davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05
RILEY'S FIRST Hit.
Wrote Poem "by Poe" and PaImeo
II on the Public.

It on the Public.
James Whitcomb Riley began his On
reer in newspaper office in Anderson,
Ind, 10y writing humorous rhymes as
advertising locals" - "doggerel" he
called them. At the same time he
wrote many rhymes with the serious
intention of having them. II possible,
recognized us poems. But he could not
get them published. Even compost
tons whose worth he had tested-those
that would please people when Id
stand up and read 'en to them" would
be returned promptly by every masa-
zine TO which he offered them for pub
LEGATION. The Hoosier dialect was toe
low down" for the average magazine
editor.
Finally In a freak of boyish indigna-
tlon to prove that what editors really
wanted was not originality. but imta
ton. he devised the scheme of writing
poem In imitation of Poe and of
palming 1t off on the public as u real
poem of Poe's recently discovered. The
scheme was very skillfully planned
and very deftly executed and success
full beyond anything the clever deviser
Of 1t had ever dreamed. From one end
of the country to the other "Leonainie"
was hailed us II veritable find" a bit
of genius most genuine ore. Riley had
his revenge He had some trouble
however in proving that he was not an
Intentional forger.
He lost his newspaper position. but
he Immediately got another and better
one on the indianapolis Journal Come
and get pay for your work" said Judge
Martindale. the editor The turn in the
tide had come.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05
LlNC0LWS JOKE.
Fixing the Responsibility For the Loss
of Harpers Ferry.

FiSIn9 tHe hSSPoasISi3ty For the Loss
of harpers Ferry.
President Lincolns jokes. especially
when perpetrated in connection with
grave matters, usually had purpose
In them. After Lee had taken Har-
pers Ferry the president. realizing how
k"9at calamity 4 was to the north.
ern arms, determined If possible to fix
NE responsibility for the loss of the
important position.
TIallecli was summoned. but did not
know where the blame lay. Very
we'll" said Lincoln, III ask General
Schenck." The latter could throw no
light upon the question, further than
to say that he was not to blame. Mil
roy was the next to he called to the
presence of the commander In chief
and to enter a plea of mot guilty"
Hooker was next given II hearing. aud
Fighting Toe" made a very emphatic
disclaimer OF all responsibility
Then the president assembled the
four generals In his room and said to
them: Gentlemen. Harpers Ferry was
surrendered and none of you. 1t seems,
Is responsible. ! am very anxious to
discover the man who is" After strid
ing across the room several times the
president suddenly threw up his bow
ed head and exclaimed: Il have II!
know who IL responsibler
who. Mr. President; who is it?'
asked the distinguished quartet as they
looked anxious, IL not troubled.
Gentlemen" said the president,
with meaning twinkle In his eye
General Lee Is the man."
There was lack of mirth In the
laugh created. and the four generals
took their departure with n determine
ton that they would not again be
placed under suspicion.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05
Thouuhtfut.

There Is an elderly business man OF
Cleveland of whom friends tell story
amusingly illustrating his excessively
methodical manner of conducting both
his business and his domestic affairs
The Clevelander married young wO-
man living In n town not far away. On
the evening OF the ceremony the pro-
spective bridegroom. being detained by
an unexpected and important matter
of business. missed the train he had In
tended to take In order that he might
reach the abode of his bride at
o'clock. the hour set for the wedding.
True to his instincts. the careful Cleve-
lander Immediately repaired to the tele-
graph Office. from which to dispatch a
message to the lady. II read: Don't
marry till | come. Howard. "-Har-
per's Weekly.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05
ANIMAL TAILS.
The Functions of Those of Cats. Lions
and Jaeuars.

