davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-06-04
THE DIPPING
......OF POLLY

capt. Chester" returned Prout.
Nothing like poor Brundage, though,
he amt"
81 should like to see him." said
Miss Antrim. Perhaps he could tell
me something more about jim"
mot him." responded the mate, has
tily. "He didn't know Jim Brundage,
an, anyways" he added as an after
thought, this here Chester's deaf an
dumb; can't speak a word"
A look of intense surprise ~deepened
on his hearers ~countenance.
Deaf and dumb" she repeated.
"Why, good gracious! how can a deaf
mute be captain of a steamer"
The mates face flushed. ITS this
way" he explained. His uncle's the
main guy of the Sherlock Navigation
Company, an he gave Chester the
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-06-04
MIR. WI on GAMBLING.

After WI Ting Fang had delivered
an address in Chinese to the residents
Of New York's Chinatown on the evils
of gambling, Police Inspector Russell
corralled the minister and naively re-
quested him to suggest an effective
method for closing the gambling
places in Chinatown.
do you give licenses for gambling?"
asked Mr.. WI.
mo certainly not. Gambling Is
against the law" replied the inspec-
tor.
"ThensI guess it's up to you to sup
press It," said Mr.. WI.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-06-04

net fate had thrown around him,
looked up in surprise as Miss Polly
entered and closed the door behind
her with an emphatic slam. That
done, she sat down and surveyed her
quondam sutton with malicious eyes.
Brundage stared back with a sickly
smile, wondering inwardly what her
visit might portend. He was not
left long in doubt.
She suddenly stretched forth a slim,
white hand, and tore the black beard
from his face. Then she set her little
foot upon it and spoke with much
JUNCTION.
What an awful silly you are, Jim
Brundage, to think that you could pull
the wool over my eyes"
The captain wagged his head dis
mally.
"All right, Polly" he said, you've
got me beat. What do you reckon
to do?"
eff l was a man." said the girl,
scornfully, I'D thrash you we'll, but I
suppose | must get satisfaction an.
other way. What hurts me most
isn't your ~falseness, but the idea that
you considered me such a fool. I've
found out all about you, and unless
you want you wife to know every
thing, you'll do as say.
when you passed yourself off as a
single man you showed me your
handbook and calculated that $500
would start us nicely in housekeeping.
Now, when we reach Chicago, Jimmy
dear, you'll 60 straight to the bank,
draw $3.50, and hand it over to me.
Then I'll say good.by and you can
thank your stars for getting off so
easily"
The unmasked conspirator swore
bitterly and protested fervently, but
Miss Polly was adamant and he finally
agreed to her terms. His disclosure
to Mr.. Prout of the conditions upon
which he had surrendered was re-
ceived by that unfeeling seaman with
a hoarse laugh, which was distinctly
aggravating to his commanders trou-
bled mind.
The Arklam lay at the Clark street
dock with Miss Antrim seated in the
captains cabin placidly awaiting his
return from the bank. Beside her
laughed Mr.. William Prout, smoking
the pipe of peace. Brundage entered
with a look of intense gloom over-
shadowing his countenance, and sig
nailed the mate to retire. Miss Polly
waved her hand in dissent.
"stay where you are" she said, ge-
nially. Count out the money, Jim,
and hurry up"
The mate grinned broadly as his
skipper lugged out the well-known
pocketbook, and, signing deeply, hand
ed $3.50 in United States currency to
his female Nemesis. Polly beamed
graciously upon the uncheerful giver.
That's a good boy, Jim," she said.
sweetly, "and now We'll go ashore
happy. By the way, it may interest
you to know that Mr.. Prout and
mean to set up housekeeping on the
strength of your kind gift"
The captains emotion was too deep
for mere words to express. He rose
to his feet, still staring helplessly, as
Miss Antrim, leaning on the arm of
the gratiied mate, tripped merrily
along the gang plank to the wharf.
Copyright, by w. G. Chapman.)
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-06-04

