davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Detroit times., 1908-07-14
What the Funny Fellows Are Doing

Nonsense! Ignorance OF the law
excuses 40 one. "--Philadelphia Press.
Under Conditions.
DO politicians have old-time relig-
ion?"
They do-ef it's convenient an
they kin git In on it,"-Atlanta Con
stitution.
Back With Interest.
What's TO be done when a child
swallows cent. doctor?"
Make the parents cough up two
dollars !"-Yonkers Statesman.
Particular.
Does misery really love compan-
ionship?"
That depends. | don't think IL
cares for companionship that wants
10 do the talking. louisville Cour-
ier-Journal.
He Got Il.
Guest lin cheap restaurant)-
here. waiter, | though I told you to
bring me strong cup OF coffee.
Waiter-Well, wot's de matter wild
dat cup Youse couldn't break II wild q
ax.--Chicago Daily News.
The Modern phone.
"Hortense, call up Mr. De Millyuns
and ask for Fido."
Yes, me lady"
Carlo wishes to bark TO him over
the telephone. Washington Herald.
The Detroit times., 1908-07-14

in politics in this campaign. 1t re-
mains 10 be seen. for the first time In
presidential campaign, whether the
labor vote" actually will count in the
great result. The representatives OF
the Manufacturers association remind
ed the Republican resolutions com.
mittee OF the failure OF labor TO ac-
complish results on election day. This
challenge seems likely TO be accepted
as boldly as il was made. AT any rate
the lines are so clearly drawn that
for the first time in the history OF
American politics and labor the labor
vote" has the chance and the incentive
TO make good its claims.
The Detroit times., 1908-07-14

Take II TO Denver." was the shout
from delegates In the Republican ma
tional convention here in Chicago IN
response to one proposition after an
other made by Wisconsin's member OF
the resolutions committee and by the
delegate who nominated that state :
favorite son for the presidency.
Belittled as those two speeches were
In many reports of the Chicago con
vention. wisconsin's message" not
only was the greatest surprise OF the
convention but Is proving 10 be per
haps the most significant thing that
happened there. Allowing for every.
thing that may be said TO detract
from 1t. the demonstration which fol
lowed the remarkable utterance of
that message was certainly the most
spontaneous and genuine expression OF
real sentiment that manifested Itself
during that long nominating day
Whatever may be thought about r.
however, II is certainly OF Significant
interest 20 compare and contrast the
Denver and the Chicago platforms to
see what was really taken 10 Den
ver' that as-turned down and out at
Chicago.
"Wisconsin's Message
The points at issue, not only be-
tween the two conventions but also In
the resolutions committee OF each, were
those which related TO industrial and
economic interests The political sig.
niflcance which both the great parties
recognize In these issues surely is
one of the most noteworthy way
marks OF the tendency OF our time.
The greatest problems OF our state
and national legislatures, our courts
OF Justice and our political policies
thus are declared TO be rapidly becom-
ing Industrial and economic in their
nature. The leaders and the plat
forms OF both parties have most en-
phatically acknowledged this TO be the
fact.
However. many OF the demands
made by the representatives OF labor
were denied by the Republicans al
Chicago. the platform carefully reiter'
ated the enactments secured by the
present administration, providing for
EN- ployers' liability. safety appliances,
protection OF railroad engineers and
fremen. reduced hours Of labor for
trainmen and railroad telegraphers,
compensation for injured government
employees, the eight-hour day for gov.
eminent employees. the child-labor
statute of the District of Columbia,
the investigation into condition OF
working women and children and into
mining disasters. Moreover. despite
the protest of representatives OF the
Manufacturers association and many
other interests against any antin-
junction plank. its final formulation
was considerably stronger than the
original draft. In demanding a more
accurate definition by statute or tho
procedure In issuing the writ of In
junction and that notice and a speedy
hearing be given whenever an injunc-
tion or temporary restraining order Is
issued, the plank which was finally
adopted went much farther than was
intended.
This compromise In the resolutions
however. did not end the
struggle. For the convention was
The Detroit times., 1908-07-14

