davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-17
Turner and the Doctor.

When Turner, the famous painter,
was dying at Chelsea he sent in de-
spair for a Ramsgate doctor who had
done him some good during his recent
stay ut that place and who, he hoped,
might take a different view of his case
from that which the London physicians
had expressed. The doctor arrived and
confirmed the opinion that the artist
had very little time longer to live.
''Wait Bit" said Turner to the doc
tor. You have had nothing to eat and
drink yet, have you?" mo, but that's
of no consequence "But it is" re-
piled the painter "Go downstairs, and
you will find some refreshment, and
there is some fine brown sherry-don't
spare it-and then come up and see me
again." The doctor refreshed himself
and then came back to the patient.
"Now, then" said Turner, ''what is it?
Do you still think so badly of my
case?" The doctor regretfully said he
could not alter his former opinion. The
artist shook his shoulders, turned his
face to the wall and never spoke again!
Dundee Advertiser.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-17

It Is popularity supposed that bishops
possess the power of self control in a
perfect degree, but sometimes the best
of them disclose the fact that. after ell,
they are but men.
On one occasion a certain lord bish-
op, eloquent and sanity, whose name
is almost a household word in Eng
land, was preaching at the opening of
a new church and for a few days
stayed at country house in the neigh
borhood This bishop was excessively
fond of a game of billiards and could
hold his own on the cloth against the
majority of amateurs.
During this visit his lordship played
several quiet games with his host, but
one morning had prolonged run of
bad luck, which SO eXasperated him
that at last be entirely lost his temper
and in his rage snapped the cue in two
across his knee.
This mad action seemed to bring the
bishop to his senses, and with profuse
regrets he apologized to his host for
his conduct, declaring that he would
not have had it happen for the world.
But the host coolly replied:
81 must beg you. my lord, to think
no more about the matter. | am really
glad that it occurred. as for many
years | have been wishful to see what
a bishop was like when he wanted to
use bad language. London Tit-Bits.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-17
The DON'T Worry Theory.

The usual advice given to the wor-
rier is, Don't worry This advice is
foolish because impractical. No one
can stop thinking one type of thought
except by substituting for it another.
Besides, it is dangerous advice, for,
even supposinG one could mechanical
ly put an end to a worrying state OF
mind, he would simply be like an en-
gineer who should plant himself on the
safety valve Of his engine. The energy
expended in worry, turned inward on
itself. would tear the mental mechan.
ism to pieces. No! What the wor-
ried man Or woman needs evidently
is to be taught how to find health
full outlet for his or her nervous power
thus going to waste. If we say ''Don't
worry" let rs also be careful to add.
But work and let us also point out
what kind of work should be under
taken and the spirit in which it ought
to be done In other words, what the
worrier needs is e-education.-Rev. S.
s. McComb in Harper's Bazaar.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-17
CIosino His Mouth.

A very sensible bit of advice ex-
pressed in homely language was given
by a man not long ago to an excitable
and quarrelsome friend. 1t was in a
brickyard, and two of the workmen
had engaged in an angry dispute
which eliminated in fierce encoun-
ter. In the skirmish one of the COM
batants was hastily hurt on the head,
and the employer. who happened to
come on the scene of action when the
! fight was finishing and was a man Of
more temper than discretion, advised
the injured one to get warrant for
the others arrest. While the matter
was being discussed by number of
workmen who had gathered round a
big, burly fellow who had heard ev-
erything and seen the whole affair
made his way to the man with the
damaged Uranium and said:
''You don't want to get no warrant,
Bill You just go to the chemists shop
and get yerself two pieces of plarster-
good big ones-and put one piece on
yer head an the other on yer mouth,
an you'll be all right. London Mail.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-17
OPENING GRAND PARADE
Athletes March in Review Before the
King and Princes.

