davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-04-19
How It Works Out.

Il never tell funny stories in my
speeches" remarked Senator Sorghum.
The audience always enjoys them"
Yes. A man hears you tell a funny
story and he thinks it is 30 good he
tries to remember it. He regards you
as first-rate fellow. and feels thankful
to you for giving him a new one. Then
he tells it to the first friend Ire meets.
and as he isn't good story teller the
friend doesn't laugh. Then he tries it
on the blase hotel clerk. and the stolid
drug store man. and several others and
by the time he gets home he concludes
you have passed him a gold brick. He
not only refuses to vote for You. but
tells all his friends he doesn't think
it's dignified to keep in office a man
who tells funny stories"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-04-19

has sharply emphasized the urgent neces-
sity Of concerted action throughout this
country in favor OF good roads. Our
highways are at present disgrace to
us as civilized people. We boast of
our advancement, when We cannot send
a motor car. the highest type of our me-
chanical~ development today, 500 miles
without being mired helplessly. WASH
ington, for an example, Ii virtually iso-
lated from the north. the south and the
west. as regards the ordinary roads OF
travel Heavy teams can make their way
through over long distances, but with the
greatest difficulty
Motoring to Washington should be one
of the most delightful pGstimes OF those
with the leisure to travel about the eoun-
try in this manner. But 1t is no 1dIe
task. It is an achievement. triumph
of patience and mechanical construction.
Only the more intrepid motorists under
take 1t. save those who venture without
asking the way. There should be q ROAD
between this city and New York 50 we'll
built and well maintained that good
car could make the run easily In a day
and q half without pushing at any stage.
Such q road would cost money, but 1t
would pay quickly. 1t now takes at least
four days, unless the car is raced re-
CARELESS of safety.
Those who use the roads always note
the difference in the appearance of the
country when the highways improve or
deteriorate in quality. Moving through
muddy. treacherous road. the traveller
sees on either hand the signs Of indif-
ferent management. Passing thence into
the region Of the well constructed mac
adam pike with evidences of constant.
intelligent repairing. no imagination Is
required to discern the tokens of pros
perity and progressiveness. 1t is always
interesting to the traveller by road to
ponder whether the good road is the cause
or the effect of the prosperity which Is
always SO abundantly visible on every
hand. Certainly the good road enables
the farmer to do hisi work with less
labor, saves his stock. increases his profits
and adds to his net. income II he hauls
his goods to market. That is demon
strable fact. The poor road discourages
settlers Of the better sort, gives the land
the aspect Of neglect and disbursement
and, in short, stamps the region with the
sign of shiftlessness or poverty.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-04-19
Applause in the Senate.

The Hartford Courant, in some observa-
tions on the applause In the Senate gal
leries at the conclusion Of Mr.. Foraker
Brownsville speech and the failure of the
Vice President to do more than warn the
offenders. many Of whom were negroes.
says:
I'VE do not recall any occurrence like
that in the chamber since the winter OF
1861. On the earlier occasion referred to,
the offenders against the Senate's rules
and dignity were white men. They de
family applauded after they had been ad-
monished to keep still. and some of them
Missed the Immediate order to the SER
geant-at-arms to clear the galleries.
There was man in the Senate's chair
that day who knew why he was there
and had the courage of his duty. vainly
one senator and another tried to inter-
pose and intercede. The man in the chair
said he would recognize nobody. hear no
motion. entertain no business of any
sort. until the galleries were empty and
whats more. he didn't. His order
was executed. The disorderly spectators
who had insulted the Senate were driven
from its chamber--the last man of them.
Mr.. Fairbanks is made of milder stun. 1t
appears"
on, come. now. You are not familiar
with the Senate. The date you give
shows that you are away behind the
times. Any Washingtonian can give you
numerous instances. many of them within
the last decade, when the occupants of
the Senate galleries broke into loud ap-
plause under the inspiration of orators OF
power handling themes of great public
interest. 1t was against the rules. and
the presiding officer each time warned the
offenders. but went no further.
Manners in the Senate, both upstairs
and down. have changed since the early
days. Some senators deplore 1t. They
would hold the body to its august char
acter and traditions. They would even
call back the old senatorial garb to go
along with the old senatorial dignity.
They are the ones who frown upon any
show Of feeling. one way or the other, by
visitors in attendance on the proceedings.
In q measure they are right. The Sen
ate is recognized as tho sedate and DELHI
crate house Of Congress. and it, manners
and the manners prescribed by it for WIS.,
itors should accord with its reputation. If
visitors enjoy turbulence and rough-and-
tumble. and would manifest their feel
ings. there is the House always on view.
and always entertaining on field days.
Still, human nature being what 1t Is. it
is not in the power even of the Senate in
these altered times to control throng OF
persons wrought upon by eloquence. The
orator. despite all rules. will have his
innings. And IL to eloquence he adds
personal popularity in a cause he has
made his own. the effect is bound to be
profound.
It is but fair to Mr.. Foraker to say that
he made no play to the galleries" by
his manner of delivery, and but fair to
Mr.. Fairbanks to say that he went as far
as in the circumstances there was any
good reason for him to 60.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-04-19

