davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31
The Sarcastic Victim.

The Barber-Your hair Is coming out
On top, sir.
The Crank-Goodi 1 knew 1t was in
me. Now, for goodness sake, don't
talk to it or it will crawl back again.
Houston Post
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31

Nobody has denied the right II
Mr.. Glenn to run, but If We have
made it a little too plain why we
preferred the other man, you will
just have to overlook it.-Durham
Herald.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31
Still Another Excuse.

"Are you willing to chop some wood
for your dinner?"
Lady" answered Flooding Pete,
"I'm interested in de preservation Of
the forests, an it would be ag'in' me
principles to put an ak into one of de
monarchs Of de forest, ever though he
lay PROSTATE at me feet."-Washing-
ton Star.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31

yes, indeed, he's one of the most
interesting characters in the smart
SET"
How utterly ridiculousi Why
he has practically no character at
ALL"
Exactly. The contemplate
the character the more interesting
it Is in the smart set-"-Catholic
Standard and Times.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31

1t coaxes back that well feeling,
healthy look, puts the sap Of life In
your system, protects you from dis
ease. HOLSTERS Rocky Mountain Tea
has no equal as a spring ionic for the
whole family. 35c, Tea or Tablets. K,
r. Bel!amy.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31
Those He M ade.

"I'm sorry" said the man tailor,
that your last gown didn't please
you. I hope that won't prevent you
sending your friends to u.s."
"T'm afraid it WILL" replied Mrs.
Swellman. 81 don't want to get them
into bad habits."-Philadelphia Press.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31

9ert Barber, OF EIron. Wis, says:
81 have only taken four doses OF
your Kidney and Bladder Pills and
they have done for me more thar any
other remedy base yer done" Mr..
Barber refers TO DeWitt's Kidney and
Bladder Pills. They are sold by r.
R. Bellamy.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31

Ii you lave catarrh. RIO yourself
of this repuls1ve disease. Ask DR..
Shoop of Racine, WIS.,, 20 mall you,
free, a trial box Of his DR.. Shops
Catarrh Remedy. A simple. single
test, will surely tell you a catarrh
truth we'll worry your knowing. Write
today. Don't suffer longer. Robert
r. Belfamy.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31

The fellow who says a good demo-
crat cannot be against the prohibit
ton bill is on the same plane with
the fellow who declares that no dem
ocrat who is opposed to the measure
should receive favors from the peo-
pie. When We hear sentiments like
these We are constrained to be-
lieye that the bug-house is yawning
for it's own.-Raleigh Times.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31
Puttind 1t O

81 notice." said the new guest that
everybody calls that hallboy Of yours
Buttons"
Yes" replied the hotel proprietor;
"he Is so called because it Is his duty
to gather up from the dining room
floor after each meal the numerous
buttons the gentlemen burst from their
vests."-Philadelphia Press.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31

Now's hi time to take Rocky
Mountain Tea 1t drives out the
germs of winter, builds up the sto-
mach, kidneys and liver. The most
wonderful spring tonic to make Deo-
pie well. You'll be surprised with re-
suits. Csc, Tea or Tablets. R K
Bellamy.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31

Il believe" declared the Irish
man, that me youngest sons born
t be a surgeon"
"Phat leads ye t. say thot?'
asked his friend.
"Oi caught him usin' tn scissors
On a book Old lately bought an
before Oh cd stop him he cut out tn
appindix. "-Magazine.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31

Many people have q narrow escape
from pneumonia and consumption az
a result Of q cold that hangs On. Fo-
ley's Honey and Tar cures coughs and
colds no matter how deep seated
and prevents pneumonia and consump.
ton Refuse substituted R n Balla-
~ asnxaaa 49,
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31

