The Washington herald., 1908-04-15

NnduHeuFS give ear America expects
every Congressman 10 do his duty.
Where'er ye be east other peoples safety
to the sky Of Heaven; let the "wynds"
of the night time and the gentle breezes
Of the sunny noon whirl behind with a
million clouds of dust.
Speed over a thousand dogs and chick
ems, blowing not the siren horn OF warning
nor the horn Of plenty to pay therefor.
Tear cut the low speed gears with horny
hands and tie the throttle to the shaking
bed; ream out the sparker until a solid
shoot of fire Ike the passing Of a comet
marks your going through the TASTY dim
ness.
Cast from you with impreeations. extra
tonneaus and trappings. and in a last
mad dash whoop up Pennsylvania avenue
to the nations Capitol, where yesterday
Representative Cochran (by request intro
duced a bin TO provide for a national
auto highway from the Atlantic to the
Pacific.
Make Mighty shouts.
swoop around the white building on
the hin with mighty shouts and noises.
Connect a hundred thousand Westing-
house air pumps to a million siren horns.
toot-toot instruments. and other noisy
noise producers. Let in upon Congress
the walls of all the lost souls of Hades,
until that august body Will rise up in its
power and pass this bill.
Volumes. could be devoted to the Cock
ran (by requesb bHl, and then let it be
known not even the half justice of a
barbarian pen would have suificed 10
speak weI enough. This great national
automobile highway which is TO be con-
structed along the 35th parallel OF longi-
tHde-ss nearly as possible-win stretch
in all it's shining and polished glory from
the shimmering green OF the atlantic
across mountains and foothills. over the
Father OF Waters. the plains. the Rockies.
the Sierras, and down 10 the smiling
golden land of the Slope country, where
the blue Pacific rolls In from the west
and the mysterious Orient.
Think What Could Happen.
Think of the possibilities of such a road
over this artery Of or combination OF
arteries-because bicycles. freight paths
foot paths, roller-skating paths, &C.
are to be provided-the armies of the
United States could skim In gleeful ad-
vance upon an invading foe. Where
would be the menace of an invasion with
a roadway over which the merry sizzle
of the gasolene cart going West at fifty
srrfn
gentle and uplifting buzz of the electric
runabout coming East at twenty. Spiked
are guns of HObson, and the special mes
sage of the President seeking for battle
ships seems innOcuous now.
Here is the solution. Let Congress build
this road. Have a bin passed to make
every chauffeur who holds a State license
amenable 10 a call 10 arms from the
President Of the United States. and pro
vide that every machine having a state
license may be requisitoned in case OF
war
Perhaps authorize the building of a
couple of billion horsepower automobiles
running forty knots a stiff breeze. which
could bodily transport a battle ship or
a feet from the Atlantic to the Pacific
in fOTty-seYen minutes and four seconds.
Then, too. it would not be really nee
essaTy to have the war preparations so
complete as this. When the battle ship
convoy a Ia automobile route reached
the summit Of the Rockies, there could
be provided a runway several hundred
feet wide. wei creased with bears grease
Louisiana bears prefeTTed-and the
fighting vessels could be made to slide
down tn rty or forty miles on their own
headway.
Would Save Axle Grease.
This scheme. which has already re-
ceived favorable comment would also
insure a saving in axle grease on the
automobiles, a saving in friction on the
axles. and would give occupation TO a
few government bears grease distribu-
tors on the side
This idea could be used also on the
Western slope Of the Sierras, and, by
means of an upward curve such as is used
in shoot-the-chutes. it would be possible
to project the battle ships out into the
Pacific. Admiral Evans could eat his
grapefruit in the Atlantic and take his
coffee in San Francisco harbor.
But in addition to the undeniable war
time advantages of this roadway, which
is 20 be l.430 feet wide, there are pro
visions for other more earthly things. The
roadway is to be L. 40 feet but on each
side there are TO be zones in which vari-
Gus things are TO be-peThaps.
In the first zone there is to be parking
and flowers and beautiful things Think
how pleasant It would be TO leave a hot
armOred cruiser, that had been making
four knots year, to lie on the grass for
a few minutes! Beyond the park zone is
TO be one IN which there will be trees
galore, and in the third. dwellers and
factories and all the busy hives Of indus
try copyrighted VIII be found.
This great highway for peace and for
war is to start at a city which isn't yet
built but which is to be named Meridian
City, and is to run into a hamlet which
will be known as Eureka City. It was
noted yesterday that unless the gasoline
cart is forbidden the right Of way, the
latter name is likely to be no joke. as
there will be some reek present.
On the way westward the highway viii
pass through a small village, TO be named
Columbus City, near Washington, which
Is to be thirty miles square. 1t may have
been noticed by this time that there is
nothing small about the whole plan.
The money is to be secured by bonding
the three cities named and the highway
itself Bonds to the extent OF $1,000 O0J
may be issued at one time, and the Sec
retary of the Treasury is required to pur.
chase them. when offered at par.
The whole mile-wide zone is 10 ba I'M
der Federal supervision. The separste
portions Of the zone are 20 hold elections
every three years, to elect commission
ers for their zone. Federal laws will be
in force in the Automobile Kingdom. and
ali will be, indeed. as merry as a busted
tire,
Marshall Collins, Of Glen Echo fame. II
was asserted last night. win be made
Chief White Wing and Conservator of
the Peace of the new highway.