The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1908-01-03

! BitronS. known as ''Two-F Facel Jam
U.S. lie was the originator Of what
is known As 1.-The politician life
! Saver.n y wave Of prohibition was
;; sweeping Rome, and Bifrons' a can
didate for the senate, had to declare
himself one way CT the other to ev-
cry third man he met. But lie was
foxy Dago, and when he was asked,
"Do YOU drink, Bil!ons?" he would
slyly ask in return, is this an invl-
talion, or do you just want to
know?'
Rome had gate named for Janus.
1t led from the Palatlne to the Qulrl-
nal Hill, and was closed only wnen
Rome was at peace with the world.
This occurred but four times-unle-
Numa, Augustus Caesar and Vespa-
tian, and after the first Punic War.
Julius Caeser kept the gate open
wider than anybody. Just to salts
fy himself that no other Roman nad
ever had anything On him in this re-
spect, he once drove twenty loads Of
hay through the gate abreast, as
against a record of fourteen loads.
Caesar was a great joker, and his
favorite pun was made at this gate.
Riding through when the sun was
setting, he pointed at the sunset with
one han1 and at the passing railroad
construction crew with the ether,
and exclaimed to his lieutenants,
"Behold, the day goes"
Another year (mark we'll the rhyme)
Has joined the Host Of Father Time.
A few more solid banks will burst
To many trusting ones disgust.
The widow decently bereft
Will pop the question right and left,
And luckless man. Of Leap Year butt,
Will scramble for the tall uncut.
The sport in congress will consist
Of battles with the horney fist, the
gentleman Missouri bred will call
some one noodle head; they'll
clinch and bite each others cheek,
the frightened galleries will shrek,
the speaker will get out a gun, the
man from Arkansas will run, the
sergeant will blot through door,
the fight will spread upon the floor,
the clerk will climb the chaplain 5
back, and the air will sound with
Biff and Wnack; the War Depart
ment will turn ont, the senate will
get in the bout, the Fairbanks with
triumphant cry, will black Ben Till
mans other eye; the President will
get his hat, MS boxing gloves and
trusty bat, and will eSclaim on CON-
ing back, "All's quiet on the Po-to
mack!'
After that we shall have very pleas
ant weather. The moon will be full
on the 18TH, and persons We never
heard of will be mentioned for vice.
president. The Fish-Harriman fight
will 90 into the tenth round, and Mr..
Fish will complain to The Hague trl-
bunal that Mr.. Harahan is using
knucks. General Funston, on guard
at Goldfeld, will appeal to Secretary
Metcalf to transfer him to Washing
tn where the fighting is going on;
Christmas presents will be exchanged
for something you want, and Japan,
hearing that the fleet is to keep right
on across the Pacific, will move over
on the mainland and dig cyclone
cellars.
Persons born in January have cold
feet, and do not play poker. 1t they
are born under the influence of Aqu-
arius the water carrier, they will
vote dry. They are very ingenious,
and know now to turn the gas meter
back. They have large families and
small incomes. They are good at IL
cures and can tell you whether wo-
man s shape is real or excelsior. They
are slow to marry, but can get d.
vorce as quick as anybody. They are
very shrewd in money matters, and
never give tneir wives the money.
Don't answer the doorbell this
month. It's book agent. Keep the
silverware under the coal pile. If you
come home late at night, look out for
highwaymen, and walk in the middle
of the street, as the policeman does.
Don't write love letters. She Will
save them.
The trusts will continue to show