davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1908-12-09

Misfortune is always for those who
anticipate it by the abandonment OF
proper effort.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1908-12-16
IEurnor qno Philosophy
s, DUNCAN NJ. SMITH
KEEP THAT ORGAN TUNED.

~
Be on good terms with your liver.
Make it your own little pet.
See that it's not a bad actor,
Trying its place to forget.
Do not abuse or mistreat it.
Give it a chance that it may
Wholly. regardless of weather.
Be on the job every day.
Nothing will give YOU the pleasure.
Hand you the joy unconfined,
That you can get from liver
Trained to be gentle and kind
One that like clockwork is running
Whether you work or you rest.
Whether you sleep or go swimming,
Filling your moments with zest.
Life Is at best unattractive,
Seems like a burden 10 bear.
When you're at outs with your liver
And it is off on tear.
Troubles in companies come trooplng
Nothing is really worth while.
And while it's having its tantrum
Nothing could get you to smile.
Nowhere is there an investment
That will a man satisfy
Like a good workable liver
Trained to be earnest and spry.
Nurse it as you would an infant.
Humor it: make it friend.
On il you tAen at all seasons
May with assurance depend.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1908-12-16
RELICS OF THE DEAD.
Horrible Custom of South American
Indian Tribe.

Horrible Custom OF South American
Indian Tribe.
The Ucayali Indians, a numerous
south American tribe, with decided
cannibalistic tastes, who inhabit both
banks of one of the uppermOst and /
longest of the aff1uents of the Amazon,
have a system by which they preserve
the features of their dead, SO that
friends can always Identify those that
have gone to the happy hunting
ground as surely as if gazing at
photograph.
TO accomplish this they cut the head
from the body, but retain the long hair.
The CHASTITY, bleeding trophies of
days battle or nights massacre of
their enemies are suspended by the
long, straight black hair to the limb
of tree Directly under this they
dig Il hole, which they fill with water
in their primitive way causing it to
boil by placing hot stones in it, or, ii
near camp or village, an earthen pot
of boiling water is used
The ascending hot yapor and steam
which envelop the suspended head
outlined by the fire and shadows, like
ghosts in the darkness of a tropical
night, in the deep solitude and under
the black shadows Of the palm forests,
accompanied by the. weird antics of
the ugly human brutes and the shrek
of wild birds Of the night or the howl
of tigers, make scene that cannot be
fully described to the imagination.
This steaming process has the effect
of loosening the scalp from the skull
or in some way of sOftening it that all
the bones are removed. With the va
cant sack of skin drawn from the head
intact, they next fill it with hot pebbles
and sand These are replaced by 9th
ers when they are cool. The process
they Use has the effect of drying and
shrinking the SKIN, but in some way.
not clearly known, it preserves the
original features of the victim. They
are thus distorted and CHASTITY looking
reminders Of the departed London
Spare Moments.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1908-12-16
BOTH WERE TRICKY.
A Bit of Business Between Merchant


A Bit of Business Between a Merchant
and Lumberman.
There used to be an old retired mer
chant in Detroit who delighted in re-
calling his experiences when an active
man running Il general store in one Of
the northern cities Of the lower PENN
sula
Il used to reap a harvest when the
men were coming out of the woods"
he relates. 'They were not up in
styles, and about any old thing would
suit them provided the color was right
and the fit even passable. But there
were tricksters among them, and |
had to have my wits about me i'll Or
der to keep even with them
How much is that hat?' asked a
strapping six foOter who arrived from
camp one day with pocketful of
money.
"Two fifty I replied.
''Then he, Informed me that he al
ways had the crowns of his hats
his head cool and his hair from COM
ing out / soon had this attended to-,
and then he asked what the hat was
worth. Two fifty responded in sur
prise, but he laughed at me for asking
such q price for damaged goods. He
had me and got his hat for 81, while
the jolly crowd with him had laugh
at my expense. He wanted to look
at some 'fiddles, and after pricing one
at $40 concluded to take it.
Where's the bowY he asked as /
was doing up the package.
"'You only bought the fiddle
laughed. The others saw the point
and laughed too. The giant tried to
bluff me, but l kept good humored
and got even on the hat by charging
him $3.50 for the bow. l not only
got even, but the others were SO
pleased with my Yankee trick that
they spent plenty e money with me-
| Detroit Free Press.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1908-12-16
Maltese Muskrats.

