The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-06-21
FARMER |S ROPED
 INTO MATR|MONY How LaSSo Aids Cupid In
 Oklahoma ALL IS OVER BASHFULNESS Flees From Pursuing Widow With Matrimonial intentions, But Is Duly Captured and Hauled
 To HymeneaI Altar.


 the humpbacked nose. as he warmed up to his theme, advertising is the greatest rower in the world today. It is advertis-. ing that makes the wheels go round. It iS advertising that grabs the forces of na- ture and puts 'em to work Science pro- vides the harness the machinery, for 'em, but it's advertising that makes 'em get busy. It's advertising that-that-'
 Possibly you're right" interrupted the red-headed man in the corner, but sup pose you elucidate."
 Certainly l will. It's the easiest thing goin' We've got electricity and steam and air and water all working for us. What for? Just for fun? Just to please the children? Not on your life. They got their backs bent over, so to speak, and in the sweat of their brows, so to speak, they're making things for us; things for us to eat to wear, to adorn our houses, to make us comfortable, to make us happy. So. Now, then, what is it keeps 'em at work? Why don't they lay down and quit us? They didn't have to work in the old times Why do they work now, night and day, day and night never lettin' up? Why? Simplest thing in the world. Sup ply and demand Supply and demand.
  dies got along without these things. didn't they-most of them? What makes the de- mand now? Why do we have to have these things-must have 'em; can't get along without 'em? What created this de- mand that didn't exist before? Why, ad- vertising-ad What is it makes the wheels go round? Supply and de- mand. What Is supply and demand? Bus inss. What makes business? Adverts- thing world. about your telegraph and your telephones why, If it wasn't for advertising the wires would sag to the ground between every pole, and the railroads would have to buy all the Standard Oil products to keep their tracks from goin' to rust
 That's certainly going some," admitted the red-headed man in the corner, but there's undoubtedly a great deal of truth in what you say. I haven't the slightest doubt that If all advertising were to stop right now the world would immediately commence to go backward"
 Maybe so, maybe so," said the passen- ger from Pawhuska, "and yet advertising isn't always a good thing Sometimes it's dangerous. Look what that she devil over in Indiana did with a little bit of matri- monial ad. That shows its power, to be sure, but it shows, too, that it's got to bs used in the right way. It's terrible weapon in bad hands. But talking about matrimonial ads and trouble makes me thinks of the time I played Cupid for Ad- oniram Johnson. Don't suppose you ever heard of Ad Johnson?"
 Never dld," answered tn red-headed man in the corner, but I'd like very much to know what relation Ad Johnson bears to ad matrimonial"
 Well, I'll explain it to you" said the | passenger from Pawhuska. "Adoniram came into Oklahoma with the rush in S9
 He lit onto pretty little piece O ground down on the Cimarron close to Kingfsher, and he froze to it. Built him little sod house and lived all to himself. And farm! Say, what that fellow didn't know about farmin' wouldn't make a preface for d spellin book Talk about maxim the des- ert bloom, why, Ad Johnson was cer- tainly the original bloomer from Bloom- vile. Didn't seem to make much differ ence about the seasons, he'd have the biggest crop in the county, and every fall he'd stow away lot O money in the bank and saw wood.
 "He was certainly spelln' prosperity with a big P, and all the women said it was a shame that Ad kept on Twin in that little sod house all by himself instead O marryin' some nice girl an bein' happy ever after like the rest of the married
 
 to be in the marvin way. l guess he was the shyest man that ever come to Okla homa, an that's sayin whole lot, for everybody knows that modesty's our long suit. You could not get him in 40 rods of petticoat to save your life; so there didn't seem to be much chance O gettin' him hitched up in double harness. There was some reason for Ads backwardness, too. He wasn't pretty to look at. He was about six feet long, mostly neck and legs, and he had countenance that would have made his fortune in the undertakin business. It commenced at his collar but ton and ran clear over the top of his head to a little fringe of faded hair at the back, and it was the oldest collection of hills and hollows you ever saw in your life. The sun had tanned his face to a fine saddle color, but the top of his head was white and smooth as a baby's face, except when woman looked at him; then it would turn as red as one of those toy balloons.
 "Of course Ad got the reputation of bein a confirmed woman hater, but we found out afterwards that we'd misjudged him. We found out that he was woman worshiper; that he was just pinin' for woman companion; but he was so blamed bashful that he couldn't even speak to one, let alone ask one to marry him. How'd we find 1t out? Why, one day woman got 0ff the train at k1ngf1Sher and begun to make inquiries about Ad. Some- body said they'd seen him just few min- utes before, but when they looked for him he couldn't be found. She went out to his house, but the door was locked, and after stayn around two or three days she got on the train and went back to wherever it was she come from. Two or three weeks afterwards another woman dropped in and the same thing happened, and in about a month more here comes another woman inquiring' for Ad.. We begin to get curious, and the next time Ad went to town we set watch on him. He was all dressed up in a new suit O store clothes, and he had on blue neck tie with red stripes in 1t you could see d mile away. He hung around the depot all mornin', sayin' nothin' to nobody; but when the train whistled he begun to back if, and when 1t stopped he was down at the next corner, with nothin' but his head and about a yard of his neck in sight, peekin' around from behind Jim Dawson's drug store. strange woman got off an commenced rubberin' for somebody. One of the boys went up to her.
 "'Was you lookin for MT. Johnson says he
 " Yes she says do you know where he is?'
 " Sure, ma'am,' he says; he's over at the drug store waitin' for you. I'll take you over.
 "All the rest of us went along to see the | fun, but before we got half way there we saw Ad cuttn' down the road toward the | country, takin' in about a rod at every step. Looked like giraffe in hurry. l anything In fowp oo,1ld ovarha I'll l