The Kendrick gazette. [volume] (Kendrick, Idaho) 1892-1968, 1908-12-18

-- $500 9OAAS - kAV
meat. please."-Life.
Patience-That Miss Below is going
to sing. Patrice-Oh, is she? What
shall we talk about?!The Taller.
Prospective Country Boarder-is the
water won have here healthy? Land
lady-Yes, sir. We use only well
water.-Boston Transcript.
Mrs. Henpeck-You were talking in
your sleep last night, Henry. Nj.
Henpeck-I beg your pardon, my dear,
for having Interrupted you.-Stray
Stories.
Sillicus-What do you consider is
the proper time for a man to marry?
Cynicus-Oh. | suppose when he hasn't
anything else to worry him.-Philadel-
phia Record.
Departing Guest-We've had a simp-
" delightful time! Hostess-I'm SO
glad. At the same time / regret that
the storm kept all u best people
away.-Brooklyn Life.
Mrs. Bacon-This paper says that a
mans hair turns gray about five years
earlier than a woman's. Mr.. Bacon
That Is because a man wears his hair
all the time.-Yonkers Statesman.
Elderly Uncle-Spent your entire
patrimony. have you. Archibald? Gone
through everything? Scapegrace Neph-
ew-Yes. uncle. everything but the
bankruptcy court.-Chicago Tribune.
Faddist visitor-Are you allowed in
this prison any exercise beneficial for
your health? Convict-Oh, yes, ma'am.
By advice Of my counsel l have been
skipping the rope.-Baltimore Ameri-
can.
DO you play any instrument, Mr..
Jimp?' "Yes, I'm a cornetist." "And
your sisterT "She's a pianist" Does
your mother playa" "She's a zither-
list" And your father?" "Hes a pes
simlst."
IF l were you," said the old bache-
Tor to the benedict, I'D either rule or
know why" "Well," was the reply,
"as 1 already know why, 1 suppose
that's half the battle !"-Atlanta Con-
stitution.
Dawson-The facial features plainly
indicate character and disposition. In
selecting your wife were you governed
BY her chin? Spenlow-No: but 1
have been ever since we were married.
Boston Globe.
"Have you" asked the Judge of a
recently convicted man, anything to
offer the court before sentence is
passedT" mo, your honor" replied
the prisoner, tiny lawyer took my last
cent."-The Reporter.
Niece-Uncle. they say that there are
more marriages of blondes than Of bru-
nettes. Why Is 1t, l wonder? Uncle
Singleton "a confirmed bachelor)--
H'mi Naturally, the lightheaded ones
go f1rst.-The Mirror.
Country Editor (out West)-This
has been a lucky day for me. Faith
full Wife-Has some one been in to pay
a subscription? Editor-Well, no,
wasn't as lucky as that; but I was
shot at and missed.-New York Week
ly.
"And do you like newspaper menf'
he asked the little maid in a most con-
descending tone Of voice. 81 don't
know" she replied, artlessly; "the on
~ n l know is the one who brings
u paper every morning."-Lippin-
colts Magazine.
Farmer Barker-I want to get a
present to take home to my wife on
the farm. Elegant Clerk-How would
she like a pie knife? Farmer Barker
Good land. young man! Amt you
never been told you mustn't eat pie
with no knife?-New York Times.
The little girl was very fond of plea
SAINT days, and ut the close of a heavy
rainstorm petitioned in her prayer for
fine weather; when the next morning
the sun shone bright and clear she
became jubilant, and told her prayer
to her grandmother, who said: well,
dear, why can't you pray tonight that
1t may be warmer tomorrow SO that
grandma's rheumatism will be better? p
"All right, l WILL" was the quick re.
spouse; and that night as she knelt
she said: 20 Lord, please make 1t hot
for grandma"
Grubb-I hear your last novel has
already appeared in its sixth edition.
How did you manage to become SO
p~henomenally popular? Scrubb-very
simple. l put a personal in the pa.
pers saying that l was looking for q
wife who is something like the hero
inc Of my novel. Within two days the
frst edition was sold out.-Tit-Bi Bits.
"Why, that's a regular little print.
ing press, isn't IT." remarked the Wis.
ltor. "Yes," replied Mrs. Popley,
"Willie's uncle CAV it to him on his
birthday" what a complete little
thing! It's s%elf-inking, isn't it," 81
don't know; but Willie Is"
"Now, Pat, would you sooner lose
your money or your life?" "Why. me
loife. yer reverence; I want me money
for me old age"
Both Alike.