The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1908-01-31
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"He's engaged to a widow" "How
did he meet herT "He did not meet
her. She overlook him. m."-Philadelphia
Inquirer.
When bird can sing and won't"
"Yes?" 1T isn't half the trouble as
a bird that can't sing and will."-Bal-
timore American.
"One woman" remarked the mere
man, sis just as good as another--if
not better" "And one man." rejoined
the fair widow, sis just as bad as an
other-if not worse. Chicago News.
Where have you been, Sam?" Use
been up to ma two ears In work, sah."
'Up to your two ears in work." "Yes,
sah." "What doing, Sam?" "Eatin'
a watahmellion, sab !''-Yonkers States
j man.
Tommy-Ma, baby Is naughty. He
cried because wouldn't give him any
Of my cake Mammals his own cake
finished? Tommy-Yes, ma; and he
cried while l was eating that, tool
Punch.
Don't I give you all the money you
need?" her husband complained. "Yes,"
she replied, "but you told me before
we were married that you would give
me all l wanted Chicago Record
/ Herald.
"You seem to find that book very in
| teresting," said Mrs. Henpeck. "Yes,"
replied Henry, sits delightful. I've
glanced at the ending, and the hero and
heroine don't get married after all."-
Washington Herald.
Miss Kreech-Some authorities be-
lieve that the practice Of singing will
keep a person from getting consump-
tion. Mr. Knox.-Yes, but most au-
thorities believe in "the greatest good
to the greatest number. philadelphia
Press.
Rural Citizen Ito son engaged in
strange exercises) )-Jabez, what in tar
nation be yer tryin' t. do? His Son
Its that thar correspondence school,
dad. / got a letter from the sopho-
mores yestiddy tellin' me to haze
n'self.-Puck.
"Who is this fellow Rush you spoke
of" "Oh, he's well-known chauf-
feur." "a well-known chauffeur
That's what I said!" "Why, never
heard of him." "Well, you would If
you were court clerk like amp
Yonkers' Statesman.
"Gracious! my DEAR" said the first
society belle, II do hope you're not Ill;
you look so much older tonight" "Im
quite well, thank you, DEAR replied the
other, ''and you-how wonderfully Inn
proved you are! You look positively
young Philadelphia Press.
Casual Caller Ito one next him)-I
was introduced to that squint-eyed, red
haired woman over there as Mrs. Some
body or other. Don't you think the
man was an idiot that married her?
Next One (meekly)-I can't just say.
L m Cne mdn.-DdlllnOIe hneilSoh'
"You enjoy going to the theater?"
"Yes," answered Mr.. Meekton. "But
you don't care much for musical
plays?" "No What enjoy Is to take
/ Henrietta where there Is a whole lot
of conversation going on in which she
can't say a word. New York Tribune.
''Tomkins has got more nerve than
any man l ever met" "What now?"
"He came over to my place yesterday
to borrow my gun, saying that he want
ed to kill dog that kept him awake
nights" "Well, what of it?" "It was
my dog he killed" milwaukee, Senti-
nel.
"Does your honor wish to charge the
| juryY' asked the legal light, when all
the evidence was in. "No, guess
not" replied the judge. Il never
charge 'em anything. These fellows
don't know much. any way, an let 'em
have all they can make. .'-Harper's
Weekly.
"Do you think" asked the sweet
girls mother. that Mr.. Wilkins is Sc
rious?" Serious? Ma, he's worse
than that. He stayed here till nearly
12 o'clock last night, and any one who
had studied his face might has thought
he was sitting up with corpse. ."-Cn
cago Record Herald.
Father-I wish you'd invite that
young man of yours up here tomorrow
night. Daughter (surprised at the re-
quest why, father, l thought you
said you had no use for him? Father
So | did, last summer. But tomorrow
I'm going to put up the stove.-Detroit
Free Press.
"What does your father do to earn
his living2" asked New York princi-
pal Of a pupil who was being admitted.
'Please, ma'am, he doesn't live with
us: mamma supports me-" "Well then,
how does your mother earn her living?"
"she gets paid for staying away from
papa" replied the child, artlessly.-
Harper's Weekly.
| The Scholar.