davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-07-16
ALL SIGNS FAIL.

You seem to need rain very badly"
YES answered Farmer Corntossel in
a tone CT patient resignation. We've
done our best, but it doesn't do any
good. We've given one Sunday schooi
picnic after another. left the rockin
chairs an hammocks an buggies out
over night an painted all the buildings
fresh. But none of the things that used
to bring rain seem to work any more!
Washington Star.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-07-16
CAUSE OF GIANTISM.

To the Editor Of the Evening Star:
Is there any scientific explanation Of
the condition of men who reach abnor-
NAL h~eight-say seven or eight feet?
A. Fl. NJ.
IA learned Italian doctor says that
giantism is a morbid process-a dis
ease due to an enlargement of a part
of the brain which is endowed with
growth-regulating functions. When
that part of the brain enlarges the
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-07-16

American proficiency in athletic sports is OF recent date. Formerly England
wus the home oft HI athlete and. while outdoor sports we're the recreation of
all English youth, comparatively little attention va paid % them in this coun-
prodigiousy an in the last W years America las sent to thu worlds Olym-
pic games athletes who carried off nearly all the principal prizes They are
repeating that performance in London now.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-07-16
ALWAYS DO.

The Iiar-killer once went out
Fish liars for to STAY.
He slew a few of the lesser crew,
But the biggest ones got away.
Louisville Courier-Journel.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-07-16
FIGHT THE CATERPILLAR PEST.

AS the Shade TeeC Commission was refused by Common Council thu money
necessary % properly carry on its work h commission is unable to grappe|
WIN the caterpillar pest which will soon renew its avage among the shade
trees OF tn city and citizens are appealed to to hght. the pest lin their neigh
borhoods before the cocoons in the trees hatch out their destructive broods. It
acted DO The preservation of the shade trees is certainly worth this public
ensA
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-07-16
VIOLATIONS OF THs BISHOPS LAW.

vesugat by the State Excise Commission in Jersey city an Patterson
shows that in both these cities the Bishops law has been generally violated.
Investigation in III other cnes Of the State will show hat he lay is more or
less violated. If the Governor appointed all the sherifs ant mayors and chiefs
of police, n the detective departments were rn by the mt -saloon League
and highly paid private detective agencies there is little doubt that the law
would b satisfactorily enforced. But that pan of municipal government seems
impracucable, and it is doubtful if thu people would altogether relish 1t.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-07-16
TOO EARLY.

You'll have to pay your subscription
to the paper in advance, hereafter" said
the country editor to the caller.
But I hain't got no vegetables up
yfti' replied the bearded farmer.
=Yonkers Statesman.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-07-16
SPEAKING OF TIDES.

Teacher-Tommie, a you tell me
what erect the moon has on the river!
Tommie-Yes,m; makes 1t moonlight!
Statesman.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-07-16

The Turnip-Old Cauli1ower must be
on his good behavior, he hasn't been
drunk for sometime.
The Carrot-Yes. he swore off and is
living with the watermelons.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-07-16
IN DOUBT.

He-I see there is a sensation in the
picture market, and that there are a
lot of counterfeit pictures being sold.
She-Yes, l read about 1t in the pa
pers, dear.
I'm getting worried"
what about??'
You know the portrait of myself /
had painted a year g inc paid 5 1000
for?"
Yes"
We'll, I'm beginning to think it's not
a portrait of me at all."-Yonkers
Statesman.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-01-21
A Surprise For st. KiIda.

The inhabitants of the lonely isle Of
st. KiIda were astonished one winter
some years ago at the appearance OF a
great blood red. conical object floating
on the wild Atlantic pillows to the
westward of the isle. With much diff
Guilty the derelict was brought to shore.
and as the ST. Kildans had never be-
fore seen such a queer looking thing
and could make no guess as to its pur-
pose or place in the scale Of created
things they INDUCED in wild visions
Of its valuable nature. But when the
factor came across on his yearly visit
from the neighboring but distant is
land of Great Britain he identified it
as great iron buoy which, 1t subse-
quently appeared. had broken away
from its moorings in New York harbor
and drifted in the gulf stream across
the Atlantic. 1t had taken two years
In the massage.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-01-21
A Witty Irish judge

