davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The broad ax., 1908-02-29
Humor
HER MESSAGE.
IL Would Take q Load OF Johns Mind
When He Got Il.

n Would Take q Load OF Johns Mind
When He Got Il.
After a bitter family quarrel the hus.
hand had declared that he wouldn't
sneak to his better half again in five
wears. AS usual, she went him few
hetter and retorted that it would be q
pood ten years before he would hear
her gentle voice again. A few days
later the wife called up her brother on
the telephone and the following con-
Tersatio1 took place:
"Hello! Is this you, JohnT
"Yes. What Is II, Sis?"
"You know, John, that Dick and l
have Quarreled?"
what! Again?"
Eyes, and it's all his fault"
"oh, certainly! What's the trouble
this timer
why, he got angry Just because he
received q bill for a City dollar hat
ordered"
II don't BIZ That is, the wretch"
isn't he? We are not going to
speak to each other again for years
and years"
"Bosh! Slap him on the back and
call him old sport and make it up.
You folks can't 50 along that way"
I'VE managed all right until the hired
girl left last night. but now there is no
one to deliver our messages to each
other"
Gee, 1t must be tough to have to
can In one Of the neighbors to ask
your husband for car fare to so shop
ping"
'Oh, it's not as bad as that. he sees
that have plenty Of money without
,ssking for it. Now. John, ] want you
TO give Dick a message from me-"
'Sure! I'll come up tonight and
spank both Of you for acting 50 child
tlh."
"No. the message can't wait that
long. / want you to phone him imme-
diately after l leave the instrument
IN hurry upstairs so he VIII have to
answer It"
~An right, Sis. Where Is he now?'
Hes trying to cook himself an egg.
You know the girl left"
poor devI mean the fool! Wen,
what shall tell him?"
Tell him, John, that there Is q can
e sardlnes In the pantry and that /
Wm make the coffee just as soon as he
80 out Of the kitehen."-A B. Lewis
q Judge.
The broad ax., 1908-02-29
Paris Not q GAY City.

bashxed idea IN the mind Of the
average Anglo Saxon that Paris IL the
gay city, the home Of engaging frivoli-
u, the spot where the grasshopper
perenniaIly chirps and dances In pros
pertty, defying the fabulist.. The truth
b far different. The visitor may fig
ure the gay city to himself as a siren
IN pink, but the resilient knows her
a. a shreRd' old lady, stunning an old
stocking with fat eoppers or fatter
Gilvee pieces. She Is, indeed, enrich
ing herself at the expense Of her long
suffering Inhabitants, for everything
Il becoming dearer" IL the cry Of the
housekeepes In Paris. Articles Of
consumption and other necessaries
have increased alarmingiy In price
since the year 1902. In I'VE years
bread has risen 10 per cent, beef %
per cent veal II per cent, mutton Is
per cent, pork q per cent, butter II
Per cent, cheese 25 per cent, fish 80
Per cent, etc-Modern Society.
The broad ax., 1908-02-29

SHave I had many proposals.,
laughed Blanche Bates when she was
lately asked the question By an In
Quisitiye acquaintance. II should
think I had! Got lots Of fun out Of
some Of them too. The most eomical
one ever had was fromsa man who
owned travelling show. I didn't care
nH him ON atom, but ne was extreme
b importunate. enc day he made q
frantic appeal to me. using. As be
tkoaghk an unanswerab1e argument.
sYoud better have me- he urged.
9gOW, think over Il. Take q few days,
but think oEsr Il You know you
Wq't have p 50 n tie paEadA''-
- Lolis Repahlie,
The broad ax., 1908-02-29
n Wasa STAGE Brand.

Gertrude. aged four, had been to
tie matinee. Later she tried TO de-
scribe the play to grownup friend
They drank wine," said Gertrude
SHnA then they an went out"
well" said the friend expectantly.
Sand what happened nextF
Gertrude worked. her small brain
hard.
Il guess" she said, they spit IT
eGt"-New York Press.
The broad ax., 1908-02-29
The cuks Jan.

