davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11
A Matter Of High Politics.

One the wittiest of English peers
is Lord Longford, and he has also
earned the reputation of being one Of
the worst dressed, in spite of the fact
that for 20 years he has been In the
Second Life Guards. The story goes
that friend once met him in ireland
CARRIED in a pair of combinations
which were not on speaking terms
with his boots, and chaffed him mer-
cilessly about the lucid interval" that
occurred between them But Tom
my" as Lord Longford is known to
his intimates, in nowise disconnected,
blandly explained that it was really
matter of high politics you see,
my dear fellow, the breaches are made
by a tailor who is a rampant Orange
man, while the boots are the achieve
ment of Fenian cobbler, so how can
you expect EN- to meet?"
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11
saE NARTInsBugq PEpls

Mrs. Z. b DuyaE has returned from
visit to Heslgesville.
Dir. George Mcdonald has returned
from a visit to Washington.
Mr. Bruce Geyer left for Baltimore
where he viii attend school.
Miss Jessie Dodson. who has been
visiting IN this city has returned 70
Hancock.
MI Charles Zimmerman, Of Balti-
more, Is visiting his brother, Mr. A.
Zimmerman, on Bovd avenue.
Mrs. Charles Rodriek and daughter.
Miss Grace. South Boyd avenue, have
returned rom a visit to Charles
Town.
Mrs. William J. Farrin and daugh-
ing the formers parents, Mr. and
ter, Dorothy who have been visiting
the formers parents, Mr.. and Mrs. j.
s. Larkins, East Liberty street, have
returned to their home in Washington.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11

Gen. Miles used to tell of a surgeon
at certain post during the civil war
who was chaffed great deal for his
flowery and extravagant style of ex-
preston. both written and oral. On
one occasion Ii appears that the col
onel of the regiment had appropriated
the surgeons tent for a mess-table.
without the usual formality OF stat
ing his intentions Whereupon the
surgeon sent complaint to the Of
ficer in command. Among other things
he said: Il have not so much as fly
to interpose between my head, and
the star-decked heavens above me"
This unique document followed the
regular routine and eventually re-
turned to the unfortunate surgeon
with the following endorsement: Col.
Brown will cause fly 10 be inter
posed between the head of the com
plainant and the. star-decked heavens
above him as soon as possible. IL
Illustrated Sunday Magazine.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11
SOME ERRORS OF THE TYPES.
Really Amusing Blunders of Which
Record Has Been Kept.

An author who has scrapbook de
voted to typographical errors was
showing the articles to a friend. One
item concerned dance. The word
BONNER was misprinted, with this
deplorable result: There was no bon
Ter ladies' present than the mayors
own daughters, and this fact was
further emphasized by the perfect
fit of the shepherdess costumes they
wore" A country paper, after telling
how COW got in front of train,
said: "As the safest course, under the
circumstances, the engineer put on
full steam, dashed into the COW and
literally cut it into two calves" A
New York society editor, misprinting
the word Chill published this state
ment: Mrs Astor was unavoidably
absent from the reception, being kept
at home by bad child"
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11
WHEN they ARE NOT WANTED.
Some People Seem to Have Faculty
for Unccnsciousiy Butsing-in.

Have you ever noticed. said the
melancholy man, how It Is Me voca-
ton Of certain people to get in the
way--to be around when they are not
wanteds suppose that If they were
aware OF their calling they would feel
bad about it, But. as matter Of fact,
they never are aware OF 1t, and this.
probably, explains why they keep at
it. Take my brother.n-law, for in
stance He has marvellous faculty for
turning up at inopportune moments. II
we are going to have company to
dinner we can surely count on mes
sage from him asking whether II
would be convenient for his wife and
himself to drop in on us. II / am an
ticipating quiet hour of reading in
the evening it is ten to one that I'll
hear his voice In the hall Just ais
am Fastening to close up my Office in
the afternoon he is apt to come in and
establish himself for a prolonged talk.
Take a hint? Such men never take a
hint. They are so obtnse that they
don't see when their presence turns
company into a crowd They have not
learned the art of effacing themselves
on occasions. and they never Will You
feel sorry for them at first, but sor-
row soon changes to another senti-
ment."
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11
DEPARTMENT STORES PROFIT