Mr.. Doherty, who was chief justice
of the Irish court of common pleas
from 1890 till his death in 1916, was
famed for his wit The gossip In the
hall of the four courts, which Of course
reached the bench, was that one Of
the judges had been somewhat excited
by wine at an entertainment In Dublin
castle on the previous evening. rs it
true" the chief justice was asked.
that Judge = danced at the castle
ball last night?" "Well,'' replied Do
herty, 81 certainly can say that I saw
him in reel"
"As I came along the quay" remark
ed one of the officers of the court
whose face was remarkably Ratchet
shaped, "the wind was cutting my
face" upon my honor" replied the
chief justice. 81 think the wind had
the worst of it."-London Law Notes.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-01-21
Swiss Naval Wars.

References to the Swiss navy are
usually jocuIar. but it is none the less
a fact that ships of war once foated
and even fought on the waters of the
lake of Geneva. The great feet was
that Of the Duke of Savoy, who at the
beginning of the fourteenth century
maintained a number of war galleSs
armed with rams and protected by
turrets and propelled by crew of
oarsmen varying in number from for
ty to seventy-two These vessels be
sieged versoix and even blockaded
Geneva. But Geneva also had feet
which helped in the capture Of Chilon
In 1886, and when the Bernese an
nexed the canton of Vaud they, too,
had their fotilla. Their largest vessel
was the Great Bear, with "a oarsmen,
8 guns and $50 fighting men.-West-
minister Gazette.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-01-21
s.v.r wond.rs Of n. World.

We have no indication of the exist
ence Of cycle of seven wonders until
about the end Of the second century
B. O. Then appears In an epigram Of
Antipater Of Sidon an enumeration of
seven great works, which prove to be
the very ones later appearing as the
seven wonders They are ~ the walls
Of Babylon, (2) the statue of Zeus at
Olympia, (3) the hanging gardens Of
semiranis at Babylon, az the Colossus
Of Rhodes, o. the pyramids Of Men,
phis, (G the mausoleum of Halicarnas-
sus, % the temple of Diana (Artemis)
at Ephesus. Within the next century
varro, by his leisurely allusion to the
septem opera. betrays that the saying
had already assumed current proven
Dial form Diodorus, In the second
half Of the same century first B. c.,
speaks, too, of ''the SO called seven
works." and Strabo. little later. uses
the very phrase, ''the seven wonders"
From this time on, at least, the septem
miracula have an assured place In all
the common lore of Rome
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-01-21
THERE WAS NO CHARGE.
All the Seats In That Particular
Church Were Free,

All the Seats In That particular
Church Were Free.
At certain church an aged usher
to save the exertion of continually
marching up and down the aisle to con
duct persons to their seats, used to take
a stand in the center of the church and
when any incomers appeared beckon
to them and then conduct them to 9
seat.
The urchins of the neighborhood
knowing his popularity, used to poi
their heads inside the church door ano
mimic his action by reckoning to him
Many times he tried to catch one anc
one Sunday morning nearly did so
But the boy rushed away from the
church and ran into the arms of pc
liceman
what have you been up tor de
manded the policeman.
Thought the boy, I'm caught" bu
he said. "Oh, sir, there's disturbance
at that church. and they have sent me
to fetch policeman"
every good" said the officer. "Tl
slcD Ill anu sec dDOuL
SO he opened the door at the ives
end of the church and. taking of hi'
helmet, entered.
The moment the aged usher saw hin
he beckoned to him and motioned hin
to a seat next an old gentleman.
Immediately he was seated he touch
ed the old gentleman and said, "Comt
quiet"
The old gentleman replied, what d.
you mean?"
Oficer-You know what mean, ant
l don't want no chat. Come quiet or
shall have to take yer by force.
Old Gentleman-I really don't under
stand you.
Oficer-Look here! We don't wan
no more Disturbance You have beer
kicking up quite enough. and I'm goin!
to have you out quick.
By this time the congregation wer
looking at the pair and wondering
what was the matter, so the old gentle
man said: VERY we'll / have no
made any disturbance, but to save an.
I will go with you"
So together, to the wonderment O
the congregation, they marched up tn
aisle.
When they had passed out Of tn
church the usher followed them, an,
the policeman. turning to him. said:
''Now, then, you have to make you
charge"
Charger" said the usher. ether
amt any charge. All the seats ar
| ree."-Detroit News-Tribune.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-01-21
THE CRITICS sHRUG.

