The Topeka state journal., 1908-10-23
DEACON sPooNER.
He Attends a Funeral and Makes
Some Observations.

Friends and neighbors," said Dea-
con Spooner to the crowd gathered at
Snyder's grocery and the village post
office the other evening. 1--WE have wit
messed a sad scene today, and although
am no orator seeking to butt in on
all occasions, it seems that a few re-
marks from some one would be time
ly. We have today laid away our old
friend Abijah Lovejoy, better known
among us for many long years as Bile.
He was a boy with most of us, and
as boy and man no man can say
word against him. Honest, upright.
sympathetic and just he had scores
of friends and no enemies. 1t will al
ways be a pleasure for all of us to go
out to the graveyard and look upon
his tombstone
There may be a stranger here
among us tonight. If so, let me ex-
plain that Abijah Lovejoy came to his
death by hanging himself to the limb
of swamp-elm just back of his barn.
was the first person to discover the
body but l am not putting on any
airs or expecting to be elected to Of
flee on that account. When a man
hangs himself 1t is but natural for
people to inquire why he did it. Most
of us know why Abijah did 1t, and we
only wonder that he didn't do it years
ago.
GeulleInen, ADlJna LONeJOy mar
ried widow when he married. She
was q red-headed widow. He mar
ried without taking any of US into
his confidence. Had he come to any
None of dozen of US we should have
taken him out in the pigweeds behind
the barn and sat down and told him
what the ultimate end would be, and
perhaps diverted him from his object
But he confded in no one. The first
thing we knew he had married a red
headed widow and brought her home
and Issued invitations for all of us to
call at the house and fill up on pump
kin pie and sweet cider 1t was then
too late to say anything. The coils
were around him, and he must go on
to the end.
Gentlemen, we who have arrived
at mature age know that there are
various kinds of widows, and that
there is only one sort that men must
beware of. Marry black-haired one
IA blond-a yaller-a grey-a brown
"A betwixt-and between, but beware
of the red-headed widow. I don't
know when they first began to show
up on earth, but they are with us to-
day thicker'n 'tater-bugs and doing
a heap more damage. I am not going to
try to explain why widow with red
hair should be so much different than
all others, but rest my case upon the
fact that they are. And I'm not go
ing to say that they don't make the
best kind Of wives in the first instance
for 1 know that they do. It's between
the first and the second marriage
that the devil seems to get into 'em.
Gentlemen, I have lived among you
for the last forty years, and it is use.
less to attempt to conceal the fact from
you that I have been married five diff.
ferent times, and am now looking fol
a sixth wife.
'In speaking of red-headed widow,
I speak by the card. had one for IN,
third wife. No one had warned me
and fell into the trap, same as Abijal
did. I never expect to come across an
other woman with her balminess-hel
placidity-her beaming smiles-her evi
dent angelic temper before our mar
riage. / courted her for a year. and
sometimes felt vexed with her becaus
she wouldn't get mad when horse-file
bit her and bats tried to fly down tn
back Of her neck. used to sometimes