davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-08
SAD FArE OF a HuN1oR1sr.

Bert Skaggs. a humble son of Ken
lucky. whose fame. if any, has hitherto
been exclusively local. deserves better
things of the country at large. Know
ledge of him is derived from the en-
tertaining columns of the Louisville
Courier-Journal. There it is learned
that he is in the penitentiary under
an indeterminate sentence as an habit
ual criminal after he had told the court,
in an application for a pardon, that
'Grayson county is so poor that it is
necessary for a man who lives there
to steal a little to keep body and soul
together"
The virtuous wrath of the Courier
Journal flames up to a great height
over the statement. 1t proves, to its
own satisfaction. that the United
States consumes more food per capita
than any European or Asiatic country.
Nothing is easier" it declares didac-
tically, than for a single man to make
good living for himself if he is in
good health"
This is all very true. but it may not
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-08

From the Philadelphia Record.1
Two can also live as extensively as
one.
No. Maude. dear. to crack a Joke
doesn't always damage it.
Many a man loses his head who
hasn't any brains to spare.
Lots of good Intentions are only car
ried out after they are dead.
A biganist is simply a man who has
more wives than brains.
The average bore is not easily rat
tied. In fact, you can't even shake
him.
Even when your cake is all dough
you will find that lots of people are
out for the dough.
After all, it may be better to be paid
back in your own coin than never to
be paid back at all.
1t Is quite natural for the attendant
in an insane asylum to claim that ev-
erybody is crazy about MIN.
The fact that there are germs In
money doesn't prevent the average man
from taking chance at becoming an
invalid.
Harduppe-'T want money. ard 1
want it bad" Wagg-"Sorry, old chan.
but 1 haven't any counterfeit with
me-"
There are more ways than one to
kill cat" quoted the Wise Guy. Yes
there must be nine ways" said the
Simple Mug.
On a windy day it is quite trying
for a woman to attempt to hold up ;le-
skirt, hold on her hat and hold her
tongue all at once.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-08
JHYHAWKER EOTS

Garden City has quit talking about
its prospective railroads long enough
to call attention to the growth in pop
ulation of F'inney county.
Mrs. G. w. Finley, of Independence.
has a plant to be proud Of It's night
blooming cereus that had fifteen bios
SONS on it the other night.
Wichita's court house is to be equip
ped with a telephone exchange OF its
very own. AS usual the janitor will
play the goat. or in other words he viii
act as the hello girl"
Hutchinson is making rigid inspec-
ton of its milk cows, and by the time
the inquiry is through it expects to
know how many are named 'Bossy,"
and how many Spot
There's nothing very remarkable
about a person leaving town for a
trip. This is not the case with Mrs.
Lolita Lane of Ottawa. She left there
the other day for Chicago. It's the
first time that she has been outside the
city limits % ottawa in forty years.
A Barton county farmer is discov-
cred who thinks his corn will go so
bushels to the acre. 1.-THE man." sug-
gests the Garden City Telegram, who
wanted to know what had become of
the fairy tales concerning corn, this
year. should make the acquaintance of
this man."
With their usual perspicacity the
Atchison papers are telling about an
egg on display in a window in the town
that is the smallest egg ever seen in
those parts. But they forget to tell Il
hungry public how large, or how small
it is. It's sufficient probably that the
newspapers know its size.
A Valley Falls editor who goes to the
depot every day to gather personals"
for his paper is subject to this SHOCK
to his nerves: Every day." he says,
some one comes near getting seriously
hurt at the Santa Fe depot here, on ac-
count of people crowding each other on
the platform, with the apparent idea
that unless they are first on the train
they will not be allowed to ride"
THE fall rendered him unconscious
and it looked like a serious case, but
DR.. Rogers went out and Strengthened
him up so there will be no danger but
what he will be able to get out in
time to vote for Bryan" says a west
ern Kansas editor in reporting an ac-
cident If the editor has made a cor
rect guess as to what the man will do
when he "gets out" it still looks like a
serious case, says Charlie Blakesley,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-08