A story of an Old Persian Poet and an
Aspiring Shah.
"To be fair" said a noted dramatic
critic sis sometimes hard and cruel,
and sometimes it is rash. You know
there are reprisals. The answering
fair critic often takes up his pen with
the shrug of Omar, the old Persian
poet
"You have heard of Omars shrugi
No? Well, it was eloquent The shah
once had sent for the old poet.
"'Omar.' he said, 4 have written
some verses. Listen, and l will read
them to you
"And he read the verses and, in the
ensuing silence looked at Omar anx-
iously. 'WellY he said.
"'Heaven born said Omar gently,
each to his own calling. Scepter in
hand. you are most wise, just and
powerful. but pen in hand Omar
shook his head and chuckled Heaven
born said he. such verses would dis
grace a nine-year-old schoolboy.'
"His eyes flashing with wrath, the
shah shouted to his guards:
"'To the stables with this old fool
and let him be soundly logged!
"Yet the shah, for all, respected
Omar's Judgment, and when. week
later, another idea for a poem came to
his mind and was feverishly executed
he sent for the fearless and fair critic
again.
"'Another poem, Omar, better
one. I'm sure you'll think it is bet
ter one he said wistfully. And he be
gan to read the second poem to the old
man.
"But in the middle of the reading
Omar turned and started for the door.
"'Where are you goingT said the
shah in amazement
"Omar looked back and shrugged his
shoulders.
"To the stables he answered, for
another dogging. > Denver Repub-
lican.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-01-21
A Year a Speech.

The late Justice Hawkins Of Eng
land was once trying a prisoner for
robbery with violence, and when the
expected verdict of guilty had been
delivered he CURLY sentenced the man
to five years penal servitude.
The prisoner, burly old convict,
was a man of ungovernable temper,
and the severity of the judges SEN
tence so enraged him that he success
fully resisted the warders and indulg.
ed In a perfect torrent of virulent
abuse directed toward the occupant of
the bench.
II make the sentence six years." in
terjected his lordship imperturbably
But even that did not check the mans
mad desire to let Justice Hawkins
know what he thought of him."
II make the sentence seven years.
said the judge, when the convict stop
ped for breath after particularly vile
series of insults.
Then suddenly common sense seem
ed to come to the man. He made as If
to continue his abuse, but pulled him
self up.
eff / don't dry up / s'pose you'll
make 1t lifer," he said resignedly
and followed the warder down the
dock steps without another word.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-01-21
HIS FIRST THOUGHT.

President McKinley's Devotion to His
Invalid Wife.
In the early days of the Spanish war
Mr. Mckinley and Mark Hanna were
engaged in close and serious evening
conference in the presidents room.
The time ran along to the hour of 8.
Suddenly those busy in the outer room
saw President Mckinley rise and leave
the apartment, saying, wait few mo-
ments, Mark" He was gone about
twenty minutes. In the meantime Sen
ator Hanna walked restlessly between
The two rooms, speaking word or two
10 the secretaries and showing plainly
that he shared with the president
feeling of deep anxiety as to the out
come of the military proceedings. He
remarked on the fact of great shortage
of supplies and from his words and
bearing revealed to the assembled few
in that outer room that the president
and his closest advisers were lying
awake nights and working to make up
for the deficiencies of the military stu
alton.
When the president returned he and
Senator Hanna resumed their anxious
consultation. Then the presidents sec
rotary remarked to one who was near
him.
81 suppose you wonder why Presi-
dent Mckinley got up so suddenly and
left without word to any one. You
saw how anxious he was about the
military situation. Even that would
not cause him to break away from
what has come to be the custom of his
early evening.
"About the same time every night,
when he hears a signal from the other
side, he knows that Mrs Mckinley is
ready to retire and wishes to see him.
No matter how busy he may be nor
how deeply engaged in any subject, he
invariably drops everything on the In
slant and goes to their own apart
ments. There he sits by the bedside
and reads a chapter in the Bible to
Mrs. Mckinley. Then he waits few
moments until she Is quiet, tiptoes back
to the door, comes over here to the Of
fee and without a word takes up the
thread of his work and keeps 1t up I'M
til toward midnight. "-Chicago Trib-
rno
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-01-21