One Of the most Objectionable Of the.
pests that intrude into houses in Malta
is the muskrat. Everything he touches
is impregnated with the odor from
which he derives his name. In wine
cellar he is worse than a dishonest but
Ter. In larder he is more destructive
than dozen cats. From pure wanton-
ness he taints and renders UNBEATABLE
everything within his reach. His odor
is so powerful and at the same time SO
penetrating that dozens OF bottles OF
beer may be ruined by his merely run
ming over the bottles. The muskrat IS
a squeaking little animal who commits
his enormities at night, and he adds IN
suit to injury by disturbing the repose
of the victims Of his Expectations
London Standard.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1908-12-16
WORKED HIS WAY.
The Job an Energetic Student Took to
Cross the Atlantic.

Cross the Atlantic.
Jack had paid his way always. Out
Of the poverty of his childhood he had
fought his way through the university.
After graduation be felt he must see
Europe. and with the little accumula-
ton he had he crossed the pond"
trusting to good luck to get home
again. But. his trip of sightseeing
over. he found himself in Liverpool
without money and with no means Of
getting any.
He thought he would just go down
to the steamship. go on board and see
how it would. seem if only he were GO
ing home.
AS he wandered over the Zig liner
his attention was attracted by cry
ing baby. The mother was travelling
alone, and while she was attempting
to see to all the thousand and one de-
tails, incident to the beginning of an
ocean tip the baby had resented the
neglect he felt he had received and
was crying The mother was at her
Wits end
Jacks kind heart prompted him to
say: Let :ue take the baby. madam.
Perhaps can keep him quiet, until
your preparations are made
This request. so unusual from a
stranger and especially from Il man
stranger. naturally filed her with sur
prise. but she looked Jack squarely in
the eve for u second and trusted him.
u wish you would" she said.
Jacks care was extremely satisfac.
tory to his babyship. and when, in q
half hour. the mother was ready to
reclaim her child she found a happy
baby cooling and trying to devour a
bunch of keys at one gulp.
She laughed as she took the young
ster and thanked Jack. Then she add
4 ed. quite III fun. Il wish you were 60
ing clear across
! Jack saw his opportunity. He said
Madam. I'm Il college student, out OF
funds and longing for home If 20;
Will pay my passage to America viii
take care of your baby all the Wa,
I across"
His proposition was accepted. and ht
kept his word. He is prominent law
yer now, and he looks back with con
siderable amusement to his eXperienc,
in getting home from Europe. Youth,
Companion.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1908-12-16
Wisdom Beyond His Years.

His mother found him in the jam
and reprimanded him. A little later
she caught him teasing his baby sis
ter and reprimanded him again.
: II don't see what's got into you. Will
lie," she said. You're usually the
good little boy, but today you're up to
all kinds of mischief"
'Tm tired of being good" he return
ed, with juvenile frankness.
'Tired of being goodr' she exclaim-
ed. What do you mean by thaty'
"Well, Brother Bob is naughty most
Of the time, and you're always giving
him things to get him to be good, and
l guess TIL be naughty for awhile and
see if don't get something too.'' = {.
Sometimes a youngster seems to have
wisdom beyond his years.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1908-12-16
MURDER OF THE SEAL.
The Way the Animals Are Slaughtered
by the Hunters.

