The Oskaloosa herald. (Oskaloosa, Mahaska County, Iowa) 1885-1919, 1908-07-09
Hickory HoIIer News.

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Hickory HoIler News.
Old Dad Ricketts,, who is so tight
with his money that he won't even
wear a paper collar on Sunday becus
1t costs more'n celluloid, which kin be
washed, got TUX in for $500 by a
Minneapolis wilder who promised t.
marry tim-until she got the $500.
TIL kind O. heart disease tibet Old Dad
hez got now over tn loss of his money
is tn only kind o. heart affection
knowed t be fatal, an Dad amt no
better'n could be expected at this
writin'.
4 & 4
Aunt Ann higgins hez got sum new
store hair that is causin' considerable
qui vive among tn feminine portion of
this beautiful gem of the Cedar Aunt
Ann seq as soon as Uncle Ezra gifts
so he kin do a neater job O. tyin' on,
nobody won't know it frum her own
material born hair.
Z 4 4
Squire Hicksor who put away his
wife a few years ago t. marry his
SlcuOSl dllhllg,
Chicago Sum folks seq he will now
git his punishment, but as nigh as l
kin find out frum hearing about her
an seem her once, tn squire heZ had
punishment sufficient an hez now got
his release. TIL only thing tibet puz-
zles me is If Hickson goes t. Heaven.
won't he be mighty embarrassed at
meetin' his first wife there? ,,,...
4 4 4
Sum bastard bruk intew Hi. Bling
hams garden patch tother night an
ct up half his onions. Hi lays it onto
sum of them city boarders over t
Lakeville. He seq nobody but a
seeker after tn simple life would eat
so gol darn many onions in one night.
Them simple life folks is allus over
dom things.
4 4 4
If the party who took the ice cream
off the porch at the sociable tother
night does not walk up tew tn cap
tain's office and remit, his name will
be printed in full in this paper.
= 4 4
Unknown parties stole a jug of
liquor from Wickson's storehouse last
night This morning Pete Bough,
man was fuller'n a goat. Mayor Bort
seq tibet while tn evidence is purely
circumstantial, so t. speak, he put
Pete in tn jug fer stealth a jug.
That's right, Mr.. Mayor, one jug de.
serves another (iug.) Ha ha!
y = -
The names of all arrearages to this
paper will be printed in full next week.
We can't pay paper bills with taffy
no longer. We mean bizness!
The Electric Fan.
What merry. merry buzzing has the
cool electric fan
As you punch the old typewriter in the
! wild poetic scan.
How It blows upon your temples and dis
pels the heated sway.
AS II whirls in merry motion through the
torrid hours of day!
What an awful, awful faintness comes
upon you as you sit
And peruse a dvnning letter that advises:
'Please remit"
Once again you feel decided that you've
been trihe skinned
And you realize, as ever. it comes high
to raise the wind!
Q @ o
| Candidate fer Sill Club.
Since making a recent visit to Mis-
souri,, ! have decided to join the "Bill
| Club" Technically, no man whose
front name is not William" can join
this recherche organization. The fact
that my last name Is Williams, how
ever, ought to give me at least two
memberships in the bin" class. II
William is one BILL" Williams ought
TO be at least two bills" On second
thought. think I'll be president and
treasurer. Howdy. Bill?
@ o @
On the Wing.
Every time a man loses a combful
of hair, he edges up one seat nearer
to the front OF the stage.
The man who is sincere, Is earnest.
The man who is earnest without sin
| certify, seldom conyinces his customer.
| q Il Il
The man who builds his fame upon
the ruins of nnother's name will find
the foundation Of his success future
source of worry and danger Ruins OF
whatsoever character are never safe
for the superstructure of another edi-
flee.
| Rs-.Ma4.=44