davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25
A Poor Preventive.

'Your husband says that when he
is angry he always counts 10 before
he speaks said one woman.
YES" answered the other. 81
wish he'd stop it. Since he got
dyspepsia home seems nothing but
a class in arithmetic. "-Tit-B Bits.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25
YES. INDEED.

zone swallow does not make
summer" quoted the moralizer.
NO." rejoined the demoralizer,
"but one grasshopper makes a good
many springs Chicago News.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25
The Purpose of God.

The purpose of God through this
revelation for us is not knowledge
alone. Men devote their lives to sci
ence and philosophy. His purpose is
not physical power. 1t is not wealth
and luxury. God comes through His
word to give us eternal life and par
don from the power of sin.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25
PREMATURE INQUIRY.

Parson-''Do yo' take dis man TO-
better or TO- worse?"
Bride-elect-"Lan' sakes, pahson,
how kin All tell so oon!"-Circ1e.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25
IMPOSSIBLE IN A MOTOR.

"You don't mean to say that you
are going back to horses?"
Temporarily. I have moved to
new country place, and l thought l
should like to become acquainted
with the scenery."-Life.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25
BUT ALMOST.

"'Tis not as deep as well nor as
wide as a church door,"
What isn't? The new fall hat?"
louisville Courier-Journal.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25
A Modern Instance.

Nov, Mary" asked the Sunday
school teacher, "can you tell me what
King Solomon did when both women
claimed the baby?"
"Yessum," responded the little girl
to whose home the stork had recently
come with double burden, "he made
twins of 1t. New York Times.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25
FEARFUL ECZEMA ALL OVER HIM.

Few women waste money-if they
haven't got it.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25
AS GOOD AS A POINTER DOG.

Tourist-"Do drive away this hen.
She almost got into my plate once"
Innkeeper's Wife-"Ah, it's only
mother love- She Matched out that
pullet you are eating" -Fliegende
Blaetter.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25
OUR ANNUAL JOKE.

Eve wore fig leaves in summer.
But what did she wear in winter"
"Furze, s'pose. ''-Pittsburg Post.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25
Piles Cured in 6 to IL DAYS.

Pazo Ointment is guaranteed to cure any
Piles in to IA days or money refunded. Soc
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25

Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup for Children
teething, softens the gums, reduces intlamma-
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25
DOMESTIC STRATEGY.

IT don't know that Napoleon was
so much"
How now?"
81 believe l use as much strategy
to get a night out as he expended
in the Austerlitz campaign. Kan
sas City Journal.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25

The first thing man believes he
ought to do when he starts On a
trip is to make cab drivers, sleeping
car porters, and walters think he is
n millionaire.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25
Chance.

There is no such thing as luck In
the world. 1t is an error of thought,
a misrepresentation of the nature of
things, to imagine that we are in any
sense under the dominion of chance.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25
The Reward,

God puts consolation only where HI
has first put pain.-Madame Sweet.
chine.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25

It's nothing to a mans credit if
no one will trust him.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25
DISABLED.

ION what ground do you ask a
special pension? Disability"
Total" replied the veteran. fee
bly,.
Wounded in battle?"
mo. Took a walk with the Presi-
dent ''-Philadelphia Ledger.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25
UNFAIR PLAY.

Foul tactics," declared the half
back.
whats the trouble now?" de-
manded :he referee.
Il tried a kick for the stomach. but
this fellow blocked it with his head"
Houston Chronicle.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25

The meddlesome third party causes
many a divorce
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25
Getting The Cow In Line.

Bystander-What makes that COW
persist in coming over this way?
Artist (annoyed)-Don't you see
I'm drawing her?-Harvard Lam
pooh.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25

lGnl for making seamless steel boat
nulis.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25

Only One "Bromo Quinine'
That is Laxative Bromo Quinine. Look
for the signature of E. w. Grove. Used the
World over to Cure Cold in One Day. 25o.z
The owner of smart dog does
most of the barking. B. N. U. 81.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25
JUST THE THING.

81 want a sort of trade motto"
said the stork. Something indica-
tive of my business"
That's easy" commented the
crane. Whats the matter with
Families Supplied?''= - Houston
Chronicle.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25

itch cured in 80 minutes by Woolford's
Sanitary Lotion Never fails. At druggists.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25
His Wish Fulfilled.

