davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Francisco call., 1908-05-31

Exactly" replied Bright Eyes. and
time to take another drink Isn't it
deiightfully uncertain?"
After a few more, with just hint
of lemon in them. Purple Nose asked
our Hero II he would lIisc 20 walk
about and take look at the old town
in the brilliant moonlight that was
flooding the city. Our Hero said he
would and quite naturally chose Bright
Eyes for his guide.
Then they went off together. while
Purple Nose. snickered. The 1s9th con-
quest in this century; she is certainly
a winner.''
What would you like to look at
first?" asked Bright Eyes.
I'D like to go and look at the spot
where the courthouse used to stand. :
answered Our Hero. with sad memories
of the crozs examinations he had been
grilled through in the historic building
as TO his income.
The largest cafe in the city had been
erected upon this spot and they went
in TO get another drink.
,fter about five years OF tnis.~ sug-
gestee Our Hero. you must set an sw-
ful load on. I'm beginning to be dizzy
myself
Bright Eyes shook her head. Take
one of these tablets she said, handing
him package. whenever You feel
that coming ON. and you'll never know
YOU had a drink
Our Hero was thinking deeply. Are
thel ocean greyhounds still in exist
enoe?" he asked.
:.Oh, no." replied his companion. I'VE
could never build a ship large enough
to hold all the drinks that were re-
quired for voyage. and as there is
nothing to see on the other side of the
world that is now any different from
this. we never travel: we just com
municate by thought Our Hero was
much interested.
How do you do that ne asked.
@Just think that YOU would like to
know what the men and women on the
Riviera arc drinking this morning.
Our Hero thought. and presently
there began to appear out of space a
John Johnston highball and glass of
bitters.
This is great he said. Now / will
think that 1 would like to know what
else they are doing on the other side
besides drinking"
They waited in absolute silence for
many minutes. but nothing material
lied.
That means" said the young woman.
that they are not doing anything else.
They never do
BY the way asked the Hero. where
are the children l didn't notice any in
our walk down here"
The San Francisco call., 1908-05-31
The MIX Chewerso Seek Converts in San Francisco

ity than DR.. Robertson Wallace says he
has known a patient to fast Tor lU
days 20 his great benefit. The average
fast recommended by the milk chew
ers'' for ordinary ills, however, Ii but
three days.
During his fast the patient may take
as much water as he pleases and a
moderate amount of exercise-say, a
three sr four mile walk each morning.
The return 70 eating is enected
through the milk diet. each mouthful
being carefully chewed. Between pints
of milk the juice of lemon may be
slipped to prevent biliousness- The milk
diet is usually kept up from two to
four weeks, an average of about SIX
quarts day being absorbed
Many Of the Boston ..miiT erewers.'
who CLAIM to have been cured or Nari-
Gus ills through the fa~ting SYSTEM. say
they found it required good deal OF
character and resisting power to put
the theory into practice, in face of the
entreatiee. expostulations. ridicule and
real concern of the folks at home. but
that the results made it all worth
while.
More than half the ills. imaginary
livelihood could be banished by intelli-
gent fasting, declare the Fletcher
ties"
Race suicide. they say. is due largely
to the present extremely high cost OF
supporting a family. They point to
the army of workers whose weekly
outlay for living expenses leaves them
nothing over with which to properly
bring up family and say that in
Fletcherism lies the one effective rem
edy and hope
The San Francisco call., 1908-05-31

IL it were otherwise he would have
been announced on the telephone from
the office-a Harvard professor. l take
it. for no other kind of living creature
in Boston would admit that there was
anything he did not know. and there
fore no other kind of Bostonian would
seek my assistance. Come in
The door opened and a rather distin-
guished looking old gentleman. carry
ing suit case and an umbrella, en-
tered.
Good morning, professor" said
Holmes, rising and holding out his
right hand in genial fashion and taking
his visitors hat with his left. How
are things out at Cambridge this morn
ing?'
Marvellous. Marvellous calculated
the visitor. infringing somewhat on
my copyright; in fact. taking the very
words out Of my mouth. How did
YOU know l was professor at Har-
vard?@
by the matricula ton mark on your
The San Francisco call., 1908-05-31

