davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1908-07-05

any excuse" interrupted Rhadamanthus
triumphantly. 'fot going over TO the other
party. Heaven is state that disposss
OF a persons troubles by kindly taking
away the better half"
Z seer' ! exclaimed with sudden com
prehension, ITS something like Dakota,
isn't It"
His honor frowned.
There are no lawyers here" he an
swered severely. "and no fools,"
Fools I glanced up inquiringIy.
People explained Rhadamanthus,
who wear themselves 10 a fraZzle IN
tangling the matrimonial knot. merely
for the sake OF tying themselves up
again; people who don't know when they
are lucky; burnt children who don't dread
the fire; imbeciles who can't tell when
they've got enough"
"Or when 10 come in out Of the matrI-
monial rain I put in fippantly.
'Or 10 have done with folly" added
Rhadamanthus. "and matrimOny What
is it. he continued musingly, about one
! cocktail that always makes a man want
another the moment he has swallowed II
I and about one woman that always makes
him want another the moment he has
| gotten rid Of her?"
Il don't know" / returned. 'funless it's
habit-or love Of variety or homeopathy. "
'What?"
The idea that like cures like" 1 ex-
planned IF one cocktail gives a man a
! headache, he wants another 10 make him
! forget IL. and If one woman makes him
/ unhappy. he thinks that another may-oh
well. it's just like changing bundle from
your right hand 10 your left, and doing
your hair on top Of your head TO relieve
/ the pain at the back Of your neck and
| longing for a storm to make you forget
the heat Of the sun and for sunshine to
dry things up after the storm and
| Exactly" broke in Rhadamanthus
"and you can readily see how we couldn't
have anything Of that sort here"
But what do you do If a case like that
gets in?" I inquired anxlously.
1--WE prescribe bottled Lethe water" re-
turned Rhadamanthus promptly.
Il beg your pardon"
"I suppose you know" said Rhadaman-
thus, that one draught of Lethe water
will drown mans memory and wipe out
his recollections.
i've seen one draught do that" 1 &C
quiesced modestly. But II wasn't Lethe-
nor water. 1t was"
But at this moment there was a pound
ing on the door. and a tall angular Shad,
entered and walked straight TO the pris
oner's bar. His face was haggard and hi
eyes roalned restlessly from the LITTLE
The Washington herald., 1908-07-05
By HELEN ROWLAND.

II want TO interview st. Peter" re-
marked to the editor the other morning
That parsonage looked up from his stub
pen and glue pot and took me in with a
slow, scornful smile from the top OF my
thirty-two-inch hat to the hem Of my
pique skirts.
''Nonsenser' he laughed mockingly.
You never could get in
L don't want to get in-yet," returned
boldly. II want TO find out"
"What?"
why there Is no marrying in Heaven." "
The editor. who has a wife himself. put
down his glue pot wearily.
''The answer" he said with bitter irony,
IS very easy. Most anybody could
tell"
"Of course" I interrupted hastily. But
you know how this paper demands infor-
nation from headquarters and authorita-
tive statements and"
"All right" broke in the editor des-
perately. Go ahead. But don't try ST.
Peter. Get Judge Rhadamanthus on the
phone"
Judge Rhadamanthus?
He was the original gatekeeper 10 the
Elysian Fields" explained the editor
"and what he doesn't know about people
isn't worth printing. Besides, he's always
willing TO talk for publication. Now he
off with you" and he returned once more
TO his task OF making one stick OF Joke
fill two sticks Of space.
Il declarer exclaimed Rhadamanthus
glancing nervously up at me over his
spectacles as 1 slipped past the door
keeper and nudged his elbow. There's
no keeping you worhen out Of this court.
room. Your curiosity is something colos
sal"
Now. your honor" interrupted
sweetly. laying my hand gently on his
coat sleeve. Il didn't come 20 see IN,
courtroom. l came to see you. The Daily
Fidget wants 10 know why there is M
marrying in heaven and why"
zone question at a timei One question
at a time!" cried Rhadamanthus testify
There is no marriage in heaven. m!
dear young lady" he continued gravel!
IA his big base voice. because there Il
no heaven in marriage
1 withdrew my hand from his s.seve ant
looked at the judge coldly.
The Washington herald., 1908-07-05
udge RadamantuS Tells Why There Is No Marrying in Heaven

