Daily press. [volume] (Newport News, Va.) 1896-current, 1908-01-25
A c l r L.

w. > CAbtGt 'NfNtNA. AitSh. ~
was his bead Imprcrs had seen about
eighteen years Of earthly woe. and lie
WAS highly scnsltized by nature. al
though bis father was bluff old cod
ger without an ounce OF nonsense In
his whole makeup.
John Jappers fell In love. lie had n
girl, at least he thought he had, aud he
Thought lie had said interesting things
and quoted poetry enough to make her
Just crazy TO have him propose. One
day he concluded lie would try TO see
how an offer OF marriage. mnde in
true knishtly style. would affect her.
lie nrrayed himself in purple and fine
linen, SO to spcal.. made himself look
us ravisiingly beautiful us he could
be and sought his divinity.
Cooking her into the parlor. whore
they might be unobservcd. lie proceed
Ell In due aud regular form to offer
himself. Did that girl swoon from ex-
cessivc glndness? Did Miss Plnky
Brown fling herself OH his clean shirt
front aud SWIVEL la ecstasy? Well, not
10 any great extent.
On the contrary, she laughed In his
face and called him fool; told him to
40 home and ask his motheY for n
sihsersnap, and when he. seized her by
the hand and attempted to demonstrate
her black and tan terrier seized him
by the calf Of his leg and attempted
TO eXtrnct soup piece from il.
Iappers felt his proud heart break.
He wished he had snuff to put in that
dogs eyes md n pistol hall to put be-
tween his own. He waited like q mar
tyr until that pet of hers had got
through with his lunch, and then, tnk-
ing his hat, he strobe haughtily from
the house. resolved to die, TO smother
his grief in the lethcan wave OF OBJ
lvlon.
Looking neither to the right nor left
he mndc his way to an npothccary's
store and said lie wanted dose of
arsenic TO kill eat. The druggist had
often met these crazy looking chaps
who wanted TO poison cats and rats
and things, and, concluding ut most
that he would only make the cat sick
OF her existence for few hours. he
proceeded TO put up n strong cmetic,
With which our heroic youth strobe
home, fully resolved OH funeral.
Going TO his chamber. lie wrote the
following note and left 1t on the tn
BILE:
Friends of This Earth--Tnte has frnc-
tured my heart. She whom | worshipcd
has laughed ut my love ana set her dog
on me. pass on. 1 crave the silent
tomb cannot live In the same world
with her ana know that am scorned l
have taken arsenic
Then he took the emetic. Being
strong, 1t worked hurrlcdly. 1t appear
ed TO waltz through his troubled in
terror, and he moancd like stricken
calf. The family rushed un to his
room IN great alarm. His father gruff-
ly asked him what the matter was. and
nc pointed to the paper on the table.
The old man seized and read 1t.
III he hanged IF the cussed idiot
hasn't been taking arscnic.' he ex-
claimed. and, scizlng his hat. he rush
ed out for tl:c nearest physician.
Grabbing stomach pump. the doc
too. was soon Mt the bedside OF his
bowling patient. Then the fun began.
The parent OF that poor boy sat upon
his stomach. while the doctor applied
the pump, aud the experience that he
underwent for the next ten minutes
was quite enough to make any man
sigh for .'the silent tomb" lie could
feel 1t pull on his very corns.
After nearly turning him inside out
the doctor discovered the real truth
and llmbcrcd up his "machine" TO go
home. That matter of fact father fol-
lowed him to know why he withdrew.
IL lie was quite sure he had pumped
him dry, when the doctor informed
him tina. lie had been made n fool of.
that the boy had taken an emetic and
that he would take $40 for his trou-
Bile In relieving him of It.
That matter or fact parent paid the
BIZ nnd showed Mr.. Medlco out OF
doors. md then, with flood of pa-
ternal love light In his eyes, he return
ed to his son.
He ordered the others from the room.
and, after locking the door, he began
to act the part of nm Indian medicine
man with the sufferer.
He warmed him with rattan cane.
He sat upon him md busted the most
distended portions of his pantaloons
with the palm Of his hand. lie took
him by the two legs and, holding him
up as he would carcass of mutton,
he 1ounced his head on the floor SOW
eral times.
"rhere" said he, after his parental
love had spent Itself. eff ever catch
you making such COMPOUNDED mule OF
yourself again I'll cram n pound of nj
troglycerln down your throat and