There was some apprehension that
on account of the weather the opening
of the games might be postponed.
But there were 1900 athletes from all
parts of the globe in the shelters about
the Stadium, and the committee de-
clded to start on schedule time, de-
spite the unfavOrable weather condi-
tons. Shortly after 3 p. M, the royal
box, which had been fitted up for the
accommodation Of forty persons, be gan
to fill up. the early arrivals including
the Crown Prince and Princess of
Sweden and their children, the Crown
Prince and Princess of Greece. the
Duke and Duchess of Connaught and
the Duke and Duchess of Argyll.
short time afterward the playing
of the national anthem by a band of
the Gredadier Guards announced the
arrival of King Edward. Queen Alex
dra and Princess Victoria with their
suites, who had been driven in state
from buckingham palace. Lord DeS-
borough. chairman of the council of
the British Olympic association. well
coined their majesties at the entrance
to the Stadium and presented the mem
berS of the International Olympic
Council.
As the king entered the royal box a
bugler gave a signal. the gates leading
to the competitors quarters flew open
and the athletes marched out under the
banners OF their respective nations.
The procession was formed in alpha
betical order. Austria leading, with the
exception that the English-speaking
races came last. This latter section
was led by the team from the United
States, with Garrels. of the Chicago
Athletic association, at its head, carry
ing the stars and stripes.
The British colonies were directly
behind the United States representa-
tiyes, and at the end the United
Kingdom as hosts. AS the procession
came into the Stadium each countr,
received applause, that for the United
States and the colonies being particu
iarly enthusiastic, as the audienct
which hraved the elements to witnes;
the opening of the great games includ
ell large contingents from across tn
seas.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-17
What the Kidneys Do.
Their Unceasing Work Keeps Us Strong
and Healthy.


All the blood in the body passes
through the kidneys once every three
minutes. The kidneys filter the blood
They work night and day. When healthy
they remove about 500 grains of impure
matter daily; when unhealthy some part
of this impure matter is left IN the blood.
This brings on many diseases and symp-
toms pain in the back, headache, ner-
vousness, hot, dry skin. rheumatism.
govt, gravel, disorders OF the eyesight
and hearing, dizziness, irregular heart,
debility. drowsness, dropsy, deposits in
the urine, etc. But if you Keep the FL
ters right you will have no trouble with
your kidneys.
G. Eckert, living on Main st, Sun
Prairie, Wis, says: II have used Doan's
Kidney Pills and can recommend them
very highly. suffered for short
time from kidney trouble which began
with sharp, shooting pains in the small
of my bank. AT times | felt soreness
across the kidney regions and soon no.
ticed that my kidneys We're not acting
naturally. Doau's Kidney Pills were ad :
vertised and I procured a hox ! took
them according TO directions, the pains
gradually disappeared and hav- no
trouble from my Kidneys now. | heartily
recommend Doan's Kidney Pills to 9TH
ers"
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-17
A Few Sufficed.

Sir James Crichton-Browne was sent
on mission to Jamaica in connection
with the British colonial Office. While
at Kingston he had an encounter with
a colored but very humble official. Sir
James, a strenuous sanitarian and an
ardent Scot, was keenly interested in
the Scottish population of the island
''Do you have many Scotsmen in these
parts?' he asked Of the official. The
darby thought for moment and then
answered, mot many; just few, but
enough" Sir James collapsed.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-17
Olympic Contests Start Off with
the Weather Doing About
Its Worst.
RAIN MARS THE GREAT OPENING
Our Boys Win Places in the Finals OF
a Great Run.
Chief Honor Goes to a Britisher, and
the EngIishmen Are Ahead in
the 400 Metre SWIM
ming Race.

