davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-06-17

Nell-~f hear you are going to get
married. "Bell--"Married? Why, such
a thing as marriage has never occur
red TO me-" Nell--"Well, didn't
suppose you had been married before"
Philadelphia Record.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-06-17

That Republican platform printed in
Salt Lake Tuesday afternoon isn't Very
creditable newspaper work, considering
that no platform had been even pre-
scented TO the convention"
SO says a morning contemporary that
has not yet published any platform
whatever OF the great Republican con-
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-06-17

Mr., Fred klesel is citizen of whom
ogden may be proud, in fact he Is a
man OF whom the whole State may be
proud.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-06-17

The Duke Of the Abruzz says that
he is willing to wait ten years to we'd
Miss Eklns. But is there any such
necessity?
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-06-17

a remarkable pair of trousers has
been sent to Secretary Taft from
Texas Those who know him say that
he VIII wear the breaches.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-06-17

Mars is going dry. declares Professor
Lowell. So they have Prohibition
party in Mars, do they7
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-06-17

Fish seem to be Just as scarce and
dear as ever notwithstanding the great
catches that are reported.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-06-17
Not Quite Enough.

Mooney-Faith. OF cud die listenin'
to Tom Callahan play tn poipes.
Donohue-Fer meself, Ord prefer a
peaceful ind. Judge.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-06-17

The motto of many politicians is. do
unto others as they would do unto you,
and do 1t first"
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-06-17

II the national conventions put a
good roads plank in their platforms Of
course It win be Il demand for plank
roads.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-06-17

Los Angeles Is to have certified milk.
This must be something like the fa-
nous milk In the cocoanut.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-06-17

Hetty Green has gone back to the
simple life. The life at the Plaza was
too rich for her blood.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-06-17

The summers cool for the summer
school.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-06-17

A word to the wise from Washing.
ton is sufficient,
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-06-17

In that great Coliseum the perma-
nent chairman looks like Lodge in
some vast wilderness.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-06-17

In about three weeks Denver Will be
the cynosure OF al. eyes.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-06-17

Smithson-"Poor chap! under
stand that he was dubbed to death"
Jonesby-"Yes; he belonged to four,
] think. Judge.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-06-17

Currency doesn't necessarily have to
be metallic to be sound
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-06-17
MIR. ORIOLES COMIC OPERA.


II was evident during the initial
rendition of 'The Merry Grafters'' at
the Salt Lake Theater. that in MI
Harold orlob this city has youns
composer of more than ordinary talent
! His many friends had looked forward
| with anticipation to this performance,
and. judging from the ovation with
which it was received. they we're not
| disappointed. The music from first to
last was excellent, and in some pieces
az In the Pioneer song. and the chorus
| OF the Bell song It was grand and in
| spring. Mr. Orlob should have great
| future before him IN the world Of mus
| lc where talent and inclination have
| placed him. The audience was also very
| much pleased TO make the acquaint-
ance of Mrs. orlob, charming and
talented young actress who appeared
| here for the first time, and won the
hearts of all.
| 1t is not the place here to offer any
criticism. nor to make any extended
mention of the excellent singing by the
various soloists and the chorus. The
News has an unusually ably con-
Quoted dramatic department, to which
such criticism belongs. The chorus was
very enjoyable feature OF the per-
Torrance There We're some excellent
voices and they gave evidence of good
training. Among the boys and girls
were some singers of whom the public
may hear more in the future. Music
lovers will be pleased to attend this
comic opera. which has more merit
than many OF the pieces that draw
"full house"
A unique feature of Mr. Orlob's mu-
steal production is the Newhouse song.
in which that gentleman is paid high
compliment. The generous applause
) which greeted that number was indis-
putable proof OF the popularity of Mr..
Newhouse In this community. And
the reason for this might be made the
subject Of special study by ex~Sen-
ator Kearns, for instance. Mr.. New
house has spent a good deal OF money
to help build up Salt Lake. He has
never spent one cent on tearing the
City down. He has used his influence
against strife breeding, and we have
reason to believe that he will do SO
again If the necessity requires 1t. He
has been doing a great deal of good
in quiet, unassuming way. For
these reasons, Mr. Newhouse Is popu-
lar with all classes. Mr.. Kearns has,
fooiishly taken very different course
And he is not popular, not even among
the sycophants who accept his money
and do his bidding.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-06-17

A great deal of campaign hot air is
nothing but laughing gas.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-06-17

Some of the presidential booms are as
meek as Mary's little lamb.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-06-17

To make the Fourth glorious, make it
noiseless,
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-06-17

The Chicago platform is very broad
and exceedingly long
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-06-17

"Cummins through the rye" is very
popular in Chicago Just now.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-06-17

Kansas, dry" state, is soaked.
The broad ax., 1908-08-22
Humor
WAITING FOR ANOTHER.

