davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-03-07
HU1HOR or THE DAY

IT never told lies when was a little
When did you begin, then, mamma p
London Opinion.
Do They?-The young like to be told
what they don't know; the old, what they
do Knoxville.
Stella-Did you have a tit?
Behaves, but don't know whether IL
was an Understanding or a misunder-
Tommy FTgg-sister's beau kicked my
dog yesterday, but I got even with HIM
Johnny BriggsNHow?
Tommy Figg--!I mixed quinine with her
Lawrence had just cried: Don't give up
But aueried an officer of the line.
suppose the t., president calls you names II
Sun. = 800 '''' e'es ''o''.--'>e" hork
Master of the House Ito servant who
has been using his motor during his alb
senceo-What do you mean, you scoundrel
servant aaD UI aad wnIy55lnE my psroa
kept up the reputation of the house-we
ran over two pedestrians.-The Throne.
ius.'' eeA-
"Boshl We're not all women geniuses.
how would most families exist ?'-wash-
| tngton Herald.
Father-Why don't you study to be pro-
JOHNNY don't want to stir I'D class
enmity.-New York Sun.
| There's a mystery about sleep which
none of us can explain" says a physician.
He has reference. we presume, to the way
sleep overcomes US while we are trying
to wade through one Of the s.best seiiers.S
washington Post.
begging letters a day.
Wen. that only goes to show how the
tariff on steel rails Increases the postoffice
1t takes two to make bargain, but only
one OF them gets it.-Puek-
Mrs. De Close-wnne. what have you
been doing? - D..
Willie-I bin skatin'.
Mrs. De Close-Nonsensei You haven't
been out Of the house.
1e Wli Ice ,tb tb bin kat. ssas.n on make be-
me last birthday.-Judge.
Boohoo! Boohoo!" walled little john
why. what's the matter, dear7.' his
mother asked. oon1fortfng1y.
toesP' p@pA
We'll. dear; that's too, bad, but you
4 d-d-didn TT laughed 1 Ah Boohoo. Boo
hooP'-Everybody@s Magazine.
IT hardly know. The doctor saws 1 need
carbohydrates and proteids and 1 want
something nitrogenous, think"
"Yessfr. How about an order of hasll?''
Washington Herald.
cheerful invalid is ono who prtdes
herself on her lovely indisposition-Puc
Mrs. Qufverfu1-Johni Wake up!
Mr.. Quiverfu1-What's matter?
Mrs. Q.-Get up at once, Johnl think
the baby has the Group.
MT. Q:-Aw, let's wait till you're sure
OF ft--Cleveland Leader.
you we'll" 1'
About what shall I writer
Oh. anything. Hold the mirrov up to
nature, my boy"
Gould you advance me the price Of a
small mirror" ventured the poet with a
sad smile.-kansas City Journal
You men," said Mrs Naeeet. "ara
such grouches. Now, we women never
get as cranky and disagreeable as Won
DO" you
mo wonder; you haven't any wives 10
phia Press.
The strait and narrow way ought to he
more popular with pedestrians than # is
since It is not wide enough for ANTONIO,
Post
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-03-07

Sensible men do not take much
stock in the pratirgs of politicians
who are ever using the word ere
form" as their slogan. A simple an
alyzation of their motives leads read
lily to the proper conclusion that they
are merely the ''outs'' who desire to
get I'm by hook or crook.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-03-07

A couple Of experienced gentlemen
ID KAmsas city, Mo-. have compared
notes and arrived at the conclusion
ikfaA Il bride has a telephone in her
a10me the groom will become little
less than pack horse in short order.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-03-07

.tNick'' Longworth, who has styled
himself the ''Baby Mckee of the
present administration, forgot his
speech that he had prepared to de-
liver at the Ohio state convention and
indulged in an awkward pause. He
Is not much like his famous father
1n-law who is never at a loss for
xror~da
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-03-07

seem to be any valid reason why the
legislature should step in and tell a
man that he can not eat them. If a
fellow wants to eat snakes he ought
to have the privilege of doing so. We
would suggest that the Oklahoma leg
islature is going a little too far in
the way OF reform or paternalistic
legislation
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-03-07

