davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08
A Scientific RUDE.

fIolu tile. New York sun
we We're sitting around the stove
IN the bar of the little hotel in q Maine
town." writes an electrical salesman il,
the Electrical Review when the cleo
trio lights flickered and went out
Prom the darkness came a solemn
voice that said
Electric lights All out, b'gosh and
Vet ii amt blogvin' hare! either. Some-
Trims happened To the dynamo may
be-.
II had been selling electrical sup
plies to the little lighting companies
for several months. bur had never
heard this particular idea expressed
before.
Il laughed long and loud and was
all the more amused when no one
joined me.
After they had lighted a big kcro-
sene lamp l proceeded to explain to
the crowd that incandescent lamps
can't be blown out by the wind When
I had finished. the old rube Who had
commented on the lights said.
Look here. young man, If you knew
q little somethin' about local conditions
and about your own business you'd
know that the wires I'm this township
are hung up slack on the poles In some
places and they get to slatting In a
breeze. When they do there's {, short
circuit that puts the line out of busi-
ness"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08
NO LONGER A MISSION LAND.
Change in Status of Catholic Church
in the United States.
" ~ '>SN O&sS9.
From tbe Chicago liner (lco.,


The United States. by decree OF the
pope taking effect shortly. Is no lon
ger missionary jurisdiction of the
Roman Catholic church. For purposes
of ecclesiastical administration the
United States. together with Canada
and Newfoundland. Great Britain and
Holland, Is removed from tho control
OF the congregation of the propaganda,
words, the United States Ia canon
law as we'll as In fact Is recognized
rs IL christian" country.
Doubtless there are some Professionals
who may ask by what right the United
States has for the last 200 years at
least, been regarded as anything but a
Christian country. The distinction
may be regarded as one of the nice
outlets of. the canon or church law.
However, the same distinction is OBJ
served by those Protestant bodies
which maintain their Emissions in
i4atin America and in various European
countries including Italy.
American Roman Catholics Will nat
urally be pleased with the change for
two sets of reasons. one of th,sS, is,
sentimental. 1t pleascs to know that
they are no longer regarded as needing
any special guardianship by the high
est authorities of their church. The
other is practical The process of 50
lection OF bishops and archbishops IL
siuplified. The mines OF the Gaiidi-
dates GU directly Ia the pontiff with
out passing through the mission board
And certain litigations VIII reach the
court OF final appeal without delay in
am Intermediate tribunal.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08
Thibetan Bible a Hugh Book.

Tine Kah-gyur, or Thibetan bible CON
sists Of 10S volumes of 1000 pages each.
containing 1883 separate books Each
of the volumes weighs 10 pounds, and
forms package of 26 inches long, eight
inches broad and eight inches deep.
This bible requires dozen yaks for its
transport, and the carved wooden
blocks from which 1t is printed need
rows of houses like city for their
storage. A tribe of Mongols paid 1000
oxen for copy of this bible In adj
dition to the bible there are 225 volumes
of commentaries. which are necessary
for its understanding. There IL also
. large collection Of revelations which
supDboanent the bible
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08
Tall Corn in Georgia.

From the Wlnder. Ca, News.
We were telling Il party of town
farmers" the other day about the fell
low who had corn so tall and thick that
he stopped ploughing at 5 o'clock in the
afternoon. thinking the sun was down,
when Uncle MacCamp handed us this:
corn once that beat anything l ever
heard of. Bod Carithers told me that
he was out one night coon hunting,
when his dogs struck a cat. The dogs
chased the cat to my corn patch and
freed him on Il cornstalk. The cat
was sitting safely on an ear of corn
while the hounds howled beneath Bob.
who is six feet two, says he could not
reach the cat with an AK handle'
We give up, but we know a fellow
who has corn so tall that he has to
chop down the stalks to get roasting
oars
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08
Ask YourDenlcr cor A.Ien !. Eoot-En.e
Irving and the Critic.


