Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1908-09-10
UNCLE ALEXANDER'S
VIEWS
Ne Tells Aunt Hetty Something About
the Management OF Husbands.

chicken dinner"
Then she stood in the doorway an
gave him the wust tongue lashin' that
you ever heard tell Of, said our hired
man. IF there was anythin' ornery
that she didn't call him, my mem'ry
amt what 1t ulster be-"
My Aunt Hetty made deprecatory
noise with her tongue and teeth.
"Sech doins!" she exclaimed.
ooh, dunno!" said my Uncle Alex
ander.
How'd you like me to throw pot
lids at your" asked my Aunt Hetty.
Il s'pose you'd like that"
1--WE certainly amt had chicken for
quite a spell" said my Uncle Alexan-
der. mot since Brother Piper was
here. She didn't hit him with any
thin, did she, Preston?"
II don't callate she did" replied our
hired man. Not with anythin' that
she threw at him."
Il don't see nothin' to grin about"
said my Aunt Hetty, severely. II think
she ought to be ashamed of herself. l
don't hold with sech carryin's on
Standin' an hollerin' at him SOS folks
could hear herr"
you could have heard her mile"
said our hired man.
"All can say 10 I wonder at her"
said my Aunt Hetty. she's real
smart woman, an turrible neat in her
housekeepin', but that don't excuse
her actin that way"
IL guess Eben didn't get no more
than what was nessry," said my
Uncle Alexander. II don't know as |
blame her, myself. She's got to do
somethin' with him, an all she's got
to do Il with is her two hands an her
tongue. Eds too plague.taked mean
an shif'less for any use"
There's other ways" said my Aunt
Hetty.
There's one other way" corrected
my Uncle Alexander. You take a
woman like her, though, an she amt
got but the one. When n woman Is
cross.eyed an yaller, an slab-sided,
an bony, she's got to do the best she
can.
1--WE took heap o. notice of fe-
males that's got the name OF beln'
limber.tongued an free with the
broom handle, an there amt nary one
that ! can call to mind that would
take fust prize at a beauty show.
They're mostly homelier than sin In
sermon.
THE human man Is so constitooted
that he has got to be driven or coaxed,
one o the two. The human woman Ia
so consittooted that she's got to coax
or drive, one o. the two. That bein'
the case, II she can't coax, by reason
of havin face fifteen to stop clock
an flgger to match, she's got to get
a flow of language"
II don't see why she can't talk de.
cent, even II she amt no beauty" said
Aunt Hetty.
THE trouble is that she can't set
on her husbands knee and pull his
whiskers," said my Uncle Alexander.
"She can't coozzle. If a woman's plump
an has got rosy cheeks an bright
eyes, she can get anything she wants
by just coozlin' up to him an talkin'
baby talk"
'T'd like TO know how you found
that out" said my Aunt Hetty, tartly.
Il should think you'd be ashamed to
talk that way before young boy"
81 amt never ashamed to tell the
truth" said my Uncle Alexander.
"You never see q good-lookin' young
woman resortin' to hardware and
kitchen supplies to carry her point.
| she don't have to- An you don't
neyer see lady like Huldah Reddick
caressin' her husbands bald spot an
cooin' to him. II she did he'd have
her put in an insane asylum, an she
knows 1t.
"It's easier to coax, an it's a sight
pleasanter, but 1t amt everybody that
can do 1t, even IL they wanted to.
That's the reason that / feel sorry for
| Eds wife an make allowances for
her. That's the reason that when
ever ! hear a right good lookin' wom-
an sayin' that she can't understand
why anybody should take a fatiron
| 10 HtT VI Suii Nu' VI h'o
| proper name at the top Of her voice,
feel as If she needed enlightenin.
Its easy for folks to set back an
find fault with their neighbors, but IL
you wasn't the good-lookin wom-
An that you are, Het, an you had a
trifin', no-account, mean cuss like
Eben Reddick for a husband. Std OF
sober, stiddy, sweet-tempered, lib
raj, hard-workin', uncomplainin', SEN
sble man like me, there's no tellin
but what you'd let loose some time
| an give him a taste o. the rough side
o. your tongue. Mebbe you'd throw
pot lids, but anyway you'd say things
that wasn't complimentary"
You'd be sprised out O. your life II
did, wouldn't you?" said my Aunt
Hetty, sarcastically.
I'D never get over It," said my
Uncle Alexander.
Then you'd better put that fence
around my flowers that you've been
agoin' to for the last three weeks"
said my Aunt Hetty, grimly. I've
I waited jest about as long as l in.
tend TO-"
New Idea for England.