Ladysmith news-budget. [volume] (Ladysmith, Rusk County, Wis.) 1907-1927, 1908-07-02


July was named for julius Caesar
by Mark Antony. Mark was Gaze
sar's protege. His career was very
| much like that of Mr.. Taft Caesar
liked him, and whenever he came
around the great dictator would
slap him on the back with some such
exclamation as Mark, | will make
you tribune!" He kept his word,
too, and always delivered the goods
to Mark at the Roman conventions.
Mark made the funeral grafton for
Caesar, and he stirred up the Roman
populace until it wrecked the base
ball park looking for Brutus and the
rest of the Malta. He was also the
originator of the affinity idea. His
affinity was Cleopatra, and every
time he returned from Egypt, his
wife and his mother-in-l law met him
at the dock with q set of golf clubs.
He eventually became the virtual
ruler of Egypt, instituted local option
and other reforms, barged with the
queen upon the moonlit Nile, and
killed himself while he was happy,
knowing it couldn't last.
The bill sent in by Teddy's side
For services to date,
Has been received and duly filed
Till we can liquidate;
About the third the household bills
Will all come down the line,
But the Democratic party will
Not render us its White House Bill
Until July the nine.
July the Fourth will dawn again,
diverting circumstance, and the bub-
bling boy will light his punk before
he finds his pants. He'll roll down
stairs with screams of JOY, contem-
tuous of hurt, and start the battle
when he burns the tail off of his shirt.
The youthful cannoneer will charge
his powder by the pound, and while
he does it many kids will boldly
crowd around. He'll light the fuse,
and they will skip; but when they
fail to get the proper thrill they'll go
to see if it is lighted yet. loud ker-
bang Ca scurvy thing a cannon some
times does and the angels looking
down will sigh, "By hoky-poke, it
was!'
When England and her tyrant king
Got too almighty skittish,
The angry patriots turned out
And blew up all the British;
| And when the Fourth comes round again,
With one to forbid it,
| We all blow another up
To show them how we did it.
On the 22d the sun will enter the
Zodiacal sign of Leo the Lion. This
will make Mr.. Roosevelt roar, and
mollycOddles, nature takers, r C b
malefactOrs, reactionaries and liars
will take to their holes. Sea lions
will terrify the young navy recruit,
and labor will knock off every TWEEN
ty minutes and rush the GROWER
Boys born under Leo make good
harvest hands and want S. a day.
| They have keen sense of smell, and
start for the house before the meals
are half cooked. They roar upon
very slight provocation, never pay
their bill until the gas is shut off, and
generally get the lions share of an
estate if appointed administrator.
The music of the binder will
| Be heard across the mere,
| And the water boy will hunt the shade
| And sweetly pound his ear,
The States that voted dry will pant
Ard the boozers will defy
| The foe to take another vote
In August or July.
The wife and children will resort
where they can swim and sail, and
they'll write for money every time
the boat takes out the mail. They'll
keep poor Papa, Shaving man, a-dig.
ging in his jeans, and while they're
eating pompano, he'll make out on
sardines. They'll also live on noun.
tain trout, and muskelonge a
croaker, and Pa will try to pay fol
it with what he wins at poker. Hell
cheat like Bret Harte's Chinaman
and when he shall beseech forgive
ness down upon his knees and HEAVIER
seems out of reach, his plea shall be
"Forgive me, Lord, my folks are al
the beach,"
| And Helie dear will honeymoon
With Anna his to hold,
And he will sigh, Ma chere you
Are worth your weight in gold"
Whereat she'll say, while kissing him
Beneath her broad brmmed hat,
But dear, don't weigh what did
| When Boni told me that
And then hot August will return
, and ohm d. get in line and pay his
twelfth installment on that thirty
, million fine.
Widening His Field of Labor.
why did you send that man Grafton
Grabb to- congress?'
WELL answered Farmer Corntos
sci, I'VE kind O thought it d be
cheaper to turn him loose on the ma
tional government instead of encourag
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