The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1908-02-04
A V|CAR|0aJS EP|CURE
Scheme Of a Man Whose Diges-
tive Organs Were faded.
cAsTRoNoMIc Joy BY PROXY.
He Couldn't Eat Himself, but He
Secured the Markets For Game and
painties Fer Feasts For His Friends
and Watched Them While They Ate.


friend of mine doing curious stunt
He was watching q gang Of negro
street PAYERS eating their MONDAY
meal. He watched them with sort Of
fascinated gaze. The feats they were
accomplishing In the way Of projecting
absolutely impossible things into their
systems seemed weird and almost I'M
canny to my dyspeptic friend. One Of
the negroes particularly seemed to hold
the enraptured focus Of my friends
vision. This negro had for his noon
day feed two gigantic sandwiches,
composed OF thick hunks Of boiled salt
pork stuck between big slabs Of bread.
He gulped these two sandwiches In
about four bites and then licked his
chops in q hungry sort Of way, as II
they'd only about tasted like more to
him, If more were to be had. It was
q spellbinding spectacle in the view Of
my dyspeptic friend 1t looked incred-
1bie, out Of the question. It seemed to
; him such spectacle as might be az
forsied by the sight OF boa constructor
feeding on a full sized and kicking
donkey.
~EnJoy that stunr he asked the big
darby. go
had be enjoyed It! The darky grim
ned and licked his chops suggestively
Gould you eat any more O that
1unkY be asked the big negro.
"The negro invited him TO try him.
dared him, In fact, to find out
Get 4 couple more Of those sand
wiches,' my friend said to the black.
and gave him the money to pay for
them Ct the wagon presided over by
the negro woman In charge Of feeding
the gang.
ssThe black sat down with the other
two huge salt pork sandwiches and
put them away with the same easy and
facile JUNCTION that he had exhibited In
disposing Of the first two. My friend
stood and watched him rs he put 'em
away. Then he shook his head over
ana over again. He Couldn't under
stand it. 1t was beyond reason. His
own diet consisted of little milk with
graham waters, and the idea that any
two legged creature could get away
with. much less like, such terrihc
mess as those four salt pork sand
witches came to-oh, It was the world
upside down, that was all.
Well, this dyspeptic friend Of mine
reminded me Of rather celebrated
character who used to live In Washing
ton many years ago-now long In the
land of the beyond. He was noted
wit and bon vivant. But through ex-
cessiye and kinkish eating and drink
ing : drinking particularly II he had
quite ruined his stomach long before
/ ever met him. He had ruined it so
thoroughly that he could eat nothing
but frozen food-frozen consommes,
frozen fruits, frozen creams, and the
like. In fact, he existed almost wholly
! on ice cream, which was made partic-
ularly for him by chef whom he en-
ployed Cor fixing up his frozen foods.
Hot stun Of any sort was poison to
this man with the lining Of his stom-
ach all gone, and even morsel OF the
sort of natural food we ordinary NOR
tails partAke of would have put him
out Of the game entirely.
$50, with praiseworthy philosophy,
this clever and accomplished man re-
signed himself to the system Of getting
his gastronomic fun by proxy-that il
to say, he'd enjoy watching other folks
eat He'd provide the ways and means
He'd do all Of the buying I've enjoy
ed some rare old feasts myself at that
mans Washington house. / was just
one Of the good eaters, with perfect
stomach, whom he had on his list.
s'He'd find out the stun that or any
Of the others liked the most, and then
he'd have us come to his house to par
take Of that stuff. There'd be terrapin,
perfectly cooked game of all kinds,
richly fixed vegetables, ornate and rich
pastries, extraordinarily fine coffee, de-
lightfully bouqueted wines-everything
imaginable. and a good deal Of the
STUFF, as you may imagine, to the last
i degree indigestible, except for folks
whose internal mechanism was of cast
iron and In perfect working condition
"And so, with such spread all set
AuQ III QEV(CSS VI OCAA6 SCI tAJ s-A<S
wit, all In himself, from the CASTRO
nomic point OF view, would lean back
and inst watch us fellows, friends Of
his, eat and enjoy ourselves. He'd be
takiug little mouthfuls Of his frozen
stuff-a bit of frozen asparagus or
frozen consomme, or the hke-whiie
we went on with the feast, and there'd
be a wistful CLEAN in his eyes as he
watched us putting away the ducks
and the terrapin and the choice wines
he wasn't allowed a mouthful Of
wine even, should have said. Then
when It was all over there were huge
cigars ready for us-he wasn't permit
ted to smoke anything whatever-and
then we'd just lie back and blow the
heavy, odoriferous rings Of smoke into
his face and enjoy life up to the end
OF the handle.
aNcw, we used to wonder If this
man wasn't infiicting needless torture
upon himself, but it really seemed as
II he was not We used to ask him
about that, in fact, and he invariably
replied that. next to eating the fine
truck himself, he enjoyed seeing peo-
pie capable of approaching 1t and
enjoying eating the stuff always
thought, though. that his curious sys-
tenn must have involved an immense
amount of self control and character.
Not only did he like to watch peo-
pie with fine stomachs eat difficult
things, but he was forever buying
choice articles of food for them to eat
out of his presence He had sort Of
mania for buying fancy foods and the
most expensive in the market too.
Whenever I'd see an oyster wagon
backing up In front of my house with
q big barrel of choice oysters in the
tail of the cart for me knew that my
I'D friend was in Washington for the
winter. That's the way he'd announce
himself Or he'd send up to the house
some queer rich cheese, very fancy
jelly that had caught his eye or a
brace of redheaded or canvasback duck
or an assortment Of cartridges or an
invoice of reedbirds- some
thing high class and tasty and usually
something that belonged in the domain
of epicuredom- His idea was that this
stun was meant to be eaten by people
Of sufficient knowledge to appreciate
such articles. and If he couldn't eat
that sort of stuff himself, why, he
wasn't going to be debarred the pleas
ure OF providing it for others not SO
we'll abio to afford II as he.
"a quaint man and generous one.
and those of us who had the honor Of
his friendship learned lot from the
sort OF restraint that he practiced