davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
Tended to His Part.


Some years ago the Yankee schooner
Sally Ann, under command of Captain
SpOOner, was beating up the COnnecti-
cut river. Mr.. COmstock, the mate,
was at his station forward. According
to his notion Of things the schooner
was getting "leetle" too near certain
mud fiats which lay along the larboard
shore So aft he went TO the captain
and, with his hat cooked on one side,
said:
"Cap'n Spooner, you're getting lee
tie TOO close to them dats. Hadn't
you better 80 abeoutf"
The captain glared at him.
"Mr. COmstoek, jest you 60 for'ard
and tend to your part Of the skinner.
I'll tend to mine"
Mr.. Comstock went for'ard in high
dudgeon.
Boys" he beloved out, see that
that er mud hooks all clear for iettin'
60"
AYE, aye. sir!''
LET 50, them! he roared.
Down went the anchor, out ratified
the chains, and like fash the Sally
Ann came luf11ng into the wind and
then brought up all standing. Mr..
ComstOck walked aft and touched his
hat.
"Well, cap'n, my part Of the skinner
is to nchor."-Everybody's.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
Limit of Laziness.

-
Two darkies lay sprawled on the
levee on hot day. George Washing
ton drew a long sigh and said. An
wish All had a hundred watermillions.'
Dixie's eye lighted. Hum! Dat
would suttenly be fine! An eff yo' had
a hun'ed watermilions would yo' glib
me fifty?"
"No. All wouldn't"
"Wouldn't yo' glib me twenty-tive?'
"No. All wouldn't Glib yo' no twenty
five"
Dixie gazed with reproachful eyes at
his close fsted friend. Seems to me
you's powahful stingy. George WASH
in'ton." he said and then continued IN
a heartbroken voice, wouldn't yo' glib
me one?"
mo, All wouldn't glib yo' one. LOOK
a-hyah, niggah! Are yo' so good fer
muffin lazy dat yo' caihn't wish fo' yo'
own Observation-Disclosures Library
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
insulted.

tnsuited.
Harry. love" exclaimed Mrs. Know.
all 10 her husband un his return one
evening from the office. Il have b-beep
d-dreadfully insuited."
"InsultedI" exclaimed Harry. love.
"By whomY"
"B-by your m-mother," answered the
young wife. bursting into tears.
MY mother, Flora? Nonsense, She's
miles away"
Flora dried her tears.
I'll tell you all about II. Harry.
love-" she said "A letter came TO you
this morning addressed in your moth.
er's writing. so, of course. IL opened
It,"
"Of course" repeated Harry, love,
dryly.
lit was written TO you all the
way through. DO you understand?"
II understand. But where does the
Insult to you come in:"
Tit came In the p-p-postscript."
cried the wife. bursting into fresh
docds of briny. ut s-said: 'P-P-P. S.
D-dear Flora. d-don't f-fail to give this
l-letter to Harry. w-want him to
have it,"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
Trapped.

ITdpPeu.
A gentleman went into a Louisville
restaurant and ordered il bowl of soup.
When it was brought an innocent dy
was struggling in its midst The gen.
tleman reached in his pocket and
dropped something in the plate and
then called the waiter.
Waiter there is fly in this soup,
Bring me another BOWL
The waiter took the bowl out and
presently returned bearing a steaming
bowl of soup.
did you just pick that fly out, or
did you get another bowl of soup?"
II got you-all another bowl. boss"
"Well, wait a minute" said the GUS
toner, and with his spoon he fished
around in the bowl and brought up the
half dollar he dropped in the bowl be-
fore giving 1t to the negro
The negro's eyes popped out greedi-
ly and as he turned shamefacedly
away was heard to humble:
"Doggone it. that's just my luck"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
Why He Struck Out.

A famous first baseman was advocat-
Ing teetotalism among ball players, and
in the midst of his argument he told a
story.
Leroy Vigors, friend of mine," he
said, turned up to play in an amateur
game with a skate on. When Nigors
stepped up to the bat he smiled silly
smile and said to the umpire:
~ shee three bats an three balls
here. What am tO-hic-do|
"'Hit the middle ball. said the um-
pre.
But Nigors struck out.
"'Durn We, NigOrs,' said the coach,
why didn't you hit the middle ball,
like the umpire told yOuT
81 did, says Nigors. with an injured
air, only hit it with the-hic-outside
bat"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
On the Safe Side.

