davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-03-21
Three Good Ones.

The conversation turned on big feet,
when one of the company said he be-
lieved his pal Smith would take some
beating in that line.
Il was out walking with Smith one
day when he slipped down with the
soles of his boots pointing to a grocer's
window. The grocer rushed out to in
quire who was putting the shutters
up"
That's pretty fair" said a soldier
who was present, 'but a fellow in our
company beat it hollow. After a sharp
fight with the enemy we were obliged
to retreat, when, on looking back, we
saw one of our men standing upright
on the field. The fact was the poor
fellow had such big feet that he never
fell down when he was shot"
We'll" said a hose dealer who sat
in the corner, that's rather tall; but
let me have a try. A fellow came down
to our stables the other day in a hurry
to hire a horse for a journey he was
going on. I'll take that one said he,
pointing to a horse in the yard
Why, there isn't a man in the world
can ride that animal 1 said He'll
work in a cart or pillow, but no one can
stay on his back I'll try him, any
way said the stranger, as he sprang
into the saddle. 1 expected to see him
pitched off, but the horse looked
around, saw the mans feet, and tpotted
quietly off. He thought he was be-
tween a pair of shafts. "-Tit-Bits
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-03-21
Care for the Nails.

Unshapely nails cannot be made
beautiful in a night, but weeks of con-
slant care viii bring into prominenc:
the half moons always seen on pretty
nails, and will make broad finger tips
less homely.
Getting the nails flexible is the first
process in improving their shape. and
this work is accomplished largely by
the use of grease. For this purpose
glycerine or sweet almond oil is excel
lent, for both are so penetrating.
AS with all toilet work, the best re-
suits will be obtained by taking the
treatment at night before going to
bed, so the cure will go on while one
rests.
If the object of this is to improve
the shape of the nails or only to bet
ter the general condition. these rules
should be followed: Prepare bath
of warm. soapy water. Into this the
finger tips should be thrust and kept
i'm for about five minutes. A. the
end of that time each finger should be
wiped separately. pushing the skin
from the top to the base to help loosan
the old flesh. a drop of oil is then
put around the bottom of each nail
that the cuticle may not harden.
This done. gently push back The
cuticle about the base. st. Louis Re
public.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-03-21
Make a Note of II.

This is motto which is replacing
the once popular do it now suggGs-
ton. One woman, who is a wonder TO
her friends for the great amount of
work which she accomplishes without
hurrying or fretting, gives this as her
method of accomplishing results: II
have note book in every room in the
house. In it is entered note about
any matter in that particular room
which needs attention, but which can
not be done at the moment it is no.
ticed. This reaches to such tribes
as cleaning gloves, sewing buttons on
boots, putting a clean paper on a
shelf, brief note to be written, a tel
ephone call" This list is carefully
gone over as often as circumstances
permit, and there are few better re-
gulated households. 1t is hard work
at first to put down all the little needs,
and harder still to resolutely get out
the list, do the things called for and
check off, one by one, until a clean
slate remains, but it pays to do it
Chicago Inter-Ocean.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-03-21
THE PEAcEABLE RACE.
1T. A. DAILY in the Catholic Standard
Who says that the Irish are fighters
birth?"

ct. A. DAILY in the Catholic Standard.)
birth?"
Says little Dan Crone.
FAX, there's not a more peaceable race
on tn earth,
If ye Fave 'em alone.
Tim O'Toole? Well, I grant We now.
there is a lad
That's, beset wild the curse O. pugnacity
bad,
But he's jist tn EXCEPTION that's provin'
the rule:
And what else could We ask from a lad
like OToole?
Shure, he's SIGH big mountain o. mus
Gle and bone.
Sizin' up to the heft O. some seventeen
stone
That he fair aggravates iv'ry other bould
To be wishful to hand him couple for
An to prove that there's others as clever
as him.
Now, I ask ye, suppose We was husky
Don't you think 'twould be right We should
take delight
In defindin, yer title an testin' yer
Says little Dan Crone.
rs it me? Arrah! now it is jokin' We
are
But I bid We be careful an not go too
far
Shure. it's true I'm no more nor the
height O. yer waist,
But there's NANNY a bigger has sampled
taste
o. the knuckles that's punched in this lit
tie ould fisht.
Where's the dog wouldn't fight whin his
tail gets twisht?
Do I hunt for truble. Mayhap, now.
it's thrue
Upon certain occasions that's jisht what
what 1 do.
Shure, how else would they know-I'm
that stunted an small
I'd the heart of a man in me body at
-~all?"
. Says~little Dan Crone.
well. thin, keep yer opinion. Tis little
it's worth, "
Says little Dan Crone
''Faix, we're jisht the most peaceable race
on TIL earth,
IL We Pave US alone
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-03-21
Dear Harp of My Country.

