The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1908-11-28
IRISH CHARACTER SKETCHES.
The Village Tailor.

lowed to make q suit of clothes for one
OF those handsome models how ridicu-
lous it would appear, and the stare Of
horror our modern dudes would bestow
upon it. What would that model look
| ike! Oh! please don't ask me- |
! could not picture ii out for you, tax
my imagination how I would The near
est thing ! could liken it to would be
| one of those scarecrows which the
farmers make use of to brighten away
| The birds from their crops. You have
no doubt often seen those scarecrows.
We'll, conjure up the most ridiculous
one you ever laid eyes on, and YOU will
nave some likeness of that model if
Phil were its tailor. Phil lived in a
little matched cottage on the boreen
below Father Toms house. The walls
OF the cottage were of mud. and in those
walls were two apertureS which serve
as windows. There was only one whole
pane of glass in each of those windows.
and where the other panes of glass
should be you found a piece of old sack
stuffed TO keep out the wind and keep
In the smoke. A small wood i'm which
the crows had a rookery stood at the
back Of Pills house. and that rookery.
with It's caWing inhabitants, was sacred
in Pills eyes. Often when the youthful
Phil was away from home. 1 would
steal down to the wood and climb one
of the trees there to rob a crows nest
If Phil caught me l was sure to get a
lesson On the evil of my ways
Come down out of Ov that wud yeh.
yeh young divil: yeh daylight villin! an
is it dusturbin' the poor crows yeh are ?
Aeh want to bring the curse of the
crows on the whole lot ov us? l niver
knew anywan that had anything to do
with crows to prosper aither in this
world or the next Come down out ov
that. Wud yeh now. or be the livin'
piper that played before Moses. I'll
make mince mate ov every bone in yer
morthial body" And then 1 would
descend and make off as fast as /
could from Phils clutch. but not before
l heard these words
Musha, l wonder yer mamma
(mother) doesn't keep a better eye on
yeh, troth iv had anything to do wud
yeh, an yeh may bless yer stars night,
noon an mornin' that l haven't I'd
make yeh dance many tune to the, air
ov me blachthorn, but we're not to mind
him addressing the crows for he has
no sinse nor niver WILL
Phil was man of about 60 short and
puffy, with freckled face. He always
wore blue spectacles. Jim Scully said
''he wore it for the granduer ov the
thing, for Mcguire wud see yeh bows on
the other side of the MOON Phirs coat
was frieZe, a swallow-tailed frieze, so
We'll becoming the Irish of a former day.
corduroy knee breeches good, service
able brogues and a high standing
Gladstone collar, with a black cravat,
in which a needle was always stuck
I l,a Gin .af L;
Phil was TO be found at home, for like
the schoolmasters of the olden time,
who went from house to house impart-
ing instruction to the inmates there,
and getting in recompense food and
shelter, Phil went to the homes of
those who required his services. and
stayed there until the job was fin
ished, and then he journeyed on to the
next on the list. When a neighbor came
to inquire when Phil would be ready
to come to his house and make suit
Of clothes, Phil would push up his spec
tacles on his forehead, they generally
rested on the apex of his nose, and re-
ply: "Aisy now until I consult me
memorandum memoranda and then,
taking out a few sheets of soiled crum-
pied paper from his waistcoat pocket, |
he would run his thumb down the writ
''Mulready is next on me list, an I
have to make shuttle for him. an two
~ his yossoons, that will take me three
weeks; next on me list is Rooney, |
name Rooney. indade it's time for him !
10 get shuttle. for iv he wint on any
onger he'd be like the haythen blacks |
III be wud him a fortnight maybe |
onger. for he's so name. I'll stay a few
lays over me time just for that. All! |
De COB. I've job here that will put me |
o the pin ov me collar, as Phil came to |
he next name on his list. It's a |
shuttle for Jimeen Doonin;
les to be marrit to Naneen Burke: |
hes jallow and he's twice as jallow,
IN God help him whin he gets her, an.
iod help her whin she gets him, am
hats sayin' a CRATE dale. Me reputa-
nun is at stake on this shuttle, for
hey're goin' to Dublin for the honey
noon. an iv'rybody will be lookin at
him an saying that the man that made
him clothes was an invintive ganius.
lis. I'll be wud him a month, for I'll
lave to be very particular about the
hape ov the coat, an it's to have a but
on hole in the collar ov ii for the mat
imonal flower. so that, all things con-
idered, yeh can't expect me sooner
han next Thursday six months at s
'clock sharp. No, not a day nor an
our, nor a morthial minute sooner, an
ell be careful to have for me break
asst two duck eggs, rale blue vans
aten bread and strong tay. | must be
areful about me constitushun, for its
he constitushun makes the man, not
be man the constitutshun."
See Phil at work. He is seated on a
able inside the largest window in the
ouse with his legs drawn up under his
stomach and the spectacles
n the apex of his nose. An iron rests
eside him on the table with which to
ress the seams. When the seams are
eady for pressing he takes the iron up,
nd as he does so he bursts into song:
OH me breaches full ov stitches,
III me breeches buckled on.
N. me creeches full ov stitches,
nd all the buttons gone" :
The last line is sung in key that no
uman voice could ever initiate, and ,
own comes the iron with thud on the 3
cam and another burst of song: h
The victor Saxon backward reeled i
efore the charge ov Clare's Dragons" I
This time the seam gets three pounds
{ the iron TO emphasize the victory of |
lares dargoons over the bloody Sas- :
enach. 2
And the clothes which poor Phil :
lade. All we'll, when Jim Scully said r
He'd make better with his eyes shut I
nd a potstick, you can easily imagine |
hat Pills tailoring was. The suit of
othes which Phil made for James c
oo1apfv V-a1di,,o u-aI1 2