West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1908-08-20
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TAIrtlRDJTENNER
BY o. HENRY.


or little old ten dollar bill
In New York would be moth
Ing more than n whisper. oh. very
Wen! Pass up this soto voce autobiog-
raphy OF an y IL you like. IL you are
one OF the Kind that prefers TO listen TO
John DIS check book roar at you through
megaphone as II passes by. all right.
But don't forget that small change can
gay word to the point now and then.
he next time you tip your grocer's
clerk n silver quarter to give you extra
weight OF his boss goods read the four
words above the lady's head. How are
they for repartee?
L am ten dollar treasury note. Sc
ries OF 1901. You may have seen one I'm
friends hand. On my face, In the
center, Is n picture OF the Bison ameri-'
canus, miscalled a buffalo by fifty or
sixty millions of Americans The heads
OF Captain Lewis and Captain Clark
adorn the ends. On my back Is the
graceful figure OF Liberty or Ceres or
Maxine Elliott standing I'm the center
or the stage on conservatory plant.
My references is-or are-section 1858.
revised statutes. Ten cold. hard dol
@rs-I don't say whether silver, gold.
lead or iron-Uncle Sam will hand you
over his counter IL you want to cash
me I'm.
1 beg you Will excuse any conversa-
tional breaks that / make. Thanks: 1
knew you would. Got that sneaking
little respect and agreeable feeling to-
ward even an Y. haven't you? You
see. tainted bill doesn't have much
chance to acquire correct form OF ex-
preston. l never knew n really cul-
tured and educated person thnt could
anord TO hold ten spot any longer
than IL would take TO do an Arthur
Duffy 10 the nearest that's all sign or
delicatessen store.
For six-year-old I've had a lively
and gorgeous circulation. | guess I've
paid as many debts as the man who
dies. I've been owned by n good many
kinds OF people. but q little old ragged
damp. dingy five dollar silver certif.
cate gave me Jar one day. was next
to 1t In the fat and bad smelling purse
of n butcher.
Hey, you Sitting Bull" says |,
don't scrouge so. Anyhow, don't you
think It's about time you went I'm on n
customs payment and got reissued?
For series OF 1899 you're sight"
"Oh, don't get crackly just because
you're buffalo bill!" says the fiver.
You'd be limp, too. II you'd been stuff
ed down In a thick cotton and Isle
thread under an elastic all day and
the thermometer not degree under 50
In the store"
II never heard OF pocketbook like
that" says /. WHO carried your
"A shopgirl." says the five spot.
Whats thatT' had to ask.
you'll never know till their miller
mum comes says the hver
Just then n two dollar bill behind
me with George Washington head
spoke up to the fver:
Jaw, cut out yer kicks. Amt lisle
thread good enough for yeri If you
was under all cotton like I've been to-
day and choked up with factory dust
till the lady with the cornucopia on me
sneezed half n dozen times you'd have
some reason to complain
That was the next day after | arrlv-
ed In New York. came I'm n $500
package of tens TO n Brooklyn bank
from one OF its Pennsylvania CORE
spondents, and haven't made the ac-
quaintance of any of the fivc and two
spots friends pocketbooks yet SILK
for mine every time.
| was lucky money | kept on the
move. Sometimes / changed hands
twenty times n day. / saw the inside
OF every business. l fought for my
owners every pleasure. 1t seemed that
on Saturday nights l never missed be
ing slapped down on n bar. Tens were
always slapped down, while ones and
twos were slid over to the bartenders
folded. ] got i'm the habit OF looking
for mine, and | managed TO soak In n
little straight or some spilled Martini
or Manhattan whenever / could Once
l got tied up I'm a great greasy roll OF
bills in pushcart peddler's jeans. /
thought I never would get in clrcula-
ton again, for the future department
store owner lived on g cents worth OF
dog meat and onions n day. But this
peddler got into trouble one day ON nc
count of having his cart too near n
crossing, and I was rescued. ! always
will feel grateful to the cop that got
me. He changed me at cigar store
near the Bowery that was running q
crap game In the back room. SO IL was
the captain OF the precinct, after all.
that did me the best turn when he got
his. He blew me for wine the next
evening In Broadway restaurant, and
really felt as glad TO get back again
as an Astor does when he sees the
lights of Charlng Cross.
A tainted ten certainly does get nc
tion on Broadway. ] was alimony
once and got folded In little dogskin
purse among a lot Of dimes. They
were Dragging about the busy times
there were I'm Ossining whenever three
girls got hold OF one Of them during
the ice cream season. But It's slow
moving vehicles keep to the right FOR
the little box tips when you think OF
the way we bison plasters refuse "a
stick to anything during the rush lob
ster hour
The first ever heard Of tainted
money was one night when q good
thing with Van to his name threw
me over with some other bills 70 buy
stack Of blues.
About midnight big. easy going
man with fat face like o monks and
the eye OF n jonltor with his wages
raised took me and n lot Of other notes
and rolled us into what is termed q
"wad" among the money tainters
Ticket me for FIVE hundred" said
he to the banker" and look out for
everything, Charlie. I'm going ont Tor
stroll In the glen before the moon.
light fades from the brow Of the cliff
II anybody finds the roof I'm their way
there's 10000 wrapped IN a comic sup.
piement in the upper left hand cor.
ner Of the safe BE bold Everywhere
be bold. but be not bowled over
Night"