The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-18

her sake. For her sax, . quit wearing
paper collars ana hought the real stuff
n give You al il chance 10 say that
I'd bring up in TIA. poorhouse. When
| 1Doa her 20 the circus and into all
the silesho0s besides and bought pea
nuts and lemonade and candy on top
of that. it seemed to most of you that
l had gone crazy. but | was simply in
love. OEce when the wilder had to go
away for a day l went over and found
her tracks at the back door and sat
beside them for hours and hours. If
that don't settle the question Of wheth-
er 4 man can love the second time,
then l don't know.
Gentlemen. I was two long months
hesitating over asking the wilder to
be mine. and yet the rest of you was
saying that she'd jump at the chance.
Mebbe You was right. I know that
when I finally managed to get up the
courage l hadn't hardly got my mouth
open before she says yes. and we was
married a month later.
"And now ONE the real pint. I'd
been boss of the house, same as all
you are boss of yours. Wasn't it
material for me to keep right on boss
ing? Had the thought Of surrenderirg
the reins Of government occurred to
me? Is a man and a husband to be
treated like a child or a slave? At the
first go off her bossing was a novelty,
and l rather liked it and encouraged it.
I was still in love. you see. Aftel
about a month the novelty wore off,
and I began to assert myself. I took
the bossing business into my own
hands. What follered? Why, that
wife got right up on her hind legs and
made the air blue for forty rods
around. She got out ten words to my
M When l took her by the cal
to sit her down in a chair and hush he1
out by handfuls.
II vent over and had a talk with
Joab Hammersmith, who is living
with his No. 3. l thought Joab
could show me the trick, but I was
mistaken. He said he'd been a crush.
ed strawberry for years and years and
| expected to remain SO for the remain
= der of his days. 1t has got so at his
house that when a lightning rod man
comes along he's got to inquire Of
| Mrs. Hammersmith or be ruiz off the
premises. Then I went and had a talk
with the pastor Of my church. He adj
| vised me that l try moral suasion.
went home and tried 1t and found my.
self in the back yard with the doc,
locked and a freezing night.
WHO Bosses the Roost?"
Gentlemen. who bosses the ro0st?
Mrs. Spooner.
"Who handles the cash? Mrs. Spoon
er.
"Who tells me when l can 60 and
when l shall come? Mrs. Spooner.
who gives me liberty to draw my
breath? Mrs. Spooner.
I'm only telling you what you all
know and what is the gossip of the
town. She made up her mind when
she became No. 2 that she'd be the
boss, and she's carried it out. That's
the way with all No. 2's. No. i knuc-
kles right down and let's you do the
bossing and thinks it's all right, but
No. . is no such chicken. She intend
ed to get the whip hand when she mar
ried you, and she's going to keep it OF
raise such Il row that you'll wish you
was in your grave.
understand, gentlemen, that I'm
saying nothing agin Mrs. Spooner.
She's tiner'n silk. Oh, Lord, but such
picked peaches as she does put up,
And apple sass-it makes you grin
from your neck to your heels. just
one of the incest women in the county.
and l hope that she'll outlive me by
twenty years, but l have had to use
her for an Illustration. She married
me to be boss, and she is boss, same
as all the other No. 2's. L hain't eX-
actly saying that the man who loses
No. l shouldn't look for a No. 2, but
I'm saying that if he does he ought
to know what's coming to him and
what he'll be sure to get. I've fit
ag'in it and tit and fit, but it's no go.
Tonight she sends me down here
after a gallon of lie and says | can
stay jest forty minutes. Them forty
is so mighty nigh up that I've got to
get a hump on me and run all the way
home, and even then Mrs. Spooner
may be standing there with a club to
hit me when l jump through the gate
NJ. QUAD.