A distinguished officer Of the Federal
side visited southern planter after
the war, and they talked about the
shifts to which people were reduced in
order to save their property. Chloe
was called. "Tell the general where
we preserved our silver plate"
Without hesitation she answered
"Under some planks in the loft"
The master was astonished. "Why,
l don't remember that. Was 1t really
so?"
"Oh. yes. massa."
When the guest was gone out Chloe
was called again. 81 can't make it out,
I remember nothing about the loft"
"Why, master, was not going to
tell the truth. The plate was buried in
the garden. Who knows but there may
be another war, and then them rascally
Yankees would come and search our
garden. and we should lose our plate. :"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
A Cheap Spree.

An excellent Scotchman had for thir-
ty-seven years brought home his full
wages every week. Once aithe end or
the period he gave his wife siXpence
less than the full amount. This so dis
tressed the thrifty woman that she
went to consult the "meenister" ON the
subject. He tried to comfort her by
saying that sixpence in thirty-seven
wears was not large amount.
"It's ma the money Am thinking Of
she replied. but Am fearing that Mac
has been taking to drink and betting.
maybe, and other worldly pleasures
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
A Personal Appeal.

If we could talk to you personally
about the great merit of Foley's Honey
and Tar, for coughs, colds and lung
trouble, you never could be induced to
experiment with unknown preparations
that may contain some harmful drugs.
Foley's Honey and Tar costs you no
more and has record of forty years Of
cures, II. W. Thurstoh.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
journalistic Enterprise.

\ While stopping at a little Hoosier
hotel in the course of hunting trip in
his native state Booth Harrington lost
one Of his dogs.
"Have yon a newspaper in town.
he asked, OF the landlord.
Fright across the way. there, back
Of the shoemaker's." the landlord told
him, 1.-The Daily News. best little paper
Of its size In the state"
The editor, the printer and the print.
er's devil were all busy doing justice
to Mr.. Harrington with an ''in our
midst" paragraph when the novelist
arrived.
1'l've Just lost a dog" Harrington ex-
planned after he had introduced him
self, "and I'd u Ike to have you insert
this ad for me Fifty dollars reward
Tor the return OF a pointer dog answer
ing to the name Of Rex. Disappeared
from the yard Of the Mansion House
Monday night"
why. We were just going to press,
sir," the editor said but Wen be only
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
Character Molds the Face.

1t is not IN words eXplicahle with
what divine lines AMI lights the exer.
else OF godlineSs and charity will mold
and gild the hardest ana coolest coun-
tenance. neither To what darkness their
departure will conSign the loveliest.
for there is not any virtue the exercise
OF which even mOmentari!y will not
impress a new fairness upon the fea-
lures. Neither on them only. but on
the whole body. the moral and intel
lectual faculties have operation. for all
the movements and gestures. however
slight. are different In their modes.
according To the mind that governs
them. and on the gentleness and deci-
sion of right feeling follows grace OF
actions and through continuance OF
this grace of form.-,Iohn Ruskin.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
RydaIe's Catarrh Remedy.

was invented by a Physician and Chem
ist of Atlanta, Ga, and was used in pri-
vate practice for many years with most
marvellous success. The Rydale Rene
dy Co, have secured control of this
great remedy and are now placing it on
sale. Every bottle is guaranteed by us.
j. w. Thurston.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
EMBARRASSING.

1HlbeIdso"f9'
When the new minister, handsome
and unmarried man. made his first pas
tOral call at the Fosdickes' he took lit
tie Anna up in his arms and tried TO
kiss her. but the child refused TO be
kissed. She struggled loose and ran
off into the next room. where her
mother was putting few finishing
touches to her adornnent before going
into the parlor TO greet the clergyman.
Mamma" the little girl whispered,
"the man in the parlor wanted me to
kiss him."
Well replied mamma, "why didn't
you let him? | would If were you"
Thereupon little Anna ran back into
the parlor and the minister asked:
well, little lady. won't you kiss me
now"
"No, won't" replied Anna prompt
ly, but mamma says she WILL"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
Diagnosed.

