davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Arizona republican. [volume] (Phoenix, Ariz.) 1890-1930, 1908-09-02
SITUATIONS WANTED.

WANTED-Position on dairy: good
milker5 capable of taking charge; 5
years experience. Address, j. X. M,
914 5. Second avenue
BABIES CARED FOR-WhiIe the
mother shops goes to church or wher-
ever, from week old UP. good care
and motheFing. Parent must furnish
food or lunch, no sick ones taken, 80
cts per hour or fraction. Mrs Car
oline Craig, 1888 E. Van Buren, St,
Tempe Road. Taken every day but
Saturday. ...
SITUATION WANTED-First class
cook and wife want position t. run
mine boarding house or hotel, salary
or own responsibility, would start or
buy small hotel or restaurant. Ari-
iona preferred. d. Stang, 222 n.
Fremont Ave, Los Angeles. Cal.
WANTED position as stenographcr-
address Box II, this office.
WANTED-Position as gasoline en-
gineer, II years experience, good ref
erences. Address ]. L. Tremble, 242
West Washington ST
Arizona republican. [volume] (Phoenix, Ariz.) 1890-1930, 1908-09-02
Summer Snap

Fifty acre ranch under highest
state of cultivation, forty acres in al
falfa, fenced in six fields, small
hpuse, good. well with tank and gas
fofine engine, orchard containing
peaches, plums. grapes, etc. Less
than four miles west under Maricopa
canal. One of the best producing
small ranches in the valley-a good
some or splendid investment. Stock
and farm implements may be had
with place. This ranch is worth
5000 per acre today but if taken this
month the price is only S165 per acre.
Arizona republican. [volume] (Phoenix, Ariz.) 1890-1930, 1908-09-02

II you want everyone TO greet you
NTH a smile upon his face.
Carry Crystallized Cactus Caney
From Donofrio's place
Arizona republican. [volume] (Phoenix, Ariz.) 1890-1930, 1908-09-02

FOR SALE.-Span1sh Course Scholar
arship with International Correspond
dence Schools. Includes textbooks,
photograph. pronouncing records all
complete. E r. Redewill, 224 w.
Wash. St
Arizona republican. [volume] (Phoenix, Ariz.) 1890-1930, 1908-09-02

ATTENTION TENANT FARMERS
have a proposition to offer, much
better than an ordinary lease, in that
you may get the land, which is now
in cultivation. In this connection l
:. would like to meet some one who
might establish store and creamery
station. Fowler, Arizona National
Bank Bldg, Room I.
Arizona republican. [volume] (Phoenix, Ariz.) 1890-1930, 1908-09-02
FOR SALE

Nine room brick house with three
fifty-foot lots. good location, for 81
500, easy payments; $500 down and
$25 per month will handle it. The
house could not be duplicated for
less than $3.50. Think of it, house
and three lots for $500.
Two lots in University addition for
$500, easy payments, ten dollars down
and So per month will take the two.
Arizona republican. [volume] (Phoenix, Ariz.) 1890-1930, 1908-09-02

cap off of motor
cycle. Finder please return to Ari
IONA Motor Co.
Arizona republican. [volume] (Phoenix, Ariz.) 1890-1930, 1908-09-02
FOR RENT

Eight-room furnished house. suita-
bic for two small families, two baths,
separate gas fixtures, kitchen, etc.
for S25 side or $50 for the entire
house. This house is close in and
handy to the schools.
Seven-room brick house, close in,
for $40 per month, no modern con-
veniences.
Eight-room brick house in good 10
cation for $25 per month, city water,
but no other modern conveHiences,
Desirable furnished rooms in good
locations on application.
Furnished rooms for light house.
keeping for $40 and up per month.
b. G. PEChA
510-512 West Washington st.
Real Estate. Loans and Insurance.
Phore Red 901. Phoenix, Arizona.
Arizona republican. [volume] (Phoenix, Ariz.) 1890-1930, 1908-09-02

FOR EXCHANGE-s2 600 worth in
come property, close to Los Angeles,
Cal, for good orange grove, ranch
or grain land. What have you. w.
p. Cooper. Phoenix, Arizona, Box $50.
Arizona republican. [volume] (Phoenix, Ariz.) 1890-1930, 1908-09-02
HELP WANTED.

