davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09
TEETH MADE OF PAPER.

From HarperS weekly.
 One of the oldest uses to which paper has been put is that which has resulted in the manufacture, in Germany, of arti- ficial teeth. These paper teeth are manu- factured from the same variety of pulp which enters so largely into the compost Paper teeth arc said to afford satisfaction. rot only retaining their color well, but being less liable to chip than ordinary false teeth.
 Another odd use to which paper is put nowadays is in the manufacture of barrels This idea originated in Greece, where the wine-growers, being badly off for wood with which to construct their casks, on account of the excessive cost of it's importation, hit upon the expedient of using paper in the making of their bar fels.
 Out of the sheets of an Austrian daily paper an ingenious engineer, not long ago. constructed for his own use a small yacht, 20 feet long, decked all over and pro- vided with centerboard. In the con- struction of the hull, deck, masts, sails, and rudder, several thousand copies of the journal were used Each plank em- ployed required no fewer than 2500 leaves, and enormous pressure was necessary to procure the necessary solidity for the material. The vessel Is said to have he- haved admirably in all tests, even those made during bad weather
 In several countries the experiment is
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09
PERFECT WOMAN plssEcTED.

From the Philadelphia Inquirer.
 Although King solomon gave his ideas as to the perfect woman Ca term
 nistranslated 'virtuous." so far as the modern sense of the term Is concerned) and gave them with great particulari- ty. it must be admitted that his views are somewhat out of date. All that he said was true enough, but things are somewhat different now, and 1T that ancient Sultan was now living he would desire to amend his opinions in accoro- ance with known phenomena. solomon was an expert. having had larger axnerience with women than any other man on record, and 1t Is assumed that he drew his views from hls persohai knowledge and abstract ph1losoph1cal considerations as well. Some cheap cvnics think he wrote about the kind of woman he had never met.
 But new Solomon has como to Judgment in Chicago and he deals with the subject in a more concise manner. He Is what Professor James would call A pragmatic psychologist. Taking up woman in the abstract as calculated to be a good helpmeet for man, the learned clergyman ayers that any par ticular specimen should consist of the following ingredients Ability to cook well, 75 per cent; physical beauty, 70 per cent dress, per cent.
 If these figures be reversed 1t will about represent what women think Of the qualifications for matrimony. And they are not wholly wrong in one sense. If is a curious fact that when a man falls in love he is not thinking of the practical affairs of matrimony some years or even some months after the honeymoon. He loves beauty and clothes in women and his only thoughts of food are concerned with his ability to command the price att restaurants. The awakening comes too late. Not that he has not been warned Plenty of old stagers of both sexes are quite willing to shower advice upon him, but the lover is immune to this sort of thing.
 If such a reform is to come it will be through men and not through wom- en- It is woman's nature--and wise provision of nature 1t is-that she seeks to attract the opposite sex by every means possible-else the world
 would soon, come to an end for want of population. But when men change their ideals to those of a more prac- tical sort women will follow and exhibit the qualities which are desired. Every man, as a rule, gets about the Kind of wife he deserves. and vice versa, which Is one reason why divorces ought to be curtailed.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09
From the New York Times.

From the New York Times.
 THE sale at trivial prices of some
 (CD of the stage costumes and
 adornments of Edwin Booth seems a pathetic and long deferred cpl logue to the tragedan's somewhat mourn ful life. It is not likely that the in- trinsic value of the things sold was great Some faces and jeweled orna- ments may have brought less than they were worth But old theatrical trap pings are not worth much. It seems pity to sell them, in such circumstances. but 1t would not have been so easy to give them away, and there would have been a. smaller chance of distributing them among persons who would prize them. The general public was not att tracted to the sale at all In this hour the general public scarcely knows the name of Booth.
 The pathos of the sale Is not inharmo- nious with our memories of Booth. In spite of his enormous popular triumphs and the great pecuniary rewards of his career he bears in theatrical history the aspect of woe. The sudden death of his first wife, the shame cast upon his name by the assassin of Lincoln, the unfor- tunate character of his second marriage, the failure of his effort to establish splendid playhouse, all seemed to rest upon him heavily and excited. to the
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09
REFLECTIONS OF UNCLE EzRl

