Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1908-12-25
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to sell his auto.-Puck
WAS that you l kissed in the con-
servatory last nightT" About what
time was itT-Philadelphia Inquirer.
She-Yes, whenever see a man in
dark street l always run. He-And do
you ever catch one Of them ?-Harper's
Weekly.
Il didn't see you in church yester-
day" NO; Willie didn't shovel IA
path through the Sunday papers in
time."-Puck.
Polly-IIow do you like my bathing
suit? Dolly--It must have been per-
fectly sweet before you outgrew it
Cleveland Leader.
Barber-Hair getting thin, sir. Ever
tried our hair preparation, sir? Gus
tomer-No, l can't blame it on that
Boston Transcript.
He-lIas your fortune ever been
told? She-No; but | dare say papa
will tell you If you really have serious
eHllOllS.-SkelCn.
you seem to manage remarkably
well on your housekeeping money"
yes; the storekeepers haven't sent in
their bills yet."-Stray Stories.
when they take woman away from
the co-educational college," said the
speaker, what will followW Il WILL"
cried a voice from the audience.-Suc-
cess
"Ah, see you are married I" eXclaim.
ed the merchant. NO. sir" replied the
applicant for a position. 81 got this
scar in a railroad accident."-The Bo-
hemian.
Louie-Uncle, what's chagrin? I'm
cle-Well, it's what stout man feels
when he runs and jumps on car that
doesn't start for half an hour.-Chicago
Daily News.
Tommy-Pop, what is retributlon?
Tommy's Pop--Retribution my son, Is
something that we are sure will event
ually overtake other people.-Philadel-
phia Record.
Mrs. Benham-Why does n man hate
his mother-in-law? Benham - He
doesn't hate her; he simply hates to
think of the way she got into his fam
ily.-Harper's Weekly.
"De real resourceful man." said I'M
Gle Eben, "when some one hands him n
lemon is ready wild de sugar and other
fixin's to make it tol-lable pleasant to
take. Washington Star.
"Otiicer, | appeal for protection. A
man is following me ,and attempting to
make love to me-" "Begorry, Owe been
lookin' for an escaped lunatic. Where
is he?-Kansas City Times
Scott-What makes you think that
the trust originated in Rhode Island?
Mott-Dad used to speak of the trust
in Providence as far back as when
was n boy.-Boston Traveller.
Old Gent-Here, you boy, what are
you doing out here, fishing? Don't you
know you ought to be at school? Small
Boy-Therc, now! | knew I'd forgot
something. .-Philadelphi Inquirer.
Sparks-I wonder why it is a woman
lets out everything you tell her? Parks
My dear boy, woman has only two
views of n secret-either 1t Is not worth
keeping, or it is too good to keep
Stray Stories.
"You know Miss Strong, don't you?"
"Oh, yes; mannish sort Of girl" rs
she, really" "Yes she used the tele'
phone to-day for the first time in her
life, and she didn't gggle once."-Phil.
adelphia Press,
She--This dress doesn't become my
complexion. | must change 1t. He
More expense? | can't stand 1t; you'll
ruin me. She-You silly! don't mean
the dress-I mean the complexion
Chicago Journal.
Here, Wllie" cried the boys ia.
ther, "you mustn't behave that way.
Everybody will be calling you little
glutton. Do you know what that Isl"
81 suppose" replied Willie, its big
glutton's little boy"
Il have written a book that every.
body ought to read,' said the author
81 am afraid 1t won't do" answered the
publisher. "What the public seems to
want now is book that nobody ought
to read Washington Star.
blacksmith asked me to come to his
home this evening. Says he's going to
celebrate his golden wedding. Gladys
Why, he's been married only three
years. Jack-That's what told him.
He said it seemed like fifty.
Mrs. Ilenpeck Ito her husband)--
What would you do If | were to diet
Henpeck-It would drive me crazy.
Mrs. H.-Would you marry asalni