davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22
She Believed In Presents.

An old woman in Orkney was noted
for selling whisky on the sly Her
house was few miles from the town,
and the excise officers had often tried,
but in, vainsto get her convicted. A
young officer was appointed to the
place, who said, on being told about
her. that he would soon secure her
conviction. Early one morning he left
home and arrived at the old woman's
house at O'Clock. Walking in. he saw
no one. Noticing bell ON the table.
he rang it. The old woman appeared.
and he asked for glass Of milk. After
a little he rang again, and the old wo-
man appeared. He asked if she had
any whisky. AYE, sir" she said, 1--WE
aye have some in the bottle" setting
1t down before him. Then, thanking
her, he laid down sovereign, which
she took and walked out. After help
ing himself he rang and asked for the
change. "Change. sir?" said the old
woman. THERE'S nae change. We
hae nae license. Fat we gle we gle in
presents; fat we TAX we tax in pres
ents, so good day, sir" The excise
man left the house a sadder but wiser
personage.-Strand Magazine.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22
BUM GAM e.

+ jamestown Capital: The weakness
of the Mandan baseball team was the
feature of the game at the ball park
Sunday afternoon, the players wear
ing the slope uniform being defeated
in loosely played game. a. to 6
The visitors were weak in nearly ev
cry department of the game, making
ten rank errors, although they bat
ted fairly well. jamestown made ten
runs in the first inning and fourteen
more later in the game. In the sew
enth inning Jamestown completely
changed its lineup, and Jack Boyle
went into the box, the game being toe
one.sided with Nierling twirling and
the regular lineup. Attendance was
large. q.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22
Professoriai. STANDING.

A professor of English literature in
one of our universities once brought to
me to publish in this magazine learn
ed piece of writing. 1t seemed to me
a pretty dull thing and not important.
according to my judgment, to anybody
and not possibly interesting to more
than a mere handful Of special stu
dents. I told him this as politely as
could. He soon came to me again and
smilingly took me into his confidence.
81 hardly expected" he said, shat you
would publish that study that Of
fered youth fact, care little about
It myself. 1 wrote it because my pro-
fessional standing demands that shall
produce something at certain intervals.
but now have piece of writing that
I do, take great pride in. and want
you to publish it without betraying the
authorship to any living being. 1t
would hurt my professional standing If
1t became known, that l wrote this"
1t was a noyel!-Walter n. Page in
Z Atlantic. ~ -. ...-. -
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22
The Wrong Bird.

One of the well known magicians
not along ago had queer experience,
but the people in the theater had more
fun cut of it than he did. One of his
tricks was to shake a sack to show
that it was empty and then to draw
out of IT an egg, after which he would
always reach in again and bring out
the hen that laid the egg. OF course
he had to have help In this, and one
night he had a new man who did
everything just as he had been told
until it came to this act. Reaching
into the bag. he drew forth the fowl
at the usual time, but instead Of the
hen an old rooster hoped down on to
the stage, ruffled its feathers and
strutted around, Growing with all its
might, while the audience laughed
and the magician went out to hunt his
new helper.-London Opinion.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22
THE FISH I'M HIS BED.
Funny Climax to an Angling Experi-
ence of General Gallifet.

