davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22

II tell you love can't stand much
laughip' at It's the tenderest plant
that ever peeped out of the soft lap
of creation, and in laughter If there is
no sympathy there's frost. When a
feller stops lovin' he sees more than
he did before and yet he is binder.
He sees more in other folks, but sees
that they amt like the one he loved
And the reason that so few people
marry first love is because that sort
of love takes hold as II 1t wanted to
kill. Don't appear that anything else
will satisfy It, There's no use tryin
to dodge it, boys; thief in the night
can't slip up on you half so sly. 1t is
the oldest thing In the world, but
1t is so new that nobody knows yet
how to handle it. 1t makes ignorance
as wise as a god and hangs a lamp
with perfumed oil where darkness al
ways fell before. A good many of the
old chaps make fun of it, but when
they do you may know that they amt
nothin' but money getters, and that
marks the death of the soul. Does me
good to look at you young fellers;
like to think of the sweet misery
you've got to go through with. Oh,
yes, there's more than one love. It's
like the rheumatism. One attack may
be worse than the others, but it's all
rheumatism just the same. and no
matter how light you've got it you
know when it's there. So you are
Alb Sarver's boy. What's your pap
doin' today"
"Arguin' politics with feller when
left home"
well, he was always mighty hand
to argue. haven't seen him in long
time. It's good ways to your house.
amt it?"
About ten miles"
Yes, and the miles get longer and
the days shorter as We grow older.
But no matter how old we get, If the
heart remains sound, we never forget
that rheumatism told you about.
wouldn't give the memory of 1t for
hardly anything In the world. Ono
of these days you will see her comm
down the road, maxim the orchards
bloom as she passes along. and you'll
wonder how you can live another min
it, and you'll wish yourself dead just
to make her feel bad. If she laughs at
anything anyone else says it will send
a knife blade through your heart, and
if she sighs you'll think it's over some
other feller. Therell be no ouch thing
as pleasin' you, but I'd rather have it
in store for me than mountain range
made of gold. Well, boys, it's about
time l was n goin' on home. There's a
woman there that l fell in love with
years ago, and / haven't fallen out
with her yet.
so you are Alb Sarver's boy. You
make me think. my son. 1t was your
daddy that told the girl l had met a
bull. and 1t was your nanny that
made the orchards bloom"
Copyright, by Opie Ready
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22

down the lane. But she didn't appear
to know 1t, and want to tell you that
marveled at such ignorance.
II didn't have the courage to go
straight up to her. and one night at
meetin', when l was feastin' my soul
with merely lookin' at her. up walked
feller and asked If he might take her
home. looked at him, quick-like, ex-
pectin' to see him drop dead. but he
didn't. Then l waited for the light
MIN to strike him. but 1t didn't. Then
waited for her to kill him with
look, but she didn't. She smiled and
said yes. Then sneaked outside and
whetted my knife on my boot There
want power enough on earth to keep
me from bathin' my hands in his
blood. Mother saw that there was
somethin' wrong with me and she
came out and asked me If | was sick.
told her l was dyin'. but before /
bid farewell to the earth was goin'
to cut a scoundrel into strips and
feed him to the dogs. But pap he
came and took the knife away from
me and said If he heard any more
such talk he'd tan my hide till it was
fitten for shoestrings. l don't know
how l got home that night. but after
long time found myself smoth-
erin in bed. There was well In the
yard and / thought I'd slip out and
drown myself. Just then l heard a
rooster crow, and recollectin' that
there was to be fight over across
the creek within a few days. l de-
cided that mebby | still had somethin'
to live for.
But l didn't give up my idea of
vengeance on that feller, and one day
met him as l was comm along the
road. lowed that before knocked
him down it would be we'll to inform
him as to how he stood in my opin-
ion, and / started out and don't know
what l might have said II he had CIV
en- me chance. But he didn't. He
didn't appear to think that there were
stars enough, SO he began to knock
them out of my eyes and / saw some
of them as they sailed away. Among
them was comet with tail about as
long as well chain. When l came to
a muley COW was ringin' her bell over
my head. propped my eyes open till
l could get home, and they covered
me with fresh meat and left me to
think over the situation.
'It was no laughin' matter. boys,
I'll tell you that The next day the
girl came over. She said that she
heard that bull had met me and dis
agreed with me. What lie that fell
low had told her; and she insisted on
SEEM me. She came into the room
and looked at her through hole III
beefsteak. She laughed. oh, l
don't blame her now, you understand,
but Just at that moment my love
stubbed It's toe and fell and fell hard.
I want to remark She said she was
awful sorry for me and said she
acted like 1t.
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22
WENT HIM MANY BETTER.
Mr.. Newrich's Visiting Card Left
Friend In the Shade.

