The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1908-06-11

kins Thinks That the Major j. TOO
Hopeful-Bilkins Would Not Stop
the Reform Train-Bnl Moody
Gets a Lecture on Passing Events.
A Calamity Threatened.
Correspondence OF The Caucasian
Enterprise.
The weather liz gittin' better fer
the craps now an the farmers air
nearin' smiles az broad az the polly
tishuns wuZ wearin' a few weeks
ergo.
Sum ole feller sed long time ergo
that awl the wurld IL akin. or xurls
er that effeckt. An he wuz erbout
rite. The pollytishuns air awl akin
ter the voters. an they air lookin'
after their kin folks with tears In
their eyes an smiles in their voices
Jist now the pollytishuns air not only
courtin' us fer our votes, but they
air takin' a deep an undyin' interest
in our spirituals an temporal well
fare. They air tryin' ter convert us
an make us guide an keep us So
They air even fxin' hit so We can't
take dram. Oh. If we had only had
sum guide pollytishuns when the
wurld first went into business, II
sich had bin the case, now every
row would hev bin a love-feast, an
riots would hev bin turned into re-
vjvals. But hit IL comm erlong. The
next campane year VIII becum fam
Gus fer the CRATE religious wlrk
turned out. Jits wait. I expeckt ter
see the time cum when candydates
will go erbout the land with banners
f1oatin' with sich wurds az this paint
ed on them: II am the golden rule.
Vote fer me and do not fear the fu-
ture, if l am eleckted." Mrs. Bilkins
thinks l am too hopeful erlong that
line. But when l kin see thing so
plain l can't keep frum maxim re-
marks erbout hit. Even my mule
Bob hez bin affeckted by the CRATE
wurk the pollytishuns air a-doin',
an l don't need a whip when l drive
him. People uster sorter poke fun
at the pollytishuns, but they don't do
hit any more. The pollytishuns air
blottin' out sin by day an savin'
the wurld by mite.
An l am glad an sorry, too. Hit
iz like ridin' down an icy hill on a
board now-we air goin' like creased
lightnin'. But the stoppin' point IL
what | am skeered erbout-that IT,
if We ever stop.
But hit hez exer bin thus. I hev
bin in this wurld guide long time
an they haint bin sumpthin' got up
ter take nigh cuts an save the wurld
anything fer short cuts liz the mot
to.
But l am not ready to throw any
thing on the track an stop or ditch
the crate reform train. Let her
puff an blow an do awl she kin ter
pull the passengers through. But l
am jist throwin' out a little warnin'
| an preparin' the publick ter hear ov
accidents if they do cum, an they
will cum, or am not prophet.
Bill Moody cum over ter see me
| ergin last mite. He iz still existed er-
bout the way things air goin' an
| snake time iz SO nigh. l tell him ter
rest in peace. The snakes air ter be
| put out ov business in a very short
| time. The platform will contain an
| anti-snake plank this year, an two
years frum now hit wont be safe fer
a snake ter show hiz head. Cam
pane oratory will put the finishn'
| touches on the snake family frum the
| ocean ter the mountains. Fear not
We timid ones, the pollytishuns hey
on their war paint an awl will be
| well with us. With their oratory they
| will even bruse the head ov the SER
| pent an cause him ter run until he
will wear his body out draggin' hit
over the ground.
What would happen to us If aw
the pollytishuns would die?" sez Bill
Il can't even guess" sez 1. "Hi
would be an awful calamity like unto
the destruckshun ov Rome or Soutf
Amerikin earthquake. We would bt
in terrible fix, sure. I don't nkt
ter even think ov sic a calamity a.
this time, when l am so nervous
War an pestilence would be tam,
beside sich a terrible thing az that
i I reckon pollyticks air bilin' aw
over the country. I hev bin expectin
ter hear that Billy Bryan hez gaines
the consent ov hiz mind ter run fe
President sum more. Billy il to-
modest ter run exsept in campan
years, an I reckon he will hev te
be pulled out ov hiz den by mail
strength ergin an then they will gi
behind him an push him erlong.
hev thought fer a long time that SUI
ov the sosieties fer the prevention
ov cruelty orter take hand an pur
, teckt Billy, fer they make him ru
= too much fer hiz health. Hit seem
: that they can't git anybody else te
/ run on the dymakrat ticket an ths
! makes hit nifty tough on Billy, VIII
/ hez bin runnin' fer the past sixtee
Y years. Of course, he il a sixteer
D ter-one man. But il hit fair? Look
s ter me like sum other man orter TAX
!. hand an let Billy rest through on
s campane. He hez made sever:
: thousand speeches an that orter b
d sufficient ter give him a guide Ion
s rest. If the sosiety fer the preven
l. shun or cruelty does not attend tt