davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26
MERELY JOKING.

The Truth Of It.
the sentimentalist.
NO" answered the man who Is stcrnly
practical. you can't buy happiness. And
at the same time that fact doesn't imply
that your comfort IS enhanced by being
Observation-Disclosures Star.
Where Was Her String?
church-wha,'s that piece OF cord tied
around your finger for7>
Chapell--My wife put 1t there to remind
me to post her letter.
No; she forgot to give 1t to me.-London
Opinion.
Dubious Praise.
Grey, the art critic. came along Just MS
You mean my AT Work in the Fields
And what did Grey think OF IT."
Commended Its realism highly. Said
ton Transcript
Moved by Curiosity,
What are you going out before the cu:-
ager. clutching the arm OF the new vaud4-
vile artist who had Just made a dismal
failure.
Somebody's clapped." blurted the actor.
land l want to hnd out who 1t was
Tho Ci.Sle.
Nobody Could Understand Him.
THE new leading mans enunciation is
remarkably excellent"
Yes. and he had the greatest difficulty 10
overcome in acquiring It,"
How was that?
He was railway brakeman and called
of stations for three years"-Clevelanh
Plain Dealer.
Nothing Doing.
"I tell you must have some money!
roared the King OF Mariana. who was
in sore financial straits. Somebody will
have to cough up
"Alas! sighed the guardian OF the treas.
ury. who formerly court Jester, .'all
our Golfers are empty."--Judge.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26

On Welsh railways, says floating
para graph, the brakemen have to an
nuunce such stations as Ffestiniog,
Bettws-y-C Llandegat and PEN
maenmawr. We suppose the Welsh
commercial tourists have the most
splendidly developed ear-drums in the
world
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26

lettering to the recent visit Of King
Edward to the capital of Sweden, a
London newspaper says:
This is the first time in her history
as King Gustav remarked, that Sweden
has had The great pleasure of bidding
British monarch welcome in her cap
itai,' but this capital Is rich enough
for ali that in memorials OF the Stuart
connection with the Scandinavian
Kin gdom. The Riddarholmkirke is full
OF the war trophies captured by the
Scottish regiments of the great Gus
tayus, who had more than 10000 Scots
testant cause: While the Book of the
Swedish Nobility which the tourist
may peruse close by. contains such
names as Douglas. Hamilton, Leslie.
Ogilvie, and Sinclair These sover-
eiSns OF the spear all found their way
to Stockholm"
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26
STATE PRESS
Tucker Not "Out ~ IN. yyav.,

Iucker Not "Out of tho Way
| Ing vote in the valley and in Underwater,
s ana VIII VIII be- noLular candidate al over s,,
Wv state. fron. present Indications no W,
s f carry THIS county, ana perhaps ,ns
. rsn!nsu wa OF VIRGINIA lie was mere VIC
o o..'. gay. ana was ono OF mo most en-
asea canaidhtes4 we nave ever aeen'
anu nc nag just returned from an eS
nr, ZIP .nrougn me vMey anu Nof'h-
"" anpton monitor.
~. ~.
Onc OF tue worst.
The curse OF this age is tho special
Legislator; the. man who. representing some
special interest, 10 attempting to make n
in order to 10 40, viii make any deal
OF o., any sort with men who represent othnr
speeiai ihterests.--Northcrn Neck NeWs
p,,,v,. s.., 9
Atu . et"ted.
a good deal has been said about instruct
Ing delegates to conventions, Why not?
Delegatest are chosen to REPRESENT the Will
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26
Says nrynn Is Money ,1nd.

II. H. kohlsaat the former editor
OF chicago, after n call at the White
rouse recently. said he believed that
bryan would withdraw from the race
tor the Democratic nomination and
throw his Influence for one OF his RI
Vais. Mr, kohlsaat said:
IN my opinion, Bryan is money
mad. understand that he has ac-
eumulated about 100000, and when a
man gets that much money he begins
mat II Is necessary to acquire a round
Sl.oo0,oOO' Bryan must appreciate that
his Nalne as a lecturer and writer viii
be gone II he Is nominated ana de-
fcated for the third time. lie viii go
down into history with three political
disasters as the chief thing to be re-
menlbered by.
ION the other hand. II he sacrifices
his political prospects by urging the
nomination of another man, he Will
be hailed as a great patriot, and his
worth as q lecturer and publisher VIII
go inward with great bound, He
viii be q bigger drawing card than
eyer on the lecture stage, and will be
able TO pick UP the other 100000 he
is after ! fully expect him to With
draw.p.-New York American.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26

why do not women do more serious
demands Mrs. Carrie Chap
man Gait, Very possibly because Mrs.
Gait Is doing enough Of it for the
crowd
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26
lkeNtlvAsneAA.

