davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Idaho scimitar. [volume] (Boise, Idaho) 1907-1908, 1908-01-18
Wit and Wisdom
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.


giant touring car, was taken with swelling on
the back of his neck He and consulted his ply
sician about it.
Doctor" he said, 'are there such things auto
mobile diseases?"
ct is not unlikely" the doctors response. "At
least automobling may develop tendencies to disease
that lie dormant under ordinary conditions"
"Wel1, wish you would look at the spot on the
back of my neck and tell me if the excessive use
of my motor has anything to do with it"
The doctor complied
"H'm!" he said, gravely "That looks if it
might be either a car-bunce or an automobile
Youths Companion
There recently entered the Offices of the civil
service commission at Washington dashing young
darkey of perhaps twenty years of age, who
nounced to the official who received him that he de-
sired to "get papers for examination"
"From what State are your" the first ques-
ton put
The negro drew himself up proudly. 'I am from
the first State in the Union, sir" he replied.
New York;"
mo, sir; Alabama"
But" protested the official with smile, alabama
is not the first State in the Union"
alphabetically speaking, sir, alphabetically speak
ing" said the negro-Harper's Weekly.
Mrs Murphy asked an Irish tailor what he
doing
"Im maxim lsht the min in this block who
Oh kin lick"
"Hez yez got Murphys name DOWN." asked She
murphy heads tn lisht."
Home flew Mrs Murphy and broke the to
her man He was in the tailor-shop in jify.
aye good nothin' little grass-hopper I could
commit suicide on yez wild me little finger. could
wipe up the Aure wild yez wild me hands tied behind
me-"
care yez shure av that?" asked the tailor.
"Shure!"
"We11 than" said the tailor eff ye're shure of it
I'll scratch We off tn 1sht"-Judge's Library.
"May print kiss on your 1ips?" I said
And she nodded her sweet permission;
So we went to press, and | rather guess
We printed full edition
"But one edition is harly enough"
She said, with a charming pout
So, again. in the press the form was placed,
And we got some extras" out.
Short Stories.
Wilie-Say, pa, are you self-made man?
Pa (lofti1y)-Yes, my son. am; but why did you
ask?
Wi1ie-O tlothin', only 1 was just thinking that
you might have put little more hair on your head
while YOU was about it-Toledo Blade.
'It is sad doctor, that you treated your landlord
for liver trouble and he died of stomach trouble"
Infamous SANDER! When I treat a patient for
liver trouble he dies from that! Understand? "-
Punch.
Two very cadaverous looking tramps looked in at
the windor of a railway station where a telegraph
The Idaho scimitar. [volume] (Boise, Idaho) 1907-1908, 1908-01-18
THE IDAHO SCIMITAR.

following him round the course, what makes
the grass grow"
"The grass has blades, and with these it cuts its
way through the ground" -Gol6ng.
teacher in public school asked the children to
define the word advice"
advice" said little girl ''s when other people
want you do the way they do"-Christian Register
81 want to get rid of some bonds"
"Out of my line" replied the lawyer.
"But these are matrimonial bands" rejoned the
caller putting different face on the maer-Phila-
dephia Ledger.
First Nove1ist-Have you got the plot for your
novel yet?
Second Novelist-No, but have got some of the
best people to condemn t-New York Sun.
r.
Timid Child (who has just been assured of the
company of the angels in the dark)-Ye-e-s, but
mummy, couldn't you have the angels and leave me
the de?-Punch.
Irate Passenger (who finds himself marooned at
lonely Irish station for the rest of the day)-Haw
portah, is there nothing doing in this rotten place
all day?
Portah-O'11 be shuntn' the engine about eight to-
night sorr.-The Tattler.
"You ought to go home" said the patrolman
"Gadzooksr
Better leave him alone, Bill" advised the other
patroman. "Hes one of them historical novelists."
Washington Herald
Gera1dne-I hear that you made bet that would
accept you.
Gerald tried to, but couldn't find any takers
New York Press
Gowns influence the moods, 1 woman
claims. Do they affect you that way, my dear"
EYES, love- The clothes I have to wear make
boiling mad"
Then hubby was s1ent-Kansas City Journal
Mr. Jagway awoke from troubled dream and
his wife going through the pockets of his trousers
eff you find anything in them, my DEAR" he said,
"1et me know, will your"
eff I don't find anything in them, Ebenezer," she
answered, in highkeyed voice, "I'll let you know,
all right"
Making no reoiner Mr. Jagway calmly awaited
the coming explosion.-Chicago Tribune.
"There was queer here yesterdays power
full queer man, remarked the landlord of the tavern
at Po1lvi11e, Arkansas. "Ee was big and porty and
loud-voced, and pretty considerably red-nosed, and
so as soon as he had registered I says, Going to
stay with few days, colonel? and blamed if he
didn't r'ar back and say, I'm colonel, sir and
never was onep Some kind of burned crank or
crazy reform Teller, betcha Puck.
The effort of The Ladies' Home Journal to prod
pastors and church members to greater efusveness
in welcoming strangers to public services may lead
to OVERRIDING hospitality in various ways One of
n hear
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-05-17
The Negro in the CAMPAIGN.

