The Appeal., 1908-05-09

A FEW STORIES

CluDS.s lie was taught the game at st.
Andrews thirty years ago by Professor
TAFT, who said, "You don't play golf
with your muscles; you play with your
morals" IT hope" added Sir Oliver,
after telling the story, mo one will con-
slider my morals are as bad as my
golf.''
+S-:$:
Matter Of Money.
A returning sportsman was met by
"a friend who explained, "Halloa, old
man, had any $luck shooting?" ST
should say I have" replied the other;
"shot seventeen ducks in one day"
Were they wild 2" asked the friend,
interested in the s1eat. 'sWell-no-not
exactly" responded the sportsman, "but
the farmer who saWned them was
Not His Fault.
A first grade boy brought perfect
spelling papers home for several weeks,
and then suddenly began to miss five
and six out of ten.
"How is this son p asked his father.
Teachers fault" replied the boy.
"How is it the teachers fault? 2"
"She moved the boy that sat next
to me-
His Winning Hand.
Sir John Easthope was playing whist
in Paris and his opponents partner
was Lady ;Wyettville. a sharp active
old woman Of oyer eighty. She re-
voked, and Sir John. rising in his
chair, rasped out with anger, MADAME,
you are a cheat!" Her ladyship's eyes
flashed fire, and she rose from her
chair; but before anything else could
be done Sir John, who had quickly re-
covered his coolness, said, Eyes. ma
dame, you cheat abominably, and in
the course of a long life I have''-lay-
ing his hand upon his heart-"i "invari-
ably noticed that the handsomer a
woman is the more she cheats at
cards."
::-.-.
: The Spinal Cord.
A governess in. giving physiological
lecture to some oard-school children
asked, What is the spinal cord?" II
know, miss; the spinal cord is what
runs down all the way Of you with
your head on top and your legs at the
end
Seasonable.
Little Johnny was going to school
when he met the local clergyman.
'Well, Johnny, off to school? How
are you getting on?" asked the rev
erend gentleman. Zine, SIR do
you know the seasons yet Johnny?" II
think so. They are are - are .
Johnny, Johnny" exclaimed the cler-
gyman in panied surprise; there's
spring, summer, autumn. and winter.
Didn't you know that? Now what
season is this?" Johnny's face cleared
Immediately as n answered. sThe
football season, sir"
Self f-Interest.
A real estate firm had lots for sale in
a new suburban addition. The young,
enthusiastic member was writing the
advertisement, eloquence flowing from
his pen. He urged intending purchasers
to seize the passing moment.
Napoleon not only met the opportu-
nifty, he created it,"
The senior partner read this line In
the advertisement slowly and carefully.
'This fellow Napoleon" he observed
quizzically, whats the use Of adver-
Using him with our money!"
t.. -
Wanted Glory Divine.
Il want cents worth of glory divine" "
said a flaxen- haired tot, looking in
tently at the clerk of drug store.
Everybody within hearing of the in
fantile voice either laughed or smiled,
while Mr.. Brown, the druggist, looked
serious and appeared to be thinking.
"Are you sure it is glory divine you
want" he asked the little one.
"Yes, sir" was the prompt response.
For what does your mother want
it," was the next question.
ITO throw it around the room and in
the back yard" said the little tot in
nocently.
Isn't it chlorcde of lime she wants ?''
asked the drug man.
The little girl nodded her assent.
Garb for Grooms.
Not long ago a large clothing house
in New York received a letter from the
remote Southwest to this effect:
What is the proper dress for a
groom in the afternoon?'
The clerk who opened the mail re-
ferred the inquiry to the livery depart
ment, and the head of that department
dictated brief reply:
Bottle green coat, fawn- colored
trousers, with top boots, silk hat and
coclkade. We can make you prices"
In about a week came plaintive
note:
Il always knew it was expensive tc
get married. but can't you suggest
something a little less elaborate ?'
No Danger.
One day recently there entered the
Office of a Philadelphia real estate man
tattered and forlorn girl Of fourteen
or thereabout, who sided up to his
desk with memorandum book in he1
hand.
Ordinarily the Philadelphia is the
politest of persons, but this day he was
so busy that he knew not which way. tc
turn. So, with swift glance from the
corner of his eye, he said rather sharp
ly, We'll, what do you want?''
Mister, please buy a chance on oul
go cart pleaded the girl, hesitatingly
Your go-cart!" repeated the real es-
tate man, who is bachelor. What or
earth could I do with a go-cart, even il
I should get it?'
"Oh, you won't get it, mister
breathlessly came from the girl
Please buy a chance" 2"
Taking His Measure.