davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-07-08
He Had 1t In for Them.

Amro-Abner has got it in for the
Standard Oil Company.
Ebenezer-I should say he had! He
lets all of his lamps burn all night
saws he's gOin' ter do all he kin ter ex-
haust the resources of the Standard,
b'gosh
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-07-08

Nine. Patti has given another fare
well appearance" Probably she does
II for her own welfare.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-07-08

About all the fool theories we read
about nowadays are advanced by col
Ie9e professors and doctors.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-07-08

The trouble with the average man is
he knows how to run every mans busl-
ness but his own.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-07-08

Where is the man so wise that be
hath solved the mystery Of hooks and
syes7
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-07-08

Preserving a tree for posterity to sit
under on a hot day is a noble and un-
selfish act.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-07-08

The average merry widow likes to
meet q man after her own heart
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-07-08

We aren't much afraid Of a general
Invasion by the dlrectoire gown. It's
too ugly.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-07-08

You can't tell what mans manners
are until you have eaten with them.
Arizona republican., 1908-12-06
FASHION BARBER SHOP.

Go to the Fashion Barber Shop when visiting city. Lewis & Noble, Props. 43 w. Washington St, Tor a neat hair cut. shave. plain bath. salt rub. alcohol rub. body massage. electric body massage, by Masseur John E. LeMls .-- - --.------
Arizona republican., 1908-12-06
Perkins paper porous plaster
 Makes all pains and aches fly fastc

Among the broad school humorists would probably be placed MT. DoO-- ley' (Peter Dunne), who has sue cessfully worked the same vein for now more than ten years. His two earliest books, MT. Dooley in Peace and in War" and MT Dooley in the Hearts of His Countrymen," were among the greatest discoveries ever made by an American publishing house. They now count among the classics of American humor, for which there is the same kind of continuous demand as for Mark Twains works or for Stocktons "Rudder Grange" Another, of course, is the versatile George Ade. In somewhat the same class. though of more variable. talent. is the prolific Holman F. Day, who lives in Maine and writes books of verse about Maine people with mission-that mission being, accord ing to a preface written for one of his volumes by his friend, Congress- man Charles Littlefield, ito sell as many copies as possible" Other eX- cellent humorists who belong with the testers rather than with the graceful essayists are, of course, Gelette Bur gess. of Purple Cow fame, whose Cage of Youth and "Vivette" have, however, shown him in more subtle light; Oliver Herford. author of The Bashful Earthquake" An Alphabet of Celebrities and other thrillingly funny productions; Charles Battell Loomis, cheerful -optimist and popu- lar lecturer as well as author. All these have at one time or other been hailed as great discoveries, and the receipt of a manuscript from one of them Is still an event in many edi torial offices.
 After MT. Dooley perhaps the most remarkable and unheralded humorist of the past ten years was George Horace Lorimer. whose Letters from a Self Made Merchant to His Son." caught the Opular fancy to an eX- traordinary degree resulting in the sale of nearly half a million copies of a book which is still among the good sellers. MT. Lorimer up to the time of the appearance of his book had been known first as an excellent newspaper reporter, then as an ac- complished editor, but it was not re- alized that he had gifts entitling him to a place among the foremost of American humorists.
Arizona republican., 1908-12-06
Deafness Cannot Be Cured

by local applications. as they cannot reach the diseased portion of the. ear. There is only one way to cure deafness, and that is by constitutional remedies. Deafness Is caused by an inflamed con dition of the mucous lining of the Eus- tachian Tube. When this tube is in- flamed you have a rumbling sound or imperfect hearing. and when 1t is en- tirely closed, Deafness is the result, and unless the inflammation can be taken out and this tube restored to its normal condition, hearing will be destroyed for ever; nine cases out of ten are caused by Catarrh, which Is nothing but an in famed condition of the mucous sur faces.
 We will give One Hundred Dollars for any case of Deafness (caused by ca tarrh) that cannot be cured by Halls Catarrh Cure Send for circulars free.
 F. J. CHENEY & CO, Toledo, O.
 Sold by Druggists. 75c.
 Take Halls Family Pills for constipa-
Arizona republican., 1908-12-06

