East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1908-07-25
Say, Mr.. Editor:


Did you ever chute the chutes? II
you ever did you didn't get into any
more energetic action than | get into
a-chucking the chuck. II an old maid
should see me chucking the chuck
she would most appropriately describe
II as Gust awful" You and / and
others, too, have seen people whose
organs OF speech and organs OF sight
are uncomfortable, but | don't be-
lieve / ever saw a person with uncon-
trollable organs OF chewing. for
never could find the time to look in
TO a reflector while engaged in my
most enjoyable pastlme, that OF
chucking the chuck.
Well, one night not long since !
went down to a popular chuck resort
in this town and ordered a mixed
say. you know OF course what mix
ed means? You have used the word
so often in getting a drink-oh-h-
beg-g-g poddon-beg poddon, Mr..
Editor, only meant TO tell you about
my ordering mixed chuck order the
other night down here. Yes, sure a
fellow can order a mixed supper II
he wants 1t, can't he?
The hasher came a-sllnging around
and sung out in a verbal string so
many good things and held them up
for my admiring inspection, that I
just up and decided that would
take a mixed supper that night and
fool 'em all. The hasher didn't know
at first what l meant, but / finally
made him understand. l ordered a
small side OF rare T-bone we'll done,
big slice OF beef ham, three lightly
fried over after being cooked well, a
big porterhouse fried in small places,
half hind quarter OF veil outlets
rolled in cracked crackers, hind leg
of an old SOW with side of ham
and" TO come along, all well done,
platter OF Dreaded biscuits butter
ed with this new tangled "greaseless"
butter, a half basketful OF toad-frog
legs cooked to a crisp-whee jizzi-
kers! old man. you don't know whats
good till you try that last named
item-and in the drinking line / had
almost everything nameable 'cepting
this city water-golly, take that stuff
to the coal house and pour 1t out the
back window-ugh! Who won't Sec
ond that motion?
/ won't try your patience with a
full list OF the drinks, but there was
4 hnN 90 nNN q
with Pendleton's main asset of un-
healthiness until the hasher told me
how to fix 1t to keep II from giving
the stumick hurts. That was this
dope they call nearer my-(mother-
in-law) ?-to thee" The hasher told
me to put a compound composition
of Durompaetic-aroma lillicon-
tistiaec- (now say. old head, IL see
you coming toward me tomorrow
like you are unable to pronounce a
certain compound word and are look
ing for help, / swan! I'll run away
from Pendleton and never come back)
hasher told me to put that into the
foamy article and 1t wouldn't hurt
me. Just try it once, Cap, and quit
spending your money with the o. r.
& N. going to Walla Walla-Ach!
Poddon again. /
After washing up things with half |
gallon of consumptive dairy product |
waggled across to the st. George
now Mac, honest; old Eel, this isn't |
an attempt to, hurt your fine business
10 rio M n
and into a swell two-bit room up the
second flight over the restaurant cook
stove. The added weight Of the mid
die portion of me body soon pulled
me off into the shades of slumber-
land. and II was sure a shady land
where l went The day had been
one Of these days that make a fellow 1
think he Is living in times that are
akin to the place where you and u
and all the other swells are going \
some day, away over yonder in the
great Beyond.
The day had been so tarnating wide
from north pole temperatures that
the only pleasant thoughts that I had
had running through my skull the
whole day were of the beautiful park,
on the old cemetery site that would
some day adorn this city. Conse-
quently in sunderland these same
thoughts followed in the form known
as dreams. But didn't dream alto
gether Of cool shady trees and wav-
ing green grasses. I dreamed that I
had been dead and buried in olney !,
cemetery for all time since Noah
came floating along over the country
now known as Umatilla. dreamed
/ had ben one OF Noah's niggers that |
the Great Supreme gave him to raise.
future slaves from and big whale
had gotten hold Of one of my hind
feet and pulled me out through a