davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
Tradino as a Fine Art.

A grocery store in Nelson, Lanca-
shire, was managed by Golfers wife,
One night the good woman was COM
PEELED to leave the shop for a short
time in charge of her husband, giving
him full instructions how to act and
especially cautioning him that in the
event of customer presenting a jar
or pot and asking for treacle, jam or
pickles he "must be sure and weigh
tn pot"
Full Of confidence, the collier INSTALL
ed himself behind the counter. In a
short time lad ran into the shop and
piped out:
Il want two pound O. pickles fur mi
faythur, and here's tn pot"
The good man carefully weighed the
pot and exclaimed:
NAY. lad, tn pot weighs enough
bowt pickles, but I'll gil thi one or two
anyway" -Liverpool Mercury.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
The Topsyturvydom of RELIGION.

At the opening of King Edward Wis
first parliament he had to repeat after
the lord chancellor an oath which con-
demned in almost brutal words all
things papistical Yet held aloft by a
Protestant peer for all Protestants to
reverence was a veritable emblem OF
papal supremacy-a quaint little bon
net Of crimson velvet turned up with
ermine. This is the cap of mainte-
nance, and so sacred is it that no
hands but royalty may finger it. Thus
the premier marquis, whose hereditary
right it is to carry it, balanced it some
what after the fashion of a conjurer
upon white staff This cap was
granted to Henry VIII. by Pope Leo
x. In the middle ages it was held as
symbolic of the overload, only being
granted to vassals and feudatories
whom the lord wished to honor, so that
it implies as nothing else could the su
premacy of the pope over the kings of
England.-London Standard.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
A CREDITABLE PUBLICATION.

We are in receipt of Volume |,
No. l, of the Shevlln Herald, the new
publication launched on the turbu-
liant sea of journalism by liver Krohn
of Shevlin. The paper presents a
very neat appearance. The type is
all new and up-to-date and the paper
is printed in very creditable
manner.
In announcing the advent of the
Herald, Mr.. Krohn says:
The Shevlin Herald shall be pub
lished for the benefit and welfare of
not only Shevlin and Clearwater
county but for the northwestern part
of Minnesota in general. We humbly
ask to be adopted into the great
family of journals, we beg critics to
be as lenient as possible with the
youngest of infant publications and
extend to us the glad hand of fellow
ship, as we have no axe to grind,
and we will at all times strive our
best to put forth all our power and
energy to the upbuilding of Shevlin
and Clearwater county,"
Mr.. Krohn makes a fine beginning
with his paper, and if he at all times
lives up to the standard set above,
he will undoubtedly make a big
success of the Herald.
Here's hoping Mr.. Krohn will
will realize large returns from his
newspaper venture.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
Where the Shoe Punched,

1t was easy for Mr.. Randall to bear
with his wife's remarkable decision OF
character at all times, but her obst1-
macy he found most difficult to endure
II can't quite comprehend her," he
conided to his brother after one try
ing experience. MANY years as we
have been married, she still surprises
me. Why, all in the same day, some
times in the same hour, she will settle
disturbance in the kitchen, put the
children just where they belong, adjust
when her Judgment ought to be at its
best, display the most astounding OBJ
stinacy in attempting to regulate my
goings out or comings in. Its-its in
comprehensive"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
Why.


There Is something almost plaintive
in the truly English word why" It
may be Indefinitely prolonged upon the
lips. "Why" is almost poetical in it.
self and fifty introduces the best hex
ameter in the language:
r "Why do the heather rage and the
people imagine vain thing2"
Its uses in poetry are almost infinite,
and one modern writer makes almost
line Of it alone:
Why do the night winds sigh,
The sea birds wildly cry,
The summer clouds pass by,
The lilies droop and die, Ssh.
The light fade from the SKYE
Why-oh, why?
TO most Of the why's there is not 8
good because. The inquiring mind is
puzzled to account for many things
besides It's own existence. Hundreds
Of such questions occur to us at every
step, and no satisfactory reply can be
expected. Life is too short. Socrates
was always saying "Why," and we
have all heard Of the man who called
Pope the '1ittle crooked thing that
asked questions. "-Exchange.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
Lewis CAROLS Humor,

