davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10

American humor exists. it distin-
cuisines the national character, it per
meates all our affairs. 1t Is not OF
aboriginal descent. 1t was not brought
from England or Holland by the IA
Tiers. It's saving grace was lacking
under Puritan rule. The humor of
Diedrich Knickerbocker Is all the
more taking because Of the absence Of
all sense of humor in the sub ects OF
his chronicle. If our humor came over
from Erin in the first rush Of immi
grafton 1t was quickly adapted to Its
new environment. 1t was modified
and changed by new circumstance
and conditions, geographical. ethnolog
ical atmospheric. Wherever 1t came
from 1t is a boon which saves us from
a lot of needless trouble and worry
New York Times
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10
THE DOCTOR
An Important Furctionary on Msr-
chant Vessels 10 the Cook.

An important 'ss~s
chant Vessels Ia the Cook.
There is one functionary on mer-
chant vessels Of all kinds who has
very much more to do with the peace
and dignity" Of the floating common
wealth than shore folks usually imag-
Inc. | refer to the cook. who Is some
times called the doctor" Why he Is
given this cognomen Is not altogether
plain, for his handiwork seldom has
any therapeutic value and In the past,
at least, has had much to do with
sending poor sailormen to doctor, If
not to Davy Jones' locker. In fact,
there was time In nautical history
when the presiding genius OF the gal
ley was In such bad repute that to
call man a '.son Of sea cook" was
most opprobrious epithet and one
that would be emphatically resented
In those days (and to some extent to-
day. the cook was .covertiy despised
by the occupants both of the forecastle
and the cabin, though the men for
rard" outwardly professed affection
for him and apparently were never SO
happy as when they could wash his
clothes or do him various other favors,
with the hope of getting supdry "ieav-
ms" from the cabin table or being
granted such privileges as Hanging
out" in the galley when rough weather
at night made the watch on deck
grateful for such shelter. In other
ways it was found highly sa1utary to
keep in good graces Of his culinary
majesty, who frequently was more
powerful person in some respects than
the "old man" himself. 1t is almost
needless to add that the more skilled
as a cook the cook was the more pro-
found was his influence both fore and
aft. But he wasn't often much In the
way Of skill. all the same.-shipping
Illustrated.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10
SENIORITY IN CONGRESS.
Experience Carries Influence - Old
Members Relied on For Work

Experience Carries Influence - Old
Members Relied on For Work.
A mans standing in congress is
gained by seniority. His influence
there comes from length Of service,
provided, of course, that it is the right
kind of service.
New men, no matter how ambitious
and jealous, have very little influence.
They do not and cannot begin their
work where their predecessors left on
Speechmaking does not bring them IN
fiuence. Work brings it-committee
work.
Members rank in their committees
By seniority. Besides, new members
do not get and cannot get In the usual
course Of things appointments to the
more important committees. These
appointments go to the tried men. who
by length Of service coupled with abil-
ity are chosen In the house for the va
cant places.
Some constituencies know this and
act accordingly. Some constituencies
ignore the fact and gain nothing by
ignoring it. In fact, they lose weight
In the councils of congress by fire.
quently changing their representatives
simply to crafty the ambitions OF To-
cal politicians-Boston Herald
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10
AN ABUSING CUSTOM.
spaniards Trick Themselves Int
Waiting Glass of Water.

