The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1908-01-17
THE SP!MSTER and
THE BACHELOR
AN ARGUMENT OVER THE
ETERNAL FEMININE

Bundles of contradiction, that S
what you are every fathers daughter
OF you" muttered the Bachelor. The
roets speak of you as wise and WON
an!y, serene and calm, ministering
an"els, and all the rest OF II, but you
aren't-you are just incomprehensible
women. You say mo- when you mean
yes you can't count except on your
fingers; you speak of everything you
possess from paper Of pins 20 a box
Of bonds as your things and you
always sit on the floor to put on your
shoes and stockings. Deny ii If you
can"
81 deny nothing" answered the
Spinster "If did should be deny
ing what goes to make for charm in
my sex. If we were not Incompetent
s,ble, apd bundles of contradiction, as
you call us; If we, were plain and
straight and uneventful as road
without a turning, you-all of YOU
would find nothing in us to speculate
about. You can lose yourself in a
maze; you can't get lost on straight
road"
ALSO you use old when you want
to say damn" went on the Bachelor
imperturbably, as though he had not
been interrupted. 'Horrid old thing,
she's copied my spring hiatt How
often I've heard that remark bubble
from angelic lips in fury of rage.
And This old dress is a sight and L
never did like that old rug. anyway
Why don't you come out and say what
you really mean?"
Because we never really mean it,"
said the Spinster, wisely. mo woman
ever really means damn Old ex-
presses much more to her because
women have such a contempt for most
old things. Besides, what's the use
of getting into a white heat over in
animate things as men do? I've lost
my collar button scores Of times, had
it rod under bureau and chairs and
couches, and had to plump down on
all tours and crawl around after it,
but it has never yet made me swear
and kick the furniture about
81 love a man who loses his tenn
per on occasions, and / have a con-
tempt for a man who doesn't But
surely lost collar button isn't an oc-
casion.
Once I remember bicycling along
\ very dark road with two men. We
we're riding Indian file because only
one of us had a lantern. We were
going at clipping pace and sudden
", without warning, we smashed
into a tollgate pole which the keeper
had let down and forgotten to put a
light on. 1t was a terrific crash One
Of the wheels was completely demol-
ished, and we were all more or less
bruised. AS we picked ourselves up
rom the debris ! looked from one
nan to another Resides an anxiety
to know If | was hurt there wasn't a
sound, and presently l exploded
Won't somebody swear?' l said flu
iously."
Did they?" asked the Bachelor
milling.
They did not" answered the Spin
ster. Yet they were just the men
who would have turned the air blue
over lost collar button. Incompre-
hensible woman, indeed! 1t is man
Who is the incomprehensible creature
"All women are alike. At least you
can count on the unexpected from
them. But men are entirely different
When you expect man to be furious
= angry you look up and catch him
aiding smile You look for the
smile. and he is swearing, with the
veins standing out on his forehead.
He may not add on his fingers, he may
say yes when he means yes, but you
cannot count on his moods and tenn
ners for five consecutive minutes"
THAT is because a man is usually
law unto himself" answered the
Bachelor, loftily.
And women are not?" queried the
STinster with the air of one who
wished TO learn.
And women are not" repeated the
Bachelor, imperturbably. You see,
women are excessively self-conscious.
They are always wondering what other
NOnlSU NOuiu W. III line
stances. They are rarely willing to
establish precedents or even to follow
their own inclinations in conventional
matters. and almost everything is a
conventional matter to a woman
Nov, you see. you thought those
men should swear because you con-
s.dered that, conventionally, it was
the correct thing TO do You never
stopped to argue with yourself that
Il would have been rather blackguard-
~ for them to string out oaths in
your presence, no matter how many
were ohurned up In their minds.
think ii not only showed very prop
CT respect for you, but remarkably
GOD self-control."
Nonsense" said the Spinster, sharp
y. 1T was one time when | would
willingly have overlooked the loss of
self-control. Besides. you are only
bearing out the truth of my own ideas
lat you never can count on what
man is going To do in any given
circumstance. Do YOU know you are
very trying person to argue With
Gam ~" caid the Rachalor hriqht