davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Francisco call., 1908-10-10
rnusin@ 10y and Why It Was invented UNCLE DICK

NnFHEN Uncle Dick appeared at the
(W woodshed Saturday morning he
w had company with him. The COM
pany consisted Of Miss Dorothy, who
was riding pick-a-back on the old gen
tleman's shoulders. while little Dick
traiIed behind, using his uncle's coat
tails as a towline.
1T occurs TO me that we've been
rather selfish lately" said Uncle Dick
door We've been contriving things
Tor high school boys and forgetting
all about these little chaps Now ]
think it's high time they had their
innings
Sure answered Tommy But
what can we make for them?"
Uncle Dick thought the matter over
FOR moment before replying Let
me see. I guess we'll make a wind
acrobat Professor Windygo, Bill Smith
named IL, when he invented the toy.
III make a drawing for you and tell
you the story OF how Bill came to in
vent il while you are putting II to-
eether." Uncle Dick soon had the
working plans finished making a scale
dra awing Of the different parts Of Pro-
fessor WindygO for the benefit OF
Tommy's companions. Tommy found
thick niece Of cardboard. from which
be cut out the figure Of the professor,
making him about j s inches high when
he stood up. Dorothy ran up to the
house and brought his box Of water
colors and the professor was soon
sporting very gaudy suit OF clothes,
not TO speak OF A purple face and an
extremely red nose
The rudder. as Uncle Dick called IL.
was similar to those you see on
weather vane and always kept the pro-
peller facing the wind. Tommy made
the rudder from a thin wooden box
lid. The propeller hub and the spindle
Tor the pivot he sawed OF broom
stick. About the only fussy work
about the whole contrivance was the
Joints II took four disks for each
5oint. First a piece Of wire was passed
through the joint, with disk on each
The San Francisco call., 1908-10-10

they were on the hills fighting the fire
their meals wCte sent up 20 them, with
hot coffee at intervals between. As for
sleep, they took that on the installmen.
plan, sleeping with only one or two
blankets and no pillows.
The boys seemed to regard the whole
thing as rare adventure, for they
eSs,l,a ~orned Las as h merry as tnoush ~ were
much fun as being a pioneer.' An
other and smaller boy fell into a small
ravine and yelled Justify: Bears and
wolves are after me-" Some could not
be persuaded to go home at all until the
fire was checked. but when they finally
did come they Were thoroughly tired
and slept the sleep of the weary with a
vengeance.
The fire didn't reach the home build
ing. but the air was thick with smoke
in the valley in which the building is
situated. The fire is now centered near
Geyserville, but back fires are burning
to meet IT and it is hoped that it will
soon be out. The origin of the fire is un-
known, but it started many miles up
the coast
The San Francisco call., 1908-10-10
Playing at the Seaside

Heaping up the shining pebbles,
Spading in the glistening sand,
Building fierce but mimic forts
That from foes shall guard the land,
Making lovely landscape gardens
That are watered by the spray,
All. tbs surely pleasant
/. On the beach to play.
Hand in hand with merry playmates
Wading where the pillows break,
Swift their feet the way retracing
Lest the waves their steps o'ertake;
Merry childish laughter pealing
Out from hearts so wildly gay
All 'tis surely pleasant
On the beach to play
The San Francisco call., 1908-10-10

of the country similar action as to land
birds may be needed.
Purely as a matter of sentiment. the
protection of birds should appeal to
most people, but their successful pres
ervation will doubtless depend upon
their material value as an essential to
human existence.
The San Francisco call., 1908-10-10
In Days of Old

Perhaps 1 was an elephant
One time. but now I'm shrunk,
Because, like them, where'er 1 &c
carry round my trunk.
Perhaps I was a mighty king
And wore a purple gown.
Because my papa's barber says
have a double crown.
The San Francisco call., 1908-10-10

calf balancing itself an the slippery
side.
"A swirl of the current. carried it in
toward us. We all made rush to pull
il ashore, but the tide was too strong
We were forced to let go, and as it
shot out in midstream we were horri-
The San Francisco call., 1908-10-10

waters. Occasionally coop with a
bunch of frightened chicks would go
hurrylng by. All we could do was to
stand around in awestruck silence and
look at the devastation, as it was al
most sure death to get caught in the
awful current. In our group were Bill
The San Francisco call., 1908-10-10

Smith and the Boggs boys, Louie and
Jim. Bill had his little dog, Fluffy,
with him, and she was having bully
time running up and down the edge of
the water, barking at the different OBJ
jects that went by. Suddenly the roof
of a barn came along, with Nearling
The San Francisco call., 1908-10-10
Definition Of a Giraffe

