The San Francisco call., 1908-03-29

swered. Indeed. II anybody but your
self had told IL I think I should not
have believed it."
Then Pm glad you heard IL from
me-" said Billie. Fact. is. we want all
the supporters in this medico- naval re-
organization that we can get. and liars
have become so unpopular under this
administration that we really don't
dare tell half the things that occurred
on this cruise for fear that the psopls
viii not believe them and that the good
work OF turning the navy into a stanch
Hippocratic organization will be SEE
back another century or two. II Wa
OF seidlitz for gunpowder had made
target practice as safe as ping pong
the public would scof. although 10 10
true. II ! were TO tell how by the use
of absorbent cotton and stomach
pump Surgeon Admiral Squills kept the
Appendix from going to the bottom
nine miles south Of the Azores every
joke monger in the country would iifs
up his voice in derision- II I Demon
strated the usefulness Of the stetho-
scope in making soundings az sea in
stead OF using the old fashioned SEX
tant all the alleged old sailors from
Maine to Texas would rise up in pro-
test.
Il thought the sextant was used to
tell the time of day and locate the sum-"
said l.
well, maybe you are right" said
Billie I'VE aren't supposed to know
anything about archaic Instruments.
anyhow. 1t is for what we don't know
we are chosen What I do know 10
that Surgeon Admiral Squills Is at this
moment down in Washington telling
the president what the results OF this
cruise may have been and prescribing
course of treatment that will make the
navy convalescent beyond the perad-
venture of a relapse, and that we have
inside information that as soon as Taft
is elected the marlinspike will give way
TO the pestle. and that any admiral who
wants TO keep his job will have TO pass
an examination in therapeutics that
would stump old man Aesculapius him.
self You don't believe it. perhaps. but
only yesterday the secretary of the
navy rendered his resignation because
the president had ordered all new ves-
sells from this day TO be baptized In
ipecac instead Of in champagne. and it
was only the modification OF the order
compromising on sparkling soothing
syrup that induced him to withdraw
his resignation in the interest Of secrecy
and peace on the eve of presidential
election"
by the way Billie" said 7. how did
you get your appointment? Some pull
with Squills?"
NO" said Billie. Il used to draw
soda water in my fathers drug store In
New York for President Roosevelt
when he was a schoolboy, and you
know he's very loyal to his old friends.
when he heard that / was out OF a Job
he sent for me and offered me q COM
mand. and the first thing knew was
attached TO the stan OF Admiral
Squills.'
But you don't really know anything
about navigation, do your I queried.
No said he. but I can MI pre-
scription to beat the band I haven't
worked in an Eighth avenue drug store
all these years for nothing Under the
new naval regulations that gives ms
a cinch."
IT was then that ! first began TO ns.
lieve Billie's story. His explanation %
the reasons for his appointment was -
very plausible that I became convinced
that he was not trying to deceive me-
therefore print his story in the nrm
belief that 1t will not necessarily quail
ffy me for membership in the Washing
ton chapter OF the Ananias club OF
America.