davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1908-03-14
We Waive
the Honor.

In view of the fact that there is soon
to be a convention, the first one ever
held, of American newspaper humor-
the other day asked if We had on the
Florida press any jokesmith who was
eligible to membership in the conven-
ton. The Tampa Tribune, always
alert, caught our question on the fly
and oVerwhelms US with modest con-
fusion by this magnanimous answer:
We were much impressed bv two
paragraphs printed in Sunday edition
OF The Pensacola Journal. The first
of these reads: The American Press
Humorists association will meet in
Houston, Tex, May 3, to perfect it's
organization and do such other things
as will give it dignity, standing, etc,
and enable it TO be taken seriously
by the American people. What about
the delegate from Florida? Have we
a funny man on the press of this state
who makes the humorous stunt his
speciality" And Immediately sue
ceeding 1t appears the following:
why not an auto parade?" asks the
Tampa Tribune. Certainly. You
ought'o have it."
Why, this com bination speaks for
itself. The Journal recognizes it's own
phenomenal originality and screaming
humor. 1t takes the wind completely
out OF the sails Of any scribe who
might have been presumptuous enough
to enter the contest For who would
dare to open his mouth in the face
of such convincing testimony that
The Journal has the balance of the
Gf--l-s I,sf
genuine, unauthorized and surpass.
ing wit is concerned?
Our one dread is not from the living
humorists, who will not dare COM
pete, but from the dead We love
the Journal and we love its people
and tremble lest Dean Swift, Charles
Lamb, Hood, SAKE or other of the
wits and punsters OF old may be so
moved by envy as to rise from their
graves, rattle their angry bones and
| Spook those Pensacola brethren till
| they become too scared even to come
back at Editor Collins of the ITALIA.
hassee True-Democrat. because of his
neat but disconcerting demonstration
of the way the Florida machine grinds
up the privileges of the people.
We shall not accept the honor thus
kindly thrust upon us, for we feel no
call TO the funny stunt as steady
job. but since the name of John Col
Inns. of the Tallahassee True Deuo-
crat. has been mentioned we propose
him for the place as we believe him TO
be the greatest unconscious humorist
in the state OF Florida, if not in the
world. In proof We offer his solemn
and Iugubrious dissertations on that
dreadful machine" at Tallahassee
which is remorselessly grinding our
liberties into small bits and which will
inevitably reduce US all to yassalage
unless some very pro1ant and decisive
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1908-03-14
Whiskey Shipments in DeFuniak.

There are now over twenty prison
ers in the county jail, and OF those
more than half would not be there
we're 1t not for the shipments of
whiskey into dry county. Every one
OF these is an unnecessary burden on
the taxpayers, to say nothing of the
moral side of the question. These are
among the reasons we have for favor
ing legislation that will prevent these
shipments. The supreme court of the
United States has held such legisla-
ton constitutional in the Delamater
case, so that there is no excuse for
not having such law except the I'M
willingness of the legislature to pass
it-DeFuniak Breeze
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1908-03-14

Mrs. Carrie Nation is now taking
a good rest in Miami, preparatory to
resuming her crusade-nobody knows
where-perhaps in Pensacola. But
she is holding meetings in a mild way
in Miami, just to keep her hand in, so
to speak, and even during the truce
it isn't safe to get too fresh with her.
The Miami News-Record of Wednes-
day has this suggestive paragraph:
Mrs. Nation proved to be an exceed
ingly hot wire when a county official
tackled her in her own meeting.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1908-03-14

measures are taken to stay its raw
ages. We waive the honor which the
Tribune offers, in favor of Bro. Col
Inns He and his machine to
which he is entitled by right of dis
coVery, would make combination
equal to that of Artemus Ward and
his wax fggers" with which ne con-
vulsed the world and went easily to
the head Of American humorists. Ar
temus is now dead and We nominate
John as his successor
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1908-03-14
SECRETARY TAFT
MEETS THE GAR


