davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07
THE JOKE BUSINESS.
Barter and Sale of Gags For Use On
 the Stage.

Mile. Manhattan in New York Telegraph.
 Saw Lew Dockstader and William F. / Kirk colloguing away up Broadway just now, and by the cherubio gayety that the newspaper humorist had just handed him a good one for next seasons show.
 All the newspaper jokesters rise up and call the stage blessed these days, for there is ready, not to say an anx- ious and feverish, demand from vaude- vile and minstrel stars for new gags, and the same sort of jokes for which the funny papers pay s2. command . large yellow lO-spot from stage comed- ians
 Thus do the two great professions lend themselves to each others necessities. (Profound refection.)
 And by the way, Ray McCardel and Walter Pulitzer add glittering piles of shekels to their rainy day hoard from the sale of funny quips and jests to stage comedians who write their own stuff"
 So does Kate Masterson, and George Ade isn't above writing stage gags for a price.
 John J. Jennings does fiourishing busi- ness in encore verses, and Clyde Fitch relaxes on his lofty pedestal occasionally and sells scream or two to Lew Dock- stader.
 Charlie Ross gathers in lot of candy money from the sale of those mother-in- law jokes you laugh at in vaudeville, and dear Pete Daley was responsible for more winning gags than any accredited author in the business. But Pete was too generous to sell his jokes-he gave 'em away and built many reputation for others by his own sparkling m- promptus.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07
Gov. HugheS' Race in New York

As the September convention of the republican party of New York draws near the contest between the politi- clans and the rank and file becomes more acute. It is a desperate conflict, every office holder and every boss, big or little, being opposed to the renomi- nation of Governor Hughes for gov ernor, while the rank and file favor his renomination.
 To certain limited extent the poli- ticians have been compelled to concede the adoption of the primary plan. Del egates to district and county conven- tions are elected as rule in primaries, and the primary principle promises to lead to the downfall of the bosses.
 The politicians have no commanding personality to pit against Governor Hughes, and the chances are very good they will surrender on the ground that no other republican can carry the state. And yet every politician hates Governor Hughes because he never works with them, never consults them when offices are to be handed out. He has no machine, and seems to want none.
 It is a peculiar situation. Ordinarily a man without machine could not be nominated against the solid opposition of the politicians in highly organized political state. But Governor Hughes appeal is directly to the rank and file. He may be renominated. He probably will be, but can he then be reelected The state of New York is full of un- employed wage-workers, and how they can be held in line without the aid of the politicians no one can readily point out. The entire situation is novel and peculiar.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07
About Persons.

The friends of rFank A. Hewitt, Jr., that he is seriously, though not danger ously, i'll at his home on North High lands. Seized with an attack of ptomaine poisoning Wednesday afternoon he has been unconscious since that time.
 William L. Easley, fire insurance man rom San Antonio. was in the city yes- terday on business in connection with his company MT. Easley, who is accom- panied by his little daughter, will spend the latter part of the month in the moun- tains of North Carolina.
 
 senator Joseph F. Johnston left yes terday afternoon for Dubuque. Ia, to at-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07
Beer In Georoia,

with the Georgia legislature providing for license for nearbeer' malt bever- ages containing under ? per cent of all cohol-the ex-saloons in Atlanta and other cities that were for a short time strictly dry. will soon begin to look like old time bars,' said a temperance man.
 Mild beer-the 31a per cent article should never have come under the head of intoxicating liquor, much less near beer. It would be next to impossible for an adult to get tipsy on American brewed beer. l hope that Alabama will follow Georgia's sensible modification of prohibition
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07
CHRIS ISTINE.

By John Hay. The beauty of the northern dawns,
 Their pure, pale lights is thine; Yet all the dreams of tropic nights
 Within thy blue eyes shine. Not statelier in their prisoning seas
 The iceuergs grandly move, But in thy smile is youth and joy,
 And in thy voice Is love. Thou art like Hecla's crest that stands So lonely. proud and high, No earthly thing may come between
 Her summit and the sky. The sun in vain may try to melt
 Her crown of virgin snow, But the great heart of the mountain glowi With deathless fire below.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07
Music In Summer.

