davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1908-05-11

h ATE fUu uaflna lou bad
a perfectly lovely fiat
Yes. hut 80 couldn't suit the
ianltoF We have 10 chltdnsn foe
him "a call down
psstius.
song
The congressman at Xaunilf
One pirasant spfinEtime Jay.
And wondered hat the deuce 10 a.
To pass the tire away
untfi there rusr wtthia thrir midst
A member old aud gray.
And turning to hts colleagues there
Oh. thta 10 them did saY
Chorus
Remember the Record boys.
It's printed each day here
We fiIl u ~ and send II back
To give The home FOLKS cheer.
II ahaps that sc arc on the lob.
That nothing us can hslk
It's not Important shat Se ID.
bat talk. talk. TALK
go Uncle Joe be smiled a smile
Expansive aud serene.
Insured that nothing nov would
hap
To lar the old machine.
And then the orators cut loose.
And flea their lofty flights
To fll che Record fun 81 bunk.
And Keep folks up az nighta
~ChoFuaa-
Remember the Record. boys.
At home they read the stuff.
Aud uoWR The tlme OF all your life
To make fancy bluff.
Though we dast not TO do ; thing
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1908-05-11

v s. Navy YARD Route Steamer
Nspti isaVw Flyer dock 70
and $50 a. m, I 20 and a D M. -.
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-06
BAD ITCHING HUMoR.
Limbs Below the Knees Were Raw
Feet Swollen-SIeep Broken
Cured in Days by Cuticura.

"Some two months ago had hui
NOR break out on my limbs below my
knees. They came to look like raw
beefsteak, all red, and no one knows
how they itched and burned. They
were so swollen that could not get
my shoes 'on for a week or more. l
used five or six different remedies and
got no help, only when applying them
the burning was worse and the itching
less. For two or three weeks the suf-
fering was intense and during that
time 1 did not sleep an hour at time.
Then one morning 1 tried bit Of
Cuticura. From the moment it touched
me the itching was gone and have
not felt bit of it since. The swelling
went down and in two days l had my
shoes on and was about as usual
George B. Farley, so South State St.
Concord, N. H., May IA, 1907"
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-06
DISPENSER of Kisses.

A Frenchman, who apparently has
been amusing himself by reckoning
up the number of kisses he has given
his wife during the first 20 years OF
his married life.
He finds that in the first year he
dispensed about 100 kisses a day, or,
say, allowing for birthdays and legal
and church holidays, about 36.700 in
the year.
In the second year this number was
reduced by half, and in the third
year to ten a day, while in the fifth
year his better half had to be content
with two . day, one in the morning
and one in the evening.
What happened after the fifth year
is wrapped in mystery" but at the
same rate of progression" he prob
ably arrived eventually at one kiss OF
the first of January every leap year
Chicago American.
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-06

way, they have to get an Englishman
to take care of it,"
Il beg your pardon again." said the
gentleman with d. P. w. on his cap
and shield, 'I have the honor of be-
ing native-born American citizen."
The tourist walked away. muttering,
We'll, Pm going back to the hotel be-
fore some one tells me that French
man built those pyramids over there!"
At every station we saw great
crowds of people and passed trains
packed like sardines Our interest
was profound when we learned that
they were pilgrims just starting on
their long and tiresome journey to
Mecca. They were bound for Port
Sand where they would take ship for
Jaffa. from there travelling to Mecca
by camel and horseback. though the
great majority go all the way across
the desert on foot, thereby attaining
added merit. Beside assured saliva
ton, trip to Mecca gives a man the
right to wear a turban of green, the
prophets own color, and the title of
Hadji, and when he returns to his
home, he would quite naturally fresco
over his shop or house door the his
tory of the pilgrimage. purple train,
a red boat, string of green camels,
and yellow mosque before which
mac IN blue turban bows himself in
prayer. Beneath this highly decorative
record he would henceforth sit serene
IS S'earing his green turban, and
smoking his narghila, trying to look
unconscious of the looks of respectful
admiration not unmixed with envy
lAI> are cast in his direction.
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-06
With His Friends.

