The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1908-09-23
TT rs EMBARRASSING.
SITUATIONS THAT ARE AGONIzING TO
MRS. COUNTRIFiED.


Nice Things mt Home, h Ever
Changing Etiquette Of h Swell
City Dinner Her.
sit was splendid, " she exclaimed, her
checks aglow and her eyes bright with e1-
element. "Sevcn courses-not counting
the oyster cocktail to begin with-and I
never made a misstroke with fork or knife,
and there was no end of brand new nipple
ments too. I came near making a terrible
miscue, though, with the oyster cocktail.
You see, the dining room was rather dark,
being lighted only with pink shaded can.
dies, and in the gloom the cocktail looked
Just like o sherbet. I couldn't imagine, OF
course, what a sherbet was doing there at
that time, but it was not mine to reason
why, and so I plunged boldly in, resolved
to do or die with the first weapon that
seemed at all fitted to meet the sherbet
emergency, and I came d~readfully near to
dying with modification. For q fraction
Of. a second I hesitated between q long,
slim handled spoon and a short, fat, gold
lined one, and then, with what l consider
ed marvellous forethought, / decided the
long, slim handled one could better be
spared for future contingencies and select
ed the short, fat one. And l was just tot
tering on the brink Of that cocktail with
1t in my fingers when I looked up and be-
held the hostess eating hers with an oyster
fork. My arm actually was palsied, / was
so stunned, and I had great difficulty in
making anything like my usual dexterous
lightning change I didn't fully recover
from the shock until well into the soup.
But the best part of the luncheon, aft
or all, was that there was another country
relation there besides myself. She sat right
opposite me, poor thing, and I just gloated
over her misery. If anything, she was
more of q freshman than I because she had
not been graduated from the waiting to
see what others do stage, and with each
new course placed before her I could see
the terrible mental struggle that was 60
ing on and knew just how her mind was
being torn with doubts between the long
tined fork for the entree and the short
thin one for the salad. Oh, 1t was pitiful
the way her poor little country relation
fingers trembled over the kSives and forks
and spoons. I knew she felt just the way
you do when you watch the dentist hunt
ing around among his tools for some new
instrument to torture you with. Really /
sympathized with her from the bottom Of
my heart, but I could not resist the temp
tation to lead her astray once or twice, and
honestly 1t was the best kind ot q lesson,
for it will teach her the folly Of tho wait
.oo rulot ofha~o do hohif Thof Il
such O weak, vacillating policy, you know,
that really by tho time the salad Is reached
you haven't q mind Of your own left, and,
besides, 1t demands such an unrelenting
surveillance over the other guests that
your tongue, which should be your most
powerful ally in c~oncealing your igno-
rance, is effectually bridled, and the mark
of the country relation is branded upon
you as certainly as though you had looked
at some dish the butler was serving and
had refused to take any-and that reminds
me Of how I once forgot the exception to
the rule and did something atrociouslJ
worse.
ut was some time ago, when 1t was the
custom to pass great heaping baskets OF
fruit. 1t was altogether a decorative
course, and the guests were expected to
take q grape or two or q fresh fig with
which the basket was ornamented and
leave the foundation Of larger fruit undls.
turbed. AS I saw the basket making the
circuit Of the table I was SO overcome with
fear that an orange would be thrust upon
me and that I would not know the latest
method Of dissecting it, that when the
butler finally reached me and I SOW a big
yellow banana exposed I grabbed for 1t
r%avenously, as though I had not tasted
food in weeks. / happened to be almost
the last one, and as I glanced up I saw In
an instant what I had done. There were
all the other guests daintily nibbling at q
tiny grape or q fig and there was that
CHASTITY, hideous, awful banana In 'front.'
of me.
"Iwas younger then, and I presume my
imagination was more highly keyed up.
at any rate that banana held me In a hor.
rible spell-fascinated me. I couldn't get
my mind away from 1t. And as I sat there,
with my eyes glued upon 1t, 1t seemed to
change into q horrible, monstrous, grin.
ming thing that leered at me and taunted
me with my poor country bred manners
"Of course it was q trivial, insignificant
thing, and I doubt whether any Of the
guests noticed 1t at oil, but I had been an
.tic1pating and dreading that luncheon sc
long and my nerves were so overweight
that when the affair was all over and the
hat; ul thing had been removed I actually
on the verge Of nervous prostration,
and I registered q VOW that never as long
as I lived would I be enticed away from
my own humble table again.
"Oh, Of course you who live upon such
dinners every day Of your lives, the young
woman went on, noticing for the first time
the look Of polite a1nazement on her visit.
or's face, cannot appreciate the state OF
mind of q country bred woman In moder~
ate circumstances when she receives an
invitation to q large dinner party from
one of her city friends, but 1t is the event
of the year to her-the thing most to be
looked forward to and dreaded. She q not
an ignorant nor an Ill bred woman, and
she has lots Of pretty things of her own at
home, but in the rural environment In
which she lives 1t Is impossible for her to
keep up on all the newest dishes and the
methods Of serving them at a fashionable
course dinner, and when she goes to one
and commits no conspicuous blunder she
Is naturally elated, just as I am. I must
confess, though, that the times when I
have felt proud of myself have more than
been offset by the thought Of the glazing
mistakes I and the other nambers OF my
have made. Now York Press.
Your Name and Address In a Letter.
Make o practice of signing your name
In full; 1t is the digniied way. And II you
have not given your address in the begin
ming, be sure you do it at the close OF your
Jattors To date 1ot ters Ia q pood habit, but