Personal audience with the car is
basis for the statement that the bulk
Of the newspaper and magazine d.
Scriptions are very misleading In the
impressions which they create. The
American visitor prepared to meet
a very small man of faril physique
and delicate construction, will De
much surprised in meeting a man of
quite the average height, of rlrddy
complexion. clear blue eye, and who
speaks English with great fuency.
asks friendly personal questions, and
seems especially interested to obtain
correct Impressions of American af-
fairs from reliable resources.
The manueuvers of the famous sec
ond regiment attracted the immediate
attention of the American party, e;id
the magnificent physique Of those
troops has brought them worldwide
fame. Every man OF the regiment is
over six feet in height.
Petersburg is a nights ride by rail
from quaint old Moscow The city
on the Neva, clad in early winter
SHOWS, had all the picturesque glow
of the earlier conceptions.
Owing to sudden indisposition, the
czarine was compelled to forego her
anticipated audience to Mrs. Taft,
which was conveyed to the party IN
the most gracious manner Altogeth-
er, few of the incidents of the long
journey around the world. looked at
in perspective. seem fuller OF pleas
ant Renaissance than the few hours
spent in the Russian city which
speaks so strongly Of the genius of
the Great Peter.
All, yes, the trousers! There can
be no rose without its thorn. Sad
though the incident was. and long it
seemed between the time of the I'M
fortunate damage and the return of
the repaired garment, the humorous
spirit with which every little acct
dent of life is taken by the American
people demonstrates that we are a
nation which is bound to look on tire
bright side of things.-From Secre-
tary Taft's Own Story OF His Tour
Around the World. in the National
Magazine for March.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1908-03-14

The Thaw case has at last passed
out of its putrescent stage into a com.
paratively pure atmosphere, where de.
cent people can afford to talk about it.
Evelyn has applied for a divorce from
Harry on the ground that he was in
sane when the marriage ceremony
was performed. Under the circum-
stances, we don't blame her. She is
not an admirable character, but she
is better from every point of view
than the unhappy degenerate she mar
ried, and now that she has discharged
her full duty under most trying cir
cumstafces in saving him from the
electric chair, she is entitled to be
legally and permanently rid of him.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1908-03-14
CAMPAIGN IN THIRD
} CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT
stephens conident Of Majority.

Col. Jefferson D. stephens, the
Jackson county candidate for con-
gress IS very much in evidence ABOUT
his candidacy. He was here Satur-
day distributing copies of his plat
form, which in the main sounds good,
but contains some things concerning
which the national congress has moth
ing to do, and the 'lectioneering TO
beat the band (of those against him) }.
According to his. view he is the only
simon pure blown in the bottle gen.
uine all wool peoples candidate In
the bunch, the rest all being more or
less tainted with extraneous inhu-
ences. The man who imagines that
his method of campaigning is not
going to win him some votes has sew
eral more guesses coming, all differ
ent from that. He is confident or a
big majority in his home county. and
expects to carry several others by
safe plTraHty.-DeFunia Breeze.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1908-03-14
PENSACOLA. FLORIDA SATURDAY MORNING MARCH

old Vox PopuN, who is at present
asleep or very nearly so.
There is Just one way to do it and
that is the Tennessee way. Let
Messrs. Stockton, Gilchrist and
Browne meet in joint debate, make
dates all over the state, see to it that
the fur flies at every meeting, and
we warrant that the people will sit
UP and take notice. The press will
help out, of course, and before the
primaries we would have Stockton,
Gilchrist and Brown factions in every
county in Florida busy talking about
the merits OF their respective candi-
dates and the issues upon which they
were running.
We present this idea in all serious
ness, for unless something is done to
rescue the situation there will be a
very light vote for governor at the
primaries
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1908-03-14
New View of Carrie Nation.

1t has been whispered for some
time that the Woman's Christian Tenn
perance Union would start a crusade
against the saloon and all other vices
ii Miami in the near future, and now,
that the tent meetings have practical
ly been brought to a close, the Union
of Miami and its friends are to COM
mence, On Monday, vigorous cam
paign against the saloon. The w c.
T. U. Will be led by no other than
Mrs. Carrie A. Nation, who is known
probably more generally in the States
than any other living woman. Unas-
sisted, except by her little Ratchet,
Mrs. Nation has smashed saloons.
been put In Jail for it, and smashed
saloons again. Disinterested persons
have thought Mrs. Nation simply a
sufferer from certain form of de-
mentia Americans, but are daily
changing their opinions. In Miami,
there are people whose opinions have
changed Of Carrie Nation. A wild
eyed INSCRIPTIONS demon of WON
an? Is that Carrie A. Nation? No, a
thousand times, no. At the Minneap-
oils motel, where she is now the que.
of Mrs. e. a. Russell. little gray
haired woman, quick-eyed and alert.
was told that she was talking to a
Metropolis reporter. With a smile
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1908-03-14
Don't Go North Now.