An English magazine gives some
amusing pieces Of Lewis CAROLS hui
NOR from the forgotten pages Of Ok
ford pamphlets. During the election at
Oxford in 1865 he gave vent to the fol-
lowing Euclidean definition: "Plain su-
perficial1ty is the character Of a speech
in which, any two points being taken,
the speaker is found to lie wholly with
regard to those two points" A note is
also given on the right appreciation of
examiners: "a takes in ten books and
gets third class; B takes in the ex-
aminers and gets a second Find the
value of the examiners in terms of
books, also their value in terms when
no examination is heidi
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
The First American Duel.

In the year 1880 occurred the first
duel known to have taken place on
American soil. The principals, Edward
Doty and Edward Lester, We're serv-
ants of Mr.. Hopkins, one of the New
England colonists. The men had quar-
relied over some trifing matter and re-
sorted to the field for its settlement
The affair was stopped by the authori-
ties. but not before one had been
wounded in the thigh and the other in
the hand. There was no law covering
such matters, but the governor of the
province decided that the men should
be punished nevertheless. At his or
ders they were sent to have their heads
and feet tied together and lie in that
condition twenty-four hours without
food or drink. They suffered so much,
however, that they were released at
the end Of an hour.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
The Man Who Told the Tale.

It happened on a Pullman car be-
tween New York and Chicago Dinner
having been finished, the gentlemen
assembled in the smoking room to en-
Joy their cigars.
During the time l was in the war;"
said the quiet man, II saw a very
wonderful thing in the line of surgical
operations. A friend Of mine was shot
through the right breast, the bullet
passing clear through him. The pres
ence Of mind Of his companion un-
doubleday saved his life. He wrapped
his handkerchief around the ramrod of
his gun and, pushing it through the
path made by the bullet, cleared the
wound of all poisonous lead. know
it is hard to believe, but, gentlemen,
the man still lives to tell the tale"
(Which MANI" inquired the slim pas
senger on the other seat quietly.
'"The wounded one, of course" ex-
claimed the old soldier scornfully.
"Oh, beg your pardon. thought it
might be the other" -
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
A Fair Chance.

Dressed in the latest and most ap-
proved motor cycling costume, with
goggles all complete, the motor cyclist
gayly toot-tooted his way by Regents
park toward the zoo. Suddenly he
slackened, dismounted and said to a
small, grubby urchin:
II say, my boy, am right for the
zoo?"
The boy gasped at so strange sight
and thought it must be some new ami
NAL for the gardens.
"You may be all right if they have a
spare cage" he said when he could find
his tongue, "but you'd ha' stood a far
better chance if you'd d tail!'-Lon-
don Answers
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
Herbert Spencer and the PuddIes

On no one occasion was Herbert
Spencer known to ride when going to
a dinner, yet so carefully did he guard
himself against the chance of soiling
his dress shoes that he habitually car
ried bundle Of old newspapers under
his arm. These were for the purpose
OF being dropped, one by one, into each
mud puddle he might encounter on
crossing the street. BY the time he
reached his destination the store of pa
pers was exhausted. Muddy shoes on
the return walk did not matter to him
In the least.-London Caterer.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
For Emergencies.

A banking reserve Is for use, not
merely for show 1t is for use in times
of emergency. Yet some bankers look
upon their reserves very much as the
superintendent of hospital regarded
it's emergency bed. A patient all bang
ed up in an accident was brought to
the hospital one night and was told
that there was no room for him. "Why
not put him in the emergency bed?' it
was suggested. ''If we put him in the
emergency bed" 1t was replied, then
we would have no emergency bed."-
Wall Street Journal.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
Solicitous,

An old lady unaccustomed to travel
ing innocently seated herself in a. first
class carriage, although she only had
third class ticket. The guard, think
ing she had made mistake, popped
his head into the carriage and inquired,
"Are you first class, ma 'amY'
mo, sir, not altogether" she replied,
"but much brighter than I was, thank
you."-London Scraps.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
Moslem Prayer Ruus,

Prayer rugs were evidently invented
for the purpose of providing the wor-
shippers with one absolutely clean place
on which to offer prayers. It is not
lawful for Moslem to pray on any
place not perfectly clean, and unless
each one has his own special rug he
Is not certain that the spot has not
been polluted. It does not matter to
these followers Of Mohammed how
unclean rug that is on the floor may
be- because over it they place the
prayer rug when their devotions begin.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
A Clever Scheme.

