davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-03-28

from Hamlet l fairly brought down the
house. l remember them yet. They go
- Laugh and the world laughs with you:
Weep. and yop weep alone
and so forth
Il tell YOU" resumed Mr.. Tawney.
there's whole lot of philosophy in
that man Shak-'
And then they fell on him. and up to
date his knowledge of Shakespeare has
cost him five dinners. And Col. John A.
Joyce and Ella Wheeler Wilcox haven t
been heard from yet either.
IS x X
Representative Littlefeld of Maine.
whose resignation as member oe the
House was announced last Monday. is. as
| most people know. dyed in thew
prohibitionist. Mr.. Littlefeld is mighty
proud OF his record. too. and isn't back
ward upon occasion in mentioning that
he has never taken drink Of intoXicat-
| ing liquor in the good Lord knows how
many years. One day last week he made
a remark to this effect in front of a
couple Of members who. with Mr.. Little
| field, had been of the congressional party
that went on the big junket to the Philip
| pines with Secretary Taft. Nick Long
/ worth and company a couple of years
ago. One of these gentlemen took him
up on the spot
! "Littlefield." he said. you're way off
Why, / myself have seen you take drink
! and you seemed to enjoy it. too. What's
| more, l can prove 1t by anv number OF
witnesses"
| Mr.. LittlefeId didn't lose his temper
but he got very solemn in about a second
Remember" continued his colleague
that bottled charged water with the fan
cy Filipino name that used to drink
on the transport going over? You do:
Remember too, that we never offered you
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-03-28

ter. and that gave me a certain feeling of
relief. l know a nightgown when l see
it spread out. At any rate, my long.
fruitless quest was at an end, even If
there were other difficulties and humilia-
tons to encounter.
This Is where you get n.ghtgowns,
Is 1t not? I said to the young woman
who approached me with obvious reluc-
lance.
We'll. they're sold here she replied,
corre"tively. jabbing at her hair with a
lead p-ncil.
THE women on the revolving steol in
front Of the nightgown counter turned
about and stared steadily right into the
my face and nudged each other. Some of
them made remarks to each other. then
smiled saturninely, then looked at me
some more. Several of them. somewhat
| austere-looking elderly women, shifted.
Their shifts told me as plainly as words
that they considered me an intrusive, In
tentionally malignant individual who had
come there for the sole and deliberate
purpose of annoying women at women's
legitimate occupation. which is shopping.
Two quite young. frivolOus-appearing
young women on stools near the end Of
the counter snickered audibly, and l
caught the word 'Buttinski' from one OF
them. The reply of this ones companion
did not catch in full, but / did catch the
words Miss Nancy And / don't know
which I felt the more Inundated over,
the 'Buttinski' or the Miss Nancy
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-03-28
LIVERY now and then there's para

"FERY now and then there's para
n graph in local paper or perhaps in
- dispatch sent out from here, that
has to do with things political. mention of
''cloakroom gossip at the Capitol. To tell
the truth. II Is doubtful whether half a
dozen people, outside of those who live in
Washington or who have been here in d
more or less intimate capacity at one
time or another know what the Capitol
cloakrooms are like. In fact, from a re-
mark innocently dropped by friend of
mine from Egypt. H.. once upon time
and who may be taken fairly repre-
sentative. at least. of several million ordi-
narily intelligent folks-I'm quite sure
they haven't an idea.
Il never could understand" said this
simple-minded person. apropos of Il COM
ment of mine some cloakroom bril-
liancy, how it was this great govern
ment couldn't provide something better
than cloakrooms for senator's and repre-
sentatives to use when they are not work
ing. but have to be there just the same
l have no doubt that this modern Egyp-
tan had pictured in his minds eye a
cloakroom all cluttered up with assorted
garments in even the best of weather. and
made uninhabtable by sogsy. mud-splat-
tered goloshes and dank. smelly rain
COdls on wet uaSS-aS the only place to
which patriotic but pestered statesmen
might resort when tagged or in need of a
smoke.
The reality is so different as most of us
who live here are well aware. for the re-
publican and democratic c1oakrooms. of
the House. for instance. furnished
with such attention TO solid comfort-not
to speak of luxury-as to make the lOung-
Ing room of the ordinary club look like
parlor In Thrums. by comparison. There's
a serumptiously thick carpet. perfect
flock OF astonishngiy comfortable chairs
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-03-28
field of Maine has decided to say Howdy.
do-Good-bye, with a hyphen.
IRVING C NORWOOD.

