davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-04-21
GLOBE SIGHTS.
rFrom the Atchison Globe.

IFrom the Atchison Globe.1
When man tries not to smoke, he
doesn't do anything else.
When a man dies, his widow is al
ways expected to kiss the women who
come to see her.
go to heaven? The angels are all wo-
men.
Where are all the men who intend
ed to get rich from patent rights next
year?
Some people get reputation for be-
ing patient because they are too lazy
to kick.
After man has loafed four or five
years, he concludes he is entitled to
an office.
Some people imagine the world
stands still until it has heard their
side of the story.
If a man loses anything, the rest of
the family has to join in the search
or be abused by him.
The devil has one habit we wish
other disagreeable people would imi-
tate: No one ever sees him.
When there is a death in the house
there is always a great search for the
family Bible to be used at the fun
eral-
1t is unfortunate that people do not
have the same faculty for getting out
OIL Trouble lHdt tHey nave Oh getting
out of work.
1t sounds pretty in a report OF a
social affair to say that the house was
Illuminated with candles, but it mean
lot of grease.
When Opportunity calls for a girl
these days, it has to wait until she
gets all her false hair on, and often
goes away without her.
| Find the cause Of each wrinkle on
mans face, and you will find it was
put there by worrying over something
| that worrying could not help.
| After an affecting scene at a play
| the men all blow their noses vigor-
ously, and the women pat their eyes.
A mans way Of crying Is to blow his
nose
| Men neglect little things every day
| that cause them worry at night. 1t
| is a bad custom, but we don't sup
pose there is any use saying anything.
| When trouble comes to a family:
the wife does the cheering up. The
| average man, when he sees q cloud
! in the sky, hasn't enough ambition
and fight left to open an umbrella.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-04-21
DOWN WITH WOODEN INDIANS.

Another bid for fame because of a
demand for a new reform is made by
the state of Oklahoma. A bill pre-
sented to the legislature by one of it's
members, said to be Cherokee,
seeks to prohibit the display of the
cigar store Indian. The sponsor of
this most sapient measure assumes
the wooden Indian of commerce
brings into ridicule the real Indian
of the Verdigris valley and so should
be prohibited. The prediction is made
that this bill will pass by an over
whelming majority because no Okla
homa politician can afford to ignore
the Indian vote, or rather the in
fluence of the Indians.
1t has long been accepted as a fact
that an Indian has not a fine sense of
humor- Since the discovery by Col
unnbus ana the invasion by DeSoto,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-04-21
MUNICIPAL IRREGULARITIES.

It is a notorious fact that whatever
else may be said of Chicago women's
deficiencies below the ankle, scarcity
Of material is not one of them. This
is a matter Of what the courts call
common knowledge. Spurred on ap-
parently by the notion that there is
something disgraceful in unusual am
plitude of these regions, a Chicagoan
recently took 1t upon himself to ques-
ton the truth Of this popular belief.
and cited the cases of a number of
Chicago women with small and per
feet feet
AS to their perfection no one will
venture to gainsay him, but the claim
Of diminutiveness is so entirely at vari-
ance with all history and tradition that
unless actual figures are available the
public may be excused for skepticism.
1t cannot. Of course. be doubted that
women with small feet do occasionally
sojourn for short periods in the 1lli-
nois metropolis, but that any of the
native born residents are so entirely
out Of adjustment with their environ
ment can hardly be beieved-unless
one is willing to doubt the reality of
evolution and the inheritance of ac-
quired character. Many years Of trav-
ell through muddy streets have gradu-
ally enlarged the Chicago foot, SO that
now it treads on the surface of the pre-
vailing mire instead Of sinking into
it.
OF interest in this connection as il
Illustrating the more sensible attitude
of the Boston mind toward that city's
supposed deficiencies Is q recent dis
cussion by the Boston Herald Of crook
ed streets. The hopelessness of trying
to convince the country that the Hub
Of the Universe is laid out like chess
board was apparent to this patriotic
native, so he boldly declares that Of
course the streets are crooked and tor
tuous-Iike the cowpaths from which
they originated-and the Bostonians
should be proud of the quaint pic
turesqueness" which the middle pro-
duces. The visitor. he says, becomes
lost in rapture, as well as In person,
while striving to locate some historic
relic, because of the artistic disorder
and entire lack of system amidst which
he finds himself.
Indeed. this ingenious native finds a
pretty symbolism in the tangle These
intricacies of path and road, strange
to say, symbolic far better the woven,
interpenetrated, complex life OF today
than they do the life of the time when
they were first marked out" How much
more intellectual is this philosophic
treatment of a b1emish than that of
the defender of Chicago women's feet?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-04-21
WHY RAISE THE MAINE?

