davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-12-17
"Naviqates" His Farm.

A story which almost parallels that
told of Capt. Gray, the sailor-farmer
of Teddy Pond, who is said to carry a
compass on his plow to run the fur
rows straight, comes from Cranberry
isles. One sea captain, who enjoys
the proud distinction of owning one
of the very few horses on the island,
got alarmed for fear that he would
lose his bearings in the recent smoke,
and on the veracious accounts of sober
citizens took the pinnacle from the
vessel and strapped it alongside the
seat of his wagon, fearing that the
weather might become so thick that
he would lose his bearings and have
to navigate in what was worse than a
fog. 1t is currently reported that he
shouts at his team to turn to star
board or port, instead of the more
conventional landlubber terms usual
ly employed. - Kennebec (Me.)
Journal
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-12-17
The Public Eve.

In little more we came to an open
space, very thronged.
"The Public Eye" shouted the
megaphone man of our party.
There were some curious people
within the space, but even more curl
GUS were those just outside.
OF these latter we thought certain
women especially interesting; they
were busily neglecting their families
in order to get into the Public Eye A.
pathos attached to another group OF
women who had been in the Public
Eye and could never be happy out of
It, though they couldn't in the least
tell why.
Positively funny were a few men
who kept trying, by variety of droll
devices, to break into the Public Eye.
"Vice-presidential candidates." our
megaphone man explained.--Puck
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-12-17
YOUTHFUL MIND IN DISTRESS
Awful Possibility That Loomed Before
Six-Year-Old Jackie.

Six.year-old Jackie's mother be,
lieved that absolute truthfulness was
the only rock on which to build that
youthful gentleman's character, and
the consistent working out of this
principle did away, of course, with be-
lief in all such things as fairies, Santa
Claus, and other illusions dear to
childish hearts, and they became in
stead 'make-believe" games, Santa
Claus in particular being pet Joke
between his mother and himself.
Jackie came in from play one after
noon much excited and concerned.
Mother, Jimmie Norton believes
there is a really and truly Santa
Claus. He says he is sure that Santa
Claus does come down the chimney.
He wouldn't believe me at all when
l told him it was just a joke" with
rising anxiety.
Jackie's mother was somewhat non
plused. We'll, son." she temporized,
perhaps Jimmie's mother will tell
him the joke some time soon, and
then"
"Oh, / hope she will" broke in
Jackie, forgetting his manners in his
earnestness, because, you know, if
she don't, when Jimmie has little boys
of his own they won't ever get any
Christmas presents"
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-12-17
JONES PUT UP A SUBSTITUTE.
And Incidentally Got Reputation az
AfterDinner Speaker.

IF there is one thing / hate" re-
marked Mr.. Jones, 'it is after-dinner
| speeches. Well once / found myself
at big banquet, where l knew very
few of those present. To my amaze
ment and horror, toward the end of
the festivities, the toastmaster fixed
his eyes upon me.
We have with us tonight |
heard the old, hated formula roll out
unctuously from his lips-and then
my own name-'Mr Jones, the we'll
known etc.
THE toastmaster concluded, but l
made no move to get on my feet.
felt paralyzed; my tongue was seeking
to climb through the roof of my mouth.
"And then the guests, from all sides,
began yelling: Yes, Jones, Jones!-
which is Jones?-where is Jones?'
"A brilliant idea came to me. Sit
ting close beside me was a little man
who dearly loved speechifying. Like
flash / jumped to my feet Jones?
Why, here's Jones' / cried, and
clapped the little Demosthenes on the
shoulder. Then l yanked him to his
feet, murmuring in an ominous sotto
voce: Don't give me away; speak
now!'
Gle spoke And, in the guise OF
myself, he made a most successful
little grafton. There was loud ap-
plause and much shouting of What's
the matter with Jones? He's all
right!
"As for me, slipped wine and gradu-
ally recovered from the nervous shock
occasoned by my narrow escape from
being eloquent"
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-12-17
HE CARRIED THE GOLDFISH HOME
Or, Rather, He Meant to Do 1t, but
Fate Was Against Him.

