The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1908-11-21
CANDOUR as A HOME COMMODITY

Why is it that members of some
households consider themselves at lib
erty to make the rudest remarks to
each other on subjects that ought to
be sacred ground. We all know the
old saying which tells us that fools
rush in where angels fear to tread,
and when we find strangers from with
out the home circle inter meddling
with the bitter griefs of its members,
we are full of condemnation.
For instance, when callous ques-
tion was asked of girl in mourning
as to whom she was wearing it for, the
indignation of those in hearing of it
knew no bounds. But there are other
griefs than bereavement, and some
times they are even harder to bear.
If perfect freedom of remark is hab.
itually INDUCED in, the habit grows,
and grows, and the operator at last
becomes SO hardened to the sight of
the pain she inficts that it makes no
impression on her-no more than a
hedgehog's prickles makes on their
proprietor.
There is far too much candor in
family life Like all perversions of
good qualities, it is more aggravating
than many wholly bad ones. The
possessor can always make out such
good case for herself. II always
say what 1 think" /" is one of the fav-
orite experiences ofthese candid folk.
II never Aatter anyone" is another
of their pet sayings, but I have al
ways observed that a painfully frank
person is by no means rigidly "true
and just in all her dealings" Quite
the contrary, in fact. Such persons
seem to use up all their stock of can
dor in dealing round heartaches and
planting roots of bitterness wherever
they find an opportunity. They have
none left for occasions when it is obvi-
ously against their own interests to be
very honest and open. Double-deal-
ing often turks behind an exaggerated
appearance OF IIanKneSS.
The cultivation OF politeness in the
home averts much of this element OF
6yuSquer1e and unnecessary candor
with their consequences of ill-will and
wounded spirits. Politeness need not
mean stiffness, as some folk seem to
fancy that it does. 1t is only when
it is but occasionally douned and not
habitually worn that 1t becomes insep-
arabic from feeling of gene. "Com-
pany manners" should not be very
different from those of everyday life,
but those of every day are often la
mentally insufficient.
The reason that so many wounds
can be death to those at home by the
wielders of the weapon of candor is
that we are known with all our faults
to the members of the home circle.
Our weaknesses cannot expect to es-
cape the notice of those who see us
every day, and it is only after long
practice that we learn to receive the
thrusts of the over-candid with pa
tient forbearance. Sometimes we are
fain to acknowledge that we have
prc6ted by the sound and wholesome
home-truths conveyed to us by their
means, but 1t needs noble nature to
accept in this way what was meant as
dagger-thrust. There are cases
where some natural defect is made
the butt of sneers and rude remarks,
as when a sister remarks to- brother
"Pity you're so short, Jack |" when
she knows very we'll that poor Jack
would willingly give finger to be
the length of it taller. These nasty
little jests are not forgotten, and when
the day comes that the sister might
exert a benefcient influence over Jack,
she finds that he is armed against her
by the memory of her own words.
A very hateful form of candor is
that which impels people to reveal
family secrets, which have for some
very good reason been kept from some
of the members. "They think it only
right that he should know" and
straightway proceed to inform him
whoever he may be, without even
giving the unfortunate relatives the
chance of telling him themselves.
Such case occurred once in family
with which I had some acquaintance,
A woman, who was not even a rela-
tive, revealed carefully-guarded Sc
cret to boy who was still too young
to realize the importance of keeping
it to himself. Consequently it soor
became public property, and when,
after an interval, the truth was dis
covered as to how the boy came t.
know the facts, the person who hac
told him was heard TO express sur
prise that she was never invited to th'
So-and-so's now It would have
been more surprising if she had been
There are oficious people of thi
sort to be found in every circle, and
is always safer to keep them at dis
tance. Two such are enough to Sc
a whole city by the ears.-New Cen
tNry.