Funny Climax to an Angling Expert.
II ence Of General Gallifet.
Long ago, in the days of the second
empire, General Gallifet was the aid
de-camp of Napoleon Ill. At st. Cloud
his quarters were just over the Inn
perial bedroom. Everything around
him was very grand and very gloomy.
The window Of his room looked upon
the pond that washed the walls of the
chateau. The water was clear and
the surrounding scenery was beautiful,
but the young lieutenant felt like
prisoner. Early one morning, while
seated at his window trying to drive
away the blues with cigar, he espied
below In the crystal wateR an enor-
nous carp. The instinct of the angler,
strong in Gallifet, made the young
mans eyes snap and set his heart
throbbing.
The big fish was the private property
of the emperor. Consequently for Gal
lifet it was forbidden fish. But it was
such fine fellow! The resistance of
the soldiers conscience was useless. 1t
naming part Of the campaign against
the carp was simple enough. Gallifet
went to his trunk, brought out his
trusty line, to which he fastened a
hook and an artificial bait. With his
accustomed skill he cast his line. The
carp was hooked and hauled in through
the window. ....
Here the lieutenant's fun ended and
his trouble began. The fish. landed
| upon table, overturned large globe
filed with water and caromed from
that to a magnificent vase, which it
also upset and smashed to pieces upon
the floor. Then it began to execute a
genuine pas de carpe among the smith
Greens. ~
The emperor, hearing the strange
| racket overhead and seeing the water
! trfckling through the ceiling, was as
tonished. He rushed upstairs to find
out what was the nntter. Gallifet
heard him coming and endeavored to
| grab the carp and throw it out Of the
4 window and thus destroy the evidence
of his poaching in the imperial pond
But the slippery thing was hard to
hold, SO he tossed it into bed and
! covered it up with the bedclothes
When the emperor entered the room
he noticed Immediately the quiverins
bedclothes. He pulled them down ant
uncovered the foundering fish. Hi
majesty's face assumed an almost Jim
Jamie expression, which gradually
faded into faint smile. He took II
the entire situation, saluted and feft
the future war minister to mediate
upon the mysteries Of fisherman
| luck
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22
OPTICAL ILLUSIONS.
Striking Examples That May Be OBJ
seryed In Daily Life.

Striking Examples That May BE OBJ,
served In Daily Life.
Doubtless every one has observed
while travelling by train that the trees
or houses In the distance appear to be
speeding along in the same direction
as the train, while the nearer objects
are fast receding. Many, too, have OBJ.
served that the top of a level wall
built on steep incline appears to
slope upward in a contrary direction
to the hill itself at nearly the same
angle to the apparent level. and some
have curiously regarded the ghostlike
gliding and vanishing of dark shad-
ows while passing a double row Of
fencing, but the following are not 50
commonly remarked: II.
One might stand for several minutes
watching the revolutions of the cups
Of an anemometer-for measuring the
velocity of the wind-and still be puz-
zled as to the real way they are turn
ing round. Gaze up at them when
there is an uncertain breeze blowing.
They revolve rapidly, and you are per-
haps perplexed as to their direction.
AS the wind subsidies you would expect
to find it easier to tell the direction by
the slower revolution; but, as a matter
of fact, the difficulty is increased.
With the varying speed your first i'm
preston is that such and such Is the
direction. A moment later you reverse
that idea, and the longer you gaze the
more it seems as if they are spinning
round erratically in every possible di.
rection. whereas, of course, they can
only turn one way. *
| Standing Immediately beneath high
wall Of a building the longer the wal
the better for practical demonstration
\ many would aver on looking upward
that it was not exactly perpendicular
but inclined toward them in a threat
ening manner. This illusion is the eft
feet of perspective and would be seer
to better advantage if you stood be
tween two such walls which faced
each other at short distance. = New
! York Telegram. "
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22
sturaeons' Rackbones.

From the dried backbone Of sturgeon,
which has the appearance of macarcni,
an excellent Russian soup, called
sesiga. Is made. 1t is excessively nu-
tritive and invigorating, almost as
much so. indeed. as the famous beche
de mar mot mer). otherwise the ira
pang. or edible sea slug. It is collected
in large quantities throughout the In
dian archipelago, especially to the east
ward, for the China market. There
are many varieties, such as the large
scarlet trapang from Macassar, the Ku-
roke trapang from Borneo, the great
black trapang from Leuconia and many
more. Properly prepared, this is abb
solutely the most inspiring soup there
is and is as superior to turtle as the lat
ter is to water Cruel It costs about
$3.50 per pound.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22
Ice and Glass.

