davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal., 1908-07-18
GLOBE SIGHTS.
tFrom the Atchison Glt

tFrom the Atchison Globe.1
Men are always wondering how
women keep their hair up.
Every man who works at all, works
too hard to fool his money away.
!! You are very lucky II YOU can send
a bill to a man without making him
mad.
After all, there is nothing quite so
funny as an amateur wearing a uni
form.
There are very few sisters Of limit
ed means who do not pool their
clothes.
What has become of the old fash
oned man who referred to the sheriff
as "the high sheriff."
When a man is rushed with work,
he spends his time trying to hire a
man instead of working himself
A woman who will tell friend she
looks we'll in an unbecoming hat will
talk about her friends behind their
backs.
a fashion plate. that with all their
trying. men and women can not make
themselves look like one.
In every house where tho girls are
| under sixteen, or past twenty-six. the
parlors are unoccupied except fol-
church socials or funerals.
A farmer was in town today de-
manding credit for working last Sun.
day. Why should he receive credit
He put Up his own hay.
Her furniture" said an Atohison
woman in speaking Of another. "all
looks as though 1t had been given
away as prizes at some store.''
A widower who was married recent
| ly for the third time, and whose bride
| had been married once before herself
| wrote across the bottom of the wed.
ding invitations: "Be sure and come;
| this is no amateur performance"
An Atchison man who recently went
visiting sat down to q course dinner
every day, which made him so nervous
as he feared all the time that he
| might not be acting right. Afterwards
he learned that the host was not ac-
| customed to that kind of dinner, but
thought his guest was, so they were
| both frightened and neither enjoyed
their meals.
The Topeka state journal., 1908-07-18
QUAKER MEDITATIONS.
[From the Philadelphia Record.

IFrom the Philadelphia Record.l
The fellow who shouts his patriot
ism from the housetops will often
dodge his taxes.
To close your eyes to your own
faults doesn't make other people
equally blind.
Any woman will tell you that to suf-
fer in silence takes all the pleasure
from 1t.
The theatrical manager isn't the
only person who spends all his money
to make q show.
1t is quite natural that the India
rubber man of museum fame should
walk with an elastic STEP
Biobbs-"See that fat girl: I never
saw such a waist" Slobbs-"Yes;
there's no getting around that"
Yes" said the music teacher, "I
cultivate the voice. But suppose
your pupil has no voice." suggested
the friend. Then cultivate the
imagination" added the music
teacher.
The Topeka state journal., 1908-07-18
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Many a shrewd man who weds for
money gets beshrewd.
y y =
A girl hasn't much use for q chap
who has never made love before.
4 4
An elderly man Of wealth who also
has hearts disease is the real matri-
monial prize.
= q
If trolley cars killed some men a jury
would likely decide that their families
were indebted to the company.
X X r.
A marriage between a fellow and a
clairvoyant would properly be the out
come of a case of love at second sight.
The Topeka state journal., 1908-07-18
Smells in Great Cities.

Tho man with nose always
recognizes the smell of the place, and
he has only to land at Calais to smell
garlic. London's smell-when the
Londoner returns-is just SCOT and
fried fish. Paris always smells Of
chocolate and wood-smoke. Florence
is violets and sewage. But so soon
as you get to Russia the smell Is
quite different. Moscow, the city
of fruit that comes from the Crimea,
has a special smell of the cranberry
(which has various names) in the late
summer. And you cannot land In St
Petersburg without noticing-instant-
ly-the smell Of the place.-London
Chronicle.
The Topeka state journal., 1908-07-18

One of the questions that will never
be settled is whether the visiting mer-
chants or the Topekans. whose privi-
iege it was to entertain them, had the
more enjoyable time. It's certain that
the Topekans, at least. will look for
ward with pleasurable anticipation to
the recurrence of the event next year,
and perhaps 1t is safe to say that the
visitors are in the same mood.
The Topeka state journal., 1908-07-18

Carrie Nations notoriety must be
on the wane and her funds getting
low, for she has resurrected the hatch
ct and started in on another smashing
crusade. She made an unhappy choice
in selecting Chicago as the locale for
her efforts. because in a real city like
that no one. not even Carrie Nation,
is permitted to destroy property of
any sort. Still Carrie has the satis-
faction that she is getting consider
able ADVERTISING
The Topeka state journal., 1908-07-18

