davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1908-03-28
! Wit of the Youngsters 1

Maggie visited the zoo in the park.
Seeing a spotted leopard there she
cried out: '.Oh, he's got the biggest
measles ever saw"
Mrs. Neighbors-It's too bad of you,
Mildred, to worry your mamma so.
Little Mildred-Huh you don't know
mamma She worries me more than I
worry her.
Little Fred-What did mamma mean
when she said that Mrs. Nextdoor was
quaint" Little Myra-I guess she
meant she didn't want to express her
real opinion Of her.
Small Sylvi-Did you ask papa why
the pen is said to be mightier than the
sword? Little Gregory-Yes. He said
checks with a sword.
Little Ethel docking at picture
book ELMER, where do you s'pose
Adam got the names for all the ami
mails? Small Elmer-Why, from the
dictionary, of course.
Anxious Mother-Bobby, you must
remember to use your right hand more
l don't want you to boone left-handed.
BObby-Why, mamma, some Of the best
pitchers in the league are southpaws.
Mother-Why, Elsie, you don't mea
to tell me you took second piece of
cake at Mrs. Neighbours? Little Elsie
Yes, mamma. l wanted to show
them that was used to having enough
to eat at home.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1908-03-28
"Deaf Mutes" Talk.

1t is misnomer to refer to any one
as deaf and dumb" Except in rare
instances child is mute, not on ac
count Of any malformation of the vocal
organs, but because it is deaf and has
never heard spoken language.
The loss Of the sense of hearing
should therefore not necessarily mean
deprivation of the power Of speech also
It is only within recent years. saws
the Scientific American, that we have
come to realize this fact, and in up-to.
date institutions the old-fashioned An
ger alphabet is now unknown. Every
child is taught to speak in the natural
way by means Of the vocal organs.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1908-03-28

Now" said the physician, you will
have to eat plain food and not stay out
late at night" "Yes," replied the pa
tient, that is what l have been think
Ing ever since you sent in your BILL
The Catholic News.
Literature is very trying, isn't it?'
said one woman. Yes" answered the
other. IF your book doesn't sell, you
are disappointed. and If it does it has
to be so shocking that you are embar-
raised. Washington Herald.
Your son." said the professor, "has
been laboring under a misapprehen-
sion." WHAT" exclaimed the humble
but honest parent, with joy in his voice.
"Ye don't mean it," MEAN what?'
THAT Josiar has been workin'."
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1908-03-28
FATE OF A PRovIHCR.

S0mefimes Depends On How the Che
nese Empress Has Been Roused.
The Empress Of China is rOuged ev-
cry morning regularly after breakfast
until her cheeks flame delicately against
the creamy composition with which the
rest Of her face has been coated. A
huge mirror is then rolled to the couch
upon which the source Of all power In
China reclines. Isl Hsu studies the ef-
fects of the labors Of her young ladies
50 critically that it is said to be neces-
sary occasionally to rouge her twice or
thrice before the technic Of the opera
ton quite realizes the imperial ideal
The monotony is made less tedious by
song, the narration of court gossip and
not infrequent application Of her ma
jesty's rattan cane to sensitive sur
faces.
BY the time the last dash Of carmine
in the cupid's bow of her majesty's
upper lip has been made appropriate to
the charm of woman at 40. the eunuchs
have begun to admit the throngs into
the hall of audience. They comprise
usually the privileged ones Of the court
of Pekin-a viceroy or two in favor.
supporters of the four candidates for
the post of heir apparent and some
member of the diplomatic corps bearing
personal message from his sovereign.
The progress of the imperial toilet is
bulletined by the eunuchs. The fate OF
a decree abolishing the opium traffic
or the PRONUNCIATION of an edict for
which a whole province is signing may
depend upon the skill of the young
lady with the rouge brush. Once the
wig is adjusted and the Empress has
passed into the hall Of audience-nOt
to be confused with the grand apart
ment in which the diplomatic corps is
officially welcomed-the serious bust
ness of Isl Hsu's day commences. It
may be summed up in the word evasion.
So dexterous has the aged woman be-
come in the art to which her life has
been given that it Is saying in some
parts Of Pekin that she has ceased to
live, but is evading death.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1908-03-28
E<~less Gfnxerbread.

