davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1908-12-25
UNIVERSITY MONKEYS
BALK AT VIVISECTION
Our Mr. LunCh-Room Charlie Gets Big Scoop by
Writing Absolutely the First Interview With
Subject of FreshmanS Experiments

rather than through the sldlIful manipu-
laJions OF "a WhiJe-suited freshman who
Eets knife and proceeds 10 take our
minds apart just TO see why we don't
develop faster
I'm free to confess that had We
known we were 10 Doe experimental uD-
on We would never nave left that dear
Old India We might have Cvaded cap
lure- As II was. some sly American
told us that he was press agent for a
circus md that we were wanted for
exhibition purposes. He spoke feeling
ly of peanuts and red lemonade and
then every monkey in the tribe scram-
bled TO get D-tO the net 1 remember
Wen that q S. cOnI cousin Of mine w.pt
Tor hours because he couldn't come.
Little does ne know how kind fate
was TO him. Here We und ourselves
the objects Of contempt for the passing
.'erd We are but the subjects of ex-
pc riments. 2. renOlogists win rub our
heads, palmisfs VIII read our palms,
alIeuists VIII demand our views on the
uuwriLten law and Dcmentia Ameri-
cana, bal by specialists viii dissect our
cries and everybody IN general who
wants to see how big a fool somebody
else IS viii say come on over 10 the
monkey house
'It Is terrible, terrible And to think,
TINS must go on for two or three years
until the professors decide they know
al about just how the brain happened" q"
Mr. kwangdang sank to the floor Of
the cage hcaTt-bToken. Whingsat
NobbyWok. OoEdaug and WuzzyWus.
came TO his aid and spoke sOOthingly
TO him in monkey language.
Overcome by emotion and Christmas
eggnoE / sobfnBly left the place.
The Washington times., 1908-12-25

it's He had 'em. One OF Jham was
the habit OF getting shaved at d Nassau
street barber shop. where a pretty man
curist also attended to his finger nails.
Another was the automobile habit. He
mOtOred with tie manicure Also he
rarebitted with her in Broadvgay restau-
rants on top OF all this IL was discOy-
cred that the maLiCurist had left her
position and has not been seen OF heard
Of for q week
Monday g letter was received by the
lead company from Towne- II was
mailed II Chicago he confessed a
shortage and said that he would never
return 70 New York This latter may
not be strictly true He may not want
70 return but he may have to- Time win
tell. He may feel like Confessing an
other shortage before he gets out OF
Chicago Towne's methods for getting
money were not new or novel Il which
respect they we're like his methods Of
spending it.
John NJ Peters. secretary Of the com
pany, said that the company would lose
nothing as result Of TCwne's pecuIa-
uons- That IS a business viewpoint
No one finds il necessary 70 speak OF
what ToWne has lost and what his wife
and little daughter have lost. That s
tho other side
The Washington times., 1908-12-25
IMMUNITY BATH
MAY NOT PROTECT
Bank Wrecker in Jail Will
Probably Face Further
Charges.

SAN FRANCISCO, Dec. 81. Dali
zeIl Brown, who is now serving an
eighteen months sentence IN State prIs-
on for looting the California Safe De
post and Trust Company. and who was
granted an immunity bath on other
charges of similar character for telling
what he knew Of the affairs Of several
banking institutions here, may have 70
face trial again.
In a letters TO the district attorney,
John Pollock, living in Australia, claims
TO be the owner OF ten bonds, which
were on deposit in the defUnct bank,
but which Pollock now declares are
missing.
The district attorney declares that nc
is not now ready to say whether
Browns immunity bath covers the
ground OF heretofore undiscovered theft
or not
After inves ugation. If the case war
rants H.. IL is declared that Brown will
be again prosecuted, when he leaves San
Quentin peniteutiary.
The Washington times., 1908-12-25
MAN AND MANICURBT
DEPART WITH $4,000
Model Young Man Leaves Wife and Children
and Trusting Employers, Whom He Had
Served Faithfully for Many Years.

