Daily press. [volume] (Newport News, Va.) 1896-current, 1908-03-28
"A SUPPOSlTlONAL
CASE
MIR. Buddy seeke Advice on a
Point of Law.

upon crutche5, aud his face was COW
cred with COMMISSIONS, so that lie looked
rs IL lie had emerged from n terrific
{ conflict with an antagonist who had
won a complete victory. Placing his
Z crutches against the table and seating
himself very carefully in the chair.
Mr.. Buddy said:
Mr.. Slmms. | JUS dropped in to see
You to cit a little advice on point of
I law In which I'm interested. and I'd
be much obleeged If you'd tell me ex-
actly what my. rights in the matter
are. III put 1t In this way: S'posen
you were TO marry n wldder, under the
Idea that she was an angel-that she
was 80 sweet that barrel OF sugar
was nero bitterness alongside of her;
and s'posen after you were consoi-
dated with her you We're to find out
that she had temper like u she Wild
cnt. and an unconquerable custom of
banging you over the head with skill
, let's or most anything that came
handy, so that you didn't know what
minute she'd git her mad up and skeer
you pretty near to death.
Now, s'pose'n this wilder and you
was to disagree about little matter
of chewing terbacker in the house and
trying to spit in the stove, and she
was to up and tell yon-in your own
house, mind you-that If you KEEP aim
Ing ut that stove and missing II she'd
I warm yon up with broom handle or
the like; and You were to say that
F! you'd chew where you'd mind to. and
F, that while It was n free country you'd
hit the stove or miss It, JUS as you
pleased.
And s'poso'n one word brought on
another, until she got on terrific
rampage and come at you and tried to
snatch out your hair; while you
grabbed her by the wrists and held
her so she couldn't And then s'pose'n
while you We're rassling with her you
WAS to got the best OF IL SOS she
couldn't do anything but have the hys-
= terics and scream and you all the time
! afraid to let so lest she'd hustle you
out through the winder
Nov. spose'n that widder had n
dog which belonged to her first hus-
band, and would rather bite you than
not, and all of q sudden she was to
I hollar for that dog. and he was to
/ come bouncing into the room. and. see
Ing the widder's situation. was to take
hold of n mouthful of yonr right leg,
and shake II as though he was going
to bite II loose before he left; and the
wilder all the time sticking him on
and encouraging him to help himself
without any regard for your feelings.
' And pfnnrnfn Lat -
to tackle the dog she should bang you
with tho scrubbing-brush until you
looked's If you'd been ground up In n
! bark-mill, and then wouldn't call off
the dog until you hollered enough
"S'pose'n all this, what want to
know is, can't you sue that wilder for
assault and battery. and get an inIunc.
/ ton on that dog? That's what I came
to see you about. whether you've got
TO stand having your leg chewed and
your head smashed with scrubblng-
brush, or whether this great and free
governments going to protect It's de-
fenseless citizens. want to know how
1t IT,"
Mr.. Simms looked very solemn for a
! moment, as IL contemplating the prob
lem carefully. and then he said:
II don't really see that the law can
do anything In such case. Mr. Bud.
| dy If the man married the widow he
became part owner of the dog. and 1t
was, therefore. In fact his own dog
! that assaulted him. Besides that. as
! a man and his wife are one flesh, the
widow has a partnership interest in
the mans leg, and when she set the
/ dog upon II she was really encourage
| ing the animal to mutilate her own
| property. No action can lie against a
person who induces her own dog to
| bite her own leg, nor Will the law give
her redress II she batters her own
head with her own hands. for the wife
who strikes her husband really strikes
1 herself"
you don't mean to say" exclaimed
MIR. Buddy, in u blaze of Indignation,
that that Is the law of this land. OF
, this very country where our forefa-
Tiers bled for liberty You don't actu.
ally mean to tell me that red-headed
widder, with u liver-colored dog. can
actually make that dog gnaw mans
leg into sausage meat while she
trounces him with club. and that
he can't chuck her into Jail for 1t;
that he's got 10 stand up and take it?'
I'm afraid he has" said SImms, with
| a sad smile.
We'll, then" said Buddy, rising and
selling his crutches. that just lets
me out as far rs this idiotic land is
concerned. I'm going to quit If wild,
ders are to be allowed to carry on as
+, II men had no rights. I'll emigrate
and hunt up some country where en-
| llghtened civilization don't allow Mid.