davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-03-07
VIII Kidnap Ted

The story is that Hearst would take
Roosevelt into his confidence and offer
him the first place on the independence
League ticket. Even against the presi-
dents will, some say, Hearst intends to
have the league nominate him, II Taft
and Bryan are nominated by the other
two parties.-Riverside Daily Press.
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-03-07
An English Joke

1t is alleged that an English gentle
man once told of a great joke he played
on a friend. He was coming along the
street with some companions and he
discovered his friends house on fire,
with his friend in the third story win
dow shouting for help. Jump" he
cried. Jump Well old a blanket
for YOU what was the joker" the
nearer asked. why" the Englishman
replied, 1--WE 'ad no blanket at ALL
Humboldt Standard
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-03-07

1t will soon be possible to go by rail-
to Cuba across the Florida Keys, This
has set some OF the Cubans a thinking.
Can you CESS what they are thinking?
In California it ought to be easy.
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-03-07
Where They Get OFF

We are reminded that the time for
paying the state and city poll taxes
has arrived again. for at the Courier
office we have just finished printing
eighty receipt books for the county and
twenty for the city to be used in MAX
ing the necessary collections.--Oxnard
Courier
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-03-07
Simon Pure Purlsts

1t is computed that the English Ian
guage is spoken by s5o,oOo,G0O persons.
OF these Ambrose Bierce, John ID.
Long, Rrander Matthews and only one
other speak it correctly.
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-03-07
Vet Rucas Sounds Fierce

Not happy in falling to incite war
between Japan and the United States.
the yellows are now engaged in getting
up a rucas in Europe, with Russia,
Austria Hungary, Germany, England,
Italy, France and the unspeakable
Turk as pawns. Our neighbors and
friends may sleep OF nights. There
will be no war to disturb their dreams
for the next ten years at least
Orange County Plain Dealer
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-03-07
Expensive to the People

King Edward smokes cigars eight
inches In length, and they cost him DC
cents an inch. 1t is awfully expensive
to be a king.-Long Beach Daily Tele-
gram.
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-03-07
A Cold Gutter

The mayor of a Delaware city mas
resigned because he was expected 10
kiss the brides he married. He also
left a tack in his seat for his successor
by saying his reason for not wishing
to kiss brides was his fear of contract
ing some disease. This looks as II the
Delaware peach crop was really a fall
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-03-07
Did He Achieve This Name2

Missouri paragraphers are having
some fun with a Chinese laundryman
whose name they declare is Dam Ii"
This story sounds almost like one
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-03-07
The BUSY Stork

In steubenville. Ohio, Mrs. George
Campbell recently gave birth to fve
perfectly formed children. The camp
bells are not coming. They're here.
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-03-07

New York is now the greatest port
in the world. Therefore 1t should be the
best policed in the world. 1t is more
consistently American to send man
back to Europe because he believes in
destructive anarchism than it is to de-
port him because he is penniless.
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-03-07

Mrs. Beulah Hawkins has now slept
for thirty days at the county hospital.
Let us hope it is nothing worse than
beauty sleep.
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-03-07

Arbor day was we'll observed. One
of the speakers at a tree planting
said: Los Angeles ought to be the
most beautiful city on the continent"
1t surely ought tosbe and in many re-
spects it is, and if it won't continue
to hold the supremacy for beauty it
will be our own fault. After trees are
planted let us take good care of them.
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-03-07
Words of Warming

Young men keep off the streets
nights. IT not only does you no good.
but 1t harms you and in the end units
you to become useful men.--Ventura
Free Press.
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-03-07

seems to have founded cult which
persists even unto this day. tits indeed
a pity. But It can't be helped now,
Margaret.
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-03-07
Fresno Raisin Hades

The Fresno Republican heads a pro-
found but peppery editorial with a
single word He'll The purpose OF
the article, however. is not, as might
be supposed, to describe the early adj
vent of sultry spring in the Raisin
City, but merely to establish the fact
that there is still a lot of eighteenth
century orthodoxy" position which
no careful observer of twentieth CEN
tury theology will wish to controvert
seriously.-San Diego Union.
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-03-07

