davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-11
.HYHNWKER WTS

The oxford Register asserts that
Wellington's city water is so bad that
a respectable microbe won't live In II.
According to the Winfield Fres
Press not a single wedding marred
the Christmas merriment in that town.
A Council Grove boy recently killed
a Canadian lynx, and to prove that ne
was not nature taking, divided the
feet of the animal among four Of his
friends.
A dollar saved the life of the night
watchman Of Halstead. He engaged
In a pistol duel with three robbers
and the coin stopped a bullet from
piercing his body.
Two Winfield merchants walked to
Wellington instead Of riding on the
train. This is the first time on record
that man from Winfield was in
hurry to get out ef town.
Manhattan turned out to give the
visitors to the corn show at the col
lege a royal good time. Even the
sh eriff entered into the spirit of the
times and raided two Joints.
Mrs. Sarah Hale of Muscotah was
93 years old the other day. She is so
| spry that she maxi her own bed and
lokos after many of her own wants.
| Her birthday has become an annual
event in MuScotah.
Hazelton is much wrought up and
rightly so. A few evening ago mar
ried man fixed up and attended a
| dance. He left a sick wife at home
| with two small children for her and
! the neighbor women to take care of.
Twenty-six years ago Girard voted
| $25.00 bonds to secure the Nebraska.
lola, Topeka & Memphis railroad,
| which was to have been built from
the Nebraska line southeast to the
Mississippi. Girard is still maxim z
payments on those bonds.
| Sneak thieves seem to be working
| overtime at Pratt and nothing seems
them to lift. A pitcher of cream
| was taken from house the other
night and on the next evening a roll
| of butter was stolen from a refriger-
ator. A number of persons who do
not possess cows are under police
| surveillance.
| While young man at LaHarpe was
lying in his downy couch. dreaming
| of blue skies and summer seas, his
| parents were chasing around over the
landscape, trying to find him, and
telling the populace that he had
| eloped with damsel of the town
They had worn out most of the streets
in their frantic pursuit before they
thought of looking in the youths
boudoir.
This paragraph is going the rounds
"The editor of a Kansas paper re-
scriber: Dear Sir: 1 hereby Offer
my resignashun as subscriber tc
your paper, it being a pamphlet OF
such small konsekense as not to bene-
fit my family by takin' of it. What
you need in your shete is braneS an6
some one to rustic up news and rite
eddytoryalls on sensibal topicks.'
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-11
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Prohibitionists think that the only
good saloon is like the good Indian.
= =
Many social buds grow into Dache-
lor's buttons and many others into
lust plain wall flowers.
Some folks idea OF a model bank Is
one in which the depositor gets
chance to embeZZle.
e r
Dressmakers bills are class OF
evil communications that corrupt good
manners. They frequently make men
swear.
It's easy to become philosopher.
Just utter few things you don't be-
lieve in and also can not make other
people believe.
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-11

QUAKER REFLECTIONS.

TFrom the Philadelphia Record.1
Don't let those New Years resolu-
tions get rusty.
Fitting remarks-those of the tailor
and dreSSmaker.
No. Maude, dear, limpid verse is not
the kind that limps.
The cook as well as the vocalist
should have a good range.
No man likes to be taken down
peg, especially the aeronaut.
IT isn't when a fellow gets in a hole
that he thinks he's the whole thing.
Some men. like some houses, are ad-
mired simply because of good front.
About the only thing that would
shock, some people Is the electric chair.
Even lovers like to hold their own,
but not when 1t comes to holding hands.
Many d fellow is fond of holding
girls hand who doesn't especially care
for lady fingers.
1t is sometimes more reassuring to
be well heeled than merely to stand
on ones, dignity.
graceful than men," He-"They can't
prove it by getting off street. cars"
s'The fellow who tells a girl she is
a dream" observes the Cynical Bach
elor, .'wfll sooner or later wake up"
oldbach-"Does your baby always
cry that way?' Youngpop-"Oh! no; he
cries in a great many different ways"
Wigg-"I don't Ike Borrowed. It
costs me an effort even to be pleasant
to him. WagG-'Gee! 1t has cost me
several dollars
Blobbs-'Good intentions must be
hot stuff" Slobbs-..How do you make
! that out?" Blobbs-"We are told that
| hell is paved with them"
"a good beginning makes a bad end
| ing" quoted the Wise Guy. How do
| you reconcile that with the other wise
saw to the effect that the good die
iyoung?" asked the Simple Mug.
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-11
l|.lL4l0.l..l.jl1'

NOTICE: Important change of date:
Owing to a recendt egsecutif ukase
"All Fools Day. formerly celeprated
on Abril der von-spoth, will be relich-
iously opserfed on Janivary der skix-
teent.
Won may take id dot der prunsipal
difference bedween der machine" und
'de gang" iss dot Won uf dem will win
und der oder will lose.
Won Denver editer vas fined $50 fer
knocking on noder Won. But. incl
IDENTIFY, he knocked on der oder editer's
snoot. unstead uf hiss editorial policy.
Derefore, We may gadder dot he losd
hiss fifty on a technicality.
Der relatifs uf Mrs. Mary Baker g.
Eddy sdill doubt her sanity. Und who
can blame dem? SHE sdill possitihy
refooses to to hand dem vot she hass
in der chack-pot.
Opserf, incidentally, dot der bridge
combany ordered der WHITE OAK.
| After being stang freguendtly fer
many yearss, der Moo York hotelss hat
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-11
GLOBE SIGHTS.

rFrom the Atchison Globe.1
How a. man with little sense longs
for more!
1t sounds doubly bad when a smiling
man is profane.
What has become of the old-fashion-
ed people who wore red flannel under
wear?
If YOU get along. you must do well
today; you can't always be waiting un-
til tomorrow.
There is this about a conscience:
when it does hurt, it isn't nearly so
painful as q boil
"a good woman" an Arabian philoso-
pher is accused of saying, '"is not al
ways good WIFE"
Being willing is all right, but it
doesn't amount to much unless it is
backed up by doing something
1t is somewhat hard to believe that
the se-hardened herrings we get in
inland towns, used to live in the wa
ter.
Says an old lawyer: Use your fist in
the justice court, your brains in the
district court, and some one else's
brain in the supreme court.
1t is pretty hard for young man to
work these days. Just about the time
he begins to feel like working, some
lodge enthusiast will insist on taking
his time, and talking about the 'bene-
| fits
| When man hands his wife so a
week on which to run the house, he has
a feeling that 81 of that is for necessi-
| ties, and the So is what he would be
| able to put in the bank if he were in
| her place.
| There is an. Atchison man who sc
dislikes having anything done for him.
or being under obligations to anyone
| that he is now engaged in digging his
1T s- 10 IN,
tends to begin work on his coffin
| What has become of the old fashion
ed boy who believed that a hair from
a horses tail, kept six weeks, would
| turn into a snake? And Of the other
old fashioned boy who believed that
| the bug known as money bug" II
kept long enough, would turn into
money?
| When the average man goes into q
room where there are lot of people
| he talks a good deal, to keep things
| going'' But the quiet people are TAX
| ing notes, and how they will roast the
| gabby man later. RENE ember that you
are being closely watched when you are
in public.
Whenever a man is reported as say
ing a certain thing, it can generally bt
depended upon that he said it, or some
| thing not far from it. He may den!
! it with great indignation, and charac
terize the one who reports it as a ma
licious liar, but it can be set down a!
fact that he has not been greatl.
misrepresented.
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-11

ways and means of stimulating Democ-
racy into getting. the party together.
From the start that has been made it
would seem that the ideas of the fhem-
bers along these lines tend to the elm
ination of Bryan from the leadership
of the party. They propose to wage a
campaign that will get a platform and
a candidate at Denver that will ap-
peal to the sober sense of the nation"
Possibly they have another Alton B.
Parker in view
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-11
BR--!

She ran to cook his pancakes.
And the phone bell rang.
She rushed to start the coffee,
And the phone bell rang.
Breakfast, he went without 1t.
"Goodby," they had to shout 1t.
She would have wept about 1t,
But the phone bell rang.
She tried to dress the children,
And the phone bell rang.
She went to wash the dishes.
And the phone bell rang.
The parlor needed busting.
The chatting dish was rusting.
And the silverware disgusting,
But the phone bell rang.
The grocer stopped for orders
And the phone bell rang.
A neighbor came to gossip.
And the phone bell rang.
She thought by being hasty
She could bake some biscuits tasty
Her hands with dough were pasty,
And the phone bell rang.
All day her housework waited
While the phone bell rang.
No time for rest or labor
When the phone bell rang.
At last he came to fold her
In his arms Poor girl!'' he told her,
For a second he consoled her,
And the phone bell rang.
Newark Evening News.
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-11

Up in Manitowoc, Wis, they have an
ordinance making 1t unlawful for sa-
loonkeepers to sell liquor to men whom
the police authorities have posted" as
being chronic drunkards. There are
thirty-seven such chaps in town and
the police propose to take them around
to all the saloons and exhibit them tc
the proprietors and bartenders so that
they will have no possible excuse fol
selling liquor to them. This ought to be
decidedly uncomfortable for the post
oHs ones
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-11

Five Of the large wholesale diamond
houses in New York city have failed
within the past week. Diamonds now
eeem to be drug on the market. There
was a. big slump in Christmas trade in
these jewels. This is blamed on the
financial panic which made the rich
people feel poor. But there is some
thing for solace in this condition of af-
fairs Diamonds are one thing that
are not necessary for happy exist
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-11
Nicholson winner

Prof. Nicholson, winner of the
Nobel prize for physics. finds that
light travels at a speed of 1S6.5oo
miles a second which is going quite so
fast that it is beyond the grasp of the
ordinary mind. When it is learned
that the length Of light waves vary
from one-thirty-seven thousandths OF
an inch to one-f1fty-nine thousandths
of an inch. the professor did some
pretty close and fine figuring to reach
his conclusions.
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-11

Richard A. Rallinger has resigned his
position as commissioner of the general
land office. He Is the gentleman whom
President Roosevelt styled as $4,000
man for $1,000 job. Mr.. Ballinger evil
dently appreciates his worth or he
would not have quit. There are plenty
of $1,000 men and also s4sss men who
would be glad of an opportunity to fill
4I.e xzaoonNv
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-11

Euuipping ocean liners with dress
making establishments, 1ewelry stores
and tailor shops is not necessarily a
step for the convenience of tourists.
THESE gewaws will occupy the same
relative position to the transoceanic
Rreynounds as do the sideshows to cir
cuses-they will be mediums for sep
areting the travellers from all the loose
money carried by them.
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-11

Presidential candidates are never
found slow to act. The announcement
of the decision Of the supreme court
declaring the employers liability law
unconstitutional had hardly been cir
culated around before Senator Knox in
troduced q measure which seeks to cure
the defects in this law that were found
by the court of last resort.
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-11

Dr. Burnell, the new Democratic
mayor of South Norwalk, Conn.,, was
unable to read his first message to the
city council the other night. He mis-
laid it at home. It was so attractive to
a pet dog and parrot that they ate it
up. It is said to have been such
warm document that wonder is express
ed that it didn't cremate the pup and
4ba bfrd
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-11

II Editor Bonfils, Of the Denver Post,
was guilty of an unprovoked assault
on the aged ex-senator Patterson as
the court found that he was, his pun
ishment should have been more than a
mere $50 fine. He should have been
sent fo isil for a spell
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-11

Wisconsin leads her sister states In
one thing. More cheese Is manufac-
tured there each year than in ally other
state in the union The output last
year is valued at $12,000,000. There is
an average of ten cheese factories in
every county in the state.
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-11

More than $4,000 persons met with
rnishaps, fatal and otherwise. in Chi
cago during the year 1907. 1t would
take a war of some little duration and
hard fighting to show an equally long
Ifef -aF saSiIaItieS
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-11

Nobody is particularly interested in
the news from Washington that Mr..
Williams and Mr.. De Almond, who in
dulged recently in fisticuffs on the floor
of the house. have patched up their
quarrel and buried the hatchet. They
could keep real mad at each other un-
til doomsday for all that the world
noraq
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-11

Government of cities through the
commission plan does not seem to be
popular with the cityans of Kansas.
The voters of Winfield have followed
the examples of those of Wichita and
Coffeyville in voting against the prop
bsitiou
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-11

Members of the National Democratic
club. which has its home in New York,
have arranged for a series of dinners
At which 1t Is proposed to discuss the
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-11
FULL LEASED WIRE RErORG
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESs

The State journal Il j member u the
Associated Press and receives the fuH Day
telegraph report of that great pews CT
ganizatiou fer the exclusive Afternoon
publication IN Topeka
The news is received II The State Jour
nal building over wires for this sole p'lr-
pose.
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-11
4GROwING MORE MODEST.

Judging from the currency dlscus-
sion people are growing more modest.
Eleven years ago nearly everybody
claimed to understand the silver ques-
ton. but the currency problem seems
to be too much for the once conf1dent
Democrat.
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-11
KANSAS COMHENT
RAP AT SQUARE, DEALERs.


Governor Sheldon Of Nebraska is
| one of those gentlemen who are so
| honest one suspects them. He had
| occasion to be out of the state for a
| few weeks and insisted on the state
| paying the lieutenant governor his
| salary during his absence, and was
quite indignant when the auditor and
| the treasurer could find no way un-
| der the law to do SO. OF course, Gov
ernor Sheldon might quietly have
sent check to the lieutenant COVER
nor for his services as gov
ernor during his absence from
the state, but, however could
that get into the newspapers
Indignantly sent it back? Governor
| Sheldon is rich and doesn't need the
salary anyway. He is also the kind
of man who. If he lived in Kansas.
would call himself a square dealer
with a big s and a big D, and he
litical revolution" News.
THE PEOPLES CHOICE.
Secretary Taft is said by Walter
candidate that is making headway
outside his own state. This is only
another way of saying that Judge
Taft is the one candidate in the popu-
lar mind. He is the one man whom
the people need not to be told all
about. His work during the last
seven years has been of a character
that tells of his abilities. In the Phil
ippines. in Cuba, in Panama and in
the work of his department at home,
he has done things that the people
!, can see and know is the work of. a
| fine executive mind and strong ad-
minfstrator. Added to this is his un-
wavering support of the Roosevelt
policies In public speeches. 1t be-
comes increasingly evident every day
7 that Taft is the peoples choice
Hutchinson News.
: FARMERS NEED GYMNASTICS.
} Gymnasium exercises have been
recognized as necessary. When first
introduced there was great prejudice
$ Many people thought this a direct
1 thrust at the woodward. However
the people in the cities all believe in
gymnastics. The farmers have not
f come to think it is necessary but they
i will. True. farming makes strong ro-
4 bust men, but farming does not make
a complete man. Gymnastics exer-
cises are as necessary there as ir
:. town. The kind of exercise the farm.
: er gets is not the kind that makes
r him a well rounded man.-Lawrence
lJournal
1 REALLY. A SMALL MATTER.
Il A iittle matter of three thousand
II million dollars shrinkage statisti
j clan says securities-largely Wal
street-have gone off in price bill
t lion dollars in alleged value in tn,
t last six months. No wonder Wal
t. street howls. But then it is claimed
& that these securities from now OF
. will advance in price so the higl
!. financiers are getting ready to pitc1
d in and make another billion thi
e year.-El Dorado Republican.
IS WE SAY SO. TOO.
A disgusted dramatic critic say
It that there isn't a first-class tragedia1
q alive today. The good ones were a.
> buried when Booth and Barrett an
n Irving departed for the shades. Thi
appears to be severe slam a
% the distinguished actor who appear
e as Legree in the "UncIe Toms Cabin
u company now touring Kansas.-Em
d poria Gazette.
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-11
A REAL Joke FROM ADE.

George AIDE wants to be a delegate
to the Chicago convention in order to
cast a vote for Fairbanks. This is the
best joke AIDE has sprung in a long
while.-New York World
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-11
WE SAY so. TOO.
TIMES DO CHANGE.

1t is predicted. that within a quarter
of a century a frame building will be
an unusual sight in Kansas. Not a
great deal more than twenty-five
years ago they were pretty hard to
f1nd.-Salina Journal
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-11

deir hyphenated names.
Sheruff Vilkerson iss booster fer
'75 900 in 1911" Der oder day he cut
oudt a carload uf migrants bound fer
Texas. Texas, in der meantime, iss not
missing dem,-Topeka coitenly needs
dem. I'd iss der only way to make good
der abofe mentioned baddle-cry.
Berhaps, ven Gufferner Hook saidt
der sentiment fer special session vas
unanimous" he had chusd interviewed
a committee uf druggists vich hold per
mits. No-yes?
Dere we're many touching incidents
connectioned NIT der former Thaw
trial Der feirsd touching incidence"
fer hiss roll und watch.
Taft, like Richard der three-spot, iss
hollering fer a horse. Unlike der late
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-11
FRON OTHER PENS
CAUSE FOR CHAGRIN.

