The Washington herald., 1908-03-08
MARIA'S MIDNIGHT LECTURES.
LECTURE NO. 80.

kind Of bait and MIR. Roosevelt says
that fishing is only good for moIIycod-
dies, SOS ! guess you can give the sport
up You'd much better put II your
extra time at the office and earn enough
extra money TO buy Haley some spring
pants,
'Oh. say. Job. I forgot 10 tell you
Did you know that We won the prize in
that raffIe at Haggerty's Erocery-two
boxes OF laundry soap. We won it on
that first ticket you bought 1 told you
not 10 80 buying any more tickets and
here II Is. We won on the first ticket and
the other was just a waste Of money.
It's awful good soap. too. thought it
was toilet soap till I tried TO scrub little
Emily's legs with it last night. and st
took the hide OF. You can use IT,
though, Job. your skins so tough I
sometimes wonder. dear. whether you
ever realize how much your standing
IN this community is due 10 me. Did
you read what tlat preacher said the
other day about how many men there
were respected for the wives they have?
I wish you'd take it to heart and be a
little grateful.
Coming back to politics. Job. see
that out in Indiana they've renominafed
Charley Lands, handsome Charley with
the gray hair. bet you they've been
reading all about the way he went after
Stilllngs and that's why they want 70
keep him in Office They do know q lot
about politics in Indiana. I see that It's
70 make the nominating speech for Mr..
Fairbanks. and bet itII be a hot one
Beveridge gets so enthusiastic when he
gets real live subject. Maybe they'll
let Charley Lands second the nonnina-
tion-not delegate? We'll. he could be
II he wanted 70. guess. I'd Ike to see
anything them lands boys can't ger in
Indiana, And, speaking about Mr..
Roosevelt and the third term. I think
its all foOHshness. Here's Mr.. Diaz
down in Mexico just getting ready 70
run for a sixteenth term. I wonder
where the railroads would be and how
much money we'd all have If cur Presi-
dents were TO serve sixteen termse That
numberd just suit Mr.. Bryan. should
think
Il haven't seen much about the navy
recently. SO I suppose its all right I
hope. at any rate. it's out in deep water.
for our ships do certainly Ike 10 take
a run ashore whenever they get
chance Here's the Mayfower been per-
fectly safe all the winter moored fast
in the Potomac River. but the minute
they turn her loose she runs on a sand
bank and poor Mrs Roosevelt can't
get down 10 New Orleans until she's
pulled On-the MayhOwer, mean. III
bet il makes the President mad TO have
his yacht ashore. No wonder he's tax
ing up the study Of Esperanto SOS he
can really express himself. II that Ian
guage sounds as bad as il looks on paper
I'll bet the captain OF the Mayfower'u
be sorry when he hears the President
EsperantoinE him.
There doesn't seem 10 be much news
OF interest 10 US women folk this week.
does there, Job? I see where there's
one woman I'D il Chicago who says shs
is going 10 live on Orange-5uice for the
next two months. but I can't see that
sheH economize much on that. not with
oranges the price they are: why they're
almost as dear as eggs. and not half so
filing. And there's a woman I read
about lives in Wilkesbarre-that she did
live there until she ate a lot OF indelible
pencils-I guess she was marking her
husbands clOthes-and they gave her
the blues SOS she died.
And what do you think. they say
-
FaSsar College, didn't know the STUFF
was catching. did you? But even II i
is I'd Ike 10 know what's the use of the
higher education OF women Il Vassar
girls have 20 have appendicitIs-just
the same as if they'd never been 70
school And there was another college
bred woman. up in Chicago she was. ar
rested the other day and she confessed
that she had committed no less than
fffty-three burglarles. II that sort OF
thing is al were giving diplomas 70
the advanced woman for it's my humble
opinion that we'd be better OF without
the advance.
Job, you've simply got to stop smok-
ing them nasty cigarettes. They say II
was cigarettes that caused all the trou-
bic down at your Office so that al The
men. the chief included. have TO step
into the hallway every time they need
pun, and now they decided It was
cigarette that caused the big fire down
at Tampa II the truth were known
III bet it wasn't that woman's COW that
caused the Chicago fre-they just
charged IL on the COW because she was
female-it was probably some dudes
cigarette that caused it all
I guess, though. that by and BY we
won't have any more trouble from fires
and things ike that-I see they've in
vented smokeless powder and soft bull
lets and noiseless rifles and scentless
scents; we've only got to go d little far
ther and get freless cigarettes ana
tasteless food and spendless money ana
oh. pshaw, what's the use! It's awful
hard to get things done in this country
even with the legislators we've got and
now they're talking Of sending a deaf
and dumb man 10 Congress-why. Job.
they might just as well have you there
You'd sleep most of the time. like as
not. and even then you'd be about as
much use as the rest Of them. I tell
you, Job, my dear, I'm going 10 QUIT
trying 70 serve the country and go 10
bed Little Emily was down in the Poto-
mac marshes yesterday afternoon. and
I've got TO get Up early and snavel the
cockie-burrs out'n her hair. Good-niSht.
Forestry and Floods.