davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-06-02
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
[From the New York Press.

from the New York PressJ
sure way not to know any too
much is to think you do
Men would be just wild to pay their
taxes II it was against the law.
The only thing a man can be more
conceited about than his brains are
his whiskers
The only time a woman ever really
trusts mans Judgment is when he
marries her
The strongest argument people
seem to think they have in a discus
sion u TO get mad with the other tel
low. =
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-06-02
HUH0Q or TIE Day

HV<1V4G VI I'LL D>6
Bocker-F1annels or horses?-New York
Sun.
Someone gave him a pair of gosgles.
bile. '-Lippincott's.
Mrs. westend-You'n not find me diffi-
Norah (the new maid)-rm sure not.
ma,am: saw your husband as came H.
ma am.-nlustrated Bits.
docs that man claim that his flying
machine will revolutionize travelf
MOT exactly. But have observed that
it will right side up."-Washington Star
ga. Then, this" asked the rejected sutton.
.ouiter' was the calm reply. "shail
vans xe9s 1ae yolng f mem
I can use again. "-Tit-Bits.
DO you think Dustin stax's career has
mot Il you Judge a man by his son-in-
law Washington Star.
It has also been noted that the why
don't-you-try. type Of auestioner mighty
seldom does himseh-Puck.
of about foot ali around.SToiedo Blade
Slow waiter-Have I ever been in the
oc T2sG sr NO s why 90 yST is ask!
fsnce and watch the tortoises w WI BY
"Breakus is looking for you: I think he
Is going to touch you for a half"
| al nope J. iVe'
Sure; I've got half"-Chicago Daily
| Journal.
'Ain't your vaccination healed up yet?''
"saw.1 1or replied I. Tommy my; co., ,.s,.
take q. bath tiHits healed up."-Phiiadel-
Mrs. F1at-This is q pretty collar for
Toodles But what do these initials on it
Mr.. Flat.oh, those are the janitors in
him..And then none Of the other tenants
noisy.-Chicago News.
Sunday School Teacher-Did you ever
Tommy Tuffnut-Wunct.
Sunday School Teacher-And what noble
Tommy fuffnutSHe wus bigger dan me.
philadelphia Record.
I'VE want you to say few words about
wei. ladies', responded Mrs: Home
pastry 1 recommend a hot oven: for beans,
a slow fire."-Kansas City Journal
"That author keeps his Identity closely
yes until I read his books thought it
was DUE e, e modesty.'
mo: discretion. SACRED Heart Review
witness-I saw a man with one eye nam
Lawyer-What was the name Of the 9TH
| er eye?-Judge
| MANY a married man who might make
a fortune is Handicapped because his wife
That's right. Just as soon as Fortune
begins to flirt with him his wife gets jeal-
Gus. "-Philadelphia Press.
What do you suppose we'd do II we
co%d see ouLse:fes b ss oilers see n.
Post.
Bacon,Is your wife the partner of your
| Egbert-Sure thing! She gets all the
| Joys and I get all the sorrows.-Yonkers
You're the whole cheese with sis"
| Why do you say that. SOM" inquired
isis gin me a nickel to"-Louisvfile
Courier-J ournal.
you mighty skeered bout leavin' dis
worr."' said the old preacher. ian yit dar's
| milk an honey whar you gwine."
Hit amt sarchinE enough" was the re-
ply. what 1 wants is somethiu' whafsI,
| hit de spot"-Atlanta Constitution
''why don't you explain to your constit-
| uents that you are making a sacrifice OF
personal income to remain in OFFICER"
Il haven't any faith in that argument.
| answered Senator Sorghum. people nav
| er appreciate what they are Rettin~
cheap."-Washington Star
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-06-02

Thee dore Z. Burton, representative
from Ohio. is to make the speech in
the Republican national convention
nominating Mr.. Taft. Most of the Sec
onding speeches are to be made by
United States senators. Senator Bur-
rows will be temporary chairman of
the convention. Senator Hopkins is to
be chairman of the committee on reso-
buttons and it is likely that the other
prominent places in the convention will
fall to representatives and senators. So
1t always goes. Why wouldn't it be a
good plan to let-the laymen in the
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-06-02

Missourians now dispel ennui by
getting busy with brickbats in an I'M
usual way. At least. that's what they
do in st. Charles, one of the smaller
burgs in the state. One of the prom
inent citizens of that town recently
won IS bet that he could carry a
brick on his shoulder for ten hours
without dropping it. He surely earn
cd the money.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-06-02

