davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-03-20

Tue tendency OF tho German comic
papcra TO employ continuously the
aue characters o. producers OF
snirtii" Is the subject Of an article in a
RertIp paper by Ludwig Bauer. The
writer mentions as the most conspicu-
Gus Of the funny figures the absent.
minded professor whose hubitual UNI
breila tossing prOclivities have made
generations laugh. This figure had It's
man OF letters a n helpless person
In The active world-a dreamer dwell.
kng in realms away from the actual
and therefore blind to his surround
ings. In this form nc has been rep
srsestcd in the comic papers. But
Germany, he thinks, no the professor,
has been and is being carlcaturcd. The
professor today must be "a wide awake
snan, for science is no longer an Is
land. These are not the days for sleep
and for dreams. Another abused char
setter Is the lieutenant who. having no
zoe 60 fight, is always shown as max.
RnE conqucsts where Amor has com
rnand. The old maid Is another Of the
stock figures, and one of equal .mpor-
sancc IL Mr.. Ncwlyrich. or the latter
IL Is said Gle Is always full of fear
and suspicion. He knows that he has
srca misplaced. and he sways from
side 10 side like y tlmid rope walker.
This makes him really funny. and we
must laugh at his antics"
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-03-20
Good as a Corkec-cw.

"Do you know how to take a tight
cork out of u bottle without a cork.
screw" was asked by a woman the
other day at Il gossip party. ITS Il
mighty good thing to know in an
emergency.
MY sister and | were coming back
from the mountains. ana she got faint
on the cars. | had n bottle Of aro.
matte spirits of ammonia I'm my bag,
but when ! tried TO get the cork out |
simply couldn't make il bulge.
let me take 1t out for You sug-
Sestcd Il man across the aisle.
Then. borrowing my pocketknifc
and using his own with It. he removed
the cork In a jifry. He inserted the
blades on opposite sides between the
bottle and the cork. each one turned
In a different direction. Then when
the blades were firmly pushed in he
simply pressed the two together. gave
them a wrench sideways. and the cork
came out without any trouble. | have
since tried it on larger bottles with
success. II Is q trick worth knowing"
Exchange.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-03-20
Loading Freight by Cards.

81 don't know whether the practice
Is still kept up in the far south, but |
remember how ticklcd | was ut seeing
the method used In loading goods into
freight cars down in Mississippi some
while ago" said a railroad man of st.
Louis.
"A lot of strapping black fellows will
be on the job under the supervision of
q white man, who will be issuing or
ders with great volubility. Put this
aboard the king Of diamonds; take this
to the ace OF hearts; load this on the
ten of spades: this to the jack of clubs
and so on, and then yOu'll notice each
n of the long line of freight cars has
tackled on ii some one of the ffty-two
cards composing Il full deck. The Sen.
egambian loafcrs for the most part
were ignorant Of letters ana figures.
but every nan Of them knew the paste
board emblems which he had often
handled in games of seven up. That
next to craps is the chief diversion of
tho colorcd sports of Dixic."-Balti.
more American.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-03-20
Mid Haxtno.

The proprietor Of a plumbing estab-
lishment downtown has a poor opinfou
Of goat limitations. A young mas,
dapper and twenty. came into his
plumbing shop and asked to see IN ex.
pensive porcelain bathtub. The pro.
prietor explained at length the good
qualities Of a certain make.
This seems to be an excellent one
said the young man.
without warning he jumped into the
bathtub. drew his coat closely around
him and exclaimed: quick. turn Oh
the water. I want to try It,"
The proprietor thought he was in.
san and. soothing his head. said.
There, there. you're all right"
YES" the young man gurglcd
splashing In the imaginary water; its
very comfortable"
Then he began to squlrm and splut.
ter.
"Quick. quick he cried. Turn Oft
the water, I'm d~ruwning.''
wait til I reach the faucet said
the proprietor softly. side stepping to
the telephone.
Just ut this moment two other young
g Il trine older. entered.
"Wcll. Bobby. had your bath?" they
inquired.
YES"
Then come down to the vegetarian
restaurant and order u side of roast
becf."-New York Globe.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-03-20
When Life Was Little Valued.

