Shiner gazette. [volume] (Shiner, Tex.) 1893-current, 1908-08-06
A Logical Suicide.

was a memphis man. he sur
reptitiously pocketed razor in
a barber shop, slipped out of the
place and slit his throat. 1t is
believed, locally, that he was
temporarily insane and that his
alteration resulted from in
tense heat and nervous prostra-
ton. AS a matter of fact, the
man was plainly the victim of
whiskers, high temperature and
the popularity of a tonsorial par
Tor. The tragedy was logical and
the suicide was, from a human
point of view at least, forgiva-
BILE.
1t is impossible to believe that
Adam was made with beard.
We read in the Bible that he was
happy and at peace. This state
meht denotes either an unshaven
or a Seardless condition. Sinse
Adam sinned and blamed the
woman the male human being
has suffered the penalty of beard
and must either spend most of
his leisure moments in the bar
Der shop or standing before a
mirror cutting gashes in his
face with a broad keen blade, or
running a miniature lawn mower
over it.
The following lines appear in
the book of a recent comic opera:
Ethel (nestling her head upon
his shoulder) do you shave
yourself always?"
Jack drumming his fingers ap-
prehensively across his cheek y
mo; usually stop for meals"
In comic opera this was mirth-
provoking. 1t is quite natural
to laugh at the sufferings of a
hero in comic opera, even when
he is about to be decapitated by
order of the bandit chieftain.
But in real life the marvellous
energy of the beard and the Sc
sultant unceasing labor of the
man who could be always clean
shaven constitutes one of the
major sorrows of existence.
The Mennphian, entering a
barber shop in the carly after
noon, when the mercury regis
tered 100 in the shade and the
barber was six customers behind
his rush of business, lost his pa
thence while reading the comic
weeklies and waiting until he
should be next" Finally, since
all things come to those who
wait, even in a crowded barber
shop, he was allowed to get into
a chair and be shaved and learn
about the inipuity of the umpire
and the failings of the third
baseman on the home team.
After what seemed an eternity
had passed he was patted on the
face and anointed with mystic?
rious and sickly mixture of
scented oils and syrups, batted
lightly over the face with some
thing resembling his wife's pow
der puff and let out of the chair.
He reflected that his beard was
still growing and that he was no
better circumstanced than a mule
in a treadmill. He said:
"Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a
weary life;
But that the dread of something
after death,
The undiscovered country from
whose bourne
No traveller returns, puzzles the
will
And makes us rather bear those
ills we have
Than fly to those we know not
Of" :.
AS he meditated upon the
probable fortunes of the internal
regions as pictured by the an
clients during the reign of Pluto
and as imagined by the moderns
under Satan, he decided, quite
naturally, that the chances were
about even that the ills he knew
not of were no worse than those
he knew. He cunningly stole a.
razor, released weary spirit
from the imprisoning clay and
allowed it to flutter into the win
dnWless nalace of rest r. slonn