davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23
QUAKER fluctuations.

LFrom the Philadelphia Record.1
Money talks, but it seldom repeats
itself.
If chickens could talk would they use
foul language?
The one person a man Is always
ready to forgive is himself.
A man can't keep his friends and
retain the I-told-you-so habit
1t Is possible to speak i'll of a man
even when you know him we'll.
The fellow who bets his bottom dol
lar doesn't always come out on top.
As a rule a girl either wears her
heart on her sleeve or keeps 1t in cold
storage.
There are some few people who ac-
quire fame and wealth without forget
ting their old friends.
The Cynical Bachelor rises to re-
mark that many a man is woman
Halter in spite of the fact that he has
never married
Wigg-"Poor old Guzzler is in a bad
way; he saw snakes in his boots this
morning" Wagg-"What did he do?''
Wigg-"Y for a sherry cobbler."
Nell-'I never saw such a woman
as Mrs. Buggins; she Is always spank
ing her children BELIEVES, she
doesn't have to go to palmist to have
her palm red"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23
GLOBE SIGHTS.
IFrom the Atchison Globe.1
- nna ox-ar fhfvalrr thof n Inx, ~,

IETom the Atch1Son Globe
No one ever thinks that boy may
be tired.
Women never blow their noses, ex-
cept when alone with their families.
What has become of the old-fash-
toned man who was satisfied with a
good living?"
You can praise one man to another
who is praised is dead.
There Is now some hope for the hu-
man race: 1t is said that physicians
will not open knife for less than fifty
dollars.
1t is said that by adroit manage
ment, a woman at an afternoon re-
ception can find herself in the crowd
going out to the dining room at least
six times.
The talk at an afternoon reception
where there are two or three hundred
women, is said to remind the silent
spectator of a train rushing through
a succession ofshort tunnels.
You can win your way into any
mans heart by laughing at his jokes.
The men all think they are too funny
to live, and, in addition, the men have
been so spoiled by their giggling wo-
men folks that they think they are great
humorists.
We would like to know some one wha
can play a guitar. We have known a
few people who can play pianos, vio-
Inns, and the like, but We never knew
anyone who could play guitar, al
though we never knew any one who
was not willing to try.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23
HYHAWKER JOTS

Comment on fall fashions from the
Bartlesville Enterprises: Campaign
contributions are also cultivating the
slim figure this fall
Personally we are tired of hearing
of the Swede who said he was never
born but had a stepmother. We be-
lieye the story untrue.-Salina Jour
nal.
Some Kansas City motorists were
arrested in Doniphan county recently
for speeding and the Troy Chief re-
fers to them as kansas City speed
maniacs.''
Mud-hens are said to be prolific
nowadays in the vicinity of Sugar
lake. A couple of hunters from
Atchison are reported to have killed
forty-two in one days shooting.
A man who is to lecture soon in
Cottonwood Falls adyertises that he
combines the humor of Armteus
Phillips" And it cost only fifty
cents to hear him, remarks Charlie
Blakesley.
Something a trif1e unusual in the
way of school discipline has come to
light in Kansas City, Kan, where a
teacher pasted strip of court plas-
ter across the mouth or a pupil who
she believed was talking a little too
much. She has been arrested on
charge of cruelty
Rice county, which is one of the
banner counties in the state in the
way of producing crops. certainly
makes a strong bid for being the
state. But one criminal case was on
the docket for the present term of
the district court and the county has
a population of about $4,000.
Mr.. Hansen, proprietor of the
Buckeye hotel at Independence, prob
ably has good reason to think that
he grew the prize tomato plant in
Kansas during the past season. 1t at
tanned height of ten feet and had,
in all, four hundred and sixty.
tomatoes on it. If there is anybody
in the state who grew a larger plant
one that had more tomatoes on it,.
let him speak up.
The Atchison Globe tells of a man
in that town who recently received an.
advance in salary of kS2 week.
without his wife's knowledge. For.
merly he gave all his money to his
wife every Saturday night. But now
he holds out his increased pay and is
leading a gay life. He went down
town the other night and visited all
the moving picture shows, spending an
enormous total of fifteen cents. Prob
ably every woman in Atchison, who
has been in the habit of taking charge
of all of her husbands pay, has al
ready begun Investigations.
A reluctan admission from the sa-
betha Herald: Hiawatha gets ahead
of us in this. Mrs Ainsworth, of that
town, knew Taft when he was a baby,
and she says he always woke up smil-
ing. That smile has never yet come
off. Well, this is hard to beat, but
anyway, though it may be little late,
Mr.. and Mrs. A. J. Trees, of Sabetha,
knew Ulysses S. Grant when he was
a little boy, and knew his parents WELL
Besides they have a picture of the
home where Ulysses was born, with
the old doctor, whom they also knew,
and who assisted the stork upon Ulys-
ses' arrival into this vale of tears
standing by the gate in front of the
picture.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
Iron the Chicago News. l

