davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24
Isn't Birdie Funny;

Says a Newport dispatch in the New
York Herald OF recent date:
Birdie Goelst IS always rszdy f7r 55ks Ger
taslly he nepsrra-ed one last Saturday evening when
his notHe- Ms Robert Goele- gave dance for him
The fa71rs were beautiful. but in the Uncle sam
5-z-e Birdie awarded the TTizss personally. and
gave ont b-z-5 new 5 and Doesn't pieces These are
bei1E kept as s1uvenis and their owners are await
irs his next 51ze
Now isn't Birdie the village cut-up?
Evidently. he is more fun 10 Newport
than a box OF monkeys; perhaps more
fun than a monkey dinner You can't
estimate the amount Of hilarity Birdie
does stir UP in Newport's swell set We
feel sure he IS regular scream when
on the Job Of fun-making and firmly re-
solved 70 start something
No wonder Newport is awaiting his
next Joke" in breathless expectancy. In
deed, it must be quite task for his
friends and acqUaintsnces 10 suppress
their risibilities until Birdie" has a
chance to open FIRE again. Wonder what
that an00zin cuss" will undertake next.
anyhow It's bound 70 precipitate a gig
gle, developing almost, If not quite. 10
Mysteries. whatever It is Perhaps he VIII
bIndfold the guests al the next function
he attends and take all those souvenirs
away from them, That would be funny,
Wouldn't So Think how divertiug it
would be 10 the guests to feel Birdie
rummaging around IN their clothes for
those pennies and dimes- Why. they
would Just die laughing.
We see very plainly that Birdie" is
fated 10 succeed Harry Lehr as king Of
the comics al Newport Harry set q hot
pace along foolish lines himself. but ne
wasn't marker 10 Birdie" Not on your
lie. Beside this comelateiy the old
veteran viii look 50 much Ike 30 cents
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24
The NIce Presidencr.

From the Chicago Rec1-I- -HeTald-
The question of the Vice Presidency
was not settled 10y the -wo great political
conventions Of this year Il has taken
on renewed interest from the fact that
all the preachmenrs on the subject have
been absolutely cisregarded. There has
been TO campo isu in many years in which
both candidates FOR the Office were so
little known OF course. this IS rot 20 say
that they are not good men AID cap
able men. for there are many unknown
men who are vastly superior 20 some
Of the celebrities but they must be taken
on faith az the start. and & IS idle TO
expect a sane estimate from campaign
literature The result IS that the people
must vote for possible successors 10 the
Presidency as they might for some can
didate fo- a vaiueless Once in a social
orgn aiZation which the members were
ready TO give to anybody.
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24
THE YIELDING OF PUTEY.
He Dared Not Resist Markel Public
Feeling
Fr1n The Manchester Uui9n-

rle llE-l0.g-T-r lal.i-
The few days 5lst past haveseen a no
table and significant episode m the New
Hampshire struggle against government
by the railroad Chairman EfHry NJ Put
uey. Of the railroad commission. VINO up
90 within a week. was s-Egesting that
New Hampshire wait sr NaSsara3-
serts IN rr- matter OF express rates. has
,lrruu-f rf.fs tone toward petitioners and
ryas a date for q hearing This is q sub
srarr,a1 achievement for those who are
trying 60 put rule by ths New Hampshire
citizens in place Of ruI by an absentee
usurpar exercising stolen authority
through se-viTe state ofc-ais-
Consider the Circumstances under which
Mr.. Purra~ has abauGfnei his plan Of aa-
,-fsfrz petitioners o. aait. and cliuchiug
such advice by not fixing o date HIS
board had adhered IN the express rates
matter 10 several 4 she cardinal p5stu-
Iates which have mfde its reign notorious
]. Let Massachusetts men govern New
Hampshire
. Let New HaUpSlire state otheia-S
draw their salarts with the least at-en-
. ton % official d-cy possible.
g Let the citiFls kick pay no atten-
. zion 10 them. mere than TO suar! at them,
/ The business ren OF the state have re-
voIteI against this programme They
have made it clear that they propose &c
-aza a real vart i1 the government Of
#r-fs C1uuouTealtL. whatever may he The
. desires Of ae55euts Of any other state
T They have most respectfully firmly IN
sisted that fse New Hampshire c0wmis
I Si1re-s must not entirely neglect the serv-
Z ice for wLfrh they are richly Compen
Sat-I. and uvst cease making iavestlga
tons bv -fcxy. with me. ZOO. al tu'
end They have demonstrated that ever
-re -H5-E--=ziuned raiI0oad commissions
can = made 20 respond. 2 the citiZel
only press long enough and Erml-
enough 1lr. Pu-uey declared against pe
rltfa~s a~G hearings ar this time Their
are -et-1ouS- There Is going % be
hearing In other words. the spirit Of In
saua-ss1cz In New. Hampshire = n.
ITongr- 3D. mere campaign CRY. nur mean
business with business men An iEc-den
has occurred lu which Henry n Putue,
did not have his way. because he dare
I nor r-SlSt public opinion.
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24
Tariff Tree Destroyer.