"A pious prelate used to ride
 A donkey which, alas
 His patience being often tried
 He called Flu -darnid- as
 A name he emphasized or not
 As grew his temper cool or hot"
 It comparatively seldom happens that Q humorist who if found" as belonging to one of these two dis tinct schools passes over to the other after he has been discovered, al though among writers of comic verse and prose William F. Kirk was simple and delicate in his lyrics of The Norsk Nightingale" while no one can accuse him of extreme delicacy as he records the discussions between the Manicure Lady and the Barber of re produces the compositions of Little Robbie.
 No conspicuous find of the broad school of humor has been proclaimed by any publishing house in the pres ent year. Probably the most noted humorist, indeed, of this stamp who has come into prominence in recent years is Ellis Parker Butler, whose Pigs Is Pigs" started a chuckle that extended from Atlantic to Pacific Another of Mir Buffers works repre- senting his style at it's best is his Perkins of Portland" the story of the advertising man who performed commercial miracles with his catch phrases. such as "Murdock's soap is pure soap; if you don't believe il, bite it," and his
Arizona republican., 1908-12-06
GOLD

GOLD
 Miners and Ranchers, Notice! We do iron and brass cast ings of all kinds. Come in and talk to us.
 PHOENIX FOUNDRY co. l..u... 451 $. 7th Ave.
Arizona republican., 1908-12-06
WRITE SOMETHING FUNNY
 PUBLISHERS ARE WAITING
Will Tumble Over Themselves to Get !. lt-A Serious Business, This of
 Dicvoreing Humorous Talent.

Boston, Mass, Nov 30.-(Special correspondence of The Republican)- The rarest thing in the world, as everybody who knows anything about the literary markets, is a new joke
 The next rarest is an old joke re vamped that it looks new. The liveli- est hunt among publishers of books and magazines today is for real hu-
Arizona republican., 1908-12-06
Dated Nov. r. 1908.

We. O. SaitO and NJ. Kamada, having Charlotta Mills, desire to express our sincere appreciation of the patronage of the people and heartily thank them for the favors they have shown us in the past years of our business. Miss Mills will continue the business. and desires the patronage of the people, and hopes to give them the best of satisfaction.
 O. SAITO AND M. ARMADA.
Arizona republican., 1908-12-06
NOTICE OF STOCKHOLDERS
 MEETING

All STOCKHOLDERS of the Arizona Gold and Copper Hill Mining company are hereby notified that there will be a meeting of Stockholders of said com pany held at its office. 15 East Adams street, in the City of Phoenix, Arizona, on the 14th day of December, 1908, at 10 o'clock, am, for the purpose of electing officers of said company. The stock books of the company will be closed on the 4th day of December, 1908.
 By order of the Board of Directors. (Signed) C. E. HOLLAND,
 Secretary. nota1 Nov 1Q0Q
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-12-17
SET FREE FROM
NO ACCOUNT MAN

1t did not take Judge De Bolt long
yesterday to make up his mind to
grant the divorce asked by Lau Kan
from her husband, Wing Chang. The
evidence for the libellant showed most
clearly the fact that the libelee bad
failed to support his wife and the
pitiable circumstances which caused
ney with which to buy food and cloth
es for her children, were such as to
have a strong effect on the court.
The libelee attempted to show that
the woman had been unfaithful to her
marriage VOWS, but the fact that this
had been threshed out in a four-day
trial in the Federal Court, after which
she was found not guilty, poiled any
effect that this might otherwise have
had. The contrast formed between the
little Chinese woman, hardly five feet
in height, and the man, who weighs
over two hundred pounds and stands
over six feet high, was another no
ticeable thing.
The amount of alimony which the
defendant will have to pay has not
yet been decided, but it is likely that
| he will have to contribute literally
towards the support of the children,
whom he has attempted to place en-
I tirely on the slight resources of the
mother. This will be taken up when
the decree is granted.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-12-17

every locality prevention could be ac-
complished by an expenditure equiva-
leot to the losses from the floods of
few years.
In few flood regions, however, could
this result be accomplished except
under Federal action. Most of the riv-
ers are interstate. Their basins were
defined many thousands Of years before
State boundaries were conceived. The
proper treatment of the flood question
must therefore follow the limits inn
posed by nature rather than the arti-
ficial lines defining the sovereignty OF
the various States. Prevention of floods
is purely an engineering problem, and
the engineers who have thoroughly in
vestigated it realize fully the neces-
, sity for Federal regulation.
On another feature of this subject
the engineering profession is also
agreed, namely, that whatever means
may be finally adopted to prevent this
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-12-17
SPORT AND
SPARKLES

