The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1908-01-03
The Girl Won, Of Course, But
Not by Argument

swamp.
I'D like to know why not!
1T stands TO reason. OF course, Old
Bob makes a loud noise when he
chirps his horse; Wen all admit that;
but when an Old cow pulls her foot out
of a swamp it just naturally stands to
reason that she can make more noise
than ever Old Bob could"
mo, Herbert"
Yes, Gertrude.t'
No, Herbert"
Yes, Gertrude."'
mo"
Eyes"
''No"
Eyes"
Herbert Knight. Just want you to
understand that you don't necessarily
know it all, even if you have been to
college, and | just want to tell you
again that if Old Bob was chipping his
horse at the same time that the old
COW was pulling her foot out of the
swamp, why, you just wouldn't be able
to hear the old cow-that's ALL"
But, my dear girl"
Don't you call me your dear girl"
But, Gertrude! Listen! Listen TO
reason! l love You dearly, but let the
basis of our love be reason! That is
the only enduring love! Now, when
Old Bob chirps his horse, how does
he make the sound With his lips?
Very well, now let us say that Old
Bob's mouth is three inches wide.
Let us even say it is four, and that
when he chirps he presses his lips
together until the surface of contact
is four inches by one inch-a total of
four square inches. Now, on the other
hand, here's the COW"
II just don't care! When Old Bob
chirps his horse"
Just one moment please. Now
here's the COW and well say that her
hoOf is three inches in diameter or,
say, nine inches in circumference.
Let us also say that 1t is three inches
high, so when her foot is in the swamp
there is a total contact surface of 81
square inches as against Old Bob's
four"
That makes no difference When
Old Bob chirps his horse you can"
"Of course it makes a difference
And when you take into consideration
the fact that the COW has so much
more strength than Bob, and that her
foot is of such shape that it lends it.
self most peculiarly and particularly
to the production of a loud, chirping
sound, why, then, my dear"
Don't you call me your dear!"
But, Gertrude, your stand is so
ridiculous"
She looked at him with a face like
ice.
For the last time" she coldly cried,
Il say that it sounded like Old Bob
when he chirps his horse!"
He gazed back at her like a man who
is being sorely tried. but who will die
for his convictions.
And | say" he as coldly answered,
that it sounded like an old COW pull
ing her foot out of swamp"
II warn you now" she cautioned
him, and with the air of one who fires
last shot over an enemys bow she
exclaimed: "Old Bob"
Il cannot help IT," he decisively an
swered, and with the aspect of a man
mailing his colors to the mast he
clenched his teeth and returned: "Old
cow"
"Old Bob! she cried
"Old cow" he firmly responded.
old Bob"
old Govt"
Bob"
Cow"
"Bob!"
Govt"
She slowly took off his ring and
slowly gave it to him, averting her
head suddenly and sobbing: "G-g-go!
G-ggo | can never be yours!"
But my dear girl! Gertrude! My
love! Listen to me- You must listen
to mel"
81 want you to g-g-go away" she
sobbed. I'VE could never be Unhappy
together and | want you to g-g-go!"
But, Gertrude-couldn't you see
that was-that | was only joking?"
She lifted her fearful face from her
handkerchief
Couldn't you see how absurd my ar
guments were?" he cried why, OF
course Old Bob chirps to his horse
louder than an old COW pulls her foot
out of a swamp or course he does!"
He took her hand, solemnly replaced
his ring, pressed her to him and as he
gave her another loud one she closed
her eyes in ecstasy and murmured to
herself over and over again:
20, can twist him around my lit.
tie fingerl o, can twist him around
my little finger!"
Bronson-What makes you think we
will have an open winter?
III SO