In the opinion of many Mrs. Elm
or Glyn, author Of Three Weeks"
has reached her proper level. She
Is passing her time these days hob
nobbing with the habitues of the
dance halls and other resorts in the
mining camps of Nevada. She sure
ly ought to get some real dazzling col
or in these haunts for another lurid
nora1
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-06-02

It'll be case of out of the frying
pan and into the fire for the Oklaho-
ma convlcts who are in the Kansas
state prison. Most of them have been
working in the coal mine at Lansing
and they are to be taken home to
work on public roads The latter
would seem preferable. however.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-06-02

Who says that the wild and woolly
west" Is but a distant dream, a thing
of the dead. dead past? Whoever so
declares is indulging in idle talk Could
there be any better evidence of this
than the recent occurrence near Lara
mic. Wyo.. when bad man killed a
sheriff and then made his escape on
the murdered mans horse?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-06-02

Among the many elusive growing
things is the four-leafed clover. Just
how the overa bundance of rain has
helped this crop during the present
season is not known. 1t is safe to pre-
sumo. however, that it is just as ex-
tensive as in years past. At any rate,
it's quite as hard to locate.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-06-02

Socialists in New York have adopt
new party platform and among its
planks is one declaring for the aboli-
ton of official charity and substitut-
ing IN its place compulsory insurance
against unemployment, illness. acct
dents, invalidism, old age and death.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-06-02

Just stop and ponder over the
figures for an instant. The assessed
valuation of property in Shawnee
county for the purpose of taxation has
heretofore averaged about $IS,00O,0OO.
1t has been placed at $70,000,000 for
this year under the new tax law. And
won't the tax rate take a tumble pc
cause no more money will have to be
raised this year than in times passed.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-06-02

More Bibles are sold in China and
Japan than in any two other coun-
tries. This may be explained by the
fact that the need for them in those
places is probab bly, greater than any
where eISa
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-06-02

Possibly the unusually high water
In the Kaw on Saturday night was
due to a desire on Old Natures part
to make the fifth anniversary of To-
peka's great flood as realistic as pos
sible. IF this was 50 it was a de-
cided success for the water was
plenty high enough.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-06-02

party occasionally do something OF inn
portance at a national convention?
Why are all the honors thrust on the
professional politicians and office hold
ers. or rather why are they permitted
to gobble them up?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-06-02

Topeka is not the only place in the
state where sneak thieves are busy
these days. The newspapers in the
larger cities and towns have items
almost daily telling OF the depreda-
tions Of these petty criminals. 1t is
also learned from exchanges that
the state is literally infested with
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-06-02
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

The State Journal IL q member Ct The
Associated Press and receives the fun day
telegraph report of that great news or.
ganization for the exclusive afternoon
publication in Topeka.
The news is received fn The State Jour.
rose
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-06-02

Almost every newspaper in the
large cities of the country has had
special stories within the past few
days describing "for the first time''
the famous aeroplane which has been
invented by the Wright brothers. And
the funny thing about this is that
most of these FIRST and exclusive
descriptions agree as to detail
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-06-02

It's conceded that April showers
bring forth May flowers, but the ques-
ton Is what will the May showers
we've been having bring forth? If
we made guess we'd say weeds.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-06-02
Married on a Dog License.

IT is a matter of record in the little
town of Swatragh, Ireland, that an az
fectionate young couple were marrieo
~, a dog license. Everybody was in
= hurry. from the priest down. to have
the ceremony completed. The bride.
rroom the day before had paid 60
Cents for a license for his favorite ter
rier. and In the dim light OF the
church this was presented 10 the
nriest The pair have been happy ev-
er ejnce had this of a native OF
Rathmelton, which Is thirty five miles
from swatfagh.-New York Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-06-02
Had Cause to Be Hungry.

An autopsy on the BODY OF Robert
Alexander Adamson, who died of
stomach trouble, revealed peculiar con-
ditions. For two years Adamson had
complained Of his stomach, but always
insisted that the pain was in the region
of the intestines The autopsy disclosed
that the stomach had slipped out OF
nIace and was ten inches below it's nor
mai position, covering the small intes-
tines. While the average mans stom-
ach holds but three pints, it was found
that Adamson's was four times as
large. holding a gallon and half: Dur
ing his life Adamson was unable TO
two ordinary men did at meal, yet
he was OF spare build. his food appar-
emily doing him little good.-Elwooc
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1908-08-14
The Sea Serpent.