From Judge.
 The trouble with an automobile is that when it gets to be six months old 1t is nine years behind the style.
 Hank Tumms says his wife's coffee is so bad that there are plenty of grounds for divorce.
 Hod Peters has a new fall suit Will liam Tibbitts has started 1t agin him for a grocery bill.
 Out here in the tall grass the smoke nui- sance is mostly confined to the old women. has smoked and Fletcherized the weed all the days of her life.
 Elmer Spink haint had an offer of mar riage this year. The trouble with leap year is that most of the gals look before they leap.
 William Tibbitts, our popular and con genial groceryman, has got new stock of thermometers. but aint sellin' many of them. Any feller that has to go and rubber at a thermometer to find out whether he is hot or cold must be a plumb fool.
 Uncle Eben Harkins got a photograph of his brother out west the other day. but throwed it away. thinkin' somebody had sent him a comic valentine
 Hank Purdy says the difference between clock and a woman Is that a clock will run itself down if 1t gets a chance, and a woman will run somebody else down.
 City folks don't have to can fruit like us country folks do. bekuz. they can find plenty of preserved peaches in the cho- ruses of the musical comical shows.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09
President .ROOseVelts Closing MeSssee

Fully one-half of the message laid before Congress yesterday Is a re- statement of MT. Roosevelt's moral, social and political ideas. All the plans he has developed in the course of his long administration concerning cor porations, labor, millionaires. the courts and the like are reproduced ana made record that he no doubt is very proud of. He still advocates a graded inheritance tax, but be fails to renew his one-time advocacy of an income tax. But this is not the only omission of the message, for while he congratu- lates himself on a surplus of funds in the seven years and three months of his service in the presidency, he for gets to mention the deficit of the pres. ent fiscal year. He undoubtedly ex- poets the President-elect to take care of the deficit assisted perhaps by the tariff raisers.
 The Presidents discussion of the great moral issues of his administra- ton presents nothing new. He wants national supervision of all corporations engaged in interstate business, and he argues the matter with his accustomed force. MT. Taft repeatedly declared that he stood for the Rooseveltian poll cies, and the message sent to Congress yesterday may therefore be considered
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09
'Possum suppers are now in ord
SLAVES TO CONVENTION.

From the Chicago Tribune
 Night brooded over the village of Ske- dunk.
 It was as dark as Egypt; as dark, in fact, as darkest Africa
 Or an. obscure passage in Browning.
 There was no moon Not a star twinkled Not a planet shed it's steady, serene radiance upon the landsoape-if there can be a landscape where there is no land in sight.
 But we digress.
 Even as night brooded over the village. mark you something was matching.
 It was a plot.
 When the night freight train rumbled through the slumbering village four men who had been riding n an otherwise empty box car dropped out of it.
 Stealthily they made their way to the small building in which. was located the bank of Sl1edunk.
 To effect a noiseless entrance into the building was an easy task, for they were expert burglars. Of the kind sometimes spoken of, in a hushed whisper, as yeggmen. Once inside they approached the vault and proceeded to open it in the calm, workmanlike, methodical manner you have seen portrayed by reformed cracks men upon the stage.
 The process is so familiar to everybody that it is unnecessary to describe it.
 There was the usual explosion but so muffled that it failed to awaken anybody in the sleeping village.
 But the result was disappointing
 Instead of the $S7,OOO they expected to find in the vault there was only $269S. .76. They had been deceived by a false ru- mor
 Cursing their luck, they gathered up the plunder, put 1t in the four sacks they had brought with them, and quietly departed.
 Making their way to the little railway station they pred open the handcar house.
 Here an utterly unforeseen circumstance confronted them. There was no handcarl It had to be sent to the shops, 20 miles away, for repairs. Men," exclaimed the leader in low, tense tones, shall we do so unconven- tional thing as to rob country bank and fail to make our getaway on hand car? Neverl Back to the bank with the | swag!
 | Half an hour later four dejected but ! proud yeggmen, carrying four empty sacks, stole noiselessly out of the village on foot They had wasted a night, but they had maintained inyiolate the tradi- | tions of their craft.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09
ENGLISH AS SHE IS UTTERED.

