davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-30
New Industry.

"Who IL that striking looking man
near the head of the table?" asked one
of the guests.
That's Mr.. Jypes," answered the 9th
er. He's blood boiler"
what! A workman at the stock
yards?'
''No, no; don't you understand? He
writes these shocking stories of corpora
ton cruelty to children and ignorant en-
ployes that you read in the Magazines. y
Chicago Tribune.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-30
Ships that VIII Not Turn Turtle.

How to prevent ships from turning
turtle" as the result Of a blow either
by ram, torpedo, shot or collision per-
forating the under water part of her
hull has for ten years past closely en-
gagged the attention of General q. E.
Goulaeff, a member Of the Institute Of
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-30
More Trouble.

81 wish my husband had sent me a
postoffice order instead of this check"
said Mrs. Iapsling, as she looked at the
little slip of paper that had dropped out
of the letter. Il suppose, now, I'll have
to take it 10 the bank and repudiate it
in order to get the money"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-30

Al the funeral of a railway conductor
In London the other day floral piece that
represented a punched railway ticket was
among the tokens of friendship.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-30

Stranger Tin Drearyhurst) there a
place here where can get a square
meal?
Uncle Welby Gosh-Yes, sir; there's
restur'nt round the cawner where you
can git the best meal this side o Chicago
if you don't mind its bein' a leetle eXpen-
sive. They'll sock you fur 80 cents, but,
by gum! it's with it !-Chicago Tribune.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-30
Hcr ThougbtfuI hubby.

"My husband always kisses me good-by
when he goes away, even if he isn't go
ing to be gone more than half an hour"
''Your husband is in business, is he?"
Eyes; he sails airships."
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-30

paralyzed me and
affected my kid
neys. My back hurt
me terribly, and the
urine was badly
disordered. Doc
tors said my right
kidney was prac-
tically dead. They
said l could never
walk again. 1 read
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-30
Prob,bIv from Boston.

"But, surely protested the lately de-
parted girl, you're not going to take me
to the-er-infernal regiOns?"
"Only for a few seconds" replied the
attendant spirit. eve must thaw you
out a little. Catholic Standard and
Times
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-30

New South Wales had 100000 sheep
in 1905, an increase of 100000 over
1901
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-30

You won't tell your family doctor
the whole story about your private
illness you are too modest. You
need not be afraid to tell Mrs. Pink
ham, at Lynn, Mass, the things you
could not explain to the doctor. Your
letter will be held in the strictest con-
f1dence. From her vast correspond
ence with sick women during the
past thirty years she may have
gained the very knowledge that will
help your case. Such letters as the fol.
lowing, from grateful women, es-
tabliSh beyond q doubt the power of
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-30
In e Pinch. Use Aliens Foot-Eane.

In e Pinch, Use Aliens FOOt-Ease.
powder to shake into your Shoes 1t rests
the feet. Cures Corns, Bunions, Swollen,
Sore, Hot, Callous, Aching, Sweating feet
and Ingrowing Nails Aliens Foot-Ease
makes new or tight shoes easy. Sold by all
Druggists and Shoe Stores, 25c. Sample
mailed FREE. Address Allen s. Olmsted.
LIE Row n Y
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-30
Luxury.

Mrs. WinsIoyy's SOOTHING SYRUP for Children
keething; sOftens the gums reduces Inflammation al
lays pain. cures wind collie. Is cents bottle.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-30

The average elevator in a large Office
building travels about 20 miles an hour.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-30

Pettit's Eye SaIve for Over 100 Years
has cen used for congested and infamed
eyes, removes film or scum over the eyes.
All druggists or Howard Bros, Buffalo,
N Y
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-30
ONE KIDNEY GONE.