ana JGquars.
A cat never actually wags its tail.
Why should 1t when 1t can pur? But
purpose IN permitting temporary en-
penditure of excess nervous energy
when the animal is under great strain,
For instance, when carefully stalking
4 bird or IA man. as In the case of Il
kitten or lion. the tip of the tail is
never still for Il momeut-ever curling
and uncurling We may compare this
to the nervous tapping of the foot or
fingers In man. When an angry lion
Is roaring his loudest. hN tail Will fire.
Quently lash from side 10 side. giving
rise among the ancients TO the belief
that he seourged his body with IL hook
or thorn which grew from the end Of
the tail
When Il jaguar walks along slen-
der bough or a house cat perambulates
the top of board fence. we perceive
another important function of the tail.
that of an aid In balancing As tight
rope performer sways his pole. SO the
feline shifts its tuil to preserve the
center of gravity.
The tail of sheep seems to be of
little use TO Its owner. although In the
breed which Is found In Asia Minor
and on the tableIands of Tartary. this
organ functions as II storehouse OF fat
and sometimes reaches II weight of
fifty pounds. When viewed from be-
hind the animal seems all tall. and
when this appendage reaches Its full
size 1t Is either fastened between two
sticks which drag on the ground or 1t
Is suspended ON two small wheels.-C.
William Beebe In Outing Magazine.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05
Bundles Bad Break.


Mr.. Bunge always takes deep and
sympathetic interest In the welfare OF
his fellow man. While out for Il stroll
one day he met friend, who seemed
in great hurry.
Hold on. Jones'" said Bungle. grab
bling his friends arm. why this rush y
"Bungle." said Jones. removing his
hat and wiping his brow. I'm hot foot
ing 1t to a specialist. believe my
brain Is affected"
Mr.. Bungle. to allay the fears of his
friend and show the customary com
miseration, said jovially:
"Pshaw. Jones. you shouldn't worry
about such little thing as that
"Wh-hatf"
81 mean you shouldn't let such n III
tie thing as your brain--that Is. Mr.
Jones. you shouldn't get SO excited over
nothing-of course-ah. good day, Mr.
Jones"-Bohemian.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05
MjchelapueIo,

Michelangelo stood in the front rank
both as painter and sculptor In
both arts he was worthy Of the high
est praise. The fresco of the Last
Judgment in the Sistine chapel is
considered the most wonderful picture
In the world. showing the omnipotence
of artistic science and the fiery daring
OF conception that but few other paint
ings can even approximate. In sculp-
ture the Moses" and the Slaves" not
to mention other pieces. rang among
the finest creations of the art and pro-
claim Mlchelangelo to have been as
masterful with his chisel as he was
with his brush.-New York American.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05
Teaching tho Drummer.

1t was the custom In the days of our
old navy for the men to bring to the
mast all the WORKOUT articles which
were to be inspected. handed In and ex
changed for new. The drummer had
applied for so many drum heads that
the commodore felt sure he was being
imposed upon and one day set himself
to watch while the band was playing
AS one rafting martial air followed an
other his anger increased perceptibly
until he burst forth In uncomfortable
rage:
There. now. confound you, ! see
why you use so many drum heads
Don't drum In the middle of It all the
time Drum all over that drum. tell
you
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05
The Attraction Of Chess Problems.

The mere player who has never ex
perienced the magnetic attraction OF
problems cannot fully realize the feel
ing of JOY and satisfaction from solv
Ing some masterpiece. the work Of d
famous composer. There can be nc
doubt that solving problems. especially
from diagrams. is an intellectual
amusement and that the study OF prob.
quickens the perception and strength
ems the chess faculties generally and
may occasionally impart some of those
sparkling ideas which are so sadly
needed In ordinary play.-Strand Mag
aZine.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05
Improved on Solomon.

In certain Sunday school little
girl told the story of Solomon and the
disputing mothers in this wise: solo
mon was a very wise man. One day
two women went to him. qnarreling
about n baby. One woman said. This
Is my child and the other woman
said No faint: It's mine But Solo
mon spoke up and said: No. no. la
dies; don't quarrel. Give me my
sword. and I'll make twins Of him. 80
you can both have one"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05
A. a Disadvantage.

Bacon Would you call him good
talker?
Egbert-No, would not.
How many times have you heard
him talkY
"Only once"
"And when was thatT
"When he was trying to open a car
window Yonkers Statesman.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05
Actinu Like a Man.

