davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR. From the New York Press.

From the NeW IOTK TTeSS'
 The best way not to spend your money foolishly Is not to have it to spend.
 The reason girl will fiirt with man is it's her mothers fault for telling her not to.
 From the way man acts over having a rich son-in-law you'd think he had made 1t himself
 A woman can nearly always like man if he knows how to have his photograph taken in a pose he would be ashamed to have his friends see.
 When man tries to make love to his wife she'd better be suspicious that he's getting ready to break the news to her that he's going on fishing trip.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04
SMOOTHING IT OVER.

From the Chicago Tribune.
 rrota 1ndividual-Tm going to square matters with you right now' You've been telling it around that I lie!
 The Other Man-Nothing of the sort. All have said about you Is that you are habitually unveracous.
 Irate Individual (calming down)-Oh. l don't mind that, if that's all. acknowl- edge I do get that way once In a while. But how can a fellow help 1t when every bodv insists on treating him?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

bingham Age-Herald And the ladies promptly took the queue. Beaumont Enterprise: Breakfast foods ought to be dirt cheap next winter after our bumper harvests are in the market" gays the Birmingham Age-Herald. This is doubtful, however, with the saw mills all idle.
 Jackson News: Any picture of fat man in the newspapers these days is like fly fell out of a window" says the Bir- mingham Age-Herald. Perhaps, but any picture of thin man these days is not likely to be Charley Fairbanks.
 Washington Herald: An Arkansas couple fell in love on the train. had the train stopped and were married" says Paul Cook in the Birmingham Age Herald. Our guess is there was no kick among the passengers because of the de- lay.
 Atlanta Georgian: If women shaved more of them would swear" says the sassy person, Paul Cook, in the Birming ham Age-Herald And if men wore merry widow lids, sheath gowns and-and-guess the cussln' vocaoularly would have some important additions.
 Washington Herald: with joyful cry, Here's papar an entire Philadelphia fam fly fell out of a windows" says the Bir- mingham Age-Herald. That of course. was an unnecessary demonstration of joy, but we are willing to bet anything we pos sess that that fellow is all rightI
 Houston Post: Mme Gould needn't think she can make her marriage to de Sagan patriotic affair by having it take place on the Fourth of July.-Birmingham Age Herald.
 She doubtless considers the fitness of things. She is marrying a son-of-a-gun and the marriage will doubtless cause an explosion in the Gould family.
 Columbus Ledger: We noted the other day that the Birmingham Age-Herald had observed that the name of Taft rhymes with craft" We do not desire to do Mr. Taft any injustice or to cast any insinu- ations upon him, but his name also rhymes with graft" which is one of the great principles of the party which has nominated him for the presidency.
 Roanoke (Va.) World: There has been far too much shooting in Birmingham on the part of the officers of the law.-Bir- mingham Age-Herald.
 Gee! That beats Roanoke "all holler" And so does the following from the same paper:
 Three new industries have been located in Jefferson county within tho past two two weeks, and each of them means good sized payroll. Not dull June.
 Alexander City Outlook: The Chicago convention went on record on the cam paign publicity proposition-yeas, s4; nays. SS0 The delegates were truly bad and representatives -Birgmingham Age-Herald.
 Yes, they were bad, bad mentally and morally. Only 94 honest men and SSG con- scienceless is what it takes to form truly representative republican conven- ton They made the figure and figures don't lie," even if republicans did make
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04
COOK FOR FRANCIS JOSEPH.
..a, thJ Tondon Globe.

From thf London GIope.
 Although the Austrian Emperor eats very frugajiy, his majesty pays his chief cook s1o.0d year. The court is noted for It's Elaborate repasts, and French con ten1porary gives an amusing account of boyw Perski-for such is the chefs name
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

The congregation at the Unitarian church in Washington remained in their pews last Sunday until MT Taft had passed out. That congregation may prove to have been altogether too previous.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04
 ABOUT SCHOOL TEXT BOOKS.

