davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25
10 Animals Reason?

The Washington Herald felt it a duty
n short time since to protest the accuracy
OF Mr.. John Burroughs statement to
the effect th3I animals have no reason
ing powers. While we admitted ar that
time the probable impossibility of de-
veloping such powers I'm even so sagacious
an animal as a dog to the point where
it would he able 70 solve d problem in
analytical geometry, We did contend-and
do now cOntend-that animals are en-
dowed with a reasoning faculty which
stands them in good stead at times, and
to which they may well and fairly point
with pride. so to speak.
A citizen OF Greenfield, Mo, for instance.
comes forward with a pointer pup that
bids fair TO grow in grace as the days 20
by, and develop in time into a creature
extraordinary IN the animal kingdom
This gentleman is famous for his great
hospitality, it seems, and his home. there
fore, is immensely popular with travellers:
especially IS it popular with the various
ministers Of the gospel who ride the
circuits in that somewhat sparselv set
tied section The dog, so its owner
affirms-and surely no man who makes &
speciality of entertaining and caring for
preachers would utter anything less than
the exact truth in this regards able to
distinguish the denomination Of each and
every minister with whom he comes in
contact, Immediately performing some act
infallibly indicating the same.
We regret that the dogs master neglects
to give specific data in reference TO each
and every minister with whom he has
so far come in contact; but the one ex-
hibit Of evidence he does display is re-
markable for its Conclusiveness. anyhow
II appears that every time the Rev. Mr.
Thirdly, Methodist circuit rider for the
community, approaches the house, Bowser
gravely trots 20 the barnyard, captures
a couple Of pulets, and carries them TO
his mistress for preparation for dinner
The Missourian admits that the minis
terial name he gives is fictitious. but ne
sOlemnly AYERS that in not one jot or
little does his story vary otherwise from
the exact truth; and he declares that
the dog has performed this particular feat
not once alone. but many times: at no
time, however, save when the Methodist
minister was the guest in hand
Now the dog, obviously, is not familiar
with the funny papers. or intimately ac-
quainted with the ribald testers Of the
city who write of the alleged predilection
for fried chicken supposedly latent within
the heart of every Methodist minister, if
not actually fully developed and rampant.
Nobody could have given him a straight
tip in this matter; save by some mental
process of his own alone could he ever
have arrived at the conclusion that fried
chicken is the Methodist circuit riders
affinity-his one and never-ending joy.
And yet we have the word of this Ms
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25
O'SWAT HURRIES HOME
Hughes Announcement Alters
Schenectady Mans Plans.
La Toilette the Unanimous Choies Of
Wisconsin for the Presidency

Tt1tt '"AlNN s'A''a ltHET
Milwaukee. Wis. Jan. 2i-wiscon-
sin is solidly supporting Robert M.
La Toilette for President. Having
gone over the field carefully. / AN
prepared 20 vouch for this state
ment. a visit to Necsdah. where I
was the guest Of Hon. Joseph Weeks
Babcock. who went out Of Congress
right, confirms ms view. All the old
sores are healing. La Toilette is the
Man Of the Hour.
O'Diman Swat. Of Schenectady.
who Is booming Cannon and Hughes
as the Republican ticket. arrived at
Madison on Tuesday, but remained
only two hours. A telegram awaited
him. aud he took the next train
hack 10 New YORK. The announce
ment Of Hughes candidacy for first
place n0nplussed him. lie showed It
plainly. As he walked up and down
the station platform he was visibly
disturbed. I had difficulty getting
an expression from him. bat he
finally said
Il must be frank with you and
confess I am surprised. lt is an un-
expected move on the part Of Mr..
Hughes. Il upsets my plans-puts
me all at sea for the m0meut-but
everything will work out all right.
He Is an unseaS0npd man-able.
mind you. but unseasoned. A soar
ing ambition has temporarily seized
and overcome him. From Albany to
the White House Is too great a
jump He must be content with
second place for four years. Did not
Roosevelt have 10 take It. Is Hughes
greater than Rooseyeltf No. a thou
sand times no. At least not yet.
Tell The Big Stick that my prophecy
stands. Cannon and Hughes will he
the ticket No manipulation can pre-
vent IL"
And so saying, O'Dignan Swat
swung aboard the limited. bound for
the East. n. q. NJ
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25
A LITERARY EXERCISE.

