The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-03-15
ADS CONTAIN
 HUMAN NATURE

Huma mature is seen in many guises, but particularly is it's originality shown in the unique advertisements inserted in newspapers and magazines from time to time. American advertisements, especial ly, are to the point, and are no respectors to persons or place.
 This advertisement was painted on nu- merous graveyard fences in New York state: Use Jones bottled ale if you would keep out of here"
 An old New York upholstery firm used this advertisement for number of years:
 Our parlor furniture is elegant.
 'Our bedroom furniture is rich. 1 Our mattresses are downy
 Our collins are comfortable"
 A Long Island schoolmaster once noti- fled his pupils that their vacation was al most over by inserting this notice in the papers:
 Flushing Institute. Dear Boys-Trou- ble begins September 15.'
 This notice appeared in the "Want' col umn of a Baltimore paper sometime in the early '70's:
 Ann Hempy desires employment. Can make trousers and scrub floors, clean windows, makes the best of pies and cakes, and washes dead bodies"
 Another amusing advertisement is this:
 ''Wanted-A professor to come twice a week to the house of religious family in order to reform the pronunciation of a parrot
 An eccentric and very wealthy spinster inserted this notice in New York news paper:
 Medical Man Wanted.
 "A lady going abroad would give a med ical man $500 year to look after favor ite Spanish poodle during her absence"
 There have been many queer advertise ments published in England since the custom was .4rst started.
 A country clergyman, whose parish was very poor, was very desirous of procuring hymn books for his congregation, but he could not afford to buy them. One day he received letter from business firm offering to give him the desired hymn books if he would not object to advertise ments being inserted in them. The clergy man was delighted and thankfully accept ed the offer.
 Some time after the books arrived, and he was agreeably surprised to find that the advertisements had been omitted from the back of the book. The following Sun day the hymn books were distributed among the congregation. Toward the end of service, to the clergymans horror, the choir sang lustily
 .sHark, the herald angels sing,
 Beecham's Pills are just the thing,
 Peace on earth and mercy mild,
 Two for man and one for child"
 People who have grasping and disagree able landlords will have fellow feeling with the Englshman who published this advertisement:
 Wanted, immediately, to enable me to leave the house which I have for the last five years inhabited, in the same plight and condition in which I found it, 300 live rats, for which I will gladly pay the sum of five pounds sterling. N. B. The rats must be full grown and no cripples."
 An Ideal Chaperone.
 This advertisement was published in the Morning Herald, 1923, and it is extremely unlikely that many applicants applied for the stuation:
 Wanted, for the ensuing London cam paign, a chaperone, who will undertake the charge of two young ladies' now mak- ing their entree into fashionable life She must possess a constitution impervious to fatigue and heat, and be perfectly inde- pendent of sleep; au fait at the mysteries of whist and casino, and always be ready to undertake a round game, With sup per appetite of the most moderate de- scription. Any personal charms which might interfere with her acting as a Toll to her charges will be deemed inadmissa- ble. and she must be totally divested ot matrimonial pretentions on her own ac- count. Address to Louisa, Two-penny Postoffice, Great Mary-le-bow street. N. B. No widow need apply
 There are some simple souls who, with the best intentions in the world, defeat their own ends by publishing advertise lnents which are, to say the least, dis tinctly ambiguous. For instance:
 "Rabies taken and finished in ten min utes by country photographer.
 ''rwo young ladies want washing.
 Teeth extracted with great pains
 "A house for family in good repair,
 Buggy blankets for sale cheap.
 Babies after taking one bottle of my soothing syrup will never cry any more" No person having once tried one of my air-tight collins will ever use another
 This unfortunate advertisement was painted on some fences in Berkshire: ~ Sc pr. Priors Cough Balsam,' and just be-