From the Montgomery Journal
 Some of our Alabama exchanges have stated that es per cent of the text books were changed by the commission. That is A mistake. Perhaps 1t was A misprint.
 But suppose 1t were true. Suppose every book on the list had been changed.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04
As Compared With Pittsburg.

Business is improving in all sections of the country" said an official of the Re public Iron and Steel company, but in no iron center is there as much activity as in the Birmingham district. Rela- lively speaking Pittsburg is considerably behind Birmingham in the number of plants in operation.
 "In this district conditions are almost normal and as the summer advances there will be still further improvement. Things are certainly looking much brighter than they promised three months ago."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

A vacancy on a presidential ticket occurred when Benjamin Fitzpatrick of Alabama refused to run for vice president on the Douglas ticket in 1860. The national committee filled the va cancy with the name of Herschel V. Johnston of Georgia.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

The barbecue and field day at the State Fair grounds for the benefit of the East Lake orphanage will be a grand Fourth of July event. It will draw on its merits, but the cause itself is a great ticket seller.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04
Passenger Trains Collide.

Paris, Tex, July 3.-Passenger trains Nos S4 and 35, Texas and Pacific. collided at Dodd City today. Both locomotives were damaged, and a number of persons are reported slightly injured, Express Mes senger Joe FitcM being among the numoer.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04
AGAINST HOPING.

Nothing seems to matter-hope Leaves you to despair; Though red roses line the way, You don't see them there. Blue the skies are bending, yet Darkness wraps you round, Given OCT to gloominess,
 Sunk in woe profound. Is your liver out of whack? Are you deep in love? Neither one of these, you say? Then, my stars above Why are you determined to
 Only see the bad? Matters never will improve, Long as you are sad. Truly, 'tis a foolish rhyme,
 From a foolish bard; Yet, when there are easy ways, Why pick out the hard? Happiness is everywhere,
 If you care to look; Singing in the forest aisle,
 Laughing in the brook. Simple things are best of all- Best the quiet life, Far away from troubles haunts, From the toll and strife. Small desires comfort bring,
 Discomfort is vain, Sweet the wales of innocence And the lowly train.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04
THE AoE.HERALD AT DENVER.

The Aee-HeraId will be on sale at the Brown Palace Hotel news stand and the Savoy Hotel news stand, at Rlce's news stand, Echo News and Cigar Co.'s stand at Denver during the democratic convention.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

entered the Emperor's service. Perski was formerly chef to Count Rheingaum, and one day Francis Joseph, who dined at the house of the count, was delighted with the manner in which the boar's head was served and complimented the chef. Two days later an enormous packing case arrived at Schonbrunn with the counts respects. When the box was opened they found in it Perski. in good health but somewhat shaken up.' The Emperor accepted the present and Perski became head of the kitchen.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

Georgia is getting 1000 cars out of the lines of idle ones with ease and dispatch. She is engaged in shipping Elberta peaches to anxious consumers at fine profit.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

Canned sermons left behind by clergymen enjoying vacations should be accompanied by canned music. Har- mony is always preferable.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04
THAT BROTHER OF TAFT

publican. mostly with the local boss, though sometimes against him. On the boardings of the city he has been car tooned villainously as sinister inter est" and smiled over it and bought an- other china jar. In matters of music and art, Cincinnati agrees that he is her foremost citizen How do you like the interior of the hotel?" he asks the vis- itor from out of town, for Charles P. looked to the mural decorations in per- son. They are deservedly praised.
 In the evening he goes to an old fash toned house, once the Longworths', whose domestic establishment is maintained for less than that of many houses occupied by man of one-twentieth his income. But no one of moderate means could af- ford such furnishings. To be vulgar about it, there are well over $1000,000 worth of art treasures in the Taft home.
 Dealers say no false masters or imita- tion hawthornes have been sold to him. He has the discrimination of the wise buyer and the taste of the connoisseur. Seated among china of the Ming dynasty, he reads the baseball extra of his lively newspaper. He never brings business home unless 1t is William HIS campaign. William H. is poor. He knows nothing of fortune winning. The only way he could make money would be by practic- ing law.
 Charles P. is willing to have fame in the family but it must all descend on one member. From the day that the elder brother saw the gift of Will for making friends and for dictating in an easy way legal analysis of a bundle of documents, that younger brother has been a hobby surpassing all the old masters. He has always been trying to show Will the road to opportunity knowing that once Will was started he could do the travel ing himself
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

MT. Carmack can at any rate be- come a newspaper man again. He mas in the past been very good one.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

MT. Taft's brother owns the Cincin- natl baseball team of the National league. and Candidate Taft himself is one of his patrons.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04
STRATEGY.