The children had written compost
tions on the giraffe. They were read
ing them aloud to the class. At last
the time came for little Willie Doran
to read his. 1t was as follows:
"The giraffe is a dumb animal and
can not express itself by any sound, be-
cause its neck is so long its voice gets
tired on its way to its mouth
The San Francisco call., 1908-10-10

side, and the end bent fat. Then the
outside disks were fastened over the
wire with mucilage.
II guess you never saw a real
freshet," said Uncle Dick, after Tommy
had got started. THE one we expert
enced the spring Bill Smith made that
The San Francisco call., 1908-10-10

toy was a hummer. and no mistake.
The water came rushing down the val
ley until the stream running through
the farm was quarter of mile wide
Sections of fence, roofs of outhouses
and all sorts of wreckage were borne
along on the surface of the angry
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1908-07-03
King Edwards Birthday Honors.

London.-The list of honors accorded
on the occasion of the official celcbra-
ton of King Edwards birthday was
issued Thursday, June 25th Four new
peers have been-created and there are
ten new privy councillors. eleven bar
onets and twenty-five knights The
peers include Sir Antony Patrick Mac
Donnell, under secretary to the Lord
Lieutenant of Ireland. whose resigna-
ton from this post comedies with his
elevation; and George Whiteley, mem
Der of Parliament for the West Riding
of York. who has just resigned the post
of liberal whip.
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1908-07-03
TIE
General Demand

Of the Well Informed of the World has
always been for simple, pleasant and
efficient liquid laxative remedy OF known
value; laxative which physicians could
sanction for family use because its COM
poncnt parts are known to them to DO
wholesome and truly beneficial in effect,
acceptable to the system and gentle, yet
prompt, in action.
In supplying that demand with its ex-
ccllcnt combination OF Syrup OF Figs and
Elixir OF SIENNA, the California Fig Syrup
Co. proceeds along ethical lines and relies
on the merits Of the laxative for its remark
able success.
That is one OF many reasons why
Syrup OF Figs and Elixir of SIENNA is given
the preference by the Well Uniformed
To get its beneficial effects always buy
the genuinc-manufactur by the Cali
fornia Fig Syrup Co., only, and for sale
by all leading druggists. Price fifty cents
per bottle.
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1908-07-03

lector's Office, whether a measure of
public policy smacked Of Hamiltonian-
ism or Jefrersonianism? What he
wanted was the job. So great deal
of the local political oratory was prac-
tical to a degree.
At the political banquets. however,
the real oratory was supposed to be
uncOrked. and We always attended
these banquets, usually at from three
to five dollars "a throw" or plate,
as the more polite termed it. But the
science of after-dinner speaking-post-
prandial oratOry, as it is called, is
largely dependent upon eXtraneous
conditions: and particularly as to the
state of receptivity on the part of the
audience. After a man has drunk,
say two or three glasses of sauterne,
a couple of glasses of claret, and four
or five or eleven glasses of cham
payne, he Is usually in very uncriti-
cal condition. And almost any
fiowery bunk" goes with him as some
thing grand.
But Just let a man stick to little
old aqua pura" all during the banquet;
let him up-end his glass and say:
NAY, nay, Pauline" to the teetering
walters who hover near with the Bac-
chanalian fluids, and what ;:hange
is there my country-men,' in his
Judgment Of the post-prandial slush
that is ladled out to him. The Joe
Miller jests and learned by heart or
lamentations of the speakers fall on
an inattentive ear; and he cannot be
lured into wild and unreasoning ap-
plause over some well-known quota
ton which has been delivered by an
orator with the air Of I've just
thought of that"
Political oratory is composed of the
usual two classes of all oratory, to-
wit: prepared and impromptu. Pre-
pared oratory is oratory which has
been admittedly gotten up beforehand
and which the speaker is ready to
hand out to the reporters on type-writ-
ten sheets before the banquet. I'm
promptu oratory is oratory which the
speaker has learned by heart and re-
fuses to give copies Of, although it
has been written out carefully. This
compels the attendance of shorthand
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1908-07-03
SUFFERED TWENTY-FIVE YEARS.
With Eczema-Her Limb Peeled and
Foot Was Raw-Thought Amputa-
tion Was Necessary-Believes
Life Saved by Cuticura.

