Republican news item. [volume] (Laport, Pa.) 1896-19??, 1908-01-02

The Promptness With Which the
Tough Waiter Served the Dish Took
the Tcrror's Nerve Away--Ths Re-
past ard the Fina, Request
Turpin established a restaurant in
Yuma, and among Turpin's original
employees was waiter named Job
Straight who could shoot with great
precision, play draw poker with un-
varying success and pack eighteen
plates of miscellaneous grub upon one
bare arm at one time. He could exc
cute ali the prevailing melodies either
on piano or guitar and he possessed
the most tremendous baritone voice
ever heard In Arizona Why, men some
tines went to Turpin's just to hear Joe
deliver gastronomic orders. No per
feet description can he given of that
voice, however. except to say that at
times it really did make things clatter.
once fresh young cowboy from
near GiIa Bend entered Turpin's for Il
Christmas dinner who took startling
concoction as an appetizer and then
dropped thud like at table and rough
ly shouted TO Straight:
Say. there, Baldy. Bring me some
grub.''
Job was at first appalled,; but. recov-
ering his reserve limit of equanimity.
he brushed an imaginary breadcrumb
from the frescoed tablecloth and
whisked bill of fare from the varle.
gated castor and placed 1t before the
new young terror OF the Bend.
Take it away" cried the latter in
tones that could give Straight's ordi-
nary, everyday baritone castle and
checknate it in Eve moves II don't
want to read your darned old tract.
don't care darn who came into the
world to save sinners. Bring me some
gruh--g-r-u-b! Grub! Grub! Grub"
What do you want:'
"Rattlesnakes on toast! And / want
You to hump yourself"'
whats that?"
"I've given my order, you bnldheaded
old cigar store sign, and want you to
get move on yourself. p. d. q. Rattle
snakes on toast"
"Rattlesnakes on toast"' cried Job to
the cook in accents that would have
paralyzed Carl Formes had that old
basso profundo been living and heard
them.
"Rattlesnskes on toast" was the re-
verberating response from the cook
upon receiving the order.
There were a dozen or more people in
the restaurant. and their eyes We're at
once turned on tho young person from
the Bend and the infuriated waiter.
In the meantime the cook had taken
a big catfish and cut it into four strips
and rolled these strips in batter, so
that they much resembled the Wand or
dered, and after placing them in the
frying pan he stuck his head out of the
kitchen and shouted to Job:
You want them rattlers rare or well
done?'
The waiter repeated the interrogatory'
in cyclonic way. and the terror re-
piled In as violent tone and manner
as he could command. "Well done. with
plenty Of gravy and Chill Colorado"
And then Job thundered to the cook:
"Weli done, with plenty OF Chill Colo
ralo, hot as -, and moccasin gravy
on the side and brochettes of sand
crane livers and Gila monster lights"
Th"-e was an instantaneously dead
| 3il,3..a II fiat restaurant and all eyes
We're aga, cast upon the terror and
| the waiter. The former turned ashen
| pale end began to weaken perceptibly,
| while Job gazed at his victim
Maybe you don't think we can serve
all the market affords" muttered job.
Maybe you don't like moccasin gravy
| or brochcttes Ia mode. Maybe you
amt hungry"
Say! You've got mel amt hungry,
so help ne. couldn't eat single hard
boiled egg. Countermsnd that burned
order, old man, and Ill pay all ex-
penses and set 'em up as long as any
body can drink. Beg pardon, gentle
men, all Ny first attempt to be ter
rorpardon me, gentlemen. It's my
last"
And then he handed his revolver to
Job and added:
Take that pistol. old man, as a
present and promise me that the next
time any burned fool comes in here
and calls for rattlesnakes on toast
you'll shoot him deadw
But Straight was too raving mad all
the way through to willingly emerge
from situation only tolerably tri
umphant. So he took the weapon Just
as the order was being placed on the
table and. pointing it at the terror.
exclaimed:
Now, then, my boy. dump yourself
into that chair and eat them snakes
bones. skin and allw
The young fellow did as he was COM
manded, but after finishing his repast
staggered the uncompromising Job by
shouting: