Evening star., 1908-01-26
CHAPTER xxxIIContinued.
Or. .Lavendar waited.

Or. .LaFendar waited.
Perhaps / don't think about things
quite as you do. I am not religious;
told you that. / don't do things because
of religion: believe in-in reason, not in
religion. I try to be good in--my way.
don't know that I've been what you would
call good"
What do / call 'good?''
At which she burst out that people In
Old Chester thought that people who did
not live according to convention were not
good. For, her part. convention was the
last thing she thought of. Indeed, she be-
lieved there was more wickedness in con-
vention than out OF it, IF l have done
anything you would call wrong. 1t was be-
cause 1 couldn't help it; never wanted to
do wrong. / just wanted TO be happy
I've tried to be charitable. And I've tried
TO be good-in my way; but not because l
wanted to go to heaven. and all that. II
don't believe i'll heaven" she ended with
terrified fiippancy.
Perhaps not" said DR.. Lavendar, sad
ly: but. oh. my child, how do you be-
Ueve In hell,''
She stared at him for one broken mo-
Inent: then flung her arms out on the
table beside her and dropped her head
upon them. DIR. Lavendar did not speak.
There was long silence. suddenly she
turned upon him. her face quivering
Yes / do believe in hell. Because that
Is what life Is, I've never had any hap
piness at ALL Oh. it seemed SO little a
thing to ask-just to be happy. Yes.
believe In hell"
DR.. Lavendar waited.
'If I've done what people say isn't
right, 1t was only because / wanted to b.
happy: not because l wanted to do wrong
II was because of love. You can't under
stand what that means But Christ said
that because a woman loved much. much
was TO be forgiven. Do you remember
that?" she demanded. hotly.
Yes" said Dr.. Lavendar: but do you
remember who Ii was that she loved
much? She loved goodness, Mrs. Richie.
Have you loved goodness"
"Oh, what is the use of talking about
it?'' she said. passionately; I'VE won't
agree. II it was all TO do over again,
perhaps l. But life was dreadful II
you Judge me, remember-
Il do not judge YOU
Remember that everything has been
against me. Everything. From the very
beginning. never had anything l
wanted. / thought 1 was going to be
happy. but each time ] wasn't. Until I
had David. And now you will take him.
oh. what miserable failure life has
been, I wish / could die. But it seems
you can't even die when you want to-
For a moment she covered her face
with her hands. Then she said: Il sup
pose l might as well tell you. Mr.. Pryor
is not . After my baby died i left
my husband. Lloyd loved me and / went
to live with him.
You went to live with your brother?''
Dr. Lavendar repeated, perplexed.
He Is not my brother
There was silence for a full minute.
Then DR.. Lavendar said, quietly, Go
IN"
She looked at him with hunted eyes.
Now, you will take David away. Why
sid you make me tell your
1T Is better to tell me-" He laid his
old hand on hers. clenched upon the table
at her side. The room was very still;
once q coal fell from the crate, and onca
there was the soft brush of rain against
the window.
'It's my whole life. I can't tell you my
whole life. I didn't. ever want to be
wicked; all I wanted was to be happy.
And so / went to Lloyd. 1t didn't seem
% very wrong. We didn't hurt anybody.