3 The question of whether this govern
ment shall send some more tens of
thousand of dollars after the hundreds
of thousands that sank in Havana
harbor in the attempt to raise the
wreck of the sunken Maine Is again
agitating congress, That attempt does
not receive the warm support of news
papers in general, but the New York
Sun urges that the money be appro-
priated and the effort made as means
of settling once for all the question
whether the vessel was destroyed by
an explosion from without or an acct
dent from within. The presumption
is that the raising Of the vessel would
conclusively show whether emissaries
of Spain blew the vessel up or whether
the tragedy was only an accident.
Why raise the Maine? The question
is asked rather as suggestive that there
be a clear understanding of the pur-
pose Of the action. if it is to be taken.
than out Of doubt as to its propriety.
Is it really to be expected that the
raising will definitely settle the ques-
ton whether a plot of Spain or care
lessness on board caused the catas-
trophe? Over ten years has the hull
rusted beneath the waters of Havana
harbor, and to trust that the raising
would certainly reveal anything is to
trust too much.
But suppose it did settle the Ques-
ton, and show conclusively that the
explosion was from without. what
then? That would be no proof that
the plot was of Spanish origin. It
might as we'll show what some have
suspected, that some shrewd Cuban
patriot thought to hurry on the tardy
assistance of the United States to the
Cuban cause by producing a world
sensation. Or supposing it showed
that the explosion was from within,
thus relieving both Spain and Cuba
from all suspicion. what then? Would
it follow that the war which we fought
for the freedom of Cuba, that the
taking of Porto Rico and the Philip
pines, were all wrong? Should the
deeds done then be undone? Even
Spain would hardly have it SO. and GER
tainly the islands involved would not.
1t may be thought rroner to expend
some money for the raising of this
| wreck, if good engineers shall decide
the effort to be likely of success. But
| the motive should be the desire to
clear the harbor of an obstruction, to
| wipe away an unpleasant memory.
rather than hope to clear up a mys-
|
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-04-21
LUCKY, BUT DOESN'T KNoW "a.

The man without a dollar
Is quite a lucky chap.
No one can come to borrow
II he has none on tap;
No one can ship him presents
And make his pay the freight;
NOT can one sell him gold bricks
Though at a bargain rate.
No one can make him donate
Good money to q cause
Or tap him with a story
That thinner Is than gauxe
IT in the gilded bar room
He meets with two or three,
He gets his without saying,
Come, boys, have one on me"
He doesn't pay the taxes
That homesteaders crush:
He doesn't pay the landlord
Or make the coal man flush.
The months first day approaching
For him no terrorS wear,
Because there are no charges
On water. light. and air.
Perhaps sometimes he covets
The mighty millionaire
And wishes that the money
And troubles he might share.
He little knows the pleasures
(TO him they are too near)
That come from being busted
Throughout the livelong year.
Nashville American.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-04-21
HU1A0R or THE DAY