When Clerk d. P. Conry of the West
hotel won bowl of goldfish in a rattle
he was the produest man in the twin
cities. He bore his prize triumphant
ly into the hotel, and everybody ad
mired the fish. At last someone asked
him what he was going to do with
them.
Unfortunately, Mr.. Conry had not
thought of that before. 1t was wet.
rainy night, and the prospect of carry
Ing home bowl of mixed water and
goldfish was not alluring. A thought
struck him.
I'm going to give them to Louis
Fay" he announced, showing the drip
ping globe at his assistant
"You are not" said Mr.. Fay, backing
away. II don't want them"
Then you just keep them for me to-
night" suggested Mr.. Conry. I'll be
around first thing in the morning"
But Mr. Fay wouldn't do that, either,
unless Mr.. Conry would put the fish in
the safe and take a recipe. This Mr..
Conry hesitated at, because he had
never heard of keeping goldfish in a
safe, so he tried to give the fish to
each of the bellboys in turn, but with
out success, Then he tried the bar
tender, the carpenter, the elevator
boys and the engineer. Nobody want
ed goldfish.
Finally, he had to start home with
them. Few persons, however, have
ever attempted the feat of carrying
a large bowl of goldfish wrapped in
paper, while standing on the platform
of crowded car Mr.. Conry was
showed and pushed and jostled. And
all the time he was getting wetter and
wetter
Seems to me-" he said, that this
is the wettest night l ever saw"
When he got home he prepared to
exhibit his prizes to an admiring cir
Gle. I've got something here" he
said, that will almost tickle you to
death. These are the rarest specimens
of their kind in the whole world. Cost
me $3.50 apiece, just because they
were so rare" Then he unwrapped
the package.
81 don't see anything but a piece Of
a glass bowl" said bystander.
What" calculated Mr.. Conry.
grabbing at the globe.
But that's all it was. Somebody had
knocked the bottom mout.-Minneapolis
Journal
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-12-17
About Happiness.

There is no more beneficial tonic
than good, hearty laughter. 1t in
flates the lungs and has a magic eff.
feet upon the system. Gigglng is not
laughing, and it is habit that brings
wrinkles and soon spoils even a pret-
ty face. Why not laugh? 1t improves
the appearance and makes one popu-
lar. There is nothing to be glum over,
and, If there is, being glum will not
help it. Be happy and bright and
everyone will wish to help you. The
girl who wants to be beautiful must
sleep with fresh air, plenty of it, in
her room. She must go out and revel
in the sunshine. She must find plenty
of laughter in her daily life. That is
the only true way to live and the only
way capable of bringing beauty.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-12-17
Bone Coal as Fuel.

In the tests conducted at the fuel
testing plant at st. Louis, Mo-, and
Norfolk, Va, to determine the values
of different kinds of fuel for use in
the gas-producer, the United States
geological survey obtained some in
teresting results with a bone coal
which is found in West Virginia AL
though the fuel was found to be of lit
tie value under the steam boiler, 1t
gave good results in the gas-producer,
where it developed brake horse-pow-
er for each 1.65 pounds of coal con-
sume9 in the producer. The lun1Ds
of coal We're eight and ten inches in
diameter Some coal consisted of a
high-grade bituminous coal, others ap-
peared to be simply Jumps of heavy
and dry hard rock. All of these Jumps
except the largest, burn entirely
through in the producer. There is no
tendency to clinker or coke, and very
little stocking is required. There was a
high percentage of about 45 per cent
of ash. With proper crushing and suit
able attention the deposits of this fuel
will prove to be decidedly valuable for
producer-gas plants.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-12-17
To Relieve His FEELINGS.

Boldly displayed in black letters on
the white gable of an unpretentious
house on the road to Mount Stuart
Butte, Scotland, is the following in.
scription: THE Materials of This Out.
rage Are for Sale" According to the
local historians, the announcement, as
it stands, is the last word in a duel be.
tween neighbors.
1t is said that the house was built to
obstruct the view of gentleman who
had been successful in getting an In
terdict to prevent the owner from en-
closing the foreshore. But after the
death Of the builder the house came
into the market and was purchased by
the other gentleman, who now seeks
to express his wounded feelings In
paint.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-12-17
PoeticaI Epitaph,

The epitaph collector displayed en-
Enthusiastically the photograph of a Sc
we're and stately marble tomb. "A new
epitaph," he said, "and one of the best
in my collection. 1t is the epitaph of
a body of Indians slain in battle near
Cooperstown. 1t was composed by a
clergyman, W. w. Lord, and l consider
it most poetical"
The epitaph upon the tomb was as
follows:
White Man, Greeting! We, near
whose bones you stand, were Iroquois
THE wide land which is now yours
was ours.
Friendly hands have given back to
US enough for a tomb"
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-12-17
Unsuccessful DIAGNOSIS.

