davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06
MAKING THE MONEY FLY.
Unique Talent of StatIsticians In
Speeding the Coin.

Speeding the Coin.
From the New York Eyesing Post
Official statistics. which exist largely to
glorify cur material progress, themselves
increase with amazing rapidity The
census of 1890 cost LIP cents per capita.
The census of 1900 cost $3.50 cents per
capita, and the thirteenth census, despite
the economies Of a permanent Office
which manufactures its own tabuIating
machines, is expected to cost about the
same. We ought to reach IN course Of
time, statistical equilibrium. The ideal
is that. knowing just what facts and fig-
ures we want, we should collect them at
regular intervals. without changing the
scheme every ten years. The tendency
extending the scope Of the census must
be strong, even apart from the universal
desire Of public Offices to enlarge their
functions, The trunkful OF volumes from
the dast enumeration contains almost an
inhnitude OF items unknown 10 the twen-
ties and thirtics Yet let the investi-
gator go outside OF the main travelled
statistical roads. and he will discover
many things which the census does not
touch. The man who attempts to find
the crop say 0f asparagus, given by
minor civil divisions" " is doomed TO dis
appointment There are many and fas-
Cindting details which could be included
if Congress would be as liberal 10 the
Census Office as 1t is to the army and
navy. The statistician, however, Is al
ready a pampered parsonage, and we
should dislike to see him spoiled entirely
BY excess Of intellectual lollipops.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06
pr. Chaneellor.s Dismissal.

DIR. William +. Chancellor has been dis
missed from the position OF sUperintend-
ent Of schools. The board Of education,
after a more or less farcical investiga-
tion-farciCal because the outcome was
clearly foreordained at the start-has
found him guilty on ten different counts.
Two of these are serious; the others Of
no particular consequence.
A gentleman appraised only a few
months ago as one of the leading edu-
Gators of the land. who was believed to
be ideally htted to be put in charge Of
the schools at the Capital, is adiudged
inefficient and incompetent" If this
count is really sustained by the evidence
submitted, certainly he deserved sum-
mary dismissal All the remaining counts
might properly have been brushed aside.
The one other count Of moment upon
which he is found guilty is that he
'needlessly discarded 5.40O textbooks"
DIT. Chancellor IS lacking in judg-
ment, tact, and mental poise," according
to the finding reached. Obviously he "de-
stToyed the confidence of the school
board. That he 'wlllfully exceeded his
authority though whether that author
ity was ever clearly defined We know
Hot-may be taken Tor granted. and guilty
of characterization" must necessarily
follow.
Taking mp the counts in further order
it is found that he 'Iibeled the Districts
educational system. Since the system
has been ehronically Iibeling itself for
some years past. this charge is robbed Of
the severity it might otherwise have; but
if he really sought 70 stir up sediti0n
and destroy discipline" the unhappy fate
now his portion is none too good for him,
to say the least. "Ridiculed and libeled
the District Commissioners is charge
which doubtless the Commissioners them
selves would amiabiy refuse to take
seriously, but to have opposed and an
tagonized the school board" is the crown
ing charge of the minor counts that
Tivets and clinches the gross onense Of
'1nsubordination. and seals his fate
Dr. Chancellor is either a colossal fail
ure or the most sinned against man of
prominence that ever came into our
midst. Frankly we do not know which.
But this we do know ana we speak Of il
with no feeling of pride-that I'm Dr.
Chancellor's fan the new system OF board
management, from which we expected so
much and have received so little in prac-
teal harmonious results, is sure to
fall under Congressional displeasure and
prolong the disagreeable chapter in
definitely. And more's the pity.
DIT. a. T. Stuart is now in charge Of
the schools he is a capable superin-
tendent but his appointment is tempo
rary Why temporary? Why further ex-
Fermentation?
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06
The Corkscrew and the Kentuekian

