The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1908-10-23
The New
Minister
By Don Mark Lemon
Copyright. by shortstory Pub. Coy


Judith Quimby, spinster, was .
thorn in the side of the ~body-social of
Watervale, for Judith Quimby, spin
ster, owned the only church in that lit
tie village-she had inherited the edi-
fee from her father, who had got it by
foreclosure-and being the proprietor
of the church building she had taken
it upon herself to dictate the views of
the clergy who should hold forth from
its pulpit.
Judith Quimby, spinster, was q Bap-
fist, and so also were the divines en-
gagged to wake spiritual thunder in the
pulpit of her church. Watervale like.
wise was Baptist, but Judith Quimby's
eagle nose was a sensitive spiritual
thermometer, which she thrust into
the depths Of each of her clergyman's
wells of faith, and if that thermometer
registered the slightest variation of a
degree from the temperature of her
own wells of faith, then Judith Quinn
by spinster, arose, accused the un-
happy clergyman of heresy, showed
him to the door of her favor, and drove
him forth peremptorily. In a year she
had dismissed four men of God.
1t would seem that the good people
of Watervale might have taken into
their own hands their spiritual peace
and welfare, engaged that particular
divine who most pleased them, and
have set him to preaching from an i'm
provised pulpit in a barn, if need be;
but ali! what is an ordained minister,
what ever a religion, without a spired,
cupolaed church? No! their clergy
man must preach from a regular
church edifce, and Watervale being
too needy to erect a house Of worship
of its own, needs suffer all the incon-
venience and vexation visited upon 1t
by the eccentricities of the owner OF
the one church in the village-Judith
Quimby, spinster.
The month Of August, embracing
five Sundays, passed, and during this
no inconsiderable period Watervale re-
NAMED wholly without public religious
%edi1cation, whereat the villagers be-
gan to murmur, but Judith Quimby set
her thin lips and stood firm. The Lord,
in good time, would send a minister of
true orthodoxy, she assured her towns
people, and better that He should for
get their needs than that the village
should be corrupted by heresy. Bet
ter no prophet than a false one.
The first week in September came
- ~~A e hAnon fn lob &c ~
Miss Quimby herself would have to fill
her empty pulpit, when her deacon,
Timothy Watts, Esq, received a letter
bearing the postmark of Q city in
Fsry5Breaking the envelope, he perused
the following amazing communication:
Mr.. Timothy Watts, watervale.-Rever-
end Sir: Learning that you are the dea-
con of the Baptist church Of Watervale.
We take the liberty of introducing our
selves to you
We are known a. the Clergyman, Church
q Choir Supply company, and are in
corporated under the laws of the state OF
Michigan. We are prepared to supply the
public with clergymen of every demon
nation, and all shades of the same. Our
correspondent has informed US that your
village II at present in need of q Baptist
clergyman. May we have your permits
don to submit samples? It will cost vol
nothing for examination, and our terms
for the goods, delivered, will be as fol
lows: One hundred dollars q year, pay
able quarterly In advance.
The clergyman chosen by your constit-
uency will preach one timely. original ser
mon each week, with opening prayer and
benediction. and be kept in working order
a our expense.
Only ~fine-looking clergymen in stock
and we call %particular attention to the
fact that all sermons can be examined be
fore delivery. and edited to suit the tastes
. OF the congregation.
We furnish choirs, too. in all languages
and at the most reasonable prices.
We are also prepared to furnish porta.
BILE or non-portable churches, at the
shortest notice.
All religions constantly in stock, an
new forms and rituals constantly added
IN case you should wish to consider oul
proposition further, we will be pleased t.
mail you our handsome illustrated a
logue, or. better still. nave our agent cal
In person upon you.
Trusting to receive an early order, and
guaranteeing you the highest satisfaction
We subscribe ourselves,
THE CLERGYMAN. CHURCH & CHOIF
SUHPLx
"Well, / swan" exclaimed Deacon
Watts, removing his glasses and rub
bing the indentation that they hat
made IN the bridge Of his nose; "thil
beats mel"
Again the man Of peace perused thu
typewritten communication, then, fold
ing It carefully. placed It in his poke
and went over to Judith Quimby
spinster, for further light.
Two hours later Deacon Watts post
ed ) letter directed to the Clergyman
Church & Choir Supply Company
Judith Quimby had commanded tina
unique company to send down al
agent to Watervale with samples o
Baptist clergymen and the terms TO
4 choir OF two male and two femal'
voices: For while we are about 1t
deacon" snapped Miss Judith, W.
might AZ well see II we a get a choi
that 4 praise the Lord, withou
scratching each others eyes out at tn,
same time!"
The following Tuesday an agent Q