The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-01-19

Before drowning my new found troubles have fully decided upon, I will leave 4 brief record of perhaps the strangest complication of human identity in the his- tory of the New York police court.
 am confined in the Tombs OH the charge of bigamy. and I will swear by all that is good and holy that l have never married one woman in the world. Yet thirteen different women of as many grades of complexion, disposition and stature have poked their noses through the bars of my cell and identified me as their respective husband. And l am told by the warden that another batch is due to arrive during the coming week. Some of them may be here tomorrow.
 They come from every section of the country and represent all the types of feminine frivolty and sedate beauty in re- pose I have never before seen any of them, yet they insist on being allowed to chuck me under the chin and "towsel" my hair.
 l cannot condemn these women as im- posters. They believe they are right in their identity and in sense they are, but 1 am tired and will end our troubles by making scores of desolate widows at one stroke at midnight.
 I will tell you how it happened.
 About two weeks ago, being worn des- pondent with sorely diseased body, 1 went down to the river to commit suicide.
 I had chosen quiet spot and quieter hour of the night for the suspicious oc- casion as l did not care to disturb the neighbors and give the undertaken and coroner any unnecessary trouble.
 But just as 1 balanced myself for the final act of life was somewhat disturbed to find that I was not alone A stranger had come up unnoticed and seemed intent upon the same business as myself. caught myself and inquired, curiously. My friend, are you, too, seeking reliet from some dire malady of body or soul?"
 .'I am going to commit suicide on myself if that Is what you mean.' replied the stranger impatiently, and again prepared to leap.
 Hold, sir, you have fine physique; the rich blood of ruddy health seems to be coursing through your veins. or is it the hectic flush of some treacherous disease? Surely you are a sufferer from no bodily ailment?"
 'Oh my health is very good. thank you, but don't interrupt me again; I am busy now Call around tomorrow"
 During this introductory dialogue l had been thinking rapidly and had lit upon what I thought was a master solution of our troubles.
 I had sound and vigorous mind but a weak body. This man had a perfect body but evidently a troubled spirit. It looked like a pity to destroy my good mind and his body, and the idea occurred to me that If we could form combina tion whereby the objectionable elements could be thrown In the river and the two available beings combined for new ex- istence of a perfect ewhole a distinct ser vice would be done the cause of human ity.
 Say. friend.' I continued after short interval, 'I am here for the same sol emn business as yourself. My body i5 racked with pain and is therefore of no more value. l am afflicted with an in- curable bodily ailment while my mind is as sound as June peach. You seem to have a sound body but a troubled spirit. Pray tell me your differences with the world. Financial difficulties?'
 No"
 Disappointed in love?''
 NO, no; would that I might have been a score of times.'
 Lost a dear relative?"
 "I only wish it were so.
 "Ah I see. Your mother-in-law. Poor woman. Why don't you asphyxiate her, or put rough on rats in her biscuit?''
 ''Too big job"
 SIT, cam understand you, unlcss. you are batty in the belfry."
 Well. what's the use anyway? Forget 1t. It will be all the same to both of us tomorrow when the minnows of the At lantic are nibblng the gristle from our bones.
 In few words I explained to the stran- ger that perhaps we could in some de- gree appease the wrath of the gods by preserving the best of each of us as a new and better combination creature. explained that through the power of hyp- notism so perfectly developed by Profes- sor Won Baumgarten and so graphically described by Dr. Doyle our spirits could be made to exchange human habitations.
 This being done, he could with his dis eased mind, throw my worn out and worthless body into the river if he cared to, while I, with my still vigorous spirit domiciled in his healthy body, could con- tinue to live as a credit to both of us and thereby possibly gain some favor in the judgment