II 3 he ambition q every Up to
dsts Jap to learn English At Re nrzt
eppoEtnnify. At enc e two o. the
Japanese ho6slB WaB rather paz1ied
81 q 1liIs adhered By the eager and
almost anxioas politsAeB With witch
japanese yeuths oHerad 70 cone nor a
VAN with ne. But / discovered hat
1RE nnlT WHnfea Tn lsnspn = Gne-
nlA.-RtEand NaEaGlne.
The broad ax., 1908-02-29

H0w do you like that new cook Of
youDF asks the neighbor. els she
nicer
Nicer enthusiastically echoes the
OthG. "Nice7 Why, she treats me as
though she considered me her equal"
With q sigh Of envy the neighbor
changes the subject-LpptneOtrs
The broad ax., 1908-02-29
Pniudi&

Robert, this spelling paper II very
POOR" complained the small boys
teacher. Nearly every word II mark.
Cd wrong"
1T wouldn't have been 20 bad" pro.
tested Robert but Annie corrected
my paper, and she's mad at me. and
for every little letter that I got wrong
she crossed out the whole word"-Lp-
ptneott,R.
The broad ax., 1908-02-29

have even understood electricity, as
wires corresponding TO our own tele-
graph wires have been found IN
Egypt" --...-
That may be-" answered Pat but
the fact that no wires have been found
In Ireland proves beyond q doubt that
the Irish were In the habit Of using
wireless teiegraphy."- Philadelphia
Ledger.
The broad ax., 1908-02-29
Hia nfMeuItN.

You wrong me-" said Flooding
Pete, when you say amt HiIlih, 10
WeFk. I'm 5es' dytn' to work."
Then what's the troubleT'
Tn too conscientious. Whenever /
cit . Job I'm 90 anxious to Nh Il well
Dat gifts stage frght"-Washington
Star.
The broad ax., 1908-02-29

The star actress In the play was Q
discovery by the manager. Hs found
hsr working In laundry"
That accounts for #"
Accounts for whatT
The way she mangies her partsH
Baltimore American.
The broad ax., 1908-02-29
Leland Giants Baseball and Amusement Assn.
y Now 0rganizIng-capital Stock
100000

Leland Giants Ball Association has
Association
fr propose permanent Home For Ihe Leland
Ball Club and Establishing All People, The Only First
Light
WILTON Roller Skating Hurley Bury Double Swing Boating Auto
1000
location z9 Wentworth Ave. 800
ride on the Electric Cars to the Loop District in Chicago
Public doubled
Millions by those Who Take Stock In
This New Enterprise
OF The Owning And Operating This Inn
October
The Life Freedom Citizen uoesd
The Answer eanon effectively subscribing Stock this Corpora
Loyal Members the
Share Twentieth Enterprise. Think
this
Holiday where
Amusement Association Do to-day build
Leland Giants Base Ball & Amusement Assn
Mr Beauregard F. Oseley; Trsas:-
Enclosed please find S.---.,---
an sending subscription fee
the Capital Stock of the Leland Giants Base Ball Amusement
agree pay
paid a time am o my
An payments on s:os. 40 Name
TrssHTsT sass Hli5sd
holders are entitled pSSsE Address
hao S si the sF 41sssss eH ~u S1S SsG
ions to apply rsmpEymsa City
au, 81 l.e9' cans HaS.T sasai 81
State ----
.7e 20
The broad ax., 1908-02-29
But Not For PAVING R.nI,.

- see Slekman. has bought an auto
mobile / didn't think he had sum-
cent means to. spend money that
way"
@oh, he has al kinds Of means Of
borrowing and spending money."-Bo-
kamlaA Magazine.
The broad ax., 1908-02-29
Catching the Wayfarer.

