The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-12-23

He shut his Jaw and stuck out for
awhile. but eventually followed me
downstairs. Then he tried t. grab his
hat and overcoat and make a sneak
for It. but ! had an eye on him and
prevented it. l finally got him down to
the dining room and the table, but he
refused to eat. That made no differ
ence in the programme. however. 1
began to talk to him like-a mother-in-
law. l am an elderly woman of pro-
nounced opinions. l proceeded to reel
OF some Of those opinions for his ben
eft. He hadn't got more than a quar-
ter Of a dose before he rose up to go,
saying something about suicide, but l
sQuatted him down and kept him there
until l had said all l wanted to.
Mr.. Bowser wasn't exactly quiescent
under my fire. He uttered exclama-
tons about cats and bats and mothers
fn-law. and fourteen different times
he said that he would leave the house
It l didn't, but we were both there
when I got through talking-that is,
when l got through talking for Just
then. l went upstairs to see my daugh-
ter and had scarcely got there when
l heard him rafting and banging at
the furnace in the cellar. l descended
part way and stopped him by threats
of the crowbar. Then he took a no.
ton to fix a door in the kitchen, and l
had to make some blood curdling
threats before he would cease ham,
mering and saving. Then he came IN
into the sitting DON and got out an
old harp and began stunning on it
and singing. l didn't have to waste
words on him on this occasion. As
soon as he saw ME coming he cuddled
down, and l left him playing solitaire
with a pack of cards az wen up
again.
Then Mr.. Bowser sneaked on me.
Half an hour later l came down to
make some fresh tea and found him
gone. l am that sort Of woman that
when l strike a son-in-law's trail l
never leave it until he Is my mutton.
I put on my things and went looking
for Mr.. Bowser. I heard Of him on
several corners, but 1t was nearly an
hour before l overhauled him. He
was leaning against an iron fence with
his hands in his pockets and his hat
pulled down. but l knew him at once.
He started off as ! grabbed for his
ear, but a kind hearted little boy,
whom l shall certainly remember in
my will, raj ahead Of me and seized
him by the coattails and hung on until
l could come up.
"Come home, Samuel" l said as 1
got a good hold.
How He Was eluffed.
He said he'd die right then and
there first. but he didn't. A policeman
along and advised him to trot,
down and took a chair in front of him
and labored with him-that is, l began
a monologue that lasted for three
hours, and every time he pretended to
doze off l gave him the toe of my shoe
and reused him up. I waded into the
Bowsers for Il hundred years back. l
compared him to an owl. a polecat. a
toad. a gobller and Il hundred other
l hurled threats at him that
brought shivers to my own spine.
Whenever he tried to protest I men,
aced him. Whenever he tried to get
UP to go ! threatened his life.
Three hours did the trick. The bluff
err was blufed. | wore him right
His wife could have done
1t years ago if she had only had
the grit and the pertinacity. If she
had gone for him the first time he ever
yelled woman" at her he would have
been as humble IS a rabbit the rest Of
days. After the first hour I saw
that l was gaining on 1t, and l never
let up for a minute until the bells
l o'clock. Then Mr.. Bowser
suddenly collapsed in a heap, and after
l had rubbed a We rag owe his face
and revived him he rose up and put his
around me and murmured:
ooh. you dear old thing. but I'm so
thankful that you came and that we
had this delightful talk together!"
At the present writing he is follow
ing me about the house and wishing
he could die for me, and I think I have
him blutfed for as much as two weeks
ahead. Mothers-in-law, try my recipe.
and take no other.
SARAH THOMPSON,
Mother-in-law Of Mr.. Bowser
Per NJ. Quad.