The Washington herald., 1908-01-05
Maria'S Midnight Lectures;
LECTURE NO. Fl.

luton broken already. That's just like
you. Job, and l was so relying on your
two promises. Two; yes! First you
promised that you'd swear off until the
first of April, and then you promised
that you wouldn't go gadding about on
Saturday nights. but'd come home and
let US have some reasonable talk together
about the affairs of the nation ! did
so hope that 1865 was going TO be hap
by year for me. but here you are start
ing off again. What? You've been down
to the poultry show! Why. Job: you
know that doesn't open until next week.
Do. for heavens sake let your stories be
reasonable. And here Ise been sitting
up for YOU and just aching for you TO
come home. Little Emily's got the Group
again and can't speak above a whisper,
and my sister, Grace, was here all even
ing and | did so want you to see her
Harry. that's her husband, bought her
the incest horseshoe pin for New Years
diamonds and pearIs-I really don't
know where he gets the money from.
a new cab next week. tell you that
girls lucky. I wish I'd a married
heavy-set man!
Grace and l have been going over the
papers together while we were waiting
for you and We've been so interested in
the politics. wish you could explain
10 me all about this Senator Foraker
and the primaries. / Just can't see
why IT is he can't get along with that
nice fat Mr.. Taft out in Ohio. It's sim
ply terrible to have Ohio all torn up
like this, and-whos this Mr.. Dick. any
way, and why do they always speak Of
him by his first name2 And why is It,
Job, that liquor is figuring so largely in
this campaign? They seemed TO have
fused about MIR Fairbanks and the
cocktails, and new see that Cham
payne has declared for Mr.. Cannon. and
nobody seems 10 mind It. And there's
a headline that says that Mr. Bryan Is
weak in Michigan-and I didn't even
know he was aiingl I tell you, politics
Is hard to understand
'One thing I notice that I'm sorry
for, and that is that they are going to
stop horse racing in the District Of Co
lHmbia. That means, of course. that
there won't be any racing at Benning.
and I was kinder hoping that you might
pick out another winner and then I
could get those new parlOr curtains I've
been wanting for so long. But nothing
l. he 7
Did you see where some beast OF a
Frenchman says that American women
are geese. The nerve Of him. And I
went over TO the BeIasc0 Theater 10
hear that lecture about Mars and most
Of the audience was made W Of
women-it's Us who are interested in
finding out whether Mars Is inhabited.
OF course I didn't understand il all. but
the man showed us some beautiful pic
lures Of canals. and he explained all
about what opposition meant. so that
now I know that when Mars IS in oppo-
sition il is Just opposite Isn't language
a wonderful thing? He didn't tell US
what the people on Mars look Ike.
though
Don't you love science. Job? I see
a scientist says that woman should
always marry a round-faced man. Why
didn't they find that out long ago. 1
wonder. II I'd have known that as A
girl just couldn't have paid any atten-
ton to you, for you're anything but
roUnd-faced Job-your face has got
corners 10 it,
And. then. speaking about science.
I'd always heard that if YOU touched
mans brain he'd die, but there's a chap
down in Texas who was hit on the head
and lost two ounces of his brain, and
he's not only still living, but he's better
than ever. He used to drink and now
he doesn't like the taste Of liquor. and
he used to stay out of nights and now
he comes home and goes to bed every
night at O'Clock. OF course. Job. I'd
hate to have any accident happen TO
you, but still. Oh by the way. what
Is that Commissioner West means when
he says that the District of Columbia
should have sanitary sheets. What's
that-streets! Well. why sanitary? And
I see that the gas company is still fight
ing in the courts for a chance to raise
its stock. wish somebodyd fight 'em
to reduce the gas bills.
oh. say, Job. you've just got 70 save
up some money SOS we can go to the
theater and see Afr. Eddie Foy play
Hamlet to May Twins Ophelia. I al
ways did love Hamlet, and / do think
Mr.. Foy's so intelligent and handsome.
He's the man 10 uplift the drama.
can tell you. I notice. Job, that they're
kicking In Germany because they've
raised the price Of coal 10 cents a ton
! wish that was all they'd raise 1t over
here; but it's been so hot we haven't
had to use much coal this winter, and
I'm kinder sOrTy you bought those two
tons. All that money tied up and we
can't burn It. ! might have used It to
buy that new dress I need so badly.
Have you noticed, Job. any increase in
my intelligence lately. I'll tell you
what done it. I've been trying so
hard to save a little money that I've
just shopped and shopped all winter and
now ! see that a doctor comes out with