The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-04
MRS. BoWsER's STORY.
In Which She Gives Mr.. Bowser Due
Credit.

When a boy brought rather curious
looking bundle to the door the other
afternoon and said that Mr.. BoWser hao
sent it I knew that there was to be an
other experiment of some sort. A dozen
times before Mr.. Bowser's arrival at q
o'clock I was tempted to cut the strings
and solve the mystery, but each time l
was restrained by the cook, who said:
For heavens sake, don't NEEDLE with
it. ma'am. 1t may be another OF Queen
Elizabeth's dresses he has bought at
auction for you or it may be some In
fernal machine that will go off with a
bang and blow US over the roof
Mr.. Bowser smiled as he came home
and found the package in the hall. He
expected me to ask the contents, but l
didn't He threw out various hints dur
ing dinner and when he had finished
he took a paper from his pocket and
said:
Mrs Bowser, 1 have gathered a few
statistics that may be of some interest
to you. / wish to state at the outset,
however, that they do not relate to bar
gain sales"
do they relate to how many snipe
you shot when you went hunting IN
September and was lost in a marsh for
twenty-four hours?" queried-
He took out a memorandum book and
made an entry. 1 have seen that entry
since, and it reads: Mrs. Bowser has
sassed ne, and 1 will lay for her and
get even" when he had written the
words he said:--
IN regard to these statistics, let me
say that the number of people burned
in their beds in America during the
last year was 1920. These people lost
their lives in fires occurring at night.
They were cut off from stairways and
did not dare jump from the windows"
And do you propose to open jumping
schools?" I asked.
He flushed up and was ready to make
retort, when he thought better Of 1t
and took out the book and wrote:
More sass from Mrs. Bowser. I will
make her heart ache for it, Then he
swallowed his feelings and said:
s'All these lives were needlessly sacri-
feed. Had the houses been properly
equipped with fire-escapes every man,
woman and child could have got safely
down. We have been married nineteen
years, Mrs. Bowser. That is 1885 days
and nights. On at least 1880 nights
] have gone to bed In fear of f1re-of be-
ing roasted before morning"
And that's why you have laid on
your back and snored like a locomotive
blowing off steam, and why l have
sometimes had to almost drag you out
on the floor to wake you up"
Out came the little book and the
third entry read: Mrs. Bowser's i'm
pudence continues. It will be a ter
rible reckoning when I get around to
it, Then he said to me:
"I admit that I have bought fire
escapes that wouldn't escape, and
that you have a right to be cynical,
but don't carry the thing too far. The
inventor of the latest thing in that
line was In the Office this morning to
see me. He wants to call it the Bow
ser Sure-Shot Fire Escape and he has
sent one. here for me to try If it
works all right I will let him use my
name and perhaps purchase a half
interest
And probably break your neck
fooling around with the thing. Mr..
Bowser, I object. This house is per-
fectiy safe from fire. If the whole
lower part was in flames we could
get out on the roof. If you go to
dawdaing around with that thing you
will at least draw a crowd of idlers,
and some one will turn in a fire alarm
and call out the engines and police.
You can come some afternoon and ex-
pertinent from one OF the back win
dows. You will be picked up with al
least fourteen broken bones. and you
may linger along for two or three
weeks, but I shall nurse and console