davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-12-10
KASrARiLLA

T1is sterling household remedy is most
successfully prescribed for a world of
troubles" For arrangements of the di-
gestive organs it is natural corrective,
operating directly upon the liver and ali
mentary canal, gently but persistently
stimulating a healthful activity. Its
beneficial influence extends, however, to
every portion of the system, aiding in the
processes of digestion and assimilation of
food, promoting a wholesome, natural
appetite, correcting sour stomach, bad
breath, irregularities of the bowels, con-
stipation and the long list of troubles
directly traceable to those unwholesome
conditions. Kasparila dispels drowsi-
ness, headache, backache and despond-
ency due to inactivity of the liver
kidneys and digestive tract. 1t is a
Strengthening tonic of the highest value.
If 1t fails to satisfy we authorize all
dealers to refund the purchase price.
HoYr CHEMICAL Co. Portland, Oregon
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-12-10
Lame Back Preservation

The increased use of whiskey for
lame back rheumatism is causing con-
siderable discussion among the medical
fraternity. 1t is an almost infallible
cure when mixed with certain other in
gradients and taken properly. The fol
lowing formula is effective: ITO one
half pint of good whiskey add one
ounce of Toris Compound and one ounce
Syrup Sarsaparilla Compound. Take
in tablespoonful doses before each meal
and before retiring"
Toris compound is product of the
laboratories of the Globe Pharmaceuti-
cal Co., Chicago, but it as we'll as the
other ingredients can be had from any
good druggist.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-12-10

"Well, good-hy, dear!" said Mr.. True
boy to his beloved spouse. Il must go
and dictate those letters twenty-six OF
them-so you mustn't expect me home
very early"
"All right" was the response. But
| wish you wouldn't work so hard"
Half an hour later, Mr.. Trueboy en-
tered his club and sat down, with three
others, at a card table.
Just moment, you fellows, before
the first hand is dealt. I've got to keep
my word with my wife. One Of you
just take down what dictate: "A b c
d 8 j j N nopqr uvw
y h. There. Those letters are OF
my mind
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-12-10
APH HNs "a, E;':;;: s.; H: !; :;:., :i:.


A school teacher in the Italian qua r.
ter of an American city told her chill
dren the story Of the fox and the
grapes. Tony was especially delighted
with the story, and eagerly sought his
chum, Joe, who was in another class.
By good luck, the teacher overheard
Tony's version.
In his excited, broken English he
told the fable much as it was written.
until he came to the end This was his
rendering of the climax
de olda fox he say, 'Da grape no
good, anyhow; ALA sour. | guess |
60 geta de banan.'"
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-12-10
Illustrating Ii.

Josiah" asked Mrs. Chugwater, look
ng up from the newspaper she was read
.ng, what is a 'homestretch'?"
This. answered Mr.. Chugwater. lean
ng back in his easy chair. slowly extend
sg his arms at right angles with his
Aody. and accompanying the exercise with
8 dismal yawn. You've seen me do it d
'~''e""d tirHoS. ."--ChicsSo Tribune.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-12-10
Her Impromptu Conundru

you called on Miss Tartun and she
greeted you with Why, Mr. Sorreltop"
Well, what was there in that harmless
exclamation to offend you, Percy"
Yes, but she-er-didn't punctuate it
that way. She said Why Mr.. Sorrel-
topF"
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-12-10

Mrs. Pneubride Cat telephone Hello
Is that the health department?
Voice-Yes.
Mrs. Pneubride-I wish you would send
one of your officers to 697 Bilgus street
This house is full of cockroa ches. Chi
cago Tribune.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-12-10
HEALTH VERY POOR
RESTORED BY PE-RU-NA
Catarrh twenty-five Years.
Had a Bad COUGH

Miss Sophia Kittleson, Evanston,
H., writes:
81 have been troubled with catarrh
for nearly twenty-five years and have
tried many cures for it, but obtained
very little help.
"Then my brother advised me to try
Peruna, and | did.
"My health was very poor at the
time began taking Peruna. My
throat was very sore and l had bad
cough.
"Peruna has cured me. The chronic
catarh is gone and my health is very
much improved"
| recommend Peruna to all my
friends who are troubled as | was"
PtRUNA TABLETS: S:-Some people pre-
fer tablets, rather than medicine in a
fluid form. Such people can obtain Pc
runa tablets, which represent the
medicinal ingredients of Peruna. Each
tablet equals one average dose of Pc
runa.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-12-10
Nv Ear.

