davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1908-04-22

Indignant patient and averted scene.
irish Horses and Athletes.
The history Of horses. especially Of
thoroughbred. goes to prove that parts
Of Ireland aud Australia are the very
best cradles for horse breeding In
either Europe or elsewhere. with Eng.
land a. the second best. perhaps the
equal. The suggestion has been thrown
out that the secret lies IN lime sub.
coll. The reason for the supp0sitiou
d Q little obscure. The present writer
has found that partridges bred on such
coil are heavier aud stronger and, Il
seems. hy faster than others. but this
10 hardly an analogy that can be Up.
piled to the horse. There are other
curious analogies, II has long been
noticed that the best high Jumpers
among human athletes. even when the
scene Of their feats II America. are OF
IS(sh descent II II not less certain
that the best Jumpers among horses,
especially q large percentage at Con
tiusntal concOurs. derive their origin
frUm Ireland. with Australia and Eng.
land a. occasional rivals. From the
statistics smsrgss strong prssumptivs
evidence that the climate even more
than the brssdins skill tends u
strengthen the stratn.-Londou Out
ieek.
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1908-04-22

Madam" replied the doctor, "peosee
are old fashioned thinss."-Exchanes.
The csddis's Atvies.
Caddls to golfer. who has bssn MT.
Ing the turf al the way round the
courss)-You bs . stranger to these
parts, I suppose. Ooifsr-well. not q.
sctiy q stranger. was born hers.
and all my folks arc buried hsrsaboue
Caddis (as the golfer lifts another
piece Of turf with bis drivss)-l dooe
yourl no sst deep enough with your
driver. You'd better TAX your Iron
Dundee Advertiser.
ANTIQUE Cut oisss.
Antique cut glass requires special
handliny n the brtlliancy Of the glass
4 70 bs retained. and the ordinary -.
rlotiicsl wash In hot soapsuds-which
IL usually msted out to the contents OF
the china aud glass cupboard-is not
sufacieut. Only tspid water should b
used TO clean the articles. Q lathsr b..
ine made on q sti6 brush with good
soep, and this should b. worked Into
he design 10 a. to clear the intsrstices
OF dust, the glass being then immedi'
stsiy snvslopsd In sawdust. absorbins
sll the damp. Finally . cloth should
b used to give polish.
Pretty otlNsy.
"About the stipsiest man have svss
sssu," ssid Z local 0culist the other
dsy twas an old fellow who came N
here not long ago to b fitted win
siauvss In examining hb eyes found
that hs could scarcely ~ with one OF
them, aud yet the trouble was one that
could bs rsmsdisd BY . slight opera
ton. ! asked him about having the
ere attended 70. but b said; NO. !!
gusas III Just let Il 20. and then IN
only have one Of 'sm to fool with WIEN
get glasses. I can just save the cost
q that extra lens each tims'"-ln'
lzanapolis News.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-01-01
No Cause For COMPLAINT.

\ young artist in Washington gen
orally makes up for his lack Of tech
nique by spreading color recklessly and
counting on distance for the effect. At
an amateur exhibition he once hung
n of his most extraordinary per
formances.
"Well," said a friend whom the artist
had taken to see the work, 81 don't
want to tiatter you, old chap, but that
is far and away the best stuff you have
ever done. I congratulate you"
The artist was receiving the com
pliment with becoming modesty when
lie Glanced again to glance at the pic
ture. The committee had hung it up
side down! Hurrying to the head of
the committee, he was about to launch
into a loud complaint when he was in
formed Of the good news that an hour
before the picture had been sold for
SCI. The original price mark had been
S19.-Lippincott's.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-01-01
NEW G STORIES
A Tense Situation Relieved.