Mother examining school report)-
How did you come to have such good
marks in arithmetic this week? Tom
my-Well, you see it was this way:
We had ten examples day, and got
the teacher to help me to do five, and
Eric Jones got her to help him on the
other five. Then we snapped helps.
See?-Harpers
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
An Eye Experiment,

The two eyes really see two objects
If the two forefngers be held, one at
the distance of one foot, the other two
feet In front of the eyes, and the for
mer be looked at, two phantoms of the
latter will be observed, one on each
side. If the latter figure be regarded,
two phantoms Of the nearest finger
will be observed mounting guard, one
on either SIDE
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
The RIGHT Place.

A dignifed elderly gentleman riding
On train was annoyed by boy sit
ting across the aisle. The boy had just
finished his breakfast and was anus
Ing himself by laughing at the old
gentleman. Presently the latter lean
cd over and said to the boys mother:
Madam, that child should be spank
cd"
Il know It." said she, "but I don't
believe in spanking a child on a full
stomach"
Neither do l." said he. '"Turn him
over"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
Cause For Worry.

"Did you have a good time at your
musicale"
NO." answered Mr.. Cumrox. ''Ev-
cry time the band played anything
enjoyed got worried for fear it wasn't
classical enough to be the moneys
worth. "-Washington Star.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
IMPARTIAL,

"Mc. Scatterton prides himself on
being strictly impartial"
eyes," answered the unamiable man
II once went shooting with him. He
didn't seem to care whether he hit the
rabbit, the dog or one Of his friends"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
Readina . Pio,s Tail.

Don't buy that pig" said the older
butcher hastily.
"Why not?'' asked the younger man.
'''Look at his TAIL" was the reply.
"See how loose it hangs, like the tail
Of a rat. That is sign that the ami
NAL is in bad health.
"You can read pigs condition by
its tail. The tighter it is curled the
filter is the pig. And when the tail
hangs straight, as this one does, the
pig ought to take to his bed and send
for the veterinary" New Orleans
Times Democrat.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
Winnind Her Albanian

Winning Her Attention.
my wife never pays any attention to
what say"
mine does-sometimes."
"How do you manage itY
II talk in my sleep."-London Opin-
hon.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
Answered..

Two ministerial candidates named
Adam and Low preached in Scottish
church. Mr.. Low preached in the
morning and took for his text, adam,
where art thou?''
He made a most excellent discourse,
and the congregation was much edi-
fed. In the evening Mr.. Adam preach
ed and took for his text, 80, here
amp
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
His Economv,

Father-It's only fair to tell you that
I'm pleased with your economy this
term. Your requests for money were
too frequent last term. Son-Yes, ia
ther, I thought so, too, SO this term
I've had everything on tick.-London
it-Bits.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
The DANGEROUS Case,

One Of the surgeons of hospital
asked an Irish help which he consid-
cred the most dangerous of the many
cases then in the hospital. '"That, SIR"
said Patrick as he pointed to case Of
surgical instrum ents.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
Mans wrinkled face is the original
time table.-Dallas News.
Self Composed.

She-He is a person of perfect ease
and possession and is thoroughly at
home anywhere. He-Yes, he even has
the faculty of making you feel "a total
stranger in your own house.-London
Tit Bits
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
Appronriate.

The Monument Man latter several
abortfve suggestions)-How would sim
ply "Gone home" do? Mrs. Newweeds
Il guess that would be all right. It
was always the last place he ever
thought of going.-Puck.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
Asserting Himself.

He-Will you be my wife? She The
idea! Don't be ridiculous. He-Yes,
know it sounds ridiculous; but, then,
I'm not SO particular as some men are
Boston Transcript. IS
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
The Poets Son.

