davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1908-02-21
Tho UnpopuIar Pump.

'sThat famous temperance reformer
Francis Murphy" said a Pittsburg
man, "had many an odd adventure IN
the course of his very useful life. He
once told me Of case where drink
ing man with neat joke got for the
moment q little the better Of him In an
argument. The man was a clubman,
a bon vivant, famous for his wine eel.
lar, and Mr.. Murphy read him strong
lecture on the drink evil. But the bon
vivant only smiled, shook his head and
said: -
"'Well, Mr.. Murphy, / have seen
many a pleasant party around table,
bat I have never seen one around 8
pump "-Cineipuati Enquirer.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1908-02-21
A Peripatetic Investment.

When the scallop is full grown 1t Is
able to swim with great rapidly by
opening and closing the valves of its
shell. This curious fact says What to
Eat, was unknown to an unfortunate
Frenchman who undertook few years
ago to establish scallop plantation
on a quiet New England beach. He
deposited several thousand scallops In
shallow water, expecting them to
breed, but when he looked for them
the next day all of them had fed.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1908-02-21
pickinu on Him.

A first grade boy brought perfect
spelling papers home for several weeks
and then suddenly began to miss FIVE
and six out Of ten.
"How's this, SOM" asked his father.
Teachers fault" replied the boy.
"How is 1t the teachers faultP'
"She moved the little boy that sat
next to me."-Lippincott's.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1908-02-21
Capacit. Is Beds

Capacity Is Beds
Ambulance Service
Training School for Nurses.
Ambitious young women paid
GOOD salaries while training
Nurses supplied for Private Duty
Admits all diseases not contagious
c & o r r Emergency Hospital
Eve, Ear, Nose and Throat depart
ment
Speciality: APPENDICITIS, Diseases,
of women, abdominal surgery
Hospital Fees $40 week
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1908-02-21
Practical.

Sound practical advice given by a
misanthrope: If ever you should be at
tackled by night never shout "Murder!'
for no one will bother about you. Yell
"Firew and everybody will be out OF
doors In a tiffy.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1908-02-21
An Old Timer.

In an old diary bearing the date OF
ITS several pages are devoted to eish
accounts. On one of these is quaint
" worded statement. duly witnessed
and dated.
The spelling is not particularly COM
mendable, but spelling was an uncer-
tain art In those days and even now Is
a gift denied to some:
Novem. 29th 1775.
This liz to sartife to ali Parsons home II
may Consarne that / have Paid a sufish-
ent charge for redish Colerd Surtute
with Blew Velvet Cape. witch now walr.
JOHN SMITH.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1908-02-21
His Consolation.

John and Willie are twins. Their
best friend and playfellow is Archie,
who is gifted with red hair and hot
temper. One day they quarreled and
Archie started home In huff. The
unsympathetic twins called after him.
RED head, red head!" Archie seemed
not to hear until the insult was re-
peated. Then he turned and called
back, Don't care IL am red beaded;
I amt twins, and folks can tell me
apartp-Grand Forks Press.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1908-02-21
A Wise Little MiIIinsr.

"If had insisted" said the milliner,
81 could have sold her hat that cost
SO more, but / was afraid that If she
took 1t should lose her trade. knew
her husband wouldn't like 1t. 1t isn't
the expense he would object to, but
the hat. She is a countrywoman, aud
he is a countryman. Countrymen DO
not like New York hats-that Is. hats
Of the exaggerated type. / never yet
sold an extreme style to an out OF town
woman without losing her custom
The men at home always said, Well,
If that's the best you can do In New
York-come back with scarecrow
thing like that-you'd better buy your
hats nearer home And thereafter that
is Just what the women do. That Is
why I now sell nothing but modest
looking hats to country customers. l
can't afford to antagonize their hus-
bands."-New York Times.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1908-02-21
Literary Exercises.

Wife (scornfully)-Oh, I've no doubt
you were at your literary club reciting
poetry till this hour of the night. And,
pray, what were you reciting? Hus-
band Geminiscently)-I think wash
something bout "Chips That Pash In
the Night baltimore American.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1908-02-21
Locating His Home.

