davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
Trivia, Cause of a Bloody War.

In the year 1854 Polish nobleman
became obnoxious to the laws of his
country by reason Of his having COM
mitted O crime. He fed to Sweden.
whereupon John Casimir, king Of Po-
land, wrote to Charles Gustayus, king
Of Sweden, demanding the surrender Of
the criminal. The king Of Sweden on
reading the dispatch noticed that his
own name and titles were followed by
two let ceteras," while the name Of
the king of Poland was followed by
three. The missing "et cetera" so en-
ragged the king Of Sweden that be at
once declared war against Poiand.
The war was carried o. with great bit
terness until 1850, when peace was
signed at Olivia, near Danzig. 4 con-
temporary writer (Kochowsky) poured
out his lamentations on the war In
these terms: How dear has this 'et
cetera' been to US! With how many
lives have these two potentates paid
for these missing eight letters! With
what streams Of blood has the failure
Of a few drops Of ink been avenged"
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
Tho Proper Adjective.

At the close Of a revival service IN
Philadelphia the minister Of the church
went down the aisle, according to his
custom, to greet the strangers IN the
congregation. II don't think you are
q member Of our church" said he to
one as he warmly shook his hand.
mo, sir" replied the stranger. wen,
YOU will not think me unduly curic"s II
I ask to what denomination You be
long?' asked the minister. Il sup
pose," responded the other, I'm reahy
what you might call a>submerged Presc
byterian." ''A submerged Presbyte-
rian?" exclaimed the minister. =
should be glad II you would explain.
"Well, I was brought up a Presbyte-
rian. my wife is a Methodist my eldest
daughter IS Baptist my son IS the Or
aanist at a Unitarian church, my Sec
ond daughter sings in an Episcopal
choir, and my youngest goes to Con-
cregational Sunday school," But
said the minister, aghast, you con.
tribute doubtless to some church: !:
"Yes; contribute to all Of them" was
the answer. "Thats what submerges
me-"
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
The Don't Worry Theory.


The usual advice given to the wor-
rier is, Don't worry" This advice is
foolish because impractical. No one
can stop thinking one type Of thought
except by substituting for it another.
Besides, it is dangerous advice, for,
even surposing one could mechanical
IL put IN end to a worrying state OF
mind, he would simply be like an en-
sineer who should plant himself on the
afety valve Of his engine. The energy
expended in worry, turned inward on
itself, would tear the mental mechan-
ism to pieces. No! What the wor-
ried man or woman needs evidently
IS to be taught how to find health
full outlet for his or her nervous power
thus going to waste. IF we say Don't
worry," let US also be careful to add.
But work." and let US also point out
what kind Of work should be under
taken and the spirit in which it ought
to be done. In other words, what the
worrier needs is re-education.-Rev. S.
s. McComb in Harper's Bazar.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
Hard and Soft.

What" asked the teacher, docs an
thracite mean?".
'eThat's a kind Of COAL" said little
Willie.
Eyes. Anthracite coal is what we call
hard coal. So anthracite must mean
hard Now, can you tell me what
ebituminous' means?"
"That's coal, too," Willie replied.
But it isn't the same kind Of coal
that anthracite Is, is It? Bituminous
coal IS what we commonly refer to as
soft coal Now, Willie, let us see If
you can form sentence containing
the words anthracite and bituminous." ."
Willie thought the matter over for a
minute and then said:
Here's one: This morning before
pa started downtown ma wanted IS for
groceries and things, and she tried to
get it by saying bituminous words, but
pa gave her an anthracite look, and
when he disappeared around the corner
she was weeping Unanimously.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
Dictionary Users Modest.

Men are never so modest as when
they go to use dictionary" remarked
an attendant at the public library.
"As rule, when you see nan go to
public dictionary or one in any place
where other people are around you'll
see him look about furtively as If In
fear somebody might see him. Men
who make no pretensions at having
any great amount Of knowledge never
theless seem to be embarrassed to
have any one think that they do not
know the pronunciation or meaning OF
some English word. The next time
you see a man looking up word IN
the dictionary just ask him what 1t IS
he is looking up and see # be will tell
YOU. You'll find in at least nine cases
out Of ten that he won't tell you. Hes
afraid you'll know ii and have the fun
Of enlightening him."-Cle7eland Plain
Dealer.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
TO EAT MAcAR0Nl.
First Swallow a Reel and Then Take
Chances With tho Strings.