We would like to impress upon our
winter visitors that March and April
are usually the most pleasant months
in the year in Florida. Spring is de-
lightfll anywhere, but more especially
here. The balmy days, the glorious
starlight nights, the forest trees, put
ting forth their new growth, the MOCK
ing birds with their sweet song, the
orange bloom and magnolia blossoms
are all enough to make the old young,
the sad glad, and the sick well We
hope, therefore, that our northern
friends will not hurry away at the first:
suspicion of warm weather, but stay
at least until the beginning OF May.
for they are all good fellows" who
need not be afraid OF outstaying their
welcome, and to whom We should he
sorry to say goodbye. st Peters
burg independent.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1908-03-14
Pleasant Gentleman to Meet.

Col. Jefferson d. Stephens, one of
the candidates for congress from this
(the third district, was in DeFuniak
Springs on Governors Day. We had
the pleasure of meeting him and re-
cesved copy of his platform. He
will abide by the decision of the dem
ocratic primary of May 10th. He was
very pleasant gentleman to meet.
|-DeFuniak Herald
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1908-03-14

Senator Bankhead, one of the new
senators from Alabama, will stump
that state this coming summer in the
interest of good roads. Here is a
pointer for our several senatorial as
pirants in Florida We need good
roads here much more than we do
some of the noble but not imperative
" necessary things they are advocat
ing.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1908-03-14

and a hearty handshake, Mrs. Nation
expressed herself as always being glad
to know newspaper men, and mapped
out her program for the coming cam
paign to start Monday night.-Miami
Metropolis.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1908-03-14
Must Hustle to Beat Kehoe.

Hon. J. Walter Kehoe, OF Pensacola
was here Thursday and Friday in the
interest Of his candidacy for congress.
Mr. Kehoe has a number of friends
in this section and the man that
wants to beat him will have to hustle
sOme.-DeFuniak Herald.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1908-03-14

the underlying tone of conservatism
which makes the true statesman ana
political benefartor. We can say with
out hesitation that this was one OF the
best addresses ever made in West
Florida by any chief executive.-De-
Funiak Breeze
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1908-03-14
NEWS AND VIEWS
BY STATE PRESS
A Patriotic Florida Editor.

We don't see any special need of a
warshtp being named Florida" If
there is anything that is more h1xuri-
Gus and less useful than cigarette
smoking in the last hundred years il
is our navy. We have never needed
warships except with our war with
Spain, and that war has now been
shown to be almost criminal and was
without excuse or justification. We
build great ships of war to rot in our
docks or take unnecessary and expen
sive cruises. The sums of money I'm.
necessarily spent on our navy, if ap-
piled to the building of good roads,
would have made travel in this coun-
try the marvel OF the ages Cut out
the navy. 1t is as useful and harmful
as the 'fbig stick in a government
like ours.-Ocala Banner.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1908-03-14
Comforting.

Ella-Tm to be married tomorrow
and I'm terribly nervous.
Stella-I suppose there always is a
chance of man getting away UP to
the last Enthusiastically Life.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1908-03-14
Quite so.

Quite SO.
Who puts the ashes on his walk
Where slippery snow has whirled
Will find them not upon his path
When in the other world.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1908-03-14
Kehoe Wouid Look We'll There.

Kehoe would look right well in the
halls Of congress, and it begins to
look as though the people were going
to send him >there.-Santa Rosa Star.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1908-05-23
They Want to Go Home.