One cup molasses or strip. Flour
sifted and added to the mOlasSes until
It Is as stiff as can be stirred. Add two
large tablespoonfuls of fresh sweet lard
melted, and one cup boiling water, in
which Is dissolved three teasp0onfuls
baking soda. Flavor with spice or gin
ger to suit taste and bake in slow
oven In any desired form or pan. II
takes about an hours baking. The adj
dition Of seeded raisins-a cupful-
with spices, makes it almost as good
as fruit cake.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1908-03-28
HER SATURDAY LETTER.



The pretty school teacher of a small
town not long ago became aware, as she
walked along the main street from the
postoffice, where she. had just mailed a
letter to her fiance, of some one follow
Ing her and calling her name. She
turned, and confronted the fat post
master, bareheaded and alphabetically
crimson, putting toward her with some
thing clutched In his outstretched hand.
i been chasing We most two blocks -
ne painted. Couldn't make We hear,
someways. Here's this letter you just
posted hasn't got his name on, see?
Well, she must be deep in,' says I
to Sam Duckett. This is the second
times he's been too mazed to put the
address on when she wrote to him.
Sure it's him.? says Sam.
Course I am says l. He's the
only one she writes to reg'lar, Sat'days.
Her home folks get their letter writ
Sundays, and she mails it Monday
morning on the way to school. Course
it's him.
tbs, amt 1t, ma'am? Well, 50 l
told Sam, and I'd ha' saved all this
bother and addressed it for We only for
remembering that with scarlet fever
and measles prevailing like they be just
now, strange hand might give the
pore Teller start. So I follered We
instead. Ny, but you're brisk goer /!
Thought I'd never catch ye.'"
Pm very much obliged, I'm sure,
and 1t was very careless of me, in
Decd" said the girl, handing back the
letter addressed. But you say I've
made this same mistake before. What
became of my letter then?'
'Oh, there want any epidemics
round then," replied the postmaster,
easily. Il just put on the address my
self"
"But-to whom? How could you know
whom it was for?" she asked, little
startled.
"Sat'd'y noon, same's this one," he
replied, cheerfully. ut always is him
Sat'd'ys, now, amt it?"
The pretty teachers eyes flashed
wide, then she dimpled, blushed and
laughed. 1t was not possible to snub
this elderly fat Cupid, so openly and
lnnocently interested in her love affairs.
"Yes," she admitted, proudly, "Sat-
urdays it always is him. Thank you. "
OILY oNE .:B1o190 ouN1ME."
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1908-03-28

Towne-There was a spelling bee
down at our church the other night.
The. pastor gave out the words. Did
you hear about It? Browne-No; was
1t interesting? Towne-Rather. The
first three words he gave out were 'sin-
crease" pastor" 'salary."-Philadel-
phia Press
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1908-03-28

you're rather young man to be
left In charge Of a drug store,' said
the fussy old gentleman. "Have you a
diplomat "Why-er-no, SIR" replied
the drug clerk, "but We have q prep
aration OF our own that's just as good"
Press.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1908-03-28

Wife-I came across a bundle Of your
old love letters to-day. Husband-Did
you read them over? Wife-Yes. Hus-
band-And what was the effect of that
perusal? Wife, wondered which was
the bigger fool-you for writing them
or l for marrying you after receiving
them.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1908-03-28

A rich man Of Florida has willed
$4,000 to a pretty nurse who was kind
to him when he was Ill. The strange
part Of it is that he was bachelor and
might have married her.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1908-03-28
Devils Food.

One cup of sugar and half-cup OF
butter, creamed; two eggs. well beat
en-; one cup of grated chocolate. Pour
one-half cup of boiling water on the
chocolate and let it stand until cool,
add half-cup Of sour milk, the sugar
and butter and eggs, teaspOonful of
soda dissolved in tablespoonful of
boiling water, two cups of -four and
vanilla to taste. Mix well and bake
In q loaf tin.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1908-03-28

Buncum-I see by the papers that
you have made an assignment for the
benefit of your creditors? Skinner
Yes; my affairs are in bad shape. I
won't be able to pay 10 cents on the
dollar. Buncum-You're a lucky dog.
Why, when failed two years ago
had so much property left that / had
to pay 80 cents on the Chicago
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1908-03-28
STATE OF OHIO. CITY OF TOLEDO, I
VYrA CnTYNTY