"You live outside Of the city limits
How far outsider
Goodness knows. don't. IT.
about fifteen minutes the other side OF
where the map stops."-Chicago Trik
une.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1908-02-21
Very Likely.

you're a queer looking thing to
want to fight with me-" said the young
bulldog contemptuously. you're not
in my class"
perhaps not" replied the porcupine
quietly, "but / think I can give you a
few points. "-Philadelphia Press.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1908-02-21
One avn Sec,,re

Officer (as autolst flew down hill. his
machine beyond control) = Hi, there!
You're breaking the law. Autoist Gas
he whisked from view)-Well, amt
breaking the law Of grayitation.--
Harper's Weekly.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1908-02-21
The Family Jar.

"The body of the late Major Jinks
was cremated."
what they goin' to do with itr
"His widow has him corked up In a
fruit Jar. Says it's the last OF the
family jars."--Atlanta Constitution.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1908-02-21
What He Had to Say.

"Well, George, do you know 1t is !
o'clockf What have you to say FOR
yourself"
81 did have s-s-somethin' to s-say, my
dear, b-but you've gone an s-scared IL
out Of m-my head. Oh, I remember 1t
n noww
"Well, what is it?"
"Good night."-Cleveland Plain Deal
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1908-02-21
Can,t Re Coined.

'Gaily-Why don't you cheer up? Ety.
cry cloud has silver lining. Dumps
That may all be, but did you ever see
anybody that could coin it?-Detroit
Free Press.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1908-02-21
Sneaked.

"What side do you generally take
when your wife gets In an argument
with somebody else"
"Outside. It's safer" - Milwaukee
Sentinel.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1908-02-21
"Financed."

7"Deah me, Miss Mahala, who's de
swell gemmen wot dom TUX yo out
wGlkin'?'
"Dat genmen? He's de one what Is
financed tub me, Mistah Johnsing."-
Baltimore American
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1908-02-21
wsiabtina a Horses Stern.

Some of the officers and men of
vessel once anchored In the harbor OF
FunchaI, Madeira, went ashore for
horseback ride around the Island
About halfway up the mountain we
came across a little mizzentopman.
flushed and evidently very warm, rid
Ing spirited little horse with stone
tied up IN a silk handkerchief slung to
his tail.
The first lieutenant laughed and said.
"What are you doing with that hand
kerchief, Brown"
"Why, you see, : SIR" said Brown,
that when I first hitched her up she
pitched badly. being too much by the
head, SO just rugged this stone on art
and brought her down to her bearings,
and she sails now like clipper, SIR
"Ou a Man-ofwar
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1908-02-21

-.
a horse that woman can drive. MIS-.
Doyle-Thats a fad Of hers, getting
things she can drive. Her husband Ia
that kind of q man.-New York Press.
Very Imposing.
GLOW was II DIR. Knowit got Such
a big fee from TalkativeT
because when he was called to aS
tend Mrs. Talkative for slight nerv'
Gus trouble he told her she had an
acute attack of inflammatory yerbos-
ity."
"Well"
"And recommended absolute quiet
as the only means Of averting parox'
ysms of cacaothes loquendi. She's
scared dumb."-Ba!timor American.
Got Even With the Lawyer.
Many years ago there lived in Cam
den, Me-, two neighbors, DR.. Huse anf
Judge Thayer. The doctor had Occa
sion to sue man and Of course EN-
ployed his neighbor, the judge, as hil
counsel. After q session Of court hi
met the judge and asked about hi,
case. The Judge said 1t was continued
Meeting him again after another ses
sion and asking again about his case
the same answer was given.
AS 1t cost 50 or So each time 1t wal
continued, the doctor thought by tn,
time 1t was settled, after paying thu
Judge, he would get nothing.
Some time afterward the judge wal
afflicted with felon and of course EN-
ployed his neighbor, the doctor. Aftel
suffering awhile he met the doctor ans
said: Doctor, this thing Is gettini
along very slowly. have walked tn'
floor nights for week. What are yos
doing to IT."
The doctor, who stammered, loud
~ replied, "Coco-continuing 1t. b!
Georze!"
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1908-02-21

There are times when God asks moth
ing Of his children except silence and
patience.-Robinson.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1908-02-21
The Hinton Hospital
STAFF:

O. O. COOPER, NJ. D., General surgery
R. B. MILLER, NJ. D., General Medicine
G. L. PENCE, NJ. D., house surgeon
c. w. ALBERT, MD. Eye, Ear, Nose,
throat
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1908-02-21
The Head Of the Family.

Mrs. Hoyie-Mr. Boyle is looking TOT
n horse that woman can drive. Mrs.
Doyle-Thats a fad Of hers, getting
things she can drive. Her husband IL
that kind of q man.-New York Press.
Oxford Democrat., 1908-06-16
Understand Your Flock.