Tom Watson, the presidential candi-
date of the Populists. thinks that Mr..
Bryan has made a mistake in dealing
with the political situation in the
south. Mr.. Watson proposes to take
advantage of this mistake and believes
that his candidacy will be helped along
by it. He'll need considerably more
help than he will thus get to land the
job he is after.
The Topeka state journal., 1908-07-18

Why should 1t be necessary for the
theatrical managers to hunt up evi-
dence of violations of the city's anti
Sunday labor ordinance and cause ar
rests to be made? This ordinance is
one Of Topeka's laws and as long as it
is on the local statute book 1t should
be enforced most impartially by the
city authorities who are charged with
seeing that all the laws of the COM
munitY are obeYed.
The Topeka state journal., 1908-07-18

Mr.. Bryan's declaration that the
vice president should be member of
the presidents cabinet loses none of
its force because others have made the
same suggestion. And it's a plan that
might well be adopted. Through it a
vice president would get in touch with
the details of the administration of the
affairs of the government and would
be admirably fitted to assume the
reins of government as they should be
in case of an emergency.
The Topeka state journal., 1908-07-18

An interesting feature of the cam
paign for Republican primary nomina-
tions for offices in Shawnee county
and It's an unusual one-is that for
some of the offices there is but one
candidate. These are A. w. Dana. for
district judge; Richard L. Thomas, for
clerk of the district court; Sadlier ].
Hodgins. for register of deeds, and
Stanley Medlicott, for county treas
urer. The fact that there Is no op-
position to any Of these gentlemen Sc
curing q rsnominatiou, which II almost
The Topeka state journal., 1908-07-18
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
CFrom the New York Press.J

CFrom the New York Press.1
A very delightful thing about humor
is when it's your own.
The way to make a girl let you kiss
her Is to get her to say she won't.
A woman can love a man for loving
her, but a man will love a woman be-
cause she won't love him.
A man can have a good time visit
ing his relatives by thinking what fun
1t will be to be home again.
The trouble with good resolutions Ia
the people who have to make them
are the ones who can never keep
them.
The Topeka state journal., 1908-07-18
Spelling the Rooter,s Fun.

A man just back from Mexico tells
me there are some all-fired unhappy
greasers In that city. They are the
rooters at the bull fights. In happier
days these enthusiasts used to sit in
the bleachers, and when they didn's
like the performance. would pull up
the seats and throw them at the mata-
dors and picadors. as the case might
be. But now they have a new plaza
out in Columbia Roma, and the bleach
ers arc built of concrete, 80 the rooters
have to take Il out In yammerfng.-
New York Telegraph.
The Topeka state journal., 1908-07-18
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
HOME NEWS WHILE AWAY.

Subscribers Of the State Journal
AWAY during the summer may have
tho paper mailed regularly each day
TO any address at the rate OF ten cents
. week or thirty cents a month (by
mail only.) Address changed as often
M desired. While out OF town the
State journal viii be to you Hike q
daily letter from home.
Advance payment is requested on
these short time subscriptions, TO save
bookkeeping expenses.
The Topeka state journal., 1908-07-18

Among the banner crops in Kansas
this year will be the fish crop. More
than one hundred thousand fish will
be produced at the state hatchery
and this beats all previous records.
This year has also been a banner one
for the crop of fish stories in the
state. Larger and more marvellous
specimens of the finny tribe have
been caught in the streams and ponds
than ever before, If the fish tales that
have been told are worthy of Gre
dence
The Topeka state journal., 1908-07-18

OF what their brothers In business were
doing and their astonishment at these
things that they learned for the first
time were going on under their very
noses turned into a wonderful ad-
miration for Topeka as a business CEN
ter. This of itself will be of wonder
full advantage to the men themselves
and to the city
The Topeka state journal., 1908-07-18

1t does not take much OF a prophet
to predict that the primary vote in
this locality will be an exceedingly
light one. inasmuch as the candidates
are prohibited by the new law from
carrying voters to the polls in hacks
and other conveyances
The Topeka state journal., 1908-07-18

passing. discofer dot der dress vas
made by a lefd-handed dressmaksr.
Derefore. dake my word fer Id. Looie.
you iss a Chonah, und will loos on efery
corner. Furder, you haf dis to con-
tend NIT in your chase fer der chob.
Carrie Nation und Mare Greens iss
agansd you. Carrie iss a larche Ice
cutter, und Mare Greenss iss de hm-
init. Derefore, Looie. you haf no
chance.
Id iss so hot here dot my collar iss
wilted und feel like Ieafenvort. Hop
ing dis will ind you der same, Looie,
I remain as efer, HANS.
Ad der Windfiled Chawtawquaw dey
iss all fused oop ofer Misder Taft's
relichus standing, und haf deir doubts
vedder dey will election him unless he
swap churches. Dere iss a dancherous
skituvation fer Misder Taft. Ad leasd
hundret peoples iss attending dot
chawtawQuaw.
We may gadder from der pictoors uf
dem togedder. dot der "defelopmandt"
The Topeka state journal., 1908-07-18