The mans cough grew worse, so he
resorted to the physicians
From the stomach, l think" said
DR.. Simtom.
Pardon me, there is no such thing
as cough from the stomach" an.
Bwered DR.. Modern.
From the effects of vaccination, !
should say" announced DIR. Nature.
Indeed" replied his colleague, DR..
Serum, "let me remind you that lex.
cept tetanus, blood poisoning and
graft, there are no evil effects of
vaccination"
WELL" said DIR. Experiment, ut is
not to be expected that we should all
agree"
"On one thing we are agreed" cried
DR.. Getrox, that is to charge IS
apiece"
But the widow refused to pay.-Life
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-12-17
The Better Part.

A delightful little story is told OF
Prosper Merimee, the French author.
He was once guest at a royal hunt,
when hares, pheasants and other game
were driven before the emperor and
his followers, and the servants picked
up the victims Of the sport.
Among all the members of the hunt
ing party. Prosper Merimee alone had
no trophy to display.
How does this happen?" asked
some one.
Where game is so plenty, the mer-
it of a marksman seems to me to lie in
hitting nothing" replied Merimee,
with grave courtesy, so 7 fired be-
tween the birds Youths Compan-
ion.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-12-17
WARNED BY THE PHOTOGRAPH.
Disciplinary Measure Adopted by
Woman of Sense.

above my desk" said the woman
who does not lie about her age, II
keep an uncomplimentary photograph
of myself. | keep it there as dis
ciplinary measure. 1t prevents friVol-
ity My present Photographic mon
itor makes me look about 70 years
old. | am not 20, but l am more than
half that age, and | look every day
of my actual years. But | don't feel
that old. Gay and giddy exploits still
attract me. Pleasures, diversions, fiirt-
atoms that for a young girl are per-
fectly legitimate, appeal TO me, also,
yet if | should rush into those gay
cites as a girl does my behavior
would be characterized as foolishness.
Every day | hear the actions of wom-
en- younger looking than myself so de-
scribed.
Just look at that old thing, the
critics say. Doesn't she act idio:ic?
Then | come home and study this
photograph. That destroys whatever
inclination | may have had to behave
like a 16-yearold. ] never write
letter to man friend never make
an engagement without keeping an eye
on that photograph.
Don't be a fool says that vera
cious guide. You cant afford to 90
that
so I temper ardent phrases and
tone down ebullient spirits generally"
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-12-17

house he could not have marched in
With more composure. l stood in the
lall behind my husband, listening to
he words of reunion.
wilt, old boy! Give me both
lands" I never heard heartier,
more affectionate voice.
"Confound you, Lucas! You make
ne glad to get you back"
Cant help it, Wilt. l had to come
five years, you know. Where's my
lear little sister. Oh! ! heard Ah!"
This last exclamation was to me as
g stepped forward.
Brother Lucas was the biggest.
,roadest, heartiest, rosiest man you
an imagine, and not at all evil look
ng. His high arched eyebrows over
he shrewd, hazel eyes, gave him a
ook of constant surprise; his clean
;haven lips possessed comcal twist
lis chin was round and belligerently
prominent. 1t was a face of humor
md good-natured defiance. He might
re bad as the world reckons; careless,
eckless, but never mean. / trusted
m at sight and liked him.
The appetite of Lucas made me
remble, although I did not begrudge
i'm a mouthful. He was very merry,
nd talked like a lecturer. His easy
onfidence, his manners, his wonderful
ommand of language, impressed me
'eeply. Could this man have been a
iminal, a Jail bird? l would not be-
eve 1t.
Shortly after eight came the trunk
f Brother Lucas, hard looking af-
air with a rope about it.
PAY the expressman, Wilt" said
brother-in-law jovially. "Tll make
t right by and by"
Poor Wilton! 1t was only a quarter,
ut he produced the coin with a wry
ace. Evidently our guest hadn't a
emmy.
Lucas retired early. He was singing
Angeline" to the baby at six in the
1orning. His delightful baritone sent
lie to sleep again with Kathleen Ma
ourneen." While dressing, | heard
conversation in the road.
Ramsgate had arrived. The social
lucas was holding forth beside his
wagon. l hurried and went down. In
talked the farmer, all smiles.
How many eggs can you spare?" /
ut the question nervously.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-12-17
k:l~eN~ss-~-sN~ss-~sstN~es--ss1N-si5
s THE STORY OF !
/ BROTHER LUCAS s
By ELLIOT WALKER
Ss-Vtt~~sssst t,~~ss-<1ts-~s-HH,.G
By ELLIOT WALKER
s>~~-es-,it.es~ss-%Jl>s.se-~1st
Copyright, by Ford Pub. co.,