Miss Antique offered to sell kisses for sl0 apiece for charity"
 "Clever in her, wasn't itg'
 Slick scheme to get kissed, you meanl"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

The trouble in Persia is the Shah Is trying to become political boss Of the American pattern.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

A campaign biography of Taft is al ready advertised. The reading of 1t is, however, not compulsory in hot. weather.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

Uncle Sam and President Diaz are both camping on the trail of the border bandits.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

That African hunting trip that Presi- dent Roosevelt is planning calls Tor more cameras than guns.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

Caleb Powers freedom is to be or short duration. He is to be married soon.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

June went out leaving many bache- lors who had not had courage enough to get married.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

Harry Thaw is entitled to be hope ful so long as he can command the services of lawyers and insanity ex- perts.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

Some public men obey public opin- ion while some prefer to try to fool 1t. The latter do not stay in politics long.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

Taft Is going to Hot Springs, Va, to brace up against the Cincinnati cl- mate and political pilgrimages.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04
ABOUT BIRMINGHAM

Centreville Press: The candidates for mayor of Greater Birmingham can at least furnish cold drinks as the campaign warns up.
 PelI City Progress: The Birmingham in- dustries start again slowly, but the start is exceedingly fine to the ranks of the unemployed.
 Pell City Progress: When female hotel clerks. become fashionable in Birmingham we presume the managers will be able to sell standing room in the Hobbies.
 Washington Post From the way Bir- mingham is knocking its tail-end baseball club, it appears that that poor town hasn't become hardened to such affiictons yet.
 Montgomery Times: The Birmingham ball team, though tail-enders, are fitted to greater things than a combination of i'll luck and hoodoo. We had this fact in forcible and practical illustration yester- day. It Is but justice to say so. Columbus Ledger: Birmingham people wear buttons bearing the legend: I'm from Birmingham; ask me-" And the Mo- bile Register asks: What will you take?' Birmingham Is dry town, but Mobile isn't.
 Chattanooga Times: Reference Is had to the diminished crime in Birmingham under ! prohibition. It would be useless, of course, to say that for all that, prohibition is not prohibiting In Birmingham. But even at best it must be admitted that Jefferson county is morally responsible for the suc- cess of the. law It was submitted to her people and was ratified. The law would be even better enforced in Chattanooga in such circumstances.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

Tennessee Is ungrateful, for she has rejected John Wesley Gaines, wno made her famous.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

The national deficit that confronts us is not a theory; it is physical and actual fact.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

New York now boasts the most pop ulous zoo in the world.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

Directoire gowns are becoming nu merous at Coney Island at any rate.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

The departure of perfervid June i' not deeply mourned.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

From Golfers Weekly.
 IN Cincinnati. in a quiet corner office of a high building which he owns' 4 with only a bookkeeper to keep nm company, you will find any day, when ne is not in New York looking at old mas ters and porcelains, a quiet, slim, wnlte- bearded man. But for him William Il. Taft might never have gone to the Phii- fnpines or become Secretary of War or a candidate for President.
 "Did we beat the Post on the baseball extra last night?'' Charles P. Taft calls downstairs to the editor of the news paper which he owns. He enjoys his newspaper which has as lively headlines as any in the middle west Baseball in terests him equally with Gainsboroughs and Sir Joshuas He owns large inter est in the Cincinnati Baseball club, In the gas works and the street car lines, In the leading hotel and the opera house, not to mention much real estate; or, rather, he and his wife together. Her fortune he has multiplied.
 One day the editor told him of a smart young baseball reporter who was looking wistfully at a broken down league team and signing for capital. How much do you want?" Charles P. asked the report CT. "One hundred thousand dollars. V ''very good" said Charles F., who had been watching that young man for a year. we'll go into partnership A quiet man who makes business deals in this fashion naturally needs only book keeper, and when he wants stenog- rapher he can send for one downstairs in the editors office.
 Everything the Herr Doktor,' as he was called among his fellow American students at Heidelberg. has touched since he came home from finishing his educa- ton in Germany seems to have turned into money or art. He has been re-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

