davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-12-27

current in the most polite circles. Not ah of 'thefn are thtefestfnE teddy sas they hinge uppn eonditiohs that have pessed away. All of them have cer- kpfn charm of incident or observation. hqWsvsr. and ali of them carry you back to the gpeh old days when Stern
 There foliows saIss1 \ sslecsIsn sssi !. fron, 10, Miiler,s jesta that ie believed to con tain the cream of the book. The Jokes bear scrutiny. Many of them don't yield up -fheIr flavor without nroiohg- ed chewing. So to the meal:
 A. gsntleman was eagink one day at the Tilt Yard Coffee House. when it rafnsd exessqlugiy hard. that t put Tooils, ysif.. said an old campaiefer who stood by. who's. tnhtg have heard of all the Geperais in Europe but him
 "A gehtieman ws, saying something in praise of Mrs. C.. who is, without dispute. good player.. .thoush exceed other said her face siways put W him ii in mind or A}arybppe Park. Being de- sired to .expiain himself he said 1t was vastly rude, and had not one bit of paie about #.
 "A prsEmatical young fellow. sitting at astsbie over against the learned John Scott. asked him what difference there was between Scott and sot?
 Just the breadth of the table. answer ed the other"
 "When ST Rieherd. steele was nt- ting nip his great room in York Buildings for public efatfons hs hap- pened at one time to be pretty much behind -hand with his worixmen and coming one day amang them to sec how they went forNard. ordered one of them to get into the rostrum and make a speech that he might observe how 1t could he heard. The fellow, mounting and scratchtng his pate. told him he knew not what to say, for in truth he was no orator. Oh said the knight, no matter for that; speak here. Sir Blchsrd' says the fellow, we have been woFislnk for you these six weeks and cannot get one penny of our ,money pray sir, when do you de- sign to pay us?9 very well, very well, said Sir Richard. pray come down; have heard enough. T cannot but own Yon speak distinctly, though don't admire your suh1ect.'
 A codntry clsrKynan meeting a neighbor who never went to church, although an old fellow of above SO. gave hiM some reproof on that ac- count. and asked himstf he never read Ia at . home No, replied the clown, I can't read I dare say, and the par son, you don't know who made you Not l. in 4troths said the cpuntryman. AelIttle boy came along at that mo- merlt Who. made you child asked the person. God, sfr.a answered the boy. Why. look you here quoth the honest clergyman, .are you not ashafn- ed to hear ehtfa of 5 or years of aRe tell me who made him, when you that are so old man cannot? An, ! said the ,countrymafl. 1t is no wonder that he should remember; he was l made but tiother day; 1t is great while. master, sin I was made
 sSlr William Covenant. the poet. had no nose and going along the News one day a beggar woman fol- l lowed him, crying, .Ah! God preserve your eyesight,' Way good woman, asked he, do you pray so much for my eyesisht2' sAh, dear sir, answer ed the woman. If it should please God
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-12-27
THE ORIGINALS HAVE BECOME
 CHEsTNUTs
a Grouchy Actor Nanea Ice Miiler WIS uninsrtalfzed by The Bright Fellow vhe Compieted
 And Printed Tke

l.
 The Erandfathers of .the present generation used to have great habit Of sitting over the waInnts and wine Or over the rough 'toble og an inn, be- fore a huge quart of ;aH. and telling old chestnuts jokes
 Whenever a particularly good one would be drawn from the memory. to be asked in the fires of conversation one or another of the old Rentlemen would be sure to say triumphantly; That's a Joe Milierr' and the offender would retire in confusion. covered. with scorn and contumelv. s
 The expression has come down to the present generation. Almost everybody has heard the phrase "Ioe Milley'' ap- piled to an old joke. but very few know who Joe Miller was or what his most peculiar. and exceptional history. The fact of the matter is that Joe Miller was the most prossle man that Tewer lived and. more than that. he was famous in his day for never either seeing or making a joke.
 His name was put upon collection of god jokes bon mois and ancdoafes published just afteS alis death simply as a ioke itself. yet the name of the brilliant and successful man who com piled this book has been almost for gotten. and the victim of his humor has gone into the vocapulary of the raca- s
 Such is the irony of time
 Joe Miller is said 10 have been an English comic actor who of the staga. never cracked a smile. Whether thIs was because of his work or not no one knows. but people were less apt in coneealing their feelings in that day that this
 Hefwas freauenter Of the Black Jack. a well-known London tavern of the timeS were tradesmen were especially wont to gather. These tradesnen were e merry crew. Whenever they would address a joke directly to Joe Miller he would say "What?' or 'sDo tell" and whenever a particuiAry good Joke was told he looked the more bored
 For these reasons he became famous It became the sustom of the time to tack the name Joe Miller to any joke that was especially good. just to add a new flavor to the gest. It gave 6 man the feeling of being a man of the world to say, "ohl that's a Joe AflilsrgR and then laugh like hyens.
 So Josfs fame spread. He was a good subject for fame. being short and dark and saturine and addicted to tobacco One day he died. V 4-.N.f
 Than a certain Mottwell, who was a brilliant dramatist and social darling of the time. got out a sort of q holi- day edition. pass-with -the-season book containg the jokes of the day and he called 1t Zoe Miller's sJests." The book was publish ed in 1739. The jokes were good andfi. beyond that. they were perfect samples of the humor
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-12-27

