davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02
A Railroad Mama Knock.

THAT famous railroad man, the late
Samuel Sloan" said a New York bank
er, loved fast trains and hated slow
ones. They tell a story about a trick
he once played on a railroad whose
service vas VIGOROUSLY slow.
Having, several times, to use this
railroads afternoon accommodation,
he caused a sign to be painted, which
he took from his pocket and hung in
the front of one of the cars when no.
body was looking. The sign said:
Passengers are requested not to pluck
flowers while the train is in mo-
ton"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02
NO WONDER HE WAS SCARED.
Costume Suggested Would Have Made
Youth Look Like Circus Freak.

Not long ago a large clothing house
In New York received a letter from
the remote southwest to this effect:
What is the proper dress for a
groom in the afternoon"
The clerk who opened the mail re-
ferred the inquiry to the livery depart
ment, and the head of that department
dictated a brief reply:
Bottle green coat, f~awn-colored
trousers, with top boots, silk hat and
cockade. We can make you prices"
In about a week came a plaintive
note:
Il always knew it was expensive to
get married, but can't you suggest
something a little less elaborate?"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02

they often do. Miss Arnold, whom he
met Unexpectedly descending the stair
case, made such an effort to appear
perfectly natural, that a quite I'M
natural hauteur distinguished the car
riage of the head, startling into equal
ly unnatural coldness the greeting OF
Mr.. Dukes. The latter said to him
self: "She takes this manner of
showing her disapproval Of such cost
ly attentions. Well, Clayton, old man,
there's only one thing for you to do;
accept your congo without making a
further. fool Of yourself"
Harrie was not quite SO precipitate,
but after a dance which in no wise
thawed their dignity into friendliness,
she, poor child, was ready to melt
into tears Of modification, to hide
which, she retreated into the ~conserva
tory. Even her unhappiness was not
allowed its way, for her Cousin Harry
came upon her, br~eathlessly, and only
desisted from bearing her back to the
ballroom, upon being convinced of her
fatigue.
Harry Arnold was not a young mar
to lose such an opportunity as this;
If he could not dance with her, he
could propose to her, and where
would he have another such a chance?
1t was all done before either of them
quite knew how, and somehow, after
this, his little fancee seemed to have
no occasion for the fearful scene for
which she had prepared herself.
1t was a year afterward that Mrs.
Henry Arnold, as she chose to write
herself nowadays, came hastily into
her friend Gertrude Clearinghouse
room, one morning, to carry her away
Is the flower show. She found her
laughing over something which she
had just received from her maid,
Tilly Bowles. To Mrs. Arnold's intense
dismay, the object of her amusement
was none other than the valentine
dispatched with many hopes a year
before by her own hand.
where did you get it," she gasped.
why, Tilly just brought 1t in was
the reply. "She says that Peters lit.
tie girl, Rosy Dukes, you know. to
whom / have sent food SO often. be.
cause of her name, gave it to her yes.
terday. She told such a funny story.
Peter has married again, and mar.
ried a foolish kind of a good girl,
whom he eve thought of until he
got this valentine which he supposed
she sent. Now, she says, she never
sent 1t, and as they don't know any
other Dukes Tilly asked her to let
her bring 1t home to me, and here in
the corner We found C. Dukes go I'm
going to accuse Clayton (we're moi
married yet, You know Of having 4
sweetheart somewhere of whom he
has never told mel"
Pretty Mrs. Arnold smiled a little
blushed a good deal, but as she was q
happy little bride, and Gertrude soou
to be one, she simply said:
How very mysteriouslH
And st. Valentine laughed IN his
sleeve as he counted up three wed.
dings from n Valentines mysterious
career.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02
Effect Of Serving on Grand Jury.

There is n sure way to get a
man interested in the proceedings Of
the criminal courts" said the gray
headed man, "and that is to put him
on a grand jury. Just let a man once
serve the public in that capacity and
thenceforward he becomes an indie
fatigable student of the criminal rec
ords. The result Of his experience is,
in a way, inevitable. Naturally any
nan with a spark Of curiosity about
him is anxious to know the outcome
Of the trials of the persons he has
found indictments against. In fol-
lowing these cases through the vari-
Gus courts he acquires an interest
in judicial proceedings that really
never dies."-N. Y. Sun.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02

Sheer white goods, in fact, any fine
wash goods when new, owe much Of
their attractiveness to the way they
are Numbered, this being done in a
manner to enhance their textile beau
ty. Home laundering would be equal
ly satisfactory If proper attention was
given to starching, the first essential
being good Starch, which has sufficient
strength to %stiffen, without %thickening
the goods. Try Defiance Starch and
you will be pleasantly surprised at the
improved appearance of your work.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02

was impaired and the kidney secre-
tons were badly d~isordered. l was
completely worn out and discouraged
when l began using Doan's Kidney
Pills, but they went right to the cause
Of the trouble and did their work well.
l have been feeling well ever since"
Sold by all dealers. so cents a box.
Foster -Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02