A German peddler raped timidly
at the kitchen entrance. Mrs. Kelly.
angry at being interrupted in her
washing, flung open the door and
glowered at him.
did yez wish to see me?" she
demanded in threatening tones.
The peddler backed off few steps,
"Vell, if I did," he assured her,
with an apologize grin, 81 got my
Wish; thank you. Everybody
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25
A POSSIBLE SOLUTION.
"The earth is wabbling."

scientists note traces of new
form of motion"
Maybe Atlas is rolling us up
ill to satisfy an election bet
Washington Herald.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25

It's a sign a girl likes to be kissed
If she says she doesn't.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25
FISH GET DRUNK
ON WHISKY IN CREEK.
Fifty Thousand Barrels of Fire .
water From DistiIIery Enptied
Into Stream

Scores of colonies living in the re-
gion of the town of Midway, KY,
have taken to water, and are obtain
ing their 'sousas" with fishing poles.
When Greenbauer's distillery,
which, for some reason or other, was
situated near the creek, was de-
troyed by fire, $4,000 barrels of fire.
water were emptied into Elkhorn
Creek. and the next day every fish
that inhabited the creek below Mid
way had hangover"
The whisky foated down stream at
the rate of two miles an hour. Fish
ermen along the banks noticed that
color of their own bait. They were
astouished to see staid old members
of the finny family that had behaved
themselves decorously for years sud-
denly flop out on the bank and at
tempt to climb tree. Turtles came
staggering up the slopes, pursued by
crawfshes bent on fight. Every
thing helow the water line seemed to
have been drinking like fish.
1t was a glorious day for the fishes,
but sad one for the fishermen. The
former were too drunk to see the
bait Crowds lined the creek all the
morning watching the antics Of the
ish.--New York World.
An UncrushabIe Toad.
An experiment was recently made
in the clay testing department of a
machinery company at Bucyrus,
Ohio, in which a toad was placed in
4 twenty ton brick press and was four
times submitted to a pressure of H..
900 pounds without injury.
The question at issue was whether
such a pressure would kill the toad
Ii whether its ability to compress It.
self was sufficient to allow it to come
1ut Of the ordeal alive. The toad
was first placed in lump of granu-
tous clay and the whole pressed into
4 brick. After the huge press had
done its work the solid brick was lift
ed from the machine and the toad
winked its eyes contentedly, stretched
It's legs and hoped aWay.-Fopulaf
Mechanics.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25

Back To The Grind.
Our fatted bank roll gone,
Our coin expended,
We catch the train at dawn,
Football is ended.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1908-12-25
THE COLLEGE WIDOW
us Their

"Mr. Leftguard hugs like Var
ward man"
els there a difference?"
ooh, yes. Every college has dis
tinctive style of tackle. "-Pittsburg
Post.
The La Jara chronicle., 1908-10-09
Lindsey on Hughes
ACTIVITY OF THE OLD BALLOT
BOX SUFFERS.

Since Charles ]. Hughes. Jr.. Demo.
cratic candidate for United States SEN
ator, has opened his "Barl" in Denver
the old leaders of the big Mitt" ballot.
box suffers have become extremely
active and there are strong indications
that many of the twenty-one varieties
of fraud committed in the Peabody
campaign will be used at the coming
election unless the Republicans show
extreme vigilance
Mr.. hughes is a very astute politi-
clan who is also very wealthy. He has
long been the attorney of some of the
public utility corporations in Denver
and is a stockholder in one or two of
them. Denver elects nineteen mem
bers of the next legislature Mr.
Hughes thinks he knows how to get
them. He has turned the mud batter
les of the Denver Post loose upon the
Republican ticket. This together with
the "Bar1," he expects to give him
the nineteen members of the legisla
ture from Denver.
Every Republican in Colorado should
be made familiar with this situation.
Mr.. Hughes has long been Il support
er of the Big Mitt" in Denver.
This is what Judge Ben B. Lindsey
had to say of Mr.. Hughes when the lat
ter was defending the grating Demo
cratic county commissioners in Denver
a few years ago:
He said | was an migrate to have
exposed the commissioners. His logic
was that should have shut my eyes to
the stealing because they were Demo
Gratis and owned the office of judge
and had given it to me. Democrat:
was unfaithful to my friends and my
party; his logic was that had erred
in presuming that the office belonged
to the people. or that owed them any
duty whatever"
This is the sort of man the Democrat |
ic party has picked for United States
Senator and every Republican who
stays at home on election day casts
vote for him.
The La Jara chronicle., 1908-10-09
CROCODILE TEARS.

Mr.. Chairman, much stress viii no
doubt be laid on Democracy's PIE
tended friendship for labor. Crocodile
tears will be shed in great abundance
by the Democratic spellbinder of 1909
as he tells of the heroic efforts of the
minority in this House to enact legis-
lation in behalf of the horny-handed
sons of toll and yet an examination of
the record will disclose the fact that
the only place in this country where
labor is underpaid, where the efforts
of workingmen to organize themselves
into unions meet with determined OF
position and where few laws favorable
to the cause of toll have been incor-
porated into the statutes are the states
that have never given an electoral vote
to the Republican party. Organized la
bor today has membership of approx
imately 100000, and, while ] have no
statistics at hand. undertake to say
that less than So of this great army
of workers is to be found in the Demo
cratic states of the South. Hon w.
\. Rodenberg.
The La Jara chronicle., 1908-10-09

Wyoming. Texas, California and
other states are copying the methods
and regulations of the Colorado Bu-
reau of Child and Animal Protection
The bureau in this state is handling
about 10000 cases of abused, neglected,
dependent delinquent and defective
children per year and about the same
number of abused and neglected ami
mails. The cost of handling these cases
has been reduced to minimum, ow-
Ing to the systematic nature of the
work.
The La Jara chronicle., 1908-10-09
PROTECTION OF HEALTH.

