davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16
HYHAWKER WTS

A new rate sheet has been issued
by the BARRIERS of Waverly which
fixes a new sch edule of prices. An
additional nickel will be charged for
a neck shave. This goes to show that
Waverly is slowly but surely getting
abreast of the times.
An Atchison couple are insisting
that they are entitled to some fame.
They used to live neighbors to VIII
liam Jennings Bryan, and when their
daughter, who is now grown, was
small, the famous Nebraskan used to
hold her on his lap.
They're getting SO real nice down
at lola these days that the library
board has decided to take the motor
ious Three Weeks" from the shelves.
Maybe the members of the board will
draw lots to see which one of them
shall gain permanent possession of it.
There was a real old fashioned
gathering one day last week at Frank
Haynes farm near Sterling. His
neighbors gathered there to help him
single his barn. There were ten men
Singing on each side and they did
not get the work nearly done. This
indicates that the barn is a large one.
There's a good deal of excitement
in Junction City just now. A young
man who had new ring was showing
it with great pride to his friends who
were gathered on a street corner. A
young WOuldA SlOPPSu dl1Q d4So dd-
nired it for a moment Then she
grabbed it and vamoosed. She has
the ring yet and the young man ha,
taken no steps to prosecute her for
theft. What's the answer?
Some weeks ago Miss Jean Barack-
man, singer at the Bijou theater in AL
lance, lost five dollar bill either in
the hall or on the street The other
day she received her money back in a
peculiar manner. She got letter
containing a. brief note which was I'M
signed and also a five dollar bill. The
communication was to the effect that
the writer had found the bill, had had
imme diate and imperative need to use
the money and 1t had not been pos
sible to return it at an earlier date.
D. A Van Urine of Salina has a
puzzling question to solve. In that
town, Santa Fe and Iron avenues di-
vide the four wards. Mr.. Van Trine's
new house is located in the middle Of
Iron avenue at the end Of the street.
He is living within the city limits and
has a right to vote but part of his
house is in the Second ward and part
in the Third, so he doesn't know in
which one to case his vote. As the
folks in Salina are not prescriptions
about most things, it is suggested to
Mr.. Van Urine that he vote in both
wards.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.

rFrom the Philadelphia Record.1
We like our friends to be caudid-about
other people.
Some people are too stingy to even tell
q Joke at their own expense.
The upper crust Of society depends on
the amount of dough underneath.
Most of us are judged by our actions,
especially If we happen to get caught.
A man is always willing to forgive his
worst enemy, when It happens to be him
self.
Imitators are like parrots, but, also like
parrots they may not be as green as they
look.
Matches may or may not be made In
heaven but many an actress has married
her angel.
No Maude, dear, when a surgeon per
forms an operation he doesn't always
wear q cutaway coat.
A woman's hat may be q perfect dream
but the bill is generally q nightmare to
her husband.
It's when an expert accountant goes
over the absconding cashiers desk books
that his work begins to tell on him.
Now that We have SO many balloons
ing a girl to fly with him.
Wigg-"Guzzler says he merely drinks
to drown his sorrow. Wagg-''Gee!
What a sorrowful existence he must
lAaA"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16
GLOBE SIGHTS.
IFrom the Atchison Globe