IRVING G. NORWOOD.
II don't believe YOU ever saw anything
like this before. did you auntie." said q
Washington matron the other day In
Union station. half amused by the wonder
on the face of her country relative whom
she had just welcomed from an incoming
train.
Lands sake Martha. No. indeed, This
must be a million times bigger than our
station { home
En- route to the front entrance the old
lady stopped suddenly. An expression OF
perplexity suffused her countenance and
then happy smile such as one gives an
Old friend whom he hasn't seen for many
months.
Well, who would a thought it, she
exclaimed. 'Ain't it just the .tsal place
for chicken house,
! Chicken house, Why. auntie what Go
you mean? Where's any chicken house,"
"Where-where? Why all around you.
Martha. Amt those cute little wooden
chicken coops? But they certainly are
small Just think OF turning this grand
building over to chickens
Suppressing a smile with difficulty. the
city-bred woman tactfully explained that
they might be intended for chicken houses,
but she thought it more likely that the
dozens and dozens OF little wooden COOP
affairs all over the floor of the big waiting
room are intended to protect the pipe
connections of a heating apparatus until
the arrival Of the small radiators.
And then she added. mentally:
| why. half of Washington has been
wondering if they are chicken coops and
no one seems to know exactly what they
are for. / guess poor, dear old auntie
| isn't so hopeless. after ALL
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-03-28

what sort of nightgowns do you
wish?' inquired the young woman behind
the counter. quite indifferently.
oh. any kind l said. eager to get
away and quite forgetful of my wife 9
instructions to get plain, inexpensive
night gowns.
Something rather nice? asked the
young woman.
oh, certainly. certainly. she'll want
them nice-they're for my wife. you
know l mumbled. keen to vindicate my
Hugh! for his wife" l heard one Of
the austere-lookinS elderly women on a
stool near me mutter. AS if a man s
wife would permit him to buy night
gowns for her. Likely She took no
pains whatever to subdue her tone, and /
caught every word.
What size? asked the young sales
woman, and l had that all pat for a
wonder and remembered it: size sixteen,
l told her.
This is a pretty style said the young
woman. producing a garment spraddled
over with much lace and with a lot of
tiny blue ribbons running through parts
of it.
Yes yes. it's pretty-is it size six
teen?' I asked the young woman.
'"SiXteen.' said she.
Have you another one like it in the
same siZe?' | asked her.
she had. and she produced it.
"'All right-I'll take 'em BOTH l said
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-03-28

had shipped or taken berth as a pas
senger on one or other of the many sail
ing ships that had left Callao before my
arrival there.
There was nothing doing in case like
that, with not only chilled but an OBJ
liberated trail. and so l returned to head
quarters feeling pretty cheap over my
failure to nab man afflicted with such
telltale aff1iction as the suffering habit
"A couple Of years later 1 was walking
along Market street in San Francisco
when / ran smack into a man who bore
such a remarkable resemblance to the
half dozen different photographs that I
had of the Little Rock cashier who had
baffied me that l gave him the halt. He
did the How-dare-you thing from the
start; and when I found out that he
talked as straight as I did. without even
a symptom of the suffering habit 1 had
a lonesome feeling that he couldn't posi-
bly, be my man.
But his facial resemblance to the pho
tographs was SO strong that I picked him
up, anyhow, and with the aid of a cop
took him to San Francisco police head
quarters. I never let out chirp that l
didn't believe he was my man. even if
did feel a heap doubtful about him. but
had him taken back to cell.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-03-28
Burglar Grateful, Anyway.