Rain interfered badly with the OPEN
ing of the fourth international Olym-
pic games by King Edward of Eng
land at the Stadium at Shepherds
Bush, aud although it cleared off be-
fore the hour set for the formal cere-
mony the attendance fell short of eX-
pectatiOns. In some of the events, too,
the contestants appeared affected by
the adverse weather conditions, but in
other events, particularly the 1000
metre race. in which the greatest in
tereSt centered, the men were up to
their form, and twice during the after
noon the record for the distance was
smashed Melvin w. Sheppard, sOf the
Irish-American Athletic club, of New
York, was the first TO accomplish the
trick when. in the second heat, press.
ed hard by his team mate. J. Z. Hal
stead, of the New York Athletic club.
he ran the distance in the splendid
time Of 4:05, just % of a second faster
than that made by ]. ID. LightbOdy, of
the University of Chicago, at the Olym-
pic games ut ST. Louis in 1904
Sullivan Passes LightbOdy.
The two entries from the United
States in this heat beat number of
good men. including G. Butterfield, the
British fOur-mile champion, who finish
ed a bad third. J. p. Sullivan, of the
Irish-American A. c., and Lightbody,
who were first and second respective
~ in the first heat of this event, took
longer to cover the distance, but they
were not pressed, and doubtless could
have done better if it had been neces-
sary. Meadows. of Canada, set out to
make the pace in this event, but Light
body went to the front in the stretch
and seemed likely winner until Sulli-
van, with a fine burst of speed, passed
him in few yards from the tape.
Britisher Wins the HODors.
The best performance of the day,
however, was that of NJ. f. Hallows,
an Oxford blue, who cut full two
seconds off the record, much to the
surprise of everybody, as Hallows al
ways has been at his best at the three
miles, and 1,5O0-metres was considered
too short for him. He is now thought
to be the most serious rival of the
athletes from the United States in the
final of this event, which will be run
today. Through their defeat By Shep-
pard and Sullivan, Halsted and Light
body failed to qualify. H. L. Coe, of
the University Of Michigan, made a
strong bid for victory in the fourth
heat but he was unable to keep up
with E. V LOney, OF England, although
the time was not particularly brilliant.
COe finished second.
England Ahead at Swimming.
In the 400-metre swim, first honOrS
were taken by BritiShers in the first
and second heats.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-17
Low Necked Dresses.

In the early days of Pennsylvania
there was a law, as we learn from
documents in the state department,
which stated as follows: "That if any
white female of ten years or upward
should appear in any public street,
lane, highway, church, courthouse, tav-
ern, ball, theater or any other place
of public resort with naked shoulders
l. e., low necked dresses-being able
to purchase necessary clothing, she
shall forfeit and pay a fine of not less
than $500 nor more than $780,"
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-17
Queer Auctions.

A Dutch auction at Cape Town is
frequently exciting. If a house is to
be sold, the auctioneer offers $50 gold
en- sovereigns for the man who first
bids f5,OO0." Nobody bids. A pause,
and then $50 golden sovereigns for the
man who first bids f4,900." This is
kept up until a bid is secured But it
by no means follows that the house is
sold to this bidder. No. the auctioneer
is then at it again. Say that f4,4OO is
the first bid. The auctioneer cries,
'.There are % golden sovereigns for
the first man who has the courage to
bid f4,60O." Perhaps no one has it.
Then f25 is offered for a f4,550 bid. If
there is eventually no bid above the
"a, 400, the man who made that bid is
saddled with the house. Otherwise he
pockets his bonus and gets off free of
it all Westminster Gazette.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-17
A Great Art In Little.

is there really any art in convers-
ing?"
''Of course; always say small things
in big way and big things in a small
Minneapolis Journal.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-17
Taking the Count.

james, wish you hadn't told father
to count ten when angry Mother
Why? James-He has time to get the
SWITCH. He used to use his hand when
he licked me-New York Journal
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-17
Not For His.

The Boston Teacher-Waldo, would
you like to have lived in ancient
Greece?
The Boston Pupil-No, ma'am.
B. T-And why not, pray?
B. Pas 1 understand it, Greek
mothers wore wooden sandals and
Greek boys didn't wear any trousers
Cleveland Leader.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-17
A Diplomatic Tramp.

"Why don't you vamoose? | said
no."
"Ah, madam, beautiful woman's
no ofting means yes"
He got the cold bite for which he
was pleading, and it was even warmed
over for charlottesville Courier-Jour-
nal.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-17
Her Compliment.

"Uncle Jehosophat. I'm goin' to
name my kitten after you.'
swell, well, that is nice of you
ssOh, it's all right. Mother says I've
got to drown the thing anyhow. IL
Illustrated Bits.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-17
An Anomalous One.
N. VOLTS an anOmaly? 2"

"Pop, wot's an anomaly"
IAN anomaly" answered the chauf-
feur, sis man who keeps an automo-
bile without kicking about the cost of
repairs = New Orleans Times Demo
0raf
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-17
An Unhappy Answer.

