The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-11-10
DRIFT WOOD

around in a roller chair and watch others waiting to spend 1t for you. Stella--Is Jack discouraged since he has been forbidden the house? Bella--oh. no--tee. hee--it wasn'tlthe house he wanted. Nelson had just won the battle of T think I'll just use little diplo- macy and keep out Of my biography the fact that I accomplished 1t by means of nalf-Nelson. ,,t.. Gas bad English jokes usually areS he quietly lit cheroot.
 
 It's a wise mother that knows her own child in this day of petted, pam pered and perfumed poodie-dogs. Of course. the strap is the Trunk The tailor's goose doesn't always lay the golden egg.
 You can fool some of the people all the time but you can't fool your wife telling her yea have to sit up with sick friend any of the time.
 The happiest hour of maiden
 Is the time she becomes a bride, But the happiest hour of a candidate
 Is when he can point with pride Who was it said woman has no head for figures? He was dead wrong: dressmakers disprove that assertion every day.
 Funny, but just at the time the doc- tor says we are beginning to mend, he sends along his bill and we begin to go broke. If the hairs of our head are numbered As the world seems to agree Every hair on the bald-head man Must have been twenty-three.
 The cobbier'a favorite fruft-pairs. You fellows who brag on your youth and vitality just read this:
 Mrs. Lydia Rein. aged s4 years. of ed twenty-three shocks of corn and returned home"
 GAS to whether she returned home in a hearse. however. the news item ''rhat high h-sehOoi girl has started "dee-I didn't think she, had the cheek to do it,"
 For every ton of gold in circulation there are fifteen tons of silver, and as to how many tons of trouble they both bring we aren't prepared to state Possibly the most miserable woman in the world Is she with a poor hus- band and 2 yaQlting social ambition" for she keeps the poor husband on the Jump--so we presume that's where the 'vaulting" comes fin,
 The latest question going the rounds Is, How much wine should a perfect lady drink?" We think she should call It a sufficiency when she feels like climbing upon the table and making a Of course these newspaper accounts of the wonderful nation of China and her gifts to the American fleet on the recent visit there, make good read ing. but the average mans personal Knowledge of the Chinaman is summed up in taking his laundry around the corner and getting Q ticket or pro- ducing the ticket and forking over the Every time a new. young man calls. the girl who wouldn't know a frying pan from a waffle griddle gets terribly domestic In the trend of her converse tton.-
 Motto of the amateur seamstress: What you sew so shall you rip.
 
 When a bank employe can't live within his income sometimes he is forced to live within prison walls.
 Women. are such generous crea- lures: They. won't eveu keep a secret but hasten to share it with others. There is a certain girl In Montgom- cry who has never felt the pinch of poverty. but whose shoes make up for will have to invest in pair of crutches shortly if she doesn't get a larger number.
 The Symptoms, When you're feeling glad and sad by
 turns,
 When down in your heart there's a something yearns.
 You don't know what, but 1t aches and You're in love. my boy you're in love. When you feel like spending your last To cause some joy and content,
 meant.
 You're in love- my boy, you're in love. When a hve-pound box you haste to Of bon bons her sweet lips" to try. That she feeds to some other guy
 You're in love, my boy, you're in love.
 -P. H. A. Replying to Ours of Recent Date. A woman will get fighting mad if you stare at her on the street. but deep down in her heart (where noi horrid man can see) will be tfckled to death to think that she is good look ing enough to draw the masculine gaze.-Montgomery Advertiser.
 Yes; it's a blum St. Louis (Mo.) Times.
 Lives of great men oft remind us. How we buy them when we can, Then departing leave behind us, Debts on the installment plan.
 -Driftwood Armstrong! Lives of rich men oft remind us, How they "scooped" their pile or
 "rocks"-
 Showed us prospects, proofs that Sold us wads of watered stocks.
 -Attalla (Ala.) Herald, Phil Armstrong reaches the end of the rope when he hands it out that dynamite will remove ink srains from d carpet. Perhaps he's making use of the theory In his Eanctum sanctorum. Anyhow. he's growing a bit wild, (We forgot that all Montgomery blondes observe leap year )-Clio (Ala.) Free Press.
 Drift Armstrong says rich men sometimes have poor appetites. Of the stomach, maybe. but not Of the pocket Houston (Texas) Post.