Everybody's Magazine has been try
ing to figure ONT what the profts Of
the big department stores are and
how these are made This has result
ed in the following statement on the
subject:
1t is the volume Of business and
not the individual profits Of depart
ments that make the great prosperity
or 4 department store Many owners
Of big stores maintain that the funda-
mental principle Is to reduce the
whole selling machinery to the small
est possible cost and to fix prices 50
that there viii be no actual profit on
the goods. That is to say, these stores
try to sell goods at exactly the price
at which they are billed to them,
plus the cost OF selling. For their
profit they depend upon their discounts
the s, 6 or Z per cent. allowed for
cash payment II they followed the
custom that prevails in practically
every other commercial activity Of
letting accounts run from ten t.
thirty days, they would not make a
profit at the price at which they seil
good.
"The actual figures as TO the volume
Of business OF the big stores are rath-
er Closely guarded and except IN one
instance those here presented are
estimates. They are reasonably near
the truth, however. Marshall Field &
Co. of Chicago. lead the department
stores of the United States. The death
in the head of the FIRM resulted in
the publication Of the total for 1906,
which reached $26.,50o.000, This is
the retail business it should be re-
membered, the wholesale business be-
ing twice as much more, and bringing
lthe total up to about $7OoOo.o0o
"John Wannamaker's Philadelphia
store comes next with volume Of
bushes that approxlmates $4,000
900, while the New York Wanamker
store ranks third In this country with
something like $4,000 600.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11
HAD NO CAUSE TO BE AFRAID.
Very Harmless Tiger Was irish.
mans Companion In Cage.

The manager of wild animal show
was SO unfortunate as to lose BY death
the only lion in his collection. After
trying in vain to replace the loss he
finally secured an Irishman to appear
in his exhibition on all fours in the
lions cage. wrapped in the dead
beasts skin. This plan worked well
enough for WHILE and the public
was fooled. One night, however, it be
came necessary, in the course of one
performance, for the lion to enter the
tigers cage. Pat pleaded strenuously
behind the scenes against being sent
into the other maneater's presence:
but his employer was unyielding, as
suring him repeatedly that the tiger
was harmless. Though well-nigh dead
with fear, Pat, after long and vigorous
persuasion, at last crawled into the
tigers cage. No sooner was he In the
cage than he lost what little courage
ne had left. and lay down, calling in
hoarse, whisper, please don't bite me;
] amt no lion; I'm an Irishman.p The
tiger appeared thoroughly disguised.
and in a moment he growled back.
Shut up, you fool so am I.n-Har-
per's Weekly.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11
CALF ENTERED AN OBJECTION.
Why One Milking Machine Was Never
Put on the Market.


Inventive genfas seldom achieves
success at the FIRST attempt A half
grown boy ia Pennsylvania. who had
devoted his leisure hours for many
months to the making OF d milking
machine of his own devising. at last
completed it to his satisfaction and
resolved to make trial Of It. With
out saying a word to anyone he car
ried his machine down from the attic.
where he had wrought patiently day
after day to bring it to perfection. and
took II ont to the baYnyard where
old Cherry, the family COW, stood
placidly chewing her cud with her big
lusty calf Playing round her. a few
minutes later his mother saw him try
ing to re-enter the house unseen. He
was covered with dirt from head TO
foot and in a state Of decentralization
generally. In hts hand he was car
rying something that looked like the
wreck of a toy battleship For
mercys sake, Jud, she exclaimed
what have You been DOING I've
been trying my milking machine on
the COW, he said. Your milking ma
chinei Good land, Did the COW do
all that TO your mo" answered
Jud odd Cherry would have stood
for 1t all right 1t was the calf that
-er--kind O seemed to object to the
machine Youths Companion
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11
Wild Boar a Hard Fighter.

For sheer deviltry and insane feroc-
ity the boar stands pre-eminent and
for courage I've has no equal among
animals. A wild boar charging has
been known TO bring an elephant down
on its knees, and one well anthem
ticated fight is recorded between a
boar and full grown tiger in which
the boar more than held its own.
Tigers have the greatest respect for
wild boars and treat them according
ly In matter of speed the horse has
not yet been foaled which can catch
man on a thoroughbred Arab try to
cut out boar in breaking back to
cover. and the boar literally walked
around him.-Recreation.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11
An Interpolation.