Tn great city like Chicago the high class amusements and refined pleasures are as plentiful in summer as in winter" said travelling man of musical tastes.
 "One can certainly hear more good music in Chicago during the dog days than can be heard in any other large city. Programmes of popular but artistic character are now being rendered daily by the Thomas orchestra. and besides this attraction We have others of light CT musical vein."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.

From the New York Press.
 The reason a woman wants a good figure is to show her contempt for those who haven't.
 A convenient thing about a mans Wife cooking meal for him Is he can grum- ble over 1t without her giving notice.
 Even when 1t practically murders a woman to go yachting with seasickness she has lovely time, because 1t makes the women who can't so mad.
 There can never be great deal oi pleasure in riding in flying machines when they are in vogue because they won't throw dust in the faces of the peo- ple who can't afford them.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07
Count Zeppelin's AlP Voyage

The mammoth dirigibls gas balloon
 that Count Zeppelin planned. built and
 steered completed on Tuesday . flight of 350 miles from Lake Constance via Basle to Mayence, q distance oi 250 miles. Without stopping at Mayence the big balloon was turned homeward. The turn at Mayence, took place at Il o'clock on Tuesday night Defects in the machinery induced Count Zeppelin to bring his bis sirship ts tss ground
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07

tend the funeral of the late Senator AL lison of that state. Senator Johnston re- ceiyed notification from Vice President Fairbanks of his appointment as mem- Der of the official Senate committee to attend the obsequies and left immediate ly. He will probably be away until the latter part of next week.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07

Young Turkey and the Sultan are still at odds. The former want more concessions, and they are in position to get them, for the army stands by them.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07

'It doesn't pay to trife with your di- gestion," remarked the prying person to the lunch counter fiend.
 And it doesn't pay to take all the fool advice you hear. either!' said the lunch counter fiend to the prying person.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07

Holland and Cip. Castro are not on speaking terms, nor yet are they hank ering for actual war. The former cat tie thief seems to be working the Mon- roe doctrine to . fraxzleA
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07
WHILE AWAY FROM HOME.

Birmingham people who are leaving home for the summer should have The A9e-Herald follow them and thus keep Informed about what is taking place in the city and state during their absence. The AseHerald will be sent to ther, at any address at the regular price, and the address will be chanqed as often as desired.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07

The Hon. c. Rumsey Sheldon has opened in quiet way-in New York the dough bag, but he wants no dollar subscriptions. and he is beating no drums.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07

Most people in New York go over or under the enclosing rivers. but the courts still compel the ferry boats to run. Why, no one knows.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07

When the Sultan handed out new constitution he did it by means of "hatt" He may attempt to construe one by talking through the other.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07

The fleet is nearing Auckland, New Zealand, where 1t will no doubt get full of political and social reforms and sev- eral other things.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07
THE WAY yOIr EEET,

THE WAY YOU FEEL. Success depends on how you feel, The temper of your soul; Just make the best of woe and veal And struggle for the goal. If you are down and out get up, There's nothing else to do; And though you drink from sorrows .
 cup,
 Keep happiness in view. Success depends on how you feel, With courage in your heart, You won't lie down beneath the wheel, But bravely do your part 'Tis hope alone will make you strong. For better or for worse And help you as you plod along To conquer each reverse.
 A SONG. Tive in my heart and pay no
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07

The young Turks are keeping their hands on their guns while they accept the new constitution handed out by the Sultan.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07
REPLIES.

REPLIES.
 A woman who was at the head of a school for girls has decided to manage mule farm. Compared to her former job, this looks like a snap.
 It is hard not to believe that Mir Hearst is all right when Mir Graves says so. A mans wife is called his better half because that is usually the impression she creates.
 Let us be joyful" says the New York Telegram. All right. Got a corkscrew? Another form of auto-suggeston is the automobile 'Honl1l Honkr It suggests lodging.
 One of the slickest fellows on record has been making love to two landladies at the same time.
 Before long it will be customary to re- mark, "I have just received an ethergram saying, Take the next arship home '' PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07
MELLOWED.

