Smyrna times., 1908-06-10
Bred In the
Bone.
Copyrighted. 1908. by Associated
Literary Press.
BY James Norton.

married rather late in life. Each was
known to have Opinions" but it was
generally agreed that they would live
happily. So they did. but their ways
were not exactly understood by their
friends Before they had been mar
ried two weeks Martha called Ezra the
biggest fool in Saginaw county. and
Ezra called her an old cat Neither
was the least bit angry. 1t was just
their way, and they understood each
other.
They did not dissemble and play the
hypocrite when a third party was pres
ent Ezra had courted Martha for four
years before marrying her. and she
was the only woman he had ever loved,
but this did not stand in the way of his
saying to her in the presence of old
Aunt Jackson. Martha, if we had a
chicken on the farm with less brains
than you've got I'd wiring it's neck"
And then Martha felt in duty bound
to good naturedly reply, Ezra Billings.
if | didn't lead you around by a string
you'd be sitting down on the hot stove
half the time"
In time it got to be known that the
couple wrangled like a dog and a cat,
and fifty families became more or less
Interested In time also they passed to
stronger terms and epithets. Between
themselves they didn't mean anything
by it. 1t was just little harmless way
Of his when Ezra said to Martha in
front of tin peddler: Say. woman.
don't smile at me and ask my opinion
about dishpans. If | hadn't been
watching you like a hawk this morn
Ing, you'd have put paris green in my
coffee"
THAT amt the way to kill off born
FOOLS" replied Martha. You've got to
hit 'em with an ak as they are lying
asleep in bed"
OF course the peddler passed it along,
and of course the lightning rod and the
windmill man passed along what they
heard. and at last the neighbors woke
up each morning expecting to find that
foul murder had been done during the
night
Mr.. and Mrs. Billings were members
Of one of the churches down in the viii
lage. and their pastor was finally ap-
pealed to. Being a conservative as we'll
as a good man. he thought the matter
over for a time and then preached a
sermon to fit the subject 1t was hit
at BOTH and they were there to hear
and yet when they left the church
Ezra was heard to say, Martha, if the
preacher had walloped me as he did
you ia keep my head shut for the Dext
fourteen years"
''Wallop mel" she replied. Ezra
Billings, every single word of that ser
mon was meant for you. and if you
keep Oh wrangling with me the people
will turn out and give you a coat ot
tar and feathers"
Then the preacher decided that it was
his duty to call at the farmhouse an(
make more direct appeal. Marth;
was glad to see him She said sh,
was glad. She said she was in need o
advice and was just thinking of com
ing to see him. She said it was abou
that fool husband of hers.
He had taken it into his head tina
the world was round. when everybod
else knew better, and had threatene,
to brain her with the crowbar if sh
didn't believe as he did He wouldn'
DO it. of course. Ezra was one of tn
best men in the world whether it wa
round or fiat, and he couldn't b
brought to kill a fly, but she though
he ought to be wrestled with for tall
s ing that way.
But. Sister Billings. you have bee
heard to threaten to poison your hu'
band" protested the good man.
"Oh, but that's just our wayw
"And to pour hot lead in his ear g
he slept"
= "Yes. but Ezra knows wouldn't d
such thing If he was afraid of thu
he wouldn't sleep and snore the wa
! he does"
! You have threatened to throw hi
- over the curb into the we'll"
"But if | did he would climb rigl
III out and kiss me-"
You have said that you wished
tree would fall on him and that
would he brought home dead"
Yes. but | giggled when | said
% and when giggle don't mean what
say. AS | said, should like your a
vice Do you think the flies ought
have the same chance to live as t
rows?"
"That is a rather queer question, S
ter Billings"
Yes. but that drafted fool of hi
band of mine. who ought to have be
In an idiot asylum years ago, has c
the idea in his noodlepate that th
have. and he's gone and tied up all
cows tails so they can no long
switch.
Il was telling the lop shoulder
slab sided nincompoop only an he