davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1908-02-07
CHINAMAN CAN BE SARCASTIC.
Many Of Their Sayings In Common
Use Have Real Wit.

Once in a while you meet a COM
mon Chinaman who has some Of the
wit of Mr.. WI One such has a laun-
dry in Lexington avenue, not far from
Twenty-third street. The other day l
heard him yell at a recalcitrant GUS
toner: "You no pay? Then you paper
tiger!" I asked what he meant by a
paper tiger" and he replied: "Oh, in
China a paper tiger is blackguard who
blows much but is harmless" He add
ed: when a man is very proud Of
himself, what Americans call stuck
up we compare to a rat falling into
a scale and weighing itself. When a
Chinaman overdoes a thing we say he
is q ~hunchback making a bow. The
rich son who quickly spends his ia.
theirs money we call a rocket which
goes of at once. We say of you rich
Americans who send money to heath
ems by missionaries and neglect theil
family at home: They hang theil
lantern on a pole, which is Q Q from
afar, but gives no light b~slow.'"-New
York Press.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1908-02-07
SOMETHING HE NEEDN'T KNOW.
Purchase Not Likely to Have Inter.
ested Him, Anyway.

A condition when it is a temptation
to patronize the exchange desk Of the
store is brought about by the receipt
of a gift that is a duplicate of some
thing already possessed. One girl
was made miserable by receiving a
most beautiful inlaid desk simply be-
cause she had two desks already.
After giving the subject deliberate
thought she decided to lay the matter
before the young man who sent her
the desk. She felt he would not be
so unreasonable as to be offended.
And he wasn't. Get it exchanged
for whatever you want" he said. "Of
course, l want to see you pleased"
So she sailed forth.
1t was difficult to find anything that
Just fitted the price. The first thing
selected was a dainty effect in cameo;
then came a belt buckle; then a pail
of gloves.
After making these purchases with
the exchange check there was still 6
goodly sum over. The girl could moi
make up her mind what she wanted
Then she thought very deeply, smiled
to herself once or twice and completed
her shopping tour OF the desk pro
ceeds.
What she bought was flmy ant
lacy.
And she never includes it in the lis
she gives the young man of his 'varj
Gus" gifts to her.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1908-02-07
Driving a Good Bargain.

The BARRIERS small son was In the
habit Of playing around his fathers
shop, and he was always keenly in
terested in the patrons. Many a
stray penny found its way into the
little chubby hand. and sticks of gum
were dropped in quite as though by
accident. Judge Williams drifted into
the shop the other afternoon for a
hair cut. The lad recognized the fact
that the Judge was a new patron, and
SO was more than ordinarily inter.
ested In him. He hung at the foot
of the chair and looked musingly at
the judges bald head. Then he
walked slowly to the back of the
chair and surveyed the scanty fringe
Of hair from that point of vantage
He could contain himself no longer
and burst out incredulously: Father
do-you-get a quarter for cutting
b at?"-Lippincott's.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1908-02-07

The Tribune was never proude r
OF the fact that 1t IL q straight Re-
publican paper than it was after
we read President Roosevelt's
message to Congress this week.
1t lie one of the best, If mos the
best he has written. Some of
those who depreciate 1t call it q
sermon. Others, who are not 80
charitable, call IL q Grant" that
he wrote In angry haste, and that
it is Enthusiastically i%mpulsive.
And there are still others who say
tit will hurt Taft, and that 1t is a
plea for a third term, Fall of which
is tommyrot. The truth is that,
regardless of who it hurts, the
President has taken a Arm and
sincere stand for purity in politics
and high ideals. We do not be-
lieve for one moment that Roose-
Welt will ever allow his name to go
before the convention for q third
term, although he is the most be-
loved statesman in the country.
He does not need the honor, the
salary or the influence of a third
term and to run again would
jepordize them all, and then we
have his word. Read his message
and we believe you will agree with
us that il is a great document from
a great President-one that is an
ornament TO the age in which he
lives and will be an inspiration to
coming generation.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1908-02-07
Deadly insult.

