Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1908-03-03
humorous department.
After Dinner Jests.

People like nonsense after dinner.
They like anecdotes. The best OF
anecdotes is that they need have
nothing to do with the subject l
know a man who keeps about half a
dozen anecdotes always in stock. He
can make one or an other of them fit
any particular toast. | heard him
propose 1.-The Army and Navy" lie
said that some people took a gloomy
view of our national defenses. For
himself, he was an optimist. 1t was
always best to look at the bright side
of everything.
That reminds me-" he said, 'of
my friend Jones-JOnes of BALKAN.
His motto is that there is always
something to be thankful for. His
wife is not of such a cheerful dispo-
sition. She is often annoyed at Jones
optimism.
"One day they were dining at a
restaurant, and they had placed be-
fore them a very tough piece of veal.
There said Mrs. Jones, now
think it would puzzle even you to find
ANYTHING to be thankful for in that
piece of veal
Mot a bit of it, said Jones, 1 was
lust at that moment thinking how
fortunate it was that we happened to
meet it when it was young.
Some time afterward l was at
another dinner. 1t was the dinner OF
a scientific society. This same man
was present again, and he was put up
to propose the toast of Success to
Aerial Navigation"
This is a tremendous question 10
deal with" he said, but we must
make the best of things, and l hope
Won will bear with me while | try TO
make the best of il. 1t is such tough
subject that it reminds me OF the
piece Of veal which was placed before
my friend Jones-Jones of Balham
And out came the story of Jones OF
BALKAN again; and it was quite hit.
So much so that he followed it up
with another
This story about the veal, he
said, reminds me of an anecdote
which has not so intimate a connec-
ton with my subject, but if man
may not wander when dealing with
aerial navigation, when may he wan
der?"
Whereat the men of science gave
encouraging cheers, and said 60
on" for after dinner" makes the
whole world kin, and it is just as safe
TO play with the lions of learning
when they have been we'll fed as with
any of the inferior animals.
This story" he said, shows the
danger of wandering, especially in
flight of eloquence. 1 knew clergy
man who had the gift of tiuency and
always preached eXtempore. He got
carried away sometimes by his de-
sire TO make the very most of his sub
ject.
He was preaching about the prod
igal son, and he had come to the fat
ted calf.
This calf, my friends, said the
preacher, was no ordinary calf. This
calf, forsooth, was a fatted calf. And
mark you, it was no ordinary fatted
calf. This calf, my friends, had been
fatted up for years, and years and
years."
Here is another dinner story: TWO
men, who had been dining so well
that they could see twice as much as
two ordinary men, were rather i'm
prudently walking home by the canal
bank. Very soon one of them fell into
the water. This sobered him to some
extent and he began TO yell out at the
top of his voice:
Hi, hi! Help, help! 1 can't swim!
Help! 1 can't SWIM
The other man, who had gone down
on his knees on the bank, and was
irving to steady himself by holding
tightly to a tuft of grass, surveyed his
struggling friend with a CLASSY stare.
II can't sh-wim, either he sald'
but 1 don't make such b-b-bloom-
ing fuss about it."-New York Press.