davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1908-03-11
AN OCEAN VOYAGE.
One Of the Things 1t Teaches Is the
Value Of System.

One Of the Things It Teaches Is the
Value Of System.
II wlsh.'' said the head of large
business house, that every man who
distresses his friends and associates by
his lack of method could be told off to
take trip or succession of trips on
the sea. He'd learn something; he'd
you know, and the effects Of shipshape
conditions would make themselves felt
sooner or later. I don't mean to say
that revolution In character would
follow any such experience, but with
the majority of people it Is safe to say
the better.
"Oh, yes, I know, there are certain
men and women who are born to dis
order, as you might say, and who
couldn't be helped by any course Of
treatment. They are the unfortunates
Of business and professional life, that's
all. But for the ignorant, the thought
less, those who never have appreciated
what saving of time is involved in
little sensible planning Or in the fol-
lowing Of approved system in routine
matters. sea voyage, with its disci-
pine, it's precise allotment of time, it's
method, in word, must prove most
beneficial thing. It's funny that when
you hear SO much about the restful-
ness Of ocean travel SO few realize that
the regularity of the life, its system.
its evident adaptation of means to
ends, constitutes such large factor in
bringing about this result And the
same principle can be applied on
shore."-New York Press.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1908-03-11
HAD HIS REVENGE.

But the Heartiess Hotel Man Got In
the Last. Laugh.
A hotel proprietor In Kansas City
once told of an amusing incident. con
nected with the stay at his house of a
rural politician.
The politician had come to the hotel
for but one day, and he had taken his
dinner elsewhere with a friend When
on coming to pay his bill he found
himself charged with days board,
dinner and all, he protested vigorously.
It was explained to him that the
American plan was based strictly ON
time and that if he chose to eat else
where it was his own lookout. The
man, however, refused to be pacifed
and paid the bill under protest. Then,
to every ones surprise, he asked if din
ner were still on" Upon being in
formed that it lasted until 8 in the
evening he exclaimed
GIVE eaten one dinner, but I'm going
to get my moneys worth out of this
house if / suffer all the torments OF
dyspepsia
He then rushed into one of the dining
rooms, seized a bill of fare and Or
dered everything he could think Of.
When he finally reached his limit the
waiter handed him check for $685..
whats that for?' he demanded
Your dinner, SIR
"But / have already paid for my
dinner in my BILL" protested the I'm.
fortunate man. 81 am staying here on
the American plan"
'"Then you should have gone into tho
other dining room,' said the writer.
Harper's Weekly.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1908-03-11
His Lecture on Job.

II dunno what dey call Job a pa
tent man for" said Brother Dickey.
"kaze Of all de GROWERS ever hearn
tell on he sho' wuz de growliest. But
be sho' did have enough ter make him
growl-dat he did! De devil say.
'Looky yer, Job, you in my power now,
an I gwine ter 'flict you wild few
biles.' An Job say, All right; I kin
STAN it eff you kim But de biles com
mence ter break out SO thick an fast
dat Job say, 'Looky yer, man; desc
mint no biles-dis de smallpox, sho ez
you bo'n!' An he eetch so dat he had
ter scratch hisse'f wild goats head.
Den de devil git in high win an
blow down Jobs house, an dat wuz
too much! So OF Job lif' up his voice,
an he say: 'Looky yer. l bargain fer
biles, but / didn't want no hurricane
th'ewed in fer good measured -
Frank Stanton In Atlanta Constitution
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1908-03-11
Deserved to Succee.:.


A late matrimonial engagement is
said to be the outcome OF a. daring
piece Of repartee on the part OF a
young woman who has enjoyed the
reputation of being not only a wit, but
a beauty and belle as we'll. Although
quite young, she was known to have
declined the honor of matrimonial al
lance with several so-called catches
and it began at last to be rumored
that he mind and heart were set On
one of her admirers who had not as
yet the temerity to come to the point.
man in question was her partner in an
assembly, and during the intermission
for supper was seated with her In a
sequestered nook, far from the mad
ding crowd Apropos of something
that had been said, he asked her
laughingly if the report was true that
she had refused all the eligible men
in her set. She blushed wildly for a
moment, then suddenly raised her
head, looked him full in the face, and
said, pointedly:-
Eyes, it is true-present company
excepted
1t is, perhaps, needless to state that
they remained in the "sequestered
nook" some time. Rumor also has it
that the above conversation was over
heard by one of the discarded suitors,
who forthwith gave it away.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1908-03-11
Diamond Cut Diamond.