Eyes. she started in life as . poor shop
"And nowr'
Post.
Beer Rss only saf g glay poke for fun"
out little betting. "-Louisvifle Courier
Journal.
Ever seen congress in session.
No." replied Farmer Coboss, but I
know about how It looks. hev q hired
man who kin GIT as busy dein nuthin. as
atory last niEht?'
About what time was itr'-London
Oainion.
Tommy Figg@Sister's beau kicked my
dog dog yesterday. but I got even with him.
Johnny Briggs-How?
Tommy Figg-I mixed quinine with her
race powder.-Indianapoli Journal
DO you really like me, Charley?'
sure Don't come to see you regular
But men often call on a girl for whom
Not with Christmas looming up
Never marry man to reform him.
IL
another thing
What is it, my child?'
IN never reform man for some other
girl to marry."-St. Paul Pioneer Press.
Little Winie-Say. pa, what is a football
coach?
Pa-I must be another name for an am
bulance, my son.-Chicago News
rs bridge still popular, Mrs. Gambler
1T is with me. play every evening""
For stakes?"
For high stakes"
1T must be an expensive pleasure"
NO, one evening win ana the next
Why don't you play every other even
inR?'-Truth.
The toi1er in the city had been given adj
vance in salary. NOW" he said. jubi-
lantly, II can begin saving to buy a
farm
Out in the Washington the agriculturist
looked at the check received for his sea-
sons wheat. Another such crop or two
and can move into the city," he unused.
Philadelphia Ledger.
Some men are devoted to their profess
sions l know an artist who is welded to
his brush"
And I know a newspaper man who
married his observation-disclosures City
Journal.
"A lady whose hair is falling out writes
to ask what to do with it, asked the
snake editor
TELL her to throw it away" replied the
sporting editor.-Louisville Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-04-21
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.
IFrom the Philadelphia Record. ]

O.l
Hard pressed for money-Bricks.
Would you refer to a fortune made
in soothing syrup as hush money?
Lots of things are too good to keep,
but that isn't the reason we can't keep
cooks.
Hoax-"A frock coat il proper for a
wedding, isn't it," Joax-"Yes. and a
cutaway for q divorce"
"Rich things never did agree with
me, anyhow" remarked the philoso-
pher when the heiress turned him
down.
She-"You are the last man in the
world would marry" He-''Well, I
don't want you to marry any after
me-"
In Oriental countries a girl seldom
see her husband until she marrieo
him; in this country she seldom sees
him afterward.
who is that man bowling to you Pc
asked the Philadelphia woman. HE
Is my husband once removed" replied
the DIVORCE from Chicago.
Blobbs-"Doolittle has done nothing
all his life but kill time" Slobbs-
Yes. should think he would Be
ashamea to soeA . aaouk IN tAo 1Aoo.S
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-04-21

No wonder tunes haunt some folks
after the way they have murdered
them.
X
Brevity may not always be the soul
OF wit but in any event it is ever COM
mendable
A gun is not necessary to shoot craps
with for the dice themselves are gen.
orally loaded.
X
AS the hour Of midnight draws nigh
a girl would often like a chance to find
out if absence makes the heart grow
fonder.
\ y +
The average fellow would stand q
better show by proposing over q tele-
phone because the girl might not know
who he was
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-04-21
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
[From the New York Press.1

lFrom the New York Press.J
The only man who can keep a prom
Use is the man who never has to make
one.
A man thinks he's a good husband
when he doesn't blame his wife be-
cause his shoes hurt him.
It takes an awful lot of brains to
need to care whether people think you
have them or not.
When man likes to live on a farm
it's sign he thinks he can get votes
that way for some office.
You can generally tell how little
coin there Is IN g mans pocket by how
loud he tries to make 1t Jingle.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-04-21

Everybody ought to get right behind
mr.. Baton. the chief Of police, and
help him in every possible way to en-
force the ordinance which limits the
speed of automobiles on the city streets
TO eight miles an hour. There is alto
gether too much reckless motor driving
In the town and a stop should be put
to it before some disastrous accident
happens. 1t is a remarkable fact, how
ever. that there has never been a SER
ious automobile accident in Topeka.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-04-21