job. He amt much of a sailor, an
all the work falls on me-"
The girl eyed him steadily. "All
the same" she remarked calmly, I'm
bound to see him, for I've made up
my mind to go to Chicago on the
Arklam." 3. ... ...
Mr.. Prout uttered a Mortified ex-
clamation.
Back on the Arklam!" he repeated.
What for?"
ITO visit Jim's grave" responded
the artless Miss Antrim.
IT'S the, least 1 can do under the
circumstances. And it'll be a sort of
consolation to sail on the boat he
used to command, poor fellow"
well, Capt. Chester's ashore just
now" declared the mate, desperately.
"That doesn't matter, I'll see him
later" she said, airily. I'm going
home % to pack my things and get
ready"
Much aghast at this unexpected
turn of fortunes wheel, Mr.. Prout
sought the presence of his chief, who
had prudently remained in seclusion
during Miss Antrim's visit. Capt.
Brundage, resplendent in a false
beard and wig of inky blackness, as
sumed to deceive his lady loves pene-
trating optics in case she insisted
upon a personal interview, received
his officers tidings with a violent ex-
plosion Of highly ornamental pro-
family.
you've bungled the whole business,
you nigger-headed swab!" he said,
~heatedly. What the blue blazes are
we to do now? If that girl ever
lands in Chicago and finds out I'm
alive and have a wife and four kids,
there'l be the devil to pay"
""Tain't my fault" protested the
mate, %sullenly. What business had
you to make love to her? Might
have known there'd be trouble"
II wasn't all to blame. Bill" as
serted the captain. 1T beats all the
shine so many of these girls take to
me. Can't understand why they
do it."
Neither can l." agreed the mate,
savagely. 1T amt your beauty, I'll
swear. Mebbe it's the lies you tell
'em. Some women go daffy over a
slack-mouthed liar"
That's not the point" returned
Brundage, sourly. There's only
one way to square it. We don't
carry passengers as a rule, and she'll
likely be the only one aboard. What
you've got to do now is pass the word
10 the crew to keep their mouths shut,
and I'll keep up this deaf and dumb
racket. She'll never know me In this
rig, specially If I only show up after
dark"
"Apd who's to stand your watches?"
demanded the mate. Think I'm a
blasted horse to be doing the work Of
two men? Anyhow, she'll be put
wise when she reaches Chicago"
well, it'll give me time to think
the matter over" said Brundage,
hopefully. you can stand the day
watches and III come on at night"
Mr.. Prout entered a vigorous pro-
test, but In the end his superior's ar
gument prevailed, and he FASTENED to
give the necessary instructions to the
members Of the crew. True to her
word, Miss Polly Antrim installed her
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-06-04
Relation Of weioht TabIes.

The common standard by which the
relative values of the various weight
tables are compared is the grain,
which for this purpose may be regard.
ed as the unit of weight. The pound
troy and the ~apothecaries' pound have
each 5,760 grains; the pound avoirdu-
pois has 1000 grains. There are scales
used which give weights according to
various systems, but they are not used
to any extent commercially.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-06-04
An Annoyino Error.

There was a very annoying typo
graphical error that crept into the
papers the other day, telling how a
prominent society man had been held
up by h~ighwaymen and robbed of
his watch and other vegetables The
editor has come out with an e~xplana-
ton that the last word was not vege-
tables, but valuables.--Judge.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-06-04
wor. Gu, Robby,s Patience.

. Bobby was on a visit to his unce.
q good old orthodox deacon, In the
country. The two were the best OF
friends, and Bobby always sat at the
deacon's right hand at table.
At dinner that day grace was long,
and Bobby was very hungry. Finally,
in the midst of it mis- patience gave
out; he pounded on the table with his
little fist. Amen, now, Uncle Hor-
ace! Amen!"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-06-04
Large Waterways to Be Constructed.

Russia is contemplating the con.
struction of a huge new waterway
across Siberia, nearly parallel with the
course of the transsiberian railway. 1t
is proposed to connect five great 81.
berian rivers-the Tobol, Ishim, Irish,
OBJ and Yeniessei-and other less i'm
portant streams, by canals or light
railways, and with a view of this the
Russian government has ordered ex-
tensive surveys to be taken.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-06-04
TRUSTING IN THE DOCTOR

clans who, when ill themselves, pre-
fer not to know the exact details Of
their treatment, but choose to leave
these to the attending physicians
without confiding in them"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-06-04
Compromise Summation.

Knicker-Do you think ships should
be commanded by the line or the
staff?
Bocker-Why not have a man who
sxcels in horsemanship?--Judge.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-06-04

Lewis Single Binder Cigar has a rich
taste. Your dealer or Lewis Factory,
Peoria, Ill.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-06-04

The winner is he who gives him
self to his work, body and mind
Chas. Buxton.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-06-04
c FOR SICK WOMEN.

