davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-29
- - pIAND sEENz 80
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interestedly In Washington and its beau
tification take pity on you and put some
thing through
To my mind that's rather much OF an
indictment.
WHENEVER the time ball on the
w State. War and Navy building goes
out or business for even a day n low wall
Of agony goes up from the jewelers. Of
Washington. When one doesn't stop 10
think about IT, wouldn't II seem that the
jewelers. should detest that ball as a
hindrance to their business OF regulating
and setting watches?
1t isn't. though local jeweler told
me the other day that the time ball was
worth several hundred dollars a year 10
him and asked him how.
why, tits simple" said he. "ss simple
as the problem OF two ana two. Goodness
knows how many thousand people watch
that ball drop every day at noon. and
not a single one OF all the number but
sets his watch on the dot. Now. setting
watch at least once in twenty-four
hours is not only bad for the watch. but
IL gets the owner into a frame OF mind
where he demands a variety of time ac-
curacy. day in and day out. that is pos
sessed by only the most expensive move
ments.
And so the watches come to us about
ten times a. frequently as otherwise they
would. See?''
1 never thought OF that Since this was
explained to me I've quit adjusting my
IRVING c. NORWOOD.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-29

that AL American army posts arc Hot-
beds of scandal" Going about here
since the tragic occurrence, I have not
been surprised to find that the people.
speaking generally. appear to place quite
implicit belief in these hideously unfair
statements Of the New York newspapers
about all American military posts being
.hotbeds of scandal This IL one Of
those grisly bromidioms that grow by ac
erection. You'll hear people talking about
military posts being hotbeds OF scandal
who know no more about the social life
81 American military posts than they
know about the armorial bearings of the
first families Of the planet Neptune; who
indeed. may not have set foot within the
precincts Of a military post more than
two or three times in their lives. Yester-
day I had talk with a Disguised army
offieer. stationed in this harbor, about the
matter.
Some years ago he said. IAN officer
stationed at Fort Mcpherson. the Atlanta
post, had some trouble with his wife.
There was nothing unusual about the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-29

babe. as they still forbid. us to enter into
controversies with civilians In respect OF
such matters. The entire country was
given the idea that We were bad. not
to say a vile, lot and that we ought to
be summarily punished for our misdeeds.
should like to have you tell me If there
could be a more unbearable situation than
that for decent men ana women to be
compelled to endure.
Some years before that rather a bad
state Of things existed at Fort Sheridan.
the Chicago post. There was shooting
affair there between couple of officers.
volved, and in addition to this. the COM
handing officer Of the post was at such
odds with the large force of enlisted men
under his command that the enlisted men
were on the point OF mutiny. Every Of
ficer then stationed at Fort Sheridan.
large post. and every woman of every.
officers family had to suffer the brunt
Of these circumstances the shoot
Ing affair involving the pair of officers
and the disaffection Of the enlisted men
owing to the martinetism Of the COM
manding OFFICER. 1t was broadly pointed
out all over the country that vice stalked
along officers row at Fort sheridan like
a sentinel on guard: that the 'pampered
officers and their wives habitually con-
Quoted themselves in a manner wholly in
disregard Of every conventional or even
decent canon; that drunkenness was ram
pant among men and women; gambling
the one best bet of all hands, and all
that sort Of thing.
mo use. however, in piling up instances
Every time any sort of q domestic en-
tangiement. whether 1t does or does not
involve a climatic tragedy, comes to light
In an American military post 1t is the
habit, the veritable accepted custom. for
the civilian world to launch these wretch
ed and utterly unfounded accusations at
all Of the officers. as we'll as their women
folk. living at the post where the domes-
tic difficulty crops out.
This sort of thing reminds me, in a
way, Of the babble and clatter, not to
speak of the usual ridiculous magnifying
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-29

