Daily press. [volume] (Newport News, Va.) 1896-current, 1908-04-01

" h'h ~ Gun 10 S'HNi' i'"'
| It's choice o. FISH er fever
IL you're sick 10 out AN play
Where tn zephyrs sor, o cool We.
by tn brook's glad roundelay.
| Where tn buds is Dustin eager
| And IN pasquo Hover mods its blue,
| You WIN nnd a brach' tonic
| Thatll put new life in you,
Breathe 1t In. b'gosh. an sniff It.
! I'm yer lungs an run and shout.
| It's elixir OF the country.
And It knocks I'll fever out!
Drugs nor nothln' else won't touch it
You have Got L steal away
| Where tn zephyrs sort o. cool ye.
| by tn brooks glad roundelayl
600
Old Man Haskins.
Old man Haskins knew what was
the matter with his pretty daughter,
but Mrs. liaslSns was not 80 penetra,
! tive AT any rate, Florentla WAS all
| run down" and nervous. She screamed
when the cat jumped off the chair be.
hind her, WAS afraid OF burglars aud
moths and wept dolefully when the
Italian peanut peddler went by with
| his shrill steam whistle
II was when Old Man Haskins paid
his gas bill that the light OF intell.
gence penetrated his head convolu.
! lions and put him next" as the
slang parlance is.
Then he recalled several little Incl.
dents along about midnight and 2 a III.
that heretofore had merely disturbed
called ON the young mans father I'm,
lnedlately and. incidentally, that Is
why after II solemn conclave. there
WAS much chuckling on the part OF
two old crones and a glass or two OF
something old from the cob-webby re
gion underneath the residence.
The young man was much surprised
next morning to receive sudden sum.
mons from the head OF the firm &c
so 10 distant state for n month.
There were tears and more nervous.
ness up at Haskins' house that night,
but he went. at last just ms the chick
ems were Growing for poets sun
rise.
When he arrived day later at
s. and received among seven LEI.
ters from Florentia. one in bold.
business-like hand, the cruel wretch
opened that first This is what 1t
said:
My Dear hoy:
Il have Just been wondering II young
people don't have 1t worse now than
they did when | was In my adolescent
agee
Anyhow. the gas bills seem to be
larger!
lyon will be absent month. your
father tells me- during which time |
hope to keep Florentin in bed most OF
the time. calculate she will be about
even II she snoozes twent.two hours
day for thirty days!
During this time. also, have ar.
ranged to have your bed moved from
your fathers house to our house,
and will speak to the county clerk
about the license that he may know
when he sees you coming what 1t Is
you want most on earth. and not sub.
jugate YOU to embarrassment
AS have no particular objection
to you as son.in-law, and expect to
feather your nest slightly until you
have given evidence OF desiring to
move TO ono of your own. hope. III
the future. that you will, out of re.
spect for me, be llttle more careful
of the gas.
III have to marry my daughter to
rescue her from being loved to death.
| am your future and atfectionate
father.in.lRw,
JASPER HASKiNS.
"Wel. I'll he--." but the young
man didn't finish the sentence. on
the contrary ne walked down to the
I telegraph office and wired Florentia:
Home on the midnight express.
Meet me,'
When Old Man Haskins saw the
he finished the aforest ID ejaculation
and then hurried dowyi TO the county
clerks office on important business.
600
Classified.
Irate Citizens. to Judge--"He called
me boiled iobster!'
Judge, cycling prisoner carefully
I'm fine him $40. / don't see anything
boiled about you!"
9-9S0
Mieht-Have-Been CONGREGATIONS.
note by one of my exchanges that
another of those coniiagra ions which
might have proved On" OF the worst
10 the city's history" again has been
ayerted.
900
Yepi
II takes more than one electric fan
to make an early aummer.