Catching the Wayfarer.
Cogger-Tbe good parson told me I
should always be trying to lift up my
fellow man.
Hotorwood-What did you answerf
Cogger-I told him I would put a
scoop on my automobile at the earliest
opportunity Chicago News.
The broad ax., 1908-02-29
shSa cSIiss.

exuaF hnuhand: ths post must. taks
osnaf pleasure n seeing hlmself n
DEinks
eYaG hut e hesd Get . jeh 7 right
~ - pressure of sesils myle8 -
11uoshing better thsn PRINT KApeas
90 TlmsE
The broad ax., 1908-02-29

4oeDfa AreAealoaT. -
Pa Was having a aEf1msE vi,h q
e1ana whO va Nsl1 god q snsIsnf
hlstsR
How feollzh g ysa = O1hlnd that
- 6ns1S liisk V6iS mi1 SaSanesa
~ ths eneisnE Eyp4anAS 80 ~
Aisnd wig. o. Neyynaqa PPlt
The broad ax., 1908-02-29
The NibhIsn

HlpM Ryetop- 50. TIE checker cub
.ez Z hses On De Psnana csaaL NJ
How iong did they argua, 1s6f
I 1hs etoeksspsr-Enfas 90: Haaf q
~eD e ehSesA pock e psana4 INT
- 60 peAcA1s "A Q poeia e ga.
The broad ax., 1908-02-29
A Times Chance.

A. Times Change.
Politics q getting 10 be wondsffully
intervening" said the observer.
yea, answered Senator Sorghum,
II b mighty interesting; but between
,yOu and me-. Il im't near 20 much Of ah
Avesment a. II used 10 ba--washine-
I'm Star.
The broad ax., 1908-02-29

She-This wine Doesn't seem to 20
b your head as quickly a. It does 10
mine. - -------- 4
Hs-No. Th&t - probably. bsesnss
4 has farther tp.eo.,
The Ocala evening star., 1908-05-09
VOTE ron
c. l. BlTTINGER

FOR ONE OF MARIoN's REPRE-
sENTATivEs TO THE LEeIsLA-
TuRE. HE HAS BEEN A CITIZEN
AND TAXPAYER IN ocALA FOR
TWENTY-FIVE YEARS. He HAS
SHOWN BY HIS LIFE HERE THAT
He BELIEVES IN PROGRESS, AND
EVERY ELEMENT THAT MEANS
THE 5ETTERMENT OF SOCIETY.
EVERY SECTION THAT PRESENTS
A CANDIDATE APPEALS TO ITS
VOTERS TO STAND BY ITS REP
REsENTATlvE. CAN ocALA DO
LEssa
The Ocala evening star., 1908-05-09

The Woman's Presbyterial Mission
ary Union OF Suwannee Presbytery
will convene in the Presbyterian
church "Wednesday at 10 a. m. and
continue through Thursday the 14th.
Delegates from Jacksonville, Gaines
vile. Luraville, Lake City and other
places will be in attendance. An in
teresting program has been arranged
and the ladies taking part in the con-
ferences and discussions that will be
held come prepared to give pleasant
and profitable entertainment to all
who may attend the daily sessions. A
cordial invitation is extended to all
the ladies of the other churches Of
the city. There will be p promise
service on Thursday evening to which
a general invitation is extended. The
best musical talent of the city will
take part in this final service. Seats
are free.
The Ocala evening star., 1908-05-09

the terribly distressed prohibition pa
tient. and that audience demanded to
know how every candidate stood on
that question.
1t was apparent in the fight for tax
assessor Phillips had Aver on the de-
fensiye. While Aver is the best story
teller and campaigner in the whole
bunch, yet Phillips is turning that old
'possum story that Aver used eight
years ago and beat Joe Mathews, on
Aver with deadly effect. Again Aver
ADMITS his fence position, in the late
wet or dry election is telling against
him, as old time political friends tell
him they cannot vote for him. All the
same they appreciated Mr.. Ayers
rich; stories and gave him hearty ap-
plause.
But 1t was a great meeting and the
Pennington people covered themselves
with glory and made a warm spot in
the heart Of all who graced the oc-
casion.
The Ocala evening star., 1908-05-09
PILES CURED AT HOME BY NEW
ABSORPTION METHOD

