davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09
THE BIG STICK.

I'm the Stick. ha' hal
With lick. Ia! Ia
Which Is ever in reach and ready.
To knock right down
Or crack the CruWn
OF those wro cross Strenuous Teddy.
With one sweeping bif
] lay EN- stiff.
Who TO talk back viii endeayor,
II they get up sore.
And thy IL more
Then | put them to sleep forever.
It's the same TO me
Who the victim be.
MoliycOddle or something dire,
An admiral fine
OF the Navy line.
Or plain civilian liar.
So beware, ye chumps.
Of nv Whaeks and thUnps.
For my Rough Rider aim is steady.
Get out Of the way.
While yet you may.
OF me and the Strenuous Teddy.
Baltimore American.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09
RIaIto Sarcasm.

AT liberty. old man
yes. Froh-"
II know FrohInap wants you and Bel
ssco has made himself I'D trying TO lure
you into his fold. So / ask you, my
friend, is your attitude toward these
eminent managers kind
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09
Husbands without Occupation.

From the Minneapolis Journal
The American woman has been accus-
toned to a father and brothers and
brothers-in-Iaw with regular business to
attend upon. The spectacle Of bust
nessIess husband becomes irritating to
her. It is the fault of America that X
has not yet developed a class Of marry
ing men who are without employment
and without an idea of the need Of en-
ployment The Office is the safety valve
of the American domestic establishment
If earls and dukes, counts and princes
could only he induced 20 take desk room
lin the city" there might be a better
chance for happy marriages between
titled foreigners and American heiTesses.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

From the Kansas City Star
The Missouri railroads continue, appar
entity. to cherish the hope that the
passenger traffic may decrease sufficiently
so that the 2-cent fare will he unprOfit-
able
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

additions 10 its authority over the rail-
roads While much OF this projected leg
islation may be desirable, there Is some
feeling that it would be wise to give the
present law thorough try-out before pro-
ceeding further. Mr.. Roosevelt thought
Sc year ago, and there are indications
that he stiIl regards great deal Of bis
railroad programme as belonging to the
ultimate rather than the immediate cate
CORY of things that must be done.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09
Nnreities of the Year

F-om the Omaha Bee
Among the novelties scheduled for 1908
are FIVE Saturdays in February, two new
moons in April. and a speech by Col.
Bryan in July.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09
Another paramount"

From the birmingham Age-Hcrald.
Gov. Johnson. of Minnesota. thinks the
tariff will outrank all other questions in
1908: but # it overshadows this question.
who permitted the panic to occur?'
il will have to get up early and stay up
late
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

From the Richmond Times-Dispatch
Where Gov. Johnson Stands" is an
editorial caption in The Washington
Herald The spot indicated appears to be
the spirit toes of the late Mr. Dingley.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09
Childish business.

From the Baltimore sun.
The really childish" thing about the
Admiral Brownson incident was Roose-
velt's peevish note accepting the fine old
seadog's resignation
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

The optimism of the esteemed but oft
misguided Houston Post IS refreshing,
anyhow. Already II has beautifully pie
tured Mr.. Roosevelt and MIR. Bryan riding
down Pennsylvania avenue or March A.
1909. on their way to the latter's inaugu-
ration
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09
smiled Her

"she was inclined to be eXtravagant,
but her husband checked her
How did she like that?'
Fine"
That's funny.
oh no; the checks were all good at
the bank.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09
Several Chapters.

What is the longest word in the Ian
guaRe2"
Good night 7 guess. IT takes lovers
about two hours and q half to say it,
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
THE CAVsE.

THE AT ST.
Kerchooi Kerchee.
His red eyes drip.
But silent be-
1t is the grip.
His nose Is red.
KeFchug KeTch0o!
He feels half dead
And so would you
IN such a plight.
A w0eful ease.
His skin Is tight
And flushed his face.
Kerchool Kerchee,
just hear him rip.
But silent be
IL Is the grip.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

Nevada can quickly secure a national
guard If she viii make all the soldiers
colonels says the Baltimore sun Don't
know about that; a colonel necessarily
means "A regiment and it Is doubtful that
there are enough people in Nevada To
make Il regiment.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

If the President himself were a doctor,
there is no doubt as 10 the school he
would affect The medicine" he hands
out to people who disagree with him is
distinctly of the aIlopathic persuasion as
pracuced about fifty years ago.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

There are a number Of people, neverthe-
less. who think that even certificates Of
membership i'm the Ananias Club or the
Society Of Undesirable Citizens might be
80 wOrded as not 10 suggest the proba-
bili;y OF asbestos paper being necessary
% carry the next one.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