From the Atch1SOn Globe.I
Expect to be occasionally called names
you don't deserve.
Common sense and romance have a fac
ulty of pulling in opposite directions.
A woman who can be worked to en-
terrain. be worked" by an agent.
The beneficiary is never the one who
complains of the cost of life insurance.
There ought to be law providing that
a man cannot be punished for robbing a
lawyer
A great many people have been injured
by gossip, but We never heard of 1t doing
anyone good
The best way to meet any difficulty is to
refuse to talk. But so few men can keep
their mouths shut.
If you attend to your work and let your
enemy alone, some one else will come
along some day and do him up for you.
A thoroughbred is a man who buys pic
lures of actresses, and claims they were
given to him by the parties they repre-
seat.
If = man had everything else to suit
him except just one thing. he would be as
unhappy over that all the usual Ills
put together.
The greatest humiliation man can suf-
fer, We believe, IS to become dependent
upon his son-in-law, whom ne at 1lrSt
started I'D in business.
One can easily tell at an evening enter
tainment which COUPLES are married. and
tleman fans the lady; after marriage she
fans him.
Don't you think that air pretty?" an
Atchison music teacher asked a pupil s
mother, after rafting off something
snowy. THAT are what?" gravely replied
the pupils mother.
When a man opens up a conversation
over the telephone 1t is in a tone that is
mild and real ladylike. but the other end
of the line falls to hear him, and his con-
versation ends in roar.
A circus man plays everyone with whom
he comes in contact for a chump, and If
he stays with him long enough he will
caught with circus lemonade. but most of
them VIII stay for the concert.
Hereafter, said man who is about to
move to = new town. II intend to culti-
waite the fools. 1 began life with the de-
termination to cultivate sensible men as
much as possible, but they are so rare
| and fools are so numerous. that I have
| not done well 1 now realize my mistake
and In the future shall accept even spirit
ualism as common sense"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
IFrom the Chicago News.1

from the Chicago News.]
1t takes a lot Of filthy lucre to make a
tidy sum.
Might doesn't always make right. but
it puts up a hard fight.
Because he FORCES. ahead man isn't
necessarily a forger.
One trouble with the dead beat is that
he isn't really dead.
And Uncle Sam should see that we get
pure food for thought.
Lots of people live all their lives without
learnine how to live.
A woman always means what she meant
to say If she doesn't say it.
Did you ever have occasion to envy the
disposition of a so-called reformex2
A miner is a man engaged in creating
a demand for clearing house checks.
About the best way to get along with
some people Is to get along without them.
The longer q man tries to prolong an
argument the less he knows about the
subject.
Many a young man has acquired that
tired feeling and a rich father-in-law
about the same time.
No man ever worries half SO much about
his inability to pay his debts as the men
he owes do.
But the size Of mans hat in this
world may have nothing to do with the
size of his crown in the next.
Did you ever notice how a meek little
woman begins to assert herself about "a
hours after marriage.
When man is reading newspaper ac-
count of a wedding he invariably skips
the description of the brides gown.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16
DON'T FORGET THE TREASURER

There is one matter which in the
hurry and excitement of the special
session Of the legislature should not be
overlooked. It is likely that a guar
anty bank deposit law will be passed.
If it is it will add materially to the
duties and responsibilities of the state
treasurer and it should provide for an
increase in his compensation. The
state treasurer is now paid $4,000 a
year. The bank deposit law increased
his responsibility but did not increase
his salary. He is personally response
bic for million dollars in bonds de-
posted by the banks. If a coupon is
lost he must make it good; an ire
sponsible clerk might make blunder
which would cost him more than the
salary of his term. If he is to have
still more responsibilities he should
have a salary commensurate with his
duties. This same argument would
not apply to the other state officers
though no doubt their pay is smaller
than it should be and should be ulti-
mately increased
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16

letters and papers exchanged between
Mae Wood and himself which would
have any bearing on the suit for di-
vorce she has instituted against the
senile gentleman. Mr.. Platt denies
that he and the Wood woman were
ever married. He cannot be blamed
for making this denial If they were
married he is liable to arrest for
bigamy for he married another woman
since the date Of the alleged Wood
marriage and from whom he was
separated about a year ago.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Life is a good deal like city full
Of crooked streets.
= -
1t is far easier to conquer adversely
than it is to conquer prosperity.
- 4 y
Many wives are dear to their hus-
bands merely to the amount of re-
ceipted bills.
Travel abroad broadens some folks
only to the extent of the padding in
the clothes they wear back.
= y
Girls take to the new game, diabolo,
so readily because they are never
happy unless they have something on
a string.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16
SHUWS.