sa a third town has been built, Whils a fourth and set fifth are h cnnrse of coustEuetion fin the southern disy tricts Of ThessaIy.
 Now these people have been driven from their homes by the vioIsnce of the Huigars They have seen all their property confiscated h violation ofsths have been welcomed with open arnts by their brethren. the 0reeks.s But Greece Is 3 poor Kingdom. and to take insher midst 4Ts000 pennileas refugees has been severe fihancial burden. No less than 150,000 acres of land has been purchased by the Greek govern mept and placed on easy terms at the disposal of the refugees They are ad- wanced money for the purchase of farming implements and cattle, their houses have been built and are to be paid for by annual instalmenR, and for two years pending the construction of these villages the refugees have been supported by the state and by aub- scriptlons. The refugees have cost the while the value of the properties con fiscated by the Buigerian government. or by private Individuals cannot bs much less.
 Here. then, is a clear case of an- other flagrant violation of the treaty of Berlin. If Bulgaria is adjudged lin- .bie to pay an indemnity to Turkey Tor. the annexation of Eastern Rumelia, surely she should be compelled to re- store to the subjects she has expelled In violation of the treaty Of Berlin the value of the land and buildings she has illegally seized.
 jOneope point there appears to besab- soiute unaninlity of opinion among all observers. native and foreign. friendly. and sunffiendly. of the new situation in Turkey. Nothing can set the clock back again.
 Two members Of the new Turkish Parliament. Rohi Effendj ef- Khafida and Sald Effendi. who have been elect. ed for the city of Jerlsalem. sbeieng to two of the oldest families In the Is lamic world, One of these families the Huseini clan. claims descent from Hu- seip, the son of Ali. whose father, Abou TaIib, was the Prophets guar dian and protector The Khalidi clan. which iss the other great rival family in Palestine. is descended from Khallj. the famous Arab general >who sQbdped Damascus and took Jefusalem in the reign of Omar. If good blood, there fore, counts for anytliing in political life. the two M. P.,s for the Holy City have been well chosen. Their families have for ages past been, in the habit of ruling: and this. to0, Is a strong point in their favor. als.s z7.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-12-27

A canal ITO miles long ami costing &i2O,O0O,Oe0, connecting Lyons and suggested to build sie.0o0,000 branch to Marseflies,
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-12-27

Marriage licenses are required in all States and Territories except Alaska, New Jersey, th residents. otherwise rs- quired), New Mexico and South Caro-
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-12-27
P.hnHrnTTloN

rereed |. Hsrtekman C Co.,. to move from DEentRemery te rensaeoia on Jan- unary Isf. Send ycur orders to thep. hy mall for high grades ef Lisuors and Wines zs
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-12-27

Galloway cattle are being raised in Alaska. their hides being considered equal to bearskins for beauty and ser- vice.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-12-27
Tnterestlnrl Itelaa

The area of the Pacific Ocean is about the same as the earth's land sarea--i. e. s5.O00. 900 square miles.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-03-21
MAUNA KEA
EXCURSION

The lnterlsland wharf at the foot
of Nuuanu street last night, was filed
with large crowd to see the departure
of s. S. Mauna Kea with about $50
invited guests for trip to Kauai, and
Niihau.
Berger and his band we're stationed
at the Eva side of the dock and play
ed up to the time the Mauna Kea
left the harbor.
Several policemen under the COM
mand of Captain Parker we're station
ed at the foot of the gangway, and no
one was allowed on board unless they
could show a pass.
Several of the wives of the direc-
tors and stockholders of the company
asked permission to go on board be-
fore the ship sailed but the rule was
ironclad. The only one who got
aboard las a stowaway) was little
Evelyn the charming daughter of r.
W. Breckons, United States District
Attorney. She surprised papa.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-03-21
DPEBBLES
CONTINUED from Page Two).

