davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31
HUMOR IN THE NEWS.

From the New York World.
 The comic supplements supply their weekly budget of humor. But the days news is not without its suggestions for smiles. The Gramercy Park beggar who gave Los Angeles as his winter residence, the search for a missing 12-toed girl and the case of the Brooklyn citizen who resolutely stood out for his rights and re- ceived a rebate of nickel on the dime he had paid for ice cream soda minus the ice cream, helped to season yester- days news columns with mirth.
 The Brooklyn man need not expect tho sysmpathy of East Orange residents. They were unable to procure soda water at any price, thanks to a Sunday law enforce ment which sent a caterer to jail for at tempting to deliver ice cream. Sunday en- actments revealed their humor also III the foot race arranged to test the Yonk- CTS ordinance prohibiting sports on Sum day.
 The smile in the itemized bill presented by Bennie Travers to his parents for serv- ices in running errands. raking the yard and going downtown for groceries had a parallel Tn the sull oI oroohiyh youtl to be reimbursed for money spent in treat ing a girl to ice cream and taking her to the theatre.
 But 1t is the law, as always, that furn- ishes the choicest examples of uncon- scious humor-in the injunction issued to restrain goats from eating cherry trees in Brooklyn, in the suit of a Bloomfield householder to recover damages for the cruel and unusual treatment of her lawn by dogs and in the invitation to foreign residents of a Pennsylvania county to witness a public hanging by way of an iln- pressive warning. Only decision sus- taining a customs appraisers ciassifca- tion of live snails as wild animals in cap tivity or frogs legs as dressed poultry was needed to round out the contribution of judicial humor
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31
The Floral Parade.

.The floral parade being arranged for the reunion will be beautiful ana unique," said Hugh Martin, the archi- tect. who is in charge of this feature of the reunion attractions. Tn addition to floats, auto cars, carriages and child ren,s traps we are to have horsemen and horsewomen in line-a brilliant ana pictureque cavalcade.
 "The parade will take place late ln the afternoon and. weather favoring, It will be a notable event. Floral car niyals are always popular and 1t IS believed that this will surpass all for mer attempts of this kind"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31
Sudden Imnroxement.

"The recent improvement in business throughout the country is already be- ing reflected in retail trade" said s. H. Steadwell of St. Louis, although 1t will be several weeks perhaps before merchants find their sales nominal. The best of it is the improvement seems to have good bottom and the indications are that by July every branch of in dustry and commerce will be in healthy condition.
 "rhe people of Birmingham are es- pecially optimistic, and well they may be. The active iron market will mean the srarting up of more furnaces. The Tennessee company will have its steel mill at Ensley in operation in June and understand the Southern Steel com pany will immediately upon Its re- organization in June resume operations at some of it's plants. Thousands of wage earners at work who nave been idle for months, will certainly make for brisk times in this district"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31
With the Boys Club.

WI o'Rrien. who was assistant su- perintendent of the Boys Ciup' soiio months ago, but who was recently ein- ployed in the office of the Postal teie- graph has resigned the latter position and returned to the Boys Club. with his former title. Mr. O'Brien Is known to have especial love and fitness Tor the work now undertaken and he Is very popular with the members of the institu- tion The clubs quarters are on the second floor of the Albert restaurant.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31
TWAS EVER THUS.

"As I was walking down the street yesterday morning a benevolent old gen. tleman stepped up and put his hand on my shoulder. Young man, he said with a smile that went straight to my heart I have been watching you for some time and you deserve to be rewarded. Tp1 going to make you my private secretary at a salary of 5000 a week. You won't have thing to do but wear good clothes, dine with me every day and look pleas ant" "
 "Welll We'll Well! That sounds 'n- credible, Did you accept the offer?''
 "Shucks, no! About that time I rolled out of bed and bumped my head on the floorr
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31
BONG.

with due apologies.) When you have won your pile, lad, And laid the dollars by, God grant the price you pay, lad, Be not a brothers sigh. For there are ways and ways, lad, Of winning to the goal; Cling to the fair and square, lad, With all your heart and soul. Mere wealth is far from all, lad. This world can offer you, What boots bag of gold. lad, That only stands for rue? Contentment has no price. lad, And love is for the poor. The sweetest songs are sung, lad, Beside a cottage door.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
Every Inch the Soldier.

