davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
large HnfpinS.

One Of the favOrite fads Of the moment
seems 10 be abn0rmally large hat pins
They are formed Of weird Jumps OF
mineral. enameled metal. china, or glass.
The prettest specimens shown are Of
inlaid tortoise shell and those Of Japan
eSe carved ivory
Horn, in a lovely shade Of green. is be-
ing pressed into service. and is also used
for the new backcombs, slides, and pins
for the hair.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
World md Poet.

Sing to us Poet, for our hearts are broken
Sing Us song of happy. happy love.
Sing Of the JOY thar words le8re an unspokcn-
The lit and laughter of life. oh sing thereof
Oh. sing Of life fer we are sick and dying;
Oh sing oi ioy, for an our joy is dead:
Oh. sirg ef laughter, fer we know but signing;
Oh. sing cf kissing for We xiii insead,'
How should be sing Of hapUy love. I pray.
Who drank loves cup Of anguish long agog
How slhuld he sing of life and soy and day,
Who HhisIers Death 10 end his night Of woel
And yee the Poet took his lyre and sang
TN BIZ thc dales With happy echoes rang.
~Richard Hoyey.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
Strange.


Prom Illustrated Bits
Clara-Tu give you a conundrum- Why
is man like q carpet?
Toni give IL Up
CIsra-WeH, he's no sooner down than
people walk all over him.
T0m-Oh, pshaw Man IS totally unlike
a carpet, for the more dust he has, the
less likely he is 70 get the shake.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
SIGN LANGUAGE.
some OF the Remarkable PIacaFds TO
lie seen i'm New York.
BUSINESS MEMS LUNCH
SERVED Inside.

Look at that sign" said the cranky
man. as he pointed 20 q placard IN a
window, says the New York Press.
Where else would business mans
lunch. or any other persons lunch. be
served, except inside? I tell you, sir
sign composition is an unknown art. And
there's another. only worse" and he
pointed 10 the following:
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
AIusieaIIy Inclined.

From Modern Society.
Maud tat a concerU-Oh!'I Just dote on
Beethoven.
Charlie-DO you?
Maud-Yes. indeed Beethovens music
is so delicate, so refined, so soulful, il
doesn't Interfere with the conversation
at all
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
4 Triae Damp.

From Punch.
Golfer-An' what like a day had ye here
yesterday. Macpherson
Macpherson-Oh, an awfu' day. It
was just pOurin'l
Golfer-Weel. weel. an in the toon we
Just had a local shower,
Macpherson-Ah. weeI can assure you
it wasna local here whatever,
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
WHY He Looked So

From the Phiadelphis Press.
"Of course" said Tess AT Miss
Yearner's wedding to Mr. Timmid. "the
bride looks lovely, as brides always
do"
Yes replied Jess. but the bride
groom doesn't lie appears rather run
down"
"oh, yes; caught after a long chase"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
A Strong Bluff.

From the Chicago News
First stranger-Excuse me. but that's
my umbrella you have.
Second Stranger don't doubt IT, Just
wait here till l call a policeman.
First Stranger-What for?
Second Stranger-Burglars broke into
my house the other night and left this
umbrella.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19

BY means OF four small puIeys. an
alarm clock. two weights. and few
yards Of cord Joseph Mclean, Of South
Manchester. Conn. is enabled to sleep
later mornings and to dress in a warm
room. The cOntrivance Is connected with
the furnace in the cellar I'm such a way
that when the alarm clock goes of at
i O'Clock the furnace door closes and the
drafts omen
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
The EElrn scsaion HabIt.

