davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24
CHAMPION ABsENT-MINDED MAN

From the Philadelphia Record.
 A very absent-minded professional man, with offices in Chestnut street building, came down town the other day and dis covered that he had left his keys at home. The superintendent of the build ing let the absent-minded man into his office, but he was still as bad off as ever. He could not get into his desk or at his safe. He pondered a little while over his dilemma Then he decided to return home for the keys. "Why not send a messenger boy after the keys?" was thought that struck him, but that was immediately put out of the question by another thought to the effect that the boy would not be able to get in the house in case the absent-minded mans wife had left home. That's right, must go myself" decided the troubled man, and home he went, arriving at the very door of his house before it dawned upon him that he. without his keys, was as bad off as a messenger boy. And the poor mans wife had gone out all right. "Oh, hang it anyway" said the absent-minded man. q ought to have telephoned for her to wait for me. Why didn't I do that? We'll, I will go right back to the office and phone" And he did. He phoned and phoned for some time before he could understand why his wife did not answer. Then he gave up work for the day.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24
Coming of Illinois Central.

"The coming of the Illinois Central railroad means much for Birmingham and the Birmingham district,'' said J. M Flowers of that system. AS is well known, the Illinois Central is a great de- veloper wherever 1t runs and has the reputation of not doing anything by halves. An inspection of their terminals in this city will substantiate that fact Their terminals here equal those of any of the other railways entering this city if they do not in some instances sur- rass them, notwithstanding the fact the the Illinois Central was the last road to arrange for entrance to Birmingham. The Illinois Central gives the people of Bir- rningham a new outlet to the north and northwest, which will be greatly appre- ciated by the travelling public, as well as the shipper. Prompt and reliable service is to be their motto here as it is at other places along this far-reaching system"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24
Far Reaching Decision

The United States supreme court rem dered two decisions yesterday that affect railroad rate legislation and in each case the decision was against state and on the side of the railroad ] involved in the contention. One of tho cases had gone to the supreme court from Minnesota and the other from North Carolina. Both cases were based on habeas corpus proceedings.
 The supreme court refused to grant to the attorney general of Minnesota writ releasing him from the penalty in .,osed by the United States cir cult court in that state on the charge of contempt in instituting a proceed ing in state court for the enforce ment of the railroad rate law after the federal court had prohibited such course. The supreme court also af- firmed the decision of United States Judge Pritchard in North Carolina, discharging from imprisonment a ticket agent of the Southern Railway at Asheville, after he had been sen fenced by the police court of that town to serve a term on the rock pile" on the charge of selling a ticket on that road for a price higher than was permitted by the railroad law re- gently enacted by the legislature of North Carolina.
 While ''the enormous penalties" which were provided in the rate laws "by way of fines against the com panies" formed the ground for the su- preme courts action relating to Min nesota broad question of constitution al law entered into the decision. States may fix rates, but the supreme court holds in effect that the rates must not be so low as to be confiscatory If enforced. The North Carolina case
 
 brought out especially the confscatory idea. The drift of the decisions of yesterday will naturally hearten the railroad companies for cases origi- hating in Alabama and other states l are similar, in most respects at least, to the cases already decided.
 The officials directing the policy of the Southern Railway have acted with such admirable spirit in accepting ten tatively the rates made by the states 1 that they have won the sympathy of l the public as never before. Every body has applauded the Southern for it's wisdom and it's patriotism.
 Governor Conner does not think the l Minnesota case and the Alabama sit uation are similar, because in the former there was a $5000 penalty while in Alabama the maximum pen alty is only $2000. He points out, moreover, the comparatively liberal rates the railroads are allowed to charge. Nevertheless the decision in the Alabama cases of the Louisville and Nashville and Central of Geor- gia will be watched with keen interest.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24
A QUALIFIED NEGRO VOTER.