General W. L. Cabell, who succeeded Gen. Stephen D. Lee as eommander-ih- chief of the United Confederate Veterans, was known to the soldiers of his Arkan- sas brigade as Old Tige." said man who formerly lived in Dallas, Texas. He won the title by his grim tenaeity as fighter against odds, and when he was elected mayor of Dallas in the lOs, he showed the same undaunted spirit in ad- ministering the affairs of the young, but rot tender Texas city.
 General Cabell looked every inch the soldier when I last saw him, and l venture to say that in spite of his years his mien is as martial as ever.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31
AMOR CIRCUS EST
A. LATApY.

Pray look on the tainted wether Which from the cherished flock should be expelled, Of thy sweet thoughts; my good and bad togetheR
 Are not, in others, good nor bad exceled. Yea if my frailtes through the appearing Of my thin good shall make thy heart averse, My tattered goodness fills full of fearing
 That in the end, thy love must be curse And if thou leav'st me to myself to patch My nabiliments of good, The eye that these rents surely catch
 The wretched efforts of my tailorhood.
 Love that hath eyes Is like bird of night, Outspyng that which would be hid from sight
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31
NED BRACE TALKS ABOUT BIRMINGHAM
 AND THE PEOPLE WHO ARE MAKING TIT

 , hold values, and rents and prices to a point that would throw obstacles in the road of prosperity.
 Wire nails studded with leather are not well to create good cheer in tho path of an automobile: nor are high rents, or prices, or obstacles, unsur- mountable, in the presence of people who would be with us, part of us, and amongst us.
 believe in encouraging those who would be with us and of us. I want to see every man, or set of men, who come, into this district succeed want to see every honest man or cor poration get on top. The crest of the hill is the ambition. There are noun tains and hills about this town en-ugh for each one of ambition to build cas ties in proportion to greatness.
 Why not build up Birmingham as the great industrial center of the world as we have built it up as the most at tractive and beautiful residence city of all the south.
 Where have we today in all ~the southland a more beautiful or more charming city than Birmingham? Where in every way? If there be one it is not known of by
 2aeJ 0,o,ea~
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31
A.es}G,aes
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
IN THE RANKS.

Swing to your manhood and hustle, Leave all your troubles behind, Plunge in the thick of the hustle,
 Scorning the cloak and the blind Go where your duty is calling,
 Into the din and the fray; Fight where your brothers are falling, Strive till the close of the day. Ist's
 Shameful the brand of the quitter, Stamped on his cowardly brow; Sordid his portion and bitter.
 Beaten and wondering how. Others are winning the glory.
 Wrestling the gold and the crown; His is the pitiful story
 Told of the man who is down. Early be up and be doing,
 Making good use of your time, Love of life's beauty renewing,
 Spite of the soil and the gfime. Labor will Tighten your sorrow,
 Courage will carry you through; Luck will turn better tomorrow
 If you are constant and true!
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31

While Evelyn remains decorous she is to have an allowance of 5000 a month, but it is possible she will yet negotiate an allowance that is uncon- ditional. A smaller sum fiat" might suit her better.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31

Hetty Greens recherche dinners at the Plaza are the chief social events of the season. It is even reported that she has an engagement with beauty parlor, but no one has accused her of wearing directoire gown.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31

about and one one-fourth miles long, and will not exceed per cent grade On the steepest slopes. This will enable heavy wagon loads to be hauled over the mountain into the city, and will greatly benefit the trade of the city, and the truck farming of that part of the county. The road will not cost over $10,oU. It runs over lands of the Tennessee and the Republic companies and Capt Frank S. White, and the board of revenue IS now waiting their consideration of the question of giving the right of way. This the owners will doubtless do, as the build- ing of the road will be benefit rather than a detriment to their lands.
 .sThe tunnel would cost several times as much as this road, and the road through the tunnel would have no easier grade than per cent. If as easy The county had best take the money tunnel would cost and establish a tuberculosis sanl- tarium on Shades mountain-as fine location for one as could be found in Colorado"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31

Congress is about to disperse in a friendless and forlorn condition It has been extravagant, inefficient and highly partizan throughout. Let it pass and perhaps it will after a while be forgotten.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31
REPLIES.