through the pages. This doesn't argue,
think. that we're any more greedy for
money than other people. 1t merely
shows. in my opinion. that we're naturally
opulent-minded. If we can't be actually
opulent ourselves. why. then We like to
hear and read about folks who are; how
they got their riches. what they do with
their money, how they live. eat. dress.
recreate. behave or misbehave. An article
dealing with the characteristics or kinks
of wealthy persons always has an excel
lent chance Of acceptance. A short story
which hinges upon the inheriting or gain
ing or even the losing Of big money
nearly always wins its way into maya
zine type. providing it is decenty writ
zen.
Perhaps ! shouldn't have put In that
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-29

the same: We of the army are not dis
sipated lot, neither the men nor the women
of us. In the first place, speaking OF the
mea only, we haven't the time. The rou-
tine holds us too fast. When were not
routining we're doing heap of studying.
The army has changed nightly in respect
OF this matter of study during the past
ten years. The officer who wants TO hold
his own in the matter OF promotions these
days has got to apply himself or stand by
and see himself topped by others. or. in
deed. under the military regime OF recent
years find himself actually tossed into the
discard. l could take pencil and pad
and show you very easily ana truthfuliy
how 1 myself, after my many years or
service, have mighty little time outside of
my routine work except for getting the
amount Of sleep that is coming to me. and
quite often I don't get that. Moreover.
you may make reasonble guess AT IL
that we've got to keep our heads pessably
clear. even in piping times of peace. and
how could we do that IL We were pack
of Orgif1ers and jewellers and debauchees.
and so on? An officer can't soldier up to
the handle. as officers are obliged to SOL
dier in the United 81 ates army these days.
If they want to hold on to their berths
and at the same time engage In incessant
riOtous conduct. l should think common
sense would teach that.
I'm the second place. most Of us are
poor: poor as the devil. And it takes
money to dissipate doesn't II? I have
always understood that 1t does. Army OFF,
GERS and their families are. as a rule. as
poverty stricken a lot Of church mice as
the country holds. Not one In a handred
Of us has anything but his pay. You
know what our pay is-about the pay OF
head clerks Do head clerks figure in
riotious designations on their earnings?
Not that ever I heard Of. Taking US as
class, we're startlingly poor. Civilians
have no knowledge whatever Of the STRAITS
to which army Officers with families are
put In order to just get by as the saying
is. We don't starve. but we assuredly
scrimp and save The cost Of our uni
forms, borne by ourselves, makes deadly
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-29

that there are chickering's. gossipings. jeal-
ousies. social rumpuses and the like at
most American military posts can you
tell me where there is spot That counts
among it's inhabitants considerable mum,
Der of women who have not great deal
to do with their time. and where the men
themselves perforce fall into rut OF
routine that is bound to make every oay
q little bit duller than the day before
where there are not happenings or this
character? Take, for example. the aver
age high-grade summer resort-the sum-
mer resort OF the restricted sort-Where
mon and women must show credentials
before they are admitted TO the social lie
OF the place. Don't the chickering's and
the goseipipgs and the jealousies and the
rumpuses break out in these places!
Don't the women folk of such places In
evil; oily form into scrappy little cliaues!
Don't the men. passing their time at such
a place. get to picking on each other oc-
casionally? Don't a few of the men or
such a place drink or gamble too much
at times and get themselves into messes!
Doesn't a domestic row occasionally give
the people at such q place something 70
talk about and to null over?
II think 50. I know SO. And yet We
don't hear Of an entire resort like Lenox
or Tuxedo or Seabright being publicly in
dicted and held up to universal censure
places-and have only used the names OF
these places by way OF illustration-con-
duct themselves in an unseemly manner
why. them should all Of US at 4 military
post. which in respect Of its social life
closely resembles one OF these restricted
summer resorts to which advert. be bas-
tinadoed, and our women folks along with
US. merely because Capt. Jack For
tirjbras happens to drink too much red
liquor for his wifes liberation. or because
Mrs. Jack Fortinbras Is accused by her
husband rightfully or wrongfully, of be-
ing too firtatious with Capt. Scipio Caesar
Jones?
II am aware that fly In the teeth Of
every preconceived notion when say
what I am going to say, but say it al
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-29