GIRL WANTED at Troy Laundry.
WANTt.D-Respons man to put in
so acres cultivated land into grain.
Three miles north of Alhambra.
Land water and seed furnished. G..
i. NClI, Arizona Laundry.
IF YOU WANT to earn $50 to 5000 a
week right in your own city, write
at once for full particulars ]. NJ.
Harris & Snyder Co, Marbridge
Building, oath St, & Broadway, New
York.
WANTED-A woman cook, in country.
Inquire at Arizona Sanitarium.
Arizona republican. [volume] (Phoenix, Ariz.) 1890-1930, 1908-09-02
STA6LE AND CORRAL.

ENSIGN lSTABLES-General livery,
boarding and sale stable, second
hand vehicle and horse clipping.
corner of 1st and Adams.
STAR LIVERY feed and sale stable,
22S e. Adams: also pasture for 20
head of horses.
THE CONGRESS STAGE meets all
trainsnGA. P. Miltenberg. Proprietor
ON CALL = HACKS ON CALL
Golden Eagle Stable. Tel. Main 81.
Buses, Ambulance. Liysry.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-07-11
"a Corruptionist."

"a corruptionist." said Senator De-
pew, 'once entered voters house. In
the voters absence he pleaded his
cause to the mans wife. Finally, spy.
ing wretched kitteh on the floor, lie
said:
"Tll give you $25 for that animal.
ma'am. Do you accept those termsr
"Tll try to- said the woman,
though Jim's hard one to move when
his minds made up; but, anyhow.
you've got real cheap kitten there.
Your opponent was in yesterday and
gave me $50 for its brother"
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-07-11
Az 10 Rare Rssf.

"It Is mistake" said Otto Il.
Schaar, the president of the New York
Walters club. Ito think that an Eng
lishman always wants his beef excess
lively rare. AS matter Of fact. the
English like their beef better done
than we do. ] once saw q. waiter"
he continued, serve an English duke
with cut of very. very rare sirloin.
The duke looked closely at the slice Of
bright red meat. Then he said
Walter, just send for the butcher,
will your The butcher. sirY the
waiter stammered. Yes said the
duke, This beef doesn't seem to be
quite dead yet" ip.9f <n
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-07-11
The Long and Short of II.

Two golfers. one an expert at the
game and the other tyro. were play-
ing a long hole, and the tyro took sew
eral strokes to get on to the green. II
was a large green and his ball was
about sixty yards from the hole. which
he managed to "hole out" Turning to
his friend he observed, "There is no
doubt my short game is better than my
long"
There is NO doubt" answered the
expert, that 1t is longer."-Harpers
Weekly.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-07-11
HIS USELESS KICK.
A DissruntIed Mans Experience In .
Windy City Restaurant.


you've kept me waiting fifteen min.
utes for that steak" grumbled the man
at the table In the far corner of the
restaurant, "and you bring 1t to me
overdone and not fit to eatr'
Sorry, sir" said the waiter. 81
couldn't bring 1t any sooner. We're a
little short handed today. I'll take the
steak back and bring you another one
If you say So"
"And keep me waiting another fifteen
minutes? Not by laundering sight
I'll eat this piece Of sole leather, but
I'll report you to your boss"
Begging your pardon, sir, think
you'll find that steak all right. 1t does
not look to me overdone."
"I'm not asking your opinion about
It,"
II know It. am offering 1t volunta.
rily."
You're pretty blamed fresh for n
waiter Are there any more at homo
like youT
Several. You don't have TO pay for
that steak If you don't like 1t, sir, and
you don't have to eat here at all If
there's any other place that suits you
better, you know"
Then the waiter went away to attend
to another table.
who's that fellow with the pompa-
dour that waited on mer' asked the
disgruntled customer fifteen or twenty
minutes later as he settled his score at
the cashiers desk. 81 want to report
him for impertinence."
"Him?" said the cashier. "Geel Don't
you know? He's the proprietor "--Chl-
cago Tribune.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-07-11
a DireflII Threat.

1t was during u very tedious ride on
a western railway, and the passengers,
tired, dirty and thirsty all berated the
company with the exception of one
single man. His fellow passengers
commented on this, and asked him
why he did not denounce the company
too.
ut would be hardly fair" he re-
piled, "as ! am travelling on free
pass, but IL they don't do better pretty
soon, blame me IL ] don't go out and
buy ticket and join u."-Harper's
Weekly.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-07-11
.DOINCS OF A TRAMP,
There Are Times When He May
Have to Go Hungry For a Day.
BUT DON'T HAPPEN OFTEN

So the DiIapidated Gentleman Says,
and He Ought to Know From Ex-
perience--The Best Kind Of intro
duotions to Farm Houses.
Copyright. 1905, by T.. C. McClure.l
"There are times when even the
tramp who knows his profession from
A to 2 may nave to go hungry for a
day." said the dllapidated gentleman.
"but that Is a circumstance that won't
happen three times year. II In vii
lnge, you can always strike house
where the woman wants some wood
cut or coal brought In or ashes taken
out and is willing to set you out a
meal I'm exchange. About one farmer in
ten will drive you away with threats.
Some of the others will send you along
with. n hand-medown, and others VIII
give you square meal for an hours
work.
"The first thing on coming to farm
is to properly introduce yourself. That
Is where so many of the profession
fail The sight of q great big hungry
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-07-11
.EvoLUTIoN's DARKER SIDE.

