davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1908-02-26

The whole truth OF the matter is, Gen.
StoesseI is 10 be made the scapegoat for
a lot of fat-heeded grand dukes monu-
mental blunders.
The Washington herald., 1908-02-26

A Chicago physician says a good joke
is a sure cure for the grip. May be so;
II a man with the grip is able to appre-
Ciate a iOke.
The Washington herald., 1908-02-26

The new King of Portugal is a poet, -
says the Baltimore Sun. If the anarchists
VIII only give him time. doubtless he
will starve TO death.
The Washington herald., 1908-02-26

From the Louisville Courier Journal
Hetty Green, who loaned millions dur
ing the panic. got as much interest from
the distressed as she displayed in them.
The Washington herald., 1908-02-26

Did you get any Of that bargain rib
bon?"
Yes" answered the athletic girl proud
ly, I bucked the line for seventeen
yards.
The Washington herald., 1908-02-26
Important Element Mis.lnr.

Prom the Chicago rd-Herald.
Gov. Hughes. of New York, has Welsh.
Irish, Scotch, English. and Dutch blood
In his veins. How does he propose 10 get
the German voteN
The Washington herald., 1908-02-26

Cardinal Gibbons views on prohibition
are worthy Of great attention, and largely
because he isn't, and never viii be,
politician in hunt OF Job.
The Washington herald., 1908-02-26

Among our submarine feet. we now
have the Viper, the Tarantula. and the
Scorpion. BY and by, we shah probably
have. the Hartman, the Brownson, and
the Tillman
The Washington herald., 1908-02-26
Poor Pom.

Breathes there man with soul so dead.
Who never to himself hath said,
At midnight stumbling Owe a toy;
Gee whizz. I'll simply skin that boy"
The Washington herald., 1908-02-26

We like the way in which Representa-
tive Longworth stood UP for the Presi-
dent II was the proper thing 10 do.
The Washington herald., 1908-02-26

Prom the Ser YORK NsB
The White House expects every Office
holder to 10 his duty"
The Washington herald., 1908-02-26

Still. Washlngton's Birthday doesn't
come any qftener than yours" says the
Bristol Herald-Courier. How about IL, If
yours comes on February %?
The Washington herald., 1908-02-26

OF your persuasion. BY the by, is that
the reason you were so anxious TO come
here as United States Senator?
The Washington herald., 1908-02-26

The Pullman cars will all be dry" after
February 29. This may cause a number
of people to economic on the porters.
The Washington herald., 1908-02-26
ParndoxicnI

Now, young ladies'
''Yes'm?r
TRY tc cultivate natural manner"
The Washington herald., 1908-02-26
A Mean Man.

cant you talk anything but low scan
dalI' demanded her husband.
The woman shifted.
That's IL: elevate your chin"
The Washington herald., 1908-02-26

How would you enjoy a kiss OF seven
minutes duration?" asks a contemporary.
About as much as We would enjoy thirty
days in Jail
The Washington herald., 1908-02-26

Its nobody's business where the fleet
is going" says Secretary Taft. Certainly
It isn't Whose country Is this. anyhow?
The Washington herald., 1908-02-26

The world grows better" says Ella
Wheeler Wilcox. Perhaps. in that event,
Ella may refrain from giving 1t SO much
advice.
The Washington herald., 1908-02-26

Because an actress advised him not Ito
be a lobster" a New York man COM
mitted suicide. Evidently, he couldn't
help being a lobster"
The Washington herald., 1908-02-26
The Nuner

From the Dallas News.
No girl ever really forgives, the young
man who muffs the first kiss she throws
az him.
The Washington herald., 1908-02-26

Really. you will havesto speak little
louder Senator Dick. II is impossible to
understand a word you say,
The Washington herald., 1908-02-26
Something Equally as Good.