L.
Dear harp if my country in darkness
1 found thee.
The cold chain on silence had hung
over thee long,
When proudly, my own Island harm. I
unboundSthee,
And gave all thy chords to Iieb+
freedom and song
The warm lay of love and the light
note Of gladness
Have Weakened thy fondest thy live
lest thrill;
But so oft hast thou echoed the doom
sigh of Sadness
That even in thy mirth il viii stcal
from thee still.
II
Dear harp Of my country, farewell 10
thy numbers
This sweet wreath of song is the last
we shall twine;
Go--sleep with the sunshine of fame
on thy slumbers.
TIL touched by some hand less I'M
worthy than mine.
If the pulse of the patriot, soldier. or
lover,
Have throbb'd at our lay, It's thy
glory alone;
] was but as the wind passing heed
lessly over
And all the wild sweetness 1 wax i
was thy own.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-03-21
Not Interested in What Shakespeare
Said

United States Senator Aldrich tells
the following anecdote concerning q
certain member of the bar:
This lawyer, with a terrible frown
at witness who had just been handed
to him for cross-examination, said:
You say you made an examination
Of the premises. Tell US again, sir,
and 1 warn you that you had better
tell US carefully, just what you found
there.
THE witness, not at all awed, said
lightly:
oh, nothing of any consequence. A
beggarly account of empty boxes, as
Shakespeare says
1.-The lawyer struck the table a
crashing blow.
Never mind what Shakespeare
says, sir he roared. He will 'be sum-
moned and can testify for himself in
due course If he knows anything about
this case
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-03-21
The Irish Wife.
Carl Desmond's Apology01 +
dC-n

Carl Desmond's ApologyO<
1876
1 would not give my Irish wife
For all the danes of Saxon land,
I would not give my Irish wife
For the Queen of Frances hand;
For she to me is dearer
Than castles strong, or lands or
life
An outlaw, so I'm near her
To love till death my Irish wife
Oh. what would be this home of mine?
A ruined hermit-haunted place,
But for the light that still will shine
Upon its walls from Kathleen's
facet
What comfort in mine of gold?
What pleasure in a rowal life?
If the heart within lay dead and cold,
If l could not wed my Irish wife.
I knew the laws forbade the banns,
knew my King abhored her race;
Who never bent before their class
Must bow before their ladies' grace.
Take all my forfeited domain,
1 cannot wage with kinsmen strife
Take knightly gear and noble name,
And / will keep my Irish wife.
My Irish wife has clear blue eyes,
My heaven by day, my stars by
night,
And twin-like, truth and fondness lie
Within her swelling bosom white,
My Irish wife has golden hair
Apollos heart had once such
strings
Apllo's self might pause to hear
Her birdlike carol when she sings.
would not give my Irish wife
For all the danes of the Saxon land;
1 would not give my Irish wife
For the Queen of Frances hand.
For she to me is dearer
Than castles strong, or lands, life;
In death l would lie near her,
And rise beside my Irish wife.
Thomas Darcy MCGEE.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-03-21
THE NTERMouNTAM AND COLORADO CATHOLIC: MARCH q, 1908
The Bows of Wexford.

We bravely fought and conquered
At Ross, and Wexford town;
And, if we failed to keep them,
Twas drink that brought us down.
We had no drink beside us
On Tubber' neering day,
Depending on the long bright pike,
And well it worked its way!
We are the boys OF Wexford,
Who fought with heart and hand
To burst in twain the CALLING chain
And free our native land!
They came. into the country
Our blood to waste and spill;
But let them weep for Wexford,
And think of QUART Hill!
Twas drink that still betrayed us
OF them we had no fear;
For every man could do his part
Like Forth and Shelmalier!
We are the boys of Wexford,
Who fought with heart and hand
To burst in twain the CALLING chain
And free our native land!
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-03-21
ITINERARY.

