davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1908-07-08
RANrsHED THE BORE.
A Remedy That pampened His Ardor
For Sittinu.

The head of bureau in an impor-
tant government department has long
been afflicted with friend who calls
upon Him regularly and sits down and
sits and sits and goes on sitting till
assault and battery becomes virtue.
The other day this sedentary bore was
in the full exercise of his functions
when suddenly the official, who had
been scrutlnizing him closely. cried: II
knew 1t, was sure of it! Confound
those office boys, with their tricks ON
strangers They've been putting glue
on your chair again. Hi, Jimmie, bring
q sponge and a pail of water!" And,
pressing with all his weight on the
shoulders of his victim to keep him
down, he continued: Don't stir; you'd
tear the cloth sure. Nothing Is half so
adhesive as glue on a cane seat chair.
Here Jimmie, moisten this gentleman
so that we can get him loose. Don't
spare the water; the cloth won't shrink
or fade" The faithful messenger
obeys. and when the operation Is con-
cluded the official conducts the visitor
to the door and bids him farewell. with
the remark: perhaps you want TO hur-
ry home and change your clothing, so l
won't keep you. Goodby, bless you! If
your trousers are spoiled let me know,
and I'll stop the price of them out of
the pay of the internal scoundrel If
can find out who he was, and to that
task will devote all the energies of
my lifetime and the whole machinery
of the government. Goodby! The
scoundrel! I thought for several days
past that there was something wrong
His friend goes like the visions Of
youth, never to return.-Argonaut.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1908-07-08

The owner of an estate had the mis-.
fortune to get charge Of shot in his
legs from the double barreled gun Of
an inexperienced sportsman The keep
er FASTENED to his master. you're not
dead, are your" he cried. "Of course
I am not, you fool!' said the squire.
rising. "Wel. sir, not seeing you get
up after you were shot, | thought you
must be dead" remarked the keeper.
"Get up after was shot-not r. re-
sponded the squire. "If. had got up,
the idiot would have given me his 9TH
er barrelr'-London Scraps.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1908-07-08
1T WAS GENUINE.
The William Shakespeare Signature
That Admiral Luce Had.

The William Shakespeare Signature
That Admiral Luce Had.
Admiral Luce was In command of
the north Atlantic squadron in 1885,
and his flagship for time was an
chored in New York bay. where 1t
was visited by many people. One day a
party came aboard which included
among Others very pretty girl and II
very dignified and learned Englishman.
them in his cabin he aNied the pretty
girl if she would like to see an original
autograph of William Shakespeare.
At this the dignifed and learned
Englishman pricked up his ears and
remarked that he had made study of
the autographs of, Shakespeare and
was positive. there was no authentic
example in America. Admiral Luce re-
piled that he was very positive his was
authentic and that its genuineness had
never been questioned. This made the
Britisher quite mad, and he delivered
a lecture on the fraudulent autographs
and manuscripts that were brought
over to America and exhibited as orig
inals..
"Well," replied the admiral, 81 am
convinced that my autograph of Will
liam Shakespeare is genuine, and
am going to have the pleasure of show
ing it to this young lady," whereupon
he went to his desk, took out his WIS.,
itors book, turned back few pages
and then pointed out the signature,
"William Shakespeare, mayor Of New
Orleans, Jan. IL, 1885," The English
man gave a painful gasp and retired.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1908-07-08
The Birth of Christ.

The exact date of the birth of Christ
is unknown. Among the early churches
there was no agreement as to the date
of the Nativity, some celebrating 1t in
April or May, others in January. Dec
25 can hardly be exact, for 1t falls in
the rainy season of Judea, when shep-
herds would not have been watching
their flocks by night in the open. The
December date came into general OBJ
servance naturally, but gradually.
When the heather races Of the north
were Christianized they simply substi-
tuted for their Yule celebration in De-
cember the observance of the birth Of
Christ.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1908-07-08
SENSE IN EXERCISE.
The Weakness That Comes With Great

