The Washington herald., 1908-02-15

Mistakes and Mixes Up His Cranks.
There were certain old maids who had
heard a runor OF the discovery OF the
fountain Of youth and expected a per-
sonal message, and 10. receive IL deserted
comfortable chairs before coy freplaces
in top-foor back rooms last night, and
repaired 10 the Sunday school room Of
the Metropolitan N. Z. Church.
What was the attraction? Man?
Yes.
But a wonderful man. man who
could do what no man had ever done! A
man to be immortalized with innumerable
statues planted everywhere! a man
whose name would go down in history in
bigger type than that of George Wash
ington.
Claims tn Fame.
Had he not ten-hundredfold accomplish
ed greater things than the father of his
country? Had he not discovered a method
whereby cat-loving, tea-drinking, man
hating spinsters can, with a little faith.
De tLuNcLNt AilFu AiiAN AtiAtlAEAs ttri iAt4 =
soda water-loving man-adored maidens.
There were present early not only those
who need the panacea now. but those
who dimly apprehend a future interest In
the hope advanced, and there were 9TH
ers. There was curiosity mingled with
unbelief, and incredulity and hope. There
were those who had TO fidget, and whis-
per. and giggle. and nudge. and squirm,
and who wondered II o'clock would ever
come,
Behold the Man.
Every eye was on the platform at the
appointed hour He appears-a French
man, with an imperial, too. and dressed
in trreproachable evening dress-the real
thing.
No word is spoken. An unseen hand
quietly withdraws curtain revealing d
mysterious, formidable, black box. about
the size OF our room at the boarding
house you know"
The man advances 10 the front Of the
platform and speaks for himself. no other
man having dared TO enter that assem-
blsge. He makes it known that he Is
'Ze greet discoverer. zs renowned, ze
world admired Professor Makerneux.
Would a Iadee care TO be expereme ented
on. and become ze blush, zee dainty dam
seeI2"
Who viii Il be? No fear that persuasion
must be sustained There Is a rush. The
professor intervenes-
"Zere iss all ze night LADIES'"
wonders Never Cease.
Preferred by the index finger of the
professor. up steps the favored one 10
the platform Some one giggles from
sheer kittenishness when the professor
holds her hand for a brief second while
leading her to the magical box. Mother
.of-pearisl An old maiden's prayer is TO be
answered
With whispered word cf advice from
the professor. his subject disappears in
the awe-Inspiring black abyss OF the box.
TIE professor was maglcianlike, and
began to creep about the platform with 4
made-to-order expression of mystery. He
Is down on his knees paving at the carpet
on the platform. He walked about tear
ing his hair wringing his hands, pulling
at his cravat. and grew frantic.
The maids were terrified and united in a
chorus Of screeches when low groanS and
a stffied cry emanated from the black
room. Prof Makerneux turned "a triple
action. c0rkscrew. haud-and-foCt combi-
nation flip flop backward and regained
consciousness. He rushed up 10 his secret
box and began pulling levers. turning
screws, cranking cranks, and finally lis
tened through a hole 10 the buzz of the
hair restorers, fountain-of-youth syringes,
and life-giving powders beginning to mix
And There You Are.
A painful wait was endured in silence
Then Afakerneux. with a sweep of his
arm. a bend OF the back, a dip of the
head, and a money s-worth-or-money-
back smile. ushered a bIushing. gorgeous
/ ly gowned debutante from the recesses OF
| his mysterious apartment.
| The spinsters awakened to a realization
! Of what happened before their marveling
wondering eyes. A regular old Western
| stampede was in order. Police with
blanched faces peek through the win
dows. but are afraid 10 enter. Everything
| is hullubaloO.
But Prof. Makerneux possessed a more
wonderful power than he had demon
strated He knew how to manage women.
/ lie QuleteQ them down III SnCFl OTQer ahu
| let them come up In turn, according to
age, the oldest leading the line Some
gave their ages around the century mark,
as was undoubtedly true.
Thirteen crOnes were made over into
| lovely young things, such as brides,
schoolgirls, cooks. nurses, golf girls, row.
ing girls, fencing girls. show girls, and
painting girls. and singing girls, and girls
with curls and tresses fair.
Now for the climax. Number fourteen
marches up, six feet tall, thin and ugly
hair of ebony and complexion dark. She
goes through the Identical methods used
| by her predecessors.
| Everything seems all right Now for
| the crucial moment. What will she be?
| Alasi
| A yell Of terror from the professor, who
disappears through a back entrance
/ Howls Of laughter from the audience
! She is changed indeed, but how much
worse than before. A smiling, female
African stands, where she, alas, once
stood.
/ + T.