How = Borrower Expects to Square .
Debt.
The impecunious man got the atten-
ton OF a group Of friends long enough
to tell them a little joke on himself.
At inst they regarded him with deep
suspicion, most OF them having suf-
fered more or less from his sorry
habit OF borrowing. When he had
convinced them that he had no designs
on their pocketboOks they consented
to listen to his story.
well" he began, Il have a very
dear friend whom long hesitated TO
borrow from because Of my regretta-
bic observation-disclosures In such matters.
HEAVY signs from the assemblage. I
However, being in desperate straits
one day, l mustered up courage to
touch him for a i've spot. Guess he
hadn't heard much about me, for he
went right down into his pocket and
dug up the requested sum.
IAN right. old chap said he. Amy
time can help you out In a pinch III
be glad to do So
That was some three weeks ago.
and OF course had tried to forget II,
not having managed to gather the
amount Of the loan meanwhile. The
other morning my friend approached
me with a genuinely serious air.
Say he said, 4 had funny dream
last night, and you were In it.
That soF said TvVhaf xraa I
doing-returning money that 1 had
borrowedY
:" That's Just what you were doing
in part Of the dream replied my
friend. We were at a social gather
ing and could plainly see you hand
me the five-by the way he broke OF,
have you really paid me that hver
"No,' l responded, and / could
have kicked myself the moment the
word escaped my lips.
"'Well,' said my friend, that dream
made so strong an impression upon
me that was half convinced you had
really paid me. and II you had said
you did / would not have doubted
your word
Il took very little interest In the re-
mainder Of the dream" said the i'm
pecunious man sadly.
'Have you paid him yetT' one Of the
listeners asked.
NO" was the reply. II am waiting
for him to have another dream."-De-
troit Free Press.
The broad ax., 1908-08-22
Church Work.

The national board of church ex-
tension Of the Christian church Is Try
ing to raise 100000 by the end Of
next year.
The new buildings Of the Wesleyan
East End mission, In London, cover
one and hree-fourths acres and are
the result Of twenty-three years work.
The first payment has been made on
the three and one-half acre tract Of
land In Baltimore which is to be the
site for the Episcopal cathedral In that
city.
The summer vacation work Of the
Episcopal City mission in Boston costs
about 5000, being devoted wholly
to the care Of women and children who
need fresh air.
There are about 1000 churches in the
missionary territory over which Rev.
@. A Woody acts as superintendent
he being an agent Of the Baptists In
Montana, Idaho, Washington, Califor-
mia, Oregon and Nevada.
The broad ax., 1908-08-22
Fly Catches.

Pitcher Wnlett Of the Detroit Amer
leans is making good Manager Jen-
nings' claim for him.
'Pittsburg's perennial pennant pur-
suing Pirates" is the way a New York
scribe designates Barney Dreyfuss' Ma
donal league representatives.
While no one pretends to want Bugs
Raymond, there are just about three
National league clubs that would give
their eyeteeth to win him away from
St Louis.
Konetchy OF the ST. Louis Nationals
Is a much better first baseman than he
was last year. II he shows the same
ratio Of advancement next year be
viii be fur Aedged star.
Pitcher Eddie Summers Of the De
troit Americans is the hardest loser In
the game. The other day Cleveland
took a fall out Of his delivery, and De
trolt bit the dust. After the game
Summers retired to the dressing room
and shed really and truly salt water
tears.
The broad ax., 1908-08-22
SHORT STORIES.


When a heavy ran OF snow occurs ia
yaldes, ALASKA, the hre department q
called out to clear the sidewalks.
During the rs years In which We
have had a national house Of repre-
sentatives 1t has never had a speaker
who was born IN New York city.
Up to 1906 pennsylvania produced
more natural gas than she could make
use OF, but now It is necessary TO
draw upon the supply OF West viz
GINA.
Omcers experimenting and men en-
ployed In the construction OF the new
battleship at the New York navy yard
have been strictly forbidden to give
out any information about the work.
Since its establishment the DEPART
men OF agriculture has cost the United
States more than $200.0O0,0O0. 1t has
given employment at different times
to 5000 experts and professors and
issued 1858 publications.
Probably the longest II not the
largest barn In Massachusetts, Is in
one Of the tobacco fields in Westfeld.
This barn, which has been added to
from time 70 time, as the business Of
the owners prospered, Is now 500 feet
long.
The broad ax., 1908-08-22
Laundry Lines.