When man has taken six stiff drinks And then, we'll say, two others, Iris surely good old world, he thinks, And all men are his brothers.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07

MT. Hartman attends to railroading while MT. Hitchcock attends to poli- tics. The Hon. c. Rumsey Sheldon attends to both.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07

The primary school teachers in NICK ico are paid S100 a month, and they earn the money.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07

Dr. Wiley is called the Secretary oi Our Interiors.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07

The cricket sign is said to presage an early frost, but crickets are moi infallible
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07

Castro is the irrltant fly of the na- tions, and none of them seem to be willing to take slap at him, he's so small.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES

Now his heart is just little pile of dust and the tenant who came to live there is dust also, but the song is as fresh today as 1t ever was and will never die.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07

Candidate Hisgen Is rival of the Standard Oil in the axle grease trade. He declines to serve John D. in any way.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07
EQUIPPED.

What qualifications has he for diplom- acy?"
 Well, he's swift side-stepper and a boss four-flusher."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07
 DRIFTING.

DRIFTING. Drifting along, drifting along, With little to win, at best, And only the thought that the goal long sought Will offer a tired heart rest. Drifting along, drifting along, If the days be dark or fair, Iris better to hope than 1t is to nope, No matter what loads we bearl
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07

The Mormons say that polygamy is played out One wife and buzz wagon is all any Mormon feels like indulging in.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07

If the republicans of New York throw Governor Hughes overheard they will have lot of explaining to do.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07

The government refuses to let by zones be bygones in the matter Of that S29, 900 fine.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07

Yellow streaks will occur in any baseball record, while the general aver age stays good.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07

If the tariff wall has got to stand then hasten the day of airships that can fly over it.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07
EyERYBoDY,s WELCOME.

EvERYBODY's WELCOME. Busy times at Fairview,
 A great procession throngs The road that leads to Fairview While cheers and campaign songs Proclaim the Peerless Leader To all the world about. Oh, come away to Fairview, The latch strings hanging outi
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07

Hisgen will not reach the White House, but he will certainly boom his axle grease.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07

MT. Roosevelt should not be planning to shoot his party's emblem.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07

Mail order houses fill every order except those from the matrimonially inclined.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07
IN A BATHING SUIT.

He did most of his wooing at the seashore, I believe"
 Yes. He said he wanted to know her just as she really was"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07
SUCCESS.

He did the best he could,
 Kept still and just sawed wood. And when some years went by He lived in style. oh myi
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07
LuXuRY

LUXURY.
 dreamed I dwelt in marble halls
 And my soul was steeped in bliss, And I thought, My room where the laundryman calls Was never the like O thisr'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07

"Colonel Sozzle likes to refresh his soul with strong beverages"
 Indeed, he does. The colonel's idea of a good time Is one with straw in it.''
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07
IMPOSSIBLE.

What makes you think sop He doesn't owe penny"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07

'He couldn't live a blameless life, no matter how hard he tried.''
 Why couldn't her"
 Didn't you know he had a wife?"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07

The sky really puts no limits on sky scrapers.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07
ITS HATED THUS.

Ere long Jack Frost will come again To decorate the window pane. Am where we once bought short-weight
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07
WHEN TIME IS MONEY.
THE JULEP.

How long has your wife been away?s 'fOh, about six checks"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07

Suit the action to the word, the word
 to the action. Hamlet.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07
A HOT REJOINDER

We'll ask the coal man bout his price.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07
Al SONG.

Live in my heart and pay no rent" sang the poet in years gone by.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-07
NOTHING TO WORRY OVER. tr ;fo v,,,,.4 sao,,, eao~f,,II,, .a.x.a A.. H..

"Life must seem fearfully tame to him
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1908-06-11
Sugar Beet Lands.

