The Democratic advocate., 1908-01-17

protestations. The lover who promises all
things without reserve is too often like the
fellow who doesn't question the hotel bill
nor ask the price of the wine, because he
doesn't intend to pay it anyway. The
fellow who is prodigal with his vows and
promises and poetry is generally the one
to whom such things mean nothing, and,
being of no value, can be flung about gen.
erously to every girl he meets. The firm
with the biggest front Office is likely to
be the one with the smallest deposit in the
safe. The man who swears off loudest on
New Years is usually the one they have
to carry home the morning after. A chap
who promises girl life of roses is the
one who will let her pick all the thorns off
for herself.
"Perhaps,' sighed the widow, chewing
the stem of a violet thoughtfully, 'the
best way to cure man of taste tor any
thing, after all, is to let him have too
much of it instead of making him swear
off. If you want him to hate the smell
of pipe insist ON his smoking all the time.
If you want him to sign the temperance
pledge, serve him wine with every course.
IF you want him to hate a woman, invite
him to meet her every time he calls, and
tell him how suitable she would be.
"And if you want him to love you,
finished the bachelor, ''don't ask him to
swear it, but tell him that he really ought
not to. The best way to handle donkey
human or otherwise-is to turn his head
in the wrong direction and he'll back in
the right one.
"Then," said the widow decisively, "we
ought to begin the New Year by making
some irresolutions.
sHSome-what p
"Vows that we won't stop doing the
things we ought not to dc" explained the
widow.
"All right agreed the bachelor
thoughtfully, "I'll make an irresolution to
go on making love to you as much as l
like"
"You mean as much as I like, Mr..
Travers corrected the widow severely
"How much do you like p asked the
bachelor, leaning over to look into the
widows eyes.
The widow kicked the corner of the rug
tentatively.
~ ike--all but the proposing she
said slowly. "You really ought to stop
that"
''r III going to stop it-tonight."
The widow looked up in alarm.
''Oh, you don t have to commence keep
ing your resolutions until tomorrow morn
ing she said quickly.
"And you are going to stop refusing
me-tonight, continued the bachelor
firmly.
The widow studied the corner of the
rug with great concern.
"And," went on the bachelor, taking
something from his pocket and toying with
it thoughtfully, "you are going to put on
this ring''-he leaned over, caught the
widows hand and slipped the glittering
thug on her third finger. "Now," he
began, "you are going to say you will
The widow sprang up suddenly.
ooh, don't, dom - she cried. "In
moment we IL be making promises p
"We don't need to, said the bachelor,
leaning back nonchalantly, eve can begin
by making-arrangements. Would you
prefer to live in town or at Tuxedo? And
do you think Europe or Bermuda the best
place for the
Bermuda, by all means,' broke in the
widow, "and | wish you'd have thai
hideous portico taken off your town house,
Billy, and But the rest of her words
were smothered in the bachelors coat
lapel-and something else.
"Then you do mean to marry me, after
ALL, cried the bachelor triumphantly.
The widow gasped for breath and patted
her hair anxiously.
"I-I meant to marry you all the time!'
she cried, ''but never thought you really
in earnest and"
"Methinks,' quoted the bachelor
happily, "that neither of us did protest
too much. We haven't made any prom.
ises, you know
"Not one" rejoined the widow, Gas te
my flirting
"Nor as to my clubs. "
"Nor as to my relatives. l."
"Nor my cigars.
"And we won't make any vows" criee
the widow, "except marriage vows.
"And New Year irresolutions, added
the bachelor.
"Listen p cried the widow softly, with
her fingers on her lips.
A peal of thousand silver bells rang
out on the midnight air.
"The chimes,'' exclaimed the widow.
They're full of promises. "
81 thought it sounded like wedding
bell, said the bachelor, disappointedly.
"Maybe," said the widow, cit was
only Love-ringing of. -
Fat Men and Jobs.