An American soldier says the Jap
anese tried to hire him for spy. How
little the Japanese know our American
soldiersl
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-03-07

Japan won't rest until she finds some
plausible excuse for annexing China.
And then yellow may become perilous.
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-03-07
Safety, Not Speed

On the eastern coast of Africa there
is a body of cavalrymen mounted on
oxen. Is this the cowboy brigade!
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-03-07

Experts say that the armor belt on
the warships is too low. In that case
let us hope that an enemy win always
hit below the belt.
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-03-07
Hens Not Cornered

The trusts are accused of having
curbed production. Yet we keep on
eating eggs with a clear conscience.
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-03-07
Good "Rizv for Divers

r. T. Crane thinks 1t would have
been a good thing If Andrew Carnegie
had thrown $24,000,00O into the sea.
What! With cash as scarce as 1t is?--
Elsinore Press.
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-03-07
Methuselah Was Wicked

Harriman's sixtieth birthday is merely
another Illustration of the truth that
the good die young.-San Bernardino
Sun.
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-03-07

snowplows busy in the middle west,
What shall the harvest be?
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-03-07
IT'S Also Difficult

at is hard to be hero at a. m,
said the duke of Wellington.
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-03-07
WithfTaft as Proxy

Tom Lawson predicts President
Roosevelt will be his own successor.
This is nothing new. "Teddy's" friends
have been aware of this fact for some
time.--San Fernando Daily Press.
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-03-07

Margaret Ashmun in New England
magazine POLITICALLY deplores the fact
that Barabbas was not killed. AS he
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-03-07
ECHOES OF STATE PRESS
aaIIade Of We Wise Guy

There was a man In our town
And he was wondrous wise,
He trained with the s. p. push.
And scratched out both his eyes.
And when he saw his eyes were out.
With all his might and main,
He Joined the Lincoln- Roosevelt league
And scratched them in again.
Santa Ana Evening Blade.
The Detroit times., 1908-01-06

turning a green lantern with the in
scription police station
Il demand that my master be i'm
mediately informed OF my arrest"
Jean cried Send word to Count Tan
nenburg at once and he will tell you
who | am"
There will be time enough for that
tomorrow, stern looking official
reared. Tn the meantime you will
have to stay here a prisoner until to-
morrow, as will also your pretty com
panion."
Where shall I put the prisoners,
inspector?y the policeman asked. "All
the cells are occupied"
Put them in the little room on the
left. 1t won't hurt them to spend the
night together, they will then have
a chance to tell each other, that II
anyone wants TO steal jewels it is
necessary to be smarter than they
were" In spite OF his furious protests
Jean was then locked up with Lima
In small room which contained no
other furniture but wooden bench.
Lima kept on crying all the time,
and swore that she was innocent, but
Jtdu utttI WOlu.
he perhaps allow himself to become n
victim OF woman's tears because he
had been. foolish enough to give in
to a woman's whim for once?
Slowly, terribly slowly the night
passed and Jean praised God when
he saw the first rays of the sun.
Another hour, two hours passed and
nobody. came to see about him or set
him free. He stood up and went TO
the door, pressed his ear against IL
and listened. Everything was quiet
outside. He tried the lock and to his
surprise found that the door was open.
He went into the hall and from there
into the front room. IL was absolute
ly empty, nowhere policeman to be
seen. Even the bar, the large desk.
the chairs. and the table had disap-
peared. Jean turned pale with terror
as he saw that the place was no po-
lice station at all. He had been taken
In by smart swindlers and the emer-
aids had now really been stolen.
AS fast as he could run he rushed
outside and made a Decline for his
masters house.
II was not much after FIVE when
he arrived, but what did Jean care
about the hour7 He rushed up the
stairs and knocked Mt his masters
door. After while voice was heard
The Detroit times., 1908-01-06
By 49,
George
Pohl
AFTER MIDNIGHT