she looked ike WOOD
nymph or like some pretty
little brown gnome princess.
Her dress was a simple little slip OF
brown Holland, she wore broad hat
OF rough brown straw. her brown hair
was caught In a, ripping bronze knot
al the back OF her beautiful little head
and her feet twinkled in and out under
her brown frock. clad in dull tan.
couldn't. keep my eyes from her.
Her teeth were so white and her eyes
were so brown and she laughed such
a ripping girlish laugh that | kept
thinking OF brown forests and sweet
streams of clear and rushing waters.
told all my friends about her
Shes a beauty | said, and 30 sim
pie. and unconscious, I want you all
TO meet her" Yesterday went TO the
park and there at the head OF a
table. as guest OF honor, sat little,
Insignificant. overdressed, overruffled
creature.
Her head was as big as a bushel
basket. Her hair was crimped and
curled and pulled and pompadoured.
till she looked like a Fiji Island head
hunter: her face was blue with pow
der. and her thin little arms emerged
bony and angular from a mess Of
meaningless ruffles.
Her little bit OF face looked thin
and angular and hungry. and. out OF
the mask Of powder her lips shoue
purple.
And yet. this was the same girl |
had been praising everywhere as
great beauty.
The Detroit times., 1908-07-14
The Motor.

Who was by Satan's self Designed.
Who has more whims than wornap-
And never seems TO know her mind?
ky motor.
Who doesn't meet me at the train
EhcIting remarks prpfnGe.
As homo foot IL In the rain?
Ny motor.
Who's always getting out OF whack
Ana makes me work with wrench and
Until my hands an6 face are black?
Ny motor.
who tried to climb a wayside tree
And tumblec backward onto me.
Who broke my arm and sprained my
My motor.
Who pitched me from my seat peii-
NEIL
And rs6unted on me when fell.
So I was weeks IN getting well?
My motor.
Who costs me- more for wear and tear
Than my collapsing purse will bear
Who taught me how to drink anc
swear?
Ny motor.
who IL Il drags me into debt.
And makes me fear the sherifs threat.
who other than my pride, my pet?-
My Rotor.
Puck
The Detroit times., 1908-07-14

Does Seem inadequate.
They say the sun has enough heat
TO last 100000 years"
How long?"
For 100000 years"
Then what's the use OF me taking
two weeks vecation.-Louisville
Courier-Journal.
The Detroit times., 1908-07-14
THE TRUTH
Ne Mater Whsm IL Hsip' or Huvf''

Now that the platforms OF the
two big parties ere before them
for comparison and their con-
siderstion, which way will the
lsboring men Of the country vote
next November
Which platform will appeal to
them with the more force as
promising the more for them'
And having determined which
of these parties through its plat
The Detroit times., 1908-07-14

He other day | met 4 little.
brown, slender slip OF a girl
she looked like wood
nymph or like some pretty
little brown gnome princess.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1908-12-10
The Man Who Failed.

The world honors the general
who, thru long campaign and af-
ter many hard-fought battles,
achieves victories for his side. For
him there are the plaudits of the
people, the golden encomiums
heaped, the song sung and the
coronations Of a great multitude.
The world honors the man who
makes long, strenuous search for
a Livingstone, buried or alive, in
the dark continent, who thru sum-
mer's heat and fever's tread comes
at last to find the man for whom
he has been searching. To him
the world builds monument
when he is dead, school children
revere his memory and a countless
host of people are inspired by his
example.
The world cheers when a brave
"6re daddy" rushes into burning
building and at the risk of his own
life saves from terrible death little
ones or older ones as the case may
be. His name is emblazoned in
the papers, his picture appears
end his name goes on the roll OF
honor and people say, "Behold the
hero"
The world honors Florence
Nightingale who, thru long Cri-
mean war, gives strength, ease and
solace to wounded soldiers and
like veritable angel ministers to
the weak, helpless and dying. A
Clara Barton is honored in Ameri-
ca because Of her famous deeds
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1908-12-10
exactly know then Why I did it.

