The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1908-02-27
HAS NEVER FAl-4
BREAKFAST FOOD TEST FOR AN
ENGLlsHMAN.
Try This and Be Convinced That
There's Nothing Better to Spring
on 6riton, Masculine
or Feminine.

A young American woman who has
recently married British husband
was holding forth one day to a group
OF friends on the subject of interna
tonal marriage.
Il do love to read all the bosh thaSs
written in the papers about it, she
said they paint dark pictures of the
foreign vulture about to descend on
the American dove, etc, ETC. and dis
course learnedly on the causes OF
failure of most of these marriages, and
it's really the simplest thing in the
world-you've got to use discernment
that's all There are various tests that
can be applied to men OF different
nations, but I'm convinced that there's
nothing better to spring on a Briton
masculine or feminine, than the break
fast-food test.
Il wasn't on to II when married and
It was Algy's sister who unconscious
gave me the tip. She came over to
make us a visit, and | own that | shook
in my boots. She's older than Algy,
you know, by a good deal, and had
a desperate feeling that she disap
proved of everything American, par.
ticularly myself. Algy worked over.
time to persuade me TO the contrary,
but / was used TO our talkytalky
women and quite failed to grasp that
her apparent aloofness might be due
to nothing but shyness.
80 when she asked to be shown
my kitchen | quaked. | bravely rose
to the occasion, however, and led her
thither. She frowned bit at the ice
box and said a meat safe would be
far less extravagant at this time Of
year-she sniffed openly at my gas
range which she was certain was
'smelly'-but her face was a picture
when her eye fell on the cupboard
shelf where the breakfast foods live.
She first asked what they were, and !
volubly explained the different sorts
from sand and shayings through pull
verized hisk-brooms.
"'But surely you don't eat them
she inquired.
"'Surely we do returned val
iantly.
"She gave a sort OF grunt, then
looked from the box she was holding.
"'Does Algernon eat them? she
asked in a Observation-Disclosures
sort Of tone
"'He eats oatmeal / explained and
II was funny to see how relieved she
looked. for she had been distressed TO
death to see him drink coffee at break.
fast in place of the revered and tradi.
tional tea, and suppose she feared
that he was becoming fundamentally
'Amurrican.' But all she said was:
"'Aow, porridge|
"Then a sudden thought occurred TO
me-Td get her TO taste one Of those
breakfast foods. She was holding a
box of crispy sweet sort of things not
unlike popcorn.
Taste IT, Amy l urged; 1t doesn't I
have to be cooked you know, and it's
rather fun to eat it right out OF the
box.
she looked darkly suspicious, then
drew out few fakes, holding them as
II they were slumbering hornets with
q potential sting. But l 'sicked' her on,
and eventually she made the leap. |
waited anxiously, and the suspicious
expression slowly left her face, making
room for one OF rather pleased sur
prise.
mot 80 nawsty," she pronounced,
and smiled at me, and from that mo-
ment we were friends.
i've tried It on lots of English peo-
pie since, and later events have never
failed TO confirm its infallibili,y, for
the unprogresslve, unadaptable f'nd
betrays itself every time. SO II you
want to marry an Englishman, invite
him to breakfast-and try IT," she