davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-06-18
Where the Shoe Pinched.

"If they don't quit making that
child cry" sighed the fiat dweller as
his sobs echoed pitifully through the
court, Il am going to apply to the
board of health and have it stopped.
There's limit to everything" why
the board of health?" asked her friend.
Il should think you would apply to
the Society for the Prevention of
Cruelty to Children" Il am not
thinking so much of him." acknowl-
edged the fiat dweller contritely, "as
am of my own health. His constant
sobbing is getting on my nerves 30
that can't Sleep" --.----
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-06-18
Usinq the TeIenhone.

1t was the first time she had ever
used a telephone and the drug clerk
detected the fact by the nervous way
in which she held the receiver.
Dear me-" she exclaimed, timidly,
"why are all those sievelike holes In
the mouthpiece?"
They are there for a purpose" re-
piled the drug clerk, solemnly.
What purpose?"
"Why, so you can strain your voice"
And she was so embarrassed she
forgot the number she was to call UP.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-06-18
Why He Married Aoain,

An Ohio lawyer tells of client oi
his-a German farmer, a hard-work-
fig, plain, blunt man who lost his wife
not long ago. The lawyer had sought
him out to express his sympathy; but
to his CONSERVATION the Teuton la
conically observed:
But am again married"
"You don't tell mel" exclaimed the
legal light. why it has been but a
week or two since you buried your
wife!"
Dots So my frent but she is az
dead as effer she will be"-Lippin.
colts.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-06-18
Rural Civilization.

If we can solve the problem here of
creating a rural civilization, which will
retain and attract the rural inhabit-
ant and keep him from the congested
city life, we will not only have done
great thing for Ireland, but will
have given something 10 the world for
which it is cropping. There are great.
er games than hunting the fox, and
more excitement and delight to be
found in their pursuit.-Irish Home
stead,
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-06-18
! Peruna Is not a nerVine nor q
I sfimuiant. II benefits the nerves
J by benefifing Digestion.

-
Peruna frees the stomach of ca
tarrhal congestions and normal diges-
tion is the result
In other words, Peruna goes to the
bottom of the whole difficulty, when
the disagreeable symptoms disappear.
Mrs. j. c. Jamison. Wallace, Cal,
writes:
Il was troubled with my stomach
for six years. Was treated by three
doctors. They said that had nervous
dyspepsia. | was put on liquid diet
for three months.
Il improved under the treatment.
but as soon as l stopped taking the
medicine, | got bad again.
81 saw testimonial of man whose
case was similar to mine being cured
by Peruna, so thought l would give IL
trial
Il procured a bottle at once and
commenced taking it. / have taken
several bottles and am entirely cured"
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-06-18
A WILLING Tool,

Since young Jim De Peyster, who
belongs to one of our best families,
lost his money, he has gone into the
social burglary business"
Social burglary"
"Yes; he chaperons rich parvenus."
How is that burglary?"
He helps them to break into 30
ciety with q Jimmy"
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-06-18

khe kidney secretions were badly dis
ordered. l was completely worn out
and discouraged when 1 began using
Doan's Kidney Pills. but they went
right to the cause Of the trouble and
did their work we'll. have been
feeling we'll ever since"
Sold by all dealers. SO cents box.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-06-18

for f1ve months in a
hospital / was dis
charged as incur
able. and given only
six months to live.
My heart was affect
ed. l had smother
ing spells and some
times fell uncon-
scious. l got SO I
couldn't use my
arms. my eyesisht
was impaired and
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-06-18
UNUSUALLY BRILLIANT.

Lady-Your little brother seems t.
be bright for his age, doesn't he?
Little Maggie-Well, l should say
so. Why, he knows the name Of al
most every player In the big leagues.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-06-18
FIVE MONTHS IN HOSPITAL.
Discharged 5ecauoe Doctors Could
Not Cure.

Levi +. Brockway, 8. Second Ave,
Anoka, Mimi, says: After lying
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1908-06-18

H am glad to write my endorse.
n1enf of the great remedy, Peruna. 4
do SO most heartily. "--Juiia MarIowe.
Any remedy that benefits digestion
strengthens the nerves.
The nerve centers require nutrition.
II the digestion is impaired, the nerve
centers become anemic, and nervous
debility is the result.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-09-29
A BibuIous Lord Mayor.