Several mysterious shootings with
resultant deaths, mostof them murders
in all probability have occurred with
in the past week or SO in different
parts of the country and in each in
stance the press reports state that the
police who are investigating them are
working in the Lark." It's most
respectfully suggested that the police
get out in the light and perhaps the
discovery of clues and other import
ant things in connection with the
crimes will be facilitated.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-08
JOURNAL ENTRIES

It's easier for a woman to change her
complexion than her gown to make
them harmonize.
Why is it that the man who is most
inconsolable over the loss of his wife
soon marries again?
A dog would be justified in getting
mad after taking a bite out of some
people because of their sourness,
Y 4
It's a peculiar fact that law has
to be broken before it can be ascertain
ed whether or not it is any good.
\ y X
The girl who insists that she Will
never marry until she gets an excellent
proposal soon drops the excellent.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-08

Within week or so all of the
schools and colleges in Kansas will be
open again. On the whole they are
all excellent institutions and are
adequately equipped for the great task
that is imposed upon them. There
are few states in the Union so well
supplied with public institutions of
learning as is Kansas and the people
of the state are not slow to take ad-
vantage of this fact as is evidenced
by the large enrolment of their chill
dren in all of the grades of the
schools in the commonwealth.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-08

Reports come from Chicago that a
concentrated effort is to be made to
defeat Uncle Joe Cannon in his con-
test for reelection to the house of
representatives from the Eighteenth
congressional district of Illinois.
The same sort of efforts have been
chronic every two years almost since
the time that Uncle Joe first served in
congress and with but one exception
they have been just about as unavail-
ing as there is every indication that
this one will be.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-08
THE GAME OF LIFE

Some poets say life's but stage;
differ with those bards,
For believe. this life 20 De
More like a pack of cards.
We have some Kings and also Queens,
We have some Knaves. tits true
we find some two spots here and there
And Jokers quite a few.
Some men and women have their clubs
some diamonds have TO show:
Some men are good at using spades
We all have hearts. we know.
A man is sometimes called a trump
When we'll he plays his part;
"A girl turns down a trump because
She'll not discard a heart.
-YOnkers Statesman
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-08
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR,
IFrom the New York Press1

LFrom the New York Press.1
The more suitors a girl has the mora
she wants one to be who isn't.
The way for g. wife to make her hus-
band have sweet temper is not to have
one herself.
If people knew as much as tbav
think they know they'd be even worss
bores than they are.
"A woman can i've very happily on
cash to buy a mans drinks and csrars
The thing that makes a girl hannte.t
about having curly hair is for 1t 10 he
on the right mans shoulder,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-08
R'UI4L LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS.

One of the latest New York stories
to demand attention is that of native
Of that town who was trying to eat
500 CLAIMS at one sitting and who lost
a bet of $40 by choking on the five
hundred and ninety-eighth clam. All
who believe this story are privileged
TO stand on their left ears.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-08

Chicago is having a fight with
everybodys old friend the book trust.
The casus belli is a school reader
called Child Life" which the book
trust demands that Chicago shall pay
for at the rate of twenty cents a
copy. This same book is sold by the
trust in Indiana for 10 cents a copy.
At least the book is the same
but the one being foisted on Chicago
has a cover design in the shape of a
girl with bright red skirt on. This
bright red garment is appraised by
the book trust at ten cents per gar
ment. The Indiana boys and girls
get the same book for ten cents but
they don't get any red skirts with
theirs. Considering various things
that the book trust has done in Kan
sas it's not difficult to understand its
mental Vaccinations to the effect that
the value of this reader as a school
book is enhanced ten cents because of
the flaming dress on it's cover.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-08

This war game that the soldiers
are playing at Fort Riley certainly de-
mands exceedingly vivid imaginations
on the part of the participants. Think
of an invading host coming to a river
in its path. Over it are fine, sub
stantial bridges. But the progress of
the invasion is halted, for these
bridges have been blown up, fig
uratively speaking, by the opposing
force. Great game, isn't it?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-08