IFrom the Chicago News.1
1t keeps some men busy postponing
things.
1t takes smooth tongue to sidetrack
bill collector.
Being a young widow gets to be aw-
fully monotonous.
Even our best friends don't do much
worrying on our behalf
Only those who have been up against
real misery can fully appreciate hap
piness.
Sometimes man accomplishes greaG
things by getting other men to do them
for him.
Most men are able to get off smart
things-thanks to the lack of adhesive
ness in mustard plasters.
After girl has passed teh age of 20
the candles of her birthday cake shed
too much light on the affair.
Some men put everything Off till to-
morrow with the exception of bill col
lectors, and they put them Off indef-
nitely.
When young man goes around look
ing as though he hadn't friend on
earth 1t is either a case of love or in
digestion.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Some men are reliable because 1t is
well known that whatever they tell
isn't so.
Y X X
Maybe the reason many men do not
wake up to find themselves famous is
because they oversleep 50 much.
X x h
It's objectionable for person to
make the same mistake twice because
there are so many other mistakes that
can be made.
If doctors would be prompt in send
ing in their bills many of their pa
tients would perforce follow their in
structions to diet.
X
A man who is called a model ought
not to puff up with pride too much
for an accepted definition of model
is "a small imitation of the real thing"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23
HUMOR OF THE Day

Intelligent Rescuer Ito skater who has
fallen through)-Steady. old man, steadyi
Keep cool!-London Bystander.
Gertrude Coghlan recently told good
one one Of Ia very young friend OF hers who io
mother. tell me why I punished your
That's it, said Johnny, you nearly
pound the life out of me and now you
don't even know why you did it."-October
Young's Magazine.
When sec what Barlow accomplishes
: He has great physical endurance" yes"
replied Gangoyle. That man has the con-
stitution of debutante."-London Tele-
graph.
Neighbor-I want to ask il you'd mind
not using that worm exterminator you've
bought for your garden. Suburbanite-
And why not, pray? Neighbor-Weil, you
see. I'm planning to keep chickens.-Judge.
1.-THE easiest way to succeed, my boy, is
to give the people what they want" mo,
sir, you are mistaken. The easiest way to
succeed Is to make the people think they
want what You are giving them."-Chi-
cago Record-Herald.
Benny's mother took him on Saturday
afternoon to the Natural History Rooms
on Brooklyn street. When they arrived
home Benny blurted out: ''Oh, papa. we
had grand time. Mamma and I went to
a dead circus. Boston Transcript
rs your husband taking much of an
interest in politics this year. NO He
won season pass in a guessing contest
to one of the baseball grounds. Chicago
Record-Herald.
He-Oh, please. Miss Jeanne, do not call
me Mr.. Durand. She (coyly)-Oh, but our
acquaintance is so short! Why should
not call you that? He-Why, chiefly be-
zine.
,Dorothy's mother found her with an
a sea qor ciSc6 6c on her foot and the alarm
sake. Dorothy. what mischief are you up
to now?" Why. mother. I'm not in any
mischief; but my foots asleep and want
Nell-Mrs. Buggins says she hates to
have her husband out of her sight. Belle
He must be a very good husband or a very
bad one.-Philadelphia Record.
Mulligan-The byes say We licked poor
CASEY shure he niyer hurt my mann's
feelins S. Harrgan-Hes a snake in the
grass. The blackguard referred to me as
his contemporary. and I'll be the con-
The Mother-My little boy was rude, 1
know. am afraid he is awfully spoiled.
1t is better that he should be spoiled than
that his young life be embittered by the
thought that he is different from ali other
American chfldren.-Life.
lie see said Mrs Starvem. that a GER
tain scientist ennd fto claims Ven s91n get paa
the cranky boarder cit seems inDossible
to get it out of board. "-Philadelphia
Press.
Jack-In the Oriental world girl never
sees her intended husband until she is
married to him. Flossy-How odd! In
this part of the world she seldom sees him
afterwards.-Aly Sioper's.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
[From the New York Press.l

