New-York tribune., 1908-06-07
GOODBY, BLONDESl
Scientists Say You're Doomed to
Extinction IN SIR Centuries.

Despite the use of peroxide and face lotions, the
blondes are passing They getting scarcer
every day. and they will disappear entirely in SIX
centuries. according TO the melancholy prediction
OF science. There viii be no more fair compilations
TO light up the RiaIto. golden locks 20
give contrast IN the spangI-d ranks Of the chorus.
The world will be wilderness Of brunette beauty.
ranging between the shades OF coffee and birumi-
coal. Lovers will sigh and dream Of the gold
en- past, unless they quite blinded by their
passion Artists will resign themselves TO studies
IN black and white A blond person who appears
in the street will probably be arrested for drawing
a crowd Even red whiskers will be extreme
rarity. only exhibited in dime museums. and the
juxtaposition OF white horses and red-headsd girls
will be miracle
1t IS a frishtruI prospect. skstched by Fred
.rick Boyle in The Contemporary Review" and
one that is aIleviated only by it's comparative
moteness. Humanity may be abe TO think UP
means OF staving of its brunette doom within the
next six hundred years II might decide TO
wigs or spend part Of each season at international
bIeacherfes established the North Pole. The
crosses and parIaments Of the world might offer
a reward for the discovery OF hair dye that won't
run and face cream that won't taste Ike oleo-
margarine. Six centuries do give little breath
ing time take steps against the descent OF dark
ness.
The fair complexioned folk. 1t seems. are not
fitted TO survive in these modern days OF quick
IunCheons and subway travel They were all right
to conquer and colonize the world when that vas
a healthy outdoor exercise, but they can't compete
with the brunertes in the hustle and close
quarters of great cities. The whole Aryan is
probably the downhnL- This includes the
Hindus. Anglo-Saxons. Afghans. Germans. Greeks.
Persians. Irish. French and other tribes who gen
orally despise another and call the other kind
'dazoes.'' The whole lot Of them losing their
blue eyes. pale cheeks and light hair II The evo
lutonary makeup were preparing them FOR a
minstrel show The process did not begin yesterday,
but 1t has no doubt been accelerated with the
speedy development OF modern conditions The
blondes were great fighters and migrators- The
Homeric heroes had mostly golden locks. and the
Athenians probably fair and blue eyed. Ike
the early venetiaus and the so-called DIoors who
conquered Spain
II is asserted that in modern times the
bodily structure correlated with a fair complexion
has proved itself superior in cOOniZng enterprises
resisting the evil Influences OF climate and new
environment generally The West Coast OF Africa
is not SO falal to the red-hairst white men as 20
brunette types. and The same fact is said 10 DO
noted IN the Far East and tropical America At
rome and IN cities the brunsTss forge the front
Statistics deaszrg with recruits IN the Civil War
taken from the government records AZ Washingtoa
are interpreted prove that The brunette type.
as a whole. offers greater resistance to disease"
II city life Is unsuIted to the fair eoupexioned il
is obvious that the increasing trend OF population
from country town will lead To the disappear
ance Of the weaker type and in a calculaoe period
OF time Two London physicians DR.. Shrubsan
and Dr. Jones. have made observations from a
thousand cases OF children in hospitals. and both
series OF figures show q marked predOminance
only of blonde traits but also OF the pure blonde
type. indicating a greater amount OF disease The
bad air and the foul stsnchss of the slums. per-
na ps the moral filth also. too much for the
fair eomplsxions- The brunet1es httest to sur
vivc under this unnatural state Of things