davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-22

RiteneXt has pretty active imagination
at times, and I'd get fat believing all Of
the fairy tales she tells me about her rich
relatives. Anyhow. / pretended to be in
terested in something else when the time
came for paying the check. and she had
To pay the $l.SJ, and she was as mad as a
hornet. She just ordered that expensive
luncheon with the express purpose OF
sticking me for the bill, but wasn't born
next week, and j simply was not going to
have 1t. Well. last week L met her again
downtown while 1 was shopping and
could just see the crafty CLEAN in he. eye
as soon as she caught sight of me, and of
course l knew right away that her idea
would be to inveigle me into having an
other luncheon with her and then cook
ing up some sort of a scheme to make me
pay for n-she is one of those sponges
that love TO get even, too. But did / fall
into any such a crazy trap as that? Well
L guess not. I'd no sooner caught sight
of her than / said TO myself MY dear.
that one-eighty-flve that you had to sepa-
rate yourself from is gone forever and
evermore. SO far as your ever being able
to get II out of me again is concerned, and
If you think you can-''
But the curtain was well I'D and the
chorus of "Sh-sh-sh-s." in the neiehbor-
hood of the woman with the Ratchet face
and the carroty hair was de termined and
enthusiastic, and SO the record as to what
was the outcome of Mrs. Ritenext's foxi.
ness must remain forever unchronicled.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-22

Mount Vernon every year. I know nearly
twoscore Washingtonians men and wom-
en-. who have never visited the home or
the tomb of Washington. Moreover. they
don't appear to be in the least abashed
about it. They haven't visited Mount
Vernon. and they don't see any particular
reason why they shSuld-that's their view.
Well. l don't. either. If that's the way
they like to look at it. Yet most excur-
sionlsts who come here want to visit
Mount Vernon the first thing.
THE lack of curiosity among Wash
ington women strikes me. too. with pc
culiar force Very often in Washington
during the social season there are elabo-
rate weddings at Washingtons fashion
able churches. In other cities-New York,
for example-squads of police have to be
retailed to keep back the curious wom-
en- who huddle in front of the churches
when these notable weddings are sched-
uled for the purpose Of catching sight Of
the bridal raiment.
Absolutely nothing of that sort here.
I've noticed. Washington women. barring
those who are invited. simply don't go
near the churches at such times. When
the bride and her women are in the very
act of stepping from their carriages at a
big wedding here, even the darkies on the
street will scarcely pause to have a look.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-22

there with the heaviest kind of a kicb
over the police'S giving out the story tina,
while hurtling around looking things over
Served With the Coffee.
II was Immediately tipped off as to
what had happened, and L dug up our
guest. who had thought out at random
the fictitious name las he thought, and
l advised him to vamp at once to save
bother. He drilled before the indignant
real owner of the name showed up here
to confront him.
LAS 1 started out by saying. though.
any number of men come here for their
jamborees who, when they get out TO
look the town over, never have the least
idea in life that they're not going to be
robbed of everything they've got with
them that's worth while.
''They look upon the frisking thing as
a regular part of the performance
the coffee and cigarettes of the
feed, as it were-and they don't
put up any holler at all. They drop
around to me, of course. and they say:
Well they've taken me again. but they
don't ask any advice as to what's to be
done-they're old-time "ictims and they
know all about the hopelessness of trying
to get anything back in New York
''These men don't get trimmed for jew
elry. though. more than couple of times
in their lives, for they get into the HABIT
of stripping themselves of everything of
value they've got and placing it i'm the
hotel safe before they get under way. TAX
ing with them just what they think
they're going to need in the Way of coin
Nevertheless. these complacent ones
are always taking a big risk. Even if
man has all Of his valuables except the
mere spending money sailed away in
hotel safe he's out of luck when he falls
into the hands of New York crooks. They
can do whole lot of things to him that
are likely to hurt him u 'aAy have
mind TO.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-22

