davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18
RECIPE FOR REAL TROUBLE.
cheerfuliy Contributed to an Already
Unhappy World.

Trouble making is an older industry
than the manufacture Of steel Cain,
the trouble maker, got into action be
fore Tubal Cain. the iron worker;
and Eve got Adam into hot water long
before the Boiler Makers union began
business.
There are three kinds of trouble
imaginary. borrowed and real.
Imaginary trouble consists OF rail
road accidents. earthquakes. fires. sui
cides, the poorhouse. death. and the
grave. carefully mixed and taken
after a late dinner, or a drop in the
stock market.
Borrowed trouble is The kind we get
from our relatives. Its principal in
gradients are visits. borrowed money.
birthday presents, advice and expecta-
tons But the real article is pro
duced as follows: Put the sandals OF
endurance on your feet. take your life
in your hands and follow by turn the
Happy Philosopher. the
Preacher of Physical Culture and
the Apostle of Diet-Puck
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18

We're thoroughly frightened They
couldn't talk except TO urge the burros
on. The wind took their breath.
we won't be Christmas presents.
I'm afraid. sobbed Nina. through
chattering teeth.
Say your prayers" suggested moth
er, lit is all We can do now"
They had long since dropped the
reins and trusted the burros to choose
their own way. Mother recalled story
after story of men who had persisted
on those mountain trails and she
blamed herself for ever attempting
such a journey. Suddenly a welcome
sight appeared before the struggling
travellers
The lights of Mr.. Deans Cabin!"
exclaimed Nina. oh. mother, We
With fear for the safety of mis- pas
sengers, the stage driver drove down
the trail to the valley.
In the meantime the two plodded
along on the sure footed burros, call
ing merrily TO each other as they
passed the wellknown landmarks.
On and on. up and up they toiled.
the snow falling faster and faster, the
wind more furious every minute. One
mile. two miles. BY that time the
snow blinded them and but for the
faithful burros they could not have
kept the trail. 1t grew colder and
colder, and the short afternoon was
ended That meant sudden darkness
among those solemn, snow-clad peaks.
1t meant too, that mother and Nina
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18

have reached Mr. Deans ranch and
were still alive! Tomorrow wen
see father"
funny thing then happened. Both
burros began to bray. Mother and
Nina laughed and cried at the sound
Instantly the signal was answered.
Robert Dean flung open the cabin
door and in a flood of light beheld his
visitors
Wei, well. weH," he exclaimed
who told YOU that we're having a
Christmas dinner here this evening
turkey and all? Why. Miss Nina, your
father is or was at the tablet
The next thing Nina knew she was
in her fathers arms and mother was
removing her wraps.
Are we frozen or anything, moth
err asked the child
No were all right and so are the
burros.' was the reply.
"Oh, how glad everybody is" the
little girl exclaimed. And I'm hungry
-and-and father, we're your Christ
mas presents!"
Father, for some reason couldn't say
thank you" but didn't speak of re-
turning the precious gifts and it is
doubtful if anywhere in the valley be
low there was such happiness as filled
the mountain cabin that Christmas
eve
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18
EnuIish Women Are Taller

That American women are consid-
erably shorter than their English sis
tiers was the dictum laid down by q
ladies' tailor in a lawsuit in London in
which Sydney Lyons sued Canadian
dTessmaker for gowns he had supplied
The Canadian contended that the
dresses were not 'of American size =
Some experts called to give testimony
declared that models for gowns for
English. French and American women
are the same. but Dressmaker Mckay
of Toronto averred: The English
stock size would not fit anyone in
America. They might fit giraffes, bat
not the women of Hamilton, Ontario
The length from the neck to waist of
the American model is 1412 inches and
of the English Is inches The Ameri-
can shoulder seam is six inches and
the English "a inches" Unfmpressed
BY these measurements the court gave
Judgment for the English dressmaker.
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18
HE CARRIED THE GOLDFISH HOME
Or, Rather, He Meant TO Do II, but
Fate Was Against Him.