Drive a hook or staple in small end
Of ironing board and hang In closet or
inside Of door.
In ironing handkerchiefs It IS wen to
begin at the center. If one irons the
hem first the middle win have q tend
ency to bulge or ''fun."
If you Unexpectedly find your wire
elothesline hopelessly rusted, lay strips
Of newspaper on it and pin clothes
over them. Then the first bright day
give your line two good coats OF gray
paint
Flannel VIII not harden or shrink II
when new 1t is put into clean cold
water and left for a week, changing
the water frequently. Wash well in
warm water, using a little soap to ne
move the oil. Flannel thus washed
never hardens.
The broad ax., 1908-08-22
Facts From France.

The Paris Gaulois says that Taft's
nomination is due to Mrs. Nicholas
LOngwOrth-
In the little town Of Venauson, in
France, a man named Guigo has been
elected mayor, his brother clerk and
his six sons municipal councillors.
Although France has had compul-
sorry education for about twenty-five
years, the percentage Of iliterates
reaches the high figure OF forty per
1000 men and sixty per 1000 women
The former residence Of the Cath
ole bishop at MarseIlles. France, is
now used as a police station, while his
chapel Is used for an assembly room
for the onlcials. this being one Of the
odd turns brought about through the
expulsion Of the church from France.
The broad ax., 1908-08-22
English Etchings.

London eats 10000 tons of fish a
year.
England loses 10000 persons every
year by emigration.
The newest visiting card fad is to
have a little plan showing the resi-
dence and the adjacent streets printed
On the back.
The latest wonder Is the installation
at the London Hippodrome Of series
OF tiny machines that silently generate
sea air in the auditorium.
The Society For the Protection Of
Ancient Buildings has been making
strenuous protests Of late against the
manner IN which Exeter cathedral is
being restored, more especially with
reference to the sculpture, which, 1t Is
declared, has been obliterated without
reason.
The broad ax., 1908-08-22
Current Comment.

The most dangerous Of the revenue
cutters Is the tax dodger. - Atlanta
Journal.
Eight men who were Tilted by q
Chicago girl have formed club. Graf
itude has strange ways Of manifestine
itself.-Bunalo Express
eve are not" says DR.. Wiley Of the
departrlent OF Agriculture, "a nation
OF rascels" We are glad Dr.. Wiley
has confirmed a suppositiOn that We
have entertained for a long time
Reading Herald.
Some one has invented clock that
win run a year with one winding.
Now Invent soinsthfng else that WI
remind as owner eiee yeer dat q
Il time to wind the clock. = Boston
Transcript
The broad ax., 1908-08-22
Brevities
THE HALL OF FAME.

Admiral ana Mrs.. Dewey are spend
ing the sumner at Buena Vista, Pa.
Major Weed Of New Haven, Conn.
aged sixty-seven, has ridden 49,735
miles on & bicycle In the last eight
years.
F. L. Prentiss OF Alstead, n. h
after living In one house for ffty.
seven years has decided that 1t Is tins
to move.
W. Cole Of Groombridge. SUSSEX.
England, has succeeded IN planting
5000 cabbages in three hours and ten
minutes. In the first hour he planted
zoos.
Colonel william c. Greene, the @cop-
per king Of Cananea, Mexico, accom-
panied by his daughter and a party
Of friends, is making a tour Of the
world.
Edward Rogers, a Norridgewock
Cde) man, with other men was cut
ting down a tree when a young crow
few down from the nest, and Rogers,
making flying leap, caught the bird
George Getty Of Franklin, Pa has
been the father of tWenty-eIght chill
dren by two wives, and twenty Of
them survive; also forty-eight grand
children and twenty-five great-grand-
children.
Prince Cen, son Of Prince Ching,
president Of the board OF foreign af-
fairs, and LANG Tun Yen, assistant
secretary to the board OF foreign af-
fairs, have been selected to receive
the American feet OF battleships
when it arrives at Annoy.
Vernon Stiles, the American tenor,
has been engaged for a period Of six
years to sing leading tenor roles at
the Royal Opera In Vienna. After
three years, under the terms Of the
contract, Mr.. Stiles is free to return to
America for Eve months each year to
sing at the Metropolitan Opera House,
New York.
The broad ax., 1908-08-22
eennah eIeanInus.

