The Owosso times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1897-1926, 1908-07-03
GETTING A PHONE.
Better Begin the Year Before il
You Live In Australia.

| Government Telephones - Superhu-
man Patience and Subtle Diplomacy
Will Finally Accomplish It.
| Numbers of householders who are de-
sirous of installing q telephone are de.
TERED by ignorance of the department.
tai regulations and the fear of red tape.
The procedure is really so simple that
few notes, forestalling the efforts of
the proposed postoffice publicity depart.
ment, may prove of interest to intend.
Ing subscribers.
The first step is to write to the dep.
uty =. NJ. c., stating the position of
the premises and asking particulars of
the fees payable. BY return post you
will receive a printed card Form 10,
9S2) stating that your letter has been
duly received and is having attention.
| This card Is sent by the office boy and
| has no real bearing on the subsequent
proceedings.
After this effort the department takes
brief rest to recover its strength and
then plunges into q Series Of abstruse
| calculations over period of some
weeks. The result of this mountain in
| labor is an absurdly inadequate mouse
| in the shape Of circular Form CB.
| CD informing you that your telephone
| will cost you f5 per annum for max
imum Of 1000 originating calls. If
this startling example Of departmental
| omniscience does not overpower you,
you may write to the d. p. Nj. G. ac-
lie. nd i,,e,t al, l.
proceed with the work.
Within ten days or thereabout you
Will receive another circular Dorm c,
1916, requesting you to sign the at
tached agreement and pay twelve
months rent in advance Having done
this, you may safely take holiday.
After an interval of, say, month it
IS as well to write to the D. p. NJ. c.,
pointing out that you have only lease
of the premises and are therefore anx-
ious to have the telephone as soon as is
convenient. You will receive no reply
to this (Form Ny, 1878, being out of
print, but q few weeks later q very
civil spoken young man will present a
half gallon billy" at your back door
and request little hot water for
breakfast. If you direct attention to
the size of the billy the man will point
out two of his mates who are sitting
on your roof and two others standing
In an eXpectant attitude in your back
garden, and a sixth man will be found
standing at the head of a linesman's
handcart out in the right of way.
The men on the roof are discussing
where they will fix your telephone
wire, while the men in the garden are
waiting to catch them in case they roll
off. This tends to show the perfection
of the organization which exists in all
great government departments.
If the weather keeps fine the neces-
sary wires will soon be connected, and
nothing then remains but to obtain the
telephone instrument. After waiting,
say, two or three weeks without result
you should write to the daily papers,
directing attention to the facts and
signing yourself Disguised Taxpayer"
On the day following the insertion of
your letter the official explanation"
(Form 10, 49, will appear in prom
The explanation will set out that the
postal department is not to blame,
since it ordered seven telephone instru-
ments in 1904, but the demand hss
been so great that these have already
been used. 1t will further explain that
tenders are being called for ten addi-
tional instruments and arrangements
n doll
Again, it will state that all applica-
lions are dealt with strictly in order of
priority, and as soon as the 1,196 back
orders are completed Disguised Tax
payers" application will receive imme-
date consideration.
The same days evening paper will
contain an interview with the minister
concerned, who will express regret that
Disguised Taxpayer" did not write d.
rect to the department under his own
name. The minister will add that he
Is completely reorganizing the depart
ment, and, although only nine months
In office, he has already had two tele-
graph poles reprinted and q piece of
orange peel picked off the steps of the
G. p. o. The interview will conclude
with a statement that the minister has
"called for report" This is a most
arduous and dangerous undertaking.
which cannot be safely attempted by
any one drawing less than $4,000 a
year, with prospects of 600 increase.
AS the result of the publicity given
to your case by the press a telephone |
instrument will be sent out to your |
house, and you must then act with the |
utmost circumspection If you would |
avoid disaster. Foolish people with no |
of departmental methods are
apt to directly address the instrument |
filter. saying. 81 want the telephone
placed here in the hall" This, how |
ever, Is fatal mistake. The best way |
Is to suggest, with due diffidence. that |
the telephone should be placed under |
the kitchen sink. The filter will say |
that is impossible and express his in
tention of putting it over the drawing |
room mantelpiece. At this stage, with |
a little tact and violently expressed |
preference for the sink, you will sue
coed in having the instrument set up |
In the hall, where you wanted it.
Your troubles are now over and al /
the modest charge of f5 per annum in
advance you have q piece of furniture
which Is an ornament to any house. In
the event of your ever desiring to use