The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1908-12-18
CHILLED ON THE eRIDlRoH
President Roosevelt ard Other Celeb
rites Furnish Sport for the Wits
of the Famous Club

men from all over the country assem-
bIed in the big banquet hall of the
new Willard Hotel here Saturday night
to attend the Gridiron Clubs first din
ner of the season. The man who win
soon Leave che White House and the
man who will succeed him were both
present. Foreign ambassadors and
ministers, cabinet officers, financiers.
including Edward III. Hartman, poll
ticians. newspaper men, senator's, rep
resentatives in Congress and lesser
lights in public life joined in the even
! ing's nnerrimsnt, and from the sound
Of the dinner gong and me appearance
of the radiant electric gridiron at 8
o'clock until the singing OF The Song
That Reached My Heart" at midnight
hilarity was continuous.
ain Darkest Africa"
The President arrived at the dinner
at 1890 O'Clock. Shortly afterward
/ the lights were switched of and the
room was left in utter darkness. The
president OF the Gridiron Club an
nounced, I'VE are now in Darkest
Africa" and the room resounded with
the rOars and growls of wild animals
Presently the lights came up with the
lively announcement from the dark,
Sudden sunrise in Southern Sene-
gambia" and the guests at the dinner
found tent on which was the sign,
The Lookout"
The tent stood in the midst OF
tropical jungle. In front weer an or
derby in khaki and with helmet. a
Zulu chief, who stood guard with
| spear. and a mysterious person who
wore the label Auditor" and carried
bell punch. The rattle of type
writer was heard within the tent, and
then a voice saying, Here, secretary,
take this" Then followed:
'Scribbler's Magazine, New York.
Victoria Nyanza. April 1.-The lion
is a wild and ferocious animal"
At that moment it was discovered
/ why the auditor was in the party. He
registered each word with his bell
punch and totalled the amount. at
dollar a word, after each sentence.
Thus the dictation which was going
on furiously in the tent sounded about
like this:
THE lion is a wild and ferocious
animal"
Eight dollars" shouted the auditor.
at has soft body and hard face"
| Seventeen dollars"
! st is the king of beasts and its
daughter is princess"
| Twenty dollars"
| ''The lion roars like distant thunder"
'Thirty-five dollars
"But it is nobobdy's business what its
religion is"
'Fourty- four dollars"
This wit caused tremendous laugh
ter.
President Roosevelt took the joke
with great delight. He laughed inn
moderately all through the skit.
Kills Bongo
Dictation of the story was stopped
by the shout from within, wait a
minute: l will kill something" fol-
lowed by a shot in the tent. The Zu-
In chief, who had been standing rigid
ly outside the tent, came suddenly to
life and dashed away returning almost
instantly with a small skin. which he
he held up and which was photogra-
phed with elaborate ceremony. 1t was
identified as a"bongo' by the man in
the tent, and Immediately a story
about the bongo was dictated for the
magazine, while the auditor kept ac-
curate track Of all words used
Another shot brought in a "whiffie-
bun, which was described for the
magazine after a new typewriter had
been secured. the strenuous story
about the bongo having broken the
other. Two shots were fired next and
the Zulu brought in large elephant
and a large donkey. Those strange
animals shot in the jungle were de-
scribed in an Illuminating manner by
the man in the tent after they had
been photographed and mounted.
Meanwhile the auditor had kept ac-
curate account of the words used.
Later despatch to "The Lookout"
was begun, and the auditor started TO
count words at dollar word but was
told to stop.
Keep out" said the man in the tent.
"you have nothing to do with this.
This is my salary"
The dispatch followed President
Roosevelt's style and bristled with
phrases he has used. Mr. Taft and
Mr.. Roosevelt, who sat side by side.
We're vastly amused, as were all the
guests.
The second typewriter broke down
with loud whir in the middle of this
dispatch.
Get me another typewriter
shouted the man in the tent
There are no more typewriters,
sir the auditor announced.
Then" announced the man in the
tent, II am going home"
"RoII Call After Battle"
Early in the evening. when atten-
ton was riveted upon Chairman
Hitchcock, there was a 'roll-call after
} battle" A club member of huge pro-
portions, disguised as a sergeant, en-
tered the banquet hall with squad OF
) men in battle stained uniforms. He
gave the commands, Halt; front face;
left dress" and brought the squad be-
fore the president of the club, who
remarked:
THE battle is over. II has been a
terrible slaughter"
Thereupon he directed the sergeant
to call the roll OF his company, and
this roll call developed the following:
Private Taft"
"HereI"