Former Senator William F. Chandler.
an anti-Taft man, in some criticism OF
the demand in the republican platform of
Ohio for reduction of southern repre-
sentation in Congress to conform to the
Constitution. says:
What good will this procedure do the
DISTINGUISHED colored people: II thew are
disfranchised. what do they care whether
the northern states protect themselves
against the unfair power the southern
whites will continue to retain by reason
Of the existence of the negro voters who
are driven from the polls by violence and
by southern notification. in destruction
Of the fifteenth amendment. which pledges
the nations faith that they shall be al
lowed to vote and that Congress will pass
laws to enforce their right of suffrage?
"Out upon such a false pretense as the
Ohio resolution. 1t is a white mans reso-
luton and not one for the beneft Of the
negro whose progress in intelligence in
dustry and good citizenship 1t so highly
but so deceptively praises. To have been
frank and fair the Taft managers should
have added to their resolution the words,
but 1t will be inconvenient for the re-
publican party to enforce the fifteenth
amendment and this shall remain obso-
lete.'"
What laws would Mr.. Chandler suggest
for enforcing the right Of suffrage where
suffrage Is unlawfully denied? Why not
go into particulars? Now is an excellent
time to start the discussion. The subject
is coming up at Chicago in q more for
midable form than II has hitherto been
presented to a national convention. and
much will depend on the deliverance Of
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-05-17

Bryanites is, 1t is not its first manifesto
ton. There were men who attended the
Chicago convention in 1895. and by strict
party law were bound by the result there
who refused to accept Mr. Bryan
as the candidate. Some of them
opposed him either through support OF
Palmer and Buckner. or OF Mckinley and
Hobart direct In a word. they bolted.
In 1904 they appeared at ST. Louis in
Judge Parkers behalf. preaching regu-
larity and making much OF the fact that
in 1896. wnen they were boilers, their
favorite, then New York Judge. was
regular. That is to say. men STEPPED in
irregularity were now trading in regular
ity as supreme virtue. By that. and
other. means they secured the nomination
for Judge Parker. and then set for MIR.
Bryan the task OF electing him.
Mr.. Bryan did his best, but failed. His
followers. remembering that many of
Judge Parker's followers had bolted in
1896. decided that two could play at the
game. and now they bolted. And ever
since then the boiling pot Of 1898 has been
calling the boiling kettle Of 1904 black.
New York is not for Mr.. Bryan this
year. but will demand If she trips him at
Denver that he be for the man nomina ted.
Regularity is no party virtue when he is
the candidate, but the supreme virtue
when he Is not the candidate. She
will render unto any other candidate
the things that are Mr.. Bryan's. but
unto Mr.. Bryan, nothing at ALL The text
is one we may expect treated with some
ella liberation at Denver If protracted
wrangle sets up.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-05-17
Egypt's
Sniz1lre,
The GOVERNORS.

From the Hartford Times.
Wei Congress. the conference of gov
oud the President simultaneously
l., session. the output of talk in Wash
ington this week IS oouho 10 assume
prodigious proportions.
From the Baltimore News
While the White House conference is
an will the subject of the Conservation
~ tho Presidents Energy be discussed?
From the Springfield Union
1t is called the resources conference
because when the Governor of North
carolina and the Governor Of South Car
dina met up and exchanged the tradi-
tional greeting. the question of the where
withal naturally came up.
From the New Orleans Times Democrat.
The next conference on uniform state
laws might do we'll to propose a law reg
ulating the length Of gubernatorial mes
sages.
From the Council Bluffs Nonpareil.
At the conference that is being held in
Washington this week a fitting subject
for discussion by ". J. Bryan would be,
How to Conserve the Oratorical Re-
sources OF the Country.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-05-17

