Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1908-12-09

~ w
How did he lose his money!" His
father-in-law failed."-Illustrated BItA
Have you. got an Independent fors
tune?" mo, I'm married.
Leader.
Mrs. Knicker-Where do you keep
your auto? Mrs. Newrlch-In mirage,
Of course.-New York Sun.
Jimmie-My mas gone downtown to
pay some bills. Tommie-Pooh! The
man comes to the house to collect ours.
He-She is such charmingly limo
cent girl, isn't she? She-Oh, yes; she
has taken years to acquire 1.-THE
Taller.
Knicker-You know that speech is
given to man to conceal his thoughts.
Broker-Well, penmanship does 1t even
better.-New York Sun.
She Cat the piano)-I presume you
are true lover of music, are you not?
Ile-Yes, am; but pray don't stop
playing on my account.
John, you yawned twice while we
were calling on that lady" "well,
dear, you did not expect me to keep my
mouth closed all the time, did you"
Magistrate-If remember rightly,
this is hot your first appearance in
court. Prisoner-No, your honor; but
l hope you don't Judge by appearances"
1--WE just figured out how the Venus :
de Milo came to lose her arms:"
How" "She broke them off trying to
button her shirt waist up the back
Puck.
Weary Walker-I see 500 more men
has been t'rown out of work. Tired
Traveler-Gee! Dere's gettfn' to be
too much competition In our business!
Puck.
THE seventeen mothers in the vii
lage mothers club agreed to decide by
ballot which had the handsomest baby"
well. who won it?" Each kid got
one vote"
Are marriages made in heavenT
"As to that can't say, but do know
this much" what is that, Peleg?"
'There'e lois Of counting done in
church. Herald.
This watch will last you for life
time" remarked the jeweler. Non
sensew retorted the customer. Cant
see for myself now that its hours are
numbered Y'-London Spare Moments.
Man Ito boy at roadside) What
fine is it? Boy-purty near II o'clock.
Man-Thought 1t was more than IL.
Boy-Nope. Never gets more than IL
in this country. Begins at again
Judge.
Observation-Disclosures, what do you
think of this mans injuries? Doctor
(of Irish extraction 1.-Two Of them are
undoubtedly fatal; but as for the rest
Of them, time alone can tell.-Boston
Transcript.
you have new housemaid, see.
Mrs. Youngwife." Eyes. got her about
week ago." "How do you like herr
Very much indeed. She lets me do
almost as 1 like about the house,
London Tit-Bits.
What diagnosis did the doctor make
Of your wife's illness?p "Said she Is
suffering from oyerwork." "Is that
so?' yes; he looked at her tongue
and reached that decision immediate
ly."-Detroit Free Press.
Mr.. Newwed-You never call me pet
names now unless you want something.
Before marriage it was different. Mrs.
Newwed-Oh, no. Before marriage
called you pet names because l wanted
you-London Gentlewoman.
Jimmie, your face is dirty again this
morning" exclaimed the teacher.
what would you say II came to
school every day with dirty face?"
"Huh," grunted Jimmie, I'D be too
perlite to say anything ?"-Circle.
Mother Gin very low voice) TONE
my, your grandfather is very Ill. Can't
you say something nice to cheer him up
a bit? Tommy Tin an earnest yoice)-
Grandfather, wouldn't you like to have
soldiers at your neral?''-London Tit
Bits.
I'm sure" said the areveler, "the
public would be interested to know the
secret of your success" "Well, young
man." replied the captain ofindustry,
"the secret of my success has been my
ability to keep 1t secret. Catholic
| Standard and Times.
"Tm afraid I'm catching cold" said
kloseman, trying to get some medical
advice free. Every once in a while
4 feel IN itching in my nose, and then
sneeze. What would you do in casa
like that, doctor?" WELL" replied DR..
Sharpe, II guess I'd sneeze, too"
The mother of conscientious little
miss, wishing to rid her of the fear Of
| some COWS in field through which
she had to pass, told her to go right
by and pretend she didn't see them.
But, mamma" protested the small
maid, "wouldn't that be deceiving the
/ cows2"
How did those two ever come to
marry each other?" well, she was
the only woman he ever knew who
would listen to his anecdotes over five
minutes at time, and he was the
only man she ever knew that could look
at her that long without getting neu-
ralgia."-Puck.
A Psychologist came upon hard
working Irishman toiling, bareheaded,
in the street Don't you KNOW" said
the psychologist, that to work in the
sun without hat is bad for your
brainsY. "D'ye think" asked the Irish
man, "that Old be on this job If OF
mad emmy brains?"
World. Output of Metals.
|