One Of the cleYerest Of the stu
dents at Georgetown University i'm
his examination in English Thought
that il would be easy TO better some
OF the masterpieces OF English nc
hUn lie chose a well-moun and
highly popular ditty, as follows
Sing a song Of sixpcncc. pocket full
Of rye.
Four and twenty blsckbirds baked IN
a pie
When the pie was opened the birds
began TO sing.
Wasn't that a dainty dish 10 set
before the King.
The student then proceeded 10
show how it would have been writ
ten by
MIR. HENRY JAMES.
4 song Of siXpence; not but that.
in these days. We have long since
ceased-as, indeed, being loyal Amer
icans-it was fitting that we should
10 use the word pence as designat-
ing any fraction Of 0ur decimal cur
rency, but, nevertheless, such was
the song whose first lines. mingled
with a quaint and almost n0nunder-
standable locution a pocket full OF
I'VE probably an aphorism from
some mid England legend - hardly
makes, whatever the poet intended.
that clear and Unmistakable sense
which should. primarily, be the chief
est-as IL is the most laudsble aim
Of the ballad singer of whatever ma
tionslity, Birds -Four and twenty.
or, as the arithmetician might say.
having an eys 90 the eXactness Of
his so-called science, two dozen Of
them were naked within a pie. Here.
OF course. the poet indulges in dra-
matte liceAse. for it Is a we'll known
fact. hardly 20 he disputed even by
the pSeudo-scientist, that baked birds
cannot nv. BE that as it may, such
a dish was set before the king. who.
as he saw the birds, singing. tiy
away. could hardly have thought
that speh an incident W miraculous,
but at the same time so plebeian,
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25

should serve as a matter Of specula-
tion for the historical investigator.
with whom. most m0destly. I decline
to be elassed, being but simple
man. and should, perhaps, in spite
Of all cur labor, battle us with its
haunting mystery through ages yet
TO come.
MIR. RUDYARD KIPLING.
Why do they sing Of sixpences 90
said Files-On- Parade.
And also p0CketfUIs Of rye. the
Color Sergeant said.
There were four and twenty birds
of black, said Fies-on-PaTade
And in a pie they have been
baked, the Color Sergeant
said
For they're setting it before the
kiag-a dainty dish, ] say,
He'll cut the pie, hen cut the pie.
and they'll all fly away.
They're all half-baked. but they can
sing -slack and well-s-d -day,
ana tneA IL sing song OF lNpence
IN the morning.
ALFRED LORD TENNYSON.
Comrades, leave me here a little,
while the moon Is in the sky;
While | sing a song Of sixpence and
a pocketful Of rye.
lis the place. and all around it
can hear the churchbells cry
of the four and twenty blackbirds
that were baked within a pie.
Alas, the pie was opened; hear the
truth the poets sing:
Flew the birds, ah. what lemon
pie To set before a king.
But 50 the tale goes. 50 the song
goes; tale and song of elder
day.
Better four and twenty blackbirds
than a Cycle Of Cathay.
This was all. The Professor Of
Literature marked the student minus
q and hereafter he will let classical
nursery rhymes severely alone.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25

man from Pennsylvania the latter year
He succeeded Hon. j. Donald Cameron In
the United States Senate and was re-
elected IN 1903 by the full Republican vote
OF the legislature
lie is chairman Of the Committee on
Post-ofIices and Post-roads and a men,
Der of the important committees on com
merce, finance, education and labor, i'm
migration. and naval affairs.
In speaking OF finance banks and the
money question in general. the Senator
repeated a story told him about one OF
his celtic ward politicians.
On presenting a check for payment at
a bank in Philadelphia. the cashier very
properly told the Irishman that he would
have 10 be identified before payment
could be made. The man said
"Begorra. that's aisy." and pulling a
picture out of his pocket continued
Here is a photograph I had took lasht
week yed know me anywhere by it"
John Wesley Gaines IS one OF the men,
bers Of Congress who is always on the
job. lie and John Garner Of Texas, are
two members who can be found In their
seats when there is something going on.
But is Gaines whose name appears with
greatest regularity in the Congressional
Record
He has a way Of putting pertinent ques-
tloHs Not all are UnansWerable. how
ever. And sometimes he overlo0ks a point
However. John Wesley is popular on
the minority side Visitors In the gal
leries might think from the way he YER
EaIly charges the ranks OF the Payne
Dalzeu forces that he was not even on
speaking terms. but it is a mistake.
On the floor Of the House. policies must
be observed. but political s0lecisms don't
count before the gaveI falls AZ noon. Re
Gently. a hot debate between John Wesley
and DalzeU. Of Pennsylvania. grew so
caloric that visitors saw sparks. They
imagined that John Wesley was so mad
he would never get over IL. but he has
Just before the opening yesterday DE
was in close hr0therly conference with
Mr. DalzrU and Gen. Keifer the two
members who take the most delight in
hluruing the barhs Of the Gaines arrows
well. what are we going 90 do to-
day?' he asked Mr. DalzeU.
Nothing ! guess" replied the sphinx
Ike statesman from Pennsylvania.
"As usual" retorted Gaines, but dis
guising the sting with a smile
Then they ali locked arms and walked
away
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25
.=@5 IVA: THE BIG STICK &C.. &C
l. CENTS
BY YE LOCAL SCRIBE.

