Sharp County record., 1908-08-14
A SyMPATHIZING
FRIEND
BY Max Adeier.

coroner, Barney Maginn, sitting upon
the steps Of his porch, with his face
between his knees. his hands locked
over the knees and his mind evident
ly ia state Of deep dependency.
Peter is sympathetic, as well as talk
atye and. taking a seat by the side Of
Maginn he said:
What's the matter, Barney?"
"Oh, nothing
Because if you're grieying over
that horse Of yours that died yester-
day you're doing wrong You ought
TO be glad he's dead and safe He had
the elanders awful Now, if he'd lived
maybe you'd a caught them from
/ him; then Mrs Maginn and the children
might a got them; then they'd a.
given them to other folks, and in about
a week the whole town'd "a been shut
fling around with the glanders, with
| their Jaws sweled out terrific; and
other townsd a caught them, and
they'd a spread all over the world
and made the whole human race sick
as thunder before they'd a. been
stopped, for all you know"
THAT isn't worrying me any" said
Mr. Maginn
Then it must be because the
Washy Hose company has elected
Prince Won BulOw an honorary mem
Der, and he's accepted, while the FL
deity Hook and Ladder, your COM
pany, haven't got any bigger honorary
member than Bishop Potts. Now, L
wouldn't distress myself about that,
Barney What's the use? You know
we'll enough old Won Bulows not going
to come over here and run with those
fellows, He's not going to grab
trumpet and go pc!ting and hollering
to a fire. and shin up ladder with
section Of hose, and yell through his
trumpet for them to turn on the water
aud then climb down and mash a FL
/ deity mans nose with a spanner.
He's not that kind of man. He's too
busy, Those HohenzoIlerns amt GO
ing to let him hustle around squirting
at hres while they can afford to pay
him salary. They're too much at
tached to him. So cheer up, 1t isn't
worth bothering about
1T isn't bothering me-" said Mr. Ma
sinn, still keeping his head down and
splitting over his toes
We'll, If It's those cramps in your
stomach coming on agaIn--well what's
the odds? They amt going to kill
you / wouldn't let them make me low
spirited, | know a man who had
cramps down there for 35 years
straight ahead without any let,up but
he wore a smile all thai time, and was
always cheerful You just tackle
them You spread a mustard-plaster
over the outside, and put some pare.
! gOriC on the inside and wear flannel
and lay over the back Of chair when
they hurt You bad and get your wife
! to moad your stomach once u day
/ with the potaro.masher or something,
or else thump yourself with a rolling
pin, and you'll be all right in q little
while You're an American citizen.
thinl Of what The patriots suffered in
the revolution Think Of valley Forge
and the heroes who bDod there, and q
mere cramn In the stomach seems ri
| diculONs Now, don't be miserable
about itl"
81 haven't got any cramp," replied
| Mr. Magnn
"Thcre's your mother.ln.lawl I
/ know she died on Saturday, but what's
| the good Of gomg on about her? She's
| dead and there's an end Of It, You
mght buhber your head of and she
Wouldn't come back She knows when
she's we'll Off You ought to try to
/ boar up under IT, These Affections
como TO all Of MS; they are meant for
our good dare say chat old lady put
/ away ten dollars worth Of victuals In
week Now she never gcts hungry,
and YOU bag the difference You das.
sent chew tobacco In the house when
she was around Now that she's an
angel she ain't 10 particular, and you
can spit all over the carpet II you've a
mind TO- And there's one bed less TO
make. and not so many clothes In the
wash and the soap GOES farther; 30
any way You look ne It her loss Ia your
gain; and unless she turns into n ghost
and hauuts You, which don't believe
ahe's capable o. YOU ought to rejoice
that you've shook her"
~ am glad II doesn't trouble me nc
ull" said Maginn
~ was going TO say" continued
Peter THAT If you were ow,spirited
because pitmans dog licked your dog
In that dght on Wednesday it was fool
lsh, because oll you've got to do Ia 10
feed your DOG on raw beef for while
and then UonscIad him with m elbow
Of atoveplne and set him on plmanB
dog some time when You set a chance.
why, he'll eat that animal up, Hon
chow the vitality ont Of him Any.
how, what docs 10 amount 10, dog
getting llokod' A hundred years from
now nobodyll even know H. I dare