davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1908-12-19
Perfect PhiIosophy.

We read OF certain Roman EN-
peror who built a magnificent palace.
In digging the foundation the work
men discovered q golden sarcophagus
ornamented with three cfrclets, on
which were inscribed: Il have expend-
ed; have given; have kept; have
possessed; do possess; have lost;
l am punished. What / formerly ex.
pended ! have; what gave away. !
have.'--From the Costa Romanorum
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1908-12-19

A certain congressman is the father
Of q bright lad Of ten. who persists, de-
spite the parental objection and de-
cree, in reading literature OF the half
dime variety.
That's q nice way to be spending
your tima," said the father on one oc-
casion. Whats your ambition. any
how?"
Dad" responded the youngster.
with smile. I'D like to have people
tremble like aspen leaves at the mere
mention Of my name."-Lippincott's.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1908-12-19
self-Aetina Doors.

Doors that swing of themselves are
the latest. At the Hotel Astor the At
tendant who stands at the main en-
trance merely has to press bulb and
the door. which is operated by cleo.
tricity. revolves- This plan has the
advantage of keeping the speed uni
form.-N. Y. Sun.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1908-12-19
panorama iieadaches.

Caused by constant shifting of the
gaze. as by moving picture shows. trav-
cling In rapidly moving conveyances,
and the like may be greatly relieved by
external application to the eyes OF Dr..
Mitchells Eye Salve. 1t strengthens
the eyes and takes away that burning
sensation. Automobiles use Mitchelrs
Eye Salve. For sale everywhere. Csc.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1908-12-19

Of Doan's Kidney Pills and began US
Ing them. One box made me stronger
and freer from pain. kept on using
them and in three months was able to
get out on crutches, and the kidneys
were acting better. I improved rap
Idly. discarded the clutches and to
the wonder OF my friends was soon
completely cured"
Sold by all dealers. so cents a box.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1908-12-19

cANApA's RESPECT FOR LAW
AND ORDER THE SUSPECT
FOR FAyoRABLE COMMENT.


Those who have visited Canada are
always impressed with the strict OBJ
servance that Is given to the laws
Of the country, and the order that Is
preserved everywhere. The editor OF
the Gazette, of Fulton, New, recently
paid visit to Western Canada. He
was SO impressed with the conditions
that he saw everywhere, that on his
return home he was inspired to write
as follows: Reverence and respect
for law is dominant characteristic
OF the Canadian people. Wherever
one goes in Canada, whether east or
west, the law is supreme. The law IL
obeyed because 1t is law. seemingly.
and not because violation carries
penalty. Canada enforces the law and
makes every law effective. No coun-
try is more free than Canada. In name
Canada is a dependency of the Brit
ish Crown. In fact, 1t is almost
third republic. All its taxes are voted,
collected and expended by the Domin-
ion and the provinces. The nominal
head of the Government is the Gov
ernor General, appointed by the Eng.
lish Crown. Practically his only au-
thority is to veto the acts of parlia-
ment, which he scarcely ever exer-
cises. Canada gives nothing to the
support Of the English government or
the English king. She gives England
the advantage in trade regulations and
tariff laws. and in return receives the
protection of the British army and
navy. Canada enjoys the protection
without sharing in the expense.
THE sale Of liquor is strictly regu-
lated. None but hotel-keepers may
obtain license to vend the stun, and
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1908-12-19

Simmons Liver Purifier is the most
valuable remedy / ever tried for Con-
stipation and Disordered Liver. II
does its work thoroughly, but does not
grippe like most remedies of Its charac-
ter. ] certainly recommend 1t when
ever the opportunity occurs.
w. N. TOMLINSON.
Price Csc. Oswego, Kansas.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1908-12-19

They wore looking over their we'd
ding presents. h pointed to . small
bronze clock. Seems to me-" he said,
that ] have seen that before"
lyon have" she returned serenely.
You gave 1t to my FIRST husband and
me for q wedding present. When we
divided the things after the divorce he
kept the clock, ana now he is sending
1t back to rs"
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1908-12-19

said, 1T wasn't money he wanted
but somebody to sCratch his back. /"
There are many with strong arms and
willing hands that have that same
yearning. Hunts Cure will make back
scratching, or any other old scratch.
Ing. totally unnecessary. It knocks
out any itching sensation that ever
happened, and 1t does It right now.
One application relieves.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1908-12-19

paralyzed me and
affected my kid
neys. My back hurt
me terribly, and
the urine was bad
~ d isordered. Doc
tors said my right
kidney was practi-
cally dead. They
said / could never
walk again. / read
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1908-12-19