So confident are many politicians that
Judge Taft will head the republican ticket
and Mr. Bryan the democratic ticket. Cos
sip is already busy with the subject OF
campaign managers. Who for the one
side, and who for the other?
The manager of a campaign should be
on terms Of confidence, if not of intimacy,
with the candidate. The ideal relation
existed between AIR. Hanna and Mr.. Me-
kinley. Each man knew and trusted the
other thoroughly. Both were excellent
politicians. AS result they worked TO-
gether like a charm. so to speak. NOT
blunder dishgured a contest where less
capable men might have been betrayed
into score.
A Hanna is not at present in evidence.
Mr. Vorys and Mr. Hitchcock have served
Judge Taft we'll. but are not to be ac-
credited with his lead in the race. Neither
has what may be properly called ma
tional Influence. Judge Taft has bene-
flied far more from the administration
favor than from any other influence. He
is strong in his own right and as the
Presidents friend and adviser.
But the administration cannot conduct
his campaign for election. He must have
a manager, and that manager should be a
thorough politician. Senator Crane is
suggested, although he has not been ac-
counted Taft man. But Mr.. Crane has
the confidence of everybody, and can hold
his tongue in go many languages he would
serve admirably in a post where silence is
a great factor.
Should Mr.. Bryan look TO the east or
look to the west for the one to serve him
best? Mr.. Jones of Arkansas, who man.
aged the campaigns OF 1896 and 1900 and
did all that any man could have done for
the candidate and the cause. has since re-
tired from politics. An eastern man might
be open TO suspicion in the west. and a
western man in the east. Why not, then,
II is suggested. man from one of the
middle states? Not Mr.. Taggart, how
ever. Democrats generally want to get as
completely away as possible from all re-
minders OF the Parker fiasco.
Is it strange We should be told that
these men should be selected with a view
to their credit with the business world. SO
that campaign funds may not be lacking
Not at ALL The business world, for all
the talk about corporations in politics,
will take as much interest in the game
this time as at any time hitherto: and
the man who can raise the dust will be
exceedingly valuable to his party.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-05-17

that body. In at least six states the col
ored vote is important to the republicans
this year. and 1t is now seriously disaf-
fected. This Is common knowledge. as is
also the fact that the republican leaders
are no little disturbed.
The reduction OF representation in Con-
the offense under discussion. Those who
framed the fourteenth and fifteenth
amendments evidently saw what in time
would happen. and tried to provide for
the situation that would thus be created
when 1t should happen. They would not
agree that after the negro had been de-
priyed OF all voice in local matters he
should still remain the basis of influence
in national matters of the men who had
disfranchised him. That would make the
south stronger than in slavery days. Then
the negro. with no voice in affairs.
counted as three-fifths in the representa-
ton. Under this new order, he would
count, though as powerless as when
slave, as five-fifths-a unit.
The idea OF reduced representation. AS
respects the negro particularly. Is that
the south, forced to obey the Constitution
and DESTROYS of as large representation
in Congress as possible. would liberalize
her election laws and administer them In
a spirit of fairness to worthy men of both
races. Many men now disbarred would
then be admitted to the ballot box. The
idea in it's national aspect is that If
negro domination is not to be tolerated
in state affairs 1t should not be tolerated
in national affairs. And any man elected
President of the United States by less
than forty majority in the electoral col
lege, who had received all the votes OF
the states where Acknowledgement exists,
would hold office through the aid of out
lawed negro numerical strength. and hold
a commission stepped in notification, and
would he aware Of the fact.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-05-17
ON The SAME TRAIN.

From the Indianapolis News.
Gov. Johnson and Mr.. Bryan left Chi
capo nm the same train. which is further
nroof of the notable difference between a
train and band wagon.
From the Buffalo Express.
BRYAN and Johnson rode from Chicago
TO Washington on the same train. But
that does not help either of them to
solve the problem of getting from Denver
to Washington.
From the Providence Journal.
Judge Gray's best chance of obtaining
the democratic nomination has gone by:
the train bearing Mr.. Bryan and Gov.
johnson to Washington did not run off
the track
From the New York World.
Johnson. Fairbanks and Bryan dining
SOCIALLY at the same table on the Man
haitian limited on the PENNSYLVANIA rail-
road yesterday-and the walter unable to
extract a bigger tip by remarking about
the honor of waiting on the next Presi-
dent
From the Pittshurg Gazette-Times.
The engineer of the train carrying
Messrs. Fairbanks. Bryan and Johnson
no doubt realized the heavy responsibility
resting upon him.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-05-17
The Dedication Ceremonies in Jul,

