The Brattleboro reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1907-1912, 1908-08-14
FROM THE WISE GUY.
He Went to the Caucus But Didn {
Vote After All.

Tallgrass Corners, Aug. Il.
To Hon. Meddler which minds business OF
! other folks:
Providence forbid that j should ever
spend another such an afternoon and eve
ning as | did Saturday. At best | am
more or less short OF breath, and when l
laugh on a stretch Tor hive or SIX hours
feel as ii | had gallon'size cork IN my
alimentary canal near the top. At times
Saturday / expected momentarily TO hear
st. Peter calling out Where fron! and
had made up my mind 10 answer From
Brattleboro, but I'm not IN politics.
That because | had seen enough oil the
methods used IN your town TO know that
Brattleboro man who is not IN politics
is SO near to being a saint that he would
be able to get by st. Peter without bit
Of trouble.
You zee / attended your caucus dis
guised as a republican voter-that is, l
wore Taft button on my coat and tired
to look as unanimous as possible IN favor
of the O.. o. L. 1 struck IN at the lower
end of Main street and gradually worked
my way up toward the town building.
When | got as far as Elliot street | saw
two men coming toward me at iull speed
their hands iull OF slips OF paper and
cigars. didn't know but what they
might be having foot race, so l stepped
into Greenes drug store, and while there
bought a smoke for myself. The two men
were standing outside the store and watch
ing me suspiciously when | got ready TO
leave, and | thought for moment that
they took me for Elroy Kent. However,
went out, and as | did so one OF them
said to me, Did you BUY that cigar
"Of course" | answered; did you think
somebody gave it to meY'
WELL you are a mark" replied the
first speaker; didn't you know that
cigars are free to-day"
who's giving EN- away" inquired.
Il am, said the man.
"How many can | have?" said !.
las many as you want" said he.
"Who are your" said |.
"A Barber worker" said he.
"Say that over again said |.
"a Barber worker" said he.
And you will give me all the cigars l
WANT" said l.
Sure thing" said he.
"Well, l be darned," said /, give me
one"
And with that the three of us started
up the street. But it was mighty slow
work as you probably know. The side.
walk was crowded with young men and
Did men waving ballots over their heads
md throwing cigars about with as much
freedom as they would throw green apples
1t stray cat. When we finally reached
he portico on the town hall building tne
,wo men who had me in tow passed me
,ver to young man who came running
lown the corridor with his hat and coat
If and his trousers on, but scarcely so.
I'm mighty glad to see you, old man.,
lie said, clutching my arm; Il knew you'd |
,e with us when the time came
Evidently the time had come, for he
.1al, tl<, oh OF nt q | .
line and delivered me to an excited indi.
idual about five feet tall, who seemed
o be trying to 60 in three or four direc.. {
ions at the same time. Pushed and
auled by this person | at length found
lyself directly in front of black walnut
OK at the side of which was a perspir-
aName," he said, taking the ballot
had put in my hand. :
John Doe" said l.. =
"John Doe" he called over his shoulder
, the man in the rear. There was brief :
lence and then somebody said, mot on
he list"
The next thing I knew l was up in I
ont of three men who apparently were
umpire and linesman, |
ness. They asked me my name and |
I'D them. They asked me how long l 81
ad lived in the state, and l told them. n
hen they wanted to know how long | L
ad lived in Brattleboro. CT
II never lived there in my life" said, r.
oking as offended as possible is
"Well, how in thunder did you expect II
vote here?" inquired the referee.
81 didn't expect to" | retorted, "but B
new that I'd have to go through this CT
'ocess before l could escape these blast W
proselytizers." K
AS the short man who had been hold vi
g my arm since l arrived in the hall lie
{ go his hold some one in the balcony at
He'd "Stung!" l saw they meant him K
It me. pl
The rest of the afternoon and evening W
spent watching the fracas from Sc hi
1ded spot in one corner of the hall, re
d never laughed so much in my life. us
| bet there were 20 men who were or
rned down the way l was and not 70
e of them had less than a dozen cigars to
his credit. A stranger entering the ev
II door would have felt sure that
had wandered into a wedding FL
,eption and that the ushers mistook so
n for the groom's old college chum.
didn't matter who appeared at the no
ad of the stairs there was always some =
e to grab him by the arm and walk
n up to the ballot box. was close on