The 223 capital offeuscs which the
old English law recognized as punish
able by death did not keep down crime.
and with the abolition of the death
penalty for all crimes but murder
crime in England. az well as every
where else all over the world where
the death penalty has been modified.
lcssencd markedly. notes the Boston
Traveller.
Edmond Burke said that he could in
lis time obtain the assent Of the
house of IN to any bill that car
ricd the death punishment.
A mans life was not very valuable
IN those strenuous days. If he scratch
cd his name III Westminster bridge.
IL he wore n wig or false muStachc or
any other disguise on n public road. II
he cut down n young tree. If he stole
property worth more than $1.25. If he
had been transported for crime and re-
turned a day ahead of the expiration
of his term Of punishment. il he wrote
a threatening letter, If he stole n hide
from a tanners, for any and all of
these things and for 200 more than
these he vas hanged by the neck until
he was dead.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-03-20
Toward the Pole.

Ice eight feet thick on the ocean and
snow falling even in sunmcr-such is
h weather experienced In the polar
regions. When the air is dry and still
Is Is remarkable how low a tempcra.
sure can he borne with ease. One cX-
plorer ieils us that with the thermome-
Ser at . degrees ii was too warm for
skating. The summer weather In this
region is. moreover. in some respects
pheasant and hcalthfui. Within the
arctic zone there are wonderfully col
0Tcd sunrises and sunsets to be seen.
They are both brilliant and impressive.
But the nights-thc nights are monOt-
Onous and repelling. A rigid world
buried ia everlasting snow, silent save
For the cracking of tho lee or the wall
OF the wind. Travellers In these re
G,iOns experience many discomforts.
The keen air causes their skin to burn
and blister, while their lips swell and
crack. Thirst, again. has been much
complained of, arising from the action
0f the low temperature OF the warn
BODY.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-03-20
Only Might Air at Night.

Speaking of Florence Nightingale
and her efforts TO keep the world
healthy. it seems pertinent to make
special mention of her mission in be
half Of the open window at night. In
ehc carly years of her labors much IN
intelligent opposition to this method
of ventilation because OF the supposed
harmfulness of the night air was cx-
pressed. but Miss Nightingale had one
stock argument in support of her posi-
sion, it being the question. what air
shall we breathe at night but night
airY' 1t vas unanswcruble from her
opponents point Of view. even If 1t did
noi always convert them, but it did
bead a countless number into saner
@ays q. living and along the way to
Ebc present methods OF treating tuber-
Suiosis, Boston Transcript.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-03-20
Too Slow to Be a Soldier.

In 4 room on the top floor of q large
factory a boy was amusing himself by
gv'ne through the bayOnct exercise
with a long handled brush In lien OF a
rifle. His boss, coming quickly upon
him, gave him a box on the ear for
wasting his time. The sudden blow
caused the lad TO lose his balance and
Caii down the hoist shaft. but fortu-
alatcsy he kept his hold on the brush,
che handle W which, getting across the
shaft, broke his fall and enabled him
so grasp the chain. down which he slid
IN safety. The b0sS was lOrritied ut
enc effect Of his action and rushed
S,rratiiess aud gasping with fear down
she eight flights of stairs to the base
mcnt, expecting to find n manglcd
body for which he would have to ac-
Coubt He was, however, just In time
10 see the lad drop on his feet un-
harmed, so, recovering his self pos
session and his breath, he exclaimed:
Want to be IA soldier, eh? Well,
you're tso slow for that. Why, man, l
can walk down all those stairs quick
or than you can fall down the hoist
shaft London Answers.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-03-20
Cruel Snrinn.

The talk In the village hosiery had
been on the subject of vegetable
freaks, but at length it veered round
to goats.
did eve you keep n goat, Bill?"
inquired n gray whiskered gentleman
in Il orner seat.
did i ever answered the little
Il addressed with rustic familiarity.
81 bought one last Christmas what
nearly brought me to the work'us.
Eat anything. from tins o blackin' to
flatirons. that goat would. Lucky
thing for me the spring killed It,"
81 didn't know the seasons affected
goats observed the gray whiskered
gentleman.
who's talkin' about s~easons?" came
the reply. 1T was the spring of our
alarm clock what e made a meal of
one day as done itr'-London Express.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-03-20
Still Ahead.

a congressman says he was riding
in Il smoking car on Il little one track
road and in the seat in front Of him
sat II jewelry drummer. lie was one
of those wide awake. never-let-any-
Observation-Disclosures style of men.
Presently the train stopped to take on
water, and the conductor neglected TO
send back a Hagman. 4 limited cx-
press, running at Il rate Of ten miles
an hour, came along and bumped the
rear end of the first train. The drum
NOR was lifted from his seat and pitch
ed head first against the seat ahead.
His silk hat was jammed clear down
over his ears. He picked himself up
and settled back in his seat. No bones
had been broken. Then he pulled Off
his hat, drew a long breath and,
Strengthening up, said: "IIully gee!
Well. they didn't get by us anyway
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-03-20
Gave ( Uo.

