The Washington herald., 1908-07-11
By SAMUEL G. BLYTHE.

Denver. July 1O-At last-at last-a /
great political party has recognized
great American institution.
The Indigenous Indiana whisker has
come into its own. The paint brush
chinerlnos have been exalted TO the place
they long ago should have occupied. John
w. Kern has been nominated for Vice
President. nominated 70 provide the
hirsute end OF the ticket, the Peerless
Leader Of Lincoln, being clean shaven
and somewhat bald. Thus we get them
going and coming.
Time was when John X. Gowdy had
the finest pair OF paint brush whiskers
IN Indiana, but that time has gone. Once,
I in a misguided moment, when he was
consul general 70 Paris. John X. sue
cumbed to the palaverings Of Partisan
barber and cut his of. That left John
w. Kern with the best there were be-
tween Bonneville and South Bend, and
John W. Kern, not unmindfu OF what
the future had in store for him, care
fully nurtured his trained them on
pergolas and paiings. until to-day they
haunt proudly in the face Of the enemy
caressed by every favc-ing breeze that
blows. and militant TO the end OF each in
dividual hair.
All men who achieve paint brush whisk-
ers must eventually achieve undying
fame John Kern put years Of loving
care on his. petted and pampered them,
! until to-day they are a work OF art.
J What the Democratic party needed was
gonfalon. and John Kern's whiskers
have been pressed into service.
'BaId Bill, of Lincoln
Bald Bill. Of Lincoln, would do 20 catch
the barber vote. but those millions OF
J Americans who are guilty OF contributory
: facial negligence and grow whiskers OF
! various kinds desired a leader who had
! good ones. and they have him. Taft with
his mustache, and Jim Sherman. with
b. those tiny ones he allows 70 show be-
( meath his ears, are mere amateurs. Johr
s Kern bids openly for the votes OF the
hair-on-the-face brigade. and he ofrer'
! as his platform those lovely things that
: hang, chinchilla-like. from his comely
and ceremonious chin.
q 1t was Titanic struggle. One hundred
q and fourteen candidates for Vice Presi
/, dent entered the lists. and not a sou
7. listed 10 any Of them until this morning
y Then the Peerless Leader. having read Il
the papers that there was some sligh
slant by last nights convention IN hi
favor. took the telephone in his Drawn.
- hand and called up Denver
Whom have we?" he inquired, Il
ne clarion tones
IS I'VE have several" came the reply
than whom there are none thai
le whOmer."
." "WhOm Are Those whOmersH"
er Whom are those of whom you thu
r than whom2'' was the stirring question.
They told him. There were Gaynol
&. Mitchell and Mcneil and Douglas an
er Towne, and some ninety-six others. a
k. good men and true but what was tn
at pleasure Of the Peerless Leader?
ne A pause. Presently came tinkling fror
" Lincoln. IN the silveriest accents OF tha
e. well-known silver voice:
II have faith in the ultimate destiny {
d. John Kern. Name him. He shall be m
as running mate
r "Or walking. as the case may be-" sal
'ie the man at the Denver end Of the tel,
u phone, but Kern It is
The word was passed. The Amalg;
mated Protective Association Of Vie
Presidential Candidates held It's fin
all meeting. hurriedly called in the hotel.
&C. The sickenlng news was impaired
Kern2
a. They Took Kern.
ed They took Kern. He was nominate
nd with a yell. The paint brush whiske
ew had triumphed. and every campaign ba
re- ner shall see them in all their glO
INT throughout this broad land OF ours. (