There was considerable rivalry be
tween the two English actors Sir
Henry Irving and Beerbohm Tree, Just
about the time that both of them were
springing into prominence Now it hap
pencd. at the height Of the fcud. that
a play was submitted To Sir Henry
Irving in which he as leading man.
was required to ride q donkey In the
second act. In spite of this feature,
the play SO Impressed Sir Henry that
he accepted 1t and starting rchearsing
at once.
AS the time for the dress rehearsal
approached. Sir Henry put an adver-
tisement III London paper for "a
donkey with stage experience. The
following day Il cockney appeared at
the stage door leading by the bride
a very foriorn looking, half starved
jackass.
Hi cine to sec Sir 'Enry about the
bloomin donkey" he announced
Sir Henry was sent for at once to
Interview the applicant for the posi-
ton.
HAS the donkey ever had stage cx-
pericncc?' queried Sir Henry.
''Oh. yes, me l4ud." replied the cock
ney. but want to be frank with YOU
before you engige i'm. He acted with
Mr.. Tree
Indeed" snid Sir Henry. with a
sheer
But 1 want to tell you the rest. me
Mr.. Trees solioquy. the ass 100 was
in the wings. lad the indiscretion tic
bray"
"Ah. a critic. too.' remarked Sir
Henry and he engaged the donkey at
once.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08
Turn About.

Mrs. Phelps Stokes. at dinner in
New York condemned the customary
treatment of domestic servants.
"On account of this treatment" she
said, Intelligent young men and wom-
EN- keep out of domestic service de-
spite the good pay and the comfort.
But who can blame them? In court
of law, one day. u man cook was tes-
Itifyng. and, simply because he was q
cook. everybody there from the Judge
down to the cryer. felt entitled TO call
him by his first name. Had he been
a cart driver, they would have called
him Mr. Smith. But, no, he was in
domestic service.
= young governess. a Nassar girl,
turned to me during the trial and said
that she. as a governess, met with
just such treatment on all sides. She
said that. on the lawn OF her country
home. her mistress once introduced her
to n gentleman.
Miss Jones so the introduction
concluded, is our governess, you know
The governess looked at her mis-
sress expectantly. as 1T waiting for
something.
And, she said-1 beg pardon-but
what does the gentleman do?
What do you mean said the mis-
tress haughtily.
"'You have told him my occupa-
ton said the governess. Now I want
to know his, so that the acquaintance
may start fair''
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08
Grit Wasn't Needed.

From Judge.
A young colored man asked permits
sion of his employer to use the tcle-
phone. as he wished TO speak to Il
colored girl employed ut another resi-
dence. Upon receiving consent. he ex-
planned: "You see, it's dis way I
loves dat gal am wants to ask her to
marry me, but. fore de Lord amt
got de grit to ask her word out OF
mouth an 50 l wants to use de phone,
I'll Jest c;lll her up
Hello, Is dat Dinah."
mo: will call her
Hello. Dat you, Dnah?"
Yeas"
.Dinah YOU know thinks heep
OF you"
Yeas.
AN | been tryin' to make YOU think
u he.p of me.
AN j more aen thinks a hcep of
You loves you. Dinall.'
Yeas"
Now Dinah-I- or want 10 ask
you If YOU will marry me-
Yeas, indeedy. Who is dis what's
talkin TO me-"
Ask YnurDenlcr FOR Aliens Enot-Ense
A powder 10 shake into your shoes 1t rests
the feet Cures Corns. Buninns, Swollen,
Sore. Hot. Gallons. Aching. Swenting feet
and In.rowing Nails. Aliens Foot Ease
makes new or tight shoes easy. Sold by all
Druggists and Shoe Stores. 25c. Sample
mailed FREE. Address Allen S. Olmsted.
Lc Roy, ~ Y.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08
A canny parson.
From the Washington star

From The washington Star
Cyrus Townsend Brady. the author
and clergyman. told /, story about cl;ts-
ity.
"A millionaire" said DR.. Brady. LAY
dying. He had led a life of which, as
he now looked back at it, he felt none
too proud. To the minister at his bod
side he muttered weakly:
II leave IL hundred thousand dol
lars or so to the church will my saliva
ton be assured
1.-The minister answered cautiously:
z Il wouldn't like to be positive. but
It's we'll worth trying
Copper, Vulcan. the mutimillion dollar
key mine to Lawson's Trinity. National
and Balaklala, Shelters. Exploration
stock &c Will advance 1000 per cent and
again. "Brains and Bullion ready to
mail you. Shasta Brokerage Co. buns
muir. Cal
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08