Every observing man must have no
ticed that the advent of the sugar In
dustry in Colorado has surely had an
effervescing effect on land values, and
this is one of the most satisfactory fea-
lures arising from the business. We
have seen land advance in price from
$50 or $50 to $500 and $500 an acre,
but we must imagine that the latter
figure Is about the limit when the
earning capacity of a farm is based
on its percentage Of earning from an
nual crops. The effect of beet culture
has been to bring down the average
size of the farms to twenty or thirty
acres, but of course we still have many
of 100 and 300 in extent AS intensive
farming Is the rule, however, the or
binary grower finds twenty or thirty
acres about all he can manage when
put in beets. dependent, as he is. upon
the uncertainties Of such labor as may
stray along Another salutary effect
has been the Improvement In cultural
methods, and this Is shown tentatively
In all other crops, says Denver Field
and Farm. The introduction of alfalfa
as a fertilizer to beet lands has proved
a great stroke In advancing the science
of farming, for the system Is gradually
coming into use In all other lines Of
farm production In places where the
fertility of the soil is deteriorating.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1908-06-11
uns, LIE Wa. | title Valued.

The 223 capital offenses which the
old English law recognized as punish
able by death did not keep down crime.
and with the abolition of the death
penalty for all crimes but murder
crime in England. as well as every
where else all over the world where
the death penalty has been modified.
lessened markedly. notes the Boston
Traveller.
Edmond Burke said that he could In
his time obtain the assent OF the
house Of commons to any bill that car
ried the death punishment
AFman's life was not very valuable
In those strenuous days. If he scratch
ed his name ON Westminster bridge.
II he wore a wig or false mustache or
any other disguise on public road. II
he cut down a young tree. II be stole
property worth moro than $1.25. If he
had been transported for crime and re-
turned day ahead of the expiration
OF his term Of punishment. II be wrote
4 threatening letter. II he stole hide
from q tanners. for any and all OF
these things and for. 200 more than
these he was hanged by the neck until
he was dead
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1908-06-11
Gave II Up.

A friend Of the writer recently made
application for public appointment In
a small Scottish town, and, thinking
that his chances of success would be
greater by little judicious canvass
ing, he resolved to call upon few of
the town councillors, In whose hands
the appointment lay. OF the civic dig
nitaries position In private life he
knew nothing. Journeying to the town
In question, he hired cab at the rail-
way station and requested the jehu
to take him to Councillor Bissets, the
treasurer. The councillor was found
In his blacksmith's shop shoeing a
horse.
"Ill see somebody of more impor-
lance than this, anyhow" said the can
didate to himself. and, turning to the
driver, he said, "Drive me to Councillor
Maitlands Office"
The cabman thereupon drove him to
the local joiner's shop. This was
worse even than the smithy, and In
despair ne CALCULATED:
Drive me to Councillor Gray's."
II am Councillor Gray, sir" replied
the cabman.
The answer staggered the candidate.
He quietly paid his fare and disap-
peared. resolved to leave his rate In
their hands without prejudicing them
in any way in his favor. = London
Standard
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1908-06-11
Cost Of RAISING a Calf.

There are some things Of which do
not keep strict debit and credit ac-
count. and raising calves to cows Is
one. but | strongly suspect that can
not produce good. well grown heifer
with her first calf for $50 or perhaps
500. but the expense comes gradually.
and after awhile one has fine young
COW and does not always have the SEQ
to buy one. Then the strong point Is
that II the calf has been bred right.
with a good COW for its dam and for
its sire bull descended from line OF
dairy kings and queens. II the calf has
been fed right and the heifer fed right
and enough and handled right we can
embrace the reasonable assurance that
the calf win develop into o heifer and
the heifer into COW that win mature
into usefulness worthy Of her In.
heritance.-W. II. McSparran.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1908-06-11
Saltinq the Butter.