 A cheerful loser is always liked by the other players.
 Last call for sweet girl graduate versei also sweet girl graduates.
 The cry of the veterans is, "On to Br- minghamr which sounds as if someone were getting wise to us.
 After enjoying a long rest In the dic- tionary, the word aviation" Is now working overtime.
 The man who looks on a bath as sa- cred institution is seldom found in tha ranks of the radicals.
 Joseph Hart, the actor, is said to have made a hit abroad MT. Burns, the pug, has made several.
 The Washington Post points out that I'M. w" also stands for more whisky That is not a bad stand.
 When hailed by a policeman the ten dency of the average colored brother is to run. PAUL Cooh'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31

Cuba Libre has not single case of yellow fever, and her landed proprie- tors and merchants desire a continua- tion of Uncle Sam's overlordship.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31

, from Washington. I wanted to see the people of Alabama talk out in meeting. We of Alabama are the real people of the real state of the United States of America. We have the ability, tn :, learning, the industry and the natural products-the soil and the solutions to make it the state of states. We have brought to us, by virtue of our mineral rights, the greatest manufac- turing concern in the world. We have in our Greater Birmingham the great est Corporation in the world as the owner of the old Tennessee Coal and Iron properties; and in charge of them we have a Georgia boy of less than 40 years of age, who has been schooled and trained from boyhood in the real workings of making iron and steel and making the same profitable.
 It is up to the men wh6 started the work and those who have taken it up, and who are pushing 1t forward, to make the destinies of the Birmingham district. They have done wel1 they are doing well, they will do better-far better.
 & < %
 Look ahead-1ook far ahead-for a future for Birmingham which we of the junior class have not calculated upon: but let us do our part in keeping the old seniors down who would try to
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31

Watson and Debs have not joined in the demand for campaign public ity bill, and yet they are not supposed to be fat-fryers.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31

There are 1940 boxes to be recount ed in the Hearst-McClellan contest, and that number cannot be critically counted in day or even week.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31
\ p people of Birmingham really J do not appreciate what we
 have here.
have here.

Some may think we are mixed up with hard times. Some may think what we have is not good. Some may fear our little lots on alley corners and our little suburban acreage prop erty may not pan out. Some, who do not own lot of bank stocks or lot of collateral which Is good for real big loans, might be scared to extend themselves.
 I may be wrong, but I don't look at it that way. I am an optimist under the tent of the Birmingham district gest elephants with the longest tusks and the greatest lions, and the fiercest tigers with the most stripes and the most of everything that is.
 What is the use in claiming it, or talking about 1t? We have run the race and won the wreath of victory The jockey who wins has trotted back to the stand and goes off to the pad dock garlanded with a wreath of roses.
 The above is merely simile of speech.
 In writing I speak in fact. I like to delve into politics. told the real story two weeks ago when I wrote
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31

The convention halls at Denver and Chicago are to be dry" but the rest of those towns will be wet enough to make the average high.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31

Arizona fears that the banishment of Cololel Stewart may lead to the sending of all ill-tempered men to her ounds, and she has not room for all.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31

The Joe Cannon political currency bill struck snag when it attempted to sail over Wisconsin's senior sena- tor,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31
Florida Road over Red Mountain.

