The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1908-10-01

Bilkins Dreams Dreams-The Major
VIII Conduct Some Wonderful Ex.
periments In the Near Future
VIII Attempt to Cross the Airship
ON the Automobile and Produce a
Flyer That VIII Go High Up.

ID.
Correspondence of the Caucasian
Enterprise.
Bilkinsville, n. c., Sept. 80, 1903.
had a dream the other mite. Like
most dreams hit wuZ too guide ter be
true. Ov course they air awlso
dreams that air too bad ter be true.
! dreampt that William J. Bryan had
refused the dymakrat nomernashun
fer Preserdent on a legal technical
ity. That wurd "tecknicality'' liz a
purity big one an / reckon hit heZ
at least thirty-five or forty different
meanins. But, be az hit may, l
dreamed that Billy Bryan had fig
gered hit out that hit wuz uneonsti-
tutional fer him ter run fer the Pres
erdent's job more than twice hand
goin' an that he wuz begin the
National Cummittee ter turn him off
an hire somebody else.
I believe that wuz the most won
derful dream that any livin' man
hez ever had. An l hadn't ct any
thing unusual fer supper, neither.
Ter dream a dream like that a feller
orter eat bushel ov cabbage, a peck
ov cold beans, half a middlin' of
meat an two bushels ov fried onions
fer supper. But | hadn't been guilty
ov any sich onbecumin' conduct, an
wuz cool sober when l went ter
bed. People who make a specially ov
dreams an other diseases will please
take up my case an see if hit liz
durable fer I must confess that I am
either developin' into a high grade
dreamer or else 1 am failin' lame il
my head. ANY infermashun az ter
what ails me will be thankfully re-
ceived an l will do az much fer
whoever helps me through this
trouble.
l hev bin readin' erbout the tricks
sum ov them air doin' with airships
an AUTOMOBILES. They kin make over
| forty miles an hour with either ma
sheen. l am goin' ter try ter cross
an airship an automobile an break
awl reckords. To scientists an other
! poor people this may sound like gas
sim. But think I know what I am
| talkin' erbout. The main trouble
with flyin' masheens liz that they
won't stay up in the air long ennuff
ter do much in the way of flynn, ex-
cept in the columns ov the daily
| papers. Rite on the other hand
AUTOMOBILES air awl rite, but they
won't stay on the ground when they
git het up an a-runnin' er-bOut rite
| Hit iZ plain ter me that the thing
| ter do in a case oV that sort liz tel
cross 'em an perduce masheen that
will be purity close ter perfecshun
If the automobile jumps too high an
won't hit the ground except in high
places, an the airship goes up in the
air an cavorts erround an then falls
kerf1op ter the groun, anybody, ex
cept an extreme partisan, orter he,
sence ennuff ter know that they or
ter be, an must be, crossed before
they will be worth much ter the trav
erlin' publick. After the new brandy
season closes l will conduckt sun
experiments with air-ships an au
tomobills at my Bilkinsville farm
that will open the eyes ov farmer
an Farmers Union lecturers awl
over the country, as fully expeck
that the breedin' an raisin' ov auto
airships will be one Ov our creates
industries in the very near future
If things develop rite on my Bilkins
vile farm I may establish experimen
n
points ov the State after plans ov tn
State Agricultural Department, an
conduct auto-institutes fer the ben
eft ov the farmers an the laborin
masses generally. Incidentally tn
pollytishuns will be encouraged a
the same time.
None ov us yet begin ter realiz
the advantages ov the auto-airshi
when hit if perfeckted, tanned ar
: put ter practical use. Hit hez bi
, claimed that the mule iz the mos
q useful animal in the wurld, an
J., believe most ov hit, fer when m
mule Bob Gums up ter me with hi
pleasant countenance beamin'
e know that thar stands not only
e useful animal, but a friend. l hi
ride him, drive him, plow him. II
liz never sick, never cumplains
u hiz grub liz not guide, will eat an!
e thing frum Irish pertaters ter sass;
b fras sprouts; kin go barefooted viii
q tier an summer. If you hire a ma
ter wurk he wants ter argue erbol
ls1O worth erbout the wages he
ter git before he will sot in. The
81 he won't begin wurk til sert1
l. hour in the mornin' an quit at a
1t hour in the evenin' that makes yc
g feel that another day hez bin throw
erway. Not so with Bob. He wi
y go ter wurk befo' daylight eve
le mornin' if you say the word, an
lie will wurk till plum dark without ca
in in time, an then you kin ride III
a 'possum huntin' that mite jist I
guide measure. Bob jist dotes
u 'possum huntin', anyway, an tn
n leads me ter believe that he liz
,e of African descent. I wouldn't Ia
$4,000 fer that mule; in fackt,
a man wuz ter insist on buy1n' b
IL I'd consider that I had plenty
rs grounds fer a big suit fer damages
in I see by the papers that M. Aldo
is I'll. Minister of Justice, at Copenf
IL gen, Denmark, hez resigned nlz i
n He IL accused of stealin' ten milli