For thirty years Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound, made
from roots and herbs, has been the
standard remedy for female ills,
and has positively cured thousandsof
women who have been troubled with
displacements, inflammation, ulcera-
ton, f1broid tumors, irregularities,
periodic pains, backache, that bear
ing-down feeling, fatulency, indiges-
ton, izziness,ornervousp rostration.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-06-04

Gentleness is NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
Aurelius.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-06-04
LYDIA Z. PlNKHAM'S
VEGETABLE COMPOUND

to conquer all female diseases.
Mrs. Norman r. Barndt, Of Allen
town, Pa, writes:
SEVER since I was sixteen years of
age 1 had suffered from an organic de.
rangement and female weakness; in
consequence I had dreadful headaches
and was extremely nervous My physi-
clan said / must 60 through an opera
ton to get well. A friend told me
about Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound, and l took it and wrote you
for advice, following your directions
carefully, and thanks to you | am to-
day a well woman, and l am telling
all my friends of my experience"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-06-04
NSM


HEN you'll do it, Bill, for
the sake of old times?"
queried Capt. Brundage
anxiously.
YES" said the mate,
''for old times sake and
the rs bucks you prom
Used. Partikerly for the
Is bucks"
The captain eyed him
disdainfully.
"If twas me-" he COM
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-06-04
Revised Homestead Regulations

placed anywhere
attracts and kills
all flies. Neat,
clean. ornamental,
convenient, cheap.
lasts all sea-
o Absolutely
harmless, cannot
spill or tip over,
will not soil or In
ture any thing
Guaranteed efec
tive. or all denlsrss
or sent repuidfoS
Ava RraakIsu- NY
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-06-04
ELPFUL
ADVICE

You won't tell your family doctor
the whole story about your private
illness -y you are too modest. You
need not be afraid to tell Mrs. Pink
ham, at Lynn, Mass, the things you
could not explain to the doctor. Your
letter will be held in the strictestcon-
fdence. From her vast correspond
ence with sick women during the
past thirty years she may have
gained the very knowledge that will
helpyourcase. Such letters as the fol-
lowing, from grateful women, es-
tablish beyond a doubt the poWerof
The Yale expositor., 1908-03-06
HIS LECTURE ON JOB.
Brother Dckey Thinks He Was Over
rated as Patient Man.

81 dunno what dey call Job patient
man fer" said Brother Dickey, "kaze
of all de GROWERS | ever hearn tell on
he sho' wuz de growlinest. But he
sho' did have enough ter make him
growl-dat he did. De devil say:
'Looky yere, Job, you in my power,
now, an l gwine ter 'flict you wild a
few biles.' An Job say: All right;
| kin stan it eff you kim But de biles
commence ter break out so thick an
fas' dat Job say: Looky yere, man,
desc amt no biles-dis de smallpox,
sho' ez you BON An he eetch and
eetch so dat he had ter scratch his
se'f wild a goats head. Den de devil
git in high win and blow down Jobs
house; an dat wuz too much. So oil
Job lif' up his voice an he say:
'Looky yere, bargain fer biles, but
didn't want no harricane th'owed in
fer good measure Atlanta Consti-
tuition.
The Yale expositor., 1908-03-06
CURED HER CHILDREN.
Girls Suffered with Itching Eczema
Baby Had a Tender Skin, Too
Relied on Cuticura Remedies.

Some years ago my three little
girls had very bad form of eczema.
Itching eruptions formed on the backs
of their heads which were simply COW
cred tried almost everything, but
failed. Then my mother recommended
the Cuticura Remedies. | washed my
children's heads with Cuticura Soap
and then applied the wonderful ONT
ment, Cuticura. l did this four or FIVE
times and l can say that they have
been entirely cured. l have another
baby who is so plump that the folds of
skin on his neck were broken and even
bled. ! used Cuticura Soap and Cuti-
cura Ointment and the next morning
the trouble had disappeared. Nine.
Napoleon Duceppe. Al Duluth ST.,
Montreal, Que, May'21, 1907"
The Yale expositor., 1908-03-06

Perhaps he was going to ask her this
very morning, and now she has heard
that wretched story, and his life's hap
piness is gone forever. What a miser-
able cad that Ted Woodward is to
have told"
That afternoon Jean went for a
drive with Gertrude Allen thinking to
drown her haunting misery in a de-
ligl1tful girlish confab.
do you know" said Gertrude as
they turned into the shady elm road.
"I heard the most interesting thing
about that handsome Mr.. lines. His
aunt, the rich one that he brought
here, you know, has disinherited him.
And it's just because he isn't to marry
Miss Mariner. They say he is engaged
to somebody, but the person that told
me did not know 10 whom. Some
quite insignificant girl though. Isn't
Il romantic?"
Jean leaned back while Gertrude
chartered on.
why Jeanl" she exclaimed when at
length she looked at her friend, Are
you ill?"
yes" said Jean, "dreadfully. I
think I'll have to go back. I'm sorry
to spoil your drive, Gertrude"
For three days she steadily refused
all Mr.. lines invitations. They came
now with sinister frequency.
The Yale expositor., 1908-03-06
Billion Dollar Grass.