F--- trc Nashville A-s-i-au-
Cauadian luuberue1 are discussing the
rtd1ction Of their cut next winter from %
% 90 per cent on account Of American
competition. which. they claim. has IA
vrived a loss OF S710.101 American lum-
Der enters Canada free. and is sold al re-
5uced prices-for much less than it sells
II home. This IN spite Of the fact THAI
lumber IS scarce n the United States and
growing scarcer at an appalling rate The
American tariff on lumber is s. Per 1850
feet This enables the dealers 20 main
tain a high price at home keep out for
eigu lumber. and to dump lumber into
Canada at prices cheaper than IN this
country
The tariff on lumber in this country
does not protect American forests" and
was not expected 70 do 50. It does not
protect the consumer Il does enable the
dealer 10 make an undue profit
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24
The Cure of lacks Soul.

a movement has been started in New
York the purpose Of which is TO urge
lpon our naval authorities the need Of
providing more chaplains for the ships
Of the United States navy A number
Of good people are distressed over the
thought that no one seems to care about
the cure Of the soul Of poor Jack TEr. the
powers that be being. apparently. much
more interested in making a good gun
pointer OF a skilled brasswork cleaner
out Of him than a good Christian
The work Of getting the naval people
10 provide additional chapIaius viii be-
headed by the American Seamen's Friend
Society, which has been working for the
betternleut Of the condition Of sailors
ever since the civil war. It may seem
q rather sentimental need. this Of addi-
1ionaI chapIains for the war ships. but
there IS something more than a mere
sentiment in the demand that "P0o~
Jack shall have the same chance Of
religious burial at sea and service on
Sundays as his fellow-citizeus sshs-a.
The American Seameu's Friend Society
points out that there are thirty thousand
American homes that have a father. son.
or brother serving Uncle sam in the
navy, and that more than one-sixth or
these families live in ST Louis, PittsbUrg.
Chicago. Des AI0ines. Kansas City. and
Milwaukee alone. while only IA are 10
Gated In New York This is brought for
ward 70 show that although the seaports
Of the country are all represented by
United States Seamen. by far the greater
proportion of the men behind the guns
hail from the inland towns and cities
Other national and church orEauIza-
tons are interesting themselves in this
matter, and an effort viii be made TO
get Congress TO provide one chaplain. at
least, 20 every FIVE hundred souls IT sea.
To-day there are only two chaplains Yep
reseuriug this nation with the 1890
5ackies Of the feet that IS now on
the other side o. the world I'm the
British navy there IS always one chap
lain 70 every vessel. while in nearly
every other sea force in the world pro
vision is made for Sunday services and
for proper burial at sea
For the $3.50 enlisted men IN the United
States navy to-day there are only twenty
four chapIains- Eight OF these are scat
tered on shore duty. while eight more are
attempting 10 cover many other stations
on recruiting ships. dockyards. and at An
naPolis. As a result, so say the officers Of
the American Seamen's Friend Society,
thousands Of good Americans are deprived
OF religious ministration In life and the
thought Of spiritual consolation at death
For sixty-seven years not one chaplain
has been added TO the navy. although in
that time the enlisted men have been in.
creased fve-fold, so il would seem that
It vas high time that Congress was urged
10 take some action in the matter That
is. unless our wise legislators believe that
II is sufficient for the sailors 70 know
according TO their old song. that
There's a sweet lir-ls chzr1b that SITS ap aloft
Ard LOOKS after the soul Of Too7 Jack.
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24
PASSING SUMNER.