STRICTLY BUSINESS. Little stenographer, Hair of sunny gold, Eyes of heavens blue. Twenty years old, Got position Working in town, For a rich person Who was named Brown. In just a week or two, Strange to relate, The boss man looked at her Seemed to hesitate, Then he said word or two Like Promise me-" Little stenographer's Now Mssus B
 ARE YOU ONE? "I see where the sixth annual Gahanbar of the Mazdaznans of America is being held" wonder what sort of yell they have?"
 BLASE. He kissed the maid
 It seemed so nice, He tried again,
 And that was twice. And then he yawned And said, "Oh, gee! I might as well
 Just make it three"
 IABOR-SAVERS. "Dr. Fillum is the most up-to-date dent ist know.''
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04
EXPERIENCE


 EXPERIENCE. He bought a bubble wagon Five thousand was the price. He said he'd learn to run 1t And wanted no advice. He landed in gully A dozen fathoms deep The sight that he presented Would make the angels weep The car was smashed to flinders, His person greatly bruised; He crawled from out the wreckage Disheveled and confused And now he never mentions The motor car he had, But when he hears one puffing It seems to make him mad.
 A STUNT. "I see where man in New Jersey stole a lawnmower'
 Good heavensi Was he crazy?" No. Just wanted to cause talk. guess.''
 REPLIES. A poet lady named Swett contributes some lines entitled July"  Hamlet has been condensed into Commute sketch Even 20 minutes of Hamlet" would put some low-brows to sleep.
 'Marooned on an Iceburg' would make capital reading these hot days. "A ban on courting at Atlantic City? Then, what will be the excuse for Att lantic City?"- asks the Atlanta Georgian. The bathing suit, of course. Copenhagen Blue" is the latest shade for mems socks. The average man Is glad if he has a pair of socks any color without hole in them. While MT. Taft doesn't believe in tips, he seems to have taken straight tip from President Roosevelt. "Know your food and drink" advises contemporary. If we knew what we were eating and drinking sometimes, we wouldn't have any appetite or any thirst either.
 An Alabama man is in jail waiting for the end of the world. It would be hard to say whether he is optimist or a pessimist. PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES

"In what particularsP"
 Why, he pulls teeth by electricity and has a photograph which says. Now, this isn't going to hurt
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04
AGE-HERALD ECHOES

Wilcox Banner: The Age-Herald has discovered that craft rhymes with Taft. That's so. And how about graft? | Savannah Press: The Birmingham Age l Herald notes that Mir. Taft is individually q Unitarian, but that he is an Episco- palian by marriage.
 Austin Statesman: The Birmingham Age-Herald refers to the republican presf- dential nominee Taft, as "Roosevelts proxy" Pretty good, and true, too.
 -
 Beaumont Enterprise: The Aakora goat las supplanted the Teddy bear, remarks the Birmingham Age-Herald, and thus the Texas goat contributes to make his- tory.
 Jackson News: When Kentucky bank was closed by the directors there was not cent of money in the vaults. says the Birmingham Age-HeraId It was about time to close.
 Danville (va.) Register: arhe rats in ladies' hair were cut asia rule from the lheads of Chinese bandits" says the Bir-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

Washington Post From the way Bir- mngham is knocking its tail-end baseball club, it appears that that poor town hasn't become hardened to such affiictions yet.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

Jackson News: Any picture of fat man in the newspapers these days is like fly fell out of window" says the Bir- mingham Age-Herald. Perhaps, but any picture of thin man these days is not likely to be Charley Fairbanks.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