What a singular looking counter
panel" said the eminent physician.
Counterpart" exclaimed his wife.
Yet you are supposed to be one of
the greatest authorities in the coun-
try on brain Diseases" 81 fail to
see the connection" That's a
crazy quilt. you ninny."-Chicago
Tribune.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31

lily Eel ) =. i.H:u<: All CANT mar
=" 80 ir>t get awhile. YoIi hab to
Vait,
iturua- Shy for mus | wait. Lily
Bcil:
LILY Heii-'Cause three Of the fami-
lies naming washes for done quit her.
an now she sca'cely makes 'nough to
support me an paw.-Judge.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31
A Life At Stake

Your life may be at stake when you
notice any sign OF kidney and bladder
trouble as Bright's disease and dia-
betes start with a slight ~irresularity
that could be quickly cured by Foley's
Kidney Remedy. Commence taking
it at the first sign OF danger. Il. r.
Bellamy.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31

Capt. Ashes announcement Of his
candidacy for state treasurer seems
to have had the effect Of restoring
Mr.. Lacy to good health.-Charlotte
Chronicle.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31

And still it may be that Judge
Pritchard was wrong. His critics
may claim that the supreme court
knows nothing about it.-Durham
Herald.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31

Giles-Which do you consider the
most important of your senses?
Smiles-The sense OF touch Giles
How do you figure that out?
Smiles-But for It there are times
when I wouldn't be able to raise the
price Of O msal.-Chtsago NewR
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31
Call to Charlotte Presbyterian Church
Declined.

There is keen disappointment gen
orally amongst the members OF the
Second Presbyterian church over the
declination Of their call to Rev. VIM.
A. Dobyns, OF st. Joseph, Mo. 4 tel
egram from the Missouri preacher to
Mr.. J.. G. McNeilly, received today.
states that he cannot accept the call
Charlotte News.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31

Don't think that piles can't lie cur
ed. Thousands of obstinate cases Rave
been cured by Doan's Ointment. so
cents at any drug store.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31

Solemn Man-Do you hear the
clock ticking slowly? Do you know
what day it is ever bringing near
er? Cheerful Man-Yes; payday.
Philadelphia Enquirer.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31

The General Mrs. Vansittart
laces up pretty tight before a good
dinner-what? The Hostess-Oh,
yes! You see, she prefers grace
before meat!-London Opinion.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31

Miss Gusher-I understand, pro-
f~essor, that you have mastered all
the modern tongues. Prof. Wise
all but my wife's.-Brooklyn Eagle.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31

The court did not say that the
two and a quarter cent rate was
ConnGcatoTy. We had already adj
mitted that much of it--Durhan
Herald.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31
CA
asa,s tia ,TR Kind You HaTs Always Bought
s's.; :: ZMAZzzw

"Advertiments on the scenery"
exclaimed the star. That's cary
rying commercialism really too far"
eft isn't commercialism,' exclaim-
ed the manager. 1--WE want the
scene to look like a real meadow,
don't we?"-Tit-Bits.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31

DeWitt's Carbolized Witch Hazel
Salve 10 especially good for piles. Sold
by Robert 2. Bellamy.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31

do you think kissing is danger
ous?" Not when you're in the
parlor and all the doors are closed"
Journal.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31

Miss Elkins has succeeded In Great
ing at least an illusion of not having
pursued and captured q tftle.-New
York Sun.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31

Roanoke, Va. March 26.-The Fifth
Virginia district republican conven-
ton met today at Rocky Mount and
elected l.. A. Davis end Dexter Goad
delegate ID The national convention
at Chicago. The delegates were In
structe6 TO w. r Taft The admin
istration OF Roosevelt was endors-
ed ,
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31

Washington, March 26.-FollowinE
n hearing held yesterday. the second
class mailing privilege OF LaQuestions
Sociale. an Italian publication issued
at Patterson. ~. j., was annulled by
the postofice department today. Lu-
dovice Caminits. editor OF the paper.
appeared tlfore Third Assistant Post
master General Lawshe yesterday and
admitted his responsibility for the ar
ticles which caused Postmaster Gene
raj Meyer to declare the publication
unmilable.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31

San Francisco. March ;6.-Three
indictments. each containing three
points against Patrick Calhoun. pres
ident OF the United Railways. Tierey.
general counsel for the same corpora
ton and Abraham Ruef. former po-
litical boss OF San Francisco, secret
ly voted by the grand jury last night.
were filed with presiding Judge Sur
tevant this morning.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31

Uss DeWitt's Little Early Risers,
pleasant little pills. They are easy
to ts'-e. Sold by Robert r. Bellamy.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1908-03-31
~TELEGRAPHIC BRIEFS.

