davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1908-05-14
SAVED BY PRESENCE OF MIND.
"Patrick" Took Orders Meekly, and
Trouble Was Averted.

There is Richmond man of some
wealth, but simple tastes, the latter of
which include certain things he liked
to do as country boy
One day, according to his own ac-
count of the incident, he was sitting
on the back porch of his house over
looking his garden, busily shelling a
bag of peas. This was the servants
work. Of course, but he was doing it
for the fun of the thing, his wife the
meantime entertaining some smart
friends. Suddenly the owner of the
place heard one of the women say:
"Oh, l must see your pretty garden
have heard so much of it."
The next instant a window was
opened and out popped two heads. The
man was in strait. He knew, OF
course, that his wife would be hor-
ribly mortified With great self-pos-
session he turned his head away and
continued his work. His wife was not
far behind him in quickness of re-
source.
Patrick" she called out You
mustn't forget to NOV that grass be-
fore Mr.. Blank comes home"
"Yis, num-" answered the pea
shelter, with his best brogue, and the
crisis was passed in safety.-Illus-
trated Sunday Magazine.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1908-05-14
DEAN swlFT's DISPLAY OF WIT
His Marriage OF a Country Couple
Caught In Storm.

1t is related of the whimsical Dean
Swift that on one occasion, when
caught in a shower of rain, he took
shelter under tree, where he found
a party of young people waiting for
the storm to cease.
One, a girl, was weeping, and the
Dean learned that She was on her
way to church to marry young fell
low who was with her.
The party were walking, as was
then the custom in country districts,
but owing to the storm it seemed very
much as if the ceremony would not
take place that day.
Never mind" said the Dean, I'll
marry you
He took up his prayer book, and
there and then performed the cere-
mony. At the finish he tore leaf out
of his pocket book, and with a pencil
wrote and signed a certificate. which
he handed to the bride. Besides the
names and the date, there was the
following:
Under a tree, in stormy weather,
l married this man and woman together;
Let none but Him who rules the thunder
Sever this man and woman asundcr."
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1908-05-14
Truly a Leap Year Bride

Wilmington, neL-That leap year
offers opportunities not to be missed
by the girls, especially those of the
eastern shore of Maryland. was dem
onstrated the other day when Miss
Mary e.. litter of Chesapeake City
walked into the Office of Magistrate
Robertson and asked for a marriage
license. Her husband-to-be, Enos
Bockworth. stood outside and was
joined by the girl when she secured
the papers
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1908-05-14
Puzzles in Millinery.

THE hats this last winter have been
puzzlers to even their owners" said
the well-dressed woman, as she care
fully adjusted before the mirror a
handsome creation of velvet and
plumes. when went to my mil
liners few days ago with this hat
On she looked at me minute in sur
prise, and then said: You are not
wearing your hat right She removed
1t and replaced it as she had intended
t to be worn, and then l saw that all
winter l had been walking one way
and wearing my hat the other"
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1908-05-14
Purple Pork. Etc

Butchers tried last year to intro
duce beautiful meats. They sold blue
chops, green steaks, purple pork and
so on. But the idea didn't take"
The speaker, meat exporter.
smiled and went on:
1T was in Vienna, that splendid lit
tie city. that the idea arose. In vi
enese restaurants for month or more
the waiter asked if you preferred
your meat natural or 'beautified.' I'll
never forget, there in Vienna, the
shock had on cutting into a juicy,
grass-colored sirloin with an edging
of violet fat
mo, the idea failed. The people
don't want their meat beautified.
Their houses, their parks, their
streets, their own persons you may
beautify to your hearts content"
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1908-05-14
Not Given to TALKING,

Mrs. Gawsip-What kind of people
are these who have just moved in next
door to you?
Mrs Hurdso-O, never talk about
my neighbors. All know about them
is that their stuff came in one load,
that only one of their bedsteads has
any brass on 1t, most of the furniture
looks old, there's six in the family
the children are all boys, they have
two dogs, the man is about 20 years
older than the woman, she's dark com
plexioned, wears a silk Plush sack.
they had squabble with the driver
of the van when they settled with him.
and their name is Gimberling.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1908-05-14
Her REQUEST Granted.

