The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1908-08-05
THE PENSION OFFICE
hUMoR THAT SPICES THE ROUTINE
J. WORK OF THE OFFICIALS.
Some of the Quaint and Original APP
plications For Payments That Have
Been Handed In to the Representa-.
tives of Uncle Sam,

plications For Payments That Have
Been Handed In to the Representa-
tives of Uncle Sam.
If he dared to do so the commissioners
Of pensions at Washington could COM
pile delightful volume, putting there
in the strange applications for pensions
that come to his Office. Some of these
letters belong to the too good to keep"
class. and they. find their way out into
the world, where they add good deal
to the hilarity of nations. Some appli-
cants for pensions manifest the most
childlike ignorance regarding the meth
Cd of procedure necessary when apply
ing for pension. They seem to think
that all they have to do is to send an
application to the pension Office and
Uncle Sam will forward a check by re-
turn mail.
Soon after the close Of the civil war
there came to the pension Office in
Washington the following unique and
poetical application for pension that
years ago:
to Commissioner of Pensions Washington.
these many years I've tried in vain
an honest pention to obtain
For wound received in Sixty o
at first Battle of Bull Run
one of ohioes sons so brave
who went to the front the union to save
And whilst Engaged in above said fight
a rebel Shell took half my sight
Not content by taking an Eye
this treacherous shell in Passing by
took my Eye Brow Clear of the bone
and Left me unconscious as a stone
burning q blister Of Crystal Clear
from the jaw bone to the Ear
but thanks to god my life was spared
Cheek and Eye brow but Slitely Scared
and one Eye was left to me
for to wright and read Poetre
I hope that with that Eye TO see the day
when unkel Sam his Cripples will Pay.
Much more recent is the letter sent
to the commissioner of pensions by an
applicant who had contracted blood
poisoning in the following remarkable
manner:
got blood poison by beinge hit with q
hens eg wen / cam back from the frunt.
Tho eg was not good wen you send my
pension 1 want the Deed made SOS my
wife can't get none of 1t. She throde the
eg. She war a rebbel.
Equally appealing and remarkable
was another letter sent to the pension
office in which the applicant set forth
his claims to pension in this wise:
The way got my War ingery was a
kstchin of a hog. The Hog war wanted
by our captain for forege. We was chasin
the hog and she crawied threw a hole
an thot I were about the size Of the hog
and tried to crawl threw. but 1 stuck an
in tryin to wiggle out 1 throde the rales
off one II hit me on my he'd and nocked
me senseless. I do not think the hog had
nothin to do with my line OF duty. for ]
did not ketch the hog. WITCH she never
was caSt, SO pleze send along my pension.
One aged pensioner had evidently
made a serious blunder by taking
unto himself a wife in his old age, for
love OF gain seems to have been the
motive of the woman who married him
If the following letter stated the facts
in the case:
Dear Mister Government. Pleze to fix W
my penshun papers so as my wife cant
draw my twelve dolers a munt when
am ded. she say she raarryed me for lov
an TO be a ole mans Darling but now
no it was for to git my pcnshun on her
self by being my widower so pleze LEI
my penshun end with me but pleze doant
let on to her that you got this from me
or / would have a hot time Of IL and times
is hotter now than / can stand So wher
! send word that am no moar then send
her this II you want TO but not until the
penshun is shut Off which it is her Just
desserts for marryin for money an IN q
Mersheenary spirrut-
One day there came to the pension
| Office O. yc-- Old and .subdI-d looking