davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1908-06-28

in his tub. Il can't even make one OF
you see straight"
II see straight through a man." re-
torted, when he tells me that he never
loved before"
"What?"
And that he never viii again. when
know that he is going straight from my
house to another"
i beg Of you." pleaded Diogenes.
And that 1t isn't a cocktail but sweet
cider that you smell on his breath"
You're too discerning
And that you're the only girl he ever
kissed, when the odor Of the last girls
sachet is still on his coat lapel
stop, Stop groaned the Cynic.
And that his headache comes from
overwork, and that he had to break his
engagement with you the night before in
order TO stay at the Office, and that he
learned all he knows about women from
his mother, and that the girl yoa saw him
The Washington herald., 1908-06-28

plained, and made 1t. A man thinks
he is more honorable than woman be-
cause he never does mean little things
but just mean big ones. His idea of
honor is being square with the people he
doesn't care a fig about and crooked with
the person he is supposed to care every
thing about. He has a sense Of honor
that gets out OF working condition the
minute he goes near a woman and that
he leaves behind him az the Office or his
club when he goes home nights But hon
esty begins at home, or ought TO: and the
meanest woman on earth won't lie to the
man she loves or 10 her children"
NO. retorted Diogenes ironically. .out
she'll lie about them and for them. She'll
swear 10 the whole world that the brute
who neglects her is a pattern OF tender
ness and that the son who abuses her IS
model OF virtue and
THAT isn't a lie" I said solennlv
That's "a womanismW
"oh" groaned Diogenes. leaning back
The Washington herald., 1908-06-28

"Sit down." said Dlogenes, dropping his
lantern with weary air and making
room for me on the edge Of his tub. and
make yourself quite at home Er-take
off your hat"
But" I began. protestIngly.
1T interferes with my sunlight" inter-
rupted Diogenes shortly.
And TO discuss any question" I re-
turned resignedly. pulling out my hat
pins and sticking them in my mouth,
zone must have some light on It, I sup
pose"
The Cynic raised his eyebrows dubious
ly.
Not II It's a woman" he retorted.
You can see through her just as easily
in the dark as in broad day or the rays
Of an electric arc"
That" ! reiolned boldly, rs conclu-
sive evidence that you never have seen
through her at all"
Nobody hasr' chuckIed Diogenes tri-
umphantly That's just what I mean.
And, even If a chap could manage to see
through her, he never could see all the
way around her. She's as complicated
as an adding machine. and as crooked
as an accordion plated ruffle. and as deep
as a we'll or a problem in Euclid"
I'm afraid" I said sadly. trying to
balance myself with dignity on the edge
of the tub. that your vision has become
warped by all these years of disappoint-
ment In your search for an honest man.
Perhaps il you'd turn your lantern our
way
MY dear lady" cut in Diogenes per-
emptorily Tight doesn't travel in curves
and woman is all curves from her
figure to her disposition She talks in
circles walks with a twist and ap-
proaches everything from a man to an
argument in a roundabout manner.
There's nothing straight about her. from
her hair to her principles. or from her
hat to her opinions"
Bachelors" I remarked cuttingly. al
ways talk Ike that It's their excuse 10
themselves for being too lazy or too sell
fish to support wife I suppose you
didn't want TO share your income or your
tub
Il can't afford IT," interrupted Diogenes
hastily, shifting hts eyes
I've noticed" l returned. that the
men who say they can't afford to marry
always are the ones who appear 70 be
able to afford all the other expensive
things in life. The man who hasn't any
The Washington herald., 1908-06-28
Americans &C Ahstemioun.

Every tourist from our country who
comes here says a writer in the Frem-
denblatt, tells what the Americans wear,
what they read, what they eat. and how
they do business. but they give little in
formation as 10 what the Americans
drink. In the four weeks Of my sojourn
here have discovered that the American,
he who can lay claim TO the title by vir-
tue of a three or four generation resi-
dence IN the country. is temperate and
drinks much water and comparatively
little alcohol Much Of the water is made
bad by the liberal use OF ice. In the great
restaurants where the fashionable world
assemblies II is not unusual to see tables
where there is no wine OF any kind"
The Washington herald., 1908-06-28

