The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-09-24
THAT COMMISSION.

Plainly The Kansas City Journal IS not very highly enthused over the Iat- est Roosevelt fad; the appointment of a farm commission. If" 1t remarks. ''the extensive and complicated program which has been arranged for the farm commission recently appointed by the President is carried out. the rural pop. ulation of the United Stats may as well be prepared for such an inquisi- ton as it never knew before. From the standpoint of the farmers of the country the proposed investigation Is more or less ex parte, inasmuch as even the commissioners have hazy ideas of what the commission Is for and the farmers will stand in the unsatisfactory position of being minutely and person. ally examined without being informed as to what valuable result. if any. is hoped for"
 We'll. it is possible that for the time being the President couldn't think of any OlneT doStidbioH tO 6Ct talk ed about, so he decided to take the farmers under his protecting wing and cause them to rise up and call him blessed. You see. an important cam paign was coming on, and if he could get the unsuspecting rural dwellers to believe that he was fathering a scheme for their especial benefit. they would vote for his man Friday and elect him. Anything that gives hope of adding strength to Tafts candidacy goes with Roosevelt.
 But is not The Journal mistaken of value will come from this new fad? The object is to obtain statistics. as we understand it, and how better can this be done than by sending a man to each farmer to ask things? We do not claim to be fully posted as to the de- tails of the work. but we can imagine some of the data that will be obtained. The farmer will be required to tell how 
 many grains of corn grow on each cob. and how many ears of corn grow on an acre, and how many potatoes 1t takes to make a heap. They will ask him how many potato bugs visited him last season, and what he killed them with. They will want to know how ft faI 91o hole in tree, and why a jaybird goes to Hades on Friday. They will find out why pig always puts it's feet in the swill trough, and why an old ram turns his rear to the wind when a rain is coming.
 And there are other important points of information about which the Roose- welt. brain wishes to be enlightened. The commission will doubtless inquire why the hen betrays herself by cack- ling when she lays an egg; why some hens lay two eggs a day. and what they mean by it; why some plants must always be planted on the light of the moon and others on the dark nights why 1t rains when you hang a dead snake on a tree; why dog howls just before somebody dies somewhere, and how the animal foretelIs it. And the farmer will be asked to tell how many cabbage heads will grow in one square nf rryfll La plain why it is that potatoes grow un- der the ground and tomatoes above 1t.
 There will also be some vital statis- tics to be obtained. Each farmer will be asked to tell how many children have been born to him, and if the num- Der is not up to the Presidential stand ard the recalcitrant will be required to tell what he means by it. He will be asked to tell the age, height and weight of each member of the family. and If any of the children have crooked arms or knock knees, the farmer must tell what is the cause of it. Oh, there are great wads of information the commits sioners will dig out of the rural popu lation-if they can. We are not sure that the world will be any wiser or better for the statistics thus obtained, but the Big Sticker has ordered it, and 1t goes. Is not this an age of prog ress and prosperity? Roosevelt says it is. and if he doesn't know, who does. pray?