Stranger (on horseback )-Uncle, what
is the price of oats to-day?
Uncle Jed (sitting on the fence) We
don't sell our votes in these diggin's, mis-
ter. Be you a candidate?
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-12-10

Ostend-Pa, what do they mean when
they say Money Is easy" in Wall
street?
Pa-They mean that 1t Is easy, nv
son, because they have Just gotten it
from easy people.
Ostend-Then why can't we get It?
Pa-Because those that have q hold
on 1t are not easy.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-12-10
Hoods Sarsapari'Ia


Teacher-Tommy, do you know what
latitude is?
Tommy-Yes, ma'am. It's distance
north and south of the Chicago river
Chicago Tribune.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-12-10
Triumph of Human Nature,

Them seventeen mothers in the VII
iage mothers club agreed to decide by
ballot which had the handsomest baby"
well. who won it?'
''Each Kid got one vote"-Judge
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-12-10
JuXenila XirY

kitty" said her mother, rebukingly,
you must sit still when you are at the
table"
Il can't, mamma" protested the little
girl I'm a fidqntarian"
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-12-10
Man-a-Iin the Ideal Laxative
Ask Your Druggist for a free Peruna
Almanac for 1909.

The St. Petersburg correspondent OF
the London Mail says that ear drums
made of thin leaves of silver are being
used in the Russian military hospitals for
diseases Of the ear. to replace defective
organs.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-12-10
Ten ute Bulletins.

Hiram Burrows-IIow's yer chawin'
terbacker Ezra?
Ezra Skinner reluctantly producing
plug) fast; l don't expect it
to last the day out.-Puck.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-12-10

The police justice looked at the bat
tered, disreputable specimen of manhood
before him and turned to the policeman.
Officer" he asked, what is the com.
plant"
"Rheumatiz, y'r honor" spoke up the
prisoner, answering for hmself.-Chicag 20
Tribune.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-12-10
Particulars Nequired.

Kitty. wosldn't you like to know
something about Esperanto?"
''Do you have to learn to play it, or Is
1t something you eatT
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-12-10

From TIL 10 p. M.
Talk about your moving pictures that
they charge a dime to see,
Well. they may be real amusing, but
just take tip from me:
There's a transparent curtain and two
"spooners' on our street.
Talk about your moving pictures-well,
we guess We have them beat.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-12-10

There are now over 2J00O0 words in
the English language acknowledged by the
best authorities, or about 10000 more
than In the German, French, Spanish and
Italian languages combined
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-12-10
he HOrsem en-.

A veterinary surgeon pronounced a
hunter to be afflicted with an incur
able disease.
What had better do?" queried the
owner to his groom.
We'll, sir was the reply, ''con.
scientiously speaking. | should part
with him to another gentleman."- Tit
Bits.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-12-10
To AXGil MisiukeS

II want bottle of Rybolds Extract '
said the prominent politician of the
'Steenth ward, stepping into drug store.
"Rybold's Extract" queried the drug
gist. That's a medicine | never heard
of before
Il never heard of it. either, until to-day,
but I'm under contract to write a testi-
monial for it, and | want to find out what
diseases 1t claims to be good for"
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-12-10

What has become of the old-faShioned
woman who had her photograph taken
with one hand holding half-opened
book?
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-12-10

Mothers viii find Mrs winslow's SOOTHING
syrup the best remedy to use for their CHI ldr 9n
during the teething period.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-12-10
He CDuII Nnt Tell n Lie.

Inquiring Lady-llow much MIX
does your COW give a day?
Truthful Boy Bout twelve quarts,
lady.
Inquiring Lady-And how much OF
that do you sell?
Truthful Boy-'Bout twelve quarts,
lady-IIuman Life.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-12-10
You Can Get Aliens Foot-Fase FREE.

Write Allen S. Olmsted, lie Roy, \. v. for a
free sample OF Aliens Foot-Ease 1t cures
sweating not swollen, aching feet. 1t makes
rorns. ingrowng nails and bunions, All drug
giStS SELL 25c. Don't accept any substitute
Let's fee from this odous world, May,
And go to the land of frothess sodas.
thumbless walters and countless de-
lights; where your pipe doesn't go
out every few minutes and you
don't have 10 tramp ten miles to
get check cashed
Yale Record
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-12-10

l am sorry you can't be my bride May,
But my father won't give his consent,
And il he, in rage, cut me off, May,
Why | never could pay for our rent
But why should we live any more? May,
In death we should not be apart.
| suffer alone. and am seized, May,
With a grief that is soaring my heart
So let's hee from the odious world. Nav,
Where there's nothing but troubles and
cares,
Ah, won't it be grand, when we two, hand
in hand,
Are climbing the golden stairs?
EITC St. Vitus' Dance Diseases perma
- nently cured by DR.. ines Great Nerve Re.
storer Send for FREE 50 90 trial bottle and
Dr. r. II. Kline, Id. 95l Arch St, Philadelphia, Pa.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-01-31
ARGENTINA oREers FLoTILLA
Led by Home Boats, Americans Enter
6uenos Ayres Harbor.

