davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Francisco call., 1908-07-19
81 Man on fhe GrOund-f dare ye TO come down.
~ Man in the Baii0on-i dare you to come up.


Mrs. Taft He is a candidate for the
presidency was the reporters next
question. Il believe So" said --rs. Taft
do you think he will make good
PRESIDENT"
He ought to, l think" promptly re-
piled Mrs. Taft; "hc is an excellent
husband" Is that sos' intercstedly
queried the reporter May / ask how
you known Certainly" said Mrs Taft.
Il am his wife The reporter fai,cd
to see the joke and the interview ap-
peared verbatim.
Some one asked Mr.. Taft upon his re-
turn from a recent speaking tour In
the west IL the trip did not fatigue
him. He replied: Somewhat. per-
haps, but not the way farmer friend
Of mine once complained he was
fatigued lie had another farmer
brought before a Justice of the peace
on a charge of assault and battery. ana
was asked to give his version of the
affair. Well. began the farmer. 4
went up to Bill's place TO talk over
little business and got to argui< \ He
accused me of saying something AIT
/ hadn't said and l called him a liar.
Then he up and knocked me down, and
before l could get up on my feet he
dragged me over the place Were you
The San Francisco call., 1908-07-19


happened to him soon after he had put
out his shingle. His office had pre-
viousiy been occupied by cobbler One
day when he was busy getting up a
case an Irishman came in looking for
the cobbler
" The cobbler's gomez said the Irish
man. He is said the lawyer shortly.
And what might you be afther selling?
asked the Irishman, regarding the
sparse furnishings and the few books
In the office. 'Bloclheads. replied the
lawyer. Sure. business must be good
retorted the Irishnian, looking hard at
the lawyer; 1 see you're all sold out
but one :"
Mr.. TAFT takes keen delight In re-
calling to Mrs Taft's memory an
incident which occurred last fall.
the morning the Tafts landed in Yoko-
hama. Japan. Several newspaper.ne. :.
Americans, English and Japanese, were
in the party that board the steamship.
One of the Japanese reporters, ignorant
of the identity of Mrs. Taft but recog-
mixing her as member OF the party. in
terviewed her industriously. Finally he
got around TO the subject of Mr.. Tafts
candidacy for the presidency. DO you
know Mr.. Taft wellg" asked the re-
porter. Fairly well, think" replied
The San Francisco call., 1908-07-19


Why. Judge?' For contempt of court,
sir. replied the Judge. Contempt of
court explained the lawyer. Why,
Judge. l didn't know tnat court was In
session right here on this sidewalk
Sir thundered the Judge. this court
is always in session and. therefore. al
ways an object OF contempt. sir. Go
and pay your fine to the clerk imme-
diately.'"
H-ToM MARSHALL, another Ken
] tuckian. got on a rampage one
day in court said Mr.. Taft "and
delivered himself OF some sentiments
that aroused the Ire of the Judge. who
imposed fine OF $40 for contempt.
Marshall protested that he had not a
cent. Borrow It OF friend. curtly re-
turned the Judge.
Well. your honor replied Marshall.
you are about the best friend 1 have.
VIII you lend me the sIog Remit the
fine.' directed the Judge, turning to the
clerk of the court; the state is much
better able to lose $40 than / am =
0N NE OF the old time lawyers of
" the south whom / used TO meet
when l was holding court down
In Tennessee" said Mr.. Taft, would tell
with roars OF laughter an incident that
The San Francisco call., 1908-07-19

- Ew people who use the common
place picked cucumber OF commerce
each day ever give thought TO its
nurabIa origin and adventures en- route
ANY more than does the average west
erner, as he masticates the dried and
sunburned goldfish OF eastern Massachu-
setts culture. capture and shipment
care, much less know. anything about
its pre- hash historic existence. In fact,
the westerner is often curiously ig-
norant OF things marine and subma-
rine.
Scudding before the wind with a bone
in her teeth-drat il. can't.we drop tnat
fishing smack lingo?-scudding tc
school with a pickle in her teeth hur-
ries the high school girl. perfectly re
gardless of it's pedigree, original home
address or previous condition Of servi-
tude. Little does she reck; she is en-
tirely reckless about it, so long as she's
not the pickle
But let US pause and ponder the pesky
pickle as il serenely floats at the top of
the tub down at the corner grocery. It
Is fat and reminds you of "A big, warty
toad that the pixies have transformed
into a vegetable. Ripe. fat and juicy, il
tolls not, neither does IL spin, but, obese
and content. like the newly rich, it
seems to radiate an atmosphere suS-
gesting the thought. Il know I'm com
mon and plebeian, but I'm happy ard
don't care a darn. Anyhow. I'm so
ing to high school just as soon IS ms
chum comes along-"
But HE with me. my brother narrer
Moo Englanders"; let Us hasten to the b.
& A. depot. Once aboard the lugger-
f-af
The San Francisco call., 1908-07-19

