Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1908-01-04

Said Bach'lor on parade;
"It's New Year Day, it's New Year
Day."
The Woman Halter said.
"What makes you look so white, so
white?"
Said Bach'lor on parade;
"I'm dreadin' what we've got to face"
The Woman Halter said.
"For Leap Year is upon us,
And the girls will use wire,
They'll hook us like poodle
When the licenses expire,
AM they'll dump-us In the wagon r.
AM we're off to find squire, 9
For they're layln' for the bach'lor
In the mornin'."
The big bet for this month will be
Taft. The Atlantic feet will approach
the Horn with bent spy glass, look
ing around for Japs. 80, HE'LL"
whispered in Uncle Joe Cannon's ear,
will be the pass word to get anything
before Congress. Japan viii have a
slack month at the Nagasaki navy
yards, and will build only twenty sew
en- more war ships. The guess on
Roosevelt's future for this month will
be that he will become Congressman
after he leaves the White House, and
will go into the ring with Williams and
DeArmond. Mr.. Bryan will walk
around the Democratic nomination
with hammer, to see if there is any
place where he can nail it down. Mon
ey will continue shy, rising out of
range and flying eight niles. Mr..
Lawson will put his mask on and go
back into the game, jobs will continue
to run whec they see you coming, and
sometime during the month Mr.. Nor
gan will decide whether he has all the
money he wants now, or if he will con-
tinue the panic. =
After the goth we shall be under the
influence of Aquarius the water carri-
er, the eleventh sign of the Zodiac.
Under this favorable sign, Prohibition
will establish about eighty more storm
centers, booze will run another mile
in nothing south of the Mason & Dixon
linea and Carrie Nation win work with
a hatchet in each hand. To quote
from an Omar of the Oklahoma desert,
~ Hush little bar-room,
y .@ Don't you cry
You'll be a drug store
By and by. -... <"
January was named after Janus BIZ
irons, known as "Two- Faced Janus"
He was the originator of what is known
as ''the politicians life saver" A
wave of prohibition was sweeping
Rome, and Bifrons, candidate for the
Senate, had to declare himself one
way or the other to every third man
he met. But he was foxy Dago, and
when he was asked, 'Do you drink,
Bifrons?" he would slyly ask in return,
"Is this an invitation, Or do you just
want to knoW?"
Rome had a gate named for Janus.
It led from the Palatine to the Quirin-
al Hill, and was closed only when
Rome was at peace with the world.
This occurred but four times-under
Numa, Augustus Caeser and Vespa-
tian, and after the first Punic War.
Julius Caesar kept the gate open wider
than anybody. Just to satisfy himself
that no other Roman ever had any
thing on him in this respect, he once
drove twenty loads of hay through the
gate abreast, as against record of
fourteen loads. Caesar was a great
joker, and his favorite pun was made
at this gate. Riding through when
the sun was setting, he pointed at the
sunset with one hand and at the pass
ing railway construction crew with the
other, and exclaimed to his lieuten-
ants, "Behold, the day goes!"
Another year (mark well the rhyme)
Has joined the Host of Father Time.
A few more solid banks will burst
To many trusting ones disgust.
The widow recently bereft ...
Will pop the question right and left,
And luckless man, of Leap Year butt,
Will scramble for the tall uncut.
The sport in Congress will consist of
battles with the horny fist, the gentle
man Missouri bred will call some one
q noodle head; they'll clinch and bite
each others cheek, the frightened
galleries will shrek, the Speaker will
get out a gun, the man from Arkansas
will run, the sergeant will bolt through |
3 door, the fight viii spread upon the
floor, the clerk will climb the chap
AIMS back, and the air will sound with
Biff and Whack, the War Department
will turn out, the Senate will get in the
bout, and Fairbanks with triumphant |
cry, will black Ben Tillman's other