STATE OF OHlOs CITH OF 1OA&OOs I N
LUCAS COUNTY,
FRANK J. CHENEY makes oath that he II
senior partner of the ffm OF +. J. CHENEY 4
~ and State aforesaid and that said firm will
pay the sum of ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS for
sach and every case of CArARRH that cannot be
cured by the use Of HALLs CkTARRH CURE.
FRANK. CHENEY.
Sworn to before me and subscribed In my
presence, this 9Th day Of December,. A. D., 1886.
A. w. GLEASON,
|sr4r} Notary Public
Halls Catarrh Cure il taken internally, and
acts directly on the blood and mucous surfaces
Of the system. Send Ter testimonials, free.
F. J. CHENEY Il CO., Toledo, o.
Eold by Druggists, 75c.
Halls Family Pills are the best.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1908-03-28

PILES CuDBD M TO u DAYS.
PAZO OINTMENT is guaranteed to cure
any case Of Itching, Blind, Bleeding or
Protruding Piles in to II days or
money refunded. SOC.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1908-03-28
OLD SORES k zFPe ospa
RY-N1pCRITIES NTHE-BIOOD

Whenever refuses heal It because the blood
healthy should infected with poisonous Old
osd which polluted the circulation Aest
afflicted with old who have reached Or passed rid
vitality the blood and strength the naeuray
to decline and the poisonous have D.ss
which has hitherto held in check force outlet the
other Of the body The place rcd and 40
into until chronic ard stubborn
.le fed viii which the blood sau1at
fact that resists ordinary remedies and
tr Suspicion the producing ucs : back
cd and especially IS this II the trouble m inherited
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1908-03-28

Even with his experience seIf-made
man sometimes finds It difficult to make
true friends.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1908-03-28

ILL permanently cured by DR.. Kline's Great
Nerve Restorer Send for FREE$2 trial bottle and
treatise DR. Kline Id. ,931Arch St.. Phfla, Pa.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1908-03-28

"A girl who cannot cook should not
marry" There is timely reason for
being only "a brother" to 'em.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1908-03-28

Al man are born free and unequsL
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1908-03-28

ONLY ONE sB1O1EO QUINxME."
That is LAXATIVE BROMO QUININE
Lock for the signature Of e. w. GROVE.
Used the World over to Cure Cold In
(lnA DaY. PIC
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-09
FEAST OF MUSIC
 TO BE BIG EVENT
iNNES' BAND AND GREAT SOLO ARTISTS COME WEDNESDAY,. LOCAL cHoRUsEs TO BE AMONG THE FEATURES.

The great music festival takes place at the Jefferson theatre next week. 1t opens Wednesday night and there will be three night performances and two matinees. Innes' farmous or chestral band will furnish the instru- mental music and with the band come five high class vocal artists. A large local chorus for the festival is being trained by Philip Memoli and in addi- tion to these singers a children's cho- rus of 200 voices trained by Miss Lita Kits will be charming feature.
 Tickets will be on sale at the Jeffer- son Monday morning. Popular prices will prevail-s1. 75 cents and 25 cents. The best reserved seats will be only $l.
 Many out-of-town orders for tick cts have been received and it is believed that the. entire house for each per- formance will be sold before wednes- day.
 lnnes' programmes are artistic but are neither severe nor heavy and will appeal to all lovers of music.
 There will be full rehearsal of the chorus Monday night and again Tues- day night. The chorus pieces are short and the first nights programme will be made up largely of orchestral and solo numbers.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-09
Mrs. Elsie E. Black.

Mrs. Elsie E. Black, age 26 years, wife of Dr. w. F. Black, died yesterday morn ing at the corner of Avenue G and Twen- ty-sevcnth street Mrs. Black is survived by her husband and 2-year-old son, Wil- liam Frederick Black.
 The remains were removed to the resi- dence of l.. B. Shelton, 1724 South Tenth avenue, where services will be held thls afternoon at 2 O clock. The Rev. Dr. l. D. Steele, pastor of the Cumberland Presby terlan church. U. s. A., will officiate, and interment will be at 'Woodlawn cenle- tery.
 Mrs. Black will be remembered as Miss Elsie Drake. She was born at Columbus, Ga, and was granddaughter of Judge l. C. Brooks and daughter of Mrs. Mat tie b. Drake. She Is survived by a brother James R. Kelly and two sisters, Mrs. Wallace M. Peterson and Miss Sadie Drake, in addition to her husband and child
 The active pallbearers will be Gus Lee, James E. Strong. J. D. Smith, Charles Mccormack, George Edwards, J. H. Adams. Honorary pallbearers will be R. M. Mabry, Dr. R. A. Thaggard, T. F. West, Col. L. w. Johns, B. F. Tyler and J. B. Smiling.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-09
PASTORS ASSIGNED
 FOR FOURTH WEEK
Many Ministers of Baptist Dencrina- ton Will Be Out of the City
 Next Week.