The curtain had just gone down on
the second act. leaving the heroine In
the villains clutches. Up In the balco.
ny sentimental woman burst into
tears.
Don't cry. dear" said her husband.
Remember, it's only play. Act like
a man.
Every well, John" said the lady.
smiling through her tears. you'll ex-
cuse me for moment won't you? I
must run out and send n telegram
RohQmian
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05
Consider the Birds of the Air.

An eminent ornithologist calls atten-
ton to the fact that a crane can travel
through the air thousand miles a
day without tapping It's wings, but by
merely keeping them stretched and I'D
justed 10 the prevailing breczes, a
hawk can stay In the mir for days and
weeks. moving with its wings notion
less 1t is the same with the gulls and
numerous other winged creatures. In
studying the science Of aerostatics con-
slider the birds Of the alr.-Boston Her
mid
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05
For Winter Use.

A lady farmer planted n garden. She
was very proud of her prospective
peas, but when her husband asked II
they were ripe she said, "Oh, they
haven't come up yeti"
Haven't come up yet? Why, the
seasons nearly ovcr"'
yes" she said. but l planted cGn-
ned peas. think they come up lit
t,e late."-New York Times.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05
An Auditive Illusion.

An Auditive Illusion.
what town IL that few miles to
the north?' shouted the aeronaut. lean
Ing over the edge Of the basket.
Oshkosh" yelled the agriculturlst
over whose farm the balloon was pass
ing.
"What?
"Oshkosh!"
What did he say?' asked the aero
naut's companion.
"IIe didn't say anything. He swOre
at me."-Chicago Tribune.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05
Riot of JOY Proffered.

A tramp applied for help at a house
In the country. The kind hearted mis-.
tress made it rule never TO turn any
away empty handed
Here's u dime for you. my man"
she said I'm not giving it to you for
charlty's sake. but merely because II
pleases me-
''Thankee." said the man. but
couldn't you make 1t quarter and en-
joy yourself thoroughly, mum ?"-Phila-
delphia Ledger
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05
Tolerance.

George Eliot was once asked what
was the chief lesson she had learned
in life's experience. and her prompt
answer was. Tolerance 1t might
have been expected from a woman
who once said that she regarded life
as Il game OF cards In which she watch
ed each move with the deepest interest
and turned as far as possible to her
own advantage.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05
The Trouble With Carr.

~ rather like your friend" Mrs.
Page said graciousIy after Carr had
gone home. He Is good looking and
agreeable. bay you can't call him n
brilliant conyersationaiist The Law.
ton girls talked all round him."
UNFORTUNATELY. replied Mr.. Page.
Carr cannot talk on subject unless
he knows something about IT,"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05
Plsnts That Hate One Another,

FTdhts nat Hate One Nnothcr.
Fancy two plants being so unfriend'
ly that the mere neighborhood Of one
is death to the other. Yet this Is the
case with two well known English
plants. These are the thistle and the
rape. II field Is infested with this
ties which come up year after year
and ruin the crops. all you have to do
is to SOW 1t with rape. The thistle will
be absolutely annlhilated.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05
Joltinn ttn Granelad.

A fond grandfather and father were
ndmiring the new baby. Fond Grand.
father declare. That youngster is a
great deal more Intelligent than you
were at his age. lnsulted Father
Naturally: he has a great deal brighter
father.-I.ife.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05
Had a Woman 10 Blame.

81 have had dreadful luck. This
morning dropped my spectacles, and
my wife stepped on them"
That's what | call good luck. If ]
had dropped mine, | should have step
ped on them myself. Rec
ord Herald.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05
Common Factors.

Schoolmnster-Now can any Of you
tell me whether there Is connecting
link between the animal and vegetable
kingdoms? Small Roy-Yes. sir. please;
there's hash,-London Opinion.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05
Ridinu the Rail.

A Georgia paper says, HE who rides
on the rail courts death"
1t was an Irishman, ridden on rail,
who said that except for the honor Of
the thing he would just as soon walk
Houston Post.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05
The Judges Advantage.