Chicago women have founded -
school for wives" but the trouble h
they 60 not intend to remain In theas
homes long enough to profit By H.
Detroit News TrihanA
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1908-12-19

cAtACk oiuc iIoui polHt III the outer
edge of another--thus the outer petals
1.-The inner furled its heart of mys-
terry.
Her costumes were always superb.
Tonight she had chosen to wear
black. dfaphanous black without, SHIN
mering black beneath. She chose to
accent It now with single red. red
rose.
Hennfng looked down at her and an
swered her light words lightly. She
vas beautiful beyond dream of ques-
ton. Her hair was a bediamonded
maze of loveliness. A necklace of
lustrous pearls clasped her white
throat. Her shoulders, rising from the
dream-like fun that edged her gown.
were the beautiful. bare flesh of a wom-
on. Her eyes were dark wells Of light,
unfathomable. young as dawn and deep
as passion.
Henning felt all this, as a young
man must. but he met her look eoolly,
with unenamoWed eyes. So she had
looked. he told himself. at Carleton
vennor.
The rost twitehed In her finger, and
be caught the CLEAN of q great dia-
mond that shone in an earFs betroth-
al ring. He was a little puzzled that
she had desired this tete-atete. Why
had she brought him here to this palm
and fern-built alcove. while the dance
went by? He had withdrawn himself
from the ranks OF her captives weeks
before the earl appeared. He squared
his fine shoulders with little shrug
of obscure impatience. Under the
crisp laughter n his keen eyes gath
cred meditative look as he reviewed
the judgment he had made of this
woman.
1t summed itself up In q single,
memory-echoing line:
The form. the form alone. is alo
quent!"
But how eloquent! One dreamed
perforce the dream of Pygmalion
How could q man believe that his
passion might not be warm enough
to thaw that pulsating marble into
love, to kindIe answering fires in her
glorious eyes? How could he until he
knew?
Brilliant nassionate mus,c heat
around them The air hetween them
seemed 10 vihrate with the lvric vh,rl
Of the dancers beyond the palms.
Henning talked absently. following
She lifted the rose - her In.
hra.tt,r~ -. <.as-. ''
81 Ills ). .r,sn 49,. CO.. ,.,
~. n.,,s. thst hsa ts,,sn wh,,. L.
nine was chas,nv onot.t,or. ~ n,s
go .a.,,.t ..s1,, -. - $50
bara ~ he sweat non.t vo,, Thru so,s,
CHI MIA ~. a.. t.-.rs ~. ~.
49, ,s - a. ~ a. = -. I'm ~ ~
san. ~. 49, ~s.ros,. sas e 80 LII
NIL ..aas. ,..se ~. -
,sss, snJ ,nhs,od tha Js,n s~,,,. M
.cent,ess scent :, tha hot'horsa -ose
..,,,-,
no had hean ssaEtne tn. rec and
the voman vera ono, r.ch ~ arce
the product and the symbol ~ culture
~ cfvfItz.tfon NJ fts fartbeet tonnI,nv
reach. Each the last word OF lux.
ury! A furl OF exquisite eraces hid
ing n heart Of barrenness, scentIess
and seedless! Fruit and blossom.
seed-time and harvest, crushed to-
gether into one bewildering. morbid
loneliness.
Then her next words surprised
him.
The dance is half over" she
sighed, "and we haven't begun. I
wanted to talk to you about Carleton
vennor."
Henning stared, and bowed coldly.
He considered it the worst pos
sible taste for her to break silence
on that deplorable theme. She sur
prised him again.
DO you hold me guilty OF MS
deafhT she ASKED, IN low, level tones
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1908-12-19

1t was at Derby, England. that the
members Of the Society Of Friends
we're first called Quakers, and the
church there has Just observed it, cen.
tennial.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1908-12-19

Last year New York city spent $685.
o00. 900 on Ats public schools; Chicago.
81. 600, 600; Boston more than $10.-
900, 900; Philadelphia little more
than $6.000.00o. Though Philadelphia
Is the third city in population in the
United States. It stood thirty-fourth In
per capita expenditure on schools.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1908-12-19
PAMPEREp.