The gloom of night Is dense and deep:
Rough is the path as we grope along;
Courage. heart, as the shadows creep
This is the matin song:
After the night is noon;
After the journey rest:
The world will wake in gladness soon.
And the heart that sings is blestI
The glare of the sun is hard and hot;
The road is dusty, the way Is long:
Shift your burden and heed II not
This Is the evensong:
After the noon Is night:
After the journey, rest:
bright,
And the heart that sings is blest.
-0sAco Duftieh Goodwin.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08

had to give up. | took
to my bed and stayed
there -four months, suf-
fcring intense pain,
dizziness, headache and
inflammation of the
bladder. Though with
out hope, 1 began us
ing Doan's Kidney
Pills and in three
months was complete
ly cured. The trouble
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08
Not an yp-to- Date Church.

TUT k5uOCcs''
Two colored sisters living In n sub
urban town met on the street one day.
and Sister Washington, who had re-
Gently joined the church. was describ
Ing her experiences.
Deed, Mrs. .Johnsing. Use jined the
Baptist church, but l couldn't do all
the jining here. cause they had to tax.
me to the city church to baptize mo.
You know there amt no pool room in
the church here.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08
Put More In.
From the DelIneator

One morning, just before starting TO
school, little Robbie, aged 6 years, was
watching his mamma put up his noon
lunch. Suddenly he said: "Manma, /
wish you'd let Katie put up my lunch
instead of dom il yourself. Won't
you?"
ITS no trouble, my DEAR
II know"
Then why"
appetite than you, an she puts more
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08
Very Poor Actors.

Mrs. Kidder-The play is very real
istic. The actors are actually shooting
at each other.
Mr. kidder--It isn't realistic enough.
Mrs. Kidder-How so?
Mr.. Kidder-None of the actors are
getting killed
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08
HUGE Channel Ferry so.+s.

Several very large and stanch car
ferryboats are being built for the Eng
lish channel. Each boat will be able
to carry 16 cars. freight or passenger:
and they will be operated between
Dover and Calls.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08
RAISED FROM SICK BED

After All Hope Had vnni.hed.
Mrs. ]. II. Bennett. 30 Fountain ST.
Gardiner. Me-. says: My back used to
trouble me so severely that at last /
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08
allmarks of Civilization.

F'ronl thc Monlreal I3aily Slll'
The leadership of a great city Is
shown i'm many fields. 1t dominates
art; ii is apt to draw to ii most of the
literary activity it contains the cir;.-
matte field; 1t is usually .tn education
center. In these respects London is
England and Paris France. 1t must
be admitted that the stamps of Lon
don and Paris are the "halinaiis" of
civilization in most things.
Ee-Tcs. dear, l was born not five
miles from here
she Now / can account for that ex-
precision OF yours. when YOU say wish
you'd never been born"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08
Great Homo Eye Remedy.

for all diseases Of the eye. quick relief
from using PE1sTIT.S EYE SALvE. All
druggists or Howard Bros, Buffalo. N. Y.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08

Sold hy all dealers 80 cents box.
FosteINl ilburn Co.. Buffalo, n. Y.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08
Saint r. 4. S.

Nyrx. Winslo.y.s ,ooru1sa syRvA nor ohiId1sn
ceethinR; softeEs the gums, INFLAMMATION Az
Nys pain. cures wind rr,'c ns cert- . h.,.tle
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08

Here's another tale of the canny Scot.
For once the American had discov
cred something British that was better
than anything they could produce
across the pond His discovery was
fine collie dog, and he at once tried
to induce its owner. an old shepherd.
to sell IT.
"Wad yet be talsin' him to America =,
inquired the old Scot.
Il thocht us mucklc." said the shep-
herd. Il couldna PART wi Jock
But while they sat and chatted an
English tourist came up, and to him
the shepherd sold the collie for much
less than the American had offered
You told me YOU wouldn't sell him. =
said the Yankee, when the purchaser
had departed.
Ma replied the Scot; 81 said I
couldna' PART WI him. Jock'll be back
in day or so. but he couldna' swim
the Atlantic"
The Heritage.
Down the centuries a-line. arrow
Grandmothers, grandfathers. belle and
beau,
Puritan. vagabond. gypsy, peer.
Barefooted earle or cavalier;
Bone OF the mountains. blood of the sea-
Reaching down through the years To me.
Bravely and surely. as one kept his sword
Unsheathed for the king in Naseby fight
Steadfastly-purely. as one kept his word
A Puritan word in battle for right:
Puritan courage and cavalier pride
The ages have siftcd their dust away:
Dead are the causes for which they died.
But it's their love I give thee, dear. to-
Edna s. Valentine. in success Magazine
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08