I
Ice has the property = peculiar to
bodies which expand on freezing of
liquefying under pressure and solidify-
Ing again when the pressure has been
removed. Consequently the weight of
any body moving upon a sheet Of ice
causes the formation of thin layer of
water which separates it from the ice
and thus, by reducing the. friction to &
minimum, enables it to move smoothly
over the surface--i. e., makes the Ice
more slippery" On glass. on the con.
trary, this liquid medium is wanting.
SO that the twos solid and unyielding
bodies come into actual physical con.
tact, causing a friction which, in spite
of the smoothness Of the glass. consid-
erably retards the motion of the body.
IT two smooth sheets Of glass be taken
and a few drops of water sprinkled
over the, one and the other placed
above it, thin layer Of water will be
formed, and until this layer has been
pressed out the upper glass will move
on the other as smoothly as if on ice.
This peculiar property of ice is due to
the effect of pressure in lowering the
freezing point Of water, SO that when
ever ice is subjected to great pressure
1t partially melts.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22
COU.L'|D.|N|' SWIM
For This Reason Man Stood
and Watched His Little
Charge Drown J.

j Waterfowl, S. D., July 21.-While
a big hired man looked on helplessly.
little Robert Chapman, aged years
fell from the iron bridge near tn
Chapman home this afternoon and
was drowned in the Big Sioux river
The child had gone to the bridge t.
fish, the water. under the bridge be.
ing 16 feet deep and good fishing
place. In some way the boy lost his
balance, and the first warning the
hired man had, who had accompanied
the child, was splash in the river be
low. After the boy had gone down
for the last time, the hired man, who
could not swim, gave the alarm, and
neighbors rescued the body, but life
was extinct.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22
THE GoNDOLA.
lts Gliding and Guiding Through
Venice's Intricate Canals.

lts Gliding and Guiding Through
Veniee's Intricate Canals.
,rae gondola is so perfectly adapted
to its purpose that it is like q sentient
thing in the gondolier's censrol. 1t
obeys the slightest impulse of the oar.
Through the narrow and intricate
lanes of ! Venice, with the sharp and
battling turns, it glides with unfailing
accuracy. The boatmen have about
ten different calls by which they an
nounce their approach, as they come
to corner, the turn they will take in
a crowd, their way to right and left
and all that And these calls, half
song, half cry, echo day and night, and
vet SO musical are they that they seem
to be merely a part Of the brooding
silence of Venice. I'll
Indeed the wonder of Venice Is how
all things-the city and the sea, the
boats and the people, the songs and the
sky combine to make one perfect
whole, caressing and idle as one Of
Petrarch's sonnets, which one care
not. Here even death is not merely
somber. 1t is friendly and familiar as
well. saw them put old sPaolo to
bed for the last time. He had been in
his prime a stout gondolier Of the ira
ghetto Of Santa Sofia, near the Rialto,
but in old age was ragged "hooker'
Of the gray. In his quarter, however
he was respected man. Indeed te
be old or to. be a child Is among the
gondoliers title to tenderness and re-
spect. And so when good man dies
in the poorer quarters the neighbors
combine and, hire brass band to Gel
citrate his virtues.-Vance Thompson
in Outing Magazine. o. 49,.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22
Had Experience,

Not long ago there entered the Office
Of the superintendent Of a trolley line
in Detroit an angry citizen demanding
justice In no uncertain terms.
In response to the officials gentle in
quiry touching the cause Of the demand
the angry citizen explained that on the
day previous as his wife was boarding
one Of the company's ears the conductor
thereof had stepped on his spouse's
dress. tearing from it more than a yard
of material.
81 can't see that we are to blame for
that protested the superintendent
"What do you expect us to do-get her
a new dress?'
mo. sir, do not" rejoined the angry
citizen, brandishing piece Of cloth.
what propose is that you people
shall match this material."-Harpers.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22
Whxfs

Is one always chilled to the marrow?
4 Is an explorer always intrepid? #
Is swoop always a fell swoop7
lis a statesman always eminent?
4 lisa newspaper man always a well
known newspaper MANI
Is bargain always extra special?
is drapery always cline&ngs
Is sweetness always cloyfng?
Is ruffian always burly?
Is one always within an inch Of
death? Why not two inches7
And why, why, why. is a conclusion
always foregone 2? Cleveland Press.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22
Hard to Please.