The CoTkscTew and the Kentuckian
A moving tale Of high life in Louisville
comes to US through the Courier-Journai.
In the early hours Of a morning. just be-
fore the close Of the holiday season, there
were discovered on the steps Of a house
in Fourth avenue, near Hin street-one Of
the most fashionable localities in the city
"a cOrkscrew and a derby hat The hat,
while obviously new the previous day.
was now smashed in at the top, as if a
heavy weight had been placed on it and
pressed down. Around the keyhole OF
the door leading into the house there
were scratches and tiny indentauons, and
a great silence brOOded over all
Reading this much of the Courier Jour
nails account of the sad affair, the Sher-
lock Holmes within us yawns, awakes,
stretches itself, and gets on the job. We
at once deduce that the corkscrew and
the derby hat belonged to a man; that
the damage to the paint and yamsh
around the keyhole resulted from the
said man attempting 10 use the corkscrew
as key; and that the new derby hat,
having been laid aside while the warm
and arduous labor OF its owner was in
progress, was crushed by his foot. when,
becoming tired and disgusted ecause of
his lack Of success at the kEFhoIe, he
dropped his implement. turned, passed
wearily down the steps with his heavy
load, aud sought surcease from sorrow
elsewhere. For such is life in a large
city.
Thus far, perhaps, the grounds on
which our deductions are based are more
or less patent to any reader of average
intelligence. But now we shall go deeper
into the mystery. We assert. without
fear Of successful contradiction. that he
Of the derby hat and corkscrew was not
q native Kentuckian. and that he had
not been long in Louisville. The posses
sion of the CoTkscreW doubtless would
cause one of an ordinary. shallow mind
to arrive at the opposite conclusion, but
we are not to be misled We know that
a real Kentuckian would carry cork
screw, but we also know that with its
assistance he could open anything he en-
countered, from a bottle of soda pop to
freight car loaded with wire nails. from
a Jackpot TO a Democratic national con-
vention. The failure of the unknown
hero-or is he a villain?-of the Courier
Journals story to accomplish the purpose
of his assault on the keyhole proves CON
clusively that he was a rank uitlan5er.
IT, as seems apparent, our Louisville
contemporary IS really anxious to estab-
hsh the identity of the person who left
the corkscrew and the hat behind, we Of
fer these suggestions with our best
wishes and a feeling of certainty that
they will aid materially in the quest
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06
Negro Mischief Makers.

From the Hartford CouTant
The men whom the negroes of this
country have most to dread nowadays
are not tile Tillmans and Vardamans.
but the professional agitators Of their
own race and color. Some of these. We
notice-Trotter, the Boston negro editor,
and two or three kindred spirits-have
now planned a national negro conference
AT Philadelphia. April Z. 10 make de
mands' upon the political parties, whose
national conventions viii assemble a few
months later. In their call they speak
of the Roosevelt administration as a
'czar0cTatic regime and say that il has
assumed a "notoriouslys hostile attitude
toward citizens of color" Tire less the
sensible. industrious negroes have TO do
with these misChief-makeTs and their con-
ference the better for them.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06
Optimism succeeding Disaster.

From the New York Mail.
The normal American mood reasserts it
self. and so declares that normal condi-
tions are in process Of restoration. 1t is
not the manifestation Of a blindness that
will not face facts, or a shalloWness that
cannot count the cost. or the gamblers
instinct that is reckless of the cost. It is
simply the exercise of pTodigious hope
fulness that is based on prodigious ener-
gy- The unassailabie gains OF that energy
are seen I'm sound underlying conditions.
and in the tradition that opens wide the
door Of opportunity on this continent.
Whether in correcting social ills or NOV
ing forward TO new material cOnquests.
Americans are constructive Optimists.
Marking time is not in their nature nor
in their philosophy.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

From the Philadelphia Record.
One element Of the controversy over the
appointment Of surgeon to the COM
mand of a naval hospital ship should not
be overlooked. 1t is provided in the
Geneva convention that hospital ships in
order to preserve their neutral character
should have a noncombatant officer in
command. This is a requirement which a
naval officer of the line could fulfill in
time of war The rule established for
army relief ships that they should be
under command of medical staff officer
aided by a competent civilian master
mariner answers the requirements Ad-
miral Brownson's rule that only line Off
GERS be put in cGTan@4a would not be in
compliance with them at ali.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

From the Portland OTegOnian.
WHO caused the panic? II was the
gambling magnates who ran riot in their
speculations with trust funds, When the
country found out what they were doing,
naturally people were frightened. 1t is
not a pleasant discovery to learn that the
larger fraction OF the nations funds is
being handled by reckless plungers who
are restrained neither by law nor con-
science When the country found out
what these gentry were doing with the
funds of the savings banks. insurance
companies, and trust companies, a wave
of fear swept from ocean to ocean
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06
ADMIRAL sAwBoNEs' CRUISE.

