davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1908-04-10
once went for business. And-I am

once went for business. And-I am
going.
Perhaps you'll think me strange
fellow, going yachting in late Februa-
ry or early March. All right; L don't
know that l much care what you think.
I've got snug, warm cabin, we'll sup
piled with the creature comforts or
this life; I've got trusty crew; l have
a newly employed young man, sort
of companion, l suppose you'd call
him-I- denominate him my private
secretary, because the name sounds
well-who came to me under rather
strange conditions and with peculiar
sort of recommendation. l have a ma
tural desire to test the stuff the young
fellow is made Of, and to do 1t where
he cannot be tampered with nor
tempted. / don't know a better place
for such a purpose than on sea-
worthy yacht in midAtlantic. Do you?
And my sea voyage will keep you
from coming to bore me-and prevent
your dragging me into your affairs. 1t
will cool my blood-which is little
inclined both as result of inheritance
and from experience and habit, to be
hot.
And, il anything happenS-Ive SUI
fered from cold and hunger before,
and can do 50 again. | am willing 10
be the man outside for time.
And last of all, Mr.. ]. B. Prier, II
you've any questions to ask, hunt me
up. on the stormy Atlantic, and Ill 40
nv best to answer them. 1t wouldn't
convince me that you really desired IN
formation. to have you come to Jahn-
wav Park after it. If you really hun
ger and thirst after knowledge. come
out and get It, think | have found
lust a single little item. since wrote
to You before, which you might like
r. have. Jasper Jahnway."
"P. S.-I must not forget to inform
YOU that | hired my private secretary
on your recommendation. and that ms
name is-Gilbert Sem. j. j.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1908-04-10
APRIL FOOLS DAY.
Here Are Theories, Both Grave and
Cav, of Its Oriqin.

Nobody seems to know when or why
the first of April was set apart as the
day of fool making. The custom got
a good early start somewhere, for 1t
has spread now to various corners OF
the earth.
Some say that it is survival Of the
ancient New Year celebration. New
Years day once came on March 20,
and was observed with sundry high
links lasting eight days and winding
up with particular fits Of hilarity on
the day corresponding with the pres
ent first of April.
Others say that the origin must be
earlier than that, for the custom has
existed among the Hindus from time
immemoral. With them it was a part
of their feast of Hull, which occurred
at the time of year now called the first
of April. The piece de resistance OF
the fun at this feast Of Hull consisted
in sending ones victim on. some ut
terly absurd errand-Sleeveless er-
rands. as the English and Scotch call
them. meaning probably a useless and
ridiculous specimen Of an errand.
Another theory is that the first April
fool sent on the first of these sleeve
less errands was the dove which Noah
sent out of the Ark to find what didn't
exist just then, namely, dry land.
This event occurred on the first day
Of the Hebrew month corresponding
with April, and it is said that Noah
made the dove about as tired as later
victims of the day had declared them
selves to be.
In all seriousness the custom is coll
sidered by many to be an odd Keeping
in memory of the mOckery Of Christ
by the Jews when he was sent from
Annas to Caiaphas, from Caiaphas to
PLATE, from PLATE to Herod and from
Herod back to PLATE. This is sup
posed to have taken place in April.
There are various feasts Of fools
which are guessed at as the forerun-
ners of All Fools Day, and some Wri-
ters. hard put to it to find a theory
saw it is simply a general reference to
the character Of April weather, which
is so deceitful and changeable that 1t
is always making fools Of us, soaking
MS with rain when we go out in our
fine feathers and shining ironically
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1908-04-10

III The average duration Of the reign
of English monarchs for the last 500
years has been 21 years.
&J No other empire In the world
owns SO much absolutely useless terri
tory as the British. Banks Land,
Prince Albert Land, Victoria and Baf-
fin Land, with hundreds Of other Arc
tic islands and lands, are at present
quite useless.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1908-04-10

"" After having been in commission
for sixty-six years the stage line be-
tween WestpOrt and New Bedford
Mass, has been discontinued, having
been usurped by the suburban trolley
lines.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1908-04-10

IA The Swiss army will soon include
a corps Of volunteer motorists. They
will have a special uniform. and will be
armed with revOlvers.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1908-07-30
LOST AND FOUND.

