The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-02-23

want TO file loose an English suffrag
cite that was properly chained uD is
more than / can understand Mem
bers of the house of lords have been
especially harassed You take a noble
peer with a mind like a fruit cake,
| that's spent many calm and happy
years of his life sleeping on a bench
in the house of lords with his high hat
on; and it inks him to be suddenly
walked up by an imprisoned lady
with the gift of conversation and a
grievance, who's standing on his toes
and shaking a damp umbrella in his
face.
The King himself is said to be much
disturbed over the situation. 1t isn't
often that the King allows himself to
be disturbed. The only affair of state
which interests him every day in the
week is the menu for dinner His du-
ties largely consist in being photo
graphed for the English illustrated
weeklies and in laying corner stones.
When IL comes to laying corner stones
l regard King Edward as the prize
winning Brown Wyandotte of the world
of architecture. Otherwise he leads a
quiet and sedentary life and so natu-
rally it worries His Majesty to be call
ed away from the camera or the cor
ner stone, as the case may be, to help
passioned delegation of Vociferating
suffragetters off the front stoop of
Buckingham Palace.
IT'S like this, Larry. In England
the suffragettes are unhappy because
the authorities viii lock 'em up, and
over here they are distressed because
the authorities won't lock 'em up.
When a lady of mature years has a
yearning 10 inhabit a gloomy prison
cell, with leg irons on, and be
a martyr in defense of her
principles, and when she can
not find anybody that'I help her
along in her laudable ambition, she's
exceedingly apt to become peevish. <
martyr that's getting the hoarse haw
from the ribald populace has great
trouble looking like a real, genuine,
smoking-hot martyr off the griddle of
Persecution. There's danger of mere
ly looking foolish"
''Wot business has a woman got
messin' with politics. anyway" said
the House Detective. politics is a
grown mans game
That's the opinion held by many
other gentlemen who object to giving
women one or more votes a piece" said
the Hotel Clerk. 1.-The thought of con-
ferring the franchise upon a woman is
deeply abhorrent to the convictions of
lot of men who either go OUT of
town on election day or else decline
to vote because they'll be thrown in
contact with number of socially i'm
possible persons, if they enter the bar
Der shop or the undertaker's parlor,
where the eRulwark of our Liberties
has set upNfs liars and penates for
the time being They feel that a wom-
an could never master the intricacies
of the modern ballot because it's
blame sight more than they can mas
ter themselves.
That's one reason. Larry, why the
Tammany ticket always polls such IN
expected strength in the districts where
the Reformers live. Eustace Won Tilt
ingnose, upon being showed into a
small, ih-smelling canvas booth by a
sheriff of election who is temporarily
detached from the street cleaning de-
partment, becomes confused on unfold
ing something that looks like a Japa-
nese bed sheet. In a moment of aber-
ration he imprints mis- mark under the
emblem of the justly hated machine
and then he hurries 10. the club and
drinks eight or nine cocktails before
he feels like himself or anyone else.
He's against woman suffrage and l
don't blame him. What he needs is an
election law that will admit of his
sending his butler to vote for him.
''WOt do you suppose would happen
II women Wuz to get the right to
vOte?'' asked the House Detective.
They'd elect Fairbanks president"
said the Hotel Clerk. He has such
a roguish way of combing the hair
forward over his bald spot"