Frank Bennett is in town and
owns the town.
Our friend ". J. Bran. of Lin
coin, is scheduled 10 arrive to-day.
Welcome, brother
A grand n0rlartisan rally and
barbecue viii be pulled Of st the
Willard House this p. m. late.
We hear that there wss quite a
gathering OF our leading citizens az
Nades last evening. Genial J..
Sharpe Henry vas the guest Of
honor.
Since his defeat for that railroad
presidency. ". Loeb. jr, threatens
30 spring a court journal upon this
long suffering public, He's got a
bad disposition.
The Hen. j. G. H00e. OF Smokers
Gap, Va, again called al our sane
tm this week Purely a social cali.
He said he didnt want us 20 think
he called simply 10 get his name in
the paper. We don't. but we feel
that be is entitled TO this small
mention.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25

She is a literary woman and all her
friends were discussing Three Weeks. %
She had not read II, and feeling out Of
1T she got copy.
For heavens sake. what did you get
that wretched thing for?" asked her hus-
band. when she brought it home That
books not fit for any respectable woman
to read"
The literary lady read the first chapter
I'm the bathroom. the second in the
kitchen; all the time in fear and trem-
bling Then she got an idea. Moral hus-
band was in the library. reading with
Cannon III the Tropics" She got copy
of The Weavers' and tore the cover
off She did the same with the red cover
OF Three Weeks" Then she took the
revised The Weayers' into the library
and had a nice time.
Her husband noticed her interest
DO you care for that story, The
Weavers?" he asked. IT couldn't wade
through it"
Il think its rather good, she said.
It's only the fable of the iackdaw In
the peacock's feathers brought up TO suit
modern requirements
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25

pensive carnatlon ever sold, just so that
\ might be named after him; reared some
extraordinary bulldogs; driven some re
markable trotting horses. What he has
ever done that is of real use in the world
has yet 10 be discovered. lie has worked
always with money and promises; he tells
us that he has lost some money, he has
confessed how little his promises were
worth. 1t is not for others TO condemn
him; he condemns himself in his blatant
self-sufficiency. out Of his own mouth. It
is sincerely to be hoped that there is
nothing left to Thomas w. Lawson. of
Boston, but silence,
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25

nBr esteemed townsman. Gen.
George a. Harries. Is looking right
we'll and feeling night well, thank
gGU
Duiahau's CWrs are missing from
this issue. as the author has been
too busy 90 have any bright
thoughts.
Juds0u Harmon is looking after
bis fences d bat iu this quarter.
Reports Democratic prospect in Ohio
first class.
The Hon. Martin Madden hasn't
yet CIt down the price Of gas, OUT
says it's bound To come. Better late
than never.
II IS um0red that Coolidge 5
Floating Florence" is about TO be
barred from the Library Of Congress.
Whyy We ask. Samuel G.. Blythe
expresses our sentiments when he
SAYS this burg sometimes seems TO
De- fBll Of prudes. Some folks don
know what literature Is. What's the
use Of authoring any way, If man )
best work Is 70 be treated like thatl
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25
How IL Might Turn Out.

From the Springfield Republican
Messrs. W. E. Chandler and William
Pitt Kellogg tell the Southern Republi-
can brethren that if they permit the
Southern delegates TO be rounded up sol
idly for any particular candidate. that
candidate in case he is nominated will
be defeated in November and a Democrat
will be the next President. It might turn
ont that WaN
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25
VOL. |. NO. IS.
EVERY SATURDAY.
Our Motto; II you see it in The Biz
Stck, 1, ism { necessarily so.
CHEER UP!