The Dedication Ceremonies in July.
BY dedicating the new municipal build
ing on the 4th of July, the Commissioners
will not only appropriately mark the final
securing of a home for the District gov
eminent but will stimulate the local con-
cept of a proper observance Of lndepend-
ence day. Already the Board of Trade
and the Chamber of Commerce are CO.
operating with the Commissioners to make
the occasion notable as full expression
of public sentiment. The participation of
the Oldest Inhabitants in this celebra-
ton. which may be assumed. will be par
ticularly significant. Indeed. this last
named organization has for some years
been the only local body of citizens which
has formally commemorated the national
birthday by services suitable to the oc-
casion.
1t is very much to be desired that In the
years to come the citizens of Washington
should assemble at some central point,
and either by their attendance or particl-
patton in exercises of an appropriate char
acter testify to their recognition of indie
peEdence day. This is the more essential
because of the position of Washington
conspcuously before the country as the
national center and in the most marked
manner symbolical of the federal idea.
The ceremonies in July next will be OF a
character especially gratifying to the citl-
zens of the District If the pi ogram develops
along the now contemplated lines. The
District has suffered practically ever since
the organization of the government from
the handicap Of having no official home.
owred by the government or the munich
pality. Especially since the reorganiza-
ton Of 1873. when the District municipal
ity became vitalized by the injection of
has this lack been a source of cha
grin to the residents Of the Capt.
tai While pointing out to tourist
friends the various points of public inter
est. they have been compelled to show
the small and often shabby quarters as
the headquarters of the Capital City gov
eminent The long fight for adequate
quarters was at times seemingly hopeless.
SO difficult was it to persuade Congress
that the District was entitled to a home
of its own. At last. however. the fight
was won and the funds were provided. and
now. in the fulness OF time, the
District is about to take formal possession
of the attractive monumental structure
evolved as result of years OF unremit-
ting enterprise on the part of the local
citizens.
Thus the ceremonies OF July will be
especially significant. for they will typify
the perseverance of Washingt onians of
this generation, while commemorating the
spirit of 1916 which led to the establish
ment of the republic of which this city Is
the political center
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-05-17
THE PIECE THAT ROBERT SPOKE.

Once there was a little boy. whose name was
Robert Reece;
And every Friday afternoon he had to speak q
piece.
So many poems thus he learned that soon he
had a etore
OF recitations In his head. and still kept learn
ing more.
And now this ia what happened He was called
upon week.
And totally forgot the piece he was about to
speak.
His brain he cudgeled. Not word remained
within his head!
And so he spoke at random. and this IL what
he said:
MY Beautiful my Beautiful. who standest
proudly by.
1t was the schooner .Hesperus'-the breaking
waves dashed high!
Why is this Forum crowded? What means this
stir I'm Rome?
Under a spreading chestnut tree there is NO
place like home.
When Freedom from her mountain heieht cried
Twinkle little star.
Shoot II you must this old gray head, King
Henry Of Navarro.
Roll on. thou deep and dark blue castled cras
My name is Norval. on the, Grampian Hills.
ring out. wild bells!
III you're waking. call me early. to be OF not
to be.
The cnrfew must not ring tonight. o. wood.
man. spare that tree.
Charge. Chester. charge. On. STANLEY. on!
And let who Will be clever.
The boy stood on the burning deck. but 70
Carolyn Wells in st. Nicbolaa-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-05-17
NO SECOND PLACE FOR HIN.

From the Chicago Record Herald.
Hughes declares that he wouldn't serve
as Vice President if he were elected. He
probably has his own reasons for feeling
that way about 1t. but the fact remains
that a good Vice President may be very
useful to the people.
From the Columbus Evening Dispatch.
Gov. Hughes Is quoted as saying he
could not serve as Vice President" But
nobody will believe that. He has the abil-
ity What he means is that he would
not serve which is a matter of Will.
From the Hartford Evening Post.
Gov. Hughes says he will not accept
second place. He should reflect some
more. Roosevelt said he wouldn't. but
he did, and it was the makin's of him.
From the Buffalo News.
Why should Stewart l.. Woodford ask
Gov. Hughes to take second place?
From the Boston Advertiser.
The conundrum now is. if Hughes will
not take second place on the national
ticket will he take second term In his
own state? He is too useful a man to be
allowed to go out of public office.
From the Chicago News
Gov. Hughes rejoinder makes it evil
dent that he had heard what Caesar said
about preference for being chief Of an
Iberian village rather than the near-boss
OF Rome.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-05-17
The SPRING FEVER

