davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24
READY REASONING.
One Guess About Venus Of Milo
Proved to BE Wrong.

They stood before the reproduction
OF the Venus of Melos.
Her hands must have been beaut-
full" said one.
Very" assented the other. Il won-
der what position they were in?"
Il have n theory that she was repro
sented as busted at her toilet. One
hand probably held small mirror"
And the other a powder pun. ehf
But that theory won't work"
And why not?"
Had she been at her toilet her
mouth would have been full OF hair
pins."-Louisville Courier-Journal.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24
10 Had Another Name For II.

J. F. Johnson. the new United States
Senator from Alabama, is an ardent ag-
riculturist. One day, shortly after re-
firing from the governorship and re-
turning to his home In Birmingham. he
donned his overalls and went to work
in the garien.
A society lady, a newcomer. entered
the yard to call on Mrs. Johnston. Her
ring at the door not being answered.
she walked into the garden.
How long have you worked for the
Johnstons?" she inquired OF the man
she found there.
"A good many years. madam.
DO they pay you well?"
About all l get out of 1t is my
clothes and my keep
why. then. come and work for me. !"
she said. 'I'1l do that and pay you SO
much q month besides
Il thank you. madam" he replied.
but I signed up with Mrs. Johnston
for life."
why. no such contract is binding.
That is peonage."
II have always called It marriage"
replied the Senator.-Success Maga-
zine.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24
THE SAFE WAY TO BUY PAINT.

Property owners will save . deal
of trouble and expense In keeping
their buildings properly painted, II
they know how to protect themselves
against Misrepresentation and adul-
teration in paint materials. There's
one sure and safe guide to a pure and
thoroughly dependable White Lead
that's the Dutch Boy Painter" trade
mark which the National Lead Com
pany. the largest makers of genuine
White Lead. place on every package
of their product. This company sends
simple and sure little outfit for test
ing white lead. and valuable paint
book. free. to all who write for It,
Their address is Woodbridge Bldg.
New York City.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24
IL Came on.

The fair bather was in the greatest
Danger when the heroic rescuer seized
her by the hair. II came on. Puns
and coils and waves and rats It
g;rewed the shudderins sea.
For . moment the rescuer was
dazed.
Then he graspcd the tiny knob Of
real hair that remained on the lady's
head and drew her into shallow water.
Did she thank him for saving her
life7
She dIdnt.-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24
The Sian Of Power

II 10 the greatest manifestation OF
power to be calm. 1t Is easy to be
active. Let the reins go. and the
horses will drag you down. Anyone
can do that: but he who can stop the
plunging horses Is the strong man.
Which requires the greater strength
letting go. or restraining? The calm
man is not the man who is dull. You
must not mistake calmness for dull
ness or laziness. Activity II
the manifestation Of the lower
strength. calmness OF the superior
strength.-Swami Vivekannanda-
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24
AN iNoENIoUs sEooAR.
BOUGHT crvsoe's FlreIoek.

Hulda u. White OF Philadelphia has
purchased the firelock used by Al.
exander Selkirk. Defoe's original Rob
insou Crusoe on the island OF Juan
Fernandez. at a sale In Edinburgh.
The relic has an authentic pedigree.
and for a long time was In the pos.
session OF Selkirk's relatives In Fife
shire. Scotland. The price paid far
the gun was $160.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24


a
a
and torney
and assist James Garfield then heading
$ a
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24
oisTE MPER

In all its forms among all age. Of horses.
as well as dogs, cured and others IN the
srme stable prevented from having the
disease with SPOHN'S DISTEMPER
CURE. Every bottle guaranteed. Over
10000 bottles sold last year $50 and
81 90. Any good druggist or send to man.
ufncturcrs. Agents wanted. Write for
free book; Spohn Medical Co, Spec. Con-
tagious Diseases, Goshen, Ind.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24


libel
those pllored n
Upton Sinclair been called the original He
has been a handicap
in
a
He
in
of his sbestbo O
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24
Shower Of Sulphur.