Where the red rose waves Eood-by-
Where the south vinds sadly siEb.
We shall bid farewell 10 sumner as a dream that
had % die
For the SHOWS q winter l0crn
SPECTRAL white szairst the gloom
OF the shadowed SKY that srctces over feids bereft
Of bloom
We shah miss her lanes Of light
In the sweep of winters blight
We shall noun her passing beauty as We cone to
say goodnight;
Al her golden yesterday
Al he- sunny. fowered wavs-
AL the sweetness q her twilight where the moon
drifts thruugh The haze
We shall usiSs the dreams Us knew
From her silrered dawn Of dew
To her dusk Of purple shadows where the red stars
tumble through;
All the music we have known
From her soaEterS. northward flown.
Carried 70 Us from the corrses dream Of song IS
blown
But the red rose waves good-hy
And shadow clouds the sky
As the south wind whispers TO Us II the mur1nuT Of
sigh,
Just step acTuss the way
And the souber SKY Is gray
Where the only light that fingers is dream Of yss-
terdsy.
s-NssaTIls Tez1esseAn-
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24
Fairbanks N Ambassador.

From the Providence Journal
There IS renewed talk OF sending Nj
Fairbanks % an important foreign court
as our diplomatic representative IN the
event OF NIr. Taft's election The Vice
President has presided well over the Sen
ate. and st Quebec the other day proved
himself equal 10 the occasion he Is not
formally trained 10 diplomacy. but he
would probably care adequately for our
interests at almost any capital At the
same time the rule Of promotion. which
has recently become Of more Importance
IN such appointments. would suggest the
names of our promising Ministers az
subordinate posts for transfer TO cities
Ike Paris and London.
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24
BRYAN AND LABOR
II VIII Not De His Fault If He
loses Labor Vote.

1t VIII Not be His Fault If He
loses Labor Vote.
Prom the Ner YORK Post
II VIII not bc Mt Bvyan-s fault Il he
does not get she whole labor vote Il
am yours % command. il there Il any
thing not I'm our platform that you want
please step Up and ask for It." This IS
the tenor OF his speech q yesterday 20
loo Iabor-llion men who visited him with
a former general oC COxey's army at
thelr head As for the platform Itself
iu its treatment OF labor it IS just per
feet. says Mr.. Bryan. particularly the
plank proposing new Cabinet position.
Department OF Labor. with a labor
man AT Us head The boss uf the Demo
cratic party was also much gratlded'
that the injunction plank was satisfsc-
tory Co w0rzfrEruer- indeed. he believes
that il viii be satisfactory 20 everybody.
the form Of the resolution being partIcu-
larly EraufyinE. &c &c. Particularly
gratifying 20 everybody. because so
WoTGed as to mean little or nothing. or
much. as the reader choices. How. af-
Ter this speech. organized labor can fail
% follow Mr. GoUpers into the Bryan
camp We do not see Here is a man
( .uveiEhDE against special privileges Ot
au kinds Offering harEa air-couur=r as
Sortment OF them 90 labor that would
make 10 a specially favored class How
/ can L refuse 20 b- the exception 20 prove
Mr Bryan'S rule
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24
The Spider and -

From the Philadelrhla Press
In the long warfare between the spider
and the fly. the latter has had the house
wife for its auxiliary and friend. The flies
have been tolerated. even fed and nur-
tUred. while the spiders and their webs
have been ruthlessly destroyed This IN
remittinE and unrelenting war against il
keeps the spider population down, while
the flies increase and multiply by the
millions and tens Of millions. almost un-
checked The spider is ugly and his web
unsightly in the estimation Of most peo-
pie. but spiders hurt no human creature.
They feed on flies. which are the foes
Of mankind. and do mankind a service
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24
DIVIDENDS AND PRICES.
Corporations VIII Fail Twenty
Millions short

From the New York Mail.
The interest and dividends to be dis
tributed by corporations this month VIII
fall about 100000 short Of the amount
distributed last August The loss occurs
wholly in the dividend list. as the inter
est payments viii be larger next month
than year ago This loss IS caused
mainly by reductions in dividend rates
and the passing Of dividends. In few
Instances payments have been changed
TO September
It IS not pleasant 20 contemplate so
large a reduction in the dividend &C
count. but it would be still more IN
pleasant We're it not understood that
since these payments were provided for
by directors there has been considerable
Improvement in business All the divi-
dends are from earnings for a period
which has passed.
The loss Of some S20pG 600 n the inter
est and dividend account for August
following losses for preceding months &
this year. gives further interest to te
high figures in the present stock mariet
lists Prices have moved upward in me
face Of smaller dividends. or none at all.
and OF reports of only moderate i'm
proveIaent in business conditions
one explanation which has been ofere,i
in the last few days 70 account for tht
sharp rise. after making allowance 10
manipulation and increased activity q
the n0nprofessionaI element. is that tA
the long decline. when prices were ~
ing very low. there was great dear y-
buying Of odd lots by investors Iils
cleared the market. &c is said. Of q FFse
part Of the floating stock There ls.n9"
a shortage. which has helped % 'laAs
prices. Just as would a shortoge Y any
commodity. Movements Of this kiri are
not unknown % the stock marker tlI
/ they are uncommon. II this expiration
/ is trustworthy. there are a good many
I persons who are 20 De C0ugratUlaud upon
- IL ------- =
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24
should HnEhes Be Nnmedr

