davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10
The Wants of the Army.

The Duke of Connaught is telling ar
amusing story Of his recent visit OF in
spection to Egypt. While he was in
Cairo, he went for a stroll one morn
ing and on his way back to his quar-
tiers he anne face to face with an old
Englishman wearing the ribbon of the
Indian Mutiny on his breast. The duke
stopped and spoke to the man about
his military service for some little
time. Presently the man said. not
knowing, OF course, to whom he was
speaking: Are you in the army, then,
yourself, sir?" The duke smiled and
admitted that he was. Getting on all
right?" was the next question. The
duke smiled again and said that he had
not very much to grumble at on the
whole, though perhaps he was not do
ing quite so well as ne could wish. mo,
and you never WILL my boy" was the
surprising retort of the veteran. What
you want in the army today is either
brains or a tremendous amount of in
huence behind you. You take my tip,
old chap, and chuck it,"
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10
An Averted Dancer.

A very beautiful actress, at a lunch
con at the Plaza, told a story about the
late Tony Pastor.
Before ] went on the stage" she
said, / was a typewriter girl. My EN-
ployer happened to fail, and l adver-
tised for Il new situation. One Of those
who answered my advertisement was
Mr.. Pastor. and l put his name on my
list, and in due course called on him.
But he told me l was too late. He
had engaged a typewriter early that
morning. He was very sorry, he said.
l would have made u charming orna-
ment to his dull Office. He paid several
delightful compliments to my eyes, my
hair, my figure.
II rose with a sigh.
well l said, I suppose I'll have to
close with Mr.. KoopOn, then. I'm hor-
ribly disappointed. I'd ever so much
rather work for yGu.'
What, has old koopon, the banker,
made you an Offer Mr.. Pastor cried.
Yes said !, and Il very generous
one, too; but l prefer his office to his
land in this office you shall stay
said Mr.. Pastor, whimsically. Well
make room for you somehow. Why,
my dear child, all my money is in Koo-
pon's bank"
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10
Asked About the Answer.

There has been recalled by the death
of James w. Paul, the Philadelphia
banker, this story, which he told long
ago: ID. $751;.
II was going home one night late and
saw a man who had evidently looked
too deep into the cup making frantic
but unsuccessful efforts to open a door
with a latchkey. l decided to help the
man, who was not so far gone as to
have forgotten his politeness, for be-
fore entering the house through the
door, which / succeeded in opening, he
asked my name and thanked me.
II proceeded on my way, but had only
gone a few steps when / heard some
one call, Mr.. Paul. Mr.. PAUL. I turned
and there was my friend of the latch
key coming toward me with unsteady
gait. He put one hand affectionately
on my shoulder, and, looking me in
the face, said: Say, did you ever get
an answer to that long letter you wrote
to the Thessalonians""
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10
The "stouahton Bottle
From the Boston Globe.

FROM the Boston Globe.
StouShton, not stoatin, bottle Is
proper. The adage, standing like a
stoughton bottle" can be traced back
to early 18th century days. DR.. Slough
ton In those times got out a bitters
that became famous. The compound
was originally sold in ordinary straight
green probably black) bottles, duly
labeled, and the Stoughton bitters bot
tie became q bar fixture, always stand
ing at the end OF the bar. The ON
tents of the bottle seem to have been
gin-steeped tansy to give the unblend-
ed whisky of those times a tang. The
adage rose from the noticeable position
of the bottle on the bar.
The Stoughton bottle. however, took
another form. DR.. Stoughton had a
quick discernment of the merits of ad-
vertising. The presidential campaign
of 1910 was on with it's "log cabin and
hard cider slogan. The gIassblowers
were requisitioned for imitation log
cabins, and the StOughton bitters in its
log cabin home held its own for a score
Of years afterward. 80,
The Stoughton bottle may be con-
sidered as a square corrugated glass
bottle in the shape OF a log cabin.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10
SIX MONTHS

ny Terrible Itching Ecxema-Baby's
Suffering Was Terrible-SOon En-
Hrely Cured by Cuticura.
Eczema appeared on my sons face.
We went to a doctor, who treated him
for three months. Then he was so bad
that his face and head were nothing
but one sore and his ears looked MS If
they were going to fall OF, SO we tried
another doctor for four months, the
baby never getting any better. His
hand and legs had big sores on them
and the poor little fellow suffered so
terribly that he could not sleep. After
he had suffered six months we tried
a set Of the Cuticura Remedies and
the first treatment let him sleep and
rest well in one week the sores were
gone and in two months he had a clear
face. Now he is two years and has
eve had eczema again. Mrs. Louis
Beck, r. F. D. 3, San Antonio, Tex,
April Is, 1907"
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10
49, AZ eoop EleArERs.
There Is a Perpetual Feud Between
Different Species.

