Sequachee Valley news. (Sequachee [Sequatchie], Tenn.) 1896-1952, 1908-01-02

"What are the bugles blowin' for"
Said Bach lor on parade;
tits New Year Day, it's New Year
Day."
The Woman Halter said.
"What makes you look so white, so
white?'
Said Bach lor on parade;
''Pm dreadin' what we've got to
face,
The Woman Halter said.
''For Leap Year is upon us,
And the girls will use a wire,
They'll hook us like a poodle
When the licenses expire,
An they'll dump us in the wagon
An we're off to find squire,
For they're laying for the bach'lor
In the mornin' ="
The big bet for this month will be
Taft. The Atlantic fleet will approach
the Horn with bent spy glass, looking
around for Japs. Japan will have a
slack month at the Nagasaki navy
yards, and will build only twenty sew
en- more war ships The guess or
Roosevelt future for this month will
be that he will become Congressman
after he leaves the White House, and
will go into the ring with Williams
and DeArmond. Mr.. Bryan will walk
around the Democratic nomination
with hammer, to see if there is any
place where he could nail it down.
Money will continue shy, rising out of
range and flying eight miles. Mr..
Lawson will put his mask on and go
back into the game, jobs will continue
to run when they see you coming, and
sometime during the month Mr.. Nor
gan will decide whether he has all the
money he wants now, or if he will con-
tinue the panic.
After the Goth we shall be under the
influence of Aquarius the water car
rier, the eleventh sign of the Zodiac.
Under this favorable sign, Prohibition
will establish about eighty more storm
centers, booze will run another mile in
nothing south of the Mason & Dixon
line, and Carrie Nation will work
with hatchet in each hand. To
quote an Omar of the Oklahoma de-
sert,
Hush little bar room,
Don't you cry
You'll be drug store
By and by.
January was named after Janus BIZ
irons, known as 1.-TWO Faced Janus. 3"
: He was the originator of what is
known as 1.-THE politicians life-saver. )"
A wave of prohibition was sweeping
Rome, and Bifrons, a candidate for
the Senate, had to declare himself one
J way or the other to every third man
he met. But he was foxy Dago, and
when he was asked, ''Do you drink
: BifronsY'' he would slyly ask in re-
turn, SIS this an invitation, or do you
| Just want to know?"
} Rome had gate named for Janus.
1t led from the Palatine to the Quirin-
' al Hill, and was closed only when
1 Rome was at peace with the world.
, This occurred but four times-under
Numa, Augustus Caesar and Vespas-
5 ian, and after the first Punic War.
] julius Caesar kept the gate open wider
than anybody. Just to satisfy himself
that no other Roman had ever had
: anything on him in this respect, he
d once drove twenty loads of hay
t through the gate abreast, as against
record of fourteen loads. Caesar was
great joker, and his favorite puI
\ was made at this gate Riding through
when the sun was setting, he pointed
at the sunset with one hand and at the
I passing railroad construction crew
I with the other and exclaimed to hi
0 lieutenants, Behold, the day goes -
i Another year mark well the rhyme)
Has Joined the Host of Father Time.
. A few more solid banks will burst
u To many trusting ones disgust.
u The widow recently bereft
= Will pop the question right and left,
{ And luckless man, of Leap Year butt,
" Will scramble for the tall uncut
The sport in Congress will consist o
battles with the .horney fist, the gen
tleman Missouri bred will call SOM
Pc one noodle head they'll clinch ant
bite each others cheek, the frightened
galleries will shrek, the Speaker viii
} get out a gun, the man from Arkansa
{ will run. the sergeant will bolt
,, through door, the clerk will cllm
! the chaplain's back, and the air vii
/. sound VITA Biff and Whack, the Wa
+ Department will turn out, the Senat
e will get i'll the bout, and Fairbank
: with triumphant cry, will black Be-
% Tilman's other eye the President vii
is get his hat, his boxing gloves an
IS trusty bat, and will exclaim on com
ing back, "All's quiet on the Po to
mack -
After that we shall have very pleas
% ant weather The moon will be tu
- on the 18th, and persons we neve
le heard of will be mentioned for wee
--.1z. III. E;gb Ho ,.rituap fol