Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1908-04-09
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Small Boy Gin tank of swimming
school, anxiously) -Oh. pa; I've swal-
lowed some water! VIII they mind?-
Punch.
Tommy-Pop, what Is the difference
between fame and notoriety? Tommy's
Pop-Notoriety lasts longer, my SON
Philadelphia Record.
Did you ever see any one so home
ly?' No; why, he's so homely that
automobile goggles are actually becom-
ing to him. st. Louis Times.
How we have changed since the old
days.! What do you mean?' why,
to-day it isn't half so blessed to give
as it is to be a receiver."-Life.
Mamma, have got TO take a bath
to-night?" I'm afraid you have, my
dear" But l haven't done anything
all the week to deserve it."-Life.
Mr.. Jawback-That boy gets his
brains from me- Mrs. Jawback-Some-
body got 'em from you, if you ever
had any-that's a cinch.-Cleveland
Leader.
Peggy-Was that pIiceman ever
little baby, mother? Mother-Why,
yes, dear. Peggy (thoughtfully =
don't believe I've ever seen baby
pliceman!
Farmer Bentover-Tve just heard
wi L.
hired man. Farmer Hornbeak-
he'll have to climb down from the fence
and go to work.-Puck.
Mrs. lNewrocks I'm sorry
we didn't accumulate more souvenirs
of our European trip. Mr.. Newrocks
oh, we can get all we want in New
York Town and Country.
Mrs. Hoon docking up from her
newspaper Here is an item about
convict who writes poetry in prison.
Mr.. Hoon-H'm! Is that what he is
in or?-Philadelphia Ledger
Il notice that you nearly always
smoke when you are writing" said the
caller. DO you draw your inspiration
from your pipe?" NO" replied tho
horse reporter, Il draw smoke"
Mistress-Jane, | saw the milkman
kiss you this morning. In the future
| will take the milk in. Jane
'Twouldn't be no use, mum. He's prom
Used not to kiss anybody but me.
Boarding Mistress want weeks
board in advance, so as to be sure OF
it. New Boarder-That's all right.
Here's your money; now l want
weeks food in advance for the same
reason.
ne-Young girls always want to
marry for love, but when they grow
older they want to marry nan ii
money She-You're wrong. They don't
grow old; they merely grow wiser
st. Joseph Press-News.
Everything lovely down at the
house?" Yes; we are leading the
quiet life these days" "How do you
work it?' well, you see, we have
monograph, and it alternates with my
wife after supper. Nashville Banner
jack hear you are engaged to that
homely Miss Gotrox. Tom-Yes; she
has half a million in her own right
Jack-But money doesn't always lead
to happiness, old man. Tom-True,
but it ought to help some in the search.
Chicago News.
Business Man (busy with CORE
spondence) I'm that telegram of Beat
ties yesterday he said, letter follow
ing" | don't see the letter here. Stem
ographer-Why, don't you remember?
we received it the day before we got
the telegram.-Puck.
Borem-I think l hear your fathers
step on the stairs, so perhaps | had
better bid you goodnight. Miss Hits
(yawning) oh, it can't be father; he's
a late sleeper. Perhaps it's the hired
girl coming down to prepare breakfast.
Chicago Daily News.
''Well, WE'LL" growled the first man
at the banquet, why did they call on
that man for a speech? He doesn't
know how to talk" NO." replied the
other, but he doesn't know what he's
talking about anyway, so there's no
harm e."-Philadelpha Press.
Reporter-Senator, have heard that
you got your start in life by selling
newspapers. Senator Lotsmun-Not
quite correct, my boy. The fact is
but this is confidential, you know
that / got my start by buying one or
two newspapers.-Ch Tribune.
Johnny, why don't you be good
boy like your brother Willy" the
mother was sternly admonishing her
naughty son. willy here may be
President some day, while you will
have to dig in the sewer" But, moth
err" walled Willy, 'can't | dig in the
sewer sometimes too" - Harper's
Weekly.
professor" said Mrs. Gaswell to
the distinguished musician who had
been engaged at a high price to enter
tain her guests, what was that lovely
selection you played just now?" That,
madame" he answered, glaring at her,
was an improvisation" ''Ah, yes,
remember now. / knew It was an old
favorite, but 1 couldn't think of the
name of it to save me."-Chicago Trib-
une