Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1908-09-23
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Lone Widow-Poor, dear man! He
lived only three months after our mar
riage. Old Jenkins AS long
as that, mum?-Judge.
The Husband (durng the quarrel)-
you're always making bargains. Was
there ever time when you didn't? The
Wife-Yes. sir; on my wedding day.
She-Why are artists always SO care
ful to sign their paintings? He-To
indicate which is the top and which is
the bottom Of the picture.-The Sphinx.
Il suppose you know why you are
hereT asked the Judge severely. ayes,
sir" answered the prisoner. 81 wuz
drug here. "-Birmingham Age Herald.
us this section presperous?" "You
bet 1t u.s." answered the Kansas farmer.
Il kin spread net any time and snake
grand piano out Of a cyclone" Pitts.
burg Post.
Poor Tom, 1t cost him terrible lot
to give up his sweetheart" "Then why
did he?" Because it would have cos.
him great deal more il (he hadn't."-
The Taller.
Lecturing Philanthropist (home from
China)-You know, my dear people,
the prisons there are not the sort Of
places to which you and are accus.
tomed.-Puck.
Railway Conductor-Is there room In
there for this man? Young Men In
Compartment-Impossible. Just about
room enough for the two ladies.-Elie-
gende Blaetter. Pc =
DO you consider your nerve is suil,.
GENTLY steady to tit you tor an airship
nayigator?' well, I've been out In a
canoe with a nervous fat girl."-Cleye.
land Plain Dealer.
Every man is the architect Of his
own fortune" quoted the Wise Guy.
Yes, but he wants to keep solid with
the building inspectors" added the
Simple Mug.-Philadelphia Record.
sapleigh-A bwick fell from build
Ing two yeahs ago and knocked me
senseless. Miss Caustique-Indeed!
And does your physician think you will
ever get over it?-Chicago Daily News.
Her Husband-lf man steals, no
matter what 1t is, he will live to regret
1t. His Wife-During our courtship
you used to steal kisses from me. Her
Husband-Well, you heard what said.
Wife-What luck? Husband-Non
whatever. Wife-Were there no ser.
wants at the intelligence once? Hus-
band-Yes, lots Of them. but they had
all worked for US before.-Saturday
Sunset.
Have you ever been cross-examined
before?" inquired barrister of wit.
ness who was occupying his attention.
Have I J" exclaimed the man. "DIdn't
| just tell you am married ?"-stray
Stories.
Magistrate (sternly)--Didn't 1 tell
you the last time you were here / nev.
er wanted you to come before me
again2 Prisoner-Yes. sir; but L
couldn't make the police believe 1T
Tft-Bits.
Hotel Proprietor-Sir. you cannot
leave this hotel until you pay your bill.
Mr.. o. A. Lott-Ah at last have found
a man generous enough to grant me the
one thing have always desired-a per.
manent home. Z.
Should man so to college after
fifty !" well, he might pass muster
at tennis" answered the expert. but
a man can't expect to do much in base
ball or football Mt that Louis.
vile Courier Journal.
II fell out of the window of my fat
yesterday" "And you are on the fourth
floor. That was terrible" YES; L
don't know how to face the janltor. I'm
sure I've violated some clause In my
lease. Washington Herald.
Your husband says he works like a
dog" said one woman. Eyes, it's very
Similar answered the other. "He
comes in with muddy feet. makes him
self comfortable by the fire, and waits
to be fed Washington Star.
II always hate to pass an Ice cream
saloon when I'm walking with my girl"
1--WE never happened to pass one when
I was out with my girl" .4That's
strange. How do you manage it?" II
don't manage 1t; she does. She always
insists on going In"
The little daughter of homeopathic
physician received ring with pearl
In it on the Christmas tree. Two days
later she poked her head. tearfully in
at the door Of her fathers Office.
Papa" she sobbed, papa, I've lost
the little pill out of my ring"
81 guess pa must have passed lot
of time at the dentists when he was
In New York." said Johnny Green.
"Why do you think so?r querIed his
ma. "Cause 1 heard him tell man
to-day that 1t cost him nearly $500 to
get his eye-tooth cut" replied Johnny.
/ = Chfro no Nnuc