Every once in while q man hobs
up as a candidate for the medal that
should adorn the breast of the mean
est man alive. But an individual has
come to the front in Chicago who is
entitled to wear this decoration for
all time. He deserted his wife as
soon as he learned that she had given
birth to twins
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-03-07

In addition to regulating the length
of bed-sheets and prohibiting the use
of cracked crockery In hotels and res
taurants, the Oklahoma legislature
proposes to pass a law prohibiting
The eating of snakes. We must con-
Tess we did not know that snakes
were popular as edibles in the new
tate, but If they are there does not
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-03-07

The disaster at Cleveland in which
ass younE school children lost their
Dives Is too terrible to contemplate.
Prayers OF sympathy go up from
avery person IN the land tor the be-
hEaaNad PARENTS
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-03-07

Chief Bowden of the Kansas City,
NzAn., podce department wants few
sbfoo dhounds added to the force. Sure
" the force needs something, for as
san1ts and burglaries are too frequent
occurrences in the popu1ous place at
the mouth of the Kaw.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-03-07

A German scientist has arrived at
xhe rather remarkable conclusion that
man was originally more beautiful
than woman There's small satisfac-
Ad1n in this for the men.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-03-07

Kznsas City Nc, seems to be
stroud Of the fact that in a single
EbiooA On one OF the streets there are
kwenty%fouY saloons and a license for
another one is to be granted.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-03-07
A SATURDAY SERMON.

Labor not for the meat which perisheth.
but for that meat which endureth.-
John SET.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-03-07

noted?
Johnny-I don't want to stir IN class
enmfty.-New York Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-03-07

There's a mystery about sleep which
none of us can explain" says a physician.
He has reference. we presume, to the way
sleep overcomes US while we are trying
to wade through one Of the ''best sellers"
Was hington Post
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-03-07

'They say it's hard to live with a gen.
ius.'
how would most families exist?''-Wash.
tngton Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-03-07

1t takes two to make a bargain but ONLY
one of them gets it.ePuek. -, =
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-03-07

Il understand that Carnegie gets 500
begging letters day.
Well. that only goes to show how the
tariff on steel rails increases the postoffice
receipts."-Iife.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-03-07

Master of the House Ito servant who
has been using his motor during his alb
sence)-What do you mean, you scourdrel.
Servant tapo1oge tically)-Weli, sir, we
kept UP the reputation of the house-we
ran over two pedestrians.-The Throne
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-03-07

Stella--Did you have a tir?
Bella-Yes, but I don't know whether IL
was an understanding or a misunder-
standing.-New York Sun
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-03-07

1T never told lies when 1 was a little
girl, Gladys"
When did you begin, then, mamma p
London Opinion.
The Newtown bee., 1908-08-07
Southbury.
NEWS HEREABOUTS.

Charles Matthews from Detroit, Mich, visited his mother, Mrs H. A. Matthews, last week.
 Mary E. Munson from Guilford is home for week. Mrs Arthur Mitchell and daughter from South Britain visited Lucie Ben nett recently. :t
 Mrs Clifford Hawley visited friends in Seymour, last we-k.
 Jeremiah Sullivan has moved his fam fly to South Britain. ..~ Miss Harrison from Seymour visited Mrs Baldwin. last week.
 Ruov Sanborn has been entertaining friend.
 Mrs James Roberts from Hartford was in towu last week.
 Clifford Hawley has been visiting friends in Seymour for a few days.
 Seth N. Beecher from Waterbury was home last Thursday.
 Miss Jennie Hinman is entertaining friends from New York.
 Miss Georgia Green from Beacon Falls is home on a vacation.
 Miss Jennie Eytel of New York k spending three weeks at the Hill house
The Newtown bee., 1908-08-07

