The Colorado statesman., 1908-02-22
HAS NEVER FAILED
BREAKFAST FOOD TEST FOR AN
ENGLlSHMAN.
Try This and Be Convinced That
There's Nothing Better to Spring
on Briton, Masculine
or Feminine.


A young American woman who has
recently married a British husband
was holding forth one day to group
of friends on the subject of interna-
tional marriage.
Il do love to read all the bosh that's
written in the papers about it." she
said; they paint dark pictures of the
| foreign vulture about to descend on
the American dove, etc, etc, and dis
course learnedly on the causes of
failure of most of these marriages, and
it's really the simplest thing in the
world-youve got to use discernment,
that's all. There are various tests that
can be applied to men of different
nations, but I'm convinced that there's
nothing better to spring on a Briton,
masculine or feminine, than the break
fast-food test.
Il wasn't on to it when married, and
it was Algy's sister who unconsciously
gave me the tip. She came over to
make us visit, and l own that l shook
in my boots. She's older than Algy,
you know, by good deal, and 1 had
a desperate feeling that she disap-
proved of everything American, par
ticularly myself Algy worked over
time to persuade me to the contrary,
but l was used to our talky-talky
women and quite failed to grasp that
her apparent aloofness might be due
to nothing but shyness.
80 when she asked to be shown
my kitchen 1 quaked. 1 bravely rose
10 I,n c{N hnu 1A1 bA-
thither. She frowned bit at the ic-
box and said meat safe would be
far less extravagant at this time of
year-she shifted openly at my gas
range which she was certain was
'smelly'-but her face was picture
when her eye fell on the cupboard
shelf where the breakfast foods live.
She first asked what they were, and 1
volubly explained the different sorts
from sand and shavings through pull
verified whisk-brooms.
"'But surely you don't eat them?'
she inquired.
"'Surely we do 1 returned val
iantly.
"She gave a sort of grunt, then
looked from the box she was holding.
DotS AlSSIuOn edI IhcHi BIG
asked in a how-have- the e-mighty-fallen
sort of tone.
"'He eats oatmeal l explained and
It was funny to see how relieved she
looked, for she had been distressed to
death to see him drink coffee at break
fast in place of the revered and tradi-
tional tea, and 1 suppose she feared
that he was becoming fundamentally
'Amurrican.' But all she said was:
"Aow, porridge?
"Then a sudden thought occurred ~
me-Td get her to taste one of~those
breakfast foods. She was holding a
box of crispy sweet sort of things not
unlike popcorn.
"Taste it, Amy urged; it doesn't
have to be cooked, you know, and it's
rather fun to eat it right out of the
box
"She looked darkly suspicious, then
drew out few flakes, holding them as
If they were slumbering hornets with
a potential sting. But 'sicked' her on,
and eventually she made the leap. l
waited anxiously, and the suspicious
expression slowly left her face, making
room for one of rather pleased sur
prise.
"'Not so nawsty," she pronounced,
and smiled at me, and from that mo-
ment we were friends
i've tried it on lots of English peo-
pie since, and later events have never
failed to confirm it's infallibility, for
the unprogressive, unadaptable mind
betrays itself every time. So if you
want to marry an Englishman, invite
him to breakfast-and try it, she
finished.