The Washington herald., 1908-01-05

NOTE-The ArbteT viii be glad TO answer any
questions Of a social nature that may be sub
mitted. such questions should be addressed to
The Arbiter, care The Washington Herald
BY THE ARBITER.
Prominent among the minor sins of
major import is the sin of thoughtless-
ness. some author has said, and well
said. and to this very minor sin a we'll
known hostess at the Capital devotes
several pages of eloquent writing to The
Arblter, begging him to publish it. The
letter is too long TO quote in full, but
her castigation of the young society men
deserves publicity. even though it may
have little effect. She says: Dear Mr..
Arbiter: It has been a matter of great
satisfaction 10 me the stand you take in
regard to the duty of returning obliga-
tions. Granted that it is only thought
lessness that causes a young man to
neglect his social obligations. is that any
excuse? Men are at a premium in this
Adamless Eden. to be sure but l. for
one, cannot understand why they should
be wined, dned and codded in every
way to add to their egOtism and conceit
Mind I am speaking Of young men only;
the law-givers, statesmen. and busy men
generally are exempted from following
rigid social rules. but why a lad. with
big income and nothing 10 do but enjoy
himself. should cot be held TO a strict ac-
count I cannot understand. I have taken
the stand of not inviting a second time
TO my house any one who does not call
promptly after the first invitation and l
feel that l have done real missionary
work; but won't you be so good as to get
some one TO cooperate with me and start
a propaganda for the social education of
young men? / am not persuaded that II
is mere thOughtlessness that causes them
to neglect their social duties but ig-
noranee of the laws of polite society, so
preach them a little sermon. 1t is the
small evil-doers, whom we cannot reach
for against real criminals we have the
protection of the law-who make life I'M
endurable. and against this class of so
Ciety / am going to ask you 10 make
crusade"
There was very much more in the letter
and certain paragraphs that showed
pardon the term-suCh catfish spirit
that it is not well to repeat them, but the
criticism Of the young men in Washing
ton is We'll founded, and The ArbIter has
frequently alluded to the indifference they
show TO those who entertain them. 1t is
our whole social system that is to blame,
and not a certain class Where little is
expected, little is given. It lies entirely
with a hostess what treatment she re-
Cetves. and if she continues TO keep on
her list men who offend against good
form, she encourages Iaxity. American
men are so good al heart that their
SINS Of social emission are, and should
be, often overlooked but it is well TO
keep up as high "a standard as possible.
and those who seek 10 enfoTe a Euro
pean standard should remember that the
whole system of life in America is or
dered on different lines from that in
Europe. II is truly, absurd 20 attempt
a comparison, and those who. like Mrs.
GilfOry have lived So long abroad"
that they cannot adapt themselves 10 life
in America, should return 10 their Elysian
Fields. 1t is useless to tilt at windmins
or 10 try and convert Country Bump
kin into "a Chesterfield. but there is
happy medium and one may be accept
able in society Of sensible people even
if he does not know the darnier cri from
Paris and London. This protest is not
eXcusing any social omissions, but to
ask for a little leniency for those who
have had neither time nor money to fit
themselves for the great world" but yet
have every right to play a role in it
because of superior intellect or some
thing they have done that puts them
far above their fellows.
Samuel Johnson was an Wcouth. social
ly ignorant creature and yet he was made
a lion of London at the time he fourished
there. and there was no one but who
was hOnored by his notice: neither was
Voltaire celebrated for his refinement. vet
he enjoyed "a tremendous vogue. and our
own Lincoln was not a beau. No one.
however, will dispute the fact that these
men win be remembered when the caval-
irrs of society ara buried in oblivion.
Lacking intellect. one must have knowI-
edge of social manners and customs
and follow his book OF etiquette.
It is well TO remember. too. that
Les hOmmes seront toujours ce qu'u
plaire aux femmes. 81 v0us voulez
quils devleunent grands ct vertueux ap-
prenez aux femmes CT que C'est que grand
eur ct vertu,' for no one will deny that
women rule the world, and that they have
their little slippers, as the Germans put
1t, on the necks of men. So it behooyes
the hostesses not to complain of the treat
ment they receive, but to compel those
whom they entertain to conform to GER
tain standards II is a matter that lies
within their own control.
I. Question-Please let me know through your
Columns you thlak II improper for a young woman
10 go 90 the theater unchaperoned with d man:
People have such different opinions about it, and
] should like 10 have yOurs. The men, / believe
think It an unnecessary expense 70 have a third
person along for no other reason than for form
sake, and it makes 1t embarrassing every time a
man asks to the theater To explain one can
only 50 with a ehaperon, Won't you kindly answer?
T. X.
Answer-It depends on the age OF the
woman. her social position. and the rela-
ton she bears toward the man. This
subject has already been treated in this
column, but since Il would be a hard
ship 10 look over tie files, The Arbiter
viii repeat what he has already said.
that no young woman in smart society
would be seen at the theater alone with
man who was not near relative.
p Question--Is It improper for a girl to ACCEPT
a ride in an automobile with young man, if accom-
panied by a girl friend Of the same age?
Answer-No, certainly not.
8 Questi0n-Is it bad form 10 send New Years
greetings On a postal card which has no design in
dicating the season upon It? / prefer the undeco-
rEted postal cards for the choice one has in this
country is not good, and I personally consider the
original postal card better taste.
Answer-In this matter you are quite
lor,er time ,-,+H 49,.