A New York youngster was caught
literally wiping up the street with
another boy with whom he was sup
posed to be on especially friendly
terms. The detector of his pugilistic
encounter was his mother, who, after
she had yanked him into the house,
proceeded to deliver a lecture on the
sin of fighting. The boy listened for
q while in silence.
That's all right" he broke out at
last in uncomfortable indignation. cts
all right for you to talk. but II you
just knew what he said about you
The pause was significant. The
mother took alarm.
About me?" she said. why, what
on earth did he say about me?"
"He said" blubbered the small boy
in impotent wrath. that you-wear-
petticoats."
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1908-02-07

WHILE there seems to be con-.
siderable Fairbanks sentiment in
this congressional district, 10 Is
probable that the convention to be
held at st. Charles February 18th
will instruct tho delegation TO the
National convention for Secretary
VIM. b. Taft. Tho TRIBUNE
hopes, however, that all will re-
member in their zeal for their re-
spectivs favorites, that the success
Of the party is of more consequence
bhaa the instructing of delegates.
or the nomination of any one man.
All of the leading candidates. are
splendid representative American
citizens and great statesmen, any
Of them would make an excellent
chief executive. A vigorous sup
port Of your fayorite candidate IL
proper and landable. Fight man
fully for your choice, but do it
without msiacs, and in all good
humor. Ii the other fellows choice
wins by virtue az having more
votes thar ypa choice, MIKE 1t
unanim ousG lAaf .f9row up your
hat" for the wtpDer. RememC II,
always that the ucces Of the
party comes first.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1908-02-07
Simple Home Remedy.

Often it is in%convenient to get a doc
tor for a cut OF abrasion where there
might be danger of blood poisoning. In
such case try this simple home rem
edy: After the wound is thoroughly
washed with some antiseptic solution
and the poison removed the cut will
often heal nicely II cloths wet in sweet
oil are kept OF the place until the flesh
has perfectly healed. One young
woman, who this last summer tore her
hand badly on a barbed-wire fence,
used nothing else on 1t but these
sweet-oil cloths, kept renewed when
ever they grew dry, and has not even
. scar to show for her injury.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1908-02-07
Skating or swimmina.

Some one once asked Tim" Sulli-
van of New York for information as
to the prospects of a politician who
was popularity supposed to be ION the
ragged edge"
WELL" said Sullivan, The seems to
think he's getting on all right; but
there are other who entertain a diff
ferent opinion. The situation re
minds nj of the story of the old WON,
an up in Maine. Being asked as to the
whereabouts of her husband, she re
piled:
eff the ice is as thick as Jim thinks
1t is, he is skating; If it is as thicl
as l think it is, he is swimming
Sunday Magazine.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1908-02-07
WHERE MR.. sPooNER LOST OUT,
Next Time, Maybe, He viii Be More
Chary of Compliments.

do you really mean 1t, Mr.. Spooner,
when you say I am the best girl in
the world?" asked Miss Flypp, after
the young man had suggested that
she should become Mrs. Spooner.
Indeed, I do, Miss F1ypp." assever
ated the young a 81 say 1t again
you are the best girl in the world"
And the loveliest, I think. you
said?"
1.-The foveliest, without doubt"
~ think you said something about
my accomplishments, too?"
Il did. I said they ~excelled' those
Of any other girl"
II believe you called me sweet?"
GA sweeter m ne'er' '~aw
BREATH" quoted the ardent lover.
You used the word perfect too,
did you not"
II did. l also pronounce you the
pink Of perfection, propriety and
modesty, the empress Of my heart,
the peerless one among the beauteous
creatures of your sex, a maiden ador'
able, enchanting and worthy Of the
Adhu VI IhC UCoI Iudh Oh co ooy
the word that will make me the happi
est man, my own Dora!"
Before l give you an answer, Mr.
Spooner, l should like to- ask. you one
question"
"A dozen II you like"
"One will be enough. Don't you
think you have a good deal of assur
ance to expect a woman with all tho3'
excellent qualities to marry you?"
Then Mr.. Spooner went home.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1908-02-07

GOVERNOR Deneen, of Illinois,
has finally forced the legislature
Of that state to give the people a
primary election law such as they
want. Ono of the results Is the
combining of the field against Mr..
Deneen In his battle for re-nomin-
ation. But Deneen, and the peo-
pie have the habit of winning pc.
litical battles, and will beat the
field, headed probably by ex- Gov
Ystes-he of slush fund fame
out Of their boots. Dsnsen ID 6
"going scamp" keep your eye OF
him.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1908-02-07
GETTING His Own Back,