Mere restlessncss is not matter for
which physicians arc often consulted.
II Is, on the face OF it.an unimportant
malay. but when It exists in sufficient
plant, and to induce the sufferer To
peek advice, / IL usually found To ps
The superficial Indication OF a grave
4nderlyins condition.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26

We submit that the man who would
be mayor OF Timpson, Texas. for 81 q
year is the most mercenary and
money-grubbing character yet muck,
raked into the limelight.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26

The Boston Transcript, in discussing
what the country would do If Pres
ident went off his head while in office,
might have had the courtesy to say
that 1t intended nothing personal.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26

A lot Of nice people are apt to forge
the de mortuis nil nlsi >bonum
theory, when they start thinking abo,l
that monument to Matt s. Quay.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26

Don't be too hard on the trusts May
be they never had mother or enjoyed
the many advantages which you, dear
reader, had from the start.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26

Incidentally, few hundred thou
sand idle men, out OF n job for half
a year on a stretch, would doubtless
have raised considerable cain in some
countries.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26

1t isga great pity that William Loeb,
Jr., personally does not care FOR Col
stewart
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26

Any one can dig up a rich relative
says Kansas contemporary, evidently
with It's eye on Laporte. Ind.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26

Governor Hughes Will not accept second
place. Will President Roosevelt accept
first place. sun it will be possible 10
make up ticket.-Chcago News.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26

Now and then the Messrs Wright OF
Cleveland. must get good impression
or how 1t feels to be the cost OF liz.
ing
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26

delegates II he would explore certain
farm near Laporte. in his State.-St. Louis
PoSt.DiSpatch
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26
Rhymes for To-Day
THE COSTLY INJURY.

THE COSTLY LUXURY.
3@ONGREss might MS we'll adjourn
Where's a reason for delaying
Who could feel more grim con.
At its going than It's staying?
Last week was the date they'd set
Now they've started to postponing:
Can't they Pipe to our regret?
Can't they hear our low. tlerce moan.
ing7
Congress- aims are only two
Neither one is very funny:
Ones to Jaw TIL they grow blue,
Ones to spend a lot OF money.
They've no time for doing work.
They've no time for legislation,
No. they break round OF shirk
Only for Appropriation.
six months walking round ring,
Shipping seeds for recreation,
They don't do a blooming thing
All they do is do the nation.
Congress really should adjourn
Far from Washingtons great hall.
ways
And nobody'd give durn
II they swore to stay off always.
II. s. H.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26

In the churchyard where lie the
bodies OF Sir Henry Campbell Banner
man and his wife are Celtic monu.
ments whose meaning is lost in
puzzle OF strange craven symbols care
fully preserved in the church. Scottish
Kings, from Macbeth UPWARDS, have
marched their armies within arrow
shot in their adventures around the
Castle of Glamis and Macbeth Castle
on Dunsinane Hill.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26
unrd "a Tnlk-No snco,xcn.,

Ilnru 2, 4 1nn 2 ~ sneM1Kcuns,
once at the White House. have been
full and complete except In one par
,tlcular, They have failed to state what
the oy GpWernor ~ south
ATLANTA IQErnah III -lglNsa AZ. .
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26

Georgia politics is Brown study" say.
the Norfolk Landmark. Thanks: thought 1t
was Hoax Myth.-BristoI Herald Courier.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26
REMARKS FROM THE s1DELINEs.

"A n AYBE there is relief in sight for
M W W nI5s soaiss IS s5ss al
say /; Is. thereJ,vill be just enough
to supply materia, for the prune jokes
y,oa,sfpn pnst
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26

It Will be observed in the South that
whenever Mr.. Ordinary Everyday Democrat
gets his mouth to the meganhone he yels
"B-r-y-a-n!"-Was Herald.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26

The changes that are constantly
Transforming the appearance Of Lon
don are almost Kaleidoscope in char
acter, according to the London Chron-
icle. That best remnant Of the city'a
old time sylvan suburbs, Denmark Hill.
that preserved a country road like
ness within few minutes walk Of
South London slumland is changing
with the rest. and at the present time
housebreakers are busy clearing away
former homes of wealthy city men,
Their place is to be occupied by Kings
college Hospital. Fortunately. a beau
tiful park has been formed where
other stately mansions stood year
or two ago. and trees have been plant
cd so literally on both sides OF the
its close connection with 5Ruskin, will
retain its sylvan charm, though other
old-tme features-its solitude among
them-are disappearing, giving placn
Now York Globe
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26