accommodations. The big vessels will
connect with the Canadian-Pa
Railway sailing from Yokohama to
Vancouver direct.
According to adVices received this
morning the American Hawaiian
steamship Virginian left Kahului for
Kaanapali last night. She should ar
rive in Hilo Monday morning, sailing
for Salina Cruz on Wednesday.
The Kinau, on the last trip which
she will make on the regular run be-
tween this city and Hilo. arrived this
morning shortly after 10 o'clock. She
brought back Governor Frear and his
party from Maui and had large pas
senger list from Hawaii. Purser Phil
lips reports that the bark Albert left
Hilo for Kaanapali with part of load
of sugar on Thursday. She will COM
plete her cargo at the Maui port. The
Annie Johnson reached Hilo Monday
and is discharging her cargo.
The Tnter-Island steamer Maui, with
a full load of Papaaloa sugar and cat
tie from Kawaihae should arrive in
this port early tomorrow morning. The
I Likelike, also bringing sugar, will be
in later in the day She will stop al
Kalaupapa to discharge cattle before
coming here.
The following sugar is reported OF
hand on Hawaii: Olaa, 1890; Waia
kea, 1000; Hawaii Mill. 1900; Wal
nalku, $4,000; Onomea, 1000; Pepee
keo, il 900; Honomu, 1890; Hakalau
ZOO; Laupahoehoe, 5000; Ookala
1000; Kukaiau 1900; Hamakua, 1000
Paauhau, $4,000; Honokaa, $500; Ku
kuihaele, 1900; Punaluu, 1000; Honu
apo, 10000.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-03-21
A Resident of WeIIand
Finds Relief in Pe-ru-na.

Mr.. Ozial Rounds, Welland, Ont, n
retired lumberman and resident of
Welland for half century, writes:
"For fifteen years prior to 1900 was
a sufferer from hay asthma and chronic
diaTrhea. grew weak and emaciated
and was tortured with Insomnia.
al was treated by eminent physicians
but, il anything, was worse than ever.
In fact, was in as miserable a condi-
ton as a man could be.
"However, I CHANGED TO try Peruna
and noticed an improvement. Thus
encouraged, continued, and after TAX
ing several bottles of your precious
Peruna, 1 was entirely wei and won
der to myself and friends.
"If, at my advanced age, SO years
have obtained such good results from
Peruna, after 30 many years of needless
suffering, there can be no doubt of its
efficacy in the treatment of younger
persons"
Ask your druggist for a copy Of our
booklet, THE Ills Of Life" giving ms
tructions covering the most effective
use Of Peruna. Peruna is for sale by
all chemists and druggists. The fol-
lowing wholesale druggists will supply
the retail trade in Honolulu, Hawaii:
Benson, Smith & Co., Honolulu Drug
Co., and Hebron Drug Co.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-03-21
NOTICE TO CREDITORS.

The undersigned having been duly
appointed Administrator of the Estate
of Joao Correia Quintal, deceased, by
the Honorable Alexander Lindsay Jr.,
Second Judge of the Circuit Court Of
the First Circuit, hereby gives notice
to all creditors of said estate to present
their claims duly authenticated and
with proper vouchers, if any exist,
even if the claim is secured by mort
gage upon real estate, to him at his
Office, No. q S. King street, Honolulu
within six months from this date, or
they will be forever barred.
March IL, 1908.
P. e. R. STRAUCH,
Administrator of the Estate of Joac
Correia Quintal, deceased.
4ts-Mar. -, 10, 26, Apr. 2.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-03-21
NOTICE OF SALE OF GENERAL
LEASES OF RICE LAND OF KA-
PAA, kauai. AND CANE LAND
OF HILO, HAWAII.

