Tombstone epitaph., 1908-04-19
"All Because
It's His'n n

He lives in Tombstone. They ar
 not all like him. Thank Heaven, h
 is scarce, but occasionally you fnC
 one like this:-
 He has just nine claims, to- wit
 the Bull Pup, the Rawhide Extension of the Gila Monster, the Rattler, tn, Tsrantula, the Tugawala, the Howler
 the Lead Pipe Cinch, the Holy Fright and the Keeley Cure.
 Now this old Lizard learns after reading the columns of the PhosPEcToa lsboriously in the sbsense of his specs" that party of capitalists will arrive in Tombstone on certain day and at an appointed hour, and he shines his shoes with stove polish and comes to town and crucifes them one by one.
 He has nine s foo. holes, on those nine claims, each and every one of which i- in imaculate limestone, un- ;arnished by any suggestion of copper, unaccompsnied ny the slightest as- socistion with iron, unsullied by the vemotest relation to gold, silver, lead, tungsten, or bismuth, incomparable in its superb isolation from the con. dominating influence of any known metal.
 When he meets these polished gentlemen, their hereditary notion of civili,y requires them to stand nailed to the cross while he explains, how, in the first place, tha. trend, contact or dyke, as the case msy be, can be plainly traced from the diaphragm Of the Tombstone Consolidated, right under his yir.uous shack 5 miles away, and how he has the same identical variety of blossom in lis back yard that they have on the Emerald, and how, in addition to favorable silver indications, he is sc- curately astride of the mighty corper belt vhich starts out in CansneI, bobs up in the Huachucss, blooms forth gloriously in Bisbee, lifts its head in the lower workings of the Tom nstone Consolidated, takes an underground run to Morerei, side steps to Globe and ends up in the wholesale bushes. in Jerome.
 Al! this time the next fellow who owns ten claims 75 miles away st diametricsl right angles to this belt, can easily twist it around to accomo- date the theory that he is squarely in the middle of it. This he can do as easily as an ostrich can swallow q souvenir spoon.
 Now this individual is dumbfound- ed and broken-hearted because the mighty man in the Panama hat does not break his neck, rushing out to see that property" on his representa- tions.
 He is sure that il the party could only once Jay eyes on his ground, he could not make the papers out fast enough.
 At times he has notion to kidnsp, hog tie and conduct some mighty man of means out to that ground just knowing that he would be rewarded for bis daring and frui.iess deed by the cash and blessings of the kidnapee, along ~i.h leap year proposal from the miilionaire's eldest daughter. But to the investor, the manner m which that poor copper belt has been kinked and twisted and bent and shrunk and stretched by turns cep only be explained on the theory oI
 sorcery.
 Had not copper been distinguishes for it's maleabiIity and tensile tenacity
 that poor little belt would have besr
 twisted in twain a thousand times.
 They can trace that belt from tn
 portals of Paradise to the ha'che
 of perdition, from attitudes be
 low sea level to elevations 6
 majestic that from their hoar summits, you could tickle tn toes of the man in the moon with broom stick, from temperatures ths would give s polar bear rigor mort to localities where the pros pectt
 .nslts and ruUs cut of his overall and his only vail Is "Ii could on '. go down."
 e The fact is, he might bore till tl e pent up cslora of the infernal regiol = melted the diamond in his drill b e and until he broke surface in son 1f Chinese tea garden on the antipodt al and he would still be in limestor