davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1908-12-05

the passengers on the rattler when /
clumb aboard, but just crawled into the
weeds and pounded the nigh ear all night
like regular smudge travelin' f'r fun and
takin' care of his health.
But in the mornin', when the train was
just hittin' Jersey, and everybody was
out of the hay and the dinge was maxim
up the hunks. I fell to lookin-after I'd
taken nv swab and was sittin' in my
seat readin' the paper-1 fell to peekin' at
what the two men in the seat in front of
me was dom.
''One of 'em was sort o shriveled. un-
healthy lOokin' little man o HIty or so,
neat in his toSs, but with d sort of shawl
or muffler around his neck in place of
collar and tie. The other one was big.
clean. sort o cOmmon-lookin' smoke of
thirty so. not in the shriveled little
mans class at all. and it didn't take me
moren a minute to see that l had the
dope right
Where's my satchel, Perkins, says
the shriveled little man to the big dub.
in lust the tone that a man uses to a
underling, and the way the big 'un
reached down for the satchel showed me
that he was sort O. valet or messenger
o some kind for the little man.
Evening star., 1908-12-05

Oftentimes il happens that a member
takes occasion. while in the midst of his
admiring constituents. to relieve his sys-
tenn OF some extremely insurrectionary
conversation concerning the powers that
be in Congress. But when he gets down
here. where he can hear the sound ot
the whip and watch the wheels go round
and smell the scrumptious odor OF the
frying pork, lie usually comes back 10
earth and prepares TO eat out of the
ruling hand.
That's what has happened this year
The House leaders. those close TO Uncle
Joe. don't seem to think the revolt.
which at one time threatened all kinds
OF trouble will really amount 10 shucks.
They don't take any stock in il at all.
But in order to let things down gently.
probably, some few changes will be made
in the rules OF procedure of the House
of Representatives-not changes of vast
Importance, either. but adjustments that
will look pretty and enat may help mat
ters a trife.
The average member OF Congress isn't
sufficiently acquainted with the rules Of
the House to be qualified to make intel
lfsent suggestions for It's betterment- One
middle western representative has been
kicking about the Speakers arbitrary
method OF permitting such bills as he
favorS to come up for discussion and
Smothering all the rest. One of the stat
isticians of the lower branch of the ma
tional legislature figured the other day
that. If this course were followed, one
bill in particular. which this same mid
die western member is very much in
terested in having passed. will not come
up. on it's own merits and in its own
time until 1921. 1t IS not thought he
favors his own conception of the way
the rules of the House should be framed
to the extent of explaining six consecu-
tive times to his constituents that he eN-
poets to get action on the measure in
which they are interested at that men
toned date.
4 IRVING G. NORWOOD.
Evening star., 1908-12-05

to-wOuld declare. shaking his head and
his snow white side-whiskers determined
ly. Not much! No, sirs! I'm through
with al that sort of fool business. Can't
be bothered with the louts. Why don't
they stay at home, anyhow, If there's
a chance of their going broke in some
burned pagan land? No more of that
for me-
Then away he'd go over the side, still
muttering about the pesky shiftlessness
and no-accountnesS of beachcombers In
general. But nearly every time he'd
mosey back within a few hours with an
other passenger in his sampan-some dis
consolate poor devil whom he had found
trudging up and down the waterfront
trying to dope out some way OF making
the cruise back to the states.
And every time the good old doctor was
there with a whole bunch Of elaborate eX-
plantations to the laughing ships officers
about how that particular case was ex-
ceptional-man he'd picked up was sick
belonged to a good family back home-was
being imposed upon by the heather au-
thorities-had lost his job in the port
through no fault of his own-hadn't had a
fair shake-and so on and SO on and
though the ships officers went on laugh
ing. as often as not there were tears in
their laughter.
Everybody who rode on a steamer with
the merry old Arkansan became fond OF
Evening star., 1908-12-05
IN HIS VICTIMS NECK ACCOMPLISHED THE TRICK

