Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-11

sailor. ''Aint you got nary pilot aboard"
What's the matter with you% rOared
the doctor, cant you see where you are
so .l.g:s rsn,,oa ,no man GOO ue, mfr
an, d--n it, you get out of my way or
I'll knock hole tween wind an wasser.'
Why don't you touch your hat to me.
you scoundrel? said the doctor
Touch my hat to your he said. VIVA
for?'
Don't you see my uniform? Don't
you know who am
No. my little man.. said the sailor,
/ who the devil are you. anyhow?
I am the fleet surgeon of the Missis-
sippi' squadron.
"'Oh thunder.' exclaimed the other.
Well. little fellow. you've got a good
berth and you better hoI on to it. but
I'm huck!eberry above that persimmon.
cause I'm the chief cook of the MISSISSIPPI
pi squadron. and you can't come any of
yer "chief surgeon over me- and with
that he staggered off grumbling, Chic
surgeon, indeed. eXpectin chief cook touch
hat to hm-whas the world comm toy
THE doctor gaZed at the fellow as he
tumbled on board the flagship, and if he
had had one of his derringers handy 1 fear
1t would have been all up with the chief
cook, but. s he hadn't. he returned to
his own vessel. a sadder and a wiser man.
He had eaten too many of the chief cook s
di1ners not to know the Importance of
that functionary, so he didn't mention
the occurrence.
But there is always some one around
to pick up good joke and tell it. SO l was
soon informed of what had happened
Next day. when several officers were din
ing with me, among them DR.. p. / told
the story o. the chief surgeon and the
CHEZ cook, and no one laughed heartier
than the doctor. From that time forth he
was less exacting on the subject of rank,
though occasionally he would talk of using
his derringerS
At a Democratic Meeting.
II never encouraged officers to discuss
politics at ALL but I could not control the
fleet surgeon. who would ride ten miles
on horseback to attend a political meet
ing in which he would denounce the ad-
ministration and maintain that without
the democratic soldiers and democratic
money the Union cause would be hope
less.
"A great democratic meeting was to be
held on a certain day a few miles from
Mound City, and the little doctor resolved
to be present. He therefore provided him
self with a speech borrowed a racing
mare 6rom me, and. clothed in his uni
form, set out for the scene of action
There was la-ge assemblage of the gen
uine peanut-and- Enthusiastically stripe,
and. when the fleet surgeon hove in sight
on his racing mare. he was received with
loud applause. Speaking was fairly under
way at the time, and Observation-Disclosures
orator was laying down what he affirmed
to be the true principles of democracy
when the doctor interrupted him. calling
out: You don't know what democracy
means as laid down by Thomas Jeffer-
son.
".Who in thunder are you?' said the
| orator You're too small man to be a
democrat: we want fellows big enough
THE doctor felt for his pistol but. for
tunately he had left it on shipboard. 50
shaking his fist at the orator, he sang
out: Wall till / get the floor and | will
strip you of all your borrowed plumes
and show you up in your true colors.
"Iet the little fellow speak, cried a
dozen voices. Let's hear what the true
man picked the doctor up and dumped
| hira on the platform. There. now. my
| little man, said his bearer. let's hear a
| true exposition OF democratic principles.
You amt much to look at. but I'll bet
YOU know more about democracy than
| any one in this crowd
IAN empty hogshead was brought for
ward and the doctor placed thereon, in
order that he might be visible to his audi
ence
Nov. go ahead they shouted: don't
be bashful; nobody will hurt you; don't be
| afraid
.'If had my pistols hare I'd show you
who was afraid said the surgeon, whose
dander was now up. At which they gave
| him three cheers that made the welkin
ring. The doctor soon regained his COM
posure and began again: 'Fellow-citizens
| You see before YOU and suddenly the
| head of the hogshead gave away. ard the
| orator disappeared from view. He was
fished out mad as hornet. while the
| crowd shouted: Get another hOgshead
| Lift him on your shoulders: let's hear al
| about the true democratic principles etc
But the doctor had seen enough of these
| wildcats, as he called them, and would
not say another word. He mounted his
mare and started for home. a sadder an6
! wiser man.
/ Next day I sent for him to dine will
me and he appeared looking as neat a.