The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1908-01-03
Ganderbone's January Forecast

Ganderbone's January Forecast
Copyright 1907 by G. H. Rieth)
"What are the bugles blowin' for?7
Said Bach'lor on parade;
''It's New Year Day. it's Now Year
Day."
The Woman Halter said.
"What makes you look so white, so
white?"
Said Bachelor on parade;
"l'm dreading what we've got to
face"
The Woman Halter said.
"For Leap Year is upon US,
And the girls will use wire,
They'll hook us like poodle
When the licenses expire,
An they'll dump us in the wagon
An we're off to find squire,
For they're laying for the bachelor
In the mornin'.''
The big bet for this month will be
Taft. The Atlantic fleet will ap-
proach the Horn with a bent spy-
glass, looking around for Japs. 60,
He'll" whispered in Uncle Joe Can
mons ear, will be the password to
anything before Congress. Japan
will have slack month at the Maya
saki navy yards, and will build only
twenty-seven more warships. The
guess on Roosevelt's future for this
month will be that he will become a
Congressman after he leaves the
White House, and will go into the
ring with Williams and DeArmond.
Mr.. Bryan will walk around the
Democratic nomination with ham
mer, to see if there is any place where
he could nail it down. Money will
continue shy, rising out of range and
flying eight miles. Mr.. Lawson will
put his mask on and go back into the
game, jobs will continue to run when
they see you coming, and sometime
during the month Mr.. Morgan will
decide whether he has all the money
he wants now, or if he will continue
the panic.
After the goth we shall be under
the influence of Aquarius the water
carrier, the eleventh sign of the
Zodiac. Under this favorable sign
Prohibition will establish about
eighty more storm centers, booze will
run another mile in nothing south ol
the Mason & Dixon line, and Carrie
Nation will work with Ratchet ir
each hand. To quote an Omar O:
the Oklahoma desert,
Hush little bar-room,
Don't you cry
You'll be drug store
| By and by.
| January was named after Janu
| Bifrons, known as 1.-TWO. Face(
Janus" He was the originator o
what is known as ''the politician
life-saver. A wave of Prohibitio,
was sweeping Rome, and Bifrons,
candidate for the Senate, had to de
clare himself one way or the other t.
every third man he met. But he wa
a foxy Dago, and when he was asked
''Do you drink, Bifrons?" he woult
slyly ask in return, us this an in
vitation, or do you just want t.
know?"
| Rome had a gate named for Janus
It led from the Palatine to the Quiri
nal Hill, and was closed only whel
Rome was at peace with the world
| This occurred but four times-unde
Numa, Augustus Caesar and Yes
patian, and after the first Punic Wa
Julius Caesar Kept the gate ope
wider than anybody. Just to satisf
himself that no other Roman ha
, ever had anything on him in this re
spect, he once drove twenty loads {
hay through the gate abreast, a
against record of fourteen load
Caesar was great joker, and hi
favorite pun was made at this gat'
Riding through when the sun wa
setting, he pointed at the sunset wit
one hand and at the passing railroa
construction crew with the other, an
exclaimed to his lieutenants, "Be
hold, the day goss!'
Another year (mark we'll the rhvme
Has joined the Host of Father Tim,
A few more solid banks will burst