The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-02-23
HUMOR|STS HELP . ID BRIGHTEN WORLD JOkesmith Is a Very Busy
 Individual IS so MUCH PER WORD Difficulties of Getting Real Humor From the Great Humorist Over
 the Slot Metre Telephone
 at Long Distance.
From the Washington Post

uo le1Suro whatever.
 His desk was all the time filtered with requests for contributions. The l Screamer wanted a sketch that should ;, benefit its name. The Gabler wanted an autobiography. The Smiler pleaded ] for skit. of only a few hundred words ] A hundred editors besought humor-- ] bright, genuine, captivating humor. ! The cost was not a consideration
 The Great Humorist fingered off one thing. after another without a pause He went from one spasm of humor to another without pausing between. His humor was so remarkable and finely cut that a single word taken out of one of his sketches was laughable, even when standing alone, separated from it's fellows No other humorist had | ever achieved such distinction.
 $50 Worth of Sunshine. Fifty cents a word was the standard tax of the Great Humorist against the public, through the editorial mediums.
 But 1t was cheap at that. Frequently 1 a single word brought half a dozen l smiles, sometimes started whole train i Of laughter Fifty dollars worth of his crisp sunshine illuminated the for taaa.s pelloulcal ti' at had it like a securing soap advertisement.
 The children cried for 1t. Mothers drank 1t in their tea. Fathers set 1t up in front of tn cir cigars and reveled in it. A few hundred words of it suf- feed for the family. It came to be that the family fortunate enough to ] have excess to 1t fairly basked in sun shine.
 Not infrequent1y bit of his .humor was cabled across the water. appearing simultaneously in different languages, and radiating laughter wherever 1t ap- peared.
 So when they told me at the office to go down and see him and find out how 1t was done I looked upon 1t as a 1 pleasurable although possibly diff l cult assignment. But would tele- l phone the Great Humorist's secretary and seek to make an appointment.
 When L looked for the directory l saw the Great Humorists name regis tered as having private exchange call department or person wanted
 This humor was a thriving business, I meditated, when 1t supported a pri- vate exchange, with nobody knows how many departments. I saw then that this assignment was to be an easy one.
 I got the private exchange and called for the Great Humorist's secretary.
 (Which secretary" I was asked. l 1 dlQn'L knOW there WAS AlOTc bildh one," I explained. T want to make an ngagement with the Great Humor- ist and get an Interview for the Tat tier"
 ''You want the chronological secre- 1 tary" came the answer, apd 1 was connected up with the c. s. and made 1 known my wants.
 The c. s. told me there was a brief 1 two and three quarter minutes between ! Coll -tf,tS l Thursday that the Great Humorist might give me If he felt go inclined He would see. Would I give him some references"
 q did, including a number of we'll known literary folk. Would I give him a banker?" Which I did. wonder ing why finance should be intruded , into the matter.
 on the following Wednesday was told that my appointment was made, i anu would I Gall private exchange | promptly at one minute before on Thursday and ask for the toll station? Humor by the Minute. How long an interview do you want?" asked the secretary of publici- I ty,f with whom I was connected up this second time.
 All I can crowd into two minutes ! and three quarters" I said. | Evidently he did some figuring, for l when he spoke again he said: You 1 can get probably 300 or 400 words if : you talk fast. The Great Humorist answers questions very rapidly. Be 1, sure to bring $20 or $3o in silver to the toll station. You will find 1t in the public reception room, first floor. An attendant will difect you" I was much mystified at this com mercial tinge. And I was the more mystified as to where I was to get the s2O or $50 in silver The office had said nothing about expense. When I explained the situation I got an order on the business office for SEQ. I got it all in silver, wondering what I was to do with 1t.
 Promptly at minute before 3, quiy- ering with excitement and my heart beating audibly, I went into the toll station on the first floor called d.n- tral. and stated my appointment.
 heard my call repeated through several secretarial posts and outposts until finally I was certain l was hook ed LID with the Great Humorist himself For I felt myself smiling, even before word was said.
 Dropping Dollars in the Slot.
 It was centraPs voice I heard now. .sWhen I say Ready" she explained, you will drop dollar into the pay slot and the Great Humorist will talk ten words. If at the end of that time you want more. drop in another dollar and get another ten. Be sure to drop the dollars in promptly, because the Great Humorist dislikes to wait. He feels that he is wasting time which Is very valuable to him. He makes you this special rate of 10 cents a word be- cause he appreciates the enterprise of the Tattler in getting an interview. The usual charge. you know. is DO cents word. Are you ready now?'
 was taken off my feet as Is were, and there was no time to ask ques- lions or I would lose my appointment with the Great Humorist. So declared I was ready and began to tumble In my purse for a silver dollar.
 dropped one in the slot and heard if rattle down. There was buzz and the Great Humorist's voice-I knew it was his-said: "Well?"
 It was up to me to say something and as his reply would cost me 10 cents a word. it would be somthing worth while and to the point. I wondred if that "Well?" counted as a word If so. I only had nine left out of my first dollar.
 yanily tried to think of something especially pertinent to say. The sec onds were slipping away. and stood th ere like a post. Then I said Good