The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-08
GARDENDALE BURGLAR CURE

disturbed MT. Wilson's sleep. wore an expression of pathetic dismay.
 The burglar, walking as if in a dream, was led to the raised platform and motloned to sit. Mir. Jackson, who had brought up in the rear with an armful of clothes, laid them upon a
 table in front of the throne, and stepped back.
 Burglar" said MT. Wilson, what IS your name?"
 There was no answer from the occu- pant of the royal seat, whose eyes shifted about the room nervously.
 He declines to give his name, gem tlemen,' said MT Wilson. Call him Foozle," suggested the | clubs worst golfer.
 "Excellent." said MT. Wilson. "The | secretary will make a note of it. Foozle,
 how old are you?"
 The burglar glared sullenly and then
 exclaimed: "Aw, cut it out Send for tho
 cops!'
 Don't be rude. Foozle, old boy" from
 the back of the room.
 Put him down as years old" com mented MT. Wilson. "Foozle, have you
 a family?'
 No answer from the throne. "The secretary will record that he | has wife and nine small children at , home" announced MT. Wilson. Now, | Foozle, instead of being a common, | everyday burglar, would you like to | be king%
 l After half a minutes pause the in terlocutor reported: He would like to
 be king. Bring forth the crown" MT. Gates advanced with gilded
 crown, bowed low to the burglar and 1 placed 1t upon his brow. The king | l.. 1 Gates picked it up again and damned 1 it on with such vigor that the royal
 one said Ouch" and winced. You be-
 have and be a nice quiet king" ad- i monished MT. Gates severely.
 Now let the sceptre be brought"
 said MT. Wilson. MT. Fanshawe ad-
 vanced and placed a dainty wand in l the monarchs s hand | ''Now, gentlemen" continued the
 master of cermonies, "who is this per
 son we see before us?' 1 He's a king!' yelled the club. What's his name? | King Foozle the First"
 And what is he king of?' "He is king of all the burglars, an l swered the chorus. | "I,et his royal insignia be brought"
 said Mir Wilson. MT. Jackson ad-
 vanced with tin pie plate, through 1 which hole had been bored and
 string run. He hung 1t around the
 kings neck and as he stepped back
 the club read upon 1t, painted in white 1 letters: q am king of all the burg l lars"
 "Good." said MT. Wilson. Nov. 1 what are King Foozles sllts eo hi' 1 loyal subjects?"
 "These." said MT. Gates, pointing to
 the burglars clothes.
 i "Ah. yes," said MT. Wilson. "1 will l inspect them, with the royal permls-
 sion. In the right hand coat pocket find a watch and fob, which l recog-
 nize. I will keep them. I further find
 a dozen silver spoons and seven silver | forks These I also recognize. Ihe | king is bountiful to his humble sub | feet. In the trousers pocket find the | sum of s38.50. Of this amount 1 recog- l nize s780 as my own. The balance wlli | be turned over to the club. Here IS a scarf pin which I do not recognize.
 With the kings permission, 1t Will pe I presented to the steward These pawn | tickets will be set aside for future cor l sideration. This knife, bunch of keys, | revolver and cold chisel are presented l to the club museum. The clothing VIII | be turned over, with the kings bless | ing. to the Salvation Army. The King l has no more to give away"
 The king watched thes sdistribution or
 royal gifts with some alarm. - "Now. your highness" said Mr. Will l son "vour subjects would be pleased
 to listen to a royal address on matters | pertaining to your kingdom.
 Silence and a scowl. 1 "Or a song" called a member.
 "Or a recitation. Let him recite Mary Had Little Lamb.
 The king sneered. | "He neither sings, rectes nor crates, shtf 10 | entertain us with feats of strength ana | agility in the gymnasium l "Hooray," yelled the club. Come on, | old how" and they led him from his chair | and escorted him downstairs. First they | put him on the parallel bars and De- | seeched him to do many push-ups, prod l ding him gently to further exertion when | he showed signs of fatigue The hihs | funked miserably on the tenth and hung helr,lessly. On the horizintal bar he was | nersuaded to chin himself 12 times and l was disrespectfully hooted when he failed 1 on the thirteenth. In skinning the cat | the royal pie plate and gorgeous cape be- l came entangled in his legs and the King 1 fell head down upon the mat. Then there | was royal broad jumping, high jumping, | club swinging, weight lifting. pulley ma l nipulation and other feats of which the | members of the Greenlawn Golf club were fertile in invention. The King | panted, perspired and became wabbly, but | he endured it silently. The committee 1 on persuasion had wonderful knack of 1 getting the royal consent. "The King desires to give an exhibition 1 of boxing with his humble subject Mc- | Ivor," said MT. Wilson A pair of heavily | padded gloves were placed upon the royal | hands, while the grinning McIvor donned susplcously skimpy looking ones. It was | not spirited set-to, at least not upon the part of the King. He was wlted before he began. and he was positively faded when McIvor got through with him. But there were other things in store for his highness.
 "Can you swim, O King?" queried MT. Wilson, as they famed damaged royalty. Lock up, boss,' said the King meelSly. You ain't got no right to do this.'
 '"The King says he can swim excellent ly" reported MT. Wilson, and they led him to the tank room.
 whats the temperature of the water?" asked MT. Gates.
 'Fifty-two, sir" said the steward. "The tank Is fresh filed"