Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1908-03-17
Ia Meteorological Paradox



Ioriginail
! once knew a quartet composed Of
the funniest people you ever saw in
your life. They weren't four men or
four women nor two men and two wo-
men. but three men and a woman.
Each Of the three men was funnier
than the other two, and the woman
was funner than the three men to-
gether. You should have seen her.
One eye was turned up at an angle Of
twenty-five degrees, the other down at
an angle of thirty. Shecould look serious
and sympathetic out of the one eye
and Historically diabollcal out of the
other. She had ravenish croak and q
sweet melody in her voice, so that no
one could tell whether she meant to be
pleasant or disagreeable. Sometimes
she would say pleasant things to you
looking at you with her sympathetic
eye and sometimes say diabolical things
looking at you with her sympathetic
eye. SO nobody ever knew what she
was driving at.
The first of the three men was Mr..
Bantam, husband of the above describ-
ed lady. Everybody said the name
was very appropriate, for Mr. Bantam's
face wore the perpetual grin of ban
tam rooster. Next came Mr.. Guyer, a
theoretical mathematical prodigy. Like
Sir Isaac Newton, who made a large
and a small hole in his door for his
big and little cat to come through,
Guyer didn't stoop to consider petty
contrivances. He once had an alarm
clock which failed to wake him up in
the morning. Somebody finally called
his attention to the fact that it hadn't
any bell The third man was Mr.. Mer-
ryweather, a real noble, good man."
as one of his women friends express
ed it, Indeed, he was so good and no
BILE that he couldn't conceive Of any
one being wicked. And thereby hangs
this tale.
One Sunday morning Merryweather
and Guyer went to see Mr.. and Mrs.
Bantam, who were at church. The two
men sat on the veranda waiting till
the services should be over and the
couple, recharged, like an electric auto
mobile with goodness, should return.
The weather was betwixt and be-
tween, sand when Merryweather said
it was warm Guyer, who was great
disputant, declared it was cold. Pres
emily Mr.. and Mrs. Bantam returned,
Mrs. Bantam welcoming Guyer with
her sympathetic eye and Merryweath-
er with her diabolic eye, then passing
into the house. The dispute about the
weather was referred to Bantam, who
concluded to refer it to the thermome-
ter, which he brought from the house.
He showed it to Merryweather, who
was surprised to see a record of 80 de-
grees. He was much pleased to be vim
dicated, but hadn't expected so trium-
plant a vindication.
Then Mrs. Bantam came out and, re-
garding her husband and Guyer with
her sympathetic eye and the good Mr.
Merryweather with her diabolic eye,
made some modest remarks on the
weather herself, in which she main
tanned that it was growing colder.
After having established her point, at
least with Bantam and Guyer-Mrs.
Bantam always established her point;
people were afraid that If they dis
agreed with her she would bring her
diabolic eye on them-she went back
into the house with the thermometer.
Presently Bantam went inside to get
the thermometer again, and when he
brought it out it had fallen 20 degrees.
Merryweather couldn't understand how
so decided change should have oc-
Cured in so short a time without his
feeling it. Guyer suggested that there
was something the matter with him.
was frightened. He
thought he had better go home.
Mrs. Bantam came out again, bring
ing the thermometer with her and sug-
costing that something must be the
matter with it. 1t had gone up again.
This treasured Merryweather, who was
If too sweet a disposition to speak his
thoughts, which were that Mrs. Ban
am had probably read the scale first
" ANh hNA AONClf Win uCI upDCI
,ye. But as there were 45 degrees be-
.ween the two eyes this didn't explain
he smaller difference. However, he
lecided to wait awhile before eonclud-
ng that he had chills and fever. The
might have been averted
lad not Bantam handed round a slim
liant, A few minutes after Merry
weather had drained his glass Mrs.
Bantam came out with the thermome-
er again standing at 60 degrees. Then
Merryweather was sure he had the
fever of pneumonia. A sympathetic
,urve appeared on the left hand corner
If Mrs. Bantam's mouth as she re-
marked that it came on that way.
Merryweather was helped into the
house and placed on lounge. Occa-
'ionally he would resume a normal
bodily temperature, but whenever he
lid so one of his three friends would