Mrs. Newrich-will your hounds fol
low fox?
Newrich--Why--er--I think they
would IL the fox was dressed and
cooked.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1908-12-19

PettIt's Eye saIve for 25c.
Relieves tired, congested, inhamed and
sore eyes, quickly stops eye aches. All
druggists or Howard Bros, Buffalo, N. Y.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1908-12-19
ONE KIDNEY CONE
out Cured After Doctors Said There
Was No Hope.

Sylvanus o. verrill, Milford, Me-,
says: Five years ago a bad injury
Los Angeles herald., 1908-10-11
7HTFOOT VISSCHER ,

earned fame he was called to Cincinnati to take a
position with the EUening Times, paper that
was peculiarly suitable as field for his style OF
writing-rollicking fun, mastodonic exageration
and fruitful and pleasing fancy.
Once he started out as the advance agent of a
circus, but concluded that he could give better
show than that himself, and throw in menag-
erie, so he wrote a comic lecture and called 1t
"Injun Meal" in which no allusion was made to
even oatmeal, and he made big hit. "Injun
Meal" served up in all the leading cities of
the United States and some parts of New Jersey
During this march of triumph | heard Girls. lee
ture in Missouri city, and l laughed earnestly
and honestly and afterward complimented the
lecturer. Mark the sequel The next night
lectured in the same hall on 'Humor and Pathos,"
and Girls attended. Reciprocity was in order and
Girls, equal to the occasion. He said that my
lecture was one of the best averages that he had
ever heard; that my humor ives exceedingly
pathetic and that my pathos was the soul of
humor. But everything comes right with the
whirligig of time, and behold have the privilege
of talking out in church about that man, ha ha.
When Griswold delivered humorous lectures he
advertised the Fat Contributor and
everybody expected to see man of stunning
avordupois He always had some one go on the
stage before he did, who pretended to be examin-
ing it's capacity for holding up an immense party.
This would raise expectancy to tip-toe and of
course there a big laugh when Girls. came
tripping out, dapper little dandy, not bigger
than pound of soap after a days washing. In
place where he lectured the audience found
fault with the size of the lecturer, but then he
had good to find fault with the size of the
audience.
He told me once that in order to get started as
lecturer he visited a suburb of Cincinnati and
intimated to some parties there what he came for.
They said he had to the right place as they had
started a good many lecturers from there. He
said his audience that night consisted of single
ndvidual--who was married-an immensely fat
party who in a little while arose as one man
and went out. AS he went he said If Girls. would
lecture there another night his audience would be
larger he couldn't come himself, but he would
send his wife, who outweighed him eighty
pounds.
To advertise his lecture Girls. had cut of
machine for stopping a runaway horse. 1t was
picture of a beam running out from the top of the
buggy over the horse and so arranged with
pulleys that the horse could be lifted off his feet
and his locomotion be thus suspended
Travelling one day from Cincinnati to Columbus
in company with Girls. he was telling me of hav
ing delivered his "Injun Meal the night before
Los Angeles herald., 1908-10-11

