Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1908-07-10

person IN nal1 dozen tHat can get
seat In the street cars now
Boasts Of tho Day.
(Chicago Record Herald.)
II have cousin who is engaged to
a duke"
That's nothing. I have a sister
who is divorced from two counts and
a baron"
No Ambition in That Direction.
George" said Mrs. Ferguson.
there's an item in this paper that
tells you how to know a mad dog when
you see one"
"Shucks,' exclaimed Mr. Ferguson:
Wv no desire to know any mad dogs"
A Leader.
(Chicago Record Herald.)
There goes one of our leading ofti-
zens."
HE doesn't look very prosperous"
"He isn't. He leads unmuzzled dogs
to the pound"
What He Does.
(Chicago Record Herald.)
PA, what does a king or an en-
peror do when he grants anybody an
audience?"
does when she grants me an audience
talks most OF the time"
Never Borrowed Trouble.
(Chicago Daily News.)
AMupp - Anyway. never borrow
trouble.
Knox-That's queer.
Ardupp-what's queer about It?
Knox-It's one of the few things
people are not expected to pay back.
Loud Imitation.
(Yonkers Statesman.)
Yeast You know a pig can be
trained to do many things that man
does.
Crimsonbeak-Yes; heard one. the
other day, initiating man 1 know
drinking his soup
Not Worth Considering.
ANXIOUS Inquirer-"Aren't you afraid
to start? The wind is blowing right
across the lake.
Balloonist-"Great Scott, man.
We're starting for the ocean. Do you
think we are going to let little thing
like Lake Michigan scare us?"
The Professor.
The Doctor-"I've stood for a good
many wild and reckless assertions on
your part, but you can't make me be-
lieye there Is a tribe Of Indians of Irish
descent
The Professor-"That only sows that
you have never heard Of the Allgone
Quinns."
Bungalows. -.
(From Judge.)
2 "Ah. that's pretty" said Mr.. Shocks,
looking over number of architectural
designs. What is that?"
That" said the architect, SIS fif-
teen -llundred- dollar bungalow"
what will it cost to build it?" ask
ed Mr.. Shocks.
about ss,ooo," said the architect
Serious Quandary.
The stenographer who was tran
scribing her note of a convention
speech paused in great perplexity.
Fellow citizens, I entreat you not
to be too hasty. If we put forth this
platform in it's present shape we sac
rif1ce the all important -
II wish I knew" she said, whether
wrote that next word 'planks' or
tplunks!'"
Memory Training.
(Stuttgart Fan,ilienblatt)
II men only realized how great an
asset in life is a retentive memory they
would take care to see that their chill
dren's were properly trained. The
simplest method consists in learning
every day few lines by heart. None
Of our faculties can be trained so
early as that of memory.
Gentle Art.
Iife)
"Got the hooks and lines?"
mo: couldn't find any"
"Never mind. Well probably find d
store somewhere. Any bait?'
No"
well we can dig some, maybe. Did
you bring that fask?"
"By jove. forgot ii"
"Good Lord. That means three
mile walk back to the hotel"
Origin of the Bolster.
(F'rom the London Chronicle.)
The Crusaders are said to have
brought home with them the bolster.
and, according to DR.. Camille. their
wives, in ignorance OF the only ra-
tional way OF using the article u. e..
placed lengthwise as support for
the back of person when lying on
his side), and not knowing what else
to do with it, put The bolster where 1t
is still found on the beds OF those who
have not learned the wisdom Of dis
c..rding /. altogether-under the pill
bow!