The Way the Animals Are Slaughtered
by the Hunters.
The ice echoes no footballs, so the
murder of the seal is stealthy act
Yes, it seems like murder On the pan
lies a whitecoat alone. Up to it bur.
ries one of the hunters. Lifting his
bat above his head, he measures the
distance; then. swinging downward the
IRON Shod point. he strikes the skull OF
the seal such blow that it is crushed
in as if of pasteboard-4 Tossing aside
the bat and whipping out the scalpina
krife. while the creature is still culver
Ing. with swift undercut and two or
three side strokes the keen blade has
severed the hide and the layers of fat
beneath so they can be rolled into a
pelt. the hide holding the, fat in its
folds. The next whitecoat is with its
parents. Their hide is coarser, but
worth having, so the gunner takes a
quick aim. lodging q charge Of shot in
the head of the growing mate just al
the base of the brain, Here the skull
is thiunest. One of the. batters stands
6NNAN OVOA NuC OlOW uOl0 W DE0Vo0t
the mother from escaping, while an.
other bats the cub. Then the female.
| who would desert her offspring to save
her own life. is dubbed on the head.
| few strokes Of the knives and three
more bloody carcasses crimson the ice.
The pelt of the first seal is piled with
the other three in pan. The flagniau
sticks flag by its side. and the hunt
ers hurry forward. leaving the pelts to
be towed back to the ship when the
hunt is ended ~
Thus the slaughter continues hour
after hour until nightfall only ends the
stroke of the bat and thrust OF the
knife. II it began at daybreak the
field may be strewn with thousands of
| dead seals. for if the pan of ice il
thronged with them. as is sometimes
the case. a hundred men will kill ten
times their number in day. since most
OF the seals are harps. which seldom
try to protect their young. and. are
slain without attempting to defend
themselves.-Day Allen Wiley IN. Net
ronolitan ~ =
Previous to the sixteenth century
every physician in Europe wore ring
on his finger as an indication of his
professor. % =
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1908-12-16
A Maanate In Embryo.

At the opening exercises of one of
our schools it is the custom to have
notices and sentiments given by the
pupils. a., ~
Julius Moses gave, 'The pen is
mightier than the sword"
"Why, Julius, is the pen mightier
than the sword %
"Why? Because" answered julius,
"you can sign checks with sit."'-Circle.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1908-12-16

Uncanny
'Those window curtains appear to
be an ancient pattern .'
Yes: they have been in the fam
lily long time IL ~ 4,
IAN heirloom" o
swell. they are the shades OF my
departed grandmother.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1908-12-16
A Nice Little Hint.

First Lieutenant-How do you like
the horse you bought from me last
week.? Second Lieutenant - Very
much. He might hold his head little
higher, though. First Lieutenant-Oh,
that will come all right when he is
paid for.-LOndon Tit-Bits.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1908-12-16

The Last Straw.
A whistle blows
At break Of dawn:
A fellow mowS
Next door his lawn.
OF fish to sell
Up to my bed
There comes yell
To wake the dead.
Boy shakes the latch
To leave the News
Just as | catch
Another snooze.
And just before
Sleep on me waits
The boy next door
DOns roller skates. ~
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1908-12-16
Sounds the Alarm.

Sounds the Alarm.
What is your line of work with the
establishments
Il tend to the odds and ends. Wien
ever there is a disagreeable job it is
put up to me- For instance, when the
boss wants to get rid of man he
makes me discharge him."
Il see. You are the fire department y
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1908-12-16
Soothing.

"Are you hurt, John!'
Eyes, dear, am afraid three or four
of my ribs are broken"
'Well, don't feel bad; it doesn't
ow."-Houston Post.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1908-12-16
No Drawback.
Il married you for love-"

Il married you for love-"
Did you?"
Certainly"
Il noticed one thing, though"
WHAT
"You were not surprised at my bank
account"
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1908-12-16

Observe the face Of the wife to know
the husbands character. - Spanish
Proverb.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1908-12-16
Cigars

We cater to the wants of our custo-
mers. We have the best brands; we
keep our Cigars fresh; you always get
q good smoke from our case.
Christmas boxes containing II, 25 OF
80 Cigars at SOC up.
F. D.
Barton,
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1908-12-16
Christmos Candies

-. 3
This is one. of the importan. items
during the holidays and of course you
want the best, that means Oxford.
We have them in nice " christinasy /"
packages, all sizes.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1908-12-16

Military Brushes and Hand Mirrorssat
right prices.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1908-12-16
Perfumes and Toilet
Waters

Pure colors from natural flowers.
They differ from the ordinary in be-
ing pure, rich and strong. Try some
Of our Japanese, 81 90 per OF. Boxes
26c ND.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1908-12-16

TheyEaretbecomin a necessity and a
gift of one will not be amiss. We
have them.in all sizes and styles.
at 10c to. $3.50.
The Monticellonian., 1908-03-05
Hoq Cholera.