A boy knows more at 20 than he can
unlearn between that and 60.
Even when a man picks up money
in the street he thinks it's because he
has such head for finance
The reason a woman has faith in a
man is it helps her not to be so mis-
cradle over the things she can't trust
him in.
There are two kinds of girls sure to
be old maids, those from whom every
man runs away and those who run af-
ter every man.
When a man will confess to his wife
that he had a love affair before he
was married, she is all the more sus-
picious about the ones he doesn't tell
her Of.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23

According to Golfers Weekly Mr..
Hearst secured the famous Standard
OIL letters to prominent public men by
paying thieves for them. This is just
what everybody suspected in the
premises. But probably Mr.. Hearst
satisfies his conscience, which from his
many and varied public performances
is evidently of the easy variety, on the
theory that the end justifies the means.
Still there is another better establish
ed doctrine that the receiver of sto-
len goods is quite as culpable as the
thief who purloined them.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23

would soon have on hand a surplus
of grain, or cotton, whichever it might
be, for which there would be no
market, and if it was dumped on the
market all at once it would be ruinous
to the prevailing prices of the times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23

In several portions of Indiana a
peculiar ailment, resembling hives, has
developed among the people. Some of
the medical authorities in the neigh
borhoods are attributing it to the eat
ing of pawpaws. 1t will be the opin-
ion of many that anyone who will
feast on pawpaws is deserving of con-
tracing an ailment of some sort.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23

China's new constitution makes an
effort to take good care that the de-
scendants of the reigning emperor
shall continue to be at the head of the
government. Its first provision is to
the effect that the emperor and those
in his family who come after him
shall rule supreme over the empire for
no less than one thousand generations
in succession and be held in honor for
ever. Provision for the time after that
is not made. This shows considerable
carelessness on the part of the trainers
Of the document.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23
A BRITISH CRITICISM.

Mrs. Annie Golden Sanderson, a
noted "suffragette'' of England, writes
that American women will be among
the last to obtain the rights of the
franchise because they are too timid.
If timidity means that the women
of America refuse to form them
selves into long parades, carry
transparencies, whirl rattles and
throw water on the tax collectors, 1t
is Just as well that they are lacking in
boldness. 1t is not at all improbable,
however, that the suffrage will come
to the women in this country quite as
soon as to those in Britain. and this
in spite of their failure to make ex-
hibitions of themselves, to beat tin
pans and invite jail sentences-in
short, to be generally and consistently
unwomanly. Mrs. Sanderson gives
the impression that she would rather
have the enjoyment of the pursuit of
the vote than the use of the vote
itseh.-Toledo Blade.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23

Willis ]. Abbott, the manager of the
publicity department of the Democrat
&c national committee, is out with an
article in favor of the bank deposit
guarantee scheme in which he says if
Il is enacted into law It will be the
means of forcing boarded gold out into
business channels.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23

Probably there are several promi-
nent men in the country who are wor-
rying considerably today because they
have held written communication in
times past on divers interesting sub
jects with the high officials of the
Standard Oil company Mr.. Hearst
promises to make public on Saturday
some more sensational letters. Chef
Thomas advice concerning writing
letters appears to still hold good.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23