The Weakness That Comes With Great
Muscular Excrtion.
1t is curious fact that perfect health
Is not consistent with high muscular
development Professional athletes and
all men who acquire phenomenal
strength seem to lose In length of life
and activity what they gain for Il few
years of record breaking powers. | was
privileged to see on several occasions
Louis Cyr, the Canadian giant, who
broke all weight lifting records He
weighed 320 pounds and was all solid
bone and muscle. | saw him hold his
wife out at arms length with one
hand. saw him raise $50 pound
barrel from the floor to his shoulder,
using only one hand and arm.
saw him get down on all fours un-
der Il platform bearing 1000 pounds
of big men selected from the the audi
ence, and lie raised the platform with
his mighty back. Yet this remarkable
man was muscle bound and crippled
at thirty-seven, when he should have
been at the height of his wonderful
powers.
Kennedy, the oarsman. who won q
diamond belt for lifting with his hands
from the floor absolutely withDu APP
paratus thousand pound weight was
used up and crippled before lie was
forty. Dowd, professional strong man
and teacher of athletics. wore himself
out and died at forty seven.-"Common
Sense In Exercise" by Charles II.
Cochrane, in Metropolitan Magazine.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1908-07-08
Labor Savinq Device.


"Yes, slree." said the freckled lad
proudly, my dads genius, he ls."
"That sv?'' responded the weary cof-
fee mill agent.
"Waal, should say so! Dad noticed
that every time the old hound came
around Sunday mornings he began
wagging his stumpy tail"
Anything unusual in that, sonny?"
"No, not for the hound, mister, but
dad got up the idea of attaching a
shoe brush and a whlsk broom to Bow
ser's tail. Now when dad is ready to
go to meeting his shoes are shlned and
the legs of his trousers are busted
without his moving finger. BY gosh,
dads got as much brains as furrln
diplomatp'-Detroit Tribune.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1908-07-08

Henry" said the young wife, who
had taken up physical culture, "how
do you think l am built?"
my DEAR" replied her husband fond
ly, "you are built like watch"
THANK you, Henry. And, Henry?"
"Well."
Tiff am built like a watch, don't
you think I should have a few jew
els?"
And then Henry frowned and said
the man who compliments woman is
an idiot.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1908-07-08
Looking Backward.

A Mississippi official tells of a col
ored citizen of that state who gave a
justice of the peace a big fat possum
as a wedding fee.
A year after the justice on meeting
the darky asked:
"Joe, how do you like married life?"
"Well, sah," answered Joe ruefully,
"all I kin say is I wish I'd eat dat pos
sum-"
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1908-07-08
Too Hazardous,

"Yessir," admitted a waiter, 'T shall
be compelled to throw up my situation
here"
Indeed! What is the matter?"
more than can put up with. The
governor insists on my eating mush-
rooms in the presence of customers to
prove they are edible fungi."-London
Tit-Bits.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1908-07-08
No End Of Trees.

did your ancestors have a family
tree, Mr.. MaguireT
Family tree, is 1t, ma'am? One of
ne ancestors controlled tn intire tim
ber privilege of the garden Of Eden."-
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1908-07-08
The Best Authority.

Hettie-Harry is a man always to be
trusted. He has never deceived me.
Clara-But how do you know that?
Hettie-Know 1t? Why, he told me SO
himself only last evening = Boston
Transcript.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1908-07-08
Vindication.

The Lady Ito hastily retreating bur-
glar)-Pardon me. but won't you please
walt till my husband sees you? I told
him there was some one In the house,
and he said "Rubbishw-Harper's Ba-
zar.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1908-07-08
Very Thick.

II wonder why Damon and Pythias
were such great friends?" queried the
young lady who writes type between
meals.
"They were like couple of girl
chums, l guess" rejoined the bachelor
with the ingrowing hair. Got so thick
they couldn't see through each other"
Chicago News.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1908-07-08

An Irish philosopher says it's great
blessing that night comes on late in the
day when one Is too tired to work
longer.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1908-07-08
A Satisfactory Compact.

At golden wedding celebration the
groom of fifty years agone referred to
the perfect unanimity and concord
there had existed between him and his
wife during the long years of welded
life.
Said he: when we were first mar
ried we agreed that she should settle
all the small differences that occurred
and all the large ones. This rule we
have adhered to. She has always set
tied the small disputes, and, my
friends, there have never been any
large nes."-Lippincott's Magazine.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1908-07-08

He who doubts his ability to win has
already fallen behind in the rnce.-
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1908-07-08
r--..---- 49,
AN ALLlTERATlvE ArLEG0RY.