A marble bas-relief communicating thu
great fire in New York in 1885 forms a
part Of a building IN one of the old streets
of the city not far from East river water.
front, but it is seldom seen, MS it stands in
the shadow OF the Third avenue elevated
line lust below the track
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08

Suitry and traZen was the August .ay
When Sister Stanislaus came down TO
SEES
knee.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08

The German soldier must be an ex,
pert swimmer.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08

But he had naught with which to pay,
So sadly turned and plned away.
While later she put ON the ring
And wed Il famous Timber King
Whose name as have understood,
Was 0akleigh Hawthorne Underwood
And now the pear. he and his peach.
Are living down at Iienlock Beech
Horace Dodd Gastit. in Success Maya
zine
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08
Their canny Game.

Mrs. Bronson-Yes. 1 always put up
twice as much canned fruit az 1 use
Mrs. Woodson-What do you do with
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08

Mrs. Bronson--Why. nobody ever
seems to believe have such luck with
my canning, and l have to send each
one of the doubters can to prove my
claim
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08
SKIN TROUBLES CURED.
First Had Itching Ra.h-rbrea,.n.a
Later with Blood-roi.on in Leg

First Had Itching Raah-Threntened
Later with Blood-Poisou fn Leg
Relied ON Cuttcura Nemedi~s
About twelve or fifteen years ago
had breaking out. and it itched.
and stnng so badly that l could not
have any peace because OF it, Three
doctors did not help me. Then used
some Cuticura Sonp, Cnticura Oint-
ment. and Cuticura Resolvcnt and
began to get better right away. They
cured me and have not been bothered
with the itching since to amount to
anything About two years ago had
In grippe and pneumonia. which left
me with a pain in my side Treatment
ran it into my leg, which then swclled
and began to break out. The doctor
was afraid 1t would turn to blood
poison. used his medicine. but it did
no good then used the Cuticura Rem
edics three times and cured the break
ing-out on my leg. !. +. iIennen.
Milan, Mo-, May ID, 1907
1t was at the American Medical as
''ONistsAoH Niltil AIi. loeINOu lllluc NnlS
novel statement:
But men worship beauty They
marry for beauty. When a man mar
ries woman for her mind he Is
deemed eccentric. even foolish.
"A Chester lawyer married n young
woman OF exquisite mind-a thin. big
headed girl In spectacles He would
never suffer from auto-intoxlcation, no
doubt of that. A friend from the east
was Introduced to the lady one NIGHT
and later ON the bridegroom said to
him:
George. what do you think of
herr
George puffed thoughtfuny on his
cigar.
WELL he said, to tell you the truth.
she isn't much to look at. is She
The husbands face fell.
All, but he said eagerly what a
mind she has! Externally. perhaps,
she isn't all that could be desired; but
within--ah. George. she has a beautiful
mind
George smiled.
""rhen have her turned. he said
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08

WE SELL GUNS AND TRAPS CHEAP
& buy Furs 4 Hides. Write for catalog 1O5
N. w. Hide \ Fur Co.. Minneapolis Mimi.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08


And as she thought to find him. so lie lay:
Still staring, through the dizzy waves
of heat,
Az the tall tenement across the street.
But did he see that e.reary picture? Nay.
In his minds eye Il sunlit harbor
showed,
Where a tain pirate ship at anchor
rode.
Vel. he was fun Ton thousand miles
away
The sister. (when she turned his pill
low over
Kissed Treasure Island on its we'll
worn Govern
Sarah N cleghorn. in the September
Atlantic.
,,,; An old maid doesn't like to be
l.ucon,c ..I,caaedy, and c.h.r Investment. aus.
Lawson ; i.sed lI...e,ed. boiled domr g stamp
toossf.. MARK T. DAVIS loos broadway, oakland,
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08
Arhorea..