From Lippincott's.
 What is the cabbage?' inquired the departing patron, who wished to go to the railway station from the hotel.
 What's the what?'' exclaimed the clerk, losing his clutch on the perfect English he usually handed over the coun- ter.
 "'Whats the cabbage? I said"
 q know you did but did not quite get your meaning"
 "Oh, you don'tl You know what cab bage is, don't your"
 "I guess I've seen enough of 1t to know. I used to live in the suburbs of Chi cago."
 Well, what is 1t from here to the de- pot?'
 q suppose it is just what it is every where else; that is, a vegetable which, The departing patron interrupted with violence.
 "Aw, say!" he protested you ought to be plowed under, or fertilized, or some thing Cabbage is cab fare, ain't itY'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09
THE LOGICAL PLACE.
Youths Companion,

From the Youths Companion.
 It was closing time at the town library. Old MT. Duke, who had filled the post of librarian for years, took down his coat and hat, and, with the assistance of his little daughter, got them safely on. To- gether they 'started for the door. It was raining hard.
 ''Wait moment, child," said her father, and he went back into the building The girl remained obediently.
 Five minutes passed. Then, ten. She pushed open the door and walked in. Her father was bent over one of the card cat alogues.
 What are you looking for father?' she inquired.
 He put the drawer back, suddenly abashed.
 "I'm getting old, Margaret" he said "I couldn't find my umbrella, and I was look ing for 1t under 'U' in the list''
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09
MAKING SURE.

From Stray Stories.
 Little Tommy had great appetite for buns, and at tea time could stow away an amazing number of them.
 One evening his grandfather, after inter- estedly watching the performance for some time, asked him:
 Have you ever in your life, Tommy. had all the buns you could eat?"
 ''Yes, grandpa" said the juvenie with his mouth full. Lots and lots of times I've felt I had enough.''
 And how" went on the knowledge, seeker, ''do you tell when you have had enough?'
 ''Oh. that's easy.' said Tommy, serene ly. q just keep on eating till I get a pain. and then I eat one more to make sure.'
 Then grandpa sighed heavily for the days of his youth, when he, too, had been able. to perform such feats.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09

being made with view to the utilization of paper for paving the roads and streets. In this case also blocks compressed to great solidity are desirable. and are claimed to withstand the wear and tear Of tranic. The cost, however, of this scheme is al present too great to permit of anything like a wide adoption of it. For driveways to private houses and sim liar purposes where expense need not be of primary consideration, paper pave ments it is claimed, will come into vogue at lno distant day.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09
The Iron Market,

'"rhe pig iron market is strong and is in a most healthy condition" said an iron maker There has been some talk of advancing prices but our concern is still quoting SIS for No. 2 and l would be glad to see it stand at that figure for some time yet. I believe it will pay bet ter in the end to keep the price of iron from soaring.
 There was large buying in November and considering the approach of the hol- idays considerable tonnage is being booked now. I look for a very active buying moveme>< in S>>-uary."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09
BEST PLAYS BY NEWSPAPER MEN

From the CIeVeIand Ieader.
 The newspaper man is going to be the salvation of the American stage, just as he has been that of England and France. The best plays of today-the big current successes and those that lapped over from their past years runs-are the work of newspaper boys who are still news paper boys despite their new sur roundings. Gus Thomas and Gene Wal ters and Paul Armstrong andr George Ade don't see life a bit differently now from what they saw it in the days when they were reporters, and thanked their stars when they got assignments that put them behind the scenes and revealed the real workings of the human intellect and the human heart.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
From the New York Press.