From the Washington Herald.
 Senator John H. Bankhead of Alabama, who succeeded John Tyler Morgan upon the latters death last summer, bears a close resemblance to the busts of William Shakespeare, except that his face lacks the mustache and whiskers that adorn the classic features of the Bard of Avon.
 However, the new Alabama Senator frankly admits that he has no poetical talent albeit, he is known throughout the Southland as a keen and resourceful law yer. Incidentally, he enjoys good story and knows how to tell one.
 A few years ago the state of Alabama adopted new constitution, which was, in plain English, designed to restrict" If not eliminate. the colored vote. One of the requisites of the new constitution IS ability on the part of the applicant for registration as voter to read and inter- pret any part of that document to the satisfaction of the registration officials.
 MT. Bankhead was in Alabama right after the adoption of the new constitu- ton, and relates an incident that came under his observation. He sauntered up to registration booth and found the off cials wrestling with colored man of more than usual intelligence. One of the officials came over to where MT. Bank head was standing, evidently perturbed.
 ''This is very smart negro" he whis- pered 'He has answered, correctly. every question we can think of. Can't you suggest something?"
 Ask him to explain a writ of cer- tiorari," said MT. Bankhead, with a grim smile.
 This was done. The negro scratched his head for a moment.
 "'Dced, boss" he said. 'I reckon you'se done got me. don't know what dat is, 'cept it is something to keep a nigger from votin!"
 ensued and it was finally decided that the applicant was qualified to register as a voter.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24
HOW JAY GOULD TRAINS.
Says He Is Not Dieting for Court Ten
 his Championship Match.

From the New York Herald
 Jay Gould, the young court tennis champion, has ideas of his own in regard to training which he is putting into prac- tice for his coming match with Eustace Miles of England. Principal of these is that he does not restrict his diet while his older British opponent is a vegeta- rian. When young Gould was asked if he did not believe that a vegetable diet was beneficial he replied
 Ut may be a good thing but I never diet for my matches. am busy with my studies at Columbia, and I need heartier food to keep up my college work and prepare for the coming match as well.
 "I practice three times a week, which is often enough for one who plays the hard game of court tennis. I do not use the Columbia gymnasium because the air there is not of the best. I am doing all my preliminary work at Lakewood-about two hours at each session.
 'I do not run in connection with my preliminary work becausekI believe that the game itself develops the wind suffi- ciently to endure a hard match, and run ming reduces the weight I do not go to bed early necessarily, as my college work keeps me up quite often. I eat anything that I desire, but do not smoke. believe in lots of fresh air, and so spend as much of my time exercising out of doors as pos sible. fine form of exercise to develop the strength and endurance is horseback riding, of which I do great deal.
 There is one thing which I believe very detrimental to anyone training for a particular branch of sport, and that is required gymnasium work The exercises use the wrong muscles and get one stiff and all out of condition, perceptibiy slowing up a man for fast work. I know that it Is impossible to get collegian de- gree without the required gymnasium work, and I shall have to make up the work later, but will not spoil my chance for the court tennis championship by tak- ing the required gymnasium course at present
 'I am in good condition now and expect to increase my work so as to be in fine fettle by the time my contest with MT. Miles comes" f
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24
School Vacation.

"The schools close for the summer earlier not only in the south but through out the country than they did some years ago., said a well known alumnus.
 June was formerly the college com mencement month, but now all schools and colleges close in May.
 "One reason for the longer summer holiday is because of the June heat-in the north as well as in the south. A hot spell makes it almost impossible for pu- pills to study. And yet a vacation last ing three months and half is too long. It may be shortened three weeks at least by closing a week later in the summer and opening the first of Sep tember, instead of the middle or latter part of that month";
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24
TWAIN OF MILLION SONGS"