1iA9UoSSos
Dean Ramsay once told Of young
Englishman who had taken Scottish
shooting and thought himself quite
nationalized. Next year he met gen.
uine Scot Of the old school at Ger
man watering place and proceeded to
pose as one himself. talking Of Scot
land and haggis and Sleeps head and
whisky. boasting of Bannockburn, pro-
Tossing devotion to Queen Mary and
extolling Scott and Burns over all Eng
iish writers. On taking leave Of his
friend he said. "Well. sir. next time
we meet hope you will receive me as
a real countryman" "Weel." said the
other. "Pm jest thinkin', my lad, ye're
nae Scot. but III tell We what We are
ye'rc Jest an impruived Englishman."
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
Sudden Conversion.

At one army post where a number Of
recruits were temporarily stationed an
old sergeant was ordered to ascertain
to what religious sect each man be.
longed and to see that he joined the
party told of for that particular form
OF worship. Some Of the men had no
liking for church and declared them
selves to be atheists. But the sergeant
was 4 Scotsman and man of expert
ence. "Ah. weel." said he. then ye
hae no need TO keep holy the Sabbath,
and the stables hae ma been cleaned
oot lately" And he ordered them to
clean out the stables. This occupied
practically the whole day. and the men
lost their usual Sunday afternoons
leave. Next Sunday broad smile
crept over the face of the sergeant
when he heard that all the atheists
had Joined the Church of England.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
The Door of Opportunity.


A well known Chicago merchant was
once asked to talk to the boys Of a
business school. He prefaced his ad-
dress by few extempore remarks.
Boys" said he. "as | approached
the entrance to this schooroom I OBJ
served on a panel of the door word
most appropriate to an institution Of
this kind That one word expressed
the quality most useful to the average
boy when he steps into the field of bust.
ness. Can you tell me what it is?'
"Pull"' shouted several of the pu-
pills, with a burst of laughter. while
the horrified merchant recognized that
he had taken his text from the wrong
side of the door.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
A Mothers Criticism.

Sigismund Goetze, the painter. once
painted his own portrait. II designed
it." said he. "as birthday surprise
for my mother hut one day left 1t ex-
posed in the studio instead Of, as usu-
al. covered up. or course my mother
chose that very afternoon to call, and
equally. of course, she spotted the
portrait. who Is that?' she said. oh,
a man I've been painting ! replied,
instantly feeling several sizes smaller,
a shrinkage which continued almost to
vanishing point when my mother after
another look at the picture snid Sc
vereIy. why do you waste your time
on such uninterssting psoplsr"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04

too glad 10 hold the edition for your
ad."
Mr.. Harrington returned 10 the hotel
After few minutes he decided. how
ever. that II might be we'll to add NO
questions asked 10 his advertisement
and returned to the Daily News office.
The place was deserted save for the
skinny little freckle faced devil. who
sat perched on a high stool. gazing
wistfully out of the window.
Where is everybody" Harrington
asked.
"Gawn to hnnt tn dawg." replied the
boy without removing his gaze from
the distant fields.-Eyeryb body's.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
Free to all subse ribers Of this

paper. Every reader of this paper
VINO has any trouble with either Stom-
ach or Liver, can get free sample Of
Rydae's Stomach Tablets or Rydale's
Liver Tablets CT both If needed hy
writing t" Rvdsle Remedy Co. Newport
News, Va. These two remedies are
not cure alIs, one is for stomach troubles
only, the other solely for liver aud
bowel troubles. Guaranteed BY j. W..
Thurston.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
This is Worth Reading.

Leo F. Zplinski, of 6S Gibson, ot''
Buffalo, N. Y, says 81 cured the most
annoying cold sore ever had' VIII"
pucklen's Arnica Salve. applied tins
s,lve once q day for two days, when
avery trace of the sore was gone Heals
Il, sores. Sold under guarantee at D
". Thurston's drug store. 25c.--J'
w. Thurston.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
Making Sure.

