davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1908-08-05
A Sure Remedy.

A young man who experienced
much trouble in managing head of
hair which manifested an unpleasant
inclination to stand on end, wrote to
weekly paper for = plan by which
his troubles would be at least less
ened.
He was given the following recipe:
"One part molasses. three parts bees
wax. four parts india rubber, four
parts glue, IL raw eggs; boil on a
slow fire for two hours and Is min
utes, and while cooling stir in enough
cod liver oil to make the mixture slab
and good. Apply hot, and while grad
ually cooling pass lawn mower back
and forth over the head"
He didn't take IT.
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1908-08-05
BY Inference.

The magistrate looked severely at
the small, red-faced man who had been
summoned before him, and who re-
turned his gaze without flinching.
so you kicked your landlord down
stairs?" said the magistrate. Did you
imagine that was within the rights
of a tenant?"
I'll bring my lease in and show It to
you" said the little man. growing still
redder, and I'll wager you'll agree
with me that anything they've forgot
ten to prohibit in that lease / had a
right to do the very first good chance
I got."-Youth's Companion.
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1908-08-05
TWO CURES OF ECZEMA
Baby Had Severe Attack-Grandfathe
suffered TORRENTS with IT.
Owe Recovery to Cuticurx.

I'm 1884 my grandson, a babe, had
an attack OF eczema, and after trying
the doctors to the extent OF heavy bills
and an increase OF the disease and suf-
fering. 1 recommended Cuticura and
In a few weeks the child was well. He
rs to-day a strong man and absolutely
free from the disease. A few years
ago contracted eczema. and became
an intense sufferer. A whole winter
passed without once having on shoes,
nearly from the knees to the toes be-
Ing covered with virulent sores. tried
many doctors to no purpose. Then I
procured the Cuticura Remedies and
found immediate Improvement and
hnalcure. NJ. w. LaRue, S45 Seventh ST.,
Louisville, KY. Apr. % and May II, or"
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1908-08-05
Couldn't Foot Him.

A custom house clerk. who. prior
to his entry into Uncle Sans service,
was a schoolteacher "a good many
years yet" as he proudly informs his
associates, was standing on the corner
OF Fifth and Chestnut streets one cold
day last winter, deeply engrossed In
studying legend which appeared on
dairy mans wagon, as follows:
"PasteuriZed milk" etc.
His face wore a puzzled expression,
but finally betraying evidence OF dawn
ing intelligence he remarked to by
stander:
Amt these here Philadelphia milk
men a-gettin' to be just as deceitful
as anything! Pasturized milk, Ell ?
But they can't fool me. cause l lived
in the country, and know you can't
pasture cows in winter"
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1908-08-05
The Useful Reason.

Rev. Sydney Goodman-his Mems
church at Atlantic City, with its smok-
Ing congregations and its moving pic
lures. has already brought out many
imitators-is noted for the brilliancy
and originality OF his sermons.
Even In a begging Sermon" said a
member OF the Mems church, Mr..
Goodman can amuse. He began a re-
cent begging sermon In this manner:
"A deacon said TO the minister's
wife:
why Is your husband always ask
ing for money, money, money?
"The minister's wife sighed:
al suppose II Is because you never
give him any, said she"
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1908-08-05
unpoetlc Feet.

Josselyn was feeling blue. He had
come home from his visit to New
York manager with his drama--"in
rimed hexameters or something like
that" IN his wife's phrase-under his
arm.
As he sat sloomily turning the
pages of his rejected manuscript his
wife fixed her eyes on him somewhat
critically. He looked disheveled and
untidy as well as detected. and shs
could not help noticing 1t. But she
was ready to do the wifely part and
encourage him to fresh efforts.
IF only you would pull up your
socks Bit" she said. You might
easily make q hit."-Youths Com
panion
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1908-08-05
The Grammar Glass

The head mistress of certain pro-
vincial school was ono day examining
few CT her select pupils in grammar.
Stand up, Juan, and make me a
sentence containing the word sci
DOM" she said, pointing to a small
urchin.
Juan paused as II in thought; then,
with a flush OF triumph on his face,
replied: Last week father had FIVE
horses, but yesterday he seldom!"
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1908-08-05
A Mans Tact.