From the New York Press.
 If a girls eyes cross she can think they dc it In a very coquettish way
 The way man can keep on being crazy over a girl is for her to keep on being crazy over some other fellow.
 The honeymoon is mostly over when the couple quit buying their meals in hotels and the bride tries to provide them at home.
 The reason a woman wants to get clothes in the very newest fashion is SO as to go and call in them on all her friends who haven't got them yet.
 No matter how clever a man knows his wife is 1t makes him groan to have her ask him to explain why a company he has stock in is not trying to cheat him when it calls it's surplus a liability.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09
Rapid Growth.

R. E. Hotze of Richmond, representing a large publishing house of the Virginia capital, is at the Florence.
 T spent a day in Birmingham about two and a half years ago." said MT. Hotze and thought this was a good looking city then, but what impresses me now is the strides it has made since my former visit.
 'I have been particularly struck with the large number of handsome buildings in the business district and of the big building operations now under way. Bir- mingham is indeed wonderful city and it's rapid growth is attracting wide at- tention.'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09
STARTED BLAZE.
Suns Rays Focusing on Bowl of Gold
 Fish.

Special Dispatch to the Cincinnati En-
 quirer.
 Findlay, O.-The rays of the sun for cusing on a bowl of gold fish sitting in e south window of the home of Mrs. J. c. Holt, near Sycamore, nearly caused fire yesterday. The bowl had been cov- CT ed with piece of cloth, and while the family were at dinner some member mo- ticed the water in the bowl bubbling. Investigating, the cloth covering was found to be on fire. It was replaced and an hour later the second one burned. The family investigated and discovered the cause. The fish were nearly scalded.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09
About Persons.

Henry Evans of New York president of the Continental Fire Insurance com pany, and also president of the Alabama Marble company of Birmingham, is in the city.
 William Halls of New York, vice presi- dent of the Birmingham Realty company, is in the city.
 Birmingham yesterday to attend the funeral of Dr. w. c. Denson. MT. Me Williams lived in Birmingham for 20 years and while here greeted many old friends.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09
THE HAUNTED PALACE.

By Edgar Allan Poe. In the greenest of our valleys By good angels tenanted, Once fair and stately palace Radiant palace-reared It's head. In the monarch Thoughts dominion. 1t stood therei Never seraph spread a pinion Over fabric half soy fair. Banners yellow, glorious. golden, On its roofs did float and flow (This, all this, was in the olden Time, long ago), And every gentle air that dallied In that sweet day. Along the ramparts plumed and pallid A winged ordor went away. Wanderers in that happy valley Through two luminous windows saw Spirits moving musically
 To a lutes dell-tuned law Round about throne where sitting (PorphyrogeneD Ir state his glory well befitting The ruler of the realm was seen. And all with pearl and ruby glowing Was the fair palace door, Through which came flowing. flowing,
 flowing,
  A troop of Echoes, whose sweet duty Was but to sing In voices of surpassing beauty The wit ana wisdom of their king. But evil things, In robes of sorrow, Assailed the monarch's high estate; (Ah, let us mourn!-for never morrow Shall dawn upon him desolateD And round about his home the glory That bushed and bloomed Is but a dim-remembered story Of the old time entombed. And travellers now, within that valley Through the red-ltten windows see Vast forms that move fantastically To a discordant melody; While, like gbastly rapid river, Through the pale door hideous throng rush out forever And laugh-but smile no moro.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09
PLAY TIME.

Once upon time'-sweet childhood hours When fairyland was very close to home And through the bloomy maze of moth CTS flowers A prince and princess fair were wont to roam An, little lad and little lass how quickly Lifes early rose is turned to somber huel We never dreamed that tears could fall so thickly, That after days could hold so much of rue.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09
Mr. Crawford III,

George G. Crawford, president of the Tennessee Coal Iron and Railroad com pany, is i'll at St. vincents hospital He had intended leaving for New York Mon day but was too indisposed to travel. Yesterday afternoon he was removed from his quarters at Capt. Jack W. John sons to the hospital. He has symptoms of typhoid and at midnight his fever WAS high.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09
LOOKING BACK.