VAGUELY AuO" snOu -
but I knew her story was worth
something. So I paid her and
asked her 70 keep the change.
And she did. I left her sanctum
half stunned. Had I really been
up to all these tricks she had told
me about? She told her story
with so much convincing candor
and open faced earnestness that l
certainly ought to believe her.
But the queer thing about it all
was that / ought to know some
thing about all the lives and things
l had been thru ought to know
something about it myself. | had
been the great star in the plays,
the great hero of the dramas, the
leading individual on the different
stages and never a bit 1 remem-
Der now of any and all of those
proceedings.
No, friends! I reiterate with
every nerve tense of excitement,
with every grain of unvarnished
truth shaking in protest in the
depths of my very and only soul,
that the whole story regarding re-
incaraations of souls is a delusion
and snare, and I don't want to
have anything to do with it. One
life is, according to my opinion,
enough to pass thru for one indi-
vidual. You can suffer an eterni.
ty of pain and anguish in one
short moment. You can expert
ence and enjoy an eternity of pure
peace and gladness and love, and
hope and JOY in the shortest length
of time. You can lose the equi-
librium of your mind in the wink
ing of an eye and hurl yourself in
to ten thousand hells of suffering
and remorse as result. You can
be reborn in your one and only
earthlife and lift yourself by the
power of gifts, spiritually, men,
tally and even physically, of Him,
who gave you life-lift yourself
from the lowest depths of human
sin and crime and fault and weak
ness to a life of probity, honesty,
virtue and holiness.
IF this is fact as it certainly is
proved to be every day in every
country where the love and truth
of God is known, what need is
there for countless rebirths of the
individual soul? Gentlemen of the
convention, I do not believe that
the Abysinnian dearie told me the
truth; therefore l move that we
consider all tales of the same kind
for Democratic campaign stories
and Republican election tricks.
L. III.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1908-12-10

No man can seek honestly or
hopefully to be delivered from
temptation unless he has himself
honestly and firmly determined to
do the best he can to keep out of
it.-Ruskin.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1908-12-10

dul AoI praises NV uos
rightly. too. because of the splen-
did work she has done.
A pilot brings disabled steam
ship into port. He saves, thru his
strategy in fighting the sea, his
courage in sticking to his post,
the lives of hundred passengers.
His name, like that of John May
nard, goes down in history. His
story will be told among the gen.
erations yet unborn.
All this is we'll! It is right that
heroes should be honored! They
who achieve should be exalted!
For them the garland, the wreath
and the song! That is we'll!
But what of the man who has
tried to do and failed?
You honor the name of Column
bus today, out what of the count
less Raleighs and brakes who
made equally brave attempts to
fathom the unknown and who, be-
cause of the limitations of their
purse, experience or life were un-
able to achieve. They dared their
best, they gave their best. On
their best other men mounted,
and achieved. Tonight let's sing
a song for the man who tried to
do and yet did not achieve
all that he expected or wanted to
achieve.
We honor the girl who rises
from the ranks and makes for her,
self great name as singer, but
what of the girl who is just as
honest, just as sincere, who. be-
cause of the limitations of purse,
experience, or life, is unable to 20
on with her studies and comes
home to fight in other channels
the battle of life! Tonight let's
sing a song for the girl who has
tried and failed, remembering not
what she did, but what she tried
to do.
Success in life is not always to
be Judged by achievement.
They who honestly struggle to-
wards the light, using the privi-
lege, the opportunity they have,
honest in their determinations,
these in the fnality are as success
full as those who have received the
laurel wreath, the bouquet and the
gold medal.
Success consists in living up to
the level of the very best that is in
one, and If ones level does not
reach to the apex of a mountain
that shall be of worldwide obser-
walton, do not, oh, do not throw
the stone or hurl the contumelius
word at the ones who do not rise
to the greater heights, but in their
own way and in their own circle
did the very best that they could.
There are not very many ten
thousand foot mountains on this
continent. There are thousands
of thousand foot hills. Both hill
and mountain are successful If
each does the part in the geogra-
ply of the world that the Eternal
intended they should do. There
are few ten-talent people i'll life;
there are thousands of the one
and two-talent folk. The one and
the two-talent folk are equally as
successful as the ten talent peo-
pie if they do their work to the
level of their best.
Tonight, then, we sing song
for those who tried to- do but fail.
ed. For the vanquished general,
for the explorer who did not come
up to his expectations, to the sing
or whose highest note was only a
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1908-12-10
Musings.

