The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-05-17

with Castro blew over.' said the Hotel
Clerk
who's Castro?" inquired that pa
tient and lOng-suffering seeker after
truth, the House Detective of the Hotel
St Reckless
He's one great little guy. is Castro. "
said the Hotel Clerk. He's the .presi-
dent of our sister republic on the Mon
roe side of the family, the delightful
little country of Venezuela. The prin-
eipal products of Venezuela are yellow
fever. the asphalt trust, informal 5
o'clock revolutions, with or without
frock coats, and Castro. But Castro's
the most important. He's the boss of
the works. He has a name like d new
liver pill, and the lower slopes of his
face are encumbered up as far as the
frost line with stunted pine and dwarf
furze, but he has a large displacement
when he begins to rotate the propel-
lers. He has a disposition like a two
inch length of blasting fuse"
i know who you mean now" said
the House Detective. It's a case of
touch and go with that lad, amt it?''
1T certainly is" said the Hotel
Clerk. But formerly when he touched
somebody and tried to go, they'd halt
him. Germany or England would send
a competent fleet of those chunky Eu-
ropean war vessels down TO Caracas
and make a demonstration"
''Wots a demonstration? asked the
House Detective.
We'll, it's like this said the Hotel
Clerk. IF I should come to you. Lar
~, and rest the cold, fCTbidding nozzle
of a large gun against the lobe of your
ear while I frisked your raiment, that
would be highway robbery. But if I
was a big nation and you small one,
and I should do the same thing. then
II would be a demonstration. and you'd
have no cause for complaint. Our lit
tie friend Castro has taken the demon
stration degree several times. And
here the other day it looked as if we'd
have To play collection agency again
down his way. But the differences were
adjusted without an open breach. II
would've been a terrible thing if we'd
angered Castro"
why so?" asked the House Detect
i've.
He might order out the squad of
Postal telegraph messengers that he
calls his standing army. and invade
US" said the Hotel Clerk. I'm glad
we didn't get him aroused. When l
think of Castro and the Book Panatella
guards marching from New Orleans 10
St Louis, with flags and shirt-tails fly
ing and then by rebates and drainage
hired hacks to Buffalo, then by New
York Central Wrecking trains TO New
York. Thence by trolley 10 Coney,
then"
Are you gittin' altogether dippy in
your head?" asked the House Detect
i've. "WOt would the army and navy
and Teddy and Big Bill Taft and the
police force be dom when them little
smoked merchaum guys tried to 1andg'
T IL
Hotel Clerk. You're like ninety-nine
per cent of the populace of this ill
fated country. You viii go on thinking
we can lick any other nation on earth
by simply because we always have.
Why don't you read the magazines?
They're full of the peril-that and adj
vertisements of rust-prOof mattresses
and non-rehllable automobiles. Con-
gress is full OF it, too, and so is SEN
ator Beveridge and so is Secretary
I4oeb-he gets his ideas on the subject
predigested, like squad taking nour-
ishment from its mama pigeon, but
just the same. he gets them-and SO is
nearly everybody else. except the. gen
eral public. Blind, deluded creatures
that you are, you refuse 10 awake 10
the danger that menaces you. You go
along concerning your minds with the
small affairs of life. such as notes COM
ing due in the bank and easy times
that don't seem 10 be any different
from hard times except that in some
spots they're harder, when at this very
moment We are all sleeping on a pow
der mine which is liable any minute TO
rise in a mighty tidal wave and engulf
US in the quicksand of disaster like
rats in a trap. as Senator Beverage
remarked the other day in an impas-
stoned speech which he delivered to the
vice president, several pages and a
soused party asleep in the press gal
lery.
You don't seem to know what a con-
ditiOn our army and navy has got into.
If you did. you'd know Wen have to be
l.retty careful hereafter about how we
handy hard words with Patsy Bolivians
or the Terry Delfuegos, or the Michael
J. Madagascars, or any of those chaps
Right now, il the COreans, or the Fee
jees, or the Jujubeees or some other
outlying, but well-aTmed nation. should
take a notion to attack New York
practically the uniformed bodies we
could muster for the defense of the
wholesale clothing trade and the lesser
resources of our great city would be the
local letter carriers and the inmates OF
the Sailors Snug HarbOr. Anyhow
that's how the magazines figure ii out
There Yves a time once when We
could feel pretty cocky. and We did
If the fruit trust didn't like he way
the cloudy republic of Hayti was play
ing the game, they'd pass the word tC
Washington, and the next day a gun
boat would be on its way down t.
apply little of the Monroe doctrine
with the reverse English. The presi-
dent OF Hayti. who greatly resembl
the Hon. Joe Cans only he has a com
plexion that looks more like rain, would
be sitting in state with his cabinet
about him in a semi-circle, all in full
dress and with palm-leaf fans in theil
hands, discussing the situation, The
whole presenting a spectacle something
like Lew Dockstader's first part. 4
lieutenant general of the Haytian army
would burst in. drawing on his uniform
pants as he entered, and announce thai
the American fleet was without. anC
the executive council would adjourn tC
the nearest cellar. But now us Jaci
Daltons must have care, or else some
dav a bunch of William q Walker ca
dets viii be landing at Tampa, and un-