The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-08-28

love out OF my heart. 1t had cost tn,
mothers life.
My golden-haired Miriam! M,
beautiful darling in her shroud, ant
this unheeding infant wailing contin
uously. If the child had only beer
taken and the mother left. Kindnes.
dld all that could be done, brough
the crying infant to be loved an6
blessed, but I couldn't love and
couldn't bless it. 1t was ugly; it wa:
thin; it was hideous.
Carry it from me as far as yor
can was my furious cry. 'Nevei
Will see 1t, never acknowledge it,
1t was the brutal answer of a mar
beside himself, and l was brutal, but
was suffering. So they treated me
as man crazed by grief ought to be
treated.
The poor little crying babe was
cared for, but taken out of my sight
and they left me alone with my
trouble.
Alone with my beautiful dead, her
shining eyes closed forever. her gold
en- hair blazing with light even under
the coffin lid.
After the funeral, while my fran
tic grief made scene of misery, they
bore the child away into the green
country. My mother took it to her
loving heart.
1t has neither father nor mother"
she would say, but l will be both to
it. Honey, they shan't have you,"
she would whisper to the child, 'you
are all mine"
was stupid fool so to mourn. so
to put out of my sight every reminder
OF my dead wife, but unreasoning
man will be stupid and at times a
fool. | loved my wife passionately,
but not wisely. So elated had | been
with my conquest that, like man
who puts precious coin in hiding,
/ tormented myself and I tormented
my poor wife. She would have seen
how jealous l was. from the first. but
she was like an angel and forgave
everything.
Absorbed in my sorrows still me-
elected the child. l would not see
it. From week to week l sent money
for its care, but let it stay where it
was, let me stay where l was. NY
work absorbed me. l had lost Mir
lam, henceforth nothing could COM
fort me. l would have died first.
Nothing could tempt me to go home
and see him. l dreaded the sight of
him, as l would have loathed poison.
He grows so strong and pretty"
my mother wrote. HE cries no
longer" That was all very we'll, but
when she added, Come and see
him." I rebelled. He might be beau
tiful; he might be wonderful but he
lad lost me my pearl of pearls There
would never be another Miriam for
me.
No. would not ever let them send
me the boys picture | was icono-
clast enough to lave broken it if
they had. Strange that love seemed
dead In my heart. cherished SEN
timentalism to the extent of feeling
that l should never love again, in
sect, beast nor bird, woman nor child,
and l glorified in my self-exclusion.
The time went on. l neglected my
mother, who was wearing out her
heart for me; would not even go to
see her because l wanted not to see
the boy, who had become an image
of hatred, as look at it now. Time
abated not the force OF my grief
rather exaggerated it. Still the let
tiers came occasionally.
THE boy had teeth, two, three.
six, seven, he smiled like an angel,
he was beautiful, he was growing
fast. Fourteen months old and you
have not seen him. And he looks
like you"
Then I'll never see him." I cried,
between my teeth, and I knew that
in my way was a handsome man,
but for that eternal melancholy.
II she had said he looked like Mir
lam, or he has her eyes, her hair,
her teeth. her smile, | don't know
what l might have been tempted to
do, but l was stubborn. He had
taken my Miriam from me. He had
consigned her to the dark grave. No.
let him be anathema maranatha.
l loathed him. believe I all but
began to loathe my mother for
tempting me. What did want of
the boy? Why did need to be for
ever reminded of my loss, which was
irreparable? So my heart in scrip
tural language waved harder and
harder and less human.
At last shock recalled me to my
senses.
| had-been on long journey. My
mail had accumulated. Among the
letters which ! read on my return
home was one announcing my moth
Tiers Illness That was dated only
few days after my departure. What
might not have happened in the
meantime? Then there came a
thought of the boy. What had be-
come OF him? Suppose my mother
should die? For the first time a rill
sprang up in my heart, tiny, but of
perhaps fatherly affection. The news
was weeks old and no letter had
come in the interim. was actually
forced to determination to go home
unconscious of what was to meet me.
The car wheels seemed leaden. The
beautiful prospects of my old coun-
Try nome were almost forbidding
Plainly the old well came into sight.