davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1908-11-07
Lively Times
For Mark Twain
and His Visitation by Bur-
glars The Laugh on the
Thieves. " y y

"HESE are lively times for Sam
uel l.. Clemens, or us he Is
generally called, Mark Twain:
He has been moving, the news
papers have been printing reports that
his daughter, Miss Clara Clemens, is
to be married and, last. but not least,
he has had Il visit from burglars.
Most people would find it difficult to
maintain Il serene frame of mind un-
der such circumstances. especially aft
er Il visitation from houScbreakcrs and
the theft of several hundred dollars
worth of Silverwarc. Not so our old
friend Mark 1t Is a serious situation.
indeed, in which he cannot see Il joke
After the departure of the thieves with
n bag Of articles purloincd from the
dining room he expressed his regret
that they had not seen fit to call on
him while visiting his new and beau
tiful Italian villa. as he would have
been pleased to have them sample his
old Scotch whisky, a bottle of which
stood by his bedside at that very
time. Mr.. Clemens, who claims to he
a special friend Of burglars. there be-
Ing so many literary thieves In his
own profession, conSocd himself for
the slight inflicted upon him by the
swift fingered gentry who went away
without paying their respects by post
ing on the front door of the villa a
guide for future visitors of that kind,
which read as follows:
Notice to the Next Burglar:
There Is nothing hut plated ware in this
house now and henCcfOrth. You will find
1t in that brass thing in the dining room
over the corner by the basket of kittens.
If you want the basket. put the kittens in
the brass thing. Do not make a noise.
1t dsturbs the family. You will find
rubbers in the front hall by that thing
which has the umbrellas In it-Chiffonier
l think they call 1t or per.;Ola or some
thing like that Please close the door.
Yours truly. s. l.. GLEN EMS.
1t takes a pretty good man to get
the best of Il humoYiSt like Mark
Twain. To begin with. he had pre-
pared for Just such unexpected guests
rs those who by prying open Il window
entered his dining room recently with.
ont his permission. He left his most
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1908-11-07
ADJUSTED HIS CANE.
Then the Man From Berlin Explained
Why He Did It.

A man stood before shop window
with his cane sticking out from under
his arm. A stout. blond gentleman in
passing struck the cane smartly with
his own, restoring 1t from It's obstruc-
tive horizontal position to the proper
vertical one.
Say, what's the matter with you?
You're the freshest guy | ever saw.
Are You looking for trouble?"
Thus said the man whose cane had
been tapped. But he who had tapped
1t, speaking with n German accent. an
swered gently:
why. sir. did nothing but restore
your cane to Its right inclination. Alb
scntly You were hol't@% it under your
arm. 1t was jabl people in Il ,
breast. the back, even the eye. and vet
YOU meant no harm.
well | stopped that nuisance which
YOU were unconSci)uSly committing. In
Berlin 1t IS the custom always to stop
1t so. And no one takes offcnse. On
the contrary. in Berlin the correction is
received with Il smile and word of
thanks. Isn't it 50 here?'
"No. it isn't" said the other. but 1T
should be. | thank you. sir, myself. and
| apologize New York Press.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1908-11-07
What the Spirit Of Unity Can o..

AT n recent meeting of improvement
societies in New England one of the
delegates told what the spirit of
unity" had accomplished In his town.
Through n long period of years the
organization had paid attention to the
smaller things, with the result that
the town Is now one OF the most beau
tiful In New England. With only 5000
to $500 year they have covered the
questions of hitching posts. street
trees. care OF streets. the library.
sprinkIing carts, planting shrubbery at
corners and on small waste places.
They have encouraged gardening by
selling seeds at a cent package to
the children and awarding prizes each
fall till the get together" movement,
which has been most successfully car
ried out, has resulted in an apprecia-
tive unit, both In civic spirit and In out
ward aspect.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1908-11-07
Tho Way Out.

