Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-05-17

year before Stephen began to
fully realize the loneliness OF heI
life. She had no companion now
hut her aunt and though the OLD ladH
adored her and she returned her rove III
f,,I the mere years between them mace
impossible the compa nionship that youth
Graves Miss Rowlys life was IN 'he
mast Stepllen's was in the future; Tor
when did yor1th ever comprehend the real
itv Of the f1ving hours? And loneliness Is
feeling which comes unbid6en TO
heart But true true-love is the shyest
+hin, nm earth and such secrets are 50
finely evanescent that they hardly outiive
The moment of the telling. The knowi-
edge Of their existence remains
stonhan felt her loneliness all round.
In old DAYS Harold was always within
hail and comranionsfip of equal age
and understanding available. But
now his very reticence in her own inter-
est. and by her fathers wishes. made for
her main. Harold had put his strongest
restraint on himself. and in his own way
suffered a sort of silent martyrdom he
loved stephen with every fiber of his be-
ing All the strings of his being. phNsl-
cal as we'll as spiritual. were tuned to the
bv dav he came toward her with eager
step: day by day he left her with pang
that made his heart ache and seemed to
turn the brightness of the day TO gloom
Night by night he tossed about for hours
thinking. thinking. wondering If the tima
would ever come when her kisses would
be his = For in all A healthy mans
dreams of the woman he loves. her body
that God has made. we'll as her soul.
has its due and relative place. But the
fortunes and terrors of the night, the
longings and outpourings of heart and
soul and mind. which seemed to culver
through the darkness out into space. had
their effect on his days. 1T seemed as II
the mera act of thinking. of longing.
gave him ever renewed sef-control. SO
that he was able in his bearing to carry
out the task he had undertaken-to give
Stephen time to choose mate for her
self Herein lay his weakness-a weak
ness coming from his want of knowledge
of the world of women. Had he ever had
a love affair. be 1t never so mild one.
he would have known that love requires
2 positive expression. 1t is not sufficient
to sigh. and wish and hope. and long. all
20 oneself. Stephen felt instinctlvely
that his guarded speech and manner were
due to the coldness-or rather the trust
ing abated worship-of the brotherhood to
At the time when new forces were mani
Testing and expanding themselves within
her. when her growing instincts. Guilt
waited by the senses and the passions OF
young nature. made her aware of other
forces. new and old. expanding them
selves outside her: at the time when the
heart of girl is eager for new impress
sfons and new expansions. and the calls
of sex are working within her all uncon-
sciously. Harold. to whom her heart
would probably have been the first to
turn. made himself in his effort to best
show hts love. Quantite negligeable.
man loves woman and seeks that
woman's love; Wom9n seeks love. To
love for loves sake Is much more femi-
nine than a masculine act. Stephen in
all her vague longing for companionship.
which had at bottom physical basis.
was sublimely unconscious of her own de-
sires This is part of virginity; its
weakness and its strength. After all,
there is nothing so self-centered. nothing
SO nobly self-reliant. nothing SO callously
wickedly cruel as virginity. 1t knows no
lesson, of bitter experience. 1t acknOwl-
edges no worthness of intention Without
execution. 1t has no liberation for
weaker forces. no matter in what char
actar they may be turned: no under
standing of what is: no pity for what
was: no fear for what is to be.
Thus Stephen while feeling that the
vague desires OF budding womanhood
were trembling within her. had neither
thought nor knowledge of their character
or their ultimate tendency. She would
have b,en shocked Mortified. had that
logical process. which she applied SO free
ly to less personal matters. been used
upon her own intimate nature. In her
case logic would of course act within
certain range. and as logic is con-
Scious intellectual process, she became
aware that her objective was man. Man
in the abstract. Man., not "a man..
Beyond that she could not go. AT her
4 ttJ, l,1r Ix~s~1 he Il,
neither data to help thought. nor de-
sire TO raise the veil which hides the
mysteries OF sex. her own or the opposite
II is not too much to say that she did not
ever. even in her most Grant thought
apply her reasoning. or even dream of its
following out either the duties. the re-
sponsibiiities or the consequences of hav-
ing husband. She had vague longing
for younger cOmpanionship and of TIL"
kind naturally most interesting to her.
There thought stopped. Incipient yearn-
ing came to the end of it's warrant. All
beyond was fun of vague. nebulous. Ian
Guorous mystery; all delightful. and all
quickened with thrill of fear.
This state OF mind and body-for the
body rather than the mind is in this mat
ter the parent of thought-contnued for
some time and began TO have its effect
upon her. The woman within her was
unconsciously coming to its strength. Her
aunt saw. and understood and feared.
This phase of young girls life is best
known to her elders who have learned to
understand from their own suffering
their own delight She was very tender
with the child whom she loved, and no
mother could have been Of better or
larger understanding. But while she
feared she gloried. for Stephens beauty
seemed now to grow. hour by hour The
slimness of her extreme youth was dsap-
pearing and in its stead perfect
poise and adjustment of figure. which is
after all one of the greatest charms
which is given To any destined 10
motherhood. The slightly Increased full
ness of her cheeks and threat showed up
the tine color of her skin; her eyes We're
more lustrous. and In their added bright
ness seemed TO have enlarged. Her move
ments Were more elastic. without losing
anything of their freedom. She seemed
generally 10 be the very incarnation of
grace. even AT thosa languorous mo-
ments when voluptuous fancy uncon-
sciously swayed her thoughts, and
through her thoughts, her body
With the cultivated instinct of life
time the old lady grew more watchful
than she had hitherto been. and i'm her
own mind she challenged all and sundry
the men who were within the circle of
her niece's life.
did not al this time appear Leonard
E.yarard. who had some time ago finished
has course at college, was living partly
In London and partly on the continent
His very absence made him of added in
teIest To his old playfellow. The image
OF his grace and comelineSs. of his domi-
nance and masculine force early i'm
pressed on her mind. began TO compare
favorably with the actualities of her