davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1908-08-18

Orino Laxative Fruit Syrup is sold
under positive guarantee to cure con-
stipation, sick headache, stomach
trouble, or any form of indigestion. If
1t fails, the manufacturers refund your
money. What more can any one do. For
sale by all druggists.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1908-08-18
No. 236.-Word Square.

My first is part Of ship. My sec
ond is inclosed space. My third Is
made by sewing two edges together.
My fourth is not wild.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1908-08-18
Broke.

"Yes. poor fellow. he's a friend OF
mine"
"Indeed?"
Same thing in need" - Catholic
Standard and Times.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1908-08-18

ibid the brides father give her
awaya"
mo sir; when he was asked how old
she was he lied like gentleman"
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1908-08-18
America on Top.

Some years ago, while on a tour
through Europe, Sir Henry Roscoe paid
a visit to Vesuvius, which was at the
time in eruption. He there met an
American, who spoke In deprecatory
terms of the magnificent spectacle.
"Well," remarked Sir Henry, "when
all is said and done, you have nothing
like this In America"
NO." replied the other, "but we have
river that wonld put the whole darned
thing out in five minutes"
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1908-08-18
MEN PAST SIXTY IN DANGER.

MEN PAST SIXTY IN DANGER.
More than half of mankind over sixty
years Of age suffer from kidney and blad-
der disorders, usually enlargement of
prostate glands. This is both painful
and dangerous, and Foley's Kidney Cure
should be taken at the first sign of
danger, az 1t corrects irregularities and
has cured many old men Of this disease.
Mr.. Rodney Burnett, Rockport, Mo-,
writes: 81 suffered with enlarged pros
tate gland and kidney trouble for years
and after taking two bottles of Foley's
Kidney Cure I feel better than I have for
twenty years, although I am now 81
years old" For sale by all druggists.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1908-08-18
All Pleased

81 hear your club is going to give an
entertainment. Do you think 1t will be
q success?''
"Sure to be. We've arranged 1t 10
that every member Is chairman OF some
committee or other"
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1908-08-18
HE GOT THE LOB.

Boy Crushing in)-Did you advertise
for an Office boy, mister?
Aerchsnt-Yes.
Boy-Well, I'm him. What do do
faraf9
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1908-08-18

Towne-Why do you call young
Fetherbrane "Cholly"? His first name
Ia Noah.
Browne-Yes, but that's so inappro.
pirate. Noah had sense enough to get
In out of the rain.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1908-08-18

WHAT A NEW JERSEY EDITOR
SAYS.
NJ. T. Lynch, Editor of the Phillips
burg, N. j., Daily Post, writes: 81 have
used many kinds of medicines for coughs
and colds in my family but never any
thing so good as Foley's Honey and Tar.
l cannot say too much in praise of it."
For sale by all druggists.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1908-08-18
TheP uzzler
No. 2s1-Jinsl. charads,

No. 231-Jingls Charade.
Ny first Ia seen on many a head.
Yet may be on q gun instead.
Ny next, Q word that's very small
It II Q pronoun; that IL all.
Ny third 10 not q merry crew.
Il ID, dear reader. only you.
My last shows something far behind;
| A very common thing. find.
Ny whole II q word that Ii used far ana
When an army surrenders to the other
side.
No. 232.-Hiddsn Hardware.
1. The doctor saw Edwin ailing, yet
gave him no medicine.
2. The ships crew gave an entertain
ment In the saloon.
8. The captains courtesy to the crew
was sham-merely sham.
4. Under the weeping willow l re-
NAMED until the storm was over.
5. Jessabol taught night school for a
living.
8. The wren chased the butterfly
through the daisy field.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1908-08-18

feeling the Importance of being boy
and n year older than his sister Helen.
ordered her to instantly stop crying
and give him chance to bawl. The
picture shows how he succeeded.
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07
One or the
Essentials

Of the happy homes Of today is vast
fund Of information as TO the Lest methods
of promoting health and happiness and
right living ana knowledge of the worlds
best products.
Products of actual excellence and
reasonable claims truthfully presented
and which have attained to worldwide
acceptance through the approval of the
Well-Informed of the World; not of indi-
viduals only. but of the many who have
the happy faculty of selecting and obtain
ing the best the world affords.
One of the products of that class, of
known component parts, an Ethical
remedy, approved by physicians and COM
mended by the Well-Informed of the
World as valuable and wholesome family
laxative is the well-known Syrup of Figs
and Elixir of SIENNA. To get its beneficial
effects always buy the genuine, manu-
featured by the California Fig Syrup Co.,
only, and for sale by all leading druggists.
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07
IT SEEMED INcURABLE
Body Raw with Eczema-Discharqed
from Hospitals as Hopeess-Cutl.
eura Remedies Cured Him.

