The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-28

When Gineral Charles Henry Gossa-
mer-nay, not so-there are some things
i too solemn for a Jest-when Gineral
Charles Henry GrosvenOr evaporated
from congress owing TO a heinous dis
regard on the part of a certain sec
ton Of the Ohio proletariat to his
claims 10 a permanent place on the pay
roll. he left several aching voids-quite
q neat little collection of them, in
deed: for the Gineral long had been
one or the set pieces Of the house, and
to rip him out was like extirpating a
Rough Rider from a government job, or
some other unconstitutional and revo-
iutionary proceeding. However. they
canned the GineTal. and the aching
Voids were the inevitable result.
Some of these never can be filled.
The aches must remain always, dull
and thrObbing. not To be aSsuaged.
Still, the business Of the republic must
be done. The congress must be faith
ful 10 its trusts-no; not in the eco
nomic sense, of cOurse-hOW dare you
and il was necessary to cast about to
find plugs for one or two of the prin-
cipal voids the Gineral left behind
Plugs may not be just the word, for
one with a regard for the niceties of the
language would not refer TO members
OF congress as plugs. Be that as It
may, the Gineral left a hole or two,
a cavity or so, and the deepest was
in the committee on rules.
The committee on rules is a mild and
beneficent machine. an almost benign
institution, for making Hamburg steak
OF the minority. II cas- take the mi
nority at any time Of the day or night.
run II through the hopper and bring
II out in nicely hashed little pats,
trimmed with parsley and with John
Sharp Williams and David Albaugh De
Almond en- bordure. Simple as this
operation may seem, IL requires steady
hands and courageous hearts, to say
nothing Of indurated consciences, for
the screams of agony that arise, from
time 10 time, might unnerve a commit
teeman of softened sympathies, and,
mayhap. induce him 10 give the minor
ity an even break. which is unparlia-
mentary, impractical and unnecessary.
The hand of Gineral GrOsvenor never
faltered, nor did his heart ever melt
The minority might protest until il was
black in tbs face and be stood there,
sternly, feeding them In. II was a no
Bile trio, Uncle Joseph Cannon, John
can members of the committee perpe-
trating such outrages as they saw fit,
while Williams and De Almond were
merely excess baggage in the place,
they being the two Democratic mem
bers OF the committee and so used TO
being gagged they opened their mouths
automatically as soon as they entered
the room for the tender ministrations
with brOOmsticks and cords by their
three loving but determined colleagues.
When this congress assembled Uncle
Joseph Cannon needed a handy man to
Join with Dalzell and himself in the
happy pastime of mascerating the Dem
Ocrats. He cast his eye over the serried
ranks of true patriots who had just
voted Cor him for speaker and il lin
gered on the sturdy form of James
SchOolcraft Sherman of Utica, n. Y.
Jim" said the speaker. Come hith-
err" using his flossiest language.
"Jim," he continued, what is the
basic principle of the constitution of
the United States?"
THE minority has no rights"
What is the instrument selected by
the Fathers 10 enforce that principle? ?"
The committee on rules"
rs the committee on rules always
right. noble and patriotic and correct?"
Always"
"Why?"
Because ii has the votes"
There were tears in the speakers
voice, but none in his eyes. when he
reached out his hand and said:
Jim, you are worthy Of my regard.
Your knowledge Of the theory of gov
ernment is profound. You are a cred
IL 10 my upbringing. Come with me.
James: you are now Joined with John
Dalzell and myself In the high and holy
cause of kicking the tar out of those
misguided persons who constitute the
minority-kicking the tar out of them.
James. from morn till dewy eve"
Thus did James Schoolcraft Sherman,
after eighteen years or so of standing
firmly on the spot, arrive at the high
est distinction that comes TO a MEM
Der of the house, bar one. He got on
the committee of rules. He is there
now. solid and stolid. not doing any
of the fancy work, not contributing TO
the embroidery, but adding weight and
dmpressiveness. 1t takes the astute