Jim Smiths the most contrariest man
Wuz ever lickt;
Cant say q thing but what he's bouus
He'll contradict.
He wun't dispoot ye out n out.
But snorts We back an answer bout
..Shucksi'
Jest "Shucksr'
I argy with him half the day
On politics;
Jims way back yet in Jackson's time,
An theirs he sticks.
1 tell him things has moved since theus
He aims squirt an grunts again:
NShucks"
lest "Shucksi"
read him all the newest things
.Rou+ .,ro Inc paper quotes; .,,.
An flynn boats.
1 ask him: Amt 1t marvel1us7'
But Jim. he chuclkles with q cusS
''Shucks!''
Jest "Shucksi"
! bet ye when the summons comes
From Gabriel
To gather all the folks aroun'
An sort 'em well
If Jim's assigned Heavenly place
He'll growl. WI onbelievtn' face,
'-Shucksv'
Jest "Shucksi''
M z Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16

The unkind remark is made by the
State Journal that the members of the
legislature are limited to 80 days pay
for an extra session. Somehow every
body takes a shot at a member of the
legislature whether he is going or
coming News. If all Of
the members of the legislature were Of
the same sterling caliber as the editor
of the Hutchinson News so many
rnerited unkind remarks about the
Kansas legislators would not be float
ing around.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16
KANSAS COMMENT
no SAVE DEPosIroRs.

mere mas been a great deal of talk
in this country about a national law
TO secure depositors of national banks
Congress was slow in acting, and
Governor Haskell of Oklahoma, being
man who does things, induced the
| legislature of the new state to pass
such law to govern state banks
| Now Kansas seems to be about ready
70 follow the lead of Oklahoma. The
| OKlahOma law Is based on the theory
that while some banks do fail and do
not pay their depositors, the banks OF
the state which do not fail are able
to make good the losses of the ones
that do fail.
to secure depositors who put their
| cash in the state banks. Probably a
| fund will be raised for the purpose
| by collecting an assessment from all
the banks, and when the Bank of
! Turkey Creek fails this fund will be
| used to pay the losses of the Turkey
Creek institution. The fund after be-
ing raised will probably be deposited
| In, say, the Jimpson State bank of
Topeka. Just what would happen if
the Jimpson bank should fail can not
now be told because the plan does not
include the possibility of the Jimpson
bank failing.
Some able financier is liable to
make answer that the Jimpson bank
would be made to give security for
why not compel the Turkey Creek
bank to secure its own depositors for
ABOUT the average amount the sus-
pended banks usually come short?
The principle underlying this plan to
secure bank depositors is a great dis
covery.
If the same principle were applied
to wholesale and retail merchants,
nobody outside would ever lose a cent.
All that would ever be required in
40 - H.,
retailer would be to draw enough
out of the reserve fund to make good
the losses.--Wichita Eagle.
THE MANS THE THING.
The New York World advances as
Johnson's presidential candidacy that
he is the son of an immigrant. He Is
also the son Of drunkard. But the
latter will count no more against him
than the former will for him. The peo-
pie Of this country do not elect pres1-
dents because of whose sons they are
but because of the men themselves.
Governor Johnson seems to be man
of unusual force and ability and IL
nominated by the Democrats he viii be
voted for on his merits and neither Tor
or against because his father happened
to be both an immigrant and a drunk
ard.-Hutchinson News.
WORDS OF WISDOM.
Ex-Governor Stanley says the pres
ent political row in Kansas is a con-
test between the Long and Stubos
machines; the usual fight between the
ms and Outs-Atchison Globe.
LUCKY DOGS.
A Cincinnati dog goes to the res
taurant, eats, and has the meal charged
TO his owner In other words the Gin
cinnati dog has almost as big a snap
as the foreigner who marries an Amerl-
can heiress.-Salina Journal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16

