The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1908-12-16
WAS NOT THANKFUL
Mr.. COOLEY FAILED TO APPRE-
cIATE WlFE,s EFFORTS.
OF Course She Meant q for the Best,
but Her llo0o Lord Thought
the Remedy Woese Than
the Disease.

My neighbor Cooley suffered . good
deal last winter from rheumatism In
his breast. and his wife was badly
frightened about It for fear It should
end In consumption. Cooley could not
be induced to try any remedy for the
trouble. and Mrs. Cooley was nearly
worried to death shout It. At last she
determined to try strategy. She made
. dry mustard plaster and one night
while he was asleep she sewed 1t upon
the inside Of his undershirt. 90 that 1t
would Just cover the rheumatic place
Cooley dressed himself in the morn
ing. wholly unsuspiclous Of the pres
ence Of the plaster. and went down
stairs. At the breakfast table. while
he was talking to his wife. he sud
dealy stopped. looked eross-eyed. and
. spasm Of pain passed over his face
Then he took up the thread Of the con
veraation again and went on. He was
IN the midst of an explanation of the
political situation. when all at once
he ceased again. grew red in the face
and exclaimed:
II wonder what in the - No. It
can't be anything wrong"
Mrs. Cooley asked what was the
matter. and Cooley said:
%. It's that Internal old rheuma-
tism again; come back awful But I
never felt 1t exactly the same way be-
fore. Kinder stings me-"
Mrs. Cooley said she was sorry.
Then Mr.. Cooley began again. and
was just showing her how the ravages
of the grasshoppers in the west. and
the potatO-bug In the east, would AZ
feet the election by making the people
discontinued. and so likely to strike
at the party in power. when he sud
denly dropped the subject. and, jump
ing up. said:
Thunder and lightning! what's
that? Ouch! o. Moses! feels II I
had q shovelful Of hot Goals inside my
undershirt."
Must be that rheumatism. getting
worse" said Mrs. Cooley sympatheti-
cally.
%. gracious. no! It's something
worse than rheumatism. Feels like
burning into my skin. Ouch! Ow-
wow-wow! It's awful! I can't stand
1t another minute. believe it's chol-
era, or something, and I'm going to
die!"
DO try to be calm. Mr.. Cooley"
Calm! How can q man be calm
with volcano boiling over under his
shirt Go way from here Get out of
the way. quick. while l 90 upstairs and
undress. Murder-r-r-r-. but 1t hurts!
Let me get out. quick"
Then he rushed up to the bedroom
and stripped OF his clothes. His chest
was the color Of a boiled lobster: but
he couldn't for the life of him tell
what was the matter. Then his eye
rested upon something white on his
shirt. He picked up the garment and
examined 1t. Ten minutes later he
came slowly downstairs with a dry
mustard plaster in his hand, while
thunder clothed his brow.
Going up to Mrs. Cooley. he shook
the plaster under her nose. and said
in q suppressed voice:
did you put that thing in my
clothes"
II did 1t for the best. John" she
said. l thought"
"Oh, never mind what you thought.
You've taken the bark clean OF of my
bosom, so I'm as raw ~ q sirloin
steak, and I'll probably never be we'll
again az long al live That let's you
out You play no more tricks like that
on me. Now. mind me-"
Then he slammed the door and went
out Mrs. Cooley doesn't know to this
day exactly what effect the grasshop-
pers are going to have on the election.
IN ". Weekly.