Daily press. [volume] (Newport News, Va.) 1896-current, 1908-08-19
4 SYMPlTHIzINC'
FRIEND
BY Max Adelor.

street, q few days ago. he saw our
coroner. Barney Maginn. sitting upon
the steps Of his porch. with his race
between his knees. his hands locked
over the knees. and his mind evident
ly In q state OF deep despondency.
Peter Is sympathetic. as well as talk.
alive. and, taking q seat by the side OF
Maginn. he said:
What's the matter, Barney"
"Oh. nothing"
BECAUSE II you're growing over
that horse OF yours that died yester'
day. you're doing wrong You ought
to be glad he's dead and safe. lie had
the glanders awful Now. if he'd lived
maybe you'd "a caught them from
him: then Mrs. Mag!nn and the childfen
might "a got them: then they'd
given them to other folks and in about
week the whole town'd a been shuf'
fling around with the CHAMBERS. with
their Jaws swelled out terrific: ana
other towns'd a caught them. ana
they'd "a spread all over the world
and made the whole human race SICK
as thunder before they'd been
stopped. for all you know"
That isn't worrying me any said
Mr.. Maginn.
Then it must be because the
Washy Hose company has elected
Prince Won Bulow an honorary mem
Der. and he's accepted. while the RI
deity Hook and Ladder. your COM
pany, haven't got any bigger honorary
member than Bishop Potts. Now. l
wouldn't distress myself about that.
barney. What's the use? You know
we'll enough old Won Bulows not going
to come over here and run with those
fellows. He's not going to grab
trumpet and go pelting and hollerine
to a fire, and shin up a ladder with
section Of hose. and yell through his
trumpet for them to turn on the water
and then climb down and mash a FL
deity mans nose with spanner.
He's not that kind of man. He's TOO
busy. Those Hohenzollerns amt 60
ing to let him hustle around squirting
at fires while they can afford to pay
him a salary. They're too much at
tached to him. So cheer up. 1t isn't
worth bothering about"
1T isn't bother;ng me-" said Mr. Ma
ginn. still keeping his head down and
splitting over his toes.
We'll. If it's those cramps in your
stomach coming on again-well, what's
the odds? They amt going to kill
you. l wouldn't let them make me low
spirited. know man who had
cramps down there for IS years
straight ahead without any let-up; but
he wore a smile all that time. and was
always cheerful. You just tackle
them. You spread a mustard-plaster
over the outside. and put some pare
goric on the inside. and wear flannel.
and lay over the back of a chair when
they hurt you bad. and get your wife
to knead your stomach once day
with the potato-masher or something.
or else thump yourself with rolling
pin, and you'll be all right in little
while. You're an American citizen.
think OF what the patriots suffered In
the revolution, Think of Valley Forge
and the heroes who bled there. and a
mere cramp in the stomach seems r.
diculous. Now. don't be miserable
about it,"
Il haven't got any cramp." replied
Mr.. Maginn.
There's your mother-in-iaw!
know she died on Saturday. but what's
the good of going on about her? Shes
dead and there's an end of 1t. You
might blubber your head OF and she
wouldn't come back. She knows when
she's well on. You ought to try to
bear up under It. These aflictions
come to all OF US: they are meant for
our good ! dare say that old lady put
away ten dollars worth OF victuals In
q week. Now she never gets hungry.
and you bag the difference. You das,
sent chew tobacco In the house when
she was around Now that she's an
angel she Amt 50 particular. and you
can spit all over the carpet II you've a
ulluU Anu osaS w" sSSS w
make, and not so many clothes 10 the
wash. and the soap goes farther: so
any way you look at II her loss IS your
gain: and unless she turns into ghost
and haunts you. which I don't believe
she's capable Of. you ought to rejoice
that you've shook her.
Z am glad II doesn't trouble me IT
all" said Magina.
Z was going 20 say" continued
Peter. that II you we're low-spirited
because Pi;man's dog licked your dog
IN that eight on Wednesday. II was fool.
ish. because all you've got to do Is IN
feed your dog on raw beef for a while
and thea iron-clad him with an elbow
Of stovcp.pe. and set him on Pitman's
dog sornc time when you get = chance.
Why he'll "a, that animal NJ. Hell