"It isn't that what is called 'rubbering'
is one of the seven deadly sins in this
town. any more than ii is anywhere else
The folks simply haven't developed their
bump Of curiosity in Washington. that's
all.
Pretty nearly every night, at one of
or other of the Washington theaters the
boxes are filled with parties OF distin-
guished persons. men and women. WASH
ington audiences barely give a languid up
ward look from their programs to gaze
at these notableS.
And yet. in the final analysis Washing
tonians are not a blase folk nor do they
adopt the base pose. They are merely
indifferent. Part of this indifference too
it may be, may be attributable to climatic
influence, for the airs are pretty languor-
ouS here during a great part Of the year
The simple fact seems to be that the
Washingtonians know too much about
the props and the manipulation OF the
lights. so to speak. to extract any very
keen enjoyment of the show. Stage
hands working i'm theater where one
piece has been running for long time
can't be expected to toss their caps into
the air every night over the beauties OF
the performance. And their case is. in a
way, exactly the case. as / diagnose it, of
the Neutrality-suspicious."
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-22

~ EFT once again. at the vode-veal per-
Y Torrance, it fell the way of the
writer hereof to sit behind the
carroty-haired. hatchet-faced woman
who. using her female companion as a
megaphonic medium, sorts EN- over as
they drop in. And this time she spake
something to the following essence:
That spongy Realkute woman threw
out the broadcast kind of hint to come
along with me today. but no indeedy.
I've seen her try that old dodge of trying
to find her money TO buy the tickets too
often before. / neve- saw such a born
sponge in all my life as that woman. and
her husband isn't much better. She fixed
things so that ] had To invite her in to
dinner yesterday, and. of course, /
couldn't invite her without having her
husband, too She lives in an apartment
only Few doors from ours, you know,
and she came in with a long face yes
terday afternoon and told me q long.
doleful story about he gas range being
all cloggaG up and out of commission,
and then she shifted at the air-the deep.
foxy tiing-and she said: My, you must
be going TO have another one of those
delicious chicken stews of yours for din
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-22

written for the mornings issue by four
of the ablest and most brilliant members
OF our stan We have come TO the conclu-
sion that they might be msinteYpreted
by the authorities and regarded as an at
tack on the government. We ourselves
consider them perfectly innocent. but. az
We have no desire to see our newspaper
contiscsted. we have very unwillingly.
though. as We think. prudently. resolved
TO withhold the articles in question. This
must serve as an apology To our readers
for blank editorial page
Imagine this editors shock when his
secretary telephoaed him the next morn
ing that the paper rad been confiscated
" 'But-but on what ground?' the editor
gasped.
For malicious ridicule OF the govern
mental authorities by the omission OF the
editorials
President J. q. Schurman OF Cornell
was discussing elective college courses.
of which. i'm the freshman and sophomore
years. he disapproves
"A freshman OF sixteen or seventeen"
said President Schurman. lis too young
| TO choose for himself the courses best fo-
him. His mind is not mature enough.
1t will make mistakes
I'm its immaturity. its rroneness TO er-
ror it is like the mind of an old man in
my native Freetown. He though old,
was mentally undeveloped. and saw moth
ing wrong or ridiculous in a piece of econ
omy that he put in practice in the GENE
| terv.
The old man had lost four wives and
desired to erect for each he adstone with
an inscription commemorative OF her
wifely virtues
But inscriptions. he found. were very
| extensive. He economical in this way:
He had the Christian name of each
wife cut on small stone above her
| grave Emma Mary Hester Edith
Under each name hand pointed to
large stone in the cetner OF the lot and
under each hand were the words:
For eoitaph see large stone"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-22

of prominence in the railroad world. and
he was doing the best he knew how to
work himself into a premature grave.
The medical men had told him that three
months rest at d German water cure
was the thing for him. But he hated the
sea. and nothing could be done with him
in the way of getting him to knock off
work and make the trip.
His wife. therefore. calmly arranged
TO shanghai him. She took passage on
the steamer herself and had her husband
down to bid her goodbye, together with
lot of her friends. She told her hus-
banG that the sailing hour was an hour
Later than ii really was. Her suite was
banked up with flowers. and she had the
merry party, including her husband in
there with champagne festivities The
muSketry of the conversation drowned the
all ashore call. But the friends all Slip
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-22