and conscientiously you will have no
time to earn your living. and no one
will expect it of YOU
but where shall l sleep?p inquired
Our Hero.
At this the whole company laughed,
showing that our millenniumners will
not be devoid of humor. Sleep they
cried Haven't you had enough sleep
for while? But if there are a few
bedrooms left around the city you can
have them all to yourself. Hardly any
one ever uses them
Our Hero sat UP more amazed than
ever. You never sleep?" he asked.
Certainly not,' cried Purple Nose.
1--WE have too many brands to be able
to taste all of them in less than "a
hours. Nearly every day new drink
is invented. When we grow sleepy
we take one of these tablets (handing
another package to Our Hero) and all
sleep vanishes.
ut-er"-hesitated Our Hero,
where do you bathe?"
Oh cried Sweet Eyes, 'in the
Rhine Wine tank, by which you were
sleeping this morning
But that was the water or the
HUDSON river cried Our Hero.
Purple Nose shook his head.
The San Francisco call., 1908-05-31

trip The only result of this was a ner-
vous headache. But my blood was up
l vowed to detect Your thought IL it
cost me my life. Removing the covers
of the book, L cut the pages up into
slips, each the size of a playing card.
pasted these upon four packs of cards.
shuffied them three times. cut them
twice. dealt them to three imaginary
friends seated about a circular table
and played an equally Imaginary game
OF muggins with them. at the end OF
which l placed the four packs one on
top of the other. shuffied them twice
again and sat down to read the pages
in the resulting sequence. sun the
meaning of pragmatism eIUded me-"
There was prolonged pause. inter-
rupted only by the heavy breathing OF
the professor.
"Gio on he said hoarsely.
Well" said Holmes. las "a last re-
sort sent the book to a youns friend
OF mine who runs a printing shop and
had him set the whole thing i'm type.
which l afterward pied. sweeping up
the remains in a barrel. and then draw
ing them out letter by letter. arranging
them in the order in which they came.
OF the result I drew galley proofs. and
would you believe it, professor. when
again proceeded to read your words the
thing meant even less than IT did be-
fore. From all of which l deduce that
you did not know what prasInatism
was, for if you had known the chances
are you would have told us. Eh2'
1 awaited the answer. looking out OF
the window, for the demolition Oe an
other man is not a pleasant thing to
witness. even though it involves a tri-
umph for one of our most respected and
profitable heroes. Strange to say, the
answer did not come. and on turning to
see the reason why I observed to my
establishment that Holmes and I were
alone. and. what was worse. our visitor
had vanished with both our suit cases
and overcoat as we'll.
Holmes. opening his eyes at the same
moment. took in the situation as soon
as 1 did and sprang Immediately TO the
phone, but even as he took down the
receiver the instrument rang of ITSELF
Hello said he. impatientIy.
is this Mr.. Holiness came voice
Yes replied the detective. irritabIy-
Hurry up and get off the wire. L
want to call the police. I've been
robbed.
Yes. L know said the voice. I'm
the thief, Mr.. Holmes. l wanted to tell
you not to worry. Your stun viii be
returned to you as soon as we have
had it photographed for the illustra-
tion of an article in tonights Boston
Gazoozle. 1t viii be on the newsstands
in about an hour Better read it. it's a
eorker and much obliged TO YOU for
the material"
Well. I'll be blanked.N cried Holmes,
the phone receiver dropping from his
nerveless fingers. Il fear, my dear
Watson. that in the language of this
abominable country. I've been st1ns
Two hours later the streets of Bos-
ton were ringing with the cries OF
newsboys selling copies of Tire , O'Clock
extra OF the Evening Gazoozle. con-
tanning most offensive article, with
the following headlines.
Do DETECTIVES DFrE'r:
Gszoozle Reporter, Disguised iiarvara
Professor.
Calls on Shcrlock Holmes. Ess
And Gets Away With Two SuitcaSrs
Full OF the Great Detectives
Personal Effects, While
Dr. Watson's Hero
Tells What He Does Not Know About
PRAGNIATISM
The San Francisco call., 1908-05-31
A pDAGMATC ENIGMA CHAPTER FROM
THE FAILURES SHERLOCK HOLMES" 81 CONAN WATSON D.

to explain it you are in a most en-
barrassing position. You must either
keep silent, which is a great trial to a
college professor, especially Harvard
professor, or you must acknowledge
that you cannot eNplain-a dreadful al
ternative.. In that bag you have the
original manuscript OF the book, which
you desire to leave with me in order
that I may read it and if possible de-
feet the thought, tell you what it is,
and thus rid you of Your dilemma.
You are wonderful man, Mr..
Holmes" began our visitor. but if you
will let me-
"one moment, please. said Holmes,
eying the other closely. Let US dcduce
next. if possible, just who YOU are.
First let US admit that YOU are the au-
thor of a recently published btok which
nobody understands. Now what is
that book? 1t cannot be six Months.
by Helenor Quinn. for YOU arc gentle
man, and no gentleman would have
written a book Of that character. More
over, everybody knows just what that
book means. The book we are after IL
one that cannot be understood without
The San Francisco call., 1908-05-31

