davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-06
An Admirai's Stories.

One Of the English admirals has a
choice collection Of stories at the ex-
pense Of laymen placed in Office at the
admiralty as consequence of turn
Of the political wheel. OF one lord Of
the admiralty he told delighted house
Of commons how, receiving report Of
disaster to a ship couched in technical
phrase, he wrote reply demonstrating
with the officer for his use Of bad Ian
guage. Another civilian lord, looking
over chart and observing that one Of
his majesty's ships, homeward bound,
passed within a space Of two inches
on the chart an island where cast
away sailors were sheltering, wanted
to know why it could not call and re-
lieve them. The admiral explained
that the two inches on the chart meant
distance at sea Of 1000 miles.-Lon-
don Strand Magazine.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-06
Laundering Shirt Waists.

q -T-- 49,.
Mathilde, the popular washerWom
having sprained her wrist, was unable
to do her weeks ironing, but she stood
over the young Irish girl she had hired
and directed the work.
Maybe, Bridget" observed Mathilde,
with watchful eye on her under
study, you'll t'ink, you, dat all shirt
waist ees iron alike Maybe you'll t'ink
she ees SOM easy job for iron shirt
waist for half dose lady of different
shape. .r s..a5 < =. .
"But non, Bridget, she ees mos diff
fcult. Som of dose waist ees for dose
so fat Nine. Jone. wat weigh tree,
two honder pound. SOM ees for dose
so tin Mile. Smit', wat weigh lax SOM
small feddaire.( $,s.{tl,.. ( I*:afr, =,
Get ees not sufficient to but iron
dose waist, she mos hall be mold to fit
does bodice. 's1.~.% 49, +.% @+ -
''De waist Of dose tin, dose tall, does
fat, she ees iron hall Of difference.
Dose fat she ees not desire SOM hump
hon benin bees shouldaire. Does tin,
she ees weesh for stick out biffore
For dose tall mam'selle you mus max
high dose collaire; for dose fat ma
dame max wide dose arm'ole. ~
"Eet ees dose weesdom, Bridget wat
ees bring hall dose mos bes' shirt
waist desc town to de door of old
athilde."-Youth's Companion.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-06
Jud cras7i1s Was Confirmed.

"a certain old time justice Of the
peace, wishing to bring suit against 8
citizen, consulted the statutes and
found that suits Of such a character
might be brought before any Justice
of the peace
"Well. then" thought he, 'tI'l just
try the case myself"
Straightway he made out a writ
against his adversary and signed it.
On the day set for trial the defendant
appeared with counsel. Both gentle
men not unnaturally objected to the
constitution of the court ..&
"Why," demanded the Justice, "do
you deny that am a Justice Of the
peacew '%5"A
The lawyer would not contest this
point, but argued that such a construc-
ton Of the law was against all sense
and reason.
A vigorous alteration ensued, and
then the Judge remarked that not for
the world would he have two gentle
men suppose him governed by any per-
sonal considerations. II will there
FORE" he added gracefully, 'render
Judgment against myself and then
appeal to the supreme court"
''But the mischief Of it was," said
the Justice, relating the story after
ward, "that when my Judgment got to
the supreme court it was unanimously
reafirmed." H.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-06
Countermanded,

A very devout clergyman had just
married a couple and, as was his Gus
tom, offered a fervent prayer, invoking
the divine blessing upon them. AS
they seemed to be worthy folk and not
overburdened with this worlds goods,
he prayed, among other things, for
their material prosperity and besought
the Lord to greatly increase the mans
business, laying much stress on this
point.
In filling out the blanks it became
necessary to ask the man his business,
and, to the minister's horror, he said,
81 keep saloon"
In telling the story to his wife after
ward the clergyman said that as he
wrote down the occupation he whis-
pered: -'. .--rr.r-' $500 &c. --..-
Lord, you needn't answer that
prayer Philadelp Ledger.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-06
LOCAL HAPPENINGS
The Continued
Story Of
Current Events.

