The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-11
HUAOR OF THE DAY

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On to the Ropes-.sI guess my faith
err must have been a pretty bad boy"
said one youngster. 'Why?" INQUIRED
the other. Because he knows exact
ly what questions to ask when he
wants to know what Eve been DOING
Washington Star. IA
How Smithers Got Rabies.-"And
so Smithers died of hydrophobia %
Yes; poor chap!" How did it hap
pen?" HE put too much horseradish
ABOUT z'9ss?-Mrs. savemm-I see
that soap was discovered over 5000
years ago. Mr.. Savemm-And how
long after that did woman discover
the wrappers were valuable?-Puck.
on his bologna and it bit his tongue"
Chicago News.
Smith tells me he has been gradu-
ated from an automobile school," Yes;
he feeIingly refers to 1t as alma ma
ter Puck.
She-Darling, would you lay down
your life for me? He-Gladly, dearest.
She-Then suppose you start right in
by breaking the news of our engage
ment to father.-Philadelphia Record.
Its really distressing to think" said
the wealthy Mr.. Farrasy, that many
very common and ignorant people will
be admitted to heaven" We'll" re-
piled Mr.. Cutting, that needn't worry
you. "-Philadelphia Press.
II admire patience an self-control,'
said Uncle Eben, "but when 1 sees a
man dat kin keep on smilin' after he
done bruise his thumb wifi a hammer,
l can't help bein' s'picious of his ca
pacity foh deceit. "-Washington Star.
THAT man tinkering at that auto
mobile was a poor man only a couple
of years ago, now he's a successful
business man. He's a great pusherP'
We'll, he needs to be a great pusher il
he expects to get that auto back
Hometown and Country.
Mr.. Uglimug-This portrait doesn't
look a bit like me. Artist know it,
1 was afraid to make it exactly like
you for fear you wouldn't take it.
You are a poor young man?' Il
am" Then what you want is a
thrifty, economical wife, Not at ala
What I want is rich, liberal wife. -
Pittsburg Post
why doesn't Smith call in his fam
lily physician? Has he lost confidence
in him?'' No; the doctor has lost con-
fdence in Smith. "-Lippincott's.
! II guess pa must have passed a lot
| of time at the dentists when he was in
New York. said Johnny Green. why
do you think so?" queried his ma.
"'Cause 1 heard him tell man today.
that it cost him nearly $500 to get his
| eye-tooth cut replied Johnny.-Chi-
cago News.
| Waiter-Haven't you forgotten some
thing, sir? Diner-Great Scott, yes; my
wife told me to water the plants while
she is away.-New York Sun.
They were on their honeymoon and
were climbing the Schnufelgapspitzen
peak. and she stood above him some
twenty feet. What hov' he gasped.
What do you seer" Far, far below"
she cried, IT see long white streak.
stretching like paper ribbon back al
most to our hotel!" 'Ha, hal" he
calculated. I'll bet it's that blessed
hotel bill overtaking us!'-Argonaut.
An expert golfer had the misfortune
to play a particularly vigorous stroke
at the, moment that a seedy wayfarer
wandered across the edge of the course.
The ball struck the trespasser and
rendered him briefly insensible. When
he recovered IS bill was pressed into
his hand by the golfer. "Tanky, sir"
said the injured man after a glance at
the money. An Wnen VIII you De
playin' again, sir ?"-Argonaut.
''If time hangs heavily on your
hands, why don't you go into politics?"
"A man as rich as / am answered Mr..
Dustin Stax. doesn't dare go into
politics. He is considered lucky if they
let him shove a card under the door
with a check attached to it.''-Wash-
ington Star.
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