First Swallow a Reel and Then Take
Chances With tho Strings.
Didst ever eat macaroni Italian style?
Say, it is great! They serve it on a
platter that would be two feet square
if it wasn't round It greatly resem-
bles Medusa's head on platter. It
looks like snakes. but 1t isn't You
eat it with fork, spoon, knife, fingers,
face chopsdcks or scissors, as you pre-
fer
In the real Italian style it comes in
strings. Macaroni originally was In
vented to be fed through a keyhole.
The strings are Of indetecminate length.
ANY good Italian could start masd-
eating a piece the other end Of which
was on top Of the Masonic temple and
finish within seventy-three seconds. a
boa constructor could eat string OF
macaroni-if he were long Gough.
It's an art. That's ali there is to it
But that isn't all there is to it. Some
people say it Is an acquired art. 9th
ers insist that you must be to the man
ner born. Some say the Italians have
reels inside, and there may be some
thing in this, for they eat as though
feeding machine by machinery.
No one has ever dared to measure
the length Of a single strip OF naca-
rcni. Like the population and circun-
ference Of the world, 1t has to be est-
mated. Estimates differ, but all admit
that it is long enough. except the dyed
In the wool Italians.
a dish of macaroni, Italian style, con-
sists Of one Of these strings /festooned
in imitation of the Gordian knot Some
cut the Gordian knot; others absorb it.
The absorption process may not be the
most elegant, but it surely Is, the most.
general.
Gentle reader, If you are ever led up
to a platter Of macaroni, Italian style.
and find all the exits closed. grit yo,'t
teeth and 20 at the thing with firm Ge-
termination and timber fork Gently
decoy the left end Of the string on
your fork and begin to wind. Rotate
the fork vigorously for some four min
utes in the right hand and then trans
fer to the left. Then when the wad
has assumed the size Of ten cent
spool Of darning cotton open your
mouth with your fingers and punch
it in
a convenient way for the amateur to
consume the dish is to set some kind
friend to find the end Of the string.
Once having discovered this, distin-
guish 1t with bit Of red silk ribbon.
Then look for the other end. II not
found within fifteen minutes ask the
walters assistance.
When the end Is reac-ed your pace
Of engulfng the string will have In
creased, 50 that probably the end VIII
slip into you unnot;ced- But do not
let this worry you. You have found
the end even II you have lost It Look
at your plate! It IS empty! Aha! At
last you have accomplished the gentle
art Of absorbing macaronl = Chicago
Record d-HeraId
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
a Metaphor With a History.

To "know hawk from a hernshaW"
is a metaphor with a curious history.
It is comparison drawn from fal-
conry. ''Hernshaw" is a corruption
Of "heronshaw," or young heron, bird
which was common prey Of the fal-
cons. TO know a hawk from a hern-
shaw is therefore to be able to dis
tinguish the falcon from its prey. 4
further colloquial corruption crept 1910
the phrase-''to know hawk from a
handsaw," a form used by Hamlet IN
one place. Possibly the distinction De-
tween hawk and q hernshaW was
found not to be strong enough for the
purposes Of the proTerb.-NancheSter
Guardian.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
q Yoca Story.

For fourteen years Bava Luchman
Dass received from the priests Of the
Black Caves Of central India the nee
essary education in order to become a
yoga, as q yoga must be capable OF
taking the forty-eight postures Of the
Hiadoo idols. Perhaps the greatest
trick consists in balancing himself on
the. ends Of his fingers while the whole
Of his body Is in the air. Bava stated
that in order to obtain the rank OF
yoga In the Black Caves Of India ne
had to continue in this position on the
ends Of his fingers under the eyes OF
the judges, without seconds inter
val, for seven days and nightsIStrand
MAGAZINE.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
q Lesson In Thrift.

a lesson in thrift is found in the ad-
vice given by Congressman John =.
Andrus to a young man for whom ne
had secured minor appointment IN
the capitol at Washington. Meetlne
the young fellow in the caplto1, ne
placed hand on his shoulder and re-
marked:
William, you are just beginning
your life. Let me give you DIT OF
sound advice: When you leave your
boarding house in the morning never
take more, than 80 cents in your pock-
cts. enough perhaps for your luncheon
and for car fare. You will then no!
be tempted to spend more than You can
afford. d."-Yonkcrs Statesman.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
Maize lying.