strangely beautiful Library of Congress
| which 1 call. without any feeling of
temerity whatever. the most superb build
ing on the globe. Yet that building is al
ways we'll filled with visitors.
Still more curious. the Corcoran Cal
lery of Art. than which there are fewer
finer institutions of it's kind in the United
States is said to be visited by more eX-
cursionists. two to one. than by persons
who have their home in Washington.
Have you ever observed how deserted
the national museum and the Smithsonian
Institution always seem? That's some
thing that has always struck me. Even
the tourists seem to foregO those two no.
table institutions.
Yet / am told that the tourists are
almost the only visitors at those two eX-
traordinarily interesting establishments.
when 1 first came here 1 asked no
less than five Washingtonians, men who
had lived here nearly all their lives. just
where the Lincoln house was-the house
in which Lincoln died They couldn't tell
me. They have merely vague idea of
the actual loca ton of the house. Yet eX-
cursionists are visiting the relics at that
interesting house all the time.
II should like to know just the proper
ton of Washingtonians among the thou
sands and thousands of persons who visit
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-22

ner.' and then she looked sad and sweet
as she talked about the hopeless state
of her gas range some more, and, of
course. there wasn't thing in the world
for me to do but to ask her and her hus-
band to have dinner with u.s. especially
as she limited that they'd have to
take their meals at restaurant
until they could have the range attended
to. OF course I had to be nice about it,
although if there is anything in the wide
world that do abominate and despise it,
those people who sponge upon their neigh
bors.
THE worst of it was, i wasn't a chick
en- stew at all that l was cooking for din
ner and that she smelt. but some turkey
hash-I like these little picked-up meals
occasionally. although my husband hates
them-but of course / wasn't going to let
that talky Mrs. Realkute know that we
We're going to have turkey hash for din
ner, and so / had to hustle the maid out
to get stewing chicken. and there was
all kinds of scrambling to get the dinner
on time. and l never saw two human be-
ings try harder to eat themselves to
death than those two Realkute people did.
You'd think they'd never had mouthfuI
of food in all their lives.
"Oh, yes. of course. l had to tell them
that 1T always made me happy to see folks
enjoy the food at my table, but all the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-22

culean proportions. figuratively speaking.
either.
"Washingtonians simply decline to flock
to the Capitol, no matter how big mat
ter may be on in one chamber or the
other. They leave the trooping up the
hill to the great white building to the
strangers within the gates. They'll read
the nub of what goes on at the Capitol,
and comment to a certain extent upon it,
but they'll refuse to get excited, and in
that attitude. they are, l Oten think. a
great deal more fixed and poised than the
callOused Romans of the later empire.
Il observe. for another example. that
on nearly every day the Vice President of
the United States walks down Pennsyl-
vania avenue from the Capitol, accom-
panied by some senator or other. Now the
Vice President, of course. is an extremely
tall person-so tall as to make him a man
of quite unusual appearance. even forget
ting the fact that he is only one remove
from the chair of the most powerful man
in the world. Well, 1 have often seen
the Vice President making this daily
stroll along Washingtons most impor-
tant thoroughfare, and l have been as
tOnished time and again to observe that
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-22

same | like to see folks have some sort
OF manners when they are eating away
from their own homes. and there wasn't
a morsel of that chicken stew left to be
warmed over for breakfast. She ate about
twice as much as her husband did at that
and, II i had an appetite like that wOm-
ans / certainly wouldn't let people find
out about 1t. especially as she's always
trying to pose one of these eSthetic,
spiritual beings, and claims to be Bud
dhist, and is always talking about ma
hatmas and karmas ard astral bodies and
Nirvanas and other things like that that
live in horrid caves and never trim their
finger nails. and pretend that they'd solved
all the riddles. 1t looks funny 10 me to see
a woman who tries to make strangers be-
Heve that she could live on the smell of
orchids putting away enough chicken stew
to satisfy construction hand, deed it
does.
You see. these sponges have got a reg
ular little system of getting even for
little favOrs. Now, that Mrs. Realkute
has limited around for invitations to din
ner with us three times in four months
because, when my husband was out west
on business last fall for three weeks. |
took my meals with them at their apart
ment. You see, it was sort of ZONES ONE
for me to eat my meals alone in our apart
nent. and Mrs. Realkute couldn't help but
see that, and as we were pretty chummy
at that time playing cards. the four of
US, couple of times week, and all
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-22