The police department has asked for
100 additional policemen"
Going 10 get 'em?"
Guess not Congress wants to give us
100 additional laws instead"
The Washington herald., 1908-02-26

II is clear enough that the next Repub-
lican convention isn't going TO lack for
noise.
The Washington herald., 1908-02-26

A French count, il appears, is not with
out honor save in his own country.
The Washington herald., 1908-02-26

1t must be confessed that a number of
those Kentucky night-riders would look
mighty well in Jail.
The Washington herald., 1908-02-26
City scenery.

l like the Boston scenery,
Where'er one looks,
A shop for books.
And here and there a beanery.
The Washington herald., 1908-02-26
NOTHING SERIOUS.
From the Philadelphia Press.
Perpetual Spring Fever.

so they're out in California now?"
Yes, and they write that it's great
place It's spring there all the year
round"
''Nell. well. that must be a splendid
territory for the sale OF sarsaparilla.
The Washington herald., 1908-02-26

The Denver convention hall IS said to
seat l2,5oO people. Evidently. all the Bryan
voters in the country are expected 20 at
tend says the Baltimore American. And,
Of course, our always delightful and op-
timistic contemporary is prepared TO
prove that two and two make three.
The Washington herald., 1908-02-26
wstterson Sees Democratic victory.

On the whole, February has behaved
like a well-bred lauy should
Smyrna times., 1908-04-01
Some theatrical Jokes.

Tn performance of The Lady OF
the Lake" the actor who took the part
Of Roderick Dhu was known to be in
necuuiary difficulties. When Roderick
gave the line, Il am Roderick Dhu,
Fitziames responded, Yes, and your
rents due too" On the production OF
a piece called The SPY" the early
acts showed that it was going to prove
a failure. SO when at Il certain point
a character he'd to rush on and shout
Five hundred pounds for the spy.
the authOr-actor. who was concealed
behind rock. arose and cEie@, 1t 5
YOURS - copyright, manuscript ana
partsr That was the end of the per
formance.
When eating takes place on the
stage. the temptations to play tricks
with the food are naturally great. II
"Henry v" the leek which that mimi
table braggart Pistol has to eat i
! usually made from an apple. But OF
one occasion at Sadler's Wells tn,
Fluellen of the evening gave him
real onion. and he had no choice bu
to struggle through it, though tn
tears coursed down his fat cheeks
Cornhill Magazine.
Smyrna times., 1908-04-01
He Came Back at Her.

"Many mendicants," said a New
York charity official, ARE humbugs,
and we do we'll to refuse their requests
for help. What excellent digs, though,
they sometimes give us in return. !
remember the case of farmers wife
who refused a tramp a nights lodging
"'Weu, then, ma'am,' said the tramp
would you mind if l slept in that big
meadow there behind your barn?
"'No.' said the woman, you may
sleep there if you like
Zone thing more, ma'am,' said the
tramp, before l say good night. Will
YOU please have me called at A O'Clock
sharp? l want to catch the cattle
train to market
Smyrna times., 1908-04-01
We Can Interest You in Shoes

New Spring and Summer Cuts in Oxford Tes-Ian ana
Patent Leather They beauties and show wonderful values
for the price we ask Ask for the Auohav and Regina Latest
styles just in.
Smyrna times., 1908-04-01

Congressman H. R. Burton Will
introduce this week bill in Congress
to take over the Chesapeak and Del
aware Canal. This will be a most
important step in connection with the
scheme of an inland canal from Cape
Cod to the Florida Keys. 1t is be-
lieved that the bill of DIR. Burton
will follow out the recommendation
of the Chesapeake and Delaware Ca
nal Commission. The reprOt OF the
commission says that no higher ap-
praisement of the canal than 81, 5l4, =
289. 70 should be made The pur-
chase of it should be deemed desirable.
and the construction over the route
of a free ship canal to be justified by
the demands of commerce and bay
military and naval considerations.
Smyrna times., 1908-04-01
LETTER TO J. c. STOCKLEY
Smyrna' Del.