4 police official Of New York, discuss
ing the case Of a policeman found
guilty Of protecting gambling houses
said:
"The man lied too naively in defense
of his innocence. he was like car
penter employed by newspaper friend
Of mine. Ny newspaper friend writes
q good deal at home, and, his study
being next to the nursery, the chill
dren's noise disturbed him, and he en-
ployed a carpenter to make the wall
sound proof between the two rooms.
I'll fix it al! right said the carpenter
confidently. The best thing to 90 Will
be to line it with sharings.' He COM
pleted his job, then he called the liter
ary man in. She's sound proof all right
now he said. HWell test her, said the
literary man. You stay here. AND,
going into the nursery, he called to the
carpenter in the study, Can you hear
me? NO, sir; can't was the prompt
reply."-New York Tribune.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
Low Neeked CIresses.

In the early days o. Pennsylvania
there was a law, as we learn from
documents In the state department,
which stated as follows: 'sThat II any
white female Of ten years or upward
should appear in any public street,
lane, highway, church. courthouse, taV-
ern, ball, theater or any other place
Of public resort with naked shoulders
i. e.. low necked dresses-being able
to purchase necessary clothing, she
shall forfeit and pay fine Of not less
than 500 nor more than $500"
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
Agreed With the lecturer.

During a lecture at one Of the schools
on the subject Of ventilation and Ar
chitecture," the temperature Of the
room rose to very high pitch.
"And now we will turn to Greece" j"
said the lecturer.
$50 we will" said one Of the audi
ence, wiping his brow, unless you
open some Of the windows. Path
finder.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
a Live Steak.

sIt IS a mistake" said the president
oe the New York Waters club. 10
think that ar Englfshman always
wants his beef excessively rare As
matter Of fact, the English Ike tneE
beef better done than we 90. onee
saw waiter" he continued, serve al
Eno,,sh duke with cut Of very, yer!
-are s,r,o,n The duke looked closely
at the slice of bright red meat inen
he said: ...r
will you? .o >,
The butcher, sirY the waiter STAN
mered. o-
Eyes said the duke. rms oeel
doesn't seem to be quite dead yet
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
She INVESTIGATED.

What Elsie's sister wanted to know
was where Elsie got that beautiful
silver mounted walking stick But
Elsie didn't want Elsie's sister to
know, so Elsie's sister got Elsie's IA
ther to ask Elsie.
II found it." Elsie poutingly inform
ed her father, floating like schooner
on the waves one day when I was
bathing"
But two days later Elsie's sister
said to Elsie:
"Come-teu me! What IS his name!'
"Namew repeated Elsie blankly.
"What do you meanP'
II mean, DEAR" said Elsie's sister,
that last night tried to make that
stick Of yours float in the bath. and
well, darling, it sank" - Pearsons
Weekly.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
Unchanoinq Man.

Mortal man offers but little difference
In spite Of the diversity Of race and
climate, and in analyzing the Egyptian
we almost find ourselves reproduced
Intellectual man also manifests sin
cular identity Of aspiration and belief
from the Nile to the !Ganges and from
the Eurotas to the -Arno.-Mercure de
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
Cured Hay Fever and Summer Cold.

A. S. Nusbaum, Batesville. Indiana,
writes: Last year suffered for three
months with a summer cold so distress
ing that it interfered with my business.
| had many of the symptoms OF nay
fever, and doctors prescription dld
not reach my case, and ! took several
medicines which seemed only to aggra-
vate is. Fortunately | insisted upon
having F'oley's Honey and Tag. 1t
quickly cured me. My wife has since
used Foley's Honey and Tar with the
same success" w. E. Brown Il Co.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
Attention, asthma Sufferers

FoIey's Honey and Tar will give i'm
immediate relief relief to asthma
sufferers and has cured many cases
that had refused to yield to other treat
ment. Foley's Honey and Tar is the
best remedy for coughs, colds and all
throat and lung trouble. Contains no
harmful drugs. W. E. Brown & Co.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05

The youngest girl Of a Baltimore
family was recently much distressed
at dessert to discover that there was
ice cream fof dinner.
"Oh, papa" exclaimed the young
ster reproachfully, "why didn't they
tell me this morning that we We're go
ing to have ice cream?"
"What difference would that have
made"
"Lotsw sighed the child. Il could
have expected it all day."-Lippincotts
Magazine.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
She Likes Good Things.