From the New York Press.
The prophets who saw war as a result
of the cruise OF the Pacific feet were
right. after ALL 1t broke out right in the
heart Of the Navy Department
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

Undesirable tenants who are now oc-
cupying homes in our city" begins an
official proclamation of the mayor of
Gloucester, Mass. So much for heaven
born fashion.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

Why should it worry some Of our con
temporaries if Mr.. Bryan does make
S5GOOO "a year on his lectures? 1t takes
an uncommonly smart man TO DO that.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

The Mikado Of Japan keeps thirty
cooks says a news item. And yet there
are people in this country who want to
fight so great a Diplomat and strategIst.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

Senator Davis is said to be about ready
TO deliver another speech The chances
are this Is Incorrect: more than likely II
viii be the same old speech in a little
different garb.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09
GettIng smaller.

Across the pond, they used to say.
But steamers cut il down "A day,
And ere our brains begin to fuddle
Wen hear EN- say. Across the puddle.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

Mr.. Caleb Powers doubtless will be
finally acquitted and he can reasonably
claim afterward that he was the most
gradually acquitted man ever tried in this
country.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09
CAPITOL GOSSIP.

Congressman William Bourke Cochran,
the Democratic orator from New York
is native of ireland. and received his
education in France. AT the age of seven
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09
In 2DO7.

These thin sheets OF Petrihed matter,
professor"
Evidences OF the post card age, my
boy"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

A Virginia contemporary refers TO one
Thomas W. Watson as a wind hag. A"
For the life Of us, we cannot determine
whether this is meant for a slap at
Massachusetts or Georgia
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

We respectfully call the attention of
he esteemed Charlotte Observer 10 the
act that yesterday was JacksOn-of-
South-Caroiina Day.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

A famous doctor believes the vital or
gans of "A cat may be transferred i'm Ger
tain cases 20 a living human being.
cat should be able 10 dispense with its
vital organs FIVE or six times without
serious physical embarra ssment
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

DO you know how 90 cure cold "
III did" inquired the sarcastic citi-
zen. would I be offering free advice on
the street. or would ! be- occupying hand
some offices and catering TO "a waiting list
a mile long?"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09
The Quick Route.

"Men become great through this agency
and that agency"
say On
Press agency is as good a way as
any.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09
Wall Street shakespeare.

who would fardels bear sighed
romantic Hamlet Fatt
ION bull market" added practical
Yorick Hamm
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

The country doesn't appear able to get
is eyes of the President long enoug d
10 consider the eX-Presidenrs fate MI
Cleveland
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

He who Is not man enough TO ac-
knowledge that he is wrong when he
knows that be is, is no man at all. saws
the Anderson IS. c. Mail Come. come.
don't be a moUycoddle.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09
Sometimes,

From the Richmond Journal.
Is 1t a qualification for public Office that
a man is good for nothing else?
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

From the New YoTs Evening Sun.
VIII Mr. George AIDE make politics
ridiculous, or will politics make him 9
solemn ass?
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09
HUMOR AND PHILOSOPHY
From the Nashville American.
WODESTY'S CINCH.

From the Nashville American.
WODESTI'S CINGB.
Modesty wins in the battle Of life
once ia a while.
Modesty captures the handsomest wife
once ln a while
But in the mix-up and everyday crush
Modesty isn't ace high In the rush.
Gall
Takes II al
Or al least makes the haul
Twic. in a while.
Modesty back on its dignity sits.
Sweet i'm its guile.
At the suggestion Of discord il quits
That is It's style.
Gail goes ahead FOR the prize. il is said.
III where no angel would venture 10 tread.
And
In its hand
The desTables land
Twice in a while.
Modesty wants what is coming 20 it
Marked ON the score.
And, though its portion is shortened bit,
IL doesn't roar
Takes and is thankful for what it can get
Gall doesn't act IN that way, you can bet
No;
II Will throw
Forty fits i'm a row
HowliuE for more
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

This House is the only Institution
under our Constitution where the will
Of the people may toe expressed with "a
fairness approximating scientific accu-
racy." said the Speaker upon the day Of
his election with Uncle joe determin-
ing just exactly what it is the dear peo-
pie really want
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

Worrying about the homecoming Of the
fleet is nightly like borrowing trouble: Il
hasn't rounded the Horn yet Sufficient
unto the day is the evil thereof.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

Gov. Hughes has declined 229 invitations
10 speak in the last three months. What
ever else may be said of the Hughes
boom. il is not to be inflated with hot
air, evidently.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

"One hundred million dollars represents,
approximately, the charity of the United
States last year. We merely mention it,
thinking it may reconcile you somewhat
to the increased cost Of living.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

Nevertheless. Prince Helie's revenge
was unique He has sued Count Boni for
one franc damages.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09
Beyond American comprehension.

