The Washington herald., 1908-02-23
EDITOR AS BOSWELL
HOW HENRY WATTERSON FINDS
HIMSELF INTERVIEWED.

To him who journeys overland there are
otked perils than those OF the impact of
locomotives and the unseen broken rail-
There is the hold-up in the station and
there IS the ambuscade in the lobby Of
the hotel: sometimes it is a pair Of cal
low legs, with a moonfaee Sttachment,
sent out by the city editor Ito try it on
a dog and sometimes Il Is Mr. Hawk
eye. the famous journalistic detective. IN
der direct and special orders from the
managing editor himself. Occasionally a
whole bunch OF the boys swoop down
upon you. and then it is take my repu-
tation, but spare my Hfe." or words 70
that effect, says Henry Wattersor in the
Courier-JournaL
Now, am grown mighty tired Of this
and 1 am resolved. at least once in my
life. to be accurately reported. I want
a frst-elass job. and as the sole means
to that end, and at the same time as a
sample Of my particular handicraft, I am
going to report myself I have the war
rant Of so good an authority as DR.. Oliver
Wendell Holmes for this; Every man
his own Roswell the autocrat pat upon
his title page. let me at least try 10
follow in his Hllstrious footsteps.
Colonel-they always say colonel
why I know mott CThe colonel took an
other whif from the long Cuba-six). 1t
is true that never used tobacco nor
smoked a cigar in my life but think of
q Kentuckian without his weed lie
might as well be without mustache or
a gun
What is il you want young man?''
says the colonel kindly. Have you lost
Ianything?"
no. sir. but I shall lose my job if
YOU refuse to talk"
Refuse TO talk. you jackanaPes,
what am here for but 70 talk? What
was this station built for but 10 shelter
me while / talk? What is that train
waiting for but to here me talk2 Do
you sec this grip. sir? II contains
nothing but six-shooters. mint juleps
and talk, sir, Fire away. sir. and 1
viii talk. ] viii talk 10 you. sir. like
any nightingale. so that the ladies
shall say. let him talk again"
We'll. ColOneI'-
YES. sir: 90 on. sir, don't be bashful
Insisted upon the sir" though they
mistakenly print it "sah." when if
they had any ear for music and verisi-
militude they would spell il sub
Cali Him Theodore
What DO you think Of Teddy
You mean the President. I suppose,
sir? Young man. when you speak Of
dignitaries give each his proper style
and title. Never caIlsa captain lieu
tenant nor general major The Presi-
dents name is Theodore, not Teddy
His other name Is Roosevelt. Oblige
me by saying either Mr.. Roosevelt or
Mr.. Theodore Roosevelt, or just plain
the President I think very we'll Of
him around about in spots, sir He
ought 10 have been the editor Of daily
newspaper The last time was in
london 1 heard the Lord Chancellor
say 10 the Archbishop OF Canterbury that
If Mr.. Theodore Roosevelt had charge Of
the London Times he would double its
circulation In fortnight The learned
prelate coneurred in the remark OF his
noble friend"
But. as Mr. Roosevelt is not the
editor Of the London Times. nor likely 10
be. how about him as President Of the
United States?''
The Colonel COrnered.
Now. there YOU corner me" The
colonel obviously began 10 be interested.
20 drop the tone Of sarcasm with x. "
and 10 wear the air OF man who was
ready 10 set down to business. There
you put me 70 thinking. sir. II Teddy
were Buly-excuse my French,-the thing
would be dead easy. But Teddy being
/ Teddy, Theodore being Theodore. Roose-
velt being Rooseveh-and all OF them Re
publicans-it is a kind Of conundrum-"
But that last message Of his" the re-
porter ventured; wasn't that a corker?''
The colonel frowned. Young man.
says he. never use slang. Nothing so III
becomes a writer for the press II slang.
Nothing so gives a reporter away as
slang. Say sockdolager. sir. It was
sOckdolager. Too long for pert para
graph. TOO piQuant and spicy for ser
mon; it most reminded me of one of Nj
George Bernard Shaw's prefaces-mu-
sicalIy speaking. a prelude in G sharp
taking the high c. as in the oIden time
an Irish thoroughbred might take
six-barred gate"
Its philosophy
splendid
Its morality"
sublime"
Its politics."
a cross betwiXt Felix Alder and Cea-
sar's Commentaries. with a dash OF
Tom Lawson. The President is a
mdny-sided man. He must delight in
private theatricals as much as in out
door amusements. such as bearhunting
and riding or walking through the rain
And he is a good actor, too when he
puts on some Of those togs he stole
frena Mr.. Bryan. when Bryan thought
he was in swimming. and marches
down TO the fOOtlights 10 fire of two hOss
pistols he looks just like the peerless
Nebraskan. One can fancy he sees
Bryan just behind doing the gesture
play, though, to complete the imper-
sonatiOn, Mr.. Bryan should extend one
hand through the arms OF Mr.. ROose-
Welt and twirI the fingures from the
Presidential nose as If TO say. Don't
we apples swim7'
All Are Dee-Iighted.
Champ Clark seems 20 be delighted"
"Why not? We are all delighted.
John Tyler saved the country from
high tariff and the bank. Andrew
Johnson rescued the nation from the
Mexicanizing process Of old Ben WADE
{ and Thaddeus stephens. But RoOse-
velt is as giant tc these. He has
taken the hydra headed monster Of
plutocracy by the jaws and split him
wide open spilIing his entrails all the
way from the ROckeyfellowships Of the
/ Chicago University 10 the oil tanks oF