The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1908-03-31
Mr. Shocks Learns
to Skate.
By mr. RUTHERFORD MoRRiS.

Help! Help!" shrieked Mr.. Shocks.
He clutched the rail fiercely, with both
hands, while first one foot and then
the other rolled from under him. Sc
| reny! Sereny!"
Mrs. Shocks was in the act of having
her skates adjusted. but without wait
Ing further, she fastened, with one
skate half on, rolling on one foot, and
hopping on the other, to the scene of
Mr.. Snooks distress. AS soon as he be-
held her at his side he burst forth
"Consarn it! Is this what you
brought me out here for--to break my
neck? s'pose you remembered the in
surance policy, and thought this a good
time to cash IL in, eh?"
oh, Josiah dear Don't talk like
that" replied his sweet natured wife.
please do not. | want you to learn
to skate, and have a real good time.
Now, stand perfectly still until l get
my skates on, and I'll held you
Stand still" he shouted How in
the devil can stand still with these
blasted rollers"
Once more his feet shot from under
him. Flat on his back he landed. How
ever, person falling at the skating
rink is no unusual sight, so he lay
unnoticed except by an instructor and
his faithful Serena
"Oh, ] hope he isn't hurt, sir" she
said to the gracious gentleman, trying
to assist poor Mr.. Shocks to his feet.
Il should never forgive myself If any
thing were to happen to him."
"Oh. you wouldn't, would your"
gasped her husband. Don't look like
1t, does it-nag a mans life out of him
till you get rollers screwed on him,
and then say you wouldn't have him
hurt for the world. Like as not, you
had the whole thing creased up for
my benefit Then tell a man to stand
still-why don't you get that other set
of rollers on, If you are goin' to show
me anything?"
Eyes, dear, will. Hold tight to the
railing, now; and don't move. I'll be
back in moment" and she hoped
and rolled together back to the attend
ant, having Mr.. Shocks looking long
ingly after her, afraid to move even his
eyes in another direction.
He watched her have the other skate
fastened on; then, rise from the chair
with all ease. and glide gracefully to-
ward him.
Now, dear, I'm ready. Let's get
on the inside of the rail. Give me your
right hand first; now the other, and
walk-don't try to glide. Come on.
now-don't be afraid Just pick up
your feet, one at a time, and"
Did you think I'd be fool enough to
try to get both up at once? You must
take me for a
Chink, chink, chink-e-ty chink He
had lost his balance again; but faith
full to his speech, he did not let both
feet go at once. First one, and then
the other went up and down, while he
clutched poor Mrs. Shocks ferociously
Both stood the test; they did not fall
Some one came TO the rescue, and with
much effort, both together landed him
safe inside the rail, which to Mr..
Shocks mind did not, in the least i'm
prove the situation.
and that's what you are expectin'
me to do. is it?" nodding sarcastically
toward the whirling throng. Blamed
If can ever do it! My brain is in
such a whirl now, don't know
whether I'm standin' on my head or
not-ding it, there goes that blamed
foot again! Hold me tight, Sereny;
hold me-"
Eve got you, darling don't be
afraid. I'll not let you get hurt. You
must hold my hand real tight; and
when | count three, glide out on your
right foot Now! one. two, three, glide.
oh, why didn't you do it?"
do what" snorted Mr.. Snooks.
How do l know what you want me to
| do. You must take me for a flyin'
Dutchman."
Come on, dear; let's try it again"
sweetly replied Mrs. Snooks when I
count three, then, with the fourth
count, slide out on your right foot"
Il thought you told me to glide-now
you say slide. How i'm the devil am
to know what II is you WANT"
20 well. IT is all the same, dear. Eth
eT one means to roll Ready! one. two
three. glide
We'll. when I glide, slide. or roll.
what are You goin to do?" grufiy de-
manded Mr.. Shocks.
why. I'm going to glide too"
you goin' with me then?"
Sure, Smoky. dear I'm going right
with you unless
Unless / fall. / s'pose Now, that's
bright prospect for a skatin' scholar.
| amt IT."
"Oh. dear!' answered Mrs. Shocks.
almost losing patience II wish you
would come on; the evening is half
gone, and we haven't made a start yet
J DO you understand what It is I want
/ you 20 do-want until I count three
and then you and both will glide out
on the right foot Do you under
stand?"
mo! I don't understand why you
/ don't start on the left foot. what do
you always say the right one for?
| Wei, gol darn it, come on I'll try &c.
| If IT. kills me"
one two three. glide!" and to Mrs.
| Snooks' utter establishment Mr. Shocks
actually started of His ponderous
body swayed lercely TO and fro. In his
| struggle for equilibrium. he let 90 his
wife's hand, and beat the air wildly. lie
II