davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10
Marks Brilliant Paragraph.

New York Sun: Mark Twain, at q
publishers dinner in New York. talked
OF his reporting days in Virginia City.
I'VE were trying a horse thief n
day. he said. and all of a sudden one
big, burly s%coundrel pulled of his boot
and threw Ii at the judge. 1t was a
heavy boot, too. 1t was studded with
hobnails.
Il am still rather proud of the way L
wrote up tina little incident, doing IL
neatly and at the same time getting
pack on a rival reporter whom / dis
liked. | got II all in n paragraph
something like this:
Suddenly the blackguardly thief,
pulling off his boot, hurled 1t with all
his might straight at the judges head.
This desperate act might have been at
tended with most disastrous conse-
auences. but fortunately the missile
only struck a reporter. SO no harm was
done"
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10
Not Quite the Same.

The Tatler: A country clergyman
vouches for the truth of this story.
Having arrived at that point In the
baptismal service where the infants
name is conferred, he said: Name this
child"
Original Story said the sponsor
nurse.
What did you say" he asked in sur
prise.
Original Story" ske repeated i'm
clear, deliberate tones.
It's a very odd name, isn't II? Are
you sure you want him called by the
name of Original Story"
Original Story-that's right
lis it a family name?" the minister
persisted.
Named after his uncle, sir ex-
planned the nurse.
And SO as Original Story the little
fellow was christened. Som weeks af-
ter this event the minister made the
acquaintance of the said uncle-a farm
Iaborer in another vilage-whose name
was Reginald Story.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10

From Rarpers Weekly.

The proprietor of a Chicago hotel tells
of an eccentric guest who registered
with him about the time of the simpli-
fed spelling furry. II who under
took in an ingenious way, TO show his
contempt for the opponents Of the pro-
posed reform.
When the newcomer spread his sigma
ture on the register il was at once OBJ
served that the name was a most un-
usual one-''E. *. Phtholoknyrrh.'
Beg your pardon, sir" said the clerE.
but o do you pronounce it?'
Turner" was the reply, and spelled
in approved fashion. too"
will you kindly explain?"
Simplest thing in the world said
Turner. First. we have 'phth,' the
sound OF Z in 'phthisis;' then, 'oio.'
the sound of 'ur' in colonel thirdly.
'gn.' representing the sound OF n IN
'gnat;' and, finally. 'yrrh, the eQuival-
ent of 'er' in 'myrrh.' If the conbina-
ton doesn't spell Turner what does IT
spell?"
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10
Bio Flowers in Kansas

Quite q colony of congressional folk
congregate about The Terrace" on
Massachusetts venue in the legislative
season. Consequently as the opening
Of the house draws neal the adjacent
park, Scott circle, becomes populous
v 18th boys and girls from all parts of
the union. Some weighty arguments
anent the superiority OF the East to
the West and the North 10 the South
are waged, and some interesting bits
of information await the k~een-eared
wayfarer.
Kansas and Georgia were hard at II
the other day.
ANYWAY, down I'm Geo'gah the trees
have nice, long moss on them all the
time and
"Oh, bosh! Who wants moss on trees
anyway? Out'n Kansas where trees
get moss on EN- they're rotten" broke
i'm the small Kansan.
But in Geo'gah," again interrupted
the little woman from that state, I'VE
have magnolia trees and roses in ouah
gahdens all the time and you-all have
only cabbag es II beans"
"Cabbages and beans!" scornfully re-
turned the girl from the Colder West
why out'n Kansas we have-we have
-caulifowers, and they grow as high
az that tree and they have red and
yellow flowers, too-out'n Kansas
Venezuela sent more than 30, 000, 600
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10
An overvaunted Virtue.