The only child had been playing
with a nice little boy and found it
much better fun than playing with her
dolls. So she appealed to her mother
to give her brother, and the mother
said she would. BY happy chance
the very next day the only child was
informed her little brother had come
and she might go upstairs and see
him. Flying on the wings of expecta-
ton she reached her mothers room
and there, in a fluffy bassinette, re-
posed an atom of humanity which she
was told was her new brother. The
no longer only child looked and
gasped. and then, putting her little
arms behind her, she murmured DO.
litely, "Oh, thank you!" and ran away
as fast as her legs could carry her.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1908-05-14
FACTS FOR SICK WOMEN.

For thirty years Lydia 3. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound, made
from roots and herbs, has been the
standard remedy for female ills,
andhas positively cured thousands Of
women who have been troubled with
displacements, Inflammation, ulcera-
ton, tibroid tumors, irregularities,
periodic pains, backache, that bear
ing-down feeling, fatulency, indiges-
ton, dizziness ornervous prostration.
Why don't you try it?
Mrs. Pinkham invites all sick
women to write her for advice.
health. Address, Lynn, Mass. i
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1908-05-14

Mrs. S. Joyce, 1870 Sullivan Street,
ClaremoDt, n. Fl writes: about a
year ago | bought two bottles of Fo-
leys Kidney Cure. 1t cured me of a
severe case of Kidney tr uble of sever
al years standing. 1t certainly is a
grand, good medicine, and heartily
recommend it. Nick Doffing.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1908-05-14

Weak women should read my Book
No. for women" II was written ex-
pressly for women who are not we'll.
The Book No. 4 tells of DIR. Shops
might Cure and just how these sooth-
ing, healing, antiseptic suppositories
can be successfully applied. The book,
and strictly confidential medical advice
is entirely free. Write DR.. Shoop, Ra-
cine Wis: The Night Cure is sold by
N. Hansen.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1908-05-14
Notice of Probate Of Will

DlSlrlcG COufL IN and tor AUDUBON
County.
STATE OF IOWA,
AUDUBON COUNTY
To All Whom 1t May Concern:
Whereas, on the 2lst day of April,
1908, paper purporting to be the last
Will and Testament of Rasmus Hede-
gard late of said county, deceased,
was filed in my office, and was by me
opened and read, and the 18th day of
Oct. 1908, appointed and fixed as the
time when the same will come before
the court at the Oct. term thereof then
to be held, for final proof and probate,
as the duly executed last Will and
Testament of the said Rasmus Hede-
gard, deceased, at which time all
persons interested may appear and
show cause why the same should not
be admitted to probate.
Dated this 21st day of April, 1908
CHARLES S. WHITE, Clerk
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1908-05-14

One of our fellow students has great
aspirations and has written this petit
ton:
| want to be magistrate
An oriental potentate
A Consequential, Influential, Orien.
tai potentate.
I'd like to rule tropic isle,
Not very big say one square mile
Is there for me no Filipino, Small Ca
sino, Tropic Isle?
When Pm prince in the Levant
I'll ride The sacred elephant;
The white and creamy, slow and
dreamy, bright gleamy elephant
And when l go abroad in state
My splendor soon will subiugate
The Reverential, Deferential, Non es.
sential Fourth estate.
Four and-twenty brown Negritos
With fans will keep away mosqui
toes;
Malevoleutial, Most potential, Pesti-
lential, Big mosquitoes.
Oh, | will be supreme, I'll bet
I'll rule without a cabinet,
A Referential, Conferential, Depart
mental Cabinet.
And 1 will be no celibate-
My harem fair syndicate;
A Confidential, Preferential, Most es-
sential, Syndicate.
Twill be wide open when Pm ruler
Each night We'll have hula hula;
A soul enhancing, Joy enhancing,
Muscle dancing Hula hula.
Then let me have tropic isle,
A little bit of Natures smile,
A Soft and balmy, fair and palmy
never qualmy Tropic isle.
One small boy has written an essay
ON girls:
"Girls are very stuckup and digni
fled in their manner and behavior
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1908-05-14
Tried And True"-
Carrie Gault.
"Reveries OF An Old Bachelor
Will Nelson