At the Amy and Navy Club in Washington the
following verses are causing amuseElent.
The good vessel Iceberg.
The finest afoat
Had Admirh Sawbones
Command ug the boat
While thest were his duties,
With man, a kick
Great Admira. Bovine
Looked after the sick.
Though all Of The potions
He faithfully tried,
Beneath his attention.
The sich men all died.
But little It mattered-
Just then with a shock
Great Admiral SsWbones
Ran onto q rock.
New York EFening Post.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

Mr. Richmond Pearson HObsOns latest
proposition is quite unique, and calcu-
lated to cause considerable talk, If moth
ing more ever comes Of il. It seems never
TO have occurred before to any one that
a sort of court journal" might be a good
thing for "Uncle Sam" and it might
never have occurred to any one. had not
Mr.. Hobson, fortunately been sent to
Congress.
We can see how court journal of a
certain variety might be very interest
ing and perhaps highly instructive pub
lication; it might also be made very
amusing. if Il told us the truth. the
whole truth, and nothing but the truth
about such things as the Hartman
Roosevelt controversy. the Bellamy Storer
incident. nature takers. undesirable citi-
zens, Quentin's sweetheart, and "Petes''
innate and natuTal-born perverseness. we
can readily imagine its broad field Of
usefulness and endeavor. We have no
sort of doubt that the circulation of such
a sheet would boom TO beat the band"
Everybodv would want it. and il could
easily be sold at a fancy price in case
the white paper trust became so op-
pressive that its free circulation grew to
be impractlcable.
When it comes. however. 10 the issue
Of a publication under government con-
troll having for its object the dissemina-
ton Of departmental stun for the delec-
tation of an all too gullible public-es-
pecially during a Presidential year-we
begin 20 grow cold In contemplation of
the Congressman's idea. We fear large
amount of matter would get into the
Alabamian's paper that would not bear
the light of close scrutiny, and that de-
spite his perfect sincerity and honest in
tent. Partisan matter is TO be excluded.
says the gallant hero of the Merrmac.
Indeed. and how; with partisans in charge
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06
The Inheritance Tax.

From the Boston Transcript
The fact that the inheritance tax is al
ready employed by thirty-six of the
American States. constitutes in itself a
weighty reason against the adoption Of
this tax by the national government, ex-
cept under the most urgent revenue con-
sderations. Until the national govern
ment imperatiyely requires this tax as a
means of revenue it would seem well to
leave it exclusively to the State govern
ments Its adoption by the national gov
ernment would violate the principle of
separation of revenue for the two govern
mental jurisdictions, State and national
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

From the Springfield Republican.
Inc railroads viii not be acting out Of
harmony with their position under the
accepted policy of the nation If they make
a united effort to secure the repeal of
the Federal antitrust law in so far as il
Is held applicable 10 themselves. They
are now recognized as q monopoly subject
to public control and no longer an indus
try within the reach of competitive infiu-
ences capable of imposing an adequate
measure of restraint
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06
DR.. stancrd,s Death.

From the baltimore News.
The death of Rev. d. J. Stafford leaves
q void that will not soon be filed. Dr..
Stafford not only attained an eminent
place as a faithful priest and an eloquent
divine, but his intellectual accomplish
ments were Of highly diversified ma
ture and his pleasing personality was
such as to make him friends wherever he
appeared. Dr. Staffords death will be
especially mourned In Baltimore, where
he was widely known.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

From the Baltimore American.
The governor Of New York in his mes
sage recommends the abolition of betting
at race tracks. With the nation gradually
growing dry, and race track gambling fol-
lowing the drinking habit into forced re-
tirement, the new year is beginning the
real thing In reform with an emphatic
bang.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES.
From the birmingham Age Herald
THE OLD ORDER CHkNGFTU

From the Birmingham Age Herald.
THE OLD ORDER CHANGETH.
Dry
And ali about. around,
No merry sound.
No laughter and applause
No anything. because
The town is dry.
Dry
Full sadly they depart,
Skilled in the mixers art
Cordial barkeepers who
Are feeling rather blue
And prone 10 cry,
Dry,
That's II, and nothing more!
The soda water store
Shall kaye its little day
oh. come let us away
And heaye a sigh,
Dry
Dry as powder horn.
Never since We were born
ftaS anything Ike this
l. er come 10 pass, you Wis
Beneath the sky,
Dry
And yet, it is not quite
So. On the closing night
Wise men laid in. We hear,
Enough 10 alst a year
All they could buy,
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06
sound RnsIness Sense.