RESTRICT OF VIEWPOINT ss. Probate D Court, Aug. 5th, A. D.. lgOS
 Estate of Minott Augur, Adm.. late of New town, in said District. deceased. Upon the application of Erroll M. Augur, Adm.. praying for an order authorizing and empowering him to sell certain real estate be- longing to said estate, as per application on file more fully appearS it is
 ORDERED That said application be heard and determined at the Probate Office in New town in said District on the 18th day of Aug. A. D. 190S at 10 o'clock in the forenoon, and that notice be given of the pendency of said application and the time and place of hear ing thereon by publishing the same two times in some newspaper having circulation in said District. and by posting a copy thereof on the said District. William J. Beecher Judge. RESTRICT OF VIEWPOINT. ss. Probate D Court Aug. l. A. D., 1908.
 Estate of William J. Kirby, late Of Newtown, in said district. deceased.
 Upon the applica ion of Frank ". Kirby, Adm., praying for an order authorizing and empowering him to sell certain real estate be- longing to said estate, as per application on file more fully appears it is
 Ordered, That said application be heard and determined at the Probate Office in Newtown in said district, on the 10th day of Aug, tice be given ofthe pendency of said applica- tion and the time and place of hearing thereon by publishing the same one time in some newspaper having circulation in said Dis trict, and by posting copy thereof on the public sign postin the Town of NeWtown, in said District Ea-
 William J. Beecher Judge.
The Newtown bee., 1908-08-07
The NeWtoWn Bee.
 Newtown, Friday. August I. 1908.
South Britain.
PERSONAL CHAT.

w. H. Wakelee has purchased a beautiful new touring car of the Cad ilac make.
 A large number of people from this place attended the barn dance of the Misses Fleiss in Southbury, Friday night.
 Miss Sara Platt has returned from a visit with friends in Shelton and New Haven.
 Miss Paul of Waterbury visited Mrs George Cass, last week.
 George Cass, Arthur Mitchell, Carroll Anderson and Ira Hawkins en- joyed a day at Branford beach clam ming. The trip was made in MT Haw- kin's auto. ~|& ~s .
 Miss Clara Hawkins visited her uncle, Ira Hawkins, last week.
 Mrs Carroll Anderson and children visited her parents in Sandy Hook over Sunday. ..
 Mrs Arthur Munson spent Wednesday in Waterbury.
 John Cassidy, IT,, is running the store and meat market recently va cated by William J. Veness.
 Miss Ruth Mitchell entertained the whist club, Tuesday afternoon.
 Benjamin Mitchell of New Jersey spent Sunday at D. M. Mitchells.
 Save money by buylng your drugs and fancy groceries of H. H. Garfield, North Woodbury. x
The Newtown bee., 1908-08-07
Stepney.
BAPTIST CHURCH ITEMS.

A large congregation greeted the new pastor of the Baptist church on last Sunday. It was day of joy. The services for the coming Sabbath are intended to be of unusual interest. The subject of the morning sermon will be asThe Duty which is Necessity, a power, and Grace" Quiet, peace and happiness were the characteristics of the evening service, last week. The meditation, this week, will be the sec ond of the series on Present Day Rev citations or Books of a Summers Read ing. Come and join the fraternity of the joyful.
 The Methodist Sunday school will begin session next Sunday at the usual hour.
 Mir and Mrs William Skinner and Mir and Mrs John Hinckly, Jr., of Bridge port are spending a few days with John Hinckley.
 Rev Mir Faust, wife and child of Port
The Newtown bee., 1908-08-07

