The Washington herald., 1908-02-02
HOW A HUMORIST WORKS.
He Helps Brighten the World" at So Much Per.

' = Va III "a w AAdAlA 4 II
tire enterprise OF the Tatuer iu getting
au interview The usual charge. you
know. is SD cents word Are you ready
now
/ was taken of nay feet as it were. and
there was no time 20 ask questions OF /
would lose my appointment with the
Great Humorist So ! declared ] was
ready and began TO tumble iu my purse
Tor "a silver dollar
7 dropped one in the slot and heard il
rattle down. There was a buzz and the
Great Hum0rists voice. knew it was
Lis-sdid WellE'
II was up 90 me 60 saw something. and
as bis reply would cost me 1g cents a
word II would be- something worth while
aud 20 the point ] wondered if that
"WelI?' counted O. "a word If 50. I only
had nine left ont of nay first dollar
Nainiy ] tried 20 think Of something
especially pertinent 70 say. The seconds
were slipping away. and I stood there
like post. Then 7 said Good after
noou.' Df ala the selections for the open
ing NJ SO expensive conversation,
lie had 10 bs polite. ! suppose go he
said Good afternoon" back 10 me.
do you charge Tor that2" The ques-
tIun slipped from me ere / thought. Tt
was entirely natural. bur not al all judi
cious. for IL could ln no wise aid my In
tervlew
Certainly" he replied I was so glad
be talked ga MOn0sylIabies He might
have said "of course do or something
like that and cost me So cents instead OF
II would IKE 90 know something about
you wurk-h0w you DO .t and what in
your opinion. is the aim of real humer. %
/ asked. getting my voice and my pres
eDce 0f mind back again.
You'd better drop i1 three Of .our
more dollars iu the other slots" Central
6Eoke in 90 me.
/ dropped in four and the Great Humor-
ist said 'The aim or bum0r IS 10 enter
tain and delight"
You ought 20 cut ont the articles and
unimportaut words" I suggested Ten
cents each is q good deal 20 pay for them.
You ought 10 How me a rebate ON that
sentence"
Few Words "Deadhead."
I heard the Great Humorist tell Central
70 deadhead few words, and then ne
asked me If I supposed he was i'm the
business of Frightening up the world for
mis- health. and if I did 1 was badly off
my calculations. This isn't costing you
anything, DE said but it is true as
Gospel"
/ wrote it down hurriedly on a pad.
Are We back on cash basis now?' I
asked
Indeed We are he said. There was %
cents more gone
Be-
that SOME of our best humOrists write I'm
pink paiamas?' / said. Please answer
yes or no."
II don't know" he began. "I don't
Don't charge that up Central. because
I asked for a reply in one word. I'm will
ing TO pay for words. but / don't want
this interview padded just because it's
costing 10 cents a word I'll pay for one
word on that Quesuon-no more" ]
declared
Il can't turn the word meter back. %
she said 'Itll have to so on the bill"
'Ill give you four extra words for II. 90
said the Great Humorist by way Of con-
citation.
The word meter clicked of eight words
more as he said it.
You're giving me extra ones now. but
theyr going on the bill I said hotlv.
i beg your pardOu-I forgot TO throw
of the gear he said. Its off now.
This isn't costing you anything"
Is il true that you frequently write
10000 words Of stun before breakfast
with no inspiration but pot Of coffee 90
I asked
More than that sometimes" he began
4 remember one time i"
The Word Meter Busy.
The word meter was buzzlng furiously
Il should think you could answer that
by yes or no." I protested. There's my
81 nearly gone and you haven't told ms
anything"
] could hear him yank the word meter
loose. 'Confound it, he said. Il tell
you I've written $1,000 words of real hu-
NOR in a day without anything to eat OF
drink at ALL"
Twenty-Five. twenty-three. twenty
four, twenty-five, twenty-six-"
Central was counting words up in her
station
Are you charging me for that OF
throwing it in?" ] said.
I'm charging for it, Of course" he
said.
I Well 1 don't believe we can use it.
said. 1T sounds like advertising mat
ter to me. and it'll have 10 go through
the business Office
well. you use il. and III deduct il
from the tolls. he said
You haven't made me laugh yet"
ventured
You're too stlngy to laugh" he de-
clared. "A man who viii haggIe ovel
little matter of a few extra words
hasn't breath enough to laugh"
You great fourfiusher, an almanac
has you backed off the boards for rea
humor," I said. You've robbed me OF
s. now without giving me d return but d
lot of drooling drivel."
Just then the Chronological Secretary
spoke. ] could hear his voice through til,
telephone. The firm of Pushem & Sellen
waited without to close a fifty-year con
tract with the Great Humorist at 500, 00C
year TO write. speak, or smile for nc
publishers but Pushem & Sellem.
had been just in time.