George Jewett came in this moor
from Crookston, for a visit with rela
tives. " "A: z.. +.
Alfred Amundson of Crookstor
was registered at the Merchant:
last night. .r. !"
w. V. Kane of International Fall!
was registered at the Markham hote
last night. -;
J. F. Mogan of Northome return
ed this noon from a short bushes!
visit at Bagley.
Mr.. Fred DuBoise of Brainerd
returned home this morning afte1
a few days visit with friends.
Miss Anna Carroll of Grand Forks
N. D., returned home last nigh
after enjoying a two weeks visit a
the E. H. Cornwall home in thi!
city.
Mr.. and Mrs. I. L. Kreati
returned last night to Sacramento
CAL, after visiting for two month:
at the home of Mr.. Kreatz's father
G. E., of this city.
Miss Viola Spencer left on the
noon train today for her home in St
Paul, after spending very pleasant
week with her aunt and uncle, Mr.
and Mrs. A. A. Carter.
Jeff" St. Peter and w. A. Erick
son of chicago are spending a vaca
ton in the city as the guests q
Thomas Bisiar. Mr.. Erickson is at
tending the Chicago University.
Harry Cell of this city returned
| Friday evening from the encamp
ment at Lake City. Harry visited
! with relatives at Pine Island anc
| with old classmates at Minneapolis
before returning home.
Misses Jessie ane Tinnie Pender
CAST, daughters OF L. c.. Pendergast
the custodian of the old State Capt.
toll at St. Paul, returned Saturday
| afternoon from two weeks triI
down the great lakes to Buffalo an<
! other points.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-06
Lord Kelvin and the Gable,

It is perhaps not generally known
that the success Of the Atlantic cable
was due to the calculations and ex-
periments of the late Lord Kelvin, at
that time plain William Thomson. He
discovered that the current through a
long cable would arrive gradually at
the receiving end and devised the ap-
paratus which rendered it possible to
utilize such current for making the
Morse signals. 1t was through disre-
gard Of his theoretical predictions that
the first Atlantic cable, in 1858, was
ruined by too powerful currents. With,
out his mirror galvanometer to trans
late into visible signals the delicate
impulses received through the cable
the enterprise would have been a CON-
plete failure.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-06
Tho Dogs Tail.

A prominent citizen was on trial
charged with harboring vicious dog.
The attorney for the defense had
been consulting dog expert and had
learned that if dog holds his tail up
over his back when he barks he is not
angry, while if he holds it straight out
behind him he is in a belligerent, blood
thirsty frame Of mind. Anxious to air
his newly acquired information, the
lawyer began cross questioning the
prosecuting witness thus:
'Now, did you notice the position in
which this dogs tail was held when he
came at your
IT did not" said the witness, t'for
that was not the end from which
anticipated injury. had another end
in view. Now, if the dog had been a
hornet
mo lev1ty, STRIP numbered the attor-
ney. ANSWER the question. In what
position was the dogs tail when he
came at your
II believe, sir,'' faltered the terrified
witness, "that it was behind him.
Chicago News.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-06
"The Greatest Wieower."

This is said to be the title of a genu-
inc essay evolved some years ago by a
boy in a Welsh board school:
'King Henry VIII. was the greatest
widower that ever lived. He was born
at Ammo Domini in the year 1866. He
had $40 wives besides children. The
first was beheaded and executed. The
second was revoked. She never smiled
again. But she said the word Calais
would be found on her heart after her
death. The greatest man in this reign
was Lord Sir Garret Wolsey. He was
sir named the Boy Bachelor. he was
born at the age Of 10, unmarried.
Henry Will was succeeded on the
throne by his great-grandmother, the
beautiful and accomplished Mary,
queen Of Scots, sometimes known as
the Lady Of the Lakev'
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-06
An Irish Tale.

One day an Irishman, having put his
hat upon gate post by which he lay
down to sleep, sprang up at midnight
and, mistaking the object for an en-
envy, dealt it desperate cut with his
scythe. Perceiving his mistake, the
man gave thanks to heaven that he
had taken it off before lying down.
"For," said he, chad my head been in
that hat, tits ten to one 1 had laid 1t
open with my scythe, and tits a dead
man would have been SEEM mesilf at
this minute London Captain.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-06
PINE TIrlBER SALE.
STATE OF MINNESOTA
County of Washington

