Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1908-04-10
XVTN7NTN vXXXSNAN
DRIFTWOOD
BYUUE r. VERNON.

/ itself.
The man who has half hour to
spare generally drops in and occu-
pies half-hOur that belongs to some
other man.
| have observed no matter how
loose the engagement ring may be,
the diamond never slips round on
inside of Il woman'S finger.
Many a girl wears sailor hat who
can't row a boat. "-Er.
Yes. and many man wears silk
hat who can set up stOve-pipe.
A newly-started paper delicately
announces that its charge for mar
riage notices is just what the
ecstasy of the bridegroom may
prompt.
Mrs. Starfish-" How clean and
fresh the landscape looks to-day"
Mr.. Starish-'' Yes, | read in the
paper this morning something about
detectives securing the country
Passenger ION board train between
Olympia and Portland- | don t
see Thy you fellows can't call out
the stations palmer.
Brakeman We are brakemen,
not trained elocutiOnists. "
Mr.. Starfish (angrily)-" When |
married you | had no idea what a
fool you were
Mrs. Starfish-" The fact that |
was willing to marry you should have
removed all doubts on that point.
The lecturers are always telling
about the early bird getting the
worm. as if it were moral lesson.
But they have nothing to say about
the early worm, and how man is to
know whether he will be the early
Worm or the early bird.
A Texas litigant wants $3.50, 900, =
900 for having been unjustly con-
fined in an insane asylum for a per-
iod of six weeks. A great many
people will accept the size of his de-
mand as conclusive evidence that he
ought to be sent back there.
Startish-" Have you noticed how
all the necessarics of life have gone
up?'
Klam-" No, they haven't all gone
up"
Startish-" Well, | should like to
have you mention one thing that
hasn't gone up.
Klam-" Certainly. My salary"
You wouldn't think there'd be
enough difference between the def
mite and the indefinite article to
matter much, would you? | made
Il lifelong enemy of a woman
once just by writing the" where
II meant "a. 1t was on account
of a wedding l was doing. l said
something about the ceremony be.
ing performed at the home of the
brides aunt and then | added that
there were present only the few
friends of the family" The bride
never got over that the" in front OF
few. 1t happened over fifteen years
ago, and when my name is mentioned
she still froths at the mouth.
We should not tilt our nose toe
much at the Scotch bagpipe, for il
was the romantic Paul Jones, ;
Scotchman; who founded our navy
it was Scotchman who founded
Princeton University; it was ;
, Scotchman, James Gordon Bennett
| who gave us our modern American
, journalism; and it was Andrew
Carnegie, Scotchman, who frs
, organized our steel industry upol
= its present colossal scale, and who
beginning his career as messenger
p boy in Pittsburg, became in shOr
I span of life the greatest irOnmastel
A of the world and the second riches
r man in the world. No, we must no
tilt our nose too much at the Scotcl
S bagpipe.
a The editor of a weekly paper il
S Eastern Washington recently pub
0 lished long apology because h,
n gave the title to a person he haa
: never seen before who had move,
+ into tho Methodist parsonage of hi
!. town. as Mr." instead of DR..
Q AS the title doctor" comes from
t the Latin which signifies great
: one who is placed in authority; on
v who has control or authority owe
l. some person or things; ono who ha
o the right to control or dispose; on
h who rules, governs or directs" fa
to see where any apology was neces
o Sary. The editor said he had no in
d tention to wound the doctors fee
e ings." He doesn't tell his reader
J. whether the gentleman is q doctor {
d divinity or a doctor OF medicine, bu
,e in either case q man who would rails
'e a roar over the honorable title az
r. corded to the President of the ~
public must be small potatoes.
1t must be acknowledged that We
e man is sometimes uncOnsciouSly h,
IN mOrOuS when she is face to face wit
" a militant argument. Said yOun
~ Olympia man to his wife: NJ
e, dear, do you know that if there wer
n but one potato left in the world,
a. would be of more Importance to pr
~ serve that potato than to save IL
n city of Olympia from destruction
is tire?"
ds why, Harry. what do you near
v, I never heard such nonsense
ne No, that is the simple trutl
as The loss of a city could be met an
1y forgotten in q lifetime; but the p
a tatO Is essential to the well-being
DO o large number of the human race.
ri Now, Harry, think what v
H. should lose if Olympia were burr
up to-day! But, of course, if tn;
potato were lost, people would ski
mish round and find another pota,
somewhere
A witness in a Victoria, B. c., p
lice court, when told to kiss the boz
promptly kissed the ledger he WI
CARRYING. Possibly he was a none
lender. | know a certain Judge
w. Victoria, who died a few years ag
v who, had he been alive when tt