Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1908-02-14
nOD[RN IMPROVEMENTS IN WIY[S

hand that rocked the cradle the min
ute he grew up and saw the hand with
the rosalined nails and the dimpled
knuckles reckoning TO him. Anyway,
nowadays a woman needs both hands
free to keep her hold on her husband.
And yet I've noticed, remarked the
Mere Man, that very few of the mod
ern sirens have the hold on a mar that
the old fashioned cook and cradle rock
er had. When "a a has a farm n
IL children to look out for he didn't
nave any time or inclination to so seek
ing an affinity. BY the time he had
stacked the hay and put up the horses
and earned enough honey to buy bread
for II mouths and shoes for II pairs
OF feet he was only too glad to get
home and sit beside the fire and smoke
his pipe. It's the modern a~rtificiality OF
life. the sel%frocking cradles and self
working calculators and selfplaying
pianos, the limited families, tn. auto
mobiles and electric cars. that make
things too easy for us and leave so
much time on our hands that Satan
finds work for them to do. This run
ming a home or a business Office by
pushing a button is unnatural and I'M
healthy. II gives women time for bar.
gain hunting and men time for pleas
ure hunting and all of us time for
trouble hunting. A chap didn't worry
about not having a SOU mate in the
old days, If he had Il mate who could
make good pies and start n fire with.
out burning down the house. And o
woman didn't sigh for an affinity. wher
she was busy all day long tying ur
sore fingers and patching small trous.
erS and watching to see tina the bis.
cults didn't burn. The modern improve.
ments on matrimony are, like most pat
ents, of no real value to anybody but
the inventor: and ready made wives
are, like all things ready made. apt tc
be loose jOinted and weak in the moral
seams and snowy on the outside, but
not at all comfortable or useful"
Who wants to be useful" scoffed
the Bachelor Girl, with a toss of her
tousled curl" head. The latest model
in wives is beautiful and fascinating.
she came into fashion with electric
broughams and touring cars, n like
them, her mission is to amuse and en-
terrain you and make your friends en-
vious"- s.
And keep you busy" interpolated
the Mere Man, managing her and
making repairs. n spending your
money and getting out of scrapes."
And to make life seem like a picnic
or 4 century run down hill,' continued
the Bachelor Girl.
with a bump at the bottom," fin
ished the Mere Man with a sigh.
when win men know what they
want?" exclaimed the Bachelor Girl
hopelessly. When they had nice COM
monplace wives in curl-papers anG
cooking aprons, they sighed for an in.
tellectuaI companion who could under.
stand them; and when women ooh tt
going to college. and forming literary
clubs, and fighting for a vote, ant
wearing boomers, they raised their.
hands in horror and began to wall for
the lear feminine creatures in Tufles
and curls; and now that we've learned
how TO combine rufEcs and curls with
intellectually and cooking-now that
we're q little of everything
You aren't much of anything"
broke in the Mere Man desperately.
You're makeshift mothers n make
shift beauties and makeshift politi-
clans. Give me a good old-fashioned
Wife
I've offered you one several times -
declared the Bachelor Girl.
What"
II introduced you to Polly Reynolds
That trump in the mustard-colored
hat?" demanded the Mere Man con-
temptuously-
she can make lovely waffles,'' pro-
| tested the Bachelor Girl.
She Sticks back her hair" grumbled
| the Mere Man.
She's Il queen in the Kitchen de-
clared the Bachelor Girl.
And the color of q lemon"
but | thought o wanted'-
You know perfectly well what
want" said the Mere Man, rising witt
dignity.
The Bachelor Cir! twisted hel
brushes thoughtfully, with her head or
one side.
IF you mean ME. Mr.. Porter she
announced after a pause, I've frankly
told you, that j don't know Il turniI
from a parsnip, nor lamb from beef
before they're cooked
And I've frankly told you that
don't care.
And I buy all ny frocks read!
made"
"They don't took it."
And I'd use bachelors buttons an,
a self-rocking chair-and"-
I'D gladly spend the money for EN-
And I've got all the modern i'm
provements."
But you've got curly hair ~rejoinec
the Mere Man defiantly, "and a dimpl
in your chin, and curves in your ell
bows, and-you're a Circe and a Ma
donna and n subtle siren and a Delilal
and q Gretchen and"-
"Oh, be careful" cried the Bachelo
Girl in CONSERVATION. as she half close,
the door between them, Pm "a dan
gerous creaturei"
And she laughed softly as she hear
the Mere Man dumping disgustedl.
down the studio stairs.