The daily tribune., 1908-10-28
Deacon Fosters
Grab Bag
n wss . Big surpri.. to All er...n,

The proprietor of the corner grocery
had Just hidden the cheese and put
tho cracker barrel behind the counter
In Anticipation Of the usual Saturday
night crowd, when Sam Stiles saun-
tered In with his molasses jug and
kerosene can.
Hello. Sam" cried the proprietor
In glad hand voice. "How's things
down your way? BY ther way, Sam.
what was goin' on at ther church fair
Thursday night? hear as how Deacon
Foster got all excited like an said thet
while prayin' was all right there was
times when 1t wouldn't fill ther bill
like good ole cussin.'?"
He was goin' some," answered Sam
with q reflective smile. land fer a
while everybody was kind O. feared
dish wheel. Ye see ther deacon Is
full O. schemes fer coilectin' money
fer ther church, an when 1t was kind
O noised around the he was goin' ter
spring somethin' new at ther fair
everybody hiked fer ther town hall
Purity soon ther deacon come In
with his new scheme, which looked
for all the world like two-bushel
bag o pertaters, an after ther par
son had made q few remarks fer ther
benefit o their sinners what was still
lholdin' back, ther deacon stepped up
on ther platform.
Dear brothers an beloved sisters,
said he in his hoss tradin' voice. I
hsv arranged somethin' new fer your
edification an pleasure an hev every
reason ter believe thet 1t will be ther
sensation O. ther evening. In this bag
are several carefully wrapped pack
ages, an fer ther small sum O. five
conts ye will be permitted ter grab
any one ye like. which O. course must
be opened In full view O. ther audi
ence. All ther packages is useful as
well As ornamental, an some O them
will make ye feel like claspin' hands
an singin' songs O praise. Now then,
who will be the first to take a pack
age from ther grab bag?
''All hands kind O. baked bashful-
like fer while, but purity son 81
Gimp was coaxed ter start ther game,
and from ther gingerly way thet he
picked out one O. ther packages ye
might hsy thought he was monkeyin'
with hornets nest 81 wouldn't open
1t, an Mandy, thinkin' thet 1t might
be candy, got on ther Job herself In
5es' two seconds she had ther paper
tore on, an instead O. candy she found
she had q nursin' bottle like mother
used ter use. First she blushed,
then she turned red, and then she
blushed again.
In ther meantime ther Ladies' aid
acted as II they was shocked, an ther
parson glanced at ther deacon an said
he was surprised. Their deacon said
he was surprised, too. an offered a
pan O scrapple when he killed hogs
to anyone who would tell him how
ther nursin' bottle got inter the bag
Nobody made a bid fer ther pan O.
scrapple. an when ther deacon had
argued himself inter good standin'
agtn an Mandy found she wasn't half
grab bag game went on. Their parson
put up Ave cents an made a grab, an
80 did one O. ther Ladies' aid an Dave
Sleeper. All three O them started
ter open ther packages at the same
time, an when ther returns was count
ed ther parson had half pint O.
whisky, ther Ladies' aid sister had a
deck O. cards. an Dave Sleeper had 4
lot o poker chips.
We'll. sir ye jes oughter seen thet
crowd. Their nursin bottle was bad
enough, but half pints an poker was
exceedin ther speed limit, an ther
way them distracted sisters tried to
throw q 10-horss power faint on 1--WE
pounds O steam was sight ter see,
even II ye had ter take a knothole in
ther fence instead O. ther grandstand.
Them thet wasn't tryin ter faint was
maxim = noise thet sounded like big
talk. One O. them was marchin'
around like George Washington. an
other was smellin' O. ther parsons
half pint ter see II 1t was ther real
stuff. an still another was tellin' her
husband what she would do ter the
deacon's face II she was u man.
''As soon as he was able to move
without help ther parson made an
other dive fer ther grab bag without
putin up ther nickel an out come
more chips. more cards an another
half pint or two. Then the parson
had 4 few things ter say thet didn't
include ther Doxology CT Benediction,
an told the deacon In plain words
thet he was a bum citizen to talk
about savin' sinners. This made ther
deacon as hot as the middle OF Au.
gust.
He declared thet what he put In thet
bag was Testaments. candy, an that
some dod-blasted heather thet he was
goin' to wallup first an fergive after.
ward. had played Joke on him. with
his coat OF an sleeves rolled up, ther
deacon WAS 30 convincin' thet ther