The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1908-10-02
Edgerton's
...Farm.
copyright, 1908. by James A. Edgerton
This matter must not be reprinted with.
out special permission.l

copyright. 1908. by James A. Edgerton.
This matter must not be reprinted with
out special perrnission.1
A Character Sketch.
He was red headed and Of course
excitable; but, what may seem. incom-
patible with the foregoing. he was also
mysterious. If he wanted to tell you
the most commonplace thing he would
call you into the next room and COM
municate it in a whisper. He was eter-
nally discovering suspicious circum-
stances, and If anything dreadful hap
pened he would shrug his shoulders in
a way that meant II told you o..
He was an exceedingly knowing man.
You could mention no subject, from
the manufacture of toothpicks to a text
in Scripture, but what he had been
studying about it for twenty years,
and he always had a theory concerning
the matter. His theory might not be
any blood relation to the facts in the
case-it hardly yer was-but this did
en- his enthusiasm.
Finally his ~effervescent temperament
got the better of him, and he publish
ed a book. Nothing ordinary would
satisfy him. so he gave it a title which
would owe every subject, from the
fall of Adam to the discovery Of a
process for making embalmed beef and
from the town Of Podunk, where he
lived in body, to the Milky Way, where
h{o hood ,,c,,o1l- co3o,,v~01 HI nn1IoI
his book 1.-The Universe-Its Origin and
distinguishing small about the title
at any rate.
The work started out by telling how
the universe. began business and
wound up by describing a dead sure
process to make rain. Between times
it kept whacking away at the scien-
lists. In a quite cheerful and offhand
manner it showed how %fallacious are
all present systems of knowledge. The
universe was first pushed out Of moth
ingness by means of a spiral vibra-
tional vortex system, and this was ex-
planned by q number of disQuieting
cuts that seemed intended to give a
man wheels and mix him up in his men,
tai bearings.
But it all hinged on rainmaking.
The old man had a theory of shooting
holes in the armament and working a
dry atmosphere for the drinks, and, as
this theory did not to fit in with
anything in the universe, there was
nothing more natural than that he
should proceed to construct a universe
that it would ft in with. which he &C.
cordingly did.
After the book had made its appear
ance the old man would come in with
a great flourish Of trumpets, Profess
or So-and-so has just given me the
greatest Endorsement" When ques-
toned as to what the professor had
said, well he said If I could estab-
lish my theory / would have a theory
established" And the old mar was as
gleeful over it as a child.
The next thing was to establish the
theory, and here again it hinged on
rainmaking. If he could only make It
rain, the spiral vibrational vortex sys-
tenn would follow as a matter Of
course. But in order to make rain he
had to lombard the heavens, andAin
order to lombard the heavens he had
to have powder and guns, and in Or
der to have powder and guns he had
to have money. There was the rub.
So he went to that last resort Of the
man with q scheme, the legislature.
He had a bill introduced appropriating
$4,000 to help him make it rain.
Then began a process Of buttonhol-
ing members. during which the old
mans feathers perceptibly fell. Final
ly the member who introduced the bill
went back on 1t, and the poor thing
had not a friend left. This ksade the
old man fighting mad. He swore It
was because of political bias and he
would wait for another legislature.
In two years a different political par
ty was in power, and the old man
again went after his appropriation,
but. alas, only to meet the same sad
fate as before.
This broke his heart. He now had
nothing to do but to sit around and
cuss the dumfoolishness of this blind
and perverse generation, in which oc-
cupation he got back some of his old
time enthusiasm.
But he still believed in rainmaking
and in his spiral vibrational vortex
system with wheels in it,, and he still
had an auburn halo and an e~ffervescent
temperament.