The High School yesterday defeated
Aliiolani College in the soccer prac-
tice game on the league grounds, to
O..
o
Members of the Riverside League
meet tonight in the chambers of Bar
rister A, l.. c. Atkinson, Judd Build
ing.
%
j. A. Mcleod, ANDY" McLaren and
Dick sullivan start on a walk around
this island next Monday.
o.
There viii be a meeting IN the Young
Hotel roof garden, mauka end, at b;lA
Il. m tomorrow, when all Interested IA
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-12-17
GRIDIRON
GLORIES FADE

The late football season was the best I.
in the history of the game in America, p.
because it was clean season. The |
playing has been as hard as it ever
was, but it was in fair play; give and I.
take in the right spirit. 1t is all very |
well for Lord Northcliff to marvel at
American obstinacy or stupidity in
clinging to the old Rugby game, but,
to tell the truth. America wants that
sort of game. The demand for thou
sands of seats on stands and stadia
which hold upward of $4,000 attests
that fact Soccer football may be
good Lacrosse is a noble and beau
tiful sport but Americans do not cry
for it, Americans like American foot
ball Just because it is strenuous. They
! like to see the irresistible body meet
| the immovable object and in the au-
| tumnal season the people want Meth
err cricket nor mumblepeg nor any 9TH
er mollycoddle diversion-not during
this Administration.
What they do want is the "rigor of
the game" according to the wish of
Sarah Battle of sainted memory, but
they want it clean, fair and square, and
several men have contributed very es-
sentially toward that end, among
them the Hon. "Bill" Edwards, OF
Princeton, eminent umpire and ruler
and castigator of embattled teams and
men.
One of the obstacles to the abate,
ment of foul or dirty football tactics
several years ago, when the reform
impulse began to agitate the bosom'
of men and presidents, was an evi
spirit of "want-to-win-a t-any-cost" il
the colleges. The attempt to discipline
the offenders was met by the same
kind of rowdy outbreak as the kill
the-umpire" manifestations on thu
baseball field; and while everybod!
agreed that the foul play ought to bt
stopped the men to do it were not 81
very plentiful But Bill" Edwards
did it, and he did it with smash anC
a crash that met with no denial
Take back the ball fifteen yards
was the command and the ball wa
taken back. Teams soon lost the ca
pacity to see the joke of having dirt!
work done on their side when tn,
whole team suffered the penalty, anC
so by degrees football elevens have
become adjusted to decency, and en-
terprising vnutr no longer lie awake
O. nights thIni> how they will "pul
off the trick o "hanring a furtiv,
smash in the mug" to a star opponent
Armies of men talked of clean foot
ball, but BILL" he made it clean.
How that man can escape a minis
tership to Uruguay. or at least Unit
ed States marshalship, is past under
standing, but if he does the colleg
world owes him testimonial-Phila
delphia Public Ledger.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-12-17
AS TO MISPLACED COMFORTS.

Prof Frederick Starr of the Uni
versity of Chicago has brought back
from the Philippines a curious COM
plant against the government of
those islands. 1t recalls the embarr
assment of the missionary in high la
titudes who had to picture the ortho-
doX place of punishment as a region
of eternal frost to keep his converts
from desiring to go thither. From
what Prof. Starr says it seems that
Filipino malefactors are so comfort
ably lodged and so thoroughly fed in
Bilibid prison that the luxuries there
enjoyed are an incentive to crime.
This is not all. The technical train
ing given to the inmates of this hy-
gienic prison is so thorough, accord
ing to Prof. Starr, that the vicious
classes, while living on the fat of the
land, are made ready to outwit the
ignorant honest folk who never stole
anything and who therefore never got
a chance to become educated crafts
men. Education of the criminals 'en-
dDl6S Ju0Iu W prey lOlSN6I upOu IhC
honest and decent classes" Prof. Starr
says.
In the light of this criticism it Is
interesting to find that the director of
Philippine prisons in his latest pub
lished report expresses Qualification
good simple man!-because of the
marked success of the industries car
ried on with convict labor in Bilibid.
The output and the sales are increas-
ing rapidly. The director urges that
a market for prison-made furniture
and other products be built up outside
of the Philippines, mentioning espe-
cially Australia and New Zealand,
where these manufactures have met
with particular favor.
If the prisoners in Bilibid are too
highly fed are housed in quarters that
are too agreeable and hygienic, are
made too skillful in useful trades and
generally are too we'll treated, one
naturally asks, What constitutes a
model PRISON." Evidently the line has
to be drawn with care. Should it be
drawn on the side of physical discom-
fort and scanty dole of education
for the prisoner? 1t is not likely that
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-12-17
At los ANGELES