Senator Beveridge is known to the friends
OF the tariff as the greatest common re-
viser.-New York Mail.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26

Prince Won Buelow has just reached
the. age of ffty-nine. BY a curious CO.
Incidence Prince Buelow was born IN
Holstein On the death day OF Max
schneckennurger, the poet of the
'Wacht am Rhein"-a song which was
the moral equivalent OF several army
corps to the Germans during their war
with France. Thus the patriotic spirit
of Schneckenburger a South German,
may be said to have passed into the
body Of Buelow, North German, to
animate him in the performance OF his
appointed Network.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26

The Bristol Herald Cour!e, doesn't believe
that If Opportunity should knock at Judge
Parker's door again he would rush out and
Kick 1t off the premises Possibly not: but
the Democratic party would doubtless kick
Opportunity into the middle of next week
once MISREPRESENTATION Post.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26

A London physician says too much talk
ing engenders nervous disorders. Especially
In the people who have to listen to it,
Washington Herald.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26
All in His Favor.

To-morrow-The New San Francisco.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26

Where's a reason for delaying
Who could feel more grim con-
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26
Mr.. Jeukin. Replies.

Richmond. Va, May IS, 1908.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-26
Where wa. Her strinr9
Dubious Praise.

Moved by Curiosity,
What are you going out before the cu:-
thin again for?" demanded the stage man
ngcr. clutching the arm OF the new vaud4-
vile artist, who had just made a dismal
The San Francisco call., 1908-08-26
FEATURES PLANNED
FOR THE BENEFIT
Haig Patigan's Splendid Poster
Drawing Will Be Sold at
Brusie Performance

Friends of the late Judson c. Brusie,
the clubman and playwright, are rally
ing strongly in support or the benefit
to his widow which is to be held at
the Van Ness theater on Friday after
noon, August 2S. The benefit will be
under the auspices Of the Family. the
Olympic, the Corinthian and the Mer-
chants Exchange clubs of this city, and
the conjunction of these popular or
ganizations is a guarantee of a full
house. A feature of the benefit will be
the sale of Haig Patigans poster for
the benefit.
The best among the professional and
amateur talent of the city will con-
tribute to the program. Among those
who have volunteered are Christina
Nelson, Mackenzie Gordon and L. A.
Larsen, who will sing a trio; Ferris
Hartman and other favorites from the
Princess theater; Tom Persse of the
American; Fred S. Knight, Charles c.
Trowbridge, James r. Miller and Clar-
ence r. Ward of the Family club, who
will present Frank Matthew's sketch,
It's All in the Draw" Herschel Mayall,
Edna Ellsmere, Mrs. Richard ,Rees,
Elmer Booth, Ernest Glendinning,
Frank Hooper, Fay Beal, Percy Kahn
and others Will introduce entertaining
acts which will serve to draw lovers
of the theater to the Brusie benefit
The San Francisco call., 1908-08-26
MERCHANTS ORGANIZE
TO PROTECT TERRITORY
Traffic Bureau Will Try to Stop
EnCrOachment of Los
Angeles Firms

Commercial supremacy in that por-
tion of this state north of Tehachapi
will be the prize for which the traffic
bureau of the Merchants exchange will
fight against Los Angeles. This after
noon meeting of the traffic bureau OF
the Merchants exchange will be held
and 1t was stated yesterday at ex-
change headquarters that a permanent
organization will be formed. The meet
ing is scheduled to take place at 2:SO
o'clock on the floor of the Merchants
exchange.
chairman of the bureau. Los Angeles
merchants have encroached upon the
trading territory served by San Fran
cisco merchants. Reference was made
to the fact that Los Angeles wholesale
houses have gradually extended their
shipping territory northward from Te-
hachapi until 1t reached Bakersfield
and Rithet states the southern mer-
chants have encroached upon territory
farther north.
After permanent organization is ef-
fected a committee of nine members
will appoint q traffic manager whose
duties shall consist of preventin 6
future encroachment upon San Fran
cisco territory.
The San Francisco call., 1908-08-26
POLICE COMMISSIONERS
INSPECT LOTTERY DENS
Will Be Able to Deal InteIIi-
gently With Petitions
of Chinese