'"There Is one advantage which a
Judge always has In his profession"
~What Is thatT'
"Whether he succeeds In given case
or not. he can always try it."-Kansas
City Independent
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05

The Averncc Man.

PA. what's an average man?~
"One who has sneaking suspicion
that he has qualities which make him
superior to anybody else" Chicago
Tribune
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05
Il Mas Ihsra.

Composer-Did you hear the torment
and despair in my tone poem, "Tan.
talus" that just played you? LIS
tener-No, but noticed them on the
faces Of the audience.-Fliegende Blat-
tn.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05
A Mere Paintina.

Ehe-Why. no The stolen Gains.
borough was not haiti was pic
ture. Her Husband-Oh. thought
from the value that 1t was hat
Town and Country.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05

Teacher-Freddy Fangle. you may
give the German name of the river
Danube
Freddy-Dunno.
Teacher-Donau! That Is right. l
am glad you have studied your lesson
so well.
Freddy is surprised. but keeps still.
Exchange.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05
The Poet Answered.

do you know that ! was born on
the same day Emerson died!"
Both events being n cruel misfor
tune to literature Bohemian
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05
THIRTY-FOURTH YEAR.
THE WOODPECkER
Gasoline : Engine

Controversy between Sammy
Brown and wife on Gasoline En-
CINE Say. Mother, we have
Just had one of the worst trouh-
les down to the barn you evei
saw. What is the matter now
sammy "Why the horses goi
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05

Strike from mankind the principle
OF faith and men would have no more
history than flock Of sbeep.-Lytton.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05

He hurts the good who spares the
bad.--Pope.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05

to crowdn on the horsepower and pushed that Billy horse
clear off, hurt of his hind legs he it
dangerous business" why Mother that Billy horse is
worth more than engine aud don't propose have such
thing happen again. going write Barton
Huffman, Ringoes, right away and if make a
deal on Woodpecker Engine" "We!l Sammy don't
think you ought other makes before you buy
one? mo If man is pre- JUDGED single glance at the
Woodpecker will convince him that it he wants
Why they the simplest affair in the engine kind have
ever seen, there is nothn of it, Say, Mother they
good and that of the main features
engine You don't have throw your
Woodpecker, They will go every time hot cold
wet or dry" Say Sammy, what does like that p
'Oh. l mt got time talk I'm goin' Mr.. H uf-
right away and if he has any in stock I'm gon'
bring one home with me before they gone LII have
TO wait for one"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05

Never was good work done without
much trouble.-Chinese Proverb
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-02-05

On Washlngton's birthday. 1922.
when Molly was nearly seventy years
old. the legislature of Pennsylvania
voted her gift Of $40 and pension
Of $40 per year.
Pine Bluff daily graphic. (Pine Bluff, Ark.) 1893-1942, 1908-03-15

George Peabpdy the philanti,rcpiSt,
and John Bright often Went 10 ireland
together to Ash, or" cay they went
couple OF miles up the Shannon be
tween Castlsconnell and Killai0e
They had engaged The services Of two
boatmen, and as Bright and l'eabo4!
were keen anglers they made a long
day Of It. On returning IN the evening
Bright. noticing policeman on tie
river bank, asked what SUM the boat
men were entitled +" for Their time
The constable said anything from.
seven and siXpence 60 10 shllnYs
Bright turned to i;< companion. say
ing: Il have no change, FeahHly
Have You thr.r half crowns: The
mil.iODaire produced the coins and
gave them to on" Of The boatinen. who
said. And Is tha; al! ye're givin me-:
THAT Is ALL" replied Peabody. We'll
that bates all liver heard" observed
the boat1nan, adding rs lie scratched
his head: An they call ye l'avbody
Faith, should cal! ye Paynoiody."
London Standard.
Pine Bluff daily graphic. (Pine Bluff, Ark.) 1893-1942, 1908-03-15
Chon Susy Best Of All.