Mobs in Muncie, Ind, and Ogden,
Utah. the burning of tobacco ware
houses at Russellville, KY, by might
riders' the shooting of two southern
nnayors-thus do we in one day, north,
south and west, hold up to our colonial
proteges, Cubans. Porto Ricans, Fill
pinos, and Hawaiians, the gospel of an
ordered democracy. Two mobs, two
assa sassinations, and the wanton burning
of thousands OF dollars worth of prop
erty; did the cable bring this as a days
news from Havana or Manila. we all
know how the country would resound
with editorials and speeches upon the
proven incapacity for self-government
in our wards. II the true state of af-
fairs in Mississippi were to be brought
Philippine legislators could make some
extremely interesting speeches on the
backwardness of American civilization.
Surely, a searching Of heart-even an
intelligent study Of our own news dis
patches-shou1d make US more lenient
in our judgments of the frailties of 9TH
ers and less apt to decry their POSSIBLE
tiles in the direction OF representative
government because of superficial nap
penings Mr.. Taft is certain that only
7 per cent of the Filipinos are now fully
qualified for self-government. Were ne
not a presidential candidate, 1t Woulo
be interesting to ascertain from him
how many Americans he considers fuliy
qualified to govern themselves.-New
York Evening Post.
A MOLLYCODDLB GENERATION.
More than a century ago Matthew
Lyon, of Vermont, and Roger Gris-
void, of Connecticut, set the standard
of Congressional rough-and-tumble Die
fighting Lyon spit in Griswolo's face
and when the house refused to expe
the member from Vermont, Griswolc
avenged himself one morning aftel
prayers by beating Lyon over the heae
with a heavy cudgel until both con
testants fell fighting to the floor, while
| "the speaker looked on with manifes
| delight" -,
| All friends and admirers of the
strenuous life will note with mingled
| shame and humiliation that not oa!!
did John Sharp williams and Dav1t
Albaugh De Almond wait until th'
adjournment of the house yesterda!
before punching each others honor
able head but that the total damages
consisted OF red welt and small
| cash.
This is indeed a generation of mol
| lycoddles!-New York World.
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-11


Richard. he hat not signified any desire
to swap hiss kingdom for i'd.
Gedt der club, und der hook und der
lemon fer anyvon you catch trying to
make q pun aboudt der January
Thaw."
, Anser to correspondence: No, Agnes,
Catherine Devine, bedder known es der.
orichinal Liddle Egypt" died uf gas
fixication, und nod uf bow-knots in der
spine.
Misder Paddywoosky's troat vas
slightly cutted by hiss barber. Owing
to der feet dot Paddy docs nod blay
pee-ano init hiss neck, dis item iss OF
liddle importance.
AS der Kansasitty benk egsplosion
iss sdill a mystery, We may be pardon
ed fer offering der follering: Berhaps
some Won crawled indo dot basemendt
to egsplode der theory dot proonss iss
| to eat
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-11

After me cometh a man which is pre-
ferred before me.-John 1:30
The Detroit times., 1908-07-09
SUSPENDED NEST ROBBER
ATTACKED BY AN EAGLE

RIVERTON, Wyo.. July S.-Discov-
ering an eagles nest In the face OF
the Lost Well Canyon Cliff, Arthur
Williams. Riverton rancher. got two
companions 10 assist him In robbing
the parent bird OF her fedgelings. A
rope was dropped from the top OF the
cliff and down this Williams slid a dis.
lance of 200 feet until opposite the
nest. AT that moment the mother
eagle appeared. and without hesitation
attacked the man. Williams struck
at her with stick he carried and at
the first blow IL was dashed from his
hand by the beating wings of the
eagle. Picking, clawing and striking
stunning blows with her wings, the
eagle was beating the man when one
OF Williams companions dropped a
heavy stone on her and she fell into
the canyon. Although severely LAGER
ated and bruised, Williams secured
the nestlings and then descended to
the floor Of the canyon, where he at
tempted TO capture the parent bird.
AS he grasped her her vitality return
ed and she beat him off and scared
away
The Detroit times., 1908-07-09
HUGE TRUST PLAN
OF PINE BELT men

ST. LOUIS, July 9.-Planning TO
merge their lumber interests into one
grea, holding corporation capitalized
at approximately 100000, 900. 100
wealthy lumbermen from the yellow
pine belt OF the south and middle
west met here at the Mercantile and
adopted an organization plan looking
toward that end.
+, +. Weyerhauser OF ST. Paul. son
of the multi-millionaire lumberman.
was appointed chairman of the per
manent organization committee which
Is TO work out the details OF organ
ization, the financing and the drafting
of charter and the legal phases OF
the plan. The organization commit
tee Is expected TO raise s25,000.000
from the proprietary interests 10 con-
summate the merger OF interests.