If you suffer from bleeding. itching,
blind or protruding piles, send me
your address. and I will tell you how
to- cure yourself at home by the new
absorption treatment; and will also
send some of this home treatment free
for trial, with references from your
own locality II requested. Immediate
relief and permanent cure assured.
Send no money but tell others Of this
offer Write today to Mrs. M. Sum-
mers, Box P, South Bend, IndI %.
The Ocala evening star., 1908-05-09
ED PITTMAN AGAIN IN HARNESS

Edwin P. Pittman is again in the
furniture business. He has opened a
first-class store in this line in the
city Of Nashville, Tenn. where he and
his wife are making their home. Mr..
Sam Pittman. one of the professors IN
big school Of that city and brother
OF Ed, also lives in Nashville. We
hope Mr.. Pittman will have the splen-
did success he deserves.
The Ocala evening star., 1908-05-09

The editor of the Star regrets he
could not be with the editorial breth-
rren at the State Press meeting in ses-
sion today at st. Petersburg. This Is
the second meeting in twenty years,
during which time he has been a
member of the association. from which
he has been absent. We know they
Fad a glorious time. Such meetings
are helpful and profitable If attended
in the proper spirit.
The Ocala evening star., 1908-05-09

A prominent party from Ocala who
visited the city yesterday comprised
Hon. G. c. Groom, postmaster of that
thriving city: L. j. Knight, r. E.
Yonge and H. c. Jones, alIprominent
business men. The three latter gen.
tlemen were candidates. and came to
be initiatd in the degrees of Knight
Templar, Pilgrim Commandery. These
degrees were conferred Wednesday
night.-Gainesville Sun.
The Ocala evening star., 1908-05-09

DR.. Walter Hood, since getting into
the building mood has decided to build
g splendid house Of a modern and ar
tistic appearance on his lot recently
purchased on Fort King avenue. He
will look ahead and build house in
keeping with the Ocala ten or fifteen
years hence. The work will commence
as soon as the plans can be drawn
and adopted.
The Ocala evening star., 1908-05-09
SORE NIPPLES

Any mother who has had experience
with this distressing ailment will be
pleased to know that a cure may be
effected by applying Chamberlain's
Salye as soon as the child Is done
nursing. Wipe 1t off with soft clo.h
before allowing the babe to nurse.
Many trained nurses use this salve
with best results. For sale by all
druggists.
The Ocala evening star., 1908-05-09

Rev r. III. Barnett, formerly pastor
OF the Heights Methodist church, but
ncw stationed at Ocala, has thriving
parish there and is doing effective
Christian work. Rev. Barnett was one
cf the most beloved ministers ever
stationed here.-Tampa News
The Ocala evening star., 1908-05-09
HEALTH AND VITALITY
Motifs Nerverine Pills

The great nerve and brain restora-
tive for men and women, produces
strength and Vitality. builds up the
system and renews the normal vigor.
For sale by druggists or by mail, 81
per box, boxes for S. Sold by the
Anti Monopoly Drugstore.
The Ocala evening star., 1908-05-09

Mr.. Charles F.. Eaton of Lake City,
a brother of our former townsman,
Mr.. Oscar M. Eaton is a candidate
from the state at large for delegate
to the National Democratic Conven-
ton In Denver
The Ocala evening star., 1908-05-09

Mr.. and Mrs. c. L. Bittinger and
daughter, Miss Adele Bittinger, and
Mrs. II. c. Groves attended the Sun
day school picnic at Martel today.
where Mr.. Bittinger made an address
suitable to the occasion by special re-
quest.
The Ocala evening star., 1908-05-09
KEEP COOL

Have electric fans placed in your
office or home and keep cool through
the hot months. It is inexpensive and
9 great comfort. See Walter Tucker
the electrician, about them.
The Ocala evening star., 1908-05-09
KING OSCAR

Thoroughbred Jersey bull for sale.
one Of the celebrated F1agler herd;
years old, in prime condition; kind and
gentle. e. S. Upham, South Lake
Weir, Fla.
The Ocala evening star., 1908-05-09

1TT ~ - n
NJ \H
D"M D"A
MOnQdy ana lueSQay
". way wy, , p.t anu q, = =, !.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-02-15
SHEETS CASE ON MONDAY
VIII Go TO Trial and States Witnesses
VIII he There TO Testify.

