davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Daily press. [volume] (Newport News, Va.) 1896-current, 1908-04-05
The Zoo Man
BY Elizabeth Miehsjs
(Copyright.)

yes. | remember said the man,
rehectlvely.
lie stood between the children-a
boy and a girl leaning on fence in
The park. In age he looked about 30.
like: and lie gave me the impression
Of being one OF those who is in com.
plete sympathy with the young.
Even before heard his soft. earn.
est voice was convinced OF this: for
The boy constantly regarded him az
fectionately out OF great grave eyes.
and the girl h,,d an unconscious habit
OF slipping her tiny hand into his.
Yes. | remember" lie repeated
The hex is one OF those things that
wears clothes.basket and sings; and
the noise that II makes is the cause
OF earthQuakes-an effect that ii con.
stantly brings"
lie made the whimsical statement
with Il sincerity of tone that would
have been convincing TO the least
imaginative OF juvenile minds. Here,
he was evidently appealing to ideally
sympathetic ones. The boy gave 3
nod of comprehension.
Like at San Francisco. The
lbexes must have sung very loud.
though
"Bassoon playing had something to
do with It," said the man. admirably
concealing every yestige OF cynicism
There was mare"
He paused. | felt sure he was Il
born story.teller and was with diff
Guilty controlling propensity 10
wander into fantastic by-paths.
What became of the clothes
basket?" inquired the girl
II think they were taken To the
Japanese laundry. and used as school
rooms for the children" he answered.
Or swallowed up when the earth
opened" suggested the boy.
yes. It's very sad to see the poor
creatures without anything on" nd
United the man.
Never mind, they'll soon be meas.
ured for new ones" sympathized the
girl as she took his hand.
They moved on. stopping at an en-
closure little way on.
You like the goats" she urged.
They're so silky AMI tame"
Yes he agreed. "But they get
fractions sometimes"
Fractions means broken, doesn't
it?" asked the boy.
Not when You talk about goats"
replied the man with decision. They
Daily press. [volume] (Newport News, Va.) 1896-current, 1908-04-05
fss

always come off scot free. The one Pm
thinking OF did"
Tell us about him?' cooed the girl
Once" began the man. "a nanny.
goat wanted a ride. so she sat on a
broomstlck astride. but il started so
quick that she fell off the stick right
on policeman-who died."
What did they do with him?" won.
dered the boy.
They buried him-on the hire.sys.
tem," confided the man.
81 know In bits. Serve him
right" asserted the girl.
Why asked the boy with sur.
prise.
For gettin' in the way" was her
ready answer.
Il don't suppose he did that on pur-
pose" debated the boy.
THAT doesn't matter" said she.
"Ho spollt everything"
"Spoilt it! How? The man nut
.ast the right touch OF wonder into the
question. 1t showed what he could
do in the way of stimulating the child
ish mind. envied him the gift.
Why" explained the girl. III the
policeman hadn't got In the way, think
how the goat would have bounced"
True" unused the man. Il never
thought OF that
was not near enough to catch the
fanciful things that passed between
the trio for some time after this; but
In the marsupial section 1 managed Il
get within hearing distance again.
The boy was speaking.
When he sits up like that he looks
like II hanson cab"
That reminds me- rejoined the
man. "A very large male kangaroo
had pouch that was licensed for
TWO; and, once. for fare. he'd g
tortoise and hare. This really once
happened-it's true,"
The boy pondered the circumstance
for awhile.
Il thought II was only the mothers
Who had pouches" he hazarded.
Daily press. [volume] (Newport News, Va.) 1896-current, 1908-04-05
Make
Successful
Farmers
% BY @ary Logan fucker al

Women on Farms as Capable Of
DIRECTING as OF Doing the Druid
gerry Men Employees Foolishly
Sccrn Aid of Agricultural Liter
alure-Women Should Begin in
Small Way = Aim at Quality
Rather Than Quan,ity-Women
Who Have Succeeded by Spec
ializlng--The knack Of Display
ing Ones Wares.
Daily press. [volume] (Newport News, Va.) 1896-current, 1908-04-05
wild Duck in Collision with Auto.

