Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-22


shrewd wisdom than by his broad humor. 1t
soothes our wounded vanity by seeing the
imaginary " Hinnissy" set up to be the target
of laughter instead of ourselves; but we know
In our hearts that it IS our own 1gnorance-of
the Philippines, for example-that is being
scored when the Philosopher says:
can yet It's not more than two months
since we Earned whether they were islands or
canned goods"
Like Mr.. Dooley, our reading up on the sub
ect began with the war Now we are more
intelligent, and can say with him:
Its poverty sthricken country, full iv
goold and precious stones, where tn people can
pick dinner off tn threes an are starving be-
cause they have no stepladderS. TIL inhabi-
tants IS mostly naygurs and Chlnymen. peace
full, industhrus, an law abiding, but savage
and bloodthirsty in their methods. They wear
no clothes except what they have on; an each
woman has five husbands, an each man has
five wives. TIL rest go into the discard, tn
same as here. TIL islands has been ownded
by Spain since befure the fire: an she's
threated them well they're now up in arms
against her, except ma jority thin which
is thurly loyal.
81 Earned all this from the papers, an
know it's straight. An yet: Hinnissy,
dinnaw what to do about tn Ph'ippeens.
made up his mind. Ye ask amy conducthor
on Arrchy Road. an he'll tel We. Ye can
find out from the papers; an if you really
want to know, all We have to do is to ask
prom 'nent citizen, who can NOW all the lawn
he with safety razor. But don't
know"
If the foregoing is not monograph cylinder
of what the average mind would say if it could
talk, and, still harder task, if it could talk the
truth. then there is no trusting to science.
Usually Mr.. Dooley says whole chapter in
half a dozen words or less. Thus he condenses
the glory and the cost OF beginning foreign
conquest, into two words, " Expand-expind."
cousin George" Dewey thanks Heaven, after
cutting the cable near Manila. that he is
where no man can give me his ideas of how
to run quilting party and call it war"
The Omnipresent F1annisan
SUCH is Mr.. Dooley in war. In peace,
- whether it be the peace of politics or of
pugilism, he is equally sententious. Willie
Boye, the aristocratic candidate of Reform, is
running against Flanagan. the practised boss:
but before Willie Boye had picked out pants
that would match tn color iv tn Austhreel yam
ballot" Flanagan was on deck:
"Who was it judged tn cakewalk? Flanni-
gan. Who was it carried the pail? Flanagan.
Who was it shtud up at the christening?
Flanagan. Whose cards did the grievn' widow,
tn blushin' bridegroom, or tn happy father
life! Ye see, Flanagan wasn't out for tn
good iv tn community. Flanagan was out
for Flanagan and tn stuff"
Written eight years ago, that picture of
Flanagan might have been drawn to-day,
and no doubt will be equally 1feke tomorrow
and several days after; for Mr.. Flanagan,
under divers aliases, exists in every city.
Where Mrs. Fitz Came In
60 also the ambitious lady of the drawing
room, the green room, or the plug room be-
hind the ring, makes her touching speech, or
the press agent makes it for her, as she did
ten years ago, and as she will do ten years
hence if those pillars of our civilization endure
so long. Mr.. Dooley merely translates her
pretty talk into the vernacular when he makes
the first lady of the land" cheer her husband
in his fight for the championship.
"'Think of the love l bear ye,' she says,
an paste him in tn Stats. Don't hit him on
the jaw says she. He's well thrained there.
But tuck your 1ovin' hooks into his diseased
an achin' ribs"
And Mr.. Fitz reflects:
"'What is so good as tn love iv pure
woman. If l don't nail this large man, shell
probably kick in me head An with this
sacred sintiment in his heart he whit over an
io1ted Corbett wan over tn 1aths that retired
him to tn home f'r decayed actors"
Dooley as Moralizer
THERE is food for thought in the philoso
piers pronouncement on Age:
They're no crime in the catalogue akel to