River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1908-04-16

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Hackensack; which is your loss rattle!
than his, for, while there are prob
ably very many people who are much
like you, there is but one Hicks.
From the time when ideas first be
gan to cOagulate in the cavity that ma
ture had intended for his brain (but
which she had grown to abhor), he
was always mounted on some ridic
ulous hobby or other and he could
change 'em like q pony express rider
He'd rave over Opponents and
affairs Of honor Then he decided
that at last his chance had come and
he bought him a long, low, rakish
looking car with a French name tina!
he couldn't pronounce to save his life
There came with the car a small, bull
iet-headei mecanicien named Anatole
Anatole taught Hicks for about six
months and then Hicks thought that
he could run the car himself. He
tried.
When he and Anatole got out of the
hospital he tried again, slower. And
after awhile he became really expert
lie could run over more dogs and
chickens than anyone l ever saw and
he averaged three arrests week dur
ing all of last summer.
In spite of his many shortcomings,
Hicks was not unpopular. So, when q
crowd of us went down to the Lis
penards' North Shore place for the
first fortnight in September, we were
not surprised to find Hicks there with
his car and Anatole.
We had been there but a few days
when there arrived a niece of Mrs.
Lispenard Her name was Hortense
Stuyyesant-Westa and she was certain
ly good to look upon.
AS for Hicks, the moment he got
his spcctacles on her, it was all up
with him.
He was so pitiful that we all felt
sorry for him and began to try to
cheer him up, and get him interested,
even il we had to ring in the anachron-
istic actions and adventures of Fritz
of Fahrenheit to do it,
Still, we didn't devote any too much
OF our time to Hicks, for the rest of
us weren't much better off.
no man was willing to be away
from her any more than he could pos
sibly help, and the consequence was
that she was always surrounded three
deep by circle of adoring SWANS de.
voted to the point of manslaughter.
And then, suddenly, Hicks bright
ened up most amazingly and became
his old, jaunty, debonair, devilish self
again.
A few days later when Hortense's
father was looking for her she could
not be located. Then it was dis
covered Hicks was also missing.
An inquiry was instituted and at
length one Of the grooms was found
who said that only a few moments be-
fore he had seen HOrtense and Hicks
buzzing along the back road to the
crossing in Hicks unprOnounceable
racer: and almost at the same time,
old Miss Baxter came in and an.
nounced that Hicks had told her that
there would be an elopement at no
distant date and Opined that this
was it.
We all gasped. Then we all looked
at each other in speechless amaze
ment Then, as soon as we could get
enough wind with which to do it, we
all gasped again.
So this was the answer! So this
was what accounted for the change in
Hicks! So this was why he had
assembled from the cellar of despon-
dency to the roof garden of joy! So
this But Hortense! How could she
have done it! How could she have
chosen Hicks when she had Monty
Fiske and myself and all the others to
select from! How could she have
nailed the BOBBY prize when she might
have taken any of the others! How,
or, how !.
But Hortense'e father at last
awakened from the condition of coma
tose bewilderment that enveloped us
ALL He hoped up right into the air,
and when he lit he ordered everyone
W w OOL1ClnlbSJ anu I1Cu uOl 10 10
it; and then to do it or not, Just as
he wanted them to do or didn't want
them to do. He demanded that we
all start in pursuit and ordered out
all kinds of vehicles from balloons to
submarines.
Somebody said that there was a
minister at the Crossing and that they
had probably gone there. So Anatole
was dragged away from the door of
the wine cellar and told to bring out
the Daim-Vite car and get us over to
the Crossing Immediately, and as
much sooner as possible. Stuyvesant-
West was by this time in a state of
incipient apoplexy, and the rest were
busy trying to- keep him from getting
in all over; so Monty Fiske and l,
being deemed the least valuable to
the world at large. hence the best
qualified to ride with Anatole, were
the only ones to go. which we were
glad to do for the double purpose OF
being in at the finish and of gaining an
opportunity to tell each other what
we thought of things.
We broke speed ordinances that
night so that you couldn't have found
a segment with a fine tooth comb t;
and it couldn't have been more than
eight minutes before we sighted the
minister's abode, which we at once
recognized because we saw the head.
light of Hicks car in the street in
front of the gate.