When fourteen miles of the coast of
Brazil NJ. j. Nicoll, author of Three
Voyages Of Naturalist" observed a
sea serpent which came within about
fifty yards of the ship. "All that we
could see was q dorsal fin about four
feet long sticking up about two feet
from the water. The fin was a brown
ish black color and much resembled a
gigantic piece of ribbon seaweed. Be-
low the water we could indirectly see
a very large brownish black patch, but
could not make out the shape of the
creature. Every now and then the fin
disappeared below the water. Sud-
denly an eel-like neck. about six feet
long and of the thickness of a mans
thigh. having head shaped like that
ora turtle, appeared in front of the I'm,
flashing up the water with q curious
wriggling movement. This creature
was an example, ! consider, Of what
has been SO often reported. for want
Of better name, as the great sea
serpent l feel sure, however, that it
was not reptile that we saw, but a
mammal"
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1908-08-14
Bought His Own Work,

To come across bit of ones own
work in print Is an experience not ordi-
narily exasperating to an author, but a
Washington writer on scientific mat
tiers was recently not very agreeably
surprised by such development.
1t appears that the writer was COL
Letting material for a monograph on
electro magnetism when word came to
him Of valuable paper on the subject
not long before published in Berlin
journal devoted to science. Thinking
that the paper would be of use to him
in the work In hand, he had 1t trans
lated. When the English version was
laid before him, together with quite q
bill for the translator's labor, what was
the disgust Of the writer to find that
the article was nothing more or less
than German reproduction of an ar
ticle Of his own published the year be-
fore In an English journal. And he
had paid twice as much for the trans
lation as he had received for the orig
inal Observation-Disclosures Star.
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1908-08-14

In Pepys' time May dew-that is,
dew gathered from the grass on a May
morning, and especially on the morn.
ing Of May day-was highly priced for
bleaching linen and improving the COM
plexion. Pepys wrote in 1867: MY
wife away down with Jane and w.
Hewer to Woolwich in order to lit
tie air on to lie there tonight and so to
gather May dew tomorrow morning.
which Mrs. Turner bath taught her Is
the only thing In the world to wash
her face with, and am contented with
it," Two years later he made this en-
try in his diary: Troubled, about 3
in the morning. with my wife's calling
her maid up and. rising herself, to 60
with her coach abroad to gather May
dew. which she did. and troubled for
it for fear Of any hurt going abroad so
betimes happening to her. but l to
sleep again. She came home about g."
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1908-08-14

Her mother said: "Oh, dear! Isn't
that awful? What will people think p
out the people themselves seemed to
think 1t about the prettiest incident
they had met that day.
She was a very little girl, white
frocked. pink rlbboned, brown curled.
With her mother she left the subway
train at the Grand Central station. The
usual confusion prevailed. Timid trav-
elers grabbed suit cases and bundles
and exclaimed, "Oh, do we change
here?" Trainmen on the platform
shouted out directions for local and
express trains and the guards of that
particular car adjured the passengers
frequently and vehemently to "Step
lively" and to Watch the STEP" Then
all of sudden there was a hull in the
uproar. The little girl was leaving
the car. She stopped at the door, look
ed back and waved her hand.
"Goodby, everybody" she said.
The words carried to the far end Of
the car. They made every one sit up.
Two or three persons called out a re-
sponsive "Goodby." two or three said
BLESS the child" and all smiled.-New
York Press.
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1908-08-14
State Guaranty Illegal.

Washington. Aug. 4.-In a formal
opinion rendered by Attorney Gener-
al Bonaparte at the request of Sec
rotary of the Treasury Cortelyou, it
is held to be illegal for any National
bank to enter into a contract or
other arrangements with state off,
cials for the purpose of creating a
guaranty fund out of the banks de-
posts or capital stock to be used In
paying the depositors of any bank In
cluded within the terms of a state
statute. any deficiency there may be
in the amount to be received by them
from assets of such bank in the event
of its failure.
Mr.. Cortelyou requested the Attor-
ney-General's opinion "as to the legal
right of National banks in the State
of Oklahoma to contribute toward
the guaranty fund or to avail them
selves OF the other privileges Of the
state banking act"
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1908-08-14