Once upon time there were in
Paris two papers, the Razor and the
Scorpion, which were always going for
each other with great ferocity. Every
week people bought the Razor to read
how 1t cut at the Scorpion and the
Scorpion to learn how it stung the
Razor.
A certain philanthropist felt panied
to see such violence, so he invited the
two editors to dine in the hope that
over good fare he could make peace
between them. At the appointed time
one lean, melancholy man presented
himself and was ushered in. After an
interval, as no other guest approach
ed, the host demanded:
"May | ask, are you the editor of the
Razor or Scorpion?"
Both" said the sad eyed man.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1908-03-11

Nursing mothers will find VIA
vorite Prescription" especially val
liable in sustaining their strength
and promoting an abundant nour-
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mothers too will find it priceless
boon to prepare the system for
baby's coming and to render the
ordeal comparatively easy and
painless.
Over burdened women in all
stations in life whose vigor has
been undermined by exacting So
cial duties, over work, frequent
bearing of children, will find VIA
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can do no harm in any state or con-
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Delicate, nervous, weak women,
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RODS, gnawing or distressed sen
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spells, see imaginary specks OF
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of womanly organs from weakness
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generally, permanent cure by us.
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DR.. Pierce's Favorite Prescription
This world famed specific fol
woman's weaknesses and peculiar
ailments is pure glyceric extrac
Of the choicest native, medicinal
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1908-03-11
The wronu Side of the Fence

An inmate Of a Scotch lunatic
asylum wandered down to the high
way in front of the asylum to watch
the operations Of force of laborers,
who were repairing the public road.
Leaning his elbows on the fence he
eyed the workers calmly and at length
remarked:
lizard work, that"
cay" replied one of the men with
some curiosity as to what he would
say next But he only lapsed into
deep reflection.
''How much do you get?'
Fourteen bob a week" ($3.5O.)
Another silent spell.
"But ye'rc no marrit?"
II am, and what's worse, have five
BARNS"
''Me mon.' replied the daft one as
he turned to go back, 81 think vera
on the wrang side O. the fence"
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1908-03-11
A LEARNED LuNATIc.
Alexander cruden, the Compiler Of the
Bible Concordance.

Bible Concordance.
Alexander Cruden, the perseyering
and painstaking compiler Of the ia
nous Concordance to the Bible, was
appointed bookseller to the queen Of
George II. by Sir Robert Walpole. The
Concordance which has conferred ce-
lebrity on his name was published and
dedicated to Queen Caroline in 1887.
He was permitted to present a copy Of
it in person to her majesty, who, he
said, smiled upon him and assured him
she was much obliged to him. She
died sixteen days afterward, and Cru
den did not reap the benefit of the
queens appreciation which he had an
ticipated. He prepared second edi-
ton twenty-four years afterward and
dedicated it to her grandson, George
I'LL For this and a third edition is
sued in 1869 he reaped a reward Of
$500.
Cruden was very eccentric charac-
ter and was thrice placed in private
self Alexander the Corrector" and
also the 'COrrectOr of Morals" his
claim to the latter title consisting In
his stopping all persons whom he met
in public places on Sundays and adj
monishing them to go home and keep
the Sabbath day holy. He was great
believer in the distribution Of tracts
and spent great part of his means in
this way.
It seems difficult to believe that an
eccentric man Of this sort should have
his name associated with such re-
markably painstaking book as his Con-
cordance undoubtedly is, as it must
have cost an enormous amount of la
Dor in Its compila tion, but it was prob
ably the severity of his occupation that
unhinged his mind. He died at Cam
den street, Islingten, ON Nov. /, ITO.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1908-03-11
COURTESY IN THE ORIENT.
An Attempted Innovation That Did Not
Meet With Favor


