Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1908-06-25
.ILL|NO|SANS At PLAY,
"PreSidentiaI Possibilities" Grilled
at Society's Dinner.
DARK HORSE WAS ELECTED.
"Andrew Carnegie" the Host and
"Booker Washington" Waiter.
Amusing Skit on the Candidates.


States was on the stage in the ball
room of the Waldorf Astoria, in New
York city, the other night-that is, he
was there in effigy; also he was elect
ed by rising vote. And in these par
lous days of booms the affair was bal
anced and adjusted to fit, or, rather,
not to offend, the most enthusiastic
boomer of them all.
BY way of explanation, these great
doings were part of the grill room
convention" of the Illinois society in
New York city. 1t was modelled after
the rites of club of writers in Wash
ington who ameliorate the hardships of
exile in the provinces by lambasting
those who make news"
The nucleus of the affair was called
presidential Possibilities-A Satirical,
Farcical Episode with Apologies to the
Eminent Men Concerned)," by Herbert
Hall Winslow. The programme gave
it to be understood that the characters
began with Mr. Carnegie and ran
through the list of men whose names
figure IN the headlines and ut the be-
ginning of columns introduced by such
words as che spoke as follows"
That was all the 2JO guests knew
when they came into the ballroom, to
find it decorated like a convention hall,
with placards attached to poles over
the tables, says the New York Tribune.
ply numbers instead of the names of
states, carried out the convention idea.
After everybody had been seated and
had been surprised by the Merry
Widow" apologies to Henry W. Say
age waltz from the orchestra the ccre-
monies were opened by brief speeches
by Charles +. Hall and Ebert II. Gary,
president of the society. Then the cur
tains parted TO show Andrew Carnegie"
standing behind n dinner table with
Booker L. Washington" as his butler.
The pair We're in earnest conversation.
and the facts were that Mr.. Carnegie
had been disappointed by the regrets
of his guests. The dinner was ready,
and he wanted somebody to eat IT. He
ordered Booker to go out into the
street and invite the passersby to
come Booker" retired and in n mo.
ment reappeared, saying: I've got 'em.
l can't say how good they are, but
they look spectable-they'r presi-
dental possibilities"
- large, open faced man, who
won't come in until he gets three
cheers" was the way Booker intro
duced Uncle Joe Cannon" Sure
enough, he entered, white chin whisk-
ers, uptilted cigar and determined
stride. He took the seat at the head
of the table and raped with the gavel
after having shaken hands with Mr..
Carnegie. The host. by the bye, wore
kits with his tuxedo.
The orchestra struck up Coon, Coon,
Coon" and Senator Foraker rushed in,
ignored Carnegie and shook hands
with Booker" the butler,
"Was my speech on the Brownsville
affair read to the graduating class at
Tuskegee?' was his first question. As
sured by Booker" that it was, For
aker" took his seat next to Cannon"
The national anthem of Sweden au-
nOunced Governor John \. Johnson"
who came In carrying a big valise la
, beled The Swedish Vote" and an aC-
cent that didn't sit on straight
Then arose "I Won't Go Home TIL
Morning" from the orchestra as
boom for the dairy byproducts and
"Vice President Fairbanks" He was
hardly in his seat when Booker" step
ped behind him and presented a full
pint cocktail. That's an insult" said
"Fairbanks," but Booker" corrected
him WITH NO. sir; it's Manhattan"
Just at this moment the orchestra
struck up fearful discord. There Were
wild yells of Copy" Catch the edi-
tion.' Fake it, Get Busy" Then
from the flies burst william Ran
dolph Hearst" dressed in ink smeared
of his famous IL o'clock pink edition
that cheers the milkman on his route
--latest edition of day after tomor-
rows paper"' yelled Hearst"
When Governor Hughes" burst
forth with his hands stuck in his pistol
pockets and his tight fitting frock coat
flying behind he yelled through his por-
there whiskers: whats that about two
milk wagons racing on Fifth avenue?
What's that: Call Il special session of
the legislature, and don't send Grady
an invitation"
The tomtom motif of "Tammany"
announced the coming of william
Jennings Bryan" who was reproduced
almost to the life by Charles Kennedy.
"AIy friends" began MT Bryan" II
thank you. l am the great harmonizer.
But what's the matter with that spot
light| This last was addressed TO
the gallery and after the spot light
had played ON the peerless guest he
took his place at the table.
With a boom and thud of what
might have been Nagnerian music,
but which nobody about the press Ia,
bic recognized, there paraded into view
Secretary Taft" He was none other
taan DOC" Cannon, ballyhoo in
Dreamland last summer "Doc's" voice
was at its strongest, having been well
trained all winter, and he shouted: ~
have secret l have fifty-seven more
votes pledged than there will be in the
convention"
"Mr. Taft" of course broke a chair,
and when he sat down and while he
I II.