When Pat decided to set up as a
cabby he bought nn old cavalry horse
and reached home feeling proud. be
dad! But then he found he couldn't
make it bulge, so he took 1t back to
the barracks and told the officer that
It was dead beat and wouldn't go.
Won't he?" said the officer. And.
mounting him. he cried. Charge!
Away sped the horse around the yard
and suddenly stopped when the officer
cried Halt"
Well pleased, Pat took the horse
home second time.
On the afternoon following he had n
party to drive to the station. AS soon
ns all were seated he shouted.
"Cha-a- -arge"
The steed rushed off at breakneck
speed. Tearing along at forty miles
an hour, It soon reached the station.
But wild look came into the Hiber-
nian drivers eyes.
'Be jabers." he screamed, 1--WE for
gotten the word. can't stop him!
can't stop him! Ladies-ladies, II
ye want ter git out, whirroo, ye'd bet
ter try ollin'"-London Graphic.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1908-11-07
John Wesley's Prescription.

Here is Il rare little book" said IL
Methodist local preacher. 1T is John
Weslry's Primitive Physick.' Wesley
dabbled in medicine. setting fashion
that has not yet died out. Did you
ever know Il Methodist minister who
didn't lab0Ic In medicine?"
The full title of the volume was
"Primitive physick; or. An Easy and
Natural Method of Curing Most Dis
eases" The local preacher said that
he had paid $40 for the book. but that
as medical work it was not really
worth 40 cents. To show the weak
ness of John Weslry's doctorng he
quoted the following consumption cure:
Every morning cut up n little turf
of fresh earth and, lying down, breathe
into the hole for quarter of an hour.
l have known deep consumptive cured
thus. New Orleans Times Democrat
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1908-11-07
The letters He Dictated.

We'll, goodby, dear" said Mr.. True
boy to his beloved spouse. II must go
and dictate those letters-twenty-s Of
them-sO you mustn't expect me home
very early"
"All right" was the response. But
l wish you wouldn't work so hard"
Half an hour later Mr.. Trueboy en-
tered his club and sat down. with
three others, at a card table.
Just a moment. you fellows, before
the first hand is dealt. I've got to
keep my word with my wife One of
You just take down what dictate: "A
b C d @ ( e h / ] k | IN n op q r 8
tuvw wXyz.' There those letters are
off my mind."
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1908-11-07
THE SECOND EMPIRE.
Two Picturesque Episodes In Period
of Unrest.

of Unrest.
Walking about the streets, riding on
buses, junkcting up and down the
river In steamboats,, was profoundly
struck by the unrest among the people,
their Intense hatred of emperor and
empress. One day caught a glimpse
of ROchcfort, carried aloft on the
shoulders of mob of students
thronglng the Boulevard Saint Michel
| never saw a man looking so help
lesSly frightened rs did the founder
of the Lantcrnc, then in Its prime
Whether he feared the police or fall
do not know, but his terror was alb
ject.
In the summer time the emperor
paid visit to BeauvaIs. On the
chance OF getting material for an ar
ticle acceptable in London journcyed
thithcr with North Peat. who went
down as representative of the Morning
Star. The prince imperial accompanied
the emperor. who drove through living
lanes of people stretching from the
roadway to the open windows of the
topmoSt chamber. They came to see,
but they would not remain to cheer.
The occasion was the presentation Of
prizes gained at the local I.yccc The
head prize was never delivered, the
winner, a lad of fourteen. declining to
accept 1t from the hand of the hated
empcror.-H. w. Lucy In Cornhill
Magazine.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1908-11-07
Improvement Plans.

When about to start upon any phase
OF Improvement work 1t Is absolutely
necessary TO the fullest measure Of
success that definite plan be decided
Of building or campaign of cleaning
up 1t is just as desirable to have a
definite plan for the renovation and
regeneration Of an old town as 1t is In
the case of a new one to be establish
ed, Improvement workers will do well
to remember that all new towns,
tracts. additions, etc, are fully planted
with uniform street trees. and older
sections must be brought up to this
standard or suffer by comparison.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1908-11-07
Her Visit to the Dentist.

