The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1908-11-15

'"He was the great example OF tu'
Persistence of the Uninspired, u the
Oldest Journalist responded pushing
the shade back from his eyes and light
ing his cigar. ''He is dead. -
Funny | never heard of him,
unused, Gin view of the fact that you
are writing columns about him and ask
inc for a picture to embellish the ObItu'
arv. Was he prince or potentate?
s'Of course YOU never heard of him, y
was the tart reioinder. THAT s why
I'm writing all this. This is news. -
: He resumed his pencil for a moment
and then paused, looked over at me, and
slowly leaned back in his chair. 81
wish YOU a go into old Serapbook 5
sanctum and 90 through all the cuts to
see if there ism t one of fat man with
a chin whisker and bald head" he
remarked. "An old picture of Napo-
leon III. might pass. Nobody here will
know the difference.
1t happened that we did have dusty
copper engraving of the lamented
Emperor of the French. The Oldest
Journalist blew the dust off it, gazed at
the lineaments depicted on the metal,
and nodded "That III do all right.
Just write a caption to run under it:
'Phineas Simpkins, who died widely
mourned by the community in which he
lived and bore a prominent part Get
thati"
He took off his jacket and returned
to his writing. A little later he glanced
up to remark, "I'm not as crazy as
people will think I am tomorrow.
''You evidently ignore my opinion
of tonight" l replied.
The Oldest Journalist stopped, picked
out of mass of papers on his table
small clipping, and tossed it over to me.
'Read that he said.
I read the item, apparently cut many
years before out of some country week
" in the interior of the United States.
"This is the obituary of Thomas F.
Adams" / said. ''He died on April
14th, 1879, in Libertyville, Iowa, on his
farm, after long illness. He was much
lamented, a good father and careful
business man, and was a deacon in the
Methodist Church. That all / see in
this. What has it to do with Simpkins
of Molokai?'
''The late Thomas F. Adams" the
Oldest Journalist replied, "never knew
Phineas Simpkins, nor was Simpkins in
any way related to him, nor did Simp-
kins know Adams or ever see him alive,
nor had he any earthly interest in his
death. burial. or obituary, that you or
I could ravel out. But that eulogy,
printed in that little weekly, is the
reason ] m writing his eulogy in the
tropics, and the whole affair is the
direct result and outcome of the Per-
SiStauao of tha Uninsured -
The speaker was not man used to
talking riddles. Indeed, his language
was usually not only plain, but bald. L
pinned him down. ''Who is this Simp-
kins you re talking about, anyway2'
"Did you ever see man who never
could say an interesting thing? Who
never had a glance of the eye that be-
tokened anything behind itP Who in.
variably did the most commonplace act
possible under the circumstances Who
bored you in a crowd and staggered you
with his vacuity when you were alone
with himP Did you ever know man
whose circle of thought would pinch
the waist of peanut, and who inces,
sanity attempted to converse by using
the worn phrases of any fool who had
been with him previously? Did you
ever, my son, have to spend three days
on rolling inter-island steamer with a
man incapable of anything but ex.
asperating dumbness or maddening |
The Oldest Journalist s |
vigor was extreme, and he thumped his |
paste-pot on the table resoundingly.
fWhat did Simpkins do to you7" 1 !
pursued, assuming his interrogations to |
be rhetorical.