ION the morning of August H. a a
writer in Suburban Life, II gathered a
few black ants and a number of their
small, brown, egg shaped cocoons from
an ant hill In my yard n placed them
I'm a shallow glass box, an artificial nest,
where / watched their behavior.
Not long after this 1 discovered a
winged black queen promenading under
the apple t~ree-very likely a blood sister
OF the others for when 1 placed her with
them she was not attacked, as was a
large ant with a red thorax that later ]
introduced among them.
Strange how ants recognize both
friends and enemies through the sense
Of smell rather than by the sense OF sight.
No sooner do two ants meet than they
cross noses. so to speak, in order to as
certain who is who. If the insects find
that they belong to different communities
war Is at once declared.
This was the case when the ant with
the red thorax was confined with the
black ants. How vicious both species
were. how they snapped at and bit each
other. One black ant succeeded i'm grab
bling an antenna COR feeler) of her antag-
onist, to which she held as the big red ant
dragged her from place to place.
Another black smelled her opportunity
and caught the hind leg Of the enemy,
who was thus greatly handicapped in her
movements. Still, she succeeded in kill
ing both black ants, although she could
not free herself from their death grip
until / came to her assistance.
THE queen had remained inactive dur
ing the conflict and had taken no part in
cleaning up the nest; when all was again
in order a worker ant approached her
and after a short antenna conversation
began to tug at her wings. Apparently
this was to give the royal sister to under
stand that she must now discard them
and assume the responsibilities of egg
laying, the work for which she had been
most carefully reared.
THE young queen was not inclined to
give up her gauZy appendages, however,
so presently the worker resumed her eff
forts to loosen them, but with no show Of
luminosity. Failing to accomplish her pur-
pose, she mex caught the queen by her
antennae and led her gently abou the
nest and then held her in a corner for at
least twenty minutes.
During this time the other ants came
and touched her Caresslngly with their
antennae, and one went so far as to offer
her food from its mouth. 1t was a clear
case of coaXing. They wanted this queen
mother to deposit eggs and found a new
colony. l do not know what arguments
finally overcame the queens reluctance
TO give up her freedom. The next day l
saw that she had yielded to the entreat-
les of her sisters. She was wingless and
depositing very minute eggs.
The black ants have what appear to be
good natured wrestling matches among
themselves. They are constantly on the
move doing something, carrying the un-
wieldly cOcoons from one place to an
other, regurgitating for a companion or
making elaborate toilets"
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10
Genuine cannlhaI CAPTURED.

~
James H. Birch has organized in
New York a new club, the CirCumnav-
lgators, No one who has not made a
complete circuit OF the world is eligible
for membership.
Mr.. Birch, a great traveller, was talk
ing about travel in Burlington. The
canntbalism that once prevailed
amongst the South Sea islanders sug-
gested a cannibal story to him, and he
said:
"A man Once went to the circus.
Near the main entrance to the circus
there was u sideshOw, and a vast and
brilliant oil painting portrayed in all
Its horrors a Cannibal feast-COrpses
cooking over fires, nude natives
~squatted in a circle, holding to their
mouths grilled fOrearms, hands and
such like delicaCies. A genuine can
nlbal, the poster said, was to be seen
within.
Paying a dime, the man entered.
The ca%nnibal, very lightly clad, sat
with crossed legs or a divan, languidly
toying with a spear. His teeth were
filed.
The visitor was a mar OF markedly
religious temperament, and he gazed at
the cannibal with horror.
Is this really a cannibal?' he
asked the Snowman.
You bet he is the Snowman an
swered. DO you know how he was
captured? That great living curiosity
vas captured, sir, in the act Of boiling
an aged Baptist minister oVer a slow
fire
Then CONVEX him. the visitor cried.
on, my friend, why don't you convert
him?'
The Snowman made a gesture of dis
gust.
Convert him. he said. DO YOU
think h public would pay a dime a
head to see a Christian p"
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10
SAVING Waste.