The Curate-Good gracious. Giles!
Whatever makes you keep such spite
full old cat as that? Giles-Well. sir.
you see, it's like this-I've felt bit
lonely since my old woman died-Lon-
don Opinion
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-17
Some Doubts.

New Curate-How's your wife, ia
bez? Jabez = Frs very doubtful,
measter Err doubts as 'er won't get
better, and Oh doubts as 'er wull.-
Punch.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-17
Outstripped 1t.

"As recall things, you once had
future before YOU" said the old friend.
YES. replied the fate tossed man,
shut, you see, lived so fast that got
ahead of it"
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-17

Seldom is a smooth tongue without
q sting behind. Irish Proverb.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-17

Human life is governed more by for
tune than by reason.-Hume.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-17
At the End of the Voyage.

Jonah disembarked.
''The only trip don't have to tip the
steward" he exclaimed
Herewith he regarded the whale
half approvingly.-New York Sun.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-05
LOOKS FOR BRYAN IN SENATE
MACK DOESN'T EXPECT NE.
BRAsKAN TO RUN AGAIN.
Most Available Man, Regardless Of
His Location, Will Be Selected
for Nominee Next Time.

NEW YORK, November 5.-Chairnan
Mack last night expressed his strong be-
lief that Mr.. Bryan would not be candi-
date for the presidency again.
II do not believe that Mr.. Bryan will
again be the candidate of the democratic
party for President he said Should
the legislature be democratic in Nebras-
ka when a vacancy occurs in the United
States Senate from that state, as will be
the case in 1911. 1 believe Mr.. Bryan will
be selected to fill the Office
Mr. Mack was asked if he thought the
south would be recognized in the next
national convention and permitted to
name a candidate from that section of the
country .
1.-The most available man will be NOM
mated he replied. irrespective OF
whether he comes from the north or the
south. the east or the west. Everything
other conditions. of course. which will de-
velop in the next four years"
Mr.. Mack had no comment to make
about the labor vote. and said he did not
believe Tammany Hall had been unfaith-
full to Bryan and the rest of the ticket
Democratic state headquarters. in the
Hoffman House, closed its doors yester-
day, as did the national headquarters.
except the national treasurer's depart
ment. Clerks are still at work in the
offices of Mr.. Ridder preparing a re-
port of the receipts and expenditures of
the campaign. which must be filed within
twenty days after the election. From re-
cent indications the report will be ready
long before that time.
Mr.. Mack will leave New York tomor-
row. He will spend Saturday and Sun
DAY at his home I'm Buffalo, and will then
go to Chicago to wind up matters there.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-05
h|SGEN NOT DISCOURAGED
INFLUENCE OF THE INDEPEND-
ENTS IN THE CAMPAIGN.
Declares Their Principles Found
Support in Every State In
the Union.

SPRINGFIELD. Mass. November s.
Thomas L. Hisgen. independent party
candidate for the presidency, has issued
the following statement from his home in
West Springfield:
Il was pleased to receive such a. large
vote in my home town. Returns from the
country at large are as yet so incomplete
that it is impossible for us to know just
how many votes this new party polled.
The growth of sentiment toward new
party is ssarily slow. Because of
our lack of political organization through
out the nation and also because of our
lack of funds We were unable to reach
any large proportion of the voters In this
one campaign. Practically without a
campaign we have made surprising gains
in Vermont. New Hampshire and other
states. and in view of the fact that all
other political parties in Massachusetts
were united we have held our own In tn $
state. The first national convention OF
the party was held in July. In few short
months it has demonstrated that there Is
no state in the Union where it's principles
had not support.
During the next four years political or
ganization that we would have had In
this campaign, if time had permitted will
be completed and in 1912 the independence
contest for the electoral vote Of many OF
the states in the Union. Although We were
not successful in electing our candidates
this year the party has won a victory
achieved by no other party in this cam
paign. 1t made political corruption and
trust methods an issue. 1t exposed For
aker, retired Haskell and made II dan
gerous for any party to publicly recog-
niZe such men as Bailey, McLaurin and
Aldrich as leaders,.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-05
TO PAY FINAL HoNoRs.
Funeral of Mrs. Lucina B. Noses
Will Occur Tomorrow.

