davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1908-12-03

mob. all bowling for my hearts blood
tours is fearful chob); full many q
kicker. CHASTITY vite, hard on der bench
I sat until some players sneaked be-
hind und soaked me NIT bat; den I
qvlte swift ind suttenly vent into a
decline. no more will l SEQ Dopeville-
dear Dopeville down der Line!
Tell Pulliam his udder sons must
comfort his olt age!-ach. how I
luffed to put dis head OF mine mitin a
cage! For my father vas an Empire
bold, und efen as O child my heart
chumped fort to hear him tolt Of
struggles fierce und Wild. und ven he
died unde left us all We hat to took our
choice let dem half yust vot dey
Wished but kept my fathers voice. und
NIT boyish yells I practiced on der
leedle oft cat nine on Sleepy Street in
Dopeville-dear Dopeville down der
Line!
Tell my brothers in der pitzness
not to stood und bolt DER breath und
watch dem awful players celebration
ing my death, but to look upon dem
proutly, NIT cold und Goldfish eye,
und fine dem to der limit-as l dit In
days gone by; und II der players fuss
demselfs, und nit DER words eggs
claim, yust listen at dem brieflessly
und chase dem from der game-foI
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1908-12-03

no cure for me and was given up TO
die. Being urged, used Doan's Kid.
ney Pills. Soon was better and in q
few weeks was about the house. well
and strong again."
Sold by all dealers. so cents box.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1908-12-03
The ONLY Use He Knew.

The head of the family" was read
ing the vivid account of the departure
of the Israelites from the land OF
Egypt, and the four-year-old son lis.
tened with intense interest.
At length the reader came to the
passage, And Moses took the homes OF
Joseph with him." when the boy,
whose limited experience had taught
him only one use for such articles,
shocked his staid relatives by crying
in excited amazement:
ITO make soup wiv?"- Harper's
Monthly.
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1908-12-03
Their Names Were Mile and TilIie.

Their Names Were Mile and Title.
were giving Buck the glorious eye
roll, and he felt like dinner was ready.
Hang up your hat, Buck, and gather
the myrtle with Mary" Clipped In.
Then Buck bounced over and be-
gan to show Mile and Tillie what a
handsome brute he was at close quar-
tiers.
He sat on the arm Of the seat and
warmed UP.
In less than a minute he crowded
the information on them that he was
q millionaire. who had escaped from
Los Angeles, Cal. and he was just go
ing to put them both in grand opera,
when his three-yearold toddled down
the aisle and grabbed him by the coat
tail:
Papa! Mamma wants 90 10 Diet my
bottle of milk"
"Stung!" shrieked Slim.
Back to the nursery" howled NAL
colin, and then as Buck crawled away
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1908-12-03

Dear Bunch: In that crowd OF swift
drummer boys going New Yorkward In
the Mr. Pullman's sleep-wagon yester-
day, one OF the speediest was Buck
Jones.
Bucks wife and a three-year-old
were travelling with him, but he wasn't
giving II out through megaphone.
Buck is one OF those goose-headsd
guys who begin to scratch gravel and
start In to make killing every time
they see a pretty girl.
Across the aisle seat sat two pet
canaries from Plainfield, N. j.
They were members Of the Sou
brette Singing society, and they were
en- route to the west to join the Bunch
OF Birds Burlesque Company"
Their names were Mile and Tillie,
and they wore Merry Widow hats, and
did q sister act that contained more
bad grammar than an East Side pin.
ochle game.
Mile was fully aware that she
could back Duse of the map, and TIL
lie was ready to bet q weeks salary
that she could make Bernhard feel
like she was out In the storm we had
day before yesterday.
Slim called them the Roast-Beef
Sisters, Rare and Well-Done.
In minute the casters on Bucks
neck began to turn.
Slim put us wise with wink, so we
lit the fire and began to cook 1t up.
Bucks heart was warming for the
birds in the gilded cage.
1.-The real Kibo!" said Slim; ITS a
plain case of Appomattox; the war Is
over and they are yours, Bucl!"
Buck turned few more volts into
his twinkling lamps.
Lower your mail-sail, Buck, and
drop alongside; you've made the land
Ing" suggested Burress.
Buck began to feel his necktie and
play patty-cake with the little bald
spot on the top Of his head.
stop the hanson and get out;
you're at your corner" said Dave.
The Sweet Dreams across the way
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1908-12-03
Join tlElRT
on THE
DRUMME R
BOYS