A friend Of the writer recently made
application for Il public appointment g.
n small Scottish town. and. think!ur
that his chances OF success would ne
greater by o little judicious canvU
ing. he resolved to call upon u few OBJ.
the towE councillors. In Whose bar IT,
the appointment lay. or the civic Il
nitaries' position In piivae life %
knew nothing. ~Journcying to thr to, ,
In question. he hired a cab al the raj.
way station and requested ,lc i'a.
to take him to Councillor Bissrts. Gus.
treasurer. The councillor wa luaI,
In his blacksmith's shop shoeiuE e
horse.
"Ill see somebody of more impOr
lance than this. anyhow" said the can
dldate to himself, and. turning to the
driver, he said, Drive me to Councillor
Maitland's office"
The cabman thcreupon drove him to
the local i%oincr's shop. This was
worse even than the smithy, and IN
despair he CALCULATED:
"Drivc me to Councillor Gray's."
81 ain Councillor Gray. sir" replied
the cahman.
The answer staggered the candidate.
He quietly paid his fare and diSap-
pcarcd, resolved to leave his fate In
their hands without prejudicinC them
In any way in his favor. 49, London
Standard.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-03-20
Garantized Oils.

Oil Is the work of d Rio Janeiro firm:
ours olives oils have guaranteed OF
Mus quality. Diligently fabricated add
%hitrated, the consumer will find with
them, the good taste and perfect pres
%9rvation. For to escape to any confer
felt, is necessary to requierc on any
bottles this contremarc dcposed con-
FORMALLY TO the law. The corirs AMI
dhe boxes hare all marked with the
Arp."-Case and Comment
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-03-20

That 1t IL not always well to put
on ones dowdiest garments when one
goes to visit the poor IL the mora,
Of a story told In an English M"
zinc recently. There ere :
lie nthropists, accoruiuG tu the "
a professional aud tn .f. q.
teur. The profes 'nuu hui
to take the amatr.. Co d .J
slum dvellers I'm g s' end g..
don. At the apo i. boar & ,,
teur. who happens 80 Dy u 1u.
a great beauty. Appeared az the IL, =
Of her friend, II DAZZLING api,lriiion g.!
court dress. tiara uud jos els Oh.
my dear" gnsped The pro.e, iplal.
falling hclplcssly INTO the nearest
chair. don't you knew nat We are
going to one of the lowest ANA most
squalid slums? | cant plO.1ise that
you will bring any of that back with
you" But the beauty only laughed
That's all right" she said. II quite
understand YOU But poor people love
beautiful things. Their children cHpr.
cially are captivatcd with fine dresses
and feathers. Just wait and you will
scc!' And the professional did see.
Those poor. half starved. half naked
stun dwcllerS had eyes for no onc hat
the dazzling young beauty who had
done them the infinite honor of coming
to see them in her most beautiful
frock and jewels.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-03-20
Got His Wish.

At the height of their nightly quar-
rel the other day Mrs. Blank choked
back a sob and said re~proachfully:
II was reading one OF your old let
ters today, James. and you said in 1t
that you would rather live in endless
torment with me than in bliss by your
self"
"Well. got my WISH" Blank
groWled.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-03-20
No Mercy,

Mistress-Sarah Jane. what has hap
pened? Sarah Jane-Oh, mum. I've
fallen down the stairs and broken my
neck! Mistress (irmly)-Well. what
eyer you've broken will be deducted
from your wages.-Sydney IN. s. W.
Bulletin.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-03-20
The Dolphin Violin.

The Dolphin violin was so named on
account of the beauty of the wood, the
back Of the instrument resembling the
color Of n dolphin. 1t was made by
S%tradivarius in l7l4, and 1t is consider
cd the most beautiful violin In the
world. II is owned by an E%nglishman
and Is valued Mt $1,000, Musical Home
Journal.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-03-20
Generally the Case.