straightforward manner 10 a silly little
thing with a crinkIy pompadour and a
round waist and an intricate disposition
and unfathomable ways? It's mans
crooked view of us that has given US
our cue"
Your curlycue. you mean" corrected
Diogenes with a bitter laiCh And your
moral curvature Of the spine Give me
an honest out-and-out burglar I'm prefer
ence TO a person who viii sneak around
to her best friends house and steal the
pattern Of her frock and copy her hat
and purloin her secrets and blacken her
reputation and inveigle her cook or her
fiance away from her"
Nonsense" 1 protested. NO woman
with conscience"
No woman has a conscience" declared
the Cynic. and if she has it's on the
wrong side. It's against a woman's con-
science to let any other woman have any
thing better than she has herself from a
husband to hat 1t hurts her to see a
dear friend perfectly happy or perfectly
dressed, or perfectly successful Now, a
man is broad
Too broad" I exclaimed in exaspera--
tion. Ito keep in the straight and narrow
path! His principles are so high that he's
always falling Off CT them and his sense
or honor is so funny"
80 funny Diogenes turned and
stared at me-
We'll. isn't it funny" I retorted. that
a man who would commit suicide sooner
than cheat another man out of a dollar
at poker or baccarat will cheat him out
of his fortune in Wall street without the
culver of an eyelash; and that a man
who would starve sooner than steal
friends horse OF his watch will walk
right into his house and steal his wife
from under his very nose; and that man
who wouldn't break his word In business
for a million dollars will break a girls
heart or his engagement TO marry her
just for fun; and that a man who
wouldn't lie to a casual friend about
anything on earth will lie to his wife
about a little thing like a cocktail or
another woman or where he was the
night before?"
Whe'ewH' breathed Diogenes. Would
you mind putting on your hat again? It's
It's getting rather warm around here.
I thought you'd see it," I remarked
riumphantly. readjusting my Merry
Widom with a confident smile.
It's very pretty" returned Diogenes
automatically. WHO made it?"
i mean the point, not the hat" I ex-
The Washington herald., 1908-06-28
business or Religion.

A moving-picture show and full liberty
10 smoke while service" is going on are
the latest attractions offered by an Epis-
copal church in Atlantic City TO the coy
visitors. They can also pitch Off coats
and collars. and perhaps keep on their
straw hats, during the services. Re-
ligious topics Will. Il is added, be dis
cussed ''in a practical manner" This.
according to the Catholic Standard and
Times. is getting down TO business in real
fashion But is IL getting up 10 religlonP
asks that journal The idea Of religion Is
hardly that Of an amusement for tsded
appeut9s or EatSr-surfeited athlRtaA
The Washington herald., 1908-06-28
VERY QUEER HORSESHOES.

In Iceland horses are shod with sleeps
horns in the Sudan the horses are shod
with socks made Of cameIs skin. A
German not long ago invented a horse
shoe OF paper, prepared by saturadng
with oil, turpentine and other ingredi-
ents. The layers OF such paper are glued
to the hoof til the required thickness is
obtained. and the shoe thus made Is dur
able and impenetrable by moisture.
The Washington herald., 1908-06-28

mails, sagacious creatures. Dog of my
own once. pointer; surprising intellect.
Out shooting one day. Entering inclosure.
whistled; dog stopped Whistled again:
Ponto! No go; stock still. Called him,
Ponto. Ponto, No go; wouldn't move;
dog transfixed. staring at board Looked
up: saw an inscription: 'Gamekeeper has
orders to shoot all dogs found in this in
closure Wouldn't pass H. Wonderful
dog, valuable dog that, very"
Singular circumstance that" said Mr..
Pickwick. VIII you allow me 70 make a
note Of IL p
The Washington herald., 1908-06-28
Errors OF GeoEraphers.

lie finds that there are just two rivers
IN the region that rise In the Andes. the
Unilla and the Caqueta. which start close
by each other near Neiva, and flow out
ward. forming a great triangle OF land
between. All the rivers between these
two which have been mapped By the
greatest Of cartographers as rising in the
The log cabin Democrat., 1908-03-12
Get Busy.

eft costs to advertise"
 Some person says But what of that? This much IS Hat: It always pays.
The log cabin Democrat., 1908-03-12