The girls of Canada will soon have
chance to do just what their grand
mothers did-dance with the Prince
of Wales. But it will be a different
Individual
The Topeka state journal., 1908-07-18

equivalent to a reelection. is a stir
ring testimonial from the people that
In these instances "one good term de-
serves another"
The Topeka state journal., 1908-07-18

The fact that Mr.. Bristow says he
intended his letter concerning Presi-
dent Roosevelt to be confidential
doesn't alter the sentiments he ex-
pressed
The Topeka state journal., 1908-07-18

Und now, uf We can chusd keep Cy
hobbled, We may vim a few more games.
The Topeka state journal., 1908-07-18

The Prohibitionists are hereby
awarded the banner for holding a real
national convention. It took three bal
lots to make the presidential nomina-
finn
The Topeka state journal., 1908-07-18

Misder Taft iss preparing hiss speech
uf acceptance. Here iss tip. Misder
Taft. Chusd say "THANKS'' and led
i'd go ad dot.
The Topeka state journal., 1908-07-18

VI anyvon kills der "hotenufferyou"
idiot, led him demand a kwick trial.
und he will gedt away NIT i'd. all right.
The Topeka state journal., 1908-07-18

TOO much Long" sayss Henry
Allen. vot Henry really meanss iss
nod too much Long now. but der
dancher uf too much Long on Augusd
der 4-spot.
The Topeka state journal., 1908-07-18

Berhabs der Benders vas punished
on cart, but der worst punishmendt
musd be to be we're dey are now. nit
oudt a chance to nail some uf der lies
vich iss told aboudt deir remoofal
The Topeka state journal., 1908-07-18

Oudt at Barnard, a bunch uf fellers
not only fell ouf der vasser wagon. but
der wagon fell on top uf dem. vich iss
vorser yedt.
The Topeka state journal., 1908-07-18
A SATURDAY SERMON.

say 30 them that are Of q fearful heart,
Be strong. fear not.-Isaiah xxxv:4
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1908-06-06
FoR "THE UNIoN.n
sPIRIT OF POETRY.
BY GEORGE =. TACK.

Thou winsome sprite. with ever changing face,
Yet most with smiles and laughter fippled
Thou earnest with sweet ways and winsome
And whisper-then afar with thee soar.
Thy wand doth wave, and 10. the azure sky,
All radiant with color fiushes fair,
6sn
lous air.
Amid my. work dwell in realms afar.
Whose light cleaned waters murmur low to
And forest leaves DER whisper soft, and star
OF eve throws silver paths across the sea.
When flashing red through dim pine forest
seems LIGHTNING ray Of storm in summer night.
And huttering wings the thunder loud awhile.
And when the fiuttering flakes watt down the
And fall the closed bud Of pearly ice,
They seem to me the scented blossoms fair.
And buds, that fall from some white paradise.
And in the fountains wayering silver spray
see the radiant symbol of Gods love.
And list'ning, hear IN finklinR waters play.
The far-biown golden tones Of harps above.
Then gloom-wrapped woods I've known thee
lead me in.
And low winds walled like strange keyed violin
Or chanted low their m0urnfnl litany.
And in the darkline stream and glooming wave
OF lakes, that ever now DER sparkling SAND,
hear the echoed chant Of far-0ff ocean cave,
And warrior-shouts of battling high-clifed
land.
Thou leadest me through fair thought-felds
afar.
Where glow reflected scenes all glamored DER,
With gold and purple haze and shining bar,
In silver sea protects the happy shore.
Thou callest me to gold CLEANED forest halls,
Like kingly temples where men knelt OF old,
To hear the trumpet winds to worship call.
o being fair, and loved. with glorious eyes,.
At times dew filmed, or rayed with holy Gleam,
Give me rich foretastes of the hallowed skies
And past earths ssleep to hail the morn bright
beam.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1908-06-06
WONDERS OF WATER.