Fletcher, who says that each mouthful
OF milk should be chewed or insalivatcd
as completely as if it were solid food.
BY public speaking and the distirbu-
tion of literature the 'Fletcherites"
will strive to teach people that they
could subsist, if they would only try
it. on a mere fraction of the food they
now buy.
Something must surely be done, they
say in view of the tremendous increase
in the cost of foods-what could be bet
ter than the cutting down of the daily
rations?
IF YOU have been eating two eggs
for brea akfast,' say the "Fietcherites,' .
begin by eating only one. drink only
one cup of coffee. use only one lump of
sugar-one of everything where you
have hitherto used two or more
whats tho use, they say. '.of
throwing into your system twice as
much fuel as is really needed. especially
as food. like all fuel, has it's proper
tionate amount of ashes to be disposed
of? It's simply wasting energy and
money"
When sufficient number of follow
ers are secured and everything Is fully
will go forth to the faithful to fast
perhaps for week or 10 days, and sim
ultaneously in 10 cities all milk chew
ers' will stop buying.
with such a boycott enforced say
the enthusiastic, the most redoubtabie
corner in provisions, fruits or veget-
ables would be conquered and in spite
OF cold storages. brought to terms
Much stress is laid on the curative
value OF fasting as we'll as upon its
commercial value. No less an author
The San Francisco call., 1908-05-31

forefnger,'' said Holmes. "and also
by the way in which you carry your
umbrella. which You hold as if it were
q pointer with which you were about
to demonstrate something on chart,
for the benefit of a number of football
players taking q four years course in
life at an Institution of learning. More
over. your address is pasted in Your
hat which | have just taken from you
and placed on the table. You have
come to me for assistance. and your
entanglement is purely intellectual.
not spiritual. You have not committed
a crime, nor are you the victim of one
II can tell that by looking at your
eyes. which are red. not from weeping,
but from reading and writing. The
tear ducts have not been used for
years. Hence | judge that you have
written book. and after having pub
lished it, you suddenly discover that
you don't know what it means your
self and inasmuch as the critics over
the country are beginning to ask you
The San Francisco call., 1908-05-31

IoWIY tho beautiful silver moon
rcse over the sleeping city. and as
sac reached a spot high enough to
ees q pretty cooue;tish Nttle
beam through tic foliage which lined
Tic bsaks Of what was once tho He'd
son river man in strange. old fash
ioned apparel stretched himself and
rose from the bushes among which he
had been lying
He came ont Of the bushes and stood
for a moment looking about him. AS
he looked The moon rose higher and
some people passed along the street.
one by one they stopped and gazed at
the man in establishment. But # they
were astonished so was he
Il beg your pardon" he said, -but /
en- not recognize this neighborhood.
yacre arc no high buildings. would
you mind telling me how far I am from
Ninety-second streetg
This is Ninety-second street" said
= sweet young girl. wearing the most
beautiful countensnce Our Hero had
ever seen, even in his drunkest mo-
ments
~But-but~-h stammcred. where
sre the hatser And he looked down
ths street at what appeared to be row
after row OF new art cafes, one story
high.
Flats. Flats cried ali the people in
ansazenent. we don't know what you
mean"
Flats" said Our Hero patiently. ARE
buildings which bekin on earth and
end in heaven, or very near IL. They
contain tier upon tier OF packing cases
for human beings. with special devices
for aiding burglars in their work
live in one"
How interesting" cried the beauti-
4. riI girl. and everybody gathered around
to hear more.
Last night" continued Our Hero. i
was out with the boys and may have
aa1 ono 100 many, or some one may
have aickcd his cigar into my whisky.
Any way. yoke Up just now and found
..s-eif in thai furze bush over there.
don't want TO go to the police station TO
fna my way home, for I've been there
90 often before that I'm afraid / may
nad my way up the river"
River? Riyer?" queried the sweet
voiced young thing Where have /
hesrd that word before2 ALI. know
in a book happened 10 find; 1t was
called Gazing Behindwards.' ! know
what you are" she continued. -Ton're
one Of those people who go to sleep in
one century and wake UP thousands OF
years after the comet has changed
everything
Really" asked the man eagerly.
Honest nowg No jokins."
The San Francisco call., 1908-05-31

