davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-21
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
[From the Chicago News.l


A wagging tongue opens the way for
a lot of trouble.
Don't be camel. always going
around with your back up.
Some peoples only object in life
seems to be to start something.
Many a mans ship doesn't come in
because he failed to start 1t.
Appearances may be deceitful, but
disappearances are more convincing.
Most men start out with good inten-
lions, but somebody hands them trans
fers.
Ever notice how the other fellow
happens to have your umbrella when
it rains?
And many a man doesn't let his right
hand know that what it gives is grab
bed back by his left.
# a woman hasn't anything else to
worry about she proceeds to acquire
an ailment Of some kind.
Occasionally a woman puts her best
foot forward for the purpose OF tread
ing on some mans heels.
When man can't find something he
wants around the house, he begins to
accuse his wife of meddling with his
affairs.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-21
QUAKER AfEDITATToNs.
[From the Philadelphia Record. ]

LF'rom the Philadelphia Record
Don't count your chickens before
they are in the pot
A man can wear a crash suit with
out being a loud dresser.
1t isn't the law of gravitation that
causes a clock to run down.
The average woman is apt to tell all
she knows, and then some.
1t is human nature to feel sorry for
the people who don't like us.
The Biblical injunction to spare the
rod doesn't appeal to the fisherman.
A man is sometimes away on wher
he claims that distance lends enchant-
ment to the view.
This is not my long suit" remarked
the whist playing woman as she put
on her rainy day skirt.
Hoax-"The sailor always believes in
calling spade a spade" Joax-"Then
why does he call ship a-hoy7"
No. Maude dear; we have never
heard that Wall street was SO called
because it has sent so many men to
the wall.
I'VE should all respect gray hairs"
admonished the Wise Guy. AT tho
same time it isn't absolutely necessary
to throw bricks at a bald head" added
the Simple Mug.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-21


knew it." Then looking down at hei
closely. he asked, Who's the man in
the locket?''
Let me go and I'll. Tess up
begged Edith. but being good bust
ness man. Upton argued that posses
sion was nine points of the law.
We'll. I was reading the Love
Affairs of Great Mem the other day.
and the Princess Something or other
was in love with the King of Some
place, and she wanted to find out If he
loved her. So she put the picture of
the Prince of Some other place in her
locket and dropped 1t where the king
would find it. That made him jeal-
Gus and then she knew that he loved
her. So I took a picture of my
cousin, Billy Judson. out of the family
album, and cut it to fit my 1ocket-
and-that's ALL finished Edith lame
ly.
We'll, Billy Judson should be re-
warded,' said Upton between the
hearty laughs that followed this ex-
PLANTATION. Wen have him for best
man. and give him a standing invita-
ton for dinner every Saturday night"
copyrighted. 1908, by Associated
Literary Press.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-21
RUSSIAN REvoLUTIoN1srs.

Nothing, perhaps, better illustrates
the earnestness of those revolutionists,
or patriots. of Russia, who are con-
tinually making trouble in that coun-
try, than the fact that even after be-
ing sent to the Siberian prisons, anS
released, or escaping. they return to
their work of spreading the revolu-
tionary propaganda with increased en-
thusiasm. A book, Heroes and
Heroines of Russia" has lately been
written by Jaakoff Perlooker, a noted
Russian author and lecturer, which
deals with these, revolutionists, and
their thrilling adventures, particularly
their service in and escapes from Rus
sian prisons of one kind or another.
He tells of one prisoner who was sem
fenced to death, the sentence later be-
ing communted to- life Imprisonment.
This man was placed in a Russian
prison. from which no prisoner ever
escaped, but he did, coming out con-
cealed in a barrel of picked cabbage.
-Atchison Globe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-21
GLOBE SIGHTS.
LFrom the Atchison Globe.l

