The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-12-24
HUNOR OF THE Day

TT is true" said a friend. that you
nave nay aInasSed great fortune. But your
said Mr.. Dustin Stax. This is an era
Of Specifications. I may be weak in
the possessive case. "-Washington Star.
Knicker-where is his residenccg Book
er-For voting, in New York; for divorce,
in Dakota, and for good, in Europe.-New
York Sun.
The Easterner-Wheh I was in New
YORK l was , one of the 400. The Westerner
were youT-Chicago News.
What we want is more plain speaking"
many plain speakers" said some unmaniy
brute in the crowd.-Judy.
You are a pretty sharp boy. Tommy
We'll, I'd ought to be. Pa takes me out
IN the woodshed and strops me three or
four times week"
a., What y, would I'd you do. dear If were to
know replied barley thouEhtfuliy;
WHICH is your choice-burial or crema-
tion?"-Illustrated Bits.
We passed. in the course of an hour, two
dead cows and more than fifty dead chick
ems. A strong smell of gasoline pervaded
the atmosphere. and there were wheel
tracks in the dust. Sherlock Holmes be-
claimed he. after deep thought, there has
been an automobile along herer'-Louis-
Lady-Tve been expecting a packet of
medicine by post for a week, and haven't
received II yet. p o. ClerK-Yes. madam.
Kindly fill in this form and state the ma
ture of your complaint. Lady-Wen if
you must know. it's biliousness!-Puck.
Rastus-Ah done proposed t. Liza Coon
erbout yeah fore yo' married her. Nose
Am dat so? Rastus-Yassah; an All had
NAH rabbits foot on nah pusson at de
time. but she done turned me down. Nose
in dat rabbit foot wild you.-Chicago Daily
News.
First Doctor-This is a most mysterious
case. 1 can't make anything out of IT,
Second poctor-Hasn't the patient any
soandso-Barkerr knows his, own bust
little thing like that.-Puck.
I'm almost sure the Count is in love
with me- excitedly exclaimed the first
heiress. What makes you think so?' in
CURED the other He asked me today
Standard and Times.
she-They say there are germs in kisses.
Now. what do YOU suppose a girl could
catch that way? He-A Observation-Disclosures
delphia Record.
Man Ito boy at roadside)-What time is
it? BoY-Purty near twelve o'clock. Man
1 thought it was more than twelve. Boy
country. Begins at one again.-Judge
The Friendly Critic (after the First
sorry to have to say It, old
chap. but there isn't one good situation in
the whole play. The Leading Man-Oh, I
don't know-Tve got forty-week contract
at 500 per.-Puck.
Tenement Tessie-And de novel says de
heroine had willowy form, used to pine
for her lover and would spruce up when
she seen him coming froo de gate. Shanty
Sue-Gee. where did she work-in a
mill?-Chicago Daily News.
One evening when Tommy, aged 5, was
having his daily bath his nurse was try
ing with small success to scrub his grimy
little knees. After watching her for some
time. he said. patronizingly, Never mind.
Bertha. Don't you know that's the dark
meat, anyway ?'-Harper's Magazine.
1--WE walked many miles to see you. sir
began the tramp, because people told me
you was very kind to poor chaps like me-
Indeed?' said the genial, white-haired
DID man. Are you going back the same
vay?' Yes. sir" "Ah. Well, just con-
radict that rumor as you go, will your
Good morning. milwaukee News.