Los Angeles herald., 1908-06-29

As the only one having
Platte-forin in fact"
July was named for julius Caesar by
Marc Antony. Marc was Caesars pro-
tege. His career was very much like
that of Mr.. Taft. Caesar liked him,
and whenever he came around the
great dictator would slap him on the
back with some such exclamation as
Marc. I will make you tribune!" He
kept his word, too, and always deliv-d
cred the goods to Mare at the Roman
conventions. Marc made the funeral
Grafton for Caesar, and he stirred up
the Roman populace until it wrecked
the baseball park looking for Brutus
and the rest of the Malta. He was also
the originator of the affinity idea. His
affinity was Cleopatra, and every time
he returned from Egypt his wife and
his mother-in-law met him at the dock
with set of golf clubs. He eventually
became the virtual ruler of Egypt, in
stituted local option and other reforms,
barged with the queen upon the moon
lit Nile and killed himself while he was
happy, knowing it couldn't last
The bill sent in by Teddy's side
For services to date.
Has been received and duly filed
Till can liquidate;
About the third the household bills
Will all come down the line.
But the Democratic party will
Not render its White House Bill
Until July the nine
July the Fourth will dawn again, di-
verting circumstance, and the bubbling
boy will light his punk before he finds
his pants. He'll roll down stairs with
screams of joy. contemptuous of hurt,
and start the battle when he burns the
tail off his shirt.
The youthful cannoneer will charge
his powder by the pound, and while he
does it many kids will boldly crowd
around. He'll light the fuse, and they
proper thrill they'll go to see If 1t is,
lighted yet. A loud kerbang "a scurvy
thing a cannon sometimes does) and
the angels looking down will sigh, "By
hoky-poke, it was!"
* When England and her tyrant king
Got too almighty skittish,
The angry patriots turned out
And blew up all the British;
And when the Fourth comes round again,
With no one to forbid it.
We all blow one another up
To show them how we did It.
On July % the sun will enter the 20
diacal sign of Leo the Lion. This will
make Mr. Roosevelt roar, and molly
coddles, nature takers, rich malefac-
tors, reactionaries and liars will take
to their holes. Sea lions will terrify
the young navy recruit, and labor will
knock off every twenty minutes and
rush the growler.
Boys born under Leo make good har-
vest hands and want So a day. They
have keen sense of smell and start
for the house before the meals are half
cooked. They roar upon very slight
provocation, never pay their bill until
the gas is shut off, and generally get
the lions share of an estate if ap-
pointed administrator.
The music of the binder will
Be heard the mere,
And the water boy will hunt the shade
And sweetly pound his ear,
The states that voted dry will pant,
And the boozers will defy
The foe to take another vote
In August or July.
The wife and children will resort
where they can swim and sail, and
they'll write for money every time the
boat takes out the mail. They'll keep
poor papa. shaving. man, a-digging in
his Jeans, and while they're eating
pompano, he'll make out on sardines.
They'll also live on mountain trout
and muskelonge and croaker, and pa
will try to pay for it with what he
wins at poker. He'll cheat like Bret
Harte's Chinaman, and when he shall
beseech forgiveness down upon his
knees and heaven seems out of reach,
his plea shall be, Forgive me, Lord,
my folks are at the beach!"
And Helie dear will honeymoon
with Anna his to hold,
And he will sigh, ma chere, you
Ara weight
Whereat she'll say while kissing him,
Beneath her broad brimmed hat.
''But, dear. don't weigh what did
When Boni told me that"
And then hot August will return, and
John D. get in line and pay his twelfth
installment on that thirty million fine.
The Anticipating Crusade
Everybody should help stop the public spit
ting habit by sending 2-cent stamp today
for our attractive. unique hanger card which
warns against splitting nuisances. People will
take notice of this card and once seen, never
fc crgotten. Address Dominocards Co., 1907
Chouteau, ST. Louis, Mo.
/ AMONG THE J0KESMlTHS