The Republican party stands COM
mitted to adequate protection of the
public health. This is one of the
practical reforms inaugurated by the
last legislature and it is to the credit
of the Republican members of the as
sembly that certain important meas
ures We're placed on the statute books.
There are few matters requiring leg
islation of more Importance than the
protection of human life, yet there are
none upon which legislative bodies are
slower to act. 1t was only after
hard, determined fight that the Colo
rado pure food measure was passed in
both houses and enacted as a law.
What the pure food law guarantees
is known to every housewife in the
state. 1t means that the responsible
ity of the sale and use of adulterated
ana poisonous products no longer rests
upon the housewives shoulders, but
upon the manufacturer and retailer.
When you so to a store and order GER
tain kinds of food, you know it will
come to you over the counter in
healthful state of preparation. Now
that the reform has come and adulter-
ated food is no longer a possibility, all
concerned are highly pleased The
manufacturer knows that he is going
to meet clean competition. because the
other fellow can't adulterate products,
the retailer is glad to handle none but
honest goods. and the family has the
benefit of wholesome food stuffs three
times day.
In this, as in other things, the Re
publican party is entitled to the un-
stinted commendation of the people.
The La Jara chronicle., 1908-10-09

Five thousand school teachers and
207,673 school children come under
the direct supervision of the state su-
perintendent of public instruction. She
also apportions the school fund among
the counties of the state, which, for
the present year, amounted to s272,-
1894. During the encumbency of
Miss Katherine Craig. who is now up
for reelection. the department has
greatly increased its usefulness, a
chief feature being the introduction of
elementary agriculture into the school
curriculum.
The La Jara chronicle., 1908-10-09
Democratic
Extravaganza
THEIR PLATFORM FAvoRs ENoR-
NOUS ExPENsES.-cANplDATE
PIRATES OF ECONOMY.
Platform VS.. Candidate.


The Democratic platform demands
such an enlargement of the powers OF
| the interstate commerce commission
as will enable it to compel railroads
to perform all their duties as common
carriers and to ascertain the physical
! valuation of railroads This would
create scores of Offices. and would cost
the government an enormous sum OF
money.
The platform pledges the party to
enact law creating a department OF
| labor. represented separately in the
Presidents cabinet. This would mean
new expense of several millions an
nually
The platform declares for "an ade-
quate navy" which means the ma IN
tenance of the navy at its present size,
at least; and this calls for an expend-
iture three times as large as the naval
budget of ten years ago.
The platform "favors a generous
pension policy"
The platform advocates the organ
ization of all existing national public
agencies into national bureau of pub
lie health with power "over sanitary
conditions connected with factories.
mines, tenements, child labor, AMI
other such subjects" which would re-
quire an expenditure of millions
The platform favors the establish
ment of district agricultural expert
ment stations and secondary agricul-
tural and mechanical colleges in the
several states" If the government
should erect and maintain colleges in
every state, it would have to spend
many millions annually.
The platform favors liberal and
comprehensive plan for improving ev-
cry water course in the union which
is justified by the needs of commerce"
including the connection of the great
lakes with the gulf, "and the navigable
rivers with each other. and the rivers,
bays. and sounds of our coasts with
each other by artificial canals" and
I'VE favor the creation of a fund ample
~ N'h'iA"puo WI IA. me DOSSlDlll-
ties of expenditure under such plan
are limitless.
The platform favors federal aid to
state and local authorities in the con
struction and maintenance of post
roads." If the government should en-
ter upon road building, it would have
to spend many millions in order to
satisfy the state and local author-
ties.
The platform pledges the party to
the enactment of a bank deposit guar
anty law. applying to all national
banks and available to all state bank
ing institutions wishing to use it" The |
inspection and control of national and |
state banks which would be required |
to prevent abuse of the guaranty law |
would call for large additional CORPS |
of government officers at great ex- |
pense.
Here are propositions for the fed |
eral control of public health, schools. |
roads and banks, with an expenditure
of unknown millions annually.
Yet Mr. Bryan is making speeches
against "centralization' and extrava-
Washington Post.
The La Jara chronicle., 1908-10-09
NEGATIVE AND AFFIRMATIVE.