Charoiies. n small town 30 miles from
Macon. In France. has recently been
visited by n shower OF sulphur. The
roofs. gardens. fields. vineyards. rivers
and ponds were covered with n yellow
dust. and for some time the peasants
In the fields were troubled by n sui
phurous biting odor which made
breathing difficult.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24
FLAYS MONEY MAGNATES

Upton Sinclair. the irrepressibe. has made
his way into the limelight again with a new
book. which seems certain to arouse much
comment across the country have most of
Its predecessors-whch is saying a great deal.
This time Mr.. Sinclair. In The Money Chang
ers." takes fall or two out OF Wall street and
Its group Of all-powerful financial magnates. He
has drawn a series of pictures OF the money
kings which are not the portraits those gentle
men accustomed to seeing Of themselves
In the newspapers and magazines
The author announces that he expects and
is prepared for voley Of indignant protests
from the men he has put in the pages of his
book under gauze masks. Il have afidavits and
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24
TO JOIN CLOSE CORPORATION"

Herbert Knox Smith, commissioner of the
United States bureau Of corporations and hence
a "nearcabinet" member. has acquired so much
knowledge of the habits and benefits of corpora
tons that he is about to become interested in
one himself. 1t is not expected that the new
alliance Of the commissioner will make 1t neces-
sary for him to relinquish his position under
Secretary Garfield. although 1t may be said
that he Is to control nearly so per cent. of the
holdings and stock of the new concern. The
other half-or a trine more-will be held by the
other partner In the prospective combination
She is Miss Gertrude Elizabeth Dietrich. daugh-
ter OF former Senator Dietrich OF Nebraska. The
wedding will take place during the fall. OF which
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24
80 LOGICAL

Mrs. Sparker-Do you think she
really prefers horse to the motor
car?
Mrs. Tyse-Well. any one must ad-
init that a horse is more becoming to
a woman with such hay-colored hair!
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24
More Ojonided.

Good night. you precious lamb
said the mother. with the liberty one
sometimes takes. even with ones son
at bedtime.
Mother" said the small boy be.
seechingly. "if you must call me some.
thing. wouldn't you Just as soon call
me q billygoat? Companion
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24

these years Of pain I was despairing
Of ever being cured when Doans Kid
ney Pills came to my notice and their
use brought quick relief and perma-
nent cure. am very grateful"
Sold by all dealers. so cents a box.
Foster-Milburn Co.. Buffalo, N. Y.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24
in THE LIMELIGHT
OPPOSITION TO NEGRO

William II. Lewis is to be appointed assist
ant encouragement Of the United States. ac-
cording to the unofficial statement that has
reached that department in Washington and
the news has created something of a tempest in
official circles. Washington is pretty nearly a
southern city. anyway and a great share of its
population is made up OF former office-holders
from southern states who have been loath to
tear themselves away from the national city
when their official salaries stopped Moreover.
many of the present office-holder3 men of
southern birth and ideas.
Mr.. Lewis is thoroughly qualified for the
ONCE At present he is assistant United States
attorney for the eastern district OF Massachu-
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24

than ten years I was
In misery with back
ache. The simplest
housework completely
exhausted me. / had
no strength or ambi-
tion. was nervous and
suffered headache and
dizzy spells. After
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24


a
list preacher and this the lad chance crafty his thirst for reading
he
ard.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24
VETERAN OF 10000 BATTLES
Every one of the nights upon which a n

Every one OF the nights upon which a news
paper goes to press Is to a managing editor a
Trafalgar or Waterloo Chester s. Lord man.
aging editor Of the New York Sum- has fought
and won approximately 10000 OF these battles.
Some member of his stan once said that in
each Of these Sattles Mr.. Lord had been arrayed
against 10000 demons of detail which go to
make up the great army Of nervous prostration.
When Mr.. Lord passed his twenty fifth an
niversary Of service managing editor Of the
Sun, in 1905. his stan gave him a dinner as a
tribute Of affection to "a supremely able man
and Just and kindly man."
Most managing editors Of the big newspa-
pers buriei In awe-inspiring ofices and are
but little known to their ren0rters Mr. Lord
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24
Bait.

Yeast-Did he run out of worms
while fishing, you say?
Crimsonbeak-Yes.
"And what did he do?"
FINISHED up with the snakes in the
bottle!"-Yonkers Statesman.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24


of
of in
A.
the
nued his work
oft the niversiy O he o.
Mr. a
Of he
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24

Anyway. the man who borrows tro,
BILE isn't asked to return 1t.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24
Let Him or Easy.