AMP ftrset sprinkIers have not
proved successful In Berlin
At spitzbeCgen. Bavaria, q woman
AID 10 has fbeeh deft1red a the
onIy support d her Cd 9ee by tie
death OF her daughter. aged ninsty-
nlne.
4 dumb tramp has been arrested IN
Berlin Cor begEng- &c nsfh pnqeo-
graph. gfsitIns private HOUSES only.
where his machine poured out heart
npding thls OF IS owners mister
ines- 49,,
Grind Duke Frederick Of Baden has
accepted the plans for the restoratiep
q tie Old Caste of Hel1elhefg. ne
question Of hhlldIAB ne castle .h9s
been hotIy disguised Cor the .paet half
The broad ax., 1908-08-22
Plays and Players.


DORIS mitchell WIN be Norman Haek-
eds leading lady In ',clafsnatss."
George BrOadhurst has written .
new play, called -An international
Marriage"
A dramatzadon e sDavid COP ber-
ned" may Be prodheed d Paris ne
coming season.
Dallas Wexford e Ito sppesr n I
nsF piece under the shubert manage
"ent called ':Htr Highness RsdiDls
noreF Mack WIN Btar be coulne
son again under the managemept
- william Harris IN the fepeftoEy
nd0ding -Arrah-na-Pogue" and Z
NV comedy.
The broad ax., 1908-08-22
Pith and Point.

A man hates faint praise worse than
be hates abuse.
The little things get together and
cause big troubles.
Every one thinks be gives as much
70 the poor as his means win allow.
A genius is a man who knows how
% DO only one thing ana knows how
to do that well.
A man Is never 50 humble that his
opinion is not worth quoting when
favorable to you.
Boosters are q good deal IKE men.
A rooster never gives notice Of having
found worm until amer be has sWsl-
lowed tt-Atchison Globe.
The broad ax., 1908-08-22
Hardships of the Very Poor.

Little Marion, having few real play
mates, has supplied herself with sew
eral imaginary ones, with whom she
has many surprising experiences. Hel
mother recently overheard her playing
with her large family OF dolls and en-
pertaining a visionary caller.
yes, Mrs. Smif," she said, heaving
a deep sigh, I'VE are poor-terribly
poor. We are so poor that l have 20
spank my babies to keep them warm"
-Woman's Home Companion.
The broad ax., 1908-08-22

II buy all Of Johns Shirts" said the
tall, firm jawed woman, "and don't
allow him to wear loud colors. Show
me some subdued shirts"
Yes, ma'am," FASTENED the witty
clerk. Just step this way. Here are
some subdued shirts for subdued hus-
bands."-Detroit Tribune.
The broad ax., 1908-08-22

- - saIO ~ ne EoIIOSGns sSSs
SEaAaS:
A. =. Tervalon. 1s4 ". S1st StrOsG
Cigar Stare and News Stand
Geo. L Martin, maker Of fine cigars.
and news stand. 342 East S1st St
c H Green, cigars, tobacco and
news stand. z7I8 State St
Ma Nellie Phslps, Cigars, NOdoaa
and News Stand. Isl W. Stat StreSG
I. =. HAlI's OlOF BaRO Ga1
LA1AAsS Oacs. ga ~ -
Mrs. Alma A. Simpson, news agent.
1855 State street.
". 8. Cole, SS4 Thirty-arst street..
cigars, tobacco and AsHB BtaAA
J. R Peters Cigars. Tobaeoo al
News stand, ga n S7th street.
Mrs.. A 4 Baker, Nct3oas - Now
Stand. as, SOtA StOSt
W. p. johnson, Notion store Al
News staAA S7O4 stAtS T.
rurnw WulIa~ AaKiAg PAEBsE
anA News RAn1. Booo AEnsW ava
\ BaSaA d@A toaaeoS, snA os%
1a91. ia BtaAS e
C c MeLain, cigars, tobacco and
ne1s stand s0o6 State street
Ara ,. ". HGalsy ~ W. S1& -
SiHfs, hsaceo and neWS stand
M HashSEins \ HszlSG ear.
tobacco. 81 fsasv oToeSrIs ~ 80
EtaaA - ArasR EyA
n A J6hnson, nsWS StaaA dgan
ana t6ba6so. Ss13 gtats BFSSL
~ hR NH0 %, - -
ssfpA - n -
n slsaesra New O IN GA
81. How Tea. 0RT.NX.
stGsds1d Now conpSay, = y.
ira b,s NsV YEA cAsy. y =
The broad ax., 1908-08-22
The TrouhIa.

