Greene County herald. (Leakesville, Miss.) 1898-current, 1908-07-31

In WAY POLITICIANS UCSpioC,
Which they meet on the train,
AS all candidates WILL
And they wagered dinner
In test OF their skill
The winner to make the best pun on
The homely cCgnomen of Bill.
Il suppose" Bryan said,
Stirring ice in his tea,
That In view of the times
As between you and me,
The smaller the bill is the better
The which anyone will agree
Very clever" said Taft
Here is mine: I've bunch.
You are not very strong.
(And he gave him punch)
For they don't like long overdue bilI!''
And the Peerless one paid for the lunch.
August was named for Augusta
Caesar, nephew and adopted son of
Julius. August was every bit as
great man, but his uncle had a
better press bureau. When the
Black Band got Julius. his nephew
was but 10; but he had already
worn the toga virills and shot a
bear. Mark Anthony tried to get
him out of the way by making him
a sort of vice president, but after
Augustus had beaten him 5 up and
2 to play on the green At Modena
the big drawing card Of the Ro-
man chautauqua was glad to marry
the young mans sister and be a
kind of Nick Longworth around the
Roman White House.
The Augustan was the glory OF
Rome. Like Mr.. Roosevelt, Au-
gustus showed fight all the time,
and the empire enjoyed peace.
There were no reformers, and times
were good. The emperor literally
patronized literature, and even
vrote verses himself. Poets like
Horace and Virgil had their own
enameled gold chariots with liveri-
ed alligator bait on the job behind,
and instead of having the cruel
circus games of Nero, the popu-
lace met in the COLISEUM and
wrote limericks for prizes. 1t is
said that Augustus found Rome a
city of brick, and left it a city
of marble. He was very proud
man, and in order to make his
month as long as anybody's, they
took a day from February and ad-
ded it to August, which original
ly had but thirty. Augustus de-
serves to he Letter 1rCUp, ard it
is not his fault that he is not. He
tried everything from divorce to
race suicide. He had three wives
and one child, daughter Julia.
He beat Antony and Cleopatra 8 to
O in the famous engagement at Ac-
tium, enough in itself to have left
his name upon 10 cent cigar; but
he stood about the same chance a.
gainst the luster of his immortal
uncle as Miss Ethel Roosevelt stands
to share the Iimelight with her sis
ter Alice.
The dog days will return to paint
The pond like Rrin's isle,
And the boys will navigate the scum
In good sea going style.
Reform will dig few more pits
For Brewers and distilers.
And the ONCE seeker pass around
His bum Alfalfa filters.
The bullfrog will essay his lay a.
long the winding creek, and the
dude will bite the summer girl up
on her damask cheek; the sun will
burn the festive tramp clear through
his under shirt, and Carrie Nation
will give tongue, and kick up sod
and dirt, the while her ladyship
pursues the new directoire skirt.
The Candidate will buzz around
before the voters door. and all the
babies will get kissed and snuggled
up some more; the mother will say,
Amt he nice" with every kiss
and hug, but the father will de-
clare he is a dern old kissing bug.
The Anna-mosity which prince
Helie de Sagan and Count Boni de
Castellane bear one another will
cool little and about the 10th they
will get together and shoot dice for
the Gould children. The feet will
continue to banquet across the Pa
cific by easy stages, and upon reach
ing Manila, the stomachs of the Off
GERS will be put in dry docks and
Scraped.
The baby calf will try it's legs
In meadows soft as silk
And when lie bawls his loving dam
VIII rush the mothers milk
And meanwhile she will smile to think
With many modest bushes.
How Moses could have ever lived
In nothing but bulrushes
After the 21st, August will be
under the zodical sign of virgo.
This will make chautauqua crowds
restless and outdoor orators will
have to follow them around through
the woods and talk to them when
they will stand. 1t will also cause
Mr.. Rockefeller to get busy on that
story of his life he is going to write
for one of the national monthlies
and monopoly will get so nervous
it will have to have trained nurse
and take nourishment through
funnel. Mr.. Roosevelt will mean
while call special meeting of the
Cabinet at Sycamore Hill, and will
issue proclamation declaring that
the best way to catch lions is to set
up sand seive on the desert, ,hov-
ell the sand in and take the lions
out of the seive.
Persons born under the Virgo
have domestic tastes, and know how
to hold a baby. They are very
L L L I.