The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-02-23
The Hotel Clerk or Suffragettes
BY IRWIN S. COBB.

Il seen a mighty funny thing a bit
ago. comm through Madison square, .
SAID the House Detective of the Hotel
st. Reckless.
What was ito" asked the Hotel
Clerk. "a breadline of recent million
aires or a society baby attended by its
mother, or lady with a collection of
dead song birds on her hat driving
behind a dock-tailed horse to the So
clety for the Prevention of Cruelty to
Animals, to complain because some
body has been feeding a canary Ger
man verbs to make it sing Wagner"
II wuz lady, all right" said the
House Detective. "EeastWise, she wuz
mainly dressed like a lady. A square
Jawed lady she wuz, with one of these
here faces that looks like as if it wuz
set with a time clock TO go off at 4
o'clock. She wuz standin' on a box
taikin' to an audience composed of
three other ladies similar to herself,
messenger boy with n package
marked Rush" and couple of them
literary gents that reside on park
bapches. and read cast-off newspapers
fur a hYin.
'She wuz carryin' on. very excited
about the wrongs of some down-trod
sex or other, when a cop come along.
She opened right out and dared him
to arrest her and put her In a gloomy
dungeon, but all he done wuz to sug-
gest that mebbe he'd better get her
a dipper of water from the fountain,
seem as how she seemed to be gettin'
kinder hoarse and het-up. But she
wouldn't have It, and so 1 come
away. l wonder what allied her?"
she must have been one of the suf-
fragettes,' said the Hotel Clerk.
Yes, l knowed that jest from look
in at her" said the House Detective,
but wot particular trouble dye think
she was sufferin' from. Wotever it
wuz, ii was sure serious
your llisundertand me, Larry"
expOunded the Hotel Clerk. "Suf-
fragetting is a complaint. not a dis
ease. although il has alarming and
distressing symptoms and many of
the patients never recover. 1t rarely
attacks one of the nice. coy little
giggle-girls that's got a good figure,
and plenty of her own hair. and
regular beau TO bring her flowers and
theatre tickets. Most of the victims
I've heard about are strOng-minded
ladies with features to match that
have been disappointed through get
ting the wrong kind of husband OF
not getting any at all. You know the
variety of lady / mean. Larry? She
has double s0les on her spectacles
ana her walking SHOES, and she wears
mans standing collar that don't fit
her. and a packet that's suffering
from the hair-lip. and a shirt waist
that don't make the proper connection
With the skirt, so that the casual OBJ
server is moved by pity and feels like
taking off his suSDenders and offering
'em to her, and a dress that says
down behind and drags on the earth
like kangaroo getting ready to jump.
In short, Larry, a suffragette is a fe-
male who wants the right to vote and
must have it between now and 3
o'clock this afternoon. Tomorrow
morning before breakfast won't do.
It's got to be done right away or
therell be remarks, and somebodyll
go 10 the hospital suffering from ner-
VOus prOstratiOn of the ear drums"
"Oh. now I know what you're driv-
in at" said the House Detective
why didn't you say, so? They used
TO call 'em Equal Fighters, because
they believed in equal rights for them
selves and none at all for the men.
But since wen did they start in to
maxim speeches in the parks and dar-
in policemen to arrest emp
It's pleasing custom that comes
over TO us from England. where the
new outdoor sport of suffragetting
originated" said the Hotel Clerk.
"Over there the movement has Great
ed great excitement and much feeling
Suffra getting ladies have been invad-
ing parliament and getting themselves
locked up and claiming themselves to
ratings outside of government build
ings and forcing the police to file 'em
loose, although why anybody should