When Clerk D. P Conry of the West
hotel won a bowl of goldfish in rattle
he was the produest man in the twin
cities. He bore his prize triumphant
~ into the hotel. and everybody adj
mired the fish At last someone asked
him what he was going to do with
them
Unfortunately, Mr. Conry had not
thought Of that before. 1t was wet.
rainy night, and the prospect of carry
ing home a bowl of mixed water and
goldfish was not alluring. A thought
struck him.
I'm going 10 give them to Louis
Fay" he announced. showing the drip
ping globe at his assistant.
You are not said Mr. Fay, backing
away. 4 don't want them"
Then you just keep them for me TO-
night" suggested Mr.. Conry. III be
around first thing IN the morning.
But Mr.. Fay wouldn't do that, either.
unless Mr. Conry would put the fish In
the safe and take recipe. This Mr..
Conry hesitated at, because he had
never heard of keeping goldfish IN
safe. so he tried TO give the fish TO
each of the bellboys in turn, but with
out success. Then he tried the bar
tender the carpenter, the elevator
boys and the engineer. Nobody want
ed goldfish.
Finally. he had TO start home with
them Few persons, however, have
ever attempted the feat OF carrying
a large bowl of goldfish wrapped in
paper. while standing on the platform
Of a crowded car. Mr. Copry was
showed and pushed and jost,ed- And
all the time he was getting wettef and
wetter
Seems to me-" he said, that this
is the wettest night / ever saw"
When he got home he prepared to
exhibit his prizes to an admiring cir
Gle I've got something here he
said. that will almost tickle you to
death. These are the rarest specimens
of their kind in the whole world Cost
me $3.50 apiece. just because they
were so rare" Then he unwrapped
the package
Il don't see anything but piece Of
a glass BOWL said a bystander.
What" calculated Mr.. Conry,
grabbing at the globe.
But that's all it was. Somebody had
knocked the bottom out-Minneapolis
Journal.
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18
TORTURED SIX MONTHS
BY Terrible Itching Eczema-Baby's
Suffering Was Terrible - Soon
Entirely Cured by Cuticura.

Eczema appeared on my sons face.
We went to a doctor who treated him
for three months. Then he was so bad
that his face and head We're nothing
but one sore and his ears looked as If
they we're going to fall off, so we tried
another doctor for four months, the
baby never getting any better. His
hand and legs had big sores on them
and the poor little fellow suffered so
terribly that he could not sleep. After
he had suffered six months We tried
a set of the Cuticura Remedies and
the first treatment let him sleep and
rest we'll; in one week the sores were
gone and in two months he had a clear
face. Now he is two years and has
never had eczema again. Mrs. Louis
BECK, r. F. D. 8, San Antonio, Tex.
Apr Is, 1907"
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18
optimist and Pessimlst.

Sydney Rosenfeld once wrote COM
edy. entitled The Optimist.' which
achieved success after the production.
but was a long time reaching the
stage. Manager after manager refused
the manuscript, and one day Mr..
Resented. whose patience was ex-
hausted, blurted out TO his sole au-
ditor:
"Of course you don't appreciate the
play You don't even know the
meaning of its name,"
Yes. I do. protested the i'm
presario.
We'll" insisted Rosenfeld, what's
the difference between an optimist
and a pessimist?"
The manager barely hesitated: An
optimist is an eye doctor" he said;
"a pessimist is a foot doctor. Sun
day Magazine
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18
CAUSE AND EFFECT
Good Digestion Follows Right Food

Indigestion and the attendant dis
comforts of mind and body are GER
tain to follow continued use of improp-
er food.
Those who are still young and
robust are likely to overlook the fact
that, as dropping water will wear a
stone away at last, so will the use of
heavy, greasy, rich food, finally cause
loss of appetite and indigestion.
Fortunately many are thoughtful
enough to study themselves and note
the principle of Cause and Effect in
their daily food A y. Y. young wom-
an writes her experience thus:
Sometime ago had lot of trouble
from indigestion, caused by too rich
food. / got so l was unable to di-
gest scarcely anything, and medicines
seemed useless.
"A friend advised me to try Grape
Nuts food. praising it highly, and as
a last resort l tried it. / am thankful
to say that Grape-Nuts not only re-
lieved me of my trouble. but built me
up and strengthened my digestive or
gans so that can now eat anything
desire. But 1 stick to Grape-Nuts."
There's a Reason"
Name given by Postum Co, Battle
Crees, I6ich Read '+The Road to Well
vile" in pkgs.
Ever read the above letter. A new
cne appears from time to time. They
are genuine true and full OF hunaH
interest.
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18
Burn
This
II.
3 IS
AMONGST THE euLL-RusHEs.


