West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1908-04-30
Hot Fight on as 10 Who Shall Lick
and Stick the Stamps.
THE AFTERMATH OF THE PRIMARY
River City Residents Reused from Leth-
argy Over squahbls About
Pestefhoe
RowrEsnuRo, April ~.

II the gentlemen at the head of the
county committee are laboring under the
impression that the primary contest set
tied their grief they have only to step
over to the River City and take a stroll
under our arc lights. ON each corner can
I've found group OF earnest men who
have gathered To discuss the postofiice
question. That the inhabitants are hope
lcssly divided as to which of the three
aspirants are most entitled 20 the appoint
ment is readily disccrned 10y the warmth
OF the argument and the glow of anger
in the eye.
On one corner it is earnest pleading;
on the next corner il il sulphurous and
animated to degree that IL not con-
ducive to harmony and brotherly love.
Outlines IN the excitement of our argu-
ment We forget our electric lights.
The three Wowed applicants for the
posloilicc are Col. Bob Hollis, Capt. John
Pierce, and Corp. Vernon Hooton. All
three are proclaimed dyed in the wool,
branded with the county committees
stencil, and guaranteed to not rip or
tear, and will stand without hitching or
fodder for amy length of time. All three
declare openly and without reserve that
they have laceratcd their larynx and
fractured their diaphragm hurrahing for
the committee when it was threatened
with elimination 10y insurgcnt sam Mont
gomery.
Corp. llooton, who is young and hand
some, has barricadcd himself behind
botcd doors and IL resting on the mail
sucks which Uncle Sam has commissioned
bm TO protect. lie is sleeping behind
the ilreastworks with his trusty gatling
gun close by his side and watching the
movement of the enemy If possession
is nine points of the law the corporal
feels certain that hc will hold the fort.
Great pressure is being brought to bear
10 smoke him out Col. Hollis and Capt.
Pierce have sworn To shoot the first man
that turns on the fire alarm when the
postoilicc is reported i'm flames.
Capt. John Pierce is touted as the lean
hound in the long chase and his friends
say he cannot lose the race. They point
TO the fact that he IL lean, long legged.
and pronounced by DR.. Proudfoot 10 be
free from bolts, SPAWN, stringhalt, and
windbroken. IL il claimed that he holds
the certificate of Endorsement from the
county committee and that Congressman
George c. Sturgiss will be requested TO
send in his name when Sturgiss feels that
he will he jeopardizing his own chances
fora reelection. Then listen to the jere-
miadsl They will echo and re-echo from
hill To hill and may bc the means of
arousing Judge John .. Whctscll from his
slumbers
Col. Bob Hollis, who enlisted in the
pie wagon army along about 1912, has a
host OF warm friends who are hoping
against hope that hc may draw the prize,
but it has leaked out that when the Jim
committee was over here hcrding the ami
mails for the primary exhibition they in
timated that Col. Hollis belonged to the
superannuated gentry.
1t has been a habit of Col. Bob 10 pop
up periodically for public Office long be-
fore Belva \. Lockwood ran for the Presi-
dency, and the Jim committee without
malice aiorethought would calmly and
without the customary regrets proceed 10
sduelch him and place him on the rear
bench for season Of mourning. But
when the taps would be sounded for an
other mad and frantic rush for the pic
wagon the jolly and portly Col. Bob
would graciously and manfully go forward
10 battle for victory or death When the
smoke would clear away the undaunted
colonel would find himself ready for the
STROUD and the chestnut oak which the
committee had thoughtfully prepared for
him in consideration Of his party fcalty
and service rendered the committee.
This year the committee, after due de-
liberation and emotional insanity, con-
cludcd 10 Oslerize the genial colonel, az
it was evident TO the gentlemen Of the
committee that Col. Hollis did not realize
lac was politically dead a. far IA getting
his fingers in the jam and the sugar bowl.
In justice 30 the esteemed colonel it
must be said that when the doctors broke
the sad news 10 him that the committee
had performed the Oslcr operation on
him lac gracefully and without a struggle
or a kick had published in the Journal q
notice advising his friends on Buffalo
that he was quietly camping on the banks
Of the river Jordan, where the ripping
stream was softly waiting his walls and
lamentations 10 those who had gone be-
fore.