Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1908-08-18
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Held go to the end OF the world
for You. She-You won't have TO 20
that far. I'm here.-The Sphinx.
Bridget, wasn't that policeman max.
Ing love to you in the kitchen. lash
night" "He thot he was, num-
Life
Passenger-How do you feel. nv
good man, when the giant waves comes
tumbling over the ship2 Old Salt
Wet maam-werry wetl
Pa-Sometimes l get discouraged
about Willie. Ma-what's the matter
nowf Pa.-Hels he is, IL years old,
and he can't throw an outcurve yet
Newark News
Have you ever been cross-examined
beforei" inquired a barrister Of wit
ness who was occupying his attention.
Have | F. exclaimed the man. "Diint
Just tell you l am married?"
Bscon-There's one thing can't
understand. Eg5ert-Tell 1t to me.
Bacon-When couple get married. II
is said they become one. But, again.
they say it takes two to make quar-.
rel.
Teacher 60 new pupil): whats
your name?" New Pupil: .T-t-tommy
T-t-tinker." Teacher-"And do YOU
stutter all the time. Tommy" New
Pupil-"N-n-no, NINA am; oonly when
t-t-talk."
Mrs. Uptown-I trust that we shall
get along very nicely. Nora. am not
at all difficult to suit Nora (the new
maid)-No, ma'am; that's what I
thought the blessed minute set eyes
on the master
How do you account for Casey's
wonderful success as a policeman?"
The fact that he used to work In the
ditch" "How does that account for
iii" ut made him proficient In the art
Of throwing mud"
Mr.. Bunsby-If that young mans
coming here TO see you every day in the
week, you had better give him a hint
to come after supper. Miss Bunsby--
l don't think it's necessary, pa. That's
what he comes after.
An editor is reported by Lippincott's
as saying-when asked on what he bas-
ed his assertion that his small boy was
cut out for an editor-"why, every
thing he gets his hands on he runs and
throws into the waste-basket."
Mr.. Batch have my doubts about
this idea that the more you give away
the more you have. Mr. Phamleigh--
No question at all about 1t. l gave
away my daughter two months ago.
and now she's returned to me with her
husband.
Farmer-I'm a-goin' to drive to town
some day next week, Marthy. His
Wife-You can't Hiram. wuz just
lookin' over the skedool Of auto races
an there amt an open date for boss
drivin' on the roads for the next ten
days-Puck.
When little Hiss Helen learned that
moving day was near she asked for a
trunk in which to pack her belongings.
But what have you to pack?7 asked
her aunt. why" replied the child in
surprise, ''my Teddy bear and other
useful things"
woman on the train asked the con-
ductor how long the cars stopped Mt
the station. He replied: Madam, we
stop Just four minutes, from two to
two to two two" The woman turned
to her companion and said: II wonder
IL he thinks he's the whistle on the
engine"
II didn't know your mother was
dangerously Ill.," said the observant
neighbor. ''Why, she isn't" replied the
dainty daughter. what made you
think that?" IL saw you washing the
dishes this morning" And is 1t any
wonder that they never speak as they
pass byf-Detrolt Free Press.
The class was discussing animals
how they walked. got up, etc. After
she explained the cows method of ris-
ing to her fSet, the teacher asked:
do you know any other animal that
gets up like a cowT Silence reigned
for a moment, Ihen one little girl tim
idly raised her nand "What is itw
asked the teacher. "a calf" was the
whispered reply.
In Glasgow car was an aged Irish
man who held a pipe In his month.
The conductor told him ne could not
smoke, but he paid no heed. Presently
the guard came into the car. and said
with a show OF irritation Didn't
tell you you could not smoke In this
carr" swell, Dim not smoking"
You've got pipe In your mouth"
80 Oh have me feet In me boots,' re-
piled Pat, "but OI'm not walking"