All If MS ought 20 be 0ptimists now
that everybody has money and prices
Of all commodities are low. As the
poet Coolidge has said
Rot. TOT. rot. on the cold and
vhiteWashed banks,
FoT Che smell Of fish
Through the covered dish
Would raise Maurice Low from the
ranks
Tie ruth about life is that We
must live. Try a. we must To avoid
all ills. tail1r5' bills must he paid
and shoes must be shined. Why
should we brave, strong. vir.le men
care If the gT0Cer's children are
staying3 Your true optimist viii
continue 20 bus bis higb-balls
though the Heavens fail. Was IL
not Socrates who said
''Je suis sayoir faire sil v0us plait. d"
II was not But what Of that, he
would have said it had French been
invented in those days. All. those
good old days. Is not there a
thought that should make US stand
mp straight and look the bartender
smilingly and unafrsid between the
eyes2 Those good old days Of brave
endeav0r and lofty impulse. when
men only washed their facts once a
week and ladies ate peas with their
knives. because forks had not come
into use Looking back on those
times can We not see, with hope,
and through A misty maze Of alb
sinthe frappe thst We are better Of
now than our ancestors were! Much
better of-for, alas. our ancestors
are dead.
Is not that a thought to give us
hope and courage and happiness
that though the worm dieth not and
the dead shall not rise. salary day
viii come again once mCTe2
"Scc, there he comes;
Pale yellow envelopes within his
hand,
And one Of these is handed out to
me.
Oh, hopel Oh. ioyl
Perhaps. at last. the board d-bill viii
be paid.
But now ] open IL. and I behold
A sheaf Of papers bearing figures
strange:
50 much on Monday drawn:
On Tuesday. ten; on other days are
other sums set down.
So now. at last,
While pale landlsdies enaw at their
nails and wait.
II have nothing left mt /. Q.
Us"
And so. It seems to The Opiimist.
that IL doesn't much matter whether
it rains or not. whether ths sun
shines or the clouds hang low-sal-
ary day may come and 90. but still
It behooyes us to keep on grinding.
doing the best We can; doing every
body we eau and clingng sturdiIy
20 hoDe-fOnd hope. the only thing
we can purchase with the salary that
Is gone! o. B. CHEERFUL.
Road RiurrfJIa RroTs a., ,,,-y-,z,rr
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25
Youth and Age.

The old men in the valley and the young men on
the bill,
The bugles calling "FoIlew while the echoes
shout. I'VE wii!'-
The gray, grave. shadowy army in the dusky dells
Cf rest.
The bright brave morning spirits on the mountain
dewv cres-;
The dreaming. streaming river in the meadows soft
and sweet.
The leaping. sweeping fountain at the cascade
ripping feet.
Gray visions in the yalley-but against the sunrise
sky
An army Of the roses on auroral wing goes BY!
-Baltmore Sun
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25
II Bryan should he Rejected.

From the Houston Post.
However. should the party in its wis
dom see fit 10 choose as Its standard
bearer another than Mr.. Bryan. the 'in-
terests' that are opposing the latter may
depend on il, the choice viii rest upon a
Democrat equally strong before the
masses and who. If elected. would be not
one whit less energetic in waEing a re-
lentless warfare upon unlawful interests
that have grown rich and powerful
through the enjoyment Of special privi-
Ieges and immuuities at the hands Of the
government
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25

in the schools oi
Philadelphia, later go
ing TO Harvard, and
graduating in 1881.
He studied law with
Hon. Wayne Nc
Veagh who was At
toruey General under
President Garfield. He
was later elected Il
the Penn ylvania a
house Of representa-
tiyes and the State
senate. serving as
president pro tempOre
Of the senate for two
sessions.
Senator PenrOse wa S
"a delegate TO the Re
publican national con-
ventions Of 1890 and
1904, and was elected
national committee.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25
A Reversal of Form

From the New YORK sun
In one sense how much more appro-
pirate it would be. how much more closely
in harmony with their respective physical
endowments, if the lean and agile Hughes
were in vigorous pursuit of the delegates.
and Judge Taft were sitting TRANQUILITY
and waiting calmly for the delegates TO
come to him
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25
japanese Politics

From the New York Tribune.
Honorable opposition in Japan Diet
rallies all its distinguished strength and
comes within nine votes of knocking
honorable government into illustrious
cooked hat. But honorable miss is good
as eminent and renowned mile.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25
THEATRICAL NOTE

1t was IN the ShOTcham cafe. A
merry party saw Mr.. Henry Miller,
the actor, enter. BE it known that
since he was last here Mr.. Miller
has increased greatly in avoirdupois.
He is-not 10 put too fine a point
on it-fati As he passed the merry
party one Of them quoted Tenny-
SON
I see the wealthy Miller yet.
His double chin. his p0rtly size.
Luckily the player did not oycr-
hear him!
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25
AnecdOtnI.