From the New York Tribune
Gov. Campbell has decided that the
eXigeucies of Texas are not so great as
to demand the calling of a special legig-
lative session. If the governors do not
get over their present habit of calling
special sessions on every possible excuse
We shall seriously consider recommending
to the people that no special session be
called except by initiative and referendum
and that the people have a right to
speedy recall whenever they get tired
Of their lawmakers.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
PhYsicnI Gcnrrnnhr-

The following answer, SAYS the Youths
Companion. was recently given I'm a Ee-
ogTaphy oXamiuaJion.i in reply TO the Ques-
ton. From what direction do most Of
our rains Gomez"
Most OF our rains come straight down,
but some of them come sideways"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
BrotherIy Love.

tTom th9 Bellman.
Cp in Boston the ether day a young
lawyer who spends most Of his time
trying TO seem busy and prosperous
went out for awhile, leaving on hts
door card neatly marked: "Win be
back in an hour" On his return hs
found that some enviOus rival had in
scTibed underneath. What for?"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
PANTS PRESSED WHILE YOU WAIT

How in the dickens are you going to
set your pants pressed unless you waite
Ever hear Of a tailor with q scheme for
pressing your pants while sou strolled
down street, Sure you must wait, even
If you are rich enough 90 own two pair
You must wait for one pair if you send
them 10 be pressed. mustn't y0u7 But
here's sensible sign at last. Let's go
in." And he headed for a place which
displayed the legend.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
..Mountain Highn Waves.

When writer's speak of waves noun
tain high they are merely indulging in
poetic extravaganza. \ wave exceeding
thirty feet in height is seldom encoun-
tered. Some have been seen on the At
lantic that reached height Of forty
four to forty-eight feet, but that was en-
tirely exceptional.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
The Two-miIe walk.

From the Chicago Tribune.
Suggesting a tw0-mile walk 10 and
from ones Office is'not unreasonable. but
It has been suggested by every family
doctor from time TO time immemoriaI, and
usually has been Systematically anG
conscientiousiy neglected. Poor human
nature is not proof against street cars.
automobiles, and other impediments TO
health
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
1Imna fnr nnEr.

Tn Paris a new use has been found for
the huge muffs, muffs of such pro
digious size that when offered here by
furriers American women looked ask
ance AT them, save for motoring.
The lively Freuchwoman has utilized
them for storing away her tiny pet dog
when she takes him out Many Of the
newest of these muffs are adorned with
many tails, while the heads and paws
ere also much used
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
BRITISH, D0N-CHER-KNOW.
Knew the Bread.


From Purcb.
called 10 settle an account that con-
ta.us. among other items a number OF
unexpected chargesl-"Why don't you
come inside instead OF standing there in
the doorway
Client (warily)-"No. thankee. Mister.
I'd rather not. I knows what you're
after You'd be charging me rent il I
did"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
WHERE ARE THEY AT?o
Missouri Editor Asks for CertBia
Lost Persons


Lost Persons.
The Columbia NIo1 Herald. published
at the seat of the state University, In
quiTes,
what has become Of the old-fashioned
boy who read Plutarchs LivesG What
has become OF the old-fashioned political
leader who told the people what was best
for them before he found out Wnlt the
people wanted? What has become of the
oid-.ashioued mother who preferred the
society Of her babies 60 Ciubs2 What
has become of tbe oId-fashiouad mother
Who reared fourteen children, by the
way2 What has become OF the old-fash-
toned girl who thought hetrotbal as
scored as marriage? What has become
IF the od-fashioued man who knew how
Co mind his own business-and practioed
what De knew? What has become Of the
old-fasbioBed father who was a compan-
ion for his boy?
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
Prudence.

Prom th, Chicago Record Herald
Geraldine" he asked would you love
me if I were nenniless?"
"Of course 7 would, YOU silly b0v
Why do you ask such a question:
"A friend Of mine has just given me
a tin ON a sure thing IN the stock
market, and / wanted 10 know whether
ir would be safe for me to take
advantage of it,"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
THE LOST.

There's ninety and nine ia the fold tonight
And the air is keen with frOst.
Yet the hin the shepherd still
Seess for lamb that's lost
There's warmth and cheer in the old home nest.
But orc IN the world. wind-tossed
Tho mothers heart still drifts apart
In search for one that's lost.
There's plenty Of fish in the sea. 7 know.
But, ah ny heart the cost
For mem'ry clings with fondest wings
Around the love ! lost
John Randolph Stidman.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
German Indifference 10 religion.