al have tried them all In their IA.
tive haunts. and / like them" said the
Traveller, according to the Baltimore
Sun.
'rTried what" asked the bys,auder
"Pailroads1"
"No; national dishes answered the
traveller. "fhe hot ta,nale Of the Mex
lean, thu goulash Of the Hungarian, tbs
chop susy OF the Chink, are all known
t. me and many others.
"The best OF them ali Is chop suey
The hot tamale Is too hot and has very
little nour.ssmeat to It, and gou ash is
too heavy. 1t tastes pretty good. bat 1,
u not food to recommend to a IMAM
With q weak stomach. Chop suey. how
ever. IL spreiziag, easily digested and
very nourisling. II Is the great contrl
button OF the 3rient to the occ;dent IL
my opinion. Z IL made OF rice, sprout
oil beans. celery and chickens blond
all mixed together, In the form OF sorf
and nicely seasoned
Pine Bluff daily graphic. (Pine Bluff, Ark.) 1893-1942, 1908-03-15
Some Wives Arc Different.

"Most men" said the man OF expert
ence. think It must be awfully nice to
have a wife who takes things as cool.
~ as Dave potters wife takes them,
bat others, more discriminating, prefer
good honest row to her style OF quiet
cynicism. The way she behaved tbs
other day when She found letter in
Dawes pocket from girl in Brooklyn,
IL an example Of her method
81 don't see. wrote this girl, how
on earth can ever live without you
Dawes wife read that g7lsh and q
lot more just Hike it without ever turn
ing hair.
well she said quietly. that CIR,
- fool. II she knew you as we'll AZ
do She would be wondering how or
earth she could ever live will. you
And that In the opinion of the dis
eliminating few, cuts a whole lot deep
Or than q common, everyday rumpus.'
New York GLOBE
Pine Bluff daily graphic. (Pine Bluff, Ark.) 1893-1942, 1908-03-15
The Axial Rotation of Venus.

For over two centuries it was gener,
ally accepted that, like the earth. the
planet Venus rotated on its axis IN Il
little less than tweaty-four hours, b'1t
since Schiaparelli after long and caro-.
ful observation OF the planet suggest
ed that the actual rotation period was
between six and nine months astron,
omers have devoted much attention to
this matter. In the Observatory Mr.
Denning sums UP the available evi.
dence on the point and can only con.
clude that this particular problem Still
defies solution. Life on Venus woulI
be very different from lie on the earth
should the planets avail rotation he
as Schiaparelli asserted, identical witt.
the period Of its revolution round the
sun, as In that case the same heml
sphere would always be turned to tlit
sun and enjoy perpetual day. while .As,
opposite hemisphere would be doomed
to eternal night.
Pine Bluff daily graphic. (Pine Bluff, Ark.) 1893-1942, 1908-03-15
GIVE NOTICE
OF ELECTION

Madison, Wis. Mar. 40 al
notice of election of judicial OH -rrs
and delegates to national party IL
MENTIONS ON April Z, was sent CO. TO
county clerks today by s t.r} i
State Frear and will BIZ II Il. y
made public on Monday.
The notice provides for Tie cleo
tion of one justice of the supreme
court, in place OF Hon. Robert IL.
Bashford, appointed to fill the va
szancy caused by the death CT Hon.
John b. Cassoday. for the unexpired
term ending in January, 1910, and
also for the election Of five circuit
court judges and such municipal
judges as are required by law.
The section OF the notice relating
10 the election of delegates to the
national convention provides for
the selection Of 'twenty-six dele
gates for each political party tt
each national convention.
Pine Bluff daily graphic. (Pine Bluff, Ark.) 1893-1942, 1908-03-15
A Plant Of All Work,

The fields as we'll as the broad roads
of Ecuador are inclosed by adobe walls
surmounted by the broad leayed Amer
lean aloe. The aloe, sometimes called
the century plant, is one of the Nos;
useful and important plants In TIC
country, The Indians tllateh their hut~
with its leaves. The leaves when tap,
ped yield sirup. They can also be used
AZ soap and the spines as pins. Tic
fber IS woven into sacks, and from il
are made the coarse sandals. worn 10y
the common people. The tall flower
stalks are used for beans and ladders
The flowers. boiled and soaked IN vine
gar. make an agreeable plcl,le.--Nation
al Geographic Magazine.