"George. dear" said the newly made
wife, '"if you became a Mormon or a
sultan and were allowed six wives
whom would you choose for the other
hve?' r
Z George was diplomatic.
"I'd select" he replied, five dupli-
Gates of your own pretty self"
"Oh, you nasty thingr' she sobbed
'sWhen we We're engaged you often
said there wasn't another girl in the
world like me!' 81, -
"But. my dear Gertrude" he replied
ut was you who suggested the prob.
lem, and, anyhow, should never be,
come Mormon or sultan"
ooh, ybu wretch" she shrieked
"You mean that If you found any 9th,
ers like me you wouldn't marry them,
I'll pack my trunk now and go home
to motherr'
1t was the first tiff.-Lendon An
gwerS. 5& l. ...
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22
The Golden Rule
FAMILY GROCERs

Jelly glasses, per doz ..........30c
Pint Mason fruit jars, per doz ..75c
Quart Mason fruit jars, per doz. .S5c
half gal. Mason fruit jars, doz. .$1.15
Pint fruit cans, latest improved,
per doZ NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.. .85c
Glass tumblers, per doz ....... .35c
Eggs are higher, 2 doz. for. ..35c
Quart boxes raspberr'es, each. .15c
Water melons, each ............ soc
2 lbs. California grapes, 15c, Or
lbs. for .................. Csc
Fancy apricots, per lib. ......... .15c
8 lbs. best prunes for ......... Use
Best dried peaches, per lib. .1a
2 lbs. best dried raspberries ......75
LOOT. enamel dishpan ..15e
14-qt enamel dishpan Csc
And a fine display of 5, 10, Is and
zoe articles, each one bargain, and
used every day in the house. Call and
look them over.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22
Too Much Sound.

In Dean Ramsay's book Of anecdotes
there is one which refers tola CONVEX
sation between Scotch minister and
q sexton The minister was stranger
to the gravemaker and discussed with
him the doctrines Of the neighboring
clergy AS one after another was men.
toned the sexton wagged his head
gloomily and said. Hes no sound"
At last the minister, who was, by the
bye. long winded and rather empty
preacher, mentioned his own name and
inquired, "Mr. - now, isn't he
sound?'
zoo, aye" said the sexton, with a
twinkle in his eye. "He's aw sound"
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22
[)ELU[)ED
DukhObofs Refuse to Eat,
Which, If Continued, Might
Solve the Trouble

Yorkton, Canada, July Il. Since
the arrest and Imprisonment of their
leaders, the forty Duhobors in Camp
Arcadia refuse to eat food Of any
kind, and say they will not break
their resolution until their brethren
are restored, an improbable event un-
til their six months terms expire
Things are so serious that the mount
ed police were obliged to remove the
children, fifteen in number, by fore
and they are now being cored for in
Yorkton Jail.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22
Why, lndeed2

The five-year-old son was asking his
father some severe questions about q
recent addition to the family.
'That baby likes ma" said the
youngster sharply.
'Oh, yes, he likes your ma" said his
father. "but he likes me too"
Thereupon the five-year-old from
whom great things were expected ex'
claimed:
Likes you? Then why does he cry
when he looks at you?"-Chicago Rec
rd-Herald.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22

Gee, wouldn't it bump you the way
Holland is knocking the submarines.
You'd think after drawing SO much
money from Uncle Sam for submar:
ines. that Mr. Holland would draw a
nicer picture of them. Now he says
they're no good, and that none of the
powers except Japan has a submarine
torpedo boat that's worth it's weight
in scrap iron. wonder how he knows:
There is another fellow down on Long
Island Sound who has a practical
submarine that swine around the
ocean like deep sea fish, but he cant
get a look in at Washington, because
he hasn't any pull. want to tell
Won one thing that has a good pull
and that is our Aermotor Windmdlls..
They haven't any torpedoes attached
to them. but they can be relied upon
at all stages of wind or weather 81
Certain other things in our line Of
trade are In constant demand at this
season. such as garden toys, refriger-
ators and ice c cream freezers. A
people wait until it is 80 in the shade
before they will take Ice or buy q
frappay box. But wants the use OF
waiting? You know we will get the
warm numbers, SO You might as well
tear another sheet of the calendar,
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22
Rreakfaast TabIe Revenae.