Good fine dairy salt should be used
and never the common coarse barrel
salt that is used by many. The sailing
may be done in the churn when the
butter Is In the granular form IL it Is
a box or barrel churn. The salt can
be sifted on the butter by putting on
part, then revolving the churn halfway
over, thus making the butter fall with
the sailed side down, then sitting on
the rest OF the salt Then revolve the
churn few times, after which the but
ter can be taken out and worked on
butter worker.-C. p Goodrich.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1908-06-11

That 1t Is not always well to put
on ones dowdiest garments when one
goes to visit the poor Is the moral
Of story .old IN an English maya.
zine recently. There were two phil
lanthropists. according to the taie. one
a professional and the other an anna
teur The professional had arranged
to take the amateur TO a gathering OF
slum dwcllers In the east end OF Lon
don. At the appointed hour the anna
teur, who happens % be a duchess and
q great beauty. appeared at the house
~s<her friend. dazzling apparition In
court dress, tiara and jewels. oh
nv dear" gasped the professional
falling helplessly into the nearest
chair, don't you know that we arr
going to one OF the lowest and mos
ooualid ulums7 can't promise tina
Won WIN bring any Of that back witt
YOU" But the beauty only laughed
seVhatS all right" she said Il quit
dn6orstnnd you. But poor people Low
hsoufiful thlnss. Their children esp<
,r1nlly AZ captivatsd with nne dreese
srn foofhoxn Just walt and you wi
ooofs Ana the professional aid ~
I3cro pooe, half starved, half make
61rm 6wo1lon had even Tor no one Du
~ 1onnllng young beauty who a.
Ncnc fhom ~ in6niiB honor Of comm
- - thsm y hsf most beautirs
npcls ond Jewels.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1908-06-11

Winnipeg Record: The recent re-
port issued by the Saskatchewan de
partment of agriculture contains
some valuable and interesting infor-
nation on the subject of flax raising
and gives comparison of the yield
of wheat and fax per acre and the re-
spective prices obtained during the
past three years. The average yearly
yield of flaxseed is placed at twelve
bushels per acre and Of wheat about
nineteen and one-half bushels per
acre. AS regards prices the report
goes on to say that as high as s1.Ss
per bushel was paid for fiaxseed last
year and the average price about
$l.27.
How far the raising of fax would
be a Profitable venture for new set
tiers is an important question and
we'll worthy of every consideration
from the farmers point of view. To
obtain the most satisfactory results
In fiaxseed 1t must not be sown year
after year In the fame soil; there
should be proper iotation OF crops.
The best results are as;---sssss got when
flaxseed Is sown after the first break
ing OF the prairie sod. To new set.
tiers flaxseed Is one OF the most salts.
factory and profitable crops to deal
with. not only because 1t can be sown
later than any other crop. but also
because when sown on first breaking
It prepares the land for wheat crop
the following year. Thus the farmer
gets the advantage Of good paying
crop the first year frsm land which
would otherwise yield him no return
at all and he has q bigger crop Of
wheat on the same soil the following
years, because the fax crop rots the
sod and disintegrates II.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1908-06-11
FEEDING Roots to- HOGS.

1t is usually better to feed green or
succulent feed whole and apart from
the meal. Where the roots have to be
pulped, however, as Is the case with
sugar beets and turnips, dry meal may
be mixed with the pulped mass and
prove very satisfactory. Roots or sue
culent feeds need, with one or two ex-
,eptions, never be cooked. Potatoes,
turnips and pumpkins, however, are
more valuable cooked than raw. H
Grisdale
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1908-06-11
Fodder For Wether Lambs.

There is no doubt as to the prefer
ence of the sheep In the choice of fod
ders. Glover hay seems to be the fod
Ter they relish most. then pea straw
corn fodder and timothy hay. The
condition of the fodder will materially
influence the gain, for If it is musty
burned or dusty or has been allowed
TO grow too coarse they will neglect It.
Two or three pounds of any of the
Folders mentioned will be about the
quantity that wether lambs nine OF
ten months old will eat daily through
the fattening period.-Craig.