Thursday night party OF automobil.
lists in big touring car met with a
peculiar accident while on the way
from Feignsville TO Trexlertown, says
the Philadelphia Record. 1t was slow
going on account OF the heavy road.
and when they saw big duck come
flying straight up the road toward
them they thought 1t would have sense
enough to turn and dodge. But the
dazzling headlights, which attracted
1t In the first place. blinded It and it
dashed head on into tha glass shield
in front OF the machine, smashing 1t
ito bits and painfully cutting the
chauffeur. The duck was instantly
killed.
Daily press. [volume] (Newport News, Va.) 1896-current, 1908-04-05
@ @ @
The Fever.


The spring Is here, ii;ewise, 1 fear.
The fever fans my longlnE
i yeurn to go where brrezes blow
And fishermen are thionsinR
Ia like TO float within a boat
And angle for tile whopper,
with now and then a luncheon uhsn
The stomach says IT'S proper
fain would ride the sparkling tide
And grapple with IA 'inuskie"-
just reel and gioat within the boat.
Propelled by Tom, the huskyi
Throughout the day I'D count II play.
IL | could grip the willow,
And ah. at night I'd sleep SO tight
Upon sweet pine pillow
There's worthy fame, a well-known name
To win where am working,
But would go where breeses blow
And do bit of shirkingi
The praise win within the din
Has not Tile thrill OF glory
That clinss to me In ecstasy
While fishing In n dory.
Tho sky is fair. the zephyrs rare,
The silver waves arc tapping
And all The world is here unfurled
And half the world "a mapping. Y
has! to fame. I'm fishing tlniel
ia Ike to catch the hummer
That took my bait and line and all
And got away last summer.
Daily press. [volume] (Newport News, Va.) 1896-current, 1908-04-05
He Was Thankful.

The following card of thanks re.
Gently appeared In Kansas town:
j wish 10 thank the city authorities for
QuarantninG me and my family for two
weeks recently. because one OF the chit.
dren had the smallpox During that Time
my Wife caught up with her sewing. be-
Ing undisturbed by callers just at meal
time. We had three square meals o dag
as no one came in and she wasn't per.
United TO 30 out. We enjoyed two weeks
OF good long nights sleep and. hest OF
all. cousin with four children who ar
rived 10 visii us SAW tile smallpox sign
on the door and left town so scared she
will never come back. wish TO thank
the authorities. ana hope They will be
equally ns thouehtfGl OF our comfort
some time again. Respectfully. Lysander
johnson.
Daily press. [volume] (Newport News, Va.) 1896-current, 1908-04-05
o 20
Two vlews.

My wife is spending a lot OF time
this winter wondering what the neigh
bors are going TO do to our bull nun
next spring when lie gets TO running
around. That isn't what's botherlng
ME. What gets me is what the bull
pup is going to do to the neighbors.
Daily press. [volume] (Newport News, Va.) 1896-current, 1908-04-05

Quality rather than quantity to-day
plays an important part in the sue
cess and profit OF market gardening.
as one can command a Better price
for a perfect product attractively pre-
scented than a great quantity which
does not leave one time carefully to
prepare for market. and so must be
sold at the lowest price
This, too. is another point in which
women are more apt to succeed than
men as market gardeners-the appre
citation OF necessity OF attractiyeness
OF ones produce. First. cleanliness
is very important; then IL the vege
tables are of uniform size and punched
or tied in bundles of careful exactness
and put into baskets or boxes In reg
ular arrangements. they will attract
the eye of the buyer and often, IL not
always. command higher prices
These are the smaller details a WON
an quickly grasps and which, IL close
ly adhered to, will promote her sue.
cess.
While these small points will fur.
tier her success woman must have
practical business ideas or must post
herself fully on the actual value of
labor, machinery and materials and
necessary expenses Of carrying on the
work of farm; for regret to say
that men are apt to presume upon
her ignorance in such matters and
her purse pays the penalty.
Daily press. [volume] (Newport News, Va.) 1896-current, 1908-04-05
A Good Excuse.