From the Detroit News.
OF course, it is not 10 be expected that
mere plebeian Americans can understand
that delicate code of honor which per
nitted Count Boni de Castellane TO spit
in his princely cousins face.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

There are no red-headed old maids. 3"
says a well-known actor This won't do:
the mere mention Of the term old maid
viii make any Of them red-headed.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

Six Georgia colonies created a drought
on board coastWise steamer from Savan-
nah TO New York before il had been
twenty-four hours at sea. Here was
literally case of water, water every
where, and not a drop to drink
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

4 Michigan judge attempts 20 tell what
sausage isn't That is easier than telling
what IL is
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

Vesuvius is rumbliug again The old
volcano should not attempt any funny
stunts just now. the competition would
be fierce.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

Editor Harden gets four months in Jail:
which is excellent proof that he told
mighty near the truth. if he did miss it
in a few details.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

F. Prohibition is at the bat IN the
South says the Atlanta News accord
ing to the Omaha Bee Which proves that
il isnt I'm Omaha. ANYHOW.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

/ furniture and never hitting it, looks awful
natural to me-
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

Uncle Sans" war with Japan is play
ing this weeks stand i'm La Belle France.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09
Masculine ATodestr

No doubt, however, DR.. Long is glad
somebody else is in the limelight.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

Doctor may I go out 10 ight?' Yes.
my jack tar scrappy, use calomel powder
and lver-piH shot-if you'd make me per
fectly happy"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

Not word, SAYS Admiral Brownson.
elOQuently.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09
Al the PIny.

Talk about realism" exclaimed Mr..
Housekeep.
"NNell?"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

democrats Divided reads a New
York newspaper headline. Those two
words certainly are great chums.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-09

Absence Is g0od for this: that it has shown
Hrg I'D my life Is banded by thv own
The clouds are dark upon me, and the night
Falls sad and gloomy lacking thee-mg light
Bat part e me Is here, and that ac-rst.
Thou hast my best th0Eghts-I lie here with n
worst.
II thou wilt not come back needs must fsH:
Needing thy guidance sony sorl, ms al
Omaha daily bee., 1908-06-29
row again to drop Zach potato into a basket

row again to drop each potato into a basket.
The summary OF the meet is as follows:
1OO-Eard Dash-Emerson. of the band,
first; Private Racicott, Troop X, second;
Erivate Shaffer, Troop c., third. Time: OIL.
Shotput-Corporal Mausser, Troop {,
fl st; Private Lehmeyer, Troop h, second;
Private Say, Troop A, third. Distance: Al
feet.
44O-Yard Dash-Private Racicott, Troop K,
first; Emerson, of the band, second; Pri-
Nate Shaffer, Troop C., third. Time: O:55k
Running Broad Jump-Private Racicott,
Troop X, first; Corporal Mausser, Troop
{, second; Private Gray, Troop d, third.
Distance: II feet, s inches.
Potato ace-Priv Taught, Troop F,
first; Sergeant PIERCE, Troop A, second;
Corporal Devanon, Troop c., third.
Tent Pegging Contest-Sergeant Walter,
Troop A, first; Private Mcguire, Troop
ID, second; Sergeant Ryan, Troop d. third.
Saber Co~ntest-Privat Gesno, Troop g,
first; Corporal Quantz, Troop D, second.
Down to Twelve Feet.
The Des Moines river is down to twelve
feet and continuing to go down steadily.
Boone reports a fall of four feet in the
last twenty-four hours. The river here is
below the danger point again and house
holders will soon be able to return to their
homes,
Omaha daily bee., 1908-06-29

CREsTON-Work has begun on the new
auditorium at Mckinley park, where the
chautauqua sessions are to be held.
AMES-Curfew must ring in Ames, say
the city fathers. An old ordinance which
has laid forgotten for years was dug up at
a recent meeting.
ATLANTIC-The committee of business
men appointed to solicit funds to purchase
a display of fireworks for the Fourth of
July celebration to be held here was very
successful.
ATLANTIC-Chris S%orensen, a young
fellow who has been living in Audubon,
was arrested one day this week by Deputy
Sheriff Kerwin of Audubon county charged
with forging a check for fifty dollars.
When he was arrested Sorensen pleaded
guilty to the crime and gave himself mp
at once.
ATLANTIC-Last night Miss Corrie r.
Osborne, daughter of c. r. Osborne and
wife, was married to Delmar o. Herbert.
son of Mr.. and Mrs. Franklin Herbert of
this place. The ceremony was performed
by the Rev. Arthur Henderson of the Con-
gregational church, at the home of the
brides parents.
IOWA FALLS-Rev. John Garrettson,
who has been pastor of the Congrega-
tional church at Popejoy and who resigned
several weeks ago to take effect August
!, has Just accepted a call to the church
at Clarks, Nebraska. In his new work
Mr.. Garrettson receives a salary of 81 100
Omaha daily bee., 1908-06-29
TIRE sCAREs GUESTS IN HOTEL
Sick Woman II Overcome by Smoke
md Her Condition is SerIOuH.

