The Washington herald., 1908-03-01
MARIA'S MIDNIGHT LECTURES
LECTURE NO. 29.

want 10, and then where'd I be? You
don't see any legislatures passing laws
that man shan't eat terrapin stew or
frogs legs, or CammenbeTt cheese-no.
stree, Those things cost money, even II
they don't taste very good, and it's just
cause you can get snakes for most moth
ing that they're passing laws against 'em.
1 reckon it'll get so after awhile that IL
bread gets TO be free that poor people
can't eat it without a Icensei
I'm not OF those. though, Job. who
thinks that the rich people has all the
best OF it in this world Here's Hetty
Green, the richest woman in Newark,
n J., says that she wouldn't know a
diamond II she saw one. l think Il was
foolish OF her 10 tell Il. because now
some OF these people viii be trying 10
sell her false ones. But / can't see that
1t makes much difference. There was
Susan Nifty. lived on the old Jackson
place. her husband went TO town with a
load o hogs. and cause he got half a
cent pound more for 'em than he'd been
expecting he invested in a diamond ring
for Susan. 1t was a beauty. with three
shiny stones in il. and Susan was real
proud Of it for a time. even II it did
make her finger black And then one
day she was wearing IL while she mixed
up a mess O. salutaris biscuit and II
wasn't till supper was half over that
she noticed the stones was gone from
her ring-aH three OF 'em. Seems ike
the soda in the dough had melted 'em
out OF course. they was in the biscuit
someway, and the menfolk haa ct 'em.
Tom Nifty was quite sick that night.
poor fellow. II was a pretty expensive
meal for him.
People are getting so many new
tangled ideas nowadays thar one hardly
knows what 10 DO on the eating ques-
ton I feel like a criminal; one OF
them Spartan mothers. who poisoned
their children Just after I'd baked
some nice mince pies and given some
10 the children. saw in the paper that
mince pies was worse for the human
system than whisky! Amt It awful.
Job, No wonder the children are sleep
ing so hard IN the next room. III bet
they don't get any more pie OF any kind
FOR month
oh. speaking about a month. ala
you notice where Mrs. Glynn's got back
10 England. an she says. I Just love
America'-she' the woman who stayed
here three weeks and wrote a book
about it. It's so popular Z. book that
AIichaels' is giving It away with every
dollars worth of sugar you buy It's
all about love and kissing, they tel me;
a book written by a woman who IS
bound TO fall in love with something
no wonder she loves America
Love is funny thing Just because
it's leap year. I see that out in Iowa
there's a woman went 10 the poor house
and took a paUper out and married him.
] think its a shame Just because n
mans broke is no reason why he should
be punished Ike that 7 suppose the
end OF it'll be that they'll both 20 back
10 the poor house some day. And out in
Indiana. there's a man eighty-three
years old just got married 70 a girl OF
twenty-three. She was the one that
proposed, and said she wanted TO be
an old mans darling" and there's an
that she's Robert C. IngersoIrs affinity.
II she sticks 10 that belief and goes
chasing him around ali eternity. 7 guess
he'll knew whether there is 4 he'll or
not. smart as he was IN preaching
about IL
don't know who II was that made
the calendar. Job: but il was awful nice
Of him u arrange il 50 that most of
the legal holidays would come or. Satur-
day. That saves NE from worrying
about the children ant givin' EN- an
extra bath Isn't it funny how souie
people Just like 10 bathe? I see where
man has been arrested IN Pittsburr
FOR stealing a bath, I don't know what
II was he stole. unless they wanted 10
charge him for the water ! think they
like 10 see people dirty in Pittsburg;
IL looks more natural.
And so Congress is going 20 put the
notices back on the gold coins. Wen.
all can say is. that If It has been re-
moved-and the papers say it has-I've
never missed IL I bet I go through life
and never see one OF those coins with
out motto. And II I ever got hold OF
one, I suppose I'd have to spend il right
away.
How DO you feed. Job: better? That's
good I was reading yesterday about
famous doctor who said that dying was
just a delicious sensation, but 7 reckon
you don't want 20 know anything about
it first-hand. do you? Even if il was
twice as delicious, it's one OF them
things you can only know once, I reck-
on. No. You get strong and well and
hustle back TO work; Tn needing some
new spring clothes awful bad. And. say.
Job. even If you amt much account ct the
Office, you needn't so doing Ike that
crazy man in Alabama, who asked TO
have his salary reduced. Wasn't that a
stupid thing 10 do? Oh! say. I see
where Denmark has declared war on
rats. and that's the country, I thought.
where they was going TO let women
vote Why can't they let the women in
Denmark alone? If woman wants to
wear rat. why shouldn't she, especially
these days. when everybody's wearing
false hair?
Job! Job. Well. IL that man hasn't
turned over and went 10 sleep again. I
wonder if gave him too big a dose OF
that medicine, or whether it's just that
sleeping-sickness Of his. Nv NY It's a
queer world. I suppose I'd better get 70
bed, but it surely does puzzle me what
causes these government employees to be
so sleepy"
Warned I'm Time.