davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1908-11-26
FiddIed Into Office.

Losing relates that in 1915 he met
at Oswego, n. Y. Major Cochran, then
nearly eighty years old, a son-in-law
of General Philip Schuyler who told
the story of his election to congress
during the administration of the elder
Adams. A vessel was to be launched
on one of the lakes in interior New
York, and people came from afar to
see 1t. The young folks gathered
there, determined to have dance at
night. There was fiddle, but ne
fiddler. Young Cochran was an anna
teur performer, and his services were
demanded. He Gratihed the joyous
company, and at the supper table one
of the gentlemen remarked, in com
mendation of his talents, that he was
fit for congress-" The matter was
talked up, and he was nominated and
elected representative IN congress
for the district then comprising the
whole of New York west of Schenec-
tady. He always claimed to have
"fddled himself into congress"
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1908-11-26
Plauiarism,

At the literary club a sympathetic
crowd surrounded the humorist, whose
house had been robbed.
'Phey cleaned out everything" said
the man-"everything, but, thank good
ness, they didn't swipe from my desk
the manuscript column of jokes for
next weeks paper"
perhaps they knew" suggested q
sonneteer cynically, that the joke.
had already been swiped.'
His Harmless Candidate.
A Georgia farmer posted this sign on
his front gate:
Candidates VIII Pass on. No Time
to Talk to EN-"
one morning his little boy shouted
from the garden walk:
There's one o them canderdates
here. and he says he'll come in any
howw
The man looked toward the gate and
said:
Let him in. There's no harm in him.
| know him. He's been runnin' ever
since the war, jest to be a-runnin'. 1t
runs in his blood, an he can't help itw
Atlanta Constitution.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1908-11-26
The Complete Alpinist.

The y6lng millionaire had climbed
the Jungfrau, Monck and Eiger.
1T is more dangerous work than mo-
toring,' he said, "and, dear me, how
the climber is loaded down. He re-
sembles peddler more than anything
else. He carries wood to make a fire
with. He carries nails for his boots
He carries lamp. He also has an AK
wherewith to cut steps for himself in
perpendicular ice walls, and he has
cord where with to rope himself to his
companions, and he has a staff to help
him up and down the sleeps. In the
sack on his back there are all sorts
Of things-tubes of concentrated soup,
tea, coffee, candles, socks, extra shirts,
gloves, pins, brandy, meat extract
smoked glasses. And dangling be-
tween his shoulders is pair of
snowshoes, without which in the hot
August sun he would sink in the soft
snow quite up to his knees at every
step."-New Orleans Times-Democrat
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1908-11-26
It Did Not Work.

Mr.. Seabury and his wife were or
the point OF moving TO another flat
Both Of them were anxious that the
transfer should be made at the least
possible expense, and the nearness OF
the new home promised materially to
further this aim.
Il can carry loads OF little things
over in my brown bag" announced
Mrs. Seabury, land you can take
books and so on in your big satchel"
In discussing further the matter of
transportation Mrs. Seabury remarked
that Notwithstanding the heat she
could wear her winter coat over, leave
ii and return for her spring coat. The
idea charmed her impractical husband.
why. | can do the same thingw he
said. I'll wear over one suit and
then come back for Youths
Companion.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1908-11-26
Not a Nursery.

Before l got this job l had no idea
so many funny things happened on
street cars" said n new conductor, ac-
cording TO the Denver Post. Every
day l see and hear things that are
amusing. For instance, woman with
a baby about two years old boarded
my car and rode downtown. When we
reached Fifteenth and California she
rose to get off. The baby was tucked
snugly In the corner of the seat. The
woman hesitated in the aisle. Say
she said to me, ia like to ask a favor
of you
"'What is it? l asked
"T've got some shopping to do she
said. Would you please take baby
around trip with you? l don't want
him with me. I'll be back when you
return to this corner and take him.
Madam l replied, I can't take
care of your baby. Suppose he should
get to crying, as he undoubtedly
would"
"'Well, goodness me- she said, you
could slap him, couldn't your"
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1908-11-26
Hard on the Messender.