Mr.. Newrich. the dust contractor,
having made a fortune, part of which
he had invested in house property in
the east OF London. wished to rise.
like Phoenix, from his ashes into
some sort of society. His golden key.
applied to the Golfers of an impecuni-
GUS aristorcrat, opened the way.
His new friend. among other things.
advised him that visiting cards were a
necessity, and. as guide to drawing
one up ready for the printer, handed
him one of his own, which read, "Har-
old De We're, Iona House. Portsmouth
Square, W."
Two days later. as De We're was sit
ting in his dressing room at breakfast,
a servant brought in on salver a Wis.,
iting card bearing the following:
"Ephraim Ncwrich. Own 23 Houses.
London. E."
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22

thing that would have made that par
ticular letter memorable.
In the same class as the noninclos-
ers are those who say, "Of course,
George will have written you about
the mysterious happenings in the
house of Cynthia Alendale. How do
you account for them"
1t is more than likely that if George
has written at all he will have said,
Il suppose that Emma has told you all
about the blood-curdling affair at
Cynthia Alendale's so will not waste
your time by telling you about it. But
wasn't it awful? What are we com.
ing to?"
If only George and Emma had as
sumed that the other had not told a
single thing about the interesting af-
fair! Here and there are people who
hate to receive letters, but most of us
are human (Heaven be praisedD and
so in writing put in all the human
touches you can think of. and don't
assume that "the other fellow" has
written all the interesting news be-
cause you may depend upon it he
hasn't.
And remember to put in the in
closure even If you forget to post the
letter containing it.
Copyright, by James Pott & Coz
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22

And SO you are Cal Atterson's
boy" said Lin Jucklin as he sat down
on the steps of the grocery store.
MY, how you young chaps come on.
And you? Alb Sarver's youngest, eh?
Hasn't seemed more than week
since saw you riding stick horse
and here you are big enough to make
love to the girls.
Don't make love to 'em? Go on
with you. I'll bet your heart has been
wrung and hung out to dry more
than once. When was about your
age fell sick along about tobacco-cut-
ting time. and l didn't think 1 was
ever goin' to get we'll The cause OF
my sickness was a young gal that
came into the neighborhood to visit
her uncle. l haven't time now to tell
you how beautiful l thought she was.
didn't believe she belonged on the
ground at ADJUST touched 1t now and
then to accommodate the earth, you
know. She flew down from cloud
that the sun was shinin' on and
didn't care to go back. Recollect how
astonished was the first time l ever
saw her eat. 1 thought she just natur-
ally. sucked the honey out of the hon
eysuckle along with the hummin'
birds, and when I saw her worryin'
with an ear Of boiled corn big enough
to scare two-year-old calf went out
and leaned against the fence. But 1t
didn't hurt my love any. l thought
she did 1t Just to show that she might
possibly be human being. She didn't
want us all to feel bad. One night
! groaned so that mother came to
me and wanted to put mustard plas-
tiers on me. She lowed that mebby
she might draw out the Inflammation.
She thought had somethin' the mat
ter with my stomach because / had
lost my appetite. l told her that l
had an Inflammation she couldn't
draw out with yoke of steers. Then
she thought l ought to have an emet-
ic. l said that if she had one that
would make me throw up my soul she
might fetch it along, but otherwise
1t would be as useless as saying new
to dead cat. Then she thought
must be crazy and came mighty nigh
hittin' the mark. tell you.
"A few days afterward, about the
time I was at the height of my fever,
met the girl in the road and she
smiled at me, and l ran against a
beech tree and If l didn't knock the
bark off I'm the biggest liar in the
world. When came to had my arm
around sheep. walkin' across the
woods pasture.
MY. my. what time that was to
live. The sun had just riz for the
first time and they had just called up
the birds to give out the songs to
them. They want quite done settin'
the stars out in the sky, and they
hadn't put more than one coat of
whitewash on the moon. Music-it
want there till she came. and the
orchards bloomed as she walked along
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22
"our Rarbarous Eourth.v y

