Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-09-24
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mere are couple VI awful Doic
at my club" Indeed! Who is the
other?"
Chld-Cook, come quick, the nursery's
aflre! Cook-What goes on in the
nursery is no affair Of mine. Tell the
governess.
Landlady-You make an awful noise
with that flute. Boarder-Well, I'm
sorry to hear it. Landlady-Sos ev-
erybody else.
II notice that you always sit at your
wife's left, Mr.. Mcggs." Yes" frank
ly replied Mr.. Meggs; ''that's the side
her glass eye is on
Candid Friend-You will have to
work hard to win the heiress Impecu-
MUS One-I'll have to work a jolly
sight harder IL don't.
Poet-Well the publishers have finally
accepted one of my poems. Frank
Friend-Out Of gratitude you ought
never to submit them another.
Nell-Love doesn't seem to agree
with Maude. She is thinner by twenty
pounds than she used to be. Belle
She has loved and lost, eh?-TitBits
Suppose l lend you the money you
want, how do | know that shall ever
see it again?' rs the word of an hon
est man worth anything?' "Oh, Of
course. Bring him to me-"
Dawson-The facial features plainly
indicate character and disposition. In
selecting your wife, were you governed
by her chin? Spenlow-No; but | have
been ever since we married.
First Landlady-I manage to keep
my boarders longer than you do. Sec
ond Landlady-O, l don't know. You
keep them so thin that they look longer
than they really are.-Tit-B Bits.
Mrs. Neybore-I bought new piece
of music for my daughter to play, and
| think she'll master it soon. She was
trying all afternoon. Miss Pepper
She was, very Pearson Weekly.
Miss Richly" pleaded the kneeling
youth, tell me, is there any hope for
me|' Il can't say" replied the poeti-
cal girl you might consult an insanity
expert, however. ."-BaltimOre News.
The Gardener (tendering his resig
nation D-,"No, sir. it's the missus |
can't abide. She's got inter the 'abit
O. talkin' ter me jest wot she does ter
you. She fergits l can leave when I
wants er."-Sketch.
Barnes-I hear your house was
broken into the other night and lots Of
silver plate and jewelry stolen. Shedd
Yes: but the rascals entirely over
looked the ten tons of coal In the cell
Transcript
"Ah,' he sighed, Il was happier
when | was poor" well" they an
swered coldly, lit is always possible
FOR man to become poor again. But
the idea did not seem to i'm
press him vorably.-Chicago Post.
Civil-service examiner very sternly
to Erastus Smith, colored, who aspires
% the office of mail carrier) )-"lloW far
IS it from the earth to the moon"
Erastus Gin turn )-"Golly, boss, eff yo's
swine ter put me on dat route don't
want de job.'
Paw, would it be ungrammatical to
say 1 seen you when you hid SO un-
Ter the bureauT" Yes, son, both I'M
and dangerous. When you
ire in doubt on such points always
'ome to me, and never go to your moth
,r."-Cincinnati Tribune.
Who was the first man, Bobby She |
asked. George Washington" answer
d the young patriot, promptly. why, |
10, Bobby; it was Adam" "Oh. WE'LL"
aid Bobby. who never fails to prove |
himself right. II wasn't counting for |
igners. New York Press.
Il observe that you invariably praise
our rivals" said one actress. Yes"
the other. ITS the wisest |
hing to do. 1t sounds magnanimous
md also conveys the impression that
:ou do not consider them worth being
ealous Washington Star.
Gayboy-A fellow can't be too care
ul about his letters to women. Hen
eck-That's right A woman got three
etters from me once that have kept
ne in hot water ever since Gayhoy-
-ou don't mean 1t? Henpeck-Fact
hey were Yes.-Philadelphia Press.
What nice little boy" said the
who was making call.
Won't you come and shake hands, my
on?" "Naw." snapped the nice little
oy. MY gracious. Don't you like
le?' "Naw. | had ter git me hands
n face washed jist because you come"
philadelphia Press.
Her luck-"I met your wife yester-
ay. How we'll she is looking" Yes.
Ve have been expecting her rich aunt
0 visit us this summer" "Ah :" "Ot
curse don't mean hat expecting her
unit has made my wife look 80 well,
ut it has kept her rom going away
nywhere for a rest. t."-Chicago Record.
Ierald.