hall at 444 Broadway, New York, he be- gan travelling about the country, appear ing in all of the prominent cities and making himself famous as minstrel performer. His career as a manager be- gan at the old volks Garden, POI Bowery, in 1865. Fourteen years later he removed to 5S5 Broadway, and then, in 1881, to his present location.
 The show business has undergone many changes since Tony embarked upon his career. He has seen variety go through it's evolutions into vaudeville, advanced and otherwise, but none of these things has disturbed him, and he has pursued the even tenor of his way. He has seen salaries soar from the time when $50 was considered high price to pay for an act that now commands $500, and many stars were seen as satellites in his train
 Tn names of few of the present-day luminaries who drew salaries from Tony Pastor in the old days are Nat Goodwin, Lillian Russell, May Irwin, Francis Will son, Denman Thompson, "Old Hoss" Hoey. Charles Evans, William J. Scan- lon and Gus Williams.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24
NEW SAFETY DEVICE.
Invention Places Torpedos on Track
 of Firing Train.

From the New York Tribune.
 A signal device that automatically places torpedoes in the path of trains was exhibited at New Durham, N. J., Satur- day, by the inventor, Robert J. Forge, a member of the Chicago board of trade, to a party of reporters. The safety de- vice has been installed on "block No. 3 Of the West Shore ranroad, just west of the entrance to the Weehawken tun- rel.
 The device looks like big iron hogs read sunk in .-ie ground. Inside is a wheel with twenty spokes. On each of the spokes is tin-cased torpedo attached tc an arm, anu the duty of the compli- cared cogs and levers beneath the simple locking wheel is to thrust out these tor redoes upon the track so that the drivers of an engine may cause them to ex- plode
 MT. Zorge's system places in each ''blocl' of a railroad three circuits, "ap- rrcach," Hooking" and danger" The length of a block is determined by the nature of the traffic, and at the Weenaw- kee tunnel 1t is mie A train passing the approach circuit acts, through it's Iron wheel and axles, as a conductor which carries the electric current from the point where it is received across to another wire, through which 1t runs to the arma- ture beside the torpedo machine. When the train passes beyond the point mile distant, it similarly readjusts the current, leaving the entrance to that block clear.
 The point of the dev-ce is that if while the train is running through the block another train should come along so close behind as to pass the approach circuit this contact would de-energize the current Then the mechanism of the signal would be set wroking and one of the spokes would be thrust out to the track surface and hold torpedo there to be exploded The concussion would put the engineer or his guard if be had not noticed the semaphore signal
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24
More Activity In Business

All business centers report that mer- chants are replenishing stocks up to the business actually in sight It is not claimed that the volume of busi- ness is equal to that of year ago, but it is plain that it is better. than was anticipated three months ago. The outlook in other words is hopeful.
 The reports of the American railway association show that the number of idle cars on March 4, 1908, was 315,- 900, as compared with 344,000 on Feb ruary 5. A decrease in idle cars amounting to 10000 in number is pretty plain evidence that general trade is on the upgrade. Mills, too, are opening up, and it is estimated that the number of idle workers has been reduced 30 per cent. The hope is expressed that there will be no soft coal strike on April l, and that the recovery from the panic will go on un- checked
 Ali, of course. are considering the probable crop yields, but these cannot be measured before September next Thus far the winter wheat fields are promising. and every indication from any of the great crops of the country will be received with interest, for the crops will determine the extent and volume of the fall trade.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24
BILL TAucHED.
By W. E. Evans.

By w. D. Evans.
 (On account of an unfortunate typo graphical error in the verse below which appeared in The Age e-Herald Of yesterday the lines are reproduced this morning)
 There once was a seaman named
 Taughed Who bunked with us fellows abaughed,
 He swore like a sailor.
 And jol1ed like whaler Till each son O gun of us laughed, And wriggled and roared as if laughed This same jolly sailor Bill Taughed, Rig up for to captain the craughed,
 But the crew cried, "Oho,''
 Such joke cannot go, Too much of our grog have you quaghed Down here with us sailormen aughed." We set him adrlft on raughed, And far by the winds was he waughed: And 1t still puzzles me,
 As look at the sea, What came of the sailorman Taughed. The jolly big fellow Bill Taughed.
 Birmingham, March, 100"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24
UNDERWoOD's SPEECH.

