The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-05-30
DRIFTW0oD
Bx PHIL U. AnMsTneNe.

nie and Ms~sE sne 'uni s'e'e'
 An anti-kissins league has been but don't be aisrmsd--it.s only to put stop to women kissing each other.
 Live in your incodhe and you won't have to live in hopes all the time.
 shirt-wsists for men were nat pop. ular. Doubtless because a man Isn't very voluptuous looking object in peek-a-boo.
 This is one kind of deep-laid scheme" remarked the turtle as she deposited an egg on the bottom Of the ocean.
 Now they say Mrs. Guinness was not the original merry widow, but the bury widow.
 wen match Mortgomery's aggrega- ton of pretty High School Girls against anything Hollertng Houston, Nutty Nashville. Rotten Richmond, Benignted Buffalo or Arid Atlanta can trot out for nowhere on earth be there such'
 An authority now says that singing is a cure for consumption. We khow a red-headed girl who's singing gv,9,ne W9n,e a sudden end to hts earthly sufferinss'
 Clarence is very near sishteo'
 He certainly is. He can never see an ice-creani sign when am out with him. I call that extremely near
 when--oh when---will some photo. eraphers learn that a woman eoesnt care whether a picture looks ike her or not just so long as 1t is prettyF
 We have seen hotels ths. sard dian,t mt haye ays thing on the bill ot rare put ny specks.
 The artist draws the model and the model draws the salary
 Give a girl a kodak and she will soon develop taking ways
 Poetry and real estate VIII rnImsH nSt Was mss requested by . firm to write verse and he wrote this: xr.r,a
 we have for sale a isFss enSs,p 5rams fos dweiling--the owner is enurp ;nr and green and every window has screen
 Charles Dana Gibson has decided to return to pen and ink work ana tean wan Girl Series.
 Hardly anybody can look very grace full eating corn off the COD.
 When a pretty girl eats onions It's .s 2 sign that she has had quarrel with him.
 Most women would risk a big waste of money for small waist for them" selves.
 young woman of Gotham strained bsr neck when her beau started to KISS her the other night. Montgomery glFls are not that bard up tor Kisses
 s there sSy %,s to sR @etsay i.ot1si some we have heard are the limit
 coney Island has iuported. the nephew of a noted bandit as an nas- as.nas- tie.
 They're now talking of running Adiai Stevenson as Democratio oan"'us'o for Governor of Illinois.
 There were 12,5oo. 900 shingles man ufactured in 1907. How many spank' ings does that represent?
 What has become of the oid-fashion" ed tin-type?
 Saws The Rochester Union Advertiser; .sxvhst shall be done with the gradu- ates of Harvard and other great uni versities. who commit the most dast" ardly outrages upon Engllsn sran- mar?" Set 'em to writing street Advertising verses, is our guess.--bdI- '~tS or better stnl. make song-writers out of 'enl.
 author speaks of the heroine's ala baster" neck. On the next page he saws Little Esther fell upon the he- roines necK and wept. The .t only ittis Wdy that we can figure itsout IS that Llttle Esther had a hard fall.
 Put the Soft Pedal On. Whenever you start in to Knocking some one.
 Put the soft pedal on.
 when you go out to have nothns but
 Put the soft pedal on. '
 Whenever a fair summer maiden you Who's dainty and sweet from her head When you a1' start into raptures-well. say>-be discreet-- Put the soft pedal on.
 When you're married and wifey gets angry at you Put the soft pedal on.
 when you fly on the handle and say what you'll do Put the soft pedal on.
 Take my advice and you'll never SC If you want married life to run smooth. If you wdnt it to seem just like one 1 grand sweet song Put the soft pedal on.
 The following paragraph from the priftwood-Arnnstrong" column of The | Montgomery Advertiser, of course re- | fers to mem Don't worry about the size of your legs--stand on your mer- its-it's much more important. ob- | serve closely the quotation marks. - Columbia (Tenn.) Democrat.
 "The Montgomery Advertiser declares that the way to Texas editors heart Is through his stomach. Pshaw! That's not original It's an old saving of wives regarding husbands Rich mond News-Leader.
 Don't marry the first girl you fall In love with; wait until you've seen the rest" advises The Montgomery Ad- vertiser Why. of course not. If you cannot-Richmond News-Leader.
 TWO PRESIDENTIAL ROOMS.