1.-THE Sheets case WIN go to trial on
Monday. and the states witnesses will
be there 10 testify. There is nothing
new or sensational in the matter, what
soever."
Such is the statement OF Dist. Atty. F..
c. Loofbourow, when approached on
the subject today. The prosecution
seems not at all worried Mt the reports
flying around to the effect that w. IL.
Parent. whose confession was dam
aging to ex-Chief OF Police Sheets had
repudiated his statements and had len
this part OF the country for good.
Parents evidence is on record, and
in that shape is considered to be as
good as though repeated on the stand.
P.sll. another witness whose evidence Is
much relied upon by the state Is In the
county iail and VIII be put upon the
stand during the trial of the case.
Bell and Parent are two OF the gang
that buncoed the McWhirter brothers
out OF moro than $4,000 IN September,
1906. Both were long sought after by
the officers and after many months
were apprehended and brought back.
They made clean breast OF the en-
tire affair aud in their confessions
made statements duplicating members
OF the police department including the
then chief 81 police George Sheets.
The trial OF the latter for criminal con-
splracy viii begin IN tho district court
Monday.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-02-15
HARDWARE FIRM
IN DIFFICULTIES
-------------------
Monarch Company Suspends and
Goes Into Hands Of a
Receiver.
NO BIG LOCAL CREDITORS.
A. IL. khnball Has Been Placed I'm
Charge--Presidcnt j. &. Camp
bell Leaves for Spokane.

The strain of hard times has brought
a large store in Salt Lake to the end
of its career today and the announce
ment consequently comes from credi-
tors of the Monarch Hardware Co.,
on west Third South street, that It has
suspended, and gone into the hands of
receiver appointed by the cerditors.
A. T.. Kimball, who has been placed
in charge. will sell out the stock as
ceeds TO the creditors, and then the
concern will cease to exist. ]. G..
Campbell, president OF the company,
and manager, left salt Lake for Spo-
kane as soon as the investigation of
the creditors commenced. An examina-
ton showed the company to be in very
bad condition, and while its business
for 1907 had totaled $4,000, there We're
accumulated bills amounting to S3S, 600,
which was due to big eastern dealers
from whom stock had been secured.
Why business of $4,000 should turn
in less than enough profits to pay for
the stock handled is mystery that
none of those connected with the as
signment viii discuss.
ASSETS PLACED AT s3s.0OO
The Monarch Hardware Co, was
next to u. c. NJ. l., and the Salt Lake
Hardware Co, the biggest dealer in
the line of goods In the city. 1t has
now on hand a stock valued at what
Mr.. Kimball calls very low invoicing
of 100000. and other property, which
raises its total assets to $4,000.
According to our book values" said
Mr.. kmball this morning when asked
for a statement, I'VE have about s3S. 900
in property, and liabilities of nearly
the same amount. We should realize
at least about 75 per cent dividends to
creditors. when the business finally
wound up.
who are these creditors" was ask
ed.
Eastern firms largely who gave Gre
dit on stock purchases. There are no
local creditors for any large amounts
PRESSURE RESPONSIBLE.
From general appearances the as
signment Is a case of eastern firms de-
handing money on notes given for
stock. and the company being unable
to meet these notes, or 10 secure extern
tons. To avoid the costs OF court pro-
cedure and legal talent the creditors
pooled their interests and named man
to take over the business. who was
satisfactory to all.
is A YOUNG FIRM.
The company started in 1904 as the
Brubaber- Campbell Hardware COM
pany, at IL west Third South. After
wards it moved across the street to
the present location. In 1905 c. e. Bru-
baker. one of the partners. sold his in
terest to the company. and retired, aft
er a dispute with Mr.. Campbell as to
the methods pursued in conducting tho
business. After this the firm continued
the same name until February. 1906
when the name of THE Monarch Hard
ware company was adopted. On Jan
rs Mr.. Kimball. now In charge. Went
into the store TO make an investigation
which resulted. on his report. on mis- be-
ing placed in charge to close the bust
ness out.
The stock consists of all kinds OF
builders materials, stoves, guns, fishing
tackle, and general hardware assert
ment.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-02-15
R. R. SHOPS NOT CLOSED
Simply "a Number of oiler-MalSers
And Machinlsts Have Been
Laid on.