The parents send interesting MESA
ges to school sometimes. One asks the
teacher: "Please excuse Henry from
not coming to school as he died
from the car-run-over on Tuesday, to
oblige his loving mother"
Another writes: Teacher my boy
says you want to see me. | have beer
saloon and nine children. Business is
good in the morning and afternoon.
How can | Gomez"
In the same school teacher received
the following: "NIiss-Please let Will
lie home at two O'clock take him out
for little pleasure to see his grand ia.
theirs grave:"
Some parents are very kind. A mo-
ther down East was SO kind that she
gave her child chloroform before she
whipped ii"
l know a young man who attends
church regularly and clasps his hands
so tight during prayer-time, that he
can't get them open when the contri-
button box comes around.
Dearest, if | had known this tunnel
was 30 long, I'd have given you u jolly
hug.
Didn't you? Why somebody did.
A cautious look around he stole,
His bag of chink he chunk;
And many wicked smile he smole,
And many wink he wunk.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1908-05-14
FROM LAUGHTER TO TEARS

Pathos is the truthful description of
a solemn scener. We enjoy pathos as
much as we enjoy humor. Tears and
laughter come from the same fount.
How many times We have seen young
ladies crying over pathetic love story.
They would read and cry, read and cry.
If they didn't enjoy that pathos they
would throw the book away. The book
may not have cost ten cents, but they
were trying to get dollars worth of
cry out of it. Pathos and humor are
twin sisters. They are both true to ma
ture. | take, rs an example of pathos,
the following:
"The Pauper's Death"
Tread softly-bow the head-in re-
weren't silence bow;-no passing bell
doth toll, yet an immortal soul is pass
ing now Stranger! however great,
with lowly reverence bow; there's one
in that poor shed-one by that paltry
bed-greater than thou. Beneath that
beggar's roof, 10. Death doth keep his
state! No crowds attend; no guards
defend this palace gate. That pave
ment, damp and cold, no smiling cour-
tiers tread; one silent woman stands,
lifting with meager hands, dying
head. No mingling voices sound, an
infant wall alone; sob suppressed
again that short deep gasp, and then
the parting groan! Oh! change--oh!
wonderous change! burst are the prison
bars This moment there, 80 low, so
agonized; and now, beyond the stars!
Oh! change-stupendou change! There
lies the soulless clod:-thus sin eternal
breaks-the new immortal wakes
wakes with his God
If should die tonight.
And you should come to my cold
corpse and kneel,
Clasping my bier to show the grief
you feel,
l say, if | should die tonight
And you should come to me- and
there and then
Just even hint bout paying me that
ten,
might arise the while,
But I'd drop dead again.
Little Willie from his mirror
Sucked the mercury all off
Thinking, in his childish error,
1t would cure his whooping cough.
| AT the funeral Willie's mother
Smartly said to Mrs. Brown
"Twas chilly day for William
When the mercury went down."
Little Johnnie composition on spring:
Spring is coming, soon the flowers
will be in bloom, the grass will be
green and the birds will be singing
How do know? Because they did last
year and the year before that and the
year before that and the year before
that. The little lambkins will skip and
play, anyway they did last year and
the year before that and the year before
that. Soon we will be making garden,
anyway | suppose we will, for we did
last year and the year before that and
the year before that. Here Johnie's
teacher told him to take his seat and as
he went down the aisle he was heard
to murmur, and the year before that
and the year before that and the year
before that, etc.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1908-05-14

They think more of dress than any
thing and like to play with dolls and
rags. They cry if they see COW in
far distance and are afraid of guns.
They stay at home all the time and 20
to church every Sunday. They are al
ways sick. They are always funny and
making fun Of boys hands, and they
say chow dirty" They can't play
marbles. 1 pity them, poor things
They made fun of boys and then turn
round and love them. I don't believe
they ever killed cat or anything,
They look out every night and say.
"Oh, amt the moon lovely" There is
one thing I have not told and that is,
they always know their lessons better
than boys.
Some write books, among them the
following:
''Love's Young Dream"-
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-11-09
HIGHEST
COURT bR|bE
RUMOR

