Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1908-08-28
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81 did not see you in church las,
Sunday" 81 do not doubt it. l took
up the collection. Bohemia
Caller Ito chiid)-Is this papa's little
boy or mammals little boy? Child
Dunno; the judge hasn't decided yet
life
Hyker-Bronson tells me he is taking
mud baths now. Pyker-Why, thought
he was out of politics.-Chicago Daily
News.
She-It's funny you should be so tall.
Your brother, the artist, is short, isn't
he? He (absently)-Yes, usually
Town and Country.
"Has the patient a generous reserve
force, nurse| mo, doctor; he has
nothing but a mean temperature."-
Baltimore American.
Grace-SO you have at last made UP
your mind to marry Jack? Lola-Yes,
I'm tired of having him hang around
he house every evening.-Chicago Daily
News.
Don't you ever get hOmesick, cap
tain?" asked the passenger on the ocean
liner. "No; I'm never home long
enough" replied the captain.-Ex-
change.
Bronson-My next-door neighbor Is
always looking ahead for trouble.
WoodsOn-FOr example. Bronson -
Well, this morning l saw him sharp
ening his lawn mower.
Miss DeMuir-I wish | could think
If some new and unusual birthday pres
ent to surprise mamma with this year.
Mr.. Spoonmore-How do you think
she'd like a son-in-law?
Cleverton (who has hired taxa.
meter cab to propose in)-Say "yes,"
darling? Miss Calumet-Give me time
to think. Cleverton-Heavens But
not in here! Consider the expense =
life.
The Lady Ito hastily-retreating bur-
| glar) me, but won't you please
wait till my husband sees you? l told
him there was some one in the house,
and he said Rubbish !"-Harpers Ba-
| Zar
Dick-You look worried old fellow.
Wick-I have cause for worry. Dick
What's the trouble? Wick-My wife
| says If | don't accompany her to the
seashore this summer she'll stay at
home.
Boy (who has been naughty and sent
out into the garden to find switch
to punish him with)-Oh, mummy,
couldn't find switch anywhere, but
here's a stone you can throw at me-
Punch.
hysician-Well, what do you com
plain of? Policeman-Sleeplessn
doctor Physician-At what time dc
you go to bed? Policeman-Oh, don't
mean at night. l mean in daytime,
while I'm on my beat.
She (on her bridal tour )--Oh. Dali.
Pm so unhappy. Dan-Why. what is
the matter, darling? Shelf am as
much to you as you say, you can't be
sorry your first wife died, and that
makes you too brutal for me to love-
life.
Doctor-The room seems cold, Mrs.
Hooligan. Have you kept the thermom-
eter at seventy, as | told you? Mrs.
Hooligan-Shure, an OF hov, docthor.
There's tn devilish thing in a toombler
av warrum wather at this blissid min
nut.-Judge.
Mamma-Good gracious, George
What is the matter with Freddie
Jones? Is the child having a fit?
Georgie-No, mamma. You know Fred
die shutters, and we bet he couldn't say
"altitudnousy" before Bobbie ran
twice around the block.-Puck.
Towne-Do you believe in dreamsl
Browne used to, but l don't any
more. Towne-Not as superstitious as
you were, eh? Browne-Oh, it wasn't
a question of superstition. | was in
love with one once, and she Tilted me-
Taa Catholic Standard and Times.
Cyrus-Reuben got bunkoed. Silas-
How so? Cyrus-Why, he read the ad-
vertisement of a firm that stated If he
would send dollar they'd send him
some light reading. Silas-And did
they send it? Cyrus-Yes, they sent
him two books entitled "The Age Of the
Arc Lamp" and How to Make Can
dies"
"John," she whispered, there's a
burglar in the parlor. He has just
knocked against the piano and hit sew
eral keys at once. "Ill go down." said
he. "Oh, don't do anything rash ~
Rash! Why, I'm going to help him.
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