When mans apartment is burglariZed,
and the burglar carelessly oTerlooks the
big roll and the chamois bag full of jew
els that reposed at the bottom of the
chiffonier drawer, under the Numbered
petticoats and things-when this happens.
why will the robbed man brag to the re-
porters that the burglar didn't get the
main package, and, even so, why will the
reporters print that brag? Isn't it ever
supposed, by any chance. that burglars
read the papers. like other folks? Be-
cause burglars do. you know; they surely
do. Proof thereof:
The sumptuous apartment of a family
living on Riverside Drive was plundered
one night last week while the folks all
slept blissfuly. Nearly all of the good
silverware was lifted, and some articles
of feminine jewelry that had been left
in an unoccupied bedroom, and so on. The
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-03-28

elry and clothes. and she got large heap
Of the rest Of the bundle in cash. The
bank levied on her possessions. how
ever, after Schrieber's flight and most OF
the stuff was taken away from her. There
was a sale of her gewgaws and clothes
and gear at the apartment where sne
lived, and 1t looked like a bankrupt sale
Of Paris department store. Annie Hart
died of consumption within less than a
year after Schrieber made his getaway.
But the extraordinary feature In con-
nection with this case Is that Schrieber
made his Jump good. and has kept 1t good
ever since, despite the fact that he had
one of the most give-away aflictions
which could possibly be fastened on to a
man In his situatiOn-that is to say. he
was g. sufferer: not an ordinary occa-
sional sufferer who suffered only when
worried or excited or embarrassed. but a
most astonishing continuous performance
sufferer, who could hardly get a word
out without screwing his face into knots
and rubbing his shoe on the back OF his
trousers leg. and all that sort Of thing.
1--WE all thought that for sure thing
Schrieber's suffering habit would make
him easy to nail. He would be bound to
give himself away. sooner or later. we
considered. seeing that at the time the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-03-28

like that when they're written down
they're bound to appear as II they re
made up out OF your own head. SO 10
speak Here follOweth one OF them. l
don't expect anybody to believe IL, yet IL
Is absolutely true.
A few afternoons ago I attended sale
Of furniture and art objects at q resi-
dence In 40th street The woman who
owned the stuff to be auctloned of had
proved herself to be an undesirable citi-
zeness for that neighborhood. and she
was giving up the establishment on a
tip from the police. The furniture and
pictures and things made a very beautiful
show.
In the large crowd of connoisseurs. men
and women, In attendance at the sale
was a chorus girl whose picture, In null
titudinous poses. often appears In the New
York papers. She is one gorgeous piece
of work-if you like that type. And she
certainly does live comfortably. so she
does. on her $ls week wages as show
gtrl-a twenty room apartment. with four
baths and six servants, right here in
New York. and a couple OF trips abroad
every year. and yachts and such brave
doings. She certainly must know how to
manage to do II.
girl companion, and both Of 'em much be-
dizened and got up regardless. She was
so wild to be In evidence that she bid on
every old thing. even bidding against
herself at times. and constantly flashing
a bank roll the size of prize squash at
the Rockville fair.
Well. the auctioneer eventually put up
a splendid copy OF the Venus de .siilo-
a copy executed by an Italian sculptor
of renown.
Several folks in the crowd wanted it,
and the bidding was pretty steady and
steep. But the chorus girl who was
standing on the outskirts of the throng
to give herself more room to flash around
In. and who couldn't see the articles be-
ing auctioned off very well. stuck right
out in front Of the other bidders. At the
finish the Venus de Milo was knocked
down to her.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-03-28

but he surely was a wonder. I asked pa
II it took much learning to be a Haute-
Eeoler. and he said you had to be a pro-
fessor OF balloon first, and then a ST.
gnor, who throws swords at people with
out hitting them, and then you might be
a Haute- Ecoler il you were lucky. I
couldn't see how that kid Huate-Ecoler
did all those things before he was grown
up.
At last they had ten men and ladies in
snaky green tights go way up in the roof
and twirl around on the trapezes enough
to give you the teeters. Gosh. l wish
could do those stunts and then take that
awful plunge down into the net and
bounce and bounce and twiddle your feet
when you're getting your balance.
After the chariot racing and the bare
back standing races and things where
they always had the winner picked be-
fore the bell sounded. the show was over.
On the way out I saw the sign Freaks
This Way" I wanted to go in and see the
freaks. but pa said 1t was feeding time
for the freaks, so we went home.
But. gee. I'd like to go again tonight.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-03-28