At twelve o'clock noon, Monday
April 6, 1908, at the front entrance of
the Judiciary building, Honolulu, there
will be sold at public auction, under
the provisions of Part 5, Land Act 1895
(Sections 27S-285 inclusive), Revised
Laws of Hawaii. general leases of the
following described lands:
~ Lot No. /, Kappa, Kauai
Area of rice land, 1913 acres; area of
kula, IL acres; area of waste, 6 IL
acres; total area, 14O.5 acres.
Term of lease. five 60 years from
June 1. 1908.
Upset rental. $2,O91 90 per annum,
payable semi-annually in advance.
(2) Lot No. 2, Kappa, Kapaa-
Area of rice land, 49, acres; area of
kula, 28 acres; area of waste. 53.S
acres; total area. 1903 acres.
Term of lease. five 60 years from
June 1. 1908.
Upset rental, $1,335 90 per annum,
payable semi-annually in advance.
go Lot No. Kappa, Kauai
Area of rice land, 10 acres; area OF
kula, acres; area of waste, 4.28 acres;
total area 1928 acres.
Term of lease. five 60 years from
June 1. 1908,
Upset rental, 1925. 90 per annum,
payable semi-annually in advance.
"a 21O acres, more or less, of the land
of Kaupakuea, Hilo, Hawaii
Term of lease. five (5) years from
June II. 1908.
Upset rental, $4,000 per annum, pay
able semi-annually in advance.
90 1928 acres. more or less, of the
land of Kawainui, Hilo, Hawaii
Term of lease. five (5) years from
July 10, 1908.
Upset rental, $3.50 so per annum, pay
able semi-annually in advance.
The usual reservations regarding
land required by the government To-
settlement or public purposes will b.
. embodied in these leases.
! For plans and full particulars, appl,
, at the Office of the undersigned, Ju
dietary building, Honolulu.
! JAS. w. PRATT,
Commissioner of Public Lands.
/ Honolulu, oahu. March 5, A. d. 1905
! 5ts-Mar. 7, IA, 21, 28, Apr. 4.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-03-21
SHOT BY THOT
KILLS HIMSELF

The Japanese who was shot Thurs
the postoffice at Wahiawa, committed
suicide yesterday afternoon at Waia-
lua. When it was found out that he
had been dangerously wounded he was
at once sent to the Waialua Hospital
and, managing to get hold of pair of
scissors yesterday afternoon, while the
attendant was away, committed hari-
kari, after the most approved fashion.
The scissors which he had obtained
were only a small pair, but, with a
sudden thrust, he tore open his abdo-
men till his entrails were exposed and
died almost Immediately. In all prob
ability he would have been able to sur
Vive the bullet wounds which he re-
ceived at Wahiawa and also the self
inflicted wound in the throat, which
was made with a knife, but the desire
to commit suicide was too strong anC
the last effort was successful
Up to this time the police have beer
unable to find out the name of the
dead man or where he worked In
fact his identity is shrouded in mys-
terry. He does not appear to be known
to the other Japanese who are work.
ing on the pineapple plantations al
Wahiawa, nor was he identified wheT
taken to Waialua. coroner's IN.
quest Will he held Monday evening al
! Waniawa.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-03-21
MAUI TRIP TO
WORK FOR GOOD
GOVEBNOR AND PARTY BACK
FROM TRIP GRASP or LAND
MATTERS

Governor rrcar anl Che other Terri
torill officials who arrived nome from o.
two wg.H8 tour of Maui by One Kiuau
this morning. paid brief visits tl their
respective offices utter lleir arrival
and then went home. i1 ta.e up routine
business le> N0ul3.
Governor Troar BIS looking particular
ly WE'LL the fortnight of ule in the
open seemingly to have benefited him
very much lie stated that Doe is toel-
ing as well as he looks
The past week of the trip mas been
an especially active one, great deaf
of land having been Travelled over on
horse back and otherwise Tor purposes
of examination, besides a large NUM-
Der of more or less formal social af-
fairs being sandwiched in. The big
entertainment took place at Waikiki,
where a very large crowd turned out
to greet the Governor and his party
last Tuesday evening at the armory.
The building had been deliberately de-
corated, an immense amount of eat
ables provided, and a dance that lasteu
well into the following morning wound
up the festivities The governor made
a number of addresses at this place,
including one at the Waikiki high
school, where a very pretty reception
was accorded him by the pupils of the
school.
AT Lahaina, from which port the
party embarked for home about 2.30
o'clock this morning, a large amount
of entertainment and speechmaking
took place. Inc governor visited the
Lahainaluna Seminary twice, attend
ing chapel yesterday morning, and ad-
dressing the students He also visit
ed the site of the proposed park and
recreation grounds at Lahaina, and
last night attended a public meeting
largely attended, at which he made an
other address. Later at the hotel the
party was entertained at an elaborate
luau.
Governor Frear feels that the trip
has been time well spent as it has
given him a grasp of land matters
which he could not otherwise have Sc
| cured, and at the same time has
brought the various heads of the de-
partments, who accompanied him, into
close touch with conditions affecting
their particular Offices The social
features of the trip were largely i'm
promptu in character, as it had been
announced that the party was out for
business and not for entertainment.
So we'll had this been understood by
the party that the members of the
party almost without exception had to
send home for dress clothes after ii
was learned that certain amount of
social entertainment was inevitable.
The Governor will probably leave the
latter part of next month for Wash
ington in response to the President S
invitation to governors of the various
states and territories to a conference,
but on his return he expects to make
a trip to Hawaii and go over the Big
Island in a similar manner to what he
has just done on Maui. This trip
will occupy probably three weeks or
more.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-03-21
ELECTION OF OFFICERS.
McBRYDE SUGAR COMPANY,
LIMITED.