chester are guests of Wilbur French
 A Quincy granite memorial has been erected at the grave of the late Johr Turney.
 Mrs Rachel Hodge of Danbury has been the guest of Mrs Mary E. Tur- ney.
 Miss Georiga E. Knapp has purchased of the Bridgeport Hydraulic Co. of Bridgeport the building on the place they have just purchased of Samuel Snow. Miss Knapp is having the building taken down and is to move it to Norwa k, where she will use it in building.
 The Bee representative was kindly entertained at dinner, last Wednesday, at the home of Mir and Mrs B. H. Sherman.
 c. L. Smalley is keeping gasoline for sale at his shop and those having autos or gasoline engines will always find an abundant supply at his shop.
 AS we are to close out our stock of Edison phonogaphs and records we are offering our stock on hand at big re- duction and there are some big bar gains on both the machines and re- cords. The records on hand we shall sell for 30c each. Come and see us. -[Penfeld & Craig, Stepney Cepot.
 Miss Hazel Purdy of Brooklyn, N.Y., is guest of MT and Mrs Wilbur French, this week.
 Herbert Craig, Lester L. Burr, Rev A. Faust and Wilbur French enjoyed day at Compo Beach, last Thursday, and captured fine lot of clans.
 Charles L. Clark and c. S. Everetts of Easton were calling on friends at Upper Stepney, last Wednesday.
 Mrs c. B. Sherwood and son, Clar- ence Sherwood of Hartford are guests of Mrs Frank Enc at the Seeley cot tage.
 Ernest Wilson of New Haven has been the guest of Mir and Mrs Albert w. Fairchild.
 Mrs Mary Turney and Mrs Hodge are in Brookfeld visiting Mrs Henry Nich- ols. A
 Mrs Ida Baker and Master Herbert | Dundon of Bridgeport havea returned 1 to their home after a months stay | with Mrs Hinckly.
 w. s. Penfeld spent last Tuesday in
The Newtown bee., 1908-08-07

DISTRICT OF VIEWPOINT, ss. Probate U Court, July 25, 190S
 Estate of Thomas Hederman, late of New town. in said District, deceased.
 The Court of Probate for the District of sNewtown hath limited and allowed six months from the date hereof for the credi- tors of said estate to exhibit their claims for settlement Those who neglect to present their accounts, properly attested, within said time will be debarred recov- cry All persons indebted to said estate are requested to make immediate payment to
 Levi C. Morris,
 Administrator
The Newtown bee., 1908-08-07

DISTRICT OF ROXBURY, ss, Probate Court, July IS, A. D. 1908.
 Estate of John E. Clark, late of Roxbury, in said District. deceased.
 The Court of Probate for the District of Roxbury hath limited and allowed six months from date hereof, for the creditors of said Es- tate to exhibit their claims for settlement. Those who neglect to present their accounts, properly attested, within said time. will be de- barred recovery. All persons indebted to said Estate are requested to make immediate payment to
 Lewis G NOrthron. Administrator
The Newtown bee., 1908-08-07

nIsTRICT OF VIEWPOINT, ss. Probate R Court, July 25, 19OS
 Estate of Flora M. Walker, late of Ossining, State of New York. deceased.
 The Court of Probate for the District of Newtown hath limited and allowed six months Tom the date hereof, for the creditors of said estate to exhibit their claims for settlement Those who neglect to present their accounts properly attested, within said time, will be debarred recovery. All persons indebted to payment to
 Alfred Walker, Administrator, OSsinng, NY,
The Newtown bee., 1908-08-07
DTsTRICToF ROXBURY.s .ss. Probate Court

DISTRICT OF ROXBURY,ss ,ss. Probate Court U July 1S 1908.
 Estate of Ellen E. Clark, late of Roxbury, in said district. deceased
 The Court of Probate for the District of Roxbury hath limited and allowed six months fromthe date hereof for the creditors of said Estate to exhibit their claims for settlement. Those who neglect to present their accounts, properly attested, within said time, will be debarred a recovery.
 All persons indebted to said Estate are re- quested to make immediate payment to
 Lewis G. Northrop, Administrator.
The Newtown bee., 1908-08-07
RESTRICT OF RoXBURY, ss. Probate U Court, July 29, 1908.

