Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1908-08-22

forbids us to cat, said the chairman,
but that Is exactly what you have
done. II is against the law to eat
fresh vegetables here.
II was much alarmed, fearing
might starve to death, but | knew
those men were living and that there
fore there must be something to eat
in this strange land: so tried to be
game and | told the waiter to bring
me some cereal of some kind, didn't
care what, but oatmeal preferred.
Isn't that too bad! exclaimed
the chairman. Only last week we
voted in favor Of making it felony
to cat oatmeal.
What!' | cried In distress. No
meat, no eggs, no fresh vegetables,
no ccreals,-are dried and canned
vegetables barred
Yes the chairman replied sadly.
Many OF our members do not like
dried and canned vegetables or dried
and canned fruits, SO they voted that
the rest of us should not eat them.
" In the name of heaven, | Shrek
ed, what do you eat here? What
do you men eat? How do you live.
1--WE eat nothing but nuts the
chairman told me.
"'Nuts!' | cried. Nothing but
ruts!'
That's ALL he answered. Moth
ing but nuts-not even water. In
fact, we have no water here.
IAN this time the other commit
, tccmcn regarded my discontinue
with great deal of sympathy. It
showed in their countcnanccs. But
they said nothing.
No food but nuts!' walled And
why only nuts?
Because We are all nutty.' the
committeeman answered in unison.
but am not nutty.' | shouted
angrily.
No, not now the chairman re-
piled, but you will be If you stay
here long,
Gentlemen said, I do not un-
dcrstand, On what kind of theory
Is this place run? What kind of Il
tawn Is IT,
a prohibition town; in fact Il
prohibition land tho chairman an
swered. Let me explain: We have
applied prohibition principles wher-
ever IL Is possible. IT some man does
not like any particular thing, he be-
gins an agitation against it, and un-
der our system of government the
election Is always carried by the an
It's. just why. cannot explain. hut
the ants always win, no matter what
the article may be-
I'VE have voted out all foods. as
) you have learned. Years ago we vot-
! ed out cigars, all tobacco, in fact. The
people. who didn't like newspapers,
magazines, and books started an agi-
, tation and we voted them out. Then
we voted out street cars, because
, three or four nervous women didn't
like them, but guess it's just as well
we did. for we have no street lamps
, and we'd probably be run down and
5 killed If the cars ran, because wher
we abolished them 1t was against The
: law to have lights in or on them. OF
| to have gongs on them.
4 " Yesterday an agitation was star
e cd against barber shops, and in few
$ weeks they Will be abolished.
D 81 took the chairman aside.
" I suppose you voted dry here,
| | said. L mean you voted out tn,
saloons,
: :" Yes, we voted dry he answered
T. That's all right | said. let
$ you and / shake the other fellows an,
v hunt up speak-easy.'
$ ITS no use" he replied. 'Yo,
3 can't get drink of anything in thi
| place
| Why | said, the only place tina
c ever heard of where man can't &c
Q drink is hell
d Sure, said the chairman, AN
that's exactly whore You are now
d % fell over in faint and the
invoke up"