Serene Susanna sits beside the stream.
Where timid trout are trying to attain
The gourmet glory of the golden CLEAN
OF flies for which the foolish flsh are
faln.
She baits her bended barb and bends her
back
To trail the tempting tidbit In the tide,
or lively leaps there Is n lasting lack
But biteless beauties boldly there abide.
At last the lass. alas. allured by love
OF angling. avid In the ancient art.
Outbends the brooklet's beetilng bluff
above
And strains her strength the struggling
stunt to start.
Susanna slips. so slick the slmy sod.
She smites the surface with a smoth-
cred shrlek.
She weighs three hundred pounds. and.
by the rod.
She splashes all the fishes from the
creeki
-Robertus Love In New York Sun.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1908-12-11
IF You Read This

Il will be to learn that tho leading nedi.
cal writer's and teachers of all the several
schools OF practice recommend, In tho
strongest terms possible, each and every
ingredient entering into the composition
OF DR.. Picrce's Golden Medical Disct very
for the cure of weak stomach, dyspepsia,
catarrh Of stomach, "liver complaint"
torpid liver. or bliGuSneSS, chronic bowel
affections, and all catarrhal diseases Of
whatever region, name or nature. 1t is
also a specific remedy for all such chronic
or long standing cases OF catarrhal affec-
tions and their reSultantS, as bronchial,
throat and lung disease texcept consump-
tion) accompanied with severe coughs. 1t
Is not so good for acute colds and coughs,
but for lingering, or chronic cases 1t 10
especially etlicacious In producing per.
feet cures. 1: contains Black Cherryba
Golden Sea! root. BlCodr0Ot, Stone root,
Mandrake roo. and Queens roOt-all of
which are highly praised as remedies for
all the above mentioned affections by such
.minent medical writer's and teachers as
Prof. Bartholow. Of Jefferson Med. Col
!ege; Prof. Hare yst the Univ. Of Pa;
psts pgSt Esa y2sss cSs,sn H Prof. S jssS ssn
King. NJ; Il OF Cincinnati; Prof. John
NJ. ScuddeI(M. D., Of Clacinnati; Prof.
Med. CSHccr Ch't,.I. aai scores Of
0therS<e36ai,T er:.i!c..: in their several
SchQG%0f practicc.
The -Goldea Medical Discovery. Is the
only -Rcdleln,; Ill LII ..Arr sale thrQug6
druggists ior liz: IuIpoc1--lhat,ha IuIpo>1e-S- lhat, has any
such pr01L: 2%...1l % crdGrSScWeentt-MoEth
more than ;.GY Il.LMlbcrInt ordiparY teSll-
N0lIaIs. Open publicity OF its formula
Is The best possible guaranty OF its merits.
A glance ut this published formula will
show that rGolden Medical Discovery"
har f,1n ho htt.
forming drugs and no alcohol-chemically
puro. trlple-retined g. lycerine being used
Instead Glycerine is entirely unobjec-
tionable and besides Is most useful agent
in the cure Of all stomach as well rs brOn-
chial, throat and lung affections. There
Is the highest medical authority for its
use in ali such cases. The Discovery. Is
q concen = -atod glycerlc extract OF native.
medicinal roots and Is safe and reliable.
A booklet of extracts from eminent
medical authorities, endorsing Its ingro-
dients mailed free on request. Address
n. ID pioroo Buffalo N "
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1908-12-11
Strictly Busincaa.

Sir" began stranger as he walk.
ed directly up to 4 business man. u
am strictly on business"
$50 am l."
Good, | believe every man should
furnish money for his own tombstone" I"
$50 do l."
Good again. l want to raise $25
to pay for a stone over my grave
What assistance will you render the
enterprise? want a business an
swer"
"You shall have 1t. sir. Unless you
Immediately take Your departure I viii
aid the enterprise by furnishing tbs
cprDse"
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1908-12-11
VIOLIN MAKER AND REPAIRER

AINLN
Special attention given to restoring old
vlolins, repairing bows, mandolins, gui-
tars, 'cellos or bass. Many vioIins are
weak on some strings. l can strengthen
them and equalize the tone. Satisfat
tion guaranteed.
J.L. COATES.
o2O South G St..
Tacoma Wash.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1908-12-11
1T 'a5hlnOtou Standard
lSsgto fyEaY FRIDAY tvEnIHs ey
JOHN MILLER MURPHY
Editor and Proprietor.

