The bee., 1908-08-06
A TALE OF the
WIRELESS"

"My, but It's a rough night" OBJ
served Squire Simmons, as he strolled
into the brightly lighted smoking
room OF the Ananias club. 1T seems
to me the weather man isn't up to his
Job. His bulletin this morning pre-
dicted fair and warmer, and tonight
It's blowing and showing. and getting
colder every minute. / see by the pa
pers that the wires are down every
where Wonder how he'll know what
kind Of weather we're to have to-
morrow"
He won't have any trouble on that
score, reckon" replied Captain Bran
die. tapping the ashes from his pipe
and reflling It, "the wireless II help
him Out-the new station was finished
yesterday, I'm told"
Prof Meggs drew his chair up q
little closer to the hearth. Touching
on such subjects, how would you like
to hear a true story about the wire
less'--one that proves truth is strang-
er than hctiOn? he asked.
The squire smiled skeptically. "Si,"
he said, I'm always ready to listen
to a good story, but I've read so many
and heard so many lies about the
wireless that I'm afraid even yours
might be a chestnut. You can tell 1t,
but warn you that If it's stale one
we'll all drink a toddy on you"
The professor merely smiled. and
stretched himself out comfortably in
his arm chair.
Two years ago." he began, when ]
was teaching school in Verdantville,
small village up the Allegheny valley.
a dapper and diamond bedecked chap
hit our town. He was a first-prize
faker, direct descendant of the Bib
lical celebrity whose name this club
perpetuates, and he had a scheme that
stamped him as a smooth-bore fool
"At that he might have made money
by it, seeing as there's one of his kind
born every minute, but unfortunately
for the faker he ran up against
friend Of mine, fellow named Bill
Blandel, too early In the game.
so that you can the better under
stand how it all came to pass I'll have
to enlighten you about Bill. Bill was
jolly sort till he got married. But
he got hitched up wrong. His wife
proved to be the most churlish woman
in Verdantville, and just naturally en-
joyed making Bills life miserable.
Whenever he'd express an opinion
she'd cross it and start arguing, and
rrA rr
two she's grow indignant and would
bring skillets, saucepans and other
cooking utensils into the argument,
and they'd most always land some
where on Bill
"Of course, that soured his disposi-
ton, for such treatment showed him
that he'd miscalculated about his at
hnity. But being of church-going
stock Bill bowed to the burden put
on him by wedlock. and one day when
Mrs. Blandel got 50 angry that she
took a fit and died in it. Bill actually
cried. / kind Of think, though, that
he wept for Joy for when he and
were riding home from the burying
ground on the day his wife was laid
away, Bill said to me tearfully, 81,
this Is the happlest day OF my hte.'
Nov about the faker-he told Bill
that this wireless telegraph Invention
IL the eighth wonder OF the world, and
that he was working for a hundred
million-dollar company that had a
wireless station on one Of the Egyptian
pyramids where messages were re-
ceived constantly from st. Peter about
the people up above. He said his
company was utilizing the messages
In making books. directories, as 1t
were, with all the angels names In
them, showing where each angel was
from, how they were feeling and how
they were passing the time. he
vowed his company was preparing
such a directory for every city and
town in the world. including Verdant-
vile, and that Verdantville must be a
mighty pious place because the proof
sheets of the directory his company
was preparing showed the names OF
nearly every one that was buried in
our village.
'He gave Bill a great jolly about
BilIs being a leading citizen, and ex-
planned that for that reason the com
pany particularly wanted TO have Bill's
name at the head of its Verdantville
subscription list, and that If Bill
would head II he could have a copy of
the directory for ten dollars. in ad-
vance, although the regular price was
6fty-ten dollars down and five dol
lars a month thereafter
"Bnl was naturally gullible-his
marriage had shown that, and he was
much taken with the proposition, until
he asked for word from his departed
better-half. When the faker started
telling Bill about her Bill got frantic
with rage. Catching the faker by the
collar he yanked him around the cor
ner to the lookup. There he was held
as a suspicious character for a while.
but as nobody appeared to prosecute
him, he was fined and ordered out OF
town.