From the age Of three months until
nfteen years old, my son Owens life
was made intolerable by eczema in it's
worst form. In spite of treatments the
disease gradually spread until nearly
every part Of his body was quite raw.
He used to tear himself dreadfully in
his sleep and the agony he went
through is quite beyond words. The
regimental doctor pronounced the case
hopeless. We had him in hospitals
four times and he was pronounced one
OF the worst cases ever admitted
From each he was discharged as in.
durable. We kept trying remedy
after remedy, but had gotten almost
past hoping for a cure. Six months
ago we purchased a set of Cuticura
Remedies. The result was truly mar.
velous and to-day he is perfectly cured
Mrs. Lily Hedge, Camblewell Green.
England, Jan. IL, 1907"
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07
RICE SURPRISE, WITH SAUCE.
Excellent Dessert Dish for the Lunch.
con or Dinner.

Quarter of a pound OF rice, half a
pint of water, one pint of milk, one
heaping tablespoonful of butter, two
tablespoonfuls of sugar, one teaspoon
full of vanilla extract, some jam.
Wash the rice in several waters and
put 1t into saucepan with the cold
water. Let 1t boil quickly until the
water is absorbed, then add the milk
and butter Simmer very slowly until
the rice is thoroughly cooked and
the mixture rather thick. Stir occa-
sionally, as ii will be inclined to stick
to the foot Of the saucepan. When
ready. remove the saucepan from the
fire and add the sugar and fiavoring.
Rinse out some small cups OF timbale
molds with cold water, three-quarters
fill them with rice and make a
little hollow in the center. Put tea
spoonful of any nice jam into each,
cover and fill with more rice and
set aside to cool. When firm. turn out
on glass dish and serve with custard
sauce poured round.
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07
PREPARING ROAST YOUNG PIG
Dainty That Involves Much Work for
the Cook.

Have a fat, six weeks old pig care,
fully dressed, the inside of the ears,
mouth and tongue cut out. After wash
ing inside and out, rub well with a
mixture of salt, sage. black and red
pepper. STUFF the pig with a dressing
made of light bread, butter, salt, pep
per. sage and thyme, well mixed, and
moistened with milk or water until ii
is soft, for ii will get firmer in cook
ing. Then sew up the pig carefully,
put in pan with a little water, and
set in a moderately heated oven.
Leave the doors open at first.
Mix butter and flour in a plate and
have a Harding mop ready. Mop the
pig frequently. AS 1t roasts close the
doors gradually. Occasionally pour
over 1t some of the gravy in the pan
and turn 1t over frequently, so that II
may brown evenly.
Boil until tender the liver and toes,
and when the pig is done chop them
up and add to the gravy. Roast from
two to three hours. according to size.
Serve with apple sauce and pickles.
Place pig on platter, an apple in its
mouth, parsley around it, and take to
the table.
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07
Creamed Cucumhers.

Peel two or three large cucumbers
and cut very fine with a sharp knife OF
run through the coarsest knives of the
meat chopper. Drain off the LIQUID
but do not press
Rub a bowl with a Glove of garlic
put in the minced cucumbers and sea
son with cayenne pepper, black pep
per, salt, teaspoonful of onion Juice
and the strained juice of half a small
lemon.
Chill all the ingredients thoroughly
and just before serving stir in half a
cupful of thickly whipped cream.
This makes a nice sauce for serv.
ing with fish or is equally good put on
the half shells. Serve one to each
person and pass with soft shell crabs
or broiled lobster at a luncheon.
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07
WONDERED WHY
Found the Answer Was "Coffee."

Many pale, sickly persons wonder
for years why they have to suffer so,
and eventually discover that the drug
-caffeine-in coffee is the main cause
of the trouble.
II was always very fond OF coffee
and drank 1t every day. i never had
much flesh and often wondered why
/ was always so pale, thin and weak.
About five years ago my health
completely broke down and l was con-
fined to my bed. My stomach was
in such condition that / could hardly
take sufficient nourishment to sustain
life.
During this time I was drinking
coffee, didn't think / could do with.
out IL.
After awhile / came to the con-
clusion that coffee was hurting me,
and decided to give 1t up and try
Postum. l didn't like the taste of II
at first. but when 1t was made right
boiled until dark and rich-I soon
became very fond of IL.
I'm one week began to feel better.
/ could eat more and sleep better. My
sick headaches were less frequent, and
within five months ! looked and felt
like a new being, headache spells en-
tirely gone.
"My health continued to improve
and today am well and strong, weigh
14S lbs. attribute my present health
to the life-giving qualities of Postum"
There's a Reason"
Name given by Postum Co, Battle
Creek. Mich. Read, THE Road to Well
ville," I'm pkgs
Ever read the above letter. A new
one appears from time TO time. They
are genuine, true, and full Of human
interest.
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07
WHEN WEATHER is HOT.
Housewife Will Earn Commentator
with Jellied Chicken.

