Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1908-06-18
GETTING A PHONE.


Numbers Of householders who are de-
,irous Of installing a telephone are de-
TERED by ignorance OF the department
tai regulations and the fear OF red tape.
The procedure is really SO simple that
few notes, forestalllng the efforts Of
the proposed postoffice publicity depart
ment, may prove OF interest TO intend
ing subscribers.
The first step Is to write to the dep
uty F. NJ. G.. stating the position OF
the premises and asking particulars Of
the fees payable. BY return post you
will receive a printed card Form 10.
9S2) stating that your letter has been
duly received and is having attention
This card Is sent by the Office boy and
has no real bearing on the subsequent
proceedings.
After this effort the department takes
a brief rest 10 recover its strength and
then plunges into series OF abstruse
calculations over period OF some
weeks. The result OF this mountain IN
labor is an absurdly Inadequate mouse
In the shape OF circular CForm CB.
ca informing you that your telephone
Will cost you IS per annum for max
imum OF 1000 originating calls. II
this startling example Of departmental
omniscience does not oyerpower you.
you may write 10 the d. p. NJ. G. ac-
ceptDg his offer and lnstrncting him to
proceed with the work.
Within ten days or thereabout you
will receive another circular (Form C..
1916, requesting you to sign the at
tached agreement and pay twelve
months rent In advance Having done
this, you may safely take holiday.
After an interval Of, say, month IT
Is as well to write to the ID. Z. NJ. g.,
pointing out that you have only lease
Of the premises and are therefore aux
ious to have the telephone as soon as Is
convenient. You win receive no reply
to this form KY, 1918, being out OF
print, but few weeks later a very
civil spoken young man will present q
half gallon billy" at your back door
and request a little hot water for
breakfast. II you direct attention to
the size Of the billy the man Will point
out two Of his mates who are sitting
on your roof and two others standing
In an expectant attitude In your back
garden, and q sixth man win be found
standing at the head OF linesman's
handcart out In the right Of way.
The men on the roof are discussing
where they win fx your telephone
wire, while the men In the garden are
waiting to catch them in case they roll
Of. This tends to show the perfection
Of the organization which exists In all
great government departments.
If the weather keeps fine the neces-
sary wires VIII soon be connected, and
nothing then remains but to obtain the
telephone instrument After waiting,
say, two or three weeks without result
you should write to the daily papers,
directing attention to the facts and
signing yourself Disguised Taxpayer"
On the day following the Insertion OF
your letter the 'of1cial explanation"
Form XO, T3) will appear In prom
inent position in the news columns.
The explanation win set out that the
postal department is not to blame,
since 1t ordered seven telephone instru-
ments In 1904, but the demand has
been so great that these have already
been used. 1t will further explain that
tenders are being called for ten addi-
tional instruments and arrangements
are being made for proirpt delivery.
Again, It viii state that all applica-
lions are dealt with strictly In order OF
priority, and as soon as the 1,196 back
orders are completed Disguised Tax
payers application Will receive imme-
date consideration.
The same days evening paper Will
contain an interview with the minister
concerned, who Will express regret that
Disguised Taxpayer" did not write d.
rect to the department under his own
name. The minister will add that he
Is completely recognizing the depart
ment. and, although only nine months
In Office, be has already had two tele-
graph poles reprinted and a piece Of
orange peel picked or the steps Of the
G.. p. o. The Interview will conclude
with a statement that the minister has
called for a report" This is a most
arduous and dangerous undertaking
which cannot be safely attempted by
any one drawing less than f2,0oO a
year, with prospects Of 200 increase.
As the result of the publicity given
to your case by the press a telephone
instrument will be sent ont to your
house, and you must then act with the
utmost circumspection II you would
evcid disaKtnc. Eco!iah peonla with no