FFOm the BdILlIlUIt hLltTICNU.
S. l.. Kimball. the general superiu-
tendent Of the life saving service. said
the other day OF an applicant for d GER
tain post:
The man was recommended for his
s~teadiness. Now steadiness is q virtue,
especially in life saving, that goes none
TOO far. Whenever | think of ii / think
Of an old lady | used to know.
Mrs. Madden" a gentleman once
aid to this old lady, your neighbor,
Herbert Bisbing, has applied to me for
work. lis he steady?'
Mrs. Madden threw up her hands.
STEADY. is it?' she said. Sure. If
he was any steadier he'd be dead"
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10


II WANT 10 tell you bow l saved
one of our horses that had a fstula.
We had the horse doctor out and be
said it was so bad that he did not
think he could cure it, and did not
come again. Then we tried Sloan's
Liniment and it cured 1t up nicely.
"One day last spring | was blowing
for a neighbor who had a horse with
sweeny, and I told him about Sloan's
Liniment and he had me get q bottle
for him. and it cured bis horse all
right, and he goes off now like q colt.
I'VE had n horse that had sweeny
awfulIy bad and we thought ii was
never going to be any good, but we
used SIoan's Eminent and it cured it
up nicely. ! told another ncighbor
about it and he said it was the best
Liniment he eyer used.
I'VE are using Sloan's Sure Collie
Cure and we think it is all right
A. ID. BRUCE, Aurelia, la.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10
A Notable Performances.
From Harper's Weekly.

a member Of the Chooi board Of
Philadelphia describes a unique school
house in northern Pennsylvania, where
the school master keeps his boys grind
ing steadily at their desks, but ONE
times permits them to nibble from their
lunch boxes as they work.
One day the pedagogue was instruct
ing a class in arithmetic. when ne no.
ticed that one pupil was devoting more
attention TO a piece OF pie than to his
lesson.
William" commanded the stern
mentor. will you pay attention to the
lesson?'
Tn listening, sir" said the boy.
Listening, are you?" exclaimed the
master. Then you're listening with
one ear and eating pie with the other
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10
The Handy Doctor in Your
Vest Pocket

TITS a thin, round-cornered little
Enamel Box
When carried In your vest pockst
IL It means Health-lnsurance.
II contains Six Candy Tablets Of pleasant
taste. almost as pleasant as Chocolate.
Each tablet is a working dose Of Cas-
carets, which acts like Exercise on the
Bowels and Liver.
1t will not purge. sicken, nor upset tho
stomach.
Because 1t is not a "~Bile-drlver." like
Salts. Sodium. Calomel, Jalap. SIENNA. nor
Aperient Waters.
Neither is 1t Ike Castor Oil. Cycerine.
or other Oily La1atives that simply lubricaie
the lntestines for transit of the food stopped
up in them at that particular time.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10
A New Version.

She was a pudgy little person whose
squareness was combined with a de-
licious and indescribable rotundity.
Each of the children had been taught a
text to recite at the Sunday school en-
tertainment, and each had to mount
the platform for the event. Gretchen
being a very small girl, had been given
a very short Verse-namely, Il am the
Bread OF Life
When her name was called she
stepped primly forward and announced
with calm confidence:
Il am a loaf of bread
And the audience forgot church de-
Corum.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10
The First Advertiser.

The author looked up from the first
chapter of his mammoth History OF
Advertising.
Il wonder" he murmured, who could
have been the first manufactures to ad-
vertise? 1t is an item that would fl
in well here" e
There is no extant data on the sub
ject," said the farmer. but 1 have
every reason to believe that the hen Is
the person you are looking for"
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10
Be Kind to the Old.

From the BeIInlan.
Edward King. bishop of Lincoln, who
IS now nearly so. was once taking an
airing at the seaside when he found
some difficulty In rising from his low
chair.
Seeing his p~redicament, a young fish,
err girl FASTENED to his assistance and
helped his lordship to his feet. DIR.
King was profuse In his thanks. but
the girl who had no idea OF his iden-
tity, begged him not to mention IL.
That's all right, sir said she with
a laugh. I'm used to IL. I've often had
to take father home when he's been a
good deal drunken than you!"
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10
No Hindrsnce.