FOUND-POcKET CASE CON
tanning papers. etc, Enquire at AS
torian Office. 7-30-tf
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1908-07-30
Sure to Get On.

"Mr. Spudlong." began the youth
hanging his hat on the back Of the
chair, Il will occupy only a few mo
ments Of your time. I have come to
ask you for your daughter. r.
Young man." said the elderly bank
er, do you
Yes, sir. realize fully that she has
been tenderly nurtured and that she is
very dear to you; also that her home Is
one In which she has been surrounded
by every luxury. But she is willing to
leave it"
Can you
mo. sir; / can't quite maintain her
in the style to which she has been ac-
customed, but / have a good salary.
and l am ready to chance 1t. So is
she"
"Will you
Yes, sir; | will keep my life insured
for sum sufficient to provide for her
If | should be taken away"
Would you
mo, sir; | would not expect to live
with the family. | am able to buy and
furnish modest home for her"
Young man." said Mr.. Spudlong.
looking at his watch. 81 rather like
your style. You can have her Good
Morning, sir."-London Express.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1908-07-30

subscribe to the Morning Astorian.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1908-07-30

been told OF his ingenious anproprla,
tion OF the wit and wisdom OF other
nationalities. Perhaps no more anus.
ing instance OF this gift OF transfer.
ence has ever been recounted than one
that occurred at dinner given In the
British capital by members OF the
Highland society.
Shakespeare. Milton and many 9th.
er geniuses Of past and present times
were found to have the saving strain
OF Scottish ancestry, the proof offered
In each case being entirely satlsfac.
tory to the company.
Finally there arose a man who
struck a still more daring note.
There's the Emperor Macrlnus.
said he. and the great philosopher
Macrobius when you come to clear evl.
dence,' he added calmly. But why
has nobody mentioned Alexander the
Great. who, take II, was one OF the
MacEdons- was he notT" = ST. Paul
Pioneer Press.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1908-07-30
THE
BUTTERFLY
GIRL.
Nv Temple Bailey.
by Temple Bailey.


The first rift In the lutte came when
Albert arrived home one stormy night
and found his bride in a fetching pink
gown, with her shining hair puffed into
4 halo of gold, with pink candle shades
on the corners Of the dining table, with
pink roses In the center and with moth
ing thereon to eat but a third days
cold roast and leftover salad.
Albert, having kissed his wife enthu.
siastically and having changed his Of
ice coat for a more formal one. peered
at the platter dubiously.
Il am desperately hungry" he said.
~and there isn't much meat left"
II am not a bit hungry" Bettina
stated. 81 was shopping downtown
and | had such lunch"
II had sandwich" was Alberts
brief comment. and after that he ate
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1908-07-30
Nothing There.

The girl had got the young mans
purse and was about TO look into II.
Don't open It," he said warnlngly.
why not?" she asked. rs there
anything in here | should not see?"
There might be-" :.
That's Just why want to open It"
Yes, but you mustn't"
Il will" And she began to open 1t
slowly.
You ought to be afraid to do that"
he said reprovingly.
She tossed her head. II am afraid Of
nothing! she exclaimed defiantly.
Il know It," he sighed, "and when
you see 1t inside that purse you'll be
scared to death."-London Tit Bits.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1908-07-30