There is an international law be-
TWEEN the United States and Canada
which permits of the deportation of
certain class of law-breakers from
one country to the other. There is
at present two English subjects in
the Canyon County Jail and they are
making an effort to enlist the good
offices of the English consul at Butte
to intercede for them, and have
them returned to their native coun-
try. AS the Canyon County officers
are willing that they should so II
the English government demands
them. Billie Parrish Is correspond
ing with the consul in hopes that
they can legally dispose of them
without serving their sentence. The
two gents are serving a sentence of
one year, for getting money under
false pretences. They are the boys
who passed the bills on the broken
southern bank and Judge Bryan gave
them one year each in the county
jail.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1908-05-23

evening. Those present were Misses
Verna Horn, Helen Roadway, Leila
Hay, Emma Corron, Pearl Glenn.
Margaret Short, Josephine Spaeth,
Ethel Ensign, and Harold Foote,
James Boone, Frank Sassar, Juy Rob-
ertson, Gordon Ollie, Will Cowden,
John Ruark, and Merton Kennedy.
Mrs. Boyes entertained on Friday
afternoon by giving a 500 party, the
rooms were Hastily decorated with
spring blossoms and a very pleasant
afternoon was enjoyed. The follow
ing ladies were present, Mesdames
Redway, T. X. Little, Squier. Low
ell, Maxey, Stone, Hagelin, Smell, An
drews, Ruby, Beck, Munroe, Chas.
Davis, Barnard, Ballantyne, Misses
Herman, Squier, Maggie and Bertha
Cupp. Miss Bertha Cupp was given
the favor for the afternoon, beau
tiful brass vase.
The regular social session of the
Forward Club was held in the Com
mercial Club rooms Tuesday. A
most delightful afternoon was en-
joyed by those present. The ceme-
terry committee deserve credit for
the excellent program furnished,
among the numbers given were two
vocal solos by Miss Sawin, accom-
panied by Mrs. F. ]. Smith, which
were both we'll rendered. A pleas
ing reading by Mrs. Zeh, an instru-
mental duet by Mesdames JUNIOR and
Olmstead, a vocal duet by Mrs. E.
Boone, and Mrs. Nellie Williams, and
vocal duet by Mesdames Olmstead
and JUNIOR. Mrs. Cowden read q
paper on cooperative Housekeep.
ing" which was followed by a lively
discussion. The afternoon closed
with a biography game which pro-
voked quite a good deal of mirth as
the biography of each one present
was read, as 1t had been written by
one of the ladies present, each. lad,
writing some other lady's history
then her own. About 40 ladies were
/ present.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1908-05-23
EMMETT NEWS

Emmett, Idaho, May 10, 1908.
L. A. Trobridge, who is financier-
ing the Canyon Canal Co., left EN-
NETT on Monday for Boise where he
expects to remain a short time, be-
fore leaving for his home in Chicago.
Market Day was observed in this
city for the first time on Monday of
this week. Mr.. Tyler, recent new
conner in this section, was the auc-
tioneer. A large crowd were present
The sales were good. All merchants
cut prices. It was a success in every
respect. Another will be held in
June.
Rev. Mr.. Hudson, a representative
of the Reform League for the Pacific
Coast spent the Sabbath in this city
In the interests of that movement
Union services we're held in the at
ternoon and evening. He was the
speaker, setting forth in terse man
ner some OF our nations perils.
B. B. Davis, a druggist of Emmett,
Is In attendance at Boise at the meet
ing of pharmacists held there during
the present week.
On Thursday evening this section
was visited by another good rain
which is proving very beneficial to
the farmers, Crops are looking good.
Mr.. Baker, an attorney of La
Grande, Oregon, visited his brother
for a few days last week.
Miss Blanch Warning after a shor,
illness of few weeks passed away
on last Thursday evening. The fu'
neral was held on Saturday afternoon
at the home Of her parents. Rev
Mr.. Jennings Of Nampa conducted
the services. A large number of hel
friends were present. She was In
the 7th grade and they marched in 9
body to the grave. She was very
bright student and win be great,
missed not only by her parents bu
by her many friends. Her age wal
10 years, cause of death. typhoid.
Mrs. Henry Riggs returned Oh
Friday from a short visit In the cap
ital city with friends and while Their,
transaacting business.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1908-12-26
THE coLoNNAs PART AMERICAN,
Oldest Family in Europe Has Thi.
Unique Distinction.

at Newport luncheon a diplomat
discussed blue blood.
'You Americans have the best of
everything" he said. 1T is but nat
ural that the bluest blood in all Europe
should be part American.
THE bluest blood in Europe. the
Oldest European family, is the great
Roman house of Colonna. Without a
break the Colonnas trace their descent
from one powerful prince to another
clear back to Julian the Apostate.
NO royal family of Europe equals
this. The Romans of Burgundy, the
descendants Of the old Burgundian
kings, alone approach it.
"And this Colonna family, a better
family than the kaiser's or King Ed
wards, is now part American; it half
belongs 10 America, for its head
Prince Maffeo, is the husband of that
beautiful American who was Miss
Mackey."
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1908-12-26
TAKES ROMANCE FROM TEARS,
Weapon of the Heroine Cooiiy Ana
lyzed by French Chemist.