epaniards Trick Themselves Into
Waiting a Glass of Water.
Writing Of experiences with Spanish
hospitality, Ellen Maury Slayden in
the Century says:
The cafes were always crowded to
suffocation, and yet we fingered past
the small hours, the men smoking doz-
ems of cigarettes and the women dip
ping bits of wafer into chocolate as
leisurely as If they had the night In
stead of the day before them. A IA
yorste drink was a thin almond milk
which looked like something for the
complexion and which, after tasting,
would have much preferred applying
externally. There was refreshing alb
sence of the highball and cocktail ele-
ment, and no one ever seemed to take
too much to drink.
1t is always amusing to see these
most temperate people tricking them
selves into wanting glass Of water.
They recommend certain dishes and
enjoy their eternal chocolate chiefly
because s'it makes one so thirsty"
Visiting a country house once, we were
invited into the dining room and l
hoped for tea. The table was elabo-
rately spread. We were seated and
each helped to delicious conserved
peach and tenderly urged to eat it to
make us want some water. When we
had eaten the peach and drunk the
water the ceremony was complete.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10
A STRANGE LAKE.
Sulphur Islands Acid Waters Will
Eat Up Boats.


Eat Up Boats.
A strange lake exists in the center
of Sulphur island, off New Zealand.
1t is fifty acres in extent, about twelve
feet in depth and fifteen feet above the
level of the sea.
The most remarkable characteristic
Of this lake is that the water contains
vast quantities of hydrochloric and sui
phuric acids kissing and bubbling at a
temperature of ITO degrees F.
The dark green colored water looks
particularly uninviting. Dense clouds
of sulphuric fumes constantly roll Off
this boiling caldron. and care has to be
exercised In approaching this lake to
avoid the risk Of suffocation. On the
opposite side of the lake may be seen
the tremendous blowholes, which wheh
In full blast present an awe inspiring
sight.
The roar of the steam as it PUSHES
forth into the air is deafening, and
often huge powders and stones are
hurled out to height Of several hun
bred feet by the various internal forces
of nature.
A boat can be lau1ched on the lake
and if proper care be observed the very
edges of the blowholes may be safely
explored.
Some idea of the strength of the acii
saturated water of this lake may be
gathered from the fact that boat al
most dropped to pieces after all the
passengers had been landed. as the
rivets had corroded under the influence
of the acids.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10
he Knew ais Rusiness.

An open moving van. piled high with
furniture. was proceeding slowly up
Third avenue In the Harlem section.
The driver, whose face denoted con-
tentment and an inclination to doze.
sat cross kneed, holding the reins loose
ly The driver had arranged a COM
Portable support for his back. This
was nothing less than framed oil
painting about 3 by feet In size. un-
covered. and with the painting unpro-
tected from the coatless. warm wealth
cred shoulder blades. A citizen hailed
him from the curb.
Hey Don't ruin that picture lean
ing against it that wayw
"Ah, g'wan!'' said the driver. Ibis
amt de first time drove furniture.
know me business"
And the van passed on.-New York
Globe.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10

Quick climatic changes try strong con-
situations and cause, among other evils,
nasal catarrh, troublesome and offensive
disease. Sneezing and snuff1ing, coughing
and difficult breathing, and the drip, drip
of the foul discharge into the throat-all
are ended by Ely's Cream Balm. This hon
est remedy contains no cocaine, mercury,
nor other harmful ingredient. The worst
cases yield to treatment in short time.
All druggists, Soc, or mailed by Ely Bros,
So Warren Street, New York.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10
Her Version of Il.

She was wee scrap of thing just
three years old, but with soul of
heroine shining out Of her great brown
eyes. 1t was her first visit to the zoo,
and the babel Of queer noises and rows
Of strange big beasts might well have
daunted her baby heart. But she
scorned to seem afraid Only when
they approached the towering form of
the elephant did she draw back.
I'm not goin' too close, papa" she
whispered; 81 might scare himT-Wo-
mans Home Companion.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10
A story About RodIn.

The Cri de Paris tells most anus
ing story If true about Rodin and some
unnamed rich American woman who
had selected him to make statue OF
herself. full length and so far as pos
sible a portrait. She had posed ten
times in antique costume when Rodin
told her that he did not need her any
more and that he would finish the
work at his leisure. When the Ameri-
can came again she found to her
amazement that the head of the statue
bore no resemblance whatever to her,
She complained bitterly that no one
would even recognize her ut Is true. :
said the great sculptor dreamily- ''Your
head did not inspire me Mt all. At first
1 thought I would not put any head on
the statue, as have been accustomed
to do of late, but after l had thought
1t over carefully in order not to offend
you put In place of your face that of
Nine. de R. She had ordered hers Of
me, but never paid for 1t. At any rate.
you will gain much by this change"
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10
The Darkest Hour.