~ wish you would mention this to
links. 1t is highly important"
"Ill mention it to him today"
But how do you know you will see
him today"
I'm bound to bump into him. l { W
him money."-St Paul Pioneer Press.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-03-20

bladder specialist, and is wonderfully
successful i'll promptly curing lame back,
uric acid, catarrh of the bladder and
Bright's Disease, which is the worst
form of kidney trouble.
DR.. Kilmer's SwampsROot is not rec
commended for everything but if you have
kidney, liver or bladder trouble ii will be
found just the remedy you need. II has
been tested i'll so many ways, III hospital
work and III private practice, and has
proved SO successful i'll every case that a
special arrangement has been made by
which, all readers of this paper, who have
not already tried il, may have a sample
bottle sent free by mail, also a book tell
ing more about SwanIp-Root, and how to
fndoutit you have kidney or bladder trol-
bic. When writing mention reading this
generous offer i'll this paper and send your
address tn Or. kiliner sc"
& Co., Binghamton, M5h6 &c::343.ss
N. y. The regular E&Est a tssa .Es::sss$;8St3T
6fty-ceni and one 3S4
dollar size bottles are Homo Of Swami Root.
sold by all good druggists. Don't make
any mistake, but remember the name,
SwamI~Root, DR.. Kiliner's Swainp-Root,
and The address, Bingliainton, ". ", on
every bottle.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-03-20
The housekeeping Instinct.

A bright little girl who had success
FULLY spelled the word that" was ask
ed 10y her teacher what would remain
after the "t' had been taken away.
'"rhr cups and saucers." was the
Ernmpt reply.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-03-20

cures maze Dy Dr.
Kilmer's Swamp
Root, the great kid
ney, liver and blad-
der remedy.
1t is the great med
ical triumph of the
nineteenth century;
discovered after years
of scientific research
by DR.. Kilmer, the
eminent kidney and
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-03-20
He Could Not Will.

"Can you lend me a fver, old fell
lOw?'
"Surely I can"
But will you?"
"Ah, my will power has utterly de-
serted me these daysw-Town Topics.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-03-20
SER Composed.

She-He is a person Of perfect ease
and possession and is thoroughly ut
home any where. e-Y Yes, he even has
ahe faculty OF making you feel a total
stranger 10 your own house. london
Tl-Bits.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-03-20
Do YOU GET UP
WITH A LANE RAcKp

Kidney Trouble Makes You Miserable.
Almost everybody who reads the news
papers is sure TO know of the wonderful
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-03-20

address tn Or. kilrner
& Co., Binghamton,
N. y. The regular
6fty-cent and one
dnllnr siun lnttlnc
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-12-20
WOMEN ARE SEARCHING, NOT
FOR EFFECTS, BUT CAUSES

LOS ANGELES, Dec. 16-[Editor
Herald: T. K. G.. has at last torn
down the paper walls he erected around
himself when he entered the arena to
discuss the woman question. Like a
certain naneless gentleman, he is not
as black as he has been painted. in
Guiding the several coats he has given
himself. I congratulate him. 1 make
my courtesy most humbly.
The original question is still before
the house. 1t may be battered a bit,
but 1t is still open to debate, including
the amendments, for it is a question
that cannot be threshed threadbare,
even by as versatile a writer as T.
K. G.
the human race has usually found
way to change them. 1t will
again. Woman is looking under the
surface more today than ever before
in the history of the world. She may
be wandering in a labyrinth, seeking
the thread to find her way out, and
may be following many false leads,
but one of these days her brain will
grasp the basic truth, her feet find the
pathway that leads to freedom Tor
herself and emancipation for the race.
Even the wife and mother in her
sheltered home is beginning TO look
beneath the surface for the cause and
effect of evils that curse the race. She
is at first frightened and Mortified to
learn that for profit, helpless women.
and even children, are fed into the
greedy nav of perdition. When she
has learned to look deep enough her
fright will harden into wrath and
finally into action.
The writer refers every mother of
girls to the able article by Edwin W.
Sims, United States district attorney.
in the September Woman's World on
"The White Slave Trade Of Today"
They will learn from that the need
of being intelligently candid with
their girls on the sex question If they
are to save them to useful lives, in
stead of having them, through ig-
norance, fall victims to the syndicate
of vice, having for it's avowed purpose
the wholesale ruin of pure girls to fur
nish victims for their traffic.
MARION MARTIN.
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-12-20
CITY FARMER is SUGGESTED
TO RELIEVE WORTHY POOR