Bucnos Ayres, Jan, 27.-AttenGed
by a division of Argentina torpedo
boats, the American torpedo boat flo
tiila, which EFT Rio Janeiro, Jan, q.
entered the port of Buenos Ayres at
$3.50 O. m, the arrival being witnessed
by a great crowd of spectators. A
few minutes later Commander Moreno
OF the ministry OF marine vent aboard
the Whipple and welcomed the Amer
lean officers in behalf OF the govern
ment of the Argentine republic. The
entire extent OF the public docks,
where berths had been prepared for
the visiting fleet, was lined by de-
tachments OF marines and prefecture
guards. Almost up to the moment OF
entering port the weather had been
extremely stormy, but 1t gradually
cleared and brought increased mum
Ders of spectators down to the harbor
to give silent, but hearty, welcome 10
tie American sailors. On entering the
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-01-31

C.aln one 5s the tugs wnicn a .ne
torpedo boats in tow was cast Oil.
leaving the tug E%nriqueta to conduct
the Whipple to her mOoringS. LieL.
tenant Cone, commander of the 70
tilla, was greatly p.eased w,tn the
hearty reception. Tno americans wei
met by the Argentina hotilla Oh
Flores island The we.Coming fleet Sd
luted and steamed around the nDti,
and TOR hall an hour there wa q.
warm exchange OF greetings. Com
mander Cone subsequent boar,
the Argentine flagship and the trip to
this port was continued.
Every boat in the American notilla
is in excellent condition ana mae
the passage here without a hitch the
boats Will rema.n here until Thursday
morning. when they VIII steam for
sandy Point, in the Magellan strait
to join the b~attleship feet.
a number of entertainments have
been arranged in honor OF the visitors.
which will include excursions to inter
esting points, a banquet to he given
by the minister of marine and recop.
tons by the president of the republic
and the naval club These will take
mp today and tomorrow, and on Wed.
nosday there will he u reception at
the American legation and a number
Of private parties.
1t is expected that the Argentine
squadron, which has been ordered to
meet the American battleships and
escort them down the coast, will come
into communication with the Pacific
fleet about 125 miles out from Cape
Corrlentes today. The bartleships
left Rio Janeiro on Jan. %.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-01-31
Vessels Limp Into Port.

New York, Jan. 27.-Tales of a ship.
wreck at sea and possible loss of life
are the echoes Of the recent severe
storm that were brought to port by
belated and tempest-tossed steam
ships.
Fears that an unknown three.masted
lost in the storm off the Delaware
capes are expressed by officers of the
steamer Mamma Hata, which limped
into harbor from Baltimore. The
schooner was seen struggling in the
trough of the sea off the Delaware
capcs.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-01-31
SToCKMEN VISIT sHELDoN
ASK That cnsnsss ee Made in Guar
antine Proclamation.

LINCOLN. Jan. accomplishing that
baB quarantine proclamation against
mango and Itch in cattle is working a
hardship to the live stock industry In
this state. Governor Sheldon was Wis
tied by stockmcn of the range country
aad representatives Of the South Oma'
ha stock yards, who asked that
changes he made IN his proclamation.
Accompanying the delegation vas
safe Veterinarian MCkim and DR..
Melbourne of the government bureau
AMI Drs. Clark and Ramsey, Colorado
inspectors. The complaint was that
t%s proclamation was too general, and
%pregentod shipments from localities
where no disease existed. II was also
asserted tina. lack OF funds, both state
and government, prevented inspection
IL herds. ven when the owners de
ared il. One range stock owner said
ne was willing to pay inspection
charges himself if he could eCurc III
authorized inspector. Governor Shei.
hon told the delegation to draft regu.
l%ations, and If they did not violate the
statutes and were reasonable he would
consent to the changes.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-01-31
PRESERVED FOODS KILL MANY
Or. Wiley Shows Great Dangers ir
Use of Adultecants.