County of Washington
District Court
Nineteenth Judicial District
Grand Forks Lumber Company. Plaintiff
Mcclure Logging Company. Defendant.
in pursuance of an order of sale made in the
above entitled cause on the 9th day Of june
4. D. 1908, by Hon. P. Fl. stolberg, District
signed Northwestern Trust Company as
Receiver OF the above named defendant in
the above entitled cause to sell the pine
said order and hereinafter described. the said
Receiver will on the 18th day Of August, A.
p. 1908, at 10 O'clock in the forenoon of that
Endicott Building in the city Of St. Paul
Ramsey county. Minnesota. offer for sale and
sell at public AUCTION. to the highest bidder
being upon the following described lands
Beltrami and State of Minnesota. wit:
section three ~; lot four "a of section nine (s)
northwest quarter Of northwest quarter Of
section ten u0): southeast quarter Of south
east quarter OF section eleven lD; northwest
quarter of southwest quarter and lot number
seven 90 of section thirteen 13); and the
secon and Se
quarter of southeast quarter of section
twenty coy; southeast quarter OF northeast
quarter of section thirty-three 1897; all in
township one hundred and forty nine Q49l
north Of range three-three (33) west. And
lot one ID and south west quarter of north
west quarter of section two (2). and lot one C)
and southeast quarter Of northeast gu AFTER
northeast quarter of southwest quarter in
section twelve az; all in township one
hundred and forty-nin U49) north of range
thirty-four (34 west
NORTHW ESTERN TRUST COMPANY.
Receiver.
BY Iral Oehler. Secretary
Dated this End day Of July, A. u, 1905
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-06
; Not Far to- Go.

The reporter hurried up to the scene
of the accident. A workman engaged
on some scaffolding lad missed his
footing and had fallen many feet into
the street below. Then the reporter
went of to interview the unfortunate
man, who luckily had escaped with a
very severe shaking and a few nasty
bruises. and asked alphabetically:
Did you have vertigo, my man?''
"Oh, no, sir; only about thirty five
feet Quite far enough for me, though .
Pearson,s. ls
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-06
An Omission.

Magistrate-What is the charge
against you this time? Boggs-They
cotched me a-stealing oranges, yer
worship. Magistrate-Didn't tell you
when you were here before not to steal
anything more? Boggs-No, yer wor-
ship; you said not to steal any more
lemons, but yer didn't say a word
about oranges.-London Graphic
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-06
Helping the Burglar Out.

"John," she whispered, there's a
burglar in the drawing room. He has
just knocked against the piano and hit
several keys at once.'
I'LL 60 down." said he.
"Oh, John, don't do anything rash!''
Crash! Why, I'm going to help
him. You don't suppose he can re-
move the piano from the house with
out assistancew- Throne.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-06
Quite the Contrary.

The Sympathetic Friend-It must be
very hard to lose money at the races.
Smith "a plunger)-Hard! Hang it,
old chap, it's the easiest thing in the
orld!-London Opinion.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-06
Wide Awake,

Fuddle-You know Stocks, don't you?
Doctor-Yes, indeed. He is now pa
tient Of mine. Fuddle-Pretty wide
awake man, isn't he? Doctor-I should
say 50. am treating him for insom-
n1a.-London Tit-Bits.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-06
SHAKE IT OFF,.
Rid Yourself of Unnecessary Burdens
A Bemidii Citizen Shows
You How.

Don't bear unnecessary burdens.
Burdens of bad back are un-
necessary.
Get rid of them.
Doan's Kidney Pills cure bad
backs; a.
Cure lame, weak and aching
backs;
Cure every form of kidney ills.
Lots of local endorsement to
prove this.
Clyde Johnson, living at 1914
Bemidji avenue, Bemidji, Mimi,
says: 81 had been feeling very
miserable for sometime and I was
enduring a great DEAL of suffering
from kidney complaint. There
was pain in my back and during
the early part of the day, felt
languid and tired out, and the
soreness caused me great discom-
fort. I decided to try a reliable
kidney remedy and went to The
Owl Drug Store, and procured a
box of Doan's Kidney pills. I
used them according to directions,
soon the pains disappeared and
that tired, languid feeling van
ished. I know Doan's Kidney
Pills to be a reliable remedy and
can recommend them to. anyone
suffering from kidney complaint. :"
For sale by all dealers. Price
so cents. Foster-Milb Co.,,
Buffalo, New York, sole agents
for the United States.
Remember the name Doan's
and take no other.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-06

There is no use running. To set out
in time Is the main point.-La Fon-
tame. a. .:..
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-06
PROFESSIONAL
G A R D 8 :.
MRS. BEERE, Dermatolo2ist

