davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-02-07
Priests Orders.

An actor named Priest was playing
at one of the principal theaters In Lon
don. Some one remarked at the Gar
rick club that there we're great many
men IN the pit every evening.
'Probably CLERKS who have taken
Priests orders" said Mr.. Poole, one
Of the best punsters as well as one OF
the cleyerest comic satirists of the day.
London Telegraph. ..
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-02-07
Aoidinn His Jos.

Michael Callahan. Il section boss for
the Southern railroad, has keen Gael
&c wit. One warm afternoon while
walking along the railroad tracks ne
found Il section hand piacidly sleeping
beside the rails. Callahan looked dis
custedly at the delinquent for a full
minute and then remarked:
"Slape on, ye lazy spalpeen, slape
on. fur as long as you slape you've got
a Job, but when you wake up you aims
got none."-Lippincott's Magazine.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-02-07
Strictly Business.

"Sir," began stranger as he walk
ed directly up to a business man, i
am strictly on business"
$50 am l."
"Good! believe every man should
furnish money for his own tombstone.
$50 do l."
"Good again! l want to raise SO
to pay for a stone over my grave
What assistance will you render the
enterprise? want a business an
swer."
"You shall have 1t, sir. Unless you
Immediately take your departure | viii
aid the enterprise by furnishing the
corpse"
The stranger hurried of.-Clevelanu
Plain Dealer.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-02-07
A w,rr, Tine'Cominu.

"Tm dom me best with the fire, SIT.
said the janitor at the door of Gailey's
Office one cold morning, but I'm
afraid I can't make 1t very warm for
you. You see, SIR
"Never mind" feverishly replied Cal
lev. who had been out all night. MY
wife will be here shortly, / expect.
Philadelphia Ledger.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-02-07

Golf as a recreation appeals to prac-
tically all ages. Impetuous YOUTH
s,ald middle age and the man In the
evening walk OF life alike feel its fas-
cination and enjoy its manifold pleas
ures. Golf entails walking, the best
of exercises for the average man. IL
trains the eye and the arm. and, whi'e
It tries, it ought also to train. the tenn
per.-Liverpool Courier.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-02-07
No Thanks,

81 broke d record todsg. Had the
ust word with woman.
"Didn't think 1t possible. Bow'd II
happen"
.Why said to woman In The car.
Madam. have my seat '"-Phiiadel'
nhia Ledger.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-02-07
q Run of Luck.

Ruffien-Old fellow, you look Dlue
Are you on the wrong side of the mar
ket? Trumbull-Market be hanged! !
moved yesterday. The van man broke
f5 worth Of the furniture, | lost n tve
pound Bank of England note. the gas
company held me up for double the
usual deposit, and I've just been sum
moned on a jury.-LonGon Mail.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-02-07
Good Trade.

"Oh. my business is good" said the
trombone player. "In fact. ! am 49,
ways blowing about It."
"Wen. I'm sooted with mine. TOO
exid the chimney sweep.
And mine is out Of sight" said the
x7<for
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-02-07

Farmer Jones Ito amateur hunter)-
There wasn't a better water dawg
livin' until you shootin' gents took 10
borrowin' I'm. Now is 'ide's that fun
Of shots he'd sink to the bottom like
brick.-Bystander
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-02-07
A Choice of Evils.

"Your daughter can come to me for
her music lessons and can do her prac-
ticing at home
"rd rather you'd give her her les
sons here at home and have her do her
practicing at your rooms."-Houston
POST
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-02-07

She (on their wedding trip In the
r-ountains)-Carlo, what's that long
white streak on the ground over to-
ward orr innl He-My Lord! That's
probably our biIl!--Transatlantic Tales.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-02-07
L. ere ots of ~.

One thing .ght - be aimed at By AZ
meu thar tnc Interest Of each lld.ViI-
ually AMI Of al collecti' ely shoH!d Oe'
the same, FOR Il each Should trasp aS
his indiv lual interest ail human So
cietv viii be dissolved. Cicero.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-02-07
DO one thing at a time and the big
things. frst-Lincoln-


She-Men and women can't be judg-
ed by the same standards. For In
stance. a man is known by the COM
pany he keeps. He-And woman py
the servants she can't keep.-Judge.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-02-07
Asserting himself.

