The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1908-08-05


On the other end of the bench squatted
Bige Ellet. bachelor, fat legs spraddled
out, pudgy feet just touching the
ground, black pipe in mouth.
Some folks can do a thunderin' lot
of thinkin' not to amount to much In
this world, seems to me-" said Abner.
"Meanin'% said Bige.
'Meanin'," replied Abner, peeling
long shaving off the shingle, 'some
folks can sit around for an hour sun
MIN themselves and never say word
to show their sociabiliY."
"Waal," drawied Bige, putting Wig
orously. II was thinkin' what an all
fired good thing 1t is that Saloam Cen
ter has so many baldheaded old wild
erers struttin' around like peacocks In
peach orchard"
I''Why?' asked Abner, squirting a,
Bige.
"'Cause town would be fuller of old
maids and widders than the Sahary
desert is Of sand burs."
Abner fell 20 whiting the single
spitefully. 81 reckon" he unused, shat
it just isn't right to fly In the face of
Providence, and If the good Lord had
ever intended Bige Ellet for Romeo
he'd "a made him a leetle more hand
some and trtfie less hippypotamous."
Maybe I'm hippypotamus," said
B1ge calmly, ''or alligator or a 'noso-
ross but l amt losin' no sleep yearnin'
for a postgraduate course In matri-
mony"
"By jingo!" cried Abner. leaping to
his feet and shaking his fist Don't
taunt me, Bige Ellet; don't ye do it!''
"Ain't goin' to taunt ye, but If you
don't keep out of my way I'll step ON
We. and I've seen a moon fore now
that didn't have nothin' left to it but
rim"
you're a ccnsarned old blow pout!"
stormed Abner. You're a jealous old
jessecat! You know / courted Sereny
Simkins fore you did. and you think
you can cut me- out, but We can't do it."
For moment he gyrated up and
down IN front of the sneering Bige,
then darted up the street. Bige sat
on the bench and watched him until
he disappeared in the distance. Then
he arose slo~s'r, and brushed his clothes
witt l,;s bluddnna handkerchief
Cant, eh?" he soliloquiZed, glancing
In the direction whence Abner had
fed. Cant. eh? Reckon I'll just
wander down that way and see"
Miss Simktns was out by the willow
hedge gathering green brush In
clothes basket when Abner came shut
fling along the road. He was trem-
bling with Indignation and fatigue and
sat down on the well curb to rest.
But he hadn't been there ten minutes
when he saw Bige Ellet, putting like
freight train on a steep grade, steer
ing for Miss Simkins' modest abode.
"Jumpin' Jerichot' he cried, gazing
erantically about for some avenue Of
escape.
Already the front gate was blocked
by the bachelors pompous form. In
the rear Miss Simkins was coming up
the path. So with the agility Of a
squirrel he darted into the smoke
house, climbed a ladder and squatted
silently amid the gloomy rafters. from
which dangled numerous uncured hams
and pieces Of side meat.
Straight to the open door came
Bige, then paused and removed his
hat as Miss Simkins approached
why, how dye dor he began, bow
ing effusively.
"Oh, Mr.. E1let," replied Miss Sim
kins, I'm so glad you came. 1 need
somebody to help me smoke that meat"
'Why, certainly. num-" said Bige,
his rotuDd face turning scarlet with
pleasure.
He took the basket from her and
Jumped its contents upon pile of
leaves on the middle of the smoke
house floor, then struck a match and
touched it to the leaves.
"Oh, Lord! groaned Abner from his
elevated perch as a thin cloud Of
smoke began rising. 81 wish a cyclone
would come along. I wish the town
would catch fire. I wish somethin'
would happen to make 'em go away.
don't know what I am goin' to do"
cit is certainly very kind Of you.
Abijah," said Miss Simkins. blushing.
a lone woman has hard time try
ing to get along" She sighed efec-
lively.
"Must have a thunderin' hard time
10 want to marry a widderer with six
.hildren," said Bige dryiy.
A great cloud Of smoke was rising
rom the fire. Abner was nearly chok-
I'd and was rolling his eyes desperate
Y to keep from sneezing. The tears
we're running down his cheeks In
Streams.
"Why, Mr.. Ellet," began Miss Sim
tins amazedly, what do you mean 2"
Heard that you were goiH to
marry that old idjit Of an Abner
Noon" came Biges complaining voice.
Then the door closed with a bang, and
/ bolt few into place
Miss Sfmkins sat down on the door