Nobody but Mr.. Henley would have
asked such a question in the first
place.
Miss Farley" he said, "if you
could make yourself over what kind
Of hair and eyes would you have?"
III I could make myself over" said
Miss Farley. Il would look just ex-
actly as / do now"
You would?" exclaimed Henley In
honest surprise. and to this day he
can't understand why Miss Farley
thinks him a man of little taste and
iees tact.
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1908-08-05
Nothino 20 Be Thankful For.

Elizabeth's mother did not teach her
little daughter much that she should
have learned about religion; nor did
the father.
The other day a guest said to the
little girl: elizabeth, does your n.
Their say grace at the tablet"
What grace?" returned the girl in
nocently.
why, thanks for what you have to
eat"
Oh replied Elizabeth, now en-
lightened. I'VE don't have to thank
any one for what we have--we always
pay cash"
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1908-08-05

each bringing new curiosity seekers
from a wider radius TO behold the in.
applicable legend and exercise their
ingenuity upon its Interpretation.
Summer boarders began TO come from
New York and Boston, and tourists
from the south and the fiat, treeless
regions OF the middle west, to whom
the towering peaks and dense, sweet
smelling woods were as inspiring as
they were unfamiliar.
Then, to the amazement OF every.
body, when Abraham Jenkins became
widower for a second time, the lone
ly slab was discovered TO have a com.
panion on the opposite side OF the
family lot. II was thus inscribed:
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1908-08-05
important to Mothera.
The Mean Thjno.

She (eyeing the refreshment booth)
Dearest, while VIC are waiting for
the train, don't you think it would be
good idea TO take something?
He-Yes. darling: and since 1t is
such beautiful moonlight night, let's
take a walk
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1908-08-05

To all who enclose
postage he will re-
ply. telling h ow
Doan's Kidney Pills
cured him after he
had doctored and
had been In two diff
ferent hospitals for
eighteen m on t b 8 ,
suffering Int 9 n s Q
pain In the back,
lameness. twinges
when stoOping or
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1908-08-05
Overlooked.

81 always distrust your judgment for
some reason or other, John"
Yes, and you have reason to; 1t
serves me right"
why. l cannot remember you ever
having done anything to justify such
a distrust."
Have you forgotten that / married
youY'-Houston Post.
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1908-08-05
oppositss Cause and Effect.

"They say that there is more crime
committed I'm hot weather"
Yes; heat seems 20 conduce TO
wickedness"
Now that's strange. that a close at.
mosphere should cause loose princi-
ples"
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1908-08-05

lifting. languor. dizzy spells and rheu-
matism. Before used Doan's Kid
ney Pills." says Mr.. winney. 81
weighed 14S. After taking 10 or IL
boxes / weighed 162 and was com
pletely cured"
Sold by all dealers. 80 cents a box.
FOster-Milburn Co. Buffalo. N. Y.
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1908-08-05
Try Murine Eve Remedv

For Red, Weak, Weary, Watery Eyes.
Murine Doesn't Smart-Soothes Eye Pain.
All Druggists Sell Murine at Scots. The 4s
Page Book in each Pkg. is worth Dollars
in every home. Ask your Druggist.
Murine Eye Remedy Co., Chicago.
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1908-08-05

Work is the grand cure OF all the
maladies and miseries that ever beset
mankind-honest work which you in
tend getting done.-Carlyle.
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1908-08-05
BAD BlUNDER.

Admitting Stranger-what q stun
ming rider! EDO you think abe
would feel hurt II i should toss her .
kiss?
mo, but you might feel hurt, son
N.Y." replied the big stranger Mt big
elbow. That's my wife"
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1908-08-05

Some men decline to look upon the
wine when IL is red because they pre-
fer another color.
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1908-08-05
The Weakening Of Wildwood
Copyright. by shorts,ory Pub. Coz
By Stanley E. johnson

