Okolona messenger., 1908-03-11
ASUPPoSITIoNAL
CASE
MIR. Buddy Seeks Advice on q
Point Of Law.

upon cruLcnes, ana MS race was Gov
cred with contusions, so that he looked
as II he had emerged from terrific
conflict with an antagonist who had
won complete victory. Placing his
crutches against the table and seating
himself very carefully in the chair,
Mr.. Buddy said:
"Mr. Simms, jus dropped in to see
you to git little advice on point Of
law in which I'm interested, and I'd
be much obleeged If you'd tell me ex-
actly what my rights in the matter
are. I'll put 1t in this way: S'pose'n
you we're to marry widder, under the
idea that she was an angel-that she
was so sweet that barrel of sugar
was mere bitterness alongside Of her;
and s'pose'n after you were consoli-
dated with her you were to find out
that she had a temper like a she wild
cat, and an unconquerable custom Of
banging you over the head with skill
let's or most anything that came
handy, so that you didn't know what
minute she'd git her mad up and skeer
you pretty near to death.
Now, s'pose'n this widder and you
was to disagree about little matter
of chewing terbacker in the house and
trying to spit in the stove, and she
was to up and tell you-in your own
house, mind you-that If you KEEP aim
ing at that stove and missing it she'd
warm you up with a broom handle or
the like; and you were to say that
you'd chew where you'd a mind to, and
that while it was free country you'd
hit the stove or miss 1t, JUS as you
pleased.
"And s'posen one word brought on
rampage and come at you and tried to
snatch out your hair; while you
grabbed her by the wrists and held
her so she couldn't. And then s'posen
while you were rassling with her you
was to get the best of it SOS she
couldn't do anything but have the hys-
terics and scream and you all the time
afraid to let go lest she'd hustle you
out through the winder.
"Now, s'pose'n that widder had
dog which belonged to her first hus-
band, and would rather bite you than
not, and all Of sudden she was to
holler for that dog, and he was to
come bouncing into the room, and, see
ing the widder's situation, was to take
hold of mouthful of your right leg,
and shake it as though he was going
to bite it loose before he left; and the
widder all the time sicking him on
and encouraging him to help himself
without any regard for your feelings.
And s'pose'n when you let go of her
to tackle the dog she should bang you
with the scrubbing-brush until you
looked's If you'd been ground up in
bark-mill, and then wouldn't call off
the dog until you hollered enough.
"S'posen all this, what l want to
know is, can't you sue that wilder for
assault and battery, and get an injunc-
ton on that dog? That's what came
to see you about, whether you've got
to stand having your leg chewed and
your head smashed with scrubbing-
brush, or whether this great and free
governments going to protect its de-
fenseless citizens, l want to know how
it is"
Mr.. Simms looked very solemn for
moment, as if contemplating the prob
lem carefully, and then he said:
II don't really see that the law can
do anything in such a case Mr.. Bud
dy. If the man married the widow he
became part owner of the dog, and 1t
was, therefore, in fact his own dog
that assaulted Him. Besides that as
man and his wife are one flesh, the
widow has partnership interest In
the. mans leg, and when she set the
dog upon 1t she was really encourag-
ing the animal to mutilate her own
property. No action can lie against a
person who induces her own dog to
bite her@own leg, nor will the law give
her redress if she batters her own
head with her own hands, for the wife
who strikes her husband really strikes
herself"
"You don't mean to say" exclaimed
Mr.. Buddy in a blaze of indignation,
that that is the law of this land, OF
this very country where our forefa-
Tiers bled for liberty! You don't actu-
ally mean to tell me that red-headed
widder, with liver-colored dog, can
actually make that dog gnaw mans
leg into sausage meat while she
trounces him with club and that
he can't chuck her into Jail for 1t;
that he's got to stand up and take it?"
"I'm afraid he has, said Simms, with
sad smile.
"Well, then" said Buddy, rising and
seizing. his crutches. that just lets
me out as far as this idiotic land is
concerned I'm going to quit. II wild
ders are to be allowed to carry on as
if men had no rights I'll emigrate
and hunt up some country where en-
lightened civilization don't allow wild
ders to live. Let's see, it's India, isn't
it, where they kill the widder when
her first husband dies? Well, that's
where I'm going. I'm going by the
first boat. If stay here I'll be dead
lin a month, and so chewed up that
they'll have to bring me In pieces.