Pell City Progress: When female hotel clerks become fashionable in Birmingham we presume the managers will be able to sell standing room in the Hobbies.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04
AN OLD STANDBY

It was an off day with the jokesmith. so he handed one to the gas meter and let 1t go at that.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

Good-so is It, if thou knew'st our purposes. Hamlet
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

Washington Herald: An Arkansas train stopped, and were married" says Paul Cook, in the Birmingham Age Herald. Our guess is there was no kick among the passengers because of the de-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

bingham Age-Herald. And the ladies promptly took the queue.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

Beaumont Enterprise: Breakfast foods ought to be dirt cheap next winter after our bumper harvests are in the market. gays the Birmingham Age-Herald. This is doubtful, however, with the saw mills all idle
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04
A STUNT.

A STUNT. "I see where man in New Jersey stole a lawnmower" Good heavensi Was he crazy?" No. Just wanted to cause talk. I guess.'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

Atlanta Georgian: If women shaved more of them would swear" says the sassy person, Paul Cook, in the Birming ham Age-Herald And if men wore merry widow lids, sheath gowns and-and-guess the cussln' vocaoularly would have some important additions.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

Pell City Progress: The Birmingham in- dustries start again slowly, but the start is exceedingly fine to the ranks of the unemployed.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-07-04

Centreville Press: The candidates for mayor of Greater Birmingham can at least furnish cold drinks as the campaign warns up
The Paducah evening sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1906-1929, 1908-02-17
Ballard County Will Lead
Way For Western District
Pool to Enforce Pledges.

Suits probably will be instituted in
every county in the western district
by the dark tobacco association
against the farmers, who have violat-
ed the pool, and dumped" their to-
bacco on the market. These suits will
Include actions for damages and to re-
strain those who have not disposed
of their tobacco, delivering it to the
buyers. Lists are being made up. In
Ballard county the suits will be filed
for the April term of court, but the
injunctions will be sought right away.
Violated Brrley Pool.
Lexington, FEB. 17,-The first suit
ever brought in the Fayette circuit
court on account of an alleged breach
of contract on the part of member
of the Burley Tobacco society was
that filed by Attorney Matt S. Wal
ton. Jr., on behalf of his client com
pany against Il. l.. Goodpaster and l..
Sharp, Jr
The Paducah evening sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1906-1929, 1908-02-17
Mr. SMITH FIELDS
DIES AT FULTON
THIS AFTERNOON

Fulton. Ky. Feb. II. Especial y
Mr. Smith Fields, AZ years old, one
of Fulton's wealthiest citizens, died
here at o'clock today of tuberculo'
sis, after a long Illness. lie recently
returned from Asheyille, n. c., UNI
improved In health. He is survived
by his wife and three daughters. Mr..
Fields was president of the City Ma
tional bank, and was interested in sew
eral corporations here and at Padu-
cab. He had been in the tobacco
business nearly all his life, and twelve
years ago the firm of Fields Bros. al
Paducah was one of the best known
in this section. They had the con.
tract with the Italian government. Mr.
Fields resided at Twelfth and Jeffer.
son streets in Paducah and had 9
warehouse at Tenth street and Broad.
way, The other brother, Lewis
Fields, is in California. The Rev
Peter Fields, formerly pastor of the
Third Street Methodist church in Pa
ducah, is a brother.
The Paducah evening sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1906-1929, 1908-02-17
WATCHMAN FALLS
INTO RIVER FROM
BEAVER ---DROWNS

Clarence Monteith, a Waterman on
the towboat Beaver, fell off the boat
four miles above Paducah on the Ohio
river and was drowned the night of
February ~. The Beaver passed
down the Ohio that night with tow
Of coal and stone, Monteith's wife
was on the boat at the time her hus-
band was drowned. Mrs. Monteith
offers reward of s25 to the person
finding her husbands body Monteith
was of slender build and was Ave feet
and ten inches in height, weighing
about lao pounds. He had light
brown hair and a dark brown mus
tache at the time of his drowning. He
wore dark blue flannel shirt, black
coat and vest and corduroy trousers.
on the finger of one hand there was a
gold band ring with the initial M