Never shall | forget my husbands
facial contortions when he read that
telegram. Wilton has an expressive
countenance.
Threatened with assassination"
asked.
'Worse!" he grunted. Brother Lu,
cast"
| had heard of but had never seen
this family black sheep. He received
no invitation to our wedding; that
remember.
Not coming here?" | gasped
Read it," said Wilton, sinking back
helplessly.
Reaching for the Dispatch | present
iy glanced at his pithy and poetic
message:
BE with you, dear Wilton, tonight.
There is more joy, etc. Brother"
1t struck me humorously | laugh
easily.
He might have paid the charges |
complained, biting my lip. I'VE had
very little money"
He never pays anything groaned
Wilton. Except visits was his
nournful addition.
1t is five years since he has pes
tered me-" he went on. The last |
earned, he wrote to mother from
some place in New Mexico. We fond
Iy hoped he would stay there-even
mother. Dear met. Angeline, this is
dreadful"
rs he so very Objectionable"
MY dear, he's awful"
/ stopped smiling.
But, after ALL" Wilton's refined,
critical face softened "one can't help
liking Lucas. He's funny. Too bad.
700 bad So much ability, and a
really fine education. Well, the west
,rn express will land him here about
seven O'clock l suppose. We will wait
supper. He used to be fond of
scrambled eggs. His appetite is enor-
nous"
| sighed. Eggs were high, and my
armer's bill growing nightmare
At five minutes after seven Brother
Lucas arrived. Had he owned the
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-12-17
Legal Amenities.

Several decades ago there lived in
Charleston, w. Va, a Judge noted for
his boorish manners. A very finical
lawyer whom he especially disliked
was once trying case before him, and
all the while the barrister spoke the
judge sat with his feet elevated on
the railing in front of him hiding his
face.
Exasperated by this the lawyer
Queried:
May | ask which end of your honor
/ am to address?'
Whichever you choose" drawled
the Judge.
We'll" was the retort, Il suppose
there is as much law in one end as
the other"
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-12-17
BORE LOVE LOCK OF EMPEROR.
Coin Struck During Napoleon MS
Reign Now Valuable.

There is singular story in con-
nection with coin Of The third Napo-
leon While Louis Napoleon was
prince president of France, just
before he made himself emperor, a
decree was issued ordering fiye-franc
piece to be coined bearing his
image.
The dies were made, and one coin
was struck off as a sample and sent
to the prince president for his ap-
proval. But some time passed before
he examined it. When at last he gave
it his attention he was annoyed to find
that he had been represented On the
coin with a love lock. or hooked lock
Of hair on the temple, which he act
ually did wear at that period but
which he thought unsuitable to so dig
nified and permanent a representa-
ton of himself as an efigy on a
coin.
The prince president sent for The
director of the mint and ordered him
to remove the love lock. Then he
found that his silence with regard to
the piece had been taken for approval.
and that the stamping of the coins had
begun. The work was stopped and
the image deprived of its undignified
lock. But the % coins that had al
ready been struck off were NOT de-
stroyed and are now regarded as of
great value.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-12-17
Small Bows Adaptation,

Things aren't always what they
sound remarked that very clever
devil, Edwin Stevens, in Henry Saw
ages production, as he drew a patent
leather shoe over his cloven hoof. "A
teacher of my kid days put this puzzle
to us once:
Now, boys, the word stan" at the
end of word means place Of" Thus
we have Afghanistan, the place of AZ
ghans; also Hindoostan, the place of
the Hindoos. Now, can any one give
me another instance?
Yes, SIR said the smallest boy,
proudly, I can-umbrellastan, the
place for umbrellas"
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-12-17
Indisputabte.

Two tourists on personally con
Quoted tour were overheard talking
together in the window of a Florence
hotel overlooking the Arno.
This does not look to me like Ven
ice" said the first. Il do not see q
single gondola."
mo" admitted her companion, but
1t must be Venice. You know we were
to be in Venice on Wednesday -
Harpers Monthly.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-12-17
Ups and Downs.

