The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1908-05-28
EVERYBODY SWEARS.


cation, and imprecation is of two kinds
-profane and improfane. Never heard
of improfane swearing? Why it is with
US every minute of the day, and its vo-
as wide as that of expression, and it is
coeXtensive with every form of life. 1t
is common to animals and to human be-
ings to both sexes, and to all peoples of
every cline and time. 1t is as natural
as bad temper, as ancient as anger, and
as universal as life itself.
A dog swears when you try to steal
its bone, monkey when it is pinched
by mischievious comrade, and hen
when you disturb its chickens. Cats
are terrific swearers. A cat will emit
string Of oaths as long as Broadway.
Its range of expression is very limited,
but the cat gets out of it all that is fe-
linely possible. The parrot is rare
avis among birds for vehemence .of
speech; but alas! for fluent and lurid
profanity it would be difficult to find it's
equal. A parrot has been known to
swear even in the presence of a clergy
man.
Even fishes swear. The evidence is
not sufficient to bring before jury, be-
cause fishes are very reserved but
there is not the slightest doubt of the
fact itself. Imagine the feelings of a
shark just baked of its prey, or of
trout that has swallowed the hook under
the impression that the hook was a fly,
and then ask yourself what you would
do in like case.
And as we ascend the scale of life we
still find the same habit of surviving.
Children swear by smashing their toys
when they can't have all their own way,
and by yelling and kicking the door
when they are put outside for being
naughty. Women swear with look
when you tread on their new dress and
tear it. They swear by knocking the
cat over when it has stolen a fish; they
swear by slamming the door because
something has gone wrong.
Men swear by banging their fist on
the tables or stamping their foot on the
floor, or kicking the unoffending dog
out of the way. And-tell it not in
Gath--clergymen swear decorously and
on special occasions. They swear when,
finding, say, brass button in the offer
tory, they pitch the elemosynary fraud
out of the window. And yet again on
arriving at the vestry and finding they
have brought the wrong sermon they
swear by slamming it down on the YES
try table All these varieties of obliga-
ton (the parrots eXcepted) constitute
a mode of swearing which is inartcu-
late, but offensive. In contrast with
this is the opposite method which is ar
ticulate, but inoffensive.
Bother it," says woman when her
sewing thread breaks, or "Confound
it!'' when the baby spills cup of coffee
over the tablecloth.
"What the dickeus!" says man, or
"Well I'll be hangedr' or if he be re-
fined up-stater, he adds to the gayety of
his cousins of the city by such phrase
as Gosh durn it!' This kind of obiur-
cation bears the same relation to swear
ing proper as temperance beverages
bears to malt liquors.
For improfane swearing in its most
killing form one can be commended to
the prophets ancient and modern. All
other modes of malediction are as water
and wine compared with their volcanic
outbursts of white-hot lava, their scorch-
ing blasts of imprecation that would
shrivel up an iceberg. Hot as the Har-
mattan, sanguine as the simeon, terri
BILE as an army with banners, is the
prophet when he gets properly wound
up.
''Woe unto the wicked, it shall be il
with him; for the reward of his hanC
shall be given him."
''WOe unto them that draws iniquity
with cords of vanity and sin as it were
with rope"
''Woe unto them that call evil gooc
and good evil; that put darkness foi
light and light for darkness; that put
bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter. ,
And he is quite right.