The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-10-22
DRTFTWOoD
Go to the rich aunt. thou sluggard.

Go to the rich aunt. thou sluggard.
 To remove ink stains From the car pet. apply dynamite. A drunk isn't necessarily cheerful when he gets his spirits up.
 You ought to have some aim in life" ...-.-.-. T have-I always did want to go up in a balloon"
 Nell:-'Did you find those stockings Bell:-"well, they were not so black as they were painted"
 'Tm going to write book that will
 what will you call itr"
 How to Make Pudding"
 - Strange but a V nan may be fol- lowing a stage career and leading lady at the same time..l
 Don't you think, Major" asked the young man in the front row, that that soubrette sings her march. song In
 T should say so," returned the other laconicaIiy, ''so realistic in fact; that I feel like getting right uls and fighting when I hear her" 
 My love for you would reach around the earth" he said fervently.
 Don't you think 1t would be better If it reached around something CT smaller?' said the Montgomery maiden with blush.
 About the only thing worthy of make one for thirty days.
 1~. husband for 'vorce because fourteen years ago he began celebrating their marriage and has never sobered up since. Some women are so unappre- ciative.
 man has been fined S5 for kissing a Pennsylvania girl. Serves him right. Who wants to kiss Pennsylvania girl?
 ''The man who sits next to you on the street car and munches peanuts. !" says Colonel John Reese, "has the nd seat hog put back in the sty." How about the conductor who insists on ta- king your nickel when you are try ing to look out of the window and beat your way?
 The eyelid of the average person opens and closes no less than 4,0O0,5 times each year. (Soubrettes who sing 
 this estimate)
 No matter how small flat may oe there is generally room some where for the family skeleton.
 An extraordinarily handsome man IS never of very much use in this world as he is too busy posing and thinking of the number of feminine hearts he IS staying.
 About the most ridiculous mollycod- dlish sight in this world Is to see a gigantic man with high effeminate voice.
 And what do you think; even Pitts burg won't stand for the "Salome" dance.
 There were said to be some frogs hens, We have a suspicion that this story emanated from the fertile braiIl of one George Bailey.
 Somebody gays that baseball stories ought to be reported in plain English so that women can understand them.
 At a horse show the clothes-horse Is the principal animal, not the other kind.
 Haley's comet is said to have lost it's tail With the kind permission of MT. Roosevelt, perhaps, 1t can get an other.
 Andrew Carnegie gave that $2OOoC to the Republican Campaign Funu breathing this prayer: In Steel We Trust"
 Train a child up in the way he should go and when he gets older S,e will de- part from it-occasionally just by the way of variety.
 If you must lie. please be a cheerful liar.
 Peep from your window. Lady.
 Let your sweet smile beam, An I'll wait below Where to an fro The roses nod and dream. An wait me a kiss. my Lady. St aight from the heart of you. While your sweetheart eyes Wherein love lies Shall beam on me fond an true. -P4AIL II. ARMSTRONG. Back at Drift. l Whats the outcome of a small in | come?" asks Drift Armstrong. Gen orally it's the dun-come-Columbu Ledger.
 "Domestic dificulty-dischargi tn 1 cook says Drift Armstrong. Differ | ent over here. The real domestic diff l culty in Atlanta is in hiring cook