davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-09-20
"DE NAMIN' OBJ DE TWINS"
Annyias and Saphiry

Annyias and Saphiry
Sis Tab done say to me.
But. hep me. Lawd. what do you spec
desc chillun gwine % be?
sides dem names s got er cur us
SCUM
You says is hard to please?
Well. so 'ould any granny be, wild sech
a par as desc.
Ole Pahson Bob he low dat
Will suttinly be sinnin',
Onless / GIBBS em names dat starts 'em
right in de beginnin':
81 villa" fer de gal, he says.
From de tex II will arise
An dat 'ould show she's startin' up,
todes glory in de skies;
An fer dis man chile. Abraham
De fardah oh em all
Or els Belshazzah. who done writ dat
writin' on de wall: -
But Pahson Bob-eXcuse me, Lawd,
He'd bettah sabe his BRET
To preach de gospel. and jes keep his
'risin' to hisse'f;
Fer nary pussou. white nor black
Am glib no pint to me
Bout namin desc heah Chris mus gifts
asleep on srannys knee.
(Now hushaby-don squirm an twis',
Be still. you varmits. do,
You amt gwine hab no niggah names to
tote roun' wild YOU'D
Gaze on de qestion oh desc names
/ sho is he'd nah miDe
Perzactly an percidedly done med up all
de time;
Fer NAH pc CeeIy Ann-yas. Lawd.
Jes nigh afo she d,ed.
She name dis gal "Neuralgy," her boy
twin, Homicide
Mary Fairfax Childs.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-09-20
LOST RELATIVES.
(Mannheim Gazette.)


Referring TO the death last year of
King Oscar of Sweden, Dr. William
Kohler tells this anecdote. About fifty
years ago Oscar, then a prince, boarded
a passenger steamer at Marseiles for
a North African port. On the voyage
the captain asked the young man:
Did I see you at Marseilles yesterday
in uniform"
quite likely"
And may l ask what the uniform
WASP"
THAT of an admiral"
admiral? Are you not rather young
for that rank?"
Il owe it more to my name, he an
swered, smiling, than to my nautical
knowledge"
And the name. if I may ask"
'Bernadotte
Possibly a kinsman of the great
marshall
He was my grandfather. later king
of Sweden. and / am Prince Oscar of
Sweden. the kings brother"
The captain made a respectful bow
and asked the young prince if he knew
thai had relatives in Marseilles.
Yes said Oscar. but | never had
time to look them up"
There is one on board May I pre-
sent him ?"
DO, by all means"
The captain went to the speaking
tube and called. "BernadOtte"
Presently a man came on deck. naked
to the waist. covered with CRIME and
SCOT. He stood at attention. awaiting
! orders, when the captain said:
Your royal highness, l have the
! honor TO present your cousin"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-09-20
THE NEW DISEASES.

Drank Honeywell. in Memphis News
Scimitar)
It's funny how these doctor men
Discover so unceaSing
Diseases new to kill men off
The frightful list increasing;
Bad lingering colds we used to have
They call them now bronchitis:
The Old-time sore Threats of our youth
Are changed to tonsilitis.
The leg-aches that we used to have,
BY clever mesmerism.
They've made US thinks new disease
Sciatic rheumatism.
If old-time stomach-aches arise,
They're likely TO invite us
Into a hospital to cut
Us for appendicitis
But here's the latest that is out
From medical profession
fortunately have the proofs
OF truth in my possession:
| knew man who poison took
In error. and. to cure him.
He drank four quarts or more of milk;
A neighbor did assure him
That this would act emetcaI
And cure him in a minute:
He said 'twould clear his stomach clean
OF all the poison in il.
A thunder storm was raging then;
The sick man, | profess,
Groaned louder than the thunder storm
And died in deep distress.
They called a neighbOring doctor in.
Who took his carving knife.
And cut the dead man open to
Find out what took his life:
Then to the mourning family gave
This diagnosis comic:
He said the mans disease was caused
BY smear-case on the stomach.
Perhaps twas so. ! cannot say
| am no science stabber;
That doctor said the milk was turned
BY thunder into clabber
At once the gastric forces on
That clabbered milk did seize a.
And quickly it was worked into
A mass of cottage cheese.
MORAL:
All me. the new, discoveries
That medicine can make;
We should be happy to get sick
For new discoveries sake.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-09-20
BEECHER'S UMBRELLA.
New York Sum-

