The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1908-01-10
WRITES SPEECH TO ORDER.
One Woman Finds 1t a Profitable Occupa-
tton.-Many Requests from Parents to
Prepare Graduation Addresses.

~ iNoW 1OIk, DcCcnDcr Alt
d |ssmawlSes no difference whether the
s#spccch is for feast or a funeral,
u a. ready to write it and
q guarantee satisfaction" The speak
d er was a young woman who occu-
& PIG IL, apartment i'll a studio build
ling only few doors from Fifth
"My charges are from $40
sSto sSsto $Ioo for a speech, and from S.
Mto $25 for teaching how it should
S%be delivered
H. "This is my busy season, for cv-
& .erybody who has any ambition to
4 be known as a speaker has some
b, thing to say at Christmas festivi-
= ties. If you will let me glance
over my books for moment I can
tell you just what I have on hand.
In the way of Christmas greetings,
at Christmas trees and such occas-
ions | have already delivered and
yet to be called for thirty-sevcn
speeches. OA this number only
four are to be taught. | mean on
ly four Of the thirty-scvcn persons
who arc to deliver them have come
to me to learn how to speak their
speeches. Six Of them are old pu-
pills and would have taken lessons
had l thought it necessary. Twenty
are new customers.
"There are just Io2 names on my
books for toasts and replies to
toasts to be delivered within the
next two months. Most of them re-
fer to Christmas, but others are
for Washington's birthday, Lin
coins birthday, Lees birthday, and
some few for St. Valentines. AS
to toasts On 'womcn,' our wives Or
our sweethearts' I keep supply
on hand. [ write them whenever
have moment to spare, knowing
only too well they will be taken off
my hands almost any day.
"Most of the women customers
want patriotic speeches or clcverly
worted toasts. Sometimes it is a
reply. TO the LADIES' but not Of
ten as one might expect AS rule
[ think that women who attend
mems dinners arc quite willing to
allow the men to do the talking. I
have had some amusing Incidents
connected with my women custom
ers, but nothing like the side-split-
ting affairs with the men.
"Therc is d certain man in this
town with something Of a rcputa-
ton as an after-dinner speaker, a
huDbrist, who comes to me for
every word he utters in public He
was among my first customers. A
few. weeks after I opened my Of
fee, when | was doing all the busi-
ness alone, that man appeared one
morning and stated his wants and
said he could only give me two
days to write the speech. He was
such an awkward ungainly sort
Of man that hadn't the slightest
suspicion Of his position. He didn't
say where the speech was to be de-
livcrcd, only gave me the subjects
said that he wanted something very
good and was quite willing to pay
for it.
"FTc was on hand promptly to get
the speech and as promptly turned
in the other half Of my fec for writ
ing it. Then he asked if would
object to reading it over to him.
AS this was to be his maiden effort
he wanted to hear just how it
would sound to his listeners. As
there was> nr lack Cf Sclf-confi-
dcncc, | suggested that he do the
reading and let nc make corrcc-
tons, if any were necessary. Such
reading, I never heard before and
never expect to hear again. Hc
= emphasized every and the and
but in the paper to such an extent
that the other words had no cxis-
tence. 1t was the funniest effort
at reading had ever heard. I
have considerable sclf-control. but
not enough to have taken me
through that mans performance.
When I began TO smile 7 simply
couldn't stop; thc laugh had to
, conc out When finally 7 could
control myself sufficiently to cx-
plain the man wasn't the slightest
.bit offended.
"'That is all right he replied.
I. 1T shall go that way. T want the
fellows to laugh. Don't matter if
!. the speech is intended to be scr