davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21
NEVER SAW THE JOKE.
(NeW YORK Tribune.l

W. Z. D. Stokes. the New York cap
italist, was laughing at a dinner over the
way he had hOaXed certain naturalists.
Now that they know / hoaxed them"
said Mr.. Stokes, they are vexed and
disappointed. Eth? Disguised with them
selves, don't you think? Like the Yonkers
woman.
"A Yonkers woman upbraided her hus-
band because, Notwithstanding a New
Years resolution to drop the club. he
put on his hat one night and said he
would not return until late.
4" The club again, en-? What OF your
resolution? oh, George, you have no sta
bility. You are a very reed in the wind.
Shame on you, sir
so the woman went on but her hus-
band shrugged his shoulders sulkily and
trudged out of the room
she resolved TO wait up for him. She
sat by the radiator with q book until
o'clock in the morning. 1t was dull,
chilly work. The book was stupid. and
the fire burned low. At last she gave
in and went drowsily upstairs TO bed.
There, snoring like a hurricane, her
husband lay. He had changed his mind
about going out and had gone to bed
early instead.
THE woman, as she looked at him,
was, like the naturalsts, rather disguised,
eh?'
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21
BASEBALL AND RACING.

The attendance on the so-called big
league" baseball games this season has
been greater than ever before in the
history of the national sport. 1t is no
unusual occurrence for 10000 people to
witness a ball game IN one OF the large
eastern cities on Saturday afternoon,
and the Sunday attendance often ex-
eeeds those figures. The attendance
on the races in New York state has
dwindled 10 almost nothing. except
when some we'll known classic event
was to be run, since the passage of the
anti-race track gambling bills.
Why is baseball SO popular? 1t is in
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21
Mar. SHERMAN.

Representative Sherman Of New York
was nominated for the VII presidency
because the delegates believed it was
necessary TO have a man from his state
on the ticket. If the New York dele
CATION had agreed on any other man,
1t was not a question of ability or OF
popularity, but of geography, pure and
simple. Mr.. Sherman is neither a big
man nor an able man. BY reason of
his long service in the house he has
been advanced to a position on the
committee on rules, which governs that
body. The best that is fellow Repub-
Iicans can say of him is that he STAYS
put" In the local Republican organ
We find this description:
James, you know, is trusty Jim. All
the boys in the house OF representatives
are for him because he is for all the
boys. James is what you might call
safe and sane, easy driving, thorough
ly housebroken statesman. He is not
much on the initiative, but if you mi
tiate for him, give him his orders, he
will carry them out or break a trace.
Jim is not a captain of tie ship. He
is the navigator. Tell him where TO
60 and he will go there. He will ask
no questions; he will brook no inter
ference. orders are orders to him.
He will never anticipated; he will never
suggest But, if you 1--WE him the
chart. he will sail to the point indi-
Gated by the cross in red ink. or he will
go down in the attempt"
Now we submit that Mr.. Sherman is
not OF the caliber of which presidents
are made, and no man who is not fit
to be president is fit 10 be vice presi-
dent. AS we pointed out a day or two
ago, the vice president may at any time
be called upon 10 assume the duties of
the chief magistracy. He should be a
big, strong, fearless man. one with mi
tiative. one in whom the people of the
country have confidence.
Mr.. Sherman is classed as a radical
stand-patter on the tariff. His nomi-
nation is a direct slap at the tariff re-
visionists. If he is elected he may be
depended upon to use such influence as
he may possess toward retaining the
present exorbitant schedules, or even
in increasing them. Discussing the vice
presidential nomination a few days ago,
and before Mr.. Sherman was chosen.
the Philadelphia North American, a
staunchly ROosevelt-Taf paper. said:
Seriously, there is talk of Fairbanks,
Cortelyou or the Cannon Man Friday,
Sherman of New York. And the chief
peril to Taft's success seems to US to
lie in the possibility OF the nominal
ton of any such man as any one of
these"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21
THE SOUTH is GOING DAY.