The extent to which water mingles
with bodies apparently solid is won
derful. The glittering opal which
Is beauty wears as an ornament,
only flint and water. In every plas-
ter of paris statue which an Italian
carries through our streets for sale
there is one pound of water to every
four pounds of chalk. The air we
breathe contains FIVE grains of water
to each cubic foot of its bulk. The
potatoes and turnips which are boiled
for our dinner have in their raw state
the one IS per cent. and the other go
per cent. of water.
If man weighing ten stone were
squeezed fiat in a hydraulic press
seven and one-half stone Of water
would run out and only two and one
half stone of dry residue remain. A
man is, chemically speaking, forty
five pounds of carbon and nitrogen
diffused through FIVE and half pail
fuls of water. In plants we find wa
ter thus mingling in no less wonderful
a manner.
A sun flower evaporates one and a
quarter pints of water day and cab
bage about the same quantity. A
wheat plant exhales in 172 days about
100, 900 grains of water. An acre OF
growing wheat, on this calculation,
draws and passes out about ten tons
of water per day.
The sap of plants is the medium
through which this mass OF fluid is
conveyed. It forms delicate pump
by which the watery particles run
with the rapidity of swift stream.
By the action of the sap various prop
critics may be communicated to the
growing plant. Timber In France is
for instance, dyed by various colors
being mixed with water and poured
over the root of the tree. Dahlias
are also colored by similar process
BISHOP Potter at an ecclesiastical
dinner in New York one time read
Cooperstown schoolboy's essay or
"Clergymen." The essay, which
created much amusement, was as fol
lows
"There are three kinds of clergy
men bishups recters and curats. tn
bishups tells the recters to work ant
the curats have to do it. curat is
thin married man but when he is
recter he gets fuller and can preacl
longer sermons and becums a goo
man."
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1908-06-06

tality that sometimes leads the recip-
lent to better life. Pastor Charles
Wagner stood watching the sad pic
ture, and, with fearful eyes, said, IT
have seen many gatherings in Amer
lea, but nothing like this. There is
nothing more interesting to me than
the poor, homeless man-the man
without a bed interests me more than
the man with two beds. 1t is the
same old story-the story of the lost
sheep, of the poor bird that has fallen
from its Fathers nest" /" And this
pitiful picture of dire destitution is not
fancy sketch, it is real. 1t exists
right in the heart of the richest city
in this country, stones throw from
Wall Street, that controls the wealth
of the United States.
Let US reflect. Can we afford to
send our boys and girls into great
cities which are STEPPED in sin and cor
ruption, to crafty some shadowy
hone wa SSs- &Ssas. s.s.~- ><s4s@-so:.. ti.1~=
more wealth will flow into their Golfers
there than can flow from the farms ?
We cannot serve God and Mammon,
and it is not worth while to waste our
strength trying to do it.-Ma,y Sid
Mey in Farm /0at1M0L.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1908-06-06
A FISH STORY.

A numer of the members of that
Jolly organization, "The Broilers,"
sat about a table in one of the Phila-
delphia clubrooms a few nights ago
telling stories. The subject of fishing
yarns came up and after one or two
rather extraordinary ones had been
told concerning big trout and miracu-
lous catches, it was agreed to have an
informal contest and see who could
spin the best tale about catching fish
in either inland waters or the open
sea.
Joseph Rogers, Assistant District
Attorney, and president of the club,
got first prize with this one: "a
number of men were telling ofremark-
able catches off Atlantic City and one
of them said that one day he caught
a very small cod and not caring to take
home such a little fellow he took a
piece of copper wire, ran it through
the tail of the fish, and on one end OF
the wire he attached a copper tag with
his name scratched it. "The next
year when l was off there, " ccntinued
the man, IT got heavy pull on the
line and after FIVE minutes fighting
landed twelve-pound cod and there
on its tail was my tag"
"That reminds me of similar ex-
perience off there" said another man.
s'I caught one Of those small cod and
1 wanted to hang some sort OF identi-
fication on it, but I couldn't fino any
thing in the copper tag line from one
end of the boat to the other. l did
find, however, a little tin whistle in
one of my pockets and running wire
through the tail of the fish l hung on
the whistle and threw the cod back
into the water.
"The following year I got most
peculiar bite on my hook, and atter
pulling in the line got the same lit
tie cod. He hadn't grown an inch,
but hanging on his tail was long
| foo hOrn.o
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1908-06-06
PLUG HATS OF JAPAN.

