The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1908-08-07

falling back upon the sofa what
d'yo do that forf Tryin' to give me
spinal menlngltisT
"Tt's Just az feared said Dr. Law
ender. "IIe's gettin' virfentr
"You're conspirin' old Neror'
yelled Abner. you've plotted with
Blgo Ellet 10 make fool " me. But
I amt goin' TO let W do IT. I'm goin'
home this very minute"
There. there, Abnerf' said Miss
Simkins solicitously. do try and
calm yourself"
"I'll try, screny." he replied meekly.
you see, num-" explained the doc.
tor. they always act that way when
they have bysterla. They always
think you are trying to torture EN-
IL you'll kindly get some cloth, mum,
and some mustard, wen make some
plasters. Let's Soc" Bige was hunt
Ing for something under his chair. His
handkerchief was stuffed In his mouth,
and be was blue In the face. "We'll
need one plaster for his chest, another
for his back and one for the sole Of
each foot"
You're not goin' to put them fool
things on meg' howled Abner. sitting
up and glaring as II he was going
stark mad. II tell you. ! amt goIn 10
lot ye make any bigger IdJit Of me
than ye have already"
"Mebby we'd better cbloroform him. .
suggested Bigc. "Mebby we'd better
strap him to board"
"It's too bad to have to put these
things on anybody" sollloquized Or.
Lavender dryly while he and Bige III.
lot were aiiixing the plasters. "Would
not wonder but they'll disHgure him
for llfe.'
"And he ain't any too good lookin'
as II Is. goodness knows" added BIge
sympathetically.
go ahead and taunt me-" growied
Abner In nluiiled voice frem the en-
vironment OF his dlsarranged clothing.
There" said the doctor finally. fas.
tening the last band and rising to his
feet. Now we must keep him warm.
He ought to have couple Of blankets
and three or four bedqullts on top Of
him"
"Sereny." observed Abner a few
moments later, peering out from be-
meath mountain OF bedclothes like a
rabbit peeking from under a straw
stack. II don't feel like | was very
long for this world. I'm a half cured
ham covered with mustard. l feel
like moldy old sandwich" He turn
ed his face toward the wall and
groaned.
"0h, Abner." said Miss simkins
cheerfully, do try and bear up, Alb,
ner!"
And. sereDy," be resumed weakly
when they take them poultices often
me I'll be the reddest Moon anybody
ever saw I'll be so lurld that won't
dare TO 80 home for fear Of givin' my
children the scarlet fever"
There, there" crooned Miss SimkIns
cheerily; don't you go to worryln'
about them children, Abner."
He turned and looked at her tender
ly. "Sereny," he said, would you
really like to look after 'em-always?
Would you care to marry He
paused suddenly and rolled his eyes
like one In mortal agony. His breath
came in gasps. His mouth was wide
open.
"Fire! Fire. he roared suddenly.
trying desperately TO push the covers
Off. I'm ablaze from one end of me
to the other. I'm a ragin' confiagra.
ton. In just three minutes there won't
be nothin' left Of me but a bed Of
Goals, I'm sufferin' spontaneous COM
bustlon, tell ye! Won't somebody
please put me out?''
Miss Simkins wfung her hands In
fright. "0h DR.. lavender she cried.
"oh, Mr. Ellet! Do something for
him, can't your
"Mebhy I'd better throw bucket Of
water on him." said Blge. "Mebby I'd
better turn In fire alarm"
"Consarn ye," groaned Abner. Il
want We TO take them things often me.
drawed my wishbone and my
spinal column together already. and
the soles Of my feet are cllnging to my
kneecaps like stone bruise tc boys
heel"
"Be there any blisters on ye?" asked
DR.. Lavender,
There's just one" snorted Abner,
but it's bigger than a barn door, and
I'm right in the middle of 1t"
"Too bad" said the doctor solemnly.
when plasters take effect as quick as
that 1t shows his nervous system is a
total wreck.R He opened his medicine
case, took out bottle. shook 1t and
held it between him and the light.
I'm afraid, num-" he resumed sad
ly, "T'n have to give him dose of
this, after all. hate to do 1t, but it's
the only chance left u.s. He poured
a little into a spoon. Abner was
watching him with a fiorid but anx-
Ious face
1T may cure him, num-" he re-
sumed gravely. "If 1t does, he will be
A well man In ten minutes, but II it
doesn't mum, 1t will kill him deader
than a nit"
Abner clutched the bedclothes con.
He tried to speak, but he
could only gurgle like cider pouring
out OF jug, ana cold sweat broke
- IL.