davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-15
FINE old shellback of a man-o'-
war petty officer. on duty at the
pavv ward hero vaS foroca otiuO

A FINE old shellback of a man-o-
~ war petty officer. on duty at the
80 navy yard here. was forecasting
some happenings when the battlesiip fleet
reaches San Francisco.
It'll be the monumental man-o-war
drunk of all history for the hands for ard
when the feet drops the mudhOOks in San
Francisco bay he predicted. It'll be
coming to 'em. They're behaving fine
now in the South American ports. because
they're on parole. sort o, and are keeping
the uniform clean like. But when they
get into their own waters-watch 'em!
And there'll be no great kick. It'll be
expected. But 1 wouldn't care to be a
Jimmy Legs on one Of them ships when
the fleet anchors in San Francisco bay.
Wouldn't care for the Legs billet at any
stage of the game. when 1t comes to that.
They can have the Legs job. / never
cared 10 swing in a Legs bag in this line
of frigates. Twice they were going to
rate me their chief master-at-arms-he s
the Jimmy Legs. you know-but both
times i sheered of. Couldn't see it.
wasn't going to let them make me any
deep-water cop if could help 1t. / like
TO be on an even keel with my shipmates.
Few Jimmy Legses can be that. They're
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-15

Whoof! WhoOf whOof whOOf whoOf-
whOOf--a neat little assortment of whOofs
all in a cute little row. just like that;
and then some more silence.
Wide awake. the man did some wonder
ing. The whoofer was locomotive. Of
course. A large. greasy. whale-backed.
rusty-EOile red. helmet-funneled. srpul-
chral-vOiced switching locomotive. Yep.
That's what 1t was.
But where the dickens could the thing
be sepulchraling?
Oh. he remembered Several times. in
trOlleying over to AnacOstia. he'd seen a
think that looked like railroad in that
teeming center of mad urban life. He re-
membered now 1t was some kind of a
dinky branch Of railroad that ran. or
thought 1t ran, down to d Potomac land
ing called Shepherds Point. Uh-huh.
That was 1t. The hollow-voiced son-of-a-
cayuse of an engine was whoofing over
there on that line, and the wind was car
rying the sound through the air to the
vicinage of Lincoln Square on an I'M
broken current.
Whah- whOof- whoOf- whOof,
The man sat up sadly in bed and tried
to fan 1t over calmly.
Maybe the old thing nd go away from
there after little while. Maybe it was
freight locomotive sort O. warming up
before being tackled onto freight train.
and maybe, after few more whOofs, it
would pick up its feet and clomp out to
Marietta. Ohio. or some place like that.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-15

were treated to their first meal in this
city. kind looking lady was busily en-
gagged in dealing out bread and coffee to
the soldiers. After furnishing a ration
of these. the lady said to young Phelps:
do YOU see that tall man over there
waiting on soldiers?" Given an Affirmative
answer she said: Go to him and he'll
give you some pork and beans"
The directions were needed and the
young soldier was generously helped
The lady and gentleman who were so
kind to the soldiers on that trying oc-
casion were Mrs. Lincoln and the Presi-
dent. Capt. Phelps has never forgotten
the kind words and humane treatment
received on that OCCASION: and the MEM
DRY OF the great man who occupied the
White House during those troublous
times is precious to the veterans who sub
sequentlv needed his call to arms. saying;
1--WE are coming Father Abraham. six
hundred thousand strong.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-15

ex-'prentice. and he had little curly yell
low mustache. with nice little kinks at the
ends. And he lisped. That amt the
Legs the bunch at the gangway said to
each other. incredulous. Sure is said
the coX'un OF the steam cutter. who had
brought him off to the ship. That mess
gear, the cook of the chief petty officers
mess, Norwegian with shoulders four
foot across. got into a wrangle with a
machinist at the table a big man. too.
They cl:nched at the end of the table.
kicking the table over. and began 70
pound each other in the clinch. Then the
Lithping Legth. who was at the table.
swung in. He stopped the pounding by
the simple process of pulling the cook and
the machinist apart as II he was untan-
Cling yarn, and knocking their heads to-
gether with a noise that sounded like
loose Jumps of coal falling into an empty
bunker. Then he dragged both men, one
under each steel-bound arm. to the stick.
Somehow. all hands forgot about the lisp
then. 4 week later the crew OF British
ship sent over a challenge on behalf Of
their heavy weight fighter. the champion
of the British naval service at that time
The Lithping Legth took up the chal-
lenge. The fight was pulled off in VILE
franche week later. and the Lithping
Lesth made the British naval champion
look like a mixed-aler. Say, that Lith-
ping Legth must. of course. have gone
right on lisping after that. but if he did
nobody on board the ship ever heard him
lisp
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-15
MARY MCCARTHY,
1.-The little girl who used to sell you
apples"