An Irish maid in the service of a
Washington family recently sought
permission of her mistress to take an
afternoon off for the purpose of con-
sulting 4 dentist.
Upon her return the mistress said:
"Well, Rosalie, did you have the
tooth fillcd?'
Il did, num-"
"And what did the dentist fill 1t
with-gold or amalgam?"
II don't know just what it was,
mum, but from the way | feel l
should think it was with thunder and
loightning, num-"
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1908-11-07
WHAT ONE TOWN DID.
How Billerica, Mass. Was Transformed
Into Place CT 3 auty.

no" bHlerlca, MASS, was TRANSFORMER
Into Place CT 3 auty.
Until recent years Biicrica. Mass
was just like any other ordinary com
munity In the WOODEN manufacturing
district The transformation of Bill
lerca began with the erection OF a
memorial hall. with grounds. 10y the
family of Governor Thomas Talbot.
Attractivcly designed houses for ten
nnts were erected by Frederic $. Clark.
treasurer Of the Talbot mills. who also
aided the village In obtaining IL brick
schoolhousc, which WAS placed front
Ing the Talbot mills oval IL reServa-
ton set apart for the public by the
company. This company aided the
citizens in other ways, maintaining a
library. dining hall and n pension
system for It's workers.
With the advent In Billerica OF War
rem II. Manning. head Of the outdoor
art department of the American Civic
association. rs summer resident In
1900. a campaign was begun for vii
lage Improvement. Mr. Manning who
is n citizen OF Boston. formed a So
CletN "nlcn now is Ill lhe front Tulk
of Improvement societies In what 1t
has accomplished In seven years
From house to house of the workers
in the Talbot mills belt of lilac bush
es stretches. separating front lawns
from back yards and gardens. The
planting along the houses and In win
dow boxes Is done by the tenants
The prizes offered by the Billerica
Improvement society to all citizens
are being duplicated by the Talbot
mills to their workers. with the result
that there Is not Il household not af
fectcd by the rivalry for n more beau
tiful village.
In 1903 the beds in Talbot oval were
planted with shrubs and herbs in com
mon cultivation and native plants. the
vines being trained around the electric
railway poles.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1908-11-07
Judqment Of Solomon.

First Guest-Hi. waiter. open that
window. please. can't stand this
heat
Waiter-D'rectly. sir. "Opens the
Window
Second Guest IA little later)-Waiter,
there's draft enough to give one his
death Of cold. Do sht1t the window.
Waiter-Yes. sir (Shuts the win
dow
First Guest-Waiter, are you mad7
Why have you closed the window
Open 1t again at once.
Waiter-Very good. sir. Goes to
landlordD Sir, one Of the gentlemen
wants the window open. and the other
wants me to shut 1t. What am | to
do?
LandlorL-Do what the gentleman
says who hasn't dined yet.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1908-11-07
Spare the Horses.

a cavalry sergeant at n western post
had endured the stupidity of recruit
for many days, One day the "rookie"
was thus greeted when he had vio-
lated the sergeant's orders:
Say, don't ever come at the horses
from behind without speakin' to
'em!" exclaimed the sergeant. They'll
be kicking in that thick head of yours.
Then the first thing you know thercIl
be lot o lame horses in the squad
ron."-IIarpers Weekly.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1908-11-07
Humor
HIS LUCK.
How a "Linsuist" Came to Lose a
Good Meal

Good Meal.
Madam" began the man with the
red nose to the farmers wife, "you see
before you a learned man in hard luck
In fact, l am one of the worlds great
est llnguists."
"Is it painful?' she sympathetically
asked
you don't understand, madam. 4
linguiSt is one who can talk the Ian
guagcs. Now, | can converse with you
in Latin. | can tell you the sad story
of my life In Greek. | can go to the
lecture platform and lecture in any
language known to man."
Dew tell" she gasped
yes madam; all the languages are
spoken fluently by me. Were you Ger
man | would talk German with you;
were you French we would converse In
the language of that country; We're you
Spanish You would think from my talk
that | was native Of the land Of the
dOnS''
Il want tew know Mebbe you'd jest
in?"
"Certainly, madam-E pluribus un-
ion semper idem de pumpkin"
"Waal the idca"' exclaimed the
amazed farmers wife. AN how does
the French language sound?"
"Bcautiful, madam. When say in
French, 'Parle yous rougct nolr on
sausagc?' I mean. Isn't 1t lovely
day."
Good lands"'
"The same sentence in German would
be, 'Ach, budweiser und der kemp
stein IS Oudt.'"
"Waal, waal, waal. How sum folks
dew run tew smartness! VIII We take
dinner with us?"
"Certainly. madam"
ITS real kind of ye to be so obllgin
My son will be hum from college any
mint, an he writes that he knows all
them languages. You an him can talk
'em all over an let pa an me listen to
ye. Would you like to step over to the
wash house an wash up fur dinner?
It's all ready"
The great "linguist" heaved a heavy
sigh, muttered something about fool
sons being around when they were not
wanted and started In the direction Of
the wash house.
But he did not return. Bohemian.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1908-11-07
FROSTBURG. Md, SATURDAY, NOVEMBER Z, 1908.