From the Independence Beige.
In Germany all Institutions are based
on religion, the laws as we'll as educa-
ton. The pastor takes the lead i'm all
ceremonies. And yet there is undoubted-
ly no nation so Indifferent to religion as
the Germans. Their churches are only
half-hlled. and the contrast with the
crowded places of worship in England is
striking.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
Changed His Mind.

Prom the Chicago News.
well. what are you doing there?"
asked the lady, addressing tramp who
had just climbed a tree in time TO escape
a savage bulldog.
Madam" replied the hobo. 1T was my
intention to ask for a hand-Out, but in
the interest of humanity l now request
that you give any surplus food you may
have on hand to my canine friend down
there
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
HOW 10 DecIine Pnetrr

From Illustrated Bits
Editor-I am obliged to decline your
poem with thanks I am very sorry,
POet-But what2
EditOr-The management insists unon
my declining all poems politely, you
know
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
MOralizinEs.

A woman in time is one in nine.-NIiz-
uer
Only the young die goOd.-Mumford.
Faint purse ne'er won fair LADY
Pulitzer.
One obtains success to-day more by
the noise that one makes than by the
talent that one has.-Edouard Pailerom.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
Explained.


from Haal.
Lady-You send a great number of
dresses to the laundry every week, Mary.
Why is It? Ny daughter does not send
nearly SO many.
Mary-WeH, you see, mum, your daugh-
ter is engaged to a harchitect. goes out
with a sweep.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
Not His Kind.

From pickAle-Up.
Would you die for me?" she asked
.dreamily.
"Oh. say" he retorted in a matter-of
fact way. 'if you haven't any more
ambition than 70 be looking for dead
ones. you're not the girl for mei"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
4 Change Desired.

PROM Judge.
Mr. Wyss-NIy dear. I wish you would
arrange your hair the way you had il
last evening.
Mrs. Wyss-Oh Justin, simply can't
do that. 1t completely changes my ap-
pearance.
mr. Wyss (quietly)-T am fully aware Of
that, my love
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
To Make Sure.

From the London Globe.
How would you use your sword. ask
ed the fencing instructor If your op-
p0nent feinted?"
Tickle him with the point. sergeant %
answered the resOurceful recruit prompt
ly. Ito see if he was shamming'
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
The Retort courteous.

From the London Telegraph.
Husband-I suppose you only married
me because I had a little money.
Wife-Paul, that's unfair You know
I'd have married you If you'd had loadsl
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
Through the Ice.

From Punch.
Well well, and what did your father
whip you for, little boy?" asked the
wise old man.
For swimmin'. I expect"' bIubbered
the urchin.
What. You didn't go swimming this
weather."
NO, Iwent skatin'. but I wound up
swimmin'"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
The Woman of the Fnture.

Prom the independent
She viii be juster than the woman Of
the present, because she knows more and
thinks more clearly; she will be better be-
cause she is stronger; milder because she
is wiser. She Will be able to take a
broader view of life and its meaning, and
in this way she viii lose certain preju-
diCes which are now known as virtues.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
MOVING VANS

Now. those vans aren't moving. They're
stationary at present. and II they were
moving, wouldn't that fact be patent?
Such signs make me tired. Look at that
one pointing TO a card which read
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
A Nc,r Yenr Home

From the st. Louis 0st-DisTatCh.
One bad habit that might as well end
with the new year is the learned discus
sion of defects in naval construction by
iand lubberS in the Mississippi Valley.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19

From Sketchy Bits
We'll, what would you do If you had
no wife to do your mending for your"
IF Z had no wife. I could afford to buy
new clothes
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
Must he.

From the Houston Post
His wife is perfect sumner, is she
notc"
I guess she must be; he has looked
stunned ever since she married him"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
Polish Anything.

From Ally sloper's Half Holiday.
Shoeblack-POlish your boots, sir?
Tof-Hang you, boy, no.
Shoeback-Polish up your manners.
then, sir?
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
what the Doctor said.

lGam Punch
Neighbor-And what did the doctor saw
Old Man-'E said no more medicine. but
# ye take a little walk Of marnin' on
the Common, and get the air, mebbe you'll
live to be oXveenarisn.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
ALIKE IN THEIR LIMITATIONS.