Mrs. Isaac L. Rice, founder and pres
ident of the New York Society for the
Suppression of Unnecessary Noise, de-
clares-basing her claim on reliable, II
grim, figures-that our Fourth's statis-
tics probably furnish sadder COM
mentary on human folly than that af-
forded by any other celebration in the
world" The June Century will pub
lish her condemnation of "Our Barbar-
Gus Fourth" with her suggestions for
saner and safer observance Of the
national holiday. DIR. r. o. Beard, of
the University Of Minnesota, will have
an article in the same number on the
pathological aspects of Noise" and an
editorial article will treat of "Offenses
to Ear and Eye"
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22

thing it is and how much it loves
to please its papa. Paderewski might
interpret it differently but he could
not play it any faster"
And while the daughters pride and
her conscience We're having it out be-
tween them, her father said: "Daugh-
ter, l toe have a surprise
He turned toward her and contin-
ued: while in New York 1 visited
an oculist and l can now see as well
as 1 ever could. How much do you
have to pay a month for the thing?"
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22
Puzzles in Millinery.

1.-THE hats this last winter have been
puzzlers to even their owners" said
the well-dressed woman, as she care.
fully adjusted before the mirror a
handsome creation OF velvet and
plumes. when l went to my mil
liners few days ago with this hat
on she looked at me minute In sur
prise, and then said: You are not
wearing your hat right She removed
1t and replaced 1t as she had intended
it to be worn, and then saw that all
winter had been walking one way
and wearing my hat the other"
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22

almost without warning, her father
was stricken with blindness, and then
the daughter. taking leaf out OF Dick
ems, determined to play Dot to his
Caleb and with that in view she
bought piano player on the install
ment plan.
Her father had been away for some
weeks when the automatic player
came to the house, and upon his re-
turn she said to him: Father, dear,
would you like to hear some music?
And her father said: Il would, in
deed, daughter, if you can play some
for me. I want to see If you have i'm
proved during my absence"
So the old gentleman sat himself
down on the sofa and turned his ear
toward the piano, and the daughter
put Hungarian Rhapsody by List
in its place and started the mechanism.
When she came to an end her IA
ther called her to him and kissed her
ul.oa her forehead and Datted her
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22
Explorer Made Postmaster.

Before leaving Christchurch for the
antarctic regions, says the Westmin-
ster Gazette, Capt. Schackleton, the
commander OF the latest British south
polar expedition, was duly sworn In
as postmaster of King Edward the
Seventh Land. He has been author
lied by the postmaster general of New
Zealand to open an office in that most
southerly of the kings possessions, to
issue stamps and transmit mails as
opportunity offers. These south pole
stamps will doubtless be priced by
philatelists and other lovers Of curios.
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22
His Double Grief.

It was sentence day in the city
court. A man in the prisoners pen.
who had been sentenced to two years
for larceny, began to cry softly. The
big man next him, who was going to
serve seven years for bigamy, said:
Jaw. wotcher sniflin' about?"
"l'm-I'm-th-th-thin about lcav-
IN (sob) my-my-family. Lea-leavin'
my wife"
Jaw, cut 1t out! Lool; at me. l amt
cryin', am I? An I'm leavin' two OF
'em."-"Jack" Cremer In Everybody's.
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22
II an Advertisement convInces You,
Stav Convinced

When you read in this newspaper
the advertisement OF manufacturer
who has paid for the space used to
convince you that 1t is to your interest
to buy his goods. and you go to a
dealer where such articles are usually
handled for sale, do not let the dealer
or any one of his clerks sell you some
thing else which he claims is lust as
good" If an advertisement convinced
you, 1t was because of the element Of
truth which 1t contained.
INSIST ON GETTING WHAT YOU
ASK FOR
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22
Eidorado Springs is Open.

The Colorado & Southern announces
that the charming resort, Eldorado
Springs, is open for the season. The
usual low rates and convenient ser
vice will prevail. Its grand, rugged
mountains, precipitous canons, Har-
man Falls, crazy stairways, and, great
est Of all. its warm swimming pools,
make 1t truly the mountain and sea-
shore resort OF the West. The New
Eldorado, an excellent hotel, is ready
for guests. Take your Sunday dinner
at Eldorado.
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22
An Interested Question.