mo" she said stiffiy. I'D rather
walk"
The little fat man flushed
Look here" he said. "you-I wish
you'd tell your folks amt going to
feeling mean ever since | said I'd
foreclose, but did it just after
got your letter.
Something in the pleading express
sion Of his round, red face made Char
lotte leave Jerry and so over to the
side OF the automobile
Perhaps l didn't write In n very
kindly way" she said. II have
great light illumlncd his gloomy
countenance. do you think you
could change your mind!' he asked
"Oh, no." Charlotte stammered mot
that. but
"Of course you look down on me-
he said moodily. "I amt your kind"
81 don't look down on you," Char
lotte told him. but IL care for some
body else
He gave her a startled glance.
as 1t Jerry Ellsworth" he ques-
toned very low.
Yes" she admitted, ITS Jerry. But
we can't marry each other because
both Of our families are In debt and
there's no chance OF getting out for
years. It's such poor land. But we're
going to walt
Huh. Wait" jeered the little man,
you'll die gray headed before you're
happy II you do that"
Perhaps" she agreed, with n
shadow on her face, but you see,
Jerry and | have known each other
since we were babies. We lived next
door to each other, and we played being
married when WAS In pima You
see. couldn't care for any one else,
Mr. Andrews
mo, you couldn't" he admitted.
Then ms he sat looking down at her
frail figure. at the delicate face with
the halo Of red gold hair. he burst out
"Oh, look here. I'm no dog In the man
ger"
She looked up, startled.
"If can't have you. | amt going to
keep him from having you," said the
magnanimous Mr.. Andrews. What's
the matter with Ellsworth coming into
my Office | need man to help me
and I'm making fortune In real es-
tate. 1t Will pay him better than
farming. and it won't be long before
he can pay of his family's debts and
yours too
Jerry, hearing his name. came up.
Mr. Andrews wants you to go into
his office" Charlotte repeated breath
lessly.
Jerry stifrened.
"Mr. Andrews is very kind, but
can't
The little fnt man looked at him
wistfully.
See here. Ellsworth, YOU needn't
think it's favor to you. It's for her
sake I'm doing 1t and for her happi-
ness. Don't you go and let your pride
spoil It,"
Charlotte looked from her friend to
her lover.
Il think we should take 1t in the
spirit 1t is offered. Jerry" she said.
Ellsworth held out his hand to the
man In the car. I'D be cad If |
didn't" he stated. ITS pretty fine
thing you are doing, sir
stop that" Andrews said sheep
ishly, land climb in and let me take
you home" and as the lovers settled
themselves In the wide back seat he
flung over his shoulder the final en-
phatlc statement:
II mint any angel, but I amt dog
in the manger, neither"
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1908-11-07
Domestic Repartee.

John" said Mrs. Binks, II wish
you'd give Jimmie a good hard spank
ing. | can't get him to take his bath,
and he's about as dirty as he can be-"
"Oh, | don't think dusting his jacket
will clean him up" returned John.
Il don't want you to dust his Jacket"
said Mrs. Binks. Il want you to soak
him for fair. r."-Lippincott's Magazine.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1908-11-07
Willie Has Such an Active Brain.

''Was Daniel really such wise man.
mamma|' asked Willie thoughtfully.
Eyes. dear. rs wise almost as Solo
mon, Willie"
"Well, mother bet Solomon would
have done better than Daniel did. any
way" continued Willie.
"Why, what do you mean, my SOM"
"Ill betcher Solomon would have had
sense enough to charge admission
when he went into the lions DEM
Ladies' Home Journal
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1908-11-07
THE POSTER EVIL.
How to Prevent Advertising From Be
coming Public Nuisance.


