The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1908-09-04
= hsHFS
5ON
~NNN~NNO~~

up the collection. Bohemian.
Caller Ito chiid)- this papa's little
boy or mammals little boy? Child
Dunno; the Judge hasn't decided yet
Life.
Hyker-Bronson tells me he is taking
mud baths now Pyker-Why, thought
he was out of politics.-Chicago Daily
| News
She-It's funny you should be so tall.
Your brother, the artist is short, isn't
he? He (absently)-Yes, usually
Town and Country.
HAS the patient a generous reserve
force nurse?" mo, doctor; he has
nothing but mean temperature. -
Baltimore American.
Grace-So you have at last made up
your mind to marry Jack? Lola-Yes,
I'm tired Of having him hang around
The house every evening.-Chicago Daily
News.
Don't you ever get homesick, cap
tain| asked the passenger on the ocean
liner. mo; I'm never home long
enough" replied the captain.-Ex-
change.
Bronson-My next-doOr neighbor is
always looking ahead for trouble.
Woodson-For example Bronson
Well, this morning | saw him sharp
ening his lawn mower.
Miss DeMuir-I wish could think
of some new and unusual birthday pres
ent to surprise mamma with this year.
Mr.. Spoonmore-How do you think
she'd like a son-in-law?
Cleverton (who has hired a taxa
meter cab to propose in)-Say Eyes"
darling? Miss Caumet-Give me time
to think. Cleverton- Heavens! But
not in here! Consider the expense =
Life.
The Lady Ito hastily-retreating bur.
glar)-Pardon me, but won't you please
wait till my husband sees you? / told
him there was some zone in the house,
and he said Rubbish !"-Harper's Ba-
gar
Dick-You look worried old fellow.
Wick-I have cause for worry Dick
WHAT'S the trouble? Wick-My wife
says if l don't accompany her to the
seashore this summer she'll stay at
home
Boy (who has been naughty and sent
out into the garden to find a switch
to punish him with )-Oh, mummy,
couldn't find a switch anywhere, but
here's stone you can throw at me-
Punch.
Physician--Well, what. do you com
plain of? -Sleeplessness,
doctor Physician-At what time do
you go to bed? Policeman-Oh don't
mean at night. mean in daytime
while I'm on 10y beat
She (on her bridal tour oh, Dan,
I'm so unhappy. Dan-Why, what is
the matter, darling? Shelf l am as
much to you as you say, you can't be
sorry your first wife died, and that
makes you too brutal for me to love-
life.
Doctor-The room seems cold, Mrs.
Hooligan. Have you kept the thermom-
eter at seventy, as | told you? Mrs.
Hooligan-Shure, an OF hov, docthor.
There's tn devilish thing in toombler
av warrum wather at this blissid min
nut-Judge.
Mamma--Good gracious, George!
What is the matter with Freddie
Jones? Is the child having a ft2
Georgie-No, mamma. You know Fred
die shutters, and we bet he couldn't say
"altitudinously' before Bobbie ran
twice around the block.-Puck
Towne-Do you believe in dreams2
Browne used to, but | don't any
more. Towne-Not as superstitiOus as
you were, Ell? Browne-Oh, 1t wasn't
a question of superstition. | was In
love with one once, and she Tilted me-
The Catholic Standard and Times.
Cyrus-Reuben got bunkoed. Silas-
How so? Cyrus-Why, he read the adj
vertisement Of a firm that stated if he
would send a dollar they'd send him
some light reading. Silas-And did
they send 1t? Cyrus-Yes, they sent
him two books entitled 'The Age Of the
Are Lamp" and How to Make Can
dies"
"John," she whispered, there's
burglar In the parlor. He has just
knocked against the piano and hit sew
eral keys at once. "I'll go down." said
he. "Oh, don't do anything rash I"
"Rash Why, I'm going to help him.
You don't suppose he can remove the
piano from the house without assist
ance Y-The Throne.
81 tell you" said one man to an
other as they emerged from the corri-
dor of a concert hall, II envy that fell
low who was singing" Envy him p
echoed the other. well, if were go
ing to envy a singer I'd select some
body with a better voice. Ills was
about the poorest | ever heard" "Its
not his voice l envy, man." was the
reply; "it's his tremendous courage
Philadelphia inquirer.