Do you use an atomizer In treating
Nasal Catarrh2 If so you will appreciate
Ely's Liquid Cream Balm, the quickest
and surest remedy for this disease. In all
curative properties 1t is identical with the
solid Cream Balm, which is so famous and
so successful in overcoming Catarrh, Hay
Fever and Cold in the head. There is
relief in the first dash of spray upon the
heated air-passages. All druggists 75c.,
including spraying tube, or mailed by
Ely Bros, Sc Warren Street., New York.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-01-21
FLEET ANIMALS.
The Wonderful Speed Developed by the
GREYHOUND.


Greyhound.
: Representa- tons of the greyhound ap-
pear upon sculptures over 5000 years
old. There is no doubt that it Is one
of the very oldest fixed types of dog
and the most universal in its distribu-
ton. India, Arabia, Persia. are among
the countries that for ages past had
the greyhound Lately there was ex-
hibited in England a greyhound from
Afghanistan-a shaggy form suited to
that mountain land. OF course these
dogs are not all exactly greyhounds In
the western sense, but they are essen
TALLY the same in type; they are gaze
hounds" long legged, light built dogs
bred to run their game by sight and
not by scent and to Overtake 1t not by
wearing it down, but by sheer speed
and skill Of running. How this type
was evolved affords much interesting
speculation.
"a greyhound is probably the fastest
creature that moves upon the earth, y
SAYS breeder of those animals. III
is on record that a greyhound beat the
famous race horse Flying Childers. An
absolute trial between horse and grey
hound is difficult to bring off, because
while the horse can be ridden at tor
speed, it is impossible to insure that
the greyhound will run all he can.
But a dog that can start, say, fifty
yards behind a hare and overtake Il
within another fifty. and this is about
what a greyhound does, must surely
be faster than anything else that lives
or has his parallel only among the
birds"
The same writer says of greyhound
coursing: Zone used to hear that II
was a 'pothouse' not 'gentleman's
sport. But have heard men who fol
low both declare that they prefer
coursing to racing, and can quite un
derstand it. In coursing there is the
absolute certainty that all is above
suspicion of anything shady. Every
time a dog is run he is honestly run
! to win or divide the stakes. You can
not pull a greyhound" : Chicago
News.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-01-21

The Office boy in downtown office
has framed up the following schedule
of the firms Office hours, which is dis
played in a prominent place on the
wall: 1910 reserved for book agents
and people with various things to sell,
1911 for insurance agents, HIP bores
with long stories, IL solicitors for
church and charitable institutions, %
discuss sporting news with callers, 80
miscellaneous social visitors. N. b.
we transact our own business at
nieht"-cisyeIand PIain Dealer.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-01-21
A JAPANESE DINNER.
Plenty of Variety, but Too Much Salt
For American PaIates.

FOR American Falates.
1T am afraid you won't like it, said
The young Japanese baron. you in
sisted, though, on real Japanese din
ner. So what was to doY'
They seated themselves, the three
girls and he, upon the green silk cush-
ions placed on a parquetry floor about
a little table foot high. A japanese
servant entered with the tea, and the
Japanese dinner began.
For first course there were sweet bis
cult and tea-delicate tea of the April
harvest, first chop tea, formerly
served with cherry spoons and poem
for each guest
Next came ushio, a salty soup, with
which the national wine, called sake
was served in fat saucers.
The third course was little raw fish
very salty and stepped in sour and
appetizing sauce. The guests, con
trary to their expectation, found the
raw fish no more difficult to eat than
raw oysters. With this course went q
salad of white chrysanthemums.
! The elaborate fourth course consist
| ed of boiled chestnuts and paste OF
sharks fms. quail roasted and hashed
with preserved cherries and crawfsh
with eggs. These viands were all ar
ranged decoratively on one large dish
The fifth course. also on one dish
was boiled bamboo shoots with soy
sailed mushrooms and cold boiled
salmon and cold boiled perch, with
| picked shoots of the ginger plant.
Next came a soup of seaweed, bit
ter, salty, decidedly good; next an as
| sortment of nuts boiled in soy; mex
salt relishes; next delicious boiled
rice, the grains as large as cherries
and, to conclude, tea again.
The young girls as they rose from
their low cushions and limped about
| In the effort to get the stiffness out Of
their legs said that the Japanese din
ner he l been very good. really much
| better than they had counted on, but
perhaps a little too salty for occidental
| taste.-Exchange
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-01-21