NEW YORK, Dec. Z5.-The pretty
manicurist broke into the news again
yesterday.
CoincidenI:y a model young man"
having broken out also, broke into me
news. II is one Of those stories with
moral as Old-fuIly as oId-as model
young men and manicurists.
Edward b. Towne is the model
young man" He was cashier Of the
MathesOn Lead Company, Of 1S4 Front
street Now he is missing So is the
manicurist who was employed in a Mas
sau street barber shop. The books Of
the lead company incidentally show a
discrepancy Of $4,000 or more.
TOwne lived in Orange, y. J., with
his vile and a child. a little girl two
and a half years old. For eight years he
had been connected with the lead COM
pany, starting as office boy and work
ing his way up 10 cashier. T. IS
where he stopped
Wednesday Of last week he teIephoned
that he was 81. Old story that. The
next day his wife teIephoned and asked
for her husband, saying he had not been
home the night before. Another old
story. Then came the investigation
All IN the natural sequence
A bonding company credits TOwne
with $4,000 worth Of honesty He didn't
have il ard detectives employed by the
company began inQuiring into his hab-
The Washington times., 1908-12-25
The Stomach Does
Not tGause Dyspepsia
Neither VIII 1t Cure 1t Because The
Lack Of Gastric Juices
Prohibit Relief,
Bv LUNCHROOM CHARLIE.

The stomach is a strong, powerful or
gan, which is composed of muscles of
great strength 1t IS filed during di-
Sesion with gastric juices which. when
the stomach extending and compress
ing the food. dissolve Il and separate
the nOUrishmeut from the waste matter.
Il, however, these gastric juices are
lacking the stomach Is not capable Of
ulEeSuuS Its food because IL has not
the tools with which to work success
fully
The gastric juices when in perfect
state do away with all foul Odors, fer
meurariOn and decay, reduce the food
% a LlsiuteErated mass and the stOm-
acu then presses il into the inteStines,
where another form Of digestion takes
place Then the intesLiles take from
this mass Of food all that is uOurtshing
and give IL TO the blood. The waste
matter is thrown from the system.
IT instead Of DOurIShmeuL the intcs-
ureS receive impure deposits combined
with q poisonous and imperrect gas
trio juice, fl can be readily seen irat
they must turn such imperfect nOurish-
ment into the blood. The blood then
being unable 20 give each part OF the
body that which It requires. becomes
Impoverished and disease is spread
broadcast.
Stuarts Dyspepsia Tablets corrects
such a condition aL once. If the gastric
juices are lacking and imperfect these
They build mp the elements in the Juice
which are lacking and remove those
elements which cause disturbance.
Meat. grains, fluids, vegetables and
delIcacies, i'm fact each VartiOn of
large meal have been placed in a glass
vial and Stuarts Dyspepsia Tablets
have digested them TO a perfect fluid
just as healthy stomach would do.
A large complex, hearty meal holds
no terrors for dyspeptic If Stuart's
Dyspepsia Tablets are used. Abnormal
eating, late dinners. rich foods cause
III effects to the stomach, but when
Stuart's Dyspepsia Tablets are used one
may eat when and what one will with
out danger of dyspepsia or discomfort
Forty thousand physicians endorse
and prescribe StuaTt's Dyspepsia Tab
.Cts and every druggist carries them IN
stock, price SOC. Send us your name
and address and we viii send you at
once by mail sample package free
Address +. a. Stuart Co, $50 Stuart
Bldg, Marshall. Mich.
The Washington times., 1908-12-25
STREET CAR HELD UP
BY MERRY WIDOW HAT

a Bayonne, y. j., pay-as-you-enter
trolley car was held up for several
minutes because Of an unusually big
Merry Widow hat worn by a good
looking young woman who boarded the
car IN front Of police headquarters.
She dropped her nickel into the box
and WREN she attempted 10 pass inside
the car the edges Of her hat got jammcd
in the sius- The conductor and LAWYER
James +. McCabe, finally succeeded I'M
prying the hat loose and the vorua
woman was obliged to carry her hat
IN her hand inside the car. She didn't
enjoy the gigglinE OF the other pas
senEeTS.-New York World
The Washington times., 1908-12-25
SCENE IS CREATED
At HONAN'S GRAVE
Sister of Deceased Makes
Savage Attack on
BrOther-in-Law.

