davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-05-13
MATTER OF RECIPROCITY.

Hyker-why did you give UP smok-
ing?
Pyker-In order to marry a rich
widow.
Hyker-I fail to see the connection.
Pyker-She refused to give uD her
weeds unless l would give up mine
Chicago News.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-05-13
LAB0R.SAYING DEVICES.

do you know. Sam. that a mar
does not have to do as much work now
as he did ten years ago?"
Yes, sab, / know 1t, sab, why is
been married neatly eight years, saint"
-Yonkers Statesman.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-05-13
THE PAST TENSE.

"How do you know he has a lot Of
money!"
HE has gotten two automobiles"
''That is merely a sign that he used
to have a lot of money."-Washington
Star.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-05-13
THE MISTAKE OF A

Mary had a little mule;
She tickled it n day
Between the hook and 3 o'clock
Now Mary's far away.
Chicago News.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-05-13
D A HANDICAP.

she-He has a most extraordinary fg-
IRE. hasn't he?
= He-That's so. ] believe an umbrella
IS about the only thing he can buy
ready NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. INQUIRER.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-05-13
THE MODERN

Don't be INSCRIPTIONS, my boy"
Il won't. dad"
"That is. don't be INSCRIPTIONS in n
small way.'-Louisyille Courier-Jour-
nal.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-05-13
THE GOLDEN BRIDGE.

How do you suppose that vulgar
millionaire's wife ever managed to gel
in the society of such exclusive
women"
81 believe she always loses al
Observation-Disclosures Inquirer.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-05-13
FROM STAR

Anonymous communications cannot be
printed. Except on political subjects the
names of correspondents are not required for
publication. but. as a guarantee of good faith.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-05-13
PASSED HER ALONG.

Mrs. Jeysod-L hated that maid but
l gave her q good recommendation.
Mrs. Heysod-Why?
Mrs. Jeysod-Because that odious
Mrs. Hanson engaged her.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-05-13
THE GAME OF LIFE.

Some men are lucky players
With accidental fame,
And some must be the umpires
And simply take the blame.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-05-13
RIG DIFFERENCE.

Henderson-My wife is as uncertain
as the weather.
Henpeck-Mine is as uncertain as the
weather forecasts.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-05-13
SEASIDE ASTRONOMY.

"You are a perfect Venus"
"a perfect Saturn. Harry. | have
two rings now ashington Herald
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-05-13
USUALLY IS.

What do they mean by the bitter
end?'
"The last half-inch of a cigar
Louisville Courier-Journal.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-05-13
WHAT WILL HETTY GREEN DO
TO THE AWFUL BLACK HAND?
Will 1t Go Out Of Existence, if She Gets into Action ?--Her Indif
ference Admirable, Ada Lynn Thinks.
BY ADA LYNN.

ww RELI. we're all wondering what Hetty Green win do now since sh
VHVA has attracted the attention o the Black Hand gang.
w The things done and left undone by that wonderful queen
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-01-18
Teaching Stupid Children.

Don't let your children be punished
for stupidity. 1t would be as reason
able to punish them for being lame or
blind. Ii child be obstinate or lazy
the matter is different. The worst eff
fest of Furnishing a child for stupidity
is that he thereby is robbed of self
respect. If possible it is best to edu-
cate him where he will be brought into
daily companionship with smarter chill
dren.
Whatever other mistakes you may
make, forbear impressing on him that
ne is a fool. This is the surest way of
making him one. Children with SPLEEN
did intellectual endowments sometimes
are thought to be stupid. The sharp
child who learns a lesson in the short
est possible time, who is first to an
swer In the mental arithmetic class,
who can produce dates and geograph-
zeal names on demand is the. one the
teacher likes and most commonly he is
the one in after life who goes on the
safe read toward competence. But he
is not one of those whose thoughts Will
be treasured in the world long after
he has left it And quite often the
so-called. stupid child is one of the
dreamers in whom are powers of the
artist, poet or philosopher struggling
for expression.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-01-18
The Work of opsonins.

