davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Elbert County tribune., 1908-08-27
He Won't Always Be One.

Il have a clerk" New York whole
sale merchant remarked the other
day, land he sometimes manages to
hand back a rather good one, though
as rule he is little short of stupid,
apparently. AS a matter of fact, /
suppose he is one of those dreamy sort
of chaps, and you can never tell about
that kind.
IL was sorry after said it," he con-
tinued. but recently he had made a
most unnecessary blunder, and | lost
my temper.
Il say, JONES' I sneered, you'd
make a pretty good clerk, maybe, II
you had little more sense'
"He looked at me for minute with
sort of half smile. Didn't 1t ever oc-
cur to you, Mr.. Brown he said, that
IL had little more sense wouldn't
be clerk at all?"-Chicago Record
Herald.
The Elbert County tribune., 1908-08-27
RINK OWN
HOW UMPIRE TIM HURST
HANDED 1T TO COOLEY
Latter Tried to Be Put Out of Contest,
But Veteran Was On to
His Game.

OF all umpires before or since there
are none that have had so much news
paper space accorded to them as the
chubby little umpire. Tim Hurst. says
the Washington Post. There has
never been one who has ruled the field
with the same rod of iron as has Sir
Timothy. and this in the days when
ball players were men who would as
soon trim an umpire as they would at
tend to any OF the ordinary avocations
of the day.
Such fistic giants OF the grassy dia-
mond as Pat Tebeau. Jimmy McAllis-
ter, Jack O'Connor. Glasscock, Virgil
Garvin and many others too numerous
to mention, who made 1t point to go
after the umpires OF decade and more
ago, never tried any OF their games
on Hurst and came out of the big
end of the horn. Tim always won out
hands down. and, in addition, made
the other fellows eat crow of the bit
terest variety. Hurst always adapted
himself to the situation in hand. and.
as the song goes In the opera of The
Mikado.' he invariably made the
punishment fit the crime"
Bill Bernhard, when In Washington
last year with the Cleveland Club. told
a story concerning Hurst and Dick
Cooley. who was then member of the
Philadelphia team, as was Bernhard.
himself. The story. which has per-
haps never before been in print, treats
OF one day when Cooley, in running
backward to make a difficult catch.
fell over on his head and, In addition.
got such shaking up that he asked
his manager to allow him to retire
from the game. but Dick was a swell
batter, and the manager, thinking
that he was taking. refused his re-
quest.
But Cooley was surely hurt badly.
for he began to miss balls and also to
strike out, and then he suddenly
thought Of a plan that would enable
him to get out OF the game, and he
started In to abuse Hurst. but Tim was
wise to the situation, and he let Dick
Chew the rag to his hearts content.
and as Bernhard says, 1t was esti-
mated by Tom Sampson. the mathe-
matician of the Philadelphia team.
that Dick did enough to be fined. at
the smallest calculation, $1,000. and
to be put out of the game for 355
years.
Every decision made Dick would
come running in and would abuse Tim
frightfully. but Hurst. with knowing
smile on his face, would wave him to
one side. Finally after an unusually
fervid burst of bIllingsgate. Dick.
sticking his face close up to Tins.
shrieked:
Going to chase me from the game.
eh?"
Nav" leisurely replied Tim; I'm
going to keep you In the game. just
to show the people what bum ball
player you really are"
The Elbert County tribune., 1908-08-27
FUNGUS in STOMACH KILLS.
Grows from PInhead to cocoanut Size,
Causing Agony to Girl.

London. Eng.-Sprouting from a
grain of oats or barley, fungus
caused the death of girl is years old
in Sheffield, and an autopsy revealed
that the fungus had grown In the stom
ach to the size of a cocoanut The
growth had sent out roots. which had
invaded all the surrounding organs
and the girl died in agony.
The case is held to be one of the
strangest in medical records in this
country. About a month ago the girl
complained Of pains In her stomach.
and dozen physicians differed in
their diagnoses. AS 1t turned out, all
were wrong. The girl gradually grew
worse, each day adding to her suffer
ing, until she died. The autopsy was
performed and four doctors testified
to what was found.
The doctors said that when a grain
of oats or barley was eaten a tiny
vegetable parasite. known as ray fun
gus, was growing on it.. This para
site was not killed by being eaten. In
stead. 1t thrived and grew until, the
size Of cocoanut. 1t killed the girl.
The Elbert County tribune., 1908-08-27