Attorney II. M. Stephens of this
city will not serve on the state
bar association commission ap-
pointed to probe the rumors In
volving Judge Mile Root of the
state supreme court In the Judge
Gordon shortage.
Mr.. Stephens wired President
Bridges of the bar association that
he was not member of the asso-
citation and received a wire this
morning that someone else would
be appointed in his place.
Other lawyers on the commits
sion are John II. Powell, Harold
Preston, Seattle; Judge Stiles. r.
@. Hudson. Tacoma. The other
member will probably be Spokane
attorney.
Stories that Judge Gordon's
$4,000 shortage with the Great
Northern was partly due to money
used for influencing supreme court
decisions and that Judge Root was
the beneficiary OF this. have gone
the rounds OF the state since the
shortage became known. The in.
Sestigation is instituted on re-
quest of Judge Root and his col
leagues on the state supreme
bench.
~ It Is alleged that these stories
came from Joseph Robinson, attor'
ney who was suspended from prac'
tice for statements involving the
honor of the supreme court con
tanned In brief.
In issuing q request for inyesti
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-11-09
HIS AssAiLANT, A sTENoG-
RAPHER, THEN COMMITS
| suiclDE-MoTIvE WAS RE-
VENICE FOR EXPOSURE OF
/ DISHONESTY.

NEW YORK, Nov. 9.-E. M. Nor.
gan, postmaster of this city, was
shot and dangerously wounded by
Eric H. Mackey as he was leaving
his home near 146th street and
Broadway this morning. The as.
sassin then blew out his own
brains.
Mackey was a stenographer EN-
ployed by the law firm of HILL
Hunt G. Bolts.
Morgan was about to enter the
subway with his daughter when
Mackey approached and asked /:
SIS this Morgan?"
Getting an answer In the af.
firmative, Mackey pressed a revol.
yer to his abdomemn on the left
side and fired. The bullet went
out on the right side. AS a great
crowd was gathering Mackey com
mitted suicide.
A dagger and slungshot were
found in Mackey's possession. The
police thing the murder was pre-
meditated. No information con.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-11-09

fore Judge Sullivan for contempt
Saturdays hearing was postponed
until this morning. when Judge
Sullivan again took up the case.
Weinke the guardian and Mo-
Donald the uncle again emphaticak
ly insisted on the witness stano
today that they knew nothing as To
the whereabouts of Madeline an4
Lois Mcdonald. Weinke said he
had placed the case in the hands
Of the sheriff Of Spokane county
and the police. department Of Spos
kane, but none of the officers had
been able to find clew. He pro-
fessed absolute innocence Of any
connection with the disappearance
and said II he had known that anN
such thing was brewing when the
little one returned to Spokane he
would have taken steps to fores
stall 1t.
Weinke said he wanted the Ito
tie girl brought into COURT and
intended to stand by her to seq
that she received justice. but be.
yond this he had no interest In
the case. He expressed a bellies
that the children we're in hiding
somewhere in the city.
]. M. Mcdonald, under oath, said
heb knew nothing as to the locar
ton of the missing children and
had not aided or abetted their
disappearance in any way. He in.
clined to the opinion that Madeline
Mcdonald had carried out her
threat OF the dual drowning.
Attorney Stern, Tor the parents
of the ctildren. by questioning
and insinuation tried to create the
impression that Mcdonald and
Weinke were at the bottom Of the
children's disappearance, and that
Mcdonald had furnished the funds
with which they made their escape.
but this charge was Indignantly
denied. Mr.. Stern pronounced It
"the most fragrant violation Of the
courts order l have ever seem"
Judge Sullivan postponed the
further consideration of the case
10 days, until the morning of No
vember 10, unless the missing
children should sooner be found.
in which event the hearing of the
case will proceed without delay.
In the divorce case In which
George Mcdonald was granted q
separation from his wife he
charged her with immortality and
on this account the court at the
time placed the custody of the
child in other hands.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-11-09

cation of the charges by the state
bar Chief Justice Hadley recon-
mends criminal prosecution II the
charges are found to be false and
malicious.
In Spokane where Judge Cor
don lived for years as counsel OF
the Great Northern suggestions OF
crookedness involving a court in
connection with him are received
with surprise and doubt. The
Judge was known as a man OF
sportive inclinations and there are
some interesting stories Of his &C
lions along this line. He is &C
cused Of being short $4,000, which
the Judge, who is now in Tacoma
denies and there is nothing direct
here to substantiate the rumors
that have clustered around his
shortage. The story that he had
used the money In actual or at
tempted bribery Of a member OF
the supreme court came from
Olympia. which is the home oil
Judge Robinson.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-11-09
AT Tackled BY
AN ASSASSIN
New York Postmaster Shot in Presence Of
His Daughter.