That's an epigramr' I said very re-
proachfully.
us it?" his honor looked delighted at
the accusation. "Ah, well" he continued.
thawing visibly. TO be serious. then. OF
course there is no marriage in heaven
just as there are no janitors and no
smallpox and no frecrackers and no auto
mobiles and no murderers in the first
degree and no mosquitoes. Elysium. my
dear child Is the headquarters OF happi-
ness"
Not" I TetOrted taking seat beside
his desk and getting out my notebook.
''if II is the headquarters Of old maids
and old bachelors. They're the most un-
happy people in the world"
II didn't say" returned Rhadamanthus
impatiently, that there were no married
people in heaven. They all come here"
"Why?" 1 inquired dropping my pencil
in surprise. Because-they-need the
rest 2''
mo: because they deserve it" rejoined
| his honor. iecisively.
OH picked up my pencil and wet II
thoughtfully. But don't they ever meet
one another-husbands and wives.
mean?"
Very seldom" he answered with a
grin. IF they see each other first, and
then only in the most formal manner, as
| they would In other peoples parlors or at
an afternoon tea OF a theater party.
! There is none Of that sweet intimacy here
that breeds contempt and interference
and quarrels and divorces. Every man
here has his own chiffonier drawer, his
private latchkey, the right 10 open his
letters first. the last word If he likes it.
! the right TO part mis- hair on either side
4 or both IL he wants to, the right to put
his feet on the divan and smoke all over
the house, TO come in th0ut beine
questioned and to 90 out as ofteu and
for as long as he likes. TO wear a red
necktie and spotted socks. and use ans
form Of grammar that comes easiest with
as many as four negatives I'm a fsentence!'
and RhaGamanthus brought his fist dowr
firmly on his desk.
That" 1 said Indignantly, doesn't
leave woman any rights at ALL" and ]
closed my notebook with a snap
Wait msmentr' cried Rhadamanthu.
anxiously. II don't want any one-sideC
statements published or this matter
Every woman in ElysiUm has the rlch'
10 take her breakfast in bed. indulge in 3
headache as often as she finds II con
venient wear curl papers round the hous,
all morning, fill as ElanY closets as sh,
needs with her clothes eat deadly lookinl
bonbons' instead OF regular meals. begin
The Washington herald., 1908-07-05
Poor Blood.

Hopeful-To improve the condition OF
your skin I would advise you first 10 get
good tonic for your blood and take Il
regularly. Taking a dose one day and not
taking any for the next two or three DAYS
will do you no good whatever, Along with
the internal treatment ii will be helpful
TO try some external means to get rid Of
the blemishes.
Battle the face in hot water, then steam
it over a basin OF boiling water. After
drying the skin apply a good cream. The
following recipe will make up into a
splendid face cream. White wax, two
ounces; spermacet. two ounces; sweet
almond oil. twelve ounces: distilled water
two ounces; glycerin, two ounces; salicylic
acid ninety grains
The Washington herald., 1908-07-05

a novel at the last chapter. peroxide her
hair, powder her nose. and wear a dress
with two rows OF buttons up the back
and no criticisms allowed" "
but" 1 objected. slightly inonifed
"thosn are all such little things"
My dear. said Rhadamanthus. leaning
over confidentially. ITS the little things
that make marriage heaven or-er-the op-
posite. Any two people could get along
fairly comfortable If they had nothing but
each others morals to put up with. Hap
pinesS doesn't depend half so much on
whether a husband keeps the Ten Com
mandments and goes TO church regularly
as on whether he keeps a pretty stenogra-
pher and comes home to dinner regu-
larly; nor on whether a wife holds lofty
ideals and how she does her duty as on
whether she can hold a servant and how
she does her hair for breakfast. A thief
or a murderer can make his wife fairly
happy if he will be on time for his meals
and can come home without a crouch and
get up In the morning without a growl
and put up the portieres with pleasant
smile. ~ A Jezebal can make her h;S5and
think himself a lucky man. II she will
forebear banking his trousers upside down
on chair so that the things fall out o.
the pockets
And giving away his Clothes" I put in
before he is through wearing them"
And questioning him about where hC
spends his time and his money
And commenting on his collars
And counting the number of cigars ht
smokes per day"
And correcting him in public
And keeping tab on his engage
ments-"
And going through his pocketboolI-'
| And tagging along when he goes fish
| ing"
And prying open his mall"
And calling him up at the office
And picking imaginary flaws in hi
character"
And imaginary hairs off his Goa
lapel. finished Rhadamanthus "Ba(
morals,' he continued gravely. "are lik,
lions and tigers. terrible, but rather rar,
nowadays; bad manners are like gnats
! not dangerous. but so annoying witt
their petty little stings that they usual!
end by driving man out OF the hous'
for relief and
YES" I broke In sarcasticaliy. "I'v
noticed that a man whom Wild horses
couldn't drag from the path of duty an,
honor and virtue before marriage can b.
driven straight to perciuon afterward b,
the touch of a feather or a manicure,
finger nail. It's such a good excuse
And we don't give our members her
The Washington herald., 1908-07-05
Orange-fIower Skin Food