subscription Rates.
Per year, III advance e...... 30
Adv~rtisinR Rates.
oIe iuare dnch) per year. .&l2 oO
per quarter. ........... 90
One sIuare, one insertion. ....... ! OO
subsequent Insertions. 50
Advertising four squares or upward by
the year, at liberal rates.
Legal notices will be charged TO the
attorney or officer authorizing their inser
ton.
Advertisements sent from q distance
aud transient notices must be accOmpan.
iei bv the cash.
Announcements OF marriages, births
and deaths inserted free.
Obituary notices. resolutions Of respect
and other articles which do not possess a
general interest will he inserted at one
half the rates for business advertisements.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1908-12-11

II there is any one duty which more
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-05-10

plain enough to any one at all ia
miliar with legislative proceedings
that the writer of that record" set
out not to enlighten the public, but to
victimize Mr.. Little. The latter has
been chairman of the most important
senate committee, the judiciary, con-
tinuously ever since the first state
legislative session in 1889. During
that time several thousand bills have
been referred to this committee.
Everyone knows that the most vi.
cious bills are introduced under the
most benign titles. The writer of the
article in question. picks out a few
titles of bills that read well, ignoring
the substance of the bills, and because
Mr.. Little did not support them, leads
the uninitiated to believe that it was
because he did not favor good laws.
Furthermore, 1t frequently happens
that several bills are introduced hav-
ing practically the same law in view.
Then the committee selects the best
and smothers or recommends that the
others be killed: otherwise the law
books would be In confusion. Mr..
Little's assailant finds him guilty of
being against the duplicate bills that
had to be killed. Such unfair assaults
are contemplate, and there isn't a
saint on earth who would not be
found wanting # weighed in such
false balances.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-05-10
Political Comment
From the State Press
From the State Press

supplement which the Herald printed
and which the progressive Republic.
ans paid for, but the poor newspaper
men who are running it in their ma.
pers get nothing. That's right. bows !:
print all that kind of stuff Won can
get the newspapers to run for moth.
ing; then bite Off your own nose lust
to spite your face; it is all the same
thing. In the meantime Mr.. Little
will continue to put up a clean fight
and gain strength from both factions,
No Opposition Of Moment to Gill
breath.
Mandan Pioneer: The opposition
if any, to w. G. Gilbreath. who ia a
candidate for denomination to the of.
flee OF commissioner of agriculture
and labor, will be insignificant. It
has been through the untiring efforts
OF Mr.. Gilbreath that the Office of
commissioner of agriculture and la
Dor has come to be recognized by the
general public as one of the most i'm.
portant offices in the state. Commits
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-05-10

We are personally acquainted with
Mr.. Titles attitude in the state SEN
ate, and while not agreeing with him
there in some matters, have many
times been impressed with the fdel-
ity and tireless energy and ability
with which he represented his con.
stituents and stood for what they
wanted and what their interests re-
quired. We sincerely hope that the
successor of Mr.. Hansbrough, who
ever he may be, may make In Wash
ington as good record for fidelity to
the interests Of the state as is Mr..
Little's record for fidelity to the inter.
ests of his legislative district. If this
Is done the people of North Dakota
will have no cause for complaint.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-05-10
REPUBLICAN STATE CONVENTION

b the Republicans Electors. State of North
Dakota:
In accordance with instructions from the
Republican State Central Committee con.
Repubiiean Party 81 this state viii Be held
It the Opera House in the City Of Minor,
THURSDAY. MAY IA, 1908,
at II o'clock in the forenoon, for the pur.
alternates to represent the state of North
Dakota in the national convention of repub.
licans called to meet in the city of Chicago
on the 10th day of June, 1908. to nom.
United States; and also to nominate four
presidential electors to be supported at the
bext general election, and for the trans.
actIon OF such other business as may be
The basis of representation in said con-
vention shall be the average number of votes
cast for the two republican candidates re-
ceiving respectively the highest and lowest
vote in each county in the state at the last
general election in 1906 Excluding judges
OF the supreme court, superintendent of
public instruction and railroad commission
ers), giving two delegates at large to each
organized county, and one additional dele
gate for each 100 republican votes or major
fraction of 100 votes, cast for the above of.
hcers at said election, except in the new
counties Of Adams, Bowman, Dunn and Het
finger, which shall be entitled to three dele.
gates each in addition to the two at large
fer each county.
Attentlon OF the various county committees
is called to the fact that the choosing of
delegates to the national convention and the
nomination of presidential electors are exempt
ed from the provisions of the act of 1907
and conventions should be held under the pro-
visions of law existing in the last national
campaign year of 1904. (Sections $4,000 Re-
vised Codes 1869
The different counties in the state will,
under the superintendent herein provided, be
entitled to representation as follows:
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-05-10