The proverb which tells us that the
darkest hour is that before dawn" Is
inaccurate, for light increases in the
morning as gradually as it decreases
In the evening. The saying should be
"the coolest hour" etc.. which is per-
fectly true and is owing to causes
connected with the deposit OF dew,
Hoarfrosts, too, usually take place
Just before daylight and are an addi-
tional cause Of the peculiar chilliness
Of this time.-London Scraps.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10

A scientist has calculated. after ex-
tensive tests Of the density and salt
ness Of the ocean in all parts OF tE
world. that there is the equivalent OF
3.O51. 342 cubic geographical miles OF
common salt in all the known seas
This Is more than five times the mass
of the mountains In the entire Alpine
ronpp
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10

YES" said the old salt. 1--WE seen
some pretty thick fogs in my time
Why. off the coast of Newfoundland
the fog was sometimes so thick that
we used to sit on the rail and lean
against it! We were sitting one night,
as usual. with our backs up against
the fog, when suddenly the fog lifted,
and We all went flop into the water
A BIT thick wasn't it2"
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10
The Earth's Visibility.

AS we lock up through the trans
parent atmosphere on clear night
and see the moon beaming brilliantly
down upon us we may think, What
a wonderful sight the continents and
oceans of the earth would present if
we could view them from the moon"
But, according to the conclusions Of
the director Of the astrophysical OBJ
servatory Of the Smithsonian institu-
ton, man on the moon would catch
but fieeting glimpses of the outlines Of
our continents. 1.-THE true radiating
surface of the earth as a planet"
says the scientist, sis chiefly the wa
ter vapor at an elevation of 1900
meters $4,000 feet or more above the
sea level" In consequence the man
In the moon would see the features Of
the earth dimly outlined in the glare
Of light reflected from the atmosphere
Youths Companion.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10
An nuerdrassad Drama,

1t is only in the last fifty years that
the true purpose Of the theater. the
decent Interpretation of the drama
has been utterly obscured. Today
carpenters, costumers and wigmakers
throw the humble playwright into the
shade.-National Review.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10
Canals and camnheIIs-

An Irishman and a Scotchman were
discussing the horrors of living in a
prohibition state. when the Irishman
remarked:
Sure, an ye might get used to it
after awhile. Ye know they say a
camel can go eight days without
drinkin'"
"Hoot, monw retorted the other. "It's
little ye know about the Campbells
when We say that. There is ma one O.
them could go eight hours wfout a
drap o. somethin'T
Which ended the discussion.-New
York Times.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10
Man and Woman.

Father Vaughan of London, preach
ing on marriage. remarked that wo
man said to him: when you have
seen one man you have seen them all
In their moods and lenses. They are
all alike" His reply was: ut may be
so. but woman is like an irregular
French verb, and unless man studies
her in all her peculiar moods and
lenses he will misconstrue and misin-
terpret her. much to his disadvan-
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10
National Conversations.

If you see three men standing to-
gether on the sidewalk in any given
country, you can guess the subject of
their conversation. In Germany ii is
the army; in Russia, the bureaucracy;
IN France. women; in the United
States, business; in England. sport,
and in Turkey nothing at ALL Brussels
Derniere Heure
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10
painful Mennries.

Mr.. Jorkins-I wish he wouldn't sing
that song about Failing Dew" Mrs
Jorkins-Why not? Mr.. Jorkins-It re
minds me too much of the house rent
Baltimore American.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10
A Bio Swallow.

