The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1908-12-06

1t was an awfully old joke, but the
American thought it might cause his
English friend to generate smile.
"Just before | sailed for Liverpool, -
said the American, 81 dreamed that l
was dead, and the heat woke me up. -
"So?'' rejoined the Englishman, seri-
ousiy. "The weather must be beastly
hot in America
Rube Waddell, the baseball star, at
banquet in his honor in ST. Louis, said
of pitching: 1.-The secret of winning
pitching is trickery. l once knew
Nicetown drummer named Horton who
would have made fine pitcher. found
Horton one day writing in red book.
A daryl said j. L didn't know
you kept a diarv. Horton 1T is only
fake one he replied. Il make out in
it that l lead the life of a saint. Then
l leave it lying around for my wife to
read. -
Uncle Wash, an aged colored man who
is given to seeing visions, was recently
RECALLING d group of brethren and sisters
in the church with a dream of heaven
that he had had the night before. As
he was graphically describing its gold
paved streets, its gates of pearl, and the
hosts of white-robed, fair-haired angels
playing upon jeweled harps, an old
woman interrupted with the query:
See any niggahs dahl" "Huh," he
snorted Indignantly, docs you 'spose l
went round to de kitehens''
Mrs. Nicholas Longworth, at dinner
in Cincinnati, told quaint story about
a precoeious boy. ''They are very pre-
cocious, indeed,'' she said, those little
chaps from Elton or Rugby, with their
round, sober faces and their quiet air.
A very pretty American girl was talk
ing one evening IN London to one of
these urchins. And have you got a
sweetheart yet, Tommy2' she said, play
fully. No, said Tommy, still, IN
game enough for bit of spooning, If
that s what you re after. -
John D. Rockefeller, conversing
amiably with reporter, drove home a
remark on ineffieiency with a golf story.
'.There was man, he said, "who had
no success at golf at all. The more he
played, it seemed, the poorer he became.
One day his work was particularly bad.
Dear, dear, he said to his caddy, as he
looked ruefully at deep hole in the
turf that he had just made with his
iron; dear, dear, there can't be worse
PLAYERS than myself. well, said the
caddv, refectively, maybe there s
worse players, but they don't play. -
George w. Coleman, sociologist, dis
cussed, during the recent sociological
conference at Sycamore Beach, tips and
tipping. 81 have a friend, - Mr.. Cole
man said. "who belongs to an anti-tip-
ping association. My friend, in obey
ing the rules of his society has many
quaint experiences. He went travelling
in the West in the spring. He dined
one night in fashionable Western res
taurant, and after paying his bill he
gathered up the change that had been
brought upon a silver plate and dropped
it into his waistcoat pocket. As he rose
to depart the waiter said in low, APP
pealing voice: Surely, you won't for
get me, sir?' No, no, said my friend;
III write to you.
James T. Powers tells of musical
comedy fighting its way through bad
| business on tour during the financial
crisis last fall. Things were so bad that
the company, said Mr.. Powers, left each
town without paying the company S
| hotel bill, and from each town took with
| them the landlord-induced to follow
| the company s fortunes in the hope that
prosperity would bring payment of the
money due To make matters as pleas
| bo al q
| landlords in the chorus, but one day, at
the end of a month or two, when he dis
| covered that they were all basses, he
sent a telegram to his advance manager:
Please arrange for us to stop at a
| tenor hotel next town.
An erratic Memphis editor was a
| great admirer of John Sharp Williams
| though he had never seen him. This edi'
tor, in blind faith, printed column after
column in praise of the gentleman
from Yazoo.' There was not an edition
| that didn't have something exalting
| Williams, and one day "JOhn Sharp,
| on his way home from Washington
dropped off at Memphis to get some
| thing to eat In the railroad restaurant,
| 1t was early in the morning, and the
| editor was eating at the same place
after a night of work. The proprietor
called the congressman s attention to
he editor ''John,'' said the restaur-
ant manager, "'that fellow over there
has been saying some pretty nice things
| about YOU. - "I'd like 10 meet him,
| said Williams. So the editor was
| brought over and introduced. He rubbed
! his hands across his face YEARLY several
/ times, and said: "Williamsl Williams
W-hat2 the congressman" ayes, -
modestly assepted that gentleman, g the
same. - ''You re not John Sharp Will
| liams2'' "There' S no question about
! my IDENTIFY broke in the somewhat
exasperated Williams, rather testify.
''Well, all l can say isl muttered the
editor. as he shook hands with the
statesman, "you re a damsight brighter
than you look.
At recent dinner a Washington lady
happened to be taken in by Thomas
Nelson Page, and remarked to him effu-