Lola-Last night Young Borem Do
clared he would willingly go to the
ends of the earth for me.
Grace-And what did you say?
Lola-I finally got him to make
start for home and let 1t go at that
Chicago News.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24

Many a man believes in eternal pun.
ishment-for his neighbor.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24

Mr~ winslow's Soothing syrup.
For children taethns softens the gums reduces N
aammstion silays palm cures wind colo 2sc bossas
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24

II Your Feet Ache or burn
get 2sc package of Aliens Foot Ia -. II Gtyei
quick relief. Two million packages sold yearly.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24

The only way some people know 1,
the other way.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24

Moro proof that Lydia e. PinIr.
hams Vegetable Compound saves
woman from surgical operations.
Mrs. s. A. Williams, of Gardiner,
Maine, writes:
81 was a great sufferer from female
troubles, and Lydia E. Pinlsham's Vege-
table Compound restored me TO health
in three months, after my physician
declared that an operation was sbso-
lutely necessary"
Mrs. Alvina Sperling, of 154 Oey-
bourne Ave-, Chicago, Ill, writes:
~ suffered from female troubles, .
tumor and much Inflammation. Two
OF the best doctors in Chicago decided
that an operation WAS necessary to save
my life. Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound entirely cured me without
An operation"
FACTS FOR SICK WOMEN.
For thirty years Lydia T. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound, made
from roots and herbs, has been the
standard remedy for female ills,
and has positively cured thousands OF
women who have been troubled with
displacements, Inflammation, ulcera-
ton, fibroid tumors, irregularities,
periodic pains, backache, that bear
ing g-down feeling, flatulency, indiges-
tion, ,dizziness,o or nervous prostration.
Why don't you try itp
Mrs. Pinkham invites all sick
women to write her for advice.
She has guided thousands to
health. Address, Lynn Alass.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24
TEN YEARS OF sAckAcHe.
Thousands Of Women Suffer In tn,
Same Way.

Mrs. Thos. Dunn, 1853 Vine St.,
Columbus, Ohio, says: For more
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24
Important to Mothers.

CASTORlA safe and sure remedy for
infants and children. and see that 1t
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24
OF Most Benefit,

The fault which humbles us is o.
more use than a good action which
puffs US up with pride.-Boyee.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24
Good for Sore Exea.

for 100 years PETTlT'S EYE SALvE ha
positively cured eye diseases cverywher,
All druggists or Howard Bros. Buffalo. n.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24

Some men treat their wives well, and
some wives help themselves.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1908-09-24

W. N. w. DENVER, NO. 80, 1908.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-12
TALES OR INTENSE COLD
Old Soldier Tells of Oxen Freezing
While in Motion.
Wagons Abandoned fn Minnesota,
with the Temperature ~ De-
grees Below,

The present mild winter recalls to
the mind of Paul C. Biersach. of 643
Astor street. his experience Of forty
four years ago, when as a member Of the
Sixth Minnesota Regiment. in command
of Col. Crook, he experienced his cold
est winter says the Milwaukee Free
Press
The regiment was on the Dakota
prairies IN a return trip from the In
dian encampment. where, after the
raids of 1923, 200 red men were con-
fined by the troops The Sixth Mime
sofa was detailed to convey supplies to
the Indians. and in the return trip the
weather became extremely cold
The regiment camped on the prairie
when the thermometer registered Al
degrees in the shade" The cold was
so intense that oxen used 10 convey
supplies were frozen and the wagons
were abandoned. Incidents leading up
10 this time were Teplete with the aC-
tiYities Of the Indians in the North
west. but it was about the last time a
formidable showing of strength on
their part disturbed the usual tran
quillity.
Another well known veterans winter
experiences in the South present
strange contrasts. His bivOuac was
often on the cold. cold ground, and he
imagines that a wet blanket" on @
stormy night in the region Of North
Carolina or Tennessee is about as
chilling as our Northern frosts. This
is John Albert, OF 2126 Prairie street.
and his experience has been acquired
in both seCtions-NOTth and South
John has become a great admirer Of
Archbishop MessmeT, who has made a
public skating and sleighing park Of
his spacious premises corner Of Chest
nut and Twenty-secOnd streets. john
was so taken with the novelty Of the
thing that yesterday he asked the boys
to give him q ride and, down he
COuTsed. but his weight exceeded his
ambition. and the veteran tumbled head
foremost over the embankment This
does not cool his ardor as TO the genial
qualities of the bishop. whom he highly
commends for his love Of children and
his invitation to them to make merry
on the delightful sleighing course from
his house to Cold Spring avenue.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-12
QUICK WIT SAVED HIM.
TreasOnOus Lieutenant Promoted by
Emperor Paul, of Russia.