Betsey, "and have seen so many
matrimonial shlpwrecks,"
That night Albert's footsteps Jagged
little on the stairway as be climbed
to his little fat He knew Just what
he would find at the top Bettina.
charming in the rosy gown; the pink
candle shades the pink roses ana Gro.
Quettes made of the last Of the beef
Bettina always ran to big roasts, and
there yet remained to be eaten fifth
days soup made OF the bone.
The sound OF his key In the latch
summoned no rosy vision, however,
He passed through the dining room.
The pink candles were not lighted. In
front Of his place was copper chatting
dish, one of Bettina's hitherto unused
wedding presents, and the blue fame
burning beneath set the contents bub,
bling, and the air was laden with de-
llciousness.
"Bettina," he called, and at the sound
she came to the kitchen door She
wore long apron OF china blue: her
hair was rutlied about her face; her.
cheeks We're tlamlng.
II haven't time to kiss you," she
cried gayly. II must watch the
chops"
Albert went into his room somewhat
disconnected. 1t was the first time
that Bettlna had failed to kiss him. II |
was the first time that his rooms had
not been in rosy glow--and he miss.
ed 1t.
But his discomfort vanished with
the serving Of the dinner.
There We're oysters In the chatting
dish, pannel to perfection. There were
broiled chops, crisp salad and a pud-
ding made by Bettina's own fair hands.
And Albert ate and praised and won
dered.
81 didn't know you could do 1t, Bet
tina" he said. you always seemed
such butterfly girl"
Bettina laughed.
Aunt Betsey showed me how" she
said, "and-a really like doing It."
But her eyes were a little wistful,
and presently she said. "Don't you miss
Yes" Albert said promptly. 'T do
miss the rosy gown and the rosy can
lles-and you haven't kissed me yet.
Bettina."
He went around and stood at the
back Of her chair.
Il was bear last night, little girl"
ne apologized, "but a mans a queer
creature, and was tired He folded
lis hands about the oval Of her face.
Kiss me-" he said softly.
And when that rite was performed
lie asked. Can we have the candles
md the flowers tomorrow
But Bettina shook her head.
They cost too much" she said, "and
'ou need the hearty food more. But on
sundays we will make a feast of ro-
nance to Offset the six days of COM
non sense"
Albertsighed.
IF l were only rich," he said.
"You are RICH" his wife told him,
With her eyes sparkling.
"HowY he questioned.
Because you have me-" said pretty {
'ettina saucily.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1908-07-30
Was in Poor Health For Years

Ira w. Kelley, of Mansfield, Pa,
writes: Il was in poor health for two
years, suffering from kidney and blad-
der trouble, and spent considerable
money consulting physicians without
obtaining any marked benefit, but was
cured by Foley's Kidney Cure, and
desire to add my testimony that it may
be the cause of restoring the health
of others" Refuse substitutes. r. F.
Laurin, Owl Drug Store.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1908-07-30

WANTED - TWO OR THREE
rooms in modern house; nicely
furnished; gas range, bath; for two
people. Address, A. B., Astorian.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1908-07-30
G. B. Burhans Testifies Alter 4 Years

G. B. Burhans, of Carlisle Center,
N. ". writes: About four years
ago | wrote you stating that / had
been entirely cured OF severe kidney
trouble by taking less than two bot
ties of Foley's Kidney Cure. 1t en-
tirely stopped the brick dust sedi-
ment, and pain and symptoms of
kidney disease disappeared. | am
glad to say that | have never had a
return of any Of those symptoms
during the four years that have elaps-
ed and ] am evidently cured to stay
cured, and heartily recommend
Foley's Kidney Cure to any one suf-
fering from kidney or bladder
trouble"
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1908-07-30

sparingly Of the lamb and the tasteiess
salad and sought final solace in his
after dinner cigar.
That evening Bettina found him
somewhat unresponsiye. In vain she
played and sang his favorite songs in
her little lifting voice. In vain she
prattled Of her downtown bargains. In
vain she petted him and praised him.
Albert met all of her advances stolidly,
and the next morning found her at her
Aunt Betsey's In tears.
He has ceased to love me-" she de-
clared.
What did you give him for dinner
hst nightY' Aunt Betsey demanded.
Bettina faltered out her menu.
Aunt Betsay shifted
mo wonder he was disagreeable,"
she said. ANY mans affection would
be frozen out by cold meat and cold
salad and warmed over coffee"
"Albert's love ought to be superior to
such things" Bettina said. "He used
always to quote things like "A jug of
wine, loaf of bread and thou beside
me, singing in the wilderness and last
night all of my singing couldn't make
him smile"
But Aunt Betsey was severely on the
defensive.
"A jug of wine and loaf of bread
may be all right in hot climates" she
admitted. ''but yesterday it was SNOW
ing. and Albert came in chilled, and
you ought to have had something fit
to eat"
"Well, thank goodness my love isn't
dependent on food said Bettina lofti-
y.
What did you have for lunch yester-
dayT' Aunt Betsey probed. You told
me you went to Maillard's."
1--WE had grape fruit and crab and
quail, and salad and an ice. Every
thing was delicious. Mary LuttreI In
vited me, with friend of hers from
out of town"
"And poor Albert had a sandwich"
Aunt Betsey reminded her.
"Oh! Oh" Suddenly the real situa-
ton seemed to dawn on the little wife.
ale was really hungry, Aunt Betsey,
pour dear fellow"
And he had worked from $50 in the
morning" Aunt Betsey went on, 'and
when he came home at night, tired and
worn and nervous, he was not in a
condition to appreciate lace trimmed
rufies, Bettina, half as much as an
appetizing dinner"
Bettina sighed.
"Well, it does away with the ro-
nance"
Dear heart" Aunt Betsey told her,
there Is joy in service that Is above
the Joy of mere admiration. Try max
ing Albert comfortable and you will
get more solid happiness out Of it than
by keeping him on the rack with your
coquetry."
But Bettina shrugged her shoulders.
"The way to hold man, she de.
slared, SIS to play with him"
"The way to hold man." said Aunt
Betsey, with a nod of her gray head,
"is to love him, and that means to
make yourself his equal in endeavor.
Then you have his respect. You must
be the homemaker just as Albert is
the money maker"
But you have never married" said
little Bettina. How can you know, |
Aunt Betsey%
"The people who look on from the
outside are the wise ones" said Amt J
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1908-07-30

