Evening journal., 1908-08-17
PROFESSORS IN
CORNER CLASH
Arithmetic SmaSher and a
MARKHAM Orator in a Wind
fest on ShipIey Street
AUGUST EVENING DIVERSION

Things were doing at Fifth and Mar
ket streets for an hour or 20 Satur-
day night That place is the favorite
ground for street orators who want to
impress their views upon the wayfar-
Ing man, and there is usually consider
able Of the wayfauing man in the
neighborhood on Saturday nights.
Last Saturday evening a Professor
Of Mathematics and a Doctor Of Po-
litical Economy held forth at the same
time, and although the night was
rather warm, they had great many
pupils who seemed to enjoy going to
school while the ordinary pupils are
going swimmin'. The Professor of
Mathematics was a rather large man.
with voice that, while il was not
melodious and deep, was squealSy and
lul or peentrating powers. He was
mounted on a box in the middle OF the
street, about half way between Mar
ket and Shipley streets. He had a
flaming gasolene lamp and a revolving
blackboard and had chalk in his hand.
And the way that man made figures
and rubbed them out and multiplied
and divided and subtracted would
have caused the ordinary school
teacher to fly in dismay
Socialist Speaks.
A little further up, near Baynard's S
store was the Doctor Of Political Econ
omy, holding forth in the person Of a
Socialist orator. He did not have the
voice Of the mathematical wizard, and
he didn't have the light Hence his
crowd was considerably smaller. In
fact the disciple of Euclid had the fol-
lower Of Karl Marx beaten to a stand
still, 80 far as the crowd was con-
cerned. Neither orator paid any at
tention to the other. The Wet wagon
Salvation army battle of delightful
memory was not repeated. There was
no music except the singing of mosqui-
toes. Each orator sawed the air, and
the mathematician sawed the black
board with the rubber so frequently
the perspiration rolled from every
pore in rivulets There was no ap-
plause in the crowd, but it was really
remarkable how the man of "fggers"
held them. He hit all ordinary pules
Of arithmetic in the solar plexus, and
80 looked like % when he got through
with 1t. Standing on the corner the
words as they were waited along from
the orators sounded strange indeed. A
strange medly Of words hit the ear as
follows:
Medley of Voices.
Now we come to the court ques-
tion,' said the Socialist. (Three times
three under the old rule makes nine)
said "figgers." You all remember
how Judge lands was praised by the
working classes" divide twenty-ni
millions by thenty-three and you are
out) ''The courts are all right when
the decisions suit the capitalist class"
"(Ten me your age and I'll tell you the
day Of the week on which you we're
born)" I'll tell you who was respon-
sible for the murder of the governor
Of Idaho" "OHow would you like to be
a moving. walking calendar2) and
"hggers" turned his blackboard "The
workingman is not getting his share"
"(See, I'll rub that ouD" you have
10 take what the masters OF the capi-
talist class give you, "(Now I'll figure
on the price of meat. It's the two
sixteenths that does it. Meat is higher
than it ever has been since the cow
jumped over the moon)" Il don't want
to say much about Gompers" "(By the
old rule you would figure the vote in
that way as you We're taught In
schoo)".
And thus the orators Kept it up, and
the crowd patiently listened.
Some of those who heard the wind
fest went went away wondering II
"Oid Ffggers." former Congressman
Grosvenor. had hit upon a scheme Ito
send mathematical artists through the
country 10 subtract from the effects
Of the Socialist campaign.
The Socialist orators will continue
their speaking Saturday nights. but
the man with his blackboard and
arithmetic book which he has to sell.
and his new rules by which he could
tell at a glance how many kernels %
grain are in an ear win probably hunt
for new hearers.