An i%ronworker. having had the
decided to get wen with him.
Waiting, therefore, until his enemy
had retired to rest one night, he ap-
preached his street door, and knocked
loudly in order to wake him. Open
ing the bedroom window, the other
hurriedly inquired what the noise was
all about.
Why" replied the outside one, lone
Of your windows is wide open."
(Which one?"
"Why, the one you have your heat
through chuckled the other, as hi
went away satisfied with the success.
of his plot.-Illustrated Bits.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1908-02-07

YOUR Uncie Joe Cannon, that
sturdy old pioneer, will have a
solid delegation from Illinois in
the National Convention, and q
whole lot OF strength throughout
the country that the statistics do
not tell about. He may not be
absolutely "frst in the hearts OF
the people, but he occupies q
warm spot in their affections, to
say the least. If Secretary TAFT
Is not nominated on the first ballot
Uncle Joe will probably move up
among the field rapidly.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1908-02-07

SUFFERING AND DOLLARS SAVED
E. S. Lopez, of Marilla, N. Y,
says: 81 am a carpenter and have
had many severe cuts healed by
Bucklin's Arnica Salve. 1t has
saved me suffering and dollars. II
is by far the best healing salve ]
have ever found" Heals burns,
sores, ulcers, fever sores, eczems
and piles. 25c at Crump & Kid
wells, druggists.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1908-02-07

"FIRE ALARM" Joey Foraker Of
Ohio seems to have "burnt his
fingers" recently. He is also sui
fering with a very sore head.
Indications now are that Taft will
have the solid Ohio delegation.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1908-02-07
EYER WATCHfUL
A LITTLE CARE WILL SAVE MANY
MONTGOMERY CITY READERS
FUTURETROUBLE

Watch the kidney seoretions.
See that they have the amber
hue OF health;
The discharge not excessive or
infrequent;
Contain no "briok-dust like.
sediment,
Doan's Kidney Pills will do THE
for you.
They watch the kidneys and
cure them when they are sick.
j. @. Armstrong, farmer, living
on Rural Free Delivery No. 5,
Mexico, NO., says, "Both my back
and kidneys were giving me pain
and causing me embarrassment.
l have had a bad back for some-
time and not always equally lame
and sensitive, but last March l
was unusually bad. My kidneys
were inactive and ! was unable TO
rest at night. 1 had headaches,
stiffness in the neck and shoulders
and every effort to move was a
pang to me Reading of Doan's
Kidney Pills / got them and they
filled the bill. / Am over the whole
trouble now and there is no more
annoyance from the kidneys or
back"
Plenty more proof like this from
Montgomery City people. Gall al
Crump & Kidwell's drug store and
ask what customers report.
For sale by all dealers. Price
so cents. Foster-Milburn Co.,
Buffalo, New York, sole agents
for the United States.
Remember the name = Doan's
and take no other.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1908-02-07

"UNEASY rests the head that
wears a GROWN" was made appa-
rent in Portugal last week when
King Carlos and CrownPrince Luiz
were shot to death in the streets
of their capital city.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1908-02-07

EVERY voter should post up OF
n new primary law. All wiz
have to vote under it's provisions
At the August primary election
"a copy OF the primary law can be
had by applying to the Secretary
of state.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1908-02-07

THE Republican precinct eau
cuses will be held Saturday. Al
tend your precinct meeting and
have d hand in the work of your
party.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1908-02-07

GOVERNOR Hughes....seems to be
growing in popular favor as the
days 60 by. Perhaps Taft and
Hughes would look good to the
voters.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1908-02-07

SECRETARY Taft is far in the
lead of all candidates for the Re-
publican Presidential nomination
He will be the. 4gus. st OF honor st
the Republican, banquet to be held
at Kansas EU February 10, 1908.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1908-02-07

My coal oil is not half water
National Light is the best, 70,
sale by w. o. SAILOR.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1908-02-07

The TRIBUNE is prepared to turn
out high-grade job printing of all
kinds promptly.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1908-02-07
Our SUbscripfiOn Rates.