From the wal street Journal.
ALLOWING nothing to go to waste that
can be turned into money" is the spirit of
the commercialism that now rules indus
trial America. 1t is the inspiration that
Is stimulating scientific research, mechan-
zeal invention and money-hungry human
endeaVor in every field. 1--WE market ev-
cry part OF the hog except the squeal,"
said the late +. d. Armour to a visitor he
was showing about his pork packing es-
tablishment, and that, be it noted, was
before the day of the monograph. Mr..
Armour was an early starter.
A distinct impetus was given the utiliza-
ton Of material long allowed TO go TO
waste, by enforcement OF laws for the pro-
lection Of communities against nuisances.
1t was the force of public opinion that first
compelled the pork packers to invent pro-
cesses for the conversion of the intolerable
refuse of their great abattoirs into fer
uliZers and the many other by-products
now yielding fat profits, and TO create a
market for them.
The same is true of the great oil re-
fineries of the Standard and other com
panies in the petroleum industries. BY
products, numbering several hundred in
all, are the largest profit-makers Of the
Standard. The premier refining company
of the world ives a very considerable per-
centage of it's enormous wealth to the re-
fusal of the keen smelling public to dwell
without protest in the noxiOus atmosphere
of the old-time refinery.
Having discovered the money there IS in
by-products the genius and capital of man
has been for years and is still enlisted in
a struggle to extract the ultimate dollar
from every detailed resource or the au-
imal, vegetable and mineral kingdoms
from air, water, substance. There Is
seemingly no limit to the development Of
the idea.
That is one of the features in which
America leads.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10
, 5.x S g obtain "a.
va n years expert.
any bauk In Sioux City. u. q. GARDlMER,
IL Puzzled Him.
From the Philadelphia. In

From the Philadelphia. Inquirer.
The proprietor of a lanyard was anx-
ious to fix a suitable sign to his prem
ises. Finally a happy thought struck
him..
He bored a hole through th3 doorpost
and stuck a calls tail into IL, with the
tufted end outside.
After a while he saw q solemn faced
man standing near the door, looking Ut
the sign. The tanner watched him a
minute, and then stepped out and ad-
dressed him.
Good morning. sir" he said.
Good morning" said the other, with
out taking his eyes off the sign.
DO you want to buy leather" asked
the tanner.
NO"
Perhaps you've got some hides to
sell?"
NO"
Are you a farmer?"
NO"
What are you, them"
Il am a philosopher. I've been
standing here for nearly an hour, trying
to n out how that calf got through
that hole"
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10
hoM,s Ihls2

We Offer One Hundred Dollars Reward fos
any case of Catarrh that cannot be cured by
Halls Catarrh Cure.
II. T.. CHENEY & CO., Toledo. o.
We, the undersigned, have known #. ].
Cheney for the last Is years, and believe
him perfectly honorable in all business trans
actions, and financially able to carry out any
obligations made by his firm.
:. WALDING, KINNAN & MARVIN,
Wholesale Druggists, Toledo. O.
p Halls Catarrh Cure Is taken internally,
acting directly upon the blood and mucous
surfaces of the system. Testimonials sent
free. Price, 75c. per bottle. Sold by all
Druggists. 49,.
Take Halls Family pills for constipation.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10
whiskey for Lam. Back.

The increased use Of whiskey for lame
back rheumatism is causing considera.
Bile discussion among the medical fra.
ternity. 1t is an almost infallible cure
when mixed with certain other ingre,
dents and taken properly. The fol.
lowing formula is effective: ITO one
half pint Of good whiskey add one ounce
OF Torts Compound and one ounce
Syrup Sarsaparilla Compound. Take
1 II tablespoonful doses before each meal
and before retiring"
Toris compound is a product Of the
laboratories Of the Globe Pharmaceuti-
cal Co, Chicago, but it as we'll as the
other ingredients a be had from any
good druggist.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10
Too Previous.