Dear Sir: Ten years ago, there
was one pure paint and 200 adulter-
ated; there are now eight pure, 200
adulterated, about half of the latter
short-measure besides.
There is still but one best, and the
difference is ten gallons Devoe goes
as far as eleven next-best-$5-in
every ten gallons.
A new word has come up in paint /;
it is strong. Strong paint goes further
and wears longer; weak paint takes
more gallons and wears-Out sooner.
The proper cost of 10-gallOn job is
$50. Paints that takes II gallons
makes it S55. Paint that takes Il
gallons makes it $50. Paint that
takes 13 gallons makes it $65. Paint
that takes 20 gallons makes it $lOO.
The $50 job wears twice as Ions
as the S1OO. These figures are t.
precise; they are round. The 10
gallon paint is Devoe.
Yours truly
48 F. w. DEVOE & co.
The Iron Front Hardware Store
VIM. FAIRIES, proprietor, sells gu
paint.
Smyrna times., 1908-04-01
Death was on His Heels.

Jesse P. Morris, of Shippers, Va,
had a close call in the spring of 1906.
He saws: can attack of pneumonia
left me so weak and with such fear
full cough that my friends declared
consumption had me, and death was
on my heels. Then l was persuaded
to try DIR. Kings New Discovery.
1t helped me Immediately, and after
taking two and half bottles l was
a we'll man again. l found out that
new discovery was the best remedy
for cough and lung diseases in the
word. " Sold under guarantee at Ben
ton N. WeldOn's drugstore. 50 cents
and S1.OO. Trial bottle free.
Smyrna times., 1908-04-01
inannropriate SONGS.

"Our Sunday school superintendent |
once gave Il lecture ON inappropriate |
songs" saws Il musical director of an
uDtown church. lin which he tod of
visiting the primary room to find the
infants Justify singing:
my latest sun is sinking fast.
MY race is nearly run.
"And our presiding elder used to tell.
with great glee. of bishop who at
general conference retired with his
committee to the anterOom to finish
an important report. a song service to
FIJI the gap AS the returning clergy
men fled down the main aisle. headed
by the bishop. the chorus came ont on:
"See the mighty hosts advancing.
Satan leading on.
"But the most amusing incident that
really came under my own observation
was while assisting in revival serv-
ice in small western town. The
evangelist seemed to find in very
! successful doctor of that place sub
ject for special and unusual effort
One evening. while he was earnestly
| eXnOftlnS NlJn ine HeulCdi gentleman
to come to- the altar. an enthusiastic
sister began singing:
"The great physician now is near
"a smile ran through the audience
the doctors eyes twinkled, and th
divine himself with difficulty maintain
ed a straight face. 1t is needless t
add that there was no conversion tha
night" buffalo Times.
Smyrna times., 1908-04-01
Great Events From Little Causes.


While staying at the court of Fred
erick IL. of Prussia VOltaire presented
Nine. de Pompadour's compliments to
the king. who scornfully replied. "Je
ne La connais pas" Out of vengeance
for so much insult, as she deemed it.
madame induced the weakminded Lou
is XIV. to convert his cOuntry's long
standing hostility against Austria into
friendship. \ Franco-Austrian army
then took the field against Prussia,
and as it was an easy matter for ma
dame to enlist the practical sympathy
of Elizabeth of Russia. who had been
the subject of Frederick's indiscreei
remarks also, half Il million lives were
lost-London Notes and Queries.
Smyrna times., 1908-04-01
How to Avoid Appen die Ills

Most victims of appendicitis are
those who habitually cOnstipated.
Orino Laxative Fruit Syrup cures
chronic constipation by stimulating
the liver and bowels and restores the
natural action of the bowels. Orino
Laxative Fruit Syrup does not nause-
ate or grippe and is mild and pleasant
to take. Refuse substitutes. Sole
by all druggists.
Smyrna times., 1908-04-01

Mr.. S. L. Bowen, of Wayne, w.
Va, writes: 81 was sffuerer from
kidney disease so that at times I
could not get out of bed, and when
l did l could not stand straight. l
took Foley's Kidney Cure. One dol
lar bottle and part of the next cured
me entirely" Foleys Kidn'y Cure
workes wonders where others are total
failures. Sold by all druggists.
Smyrna times., 1908-04-01
Dress Goods, Lawns,
White Linens and Wool Goods
DRY GOODS AND NOTIONS.