Almost every breed of fowls have, be-
sides the marked differences that are
generally known, other smaller differ
ences that their owner understands, il
he has kept that breed some time. 1t
would seem best, therefore, if one has
had certain breed for a number of
years not to be too anxious to change,
for the knowledge of these small
peculiarities will have to be acquired
with the new breed.
A man always does best with what he
thoroughly understands, and therefore,
knowing breed well, he will manage
them to better advantage than one just
taking up the keeping of that breed.
1t has been my experience that with
Light Brahmas the disposition is nat
urally gentle and docile and they are
also easily trained. If driven away
from ground on which they are not
wanted few times they will, as gen.
eral thing, stay away from that ground.
They are therefore good fowls to have
on range. Their eggs, have found take
a little longer to hatch in an incubator
than the eggs of some other breeds, 80
that it does not do to put Plymouth
Rock eggs, for instance, in an incubator
with them, or trouble is pretty sure to
follow when the chicks begin to appear.
/ have noticed that Barred Plymouth
Rocks are apt to be quite fierce when
mothers, and will sometimes kill chicks
belonging to other broods; they will
also fight fiercely. On the other hand,
they are active and alert and protect
their chicks from their natural enemies,
such as cats, hawks, crows, etc.
Buff Plymouth Rocks, in the expert
ence of the writer, while more gentle in
disposition than Barred Plymouth
Rocks, are inclined to be brOody and
also fade out in plumage unless watched
closely.
These are only few Of the many
smaller differences that manifest them
selves, but which it is of advantage to
understandable. E. Haydock, Locust
Valley, N. Y, il Tribune Farmer.
Oxford Democrat., 1908-06-16

I'd like to i've with them, put they
don't want me either. Papa has said
time and again that such combinations
are always unhappy, and so l must go
away somewhere"
She sobbed herself to sleep that night
after hours of wretched reflection and
almost desperate thinking. She did not
20 down to breakfast but when she
heard her father leave the house she
went downtown and drew all Of the
money which she had in the bank.
Then she bought ticket for New
York.
At noon her father, seeing how
wretched she looked at dinner, felt like
brute and came very near to spelling
the whole thing. But she slipped away
too quickly to give him time to COM
NIT himself. and when he was sure she
was in her room he called Dick eau
tiously up over the phone.
II guess you'd better come over.
I've made beastly mess Of the
thing" he said. Then he called up to
Mary that he had to go back to the
Office and told her not to sit up for
him and cleared out, feeling like q
coward.
This was the chance for which Mary
was waiting. Hurriedly she finishes
packing her suit case wrote al ago
nized note to her father, and, after
dressing herself In the long coat AMI
dark veil which fleeing herolnes al
ways wore in the plays she had seen,
she let herself quietly out at the front
door and reached the car A young
man jumped of the outgoing car, look
ed at her Sharply and then swung up
the steps of the ingoing car after her,
but she did not notice.
"Was this what her father had meant
in his telephone message:" thought the
young man. Well, he had made mess
Of it.
It was raining by this time-a dreary
little driZZle-and when Mary alighted
at the union station she would have
fallen on the slippery steps had not
some one seized the suit case and
caught her arm firmly. When she had
regained her balance the man did not
let 60, but slid his grasp down to the
cold, wet hand.
LET me go! What do you mean!'
she gasped, and then she knew. She
began to cry.
MARY, Mary, so contrary, come on
home again." said Dick gently. "We
didn't mean to go so far as this, dear,
in our little plot"
"We-our plot! What do you mean:
Did you and father fix all this up for
q trick? And-and'- To Dicks great
surprise and relief she began to laugh
He had expected tears, anger, even
rage. And then he began to feel fool
ish.
II guess | got just what deserve.
I was blind rs bat" she said. when
do you want me to marry you, Dick.
II you can forgive me enough to want
me at all? Dick, you didn't think that
I had really stopped caring. did you?'
Mary's father was I'm the drawing
room when they got home and came
out into the hall to meet them. We've
been out walking" said Dick blandly.
"Yes, see," said Mr.. Arnold, iguor-
Ing the suit case and Mary's unusual
apparel. Fine night isn't it?'
Oxford Democrat., 1908-06-16
bidding Fields of Witch Grass.