"A Richmond woman has in her en-
ploy a little darkey, Milf Cole. One
day Milf became confidential and told
his mistress he was 'goin' to the cim'-
terry next Sunday
"'Rut Milf, that's a long walk. You
know it's more than five miles,"
"Oh, missus, 1 amt goin' to walk.
Use gOin' to ride
All day Saturday Milf could talk OF
nothing but the approaching affair.
Sunday his mistress excused him and
she expected that on Monday she would
be RECALLED with a full account of the
funeral. But Milf turned up with q
most melancholy face. In answer to her
inquiry he said:
Il didn't go, missus. He amt dead
yit.'"
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10
Standards in Japan.

From the island empire comes these
examples OF English as she is Jap
anesed," says the Detroit News.
Tailor, native country; draper, mil
liner and ladies' outfitter; the ribbons,
the laces, the wells, the feelings"
Hand painted post cards"
Extract of fowl kept"
photographer executed"
Head hair cutter"
Writing for another done here"
specialist for the disease of chill
dren."
Best pertaining water, anti-fea,
dealer of"
"Notiss-Our tooth is q very i'm
portant organ for business life and
countenance as you know: therefore.
when 1t is attacked by disease, or in
jury, artificial tooth is very useful.
am engaged in the dentistry and l will
make for you purpose"
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10
WE sELL GUMS AND TRAPs CHEAP
Gbuy FurB & Hides. Write for catalog 1O5
u. W.. hide & Fur Co, Minneapolis, MINI.
Not Improbable.

A we'll known scientist was telling a
young woman about a series Of ex-
periments he had been recently MAX
ing with the microphone. The micro
phone" he explained, "magnifies
sounds to the ear as the microscope
magnifies objects to the eye. The foot
falls of a centipede heard through the
~microphone resemble a tattoo on a ket-
tledrum. The dropping Of a pin Is Like
the report of a cannon"
That is interesting and very odd"
said the girl.
This afternoon" resumed the ecien-
fist, II caught a fly and studied its
note, which resembles the neighing of
q horse"
Perhaps" said the girl, lit was q
horsefiy."
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10
Why Willie Fell.

Before Willie started for Mrs. Smiths
house, where he was invited to dinner,
his mother gave him some final advice:
above all things cautioned his
mother, do not drink tea from your
saucer" @ .
Willie promised. When he got back
home his mother inquired how he had
enjoyed himself. Willie said he had
enjoyed himself immensely.
II hope you did everything the way
I told you to" said his mother.
~ "Yes'm, I did," answered Willie
somewhat hesitatingly.
And you did not drink your tea from
your saucer2" rr,
Yes. mamma, I did," replied Willie
but Mrs. Smith drank her tea from
her saucer first"
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10
CAUSE N EFFECT.

Good DigestiOn Follows Right Food.
Indigestion and the attendant dis
comforts OF mind and body are certain
to follow continued use Of improper
food.
Those who are still young and robust
are likely to overlook the fact that, as
dropping water will wear a stone away
at last, so will the use of heavy, greasy,
rich food, finally cause loss Of appetite
and indigestion.
Fortunately many are thoughtful
enough to study themselves and note
the principle Of Cause and Effect In
their daily food. A N. Y. young woman
writes her experience thus:
Some time g l had a lot of trou-
Bile from indigestion, caused by too rich
food. | got so l was unable to digest
scarcely anything, and medicines seem
ed useless.
"A friend advised M to try Grape
Nuts food, praising it highly, and as a
last resort, 1 tried it. l am thankful
to say that Grape-Nuts not only reliev-
ed me Of my trouble, but built me up
and strengthened my digestive organs
so that I can now eat anything l de-
sire. But I stick to Grape-Nuts."
There's a Reason"
Name given by Postum Co., Battle
Creek, Mich. Read "The Road to Well
Ville," in pkgs.
Ever read the above letter? A
new one appears from time 10 time.
They are genuine, true, and full
Of human iAterest
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10
He Had II.

David Wartield, the great actor, was
describing his European trip.
The best thing | saw was the Milan
cathedral" he said. The worst was
the English barber.
The English barber uses a dull
razor. He fathers your nOstrils and
your lips. He brushes your hair with
a revolving brush that runs by ma
Chincry.
IN V forget my first experience
OF a London barber shop. 1t was a
alln, stufy room. sat in a straight
backed chair. The barber. though his
razor was dull, cut me three times.
"'Will you have a close shave. sir?'
he asked, after going over my face
once.
Il wiped a few rudy drops from my
chin.
IF / get out Of this chair alive 7
said severely, L shall certainly con-
slider it such.'"
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10
Not Oman 70 Everybody.