One good chicken, one heaping
tablespoonful powdered gelatine. one
onion, two bay leaves, half teaspoon
full whole white peppers, one blade of
mace, one teaspoonful salt, crate of
nutmeg, half teaspoonful celery salt,
three cloves, three hard cooked eggs,
six olives, one can mushrooms, some
chopped parsley, mayonnaise sauce.
SINCE and draw the chicken. put into
a kettle of boiling water and cook
slowly until tender. Lift out and set
aside to cool. Cut the meat in neat
pieces. Put the skin and bones into a
saucepan, one quart OF the liquor.
onion cut up and the seasonings, sim
mer until reduced to one pint. then
add the gelatine and strain. Arrange
layer of the chicken in a wet mold,
then some slices of egg, mushrooms,
stoned olives, chopped parsley. then
more chicken and so on till all are
used up. Fill the mold with the stock.
Turn out when set. Serve with may.
onnaise sauce
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07

The COW has fallen off the is
land. Come Immediately.
COL. SHAKESPEARE.

For one minute the women looked
at each other, and then shrieked with
laughter. The sounds reached the ears
OF Commander Gay, and he ground his
teeth in helpless rage.
"Oh! if the message hadn't been
from his superior officer! If only he
could have had time to steam back
and land his guests! That his dinner
for Miss Mapleson should be Interrupt
ted, ruined, for the sake of a govern.
mental COW that had fallen overheard
-aw-r-rr-r!" Gay stamped the deck
and muttered incoherently; and all
the time they were steaming
center of the bay.
AS they approached the island, they
saw the poor animal in the water, kept
afioat by two soldiers in a small boat
stationed to support her head. And
then. little nearer, and the stalwart
form of Captain Henderson was dis.
cernible on the wharf.
Glad you've come, Gay. Get the
poor brute out as soon as you can, will
you?" said Henderson, cheerfully, as
he came on deck. Gay was incapable
of a reply permissible in addressing
brother officer
AS Gay worked to land the animated
lawn-mower, his rival again stormed
the much weakened garrison. A few
stern questions, promptly answered,
proved conclusively that the dispatch
of war had been tempered with, and
this point settled, the storming party
went on to sketch the terms of surren-
der in such a pleading manner, put.
ting it, in fact, in such an altogether
charming light. that the garrison
sweetly and gently capitulated, and
there was peace.
So taken up were they with more
important subjects that neither the
victor nor the captive thought to ask
Gay about the note, and his deliberately
prepared explanation was not even
called for.
I'm going over to the station with
you, Gay" said Henderson, Shaping
the sullen commander on the shoulder.
And, say, old chap, you don't mind,
do you, but, entire nous, you know,
showed the COW off the island my
self"
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07
Near Dead.

The ship doctor of an English lin
er notified the deathwatch steward, an
Irishman, that a man had died in
stateroom As. The usual instructions
to bury the body were given. Some
hours later the doctor peeked into
the room and found that the body was
still there. He called the Irishman's
attention to the matter, and the latter
replied:
Il thought you said room &C. | whit
to that room and noticed wan of thin
in a bunk. Are We dead?' says l. No.,
says he, but I'm pretty near dead So
| buried im."-The WASH.
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07
OLE MIS- MOON WITH THEM.
No Chance Of the Visitors Being
Homesick in the City.

Nine. Fairfax was wont to stand on
the porch of her old Virginia home
and rejoice on moonlight nights in the
beauty. says the Youths Companion.
There's my moon" she would say,
as II rose from behind the eastern
hills. Look, Dahlia, see how beauti-
full 1t u.s." and her tiny colored maid,
who was ever at hand with shawl or
fan for her beloved mistress. would
answer, enthusiastically: Your moon
certainly do look pow'ful handsome
tonight"
When Nine. Fairfax journeyed to
the city TO visit her son. Dahlia, look
ing out of the window with wondering
eyes ON the first evening of her life
away from home, exclaimed, in a voice
Of mingled establishment and relief:
We'll, declar' to goodness, IL ole
Mis- Moon amt done come along to
Washington wifi me an ole mis-! We
can't be homesick nohow. wifi ole Mis-
Moon shining on us"
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07
Instead of Curtain Rods.