What has become of the old-fash-
toned woman who took pie to pic
nic2
Poor man! he is bored to death to
buy tickets to amateur entertainments,
and then bored to death when he at
tends.
There are a number of cases in Atch-
ison where the oldest daughter in the
family has more trouble and RESPONSE
bility on her shoulders than her moth
er. Such daughter would be a good
woman to steal
An Atchison woman had a baby to
care for one morning recently, and
the baby was teething: big ironing,
peaches to put up, catsup to make,
dinner to prepare, and all the house
work to do. and she had also, in adj
dition to all this, Only One Pair of
Hands.
Every summer, somewhere inthe
world, a woman puts up blackberries,
Strawberries, cherries, peaches, etc,
working from early to late. Then af-
ter she has done her share. the shelf
IN the cellar falls. and everything is
done his share.
This is the tale of an old-fashioned
woman. Her husband. who had ac-
cumulated wealth as the years went
by, and had begun to take life easy,
worried because his wife worked as
d
within two weeks found his wife wait
ing on the cook. Then he hired a
maid to wait on the cook. and a short
time afterward found his wife wait
ing on the maid. At one time he had
hired four persons, man, a cook, the
maid and a scrub woman, and found
that his wife worked as hard as ever.
(This is an explanation of why a GER
tain man sits on the front porch and
reads and smokes while his wife who
has earned equal right to rest, is scrub
bling in the kitchen. She is enjoying
herself in her way, just as much as
he is in his)
The front yard of the average Amer
lean house is very neat, as a rule, but
in the alley back of the kitchen may
be found many evidences of lack OF
neatness. In the average American
home you will find a very neat parlor,
but the kitchen and the sleeping rooms
where the people live, are not equally
neat. 1t would be a remarkably good
thing If people gave more attention to
their cellars. which are often foul, and
breed disease. The contagious which
carry off the children often originate
in the cellars, and back yards. We
would not advise less attention to the
parlors, on the center tables OF which
will usually be found handsomely
bound copies of Lucille" but more
attention to the cellar, the kitchen, and
the back yard.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-21
KANSAS CoAAENT
THE MoNEYLEss MAN.

Few and short were the prayers he
said, and he breathed not word of
sorrow, as the restaurant "bouncer
seized him by the coat collar and
kicked him so zealously that he looked
like high fly. He landed in the mid
die OF the street, where the v1trlhed
bricks were worn and rough, and COW
cred him with bruises and Commissions.
1t happened in st. Louis the other
day. The victim had been trying to
find work, and had no success; he had
been turned out of his room, because
he couldn't pay. rent; he had eaten
nothing for two days, and he was des-
perate. So he went into a cheap
restaurant and called for liver and
bacon and cup of coffee. After eat
ing these viands, and all the bread and
pickles and ketchup on the table, ne
went to the cashier and explained that
he had no money.
Il was starving" said he; IF you
will trust me until 1 get work. I'll
bring the first money I earn to pay for
this meal"
The cashier held up one finger of
his left hand, and crossed 1t with one
finger of his right. 1t was the grand
hailing sign to the bouncer That
functionary stepped blithely up, with
the results outlined above.
The moneyless man felt that
crime had been committed. He COM
planned to a passing policeman, and
insisted that justice be done. The
passing policeman invited him TO flee
from the wrath to come. "Chase
yourself, or I'll run you in said the
officer Then he went to a lawyer, and
the lawyer was interested until he
confessed that he had no money, when
the janitor was summoned, and he
went downstairs on his head. He re-
paired to the police headquarters. and
his narrative made such an impress
sion upon the desk sergeant that he
was locked up on a charge of vagrancy
and the next morning drew sixty days.
This little true story is valuable only
as showing how little chance the man
who is down and out has against him;
his misfortunes appeal to nobody:
starving, he is grudged meal, and
after being kicked and manhandled
for trying to save his own life, the
authorities assure him that he got
nothing more than was coming to him.
Still, as the poet says, there's well
come above for the moneyless man.
EmpOria Gazette.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-21
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Because a man has more money
than brains that's no sign he IS
wealthy.
\
Among the real agonies of the world
that women never tell about are tight
shoes.
x
When a man rnarries a widow the
chances are he has not acted volun-
tarily but has been drafted.
X x
With the true philosophers of the
world should be classed the married
men who do not wish they were not.
X y
The man who can demonstrate that
two can live as cheaply as one is en-
titled to foremost place among finan-
ciers.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-21