We have also stock nice line of Ladies Muslin Onuel
wear and all kinds of Summer Underwear.
Smyrna times., 1908-04-01
A CARD

This is to certify that all druggists
are authorized to refund your money
if Foley's Honey and Tar fails to cure
your cough or cold. 1t stops the
cough, heals the lungs, and prevents
serious results from a cold Cures la
grippe coughs, and prevents pneu-
monia and consumption. Contains
no opiates. The genuine is in yell
low package. Refuse subtitutess
Sold by all druggists.
Smyrna times., 1908-04-01
In a Pinch, use AlIeu'y POOt-Ease.

A powder for tired, aching, swollen feet. We
have over 10000 testimonials. All Druggists, 23c.
don't accept any substitute Trial package
FREE by mail. Address Allen S. Olmsted, lie Roy
n. Y.
Smyrna times., 1908-04-01
A Reliable
Remedy
EIy'S Cream Balm
IS quickly absorbed.

is quickly absorbed.
Gives Relief at Once.
1t cleanses, soothes,
heals and protects
the diseased men,
brane resulting from
Catarrh and drives
away a Cold in the
Head quickly. Re-
stores the Senses of
The Ordway new era., 1908-01-10
CHAPTER XI,

The Grand Duke of Barscheit was
tall and angular and weather-beaten,
and the whites of his eyes bespoke a
constitution as sound and hard as his
common sense. AS Max entered he
was standing at the side of Doppel-
kim.
"There he isl" shouted the prince.
do you know who he is?"
The duke took a rapid inventory.
Never set eyes upon him before
The duke then addressed her highness.
"Hildegarde, who is this fellow? No
eyasions; l want the truth. l have,
in the main, found you truthful"
II know nothing Of him at all" said
the princess curtly.
Max wondered where the chill In the
room came from.
HE says that his name is Scharfen-
stein," continued the princess, land he
has proved himself to be a courteous
gentleman"
Max found that the room wasn't 80
chill as 1t might have been.
yet you eloped with him. and were
on the way to Dresden" suggested the
duke pointedly.
The princess faced them all proudly.
The Ordway new era., 1908-01-10

GRIZZLY
A Veracious
Nature Story
By
Edwin J. Webster
Copyright, by W. c. Chapman.l

TON Wilson's imported grizzly Gre
Tted lamentable havoc among Pike
county animals during his short yet
strenuous career" said Deacon Tod
gers pensively. But in the end he
fell victim to the intelligence and
scientific knowledge of the dean of the
local black bears. And when Tom vii,
son came to look for the remains OF
his pet he found that nothing but n
patient search over this and the sur.
rounding counties could collect enough
for n decent burial.
Tom captured the grizzly out west
when it was n cub and had trained 1t
20 hunt for him. When the bear was
nearly full grown he brought him east
and turned him loose on the innocent
bears and wildcats of this county The
grizzly had been trained so that he
wouldn't eat anything but cooked
meat. While active, he wasn't an
especially intelligent bear. and, not
being able to cook his own food, he
would turn the proceeds of his hunt
ing expeditions in to Tom Wilson.
Tom would deduct a liberal share for
The Ordway new era., 1908-01-10