The police commissioners and Chief
Biggy drove to Chinatown yesterday
Afternoon IN the chiefs automobile and
made a thorough inspection of the dis
trict. All the places used for gambling
and lottery tickets which had been
closed through the exertions Of Ser
geant Matheson and his Chinatown
squad were examined and the ingenious
devices utilized for giving warning by
the loOkouts and the secret means of
escape when raided by the police were
shown to the commissioners.
After the inspection was over the
commissioners expressed their satisfac-
tion with the work Of the squad, par
ucularly in exterminating gambling
and lottery ticket selling in that sec
ton Of the city. The inspection will
put the commission in a position to
deal intelligently with the petitions
fled by Chinese at the meeting last
Thursday night protesting against the
eutocratic work of Sergeant Matheson
and his squad.
The San Francisco call., 1908-08-26
RUEF'S SCHEME TO
DELAY TRIAL FAILS
Efforts to PrOIOng Hearing on
Judge Law4Or's QuaIifica-
tons Are Thwarted
FiIibustering Tactics of AttOr-
ney for Curly Boss Bring
Clash With Heney

Abe Ruefs efforts. made through the
facile medium of Henry Ach, TO pro-
long the hearing on the qualifications
Of Superior Judge William p. Lawlor
10 sit in the bribery cases, were
thwarted yesterday by the court at a
session which was enlivened with an
electric storm generated by Ach and
Assistant District Attorney Heney.
The lightning which flashed about for
a few moments did no damage, how
ever.
Ruef's scheme for postponing still
further his day Of trial was In the
form of a motion filed with the court
10 the effect that statements made IN
the afidavits of Heney, William j.
Burns and District Attorney Langdon
were false and that he desired to put
those persons on the stand under cross
examination. In the motion, which was
signed by Ruef and read by Ach. he
asked the opportunity Of producing in
open court Rev Jacob Nieto and Rev.
Bernard Kaplan, that their statements
might be given and the case delayed
still more. Ach intimated that the ac-
complished ex-boss would like to put
Judge Lawlor and Judge Dunno on
the stand.
The court ruled that under the law
all evidence bearing on the qualifica-
tions Of judge must be submitted on
afhdavitS and counter aff1davitS, and
that Ruefs scheme was out of order.
Ach promised to have a cluster Of af-
fidavits TO present in court today at
y o'clock, when the hearing Will be
resumed
Ach opened the proceedings with a
hypercritical discussion of the use by
Judge Lawlor of the adverb short
modifying time" LaWlor ruled that
The word was rightly employed
that he was not given full time to
consider the affidavits served on him
by Heney. Heney disputed some of
Ach's reputed movements on the day
Of service.
I can account for my time to the
satisfaction even of Mr.. Heney," retort-
ed Ach. and the courtroom loungers
who had been drawn hither by the
trial of q disgusting criminal case
laughed with Ruefs counsel
Heney replied, You can probably
account for your time even TO the sat
isfactiOn Of your hirelings whom you
have put in the courtroom and who
should be excluded"
The two attorneys flashed back hot
words and the friction was intense
when Judge Lawlor quieted the storm.
Both Heney and Lawlor chafed under
the flibustering Of Ach. Heney de-
clared several times that the prose-
cution was ready to proceed with the
trial of Ruef and the court declared
that anything calculated to interfere
With the trial would be set aside.
The San Francisco call., 1908-08-26
FINISH APPEAL ON BRIEFS
thinner Trial Will Be CompIet-
ed on Paper

It was arranged yesterday that the
appeal Of E. J. thinner. vice president
OF the Pacific telephone company, from
his conviction of contempt and three
months Imprisonment, which was
partly argued before Judge Buck on
Monday, should be completed on briefs.
This was decided upon because As
sistant District Attorney James NJ.
Hanley was engaged in the trial of
James Treadwell before Judge Conley
and could not appear before Judge
Buck to reply to Joseph J. Dunn's con-
tentions.
Dunn, who spoke on behalf of Zim-
mer for two hours on Monday. has still
some further arguments to make.
When he has filed these in brief form
Hanley viii prepare a brief in reply.
The San Francisco call., 1908-08-26
BISHOP FANS But
MAKES A BIG hit
Right Rev. William Ford Nichols
Captains "Has Beens' to
Victory at Tahoe
Churchman'S Fielding Wins
Plaudits, but His Stick Work
Hush, Gentle Reader
Two strikes had been the batter's fate;
The pitcher raised his hand;
The spheroid swished across the plate
And Bishop Nichols famed.