Mother--Im ashamed to think you
can't do better in school, Why can't
you lead your class?
Willie-Say, ma, you told me vol,
didn't want me ever to be conceIted.
an notice when a boy leads the
class he always gets conceited.
Daily press. [volume] (Newport News, Va.) 1896-current, 1908-04-05

John a. Logan and wife OF Lieut. col
william Tucker, y. s. A., Mrs. Mary
Logan tucker. is known throughout the
ton society. Owing to the delicate health
or her younger son Mrs. Tucker has es-
tabiiHhed herself on ii beautiful farm In
Maryland Il few miles from the national
sac.ial. There her house parties are IA
ihoua ana her crops are entirely creditable
To qe' as farmer OF abillty.)
Daily press. [volume] (Newport News, Va.) 1896-current, 1908-04-05
On the Hunt.

The reason man can't find what he
is looking for is because he don't
look where II would have bitten him II
Il had bAen q snake,
Daily press. [volume] (Newport News, Va.) 1896-current, 1908-04-05

The Substitute.
He had no children and no home.
No wife Co love had he
And this Is why he hoaided coin
With marked propensity.
II took tie place of wife and chit
passion wild and strong
Al night the mlser conned his gold
And heaped his treasure long.
His heart grew cold aud stern his mlsu.
He lost his friends beside.
And one chill day. amid his gold.
Tho Erasping fellow disdl
His relatives In distant states
Game on 10 squeeze a tear.
But not IL living soul wax aad
Ana some we're glad. fear.
The gold he sold iis heart to gain
IL squandered now and spent.
one heir IL busted HAT, they say.
And roiher badly bent
One staged n play and sunk his share
The other played the board
'fniNt drink. nninitlcs aud bets.
They spent his clinkinK hoard.
And thus we ltarii his money brought
But bitterness aud pain
The moral is. vile and home
Are better far thsn guin
o o .
Self Communion.
She who sauces the cook should be
prepared TO make the sauces.
u q n
A dentist ought 10 he fine poker
player. He is SO good NJ hlling.
a 4 q
enr Ia,
treacherous than mule when the
nails come loose in the legs.
A man always secretly rejoces
when somebody sits down on the Int
lie has been wearing but never did
like
The man who does not desire to be
taken for a butcher should not enter
the SHAMELESS with an AK on his shout.
der.
Why be poor when the earth Ia no
full OF riches that never have been
unearthed? p. q. And probably never
will be.
Law is high board fence. The
rich aud strong climb over il. the
weak and the poor are caught hanging
on half way up.
4 4 81
What long step II is from neces-
slty that invented three.legged stools
TO luxury that fashioned the oscillal.
ing leather chair OF our evening maps.
Il & Il
The outside or the house is no crl,
terion by which to Judge OF the hap,
piness Of those who reside within
Beautiful houses do not make beuuti.
ful homes.
Daily press. [volume] (Newport News, Va.) 1896-current, 1908-04-05
O o o
editorial Amenitlea.

Editor Buck Chains that We owe him an
advertising bill for space In The matrI-
moniai department ~ his paper pre-
sent your bill Buck. and wen pay IL.
Wa are moi Ike Schaefser OF the Mace
donia News. who was recently married
ana refuses to pay Bucks bill We lave
been married n.arly nve years and. by
heck II 4. worth All Buck wants 10
charge. SILVER CAS- Ia.j Times.
Rs5~.eM4sA4s
The Somerset reporter., 1908-01-30
THE FACE IN ILLNESS.
To the Trained Eye 1t Quickly Shows
Patients Condition.