of the two propostions-the Red mountain tunnel and the Red mountain road-which have recently been discussed before the board of revenue and indorsed by the city council.' said H. K. White, it is quite certain that one of the propo- sltions--the road-will soon become a reality
 "The board of revenue some time since appointed, in accordance with the statute. four viewers, Jere c. King. White E. Gibson, G. T. Brazelton and myself, to mark out the road and assess damages for the right of way. We have had de- tailed survey of the road made by c. A. Browne, an able civil engineer. and have reported to the board of revenue the course and terminal of the road. It com mences at the south end of Florida av- cnue. heretofore called St. Charles street. and winds up the slope of Red boun- Ls,ain. crossing the crest about where 12th street, if extended, would strike. It then winds down the south slope of Red mountain and goes into the Irondale and Oxmoor road about half way between Rosedale and Oak Grove.
 "The road. with it's windings. will be
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31

The enemies of Mir Bryan have started the story that he does not like baseball This is blow indeed below the belt.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31

The Alabama and the Maine are 70 lead the battleship fleet around the world. Alabamas priority is therefore physical as well as alphabetical.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31

Uncle Joe Cannon's assets currency bill is hung up by chin music in the Senate.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31

Taft for breadth and Fairbanks for altitude and low temperature, seems to be the coming Chicago ticket.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31

Arizona is the American Siberia. and decrees of exile may yet fill her with people.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31

Congress appropriated to one thing or another 921a carloads of gold in the first billion-dollar session.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31

A Theodore III. club has been organ ized in New York. It is simply third term incident
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31

Fairbanks is inclined to decline a second vice presidential term. He is tired Of laying corner stones
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31

The trade in fly and mosquito net ting Is becoming brisk-the brisker the better for the public health.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31

 THE LEAvEN OF DEFEAT. Though stript of possessions he counted most dear Of love and the rest He said. "A new promise is bound to ap- pear 'Tis all for the best" Though shadows fell thic.. on the way of his life, And followed him fast, He cried, T will yet do my part in the strife And hope to the last" And thus he toiled on to the end of the road, Undaunted and brave, the goad, / He found in his grave.
 NATURAL QUESTION. There are 300 paint factories in this country Face or house?"
 ABUSE OF. PRIVILEGE.
 Take tumble,
 Little man. Don't you grumble
 Cause you can.
 IN BRIEF. "Joupropose?' "Yeh." What dshesay?'' 'G'wanI"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31

The Red river cut new channel last week and several whilom Texas farm CTS found themselves subject to Okla homa's progressive constitution.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31

The detectives are unuable to locate Rube Waddell and Mrs. Guinness. ..
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31

Alas. no campaign publicity bill can retroact back as far as 1896 when the slush business was first inaugurated.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31
POLITICAL HOPES.

''Who is that chesty individual strut ting up and down the lobby?
 'Oh, that is Major Wait, who has been mentioned as possible secretary of war in Senator Blanks cabinet, if the sena- tor Is elected President in 1916''
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31

IS THIS TRUE? Beyond the Alps lies Italy, But here's the rub. Beyond the altar lies, ah, mel The washing tub.
 Louisville Courier-J Journal. Howe CT, if there should be a snag In true loves course, One may obtain, o gentle wag, A quick divorce.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31
A ROUGH HOUSE,

Did he carry out his programme last night?"
 Hell, mo-" answered Prairie Bill. "He were carried out himself!'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31

AS THEY SAY. Said Slow Pete while He rested there, "At any rate, I'm on the square"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31
OFTEN THE CASE

UT HIN IIIH OzA5N' ''Is Shrinker a hen-pecked man?" Not if he obeys promptly"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31

A cheerful loser is always liked by the
 other players.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-05-31
IN BRIEF