(By the Ex-Tank)
Lay the jest about the julep in the cam
phor balls at last,
For the miracle has happened and the
olden days are past;
That which makes Milwaukee famous
does not foam in Tennessee,
And the lid in old Missouri is as tight
locked as can be;
On. the comic paper colonel and his crO-
niles well may sigh,
For the mint is waving gaily, but the
South Is going dry.
BY the stilI-side, on the hillside in Ken
lucky all is still.
For the only damp refreshment must be
dipped up from the rill;
Moth Ca lina's stately ruler gives his
soda glass a shove.
And discusses local option with the South
Calina Gov;
1t is useless al the fountain TO be wink
ful or the eye,
For the cocktail glass is dusty and the
South is going dry.
It is water. water everywhere, and not
a drop" to drink;
We no longer hear the music Of the mel
low crystal clink;
When the Colonel and the Major and the
General and the "Jedge'
Meet 10 have a little nip 10 give their
appetites an edge;
For the egg-nogg now is nogless and the
rye has gone awry,
And the punch DOWL u0iQS CdEudllOI1s ana
the South is going dry
All the nightcaps now have tassels and
are worn upon the head,
Not the nightcaps that were taken when
nobody went to bed
And the breeze above the bluegrass Is as
solemn as is death,
For il bears no pungenI clOYe-tank on
it's odoriflc breath;
And each man can walk a chalk-hne when
the stars are in the sky,
For the fizz glass now Is fizzless and the
South IS going dry.
Lay the lest about the julep meath the
chestnut tree at last,
For there's but one kind of moonshine,
and the olden days are past
For the water wagon rumbles through tie
Southland on its trip,
And IL helps no one 10 drop OFF 10 pick
up the drl Jer's whip
For the mint bed makes pasture and
the cOTkscreW hangeth high,
All is still along the still-sides and tbs
South Is going dry
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21
PUSHES AND THE ROBIN.

MARY Canney)
Brave and bold Sir Robin Redbreast
Came to town one day.
Dressed up in a vest OF scarlet
And a coat OF gray.
Bold Sir Robin chirped quite gally-
He was proud. you see
For there was no other olrdle
Dressed so well as he.
How 1 wish the flowers would waken-
They are late this spring.
I will call them" And Sir Robin
Loudly starts 10 sing.
blossoms! Blossoms! You are lazy
Don't Won know tits spring?
Wake up, flowers. and see my RED vest
such a pretty thing.
Just then Robin heard 2 purring.
Gracious What is that?
If 1 am not much mistaken,
IL sounds like a cat
Bold Sir Robin ceased his singing,
Flew to tree top nigh
Even there he was quite rrlgnteneu-
Cats can climb so high.
How he wished his vest Of scarlet
Were Of duller tone,
So the cat could not espy him
In the tree top lone!
Trembling, fearing, watching peeIlns'
On the bough he sat:
How his little neck he twisted
Looking for that cat!
Suddenly he hears beneath him
Peals of laughter gay,
And some soft and gentle voices
Cry in merry way:
robin, oh, you foolish hoDlh!
Come. oh. come and sing,
We are only Pussy WILLOWS
Waking up the spring.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21
CLAIMS TwlNsHIP WITH TEDDY
cleveland Leader.)

lAltN tldllu l4EdnNl y
While President Roosevelt was hold
ing an open air reception at Syracuse
a tall negro pushed his way forward
through the crowd and eagerly grasped
his hand.
''YO' n me was bon on de same
day. Mistah Roosevelt the darby en-
Enthusiastically said, his shining face al
most cleft from ear TO ear by grin.
Delighted, indeed, TO hear it, warm
ly responded the president, taking a
fresh grip on the black hand and laugh
ing heartily. so you and I were born
on the same day? Well, well!"
"Yo' am fo'ty-seben yeahs old, sub ?"
I am" was the quick answer.
An yo' war bon OH Octobah II.
1851"
Yes"
"Yaas subj" then exclaimed the ne
gro, shaking all over with rapture
''ya'as, sub, Mr.. Roosevelt, yo' an me
am bOfe twins
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21
'EM BOTH WAYS.