Queenic-Hcre is the recipe for the
orange-fower cream. This cream is ex-
cellent for improving the condition Of the
skin. making it smooth and clear: Oil
Of sweet almonds. four ounces; white
wax, six drains; spermaceu. six drains;
borax. two drains; glycerin, one and a
half ounces; orcnge-hower water. two
ounces; oil Of neroli. fifteen drops. oil of
bigarade (orange skim. fifteen drops; oil
Of petit grain. fifteen drops.
Melt the first three ingredients. add the
glycerin 10 the orange-hower water. and
dissolve the borax in the mixture; then
pour it slowly into the blended fats stir
| ring continuously.
The Washington herald., 1908-07-05

- EvERAL years ago Newport. with
characteristics popularity, decided
that the much abused sun was
too hard on the complexion. so
the fair ladies Of the resort sat down 20
discuss a way to avoid the complexion
destroying rays without bandaging eyes
and all
At last diminutive little spOrtswoman
Of the South suggested that a very thick
chiffon veil. tied around the face in the
style sacred TO burglars and Moorish
women. would amply protect the COM
plexlon. while the forehead would be
shaded by the hat. The idea was loudly
applauded and enthusiastically adopted.
All the summer maidens in the vicinity
began 70 bind their faces with opaque
materials. and. although they saved
themselves the annoyance OF freckles and
sunburn. they also excluded all good,
fresh air from their lungs and lost that
rosebud look that is so much sought after
by young and old.
There were other ways OF arriving at
the same result had they but known 1t.
but perhaps that summers experience
taught them in the end.
Summer is time made for the bru-
nette. who only becomes attractively
tanned Blonds and auburn-haired maid
ems stand little chance when the suns
rays shine down upon the world with
summer strength. But II they take the
trouble. perhaps they may avoid some Of
the seasons effects on the complexion.
and. II they follow the directions given.
the result will surely be satisfactory.
In the first place. II IS only tho fine
ness and dellcacy Of the skin that makes
the heat so fatal 20 blond and auburn
beauties. so II a little alcohol is patted
on the skin regularly for a time and
later after exposure 10 the sun-lt will
have a hardening effect. The alcohol must
be diluted so that it does not irritate.
DO not rub with the alcohol; lightly touch
the face with it, It need only affect the
outer skin, so any friction IS unnecessary.
Buttermilk IS an excellent antidote for
sunburn too. Battle the face in this fluid
frequently. and che complexion will re-
main clear and soft.
Cold cream should always be massaged
into the skin 10 remove the lines and
wrinkles caused by squirting, and this
should be done by rotary motion with
the very tips Of the fingers. Massage
wrongly done IS more harmful than nc
massage at all
After the cream massage, always bt
sure to remove from the surface any
cream which may remain. It not only
spoils the appearance. but collects the
dust and dirt Of the highway Last OF
all. powder should be applied before goinf
out. 1t forms a sort of cover for IN,
skin. intercepting heat and Offering pro
lection against dust
Freckles may usually be avoided by
following out these directions but n pre-
caution has been neglected. treat IN,
freckles with this very good cream. mad,
of one ounce (avoirdupois) each Of petro
leum and lanolin (auhydrous). one fluiC
ounce Of peroxide OF hydrogen and on,
fluid dram Of acetic acid. This cream
may be put on the face at night and re
moved IN the morning.
A little healthy tan on the face Is no
really an amiction. but. too much is unbe
coming particularly In the evening.
The Washington herald., 1908-07-05
To Fatten the Cheeks.