The old man will not march to-day He meant to be in line You mind last year he stepped along so jaunty and so fine His hat atilt so boyish, his shoulders straight and square, And him near eighty but as young as any marching there? Twas yesterday his shamrock come Twas Clancy sent it hsm; And when he saw the little leaves his eyes grew soft and dim And he sat down and patted 1t like twas a baby's hair The little bit of green that came from far off County Clare. Twas like a man that had spell, the way he'd sit and look And sigh about the way it grows along the little brook That runs into the Shannon Twas the song it sang" said he, That led me to the shannon and from there across the sea. But sure this is the voice of home, grown up so sweet and clean; And like the love bear for it, still tender, young and green. It paints thousand things for mel wish that l was there; I wish that l was where they find the green in County Clare.'' And long into the night he sat adream of other days, He whispered of the boyhood paths. as one whose fancy strays Back over long forgotten fieldS-and then with eyes afiame He looked and looked into the past and whispered mothers name. "AcuShla! Norahw
 Sure twas joy that held him when
 he sighed. He dropped his head upon his arms, and dreaming so he died. And in his hand. pressed close against his locks of silver hair Was crushed the little bit of green froD far off County Clare
 -ChicagO Tribune.
The log cabin Democrat., 1908-03-12
WORTHY OF HIGHEST HONOR.
All the Christian World Is Indebted te
 St. Patrick.

St. Patrick's day brings out in bold relief the fact that one of the most warlike nations the world has ever known cherishes as it's patron saint a missionary of the Prince of Peace. St. Patrick gained undying renoWn as the personification of Irish ideals and Irish national spirit because he won Ireland for Christianity.
 If the banishing of the snakes from Erin is fable it is a fact that Patrick expelled gross superstitions and gave Ireland a new bond of unity and na- tional feeling in the form of far higher religion than the Emerald Isle had ever known If much that is myth ical and of no importance has been room for doubt that he transformed an entire country and uplifted nation.
 It appears to have been a compara- lively easy task for the ardent and gifted missionary of the church. Ire land responded to his appeals with enc of those great waves of swift en- thusiasm which have always been possible to the Warm-nedrIeQ ana quick thinking Celts. The emotion and the thought of a race moved in unison, and organism was swept away as a great wind might banish fog.
 It is a fine analogy with Irish serv- ices to the world many times sinca Patrick's day. It harmonizes perfectly with the hopes which may well be cherished for the Ireland of the future and for the children of Erin and their descendants in all parts of the world.
 Where is there not great need of high enthusiasm? Where is there not much to do for humanity that will never be done unless by the help of such. fervor and such devotion to ideals as the Irish have always been quick to show when reused to their full capacity for work which counts in the progress of the world?
 Ireland may well celebrate St. Pat rick, for the Irish race, guided and in spired by such ideals and such deeds as his, must always be a great power for good-the wide and eternal good of mankind.
The log cabin Democrat., 1908-03-12
THREE CURES OF ECZEMA.
Woman Tells of Her Brothers Terrible Sufferng-Two Babies Also Cured
 -Cuticura invaluable.

"My brother had eczema three diff ferent summers. Each summer 1t came out between his shoulders and down his back, and he said his suffering was terrible When it came on the third summer, he bought box or Cuticura Ointment and gave it faith ful trial Soon he began to feel better and he cured himself entirely of ec- zema with Cuticura. A lady in h. diana heard of how my daughter, Mrs Miller, had cured her little son of terrible eczema by the Cuticura Remedies. This lady's little one had the eczema so badly that they thought they would lose it. She used Cuti- cura Remedies and they cured her child entirely, and the disease never came back. Mrs. Sarah E. Lusk. Cold water Mich, Aug. 15 and Sept 2, 1907."
The log cabin Democrat., 1908-03-12

Twas the days of the hedge-school; {;
 Mullarky was then At the side of the ditch the most
 dreaded of men. Sure the flight of the bird, or the
 speed of the hare To watch for moment there's no one
 would dare. An when circles and squares on the
 dirt he would trace, Twas amazin' the larnin' that showed
 in his face, While the thoughts that revolved in
 his towsy ould head Were deep and tremendous, himself
 often said. Religion, of coorse, was a thame he
 well knew, Not your new-fangled notions, but stuff
 that was true. Wid that he taught love for the sacred
 ould sod, Thus helpin' his kind, an so plasin his
 God Nov the seventeenth of March, reclk-
 oned then by old style, The jewel of days in the darling ould
 isle, Was approachin an so the good mas
The log cabin Democrat., 1908-03-12
Rallyhooley "Lemonade."

A joke was played on Arthur Balfour on the first St. PatriCk's day of his tenure of the Irish chief secretary ship. A cigar box, delivered to him at the house of commons, contained a bunch of shamrocks, From a sincere Irish admirer.' But, to the terror of his secretaries, the box was also found to contain a wicked-looking steel spring, covered with a queer white compound A chemical expert was called and he examined the internal machine ne"-everybody momentarily ex- pecting an explosion. The puzzled chemist, venturing to put particle of the compound on his tongue, found that it was simply sugar impregnated with lemon. He then turned the box upside down and out rolled a rusty corkscrew, a spiral spring and an old nutmeg grater. There was also a scrap of paper inscribed: Buy the whisky yourself; you can then con coct the famous lemonade of Bally- hooley and drink to ould Ireland"
The log cabin Democrat., 1908-03-12
A Little Too Soon.