A detective was testifying in the
case of woman shoplifter whom he
had arrested in her own house.
"And, your honor" said he. when |
told her the charge she turned her
back to me and swallowed purse, six
suits of silk underwear. silver candle
stick and chatting dish. and"-
Rubbish! Are you crazy?" the mag
istrate interrupted.
Excuse me. What l mean to say.
your honor" explained the detective.
''is that she swallowed the pawn tick
ets."
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10
Strange Race Of Ancient Rritons

Strange Race of Ancient BrItons.
Among the races of humankind
which away back Of history's records
passed like clouds over various parts
Of the earth one of the most puzzling
to ethnologists is that of the early
bronze age men who dwelt in Aber-
deenshire, Scotland, and are supposed
to have constructed the special forms
of stone circles whose remains are now
found there These men differed sig
nificantly. says j. Gray, from all the
prehistoric racial types previously dc
termined in Britain They were re-
markably broad headed. and their az.
erage stature was only five feet three
inches, as shown by skeletons. The
British neolithic race was markedly
long headed. and the bronze age race.
which built the round tumuli. was also
long headed and tall
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10
Golfthalmia.

Golfthalmia is a poisonous and In
Bidious bacterium which, in my dreams.
under the powerful lens Of my heated
Imagination, assumes the shape of
something between niblick. golfers
oath and caddie's smile-my caddie's
A strange, unsightIy. grewsome, twist
ed, creeping. muttering thing. Throne
and Country.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10
Saved Her Life.

Riggs-Hear about Mrs. Titewadd!
Told her husband she would kill her
self If he didn't buy her new hat
Jiggs-What did Titewadd dof Riggs
Got estimates on funerals, found he
could save 81 by buying the hat and
saved her life Baltimore American.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10
Fish and salt.

And the mystery still lingers-why
Is 1t necessary to salt a fish caught In
the salt ocean? A sea bass caught on
Seabright requires just as much sait
In the seasoning as a black bass
caught in the saltless waters of Lake
Erie.-New York Press
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10
Stage Paint.

Painting the face on the stage Is n
barbarous custom come down to us
from the age Of oil lamps and candles.
With gas and electric light and opera
glasses for the remote seats In the
house 1t is not needed. Mask
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10
"Seeinar Plants.

Professor Darwin is right. Plants
can see-some plants. Take corn and
rye. for instance With proper treat
ment these plants sometimes see dou-
Bile. and frequently they see things
that aren't there.-New York Tele-
graph.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10
Ed of Mankind.

"Now, boys" queried the teacher of
the juvenile class, "can any Of you tell
me the final end of all mankindT'
Eyes, ma'am, l can" promptly an
swered the boy at the foot-'the let
ter '"-Exchanee.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10

Mrs. Henpeck-You were talking in
your sleep last night, Henry. Mr.
Henpeck--I beg your pardon. my dear.
for having interrupted you.-Stray
Stories
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10

Blox-Bimberly is exceedingly mod
est, isn't he? Knox-I hadn't noticed
It, Blox-Well, he never talks about
himself. Knox-Oh, that isn't mod
esty. It's observation-disclosures News
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10
Reprieve.

what, divorced already? Why, my
dear fellow l supposed you were ur
against 1t for life"
mo; 1 got time allowance for bad
behavior. PUCK.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10
A Winner.

Tommy-Ma, may play make b'lieve
that I'm entertainin' another little boy
Certainly. dear. Tommy-All
right: gimme some cake for him then
philadelphia Press.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10

The difference between mans hand
shake and the wag Of a dogs tail Is
that the wag is always sincere.-Mar-
ion (Ga.) Patriot.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10

III you have pains in the back urinary, blad
der or kidney trouble, and want certain
pleasant herb cure for womans ills, try
and never-failing regulator. At druggists or
by mail, so cents. Sample package FREE.
Address, The Mother Gray Co., Leroy N. I.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10

What is everybody's business is no
body's buslness.-W Walton.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10