Laundry work at home would be
much more satisfactory if the right
Starch were used. In order to get the
desired stiffness, it is usually neces-
sary to use so much starch that the
beauty and ineness of the fabric Is
hidden behind a paste of varying
thickness, which not only destroys the
appearance, but also affects the wear
ing quality Of the goods. This trou-
BILE a be entirely overcome by using
Defiance Starch, as it can be applied
much more thinly because of it's great
or strength than other makes.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02

Starch, like everything else, is be-
ing constantly improved, the patent
Starches put on the market rs years
ago are very different and inferior to
those of the present day. In the lat
est Observation-Disclosures Starch-all in
furious chemicals are omitted, while
the addition of another ingredient, in
vented by us, gives to the Starch a
strength and smoothness never ap-
preached by other brands.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02

BY following the directions, which
are plainly printed on each package of
Defiance Starch, Mems Collars and
Cuffs can be made just as stiff as de-
sired, with either gloss or domestic
finish. Try it, is OF. for 1Oc, sold by
all good grocers.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02
How,s Thisa

We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward for any
case OF Catarrh that cannot be cured by Halls
Cstarrh Cure.
F.J. CHENEY & CO., Toledo, o.
We, the undersigned, have known II. J. Cheney
for the last is years, and believe him perfectly hon.
orabie in all business transactions and financially
able to carry out any obligations made by his drm.
WALDING, KINNAN & MARVIN,
wholesale Druggists, Toledo, o.
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken Internally, acting
directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces Of the
system. Testimonials sent free. Price rs cents per
bottle. Sold by oil Druggists.
Take Halls Family pills for constipation.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02
The Most SUSPICIOUS Ever.

Henry Clews, the banker and au-
thor, was talking at the Union club in
New York about a certain fnancier.
mo wonder the man is so success
full" said Mr.. Clews. He is the most
careful, the most suspicious fellow 1
ever heard of. In fact, he reminds me
of a Staffordshire farmer my father
used to tell of.
ut was said of this farmer that,
whenever he bought a herd of sheep,
he examined each sheep closely to
make sure that it had no cotton in it."
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02
Chained His Mind.

well, what are you doing there?"
asked the lady, addressing a tramp
who had just climbed a tree in time
to escape a savage bulldog.
MADAM" replied the hobo, ut was
my intention to ask for a hand-out, but
in the interest of humanity l now re-
quest that you give any surplus food
you may have on hand to my canine
friend down there"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02
Bears the
Growth of Lutheran Church.

The Lutheran church has had a re.
markable growth in membership in
the last So years. In 1870 there were
$1,000 communicates. In 1905, 1861
900 members were recorded. This
body is now third numerically among
the Protestant bodies.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02
Sleeping Strength.

Difident Lover Crying to feel his
ground-nervously)-Do you know,
Ter actually dreamt that l proposed
to you last night. Mower what can
that mean?
Practical Girl (promptly)-Mean!
Well, 1t means that you are a lot more
sensible asleep than you are awake,
Freddy.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02

With a smooth iron and Defiance
Starch, you can launder your shirt
waist Just as we'll at home as the
steam laundry can; it will have the
proper stiffness and finish, there will
be less wear and tear of the goods,
and it will be a positive pleasure to
use a Starch that does not stick to the
iron.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02
Friendly Advice.

"Say, old man." began Marley,
shat ten-spot I loaned you--"
II haven't forgotten, old man." in
terrupted Boroughs. Don't worry; 1
still have it in mind"
Eyes, but don't you think it's about
time you relieved your mind?"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02

Self-instruction is the n great OBJ
ject of rational education. In mind as
we'll as body we are children first, only
that we may afterwards become men.
Arnold.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02

hve n in a hos
pital l was dis
charged as i~ncurable,
and given only six
months to live. My
heart was affected, l
had &
spells, and some
times fell uncon-
scious. l got so l
couldn't use my
arms, my eyesight
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02
Fooled.