Who first called a woman a cat
Was neither observing nor nice:
There's very vide difference. I'm sure,
in the views that they hold about miee.
Ot course. both are TuITing and soft.
And alike they viii scratch von. but sfiu
a woman can't Un up a tree
N0T a cat up a milliners bill.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19

From Pick-aIe-up.
that you have mastered all the modern
tongues.
Prof Wise-An but my uifes
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
4 Broken ResoIutIon.

lrom tie Pittsbug Post.
II thought You turned over new
leaf2r
Wei. the darned thing blew back"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
A New Excuse

what DO you mean by coming home
al this time I'm the morning.
"Tain't my fault my dear. They'd
all gone, and I didn't have any one to
talk to-
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
Vfndfcated.

From Hlper's Weekly.
so Mrs. Gunson has only been married
once2"
Yes; but she made another man Of her
husband" "
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
No Wonder.

From Judge.
1nke-How foine IN polacemin IN tn
park look!
Pat-An' phoy not? Don't aich wan
how "a nurse?
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
Qualified 20 Judge.

From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
What do you think Of this money
sjrinsencyG'
Think of it, Why. it's my normal con
dition
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
Quite Different.

From Town Topics.
She dndignantly)-You had no business
to kiss me!
He-But it wasn't business, it was
pleasure
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
The A Accusation.

From Iugend
JOHANN have fifteen children. And
you, Hans-how many call you father?
Hans-Eight. Johann.
Johann-What! And are you. then. one
Of those iniidels who believe in race sui
Cide2
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
sIal.inE LigI,t of Rules.

From the Harvard Lsmpoon.
Il ebafe against the regulations
murmured the college girl as she pre-
pared the surreptitious Welsh rarebit
at a. N.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
SHOES sHINED INSIDE

who in the world wants shoes shined
inside? Shoes should be shlned outside
And look az that:
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19

From Puck.
The Dentist-Now, Johnnie, brace up.
TN be all over in minute.
Boy-Yes. but-gee, think Of that min.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
DON'T

Don't advertise yosJr trouble,
Or speak Of ans loss.
Or think Of playing double
With any kind Of boss.
Don't talk Of gTip or fsilurs
To any one sou meet.
Or mention any matter
To cause them 10 retreat,
Don't give advice to others
Who suffer wrong and pain,
But help each human brother
To right himself again.
Don't be forever talking
OF what you re going 10 do.
But work and help while walking
Win those who work fer you.
JOHN A. JOYCE.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
Time, , A. VI.

From Judge.
Husband-A storm prevented my
coming home sooner
Wife-A storm What kind-rain
hail. wind barn or brain?
The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
The 1Iortiacation of Paul.

There was young fellow named Paul,
Who went 90 a fancy dress hall.
During one If the dances
He fractured his Iances
Aud had to 50 home in a shawl
Boston TTauscriDt
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1908-04-22
senatpr stephen B. Elkins.

All West Virglnians who know
Senator Stephen B. Elltins and come
in contact with him agree with the
May number Of Success, which has
the following ,on his splendid per-
sonality:
Personally, Stephen B. Elkins is
one of theamost popular and congen-
ial men in the United States Senate.
He is approachable and considerate
to his colleagues and to the general
public. "A gentleman who has been
associated with him in business and
in politics for fifteen years, says that
he never knew Mr.. Elkins to lose
his temper, aud that the same poise,
benevolence, and optimism is display
ed equally in politics, business. or
the domestic relations. 1t Is a part
of Mr. Elkins's philosophy to be hap
py and contented. to avoid anger and
gloom, to live simply, exercise great
deal, and to look on the sunny side
Of things generally.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1908-04-22
WONDERFUL RESULTS
GREAT WORK CONTINUES