as miraculous, at that, considering how
minor a position he held in the bank, that
he was able, during a period covering
little more than half a year, to steal near
ly quarter of million of dollars; and
not only steal It, but cover up his tracks;
for the bank folks never knew that he'd
got a cent of their cash till he had got
clean away, with nearly a ten-day start
on them. He made his jump on the day
his vacation began. and nothing wrong
was suspected until he failed to show up
at the wind-up OF his vacation. Then
they took look. and found that they
were nearly $25OOOO shy.
Most of this money Schrieber blew on
the good thing workers Of the Tenderloin.
He literally tossed money away, and 1t
was nothing for him to loosen up for
$1,000 or $1,000 night. The great bulk
of the money. though. went to tall.
pretty and rather accomplished Tender
loin blonde named Annie Hart. Schrieber
bought her one necklace of pearls that
set him back $1,000. All told he bought
her something like $4,000 worth OF jew
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-03-28

counter-'Nightgowns
And such is the whimsiness of the
law of chance. / never hit it right until
I'd slouched through almost the entire
lingerie section. Each time. too. the
young woman to whom l put that one
word 'Nightgowns. looked sharply at
me. as IL 1 had requested her to join
with me In an attempt to blow up the
store with dynamite. Moreover. the lin
gerie section was crowded with women
shoppers-there was a sale of some sort
in progress The women occupied all
Of the stools in front Of the counters
and stood two or three deep behind the
stools. So that. in order to calculate
that feeble word, 'nightgowns.' for the
benefit of the young woman behind the
counter. / had to squirm in among the
women shoppers. sitting and standing:
and, one and all. they regarded me with
the keenest resentment. Their baleful
glances seemd to inquire Of me why !
didn't stop shopping around where didn't
belong: why I didn't go my way and
behave and mind my own business.
Actually, / believe now that l must
have been Keeling about like drunken
man when l finally pulled up at the long
counter where nghtgowns were sold.
Such was the effect of the strangely hos
till. scrutiny to which l had been sub
jec, from the instant l put foot In the
lingerie section.
IAN ornate nightgown was spread out
full length from a rack above this coun-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-03-28

state OF coma, particularly after one or
those frequent occasions when the APP
propriations committee has been shelled
by all the great guns on both sides or
the House.
Tother day Mr. Tawney hobbled into
the republican cloakroOm. fell into a
chair and began to complain bitterly OF
democrats on his mind and corns on his
feet.
There's nothing in this business" he
remarked, gloomily. to half a dozen OF
his colleagues sitting round. You catch
1t coming and you catch it going. Wish
to heaven I'd stuck to one of the two
trades in which L was successful"
And what might they have been?
somebody asked.
WELL" replied Mr.. Tawney. in perfect
seriousness. Il started out as black
smith and did we'll at that, and then l
became an actor"
Were you a good actor" some one
inquired. through the folds Of a laughter
muffllng handkerchief
so my friends said" replied Mr.. Taw-
ney. with deadly profundty, gazing
dreamily into space through cloud OF
cigar smoke. And l never played any
but the best roles. l was just trying to
think which one of that fellow Sha-
Shak-Shakespeare's characters that said
let me see. what was 1t he said?" and
Mr.. Tawney wrinkled his brow fearfully
'Oh, yes he resumed. II remember
1t was In MacLear and
'In what?" yelled a listener.
NO. no said Mr.. Tawney. entirely
undsturbed. Il don't mean MacLear;
" Is thinking Of King lambeth.
There was a loud shrieking silence for
a moment and then a member lifted his
cOuntenance out of a leather-covered
sofa cushion long enough to inquire,
Don't you mean Hamlet JIM"
Certainly remarked Mr.. Tawney
with considerable asperity. that's what
meant Anyhow, I remember that
whenever l recited those famous lines
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-03-28

elephant-pa said lady elephants only
performed and the men elephants was too
wild-started to lie down on a Teller
with all foU~ paws spread out. 1 was
afraid one of those circus hired men
would scare her and she'd squash the life
out of the man.
And then some one let out holler and
said that Capt Somebody. the world-fa-
nous skee jumper. was going to take a
header down the soapy slide. Well, that
Swedish gentleman went to the top of
long slide and hitched on his skees! and
then the man who runs things bellered
out: Let her co. And down he came.
just a-iipping all along that soapy slide.
Pa said he'd seen men go down the
creased skids on 'sllee before. but ma said
that this was no place for ribald remarks
about club life.
Pa said this was a truly delightfully."-
delect A BILE advertisement.
Just then in came twelve far-famed
leaders of the Haute- Ecole. who were GO
ing to do stunts on horseback and in
coaches. One of the Have Ecolers was a
kid just like any of the kids at school,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-03-28