Copyright. 1908. by the New York Her
AID. All rights reservedl
was a drizzly morning in Novcm-
Der. Holmes and I had Just arrived
At Boston, where he was TO lecture
that night on THE Relation of Cigar
stumps 10 Crime before the Brown
ing club OF the Back bay. and he was
plsyfully indUlging in some deductive
pranks at my expense.
You are 2 doctor by profession, with
= slight leaning toward literature" he
observed, rolling up a small pill for his
opium pipe and placing ii in the bowl.
You have just come on a long Journey
over the ocean and have finished up
with a five hour trip on the New York,
New Haven and Hartford railroad. You
were brushed of by Z coiored porter
snd rewarded him with sixpence tax
en- from your right hand vest pocket
before you left the train. You came
from the station in a cab. accompa-
MED by very handsome and famous
Englishman; ate a lunch Of baked
beans and brown bread, opening with
q Martini cocktail. and you are now
wondering which one OF the Boston
newspapers pays the highest rates for
press notices.
Marvellous. -Iarvelous" 1 cried.
How on earth do YOU know all this?"
for il was every bit Of it true.
III is the thing that we see the most
clearly that we perceive The more
quickly mv dear Watson he replied.
with . deprecatory gesture. "To be-
gin with ] know you are a doctor be-
cause I have been a patient Of yours
for many years. That you have an
inclination toward literature is shown
by the fact that the nails on the fingers
Of your right hand are broken Off short
by persistent banging on the keys of
a typeWriting machine. which you car
r. with yon wherever you go and with
which you keep me awake every night,
whether we are at a hotel or trav-
cling on a sleeping car II this were
NOT enough to prove IL ! can clinch
tie fact by calling your attention TO
tie other fact that / pay YOU salary
ID write me up and can produce signed
rcceip pts .on demand
Wonderful, said !; but how did
Ncu know ] had come on a long jour
nl partly by sea and partly by rail
on "a road which you specify
~It is simplicity itself. returned
Holmes wearily. 7 crossed on the
steamer with you. As for the railroad,
the SCOT that still remains in your
The San Francisco call., 1908-05-31

fes the Interpretation of the ordinary
mind hitherto fed on the classic output
OF Hall Caine. Laura Jean Libbey and
Gertrude Atherton2 \ search of the
six best sellers fails TO reveal the an
swer, Therefore the work is not fic-
tion. do not recall seeing it on the
table of the reading room downstairs,
and it is not likely. then. to be statisti-
cal. It was not handed me to read in
the barber shop while having my hair
cut and my chin manicured. from
which | deduce that it is not hunior-
Tt is likely-. then. that it is n volume
ether cf history or philosophy. Now,
in this country today people are too
busy taking care of the large consign-
meEts of history in the making that
come every day from Washington in
the form of newspaper dispatches to
devote any time to the history that
was made in III" past. and it is there
fore not at all probable that YOU
would go to tho expense Of publishing
n book dealing with ii. What. then.
must we conclude? To me it is clear
that you are therefore a man named
James who has written a book on
.
but yourself. ard even your
Say no nore." cried our visitor. ris-
ing and walking excitedIy about the
room. You are the most amazingly
astonishing bit OF stupefying dunn
founderment that I have ever stared
at,'
I'm short. continued Holmes. point
ing his finger sternly at the other. you
arc the man who wrote that airy trifle
called Pragmat;sm.'
There was a silence for a moment
and then the professor spoke up.
Il do not understand it at ALL" he
said.
What pragmatism?7 asked Holmes
with chucklc.
NO. you" returned the professor
coIdly.
"oh. its all simple enough" said
Holmes. You were pointed out to me
in the dining room at luncheon time
by the head waiter. and besides. your
name is painted on the end of your
suit ease. How could your identity es-
cape me-
Nevertheless said the professor
with Z ruzzled look on his face. grant
things SIS TO my name, vocation and so
on. whSt could have given you the idea
that | 90 not myself know what T
meart whe1 | wrote my book? Can
yop evgIain that?"
hat. MY dear professor. is the sim
plest Of my Deductions. said Holmes,
Il have vead the book
Here t;e great man threw himself
back in his chair and closed his eyes
and J. realiziHg that 1 was about to be
a witness OF a memorable adventure,
retired TO an eScritoire over by the win
dow to take down in shorthand what
Holmes said. The professor. on the
other hand was Walking nervously up
and down the room
Well said he. "even il you have
read It. what does that prove?"
Il VIII cell yor,' said Holmes. going
into owe o. his frances. Il read it first
as q MA Should read book. from first
page 20 .ast. and when I got through |
cogld uct fer the life of me detect your
drift. y second reading in the same
way left nc mere nystified than before,
;, decided 10 read it backward. In
verted il was somewhat clarified but
nor convincing SO 1 tried TO read il
standing on ray head. skipping alter
nate pages as T read forward and tax
ing in the omitted ones on the return
The San Francisco call., 1908-05-31