The discoveries of Prof. Wright of
London regarding opsonins are attract
ing wide attention. Previous to his
experiments it was believed that the
lencocytes or white blood corpuscles
mad natural appetite for intruders
in the blood and would. attack them
on sight. 1t now appears that they
will not perform this function without
the action of, some peculiar substances
in the blood serum which Prof. Wright
has called opsonins method has
beer devised for determining the
amount of any particular opsonin in
the blood whereby it can be told how
much addition to make in order to
successfully combat a disease. The
deficiency is made up by inoculating
the patient with an appropriate dose
of the dead heterogeneous which
when alive are responsible for the in
fective process; for example, dead
staphylococcus microbes to combat
boils and acne, dead phenmococcus
microbes to combat localized tubercu-
losis. Although not all germ diseases,
are subject to cure by the
action of opsonins, certain affections
seem to yield to them easily; and in
all cases the determination of the
opsonic index bids fair to be Won
derfuI aid to diagnosis. as indicating
the resisting power of the organism.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-01-18
He'd Done Enough.
(Harper's Weekly.)

Harper weekly
In a western Kentucky town Ben
Watson had saved the life of Myra
UnderhiIl Miss Underhill had been
overturned in a creek with a swift
current, and the act of young Watson
was a very heroic one. He had saved
the life of the girl after she was sink
ing for the third time, and had barely
strength to pull himself and the young
woman to shallow water.
The news soon spread and Ben Wat
son was hailed as the real, live hero
of the village.
Aunt Tabby Wilson, the oldest wo-
man in the village, the mother of the
little colony, was loud in praise of the
heroism of the young man, and at once
declared that Ben and Myra must get
married. ben saved Myra's life" she
said. land now they must marry and
be happy ever afterward, just as they
do it in the story books"
But Ben demurred; the arrangement
did not suit him.
"Why not marry Myra, Benz" said
the old lady. she is yours, and we
must have a wedding"
"She is a nice girl all right, re-
piled Ben, but don't think we ought
er marry. Seems to me- he went on,
Il have done enough for Myra.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-01-18
HANG ON.

Gimme back the dear old days-all the
boys in line
Boy stood on the burnin' deck" an
"Bingen on the Rhinei"
" Twas midnight; in his guarded tent
we spoke it high an low,
While Mary trotted out that lamb
whose fleece was white as snow"
Gimme back the dear old days that
mem'ry loves to keep,
With Pilot, tbs fearful nIght-there's
danger on the deep"
The old time, awkward gestures
jerk meant fer a bow
We said that "Curfew should not ring"
but, Lord, it's ringin' now:
Gimme back the dear old days-the
pathway through the dells
To the schoolhouse in the blossoms;
the sound Of far-off bells
Tinklin' 'crost the meadows; the song
of the bird IN brook;
The old-time dictionary an the blue
back spellin' book!
Gone, like dream forever-a city's hdi
the place
Where stood the Of log schoolhouse, an
no familiar face
Is smilin' there in welcome beneath a
mornin' sky;
There's a bridge acrost the river, an
we've crossed an said ''bood-bye!"
Atlanta Constitution
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-01-18
Waterford.

The late Major General Sir John Ar
dagh, who was a Waterford man, left
by his will which has just been pro-
bated, el000 and his furniture to his
wife, and an annuity of 9100 a year to
his brother, Michael William Ardagh.
The residue of his estate. the total of
which is estimated at e--,471, goes to
his wife, with remainder to his chill
dren.
Mrs. John Ryan, wife of the booking
agent Of the Dungarvan (South) sta
ton, died on Christmas eve. She was
a daughter of Mr. James Holden. of
the firm of Messrs. Walsh & Fielding,
Broad street. She had been in indif-
ferent health for some time past
Martin Eustance, a young lad who
lived in a tenement in Lady lane, was
playing with fire-fghting material on
Dec. q, and his clothing became ig-
nited. Before the flames could be eX-
tinguished he was so badly burned
that he died shortly after being admit
ted to the hospital.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-01-18
THE TERMoUNTAM AND COLORADO CATHOLIC: JANUARY 10, 1908
The SONG OF The SHIP.