Without waiting to tell the messenger
to admit the visitor. the President came
out. shook her hand cordially. said he re-
membered her, and asked what he could
do for her.
General she began. IL am getting
too big to sell apples on the streets,
and"
Eyes. you are" the President interrupt
ed.
II thought I would come and remind
you of your promise"
II distinctly remember the promise. too.
and 1t shall be done. 1 shall write right
away. In which department do you wish
to go"
1.-The bureau of engraving and printing.
please"
VERY well. come back Thursday. and
bring q card just like this holding her
card in his hand.
Mary thanked him. returned to Mr..
Swingle. told him what the President had
said. and then went out to dispose Of her
remaining stock of apples. But she had
scarcely time to make a sale before some
one approached her. asked If she were
Mary Mccarthy. the little apple girl. and
being answered in the affirmative; gave
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-15
WaW-WHOOF,


There was defiant hoarsennss in
the locomotives diapsOnic grOwl this
time The man imagined So anyhow.
He imagined that the locomotive was
gargling to him across the roily river.
Hey. We shriveled-up mutton-conk a
slumberin' over there in a bunk near
Lincoln Park. We might as well crawl
out O. tn shucks right now and light
pipe. Because I'm after you. l Amt
goin' L let you sleep no more. IN goin'
t make you listen t me. Ye can't lose
me- Algy. I'm a-goin' L waw whoof
just as much as I durn please, and all
O. your squirmin' aroun' isn't goin' t
make me stop, get that? Whoof. Whoof
some more. Aw. waw-WhoOf"'
The man lay there and hated the plug
who inventedsteam. Hated him with a
deep, dark. vitriolic. siX-cylinder. war
-as-a-hill-climber kind OF hatred.
He lay there and Thought what
grand thing 1t would be IL ne could
haul a Japanese siege gun up alongside
that bedinged Merchandising loco
motive-haul it up to within about four
feet of the same-and then pull the
string and toss about two thousand
pounds of harveyiZed steel right
through the fiendish entrails of the Sc
pulchral brute and then stand by. jes'
lafhng and watch ii squirm-squh-irm.
''Whoof. But We can't. y know. the
locomotive called back over the turgid
stream Mix. You cannot. All you can
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-15

her letter. and returned in the direc-
ton of the White House.
Frightened at the proceedings. for no
explanation of the letter was given. Mary
hurried to Mr.. Swingle's ONCE. related
the circumstance. and handed him the
unopened letter. On reading its contents
Mr.. Swingle told her that IL was her ap-
pointment. And SO it was. The Presi-
dent had not waited for Mary to return
Thursday. but had the appointment made
to find her and deliver It,
There are many Washingtonians who
remember Little Sad-faced Mary" and
who may have wondered at her sudden
disappearance from the streets with her
basket of apples. They will know now
that it was one of President Grants
happy removals" 49,
DR. Wiley is having 1t all his own
way over this pure-fooG business" said q
Washington lawyer the other day; but
I'm going to hustle around and see
Il l can't have pure-Latin COM
mission appointed to protect the young
from. the insidious danger of false
quantities thrust upon them by this
the doctor delivered one of his character
Of a coeducational law school. and he
emitted quantities of Latin during his
talk. some of 1t classic and some Of it OF
the sO-called law variety so filtered
through musty briefs for centuries that
even a close friend would not be able to
recognize it. l can't blame DR.. Wiley for
that but l was Mortified to find him mis-
using an old friend. one who nils up
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-15