81 have been treated by doctors for
twenty-five years for bad case Of
eczema on my leg. They did their best,
but failed to cure it. My doctor had
advised me to have my leg cot of At
this time my leg was peeled from the
knee, my foot was like a piece Of raw
flesh, and had to walk on crutches.
bought a set of Cuticura Remedies.
After the first two treatments the
swelling went down, and in two
months my leg was cured and the new
skin came on. The doctor was sur
prised and said that he would use
Cuticura for his own patients. have
now been cured over seven years. and
but for the Cuticura Remedies
might have lost my life. Mrs. J. B.
Renaud, 277 Montana St, Montreal.
Que, Feb. 20, 1907"
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1908-07-03

would be shuttle at the other end of
the hall.
Here he comes" and there he is'
would be the whispers and signals,
and the great man or great men would
approach through the center aisle at
tended by Gordon Of followers like
the attendant pilot-fishes to his majes-
ty the shark, or more properly speak
ing, like the attendant porpoises on
the whale.
The "silvertongued' 'bunk-shooter'
would then grasp the hands of the
great men, to show how close he was
to the throne, and would gently but
firmly subside. and the Real Thing"
would proceed to address the meeting.
the mayoralty and aldermanic candi-
dates and to no one else. And what
the audience was always trying to
figure out was what kind of a man
is he?" and not what are the issues?"
And so the orators scared in and out
of the issues like a swallows flight
above river, and their analysis of the
questions of the day left as much an
impression on their hearers minds as
the birds flight does in the air above
the rivers current.
But they were watching him, and
shrewdly or otherwise making up
their minds as to his sincerity. his
courage, his honesty and his general
ability to fill the Office he was seek
ing The main issue was always some
thing that no one, not even the origi-
nators of 1t, really understood. 1t was
usually based on strictly scientific
degree of accuracy. 1t started from
self-evident and bitterly contested con-
clusion, and arrived in labyrinth of
contradiction from which there was
no outlet. The celebrated traction is.
sue, for instance, was one on which
several campaigns were fought, and
no honest man ever really pretended
to understand it. The question had
as many angles to 1t as three-cushion
carom billiards, and as fast as one
perfect solution to the puzzle was Of
fered, something would bob up that
would change the status of affairs and
make it as much of mystery as be-
fore.
The main uses of campaign oratory
in the wards was to enthuse the work
ers, to get the "hustlers" in the vari-
Gus precincts busy in getting out the
votes. To do this required that the
speaker descend from the high trap
eze of flowery defamation and talk
about the practical benefits to be de-
rived by a party victory. "The thir-
teen struggling colonies were all
right in their place. but that was
several years back. and what the
workers wanted to hear about was the
patronage to be distributed. the pos
sibility of jobs and positions when the
victory was gained, and what there
was in it for them"
The business and professional men
of the ward followed their callings
on precisely the same plan. They,
also, were looking in their line for pc
cuniary rewards and emolument. Yet
they sneered at the politicians. What
difference did it make to a fellow who
was out of a place in the city col
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1908-07-03
ONE POINT IN OUR FAVOR

ly did SO. During the slow, steep
run the conductor and brakeman of
the freight gathered about him and
his limousine on the fiat car. He gave
them large, gold-tipped Egyptian Gig
arettes. and to please him the conduc-
tor said;
Fine car you've got there
Yes said the millionaire. IT'S
a French car. We can't build them
like that in this country
No. maybe not said the conduc.
tor, bit nettled; we can build rail,
roads, though, to take them up the
hills"
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1908-07-03

