The sun., 1908-05-10
SELLING A SUIT or ERNOR
ACIDULATED LADY cor IT, BUT
QUITE IMPERSONALLY. 4
Mr. Slam Dilates on Its pSSs ~ . HOnSehold
Erect, but Harlem FatterS and Cub
Nlghteu Fight Shy OF It-Its Rnds
HehaXIOF-Mnn On 30 Cent Ante.

BehaNOr-WOn on 50 Cent Ante.
After Mr.. Slam the auctioneer bad
knocked down a dozen soup tureens OF
Whackminster ware for 81, after a spirited
contest between professional C,irio dealer
and fat woman with a mustache. thero
was a lull In the proceedings. The auo-
tioneer took advantage Of It 10 make biting
remarks about his acquaintance In tho
audience, which caused every one TO laugh
but the victims ...
Even they had to grin for fear he'd ignore
their bids. IL was a relief when a noise Hike
tin peddler's wagon on paved street
was heard behind the red baise screen and
Mr.. Slam. peeping through slit in the our
tain, yelled out:
'Oh, Lor, here comes the scarecrowl'
The curtains bulged, then parted and
tho overwoked assistants Of Mr.. Slam
pushed into the near lmelEht q complete
suit Of antique armor mounted on a stand
and set on rollers. II had half awkward,
half tpsy air Of humanity about II as II
toppled forward. The head. OF rather the
helmet, lolled sentimentally to one side
and the stiff elbows and the splayed fingers
Of the gauntlets looked like young man
from Wayback who was "gettin his photo-
graph took
'0h me, oh myl' chuckled Mr.. Slam. 'here
is the chance Of long life for old maids
and grass widows Always sure Of a man
in the house when you clap this antique
mall Why don't you all laugh7 I've
been maxim that pun for fifteen years and
never failed to get a snicker before, but this
is dead slow crowd -H
well, as ] was sayin'. when you clap this
here tin plate magnate in the corner opposite
grandiather's clock you're always sure
Of a companion bright il the servant maid
uses enough silver polish, never contradict
ory no matter what you say and always
cool in the moment o. danger
Come ladies, it's up to you you won't
let seven ohampeen o. Christendom end
up in Ikey Mosenstein's delicatessen store
on Fourth avenue
Nobody seemed TO get very much excited.
90 Mr. Slam resumed
Come up and examine this splendid relic
Of the days Of chivalry,"
He pronounced it "tohivalry,' with a sort
Of sne eze
"It's guaranteed sound in wind and limb.
You see most Of it's moth proof ii turns
the edges Of their teeth and even the cock
reaches can only use il for cold storage.
Come TO the front and examine il; don't be
shy. That's right, key. It's almost as
good graft as the soup tureens.'
Il. Il Iii -. 4 n.
Of the professional dealer from the front
row armed with a magnifying glass, with
which he minutely inspected the chasing
and damascenlng on the helmet and oorselet.
Ikev broke the ice and several others
stepped forward to take look,
Mr.. Slam kept up a running fire Of chat.
Among the last was a tall. aodulated lady
who had been buying considerable in the
art line, as Miss Railway. ..
"Ikey, make way for the lady snapped
Mr. Slam "She means business and maybe
you don't. Now madame, there's your
opportoonl'y. .
Think what an an-tie-burglar insurance
he'll I've in your front hall under the dim
light at 2 A. NJ. You can see the reckless
invader OF your home throwing a hand
spring out O. the parlor window that he'd
lust sneaked in at thinking he'd seen-I
beg your pardon, ma am, you know who
meal anyhow, lkey does.
well, now, how much am ] bid for the
burglar chaser from the Dark Ages?' ..
Miss Railway stood gazing with percept-
bic admiration at the specimen from the
Dark Ages, and a man in the crowd wtils-
pered to the woman with him; shes
caught
We'll she u make a struggle for him
anyway said the man.
Some one had started the bidding with
500, which made Mr.. Slam snarl, sWe
must have Vaseline the clown or some
other funny fellow in our midst But
the crowd seemed TO fight shy Of the lanky
column Of steel until Miss Railway had q
little spasm Of enthusiasm and raised it
TO Sl2j.
aSee?" said the man in the back, and
before his companion could reply he
choked shrek Of laughter. She's try
ing 10 kiss him" he blurted out
II looked as II she was, OF course she
was only examining the interior condition
OF the suit as to rust, but as she stood on
tiptoe with her face very close 10 where the
other face would be IL the helmet con-
tanned head, the picture distinctly sug-
gested loverlike salute. '.
trap in action and Miss Railway started
back in indignation and alarm.
-Oh, the rude, saucy thingl' she eX-
claimed.
All that had happened was that the visor
Of the helmet had fallen down over the
aperture into which she was looking, but
tGe man behind whispered. @You see, sha
was bringing him to life, but he's spoiled
his chances
time apl another dealer had raised him 20
$40. Then some one tried a s. ante, but
Mr.. gam almost beloved in his wrath.
aWhat, take a g. bid for a grand ex-
ampe Of antique, artistic bric-a-brao Ike
that" he yelled. NO. Stree; | have too
much respect for ancient history, not to
speak Of our consignee, I'd rather buy
Il myself and put il outside to hold up my
fasN and he went on talking at a great
rate. but nobody seemed TO care much
about the relic.
Where would you put It in a Harlem
hal" one man called out; and another
replied, I'D hate 10 have to face II on club
Decidedly it wasn't popular. But Slam
stprmed on, Come, don't fool with me.
None Of your 81 points. Give me a real
well. two and half" calmly responded
Miss Railway ana the bland simplicity OF
il so Aabbergasted Mr. Slam that he actually
took IL and lapsed into his customary sing
song, ...
'0he forty-two and a half, l am bid
three will you make itl Two and a half
two an half, two an half Going at
one fpry-two and a half Goinsl Last
call Going Gonel'
As he brought his hammer down Miss
Railway started back for her seat But
in some way one Of thescales Of the RRmt--
let's got tangled up with the scarf which