of the slowly drawn out news. Now,
see here. Lafayette, / want you to look
me right in the eye. That's it. Now,
keep. right on looking at me that way.
I want to find out II you're drunk or
crazy. If you're drunk I'm going to
have you locked up in the caiaboose here.
where your have to work in the chain
gang for two or three months with lot
Of poor white trash. And IL you're era
~ I'm going to have you sent to the
nearest lunatic asylum just as fast as
you can be sent there. Now, you tell
me what ask you, dye hear? My
mother-in-law il dead. you say"
"She sho' am. suh." imperturbably re-
piled the old steward.
well. I don't know whether to be-
Heve you or not. It is all 80 terrific" said
the master. But why on earth was 1
not informed? Why did not my wife
rush a wire to me Instantly? What was
the cause Of my mother-in-law's death?
Tell me Quick!'
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-29

of the circumstances which ensue when
ever a clergyman finds himself in any sort
of mess. 1t is the plain truth: when
general public receives the news OF a
clergyman's moral downfall. not only
with every manifestation Of delight. but
in a spirit of positive gloatfulness. And
yet. considering how many clergymen
there are. and considering too the gen.
eral state of the world. the flesh and the
devil in the twentieth century, 1T IS
source of constant surprise to me that
more clergymen, who. after all. are mere
get themselves into trouble. There is
this keen difference, however, between the
general hubbub which follows the 'unmask-
ing of a fallen clergyman and the break
ing out of domestic or other russ az
military post. namely, that the clergyman
stands alone as q target for the shafts
Of his accusers, his wife and family evok-
ing the sympathy instead OF the attacks
of outsiders; whereas. the whole crew OF
officers at the military post. from the
n O.. down to the latest shave-tail lieu
tenant just from the Point. and the
women folk Of all of the officers have
to stand the racket when any occurrence
carrying with it even the suggestion OF
moral delinquency on the part merely Of
one man or one woman happens at q gar
rison.
II think the unfairness of this ought
to be too manifest to require any de-
army goes back to the time of the cam
paign against the Nez Perez Indians. no
inconsiderable period. seeing that am
not far from the retiring age. and have
done duty in posts. big and inconseouen-
tial scattered from sea to sea and from
the lakes to the gulf. not to mention sew
eral bits of soldering at insular posts.
and I can truthfully say that I never
buckled on belt in a post that was a
'hotbed of scandal or anything like It,
In fact. If do say so as shouldn't I am
strongly of the opinion that we're pretty
decent lot. taking us all together and
considering us from all angles. It IL true
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-29

circumstances of the case. 1t was the
sort OF marital tangle that was just as
liable to break out IN the civilian social
circles of Marietta. Ohio, or Ypsilanti.
Mich, as in a military post. 1t was
merely a case Of a pair Of young married
people being unable to put up with each
others idiosyncracies and of the public
getting hold Of uniquely distorted ac-
count of the business. Perhaps you re-
call the sensational stories which were
disseminated about the state Of things at
Fort Mcpherson at that time. 'Hotbed
of scandal wasn't a name for It, All Of
us at Fort McPherson-I was stationed
there at the time-were publicly accused
Of figuring almost nightly in orgies that
were described as veritable Heliogabalian
revels or worse. These out-of-hand state
ments. of course. had the effect of smirch-
ing. in the general view. the good name
OF every woman, married and unmarried,
at the Atlanta post. not to speak Of the
clout which was handed to the women's
men folk, the officers Of the garrison.
These accounts, of course, were the
most vicious nonsense. never was at
tached to a more circumspect army post
than Fort Mcpherson was at the exact
time when these contemplate stories were
circulated. 1t was so circumspect. in
truth that 1t was almost dull. Things
had so fallen out that nearly all Of the
officers and their wives then assembled
at Fort Mcpherson were quite rigid
church members-an unusual thing for a
post Of such a size. Almost state OF
social smugness prevailed there. The
chaplain came perilously close to ranking
the commanding officer as the main per-
sonage OF the post. Yet, when the spat
between the young ofhcer and his wife
occurred and the outside accounts Of the
affair Indignantly twisted. were put into
circulation we were pilloried as q pack
OF roysterers. defiant violators Of all the
social decencies. straightout debauchees.
In fact. We had no redress. We could
not make reply. Army regulations for
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-29