That great question concerning
helps toward longevity seems to be
quite as much in the air as it ever
was. Not long ago a man died at the
ripe old age of 1O2. He gave great
credit for his long life 10 the fact that
he never took a bath. But along
came a woman who died more recent
ly at the age of 10S and she insisted
that her long life was due to the fact
that she had taken a bath in cold
water every day for more years than
she could conveniently remember.
Evidently it's case of pay your
money and take your choice but place
your dependence on a long life on
luck, or other unknown reasons.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-08

Carrie Nations TRADE against will
liam H. Taft loses any force it might
have had because in the next breath
she declares that President Roosevelt
IS the biggest fraud this country has
had in any office in its history. At
ter making this estimate of Roosevelt
any estimate that Carrie might make
of Mr.. Taft or anyone else loses all of
ITS force
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-08

Springield's special grand jury,
which investigated the recent dis
astrous and disgracefuI race riots
there, certainly got right down to
brass tacks when it returned indict-
ments against four policemen for fail
ing to do their duty in helping to sup
press some of the rioting. In its final
report the grand jury delivered a
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-08
HUM0R OF THE DAY

A Clever Questionable you write
hand?" "Of course" Yes, wrote"
That's strange. 1 supposed papa
would be terribly angry. You know
he doesn't like you" Yes, / know.
But I fixed It all right IL didn't
sign the letter. "--CIeyeland Plain
Dealer.
Sillicus-Do you believe he has had
a university education? He doesn't
talk like college man. Cynicus-Oh,
you can't always tell. have known
many a college man who talked like
entleman.-Philadelp Record.
Pa-Sometimes I get discouraged
about Willie. Ma-What's the mat
ter, now? Pa-Here he is IL years old
and he can't throw an outcurve yet
Newark News.
The Curate-Good gracious, Giles,
Whatever makes you keep such a
spfteful old cat as that? Giles-Well,
SCR, you see, it's like this-I've felt a
bit lonely since my old woman died
London Opinion.
with all his faults, he had consid-
cradle public spirit" II never heard
anything about that" "He was
boaster. But he never made a prac-
tice of getting his hair cut on Satur-
day afternoon. kansas City Journal
81 hear that the supply of Ameri-
can heiresses is limited" 1.-THE supply
of the one / married is: her father
only settled half a million on her.
Houston Post.
A japanese saying runs: woman is
an unmangeable creature; flatter her,
she is elated; thrash her, she weepeth;
kill her, her spirit haunts you" We
would suggest that the best remedy is
to love her.-The News.
His Proper Calling-Short-I guess
you couldn't let me have $40 for a
week, could you? Long--Say, you
ought to be able to make a fortune
at the race track. Short-Why? Long
You are such a good guesser.-
Chicago News.
Extreme Friendliness - Senator
Crane came smiling from the White
House. you must have hit If off
pretty well with the president" re-
marked friend. "EIHt it off! 1 should
| say So" answered the senator. ''Why,
| he was so good-natured that he un-
consciously called me Mr.. Stork'-
Philadelphia Ledger.
The young man carefully removed
the cigars from his vest pocket and
placed them on the piano. Then he
opened his arms. But the young girl
did not f1utter to them. you" she
said coldly, have loved before
Record Herald.
"I see man intends to let a rattle
snake bite him and depend on prayer
for a cure. 1 call that faith" 81 call
it cruelty to animals. unless some
body's going to pray for the snake af-
ter it's bitten such a fool as that
Philadelphia Record.
"All men are born equal" remark
ed the Hberal-minded man. Yes"
answered Barker; but there is a yell
low streak in human nature that
makes lot of them insist on staying
that way."-Washington Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-08
Sues for Lightning Stroke.

Claiming that he was struck by
lightning and partially paralyzed be-
cause the Canton Electric company
failed to remove wires from his home,
William A. Workman has sued the
electric concern for $4,000 damages.
He says he was hit by a bolt which
was carried to him by the company's
wires.-Canton, o., correspondence in
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-08
Rare Case of Paralysis.