The report that every shop man on
the Rio Grande system is out" is RI
diculous. A large number of boiler
makers and machinists have been laid
off gradually while the stringency OBJ
tanned but there has been no general
lay-off and according 10 the heads of
the system, now here, there Is going to
be none. The local shops. however.
are practically closed. but a handful
of men being at work. 1t Is expected
the partial shutdown win be lifted at
the end OF he month. This word comes
from the master mechanics Office. Lack
OF repair work Is the explanation made
by company officials, who believe
enough will accumulate by the first OF
the month to justify the shops being
re-opened and full forces gradually re-
stored Business is expected TO
strengthen materially by that time
The issuance of announcements that
the company Intends abrogating agree
ments with shop"en March IA and
with its engine and trainmen on the
first Is causing no end of gossip in la
Dor circles in this city. Ii is known the
laborers feel the announcement means
a movement to put affairs on an open
shop basis and II the union men de-
eide such is the case walk-out will re-
suit. or seeing that the shops are now
closed down "stay-out' would be the
proper term. Leading officials of boil
ermakers' and other unions refuse TO
discuss the situation further than TO
say the abroSation notices are under
discussion. 1t is reported family
gathering among workmen occuhed
last evening and other meetings are
to follow. Officials of the union would
not say whether meeting was planned
for today or not but 1t is believed some
sort OF convention viii be held
A meeting of railroad officials is slat-
ed to be held In Denver tomorrow and
the local branches of the union affected
by any shop changes. are waiting to see
what II Is done there. As II is now
the affair is simply "fomenting." What
may happen is a matter OF widespread
conjecture.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-02-15
LOOK OUT FOR P. 0. ORDERS.

Business men. merchants and ev-
erybody throughout the United
States are warned TO watch for
postoffice money orders 1856 to
1900, inclusive. They were stolen
with a money order stamp In Chica-
60. during December. Names used
on orders of this series passed by q
man and woman IN st. Joe, were
George A. Miller, remittsr and
James Miller, payee Different names
viii be used IN most likelihood. Any
one who comes across an order OF This
series should at once have the police
hold the person passing IL, until the
affair can be explained.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-02-15
FOR JEFFERSON DAY.
Women's Democratic Club Preparing
For Event on April s.

Jefferson Day is to be celebrated by
the Democrats OF this state April s. At
least such was the announcement made
by j. Letcher this morning who also
says committees are being appointed
banquet, TO be held most likely in the
Commercial club. An effort Will be
made 10 get some famous westerner
like Gov. Toole OF Montana who steps
out March / because of poor health.
1t is the idea to get some prominent
man, prominent throughout the west
TO come to this city and Gov Too!e
has been mentioned as a desirable. Tile
movement is largely IN the hands of
the Womens Democratic club but the
women have called a large number of
energetic workers to their aid in pre-
pairing for the Democrats big day.
The Women's Democratic clab met
at Mrs Laplsh's home, SSl Fourth ave-
nue.. Wednesday evening, Feb, II.
There was good attendance present.
The old board of officers was reelected
except in two Instances where vacan-
cies occurred, in the Second and Third
precincts Mrs. NJ. Il. Cunningham WAS
elected executive officer for the Second
and Mrs. Lydia Derham in the Third.
Mrs r. Jones was elected To assist Mrs.
Kenner In the south part of the First
precinct; Mrs. NJ. jacobson TO assist
8irs. Ringwood IN the Fourth; Mrs.
Branch for the east part Of the Third
precinct and Mrs. r. Il. Groschell Tor
the Fifth.
II was decided to celebrate the an
niversary of the birth OF Thomas JET
ferson on Wednesday, April s. The sec
rotary was instructed TO write a letter
to Mr.. w. j. Bryan inviting him TO
visit Salt Lake.