Johnny, do you believe in Santa
Clause?" mo. did before the one we
had at our house slipped and fell down.
stairs couldn't believe in anybody
that talked the way he did."-Chicago
Record-Herald.
"Is it difficult to become a philo-
sopher?" asks the very young man.
Easiest thing in the world" answered
the homegrown specimen. "All you
have to do is to utter truths you don't
believe and can't make the other peo-
pie believe.'-Chicago Daily News
"what were the best six sellers
when you were in New York;" in
Quired the Indiana literary expert Of
his prosaic neighbor. 'I'm blamed
If KNOW" was the latter's reply. LAS
far as can remember we only visited
five Of 'em. an I didn't pay much at
tention to their locations. "-Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
why do you call young KaIlow
'Cholly?' His first name is Noah"
said Towne. at know" replied
Browne, "but that's 50 Inappropriate.
Noah had sense enough to get in out
of the rain."-Philadelphia Press.
Editor-So this joke is absolutely
original with you? Humorist-It is.
Editor-well. now, isn't that interest
ing? For years and years I have
wished that some day I could see the
originator Of that joke.-Somerville
Journal.
A Clean Sheet see you have ar
rested a man whose mind is a blank"
said a large woman, pushing her way
into the police station. Yes" well.
trot him out. John didn't come home
last night, and that's a pretty good
description of him when I've given
him a list of errands. ''-Philadelphia
Ledger.
First mani hear that Smith sends
everything he shoots to the hospital
instead of the game dealer? Second
man-How good Of him. What does
he go in for most1y-ducks, quail or
deer First man-No. he only shoots
gamekeepers.-Tit-
The Dentist-"Now, Johnny, brace
up. It'll be all over in a minute Boy
Eyes, but-gee, think of that min
ute!"-Puck. f-,s.-
The wife's sympathy-Of1cers-
We have sad news to bring you. Your
husband fell after the first shot of the
enemy, and died without sound.
Wife-Yes: the man was always very
taciturn.-Lustiger Batter.
Phll. y. S0pner-''Dont worry, OLD
man. Chickens always come home to
roost, you know" Discouraged Friend
-"Yes-after they have laid their
eggs in some other fellows barn.
Judge.
ct met Dunkey today for the first
time in years. He hasn't changed
much" "Oh, he hasn't changed at all.
but he doesn't seem to realize it."
GLOW do you mean ?" "Oh, he's for
ever talking about what fool he
used to be- "-Philadelphfa Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16

With each succeeding speech Mr..
Stubs continues his efforts to inject
national issues into the campaign for
the Republican nomination for COVER
nor. So one cannot help thinking that
he still has in his minds eye the United
States senatorship and intends to use
the governors office, if he should get
it, as merely a preliminary stepping
stone to the satisfaction of his am
hffionr
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16

There seems to be Justice in the
petition filed with the interstate COM
merce commission which seeks a re-
duction in the Pullman car rates
throughout the country of twenty five
per cent and the fixing Of the rate for
upper berths at one-half of the charge
for lower berths. 1t is estimated that
every car used by the company pays
FOR itself once every two years. This
is more than a reasonable profit and
the rates should be lowered
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16

Fourteen thousand bills have been in
troduced In both branches of congress
SO far this session. This number ought
to keep the members and the senators
tolerably busy. But thousands of them
will never be SO much as glanced at
except by those who introduced them
and the likelihood is that the introduc-
ers do not know the nature of many
of the measures presented by them and
will never take the trouble to enlighten
themselves as to their contents
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16

Nevada is in the same boat with
Kansas. Each has special session Of
the legislature on its hands. In the
case of Nevada, however, there was
real emergency for one. But in
Kansas-oh what's the use of hol-
lering. Let's bear this and other bur-
dens with a smile
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16
THE BUTToNLEss SHIRT.

The buttonless shirt
Is patented now;
A man in Chicago
Has built one somehow.
This man in Chicago,
To show he was hurt,
Has risen to patent
A buttonless shirt.
How oft we have sworn,
At the break of the day,
When we've found, as we dressed,
To our utter dismay,
That the only clean shirt
That was left us to wear
OF clear, pearly buttons
Its bosom was bare.
No new-fangled thing
Is the buttonleSs shirt;
We've had 1t for years,
Every man will assert.
To the laundry they're sent
With the buttons still on;
But when they come back
All the buttons are gone.
The buttonless shirt
we've worn at and cursed:
we've torn it and worn 1t
And called it the worst
OF terrible names.
But here / assert:
who'd think the world patent
Inc DuttonleSS shirt?
Detroit Free Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16