The greatest drawback to the hog industry which breeders in this eoun- try have to contend with is what is known as hog cholera and swine plague"
 Hog cholera is highly contagious disease and unless checked is liable to carry off great number of hogs in very short time.
 Mir. A. P Williams, of Burnetts Creek. Ind, tells of an experience which he had with some hogs that had the cholera Five years ago." says Mir. Williams, tI was in the em- ploy of MT. J. D. Richardson, Lafay- cite, Ind. as his barn foreman. Some fine hogs that 1 was feeding took the cholera. I gave them Sloans Lini- ment and did not lose a hog. Some were so bad they would not drink sweet milk and l was compelled to drench them. I have tried it at every opportunity since and always find it 0. K"
 Write for pr. Sloan's free book on the treatment of Horses, Cattle. Hogs, and Poultry Address: Dr. Earl S. Sloan, 615 Albany Street, Boston, Mass.
The Monticellonian., 1908-03-05

turtle-dove, then I am afraid he would nave been shocked at my conduct.
 1t was a great country for birds The naturalists could have pointed out three birds to my one, but we saw and noted among others the crows, the crow and COW blackbirds, jays. robins, red-shouldered starling or red-winged blackbird, doves, the down, hairy, red headed and golden-winged wood-peck- CTS, the cuckoo or rain-crow, shrikes, ground-sparrows, meadow-larks, horned larks, juncos, cardinals, the brown thrush or brown thrasher, the wood thrush. bee-martins or king birds, the orchard and Baltimore orioles, phoebes, fly-eatchers, prothonotary warblers, indigo birds, bluebirds, purple mar tins swallows, swifts, sparrow-hawks, redtailed hawks, king-fshers. little green herons, the large blue herons, all kinds of water fowl, both waders and swimmers, quail, ruffed grouse woodcock, nut-hatches, snowbirds. or snow bnntings, owls, bats. nighthawks and a host of warblers that 1 do not know the names of, wild eanaries or inches, cedar wax-wings, kildees and other birds.
 Each day in our jaunts we saw some of these. and their movements and lives. whether building nests and pre- pairing for the summer housekeeping, or feeding their young or defending their homes was all part and parcel of the never-failing variety of the pages in the great book of nature.
 A timid phoebe built her nest above the door of our east porch, and on our return would invariably dart from her domiclle and perch on a nearby maple until we went indoors. Then she would go back to the nest and resume her domestic duties.
 When we went into the pastures the meadow-larks would stalk cautiously before LIS. and finally, as we got too near for comfort they would spring from the grass and fit away short distance, resuming their search for insects. yet keeping a sharp outlook
The Monticellonian., 1908-03-05
The "PatroIium" \yaoon.

The telephone in police headquar. ters rang.
 .Is this the police station?" in- quired a woman's voice.
 Tt is," said c. E. McVey, the desk sergeant.
 Well. I wish you alrd send the pa. trolium wagon over to Fourth and Oak streets right away. Ole Bills got drunk again and he's just raising Cain. And say" the voice added, If you all don't send that wagon mighty quick you all might as well send a hearse, cause I'm goin' to hit that fool nigger in a minute"
 The wagon made hurry run. but returned empty few minutes later The driver reported that he could find no trouble.-Kansas City Star.
The Monticellonian., 1908-03-05
Deafness Cannot Be Cured