Tommy had been spanked by Miss
Manners, his first grade teacher, but
his next teacher had not reached the
point where she felt she could do jus.
tice to him in spite OF all his naughti-
ness.
Send him to me when you want
him spanked" said Miss Manners one
morning after her colleague had re-
lated his many misdemeanors.
About IL O'clock Tommy appeared
at Miss Manners door. She dropped
her book, Grasped him firmly by the
hand, led him to the dressing room,
turned him over her knee and admins
tered punishment.
When she had finished she said,
"Now, Tommy, what have you to say?"
Please, miss, my teacher wants the
scissors" was the unexpected reply
Success Magazine.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1908-11-26
Brief and Pithv.

An American law journal has quot
ed the charge to jury delivered by Il
certain Judge Donovan as the shortest
on record. The judge said:
Gentlemen of the jury, if you be
lieve the plaintiff find verdict for
plaintiff and fix the amount If you
believe the defendant find a verdict
for defendant. Follow the officer"
But an English periodical caps this
brief charge by quoting a shorter one
delivered by Commissioner Kerr. He
said to jury:
'"That man says prisoner robbed him.
The prisoner says he didn't. You set
tie it,
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1908-11-26
QUEER CRABS.
The Ingenious Manner In Which They
Disguise Themselves.

The Ingenious Manner In Which They
Disguise Themselves.
Some species of crabs disguise them
selves in an ingenious manner They
deliberately bite up seaweeds and
plant them on their backs, very soon
establishing a growth which harmo-
niZes perfectly with the surroundings
and deceives many an enemy. Should
the weeds grow too vigorously the
crab industriously prunes them with
his claws and every now and then
scrapes the whole lot off and starts a
fresh garden on his roof, so to speak
The sponge crab behaves in SINH
lar manner, nipping off little bits of
living sponge and sticking them on his
back, where they grow vigorously.
The same end is served as in the other
case. 1t is very amusing to keep crabs
of one or other of these kinds in an
aquarium and deprive them of the
usual means of concealment.
They get very nervous and agitated
and try to cover themselves with bits
of paper or anything else that may be
provided. One such captive is said
to have had a little greatcoat made
for him, which he put on in a hurry
as soon as it was handed to him.
London Sphere.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1908-11-26
MOntOur American
FRANK c. ANGLE, Proprietor.
DanvilIe, Pa, Nv. 20, 1908.
ROBERT FULTON AS A LAD.
Incidents Illustrating the Young Mans
Interest In Mechanics.

Incidents Illustrating the Young Mans
Interest In Mechanics.
There are several anecdotes which
relate to Robert Fulton's early interest
b mechanics-the first steps of progress
toward his later skill. In 1913. when
he was eight years old, his mother,
having previously taught him to read
and write. sent him to school kept by
Mr.. Caleb Johnson, Quaker gentle
man of pronounced Tory principles-so
pronounced, in fact. that he narrowly
escaped with his life during the Revo-
luton. But Robert Fulton did not care
for books and he began at Avery early
age TO search for problems never mas
tered and bound in print. This greatly
distressed the Quaker teacher, who
spared not the rod and it is said that
in administering such discipline on the
hand of Robert Fulton he one day tes-
tily exclaimed, There, that will make
you do somethingw to which Robert
with folded arms, replied, "Sir, l came
to have something beaten into my
brains and not into my knuckles.'
Without doubt he was a trial TO his
teacher.
lie entered school one day very late,
and when the master inquired the rea-
son Robert, with frank interest, re
piled that lie had been at Nicholas Mil
ler's shop pounding out lead for a pen
Gil 1T is the very best | ever had,
sir" he affirmed rs he displayed his
product. The master, after an exami.
natton of the pencil, pronounced it ex-
cellent. When Roberts mother, who
had been distressed by his lack Of APP
pllcation to his studies, expressed to
his teacher her pleasure at signs of
Improvement the latter confided to her
that Robert had said to him, MY head
is so full of original notions that there
is no vacant chamber to stow away the
contents of dusty books"
These incidents to the contrary, it is
nevertheless true that Robert Fulton
did absorb a good knowledge of the
rudiments of education.-Century Mag
azine.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1908-11-26
Settled the Sian.