Emperor Paul, of Russia.
The following anecdote is told Of the
Emperor Paul of Russia: One wet day,
for want of something better 10 do. one
of the officers of the personal guard Of
the Emperor, who possessed extraOrdi-
nary powers of mimicry, was amusing
his brother officers by a display Of his
art, and had selected the Emperor Paul
as the object on which to exercise his
skill
He was in the height of his perform
ance when the Car entered, unperceived
by the mimic. The officers were about
10 stop him. but the Car made them a
sign not to do so, and, advancing to the
young man, crossed his arms before him,
and sternly ordered him TO go on with
his entertainment. The officer. instead of
being abashed. as might naturally have
been expected. with perfect self-pOSses-
sion, proceeded to initiate the Cars tone
of voice and manner, and said, ''Lieuten-
ant, you deserve TO be degraded, but, be
ing clemency itself, not only pardon
you, but promote you TO be a captain. a"
To his honor, Paul, in reply magnani-
mously said, "Be it so" and walked
away,
The Washington herald., 1908-01-12
BILL NYE AND HIS cow.
How He Advertised the Beast for
Sale

How He Advertised the Beast for
Sale.
Bill Nye, the humOrist, once had a COW
90 sell. and advertised her as follows:
Owing TO my III health I will SELL at
my residence, In township 10, range 1S
according 10 the governments survey, one
plush raspberry COW, aged eight years
She is of undoubted courage. and gives
milk frequently. To a man who does not
fear death IN any form she would be a
great boon. She is very much attached
TO her present home with a stay-chain,
but she viii be sold to any one who will
agree to treat her right She is one
fourth shorthorn and three-quarters hy-
ena. I Will also throw In a double-bar-
relied shotgun, which goes with her. In
May she usually goes away for a week or
two and returns with q tall red calf with
wabbly legs. Her name is Rose. 1 would
rather sell to a nonresident"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-12
TO THE CAPITALIST CLASS.
By RUDYARD KIPLING.

We have fed you all for a thousand years.
And you hail still unfed
Though there's a dollar Of all your wealth
But marks the workers dead.
We have yielded our best to give you rest,
And you lie on a crimson wool,
For if blood be the price of all your wealth
Good God, we ha paid it In full
There's never mine blown skyward now
But We're buried alive for you;
There's never wreck drifts shOreward now
But we are its CHASTITY crew
Go reckon our dead by the FORCES red,
And the factories where we spin;
If blood be the price of your accursed wealth
Good God, we ha paid it in full.
We have fed you all for a thousand years
For that was our doom, you know
From the days when You chained in your fields
To the strike of a Week ago.
You ha' eaten our lives and our babes and wives
And we're told It's your legal share
But II blood be the price of your lawful wealth.
Good God we ha bought it fair.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-12
How oId Is the Human Racei

According to the best authorities, the
total number of years elapsed since. in
the light Of best geological evidence. men
first appeared upon earth is placed at
2S8.o00 OF this 1900 years belong to the
pre-glacial epoch, 100000 years to the
glacial. 1900 years to the interval be-
tween the glacial epoch and the proto-
historic and neOlithic. 10000 years TO the
two last named epochs, and 5000 years
10 the time elapsed since the beginning
ef the historic period in Egypt
The Washington herald., 1908-01-12
SELF-INTEREST.