Plans for the fourth week of the pas ally given below. The committee is se- riousiy hampered by the incidence of the Southern Baptist convention this coming week, and the consequent absence from the city of most of the pastors of that denomination. The assignments for the week are:
 District l, First Christian church, the Rev. R. T. Tyler
 District 2, Wesley chapel. second week, the Rev. J. A. Bowen.
 District 8, Trinity M. E., the Rev. s. J. Foster.
 District 4, Second Presbyterian, the Rev. J. A. Bryan.
 District s, West End Presbyterian, sec ond week, the Rev. w. W. Dorman.
 District g, Avondale M E., the Rev. F. Marston.
 District 12 North Birmingham, to be an nounced.
 District 1s, St. Pauls M. E.. the Rev H. c. Kegley.
 District IA, East Birmingham M. E., the Rev. J. O. Colley.
 Noon service First Presbyterian, the Rev. A. R. Moore.
 Tent meetings on First avenue are to be continued, and a full meeting of the pastors will be held Monday at 10 a. m. at the First M. E. church.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-09
Prosperity Association
 Is Launched M g. Louis

A great national movement for pros perity originating in St. Louis being spread by the railroads into every corner of the land, reached Birmingham recently It is represented in clear cut, prosperity talk, which is a good prescription for the blues. Here is the letter of President Davidson of the Frisco, followed by the circular of the national organization; To Frisco Employees:
 To a great extent the welfare of the Frisco is in your hands. The manage ment is as anxious as you to keep the dinner pail full; the pay car going; all on full time; to re-employ those who have been let out temporarily.
 Business men report a decided improve ment in the commercial conditions in April. All agree that a large proportion of the depression was due to talk
 Therefore, if all the Frisco employees get into the sunshine with thousands of other workinsmen who have joined tn National Prosperity association, and throw away their blue glasses it will only be a matter of days before full day for all conditions will be resumed.
 Talk think and act prosperity and send to our general offices all the good news you hear. The National Prosperity asso- citation will convert it into sunshine to tighten up the dark places
 A. J. DAVIDSON, President. To Business interests:
 The purposes of the National Prosperity association of St. Louis are:
 To keep the dinner pal full.
 To keep the pay ear going.
 To keep the factory busy.
 To keep the workmen employed.
 To keep the present wages up.
 Some of us have discovered that our business showed a profit in April Our business was not profitable for three months before April We came together informally, and compared notes. The sit uation in St. Louis was better than We had thought. We asked representatives of different lines of trade to meet with us, and enlarged the investigation. Much evidence of restored confidence and re- turning prosperity was offered. We felt that this community ought to be fully informed that the encouragement should be extended beyond St. Louis.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-09

The organization of the National Pros perity association of St. Louis followed. The association has nothing to do with the past. It looks forward. It is not political. It has platform The two blanks are. a square deal and a square meal for every man.
 There is nothing fundamentally wrong with the business situation. The fIian- cal clouds have rolled by. The crop prospects-that basis of all things for all of us-are exceptionally good. We believe we can get back to normal con ditions quickly, if we will We do not see why we should wait for the closing months of 1908 or for the spring of 1909 We have passed the low level. The com mercal sun is shining. This is the bus mess May Day The time for this move ment is ripe now. It was not ripe be- fore. The National Prosperity associa- ton of St Louis has definite plans to expedite it's purposes. To carry out these plans it will ask the cooperation of every newspaper, every business. indus trial and labor organization in St. Louis
 The St Louis movement may spread to
 
 prosperity we promote is national No city or town can monopolize good thing in business We prosper we stagnate, we recede, we grow, all together. That IS the lesson of the six months which endel last night We invite every business man to talk the gospel of good cheer.
 The plans and methods of the National Prosperity association of St. Louis are available to any business organization or individual anywhere. Our association will welcome any helpful suggestion to increase it's efficiency.
 We are confident that if the business men of the United States join in the St. Louis movement, prosperity will be at full tide before the end of the year; that 1909 will be the best business year our country has known.
 Instead of waiting for something to turn up we will turn up something and do it quick.
 THE NATIONAL PROSPERITY ASSO-
 CLAYTON OF ST. LOUIS,
 By E. c. SIMMONS, Chairman of the
 Executive Committee.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-09
ALL PLANS COMPLETED
 FOR JEFFERSON HIGHWAY