where his head was and begin right
away to snore like a lumberjack; in less n
five seconds he was as sound asleep as Il
grounding under seven foot O snow.
1.-The shriveled man slept and snored
till the train was pullin' into the Tren-
ton station, and then the gl1ndin' of the
wheels as she slowed down awoke him.
He sat for'ard in his seat and peered
out of window and then he looked at
the big stiff alongside him. and said:
"'Again, eh. Perkins? Dang the luck.
I wonder if I'm ever goin' t git rid o
this fool sleepin business!
HE looked sore and grouchy over his
snooze, but when he saw one of the
Trenton passengers, a big. fine. bank
presidentish lookin' guy, headin' down the
aisle from the for'ard end OF the car, his
face lit up and he stood up in his seat
place and held out his mitt.
Hello. there joe, said he, and the
Trenton toff looked around and recog-
nized him and -mitted him somethin'
cordial; and they chinned.
I'm in a pretty bad way. Joe,' the
shriveled one said to the Trenton toff.
who sat down in the seat in front. I've
got some goshdinged. new-fangled thing
the matter with me. I'm liable to pop off
to sleep any minute. Any kind of pres
sure, even of little finger laid on the
Evening star., 1908-12-05
S@S

back of my neck. will jounce me off 10
sleep like any daggoned Rip Van Wrinkle.
Stops the blood from getting into my
head, or something. It's a fool affair.
I'm on my way to Europe with my man
here to see a specialist in Vienna that 8
been recommended to me about it
Business is all gone to the dickens with
me-cant stay awake long enough to read
my letters. blast it.
Music to me. it sure was. Finger pres
sure on the back of his neck hey? And
me sittin' right behind him. 1t made me
fingers tingle to think it over. The Tren-
ton toff uncoiled a bunch O talk and went
forard to his own car. [ sat there in
me seat meditatin' on what kind of
job / could frame up to get that tallow-
headed dub into some other car for a min
ute or two. Just as L was dom this
Inedtatin he turned to his boss and said:
I'm goin up ahead to the smokin
compartment f'r bit of smoke, and he
Numbered down the aisle to the smoking
compartment, and there was the shriveled
little man all alone in his seat. readin a
magazine with his specs on, and the three
or four other folks on the car. up ahead
of u.s. all sort O. dozin' like. Looked pret-
ty poor, now, didn't it?
81 stuck a little handgrip on the floor
in front O me so that in case OF tizZle
Evening star., 1908-12-05

withered, one-lung looking little shrimps
of the party were up on deck pitching
quo;s for the drinks and smoking bru-
tally black cigars.
Il think I was frisked out of one bet
that / know Of. Three seagulls picked
the steamer up on the second day out and
sailed lazily along in her wake, grabbing
the debris of the eats dumped through the
galley trough. A bit after sundown one
of the gang wanted to lay me even money
that there wouldn't be any seagulls chas-
ing the ship on the next morning at day
light / bet him $50 even that there'd be
at least one sea gull pursuing the ship at
that hour. I had three of 'em running
for me, you see. at sunset. and 1t looked
pretty sweet that one of them would
stick anyhow, and let me pull down my
bet 1 stopped playing hearts in the
smoking room at daylight the next morn
ing and went down to look after my sea
gulls Nixy gull. The man l made the
bet with was already there and he clip
ped me a wallop on the back and handed
me the hoot when he pointed out that
there wasn't a seagull in sight from one
rim of the sea to the other. / dug. But
I learned later on-after the cruise-that
that foxy snoozer I'd made the seagull
bet with had spent about two hours be-
fore daylight chucking hunks of coal at
the three seagulls that were then still fol-
lowing the steamer. and that's how lost.
"Got in pretty bad on the porpoise DOPE
Evening star., 1908-12-05


Just now, however. it begins u look as
If the skyscraper is going TO WIN out
After all of this cIatter and chatter ABOUT
the alleged 'hideouSness OF lne shS
scraper OF New York-most or Whlch talk
has its origin in the offices OF real estate
folks who are interested in having lhe
town spread in the directions Where tASir
investments and speculationS he-the oe-
tenders of the lofty style OF architecture
now are coming TO the front 1he cam
paiyn of defense for the skyscraper Is
on II is a wonder II did not begin long
ago. Perfectly impartial folk OF artlStic
training and susceptibilities have long
been of the opinion that the New YORK
skyscrapers really are the most distinc-
lively beautiful feature o. the New fork
architectural ensemble. 1t is difficult 10
imagine how anybody could view down
town New York with it's cloud-piercinS
buildings, from the North river. say. par
ficularly after dark when the towers and
windows are illuminated, without being
struck by the positively magical beauty
OF the picture That skyline makes the
towers of Camelot' a present-day real
ity Mark Twain, for one-and II will be
agreed that he is a falr-ninCSd judge
unhcsitatingly expresses the conviction
that tho New York skyscrapers surpass
anything in the world for the sense of
Evening star., 1908-12-05