According to the New York Tribune
there is no senator on the rolls of the
New York legislature who is named j.
b. Davis This is the gentleman who
was in Topeka recently, posing as a
state senator in New York. and who
delivered himself of interviews to the
effect that Mr.. Bryan was showing
great strength in that state. Travel
ing men are ever noted for perpetrating
an occasional joke.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-21
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
From the New York Press.l

IT IOIII lIIe NEW I OF K TItSS.I
What makes a woman proud of her
husband is for him to be of her.
A mans idea Of politics is his party
would be rotten If it were the other
sides.
Men are all cut off the same piece of
cloth. but women trim them up to seen
different.
The more you expect in this world the
more you can go on doing it without
getting it.
A girl likes novels with dukes in thsln
so that when one falls in love with her
it will seem as If she had had them all
her life.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-21

Some more bad news for denizens of
the forests of Africa comes from Oyster
Bay. Mike Donovan. the boxer. was a
caller at Sycamore Hill the other day.
He looked the nations chief executive
over and found him to be in fine
physical condition and in no need of
any special training for the great
hunting trip.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-21

actually laughed when it was read to
them. This platform was written by.
the leaders opposed to Hughes. But
Governor Hughes is the kind of man
who does not need a platform to help
him to success. And if he was only
yindictive he could certainly make life
miserable for the New York Republican
bosses who held themselves up to ridi-
cule by their fight against Hughes.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-21

A pertinent question these days is:
Where did Mr.. Hearst get the letters
from the vice president of the Stan
dard Oil company to Senator Foraker,
and also other letters of a private
character between other individuals
which he is using with such effect on
the stump? It's not reasonable to sup
pose that the men taking part in
these correspondences gave up the
letters voluntarily to him.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-21

The increase of 2Os in the number Of
children enrolled in the schools this
year over the enrolment OF a year ago
is only another indication of the
growth of Topeka. Evidences OF this
are to be found on every hand and
especially in the remarkable activities
in the building line.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-21

Maybe Governor Haskell. of Okla
homa, is not authorized by precedent
to nominate members for the National
Ananias club. But he has certainly
given the necessary endorsements to
qualify William Randolph Hearst for
a life membership in that distinguish
ed organization
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-21

The news conveyed by the reports
of the condition Of affairs in the COM
mercial and financial worlds during
the past week are of the cheering va
riety. The improvement in business
in all lines is general, and, as might
be expected, the best reports eman-
ate from the west.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-21

Senator Beveridge, of Indiana, has
had a real job cut out for him. He's
been selected by the Republican ma
tional campaign managers to make a
trip from ocean to ocean to make po-
litical speeches in reply to those that
Mr.. Bryan is scheduled to make.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-21
Two-Term Vice Presidents.

New York is about to honor its
first governor as an American state,
and the body of George Clinton.
which had lain in the Congressional
cemetery, Washington, for ninety-six
years, was exhumed last week to be
removed to Kingston, where a tardy
memorial to this buried merit is soon
to be dedicated. George Clinton is
not familiar name to the people of
today, but in his prime he was
power, and stood well up toward the
head of American public men of the
second class. He was a general in the
Revolution at the same time that he
was the governor of New York,
whose capital was then Kingston.
For almost twenty years he held
the governorship. and was not only
prominently mentioned for the presi-
dency, but received seven electoral
votes for that office. He died in his
second term as vice president, and
was one of three men who have been
twice elected to that place, the others
being Daniel D. Tompkins, of New
York, and Calhoun, of South
Carolina.
George Clinton. whose fame has
been eclipsed by that of his brilliant
nephew, De Witt Clinton, cannot be
classed with Calhoun, who was a
mighty intellect, but he was superior
to Tompkins, who was a common
place politician.
II Is O1IIlcult TO draw any con-
clusion as to the popular estimate of
the vice presidency in the earlier days
from the reelection of Clinton,
Tompkins, and Calhoun, they were so
different in character and abilities.
Clinton was powerful politician,
who carried with him the prestige of
his services to the patriot cause in
the Revolution. Hence, it may be
inferred that many who voted for him
thought him worthy of yet higher
honors. Tompkins cannot, however,
have been reckoned in his own time
as the peer of Monroe, with whom
he served.
1t is doubtful if Calhoun's powers
impressed his contemporaries in
1925, when he first took the oath as
vice president, to the same extent as
they did a few years later, but as
Stunning that some fore-glimpse of
them reached the electorate, we are
still left to the conclusion that the
popular estimate of the place oscil-
lated between regarding it as a
solatium for disappointed ambitions
and as an understudy for the presi-
dency.-Boston Transcript.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-21