Most remarkable grass of the century.
Good for three rousing crops annually.
One Iowa farmer on 100 acres sold So
$4,000 worth of seed and had 200 tons of
hay besides. 1t is immense. DO try it,.
For 10c AND THIS NOTICE
send to the John A. Salzer Seed Co, La
Crosse, Wis, to pay postage. etc, ana
they will mail you the only original seed
catalog published in America with sam
pies of Billion Dollar Grass. Macaroai
Wheat, the sly miller mixer. Sanfoin the
dry soil luxuriator. Victoria Rape, the zoe
ton green food producer Silver King
Barley yielding l73 bu. per acre, etc, etc.,
etc.
age of new farm seed never before seen
by you John A. Salzer Seed Co., La
Crosse, Wis X & w.
The Yale expositor., 1908-03-06
Truth and
Quality

appeal to the Well-Informed in every
walk Of life and are essential to permanent
success and crcditable standing. Accor-
ingly, it is not claimed that Syrup of Figs
and Elixir of SIENNA is the only remedy Of
known value, but one Of many reasons
why it is the best Of personal and family
laxatives is the fact that it cleanses,
swcetens and relieves the internal organs
on which it acts without any facilitating
after effects and without having to increase
the quantity from time to time.
II acts pleasantly and naturally and
truly as a laxative, and its component
parts are known to and approved by
physicians, as it is free from all objection
able substances. To get its beneficial
effects always purchase the genuine
manufactured by the California Fig Syrup
Co, only, and for sale by all leading drug
gsts.
The Yale expositor., 1908-03-06
LOST TEMPER WAS COSTLY.
Poet Banker Threw Away and Bought
Back His Own Property.

Edmund Clarence Stedman, the poet
banker, had high temper and was
exceedingly sensitive. One day, exas-
perated by the Grass stupidity of a
servant, he threw a book at his head
The boy ducked and the book sailed
out of the window After it hurried
the mental, but he was too late; a
passerby had picked ii up and walked
of with ii. Stedman began to wonder
what book he had thrown away, and
to his horror discovered that it was
a quaint and rare little volume for
which he had paid $50 His chagrin
was intense, as the work was almost
unique and the prospects of replacing
1t were remote.
Some time asterward, when brows-
ing in a secondhand book shop, our
splenetic poet banker perceived to his
great delight copy of the very book
he had lost. He asked the price. It's
very rare" replied the dealer, but as
you are an old customer I'll let you
have it for $40; nobody else could
have it for less than 500" Stedman
gladly paid the $40, got home with his
treasure as soon as possible, and sat
down to gloat over ii. A card dropped
out Of the leaves. 1t was his own.
Further examination showed that he
had bought back his property. 1t
cured him of casting books at serv-
ants heads.-New York Press.
The Yale expositor., 1908-03-06
REDUCED coLoNIsT RATES.

One-way tickets atspeciallo low rates on
sale daily throughout March and April,
from all points on The North Western
Line to San Francisco, Los Angeles,
Portland and Puget Sound points.
Daily and Personally conducted
tours in tourist sleeping cars via the
Chicago, Union Pacific & North West
ern Line. Double berth only $500
through from Chicago. For full par
ticulars write S. A. Hutchinson. Man
ager, Tourist Dept, PIP Clark ST.. Chi
cago. ILL.,, or address nearest ticket
agent
The Yale expositor., 1908-03-06
The Engagements of Jean
By leila M. Walters
Copyright, by Daily Story Pub. Coz