Sick Woman II Overcome by Smoke
and Her Condition is Serious.
SIOUX CITY, Ia, June ES.-CSpecial Tele-
gram. lin a fire which threatened the de-
struction Of the oxford hotel at 8 o'clock
this morn ng, several Of the guests narrowly
escaped death. Throwing a lighted match
into a closet containing a gas meter was
the cause of the blaze. Almost instantly
there was an explosion and for a few
minute it appeared that many Of the fifty
five guests would have trouble in reach
ing the street. Miss Agnes Holm, who had
been dismissed from a hospital Friday night
and was still weak, was rescued from the
second story window after having been
overcome by the smoke. Her condition is
serious, The explosion was due to the es-
caping gas.
WEBSTER CITY, Ia. jun 2S.-(Special
Telegram. J-HSlf the business district of
Woodstock was wiped out this afternoon in
a 5000 C~onflagration. Seven frame business
buildings and three barns were totally de-
stroyed. A heavy wind famed the flames
and for a time the whole town seemed
doomed. The blaze caught in the rear of
the Carpenter meat market. where some
lard was being rendered. The insurance will
not run over 5000.
Omaha daily bee., 1908-06-29
&IThe BeerThat Made Milwaukee Famous

from the express company directed to Ella
Williamson, notifying her of the package
held for her, and that she destroyed the
letter and dispatched her son to the eX-
press office for the package, which was
received and signed the uan> "Nurn Will
Hams" The young man was arrested
and brought here for a hearing. AS the
trial proceeded, It was thought the mother
might be more responsible for the affair
than the son, and she was sent for. The
merchandise secured consisted of a costly
coat, hat and fur boa. Mrs. Williams
says neither she nor her son can read
or write much, and her plea is founded
on this ground.
Omaha daily bee., 1908-06-29
Marriage
East WEEK IN BLUFFS SOCIETY
Marriages Past and Present OccuDy
Most of Attention.

Miss Mary L. FINLEY is visiting rela-
tives in Iowa City.
S. Tyndale left Thursday for Salt Lake
City to visit relatives.
Mrs. Richard circuit and son are visit
Ing relatives in Kansas City.
Mrs. H. H.. Gavin left Thursday on a
short visit to friends in Chicago.
Mr.. and Mrs. A. j. Faul and daughter
are sojourning at Colfax Springs,
Mrs. Painter Kno and little daughter
are sojourning at Colfax Springs.
Miss Mary Mcmillan left Yesterday for
a visit with friends in Cleveland.
Miss Ella CARMEL left Thursday to visit
relatives and friends in Slater, Mo.
Miss Marie Honack left Monday for a
two weeks visit at Fremont, Neb.
Miss Laura Helsell of Sioux Rapids. Ia,
is the guest of Miss Ruth Spindler.
Mrs. b. c. Towner and son. Austin,
are visiting friends in Lincoln, Neb.
Mr.. and Mrs. f. w. Hevey are enjoying
a trip through the Colorado mountains.
Mrs, r. G, Jarvis and daughter, Leah,
are sojourning at Excelsior Springs, Mo.
Mr.. and Mrs. r.. n. Prior left yester-
day for Pueblo and other Colorado points.
Miss Lena Newton is home from a three
weeks visit with her friends in Salt Lake
City.
Mrs. l.. w. Prouty and sister. Miss Ray.
mond' are visiting relatives in Alliance
Mr.. and Mrs. Walton L. Smith arrived
home yesterday from a tour of the great
lakes.
Mrs. w. f Carson Of South First stree.
has as her guest Mrs. Harry Warren Of
Harrison. Mo.
Miss Irene Edens OF Battle Creek. Neb.
is the guest OF Mr.. and Mrs. c. G. Dinkel
$3.50 Avenue b.
Mr.. and Mrs. w. r. Briese, 1913 Graham
avenue are home from a two weeks so,
Journ at Spirit Lake.
Mr.. and Mrs. John Ward of Iowa avenue
left Thursday for a two weeks visit witt
relatives in Quincy, III.
Mr., and Mrs. NJ. A. Livingston OF ParE
avenue left last evening for a three weeks
trip TO Wisconsin points.
Mrs, NJ. A. Hills OF Des Molnes is visit
ing her parents, Mr., and Mrs. A. j
Brown, $50 Sixth avenue.
Rev. X. r, Snyder of Pacific Grove
Cal. Is the guest OF his brother, Judge
s. B. Snyder and family.
Miss Martha Wernimont is home from
visit with relatives and friends at Ceda'
Rapids and Monticello. Ia
Mrs. Harry =. Baldwin is home from
turn in about three weeks.
Miss Hannah Christensen OF Harlan, la.
was the guest last week OF Miss Mamie
Smith, Ht Nineteenth avenue.
Mr.. Alfred Date left Tuesday to visi
friends az Seattle and Spokane, Wash, Hi
will visit at Denver entoute.
Mrs. L. NJ. Wilcox and daughter, Corl
OF Sioux City are guests Of Mrs. II. A
Harrington OF Sixth avenue.
Mr.. and Mrs. George T. Williamson O
Oakland avenue left yesterday for
sojourn at Lake Osaki, MINI
Mrs. LeWm Crockett and daughter o
South McAllister. Okl., are guests OF Mrs
w. A. Matheson, 307 Avenue A
Mr.. and Mrs. c. T. NsWland OF Chicag,
! arrived yesterday on q visit 70 Mrs. New
Omaha daily bee., 1908-06-29