Marshall Field. JAY Could, and Potter
Palmer habiually carried only small
amounts in their pockets, said the man
who has a taste for the odd.
We'll" responded his friend when 1
am gone, you can truthfully say the same
about me. -
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25

sourian, this highly respected citizen,
whose home is the abiding place Of the
best and noblest men of his neighbor-
hood, that the dog does know the truth,
and, knowing. acts upon il!
Far be it from us TO seek to unraveI
the whichness and the whatness Of this
matter. We do not undertake to reason
why; we content ourselves with a con-
temptation sof the facts in the case, and
let il go at that. Our point is, the dog
knows; has reasoned it out along his
own peculiar lines of mental procedure.
And 10 the isolated but firm conviction
that animals do reason, we hereby renew
and TeTegiSter our faith. 1t is the ulti-
mate goal toward which We shaped our
course in the beginning. We leave the
more subtle psychological aspect TO those
who care for that sort of thing
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25
A LITTLE NONSENSE.



The jokes have all been written, and ! am
much afraid
That wit, indeed.
Has gone to seed
The jests have all been made
The jokes have al been written when all
is said and done
And we opine
No thread too fine
To hang quip upon.
The jokes have all been written; the best
that we can do
Is 10 Tevamp
Or change the stamp.
No jokes are really new.
The jokes have an been written when all
is done and said
We twist and turn
Old gags To earn
our daily ale and bread
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25
All a FroIic. So Far.

From the Atlanta Constitution.
It was not "bIow-up' for the fleet: It
is one long. garlanded. glorious. hilarious
blowout"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25

There is Ruef and Schlhtz, Of course,
and Pennsylvania is about 10 erect a
handsome statue 10 the memory of Mat
thew Stanley Quay; but it is to be hoped
that young America will not gather from
these things that there is necessarily ex-
cessive virtue i'm shaking the plum tree
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25

In the Boston Transcript We read where
the President designates all parties who
intimate that there has been any use Of
Federal patronage on Mr.. Tafrs behalf
liars" This addition Of the United
States Senate 10 the Ananias Club should
tend TO elevate the average membership
conslderah hIv
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25
Getting IL All.

What can / bring you to-day. sir?"
II hardly know. The doctor says
need carbohydrates and proteids, and ]
want something heterogeneous. ] think"
''Yessir How about az order OF hashg
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25
CAPITOL GOSSIP.

Senator Boise Penrose. Of Pennsylvania,
though only in his forty-eighth year, has
figured in State and national politics one
half his life. His early education was
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25
4 Careful Girl.

Would she love me If 7 were penni-
less2' fsltered the young man who was
about 20 risk his worldly all
She might answered his wise friend
But no one would ever know 10, my
boy"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25
Things Vary.

Luck varies I'm the rhyming ranks.
As Thymesters find
Some poems are declined with thanks,
Some just declined
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25

Poor. misguided but butt-headed MT.
Bryan, He seems determined 10 get him
self nominated and defeated. in spite of
the woe il will bring unto some news
papers that expect 20 support the Repub-
lican nominee anyhow.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25

In view Of the war talk that is going
around just al present. it is comforting
10 remember that talk is cheap, SAYS
the Baltimore American. We are begin
ming to have our doubts about that old
adage concerning the Cheapness OF talk,
one Congressman figured that anotAer
Congressman consumed $4,000 worth Of
time recently, making a speech on the
floor OF the House on nothing in particu-
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25

"Hoke Smith getting swaybacked." says
the Charleston News and Courier We
have been expecting % hear something
OF the kind ever since we learned that
"the mantle OF Moses had fallen upon
him
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25

The Rome (GaD Tribune-HeraId thinks
the prohibition-in-Georgia joke has about
played out. So far as we in Washing
ton are concerned We have 10 make hay
while the sun shines. no telling when the
joke may he on us. you know.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25
Not the Master Ker.

From the Boston Herald.
Evidently Mr. Bryan's key doesn't fit
the Kentucky Senatorial deadlock.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25

Never lend a friend money advises
Mr.. John u. Rockefeller, jr. Mr.. Rocke-
feller is one of the few men in this world
who can afford TO advocate such a doe
trine right out IN meeting
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25

Cheer up, Winter was so slow about ii
that all the beautiful snow poets have
probably either been starved out by now
or are at work on some good job some
where
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25
His Experience.

rs it sharp 10 ADVERTISE"
II think so. I know it's dull II you
DON'T
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25

An exchange calls attention 10 the
fact that a great many historic ruins
of Europe are being bought by American
heiTegseS. SAYS the Richmond News
Leader Hardly correct 10 call them
historic notorious" would be more
in keeping with the facts.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25
knew His Advantage.

why not set your cap for that young
fellow? He's single and Well on
Yes. he's single; but he knows he's
well off
The Washington herald., 1908-01-25
Sordtd Hub.

Hubby 7 had a beautiful dream last
night ! dreamed you gave me fifty dol
lars
Did J? Loan me a quarter old girl"