Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1908-12-05


ton, some little time ago, II am gull
ty OF trying to earn and to get an
honest living. l was lying asleep near
their holes and the rabbits ran into
my pockets" In very sooth poor
EFFORT, having as it's result two months
hard. On the other hand, TO avoind
serving on ocroner's jury. an Is
lingtOnian plead d that he WAS deaf
as a beetle" How plausible was he!
Naturally he was excused
To frame excuses that will melt the
maGtsterial heart requires the skill Of
an artist, and is, indeed, a fine aIt-un.
less 1t Is science-and one in which
genius alone can hope to succeed.
Conventional excuses are OF little avail,
and yet a cursory study Of the ex-
amples here given will show that the
successful excuse should be at least
plausible, for totally irrelevant pleas
are rarely accepted.
A foreign lady, poor but dishonest,
Tor instance, who entered temporarily
vacant house, annexed table cloth,
clock, lamp and the provender provid-
ed for the meals Of the real occupants,
On being arrested and brought before
the Judge addressed him as follows,
but without avail. IN. de Juge dim
struction: Your face is beautiful,
bland and benign. 1t reminds me Of
my deceased husband. a man always
gay and smiling, who would never
have refused favor to a distinguished
woman. am the authoress of a novel,
My Angel Release me and l promise
to immortalize you in my next work.
demand my liberty" The Judge,
however, was ungallant enough to
doubt her sanity, and the case-unlike
that which was personally defended by
young lady, who stated that she
had bargained for a piece Of tapestry
with figures worked "as handsome in
appearance as my lord the President
there, but the plaintiffs palm me of
with figures as ugly as that OF Mon
sieur the plaintiffs advocate"-was
lost.
man who some time ago was
charged at Bow street with being
drunk and disorderly, on being asked
what he had to say, was discharged
When he put forward the following
trite excuse: TITS In nutshell, your
Worship-too mucn liquor, no solids,
collapse, and consequences" This was
very much to the point, especially when
compared to the reply Of q woman aged
32 who was charged at Lambeth with
the same offence shortly afterward.
"Ah, your Worship" she explained,
"Im the mother Of twelve children,
that's what am. And the last time
1t was twins-here they are now-aid
that was only seven weeks ago." Pre-
sumably his worship considered the
infiiction Of twins as sufficient extern
uation for the offence for he told her
to go away and not to do 1t again.
The plea Of boy burglar, when re-
Gently brought up at HaFlesden for
having entered house and stolen a 1
water can, was somewhat unique Hev-
ing confessed to breaking into the
house by forcing the back window
catch, he stated that all he did to the
house was to wind the clocks. AL
though this statement perhaps mltl-
gated his offence to a certain extent, II
was not much more ingenious than the
plea OF a man arrested some months
ago for begging, who at the time Of his
arrest was wearing two shirts, two
pairs Of trousers, four waistcoats, and
two coats, and who murmured, when
asked what he had to say in his de-
fence, that "he was born tired''-a re-
ply worthy of the Weary Walker"
class Of tramp read about in the comic
weeklies
Some little time ago man found In
possession of two rabbits offered as an
explanation the statement that he saw
five rabbits In ditch, that he fell on
them and killed two by breaking their
1iecks. The magistrates decided that
the story, though picturesque, was un-
convincing. Far more to the purpose
however, was the defence Of two work.
ingmen charged at Accrington under
an old statute for killing a hare on
Sunday. It was admitted that one man
drove the animal through the fence,
that the other captured 1t and that
half crown was paid to the farmer to
take 1t away. But, 1t was argued,
there was no evidence to show that
pussy" ever was killed, and for all
the court knew 1t was still alive and
kicking-a view OF the case that APP
pealed to the Bench who straightway
accepted 1t. When some little time ago
a millman was called upon explain at
Lambeth why his wares contained 6
percent of water he remarked: 1T
was raining heavens hard and the
sample was taken In the middle Of the
street." an explanation that was con.
.sidered sufficient, but the lettering in
dividual who gently suggested that
a formidable jimmy found hidden In
a secret pocket OF his coat was his
kitchen poker failed to get the bene-
at Of the doubt that did not exist.
A man of Cork who declared, accord
ing to the evidence, that he would have
'blood, murder or fish before he went
home" and in the absence of the lat
ter commodity set about obtaining the
former from the nshermen gatnered
on the sands, remarks: Sure man
with a wooden leg on strand could
do nothing" with which ingenious plea
the magistrates expressed their entire
satisfaction. Ingenious, too, was the
plea of a man tried at Kidderminster
for coming and uttering counterfeit
coin, who said that he should plead
guilty but asked that his wife should
be acquitted on the ground that when
married she was told to love, honor
and obey, and that she had only acted
up to her marriage vows The man
who said he stole two fowls in order
to see If his nerves we're sufficiently
braced up to permit him passing
constable without trembling with fear