England's invitation to the battleship
feet to visit one Of her home ports had
to be declined with thanks by Presi-
dent Roosevelt. If the feet wer to visit
all the countries that would like the
pleasure of extending courtesies it
would not get home for a few years.
And it must hurry on it's way for it
must reach the Atlantic shore in time
to be reviewed by Mr.. Roosevelt before
he retires from office.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-04-21

Mr.. Hayes, q member Of the house of
representatives from California, is GER
tain that Japan will have to be licked
soon by somebody and he fears the I'M
pleasant task will fall to the United
states. Mr.. Hayes does not state where
ne got his information to this end. He
tSiuks Japan u working night and day
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-04-21

It is stated positively by the Chi
cago Inter-Ocean that after President
Roosevelt devotes year to tour of
the world upon the completion OF
hts term as president he will become
the head Of the great national univer-
stty at Washington which will be en-
dowed by Andrew Carnegie to the ex-
tent of $4,000, 900.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-04-21

in preparing for a war with this coun-
try and he thinks we ought to get
ready, too. Mr.. Hayes evidently for
gets that Japan's finances are in such
a deplorable shape that she could not
go to war with anybody and there is
not the slightest reason on the face of
the earth why she should want to fight
the United States
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-04-21

Some Of the experts in things politi-
cal who make their headquarters at
Washington have gained the idea that
Governor Johnson of Minnesota is
looming up with wonderful strength
as a candidate for the Democratic pres
idential nomination and that he has a
chance to beat out Mr.. Bryan. OF
course he has chance but it's a
mighty slim one.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-04-21

In reality. says the Chicago Inter-
Ocean, only three persons are inter
ested In the Easter hattie person
who sells 1t, the person who wears it,
and. lastly. the person who pays for
it. How about the fellow who has to
sit behind It?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-04-21

Announcement is made by the steel
trust that the present price Of foundry
iron will not be changed. This would
have been better news If it had told
of reduction in the price Still
everybody ought to be thankful that
It was not raised
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-04-21

Another idol has been shattered. 1t
has developed that the water in many
of the mineral springs that have
made Saratoga famous have been
'doctored" or fixed" for years by
artificial methods.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-04-21

OF all of the intolerable sects in
the world the "Dreamers." who have
colony in Manitoba seem to be the
worst. The slogan of their religion is
death to non-belfevers
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-04-21

Meat may now be styled as a real
luxury. If the prices of it keep on
soaring it will be one of those luxu-
r4es that only the unusually wealthy
win be able to enjoy.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-04-21

"a wisconsin bank cashier embezzIed
$4,000 for the purpose of trying to cor
ner nmburger cheese. His sanity ought
to be inquired into. For surely no man
can be in his right mind who would at
tempt to get into his possession all
of the available limburger cheese. A
little of this is more than enough for
any fndiyidual
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-04-21

All hail and honor to Prince Con-
stantfne Paleologue of one of the royal
families Of Greece. He is In New York
looking for a chance to earn an honest
living and not for an heiress who would
like to swap a pot of gold for title.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-04-21

Manchuria would like to enlist the
services Of some American capital for
the development of it's resources But
there is plenty of opportunity right
at home here for all the capital that
is lying around loose.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-04-21
China,s Cruel Execution.

standing in the tub" is a terrible form
Of punishment practiced in China. This
consists of a huge vatlike tub. with a
hole In the lid. through which the cul-
the vat is thick layer of unslacked lime
and seven bricks piled upon each other
AS the mans hands are tied behind his
back, he can do absolutely nothing to
ease himself In any way. He stands in
agony in this position all the day. He
continues it through the lonely night.
The second day one of the bricks is re-
moved from under his feet. A small
quantity. OF water is at the same time
poured into the lime, which begons to
work and send up its noxious fumes to
his face. This Is repeated each day until
the last brick has been taken away and
his feet are in the quicklime, which burns
the flesh more savagely and with a fiercer
pain than ordinary fire could do. With
strangulation at the neck and the ter
rfble burning of the lower parts OF his
body the man dies In e1orucfAting ago
nie6.-NeW York Tribune
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-04-21

