The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1908-01-03


Is known as "the politicians s life
saver" a wave of prohibition was
sweeping Rome, and Bifrons' cam
dldate for the senate, bad to declare
hlmself one, way or the other to ev-
cry third man he met. But ne was
foxy Dago, and when he was asked,
'Do you drink, Biflons9" he would
slyly ask in return, els this an invi-
tation, or do you just want to
know?'
Rome had gate named for Janus.
1t led from the Palatine to the Quiri-
nal Hill, and was closed only when
Rome was at peace with the world.
This occurred but four times-unle:
Numa, Augustus Caesar and Vespa-
tian, and after the first Punic War.
Julius Caescr kept the gate open
wider than anybody. Just to salts
fy himself that no other Roman nad
ever had anything OH him in this re-
spect, he once drove twenty loads Of
hay through the gate abreast, as
against record of fourteen loads.
Caesar was a great joker, and his
favorlte pun was made at this gate.
Riding through when the sun was
setting, he pointed at the sunset with
one haml and at the passing railroad
construction crew with the ether,
and exclaimed to his lieutenants,
"Behold, the day goes!'
Another year (mark well the rhyme)
Has joined the Host Of Father Time.
a few more solid banks will burst
TO many trusting ones disgust.
The widow decently bercft
Will pop the question right and loft,
And luckless man, Of Leap Year butt,
Will scramble for the tall uncut.
The sport in congress will consist
or battles with the horney fist, the
gentleman Missouri bred will call
some one Il noodle head; they'll
clinch and bite each others cheek,
the frightened galleries will shrek,
the speaker will get out a gun, the
man from Arkansas will run, the
sergeant will blot through Il door,
the fight will spread upon the floor,
the clerk will climb the chaplain 5
back, and the air will sound with
l'iff and Whack; the War Depart
ment will turn out, the senate will
get in the bout, the Fairbanks with
triumphant cry, will black Ben Till
mans other eye; the President will
get his hat, his boxing gloves and
trusty bat, and will cXclaim on com
ing back, "All's quiet on the Po-to
mack ~
After that we shall have very pleas
ant weather. The moon will be full
on the 18th, and persons we never
heard Of will be mentioned for vice
| president. The Fisll-Harriman fight
! will go into the tenth round, and Mr..
Fish will complain to The Hague tri-
bunal that Mr. Harahan is using
| knucks. General Funston, on guard
at Goldliell, will appeal to Secretary
Metcalf to transfer him to Washing
In where the fighting is going on;
Christmas presents will be exchanged
| for something you want. and Japan,
hearing That the fleet is to keep right
on across the Pacific, will move over
on the mainland and dig cyclone
| cellars.
Persons born in January have cold
feet, and do not play poker IF they
are born under the Influence Of Aqu-
arius the water carrier, they will
vote dry. They are very ingenious,
! and know how to turn the gas meter
back. They have large families and
small incomes. They are good at fl
cures and can tell You whether wo-
mans shape is real or excelsior. They
are slow. to marry, but can get ii-
vorce as quick as anybody. They are
very shrewil in money matters, and
never give their wives the money.
Don't answer the doorbell this
month. It's book agent. Keep tho
silverware under the coal pile. IF you
come home late at night, look out for
highwaymen, and walk in the middle
OF the street, as the policeman does.
Don't write love letters. She will
save them.
The trusts will contime to show
us where to mead in, and congress
will vote. our money like it was
theirs. The fashionable wintering
places for the month will be South
| ern California and the Florida coast,