The daily tribune., 1908-10-31
Deacon Fosters
Grab Bag
Il was . Big Surprise to All prssent

I y
| had just hidden the cheese and put
tho cracker barrel behind the counter
In anticipation OF the usual Saturday
night crowd. when Sam Stiles saun.
| tered in with his molasses jug and
kerosene can.
Hello, Sam" cried the proprietor
in glad hand voice. "How's things
down your way? BY ther way. Sam
what was goin' on at ther church fair
Foster got all excited like an said thet
while prayin' was all right there was
times when it wouldn't MI ther bill
like good ole cussin.'?"
He WIS goin' some" answered Sam
with reflective smile. and fer a
while everybody was kind o feared
tibet he would bust ther harness or
dish wheel Ye see ther deacon is
| full O schemes fer collectin' money
fer ther church, an when 1t was kind
o noised around the he was goin' ter
spring aomethin' new at ther fair
everybody hiked fer ther town hall.
| Purity soon ther deacon come in
| with his new scheme, which looked
for all the world like two-bushei
bag o. pertaters. an after ther par.
| son had made few remarks fer ther
benefit o their sinners what was still
| holdln' back. ther deacon stepped up
| on ther platform.
Dear brothers an beloved sisters,
said he In his hoss tradin' voice 1
| hev arranged somethin new fer your
| edifcation an pleasure an hev every
reason ter believe thet it will be ther
| sensation o ther evening In this bag
are several carefully wrapped pack
| ages, an fer ther small sum o. five
conts ye Will be permitted ter grab
| any one ye like, which O. course must
| be opened in full view O. ther audi
ence. All ther packages is useful as
we'll as ornamental, an some O. them
will make ye feel like claspin' hands
an singfn' songs o praise. Now then.
who will be the first to take a pack
age from ther grab bag?'
"All hands kind O. baked basfful.
like fer while, but purity son 81
Gimp was coaxed ter start ther game
and from ther gingerly way thet he
| picked out one o ther packages ye
| might hev thought he was monkeyin
with a hornets nest. 81 wouldn't open
| 1t, an Mandy, thinkin' thet it might
be candy, got on ther job herself In
| jes two seconds she had ther paper
| tore on, an instead o candy she found
she had nursin' bottle like mother
used ter use. First she blushed,
then she turned red, and then she
blushed again.
In ther meantime ther Ladies' aid
acted as If they was shocked, an ther
parson glanced at ther deacon an said
he was surprised Their deacon said
| he was surprised. too, an offered a
pan o scrapple when he killed hogs
to anyone who would tell him how
ther nursin' bottle got inter the bag
Nobody made bid fer ther pan O.
scrapple. an when ther deacon had
argued himself inter good standin'
agin an Mandy found she wasn't hall
as mad NJ she thought she was, the
grab bag game went on. Their parson
put up ave cents an made a grab, an
- did one O. ther Ladies' aid an Dave
Sleeper. All three O them started
ter open ther packages at the same
time, an when ther returns was count.
ed ther parson had half pint O.
whisky, ther Ladies aid sister had a
deck O. cards. an Dave Sleeper had q
lot o poker chips.
We'll, sir ye jes oughter seen thet
crowd. Their nursin' bottle was bad
enough. but half pints an poker was
exceedin ther speed limit, an' ther
way them distracted sisters tried to
throw 10-horse power faint on Ave
pounds o steam was sight ter see,
even II ye had ter take a knothole in
ther fence instead o. ther grandstand.
Them thet wasn't tryin' ter faint was
maxim noise thet sounded like big
talk. One o them was marchin'
around like George Washington. an.
other was smellin o. ther parson' 3
half pint ter see II It was ther real
stun. an still another was tellin' her
husband what she would do ter the
, deacon's face II she was man.
As soon rs he was able to move
without help ther parson made an.
other dive fer ther grab bag without
putin up ther nickel an out come
more chips. more cards an another
half pint or two. Then the parson
had q few things ter say thet didn't
include ther Doxology or Benediction,
an told the deacon In plain words
thet he was bum citizen to talk
about savin' sinners, This made ther
deacon ms hot as the middle OF Au.
gust.
He declared thet what he put in the,
bag waA Testaments. candy, an that
some dod-blasted heather thet he was
goin' to wallup first an fergive after.
ward. had played a Joke on him. With
his coat of an sleeves rolled up. ther
deacon WAS SO coDvlncin' thet ther
! parson and Ladies' aid believed what
he told them. an les as soon as he
had been taken back Inter tber fold
an called dear brother agin'. he pick.
| ed up fence slat and started ter