The most exciting time we know
At home on sunday morning,
And keeps us all upon the 60.
All other duties srorning.
Occurs about the hour OF ten.
When. solemn faced and grave.
Our father yawns aud stretches, then
We know he's goin' TO shave.
And when he cuts himself, o my:
There's trouble in the air.
Then every one Of us must hy,
For father will declare:
This wouldn't happen IL you'd make
Those noisy kids behave
o. yes. II makes us youngsters quake
When father starts TO shave.
We know the dangers over when
Upon the door be knocks:
And mother goes TO him again
With powder puff and box
Though generally he let's us shirk.
One hour We must be grave.
For each OF us has got to work
When father starts to shave.
Philadelphia Inquirer.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-04-19
johnson and Expediency.

The Chicago Evening Post is not I'M
pressed with the Minnesota anti-Bryan
offering. Hear it:
Mr.. johnson comes among us frankly
proclaiming that he stands for nothing
more than availability and expectancy. IL
ne shall be considered the best man
through whom the democrats are to be
nut into Office, why, he'll run: that's all.
We are able to get from him no deciara-
ton of how his convictions differ from
those of Mr.. Bryan; we can OBTAIN no
indication of a belief that morals have
anything to do with the presidency. A
platform, of expediency may nominate
Gov. johnson. but it is our earnest be-
lief that 1t can never elect him.
Well, all honor to Gov. johnson for his
frankness Expediency is his role. He
has no convictions which would interfere
with an acceptance by him of the Den
yer nomination on any platform. Make
the platform all Organism. and Gov.
johnson will stand on 1t. Make 1t such
a deliverance as Grover Cleveland could
accept. and Gov. johnson will accept It,
His strengthen that word may be prop
eriy employed-lies in his adjustability.
This looks a little odd. and largely as
the result of Mr.. Bryan's leadership of
his party. The Nebraskan has been SO
clear and downright in his deliverances
that he has made shutting questionable.
He has convictions. and does not care for
Office except as means of applying them
to the affairs of the country. His candor
and his courage are at once his strength
and his weakness.
But before Mr.. Bryan's day there were
some striking exhibitions of shutting. The
tariff at that time was the great issue.
Protection was the republican cry. and
multiplication the democratic cry. Mr..
. Cleveland. then in the White House,
pitched the campaign of 1883 In the key
of free trade by his message to Congress.
and then tried to change the key. In
1892 the Cleveland men controlled the
tional convention and reported a milk-and
water tariff deliverance. which was en-
tireiy acceptable to their chief. But the
convention rejected 1t. and framed one of
a pronounced free trade character, and
Mr.. Cleveland accepted that.
The Chicago Post is probably right. how
ever. in the belief that colorless, though
skfllful. shuffler is not the man for this
year. Mr.. johnson cannot be both for
Mr.. Bryan and against him. He has put
himself out of the running as an anti
Bryan man by expressing the heartiest
admiration of the orator Of the Platte,
and rs a Bryan disciple by winking at the
maneuvering going on in his name for the
overthrow of Mr.. Bryan and all for which
the latter stands. He will be as impossi-
BILE at Denver. as later. If nominated. he
would be at the polls.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-04-19

According to q report filed with the
Commissioners. thirty-two insanitary and
unsightIy buildings were RACED in this
city during the month Of March. under
the orders Of the board organized to direct
this necessary work. Since January /
more than 100 such structures have been
Destroyed. Since the board was created.
less than two years ago. nearly 1000
Buildings have been either brought up
to sanitary standard under orders of this
board or have been destroyed upon re-
fusa! to make needed repairs.
This Is q vitality important work, and
it is gratifying to find that the board
is proceeding vigorously with its execu-
ton. For years Washington has suffered
in reputation from the appearance, upon
ever, its most prominent thoroughfares.
of shacks which would discredit a coun-
try town. But its health has suffered
more seriously through the lack of means
to compel the owners of alley tenements
and other dwellings to bring their prop
erty up to the point of sanitation required
by the needs Of the community. The
law creating the insanitary buildings
board supplied the lack. and the health
of the District has been improved many
Per cent in consequence.
In q few cases the board has been
obstructed in its work by obdurate own
ers who have succeeded in persuading the
courts that the orders issued were I'M
warranted by the conditions. Inasmuch
as the board is composed of officials
traired in their respective lines. whose
interest is solely the preservation of the
city's health and the maintenance of de-
cent standards of appearance, the pre-
sumption should always be that their
mandates are reasonable. with the burden
Of proof upon those who are cited to
correct faults and change conditions or
suffer the demolition of the structures.
There has in the past been a lamenta-
bic degree of laxity on the part Of prop
erty owners. especially those who own
tenernents in the alleys. So long as the
walls would hold together a structure
was regarded as fit for human halbita-
ton. Fortunately. this conception of the
owners responsibility has been set aside
and . new idea has gained currency, that
each citizen owes something to the COM
munify at large and to those whom he
secures as tenants for his property. In
order to enforce this responsibility the
municipal government must have power
to act in case of delinquency. At the
present rate of progress it will not be
long before the nuisances in the District
have been abated and the sanitary
standards set in accord with the new
view OF human necessities are established
in full force in every part of the capital
area.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-04-19