group. 1t took about two months
for him to get over the wonder of
splendid sunsets. In time he got used
to the sunsets and beside this in
evitable daily phenomenon there are
but the sunrise and the food and ebb
tide to fall back on, His duties were
largely joke. There was nobody to
talk to but natives and even when
Reid got to understand their lingo he
was not much better off.
The worst thing was the fact that
the world was always half year
ahead OF him. His newspapers and
letters we're six months old when he
got them. He wrote that the one
thing that was keeping up his spirits
was the prospect of seeing the Ameri-
can battle-ship fleet sail past. He
waited In vain for this pageant. The
delay in mails had put him in the
awkward fix of writing to friends who
had been months in the grave. He
called himself the loneliest man in the
world and this loneliness soon became
a disease. He was sick of the spar.
king beauty of the Pacific with its
noHOtonouS sunshine ana SO1I traue
winds. What he wanted was a real
Canadian snowstorm and somebody to
talk to.
After a while Reid spent his days
in hammock when he was not eat
ing and drinking. He ended 1t by
shooting himself. first writing a caus.
tic letter to his firm telling them that
1t is only once in while that an
anywhere near normal man can be
an exile and keep his grip on his
nerve. A coroner's jury journeyed
over to Reid's stronghold and re.
turned verdict denouncing the cruel
ty of cutting a man off from the rest
of his kind.
Wherever I am going" wrote Reid
to friend. there will be somebody
else there"
The Elbert County tribune., 1908-08-27

which will be fought and finished in
side of the next three years"
AS for the mysterious Helen Of New
York" Gourdain refuses to disclose
her identity until an appointed date.
This much l may say: She is an
American born, young. handsome,
rich and possesses great business abil-
ity. She has common sense and is of
royal descent; also very popular in
American society. She has consented
to lead our cause.
Regarding her marriage, which will
be necessary to secure her throne, we
prefer European prince to an Ameri-
can street sweeper. The queen shall
be assisted by house OF lords, a
house of commons.
The nobility will be made the
state bosses.
THE monarchy will weld all the diff
ferent races. making up the American
people into one great nation. The fact
is we badly need a change in America.
We think we are free. but we are not.
The Russian, who is supposed to be
downtrodden. would not stand for such
condition of affairs for "a hours.
The English people would not toler-
ate them 60 seconds.
Look at American Justice where
cases are dragging through the courts.
Here they either liberate or hang
the prisoners in few weeks.
Our financial state is rotten and
with feeling Of insecurity.
ssr-ba&
wrong. We neither rule ourselves nor
have an autocrat rule us. We are just
between the two.
The coronation of Helen OF New
York will take place In Washington. y
The Elbert County tribune., 1908-08-27
Man Carries His Leg Home.

Wilkesbarre, Pa.-Carrving his am
putated leg in his arm, John Ortkuski.
who had it cut off on the Lehigh Val
ley railroad, crawled a quarter of a
mile in an effort to reach White
Haven. He was discovered by rail
readers. Ortkuski was thrown under
the wheels of freight train while
trying to jump aboard. and his left leg
was cut of at the knee. He bound the
stump in his shirt and stopped the
bleeding. and then, carrying the am
putated leg in his arms. crawled On.
His remarkable courage and strength
took the breath Of the physicians.
They believe he will recover
The Elbert County tribune., 1908-08-27
The Wrong iowa City.

Yesterday a guest at the Savoy ho-
tel called the office on the house
phone. says Bide Dudley in the Den
yer Post. One of the bellboys an
swered
Can you let me have davenport
in this room?" asked the guest.
Wait; I'll see." was the reply
The bellboy then went to the clerk
Say, Mr.. Tudor" he said, "the man
in 66S wants to know If he can have
Des Moines in his room"
The Elbert County tribune., 1908-08-27
LIFE OF THE AVERAGE
BALL PLAYER Is SHORT
Strenuous Training Each Spring and
Temptations to Drink Hard
on Majority.