hy local applications. as they cannot reach the dis .ssed portion of the ear There is only one way ta sure deafness and that is by constitutional remedies Deafness is caused by an inAamed condition of the mucous lining of the Eustachiau Tube. When this tube is tnhamed You have Tumbiing sound or i'm perfect hearing and when it Is entirely closed Deaf. Is the result and unless the inflammation can be taken and this tube restored It's normal condi- tion, hearing will be destroyed forever; nine cases put of ten are caused by CatarFh which is nothing but an indamed condition of the mucous surfaces. We will give One Hundred Dlllars for any case of Deafness tcaused by catatFhi that cannot be cured by Halls Catsrrh Cure. Send for ctrculars free
 r. J. CHENEY CO, Toledo, 0. Sold by Druggists. 15c.
 Take Hal's Family Pllls for constipation.
The Monticellonian., 1908-03-05

on our intruding course through the meadows.
 Little ground sparrows would dart up wildly from tufts of grass, evi- dencing the vicinity of a hidden nest somewhere near at hand, and twice we found quail's nests, packed with eggs, and concealed cunningly from observation close to the fences. In the dead trees along the ravines, and in the woods, the wood-peckers, the golden winged and the red-heads, had tunneled their way into dead limbs and lived, sometimes one above the other, in true fiat" life.
 We often lounged on a green bank of heavy bluegrass and watched them swing and scold about these dwell ings, scolding and chasing one an other, their querulous calls at times evincing unmistakable anger, and at other times seeming to be merely ut. tered in a spirit of raillery. Here, too the quail would play along the hill- sides, and often carry on an interest ing courtship. l have seen coy she bird pursued by a pair of trim built male birds, and showing in her movements and coquetry much the same antics which I have observed in. ahem-as I was saying, the woods were where most of the birds gathered, and many long and golden afternoon we spent in trailing about the tim Der watching and studying their flight and peculiarities.
 Sometimes we talked. but compar- atively little. There was so brief space for conversation with all this beauty about us. As we crossed over the brow of some of the huge hills we caught sight often of the men in the fields, and barred our foreheads to the light breeze and watched the teams as they were urged forward by the plowmen. Idlers, were we? Who knows? And who dare judge? And even in toiling not nor spinning, at least supremely happy. These are the wise who as children play; even the ones rho as idlers seem. And has it not been written, and in the tenets of wisdom set down:
The Monticellonian., 1908-03-05
OLD SURGEON
Found Coffee Caused Hands to
 Iremble.

The surgeons duties require clear Judgment and steady hand. A slip or an unnecessary incision may do ir- reparable damage to the patient.
 When he found that coffee drinking caused his hands to tremble, an Ills. surgeon conscientiously gave it up and this is his story.
 For years 1 was coffee drinker until my nervous system was nearly broken down, my hands trembled so could hardly write, and insomnia tor tured me at night
 Besides, how could I safely per form operations with unsteady hands, using knives and instruments of pre- cision? When I saw plainly the bad effects of coffee, I decided to stop it, and three years ago l prepared some Postum, of which I had received a sample.
 The first cupful surprised me. It was mild, soothing, delicious. At this time I gave some Postum to a friend who was in similar condition to mine, from the use of coffee.
 "A few days after, l met him and he was full of praise for Postum, de- claring he would never return to cof fee but stick to Postum. We then or dered full supply and within a short time my nervousness and consequent trembling. as well as insomnia, disap- peared. blood circulation became nor. nal, no dizziness nor heat flashes.
 My friend became a Postum en- thusiast, his whole family using it ex- clusively.
 Tt would be the fault of the one who brewed the Postum, if it did not taste good when served.
 The best food may be spoiled if not properly made. Postum should be boiled according to directions on the pkg. Then it is all right. anyone can rely on it. It ought to become the national drink There's a Reason" !" Name given by Postum Co.,, Battle Creek, Mich. Read The Road to Wellyille," in pkgS,
The Monticellonian., 1908-03-05
Had No Faith In Banks,

Because he had no faith in banks and kept his savings at home, secret ed in hole In the wall, Sam LeGrand, a negro farmer living on Hortons Is land, known as the Triplett place. near Noble Lake, lost s600, the savings of a lifetime, and his home was also de stroyed by fire.
 The old negro said he and his wife were away visiting friends at a near by farm. While they were away, he believes his home was entered by bur glars. the money taken and the house fired Regardless of the theory he ad- vances. he found his home in ashes upon his return