The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1908-01-17
GU AN UPPER
BERTH
SIMON PuRE's TRIP TO NEW
YORK

lldtllNc.
why, Simon, what is the trouble?"
Il seen it," he replied lowering his
voice and looking around as II afraid
of seeing it again.
Seen what?"
New York"
You don't mean to say"
Yep" he interrupted, nodding his
head vigorously. IL seen it from tn
top { tn bottom, an inside out-Good
Lord"
Tell us about It."
"Wa-al, it's just this-away. An OIL
uncle O. mine passed in his ch-chicks
an left me a hull thousand do.ars. I'd
hearn an read so much O. Gotham,
says { Mandy, Mandy, go t. town an
buy tn best suit y kin get fer $40,
and pay as much as two dollars an
a half fer a hat, an We'll go t New
York
Simon ses she { me. Simon,
you're fool asst her Why an she
sed we he'd about as much use fer
New York as a dog hes fer a side peck
ct. Tibet made me mad an | tole her
t go t thunder an Id go-an' did"
What did she say to you when you
got back?"
she sed | wuz a burned sight big
ger fool than | wuz before left-but
then y know she was mad because
didn't take her Wa-al, putting nine
hundred in tn bank, TUX a hundred
an a few dollars Mandy had layin
round loose, tellin' her { draw ten, if
she needed it whilst wuz gone, and
took tn train. AS | wuz a-goin |
thought I'd go right, so / takes a pull
lem sleeper. Tibet is, they calls it a
sleeper, but what for I'm burned if |
know
when | showed my ticket t. the
man at tn gate he sized up tn new
suit case an kind o. grinned, but he
didn't say nuthin', SO / went ahead
a-lookin' fer car six. | couldn't find no
car six. | walked up an down, an
all | could see wuz some highfalutin'
names, jawbreakers wors'n the Skis
tibet hes tn ducks out my way Finally |
walks up { a swell coon with gold
braid on his cap an ses, Please, mis-
ter, kin y tell me where in thunder
car six is?'
Right in hyar, sir, right in hyar,
ses he, smilin' and perlite. 1t made
me swell all up with pleasure, an |
went into a dark hole of a hallway
an didn't know but what tn cuss
he'd got me into the wrong pew. There
wuz some men behind me, an one fell
Ter sings out, We'll, go in or come out,
| don't give a d-m which Thet didn't
sound so all fired perlite, but what |
could understand 1t, so | made bee
line through drape tibet hung up, an
found myself in nice box with leath-
er-covered seats.
Finally lot o swells came in an
set down. They looks at me as If
he'd no right there, an it made me
feel gol-durn mad. Then along comes
tn conductor an takes Ey ticket an
tn sleepin' car tab, givin me q little
pink slip.
Here, consarn it, | yelled, GIN
me my ticket. l hain't got t New
York TIL conductor told me { keep
my shirt on, and tn crowd of swells
hollered an laughed. lowed hedn't
begun T. go { bed yet, and tole tn
brass-bound gent not { git sassy. He
seed | meant business and kind O.
cooled down a bit, telln' me I'd git my
ticket in tn mornin'.
Upper u, sar!' ses tn darkey,
you berth is all ready, sar.'
Wall, sir, tibet coon takes me
back through tn center aisles between
lot o drapes that was a hoppin'
round my shins { where there wuz a
stepladder. He pinted t it an
mounted, an there was, sure 'nough, a
bed MADE up on a shelf | looked it
over an it looked good t me, but
climbs down an huntin' up tn coon,
who then he'd on a white coat, asst
him where l could hang my clothes.
He sed he'd show me. | could see he
wuz tryin' powerful hard not t laugh.
He pointed TO hammock made outen
fish netting swingin' over tn bed. /
told him thet wouldn't do as my new
suit would git all creased up tn wrong
way.
"Seein nuthin' else t do, | climbs
up, an sittin' on tn side of thet two
story bed, | takes off my boots an
drops EN- on tn floor. They certainly
did make a noise, an a galoot sticks
his head outen tn Grapes up-a-ways
an wants { know what thell. | grins
at him an tells him { keep his night
shirt on. He wuZ tibet mad tibet he
shook his fist at me. Seem no pegs,
/ rolls m coat up an puts it In tn
| fishnet, an crawls IN between tn
sheets with the rest Of my clothes on.
| BY tibet time | wuz real dozy Jest
as | wuz fallin' { sleep there comes
a bump an | thought | wuz bein'
| driven through tn front en- of tn car.
sticks my head out an asst tn coon
what the matter wuz. He ses we wuz
| only stoppin' at station. | sed II tibet
wuz tn way IL wuz done | 'sposed it
wuz all right, an tried { sleep, but tn
wind come whistin' through some
where tell you them pullems orter
| be caulked. | took my bumps till
II