The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1908-08-21
the ESSENCE
OF BASEBALL
a German Manager Had II
Canned and It Worked
Beautifully Until

pursuing IainboNS is no more futile
than trying to fix the limit in baseball"
said the veteran manager to a crescent of
fans. Il have been on the firing line in SO
many hard campaigns that i began TO
think that / was qualified to play the hero
part in almost any sort of sketch that
could be put on a diamond.
But l met a parophrase of the game
last season that had me laughing at ex-
perience and apologi2ing to pride for hav-
Ing got so familiar. Canned baseball was
what he'd me guessing.
Never heard of it? 1t was a novelty
for me too.
II was managing a team In a six club
western state league. My bunch, the
slagtown Beauts. were flirting with first
place. An the teams We're PLAYING very
decent bail except the one ct the bottom
of the list.
THAT aggregation trailed so far behind
the rest we almost forgot they We're in the
league. The season was nearly over and
their percentage was .N3. They were
called the Salmon Sliacrs.
"They hadn't Won a game in so long that
When they did get one ON a forfeit every
body forgot and it was Officially challled
Reauts upon the Sliders' stamping ground
1 had already figured out how much that
game would boost our percentage column
The Siiders had q new manager. a Ger
man named Gestochen. but that didn't
kink my calculations. for 1 knew that
bunch had the losing habit plaslered on
so it couldn't be pried off. The Sliders
performed so badly in practice that We
wondered how they acquired that COS.
Just as the game was about to start
Gestachcn began TO do things that had us
thinking question marks. He gathered
ms mlstits around a table filled with tin
cans. l hurried over 10 see what he WAS
going TO pun off. Nine cans We're in a
row. and each WAS labelled with the name
OF a famous PLAYER.
~ hat discofered,' he was saving, the
essence of baseball. Zach of desc greet
blazers hat se-s;udied und ge-talkca to,
the greatness of each.'
II was plain that he had broken furni-
ture in his top floor front. hut l stuck
around to see how far lac would go.
"Gestochen picked up a can marked
Hans Wagner. II had Il little nozzle ard
TO THIS the shortstop Applied his nose and
Inhaled big whitfs. The catcher took
several wheezee from a can labelled Bres-
nahan.
The pitcher had a hearty snufrle from Il
Christy Matlewson can. avery man of
them shifted up Il lnngful from the can
hitting his position. L told the Bcauts
! about the weird doings, and we got ready
to give the Slidors the multiple laugh.
"The Sliders We're the first to man the
field. The pitcher slammed in the first
pall SO hard 1t was an indefinite white
stfeak. Our batter was still dazed when
the next fling knocked his bat two yards
49," ""A wv bCllNStch u course lHlO
the catcher's hands. A third strike was
In the receiving NIT almost before the
batter knew it had started.
we were a little uneasy, but the next
man was a big fellow with armor plate
nerve. The pitcher didn't turn on quite
SO much speed, and he pasted the ball.
1t shot ahead like a 1lrupp projectile, but
the pitcher lifted it out OF the air as If
he were pluckirg a hucklnberry.
Our next man smashed out one of the
longest hits ! ever saw. 1t was Il great
biff, and started to sail 20 feet over the
center field fence.
THAT center fielder ran like six cylin-
ders. When he saw the ball was going
outside of the lot he Skinned up the pen
nant pole and caught the whlzzing pellet
With one hand As feet above the ground.
These occurrences had me thinking all
over the lot and my players We're prod
clng one another to see If they weren't
dreaming. ! told them to brace UP and
said We could beat the Siiders on their
weak hitting.
But before the Beauts had got to their
posts Gestochen got out a huge can
marked Batting Each Slider before he
went up to the plate snorted his chest
full. l groaned and my apprehens!ons
We're unhapp'ly realized.
The terrific way they pasted the ball
was heartbreaking. If / told YOU about If
you would accuse me OF lunching on
opium. l had my outf1elders back until
they were humping the fence and we final
ly retired the side on fly balls. But their
earned run total was bigger Than either
you or | get q week and six balls had been
knocked soft and lopsided.
In the next inning their pitcher had
tremendous speed. but he was wild. He
started in with three bases on balls.
Gestochen was wriggling.
leone in und hat some more Chrjsty.'
he yelled.
"The pitcher ran to the bench and took
a huge nasal swig from the M%athewson
can. No sooner was he on the slab than
he threw suddenly to first. Our men
were leading of with caution, but that
ball went from pitcher to first. to second
and to third like lightning, and all three
were stung.
For seven Innings the sIiders PLAYED
like the greatest team in existence null
tiplied by II. Some Of the plays they
pulled OFF were ultrabaseball.
A at once we noticed that Gestochen
was getting nervous. When the sliaers
went for their gaseous tipple before the
eighth there wasn't any left. He had
certainly USED 1t prodigally.
But we couldn't gee what should so
muss his composure. for he had the game
| clinched. Nevertheless he was going into
srasm of agitation.
The Slidere took the field with a little
less alacrity. The pitcher threw down
four slow balls and then another quartet
OF still slower ones.
Our next batter hit a fly to right. The
fielder started after It. but fell down in
his tracks. He didn't get up. Then the
rest of the Sliders began to stagger and in
three minutes the entire bunch were snor-
ing and dead to the world.
I'VE all made a rush for those cans. A
young medico on my team grabbed one
and shifted.
"rEther!!' he shouted.
THAT was the answer. Those cans
were filled with ether and the Sliders had
ether jags. AS long as the buns lasted
the Sliders were world beaters. But
Gestochen used the dope up too fast and
when the supply was shut off the quick
reaction set in and 1t was all over"
| Four thousand nine hundred dollars for
one sermon! It's enough to make even the
| most prosperous clergyman envious. That
was the fee that the preacher at Elberfeld.
in Prussia, received for his sermon on
IIr,.l4...aaa. url,iol, Lated 49,.