Once in a great while something
appropriate is done. An extraordi-
nary monkey with one of the circuses
has been named "Mr. Darwin" and
he is said to carry 1t with great
dignity
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-04-21

The issue of the Lawrence Journal
Tor April 25 will be awaited with
great interest. 1t is to be edited by
the members of the class of Journal
ism at the state university.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-04-21
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

!. The State Journal is a member of the
associated Press and receives the full day
telegraph report of that great news or
.@anization for the exclusive afternoon
publication in Topeka.
The news is received IN The State Jour.
nal building over wires for this sole pur-
pose
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-04-21
FROE OTHER PENS
AN INLAND SEAPORT.

Montreal is 1000 mYYes from the
ocean about the same distance as st.
Louis from deep water at New Or
leans A 30-foot channel has been
dredged from Montreal to the sea and
is open to shipping as rong as the st.
Lawrence river is free from Ice. The
tide does not reach Montreal and its
docks, with a frontage of 80 miles,
are in still water. Originally the
depth of water between Montreal and
Quebec was 10 feet. 1t has been
dredged to 80 feet and nine power
full dredge boats were at work last
summer to secure permanent depth
of "a feet. In the last 10 years the
tonnage of large ocean vessels at
Montreal has more than doubled.
Twenty-seven per cent of the COM
merce of Canada is transacted at
Montreal, which is also the terminus
of the Canadian system OF canals,
meets with the lakes and gives ships
access to the head of Lake Superior.
Thus Canada already possesses a
deepened lake channel to an inland
seaport. and from thence the St
Lawrence river has been improved so
that q channel Of 80 feet now exists,
and is undergoing deepening to "a
feet. Ice closes the great artery of
traffic five months in the year, but,
nevertheless, the Canadians, number
ing less than 100000, have reached
this achievement by a striking policy
of liberal enterprise. Their canals
and improved rivers have cost $780,
more than the interest on this
amount. They are, in fact, regarded
as invaluable.-St Louis G1obe-Demo-
crat.
WEEDS
forests to exc out the necessary sup
ply of wood pulp we may possibly find
a near-to-hand substance in some
weed now
east as rubbish to the void.
According to analyses OF eighteen
samples of the more common weeds.
made at the instance Of the depart
ment of agriculture, 1t has been de-
veloped that many or them withdraw
large amounts of nitrogen from the
soil. The large amount of protein in
noticeable in purslane, lamb s.
quarters or pigweed, and cheese weed
or mallow. 1t Is stated that there is
more protein in the dry matter of
these weeds that in either alfalfa or
clover. and it is suggested that it is
advisable to keep a Few sheep on
every farm for utilizing and con-
trolling the weed crop in order that
under such a system the land may be
reclaimed and the wees utilized for
both forage and green manure.
The farmer who knows his weeds
may gather advantage and save
money by reason OF his knowledge. II
is suggested by the experiments of the
department ''that judicious selection
and simple methods or improving
forage crops with reference to protein
content the feed bills now made up sc
Ia Of frar
| centrated feeds to supply the deficien-
cies OF farm weeds in protein may be
greatly Observation-Disclosures REQ
| ord.
Carson City daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1907-1930, 1908-08-31

Livingston delivers at your doc
the finest liquors on the market.
Carson City daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1907-1930, 1908-08-31
REGISTRATION NOTICE

Notice is hereby given that the
Registry Books for the General Elec-
tior to be held on the first Tuesday
after the first Monday N November
1905, viz: November 3. 1905, are now
open at the office of the Registry
Agent for Carson PrecincG. Ormsby
county; State of Nevada, at the Office
of the said Registry Agen. at Carson
City, and will remain open daily on
all legal days from 10 o'clock a. m.
to o'clock p. m. from the LIST day OF
August. 1908, up to the 10th day OF
October, 1908, and for ter days pre-
ceding the day set for the closing
of the books they shall be open at
the office of the Registry Agent be-
tween the hours of o'clock and 8
o'clock p. m. in addition to the hours
heretofore mentioned. The books will