Much regret is felt in Clonmel al the
departure of the Rev. Brother M X
Weston, superior of Clonmel High
school and SIS. Peter and Paurs Chris
tan Brothers schools. The shattered
condition Of his health. consequent on
his arduous work for the last six
years in bringing the famous group of
schools, over which he so ably pre-
sided, to the present degree of eff
cheney, rendered change and a rest
necessary.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-03-21
Galway.

Sister Mary Vincent Irwin died at the
Convent of Mercy, Galway, on Feb. IS,
in her Goth year. Sister Mary Vincent,
who was a daughter of the late Col
onel Irwin, has left as a member of
the Order Of Mercy a record of noble
work extending over sixty-seven
years. When the dread cholera swept
over the country and decimated the
population she eXerted herself hero
ically to succor the sufferers. and
again in 1S47 she labored night. and
day to help the, starving peasantry.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-03-21

Gladstone, jamaican negro, was
assistant to a district physician in the
canal zone, and, being rather poor in
his Latin, the bottles had been num-
bered for his benefit.
One day a Spanish laborer came in
for medicine. and the doctor told his
worthy assistant to give him two pills
out of number six. After he had gone
the doctor asked: Gladstone, did you
give the man dose of number six?"
"Oh, no, sab, doctor; numbah nix
war finished, so 1 just give him one
pill out of numbah foah and one out
of numbah two" -Lippincott's Maya
zine.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-03-21
tits Stops.

Little Title had received from her
father a short time ago toy organ.
Since that time she played without ceas-
ing.
The other day neighbor visited Til
lies mother. Examining the organ with
interest, she asked the little girl:
How many stops has your organ?''
-Four" replied the mother promptly;
breakfast, luncheon, dinner and bed -
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-03-21
LATEST IRISH NEWS.
From The Pilot.
Antrim.

The death occurred Feb. II of the
cry Rev. John Macaulay, P. p, at ms
residence, Holyrood House, BelIast.
Father Macaulay was born IN Ra-
naghan in 1929, and after studying IN
ST Patrick's seminary, Armagh, and
ST Malachy's college, Belfast, he en-
tered Maynooth on the 26th of Au-
gust. 1910. He was ordained in Cla-
rendon Street church, Dublin, by the
Most Rev, DR.. Whelan in 1853. His
first curacy was in Belfast. where he
collected large sums of money for the
establishment of the Convent of Mer-
CIV and st. Patrick's orphanage. For
upwards of twenty years Father Ma
caulay officiated as parish priest of
St Mathews, Ballymocarret, from
which he retired a few years ago ow-
ing to advanced years and bad health.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-03-21
Irish Hearts,.

No treason we bring from Erin-nor
bring we shame nor guilt,
The sword we hold may be broken,
but we have not dropped the
hilt;
The wreath we bear to Columbia is
twisted of thorns not bays:
And the songs we sing are saddened
by thoughts of desolate days.
But the hearts we bring for Freedom
are washed in the surge of tears;
And we claim our right by a peoples
fight OUTLYING a thousand years
John Boyle O'Reilly.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-03-21
Waterford.

Much regret is left at the death of
Mr. James Hearne, principal of the
wei known firm of Messr. Harne e.
Co, Waterford. Mr. Hearne was
about 80 years of age, had been living
~ for some time past at his residence,
Westcliffe, Tramore. He was a broth
er OF the Rev. Henry Hearne, c. c..
Ierenure' Dublin, and the Rev. w.
r. Hearne, rector of st. Helens, Ian
cashire, England
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-03-21
Cork.

Mr.. David Lee, a well known work.
er in Stone. and foreman of Mr.. j. ].
Coffey of Middleton, the builder of
that town died suddenly at Middleton
Feb. II.
The Rev. Thomas J. Leahy. S. J..
brother of John P. Leahy. Adelaide
Terrace. st. Luke's, Cork, died Feb. 10
at st. Patrick's college, Melbourne,
Australia.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-03-21

An Irishman on his way home late at
night, asked a pedestrian the time. The
latter, thinking he was a dangerous
tramp waiting for an opportunity to
snatch his watch. swung his heavy
stick and knocked the Irishman down.
He remarked to the PROSTATE man,
Its 1 o'clock, and that's how l strike
one" The poor Irishman scrambled to
his feet and rubbed his smarting head.
saying. "Bedad, it's mighty foine
thing OF didn't ak you the toiln an hour
earlier,''
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-03-21
Wicklow.