Tootsie-To make thin cheeks plump
rub a good skin food in with the follow
ing movements: To treat the right check
place the thumb Of the left hand Just be
yond the corner OF the mouth on the left
cheek as a brace. Make rotary move
ments upward and outward, beginning at
the corner Of the mouth and making three
diverging lines Of manipulation over the
cheek With the right hand treat the left
cheek About six times over each cheek
is sufficient
The Washington herald., 1908-07-05
Troubled with Dandrnff

y. IA little vaseline rubbed we'll into
the roots OF the hair will soften the dan
druff so that it will brush out easily.
Don't attempt 20 comb Il out. as this will
only irritaJe the scalp and increase the
dandrUh
This dandruf remedy viii prove helpful:
Moisten the scalp with olive oil. When
crusts are soft. wash scalp with tincture
OF green soap. Rinse thoroughly and ap-
ply almond oil 10 the scalp. Rub IN with
fngertips and then use the following To-
ton daily: Ammonia muriate ten grains;
glycerin. one ounce; rosewater. five
ounces. Rub this briskly into the scalp
At the end Of ten days shampoo
The Washington herald., 1908-07-05
To SWeeteu the Breath.

Alice R.-FOr a bad breath, hold lis
terine and water In the mouth as long as
possible Gargle with listerine after
meals.
When troubled with an offensive breath,
extra care should be taken OF the teeth.
This recipe makes a very good tooth pow
der. which should be used after each
meal: -Four ounces Of precipitated chalk
eight ounces Of powdered orris root and
one ounce powdered camphor. Trituratt
the camphor in a mortar. moistening II
with very little alcohol. Add other in
gradients Mix thoroughly, and sift
through a fine boiling cloth.
The Washington herald., 1908-07-05
Tea Hair Tonic.

Reader-Here is a recipe for a tonic
which Will darken the hair somewhat:
Bay rum two ounces; glycerine, two
ounces; alcohol, two ounces; infusion Of
black tea, ten ounces.
Mix and perfume 20 suit. The tea in
fusiop should be made very strong-say
an ounce Of tea 10 ten or twelve ounces
Of boning water. Let II steep for TWEEN
" minutes. then stand TIL cool, strain
and add the other ingredients; apply with
a soft sponge TO the roots Of the hair.
1t will darken blond hair
The Washington herald., 1908-07-05
Lotion for Oily, Damp Hair.

Kate-For greasy, moist hair the follow
ing is an excellent drying lotion. If used
daily. 1t tends 10 produce a crispy con-
dition: Bicarbonate OF soda, powdered,
oue-four ounce; borate Of soda, powdered.
one-quarter ounce eau de cologne. one
fluid ounce; alcohol two fluid ounces; dis
titled lwater. sixteen fluid ounces. Nix
and agitate until solution is complete
The Washington herald., 1908-07-05
HE TALKS.

He talks in the morning and talks in the night.
He talks when he's wrong and he talks when hc
right;
He talks at the Office and talks in the hail.
He talks in the church and he talks al the ball
He talks 70 the Senate and talks 70 the House.
He talks 10 the people as poor common scuse
he talks TO the press and he talks % the crowd
be talks and he talks with voice long and loud
Like cid clapper mill he'n sourd 20 the end
And die while he's talking without any friend,
Washington ID. G JOHN A JOYCE
The Washington herald., 1908-07-05
Chest Weights.

Skinny-Chest weights are used to de-
velop the muscles and increase the size
Of the chest. They are weights on pull
leys which are fastened either 10 the
floor or wall. and as the strength in
creases the weights are made heavier.
They may be purchased at the athletic
department Of any store.
The Washington herald., 1908-07-05
Solution to Keep the Hair Curled.

Mary J. H.-The following recipe for a
hair-curling lotion may be helpful: Gum
arabic. one ounce; good moist sugar, one
half ounce; pure hot water. three-quar-
ters pint s.,-,1ol, two fluid ounces; bi-
chloride Of mercury. six grains; sal am
moniac. six grains.
The last two should be dissolved II the
alcohol before admixture Lastly. add
enough water 20 make the whole measure
one pint Perfume with cologne OF Law
cuder water. Moisten the hair with the
fluid before putting 1t in the papers or
curriers'
This is too strong a solution 10 be ap-
piled repeatedly, as it would surely have
/ a destructive effect on the hair f0IlicIes-
/ Therefore. it should not be too frequently
applied, and not at too short an interval.
An occasional use, however, IS practically
! harmless.
The Washington herald., 1908-07-05
Lotion for Premature Wrinkles.