But Cured After Doctors Said There
Was No Hope.
Sylvanus o. Verrill, Milford, Me-,
saws: Give wears ago bad injury
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-30

Every man mistakes merited punish
ment for persecution.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

fhOF. ~. ~. BhOCk. N. d.
Strange, Wonderful. but True are
the awe stricken tests given by The
Great Australian Medium.
PROF. ID. ID. BRUCE, N. ID.
the only Living Apostle Of Science
of the Mysteries.
$4,000 In Gold to any one in the
World TO compete with him. Pos
sessfng more power than any four
MEDIUMS combined.
No card. trance or hand humbuR
Greatest Hindoe Medium I'm the
World
so GREAT IS HIS POWER that
ne can tell yeu while In q ClHirvey-
ant state, all you wish to know with
cut a word being spoken Come,
all ye unbelievc-s, scofrers AMI jeer-
crs; bring all your skepticism with
you-be will open your eyes to the
private chamber mystery. Come all
ye broken hearted wives. all with
lew spirits and let hin lift the bur
den from your aching ana Jealous
heart. He challenges the World Co
compete with him IN causing q speed
y marriage with tAs one you love:
uniting the ssparassa and bring
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

back the lost one. Traces lost M
stolen goods. Unearths hidden
treasures. Removes evil innuencs.
Crosses. Spells, Ill Luck, cures tricks
and COMPUTATIONS. gives Luck ann
Success in all you undertake. Cure1
the Tobacco and Liquor Habits. Az
lows the Captive to be set Free.
He is the only one that win givs
Written Guarantee to complets
your BUSH ess or refund your money
Are you sick2 Do you know what
the trouble is with you? Come and
Consult Natures Doctor.
Rheumatism, Insomnia. Hvster4a
and all Diseases cured. Points Civ
en- ON Horse Racing and all Game,
OF Chance.
NO matter what ails you, coma
anu see this wonderful man. Read
er nave you noticed that some peo-
pie nave hard time to get along.
no matter how they toll, while oth-
ers nave success. Many wealth.
men and women owe their success u
this wonderful man.
he viii tell you whom you VIII
marry. W4ll you be happy9 Ha
VIII tell you who your frieads ana
enemies are. Can you telif DOM
take leaD~in DARK, but DO xd-
Used by this wonderful man. Grest-
est Prophet in existence.
he always Succeeds when others
fail- This is tho chance OF n life
uae. Don't let II pass you.
Once hours: A. M. to $3.50 p. II
Sunday: 1880 to 1880 p. M.
N. B.-Our consultation Fee fs
80 cents. SittinSs, s1oe. All lea
tiers Containing s1.oe ~sn he answa-
Ell In fun.
MAIN OFFICE,
$40 8. sth St., Philadelphia. pn,
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19
SNAPSHOTS.

An ounce Of cure is worth a pound
OF prescriptions.
All the world isn't a stage. Some OF
II is a work bench.
Do not take the consequences unless
you are entitled to them.
Do not keep your mouth open when
the microbes are swarming.
The kitchen is about the last place
on earth a girl goes TO kill time.
Some people point the finger Of
scorn just TO show of their rings.
1t is best TO practice what you
preach. unless you need the money.
Isn't it remarkable how little the
man who lives ON Easy street stays at
home?
Percy Noodles says his credit is
good anywhere In town except in
places where he isn't known and is
known.
If you haven't yet taken your political
pen in hand 10 drop few lines to the
public you may not have another good
chance this year. But this is not a bid
for your product-Dallas News.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

Some women are so slow that 1t
takes them about 40 years to reach
the age OF 25.
It's strange how many people are
ready to come To our assistance when
We don't need them.
Diplomacy is sometimes merely the
art Of seeming to be interested in
other peoples troubles.
A man can afford to be perfectly
frank If he doesn't care whether he
has any friends or not
Many man with one foot liz the
grave does enough kicking with the
other one TO make up for IL.
II our good intentions we're all rea-
lied the devil would have TO open
bids for new paving contract.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19
q WORTH KNOWING.