The old-time revivalist often pos
sessed a gift of gentle satire which
stood him In good stead AT a Maine
camp-meeting long ago a young man
made himself SO obnoxious during a
prayer that the old preacher rounded
off one OF his sentences rather abrupt
Iy Now, Lord" he then continued.
without trace Of irritation, I'VE pray
that Thou wilt in the mightiness OF
Thy power take that young man in the
fourth seat and make his heart as free
from sin as his head is from sense -
Youths Companion
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11
Keen the Children aappy.

Keep them happy by Keeping them
we'll Nip in the bud the little dis
orders-the worrisome ills that make
them peeyish and cross--and you have
the secret Of a healthy youngster.
A tonic such as Frey's Vermifuge,
given occasionally, prevents many an
aiIment that might lead to ~erious
illness. This medicine has been most
favorably known for ever sixty years
and marvellous cures by its use are on
record.
Your druggist should have 1t in
stock. If. however. yol have any diff
Guilty in obtaining it. the makers, f..
& S. Frey. OF Baltimore, Md. will
send bottle on receipt Of price--25
cents
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11
EMINENT AUTHORITY
SAYS MANY PERSONS HERE CAN
&c MADE HAPPY AGAIN.
Tells How Any One Can Prepare Sim.
ple Homemade Mixture said to
Overcome rheumatism.

There Is SO much rheumatism here
I'll cur ne'ghborhod now thar the fol-
lowing advice hy an eminent author
lty. who writes fer readers ii large
eastern daily paper viii Be highly
appreciated By those who suffer-
Get from any good pharmacy one
half ounce Fluid Ex,act nandelion
one ounce Compound Kargon. three
unces Of Compound Syrup sarsapa.
rilla Shake these well In bottle
aud take in teaspeonf.A doses after
each meal and at bedtime also drink
plenty az good water
1t Is claimed that there are few vic
tins OF this dread and torturnus ais.
ease who will fail 70 find ready re-
lief In this simple homemade mix.
tire, and IN most cases d permanent
cure is the result.
This simple recipe Is said e
strengthen and cleanse the elimiua-
tive tissues Of the kidneys 50 that
they can filter and strain from the
blood and system the polsons, acids
and waste matter. which cause not
only Rheumatism but numerous other
diseases Every man or woman here
who feels that their kidneys are not
healthy and active, or who suffers
from any urinary trouble whatever,
should not hesitate TO make NJ this
mixture. as il is certain 70 DO much
good and may save You from m1Ieh
misery and suffering after while.
Our home druggists say they will
either supply the ingredients or mix
the prescription ready e take II our
readers ask them, 5
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11
CALLS FOR IMMEDIATE ACTION.
Chronic Bachelor Makes a Few Re.
marks About the Modern Hatpn.

There ought to be law against
women carrying uneoncealed weap-
ons,H growled the chronic bachelor
at the club, THAT | haven't been
stabbed to death or manned for life
before this is due to combination
of agility and good luck, I'm con.
WINGED. | tell you. il keeps a man
busy lodging nowadays TO avoid blood
letting when he's travelling in crowd
ed conveyance with women or even
walking on a crowded thoroughfare.
A woman is positively menace to life
the moment she gets outdoors" why
outdoors especially ~ "Hatpins! Hat.
pins, Foot and half long, some Of
EN-. They stick out from both sides
of hat like spears Every time a
woman turns her head these wicked
looking spears sweep around In a
two-foot radius and every time she
hobs her head up and down she takes
chance of raking the nearest person
fore and aft. Suppress the woman or
the hatpin. ! say Let's make it the
hatpin-' suggested the married man,
gently.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11

"Oh, George dear, our wedding
must be postponed" NO, darling,
no. II must not be-" But II must,
George, dear. Father has lost all his
money in the market" you are right,
dear. You are right. The wedding
must be postponed. never thought
ii Of you Mabel never thought that
you would have such careless ia
Their detroit Free Press.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11
The Reason.