"Joupropose?" "Yeh."
 What dshesay" Gwan!'"
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-10-31

tenant sent a detail to bring mp food
and water, and we spent the night be.
hind our shelters. watching the open
space between us and the mouth of
the canyon, with instructions to shoot
at anything that moved. Soon after
daybToal; we discovered that the IN.
iians lad decamped mp the gorge, and
he lieutenant ordered half dozen OF
ms to bring in the bodies of Kelso and
Krim."
And ycu found them scalped?" II
was the colonel who spoke. The ma
ior rubbed his hands softly together
In the darkness.
NO, sir" answered the sergeant
we found all four bodies, reds and
our men alike, wearing the yellow
tuft."
The yellow tuft! What Is that?"
inquired the colonel
II think. sir" said the sergeant. It
is what you would call decoration
for bravery in action. When a Nava-
10 10 killed in battle. and his people
can't bring his body in and bury It
with honors, they try at any rate to
give him tho tuft. II is a little bunch
of yellow feathers, sir, bound with a
string and tied on the forehead. Krlm
and lielso both had IL, Some red had
rislSed his life in crawling out to the
bowlder during the highland he had
not overlooked tho fact that our fell
lows were also in the scrimmage I'm
der the circumstances, we decorated
the two dead Indians with cavalry
button apiece, lied around their necks,
and buried an four in the same grave"
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-10-31
A Dead Man lay.

rectly in front Of him he saw a PIC
ture in a silver frame, II was photo
graph of a woman-not a particularly
handsome woman-but glorilied by .
dazzling smile--and he recognized that
smile!
From that face he turned reluctant
ly at last to gaze with scOrn at the
cold features OF the man lying there
with the scarlet mark of sin upon his
brow. re felt no pity now--nothing
but contempt-but Martha's words:
Il would rather see you dead than dis
hpnored," rang in his ears.
With smile he placed the letter
the contemplate lettgr-in his pocket
picked IN Frazer's pistol, replaced the
empty shell with q loaded cartridge,
and laid the weapon in a drawer
Then he tore the collar of the cashiers
coat, ripped one sleeve half its length,
aud overturned the chairs and scat
tered them about.
1t was nearly daybreak. In a few
moments the gray would be creeping
up the eastern sky.
Quickly the burglar blew the safe
and scattered the gold and silver ard
banknotcs upon the floor. Now he
said, to himself, they will find the
bank broken, tho safe looted, the
cashier murdered" Leaving his soap
and dark lantern by the shattered
safe, he fled, and two thinss only did
he take-the cashiers letter and the
photograph in the silver frame.
Through the rain and darkness he
drove away penniless but not unhap
py A woman's smiling face seemed
TO thank him. He laughed aloud as
he He'd through the gray of moraing
thinking of a schoolgirl smiling at .
ragged urChin,
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-10-31

tie sizzle of renewed energy, Bobby
found the diamond necklace in his
hand-how, he could not tell
A light step on the stair, and the
necklace slipped into his pocket and
Its case into a convenient waste.bas-
ket, while Bobby turned with a smile
to greet his bride, who stood blushing
In the doorway.
Following prevalent fad, Mr. and
Mrs Bobby Tunstall refused to di.
vulge TO family or friends the plan
for their wedding journey, and so 1t
was not until they were discussing
their first dinner in their cozyylittle
home-one of the wedding presents
that they were made acquainted with
Me loss OF the necklace.
Bobby turned white as Laura's sis.
ter Agnes told with dramatic effect
the tragic tale, and Laura said! giving
his hand little surreptitious squeeze
under the table: II really believe
you feel the loss more keenly than /
do, darling"
Il am sure do" said Bobby.
All that evening the necklace hung
about his neck like the Ancient Mar.
iner's albatros, and at night 1t was Sc.
curely tucked away into his sponge
bag. for, he argued, that would be
the last place a burglar would ever
think of searching for valuablcs.
Although, through skillful manage.
meht. he had been able to bring the
necklace home without pledging a
pearl for the purpose which had i'm
PEELED him to purloin it, his heart
sank at the futile devices of his brain
for returning 1t to its rightful owner.
At first he thought of making a
Joke of the whole affair with his
wife. but when he learned from Agnes
the enormous excitement the matter
had created. ana was told that detec-
tiyes were at work on the case, he
gave up that scheme. As for going
TO Mr.. Bridges, he preferred TO imag.
Ire rather than experience father.