Sam Jackson's wife was to be buried this afternoon and the bereaved col ored man was shaking with grief over the coffin, when a comedy young darkey maiden stepped over to his side and said, tenderly:
 Don't, Mistah Jackson; yo' mus try an bear up. Let me help yo' to fo'get,"
 "Oh, Miss Johnson," uttered the weeping man, between sobs, it am berry kind in yo' t offah such consola. tion, but ah mus wait till aftah de fun'ral befo' ah engages in marriage talk! Sunday Magazine.
 Only unselfishness wins affection; only toll achieves success; it is only the courageous heart that does brave deeds.-T. Farquharson.
The log cabin Democrat., 1908-03-12
"Apostle of JoN."

The shamrock, the small white clo- yer of Ireland, is associated with St. Patrick from the day on which he used the trefoil to illustrate the doc Urine of the Trinity. It is interesting to know that the Arabic name for the trefoil is "shamrakh," and that it is held sacred in Iran as emblematical of the Persian triads. Pliny comments on the fact that serpents are never found near the trefoil leaf.
 The course of St. Patrick through Ireland, England, Scotland and Wales may be traced by the existence of places named after him. Legends abound without number, each adding to the love and veneration investing this saint, who was in truth an apostle of good works and joy.
The log cabin Democrat., 1908-03-12
THE DOCTORS GIFT,
Food Worth Its Weight in Gold.

We usually expect the doctor to put us on some kind of penance and give us bitter medicines.
 A Penn. doctor brought a patient something entirely different and the results are truly interesting.
 Two years ago." writes this pa. tient, T was frequent victim of acute Indigestion and biliousness be- ing allowed to eat very few things. One day our family doctor brought me a small package, saying he had found something for me to eat, at last.
 He said it was a food called Crane. Nuts, and even as its golden color might suggest, it was worth it's weight In gold. l was sick and tired. trying one thing after another to no avail but at last consented to try this new food.
 Well! 1t surpassed my doctors fondest anticipation and every dav since then l have blessed the good doctor and the inventor of Crane. Nuts.
 T noticed improvement at once and in months time my former spells of Indigestion had disappeared. In two months l felt like a new man. My brain was much clearer and keener. my body took on the vitality of youtb, and this condition has continued"
 There's a Reason" Name given by Postum Co.,, Battle Creek, Mich. Read The Road to Wellville." in pkgs.
The log cabin Democrat., 1908-03-12

The greatest good in any life is the loss of greed
The log cabin Democrat., 1908-03-12
The Son of Ham.

During a revival in Texas said Philip R. Bangs of Toledo, O., his turn for a story having come, "a negro was reputed to have had visions about Heaven and hell. His boss called him up and interrogated him as to what he saw in both places, and first as to what the white men and darkies were doing in Heaven. Lord, boss, the white men was all a-tilting back in their chairs, with their heels on the banisters, a-smoking cigars, and the niggers was down on their knees a. shining up their golden slippers Then as to what was going on at the other place. Elf you believe me, boss, every single white man had nigger in his hands a-holdn' him up between him and the flames '"-Washington Her ald
The log cabin Democrat., 1908-03-12
to Bally- gs,

From the Gap of Dunloe to the Glen O
 the Downs, And Sheb-na-mon grandly Killarney 5
 lake crowns. There was rootin' an preachin' an
 laughter an prayer, No wonder for Satan to leave must
 prepare. For barrin' the Saxon and whisky I'll
 say Saint Patrick has rid us of evil to-day. So now you all know how the snakes
 met their doom, And the class will its studies in Gaelic
 resume.
The log cabin Democrat., 1908-03-12

