New-York tribune., 1908-03-15
QUESTIONS ANSWERED.
Strain Upon Editor Who Is As-
signed to This Work.

Facing mountain Of letters from newspaper
readers and hedged by a wall composed Of
Bartlett's Familiar Quotations. concordances
O. Shakespeare and the Bible, three volumes OF
book prices, domestic and foreign Who's Who's"
anthologies of minor poets. compendiums of
classic lore the Almanach de tiotha indexes OF
newspapers, aliases, coin catalogues and al
manacs, sat the modern incarnation of Solomon.
the editor who answers correspondents ques-
lions
1t is true live under an awful strain" said
he pushing his double magnifying glasses over
buiging brows combing his long beard with the
fingers Of his right hand and with the other
hand signalling the office boy take away a
tushe! basket of letters "Sacre bleu. Donner-
Wetter, l am supposed to know more than any
alive Push the button into me and l
answer. I am polyglot linguist. have the
secrets Of state am mathematician, farmer
chiropodist doctor an artist, theologian.
Please ask me somethngi 1t makes me nervous
not to be asked questions. After twenty years
practice 1 have the habit Of answering. There
is no fool question that I can't tackle. Just ask
me why negroes are black. What for do Chi
cago women have big feet? because they
dont.) Why are you hungry when you want
to eat? Could water up hill If ii started
backward?
Say. Kansas farmer wrote to me that he
noticed flies perChing the pages Of book
that he reading and he asked, Can flies
read? l replied. They can't read, but they can
punCtuate letters Yes, that was a pretty fair
answer, l think How to be successful in life
worries some of my correspondents and they
expect to gain the secret for 2-cent stamp.
There women who won't risk a stamp in
advance when they ask for personal reply.
They say, If you will send answer 1 Will for
ward stamp I am touched by their beautiful
spirit of economy and suspicion. Although l
grandfather some women ask me to teach
them how to firt. They wish, least cor
respondence course in Irritation. How to be-
come beautiful is regulation query. which
fod inclined to answer by saying, Consult an
engineer and have your face changed but I
refrain.
When 1 asked What kind of a woman
attracts MANI l fain would reply Almost any
kind under eighty years of age But these are
serious questions and they must be answered
accordingly under the penalty of offending
subscriber. So I endeavor to make a bona
fde reply even when asked how to read the
minds of others and how to get power over
others, Thousands want TO get power over
others. I sometimes feel like recommending
these power seekers TO start a trust or invest
In slungshot get a job chauffeur. If you
knock a down and sit his chest you
have fair degree of power over him
'" My papa reads your paper Please, Mr..
Editor do this in arithmetic for me- writes
q bright lad who plays hockey instead of study
ing his lesson. Many school children expect
to work out their problems. a friend or distant
relative of the writer subscribes for the paper,
so the applicant thinks he is entitled to have
his questions answered 1t is a common thing
for woman getting up a club lecture 10 ask
the editor to supply all the facts and most of
the language She conceals her purpose, or
tries to- but the experienced editor knows.
There are people too lazy to look up a defn
ton in Webster; they expect to save time and
money by writing to me- Lately was asked
10 give history of all ancient peoples Bah
yionian Assyrian, ETC. which l could have
done in about twenty-five volumes, after spend
Ing the rest OF my life OF the job a man IN