to home and mother we let out yell
that caused the conductor to think
the train had struck Wild West
show.
During the rest OF the trip Buck
was nailed TO his scat.
Every time he tried to use the elas'
tic In his neck, tho wife would burn
him with hard. cold glitter.
The Roast-Beef Sisters seemed to
be all carved up about something or
other.
The drummers went back to the
shop. and were selling things again
when Sledgeheimer fluttered down
among us.
Maybe you've never met Jakey
Sledgeheimer.
He travels for firm In Brooklyn
that makes imitation grapefruit and
rubber finan haddie.
Jakey Is the LATEST loosener that
ever tied a string around roll
The boys call him putty because
he's the next thing to pane.
He's such a stingy loosener that he
looks at you with one eye SOS not to
waste the other.
II you ask Sledgeheimer what time
1t is he takes of four minutes as his
commission for telling you.
Slim" said Sledgeheimer to Arthur
Shaw, do you smoker"
II was knockout.
In the annals of the road no one
could look back to the proud day when
Sledgeheimer had coughed.
Once, SO the legend runs, he gave
a porter a nickel, but 1t was afterward
discovered that Sledgeheimer was
asleep, and not responsible at the
time, so the porter gave 1t back.
Sleigeheimer tried to collect three
cents interest for the time the porter
kept the nickel. and the conductor had
to punch his mileage and his nose be-
fore he'd let go.
And now Sledgeheimer had asked
Slim II he smoked!
Sllm WAS pare Uut Suiuc'
Sometimes" he answered.
do you like goot seegar?" queried
Sledgehe!mer.
We looked for the engine to hit a
cow any minute now.
"Sure!" said Slim. weak all over.
"vell," said Sledgeheimer. here Is
my brudder-in-law's card. He makes
dot Grass Widow seegar on Sigsth
Avenue. Gif him a call ind mention
my name. He will be glat to see you,
yet"
Then Sledgehcimer went away back
and sat down.
The laugh was on Slim, so he dared
us all into the cafe, and after he got
busy with the button We all voted In
favor of Monticello highball.
After we had dampened our thirsts,
Bill Burress showed us how Hammer
stein would Americanize "Bingen on
the Rhine" Bill called 1t Der EN-
pre-" in honor of the Empire State
Express, Frank Westerton said. eng
lish joke-rotten!) This is how Dill
spelled it:
An Empire of der Big League lay
dying, full NIT fears; dare vas lack of
players nursing; aber nit of players
tears, but cop policeman watched him
vile his life's bleed ebbed away, und
bent NIT pidying glances to hear vot
did he say. Der dying Empire filtered
as he took dot copper's liant, und he
set: Il nefer more vii see my own,
my native liant; took message und
q token to some distant friends of
mine, for l vas born at Dopeville-at
Dopeville down der Line!"
"Tell my dear, short-sighted broth.
ers ven dey meet und crowd arount
to hear my mournful story, dot !
brafely helt my grount; dot l fooled
my decisions und googooed at der
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1908-12-03

still hangs tat the same old sign.
But widower doesn't need advertis.
ing; he is as frankly a widower as a
baby is a baby; and he's like a baby,
tco-because the first six months he
cries, the second six months he takes
notice. and he does mighty well II no
gets through his second summer!"
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1908-12-03
HsdherWay.

The oldest named country home ID
in Jackson county, according to a Co
lumbar who is friend Of the owner.
The name as It appears at the front
gate is "Hadherway," and never falls
to attract attention from passersby.
For years the wife wanted to leave
Kansas City and so to a farm. When
the family finally moved they named
the home NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
Herald.
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1908-12-03
HAVE NO CHANCE FOR GOSSIP

the chances OF recovering from pc
cuniary losses to allow the neighbor-
hood to discuss the matter with certain
knowledge. A graceful retreat can
generally be managed save in gossip
ing places. and even there silence Ii
much better than concession.
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1908-12-03
NOT EXACTLY.

Flossie Footlight-Part OF the jap
anese wedding ceremony consists In
the burning of the discarded toys OF
the bride.
Winnie Wings-Horrors You don't
mean cremating her CASTOR lovers. do
you?
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1908-12-03

For years / was
weak and run down.
could not sleep. my
limbs swelled and
the secretions were
troublesome; pains
were intense. ! was
fast in>bed for four
months. Three doc
tors said there was
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1908-12-03

If there is any one thing that q
woman breads more than another il
Is a surgical operation.
We can state without fear OF q
contradiction that there are hun.
dreds, yes, thousands, of operations
performed upon women in our hos
pitfalls which are entirely unneces.
sary and many have been avoided by
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1908-12-03

1t isn't safe to Judge by appearances.
The man who acts ferocious abroad
may be as meek as q lamb at home.
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1908-12-03

If YOU USE BALL BLUE,
Get Red Gross Ball Blue, the best Bal
Blue. Large OF. package only 5 cents.
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1908-12-03

Nothing prospers like q frenzfed
flnancier-for time.
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1908-12-03
ssp.pouNp ron MONTHS.
Hope Abandoned After physIolans'
Consultation.