To stop that pain in the back, that stiff
ness of the joints and muscles, take Pine
ules They are guaranteed. Don't suffer
from rheumatism, backache, kidney trou-
BILE, when you get 80 days, treatment, for
500. A single dose at bed time proves
their merit. Get them to-day. Sold by
Fl. B. Allen, Mount Holly, F. 8. Hillard,
Vincentown.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-01-21
Hindoo Eirst steps In EnqIish.

A native had been caught at Calcut-
ia scaling the wall OF the premises into
the compound of No. 8, Chowringhi,
dressed in a complete suit of European
clothes. The man had on the previous
evening concealed himself inside
shop and had employed his time TIL
morning in fitting himself with COM
plete suit of clothes, including white
shirt, with studs and links; red tie,
carefully put on; black socks, pair OF
boots, watch and chain, handkerchief
and even a pocketknife. with a straw
hat and stick He even went the
length of writing his name inside the
hat. On being caught he said he want
ed to learn English and as a prelim-
mary step thought it best to dress him
self in sahib's clothes.-Bombay (lndia)
Advocate -
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-01-21
The New Cooks Way.

A new cook was in the kitchen. and
the mistress was trying to be pleased
with the way she served dinner. The
salad was especially unappetizing,
with large. coarse green lettuce leaves
instead of the crisp. white little hearts
the family was accustomed to.
what did you do to the lettuce%
mildly inquired the lady Of the house
after dinner
"Sure, washed it all good" replied
the new cook.
"Dut the small white partH" persist
ed the mistress.
"Oh, the core, We mean. threw it
away, Of course. New York Press.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-01-21

A tombstone unearthed during the
demolition of the old churchyard of
Radnorshire bore curiously unloving
"In Memoriam." Here 1t is:
/ plant these shrubs upon your grave.
dear wife,
That something on this spot may boast
of life.
Shrubs may wither and all earth must
rot;
Shrubs may revive. but you. thank
heaven. will not
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-01-21
Not RESPONSIBLE,

Hold on" said the learned chemist.
didn't give you a bottle of my won
derful tonic that would make you look
twenty years younger"
"You did," replied the patient, land
| took it all. l was then thirty nine,
and now am only nineteen"
"Well, then, will you please settle
this bill you owe me for the treat
! ment2'
"Oh, no! AS am only nineteen now,
/ am a minor, and minors are not held
responsible for the bills they incur.
Good day, sir."-Illustrated Bits.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-01-21

A good cry is solace to many wo-
men. 1t steadies the nerves and, add
ed to cup of tea and an interesting
story. forms their idea of supreme hap
piness. Arising from the perusal Of
their books with red eyes, swelled fea-
lures and a sopping pocket handker-
chief. they feel their time has not been
wasted.-Lady Violet Greville in Lon
don Chronicle.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-01-21

Towne-It's funny. Burrough Is fer
ever preaching to his friends about the
necessity for saving their money
Browne-Well? Towne-Well, he's the
last fellow in the world who should
preach that Browne-Not at all. The
more his friends save the more he has
the chance to borrow.-Chicago Jour
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-01-21
Which Of Them?

A certain two men are possessed of
exactly $4,000.
One buys a modest house for $4,000
a modest business for $4,000 and salts
the remainder of his money away
against a rainy day. The other puts
his entire $4,000 into motor car and
thereby acquires such credit that he
can have house worth $4,000 and be-
come a partner in business paying
100000 a year.
Assuming that both men have wife
and some daughters. which of them
lives to kick himself PUCK.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-01-21
The Only Fault.

Waiter, bring me some rice
pudding. Waiter-Er, 'fraid | can't
jess recommend the rice puddin' today,
sIr. Guest-What's the matter with
it? Waiter-Nothin', sir. 'cePt there
amt nonel-London Scraps.