miringly at the beautiful black eyes
and red lips of his companion. Lima
noticed this Immediately, and said:
"Oh! Mr.. Schroeder. my poor crippled
sister whom | have told YOU about so
often has no higher wish in this world
than. TO get look at these famous
emeralds. She lives right arrow his
corner and | would be very thankful
to you II you would come with me TO
her house, that | might show her the
jewels"
Jean hesitated. He found such a
proceeding most extraordinary con-
sidering the late hour.
1T will only take about 10 min.
utes." Lima insisted. "Oh, please say
yes, Mr.. Schroeder"
What should he do? Surely it was
the fault Of the night and the linden
trees that he felt something like hui
man emotion. He gave In and was
Just about To enter the house with
Lima when he suddenly felt a heavy
hand on his shoulder.
In the name OF the king" a deep
voice said, II arrest you both"
SCosA I'll hC1 4ulthlJ iCOh-
ed into the stern face OF a policeman
" no had an iron grip on his arm.
What do you mean?" Jean cried.
Il mean that | arrest you, Jean
Schroeder, and your companion, Lima
Moaler, for the theft OF costly jewels.
With these words he tore the bag
out OF Lina's hand. As If struck by
lightning Jean stood motionless.
Everything was suddenly clear To him.
1t had, of course. been Lina's plan to
entice him into house where her &C.
completes were waiting to get posses
sion Of the jewels and perhaps ready
To kill him. Her pale face seemed to
him an absolute proof Of her guilt
Come along" the policeman cried,
I'VE don't waste much time on such
people as you"
He hailed a passing cab and pushed
his prisoners inside. Shortly after
ards they stopped In front of a large
stone house. in front OF which was
The Detroit times., 1908-01-06

trusted as absolutely as did the old
countess her Lima.
Jean had been in the service of the
Tannenburgs ever since he was boy.
and had been a valet to Gerds father
before he came to the young count.
The relations between Count Gerd and
old Jean were therefore more like
father and son than employer and ser.
want.
When Lima had to carry the price
less jewels from the young counts
house TO the palace, II was, of course,
necessary for her to have an escort,
and nothing was then more natural
than that Jean was selected for this
duty. although to tell the truth he was
not very pleased with ii, for Jean was
woman hater and as Lima was an
unusually pretty girl the other SER
wants teased him about her and made
fun OF his nightly promenade with her.
Once more Countess Alice had Dor
rowed the emeralds and 1t was 2
% clock at night when she came back
from the hall. In the reception room
old Jean was sitting half asleep, and
la very bad humor at the thought OF
the necessary walk Now Lima came
down stairs carrying the well-known
leather bag containing the case with
the priceless emeralds. The young
countess maid chatted for few min
utes~with Lima at the top of the stairs.
but suddenly broke OF as her mistress
called her.
Bidding Lima goodnight she hurried
to the young countess apartments,
and Jean and Lima left the house.
with usual politeness he asked her:
MAY I carry the bag. Miss LinaT'
And Lima answered as she had al
ways done: II thank you very mnch
Mr.. Schroeder, but the countess wish-
es none to touch the bag"
The streets we're quite empty, the
weather pleasant, II was moonlight
and the air was filed with the frag-
rance OF the blooming linden trees.
The result was that Jean was less
strong In his hatred OF women, and
he really could not help looking adj
The Detroit times., 1908-01-06
A Stomach Brain

The solar plexus is the emotional
brain. says Prof Francois Guyot- An
emotion that attacks US is felt there
first Thus. II we feel anxiety 1t may
give US, IL severe, a positive stomach
ache. 1t may even be productive OF
nausea.
While the brain does the thinking.
Prof Guyot opines that Ii does not
feel The cerebrum. the major part OF
the brain, Is the intellectual. but not
the emotional center. The brain rep
resents the intelligence. Tae spinal
cord and the cerebellum, the latter the
little brain. not yet well understood,
and attached to the brain proper, gov
ern equilibrium and the muscles OF
the body But the emotions are locat-
ed in the sympathetic nervous system
ramifying through the body. Their
chief center Is the great plexus OF
nerves which lies against the back
bone and embraces the stomach.
This does not think, but 1t feels.
What IL does not feel Is not felt at
all. apart from pure intellectual cognl
ton, and its purely passive and sub
I jectfve sensations may often-he re
garded as warning Of danger or posi-
Bile mischief-Chicago News.
The Detroit times., 1908-01-06
Taft's Journey Foretold-