Perhaps New York is sore becaus g
Kansas has so many of the biggest
things in the world, including the
Bible class at Parsons. because plans
have been formed there to establish Il
restaurant which will have a seating
capacity of eight thousand persons at
one time. It will cover a whole city
block and have dining rooms on the
ground floor and on the roof.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16

Jane Noria, the dramatic soprano
of the San Carlos grand opera COM
pany which will be in Chicago soon,
has set a new record for the duration
of stage kiss. Her OSCILLATION. last
ing 295 seconds or almost five minutes.
is twelve times as long as the kiss with
which Mary Garden, the grand opera
prima donna, recently agitated New
York. A few of those Noria kisses
would certainly go q long ways.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16

Cries of distress are going up from
all the big centers of population. They
are teeming with hundreds, yes thou
sands of the unemployed and many of
whom are homeless. Soup houses are
being established in many cities.
There is no mistaking the fact now
that hard times followed the financial
panic and money stringency, but
luckily they are not prevalent in this
section of the country.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16

Another occasion is at hand which
will call forth a few thousand ex-
tended editorials on the fool who yells
fire in a crowded building. They Will
be in vain. Thousands have been
written before on the same subject
and have done no good. And just as
long as humanity is as frail as it now
is the cry of fire will go up and incite
panics on every possible occasion. 1t
10 an almost unconscious cry from
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16

Even though there is no danger, or
was there ever any prospect ofone with
Japan, Secretary Taft thinks rightly
that the sending of the battleship fleet
to the Pacific will have a wholesome
effect On all orientals for they reason
through their ewes
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16

Some interesting reading has be-
come public property through the or
der of a New York court compelling
the distinguished or rather extin-
eruished senator from New York,
Thomas Collier Plat to turn over all
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16

Stubbs and Bailey are now engaged
in a controversy over the question of
the use of railroad money in the cam
paign conducted by Stubs four years
age. This question will soon rival, be-
cause of the indefinite determination
of it, the famous WHO struck Billy
Patterson
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16

those frenzied with fear and will ever
be sounded as long as there are
towards in the world This is not an
encouraging thought but it Is none the
less true
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

The State Journal is q member Of the
Associated Press and receives the full day
telegraph report OF that great news or
ganization for the exclusive afternoon
publication IN Topeka
The news Is received in The State Jour-
mai building over wires for this sole pur-
pose.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16

Not only has General J. w. F.
hughes been honored by an election
60 the secretaryship of the National
Guard association. 1t is a compliment
to the state and it's citizen soldiers at
the head of whom Is this genial gentle
man
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16
TIICKY DOGS,

A Cincinnati dog goes to the res
taurant, eats, and has the meal charged
to his owner. In other words the Gin
cinnati dog has almost as big snap
as the foreigner who marries an Amerl-
can heiress.-Salina Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16

"Why do you call young KaIlow
'Cho1ly?' His first name is Noah"
said Towne. at know" replied
Browne. "but that's 80 inappropriate.
Noah had sense enough to get in out
of the ain."-Philadelphia Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16
HUNOR or THE Day

Johnny, do you believe in Santa
Clause?" mo. I did before the one we
had at our house slipped and fell down.
stairs. I couldn't believe in anybody
that talked the way he did."-Chicago
Record-Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16

Editor-So this joke is absolutely
original with you? Humorist-It is.
Editor-well, now, isn't that interest
originator Of that joke.-Somervill
Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16

WORDS OF WISDOM.
Ex-Governor Stanley says the pres
ent political row in Kansas is a con-
test between the Long and Stubbs
machines; the usual fight between the
ms and Outs-Atchison Globe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-16

First mani hear that Smith sends
everything he shoots to the hospital
instead of the game dealer? Second
man-How good Of him. What does
he go in for mostly-ducks, quail or
deer First man-No, he only shoots
gamekeepers.-Tit-B