The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1908-04-28
POTTS SKATING.
BY r. POTTS, Esq.

S-@S-N0-S

Skating is a delightful, healthy
and invigoratinG pastime, 1t sends
the blood through the veins like
lightning! 1t expands the lungs
gives tone to sinews, and develops
muscle, like no other exercised"
/ was reading aloud to Mrs. Potts
from a well-known health magazine.
Mrs. Potts was in good humor. ]
had just told her that Captain Billings
had said she had the best figure in
town.
She is very fat-quite out of shape,
in fact, but your fat women are the
kind who like to be told they are
fairies.
"Pottie. dear. says she, why
don't you skate? You were COM
planning of your lungs the other day"
But should not enjoy it without
thee" says I, determined to be as af-
fectionate as l could.
Il am afraid 1 should break
through" says she.
And to look at her, one would
think her fear was reasonable.
Not the least danger in the
world" says I. why, with the cold
weather we have had, the ice would
bear up an elephant"
The speech was unfortunate. Mrs.
Potts got mad, and said compared
her to an elephant-her, the wife of
my bosom, and the partner of my
joys and sorrows.
And she called me q mean, dirty
sneak of sot, and said l had not SO
much brains as jackass. Mrs. Potts
has great facility in the use of pet
names.
She said she hoped that if under
took to skate, the ice would break
and let me through to the bottom;
and she hoped the skates would come
off and throw me and break my neck.
And she hoped should skate over
the mill dam and be ground into
mincemeat in the grist mill. And
here her words became inaudible.
with the exception of "wretch-sneak
and elephant"
] resolved to skate.
Next day I invested five dollars in
pair of those vile steel deceivers
known as skates. Purdy agreed to
go with me. Purdy's niece, a very
sparkling, coquettish little brunette.
was visiting Purdy, and she volun-
teered to go with us and teach us
how
OF course, Mrs. Potts was not to
know.
Mrs. Purdy said she would 60, too.
II 1t were not for the twins. Purdy
looked well satisfied, and whispered
to me that there were times when a
man could fully appreciate the value
of twins.
don't know, I am sure-I never
had any.
1t was coolish day when we went
skating. l believe it is generally
coolish when ice abounds.
The sun shone bright.
The ice glittered like-lik e-weIl.
like anything.
You must imagine all the poetry.
for j am not much of an adept at
describing the wonderful sights of
nature. Ny heart is all right. but
my powers of description are few.
Miss Kate-Kate was her name
leaned on my arm. So sylpbllke. so
Dewitching! There was quite a diff
ference between supporting her and
the two hundred avoirdupois of Mrs.
Potts.
Large women are lovely, of course.
but, then, they will make q mans
arm ache to support them when the
walking is slippery / used to skate
when ] was a boy. but I have been out
OF practice for a long time. I con
hded as much to Kate. She laughed
oh! IL Is such funl Nothing 70
do Only keep your heels from run
ning away with your head, and YOU
are all right There, do as / do
watch me; see how strike OUT" and
away she went, ike an angel; that is,
II angels ever skate.
The pond was alive with skaters Of
all ages and sexes. 1 felt exuberanti
] knew ] could do IT, Ny aspirations
scared high So did my heels. d.
rectly.
] strapped on my skates. and got
on the ice by the help Of some bushes
growing along the shore After I
got there, J stood rooted to the spot.
Come on!' shouted Kate; why
don't you come on?"
II am waiting to see which way II
is best to gol" said /, and at that mo-
ment fate decided for me- moved
my right foot little incautiousIy.
and Il ran round my left one, and fin
consequence lost my head, as many
another man has done before me for
o pretty girl, and Purdy found my
heels in his face as he was stopping
down to buckle his straps.