The longer the Quaker Health
Teacher remains In a city, the more
remarkable seem the results obtain
ed from the use of the Quaker Herb
Remedies. Yesterday over dozen
cases OF rheumatism were reported
cured in Fit. Wayne. Ind. where he Is
now introducing these tried remedies
and great number of people also re-
ported Improvement In severe cases
of catarrh--a and stomach troubles.
Mr.. John Kirby, aged seyenty-six
years, residing on Fairfield avenue.
said: Your Quaker Herb Extract
and OIL Of Balm have done me more
good than all other. remedies I have
ever used. Ny entire system was
run down. was subject to dizzy
spells, was very nervous. had no APP
petite; had severe pains across my
back; in fact all my joints ached me.
have now used one bottle Of Quaker
Herb Extract and applied the OIL Of
Balm for few days and am now
happy to state that all aches and
pains have left me-"
Miss Lizzie Coates, Of Washington.
Ind. writes:
for SeVeraI years l nave been the
victim of indigestion and chronic
stomach troubles. I suffered with
heartburn, was restless in my sleep
and was loosIng strength and flesh.
heard Of the remarkable cures OF
Quaker Herb Extract and decided to
try some. Before / had taken the
first bottle, a great Improvement was
noticed. continued It's use and each
day Igrew stronger. Ny digestion Is
now perfect, my sleep sound and my
weight gradually increasing"
Many others called and reported
themselves cured. but prefer not to
have their names published.
Remember Quaker Herb Extract Is
$1.00 per bottle, for $2.5O, and the
great assistant remedy, OIL of Balm,
25c per bottle. and they cure rheu-
matism, catarrh., kidney. liver. stom-
ach and blood troubles These won
derful remedies arc for sale at Wells
& Haymakcr's. and all sufferers from
the above complaints should not de-
lay any longer, as of course the long
err disease is neglected. the stronger
the hold on the system.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1908-04-22

F A. whelan is here from weston.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1908-04-22

THE people who turn their backs
on the towns progress, says the
Connellsville Courier. always want
to ride free on the Car OF Progress;
and they usually do in spite OF the
fact that they ought to be charged
double fare" If one OF those new
tangled pay-as-you-enter cars were
used some Of these moss backs would
have a miserable time. But let 1t
be hoped that the dead head list will
not increase.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1908-04-22

There could be no greater folly
than for three men, the Democratic
trio to conclude that they couid and
would rhhsthe city council, composed
Iof ten men ana, while. due consIdera-
ton should Be given the minority, II
the latter shows Itself worthy Of
such. the majority is entitled to and
should rule. this being wen settled
principle in government Of and by 3
free people.
The people are represented by the
council as a body and not by a
minority and high-handed practices
should not be tolerated by the major
itys which is In absolute control Of
councilmanic matters.
There are problems to work out
and the majority proposes to work
them out to the best interests Of the
people and their constituents as they
see 1t and not for the desire of po-
litical preferment and design.
The motive of the Democratic end
is plain. 1t made 1t so, when 1t uh-
dertook SO strenuously to hurl the
city charter aside in disdain and
create an oligarchy over which the
mayor and chief should reign su-
pYeme. 1t is evident that 1t was NOT
SO much ,the desire to promote the
welfare Of the city as 1t was to fur
Their political ends. and. perhaps, pay
a few campaign pledges.
The casual observer readily saw
that the first step on the part of the
minority was to inject politics of the
most partisan nature into the coun.
CHS deliberations. instead Of non
partisan thought and action in be.
half of the city and her citizens.
It,is problematicaI to what extent
partisan politics and motives would
have been carried, had the majority
not promptly Called halt en- the
movement and decislvely defeated the
design. =
Republican policies are better than
Democratic all know who have watch
ed. the growth OF the country the last
half century or even but few years,
and. while Republican councllmanic
bodies of Clarksburg have not ad-
hered to the political line but depart
ed literally from 1t in the further
ance of the work, yet, If partisan
plans are pursued by the minority.
1t is but natural that more or less Of
opposite partisan action will be driv-
en- into the deliberations Of the ma
jority,
The Democratic trio, or represen-
tation in council, has doubtless thus
early awakened to the fact that ad-
herence to partisan plans and efforts
invite disaster and defeat, such as
prevailed at even the initial meeting
of the new copncilmanic body.