Different farmers have given in The
New England Homestead their ideas of
killing witch grass. Perhaps my eI-
perience may be interesting. Last
spring had small piece of land heavi-
ly manured for cabbage, but the early
plants were all destroyed by the frost,
so Lset out smaller area than planned.
This piece was badly infested with
witch grass. 1 cultivated 1t enough to
keep the weeds down and continued this
until September l. | then drilled in
dwarf Essex rape in rows 20 inches
apart, and this kept green until snow
covered it. In cultivating the rape l
found but very few traces of the grass,
which pulled up.
My experience convinces me that II
had started by blowing shallow | should
have completely eradicated the trouble
some weed in even less time than did.
After crops of peas and other truck have
been gathered l 60 over the ground, and
with the spading fork dig up all the
scattering plants l can find. This is
easily done where the ground is mellow,
for the roots are srtong and near the
surface. This prevents spreading to
the sections of the farm not already in
fested.-D. o. Wallace, Vermont, in
New England Homestead.
Oxford Democrat., 1908-06-16

you believe In me without word. Oh,
how I prayed through all that dread.
full moment and how l looked at you,
saying with my eyes, 4 love you; am
truer II You had failed me then 1t
would have killed me, butt
"There could be no but" the EN-.
peror broke In. ITO doubt is not to
love. When a man loves he knows.
Even out of darkness a light comes
and tells him."
''Then you forgive me-fOr tonight,
and for everything, from the begin
ning?
Forgive your"
"And II I'd been different, more like
other girls, content with conventional
affection, you wouldn't have loved me-
more?"
He took her in his arms and held her
as II he would never let her 60.
"If you had been different I wouldn't
have loved you at ALL" he said. But
If things had been different l couldn't
have helped loving you just the same.
l should have been fated to fall In
love with Princess Virginia Of Bau-
menburg- Drippe at first sight, exactly
as l fell In love with Helen Now
Bray"
"Ah, but at best you'd have fallen
In love with Virginia because 1t was
Oxford Democrat., 1908-06-16
The Notary In France.

The notary is most Important per-
son I'm all small country towns in
France. Everybody consults him. from
the big landowner when he has dis
cussions with his ncighbor over right
of way to the peasant who buys few
meters Of land as soon us he has any
surplus funds. We were constantly
having rows with one Of our neighbors
over little strip OF wood that ran up
into ours. Whenever he was angry
with us. which happened quite often
1--WE never knew WHY. he had a deep.
ugly ditch made just across the road
which we always took when we were
riding around the property. The woods
were so thick and low with plenty Of
thorns, that we could not get along by
keeping on one side and were obliged
to 20 back and make quite long de-
tour. The notary did his best to buy 1t
for us, but the man would never sell
rather enjoyed. think. having the
power to annoy us.-Mme. Waddington
in Scrlbner's.
Oxford Democrat., 1908-06-16

The longest lane has a turning. For a
good many years industry and science
have worked hand in hand TO find some
thing from which satisfactory grade OF
print paper can be made, the raw ma
terial to take the place of wood pulp,
rags, etc. What is wanted is something
durable, cheap, workable, satisfactory
in color and texture. A long time ago
mills were established for making wrap
ping paper from grain straw. This was
much in evidence a generation ago, and
in some form straw paper is to-day very
much used. Efforts are again being
directed toward rice straw, and the
press recently has reported that the first
pulp mill for this purpose will be estab-
lished GEAR Lake Charles, La, the Gen.
ter of the rice industry. 1t is proposed
to ship the product to New England
paper mills to determine finally the
practicability of the venture. Publish
ers and people generally would hail with
satisfaction some process where salts
factory print paper could be made from
this cheap material.-New England
Homestead.
Oxford Democrat., 1908-06-16
THE WORLD DRYING UP.
Possibility That tho Human Race Will
Die of Thirst.