One does not care to have ones
tears analysed like a patent food or
medicine. and to associate them with
chemical substances, but we are moth
ing II not practical nowadays, and
every shred of romance, poetry and
sentiment is remorselessly wrenched
from us for scientific purposes.
A French journal devoted to mat
tiers of this kind has been telling us,
not only of what tears are composed,
but exactly the effect that is produced
on brain and body when we shed
them.
So henceforth when we read that
the heroine's beautiful eyes were suf-
fused with tears" that lin a moment
she was weeping passionately on his
shoulder" we shall know that by a
kind Of shower-bath arrangement a
mixture of albuminoid, water and
chemical substances was let loose at
the back of her skull, thus dulling the
nerve centers, and really giving her re-
lief
However, it does not sound roman
tic, and mere man is likely to imagine
that the fair one is really suffering
doubly when all this happens.-Gentle-
woman.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1908-12-26
TELLS OF SIBERIAN HORRORS.
Sufferer Describes Agonies Endured In
Russian Penal Settlement.

IIorrid is the picture Of existence In
the pena! colonies of northern Siberia
given in book just published in Ger
many by l.. Tame, who returned to life
after Il burial of eight and half years
In the living grave Of Kolymsk. III
that time, he says, he saw one after
anOthc" of his fellows succumb to sui
eide, hunger and insanity. They were
all ycunG men and all were sent away
for terms ranging from five to ten
years for political offenses.
The trip to Kolymsk takes 16
months. II was 20 years DID," he says,
when | was convicted for harboring
liberal convictions. In our party were
16-year-old boy and another a year
younger. All told we were so politi-
calls" The writer describes the ag-
onies CT hunger which the deported
"poiiticals" had to endure. Mail was
received three times year.
Il shall never forget one mail day"
he says. I'm Is months a certain one
Of our number had not heard from
home. This mail brought him letter.
1t was last greeting written in an
uncertain hand by his mother on her
deathhcd. In desperation he did what
so many of our party had done before
him, and which others did after we
had laid him away"
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1908-12-26
The Clever Woman.

With all the discussion that is now
going on about what constitutes the
clever woman it is interesting to get
the opinion of a great English author
and editor.
clever woman, as a wife, is wom-
an who is skilled in the conduct of life,
in the control of the household, and
above all, in the management of her
husband, says William r.. Stead in the
DelineatOr. A woman who could Meth
or read nor write would be a bad wife
for any ordinary man in civilized
community, but such an illiterate wom-
an, if she were clever in all the arts
of domestic economy, in the rearing of
children and in being at once the in
SEPARATION and comfort of her husband.
would be clever enough for the clever.
est man in existence, and infinitely
preferable to the cleverest woman in
book learning that has ever been
turned out by university.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1908-12-26
Business Locals.

The San Francisco Call is on sale at
Sproules' bookstore.
For rent-Two furnished rooms near
the center of town. Inquire at this
Office.
All kinds of baled hay for sale at the
old reliable Elephant feed and livery
stable.
Save those natural teeth, thereby re
tain your facial expression. DR.. Gill;
land ''the dentist" Office over the Drug
Store. Elko
S. Jacobs has secured two tailors and
is prepared to do all work along that
line. Give me your orders for your
Christmas suits NOW.
Wanted-Informati regarding farm
or business for sale; not particular
about location; wish to hear from owner
only, who will sell direct to buyer; give
price, description, and state when DOS
session can be had, Address,. Darby
shire, Box 203O. Rochester, N. Y.
E. S. Van Leer, successor to N. P.
Guldager practical horse sheer with
years of experience, will conduct q
general blacksmithing business at the
old shop. Mr.. Rigsby will remain
and attend to the wood work. A fair
share of the public patronage is solic-
tied
You are ambitious and possess at least
an average amount of tact and perse-
verance. Therefore, we want you and
will pay you $75 u month for taking only
four orders day. You can earn big
income. We furnish all supplies free.
Write today to MANAGER, P. O. Box
1850, New York City.