st. Peter-"Did you make good use
Of the talents given you? Did you do
your share toward improving and en-
nobling the land and the free govern
ment that you lived in?"
American Spirit (proudly)-'T voted
the straight party ticket at every cleo
tion."
st. Peter-"So have heard. Did you
ever take the trouble to inquire into
the character of the men you voted
for?"
Spirit" HIM! They were our reg.
ular party candidates, sir"
ST. Peter-'T see. Well, you will find
most of them in Department X"
Spirit" Thank you. But l have no
wings to fly to Them
st. Peter" You don't have to fly.
You dive" New York Weekly.
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-06
The Funny Things One Sees

NSopyTlSul, ny JoSepu ID. bOWleS.J
1t was a fine, cool morning when
we reached that historic artery of
water that joins the Red sea with the
Mediterranean, the Suez canal.
This unprepossessing ditch" as 1t
has SO often been called, has been
held responsible almost as much as
the unbridled extravaganza of Ismail
Pasha, for the financial ruin of Egypt,
and her occupation by Great Britain.
Despite dire prophecy, and centuries
of failure-for nearly every ruler Of
Egypt, from Seti, father of Rameses
the Great to Napoleon Bonaparte,
tried his hand at the problem of estab-
fishing water communication between
the Mediterranean and the Red sea-
the great canal has become a fixed
fact in the worlds history. The one
time American consul general at
Cairo, Mr.. Frederick Courtland Pen
field, in his charming and instructive
book. present Day Egypt, lets in
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-06

The canals 7aried ana I'm: st tragic
history lent an added int ,rest to the
dull and monotonous ASPECT that it
presents, the fiat sandy banks melting
out into the desert, unbroken save for
the occasional government stations, a
steamer tied to the bank waiting for
ours to pass, or collection of mud
houses belonging to Arabs. whose
camels and donkeys were tethered
nearby.
At times, small boys would race
along the banks, easily keeping pace
with the slowly moving steamer, cry.
ing for "Backsheelsh," to which the
passengers and crew responded by
tossing fruit and packages of food and
money to them.
Great stream dredgers were fire.
quently passed working constantly tc
keep the canal passable for steamers,
as sand and silt are continually filling
it up.
Port Said is a town of some impor
tance, very much larger than Suez, but
in the flying glimpse we caught of it
in the course of a wild, early-morning
ride to catch the train for Cairo, we
were impressed by it's dirt and noise
more than by anything else.
The ride to Cairo was tiresome for
many reasons, chiefly because of the
dust and flies, and a family who
shared the compartment with us, to-
gether with a mountain of luggage
The changing interest of the land
scape, however, made us forget the
annoyances, for were not the scenes
of the Bible spread out before us like
an open book. The shepherd with his
flock. the camels either resting or
marching slowly, the mud houses sur
rounded by palms, the women carry
ing water jars on their heads, walking
splendidly, swinging lightly from their
hips. A family working among the
fertile fields; little girls tending goats
and winding wool on distaff as they
watched or else a venerable old man
in floating draperies riding a diminu-
tive donkey.
During the ride we were much edi-
fed by one of the English party with
US saying as we passed a station:
There's fine engine, splendid en-
gine, by Jove!"
That's an American engine" said
the other man, adding, before we had
lost our little glow of patriotic pride,
but We don't care for them out here,
they burn such lot of coal and are so
very dirty" To our humble sugges-
ton that perhaps they made up for
this defect by being fast, he assented
condescendingly that they were fast
but so dirty, you know"
The great barrage, near Cairo, con-
structed to hold back the surplua
waters and thus irrigate larger area.
by Mongel Bey, Frenchman. The
English tourist never let's slip a
chance to boast of his country's su-
periority in the matter of the reincar-
nation of Egypt under British ''occu-
pation;" and a good story is told by
| Consul Penfield of one of these globe
trotters who was inspecting. with a
proud air, the great barrage.
Yes, it's a great work, and these
foreigners ought to better appreciate
what we are doing for their good. This
lniHS mas put tneul oH lueiI ieel,
financially. sure enough, but 1 don't
see that they show any gratitude for
our having built it,"
Il beg your pardon" said the en-
gineer in charge, but this barrage
was designed and built by French en-
gineers."
Il didn't know that" replied the
tourist. somewhat subdued, "but any
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-06
Irlumph of Mind.

