Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-01-27
OLD TIMER TELLS
OF COOLEST TRIP
DISCIPLE OF ANANIAs BECOMES
REMINISCENT
Extemporizes on Exciting Experience
with an Exasperating Extract of
Mustard, Which Extermi-
mates a Chill

'FWhy, this isn't chilly weather, .
mildly said a Los Angeles man when
another mentioned the cool effect Of the
gray clouds.
1T remember a time when it really
was cold" he continued. THAT was
one time when my pal, old High Binder
Abe, were taking some horses west
from Omaha, Neb. We were cold all
through. 1t was cold to the limit of
the thermometer Then, when the wind
cut loose you just had to back up
against the draft and keep cool. Oh, it
was a freezer The train crawled
along and we had hours of wind and
winter by the time we reached Red
Cloud, Neb., where we had a chance to
stay awhile.
"Well, we knew the landlord of the
hotel there was a tight wad, if ever
there were any. Yes, he was close
never had any big pieces of pie at his
table. He'd place his wife's hand on
the pie and cut out the sections be-
tween her fingers. That was all you
got, too.
1--WE bucked up against the PROPOSE
ton, but it wasn't reassuring. We got
| to our room, swallowed the narrow
gauge dinner when we went down
stairs, and then began to raise a thirst
Immediately What a consuming, I'M
lquenchable desire to guzzle booze! 1t
made our tongues warp.
"There had been a blind tiger there.
But even that animal ate Tor drank)
too much for the hotel boss, so old
Tight Wad' had done away with the
hole in the wall. We accordingly sat
up in our room and did some tall, mag
nifcent, stately thinking.
by and by High Binder placed
both of his feet on the floor again. He
had had them hung up on the edge OF
the bed-and he says to me:
~ have 1t. You pretent you've got
the cramps
What, over that measley little
microscopic meal?" I asked.
"'Well, it's the only excuse we've
got he retorted.
HE had me there.
Plot Is 5reWed
"'You pretend to have the cramps.
roll on the bed and boiler like coyote
with the collie. Then we'll get the only
whisky in this town-the flask that the
wife of our old friend Tight Wad has
hidden in the inmost recesses or her
| -er-trunk.'
$50 as was as dry as sand storm
I agreed. l was the sickest man you
ever saw; everybody in the hotel came
to hear me boiler. Old Tight Wad'
came on a 2:04 trot with that flask and
1 got my portion of grog. High Binder
| took a swig to keep me company.
eve did that three times. Then we
thought we'd finish the flask with
| positively ur-last-appearance' fit.
1T demurred bit, but my conscience
wasn't as strong as High Binder
logic. I had fit.
"The others were the dull, subdued
gray of southern twilight compared
to my last and final effort. We heard
old Tight comm down the hallway like
a stampede. We thought he must have
pony keg with him.
1.-THE door swung open.
"In he came-carrying a smoking 80
degree FAHRENHEIT mustard plaster.
'He shouted as he patted that on my
moor old pelt: There, that'll do we much
more good than the whisky And that
nizen Old friend of mine, High Binder,
let him do it. To make it worse he
kent him a half hour in the room talk
| ing to him and purposely keeping me
sweatin' blood an mustard with that
old plaster incubator dom things TO
my perishing frame! oh. 1t was orrui!
"Bimeby tn landlord left. He wasn't
past the keyhole before had that pas
ter off of me. Talk about lightning
changes-I've held the worlds record
ever since And old High Binder just
LEANED up against the wall and guff-
awed till his lungs began to crack at
both ends.
"But one thing. I wasn't cold again
that entire trip. l could have ridden
on top of a box car in my shirt sleeves
and sassed any blizzard that ever
whooped 1t over the prairie"