burglar made a cleanup amounting to
about $4,000.
But he didn't get the sure-enough val
liable gear. The head Of the family
croaked gleefully as to that when the
reporters called upon him.
why he chortled. there was $1,000
worth of jewelry In little safe, and the
safe was unlocked, behind the cabinet in
the library, and the burglar didn't even
go into the library. What dye think o.
that? Pretty lucky for us. eh? Well, I
guess!'
And the reporters duly wrote this and
1t was printed.
Now. the thing having got that far.
wouldn't you naturally suppose that the
folks with the $4,000 in the little yn-
locked safe behind the cabinet in the
library would remove the Jewelry from
that repository. or at least lock the safe,
or something? OF course you naturally
would. But there seems to be widely
prevailing idea. first that burglars never
revisit the same place-just because light
ming is enormously said never to strike
twice in the same place-and second.
that burglars being unable to read or
write. never take peek at the news
papers.
Well. any way. this burglar revisited
that same Riverside Drive apartment just
four nights later, and the $4,000 worth of
jewelry was still in the little safe behind
the cabinet in the library, and the safe
still was unlocked, and the burglar
snagged the gauds just as easy as slid
ing down hill, and made a good getaway
again. He left little pencil-scrawled
note on the library table. which read this
way:
Much obliged for putting me hep. old
boy. We need folks like you. Why don't
ed
Guide?'
The "old boy" however. seems not to
possess any sense of humor. and now he's
ba wiling around about inadequate police
protection and things. instancing the fact
that his apartment was visited twice W
the same burglar within four nights. The
idee!
CLARENCE L. CULLEN.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-03-28

H ,sss' s"s @o9s' i. %s" to IA, Sa,
4 chase anything that Is offered
for sale In a public place; but only the
oretically," observed the low-voiced man.
"OnIy theoretically. because you possess
a right IL you can get 1t; and If. In trying
TO get 1t. you find yourself fiouted'
despised and scorned you are liable 10
abandon your pursuit Of the right. and.
therefore. 1t becomes a right. as 1 say.
only in theory.
II am speaking now OF my attempt yes
terday to purchase a couple OF night
gowns for my wife. / succeeded In the
attempt. But the case would have to be
very desperate indeed before l would try
II again.
MY wife is in bed with the grip. Her
washerwoman went back on her couple
of weeks ago-ill. presumably-and my
wife hasn't been able to look for another
washerwoman. The linen has been pilinG
up. and yesterday my wife discovered
that she didn't have a change of night
gowns Women are extra particular about
their nightgowns. you'll have noticed.
when they're i'll in bed. with the doctor
calling regularly and friends dropping in.
We'll. we have only one servant, and
she couldn't be sent downtown on a
nightgown- purchasing mission. for she's
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-03-28
Special Correspondence Of The Star

NEW YORK, March 81. 1908.
- ERHAPS you have never dined in a
butcher shop.
You couldn't have in Washington.
anyhow. because In Washington the folks
enterta ain certain rococo-one might almost
say palaeocrystic-ideas about sertain
things. Eating amid human surroundings.
with civilized table napery and silver and
things. Is one OF these antiquated. but
etubbornly maintained. ideas in Wash
ington.
Partaking OF food In a butcher shop.
however. is the neoteric idea in III OIL
Moo Yawk. These merry divvles OF Moo
Yawk "Bohemians." wastrels and scatter
lings that they be. are having a very
old dickens OF time at these butcher
shop. meat-macerating parties. Already
there are about dozen OF these butcher
shops with pine tables planted around I'm
them where the "clips and clipesses" eat.
There'H be a lot more OF them presently.
New York likes these new ideas. IL they re
sort O. deuce-may-car and independents
hke-y'know.
The butcher shop restaurant IS the IL
logical result OF some New York grills.
Eth avenue butcher somewhat given to
sociological analysis. fell to rejecting a
while back upon how dearly these New
Workers. do love to show their emancipa-
tion from-er-from-well. show their
emancipation from things by eating in
ornery little dumps-back yards awninged
over. papier-mache caves. smelly and
spidery garrets and such like.
Perceivin1 their love for the squalid
and the ugly. says he to himself, why
couldn't / get 'em to gnaw up steaks
right In here says this analytical
butcher.
Standing Room Only.
No sooner said than done. He cleared
a space in the rear part of his shop,