Victim OF Delusion-Doctor. I'm
awfully afraid I'm going to have brain
fever
Doctor-Pooh, pooh, my dear friend!
That's all an Illusion of the senses.
There is no such thing as fever. You
have no fever, you have no br-h'm-
no material substance upon which
such a wholly imaginary and suppo-
sitious thing as fever could find
any base of operation.
Victim-Oh. doctor, what a load you
have taken from my-from MY
have a mind, haven't l, doctor?
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-06

There is more Catarrh in this section Of the countly
than other diseases put together, and until the last
few years supposed to be incurable. For great
many years doctors pronounced II local disease and
prescribed local remedies and by constantly failing
TO with local pronounced t incurable
Science has proven Catarrh to be constitutional dis
ease therefore requires treatment
Halls Catarrh Cure, manufactured by F. j. Cheney
q Co.. Toledo, Ohio is the only Constitutional cure
the market. 1t is taken internally in doses from II
drops to tesspoonful. 1t acts directly on the blood
and mucous surfaces of the system. They offer ono
hundred dollars for any case II fails TO cure. Send
for circulars and testimonials
Address: F. J. CHENEY CO., Toledo Ohio.
Sold by Druggists. 75c.
Take Halls Family Pills for constipation rs. d
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-06
PICTORIAL MAP OF DENVER.
Shows Important Buildings So That
They Can Be Easily Recog-
pized

They Can Be Easily Recog-
nized.
The new map of the city of Denver,
copies of the original drawings of
which have been on exhibition and
which have attracted much attention
because of the careful and accurate
portrayal of the city, has just been is
sued from the office of the Bird's-Eye-
View Publishing Company of this city.
The map, which is pictorial repre-
sentation of Denver, looking south
from the Twenty-third street viaduct
and printed in eight colors, is one of
the most complete, accurate and artis-
tic representations ever made of any
city. Every building is so carefully
and accurately pictured that no one
living in the city need have any diff
Guilty in finding on the map the exact
house in which he lives.
In the downtown sections the prin-
cipal buildings are so faithfully por-
trayed that they can easily be recog-
nized from their appearance, but for
the benefit of those who are unfamiliar
with the city, the names of several
hundred of the principal hotels, bus
mess houses, schools, churches and Of
Hice buildings are designated on The
Alildings themselves. In addition to
this there is marginal index. with
thirty-two reference figures at the bot
tom and top of the map and all the
letters of the alphabet at the sides. By
the aid of these about 500 of the prin-
cipal buildings and points of interest
in the city can be located in the short
est possible time.
The work is done in several colors,
so carefully selected and placed that
80 h. lit t. x1,s
out in the best possible manner, con.
sidering the extent of the undertaking.
The map is in reality huge picture of
the city.
In the margin are found thirty-four
photographs of the most important
buildings and places of interest in the
CITY, including the new auditorium, the
state capitol. the union depot the
Union stockyards and the City park.
The picture map is printed on sheet
Ga by "A inches in size.
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-06
FACTS FOR SICK WOMEN.

For thirty years Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound, made
from roots and herbs, has been the
standard remedy for female ills,
and has positively cured thousands Of
women who have been troubled with
displacements, inflammation, ulcera-
ton, fibroid tumors, Irregularities,
periodic pains, backache, that bear
ing-down feeling, flatulency, indiges-
tion, dizziness, ,ornervous prostration.
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-06