IlTF were to be asked what charac-
teristic of the Washington.ans par
ticularly sets them apart, 1 should
say their indifference" remarked a gen.
tleman who has lived here for but a few
months. Il take it that their propinquity
TO Sreatness-and l don't say greatness in
an ironic sense-produces this indifference
Within them. They are at too close range
to get the real focus. Standing them
selves in the foreground of the picture.
they fail, so to speak. to derive the i'm
preston OF size. of spaciousness. 1t is
10 easy thing to arouse the imagination
of a native Washingtonian to an appre-
citation of the actual proportions OF men
OF the works of men. BigneSS Is their
heritage. and, as such, it becomes more or
less thing dsregarded Washingtonians
are so close to the wires of government
that they have little or no interest In
the manipulators o. those wires. For ex-
ample, representative in Congress is an
extraordinarily inconsequential figure, rel
atively speaking. in Washington, nor is a
senator of the average sort of such her.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-22

only persons who are obviously. not to
say pointedy. strangers in Washington
ever wheel in their tracks to take a second
look at the tall man. The Washington
ans themselves take a calm look at the
Vice President. perhaps remark one to
another, There goes Mr.. Fairbanks. but
that ends their interest and curiosity
They go on about their business. In any
other city in America, New York and Chi
cago, not excepted. the Vice President
of the United States couldn't possibly
stroll on a leading thorOushfare without
invoking the aid Of the police to clear a
path for him He'd be surrounded by
thousands of people who'd render his
progress all but impossible. \
"Often l notice the justices of the Su-
preme Court of the United States-all of
them. 1 think, gravely handsome men
walking down Pennsylvania avenue in
pairs and trios on fine afternoons. 1t is
fair to presume that their faces are per-
fectly well known to all Washington
persons of sufficient intelligence to read
the newspapers. And yet l never see
WashinStonians turning about to look at
these important men. Strangers do turn
about TO gaze at them-and / can tell
strangers infallibly, | ought to add. But
the WashinstOnians permit the exalted
judges to plOd their way in peace, never
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-22
ROLLING RUBES IN CARELESS MANHATTAN

teen different soft-mark SnarerS at these
places, weren't you?
"Of course. they're penitent and down
in the mouth enough to acknowledge all
this. but they invariably claim that they
got the knockout drops. 1t doesn't make
any difference, so far as concerns getting
back their stuff. whether they were staked
10 the quick-sleep stun or not. The
point Is that they were trimmed of their
junk al some dump that they hadn't the
least recollection of. and by some roller
of marks that they couldn't identify I'M
der the violet rays.
Abandoning Hope.
81 remind them, of necessity. that New
York is big place. with large. teeming
and somewhat careless population. and
when l add something about the needle
and the haystack they've got a pretty
good idea of it,
You don't believe, then. that I'll be
able to get my stuff back? is the slo "
music question that they usually wind up
by putting to me.
Nary chance on earth, is what
usually have to tell them, and then they
SLOUGH away mumbling about New York
being helluva town, where stranger
within the gates can't take step out of
his hotel without being set upon by a
pack of thieves. The chaps of this type
usually wind up by vowing and vumming
that they're through with New York for
the remainder of their natural Ii -es. all
of which is just that fast kind of breath
ing. They all come back some more If
they live and while they live.
But, as a matter of fact. the thing
isn't a particle mote satisfactory when
hn IN wi Uriaf
story has a pretty definite idea of where
he got rolled and of who did it. The
last he remembers of the whirl. he says,
he was at such and such a place, and he
was drinking with a couple of sharp-eyed
ducks who looked thus and so-he is there
with a pretty fair description Of them
While with these fellows his light went
out all Of q sudden, and he knows that
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-22