Il eloped with no man. That was sim
ply little prevarication to worry you.
my uncle. after the manner in which
you have worried me. / was on my
way to Dresden, it is true, but only to
hide with my old governess. This gen.
tleman jumped into my compartment
as the train drew out OF the station"
But you knew him" bawled the
prince, waving his arms.
DO you know him." asked the duke
coldly.
II met him out riding. He addressed
me, and replied out of common polite
ness. with a sidelong glance at Max.
who stood with folded arms, watching
her gravely.
The duke threw his hands above his
that he was very much wronged
man.
"Arnheim." he said to the young
colonel. go at once for a priest"
"A priest" echoed the prince.
Yes; the girl shall marry you to.
night" declared his serene hiGhness.
Not If | live to be thousand"
Doppelkinn struck the table with his
fist.
The girl smiled at Max.
WHAT" cried the duke. all the cold.
ness gone from his tones. You re-
fusc?". He was thunderstruck.
Refuse? or course ! refuse!" And
the prince thumped the table again.
What do you think | am in my old
age,-an ass? If you have any fillies
to break. use your own pastures. I'm
vintner" He banged the table yet
again. why. | wouldn't marry the
Princess Hiledgarde II she was the last
woman on earth!"
Thank you!" said the princess
sweetly.
You're welcome" said the prince.
"Silence." beloved the duke. "Dop.
pelkinn. take care; this is an affront,
not one to be lightly ignored. 1t Is
international news that you are to wee
my niece"
Tomorrow 1t will be international
news that I'm mott" the emphasis
The Ordway new era., 1908-01-10
"For About a Minute There Was :
Steady Rain Of Grizzly"

to be saying to himself But when
they run against nitro-glycerin and the
intelligence of Pike county bears, an
explosion is the only funeral sermon
coming to them
TON Wilson was considerably wor-
ried when his pet hunter didn't return
home that night. The next day he
started out to find him. He followed
the grizzly's trail to where the explo-
sion had occurred. Then he couldn't
understand what had happened.
1--we heard of explosive tempers'
he said, puzzled-like, and my pet GER
tainly had one. But this is the first
time ever heard of one tearing hole
in the ground
II explained what had happened.
Tom could hardly restrain his grief at
the thought of his grizzly's fate.
"'His life was one long career of
victory said Tom with tears in his
eyes, but even a grizzly can't stand q
diet of nitro-glycerin and hard knocks.
/ would inter him with honors II
could. But would have to celebrate
his obsequies over the bigger part Of
this county. And I'm not willing to
conduct continuous performance fu.
nerals, even for the sake Of my cher.
Sshed pet"
The Ordway new era., 1908-01-10

was only two or three years older than
Max. III you do. you'll break your
neck"
II promise not to try" replied Max.
my neck will serve me many years
yet"
1T Will not II you have the habit of
running away with persons above you
In quality. Actions like that are not
permissible In Europe" The colonel
spoke rather grimly, for all his smile.
The door slammed. there was a
grinding OF the key in the lock. and
Max was alone.
The library at Doppelkinn was all
the name implied. The cases were low
and ran around the room. and were
filled with romance, history. biography
and even poetry. The great circular
reading table was Uttered with new
books, periodicals and illustrated week
lies Once Doppelliinn had been threat
ened with IA literary turn of mind. but
bad vintage coming along at the
same time had effected a permanent
cure.
Max slid into "A chair and took up a
paper, turning the pages at random
What was the matter with the room
Certainly 1t was not close, nor damp.
nor chill. What was it? He let the
paper fall to the floor. and his eyes
roved from one object to another
Where had he seen that Chinese mask
before. and that great silver-faced
clock? Somehow. mysterious and
strange as 1t seemed, all this was
vaguely familiar to him. Doubtless he
had seen a picture of the room some.
where. He rose and wandered about.
In one corner of the bookshelvcs
stood pile of boys books and some
broken toys with the dust of ages upon
them. He picked up n row of painted
soldiers. and balanced them thought.
fully on his hand. Then he looked into
one of the picture.books. 1t was a
Santa Claus story; some of the pic.
lures were torn and some stuck to.
gethcr, reminder of sticky. candied
hands. He gently replaced the book
and toys. and stared absently into
space. How long he stood that way he
The Ordway new era., 1908-01-10