Washington, March s6.-The prcsi-
dent today nominated Thomas Hes
ter. postmaster at Gaffney. S. G.
Truth. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1901-1908, 1908-08-01

wilderness and practically made to bloom as the
rose achieved accomplished at tremen
energy labor they had neither capital modern
IMPLEMENTS podded and finally victorious in con-
ouerng the making this land fit habitaton for
But within midst today is who is no less
the original pioneers We refer Mr. A.
president and of the Telluride Realty Co. lie
looked the for build
land situated between the of the city and
the western United States
on east The of land he selected seemed be
unpposseng had lain dormant for TO- these
wears In would be hard find of country around
of Salt Lake City that seemed offer little
enlargement redemption For the flood during
periods had guhed random this land and
cut be countless miniature ravnes and
But this the piece of ground that Mr. Wrench
desirable build MODERN model homes and
residences
he took party of city officials and newspaper
bidding unnvng stretch of country they had few months
ago most delightful and beautiful section of land
The whole of property laid and
parks with modern convenience walks cubs and
graded and peothc paved streets water and
and shrubs And the the and
city is something that is joy forever
The prime motive in Mr. Wrenchs mind likely
making by selling lots this beautiful district but nevertheless
he has demonstrated that there practically nothing impossible for
accomplish he has but the inclination ability and the
facility
What took the pioneers of older days. decades and
almost centuries accomplish the modern pioneer home builder
and land redeemer accompishes in days months
Truth. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1901-1908, 1908-08-01
Will Boost the State


Most of the time the of the Salt Lake Rea! Estate
Association Wednesday afternoon taken with discussion
the of boosting the and when delegates
the grand convention of the Faerna Order of Eagles Seattle
through this city the home from the convention The
convention is to be held in Seattle August H. and said
there will be fully 10000 people There will be special trains
delegates and members all of the United States ncud
from New York New Jersey
Denver two from Chicago and from other points Many of
these trains will through Salt Lake City the home
Chicago train sections reaching this city about
1t intended make the occasion of these visits grand
position of the beauties and advantages Salt
Utah. Not only will committees be appointed
ors and show them about but large quantity of
Nantages of the 4
1t intended special edition of The
W with stories setting forth the agricultural and industrial adj
Nantage OF Utah. the subjects be prepared by the
who be obtained the and calling
wealth. the agricultural the manufacturing
the other advantages be obtained here In
be advantage all
show the visitors from the that the
with the best in that section of the
them little better.
special train Of the Eagles will leave August attend
literature for boosting the city and Full details the
men has not yet been completed but will be
as soon as possible that each department will be in good
At business meeting four members elected
association H. Caquist John A. Burt, Joseph W. Eardy
Peter G. Carlston At the luncheon which meer~
there nineteen present
Truth. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1901-1908, 1908-08-01
EDITORIALS
RELIGION, NEWSPAPERS, PATENT
CONSISTENCY.
MEDICINES AND