"A most peculiar effect was produced
by an announcement in the advertise
ments Of a county fair to be held in
my state" says Congressman Champ
Clark. Among other things, the an-
nouncement said hat attractive fea-
lures of this great fair will be highly
amusing donkey races and pig races
Then, to the amaZement Of the judi
cious, this note was added: 'Competi-
ton in these two contests will be open
to citizens of the county only!'"
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10
Strenuous Siahs.

Eleanor-Do you remember when you
passed us in the automobile? Well, two
minutes after that Fred proposed,
~Lvelyn-Yes, l heard the machine going
"chug-chug." :
Eleanor-The machine! Gracious! That
was Fred signing.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10

THAT woman next door is really
dreadful, John" said a young married
woman to her husband. She does
nothing but talk the whole day long.
She cannot get any work done, I'm
sure"
oh" remarked the husband, II
thought she was a chatterbox. And to
whom does she talk?'
why, my dear, to me, Of course"
was the reply. She talks to me over
the back fence"
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10

skeleton. My back
was so bad I could
hardly a and the
secretions
much ~disordered. A
week after l began
using Doan's Kidney
Pills l could walk
without a a n and
as l continued my
health gradually re-
turned. l was so
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10
Out of Order.
From the Boston Transcri

From the Boston Transcript.
How was the weather in New York
the day you came through, Uncle.
Hiram"
s burned thick an foggy You
couldn't see a thing. I reckon them
thar s~kyscrapers I hearn tell about
want workin'." /
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10
PROVED BY TIME.

No Fear of Amy Further Trouble.
David Price, Corydon, Ia, says: Il
was in the last stage Of kidney trouble
lame, weak, run down to a mere
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10
Heney.

In his bold fight with ruling craft
He has not feared the thievine
crowd.
Under the bludgeouings OF graft
His head is bloody. but unbowed.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10

grateful l made a public statement Of
my case, and now seven years have
passed, I am still perfectly we'll"
Sold by all dealers. soc a box.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo. N. Y.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10

PILES CURED IN @ TO IA DAYS
PAZO OINTMENT is guaranteed to cure any
case of Itching, Blind, Bleeding or Protrud-
ing Piles in 9 to IA days or money refunded.
h0c 90.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10

TO CURE A COLS IN ONE DAY
Take LAXATIVE BRoMO Qulnine Tablets,
Druggists refund money IL II fails to cure.
u. w. GROVES signature Is on each box. 25c.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10
Reassurina Him.

On n certain occasion a speaker was
annoyed by the loud and frequent in
terruptions of an opposition voter, who
seemed bent on making trouble.
my FRIEND said the speaker, de-
termining to suppress the disturber,
haven't o heard the story OF how
a braying ass put to flight the entire
Syrian army"
Don't o be afraid of ttis audi
enceI' shouted back the disturber of
h meeting. There amt no danger
OF its stampeding. You've tested it."
d" -
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10

Aye wants tree yarts of green rib
bon md Won dozen shimrocks."
Bat you're not Irish, are you?"
Nav; Aye bin Swede faller, but Ave
Iteei ssse- today to wear EN-"
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10
Safest WAY,

Higgs-I never want to see him again.
Diggs-That's easy done. Lend him q
five spot.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10
Only One "uaoMO oUININEn

That ia LAXATIVE BROMO QUININE. look
for the signature Of +. W.. GROVE. Used the
World over TO Cure u Cold In One Day. g5e.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10
FaIIibiIity.

All me1, simple truth to tell,
Make mistakes through bad advice,
You are doing very we'll "
Not 20 make the same one twice.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10
Two Wives.

NAre. Winslow-s poorzLES SYRUP Tor Chndroa
~feethingj sottens the gums, reduces AZ
kys pain. cures wirA r~F" ~ cenr~ a bostIaL
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-12-10

TATARRH of the stomach is the cor
orect name for most cases of dyspep-
sia. Only an internal catarrh rem
edy, such as Peruna. is available.
Peruna Tablets can now be procured
ASK your Druggist for q Free
Peruna Almanac for 1909.