The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1908-08-16

milan resort on Peanut street. Bohe-
mians surrounded me, young and old
ones. They were drinking beer.
GAS the waiter hurried to and fro,
noticed that every little while he
would pause before a slate and serawl
something on it. I walked over to the
slate and saw a great multitude of
queer phrases such as:
ODD shoes DC
- Black underwear ...........1 5c
Fringed pants ..............25 c
~ sOne black and one red sock. Zoe
81 couldn t resist asking the waiter
what all that meant.
Well, sir, said he, Il don t know
the names of most of these gents, so
when I give 'em tick, ] have to take
note of some popularity of their get
up, sir. -
Oscar Hammerstein, on his return
from Europe, said to a Pittsburg cor.
respondent:
"Opera as it is produced abroad
would be laughed at in New York.
Save at Covent Garden and in Paris,
the productions abroad are atroeious.
witnessing them, American managers
run the risk of getting what is called
a swelled head. LIsten:
GA manager was present at one of
his German tenors rehearsals in Chi
cage. The tenor said of certain aria:
q FThat is little too high for me, [
am afraid.
% 'Transpose it a tone, then, said
the manager.
g "A half tone would suit me bet
ter the tenor objected.
g 1--WE do nothing by halves here in
America, said the manager.
Bernard Robbins. head of the legal
department of New York IS court of
tears-this charity helps the poor to
adjust their marital troubles without
going to the expense of lawsuits-said
the other day;
''Such work as mine makes you, if
you are not careful, pessimistie about
marriage, so that you find yourself tell
ing grimly, over and over again, the
story about St. Peter and the widower.
"What, you don It know the story?
aWell, it seems that two souls APP
preached st. Peter side by side, and
the younger was repulsed sternly by
the saint on the ground that. since he
had never been married, he had never
known suffering.
"The older man advanced with glad
confidence. He stated that he had been
married twice.
'EBut him, too, the saint repulsed,
:. This is no place for fools. y
'It is around the Fourth OF july"
said Mark Twain at recent dinner,
m. ~ %HnI,s
Christmas stories done.
81 dropped into a magazine office
the other day The editor, in the midst
of our chat, said: Excuse me a mo-
ment. Then he turned to an assistant.
&c Milton he said, 'have you got
the Christmas stories started?'
% 'Oh. yes, sir; I've seen to that,
said Milton.
And the authors are pushing right
on steadily, ehg'
% Yes, indeed, said Milton. sThey-
re examining in enthusiasm and local
color in gobs and hunks. They've hir.
ed a room in an icehouse, you know,
and I send the Office boy twice a day
to jingle set of sleigh-bells under
their window. -
Julius Liebman. president of the
United States Brewers Association,
said during the recent Milwaukee con-
vention, aprOpos of a contemplated law;
81 am not in favor of these expert
mental laws. l am only in favor of
saloon regulation. There lies the solu-
ton of the drink evil. But if we put
ourselves under this law, we will find
its tender mercies cruel enough, / think.
- Yes. we will be taken aback and
disappointed-like an old farmer L
heard about the other day.
'1He was sitting in the garden, under
a pear tree, enjoying his after-dinner
pipe and the weekly paper and his lit
tie granddaughter played about among
the flowers.
" Here. dram pa. she said, 800
drink is nice milk.
He didn t want it, of course; but
rather than hurt the little child, he
gulped it down.
She took back the empty cup and
toddled away. He heard her murmur-
ing, as she went:
old
s'Prettv soon she toddled back with
another cup of the buttermilk, and the
good-hearted old man, putting down his
paper and pipe. tossed off the warm
mixture with feigned smile of joy.
. Sc kind to dram pa cause he s
old, she repeated, and in a little while
she brought another cup of milk
The grandfather drank four or FIVE
of these offerings. and then, for fun,
he followed the little girl TO see where
she was getting all that milk.
Her way led straight to the hog
pen. and, as she filed her cup at the
hog trough, the Mortified farmer heard
her say piously:
- Sc kind to dram pa cause he's
old. >"