Shortly after Longfellow's "Hiawa-
ina was published. there appeared
from Cincinnati poem much resem-.
bling IL in many ways. says the Bos-
ton Transcript
The hero OF this Song of Miigen-
water"-which was translated from
the original Feejee by Marc Antony
Henderson. ID. G. L., professor OF the
Feejee language and literature in the
Brandywine Female academy" and
published In Cincinnati, 1856, as the
title page says--is not unlike the pres
ident in many respects. For example,
he had friend who was fat man
ana not an ordinary fat man, either
Even as Hiawatha gave his heart to
Kwasind, so Milgenwater-
Loved the very fat man Bee-del--
He the latest human being
That you ever laid your eyes on.
1t is. perhaps, not inappropriate TO
recall Bee-dels feat at this time when
the prophecy made in 1856 has just
been fulfilled by the circumnavigation
of the globe by Secretary Taft
he waddled from the corner.
From the wigWam slowly waddted.
Went and stood upon the hillside,
Slowly sat down. slowly lay down,
Doubled up and started rolling;
Rolled right onward. forward, down.
ward.
Down the green and slipping hillside.
Down the hillside kept a-rollins.
Nothing more was heard OF Bee-del
For six months and something over;
But one morning
there came Bee-deL
Came the fat man. rolling, rumbling.
Came a-rolling toward the wigwam,
Came and rolled in through the baek
door,
Rolled right up into the corner.
And remained, rolled up. In silence
He had been for six months rolling.
Six months and a little over
Rolling OH from morn till evening.
And from season unto season,
Through all countries, nations, CHM
ates,
Past the zones and past the tropics.
Past the line of the equator,
Till he got 10 where he came from.
Till he all the earth had rolled round
The Detroit times., 1908-01-06
zkNANIAs, DYsPEPTIc


1 LYNX IL often the result OF fndigcs-
t1on. British Medical Journal
when your angel -faced kid says the
cat swiped the jam.
Though his meath II all purple and
Don't spank him for nbs. but doctor his
For the pain he must have in his
tummy-
when the trust witness swears he for
HfI gets his afrAirs.
No matter how closely they question
pon't blame the poor man. he's as true
with ! csss Of acute indigestion
4hen you're stuck with lot In some
< advertiDed spot
y That ooems TO have grown cntaleptic
50n'l cherish hard feeling because OF
the Dealing
q. 1he agent perhaps. WAS dyspeptic-
when your gas meter runs into thou
sands OF feet.
TjIi you cuss like terrible sinner,
,on't call Il q liar until you inquire
q n X had . digestible dinner
|1n0ssd. you WIN ma that the most OF
h Ap1 '' Toman' Of course. without auss.
<e'd BITTERLY 81; !, .,.: Es,svs at the him
n mt yet~-they've acute indigestion.
The Detroit times., 1908-01-06
| The Times
| Evening
| Story