1t is not always wise to force upon
a people new customs, even those of
advanced principle, in the face of long
established tradition. Lady Burton dis
covered this truth when she attempted
to introduce European courtesy into
the orient. She tells of her experience
in Inner Life of Syria. The incident
occurred at one of her own receptions.
1t is de rigueur, every time coffee.
tea or sherbet comes in for every fresh
relay of visitors that l should take it
with them and drink first When
first arrived used to get up as a mat
ter of course, make the tea and coffee
and carry it round. The dra gomans
would sit lazily and watch.
One day I asked them to get up and
help me. They were pleased to do so
and willingly handed the refreshments
to any Of the Europeans, man or wom
an, but not to their own ladies, who
blushed, begged their pardon and were
quite confused when l made it known
this attention was for them as well as
for others. The women looked appeal
ingly at me and stood up. praying not
to be served. One man who was real
ly in love with his wife, beautiful
creature, gave her teacup as if it
were a good joke, with a little sheer.
She bent, kissed his hand and begged
his pardon.
| / felt quite indignant with the men
for SO behaving to their wives, moth
ers and sisters, but one said to me:
"Pray, Mrs. Burton. do not teach our
women things they do not know about
and never saw
After that | held my tongue, but l
let him know that with Europeans it
was the height Of bad taste not to wait
ON any woman
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1908-03-11
His Place at the Broom

The famous coup d'etat by which Ma
poleon III. gained control of France is
wildly described in the Memoirs Of
Monsieur Claude" Among the many
anecdotes of the eventfu evening of
Dec. 1, 1851, M. Claude gives the fol-
lowing: "Comte de Morny, the chief
spirit of the nocturnal drama about to
be performed, was at the Opera Co
mique in order to allay suspicion. A
lady said to him, M. de Morny, is 1t
true that they are going to sweep out
the chamber Madame, don't know
anything about it, he replied, but il
there is any sweeping to be done
shall try to be on the side Of the broom
handle.''
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1908-03-11
/, Myself.

From this hour decree that my be-
ing be freed from all restraint and
limits.
1 go where / will, my own absolute
and complete master
breathe deeply in space The east
and the west are mine.
Mine all the north and south. l am
greater and better than / thought my
SELF
l did not know that so much bound
less goodness was in me.
Whoever disowns me causes me no
annoyance.
Whoever recognizes me shall be
blessed and will bless me.-Walt Whit
man.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1908-03-11

roots without a drop Of alcohol in
its makeup. All its ingredients
are printed in plain English on its
bottle-wrapper and attested under
oath. DR.. Pierce thus invites the
fullest investigation of his formula
knowing that it will be found to
contain only the best agents known
to the most advanced medical sci
ence of all the different schools Of
practice for the cure of all woman's
peculiar weaknesses and ailments.
DR.. Pierce's Lotion Tablets and
Antiseptic Suppositories may also
be used with great advantage con-
jointly with the use Of the flavor
tie Prescription" in all cases OF
liberation, and in pelvic catarrh.
They cost only IS cents box each,
at drug stores or, sent by mail,
postpaid on receipt Of price IN
stamps by DR.. Pierce whose adj
dress is given below.
| If you want to know more about
the composition and professional
endorsement of the vFavorite Pre-
scription," send postal card request
to DR.. R. v. Pierce, Buffalo, N. Y,
for his free booklet treating of same.
You can't afford to accept as a
substitute for this remedy Of knouss
combositio,s secret nostrum Of Aa-
k,sozva composition. Don't do it.
DR.. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets are
the original "Little Liver Pills"
first put-up by old DR.. Pierce over
40 years ago. Much initiated, but
never equaled. They cleanse, in
vigorate and regulate stomach, liver
and bowels, curing biliousness and
constipation. Little sugar-coated
granules-easy to take as candy.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1908-03-11
The Other Side.

He was a sad-faced American tour
ist. and as he seated himself in a
London restaurant he was immediate
~ attended by an obsequious waiter.
Il want two eggs" said the Ameri-
can, one fried on one side and one on
the other
low is that, sir?'' asked the as
founded waiter.
Two eggs-one fried on one side
and one on the other
Very well, sir
The waiter was gone several min
utes and when he returned his face
was a study
Would you please repeat your
horder, sir?"
Il said very distinctly, two eggs
one fried On one side and one on the
other
Oppressive silence and then dazed
Very well, sir
This time the waiter was gone long.
er, and when he returned he said anx-
iously:
Would it be awsking too much, sir,
to ave you repeat your horder?
cawn't think l ave it right, sir,
y'know.'
1.-TWO eggs said the American, sad
ly and patiently: zone fried on one
side and one on the other
More oppressive silence and another
fainter Very well, sir
/ This time he was gone still longer
When he returned his collar was TN
buttoned, his hair disheveled, and his
face scratched and bleeding. Leaning
over the waiting patron he whispered
beseechingly:
Would you mind tyking boilel
hesgs, sir? I've 'ad some woids with
the cook
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1908-03-11
Best Healer In the World.