Die Of Thirst.
We are to die of thirst. Compare
lively few persons know the suffering
involved in a thirst for which there Is
no help at hand. The consuming thirst
more than the pain Of any wound
makes the battlefield hell. Yet death
by thirst Is the doom forecast for the
race by grim scientists. Biologists
find that the fresh water supply of the
globe is failing. They have data which
point to the gradual withdrawal of the
streams and other bodies Of water
from the surface. Both in Africa and
central Asia and, indeed, in all the
great levels the water beds are drying
up. A great number of lakes well
known In the historical age have en-
tirely disappeared. For example, Lake
Chiroua, in Africa, has vanished with
in recent years, as has also Lake
Ngamj, discovered by Livingstone.
Lake Tchad is more than half dried
up. For centuries bodies Of water In
central Asia have been evaporating
and the deserts extending. Where
1000 years ago great cities stood In
east Turkestan there are found only
vast and depressing stretches of sand.
The river rarim, once a principal Asi-
attic route, Is almost gone, and Lob
Nor, formerly four times the area OF
Lake Geneva, Is now but shallow
marsh. The same sad conditions are
noted in European Russia. Novgorod,
the most pushing city in the cars dis
tracted realm, was surrounded by wa
ter in the middle ages. While we may
be sure that the fate which the geolo-
gists suggest for humanity Is very far
away, the facts recited to show the
drying up process are convincing proofs
of the need Of preserving our forests
with more care. - st. Paul Pioneer
proes
Oxford Democrat., 1908-06-16
MAY FIRES.
Ancient Scotch Custom Which involved
Human Sacrifice.

Ancient Scotch Custom Which Involved
Human Sacrifice.
Sir John Sinclairs statistical Ac-
count Of Scotland" contains notices OF
many old customs, which still contin-
ued to be observed in the Highlands,
though they were even then fast dying
out. From the eleventh volume Of that
great work, which was published In
1791 and the succeeding years, we
learn, on the authority Of the minister
Of Calender, Perthshire, that the boys
of the township assembled in body
upon the moors on May day and pro-
ceeded to dig q circular trench, leaving
the soil In the center undisturbed, so as
to form low table Of green turf suf.
ficient In size to accommodate the
whole party.
They lighted a fire and prepared a
custard of milk and eggs and large
oatmeal cake, which they baked upon a
stone placed in the embers. When they
had eaten the custard, they divided the
cake into as many equal portions as
there were persons in the assembly
and dau5 one Of those pieces with
charcoal until 1t was perfectly black.
They then placed all the pieces Of cake
together in a bonnet, and each in turn
drew one blindfolded. the holder Of the
bonnet being entitled to the last piece
The boy who drew the blackened por-
ton was destined to be sacrificed and
was compelled to leap three times
through the flames.
Although the ceremony had degen-
Grated into a mere pastlme for boys. 1t
Is evident that 1t must once upon
time have involved the actual sacrifice
of a human being in order to render
the coming summer fruitful.-Gentle-
mans Magazine.
Oxford Democrat., 1908-06-16
MEXICO CITY POLICE.
Street Lanterns That Keep Them visI.
liant at Night.

taUh
when | visited Mexico" said an
artist, II found innumerable things OF
interest, but that which gained my
notice particularly was the police sys-
en-. In the City Of Mexico the police
at night are stationed at short inter.
vals apart In the street. Each police
man has a lantern, which Is placed on
a stand In the center Of the street. 1t
is bis duty to remain In easy striking
distance Of this lantern at all times,
80 thatshe will be on hand in case OF
an emergency.
"Any person who is able to reach
the lamp and lift 1t from its hook be-
fore the policeman interferes is entitled
to a reward Of $500. Any policeman
who loses his lantern is subject to In
slant and dishonorable dismissal. This
Is to insure constant vigilance on their
part and to require their presence at
a certain point at all times. At first I
regarded the thing as joke, and l
tried to get possession Of the police
lantern. But then found that was
greatly mistaken. Not once, although
exercised extreme caution, was l
quick enough for the policeman on
watch
The City of Mexico is one Of the
best policed communities in the world.
Policemen are always on hand when
one requires them, and It is virtually
impossible for desperadoes to operate
I'm the open."-New York Telegram.
Oxford Democrat., 1908-06-16
Inxastiaatina GRANDPA.

A grandfather, well known In the
English house of commons, was chat
ting amicably with his little grand
daughter, who was snugly eEsconced on
his knee.
what makes your hair 80 white,
grandpa" the little miss querled.
81 am very old, my dear; ! was In
the ark" replied his lordship, with a
painful disregard Of the truth.
"Oh, you are Noah"
mo"
"Are you Shem, then?"
':No, I am not Shem."
"Are you Ham?"
"No."
"Then," said the little one, who was
fast nearing the limit Of her Biblical
knowledge, you must be Japheth."
A negative reply was given to this
query also, for the old gentleman in
wardly wondered what the outcome
would be.
"But, grandpa, If you are not Noah
or Shem or Ham or Japheth you must
be a beastv'