Palestine daily herald. [volume] (Palestine, Tex.) 1902-1949, 1908-10-15
ABOUT
HUSBANDS
Uncle Alexander Teils How to
Manage Them.

Our hired man came in with
choice little bit of gossip, and my
Uncle Alexander and Aunt Hetty lis
tened with interest. I was interested,
too
He come flynn out O. the house
with his suspenders streakin' out be
hind him. an pot lid come after an
hit one O. them fancy cochins of hers
an laid 1t out stiff" chuckled our
hired man.
It's an i'll wind that don't blow no
one no good" commented my Uncle
Alexander. THAT ought to mean a
chicken dinner"
''Then she stood in the doorway an
gave him the wust tongue lashin' that
you ever heard tell Of" said our hired
man. If there was anythin' ornery
that she didn't call him, my mem'ry
amt what it ulster be-"
My Aunt Hetty made deprecatory
noise with her tongue and teeth.
"Sech doin's!" she exclaimed.
80, I dunno!" said my Uncle Alex
ander.
How'd you like me to throw pot
lids at you?" asked my Aunt Hetty.
Il s'pose you'd like that"
1--WE certainly amt had chicken for
quite a spell,' said my Uncle Alex
ander 'Not since Brother Piper was
here. She didn't hit him with any
thin, did she, Preston?"
81 don't carlate she did," replied
our hired man. mot with anythin'
that she threw at him.
81 don't see nothin' to grin about,
said my Aunt Hetty severely. Il
think She ought to be ashamed of her
self I don't hold with such carryin's
on. Standin' an hollerin' at him SOS
folks could hear her!"
you could have heard her mile"
said our hired man.
"All can say is I wonder at her"
said my Aunt Hetty. "She's a real
smart woman, an turrible neat in her
housekeepin', but that don't excuse
her actin that way"
81 guess Eben didn't get no more
than what was nessry,' said my Uncle
Alexander. 81 don't know as 1 blame
her, myself. She's got to do somethin'
with him, an all she's got to do it
with is her own two hands an her
tongue. Eds too plague-taked mean
an shif'less for any use."
There's other ways" said my Aunt
Hetty.
"There's one other way" corrected
my Uncle Alexander. "You take q
woman like her, though, an she amt
got but the one. When a woman is
cross-eyed, an yaller. an slab-sided.
an bony, she's got to do the best she
can.
took heap O. notice Of fe-
males that's got the name Of bein'
,limber-tongued an free with the broom
handle, an there amt nary one that I
can call to mind that would take fust
prize at a beauty show. They're
mostly homelier than sin in a ser.
mon.
"The human man is so constitooted
that he has got to be driven or coaxed,
one O. the two. The human woman Is
SO CONSTRUCTED that she's got to coax
or drive, one o the two. That bein'
the case, If she can't coax, by reason
Of havin' face fitten to stop a clock
an a figger to match, she's got to get
a flow of LANGUAGE"
IT don't see why she can't talk de-
cent, even If she amt no beauty"
said Aunt Hetty.
1.-THE trouble is that she can't get
on her husbands knee and pull his
whiskers," said my Uncle Alexander.
"She can't coozle If woman's
plump, an has got rosy cheeks an
bright eyes she can get anything she
wants out of man by just coozlin'
up to him an talkin' baby talk"
I'D like to know how you found
that out" said my Aunt Hetty, tartly.
81 should think you'd be ashamed to
talk that way before young boy"
81 amt never ashamed to tell the
truth" said my Uncle Alexander. "You
never see a good-lookin' young wom-
an resortin' to hardware and kitchen
supplies to carry her point. She don't
have to. An you don't never see a
lady like Huldah Reddick caressin'
her husbands bald spot an cooin' to
him. If she did he'd have her put in
an insane asylum, an she knows it.
"It's easier to coax, an it's sight
pleasanter, but it amt everybody that
can do it, even If they wanted to.
That's the reason that feel sorry for
Eds wife an make allowances for her.
That's the reason that whenever 1
hear a right good lookin' woman sayin'
that she can't understand why any
body should take flatiron to her man,
or call him out of his proper name at
the top of her voice. feel as If she
needed enlightenin'.
Its easy for folks to set back an
find fault with their neighbors, but If
you wasn't the good-lookin' woman
that you are, Het, an you had a
trifiin', no-account, mean cuss like
Eben Reddick for husband, Std of a