Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1908-12-19
BILL BROWN
WANTED BY WIDOWS
(Dallas Itemizer !

lDallas ltemfzer)
Since Bill Brown save his famous
olrthday dinner 10 widows he is re-
ceiv'ng daily several letters from s'i .
parts of the United States, mostly .
written in iovial vein. OF which the /
Following is sample:
25S r. Broadway. Louisville, Ky. /
Dec. 3, 1908.
Dear Mr.. Brown: Trusting that
none of the widows carried off the
Nrze at your recent banquet. I write
20 yoI IN behalf of tho Amalgamatud
Association of Kentucky WidoN's
and request permission to enter It's
members In the matrimonial handi-
cap. You have lot the time Of your
Nte, the everyday existence by not
knowing our home brand OF widows.
widows by death and by DEGREES.
some having their loss by insurance
and some by alimony.
They are bred In old Kentucky
and are more mellow and intnxical-
Ing than its whisky They can set
a ewifter pace than its horses. and
are sweeter than its mint beds,
though not so green.
The blue grass widow has inh lr-
tied all the good and gracious gifts
of nature; her satin skin excels the
shining skin Of the racer; you can
light your cigar at her eyes and
warm your hands at her heart; the
roses pasture on her cheek her
lips are redder and sweeter than a
lice of Georgia watermelon. while
her hair Is like light and dark Bur
ley; her form displays more curves
than a champion baseball pitcher.
Say, she is altogether lovely, not
too good for the bad nor too bad for
the good Killing cur citizens in
the close season has thinned out our
eligible bachelors and widowers, by
deducting them from the census,
and when the other widows and
read an account OF your birthday
| feast in the paper and found that
you were so rich you possibly Just
worked for spite, we determined to
WOO and win you. Don't tell us we
will have to wait a year for the next
spread; make Il quarterly affair,
and am certain that when our com
mittee waits upon the railroad. peo-
pie and demands n special rate for
our trip TO oregon, the officials will
railroad us through at once.
I'VE Will travel In private car
! adorned with postcards advertising
| you and the road. also any Dallas
stores that may have contracts with
us, and YOU can depend upon II, your
name, the simple name OF Brown,
will 60 stampeding down the halls OF
fame.
You will find us chop suey
! beauty, brains and wit, widows who
can cook. widows who can look. wild
ows who never got the hook. widows
who bring TO book, little widows and
those as shy as n ham sandwich In
| Jerusalem. The men OF Dallas will
be so illustrated by our arrival that
they will chase around like an old
hen with ducks We are all bottled
In bond and have our names in the
herd book; We are sklttish. but can
be taguht to stand without hitching
and eat out OF your hand. II iqI
patent TO n that you have a big
heart and enough OF the milk OF
human kindness In your nature 90
make several pounds OF batter
I'VE are willing 20 take our
chances against the widows OF Ore
gon and wish 10 be honeysuckle 10 |
your oak. We expect to hold four |
aces In this game OF hearts and |
leave others TO hold an inquest, Let |
rs know at once II you will give |
another supper and invite us Re-
member, time Is flying and leap year
will soon be gone. Now Is your /
chance 20 meet these simon-pure /
products OF the dark and bloody /
ground and get some experience Cf
the widows mite. Begging that you
will not trifle with us. but let az
hear from you soon, remain, ex-
pectantly ELVIRA MILLER,
Secretary OF the Amalgamated Or
der OF Kentucky widows"