The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-12-16
ASmOked Ham Diet.


Bill Scott, as he was Familiarity call
ed, was lazy and shlftless.
Like all lazy men, Bill Scott had an
appetite. His appetite also had pref
erence. He loved oysters. chicken.
porterhouse steak and clnm chowder,
but what he loved above all was smok-
ed ham. He liked II fried or boiled or
baked, and he could never get enough
Of 1t. The only way he could get ham
was to steal II, and many of the vii
layers and farmers objected TO his
midnight visits to their smokehouses.
Among the objectors was the Widow
Glenn, who had farm n mile away.
She was also one OF those Interested
In seeking to save Bill from himself.
Perhaps she was the only woman in,
the world who would have thought of
combining ham with reform. nTheiidea.
came to her In dim, underlined way,
but she kept at II until she worked K
out. One day after being told by her
hired man that he had seen Bill Scott,
scouting about the smokehouse the
evening previous she entered into
little conspiracy. The door was left
unlocked, the hired man hidden near
by and next night as Bill was taking
a ham off it's roost the door was slam
med shut and he found himself a
prisoner When morning came the
widow drove to town to see Mrs
Glenn, and upon her return she Wis
ited the house of hams and said to the
captive:
"Of course you have nothing to say,
except that you were walking in your
sleep last night, but now that you are
wide awake l have something 10 say to
you. You like smoked ham / am go
ing to give you all you want of It.
Today you will eat sit uncooked. To.
morrow you shall have 1t frled.''
A chair and jug OF water were
brought in he was furnished with a
knife and the door locked on bin. and
he proceeded 10 enjoy himself. He ate
and he loafed and he slept. There
were twenty smoked hams hanglng
above him and giving out their de.
licious odor, and why should he weary
his brain trying 10 solve national prob
lens 2nHe didn't. Next morning the
widow appeared and asked him how
he would like his ham cooked for
breakfast He said he would take Il
fried and he got it that way and a
jug of fresh water with 1t. At noon
he had x boiled, and at night it was
fried again. The amount was not
stinted. There was more ham than he
had ever sat down to in his life. The
next day and the next It was the same.
On the morning Of the fourth day. how
ever, the prisoner said to his jailer:
"Widder Glenn, II you don't mind
III have taters and fried eggs for
breakfast"
But / do mind" was her reply
Here are twenty smoked hams going
to waste for the want of eating. You
dote on ham. Pitch right in" utu
"But my wife must be anxious about
me, and want to he gehng home.p p.
"Your wife knows. just where you
are, and is not at all worrledlii She
hopes you will have yourifill Of ham" j.
Bill had raw ham, boiled ham. baked
and fried ham, and he should have
reveled in the occasion. II Is human
nature to meyer be satisfied, and after
the fifth day he demanded a radical
change of diet. even II only to raw
sausage. He had not tasted OF the last
two meals.
"Oh, but you must go ahead with
ham," replied the widow. "You have
not quite finished one yet, and there
are nineteen others waiting TO be eat
en-. Your second appetite may come
back to you any minute"
"I'd like to live on old crusts OF
bread for change, ma'am."
'But I couldn't think of It, You are
visitor, YOU know, and ] should be
ashamed Of myself TO offer you crusts"
At supper that night BIZ begged for
raw turnips instead OF smoked ham.
At breakfast next morning he offered
to eat potato peelings. The widow
was firm.
"Mr Scott" she replied, IL don't
think you are at all grateful. ! am
furnishing You the incest and sweet
est smoked ham in all Herkimer coun-
ty, and yet you kick Mt IT,"
"But smoked ham for five days,
ma'am," he protested.
"But I'm giving YOU the chance Of
your lifetime. Think OF being sur
rounded with eighteen and a half
hamsw
"Hams and water ma'am"
Eyes, but I'm giving You chance to
get acquainted with water--to acquire
taste for IT,"
Ham on the sixth day, the seventh
and the eighth, The widow was bring
ing more ham when Bill Scott broke
down and said
"I'll sign the temperance pledge.
ma'ain. andlf don't keep II this time
may | be sent to prison for the re-
mainder OF my days"