Distinctly does my mind recall
The day / evoiuted
To this 30 called terrestrial ball
From realms preinstituted.
seemed to know upon that day
That I, alas, was fated
To wander my eternal way
Absurdly antedated.
No sooner had my opened eyes
Observed my new surroundings
Than / was forced to my surprise.
To swallow strange compoundings
In no remembered cline or state
In ages prehistoric
Was ever 1t my awful fate
To taste OF paregoric.
When bobbing softly In the brine
Or wriggling through earths strata
No giant killer tale for mine
Nor Humpty Dumpty datal
And when l sprang from tree to tree
Or sang with birdlike chirrup
knew no taste OF catnip tea
And none of soothing sirup.
So now, as I remarked before,
saw my sad position
My age a million years or more,
Yet dandled on cushionl
In vain | howled with lusty throat
In angry protestation.
They simply put me In a boat
And rocked like all creation.
They washed me of with slippery suds
And gave my back chalking,
Then swaddled In abnormal duds
The parts put on for walking.
And no interpreter ia heard
In monkey land or other
Could fathom by q single word
The gibberish OF my mother.
OF course 1 queried right and left
AS soon as l was able
Why 1 of feathers was bereft
And why we used table.
i even asked my latest kin
To give some explanation
Why tooth and claw should be dfawn
in
When battling with a ration.
And now I do my level best
To fill the bill suggested;
I'm acting muchly like the rest
With human forms invested.
But, soto voce, i would add "a
/ wish I'd left creation
Before i got-and got II bad
This INSTRUMENTATION.
New York Evening Sun.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-07-11
A Forecast,

Pennsylvania railroad employees are
telling a story about an Irish fireman
who applied for place as engineer.
He answered the officials severe ques,
tions during the examination in a sat
isfactory manner until one asked.
Suppose you were running your en-
gine sixty miles an hour on a single
track, and, running around a curve,
saw another engine come toward you
at the same speed and only u short
distance away, what would you do"
The applicant was not stumped, and
with but moments hesitation de
clared, I'D bless myself.
cott's Magazine.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-07-11

playing cares, and she had Just won
her fifth successive game without his
having charged her with being a fraud
and a swindler. He was the first to
see me, and with There is our dear
mother" he came running down the
hall to greet me-he that hardly three
months ago referred TO me as "that
old cat! My daughter was well and
looking happy, and 1t is not necessary
70 say that was taken aback.
waited for Mr.. Bowser to ask ''why
I'm the devil / came" as he did last
time, but he rubbed his hands and
smiled and said he was awfully glad to
see me. thought to start him off by
saying that l had come down to
straighten him out but he only rubbed
and smiled the more. He ran down TO
the kitchen and told the cook to set
me out the best In the house, and as
he returned he patted me on the shoul-
der and joyously said:
why. mother. you are looking as
young and lively as a two-year-oid
coltl No one would take you for a day
over forty"
A few brief weeks before when the
cook had asked him my age he had CIV
en- snort Of contempt and replied that
would never see ninety again.
For the next hour l kept looking at
Sarah and expecting her TO burst out
crying, but she did nothing of the kind.
lt'was not until had made an excuse
TO send Mr.. Bowser to the drug store
that I could get word with her In
private. Then she Informed me that
he had come home with one of his
-spells" on that husbands get about
once In three months and that 1t might
last day or two. She had taken him
In hand soon after he came home, but
had made no impression.
She had shown him the gas bill.
She had told him the range coal was
out.
I She had said that one of the water
pipes was leaking.
She had said the cook wanted more
wages.
She had asked for money to buy ho-
siery.
He had passed through each and ev.
cry crisis with the utmost serenity and
had even let her beat him In euchre
without smashing up the furniture.
When husband gets such spell on
there is no knowing how 1t will turn
out. He may give his wife $50 for a
pew hat or he may get out OF bed at
midnight and chop her up with the ak
and plead temporary insanity. l told
Sarah that ! would take Mr. Bowser
In hand and try to restore the natural
order Of things, and when he returned
from the store was ready for him.
After he had kissed me again and re-
fterated that l was getting my youth
BACK | said:
Samuel. Sarsh tells me that you are
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-07-11
Cooling.