In the strange seizure of Alvah Mac
Creary, a well known real estate
broker, with offices in the Penn Square
building, who was stricken with what
appeared to be a form of paralysis
while inhaling the fumes of a cigar
cite on June %, physicians believe
they are confronted with a case unique
in medical history
owing to the desire of Mr.. Mac
Creary's family Ito avoid publicity.
news of the real estate mans remark
able seizure has been kept secret until
the present time. For long time he
hovered on the brink of the grave. but
yesterday had so far recovered that he
was able to take an automobile ride.
Mr.. MacCreary, who. it is said, had
been a habitual cigarette smoker, was
residing with his wife at the nome of
DR.. Mercer, at 1905 Arch street, early
this summer. On the morning of June
% he arose early as was his custom,
and lighted a cigarette. After inhal-
ing the fumes of the cigarette he felt
weak and dizzy, and went over and
lay down. on the bed again.
Ten minutes later, when he tried to
arise. he found himself unable to
move. Supposing that he had suffer
ed a sudden stroke of paralysis, Mr..
MacCreary called to his wife, who
summoned DR.. Mercer. The doctor
found. upon examination, that Mr..
strange malady which, although he
was not paralyzed in the ordinary
sense in any part of the body and his
mental faculties remained perfectly
clear. prevented him from moving.
Investigation on the part of the
specialists who were called in dis
closed the fact that blood ciot had
formed at the base of the brain. The
result of this clot formation was to
prevent Mr.. MacCreary from moving
for weeks, and the only cause for IL
that the physicians have been able to
discover was the action. of the fumes
of the cigarette.
For. several weeks application OF
mustard plasters to the feet and other
measures to reduce the size of the cloi
proved Intellectual. An operation was
then decided upon, and proved sue
cessful
Strict instructions were given by the
doctors to the two trained nurses who
watched over Mr.. MacCreary during
the long period of convalescence thai
under no circumstances must he be
permitted to smoke a cigarette, as il
he did a recurrence of the blood cHol
was probable. DIR. Mills told members
of the MacCreary family that in all his
experience he never knew of a parallels
case.-Philadelphia Inquirer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-08
KANSAS COMAENT
AWAKENINCs OF THE NEGRO.

AWAKENING OF THE NEGRO.
Disnop Caldwell of the African
NleIhodlst diocese of Philadelphia is
pIopaoly the most representative
sPohesinan of the colored people of
the United States, not even excepting
oooker Washington. After a thorough
Investigation of every charge and ru-
Anor' or all sorts and kinds, he finds
HoI the least justification for the So
called diSaffection of colored Repub-
means from the national candidates.
ne mas voluntarily rendered his SER
wees 10 the Republican committee
Tree OF charge so that he may combat
the eHorts of the Democracy-the ira
dltlonal, eternal and implacable en-
envy or the colored race in America
to break down the Republican loyalty
Eagle.
Bishop Caldwell knows we'll that the
oay the colored people go to their old
enemies, the wonderful progress they
nave been making for forty-five years
will halt. He knows right well that
tnat progress was due mainly to Re
publican friendship and encourage
ment and he will explain on the stump
why 1t cannot continue If his people
cast aside their traditional friends for
their traditional enemies.
by the time Bishop Caldwell and
other Dralny colored men of honor and
character get through with Democratic
mendaclty in this campaign, the loyal
ty OF their race to Republican princi-
pies and candidates will be stronger
and more earnest than ever.-Leayen-
worth Times.
KIN TROUBLES AND ROYALTY.
1t seems that among the many
troubles to which royalty is heir, along
with the crown and scepter, are kin
troubles Emperor Franz Josef, of
Austria and Hungary, has probably
had more than his share. In the first
place, he has been on his present job
longer than any other European mon
arch, and, in the second, he seems to
have particularly worthless kin, even
aplenty. His latest trouble of this
kind was, according to reports, handled
IN manner that merits commenda-
ton A nephew of the emperor, ar
archduke, approached the old man, and
told him his troubles, which were
mostly debts contracted because of the
butterfly life he led. He closed his tale
OF woe by asking the imperial uncle to
square his accounts, threatening to
commit suicide If Franz Josef proved
the stingy thing But, instead of a
personal check, the emperor swung his
right at the archduke's jaw, and the
bruised and terrified nephew picked
himself up and ran from the room,
presumably to commit suicide. But he
didn't and the emperor made the
nephew's predicament more unbearable
by telling the occurrence.-Atchison
Globe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-08
THE NINE FOOT SHEET.