From the Marion Standard.
 Congressman Underwood is now in his district and will visit Perry within the next few days. He usually visits his con- stituents twice year, but has been very busy with his official duties since the as- semblng of Congress this session. MT. Underwood recently delivered a speech In Congress on the Cause of and Cure for the Panic of 1907," which has been highly compiimented. In fact, it has been classed one of the ablest speeches deliv- cred in Congress during the session.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24

this city cars bearing the broad name of the Wells-Fargo company, but the Wells-Fargo people do no busi- ness here. There may be, in other words, an express" understanding or agreement and the coming of the Illinois Central may not bring the American into territory belonging to the Adams Express company, or rather the Southern, which is but another name in the south for the Adams com pany.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24
A GOOD SORT.

A GOOD SORT. All honor to the lowly chap, No matter where he plods. Who simply does his level best And asks the world no odds. He meets his duty face to face And labors in the ranks Without the sparkle of applause, Without a word of thanks. Hard luck cannot destroy his faith In better days to be, And fiatterers can't turn the head Of such a man as he. Sustained by hope, he goes his way Prepared for any fate; Devoted, brave and true-a type Iris well to emulate.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24
AROUND THE COUNTRY

St. Louis Times: Far be it from MT. Roosevelt to accept voteless job in the Senate.
 Baltimore News: La Toilette says it Was rich mans panic. Well. we all got scared.
 Memphis Commercial Appeal: Better not put that winter underwear in the led cedar box.
 Washington Star: The dollar dinner sometimes proves as unsatisfactory politi- cally as it is gastronomieally.
 Jackson News: Can't one of the Maxims invent something to make you invisible when the collectors come around?
 Youngstown Telegram: Show us one who never has attempted poerty writ ing and we'll show you one who never has been in love.
 Washington Post. Some women will admit that they married a man to reform him, but mighty few will acknowledge that they made Il mess of the job. Houston Post: A Chinese gardener ill California has developed an odorless on- ion, but we suppose it will be impossible to interest the barbers in the matter.
 Florida Times Union: Wanted-A few schooner loads of peachy-cheeked maids to become the brides of the men behini the steam blows. Address Governmental Bureau Canal Zone Panama, Oregon Journal: A magazine in cover design character1zes President Diaz as the greatest man on the continent" It may be expected that this publication will be cut out of the White House list henceforth.
 New York Herald: Other side of Jor- dan must have lost some of it's terrors
 when shades of the departed continue t. Irevaricate. Heirs trying to break wo- lnans will say she accused some spirits e lying. Also told her husbands spirit u shut up." Must have made hubby feel at home. Spokane Spolxesnan-R Review: Pittsburg has given birth to so many scandals that | many persons have almost come to believe that no good thing can come out of that city. Yet the first international conven-
 ton of the young peoples missionary movement, representing 100000 people, has just been held in PittsDurg.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24
THE BOSS CoMPLAINER.

THE BOSS COMPLAINER. He growled about the weather, If cold 1t was or warm, No matter what might happen, Twas sure to do him harm. He swore he was unlucky
 As any man could be And vowed there wasn't living A chap worse off than he. He didn't like his neighbors, He didn't like his town And when he had caller
 He met him with a frown. He thought the country rotten And everybody bad, And when wight succeeded It always made him mad. He growled to greet the morning, He growled the whole day through, Till people fell to thinking He'd nothing else to do. His mood was so unhappy,
 His words so full of woe, He left a trail of sorrow
 Most everywhere he'd go. Now Is 1t any wonder
 That when he had to leave His neighbors when he told them Were not inclined to grieve? He hoped that they would murmur Expressions of regret. He's been away decade They haven't done it yet!
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24
,om the Boston Herald.

From the Boston Herald.
 Artist William M. Chase tells a really new one of Jimmy Whistler. It was at a dinner party, after all the guests had been seated when Chase gently drew Whistler's attention to the fact that he had forgotten his tie. "Forgotten?" shrieked Whistler, Nothing of the kind. Why should I spoil the effect of a good linen collar with excellent lines by stick ing on foolish little piece of fimsy lawn? And the dinner proceeded
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24
Kansas City Bank To Reopen.