He-will you be my wife? She-The
ideal Don't be ridiculous. He-Yes.
know II sounds ridiculous; but, then.
I'm not so particular as some men are.
Boston Transcript
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-02-07
All 1'heN DescrYe.

Some people claim they don't gct
nuthia' out O. life"
"And .ey are the kind that don {
put nuthin' into it 10 draw Interest
on.,-Lo, lsviile Couri .r-Journal.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-02-07
Time 70 Get Busy.

"But life has no bright side!' walled
the pessimist
..Then get busy and polish up the
dark side," rejoined the optimist.-Chi-
cago News.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-02-07

As' Unless tho number Of lnser
,iona ia marked upon tine mar a
script, advertisements will oe put
lIsbed until forbidden and cbrrgt d
accordin ~
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-02-07

One OF the most rare kinds OF cour-
age is the courage to wait.-St LOUIS
Globe Democrat.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-02-07
C,v.-1 G ickiy.

"See me next week about H."
But he who gives quickly give
twice"
That's just the point. don't car
70 he held m later for second sab
scription. n."-TittSbCrg Post.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-02-07

Nothing Is impossible to the man
Who can and wilI.-Mlrabeau.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-02-07

Money loaned on long time and sm'
monthly payments. Loans guaranteed
TO be paid up s4 months II paymen
are promptly made when due. Valley
Building Il i. Asso. Woodstock, Va.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-02-07

Behavior Is a mirror In which every
one displays his image.-Goethe.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-02-07
= Shenendoah = Herald
advertising Rates

Advertisements viii DO insert.
Ell at one dollar per square OF
ten lines OF Iess, for the inst in-
sertion, and 80 cents for each
suhseouent insertion.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-03-23
/: Tales Worth Telling :
SLOWER THAN ELEVATOR.

zone thing has been discovered in
the Department of the Interior slower
than it's elevator. This is the process
of getting a copy of the beautiful ma
gazine published there under the en-
trancing title of The Patent Office Ca
zette, said a weary-looking man the
other day. Il wanted to find out some
thing more about the new Maxim
noiseless pistol, which is to be such a
priceless boon to highwaymen, and /
made the fatal error of going to the
patent office to get it. First 1 was
told to walk block to the Office of the
chief clerk, where a copy would be
given to me. | walked the block but
found on arrival that the chief clerk
had nothing to do with the matter,
one of his secretaries pushing me forth
upon a journey up stairs and half a
block down a corridor to the room of
a clerk who was said to have the dis
tribution of the magazines. When l
finally made that port and had told
the clerk what 1 wanted he went to a
cage and asked a man confined therein
to hand out copy of the last Gazette.
The man handed out copy a week old
but the clerk did not discover this un-
til he had been told three times, when
he managed to get the right one from
the cage. AT last thought, I have
it, But such ineffable bliss was fated
not to be mine. The clerk went back
into his room, filled out form and
told me that l must go down stalls,
buy fiVe-cent coupon from a financial
clerk and return with it, when he
would be ready to hand over a copy OF
the Gazette. BY this time almost three
quarters of an hour had elapsed, and
l am busy man, but 1 thought 1 had
better follow the tangle of red tape to
it's finish, now that had started. So
/ made the journey down stairs to the
financial clerks Office and stood around
there watching persons lolling in chairs
and not offering to do anything until
encouragement overtooI me, when l
went back upstairs and told the clerk
with the Gazette that should have to
send boy with two or three hours to
spare to complete the complicated
transaction. did not get the Gazette
that l went after, but l spent an in
structive hour, for learned where the
elysium is situated, the place where
time does not exist, the real country
of dolce far niente.' But woe to the
visitor who butts in and expects some
thing to be done"
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-03-23
CUBA'S GROWTH.