Uncle Joe Cannon his cut his daily
smoking allowance frol.i twenty cigars
down It one. and he mas found his
health much improved i'll consequence.
'Tobacco had me i'll its grip" he
said one day in Plattsburg. Now I
have ESCAPED out of its clutches ! fee!
relieved. glad. free. In that way l re-
mind myself of the lrishman who
wanted to go on the stage.
This lrishman had longed to be IN
actor all his life. One night in a sa-
loon he gave vent to his theatrical as
pirations eloquently. A we'll dressed
chap eyed him with approval and then
took him aside and offered him a job
in his own show. OF course the offer
without any haggling was accepted.
But the actor when he turned up
early the next morning was much dis
appointed with the nature of his job.
He found that he was not to play In a
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-01-01
The Parable Of the Innocent Pup.

During the excitement in congress
after the Maine was blown up in Ha-
vana harbor Representative McCleAry
Of Minnesota made a speech in which
he said that the sending of the Maine
to Cuban waters at that time was prac-
tically an act Of war and that some
such catastrophe might have been ex-
pected.
The speech was not popular. Nc
Cleary was criticised everywhere.
Speaker Reed, who was in the chair
at the time the speech was made.
spoke to Representative Tawney, also
Of Minnesota, about it next day.
jim" said Reed. whats the matter
with McCleary:"
Nothing that | know Of" replied
Tawney.
He reminds me-" said Reed. of the
Kansas dog that tackled 4 cyclone. y.
family from the east moved to Kan
sas. and they didn't know much about
cyclones. They had Il dog. Il fresh. in
nocent pup. bred in the effetc and
MINDLESS east. One day 4 cyclone came
along. The folks scootel for the cy-
clone cellar. but the dog. being an
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-01-01
Didn't Know Many Folks.

Artemus Ward was once travelling in
the cars. dreading to be bored and feel,
ing miserable. when a man approached
him, sat down and said:
did you hear that last thing on
Horace Greeley"
Greeley? Greeley| said Artemus,
Horace Greeley? Who is he"
The man was quiet about five min
utes. Pretty soon he said:
George Francis Train is kicking UP
a good deal of a row over in England
Do you think they will put him in a
bastile"
"Train? Train? George Francis
Train?" said Artemus solemnly. 81
never heard of him."
This ignorance kept the man quiet
for about fifteen minutes. Then he
said:
what do you think about Genera.
Grants chances for the presidency? Dc
you think they will run him."
Grant? Grant? Hang it. man.
said Artemus, you appear to know
more strangers than any mar | evel
saw"
The man vas furious. He walked
off, but at last came back and said:
"Say, did you ever heal of ADAM"
Artemus looked up and said;
Adam: Adam? What was his 9th
er name:"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-01-01
The Ways of General Wilson.

General John Nj. Wilson, retired, Is
a man who does things and does them
usually in ways that other mel would
not think of. 1t was he who com
pleted the building Of the Washington
monument, and he had it in charge for
many years. When the question of
putting an elevator in the shaft for
the accommodation of the public was
first mooted, many people were afraid,
and this fear continued after the ele-
vator was successfully installed. Once
General Wilson was called before a
congressional investigating committee
and asked if he were quite certain that
the elevator vas perfectly safe.
"No," he replied, II am not"
"What?" a congressman said. "YOu
come here and tell us that it is now
carrying passengers and that you don't
know whether it is safe or not2"
II cannot guarantee it," replied the
general. "All that human skill and
Ingenuity can do to make it perfect has
been done, but even while you gentle
men sit here something may have
smashed"
1t was simply a little object lesson
Of the generals belief in the fallibility
of human devices. Some time later
there was a heavy thunderstorm. and
lightning struck the monument. Ne
p%erceptible damage was done. bu,
there was some thought that the 'cap
stone which is made of metal, NIGH
have been injured. IT seemed that the
only way to find out was to send :
man to examine it. This required tn,
buildin. of Il scaffoll, a certain riSl
to the workman and n cost of abou'
$1,000. IL" general had another idea
He tclcpiCn"l 10 a friend in ~cllar~c 81
lie Initei States naval observatory
please turn Your strongest instrH
ment on tho top Of my monument. wi.
gou.' he said. "and see if It Is nj
right" IL q few moments the ,#.
was under - ...St rigid inspection. anj
Il vas found to be intact
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-01-01
THE TIGER OPENED IT'S MOUTH