The death has occurred at Arklow
OF Mr.. John Ryan, who was actively
connected with the Fenian movement
In 81 and was also a prominent SIM
porter of Mr.. Parnell. and snen+
twelve months imprisonment during
the early stages of the land agitation
and was one of the Coolgreany evicted
tenants
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-03-21
FerTnanagh.

The death has occurred at Coagh,
Enniskillen, Of Mr.. John Kerr, ]. P,
who farmer very extensively, and was
noted for the fine quality of cattle he
raised. He was a familiar figure on
The local bench, and formerly was a
member Of County grand jury.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-03-21
limerick

Rev. Brother Z. A. Collins. a. mem
Der Of the Limerick, Community of the
Christian Brothers. celebrated his
golden jubilee on Feb. Is. and had the
happiness of receiving on the occa-
sion from His Holiness, Pope Plus X,
the Apostolic Benediction.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-03-21
Wexford

DR.. John Cream of Wexford. one of
the most skilfuI and esteemed pbvsi-
clans of the south Of Ireland. died ON
Feb. H. in Sandycoove, Kingstown
Dublin. TO the regret of Iegions of
friends and admirers.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-03-21
Nhe Coming Musician.

Where's Jimmy these days?" asked
Shanty Sue.
"Oh, Jimmy's putting on airs" eluci-
dated the belle of Goat Hill.
80? What's he stuck up fer?"
"Oh he amt stuck up He's got a
job putting tunes on the big phono-
News.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-03-21
Down.

Mr.. Peter Russell, d. c., Tollymore,
Newcastle, a staunch Nationalist, and
who was connected with every patri-
otto movement for the benefit of his
native land since the days of 81, died
Feb. 20, to the sorrow of a wide circle.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-03-21
Dublin.

Mr.. P. J. Smyth of Dublin, a veteran
Journalist, for many years a member
of the municipal council, and former
~ connected with the Dublin Nation
and ''Zozimus," died on Feb. 13.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-03-21
Kildare.

The recent death of Mr. Richard ]
Mckenna at his residence, Kearneys-
town, Hazlehatch, was heard of with
profund regret by his numerous
friends in the Counties Kildare and
Dublin
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-03-21
Derry.

Sir Henry Hervey Bruce, third baro-
net, formerly M p. for Coleraine who
died Dec. last, aged 81, left estate
valued at e47,592 gross, the net per-
sonality being sworn at 25,36s.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-03-21
a Matter of business.

who" asked the minister, gives
this woman away?"
Hold on, mistaire, if you pills." said
the titled foreigner; 'zis woman ISIS
not given await ISIS a trade. Chi
cago Record Herald.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-03-21

A really good houskeeper is almost
always unhappy. While she does so
much for the comfort of others, she
nearly ruins her own health and life.
1t is because she cannot be easy and
comfortable when there is the least dis
order or dirt to be seen. A fine mu-
sician is always panied and made mis-
cradle at slight discord that is not
noticed by less trained ears, and fine
housekeeper is just as unhappy as she
can be at little dust or disorder which
the ordinary mortal does not see. Thus
men often wish their houses were less
perfectly kept, but more peaceful.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-03-21
Westmeath

The Rev. Francis J. Canan, the be-
loved curate of Delvin, died at Kings.
court Feb. Is, to the sorrow of the en-.
tire county,.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-03-21

Duty cannot be neglected without
harm to those who practice az we'll as
to those who suffer the neglect.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1908-01-16
Meant for ENCOURAGEMENT.

AS a patroness of struggling and dis
couraged artists and musicians Mrs.
Follen was not markedly successful,
although she had plenty of money and
a warm heart, and was interested In
art and artists.
I've brought some of my last win
ter's sketches to show you," said one
poor, young man whom she had asked
to call upon her, but | do not feel
satisfied with them. They are not as
good in some ways as the work | did
a year ago"
"Nonsense!" cried Mrs, FoIen, with
loud cheerfulness, patting him on the
shoulder. you paint just as we'll as
you did last year-as well as you ever
have. Your tastes improving, that's
all!"-Ycuths COMPANION.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1908-01-16
DEPARTMENT Store Tree.