Rev. F. Star bird, of East Raymond,
Maine, says: II have used Bucklen's
Arnica Salve for several years on my old
army wound, ana other obstinate sores,
and find it the best healer in the world.
/ Use it too with great success in my
veterinary business" Price 25c at 0.
NJ, Olsen's Drug Store.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1908-03-11
Best He Could Do.

"Sir," said the irate parent as he
unexpectedly entered the parlor, .swhat
do you mean by kissing my daughter ~
Excuse me-" replied the poor but
otherwise honest young man, "but
desired to show my appreciation Of
your daughters loneliness, and kisses
are the only things l can afford to
give her at the present stage Of the
game. Detroit Tribune.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1908-03-11

1t coaxes back that we'll feeling, heal
thy look, puts the sap of life in your
system. protects you from disease. Hol-
listers Rocky Mountain Tea has no equal
rs spring tonic for the whole family.
$50, Tea or Tablets. Pioneer Drug Co.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1908-03-11
An Exception.

MY faith in newspapers has receiv-
ed sad shock said the burglar just
captured in the act
'sHow 500" asked the policeman ad-
justing the cuffs.
I had read so often that a copper
was never around when needed" re-
joined the prisoner, lapsing into sullen
silence.-Philadelphia Ledger.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1908-03-11
SOUTH DAKOTA LAND CHEAP
NEW EMPIRE"


along the $50 miles of new line lust
completed by the Minneapolis & st.
Louis r. r. in Faux, Potter, Wal
worth and Mcpherson Counties.
SPLENDID OPPORTUNITIES
for the investor and business man in
the new towns, and for the HHome-
seeker where good land is still cheap.
NO NATTER WHETHER YOU ARE
A FARMER OR NOT,
write NE for handsome illustrated
folder, which tells all about the best
openings.
Very low excursion rates every
"week Call On our agents.
a. 3. 'CuTTs,
@ P g. T A, M Sc st L r S.
Minneapolis, MINI.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1908-03-11
DR.. Pierce
FayOrite
Prescription

Is non secret, non alcoholic and
most potent invigorating, restorative
tonic and strengthening nervine,
especially adapted to woman's pecul-
lar requirements by an experienced
specialist in the treatment Of her
diseases.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1908-03-11
Unnamed.

Wigg-What errors these novelists
make! Here the author of this book
speaks of his heroine as being un-
manned. Wagg Maybe she was d.
'vorced. Philadelphia Record.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1908-03-11

A man who hopes to succeed must
take himself seriously, even If It be his
business to Danish seriousness.Ch ica-
go Record Herald.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1908-03-11
After the OuarreI

Kind Old Why have you
had trouble with this poor little boy?
Johnny Eastside (haughtily)- trou-
BILE at all, mister. Idone him up with
one hand.-Brooklyn Life.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1908-03-11

Get DeWitt's Carbolized Witch
Hazel Salve-it is healing, soothing
and cooling. It is good for piles. Sold
by Eugene A. Pfefferle.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1908-03-11

You know most people either too well
OF got well enough to trust them.-St.
Louis Globe Democrat.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1908-03-11

NO charge for sewing and laying
saesr' carpets. J. H. FORSTER. 11-tf
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1908-03-11

Wall paper at SC per double roll.
lift. j. FL. FORSTER.
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-27
ScaIper Injunction Stands.

Denver.-A perpetual injunction
against the scalpers in Colorado was
sustained Thursday morning by Fed
eral Judge Riner. He refused to inter
fere in the cases brought before Judge
Dixon at Pueblo, which means those
railroad brokers are also permanently
restrained from selling cut rate tour
ist tickets during the Democratic con
vention Or any other time. Should the
brokers' attempt to continue to do busi-
ness in Denver. they will be prosecut-
ed to the full extent of the law, the
railroads being determined to stop the
practice in the state
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-27
Coal Miners New Scale.