There goes man who doesn't get
credit at any business establishment
in town" Who? Old Mr.. Worthy?
Why. thought he was one OF the
most reliable men In the city. Why
doesn't lac get credit?" Because be
always pays cash"
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11
Setting Himself Right.

Here is the man, your honor, who
was caught stealing the hog" Caught
in the act?" Yes. sir" ledge"
said the prisoner, dat man is lynn to
you. II WIZ In de fence corner whar
he kOtched msi"--Atlanta ConstitH-
zion
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11
punn-Thomnson.

On January ?, at Fairfield " Rev
f. w. stonehraker Robert W. Dunn
was united IN marriage to Ella ~
Thompson both Of Darkesyille Get
tysburg Star and Sentinel.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11
W. M. ROBINSON.

The object OF the above suit IS TO
enforce the lien of plaintiffs attach
ment against defendants real estate
described In the bill By a sale thereof
and It appearing on AFFIDAVIT filed u
this suit, that the defendant W NJ,
Robinson Is nonresident Of this
state he Is hereby required 20 appear
at the said clerks Office. within one
month from the II day Of Jan 1908
tthe date Of the first publication here
Of TO protect his interests IN this mat
ter
J.. Dew. GERHARDT. Clerk.
W. II. THOMAS, Attorney for Plain
tiff. 1ll-it
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11

Blobbs "Saphedde boasts that he
always takes advantage OF his oppor-
tunities." Slobbs Yes; especially
opportunities to do the wrong thing"
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11
a stray shoat.

found a stray shcat on my farm
near the Buxton brick yard, recently
and owner can have same BY proving
property and paving cost Of adyer.
tisement
lat ARTHUR WILSON.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11
A Reliable
Remedy
Els Cream Balm
is quickis absorbed.
Gives Reglei al Onca.

il tleanscs, Soofbes.
heals and protects
the diseased mem-
hrane resulting from
tia.ayrh aud drives
away Il Cold III the
Head quie KY. Re
stores the Senses Of
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11
ORDER or PUBLICATION

The State OF West Virginia
AT rules held IN the clerks Office Of
the Circuit court OF Berkeley County,
the 9th day of January. 1903.
LEE LINGAMFELTER
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11

Long into the night the screechs
snow shovel could be heard.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11

TO the man who llhes 1t that way a
weltdone beef steak may be q rare
treat.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11

The music of the, bands help Il
keep the New Years cheer.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11
SNAP SHOTS.

Music has its charm some more
than Others.
The pavements are in better walk
able condition today.
Long into the night the screechy
snow shovel could be heard.
The music Of the, bands help TO
keep the New Years cheer.
Tueday was the worst of the win
ter 1t was an awful day.
Comrey's band is an all right band.
And Comreys Band Fair is an all
right Fair
While there is much sickness in
Martinsburg, there is no epidemic of
disease.
James Clarke Rankin, editor and at
torney, died at his home in MERGERS
burg, Pa, aged 40 years.
If your husband has survived the
shock of the Christmas bills, don't fail
to attend the January sales of left
overs.
The condition of Mccoy who was
shot in quarrel on election day in
Gassaway is reported serious and
with little hope eof recovery.
1t is reported today that at least halt
of the members of the Maryland legis-
lature are down with the grippe, and
for this reason failed to answer the
roll call.
During the storm of Tuesday a part
of the large steeple of Trinity Reform
ed church, Waynesboro, Pa, was
blown to the ground.
At Webster Springs snow fell to a
depth of two feet, delaying traffic and
making the country roads impossible.
Two engines were required to get one
COACH over the mountains.
II is sometimes more reassuring to
be well heeled than merely to stand
on ones dignity.
"The fellow who tell a girl she is
a dream observes the Cynical Bach
elor, twill sooner or later wake mp"
Wigg-"That bleacned blonde says
her hair weighs on her mind Wagg
That shouldn't bother her. It's
light enough"
Subscribe for The Herald.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11

The pavements are in better walk
able condition today.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11

tasIs NI1I SMITH. Ut Size Oh cts, NJ TlF0g-
gists or yruall. Ia liquid form, rs cents.
Ely Brothers, So Warren Street, New York.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11

