The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1908-12-23
A LETTER FROM sED.
He Moves to Town but Moves back.
Dear Gents:-

l1t WusCo " as"h ~" ~
Glory be! I'm back. AS
you know I moved up to town dnrin' last
nnder the most strenuous circumstances that
ever trailed after q son OF ole Adam.
Madam Sed got me into 1t an nothln' put
luck and perseverance grit undlo tne oeVll-
ment done. The few months l spent In
town made my head look like q possum SKIN.
II reduced my crporosity to an alarmln' de.
gree. 1t turned my pocket BOOK wrong slQe
chsracfer than the moral atmosphere ofshady
grove can re-instil In ~ years! IL mas maue
me as trickey as q moon eyed gypsy NUE.
IL makes me shed tears OF OK gall and worm
wood and Samson snake root when 1 think
mat my erst while sojourn has transm OF.
riied what milk Of human kindness ) posest
into the onion favored claooer OF meanness.
Move to town? me? l did onct, but by the
Nubian that piayTe o j. a., ass, Gali0pe a. Nef0S
Gents, you nave often heard that wise
axiom; tina "man that marries a woman Is
In for q few days full. OF trouble" Never has
this been SO completely illustrated, 70
thoroughly demonstrated as in this scribe.
Madam Sed Is q very magnetic woman and
can WELD a quiet and subtle influence over
folks with whom she Is closely associated.
Mars In the middle Of Leo is her horrible
horror scope I merely mention This In
instice TO myself, an II you've ever studied
ANATOMY you viii know at once what I've
had to contend Win.
Madam Sed said we would move TO town.
We moved. We moved solid, dogs, ducks,
cats, chickens, COW IN calf. 1t wal ar III
starred day, sumthin was in eclipse, Madam
SEED had'ent finished, hangln' her piciers
before the nearest nabor came in with her
feathers ruffled like q rooster In q nght ana
informed her that our poultry was scratchin'
up her astoriums and veroenas or sometnln'
like that, at which Madam Sed raised heI
eyebrows into a Japanese bridge and said
mai she wonld attend TO 1t instanter. On
the other side the COW busted Though a
nabors garden and eat up four rows OF En-
glish peas as a starter: By gun! may maybe 9 STS
the Internal dogs sucked twenty four eggs
for another nabor worth TWO dollars q dozen!
Gents, things was warm from the very
Jump. 1t was like the irishman cussln' ina
for two hours, The children had TO play in
a place that was'ent big enough TO cuss a cat
In, and the unalterable consequence was
that they roved the town eYen ike Wld asses
,,olts rove the plains OF Kedar.
Madam Sed had TO have water WORKS. she
got em'.A The second night the old-oh-l-wanl
Io-say it-sc-bad-b ut-I-dassent cow turned the
water on gently with her cornute ~penaa
as big an Simmon branch Tor twelve weary
hours an the little clock, surnamed q meter,
turned round like q pin wheel In q tornado
10 the tune Of about i've thousand gallons OF
Madam Sed had TO Ia electric lights put
in She got 'em. And also the little clock
that goes with that luxury. II buzzed and
rosred and ripped by t91 ms an kept me wake
electric clock, surpamed meter was way
ahead Of the water clock. 1t was q line
piece of mechenism, 1t turned all the time
day and night, lights or no lights, II never
stopped. Men may come and men may 60,
but that clock for steady work can't be beat.
Oh how l longed for pine knots as I wistfully
watched the waltz like windings OF that
denomination. II my old eight day regulator
should run like that clock the sun would
rise an set every fifteen minutes an the
nights would be TOO short to take q cat nap!
sed's character became much vitiated by
tb is racy experiment Of :ourn. A lady OF
loquacity an unwonted garslousDess In our
neIghborhood who talked about other people
m%eanderin' up the street one day am as
Madam Sed saw her from the winder she
began to calculate some herself, sayin' she
hoped the "ole cat" was not comm here, the
terms, when into our gate the critter come.
straight as q martin TO his gourd. Madam
Sed's jaw dropped an she looked like a COW
that had lost her cud. But the Madam was
thousand dollar smile on her face and ole
Hypocrates the hypocrite never told as many
lies in his life as Madam Sed told there In
ten minutes! To have heard her talk you
WOulu uhN6 LuOukuG thhJ bhO hua pCCh
lookin' and longin' for this nabor for years
Madam sed had 10 have a telly phone put
In. She got It, And also all that came over
1t, Incidentally somethin' she overheard
about herself from two neighbors talkin', the
which she has'ent mentioned to me even TO
this day. I could see that town life was
changin' the Madam just as 1t was changln'
me. / caught her in The act OF sellin 2 cents
worth Of buttermild onct to q nabor. Think
of 1t gents, Q cents worth Of buttermilk! when
many q time she had given q country nabor
q gallon q day for weeks at q time: Sellin'
excuse was that other folks did the same In
town and that 1t cost 30 TO live in town.
recon 1t did cost. The end Of the months
came every two weeks and with the same
able, bills rendered. bills for water, bills for
coal, bills for wood, bills for lights, bills for
phone, bills for groceries, bills for COW feed.
bills for service, bills for plumbing, bills and
l thought my name must be Bill william.
I could see bills at mite as we'll as in day time
When I met q man with q smile on bis face l
h%abitually got to jumpin' side wise. When,
did not get wefl until the bills let up. Tam
o., shanter never had half as many witches
after him as I bad bills after me at the. end Of
every month that passed, and Tam never wat
as halt scared as was. worried over the In
fernsl bills.
Out here in Shady Grove madam Sed is
glad to have folks stop and break
bread and spend the mite etsetera but while
IN town 1t gave Der the buck ague to talk
dinner without phonin' two hour atore land
and even then there was a scrap afterwards.
No. Gents, you fellers may live out your
days in own II you want to but Shady Grove
ls good enough for me. -,
Civ me the lonesomness OF the kentry,
the sough Of the wind and the lifting brook,
the rustic OF the leaves on the corn, and the
~ fhn hnfplflo flfun mo thu frln nno
Of kentry life, iclose up to natures bosom,
where days>are pleasant and sleep is sweet.
Where the chickens cease from troubling and
The Majors are at rest.
Yourn.
Gulermo Sed.