Any one with love Of queer names
should study the names Of past lord
mayors Of London. Besides one or two
that are merely uncommon and did
not belong to men Of any distinction,
such as Sir Richard Spaa, mayor In
1852, there are some that deserve no
ttce also for the sake Of those who bore
them. There was Sir John Brugges in
1920, whose ancestor fought at Agin-
court, when, curiously. enough, the
name had the more modern form Of
Bridges. There was Alderman Mica
jah Perry in 1889, who laid the first
stone of the Mansion House, and Sir
Benjamin Hamet, who was fined 81, 900
in 1897 for refusing to act as mayor
positively a cheap way of getting out
Of it. ~
The most appropriately named lord
mayor seems, however, to have been
the cheerful Sir Robert Viner, who en-.
tertained Charles IL. and drank the
kings health so often as to become I'M
duly merry. The king tactfully sought
to retire, but Viner plucked him by
the sleeve and vowed he should "stay
and take the other bother Charles
H., never at loss, complied, murmur-
Ing, "He that is drunk is as great as a
king."-St. James Gazette.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-09-29
Useless.

There was some speculation as to
whether the instrument would benefit
the old gentleman or not. One was
holding the ear trumpet, while anoth'
er was explaining it's use and showing
old Mr.. Borrows how to hold it to his
ear.
"Say something to him, through it,
joe" said one to the other.
Now, Joe had long waited for an op'
portunity to reach Mr.. Borrows' ear.
So, speaking very distinctly into the
trumpet, he said:
"You've not paid me that sovereign
you owe me yet, Mr.. Borrows."
But the old gentleman put the in
strument down, with disappointment
on his face, and they could see it was
a failure even before he had time to
say:
"That things not bit Of good to
mev'
And he. sighed, but his sigh was not
so deep as that which came from Joe.
London Express.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-09-29
When Hypnotized 'Tramps Meet Death.

Wnen f1yPnotizeo IranpS Mee1 OeaSn.
A No. /, the well known tramp, states
that riding upon the truck beams be-
tween the wheels Of a flying passenger
train or even of a slower going freight
train is exceedingly difficult. The fly
ing cinders deluge the eyes and at
times make breathing almost impossi-
BILE. More than this, he says that IN
less one strictly watches himself one
is in danger Of becoming hypnotized.
The rhythmically pounding wheels jolt
ing over the joints of the rails have a
way Of insistently commanding atten-
ton that is extremely dangerous. This
noise, sharp and repeated with devilish
persistence, can hypnotic the unwary,
he says. Often he has had to use ev-
cry resource Of will power which he
has in order to ward off the effects of
this endless and mind compelling
"click, click, click" He believes that
many a tramp who has fallen to his
death from the trucks has been first
hypnotized in this way. This is per-
fectly sound psychology. and the proba-
bility Of such hypnotism will be in
dorsed by any good specialist in this
science.-Bohemian Magazine.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-09-29
Mr.. THWlNG WAS ADVERTISED.

The recent primaries showed the
value of newspaper advertising in
double sense, both good and bad, as
illustrated by the results of Miller's
and Thwing's campaigns. Mr.. Miller
had the strongest newspaper support
ever given a candidate for congress,
and he rolled up a plurality almost
too big for the canvassers to count.
On the other hand Mr.. Thwing had
the unjust but active opposition of
two strong papers in his district, and
it is largely to them that he owes his
defeat. international Falls Echo.
One of the two papers referred to
as being un JUSTIFY against Mr..
Thwing was the Pioneer; and we
have no regrets whatever for the
part we took against that gentleman.
A certain local manager who
looked after Mr.. Thwing's interests
took it upon himself to 20 after" the
Pioneer incidentally with his sup
port of the gentleman from Itasca,
and in this attitude he received at
least the passive approval of Mr..
Thwing.
The Pioneer approves of a clean
campaign in politics; but there are
instances where you must fight the
devil with fire'-and this was one
of them.
However, the campaign is over,
and we hold no grudge in this
matter.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-09-29
AWedrhy tho Beau.