Music has its charm-some more
than others.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11

Hand in glove with each other-pu-
gilists.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11

Subscribe for The Herald.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11

Tueday was the worst of the win
ter. 1t was an awful day.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11

Comrey's band is an all right band.
And Comrey's Band Fair is an all
right Fair.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11

If your husband has survived the
shock of the Christmas bills, don't fail
TO attend the January sales of left
overs
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11

The condition of Mccoy who was
shot in quarrel on election day in
Gassaway is reported serious, and
with little hope eof recovery.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11

James Clarke Rankin, editor and at
torney, died at his home in MERGERS
burg, Pa, aged 40 years.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11

Wigg-"That bleacned blonde says
her hair weighs on her mind" Wagg
That shouldn't bother her. It's
light enough
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11

While there is much sickness in
Martinsburg, there is no epidemic Of
disease.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1908-01-11

During the storm of Tuesday a part
of the large steeple of Trinity Reform
ed church, Waynesboro, Pa, was
blown TO the ground.
The morning journal-courier., 1908-12-09
AT POLI'S.

"1he Bathing Girls" make head liner al Polls theater which Is hard to boat. They are stunning crew and wear stunning costumes Their sing ing is of the taking kind and their en- tertainment from start to finish Is superb. Howard and North were very entertaining in Back to Wellington The Village Choir in 'rhe Angelus' 's worth more than the price of admls- sion.
 Fred St Ange and company, musical wheelmen. give a very novel enter tainment. and Martini; and Maxmillian are very skillful and do some clever work as burlcsque ilusionists. Ed, Gray Is funny, the "Toll Tale Letter. and Is one of the good things on the bill, and this Is up to the standard,
 The performing bears, monkeys and dogs were very amusing to the chll- dren particularly.
 The electrograph as usual Is good
The morning journal-courier., 1908-12-09
<cIl GlIropSs.

"The Country Fair" Whats in a name asks some one Ask hm or her if he ever heard of "A Country Fair. If he Is a New Englander then t means something 10 him and If not well ev- eryone Is bound to miss something or other In thls short life, But Neil Bur gess" and "The County Fair stand for n play that is dear to every New Eng land heart That dear old spinstcr, whose heart is as big as the apron she wears and whose deliclously old fash toned red curls could he worn by none other so gracefully, lt is she who has eLdeared "The County Fair" 10 several generations,
 The Grand Opera house Is now the scene of "rhc County Fair and with this afternoon and evening perform ances Neil Burgess annual visit to New Haven will have come to an end.
The morning journal-courier., 1908-12-09
AT THE GRAND.
The Ra.s in King Casey"

In King casey" which opens at the Grand Opera house, Thursday for three days engagement, Johnny Barry appears as real king, not one of any pretentious sovereignty, but of the mythical Island of I.alla Pa zaza Ray is a real. fine old Irish king, whose principal object seems to he tho mak- ing of fun for his subjects, and in this he bountlfully succeeds as those who have ever seen this mirthful connection from the pen of Aaron Hoffman, can testify. King Casey" Is In It's second season but the nature of it's plot allows of the introduction Of new comedy
 lines and situations, SO that only tho framework of last years edition re- mains
The morning journal-courier., 1908-12-09

time the outlook favors the nomination of Postmaster Fred Gaylord of Ansonia rather than the nomination of Town Clerk Fred Whitaker Tn the recent state campaign Mir Whitaker was for Lake and Mir Gaylord was strong Jilley man As Mr Islllev's home town is Waterbury in this county he will undoubtedly he influential ln the Gaylord support The fact of MT Gay lords strength in the shrievalty mat. ter Is urged as another reason why MT Whitaker should run for mayor
 Another interesting political matter is tho talk of who will he tho next re- publican nnmin 70 for judge If probate During tho last campaign friends of Judge Studley stated that if he was elected he would not run again. John L. Glls6u, the present clerk of the court Is being urged to try for the nom. ination Mr. Gilson can he easily num- hered among the most popular of the younger lawyers of the city Some doubt is expressed whether the organ izaton would stand hack of him as a hody but tt ia believed if he goes out
 for the nomination he will certainly find substantial support. He Is one of the strongest of yote-getters. on the