Virginia citizen. (Irvington, Va.) 1891-1921, 1908-02-07
NAMES OF NEW WORKERS.
Having Fun With the Directory of the
Big City.

ftdNil0 F0n WIN NpG 6EGClOtJ OF tno
Big City.
You have all heard and most OF you
have told the story of the man who
didn't care to read the dictionary be-
cause the subject changed SO often.
This is, OF course, a funny way of say
Ing that the dictionary is q dry book
However, one might perhaps extract
amusement even from dictionary il
he knew how. Certainly he can get
entertainment from city directory.
Take, for instance, our own new city
directory. That ii has more names
than its immediate predecessor and
that this indicates that New York has
grown just as much in population in
just such time-these things go with
out saying.
But what reference Is made In the
directory to that great matter of Love.
which has ruled the world for no one
knows how many years? Go through
the book, dear reader, and you will
find that II contains forty-seven Loves,
one Heart and one Lover. There are
twenty Spooners, two Huggers, sixty
one Darlings, three Bears, five Petts,
three Sparks, six Kisses, three Smacks
and ten Hugs.
A study of the directory shows, too,
that. despite its boosted democracy.
New York lis endowed with five and a
half columns of Kings, twelve Queens.
one column of Princes. twenty-four
Dukes, thirty-eight EarIs and eighty
two Lords. There are sixteen Castles
for all this royalty to dwell in.
The spiritual welfare of the city
ought to be well looked after also, for
we find listed sixty-three Popes, four
Cardinals, 132 Abbots, nine Abbeys.
eleven Pri&ts, twenty Parishes, two
Chapels, thirty-eight Elders, a column
and three-quarters of Parsons, two col
umns OF Deans, twelve Deacons, a col.
umn of Churches, forty-eight Sections.
twenty-eight Christians and eight BIZ
bles.
1t speaks pretty well for New York's
sobriety and general good character
that Notwithstanding the vast number
or people whose names are In the d.
rectory there are only two Lushers,
one Bum, fourteen Bunns, thirteen
Bats, four Lushes, fifteen Stills. one
Branigen, three Lodes and one Booz.
In the matter of smoking great tenn
pearance Is shown, too, for there are
listed but one Smoker, one Pipe and
one Smoke.
Father Knickerbocker's barber shop
is well filled. 1t has sixty-seven Bar.
bers and five Shavers-quite n bunch
to look after only thirty Boards and
one Hair-but it has one Pole out and
Is ready to do more business
There are four and one-half columns
of Bakers. fourteen Rolls, one Cake.
bread and one Pies. aud he is a Har.
lem baker, by the way.
That New York is still young town
Is shown by the fact that there are
seven columns OF YOungs and only six
Odds. The comparison OF seven Fats
as against one Skinner doesn't consti-
tute bad showing either.
Considering the greatness and good
ness Of the big burg, it is hard to see
why the directory should hand 1t TWEEN
ty-one Lemons. The fact that we have
] also fifteen Apples, eighteen Citrons,
five Oranges, five Peaches, one Grape
three Plums and one Pear doesn't
make entire amends, but New York
isn't going to cry about It, 1t is too
light hearted, for, as the directory
shows, it has eighteen Joys and seven
Happes to only one Tear.
The first name in the directory is
Jaques IA, and the last name is Louis
Zyss. There are twelve narnes that
begin with y, nine columns OF Joneses,
thirty-five columns of Smiths, two col
umns OF John Smiths and nineteen col
umns OF Browns.-New York World.