The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1908-02-01
SARCASM FOR STATESMEN
Some cf the Roasts Given Prominent
Men by the Members of the
Gridiron Club
CNeW York WOrld.)

Above the tables, as the dinner pro-
crossed foatcd vari-colOred balloons.
each rerreSen ing some presidential
boom. The presence Of number of
presidential candidates was one of the
features Of the dinner. and q good deal
Of fun was directed at them. For
instance. the announcement was made
that President Roosevelt had issued an
order placing the job of president I'M
der tn" civil service rules, and that a
civil service examiner was present to
conduct the examination. Representa-
tives Of the candidates were appointed
and put through Il severe ordeal To
test their knowledge of arithmetic.
geography and other studies. For eX-
ample. one Of the questions in geOg-
raphy was:
How far is it from Danville, H.. to
the White House. as the crow flies?'
Further" answered the candidate
than from any other place on earth
except Lincoln, Neb."
Mr.. Bryan" asked the examiner
please bound the enemy's country"
representative, but it wouldn't stay
bound"
Mr. Foraker. where do you locate
the encmy's country"
Home, Sweet Home" answered
Foraker's representative, ruefully
Turning to history" said the eX-
aminer, state what you know of Lin
coin. Judge Gray"
"Lincoln." said the judges repro
sentative. lis a town in Nebraska ia
nous for its heavy expectation of Ian
guage."
Did George Washington ever tell q
lie, Mr.. KnOX?" inquired the examiner
"Of course not" responded Knox's
representative. There wasn't any
White House to call at when he was
alive"
we will now take up the subject
Of ancient history" proceeded the
questioner What was Ananias?"
"Once he was a man." was the an
! swer, but now he is legion
Mr.. Fairbanks, how much is twice
two?"
II must decline to commit myself or
that question" replied the vice presi-
dents representative. firmly.
What are the duties Of the Secre-
tary of the treasury" was nanothel
question.
ITO keep his hands off other peo-
pies bOOms."
Under the head of theology, Mr.
Bryan" said the questioner, what is
your estimate Of st. Paul.
Il think that town ought to be wip-
ed off the map" said Bryan's repre-
sentative, resentfully.
When psychology was taken up the
examiner said: Judge Gray, give ar
example Of a fixed habit
"WilIiam Jennings Bryan" said the
judge.
This examination was suddenly end
ed by the appearance Of the double OF
Senator Bourne, who began deliver
ing his well known argument about
the necessity of giving Mr.. ROose-
welt what Mr.. Bourne calls a second
the proceedings. Each man whom he
addressed picked up his chair and
went off with it. Finally, Bourne
finding himself deprived Of his au
dience picked up a vacant chair and
began delivering his argument to it
whereupon the chair walked out of
the room all by itself.
Then a fortune teller appeared with
q crystal ball. in which he saw many
strange things-fOr instance, the Union
Station filled with runners from Vice
President Fairbanks, seeking for in
coming passengers from Indiana whom
the vice president might invite to
dinner. He also saw Elihu Root
who" he said, would rather make a
bright saying than be president"
Then, why doesn't he inquired a
member.