Lazy Larry-Woof, Just to think,
with all this wasted effort, I could
have won the Marathon racei
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18

Miss Baxter. feeling the effects OF 8
torrid afternoon in June, was attempt
ing to arouse the interest of her Ian
guild class by giving. as she supposed,
an interesting talk on the obelisk.
After speaking for half an hour she
found that her efforts were wasted.
Feeling utterly provoked. she cried:
Every word that 1 have said you have
let in at one ear and out of the other.
YOu''-pointing to a girl whom she no
ticed had been particularly inattentive
throughout the entire 1esson-"tell me.
what is an obelisk?"
The pupil. grasping the teachers
last words, rose and promptly an
swered:
AN obeIisk is something that goes
IN one ear and out the other. Sue
cess Magazine.
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18
Whv He Remembered.

BY some shuffiing of the social
cards the clergyman and the dog fan
cier were at the same afternoon tea
The wandering talk Unexpectedly re-
solved itself into the question. Who
were the u sons of Jacob? Even the
cleric with the reversed collar had
forgotten. but the doggy man reeled
of the names without error. from
Reuben down TO Benjamin
The clergyman looked surprised.
"Oh, I'm not great shakes on Scrip
ture." said the man with the fox ter
riers. "but those are the names which
some chap gave to a dozen puppies
I'm willing TO sell"
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18
Grown-Up Children.

It is not only the frivolous whom
the spirit of childishness is just now
leading astray. Stiffness is the fash
ion even among the wise Women
especially affect kind of childish
shrewdness in talking OF serious sub
tects. Like children who have the
habit of romancing. they lose the
sense of reality, and because they new
er talk exactly as they think they be-
gin to think exactly as they talk
London Spectator.
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18

Harry Payne Whitney the day his
own and other noted horsemen's
racers We're shipped from London on
the Minnehaha. said of the death of
racing in New York:
"A good many jockeys have been
hard hit A Jockey told me last week
a very sad tale of misfortune. | lis
tened sympathetically."
"'Ah, joe, said I. when a man is
down, few hands are extended to him
The jockey as he chewed straw,
smiled bitterly.
Few yes-that's right he
said, but think of the feet
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18
A Quick Cure vs.. a Slow Cure

in most diseases Is merely the difference in
the length OF suffering and the number of
idle days. In the case of chills and ma
laria, however, the matter of time Is all
important, because every day you allow
the insidious malarial poison to remain IN
your system it means SO much more dan
ger of your becoming a permanent wreck,
physically and mentally. How many peo-
pie return from tropical countries after
siege of fever, never able TO do another
good days work-eloquent examples OF peo-
pie cured" by quinine. Johuson's Chill
Tonic made by the johnson Chill & Fever
Tonic Co., Savannah, Ga, is a prepare
ton that viii cure malaria, chills and
fever or Ia grippe in "a hours, and is sold
on that understanding. Necessarily, in
order TO do this. it does not contain
quinine or any other harmful drug.
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18
The CHANGING Tines.

Times have changed SINCE 100 years
ago, when Halleys comet. for whose
temperance astronomers are now
looking, was in the heavens. Then the
Christian world prayed to be deliv-
cred from the devil. the Turk and the
comet" Now it says the devil is not
as black as he has been painted, the
Turk is a negligible quantity and the
comet would be rather welcome than
otherwise Transcript
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18
Sniffles and Nerves.

Keep TO yourself during warm,
nerve-irritating weather. 1t is related
that an Atchison man and wife dearly
love each other She is a perfect lady,
and apologies when she says
"shucks." But one night, when they
were sitting on the porch, presum-
ably enjoying the tender twilight, she
suddenly picked up a stool and threw
it at his head Il am not insane" she
said. calmly. when he turned a fright
ened gaze on her; Il am simply worn
out by the manner in which you smile
at the end of every SENTENCED At
Gibson Globe
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18
Expert Pocket-PIckinu.

don street by a well-dressed and re-
fined-looking stranger. who effusively
claimed her as a friend. 4 really
don't believe you remember me-" she
exclaimed. reproachfully, and the old
lady, never doubling that her memory
was at fault, confessed that she could
not quite recall the name. "Ah, but
have changed it since you knew me. .
said her interlocutor, gayly, and after
a few more lively speeches she passed
on, having possessed herself mean
while Of the old lady's purse.
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18