The icebergs are drifting.
The north pole is shifting.
And how shall We fence In the zones:
Those absorbing topics,
The lively old tropics.
Are feeling q chill in their bones.
The circling equator.
A hot q crater.
No longer the center doth grace:
The icebergs are drifting.
The north pole Is shifting.
There's scarcely a thing In its place.
Cleveland Plain DealGG
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-04-19
VARIOUS VERSES
ON TIMELY TOPICS
THE CHARITABLE:

They passed the hat. II made some flinch
Who rather 20 their own would clinch,
And almost tended to disturb
Them they'd mutter low q verb
Improper, squeezed By such a winch.
II seemed To be some kind If inch,
Impressed for duty I'm . pinch
With fruits and flowers and an herb
They passed the hat.
But. nathless. though IL made them finch.
And give an ELL who'd grudge an inch,
The thing was really quite superb.
And so by edging toward the curb
And steering wide in that close pinch,
They passed the hat.
indianapolis News.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-04-19
FIFTY YEARS AGO
IN THB STAR

Just half q century ago Washington en-.
joyed q brief season OF grand opera. n
now. And then. ~ now.
Opera there WAS complaint about
the prices exacted by the
management. The scale ran
as follows: Private boxes. dress circle
tier. $40 per night. or >06 for four perform
ances: boxes. lower tier. $12 per night or
$40 per series: orchestra seats, 8 and
so: dress circle and parqueete. number
ed. 81 and IS. The New York manager
wrote letter to The Star in the issue OF
April ID:
THE difference between the prices
charged in Washington and here at the
Academy OF Music is but so cents. When
the size of the Washington theater and
the additional expense Of travel are con-
sidered. I think this difference con hard
ly be deemed unreasonable. The price OF
the proscenium boxes here and at Wash
ington Is the same. Then what would
be the price charged at any European
capital on any ordinary night-say. for
instance in London? For parauette. with
out reserved seat, $2.75: for orchestra
chairs. $3.50; for hrst-tier boxes. $780,
and on great occasions these prices have
been doubled. The cost of the four nights
of opera at washington will be. at the
lowest, $1,000 night. supposing the
house full every night. the receipts can
barely cover this amount. / trust, there
fore. the ladies and gentlemen who have
been good enough to patronize the Wash
ington Theater will see that It would be
impossible to afford them opera at a low
pate no profit. My sole object in the en-
gagement Is to fulfill faithfully the prom
Use made at the opening Of the season in
my name"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-04-19

Pat McCarren having been thrown out
of the democratic organization proposes
to throw the Organization out Of ITSELF
Thus he perpetuates the tradition that
there is always something doing in New
York politics.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-04-19

A French scientist has discovered that
fat men walk with a strut. because OF
their adipose tissue. This is worthy OF
an elevation to the Academy. Next we
will have the announcement that tall
people take long steps because of the
length Of their legs, and that will call for
q decoration.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-04-19
fISHERMAN'S LUCK

The fact he caught no 6sh at all
Does not distress him much;
Upon bad luck of such a kind
He is not apt to touch.
The fisherman will raise his voice
Lamenting all the day.
And tell Of how. despite his pains,
The big one got away.
Although TO catch necessities
We some of us may fail.
We pass such things in silence b.,
Nor stop to tell the tale.
Thus in the bigger ses of life
We find that IL Is so:
The whoppers that we never got
Comprise our tale OF woe.
New yogk -
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-04-19
THE SICK DEMOCRAT.