A million tons Of rock "a cubic feet
TO toni. would make a cube with
sides 24l feet long.
The annual coal production OF the
United States. 35O.S21 900 tons. equals
cube IA yards on the sides.
The Manchester canal excavations
54,OOO.Oe0 cubic yards, would make a
wall one yard square and 3O.6ss miles
long
A cube Of million building bricks
would have sides 40 feet long. allow.
Ing l6 bricks to the cubic foot laid
without mortar.
With an average OF three square
feet for each person to stand on the
population of the United Kingdom. AZ.
100000, could be accommodated on
4.S2 square miles. equal to a square
or z.15 by 2.15 miles. In a line they
would stretch 12.2sO miles.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19
EYES EPIoRAMs.

Cold cash makes cutters OF us all.
She that fishes for love is liable to
cateh-any old thing.
Few Of us believe IN luck unless we
happen TO De unlucky.
Makes no difference whose name is
on the safe; its the man who holds
the combination.
Many prohibitionists and others re-
fuse to move up in order that the car
may not get full
Father Time frightens us away from
the future by the sign: No Admit
lance" on the door.
Lots OF us don't cast our bread on
the water until il is too stale TO do
anything else with.
The efforts OF women TO make them
selves beautiful are vain attempts,
even when successful
We entreat the gods TO give us the
desires OF our hearts. then. when they
are realized. we dispose Of our obliga-
lions with a hasty much 'blged"
The city boarder hath his suspicious.
after observing the methods Of the
country landlord. that the original
gold-brick factory was located in the
suburbs
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

A good laundress washes the shirt
first.
A book that is shut makes no
scholar
He who never ventures will never
cross the sea.
TO SAVE TiME. SPEND 1T WELL.
The only way to save time is to
spend IL well.
Perseverance on occasion develops
into perversity.
The first requisite for a good hus-
band is a good wife
The sting of defeat outlasts the
sweetness OF victory
Speak your mind if you must. but
mind how you speak.
II a woman loves a man she does
not hold him up 20 ridicule
All the world loves a lover. because
the world likes being amused.
Confidence is a good thing to have.
but accurate knowledge beats it.
1t is hard 10 keep up appearances
and save up money simultaneously.
The man who is always right is,
perhaps, the most exasperating thing
on earth.
Jealousy viii not listen to reason.
because IT does not believe there is
such thing
A girl believes so much fellow
tells her during courtship that her
capability for believing is apt to be
used up after marriage.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19
PERT PARAGRAPHS.

The man who knows how to manage
q woman doesn't.
Whatever else you do when you
start out to criucise your friend. talk
about something else.
When lawyers arc minding their
own business they are prying into
somebody else's.
When a mans wife tells him what
she thinks OF him she doesn't do any
thing OF the sort.
Some people envy the man who pays
his bills promptly, and some consider
him foolish.
It would save much guessing and
straining II the psychological moment
would always wear its label.
He is an undeserving wretch who
lodges what is coming TO him and
keeps roaring for his dues.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19
SATURDAY. SEPTEMBER 10. 'os.
SENTENCE SERMONS.

SENTENCE SERMONS.
Only those who love really know.
No perfection apart from pruning
Definitions cannot go beyond expe-
rience.
The love that springs from heaven
sweeps men back there.
The keenest. condemnation of impur-
fly is the silent pure life.
The open mind is the only one that
can stay in the open way.
The best fitting for divine work is
faithfulness in daily work.
The lights of the world do not in
vite the world TO watch their smoke.
No man ever died Of poison by bury
ing the gall Of malice in his own
breast
Spiritual wealth may often depend
on willingness TO experience material
poverty.
The potato cannot understand why
roses are popular. since they cannot
be eaten.
People who relish mud are apt 70
talk about the needs OF realistic stud
ies In morals
Painting people with depravity
seems TO be poor way to produce
desires for purity.
The gloomiest hearts on earth are
those that have never earned any
glow OF gratitude
Goodness cannot become habituai
unless we will Doe better than we alb
solutely need to be.
He becomes a drag rather than a
leader who makes his appeal to the
prejudices Of the people.-Chicago
Tribune.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19
PHILOSOPHERS NOTEBOOK.