sioner Gilbreath's great immigration
work through the North Dakota Mag
azine has done wonders in the up-
building and development of the west.
ern part of the state. The people of
North Dakota want the great work of
setting forth the states wonderful re.
sources continued through the office
or the commissioners, and they have
learned from experience that Gil.
breath is the right man for the place.
Harvey Herald: Commissioner Of
Agriculture Gilbreath made another
one of his eloquent addresses at the
capitol in Bismarck at the Arbor day
celebration. Mr.. Gilbreath is not only
hustler for North Dakota, but an
orator as well, and should it ever be
necessary for him to stump the state,
he would win larger following than
ever.
Cando Herald: Commissioner of
Agriculture w. C. Gilbreath has been
one of the best hustlers North Dakota
ever had. During the years that he
has been commissioner he has never
lost an opportunity to boost for the
state, and 1t is most largely due to
his efforts that the thousands lof new
settlers who have come to the state
In the last five years have been at
tracted here by his tireless and sys-
tematic efforts in advertising North
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-05-10
REPUBLICAN, NATIONAL CONVENT
TON
To the Republican Electors of the United

To the Republican Electors of the United
States: .-...
In accordance with established custom and
n obedience to instruction of the republican
rational convention of 1904, the republican
ational committee directs that national
invention of delegated representatives OF the
publican party be held in the city of CHI.
lso, in the state of Illinois, at 70 o'clock
BON on Tuesday, the 10th day of June, 1908,
br the purpose of nominating candidates for
PRESIDENT and vice president to be voted for at
me presidential election, Tuesday, November
s, 1908, and for the transaction of such other
business as may properly come before 1t.
The delegates-at-large and their alternates
shall be elected by popular state and territorial
conventions, of which at =, least thirty DAYS,
PAPER of general circulation in the respective
state or territory. =
The congressional district delegates shall be
congressional committee of each district, of
which at least 80 days notice shall have
been published in some newspaper or news
Dapers of general circulation in the district;
where there is no republican congressional
committee, the republican state committee shall
be substituted for and represent the congres
sional committee in issuing said call and max
ing said publication; and provided, that dele
gates both from the state at large and theil
slternates, and delegates from each congress
ional district and their alternates, may b
elected in conformity with the laws OF thu
i tatc III WHICH ciSClioH oSCuSS PAoN!oSo
he state committee any such congressional
pmmittee SO direct; but provided, further
bat in no state shall an election be so helt
fessional district and their alternates bein,
elected by the republican electors of tina
district.
All delegates shall be elected not Garlic
ihan thirty days after the Gate of this call
md not later than thirty days before the dat
Of the meeting of the next republican nationa
convention.
The credentials of each delegate and alter
nate must be forwarded to the secretary o
the republican national committee, at Wash
ngton, D. c., at least twenty days before tn
bte fixed for the meeting of the convention
use in making up its temporary roll.
liner DOVER, Chairman.
Secretary.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-05-10

cause he is a resident of my district and his
past political record for eighteen years in the
senate of North Dakota has amply demonstrat
ed that he has always stood for the best in.
terests of the Missouri Slope, and because
consider him the peer of any candidate now
aspiring to. that Office.
Very respectfully,
T. ID. HUGHES.
For Member of Legislature
To the Voters of Burleigh County:
hereby announce my candidacy as a re-
publican for election as member of the
house Of representatives and solicit your sup
port and vote at the primary election to be
held in June.
promise, if elected, to see that, as far
as am able, every person has fair deal,
and all interests of Burleigh county will be
looked to the best of my ability.
Respectfully,
G. w WOLBERT.
For Member Of Legislature
70 the Voters of Burleigh County:
From this date up to the primary election
% be held on the oath day of June, 1908,
s,lal be candidate for member of the
house of representatives from the Twenty.
seventh legislative district as republican,
and i respectfully solicit the support of the
voters of Burleigh county.
Respectfully,
H. L. READE.