corning Mackey is obtainable at
law Offices.
Earlier in the day a man not
resembling Mackey telephoned
from a bakery on Amsterdam av-
enue to the Morgan home asking
to see the postmaster. He was in
formed he could see him at $3.50.
Morgan says he never saw his as.
sailant before.
An operation showed the bullet
has perforated the intestines. 1t is
believed Morgan has an excellent
chance for recovery.
The police theory is that Mack
ey suffered through Morgan's vigi-
lance in connection with the in
vestigation Of the charges Of dis
honesty against the postal clerks
of New York several years ago, be-
fore Morgan was postmaster.
The body was identified by no
'tice- from life insurance company
that his premium was due.
A card of law firm was found
on his clothes. On one side was
written: I'm event of accident
notify the above firm" An empty
envelope addressed Annie Mack
ey, care of the Training School Of
Anna Jacques hospital, New Berry,
Mass" was also found on him.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-11-09
TARS CAN'T
/ CELEBRATE

MANILA, Nov. 9.-Admiral
Sphrry refuses to allow any men
to sgo ashore to participate in the
IceNbration planned for the fleets
reception on account of cholera.
The citizens Of Manila resent
this attitude, saying 1t keeps tour
lists away. They are thinking of
appealing to Washington for an
order allowing the men liberty.
Admiral Sperry takes the atti-
tude that the loss Of one unneces-
sary life among the men will be
too, dear price to pay for any
celebration. The business men
who contributed for the celebra-
ton are leading the movement to
appeal to Washington.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-11-09
NO STATE JOBS
FOR GREENE

Some talk has been heard that
County Auditor Green, since his
reelection by such a large major
ity,. had aspirations to serve the
state of Washington two years
hence as state auditor. On being
questioned in regard to the matter
today, Auditor Greene said that at
the close of his second term he
intended to retire from politics
and give his attention to private
business. in which he thinks he
can make more money. He said
some of his friends had spoken
to him of the state authorship, but
that honor had no charms for him.
Auditor Greene announces that
no changes will be made in the
working force of his Office SO long
as all men do their duty.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-11-09

reward, and this Office may 60 to
one of them.
James R. Garfield. has worked
strenuously and honestly at the
business of being secretary Of the
Interior, and President Roosevelt's
cordial backing will undoubtedly
continue him in his present posi-
ton. In addition to which Mr.. Gar
field enjoys intimate and pleasant
relations with Mr.. Taft.
Who will become trust prosecu-
tor for the Taft administration in
place of General Bonaparte is still
undetermined. Frank B. Kellogg,
who has been special counsel to
prosecute the government cases
against Standard Oil, and who is
recognized as a lawyer of ability,
has been talked of in this connec-
ton. There is feeling in Mime
sofa, his home state, that he will
go into the cabinet.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-11-09
C0MPERS'
vIcT0RYIS
CONCEDED

DENVER, Nov. 9.-The re-elec.
ton of Gompers was practically
conceded when the convention of
the American Federation of Labor
convened this morning. However,
the fight on him will be bitter.
James M. Lynch, president OF
the International Typographical
union, is leading candidate
against him, and the name of John
Mitchell, former president of the
United Mine Workers, is also men
toned.
The convention opened with ad.
dresses of welcome by Governor
Buchtel and Mayor Speer. The ses-
sions will continue two weeks. The
real work will commence tomor-
row.
Gompers refused to discuss
Taft's statements made during the
campaign that Taft had laid the
foundation for prosperous and ef-
fective labor unions while he was
on the bench. He declared that
such a statement was false on its
face.
Gompers said in an interview:
1--WE lost the fight this year for
justice to the working people, but
we shall keep the fight up. The
campaign has solidified labor"
Gompers, in his annual report,
reviewed the Industrial situation,
asserting the present lack of work
to be the result of government
errors and giving in detail an &C
count of his work before congress
of the various labor cases pending
before the courts.
He said it is almost inconceiv-
able that SO many men are idle
when the country is so bountiful.
Concerning politics, he said 1t
would be unwise for him to make
any prophecy. He said he was
satisfied that great moral victory
had been won. The voice of the
workingmen had BEEN heard in the
campaign, he said.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-11-09

ty commissioners in receiving a
fair count, If a fair count is given
l feel confident that 1t will show
my election. Two years ago / was
apparently elected representative
On the face of the returns. yet the
county commissioners. in going
over the revised tabulated returns,
found against me. and l accepted
their finding without further pro
test"
Captain Gray will be represent
ed by counsel during the progress
Of the count ~