One day a celebrated advocate was
arguing before a very rusle old Scotch
judge, who pointed with one fore
finger 10 one OF his ears and with the
other to the opposite one. You see
this, Mr.. X?' II do, my lord" said the
advocate. Well. IL just goes in here
n comes out there" and his Iordship
smiled with the hiiarity Of a judge who
thinks he has actually said a good
thing. II don't doubt il. my lord" re-
piled the advocate; what is there 10
prevent it?'
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10

The "axle-light" system is in use on
the trains of the Atchison, Topeka x
Santa Fee railroad on an extensive scale.
Each car has its own storage batteries
supplied with electricity generated by
the axles Of the wheels, and the loco
motive headlights derive their illum-
ination from the same source Ii is es-
timated that each full train, exclusive
of the locomotive, develops nearly 5000
CANDLE power light.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10

tell what agony ! en-
dured from backache.
My limbs were swoll-
en- twice natural size
and my sight was
weakening. The kid
ney secretions were
discolored and bad n
sediment. When /
wished to eat my
wife had to raise me
up in bed. Physicians
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10
The Montreal Accent,
From the Pittsburg Dispatch

from the rittSpuFs DispdNCb'
II once sat beside Mr.. Fish at a
dinner at the Union league club in New
York. Mr.. Fish, when the CUP came
on, began to cast sneering chances at
81 stout, red faced chap opposite u.s.;
and finally he whispered to me-:
THAT man is from Montreal. / can
tell il by his accent.
BY his accent?' said l.. But, Mr.
Fish, the man hasn't spoken
MIR. Fish's lip curied in q scornful
emile.
~ had reference ne said, TO the
accent with which he eats his soup
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10

The Pekin Gazette, the oldest news
paper in the world, after an existence
of 1,194 years without an editorial page,
society column, funny column, market
page or sporting extra, is now using
its back page for freaks and has start
ed an editorial page.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10

According to a government betanist
at Washington, there is reason to be-
lieve that buds share in the growing
old of the parent plant. He illustrates
his meaning in this way: Suppose the
average life of an individual plant-say
a tree-to be 100 years, hen a bud re-
moved when the parent plant is so years
old will also be virtually so years Of
age, and if transplanted by grating
will be able to live on the graft only
so years more.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10
d

From HarperS weekly.
A well known actor says that while
his company was touring the South not
long ago, he went int one of the
clubs" in a South Carolina town.
where the dispensaTy system is in
vogue.
What have you in the shape of peri
odicals?" the player asked of the dusky
attendant.
Corn liquor. sab" promptly answered
the attendant, beer, and wine, but
mostly corn liquor, sab"
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10

were unable TO help me and / was go
ing down fast when ] began using
Doan's Kidney Pills. After a short
time | felt a great Improvement and
am now as strong ana healthy as "A
man could be. / give Doan's Kidney
Pills all the credit for it,"
Sold by all dealers. 30 cents q box.
Foster Milburn Co. Buffalo, n. Y.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10
six YourDeaier for Aliens Foot Ease

A powder to shake into your shoes. 1t rests
the feet, Cures Corns. Bunions. Swollen,
Sore. Hot, Callous. Aching, Sweating feet
and Ingrowing Nails. Aliens Foot Base
makes new or tight shoes easy. Sold by all
Druggists and Shoe Stores, 25c. Sample
NAMED FREE. Address Allen s. Otmsted,
Ie Row. n. Y.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10

OF the 500, 900 miles of railway in the
world, only about 10 per cent are found
in strictly tropical territory, n no
more than 10 per cent within what
would be termed tropical and subtropi-
cal areas. Tracks abound in the tenn
perate zone.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10

Every night while the British parlia-
ment is in session a letter is dispatched
from the house of commons TO King
Edward, giving a summary of the pro-
ceedings during the sitting. At present
the letter is written by Herbert Glad
stone.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10
SLEEP BROKEN BY ITCHING.