'Matrimony has its ups and downs"
remarked the scanty haired benedict.
What's the answer" queried the
confirmed bachelor
1T keeps the wife busy trying to
keep up appearances and the husband
busy trying to keep down expenses"
replied the other with large, open
face sigh.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-12-17
Inconsistent.

II actually felt sorry for you when
you proposed to me-"
Your actions and your statements
don't seem to show that you care much
for the truth"
I'D like to know why? l did feel
sorry for you"
"Yet you married me."-Houstor
Post.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-12-17

Earnest Female-Professor, / hear
you are a great ornithologist.
Professor am an ornithologist,
madam.
Earnest Female-Then corld you
kindly tell me the botanical name for
o whale?
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-12-17
Nervy.

II wanted some lump sugar" ex-
claimed the angry customer, as he
looked oyer the packages What does
that grocer mean by sending me soft
sugar?"
We'll" laughed the grocer's boy.
as he moved nearer the door, "he said
IL you didn't like it you could lump it"
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1908-03-05
Man Believed to Be Friend Of
Avenbach Suddenly Disap-
pears From Fort Dodge
RECEIVES WARMING AND LEAVES
Evidently Anticipated That Police
Would Round UP All the "Reds"-
First Sends Warning to Des Moines
Friend-came From Same Place as
Shippy's AssaiIant.
Special to Tines-Republican.

Fort Dodge. March 5.-Fort Dodge
has. apparently, been entertaining an
anarchist of the same type as the
young man who assaulted Chief of Po-
lice Shippy in Chicago, and who was
slain by the chief. 1t appears that
these anarchists are possessed of Sc
cret means of communication.
There is report current here to
the effect that a young man who had
been here for couple of days past, and
who is known to be a rabid anarchist,
received warning of the attack of
Chief Shippy, almost as soon as the
tragedy occurred. and was soon after
wards warned of the expected round
up of the reds" in Chicago.
No sooner had the last warning
been received than he called up q
friend at Des Moines who is affiliated
in the movement and warned him to
leave the city at once, and following
the advice given his friend. he de-
parted from Fort Dodge on the first
interurban car. AS the would be as
sassin of Shippy had been in this
country but short time. and came
from near the same location as the
man who visited here. people are in
clined to the belief that they might
have been acquainted.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1908-03-05
RABIES AMONG STOCK
State Neterinaries Called to
Boone County to Inspect
Herd of Hogs
MANY BITTEN By MAD DOG
Development Of Disease Result of Scare
of Several Weeks Aso-Infected AMI
mails Placed Under Quarantine
Meat of Slaughtered Hogs Con-
demned.
MANY BITTEN BY MAD DOG
Of Disease Result of Scare
Special to Times-Republican.
demned.

Special to Times-Republican.
Boone March Reconsideration
reigns among the farmers of ColfaX
township, in this county. case OF
of George Rockwell three miles south
of Ericsson in Colfax township and pre-
cautions are taken to prevent a spread
of the disease. DR.. W. II. McLain OF
this city, was called Sunday afternoon
to inspect a herd of hogs, and after
making an inspection he in turn sum-
moned the assistant state veterinar-
ian. DR. d. +. Baughman, of Fort
Dodge, who came and verified the
diagnosis of the Boone doctor.
A story of this case will prove In
teresting. About thirty days ago Mr..
Rockwell had a dog kill thirty head
of chickens and bite thirteen head of
hogs, literally tearing their ears off.
The owner of the stock thought the
dog mad and had him shot. 1t was
during the severe blizzard at that
time and the dog escaped after two
loads had been discharged at him. He
could not be pursued on account of
the drifting snow and it is thought
that he persisted in a snow bank in
that part of the county. Mr.. Rockwell
Immediately isolated the thirteen
hogs from the rest of the herd and
nothing new in the case developed.
Later one of the hogs developed a
we'll defined case of the rabies, and
died last Monday. 1t was for this
hog that DIR. McLain and the assist
ant state veterinarian We're called.
Meanwhile on Saturday Mr.. Rockwell
had butchered two of his hogs and
members of the family had eaten a
portion of the meat. DR.. McLain al
once condemned this meat and it
was destroyed The doctor saw that
more sickness might ensue and so
took every precaution and put the
place under quarantine. The dog it
is said ran among the cattle and it
may be that some of them We're bitten
by the dog before he was killed. The
situation is now pretty we'll under the
control of DR. McLain and it is hoped
that nothing more serious will develop.