The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-10
COLONEL BUNKER.
He Tells of Some of His Bloodlcss
Duels.

Duels.
I wouldn't have you think, sab"
said Colonel Bunker as he finished his
cocktail and got rest for his feet on
the railing of the Veranda-"I wouldn't
have you think that because have
stood befo' my man on the field OF
honah thirty-six times, and bear the
Gears of seven bullets and rapiers, that
have been raging lion seeking whom
l might devour. At least twelve of the
anairs were forced upon me, and f1ve
or six of them were calculated to bring
me into contempt.
Take that affair with the Tennessee
editor, sab. I was stumping the state
Tor a candidate for governor and this
editor took it upon himself to burlesque
several Of my speeches. He went so FAR
as to say that I stole part OF one OF
them from Patrick Henry AS soon as
L could make 1t convenient to DO SO l
called at his office. He was out, and
left my card. An hour later he appear
ed at my hotel and arrogantly demand
ed the nature of my business with him.
81 set out to tell him in a mild ana
gentlemanly way that he had done me
an injustice for which he should apolo-
gize, when he interrupted to call me in
sincere and charlatan. l asked MIN
If he was prepared to assume the re-
sponsibility of his words, and receiving
prompt reply in the affirmative
turned and left him. Half an hour
later a friend of mine had borne him a
challenge. 1 rather expected the editor
to weaken, sub, but l was mistaken IN
him. He not only cheerfully accepted,
but named cavalry sabres as the
weapon. I had scarcely ever had one
in my hand, but could make no ooJec-
lions until we reached the field the
next morning. Then our respective sec
onds took the matter up and sought to
convince him that rapiers or pistols
were the proper weapons, but he stood
firm.
lust what sort of a showing I should
have made had he handled his weapon
as a swordsman 1 cannot say, but from
the very first he seemed to think he
had a butchers chopper in his hands
He also wanted my blood. He took that
old sabre in both hands and ran at me
with chop, and after five minutes l
was literally driven from the field.
Some of his chops were made with
such vigor that in missing me the chop
per was plunged forwards on his nose.
1 believe I did manage to reach him
with the point once, but 1t was so dull
that he was simply pushed back
"It was no duel, sab. 1t was simply
q vulgar affair that should never have
come off. 1t made me a public laugh
ingstock for months, and 1t Is said that
the editor ran his subscription list up
hundred per cent on the strength OF II.
Surely, if there were any honors IN the
case he reaped them. I was forced to
climb a fence to get away from his
chopper.
'The next duel. sub. grew out of the
one 1 have been telling you about. L
originated the theory that sunfoWerS
were antagonistic to hghtnlng. adj
yisedJ that they be grown near houses
and barns. showed that no building
thus protected had ever been struck. A
certain editor in my state picked up
the theory and suggested that pull
frogs was a better thing. 1 laughed
at his first attempt, but when he mad
kept the thing up for weeks and had
become unpleasantly personal I made
a call at his office.
"'Suh, I am Colonel Bunker,
said as I stood befo' him with folded
arms.
replied without even looking around
at me.
apology, subj
Never heard of the words
"'Then I send my friend, Majah
Bangs, to you
LET him come
1.-The Majah acted for me. and he
found the editor willing to fight. He
chose horse pistols for weapons, and
came to the ground with a pair of old
f1int-locks as long as my arm that had
seen serve IN the Revolutionary WAN.
NV second protested. and for the mat
ter of that his did the same. but it
was no use. That editor would fight
with them or nothing, and it wasn't
his day for apologizing. In hopes to
rescue the thing from a flasco con-
scented. The bullets used were about
as big as horse plums. The man said
that he would blow hole through me
large enough to drive a mewl, and
therefore I aimed to blow one of his
shoulders off.
I'VE stood there, suh-we stood
there and snapped those old flint-locks
at each other for a quarter of an hour,
and there was no discharge. Then I
was overcome by the absurdity and
the humiliation of the situation, and 1
turned and walked away. For months
after that I was lampooned and called
a coward. You can descend from a
sublime to the ridiculous in an affair
of honah very quickly.