ICh
Year-No Relief UnuI Cuttcura
Remedies Prove "A Success.
For a year ] have had what they
call eczema. / had al itching all over
my body, and when | would retire for
the night it would keep me awake half
the night. and the more would
scratch, the more ii would itch. |
tried all kinds Of remedies, but could
get no relief.
Il used one cake Cuticura Soap, one
box of Cuticura, and two Walls Of Cuti-
cura Resolyent Pills, which cost me a
dollar and twenty-five cents in all, and
am very glad ! tried them, for was
completely cured. Walter w. Pag-
luscb. 2O7 n. Robey ST, Chicago, ILL.,,
Oct. 6 and l6, 1906
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10

TO assure the direct and quick cleans
ing of the system, take Garfield Tea. the
Mild Herb Laxative 1t puri6es the
blood, eradicates disease and brings Good
Health.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10

All the guests at a wedding at South
end-on-the-Sea, England, brought FISH
ing rods, and the bride and bride
groom. bot members of the Scotland
Angling society. passed beneath an
arch OF fishing rods on leaving the
church
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10

Ladies to copy letters at home: spare
time; good pay; cash weekly: experience
unnecessary; send stamp. Gerard Co.
Arno Bldg, Cincinnati, o.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10

Choice half section stock or grain farm
near Mortified at a bargain 10 close an
estate, 30 miles from Twin Cities, 5000
worth of improvements. Jesse Rowland.
Northfield, MINI.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10

The chief cause Of Constipation and
Indigestion Is a weakness OF the Muscles
that contract the lntestines and Bowels.
Csscarets are practically to the Bowel
Muscles what a Massage and Cold BAH
are to the Athletic Muscles.
They stimulate the Bowel Muscles 10
contract. expand, and squeeze the Diges-
tive Juices out Of food eaten.
They don't help the Bowels and Liver In
such a way az to make them lean upon
similar assistance for the future.
This is why, with Cascare.s, the dose
may be lessened each succeeding time
instead Of increased, as II must be with al
other Cathartics and Laxatives.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10
RAISED FROM A SICK BED.

After BEING sn invalid with Kidney
Disorders for Many Years.
John Armstrong, Cloverport. KY,
saws: II was an invalid with kidney
complaintS for many years and cannot
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10

Pettit's Eye Salve First Sold In 1907
over 100 years ago, sales increase yearly,
wonderful remedy cured millions weak
eyes. All druggists or Howard Bros,
Buffalo, y. Y.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10
C FOR SICK M

For thirty Years LYDIA E. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound, made
from roots and herbs, has been the
standard remedy for female ills,
and has positively cured thousands of
women who have been troubled with
displacements, inflammation, ulcera-
ton, ibroid tumors, irregularities,
periodic pains, and backache.
Mrs. Pinkham invites all sick
women to write her for advice.
She has guided thousands to
health. Address, Lynn Mass.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10
STATE OF OHIO, CITY OF TOLEDO, |

q
Frank j. Cheney makes oath that be IL
senior partner of the firm of r. ]. Cheney &
Co, doing business In the City of Toledo,
County and State aforesaid, and that said
Arm will pay the sum of ONE HUNDRED
DOLLARS for each and every case OF Ca
tarrh that cannot be cured by the use OF
Halls Catarrh Cure. FRANK ]. CHENEY.
Sworn to before me and subscribed in my
presence, this 9th day of December, A. ID.
1856
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10

An English firm is 10 light the Ne
dina, tArabia) sanctuary OF MahomRlec
with electricity.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10

Venezuela sent more than 50,0 0 600
pounds of coffee 10 the United states
last year.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10

WIS Wfnsiow . SOOTHING sIKUk rur Childrsg
aeethtng; softens the gums, reduces lnnemrn atIon ~
ays pain. cures wind COLI. ~ cent u bottle
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10

A large hotel in Grand Rapids.
Mich, is heated largely by electricity.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10
A. W. GLEASON.

