The Cairo bulletin., 1908-01-12
BIDDY MEETS
A DIVORCE DETECTIVE
By Nellie 5reen

ironing,
1T wuz on'y Ro-ror interyiewin' ar
amatoor detective replied Biddy.
What was an amateur detective do
ing In our back yard"
That wuz jist tn pint thut puzzled
| Rover We see, twuz like this, mum,
the girl explained. Mister Baxter, tn
mon ! wuz worlsin fer afore | cum
here, Is afther gettin' a divorce frum
his wife He's maxim behave she mis-
conducted hersilf wunst whin he wu2
in " Yark, so stint defective over
here I infarm me ov ut. bein es he
wants me L swear { ut.
But she didn't misconduct herself
did she?' quer.ed Mrs. Younswlfe.
20 coorse not Biddy retortel, but
wadn't be tillin' tn detictive thot. II
I'D do more good t tell th jedge. So
jist lets on ez how wadn't be sayin'
nnything whativer fer fear o. bein'
liable fer domages."
How did you come to set the dog
on him? Tell me all about it, Mrs.
Youngwife begged.
"Whln | wuz dhryia me dinner
dishes last night" began the girl Il
hears a knock at tn dure an whin
open ut, in steps wan O these free an
aisy gints that owns all tn arth nd
most o III hiyins.
I'm frind O. Missus Baxter's,
says he, an | just drapped in to see
If YOU could give me inny infermashun
that would help wild her SCOT
An thin he arsks QUESTIONS about
how long | warked there and SIGH nd
| answers all right till he arsks whin
I seen Missus Baxter last. Thin /
begun t be 'fraid he'd git me in a
corner where | couldn't git out wild
out lettin' on | knowed who stint him.
so iist speaks UP suddint like nd
says I'm scarf t answer inny more
luistions fer fear o bein liable fer
omages.
You cant be liable fer domages,
I you heyen't inny propurty, says he.
Who's sayin | Amt got no prop
lrty? says l.
Well, even II you have. says he.
you can't be liable II you tell on'y tn
thruth.
lndade, can, says l. Tim Ma
ony touid only the truth about Pat
Finnegan, an Pat had him up fer
natther o two hundrid dollars.
THAT wuz because Maloney could
1t prove his assarshuns, says he.
An how wad | be proyin' whin !
cen Missus Baxter?' says /.
You won't have I prove ut, says
me- an | could see he wuz beglnnin
L git riled, but If you won't answer q
few simple questions I'll find way to
make you, says he
How en- We make me talk II I'll
aot be doin ut?' says l.
IN have We subpaned, says he.
"'Ye'll hev me what
You'll be subpaned!
Holy mither! What's thot?'
says l.
"A paper'll be sarved on ye. says
he, an ven be brought into coort, n
thin if you won't talk th iedge 'ull put
sou in prism
All, g'wan wild We, says l. 'Ye
can't git put in prism in this country
unless We steal er kill some wan.
Yes. you can. says he Ye can
be put in prism fer gittin drunk
Now, ye're. stufin me, sure, says
I. I've seen minny a mon git dhrunk |
an they didn't put i'm in prism at all,
at ALL
That's because he wasn't arristed
says he,
Faith. an it's quare law, says !. |
Soomtimes We en- do thing an thin
agin ye can't, so Id best be doin naw
thin at all, an thin won't be liable
fer domages
Thin he let go his timper intoirely,
IN used tn langwidge. mum, as
xadnt repate t. ye, an | loost tn
dog. We heared tn rist. On'y he'll
not be cummin' t Biddy Flynn fer
inny more infermashun about Missus
Baxter"
Il thought it was a dog fight. Isn't
it too bad. though, the Baxters have
all that troube?" said Mrs. Young
wife, thoughtfully. She's such nice
little woman. But it's what must be
when people make such ill
assorted marriages. That finelooking
Judge Howard who lives across the
street is going to marry woman who
has been divorced twice, and is not
even pretty"
IT'S tn way O. tn world. mum. es
me ould fayther used to say. Luv is
loike a buttherhy-ut lights on a
weed es oftin es on a daisy!"
But the judge is too old to be so
much in love"
He is" agreed Biddy. Happen ut
goes like tn masles though-th' oulder
ye gifts ut tn harder We has ut. How
yer, III say this fer ut-ef ye wanst
has tn jinuine disase good n hard,
ge're not like t git ut agin. 1t RESIN
Dles death thot way"
1T certainly resembles death in
hat there's no cure for it. sighed the
mistress.
Sure, an I'm thinkin' these days
here's wan cure fer ut. said Biddy
Marriage-if ye marry tn wan ye're
n luv wild"
You horrid thing. You mean that
ills it," said Mrs. Youngwife. laugh