Hamilton, but owing to an unfortunate difference
of opinion between himself and the faculty. con
corning the proper mode of conducting that popu-
lar institution of learning, he did not remain to
complete his collegiate course. He has never
held the faculty as being to blame in the matter
at all. The question got In such shape that either
he or they had to leave, and not desiring to see
so respectable body of gentlemen-some with
families, too-thrown upon the charities of a cold
and unsympathizing world ('twas in the dead OF
winter) why, he just left himself Mr.. Griswold
has frequently told me that he looked upon that
spectacle of sefsacrifcing devotion to principle
as one of the proudest and most praiseworthy
actions of a life somewhat thickly studded with
little episodes of that nature"
Alphonso Minor Griswold was the full name of
the subject of this sketch. Notwithstanding that
he disiked the idea of parting his name In the
middle, he did 1t as matter of self protection, on
the principle that of two evils one should choose
the least. He explained that he always wrote his
name "A. Minor" In order to prevent people from
calling him major. Mr. Griswold declared that
he abhorred the pomp and circumstance of war
and dreaded the application to himself of a mill
tary title, something that in those days a man of
any conspicuity found it difficult to evade
Griswod began journalistic life as city editor
of little newspaper called the Times, which
Hank Faxon started in Buffalo; the times were
little too hard for the Times and 1t joined the
majority at the head of the golden stair. Then
he perpetrated humorous articles on the Repub-
tic, of Buffalo, signed "The Fat Contributor.
These articles written for the purpose of
ingratating himself with the typographical fra
ternity at that time he had in view some stu
pendous newspaper schemes and the articles were
chiefly celebrated for the quad lines" which they
contained and were therefore remarkably "fat
for the printers. Afterward he found a lifelong
friend In Artemus Ward who was then on the
staff of the Cleveland Pldindedler, and In 1860,
when Browne was called to New York to work on
Vanity Fair, Girls. succeeded to his place as asso-
ciate editor of the Pldindedler. Poor Bob Winan,
who died few years ago in the insane asylum in
ST Joseph, Missouri, at that time foreman
of the Pldindedler's composing room and he has
often told me that during this time Girls. wrote
some exceedingly brilliant things, in skeleton
shape in his note book which he was in the habit
of bringing up every night, short time before
the paper should go to press, with the modest
request that Bob would make something out OF
them" The place of Winans death has been
mentioned comment would be superfnnns.
For nearly five years Girls lived in Cleveland
and made the press of that city hum every time
he got chance at the crank, then with we'll
Los Angeles herald., 1908-10-11

ALPHoNso M INoR G RIswoLD, "r HE FAT Con-
rRrBUToR.
Frequently, in Louisville and Cincinnati, in the
four five years Immediately following the Civil
War, | met A. Minor Griswold known to humor-
Gus literature and the comic lecture rostrum
THE Fat Contributor" At that time this writer
the staff of the Louisville Journal, part of
the time and then running the Richmond Head
light which a newspaper printed and pub
lished on the great low-pressure steamer Rich
mond, plying between Louisville and New Or
leans. Sometimes Griswold would run down to
Louisville on packet, to visit me, or would run
up to Cincinnati to visit him, and once he was my
guest for three weeks on the Richmond, to New
Orleans and return, for we were fast friends
with the emphasis fast" some of our solic-
itous friends were wont to say. Those were
halcyon days-whatever they are-anyhow that
Is what they are often called.
Griswold was an inyeterate punster and his
salutations never conventional. There was
no inquiry on his part to "How's your health?'
or the assertion, "It's fine day." etc. But as If
he had been speaking to his visitor a moment
before. he would say, for instance, I'll race you
a race down to Race Street. II 1t were in Cincin-
natl or "Did you ever fall over the Falls In the
fall of the year at Falls City,, II it were in Louis
Vile. He inordnately fond OF such liter
ative facetiae and he illustrated play on words
as a kitten gamboling on dictionary When
fre DESTROYED his library he said his loss could
only be described in "words that burn"
Notwithstanding the verbal turptude and dis
tressful tendency indicated, GrlsWoiu was a iooi
wit and humorist and otherwise refined gentle
man and scholar.
Griswod made his first appearance on earth
near TTtica New York on the 26th day of January
1884. No pentup Utica could hold him, however
and as quickly as possible he went through Hamil-
ton College. The word quickly IS USED ad-
yisedly. Even Hamilton could not hold him.
A humorous writer of Griswold's day. and
who was an ardent friend and admirer OF The
Fat Contributor and whose pen name was
'Erratic Enrique" in short sketch OF Grlswoid
speaks follows of the college experience unoer
consideration:
"Grswold was a member of the class of SO in
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1908-03-10
Ell, HARDIN, DETECTIVE.