Women with good compilations are
never homely. Good blood makes good
compilations. Lanes Family Medicine
makes good blood. Ali druggists sell it
for 25 cents.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1908-07-30
The Scotch Pride.

"The pride Of the Scotchman in his
native land is well known, of course. ''
says former attache to our embassy
ip London. "and many stories have
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1908-07-30
CLASSIFIED ADVERTISEMENTS
HELP WANTED

>~~>->s->~~~S>SN - -
WANTED-GIRL TO WORK IN
printing office Enqire at Astor.
ian office. 7-2o-ti
GIRL. WANTED FOR GENERAL
housework Apply Mrs, G. Zeisler
5l4 18th street. 7-30.4t
TO ASSIST
in housework in the country,
wages, SIS, Address, care Astorian,
7.2S-2t
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1908-07-30
Quick Relief for Asthma Sufferers

Foley's Honey and Tar affords
immediate relief to asthma sufferers
in the worse stages and if taken in
time will effect cure. T. F. Laurin,
Owl Drug Store.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1908-07-30
SITUATION WANTED.


FIRST-cLASS DENSMORE TYPE.
writer, at half price; also light driv.
ing team, buggy and harness; to.
gether or separately. c, 4. Barney,
with Warren Packing Co., Astoria.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1908-07-30
FOR RENT.
HOUSE MOVERS.

FREDRlCKSON BROS.-We make
a speciality Of house moving. car
penters, contractors. general jobbing;
prompt attention to all orders. Cor
ner Tenth and Duane streets.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1908-07-30
MISCELLANEOUS.
ROOMS

WANTED-2 OR 3 FURNISHED
rooms for light housekeeping with
use of bath; no children. Address H.,
Astorian. 1902
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1908-09-10
CONTRIBUTIONS TO THE
NATIONAL DEMOCRATIC
CAMPAIGN FUND
VIII Be Received at the Office of
the Iowa County Democrat,
And the Amounts VIII Be Sent to
the National Committee.

The publishers of the Iowa County
Democrat are authorized to receive
contributions to the National Dem
Ocratic campaign fund. The letter re-
questing US to receive such contribu-
tions is signed by Noman E. Mack
chairman national Democratic COM
mittee; M. C. Wetmore, chairman of
the finance committee, and G. N.
Haskell, treasurer. Among other
things the letter says:
"There are no secrets in this cam
paign. Strictly practicing what he
breaches, Mr.. Bryan would not win
victory with tainted money paying the
election expenses.
"Not a dollar is to be accepted
which requires any promise, either ex-
press or implied, other than for hon
est, impartial government.
"Mr. Bryan will enter the White
House absolutely free from entangIing
alliances, free to serve all classes of
honest citizens alike, or he will not
enter at all.
Hence the course is plain. The
campaign of Bryan and Kern must be
conducted by the people.
"The people must pay the necessary
campaign expenses if they want public
servants who will serve their interests.
Especial interests. and favored class
es, having secured ''swollen fortunes"
by purchasing favors in the past with
millions contributed to control cleo
tions, stand ready to give millions
more for continued favors. But that
class never gives a dollar unless it
buys pledge.
''YOu can serve the grand cause of
popular government.
"YOur paper reaches the freside of
the patriot who loves his country for
his country's good; as distinguished
from the greedy possessor of swollen
fortunes who loves his country only
for his country's goods.
'Please carry this letter in bold
type at the mast head of your paper.
"Asking every one who favors gov
eminent by the people to pay you at
once, as many dollars as he can spare
to aid the campaign for Bryan, Kern
and peoples rule. You forward
these gifts of honest hearts and homes
every two weeks to the treasurer of
the democratic national committee,
with the name of each contributor and
amounts given. The treasurer will
forward you certificate like the copy
enclosed for each one, asking you to
deliver these certificates
Parties who wish to contribute to
this fund can send or bring the money
to the Democrat office.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1908-09-10
New Courses in Journalism.

