Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1908-12-03

L.ahdiady-lou will either have to
pay what you owe or leave. SIowpay
Thanks. The last place l was at
they made me do bOth.-Stray Stor-
les
Mrs. Gallamer-Isn't Mr.. Grabben-
stacker ladies' tailor? Mrs. Plum
meram-Not exclusively. Mrs. Run
dam is one of his customers.-Rrooklyn
Life.
Pat-I hear yer wolfe is sick Molke?
Mike-She is thot. Pat-Is it danger
Gus she is? Mike-Divil a bit. She's
too weak TO be dangerous any more -
New York Sun.
Mr.. Howard-Tsn't it wonderful
what force Niagara has? Mrs. Talk
much-Marvelous Do you know,
when l first saw 1t for a full moment
! couldn't speak Brooklyn Life
Jasper-Whenever a great man dies,
Longhair writes poem about him.
Rasper-Well, 1 must commend his
consideration in not writing IT before
the great man dies.-Boston Globe.
Howell-Rowell thinks he is the
whole thing. Powell-Yes. if he leans
against post for a few minutes he
has the idea that the post couldn't
stand without him.-Lippincott's Mag
azine.
Where do you work, my good man?"
"In powder factory Mercy.
What a hazardous occupation" Oh,
no, mum. l seldom meets any auto
mobiles on my way to or from work"
Puck
II say, do you think that Virgins
is a man to be trusted?" Trusted?
Yes; rather. Why, I'd trust him With
my life I" Yes; but with anything Of
value. mean Philadelphia In
quirer.
"And do you have to be called in
the lhorning?" asked the lady who was
about to engage a new girl. 81 don't
have to be, num- replied the appli-
cant. unless you happens to want
me Boston Globe
Mayme--I hate these affectionate
On i<uNiC W ny dl"d JS tloA5ub
you were one of them. Mayme-Wel,,
anyway, l don't want Jane Jones to
kiss me after she's been eating onions.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Lady (after rendering a shilling for
fare) And here are two buns YOU
may have, my man. Cabby-Thank
you kindly, lady. I suppose you don't
'appen to ave a wisp of 'ay for the
'orse?-Cassell's Saturday Journal
The Angry Mother-You've got IN
awful nerve to ask me to give you back
your ball when you nearly killed one
of my children with it. The Boy
Well, .maam, you've got ten children
and we've got only one ball.-ChicagO
Tribune.
Her Daughters Beau-I-er-er-
want to ask you, sir, for your-er-er
daughters hand sir. Her Father
I'm not disposing of her in sections,
but I'm willing to listen to any propo-
sition involving all of her, sir.-Cleve-
land News.
Hub-But If you like the young fell
low, Kate, why do you object to our
daughter marrying him? Wife-Oh.
she'll marry him for all that; but |
want to give her q chance to say, when
they quarrel, that Mother didn't want
me to marry you, anyway. boston
Transcript.
"a public official must be unfincn-
ing about laying down the law
yes" answered Senator Sorghum,
zone of the great difficulties is that an
official occasionally gets confused. IN
stead of laying down the law he starts
in throwing down the law."-Wash-
ingtOn Star.
"Say, Bill" said the burglar to his
pal, this paper says we overlooked a
package Of bills amounting to $1,000"
Amt the depravity of the rich some
thing awful?" replied Bill. Trying
to deceive that way. l seen them bills.
They wasn't ever receipted. "-Phila-
delphia Ledger.
what would you do" the bride
groom whispered hOarsely, 'if, by some
terrible accident, l should be drown
edw In the mild moonlight he saw
his young wife pale and shudder. ooh,
don't, Tom" she cried. How can
you? You know | don't look well in
black ."-Chicago Inter Ocean.
''Ah," said the candidate this is
Farmer Whiffietree's place, | believe.
And you have just celebrated your gold.
en- wedding, / understand" Golden
wedding nuthin'," was the response.
"I've just been sued for $4,000 with
of breach IF promise. You've got your
card index mixed. Washington Her
aid.
1--WE walked many miles to see you
SIR" because people told me you was
very kind to poor chaps like me-" "In.
deed?" said the genial white-haired
same way?" Yes, sir" All Well,
Just contradict that rumor as you 90,
will you? Good morning "-Milwarr
kee News.
81 tell you" went on the old lady at
a hotel, getting quite angry. II won't
have this room. / amt going to pay
MY money for pigsty, and. as far as
sleeping in one of them folding beds,
| simply won't do it." The boy could
stand it no longer. eco on in, num-"
said he, with a weary expression on
his face. This amt your room; it's
the eleva or."-Philadelphia Inquirer.
His Start.
Two young college men were spending
their summer vacation in The testing.