The young wife of prominent New
York physician teaches Sunday
school class Of small boys. One Sun
day. not long ago, after she had fin
ished telling them the story of Joseph
and his coat of many colors, she said: !:
rs there any question you would like
to ask me before We go on with the
catechism?"
"Yes'm." answered little Sammy
Eastwood.
We'll. what is 1t, Sammy?"
will you give me ride in your au-
tomobile?"
The question was not answered then.
but as matter of record, Sammy got
the ride.-Ncw York Times.
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22
His Quick Recovery.

81 was so glad" said Mrs. Oldcastle,
to see DR.. Goodleigh in the pulpit
again last Sunday. He had such a
time OF it. Dear me, it must be per-
fectly dreadful to have ones appendix
removed. dread it SO that 1 don't
know what should do If l had to un-
dergo an operation. They said, when
The doctor went to the hospital, that
he wouldn't be out again for a month
or more"
Il know it," replied her hostess as
she started the diamonG-studded
phonosraph. but guess he re-
pudera,cd II good deal faster than they
expected"
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22

Starch. like everything else, is be.
Ing constantly improved. the patent
Starches put on the market 25 years
ago are very different and inferior to
those of the present day. In the lat
est discovery-Defiance Starch-all in
furious chemicals are omitted, while
the addition of another ingredient, in!
vented by us, gives to the Starch a
strength and smoothness never ap-
preached by other brands.
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22

west receives loving letter from his
mother, in which, after telling him all
the little inconsequences of his native
village. she says, Il did not know
what to get you for your birthday and
SO inclose a fivedol'ar bils.'
Imagine the feelings OF the poor ten
derfoot, down to his last cent, when
he finds that she has forgotten the in
closure. If only she had forgotten the
village gossip and remembered the
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22

That an article may be good as well
as cheap, and give entire satisfaction,
is proven by the extraordinary sale of
Defiance Starch. each package con-
tanning one-third more Starch than
can be had of any other brand for the
same money.
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22

With a smooth iron and Defiance
Starch, you can Iaunder your shirt
waist Just as well at home as the
steam laundry can: 1t will have the
proper stiffness and finish, there will
be less wear and tear of the goods.
and it will be n positive pleasure to
use Starch tnat does not stick to the
iron.
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22

The extraordinary popularity of fine
white goods this summer makes the
choice of Starch matter of great i'm
portance. Defiance Starch, being free
from all injurious chemicals, is the
only one which is safe to use on fine
fabrics. Its great strength as stiffen-
er makes half the usual quantity of
Starch necessary. with the result of
perfect finish, equal to that when the
goods were new.
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22
Would Establish New State.

Prof Roy, the French Esperantist,
is urging the establishment of an inde-
pendent Esperanto state in Europe.
The site he has selected for his ex-
pertinent is on neutral strip of ter
ritory which lies on the frontier be.
tween Germany, Belgium and Holland,
some five miles from Aix-la- Chapelle
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22

sediment Not satisfied, Mr.. Enders
started using Doan's Kidney Pills.
"The kidneys began to act more regl-
larly," he says. land in short time
l passed few gravel stones. felt
better right away and since then have
had no kidney trouble"
Sold by all dealers. so cents hox.
Foster-M -Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22

To prevent that tired feeling on
ironing day-Use Defiance Starch
saves time-saves labor-saves annoy
ance, will not stick to the iron. The
big 16 OF. package for 10c, at your
grocer's.
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22
XnIIr Deaerta.

For him who no longer is, everyone
is ready to commend. SO that to what
ever height you push your deserts,
you will scarce ever be thought to
equal, but to be somewhat inferior TO
these.-Pericles.
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22
FIow'S This +?

We offer One Hundred Dolsrs Reward for any
Ease of Catarrh that canno. be cured by Halls
Catarrh Cure.
F.J.CHENEY & CO., Toledo, o.
We, the Undersigned, have known +. J. Cheney
for the last Is years, and believe him perfectly hon
orabe in all business transactions and financially
able to carry out any obligations made by his nru.
WALpING. KiSNAE & MARVIN,
Wholesale Druggists, Toledo. o.
Halls Catsrrh Cure Is taken Internally, acting
directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces of the
system. Testimonials sent free. Price IS cents per
bottle. Sold by all Druggists.
Take Halrs Family Pills for constipation.
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22
SuuocStJve,

Towne-There was spelling-bes
down at our church the other night.
The pastor gave out the words. Did
you hear about 1t?
Browne-No: was it interesting?
Towne-Rather. The first three
words he gave out were increase,
pastor" "salary."-Stray Stories.
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22