Just now while the annual Cy Young
and George Van Haltren stories are
going the rounds and the baseball
writer's are using up reams of paper
telling how long these men have been
in the game. a lot OF folks are wonder
Ing. why so many ball players last
few seasons, go back to the minors,
and then disappear entirely.
The average baseball life is gem
orally conceded to be somewhere be-
tween 10 and IL years. A man may
work In a rolling mill 12 hours a day
for 20 years, he can make duplicate
watches and high-grade works OF art
for a score of years. he can engage in
all sorts OF work that requires skin
and good eyesight for perhaps twice
as long as an average ball player re-
tains his skill, and there must be some
good reason for this
II is noticeable fact that all tho
ball players who have been in tho
game for years and who still play as
they used to, never lay on and loaf
for long periods Ball players by the
hundreds quit all kinds of work when
the season ends In the middle OF Oc-
tober and do not do a tap OF work
until March, when their clubs go
south.
Then the winter laggards have to
swelter and work in hot climate to
get down to playing weight. Taking
of weight rapidly always saps a mans
strength, as those who grow fat In
the winter are in a weakened condi-
tion for several weeks and cannot do
themselves Justice.
The temptations to drink and lead
a fast life are greater In baseball
than In the more prosaic occupations.
A star bali player is much sought,
and hundreds of hangers on in places
where ball player shouldn't be are
tickled half to death II the diamond
hero will join them in good time"
A lot OF the younger fellows fall for
1t and in consequence come back in
the spring in mighty poor shape.
An observer could name two dozen
veterans OF the American league who
slow up just little each season, who
work. and work to distraction each
spring to catch on by the time the
season starts. yet who spend their win
ters in luxurious idleness. It seems q
queer way OF doing.
Some one has suggested that club
months contract. and run a wood
chopping brigade or a pedestrian club
in the winter time. But the managers
and magnates have enough woes keep
Ing the men going during the season.
The Elbert County tribune., 1908-08-27
REVOLVER SHOT ENDS
EXILE'S LONELY LIFE
ALLEN REID UNABLE TO eEAE
ISOLATED EXISTENCE ON
PACIFIC ISLAND.

vancouver. B. C.-Marooned by busi-
ness on a tiny island in mid Pacific.
Allen heid, manager for the Anchor
investment Company of Winnipeg. and
the loneltest man." killed himself.
He did this as much out of the old
human desire for something to happen
as for anything else.
Get another man to fool with" he
wrote to his company.
feid' as manager had n house and
servants and when he first became
established his letters home echoed
his giee at being the potentate OF
Graham island in the Charlotte
The Elbert County tribune., 1908-08-27
GOSSIP OF THE DIAMOND

Manager Murray made a good move
when he pulled Lefthander Foxen
from Jersey City. He has more than
made good.
Managers who stand for players
who insult umpires are worse than
the players, and poor baseball assets,"
declares an eastern baseball man.
Thomas Tuokey. pitcher OF tho
Meriden team OF the Connecticut
league. has been sold to the Boston
Nationals for 81 800. It was announced
that Capt Gus Soffel Of the Meriden
team will go with the Boston team at
the end of the Connecticut league
season.
Jimmy Kane OF Cincinnati Is tho
lightest man in the National league.
He weighs about 122 pounds. but is as
feet as any fielder in the game and
can stick nicely.
The Cincinnati Reds will surely
have a great string OF young pitchers
on hand next spring. They have al
ready signed about dozen. the lateLt
being Russell Ford OF Atlanta in the
Southern league.
Big Ed Walsh Of the Chicago
Americans has pitched more games
than any other big league pitcher Hc
has now performed in excess OF 30
games. which Is a seasons work for
many so-called crack pitchers. He
certainly is a willing horse
The Elbert County tribune., 1908-08-27
Jeffries Likes Baseball.

James j. Jeffries is about to take
hand in baseball. Unless the unex-
pected happens he will buy an interest
IN the new Los Angeles. Cal, fran
chise, which was awarded at the last
meeting OF the Pacific Coast league.
Jeffries has always been a baseball
crank. When he was travelling about
the country defending his title against
a.i comers he never overlooked a
chance to take in a game, and since
he has retired from the ring he has
been an ardent supporter of the An
gels. Several prominent sporting men
will join Jeffries as a stakeholder.
The Elbert County tribune., 1908-08-27
Bolt Kills Dog in Mans Lap.