LOOklNG BACK. At the end of the road, At the close of day, When pilgrims meet, Grown old and gray, We'll learn that life For the great and small Is a fleeting breath Ere the shadows fall. And we'll wonder why We grieved so long When hopes were dashed And plans went wrong, And why we sighed Ger futile things Der wealth and the pride That glory brings; And why we wept
 For a little while Ger what later on Would evoke a smile, And why we whined, As children do. And feared to drink From the cup of rue. We'll wonder why
 Our hearts were broke In twain, as we thought, By a feeble stroke And the toil-time cares That we hardly bore Will seem light affairs When we reach four-scorel
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09
PROHIBITION KNOXVILLE.

From the Nashville American.
 The police of the prohibition town of Knoxville made 270 arrests during the month of November, an averag ge of nine a day.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09

The presidential term in Hayti is seven years, but no one has yet been able to serve full term. Nord Alexis got six years of service and made a record
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09

If Nord Alexis had wrapped French flag around his trunk he would today have money to meet his travelling ex- penses. He had $30O00 in it.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09

Some railroad attorneys in Pennsyl- vania have decided that Pullman din- ing cars are never in a dry" county when they are moving.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09
| QUESTION ANsWEREp.

My little boy, why do you smoke cig- arettes?" asked the elderly female.
 Me good woman, why do you ask such foolish questions? I smoke 'em to quiet me nerves"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09
QUITE A COMPLIMENT.

"why is Chucklebits, the press humor- ist, so chesty this morning?"
 "A friend of his who doesn't read much ask him if he originated all his jokes D
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09

The inaugural parade of March 1 next is to be led by plain business man who will not be loaded down with gold braid enough to fill a box car
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09

Garden seeds may also be put on the civil service list and then the grip of the politicians on the popular heart would be irretrievably lost.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09

The progressive republicans are get ting ready to revise Joe Cannon him. self.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09

John W. Gates circus is to be of course a two-million-dollar affair. He takes no ventures below the million line.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09

Towns that have neither taxicabs nor suffragettes are old-fashioned.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09

There is no apathy in the presi- dential campaign in Hayti.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09

The Kaiser keeps mum, but he doesn't enjoy it.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09

The football season is ended, but the colleges remain open. They are attending to incidental matters only.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09

The proposed increase of duty on funeral goods is really running the tariff question into the ground.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09

Winter is endeavoring to establish it's authority even in Alabama.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09

4 LIBERAL VIEW.
 Do you believe in long tenure of of- fee, Senator?"
 Well, greed is not one of my besetting sins" answered Senator Huff When man has accumulated enough of this worlds goods in politics to live comfort ably for the remainder of his life, I think he ought to retire and give some other fellow chance at the velvet"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09
A BAD CASE

Troubled much with insomnia?" "I can read Henry James after mid- night"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09

Champ Clark will not be elected speaker of the next House, but he will be one of it's chief takers.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09

A billion-dollar Congress and high tariff wall have brought us face to face with a $112,000,O00 deficit.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09

The amateur cabinet makers are working double shift nowadays.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09
A MERRY STUNT.

Pa. what is meant by cutting wide swath?"
 Running an automobile through a gilded cafe at o'clock in the morning."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09
AFRAID TO co HOME

AFRAID TO GO HOME Are you also stranger in town?" asked the recent arrival.
 NO; I merely feel like one" said the well known citizen. My wife is giv-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09

Carrie Nation is across the sea en- gagged in filling the English rumsellers with overwrought nerves.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09
cOMMERCIALIzING HUMoR.

OMMEf1CIALILING HUMOR. 'Humorists will never get their just de- serts.''
 Exactly"
 Until the leading lights organize a joke trust and place a prohibitive tariff on the foreign output"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09
,ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
AnRFRALI VIEW.

ing a little dinner at the house to a party of suffragettes."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09

Bob Evans declines to let the people of Frisco load him up with a gift-house elephant.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09

Emperor Pu Vi is still signing his decrees by proxy. He is, however, learning to write.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-12-09

When Nord Alexis left his trunk be- hind he left all his belongings and filthy lucre.