The sun., 1908-05-10
lisa PITY ABOUT mr.. GNAGG
THIS rs THE KIND or RECEPTION
HE GETS AT HOME.
MonolOgue In which You Have Glimpses
Of Ills wife Pulling the Tear Valve, OF
the way He IL Fed and Of How He ls
Made 70 Go Out for the Evening.


the Way He IL Fed and Of How lie Il
Made 10 Go Out for the Evening
Mr. Gnagg upon arriving home from the
ofiice spoke In part as follows
Hello How's that2 Forgot to kiss youi
Oh, bother. There, then. Pretty warm, II
seems to me, for that kind Of nonsense
Wonder how many more years you'll be
expecting me to keep UP that lollygagging
business, anyway Huh1
Oh, that's right, begin 10 dab at your
eyes. Don't mind me. Dissolve into a
cascade II you're 40 crazy over that stun,
Darn the luck, can't you give me chance
To get my hat on before you begin to whtm-
per all over the placer
Don't you s'pose have enough 10 worry
me all day without stacking up against
this whining proposition, and all about
nothing, the minute set foot In my homer
Hey7 Great home, call II. How dye
suppose I spend my days downtown, any
how9 Picking wild Howersl Listening TO
violoncello solos7 And as soon as l open
the door why, you pull the tear valve and
begin to scatter salt water and gloom
around the dump. Blamed tiresome gag,
that's what | call H.
Whatcha blubbering about, anyhow
Oh, I'm not chivalrous any more, hey'
Say, wait minute. What century Ia this
we're living in, anyhow? Huh1 The twen-
tieth? Right The twentieth. And how
long after he's married, in this twentieth
century, is a man supposed 10 moon calf
and spoon around with his wife after a
hard days work?
What dye want me to do? Fizgig around
! like a dancing master as soon as break In,
kiss your hand, place both mtts on my
heart and tell you that your eyes are ador-
| able and that your marcel wave Ia the
candy, till you little lit or two about the
loveliness Of your eyebrows with imaginary
mandolin accompaniment, and all that fool
slommicking aroundl
Is that your idea2 Because you know
II it is you'll have TO wake up sooner or
later, and now's just as good time for
that waking up thing as any other
Forget all that stun about chivalry and rot
that you absorb from the cerise backed
best sellers They tell you that man with
roll Of fat on his neck, no matter how hard
he works for a living or how he makes good
as a proyider, is a slob that don't belong.
And you women that haven't anything TO do
but loll around your flats all day and read
that kind Of truck believe it, and that's
how you fall into the habit Of pulling the
weeps on a man as soon as he clomps into
the place that ought to be made into an im-
tationof a home, anyhow.
Maybe you think you make a hit when
your eyes are all reddened up that way
Maybe | ought to stop on the way home and
get you four or five dozen orchids and
couple Of pounds Of candied angel kisses,
and all like that.
How's that? used to be glad to kiss you
when came ini Course | did Do now.
Tickled TO death. I'm in a perfect frenzy
! Of excitement until get home Can hardly
wait for the elevator to get up here. All
Of US fellows that have been married seven
or eight years are just like that Sure!
Why shouldn't we be?
Oh well, then, never mind. I'm sorry.
I'm always sorry. Seems to me that my
whole life has come to be one continuous
performance squaring up gag with you
There now. Don't shake yourself to
, pieces, Everything's all right Rents
| paid and you're not going TO be turned
into the street. I'll send you up ten or
ffteenmore best sellers tomorrow and you
/ can 60 right ahead and read and read and
read and read.
How about the eats? I'm as hungry as a
wolf. Say my dear, cut that crying busi-
ness out, won't you, and gimme something
to eat, Eats That's what's bothering me
now. Food Nittles.
Huh Where d 'je get these lamb chops?
They'd make good shoestrings. Where
did they come fromy One Of those carts on
Delaney street? Huh? Oh, from our
regular butcher, heyl Did you pick EN-
out your own self?
Oh, no, of course you didn't You just
telephoned for some lamb chops and the
robber slid these along, and this ia the first
time you've seen em! Sure! Great sys-
TEN. that
Kind o tired these days, aren't you, my
dear' Sad, sad, the way you're overworked
You have to take the telephone receiver
down all Of four OF FIVE times day ordering
things from tradesmen that send any old
also ran junk they find and then soak me
first class prices for the same.
Yep-ee you sure are overburdened It's
a shame. I'll bet there isn't a umberjack
in British Columbia at this hour who
wouldn't kill the camp cook that hurled
lamb chops like these at him
What's the matter with this coffee? Tastes
like stewed onions or a monkey cage Best
coffee in the market. hey? It's cinch that
pay the best in the market price for it,
but II this stun doesn't taste like vegetable
compound hair grower then was born in
old New Hampshire, where the cypress lilies
grow. That's what
Hows that2 We're going TO play cards
this evening at the Clippittses'? Oh, we are,
hey? Who said we were2 Oh the engage
ment was made last weels; was it, and /
made it2 Ye-eh Maybe | did. But !
must have taken about half a pound Of Sleep
ing powders before made il.
Oh. Of course we'll have TO 90. There's
no way out Of il, as long as you will persist
in roping me in for these melancholy occa-
sions It's wonder a man couldn't be al
lowed 20 spend few minutes at his home
once in a while-or in whatever apology he's
got for home.
Oh, yes, begin that now. know they're
real nice people. know that they keep out
Of Jail and pay their bills, maybe. and have
got a cute bust Of Beethoven on the man.
telpece. and all like that. But is that any
reason why | should be harried and ha-