Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-30
II You Are, Then Read This
TWisty-Wisty Tale
OF THE PIPER OF HAMELIN
Of the Cute Cockroaches That Ca.
pered for Coolidge.
OF THE LEETE GENEAL0GY
And Of the Lovely Lunatic, the Four
Bass Drums and the Choice
Chinese Pagoda.

Chinese Pagoda.
Doorkeeper Robinson who watches the
north entrance to the Treasury Depart
ment. OF course is used to all kinds OF
sights and all kinds Of people, and when
he see anything even a great way from
the ordinary he never bats an eyelash
This will only show that no matter what
is put up to Doorkeeper Robinson he
cannot be jostled into an expression OF
surprise.
Yesterday afternoon he was talking to
the captain Of the watch. and in the
course OF the conversation said:
Yes. he was an odd-looking man and
wanted to walk on his hands into the
treasurer's office, but Mr.. Treat was busy
with a delegation of divinity students
who wanted to become chaplains on gov
eminent airships, so / told him to call
later. He was about as tall as-well.
about as tall as that man there with the
four bass drums on his back and the
Chinese pagoda. No, It's too late now:
he's just gone into Assistant Secretary
Coolidge's room
Hark! the Killers Approach.
That really has nothing to do with Mr..
Coolidge and his cockroach troubles. ex-
cept to show that there are some odd
sights about the Treasury, but Assistant
Secretary Coolidge has had a terrible
time since il was noised abroad that he
was troubled with the little pests. Even
Mr.. Leete. who is confidential clerk for
Mr.. Coolidge. has had to stop studying
the Leete genealogy. although he had II
traced back to Peleg Leete and Hotas-
tophet Leete. who came from England
", ho ShAved the
family tree into the closet for a while. in
order to answer the letters and calls OF
cockroach killers. The roach killers
have been busy lately. and Mr.. Coolidge
has had to wear false whiskers and peer
over the transom of his Office before he
dared enter in the morning. for those
bloodthirsty bug exterminators are bound
to get a contract and that's all there IL
to ii.
Wool! How Very Woody!
But the gent with the four bass drums
and the Chinese pagoda slipped II to all
of them and walked into the sacred pre-
cincts without even saying by your
leave" although no one ever does say 1t
except in books. Mr. Coolidge was busy
counting his cigars and wondering how
they'd last the week out IL newspaper
men kept coming in, and Mr.. Leete was
saying to himself:
PLAT Leete were cousins, then E. Leete
and A. Leete must have been stepbroth-
ers So IL Mullgatawney Leete died In
infancy the Leete family must have been
a"
But he was interrupted. The walking
delegate Of the Roach Killers Union
said in a loud voice:
II am the pied piper Of Hamelin-"
Good morning. Mr.. Piper Of Hamil-
tom said Mr.. Leete. What can / do
for your
I'm the Pied Piper" Says He.
Nothing, / can do something for YOU"
and then he placed the pagoda near the
marble mantelpiece and unstrapped his
drums Mr. Coolidge locked up his cigars
and began to take notice.
"I. gentlemen. am the original pied
piper who played the rats away from the
Infamous town of Hamlin and got thrown
down hard when 1t came to cash In.
"If you have voucher. duly signed
and accredited. the controller of the cur
rency-
softly. softly. friend replied the pi-
per- 1T is not money for rats I want.
1t is a chance to get rid of your reaches"
Brother Coolidge. But I don't want to
get rid of my reaches: 1 love my little
reaches: they play with me, and 1 with
them. Oh. no one knows my little reaches
ike i 90. Anu lie Bidfeu a. WI i/cclc.
saying with his eyes that IL Mr.. Leete
dared to say any one did know his little
reaches like he did, then Mr.. Leete could
seek another job.
"Pish !"-Just Like That.
'.Pish-' This from the piper.
And then il was that Mr.. Coolidge saw
he had no ordinary man to deal with. So,
to make it short, the roach killer climbed
his pagoda. too his four drums and be-
gan to beat them all at once with ter
rife din. He beat them in three time
and four time, in two-four time and eight
notes-to- the measure time. He beat them
with whole notes and half notes and quar-
ter notes and syncopated notes. Notes
with straight tails and crooked tails, full
rests and half rests and no rests at all.
Beat them with loud pedal and soft pe0al.
beat them with expression, beat them
with pathos beat them with rollings and
trollings and staccato and retardo-
And as he beat them. from the little
crannies of the walls and floors, from the
cigar box stronghold. from the private
files and from the genealogy book. from
the drawer where they keep the chewing
tobacco, from the false whiskers and gum
Shoes scampered and frisked and whisk-
ed and bounded the dearest. cutest little
lamblike cockroaches you ever saw. Now
they circled and waltzed and galloped
around that piper. Now they two-stepped
and sidestepped and schottisched and
frivolled.
The piper was delighted with his sue
cess.
"Looie" Strangles a Sob.
"And now said Mr.. Coolidge. sadly.
as he saw his loved ones forgetting him
in the novelty Of this newcomer, What
do we do next?"
Why replied the piper. Il will play
them out into the street and up the ave-
nue.. and. when they have gone, move the
Treasury building and they'll never know
where to find 1t again.
But Secretary COrtelyou being away. the
proposition could not be accepted on the
spot. They will have to wait awhile.