When William NJ EvartS was sec
retary of state a new elevator man
had been employed in the department
who did not know Mr.. Evarts by sight.
In his car was a conspicuous sign to
the effect that by order of the secrc-
tary of state smoking was prohibited
One day Mr.. Evarts boarded the car
in company with a famous senator,
the latter smoking a cigar. The new
man promptly touched the smoker on
the elbow and said, pointing at the no
tice, Cant you read that slgn?" Mr..
Evarts promptly tore down the Of
Tending notice and, turning to the ele-
vator man, said: What sign? l don't
see any" The attendant, suspecting
something, wisely held his peace, but
he followed the pair out and asked the
guard at the door who the chap with
the large head was. The guard told
him
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1908-11-26
He Knew His Business.

An open moving van, piled high with
furniture was proceeding slowly up
Third avenue in the Harlem section.
The driver, whose face denoted con
tentment and an inclination to doze.
sat cross kneed, holding the reins loose
ly. The driver had arranged com
Portable support for his back. This
was nothing less than framed oil
painting about 3 by 4 feet in size. un-
covered, and with the painting unpro-
tected from the coatless, warm wealth
cred shoulder blades. \ citizen hailed
him from the curb.
Hey! Don't ruin that picture lean
ing against it that way"
"Ah, g'wan!" said the driver Dis
amt de first time drove furniture.
know me business"
And the van passed on.-New York
Globe
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1908-11-26
C0L0RS IN THE OCEAN.
Various Causes For the Different Tints
Of the Water,


Sky and cloud colors are often re-
fected In the sea, but just as the air
has Its sunset glory so water has its
changing tints quite apart from mere
reflection.
Olive and brown lines in the waves
on the coast come from the muddy
sediment washed from the shore, as
biues arise chiefly from reflected sky.
but there are many other colors IN the
ocean. On almost every long voyage
at sea spots of reddish brown color
are noticed at one time or another.
When few drops of the discolored
water are examined under micro
scope myriads of minute cylinder shap-
ed algae are seen, some separate, some
Joined together in scores. 1t is this
rganism-sometimes called "sea saw
dust"-which has given the name to
the Red sea, although 1t also abounds
In other waters. Sometimes the wa
ter far from land will be seen to be of
chocolate hue for an extent of sew
eral miles, and this Is caused by mil.
lions upon millions of minute one cell
ed animals which lash themselves
along, each on his erratic individual
course, by means of the finest of hair
like threads of cilia.-Pearsons.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1908-11-26
What the Duke Meant.

His grace the Duke of Argyll was
addressing a select company in a Lon
don drawing room on the present state
of things in South Africa. Il look for
ward TO the time" he said, when the
Englishman will marry the Boer girl
and have an English wife as WE'LL"
Respectable dowagers looked their
surprise, and the men began to smile.
Then the duke carefully explained
that he meant, of course that the Boer
girl should become an Englishwoman
to all intents and purposes.-Reynolds'
Newspaper.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1908-11-26
SCARLET FEVER.
A scourse of White Races In All Ages
and Countries.

A Scourse of White Races In All Ages
and Countries.
Now that smallpox, thanks to COM
puisory vaccination, has become a rar-
ity in civilized communities, scarlet
fever steps forward as the worst of
the eruptive diseases of childhood
1t is n malady of enormous antiquity
Thucydides, writing nearly 500 years
before the beginning of our era, called
It a heritage from the remote past.
1t has scourged the white races in all
ages and all countries, and the ply
sicians of all schools have leveled
their heaviest artillery upon it. Yet
1t remains a puzzle unsolved and an
enemy unconquered even today. We
are in doubt as to its cause, and there
is no drug or antitoXin that will cure
1t. But despite all this the death rate
from scarlet fever is steadily declin-
Ing, and we may expect it to decline
more and more as the years go by.
The reason for this, l take it, lies in
the fact that the modern doctor is
great deal more sparing with pills and
powders than his predecessor and a
great deal more lavish with water, air
and antiseptics. In the old days it
was customary to dose scarlet fever
patients with all sorts of violent rene
dies in staggering quantities, and as a
result many OF them died Today
medicines are but minor auxiliaries in
the sichroom, and both doctor and
nurse devote their main energies TO
preventing q spread of the Infection
Delincator.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1908-11-26
The Traces of the Beasts.