Exports from the United States Cuba have increased 1881
and from that island increased 6H
during the period The total value of merchandise exported
from the United States Cuba the year 1907 52
million dollars, 23 millions 1905 average
millions in the five ending with 1903 The imports from Cuba
in 1907 92A millions against 57 millions 1903 and
average 43 millions per the years ending
This increase in imports chiefly sugar tobacco CIGARS
bananas copper In the exports the
variety of articles but especially in manufactures iron steel
and carriages cotton manufactures, boots and Shoes lumber
coal coffee meats eggs, and breadstufs of all
Sugar mportatons from the island have grown from
than billion pounds 1908 billions in 1907, and value
1903 375 millions millions 1907. Leaf tobacco
reduction quantity but increase value the quantity
being 2H million pounds valued million dollars
I63 million pounds valued million dollars;
slight increase being 80 million dollars 1908 millions 1907
copper in bars and ngo shows increase from thousand
dollars in 1903 1873 thousand 1907 The principal articles
ing the 92H million dollars worth of merchandise imported
United States from Cuba sugar OF million dollars tobacco
Millions cigars, Millions iron 2H Millions fruits II millions
of which bananas amount to about Million cabinet
Million copper nearly Il million, and about quarter
of million. Ty@HWHIMW
The principal articles forming the 52H million dollars
exports to Cuba manufactures of iron and
to nearly million dollars against about 81 millions 1903
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-03-23
A REALISTIC PAINTER.

The late John Lambert, the Phila-
delphia artist whose blindness brought
on by the dazzling sunshine of a Spa
nish summer, caused his death through
grief, was a portrait painter of rare
talent
Lambert" said a member of the
Philadelphia Club the other day, was
a realist. His portraits were true and
unflattering. It annoyed him tremen-
dously to be asked to make an ugly
woman beautiful-it was the same
thing, he used to say as being asked to
lie.
"a Spruce street matron sat to Lam
bert once. At the end of the third
sitting she professed to be quite salts
fled with the progress of the work.
All but the mouth" she said.
Please make it small and curved. l
know it is a straight, long mouth really
just as you have drawn it, but in the
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-03-23
NOT AN IDEAL JUROR.

During the selection of the Thaw
jurors Martin w. Littleton, the defend
er of the young millionaire, told at
luncheon a story about a juryman.
1T was in the far west" he said,
in the distant days before our west
ern percentage of illiteracy had fallen
to be the lowest in the world
"A juror had been selected in a muir
der trial, and they were about to swear
him in when the judge to be on the
safe side, bethought himself to say
to the man:
81 trust, sir, you fully understand
the duties and responsibilities of a
JUROR
Strengthening himself up to his full
height, the man nodded calmly and
replied:
I'm a plain chap, and l believe in
being fair to all. l don't go by what
the lawyers say, and 1 don't go by
what the judge says, but l look care
fully at the prisoner in the dock, and
l say to myself: He must have done
something or he wouldn't be here" so
bring em all in guilty."
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-03-23
NENU
ICE CREAM SODA; all natural

ICE CREAM SODA; all natural
fruit flavors.
CRUSHED FRUITS; Peach,
Raspberry, Strawberry, Black
berry, Plum, Apricot, Cherry,
Pineapple.
SUNDAES; Cherry Is, Society
IS, Chop Suey 10, Pineapple 10,
Strawberry 10, Nut 10, Marsh
mallow 10, Buffalo 10, Maple Nut
10, Caramel Nut Is, Club Sand
witch %.
PUNCHES; Nectarine Is,
Grape 10, Lime Is, Grenadine 10,
Queen Charlotte IS, Cherry San
garee 10.
EGG DRINKS; Grape Juice IS
Chocolate 10, Cream Is, Phos-
phate IS. Matted Milk Is, Coffee
Is.
FRAPPES; Frosted Coffee 10,
Chocolate 10, Cream Puff 10,
Maple 10, Pineapple 10.
LEMONADES; Plain 10. Self
ger 10, Soda 10. Grape Is, White
Rock 25. Sauerbrunnen 25, Tan
San rs. Vichy 10.
GLACES; Cherry 10, Pineapple
10, Orange 10. Lemon 10, Straw
berry 10.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-03-23
TheManand His Job
By HERBERT ]. HAPGOOD.