One day is worth two tomorrows
Have you something to do tomorrow
Do It today.-B. Franklin
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10

For the noblest man that lives there
still remains a confict.-Garfeld.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10

l could hardly feel much confidence
In man who had never been imposed
uDOn.-Hare
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10

!sa8
Tie /
BuTrrMInto,Fr-|
NonthlY
ssTHB MOST BEAUTIFUL MAGAZINE
IN THR WORID's

Sxct0f11 &1rT@9MD
'sTnE MOST BEAUTIFUL MAGAZINE
IN THE WORLD
and the one magazine that Is different
from all others. 1t contains so or
more superb pictures monthly exquisitely
printed with fine art tone ink, many Of
the pages being in colors. The magazine
is bound with silk cord but in such .
manner that it may be easily taken apart
and
The Pictures Framed
There Is enough good reading matter to
make the magazine the most attractive
periodical published.
Ask your newsdea1er for the current
number. If he does not handle it, send
us his name and address with IoNr name
and address for sample copy. Regular
price rs cents. Mention this paper and
address
BURR MeNTOSH MONTHLY
4 West 22n& Street New York City
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10
The Resemblance.

'sThe buckwheat cakes at my board
ing house always remind me Of a base
ball game"
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-11-10

"The batter doesn't always make a
hit."-Puck.
Omaha daily bee., 1908-08-06
GIRLS ON SIDE OF LoGASA
Court House stenOGraphers win Sup
port Him on His Hymeneal
Platform.

The announcement of Mr.. Logasa, candi-
date for state legislature. that he will,
when he gets to Lincoln, introduce a bill
making marriage compulsory after a GER
tain age, has gained the support OF at least
one Influential portion OF omaha's citizen
ship. a
The votes which are controlled by the
photographers at the court house are per-
haps not many. but their Influence is great.
Mr.. Logasa was told Wednesday morning
that II he would promise faithfully to carry
out his announced intention, the girls In
the court house offices will form a march
ing club, and when Logasa Is elected they
will carry him in triumph TO the state
capital.
No officers nor meeting places have been
arranged as yet. but Logasa ia giving the
movement his active sanction. 80 1t must
succeed. AS the happy father OF eleven
children, Logass refuses to be driven from
his ompus marriage ideas by any less
blessed married men. and ne will defend
his views at the meeting OF the Sixth Ward
Republican club at Twsnty-fourth and
Burdette streets this evening.
Omaha daily bee., 1908-08-06
SUIT FOR DAMAGE OF GRAIN
Nye-scbneider wants Great Western
TO she'll out SIX Thousand
Dollars.

A hearing in the matter OF the Nye-
Fowler Grain company Of Omaha
against the Chicago Great Western Raj way
company for about 81, 800 damages in a grain
storing transaction is being heard before
Special Master A. r. Moore in the United
States court room Wednesday.
Tn Nye-Schneider-Fowler company OF
Fremont alleges that during the year 1901
II shipped lO6,ose bushels OF No. 2 hard win
ter wheat from Fremont 10 omaha and
had the same temporarily stored In two Of
the big grain tanks of the Independent
Elevator company until the elevator OF the
Nye-Schneider-Fowler company could be
made ready for the reception Of grain, and
that when the grain was taken from the
Independent elevators, owned and controTled
by the Chicago Great Western Railway
company for transfer to Its own elevators
that the quantity was s4 bushels short,
that a large quantity OF the grain was
badly damaged, being bin-burned, moldy
and caked, and that the aggregate damage
hus sustained was IS, 1856. SO, for which
amount damages are asked. The claim
was sold by the Observation-Disclosures
company OF Fremont to the N~ye-schneider-
Fowler Grain company Of Omaha.
The evidence in the, case showed that one
vator company was In a damaged condition
and had been patched with burlap ind ole d,
makeshifts.
The hearing occupied most of the day
and the evidence will be submitted by the
special master to the receivers OF the Great
Western for it's consideration and action.