At bargain store, get copper-cov.
cred wire about as thick as your little
finger, and have them cut it the width
of your window. Also buy two screw
eyes. Put screw eye on each side
of the sash opening, one of them so
that the wire will slip in. Run the
wire through the curtain castings and
put the ends in the eye. Your cur
tains will hang as nicely as though
the fixtures had cost three times Is
cents, the actual cost of your rods. -
Delineator.
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07
WIZ ms WAS WORRIED.
Fly in the Ointment That Was Handed
to Good Man.

Why" asked the coed mans wife
are you so thoughtful? You look as il
something disagreeable had happened
Perhaps he replied, Il am fool
ish to feel as | do about it. My con.
creation has raised a purse for the
purpose of sending me to Europe"
And are you sorry it isn't large
enough to enable you to take me
with you? Don't let that cause you
to feel depressed 1t will be very
lonely here without you, but l know
you need the rest, and / shall be very
sensible. | can spend the summer at
some quiet. inexpensive place, cheered
by the thought that you will return
refreshed in mind and body"
1T is very good of you TO look at 1t
in that way, my dear. | appreciate
your feeling. But the gentleman who
made the presentation speech said he
was sorry the amount that had been
raised was not larger so that | might
be able to remain away longer, and
somehow 1t seemed TO me that ap-
plause was more hearty at that point
than anywhere else in the course Of
his remarks. Chicago Record-Her-
AID
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07
WAS roo MUCH FOR PAPA.
Childish Questions Were Becoming
Entirely Too Personal.

There is a member of the faculty OF
George Washington university, who
TO use the words of a colleague, lis
as rotund physically as he is profound
metaphysically," says the Philadel.
phia Ledger.
One day the professor CHANGED to
come upon his children, of which he
has a number. all OF whom were. to
his establishment, engaged in an earn
est discussion of the meaning of the
word absolute"
Dad" queried one OF the young
sters, can a man be absolutely good p
mo"
Dad" put in another youngster
can a man be absolutely bad?"
No"
Papa" ventured the third child. a
girl, can a man be absolutely fat?"
Whereupon the father fed in.
continently.
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07
Thrift In the Family.

A little girl was playing with \ girl
friend of her own age on the porch OF
her home in West Philadelphia.
An elderly gentleman. her mothers
theirs mother, were sitting on the
porch talking pleasantly with each
other. The little girl had often wished
her grandparents were of the same
name, like other children's grand
parents.
Presently the little guest remarked
What a nice grandmother and grand
father you have"
"Oh, yes she said, with sigh, but
khey don't match"
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07
How Il Was Done.

Three-year-old May had a penchant
for cutting every hing in sight, when
she could get a pair of cissors. One
day, being left alone with her curly
headed baby brother, she promptly cut
every curl from the back of his head.
When the nurse discovered the dam
age, she said:
"oh! May, how dare you cut baby's
curls off?"
HE cut them hisself"
How did he reach the back Of his
head?"
He stood on the stool"
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07
Copyright. by shortstory Pub. Coz
By Annette Kiffredge

| he made to himself could satisfactorily
explain that young lady's silence. If
Gays heart could have been softened,
the captains detected attitude would
have done II, but instead, the picture
of the defeated foe seemed to inspire
him with a fiendish cruelty, and wait
ing for the boat to get just out OF
reach, he called:
Hard luck that you can't see Miss
Mapleson before she goes tonight"
"What?" shouted the astonished
Henderson, thinking he had not heard
Alright.
Il say Miss Mapleson is going to-
night-ten forty"
For heavens sake come back here"
Henderson shouted.
But Gay only smiled sweetly. Then
he delivered his parting shot-it was
mean, he knew it-but he just couldn't
help it:
She's coming aboard the Walrus
for dinner" he called through his
hands, and left Captain Henderson act
ing like man on wires, and shouting
indistinguishable language that had
the general sound of being rather
strong. "All's fair in love and war;"
quoth Gay, as he went below to dress
for dinner
Unfortunately, the dinner was not
the success he had expected. for, de-
lightful host that he was, and presiding
over a delicious and charmingly served
meal, he was unable to arouse Miss
Mapleson. who sat sadly distract, and
the conversation was chiefly carried
on by Gay and the chaperon-a not
very enlivening process. when one
does not care for the chaperon.
Gay struggled manfully, however,
and was just bending forward to pay
Miss Mapleson a most impressive com.
pliment, when an orderly entered the
cabin with a dispatch. AS Gay read
1t, his face underwent the most alarm
ing changes-his eyes fairly popped
from his head-his face, at first ashen,
suddenly turned deep purple, and
finally, choking with indispensable
emotions, he hurriedly excused himself
and rushed on deck.
In his excitement Gay had thrown
the dispatch. face upward, on the table,
and Miss Mapleson read the following
official message:
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07
Chocolate MoIasses rafx

