Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1908-05-01
How Jim Stockings "Did'
The Railway Company.

Joshua Bounceboy was a director OF
the London and Suburban Railway
Company. In appearance he was a big,
forid man, with several ohins, ca
pacious girth of waistcoat and gen.
eral air Of solid prosperity. In dispo-
sition he was suspicious, meddlesome
and fussy. He seldom believed or
trusted anybody. Moreover. he was
tmbued with the idea that he knew
everybody else's work better than they
themselves did, and was perpetually
poking his nose thereinto, and explain
ing in a very cocksure way how this or
that ought to be done.
He was thus. as may well be i'm
agined, a considerable nuisance to his
fellow directors, a perfect curse to the
secretary and the standing bette noir
of all the company's employees, from
the chief engineer of the line to the
smallest boy in blue linen jacket who
had recently been engaged to dust out
the company's booking Offices at their
most Insignificant station.
To make matters worse. Joshua
Bounceby was gentleman at large,
SO that he was able to devote all his
time to the exercise of these amiable
idiosyncrasies. Not a day passed but
he was fussing about somewhere on the
railway, turning the directorial eye,
like roliceman's lantern, on the pro-
ceedings of all the engine drivers, fire.
men, guards, ticket inspectors, porters
and booking clerks who had the mis-
fortune to encounter him.
How he came the Almighty Jupiter
over these poor men! How he hec-
tored-how he admonished them! The
engine driver might have been driving
for twenty years, but he was no match
ut the business for Joshua Bounceby.
The fireman might have been stocking
all his life. but he was a fool at the
operation by comparison with ]. B.
The ticket inspector might have been
ticket inspecting ever since the line
was opened, but he was mere babe
at the game when pitted against this
Omniscient amateur.
Look herel That's not the way.
This is the way-d'ye hear. feller?"
And the ''feller," who probably had
a wife and children. or. at any rate.
his own bread and butter, to consider,
would touch his cap with outward re-
spect, but with inward derision, wrath
and loathing. Did not Joshua Bounce
boy richly merit these sentiments
from all who knew him?
But the individual who, for his sins,
came in for a larger share of our di- |
rector's unwelcome attentions than any |
other man in the company's service |
was Chief Detective Virgins, Chief |
Detective Virgins was, as his title i'm |
plies, head of the railway staff, whose |
duties were to keep a sharp lookout |
for persons travelling without tickets, |
or with insufficient tickets, or with |
tickets for class inferior to that |
which they condescended to patron |
lie, or otherwise defrauding the Lon |
don and Suburban Railway Company. |
A smart man was this Virgins, as
shrewd and cute as they make 'em. |
with more nous In his little finger |
than Joshua carried under the whole |
Of his IL top hat. Yet our directors |
attitude toward the chief detective
was that of a pedagogue toward an
unusually dense scholar, and he was
forever lecturing him on the lax and
unintelligent manner In which he per-
formed his duties.
ITS my belief that you let hundreds
of these swindling fellers slip through
your fingers every week." said Joshua
Bounceby to the chief of the detective
star, lecturing him, one day, on the
platform at Lavender Hill station.
well, there are some get through,
no doubt, sir" assented that official,
with humility. But considering how
few of us there are compared with
the number Of passengers, am afraid
that It Inevitable"
'ymphi There are plenty of you
to do the work IL 1t was done proper.
~" asserted Mr.. Bounceby, In his
knock-you-down way. TT is not the
quantity of the material that's at fault,
it's the quality, my fine feller."
For one thing. sir" said Chief De
tective Virgins depreciatingly, ''the
old hands get to know us so we'll
All! You see these two chaps" he
added, indicating a couple of work
men with carpenters baskets over
their shoulders who happened to pass
them at that moment.
Nov, have reason to believe, sir,
that they do the company out OF three
or four shillings every week, travelling
between this and Hoxton Rise. Yet
they're so artful, that hanged If we've
ever been able to catch them, although
we've set traps for them time after
time. I've tried getting into the same
with 'em to see IL they
wouldn't give some of their little
tricks away in conversation. But they
know me, and they won't talk, except
about the weather, when I'm by. It's !
the same with our chaps. They spot {
'em at once. Now, II only some gentle
man, whom they would never suspect, &
were to get In with 'em and listen to
'em talking, when they are OF lneir
guard. believe he'd pick up bit of |
useful information, sir, I
which might lead to the conviction of I
4 good many workmen, who, at pres [
ent, make systematic practice OF do s
Ing the company"
"Ahl" said Mr. Joshua Bounceby.
That is your opinion, is it?''
sut a INV con6dauf oninion cir - | {