Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1908-05-19

''were the amateur theatricals good?"
Splendid! never saw anything
worse. Life.
Jones-Is your daughter a finished
musieianf Smith-No but the neigh
bors are making threats.-The Club
Fellow.
as she a hill-climber?' "You betl
This machine will get EN- unless they
take TO trees. Louisville Courier
Journal
Miss X.-Wouldn't 1t be horrible TO
have to die an old maid? Miss Y
Not half so horrible as to have to live
that way.--Cleyeland Leader
whit do you think young Chunpley
weighs?" "About 200 pounds on the
scales and about ten ounces in The COM
munity. "-CleveIand Plain Dealer
Can have pass over your liner"
NO" replied the railroad man, laws
too strict We can't pass anything but
dividend now"--Philadelph Public
Ledger.
Out of Town Friend-Say. old man,
where is the best place to get umbrel-
las? New Yorker--Oh, large recep-
ton or club meeting.-Lippincott's
Magazine.
Bacon-Has he been successful with
his new airshlp? Egbert- Partially so.
He goes up In the air. every time he
tries to start the thing-Yonkers
Statesman.
Il didn't notice you at the mothers
congress-" NO" replied the woman
addressed. I'm not a theoretical
mother, you know. / have six."-Phil-
adelphia Ledger.
Ella-I'm to be married tomorrow
and I'm terribly nervous. Stella-I
suppose there always Is a chance Of a
man getting away up to the last min
ute Brooklyn Life.
Eliza-Did you say Sam was maxim
a lot Of money out of his voice? Cloe
Sure thing! At de opera. Eliza-At
de opera? Cloe-Yes; he calls de car.
riages !-Yonkers Statesman.
Mlfkins-I understand you said that
had outlived my usefulness. Bifkins
You have been misInformed. said
that l didn't believe you ever were or
any use.-Chicago Daily News.
Redd--I understand that new auto
mobile of yours goes like the wind.
Greene-Thats right. Nobody can tell
just when the wind is going to start or
when it is going to stop.-Yonkers
Statesman.
did you and your wife take long
trip on your honeymoon" ut seemed
long to me. Her father had promised
to settle snug sum Of money on us
as soon MS we got back."-Chicago Rec
ord-Herald.
Reddy Quitting down gold piece)-
Ticket for Del Monte. Ticket Clerk
Change at Castrovlle, II you take this
train. Reddy-T1l wait then, for I
want my change right here, uncle
Monterey Gossip.
She-I see where fellow married
a girl on his deathbed. just so she
could have his millions when he was
| gone. Could you love a girl like thatf
He-Sure, l could love girl like thati
Where does she lve?-Puck
"What would you do II you was one
o. desc milllonairesT' scid Meandering
Mike. ~ 'spose." answered Flooding
Pete, 'dat I'd get meself golf outfit
an walk fur pleasure instid o. from
/ necessity Washington Star.
/ Mabel-Jack proposed to me last
night Stella-Poor fellow So he did
keep his word after all? Mabel-Why,
what do you mean? Stella--When I
refused him last week he said II would
cause him to do something Desperate
Chicago Daily News.
The Actress-In this new play I'm
supposed to die from a broken heart.
Now, how am to know how a person
with a broken heart behavesf The
Manager-I'll tell you what to do. You
study tne author Of this play after he
sees the first Observation-Disclosures
| Bits.
Mrs. Ascum-Have yon any 5-cent
stamps? Drug Clerk (abseut-mindedly)
No, ma'am, but we have something
just as good. Mrs. Ascum--Hal hal
force OF harit That's where | caught
you. Drug Clerk--Not at all, ma'am.
can give you two twos and one
Philadelphia Press.
katy, who's in the high school," re-
marked Mr.. Dolan. "have been readin'
Herbert Spencer to me-" who's Her
bert Spencer Hes wan Nv the
smartest min on earth. He could ex-
plain anythin' at all ty yez II yez
could only be polite enough to stay
awake an pay attintlon. Washington
Star.
(Which is the cow that gives the but
| termilk?' lnnoccntly asked the young
lady from the city, who was inspect
Ing the herd with critical eye. Don't
make yourself ridiculous said the
young lady who had been In the coun-
try before and knew thing or two.
Goats give buttermIIk springfield
Journal.
Younghub-What are you crying
about, my dear? Mrs. Younghub-The
c-cook got m-mad and l-left to-day with
out ggiging me a m-monet's notice.
Younghub- Well, you ought to be glad
OF 1t. You said you were going to dis
charge her. anyway Mrs Younghub--
Yves. b-but the m-mean thing b-beat
me to 1t.
Biggest Man I'm the House.
Cy Sulloway OF New Hampshire stlll
| retains bis place as the biggest man