, LOS ANGELES, Cal, Dec. I'm
a driving finish Dominus Arvi to
shot, won the Mount Lowe handi-
cap at six furlongs at Santa Anita
yesterday, defeating a highclass field.
He carried 115 pounds and stepped the
distance in ZIP 2-5. He was rushed
into the lead soon after the start and
took a length lead. He held his adj
vantage to the last sixteenth, when
Colloquy, the favorite, came with a
rush, Dominus Arvi winning by a
neck. Jockey Bullman has signed
with Gill Summers. Results:
Five and a half furlongs selling
Lord Nelson won, Kerry second, San
Nicholas third. Time 1:05 AS.
Six furlongs, selling-Gerrymandel
won, Joe Gaitens second, Anderson
third Time-1:13 is.
One mile purse-Arcourt won, Sil
Edward second, Ida May third. Time
lbs AS.
Mount Lowe handicap, six furlong'
,-Dominus Arvi won, Colloquy sec
ond, Dandelion third. Time-1:12 2-5
Seven furlongs, selling-Pal won
Airs second, Progress third. Time
I1:25 3-5.
Seven furlongs, selling-Daysta
won, Translucent second, Milpita
third Time-1:25 Is.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-12-17
HEAVY LOSSES
FROM FLOODS

The average annual damage by
floods in the United States has never
been accurately determined, but such
investigations as have been made in
dictate that the loss must be at least
500, 100000 annually. 1t appears that
in many parts of the United States the
proper expenditure of an amount equal
to one years flood loss would prevent
future floods; in other parts of the
country the cost would probably equal
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-12-17
GAMBLERS TO Be HEARD TODAY

So much time was taken in police
court yesterday in the prosecution
of a man already convicted, Kahele,
that the case against the alleged Chi
nese gamblers of Maunakea street and
Beretania avenue was put over until
this morning Two of the Chinese ori-
ginally arrested on a charge of main
tanning a gambling place and then
discharged, have been re-arrested on
a charge OF conducting a game, Since
only ten cents was discovered when
the place was raided II Is stated that
the charge OF maintaining a house Is
hardly feasible, for how could gam
bling house BIO maintained ON ten
cents?
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-12-17
LOBSTER'S KNELL
STIRS DINERS
WELSH RABBIT MAY SUCCEED
THE CRUSTACEAN WHEN IT is
EXTINCT.

A grim report that the lobster is
doomed to extinction stirred up con-
sternation among Chicago gourmets
and restaurant men today. Chorus
girls who owe their healthy bloom and
vigor to a steady diet of the night
blooming lobster were included in the
circle of CONSERVATION.
The knell of the delicious crustacean
was sounded by Francis H. Herrick,
special investigator for the United
States bureau of fisheries, at a con-
versation conference of six New Eng
land states in Boston yesterday. He
said that the lobster is scheduled to
become rare and that by the end of
this century it will be a tabled crea-
ture of nursery tales.
Rumors of a special convention of
the members of the United Brother
hood of Nocturnal Snacks were circu-
lated today. According to reports, the
welsh rabbit has ambitions to ascend
/ the throne to be vacated by his hated
rival, King Crustacean, and he will
strive to induce his fellow "snacks
to crown him monarch of the king
dom of after-dark Others to whom
lofty aspirations are attached are
Messrs. Cam M. Bert and Quail N
Toast. 1t is feared that the chatting
dish faction may gain the upper hand
with dire results to coryphee consti
tutions.-Chicago Daily News.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-12-17
SPOR t s
At EMERYVILLE

