The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1908-08-20

yelled Abner. you've plotted with
Bige Ellet to make fool of me. But
amt goin' to let ye do it. I'm goi1S
home this very minute"
There, there, Abner!" said Miss
Simkins solicitously. do try and
calm yourself
'T'H try, Sereny," he replied meekly.
You see, num-" explained the doc
tor. "they always act that way when
they have hysteria. They always
think you are trying to torture 'em.
| II you'll kindly get some cloth, mum,
and some mustard, we'll make some
plasters. Let's see." Bige was hunt
ing for something under his chair. His
handkerchief was stuffed in his mouth,
! and he was blue in the face. We'll
! need one plaster for his chest, another
for his back and one for the sole of
each foot"
You're not goin' to pat them fool
things on met howled Abner, sitting
up and glaring as il he was going
stark mad. Il tell you, amt goin' to
let We make any bigger idjit OF me
than We have already"
''Mebby we'd better chloroform him, y
suggested Bige. "Mebby we'd better
strap him to board
Its too bad to have to put these
things on anybody" soliloquized DR..
Lavender dryly while he and Bige Ell
let were affixing the plasters. would
not wonder but they'll disfgure him
| for life
as it is, goodness knows" added Bige
sympathetically.
Go ahead and taunt me-" growled
! Abner in muft1ed voice from the en-
vironment of his disarranged clothing.
There" said the doctor finally, fas-
feet. "Now we must keep him warm.
| He ought to have couple Of blankets
and three or four bedquilts on top OF
him.
"Sereny," observed Abner a few
moments later. peering out from be-
meath mountain of bedclothes like a
| rabbit peeking from under straw
stack. II don't feel like l was very
long for this world. I'm a half cured
ham covered with mustard. feel
| like moldy old sandwich" He turn
ed his face toward the wall and
sroaned
"Oh. Abner," said Miss Simkins
cheerfulIy. do try and bear up, Alb
| ner.''
And, Sereny." be resumed weakly,
when they take them poultices often
me I'll be the reddest Moon anybody
ever saw. I'll be so lurid that won't
dare to go home for fear Of givin' my
! children the scarlet fever"
There, there" crooned Miss Simkins
cheerily; don't you go to worryin'
about them children, Abner."
He turned and looked at her tender
| ly. 'Sereny," be said, would you
really like to look after 'em-always?
Would you care to marry He
paused suddenly and rolled his eyes
like one in mortal agony. His breath
| came in gasps. His mouth was wide
open. -
"Fire! Fire." he roared suddenly,
trying desperately to push the covers
| off. I'm ablaze from one end Of me
to the other. I'm ragin' confagra-
| ton. In just three minutes there won't
be nothin' left Of me but a bed of
Goals. I'm sufferin' spontaneous CON-
bustion, l tell ye! Won't somebody
! please put me OUT"
Miss Simkins wrung her hands in
fright "Oh. DR.. lavender" she cried
"Oh, Mr.. Ellet. Do something for
him, can't you?"
"Iebby I'd better throw a bucket Of
water On him." said Bige. ''Mebby I'd
better turn in a fire alarm"
"Consarn ye," groaned Abner. Il
want We to take them things often me.
They've drawed my wishbone and my
spinal column together already, and
the soles Of my feet are clinging to my
kneecaps like stone bruise to a boys
heel"
BE there any blisters on ye?" asked
DR.. Lavender
There's just one" snorted Abner
but it's bigger than barn. door and
I'm right in the middle of it,
'Too bad" said the doctor solemn.y
When plasters take effect as quick as
that it shows his nervous system is Il
total wreck" He opened his medicine
case, took out bottle. shook it AMI
held it between him and the light
I'm afraid. num- he resumed sad
~, I'll have to give him a dose or
this. after all. ! hate to do it. but its
the only chance left us He poured
little into spoon Abner was
watching him with a norid but anx-
| fOus face
1T may cure him num-" he re-
sumed gravely. IF it does. he will be
a well man in ten minutes, but if it
doesn't. mum. it will Kill him deader
than nit
Abner clutched the bedclothes con-
vulsively He tried to speak, but be
could only gurgle like cider pouring
| out of a jug. and cold sweat broke
out all over him.