The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1908-05-13
0, SAY, BROTHER!
AMT It RICH ?
Doesn't 1t Enthuse Your
Whole Being?
0! HOW We APPLES SWIM !
This Republican Idea of Re-
form in Politics, Just
Amt Ii Great?

Albert RobeMs of Nashville, (the ia
nous John Happy" of the Confeder-
acy), used to give a semi-humorous re-
script for the production of a popular
and successful newspaper which pos
sessed at least the merit of simplic-
ity. you collect each day all the
scandals you can find" said he, land
you print these on the outside pages,
and then you turn to the editorial
page and fill it with moral diatribes
and discourses on virtue in general
and the villainy of the ribald press
in particular"
The Republicans of Kentucky seem
to be playing politics as John Happy
proposed TO play journalism.
They are shouters for Reform, spout
ers for Religion and Morality, touters
for Civic Righteousness. No pari-mu-
fuels for them-in fact, nothing "mu-
tual" at all!--but the stOp-thief cry of
a free ballot and fair count, whilst
Hickey, Dickey and Co. are padding
The returns and robbing the till in
the back office! Civil Service Re-
form, you son-of-a-gun," says the good
Marshall Bullitt. You go down into
the Bloody Tenth and raise all the
hell you can to the square inch
that's the kind of Civil Service Re-
form that goes in the Custom House
and the City Hall. See!" And Broth
er Grinstead and Brother Craft say
Amen" whilst Col John, and the
Bucks, from Buckville, just grunt and
gurgle, calculating that the organ
grinders of the Temple of the Holy
Zebra will make it all right, tra-la!
So we are TO have in Kentucky at
last an officeholders' Republican par
ty, the Niger only for watch
charm, a ruffle to the lily-white's
shirt, boutonniere on the lily-white's
coat, where he is not newer of wood
and a drawer of water,voting as he is
told 10 vote,or not voting at all!
The old NVhallen method has been
admirably studied and closely follow
ed by the raw Apostles of the New
Reform. KNOCK 'em silly, and deny
it," is dhe word! Good Government
and Graft; the old flag and an APP
propriation; prohibition, inhibition, e2
position; and what does it matter as
long asWe do the counting? AS Louis
Vile goes, so goes Kentucky, and are
We not Louisville? Yea, brethering,
We are Louisville Regenerate; the
ballot-boxes belong to the Saints, and
We are the Saints! What, no, there!
myrmidon, dos't not know that TAFT
the only wear? Fairbanks! Who's
Fairbanks? Hughes! Never heard oil
him. Bradley-go tell it TO the Mig
gers and the Marines, Civil Service Re
formers won't believe it!
The Mugwump is in the saddle. The
swallow-tail coat and the white era
vat are 1t. The goose swings high and
the anointed are singing
mighty pretty motion. Susan Gray"
In short, 1t seems a good enough Nor
gan until after the Convention. But
then; when the tides of Summer deep
EN- into the mid-seas of Autumn, and
the ides Of November roll around, that
other verse of the same old song may
become the refrain of the braves who
then may be murmuring-
1.-THE wind Is a-shIftlng. Susan Gray"
Even the piousness of a Bullitt, the
resources of aWhalen, uniting with the
whole choir of the Church of Grin
stead, Graft and Co., may not suffice
TO stem the torrent and bail the boat!
Well, 1t is none of our funeral. We
rather enjoy it. Humbug rampant,
Hypocrisy most incredible, Perfidy
and Phariseeism sitting on the right
hand of the Father of Cant, singing
Hold the Fort" Lord how we apples
swim!
We mourn for Bradley!
Cock-a-doodle-doo! !-LWatterson in
Courier-Journal,