From the Boston Post
A real estate firm had lots for sale in a
new suburban addition. The young. en-
thusiastic member was writing the adver-
tisement,/ eloquenee flowing from his pen.
He urged intending purchasers to seize
the passing moment.
Napoleon not only met the opportunity.
he created it,"
The senior partner read this line in the
advertisement slowly and carefully.
This fellow Napoleon" he observed.
quizzically, what's the use of advertising
him With our money!"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-12
TALK ON THEOSOPHY.
sTnequRIities of Life" Discussed AT
Meeting of BIavatsky Branch,

meetAhE oI bIafalsky Bfanchs
THE Inequalities Of Life" was the sub
Sect discussed by members and visitors at
the meeting of the Blavatsky Branch Of
The Theosophical Society on Monday even
ing. 1t was stated, by the students, that
an explanation is afforded of this problem.
once we accept the theory Of evolution
and the law of cause and effect Man,
It was said, Is evolving in three ways,
physical, mortal, and spiritual all make
some progress in one or more OF the three
lines of development, no two men de-
Veloping in the same way at the same
period, hence, we pass out Of earth life
and pass in, only partially and differ
emily developed, but our present states
are all just under the law of cause and
effect: we are what we have made our
selves 10 be-
The Washington herald., 1908-01-12
CRAZE FOR RELICS
Queer Form It Took in the
Middle Ages.
SAvIOUR's TEARS IN DEMAND

Wood from the Cross Also Popular,
as Were Nails froIa the Feet Of the
saint and Blood of the Apostles.
Warriors Also share In the AduIa-
ti0n-Stairs Are sacred.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-12

To-day Whitehall is the main thorough
fare between Trafalgar Square and the
Houses of Parliament. and N the superb
and stately buildings lining IL, the
various departments Of the government
are housed II is an avenue nearly 200
| feet in width, and passes through the
great courtyard of old Whitehall palace.
To what it owes it's name l am unable
to say. Philip II of Spain was equally at
sea about the matter, and il is known
that some time before he dispatched the
Armada he caused his ambassador in
| London 10 inquire why the home of his
! sister-in-law. Queen Elizabeth, should be
known as "Huytal." that being the Span
| ish spelling of the pronunciation.
Perhaps it was because once upon a
time it was the London headquarters of a
religious order known as the Black Friars.
They had acquired it by bequest in the
thirteenth century from Hubert de Burgh,
Earl Of Kent, who is on record as hav-
ing erected a mansion there, and in l24S
they sold It to the Archbishop of York.
and from that time forth until the reign
of King Henry VIII it was the metro
politan residence Of the ATchbishops of
York, the last of them TO occupy it being
Cardinal WOlsey.
Upon his disgraee the Bluebeard mon
arch eOnhgeated IT, and transferred
thither his abode from his old palace at
Westminster. which, situated on the site
OF what is now Palace Yard at West
minister, had fallen into ruin and decay.
From that time forth until the reign Of
King William and Queen Mary at the
close of the seventeenth century, the
rulers of England held their court ar
Whitehall. and within its precincts the
greater part of the history of the Tudor
and Stuart eras was enacted.
The Virgin Queen. although she died
at Richmond, was brought from thence to
Whitehall by water, on which occasion
Camden wrote his memorable panegyric
of her majesty. which commences as
follows:
The Queen was brought By water to Whitehall;
At every stroke the oars did tears let fail;
More clung about the barge; fish under water
Wept cut their eyes Of pearl, and blind after
James I developed a great fOndness for
the place, and made up his mind to re-
build II on a very magnificent scale, by
degrees, engaging the services of lingo
Jones for the purpose as architect. Ow-
ing 10 monetary troubles, and other OBJ
stacles and delays of one kind and an
other the only portion of lingo Jones'
designs that was put into execution. was
the construction of the beautiful ban
quoting house, which alone Of all the old
time palace remains in existence to this
day.
Charles I, at the beginning of his reign.
employed the services of the great paint
er, Rubens, who had been sent to Eng
The Washington herald., 1908-01-12

Society by degrees discovered that the
sovereign in his individual capacity had
very little 20 give. that coronets and
garters. bishoprics and embassies, lord
ships Of the treasury, nay. even charges
IN the royal stud and bedchamber, were
really bestowed not by the King. but by
his cabinet officers. Every ambitious
man saw that he would consult his In
The Washington herald., 1908-01-12

Charles I, at the beginning of his reign.
employed the services of the great paint
er, Rubens, who had been sent to Eng