Mrs. Enos Shearer, Yew and WASH
Ington Sts., Centralia. Wash. says:
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1908-12-03
LYDIA e. PINkHAM'S
VEGETABLE COMPOUND

For proof of this statement read
the following letters.
Mrs. Barbara Base, of Kingman,
Kansas, writes to Mrs. Pmkham:
"Tor eight years / suffered from tho
most severe form of female troubles and
was told that IN operation was my only
hope of recovery. wrote Mrs. Pinkham
for advice, and took Lydia Z. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound, and it has saved
my life and made me well woman"
Mrs. Arthur r. House, of Church
Road, Moorestown. N. j., writes:
az feel it is my duty to let people
know what Lydia E. Pinkham's Vege.
table Compound has done for me. l
suffered from female troubles, and last
March my physician decided that an
operation was necessary. My husband
objected, and urged me to try Lydia
E. Pinlsham's Vegetable Compound
and to-day I am well and strong"
FACTS FOR SICK WOMEN.
For thirty years Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound, made
from roots and herbs, has been the
standard remedy for female ills,
and has positively cured thousands OF
women who have been troubled with
displacements, Inflammation, ulcera-
ton. fibroid tumors, irregularities,
periodic pains, and backache.
Mrs. Pinlham invites all sick
women to write her for advice.
She has guided thousands to
health. Address, Lynn, Mass.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-09-08
KNIGHTS OF COLUMBUS. Last Nights Session Full of Interest Sterling Wood Elected Lecturer.

The regular meeting of Birmingham Council No. 635, Knights of Columbus. held last night, was, according to Sec retary M. E. Linnehan, especially inter esting
 Sterling A. Wood, past state deputy of the order, was unanimously elected lec- turer of the council and as such it will be his duty to arrange special features for the entertainment and instruction of the members at each meeting. He ar ranged the programme for last night and it was generally agreed by those present athat few meetings held in recent months had been quite so enjoyable. There were bright and informing addresses by J. A. verhoeven, a prominent lawyer of Chi cago, and M. A. Buttiner of Savannah, who is in the city as a delegate to the Postal Clerks convention. H. M. Van derputte of Cullman, Capt. Frank P. O'Brien, James J. O'RourkeN and John w. O'Neill also made talks.
 A social session, with dancing and re- treatments, will be given shortly, prob ably week after next.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-09-08
YOUNG MAN TRIES
 TO END HIS LIFE

James B. Lance. a young man, att manner by the laudanum route, about Il o'clock last night in the Patton-Pope drug store at Third avenue and Twen- tieth street. An ambulance hurried him to Hlllman hospital where he was soon out of danger
 My last night on earth was sorrow" read note found in his pocket bearing the notation to be opened within an hour after his death. Continuing the note gives the name of a young lady who was to be called up and notified of his death.
 Lance walked into the drug store and purchased an ounce bottle of laudanum. He took the bottle and walking to the side of the store suddenly placed it to his lips and drained the contents Several persons saw the act and attempted to reach him before he had time to swallow the laudanum but were too late.
 One of the men caught him by tho arm and started toward the rear of the store so he could be stretched out and worked on. Lance took a few steps then fell unconscious between the two center show cases. Shaw X Sons ambulance was summoned immediately and a rush trip made to the Hllman hospital, the unconscious man benig turned over to\ the hospital physicians in less than ten minutes after he had taken the drug
 It took but few moments to place him entirely out of danger.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-09-08
HAVING TROUBLE
 WITH STRAW BONDS
CHIEF BODEKER ISSUES ORDERS THAT BONDS MADE BY PRISON. FRS IN THE FUTURE MUST BE OF "GlLT EDGE VARIETY.

