The Washington herald., 1908-01-12
MARIA'S MIDNIGHT LECTURES
LECTURE NO. 22.

seconds 10 kiss me. not even when We
was eourting; you just used TO peck az
me, ike a chicken picking Up corn-I
wonder if I've been missing anything
serious all these years I've been mar
ried to you, l reckon there must be
something IN marriage that Tor maybe
It's you. Job-don't know much about.
know that II wasn't married now
| wouldn't want to be, and lots Of pso-
pie hear about are just crazy over Il;
why here's that man Marvin, whose boy
was lost so long. been and married his
motheT-in-law- It's a queer world Job.
Thank heaven. though, there one
great relief in sight-the tariff on cham
payne is to be reduced 20 per cent. That
ought 10 be a great consolation 10 US
poor housekeepers, and although I notice
that Senator Beveridge is going to make
speech on the tariff question, I can't
see just what they've left him say. Not
that that matters much, I dare say.
Did you see, Job, that Philadelphia
has started wave Of reform? They're
going TO investigate the various brands
Of tomato sauce that are sold in the
city. That's a beginning any way. isn't
it. though I should think they'd be a
little shy about dallying with tomato
sauce-I never could abide the stuff
since I read about the note about
Chops and tomato sauce" that Mr.
Pickwick sent 10 Mrs. Barden There's
likely TO be another scandal in Z lila
delphia I should think, any time now.
Do you think it's really true that Jack
London is lost? II It is, ! wonder what
the magazines viii DO for stories of
tramp life.
What about politics, job? What's
that, are you falling asleep? Do wake
up, Job; look at you. spilling the Iini-
ment all over the counterpane. Do youS
think it's true that Senator Foraker
has got Taft on the run in Ohio? II
So I'd Ike 10 be there 20 see It. I can't
imagine Mr.. Taft running. not even
on that thousand-dolIar horse he's just
bought. | see these nickel theaters are
buying all the pictures Of Taft they can
get hold of wonder If that's a For
aker move TO make Mr.. Taft unpopular?
And did you see about Mr.. Cannon?
His friends say that there isn't chance
for his candidacy unless he stops swear
ing. ] wonder II it's a habit with him,
like his smoking, and he can't stop? AS
for the other candidates, you don't hear
OF them since the President scolded
Mr.. CortelyOu. There's the Knox boom
and the Bonaparte boom. Why. put
them all together. and they wouldn't
make anything so very enthusiastic. I
wish Belva Lockwood was alive. I be-
lieve this'ud ba q good year for q
woman candidate
Speaking about women, did you see
the question that The Washington Her
aid started-it's- almost as fascinating
as How old Is Ann? The question Is.
Did you ever see a red-headed old maid?
I never did; did you. Job-nor never
saw a dead donkey either, but sup
pose there must be such things
Isn't it curious how people viii re-
fleet on Mr.. Fairbanks7 You heard all
about Mr.. Harrington and his fight with
a policeman, and now It is declared that
the fight occurred over nothing but but
termilk. I never thought there was any
President to make man pugnacious.
And so Miss Laura Jean Libbey has
gone 10 England to sell some Of her
melodrsmas, Don't you just love her
books? 1 do. job The first I got 1 Won
as a prize at a quilting bee. It was
called Florence, the Factory Flower,
and remember I got so absorbed in IT
that I let whole pan Of biscuit burn
one evening. They tell me she's written
over 800 novels. When 7 get real rich
I'm going to buy a complete addition.
I'd Ike little Emily to read 'em. too.
Talking about literature. see tr,t some
Of the papers are laughing at the Presi-
dent for getting angry and accusing
other people OF being out of temper.
Just for fun / read that nice letter he
sent Admiral Brownson, and so far
from being iIl-tempered I found it full
of words Ike love. affection. adni-
ration peace, good will happiness,
Joy 'mildness, sweetness. and Tight,
and things like that Why. it's alb
surd to say that Mr.. Roosevelt ever
loses his temper. I know who's re-
sponsible for 1t; it's that Mr.. Loebl
Say, Job. you know I told you about
that prophet who said that this was to
be the last year Of the world. and that
We wera all going 10 be destroyed. I'll
bet there's something in it, for did you
notice that next year begins on Friday.
Isn't that terriblel Anything's liable 70
happen.
Yes, JOB. thatH DO; my backs ever
so much better. What? Going 70 sleep.
Oh. wait minute. I wanted to ask you
what difference II was going 10 make IN
the poor-f0od law because that Judge
up in Michigan has decided that legally
that sausage is sausage-if that's the
law. what was the good Of that bopk
The Jungle?" Any way, I never did
care much for sausage. any way And.
say, Job, I wanted 10 ask you about the
Thaw trial Do you think he's got &
better chance this time because all Of
the Jurors are married men7 I guess
they'll have more sympathy for him
than bachelors. don't you. I'm awful
anxious to begin reading the testimony,
amt you?
"Oh. well. then, turn over and go to
sleep If you want TO, lazibones. never
did see such man for sleeping. but
anyhow I want you to understand that
with this lame back I hope you don't
expect me 10 get up and get your break
fast for you in the morning You sleep,
if you want 10, but you get up when the
alarm clock goes of, and you dress
Haley and Little Emily and cook the
oatmeal and get the children washed
for Sunday school, and, maybe, by that
time I'll be feeling better. and you can
bri,z mo I'm . hgta 70 ant yo,, hs,.au't