The Eskimo is cold. is cold.
Up by the frozen pole
His house is worth its weight In gold
Or would be II 'twere here and sold
But he don't know. poor soul
He shivers In his Icy bed;
His spine ID never still.
A furry cap Is on his head.
Worth plunks and piunks. or so tits
said
And yet he has a chilli
Fresh Iceland breezes fan his brow.
Cracked ice 10 free as air. 81
He wears the seifsanse collar now
He wore u decade since. yowl
How blissful TO be therei -
Il. o. Waterhouse In New York Sun.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-07-11
SER'SCOODSPE[L
'Mother-in-law Arrives Unexpect.
edly and Soon Starts Things.
SHEFls SUSPICIOUS OF CALM.

Erecting SO Cordial II Did Not Seem
Natural, and She Feels ~ at Ease.
Old Man Goes Out and Comes Home
With a Whoop.
copyright. 1905. by T. c. McClure,l
/ had not visited my son-in-law and
daughter for three months when the
feeling came to me the other day that
Mr.. Bowser was acting up and that my
presence was required. without CIV
Ing the slightest warning l packed my
trunk and took the train and arrived
at o'clock In the evening.
] expected to find my daughter in
bed with sick headache and Mr.. Bow
ser hammering and saving and pound
Ing and stopping now and then to tell
her that If she would persist in going
barefoot In the back yard she must
not expect him to put himself out for
her headaches.
1 could almost hear him whistle and
Sing, and had vision of him trying
hre escape lron tue WlnuoW anu
testing the burglar alarm.
As drew near the house thought
could hear him shouting to the cook to
boil two eggs for Mrs. Bowser's din
ner and following that with the state
ment that boiled eggs were a sure cure
for any kind of headaches.
As 1 softly opened the front door
had no doubt that / would catch him
drumming on the piano and singing
some song at the top of his voice and
that should have him by the ear the
next moment.
Everything Was Quiet.
was altogether wrong. Mr.. Bowser
and his wife were I'm the sitting room
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-07-11
Just Picked IL Up.

"Yes," said Mrs. Newrich shortly aft.
er her return from trip across the
pond, France Is great country and
the people In Paris are amazingly
clever"
"In what way?" querled Mrs. Homer.
"Why, they all speak French fluent
ly," replied Mrs. Newrich, "and sew
eral of them assured me they had nev-
er taken single lesson In the Ian
guage."-Detroit Tribune.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-07-11
Foiled Again.

"Please, sir" faltered the office boy,
Il would like to get off to attend the
baseball game this afternoon"
mo. you don't" snapped the boss.
"You have no more intention of going
to see the game than l have. You
want to get Off to attend the funeral of
your grandmother. oh, you can't fool
me"-Detroit Tribune.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-07-11
Med II all.

Old Gentleman-Rastus, If you had
half Of that big watermelon would you
be happy?
Little Rastus-No, sab.
Old Gentleman-What more would
you want to complete your happiness?
Little Rastus-De odder half OBJ dat
melon, sah.--Detrolt Tribune.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-07-11
The Real Meaning.

Gaddie-Crittick read your essay, and
he insists that you're beyond your
depth.
DeRiter-Ah, thought he would!
Gaddie-You did? Then you know
what he means.
DeRiter- Yes he means simply that
I'm beyond his depth Philadelphia
Press.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-07-11
Touch Luck.

Tommy-W'at's de matter, Chimmie
Yer look sore.
Chimmie-Sure I'm sore. got up
early yisted'y mornin' an anchored me-
sell alongside o. dat knothole in de
fence at de baseball grounds; den
wen de game begins de overflow
crowd lined up In front O. me knothole.
Catholic Standard and Times.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-07-11
Practical SYmpathY.

A gentleman was one day relating to
Quaker tale of deep distress and
concluded by saying:
Il could not but feel for him."
"Verily, friend" replied the Quaker,
thou didst right In that thou dldst
feel for thy neighbor. but didst thou
feel In the right place? Didst thou feel
In thy pocketT-Democratic Telegram.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-07-11
A Good Reason.

why can't you come and give that
address you promised the club on good
advice to henpecked husbandsY
Because my wife won't let me 90
out OF nights. Baltimore American.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-07-11
A Domestic Diplomat.

How do you manage to get 80 much
Of your way In your family"
"Very simple, assure you. When
my wife and differ l find out before
hand what she wants and then order
her TO do that way. Naturally she does
mine. e."-Baltimore American.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-07-11
up to IN. Minute.