Lowe Comerdy-Yes, Starman, the
tragedian, Is hOpelessly mad.
Hi Tragedry-Overstudy?
Lowe Comerdy-NO, his understndy
Ee made a bigger hit in the part than
Starman. - Catholic Standard and
Times.
The broad ax., 1908-08-22

The Parson-Ah, Pat wasting your
money IN there sgaini You ought 70
put by for rainy day.
Pat-Sure, thin, Ord never spend ut
at an, at al. It's laid up Wild rheuma-
tism OF am .When the Weather,s wet
an can't 60 out O. the house.-sketeh-
The broad ax., 1908-08-22

sHow fast do you usually travelr
Il don't pay much attention to that"
answered the m0torist II Get most Of
NV excitement IN watching the rapid
AZ With which pedestrians move cut Of
nv VRay.s-Boston Post
The broad ax., 1908-08-22

IAe Indians Of tie united snt1s
ouo about $4,000. 900.
-. ne osage Indians &c a tribe ara cid
= pe tie rlche people on earn.
~, ~ Ne zSloo0 Indians IeEt a u
S Saited States only eo.ooo ars IN
wooded
The broad ax., 1908-08-22

sEVRSt 4 Eat sltdaEon that new
kodis Is witch III. Pldngit. the bod
specuIator, Is building for himself
gYs8 Il d rat ana yet ke bunt = q
.Piltsbtfs Pc9C
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-13
Oakland Results.

Oakland, March 12.-The Oakland track was fast today though the weather was cloudy. Import proved his calibre by winning the Alvarado handicap in romp Cadichon, the favorite, made a runaway race of the third. Eduardo, an outsider took second from the badly ridden Logis- tilla Summaries:
 First race, six furlongs, selling-Com- bury, 112 (Hayes), to ?, won; Prestige, 1lS (Buxton), 13 to 2 second; Yada, Ill (GilberD, 20 to l, third. Time, 1:14.
 Second race, three and one-half fur longs, purse-Cull Holland, 110 (Hayes), Il to 5, won; Tom Hayward, 104 (kirsch- haum), to l, second; Schmooser, 100 (Scoville), to 1, third. Time, Al 1-5.
 Third race, mile and a quarter, purse Cadichon, 99 (Kirschbaum), Il to 10 won; i; Eduardo, 99 (Buxton), 25 to l, second i; Logistilla, 107 (Heatherton), Il to B. third. Time, 2:05 4-5.
 Fourth race, mile, Alvarado handicap Import, 96 (GilberD, F to 5, won; Fred Bent, 100 (<irschbaum), Il to B. second; i; Grace G., 99 (Heatherton), F to l, third. Time, 40.
 Fifth race mile-Husky, 109 e. Miller), to 5, won; Alcibiades, 107 (BoreD, 50 to 1, second; Buto, 100 (Walsh), 10 to |, third. Time, :42 1-5.
 Sixth race, five and one-half furlongs- Pajaroita, 101 Iycurgus), 8 to 5, won; Ormuz, 93 (Burton), 6 to 1, second; Entre Nous, 100 c. Butler), to 1, third. Time, :06
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-13
ADJUSTMENTS.
"The Blue Moon."

"The Blue Moon," at the Jefferson theatre last night, proved to be a musical comedy along the conventional lines, but nevertheless entertaining, richly staged and set off with series of novelties that were enthusiastically received. James T. Powers, the come dian illustrates the old adage that a comedian Is born, not made. MT. Pow. CTS is funny without any lines to help him and he is probably funny in his sleep. He has personality that is at once unctious and frightened with silly streak that is not pronounced enough to become tiresome. The in- gradients of comedy in him are hap oily compounded and when he was on the stage last night the audience was kept in continuous laughter MT Pow CTS took the part of an English Tommy Atkins and he had lot of bizarre ad- ventures that served him in good stead for the purposes of funmaking. His songs and specialties were typical of his best efforts.
 It matters not what the plot was about. At best, it was the merest thread, but the music was at times catchy, the dances and ensemble work striking and the settings provided for the songs most elaborate. Moon Dear" was one of the prettiest con- ceits offered to Birmingham theatre goers in long time. There were many songs and quite a number of them had
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-13
COM WANDER KEY
 RISES TO EXPLAIN

Washington, March 12.-Commander Key, who was one of the principal wit nesses before the Senate naval commit tee in connection with the investigation into alleged defects in battleships, has given out a supplementary statement which is in effect that he never meant to criticise or did he mention the general board. which is purely advisory and without executive power. In his opinion the board of construction, composed Of the bureau chiefs, was responsible Tor the failure to carry out the recommen- dations of the Walker board relative to distribution of armor belt at the water line The present departmental organi- zation was faulty, he says, in permitting the bureau chiefs and board of con struction to pass upon their own work. He adds that there should be some one over and above the board of supervision of various projects.