The man who meets trouble half
way has a pretty poor companion for
the rest OF the journey.
GO in for all you are worth" is bad
advice 10 give to a young man who is
playing with the stock market
Virtue may be its own reward. but IL
is not regarded as good collateral IN
der the prevailing banking system.
Foresight IS a very valuable trait TO
possess. but when winter comes II is
not 10 be compared with anthracite
Millions are the green trading
stamps which attract bankrupt noble
men into investments In the American
matrimonial market
It is a singular fact that the chap
who is all the time blowing his own
horn very seldom hears an echo from
it-Success Magazine.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

How TO chop a notch in a log four
or FIVE inches under water without
getting most Of the water up your
sleeves or I'm your face.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19
QUAKER NEGOTIATIONS.

Even the grass widow has her hey
dey.
An appropriate dance for an automo-
bile ball would be a breakdown.
About the easiest thing in the world
for some people to make is a break.
Even when a man prefers a dark
cigar he wants IL light at one end.
The man who is making history is
merely encouraging the book agents
One speech will often make a states
man, but the statesman must first
make the speech.
Mrs. Muggins-'Tts the strangest
thing. Ny cat likes beer" Mrs. Bug
Maybe it's a maltese"
II II were possible for US to have
everything We wish for we should
probably begin to wish all over again.
Borrowell-"1Iy right hand itches.
That's sign I am going to get money,
isn't it?" WigWag-"Not from me"
silence is golden" quoted the Wise
Guy. ooh. I don't know" said the Sim
pie Mug. Sometimes IL IS merely
guilt philadelphia Record.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19
BY THE GENTLE cYNIc.

When the Office seeks the man, the
man is usually a pretty good dodger
Just because a man Is cornered does
MT necessarily prove that he is square.
The man who is as good as his
wife thinks he ought to be is ripe
for heaven.
The fellow who claims that he never
has q show may never have the price
OF admission.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

How TO tell fox track from a dogs
track when there are about a thou
sand dogs 10 one fox In this part OF
the country.-Fur News.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

How 20 pick an honest fur firm
from among the thousands who adver-
tise without first giving them chance
TO skin" you in order 20 find them
ont
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

How 70 set traps for fox In cattle
paths without catching a farmers hogs
or dog.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19
THE TENDER PASSION.

The firt is always practicing game
she mover intends to play
We praise the sensible girl. but we
sometimes marry the other kind
The firt sometimes finds she can de-
ceive a man more by being sincere.
Learning how 20 love "a Nature s
roundabout way OF teaching US how to
hate.
The man I'm love is foolish. but he
doesn't admit il until after he gets
married.
We love only once. and few OF us
are lucky enough TO marry at that
timo.
Those who are disappointed In love
arc the ones who are disappointed
the least.
Another fellows sister always seems
nicer 10 us than our own until after
We have married
While love at first sight may lead
20 marriage. second sight is just as
likely to lead TO divorce
When az last YOU meet the ideal
woman the chances are that she won't
consider YOU the ideal man
LARGE FAMILIES IN EUROPE.
Boyle tells OF a French lawyer who
had As children.
LADY Temple OF Stow lived till she
had 700 descendants.
Mrs. Agnes Melbourne. who died in
174:. at LOG. left 30 children.
Mrs. Ursula Lightfoot who was
Buried not 40 many years ago in Eng
land. left 163 descendants.
Thomas Greenhin. surgeon TO the
duke of Norfolk. was the thirty-ninth
child by one father and mother.
The Harleian MSS. tells OF a Scotch
weaver who had 60 children by one
wife. Fifty lived 10 be 81 years ole.
Mrs. Honeywood OF Charing. Eng
land, who died In 1920. had is chill
dren. ia grandchildren, 2sS great
grandchildren and nine great-great-
gTandchildren-tOtal. S67.
Mrs. Mary Jonas OF Chester Eng
land, was the mother OF 80; a man re-
Gently applied for relief in Oulton who
had 80 children; Anthony Clark told
in the Clerkenwen county court that
he had 80.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19
MEXICAN PROVERBS.