CHICAGO. Ill. Dec Z5.-Those who
attended the funeral Of Mrs Pauline r
Holmes are today discussing the sensa-
ti1naI attack By the dead woman's sister,
Mrs Louise Westmass. upon her hJIs-
band. Charles r. Holmes, who
charged with causing his wife's death
by knocking her down
Mrs Westmass savagely attacked
Holmes. nearly OverturniuE the coffin.
but was restrained By a deputy sheriff
and her husband Finally the woman
SwOoned and Holmes kneIt q few min
Utes beside his Wife's coffin and sobbed
aUdibly. Then the services proceeded.
The Washington times., 1908-12-25
CRUISER REACHES PORT.

NORFOLK. Dec. 25.-The armored
cruiser Montana, which, with her sister
ship, the North Carolina, is scheduled
10 convey President-elect Taft on his
coming visit to Panama, passed in the
Virginia capes this afternoon, following
her Standardization tests at sea with
the naval board Of inspection and sur
vey aboard The Montana, IL is thought
viii come to the Norfolk navy yard for
slight repairs
The Washington times., 1908-12-25
LAVISH MERCHANT
ACCUSED BY NURSE
Arrest of Faulkner Court
MaSton Brings Him to End
of Wide SWath.
HELD TO GRAND JURY
UNDER $4,000 BONDS
Judge Gives Him Fearful Scoring
and Declines to Grant His
Attorneys Request.

CHICAGO, Dec. 25.-Faulkner Court
Maston, of New York, has come to the
end Of the wide swath he has been cut
ting in Chicago.
He is president OF the Victor Color
and Varnish Company, and is wealthy
and an associate Of men Of prominence
in the East. Since December , he has
spent money in Chicago with "A lavish
hand for dinners, hotel bills, and va
riOus manners OF entertainment. Now
ne has been held 10 the grand jury
under $500 bOnds,- on a serious charge.
brought by Miss Ruth r. Lee, trained
nurse Of 2O2O Indiana avenue.
In expressing his views OF the case
after two hours of testimony, Judge
Gemmiu gave the New Yorker one of
the severest arraignments ever heard in
a Chicago courtroom. Detectives, police
officers, and court attaches stood as
founded.
Maston came to Chicago to establish
a Western branch Of his company. lie
took a suite Of rooms at the Auditorium
ADITex, and later at the Stratford Hotel
Automobiles and expensive dinners were
everyday Incidents, and when he was
arrested at the StratfOrd he paid q bill
amounting to S240. His expenses are
said to have totaled thousands Of dol
lars.
Cuts Pitiable Figure.
When tive hearing Of the case was
over he sto Cd a pttable figure in a cor
ner of the dingy Harrison street station
under the guard Of a detective, while
mis- attorney made efforts to procure a
bondsman-
AastOn is victim Of Iocomotor
gIHa aI4-fas . s.. 4 4
car stood while he was making efforts
to escape spending Christmas Day in
the county Jail instead OF at his home
in New York.
The Harrison street court was iarnmed
while Miss Lee told her story. As she
progressed her voice sank lower and
lower. and finally she whispered part
OF her testimony ID Judge Gemmiu.
Attorney Qun . Brieu. representing
MaSton, pleaded that the case be dis
missed The court refused and MasJOn
then took the stand.
He confirmed all the young womau's S
story, admitting its truth with the eN-
ception Of the direct charge against him.
Charged With Attack.
Miss Lee charges that she was at
tackled in a room at the Strstford Ho-
tel while she was acting as a nurse
denied that Miss Lee ever spent a night
in his room at the hotel
IL was disclosed that Maston. while
here, went under the names # &C. NJ.
Faulkner" Fred G. Nastou." and was
arrested under the name Of Charles
VI. Faulkner"
MaSton was disconnected when his
name developed in the testimony. lie
also made strenuous efforts to protect
the name Of the young woman who. ne
asserts, was in his room when Miss Lee
says she was attacked
She is nice little girl Is it neces-
SeIy 10 give her name pleaded Mas
ton Finally. on Judge GemmiIIrs in
SlStcncc, he wrote a name upOn a slim
or paper and passed II 10 the cOurf
Later, when the judge was reviewing
the case, he picked the paper uD and
rad the name, Miss Nettie Belts,
Mendoza, Ill"
The Washington times., 1908-12-25
Xmas Eating
and Drinking