With a fielding average of 1000 and
a batting average of 0. Bishop William
Ford Nichols of the Episcopal diocese
of California has broken into the ranks
of the stars of the baseball diamond.
A brief fortnight ago his name was un-
known to the hall of fame which shell
ters the immortal regulations of gen
erations of ball tossers and bat WELD
ers, but now it bids fair to become
emblazoned with those of a sacred few
premier big leaguers."
Only one thing stands In the way.
Bishop Nichols has proved himself ca
pable of playing perfect fielding
game. but he can't bat. At least he
failed to connect with the ball in the
one game which has so far been
checked to his credit. He eyed the OPP
posing pitcher calmly he swung the
hickory nightly; rumor even has 1t
that he spat upon the ground in the
most approved baseball fashion, yet,
somehow, nothing happened-nothing
except the umpires raucuous cry of
Batter outv
Circumstances helped the fielding
record along, or. at least, failed to
jeopardize it, for Bishop Nichols played
center field and all the hits were in
field, right or left. He didn't have a
single chance to scoop up a hot
grounder or gather one in out of the
sky. and the clean record with which
he went into the game was intact at
the finish.
The history making game was played
few days ago at Glenbrook on Lake
Tahoe. and on the field was an aggre-
cation of talent that ran the gamut
from bishop to bellboy. Bishop Nichols
team adopted the title of Has Beens."
and faced as opponents the redoubt
able Feather Busters" Whether or
no 1t was the bishops playing that did
1T, the Has Beens" won a magnificent
victory in seven innings over the
busters" by a score of 20 to
II. Visitors at the summer re-
sort composed the audience that wit
messed the royal struggle, and far
above all the other idols of the field
stood Bishop Nichols. Each time as he
strode to the plate, waving his hand
and shouting to the fielders Get back
away back.' fair faces smiled ap-
proval, bright eyes flashed admiration
and dainty hands clapped encourage
ment. And then the bishop famed.
Several other prominent players took
part in the game, among them Dr. Wal
lace of Oakland. Louis Beedy Of the
law firm of Thomas, Gerstle, Frick &
Beedy; Clarence w. Coburn of the
Whittier-Coburn company; number of
well known eastern business and pro-
fessional men. and two bellhops.
The San Francisco call., 1908-08-26
WORKS BOARD PLANS To
TRY ACCUSED EMPLOYEES
To Hear Charges Against Men
on Pay Roll in Place of Civil
Service Commission

The board of public works will in
future hear all charges made against
employees of the board. Formerly when
charges were preferred against any of
the public works employees, they were
heard by the civil service department.
That department has been so busy of
late that the works board has decided
70 Try the cases and recommend what
vice commissioners
Should the board OF works decide to
suspend or expel any employe, such
action Will be brought to the notice of
the civil service commissioners who
can either approve the decision or order
another hearing.
The San Francisco call., 1908-08-26
BIG TRACT OF
LAND SOLD

The first thousand acres of irrigated
land in Glenn county planted by us to
alfalfa, with the crops going to the
purchaser. have been sold. We are
fortunate, however. in being able to
secure 200 acres additional lying right
along the west side of and adjoining
the thousand acres which we have just
sold. which will be sold on the same
terms and conditions, planted by us to
alfalfa at our expense and irrigated
and sold with guarantee to grow
crop on the land this fall, at the price
OF Sl25 an acre. Terms: $3.50 an acre
down and $3.50 an acre each month.
The Alfalfa Farms Company. 4O3 Mo-
nadnock building. invites persons who
might wish to know more about this
pure sediment land under irrigation to
write them for booklet or call at
the Office OF the company for particu-
lars.
The San Francisco call., 1908-08-26
SOLDIER Acquitted OF BuRcr,ARv

Harry Cook, a private in the First
corps OF engineers at the Preside. who
years of age, was acquitted by a Jury
in Judge. Dunpe's court yesterday Of
attempt 10 commit burglary. On the
the roof of the drug store at 1917
Union street He had been drinking ali
day Lieutenant C. H. Wright, Ser
fed yesterday to the excellent charac-
ter of Cook.
The San Francisco call., 1908-08-26
nance on the Wnter

Aboard the big ship Balboa at Santa
Cruz. Southern Pacific's excursion
leaves Sunday, August 80. Round trip
50. Special trains from Third and
Townsend streets depot 7:2O a. m;
Oakland. First and Broadway, 7:30
g. m Many attractions to help you
spend a joyful day-rowing. boating.
surf bathing. launch riding, penny ar
cade. board walk. Ticket Offices. SS4
Market street. II Powell street, Third
and Townsend streets; and Thirteenth
and Franklin streets. Oakland