A Scotsman went to an English race
meeting and boldly staked sovereign.
The horse he backed proved a winner,
and he went to the bookie to claim his
winnings. The sporting man begrudg-
ingly handed him seven sovereigns
The Scot looked at each one very care
fully before placing it in his pocket.
"Well," said the bookie, with snarl:
"are you afraid they're bad?'
"Oh. no." said the Scotsman; but l
was just lookin' to max sure the bad
un gie'd 70 wisna amang them"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
His Father Was Doine We'll.

Long after the dealE of the elder
George Grossmith the British income
tax commissioners by mistake sent TO
the son. the well known actor. a notice
assessing the income Of the deceased at
$4,000. Mr.. Grossmith returned the
document TO the proper quarter. with
the following note written across 1t:
81 am glad to learn my father is doing
great deal more than he ever made in
this. Kindly forward this notice to his
new address and remember me affec-
tionately TO him"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
Canine Intuition.


A railroad eating house in southern
Georgia which enjoys the reputation
of being one Of the worst places of its
kind in the state has an ancient darky
who announces dinner to the incoming
passengers by ringing a huge bell one
day the old negro was accompanied by
a sad eyed, long cared hound, who at
the first ringing of the bell lifted up
his voice in a most dismal howl. The
old darky stopped and gazed at him
for moment and, with Hush yer
mouth started ringing again. Again
the old hound, with nose in the air,
sent forth long drawn howl
This was too much for the bell ring
er. and, turning on the hound, he re-
marked:
"Now, what in de worF is you max
in sech a fuss erbout? You don't have
ter eat here lessen Yer wants ter
Harpcr's.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
Guilty Of counterfeitiug.

Passing counterfeit money is no worse
than substituting some unknown worth
less remedy for Foley's Honey and Tar,
the great cough and cold remedy that
cures the most obstinate coughs and
heals the lungs.-J. W. Thurstoa.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
Just q Supposition.

A philanthropic lady of San Francis
co met on one Of her tours little boy
who was swearing roundly. She seized
him at once and gave him good shak-
ing. adding: you ought to be asha med
Of yourself! | never heard such lam
guage since the day was born" The
boy. into whose desolate home she had
lust been bringing light. pulled himself
loose. "Yes'm." he said. Il s'pose dere
was a good deal O. cussin' de day you
was born"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04

More people are taking Foley's Kid
ney Remedy every year. tits considered
to be the most effective remedy for
kidney and bladder troubles that medi-
cal science can devise. Foley's Kidney
Remedy corrects irregularities, builds
tality 1t will make you feel well and
look well.-J. W. Thurston.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
The Essence of q Gentle man.

The gentleman Is the man who is
master Of himself. who respects him
self aud makes others respect him.
The essence Of gentleman Is eternal
self rule. 1t implies character which
possesses itself, self controlling force
liberty which affirms and regulates
itself according to the type of true
dignity.-Henri Frederic Amiel.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
o.,bste Court Sessions.

.-.... rlE PROBATE COURT FOR
-.ur-r uI. ESSEN will be held as
.. tht wear IyoN:
... in the forenoon OF the second
DO. Tnsrv aud the nr>t Mondays vi
~ aud December.
.. 900 the afternoon vi each OF the
-.... the FIRST Mondays of April and
8 ..l ou the first saturday of each
.. .--.tu, will be held at any place in
.. .. tgrCcmcm.
& lions addressed TO l.. W. wyman
l. r.rilihau. will receive prompt at
nl.EBERT W. BLAKE, JCDGE.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
THE LIFE OF MAN.

Like TO the falling of star.
Or as the hia0s of eagles are.
Or like the fresh springs gaudy hue,
Or silver drops of morning dew.
Or like wind that chafes the food,
or bubbles which on water stood
Fen such is man, whose borrowed light
Is straight called in and paid tonight.
The wind blows out. the bubble dies.
The spring entombed in autumn lies,
The dew's dried up, the star is shot.
The flight Is past. and man forgot.
Francis Beaumont.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04

Tom and Jerry.
Tom Reed and Jerry Simpson. the
noted Populist congressman, were
great friends. Their good relationship
came after this incident:
Say, Jerry" said Reed one day,
"why are you Populist:"
For the same reason" said Simp.
son, that you are Republican. A
majority Of the people Of our respec-
tive districts are Of our way of think
ing"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
O'Ennery's Wit,