The lnsldes Of the whole family from
pad 70 BABY got lots of hard work TO
40 this week: CASCARETS will help
mem. Bee that every member of the
,smlIy gets a CASCARET every night.
rms Will DO the work easily and natu-
ally and save a lot of sickness and
'uffering later on.
Buy loc box CASCARETS-weet's
tEeatment-and have II handy 70 use
SSTy night, Xmas week
The Washington times., 1908-12-25
FOLLOWS SON TO DEATH

CARLISLE, Pa, Dec &.-Beraaved bv
an accident on the Cumberland Valley
railroad IN which her only son. Earle
Waggoner, was killed several months
ago, Mrs David Waggoner died heart
broken at her home, at kerTSVille, above
Carlisle. yesterday. She was Gftv Years
old and is survived by her husband and
several brothers and sisters The family
Is prominent
The Washington times., 1908-12-25
MEN REINST&TED.

LANCASTER, Pa, Dec. 25.-Citizers
OF Columbia received an acceptable
Christmas gift today in the shape Of an
order from the Pennsylvania Railroad
Company. reinstating over 100 firenen
and brakemen, who were laid of a year
agO. Three new crews were also ordered
for the EnOla yards
The Washington times., 1908-12-25


Of psychology Of George washington
University have imported twenty
monkeys and Gagged them in the medical
department building in Ii street.
LunchrOOm Charlie, an authority on
monkey language. has, at immense risk.
secured an exclusive interview with the
university pets who have told him just
how il feels 20 be the subject Of expert
ments)
By LUNCHROOM CHARLIE.
You have never interviewed
monkey No? il makes fine Christmas
reading.
As soon as L entered the university
monkey house I found that the monkeys
intended interviewing were Of the
Rhesus species. or the sacred monkey
of India. Therefore, 1 bowed revereutly
and advanced with one hand on the
rear Of the neck and the other fondline
my waist line this being the custom
arv form Of saluation when approach
ing "a sacred monkey. It Is also con-
sidered a mark of special respect
if the interviewer Will attempt TO kiss
his left elbow three umes-which did
1 was then cordially received by Obwok
kWangdang. whom / easily recognized
as being the leader of the band.
Hast heard o mighty KwangdanG,
that certain professors have bethOught
of a plan to study the human mind
through the development OF the animal
mind, and that YOU and your cOmpan-
ions art plucked from the jungle for
this purpose?" / asked.
Mr. Fwaugdaug sazed at me thought
fully for a moment, scratching his head
in perplcEity the while.
eve are coguizaut OF hat and other
facts he said at last, speaking slowly
as though Weighing the import OF every
word
I began to take notes
Don't do that interposed Nr-
KwanEdang. THE scratch Of the pen
ell is suggestive and it Interrupts the
continuity of my thoughts. Kin lily -
member what am about to ten you.
Use your mind. my lad. or experts viii
be studying YOU 1 shrank from the
stinging rebuke. NIr KwangdanS con
tinued:
I'VE held a Cacaus last night and we
have no objection to a dignifcd study
or our minds provided a, VIII benefit
the human race-our inferior Competi-
tors.
I'VE do, however, oppose any PROPOSE
ti0n that looks toward vIvIsection as
q means Of making these experiments
ann glad TO have YOU say that the
professors have discIaimed all Intentions
TO yIElsect US Instinct teaches us that
this isn't a pleasant pastime for any
body except the student VINO holds the
knife.
TT may be that eventually we will
lose our minds If we do we should
much prefer that It be from excessive
drinking or staying UP too late at night
The Washington times., 1908-12-25
FEARED LYNCHING FOR MORIE