A newspaper editor invitation to number OF
prominent business professional express their ideas
what they considered the essential element
}
prize offered the giving the best and in
order that partially should be shown the competitors
required withhold their till twelve ococ, of
certain day They then supposed by wire and
particularly urged restrict their messages to ten words
When the appointed time arrived all sorts Of kilograms
piled up on the editors desk Some mentioned thing and
another being the element essential
There quotations from the Bible from Shakespeare, and
Ben Franklin and Understanding phrases such
brains plus character plus hard work go make success
All conformed the word rule however, any breach of
this regulation would irreparaby dsquay the competitor
The prize broker in Kansas City, for the editor said
that his originality alone deserved merit here what he gave
as the element most essential to success:
Luck! I've got the whole bunch by nine words
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-03-23

The late Edmund Clarence Sted-
man." said Chicago publisher, used
to entertain his friends with amusing
memories of country journalism. He
once edited, you know, little paper
in Connecticut.
AT dentists banquet in New York
where he read an original poem, he
told a story about an amateur Connec-
ticut dentist, one of his Oldest sub
scribers.
This mans name was Jake. Jake
was at work in a cornfeld one day
when a neighboring farmer came to
him, holding his jaw.
THE farmer had the toothache and
to save a trip to Winsted and dem
lists fee he wanted Jake to pull the
aching tooth.
Jake led him to the barn, seated
him on a sawhorse and took from the
harness room a pair of very large,
rusty pinchers.
" Here goes, he said, and bracing
himself extracted a huge tooth.
THE farmer clapped his hand to his
jaw. He pointed reproachfully to the
large white tooth in the pinchers.
Why Jake he said that's the
wrong one
" 1 know, said Jake, bracing him
self again, but now can get at the
other handler"
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-03-23

FlnA Job Printing, Star Office. :
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-03-23
THE TARIFF TO BE REFUSED.

declaration favor of special session for tariff ev
immediately election probably foeadows the Repb
can platform the subject The Democratic leaders
concentrating much of their orato the tariff and are attempting
political capital evident general American demand
1t shrewd Republican to recognize
this demand urge that the matter be postponed until the passing OF
campaign will take of politics and pledge the party to an
when the campaign Once again. the O. o. T.
takes the Deoeac sails by such And the pro-
tariff should be revised by those who hold to the
protection rather than attacked hostile mood by avowed
theory strong appeal the sound business sense
of the country
any the signs Of the times point early revision OF
Republicans standing the declarations in Roose-
that campaign time not the proper e but
nearly all leaders promise 1T later
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-03-23

the world be under some rather
strange instance raversng the nowbound roads OF
the Eastern states constantly called the farmers
their aid with horses and with of men to
passage these circumstances unnatural
the strong should be followed by
plants foreigners that the farmers wouldn't help them with any
thing with which they aided the of their nation
however, will be in Siberia Germany France
change But is doubtful whether there will be
places where aid will be needed much
three weeks from New York There is
little under hours from New York to Chi
the about weeks to this part OF the
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-03-23
CONGRESS FAVORING US.

reports today with the Washington cable of
terday morning regarding the Notifications BILL confirm the most fav
orabe impressions regarding appropriations for Hawaii In the bill
which passed the House last Saturday the estimates cut
matey yeght millions eight millions Hawaii and the
Philippines the only places well treated the cutting The
mees reporting of the bill in this shape followed quickly by its
Cepance by the House. makes reasonably certain that the bill will
pass aside $Iooooo for Hawaii and includes everything
Pearl habor plans which the Taft board proposed In
of the effort Pearl Habor separate proposition the o
sion of Pearl Harbor the bill is necessarily defeat The
situation certainly looks very favorable for large work here
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-03-23
A CONSTANT PUZZLE.

