The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-08-16

He said there were two ways to ex-
plain it. One of them was the heavy
percentum of saline matter which
caused the refraction of the suns rays
and the percolation through the idios-
nocracieS of my cerebellum. at lea-f
think that's what he sG.TG, and the other
way was by the use of a shorter and
uglier word
Pretty soon | got hungry again, anc
| was sorry of il, because | knew there
wasn't thing To eat but seagulls, and
seasulls kind o. pals on you, not after
awhile, but right away. Son. did you
ever eat any seagulls? They're fine eat
ing. / don't think. I've eaten chop suey
in Plum alley, and that is plumb
mysterious dish, but / never ct any
that had seagulls in it. You can shut
your eyes and eat chop suey, and you Il
get along all right, but you can't eat
seagulls with your eyes closed and say
to yourself, Gee. amt this roast duck
fine?' Well, l should say not. When
you eat seagulls you can't think your
self into the idea that you are eating
something else. No, stree. Why. I get
such a taste in my mouth now when !
even think of it that if | only had
something to take it out now. Thanks
| don't care if l do.
Well sir, ] was six days on the
island, and nothing TO eat but sun
cooked seagull I'd catch my gullS AT
night and cook 'em and eat 'em the next
day. / thought of swimming to the
mainland, but | was afraid to try it eX-
cept as a last resort. for / was afraid /
might get exhausted and die before |
got there. But at last / fixed up
scheme. / tore my bathing suit up and
made a sort of harness out of it and
then / caught about two dozen sea-
gulls and hitched them up and made
kind of flying machine out of them.
trained one. that / called Pete. He was
to be the leader or bell mule of the
bunch He learned fine. and it tickled
him almost to death when l was prac-
tcing with my seagull flying machine;
when he caught on to what | wanted
him to do. He was a mighty smart bird
all right.
"One morning, when / had got Pete
trained so that he understood me, l
hitched up and we started for Saltalr.
OF course, 1 couldn't see it, but knew
about where it was. Those gulls worked
fine together, and all I had to do was
to steer Pete and the rest had to follow
him, of course. We got to Saltair just
fore noon, and l got into my bath
house and got my clothes on and hur-
ried over and got me the first four
cornered meal / had eaten for nearly a
week, and l tell you, son, / felt some
better. But I was kind of worried abott
the gulls. | hated to keep them, for /
knew they would be a let of trouble,
and yet | hated to turn them loose
Well. I kept them awhile. and when I'd
tell folks where I'd been. and they act
ed as if they didn't believe 1t, then Ia
show them the gulls and, of course
they couldn't doubt any longer Pete.
the one I'd trained to be the leader, he
got so he was plumb affectionate, anc
he'd lust foller me around with his eyes
as long as 1 was in sight; just looke-l
like he couldn't keep his eyes off of
me while I was around. But at last l
turned 'em loose. | couldn't stand it to
keep 'em Gagged up any longer, and IL
makes tears come to my eyes even now,
and makes my throat dry-hum. hum,
thanks. don't care if ] 90. And those
fellows last week thought they had
hard time of it, and out only three days.
Why. they don't know what real hard
ships are.
How do | account for it that I float
ed so far in "A few hours that II took
half a day to get back? Well, son, III
tell you In those days I used to tell
some terrible yarns and l think the
Lord caused current TO carry me out
so far so ii would be a lesson to me-
and. son, it has, for / have never since
then done any eXaggeration- But, say,
what do you suppose the university per
| fessor meant by "a shorter and uglier
WOrd?'"