est an article III recent copy OF
The MIRROR bearing upon lein-
oarnation Of souls. [ have read
volumes upon the same subject
before this and always with keen
interest; in fact l have been fasci-
mated, if not wholly bewitched by
the mystical peculiarly of the
idea and everything in connection
with it. II is an alluring nonex-
PLANTATION of the deepest and dark
est problems of the creation, the
deepest questions of the human
soul; it is alluring to degree OF
hypnotic influence on certain
minds because it floats around us
sylph- like in the angelic robe OF
honest truth. l say this not as q
philosopher, not because l can
prove it by exact scientific deduc-
tons and convincing conclusions,
but because l am musing just
now. And I have to say some
thing anyhow.
But I believe earnestly and sim
cerely that the teachings OF the re-
incarnation of souls is great glar-
ing falsehood. No matter how
interesting or fascinating it is to
listen to and reason upon; no mat
ter how conveniently it would
serve as an inspiriting answer to
some of the most perplexing prob
lens of the human mind; if it is
false, deceiving, leading the seek
or after truth astray, it ought to be
unmarked. It has no right what
soever to stalk about like spirit
ual Tammany tiger, seeking whom
it can devour. I for my part pro-
test with all the vehemence and
mental fire of an innocent indi-
vidual to have anything to do with
these rebirths of my soul. Think
of it!
About ten years ago I was sit.
ting in sparely decorated and
furnished ramshack of room in
one of our great cities, listening to
an Abbysinian woman telling me
about a whole barrel, or rather an
ocean of troubles, sufferings, mis-
chiefs, misdeeds, crimes. honors,
princeIy states, royal existences,
valors galore performed as a war
rior, dominions in the worlds of
science and religion, that l SINGLE
handed aud alone have passed
thru. Once / was Pharaoh in
Egypt; once a king in Israel;
then Ra]ah in India; then again
a Pasha in Persia; again a great
Tartar chief in what is now Asiat-
ic Russia; then 1 turned into an
Egyptian Isis priest of great
learning and dominant influence;
after that l went to star gazing in
Thlbet among the all-knowing.
While in that capacity l must
have gone to the bad with a ven-
geance, because my next rebirth
or reincarnation turned me into a
shark devouring cannibal in the
sunlit bays of the South Sea is
lands. I did not like that evil
IDENTIFY, because when l reappear-
ed next time [ was a bowling,
hungry wolf on the Siberian
steppes. In that capacity l ate a
few noblemen and their horses and
made my part of the country pref
ty unsafe to travel in at winter
time. So they hunted me down
and chased me into the abyss of
the unborn souls again.
When [ next reappeared upon
earth, I was sea king among the
Morse vikings, and my life was a
glorious success as far as killing
men, stealing cattle. sacking and
robbing cities, dragging women
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1908-12-10
BY AvlsO.

bly, at the minstrel show.
The local electrician says the
golden haired plumber is a nifty
lad at the business.
The local bookbindtr believes
in absent treatment meals evident
ly. A thimbleful of milk and a
breath of fresh air generally suf-
fee him for supper-but he binds
books like an old master of the
Italian Renaissance. More power
to the milk.
George Sand, the famous French
novelist, was prolific writer in
addition to being a woman of f.
cry passion and many affairs of
affaires de amour-as the
French say. Her letters are now
being printed in the Metropolitan
magazine and make racy reading.
The author of the Whaler sto-
ries is now providing some very
readable stuff about South Africa.
To look upon him one would
scarcely believe that he has been
thru the mill in the manner de.
scrlbed by him-but he has-and
his contributions are we'll worth
while.
Our English cousins now admit
that Samuel F. B. Morse was the
inventor of the telegraph. On the
other hand it is conceded that
Wheatstone, an Englishman, pat
ented a telegraph instrument in
London before Morse did-by a
few months. 1t is universally con-
coded that Morse invented the tel
egraph in 1832-four years before
Wheatstone obtained his patent.
Otto, the book binder, whose
suppers consist of ga eggshell' of
milk and a cipher with the rim
off, has captured two magnificent
bluejays. When asked how he did
it he replied: First of all, 1
sprinkled some salt on their tails" "
Here is Otto's standard Joke:
"What happens when it SHOWS in
Norway" "Give it up" "Why,
it SHOWS, you know" says Otto.
Mr.. Charles Edward Russell,
formerly reporter on the Mime
apolis Tribune has a very inter-
esting article in Human Life for
December. Every inmate ought
to read it. The story is entitled:
zone Woman WHO Has Done a
Great Work. Mrs. Maud Balling-
ton Booth Who Has Relumed in
the Heart of the Jail Blunderer
the Extinguished Light of Hope"
Mr.. Russell relates how Mrs.
Booth has successfully reformed
IS per cent of the ex-convicts who
have come under her charge. Mr..
Russell says it is the most mar
velous achievement of the age. A
letter addressed to Mrs. Maud
BalIington Booth, Volunteers of
America, New York, will reach
her. Write to her the first time
you have an opportunity.
The word billion is now obso-
lete in French numerals. The
French use the words thousand,
million and milliard. A milliard
is thousand millions. The in-
demnity demanded of the French
by Bismarck was five milliards of
francs or one billion dollars in
American money. In addition to
the financial indemnity Bismarck
obtained Alsace- Lorraine, the &C.
coutrements of war of the French
army and the entire navy of
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1908-12-10
SIDE LIGHTS n :; .!;:::