theater. but Il circus. His employer
led him into a dirty cage, pointed to a
NANCY old lion skin and said:
"'Get into that for the present. Our
Nubian lion Nero died last week, and
III have to ask you to i~mpersonate
him a little while. The work will he
light and pleasant. You will only need
to roar, trot about and snarl at ME
when l prod you with this pointed
stick
1.-The rehearsal was satisfactory, and
in that nights performance the Irish
man duly appeared as Nero. the MI
| bian lion. All went we'll for some time.
| Then the trainer, raising his hand for
silence. said to the assembled multi.
tude:
"'Now, ladies and gents, in order tC
show the perfection of my trainin' syS.
tenn and the docility of the animals !
will put this here Nulian lion in thc
same cage with our man eatin' Royal
Bengal tiger. Up, Nero he went Oh
beginning to unfasten the iron door be
tween the two cages. Up. Nero
"'Man. are ye mad" whispered Nero
piteously. Think O. me Wife an chill
der
"ln ye go muttered the trainer
fiercely. or do l run this pitchfork
through ye:'
"Bcside himself with terror, the poor
fellow skunk into the tigers cage and
covered down in the most distant cor
ner. The tiger snarled and glared al
him balefully. and, closing his eyes, he
began to pray in Irish. The tiger cam,
softly toward him. He prayed faster
Then the tiger opened its mouth, ant
a kind voice said:
"'Don't be afraid. bhOy. Shure, Tn
Irish meSeIf'"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-01-01
The Last Resort.

James Anderson of the Scottish.
American Golf club smiled at a poor
player on the Van COrtlandt park links
in New York.
"He reminds me of a chap l used to
know" said Mr.. Anderson. "This chap
played SO badly that yer his caddies
made Il butt of him.
"He got Il ball badly bunkered one
day, ana do what he would he couldn't
get it out again. Whack, whack,
whack. he went. missing every time.
"After half an hours work he wiped
his wet face With his handkerchief
and turned dcspairingly to the caddy.
"'Hang it, he said. 4 have tried all
my cluhS on this COMPOUNDED ball!
What on earth am l to do now?'
"Thc clldy laughed harshly.
"'Give il Il swat with yer bag he
said.''-WaShington Star.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-01-01

eastern product. didn't understand. He
hailed the advent OF the cyclone with
joyous barkS and started off to tackle
it. The result was that when that
cyclone did business with that dog.
which charged down upon it with open
jaws. the dog was blown plumb inside
out. After the cyclone passed along
and the folks came out of the cellar
they found the dog there. picturesque.
but Of no further value as a dog. The
farmer surveyed the dog ruefully. He
was a good dog and hated to lose him.
Then the foolishness of the dog struck
him. and he said wrathfully: There,
drat We! That's what comes of keepin'
your mouth open in the face Of q
Storm"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-01-01
How It Was.

"Was this man Harrigan an entire
stranger to you:" asked the cross ex-
amining counsel Of a witness in a case
recently tried in an Ohio court.
"Wot's that?" asked the witness, a
wary Irishman, who had been warned
to be cautious and exact in his an
swers.
The question was again put to him.
"Well, no., sor," said the man.; II
could hardly say thot, sor. In fact,
he couldn't be, sor, for he had but the
one arm, sor, but he was a partial
stranger, sor. I'd never seen him be
fure."-Harper's Weekly.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-01-01
Desert Land..FinaI Proof.
UNITED STATES LAND OFFICE,