For some time past. it seems, the city has had a considerable amount of troubla resulting from police officers approving invalid straw" bonds. According to the statement of Chief Bodeker the clerk of the police court has on hand several thousand dollars of worthless bonds which officers have signed without cons sideration of their validity.
 In view of this fact, Chief Bodeker s- sued quite an important order yesterday. The following was addressed to the polics department
 Hereafter I do not want any straw bonds approved by any members of this department. Each bond taken should be 'gilt-edge' so that we can collect the money in case the person released fails to show up. The city has thousands of dollars of worthless bonds now l have. for the past 30 days had to detail an of- fieer to try to collect some of the money out of these bonds.
 Thereafter each officer will be held res sponsble for each bond which he ap- proves.
 %'You will be expected to comply with this strictly. Any one wishing to de- posit collateral for bond will bring same to the office of the chief of police ani deposit with myself or the desk sergeant. No officer will be allowed to take any collateral himself for bond.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-09-08

ship in our association and eligible to join the death benefit branch.
 "The Letter Carriers association and the Railway Mail Clerks association con- duct successful death benefit features. Their members all testify to the fact that these features have greatly strengthened their parent organizations. What they have done we can do. Fraternal insur- ance is now an exact science. We have the benefit of the experience of all the older fraternals.
 "Irritation over this subject is as old as the association itself. When we think we have 1t buried 1t irses like Banquo s ghost to confront us. There were days when the premiums were s4 and $6 and s7 on a 5000 bond was not uncommon.
 '"rhese high rates prevailed because the law provided that clerk once bond ed could not withdraw from the com pany in which bond was placed without resigning from the service.
 AS a result of the work of our asso- ciation Postmaster General Wynne rec commended to Congress that the law be amended to allow postoffice clerks to withdraw from any bonding company and take a new bond with the approval of the department. The National Surety company gave it's assistance to our na- tional president at the time to induce Congress to take this action.'
 The treasurer's report shows that dur ing the past year the receipts of the organization were S2s.2si.07, while the ex- penditures were S14,7S0.59, leaving ball. ance on hand in bank of $s51o.S.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-09-08
GREENvILLE SCHOOL OPENS.
Church Services for Benefit of the
 Pupils.

Greenville, September 7-(Special )-The public school opened this morning with a fine attendance. The prospect for a good year is fiattering. The faculty is as follows; Prof. R. M. Hodges, super intendent; Prof E. B. Gamble, principal high school department; Miss Mary Scale, Miss Eleanor Herlong, of Greenville; Miss Cornelia Simpson and Miss Elizabeth Simpson of Florence; Miss Mary Mastin of Huntsville; Miss Myra Traweek of Monterey; Miss Lindsey Williams of Hayneville Miss Willie McAndrew of Union Springs.
 At the Baptist church yesterday morn ing Dr. Blackwelder preached a sermon on education and the opening of the school year. At the evening hour the Rev. w. o. Waggeners sermon was to the pupils who were to enter the home schools and those who expected to leave home to enter colleges. Both discourses were calculated to do good, and were heard with much interest
 At the close of the evening service Mrs. John Brazeal of Birmingham sang by request "The Old House at Home, which touched the hearts of every one ;n the large audience. The rich, true voice, modulated and full of tenderness, made the song a beautiful close to the excel lent sermon.
 Mrs. Brazeal and children are the guests of the Rev. and Mrs. Waggener at the parsonage. MT Brazeal has also been spending several days here.
 Prof. D. P Christenberry of Greens boro spent yesterday in town, his first visit since he taught here 20 years ago.
 MT. and Mrs. owen S. Malone of Jack sonyille, Fla, are guests of MT. and Mrs. I. Y Traweek.
 Capt. and Mrs. R. E. Corry have gone to north Alabama, where they will spend A month visiting relatives at different points. This popular couple celebrated their golden wedding last year, ana their declining years are peaceful and happy.
 Miss Mollie Thagard is visiting Bir- mingham the guest of her brother pr. Albert Thagard and family.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-09-08
OVER 3OO TEACHERS
 ATTEND INSTITUTE
Prominent Educators Take Part
 In Proceedings
PROGRAMME FOR TODAY
Welcome Address on Behalf of City Delivered By pr. E. p. Hogan-Ten Counties Represented at
 the Institute.