was nearing forty. Until then he was
a practitioner Of medicine in small
Arkansas town Then rich coal mines
were discovered on some land that he
owned He sold out for large sum,
disposed Of his practice, bade goodbye
to Arkansas and never saw his native
state again.
He had a brother in San Francisco,
and to this brother he went. After a
months visit with this brother he board
ed the stanch old steamer Australia for
the ride down to Honolulu. That set
tied him. Thenceforth for the rema1nd-
er of his life he was dedicated to the
sea- He spent two straight years In
passing between San Francisco and Hon
olulu on the Australia. Then he began
to range the still wider seas.
He hankeBed for the typhoon belts. and
he found them all. He took to the japan
and China ships most of which coaled
at Honolulu, which he loved. Then he
went to the Australia steamers. Occa-
sionally, Ito feel like he was on land
again." as he expressed IT, he'd take a
little ride on one Of the Pacific ma1iers
down to Panama and back. But he never
remained on the land for more than a
week at a stretch, and then only 10
make steamer connections.
Dr. Banterman was an accomplished
and very amiable man, and he was a
pretty good thing for the Pacific liners
Evening star., 1908-12-05

too. T joined a gang up in the bow OF
the ship who were watching couple OF
porpoises that were swimming along with
us One of them offered to lay me , to L
that one of the porpoises would jump out
of the water three times to the other one s
one; and that looked pretty good, too; so
I was the come-onf for him. too
Bet him $50 to $50 that his dope was
wrong. Then the one that I'd bet on
STAYED right in the water all the time,
while the other son of a gun heaved out
Of the briny with himself about seven
times per minute. I'd played lame por-
poise or something, that's ala porpoise
that was all to the nix on the jump stun +;
a porpoise, SO to speak, that had no am
bsh The man l made the bet with had
been rubbering at that pair of porpoises
for half an hour, and, of course. he was
there with the past performance thing.
Oh, no. l suppose / wasn't a mark or any
tning for bets like that.
Mother bet that l lost was this: one
morning there was a paint swabber
working around the main deck who had
every Ole Oleson or Yon Yonson that
ever saw backed off the boards for being
a Swede or Scandihoolihan of some kind.
His mustache was the color OF lard,
his top hemp the same hue, and he had
ruddy skim the inbent. upturned nose, the
whole layout of marks of a Swede or
Norwegian if ever one of 'em landed IN
this country. 1 knew, too, that Swedish
Evening star., 1908-12-05
7SSk

those damaged fellows up. getting most
of them back to work on the furnaces
before the steamer pulled the Farallones,
near San Francisco.
Incidentally, DR.. Banterman was the
best thing for beachcombers and other
stranded ones, especially Americans, that
ever ranged the Orient Pacific or the
South Seas. He couldn't take two looks
at a busted white man wi hout going
down into his pocket and starting some-
thing toward getting him going again
Many's the down and out young Ameri-
can wanderer the old pink-cheeked doctor
man picked off the docks of Hongkong or
Shanghai or Yokohama or off the beach
at Samoa or in The Fijis and fitted up
with togs and fed, and for whom he paid
the cost of the long ride back to the
United States. This got to be joke
among the officers of the ships on which
the good old doctor rode.
When the steamer would pull Yoko-
hama, for instance, and the good old doc
tor would appear at the ganSway in his
white duck clothes and pith helmet and
his green lined umbrella to make his first
shore trip. There he goes ships Of
ficer would say to group of them, and
I'm laying to 1 that he'll be back on
board with a beachcomber within two
hours
I'm hanged if I will.'' DR.. Bantcrinan.
overhearng the remark-as he was meant
Evening star., 1908-12-05

ii could he seen restin' there maxim it
seem as if I'd been tryin' to pick it up
to get somethin' out o ii. Then l took
a long an careful look up front [ see
that the other passengers were all quiet
in their places and none of 'em blinkin
around Then l took little peek at the
muffler around the shriveled mans neck
and picked out spot that looked about
right for the finger to go down from
above.
81 knew I'd have t be sudden. l used
the thumb O. me right hand. Bent over
in me seat as if looking f'r me grip on
the floor and then pushed the thumb
sudden as scrapper stickin' lighted ci-
gar into another mans eye, below the
muff1er and pressed it. firm. but not too
hard, ag'in the spot on the back o his
neck that I'd picked out.
"All he did was t give a little Jump
for'ard in his seat. I kept the thumb
pressed ag'in his neck. fearin' that it
wasn't goin' t. work and that he'd be
howlin' f'r his man in another second.
But it worked.
'As soon as ha started forard in his
seat he sort O collapsed and bent up
me thumb still holdin there ag'in the
spot on his neck-and in no time at all
he was as sound asleep d soused cook
on schooner the mornin' after buttin'
Evening star., 1908-12-05