MY favorie tree?" he said and aa2ed
Deep In her eyes OF blue
by some the maple sweet is praised.
But Tn content with Yew.'
That's very nice the maid replied
How sweet that voice OF hers
'Yew'd ,io likewise for me- she sighed,
IT YOU could keep me we'll supplied
With Ilrs,,,
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08
Peat Boys in Ontario.

The peat boys of the province Of ON
tario are not excelled in extent by amy
country in the world In the southern
part of the province the boys, while
not of Very large area, are of sufficient
size to be the basis of q large fuel
ett J,-
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08
liuhf Comes

"Ah. critic. too remarked Sir
Henry and he engaged the donkey at
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-10-08

1t was at the American Medical as
ISOLATION that DIR. Benton made this
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1908-05-03
Umpire Of Judgment

Empires Of Judgment in matters tax
ing hold on art are not always those
who know a.Iittie OF fora. construc-
ton and the technic OF rhe thing One
may know al that and be like an apple
with but one good spot His knowi-
edge and critical acnsnan are circam-
sc-ibed and OF little value Perhaps
because Meyerteid looked from q b,sss-
ness brain through poets eyes he
graspsd the elements. o< success in his
department OF thestricals and became
readily an almost nnerring Judge OF
the value CT acts easier on that ae-
count Now he asterna1es with Martin
Beck in European trips and engages
talent in London Paris. Berlin and
anywhere else In Europe
He booked DE Do IN London the
night before he sailed for America on
his last round tip between the con-
tirentx. De sar her. liked her. dancing
and called on her behind the scenes.
He made up his mind whatessae was
worth 10 his theaters and offered that
sum- she. naturs M. thought she was
worth raore bun 1 he difference between
their estimates was slight. ana the
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1908-05-03

Then the ramifeaticns OF this busi-
ness OF. amusing the public we're gone
into. and an idea gained OF the amount
Of hard manual. clerical and statistical
work which IS back OF footiights
players ana scenery All this has been
he growth of the institution which
was once an III regulated. Isolated con
Germ There are the. photograph de-
partment. the producing department.
the press department. and nunSerless
other branches OF the enterprise. from
al CT wEfrh daily reports that read
Ike a hanks statement are made 10
the central ONCE ~ tie head o. the
railroad department Is Manager B-adv.
who for many years was railroad
Official hsgn IN trznspo-ta-ion circles
He lays out the routes for the per-
formers. conserving their tine and
making certain that thsy are landed in
the right place At the right time.
In these various preliminary depart
-nen<s an arny OF over 1000 men. is
employed This means that before the
curtain rises on an act the brains and
muscles Of Lee men have touched it
At some point or other.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1908-05-03

then proceeded to It's eacoenpli shnent-
But he had TO have -orpAsuu houses or
there would ne no chain Bcs Angeles
vas Invaded. then Kansas city next
an orpheum was opened IN Omaha.
then a long lump was made to New
Orleans: next seseusse Denver. nnnnesp-
oils. ST. Pad. salt Lake. Memphis, Oak
land. Des- sleinss., Sioux Ctr. and this
fail WI see the opening OF orpheum
houses in Portland. Seattle. spokane
and Butte IN addition 10 these the Or
pfeum has direct and innireet. interest
N vaudeville houses in chtraso.< Nil
wapkee. Cincinnati. Indianapolis and
Louisville Permanent ofzcss are es-
tahlished in London. Paris and. Ber-
lin. where agents are ON the lookout
for European acts
Are these employees in foreign lands
Americans?- asked.
Certainly they are Else they
wouldn't be in touch with what the
American public. likes We change
them around frequently and bring
them back 10 America, sending others
from our Offices here 10 take their
places We do this 50 that they wiz
remain Americans might say that
all OF them are Germens-goed Ger
nszn-Amerieans.
Today our principal business is in
the east-in New York Our Offices
there cover the entire eighth floor o.
the 81 James building Our. Chicago
offices cover the third floor OF the Ma
jestic theater building The san Fran
cisco Offices are and viii remain the
center OF the financial and-iegaI de-