The Hawaiian gazette., 1908-04-24

Well" said the other. with a modest
smile, there are tricks in every trade
Of course. and as We live We learn
The longer we live. the more we
Learn" said he. Il knew an old grocer
in CresSon who had learned lot
stopped before his shop one day and
looked curiously st great line of bar
relS. barrels Of apples, some marked
with an A and some marked with T.
Why are these barrels marked diff
fersRtly, Uncle JOSH 1 said TO the
old man They seem to be the same
kind Of apples
They is the same kind. son. the
old man replied. but some customers
want s barrel opened at the top and
some at the bottom "
We should give these men the treat
menI they give US" said Mrs Boor-
man Wells, the English suffragette, At
ladies luncheon at the Plaza
Il know a woman in Park Lane
whose husband used to stay out con-
tinually till or o'clock in the morn
ing.
She cured him
I The last time he came home at
dawn he found her, in q low-cut din
her gown. yswning over 3 novel and a
cup Of tea
~ didn't-ersuppose you'd sit up
for me. dear he said.
Oh said she, I haven't been sit
ting up for you. darling. I've Just come
! in myself"
/ Mrs Patrick Campbell, the talented
an English critic whose methods she
I dislikes:
The man is not a critic at all. He
I has not enough intelligence TO be a
critic In fact he bellies his name An
incident VIII supply my smile
I On one of my voyages 10 the states
/ the weather was extremely rough As
II lay in my berth my luggage and the
fittings Of my stateroom were flung
about horribly All OF a sudden there
came an extra heavy lurch, and some
I thing struck me on the head.
/ i vas stunned The blow had been
severe When l recovered my senses
and looked 10 see what had 50 nearly
Hone for NE. beheld an admirable con-
trivance marked. in great black letters,
I Life Saving Apparatus
/ Marx Twain. at the remarkably beau
tffuI dinner that Robert Collier gave
at Sherry's in New York last month,
sat beside Miss Ethel Barrymore
Miss Barrymore, the story goes, talk
81 70 the great humOrist about mar
rage She spoke Of the odd views on
marriage that are held By H G. Wells,
by George Moore, By George Meredith.
and By Mr. HoweIls, who is continually
saying that passionate love soon dies.
What is your idea Of usrriagez''
she asked the humOrist-
Let ne repeat TO you" he replied, "a
remark that I heard q Hartford man
once make
1T was at the marriage Of this mans
daughter. AL was over. and the young
couple were about 20 start on their
honeymoon
The man, as ne bade his new SON
in-IzT gOOdby. shook him by the hand
and said huskiIy:
It's twenty-five years since 1 was
hxsd up. Bill. my boy. and I trust
yOu'Il-EsIl. OF course, the rough goes
with the smooth"
Senator DepeE, at a reception in
/ Washington, was discussing an error
that had been made in the first ar
rsngeneuts Of the New York-Paris au-
t0mobile race.
The error was ultimately corr
rected," he said, and while it lasted
it-did 10 harm any way. Il was fun
n, though II was Ike an error that
once occurred On the New York Cen
trsL
1t SEEMS that al a small station a
ticket agent had run short Of tickets.
and was obliged to give q party Of
fishermen halves instead Of Tholes.
F1A fare was paid for these half
tickets and the agent vent out on the
platform when the train stopped, and
explained the matter TO the conductor,
50 that everything should be all right.
The conductor had almost forgotten
this occurrence when. come ten miles
further On. the front brakeman came
70 him and Eaid in q tone Of bitter
disgust
This here half fare dodge f. get
tin Z little 70 not Tor ne. boss. WHY.
there's bunch u children up in the
smoker. what plays poker. drinks
whisky and wears whiskerz.'
Eddie Fog. the eminent comedian.
al 4 theatrical supper in New YORK
made funny speech in praise Of pa
5anaE &
Always wear pa1amzs.v he began.