The Empress Eugene once asked
D'Ennery. the French dramarist. after
the performance Of one OF his plays at
the Tuileiies, How did your heroine
get the poison that was SO necessary
for the denouementf' "Ah. your maj
esty" said D'Ennery. that's just what
I've never succeeded in getting her to
tell"
Another time the directors Of q the
ater where his drama, THE Two Or
phans," was being rehearsed asked
him what he was dissatisfied with.
"Oh," he replied. ats only that each
of you has got an inbecile for part
ner"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
A Loving Son.

A Loving Son.
Artemus Ward once told about two
men he heard talking at a hotel in
Maine. One of them said:
"Well, Bill, I've sold that Old mare
What" says Bill. "'rhat old flea
bitten, broken down, spawned mare"
"Yes."
"What did you get for herr"
"A hundred dollars.
"a hundred dollars! Who did you
sell her tor
"Motherw
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
A Witty Reply.

Lord Houghton's sister was often
annoyed at her brothers indiscriminate
hospitality. do you remember. my
dear" he asked her at dinner one day,
"whether that famous scoundrel \.
was hanged or acquitted?" 'He must
have been hanged or you would have
had him to dinner long ago" replied
the lady.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04

Foley's Orino Laxative cures chronic
constipation and stimulates the liver.
Orino regulates the bowels 80 they will
act naturally and you do not have to
take purgatives continuously.-J. W.
Thurstou.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
The Difference of q Letter.


A professor In the University Of Ber-
lin who came to this country year
ago was much surprised when he
travelled in sleeping car to be asked
by the porter for his berth ticket.
MY birth ticketT he said. II have
my passport, have my letter Of cred
1t, and have even In my trunk my
certificate Of vaccination, but why the
railroad should want my birth ticket I
do not see."
But" said the porter, II must know
whether you have upper or lower
berth"
Upper, Of course" said the German.
'Look ut nay passport. Does 1t not
say, Well and highly bornT"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
RESIGNATION.

Charles Lamb, when reminded by
his sisters of the days when they were
poor and capable of enjoying the small
est treat with the keenest relish. so
different from the days when they
were rich and surfeited, said, "Well,
Mary, since we are in easy circum-
stances we must endeavor to put up
with it,"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
Education.

Education.
The real object of education is to
give children resources that will en-
dure as long as life endures; habits
that time will ameliorate. not destroy;
occupations that will render sickness
tolerable, solitude pleasant, age ven.
erable life more dignified and useful
and death less terrib!e.-Sydney Smith.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
A SartoriaI Reflection.

A young clergyman on his arst ap-
pearance in the pulpit made faux
pas in a sermon directed against the
very human fault Of vanity. MANY
good woman comes into Gods house
to show of (perhaps she doesn't quite
realize it. but the fact is unchanged
10 show of her best clothes" Then
he glanced across the crowded pews
and added, 81 am thankful. dear
friends. to see that none Of you has
come here for SO unworthy a reason"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
Trusting.

Nobody runs over child If he can
help it. Even thief will bring you
back your pocketbook If you trust him
to take care of it, 1t is the trusting
that does 1t. Few men, no matter
how crooked, can resist the tempta-
ton of reaching, If only fer moment,
an honest mans level.-F. Hopkinson
Smith.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04

Hoarse cougns aud stuffy colds Il at
may develop into pneumonia over night
are quickly cured by Foley's Honey and
Tar, as it soothes inflamed membranea
heals the lungs, and expels the cold
from the systen.--J. w. Thusston.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
Practical Economy.

Practical Economy.
If you would succeed in business
never spend a cent more than you
,arn. No matter how small your
earnings, you should master this art.
l use the word "art" advisedly, as 20
many young men appear to fritter
away without so much as a thought
nil their earnings.--Marshal Field.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1908-12-04
: Per cent

Interest on your surplus funds,
r... or small. Payable direct to
,,.r address Ly New York drafts
..rr-lupullly. Security to suit the
m..- conservative. Commendatory
Irt.r, from prominent banks and
5-..lptive booklet sent free on re-