From the New York Tribune
There seems to be sound sense behind
the suggestion that Congress authorize
receive certified checks in payment of
dues instead of insisting on cash pay
ments. The government would be only
accommodating itself thereby to current
and modern methods Of business.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06
RenI American snunls.

From the Philadelphia Record.
The American bride whose lord OF a
husband picked up her Pomeranian pup
and threw il against the wall is disap-
pointing, What the average healthy
American wants TO hear is that some
American bride has picked up her puppy
of lord and spoiled the wallpaper with
him.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

From the Providence Journal.
The Boston speech serves, then, to Ink
the Secretary Of War more firmly than
ever with the Roosevelt policies. He is
the authorized representative of MIR
Roosevelts interests, the guaranteed
anti-reactionary candidate.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06
Extreme NeHxness.

Il have something new in the way Of
a plot for a farce"
"As to hoW?"
The action hinges on a case Of mis-
taken identity"
I'm afraid that's a little too new"
sighed the manager as he motioned the
boy to open the door.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

From the New York Evening Post
Let no compAcent Republican imagine
that Ii will be a holiday affair to defeat
Mr.. Bryan. An opposing candidacy die
tated by the administration, by means
of the army Of Federal employees, would
put powerful weapon into his hands.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

lege, and at Co
IN m b ia n Law
School, Washing
ton. d. G. His
rowing nature as
serted itself, and
before graduation
he took the exami-
nation, was ad-
mitted to the bar
by the Supreme
Court Of the Dis
trict Of Columbia,
and went to san
Francisco. He Ie-
mained there in
active practice un-
I'll 1855, when he
made a n o [ Ii e r
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

Mr.. John d. Rockefeller has given the
University of Chicago about S2A0O0.M0, all
told And yet Uncle Sam. who has
been awfully good to John D.. can't coll
lect a bill Of but slightly more than
that
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06
Musings.

Ali things are comparative" mused a
New Year philosopher some men would
consider 1900 year an ample amount
for cigarette money"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
LAsT CALLt

ssfa y AAkaAs
All aboard on the Dry Line!
But bring along no rum.
We're going down
To Swearof Town
To stay awhile, by guml
All aboard on the Dry Line
We've room, and some TO spare
The first stop viii
BE Seitzeryille.
We drop our smoker there.
All aboard on the Dry Line!
Into the coaches pile.
We're going down
To SWearof Town
To stay & little while.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

Mr. Bonaparte is running gum-shoe
canvass to make himself President-why
not2" inquiries the Jacksonville Times
Union. Why not. indeed? If he enjoys il,
certainly it can do no harm.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

i am going TO play Hamlet"
Good, That's art"
For one night only
'Ah, that's judgement.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06
A Democratic Wnrninr-

From the Charleston News and Courier.
Before going TO the Denver convention.
ii is well 10 remember that the State has
many lady Democrats, and that it viii
be leap year.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06
fardIN.

A reformer says one way 10 solve the
servant problem is to put yourself in her
place"
In that case you wouldn't need a SER
want girl"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06
More PHILOSOPHY.

"The world is full Of stumbling blocks
for those who try
And tumbling stocks for those who
buy"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06
An OLD CnupIef.

But if II be not square for me
Why, what care I how square 1t be2
.(signed) StoreT
Whitney
Long
&c., &c.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06
CAPITOL GOSSIP.

Senator Francis Griffin Newlands, Of
Nevada. is native OF way down in
old Mississippi" The Senator has fitted
around some, having studied at Yale Col
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

It is beginning to dawn upon certain
eminent .'reformers" that even so ex-
citing and winning Il game as railroad
batting may be carried too far
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06
Just so.