Oh! the sweep of the topping crests,
The oceans salt sea foam,
Where the rolling pillows comb,
When. 1 dance upon her breast
With the winds abeam and the skies
agleam,
In the light of the crimson west:
My sails a white cloud. and sing
aloud
In a glory of beauty dressed!
When the tempests upon me pour
Ny body groans and creaks,
And my cordage walls and shrieks
Midst the battling pillows roar;
oh, sob ana cry. for tbs hard to die,
And be known by the seas no more.
Though torn by the strain, yet ]
laugh again,
If l win when the storm is Ger
When I'm safe and my voyage is done,
All slowed aloft, allow;
Then the winds may rail and blow,
Who cares when the battles won?
oh, the sea, the sea, tbs the place for
me;
Up, up, and away! Though 1 die to-
day,
shall die where my life began!
Charles Gould Beede in Boston
Transcript.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-01-18
Tipperary.

On Christmas morning the wife or
Michael Morgan, a farmer, residing in
Boyroad, Necagh, gave birth to three
sons, all Of whom, together with the
mother, are doing well. The three
children were baptized in the
Catholic church, and named Christie
pher. Stephen and John.
Dec. 20 being the first anniversary of
the death of the late Dean White. PIP,
V. G., Nenagh, a requiem high mass
was said for the repose of his soul. The
celebrant was the Rev. D. A. Hogan,
c. c., Nenaugh; deacon. Rev. T. Don
nelly, c. c.. Nenagh; sub-deacon, Rev.
p. ]. Cummings. c. c., Nenaugh; mas
ter of ceremonies, Rev. P. J. Quinn, P.
p, Kilcoleman.
Deep regret has been expressed at
the announcement of the death of the
venerable Archdeacon Jones, P. p, V.
r, Fethard, County Tipperary, which
took place at d private hospital in
Dublin, on Dec. %. He was born in
Templemore. He was educated in Mel
leray, Carlow. and the Irish college,
and was ordained in 1868, at the Irish
college. Rome. His first curacy was at
New Inn. County Tipperary, and after
twelve months there he went to the
college. Thurles, where he was profess
sor of rhethoric and theology for four
teen years. He was appointed presi-
dent Of the college, which position he
filled for some six years. From thence
ne was transferred to pastoral charge
of Killenaule, and after six years he
was, at the death of the late revered
Archdeacon Ryan, appointed to Feth-
ard. He took an active and practical
part In the work of the National or
ganization. His sympathies were
strongly with the Gaelic league move
ment, and not long ago he organized
a very successful feis at Fethard. He
was for many years pastor of Kille-
anule, where he built a beautiful pres
bytery. While at Fethard he almost
rebuilt the church. Most Rev. DR..
Fennelly, archbishop of CasheI and
Emily, was the celebrant of the SOL
emn requiem mass in the parish
church on Dec. "A.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-01-18
SinguIarities.
Chicago News.)


For thirty-four years past the ac-
counts of the naval port of Toulon re-
fused to balance. There was so cents
too much in the cash books and ever
since 1873 this 80 cents has puzzled the
official accountants. Some time ago
orders were sent from Paris that this
state of affairs must cease. Seven spe-
cial accountants were set to work, and
after seven months hard labor the
problem was solved. Admiral Galibet-
former minister of marine, who was
thirty-fouf years ago one of the officers
of Toulon arsenal, but who for many
years has been living in Paris on his
pension-has just received official no.
of finance and draw the sum of 80
cents. He. was underpaid by this
amount when he left Toulon in 1873.
A marvel of surgery has been shown
to the French Academy of Medicine by
DR.. Delair. A patient had lost his chin,
part of his lower jaw, his lip, a por-
ton of his tongue and his nose owing
to the explosion of a gun which he was
firing. An apparatus in four pieces
has been made for him which makes all
trace of his loss practically invisible.
The chin and lower lip, with false
heard on them, are made of soft india
rubber, the necessary teeth, nose and
jaws have been supplied and the pa
tent carr himself remove and replace
the apparatus, which weighs only
trifie more than an ounce.
During the recent struggle in Moroc-
co the Moors one day found in their
camp at Casablanca an unexploded
shell, and wishing to find out how it
worked" they summoned their most
proficient armOrer who although he
knows everything about hand guns, IS
most ignorant in regard to projectiles.
This man thought that the best means
of opening the shell was to use a ham
mer. At the second blow the shell ex-
ploded, killing and wGunding many of
the Moors who were crowded around
him.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-01-18
Biggest Man in World.
(Kansas City Journal.D

