The Guthrie daily leader. [volume] (Guthrie, Okla.) 1893-1996, 1908-12-18
A Cranky Widow.

Uncle Ben williams held that wild
ows shouldianassy only widowcrs for
a SECOND ict5l n laBtriinony. lie also
bad to- keen aiboek. ,aea9upt oe-tbe
widoweek M # = # A
.sThere came aday when Uncle Ben
had fo' add his own name TO the list
OF wldowcrs Ills good wife passed
away and left him alone. He grievcd
for e few months and then started in
ON his work ngain. lie was rather
forced to. He got track Of a widow
who had given out that she would
never marry again. She had heard Of
Uncle Ben and had given out that she
aefed him He still wore his en-
blem Of mourning as he drove over to
see her He found her perfectly sat
is6ed with her situation Death had
claimed husband 50 lazy that he
hated to turn over in bed, and she
didn't propose to take further chances.
Uncle Ben brought out his statistics.
They ran back 400 years and applied
to every nation. They proved beyond
controversy that there was only one
constitutionally lazy man out of every
500 OF the male population. Thus the
widow might remarry 400 times and
run no risk. She then put 1t that her
late lamented had the appetite OF
liofse and shook the walls OF the
house at night with his snorinss.
There were statistics to prove that
this state Of affairs was to be found in
America only in one case out Of
thousand and then when the moon
was in her third quarter. Whatever
excuse the widow brought forward
Uhele Ben successfully controyerted,
and ut length she gave him big
piece Of apple pie and glass OF cider
and gently turned linn out Of doors.
But he wouldn't stay out. Within a
month he was back to plead the cause
of certain widower. He had the
mans history down in writing, ana
he had his tintype The widower
didn't snore, he was a hustler, he was
good natured. be didn't swear at his
oxen, he built the Kitchen fire In the
morning, he had a farm OF so many
acres, and he was the owner OF 80
many horses, cattle, hogs and sheep,
with spotted calf thrown In to
make good bargain. The widow
shook her head and said nay. however
She had sixty acres Of her land In
turnlps, and she felt that 1t was go
ing TO be great year for that vege-
table.
.Trnnlo No., ,o,,,o o,,oi,, ,.,i,h :, ,,,,J
over that bad once seen the widow
driving along the highway and had
fallen In love with her. He had only
Ave children; he never refused his wife
a calico dress or pair of shoes; be
never indulged in remarks when his
meals were not ready: II the cellar
needed whltewashing he hid the work
himself; II tin. pan leaked lie could
mend 1t. andIf tho chufn dasher broke
no could make another from broom
stack Within ten minutes The widow
give thls man len minutes thought
and ,then shook her mead. Hay was
selling for $50 ton, and she would
baye thirty tons to sell
He brought Nos. 4. s and 0, and
he brought .tlntypes, photographs and
memoranda. lie drank cider while
enumerating their many virtues, and
he ate apple, peach and huclileber.
ry pie between statistics AS one
candidate after another was presented
and bis claims set forth Uncle Ben
saw that the widow sOftened a bit
She turned them all down. but this
anftnrfnfr mn .hH l.f 10 t.Ia
10 his own mind he thought her a BIT
particular -even cranky for turning
down a farmer blind In one eye, a
lightning rod man with a game leg
and wire fence man with hump on
his baek, but he did not say SO. Ht
knew that II he kept on long enough
and could ind candidates enough thu
widow was bound to give In. Ii,
didn't neglect his farm work altogeth
er, but he kept an eye out for the rishi
sort of candidate. He thought he haC
him in No. Z He brought the widow
er to the house and let hlm sit Ia ths
buggy at the gate while he Went IN I,
do the talking.
There he is. widder" he said, witt
un eiAt VI NolinuthAt. Adhe "A lOoh a
hin from the winder. Forty-eigh
years old, Ia good health and not
blemish on him Don't swear. chav
terbacker nor drink. Never gifts ma,
and allus wlllin' for his wife TO go L
town, Got i've children. aud they ar
little angels. Only takes AN hour 4
scrub one up so that you want 10 kis
him. Big farm. keeps u hired gal 1--we
well and bound to make you happy 70
the rest Of your life. When l add tha
his late wife left four pairs OF alnos
new shoes behind her you can Sc
what kind OF a man he is. Shall
hOller TO him TO come ihf"
mo. you needn't holler" quietly re
piled the widow.
''But what's the matteri"
II shan't marry him.
But look a-herc, widder, this is tn
seventh man I've brung to your nc
tice"
Yes
And don't you think you're a bi
cranky to turn the hull drove of 'er