Two new courses are to be added to
the work in preparation for journalism
at the State University, the fourth
year of which opens Sept. 20. Addi-
tional training will be given in an ad-
vanced course in newspaper writing
and in course in current political
and economic subjects. An impor-
tant addition has been made to the
equipment of the department in the
form of over 200 well written news
and special feature stories selected
from the leading newspapers through
out the country. The collection in
cludes a number of reports of the
same events as they appeared in diff
ferent papers. and thus offers valu
able material for the comparison of
methods of newspaper reporting.
In the class in newspaper writing
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1908-09-10
The Basis of Prosperity.

1--WE do hereby declare the conviction
that the great prosperity of our country
rests upon the abundant resources Of
the land chosen by our forefathers for
their homes and where they laid the
foundation of this great nation"
No, this is not a resolution passed by
free trade convention engaged in an
unpariotic conspiracy to make it ap-
pear that American prosperity is or can
be due to anything but the protective
tariff. 1t is a part of the declaration
of principles unanimously adopted by
the recent conference of governors at
Washington. When freed from an &C.
casion that prompts Intellectual mar
rowness and partisan bigotry, normal
minds will at once assent to the prop
osiion that the large yield TO labor and
capital in this country as compared
with others is due to natural advan-
tages and the energy Of the people, not
TO any restrictions placed upon their
freely exchanging their products for
those of other nations.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1908-09-10
SUNSHINE AND SMILES.
1enesis OF the National Prosperity
league-A "Con" Game.

leaeue-A "Con" Game.
Telephone talk between Stand Pat
Trustwell and Senator Hottaire as
heard in the room of the latter at the
New Zillard hotel April 1, 1908:
Br-r-r-r-r-
senator H.-HeIlo! That you, Stand
Fat! How are you this morning? Been
fooled yet! HOw's that? Coin to fool
somebody, ehi That's right; you know
the game. Oh, yes, times are still bad
They're improving, though, amt they?
No! Worse than ever? Well, swear.
What can we do? Well. 1 thought
you wanted US to do nothing. That's
what were doing here at Washing
ton. Oh, l see; you think in spite
of that it'll go hard with us in Novem-
Der. People are ugly, eh? Have l no.
ticed it? Yes, some of the little manu-
facturers are kicking like steers be-
cause the steel men are still holding
them up on prices. What do 1 tell 'em?
I've told 'em if they don't quit their
little tariff graft will go up the flue.
What do they say to that? They're
fighting mad and say they don't care q
continental; they can get along with
out the tariff If they get square deal
on materials. Yes, you bet they're get
ting wise. And then the newspapers
they're after us about paper. No; we
can't go back on the paper combine,
but we must keep the editors good ma
tured. You've got a scheme? I'll bet
it's q good one HOw's that? Get I'D
Sunshine society? Well, mebby that
would Oh, yes; faith cure; sort O.
Christian Science; absent treatment.
Hard times delusion, eh? Make 'em
think a boom is coming sure. What's
that? Think it's here already? Well,
that's better yet. Do | think it'll work.
Why, you fellows can work anything
with the newspapers you've got and
the bankers to boiler for us. l wonder
why those Democratic chumps didn't
think of this in '93 Hello! Say, old
Stand Pat, where are you going to be-
gin this con game Sunshine business?
st. Louis, eh? Good place! Lots O.
suckers down there or close by.
Spread! Oh, you bet it'll spread. Run
like fire! Get 'em all to shouting once.
How's that? Organize one in our
town? l should say yes My friend
Sure Thing Tithegood is just the man
to head it, Don't mention it, old
friend. Always glad to help serve the
American people! SO long
JESSE F. ORION.