"Why, Freddy, how dirty you are,
and only yesterday you wrote verse
for papa's birthday, promising always
to wash your hands clean"
"Well, mamma, that was only a
poetic license.''- Fliegende Batter.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
Fear and Dancer.

Nervous Old Lady Ito deck hand on
steamboat) = Mr.. Steamboatman, is
there any fear of danger? Deck Hand
carelessly)-Plenty of fear, ma'am,
but not bit Of danger.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
The Force of Habit.

A certain accountant is so devoted to
ing else to do he casts up his eyes.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
Time to Get BUSY

''But life has no bright sidep' walled
the pessimist
'Then get busy and polish up the
dark SIDE" rejoined the optmist.-Chi.
cago News. r-
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
Got What He lied

Host-Why on earth did you put poor
Jenkins between two such chatter
boxes at the table? Hostess-Why
Hear, you know he is so fond Of tongue
sandwiches!
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
Lucky.

Smith-Just missed running down an
old lady with my auto. Jones-Bah
Jove, you're lucky dog! Smith
Sure. just had it painted last week.
Chicago News.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
A M artyr.

~ Martyr,
Mamma. have I got to take bath
tonight?"
"I'm afraid you have, my dear"
"But haven't done anything all the
week to deserve it."-New York Life.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
Little Food.

Student Something is preying on my
mind. Professor Wit must be very
hungry.-Yale Record.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02

A scientist contends that man is
merely an evolution of the fish. Ger
tainly one has to be careful or some
body in the neighborhood will throw
the hooks into them.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02

One of the most rare kinds Of cour-
age is the courage to wait.-St Louis
g, nbe- Democrat.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02

Another leap year problem is
whether Miss Democracy will have
the nerve to shake her steady"
just for the novelty of proposing to
another.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
OBSERVATIONS.
by "Doc"1

A fool at forty may have known
it all at twenty.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
Willing to Help.

: Wiling 20 F7eIP.
II suppose old eastman has more
money than he knows what to do
with?''
Eyes, but his wife and daughters are
ready to supply the needed informa-
ton"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02

Scientists claim to have discovered
the murder germ in hard cider. The
suicide germ was long ago discovered
in hard times.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02
Chiefly the mold Of a mans fortune
b In his own hands.-Bacon.
Standards,

She-Men and women can't be judg-
ed by the same standards. For in
stance, man is known by the CON-
pany he keeps. He-And a woman by
the servants she can't keep-Judge.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02

Some silence may be golden, but
much of it is ironical.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02

The grey matter in a melancholy
persons head must be a dark blue.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02

1t is possible to smile and smile
and be a hypocrite still.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02

Why do people who pick quarrels
always select such ugly ones?
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-03-02

Wise woman get their rights with
out talking about them.
New-York tribune., 1908-06-03
REALTY NOTES.

At the annual directors meeting of the Lewis II.
May Company. recently held, the following officers
were reelected: Charles T. Noyes president A.
II. Fraser. vice-president and Lewis II. May.
treasurer and general manager. Leonard A. May
was elected secretary.
Burill Brothers have sold the three story and
basement brick and stone foyer hall house No 5@6
71h ST. between Sth ave. and Prospect Park West.
Brooklyn, for Henry Wolf Boes OF Elkhart, Ind,
10 4. l.. Scott.
Plans have been filed with Buildings supcrin-
tendent Murphy TO remodel the second floor of the
United Charities Building, at 4th and ed St.
occuped by the Offices of the Association for I'M
proving the Condition of the Poor, the improve
ments charging the quarters for the accommoda-
ton visitors the charity and also for affor
ing increased space in the workroom of the as
socistion. Crow, Lewis Mickenhoefer are the
architects
New-York tribune., 1908-06-03
4NTS TOTING MACHINES
Board of aldermen Comn''ttee 20
Consider Resolution.

