The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-04-02
PURG|NG
POSTAL GUIDE OF
FREAK NAMES
Kissimmee Must Stop and Skid.
do Must Go, Says Depart
ment Chief.

No more slangy names Tor post
offices. No more ffippancy in the postal
guide. No more jokes cracked at the
expense of entire communities.
Postmaster-General Meyer believes
that a town or community which Is
big enough to have a postoffice should
possess a dignihed name, says the
Cleveland Plain Dealer. He is sedate
and dignifed himself and he is going
10 eliminate Objectionable names from
the list of postoffices.
At present a score or so clerks are
busy at work going over the postal
lists and making notes of the names
that SAVIOR too much of flippancy or
slang. For instance, there's a town
called Sklddo in Pennsylvania, one
called Brandy Keg in Kentucky and
one called Mud in Texas. But there
will be no more if Mr.. Meyer can help
it.
There is "A place in Alabama called
Ragland. Hardly the place you'd want
to visit, judging by the name. Then
there arc Teddy and Theodore in the
same State, which might have been
called. for all you know, after our
President. In Arkansas you find a
place called Negrohill, an Oil Trough, a
Skylight, a Snowfall and an Ink.
A most unpleasant place in Caifor-
mia to many people must be Dry Town..
while others. no doubt, find a paradise
in Port Wine, if there's anything in a
name. In Kentucky there's a still more
suggestive name-Brandy Keg-and
also a town called Bliss. Near Fish
trap we find Goodluck, and a place
called Happytop near H~oneybee. We
find a Jolly and a Jamboree also. There
is a place called Decoy, where they may
serve that sort of thing, but a town in
the same list sounds a warning-Cau-
ton.
What a place must be Kissimmee,
in Florida, If they do it! Since pro-
hibition became effective no doubt Dry
branch, in Georgia, carries out its
name. Social Circle. in the same State.
must be a pleasant place. Keep an
eye open when vol go to Lookout, in
Idaho, and watch yourself at night
when you are at Spirit Lake or on
Lost River.
In Oklahoma, Bob, Maize, Sadie and
Sam-all of them towns-must have a
fine time counting. Ego and Loco are
a little significant OF on town navins
too much confidence in itself that it
might put the sister town, Loco, in the
skiddoo class. Is Lost Nation lost?
Is Smoky Hill, in Kansas, smoky? Is
LEVIED, in Oklahoma, immoral? Is
Mud, In Texas, muddy? Is Zigzag, In
the same State, built like a flash of
lightning?
Do they need more people in Need
more, Ind, and is Rainstorm. in the
same State, wet? Is Greenbush, in
Georgia, green, and do they never make
love in Loveless, Alabama? Do they
save money at Economy, Arkansas,
and does prosperity reign at Prosperity,
and are they going ahead at Progress?
Are there bulifrogs at Bullfrog, and do
they raise rye at Ryepatch, Nevada?
Do they eat beans and ham at Been
ham, New Mexico? And do they live
on rabbits at Rabbit Hash. Kentucky?
If a man walks barefooted at Bare
foot in the same State, would he be
bloody when he got to Blood? Would
he ever get a bone at Big Bone If he
clustered at Buster and they did not
deal fair at F~airdealing?
Would he feel small at Dwarf, cold at
Ice, sick at Chill or shy at Coy?
One wonders whether they can shoot
at Aimwell, La. and what they drink
at Gin, Miss. Do they take tonic at
Tonic, Neb., and do they apply arniea
at Arnica, Mo-?
If you were hungry, where would you
go-to Biscuit, Neb.; to Crabapple,
Tex; to Burnt Corn. Ala, or Eggs, KY?
If you were penniless would you feel
Fat home in Coin, Ky? If you wanted
to marry would you think Bridal Veil,
Ore. an appropriate place?
one wonder whether they swear when
%choppins wood at Bad Axe, Mich:
whether flowers are raised at Blooming
Prairie, MINI. What about those
places suggested by the names of
Cupid n Darling in Mississippi: of
Lovelocks, New; Lego, Miss; 10 Lo,
Mont; Bughtl, N. c., Blowout, Dressy
and Zigzag. Tex, are names that can
not be dccount for. Like Topsy, they
probably "jest growed."