much pleasant light upon the musty,
old traditions Of the ancient land.
Strabo, now; he's the worlds
earliest geographer and historian, or
one of 'em, and 1 suppose we are
bound to believe him, even when he
says (he must have said it, for I've
never seen any of his handwriting
lying around) that IA centuries before
the Christian era Chats an awful long
time, Strabo; but I'll not dispute the
word of a gentleman) Seti cut canal
81 miles long from Bubastis near the
present town of Zigzag-I mean Zaga-
zig to Heroopolis, at the head of the
Bitter lakes, then forming the north
ern extremity of the Suez gulf.
Herodotus-another old-timer who
juggles with centuries as the circus
clown juggles with his old hat-says
that 800 years later Necho the Persian
tried a little canal building, keeping
at it till the mere trif1e of hundred
and twenty thousand lives had been
sacrificed in the job, and only aban-
doning it when the great oracle of that
day (whom he consulted) prophesied
that the most dire results would fol-
low the completion of the work, and
the entire land of Egypt be given over
to the stranger and the barbarian.
Then, successfully. the Roman en-
perors Trajan and Hadrian; the
Arabian .conqueror -.Amron; the great
Napoleon, who held the hollow of the
Heavens in his usurping hard; Me-
hemet Ali, who had butchered 400
Mamelukes before supper, but had not
the daring to brave the ancient
prophecy: French engineers, English
engineers, Austrian engineers, each
and all, tried their hand, but to no
definite end. They disagreed as to the
level of the two seas. Napoleons en-
gineers estimated that the Mediter-
ranean was 80 feet below the level of
the Red sea, calling for scheme of
sluices and locks. Waghorn, an Eng
lishman, declared that the level of the
two waters was Identical
Meanwhile, a young Frenchman was
dreaming dreams; he was eloquent;
he was convincing; and he finally
convinced Said Pasha that the future
was lettered big with the name of
Ferdinand de Lesseps, and If a con-
SCooiOh WSlS given W nlul, ne WOulu
make Egypt and France both immor-
tai He got the concession. Said
cared nothing for the ancient oracle
that had frightened his grandfather
Mehemet, and so Fate swept on with
her relentless broom and Said was
gathered to his fathers; Ismail the
magnificent, the extravagant, prince
of immense fortune, succeeded his
uncle and also succeeded in plunging
his unhappy country up to the neck
in bonds and mortgages galore; Eu-
rope stepped in; England became the
purchaser of Ismail's personal hold
ing (only s20,0OO,OOO saved from the
wreck of $s5,OOO,OOO) which he sur
rendered to his creditors a short time
before his dethronement and Danish
ment to Naples.
Ismail not only incurred in his brief
rule OF 16 years, debt of over $780,
100000, but he mortgaged the souls of
generations of Egyptians yet unborn.
And thus did the prophecy come
true! The ancient oracle spake not in
vain. The land of the Pharoahs and
the Ptolemies, of Alexander and Cleo
patra, has PASSED into the hands OF
] the stranger.
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-06
How He Got IL,

Had comp'ny TO- dinnah yisti'dy.
Nah husban' stopped at Mr.. Green.
store Saturday ebenin' an done got 9
fine spring chicken"
"Yaas?" replied the jealous neigh
Dor. Dat Mistah Green sho' is de
mos keerless, onsuspectin' mani
Philadelphia Press.
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-06

/ was in misery, and had despaired of
ever getting cured when I decided to
try Doan's Kidney Pills. One box helped
me so much that l kept on until en-
tirely cured"
Sold by all dealers, so cents a box.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N Y.
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-06
Unless Caught.

The German-The railroad stations
of Berlin are about to be provided with
automatic machines, which, by insert
ing the proper coin, will deliver an
umbrella.
The American-Well, I'm glad live
in a free country where man can take
an umbrella without costing him any
thing!-Yonkers Statesman.
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-06

ago l began to notice
sharp pain in the
kidneys and a bear
ing down sensation
through the hips.
dull headache a n d
dizzy spells. Dropsy
appeared, and my
feet a n d XII e 8
swelled SO 1 could
not get my shoes on.
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-06
A Strenuous Task.

Your honor" said the witness,
cant you order a recess?"
"a recess?"
"Yes, sir. I've stood on this stand
an told the whole truth two hours on
a stretch, and I'm tetotally worn out!
/ never told the truth that long be-
fore-not in all my lifei"
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-06
LYDIA e. PlNKHAM'S
VEGETABLE COMPOUND

to conquer all female diseases.
Mrs. Norman R. Barndt, of Allen
town, Pa, writes:
Ever since 1 was sixteen years of
age 1 had suffered from an organic de-
rangement and female weakness; in
consequence had dreadful headaches
and was extremely nervous. My physi-
clan said must go through an opera
tion to get well. A friend told me
about Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound, and took it and wrote you
for advice, following your directions
carefully, and thanks to you l am to-
day well woman, and I am telling
all my friends of my experience"
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-06
PIeasinq.

like the bits of greenery
They serve with fish,
l think that sort of scenery
Adds 20 a dish.
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-06
IL Cure. While You Walk.

