Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-16

"Iust wot Is a Crusader" asked the
Head Bell Coy. II hear of EN- very ne
ouent here OF late but l amt seen none
as knows Of"
1T all depends on the period OF MIS-
tory TO whih you refer" said the Hotel
Clerk a matter Of five Or six hundreo
years ago. when the captains OF industry
used their Steel Preferred FOR making
top clothes out Of instead of for invest
nent purposes. Crusader was sen'ie-
man OF naughty aspect who looked hKe
can Of imported sardines when he mao on
his lightweight summer armor. ana me
a kitchen range when he was wearing MS
winter buds He put on his vest with
stove lid and took off his socks with can
onener 4 set OF screw drivers was on
every well-equipped dressing table II
anything got the matter with his helmet
anr he forgot the combination of his shlf'
front they had to send for the nearest
locksmith. II he came home 10 his castle
from stag social of the Crusaders Alo
Society with a commodious medieval stew
aboard and tripped on the top step ana
fell downstairs. as he no doubt did from
time to time. he made a noise ike q
switch engine hitting a milk wagon
There was no chance for him TO take OH
his shoes at the front door and SLIP IN
quietly They wasn't that SORT OF sllos so
They were more like the kind a morse
wears And so his lady wife would near
the hideous clamor ringing out IN the .
am. quiet and she'd arise and come ou'
10 the top of the landing and see MN
having there fiat on his portcuilIs Wild
his hands cIaspeG across the don ION Keep
and"
.Wot's a por,cullis?" asked the Head
Bell Boy, breaking in.
soil
Clerk ''They have different name
for X these times. Anyway. | was telling
you about the Crusader and not about the
various points of interest on his anatomy
~
But he nearly always had glorious
finish He departed to the Holy Lands
and a Saracen junk dealer broke him up
for scrap iron: or else he fatally went a
ioustng to joust A joust. Hops. was
something like the modern foot ball game.
only nilder Sometimes they called it
tournament. but I like joust better. 1t
sounds more like what it was. He'd go to
the joust. as I told YOU. and he'd ride
down the lists on his noble Percheron
charger with his long but foolish spear
ST firmly in its socket and his Sunday
suit rafting like load of Trails cross
ing car track. And another chivarous
and gentle jouster would come Looping out
to meet him and commit safe burglary on
him with a steel-noss mail So now he's
buried in Westminster Abbey or some
other favorite resort for American tour
lists. with stone monument weighing
eleven tons resting on his stomach: and
dozens OF the best families in Chicago and
Troy y. Y. named Watkins and Multi
gan are claiming descent from him: and
using his coat-of-arms on their canned
beef and their dollar shirts. 1t ought
10 be glory enough for any crusader.
even if he's dead. to know that eighty
million packages of deviled ham and
countless volumes of two-for-a-quarter
collars are annually carrying his armorial
crest as a trade mark. and doing we'll.
But the modern crusader. Hops. Is a
very different person. He doesn't dress
up in any of the malleable metals unless
YOU figure IN his watch chain and his
amalgam filings. He's usually we'll
1o-do. middle-aged gentleman-although
sometimes hes lady-who makes it
business to make everybody ese's bust
ness his business He's prominent in re-
form campaigns and breakfast food tes-
timonials He generally starts out by
furnishing literary contributions for the
subscribers column on the editorial pages
of family newspapers. The next stage is
when there's a mass meeting to protest
against something. and he sits on the
stage with Anthony Comstock. Joseph
Choate. r. Fulton Cutting. and the other
200 honorary vice presidents. and plays
scenery. If il was a musical show. he'd
he the chorus; being mass meeting, he's
the honorary vice president. It's not
hard job to fill If the subject has suffi-
o1ently serious expression of countenanca
and name that looks kind of impressive
and wealthy when printed in small type.
\
But after bit he passes into the
VII Sfato Of no
up and emits an emotional Shrek that
Sarah Bernhardt would give any money
to own and have under control. He's
discovered that there ought to be six
cylinder. forty horsepower crusade start
ed right away correct some hellish
wrong that everybody thought was al
right until he called their attention 10 Il.
IF we've got plenty of good live SEN
eatio1s at the time, We are apt to give
him the back-up signal. The papers print
foolish pictures of him and the voice of
the public is heard advising him to re-
turn TO the round house and spin around
a few times? When strangers begin to
laugh at young crusade. it's time for it's
friends to begin 10 weep for il. So our
disappointed Crusader retires down a sid
ing and becomes pessimistic and takes to
reading Edwin Markhams poetry.
But IL he happens TO usher his chubby
vriHkled. hairless. toethless little pink
crusade into the world at a period when
-
and nutritious. Presently he finds himself
marching the head of a procession
composed of seven or eight million of his
proud and admiring fellow citizens and
when he dies We take up a popular sub
scription. and hire home talent sculptor
90 erect statue in his memory. and flu
ture generations, as yet unborn. will come
and look at il, and wonder If ANYBODY
ever really had that kind OF legs
Il haven't been able to figure out vet
what's liable To happen to the ambitious
crusaders that put the rollers under this
new crusade against women smoking in
public. / never saw but one woman that
smoked in public and she smoked a pipe
She also dipped snuff. as recollect with
out attracting any marked attention
But she wasn't what you could call
socially prominent. and maybe that made
a difference. So I'm wondering what we'll
do with the Anti-Smoke-Lady Crusade as
il stands VIII mount il on The
band wagon or will We push II under the
caboose? The gentlemen who are respon-
sible for il are carrying on extensively
They are standing out on the snowy lawn
all In row with their heads thrown back
and their ears Tapping. baying freely in
the general direction Of the moon And
the lady in the said moon she Simply
smiles that cold. unfathomab! bic smiI. of
hers and rolls lis Il way she has
III seems like from what ! can dis
tinguish from their anguished outcry that
the habit of smoking In public mas be-
come very common among the ladies Of