OAKLAND, Cal, Dec, Jeanne
dare again demonstrated that she is
a high-class filly, when she won the
Prather handicap at Emeryville yes
terday from a field of clever sprinters,
Always ruling favorite in the betting,
the daughter of Ben Strome ran sec
ond to Smiley Corbett until the final
furlong, and then, drawing away won
cleverly in the fast time of $50 As,
considering the fact that the track was
somewhat dead. Booger Red was
third.
Kelowna, ridden by D. Mccarthy,
proved a surprise by winning the fifth
at odds of SO to from Miss Mazzoni,
the favorite. ]. Jones sent two win
ners to the post, taking second with
Madam carrying his colors, and the
third with Import, the latter being
owned by F. H. Healey. Anna May,
winner of the first, was bid up from
5000 to $1,000 by E. J. Ramsey, but
was retained.
Results:
Futurity course, selling-Anna May
won, Hereafter second, Nagazam
third. Time-1:10 1-5.
Five and a half furlongs, purse
|; Mailman won, Listowel second, Ocear
{ Queen third. Time-1:07 1-5.
One mile and seventy yards, selling
| Import won. Tony Faust second
Logistilla third. Time 1:44 S-5.
Five furlongs, Prather handicap -
, Jeanne dare won, Smiley Corbett sec
ond, Booger Red third Time-59 4-5
One mile, selling-Kelwna won, Mis-
! Mazzoni second, Rhynoci third. Tim
, III is.
, Six furlongs, purse-Palo Auto won
, Matchtulla second, Sainvoke third
Time-1:14 2-5.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-12-17

great devastation the results of inves-
LEGATIONS of rivers must be available
to show their habits, flows, seasonal
changes, and eccentricities; and, more
over such investigations must extend
over a period of years and be practi-
cally completed before remedial meas
ures can be applied United States
Geological Survey.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-12-17

They will tell you in Wall street
that the work of that Chicago forger
was coarse, that he didn't observe the
rules of the game and that he doesn't
belong to our set at all.-New York
World.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-12-17

After a man makes up his mind not
to criticise his neighbors he has to
keep a pretty strong curb on him
self.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-12-17

as recommending such a policy as
that.-Chicago Daily News.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-12-17

Fine job Printing, Star Once,
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-12-17


MADISON Wis, Nov. 12.- Walter
Steffen of the University of Chicago
football team surprised the University
of Wisconsin eleven in the game here
this afternoon by taking the ball on
the kickoff at the start and running
1O5 yards, the length of the field, for
a touchdown. This feat duplicates
that of Walter Eckersall at Marshall
field in 1904, when the great quarter
back did the trick against the Badg-
ers.
At 2 o'clock Stiehm kicked off for
Wisconsin to Steffen, who got by the
entire Wisconsin team, running 105
yards and planting the ball directly
behind the goal post. Schommer kick
ed goal The interference for Steffen
on this marvellous run was perfect, Id
dings pulling the last Badger out of
the way.
Wilce later scored a touchdown for
Wisconsin making the tally to 6.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-12-17

the great walking race scheduled for
the latter part of next month will
discuss ways and means and methods.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-12-17

Prepared BY Dr. J. c, Aver & Co., Lowell Mass. 4
The enterprise-recorder. (Madison, Fla.) 1908-1933, 1908-10-15

Read This.
GG,oo9sdGalyanized Zinc Washtubs, 42c
p zinc, Washtub, 69c
85c Bed Spreads 69c
81 25 Bed Spreads, 88c
l 80 Bed Spreads, CSC
l0c cotton Blankets, pair, SIC
! 90 Cotton Blankets, pair, 79c
l 80 Cotton Blankets, pair, CSC
z 20 Cotton Blankets, pair, ! 50
2 90 Cotton Blankets, pair, 197
Embroidery down to DC
Val Laces and insertions to
match, as low as Sc
v
The Florida star., 1908-11-13
Profit Sharing Workmen.

In order to avoid the closing of tho
shop the employees Of a great ship
building firm In England recently ac-
cepted an offer Of partnership with
the proprietors. The company boldly
declared that strike troubles had be-
come uncomfortable and the shops must
close unless strikes could be elimI-
mated.
Shares OF a special stock will be sold
to employees to be paid for out Of their
earnings. Interest will be allowed on
the shares whether the business pays
or not. After this special interest has
been paid and interest Of per cent
on the capital has been deducted from
the earnings any remaining profit will
be divided between all the sharehold-
ers. Wages and hours are regulated
by the agreement, and workmen may
quit at will and sell their shares. II Is
an interesting experiment.