Michigan.
They gave us cold chicken for break
fast that morning at the little country
hotel, l remember: and a young lady
school teacher said she would take me
over to see the pickle factory and intro
duce me to the cucumber king If he
was at home.
So she placed her elbow trustingly
in mine and we strolled over 20 the
pickle foundry. Imagine a Ions. long
shed. and you go upstairs at the side
and walk in. Down the center Is a long
board walk, stretching away in the dis
tance, and wide enough TO wheel a
wheelbarrOw down. a 'wheelbarrow full
of cucumbers-and beside the run are
located dozens of huge wooden casks.
big enough to pickle a shark in. AS far
as the eye can reach. If you happen 10 be
near sighted, they stretch. and hold
ing l forget how many hundred bush
els each of the ripe fruit. just as IL is
shaken from the cucumber tree.
The chief keeper of the Pickle pre-
serves shakes your hand as the young
lady apologizingly reminds you that you
are from the east. and the superintend-
ent mods his head knowingly. much as
to say, Il understand. poor tenGe~cOot.
Well. we'll teach him n few thirgs out
here and at once adopts the gracious
manner of one about TO impart ground
moor information. He leads down
the promenade. and you think you are
doing the boardwalk at Atlantic City.
He explains that the farmers each
morning bring in the previous dav's
picking, including the windfalls they
The San Francisco call., 1908-07-19

Ine Iunuy Writer 80 Il SAFE, but he
was All In by this time. Rsllying HIS
feeble strength he wrote. or had writ
ten when they found him:
"Haw."
The influx of prosperity after hard
winter had taken away his desire for 1t.
Money was No Use to him.
They sprinkled some water In his
eyes. and after a time he came to:
then he found he had been having a
fierce nightmare. that's all!
Moral-Sow. the Elephant. especially
the White Elephant like the owl. is a
Bird OF Wisdom. and we should be care
ful not 10 Joke about him
The San Francisco call., 1908-07-19

mutable into the golden Coin OF the
Realm. Returningas soon as he got
second wind. he wrote:
Dear Sir: Thanks for your big
check shall not buy an elephant
after all. as find that my landIady has
an inhexible rule that allows neither
bicycles. automobiles nor go carts to be
kept either in the house or basement
I asked her if I could not keep my ele-
phant in the hallway, and she positively
refused on the ground that he would
be liable TO get loose in the night and
devour all the straw mating. not to
mention a mattress or two-I don't be-
lieve there is trunkful OF hay in any
mattress in the house. Hee haww
The editor smiled at the idea OF keep
ing White Elephant around, counted
up the words and mailed the author an
other check az the ten-cent-per rate. 1t
reached the Scribbler just as he was de-
Gliding 10 take a trip to Ke-o-kuk on
the proceeds Of the first instsllment, and
knocked him almost silly. Recovering
slowly, he cashed in again and wrote:
Dear Sir-Your second check at
hand. Shall not buy the elephant after
all. Am now looking at some airships."
The editor smiled again, instructed
the artist TO illustrate properly by
drawing a map looking out of the win
dow at a passing sky car overhead,
The San Francisco call., 1908-07-19

ished. Then THEY'LL it with water
and let them soak indefinitely until they
get a wireless from Detroit or Menomi-
nee or Kalamazoo. or wherever the
Main Pickle Bottlery Is established.
Then they send on a trainlOad in the
tank cars. such as I would see on the
siding. etc.
Filled with awe and speechless won
der. breathlessly / said. by thunder
and gazed. mouth agape. wide enough
TO surround the largest pickle or them
all.
Musing, the Man espied on top OF
one OF the pickle cisterns a cuke OF
curious construction lusus naturae.
IL were, such as the old dame now
and then delights to produce. Just TO
make the high brows wonder how IL all
happened.
But the Man determined 10 have IL
when the foreman wasn't looking. Just
to take back east IN alcohol TO prove
10 his friends that he really did see it,
So he started TO walk across the TOP OF
the fun pickle tub and get e
There was loud splash. An axoniz-
ing. appealing cry for help echoed
adown the pickle pen, for that par
ticular vat happened to be full OF brine
with only couple Of Bushels Of cucunn-
bcrs or 50 floating round on TOD. and
the accomplished new spaper Representa-
attve from the effete east sank sud
denly beneath the salt, briny wave.
Down at the hotel afterward he dis
robed and hung his clothes over the
back OF a chair to dry. and then ne
noticed that every pocket had a cucum-
ber or two in il.
But what's a couple dozen raw Gu
eumbers amount TO in a neigh borhood
that's got cukes 20 salt down? They
don't command any more respect for a
fellow than a $50 bin would down on
State street, Boston.
The San Francisco call., 1908-07-19