Mother-You Will find this recipe for
lotion very good for removing all traces
OF wrinkles: Alum, powdered. seventy
grains; almond milk (thiclO. one and one
half ounces; rosewater, six ounces Dis
solve the alum in the rOsewater. then pour
gently into the almond milk. with con-
stant agitation. Apply with a soft linen
cloth every night before retiring
The Washington herald., 1908-07-05
To Whiten the Neck.

Subscriber-Wash the neck and face
with warm water 20 remove all dust and
dirt Then rub the neck with equal parts
of pure cream and lemon juice. The cream
does away with scragginess and feeds
the skin. while the lemon juice whitens II.
The Washington herald., 1908-07-05
For Oily Skin.

f. D.-Banish all rich and greasy foods.
for diet has great influence on the con-
dition OF the skin. Wiping of the face
occasionally with diluted alcohol C25 per
cent strength Is beneficial in the case
Of an oily Skin. a few drops Of am
mouia or a pinch Of borax in the water
with which the face is washed IS also
hplpful
The Washington herald., 1908-07-05
Reward.
Frn srara

From Scraps
Nisitor-What well-behaved boy!
Mother-Yes: told him il he was good
he could watch his father take Up The
carpet.
The Washington herald., 1908-07-05

- WING 20 the great amount of
mail received and the limited
space given this department, II
is absolutely impossible TO an
swer letters in the Sunday issue follow
ing their receipt The letters must be
answered in turn. and this ofttlmes re-
quires three or four weeks.
All correspondents who desire an i'm
mediate answer must inclose a self-ad-
dressed stamped envelope for a reply
This rule must also be complied with in
regard to personal letters.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-22
g.
|SANTAFEN NOTES

]. H. McGoff, mechanical superin-
| tendent, has returned from Peoria, ILL.,,
| where he attended the annual meet
| ing of the central association of rail-
way officers.
Engineer John Hand is running in
the pool at Argentine.
Engineer Davis who runs out of Ar
gentine, is laying off for a few days
on account of the serious condition of
Mrs Davis who was injured in a gaso-
line explosion a few days ago.
George Finch, foreman of the To-
peka roundhouse, is recovering from
his illness for which he is receiving
treatment in the Santa Fe hospital.
J. d. Mason, of the blacksmith shops,
is in Chicago where he is receiving
treatment.
Engineer H r. Webb, of Argentine,
has been assigned to runs Nos. 202 and
203 on the Southern Kansas division.
Roy johnson, chief clerk in the Of
flee of the general passenger agent, will
leave officially for his New Mxeico trip
September 26. 1t was rumored that he
would go last week.
Rev. Bruce Kinney will speak at the
r. r. Y. NJ. c. A. tonight on the SUBJ
ject Indians Special music will be
provided. The meeting will be on the
lawn of the association.
B. w Benedict, of the bonus depart
ment, has returned to Topeka from a
q
Frank Folsom of the Santa Fe at EN-
poria is in the local hospital for treat
ment. His leg was injured in a rail-
way accident a few days ago.
A great story of a mixup in the Of
flee of the master mechanic at Argen-
tine has reached Topeka. One Fred
Berry, a machinist, recently got over
loaded in Kansas City and imagined
he had a grievance against some of the
Argentine officials of the Santa Fe. He
entered Master Mechanic w. H. Ham
ilton's office and started to make a
general cleaning up. w. H Calder
wood, general foreman at Argentine
entered the office shortly after Berry
did and was greeted with an ink bot
tie which was thrown at his head A
hard fight ensued in. which both were
so badly bruised up, that hospital
treatment was, necessary. For his
share of the trouble Berry must soend
year in Jail
v ]. Lawrence has accepted a posi-
ton as stenographer to E. J. Shake
shaft, assistant general passenger
agent.
Fred Wilson, pass clerk in the gen
eral managers Office. is taking a
weeks vacation
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-09-22
UNDER OLD MANAGEMENT
Prominent Topeka Concern Reverts to
Old Owner.
The Palace Peerless

After having sold his bicycle store.
within the last year, Topeka's most
reliable and up-to-date bicycle and
motorcycle establishment has again
become the property of d. b. Simp-
SON
For number Of years Mr.. Simpson
conducted the Central Cycle and Sup
ply company at 716 Kansas avenue;
building it up from small bicycle re-
pair shop to the most extensive con-
Germ of its kind in the state.
Within the last few months he has
again assumed the management. and
viii continue the business along the
same lines which made it so success
full before.