The Washington herald., 1908-01-05


"This begins" said the Mere Man en-
phatieaIly. as he bit the end Of his cigar.
'just like fairy tale. Where is he now?
Did the goblins get him-or is he dead?
Worse" murmured the Bachelor Girl
sadly.
Hes married. declared the Mere Man
with dramatic conviction.
The Bachelor Girl shook her head until
the kitten mewed for mercy.
still worse" she returned tragicaDy.
''He's-in lover'
but, protested the Mere Nan. that
ought to knit your friendship with a
bond OF sympathy A man in that con-
dition needs friends. He ought to want
you ten times more and"
That's the trouble" broke in the Bach
elor Girl impetuously rufling the kittens
fur He does. He's in love with-mer
The Mere Man put down the match he
was about to light and stared into the
fire without speaking for fully three min
utes.
How funny" he remarked at length
under his breath
The Bachelor Girl dropped the kitten
into her lap.
1T isn't funny. Mr. Porter she ex-
claimed warmly. It's perfectly natu-
raj"
How funny," persisted the Mere Man
that he shouldn't have discovered it be-
fore
And I won't have you speaking pat
rOnizingiy Of my friends"
But he isn't your friend now" ret0rt-
ed the Mere Man. He's only a poor
devil in need of advice ard kindness.
and-and the gold cure.
''The-what?''
"A course Of scientific treatment war
ranted 70 cure the most violent and ag-
gravated eases of heart-hunger," ex-
planned the Mere Man, "a radical sur
gical operation for removing a diseased
Imagination and enlarged sentiment, a
good old allopathic dose of-what he
wants"
"Of-what. Mr. Porter"
"Of-you," returned the Mere Man,
promptly THE only way to cure man
Of wanting anything-is to give it to him.
whether it's food, or a drink, or a wom-
an. And the only way to cure him per-
nlanently is 70 give him too much of it.
IL don't understand you" The
Bachelor Girl smOothed the kittens back
with a cool, but puzzled air.
We'll" explained the Mere Man, puff
fng thoughtfully, do you remember
when you were a very little girl how you
wanted candy before Christmas, and got
it-and didn't want it after Christmas?
Do you ever remember being hungry
right after dinner, or thirsty after drink
ins a couple Of cocktails"
Mr.. Porter"
Il mean lemon sodas; or sleepy after a
good nights rest, or lonely when the
house was crowded with people or anxi-
Gus for anything on earth that you had
had too much Of? It's the same way
with love or a girl, and the Mere Man
leaned back and studied the Bachelor
Girl through a haze Of smoke.
You mean" she inquired, nearly drop
ping the kitten in her astonishment,
that the only way to cure mans in
fatuatiOn is TO return it?"
with interest. declared the Mere Man
impeTturbably. And then" he added,
chuckling softly. watch him lose-the
interest. If the parents of that young
lady who was pursued by the French
marquis, for instance, had only known
enough 20 turn the tables and run after
the marquis and carry the two of to a
country house. where they couldn't see
anybody but one another at breakfast or
luncheon or dinner for six months, they
wouldn't have had any trouble in break
ing up the match: 1t would have burnt
itself out long before IT reached the can
die Of matrimony. If they wanted her TO
get rid OF him"
''Oh we'll" broke in the Bachelor Girl
cheerfully, she'll set rid of him yet"
by marrying him?" inquired the Mere
Man ironically.
"Of course" retorted the Bachelor Girl
THAT old saw about q woman marrying
man to get rid of him isn't joke; it's
a hard. cold fact. II happens every day.
The best way 10 keep a man from want
ing to sit by your side every night is to
make him feel that he has got to sit
there The best way TO send him away
from you Is to tie him to you. The quick
est way TO stop him from making love is
20 make love a duty"
But that's only a last resort" pro-
tested the Mere Man eontemptuously.
There are ever SO many little stopping
places along the road 20 matrimony
where a man would get off if he saw
what was coming"
Then / wish you'd do that now" ex-
claimed the Bachelor Girl, jerking the
kittens tail impatiently.
'DO-what?"
Get off this disagreeable subject From
what / understand, you want me to ac-
cept this mans attentions and"
I don't want you 10 accept them, "
broke IN the Mere Man hastily; Il want
you to embrace them and clutch at
them"
"What?"
And angle for them and demand them.
I want you to coax him TO call every
evening ana to TeprOaCh him when he's
ten minutes late. and TO flatter him about
everything, from his nose to his knowI-
edge. and to embrOider his necktie cases,
and call on his sister, and cook him fancy
luncheons, and give him all your photo
graphs, and blush with pleasure at his
compliments, and burst into tears when
ever he glances at another woman or
speaks Of his past or kisses-the cat or
mentions previous engagement. The
girl a chap is always certain TO find AT
home and dressed and waiting when he
calls. and who always induces him TO
stay a little longer than he had intend
ed. and who never refuses his invitations
and who answers his letters by return
post, and reproaches him for neglect if
he happens 20 forget her for half an
hour and calls him up over the phone
twenty times day, and drops in at his
once at disconeerting moments, leaves
him feeling Ike the little boy who had
nothing on earth t. wish for-except
that he could get rid of what he already
had"
But / don't want anybody 10 wish to
get rid OF me-" cried the Bachelor Girl,
flushing.
"Oh, I thought you did" The Mere
Man turned and gazed at her in aston
ish1.nort Nd .-arEna "a LII. ..n..