Among thet financial friends of Henry
Ward Beecher was one old broker in New
YORK, an aggressive Unitarian which sect
he often said bore the trademark of hon
esty. One day he met Mr.. Beecher hur-
rying toward Wall street ferry to avoid
the downpour of a sudden rainstorm.
Take my umbrella said the broker.
Il don't need it; the coming bus takes
me to my door"
At the ferry Mr.. Beecher met a lady.
a prominent church worker of a sister
church, VINO. having no umbrella, was la
menting her inability to reach her car
safely. The urbane preacher forced the
umbrella upon her as he said: Il will
be out your way tomorrow and | Will
call and get it
Two hours later. as Mr.. Beecher was
sitting in the old armchair in his study,
the door bell rang. and when he responded
to the call a boy hurriedly presented him
with an umbrella. together with an IN
sealed note, which read:
Dear Mr.. Beecher: Ny husband Mr.
NJ. demands that | return the umbrella
you so kindly loaned me at once. and
join him in saying that under the cir
cumstances the pleasure of an anticipated
call is unregreuted. Upon opening the UNI
brella you will become more fully ad-
vised of our united action
The great eXpounder of truth and hon
esty was Mortified when. upon opening tia
umbrella, ne discovered a pasted sin
upon which was written in bold. round
hand: Stolen by some Presbyterian
Theft
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-09-20
CHILD OF THE UNITED STATES.

tNeW Ork sum-
General George Sherman Batcheler.
who died in Paris a couple of weeks ago.
was fond of telling a pretty story of his
of the international court at Cairo. Dur
ing that period King Edward. then Albert
Edward. Prince of Wales, made a visit
to the Khedive's realm. and a great Of
fetal reception was given him at Alex
andria. OF course. General Batcheller
was one of the guests, and as it was an
open-air event he took his daughter with
him. who was small person, or years
old
Now. the young lady had heard good
deal about the prince, and she had plans
of her own in regard to him So il hap
pened that when the proceedings We're
at their height General Batcheller missed
her from his side. While he was looking
for her she was edging her way through
the crowd of English and Egyptian Of
ficers. diplomats. and other high func-
tionaries. until she reached the prince $
side where she stood for some time. as
her father learned later on. watching him
intently.
AT last she seemed to be quite sure of
his good nature. for she reached out her
hand and gently stroked his left hand as
il rested on the handle of his sword The
prince turned around with an astonished
EXPRESSION but when he saw the pretty
child's face smiling up at him he smiled
amiably himself, stopped and shook hands
with her. and asked who she was. She
answered:
I'm Miss Kate Batcheller OF the
United States
The prince was greatly amused, and
when they told him who her father was.
he expressed a wish to meet the general.
and COMMUNICATED him on his ''resOlutely
American little girl as he puts II.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-09-20
pEPUBLICAN SCARE IN OHIO.