cars and notifies your nose is iden-
teal with that which decorates my
own features. Having got mine or the
New Haven and Hartford. l deduce
that you got yours there also. As for
the colored porter. they have only
colored porters on those trains for the
reason that they show The effects Of
dust and SCOT less than white pcrters
would. That he brushed YOU off is
shown by the streaks OF gray on Your
white vest where his brush left its
marks. over your vest pocket is the
mark OF your thumb, showing that
you reached into that point for the
only bit OF coin you possessed. a six
pence
You are marvel" l murmured
AND the cab?'
The top of your beaver hat is ruff
fed the wrong way. where you rubbed
it on the curtain roller as YOU en-
tered the cab.'' said Holmes. The
handsome and famous Englishman who
accompanied YOU is obvious. I am he,
and am therefore sure of my deduc-
ton.
But the lunch, Holmes. the lunch.
with the beans and The cocktail" I
cried.
can you deny them:" ne demanded.
no. l cannot" replied. for TO
tell the truth his statement OF the
items was absolutely correct. But
hov-. how. ny dear fellow. can you
have deduced a bean: That's. what
stumps me
Holmes laughed.
You are not observant, my dear
Watson" he said. How could / help
knowing when / paid the bill?''
In proof he tossed me the luncheon
check. and there it was itemized in full.
"Aha.- l cried, but how do you
know that | am wondering which one
Of the Boston papers pays the best
rates for press notices.
That said he, lis merely a guess.
my dear Watson. [ don't know it,
but 1 do know you
And this was the man they had said
was losing his powers,
At this moment there came a tiuid
knock on our door.
a would be client. said Holmes.
The timidity of his knock shows that
he is not a reporter. II it were the
chamber maid, knowing that there
were gentlemen in the room. she would
have entered without knocking. He is
a distinguished man, who does not
wish it known that he is calling. for
The San Francisco call., 1908-05-31

the assistance Of. a master like myself.
Who writes such books? You may
safely assert that the only books that
nobody can unders; ;and these days are
written by one James-Henry James.
SO far SO good. But you are not
Henry James, for Henry James is now
in London translating his former works
into Esperanto. Now. a man cannot
be in London and in Boston az one and
the same time. What is the inevitable
conclusion? You must be some other
James,
The hand of our visitor trembled
slightly as the marvellous deduclive
powers of Holmes unioided themselves.
.Mummarvcllulous. ne stammered.
Now, what James can you be II you
are not Henry said Holmes. and
what book have YOU written that de-
The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1908-12-17

John Nets, who has been in
Arkansas, was here Saturday.
The Courier and the weekly Com
mercial-Appeal one year for Sl.2S.
Don't fail to get your share of
the bargains at Naifeh Bros. big
Christmas sale.
See cur line Of Ladies and Gents
Christmas Handkerchiefs. -Baltzer
& Dodds d. G.. Co.
The best coffee in the world for
zoe pound. We can prove it,
Bettersworth & FARTHER.
James O'Hearn, editor Of Peoria,
H., asked the County Judge to
commit him to an insane asylum,
saying that unless he was locked up
he would kill an attorney and then
commit suicide. His request was
complied with.
The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1908-12-17

Buck Eskew, Of Clayton, was here
Saturday.
Miss Lerline Reed, of Fulton is
the GUEST of Miss Mamie Naylor.
LOST-Order book and papers
belonging to Nose Barkett. Re-
turne TO this Office.
H. Z. Curtin, the laundry agent
sends laundry every week. Leave
your laundry at Ellison Bros.
Prices are no objective have
slashed them in order to turn the
goods into cash. Naifeh Bros.
A donation party was given Fri
day night to Rev. and Mrs. W.
Waters at the Parsonage. Re-
ireshments we're served. An enjoy
able time was had by all.
Kentucky coal lands in Pike coun-
ty covering 200 square miles and
worth s2S, 900. 900 will probably be
sold to parties in Philadelphia with
in the next month.
Ed. Colley will preach at Mt,
Hermon next Sunday. This is Bro.
Colley's last appointment for the
year and every member of the con-
gregation is requested 10 be present.
A Hickman girl il has been report.
ed, has made application for Car
negie hero medal. She bases her
claim upon the fact that one evening
recently a young man called upon
her and said he was dying for a kiss
and she saved his life.