,, Oh. Republican leader OF the
Board of Aldermen. ut the meetihs 80 -, -. -,
troduced resolution. which was re'eiie' ~ !.
.,It,oa c,I1ing for the use OF voting machines a,
-, 49, , oIoc,ion The resolution authorized
.ho toarI ~ Elections to put voting machine IN
each Assembly district. -, - ..
rho Alderman said he believed there would De a
great net saving to the city In the course =, ="
years by installing voting nachiheS. " =
thev would remove the element oI u""0'
cid candidates would not be called upon 10 meet
the expenses incident to prosecuting OF ueIe"e , =
st1it after election" Alderman Do"hins "i "
Republican, said he believed Mayor NicCiei'all an
was honestly elected" and that voting hiaoi'ii''
would have demonstrated that fact
Alderman Brown obtained the passage oi d
resolution calling upon the heads of departments
TO arrange for two weeks vacations ior 'ii7it '4'
ployes full pay ,.. IL
Alderman Bowling introduced TesoIl'ioh &c.
ti n stands within the stoop lines and said that
licenses for the stands, granted by aldermen !"
good faith were used in tricky deallhs- he SN
foreigner would put up a stand AT a cost % 49, -
$40 and then after he has been In business d .e"
weeks he would catch some poor fellow WIN d X"
hundred dollars and stick him have known
these stands TO sell for high as s2eo ana s"'VV
These prices were secured by gross fnisrepreSeii'
ton the victims being told. among other tnhsS
that it was costly thing to secure a permit os-
cause the aldermen had to get 50 mucn money
He moved tnat fine of so be imposed Tor every
attempt 10 sell a stand and that licenses OF per
1nits be made non-transferabe.
A resolution was passed fixing the salary OF mes
sengers in the Department Of Taxes ana ASSe'S-
ments at 81, $50
Resolutions OF sympathy were adopted on the
deaths Of ex-Aldermen Ernest A. jain and Pat
rick s. Kiely.
Resolutions introduced by Aldermen DouI and
Wentz respectively. providing for leaves OF ao-
scnce for Grand Army men and members of the
United Spanish War Veterans during their annual
state encampments, were adopted.
New-York tribune., 1908-06-03
FALLS FROM ROOF FLEEING FROM FIRE
Boarder, Blinded by Smoke, Loses Her Way
While Trying to Escape.

Miss Marie Beetrame. seanlstress, forty years
old, killed early yesterday morning by falling
from roof while fleeing from fire in the
boarding house at No 313 West 30th street con-
Quoted by Mrs. Marie Mooney. Several others were
injured. Seven fremen received severe bruises
when the stairs from which they were fighting the
fire gave way. Th building only slightly danl-
aged
The fire started in Woodshed in the basement
Of the three story building. The tenants were
awakened by the shouts of passersby. There were
no fire escapes, and they sought refuge from the
flames the roof. Miss Beletrame must have been
blinded by the smoke while wandering around the
roof. walked to the edge and toppled She
struck on her head in the rear yard and killed
instantly.
Mrs. Jennie MiclSe, of the boarders, became
lost the top floor while trying reach the roof
and screamed for help Captain Sweeney of Truck
81 tied a rope around a chimney and lowered him
self the window where Mrs. Mckle He
got into the room. tied the rope around her waist
and fremen the roof pulled her up. Sweeney
climbed up the rope when II lowered to
him.
New-York tribune., 1908-06-03
KNICKERBOCKER TRUST co. SUES.
Actions Aggregating Sl32,0OO Brought
Against Three Bostonians

Boston, June Suits aggregating SS2 900 were
entered in the United States Circuit Court to-day
by the hnickerbocker Trust Company. of New
York, against Albert S Bigelow. Theophilus Par
and Russell S. Goldman. and their real estate
in Suffolk County attached.
The suits are brought because of guarantees al
legged to have been made about year ago by the
defendants for money lent by the trust company
to the II. W. Bennett Silk Company a New Jersey
corporation to insure the capitalization of million
and a half dollars.
Attorneys for the trust company state that there
are nine other cases of like nature. aggregatfnc
S249000, against Robert d Evans. Stephen NJ Weld
& Co. Samuel Appleton, Oliver 7. KimbaU. Nelson
w. Kimban. Charles S. Cook and William NJ. Co
nant. of Boston, and Benjamin f. Spinney and
James NJ Marsh OF Lynn. The suits entered To-
day rcturnable on October 20.