The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-01-27
The Travels of Kid Bernstein

|. One day in mid December Kid Bernstein
took ii into his mind that the money IN
his pocket was becoming superheated. and
he decided TO go on vacation. The va
cation of Kid Bernstein has been a weird
and wonderful thing, but this remarka-
BILE parsonage comes back to Salt Lake in
tact.
When the Kid descended, or perhaps
'tWOuld be more proper to say assembled,
from the train which brought him safely
back to Zion. q great .clamor arose, and
this was continued as the redoubtable Kid
made his way up town. All the kids were
glad to see him.
Hi, Kid said Mrs. Van Patten. the
paper woman. eye had to come back,
didn't ye2'
Bill Henderson. the blind seller, was
glad to see the Kid back again.
GLORY be- said Bill, but If it tain t
the Jew Kid back again. Couldn't you
stick no longer in them chimes of sun
shine?'
And then Kid Bernstein told Bill Hen
derSon all about his trip, which required
two hours, and afterwards he told every
body else about his trip whom he could
find willing to stand hitched.
What Kid Bernstein told Bill Hender-
son went something like this: Say, be
lieve me, Los Angeles is de city of lem
ons and dat fruit seems to be the most
popular in use in California, where l was.
% Overloaded With Money.
Mnen L leaves salt Lake am so IdI
and heavy wild money that pays de
street car conductor two fares to let me
ride to de train because / don't think it's
right for a sport like me to beat my
friend Hartman out of his just jingles. 1
was weighing myself and de wad on de
avoirdupois plan. I note that when
comes back with all dis fat worked off
and my Stats in need of sympathy, dere's
no reduction in de fare in my honor. At
least, 1 am told that by a Teller who rode
an nv q n
testing Mr.. Harriman's gratitude my
self.
well, as I says, 1 leaves Salt Lake wild
that much to de good that | don't know
but what I'd ought to hire a special train
TO carry it. I takes de Limited. Say, guy,
OATS de dope. Don't never let no bloke
tell you that ridin ahead is anything but
a lot of bull. Wen, de Limited and me
gets to Los Angeles all right.
Say l says to guy in dump down
dere, 'dey tells me dat moneys hanging
on trees down here, and I'm here tt pick
some
I'm afraid. says this guinea, dat de
crop has got overripe and fell, needing no
more pickers.
''Dis / finds to be de case. But 1 goes
after de balloon route and stunts like
dat. A guy says to me, DO you know
dere's a race track here? No. l says,
I'm not acquainted wild dat important in
formation until now. Where TSP So he
showed me. We runs into a bunch of
prize fighters out dere and picks horse
OATS a cinch graduated from lead pipe.
When de bunch starts I finds dat my
horse is at de post. and the post don't
move so as you can notice it.
His First Crimp.
Dat was a little crimp, but I am still
to de good-long, you can say. ] tries de
game again next day and then l thinks
it's time for me to take some observations
on Mount Lowe Say, but them railroads
up. dat hill is wonderful all right, except.
| don't see how a guy could hit de hum
mer on it widout getting ground up into
sausage meat for de bow vows by de
cogs. But I'm not worrying about de per-
ills of underground travel, because I'm
dere wild de pasteboard.
Back to de city, ] takes stroll around
Lost Angels and at de chutes | danced
like a bunch of animals. We moved our
feet through a snowpile. By Hec, we
had a swell old time up to dat time
Then l goes to see de fight between
George Memsic and Boer Unholz. l thinks