Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-05-17

observation. But this man was something
! of a problem to her. and. as such. had a
prominence in her thoughts quite beyond
! his own worthiness He might be very
| good very bad. she did not know
which. and, not knowing, did not particu
larry care. Had she been of larger eX-
perience and more watchful of her own
interests. she would have understood the
force of this negation. and perhaps have
come to conclusion other than that
! which was forcing itself upon her.
From the nature of her feeling and her
peculiar surroundings she could mako
confidence with no one. and so was being
eternally thrown hack upon herself. With
each throwing back of the little waves of
feeling the object at which they aimed
was advanced.
In movement of some form is life. and
even ideas grow when the pulses beat and
thought quckens. Stephen had long had
in her mind the idea of sexual equality
For long time. in difference to her
aunts feelings. she had not spoken of it,
for the old lady WINGED in general under
any suggestion of a breach of conven-
ton. But though her outward express
sion being thus curbed had helped to sup
press or minimize the opportunities Of in
ward thought the idea had never left her.
Now. when sex was. consciously or I'M
consciously. dominating factor in her
thoughts. the dormant idea woke to new
life. She had held that if men and
women were equal the woman should
have equal rights and opportunities as
the man. 1t had been. she believed. an
absurd conventional rule that such a
thing as proposal of marriage should
he entirely the prerogative of man.
And then came to her as it ever does
70 woman. opportunity. Opportunity. the
crueleSt. most remGrSeleSS, most unSpar-
ing. snbtlest foe that womanhood has.
Here was an opportunity for her to test
her own theory: to prove to herself and
others that she was right. They-"they
being the impersonal opponents of. or
unbelievers in. her theory-would see that
woman could propose as we'll as man.
and that the result would he good. 1t
was time that that old bubble of womans
artificial weakness should be pricked. and
hers should be the hand that would do
II is A part Of salf-satisfaction and
perhaps not the least dangerous part of
it. that it has an increasing or multiply
ing power of its own. The desire to do
increases the power to do. and desire and
power united find new ways for the exer-
else of strength Up to now Stephens
inclination toward Leonard had been
vague nebulous, but now that theory
showed way to its utilization it forth
with began to become. first definite. then
concrete. then substantial. When once
the idea had become possibility the
mere passing of time did the rest. In all
creation nothing stands still. So with
ideas. which are. after all. the avatars of
facts. These two have their periods of
force and weakness of growth and de-
cline. and of ideas well as Of things.
it is youth that Is the period of growth.
Stephens idea grew In sleeping time
we'll in the waking hours. Cncon-
scious cerebration knows no rest: least
of all when the root idea which 1t
works has its origin in the flow of the
blood. in the thrilling pulse in the beat
ing heart, which never stops or pauses.
and whose quickening makes. sooner or
later. for life and new creation. The
growth was accompanied by heat. as
growth ever is in some form. and after
many days and nights OF thought. Of
hoping and dreaming. Stephen became in
quite a feverish condition. Her aunt saw
and misunderstood 1t Is in the merci-
full dispensations of nature that now and
again we see least of the things that are
open to our gaze. Miss Laetitia. because
she knew no cause for her grandniece's
ndisposition. overlooked any mental
cause as absolutely as though no such
thing had ever existed.
Stephen recognized her aunt's concern
for her health in time to protect herself
from the curiosity OF her loving kindness.
Her youth and readiness and adaptable
ity. and that power of play-acting which
we all have within us and of which she
had her share. stood to her. With but
little effort, based on a seeming acquies-
cence In her aunt's views. she succeeded
in convincing the old lady that the in
CIplcHt IcNeTlSll COlu dlTcduy IcdCUeu
its crisis and was passing away. But she
had gained certain knowledge in the play
ing of her little part. All this salf-pro-
tective instinct was new: for good or i'll
she had advanced one more step in not
only the knowledge but the power of du-
plicity. which is so necessary In the con-
ventioEal life of a woman.
For nearly two weeks Stephens reso-
luton was held motionless. neither ad-
vancing nor receding: 1t was veritably
,o onlx DO M hn
was afraid to go on. Not afraid in sense
of fear as II is usually understood. but
with the opposition of virginia. instincts;
those instincts which natural. but
whose uses we'll as whose powers are
unknown to Us.
The next few days saw Stephen alb
normally restless. She had fairly well
made up her mind to test her theory Of
equality OF the sexes by asking Leonard
Ererard to marry her. but her difficulty
was to the doing it. She knew we'll
that it would not do to depend on
chance meeting for an opportunity. After
all. the matter was too serious to allow
OF the possibility of levity. There were
times when she thought she would write
to him and make her proffer Of affection
in this way. but on every OCCASION when
such thought required II was forthwith
instantly abandoned. During the last
few days. however. she became more
reconciled to even this method of pro-
cedure. The fever of growth was un-
abated. At last came an evening which
she had all to herself Miss Laettia was
going over to Norwood TO look after mat
ters there and would remain the night.
After dinner in her boudoir she set her
self to the composition of a letter to
Leonard which would convey at least
something OF her feelings and wishes to-
ward him. In the depths of her heart
which now and again beat furiously. she
had secret hope that when once the
idea was preached Leonard would do the
rest. And as she thought of that rest
a languorous dreamineSS came upon her.
She thought how lie would come to her
full of love. of yearning passion: how
she would try TO keep toward him. at
first. an Independent front, which would
preserve her secret anxiety until the time
should come when she might yield herself
To his arms and tell him all How she
would listen with ear down while he
should whisper the story of his love:
listen anxiously lest he should discover
too soon, the tumult of her heart. And
then the rapture. the silent still JOY as
she could lay her head on his breast and
admit that she loved him. too. She did
not try To imagine his words: she only
thought of the substance. the effect of
them. And as she thought of what
words she WOULD use to him she felt her
self blush deeply that she put her
hands before her face and instinctively
rose up. shaking herself as does one sud
denly disturbed in sleep. She was all
at once aware that as yet Ii was but
dream. She had not written to Leonard
and Leonard. so far as she knew. was as
Yet in absolute ignorance of his good for
tune. His good fortune' was a fairly
good rendering of her thought into words
1 Sou, n Irao