On every side in the Malay wilds
the traces Of the which here
live as scheduled. as safe from molcs-
tation, as did their ancestors in pre-
Adamite days-are visible on tree
trunk. ON beaten game path and on
the yielding clay at the drinking
places by the hurrying stream. Here
belt of mud nine feet from the
ground shows that an elephant mas
rubbed his itching back against the
rough bark of a tree, and, see, coarse
hairs are still sticking in the hardened
clay. There n long, sharp scratch re
peated at regular intervals marks the
passing of a rhinoccros. Here. again
is the pad mark of a tiger barely an
hour old. and the pitted tracks of deer
of all sizes and varieties surround the
deeply punched holes which are the
footsteps of an elephant. - Cornhil
Magazine.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1908-11-26

Shortly after the death of one O.
Engiand's greatest poets a devoted al
mirer of his visited the little West
mor1and villages where the poet ha4
lived and died TO gaze reverently II,
his house, the little church and at
some of his favorite haunts where
some of his immortal poems were com.
posed.
Seeing an old man a native of the
village, the stranger entered into con
versation with him, remarking sadly
on the death Of the poet, to which the
old man answered kindly and encour.
agingly:
Aye, aye, still l max ma doobt but t
wife II carry the bizness on
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1908-11-26

\ boy who was consumptive and
was rapidly going along the road to
the grave was taken in hand by one
who understood deep breathing and
the Importance of proper mastication
OF food, etc. He was made TO under
stand precisely why deep breathing
was of such vital Importance, and he
took lively interest In his own cure
lie was fourteen years old. In a very
few weeks the change was remark
able. lie began to get firm flesh on his
poor little limbs, his chest developed
well and healthy color came into
his cheeks. His eyes. which were al
ways covered with sites, became per-
fectly free from them, and In three
months or less there was no sign of
consumption in him. l may say he
was only treated once a week for
half an hour.-Pall Mall Gazette.
Liberality.
Little Jimmie, who had just received
n box of mixed candy, passed 1t around
to treat the family, saying: Help your
self to all the chocolates you want.
I don't like them. m."-Exchange.
Conscience looks out upon every hu-
man life.-Davidson.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1908-11-26
Wanted the Other One.

A handsome and neatly dressed young
woman was walking down the street
the other day, followed by her favor
ite dachshund pup. 1t was market
day, and the pavement being some
what crowded caused the dog to get
some distance behind its mistress.
Fearing it would lose sight of her, she
called, Come along, sir"
\ would be wit who was near step
ped up to her and with great politeness
said, "Ccrtaiuly, miss"
All" she exclaimed as her pet came
running up, you have made Il mis-
take! This is the puppy I called.
London Tit-Bits.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1908-11-26
WORLDWIDE AID FOR SAILORS
Representatives From Many Nations to
Attend Conference In New York.

Attend Conference In New York.
Representatives from twelve nations
are bound for New York city to attend
a conference called by the American
Seamen's Friend society for Oct 4.
America will be represented by author
tiles on the interests of seamen from
many of the society's branch stations
in the leading ports on both coasts.
The ways of the crimp, the boarding
master, the shipping agent and ship
owner will be discussed by men who
have made lifelong study of these
elements in the life of the sailor ashore.
The treatment of men in the navies as
well as the merchant marine will come
up for consideration, and efforts will
be made to perfect the organization by
which the society is aiming TO keep in
touch with the shifting body of sail.
ors through their forty-five stations all
over the world
From Great Britain is coming e. w.
Matthews, secretary of the British and
Foreign Sailors society of London He
has just completed tour of the world.
The problems of the sailor in Mediter-
ranean ports will be reported by T. ]
Irving, from Naples. where he has
been an active worker for stranded
seamen. The Rev. Mr. Wollesen of the
society's station at Copenhagen has
already arrived. He will be followed
by other leading workers in the ports
of Germany, Holland and Sweden.
Representing the western hemisphere
are members of the American Sea
mems Friend society from Montreal
down to Buenos Aires. Among the
cities are New Orleans, Gloucester
Seattle, Norfolk. Galveston, Newport
News, Pensacola, Boston. Charleston
Wilmington ana Portland, ore. The
experiment of the society's agents I'm
the ports Of every seaboard state to
provide free shipping bureaus. suitable
accommodations, entertainments bank
ing and Quitting facilities for sea!ucu
will be discussed.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1908-11-26
LEGAL VERBlAGE.
A Kick Frcm a Layman Against It's
Solemn Senselessness.