II consistency is "a jewel, the RePub-
lican ticket named at Chicago is a
whole casket full Of gems. Taft, hailed
as the chosen one on whom the Roose-
veit mantle is TO fall, the prophet of
reform, the knight who is to tilt with
the powers of evil and save the com
mon people from the wicked trusts. has
for his running mate the beau ideal
trust candidate. Sherman Of Utica is
rich enough to meet even the eXtraVa-
CANT notions of a Republican campaign
committee. He owns franchises and
banks and gear almost beyond compu-
tation; nor Is this particularly to his
discredit in itself.
Beyond wealth, however. Sherman is
the possessor Of a temperament that
more than matches the exigencies Of a
strenuous campaign. He is conserva-
tive TO the limit; he would conserve
the proud pre-eminence in commerce
and wealth which the tr- Is have thrust
upon an unappreciative nation All the
traditions of the stand-pat tribe find
their fullest fruition in Sherman, and
to his notion no crime approaches in
malevolence the wickedness Of disturb
ing the pleasant conditions under which
the monopolists favored by the tariff
have annexed the surplus wealth of the
nation. besides some that was not sur
plus.
Note the beauty Of the arrangement;
The dOwntrodden masses are TO be won
by Taft, the trust fighter. the enemy
of monopoly, the paladin of individual
liberty, the natural successor of T.
Roosevelt, champion of all that is good
and enemy of all that is evil Holding
aloft the banner of freedom, Taft will
muster the proletarist and wage battle
against predatory. wealth and criminal
corporations.
Meanwhile, Sherman, the friend OF
vested rights, the bosom friend of Al
drich and Cannon. viii assure the cor
porations that none but the bad trusts
need be afraid, and even the wicked
ones need not have fits of fear if they
contribute literally 10 the great and
glorious cause of the Republican party.
He can say-and with truth-that no
beneficiary of the tariff need be afraid
of tariff reform if the Republican party
Is reelected; and he can assure con-
tributOrs TO the campaign fund that
the tariff commission viii not feel com
PEELED TO punish donors by reducing the
duty on articles in which the contribu-
tors are interested. Not by a jugful!
The gentleman who devised the orig
inal game TO catch 'em goin' and COM
in was a feeble minded amateur COM
pared with the astute managers who
framed up the combination of Taft and
Sherman. And yet some millions of
voters will be disTustful enough to vote
for a Democratic ticket in the belief
that II carries with IL no such double
meaning as the Ohio-New York combi-
nation implies.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21
THE WISE SCOT.
New York Tribune.)


Here's another tale of the canny Scot:
For once the American had discOv-
cred something British that was better
than anything they could produce
across the pond" His discovery was a
fine collie dog, ana he at once tried to
induce its owner, an old shepherd, to
sell it.
"Wad We be takin' him to America? '
inquired the old Scot.
Yes, I guess So" said the Yankee.
Il thocht as muckle." said the shep-
herd. i cOuldna part wi Jock"
But while they sat and chatted an
English tourist came I'D. and to him
the shepherd sold the collie for much
less than the American had offered.
You told me you wouldn't sell him, "
said the Yankee, when the purchaser
had departed.
Ma" replied the Scot; 81 said
couldna' part wi him. Jock'll be back
in day or 50. but he couldna swim the
Atlantic"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21
THEIR KNOWLEDGE.


rs been a sinnah" vouchsafed a re.
Gently converted brother during an eX-
perfence meeting in EbeneZer chapel. A
heenyus, low-down. contaminated sinnah
for 10 desc many yeahs, and never
knowed it,"
Don let dat modest yO. Brudder New
come" spoke up a sympathetically in
clined deacon. de rest of US knOWed
il all de time
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21

The Inter Ocean carries a couple of
lines in the upper left-hand corner of
its front page proclaiming that it is
the only Republican newspaper in
Chicago" Hating Roosevelt and all
his works, belittling Bill Taft and
fighting desperately against the Wash
ington-made platform, the Ocean GER
tainly has been out OF harmony with
its quorum. but of course the other
fellows may be base limitations and the
Inter Ocean the straight goods. That
being so, how is it going TO support the
ticket?
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21
WELL, 1T HAPPENED.
New York SUM

The nomination for vice president of the
from Utica who solicited
from the president of the Union Pacific
railroad money to aid the Republican con-
gressiOnal committee in 1906. and when
refused straightWay reported the refusal
at The White house, which Drecipitated the
persecution of that corporation by the in
terstate commerce committee this would
be indeed an edifying spectacle
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21

When Dave Hill uncorked his secre-
tions of bile before going to Europe he
said that Bryan had forced himself up
on the Democratic party. Dave ought
to know the impossibility of such a
thing, having tried it and failed.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21

We look toward the commercial trav-
their several homes. Come again some
time. gentlemen, when you can ctay
longer.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21

We -onder if Secretary 1T would
join Mr. Bryan in a suggestion to the
national chairmen to publish lists OF
campaign contributions. Do you really
believe he would?
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21

Nine. Anna Gould is going to acquire
a lot of useless junk in the way Of
names when she takes over her for
mer husbands cousin, but the name
and title are probably what she's after
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21
IN SORE STRAITS.