There is no gain without pain.
Behind the cross is the devil.
To the hungry no bread is dry.
Flies cannot enter a closed mouth
A cat in gloves will never catch
rats.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

Why can't we all be happy? No
matter what happens, there are still
our hopes and our dreams we can be-
Ecve Will come true.-Leita Russell,
In New York World.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

II would be untold misery for a we
man to have a new gown IL there
was no other woman she could fiaunt
1t before.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19
TRAPPER WOULD LIKE TO KNOW

How to tell where mink run when
you can see no signs or tracks.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

Some men are proud OF the fact
that they kick when anything dis
pleases them-donkeys do the same
thing.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

There are some people who never
learn or the hardness OF the world
until they slip on a banana skin.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

How to set traps for and catch mink
where there isn't any.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

mans cheek IS often estimated al
more than its face value.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

Some fellows propose to a girl they
have a crush on. others get crush
when they propose
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

Some men marry poor girls and
settle down, and some others marry
rich widows and settle I'D.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19
CROPS AND OTHER THINGS.

Deprived OF food, the mole will
starve TO death in a day.
It is easier TO get divorced than
married in Switzerland.
A frstclass glove cutter can earn
as much as $50 week In Paris.
Sixty-four out of every 100000 of
the worlds inhabitants are blind.
The cotton crop OF the United States
equals the sum OF all other cotton
crops raised elsewhere.
II has been estimated that less exer.
ton is necessary TO ride 10 miles on
a bicycle than to walk three miles.
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
Some men are SO slow that they
step on their own heels.
Wise is the man who is able to say
nothing at the right time.
1t sometimes takes a man down
when a woman sizes him up.
A clever woman can take any old
thing and make something new out
OF it.
It's the easiest thing in the world
to call people hard names--at q dis
lance.
All men may be born free and equal,
but no man is as Independent as a
hired girl.
People can depend only on them
seives-and good many people can't
even do that.
Beauty is only skin deep. but
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19
MOBILE MoTs.

Motoring improves the lungs. You
have 10 shout to make the chauffeur
hear.
Many a siN-cylinder car is the sub,
stance OF things owned. the odor OF
things not seen.
II odor. not speed. were the standard
unit. many a small car would be rated
as at least 100 horsepower
The acme Of politeness. when your
hosts car breaks down. is 20 persuade
him you'd rather walk anyhow.
There are degrees OF hard luck. but
the limit is to be run over by an auto
while lodging sand ballast from an
airship.
The California man. named Leggitt,
who bought his first auto the other
day. declares he already knows what's
in a name.
No chauffeur need complain OF the
names he may be called in this coun-
try; in Germany he has become an
observation-disclosures bohemian
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

The world will not listen TO a very
young man because he is usually tx
norant, or very old one because he g.
usually selfish
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

Many a girl consents to ny with g
man-then has to climb out Of the
window. after all.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

man would have but little time
for anything else II he loved his neigh
bors as they love themselves.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

Argument is only good when IL is
impersonal; aimed at particular in
dividuals. II petrifes them in their
opinions.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19
LAcoNIcs OF LADY AURELIA.

Married life often begins with sill
YER and cut glass and ends with
broken china
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19
THOUGHTS FOR The DAY.

Aphorlsms ARE portable wisdom
or else rank nonsense. All is not gold
that glitters
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

II It were possible for US to have
everything We wish for we should
probably begin 10 wish all over again.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

The man who knows how to manage
q woman doesn't
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

Mrs. Muggins-"Its the strangesi
thing. Ny cat likes beer" Mrs. Bug
gins" Maybe it's a maltese"
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

Borrowell-"My right hand itches
That's a sign am going to get money
isn't ftp WigWag from me-"
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

We say Just as disagreeable things
about other people as they say about
us-but OF course that's different
Chicago Daily News.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

Motoring improves the lungs. You
have 10 shout to make the chauffeur
hQar
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

Beauty is only skin deep. but a
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

One speech will often make a states
man, but the statesman must first
make the speech.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

He who never ventures will never
cross the sea.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

People can depend only on them
seives-and a good many people can't
even do that.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1908-09-19

Even the grass widow has her hey
dey.