right here when it happened-I can
prove it by anybody-and, say. my names
spelt Sc and not SIX, scaggs. you'll re-
member that. won't you?"
Then on to lone of our most substan-
tiai citizens ''Er. yes: / shall be quite
pleased. indeed. to be quoted with ref
erence to this projected improvements
in fact. 1 NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. q little
statement" is invariably 5000 words
long,
Swimming along the list to the IAN
nOuncer" at the boxing bouts: Tsay,
mie Hatch Malloy-dats de monaker-
done de interducin' an de spielin' an de
challengin'.
Not forgetting to take in the eager-eyed
young chap who helped to remove the
drowned body for the water. Yes,
got to 1t first in me skift. an knowed
it was the missin' woman they was look
in fer-E. e. Gitnext. that's my name"
Side-Stepping the Ambitious.
Yes. they gauge these willing ones,
from the highest to the lowest. from the
prominent to the obscure. the naughty to
the humble and the seasoned reporter
knows that tribe as far as he can see
a furniture van through a lifting mist
The reporter has been portrayed by re-
porterphobiacs as a Buttinski. He mer-
It's All appeAatioH aPptoAnuot"B thdt Oh
the very rarest occasions. Much more
often than the perfunctory newspaper
reader imaginged. the reporter is the
sought one. not the seeker. He has. IN
fact, to keep his wits about him in order
that he may not be used-"oiled along"
to employ the sardonic patois of the city
room" and some reporters. working on
a certain class Of assignments, are just
as much occupied in lodging the hold-up
devices Of scientific cheerful workers of
the press as certain renowned grouches
heretofore alluded to as heading Glass I
are in trying to ward of the reporters.
The average reporters inside story Of
how he has to sidestep certain class
of people who would like to ''oil him
along" for their immediate profit or
ephemeral glory would be a mighty con-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-15

into many homes that erst and else were
HAPPY.
The man seemed to gather the reward
of his calmness at once. The whoofing
ceased. The man figured that maybe that
last bunch Of whoOfing had carried the
old thing out OF the Anacostia town limits
and that maybe the inconsiderabie lOut
Of a whoofer was already on it's way to
Point O. Rocks or some place like that.
He waited for another couple Of min
utes, however, so as to be sure. Yep he
had it right. he said to himself. The
whoofish serenade was of for the night.
He lay back. pulled the quilt once more
around his ears. assembled his familiar
little flock Of lamblets to count EN- as
they jumped over the low rail fence, ana
presently he was sitting in the office OF
J. Pierpont Morgan. relentessiy tapping
that eminent financier's knee and inform
Ing him that IL he. Mr. Mogan didn't I'm
mediately come through for 4O.OOO.UoO
btfcks to pay his (the near-sleepers 50 share
of the profits on that last merger DEAL
why, there'd be the biggest
Waw-Waw- whOof- f-WHOOF
WHOOF! WHOOF! WHOOF!
Dreaming that a heavily loaded brewery
wagon. loaded to the gun'ls with nlled
kags-not kegs-kags of beer. was bear
ing down upon him. with the large leu
tonic driver laughing gleefuliy. and feel
ing the hot breath of the huge Clydes-
dale horses in his face-the man sat up
with a bound and gasped and gurgled.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-15

was his comment. as he drew his scythe
on me. At one time felt him exploring
around the top Of my head. and 1 remind
ed him that l wanted no hair taken from
that part OF the crop. 'Yas-sur' he re-
piled with serene calm. though evidently
offended at unwarranted interference on
the part Of the victim. who should be
seen and not heard. The results you see.
He did all I told him not to do. I'M
Willingly tipped the barber before exam
ing the wreck which he had made of my
ambrosial locks. Not Atropos with her
cruel shears could have been more heart
sess. Expostulation was useless The
brilliant barber suggested that l get bach
in the chair and let him see what h.
could do to repair the damage. AS that
merely meant the loss Of more hair.
departed. leaving a train Of sulphurous
words behind. But. seriously. what re-
course has a customer from a barber
stupidity? A. man would not consent as
q rule. for a considerable sum OF money
to carry around the haircuts that some
BARRIERS get paid for inficting on him.
Should it not be made legal to boil offend
ing BARRIERS in oil?'
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-15
II r. AIRY was not an unattractive girl.
M and the perpetually sad express
SVA sion NJ hor face caused all varho