The New York state Democratic
ticket ought to be eminently satixfac-
tory to the Republicans of the EN-
pire state inasmuch as Mr.. Chanler.
who is the Democratic candidate for
governor has in times past publicly
expressed his approval of Governor
IJughes
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-21

Democratic enthusiasts should not
become unduly elated because of the
mobs of thousands that turned out
to greet and hear Mr.. Bryan during
his recent visit to New York city. The
crowds were just as big when Mr..
Bryan went to New York city while
he was making his first and second at
tempts to land the presidency.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-21

There are many excellent provisions
in the state pure food law but one of
the best of them is that which prohibits
grocerymen from displaying fruits and
vegetables in front of their places OF
business. In such places these articles
are subject to all the filth of the
streets. A rigid enforcement of this
section OF the law, which DR.. Crum-
bine, the secretary of the state board
of health promises, is most desirable.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-21

1t will be remembered that just be-
fore the Democratic national conven-
ton, Herman Ridder. the prominent
New York German editor, was so con-
WINGED that Mr.. Bryan stood no show
Of being elected that he stopped~off at
Lincoln. Neb.. and strongly urged Mr..
Bryan not to be a candidate for the
Democratic presidential nomination.
Now Mr.. Ridder is saying in his great
paper, the New York Stats Zeitung.
that Mr.. Bryan's chances for election
are wonderful He has already prophe-
sled that Mr.. Bryan will sweep the
west and he thinks that he will carry
New York, New Jersey and some New
England states.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-21

The platform adopted by the New
York Republicans in their recent state
convention, when public opinion with
the help of President Roosevelt forced
the denomination Of Governor Hughes.
Endorses the Hughes administration in
language so cold that the delegates
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-21

ted. is out of the question. Thus an
other war scare ends and Richmond
Pearson Hobson will have to find some
thing else to talk about.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-21
PERMANENT HONIE
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

The State Journal is a member of the
Associated Press and receives the full day
telegraph report of that great news or
ganization for the exclusive afternoon
publication in Topeka.
The news is received in The State Jour
nal building over wires for this sole pur-
pose.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-21
HUNOR OF THE Day

What will happen when women ruler
Among other things. presume father-in-
law Jokes will come into style."-Louis-
vile Courier-Journal.
Jaek-Why didn't you bow to Henry just
now? ,Jim-Whats the use? He knowsi
know hinn.-Harvard Lampoon.
"Ah. the dear duchess,' Interesting, no
doubtT Intensely. You should hear her
abuse America. louisville Courier-Jour-
nal.
How would you use your sword" ask
ent feinted?" Tickle him with the point,
Sergeant" answered the resourceful re-
cruit promptly, Ito see if he was sham
ming. '-London Globe.
Yes, he's near-sighted. Says he can't
distinguish faces so feet away" II don't
he has had no trouble in recognizing me
clear across the street, and then lodging
round the corner. Plain DEAF
er.
The rich bankers daughter has given
living '-Meggendorper Blaetter
And what do you think Of the engage
ment ring 1 sent your" ITS splendid.
It's the most beautiful one that 1 ever re-
ceived.'-London Tattler.
Your partner" remarked the privileged
friend. Seems to be a man Of unusually
good judgment" You bet he is" replied
the self acknowledged brains of the arm.
asking my advice."-Chicago News.
Clara-Tn give you conundrum why
is man like carpet? Toni give 1t up.
Clara-Well. he's no sooner down than
people walk all over him. Tom-Oh.
psha.wi Man is totally unlike CARPET at;
he is to get the shake.-Illustrated Bits.
That Catches Them.--"How do you
make such handsome profits, Mr.. Eisen-
heimer?" Simplest thing in the world;
MT. Brown. WIN you Klnoiy explain;
Certainly. I always sell below cost. -
Cleveland Leader.
Might Be Interested.-'My friend said
the man in the black frock coat. can
get you interested in the upliftF Of
what?' inquired the man in the red vest.
DE ld."-Louisville Courier-Journal.
All One to Hin1-"Colonel, one OF the
prophets says the world L. vii con some to an
end this year: Let III. sac me Coi one.
stitution.
Leap Year Ethics.--A young lady should
how?" by letting him call when she
doesn't mean to propose."-W ashington
Herald.
Ideas Unnecessary.-And what do you do
when you run out of ideas for jokes? The
Humorist II write poems.-Cleveland
Leader.
A mans oninion of us helps wonderfully
in making an estimate OF him.-Nashville
American.
The Latest Plea.-Tess-That beggar-
woman's fraud. What did she ask you
for? Jess-She said: PLEASE give me
few pennies. I'm Just dying for a chocolate
sundoe. You know how It is yourself
Philadelphia Press.
Old Chap-Yes. sir. I'm ninety-three
next birthday, and don't recollect ever
telling a lie. Young MAXWELL. you can't
expect your memory to be very reliable at
that age.-Nashville American.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-21
Bulldog Has Bank Account.