Well, sir: the minute that everybody
began 10 shout he went right up in the
air
You don't say so.'
Yes; I'm speaking Of an aeronaut"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

ferson." And that appears TO be the only
thing about which the South was par
ticular.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

Another American heiress wants to get
rid OF her worthless noble" husband
These gentlemen come high but we sup
pose our sirls with the coin must have
an experience with them.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

The criticisms Of the new $50 gold piece
are not nearly SO marked as we're those
Of the new so gold piece. II would take
"a cast-iron nerve 90 criticise "a so gold
piece, anyhow.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06
Give the Germ Its Due.

From the Chicago News
We should not lay the results of our
over eating on the grip germ. 1t has
crimes enough Of its own.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06
The Best Of AL

What is the greatest reward. you ask2
To live in sweet content
And look far back through the golden
years
On a lowly life well spent.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

The Montgomery Advertiser speaks Of
"the curly and blackheaded 'possum-fed
widows" Of that city. We suppose the
Advertiser means "kinky" rather than
curly"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06
a Grnnd stnnnede.

Il went to. an amateur grand opera
last night"
How was the score?'
THE bass drummer seemed to have
safe lead when left"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

To be sure, Judge Gray is fine man.
and would make a very dignifed candi-
date for the Presidency; but might not
the denomination Of Judge Parker be
urged for exactly the same reason?
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

Pennsylvania has determined TO reform
the tomato catsup sold in the State
There is no telling Pennsylvania may
get around 10 her politicians yet
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

we have been wondering why The
Washington Herald seemed so certain of
the collapse of the Taft boom. We are
pleased to see that it has changed its
mind says the Atlanta Journal. The
queer things the Journal sees are often
quite beyond the perception Of ordinary
mortals.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

Charles Il. Blaney says there is hard
Is a good villain on the American stage. ."
Would Mr Blaney have "A villain be a
mOllyCOddle2
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

Just as the South had settled back
comfortably and decided that his name
is 'Jeffries" Davis. the Senator comes
out in an interview and says ii is JEFF
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

Portland has a politician named Mr..
Cake, says the Birmingham Age-Herald.
Doubtless he is as fond OF pie as any of
them.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

Caleb Powers, doubtless, suspects he has
managed TO get into the lane that has no
turning, Notwithstanding the prOverb.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

What's the matter with BittersfuH Biz
mlngham. now that prohibition has that
city in its grip
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

"Cheerfulness will cure the grip" says
a physician. Nobody will be able to dis
prove this, as it is impossible 10 DE
cheerful when one has the grip
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

Former Senator Patterson complains
that he was struck on the head while
talking. Doubtless his antagonist knew
it was hopeless thing 10 wait for him
to quit.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06
Rather Harsh.

Il admit the old year may have had its
drawbacks for you"
'WeH?"
"3ut wasn't it a little unkind to cuss it
out?"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

It appears that large number of Geor-
gia saloons viii use Chattanooga as a
hesitating point between their old home
and Cincinnati
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

Mr.. George AIDE may enter politics. but
he can hardly expect his friends to take
him seriously.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

It is safe 10 say the President isn't
going 10 .'swipe" all Of Gov. John 4.
Johns0ns thunder.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06
FACT, NOT FICTION

FACT, NOT FICTION.
A pretty trained nurse.
An aged millionaire
Oh. she is so kind
To him lying there,
A week or so pass,
The patient gets we'll
The unvaTnished truth
Is what / must tell.
The aged millionaire
Goes back 10 his wife.
The pretty trained nurse
Leads the same old life.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

The fact that Chancellor Day has been
discovered to be nursing a sore toe ac-
counts, in large measure, for his persist
ent hOller.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

Evidently. Congressman HobsOn is to
be a fairly good source of newspaper
copy, anyhow.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

The Photographers Union has an oppor-
tunity now to do the country a real serv-
ice. Cut out all reference to the Thaw
trial.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

in France they make flour of cnestnuts
They furnish bread and meat for a num-
Der of people in this country.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

1t is the proposal Of marriage a bache-
Tor doesn't get during leap year that
should put him to thinking.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

"All the worlds a street car" says the
Arkansas Democrat We suppose Tom
Lawson is the fat wheel.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

Don't fellows get wise in a hurry when
they move to Washington" suggests the
Atlanta Georgian. Sure: that's the beauty
of having Mr. Loeb always in cur midst.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-06

Whoopee! The feet got by Venezuela,
and Castro didn't even smell a mouse.