Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1908-09-30
A Bovine Record Breaker

Inc Ialncf OF Jimmie, the little boy,
had been bothered by Joe Biggs' COWS.
They would jump anything that even
resembled Il fence. would get at the
haystacks and even break into the
barn if any one carslessly left the door
ajar This had been going on for a
week, and about two or three times o
day Jimmie had been deputed to start
the bovines toward home. This at
last grew tiresome. and he decided on
extreme measures. Getting a small
but firmly made tin pail. he waylaid
an old sway backed COW with stub
tail. TO this caudal remnant Jimmie
securely fastened the bucket and start
ed the herd.
The old COW did not look like a fast
proposition. but there is little doubt in
Jimmie's mind that she broke all bo-
vine speed records. The pail got into
action after the first jump. One min
ute it came down with PUNK in the
middle Of her back; the next it beat a
wild tattoo on her hind legs. Ever
sWifter grew the pace and ever wild
er became the gyrations of the bucket.
The rest Of the COWS had their fem
mime curiosity aroused and started in
rapid pursuit, but by the time they
had covered few rods to the turn of
the lane their stump tailed sister was
wildly galloping past the Biggs cabin,
quarter of a mile distant. Jimmie
caught a glimpse of Joe's bare head
bobbing up and down as he rushed
on: Of the door and up the lane in
pursuit.
Joe's farm lay mostly on a side hill
which slanted at an angle Of forty-five
degrees or more. The fences were
high. but they offered no obstacle tc
the COW Rearing straight up. she
took them in Il manner that would
bring envy to the heart Of Il thorough
bred in a fox chase Over the fences
Joe tore after her. and the way they
plowed down the sides Of the hills
was equal to Mark Twain's descri,
ton oe the descent of Mount VeSuyius
Below Joe lived Thenas Reuter- anC
there was no love lost between them
Thenas' large pack of dogs held the
same opinion on this subject as theil
master.
Away went the COW. and in the eve,
increasing distance puffed joe Wher
the chase reached the domain of The
mas, the dogs joined the procession
and the rafting Of the bucket, the
| short bellows Of the COW. the bayinc
OF the hounds and the yelling of Joe
made merry music. The chase grew
wilder and continued for nearly two
miles. Finally the bucket was violent
~ amputated in flying leap over q
particularly high fence
"By cripes." said Joe Biggs a wear
aftcrward. Il CANT milk tibet COW
with tin pail to this day"
A New Issue.
The mosquito has not a loud voice,
but is exceedingly personal in his re-
marks.
One word from mosquito will put
the average man into>a fighting mood
and fill him with thoughts Of murder.
What good are Hague peace confer
ences SO long as the mosquito lives?
This pest scatters malaria, yellow
fever and impolite language. 1t not
only punctures and infects man phys
ically, but leaves welts on his moral
nature.
I am convinced that if some party
would arise demanding law against
mosquitoes it would sweep the coun-
try. It would certainly get my vote
I would go farther l would make
speeches for it. If nobody else could
be found to sacrifice himself for this
noble cause, l would even run for
president on an anti-mosquito ticket.