II r. AIRY was not an unattractive girl,
M and the perpetually sad express
SVA sion of her face caused all vho
saw her to give her more than passing
notice. and to this fact are due the details
of this little romantic story. One bleak
wintry day a gentleman happened to
look out on the street from his office win
dow and saw a man examining a basket
OF apples held by a little girl but in
stead of purchasing the man passed on
To compensate the child for her disap-
pointment he called to her, bought some
apples and told her to come every day
and he would buy from her.
In this way he became acquainted with
her history. She was an orphan and was
selling apples to support herself Among
her customers was Gem. Grant. who lived
on nth street. as she told her new-found
friend. who was the late Mr.. d. r..
Swinsle, in charge of the internal reve-
nue. blank room. Treasury Department.
Swingle bought apples from Mary every
day. became interested in her. supplied
her with pens. ink and paper. set copies
for her and taught her to write
In their early acquaintance she had
told Mr.. 'Swingle. in connection with the
fact that Gen. Grant bought apples from
Der. that he once said to her: Mary. If
I ever become President 1 shall give you
an appointment"
Some years later, when Mary was about
fifteen and Gen. Grant had become Presi-
dent. in her daily visits to Mr. Swingle' s
office, he said to her:
Mary. you are getting too large now
to be selling apples on the street.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-15
~ HIS man is a light sleeper.

HIS man Is n8nt sleeper
That's the main reason why he
moved recently to an apartment
near Lincoln Park, out yOnder on Capt.
tol Hill.
He took q couple OF looks at that neigh
borhood and its drowsy activities. and he
concluded that If he couldn't get the
slumber god to sit on his eyelids up in
that. neighborhood there wouldn't be any
connected and continuous sleep possible
for him anywhere In the District of Co
lumbia.
All the same. he got in bad.
On his first night in the apartment near
Lincoln Park. he read. as usual, until
something after 1 in the morning-he'd
always found it hopeless job to go to
bed and try to get any sleep before that
turning-in time. His family had gone to
bed several hours before. The apartment
was perfectly quiet. - great peace brood
ed over the neighborhOod: Once in a great
while he could hear the buzzing OF car
about a block away. but that occasional
buxzing only served to accentuate the
bully quietude Of the hour and place.
The mans eyes kindled with anticipa-
ton as he closed his book and reflected
upon the fine silence.
"Oho." he all but sang to himself, men
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-15

an interesting phase in the life of a great
MANTLE cOmmon-sense President OF
great nation.
Connected with the District government
in this city is Capt. c. n. Phelps. who
was one of the earliest soldiers to re-
spond to the call for 5000 troops in 1861.
His regiment FASTENED from New York TO
protect the nations capital.
At that time preparations for the recep-
ton of Union defenders were very in
complete and imperfect. When the COM
mand reached the railway station its
men were at a loss to know what to do.
Finally the men repaired to the White
House to get something to eat.
On the grounds. with no sign Keep on
the grass confronting them. the soldiers
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-15

vincing one were there any chance Tor
the world in general to hear 1t.
They Don't Deceive.
Glass 3. the folks who ''jes' make OUT
that they don't want to see reporters, but
who are really craving the kind of transit
tory reclame the reporter is capable of
giving them. are the diaphonous deceiv-
ers Diaphanous, because they only think
they deceive.
"Oh, never have any truck with news
paper reporters. but I've been so mis-.
represented in this particular matter that
I'm going to depart from my. custom this
time and
IAN interview? Never! But there are
some features In connection with this
thing that the public ought to know about,
and So
please don't bother me! I'm too old q
bird to be caught in the kind of trap
you newspaper fellows set for folks, but
I'll tell you one thing. the people on the
o6her side of this affair have shot Of
Their mouths SO much that / intend to
tell
me grant an Interview? Absurd! 1
have my opinion Of people who stoop to
airing their grievances in the newspapers.
but. for YOUR own information. will
tell YOU that
"Hoity-tol,y. Kecr my name out Of
The newspapers! / cont pose for the
public eye. You people never by any
chance get anything right. and the only
way for one to do is to write ones own
statement. which I've"
Say. keep me out Of the newspapers.
wont you: l don't need that sort of
advertising MY work. I think. ought to
speak for itself. Anyhow. II 1 were to
announce that / intend. during the ap-
preaching season. to put into practice a
new system Of
And so on Any reporter thoroughly
on the job understands all Of the kinks
Of this pellucid kind of pretense. 1t Is
strange that the pretenders don't know
that the reporters know. Occasionally.
when he can. the reporter. just for the
fun Of 1t. obeys ihc adjuration Of the
supposititiously shrinking one and keeps
his or her name out of the story. Then,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-15

