The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1908-01-18

| .~.~~~~
Mrs. Justwed- How do you like those
oranges? Mrs. Justwed-I think the
dealer handed you lemon.
Penner-The critics roasted your
book, didn't they? Scriblet-Yes; but
not enough to insure its success.-Life.
We've lost our cook again." That's
never happened to me-" 'Is that sol
How did you manage ity II married
her."-Detroit Free Press.
| Madam, beware Of man with black
eyes," Huh! he amt dangerous
That's my husband; gave him them
eyes last night "-Houston Post.
He-How can 1 repay you for that
delightful waltz? She Whose train has
suffered) don't repay me, settle
with my dressmaker.-Ally Sloper.
| Daughter-Father went off in a GOOD
humor this morning. Mother-My
That reminds me. l forgot to ask him
for any money.-Christian Advocate.
Miss Rosy-George says he admires
me because l am the picture of health.
Miss Pale-Yes the silly fellow was
always crazy for anything hand-paint-
ed.
Hes a wonderful actor" think
So" Eyes. Notice how passionately
he makes love to the leading lady in
the last act?' "Yep" "Well, she's his
wife" -Cleveland Leader.
with 100000" said the man Of ex.
pansive ideas, II could make fortune
in Wall street" EYES," rejoined the
piker, 'but whose fortune would you
make?'- Washington Star
Eyes; am going to marry Mr.. Bull
lion" "Why, he is old enough to be
your father!" II know he is, but, un-
fortunately, he doesn't seem to care for
mother. -Courier-Journal.
"My daughter is going to marry a
millionaire" "Isn't that nice? Who
is he, and when is the wedding to be?'
II don't know yet. She's just Joined
the chorus. Detroit Free Press.
"What is your idea of classical mu-
sic?' "Well," answered Miss Cumrox,
"as understand it, classical piece is
written by some one whose name Is
very hard to pronounce "-Washington
Star.
Husband - What! Another new
dress? Wife-Well, don't be so cross.
I bought it with my own money! Hus-
band-Your own? Where did you get
it from? Wife, sold your fur coat
Bocia.
| Eyes," remarked Farmer Corntossel,
my boy, Josh, gets good deal O. fun
out of automobiling." "But he doesn't
own a machine" "Of course not He's
one O. the county constables "-Wash-
ington Star.
| Law is not so harsh as it used to be.
For instance, in the time of Henry
| VIII football was a crime, while now
1t is seldom regarded as anything more
than more or less fatal misdemeanor.
indianapolis News.
Clara-Of course, one of the annoy
ing things about moving into new
neighborhood is the idle curiosity of
some neighbors- Mabel - That
doesn't bother me as much as the busy
curiosity Of the Others
II suppose" remarked the dear girl,
"that you do not believe in love at first
sight?" ''Oh, yes, do rejoined the
old bachelor. IF men were gifted with
second sight they would never fall In
love" -London Opinion.
! GABRIEL have blown my trumpet
three times and nobody pays any at
tention to it. Israel-That's strange.
isn't 1t? People just make hasty
Jump for the curbstone, and then look
to see which way the auto went"
Cleveland Leader.
"You never can TELL" observed Uncle
Allen Sparks, what lasting results may
be accomplished by an earnest word
spoken at the right time. Many man
has had the shape Of his nose changed
for life by calling another man liar"
| Chicago Tribune.
Mr.. Galley Somebody's stolen oui
dog again. That's d Mrs.
Galley chastity interrupting) George!
George! Don't swear about it Mr..
Gailey-Who's swearing? 1 was just
going to say It's dog-gone big relief.
| Philadelphia Press
II suppose you 60 to the city at least
once year." said the summer boarder.
II used tew," replied the old farmer,
''but I amt been thar fer nigh onto
three years meow. Since we got rural
free delivery kin git buncoed jist as
veil by mail, b'gosh !" Chicago News.
! A lot Of poor children were at a
farm. The farmer gave them some
milk to drink, the product Of prize
COW. "How do you like itY he asked,
when they had finished. Gee, it's
fne!" said one little fellow. who adj
ded after a thoughtful pause. Il wish
our milkman kept cow!"- Cardiff
Times.
Better send an inspector down to