The mans cough grew worse, so he
resorted to the physicians.
From the stomach, l think" said
DR.. SimtOm.
Pardon me. there is no such thing
as a cough from the stomach" an
swered DR.. Modern.
From the effects of vaccination, l
should say" announced Dr. Nature
Indeed" replied his colleague, DR..
Serum. let me remind you that tex
cept tetanus, blood poisoning and
graft. there are no evil effects of
vaccination"
We'll" said DR.. Experiment, 1T is
not to be expected that We should all
agree"
ION one thing we are agreed cried
DR.. Getrox. that is TO charge SIS
apiece"
But the widow refused to pay.-Life.
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18
~9$Z{Ea N~s5lJE ,sty4ss
~ - oeErsa . 1920. -
LEGEND OF SANTA CLAUS.
Stockings Hung on Door of Mother
Abbess in French Converts

There grew mp a custom in Christian
countries of giving presents in secret
on the Vigil of st. Nicholas
In Italy it was called the Zopasta,
which means in Spanish a shoe. be-
cause the gifts were put into shoes to
surprise people when they should put
them on in the morning.
In many French converts the board
ers used to place each her silk stock
ing at the door of the room of the
Mother Abbess. recommending them
selves at the same time to St Nicholas.
And in Germany a boy dressed as a
bishop would go round in vestments
and mitre and fill the stockings hung
up.
This solemnity of the boy bishop
came to be kept here with much care
and ceremony on the feast of st.
Nicholas to commemorate his youth
and his patronage of children. In
Salisbury cathedral there is, or was.
a monument to one of these bow
bishops who died during his term of
office. The same custom was observed
in Spain. and in Switzerland until the
end of the eighteenth century. At one
place in England, the convent of God
stowe. in Oxfordshire. public prayers
We're said by little girl dressed as an
abbess
The custom, stopped here first by
Henry VIII. and afterward by Queen
Eliza beth, was in a different form
carried on by the Dutch in America
and became in the end the secularfzed
ceremony we still use here of Santa
Claus. a person dressed in Dutch or
German winter clothes OF the sixteenth
century.
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18
Not Anxious AZ Al.

"One word Of our language that is
almost always misused." said the par
ticular man. lis anxious You will
hear people exclaim hew anxious they
are 10 see a certain play. or anxious
to get a new hat or anxious 10 take
trip TO Europe when they are not anx-
ious at all. but eager or DESTROYS II
anxious we're used only in the right
place We wouldn't hear II half SO
aftan
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18
Work with 4 Will.

We are not sent into this world to
do anything into which we cannot put
our hearts. We have certain work to
do for our bread and that is to be
done strenuously; other work to do
for our delight and that is to be done
heartily: neither is to be done by
halves or shifts, but with viii; and
what is not worth this effort is not
to be done at aIl.-John Ruskin.
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18
EYES All Around.

Pearl-It was awful, dear, awful!
Ruby-What?
Pearl-Why, SO many young men
pass up our street in the evening. I
told Jack to whistle I've Got Ny Eye
on You when he was a block away
Ruby-Gracious. and did he?
Pearl-Yes. and then l found the
whole neighborhood had their eyes or
hin,
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18

Are you one OF the ones who pay in
toll
For your right of way through this
life?
Il so you viii find Hunts Lightning Oil
A friend which will aid in the strife.
To those who earn their own way
by their own labor, accidents occur
with painful frequency. Burns, bruises.
cuts and sprains are not strangers to
the man who wears corns on his hands
A better remedy for these troubles
does not exist than Hunts Lightning
oil
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18
a MuitIoIIcitv Of Fathers.

Ardyce had been learning to sing
America" at school and was trying
to teach f to brother Wayne. One
morning his father heard him shout
ing: Land where my papa died. land
where my papa died"
Ardyce interrupted: "Oh, no.
Wayne. not that way II is Land
where our fathers died"
Wayne's expression could not be
described as he tipped his head side
wise. and in a very surprised tone
gravely asked: Two OF 'em?"-De
lineator.
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18

Sure Sign of Love.
I think Charlie really loves me
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18

New Workers had been warned to
boil water.
What for?" they asked. with Ian
guild interest.
oTo make IL safe 10 drink" replied
the sanitary official.
"Rpr why drink it?" they queried.
with a keener curiosity.--Phiiadelphia
Ledger.
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18


down TO a mere
skeleton My back
was so bad / could
hardly walk and
the kidney secre-
tons much disor-
dered. A week after
l b e g a n u sin z
Doan's Kidney Pills
| could walk with
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18