heard what was to me at least a
new piece Of superstition the other day.
and when think Of the risks I've run
all these years because I didn't know
Of it my blood runs cold. met 7o.
man from Virginia in market. and the
talk falling on dreams recalled a
most blood curdling nightmare I had
had the night before.
II must tell you what dreamed
last night" l said.
"Let me ask first whether It's pleas
ant or an unpleasant dream" said the
lady from Virginia.
Decidedly unpleasant"
Then for mercy's sake don't tell it!'
said she. Never tell bad dream on
Saturday, for we say in Virginia:
Friday nights dream on Saturday told
Is sure to come true. no matter how old"
Washington Post.
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1908-08-14
The Kennewick Nursery
~ Courier Bargain Counter Department x
L. A. JARNAGIN

A gallon OF pie pumpkin doc at
Kennewick Trading Company.
Candles and fruits at the Ken
newick Club.
Prints &c per yard at the Kenne-
wick Trading Co.
Watson eros. have just received a
car OF steam rolled barley.
CASTLE soap 10 cakes for % cents at
Kennewick Trading Company.
Jelly glasses 60 cents per dozen at
The Kennewick Trdg. Co.
Chase & Sanborn's Tea, or coffee
at the Kennewick Trading Company.
Laundry soap bars for rs cents at
Kennewick Trading Company.
Flour $1.40 per sack at kennewick
Trading Company.
Latest methods taught on piano,
violin and cello. For particulrs,
call 1st door east OF Leard Hotel.
Call at the Columbia Pharmacy
for those beautiful souvenir Letter
Postal issued by the st. Pauls Guild
of the Episcopal Church.
Strayed-FrOm my place near
Prosser last Saturday, April 25tl,, a
sorrei mare. Weight about 1900 lbs,
branded a on left hip, one white
hindfOOt and small star In forehead
$50 will be paid for return to my
place. MOritz Allgaier,
PrOsser, Wash.
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1908-08-14

Yakima Best Flour is always the
best.
Buy some of that $500 coal at the
st. Paul yard.
For Sale-3 doz. Plymouth Rock
hens, and l portable oven, l2O loaf
capacity. w. A Halves.
New orchestra In Kennewick ready
for engagements. Empire of j. A..
Van Norsdall.
The Chas. H. Collins Co. will sell
this week, for cash, a ton OF rolled
barley for $50.
Big gentle horse and buggy. cheap
or will exchange for hack.
f. B. Smith-Sec. Is.
Insure your horses amp cattle with
F. F. Beste at Kennewick Harness
Shop.
For Sale-House and lot cheap and
on very easv terms. Very little
money will handle this. Apply at
this { flee.
You will be able to secure prompt
service at the Elite Barber Shop.
Good work guaranteed Three re-
gistered BARRIERS.
V. NJ. VANHOOK, Prom.
WANTED-New members to join
the band, whether experienced or not
Experienced players are desired, and
beginners on any instrument Will
find this al excellent chance to learn.
Don't delay, see Prot. Jausliu.
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1908-08-14

All children in Australia are drilled.
but the elder boys are attached to the
Australian military forces by means
Ct the cadet corps. Almost every large
school has its band Of cadets. who
wear neat khaki uniforms and are
armed with light rifles. in the use of
which they are frequently instructed.
Every year those boys have shooting
matches, and the scores prove that
among the youngsters there are many
who have already become skilled
marksmen.-London Standard.
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1908-08-14
Very Saoacious.

A farmer had very sagacious dog
which he had trained to count his
sheep as they passed through a partic-
ular opened gate. against which a pile
Of stones were placed for the dogs use.
As each sheep passed through the dog
placed one Of the stones aside. One
day, much to the farmers surprise. he
found the dog trying to break a stone
in half. and on himself counting the
flock he found there had been an ad-
dition in the night Of lamb.
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1908-08-14
Timely Advice

Never. leave home on a journey at
this time Of the year without a bot
tie of Chamberlain collie, cholera
and diarrhoea remedy. IL good ad-
vice for young aud old. No one can
tell when 1t may be required. 1t can
not be obtained on board the cars or
on steam ships. Buy 1t before leav.
ing home. For sale by Columbia
Pharmacy.
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1908-08-14