There are two things which are a
constant wonder to the average man,
remarked the woman with the high
forehead.
What are they?" queried the scanty
haired bachelor.
One is how the world got along be-
fore he came into it and the other is
how 1t is going to get on after he
leaves it," replied the wise woman.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-03-23

The subsidy bill has passed the Senate and the fight OF the
session the House One of the most striking
and spectacular the need of such law is to be found
after anneng Hawaii the United States enforced
which partially destroyed her communication with the Mainland
Hawaii should have jumped into the fight for the subsidy provide
marine nothing for than justice to her.
abandoning the battle and going the other side and
asking Congress another blow the dying American service by
aiding foreign lines get business
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-03-23
THIS LANGUAGE

Young man." said the stern parent
my daughter can never be yours"
I'm glad Of that" calmly rejoined
the young man.
What" exclaimed the S. p. in sur
prise.
I'm glad she can't be my daughter"
replied the y. m, "for want her to
be my wife. See?"
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-03-23
In cases of 81
Quarts and ]
Doz. Half Gals,

portrait l want you, if you will, to
make it very tiny. Will your
Certainly, madam said Lambert,
III leave it out altogether ii you
WISH"
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-03-23

The Hawaiian islands justly proud of the Mauna kea She
than the coasng trade CT the California Oregon
Washington has into passenger service She will help
get right be proud of another sample Of
enterprise which gives leadership this little mdocean COM
muny
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1908-01-18
LUMBERMEN ELECT OFFICERS
IL. II. Mcmahon of Fergus Falls,
Mimi, Chosen President of
North western Association.

MINNEAPOLIS, Mimi, Jan. 16-At the
final session of the Northwestern Lumber
mems association today, II. r. Mcmahon
Of Fergus Falls, Mimi, was elected presi-
dent
The resolutions adopted oppose further
extension of the parcels post system, ad-
vocate reduction of postage rate on
binary sealed correspondence matter from
, cents to l cent an ounce, ask the secretary
of agriculture to establish a timber testing
laboratory at the Minnesota Forest
school and pledge the sBpport of the as
sociation to any proposed legislation that
tends to amend the interstate COMMERCE
law so as to require an official hearing
before any change in an interstate rate
or classification can be put into effect.
Chairman John Barry of Iowa. of the
special committee on cancellations, re-
ported that while the association protested
most earnestly against the practice of
'cancelling orders, 1t ought not to adopt
the plan Of attack proposed at the meet
ing of the convention by X. w. Douglas Of
Seattle and George W. Hotchkiss of I'LL
nOis, who had advised a joint board OF
arbitration representing both retailers and
wholesalers organizations. The resolu-
tions stated that inasmuch as the North
western Lumbermen's association had
some time ago made such an arrangement
with the Mississippi Valley association and
that said arrangement had been declared
illegal by the courts, the convention could
not at this time adopt such plan in the
face of legal prohibition. The committee
suggested that the association study the
question with view to finding some other
solution. Its report was adopted without
dissent.
At the request of the president, the
board of directors was given authority to
appoint not TO exceed three delegates to
attend the big meeting of lumbermen's s
organizations In Tacoma next summer.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1908-01-18
WOMAN LEAFS FROM WINDOW
Mrs. Herbert NJ. sears OF Boston rails
Thirteen stories 60 End
Life.

NEW YORK, Jan. 17.-Mrs. Herbert NJ.
Sears. member Of a wealthy Boston family
and a guest at the Hotel St. Regis, com
mitted suicide today by jumping from
thirteenth-story window.
Mrs. Sears had been a frequent visitor al
the st. Regis for several years. She always
came to the hotet accompanied only by
maid and frequently remained there sew
eral days. Her actions were described by
the hotel people as erratic and the maid
always maintained close watch over her
mistress. The body of\Mrs. Sears fell on
the roof Of four-story building adjoining
the st. Regis and the fall was heard by the
residents of that building. Mrs. Sears left
a note to her husband IN her room in the
hotel.
BOSTON Jan 17.-Mrs. Herbert NJ Sears
was the wife OF prominent broker of this
city. the brother OF Richard d. Sears.
former national tennis championship and
twin brother OF Philip 8. Sears. also prom
inent in financial circles here. Friends
here say that Mrs. Sears had been suffering
for some time with melancholia. Mrs. Sears
was Miss Caroline Bartlett, daughter of
Francis Bartlett. a lawyer of this city. and
she was about AZ years OF age. Mr.. Sears
and his wife occupied beautiful residence
built within few years on Commonwealth
avenue. The family includes two children.