Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1908-09-11
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Above the grave of notorious lazy
man in a Southern churchvard are the
words: "Asleep (as usuaI."
Prospective Suitor-Sir, [ love your
daughter. Her Fathor-Well, don't
come to me with your troubles.
Stella-Can you dress within your
income? Bella-Yes; but 1t is like
dressing within a berth in sleeping
car.-Harper's Bazaar.
Mr.. volgarheim (after the ball)-
See, Josephine, spoon; one Of our
guests must have had a hole In his
pocket. et.-Meggendorfer Blatter.
"Now, don't deny 1t, Rose. You wore
my shoes?" "Only once-my feet hurt
me 80, and wanted something COM
Portable" -Meggensdorfer Blatter.
what do you expect to be when you
come of age, my little mani" asked the
visitor. "Twenty-one," was the little
mans reply.-The Herald and Presby-
ter.
Barber-Try bottle of this prepa-
ration, sir. Splendid thing for bald
ness. Customer-Dont doubt it, but
I've got all the badness l want, thank
you Times.
Miss Llngerlong-You have been a
widower for ten years, haven't you, Mr..
Flint? Mr.. Flint-Yes, and l am just
as persistent in it as l ever was, thank
youl-Smart Set.
Molly-When you spoke to father,
did you tell him you had $500 in the
bankf George - Yes, Molly-And
what did he say? George-He borrow
ed it.-Sketchy Bits.
Teacher-If your father owed the
butcher $17,o5, the baker S13.23, and
the grocer $1S.05. how much would he
have to pay in all? Tommy Harlumin
,-Nothln'. He'd move.
Gould you bring yourself to live In
fiat on $50 a week?" IL could, Har-
DID," answered the pampered yet un-
spoiled darling. "But l do not know
just how it would suit my French
maid"
Il wouldn't cry like that If were
you," said lady to little Alice.
"Well," said Alice, between her sobs,
you can cry any way you like, but
this Is my way."-The United Presby-
teran.
Mrs. Newlywed-I want to buy
steak. Lumberman-Hickory, OAK or
ashf Mrs. Newlywed-Porterhou
Lumberman-You'll find that in the
butcher shop. This is lumber yard.
Judge.
The Wife-During our courtship my
husband declared l was too good for
him. The Friend-Does he think so
still? The Wife-Yes, especially when
want him to accompany me to church
on Sundays.
Have you decided, Miss Ethel,
where you are going for the summerY"
Its between two places, Mr.. Johnson"
(which two?" "Ma says it's to Swift
zerland and pa says it's to the poor
house."-Tatler.
Knicker-There are plenty Of books
telling how to save life while waiting
for the doctor. Bocker-Yes. What
we need is one telling the young doctor
how to save life while waiting for the
patient Transcript
what! going to leave us so soon.
Thomas?" "Sorry, sir; but | must tell
you as 'ow | can't put up with the
missus any longer" But, Thomas
(appealingly), think how long I've put
up with her !"-Judge
"They tell me-" said the new report
er, who was doing an interview, that
you have succeeded in forging your
way to the front" "Sir," replied the
self-made man, coldly, "you have been
mlsinformed. I'm no forger."
Towne-Do you believe in dreamsq
Browne used to, but don't any
more. Powne-Not as superstitious as
you were, eh? Browne-Oh it wasn't
question Of superstition. l was in
love With one once, and she Tilted me.
Mrs. jerks, If you We're kind lady
with five cents she didn't need, an I
was a little boy that didn't know any
better an asked her for 1t, do you think
she could maybe afford to lend it to
him If promised her faithfully that
he'd pay you back?'-Exchange.
During the dinner hour on board n
steamer the other day passenger was
much disturbed by the vulgar way in
which the man who sat next to him ate
his meat. At last, after watching him
pick bone In a very primitive fashion.
he could control his feelings no longer.
and, turning to the offending M rtu ha