durst complain Though the land were his own and his
 fathers domain. It was sacred and then for the sake
 of his sowl, He must part wid it, barrin' sigh or
 a growl. Then the snakes represented were
 holy likewise An bit at their will all the colleens
 an byes. Well, the pigs went to rootin' bedad
 it was fun To watch the ould Druids when their
 ruin begun. Wid faces Of fury and hearts full of
 hate They would curse the dear pigs, I'm
 ashamed to relate. They invoked all the planets and far
 as they knew, The fixed stars and comets, the sun
 and moon, too. Next the WralthS that 1nnaDlt the
 winds and the floods, Then they danced holy jigs in the
 scantieSt of dudS. But the pigs took no notice, but ate all
 the more, And the Druds saw Fate was now
 hard by the door. Then they prayed to the giants that
 ravaged the Isle When ten foot of spine was the height
 of the style. There was one who from Mona oft
 waded to Wales, And one who in coughin' produced the
 wild gales. Another in sport tried to bridge the
 broad say, The Causeway in Ulster bears witness
 today Then the one who at PoWerscourt
 drank up the fall, An the one who complained Devils
 Bowl' was too small. The priests cursed the pigs loud and
 long, but no matter, On the snakes and their eggs they
 grew fatter and fatter. Oh, those were great times when the
 factions forgot What side they were of, and what side
 they were not The thousand would follow all jeerin'
 the while Tho Druidc who oon1d fbop, m 1opoar
 beguile. When rivers they'd reach as the Bann
 or the Boyne, Baptized, they the ranks of believers
 would join. It was Patrick alanna, me turn at ys
 plaise Wid guyin' an Gospel the land was
 ablaZe. Such dippin' an plungin', baptizin,
 confessin', Such prayin' an preachin', such prim-
 pin an dressin'. It was good for their souls and their
 bodies by token The record for bathing his saintship
 had broken, And thousands who'd never been lath-
 cred or rubbed, Had their skins an their sowls now
 most thoroughly scrubbed. For the saint told them plainly for e'er
 they were shriven, That nothing onclanely was welkim
 in heaven. So the pigs ate the snakes and rooted
 up eggs From the round hill of Howth down
 to Bally kil-begs,
The log cabin Democrat., 1908-03-12

an byes.
 ther once more Gaye taste to the byes av his lagends an lore. Patrick banished the snakes and the sinners, you know, To . place where I hope there will none of us go. . That's the lagend accepted, but have 1t right A tale that bates that out O mind, out O sight. At Tara he preached to the king and the chiefs His Decalougues, Catalogues, Psalms and beliefs. Once the king says to Patrick, "The Druids all say That you're settin the minds of me Firbolgs astray. How can one be in three, and be one all the time?- Come, laddy buck, answer in prose or in rhyme" That's aisy,'' says Patrick, this dear little plant, (Praise God. twill be famous the oceans beyanD- Has stalk all in one, but divides into three; Yet the shamrock is one, three in one, don't you see?" ''Bedad" says the king, that bangs Banagher sure. Now, byes (to the Druids), ye now have the fiure." But the sorra a word could those clargymin find; So from then his respect for the Druids declined. Now, Patrick, me byes, you need scarcely be tould, Was funny an tricky, though holy an bould.
 whip hand Bcthought him of blessings he'd show CT on the land. To the king then says he, For the favors you've shown, I'll put e'er back and new legs to your throne. (Not manin' the taste disrespect, but you see The preachers don't speak such plain Irish as wei. In youth a spalpeen taught me herdin' of swine Your maiestys pardon, the fault was not mine. Let me here introduce the boneen an I'll go bail, Over the evils of Erin the pig will pre- vail" Now the Druids held sarpints as sa- cred, you see; In England they larned that, betune you an me. They would cast up in line sometimes nearly mile The sods all as one as sarpints pro file.
The log cabin Democrat., 1908-03-12
Every I over of Good Music

should take advantage of the offer the Jerome II Remick Co. of New York make in the advertising columns Of this paper to send for p cents the words and music of nine of the best pieces of the Merry Widow Opera, all the rage at present in London, Paris and New York.
The Cairo bulletin., 1908-07-04
Why Bill Was Saved

George Barnes, a noted evangelist,
tells an amusing story of the attempt
Ell conversion of a hard-fsted old
mountaineer in Kentucky. who had re-
sisted all missionary efforts directed
toward him "Bilf' was extremely
stubborn, and. in addition, possessed
various other unlovely qualities that
caused his neighbors much concern.
A final attempt was made by a leading
citizen to restore BIZ to the faith Of
his childhood.
Bill. said this well meaning man,
do you mean to tell me that you amt
teched by the story of the Saviour
that died TO save your sins?' Where
upon "Bill" demanded aggressively:
DO you try to tell me that Jesus
Christ died to save me when he never
seed me and never knowed me-"
Bill, responded the neighbor In
disgust. lit wuz a burned sight easier
fur the Lord to die fur you because
he never seed you than if he knowed
you as well as we all do."-Rochester
Herald