Estate of Harriet L. Mallett. late of Rox- bury. in said district. deceased.
 The Administrator .having exhibited his administration account with said estate to this Court for allowance, it is
 ORDERED, That the Sth day of Aug. D. 1908. at 10 o'clock in the forenoon, at the Pro- bate 0ficei in Roxbury, be and the same is as- signed for a hearing on the allowance of said administration account with said estate, and this Court directs the Ad- ministrator to cite all persons interested therein to appear at said time and place. by publishing this order in some newspaper hay- ing circulation in said District. and by post ing copy on the public sign-post in the Town of Roxbury. where the deceased last dwelt
 Edward W. Preston, Judge.
The Newtown bee., 1908-08-07
Warning.

Warning is hereby given to the inhabitants of the Town of Newtown, qualified to vote ir town meeting, that special town meeting of said town will be held at the Town Hall ir said town on Monday. August 10, t9OS, at : o'clock in the afternoon of said day, for the purpose. of taking action upon the offer of Robert A. Clark to settle his so-called short ages as eX-TaX Collector of said town.
 SAMUEL A. BLACKMAN,
 MICHAEL DONOHUE,
 HERMON H. PECK,
 Selectmen of Newtown. Newtown, Conn.,. August 3. 1908.
The Newtown bee., 1908-08-07

REPUBLICAN CAUCUS-The Republican IL electors of the town of Newtown are It. quested to meet in caucus on Wednesday, Au- gust F. at 7.3O D. m., for the purpose of elect ing delegates to the Republican State conven tion to be held in New Haven SeptemberS and g, 1908, for the nomination of candidates for state officers, representative at slarge in the Congress of the United States and Presiden- tial electors. Also to elect delegates to the senatorial and congressional conventions. By order of the Town Committee. ". NJ. Key ncids, Chairman.
The Newtown bee., 1908-08-07
Caucus Notices.

REPUBLICAN CAUCUS-The Republican IS Electors of the town of Roxbury are re- quested to meet in caucus in the Town hall on Friday. August IA 1908, at o'clock D. m., for the purpose of electing delegates :to the Re- publican State Convention to be held in New Haven September s. 9, 1908, for the nomination of candidates for state officers, representative at large in Congress of United States, and Presidential Electors: also to elect two dele gates to the Congressional and four delegates to the Senatorial Convention yet to be called. By order Town Committee,
 Edw. w. Preston, Chairman. Dated at Roxbury, Conn.,, Aug. ). 1908. REPUBLICAN CAUCUS-The Republican " Electors of the Town of Washington are requested to meet in caucus. Friday. August 14th. at D. m., First Voting District at the Town Hall, Washington Depot; Second Yot- ing District. Pavilion Hall. New Preston, for the purpose of electing delegates to the Re- publican State Convention to be held at New Haven, September Sth and 9th; also to elect delegates to the Congressional, Senatorial and Probate conventions soon to be held; also to do any other business proper to be done at said meeting. By order of the Town Com mitteeS.
 S.F. seeley. Frank J. Hosford,
 Chairmen. Dated at Washington, Conn.,, August f. 1908.
The Newtown bee., 1908-08-07

A UCTION SALE-On Tuesday, August Il, AA 1908. at Il o'clock a. m., the personal pro- perty on the estate of Thomas L. Wade, de ceased, late of the town of Trumbull will be sold at public auction, at his late residence, situated at the north end of Main street Nichols, consisting Of horses. family COW, single farm wagon, 1 two-seated family wagon. carriage, 1 sleigh, stoves, 1 bed room set. ? bedsteadS, bureau, 2feather beds, carpets, chairs, sofas, clock, cherry table and many other articles. Also farming uten- sils as follows: horse hay tedder, horse hay rake, set harness. set steel hame harness, ? blows, 1 cultivator. hand rakes. forks, shovels, hoes. drills. potato diggers cross cut saws, bench wise, one moving machine. corn sheller. carpenter tools. many flour barrels, ? barrels partly filled with vinegar, other implements, to numerous to mention, many nearly new, all in first class condition. The above stock and goods will be sold to the highest bidder, without reserve. The real estate has been sold and premises must be vacated. If stormy, the next fair day. By order of Mrs T. L. Wade. F. w. Wheeler, Auctioneer.
The Newtown bee., 1908-08-07
Bridgeport.

