Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1908-05-14
A SUPP0SlTIOHAL
CASE
MIR. Buddy Socks Advice on /.
Point Of Law.

Buddy. Mr.. Buddy entered the Office
cred with contusions, 80 that he looked
as if he had emerged from a terrific
conflict with an antagonist who had
won complete victory. Placing his
clutches against the table and seating
himself very carefully in the chair,
Mr.. Buddy said:
Mr.. Simms. JUS dropped in to see
you to git a little advice on a point of
law in which I'm interested, and I'd
be much obleeged If you'd tell me ex-
actly what my rights in the matter
are. III put 1t in this way: S'pose'n
you were to marry wilder, under the
idea that she was an angel-that she
was 80 sweet that barrel of sugar
was more bitterness alongside of her;
and s'pose'n after you were consoli-
dated with her you were to find out
that she had a temper like a she wild
cat, and an unconquerable custom Of
banging you over the head with skill
lets or most anything that came
handy, so that you didn't know what
minute she'd git her mad up and skeer
you pretty near to death.
Now. s'pose'n this wilder and you
was to disagree about little matter
pf chewing terbacker in the house and
trying to spit in the stove, and she
was to up and tell you-in your own
house, mind you--that If you KEEP aim
Ing at that stove and missing it she'd
warm you UP with a broom handle or
the like; and you were to say that
you'd chew where you'd mind to, and
that while it was free country you'd
hit the stove or miss 1t, JUS as you
pleased.
And s'pose'n one word brought on
another, until she got on a terrific
rampage and come at you and tried to
snatch out your hair; while you
grabbed her by the wrists and held
her so she couldn't. And then s'pose'n
was to get the best of it SOS she
couldn't do anything but have the hys-
terics and scream and you all the time
afraid to let go lest she'd hustle you
out through the winder
Now, s'pose'n that wilder had
dog which belonged to her first hus-
band, and would rather bite you than
not, and all of a sudden she was to
holler for that dog, and he was to
come bouncing into the room, and, see
ing the widder's situation, was to take
hold Of a mouthful of your right leg,
and shake it as though he was going
to bite it loose before he left; and the
wilder all the time sticking him on
and encouraging him to help himself
without any regard for your feelings.
And s'pose'n when you let go of her
to tackle the dog she should bang you
with the scrubbiEg- brush until you
looked's If you'd been ground up IN a
bark mill, and then wouldn't call Off
the dog until you hollered enough.
'S'pose'n all this, what | want to
know is, can't you sue that wilder for
assault and battery, and get an injunc-
ton on that dog? That's what I came
to see you about, whether you've got
to stand having your leg chewed and
your head smashed with scrubbing-
brush, or whether this great and free
governments going to protect it's de-
fenseless citizens, l want to know how
it is
Mr. Simms looked very solemn for a
moment as if contemplating the prob
lem carefully, and then he said:
81 don't really see that the law can
do anything in such a case, Mr.. Bud
dy If the man married the widow he
became part owner Of the dog. and it
was, therefore, in fact his own dog
that assaulted him. Besides that as
man and his wife are one flesh, the
widow has a partnership interest IN
the mans log, and when she set the
dog upon it she was really encourag-
ing the animal to mutilate her own
property No action can lie against
person who induces her own dog to
bite her own leg, nor will the law give
her redress if she batters her own
head with her own hands, for the wife
who strikes her husband really strikes
herself"
You don't mean to say" exclaimed
Mr. Buddy in a blaze of indignation,
that that Is the law of this land, OF
this very country where our forefa-
Tiers bled for liberty! You don't actu-
ally mean to tell me that red-headed
wilder, with liver-colored dog, can
actually make that dog gnaw mans
leg into sausage meat while she
trounces him with club. and that
he can't chuck her into Jail for it;
that he's got to stand UP and take it 2"
I'm afraid he has," said Simms, with
sad smile. II
well, then" said Buddy, rising and
Selling his crutches, that just lets
me out as far as this idiotic land is
concerned Pm going to quit. If wild
ders are to be allowed to carry on as
If men had no rights. I'll emigrate
and hunt up some country where en-
lightened civilization don't allow wild
ders to live. Let's see, it's India, isn't
it, where they kill the wilder when
her first husband dies? Well, that's
where Pm going. I'm going by the
first boat If | stay here III be dead