Kansas City, Mo-, March 23.-The Ma tional Bank of Commerce, which failed curing the recent financial disturbance with liabilities of thirty-nine millions. vii! reopen for business on Monday next witE w. B. Ridgely, comptroller of the cur rency, as president; George T. Cutts, for merly of New York and St. Louis, vice president; Edward Ridgely, New York, cashier
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24
Kinu May Not Lose His Arm.

Lisbon, March 23.-The statement pub- hshed in El Mundo of Madrid that the wound inflicted upon King Manuel of Por- tugal, at the time his father. King Carlos and the crown prince were assassinated. had not healed and that an amputation would be necessary, has been officially declared to be untrue.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR

From the New York Press.
 Some girls couldn't make it with leap years all the time. When a red-headed girl has a temper it. sign the color of her hair is real.
 A woman would feel awful ashamed to have burglar see her clothes all filtered around the room.
 A man has great self-control not to give his seat in street car to & pretty girl when his wife is with him.
 The reason woman wants lots of clothes is they'll go out of style before she wears them out, so she can get more.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24

The republican newspapers are en- deavoring to create an impression that Governor Johnson of Minnesota Is an announced candidate for President He is not.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24

Governor Fock has shot one of his enemies, but there are several more of them and it would perhaps have been more prudent to have pleaded guilty and gone to prison.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24

Secretary Wilson's duties include an enforcement of the pure food law, and he proposes to stop the sale of cold storage eggs as fresh"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24

The success of the Hudson river tunnels is based on the fact that ten minutes is saved in crossing the river Ten minutes is good deal of time to the commuter.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES

last night which was attended by 200 peo- pie. Among the commodities represented by the brilliant assemblage were pickles. beer soap, lard, baking powder starch, crackers. paint, lead. copper and steel.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24
THE GOTHAM IDEA.

THE GOTHAM IDEA.
 What are you going to do when pro- hibition hits New York?''
 "Oh, we'll all move over to Paris"
 REPLIES.
 Had any love letters from Spring? The lily crop is safe and the June bride crop is growing nicely.
 "Will our summer be dull?' asks contemporary. Ours won't. We are for Bryan.
 sIs marriage a failure?" has just been asked again. internationally yes.
 Some of the spring hats are millinery giggles" says Dorothy Dix. You mean, guffaws, Dorothy.
 Hughes opinion of his halo is being discussed He probably regards it as a fit. - "Be a bubble" says the Jacksonville Times-Union. Not we. Bubbles always hurst PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24

Anna Gould has come home and she should give American heiresses a few chapters of her experience as a countess In a foreign land.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24

isingly. Let us hope the crop will es- cape killing, either on the trees or in the minds of owners.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24

Roger c. Sullivan of Chicago no longer opposes MT. Bryan, and Illinois will send a solid delegation in the lat ter's favor to Denver.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24

The modern Jap no longer dreams of battlef1elds, but of fields of trade that he can exploit as conner cial traveller.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24

If MT. Hepburn's bill goes through and speculation is stopped, we will have to jog along without any more billionaires.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24
About Persons.

J. D. Dimmick of Montgomery is at the New Morris.
 Ed Galley of Montgomery is at the New Morris.
 w. R. Cheres of Holns is at the New Morris.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24

American girls are not ordinarily won by farthest north expeditions. Eighty-six degrees and 36 minutes of fers no attractions.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24

Senator Stephenson, aged 79, has taken up the odious habit of smoking cigars. He bids fair, however, to live to old age.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24

John D. Rockefeller may as well begin to sign that check for $29,20O,- 900. The supreme court practically said it must be done.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24

The last survivors of 'the immortal 500" at Balaklava continue to die re- gardless of the poets enumeration.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24

The motion to adjourn will be well comed by congressman who have fences to repair.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-24

The mottoless coin will soon be absorbed by the coin collectors.