twenty years ago nobody went to
Wildwood, and yet, 20 years ago. its
m9Nntains were as picturesque, its
sunsets as gorgeous, the white moon
light, streaming through the tops OF
Its tall, dark pines, was as glorious
and impressive as to-day. But now,
from An unknown crossroads. It has
become one OF the most noted and i'm
portant places on the White Mountain
map OF summer travel. The little
place that slumbered is bounding with
life. From the first day OF July to the
hrst week OF October. every year.
more baggage Is handled at Wildwood
junction in single day than had en-
tered the township in the whole
course OF its existence prior to its
awakening. And its awakening was
brought about by the great transform
er. Death. This is how IL came to
pass:
In the best room" Of the lonely
hillside farmhouse Of Abraham Jen-
nns-a room seldom opened except to
the minister and book agents-were
assembled. one November day, the
clans OF the Jenkinses and Perkinses,
to attend the funeral of the late Mar
tina Perkins Jenkins, the farmers wife.
A stalwart son, the eldest OF family
OF nine children, had, after Abraham
himself. given voluble testimony to
their high appreciation OF the depart
ed. The leanest OF a covey OF maiden
sisters OF the deceased took the wild
over aside and said: Il only hope she
knows how yer feelln' fer her; II
would be good bit satisfyin' 10 her.
I'm sure. She seq to me once, ser
she. Eff go. know that Abe'll marry
some young thing that never'n tex no
interest in the young ones. and they'll
be left ter shift But we wouldn't do
that, would We. Abe?'
Disregarding this pointed appeal,
Abraham Jenkins cleared his throat
and addressed the assembled COM
pany:
I've jest decided ter tell We, s'long's
yer all here, that I've sort o felt ez
eff I sh'd foller her SOON So I've
bought lot in the graveyard-to be
paid fer in Northumberland when I
die l want yer ter put me by the side
OF Marthy. Then / shell rest in peace.
ing to the maiden sisters OF his la
mented wife, he added: Il know yen
TEX good care o them thar youngsters
that Marthy sot so much store by"
Then he broke down and sobbed wild
ly. "Oh, Marthy, Marthy. why hev ye
gomez
Four months after the funeral an
other Mrs. Abraham Jenkins was in
stalled in the lonely farmhouse. and
she was all that the first Mrs. Jenkins
had foreboded. Young and frisky.
pretty Matilda Brice had attracted
Abraham Jenkins at a Grange socia-
Bile. and his mourning had ceased from
that moment.
That there should be great indigna-
ton among the Jenkinses and more or
less establishment in the community.
at-large was matter of course. but IT
was some months after the wedding
of the vidower before a marble slab
mysteriously appeared in the new
jenkins lot in the village cemetery.
hearing tho fp1Inuino
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1908-08-05

FITS. 81. Wins Dance ana Nervous Diseases pev-
manently cured By Dr. Klines Great Nerve Restorer
Hend for FREE e 90 trial bottle ana treatise DR.
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1908-08-05

The pTettiest flowers IRE not ncces
sarily the most fragrant
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1908-08-05
PROOF FOR rwo 81 RS.
u You Suffer with Your Kidneys and
Back, Write to This Man.

@. w. Winney. Medina, N. Y. in
vites kidney sufferers tn write IN hin,
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1908-08-05

Mrs. Windows Soothing Syrup.
For children teethng sOftcbs the gums reduces IN.
nammation aays pain, cures wind collie CSC bottle
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1908-08-05

The romance of ,3inster is apt to
be one sided
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1908-08-05

He's a regular philanthro-what
DO you call it?"
"Wots he did?"
why, In de last week he's give
away two dozen 'Deadwood Dick an
Q dozen Nickel libraries!"
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1908-08-05

Music isn't necessarily fragmentary
because IL comes in pieces.
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1908-08-05

Use Aliens ootsEaeo
Cures rcd, aching. Swcati1 fecf - Trial
ire. A. y Olmsted, lie ROy NY. P'eA~sS
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1908-11-21

Parkerr sa s,p
 couldn't help. wonderful C whether hIs frieuds called him ''Pot''for Ahort. and the thought made me smile more than would have smiled at . stran- ger if 1t hadn't popped into my head. This seemed to encourage him, which I regretted. because you can see at once by his face that he isn't the kind who needs oncoursgement. It hsome. thing like Mrs. Ess Rays face. only younger, with her square chin and bold blue eyes as pale as hers. Tho likeness Is all the stronger because MT. Parker wears no mustache or beard, and his dark halr, which falls in two straight. thick blocks over his forehead, is parted in the middle. You would know # you. saw him riding q white bear at the north pole that he WAS an American young man. Why or how, I'm not experienced enough in Americans 10. tell, but I'm beginning to think that all American men and all American women have dim sort of family likeness to each other. With the girls, it's their chins and the way they do their hair. But with the men its more mysterious. They look less lazy and more afeverish than our men, yet at the same time more humorous, and their clothes seem always to be new. s .,t
 Mrs. Ess Kay's nose turns down, and her brothers turns up, which is the principal difference in their fea, lures, and his makes him look very impudent. though rather clever and amusing.
 My sister wrote me about your dimples, Lady Betty" said he when I
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1908-11-21