At the Annual Meeting of Stock
holders of the McBryde Sugar Com
pany, Limited, held at the Office of
Messrs. Theo. H: Davies & Co., Ltd,
on Thursday, the 18th March, 1908, at
10 o'clock a. M, the following Officers
and Directors were elected to serve
for the ensuing year, viz:
President. Mr., d. p. r. Isenberg
Vice-President. Mr.. B. f. Dillingham;
Treasurer. ... Mr.. E. II. Wodehouse
Secretary. ..... Mr.. T. Give Davies
Auditor. Mr.. H. w. M. Mist
Directors: ]. M. Lydgate, Mr.
w. D. McBryde, Mr.. r. w. T. Purvis
Mr.. F. M. Swanzy, Mr.. A. S. Wilcox
T. Give DAVIES,
Secretary.
Honolulu, March 1S, 1908.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-03-21


Say the right thing at the right time
and some fool will envy you.
1t must be a great relief to some
men when their wives become widows.
The man with wife and several
grown daughters seldom boards his
money.
How a woman does enjoy seeing a
man fool himself thinking he's fooling
her!
Don't think becs use a man buys a
volume of poetry that he is going to
read it.
If you attend to your work and let
your enemy alone, some one else will
come along some day and do him up
for you.-Atchison Globe.
Absolutely no interest is manifested
as to the prospect of e. H. Harriman's
contributing TO anybody's campaign
fund.-Washingt Star
It is the everlasting strain to make
both ends meet that carries most OF
us to an early grave.-New York Press
xxxxxxxkxxxxKxxxk&KxxxxtCK
be made in electric effect, new at
traction now drawing much attention
in the states.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-03-21
DO YOU "GAWF"?

If you dawdle the sticks you had
better try the links at Haleiwa. They
are good, pleasantly located where
there is always a light breeze and
something pleasant to look at. The
road to this famous resort abounds in
scenery pleasant to the eye and the
novelty of it wins the admiration OF
every tourist who travels over it. We
have excellent accommodations, fine
cuisine and delightful surroundings
Write to Manager Bidgood about
rooms.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-03-21
POLICE WINK AT GAMBLING
SPEIST WITH AN {

SPEIT WITH AN o
That's what they will have to DO on
the night of the production of the
Mascot" in spite of the fact that 1t
will be carried on under their very
noses! Truth to tell it will be of the
lamblike variety and will take place on
the village green. Princes, peasants,
soldiers and courtiers will all partici-
pate.
AS the time approaches it seems to
those who are in position to judge
that the Mascot will be far in advance
of any amateur performance yet pro-
duced locally.
Several of the principles have lately
returned from the coast. Whilst there
they carefully noted the many innova-
tions in vaudeville and have brought
the most telling ones back with them,
all of which will be introduced in the
Mascot"
Such well known amateurs as Mrs
L. r. Crook, Sonny" Cunha, Hugo
Herzer and ]. D. Dougherty will figure
prominently in the cast and the chorus
is made up of many well known to the
stage.
The scenery and costumes will be q
great surprise A special feature will
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-03-21
is
ON GUARD
Wholesale DEALERS DRAW IN
CORPORATION ARTICLES FOR
BENEFIT or THEMsELVEs.

The wholesale liquor dealers OF the
Territory have drawn up and sub
mittsd articles of Incorporation for
lhe approval of the Treasurer TO be
known as the Wholesale Liquor
Dealers Association of Hawaii, lucor-
poratod.' It's incorpurators are nam
ed with official position they are to
hold, as follows: w. Lishman, Pre-
sident, G.. G. Bartlett, Vice President;
r. J. Buchly, Secretary; d. II. Lewis,
Treasurer; II. f. LANCE, A. Writ, G..
c Sayres, J.. G.. Serrao and c. w.
Spitz, together with the first named
officers and directors.
The objects of the association are
for the general benefit of the whole
sale liquor men of the Territory; to
protect the rights and property in
terest of its members; to protect them
from bad debtors; to protect them
from injury from outside dealers; to
devise, recommend and promote
such legislative, municipal and other
measures as to the corporation may
seem wise and expedient;" etc.
Under its charter the Corporation
may hold property to the extent of
$4,000, but has no capital stock Ad-
milton fee for members is $50, with
dues of 50 per month. The usual of
ficers, together with a directorate of
nine members shall manage the bust
ness of the organization.
Thompson &c Clemens appear as at
torneys for the association.