NOTARY PUBLIC.
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internally,
and acts directly on the blood and mucous
surfaces Of the system. Send for testimo-
malls free.
r. ]. CHENEY & CO, Toledo, Q.
Sold by all Druggists, 75c.
Take Halls Family Pills for constipation.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10
A SURGICAL
OPERATION

If there is any one thing that a
woman breads more than another it
is a surgical operation.
We can state without feaI of a
contradiction that there are hun
dreds, yes, thousands, of operations
performed upon women in u hos.
pitfalls which are entirely unneces-
sary and many have been avoided by
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-04-10
cascarets act like exercise.

II carried in your vest pocket, Cor carried
In My Lady's Purse,) and eaten just when
you suspect you need one. you will never
know sick day from the ordinary Ills of life.
Becs'.se these Ills begin In the Bowels.
and pave the way for all other diseases.
Vest Pocket box 10 cents. III
Be sure you get the genuine, made only
by the Sterling Remedy Company. and never
sold in bulk. Every tablet stamped "CCC."
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1908-01-30
news O MINNESOTA,
Avsrbs I Paic,.

SSV0tU8 . U40C.
Duluth. James J. laudeegan, stago
manager Ct the lFceum theater, did
the right thing at the 1ight time and
avoided 3 possible panic e 8 critical
time in the progress o6 the show,
''The Rollichng Girl = An audience,
with the terrible disaster at Boyer
town, Pa, fresh in mind, saw SER
pent OF flame shootup above the stage
but before panic could be started
the fire was extinguished in q rather
remarkable manner by Mr.. Lauder
gan.
There is q swinging scene in the play
In which girls occupy swings wrapped
in imitation moss, Illuminated by cleo
trio lights. One of the light bulbs
burst and instantly the moss was in
flames. IL Is .-. .@#a s,s..
. In the moment of suspense, big
James Laudergan walked calmly upon
the stage, and as if it were what he
was accustomed to do every day seized
the burning rope, climbed it hand over
hand until he reached the fire and ex-
tinguished it with his bare hands. .
He descended and walked off the
stage as calmly as he had sentered it,
although his hands had suffered in
extinguishing the fire.
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1908-01-30
Money to Europe.

: Biwabik.-The books Of the post
master of Biwabik show that more
than $50, 900 went through this office
to different portions of Europe during
1907. About $50, 600 went through the
Aurora postomce and $4,000 through
the McKinley postomce.
No figures are obtainable as to the
amount sent by the banks, but this
$145, 900 represents money sent home
by foreigners working in the mines.
High officials Of mining companies
estimate that more than million
dollars reposes in old socks on the
range, and that the amount may be
larger since the recent financial furry.
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1908-01-30
This Deer Needs q Lid.

McKinley.-The people of Nc inley
believe this town has the most Won
derful deer in existence. The animal
is the property of Joseph Ahlin, village
alderman, and could easily be made
an issue in the nature-faking discus
sion. This animal is one of two
deserted doe fawns that were picked
up in the woods near here early in
the spring.
In it's earliest infancy the animal
displayed a pugnacious disposition,
and later through the connivance of
local persons acquired taste for
lager beer. Now the deer visits GER
tain saloons daily, has knocked down
and badly injured boy that leased
it, has whipped terrier dog belong
ing to the mayor, DR.. J. @. Farmer,
has made trips of a week into the
woods and then returned safely to
town, and in addition has won the
hearts of tbs people, who vow VEN
geance on the hunter who shoots her.
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1908-01-30
Narrow Escape.

St. Paul.-Five little children had q
narrow escape from burning to death
when the home of Elmer Dazelle, So.
St. Paul, was completely destroyed
by fire, the result of a gasoline explo-
sion. The house was burned to the
ground and only few pieces of fur
niture we're saved.
The little children were playing in
an adjoining room when the stove ex-
ploded, it is thought, from a leak.
Mrs. Dazelle, who was getting supper,
made rush for her little ones, and
by the time she had taken two of
them outside of the house the flames
had spread into the room where the
others were. Grabbing them the best
she could the frantic mother dragged
the small children out of the burning
house just as the flames took possess
sion of the room. The family was
taken care Of by the neighbors.