The Washington herald., 1908-03-15

Il wish you'd stop that laughing. Job.
it's fine time for you 70 come home
here laughing as If everything was
splendid when you know that / have
been sitting up here for four hours
waiting for you You told me you'd be
home at o'clock. and here It is nearly
I! Yes. you've been drinking. know
it by the way you are laughing II
you only knew it. it's mighty dangerous
to get started that way have been
reading about a man out in Cincinnati
who is dying because he can't stop
laughing. l don't know what started
him of. but the papers say it was be-
cause his mother-in-law had decided 70
go off on a visit Thank heaven. Job.
you've got no such excuse as that II
u hadn't been for my mother coming
here and living With US. little Emily
wouldn't have had thing on earth 10
wear, and she darned every pair Of
socks you've got-but you're not bit
grateful
Poor little Emily. there's always
something the matter with that child
don't know what caused tit may
have been because you brought home
that pigs In the~clOver' puzzle for her
but at any rate she's got a sty In her
left eye and I've had 10 keep her out
OF school for two days What. are you
going 10 bed Well, I don't care how
uncomfortable you make yourself. you've
got to tell me something about the news
OF the week before / go % bed. I've
been sitting here waiting for YOU for
the last two or three hours. What's this
about this man Sidney Bieber2 ] see
the papers are full Of IL I always
thought that Congress could do no
wrong, and Yet it seems they are Jump
ing on Congress because Mr.. Bieber-
who is an awfully nice man-was
granted some land along the water
front Why not l wonder, II YOU had
any brains al all you would get Con-
gress to grant you something. But
all you've got sense enough 10 get is
$500 year-Sl. .90O-and the President
expects people like Us 10 have a large
family Little Emily and little RaIey
keep US poor enough as * Is.
4 see the President made a speech
before the mothers meeting The other
day-not that l hold with mothers.
meetings. because. so far as I have
found out you don't have 20 hold a
convention 70 learn how 10 take care
OF youngster. 1 never attended any
meetings, and I have brought up two
children, so far. The only thing The
matter with little Haley is. he's got
holes in the knees OF his stockings. and
that's your fault more than mine In
spite OF the fact that the newspapers
jumped onto President Roosevelt on
account Of his letter-writing. and made
a lot Of fun about his Dear Maria
see that Kaiser Bill. Of Germany. isn't
far behind him in letter writing. and
that Lord TweedmOuth OF England. IS
almost as gabby as Bellemy Storer.
reckon there won't be any war. though.
between Germany and England. and if
there is. [ suppose President Roosevelt
viii intervene He's not going. 10 have
Won Sternberg killed. and have the
Presidents tennis spoiled all the sum
mer.
Il notice in the papers. Job, where
Judge Stafford has absolutely settled
the question Of bookmaking at Benning.
1t takes you men 10 go out Of the way
10 md funny decisions about Law. He
says II man stands still when Won
make a bet with him you are violating
the law. and II he runs around and you
catch him and make 8 bet before he
knows il. that it's all right. 1 reckon
if you go out TO the race track this
year Job. you will have TO put on your
running shoes before you can get a
bet down. Maybe it's all for the best.
and I'll have more money for house
cleaning after the race meeting is over.
Isn't that Hetty Green a wise wom-
an? She won't have any foreign counts
or dukes for her sons-in-law. She saws
she would sooner have her daughter
marry a nice newspaper man than any
foreign nobleman. and don't blame
her. OF course. Hetty Green's son-in-
law is going 10 have lot Of money 10
spend. and these foreign hoblemen
know how 10 spend Il. and she's mighty
wise in picking out a newspaper man
for the husband for her daughter. be-
cause they have had no experience in
spending money-can't any Of them earn
enOugh-and Hetty Green always was
good at bossing newspaper men.
What's that. Job2 No. won't come
over and kiss you. see where man in
Chicago Is suing his wife for divorce
because she kisses him too much. and
YOU are not going to get rid OF me that
way-not with two children on my hands.
I tell you that there is getting 10 be
mighty few things about nlatrimonv
that the Courts are not onto these DAYS.
There's a man in Des Moines. Iowa.
being sued for divorce because his wife
SAYS she was married to him seventy
eight days and he came home late at
night seventy-hve times. and each time
had a different excuse. The courts held
that If man were that good a liar he
was too good for mstrimouy and they
let him go. think it's scandaIous. You