Aliens Foot-Ease is a certain cure for
hot, sweating, callous, and swollen, aching
feet. Sold by all Druggists. Price 25c. Don't
accept any substitute. Trial package FREE.
Address Allen S. Olmsted. lie Roy. N. Y.
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-06

The winner is he who gives HIM
self to his work, body ard mind
Chas. Buxton.
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-06

Mrs. Windows Soothing Syrup.
For children teething, softens the gums reduces f
nsmmation. allays pain, wind couo Csc bottis
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-06

FITS, St. vItus' Dance and Nervous Diseases per-
nanently cured by Dr. Kline's Great Nerve Restorer
Send for FREE s2.00 trial bottle and treatise. Dr
Il. II. Kline. Id, 93l Arch Street, philadelphia Pa
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-06

A woman's mo" doesn't mean yes
when she says it to the wrong man.
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-06

If you have a good friend don't try
to convert him into a good thing.
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-06

Many a wise-looking man is unable
to deliver the goods.
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-06

People never help man blow hi,
horn because they like the music.
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-06
A KENTUCKY CASE.
That VIII Interest All Suffering
Women.

Mrs. Della Meanes, 32S E. Front
st., Maysville, KY, says: Seven years
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-06
Cold Stors

Cold Storage.
Hook-"I understand he married q
cool million"
Cook-"Yes. but he's complaining
now because he hasn't been able to
thaw out any of t."-Illustrated Bits.
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-06

Dear me! what an awful toothache
you must have!"
Kid (thickly)-Toothache nuthin'!
1 amt got no pockets in dis suit of
clothes, an have to carry me baseball
In me mouth!
The Colorado statesman., 1908-06-06

You won't tell your family doctor
the whole story about your private
illness you are too modest. You
need not be afraid to tell Mrs. Pink
ham, at Lynn, Mass, the things you
could not explain to the doctor. Your
letter will be held in the strictest con-
fidence. From her vast correspond
ence with sick women during the
past thirty years she may have
gained the very knowledge that will
help your case. Such letters as the fol
lowing, from grateful women, es.
tablish beyond a doubt the power OF
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1908-05-08
SHOWER OF MONEY
Fell Oh Depnly Sheriff SteiDman
al New Haven Yesterday.

Things were certainly coming Dep
uty Sheriff Emil Steinman's way yes
terday for time. The deputy sher-
iff was in New Haven and while
passing near the city hall big wad
of greenbacks seemed to drop from
heaven into his hands. At the in
slant the money fell he was In the
act of raising a lighted match to
cigar between his teeth so that the
descension seemed to be specially in
tended for him. He was rendered
motionless for while with amaze
ment and he wondered what good
angel 1t was who dropped him down
roll of Uncle Sans currency. In
minute or two he recovered him
self and lighted his cigar with an
other match. Then he looked
around and saw another wad, but in
piecemeal, coming through the air
toward him.
guess" said the deputy sheriff,
somebody wants me to run for gov
ernor on the republican ticket,
though I'm good democrat, and
they are sending me my campaign
expenses in this manner Well, /
don't think I'll rum" BY this time
he had gathered up half a dozen $40
notes and was folding them into the
wad when another greenback hit
him whack in the left eye. "Oh,
this is too much" exclaimed the
ChaFIH nf foI
low with money is more than | can
bear. This is too much. Wait till |
see my friend Fred Keil." By this
time the deputy sheriff had rolled the
money into one wad and was looking
about him wondering If there were
any more coming through the air to
him when he saw a man about a
dozen yards ahead apparently having
severe spasm. Such conlortions as
this man cut up astonished the sher-
In. He had never seen anything like
1t at the Jacques. After minute or
two the spasm seemed to have passed
and the man turned around. His
coat and vest were open and he
came toward the sheriff. The sher-
If had the greenbacks still in his
hand.
Say" said the stranger, Ibid you
pick up that money!"
No, sir" said the sheriff; "some
one threw the wad down from
heaven, / guess, and the loose bills
came flying through the air to me.
Does the money belong to your"
Does it belong to, me?" gasped
the stranger, extending his hand for
the roll. Say, what're you going to
have?"
"A small beer" said the sheriff
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1908-05-08

Balance on hand 800. $72,773.12|
The transportation committee sub
mitted report which was SUBJ
mitted and approved. 1t authorizes
the comptroller to honor acquisitions
for car tickets so long as he thinks
nobody is asking for more than he
needs in the discharge of his duties
as public official. In case differ
ences should arise Mr. Russell is to
report to the board of finance.