Tho sun high and the skies We're hlue.
And felt the blood in my pulses thrill;
My step light.
And my eve bright
1 said to myself: My lungs I'll all
With this bracing air.
Yes. I'll get my share.
I'll steal a march my neishbor. there,
I'll walk down town this morning.
Away ] marched like a soldier bold
NY chest thrown out and my head M high
LET others ride.
Those inside.
A breath Of this air ! want to try"
And chuckled away
To myself that day.
They may ride who will II their fares they nay
I'll walk down town this morning
Then thought to myself as I etrolled along,
WAS treat like this before?
If men hut knew
OF the pleasure true
OF a morning walk they'd ride no more.
They're fools. I swear
To miss this air,
And the glorious charm Of dav 50 rare.
I'm wise and walk this morning"
But ar1 that day I lived TO learn
For every man that CHANGED to meet,
Gave mr no show.
To brag and blow
or that morning walk down the city street.
Yes. every man,
This way began.
I'm four miles out from the city an
walked down town this morning"
Detroit Free Press.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-05-17
Gray.

The Gray boom grows. Delaware's six
votes are pledged. and now seven Balti-
moreans have declared for the Blue Hen s
chick. AS matters stand. Mr.. Bryan has
several hundred votes. Gov. Johnson
twenty-five and Judge Gray six. And yet
we are told that the Nebraskan is in dan
ger. He may be. but his lead Is long
one. and only six weeks remain for the
opposition to extend itself if he Is to be
beaten. 1t looks very much as II this
eleventh-hour fight had for its principal
object an effect upon the patfo makers
The real demand now is for a sane and
safe platform. and II that can be secured
by the means in use, the Gray-Johnson
maneuver will not have been In vain
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-05-17
New York and Bryan.
is a current news item.

This Is current news item:
IF Bryan becomes almost a certainty a.
Denver quite large number OF New
fork delegates to the democratic national
convention intend to remain at home
Their places are to he taken by their al
iernates. There are democrats in the
delegation so irrevocably opposed ia
Bryan that they will not place themselves
n the position where under the rule they
nay be compelled to vote for his nomina-
ion."
And what about election day? Shall we
iot see these same men refuse to vote for
Mr. Bryan If he is nominated. Undoubt-
IDLY their objection, if tested, will reach
that far.
And yet. IL these men do attend the con-
,ention. and succeed in defeating Mr.
Bryan. they will demand that he and all
ais friends support the nominee. No ex-
.use will be accepted from the Bryan
delegates. They will be told that. having
made their fight and lost. they must bow
o the certified will Of the party.
Oas-sided as this attitude Of the anti
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-05-17
HOBsoN'S Choice.

II am bound to have war IL I can get It,"
Says Hohson. Richmond p. Of Alahamy:
IF We amt prepared for trouble we'll regret IT,"
Says Hobson Of the House; why. double
damme!
There's the japanese are dying for to lick u.s.
And upon the dogs o war we ought to sick u.s.
Why our fitness for a night Is thin as gravy"
Says Hobson. Richmond p. Of Alabamy:
I'VE should have thousand vessels In our
navy
Says Hobson 81 the House: I'm getting clammy
With the fear OF what would happen to the
nation
II the Mickeydoo should want a coaling station -
There's thousand miles o. beach on our
Pacific
Says Hobson Richmond T.. Of Alabamy:
And the sand would fly particular terrific
Says Hobson OF the House. 'if Uncle Sammy
Didn't have at least million ships ~ hattie
For to give the Nipponese a real rattle.''
I'VE living the limit Of a crater"
Says Hohson. Richmond F.. Of Alahamy:
And Americas a thirty-second rater."
Says HobSon Of the House: IAN ancient nanny
Having nothing Of the fighter In her makeup
For to give the yeller bellyache a shakeup:'
Il am hound to have a war II I can work it,
Says Hohson, Richmond r.. NJ Alabamy:
.And I won't permit the populace to shirk II. '"
SAYS Hobson of the House: my ofihAmmy
Is sizzling and a-bla1ing for n battle
From the sands o. San Diego tn SEATTLE"
New York Sun.