UNITED STATES LAND OFFICE,
LEwIsrowN, Mont, Nov. %, 1907.
Notice is hereby given that
JOHN MURRAY,
one of the heirs of Lewis c. Murray, deceased,
of Big Sandy, Chouteau county, Mont, has filed
notice of intention to make proof on his desert
land claim No. 2155, for lot7 section 33, town.
ship s5 north, range l3 east; lots 4 and 5, section
3, SEA NEk and lot S, section 4, township "a
north, range l3 east, before Edgar b.. Newhall,
y. 3. commissioner, at his Office in Big Sandy,
Montana, on Wednesday, the 18th day Of Janu'
uAry, 1905.
He names the following witnesses to prove the
complete irrigation and reclamation of said land
John Munro and Frsntz BLY,, of Big Sandy, Mon
tana, George Allen and George Barley, of Fort
Benton, Montana.
c.. X. MCKOIN. Repister.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-01-01
Notice Of Final Proof,
UNITED STATES LAND OFFICE,

UNITED STATES LAND OFFICE,
LEwIsrowN, Mont, Nov. 90, 1907.
Notice is hereby given that
JOHN MURRAY,
one of the heirs OF Lewis c. Murray, deceased,
of Big Sandy, Montana, has filed notice OF his
intention 70 make fnal five year proof in support
of his claim, viz: Homestead entry No. 5092'
made May %, 1907, for lot Z, SWh SWA section
Is, lots . and 3. section 81, township % north.
range Ii east. and that said proof will be made
at his office in Big Sandy, Montana, on January
IS, 1908.
He names the following witnesses to prove his
said land. viz: John Munro and Frantz BLY,, OF
Big Sandy, Montana: George Allen and George
Barkley, of Fort Benton, Montana.
G.. 4. McKOIN, Register.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-01-01
Expert Accountants Demanded.
The guest looked up angrily.

"Waiter," he sharply said, "didn's
you hear me ask you to bring my
check:"
"les, sir; in a moment, sir" the
waiter meekly replied.
"Why not nowT'
'The cashier is figuring it out, sir"
"Figuring it out? Why, all I've bad
was a plate of hash"
The waiter nodded.
YES, sir, but there We're seven kinds
of meat in the hash, sir, and five OF
them advanced in price this morning,
sir, and SO the cashier is trying to
epualiZe the cost of your hash, sir
There, he's reckoning to me now, sir
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-01-01
Introducing an Old Friend.

Introducing an Old Friend.
General Grosvenor, the Republican
war horse Of Ohio, was billed to speak
In Pittsburg.
When it was time to introduce the
general the chairman arose and said
Ladies and gentlemen, l need hardly
say to you that we are particularly
fortunate tonight in having with us
n Of the greatest Republicans of oul
sister state, Ohio. We are to have the
pleasure of listening to a man whose
name is a household word in Pitts
burg, who has fought for us the battle
of protection, upon which so much OF
Pittsburg's material prosperity de
ponds. You all know him. Everybody
in Pittsburg respects and honors him
He Is our friend. His name is on al
u lips. Friends, l now have the
pleasure of introducing to you thai
sterling patriot, that rock ribbed Re
publican, that eminent statesman, Gen
eral-General-Gen"-
The chairman flushed, stammered
wiped his forehead nervously and ther
blurted, General Gossamer of Ohio
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-01-01
Afraid Of Himself.

Joseph jefferson, the actor. once told
this story to a friend:
II was coming down in the elevator
Of the Stock Exchange building, and
at n of the intermediate floors a man
whose face I knew as we'll as I know
yours got in. He greeted me very warm
ly at once, said it was a number of years
since we had met and was very gra-
cious and friendly, but l couldn't place
him for the life of me. I asked him as
a sort Of a feeler how he happened to
be in New York, and he answered,
with a touch Of surprise, that he had
lived there for several years. Finally
l told him in an apologize way that
I couldn't recall his name. He looked
at me for a moment and then he said
very quietly that his name was U. S.
Grant"
"What did you do, Joe?" his friend
asked.
"Do?" he replied, with a character
istic smile. "Wby, I got out at the
next floor for fear I'd ask him if he
had ever been in the war"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-01-01
Desert land..Final Proof.
UNITED STATES LAND OFFICE
GREAT FALLS, Mont, Dec. 70, 100,