"The carnahuba palm of Brazil,
said lumber dealer, lis the worlds
most useful tree. A department store
tree you might well call it, for it
gives everything from medicine to cat
tie food.
TITS roots make very valuable
drug, a blood purifier that is pre-
scribed a good deal in the spring. It's
timber takes high polish, and is in
demand amongst cabinet makers for
fine work. The sap becomes wine or
vinegar, according to the way it is
prepared, and starch and sugar are
also obtained from this sap.
1.-THE fruit of the tree is a cattle
food, the nut is a good coffee substi-
tute, the pith makes corks.
There, can you beat it-medicine.
sugar, coffee, starch, wine, corks, cat
tie food, lumber and vinegar, all from
this one tree, the carnahuba palmY"
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1908-01-16
Wise and Otherwise.

A poetess in Town Topics weeps
because she walks alone. After she
has met the young man who works in
a local drug store and has to walk
the floor night after night with the
baby, she will cease shedding tears
over such trivial matters as walking
alone!
Many young woman's hand shows
the mark OF the tolls. And diamqAnds
are so expensive, too!
a ST. Paul man, dying, requested
that his money be burned. He
should have taken it with him.
The other day man in this town
walked down town with a lady He
carried a pair of pants on his arm to
take to the pantatorium for pressing.
When they got to the pantatorium, he
said TO her, "You do not patronize"-
and just then he tumbled to what he
was about to say, and fell down and
broke his nose on the cement side
Newspaper.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1908-01-16
Name Of RIver chanaed.

Few New Workers are aware of the
fact that the East river was known as
the Salt river eco wears ago.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1908-01-16

In the dreamy Autumn time,
! When the air is crisp and gold
And the brooks are chanting rhymA
! To the sprites their banks enfold@N
There is happiness and joy
In the Kingdom of a Boy!
Through the tangled wood his shout
Startles squirrels from their play.
See the rabbit circle out
/ Bounding ball of white and gray
All, the world is but a toy
In the Kingdom of a Boyl
Where the grapes are hanging lownA
/ And the plums are ripe and red,
Rustlingly his footsteps go
To the woodlands leafy bed.
Wondrous holes his peppers spy
Where the chipmunk makes his mes
Where the red-head dwells on high,
Where the partridge snuggles best.
All, the wonderland of JOY
In the Kingdom of a Boy!
Where the brook sends murmurs up
He is bending Ger the riil.
From his hand, dripping cup,
He is drinking to his fill.
Now his bobbing ships deploy &
In the Kingdom OF a Boy! pJ
An, he sails them with the tide
With a confidence supreme, 80
With assurance they win ride n
Safely down the throbbing stream.
All the Fates their grace employ
In the Kingdom of a Boy!
And the ships glide onward still,
Past the river and the bay
Where the winds are rough and chill
And the hidden dangers prey.
See The ships lie, wrecked at last,
BY the oceans sullen roar,
For the boyhood days are past
And the Kindom is no moreI
Naught but Mem'ry holds the keyS n
To the old-time ecstasy!
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1908-01-16
Bath Tubs.

A New Yorker inveighs against
modern bathtubs in this wise:
"They are handsome to look at and
clearly In character, but they are
dangerous to all who indulge in them.
Already do know dozens OF people.
men and women. who have slipRs&
upon their treacherous surfaces aSd
suffered more or less breakage and
bruises. know one distinguished
railroad man who fell during his
bath and broke his collarbone. and
know distinguished author who
broke two ribs in the same way"
But nobody ever got a clam-shea
cut or bloodsucker on HIS toe, from
this kind of a swimming pool.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1908-01-16
A Seductive Noise.


F. Augustus Heinze, in the course
OF dinner on board his yacht Revo-
luton, said of certain mooted min.
ing reform:
"Oh, yes, it would be a good thing
if it could be done, but there is no
possible way to do it. Ask these re
formers how they are going to put
their ideas in operation and they give
you answers that are about as prac-
teal as the little boys method of
coaching the mule.
There was once, you know, mule
in large field that refused to be
caught by it's owner. Round and
round the field the mule galloped
The owner tore along behind, red and
angry, swinging a halter in his hand,
and swearing passionately.
"The mule would let him draw very
near, almost near enough to throw
the halter over it's head; then it
would kick up its legs merrily and
run like the wind
"A boy, his face wreathed in smiles
watched the unequal chase for an
hour or So Then he entered the field
and said:
"Tll tell you how to catch that
mule, mister, if you'll give me a
nickel
"'All right painted the man. Here's
your nickel. Now tell me-
Get behind the thick hedge over
there, said the boy, and make
noise like carrot Boston Globe.