When Beau Brummel, the celebrated
dandy, was, in consequence of bis
fallen fortunes, residing at Calais, he
had occasion to visit Paris. Through
the kindness of the consul at the for
mer place he was enabled to accom-
pany kings messenger to the capital
and thus travel free Of expense When
the messenger returned, the consul was
curious to know how he and his arts.
tocratic companion had fraternized
upon the road. what kind Of tray
cling companion did you find Mr..
Brummel?' asked he. "Oh, a very
pleasant one, indeed, sir; very pleas
ant" replied the messenger "Ah! And
what did he say?" "say, sir? Moth
ing! He slept the whole way" ''Slept
the whole way! Do you call that be-
ing pleasant? Perhaps he snoredr'
The messenger acknowledged that
Brummel did so, but Immediately, as
If fearful Of casting an improper re-
Election upon so great a parsonage, he
added, with great gravity, "Yet / can
assure you, sir, Mr.. Brummel snored
very much like a gentlemanw-Argo-
naut.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-09-29

Modern Witchcraft.

Says a correspondent Of the London
Chronicles: '"This writer knows Of a
west country English farmer, hard
headed business man, who uses the
latest machinery on his farm, yet holds
the belief in pixies as firmly as any
article of his religious creed. Having
been visited by series of minor mis-
fortunes, he confded to the writer in
the utmost seriousness his fear that he
had offended a pixy by inadvertently
stepping into fairy ring and stated
that he intended going on the morrow
to the white witch at Exeter to get
further misfortune averted. And this
level headed business man took day
from his farm in the busiest time Of
the year and journeyed to Exeter and
back-a matter Of some sixty miles
for this purpose. On his return he was
as one who had cast off a heavy bur-
den. But the white witch's mysteries
no persuasion could induce him to re-
veal"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-09-29
Who Would Want to Be a Lama ?

VINO WOuIo want TO DC Lamar
The lama pilgrims among the Tibet
an Hindoos, as they pursue their noun
tain pilgrimages, literally measure off
the distance with their bodies. The
distinguished traveller Sven Hedin,
writing Of his discoveries in Tibet in
Harpers Magazine, describes them as
lying down full length on the ground,
making mark on the road, rising and
stepping forward to the mark, once
more to fall full length. One such
walking journey as this, says DR..
Hedin, equals thirty ordinary ones.
Among the lamas also are to be found
those who immune themselves in a
dark cave for life, food being passed
in through a passage or hole under
ground. Should the dish be one day
untouched those outside may know
that the sacrificial prisoner has died
seated, since all good lamas must die
seated, in the wooden frame which
was fashioned for him when he was
entombed.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-09-29
Only j Salute.

tone Of our early lawyers had a
murder case to Defend said Mon
tana official, .sand he had hard case.
When it came time to sum up he asked
permission to take a recess for ten
minutes, and during that ten minutes
he went over to the hotel to get an
inspiration. When he came back he
walked out in front of the jury and
said; AS regards to this case, this is
the greatest country on which the sun
ever shone We are the greatest PED.
pie. We. have the greatest destiny.
Why, gentlemen, every time one of the
ships Of our glorious navy sails into
the ports Of the world with the stars
and stripes flying every ship of that
power and every ship of every other
power fires salute from great can
non in her honor, and, gentlemen Of
the jury, If you listen to what the
scoundrelly opposition Of this man has
to say you are about. to incarcerate in
prison or hang by the neck my poor,
unfortunate client simply because he
on one occasion fired one small revolver
shot at a man who unfortunately died
on that asion."-Saturday Evening
Post.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-09-29
Just Like a Lazy Man.

An elderly gentleman, who wou!i
rather sleep late than eat the most at
tractive breakfast, was leisurely wend-
ing his way toward the subway when
he was accosted by a GREATNESS wo-
man.
"Oh, mister, lot Of toughs are beat
ing hurdy gurdy man to death. Can't
you help?"
"Where?'
Fright around the corner. Oh,
please come with me!'
The late sleeper peered through his
gold trimmed glasses at the complain
ant and asked:
us he very big hurdy gurdy man?'
"Oh, no. sir! He's a very small
man."
"Then surely, my good woman, they
can't need any help from me."-New
York Press.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-09-29
The Editor on Carelessness.