Clayton. Pa.-Many freaks Of light
ming are reported during a recent
storm. Little Harry Lucet, who
watched the lightning. said the sky
was full of Chinese writing" Lum-
herman Frank M. Crane was at Lam
disville. There he saw man who
was painting a sign when the storm
came up. A frightened dog jumped
on the mans lap. A streak Of light
ming encircled the mans neck. passed
down to the dog aud killed 1t instantly.
The sign painter was blinded for about
three minutes. but felt no other eff
fects of the lightning after his sight
returned to him.
The Elbert County tribune., 1908-08-27
The Omaha Grain Exposition.

The greatest grain exposition ever
held in the world will be from Decem-
ber 9th to 18th, inclusive, at Omaha
Nebraska. Although this is called the
National Corn Exposition, the word
corn is used in its broadest sense and
includes all the grains and grasses.
Last year this exposition was held
in Chicago; the value of all premiums
offered at that time was over $4,000;
this year the prizes will exceed this
amount.
The largest prizes offered. and those
that will have the largest number OF
entries, are the sweepstakes prizes for
the best corn, wheat and oats. The
Colorado farmers cannot hope to win
the corn prize; but they should put
forth their best efforts to capture the
wheat and oats prize.
Nearly all the western states have
raised funds or offered specials for
the best wheat and oats from their
state, in order to encourage large
exhibit; SO far Colorado is the only
state that has not supplemented the
premiums offered by the exposition
The prize for the best wheat is val
ued at $500. The grain will be milled
In the Exposition building, and the
flour baked.
Can you realize what the winning of
this prize means to a state? Can you
realize how much advertising Colorado
would get all over the world should
we be fortunate enough to land the
prize? We can do it If we will con-
tribute something so as to be able to
offer some prizes as encouragement to
the grain growers.
Your cooperation is asked in this
matter; we must act without delay.
Next month the premius list will be
published and then it will be too late.
Address all communications to F.
Knorr, Secretary Colorado Grain and
Seed Growers Association, Fort Col
Inns, Colorado.
The Elbert County tribune., 1908-08-27
Minor Leauuers Come Hioh.

According TO baseball official who
knows. purchase prices for minor
league players are running pretty stifr
this season. The $1,000 paid by the
New York Nationals for Pitcher Mar
guard is sample. That amount was
paid. too. One American league club
bid $500.
The Elbert County tribune., 1908-08-27
The Right View.

I'm at liberty to have one-sided
views" insisted the pessimist.
"Of course" agreed the optimist.
but 1t wouldn't hurt you to look on
the bright side occasionally"
The Elbert County tribune., 1908-08-27
COLORADO HAS
LIVE SENATOR
aueoENHEiM UNTIRINe IN EF-
FORTS ON BEHALF OF HIS
STATE.
HAS SPLENDID RECORD
LEGISLATION SECURED BY HIM
GIVES COLORADO NEEDED
APPROPRIATIONS.

Washington, d. C.-In the final sum-
ming up of legislative results of the
first session of the Sixtieth Congress.
1t is found that Colorado interests
Jared unusually we'll. The stata not
only shares in many general items of
legislation beneficial to the West. such
as the increased payment to the state
of from ten to twenty-five per cent. of
forest receipts, but in local benefits ex.
cccds many of her neighbors.
This was due to the untiring zeal and
energy of the states new member in
the upper chamber, Senator Guggen-
helm.
First of all, Colorado led all Of the
states in the country. excepting one.
Illinois. in the amount appropriated
for public buildings, and for this Sen.
Guggenheim deserves mstinted praise.
The house public building committee
gave Colorado scant recognition-in
fact, in it's report on the omnibus pub
knock" the people Of Denver for In
sisting upon a general public building,
instead of meekly taking a measly
postoffice building costing not over
100000. as the committee deemed the
city should have.
Before the bill reached the Senate
for action, Senator Guggenheim had
offered an amendment to it, giving
Denver 81, 100000. the amount estimat.
ed by the supervising architect as nee
essary to erect suitable building,
commensurate with the needs of the
city, on the site already selected
bought and paid for. He fortified his
amendment with figures and statistics
and made personal appeals to his
friends among both the Republican and
Democratic members.
Senator Guggenheim made a ten
strike in the matter by personally Sc
curing the active aid of Chairman Scott
and the next ranking member of the
committee, Senator Warren. These
two senators were instrumental, not
only in having Denver put in the bill
lDut as illcilDtiS Vi tnS toultItuC1 COll-
mittee they were able to keep 1t there
after a long, stiff fight with the house
members of the committee, being
forced, however. to cut the amount OF
Senator Guggenheim's amendment
= from 81 800, 900 to 81, SOC, 900. a decrease
which probably will be remedied by
subsequent legislation.
Senator Guggenheim was equally
successful in his efforts to secure an
appropriation for the enlargement OF
Fort Logan. and to obtain perpetual
water rights for the post In this he
worked systematically as if the mat
ter were private business enterprise
Through his attorneys he secured op-
tions on the required lands and water
rights, and was thus enabled to go
before the War Department and the
military and appropriations committees
of the Senate with a clean cut def
mite business proposition. He secured
favorable reports from the War De
partment and the military affairs com.
mittee of the Senate upon his bill
providing for the improvements
passed 1t through the Senate and, REQ.
ognizing the impossibility of passing II
through the House in the congestion
of business caused by the prevailing
filibuster, he offered his bill as an
The Elbert County tribune., 1908-08-27

