The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-04-05

Danvers.
Lord. sir, you don't mean to say
/ you don't know Sir Peter, sir?" says
Danvers, why 'e's Sin Peter-the
Sir Peter Els a bit heccentric at
time, SIR
Well, we let it go at that Sir Pc
ter seemed to be enjoying himself: so
we piles all the wicker chairs around
l-him. opens the ventilators, and peels
down for business.
Ever try hand ball in a car that's
! being snaked over switches at fifty
miles an hour? So far as looks went,
we We're just as batty as Sir Peter
with his wooden hat. We caromed
around like couple of six spots in a
dice box, and some of the footwork
we did would have had a buck
and-wing artist crazy. We was
using a tennis bail, and when
we'd get in three strokes, with
out missing we'd stop and shake
hands. There want any more sense to
! it than TO a musical comedy; but it
was maxim Mr.. Gordon forget his trou-
/ bles, and it was doing his liver good.
DanVers watched us from behind some
/ chairs. He looked disguised.
/ BY the time we'd got halfway across
Jersey we was ready for the bathtub.
/ And say, that's the way to travel and
stay at home, all at once A private
car for mine While we was putin on
/ a polish with the Turkish towels, Ru-
/ fus Rastus was busy with the din
ner.
Nov, Wen have another talk with
Sir Peter Of the Pail" says Mr.. Cor
] don.
/ We took the barricade down, and
found him just as we'd left him. Then
/ he an Pyramid gets together; but it
was the wiZziest brand of conversation
/ ever heard. You'd have thought they
was talkin' over the phone to the
wrong numbers. Sir Peter would lis
/ ten 10 all Gordon had to say, just as if
he was gettin' next TO every word, but
! his comebacks didn't fit by a mile.
/ Sorry to disturb you, says Mr..
/ Gordon; but I'll have to ask you to
change to a forward car next STOP
! Sir Peter blinked his lamps at him a
minute. and then ne says: Eyes, it
keeps the decimals out" and he taps
/ the bucket, knowing like. My own in
vention, sir. I'd advise you to try it
/ if they ever bother YOU
/ Yes. I'll take your word for that"
( says Mr.. Gordon; but I'm afraid you'll
| have to be getting ready to move. This
/ is my private car, you see'
They always come point first" says
/ Sir Peter; that's how they get in. It's
.
off,
"Oh. the deucer' says Pyramid.
Here, Shorty, you try your luck with
him.
Sure" says / I've talked sense
through thicker things than a wooden
pail" First I raps on his cupola with
me knuckles, just to ring him up. Then,
when I gets his eye. l says, kind of
coaXin': Pete, it's about seventeen af-
] To- civ
Are you next?"
Now say, you'd thought most anyone
would have dropped for hint like that,
dippy or not. But Sir Peter sizes me
up without battin an eye. He had a
kind of dignified. solemn way of look
in, too, with eyes wide open, same's d
judge chargin' a jury.
You'll never need a bucket" says
he
Just then / heard something that
sounded like pouring water from a Jug
and | looks around, to see Mr.. Gordon
turnin' plum color and holdin' himself
by the short ribs. 1 knew what had
| happened then. The nutty one had
handed me the lemon.
Scratch me off" says l. I'm in
the wrong class. If there's to be any
more BlOomingdale repartee, just count
me out
Nav, 1 want sore. or nOthin' like
| that. If any one can get free vaudy-
vifle from me I'll write 'em an annual
pass; but | couldn't see the use of
monkeyin' with that bug-house boarder
Say, if you was payin' for five rooms
and bath when you went on the road,
like Mr.. Gordon was. would you stand
for any machinery-lOft butt-in like
that? | was waitin' for the word to
pile Sir Peter on the baggage truck.
Danvers and all.
Think I got it? Nix Some folks is
easy pleased. And Pyramid Gordon,
with seventeen different kinds of trOu-
bic bein' warmed up for him behind
his back, stood there and played kid.
Said he couldn't think of losin' Sir Pc
ter after that. He got to have dinner
with us. Blessed if he didn't, too, pail
and all! Couldn't fall for any talk
about changin' cars; oh. no. But when
he sees the pink candles and the oysters
on the half, and the quart bott in the
ice bath, he seemed to get his hearin'
back by wireless.
Dinner" says he. "Ah, yes, Dan
Vers, has the prime minister come yet
1t was tonight that he was to dine
with me, wasn't it?"
Tomorrow night, Sir Peter" says
Danvers.
"Oh, very well. But you gentlemen
Will share the joint with me, Ell? We'll
come to Branscomb Arms And let's
gather around, siTs, let's gather
around"
You should have seen the way he did
it, though. Regular John Drew man.
ners, the old duffer had. Lord knows
where he thought he was, though:
somewhere on Highgate road, / sup
pose. But wherever it was, he was right
TO hOme-called Rufus Rastus Jenkins.
and told Danvers he could go for the
day. Gave me the goose-flesh back
until / got used to it; but Mr.. Gordon
seemed to take it all as part of the
game.
1t beat all the dinners I ever had,
that one. There we were poundin' over
the rails through Pennsylvania at a
mile-a-minute clip. the tomato SCUM
doin' a merry go-round in the plates,
the engine tootin for grade-crossin's
and Sir Peter, wearin' his pail as dig
nified as a cardinal does a red hat,
talkin' Just as if he was back on the
farm, up north of London / don't
blame Rufus Rastus for Wearin' his
eyes on the outside. They stuck out like
III,