~1OUNT GERD HANNENBURG
has married very rich
II American girl. Young Coun-
tess Alice ought to have been
perfectly happy since she had
row won what she had always sighed
for, like most OF her republican coun
trywomen- A gold coronet paid with
her good American dollars, and this
coronet was to be seen everywhere. on
her linen, her handkerchiefs, her let
ter paper, her silver and her car
riages. Besides she was very beauu-
full and really loved her husband.
But, alas. also in her paradise there
was a serpent, and unfulflled wish to
get possession OF the Tannenburs
family emeralds-
Old Countess Julia, the mother OF
her husband, was still living. She re
sided at Koenigsplatz in the ancient
palace OF the family, while the young
couple had to be satisfied with q
mansion on the west shore.
Although the old lady did not go
out In society and had interest only
for charity, she chung to the family
emeralds. which had once belonged
to royal queen, with a surprising
tenacity.
With all her money it was not pos
sible for the young countess to buy a
similar necklace, and this was the one
sorrow of her life.
Count Gerd had in vain tried to
induce his mother TO turn over the
Jewels TO her daughter-in-iaw, and he
felt quite satisfied when at last he
arrived at compromise. Countess
Alice was to be permitted TO wear
the emeralds at social affairs OF Inn
portance. Every time 1t was neces-
sary for the young countess to appear
ia fun splendor. Lima. the chamber
maid of the old countess, brought the
Jewels to Countess Alice and called
for them again when the affair was
over. no matter how late at night II
might be. II was about fifteen min
utes' walk from the palace to the man
sion.
Count Gerd had valet whom he
The Detroit times., 1908-01-06

er tells US that taking OF the hat Is a
relic Of the ancient custom OF taking
on the helmet when no danger is nigh,
"a man takes on his hat to show that
he dares to stand unarmed in your
presence The naval salute of dis.
charging guns originally implied that
as no danger existed no guns would be
required. and the military fashion OF
presenting arms is said To be tanta-
mount to offering TO give them up. The
fox that is surprised by pheasant
shooters may not make his retreat less
expeditiously because the shooters doff
their hats to him, but this Is how the
custom arose.--Manchester Guardian.
The Detroit times., 1908-01-06

>ScSSSSSSSccScS cccSSSSccS
from the inside: What the devil Is
the matter here?"
II beg your pardon count, but would
you please come outside moment.
1t is absolutely necessary that see
you"
A few minutes later the young
count appeared and angrily asked
what caused Jean to wake him up
at this ungodly hour.
Trembling all over Jean told what
had happened. and he was surprised
to see that his masters face bright
ened more and more. At last. when
everything had been told. when Jean
with tears had assured him that he
was innocent. and that the emeralds
were hopelessly gone the young count
burst out laughing.
For Gods sake!" Jean thought
'eThe loss has made him insane
But the count laughed more and
more until he at last fell down ON
chair cutie exhausted.
"That is the most amusing story
I'VE heard for long time," he roared.
Count Gerd," Jean stammered. Il
am afraid. fear that your mother.
Countess Julia, will not look at the
matter in that light"
"On the contrary" the count re-
piled, "she will even be more pleased
than am"
How don't understand"
well my dear Jean the thieves
have only carried OF the bag with the
empty case. Last night my wifes
maid took the bag with the case.
thinking that the Jewels had already
been put back sin their place. When
my wife discovered this she called
the maid that she might give the
lemeralds to Lima. but then you had al
ready gone. and thus the jewels have
remained over night here.
Jean has long ago apolDgized TO
Lima because he suspected her with
out cause But what happened to him
that night has made him a more con-
frmed woman-hater than ever.
The Detroit times., 1908-01-06
For the "RituaI Murderer"

DR.. Frederick Elbogen has prepared
a petition to the emperor Of Austria
asking for the pardon OF Leopold His
ner. who was convicted OF ritual muf
der" and is now serving a life sen
tenee. The trial of Hilsner, he says,
fills the most gloomy page In the his
tory of Austria. A poor man who never
committed wrong was selected as q
sacrifice to superstition and party
speculation. '1nSvain have the masters
OF the law endeavored to arouse the
slumbering sense OF justice-the men
who spread the ritual murder folly
appear to be more mighty than the
fcritics. There seems to be no way
to approach the case by legal form
and for that reason the appeal Is
being made TO the throne direct" The
petition Is being circulated for sigma
ture. and VIII be monster document
when 1t Is finally sent to the emperor
The Detroit times., 1908-01-06

~ cuskom Of taking on the hat by
= nolutation to fox when you
y hunting him. az the kaiser did
Icr cay. Is probably merely a
Ion % m act OF courtesy ex.
|u116 Do(veen men in more warlike
NJ t1on these. The Invaluable Brew