did not recollect, but he was finally
aroused by the sound of slamming
doors and new voices. He returned to
his chair and waited for the denoue-
ment which the marrow in his bones
told him was about to approach.
1t seemed incredible that he, of all
persons. should be plucked out of the
practical ways of men and thrust into
the unreal fantasies of romance. A
hubbub in Il restaurant. headlong
dash into carriage compartment. a
long ride with a princess, and all with
in three short hours! 1t was like some
weird dream. And how the deuce
would 1t end?
He gazed at the toys again.
And then the door opened and he
was told to come out. The grand duke
had arrived.
"This will be the final roundup" he
laughed quietly, his thought whimsical
ly travelling back to the great plains
and the long rides under the starry
night.
The Ordway new era., 1908-01-10

this time threatened to crack the table.
leaf. I'm not going to risk my liberty
with a girl who has no more sense Of
dignity than she has"
ut is very kind of you," murmured
the princess.
Shed make a fine Wife" went on
the prince, ignoring the interruption
| NO, thousand times no! Take her
away-life's too short: take her away!
Let her marry the fellow: he's young
and may get over it."
The duke was furious. He looked
around for something to strike, and
! nothing but the table being convenient.
he smashed leaf and sent a vase clat-
| tering to the floor. He was stronger
than the prince, otherwise there
wouldn't have been a table to thwack.
That's right: go on! Break all the
furniture, If 1t will do you any good:
but mark me, you'll foot the bill" The
prince began to dance around. 81 will
not marry the girl. That's as final as
l can make it. The sooner you calm
down the better.'
cro BE CoNTINUED)
The Ordway new era., 1908-01-10
jealousy.

Talking about Creole jealousy
said the observant man, Il saw a
specimen of Chicago Jealousy the
other night that had it beaten to a
fragile. A handsome fellow was at
dinner with two girls, whey a young
woman came in. caught a corner of
the tablecloth, and yanked the whole
tableful of dishes and dinner off onto
the floor, then walked ort of the
room.
What did the man do? Followed
her and made friends with her again.
She was his flancee. He gave her a
$500 diamond ring afterward, they
said. II she had been his wife he
would in all probability have beaten
her instead of giving her present.
Chicago Inter Ocean.
The Ordway new era., 1908-01-10
ocopy right. 1906. Bobbs-Merrli Coz
SYNOPSIS.

M Warrington. American consul
n1Dchcit. tells how rcignlnE Grand
4ttempts to force his nclcc. Prin-
TO marry Prince Dopplc-
- m old widowcr. While riding
ack In the country night overtakcs
~ nd he seeks accommodations in u
1m10Atcd cnstle. Here he finds Prin-
and "a friend. Hon. Betty
- of England. They dctain him to
49, n mock marriage between the
D and disgrnccd army officer.
|1Iock. done FOR the purpose Of foiling
and duke. Stcinbock attempts to
u - princess and she Is rescued by
1u1nEton. Stcinbock disappears for
~ Max Scharfenstcin. an old Amcrl-
Iz1end OF Warrington's reaches Bar
~ Warrington tells him of the prin-
- y Scharfenstcin shows Warrington
l0e1at with "A picture OF woman in
~ II was on his neck when he. as u
n Vas picked up and adopted by his
father. whose name he was given.
f]xnlievcs II to be picture OF his
-. The grand duke announces to
1y1nccss that she IL to marry Dopplc-
r nc following week. During n morn
a. uldc she plans to escape. She meets
1IR4enstcin. He finds n purse she has
Gped but does not discover her. idcn-
e Warrington cntcrtaius at "A public
InHnnt for number OF American
~ students. Max arrives late and
- an interesting bit of gossip to the
that tn. princess has run away
= Barschcit. Hc unwittinEly ofrcnds
ln.lvc officer and subjects himself To
- nrrcst. Max tx persuaded to take
- the American students passports
W GBcapc. The grand duk" discovers
(uDrapc OF the princess. She leaves Il
II GnyinE she has clUpcd. Efforts are
to stop the princess Ht the frontier
Moore asks for her passport She
IWnrrington for assistance in l.av-
Arschcit. and invites him To call on
London. Max finds the princess In
Dt4ilway carriage. She accuses him
1owing her. He returns to her the
- he had found. II contained II thou
bounds In bank notes. At the from
Lax and the princess are arrested
1nkcn to Dopplckinn's palace.