The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1908-07-02


Numbers of householders who are de-
Birous OF Installing Il telephone are de
tered by ignorance of the department
tai regulations and the fear of red tape.
The procedure is really so simple rhat
a few notes, fOreStalling the efforts OF
the proposed postotlice publicity depart
ment, may prove of interest to intend
ing subscribers.
The first step is to write to the dep
uty P. NJ. c., stating the position of
the premises and asking particulars of
the fees payable. By return post you
will receive a printed card Form XO,
9S2l stating that your letter has been
duly received and is having attention.
This card Is sent by the Office boy and
has no real bearing on the subsequent
proceedings.
After this effort the department takes
a brief rest to recover its strength and
then plunges into Il series of abstruSe
calculations over Il period Of some
weeks. The result of this mountain in
labor is an absurdly inadequate mouse
In the shape of circular (Form CB,
G0 informing you that your telephone
will cost you Is per annum for max
1mum of 1000 originating calls. If
this startling example Of departmental
Omniscience does not overpower you.
you may write to the ID. T. NJ. G.. ac-
cepting his offer and inStructing him to
proceed with the work.
Within ten days or thereabout you
will receive another circular QOrm c,
1876, requesting you to sign the at
tached agreement and pay twelve
months rent in advance Having done
this, you may safely take holiday.
After an interval of, say, a month 1t
is as well to write to the d. =. NJ. G..
pointing out that you have only lease
of the premises and are therefore anX-
iOus to have the telephone as soon as is
convenient You will receive no reply
to this (Form KY, 1878, being out of
print, but Il few weeks later very
civil spoken young man will present
half gallon billy at your back door
and request little hot water for
breakfast. If you direct attention to
the size of the billy the man will point
out two of his mates who are sitting
on your roof and two others standing
in an expectant attitude in your back
garden, and Il sixth man will be found
standing at the head of a linesman's
handcart out in the right of way
The men on the roof are discussing
where they will fix your telephone
wire, while the men in the garden are
waiting to catch them in case they roll
off. This tends to show the perfection
Of the organization which exists in all
great government departments.
If the weather keeps fine the neces-
sary wires will soon be connected, and
nothing then remains but to obtain the
telephone instrument. After waiting,
say, two or three weeks without result
you should write to the daily papers,
directing attention to the facts and
signing yourself "Disgusted Taxpayer"
On the day following the Insertion Of
your letter the "Ofticial explanation"
(Form no, 49, will appear in a prom
inent position in the news columns
The explanation will set out that the
postal department is not to blame,
since 1t ordered seven telephone instru-
ments In 1904. but the demand has
been so great that these have already
been used. 1t will further explain that
tenders are being called for ten addi-
tional instruments and arrangements
are being made for prompt delivery.
Again it will state that all appliCa
tions are dealt with strictly in order of
priority, and as soon as the 1,196 back
orders are completed "Dsgusted Tax
payers" application will receive imme-
diate consideration.
The same days evening paper will
contain an interview with the minister
concerned, who will express regret that
"Disgusted Taxpayer" did not write di-
rect to the department under his own
name. The minister will add that he
is completely reorganiZlng the depart
ment, and, although only nine months
In Office, he has already had two tele-
graph poles repainted and a piece Of
orange peel picked of the steps Of the
G. p. o. The Interview will conclude
with statement that the minister has
'called for report" This is IA most
arduous and dangerous undertaking,
which cannot be safely attempted by
any one drawing less than $4,000
year, with prospects Of t2O0 increase.
AS the result of the publicity given
to your case by the press a telephone
instrument will be sent out to your
house, and YOU must then act with the
utmost clrcumSpection if you would
avoid disaster. Foolish people with no
knowledge of departmental methods are
apt to directly address the instrument
filter saying, Il want the telephone
placed here in the hall" This, how
ever, Is q fatal mistake. The best way
Is to suggest, with due difIidence. that
the telephone should be placed under
the kitchen sink. The filter will say
that is impossible and express his in
tention of putting it over the drawing
room mante.piece. Al this stage, with
little tact and violently expressed
preference for the sink, you will sue
ceed In having the instrument set up
in the hall, where you wanted 1t.
Your troubles are now over, and at
the modest charge of fJ per annum in
advance you have piece of furniture
which is an ornament to any house. In
the event of your ever desiring to us
your new telephone you should first
read the instructions most carefully
and If you are connected to a suburban
exchange 1t is always as well to drop a
post card to the manager the day h"-
fore you ring up. Attention to this lit
tie point will insure the prompt at
tendance Of an operator when you do