If. in replying to a toast at the po-
ltical banquet. you lost your head.
don't be unhappy. for, if you only stay
late enough, you'll be sure to get 1t
back again all right in the morning.
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22
@ @ @

INCLOSE an in.
teresting clipping
that will appeal
especially to you.
Let me know
what you think Of
it."
And then she
doesn't inclose It
and the recipient
of her letter vain
ly hunts for it.
The noninclos-
ing habit follows
the postal route
all over the world.
1t can be car
ried to madden
ing extremes, as
when the young
m a n w h o is
stranded in the
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22
Rally Cries.

so you couldn't hear much of what
the speaker said?"
mo. His delivery was al. right, but
between the yells of louder and or
der he didn't have much chance. -
Kansas City Times.
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22
Her Idea.

He: II see disappearing paper has
now been devised for lovers cores
pondence. 1t is STEPPED in sulphuric
acid. and after certain time 1t
crumbles into dust"
She: Even at that, l suppose the
paper outiasts some of the promises"
-Yonhers Statesman.
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22
Only Long Sleeves Now.

Mistress-Hcre is nice dress for
you. Martha.
Maid-Thank ye. ma'am; but can't
take it, really.
Mistress-You foolish girl. OF course
you can take II. ! Insist.
Maid-No, really, ! can't, ma'am.
It's got them oid-fashioned short
sleeves.
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22
A Feat of Memory.

Mrs. De Breeze (of Chicago)-"Now,
that am divorced again, don't know
whether to resume the name of my
last husband, or the one before the
last, or the one before. him, or the
one"
Friend-"Why not resume your
maiden name?"
Mrs. De Breeze-"That's good idea
i believe / will, If l can remember It,"
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22
Just Like a Bee.

Why doesn't that lazy Philo Phil.
ander find something to do?"
Find something to do? Why, he's
busy as bee"
But he hasn't done a thing this
winter but loaf"
We'll. that's what bee does in win.
ter, isn't it,"
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22
Before Anantas,

Adam had just finished naming the
animals.
Wait till start on the fish," he ex-
claimed, gleefully.
Thus we learn he was preparing to
tell some whoppers even before the
fall
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22

Dyer-What do you call your ma
chine, an automobile or a motorcar?
Hartley-I call 1t either when 1t
runs. When it doesn't, call 1t other
thinss.-Somerville Journal.
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22

Burns a Good Judge Of Books.
John Burns is said to have the best
working library of any member of the
English house Of parliament.
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22
He's a Climber,

Ascum-Did you ever get into a dis
cussion with Swellman? 1t doesn't
take long to get him up tree.
Wise-Especially II it's discussion
about society; he gets up his family
tree right away.
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22
H0USE
0Rk

Thousands of American women
in our homes are daily sacrificing
their lives to duty.
In order to keep the home neat
and pretty, the children well dressed
and tidy, women overdo. A female
weakness or displacement is often
brought on and they suffer in silence,
drifting along from bad to worse,
knowing well that they ought to
have help to overcome the pains and
aches which daily make life a burden.
1t is to these faithful women that
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22
Chinese Railway Bank.

A railway bank has been opened in
Peking under the direction OF Ii
Chintsz, a son of LII Hung Chang. Its
special object is railway finance.
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22
II Cures While You Walk.

Aliens Foot-Easc is a certain cure for
hot, sweating, cnllous, and swollen, aching
feet. Sold by all Druggists. Price 25c; Don't
Address Allen S. Olmstcd. lie Roy, N. Y.
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22

Garfield Tea is of particular benefit to
those subject to rheumatism and gout! 1t
puriiics the blood, clehnses the system and
cradcates disease. Drink before retiring.
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22
The WAY It's Said.

"These are the bridal rooms" an
nounced the bellboy to the blushing
young couple.
20, what sweet suite" exclaimed
the bride.
81 don't know anything about that"
said the bellboy. but the head clerk
says he hopes the suit suits"
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22
Eoruixeneas.

1.-THE state." sneered the convict
ed anarchist. What do / care for
the state?"
1.-The state" replied the court. "is
not inclined to repay your harshness
in kind. 1t will care for you for
ar."-Philadelphia Ledger.
The Springfield herald., 1908-05-22
The PhIIosonher.

PA, what is philosopher"
"A philosopher. Tommy, Is a man
who doesn't worry any about financial
stringencies, because he never has any
money."@Somerville Journal.