Bluff" is the richest bulldog in Chi
cago. He inherited a fortune of 1000
yesterday. So Bluff will live in
peace and comfort all the rest of his
days
William E. Butts, a wealthy resident
of the South Side, who owned Bluff -
died recently. In his will he provided
that piece of real estate which Mr..
Butts valued at 200 be sold. He di-
rected that the proceeds of this sale be
used to purchase a small grave stone
to mark the resting place of himself
and wife and the remainder be devoted
to the maintenance of his pet bull
terrier.
Mr.. Butts will was admitted to pro-
bate before Judge Charles S. Cutting
yesterday. AS the result of the odd
provision in the will one of the execu-
tors first acts will be to auction off
the real estate. Then, following out
Mr.. Butts last testament, he will pur-
chase a modest grave stone, probably
costing $50. The remainder he will
place in bank to the name of Bluff"
So Bluff" will be not only the
wealthiest bulldog in the city. but, as
far as is known, the only dog in the
world with a bank account of its own.
A little bank book will be issued in the
name of Bluff" and checks against the
will be signed Bluff by the
administrator of the estate, who will
look after ''Bluff's' future.
reached the age dignity and embonpoint
when he wags his tail only after ma
ture elaboration, and enjoys nothing
SO much as good dinner and a quiet
siesta in the sun. If he rounds out the
average life of a bulldog he may live
five years yet. He will be able to spend
about $500 a year before his fortune
disappears. BLUR will live like a
canine aristocrat until he dies.-Chi-
cago Inter-Ocean.
Snake and Squirrel in Mortal Combat
A story from McComb this morn
ing may cause President Roosevelt
to cry mature fake" but that will
not detract from its truth. On the
farm of Lewis Crew a tree snake, 4
feet 6 inches long, gave battle to a
squirrel, which was only ended by
Farmer Crew shooting his snakeship
with his trusty.
Mr.. Crew was sitting in the house
behind closed doors, when he heard
his pet squirrel making a queer
spot whence the sound came and saw
the snake and the squirrel doing fierce
battle thirty feet from the ground.
The squirrel was sitting on its
launches. and as the snake would
strike the squirrel would strike back
with its paws.-Findlay. o., dispatch
to Cincinnati Enquirer.
The Hoop Snake.
The universe is eager to hear what
President Roosevelt has to say on any
and all subjects. But is he really up
on snakes? By nature he is down on
them. What does he know of the hoop
snake of the south? Thousands of men
could be presented to him who would
swear to the existence OF such a Great
ure. 1t forms itself into a hoop, when
offended, by taking it's tail into its
mouth, and chases its enemy by roll
ing along the highway at terrific speed.
If the enemy hides behind a tree this
wonderful serpent, going too fast to
turn aside strikes the trunk with such
force as to bury its spiked tail in the
bark This anchorage renders it help
less and the enemy either escapes or
kills MI Hoople.-NeY York Press.