The Republican party in Colorado
affirms the things it has accomplished
through businesslike legislation and
wise administration. The Democratic
party is in negative position; it nei-
ther accomplished things when it had
the opportunity, nor can it convinc-
ingly demonstrate capacity to do
wise things in the future.
The La Jara chronicle., 1908-10-09

s. H. Stevens, county assessor of Las
Animas county. who is nominee for
state Auditor, came to Colorado in
1883, locating at Trinidad, Las Animas
county, and has been one of its indus
trious and influential citizens. and
always engaged in any movement for
the welfare of Las Animas county and
Colorado.
Mr.. Stevens was also member of
the school board of Las Animas county
for two years. Was business manager
of the Trinidad Advertiser for eight
years. one of the influential daily pa
pers of southern Colorado. Was men,
ber OF the Fourteenth general assem-
The La Jara chronicle., 1908-10-09

Inc ramifications of the Colorado
State Engineers office are greater
than those of any similar department
In the country, SO far as irrigation is
concerned. Scientific data is constant
1y being collected and the process of a
Just apportionment of water is being
more carefully wrought out each day
During the present Republican admin
istration the engineering department
has completed and contracted for four
The La Jara chronicle., 1908-10-09
ord. This department has made an e,
pecially fine showing.

Companies of militia have been mus
tered into service at Walsenburg and
Brush by the state military department
during the present administration
New armories have been put into use
at Walsenburg and Fort Collins and
Brush is soon to have one. The ma
tional guard has been putting many
reforms into effect and interest has
been awakened in the organization in
ment has been added from time to
time.
The La Jara chronicle., 1908-10-09

William S. Dayton, Republican NOM
nee for two-year-term for Railroad
Commissioner, is a man of wide expei-
ience, which especially fits him for tn.
work to which he aspires.
He was born in New Jersey and grad
uated from Columbia University. He
began his legal practice in Colorado
The La Jara chronicle., 1908-10-09

The cost of public printing, thanks
largely to w. A. Platt. the present COM
missioner, has been less than $4,000
during the present administration.
During the orman administration the
public printing cost $4,000, with elev-
en- less departments to be supplied.
The present printing bills paid by Colo
rado are lower than those OF any other
state in the Union.
The La Jara chronicle., 1908-10-09
Facts from the
State House
SHORT PARAGRAPHS SHOWING
A WONDERFUL RECORD OF
ECONOMICAL AND SUC-
CESSFUl ADMINS
TRATlON.

About 800 employees of the various
state institutions are now working un-
der the new civil service law passed
by the Republican Legislature of 1907.
The civil service commission is pro-
ceeding cautiously so as not to dis
turb efficiency of service in any way,
but in due time the requirements of
the law will be rigidly enforced.
The La Jara chronicle., 1908-10-09

The State Auditors department re-
ports a surplus in the treasury of over
s247, 900, left over from the bast four
years, an amount which will be ma
terially increased during the present
year. Every penny of the old deficien-
cy Indebtedness created during Dem
ocratic administrations has been paid
off. clearing the boards of everything
except the old floating and bonded
debt, which must be paid by vote
of the people and special legislation.
There has been decided change in
financial matters at the state house in
recent years. Appropriations for state
institutions have been paid in full and
the efficiency of their work has been
maintained at a high standard
Considering the new departments or
ganized by legislative enactment and
the growth of the old ones, the Audi
tors department shows fine record
for economy.
The La Jara chronicle., 1908-10-09

prevention of disease. Free analyses
are now made of tainted water sent
in for examination and also of swabs
from suspected sore throats. In this
way epidemics of typhoid fever, diph-
iberia, membranous Group and similar
diseases are averted. A free distribu-
ton of anti-toxin is also made to all
parts of the state.
The La Jara chronicle., 1908-10-09

Since the last Democratic admins
tration the State Fish and Game de-
partment has become an important Of
flee in state affairs. During the pres
ent administration 1G5 convictions for
violation of the game laws have been
procured. about ninety per cent of the
arrests made. By the close of 1908 the
department will have planted over s.
100000 trout fry in the streams of the
state from the various fish hatcheries.
The La Jara chronicle., 1908-10-09

Colorado creameries and cheese fac
tories are now closely inspected by the
State Dairy Commission. The scope
of the department has been greatly in
creased by new Republican legislation
and violations of the law in the sale of
inferior products have been reduced to
a minimum. limitations of butter have
been shut out of the market and the
milk supply of towns and cities has
been greatly improved. The Repub-
lican party is in favor of good health.
The La Jara chronicle., 1908-10-09

For the first time in the history of
Colorado state banking institutions are
under careful inspection and supervis-
ion. The new law passed By the last
legislature is now in operation, guar
anteeing depositors the closest expert
supervision at stated intervals and
wise banking restrictions of every
kind. This was Republican measure,
pure and simple. and one of the most
important enacted by the last general
assembly.