The funeral of Mrs Lucina Bingham
Moses. widow Of Guy Moses. will
take place from the residence of her son,
Zebina Moses, Ill H street, tomorrow
afternoon.
Mrs Moses was Of New England ances-
try. She was born in Marcellus, Onon-
daga county. N. Y, in 1915, the year of
the battle of Waterloo. and was sister
of Kinsiey s. Bingham of Michigan, elect
ed governor on the first ticket in any
state headed with the party name re
publican"
Mrs. Moses for forty-four years resided,
in this city with her son. Zebina Moses.
and here. the 29rh OF September last, she
celebrated her ninety-third birthday in
possession Of all her faculties and in the
enjoyment OF reasonably good health. She
was taken Ill few days afterward and
passed peacefully away yesterday
Mrs. Moses was noted for great mental
activity. Her marked social qualities and
the loneliness of her character endeared
her to very large circle of friends.
Three sons. Zebina Moses of this city.
Robert Fl. Moses of New York and John
b. Moses of Takoma. Nd, survive her.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-05
JUDGE PARKER SEES LIGHT
THE DEMOCRACY UNITED, he
SAYS, IF DEFEATED.
Must Continue to Be One of the
Two Great National
Parties.

Judge Alton B. Parker, the democratic
nominee for President in 1904, gave out a
statement to the Associated Press here
last night, expressing his views on the re-
suit of the election, as follows:
while / believe that Judge Taft will
ably and conscientiously perform the du-
ties of the presidency, l am nevertheless
of the opinion that the election of Mr..
Bryan would have been far better for the
country
I'VE need, to quote an oft used express
sion, a change of measures and of men.
This includes the enforcement of exist
ing law against it's violators, instead of
prosecuting the latter's innocent victims
the opening of the government books by
experts unafraid to criticise; the practice
of economy in the expenditure of public
funds no longer even promised by the
Republican party; the revision OF tn !.
tariff by a substantial reduction of du-
ties; and the enactment of federal cor
rupt practice act still more drastic than
the New York act
I'VE shall continue to fall short of our
ideal of a government of the people, by
the people and for the people SO long
as the money of those who enjoy special
privileges hold the balance OF power.
This factor the republican party will not
eliminate, for thereby it commits suicide.
Again the trend toward socialism, I'M
mistakable as it is among all classes, is
due in no small measure to The paternal-
ism of the republican party in protecting
and enriching the favored few. From the
existing evils of dominant republicanism
and the threatened evils of socialism the
careful business man. the Industrious Ia
borer and the prudent producer must all
seek shield and protector. and naturally
must turn to the democratic party.
While We are greatly disappointed. We
should not be discouraged. 1t is apparent
as we scrutiniZe the source and volume of
the support of the assistant republican
parties, viz. the populist and independ-
ence parties. that the democratic party
must continue to be one of the two great
parties.
Now. for the first time in years. says
Judge Parker in conclusion. I'VE have a
united party. Once again there is dis
position among its members to reason to-
gether and work together for the public
good. We should therefore congra tulate
MIR. Bryan and ourselves upon this i'm
provement of general party conditions I'M
der this candidacy and set ourselves reso-
lutely TO the strengthening of the party
for the contests of the future"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-05

| skimming over the road at twenty-five
to thirty miles an hour.
1t has also climbed hills of 80 per
cent grade and has carried three passen-
gers over ordinary roads
The car is six feet In length and weighs
about 800 pounds. 1t Is provided with
three horsepower engine. has friction
transmission and double chain drive.
1t has three-foot tread, with nine
speeds forward and three on the re-
verse.
The machine is air cooled. the battery
control is through an electric hight switch
and the differential operates successfully.
There are external brakes on the rear
wheels, and the machine Is otherwise
fully equipped throughout.
Aside from the engine. the machine was
built entirely by the boy-and even tho
engine had to be rebuilt to conform With
some Of the peculiarities OF the auto
mobiles makeup. His other purchases
consisted only OF rods. wire. nails. pine
boards. a few castings and such ma
terial. even the wheels representing his
workmanship. The latter are equipped
with motorcycle tires.