Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1908-11-06
The S;;uru Tellrr.
l FUNNY BACK
WOODS MARRIAGE
Bv the Minister'S Wife.

received a summons to Burks settle
nent to unite couple in the holy
bonds Of wedlock, and 1t was especially
'equested that his wife should accom-
any him, as he would be expected to
tay all night and join in the festivi-
ties. It was twenty miles to the settle
ment, and we reached the log house OF
IT. Burk the father Of the prospective
bride, about noon. A dozen tow-headed
children were at the door waiting our
arrival, and they telegraphed the news
nstantly-"Marm, marin! here's the
elder and his woman! They're moth
ing but folks; she's got mans hat on
md turkey wing on front Of it! His
lose is just like dads-crooked as a
cow horn squash" Alas, for Mr.. Nor
sons aquiline nose, Of which he was
l little vain. Sam" cried a snrill fe-
male voice from the interior Of the cab
in, run quick and catch the old roos-
'er and I'll have him in the pot in a
iffy. Sal, you quit that churn and
weep the floor. Kick that corn dodger
rnder the bed. Bill, you wipe that tai
er off'n the cheer for the elders wife
md be mighty spry about IL too"
further comment was cut short by our
>ntrance.
Mrs. Burk, in a calico short-gown,
1lue petticoat and bare feet came for
ward wiping her face on her apron.
How dye do elder? How dye do,
narm? Must 'scuse my head-haint
lad a chance to comb it since last week
work must be did you know; power
rul sharp air, amt it? Shoe there!
Gill drive that turkey out'n the bread
rough, will yer? Sal, take the baby's
.hings. Set right up to the fire marm.
lands cool? Wei, jest run 'em through
Bills ha'r; we keep it long for the pur-
Oose.
Bill presented his shaggy, red head,
but I declined with an involuntary
shudder. "Lawk, if she amt actiwally
shiverin," cried Mrs. Burk; bring in
some more wood. Here, marm, take
this hot corn dodger in yer lap-its
good as a soap-stun." At this juno
ture a fearful squall announced the ex-
?cution of the doomed rooster, and
;hortly afterward he was bouncing
about in a four quart kettle, hung over
the fire. Sal returned to her churn,
but in the excitement, due to this un-
2recedented occasion, she upset it, and
the milk went swimming out over the
floor. Grab the ladle, Bill" cried Mrs.
B., and help dip it up. Take keer!
Don't put that snarl Of har in. Strange
how nasty boys will be! Dick, do keep
,our feet outn the butter milk, or It
Won't be fit for the pigs, when tn but
ters gathered. Drive that hen out,
quick! She's picked up pound a.
ready-there, Sal-now try and be a
leetle careful-if you are gwine to be
Spliced termorrer yer needn't run crazy
lbout it." You better dry up" an
swered the bride elect, humping away
at the churn. BY the time had fairly
warmed, dinner was ready, and you
nay be sure l did not injure myself by
rver eating. Night came on early, and
rfter a social discussion Of the event
the morrow, I signified my wish to
"etire. Sal lighted a pitch knot and
Neyan climbing a ladder in one corner
If the room. hesitated, "Come on"
she said, don't be afraid. Sam, Bill,
Dick, and all the rest of you duck yer
leads while the elders wife goes up!
Look out for the boards, marin, and
mind. or you'll smash your brains out
against the beam! Take keer of the
hole whar the chimbly comes through"
The warning came too late. I caught
NY foot on the end of a board, stum-
led. and fell headlcng through what
seemed to me interminable space, but
t proved to be only the room which
had left. where 1 was fortunately saved
from broken or dislocated bones, by
Bill, who caught me in my descent, and
setting me on my feet, remarked, cool
ly: Yer better take the ladder next
time"
1t was duly commiserated and at last
night the better for Bill, Dick and 9TH
ers slept in the same room with us and
made the air vocal with their snoring.
At last l fell asleep and was dreaming
Of being fired from a columbiad, when
my husband awakened me with the in
formation that it was morning. The
marriage was to take place before
breakfast, and Sally was alreay dressed
ir her bridal robes when l descended
the ladder She shone magnificent in
green calico over crinoline which dis
played itself in several places fully
four inches below, a white apron with
red strings, blue stockings, q yellow
neck ribbon and white cotton gloves.
Her reddish hair was fastened in pug
behind, lavishly adorned with the tail
feathers Of the defunct rooster. When
il was announced that Lem Saunders,
the groom, was coming, Sal dived be-
corner of the room to conceal sundry
pots and kettles and refused to come
forth. Mr.. Saunders lifted one corner
Of the curtain and peeped in, but quick
ly reueated on Sally's sharply advising
him ito mind his own business"
. Lemuel's quaint form was clad in a
suit of blue with brass buttons which
had been made for his grandfather on
a similar occasion. His hair was stiffiy
creased with tallow, and his feet en-
cased in skin pumps. Very soon the
wedding guests began to arrive and the
room was we'll filled. Now elder"
cried the jubilant bridegroom, drive
ahead; I'm able to pay for having the
job done up nice, do you hear? Come,
Father Bunk. trot out YOUR gal"