The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1908-01-24
a G R l..

His name was John .Adolph Jappers.
Jappers was young, tender, fresh. So
was his beard. Jappers had seen about
eighteen years of earthly woe, and he
was highly sens1tized by nature, al
though his father was a bluff old cod
ger without an ounce of nonsense in
his whole makeup.
John Jappers fell in love. He had a
girl, at least he thought he had, and he
thought he had said interesting things
n quoted poetry enough to make he.
just crazy to have him p One
day he concluded he would try to See
how an offer of marriage. made IN
true Rnightly style, would affect her.
He arrayed himself in purple and fine
linen, so to speak, made himself look
as ravishingly beautiful as he could
be ~andssought his divinity.
Coaxing her into the parlor, where
they might be unobserved. he proceed
ed in due and regular form to offer
himself. Did that girl swoon from ey-
cessive gladness? Did Miss pinky
Brown ding herself Oh his clean shirt
front and SWIVEL in ecstasy3 Well, not
to any great extent.
On the contrary, she laughed in his
face and called him a fool; told him to
go home and ask his mother for a
s8tngersnap, and when he seized her hy
the hand and attempted to demonstrate
her black and tan terrier seized him
by b calf of his leg and attempted
to extract a soup piece from it.
Jappers felt his proud heart break.
He wished he had snuff to- put in that
dogs eyes and a pistol bali to put l.e-
tween his own. He waited like a mar,
tyr until that pet Of hers had got
through With his lunch. and then, tai.
Ing his hat, he strobe haushtily from
the house, resolved to die, te smother
his grief in the lethean wave of OBJ
livion.
Looking neither to the right nor lett,
he made his way to an apo,hecary's
store and said he wanted a dose Of
arsenic to kill q cat. The druggist had
often met these crazy looking chaps
who wanted to poison cats and rats
and things, and, concluding at most
that he would only make the cat sick
of her existence for a few hours, he
proceeded to put up a strong emettc,
with which our heroic youth strobe
home, fully resolved on a funeral.
Going to his chamber. he wrote the
following note md left it on t,c to-
BILE:
Friends OF This Earth-Fate has fr4,r-
tured my heart. She whom 1 worshipca
has laughed at my love and set her dog
tomb. l cannot live in the same world
with her and 's1ow that 1 am scorned 1
have saken arsenic.
Then he tofk the emetic. Eelrg
strong. it worked laurriedly. 1t appear
ed to waltz through his troubled H..
terror, and he iIoaned like a stricken
calf. The family rushed up to his
room liz great alarm. His father gruff-
~ asked him wtHt the matter was, and
he pointed to the paper on the table.
The old man seized and read 1t.
"1ll be hanged if the cussed idiot
hasn't been taking a~-scnic.." he ex-
claimed, and, selling his hat, he rush
ed out for the nearest physician.
Grabbing a stomach pump, the doc
tor was Don at the bedside of his
bowling patient. Then the fun began.
The parent of that poor boy sat upon
his stomach, while the doctor applied
the pump, and the experience that he
underwent for the next ten minutes
was quite enough to make any man
Sigh for "the silent tomb" He could
feel it pull on his very corns.
After nearly turning him inside out
the doctor discovered the real truth
and limbered up his machine" to go
home. That matter Of fact father fol-
lowed him to know why he withdrew,
II he was quite IRE he had pumped
him dry, when the doctor Informed
him that he had been made a fool of,
that the boy had taken an emetic and
that he would take $40 for his trou-
bic in relieving him Of 1t.
That matter Of fact parent paid the
bill and showed Mr.. Medico out of
doors, and then, with a food Of pa
ternal love light in his eyes, he return
ed to his son
He ordered the others from the room,
and, after locking the door, he began
to act the part of an Indian medicine
man with the sufferer.
He warmed him with a rattan cane.
he sat upon him and busted the most
distended portions Of his pantaloons
With the palm Of his hand. he took
him By the two Ices and. holding him