John j. Ingalls, said: States
manship is an iridescent dream
Our local telegrapher is devel-
oping into an orator par excel
lence.
Don't be a mollusc" has sue
ceeded the oldtime aphorism,
"don't be clam"
Solomon said: "There is no.
thing new under the sum-" And
a wise man was King Solomon.
France continues to decrease In
population. They need some an
TRACE suicide dope over there.
Two weeks from today comes
Christmas-lest ye forget And
then a week later New Years day.
The president of the local Chau-
tauqua circle is very happy these
days. His efforts are bearing
fruit.
The boys are now talking OF
putting on vaudeville entertain
ment sometime soon. There seems
to be plenty of talent in "our
midst"
The goIden-haired plumber is
now First Grader. He stepped
high and did lot of hammering
after ne donned his gray suit
but no one blamed him for that.
"The pastry cook here certainly
knows his business" said one OF
the resident boarders. IF he is
not careful some big caravansary
will loco him and carry him of"
Napoleon said: "The people
are peculiar. Today they acclaim
us emperor with Joy and pleasure.
Tomorrow they may laugh at our
discontinue and perhaps-decapi-
tation."
Turkey is being dismembered
since the Young Turks came into
power in the Ottoman empire.
They have been dismembering
turkey over here for several hun
dred years.
"Boys, don't get drunk tomor-
row." said one of the officials the
night before Thanksgiving. "No,"
reioined one of the fellers address
ed, "I'm reserving my toot for the
day I leave these parts"
Zimmerman crossed the Ford
with a Dahl which the Sellers
said would Curry favor with the
friends of the Clark who sold it,
tho the Fine Webb of the infant
made Babe Crowteau.
Those loud outlaws at the min
strel show were emitted by small
chap named Davy. He was the
Big Noise in the audience and
certainly seemed pleased with the
efforts of his Senegambian breth-
rem.
The author of the ST Haskell Sc
ries of stories is now popularity
known as ST. ST has been suffer-
ing from govt, they say, but the
ailment is not contagious. For
that assurance of relief many
thanks.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1908-12-10

"Boys, don't get drunk tomor-
row. said one of the officials the
night before Thanksgiving. "No,"
reioined one of the fellers address
ed, "I'm reserving my toot for the
day leave these parts"
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1908-12-10

Turkey is being dismembered
since the Young Turks came into
power in the Ottoman empire.
They have been dismembering
turkey over here for several hun
dred years.
The Charles Mix new era. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1???-1911, 1908-07-17
H.. :t' l'::' ID; =: Water
WOman's Wit.

An emperor Of Germany besieged q
city which belonged to u Of his re-
bellious noblemen. After the siege had
lasted for a long time the emperor de-
termined to take 1t by storm and to de-
stroy all 1t contained by fire and sword.
He did not, however, wish to injure
the defenseless women; therefore, he
e n a proclamation into the town, say.
ing that all the women might leave
the place unhurt and carry with them
whatever they held most precious. The
nobleman's wife instantly decided to
take her husband, and the other women
followed her example. They soon Is
sued from the city gate in a long pro-
c~ession. each one with her husband on
her shoulders. The emperor was so
much struck with the noble conduct of
the women that he spared all !; even the
city itself was left untouched.
The Charles Mix new era. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1???-1911, 1908-07-17

They were like fairy heimcts-iittie
wire helmets no bigger than = walnut
They are rooster niuxxles." said ths
city farmer. as he led the way past thu
pea beds on the window klilA the po-
tato fie.d on the back porch. and the
iourishing mushroom crop under tn
clubhouse.
Rooster muxzies."
Even 20. Muxxies not to prevent
ROSTERS from blting--for even The
gamest fowl has never been known "a
snap-but to prevent them from crow
ing. Sec here"
They had reached the tiny chicken
run. The city farmer caught . roastse
and gently clipped = muzsis over it1
nercs head "Now." said be. *if can't
crow. II can't wake ths neighbors
with IT. crows at daybreak- Hence,
thanks 10 this muzle, Il b 1t last
possible 70 keep chickens In the most
crowded city quarters. Harriaon weiE
invented the rooster mu1xls. A rooster.
to crow. you -. Stands erect. napa
hin wings throws back his head, and
opens his beak wide. II - cart open
his beak no o can come from hid
little rcd throat-"-Chicago Inter
Ocean