81 guess I can't collect that money
Mr.. Jones owes me-"
why don't you mail him a state
ment?"
Il was going to, but a sign on the
letter box says Post No Bills"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02
THE DIPLOMAT.
GoYerness--Who was the

Governess-Who was the wisest
man?
Tommy-Solomon.
Governess-And who was the wisest
woman?
Tommy-Well-er-it's either you
or ma, / can't make up my mind
which.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02
VIVA, Better Proof |. rhere1

Jackson-Heaven bless him. He
showed confidence in me when the
clouds were dark and threatening.
Wilson-In what way?
jacksonville lent me an umbrellai
Stories.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02

Kind deeds often come back to the
givers in fairer shapes than they 60.
The harvest is far greater than the
scotland 1t W fails to grow.-L.
M. Alcott.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02

After a woman has made a strenu-
GUS but successful effort to marry Q
certain man she is apt to discover that
he Is very uncertain.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02

Lewis Single Binder straight Sc. cigar is
good quality all the time; Your dealer or
Lewis Factory, Peoria, iii.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02

No matter what his rank or position
may be, the lover of books is richest
and happiest of the children Of men,
Langford.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02

Let a man take pride in his
achievements of virtue. Let him take
satisfaction in his moral conquests.
Let him have faith that he can do.
and no height is inaccessible to him.
Marter.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02
Money for Foreion Missions.

The average American church mem.
Der gives 81 cents to foreign missions.
The record is held by the United Pres
byterians, who give SLIT a member.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02
Stop That Couuh

before it becomes chronic. Get
Browns Bronchial Troches, the best
preparation known for coughs.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02
The Explanation.

II wonder why the snakes a man
sees when he's been drinking multiply
SO fast?"
II suppose because the kind of
snakes he sees are adders."
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02
To Farmers Everywhere
Why Work Yourselves to Death Trying
to Make a Living.
Go to Southwest Texas Where the Land is Fertile and Grows Enor-
mousfy Profitable Crops With Little Labor.
Read This Carefully


Enid, Oklahoma, April Is, 1907.
DR.. G. F. Simmons, San Antonio, Texas:
My Dear Sir was down N your Atastoa County a%n d! ranch me- ,,e and spent spent
body oil land 1 was ever or. In the four days spent Oh it al sure l did
not see forty acres that could not be cultivated.
The soil is dark and chocolate sandy loam4 and some black, wax with q
little sand, but III blow sand. l took soil from different pastures and
found the land all underdd with a good clay foundation;
In my opinion, this land, with proper cultivation, will produce every
thing that can be grown from Maine to California. l nevers saw a more fer
tile body of land anywhere.
Such land as this, if located in Oklahoma, would sell for $50 an acre.
The entire tract is within the aresan belt The water from these
wells that saw and drank, vas good for all purposes.
l carried n of your New Home Sweet Home" books with me and
compared the views shown b. you n it with what saw, and found every
thing Just as represented. l have read your description of this property,
and you have not overdrawn it in any way. No me car realize what a
splendid opportunity this is o get q good home for a very little money in
the finest climate and on the richest land in the world, until he sees it.
/ will be very glad to answer any IN who wants to know what L know
about your land. With best wishes, L remain, --uun-a
Yours very truly, j. s.. LIGHTFOOT.
Dr.. c. F. Simmons has divided his ranch and is selling from 10 to $40 acre
nd 2 town lots for $4,000 payable 500 a month without interest. Writ
for booklet and set of views of the ranch and name of nearest agent.
DR.. G. =. SIMMONS,
III AIanno plaza. San Antonio. Texas
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02
FIVE MONTHS IN HOSPITAL.
Discharged Because Doctors Could Not
Cure.

Levi P. Brockway, s. Second Ave,
Anoka, MINI, SAYS: After lying for
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02

Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup.
For children %teething, softens the gums, reduces In.
nammetion, allays pain, cures wind collie. Csc q bottle.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02

Griggs-The idea of your letting
your wife go round saying she made a
man of you. You don't hear my wife
saying that.
Briggs-No, but I heard her telling
my wife that she did her best.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02

PILES CURED IN 9 TO IA DAYS.
PAZO OINTMENT Is guaranteed to cure any case
of Itching, Blind, Bleeding. or Protruding Files IN
6to IA days or money refunded. bc.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02

Life is to be fortified with many
friendships. To love and to be loved
is the greatest happiness of existence.
Sydney Smith.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02

In polite society a snub is a sort Of
upper cut.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02

Lewis Single Binder cigar-richest, most
satisfying smoke on the market. Your
dealer or Lewis Factory, Peoria. Ill.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02

When women borrow trouble they
usually pay back double.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02

Examine carefully every bottle of
CASTORIA a safe and sure remedy for
infants and children, and see that it
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02

A lot of so-called golden silence is
only plated.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02

There is no need to hunt for trouble;
everything comes to those who wait.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02

The man who attends strictly to his
own business has a good steady job.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02

ONLY UNE "BROMO QUININE"
That is LAXATIVE BROMO QUININE. Look for
the signature of Il. w. GROVE. Used the World
over to Cure q Cold in One Day. 25e.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02

Orfis Boy-A lady with some poetry.
Editor-How old?
Boy-Bout Is.
Editor7What!!! Show her in at
once, boy.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02
The Last Wishes,

Wears Wife-No, the vicar is not
in just now. Is there any message
you would like ne . give him when
he returns?
Old Woman (cheerfully)-Please
mum, Martha Higgins would like to be
buried at two o'clock tomorrow after
noon.-London Punch.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02

A word is a winged seed-none can
tell when once it has gone forth what
its harvest may be.-Sydney.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1908-01-02
NOR QUITE THE SAME THING.