From Tire New York Mail
Those who believe. and. as many Re
publicans do. earnestly believe. that Gov
Hughes should not be named again are
entitled TO an opportunity TO prove their
case. If they are right. If the Hughes
strength is purely superficial and Il the
Hughes weakness is widespread and sub
stantial. then the sooner that fact is
esta biished the better it will be for all
concerned. The great thing now is to
get at the fact
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24
Ia Toilette PIanks.

From the Springfield Republican.
II was of mighty little use that the
Chicago convention voted down the three
La Toilette planks Of publicity for cam
paign contributions. popular election Of
United States senators. and physical
valuation Of railroads. They did not get
into the party platform, but Mr.. Taft
has written them. with some amendment
into his own platform. and that is more
10 the purpose In the matter Of publicity
Of campaign contributions. however, he
stflI makes the mistake OF favoring pub
Ecity only after the election is over.
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24
BryanS Chance,

From the New Orleans Ticsygne-
But while the trusts and combinations
can be depended upon to put up money
for the campaign Of the Republican can
didate. his election will remain wholly
with the RooseveItian masses. Should
they discover that the judge is only mas
querading in his patrons clothes they
may turn upon him. and stripping the
disguise from his ponderCas body. carry
their support TO Mr. Bryan. and put once
more q Democrat in the Presidential
chair. This IS really Bryan's chance for
election.
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24
TO SUBSCRIBERS.

That vacation of yours viii be
Incomplete unless The Washing
ton Herald follows you.
1t Will be like n daily letter
from home.
Wherever you are, is viii reach
you regularly, and the address
viii be changed as often as de-
sired.
each case the length of time you
desire paper sent TO new address.
Daily, 20 cents n month; daily
and Sundya, 90 cents. Postage
prepaid.
Telephone Main $500.
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24
An Appeal to Reason.

From the Albany Journal.
AIR. Taft's speech IS an appeal to the in
teIigence and the fairness Of the Ameri-
can people. It is a series Of arguments
addressed 10 reason. There is in it not a
line that could be miscOnstrued as an ap-
peal 10 prejudice or passion, or Of which
4 could be said that IL was set down for
the sake Of the effect OF mere assertion.
Each assertion that Mr. Takes makes Is
based upon grounds that are made so
clear that no mind OF average quality
can fail to perceive them.
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24
The FEerce Light.

From the Boston TrausTipt-
Congressman LHley's leadership in the
race for governor Of Connecticut Is
product Of the uniformly rosy light with
which many communities view the actfvi-
ties Of their own representatives in Wash
ingtoR.
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24

''New York sneers al the South because
the South is no longer compelled 10 Dor
row its money FOR moving the cotton
crop" saws the Pittsburg Post The South
VIII hardly answer back. however it viii
let its money. talk
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
A dixie REDTCED.

Twas a member OF the peerage crossed
the ocean in the steerage.
With a title that he wished 70 try 10
sell.
But although his rank is fairish. seems
he struck a market bearish,
And he has no chance OF doing very
we'll
Since he cannot hU his Golfers, he IS now
in search of offers.
And there's nothing within reason Eell
decline
Tired Of bill-collect0rs doiging- he il eN-
change for board and lodging
All the titles of an ancient ducai line
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24

the cases OF two men-one Walter Dun
can. who had been convicted and sen
fenced for having killed Newt Haziett,
a night rider. and Riley Harris. who
was also convicted IN the same case At
once the governor made his word good
and pardoned both the culprits.
Drastic as this remedy seems. it is. in
a way. making the punishment fit the
crime" It is plain that for long time
the county officials have been quite help
less; indeed. in some Instances it has
been suspected that they aided the night
riders. II they did not even belong to
that organization. And then. too, In some
communities local sentiment has been so
strongly with the lawIess riders and burn
ers that II was easy 10 secure a conviction
against any one who opposed them
At least the remedy OF Gov. Wilson
viii stop all that The governor has de
clared that a mans house Is his castle;
that any one who seeks 10 invade It with
out due process Of law may be shot down
ike any other malefactor. Some such
strenuous remedy was evidently needed,
and it VIII be astonishing If there IS not
a marked cessation in the Kentucky out
RACES
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24
Waste of Time.