a year, the use of q parsonage and three
weeks annual vacation.
IOWA FALLS-rhc developments of the
past few days indicate the Iowa National
Guard is to have a new 10000 armory
to quarter the Company II at Baskerville.
The armory Is to be built by III. G. Coon or
that city who is given a bonus OF 5000
by the citizens Of the place.
IOWA S. Bourne, a. we'll
known Iowa railroad man, has Just been
honored by appointment as superintendent
of the Mexican Central railroad. MI.
Bourne was formerly with the Chicago
& Great Western and for a time was
trainmaster at Clarion. In leaving the
Great Western II was to accept the posi-
ton of superintendent Of terminals for the
Mexican Central with headquarters at FL
Paso. A few weeks after assuming the
duties of this position, he was promoted
and given charge of a division OF the road,
five hundred miles long, running south
from Eel Paso.
Omaha daily bee., 1908-06-29
Deck saloon EnJoincd.

Judge Wheeler In the district court yes
terday issued a temporary injunction on
the application of County Attorney Hess,
restraining w. II. Beck, proprietor of a
saloon outside the enclosure at Lake Man
ava, from selling Intoxicating liquor. The
temporary injunction will remain in force
until the trial OF the case upon its merits
at which time the county attorney will ask
for a permanent injunction. Testimony was
introduced to show that Beck had sold
liquor on Sunday. Beck did not appear
in court,
Omaha daily bee., 1908-06-29
sunday school commencement.

TIE { rt commencement service ever held
for 4 sun-ay school in the Episcopal do
cese of tDwa Will take place at ST, Paul s
church LeNt Sunday afternoon, when five
young women will be graduated from the
school.
The presentation OF diplomas to the grad
yates VIII he preceded by n song and Rev.
Homer Morth.ngton starr, rector Of Christ
church. Winnclka, H., formerly pastor of
81. Pauls, viii preach. Rev. Mr.. Starr
first organized the Sunday school Of st.
Paul's On a graded basis.
The memters OF the graduating class are
Georgia Earlsne Bond, Florence May Can
ming, Gertrude Frances Hooker, Theresa
M kinzel and Henrietta Naomi Sauer. The
teacher Of the class is n A. Crawford, jr.
Omaha daily bee., 1908-06-29
Mana nnrned AM Fir..

Fire which did considerable damage to
the cottage residence OF John Nash at s6Ol
Avenue A. yesterday morning, destroyed
$3.50 IN bills which Mrs. Nash had wrapped
IN q handkerchief and placed in what she
supposed was a secure hiding place among
the ~rafters. The bills burned to a crisp.
TIT fire. which Is believed TO have been
caused by a defective flue, started in the
corner OF the kitchen. The flames made
considerable Roadway by the time the fire
department was able to reach the scene,
but once on the ground the firemen soon
had the blaze under control. The roof and
the kitchen were badly burned. the damage
being estimated at between $500 and $3.50.
which is covered by insurance.