making them the target for their pivoting
Stares
Il am told by experienced doorkeepers
of both House and Senate that at least
% per cent of the persons who fill the
galleries of the two chambers. not only
On ordinary. but on extraordinary occa-
siOns. are strangers-eXcursioni to use
the doOrkeeperS' term of denOtation
II am told. again. that only strangers
make that immensely WearSome climb to
the dome of the Capitol. AS friend of
mine expressed it-he is Washingtonian
himself-if a Washingtonian were to make
that climb to the dome of the Capitol his
acuuaintances would want to have a lu-
nacv commission sit on him.
N proportion to its size Washington is
probably the leading rubberneck wagon
city of the world. There seems to be u
rubberneck wagon on every block of the
city during all the daylight hours. But
Washingtcnians do not l am informed
on the best authority. patronize them.
They derive all of their profit fran ex-
cursionists.
"A gentleman who professed to be in
formed to the facts told me that he
would be willing to wager Il substantial
sum, could the thing actually be proven.
that not one-sixth of the white residents
of Washington have ever visited the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-22
T

the big man of the line, who made an
agreeable figure and a humorous one
wailing around thus rugged.
1T isn't any unusual thing, either, for
men who go down to the docks to see
their friends off to be kidnapped by their
friends and taken along. l know of at
least four such kidnapings that happened
last summer In all four cases the kid
mapped men-they were all of middle age
were really glad of it after they'd got
their bearings and had become used to
the idea that their business wouldn't go
to the dogs withoud them at the helm.
They were all overTorked men in a big
way of business who needed rest and
change, and their friends knew it. So
their friends delibera tely kidnapped them.
A couple OF summers, ago a woman kid
mapped her husband on board steamer of
d line / represeE: Jte was and is man
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-22

time. But the big man of the line couldn't
be got to a state of more than half con-
seriousness. He was huge man who
weighed more than 300 pounds, and when
he slept lie slumbered all over. He had
most astonishing big head when he
finally came to at noon, long after the
steamer had passed Sandy Hook, and he
wanted to know who'd shanghaied him
and all that, but he took the thing good
naturedly and made the most of it. The
great difficulty was in fixing him out in
clOthes-he'd boarded the steamer. as l
say in his evening clothes, and a man
can't prowl about an ocean steamer for
five or six days in that sort of a rig
1t happened that the chief engineer of the
steamer WAS giant of a man. 300
FOUNDER himself. who had several nice
clean suits of dungarees with him, and
he freely loaned his spare dungarees to
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-02-22

looking chaps. guests OF the house, who
want to be staked to a bit OF advice. and
the frisk thing is always the burden OF
their lamentations. Not that they lament
SO anybody else can hear them. They're
careful not to do that.
Lacking Locality.
Nope, they just can't remember where
their frisking took place. 1t may have
been at this place or it may have been at
that one but they haven't got the exact
picture of the address in their heads. or
course they're as sore as butchers over it
those l mean, who don't come TO New
York with the most perfect confidence
that they're going to get rolled sooner or
later, that is. They tell me that it's a
dickens Of a town where a man can't pop
in few drinks and go out for a little
whizz just to lop of few of the gray
edges Of life. and so forth and so on-a
whole string like that or similar to it.
If the chap who comes to me with this
sort of a narrative of woe has only
vague sort of an idea as to where and
how he was frisked and as to who went
through him, there's nothing on earth to
be done for him. And. as a matter of
of what has happened to them. They I'M
reel, of course, the names of whole lot
of places where they remember having
been on the previous night. Most of the
places are joints where they had no
right on earth to be unless they were
drinking vichy and milk poured out of the
original packages right under their own
eye. And the dickens of it is. they all
know this perfectly we'll, and they have
everything you've got to say about it all
discounted in advance.
WE'LL / tell them when they uncoil it
in this indefinite way. you've named
about nine places all of them the tough
est of the tough and the worst ever, that
you blew into last night and this morn
ing, and of course you were probably
drinking with about hundred and four