(Kansas City Journal)
The other morning at the Frisco
tracks in Fort Scott was the biggest
man in the world. He is known as
Baby Jim Simmons, a negro, who
weighs $50 pounds. There are but few
who viii believe that any human be-
ing could attain such a great weight
unless they CHANGED to see this mas
todon. One glimpse at the monster,
however, lays all doubts as to the
mans enormous physical proportions
Everyone who saw his massivenesS
went away telling himself that the ne
gro weighed nearer ton than the
weight given above. Jim Simmons was
accompanying W. r. MacBurntt, a
theatrical circus man, to st. Joseph.
The monster lives at Beaumont, Tex.
He occupied two seats in the smoker,
and slept all the time from early morn
ing until o'clock, though there was a
constant stream of people scrambling
through the car to see him. Efforts to
wake the negro were unsuccessful. He
remained there, snoring loudly and also
breathing heavily. Finally his man.
ager came through the car cleared out
the curious ones and took his big one
to the vestibule to give him an airing.
A newspaper man was admitted to
converse with the mastodon for a few
minutes.
Simmons said he was 20 years of
age; that his parents were both small
though his grandparents each weighed
over the 300 mark. He says he does not
eat or drink any more than the average
sized man, and that he enjoys the best
of health, his heart behaving in most
satisfactory manner. He is only 50
inches tall and is further around than
up and down" to use a small boys
expression. There is no doubt but that
this man is one of the most gigantic
human beings that ever lived.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-01-18
A FeIictIous Aside.

Senator Beverage, describing cam
paign wherein he had outgeneraled a
rival, said:
when il became plain that victory
was mine. when my opponents face
began to grow darker and more forbid
ding, smiled to myself; I could have
muttered to myself some such felici-
tous aside as that which came from
the small boy who was being spanked
"'In the course of his spanking the
boys mother paused to say in sincere
tones:
Tommy, this hurts me far more
than it does you
And thereupon, in his odd, face
downward position the boy winked
and muttered to himself:
was afraid that hard board I
put in the seat of my trousers might
injure her delicate hand"
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-01-18
Carlow.

The news Of the death of Mrs. Lam
gran created great sorrow. She was
a member of an old and respected
family, and universal sympathy has
been expressed with her husband and
the members of her family.
The death is announced of Thomas
Lawlor, u. D. c., who was not only
popular in the general acceptance Of
the term. but was highly respected
and esteemed in all the relations that
become good Catholic an ardent Ma
tionalist. a sincere friends and in the
family circle a devoted husband and
affectionate father.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-01-18
rhackeray an unIerIiner.

The late queens habit of undermining,
which has entirely passed out of the
customs of feminine letter writing, was
singularly dear to Thackeray's sense
both of sentiment and humor, says
London exchange. He never tired of
making his women, whether he wrote
their letters for them sweetly or deris-
lively, underline with effusion. He
would hardly have acknowledged wo-
man to be woman if she did not prac-
tice this way of emphasis, any more
than he would have held her worthy of
the name had she had any sense of
honor of justice, or any rule but affec-
ton. If she spelled a little amiss, so
much the better. Thackeray derived
straight from Goldsmith. Goblet, by
the way. was as fond of italics as any
early Victorian woman of underlines:
but how far from feeble is the effect in
his pagei The stress is. indeed, as mas
culine under his pen as it is feminine
under Queen Victoria's.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-01-18
He Placed an Order.

A small. sharp faced boy, one of
whose eyelids had an inclination to
droop in a chronic wink, entered {,
tailor shop in upper Broadway, APP
preached the proprietor and silently
handed him button. The tailor took
itAand looked puzzled
s'What's this for?" he asked. II
don't want it I've got plenty of but
tons
Oats all right" said the youngster.
But yer want business, don't yer?'
Yes"
Well, just sew a pair O. pants on
dat button -
The small boy was half way up the
block before the tailor reached the
door.-NeW York Globe
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-01-18
Kildare.

Rent Collector Peter Slavin has been
called on TO resign his position by the
No. County Kildare) district coun-
Gil
At the Convent of the Novitiate, Mill
Hill, London. recently Miss Teresa
Mary (Tess) Herman lin religion Sis
ter Margaret), daughter of the late
Matthey Herman, Caragh, N. S., and
Mrs. Herman, Is Gulistan place, Rath-
mines, was received into the congre-
cation of the Sisters of Charity Win
centian Order).
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-01-18
Kings County.