'There is one sight which you
must not miss when you go to Tokyo"
said the seasoned traveller to a New
York Sun reporter. "That is the
rare display of anthropological plug
hats.
Some people arrange to get to Ja-
pan in cherry blossom season, and
others want to get there in time to
receive an invitation to the emperor's
garden party in chrysanthemum
time, but take the tip of one who has
batted about the world considerably
and land in Tokyo either on New
Years day or on the emperor's birth
day. On both you can see something
unique in the lines of headgear.
"When Japan began to get civilized
she bought all the accessories of civil
lization that england did not want
any more. England sold her old
fashioned, out of date, narrow gauge
railroad stock, antiquated tram cars
and other secondhand junk, including
the then current styles of plug hat.
1.-THE tile of those days has remain
ed the ruling fashion in Japan up to
the present. japan may build Dread
noughts, but the plug hat of fifty
years ago still reigns supreme.
'tOnly on such ceremonious occa-
sions as the New Years festivities,
the emperor birthday or possibly the
racing meets at Negishi, near Yoko-
hama, does the Japanese gentlemen
bring forth from his camphor wood
chest his plug hat heritage from his
forefathers. 1t may be warped with
twenty summers, damp or green with
the shine of the antiquity, but that
matters nothing.
Once this superstruetnre Of his
feels that no dignity short Of deco
ration of the Order of the Rising Sun
can be added to his person. That
crowning glory of plug hat may
settle around his head like half pea
nut shell, but no matter. 1t is the
hat of civilization and the badge of
respectability.
Tie trots out of his house looking
like one Of the ancient daimios, stiff
with the dignity of two swords. All
that fearful day he wears this hat
of ancient vintage like crown,
and in the end he slows it away in
his damp-prcof chest, awaiting anoth-
er festal occasion or held as an asset
In his estate after death"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1908-06-06
ORIGIN OF BILLIARDS.

"Billiards is one ofthe oldest games
/ know Of" said sporting man to
reporter. cit is older, even, than
croquet, which was played by French
kingsa great many hundred years ago.
But, while billiards is SO old, Til bet
none of the devotees of the ivories
and the cue can tell rue why billiard
table covering is always green. Well,
the answer is simple enough. Bill
liards is merely corruption of the
good old English game of bowls,
which was played on beautifully
green lawn. On rainy and winter
days, however, your English sports
men couldn't enjoy his bowls, so
some clever Johnny conceived the
scheme of playing bowls indoors on
his imitation green lawn. 1t was
too much of cinch, however, play
ing this game with the hand in such
close quarters, so the cue was intro
duced to put skill at a premium.
That's how we got billiards and why
billiard tables are green"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1908-06-06
THE BRIDEGRooM's JOKE.

Under the thin disguise of harm
less fun many an unpardonably rude
prank is played upon newly married
couples. It is refreshing to hear of
an occasional instance in which the
joke reacts on the joker and the bitter
is himself badly bitten.
A young man and his bride, who
had just been married in Western
town, were starting on their wedding
journey. They had managed to reach
the train in safety, despite the show
ers of rice and old shoes.
Just as they had taken their seats
in the car one of the bridegroom's
chums rushed in to bid him goodbye.
AS the young husband extended his
hand the friend quickly snapped a
handcuff round his wrist.
The groom had been expecting a
trick of some kind, and before the
practical joker could play a similar
trick on the bride, he found the other
handcuff snapped round his own
wrist. He was chained to the happy
bridegroom himself.
"That a good one on me, Harry"
he said, with a very sickly smile,
"but I'll have to ask you to come to
the door with me and get the key to
these things from the fellow outside
that's got it. Hold on, conductor.
Just minute" !"
But the conductor, whose quick
eye had taken in the situation, re-
fused to wait. He gave the order for
starting and the train pulled out. 1t
was through train and made no
stop for the next fifty miles. Before
it stopped, however, the brakeman,
with the aid of a sharp file and a
hammer, succeeded in releasing Harry.
The practical joker, meanwhile, had
to pay full fare for fifty miles, and
still had his fare home to pay.
O'FLANNAGAN came home one
night with deep band of black Grape
around his hat.
"Why, Mike" exclaimed his wife,
"what are ye wearin' thot mournful
thing for?"
"I'm wearin' it for yer first hus-
band," replied Mike firmly. "I'm
sorry he's dead"
"WHY is it that men bet and wo-
men don't 7"
"Men choose betting as means OF
putting stop to an argument. ="
"Well 7"
well, women never want an argu-
ment stopped"
WHEN woman says she is in love
it is just as we'll to hold off on an ex'
preston of opinion.