EYES," said the editor as he put his
gum brush into the ink bottle and tried
to paste on clipping with his pen,
Eyes, the great fault of-newspaper con-
tributors is carelessness.
Indeed" he continued as he drop
ped the copy he had been writing into
the wastebasket and marked "Edito-
rial" across the corner of a poem emit
tied can Ode to DEATH contributors
are terribly careless.
"You would be surprised" said he
as he clipped out column of fashion
notes and labeled them Farm" Ito
see the slipshod writing that comes
into the editorial sanctum.
"Misspelled, unpunctuated, written
on both sides Of the Sheet illegible, I'm
grammatical stuff. Contributors are
terribly careless. They are'-
Just then the Office boy came in with
that dictatorial and autocratic manner
he has and demanded more copy, and
the editor handed him the love letter
he had just written to his sweetheart
London Globe.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-09-29
Queen CaroIine's Pastime.

Queen Caroline, wife Of King George
Nv. of England, with whom she was
on the worst possible terms, is de-
scribed in "The Diary Of a Lady In
Waiting" written by Lady Charlotte
Bury. The queen seems to have tried
witchcraft on the king. Lady Char
lotte writes on one occasion: AFTER
dinner her royal highness made wax
figure, as usual, and gave it an amia-
bic addition Of large horns, then took
three pins out Of her garments and
stuck them through and through and
put the figure to roast and melt at the
fire. If it was not too melancholy to
have to do with this, l could have
died Of laughing. She INDUCES in this
amusement whenever there are no
strangers at the table, and some think
her royal highness really has super
stitious belief that destroying this eff
figy of her husband will bring to pass
the destruction Of his royal person.
What silly piece of spite! Yet it Is
impossible not to laugh when one sees
it DONE"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-09-29
Mark Twain cAuaht out.


q poet, aspair Of trousers across his
knee, sat in his attic trying to thread
a needle. rs
The proper way" he said, lis to
hold the thread still and push the nee.
die toward it or to hold the needle still
and push the thread toward it. Mark
Twain says both ways are right. Then
he says they are both wrong
Taking down The Prince and the
Pauper," the poet read:
He did as men have always done
and probably always will do to the
end of time-held the needle still and
tried to thrust the thread through the
eye, which is the opposite of wo-
mans way
Then the poet, taking down ."Huckle-
berry Finn read:
Bless you, child, when you set
out to thread a needle don't hold the
thread still and fetch the needle up to
it. Hold the needle still and poke the
thread at it. That's the way wo-
man most always does, but man al
ways does t'other way" ~
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-09-29
A Winnineu Sermon.

A story is going the rounds about
one of the Winnipeg clergy, which he
himself has told with great delight. A
farmer and his wife came to Winnipeg
on visit, and on Sunday their host
requested the farmer friend to go with
him to church.
NO." said he, 81 never 60 to church"
And his wife backed up his assertion.
The visitor was finally persuaded to
go to a local church and was told the
pastor was also an American. After
the service he was introduced to the
pastor, and the following conversation
took place:
"Well, DOCTOR" said the visitor, II
enjoyed your sermon"
81 am very pleased to hear that" re-
piled the pastor.
"You know" explained the farmer,
81 do not go to church very often, but
that sermon of yours was the least
like a sermon l ever heard" -Winni-
peg Telegram.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-09-29
A Violin For a Xane.

One Of the most curious vanes to be
seen on any church in Great Britain
is that at Great Gonerby, parish adj
joining Grantham, in Lincolnshire
It is in the form Of a fiddle and
a bow and is unusually large. Its
history is a curious one. Many years
ago peasant resided in Great Goner-
by who eked out a modest livelihood
by performing on an old violin, which
was almost part Of his life. At last
he decided to emigrate and out in the
far west prospered and became a rich
man. One day he sent to the clergy
man at Great Gonerby a sum sufR-
cient to build a church and attached
to the gift the curious condition that
metal replica Of his old fiddle and
bow should be on the summit Of the
edifice. The gift was accepted, and
the vane may still be seen on the
church.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-09-29
TaIkinu Down.