Eli Hardin. erstwhile chief of de-
tectives Of Des Nloines, has been SEN
fenced to term of three years in
states prison for interfering with the
course of justice While Hardin held an
official position and enjoyed the emol-
uments therefrom, he seems to have
walked in the straight and marrow
path At least he kept from the path
his job and his monthly stipend, and
thrown upon his own resources, Hard
in overworked the private detective
racket He sold his services to an
unscrupulous client or attorney and
entered into conspiracy to' defeat the
ends of justice. Hardin. with one Will
lam Carter, was found guilty of con-
spiracy in running out of the state wit
nesses subpoenaed in criminal pros
ecution. They kept these witnesses
beyond the confines Of Iowa and there
fore out of reach Of the courts until
the trial was concluded.
We hear much of the prostitution Of
our courts and some criticism of our
judges Conceded that Justice some
times miscarries, the fault IN major
ity of cases is not with the court. Back
of such cases almost invariably will
be found some such conspiracy as that
for which Hardin and Carter have
been conyicted-bribery of witnesses or
jurors or the tricks of an unscrupu-
lous lawyer The courts ard the stat
utes are not at fault only insofar as
they are unable to prevent under
handed methods to defeat justice and
punish those to whom punishment is |
due. 1t is the Hardins and the Car
tiers who clog the wheels of the courts
and prevent honest men from getting |
their dues and dishonest men their
deserts. Hardin and Garter got what
was coming to them. The only re-
greet is that the man who employed
them and the lawyer who permitted
the dirty work can not be compelled !
to share their punishment
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1908-03-10
LET'S BURN NO MORE CHILDREN.

The terrible school disaster in CleVe-
lands suburban ward, while it has not
had parallel in a generation. disloses
to US what might happen in any ward
school building in any town at any
moment School buildings are alike
the country over; four brick walls
with wooden floors and wooden win
dow castings. When filled with several
require much smoke to start panic
and it is possible for any one of them
to repeat the Cleveland horror should
fire break out at any tine. If we
could, for a moment, contemplate one
of our own children burned with lo0
others, we would realize the terrible
responsibility that rests upon us.
And it cam all be prevented by fire
proof construction. We build most
school houses of brick walls now. All
we need do is to add re-enforced con-
crete for floors and stair,vays, with
plaster instead Of wood Wainscotng
and sheet metal doors and castings.
The expense on $4,000 ward school
building would not amount to $1,000 adj
ditional 1t would not be prohibitive
and our state laws ought to make
fire. proof construction of school build
ings mandatory, the same as fire es-
capes are now ordered by statute. 1t
took a terrible disaster at the 1roquois
theater to enforce protection for the
crowds that gather in our play houses
but now the red lights at the exits are
ever present. Let us learn from one
horrible funeral pyre of $50 little chill
dren the necessity of fire-rroof floors
in our school buildings.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1908-03-10
Left Costly Homo to Dog.

Helena, Mont.-After remembering
friends and relatives and foreign and
charitable institutions to the extent of
about $4,000, the will OF Mrs. Mary
A. Pryse, which was filed with the
clerk OF the court here today. makes
provision for the sumptuous care OF
her pet dog, which was her constant
companion.
She directs that her Helena residence
be turned over to certain relatives
rent free for two years. provided they
properly care for the animal, after
which her executors are instructed to
make similar arrangements with some
reliable childless couple.
The house is to receive the first
consideration in the payment of insur-
ance and taxes. Upon the death of
the dog the property is to he Sold to-
gether with valuable mining interests.
and the proceeds divided pro rata
among the benefciares named.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1908-03-10
A GOOD REFORM PROGRAM.

The New York World has presented
a program of reform which will be
worth the attention of every business
man in the country. The World is
not interested in creating a market
for bonds of particular class nor is
it a crank on any particular currency
scheme, however, the Word is one OF
the two or three most ably edited
newspapers in the United States and
commands respect wherever read.
The World suggests ten moves to
prevent panics, as follows:
1. Kill the Aldrich bill, which would
aid stock jobhers by turning their
railroad bonds into emergency
money"
,. Pass the Culberson hill compell-
ing national banks to keep their re-
serves in their own vaults and not
send three-ffths of them to loan in
Wall street.
3. Pass in Albany similar law for
the State banks of New York.
4. Increase by state law the legal
reserves of trust companies doing a
demand banking business.
5. Pass the Culberson bill requiring
banks to pay interest on government
funds on deposit, the interest varying
with the time of year.
6. Prohibit the paymen. of interest
on demand deposits in national banks,
an abuse which has dangerously drawn
much country money to Wall street.
I. Make the same rule as to State
banks and trust companies.
8. Tax all stock sales, by a federal
law like the Hepburn bill ,r by a state
law like the Wagner bill, or both.