The subscription price of tho
Montgomery TRIBUNE is one dol
lar a year, in ADVANCE. We also
club the Tribune with the st. Louis
Globe Democrat twice a-week)
for S1.75 a year for both papers.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1908-02-07

THE Republican County Con-
vention will be held in this city
next Monday.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1908-02-07
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY Z, 1903
TEE COURTS.

CIRCUIT COURT.
Montgomery City first Monday In May and
SECOND Monday in November. Danville. 4th
Monday in April and first Monday In Nov.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1908-02-07
K A for rs cents

Farm Progress, the big farm and
agricultural monthly monthly Of st.
Louis, Mo-, announces that the sub
scription price will be advanced to rs
cents per year beginning January 1,
1908. Until that date subscriptions
Will be accepted at the old rate Of
three years for rs cents. Farm Pro-
gress is n OF the best farm papers In
the country andis we'll worth the ad-
vance asked. Send in Is cents at once
to pay for II three year subscription.
II you are already paid up In Advance
send in rs cents aai have your time
extended three y .fs longer A beaut-
iful fruit pictmle si2e 2sx2q inches,
will be sent for 2 cents additional to
cover cost Of tub una postage. Add
ress all orders u Farm Progress, st.
Louis, Mo. l1-l5-tf
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1908-02-07

When you tell your doctor about the bad
taste in your mouth, loss OF appetite Tor
breakfast, and frequent headaches, ana
when he sees your coated tongue, ne VIII
say, "You are bilious" Ayers Fills
work well in such cases.
---adaas ~ theJ. Q. Aver Co.. Lowell. xsss.---
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1908-02-07

Montgomery City. First Monday IN March
June. Sept smber and December. Danville,
nyst Monday in February, May, August and
November.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1908-02-07

Montgomery City, third Monday in Japu
airy, April. July and October Danvtlle,. frr
Monday In March. June, September and ia
eember.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1908-02-07
West Bound.

No. 2 will stop at Wellsvile to discharge
passengers from Kansas Oity and to receive
passengers forrSt Louis.
No. 4 will stop on signal Mt New Fiorepca
for st. Louis passengers.
The morning journal-courier., 1908-10-09
DEBs TO STUDENTS.
Socialist Talks Regarding Influence of
 Life at University.

Asked last night to give his opinion as to the influence of politics on the Yale students, MT. Debs replied as fol- lows
 "The world is ruled by ideas. Col leges and universities propagate and disseminate ideas. The college men of American therefore have an extra ordinary opportunity to take part in the solution of the great problem pre- scented by labor--a problem that after waiting centuries for adjustment Is about to be solved But the college men of America will utterly fail to live up to their great opportunities if they do not bring to their task correct ideas on economics and governmental subjects. Wrong ideas can rule for a while, but they cannot rule always. And no college education is really worth while that does not teach men to do right.
 This American colleges do not do. It is not right that in land of plenty poor should be those whose labor makes plenty Thoughtful men have in the last seventy-fve years invented and perfected machinery with which can be produced more than can be consumed. You students know that this ample product is not now satls- flying the needs of any one. You can see in any street evidences of misery, faces that show the constant fear of want and the harasslng cares of try ing to keep more than he can use. So we have those two things, abundance for all and misery for the want of the very things that can be produced so readily. This is the problem to be solved. You can take a useful part in the solution of the problems before Us Justice working through the socialist party needs you. This party proposes to organize the
The morning journal-courier., 1908-10-09
ATTACKED SISTER-IN-LAW
Mary Reynolds Pummeled for Desert
 ing Husband.

