Free press., 1908-03-07
WOES OF
BACHELOR
HE Many AffaIrs of Heart

| am familiar enough with the Bible
to know what ST. Paul said about mar
riage, but I do not agree with him;
neither do / approve of the course that
Solomon pursued in having 1000
wives, and then saying all was vanity,
and failing to speak in a kindly man
ner of womankind in general. l be-
lieTe in what it says in Proverbs-get
dear and stay at home and cherish
her. l am 40, and as good looking as
the next man. My means are ample
enough to keep a wife below the
third floor Of fashionable boarding
house.
So you see / have at least one good
trait
/ have had lots of proposals, but
they were all from shop-worn rem
nants. I always believed man should
choose his own wife instead of being
chosen, so / refused them all.
SAill, so far 1 have found that every
woman l picked out for my wife has
not seen fit to choose me.
The first girl ever proposed to was
II and as sweet as a breath of
June. She cried when 1 asked the
question and said she would tell
mamma.
That was just what I did not want
her to do. Mamma was of the pouter
pigeon variety with a wide girth, and 1
was very much afraid of her. So told
the girl it was harmless joke, and got
out before mamma came.
l met that girl the other day. She
has gone her mother one better in
girth. She told me she was married,
had six children, and was perfectly
happy. So was I.
The next girl was a minister's
daughter. was in love with her and
| would have proposed had it not been
| for her mother. 1 went to call on the
girl one night for the second time.
| Her mother greeted me and asked my
| intentions.
1t seemed to me as if she was hurry
ing matters little, so told her I had
none.
She said "it was not fair to pay her
| daughter such marked attention if l
| was not in earnest-it kept other suit
| ors away
So 1 staid away, and the girl mar
| fied a missionary and went to India
to live.
My next trial was with the daughter
| Of lady with whom 1 boarded.
kept this girl in candy, flowers, thea
! ter tickets and rich food one whole
winter. I don't know why ever pro-
! posed to her, except 1 thought she ex-
| pected it. However, / am thankful to
! say she refused me-told me she was
| going to marry millionaire" and
liked my presumption.
She married dry goods clerk, and
is still living at home with mamma
and making her own clothes.
Then 1 fell in love with a childless
widow. She seemed like a sensible
woman, and thought she would make
good wife. She was sensible, all
| right-wanted to know my income,
whether 1 owned any real estate, how
much my life was insured for, and
whether l had a family burial plot
| bade her hasty farewell.
There was the mother with the au-
| burn-haired, sunburnt, freckled and
side-eyed daughter. The mother said
her daughter was a perfect jewel and
worthy of any mans love- l was
| sorry, but l did not feel as if I were
worthy casket.
| Mrs. c., widow of some 60 full
| years, proposed to me. She had two
manly sons of over so, neither OF
| whom had ever toiled or spun She
said her sons needed fathers kind.
| ly hand to guide them 1 told her ]
| felt mine was not steady enough
A woman who called herself bach.
elor maid wanted me. She was not a
| fright, but so near it that most people
| could not distinguish the difference
Her proposal, while not elegant, was
novel. Hitting me a slap on the back
one day, she said: What's the mat
ter with us two getting tied up?''
Mel" I said, and ran for my life.
l think l have told enough to indi.
cate that, while a bachelor may wear
a sunny smile, his heart is often
heavy. But 1 will select my own
| wife or remain single.
l would not be a man if | had not
fallen in love with an actress. This
one was a dream that turned into q
nightmare. If it had not been for a
forgotten husband l would have been
married to her.
The trained nurse | had better luck
with. She accepted, but neglected to
tell me she had also accepted fellow
in the next room. She gave me q
queer excuse for her action-slA that
in all hospitals the nurses accepted
anything they could get out Of man
it made them get well quicker.
The last woman, so far, that 1 have
proposed to is a married one, living
with her husband. / only asked her il
she would marry me when her hus
band died. tBless your heart" she
said, tom is as tough as wire nails