'All this wasn't much L look at, but
what happened right after the little man
took the satchel from his man and put
it in his lap was different. 1t made me
sit up and forget all about what 1 was
readin.
1.-The shriveled man, not even rubberin'
aroun to see If anybody was lookin',
unlocked the little satchel as 1t lay on
his lap and then reached into his pants
pocket. The bundle that he pulled out
was bigger'n bunch O. vflets stuck in
the waist o a soubrette. All yellow boys.
Two wide rubber bands around the wad
An packed tight. Them saffron tickets
always did my nanny. somehow. / could
never git over feelin' sort o jerky and
restless when I seen folks toyin with EN-
The shriveled little man tossed the big
wad into the little satchel and then he
reaches into his breast pocket and pulls
out a chamois bag and chucks that into
the satchel too. Then he snaps the
satchel shut and puts it on the seat be-
side him.
Just then the car gives a sudden jump
fora ard. and the shriveled little mans
head is sort O. joggled back. so that his
neck, swaddled in that shawly lookin
thing, strikes the top O. the seat. You
can figger it out fr y'rself what I'm
thinkin' when I seen him just lay there
Evening star., 1908-12-05

sailors are the deck hands on most OF
these CoastWiSe steamers. And so When
one of the deep ones of the racing nunch
slipped alongside of me and began 10
converse with me about the nationality
of that paint swabber 1 figured that at
last 1 was in a spot where | could WIN
Queer gag. isn't it, said he To me,
that Americans'H do that kind of work
for little or no money when there are
plenty of good jobs to be had on land!
".American nothing said chesty me
right off That fellows no American
He's a ScandIhoolihan right from the
midnight sun country. Surest little thing
thou knowest.'
"'Git out my man replled. just IKE
hathaway Anybody with one-elshth
of a lamp can see that he's an American
1 never saw him before, but it's anything
YOU want to bet that he's an American.
".Whatchoo laying?' / asked HIM, con-
fident like.
"'Evens,' said he.
".You're on for fifty that he's not an
American said I. L won't say whether
he's a Swede or Dane or Norwegian
but he's one of the three.
.' ON for YOU said my man; and then
he strolled over to where the deck mana
with the tallowy hair and mustache was
swabbing the rail.
Hey there, mate he said to the
paint swabber, how long have you been
running on this line O. frigates"
Evening star., 1908-12-05
a.
IRVING c. NORWOOD.

INTO port.
Il didn't do any waitin'. TIL train was
Just bout t pull into Newark. and l got
mp. quiet like, walked around the edge of
the seat i'm front, bent over the little
man and picked up the little satchel,
which was restin on the seat near the
window. Then l gathered up me own
traps an sauntered into the car In the
rear.
1.-TWO minutes later the car was at a
standstill at the Market street station in
Newark. and l was in a hotel bus OF me
way to a dump that | knew. Got me
name on the book and went up to a room
and counted the hauldown in the little
satchel.
There was $4,000 in the roll, and the
chamois bag was cluttered with rocks,
studs, stickpins. cuff buttons and such
like.
81 took a roller f'r New York about
noon, and when / gifts there the. wuXtry
papers that 1 bought t read on the Ia
train had yarn about how a rich Pitts
burg steel guy on his way to Europe with
a male trained nurse had been frisked
on sleeping car of all his ready cash
and glims by some trailer that probably
had followed him fromB Burg, the wuxtr!S
said. And ! s'pose that wasn't soft or
nothin', hey?'
Evening star., 1908-12-05
&C

