The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1908-07-16
WHEN the DEACON
CALLED.
copyright, 1908. ]

Visit. MIS-. GEeSS pTopoScu Ihoe WY
make a match between the widow and
Deacon Watkins, and he was invited
TO call. One afternoon the farmer and
his wife set out for town. leaving their
guest all alone. This was the after
noon selected by Deacon Watkins for
his call.
There were reasons why the deacon
arrived at the Gregg homestead IN
rather excited condition. He was KICK
ed by one of his COWS just before leaV-
ing home. one of the hogs got caught
in the fence and had to be released
stray bull that he encountered III the
road ran him up wild cherry tree.
and in some of the adventures he lost
a iackknife that used to belong to MS
grandfather. He was therefore more
or less perturbed when he knocked at
the kitchen door and then entered TO
find the widow asleep in the room be-
yOnd. He had turned to retreat when
she awoke and uttered a scream at
sight of him. She had been dreaming
of that escaped lunatic. She had
dreamed that he had his fingers on her
throat and was choking her to death,
and here he was before her! The dea-
con muttered his name and an apology,
and the widow sat up. She had read
and heard great deal about lunatics
and how they should be treated. This
one didn't look very fierce. but she
must be careful not to arouse him.
She must be soft and gentle and dis
sembling. Therefore as soon as she
could catch her breath she smilingly
asked the deacon if he wouldn't sit
down He replied that he would and
did He didn't ask for the Greggs.
Not seeing them about. he inferred that
they had gone to town.
The widow had been told always to
look a mad dog or lunatic in the eye
AS she kept her eyes on the deacon she
read cunning. craft and cruelty in his
face, and she realized that her life was
at stake. 1t was rather embarrassing
for the caller. but he talked about In
dams, Canadian thistles, potato bugs
and the weather and grew more at
ease as the minutes slipped away. On
her part the widow tried to be as en-
tertaining, but it was hard work. The
fear was constantly present that the
lunatic would suddenly break out and
rend her limb by limb. She was
historical, but she didn't cease to
smile. When the deacon finally got
around to tell her of his trials and mis-
fortunes he found sympathetic listen
er. She had read that she must al
ways pretend to sympathize with the
insane, and she made the effort of her
life. BY and by her caller went fur
Their He said that when his dear COM
panion died he made up his mind never
to marry again, but it was possible
that he would change his mind If he
met the right party. 1t was lonesome
living all alone and having no one to
pet. 1t was so lonesome that some
times he went out and sought the CON-
partnership of the oxen.
The widow had been told that she
must seem to agree with lunatic, and
she heaved sigh and replied to the
deacon by saying that when she had
laid her Joseph meath the weeping
willow she thought the light had gone
out forever. Time had assuaged her
grief and caused her to change her
mind. She had come to feel that per-
haps it was even her duty to marry
again. She could cook, wash, bake,
iron. make soft soap and all kinds of
preserves, and for three years running
her crazy quilts and rag carpets had
taken first prizes at the county fair
The deacon then limited that by hard
work and industry he had accumulated
about $4,000 worth Of property. The
widow saw his object and stated that
her Joseph left her about that amount
and she had increased it somewhat.
AS matter of fact, she lied about it,
but she had read that one must always
lie to lunatics. and she didn't propose
to provoke the one before her.
Deacon Watkins became interested.
He admired. He would come again.
II his lost relict was to be replaced,
Indiana should have a fair chance in
the race. He liked that smile. He
liked that chatter He liked a woman
that could hustle with the Homework
and knew by instinct when a boiled
dinner was ready to put on the table.
He got up to go, and the widow felt
that her life was saved He fingered
with his hand on the back of his chair,
and her threat CONSTRUCTED. He might
or might not have taken his leave as
soon as he had finished telling her that
he thought ailing humanity ought to
drink more catnip tea when steps were
heard outside. A hog buyer and a tin
peddler had arrived in chorus. The
widow cried, Come inr' and thew
came, but the instant they entered she
cried something else. Pointing to the
deacon, she half shrieked:
Secure him! He is an ESCAPED lu-
natic"
Then the deacon was thrown on his
back and tied up with the clothesline
and threatened with death, and, though
he suffered and stammered. no atten-
ton was paid to him. He was bun
died into the drover's cart and logged