Joseph Mcnamara, one Of the most
popular citizens of the town of Castle
Jordan, died recently at his residence
after a brief illness. In the days of
the Parnell split he took side strongly
with the Parnellite section. and fought
deter7nineSily in defense of his princi
piles until peace was restored
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-01-18
Not by E. A. Poe.

Now chill weather has descended; sum-
nler days are good and ended;
And the moth ball scent is spotted as
we pass the book shop door.
Burning leaves send smudges rising in
a style not appetizing;
Coal mems weights are tantalizing; no
enc asks, What is the scorer"
All we hear is Shut the door,''
Chicago Daily Journal
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-01-18
Westmeath.

Much regret has been evoked in
Athlone by the death of John Mills,
u. d. c. Mr.. Mills, who was one of
the few surviving representatives of
the Fenian movement in Athlone. went
TO America in SO and served in the
civil war. He spent nearly fifty years
IN Athlone, where he was held in high
estimation
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-01-18
Mayo.

On Dec. %, in the Cathedral at Bal
iaghadereen, the Right Rev. DR.. Lys-
ter, lord bishop of Achonry, assisted
by the Rev. James DAILY, DID,, and the
Rev. ]. Gallagher Adm, constituted
and installed the Venerable Archdea-
con LOTUS, P. P, Ballymote, as arch
deacon Of Achonry, to succeed the late
IArchdeacon O'Rorke. 1t is not dis
arrangement to the memory of the
great archdeacon who is gone to say
that his mantle most worthily falls
on the shoulders of one of the most
typical soggarths aroon in Ireland.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-01-18
LATEST IRISH NEWS.
From The Pilot.
Down.

The death took place at Newcastle,
County Down, on Dec. %, of Mrs.
Field. sister of the late Dew. Or. Field
of Dervock. at the ripe age of 81
years. Mrs. Field was a native of
Killyleagh, with which town her fam
lily were honorably associated for CEN
turtles past She maintained her fac
ulties to the last, and was able to
read without spectacles. She had re-
sided with Robert Hastings, ]. P,
chairman of Newcastle urban district
council, since his marriage to her
niece two years ago.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-01-18

Believe me. the world is a mirror
ii reflects back to you the face you
present to it. and you get out of the
world just what you put into it, If
you make no effort TO let it know
what you have done it makes no eff
fort to find out what you have done
is not this the just working of law?
If you make no action, there will be
no reaction. If you do not sing out,
can you get an echo ?-Dorothy Quig-
Ney.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-01-18
Great Electric Liaht.

An electric arc light of 800 candle
power, said to be the greatest single
arc light in existance, has been add
ed to the illuminations of the theater
district of New York. 1t is the in
vention of Ralph Scott of Newark, n.
J.. only % years old, and its expense
is only II cents per hour. Scott is
now working on million candle pow
or lamp.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-01-18

Catholic Standard and Times: Bet
ter send an inspector down to see
what's the matter with this mans
meter said the cashier in the gas
company's office TO the superintendent
oh" began the superintendent, I'VE
throw complaints about meters
This is no complaint He sends a
check for the amount of his bill and
says it's very reasonable
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-01-18

Exactness in little duties is a won
derful source of cheerfulness.-F. w.
Faber.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1908-03-16
HOWE LIS

We offer One Hundred dollars re
ward for any case Of catarrh tina. can
not be cured by Halls Catarrh Cure.
F. JcHENEY, Toledo, Q.
We, the undersigned have known
Il. ]. Cheney for the last IS years, and
believe him perfectly honorable in all
business transactions, and financially
able to carry out any obligation made
by his Walding, Kinnan & Mar.
vim, wholesale Druggists, Toledo, Q.
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken inter.
nally, acting directly upon the blood
and mucous surfaces Of the system
Testimonials sent free Price Is cents
per bottle. Sold by all druggists. Tak'
HAIRS family Pills for constipation.
dino
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1908-03-16
PRErTIEsT HOME

in chickasha for the price. 5-room
nlastered house. newly papcred
throughout; shade and fruit trees.
rock cave, barn and chicken house.
Every thing necessary for q comfort
able home On West Hill. Les s5x
1e5. Price $4,000. Phone SAG Hayes
e jenkins. s1s2t