The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-08

With all sorts of burglar-proof things an electric alarm, mysterious window catches, a noisy dog, two pistols, one shotgun, a coliclSy baby and MT. Fan shawe's insomnia. Yet, in spite of such model safeguards, the burglars made very pretty job of it. Therefore, Gar dendale was beyond the point of speech.
 Since the burglar age began the town police had not captured single house-breaker. The Citizens Protec- tive association and its two watch men also had zero score. The in- dividual citizens, beyond firing stray shots, blowing whistles and footing tin horns at unreasonable hours, were in the same state of impotence. Sew eral of the men folk wore the distinc- tion of having seen burglars, few of having shot at them, but nobody ex cept MT. McIvor ever claimed to have hit one, and he could not produce the target.
 The park section of Gardendale con- tained a transplanted colony of city folk who settled there because 1t was carefully restricted. You had to have 80 many feet of land to build on your house must not have flat roof, 1t must not be tenement. store or two family dwelling-in short. it had to -SNA~ prohibitions that the park was highly selected and ostentatiously proud of it. self.
 But it was not restricted against bur glars. Since the coming of the first, nearly a year ago, Gardendale passed it's nights in a state of excitement and suspense. "The Brace and Bit Gang began it. They had villainous way of boring a circle of holes around the lock on a gentleman's door and then removing the lock. Half a dozen front and back doors were neatly bored be- fore the Brace and Bit Gang became compassionate and quit.
 A month had not elapsed before un- pretentious yet effective jimmy wield CTS came to spend their evenings. They made a speciality of sp1intering Win dow sashes, and they were workman like about it. The second story men who followed them occasioned less alarm, because they worked during the family dinner hour and did nor give people horrors in the middle Of the night. However, they prospered. They got less of the parks silverware, but more of its jewelry. But the com ing of the hold-up brigade was really a very serious matter. Three respecten citizens. who had been detained In town until the last train, were further de- tained on their walks from the railroad station by insistent wayfarers
 Gardendales failure to catch or an nilate burglar was not due to lack OF effort. After the first affair at MT. Gates house the men bought reVol- yers. When they had demonstrated the cir inability to hit live targets at unknown distances on dark nights they bought dogs. There was the small, noisy and cowardly dog; the alert ano pugnacious dog and the large, silent and morose dog, each househ older puy- ing according to his fancy and Judg- ment. Some of the dogs parked when heir owners came home late and then slept the rest of the night. MT. brit- toms bull terrier showed promise, pe- cause one dark night, as MT. Britton sat foot on his own porch, the dog quite unexpectedly began to chew ms leg. But MT. Britton got his pistol ana ungratefully shot "the only really good dog in the park This seemed to dis courage the other dogs, who therearter gave their time to fighting among th emselyes, killing cats and rootlhg up flower beds. .
 Electric burglar alarms went off Wltn and without burglars so impartially Una after a while the Gardendale citizen wouio merely turn off the switch, cuss the gong and 20 back to bed. MT. Finch invented scheme of his own. The central idea was to welcome burglars with uncanny hospi- tality and disarm them through their own astonishment. At night he hung sign on the front door, Don't use brace ana plt or a jimmy The dining room window IS unlocked" If they should venture inside after this they would find little placaros telling where to seek booty and now lo get 1t without damaging the furniture or kl,4 Pov,a iIxr r. Finch found that the front door had been jimmied remorselessly, the drawers In uhe sideboard defaced, pictures cut out or their frames, Oriental rugs stained With some of his choicest claret, and every thing in general state of wreck. lie couldn't understand it until he found this note on tho dining room table:
 Mi partner Bill done this. Bill done the work while staid on the walk and dident come in til he had 1t all packed up. Then I seen them sines and lme sorry about the damage. Bill can't reed or rite"
 It was MT. Hitchkiss who devised brilliant plan to give Gardendale repu- tation for thief killing-such desperate name that no burglar would even venture within it's precincts again. He wrote to the city papers thrilling story or the killing of a burglar. He said when the burglars reau lIltt Sloiy ehSy "o- = Gardendale alone. It was such a good story that the papers sent reporters out to Gardendale to work 1t up, with DIG lures. The reporters wrote some me stories. but not the kind that Gardendaie expected MT. Hotchkiss' popularity Ien so rapidly that it could be heard to whlzz through the air and some of the Fark neople changed their newspapers ana talked about libel suits.
 It was no wonder, therefore, when MT. E,anshawe told the news of his robbery to bis fellow members at the Greenlawn Golf cluf that they fell into a state of despondency.
 "Whats the use of trying to keep 'em ortq said MT. Gates disgustedly. Dogs babies. watchmen, guns. alarms-tney aren't worth a hoorah, the lot of en-.
 a"J have an idea' said MT. Jackson, that we haven't got the right kind of alarms"
 "Hotchkiss had an idea. too," growled MT Fanshawe, "and 1t made asses out of us.''
 "Now, you listen to my idea said MT. Jackson. i've been talking about It to Wilson and hes helped to work 1t out"
 It was long and earnest session that the club held.
 Late in June Mrs. Wilson was away on a visit to her mother and MT Wilson was living all by himself and getting his meals at the club, It was midnight when he awoke. surprised to find gas jet burn ing dimly. He was wondering sleepuy aho,,t 1t, when slight tinkle attracted his attention and he twisted his head Tn the direction of the dresser. There was a man standing in front of 1t, his back