The recent dash of Mr.. Bryan through
Ohio, which had not been announced,
and the remarkable outpouring of the
people in the towns through which he
passed. caused CONSERVATION in the
camp of the enemy. One immediate
result was an appeal to Senator For
aker by Mr.. Vorys and Chairman Will
liams of the Ohio state central COM
mittee to buckle on his armor and aid
in the attempt to turn the tide of bat
tie, now running strongly against the
Republicans in the Buckeye state, as
we'll as in many other localities
Williams is the man who is response
aker when the state campaign was
opened at Youngstown a few days ago,
when the Fire Alarm" was invited to
be present with the understanding that
he was TO be seen and not heard. For
aker failed to put in an appearance.
neither did he deign 10 take notice of
the invitation. Recently Chairman Will
lams publicly stated that the senator
would not be allowed TO participate in
the campaign under the auspices OF the
state committee until he replied to the
note inviting him to Youngstown:
Speaking of the opening of the Re-
publican campaign at Youngstown. a
peculiar incident is worthy of mention
as showing the desperate straits to
which the Taft managers are put. Gov
ernor Harris. who is a candidate for re-
election. was one of the chief speakers,
Governor Hughes and Senator Bever-
thought Governor Harris had caused
$500 Autographs of himself TO be sent
in advance TO Youngstown in order that
the town might be properly beautified
for the momentous occasion. Thinking
to gaze upon his own benign counten-
ance plastered on the dead walls and
windows of Youngstown, imagine the
surprise of the governor when he gazed
instead upon the smiling features of
Judge Taft and Judson Harmon, his
Democratic rival. Joined together. The
responsibility has not been fixed, or il
IL has the incident has been quickly
closed lest more trouble be caused and
Judge Taft be buried beyond hope OF
resurrection.
Another feature of the situation in
Ohio is developed by the fact that
Judge Taft has consented to make COM
mon cause with Boss Cox of Cincin-
natl. and an appointment has been
made for Mr.. vorys with this sweet
scented individual and two of his lieu
tenants. 1t is only couple OF years
ago that Judge Taft denounced Cox In
unmeasured terms. and as result Gin
cinnati elected a Democratic mayor
and the boss lost his hold. Now we find
the Republican candidate for president
doing business with this chief OF
ward heelers.
! Truly the situation in Ohio must be
desperate from the G. o. P. point OF
view.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-09-20
BISHOP is A HANDY MAN.
Gndianapolis Star.


Bishop Robert Mcintyre of Los An
geles, one of the new leaders of the
Methodist church. knows how to use
his fists as well as how to preach a
sermon.
Every body almost knows that the
bishop once was bricklayer; but only
few know that he handled his fists in
his young days with us much agility and
brllliancy as ne now handles the Eng
lish language.
Governor Isaac Clements of the Sol
diers' home. Danville. ILL.,, when in Los
Angeles recently. told a story that
bears on the bishops skill in an anus
ing and convincing way.
AS a young man." said Governor
Clements. Bishop Mcintyre was rather
an athlete and an especially good box
er. Though he didn't use the art after
he became a minister. he never forgot
if occasion demanded.
while he was stationed in Charles
ton he had occasion TO walk into the
county clerks office. He was coed
mixer. A young deputy in the office.
an enthusia site athlete. walked UP to
Mr.. Mcintyre. saying in patronizins
way:
'Parson, put up your props and let
me give you lesson in boxing.
1.-The young man was more surprised
than he ever liked to admit when the
preacher replied: All right Come on.
THE contest was short lived and
lively-for the young man. The preach
er landed a liner on the nose of the
young boxer which started the crimson
flowing freely and put stars into his
horoscope that he hadn't noticed be-
fore.
The lad retired from the ring with
the announcement: Why. you don't
need any lesson"
Bishop Mcintyre. who is here pre-
pairing to leave for his new episcopal
residence in st. Paul Mimi. says he
doesn't remember the exact details of
the friendly little fisticuff. but he'll
stand for anything Governor Clements
says.
IT'S perfectly right that I was some
thing of an athlete when | was a
young man. and I did know how to use
my fists, I guess" the bishop said when
reminded Of the incident
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-09-20
FOUNTAIN OF SOAP BUBBLES.
(GentleWonan.l

One of the most novel and fascinat-
ing sights among all the destinations of
the Franco-British exhibition is the
soap bubble fountain in the British Hall
of Textile and Chemical Industries.
The fountain consists OF a double ba-
sin surmounted by a graceful figure:
concealed under the base is an electric
motor, air blast and pump; the first
drives the two latter, which force soapy
water through pipe connected with
eighty-seven different outlets, each one
of which emits thousands and thou
sands of bubbles, which in ever chang
ing hues fall like a kaleidoscope cas-
cade round the base.
In the daytime il is a marvellous
sight, but at night, when innumerable
electric lights beneath the bubbles are
turned on, it is the most dazzling scene
possible, and, borrowing an expression
from the Arabian Nights" one might
most aptly speak of it as the fountain
of thousand jewels so sparkling. so
radiant is the effect
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-09-20
US. DlSPENSATORY
Describes the Principal ingredients
Contained In Pe-ru-na.