Mrs Chas. E. Smith, OF West Frank
lin. Maine. says, 81 like good things
and have adopted DR. Kings New Lie
pills as our family laxative medicine,
because they are good and do their
work without making a fuss about It."
These painless purifiers sold at Arant's
Drug Store. 25c.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05

Bert Barber, of Elton, Wis, says: I
have only taken four doses Of your Kid
ney and Bladder Pills and they have
done cor me more than any other medi-
cine has ever done. am still taking
the pills as want L perfect cure Mr.:
Barber refers to DeWitt's Kidney and
Bladder Pills. Sold by W. Z. Brown &
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
How to Avoid Appendicitis.

Most victims of appendicitis are those
who are habitually constipated. Foley S
Orino Laxative cures chronic constlpa-
tion by stimulating the liver and bow
els. Foley's Orino Laxative does not
nauseate or grippe and is mild and pleas
ant to take. Refuse substitutes. w. L.
Brown & Co.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
HIS TURN CAME.
Tho Way the Liquor Man Got Evsn
With the Bank Teller.

Tho Way the Liquor Man Got Even
With the Bank Teller.
Many years ago there lived In Rut-
land, Vt, two men who bore the same
name, which name we will call ". O.
Jones. One Of these men was dap
per young bank teller; the other was
engaged in running cigar store with
a saloon attachment in the rear. This
was in the days Of prohibition in Fer-
mont. Every three or four weeks the
latter Jones would be hailed into the
police court and fined for liquor SELL
ing, which was chronicied regularly In
the daily papers. The bank teller grew
nervous about 1t, and one morning this
announcement appeared: "W. 0. Jones,
the popular young bank teller OF the
Rutland National bank, wishes it to be
understood that he is in no way con-
nected with the saloon keeper and
hopes their names may not be con-
founded"
Now, it transpired that a few months
afterward this young teller failed to
appear one morning at his accustomed
window at the bank. Upon q hasty
examination it was found that S15,O0O
or more Of the funds Of the bank had
also disappeared The wires were
called into requisition Immediately,
and after q few days he was located
in Denver. 1t was the old story. He
was brought back. incarcerated. tried
etc
It was now the saloon keepers turn,
and this notice was duly published 1n
the same paper that issued the pre-
yIous one: "W. O. Jones. the widely
known business man Of Merchants
row, wishes it t. be understood that he
is in no way connected with W. O.
Jones, the defaulting bank teller no"
In jail, and hopes their names may moi
be confounded. ed."-Exchange.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
Annoyino the Passengers.

"There used to be in one Of the
southern states" said q military man,
"a railroad that was notorious for its
sloyness. This lire was so slow that
the people took to lampooning it In tie
press. Thus one Memorial day q
planter wrote to the Rapier, the lead
ing paper Of his district:
'"The Editor Of the Rapier:
Dear Sir-Is there no way to put
stop to begging along the line OF the rail-
road9 For instance. yesterday an aged
veteran with a wooden leg kept pace with
the afternoon express all the way from
Paint Rock to NoIa Chucky and annoyed
the passengers exceedingly. going from
one open window to another with his I'M
Fortunate solicitations. "
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
A Bibliophile's Reply.

Mandell Creighton, who was bishop
of London, had horror OF lending
his favorite books. A feEow clergy
man once visited the bishop and took
q fancy to an old edition Of Shake
speare. BE borrowed the volume and
did not think to return it for several
months. Finally the minister returned
It with a letter, saying, MY Dear
Bishop-I have great pleasure IN re-
turning the volume you lent me-"
The bishop answered, MY Dear
Brother-All the joy IS mine
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
Seldom Is Q smooth tongue without
O sting oebtnd.-lrigh Proverb.
For Sore Feet.