INITEU STATEs TAND OFFTCF
GREAT FALLS, Mont, Dec. 70, 1907.
Notice IL hereby given that
NICOLAUS S~TERNBERG,
of Big Sandy, Montana, has filed notice of his
intention to make final proof under his desert
land entry No. 1851, for liD acres of unsuryeyed
land in ChOuteau county, Montana, described by
metes and bounds as commencing At a point
!a miles south of section 33 in township % north
range II east, at the northwest corner of the
claim: thence south eighty rods to corner No. ,;
thence west 100 rods to corner No. 3; thence
south eighty rode to corner No. I: thence east
2iu rods TO corner No. ): thence north $50 rods
TO corner No. Il. thence vest 50 rods 10 plac" Of
beginning, before Edgar b. Newhall, United
States commissioner, n his office in Big Sandy,
Mont, on Tuesday, the 2sth day of January, 1905.
He names the following witnesses to prove The
complet" irrigation and reclamation Of land- ON,
hraC-d in said entry, viz: Herman D>terman,
Elizabeth D-terman and Ernest Ward, all Of Big
Sandy, Mont: Christian llokanaon, of Warrick,
Mont. J. NJ. BGRLlNGAME, Register.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-01-01
EVOLUTION.

I ate mo a welsh rabbit
In the night last past:
I ate IL. l welsh rabbit
Nhert"Y To stay my fast;
Simply i welsh rabbit,
A harmless. armless thing.
with not a leg to stand on,
Nor Voice to speak or sing.
l ate me a welsh rabbit
Then hied myself away
To bed and dreams and wishing
'Twcre longer Yet till day;
Simply a welsh rabbit.
A wileless. guilcless beast
hath 10 other mission
Thar serving for a feast.
I ate a welsh rabbit,
Gadzooks! l thought it so:
But after l had gone to sleep
How quickly it did grow
into the strangest creatures
Into the mares Of night.
Into the gibberish monkeys.
Into the shapes that fright.
Into the ringtailed ROSTERS,
Into the jabberwocks.
Into the jangling jaguars.
n the six horned OK.
Into the horse with f1ippers.
Into the hog with wings,
Into the cat with feathers,
n the cow that sings
into all manner Of creatures
OF the earth and the air and h SEE
And all OF them promenading
Or sitting around on me.
ate ME a welsh rabbit
In the night last past:
! ate me a welsh rabbit
Whereby to stay my fast:
Simply a welsh rabbit
How could there possibly be
In a little thing like that
A whole menagerie?
Century Magazine.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-01-01
Mas Thin lndeed.

A fine, robust soldier after serving
his country faithfully for some time
became greatly reduced in weight wv
ing to exposure and scanty rations I'M
til he was SO weak he could hardly
stand. Consequently he got leave OF
absence to go home and recuperate.
He arrived at his home station look
ing very bad. Just as he stepped off
the boat Il of his old friends rushed
up to him and said, well, we'll, Pat. |
am glad to see you're back from the
front"
"Begorra, I knew l was getting thin.
but I nivver thought you could see
that much," replied Pat. Ladies'
Home Journal.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-01-01
Desert Iand..Ftnal Proof,

UNITED SrAr1s LAND OFFICE,
GR1Ar FALLS, Mont, Nov. 20, 1907.
Notice IL hereby given that
OLIVER j. JONES,
of Gold Butte, Montana, has filed notice of in
tention to make proof on his desert LIANT claim
No. 1858, for lots ! and 2, and ny SEN section 4
township, 3! north. range 2 east, before Johr
Mcdowell, U. 8. commissioner, ct his Office il
Gold Butte, Montana, on Saturday, the 18th do,
of January, 1908.
He names the following witnesses to prove thu
complete irrigation and reclamation Of sale
land: Edward Christian, Richard Roscoe, Da
yid Cakes Sweet and Robert Cook, all of 0Olt
Butte, Montana.
j. NJ. BuRLINGAME. Register.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-01-01
Desert land..FInaI Proof.
UNITED STATES LAND OFFICE.