Jean was listening to her first pro
posal Was there some magic in
first proposal that impelled you to
say yes when you didn't want the man
at all? She closed her lips firmly to
keep the yes from escaping, but that
only increased a hysteric desire to
hasten its utterance. Why did he say
such eloquent and convincing things
about lifelong devotion and service
and awakening a slumbering heart?
She knew he was the sort of man that
would let his wife pick up her own
handkerchief except when there was
company. Besides, she thought indig'
nantly, her heart didn't need awaken
ing.
Please do not say any more, Mr..
Woodward" she interrupted him. 1T
is quite impossible. There-there is
some one else"
but if you are not bound to him"
entreated the sutton.
81 am" said Jean instantly. She
felt that it was the only loophole Of
escape. If ii were closed that wretch
ed lowering yes might be uttered
against her will.
Mr. Woodward arose and bowed.
"Of course, then there is nothing more
to say. / knew Innis had been with
you great deal, but didn't know you
were engaged. l am sorry l have
troubled you. Forget me-" he said in
melo-dramatic tones.
Jean felt as though she was con-
gealing, but she could not collect her
self sufficiently to speak, and the re-
jected one stalked grandly away.
But the elation of a girl with her
first proposal was not for Jean. She
walked up and down the deserted
piazza looking at the world with
tragic eyes.
ooh! how terrible! I've let him
think I'm engaged to Mr. lines, and
there isn't the remotest chance that !
ever will be. Suppose he should hear
of 1t. Oh! / dare say he will. l know
some punishment will come upon me
for such an enormous lie as that"
The one consolation lay in the fact
that Ted Woodward was going home
the next day. And perhaps no compli-
cations would arise in that time.
The next day when Jean was sit
ting in the window-seat reading Mr..
Innes and the beautiful Miss Mariner
came through the hall.
NO" she was saying as she came
within Jeans hearing. I'll not go sail
ing with you. Indeed, Mr.. Innes. If
may speak frankly, do not think an
engaged man ought to pay so much
attention to others"
Jean had horrible moment as she
looked at his astonished face.
Put my fiancee is such a reasonable
girl, you know" Mr.. Innes was saying
with an amused air as they passed
down the steps.
Il know" said Jean to herself, that
he was going to ask her to marry him.
The Yale expositor., 1908-03-06

MISS BESSIE FARRELL 1O11 Third
IVA Ave, Brooklyn, N. Y, is Presi
dent of the Young Peoples Christian
Temperance Association. She writes:
"Peruna is certainly a valuable nerve
and blood remedy, calculated to build
up the broken-down health of WORKOUT
women. / have found by personal ex
perience that it acts as wonderful re
storer of lost strength, assisting the
stomach to assimilate and digest the
food, and building up WORKOUT tissues
In my work l have had occasion to
recommend it freely, especially to
women.
"I know of nothing which is better TO
build up the strength Of a young mother,
In fact, all the ailments peculiar to
women, so / am pleased to give it my
hearty endorsement.
DR.. Hartman has prescribed Peruna
for many thousand women, and he
never fails to receive multitude of
letters like the above, thanking him
for the wonderful benefits received.
Man-a.Iin the Ideal Laxative.
The Yale expositor., 1908-03-06
Cause for Alarm.

A young man had been counting a
girl for nine years. Jennie" he said,
one evening, Il read the other day that
in $4,000 years Niagara falls would
dry up"
Jennie clutched his arm excitedly.
why, what's the matter?" he
asked.
why, you promised to take me
there on our bridal trip. Don't you
think you had better be a little care
full that it does not dry up before we
get there?"
The Yale expositor., 1908-03-06
Prosajc Pa.

katherine" called the old gentle
man from the top of the stairway,
are you still telling that young man
good night in the vestibule?"
Yes, pa" called the fond daugh-
ter.
well, don't you know you are
wasting the light?"
"Oh, what's the difference. II is
love that makes the world go round
Eyes, and 1t also makes the gas
meter go round"
The Yale expositor., 1908-03-06

| had a bad fall and
it affected my kid
neys. Severe pains
in my back and hips
became constant, and
sharp twinges fol-
lowed any eXertion.
The kidney secre-
tions were badly dis
colored | lost flesh
The Yale expositor., 1908-03-06
Where IL BELONGS.

Excuse me-" said the playwright to
his friend who was kissing the piece,
do you think 1t is good form to hiss
my show when ] gave you the ticket
that admitted your"
Certainly" resentfully replied the
friend. IF I'd bought a ticket would
have contented myself by going out
side and swearing at myself.
cess Magazine.
The Yale expositor., 1908-03-06
Give Them Titles2

BY granting titles of nobility to
American men we might stop the
flow of good American money into
the Golfers of titled foreigners who
marry American. girls, but the remedy
would be worse than the disease.
The Yale expositor., 1908-03-06

and grew too weak to work. Though
constantly using medicine | despaired
of. being cured until | began taking
Doan's Kidney Pills. Then relief came
quickly, and in short time was
completely cured. / am now in ex-
cellent health"
Sold by all dealers. so cents a box
Foster-Milburn Co.. Buffalo, n. Y.
The Yale expositor., 1908-03-06
All Beach.

Wilfred was sitting upon his IA
theirs knee watching his mother ar
ranging her hair.
Papa hasn't any Marcel waves like
that" said the father laughingly.
Z Wilfred, looking up at his fathers
bald pate, replied, Nope; no waves;
it's all beach. "-Harpers Weekly.
The Yale expositor., 1908-03-06
Comments.

"Gertie-He tried to kiss me!
Mollie-How impudent!
Gertie-But he was interrupted!
Mollie-How annoying!