The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-07
when Teddy Plays Politics, It's Game Of Solitaire
SAYS THE HOTEL CLERK.
BY IRWIN S. COBB.


ella monsters, which abound freely in
the vicinity. The ella monster ought /
to make a fine pet, Larry. being far
more intelligent than the singing liz /
Zard and so much more sociable than |
the black banded ground RATHER that /
he often crawlS into bed with a person /
who's asleep and nestles up, not to say |
cuddles."
well, all I can say is don't |
blame him for kickin', if that's the |
way it WuZ," commented the House
Detective. ANY time l ketched one of
them things pervading my boudoir one
of us would be leavin' purity soon"
That's the way Colonel Stewart
felt" said the Hotel Clerk, land the
president said if it'd ease the cOlOneI's
feelings any, he'd transfer him down
TO Florida. The Florida location was
right in the heart of a lovely swamp,
having clustering population of mi
crobes big enough TO eat off the hand,
and coming readily when called FontO,
Rab, Tower, or by any other suitable
names. But in Arizona he didn't have
any water at all, and down in FlOrida
he didn't have anything else, and still
he wasn't satisfied So now, l don't
know what's they'll do with him, UNI
less they get an army mule to kick
him to death"
''WOt had this here Colonel Stewart
been doin' to get hisself SO unpopu-
lar?" asked the House Detective.
THE way the president explains it,
he must be a perfectly impossible per
son." said the Hotel Clerk. Colonel
Stewart quarrels with civilians and he
calls people names, and he talks all
the time.
so il looks like professional jealousy
to me, Larry. You know Teddy never
could stand opposition.
The president had other things n
his mind, too. There was that con-
ference of the governors of all the
states the other day. Anyway. that's
what they called it-a conference.-the
1t seemed to me it sounded more like
a mOnOlOgue. Although the president
advised them about nearly everything,
many of the governors went away dis
appointed. You see, they'd come to
| Washington full OF speeches, and there
they sat with all that language bot
tied up in their systems perfectly 81
| lent except for the low, soothing
sounds where it was 'scaping from
their ears"
why didn't some of 'em get up and
! say sOmethin'?" asked the House De
/ tectiVe.
"They didn't want to interrupt" said
| the Hotel Clerk. The only one that
! seemed TO break in was James ]. Hill
guess maybe Hill has a loud voice
and no manners, and that's the way he
got his chance to be heard. He talked
about our resources, Larry.
| after reading what he said about
/ the waste of the forests. ! feel that l
| win never be able to look a plank in
/ the face again. And I've cut out buy
/ ing wooden tOOthpicks. Hereafter the
| quill kind for mine. From what Hill
! says. were liable to run out of stand
! ing timber before we run out of gan
| der feathers. He spoke of the failing
| coal supply. too. With tears in his
! eyes, he said that in less than eleven
| thousand years our coal would be ex-
/ hausted. So it looks almost as gloomy
/ for the coal business as it does for the
| manufacture of ten pins and hickory
/ hoe handles. In those days Tiffany
| will be selling anthracite by the carat
and pine laths will be accepted as legal
! currency. in amounts TO ten lathS
| Yet in the face of the danger Mr.. Hill
/ says he sees men using as many as
/ four matches lighting one cigar. and
/ mothers wearing out poplar shingles
/ to spank their children with, when cor
/ rugated roofing would do just as well.
| So far as he knows, there's nobody
/ trying to husband our coal supply and
save it up. But he's wrong there, Lar
/ ~. I know of one conscientious guy
who was trying all last winter TO save
t it, and he did"
who wuz that?" asked the House
| Detective
/ The janitOr Of the fat house where
/ I live" said the Hotel Clerk. Il think
maybe I'll send his name to Mr. Hill"
! Dye think the convention will be
purity iively?" asked the House De
| tective.
/ We'll, I don't know" said the Hotel
| Clerk. Most of the young presden-
! tial boOms of the early spring have be-
| come reasonably quiet. If the Joe Can
non. boom was properly embalmed, it
/ Will probably not attract any undue
/ attention unless the weather should
/ turn unseasOnably warm at Chicago.
/ The Philander Knox boom has done as
| well as any boom could be expected TO
| do that had a first name like Philan-
J der, but I look for il TO go down for
/ the last time with a low, gurgling cry
| when the roll call gets as far as Penn
! sylvania Nothing remains visible of
! the Hughes boom at this time except
a fringe of whiskers protruding from
| beneath the cone that was used in adj
/ ministering the ether. The Fairbanks
/ boom was last seen alive in the Vicini-
/ ty Of Laporte, Ind, and the parties en-
| gagged in digging UP the coy farmyard
| of the late Mrs. Guinness have been
| asked to keep a sharp lookout. But
| Teddy is taking no active part. Bear
| that in mind"
when Teddy plays politics, it's Il
| great game" said the House Detect
! i've.
Yes" said the Hotel Clerk. "a game
| of solitaire"
USE YOUR KODAK TODAY