1t may not cure all your ills, but it
does cure one Of the worst 1t cures
any form of itch ever known-no mat
ter what it is called, where the sensa-
ton is itch it knocks it. Eczema,
Ringworm and all the rest are relieved
at once and cured by one box. It's
guaranteed, and its name is Hunts
Cure.
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18
Noble Gentleman. This.

mo, l do not believe in indiscrim-
mate charity-giving. Whenever a beg
gar tells me he is starving I put him
to the test before believing him. /
tell him to come back in two days
"WeH?"
We'll. if he comes back it's clear
that he told lie. so I refuse him. If
it was the truth, he'd be dead"
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18
Not "Just as Goodp-It,s the Best

One box of Hunts Cure is unfailing-
", unqualifedly, and absolutely guar
anteed to cure any form of Skin Dis
ease. It is particularly active in
promptly relieving and permanently
curing all forms of itching known.
Eczema. letter, Ringworm and all
similar troubles are relieved by one
application; cured by one box.
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18
Incons istent.

Il actually felt sorry for you when
you proposed to me-
Your actions and your statements
don't seem to show that you care much
for the truth
I'D like 10 know why? l did feel
sorry for you
Yet you married me."-Houston
Post
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18
TO CURE A COUGH
C Break a Cold in "a Hours

Mix two ounces of Glycerine and a
koIf ounce of Virgin Oil of Pine COM
pound pure with half pint of Straight
Whisky. Shake well and take a tea
spoonful every four hours.
The genuine Virgin Oil of Pine COM
pound pure is prepared only BY The
Leach Chemical Co. Cincinnati. Ohio.
and is put up only in half-ounce walls.
each vial securely sealed in a round
wooden case to insure its freshness
and purity.
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18
WHY He Was Anqry.

In Boston the property man had 1T
ted a scene with unusually handsome
gold furniture and asked Nine. Bern
hardt how she liked it.
"Oh, bon! bon" she exclaimed,
whereupon the property man prompt
lv bundled the furniture off the stage.
she said it was bum" he ex-
nlained.
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18
OF TWO EVILS, ETC.
Youngster Evidently Had His Own
Idea as TO the Choice.

Ny neighbor, writes correspondent
has four young sons, whom he and his
wife duly lead TO church every Sun
day. just as the sermon was about
to begin last Sunday one Of the boys
was observed TO look very uncomfort-
able, and, having explained the nature
Of his sufferings, was sent home. His
younger brother. in an urgent whis-
per, demanded of his mother: Where's
Tom gomez"
Hes gone home"
What for?"
The mother whispered, low: Hes
got toothache"
And the lad, as he sat up to listen to
the preacher. muttered, in a stage
whisper: Lucky dog"
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18

We o1er one Hundred Dollars Reward for any
ease OF Catarrh that cannot be cured BY Halls
Catarrh Cure.
T. J. CHENEY & CO. Toledo. o.
We. the undersigned, have known r. J. Cheney
for the last Is years. and believe him perfectly hon
orable IN all business transactions and financially
able carry any obligations made by his firm.
WALDING. KINNAN & MARVIN,
Wholesale Druggists. Toledo. 0.
Hairs Catarrh Cure is taken Internally. acting
directly upon the blood and surfaces OF the
system Testimonials sent free. Price IS cents per
bottle. Sold by all Druggists.
Take Hairs Family Pills for constipation.
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18
Rewards Constantly Paid.

The rewards Of great living are not
external things. withheld until the
GROWING hour Of success arrives;
they come by the way-in the con
seriousness of growing power and
worth, of duties nobly met. and work
thoroughly done Joy and peace are
by the way.-Mabie.
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18

PA, Marys upstairs crying again"
whats the matter this time,
MAJ"
u can't just make out whether it's
because she's afraid Jim won't ask
her to go to the theater tonight or
whether she hasn't anything fit to
wear. if he should. Detroit Free
Press
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1908-12-18
Left Them Thinking.

Counsel Ito the jury)-~The princi
pal fault of the prisoner has been his
unfortunate characteristic of putting
faith in thieves and scoundrels of the
basest description. / have done. The
unhappy man in the dock puts implic-
it faith in you. gentlemen OF the jury"