reporters to take it down. When the
promptu orators will sometimes give
a favored paper an exact copy of the
speech, so as to have it printed cor
rectly.
1t may be hinted that all this sa-
vors of the cynicism of the man who
envies the accomplishment of oratory
to the "silver-tongued' tribe. Far
from it. | have been there" Hora-
ito, and have on occasion aroused the
plaudits of the banqueteers myself.
The most pronounced success | ever
had in that way was a little impromp-
tu gem that | delivered before stone
sober crowd one time. I had been
given my subject six months before,
and had written and rewritten my
talk all out, at least a dozen times.
had polished it. and adorned 1t with
slavish care, and had blended with 1T
various thoughts and quotations from
the poets and the philosophers. You
don't have to use quotation marks IN
oratory. and anyway, | did not know
where these gentlemen had stolen
their stuff from.
l type-wrote this talk, and let 1t
lie couple of months, and then went
over it again, shortening some OF the
long sentences, and rearranging and
shifting until l got it down as fine as
it was possible for me to do. Then
learned it absolutely by heart.
could say it backwards or forwards,
begin in the middle and recite it eth
er way. knew it better than the null
tiplicatfon table or the alphabet. I
Grated it. until l had, as l thought.
all the proper infections, even to
little stumble, little eloquent pause"
where I was supposed to be overcome
by the strength of my emotions. 1t
was really very hard job, the getting
up of this little ''impromptu,' and one
which / should hardly care to tackle
again just for the sake Of doing some
one a favor.
Finally l had the thing down letter
perfect, and the day and occasion ar
rived for my setting it Off" Now
some impromptu' speakers make the
mistake of "spieling" their piece
right off tine hooks" without giving
themselves any time for 'inspiration.'
This Is a fatal mistake, and even the
most obtuse will not be deceived If
you begin at top speed with your fire
works" But l had heard too many
impromptu speakers to be lured into
such false position. The proper
way is to select something about the
particular occasion which may strike
your fancy and then start in with d
few halting sentences about that.
Something of this sort, for instance:
LAS | stand on this spot to-day, feel
incapable of adequately voicing the
feelings that the time and the occa-
sion would call up in the breast of
real orator." or II am glad to be with
you here, my friends, to-day; and this
audience, and the event which we are
called upon to celebrate, only makes
me feel my shortcomings as speak
er," or "As entered the hall today l
caught sight Of" etc, etc.
And then, when you have edged in
with one or two airy common-places
you can come in with your "siss, boom,
All verbal pyrotechnics, and give the
audience a sure-enough "impromptu'
exhibition.
The uninitiated will say: "Ain't he
a corker?"
The man that us next will reply:
"G'wan; I'll bet it took him six months
to frame that up"
ERNEST M'GAFFEY
Copyright. 1908, by Joseph p, Bowles)
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1908-07-03
Might Not Build Cars, But America
Has the Railroads.

At Briarcliff Manor the day before
the great motor race, Barney Oldfield
said to reporter:
Here is good one on the foreign
cars Do you see that young million
aire with the strap and buckle ar
rangement on his low shoes? Well, he
was doing the south last month in a
French limousine.
Between two towns there was n
steep. rough. soft hill. With his heavy
limousine the millionaire got stuck on
it. He had to turn back.
"Well back there in the town they
advised him to. ship the limousine on
in Il fiat car of the local freight that
was just about to pull out He wise
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1908-07-03
A Coy Young Thing.

The following advertisement re-
Gently appeared: Being aware that
it is indelicate to advertise for a hus-
band, | refrain from doing SO; but II
any gentleman should be inclined to
advertise for wife, | will answer the
advertisement without delay. | am
young, am domesticated, and con-
sidered ladylike. Apply" etc.-PhM.
ippines Gossip.
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1908-07-03

POLITICAL orator is man |
of verbal luxuriance, and
nearly always the shallow
est of sophists. There is
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1908-07-03
Everybody Pleased But the Consumer.

"YeS, he had some trouble with
his eyes" said the celebrated oculist.
Every time he started to read he
would read double"
Poor fellow" remarked the SYM
pathetic person. 81 suppose that in
terfered with his holding a good po-
stion?"
gagged him and gave him lucrative
job reading gas meters. STRAY Sto
ries.
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1908-07-03
Wouldn't Wash II.

What is that young man doing out
there?"
Trying to attract my attention with
the handkerchief filtration, ! guess"
you do not seem to be respond
ing"
mo, 7 am not his laundress. Mash
vile American.
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1908-07-03
An Open Question.

Editor-Are you a good critic or ,
bad speller?
Musical Reporter-Why do you
ask?
Editor-Because in this report Of
Signor Growlini you say he Is base
singer and that the orchestra soloist
ts vile player.
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1908-07-03

After a man has knocked around tho
world for few years without meeting
with success he begins knocking the
world.
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1908-07-03
Higher Than Monarch.

He who reigns within himself. and
rules passions, desires and fears, is
more than a king-Milton.
The Detroit times., 1908-11-12
Mice, Silence and Gloom
the Only Attendants At
Oar Fashionable Churches
REV. DIR. EDWARD JuDsON.

NEW YORK. Nov. ll-That the
church has fed away from the poor
and is making itself an empty sym
Dol OF fashionable religion. is the
charge brought against IL by Rev Or.
Edward Judson, pastor OF the Judson
Memorial church in this city.
The Indictment was presented by
the preacher In an address before the
Baptist Ministers conference and ere.
ated something OF sensation by it's
scathing criticism OF the trend OF the
modern Protestant church in the cit
les.
Mice, silence and gloom are the
only attendants AT our fashionable
churches except for a few hours a
week" declared the divine.
In the vast neglected downtown
districts, where children swarm like
rabbits IN burrow, the protestant
church is slowly dying out
You can't get an angel cut out OF
stone by using a chisel only once In
week. and. then poor chisel." con.
tinued the speaker. IF | had my
way | would build the most beautiful
churches In the midst OF the poor
where they would find the Joy and
happiness denied 10 them in the squat
or OF their crowded homes"
The Detroit times., 1908-11-12
Suppressed Divorce Suite.