CONSISTENCY
The Deseret News printed every evening City,
about way paper being in
Isl tent and t even Of h %r G sss % a
terDay Saints This church herishe its tenets of faith
healing pre-
vailed the days of the Master eighteen hundred
There time when the Mormons here very enhus
iastc about DOCTORS and their faith the efficacy drugs and
w s Gs % sy as be-
But look you at the pages OF that paper which the Official
and umbug crea and will find that probably carries
of this kind of advertising than other daily the inter
mountain
We recently talking with advertising and refused
him contract with paper because we believed the kind OF ed
He said Why the Desere News carries it and splendid
results from it, And there the pernicous part OF When
official
pretends believe medicines and other notorious fakes
advertising pages places directly
it practically lends its influence to further and aid in paming off
the public for consideration something that knows should
know it knows what the organization for which is the official
organ believes in, is wrong
Many of the best periodicals in the United today without
the light of claim to revelation superior knowledge but
abomnabe medicine humbug advertisements And why
that represents people who claim they do not believe in
paper exploiting and recommending in
the homes Of its readers the value and worth of these pnicous
Another thing We had bond election in this and
the News edtoa and otherwise opposed the bond and
and stories denouncng the campaign for the bonds the
the bonds Now woud in the "ame eoene a hepe
should be sembance of honesty and sincerity church
opposed measure they should not for the sake pa mon
etay consideration allow themselves Jansfaced the
does predominant religious
most time that just plain ordinary men who make long
SO that may learn what means to be at least halfway consistent
the paper entitled consideration
who conduct it.
AND THIS is NOT AN ADVERTISEMENT EITHER
The pioneers who came to Utah sixty deserve
Truth. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1901-1908, 1908-08-01
Y ADVERTISEMENT, EITHER.

The pioneers who Utah sixty years ago
ng and great credit for the work they accomplished They
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1908-03-20
EYESlGHT WAS IN DANGER
From Terrible eczen7a-saby' Head
Mass of Itching Rash ard Sores
disease Cured by Cuticurs.

@OuE little girl was two months old
when she got rash on her face and
within five days her face and head
were all one sore We used different
remedies but il got worse instead of
better and We thought she would turn
blind and that her ears would fall of
She suffered terribly. and would
scratch until the blood came This
went on until she was five months old
then had her under our family doc.
tors care, but she continued 10 grow
worse He said il was eczema When
she was seven months old ! started
to use the Cutfcura Remedies and in
two months our baby vas 4 different
girl You could not see a sign OF q
sore and she was as fair as q new
born baby She has not had sign OF
the eczema since. Mrs H F. Budke,,
LeSueur, MINI, APE Is and May >. OF.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1908-03-20
lUN EsGo

This IS really rheumatism OF the
Muscles Of the Loins AMI is character
ixei by a severe, 81 times, sgonizing
pain in the small OF the hack. allow
ing the sufferer scarcely moments
rest, while the ailEeat is al its worst.
II can come from cold. exposure TO
draft, from getting wet feet or wear
ing set o. damp clothing. Ii causes
acute suffering. and If allowed to be
come chronic II may permanently dis
able the sufferer. The way 10 secure
quickest reltef is 10 redien the skin
& flesh brush o. piece Of flannel rag.
and then apply ST JACOBS OIL ny
gentle friction with the hand.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1908-03-20
Good Eve, Cuchvislir.

Who can set bounds 10 the soaring
Imagination OF the Celt7 An enthuss-
astic New Yorker recently watching
game of hurling-which resembles ia
crosse-between stalwaTt teams. Was
moved to ask President Conway OF the
Irish Athletic association how far
good man could drive the ball.
Well. I'll tell you. responded Mr.
Conway, with twinkle in his eye that
contradicted his serious speech IN
the good old days when Cuchuillin was
champion of Ireland, the king and all
the nobility were assembled at the
great games Of Tailtin. Cuchuillin
struck up a hurley bail into the sky,
and then walked of to his pavilion and
took a drink of potheen. and stTolled
back to the spot in good time TO catch
the ball on his hurley. -Harper's
Weekly.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1908-03-20
MUSIC STUDENTS
Should Have Steady Nerves.