Assistant Government Engineer Hei- del, who has been in Birmingham for several weeks with the idea of further ing the good roads movement, left the city yesterday for Washington. He will remain in Washington for two weeks, returning to Birmingham about May 23.
 Before leaving Birmingham MT. Hei- del completed all of his plans and spec ifications for the boulevard from Bir- mingham to Ensley and has placed them in the hands of County Engineer P. s. Milner. The new boulevard has been surveyed and the cross sections made, thus leaving everything in read mess for a start.
 Job Going of the Board of Revenue stated yesterday afternoon that with MT. Heidel's return to Birmingham two
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-09
EAST LAKE OPENS
 FOR THE SEASON
Cool Weather Kept Many Away, But Aii Attractions Were Going
 Full Blast.

East Lake Amusement park opened to the public yesterday afternoon under the management of R. D. Burnett While the weather was not propitious, every attrac- tion was going full blast, and good crowds attended, remaining late into the night
 Carl Philemon, the park manager, who has been recently secured by the manage ment, has everything running smoothly skating rink with fine music, roller coast CT, moving picture shows, swing and many other fine attractions gave cour- teous attention and service to the public.
 At o'clock the famous balloonist, Ed R. Hutchinson, made an ascension of several thousand feet. His act is one of most remarkable, including a drop from a cannon and three parachutes. When the winds are not high this will present one of the wonders never before witnessed in Birmingham.
 At 10 o'clock the lake was lighted with a beautiful fireworks display. Floats have been erected in the middle of the lake and an elaborate display was pulled off exactly on time.
 These attractions will continue all week. MT. Philemon has scheduled many fine outdoor free shows for every week this summer, including some of the most recent acrobatic, automobile high dives, difficult loop-the-loops and other novel; ties never seen here.
 The experience of MT. Philemon is said to be a good guarantee for the quality of these attractions. He is an Austrian, the only son of Hermann the Great and a magician himself of some note. He was educated as model artist and has done fine work in this line
 Meantime the work on the s1s,0O0 shoot the-chutes is progressing, and the scenic railway is rising rapidly. One unique feature which will soon be ready for the public is squadron of miniature war ships which will engage in sham battles in the middle of the lake at night. The Casino is being remodeled for summer shows. Children are admitted to the park free If under 10 years.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-09
GOVERN MENT BUYS
 IRON FOR PANAMA
THE CONTRACT FOR 750 TONS IS AWARDED TO THE ALABAMA CONSOLIDATED Co.-MARkET IS MORE ACTIVE THAN LAST WEEK

The pig iron market is more active this week than it was a week ago. but there is still room for improvement.
 The Alabama Consolidated received an award from the government yesterday for 75O tons of it's high grade Clifton" brand to be used in Panama The contract was open to competitive bids and the officials of the Alabama Consolidated were natur- ally much pleased at Handing" the con- tract. The government will send an in srector to the company's plant at Irona- ton, where the iron is made. He will make the usual tests and superintend the shipping. The iron will be sent to Mobile and will be transported by ship from that port to Panama.
 Matthew, Addy & Co.'S Cincinnati report of yesterdays date says:
 Tn spite of the fact that we have distinctively waiting market great deal more iron has been bought this week than for some time past. Several large orders for prompt shipment have been placed by various pipe foundries and open hearth steel makers, which is the main cause of the increased tonnage. Then there has been some scattering purchasing by con sumers who simply could not wait any longer In fact some of them put off buying until they were absolutely out of metal, and they have been disappointed in that delivery could not be made by express, rather than slow freight. The bane of the market just now is the idea so many consumers entertain that present. ly some of the large interests in the country, instead of trying to hold and steady the market, will assume exactly the opposite tactics and smash prices to smithereens in an endeavor to bring their competitors into line. Apparently nine consumers out of 10 are full of this idea, and of course, when a buyer of iron feels certain that before long the largest sustaining force In the market will com n,ence to smash things naturally he will buy iron only as he needs 1t. So the de- velonment of the pig iron market depends