The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1908-06-28

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onel. who advocates the canteen in
the army. whisky was a mastery and
Indispensable agent in Christianizins
| a nation. 1 don't care how much peo-
pie may say against the old stuff. 1t
is an accessory to civilization.
You who follow the water wagon,
perhaps, have never thought that much
good could come out of what is sup
posed to be the greatest of all evils
that ever touched the human race.
Good may come out of evil, as the
fragrant lilies bloom from noxious
pools and that greatest of all birds,
the terrapin, is brought forth from
the mud and marsh of the lowlands.
I'm the year 1880 or whereabouts a
strange thing happened III the Said
witch Islands; it was evangelical al
nest in a day, and that enc act of
evangelization has made me a slow
knocker on booze. Everybody, even
the youngest kidlet now in school,
knows that the Sandwich Islanders
were ignorant savages and the rank
est kind of idolaters. They worship
ped the great shark god as the iEear-
nation of the evil prin ciple, because
they We're not like all of US fellows,
good themselves. Even in this day Of
our boosted civilization and no free
pass railroads, some men have q bet
ter idea of the devil than of God.
Savages have no conception of a good
hi fI,n Il axril hn
form of some object that is an enemy
to them. Some African tribes W"r-
ship poisonous snakes and sarpents,
because they dread their terrible fangs
more than anything they know. The
Sandwich Islanders incarnated the
devil in a shark because it was their
most destructive enemy. This wor-
ship was not such as the Speaker of
the House and our present day Chris
tians offer TO their God; it was pro-
pitation-to keep their fractions god
in as good humor as possible and make
him be ready and reasonably easy
with them. In their hearts they hat
ed him. They acted just as many of
our people do-two-faced. While they
offered citations with their voices and
hands they had a dagger up their
sleeves. They simply waited a good
chance to give him the double cross.
There is no variation from the rule
lit is the same the world over, even
unto sleepy Alexandria, Va. AS the
people progress upward through the
process of evolution, their god increas-
es accordingly. Classic Jove of ancient
Greece was as far superior to Mumbo
Jumbo of Africa as the Greeks were
superior to those cannibals. Yet there
was a time when Greeks dwelt in caves
and lived on raw meats, and worship
ed monstrous and frightful incarna-
ton of evil.
Under the laws of the savage ISL
anders certain things were forbidden,
were put on the union blacklist and
the penalty for the infraction of one
of these laws was the dire anger and
swift vengeance of the great shark
god. So the people thought and when
whole nation believes a thing and
acts on it, it might just as we'll be
true The islanders had no great men
like Roosevelt and Taft to tell them
better. Now, one of these laws which
had a tabu on it was that a man
should not eat at the same table with
a woman. Just think of that Don't
you think they were a hard lot, and
what would the Gridiron Club fellows
do at their next spread, which is for
the women folks? But the whole ma
ton of the island believed that if a
man were to eat with a woman the
great shark god would invoke the
mighty volcanoes to pour forth their
floods of molten lava upon the help
less people.
We'll. as I was going on to say,
one day in 1920 a Yankee landed there
and began to look around. 1t was
not long before he got an introduce
ton to the King, and he lost no time
in making himself solid. This Yankee
had brought some excellent whisky
with him. 1t was not the kind they
have been selling in South Carolina
under Tillmans dispensary act, but
the soft-fiowing, mellow product of Old
Kaintuck. He gave a fun quart bot
tie 10 the King. and the fat old sinner
tasted and pronounced it the best
fluid which had ever passed his lips.
The fact is. the King hit the bottle so
often that he got as drunk as a boil
ed owl. but il made him feel at peace
with all mankind and in love with
his dusky mother-in-law. Now, had
it been mean whisky, the King might
have got out his fighting regalia and
killed half the nation, and then awak-