He hoped SO. anyway. He sure hoped so.
He'd been figuring that he had that SUM
Der gag all tied up In a nice brown parcel
with pink ribbops wrapped around it.
Whoof-whoof-wh oof-wha " hoOf- whah-
whoof!
Why the blamed thing sounded as II 1t
must be coming nearer Couldn't be pos
sible that 1t was going to sneak across
some bridge over the Eastern branch?
Was there railroad bridge over the
Eastern branch. anyhOw2 The man
couldn't quite recollect about that. but
Whoof- whOof-whoof-and then whole
stack of whoOfs. rapid and staccatO-like.
as IL the sepulchareler had got its teeth
into something and was trying to yank it
along over rough going.
The man tried to be calm. He strove
against permitting himself to get worked
up. st
The vhah-whoofer. he wistfully hoped.
would get tired Of coughing around in
that depressing way after. few min
utes. and then would tackle it's job of
pulling train and go on about its
business to Sandusky or Bloomington or
Pentwater and let folks have a little
rest for themselves. No locomotive con-
tanning a nickers worth Of the milk OF
human kindness mixed up with cylinder
oil and things could have the gizard
to loaf around a place like Anacostia all
night. giving utterance to pulmonary
calculations and chucking gobs Of gloom
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-15

folks are beginning to perceive, is ever OF
his own volition a ''Buttinski." II the ma
ture of his assignment forces him to be
persistent they know that the motive un'
DERIVING his persistence is not a con-
temptible one. True. ii may be a motive
of self-interest, but the self-interest is OF
the sort that actuates men in all walks
OF life to make good" 9nd to hold on"
Not Necessary to His Happiness.
No reporter will board a steamer or re-
pair to a hotel or special car for the pur-
pose of getting talk out Of a strut
ting. supercilious actress because he is
enamored of that sort of thing. The
chances always are that he has every
thing she will say discounted In advance.
IL not. indeed, that he could express
everything she will say a great deal more
succinctly and scintillatingly than the
actress knows how to express it.
1t is the rarest thing for the modern re-
porter to fall in love with the conversa-
ton of personages he is assigned" to
meet. He knows all sorts of bright peo-
pie whom he may meet when he isn't on
duty. and he is pretty liable to become
tired of the brand of superficial clever
ness that personages put on when they
meet reporters. The splutterings of poll
ticians. the platitudinous sonorities OF
10 Iot. tHcmScNtS,
particularly absorb or enchain the re-
porter. They make stuff" but they
don't charm the assigned listener
There are a hundred things that he'd
rather be doing than interviewing the re-
'nowned one. il were imbecile to mag
inc that men of the required intelligence
of modern reporters willfully. because
they like it," make nuisances OF them
selves
These things in connection with the re-
porter and his work-often his thankless.
unimaginably difficult work-are worthy
of being better understood. When they
are universally understood the reporter
who isn't addicted to self-sympathy. at
that, and who never makes that futile
moan that he is misunderstood will be
content.
Content because by that time all Of the
reporters of this epoch will be dead and
buried CLARENCE l.. CULLEN.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-15

the next time he meets up with the pro-
fessed shrinker. he extracts certain
malevOle IT delight from the abused ex-
preston Of countenance which the imita-
ton shrinker infallibly wears. They just
naturally hate to be taken at their WORD,
SO they do.
Hepudiate the Matter.
These latter too. are the great repu-
diators Having studiously. if clumsiiy.
created the impression that they don't
give out anything to the newspapers"
they are enabled, when their printed ut
terances fall fiat or dead or are provoca-
tive of pelt-puncturing criticism. to stalk
with some show of credibiity to the firing
line and declare that they never said no
SIGH a thing; or that their words weTe
twisted or distorted Or that PHRASES
were put into their mouths or even.
making a fine Job of it while they're about
1t, vowing and vumming that they never
saw the representative OF such-and-such
paper at all.
A Man Under Orders.
In depicting types there always must
seem to be some exaggeration. Taking
them collectively. the naturally kindly
and inherently keen people of this country
VINO have attained the Splane of promi-
hence that brings them into contact with
newsgathering folk are coming to bet
ter understanding OF the American re-
porter.
They apprehend, far more than they
used to, that his avocation forces him to
do a lot of things that he himself doesn't
care to do. They begin to recognize the
fact that he Is not a free agent: that he
Is as much the creature of discipline as
the soldier; that he has to obey orders.
whether he likes the orders or not. and
that his Job depends upon his implicit
obedience of these orders.
AS the newspapers get closer to the
people the interviewees begin to under
stand that excuses don't go" when made
to a city editor, and that the reporter who
is sent out to get certain stuff" must
fetch that stuff" back or stand for one
or several of the many penalties which
are in store for the reporter who falls
down on an assignment
No metropolitan reporter, the kindly