One cup of sweet milk. Melt in Il
two squares of chocolate, then add one
cup of brown sugar. one of molasses
and piece of butter as large as an
English walnut. Boil aEi stir till
1t will harden in water. Add vanilla
and. pinch of soda. Pour in but
tered tin to cool. Should be brittle.
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07
And Richmond Rrunettes?

How long does the average honey
moon last?" asks contemporary. For
other communities and styles OF
spouse we cannot speak, but where a
man has had the intelligence, wit and
good fortune to contract an alliance
w~h one of the peerless little star
eyed blondes of Richmond the honey
moon lasts for life and then some
Richmond Times-Dispatch.
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07
Plan CITY Bakery.

The city of Buda.Pesth. Hungary, Is
preparing to try. a novel experiment
in the way of municipal enterprise.
Bids have been invited for a city balS-
cry with a daily capacity of $4,000
pounds OF bread. The most recent de-
signs of machinery will be installed
ard the baking will be done ~ the
continuous process.
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07
Lemon Butter.

When children become tired of jel-
lies and fruit buffers most delicious
and healthful spread can be made from
the following: Two cups graduated
sugar, three eggs, one teaspoonful but
ter, two lemons, grated rind and juice,
one cup of hot water. Cook in double
boiler until thick.
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07
His Marx.

Hewitt-Gruet can't write his own
name.
Jewett-I know it, whenever he sees
man showing another man how to
make a cross on an Australian ballot
he thinks he is forging his signature.
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07

bloated to twice their normal size.
Doctors did not help, and / was fast
drifting into the hopeless stages. !
used Doan's Kidney Pills at the criti.
cal moment and they really saved my
life"
Sold by all dealers so cents a box.
Foster-Milburn Co.. Buffalo. N. Y.
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07

disease started with
slight irregularity
and weakness and
developed into dan.
gerous dropsy. l Le-
came weak and Ian.
guild, and could do
no homework. My
back ached terribly.
] had bearing down
pains and my limbs
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07
Cause and Effect.

Young Fallow follows Miss Belle
about with logged devotion"
That's quite natural; you know, his
is case of puppy love."-Baltimore
American.
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07
Eqos for InvaIids.

Cover frying pan with cream. wher.
aot beat as many eggs as wanted. sea.
ioned with little salt, and keep stirring
until light
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07

Waste not the remnant of thy life
In those imaginings touching other
folk, whereby thou contributest not to
the common weal.-Marcus Aurelius.
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07

This woman says she was saved
from an operation by Lydia T..
Pinkham'sV Vegetable Compound.
Lena V. Henry, of Norristown, Ca,
writes to Mrs. Pinkham:
81 suffered untold misery from fe-
male troubles. My doctor said an opera
ton was the only chance had, and 1
dreaded IL almost as much as death.
lone day read how other women
had been cured by Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound, and i decided TO
try it. Before / had taken the first
bottle 1 was better, and now 1 am en-
tirely cured
Every woman suffering with any
female trouble should take Lydia 4.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound"
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07

II Your Feet Ache or Burn
get a 25c package of Aliens Foot Sc. IL gives
quick relief. Two million packages sold yearly.
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07
cHILDHooD's HAPPY DAYS.

The Hunter-Aint 1t a shame, F1do?
1t says here dat mountain lions are
rapidly becoming extinct. bet well
never get chanst to shoot single
one.
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07

Even a drunken man doesn't care to
be held up by a footpad.
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07

A man isn't necessarily a wood saw
yer because he says nothing.
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07

Mrs. Wlnslow's Soothing syrup.
For children teething sotens the gums reduces m
ammaton, allays pain, cures wind collie &c BOTTLE
The Yale expositor., 1908-08-07
Pe-ru-na Did Wonders.

Mrs. Judge ]. F. Boyer, 1921 Sherman
Ave., Evanston, ILL.,, says that she be-
came run down, could neither eat nor
sleep well, and lost flesh and spirit. Pc
runa did wonders for her, and she thanks
Peruna for new life and strength.