'yo' see yo alrs mothuh-in-law. she
couldn't telegram yo' all nuthin bout IT,
sub. She sho' couldn't"
MY mother-in-law couldn't telegraph
me anything about it?' said the master.
holly What in the Internal thunder do
you mean by that? Why couldn't my
mother-in-law have informed me OF this
terrible catastrophe?"
Because. subj" said the old steward
graphin'. She sho' wa'ant.'
Look a-here. Lafayette, IL you don't
stop this talking in riddles and tell me
what kept my mother-in-law from wiring
or writing me about this awful occur
renee I'll beat your black old head against
the wall. certainly will. Now. what
prevented my mother-in-law from letting
me know Of the burning Of my stables?"
well, suh," replied the steward, de
fact am. sub. dat she is done daid."
Dead! My mother-in-law dead"
gasped the Virginian, Keeling under all
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-29
O.. -2<<aH9aakFSMa% %

"She died o. shock suh.'' was the brief
reply Of the old black.
'Shock? Shock from what?' ex-
claimed the master mot from the
burning of my stables. certainly? She
wasn't so fond OF my horses as all that.
Then what shocked her to death?"
The old black sort Of sauirmed around
and paved over his hat and seemed
mighty reluctant to reply.
And" went on the master. with the
idea Of forcibly dragging the old darby
out Of his irritating taciturnity. what Is
the reason. I.repeat. that my wife didn't
wire me of this affair the very instant it
happened?"
well. sub. y'see. dey was good reason
wy she all didn't" replied the black.
in-law died o shock
II know you told me that" agonizedly
went on the master, land I've asked
you about nineteen million times what
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-29

family for many years.
couple of weeks after reaching the
mountain health resort the virginian was
greatly surprised one afternoon to see
the old negro steward trudging up to
the hotel from the station. with an old
glazed grip in his hand. He knew that
must have happened to fetch
the old black to see him from such a long
distance and when the steward clomped
up the hotel steps the Virginian nervously
asked him if anything had happened down
home.
"Nuthin' much. suh.'' replied the tact
turn old darky. 'Nuthin' much. 'ceptin'
yo' airs coon dawg. King James. is dead"
my best coon dog dead!" exclaimed the
master sadly frustrated by the news. for
the dog was his favorite canine. "Why.
see here, Lafayette, what In the wide
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-29

world killed King James,"
"Eatin boss meat. subj" was the brief
reply of the old steward.
Eating horse meat gasped the mas
ter Say. look here Lafayette what In
the devil do you mean? Since when have
the dogs on my place been fed horse
flesh? And where would there be any
horse flesh on my place, any way? Speak
up. man-don't keep me waiting
"well. sub. y'see' quietly replied the
old black. ''all yo' airs stables done
buhned down. an all de- bosses was
roasted. an dat's how de dawg he done
got { eatin' hess meat
Great heavens. Lafayette. do you know
what you are saying!' moaned the mas
ter "AIl OF the stables burned down and
all OF my horses burned in them? Man.
alive, why didn't / hear OF this awful
happening before? Why didn't my wife,
or her mother. or yourself. or somebody
wire me about it?"
well, suh,' answered the old darby,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-29

kind OF a shock 1t was that killed her?'
"Well. suh.'' said thu old steward. 1t
sho' was some shock an no mistake"
eff you say that again." blurted out
the master. without telling me the ma
ture OF the shock that killed her. I'll
break every bone in your black carcass.
Lafayette"
well. sub, den." said the old black
steward. at length driven into a corner.
''yo' aIrs mothuh-in-law died o shock
on account O yo' all's wife, Missy
Gwendoline. a-runnin' off wit dat Irish
coachman whut yo all brung down FUN
Moo Yawk las yeah
That's all.
It's purely a farcical example of how
stories are uncoiled backward. But the
writer hereof could quite easily point out
about forty of the six best sellers of the
period that narrate their narratives in
just about the same crab-like, hind-end-
in-front manner.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-29