SHAMOKIN, Pa, Dec. angelo
Nlorie, VINO murdered q local saloon
keeper and was sentenced to over nine
teen years in the Eastern Peuitentiary,
was hurried through this place to PhiIz-
delphla today, the authorities being
fully prepared 10 resist q crowd of
Morie.s victims friends, who, IL vas
feared, might Try 70 lynch The mur-
The Washington times., 1908-12-25
FIRE COSTS $4,000.

CLEVELAND Ohio. Dec. 25.-The
fve-story brick building occupied BY
Greeuwald & Co, clothing merchants,
was entirely destroyed by fire, early to-
day causing a $4,000 loss
The Washington times., 1908-12-25
JACKSON BETTER

ALBANY. Dec Z5-The condition OF
Attorney General William s Jackson,
who Is III with typhoid fever IN the Al
bany Hospital. was reported as slightly
improved today.
The Washington times., 1908-12-25
PIANO MAKER DEAD.

BOSTON, Dec. 25-IandeI Pond. Of
the plano manufacturing firm OF Ivers
x Pond, oied suddenly at his home in
This city today from appendicitis. His
age was ffty-six years.
The Dolores star., 1908-02-28

Here is new science" It's en-
ploiter is lady of brilliant gifts who
calls 1t mental therapeutics. and who
teaches that by following her theory
men and women can make their dispo-
sitions and characters what they
please-in fact, compound them, just
as skilled operator in that line COM
pounds chemicals. And they can do
more than that. Says the lady: There
Is no question but that II we concen-
trate our minds we can spin through
space at any distance. We can travel
to China, or to the Himalayas." And
II the theory can be carried out in
practice 1t will surely put the airships
out Of business. for everyone can be
his own flying machine. 1t is enough
to make one light-headed.
The Dolores star., 1908-02-28
FACTS FOR SICK WOMEN.
CUT OUT FOR A FINAhcIER.
shrewd Rascal Made Good Thing Out
Of Whistlino Geese.

Two rogues passed poultry shop.
Seeing two geese hung up for sale ono
Of the rogues inserted in the gullet
of the goose little bulb with whistle
attached. When the bulb was pressed
the whistle sounded.
Then, entering the store. he told tho
proprietor that he had hanging out
side very rare kind of whistling
goose. The proprietor at once sold
the goose for a big sum to very
learned professor, who was astonished
to hear about the whistling goose.
Seeking the man who had placed the
whistle in the gullet OF the bird. the
proprietor asked him II he knew
where others like 1t could be OBJ
tained.
Well" said the crafty fellow. II
know of only one place. and If you will
pay me big price will get several
for you
So the rogue brought a dozen fowls.
in the gullet of each of which he
thrust whistle, and was paid an ex-
orbitant price for them before the
hoax was discovered.
The Dolores star., 1908-02-28
Cure of Tuberculosis.

Boston.-The records of the past 80
months in the class system of treat
ment of tuberculosis, conducted under
the auspices of the Emanuel church
of Boston, have just been compiled, and
they show 80 per cent of cures. The
church, which conducts a number Of
departments of welfare work in the
poorer sec tions of Boston, arranged
about three years ago with the out
patient department of the Massachu-
sets Genera- hospital to take up the
treatment of consumption under the
so-called class system. and has had
enrolled for 80 months about 100
patients.
The treatment is according to sani-
tarium rules and consists mainly of
fresh air, proper food, and such medi-
cines as are essential
The Dolores star., 1908-02-28
Ten Thousand Dollar Men Wanted.