That the wrath of sister-inlaw is a mighty thing was the experience which proceeded te arrest of Mary Reynolds by Patrolman Foley last night. Mary Reynolds, 1t seems, left her husband and family about week ago and was in oblivion so far as they were concerned ever since until last night. The husband had been on the search for her and failed. Then Bes
 sic Burns, sister of the husband In the case, took hand at the search and In company with her deserted brother she set out last night to find Mary. She did. When she discovered her in Commerce street, near Congress ave- nue, she went at her hammer and tongs and pummeled her in the best of style. Mary did some return work, but was not so effective as her wrath ful sister n-law Patrolman Foley got wind of the disturbance and he arrived in time to see some of the fiercest of the fight and he placed both women under arrest. The husband had in his possession revolver which he threatened to use upon his wife, 1t Is said, if she did not return with him, and he was taken to police head
The morning journal-courier., 1908-10-09

working classes and take possession of government here and in every other nation. It proposes to operate all in- dustry for the benefit of all and not for profit. We offer you greater op-' portunities than you will find when you graduate and go out to look for a job.
 Commercial life, the profession of law, medicine, engineering, especially journalism and all other lines of effort are tainted by the profit system.
 You will go out into life with high ideals. but they cannot be realized through activity In trade, industry or the professions as operated or con- ducted to-day. There are exceptions but they only prove the rule. l have said that this system satisfies no one. The socalled successful men are not happy They see about them misery and complete happiness Is not possi- be when there is one hungry shild in the world Most of you will be- come members of the working class, using your fine minds for wages You may think you are economically diff ferent from the bricklayer, trainman and others, but you will not be differ ent We want you to go to the H. brary and study socialism, If you do you will be one of us and certainly be of conspicuous use to your fellow men"
 The personnel of the Red Special Is as follows;
 Eugene V. Debs. locomotive flre- man and socialist candidate for presi- | dent.
 Theodore Debs. brother of candi. date and his secretary. A. H. Floaten, Denver, fin charge of literature car. late a store keeper in Telluride, Colo. but deported because l he gave credit to striking miners to keep their families from being hun 1 gry.
 w. w. Buchanan, Texas, veteran of the civil war and early abolitlonlst agitator who passes the hat at every meeting.
 Harry c. Parker, Philadelphia, union cigarmaker and manager of the train.
 Charles Lapworth London, repre- senting British and continental news papers He managed Victor Gray sons campaign when that 25year old college student was elected the first out-and-out socialist to the house of commons a year or SO ago.
 Otto McFeely, Chicago, press rep resentative.
 John Clark, Philadelphia, socialist soap boxer
 Prof Christian Sorensen. Denmark, leader of the Red Special band com posed of musicians from fifteen states.
 Harry Hansen, Chicago, union ma | chinist
 Thomas J. Mooney, San Jose, Cal, union iron moulder.
 Marcus Metzler, Panama Canal Zone who organized the first socialist 1 local in that district
The morning journal-courier., 1908-10-09
JOCKEY DEMANDS S1O0,0OO
Says Belmont Discharged Him for
 Failing to Lift His Hat.

New York, Oct. S,.-When John II, Freit, the jockey, took the witness stand to-day in his suit for s100,O00 damages again August Belmont tho racing man and finanoier, he said that his trouble with Mir Belmont dated from his failure to lift his hat to hin, on certain day Freit charges libel because of the publication of an al- legged blacklisting paragraph in the Racing Calendar on his leaving the employ of MT. Belmont He claims he was discharged, while the defense al- leges that he left MT. Belmonts ser vices without consent or authority. T will accept your apology, if you can give me assurance of good conduct in the future,' said q letter written by MT. Belmont to Freit according to a copy read in court to-day. The let ter was said to be in reply to ono that Freit had written. and he told Mir. Bel. monts lawyer that the offense for which he was then apologizine was his failure to salute his employer.
The morning journal-courier., 1908-10-09
TAFT BEFORE REGISTRAR
Judge Put Through the Catechism In
 Cincinnati Plumbing shop.

Cincinnati, o. oct S.-William How ard Taft fig q registered voter in Pre- clnct H. Ward ?, of the city of Cin- cInnati The republican presidential candidate registered today, his last opportunity before November election, thus accomplishing the object for which he came here this morning.
 The registry office is in a plumbing shop, and when the candidate entered it, he was put through the following catechism by the registry clerk:
 How old are you2"
 "Flfty-one"
 How many years have you lived In the state of Ohlo?"
 "Fifty-one
 How many years In the country?"
 "Fifty-one"
 How many years in the precinct?"
 Twelve"
 "Married?"
 "Yes
 The candidate then signed William Howard Taft to the registry book and the act was completed.
 Judge Taft busted himself today with Arthur | Vorys, who arrived from Columbus this morning, in arranging the details of his Ohio itinerary.