To the Trained Eye 1t Quickly Shows
Patients Condition.
The face Is good index to the state
of ones physical being, and from 1t
symptoms of disease can be detected
almost before the patient is aware that
anything serious is the matter with
him. For instance, incomplete closure
of the eyelids, rendering the whites of
the eyes visible during sleep, is a
symptom In all acute and chronic dis
eases of a severe type. 1t is also to be
observed when rest is unsound from
pain wherever seated
TWitching of the eyellds, associated
With the oscillation of the eyellds, or
squirting. herads the visit Of eonvul-
sions
Widening of the orifices of the nose,
with movements of the nostris to and
fro. points to embarrassed breathing
from disease of the lungs or their
plural Investment.
Contraction of the brows indicates
pain In the head. sharpness Of the nos
tris pain in the chest and drawn
upper lip pain in the abdomen.
To make general rule, it may be
stated that the upper third of the face
Is altered IN expression in affections OF
the brain and the middle third In the
diseases of the organs contained In the
abdominal cavity.
The Somerset reporter., 1908-01-30
The Victim Of Drink
Needs Orrine Treatment

Drink hnl destroys ambition; br axis up
ties OF friendship; il Kills and buries love
and eventually destroys the family life.
Some Of the best men IN the world hive
been victims. OF drink and if there is not
some m, mber in your family tat is afflicted
with this disease, you are indeed fortunate
Drink cunningly destroys the will power,
and while the drum ard wants to do what
you tell him. he wants thousand times more
the drink that he Graves. Mt dical treatment
is necessary to destroy the craving and this
Or inc will do
1t destroys the desire ior liquor. SO that
the drink will not be missed, also cues the
deranged dig ST. n Srakened nerves and
other III effects "i excessive drinking, restor-
ing the patient To- petie-t health
The remed. is absolutely harmless, is thor =
ou phly scientif, aud IS 81 unlf rmly success.
ful that it is sold With registered guarar-
tie ntitling you to refund ol your mont y
if 0rrine fails to Il Ct a cure. Treatise on
allow 10 Cure Drunkenness free on re-
qu ST, in plain seAlta wrapper. The Otrne
TO. Washington ID I.
tlrrine is N two forms, No which can I've
given secretly without the patients know
dge: No. 2 in pill form for tho { he y ish
to be cured The pr ce OF either is s. mail
Tn receipt OF price in PLAIN scaled pack
age, and both arr sold under the guarantee
0rrine is for sale by +. W. Bucknam.
The Somerset reporter., 1908-01-30
AWFUL CREATURE WAS
NINETY FEET LONG
Recent GrewsOme Experience of Chicago
Man Is Sample Of a Series of
Such Cases

physician In st. Louis was reconr
mended to me, and was under his
treatment some time, but as usual 1
'Obtained 10 relief.
So many people asked me to try
Cooper's preparation that | decided
70 90 50. and a er using 1t for few
days, this awful thing passed from my
system. | feel much better already,
and l want to say right here that /
thank Mr.. Cooper hundred times fer
what his me1icine has done for me. l
would not axe $1,000 and have that
thing back In my system again"
Nj Winkler is fair sample of the
experience of many during Coopers
stay in Chicago, and this no doubt
helped to account for the enormous
sale of the Cooper preparation In this
city and others, recently visited By.
the young man.
We sell and will be pleased to
explain the Cooper preparations
&C. r. FoCg.
The Somerset reporter., 1908-01-30
Good as a. .Corkscrew.

do you know how to take tight
cork out of bottle without a cork
screw" WAS asked by Il woman the
other day at gossip party. ITS a
mighty good thing to know In an
emergency.
MY sister and | were coming back
from the mountains. and she got faint
on the cars. had bottle of aro-
matte spirits of ammonia In my bag,
but when tried to get the cork out
simply couldn't make 1t bulge
"'Let me take 1t out for you sug-
gested man across the aisle.
Then. borrowing my pocketknife
and using his own With il. he removed
the cork IN a jitfy. He inserted the
blades on opposite sides between the
bottle and the cork. each one turned
In a different direction Then when
the blades were firmly pushed In he
I simply pressed the two together gave
! them II wrench sideways, aud the cork
came out without any tIs1ble. have
since tried ii ON larger bottles with
success 1t is a trick worth knowing"
The Somerset reporter., 1908-01-30