Manicuring, Shampooing, Scien-
tific Massage and Scalp Treat
ments. Moles, Warts and Super
fuous Hair removed by electricity
Phone 40 Schroeder Bldg {.
The Southern farm gazette. (Starkville, Miss.) 1895-1909, 1908-05-02
Comment SuRgested by Recent Issues.
BY Prot. ". r. Massey.

the fertilizers on credit. the mules
on credit. the hay on credit. the meat
on credit. and in the fall have to
rush the cotton of at any old price
to pay their debts. II will come
through good farming only. less land
in cotton and more cotton per acre.
an. hence cheaper production. Itis
TO be hoped that the farmers OF the
South have had experience enough
in oyeracreaEe to make them eau
tious about spreading over 90 much
land and putting troopers In TO still
further increase the weak cotton tn
the fall.
The Southern farm gazette. (Starkville, Miss.) 1895-1909, 1908-05-02
Beauty for the Farm Home Need
not be Costly.

That picture on the accoad page Last week shows ~hl what
pretty foliage may do for the home grounds Country people
have little idea OF the value set on home adjournment by tho
wealthy people OF the ei,iea ~i,h land worth Thousands of dol.
lars ~ foot. Near where lived. In West Philadelphia. In fact.
IN the next block. Is the paiatial home Of tho Clark family.
covering an entire city block troin +2nd 10 tsra street aud
from Spruce to Locust Splendid specimens OF III. original
forest trees .il stand ~ the ground. and there arr clumpa
of ihodoaendrona tha, when In bloom in many eotora are
a xr.a, attraction. Then tho unaua,inE grounds have tho
grecuea; OF srass. and the most gorgeous aowcr beds. ~'h we'll
made walks winding through the acres Tho public spirited
family ALLOW the public 10 wander n will In tho grounds. III.
only condition being that they do no damage and keep away
from in from, of the mansion. This place Ia probably worth a
quarter Of II million or more. and all kept tor beauty. Right
vest ot tha place. ON the other aide Of .5rd street is a smaller
place. but the most artaicaly planted plac. in West Phila-
deiphia. II extends tho whole block from Spruce to Locust
and Is two or thrc" lots deep. All along t3rd stree, tho wide
avn extends. aud rhododcndvonH. asaleaa. aud other Towering
shrubs. and among the&e many kinds of hardy Towering her
baceoua plants. keep up "a continual display of bloom all
summc OF course thcse are tho homcs Of wealthy people. for
no others could afford to keep land for beauty tina, Is worth
nty thousand doliara IA II acrc.
But what want to sy is this. that In II Southern land
there Is plenty of room around tho most humble home a. have
just a = much beauty n n uthing cost IA - these millionaire have
AT NJ great u cost. and IL y | have said. the planting oil roe
aud hhrubbery aud beautiful lawns about the house viii not
only make IL more homeiIk. but will add dollars to the value OF
every acre o the farm should Il have to be- noid.
Our Southern homes can be made ~ more attractive than
these In the Northern city. because Nc have such "A wealth OF
material 10 draw upon that will live and thrive In tho south
but not ia the North.
But do not merely plant IA grove around ii house. Trees
are desirable. OF course. but the place should not be + covered
with trees that " g have no open space for IA grassy lawn: and
them all up 10 tall stems. 4 magnolia with It's branches sweep
ing the ground and towering In II conical form Is much more
attractive than one trimmed up TO IL bare stem. And the conf
erous evergreen especially should never be trimmed up to n
bare trunk. hope To have more To say later In regard To the
planting OF home grounds and the things to plant.
w. +. MASSEY.
The Southern farm gazette. (Starkville, Miss.) 1895-1909, 1908-05-02
Churnlc~s Huttcr.

The patented process In only an
old method that has been used for
generations In the making OF what
ls called D~cvonshire cream. and any
ono can learn tho process wi,hou,
buying n patcn, right. That a pat
ont can DO gotten on tho process
merely shows tho ignorance Of tho
men whose duty II IL to examine and
pass on claima. Professor M!chcia
IAN toll them the process. and II he
cannot. | can. and when you have
,sed the process you will not have
butter.
The Southern farm gazette. (Starkville, Miss.) 1895-1909, 1908-05-02
Reducing the Cotton Acreage.