Denver.-A Lafayette dispatch We'd
nesday night says: The delegate con-
vention of representatives from the
unions of the northern Colorado coal
fields held their meeting at Louis
vile today when another wage scale
was formulated. 1t will be submitted
to the various unions for vote, and,
if carried. will then be submitted to
the operators to be acted upon. 1t
is believed that, if the scale passes the
various unions, some of the independ-
ent mines viii lagree to it and work
will be resumed. 1t is understood that
the Parkdale mine has just taken a
contract with the Burlington railroad
to furnish the company 300 tons of
coal daily, the delivery to begin next
week. This leads the miners of the
district to believe that this mine, to-
gether with others, will accept the
scale.
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-27
GOVERNOR BUCHTEL WOULD
HAVE COMMISSION TO CON-
SERVE FOREST AND COAL.
WANTS LEGISLATION
WILL RECOMMEND LAW TO STOP
WASTE OF COAL IN
MINING.

Denver-In an address before the
Denver Real Estate Exchange Wednes-
day, Governor Buchtel spoke in regard
to the recent conference at the White
House, called by the President to stir
up popular sentiment for the preser-
vation and outstanding of the natural
resources of the nation. He told the
real estate men something of the in
teresting personal side of the confer
ence, and then indicated its bearing
upon Colorado.
In the course of his remarks, Gov
ernor Buchtel indicated that he would
recommend extensive legislature tend
ing to preserve the natural resources
of the state, when the Legislature as
,sembles in January. He asked for sue-
gestions along these lines, in order that
the laws that he would ask might be
made as practical and comprehensive
as possible.
According to the governor the con-
ference at Washington was along four
general lires-water, land, forests and
the mines. He explained that Colorado
methods of cultivation were such that
the wearing out of the soil was un.
likely, but that the other three sub
jects were of vital interest to the state.
L ne governor explained lnat IL HOW
is the practice in coal mining to eX-
tract only the good product, and that
thereby there was an enormous waste
when the mines are abandoned. He ad-
vocated legislation that would require
the use of all of the product, thereby
extending the period during which the
supply would be available.
With reference to water and forests
the governor said that this state should
do everything possible to benefit from
these natural resources. He advocated
the use Of water for producing electrial
power. and it's use over again for irri-
eating. The forests, he said, should
be replanted as rapidly as the timber
is cut, thereby insuring a never-ending
supply.
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-27
Colorado Negro Colony.

Denver.-To establish negro col
ony in Colorado ON the lines of Mound
Bayou, Mississippi, is the movement
started by the state branch of the
Colored Mems National Business
League. On Monday committee in
cluding Ernest Washington of Tuske-
gee, son of Booker T. Washington
and S. P. Booze of Boulder, son-in-
law of Isaiah Montgomery, the founder
of Mound Bayou, called upon Register
Vivian of the State Land Board, to
negotiate for ten sections of good ag-
ricultural state land. The state or
ganization will meet in Denver July
9th, when the plan will be fully taken
up, preparatory to asking assistance
of the National League, which meets
in Baltimore in August with Booker
T. Washington as presiding officer
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-27
Not Profane, only Pertinent.

A party went out recently to Loeb
Raven on little pleasure trip, to en-
10y the beauties OF the place, which
some of the party had seen and OF
which all had heard. Arrived at their
destination, one of the ladies looked
at the beautiful scenery before her in
surprise as her gaze rested on the
placid water.
why, thought it was lake!" she
exclaimed.
mo, my dear Mrs. Bis nix" respond
ed another member. suavely mo lake
at all; only dam river. Baltimore
American.
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-27

The Gilpin County Chamber OF
Commerce has presented Lee MEGA
ger, member of the high school grad
uating class of 1908, with a check for
$40 in appreciation of his Grafton en-
titled "Gilpin CONFEDERATION" and
has asked permission to use it in
booklet being got out to advertise the
resources of this county.
John Green Rogers, prospector for
over twenty-five years in Boulder
county was found dead between Spring
dale and Jimtown Monday. The body
was lying partly in the creek Heart
disease caused death. He was seventy
YearS. old. -.