Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-04-16
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mer Wayback-IIow much did he
strike you for Somerville Journal.
"You don't agree then that seeing
Is believngY" Not much | see
some people every day that l never
could believe" e."-Philadelp Press.
Friend-I suppose the baby is fond
Of you? Papa-Fond of me? Why, he
sleeps all day when I'm not at home
and stays up all night just to enjoy my
society Town and Country.
John. do you love me" "Yes."
"Do you adore meY" IL s'pose." "Will
you always love me? "Ye-look here,
woman. what have you gone and or
dered sent home now?'-Lousville
Courier Journal
Finnegan-These scales Is no good
fur me at all, at all. They only weigh
the heft of 200 pounds, an weigh
near to 250. Flanagan-Well, man
alive. can't ye git on thin twice.
Philadelphia Ledger.
Don't you think that some men
make mistake in adopting politics as
career?' Yes, but it isn't as seri-
Gus as the mistake that politics makes
In adopting some men as its represent
atives." Washington Star.
You paid that man great compli-
ment when you elected him to office"
Yes" answered Farmer Corntossel,
I",,n' tha comnlinant Sort ~ ctortai O
habit. He has expected everything
complimentary ever since" Washing
ton Star.
Wilklns-Blinks says he does not
know you at all Bilkins-I'm not sur
prised. He never sees me, you know.
IWilkins-But thought you were mem
bers Of the same church? Bilkins--
Yes. but l Invariably take up the col.
lections.
Mr.. Green-No, my dear; l will not
tell you what I'm going to give you
for your birthday. Why can't you
women be content to walt and enjoy
being surprised? Mrs. Green-Oh, tell
me now If you keep your word, III
e surprised enough.
If you marry Grace" exclaimed az
rate father to his son, "Ill cut you off
without penny, and you won't have
so much as a piece OF pork to boil In
the pot" We'll" said the young man.
Grace before meat" And he imme-
diately went in search Of a minister.
His Fiancee-Oh, yes, it's lovely be
Ing engaged to you, Jack. But l do
wish you were rich man, dear. He
How rich, darling? His Fiancee-
Oh, rich enough for me to be able to
snub the people detest and still have
them call me amiable London Opin-
Ton.
And now. Uncle Ezra" she said
just before the guests had begun to
arrive, please remember not to eat
your pie with your knife" "All right.
Lizzie, but | wish you'd tell that young
woman that waits on the table to give
me an extry spoon. Chicago Record
Herald
First Stranger-Excuse me, but that
Is my umbrella you have. Second
Stranger don't doubt it. Just wait
till | call a policeman. First Stranger
What for? Second Stranger-Bur-
glars broke into my house the other
night and left this umbrella.-Ex-
"hange.
OIL Magnate-Ah, my boy, a million
aires position is hard one. Skeptical
Friend-As to how? Oil Magnate-If
| hoard my wealth. they say I'm
and If l try to give money
away they say l am trying to ease my
guilty onscience.-Louisville Courier
Journal.
Wife (angrily) there's no
use In arguing the matter any longer.
When l set my foot down, that covers
The entire ground. Husband (calmly)
i wouldn't make 1t quite that strong,
my dear but your foot certainly does
cover good deal Of ground-Ex-
change.
Disguised Wfe-Say, niggah, ebef
'ence All married yo yos dun muffin
cept sit round de house Doan yo'
,ber feel emmy ambishion? Lazy Hus-
)and-Ah feels ambishion wen Abs
'ittin' round hyah. honey, but jes' s
soon S All stahts ter wo'k All gifts dis
The family were discussing the com.
ng wedding Of the only daughter. "Of
'Ourse," said the bride to be to her fa-
her, you will give me away" I'm
lfraid | have done it already. my
lear" he replied. Il told George only
his morning that you had DISPOSE
ion just like your mothers"
The elevated railroad guard resign
d his position as an usher at the
hurch. 'It mixed me all up" he said.
When l was showing people into the
'ews on Sunday morning I'd tell 'em
o step lively, and once or twice [
tarted to take up collection i'm the
moking car."-Chicago Tribune.
On coming home from church on
sunday Archie's mother asked him how
e liked 1t, and Archie said ii was fine.
What do you like most In the
hurch?' asked his mother. well, the
est part is where they pass around
he money" and, turning to his father,
aid "IInU much Hi1 ,-n,, ,,,,g