The Ninth congressional district and Birmingham public schools institute was opened yesterday morning at the high school with more than 300 teachers fxom 10 counties present, the attendance being greater than at any previous institute. The teachers appeared very enthusiastic and thoroughly alive to the significance and opportunity of the occasion.
 Director C. B. Glenn presided at the morning session, and opened the insti- ute, while Director c. A. Brown handled the afternoon session. welcome ad- dress in behalf of the city of Birmingham was delivered by pr. E, P Hogan. follow ing an invocation by Prof. T. F. Slaton of Birmingham college. Welcoming speeches by. Prof. l. W. McAdory in behalf of the county, by Dr. J. H. Phillips for the Bir- mingham public schools, by Miss Willie Allen of the Margaret Allen school for the private schools of Birmingham by Pro- lessor Smith of the Massey Business col lege in behalf of the commercial schools of Birmingham, and by Dr. A P. Mon tague for the colleges of Birmingham Howard and the Birmingham college-fol- lowed.
 Addresses were also made by Prof S. j.. Robinet of Walker county, Prof. c. W. Albert of St. Clair county, Prof. J. V. Pogue of Jefferson county, Prof. G. W. Macon of Howard college, Prof. Joel C. DuBose, Dr. James K. Powers and MT. Waddy Thompson of Atlanta.
 The institute gives promise of being full of interest and importance during the full 10 days of meeting. An interesting progra mme has been arranged for today. as follows:
 S:3o to 9:15 a. m-Arlthmetic-C. C.. Saton.
 S:15 to 10 a. m.-Geography-W c. Griggs.
 10 to Il a. m.-Method of the Recitation -Dr. J. H. Phillips
 Il to l1:4o a. m.-Language-C. B. Glenn.
 11:45 a. m. to 12:15 p. m.-Pennmanship- W. E. striplin.
 Lunch.
 1 to 1:45 p. m.-Spelling-C. c. Slaton.
 1:45 to 2:16 p. m.-Music-Miss Una Gill bert.
 2:15 to p. m.-History-H. P. Burruss
 to 3:9O D. m.-Manual Training and Drawing-R. l.. Dimmitt
 3:30 to D. m.-Round Table-"Teachers Reading Course"-C. B. Glenn.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-09-08
WILL. GO ON TRAIL
 IF BLIND TIGERS Pastors Union Decides to Take
 Aggressive Steps WILL PUSH PROSECUTIONS The Rev. Frank P Culver Is Elected President to Succeed Dr. Dickin-
 son-WiI Assist the Law
 and Order League.
WILL PUSH PROSECUTIONS

An active fight will be instituted against the blind tigers roaming in the wilds of Birmingham and Jefferson county by the ministers of the gospel, this action having been decided upon at meeting of the Birmingham Pastors union held yester- day morning. The Law and Order league will be backed by the preachers and money will be raised to defray the ex- penses of prosecuting the cases
 The faintest rumor of a blind tiger will be sufficient to put a man on it's trail and in cases where it appears that the law is being violated will be pre- sented to the grand jury and request for an organization on the part of that body will be made. One minister, at the meeting, made the assertion that he had seen as many as 20 drunken men come out of one place since the prohibition laws became active on the statute books
 From a standpoint of enthusiasm and attendance the meeting was decidedly the most successful in many months. It was the annual meeting for the installat ton of officers and this drew a large number to the meeting. The Rev Frank P. CulNer, pastor or the EleNenth Avenue Methodist church, succeeded the Rev. J. A. Dickinson as president, while the Rev. U. D. Mooney, pastor of the Second Pres byterian church. assumed the secretary's chair, and the Rev. James H. Mccoy, president of Birmingham college, became treasurer.
 In his retiring speech President Dick inson made a few exceedingly plain re- marks anent the violations of the prohi- bition laws this talk following up a ser mon along the same line at the First Baptist church Sunday night. Other min> isters followed pr. Dickinson and be- fore adjournment matters assumed very enthusiastic stage
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-09-08
"The Land of Nod"

Manager Douglas makes the pleas musical extrava ganza production. The Land of Nod" will be seen at the Jef- ferson theatre Friday, matinee and night. This show was one of the dis tinct hits of last season here. It was presented by an unusually good com pany of comedians, singers and dancers and with remarkably lavish equip ment of scenery, costumes and electri- cal and other effects.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-09-08
Birmingham, Weather conditions for 24 hOnrs. ending D. nl-. Sentamhar { 1ane.
ADJUSTMENTS.
At the Jefferson.

"On the Bridge at Midnight a famil- jar melodrama, was presented at the Jefferson theatre last night. The scenes of the play are laid in Chicago and the characters are those with which the field of melodrama has been peopled by hard working playwrights There is pleaty of excitement In the piece and the four acts are well filled with incidents of a lively or humorous nature.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-09-08
Constable AssassInated.

Knoxville, September 7-Fowler Keeton, constable, was assassinated late iase night. being shot from ambush on pike between Helenwood and Huntsville, while conducting a prisoner to Huntsville. A iury of inquest today held Preston Wilder, Haywood Reed and a boy named Clark responsible. Excitement Is running high.