The superintendent of a Sunday
school class in Philadelphia recently
called upon a visitor to "say a few
words" to the class, the members Of
which are mostly children of tender
age.
The visitor, speaker we'll known
for his verbose and circumlocutory
mode of speech, began his address as
follows:
''This morning, children, purpose
to offer you an epitome Of the life Of
st. Paul. 1t may be perhaps that
there are among you some too young
to grasp the meaning of the word
'epitome.' 'Epitome,'- children, is in
it's signifcation synonymous with sy-
nopsis. "-Philadelphia Ledger.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-09-29
Club Stories,

Two stories are told Of the time
when the Athenaeum club, while it's
clubhouse was undergoing renovation,
was Hospitality taken in by the Unit
ed Service club.
One was of a distinguished officer
who, after vain hunt for his UNI
brella, was heard to mutter, 'That
comes of letting those - bishops into
the club!'
The counterblast is to the effect that
when an Athenaeum man, while his
club was still the guest Of the other,
asked for the librarian, the answer
was, "Please, sir, he is in the dining
room carving the roast beefv'
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-09-29
Persian 2urisIs.

In Persia two sticks a foot long are
placed in the coffin to prop up the
arms of the corpse when it rises from
the grave and is being questioned by
the angel Gabriel. After it has salts
ded the angel that it is the body of
a true Mussulman it will receive
strength to stand alone. A glance from
dog is necessary to drive away the
spirit Of deflement, and for this pur-
pose street cur is brought into the
room of death and its eyes led to the
corpse by tempting bit of bread laid
on the still breast.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-09-29
Explosive Diamonds.

A curious fact about diamonds is
that it is not uncommon for the crys-
tails to explode as soon as they are
brought up from the mine. Sometimes
they have burst in the pockets or the
warm hands Of miners, due to the ef-
feet Of increased temperature. Large
stones are more likely to do this than
small ones. Valuable stones have been
destroyed in this way. To safeguard
them some dealers place large dia-
monds in raw potatoes for safe trans
port from South Africa,
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-09-29
An Exclamation,

Little Dot-Mamma, was playing
with your best tea set while you were
away, and when you bring it out for
company you'll be shocked, cause
you'll think one of the cups has hair
in it, but it isn't a hair. Mamma
What is it? Little Dot-It's only a
crack.-Pick-M e-Up. s = -
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-09-29
RestIessness.

Mere restlessness is not matter for
which physicians are often consulted.
1t: is on the face Of it an unimportant
malady, but when it exists in sufficient
intensity to form the subject Of com.
plant and to induce the sufferer to
seek advice it is usually found to be
the superficial indication Of a grave
underlying condition.-Hospital.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-09-29
Doomsday Book.

The Doomsday Book is a British
institution. 1t is a book Of the gen.
eral survey of England, commenced
in the reign Of William I. (the Con-
queror), about 1880, some say about
1896. 1t was intended to be "regis-
ter to determine the right in the ten
ure Of estates, to discover the extent
Of any mans land, to fix his homage
and to settle the question of the mill
tary aid he was bound to furnish"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-09-29
NonreversibIe,

~Lang-Didn't you tell me that you
made yourself solid with Mrs. Vane
by asking her if she was herself or
her daughter-couldn't tell them apart,
and so on?
Strang-1 did. What about it?
Lang-Why, tried the same gag
with the daughter, and it didn't go
for a cent.-Boston Transcript.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-09-29
ook the Cue.

now" said the teacher, who had
been describing the habits Of bears,
what is the fercest animal in the
polar regions, JohnnyY'
"Why-er-er," stammered Johnny.
"Come. don't you remember? The
pol"-
, "Oh, sure; the polecatv'-Philadel-
phia Press.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-09-29
Took Him at His Word,

Gradgrind Ito his employees)-No-
body but me is to touch that clock.
Nobody is to begin or leave off work
except as it indicates the time. Fore
man-Yes, sir. Gradgrind the next
day)-Why, the day is one-fourth gone
and nobody's at work! What does this
mean? Foreman (meekly)-You forgot
to wind the clock, sir.-London Fun.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-09-29

Missed a ChancA,

"But, Tommy" said his mother, "you
asked for two cakes and I, gave them
to you. Aren't you satisfed?"
mo, l ain't," growled Tommy. you
was so easy I'm kickin' meself now
cause l didn't ask fur ."-Phila-
delphia Press
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-09-29
Amusing.

Hiram Greene-What did your sis
ter say when you told her was going
to make speech in the town hall to-
night? Willie-She didn't say nothin'.
She just laughed till she had hyster-
icsi