Mr.. Edison takes deep interest in
young men and offers them much en-
couragement, says Success Magazine.
To-day is youths zenith in this great
country" is the way he cheers them
on. THE United States is starving
for ten-thousand-dollar men. Corpora
tions are actually clamoring for them;
and the younger the better. But the
man to-day must be technically edu-
Gated. Modern industrial. financial
and commercial conditions are more
complicated than ever before and 1t
takes a trained mind and a level head
to get to the front. The demand for
educated men, chaps that have brains.
exceeds anything that / have ever
known. They are doing the work. too;
that's why more are wanted. So now
Is the time for the man who is going
to make something of himself to get
busy. II he is any good he won't be
out Of job long; not much. There
Is entirely too much work and too few
of the right kind of persons to do it.
II you don't believe it, take peep into
the gigantic plant of concern like the
Bethlehem Steel. company. Yes. sir.
We are starving for brains-for ten
thousand-dollar men, II that way OF put
ting 1t appeals more strongly to the
young American instinct"
The Dolores star., 1908-02-28
Msn's Contest with Nature.


The greatest Of inventions is meas
ured not by their ingenuity. nor by tho
fortunes they make for their origina-
tors. or others. for that Is a small
matter. but by the service which they
render the public and by their influ-
ence on civilization. II inventions are
to be measured by their effects by far
the greatest in the history of the world
was the invention Of the steam engine.
In 1863. the same year in which the
duke of Wellington and Napoleon
Bonaparte were born. James Watt pro-
duced his steam engine. which was
destined to exert more influence in
shaping the worlds future than both
OF these great captains put together.
From the beginning man has had 10
struggle with nature for his life. says
the New York Weekly. She scorched
him; she froze him: she starved him;
she smote him with disease; she over
awed and terrorized him: her winds
buffeted him; her waters drowned
him. Against the measureless forces
OF Nature he could oppose only his
puny arm. On that arm he must rely
to wrest from her food, fuel. raiment
and shelter. Such was the unequal
contest for thousands Of years. But to-
day Nature is mans servant; her
mighty forces do his bidding and run
his errands.
The Dolores star., 1908-02-28
Denver Philanthropist Dies.

Denver.-Mrs. J. B. F. Reynolds died
at her home in this city Saturday OF
neuralgia OF the heart.
BY the death of Mrs. Reynolds the
friendless child, the prisoner unjustly
accused, ard the woman suffering the
pangs of poverty have each lost SYM
pathetic and loyal friend. Her most
striking characteristic was her bound.
less capacity for extending tender SYM
pathy and aid to those in distress. The
most notable example of her interest
in those Cvertaken by adversely was
the fight she made in behalf OF Antoine
Wood, the youthful murderer. 1t was
through her efforts that the boy got a
parole and was given an opportunity to
show that he could make a good man
of himself If given the chance.
Again, when Herman Linde pro-
claimed that there was plot to rail
road him to the insane asylum to secure
valuable pictures in his possession.
Mrs. Reynolds came to the rescue.
Noted alienists testified that Linde was
insane, bur she secured him trial and
he was released.
She married J. B. F. Reynolds, de-
partment manager of the Continental
Oil Company. some fifteen years ago,
coming here from the East about that
time. There has been no children as
result of the match. but Mrs. Rey-
nolds has adopted fifteen to twenty
waits at different times, bringing them
up in her own house and eventually
finding permanent homes for them. A
brief but expressive tribute was paid
to her memory by Father William
Organ Of st. Leo's church when he
said, "She was always doing good
always"
The Dolores star., 1908-02-28

The shine-your-boots industry ap-
pears to be fiourishing famously. Sub
stantial evidence of this is furnished
by the fact that small spaces in the
terminal buildings of the New York
tunnels have been leased to a boot
blacking corporation for long term Of
years at an aggregate rental of $124,-
600. The notion entertained in some
conservative quarters that the boot
black business has been ruined or seri-
ously injured by the growing popular.
fty Of patent feathers and tans is evi-
IDENTIFY pipe dream. 1t is fourishing
more extensively than ever. Shine
'em up!