Ladysmith news-budget. [volume] (Ladysmith, Rusk County, Wis.) 1907-1927, 1908-07-30

5 GANDFRBONE'S AUG. FORECAST
downright 1908 by C. H. Rieth.l

When they met on the train,
| AS all candidates will,
| And they wagered dinner
| In test of their skill
The winner to make the best pun on
The homey cognomen of Bill
Il suppose, Bryan said,
| Stirring ice in his tea.
THAT in view of the times,
| AS between you and me,
| The smaller the bill is the better,
| The which anyone will agree
Very clever" said Taft,
Here is mine: I've bunch,
You are not very strong,
| (And he gave him punch)
For they don't like long overdue bill?'
And the Peerless One paid for the lunch.
August was named for Augustus
Caeser, nephew and adopted son OF
| julius. August was every bit as
great Il man, but his uncle had ~ bet
ter press bureau. When the Black
Band got Julius, his nephew was
but 10; but he had already worn the
toga virillis and shot a bear. Mark
Antony tried to get him out of the
way by making him Il sort OF vice
president but after Augustus had
beaten him 5 up and to play on the
green at Modena the big drawing
card of the Roman chautauqua was
glad to marry the young mans sis
ter and be a kind of Nick LOngwOrth
around the Roman White House.
The Augustan age was the glory of
Rome. Like Mr.. Roosevelt, Angus
tus showed fight all the time, and
the empire enjoyed peace. There
were no refOrmers. and times were
good. The emperor literally patron
lied literature, and even wrote verses
himself. Poets like Horace and Vir-
gil had their own enameled gold
chariots with liveried alligator bait
on the job behind, and instead of
having the cruel circus games Of Nero
the pOpulace met in the col SUM and
wrote limercks for prizes. 1t Is said
that Augustus found Rome a city of
brick, and left it n city of marble. He
was very proud man, and In order
to make his month as long as any
bOdy's, they took a day from Feb
ruary and added it to August, which
originally had but thirty. Augustus
deserves to be better known, and it
is not his fault that he is not. He
tried everything from divorce to race
suicide. He had three wives and one
child, a daughter Julia. He beat
Antony and Cleopatra to @ in the
famous engagement at Actium,
enough in itself to have left his name
upon 10-cent cigar; but he stood
about the same chance against the
luster of his immortal uncle as Miss
Ethel Roosevelt stands to share the
limelight with her sister Alice.
The dog days will return to paint
The pond like Erins isle,
And the boys will navigate the scum
In good sea-going style;
Reform will dig a few more pits
For brewers and distillers,
And the office seeker pass around
His bum alfalfa filters
The bullfrOg will essay his lay
along the winding creek, and the
dude will bite the summer girl upon
her damask cheek; the sun will burn
the festive tramp clear through his
under shirt, and Carrie Nation will
give tongue, and kick up sod and
dirt, the while her ladyship pursues
the new directoire skirt.
The candidate will buzz around be-
fore the voters door, and all the
babies will get kissed and Struggled
up some more; the mother will say,
"Ain't he nice." with every kiss and
hug, but the father will declare he is
dern old kissing bug.
The Anna-mosity which Prince
Helie de Sagan and Count BOni de
Castellane bear one another will cool
a little, and about the 10th they will
get together and shoot dice for the
Gould children. The fleet will con-
tinue to banquet across the Pacific
by easy stages, and upon reaching
Manila, the stomachs of the officers
will be put in dry dock and scraped.
The baby calf will try his legs
In meadows soft as silk,
And when he bawls his loving dam
Will rush the mothers milk;
And meanwhile she will smile to think
With many modest bushes,
How Moses could have ever lived
In nothing but bullrushes.
After the 21st, August will be under
the zodiacal sign of virgo. This will
make chatauqua crowds restless and
outdoor orators will have to follow
them around through the woods and
talk to them when they will stand.
1t will also cause Mr.. Rockefeller to
get busy on that story OF his life he
is going to write for one of the nation
al monthlies, and monopoly will
get so nervous it will have to have
trained nurse and take nourishment
through d funnel. MIR. Roosevelt