A lady engaged country girl as gen
era servant. One evening the lady
asked her If she thought she could
manage to poach half dozen eggs for
supper The girl quickly and laughing
ly replied that she could do that right
enough
Very good" said her mistress, "I'll
just see what you can do" and went
away. Shortly afterward she had occa.
sion to speak to the girl again. but to
her great aStonishment she WIS not to
be found in the house. Presently she
came tripping in with her hat and
jacket on, smiling radiantly.
I've got 'em all right. num-" she
said, half dozen beauties
Half dozen beautiesr' repeated
her mistress questioningly. What do
you meanY'
Eggs, num-" she said, smiling
But there are plenty Of eggs in the
house, girl without buying more" re
marked her mistress
"LOr. mum, | didn't buy EN-" she
said. "YOu told me TO ponch EN- and
| managed il fine Yon see" she added
by way Of information. my fathrr and
brothers do bit of poaching so |
knew In minute what you meant"
London Mail
The Somerset reporter., 1908-01-30
Mild Hazino.

The proprietor of n plumbing estab-
lishment downtown has a poor opinion
of goat limitations \ young man,
dapper and twenty. came into his
plumbing shop and asked to see an ex
pensive porcelain bathtub. The pro-
prietor explained at length the good
qualities of certain make
This seems to be an excellent Que"
said the young man.
without warning he jumped into the
bathtub, drew his coat closely around
him and exclaimed Quick, turn on
the waterl ! want to try it."
The proprietor thought he was In
sane and soothing his head, said,
There. there. you're all right"
yes" the young man gurgled,
splashing in the imaginary water; ITS
very comforta BILE"
Then he began to sQuirm and splut-
ter.
Quick. quickr he cried. "Turn off
the water! I'm drowningr
Wait till reach the faucet" said
the proprietor softly, side stepping to
the telephone.
Just at this moment two other young
men. a trihe older. entered
well Bobby had your bathY they
inquired.
Yes"
"Then come down to the vegetarian
restaurant and order side Of roast
beef"-New York Globe
The Somerset reporter., 1908-01-30

During L. T. Cooper's recent visit 70
Chicago, where his new preparation
and theory created the usual sensation
many hundreds of people brough.
enormous internal parasites to he
young man, which had left the system
after taking his medicine.
Among these people was Mr. Emil
Winkler, who brought to Cooper a
tapeworn that proved to be over
ninety feet in length. Mr. Wirkler,
who resides at 152 East Ohio Street,
Chicago, had this to say of his expe-
rience For five years l have been
more or less complaining. I have had
severe headaches, and any food that
would eat would nanseate NE. | would
have bad dreams almost every night;
dizzy spells would compel ne to quit
work. Black spots would appear be-
fore my eyes when STOPPING over and
rising quickly. would feel tired most
of the time; In fact, had no life in
me to speak Of for the last five years
tried various treatments, and one
The Somerset reporter., 1908-01-30

"Sea island cotton is the best kind"
said a southeruer. 1T is finer and
silkier than any other cotton in the
world. pound of it can be spun into
4,770 miles of thread. For an expert.
ment once in the English town Of
Manchester skilled spinner spun d
pound of sea island cotton into u sin
gle thread 1000 miles long Then for
another experiment he took another
pound of cotton aud spun II into ms
many hanks as he could get. He got
10000 hanks in all, and the yarn i'll
each measured $40 yards. Thus. out
of pound of cotton 4.770 miles of
yarn was produced This yarn. though,
was too fine to be of any practical
utility Those two experiments made
a superb experiment for the cotton Of
the south. "-Louisyille GourierJourual.
The Somerset reporter., 1908-01-30
constantinonla shoemaksrs.