"simpleton seems to have a fortune
in his mine"
Emo! The fortunes only in his
mind"
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1908-10-14
COL. W. F. TUCKER ARRESTED.
Army Officer Charged With Deserving
His Wife.

Decatur, ILL.,, Oct. l4.-Col. William
F, Tucker of the United States army
was arrested here on Wabash train at
1905 a. m. yesterday, charged with de.
serting his wife, daughter Of the late
Gen, joan A. Logan.
Col Tucker, who was i'll and could not
be taken OIL the train, agreed to return
without requisition papers He went on
TO st. Louis to be taken back to Chicago
later in the day. Col Tucker was ac-
companied by woman A woman nurse,
who was taking care Of him, and two
men servants completed the party.
St Louis, Oct. l4-Col. William f.
Tucker was found at the Southern hotel
here yesterday, but ne refused to be
interviewed, and his attendants allowed
no visitors to see him.
Il am here with my sister and my
valet" was the only word which the
officer would send down in response to
messages asking for a statement regard
ing his alleged arrest yesterday morn.
ing at Decatur, Ill., 1t was stated that
Col. Tucker is too i'll to leave his bed.
Col Tucker registered at the Southern
hotel as Col Tucker, sister, and valet.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1908-10-14
BRYAN'S CASE
DOUBTFUL
He Can be Elected Only by a
Landslide
THIS is THE SITUATION
As Seen from Washington--A Survey OF
Several Doubtful Seetions-The Real
Campaign in New York Has
But Just Opened.
THIS IS THE SITUATION

President Roosevelt in Washington
for a week or more has been holding
conferences with political leaders from
all parts Of the country. and as a re.
suit Of these has concluded that nothing
but a landslide can elect Bryan, and
so far as can be observed, there are nc
definite indications of any such disturb.
once. Most of the so.caled doubtful
states are turning towards Taft
4 special correspondent In Nebraska
finds that Colonel Bryan still is tho
peerless leader" as far as his neigh.
bors are concerned, for many of them
journey daily to fairview, and always
receive a cordial ewleome.
Both the leading candidates are again
busy on the stump, and each is speak.
ing in his home state.
The real campaign in New York has
opened now that Governor Hughes has
returned. He spoke at Elmia Monday
evening, and declares the campaign is
no question Of men, but asks his oppo.
nent what he viii do about the race
track question il he be elected
Meanwhile Lieutenant Governor
sharply criticises his Republican antag
onist for his remarks in relation to the
vote Of the Crooks"
Rhode Island Republicans viii hold
the state convention in Providence to
day and probably will nominate Pothisr
and Dennis as candidates respectively
for governor and lieutenant governor.
The Boston transcripts special cor
respondent, Lincoln" is investigating
the general political field, and his first
special comes from New York state.
where he finds that Governor Hughes
election is somewhat in doubt owing to
the opposition Of the sporting" element
and somewhat unfriendly feeling
among the fnsnciers: il seems clear,
however, that the electoral ticket in
the state will be successful.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1908-10-14
NEW YORK REGISTRATION DROPS.
In Spite of Increase of Population, 1t
Is 6,7s9 Below That of 1904.

New York, Oct. 14.--With ali the ef-
forts of the political leaders Of tae
various parties exerted to bring out a
large registration on yesterday, the
fourth and last day Of registration in
New York city, the apathy or whatever
il was that caused the falling off in
registration figures on the first three
days continued up to the closing Of the
lists. When the final figures. with but
nine election districts missing. became
available it was seen that despite the
admittedly large growth in the popula-
tion since 1904, the total registration
for the greater city was not only not
Up TO the mark Of the last presidential
year but 6,7s9 below il. The totals
for the four days in the thirty five as.
sembly districts in Manhattan and the
BronX-three election districts missing
were 370,674, compared with 390,G9l
for 1904 In Brooklyn the figures for
the fourth day were 51,o7l which
brought the grand total to 249,66s. an
increase OF 2.725 over the four DAYS
aggregate for 1904. The totals for
Richmond for the four dayh were Is,
$40. which is gain of ZIG over the
figures of four years ago, while in
Queens the aggregate. with five districts
still to be heard from is 1878, a gain
over 1904 OF 1919 The gain in the
outlying districth was not equalled in
Manhattan and the Bronx, however.