Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1908-06-12
To Protect Bachelors From Y


A proposal that law be enacted
compelling all manageable widows
(and nearly all widows are old en-
ough to be married. TO wear some
distinctive garb or badge comes from
an English socioiogist He believes
that the unmarked widow is a me-
mace to all bachelors, and in conse-
uuence, to all free institutions and
human liberty. So long as she is in
deep mourning, he says, she is in
nOcuous. because every bachelor, no
matter how ingenious he may be, is
then able to discern her from afar
and to make his escape with due dill
igence and in due season. But once
she energies into the alluring grays
and heliOtropeS she becomes alarm
ingly dangerous. The bachelor, not
ing the wedding ring upon her finger
and observing her gray attire, mis-
takes her for a firtatious married
woman, and so proceeds to flirt with
her recklessly, falsely secure in a
vain belief that nothing worse can
befall him than a row with her hus-
band. AS a result his conversation
becomes daringly sentimental, and 8
times out of 10 he ends at the hymen-
cal altar clad in uncomfortable we'd
ding gauds and with remorse gnaw-
ing at his heart.
The English sociolOgist aforesaid
proposes that bachelors be protected
from such hazards by a law requiring
all widows however Sedate to be
stamped, in some legibIe and indeli-
bic manner, with an adequate danger
signal. He says
nh1ioro J.
to proclaim themselves by Sitting
their ears, or pulling out all of their
teeth or painting themselves green
or blue. l do not advocate such ex-
IRENE measures as these, but widows,
| think, might be obliged to wear a
small black patch over the left eye
brow, or a hat of some distinctive
shape. Better still, every widow
might be compelled to wear on the
little finger of her right hand a silver
band, This would be readily disting-
Unstable from other rings, and its
color would prettily symbolic the
Wearer's bereft condition"
Unfortunately, we cannot quite
agree with our English friend We
are well aware, of course, that his
picture of the hazards and dangers to
which bachelors are exposed is not
OVerdraWn, and we could name 10000
bachelors here in Baltimore who have
made the mistake he mentions and
paid the penalty he deplOres But we
cannO t bring ourselves to believe
that legislation is needed
Our reason for this attitude lies in
the fact that we hold the bachelors
to be the keystone and apex of all
terrestrial fauna. He is, at once,
the most beautiful, the most magni-
ticent and the most efficient of all
animated beings. In every quality
which makes an animal survive in
the struggle for existence he is
supreme. He is alert, dignified and
affable. He is gentle to his interiors,
and he has no superiOrs, His eye is
that of an eagle, and he has a sound
digestion
No, it is evident that all these ad-
mirable qualities are effects of the
vigorous and strenuous life he leads.
In order to elude ambushed grass
widows and anthropophagous old
maids he must be able to see around
corners, and so his eyesight becomes
maryelOusly acute In order to main
tain a decent appearance, he must re-
pair his own garments, and so he be-
comes deft and handy In order to
keep his married friends envy of him
| from driving them to suicide he must
sOOthe and comfort them, and so he
become amiable and polite In order
to survive the ingenious and inces-
| SAINT assaults of multitudes of ambit-
| iOus mOthers-in-laW and other match
makers he must be able to fight, yell
and run, and so he becomes graceful
and electric, and attains a high de-
gree of beauty. In a word the very
qualities which set him above the
typical married man are the fruit of
the constant dangers to which he is
exposed.
The true bachelor doesn't want the
| law to protect him. He can take care
of himself. The higher man." said a
| distinguished philosopher, ''yearns for
| the life that is hard. | do not advise
you to make peace, but conquer!"
| The same thought is apparent in Mr..
ROOseYelt's celebrated treatise on
Strenuous Life" Il wish to preach, "
he says, not the doctrine of ignoble
ease, but the doctrine of the strenuous
life, the life of toll and effort, of la
Dor and strife; to preach the highest
form of success which comes, not to
the man who desires mere easy peace
but to the man who does not shrink
from hardships, or from bitter toll
and who, out of these, wins the splen-
did ultimate triumph
This is the doctrine Of all true
bachelors. When they set up a hal
loo it is not for a policeman, but for
more enemies