A Kick From Layman Against Its
Solemn Senselessness.
AS fond as | am of reading" said Il
merchant, Il never peruse Il legal doc
ument without feeling irritable over
my inability to grasp the real meaning
of such paper at a glance. Like
many other persons not engaged in the
legal profession, | sometimes have to
read contracts and other agreements
drawn up by lawyers, and often Won
der why in this age of common sense
the 'whereases,' 'aforesaids' and par
ties of the first part are not relegated
TO oblivion. The technical vcrbiage
employed is a relic of the age when
that which was mysterious and could
not be understood was esteemed to be
beyond the comprehension of the com
mon herd. The use Of uncommon Eng
lish in purely business circles would
not be endured. Why, then. should
the transfer of a piece of property be
n process so labyrinthian and so mys-
teriouS that Il man of sound sense
cannot fathom it? 1t has been esti-
mated that the clipping of the letter
u from such words as humour, labour
and the like has added to the world
each year what is equivalent to the
productive capacity of 500 ablcbodied
men. Wha, would we not gain if
from every !, ;al paper and from every
legal suit there should be removed
that vast mass of superfluity, that an
tque verbiase, that bulk of repetition
and solemn senselessness that now in
wraps them as the shell inwraps the
clam ?'-Chicago Inter Ocean.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1908-11-26
a Worthy Desire

An ambitious young ChicaGoan called
upon a publisher of novels in that city.
to whom he impaired confdentially
the information that he had decided
to "write a book" and that he would
be pleased to afford the publisher the
chance to bring it out.
MAY l venture to inquire as to the
nature of the book you propose to
write?" asked the publisher very po-
litely.
oh" came in an offhand way from
the aspirant for fame. Il think of
doing something on the line of Les
Miserables,' only livelier, you knowr'-
Llppincotts.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1908-11-26
A FEROcIoUS EARL.
Alexander of Buchan, Known as the
"Wolf of Badenoch."

vSoI " bdocfoSHs
During the restoration of Dunkeld
cathedral the worlmen unearthed the
remains of Bishop Sinclair, one Of
those who assisted in the building of
the cathedral, and of the notorious
Alexander, earl of Buchan, whose fe-
rocity won for him the significant
title of the "wolf of Badenoch." A
memorial marks the spot where the
wolf was buried, and it has often
been a subject of remark by visitors
thar man who plundered churches
and in various ways showed his hatred
of the clergy should have been laid
to rest side by side with bishops and
other high ecclesiastics.
Alexander, earl of Buchan, was
younger son of Robert H. of Scotland
During the closing years of the lat
ter's reign the chief powers in the
state were delegated to his sons, the
earls of Fife and Buchan, and after
the accession of Robert Ill, an amia-
BILE but weak prince. this unfortu-
nate delegation was allowed to be con
tinued. The Earl of Buchan ruled
over the northern part of Scotland
with an authority little less than re-
gal. He has been described as scarce
ly better than a savage-cruel, fero-
cious and relentless. Among his ex-
ploits was the destruction of the mag
nificent cathedral of Elgin. He car
ried off the chalices and vestments.
polluted the shrines with blood and
finally set fire to the noble edifice, the
houses of the canons and the town
itself. He also laid waste a large part
of the c0untrY.-pnll Mnll Ga2ette
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1908-11-26
Diamond Cutters and Their Work.

Not only is diamond cutting not n
specially highly paid occupation. but 1t
is one involving n most humiliating
system of espionage to the worker.
Each man has to strictly account for
the stones he receives on going to
work in the morning, and the count
has to be carefully taken when the un-
finished work is handed in at night to
be locked up in safe against the re-
turn of the workmen the next day.
The possibilities of theft are great,
though a dishonest workman knows
that an attempt to dispose of an uufin-
ished stone would bring suspicion upon
him wherever the attempt was made.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1908-11-26
Enaland's Mother Church.

The oldest frequented church In
England is probably St Martins. at
Canterbury, and you may call it the
mother church of England. Walk up
from the outskirts Of the city and you
will pass the font which gave baptism
to King Ethelbert 1900 years ago. The
font still stands, the worshipers still
mount the slope, and one considers
whether it was Augustine or Bertha
who dragged the king and husband to
that font.-London Chronicle.