Mrs. style-I want hat. but II must
be In the latest style.
shopman-K Kindly take chair. mad
am, and wait few minutes; the fash
lon IN just changing. Human Life.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-07-11

tramp, sometimes as ragged as a scare
crow, Is not assuring to the women
folks. If the farmer is around the
house he becomes suspicious at once.
II you just walk up to the kitchen and
ask for victuals you will be turned
down five times out Of six. prefer 20
see man about l walk up to him,
with smile and laugh, and say:
"The sheriff has given me such
you like TO give me bite to eat / will
use the OK or hoe for an hour or two. /
guess they have given up the chase
after me-
$50 the sheriff was after you, ehT
he inquiries, with sudden interest.
"'Yes; had me In the county jail,
and broke out
"'And what had you been doingT
Nothing at all. The blunderhead
thought he recognized In me a mur-
derer wanted in Michigan and insisted
on locking me up. 1t beats all how
stupid some officers are. That Michl-
gan murderer Is short, red headed and
that | don't answer the description
THAT farmer doesn't want any work
out OF me. He wants talk. The wife
sets out a good dinner, and then they
keep me talking about murders and
Jail breaking for the next two hours.
or course lie to them, but that's part
Of my business, the same as selling dry
goods and clothing.
Approaching a Victim.
IF dou't work the Jail racket I APP
proach the man with story about a
farmhouse nine or ten miles away be-
Ing robbed the night before and warn
him TO be on the lookout. To further
awaken his interest relate that was
sleeping In the barn that night and
that 1t was my being awakened and
rushing out that sent the robbers off.
He wants to hear all the particulars,
and he knows that will talk better
after feed. Nine times out of ten
am asked to sleep In the barn that
night and stay to breakfast
Now and then my thrilling tale re-
coils on me. Two years ago, while
making a farewell tour of Pennsyl-
vanla, told farmer OF lying secreted
In the bushes and seeing n case of as
sault and highway robbery. | laid II
fourteen miles away, and while | was
sleeping In his barn that night he
sneaked away and gave the story to a
constable. The next morning was ar
rAGtan M "A fu In
and the sheriff began an investigation
| had to own up that | was a liar. but
the officer was man with no humor In
his makeup, and lie held me In jail for
week and then booted me out OF
town.
81 have always made 1t rule to get
hold of newspapers having accounts OF
great robberies or murders. They are
the best kind of introductions to farm
houses. | have the paper In my hand
aud ask them to read the marked ar
ticle. They read and are then ready
to ask q hundred questions.
zone summer Travelled 400 miles In
Connecticut on the strength of clip
ping from a New York newspaper. 1t
was about gang Of Italians abducting
n boy and big reward being offered
for him. In submitting the clipping
affected a mystery and asked the par
ties not TO mention that had been In
the nelghborhood. When they had
read the article asked number of
cautious questions, and the thing was
done. | was taken for an old sleuth
in disguise and given meals and iodg-
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-07-11
Much ths s.,s.

"As near as can figure 1t out" said
tbt mere man, "heayen must be place
w vre II is always summer"
yes" rejoined the sweet young
thing, "and doubtless the proportion OF
men to women there will be about the
same as 1t Is at the summer resorts
Chicago News.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-07-11
A Maan pla.

Miss Passe-I have had many
chances to marry. Only short time
ago man told me of his love. Miss
Pert-Did he also tell you the name of
the lady?--Mesgendorfer Blatter.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-07-11
The Morning Fly.
shad Roe.

Inc Morning Fly.
Little fiy. wherefore my
Feelings will you nettlef w
AS doze on my nose s-s
First OF all you settle
Then you steer TO my ear
For investigation, .
While my eye by and by
ls your destination.
Hands and toes-goodness knows
What you don't alight on. /
On the wing. anything
Does for you TO bite on.
Let me be or youll see
Your headlong persistencs =
Cannot but make mo cut
ON your short existence
Yes. that's right. Take your flight
Ere I'm quite dementsd. Tf,
What You're backf Well. then
whack! EI
Now are You contsntsdf
Ia Touchs Hancock In New York
ASss' = =. 80. = - -. =. - u =
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-07-11

Equality Is an evanescent something
that your superiors ought to observe
and your interiors oughtn't to expect.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-07-11
Everything Was Quiet.

was altoRether wrong. Mr.. Bowser
and his wife were In the sitting room
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-07-11

Grsstins So Cordial Il Did Not Seem
Natural, and She Feels ~ at Ease.
Old Man Coos Out and Comes Homo
| With q Whoop.