preaching the age of reason OF which
Tom Paine wrote more than century
ago are cropping out over here all the
time.
For instance, that elSpement case here
the other day with the fine and dandy
ending.
The nineteen-year-o son of a wealthy
contractor, a widower. picked out girl
up in Yonkers who looked pretty good to
him for a wife. OF course boy of nine
teen, theoretically speaking, has no right
to be engaging in that kind of picking
but they've been SO engaging themselves
right along since the days of the Phoe-
nician sailors. and will be until the ar
rival of the epoch of pink SHOWS in Au-
gust, so what's the use OF setting up
theories on such an issue?
The son of the wealthy contractor told
his dad about that girl UP in Yonkers
who looked SO fine to him, and the dad,
who lived with his son in a big house all
alone except for the servants. and liked
to have the youngSter around-why, the
dad told the young fellow to go roll his
hoop, or words to that essence: to cut
out all that moonshine about marriage.
get some fun out of life before settling
down, and so forth.
But the boy, he said he wanted that
girl up in Yonkers for his spouse. right
off Quick-like, suddenish; and that he
wanted her the worst way, al that. which
meant, of course. that he sure was just
hankering for that Yonkers girl
But the dad, unable to see it, told him
again to go out and play I-spy or some
thing and forget all that rot.
Whereupon the young fellow, seeing
that there wasn't going to be any kind
of use trying to kid the old man along on
the matrimonial topic, just hiked up to
Yonkers, tucked that pretty and sweet
girl Of seventeen under his arm, hoped
into buzz buggy. carried her to the
rectory OF the Catholic Cathedral and
had Mgr. Lavelle perform the marriage
ceremony good and hard and fast. Mgr
Lavelle knew the young folks all right.
Also he knew the dad. Similarly, he knew
all the circumstances. But no mellowed,
Evening star., 1908-12-05

room / ducked And q dream in white
approached. with beautiful hair and eyes
that seemed to say
Well, never you mind what they seemed
to say. They said it to me, not to you.
So l said:
''Is the soup good today?" And even if
it had been SO bad that it would corrode
an iron pipe I would have had soup, be-
cause SHE said it was good and said it
in such voice
She fingered near while souped Then
she said "a steak?' And if Salome had
asked for the head of John the Baptist
in the same voice that SHE said "A
steak?" why. then there would have
been no parley, no discussion and no
opera on the subject. She'd "a got it
quick. And I steaked.
But it was not steak that thrilled muh.
Oh. no. 1t was those eyes. those eyes.
For the light of ten million loves burned
in them, and on her chin there lived the
dearest, sweetest, most wonderful little
dimple-oh, hold me back-oh, hold me
back,
And as she brushed away the crumbs.
believe me- | touched her little finger.
And if I'd had to stand I'm armor all day,
fighting with two-edged. long sword
'gainst the feudal armies of all the years
of chvalry for so doing by heck I'd still
have touched that little finger And she
sort smiled, and said ''Ahem." You
all know how it's done.
And she said:
'Dessert?" But she said it in way. oh.
such way. I knew what she meant, so
I said: "Oh. yes
And I deserted. And I coffeed. And l
tried to find out what her real name was.
but after Id paid the check and given
her a tip all the money 1 was saving
for church next Sunday she grew cold.
She grew indifferent. She told me to
chase myself she'd get the proprietor,
who was her husband. / had seen the
proprietor. He IS a large, unclean thing
in shirt sleeves. So beat it, and thought
to my sorrow that all the charms of
beauty have been wasted on a gol drafted
hash Singer, who probably chases the
Evening star., 1908-12-05

power that they denote. He is earnestly
and elouuentIy in favor of the skyscraper.
and Mr.. Clemens is not only Travelled
man but n man of renowned taste.
Many distinguished foreigners who have
visited New York within the past year
ridicule the idea that there should be a
limit 10 the height of New York buildings
They go into raptures over New Yorks
downtown skyline and say out of hand
that the enormously tall buildinSs-noWa-
days surmounted by superbly designed
towers-constitute the chief beauty of the
western world. \ noted British novelist
here now went 10 take a survey of the
new Metropolitan tower. fronting Madi-
son Square, the other day. He fatty de-
clared that building to be quite as beau
tiful and far more impressive even than
the celebrated Tai Mahal and le added
that the far-famed Campanile of Venice,
now being restored is a mere huddle COM
pared TO it. Knowing what he does about
the buildings in the United States that
are famed for their beauty and impress
siveneSs the writer hereof is willing to
go on record with the humble assertion
that if there is a building in this country
TO surpass it in all-around beauty and
impressiveness, barring, of course, the
Capitol mt Washington. then that sur
passing building ought to look pretty wei!
on a picture postal card. The Metropoli-
tan tower nobiy set off by its position on
the east side of the outrageous Madison
Square, is n shaft-llke. superDly chlSeled
structure of pure white marble that rises
to a height of more than seven hundred
feet from the ground. The Singer build
ing-the tower of which, by the way. now
is illuminated at night so that it can be
seen on clear nights for a distance of fifty
miles-does not begin to compare with this
latest achievement IN skyscraperS which
not only expresses power, the might OF
modern Americanism and all that sort OF
thing, but is chastely and caSSically Su-
perb as a simple work of architecture.
The defenders of the skyscraper are be-
ginning to get together and to appear be-
fore the commission which is holding