From the demonstrations and recep-
tions that were accorded to Mr.. Bryan
on his recent tour through Ohio it
might be pardonable to suppose that
he was that states "favorite SON."
But, on the other hand. Mr.. Taft was
1uite as warmly Welcomed in Nebraska.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23

Hats off to a local statistician. He
has figured 1t UP that between the
dates of October 10 and 10, 3.242 miles
of wind passed through Topeka 1t is
particularly gratifying that this did
not all pass through Topeka in a short
space of time. If it had. there GER
tainly would have been something do
ing hereabouts
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23

There was no depression during the
past year in the oil industry. when the
production of it was the largest in it's
history. In this connection there is
good news in the fact that much of the
new oil territory discovered last year
is at present under the control of in
dependents. But the Standard Oil
company is probably busy these days
laying plans to get control of the new
outputs. Anything it especially de-
lights in are new oil fields to conquer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23
POLITICS AND SCHOOLS.

There is renewed talk of taking the
SUPPLEMENTARY of schools out of poll
tics by permitting the state board OF
education to elect him, as the state
board of agriculture elects F. D. Co
burn.
By general consent Mr.. Coburn is the
right man for his place and he will
stay there until he quits of his own
choice. If his was political position,
he would have to give way whenever
a change in parties occurs in Kansas.
Now the longer Mr.. Coburn serves,
the better is his work and the more
valuable to the state. A change would
be a calamity.
In the same way the school depart
ment should be put on a nonpartisan
basis. The state superintendent should
be kept in office just as long as he
proved progressive and his work show
ed merit
Already the university and other
state institutions are free from parti-
san politics and it will be good thing
to separate school and party in the
state superintendent.
Oklahoma begins to see this and the
criticism made by DR.. Lyman Abbott
and referred to by President Roose-
welt, while perhaps not wholly deserv-
ed, was pointed enough to make Okla
homa willing to keep her schools out
of politics.-Wichita Beacon.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

The State Journal IS a member of the
Associated Press and receives the fun day
telegraph report of that great news or
ganization for the exclusive afternoon
publication in Topeka.
The news Is received IN The State Jour-
nal building over wires Cor this sole pur-
pose.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23

Apparently the one serious objection
to wireless telegraphy-the hitherto
fact that the messages of one concern
or of one country could be tapped" or
caught from the air by any other con-
Germ or country-has been wiped off the
slate. A New Jersey youth, who is a
protege of Thomas A. Edison, is credit
ed with having invented a wireless sys-
tenn of telegraphy, whereby both the
transmission and receiving of messages
have been so perfected that both are
incapable of being tapped" That this
invention is of almost untold value is
evidenced by the fact that the young
inventor has already refused 81 900, 900
for the control of his new system.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23
Am oklahoma CURIOSITY.

OkIahO ma has made a reputation OF
going to extremes in whatever it I'M
dertakes ever since it's admission as
state. 1t now presents a citizen who
for weight and breadth probably has
no equal in the country. At a little
town called Binger there is a living GU
riosity in the person of Scholastic, an
American lCaddo Indian, who is wider
than he is long He measures feet
inches around the waist and is less
than 6 feet tall. He is 26 years of
age and weighes 626 pounds. For
obesity he is conceded to be a world
beaten, and is considering an offer to
to tour the worId.-Utica Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23

Considerable opposition seems to be
developing in various sections of the
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23

A few collisions between automo-
biles and street cars have already oc-
Cured in this city but happily none of
them has resulted seriously to the
occupants of the machines. But this
is not the strangest incident in con-
nection with these smashups. No
blame has ever been placed on the
automobile drivers or the street car
motorneers for any of them. Their
happening in all instances appears to
have been taken as a matter of course
with both sides apologizing and thank
ing each other and themselves that
the accidents were no worse. This
delightful condition of affairs might
we'll be emulated in all the activities
In the city.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23
KANSAS COMMENT
A FAMOUS CHURCH QUARREL.