I saw nv doctor yesterday.
Your trouble. sir" said he.
SIS mental and not physical
You need society;
..Compa ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS lonely;
In politics take part:
The members OF your party
Should cheer your lonely heart"
Said /. II can't find any,"
Said doctor: How is that
| sighed and turned my face away;
II am a democrat"
New York Tines
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-04-19

The agreement whereby 100000 coal
miners are to return to work Monday
materially simplifies the problem OF the
unemployed in the affected district. It
means that probably one million individ-
uals will be supplied with the necessities
Of life instead Of suffering the pangs of
hunger
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-04-19

Mr. Bryan sailies forth into the "ene-
my's country undismayed by the lack
of dinner invitations and convention in
dorsements, indicating a cheerfulness Of
disposition that entities him to the presi-
dency Of the Optimists' Club Of America.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-04-19

Almost Easter-let US beg
For all the joys the time allots Us:
Hail. vari-colored Easter egg
Hail. matzoths!
Hail also. We wide spreading hats.
Hail luetrous id-and what can dim TT
Hail merry widow bonnet that's
The limito.
Hall every one. matter who
Or whom-hail rain! Chats almost witty)
Hail. Joyous Easter-welcome to
Our city!
Cleveland Leader.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-04-19
Erudition Not Insisted q,

Erudition Not Insisted On.
Does our candidate know all about
the constitution?
NO." answered Farmer Corntossel. II
don't insist on a mans knowing all
about the constitution. Sometimes
KNOWN all about the constitution
doesn't seem to do much for a man ex-
cept make him talkative."
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-04-19

The wise base ball managers will des-
ignate certain days for the entertainment
Of the wearers of merry widow hats, with
a section Of the stand to themselves, thus
giving them a chance to see how it il
themselves
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-04-19
Tho Donor.

No studious toll for me, l vow.
Great books? do not need en-.
Free libraries l will endow
That other men may read EN-.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-04-19

1t is now reported that former Judge
Parker will refuse to 60 to Denver as
one OF New Yorks big four" Is that
bee still buxztng?
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-04-19

1t is said that the bookmakers at Ben
ming failed to make expenses during the
recent race meet because Of slack busi-
ness. That means fewer bad debts than
usual owing to the corner grocerymen in
Washington this spring.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-04-19

Representative Lilley is assuredly MAX
ing enough of a disturbance in the House
to indicate that he 10 far from being a
toll not member Of the family.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-04-19

The Japanese invasion Of Washington
has produced a much smaller crop of
spy stories than was to have been ex-
pected
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-04-19

Householders should postpone their
spring fever till the back yard has been
cleaned up.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-04-19

Mr.. Bryan's insistence upon instructed
delegations Indicates that nothing will
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-04-19

The Chinese are becoming as famous
for the production Of boycotts as for chop
suey.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-04-19
SHOOTING STARS,
By PHrLANDER JOHNSON.
Appearances.

You can't judge by appearances"
said the serious youth.
NO" answered the frivolous person;
ITS impossible to realize how absurd
the clothes that are fashionable this
season may look a few years from
now
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-04-19
Licensing
Measure.

Licensing placed him in sympa.
r. thetic touch with the en-
tire liberal party. The
bill. 1t may be added. has not the slight
est chance Of passing, but it is what the
French term throwing powder in the
eyes Of the people" what we call in
America applying salve to the party
ITO summon q great industry 0he liquor
trade)." says the National Review. (which
has been pampered by parliament for
several hundred years. in which several
hundred of millions of innocent money
have been invested, to put up the shut
tiers in fourteen years, as proposed, may
be magnificent. but 1t is not polite. The
bye-election at Peckham. where liber-
al majority of 1888 at the general cleo
ton Of two years ago has been converted
into q minority of 2.494. gives us the
Of the licensing bill"
Mr.. AsQuith on the one hand has quiz
eted the nerves and sensibilities of his
party. Mr.. Morley on the other has
thrown an anchor to wfndward by be-
coming peer.
1t IL simply speculation to forecast the
result Of these political moves. They are
interesting and instructive because they
teach US that. after all. we have invented
little that IL new In political methods. 1t
ID certain. however. that the moderate
elements will form separate group in
the house. while the radical elements will
separate and form perhaps a more solid
union with the extreme socialist left.
Thus there will be in the house Of COM
mons three great groups-conservative
unionists, moderate liberals and radical
socialists. It Is thus too early in the life
Of the present cabinet to forecast it's sue
cess or Its failure. The adjusting of the
sails Of the ship to profit by the wind
that In blowing now shows that the man
on the bridge is good navigating Of
ficer.
The official announcement Of the new
cabinet. its principal officers. is made as
follows: Herbert Henry Asquith, prime
minister and first lord of the treas
ury: David Lloyd George. chancel-
Tor of the excheQuer; Winston Spencer
Churchill. president of the board of
trade; Walter Runciman. president of
the board Of education: Earl of Crewe,
secretary Of state for the colonies: John
Morley. secretary of state for India: Reg
inald Mckenna. first lord of the ad-