GREAT FALLS, Mont, Dec. 10, 1907.
Notice Is hereby given thatthe following named
entrymen have fled notices of their intention to
make final proofs under their entries, as de-
scribed, before Chss. II. Boyle, U. s. commits
Thursday. the 3Oth day of January, 1905, viz;
MARY F. DICKINSON,
OF Steele, Montana, who made desert-land entry
No. $685., Helena series, for the VIZ SEN. SCI
SEA section 81, township 70 north, range 10 east,
ELIZABETH A. DICKINSON.
of Great Falls, Montana, who made desert land
entry No. 500, Great Falls eeries, for the sen
sen and lot 4, section IS; EH Mex and lots /
NWA section 20. township 20 north, range Il
east, unsurveyed {as adjusted).
They name the following witnesses to provo
the complete irrigation and reclamation Of 1apdo
embraced in said entries: Eddie Boyd, Maurice
N. Jensen, William E. Dickinson and Harry 5.
Dickinson, all Of Steele, Montana.
j. M. BURLlN0AME, Register.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-01-01
Notice Of Final Proof.
UNITED STATES LAND OFFICE
GREAT FALLS, Mont, Dec. Z,

UNITED STATES LAND oFPiCE
GREAT FALLS, Mont, Dee. :, 1907.
Notice Is hereby given that
JAMES GRAY
Of Whitlnsh, Montana, has filed notice of his in
tentiOn to make final iive-year proof In support
of his claim, viz: Homestead entry No. 25l, made
November 8, 1909. for thu NEA SWA, 81 SWA
section l, and NW4 NWA section l., township
30 north, range 3 east, and that said proof will be
made before John Mcdowell, U. $. commission
or, at his Office in Gold Butte, Montana, on Jan.
uary II, 1905.
He names the following witnesses to prove hs
continuous residence upon and cultivation of said
said land, viz: Hiram +. Smith, Lester A. Scott,
Myron StrattOn and Samuel ID. Young, all OF
Whitlash, Montana.
j. NJ. BJRLINGAME, Register.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-01-01
Notice Of Final Proof.
UNITED STATES LAND OFFICE.

UNITED STATES LAND OFFICE,
GREAT FALLS, Mont, Nov. 30, 1907.
Notice is hereby given that
FRANK $. SCALESE,
of Gold Butte, Montana, has hled notice of his
intention to make final ~tive-year proof in support
made April -, 1901, for the VIZ NWh, VIZ
wv section 81, township IS north, range 2 east,
and that said proof wifi be made before Johr
Gold Butte, Montana, on January 10th, 1908.
He names the following Witnesses to prove his
continuous residence upon, and cultivation Of
said land, VIZ: Jed l.. Secrist, Edward Chris
ttan, Robert Christian and John Cameron, all Of
Gold Butte, Montana.
j.. N. BURLIN9ANE, Register.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-01-01
Desert land.-FjnaI Proof
UNITED STATES LAND OFFICE,
GREAT FALLS, Mont, Dec. .

UNITED STATES AND OFFICE,
GREAT FALLS, Mont, Dec, -, 1907.
Notice is hereby given that
CARY II. PATTERSON,
assignee of William y. Hurst, of Fort Benton,
Chouteau county, Montana, has filed notice of
intention to make proof on her desert land claim
No. sis, for the SWla SEA, SEA SWl4 section
II, township - north, range II east, before Chas.
II. Boyle, U. $. commissioner, at his office In
Fort Benton, Montana. on Thursday, a3d day Of
January, 1905.
She names the following witnesses to prove the
complete irrigation and reclamation of said land
Julius Maggie, John f. Allen, James Q. Patterson
and Fred Thies, all OF Fort Benton, Montana.
j. NJ. BURLINGAME, Register.