coming a Public Nuisance.
A most unbcautiful thing is the
poster advertising in towns where no
ordinance controls the placing of the
posters. These advertisements, even
when new. are obtrusivc. When old
and tattered they are very ugly. Let
influence be used to get an ordinance
limiting the placing Of such ADVERTISE
ments and absolutely forbiddiag the
placing of them upon the sides of
stores. barns. outhouses or dwellings.
In st. Louis all out of door adver-
tiScments are placed upon boarding eS-
pecially erected for the purpose and
nre painted. no pasted posters being
allowed, A small town cannot expect
to adopt such a rule as this, but 1t can
regulate the advertising so that 1t will
not become IL public nuisance. And this
special rule can he adopted and en-
forced that the persons who put up an
advertisement shall take 1t down or
have 1t taken down before 1t becomes
an eyesore. The club can do a great
deal to bring about right public
opinion In this respect. Especially can
it urge upon property holders the i'm
propriety of letting patent medicine
men, whisky sellers, circus and the
atrical companies use their fences,
outhouses, etc, for the display Of their
advertisements.
Do not undertake too much In i'm
provement work. That is Il good rule
Failure weakens future effort There
fore In the days Of inexperience under
take the simple thing that can be ac-
complished. Success will breed sue
cess. and before long the society will
find itself able to cope with matters Of
great NTH and moment
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1908-11-07
Reminders.

The enterprlsing manager of little
lyric theater in northern Pennsylvania
believes in profiting by the misfortunes
Of others. One day he displayed the
following sign In his house: do Not
Smoke. Remember the Iroquols Fire"
So great was the efficacy OF this that
before the end of the week he put up
another: "Do Not Spit Remember the
JOhnstown Flood"
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1908-11-07
NeiahhorlY Comment.

Mrs. Caller-Mrs. NeurIch Is a pc
culiar woman.
Mrs. Uppson-lndeed!
Mrs. Galleries.. Why, | really be-
lievc she thinks more OF her dog than
she does of her little boy.
Mrs. Uppson-I don't doubt 1t. The
dog has famous Chicago
News.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1908-11-07
Good Family,

my daughter appears to have mar
ried very happily" remarked lady.
"Her husband has not wealth, 1t must
be admitted, but he has family"
"Yes. l heard he was a widowcr
with six children!' neighbor shifted
acrilly
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1908-11-07
The Other Bows Fault.

Mother-l hear you were at the foot
Of the class last week, Tommy Tom
my-'Twasn't my fault. Johnny Smith,
who's always at the foot, was sick at
hOme.-Circle.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1908-11-07
Sicns,

"Do you believe In sgns?"
well, I must confess that when l
see man wearing one proclaIming
that he Is deaf and dumb get a little
shaky."- y."-Philadelphia Ledger
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1908-11-07
Paradoxical, but Plain.

There is one thing which, while al
ways lively proceeding, is yet dead
ISSUE
"What is that?"
"COntelting Will" - Baltimore
American.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1908-11-07

Common sense in an uncommon de-
gree Is what the world calls WISDOM
COleridge,
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1908-11-07

II YOU wish to reach the highest, be-
gin at the lowest. .-Syrus.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-06-19
NAME HIS RUNNING MATE
NJ HE WISHES TO DO SO.
Secretary Taft So Advised by Wire, but His Reply Not
Yet Received Dolliyer Stock Goes Up
Protest to Roosevelt

CHICAGO, June 1s.-The preslden-
tial candidate will be permitted to
name his running mate. il he SO de-
sires. No sooner had the convention
adjourned to-day than Mr.. Taft's im-
mediate supporters set to work to as
certain his wishes regarding a candi-
date for the vice-presidency. They
wired him direct, and pending his re-
ply refused to voice any opinion as to
the probable outcome of the ballot:ng.
There was renewed talk in the in
terest Of Senator Deliver. There was
a growing belief that Secretary Taft
would declare for the Iowa Senator
and it was freely expected that he
would be nominated in case the prefer
ence should be known before the be-
ginning of the ballotins tomorrow.
In a caucus of the New York dele
cation tonight, 1t was unanimously
voted to back with the whole State
strength. seventy eight votes, the can
didacy OF Representative James Sher-
man, Of Utica. In accepting the caucus
instruction to present Sherman's name
into the caucus Tomorrow. State Chair
man Woodruff said that he had been
informed that the candidacy of John
Hays Hammond had been withdrawn,
and that II desired by New York, Colo
RADIO would therefore give way on the