Il tell you ] must have some money"
roared the king of Mariana, who was in
sore financial straits. Somebody viii
have TO cough up?
Alas" sighed the guardian Of the
treasury, who was formerly court jester,
all our Golfers are empty
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21
Their Methods Differ.
lPhjIadeIphia Record.

1t is Judge Grays belief that the most
effective way to regulate corporations is
to regulate the men in control OF the
corporations The Roosevelt method is
to blow a great blast against the thing
and let the thief escape.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21

There's a warm scrap going on over
the job of managing the Republican
campaign After comforting with the
candidates the subcommittee of the
national committee decided TO adjourn
until July l. MIR. Hitchcock was Of
fered the place in such a manner that
he was compelled to plead i'll health
and decline. The fight will probably
become interesting before the fat-fryer
is finally selected.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21

France announces the invention of an
electric gun that will fire 1,2O0 shots a
minute without powder or other ex-
plosive. If the man who shoots il is
able to hit anything he ought to make
quite a cleanup during an eight-hour
day
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21
AT THE SPRINGS.
(Judge.l

Josh Wethersb y-Say, boy. dye mean
ter ten me tibet yer kin make me young
an spry agin If l stop here fer more'n a
week?
Hotel Clerk-Sure thing, uncle. Front,
show the gentlemen to suite sixteen.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21
WEATHER FOR SALT LAKE.
Unsettled.
The METALS.

Silver. SAC per ounce.
Copper (cathOdes), u 9-l6c per pound.
Lead $3.50 per 100 pounds.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21
HER POINTED VIEW.

(Smart Set)
Chappie Cblasel-Don't you think society
is an empty thing?
Miss Fuller-I think there are lots of
empty things in society.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21

The Associated Press brought the al
legged news from Paris that prices were
firm upon the announcement of the
nomination of Taft. The New York
market having suffered relapse on the
same day, we suppose it is attributable
TO the same cause.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21

There are many reasons for believ-
ing that Mr.. Taft will never enjoy
Grover CleveIand's distinction as the
only living ex-president.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21

Mr.. Roosevelt would have a good deal
less TO worry him during his hunting
trip in South Africa if Mr. Taft should
be defeated. He woul Int have to be
wondering all the time whether or not
his orders were being carried out. 1t
is to be hoped that the voters of the
country will remember this and govern
themselves accordingly.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21
An Unusual Case.


tChlCagO KecOrd-HeraId-J
Poker is blamed for the downfall of
Cashier Montgomery Of Pittsburg. We
are glad 10 say these few words in favor
Of the chorus girl.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21
Thouuh Teddy Doesn't Believe II.

birmingham Age-Herald.)
Even with Oyster Bay and Pine Knot
both permanently relegated to the rear
some American history in all probability
will be made
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21
CLEVER PARAGRAPHS.
When Guffey May Shrink.
eW York Herald.)

New York Herald)
Guffey seems to be bigger than Bryan
in Pennsylvania, but some people are
wondering If he will be quite so large
when they again compare height at Den
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21

1t wasn't necessary to appoint COM
mittees to notify the fellows who got
left.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21
AppropriateIy Rewarded.
lPhiIadelnhia Recordl

Uncle Joe" Cannon cannot have the
presidency, but he is the recipient of a
cigar twenty-five inches in length and
worth $50
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21
Harder to Dispose Of.