lieves its flashes"
 "Stili. you must hayc said scmethip to the man." remarked Mrs. Ess Kay. k
 sT only said No, but-or 'xees but "-- insisted. Truly and truly nothing else. And oh, there was Bat too, who tried to talk to me"
 Great Scott. the Evening Batw chortled Mir. Parker. Look out for something rich tonight
 Cant he be stopped?"-I asked. ss well try to stop Niqeara with n tn can. The less you sai& the more the Rat will say. But it dcesn't matter. Nobody'll care. Reportsr' n paid by the yard for irnaginatito formation's gone ont though do hdA.t \ you use 1t still on your side"
 was just going tp defend informa' ton CBritish) at the expense of imagi- nation (American), when remembered that the army dude"-which sounds rather like something you might buy at the stores had sent me up an enor- nous bouquet of violets as biz as a, breakfast plate, and that I'd forgotten to thank him. I did so at once, but 1t seemed that I had blundered.
 t"violetsy he echoed Must have been some other fellow. l sent you gardenias."
 "Oh, then the cards got mixed" I said. "I thought the gardenias were from Mir. Dorcmus. How kind of you both. I was so surprised to receive such lovely flowers"
 "Our American buds are surprised when they don't get, them. They would think it cold day when they didn't have slight morning haul of flowers must be out of season ones or they're no use-new novels or candy. What do men over on your side of the wa ter do to convince you girls that they think you're as beautiful as you really are?'
 I thought for minute, and then I said that perhaps we weren't as hard to convince as American girls l don't know whether this was a proper. an- swer or not, but, anyway, Mir. Parker laughed, and then began to plan what we should do for the day.
 Say. let's run her over to Coney Island" he said.
 "Oh, my dear boy!' exclaimed Mrs. Ess Kay. Not for anything. The duchess would have a fi-I mean, she would be horrified.'
 But when l heard that Coney Island was like kind of glorified Margate (which I've never been to, but only heard about, with switchbacks and all sorts of shows. said that mother would consider It a chapter in the llb- eral education of respectable British tourist, and 1t was decided that we should dine there. Mrs. Ess Kay had to do lot of things before she could go on to Newport, so we were to shop all the morning, lunch at Sherry's. rest in the afternoon and spend the evening at Coney Island. Next day we were to go to West Point, where Mir. Parker is stationed, ard stay there all night for a cadet ball.
 l Just as we had got this programme settled, and were making up our minds
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1908-11-21

fn another instant hc uas tn my lap. to go out early, while it was cool" i've should all have been lying about with wet handkerchiefs on our fore heads at home, and there would have been special prayers in church If it to think cool, the butler came inleading by leash perfect angel of dog, n little French bull, with skin satfny as ripe chestnut, and eyes like rosettes of brown velvet, with diamonds shin ing through them. He had on spiky silver collar, fringed on each. edge with white horsehair, and he came trotting into the room with high action of his paws, dainty and proud, like horse that knows he's on show, and his tiny head was cooked on one side as if he were asking us to please ad- mire him and be his friends.
 supposed that the little fellow be. longxd to Mrs. Ess Kay. and that he was being brought in to bid his mis. tress good morning, but she said quite sharply, eWhat dog is thatY
 He's parcel ma'am," said the but Ter Addressed to Lady Betty BuIke- ley, He was left at the door by mes senger boy, and the labels on his col- lar"
 In another instant that little live, warm bundle of brindled satin sewed on to steel wires was in my lap. and it did seem as if he knew that he was mine. The queerest thing was that he had no note with him. On tie label just a luggage label tied to his collar was my name, in strange but very interesting looking hand. and these words besides: .The dog is now found. His name is vivace.,
 Who has sent it to you, Betty?s asked Mrs. Ess Kay. and could see E by her eyes that she was very curious.
 had just answered, "I don't know from Adam" when some words of nv own jumped Into my head. could hear myself saying. T must first find the dog" and then I knew that the giver of viyace wasn't Adam. But luckily l hadn't thought before spoke. so it was no harm to let 1t rest at that and just sat and played with my new toy while Mrs. Ess Kay and her brother iabbered about him excitedly. ITO Be Continued.l -- Try ;6nepocrat Want 2
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1908-11-21
Almost innledtately footmdn came.

