The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1908-08-22


The worst had come. The Pensacola
booster had boosted not wisely but
too we'll The era of absolute perfec-
ton had been reached and the festive
knockeT, hanging furtively about street
corners and things, with his hands in
his pockets, found himself with abs
lutely nothing to do.
Escambia county had connected her
self with all adjoining territory which
happened to look good to her. She
was floating bonds by the carloads,
and proud of il.
The Alberta country, in conjunction
with the enterprise of Escambia, had
already produced the wonderful peach
potato. When eating it, you couldn't
decide whether it had the flavor of a
peach or a potato, SO skillfully blend
ed were the characteristic tastes. Half
the fruit grew under the ground like
a potato, and half on a tree, like a
peach. This made it awkward to
pick, but the peach potato was being
widely cultivated throughout the ad-
Joining country.
A local building concern had perfect
ed a mold which could be purchased
on the installment plan, for one cent
a month, whereby a house and garden
could be made in ten seconds.
style of architecture, set up the moIds.
poured in few cupfulS of melted
bricks and To- you had a Jersey Goth
ic or LonelythOTpe Renaissance man.
sion ready for use.
These two successes had come close
together, il was true. but the enter
pTising community had withstood the
shock and had lived and prospered-
Then the electric company had got
busy, and had given to Pensacola and
the world it's first real novelty, the
famous incandescent FREELY. The fire.
fy's lighting power had been increased
a thousand per cent. and the new
brand had been quickly accepted. es-
pecially along the bay shore, and w.s
rapidly replacing the Chinese lanterns
at out door functions
Some trouble had been caused at
first by the number of light bulbs
broken by the careless little creatures.
but this was quickly remedied by
charging each insect for breakages-
BY an ingenious arrangement. such
as is used in % cent gas meters, the
little electric metres, also, never stop
ped running.
Power was supplied by an ordinary
current bush, which had been grated
into an electric dynamo.
Onions, meantime. had been grown
strong enough to run the plant of the
city electric company, and had been
placed on the market, thanks to the
enterprise of the country truck farm
ers-
The Pensacola Household ieIp had
~l~eaGy come in for universal use
All a man had to do in the morning
TO awaken was to press a button.
whereupon bell would ring at his
bedside and wake him up. 1t would
also set in motion the electric razor
the electric collar button chaser. the
automatic kicker-adjusted to beast
" coffee" ''Ifurnt toast" etc-the
door slammer, and other devices too
numerous TO mention.
The Pensacola Cold Cow was an
other wonderful advance. This was
an ordinary COW. chilled to such a
degree that you didn't have to visit
the local soda water empOriums.
All you did was to whisper gently
in her ear what flavor of ice cream
you wanted. and she would do the rest
In winter, by simply switching the
animal TO an opposite current she
could be easily warmed to any degree.
and in conjunction with the self-beat-
ing egg, could be relied upon for A
delicious cuStard pudding.
The Self Beating Egg. like most
great inventions. depended upon
very slight principle Only hens with
crouch were used. 1t was conse-
quently easy TO get the yolk and the
white 10 quarrel, when the white
would chase the yoIk around until
thoroughly beaten
The Pensacola Oyster Plant had al
ready succeeded in producing oysters
with but one shell. thus saving the
oysters a lot of wasted effort. nobody
hPving much use for the top shell any
how.
The city ar last had plenty of rail
roads. In place of a street car sys-