Charges affecting the fitness of Thomas
Collier Plat To hold the office of United
States senator are not so easily disposed
of, however.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21
REVERSED FEELINGS.
altimore American.)

baltimore Amerlcan.)
''Binks is stuck on his new automobile"
1.-The last time I saw him with il he
was stuck under it.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21

The Roosevelt family is off for Oyster
Bay for the summer. Cut the wiresl
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21


old.
One day last winter little Eloise was
looking at a fall of unusually large snow
flakes. "Oh, mammal" she exclaimed,
look at the popped rain coming down.
Little Elmer upon seeing his baby sis
ter for the first time, was told that she
had just arrived from heaven.
Hurry up, baby" he said, and tell US
all about heaven before you forget it,"
johnny said his mother. you have
outgrown your shoes"
What I'd like to hear you say. man.
ma" replied Johnny, is that I have out
grown your slippers
Sunday school teacher-king Solomon
said, There's nothing new under the
SUM-
Bright boy-Well. perhaps there wasn't
in his day, but now We have New Hamp-
shire. New Jersey, New Mexico and New
York A"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21
TOTS IN FUNNYLAND.
lChicagO NeWs.l

why should a soldier never lose his
head in battle?" asked the teacher.
"'Cause he'd have nothing to hang his
cap on if he did, answered small Har-
old.
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1908-12-12
LILIES FOR THE FALL
AND WINTER

Lillium Harrisii, the true Bermuda
Easter lily, is one of the greatest
acquisitions to Horticulture made in
many years. Their profusion of
bloom, the remarkably short time
required to bring them into flower,
and the certainty to produce abun-
dant bloom and also the ease with
which they can be manipulated to be
lowered at any desired period, such
as Christmas, Easter, and other spe'
cial occasions, render them invaluable.
The flowers are delightfully."- fragrant,
pure waxy white, of great substance,
and IL cut as soon as they are open,
or partially open, they can be kept for
two weeks.
A short time only is required to
nring them into bloom succAasinn
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1908-12-12

4 Mr.. William F. Vahlberg, Oklahoma
City, Okla, writes:
zone bottle of Peruna which I have
taken did more toward relieving me of
an aggravated case of Cafarrh of the
stomach, than years of treatment with
the best physicians.
Il had given up hopes of relief, and
only tried Peruna as a last resort.
II shall continue using it, as feel
satisfied it VIII effect an entire and
permanent Ci1e.
''Imost cheerfully recommend Peruna
to all who may read this"
Peruna is usually taken as last re-
sort. Doctors have been tried and
failed. Other remedies have been used.
Sanitariums have been visited. Travel
has been resorted to.
At last Peruna is tried. Relief is
found.
This history is repeated over and
over again, every day in the year. 1t is
such results as this that gives Peruna
it's unassailable hold upon the people.
We could say nothing that would add
force to such testimonials as the above
That people who have had catarrh and
have tried every other remedy avail
able, find relief in Peruna, constitutes
the best argument that could be made.
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1908-12-12
FACTORS INFLUENCING
IMPROVEMENT OF POTATO
Revealed BY Edward
M. East, Illinois Agricultural College.

Wide variations or bud mutations
are rare and have never produced any
thing especially valuable. They are at
scientist than the attention OF the
practical potato breeder.
The universal belief in the hypoth.
esis that potato variety must degen'
crate through continued bud propaga-
ton appears to have little ground
either in theory or practice. The de-
generation that sometimes does take
place is due to physiological effects
through the use of tubers which are
abnormal, from inhospitable soil or eli
mate, or from the ravages of insects
or fungi on the plants. The old idea
that change of seed is necessary
belongs to this same category. The
phenomenon is entirely physiological.
Quality depends upon the following
factors:
1. Homogeneous Anatomical Struc-
ture.-In general, quality increases as
the proportion of cortical and external
medullary layer to internal medullar!
layer increases, (When potato il
halved lengthwise the cortical laye
is the outside ring, the internal medul
larry layer is the branchlike structure
and the external medullary layer Is
the part between.)
2. Dry Matter Content-This must
be such that cooked starch fills the
cells TO their bursting point. The lower
limit is about Is per cent.
3. Maturity.-This is affected by all
factors of soil physics, soil fertility,
cultivation and climate during the
growing period.
Under like conditions of environ
ment, variations in table quality are
shown as varietal characteristics due to
heritable differences in shape, compo-
sition and physical structure. These
heritable differences can probably be
used as a basis for originating new
varieties Of better quality, but the