Bisbee daily review., 1908-04-12
WOES OF A
 BACHELOR His Many Affairs of Heart

 to know what St. Paul said about mar riage, but I do not agree with him; neither do 1 approve of the course that Solomon pursued in having 1000 wives, and then saying all was vanity, and failing to speak in kindly man. ner of womankind in general. I be- heve in what it says in Proyerbs-get dear and stay at home and cherish her. l am 40, and as good looking as the next man. My means are ample enough to keep wife below the third floor of fashionable boarding house.
 So you see have at least one good trait.
 have had lots of proposals, but they were all from shop-worn rem nants. I always believed man should choose his own wife instead of being chosen, so refused them all.
 Still, so far have found that every woman I picked out for my wife has not seen fit to choose me.
 The first girl ever proposed to was IT and as sweet as a breath of June. She cried when I asked the question and said she would tell mamma
 That was just what I did not want her to do. Mamma was of the pouter pigeon variety with a wide girth, and was very much afraid of her. So l told the girl it was harmless joke, and got out before mamma came.
 l met that girl the other day. She has gone her mother one better in girth. She told me she was married, had six children, and was perfectly happy. So was L
 The next girl was a minister's daughter. I was in love with her and would have proposed had 1t not been for her mother. went to call on the girl one night for the second time. Her mother greeted me and asked my intentions.
 It seemed to me as if she was hurry ing matters little, so told her I had none
 She said it was not fair to pay her daughter such marked attention if I was not in earnest-it kept other suit CTS away"
 So I staid away, and the girl mar fied a missionary and went to India to live.
 My next trial was with the daughter of lady with whom I boarded. I kept this girl in candy, flowers. thea ter tickets and rich food one whole winter. I don't know why I ever pro posed to her, except thought she ex- pected it. However. am thankful to say she refused me-told me she was going to marry a millionaire" and liked my presumption.
 She married dry goods clerk, and is still living at home with mamma and making her own clothes.
 Then l fell in love with childless widow. She seemed like 8 sensible woman, and l thought she would make a good wife. She was sensible, all right-wanted to know my income, whether l owned any real estate, how much my life was insured for, and whether I had a family burial plot.
 bade her a nasty farewell
 There was the mother with the au- burn-haired, sunburnt, freckled and side-eyed daughter. The mother said her daughter was a perfect jewel and worthy of any mans love. I was sorry, but did not feel as if I were a worthy casket.
 Mrs. G., a widow of some 60 full years, proposed to me. She had two manly sons of over 30, neither of whom had ever toiled or spun. She said her sons needed a fathers kind ly hand to guide them. I told her I felt mine was not steady enough.
 A woman who called herself bach. elor maid wanted me. She was not a fright, but so near it that most people could not distinguish the difference. Her proposal, while not elegant, was novel. Hitting me slap on the back one day, she said: Whats the mat ter with us two getting tied up?"
 ''Mei" I said, and ran for my life.
 I think I have told enough to indi- cate that, while a bachelor may wear sunny smile, his heart is often heavy. But I will select my own wife or remain single.
 I would not be a man if had not fallen in love with an actress. This one was dream that turned into a nightmare. If it had not been for a forgotten husband would have been married to her,
 The trained nurse I had better luck with. She accepted, but neglected to tell me she had also accepted fellow in the next room. She gave me a queer excuse for her action-said that in all hospitals the nurses accepted anything they could get out of a man it made them get well quicker
 The last woman, so far, that have proposed to is a married one, living with her husband. I only asked her if she would marry me when her bus. band died. Bless your heart" she said, Tom is as tough as wire nails, and be will never die. But I promise to take you if he does. Now run away and be happy until the time comes"
 I am stil waiting for that woman's husband to die.
 Between all these proposals of mine I received quite few from mothers