- - = - -
and we can take our
time to Albany.
Maybe we'll have
to. Ten minutes for
refreshments. Climb
on the Buffalo cars.
change again and
there you are at
Niagara falls and
pile out; Ave min-
utes to see the
h o T 5 9 $ h o 2. then
away we speed
through Ontario for
a six hour run.
Aha, Detroit. Dee
lighted! Only city in
the wolverine state
that ever gives the
slightest suggestion
OF being Boston
born. Aboard an
other train, and.
presto. the panO-
rama 1t changes,
and soon you are on
the Pickle plains Of
The San Francisco call., 1908-07-19

Iind on the ground ,
that the cukes are
number ones. num-
Der twos. number
threes. and you re-
mark that the
Pickle Profession
seems to have a
nomenclature OF its
own. He says that
the farmer gets a
check for the days
haul from the pickle
travis, and once a
month these checks
are cashed. or they
are exchanged at
tiie NllidS Se grocery
for tea and toast.
etc. The cucumbers
are now placed in
one of the watts.
he continues. some
rock salt tn .wn m.
more cucumbers.
more saline cry s.
tai. and so on till
the appetite OF the
tuh seams FuI1v COT
The San Francisco call., 1908-07-19

the Speaking IuDe
to the Treasurer TO
draw up a check
right away and
mail II 10 the
author. AS the
story c contain e d
S,ITS words, the
dividend on the
check read SS1T.so.
Hilarious with the
Unexpected Wind
fall, the author put
on his Overshoes
and ran to the bank,
kicking up such a
cloud OF dust and
stuff you could
hardly see him, so
great was his i'm
patience to know
whether the Check
was good and trans
The San Francisco call., 1908-07-19

"a - -
cessful Author an
other Order on the
Bank at the same
Generous Rate. This
time II nearly drove
the pOor-rich scrib-
bier crazy with the
heat: you see. he had
Been Broke so
Long, lie cashed IN
again and wrote:
d e a r S 1 r:
Ha. Hai liza. Ha.
Ha. Ha. Hat Hsl
Ha. Hni Ha. Ha!
Ha, Ha. Ha. Ha"
Upon eceiving
which the editor
mailed him payment
at the rate OF twenty
cents per Ha -ha,
The San Francisco call., 1908-07-19
Big Bill Taft's
FaVOrife Yarns

\ moNG his friends and intimetes VII
~ liam u. Taft is renowned as story
teller. lie enjoys hearing a good
story as much as ne delights to recount
,ne. he is exceedingly prone to illns-
rrate a point in sn argument with an
apecdote. Most Of Tafrs stories are
the result OF personal experience HIS
long service at the bar and on the
bench OF the United States court pro-
vided him with many Of his best
stories. The following examples are
furnished from the memory OF friend
OF Taft who heard them from the lips
OF the republican candidate for the
presidency:
The San Francisco call., 1908-07-19


due him for his judicial position and
mental attainments
so he bristled at the rather infor-
NAL greeting of the lawyer and said
sternly. Young man, / fine you $40?
Completely surprised. the offender said.
The San Francisco call., 1908-07-19

.s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s9
hurt or frightened while this was going
on? demanded the lawyer for the de-
fendant. Well, no, l can't say that I
was frightened much replied the farm
er, but by gosh, was pretty we'll tired
out when he got through"
The San Francisco call., 1908-07-19