Breakfast is an excellent meal to
which to invite ones enemies. There
would be a certain wild Joy In drag:
cling ones best hated friends out of
their comfortable beds at unearthly
hours of the morning and then proyid-
ing them with good. honest, whole
some. hungry breakfast which they
probably, could not eat London Gen
tiewoman.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22

Bargains in wash goods, white
goods, muslin underwear, dress skirts
silk suits, ladies' wash dresses, chill
dren's dresses and fancy ribbons at
The Fair Store.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22
an Elastic standars,i.

Contributors Has that poem any
merit7 Editor Oh, yes If It hadn't
would throw you out OF the window.
But 1t Is good enough to permit you TO-
steal quietly down the back stairs.
Life.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22
Mutually Helpful.

Husband Smikeson's wife is away,
and I'm going over there this evening
to cheer him up Wife Why don't
you bring him here? Husband Well-
ERIN not feeling very well and need
o little cheering up myself,
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22
Miaht ana Mane.

Tom Hood, the punster, once describ-
ed the meeting Of a man and lion.
and In doing so he said. 1.-THE man ran
of with all his might and the Lion with
all his NAME
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22
Aiw,a,x,a Tired.

Political Candfdate-Which way do
the farm hands lean around here?
Farmer Ryetop-Well, stranger. around
blowing and planting time you viii see
them leaning against the barn or fence
every time your back Is turned. Des-
eret News.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22
.CHEWED HIS EAR
Glencoe Man Dies in His
Pig Pen and Animals
We're Hungry

IA st. Paul, July PA special to the
Pioneer Press from Glencoe, Mimi,
says: E s@
Ludwig Chandler, a laborer aged 65
was found dead in a pig pen at his
home in this city today. He had evil
IDENTIFY died of heart failure when feed.
ing the pigs. The beasts had chewed
one ear . .,Es
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22
Necessity the Mother.

who got up those hanging gardens
Of BabylonY"
"Some king"
"For what purposeT' H.
II Judge he wanted to oqtwft the
neighbors' chickens. Cou-
rter-J Journal. g.. s-s.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22

There seems quite an assembly OF
political candidates at the state fair
at Fargo this week, but it is not said
whether they are on exhibition or re
snwing acquaintance with old time
friends. a# n. II s.. II
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22
EXPENSIVE.

Il should never have thought that
studying would have cost 90 much
money"
Yes. father. and Ii you only knew
how little ! have studiedys--Judge.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22

Manner is much A man always
looks better when he carries himself
weln than when couple OF friends are
trying to carry him.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22
Telephone Orders sent c. 0. D

Extraordinary bargains in all sum
mer goods at The Fair Store ali this
week and next.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22

Two sons are born Of devoted
mother. It's so strange that from
this same cradle one starts toward
lone darkness and frozen tide; the
ether, toward the peaceful seas.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22

I'm for the fellow that tolls for
bread. and does it because he loves
his own.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22

Everything unknown Is taken for
magnificent. Greek Proverb.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22

It will repay you to visit The Fair
Store during their July clearance sale
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22
Literary Motives.

DO / write for posterity n repeated
Racket II do. sir-ten Of 'em."
Puck.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-07-22
BANANAS!. BANANAS!
Fancy Stock, Per Doc. 2oc

S-lb. can California sliced peaches,
per can ......-... .......... Csc
Cow brand soda, regular 10c grade,
special, 2 pkgs. for ..........15c
Fancy California lemons, per doz SOC
Fresh Saratoga chips, per pkg 49,. 1oe
Whynot soda crackers, regular 25s
size, special, per pkg. ........ zoe