Bridgeport.
 Miss Myra Robinson and Mrs Charles Robinson and son, Harold. of Danbury, and Miss Ethel Mallett and MT and Mrs Irving Mallett of Bridgeport are guests, this week, of MT and Mrs Levi H. Edwards. ...
 Mir and Mrs George s. Coley are vis- iting friends in Bridgeport, this week. DRusILLA:
 It's what you can do all He time with Gold Medal Flour that counts. Try it. ANGELA. LUCRETIA:
 Just learned that Gold Medal Flour is sifted ten times through finest silk. EUGENIA
The Newtown bee., 1908-08-07
Probate Notices.

DISTRICT OF VIEWPOINT ss. Court of h Probate, August 1, 1908
 Estate of Charles Peso, late of New town, in said District. deceased.
 Upon the application of Austin B Blake man, Adm., praying for an order author izing and empowering himto sell certain real estate belonging to said estate, as per appli- cation on flem more fully appears, it is
 ORDERED, That said application be heard and determined at the Probate Office in Newtown, in said district. on the 10th day of August, A. D. 1908, at 12 o'clock in the forenoon, and that notice be given of the pendency of said application and the time and place of hearing thereon. by publishing the same one time in some newspaper having circulation in said district and by posting copy thereof on the public sign post in the Town of Newtown. in said district.
 William J. Beecher. Judge
The Newtown bee., 1908-08-07

NOTICE-ls hereby given to the legal cleo trars of Voters for the town of Easton will be in session at the Academy Hall in Easton Aug. {, from F o'clock until 9'o'clock D. m.; also August l4th the same hours for the en- rollment of electors according to their ex- pressed political preferences.
 James s. Tyler,
 J. Arthur Sherwood,
 Registrars of Voters. Dated at Easton. Aug. 3d, 1908.
The Newtown bee., 1908-08-07

DOR SALE CHEAP-New rag carpet, 30 yds ' and chamber set of pieces Can be seen at Miss J. Prindles, Newtown.
The Newtown bee., 1908-08-07

A!Q lLod -e5p!Ia 'e-letI euoqdeI9L uuooGoude4S ueq -nH mBIIIIM 'Iaq IoI 9sn ou 9Agq sB 9ouo lB pIos JI dgsqo IIes IIIM .I9NIoM poo5 pug IT I9A!Ip poo5 'aIgu qoo GeG 9uO-aIVS HOH
The Newtown bee., 1908-08-07
Notice.

A new Blacksmith Shop at Warmers Mills Horseshoeing and General Jobbing. Would like to see old customers at my shop. Terms Telephone call 1O6-12.
The Newtown bee., 1908-08-07

WANTED-A married man wishes position
 " on farm or teamster; references. T. G. Douglass, 165 South Man St., Waterbury, Ct.
The Newtown bee., 1908-08-07

N0TICE-The Registrars of Voters of the " Town of Roybury will be In session at the Town Hall on the 7th and l4th days of August, 1908. from l2 o'clock noon until o'clock D. m., for the purpose of making such changes in the enrolment lists last perfected as required by the Public Acts of l905 .
 N. H. Hurlbut,
 J. w. Minor
 Registrars of Voters. Datad at Royhurv July o7th 100s
The Newtown bee., 1908-08-07

EOR SALE-26 sheep and lambs, good ones. E. D. Futile, East Village, Stepney Depot, Conn.
The Newtown bee., 1908-08-07

DOR SALE-Good horse years old. weight 1250; true in all harness; one 2-seated SUI rey, 3cheap buggies. Address Box 626, Bridge port, Conn.