The nervous system of the musician
is often very sensitive and any habit
like coffee drinking may so UPSET the
nerves as to make regular and neees-
sary daily practise next to impossible.
Il practise from seven to eight hours
q day and study Harmony two hours"
writes a Mich. music student Last
September l was SO nervous could
only practise few minutes at time,
and mother said would have to drop
my music for year.
This was terribly discouraging as
l couldn't bear the thought OF losing
q whole year Of study. Becoming con.
WINGED that my nervousness was
caused largely by coffee, and seeing
Postum so highly spoken of. / de-
cided xould test it for while.
Mother followed the directions
carefully and l thought I had never
tasted such a delicious drink. We
drank Postum every morning instead
OF coffee, and by November felt more
like myself than for years, and was
ready to resume my music
Il now practise as usual, do my
studying and when my days work is
finished l am not any more nervous
than when began.
Il cannot too highly recommend
Postum to musicians who practise half
q day. Ny father is physician and
recommends Postum to his patients.
Words cannot express my appreciation
for this most valuable health bever-
age, and experience has proven its
superiority over all others" There's
q Reason"
Name given by Postum Co. Battle
Greek. Mich. Read The Road to
MELVILLE" In pkgs.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1908-03-20
IN MANY LINES OF BUSINESS,
Witness Evidently Was Man q I'm
usual Qualifications.

S. T. JocelyR Of Wichita vas court
stenographer for Judge pancoast Of
Oklahoma for several years One time
q case was being tried before Judge
Paneoast and they we're endeavorins
TO find out through witness whether
there had been an liquor sold.
What is your business asked the
lawyer. MY business" repeated the
witness laconically. oh. / have lots
OF business" Answer the question"
said the lawyer. What is your bust,
ness" Must tell all my business"
insisted the witness again "Answe,
the question" interposed the judge
severely
Well" responded he chee<ully,
I'm deputy sheriff and city marshal
for Gunner. jani-nr OF the church ano
bartender of the Fl Paso saloon. -
Kansas City Times
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1908-03-20
HOW 70 KNOW PURE PAINT.
A Way In Which u May BE Identified
Before Using.

After building has been painted
long enough for weather test, ii In
easy to tell il the paint used was made
Of pure White Lead or not. But such
telated knowledge comes like locking
the barn after the colt Is stolen.
What one wants is a test that will
tell the quality Of the paint before It
and the labor Of putting it ON are
paid for.
Nature has provided a way In which
genuine White Lead may be positive
~ distinguished from adulterated OF,
fake White Lead before you spend q
cent ON your painting.
Pure White Lead is made from me-
talic lead. and. under intense heat.
such as is produced by q blow.pipe,
pure White Lead will resolve!tse!f back
into metallic lead. If, however. it is
not genuine White Lead. or If it con.
tains the slightest trace of adultera-
ton. the change will not take place.
Therefore the "blow.pipe" test is an
absolute and final one.
The National Lead Company are
urging everyone interested in painting
to make this test of paint before using
1t, and they guarantee that the pure
White Lead sold under their Dutch
Boy Painter" trademark will ALWAYS
prove absolutely pure under the blow
pipe" or any other test. To make it
easy for YOU TO perform the expert
ment they will send YOU free upon re-
quest blow-pipe and everything nee
essary for you to make the test to-
gether with a valuable booklet on
paint Address, National Lead Com
pany, Woodbridge Building, New York
CITY
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1908-03-20
THREATEN PENSION OFFICE.
fhe House Votes to Abolish the Des
Moines Agency

Washington, q. C., March e0.-Once
more the Des Moines pension agency
is threatened with abolisamen; By
vote OF So TO 139 yesterday the
house rejected the amendment of Rep
rssencaC;ve Taylor OF Ohio to the
pension appropriation bill Intended 10
restore the agencies. which had been
stricken out by the house committee
and voted 10 abolish the agencies at
De. Moines and seventeen others and
10 concentrate all pension business Of!
the country 2. Washington.
II is not yet certain, however. that
this action will result in the abolish
uent OF the Des Moiles agency. The
bill has yet TO be passed on by the
senate. and that bcdr may take views
that the present list Of agencies
should be retained. In the last con
sress the house voted to abolish the
Des Moines and other agencies. bu,
the senate restored item, and it is
quite possible the senate will take a
similar stand this year. 1t is plain
however. that in view of the house
sentiment in favor OF aboLishnent II
is question OF but few years at
the most when the agencies will be
wiped ont and the business will be
centered In this city.