The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1908-05-26
AZ DEFICIENT ALARM.

! ears ago, when electric burglar
alarms were new, Mark Twain had
one placed i'm his house. In his auto
biography, in the North American
Review, he tells how it worked. AS
n general thing It was out of order.
Then he would shut it off and send
TO New York for an electrician. II
never showed its real possibilities ex-
cept on one occasion.
Just that one time" he says, cit
performed its whole duty-gravely,
seriously, admirably. 1t let fly about
O'Clock one black. and dreary March
morning, and turned out promptly.
because | knew twas not fooling this
time.
Il stepped into the bathroom.
turned up the gas, looked at the an
nunciator, and turned off the alarm.
so far as the door indicated was CON
cerned. This stopped the racket.
Then | went back to bed and Mrs.
Clemens opened the debate.
What it is?'
4 was the cellar door,
Was ii a burglar, do you think -
Yes, said j. of course it was.
Did YOU think it was a Sunday-school
superintendent?
"'No. What do you suppose he
wants?'
l suppose he wants jewelry, but
he is not acquainted with the house.
and he thinks it is in the cellar. Still.
it may be that he is acquainted with
the place, and that what he really
wants is coal and vegetables.
Are YOU going down to see?'
Are YOU going down to see?'
No; let him select for himself
But suppose he comes up to the
ground foor?'
We shall know it the minute he
opens n door. 1t will set off the
alarm.
Just then tho buzzing broke out
again. ] went into the bathroom and
saw l was right, shut off the dining
room and came back to bed.
What DO You suppose he is af-
ter now?' said my wife.
1 think he has eot all the vege-
tables he wants, and is coming up for
napkin rings ana odds and ends for
the wife and children. They all have
families. burglars have, and they are
always thoughtful for them
Are YOU going down to see what
he wants now
No; | think he is after ceramics
and such things. II he knows the
house he knows that is all he can find
on that floor
She said, with q strong interest
perceptible in her tone, Suppose he
comes up here"
All right, said. lie will give
us notice.
What shall we do them
Climb out Of the window.
Well, what is the use OF a bur-
slar alarm for us?' she asked. res
lively.
You have seen, dear heart. that
1t has been useful up 10 the present
moment, and have explained how it
will be continuously useful after he
gets up here.
That was the end OF It, He didn't
ring any more alarms. | said
thought he was disappointed and had
gone oil with the vegetables and the
bric-a-brac.
We went to sleep. and az 7.45 in
the morning ! was out and hurrying.
for I was to lake the 500 train for
New York. found the gas burning
brightly all over the frs floor. Ny
new overcoat was gone; my old UNI
brella was gone; my new patent
leather shoes which had never worn
were gone Tho large window at the
rear OF the house was open. passed
out through it and tracked the bur-
lar down the hill tracked him with
ease, because he had blazed his way
with imitation silver napkin rings.
and my umbrella. and various other
things which he disapproved OF. and
went back in triumph and proved to
my wife that he was a disappointed
burglar
Il had suspected he would be from
the start and from his not coming 10
our floor to get human beings"