In Saline county, Mo-, in farming
section, is church with a front door
SO narrow that a very fat man could
not get through it. The door was built
narrow to prevent an organ being car
ried into the church. The members
OF this church left the church to which
they originally belonged because an or
gan was purchased. To make sure that
no organ would ever be introduced in
the new church, the door was made SO
narrow that an organ could not be. car
ried in. The lot on which the new
church was built was donated by a no.
organ enthusiast, and the deed recites
that in case an organ is ever used in
the church. the lot is to become the
property of the original owner, or his
heirs. The quarrel over the organ con-
tinued 20 years before the anti-organ
wing finally seeded, and built church
of their own.-Atchison Globe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23

He-Oh, please. Miss Jeanne, do not call
acquaintance is so shorti Why should I
not call you that? He-Why, chiefly be-
cause my name is Dupont.-Home Maya
zine.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23

rs your husband taking much of an
interest in politics this year. mo. He
to one of the baseball grounds. "-Chicago
Record-Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23

The Mother-My little boy was rude I
know. 1 am afraid he is awfully spoiled.
The Stranger-Don't mention it, madam.
IT Is betetr that he should be spoiled than
thought that he is different from all other
American children.-Life.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23

When see what Barlow accomplishes
l am forced to admiration" said Bunting.
He has great physical endurance" YES"
replied Gangoyle. That man has the con-
stituuon of a debutante."-London Tele-
graph. -.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23

Bennys mother took him on Saturday
afternoon to the Natural History Rooms
on Brooklyn street. When they arrived
home Benny blurted out: "Oh, papa, we
had grand time. Mamma and I went to
a dead circus. Boston Transcript.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23

Nell-Mrs. Buggins says she hates to
have her husband out of her sight. Belle
he must be a very good husband or a very
bad one.-Philadelphia Record.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23

Mulligan-The byes say We licked poor
Casey Shure, he niver hurt my manns
feelin's. Harrigan-He's a snake in the
grass. The blackguard referred to me as
his contemporary. and I'll be the con-
umperary to no man livin'.-Puck.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23

Dorothys mother found her with an
alarm clock on her foot, and the alarm
set for o'clock. We'll. for goodness
sake. Dorothy. what mischief are you up
to now?' why. mother, I'm not in any
mischief but my foot's asleep and 1 want
to wake 1t up."-Puck
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23

Intelligent Rescuer Ito skater who has
fallen through)-Steady, old man, steady!
Keep cool.-London Bystander.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23

lie see said Mrs. Starvem that GER
tain scientist claims Wen soon get pala--
the cranky boarder, cit seems impossible
to get 1t out of board. "-Philadelphia
Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23

Gertrude Coghlan recently told a good
one of a very young friend of hers who
had been whipped. NOW" said his
mother. tell me why I punished your
That's it, said Johnny you nearly
pound the life out of me and now you
don't even know why you did it."-October
Young's Magazine.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-23

Neighbor-I want to ask IL you'd mind
not using that worm exterminator you've
bought for your garden. Suburbanite-
And why not, pray? Neighbor-Weil, you
see. I'm planning to keep chickens.-Judge
The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1908-10-23

Elsewhere in this issue of The
Herald and News we publish letter
from tl"n. William jennings BRYAN,
'''m"'raf'" n"mlnc" for the prcsi-
drn'\, addressed to County Chairman
fr'd. II. D"minirk, urging Ncwbcrrv
Democrats /" aid the Democratic
cause and I" vote in the general clcc-
tl"n. Mr.. Bryan : reasons for dcSir-
III" Il fnll vote ought to appeal to
every rlcrt"r in Ncwbcrry county,
and we hope a full vote will be east
Tor IN" national. State and county
tickets.
The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1908-10-23

Game Warden J. w. Henderson an
n"unr"S elsewhere in this issue of
Thc Herald and News that the game
laws will be strictly enforced in New
berry county. and that any persons
Sh""tin" birds. before the season
opens. on November L.. will be prose-
rnlrd under The game laws.
The game laws ought TO be strictly
"nl"rr"d' and all true sportsmcn
"nght I" help in their enforcement.
I" shoe, birds before The season
opens is not fair either to the birds
or to those hunters who observe ihC
law. Il Is not true sport.