III Iea+e it TO Diug65J If that ma
cline amt an aerOplaEe."
'Dingbat win bear nIe out thar its q
helicopter.'
Don't leave it 20 me, gentlemen In
tCrpOsed DluEbar WANTS the use ~
fussing about an sirsulp that won't ny2'
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24

IF all Democratic ofiice-hoIders in this
country would dig up in the same pro
portion that the grand old mayor Of TimP-
son. Tex. dug. the campaign fund would
lack nothing desirable He came across
with a whole years salary
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24

A number Of our contemporaries are
worrying for the safety Of that new
horse Nr- Taft recently purchased Per
haps Mr.. Taft would do better 10 stick to
those Roosevelt hobbies until the end Of
the campaign. anyhow.
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24

The theatrical fight now on in New York
over The Devil reminds one irresist-
IDLY Of Gen. Sherman-s famous definition
of war
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24

A number OF European papers are still
speculatiuE as q what Emperor William
said 10 King Edward when they met re-
Gently II this is to be an unlimited
guessing contest. We enter this "Is IL
hot enough Tor you2"
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24

II Springfield, i'll. attempts 10 follow
all the advice II has received during the
past few days. no telling where it VIII
land
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24

spank him. Miss WHhelmiua, says
the Detroit News We don't think her
majesty has had any practical experience
in the gentle are Of spanking. but. being
a woman. We suspect she would know
intuitively how to 20 about it.
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24
Not Very Fresh

II went 70 a UlrIazqIe show last even
ing
How was the olior'
Rather rank
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24

In the prohibition drama now being
enacted down South. Jacksonvillians are
playing some heavy roles.
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24
Force of Habit.

III never get engaged to another
actor
Why notg-
They can't make love without a spot
light
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24
Not Usually.

Appealing ewes enchanting are.
But summer beauN
Are scarce. say I. attracted by
A peeling nose.
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24

Old King MeueIik recently had occasion
20 reprimaud his grandson Prince LIdje-
In other words De found II necessary 10
sit on the TfT5-.
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24

"A Bryan and Kern club in Los Angeles
is composed entirely OF Chinese-who can
not vote" says the Concord Monitor Just
as well be composed Of Washingtonians.
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24

Shakespeare often slipped Up on his
English. SAYS a literary critic. Or fell
down on #. as YOU prefer.
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24

that you couldn't figure the difference
with q Philadelphia lawyer to help you
along.
We shall keep our eye on Birdie" lie
is certain to be heard from as he chuckles
and outlaws through life. Already it is
apparent he is something of a wonder.
Mr. Bryan says baseball Is finer
sport than golf" Now. wasn't that
sly dig AT Taft2
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24

An Iowa woman SAYS. Heaven is filed
with pianos" We don't believe young
ladies' are permitted % practice chromatic
scales seven hours per day up there. how
ever
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24

in the Hams case. IT appears. OF course.
you don't understand exactly what that
means; and the truth about it is. you are
not expected to.
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24
A sermon in Brief.

He's a good loser"
But "A poor prOvider.'
Wei. You can't expect 4 wage Garner
to be both"
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24

What Is fetching Eat7~ inquiries a
contemporary- We are not sure; We be
Iieve We could Io,4te a riding hat OF a
walking hat however.
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24

An enterprisiuE Cincinnati gentleman
has picked out a Cabinet for Mr.. Taft
composed entirely OF Ohio MEN Why so
modest2 Surely ne might just as well
have made them all Cincinnati men.
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24

a man named Lemon was recently
lyuched at Skidoo. Colo" says the Macon
Telegraph. The only Jhing necessary to
complete this story is the further state
uent that there were exactly twenty-three
men in the lynchlng- party
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24

The president Of q South American re
public is reported "to have died natural
death. while still in Office Probably an
oversight
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24

one pleasant thing IN connection with
the present national campaign is this. So
far. Benedict Arnold and Judas Iscariot
have not been mentioned TO hurt.
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24
Not EnthusIastlc.

Were going 20 send your town
graphophone TO speak on political topics
next Thursday night. and w waat some
prcminent citizens on the platform
"AI right" responded the citizen ad-
dressed. wen provide few wooden
Indians as a background
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24

1T IS difficult 20 understand how the
you-E man with the turned-up trousers
and the striped hatbaud can be as foolish
as he looks says the Chicago Record
Herald. Almost as hard as to understand
how Ee can possibly look as foolish AS
DE IS
The Washington herald., 1908-08-24

johnson. johnson. John a. Johnson
II seems that Minnesota just can't get
too much Johnson