Order your soft drinks from your
grocer.
For Sale-A good second sewing
machine $40. Mrs. G. A. Hamilton.
Soft drinks OF all kinds at the Ken
newick Club.
Flour 81. IS per sack at the Hamil-
ton Supply Co.
For Sale-Two work horses weigh
ing about 1000 pOunos each. Can be
seen at Irwin Bros. ranch.
J. E. Peterhans.
Mason X gal. 81 20 doz.
Mason OTIS. Soc dOz.
Mason pts Coo doz.
at The kennewicK Trading Co
Horses for sale at my place miles
west OF kennewick: One black driv-
ing mare and one three year old full
blood Hamilton .filly.
Phone 1854, PEMors.
FOR SALE-TwO and a half acres
in the Mob Hill tracts, for $3.50 down
Owner will agree to fiume and water
for two years. H. f. Brown If
For Sale-Make me cash offer on 10
acres SWH OF NEA of NWA. Section
Il. Up. 8, Rye. 30. Alfred L. Young,
1880 Rucker Ave. Everett, Wash.
Fine green Dunchgrass pasturaEe
at Lofts ranch on Columbia
Heights one mile west of Second
Street bridge. Send in your colts
and calves to grow up.
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1908-08-14

Ask your grocer for Yakima Best"
Gallon pie apples 4Oc at kennewick
Trading Company.
Try a sack of Yakima Beet Flour.
Guaranteed the best In the State.
Cheese 20 cts. per ID at The Kenne-
wickTrading Company.
Car load of Yakima Best Flour just
arrived.
Car load OF Yakima Best Flour just
arrived.
We pay 20 cents per dog. for eggs
at Kennewick Trading Company.
O. K. Soda Bottling Works soft
drinks can be had at all grocery
stores.
Car OF corn meal, graham -four.
bran and shorts just received at the
Watson Bros. Warehouse.
Another car of Yakima Best Flour
just in at the Watson Bros. Ware
house.
Protect yourself with live stock
Insurance. For particulars see Beste
at the harness shop.
Estrayed-from the Purdy pasture
5 miles west of KenneWick about
July lat a bay mare branded III" on
left stifle. saddle marked, weight
about 90Ofhs. we'll broken. SO re-
ward for Information leading to her
recovery. Notify City Market,
pascO. Wash.
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1908-08-14

do you know the value Of an oath?"
asked the Judge Of an old darby who
was to be the next witness. "Yes. sab.
does. One OBJ desc yeah lawyers
done glib me foah dollars for to swear
to suffin. OATS de value Of an oath.
Foah dollars, sah." And then there
was CONSERVATION in the courtroom
st. Joseph News.
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1908-08-14
II. A. Howe
Chamberlain's Collie, Cholera and Dia-
rrh0ae Remedy Would Have
Saved Him 500

''In 1902 / had u yerv severe attack
OF diarrhoea,. says KN Farrar of
Cat island La. "EOr several weeks
was unable to do anything. On
ON March s, 1907. had q simuiar
attack and took Chamberlands collie
cholera and diarroea remedy which
gave me prompt relief. l consider 1t
the best medicine in the world and
believe II had taken it in !. 1902 it
would have saved me d hundred
dollar doctor BILL" For sale by the
Columbia pharmacy.
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1908-08-14
Mack Will Make Fight for the East,

Mack Will Make Fight for the East.
New York, Aug. Norman E.
Mack, chairman of the Democratic
National committee, is forming q
subcommittee of Is members of the
National committee which will con-
duct the campaign In the East with
headquarters in this city. While Mr..
Mack will be chairman Of the sub
committee, . vice-chairman will be
appointed who will be in active
charge Of the committees operations.
Ex-senator James Smith, OF New Jer-
sey, is spoken Of as the probable
vice-chairmau
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1908-08-14
Giving Them Credit.

"You know" said the distinguished
oriental who manifests much curiosity,
".that the Chinese discovered the art Of
printing from type thousands of. years
ago?"
"Yes." replied the man who. was
being interviewed. "And incidental
ly l don't doubt that they were the
original inventors Of the Interrogation
point" Washington Star.
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1908-08-14
Half the Battle.

'Tf I were you," said the old bache-
lor to the benedict, "I'd either rule or
know why"
"Well," was the reply. "as I already
know why, suppose that's half the
battlev'-Atlanta Constitution.
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1908-08-14
Tit For Tat.

1--WE thought we'd rather move than
clean house."
IAN original idea"
mot so original. 1t had also occur
red to the people who vacated the
abode we leased. City Jour
nal.