HNLD Judge Thompson, who lived in
~ southern Kentucky. was walking
down town one day" said Taft,
when brisk young lawyer said,
shortly. 'Howdy, JudgeT and was about
10 pass on when the Judge halted him.
Judge Thompson was a stickler for the
amount OF Difference he thought was
The San Francisco call., 1908-07-19
Serious Results of
a JOker'S WindfaH

kIOW the Latest Magazine which was
~ getting in The Swim advertised
that il would pay Ten cents a
Word for all the good jokes which 1t
accepted and printed. The Funny
Writer who had been Playing 10 Hard
Luck saw this; but he didn't believe IL.
In a sarcastic moment he wrote up
long article. mentioning that when IL
was printed he was going TO buy him
a White Elephant with a Pagoda on his
back, TO tote him Around Town. as his
automobile made him dizzy anyway.
or course, being a Scribbler, he had
no automobile The Editor thought the
letter was very funny and shouted down
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-31

Living IS awfully high these dave"
1--WE ,s, rs, Ya n1t consider how awfully high We
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-31

@2~<~ee 6Se~Nr
The White House. January 81, 1908
The Topeka state journal., 1908-01-31

Criticism of Judges.
Our opponents have recently been bit
terly criticising the two judges refer
red to in the accompanying communica-
tions from the Standard Oil company
and the Santa Fe railroad for having
imposed heavy fines on these two cor
porations; and yet these same critics
of these two judges exhaust themselves
in denouncing the most respectful and
cautious discussion Of the official ac-
ton of a Judge which results in i'm
munity to wealthy and p-werful wrong
doers, or which renders nugatory a
temperate effort to better the conditions
of life and work among those of our
fellow cOuntrymen whose need Is great
est Most certainly 1t behooves us all
to treat with the utmost respect the
high office of Judge; and our judges.
as a whole, are brave and upright men.
hand with respect for the Judges; and,
as a whole, it is true now as in the past
that the judges stand in character and
service above all other men among
their fellow-servants of the public
There is all the greater need that the
few who fail in this great office, who
fall below this high standard of in
tegrity, of wisdom, Of sympathetic un-
derstanding and of courage, should
have their eyes opened to the needs OF
their countrymen. A judge who on the
bench either truckles to the mob and
shrinks from stern1y repressing violence
and disorder, or bows down before
corporation; who fails to stand up
valiantly for the rights of property on
the one hand, or on the other by mis-
use of the process of injunction or by
his attitude toward all measures for
the betterment of the conditions of
labor, makes the wageworker feel with
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1908-04-22
Rich Feast Of Good THINGS.

If you are a Sunday School worker,
Of course you are planning 10 attend
he Institute TO lie held i'll the Meth
Idist church inHaItford neXtMonday
a richer feast of good things has never
teen offered TO our workers and those
who have ii in charge know how to
serXe ii 20 the queens taste. If you
cannot attend every session, attend
every one you can. If you cannot at
tend a. full session, attend part of
Il session. Come and go as you please
The meeting is entirely Informal BE
sure 10 attend the evening session and
hear about the great awakening in
Sunday School work, not only in our
own STATE, but all over the world. The
International Convention, which is to
be held in Louisville June 1923, will
be explained at this session. You'll
miss much If you misc this. Every
body is invited and every Sunday
School in the State should be rep
resented by a; least a few.
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1908-04-22
Gov. Wilson Should See Il.

The Carlisle Mercury says;
The picture of the Hedges children
published by the Carlisle Advocate an
ether papers, is a splendid witness as
10 the justice of ten cause of the to-
bacco raisers. Mr.. Hedges had been a
worker in the tobacco field for twenty
ysars-and his wife and children work
ed in the field with him-and when
he was killed he did not leave enough
money to buy his children clothes and
SHOES, and the entire outfit of furnl-
;ure in his house would not sell for
fifty dollars. Governor Wilson could
learn something of the condition OF
The people il he would venture out
among them now and then and see II
they "often get more for one crop
than their farm is worth"
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1908-04-22
HERBERT.

April 19-Mr Morton Holbrook, OF
Whitesville, was here to-day.
Mr.. Jim Ford and daughter, Miss
Sallle, went to Whitesville Thursday
shopping.
Miss Mabel Miller returned home
from Fordsville Tuesday after a few
weeks visit with relatives and friends
there.
Mr.. o. T. Burdette's children have
whOOping cough.
Mr.. Carl Floyd wife and little son
Chester, went to Scythia yesterday
to visit relatives until Sunday.
Miss Matte Barnett went to Pell'
vile yesterday, shopping.
Miss Halle Miller went to Whites
willie Tuesday, returning Thursday.
On account of the recent rains the
farmers are very much behind with
their work.
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1908-04-22
HARTFORD, KY, WEDNESDAY, APRIL %, 1908.