II have found Bucklen's Arnica
Salve to be the proper thing to use for
sore feet, as well as for healing burns,
sores, cuts, and all manner OF abra-
sious.' writes Mr.. w. Jones, of East
Poland. Maine. 1t is the proper ching
TOO for piles" Try it. Sold under
guarantee at Arant's Drug Store. 23c.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
Her Prooress

s'The last time I saw you you were
complaining about your servant being
so slow"
''Oh, she's progressing now"
'Is she really?
ayes. She's getting slower and slow
er."-EKchange-
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05

Gyer-Isn't it queer tnat the pump
Of benevolence Is located exactly at
the top Of mans head? Myer-
What's queer about It? GyeE-Wny'
it's as far from the pocketbooS as
possible Chicago News.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
Far Fields Are Greener.

Far Fields Are Greener.
A boz always brags Of what he will
do when he's man.
And when he becomes man be al
ways boasts Of what he did when be
wus O boy.--P1cx.Me.Cp.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
Out Of Il.

Eyes, he makes a big nit with her.
he has a green automobile, and It
matches her dress"
"Well, why don't you take her dr1T-
ing%
Il amt got no green horse."-st-
Louis Republic.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
Anothecary's WeiGht.

"I'm sure" whispered the gossip,
.that Mr.. Pillsbury, the druggist,
takes a dram occasionally
Eyes" replied the bright girl, Il be-
lieve he has 10 scruples in that direc-
rection. n..Philadelp Press.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05

No one is immune from kidney
trouble, so just remember that Foley's
Kidney Remedy will stop the IRREGULAR
tics and cure any case of kidney or
hladder trouble that is not beyond the
reach of mcGicine. W. E. Brown & co.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
An Anomalous One

"Pop, wot's an anomaly
can anomaly" answered The chauf-
feur, 'is man who keeps an automo-
bile without kicking about the cost or
repairs" New Orleans Ti1nes-Deno-
crat
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
The Realistic Actor.

"Does he believe in realism?"
eyes. But he carries It to excess.
In the second scene he IS severely
wounded, and he has doctor issue
bulletins between the acts.
vile Ccurier-J ournal.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
Her Compliment.

"Uncle Jehosophat. I'm goin' to
name my kitten after you"
''WeI, well, that is nice of YOU
ooh. it's all right Mother says I've
got to drown the thing anyhow,"-N-
lusrated Bits.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
Some Grains Of Luck.

as your husband having any luck
at the race track?"
"some luck" answered young Mrs.
Torkins. "He hasn't caught cold nor
had his pockets picked. '-Washington
Star.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
Conceit.

Conceit IS that attitude Of the nina
which convinces man that if he had
only lived soon enough he would have
been the author Of the Bible.-Detrolt
Tree Press.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05

DeWitt's Witch Hazel Salve is good
for cuts, burns, bruises and scratches.
It is especially good for piles. Recon-
mended and sold by W. E. Brown 4 Co..
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05

I have but one lamp by which my
feet are guided. and that is the lamp
Of experience. l know no way "
Judging Of the future but by the past
Patrick Henry.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
A Keen Business Man.

Noah landed on Ararat.
"Fine." he cried-"a mountain and
seashore resort In one!"
Herewith be started to build a sum-
mer hotel.-New York Sun.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
HaIF of the Pleasure.

Washington Star.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
Hot Retort.

The Writer-Ah. laugh at me Il
YOU will, but I will write Of you ID my
journal that which will make you
sick! The Artist Everything that
m'sieur writes makes me sick.-Lfe.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
Some Doubts.

New Curate-How's your wife, ia
bez? Jabez very doubtful,
measter. 'Er doubts as 'er won't get
better. and Oh doubts as 'er wull.-
Punch.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-08-05
Wanted a Pusher.

'sWhat did the new neighbors come
to borrow now?"
"They wanted the lawn mower.
'tIs that all?''
s'That was all they spoke about but
I think from the way they stood
around they would like to have Ior-
rowed my husband to run it."-Nasa'
vile American.