Contained I'm Pe-ru-nd.
Are we claiming too much for Peruna
when we claim it to be an effective
remedy for chronic catarrh? Havewe
abundant proof that Peruna is in real
ity such catarrh remedy? Let US see
what the United States Dispensatory
says of the principal ingredients of
Peruna.
Take, for instance, the ingredient
hydrastis canadensis, or golden seal.
The United States Dispensatory says
of this herbalremedy, that it is largely
employed in the treatment of depraved
mucous membranes, chronic rhinitis
nasal catarrh), atomic dyspepsia lea
tarrh of the stomach, chronic intesti-
nal catarrh, catarrhal jaundice lea
tarrh of the liver, and in diseased
mucous membranes of the pelvic
organs. 1t is also recommended for
the treatment of various forms of dis
eases peculiar to women.
Another ingredient of Peruna, cory
dalis formosa, is classed in the United
States Dispensatory as tonic. So also
is cubebs elassed as a stomachic and as
tonic for the mucous membranes.
Cedron seeds is another ingredient of
Peruna, an excellent drug that has
been very largely overlooked by the
medical profession for the past fifty
years. The seeds are to be found il
very few drug stores. The United
States Dispensatory says Of the action
of cedron that it is used as bitter
tonic and in the treatment of dysen-
terry, and in intermittent diseases as a
substitute for quinine.
Oil of copaiba, another ingredient
of Peruna, is classed by the United
States Dispensatory as a mild stimu-
LIANT and diuretic. Itacts on the stom-
ach and intestinal tract. It acts as q
stimulant On the genito-urinary mem
branes. Useful in chronic cystitis,
chronic dysentery and diarrhea, and
some chronic diseases CT the liver and
kidneys.
Send to us for a free book Of testi-
monials of what the people think CT
Peruna as catarrh remedy. The bes.
evidence is the testimony CT those who
have tried 1t.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-09-20

preposterous. OF course the impaling of
bad for the Republicans and makes the
position of Judge Taft more precarious
than ever. but there isn't the shadow
of an excuse for accusing the Demo-
cratic national committee of having re-
ceived any Rockefeller, Rogers or Arch
bold contributions. Having made
case against the Republicans, Hearst
attempted to sprinkle a little kerosene
on the Democrats in the effort to make
them smell like the opposition. The OBJ
ject is too transparent to prove effec-
tive. and will surely act as boomer
ang
If anything is needed to show the So
licitude of the Standard Oil people for
the welfare Of Judge Taft as a presi-
Dental candidate. the subjoined tele-
gram will supply the deficiency:
Hammond. Ind. Sept. 15.-The Standard
OH company, which was fined $4,000. 900
by Judge Landis will support the Re
this year. This information was received
Yesterday from what is regarded as re
liable source. and the hearts of local Re-
publican office-seekers have been glad
dened, as they feel sure they may be
carried into power on the strength of the
national ticket.
Office employees of the Standard Oil
company at Whiting have for several
weeks received the issues of Harper
Weekly. Republican paper. Articles
advocating the Taft-Sherman platform,
and denouncing Wattersonian ideas as ad-
vanced by Mr. Bryan. have appeared
weekly. There has been no charge made
for these papers. and the recipients have
often refused to accept them from the
postoffioe. believing they will some day
receive a bill for the subscription.
Investigation at the Chicago postal
headquarters, through which the Harper
magazines pass, revealed the fact that
the weeklies are the gift of the STANDARD
Oil company, which has paid a year $
subscription in advance for more than 2E
of its employees. An effort was made TO
keep secret the method of campaigning.
but it leaked out. 1t is believed other
corpora tons will follow the example of
the oil interests and boom their candi-
dates by the distribution of such CAM
paign matter produced by the Harper
company.
Usually the political work of the
ROckefellers is done in such a manner
that no telltale traces of oil are left
| behind. but in this instance the usual
caution is lacking and proof is fur
nished that will convince the most OBJ
fuse.
The Standard Oil company isn't sup
porting the Democratic ticket this year;
neither is the steel trust or any of the
other tariff-protected predatory cor
porations.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-09-20
WHY BE GRAY?
CPhiladelphia Record.D

