The Washington herald., 1908-02-09
MARIA'S MIDNIGHT LECTURES
LECTURE NO. 20.

been reduced % per cent. I shouldn't
be surprised If the price goes right up
again when he's released
And so there's going to be war with
Japan, after all-even If our fleet Is in
the Straits know It's so, because one
of the New York magazines says so,
and even fixes the date. Let me see
it's April /, l think What's that-all
fools day? Well. what Of IL? It's the
Japs'n be fooled. reckon! II there Is
war / wonder If President Roosevelt, as
Commander-in-Chief Of the Army and
Navy, will take the field I hope so;
then I'm sure we'd win. TIE trouble
with Mr.. Roosevelt is he's so modest
We all know he's one Of the W!sest
men on earth, and yet in his last mes
sage he begins paragraph by saying
I don't know Of course he does know,
but he's too timid 10 say so,
Did you eyer hear Of a luclder in
yestment than that Count Sneeze-om-
off, or whatever his name is, made? He
went down to the City Han. New York.
and he paid just one silver dollar for a
license, and then went up and married
a Vanderbilt. They're not worrying
about hard times, you may be sure
not this year, at least. They've got
100000 put away in d bank in Hun
gary, and they won't know anything
about a stringency in the money mar
ket, even if Mr.. COrtelyCu does refuse
to help Wall street once more ] tell
you, Job, that there's going TO be a lot
more stringency. as they call IT, II these
bankers don't quit running OF with
peoples money. They need just such
examples as that Of Banker Walsh, who
has been sentenced TO 30 years in pris-
on-I don't see why they didn't sentence
him for life, do you2
Il saw it stated in one Of the papers
that the recent panic was due entirely
to a lot of gossip between two women.
That's what these smart alexis call
Churchy lar Fem, as the French say
IL means that there's a woman at the
bottom of every trouble; you may be
sure that il was a Frenchman that
wrote that-nasty little beasts, ] see
some professor 1t Yale says that one
Of the hardest things in the world is 10
live with a genius-he meant hard for
q woman. Of course. I want 10 say
right now that most women have 20 be
real geniuses If they're going TO live
with the men they marry. OF course, /
hate 10 speak about myself, but the
fact that were still here In happy Tela-
tions together might be taken as sig
uihcant If some people were not so self
ishly blind. I may not have genius,
but
Did you see where q scientist has
discovered that insects blush just Ike
human beings do, not that I ever saw
you blush, job; no5 even that day when
l slipped and fell on the ice in front Of
the I n. C A and exposed my-Well.
l Go think you needn't have laughed.
just think Of insects having intelligence
enough TO blush. I should hope fieas
were not troubled with the habit much;
if they were, I should think they'd be a
little more careful on whom they jump.
went ever TO see Mrs. Catesby the other
day and took her poodle IN nay lap, and
when I got home I just know there was
a flea on me 1 felt him right between
my shoulders, and though I was late
for the reception and the euchTe party
at Harry Cunningham'S,- just had 10
undress almost entirely 20 get the little
brute of me-and then / had 10 reach
behind me with a parlor broom. I'll bet
that flea had forgotten how TO blush.
Talking about blushing. I think it's just
shameful what some of these editors
print You know my Aunt Jane. since
her husbands death. she's been running
the farm near EIkhart, Ind. all by her
self. and the paper had q piece all
about the Indiana woman-farmer and
spoke about her fine calves-I don't
think they have any right TO comment
on the personal appearance OF a poor,
lone woman.
I've been awful interested, too. IN
reading about that new law In Bel
gium which allows every married man
to have two votes. That's as it should
be Il offers a fine inducement for
marriage. for if man had two votes
he could really double his income on
election day. could hep Women could
get into politics that way, too. because
if a man had two votes he could use
one TO vote the way he wanted. and the
other 70 vote the way his wife wanted
then we might hope to have the
country properly governed. I'll bet that
If the women voted we wouldn't have
any Congresses costing US $50 a minute.
What do you know, job about this
Luther Burbank, who is able 10 turn
cabbages into pineapples, and grow
birds without feathers, which bark like
dogs. I hear a lot Of wonderful facts
about him He's going TO turn bis at
tention, l hear, 10 raising a ney. kind
if Presidential bee-a bee that will be
born with a natural aversion to any
thing like a Democratic bonnet. and
warranted not TO sting Dir. Bryan
again. Won't that be nice. He does
say the most interesting things. He
says that one ounce of eggs viii make
1000 silkworms-I don't know how he
does II, or whether he uses cold stor-
age eggs or not but some Of the eggs
we've been having for breakfast recent
ly tasted as if they'd been experiment
ed on.
What's that? Listen, job, That's
little Haley calling: he's crying Job.
Run and see what's the matter. What.
are you asleep? Well, I'll SO myself.
even If I do catch my death Of cold
Where in the world are my slippers?
I'm coming, Haley dear-mama's COM
ing! Oh, Tor. the poor child's got his
foot through a hole in the sheet That's
all right, Haley, my precious-no, don't
be frightened at that noise. it's only
father su0Tingi