The Washington herald., 1908-01-12
WOMAN ABOUT TOWN
WHAT SHE SEES AND HEARS.

this morning at least. A man I know IS
spending the winter down in Mississippi.
and every afternoon he works diligently
over a course OF seven holes laid out I'm
the pine barrens. The natives overlook
the eccentricity because has from the
North. and Northerners are Known 10
amuse themselves in extraordinary ways,
and they don't mind his playing so long
as ne doesn't bother the sheep or kill any
razor-backs. One recent afternoon
backwOodsman-a "hill-billy'' is the local
term for him-passed that way, and stop
ped to watch the singular gentleman. The
golf man was not "in form" that day.
and gallery did not add to his enjoy
ment. The "hill-billy" watched him wad
up sand for a tee.
Golf he said. II seen 'en play that
air game over TO Pass Christian"
Did your remarked the player.
'Yup."
The player addressed the ball. swung
his driver back, and fooled hideousiv.
''Fup," said the audience, It seen EN-
He relapsed into silence while the player
scO0ped up another hiiloCk Of sand
''Yup," he remarked, as he turned 10
go. And when l seen EN- they played 1t
we'll"
Why She Has No New Hat.
yes, 1 trimmed this hat myself" said
the girl in violet. ''Of course, it looks fl
and it's Aunt Matildas fault I couldn't
ask father 20 advance ne another cent
on my alloWance-It's overdrawn clear up
till Easter now, and fathers been having
trouble with his liver-and l had to have
hat I went 10 spend New Years with
Aunt Matilda, uD In New Jersey Aunt
Matilda's one of those congeniaI pessi-
mists. Shes a good deal ike a hen. too
\ hen thinks that everything in sight is
headed straight for her with murderous
intent. aunt Matilda feels that every
time bank fails it's the happy uncover
ing Of an incipient plot to wreck her little
fortune If cashier IN Seattle absconded
Aunt Matilda would be al her home bank
before the doors were open to draw out
every cent she had. Naturally. she hasn't
any money in her bank now, except some
locked up in a safety deposit box. The
rest is tucked away in her house where
burglars would never think of looking.
There's lot under the parlOr carpet and
a lot more tucked away with her summer
clothes. and il worries Aunt Matilda be-
cause she's smelled smoke regularly every
night for twenty-seVen years. Before 1
went 10 my room she asked me not 10
drop any lighted matches anywhere, on
account Of all that money in the house.
I rer-r.r cod Il I IL
dropped the match into little tin can
with a perforated cardboard cover that
hung beside the dressing table. I didn't
notice what happened, but a few minutes
later Aunt Matilda called to me through
the door.
Be careful not TO put any lighted
matches into the hair receiver" she said
She spoke as II she thought I was in
there lighting matches 10 amuse myself.
] didn't say a word, but my heart stood
stiil. ] had dropped a match into that
tin thing. and when I looked I saw il
must be the hair receiver, because there
were remnants Of two burnt ten-dOliar
bills IN it-just the numbers left. OF
course, l wasn't going 20 tell Aunt Ma
tilda and have her throw it I'D to me all
the rest Of my life. ] put in two bills 10
replace the ones I'd destroyed and threw
the evidences of my guilt into the FIRE.
Out so. me, and mans just told me I
could have taken those charred remnants
TO the Treasury, or somewhere, and got
new money for them That makes $40 in
all I'm out doesn't it? And this hat is
what comes OF having a cautious aunt
auhrt OF Reasons for Being sleepy.
The man who is always having enter
tanning things happen to him has been
telling me that he spent the holidays with
some cousins Of his-he said they lived in
New York. but I happen to know their
house is in the Bronx. which isn't New
York much more than Brooklyn is. ANY
way, he was going home in an elevated
train late one night. and directly in front
OF him sat man who apparently had a
quart or so OF reasons for feeling sleepy.
The guard yelled every station In his ear,
but he slept on. At length the guard
grabbed him rudely by the arm and ad-
dressed him discourteOusIy.
Here, nOW," he said. You've ridden
UP and down on this line three times. and
you'd better wake up and get of. What
station do you want?"
The man with the reasons opened one
eye with reluctance
''Wha-what stations you got7" he
asked.
willing TO Take ''LicOrfce."
A very dear old lady has been visiting
my friends the BIS. She is not wine
bibber, as the temperance tracts call II,
but she is not at all bigoted. Neither is
she In the slightest degree worldly wise.
The other day at dinner she gently de-
clined wine. At the close OF the dinner
Mrs. B. said TO the new waitress:
Bring the liqueur now"
The liQueur was brought.
you ought to take little Of this, Aunt
Sally" said Mrs. B.
Aunt Sally smiled
L will, thank YOU" she said 7 never
drink wine, but I'm sure a little innocent
licorice won't hurt me"
Tired of Great Mans Praises.
AS to the horrifying speech Mrs. X,