If what a French contemporary says is
correct. the silver threads which are apt
TO show themselves rather early among
the gold In these strenuous times may be
postponed indefinitely. thanks to the dis
covery of a Russian scientist DIR. Metch-
nikoff His remedy consists simply in
curling or waving the hair or in some way
submitting the hair to the action of hot
iron. for it is the effect of the heat that is
the essential factor. DIR. Metchnikoff, in
spite of his advanced age. has fine head
of hair which shows no trace of gray
ness. He has always used a curling iron,
not from any feeling of vanity. but be-
cause he maintains that the pigmentary
cells of the hair are liable to be attacked
bv microbes which. in turn. are easily de-
sfroved bv the action Of a hot iron. Thus
the cells are preserved, and with them
the primitive color of the hair. The rem
edy is simple one, but there is one
not restore the color to hair which has
already turned gray
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-09-20
REltEF FOR FIREMEN.

At the recent meeting of the State
Firemen's association legislative COM
mittee was appointed with the idea in
view OF asking the next legislature to
make provision for the injured and in
digent firemen. and the widows and or
phans of those who go down to death
i'm the line of duty.
We understand. the plan proposed Is
that per cent of the premiums paid on
fire insurance be set aside for the pur-
pose above stated. 1t is the intention of
the committee to advocate this method
of making provision for those needing
relief in view of the fact that S651 ,260.
net, went out OF the state in 1907 in the
form of premiums on insurance, the fig
ures given being those of the firemen.
While not in position to advocate any
specific plan for the relief desired. owing
to lack of thorough investigation OF the
subject. The Herald strongly sympa-
thiZes with the firemen and believes
that some such provision should be
made. 1t is an Xtra-haZardous occu-
and lion-hearted men ever make a sue
cess Of it, The Drawer and better the
fireman. the more chance of his being
killed or MANNED for life. A soldier in
than the fireman who responds to the
alarm day after day throughout the
year. They are entitled to pension
after years of service. when they can
no longer risk their lives for others, and
also If injured I'm the line of duty. Dou-
bly, so are the widows and orphans en-
titled to protection and their daily bread
when the husband and father has fallen
at his post.
More than this. The Herald believes
that the fire department of this city
should be taken out of politics and the
men allowed to retain their positions
during good behavior. providing they
are efficient The men of the Salt Lake
department are not asking this, but for
the good of all concerned, the property
owners and the general public, this
measure of reform should be inaugu-
rated.
To return to the pension proposition
| Two years ago during a tornado an
| alarm was sounded. While the depart
ment was on the way to the fire tree
was blown down and Fred Gulbranson
one of the firemen, was crushed beneath
it. The unfortunate man is still in a
plaster cast, and a hopeless cripple for
the remainder of his days. To the cred
il of the city be it said that he is still
carried upon the roll and his wants sup
piled. With a number of such cases
conclusion is inevitable that some pro-
vision should be made such as is desired
| by the State Firemen's association.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-09-20
kIPLiNG'S TALE TO STUDENTS
Boston Herald.)


Rudyard kipling concluded his recent
address TO the students of McGill uni
versity with an attack on 'smartness."
He said:
Whenever and wherever you find one
of your dear little playmates showing
signs of smartness in his work, his talk
or his play, take him tenderly by the
hand, by both hands, by the back of the
neck, if necessary, and lovingly, playful
ly, but firmly. lead him to a knowledge of
high and more interesting things"
Afterward Mr.. Kipling told a story
about a smart man.
This man." he said. owned dry
goods store, and one day. to his great
disgust. he heard a new clerk say to a
lady:
No, ma am, We have not had any for
long time
With a fierce glance at the clerk the
smart employer rushed up to the lady
and said:
. We have plenty in reserve, ma'am:
plenty upstairs
Lady and clerk looked dazed and aft
erward the smart proprietor learned that
the clerks remark had been made in
answer to the lady's: We haven't had
any rain lately"