him any good. He's incurable. He's got
the habit. So We don't expect just because
We tell about him to see him turn around
and behave that chaw -chawing about his
domestic affairs. But We guess we can
talk. can't We? Yes, We so guess. There
fore
Well, you know him all right. Usually
he's a peeve. Now it's bad enough to be
just a peeve; but when. in addition to
being that a man il addicted to the gas
house habit OF making, or trying to
make. you and me and everybody else
he's acquainted with-of trying to make
US listen to his line Of south breeze about
those troubles of his up at the fat or the
house, or whatever the snare where he
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-29

experimental with a gold-silver coin.
Five hundred of them were struck or
Goldoid dollars they were called-and
went into circulation. There's a pre-
The goldoid dollar wouldn't do, how
ever. as the alloy of gold. silver and
copper, of which 1t was composed. tar
nished easily and had a brassy sheen
even when new. 1t was pretty coin.
about the size of a half-dollar piece.
but with the full dollars worth of value
in 1t. If it had gone through the size
of the half dollar would have been cor
respondingly reduced, and cart-whee1
money would have been relegated to
the junk department of the public ex-
chequer.
TITS of singular joyousnessnessness
that Harry Maynard, the fat per-
son who represents the second district
of Virginia in the House of Representa-
tives. has been renominated. 'Tis of a
particular OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES, because.
according to Mr.. Maynard, he came near
getting the hook on account Of a story
published here I'm town just before Con-
gress adjourned that he had been seen
wearing a red vest
It seems ridiculous that so enlightened
constituency as that Of the second
district-it should be enlightened even II
it isn't-should paw the air and stand
on its hind legs at the mere idea that
it's representative in Congress had but
toned himself into loud waistcoat. But.
according to reports. that's about what
happened.
Trouble was, Mr.. MayhSrd's record was
clean against him. Most Of the time he
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-29

water bag and the cook book. would have
had the shock of his young life If he'd
been roaming over the Chevy Chase golf
links the other afternoon. 1t was just be-
tween holes. so to speak, and very few
folks were on the links. when sduatty.
sober-faced Chinaman. Juggling a tissue
wrapped bundle bigger than himself. hop
ped off Tenleytown line car and made
for the putting green of the umpteenth
hole OF course a couple. of the curious
followed along.
Said Chinaman having arrived at the
chosen spot, he kicked a couple Of bogies
;out of the way and sat down. And such
Ia weird and wonderful conglomeration of
bamboo and tissue came out of that
bundle Twas for all the world like one
Of those NEST" things the Chinese make
that grow in the accepted ratio Of a hum
dred to one. And II was quite q while be-
fore a single interested spectator dis
covered that the bamboo tissue affair was
kite.
And such a kite! When the celestial
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-29

IS, and then there's
the man that tells
his family trou-
bles down town.
Let's get out the
little old mal1et
and knock of n
few hunks of his
exposed surface.
He needs mallet-
ing. Not that the
rat tat tat
thing ever does
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-29

fERICANS a re
fond Of reading
about moneyed
folks" said a
man who con-
ducts a monthly
magazine. That's
why we give them
so much stuff,
fact and fiction,
that has the
sound OF big
m o n ey jingling
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-29

SRE'S a sort Of a
back = end = fore
m o o t .hasherino
that's going the
dog-day rounds.
A Virginian, a
man of wealth and
the owner of q
handsome estate,
was taken with
de misery in de
haid" or some
thing. and his
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-29

medical man chased him to the mountains
to get his health fixed up. He went to
the mountains alone, leaving his wife
and mother-in-law on the estate, in the
general care of an old and taciturn negro
steward who had been in the Virginia
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-29

. ~ " e>"S
murder business,
besides producing
the usual amount
of n q u s e a ting
drivel in the
pages Of the New
Y o r k saffron
esQues. brought
out. as might have
been expected. the
onhand newspa-
per CO m m e n {