What an awful amount of human
labor wasted to produce only H.
100000 bales on over $1,000. GOO
acres, when II every farmer in the
South really farmcd. the crop could
have been made on 1000. 900 acres
and the nearly 10000. 600 that were
scratched over in cotton could have
been growing forage for stock. corn.
wheat and grass. That Ia what
acreage reduction means. Il means
better preparation Of the soil. crop
rotation for the development Of the
productive capacity Of the coil We
cannot. OF course. hope 10 get the
b~ale-pcr-acrc standard all nj once
but what a rich country the South
will be II ever w" get tn making tn"
crop Of the season on an equal mum.
her Of acres for tho bale production
hut il viii never Come while far.
mcr~ plant every acre they ave in
cotton and depend solely an
cial fertilizer tn make n crop. but
The Southern farm gazette. (Starkville, Miss.) 1895-1909, 1908-05-02

feeding cattle. II farmers do not
surprised at scent cotton next fall
The Southern farm gazette. (Starkville, Miss.) 1895-1909, 1908-05-02

| am well pleased with the attrac-
tive ad. Am doing all | can to help
your paper.-Mrs. !. W. s. Lynwood.
Miss.
The Southern farm gazette. (Starkville, Miss.) 1895-1909, 1908-05-02

For the past two years the De
partment of Agriculture has shown
that the acreage Of cotton was far
over 31.00O,O 900 acres, and the crop
last year was 1850. 600 bales. or
something over one-third OF a bale
per acre. And yet there were far
mers all over the South who made a
bale per acre. and here and there
one who made a bale and a half to
two bales. What a great number
there must be, then. who are max
ing less than a third OF a bale per
acre 10 bring the average down.
The Southern farm gazette. (Starkville, Miss.) 1895-1909, 1908-05-02
shall tho Cotton Farmer Shut
Down."

Ito should certainly shu; down TO
sue.half tho area no intended IN
liant. and put the same labor and
determine 10 improve all his land
through y good rotation and the
growing Of lcgumc forage crops and
The Southern farm gazette. (Starkville, Miss.) 1895-1909, 1908-05-02

cHuFAS CHCFAS CHCFAS CuUFAS
CHtFAS Plan, any time from CHuFiS
. May ioth TO June tnth.
tItt ~ Your hogs will bar.
,,,,.,... vest them this fall -
Nd and thrive Good se.si -
rs,.-r.c ~ n tsck. a. "a push- x..
40 81. Send money order ~
fJlIEAs n. r.. MtRSHtLI. r-r,u-r.s
totIsnrHa. u. e ~
New-York tribune., 1908-08-14
TIE CTRAN CAMPAIGN.

The retirement of Mr. Alfred Zayas from the
Presidential campaign in Cuba is said TO have
caused great surprise. We really cannot see
WHY it should have done So His action was
not only praiseworthy but also sensible and
logical. For long time he and MFR. Miguel
Gomez have been the leading Liberal candi-
dates for the Presidential nomination. Each has
conducted an earnest and persistent campaign,
and each has had numerous, devoted and en-
thusiastic followers The recent elections for
provincial and municipal officers were regarded
as serving the purpose Of Presidential primaries
and as indicating whether Mr.. Zayas or Mr..
Gomez was preferred by a majority Of the
Liberal party. The result was emphatic and
unmistakable. Mr.. Gomez through the csndi-
dates put forward by his wing of the party,
polled above so per cent more votes than Mr..
Zayas Mr. Zayas thereupon promptly and
gracefully accepts the popular verdict and with
draws from the campaign in order that the en-
tire Liberal support may he concentrated upon
the candidate who is favored by the great ma
jority of the party 1t would have been sur
prising if a man of sound perceptions and of
patrjotic devotion had taken any other course.
II is obviously necessary for the Liberals thus
! In mite upon their strongest candidate if they
are 10 win the Presidential election in Decem-
bar next In the recent elections they were
generally beaten because of their factional d.
vision United, they had handsome majority
of The votes Divided, each of their factions
was in a minority and the Conservatives won by
a substantial plurality. Had the votes been
cast as they were, but directly for Presiden-
tiaI candidates Mr.. Menocal, Conservative,
would have been elected by 1o5,71S votes,
against % 241 for Mr.. Gomez and $3.50 for
MIR Zayas But had the entire Liberal vote
been given 10 Mr.. Gomez he would have been
elected by LOG s4l 10 1o5.71s for his ConserYa-
tive opponent II Is to be assumed that Mr..