The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1908-10-17

Above the grave of notorious lazy
man in a Southern churchyard are the
words: "Asleep Gas usualD."
Prospective Suitor-Sir, love your
daughter. Her Father-Well, don't
come to me with your troubles.
Stella-Can you dress within your
income? Bella-Yes; but it is like
dressing within a berth in sleeping
car.-Harper's Bazaar.
Mr.. Volgarheim (after the ball)-
See, Josephine, spoon; one of our
guests must have had hole in his
neutrality-suspicious. Batter.
Nov, don't deny it, Rose. You wore
my shoes?" "Only once-my feet hurt
me so, and l wanted something com.
Portable. -Meggensdorfer Batter.
what do you expect to be when you
come of age, my little MANI" asked the
visitor. "Twenty-one," was the little
mans reply.-The Herald and Presby-
ter.
Barber-Try a bottle of this prepa-
ration, sir. Splendid thing for bald-
ness. Customer-Don't doubt it, but
I've got all the badness want, thank
yOu.-Times.
Miss Lingerlong-You have been y
widower for ten years, haven't you, Mr..
Flint? Mr. Flint-Yes, and l am just
as persistent in it as l ever was, thank
you Smart Set.
Molly-When you spoke to father,
did you tell him you had $500 in the
bank? George - Yes. Molly-And
what did he say? George-He borrow.
ed it.-Sketchy Bits.
Teacher-If your father owed the
butcher SIPS, the baker $13.23, ana
the grocer $1SO5, how much would he
have to pay in all? Tommy Harlumin
-Nothin'. He'd move.
'Could you bring yourself to live in
a fiat on $40 a week." II could, Har.
DID," answered the pampered yet I'M
spoiled darling. But l do not know
just how it would suit my French
maid"
Il wouldn't cry like that if l were
you," said lady to little Alice.
WELL" said Alice, between her sobs.
you can cry any way you like, but
this is my way."-The United Presby-
terrain.
Mrs. Newlywed-I want to buy
steak. Lumberman-Hickory, oak or
ash? Mrs. Observation-Disclosures.
Lumberman-You'll find that in the
butcher shop. This is lumber yard.
Judge.
The Wife-During our courtship my
husband declared l was too good for
him. The Friend-Does he think SO
still? The Wife-Yes, especially wher
want him to accompany me to church
on Sundays.
Have you decided, Miss Ethel,
where you are going for the summer?"
ITS between two places, Mr.. Johnson"
(Which two?" "Ma says it's to Swift.
zerland and pa says it's to the poor
house."-Tatler.
Knicker-There are plenty of books
telling how to save life while waiting
for the doctor. Bocker-Yes. What
we need is one telling the young doctor
how to save life while waiting for the
patient
what! going to leave us so soon.
Thomas?" Sorry, sir; but must tell
you as 'ow l can't put up with the
missus any longer" But. Thomas
(appealingly), think how long I've put
up with her Judge.
'They tell me-" said the new report
err, who was doing an interview, that
you have succeeded in forging your
way to the 'front.'" Sir" replied the
self-made man, coldly, you have been
misinformed. I'm no forger."
Towne-Do you believe in dreams:
BROWNIE used to, but don't any
more. Towne-Not as superstitious as
you were, eh? Browne-Oh, it wasn't
question of superstition. l was in
love with one once, and she Tilted me.
"Mrs. jerks, If you were kind lady
with five cents she didn't need, an
was little boy that didn't know any
better an asked her for it, do you think
she could maybe afford to lend it to
him If promised her faithfully that
he'd pay you back?"-Exchange
During the dinner hour on board a
steamer the other day a passenger was
much disturbed by the vulgar way in
which the man who sat next to him ate
his meat. At last, after watching him
pick bone in very primitive fashion.
he could control his feelings no longer,
and, turning to the offending party, he
said: Don't you think you would be
more comfortable If you took that out
Il I'LL