Is sheet nine feet long a necessity
Oklahoma hotel men say it iS-a freak;
the last Oklahoma legislature thought
it just the right size, and passed a law
to require it; the Kansan Classics it
as ngerous-something a man not
used to might tangle in and smother;
other persons who have an intimate
and longstanding acquaintance with
hotel sheets think a nine-foot sheet a
myth-they don't believe such a thing
exists.-Wichita Beacon.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-08
THE POWER OF AN IDEA.

Fifty years ago in the frontier state
of Illinois two men faced each other
in Joint debate upon political issues.
They were Stephen A. Douglas and
Abraham Lincoln. Every point of per-
sonal advantage favored Douglas. He
was well educated, trained in long po-
liticaI service, brilliant and finished
orator He was below medium height,
but he had the sturdy chest, the lion
pose of head, the great voice, the heavy
jowl and eye of command which made
Henry Ward Beecher and Daniel Web
ster seem bigger men than they We're
Mr.. Lincoln often agreed with the
description of himself as one of the
ungainliest of men. He was awkward,
angular, ill-clad, little. educated. But
he did have one idea which by homely
phrase and rustic example he enforced
upon his hearers: That human slaV-
cry was wrong; that no man was good
enough to rule another man without
that other mans consent; that the ma
ton could not exist half slave and half
free Men applauded Douglas. They
went home and remembered what Lin
coin said. and knew that 1t was true
New York World.
WHAT Ais THE SHORT STORIES
Sometime ago this paper published
an editorial criticism of the typical
short story in the typical magazine of
today. For months comments on this
article have been received from many
sources, chiefly feminine. Most of
these comments have been of the ma
ture of complaints. Consequently in def
erenee to the feminine readers of this
page. the writer has crucified his mind
and body and read every month scores
of short stories in all the monthly pub
locations that have come to hand.
1t seems to be a rule of the current
writer's of short stories that nothing
should be allowed to happen. There
Is page after page of words-words
like the sands OF the sea or the drift
of the desert. all the words that the
dictionary contains, and many besides
but that is all. Nothing done, nothing
doingi The characters breathe, they
think. but how seldom, oh, how sell
dom they act.-Chicago Inter-Ocean.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-08

The Curate-Good gracious. Giles,
Whatever makes you keep such a
spiteful old cat as that? Giles-Well.
sor. you see, it's like this-I've felt a
bit lonely since my old woman died.
London Opinion.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-08

with all his faults, he had consid-
cradle public spirit" st never heard
anything about that" HE was a
boaster. But he never made a prac-
tice of getting his hair cut on Satur-
day afternoon. Kansas City Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-08

A japanese saying runs: woman is
an unmangeable creature; flatter her.
she is elated; thrash her, she weepetr:
Kill her, her spirit haunts you" We
would suggest that the best remedy is
to love her.-The News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-08

Pa-Sometimes 1 get discouraged
about Willie. Ma-What's the mat
ter, now? Pa-Here he is IL years old
and he can't throw an outcurve yet
Newark News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-08

His Proper Calling-Short-I guess
you couldn't let me have $40 for a
week. could you? Long-Say, you
ought to be able to make a fortune
at the race track. Short-Why Long
You are such good guesser.-
Chicago News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-08

II hear that the supply of Ameri-
can heiresses is limited" 1.-THE supply
of the one I married is: her father
only settled half a million on her,
Houston Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-08

Extreme Friendliness - Senator
Crane came smiling from the White
House. You must have hit it off
pretty we'll with the president" re-
marked friend. "FIit it off! should
say So" answered the senator. ''Why,
he was so good natured that he un-
consciously called me Mr.. Stork."-
Philadelphia Ledger.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-08

Sillicus-Do you believe he has ha
a university education? He doesn't
talk like a college man. Cynicus-Oh.
you can't always tell. 1 have known
many college man who talked like a
ntleman.-Philadelph Record.