LOS ANGELES, Dec. 7.-tEditor
Herald: 1 crave little space in
the columns Of your very int1uen-
tial and widely read paper to offer
suggestion that may he of some prac-
teal economic value to our city, which,
If adopted and carried to a successful
conclusion, would assist in rendering
unnecessary your now very laudable
undertaking to give to the poor chill
dren of this city a Christmas dinner
Having in mind a rement au-
thoritative statement that there are
in the United States at the present
time 100000 900 human beings in al
most destitute circumstances, and re-
alizlng the increased demand at this
particular season of every recurring
year upon the pocketbooks of our
charitably inclined citizens of Eos An
geles to provide work for the unem-
ployed and food clothing and fuel for
those unable to work, it seems to me
that we should as municipality
commence to plan at once to care for
our future troubles in the most eco
nomical and practical way possible.
Many foreign countries have grappled
more successfully with this subject
than have we. Switzerland, for in
stance, has a Tabor insurance insti-
tuition" which has nearly completely
solved the problem.
OuflnS the IdSI lew years our CITY
government has created many new Of
fees, some more or less useful and
necessary, and now I propose to our
honorable mayor and city council that
they create the office Of "city farmer"
whose dutv 1t shall be to raise potatoes,
etc. "a la Pingree), on the city's va
cant lands, If 1t owns any such, and
IL not to procure the privilege of using
private land which can be had free of
rent for such philanthropic use.
Every business man and person
of means should favor the "city
farmer idea, for the selfish reason-if
there seems to be no other-that it will
lesson his private giving, yet do more,
and at the same time save him
money. SAM J. CHAPEL,
113 Court Street.
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-12-20
PRESIDENT AND PRESS

II RESIDENT ROOSEVELT has made
William Randolph Hearst so green
Il with envy that 1t is feared the
Independence Lacquer never will regain
his natural color. Since the president
attacked Joseph Pulitzer the circula-
ton of the World has reached proper
lions unprecedented in newspaper his
tory. Edition after edition has been
sold out. Everybody wants to know
whether the World gave space" to Mr..
Roosevelt's remarks, or edited or sup
pressed them; and wants to read the
editorial back talk which is now enliv-
ening the pages of the great Hungarian
American daily. Congress is also re-
senting the presidents attack, and there
is talk of an assault all along the line
in both houses of. congress.
1t is many a long day since American
national politics was in such mixup,
because it is not an old political party
quarrel which is disturbing the govern
mental serenity, but the controversy OF
two new parties composed of Roosevelt
men and anti-Roosevelt men. Like all
forceful leaders, from the time Of his
favorite Cromwell down to date, Presi-
dent Roosevelt has succeeded in fac
tionizing the craftsmanship of the ma
ton on issues proposed by him and not
evolved in the ordinary course Of
events. A dispatch published in
Republican newspaper says: MEM
bers of both houses. both friendly and
a..I, nan
WINGED that from now on the White
House will force the fighting. and that
any action by congress which may
seem to cross the path of the president
will precipitate trouble. Many of these
men are without fear as to the per-
sonal consequences should congress be-
come involved in an open row with the
president, but they hesitate to be par
ties to any spectacle, whether of their
own or somebody else's making
But since the White House will force
the fighting, spectacular effects may be
looked for in spite of the reluctance of
congressman. It is evident the last few
months of President Roosevelt's admin
istration will be the most memorable
of it's history. The public. already sat-
isfied as to the fearlessness, honor, hon.
esty and courage of Theodore Roose-
Welt, will look forward with natural and
excusable reluctance and uneasiness to
the rapidly approaching day when his
strenuous policies will pass by inner
itance to his stalwart and brave but
soft hearted and good natured and easy
going successor.
Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-12-20
DISCUSSION IS INVALUABLE,
BUT MUST NOT BE PERSONAL

DOWNEY, Dec. 17.-TEditor Herald1:
am a subscriber and reader of The
Herald, and at the .~ge of "a take quite
an interest in it's editorials, as we'll as
in the Letter Box. Light, more light +"
Is the watchword, and 1t must come by
discussing questions that concern us all.
The liberality offered to its readers
has not as a rule been given by the
organs Of the secular or religious press;
they have been allowed to hear one
side only of the question, and that is
exactly the way to keep the people in
ignorance. This privilege you give
your readers ought to make The Her
aid popular with the people.
1 never read the Letter Box without
wanting to 'butt in" but having been
brought up in a rural district, where
at that time "book farming" was very
scarce, don't like my ignorance held
up for the public eye.
Any way, l content myself by believ-
ing that, as Josh Billings said, ut is
better to know but little, than know so
much that amt So" know a good
many big sounding words, but don't
know the meaning of them, and won't
try to use them unless l find where
they belong.
These public discussions should not
be personal, and everything of the kind
should be cut out. Individuals should
not be blamed for what they believe,
or mt believe.
Now, 1 hold that one not learned in
letters can reason logically as well as
the man with much learning, and often
teach such great men as Mr.. Bryan
and Mr.. Taft some things concerning
human governments as related to d.
vine governments that they don't know
and ought to know. w. H. STEEL.