The Lamar register. [volume] (Lamar, Colo.) 1889-1952, 1908-12-30

Their resolutions
Yes-s-s they will.
The men who drink
Will all renounce
Their booze and rush
To water founts.
They'll cross themselves
And hope to die,
Exhort the country
To go dry.
And join with
Temperance to kill
The liquor traffic
Yes-ss they will.
The men who swear
VIII resolute
To give up Hell" and Damn"
For Shoot"
And oaths like "Piffles"
Fudge" and Dear
Will supersede
Within the year
Such things as What
The-Hotel-Bill?
And "Hell-and-blazes,'
Yes-ss-s they will.
The calendar will change with the
usual wakes for the old year and
greeting for the new. Most OF us will
mediately date our correspondence
1909, but forgetful people like Mr..
Archbold and Mr.. Rockefeller will
continue dating checks 1908.
The old year will be little mourned
by Democrats and coldly greeted by
lions. 1t will find the peace tribunal
at The Hague closed and the house
staff attending the wars in Venezuela
Hayti, Washington and Mrs. Nations S
address in Scotland.
The end Of Leap Year will provoke
Few bachelor regrets,
And the stork will step up like a
And pay his baby bets.
The Roosevelt regime will make
Its plans to go a-gunning,
And lions, hippos and giraffes
VIII practice up at running.
The Romans tried to make March
the first month of the year, but after
about half of the Irish had frozen to
death trying to march on the 11th,
Numa rearranged the calendar as a
merciful concession to that valuable
colony.
January was one of the months de-
vised for that occasion. 1t was named
for Janus, whom the Romans called
the porter of Heaven" He opened
and closed Heaven, kept it nicely
busted, made up the berths. and whei
ever he caught man in there who
was not keeping his newspaper sub
scription paid up, he chased him into
the smoker.
named as this, for Janus was regard
ed by the ancients as the beginning
and the end of all things. He IL
famous for having had a second face
on the back of his head, and resem-
bled Mr.. Hartman coming and Mr..
Lawson going. His temple at Rome
was historic When the empire was
at war its gates were thrown open
and in peace they were closed. This
continued until the time of Augustus
who is said by Prof. Ferrero to have
been the prototype of Mr.. Roosevelt
At any rate, Augustus cast the gates
of the temple into the Tiber and made
it prison for liars, molly-coddles
couples without children. editors. con
gressmen, nature takers, rich male
factors, religious bigots, reactionaries
and undesirable citizens.
The row between the President
And Congress will become
The hottest things since David smash
Goliaths cerebrum.
The outraged House will paw the
earth,
The Senate will get Flip,
The President will rub his fist
Against his upper lip,
The air will be mass OF fur,
And ripping expletives,
And the timid Congressman Will ruf
From there to where he lives.
The air will pulsate with the rusf
of bitter verbal shot, the sports will
bet on whether Ted will take 1t bach
or not. the old men will get ON the
roof and utter their defies, the Presi
dent will show his teeth and bulletir
the lies, a special message now ant
then will heighten the hub-hub. ant
a dozen men a day will Join the An
anias Club.
The Congressmen will blister Ted.