GreanRiver privileges 10 Green & Bar
rem River Navigation Co. the works
shut down, owing TO the greed of
The company in forcing them to pay
eXorbi,ant charges on all of their
productions.
General Buell. fought his last battle
in 1898 when he tried TO conquer
death, but the irresistible forces of ma
;u.e were against him and he lost the
most important battle Of his life.
Surrounded by his relatives and a
priest of The Catholic Church, Gen
eral Buell. babe farewell 10 the world
AMI started on the journey from
whence no traveller ever Ie.urrs. As
The beautiful springtime enveloped the
earth in gladness, General Buell. was
laid TO rest in the silent city of the
dead and the career of one of Ken
tuc5y's most noted generals was end
cd. The old home of the Bueils was
only recently destroyed by fire.
L,R.1.
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1908-04-22
Peculiar Fatal Accident.

Cloverpoi1, Ky, April 17.-Christo-
pher DeJarneti, one of the most prom
inent farmers of Breckenridge county,
was burned 10 death in most pecul-
lar manner. He went 10 the barn
yard to shoot hawk, and that was
the last seen of him until his charred
body was discovered by members of
his family lying in The vicinity from
which the sound of The shooting was
heard, Ii is generally supposed that
his clothing became ignited from a
spark from the gun and he was bnfn-
ed to death before he could attract the
attention OF The family. He leaves his
wife, who was Miss Mollie WitheTs,
and three children. ~
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1908-04-22
MATANzAS.

April 2O.-The farmers are greatly
behind with their farm work on ac-
count of so much rain.
Mr. Ross Bennett, of Hartford, was
he guess of his sister, Mrs. l.. E.
Lverly, few days last week.
Mr. U. NJ. Everly and wife of Her-
rim, H., are visiting relatives here
Mr. j. n. Nall and son, Raymond
went 10 Owensboro last Friday.
Rev. l.. w. Tichenor, who has been
confined 10 his room with rheuma-
tism for quite awhile, is able to walk
around some. He filled his regular
appointment at West Point last Sat
uday and Sunday.
Mr. Jno. d. Bell is suffering very
much from a sprained ankle.
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1908-04-22
ChamberIain's Has the Preference.

Mr. Fred C. Hanrahan, a prominent
druggist of Portsmouth, Va, says:
For the past six years l have sold
and recommended Chamberlain's Collie,
Cholera and DiaIrhoea Remedy. 1t
is great remedy and one of the best
patent medicines on the market. l
handle some others for the same pur-
poses that pay ME larger profit, but
this remedy is so sure to effect a
cure, and my customer so certain to
appreciate my recommending it to
him, that l give it the preference.
For sale by z. Wayne Griffin & Bro,
druggists. m
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1908-04-22
BROUGHT TEARS
TO MANY EYES
When He Spoke of Mar
tyred Governor.
A BROTHERS. TOUCHING PLEA
Urging That PardOnS be De-
MED Caleb Powers and
Jim Howard.

When Arthur Goebel, brother of
Kentucky's maryred Governor, fin
ished his plea before Governor Will
son at Frankfort, last Friday, urging
that no pardons be granted Caleb
Powers or Jim Howard, there were
portions of his talk that touched
the spectators 10 tears.
He talked in calm voice and told
why he thought pardons should be
denied to the men accused of COM
plicity in the murder of his brother.
The large crowd listened breathless-
ly to every word he said. He spoke
like a trained criminal lawyer.
Mr.. Goebel closed his appeal to the
Governor with a peroration so elo-
quent and pathetic that it brought
tears to the eyes of many. He said:
II protest against the pardon of
Jim Howard and Caleb Powers. ! re-
fer you to the record in the cases. l
ask you to make an analytical and
comparative study OF the evidence of
every witness who has appeared at
every trial, so that the capability and
the interest of every witness to tell
the truth may be judged.
"The best criterion is not what |
or. they may say, but the evidence
itself The record shows that Pow
ers is as guilty as can be. For eight
long years l have assisted the COM
monwealth in this battle. / have
done nothing that was not strictly in
conformation with the law. l ask you
to let the law take It's course,
There are those, many in'number,
and many have said it to me, who
seem to think even though Powers is
guilty, that he has suffered long
enough and should be pardoned. That
is mercy. If this is to be a question
of mercy, l ask you to listen to the
requiem of the winds which chant
over the grave of William Goebel and
to consider that his life and liberty
were as dear 10 him as theirs is to
| them"
There was silence throughout the
hall for half minute. Mr.. Goebel
turned and walked out.