Provides Work for Many Horses.
The delivery of London's milk re-
Quires $500 horses.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1908-01-09

q complete surprise to all friends Of
the young woman.
Game Warden S. B. Kirkoff seized
on a train between Rice Lake and
Eau Claire, a box containing venison.
It was en- route TO Chicago. Joseph
Vinople, who shipped the box, was ar
raigned before Justice Kingsley at
Barron, and paid a fine of $40
Warden Kirkoff is also on the track OF
some cases Of illegal fishing in Saw.
yer county. He has the names Of the
guilty parties.
The Kenosha chief Of police has
notified the officials at Longmount
Colo, to arrest Miss Lena Klemme, a
young woman who left for the Colo
RADIO city at the same time as Ohme
Schaffer, a Kenosha barber, wanted on
charge Of kidnapping, disappeared
Miss Klemme is a member of a vel
known family at Sheboygan, and it Is
alleged that she came to Kenosha anC
worked as a domestic in order thai
she might be near Schaffer, with
whom she was infatuated. The war
rant for the arrest of Miss Klemmt
charges a statutory crime. Schaffel
has notified the local officials that h
will not return to Kenosha withou
requisition papers, and an appeal 70
such papers will be made to Gov
Davidson at once.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1908-01-09
ERATRIC|DE GETS
HIS FROM SHERIFF

Chattanooga, Tenn, Jan. 5.-Garrett
Hedden, who six years ago murdered
his brother in Polk county, Tonnes
see, was Saturday shot and killed by
Sheriff Biggs of that county. He'd
den's 1S-year-oId son was shot by
members of the sheriff's posse and
died a few minutes later. Since He'd
den committed the murder he had
been at liberty and there had been no
effort made to take him. the officers
hesitating to invade the almost i'm
penetrable mountain Businesses.
Lately Hedden became so defiant that
he made frequent trips to Benton and
openly def1ed arrest. Biggs Saturday
organized a strong posse and went
after him. 1t is rumored that noun
tain friends of Hedden are organizing
for the purpose of ayenging his death
and that they will raid Benton with
the object of killing Biggs. The sher-
if is prepared to repulse such an at
tack.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1908-01-09
TOBACCO WAR
LESS VIOLENT
AUTHORITIES DETERMINE TO
PUNISH THE GUILTY
NIGHT RIDERS.

all is apparently quiet in the war be-
Louisville, KY, Jan. 7-Although
tween the tobacco growers of Ken
lucky and Tennessee, against the
American Tobacco company, the de-
velopments of yesterday have given
great uneasiness. TIE town of Rus
sellvilIe, which was raided by night
riders early yesterday morning, is
quiet, but the authrities were on the
alert to prevent any repetition of the
outrages. State Fire Marshal Ayres
Is On his way to Russellville and will
begin immediate investigation Of the
raid which resulted in the shooting
of three men by the riders, the burn
ing of two tobacco warehouses and a
planning mill and partial destruction
Of three smaller buildings. The
county Judge and court officials mott
fed Governor Wilson that a special
term of the court would be called to
consider the evidence brought out by
the investigation and that extraOrdin-
airy efforts would be made to appre-
bend and punish the guilty parties.