Suppressed suits for divorce were
filed "Wednesday by Ellen VS.. Raymond
Fl. Armand. and Annie vs.. William
Topel. Alice Crump asks for an an-
nulment OF her marriage to Peter j.
Vincent.
The Detroit times., 1908-11-12
DON'T WORRY
ABOUT PILES
Pyramid Pile Cure viii Quickly Re
move All the Pain, Suffering
and Discomfort.
Trial Package by Mail, Free.

Many people suffer the torture OF
piles because they have little faith In
an ultimate relief or cure.
This condition is part OF the terrible
malady called piles. Such an afflic.
ton drags the nerves of men and Won
en- down to the lowest depths and
gives To mankind a feeling of despair.
Don't permit yourself to become a
victim OF this melancholy.
Pyramid Pile Cure Is sold every.
where, by all druggists. II does re-
lieve piles and does this work quick.
ly, painlessly and without apparent eff.
fort. We have thousands OF testimo-
malls proving It's merits.
Go TO your druggist today and buy
a package, or IL you feel any timidity
or modesty about the matter send us
fifty cents, the price OF Pyramid pile
Cure. and we will send you pack
age by mail In plain wrapper
One or two applications will prove
your case not hopeless, and TO give
this proof TO you send us your name
and address and we will send you
trial package by mail In plain wrap
per free. Address Pyramid Drug Co,
i63 Pyramid Bldg, Marshall. Mich.
The Detroit times., 1908-11-12

sor with the young woman. but de-
MES any legal marriage took place.
Here are some Of the epigram-like
morsels handed out by Mrs. Falken'
stein on the situation:
Devils OF women make the best
men fall
Evil women don't want single
men; they want married men with
money"
The man always thinks he is
smart, but women of that type are al
ways smarter"
Il married my husband for better
or worse; shall | now desert him
when worse has come
IF ever woman whose husband goes
out OF town was suspicious, all homes
would be like hell"
ANY woman will stick TO a man
when everything Is bright; the true
test OF wife's love and devotion Is
when he has fallen"
II have urged many women to for
give Should | now refuse to forgiven"
That woman got poor Herman into
her clutches simply TO get his money.
Well, she has succeeded. and now she
ought TO be satisfied. My husband
has spent more than $4,000 on her"
my husband is weak man and
needs my protection, so | shall stand
by him"
The Detroit times., 1908-11-12
8 HUNTERS KILLED
IN HALF SEASON
FATALITIES ALREADY EQUAL
FULL NUMBER RECORDED
IN PAST YEARS.

BANGOR, Me-. Nov. 1.-THE
slaughter of human beings in the
woods OF Maine thus far this season
exceed the bloodiest records OF tho
past. while more than the usual num-
Der OF hunters have been manned or
painfully injured.
The season Is not half over, yet the
fatalities already equal the number re-
corded for most full seasons. nine per-
sons having been killed, eight serious.
ly wounded and scores OF others suf-
fering slight wounds. Here is list OF
the dead to date:
Ralph Downs, FL years old. OF San
ford, killed while hunting, Sept. %, by
Seth Chambers, companion. who
pointed gun at Downs and pulled the
trigger in fun.
Eddie Turner, 16 years old, of Peru
pulled his gun, muzzle ffrst. from a
boat. Andrew Mushero 10 years old
Of Danforth killed in like manner. Roy
Jarvis. OF Charlotte, met similar fate
by dragging his gun, muzzle first, from
wagon.
Irving Pichard, 81 year old. of
Dresden. got in range of his brother 8
gun and was shot through the head.
Wilfrid Paradis, Is years old. of Me-
gantic, Quebec. was killed instantly by
deer hunter. sRobert w. Cummings,
OF Bethe. was found dead In the woods
near Lake Parmachenee. shot through
the body. Milford Fox, Is years did,
Of Chapman Plantation. was shot dead
by his younger brother. who was
playing with a rife and didn't know Il
was loaded Addison Knowlton, OF
Swanville, was fatally shot while SPUR
rel hunting by his cousin. Leslie
Knowlton