Almost tnmledtately q footnadn cdrne. had supported me for hours. But when tasted the stuff in my glass l wasn't disappointed any longer. It had two or three strawberries, some bits of pineapple, and white grape bobbing about on top, and 1t was full of chopped ice. I don't know what 1t was, for nobody mentioned its name, and I was ashamed to ask, lest it might seem too ignorant; but 1t was good. md tasted as if 1t might have . little wine in it, mixed with nzzy water and other things. When | had drunk mine, I felt a differ mt girl; quite merry and so friendly toward Mrs. Ess Kay. had never Thought her such a nice woman laughed at almost everything that she snl Sally said. and said some rather Funny things myself. Suil,- I'm not eurs that ss c regular thing wouldn't tather have tea.
 l..We sat resting ,o- some time. thouRh
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1908-11-21


 t,s eveftng dress. smiled, and I screwed my mouth into prunes and prisms as quickly as l could.
 q should have thought such things were hardly worth writing about" said I.
 My impression is that they re worth about a million dollars an eighth of an inch" he replied, and ! bet they'd fetch that in bear market"
 I began to wish that Mrs. Ess Kay or Sally would come. for I'm not used to having persons who have just intro duced themselves make remarks on my dimples or other features.
 Don't be mad with me-" he went on, 'or I shall think I've estimated them too low. On mature considera- ton. as we soldier chaps say at a court martial. I should be inclined to set them higher, If you'll just show them again. A., ~. "I think, if you don't mind" said l, ''that I'd rather speak of the weather" !" I'm afraid you're not used to Amer icans," said he.
 I've met several, crossing, but none of them talked to me about = such things" replied rather primly.
 "If they had should have chal- lenged them" he retorted. While you're staying with my sister I con- sider myself sort of guardian of yours, and part of my duty will be to keep off men-other men-with stick, you see"
 "No, I don't see," said I. Not that there will be the least necessity for {! you to do anything of the sort"
 !"Oh, won't there? We'll, you just wait till you get to Newport. and you'll find out differently. I've applied for leave on purpose to help Kath pro- tect you, and I expect to put on suit of chain armor under my clothes. But first you're coming to visit me at West Point"
 "I don't think am," l said.
 "Oh, but you are. It's a promise of Kath's. And shan't I be proud to show you around? You shall see Filtration Walk the first thing. It's what the ladies admire the most at the Point. Perhaps you've heard of itf"
 "No." said l. "And I never heard of West Point Is it a suburb of New York"
 Not much. It's our American Sand hurst. But you English people don t know anything about this side. guess, now, you. think that Florida is in South America!" .....7.,
 T haven't thought about 1t yet" I replied.
 That's right. I don't ask anything better than to teach you the geography of the United States. We'll begin with Filtration Walk. But see here. Lady Betty, that rose you've got on isn't a good sample of what we can grow over here. Didn't that maid of, my sisters take you something a little better from met"
 Something much bigger and grand er,' 1 said, feeling loyal to my poor white bud. q was meaning to thank you"
 Don't do that; the things aren't worth 1t I only wanted to know whether that French female had played me false or not. [ But here comes my sister. wish she'd taker longer to do up her back hair. Now I'll give you your wish and talk about the weather Mighty hot day, isn't it Won't you have cocktail? I'd jus finished mine when. you came down.
 "of course Betty will have 2 cock tall We all do, before dinner," sait Mrs. Ess Kay.s.sailing toward us In i, trailing white film of lace. | But Betty didn't have one. though d this moment seseraI little glasses ap
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1908-11-21
By C. N. 6 A. M. WILLIAMSON

cs.v~vn. 1906. ~ necrs,.. rnm.o. ra c.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1908-11-21

Try ;fsnepocrat Want
 knNsN