In Constantinople the shoemakers are
all poets While ii customer is having
u heel repaired ar a shoe relaeed the
attendant rccites extemporized or
memoriZed verses to him As the Ian.
guage is Arabic or Turkish, the listener
rarely knows whether he is hearing IA
good or bad verse. On the Musk, the
Broadway of old Cairo. one can buy
the red leather, sharp toed slippers.
universally worn in land where there
is rarely any rain, for about 60 cents.
They are not worth more. being very
iimsy articles in construction. They
are not representative of the expert
English or American handmade shoe,
which is thing OF beauty, of comfort
and OF enduring utility
The Somerset reporter., 1908-01-30
catarrh Cannot be Cured

with LOCAL APPLICATIONS, as they can
not reach the seat Of the disease. Catarrh is q
blood or constitutional disease, and In order "a
cure 1t you must take internal remedies. Halls
Catarrh Cure is taken internally, and acts d.
rectly on the blood and mucous surfaces
Halls Catarrh Cure 10 not quack medicine
Il Was prescribed BY one Of the best physicians In
this country for years and Is a regular pre-
scription. It 10 composed of the best tonics
known, combined with the best blood purifiers
acting directly on the mucous surfaces. The
perfect combination Of the two ingredients l.
what produces such wonderful results in curing
Catsrrh. Send for testimonials free.
p. J. CHENEY 4 CO., Props., Toledo o..
P'ice 76c. per bottle. Sold BY all Druggists
Take Halls Family Pills for constipation
The Somerset reporter., 1908-01-30
A MILITARY SURPRISE.
President Grant and the Drummer
Boy of Shiloh"

bOJ OF ONION.
Colonel John L. Glenn the drum mer
boy of Shiloh" never attended West
Point. In the early part of Grants
first term Glen obtal med an audience
with the president MIR. President" 3"
he opened the Interview, Il wish TO
ask you for au order TO admit ne to
West Point" Why do you not take
the examinations" questioned Grant
II did. but | failed 10 pass" THAT
was unfortunate. How did It happenf"
why. you see was In the war while
those other boys Of my age we're In
school"
Clem was barely eighteen then and
boylsh looking even for his years lie
had made his own way to the presl
dent aud had no political sponsors to
back him. What" exclaimed the
president. you were in the war;
"Yes, | was In the war four years" 3"
And Clem related bis experiences
Grant wrote something which he
handed to the young applicant. saying
Take this to the secretary Of war |
guess 1t Will fix you all right"
Glen went back to the secretary Of
war who had before received him
coldly. and delivered his note THE
secretary read 1t and asked, DO you
know what this isf' NO" replied
Glen. 81 suppose 1t is an order to ad-
NIT me to West Point" well. 1t isn't
It's an order to commission you second
lieutenant in the regular army"-Chi-
cago News.
The Somerset reporter., 1908-01-30
The Quest of Truth.

1t is a good deal easier to poke fun
at history than To write history merit
Ing credenee Mr. Bodley when writ
ing his France" experienced the force
of this in curious way. He shut
himself up in France for years to get
the atmosphere and the knowledge
necessary for his work. one of his
trials arose over some question Of elect
oral Jurisprudence. 1t was not of in
ternatlonal Importance, but still inter
esting to students of comparative pro
cedure. Therefore he wrote to a dep
uty who is a parliamentary expert to
clear up the obscurity in which the
text books involve the point and incor-
porated his reply in the text Of the
book Later being invited by an ex-
perlenced mayor to be present at q
poll over which he presided. Mr.. Bod
ley put the question to him and re-
ceived a quite different reply Finally
the author referred the point to a
senator of ndisputable authority. who
showed that the deputy and the mayor
were both wrong st Jumes Gazette.
The Somerset reporter., 1908-01-30
Wouldn't Tip II

A Toronto man who visited England
last summer appears to think that
country the champion tip taker He
says: well, | had tipped every man
from the swell gent who seemed to
own the house of commons down to
the hireling who gummed the wrong
labels on my luggage. and | went into
the waiting room on the landing stage
at Liverpool to wash my hands OF ev-
erythlng English. and what do you think
stared me in the face when had fin-
ished? A placard saying, Please tip
the BASIN I'll be hanged II | didr'