Washington, Jan. 25.-Dr. II. w.
try OF the department OF agriculture,
reported to the house committee on
agriculture the results OF experiments
conducted by the bureau to determine
tho poisonous effect ON the human
system of such drugs as boraX. ben.
zoic acid. benZoate of sodc, sulphate
of copper. sulphur dioxldc, formaldc.
hyde and salicylic acid when on.
tanned in foOdstdtts. DR.. Wiley said
that the expulsion of those and kin.
dred drugs IRON the body is performed
almost entirely by the kidneys. and
that he is satisfied the term Of Amer.
lean life would be heightened if the
use of such drugs in foods were wholly
discontinued. He said he was con.
WINGED that kidney disease, so preva.
lent among Americans, is partly the
result of constant introduction in the
system OF such preservative sub.
stances as benzoate of soda carried in
foods.
The committee was informed by DR..
Wiley of plans to teach the farmers
of the United States to make dena.
tured alcohol. Next August he pro-
poses to erect a still at the bureau of
chemistry and operate it himself for
two or three months, producing dena.
tured alcohol daily from damaged fruit
and vegetable substances. He has in.
vited the agricultural colleges of each
state to send representatives to Wash
ington to observe his still and master
the process of distillation. The law
permitting the free distillation of de-
natured alcohol" said DR.. Wiley, has
not benefited the farmers of the
country at all. for they do not know
how to build n still or run one. | pro
pose to teach them through the agri
cultural colleges. If they want to learn.
Denatured alcohol is an excellent fuel
and makes a fine light. AS it can be
manufactured from farm waste. the
farmers ought to avail themselves of
the new law permitting it to be made
without imposition Of a ven tax
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-01-31
Mohler Makes rurrner Reduction.

Cheyenne, Wyo., Jan. 2S.-Supple.
menting the order of Saturday, issued
by Vice President Mohler, reducing
tho work in the Union Pacific shops
to five days per week. the order was
posted here reducing it still further,
to three days per week, apparently in
pursuance OF the policy Of retrench'
ment which Mr.. Mohler is quoted as
saying would be followed as long as
the presidents attacks on corporations
continued.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-01-31
Nebraska Adopts Texas Rule.

Lincoln, Jan. 2S.-No more railway
stations can be established OF closed
in Nebraska without the permission
of the state railway commission AT
= meeting OF the commission a rule
similar to the one in force in Texas
was adopted. The adoption of the
rule does not give to OF take from the
power of the commission TO regulate
such matters, but is merely notice to
tho railroads,
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-01-31
Lack Of

A party returning home in hired
what inebriated.
Paterfamiiias (who at a hill climbs
on to the box at the request of mater
familias)-Give me the relns.
Coachman-'Ave you hever druv down
this ere Ill afore?
Pater taking the reins)-No, l have
not.
Coachman-Then I'll walk. Does
so.)--London Punch.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-01-31
Rainbow Trout for Nebraska Streams.

lincoln, Jan. 2S,-Suporintendent
O'Brien of the state fisheries is in Lin
coin, going home from Valentine,
Neb. He has been there with 200 900
brook trout eggs to place in the sub
hatchery at that place. In April he
will take a lot of rainbow trout eggs
there for Matching, TO be scattered in
the streams of northern Nebraska,
wherever conditions are favorable to
their existence.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-01-31
Clever Retort.

"Yes, l am going to marry Mr.. Bull
lion" .
"Why, he is old enough to be your
father!"
II know he is, but unfortunately he
doesn't seem to care for mother
Louisville Courier-Journal.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-01-31
LAMBERT MUST SERVE ONE YEAR
Supreme Court Afirms Sentence I'm.
posed Upon Father Schelrs AssaiIant.

posed Upon Father ScheiI's AssaiIant.
bncoln, Jan. 25.-LOgan Lambert, o
former saloon keeper and alleged
'~BOotlegger" among the Indians on
the reservation III Thurston county,
must serve a sentence Of one year in
the pcnitentiary for assault on Father
Joseph Schell, a Catholic priest. This
wa the decision of the supreme court.
Father Schoil was active in prevent.
ing the illegal sale OF liquor to the
Indians, ana incurred the enmity Of
some OF the saloon men. In April,
1905. at Dakota City, Father Schell,
while in the town in attendance at a
trial, was assaulted by Lambert,
knocked down, and his jawbone
broken. Lambert was arrested, tried
and tho lower court sentenced him to a
year in the penitentiary. He appealed
IA the ground that the sentence was
excessive, but the supreme court af.
armed the sentence. Father Schell
gained prominence by his activity in
denouncing alleged land frauds prac.
ticed against the Indians.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-01-31
American Ship Founders at Sea.

Honolulu, Jan. 2S.--The American
ship Eclipse, laden with "A cargo of
coal. in command of Captain G. B.
Larsen, and bound from Newcastle,
Australia, TO San Francisco, f%oundered
in latitude 80 north and longitude 1866
west. All the members of the crew
took to the boats. Three men died
from exhaustion before reaching land.
Captain Larsen, the mate and eleven
men landed at Hama.
model husbands the nOblest WOTs
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-01-31
FATAL AFFRAY AT elLcHRisT
Frank McNess Killed In a Fight With
Delbert MaIcott.

Aurora. Neb., Jan. 2S.-Frank Nc.
Ness Is dead at G~ilchrist, this county,
as the result of a fight with Delbert
WalCott OF the same place. Both of
The participants in the fight are young
men and unmarried.
The two mon had an alteration in
q pool hall and this led to blows. The
TWO men clinched and fell to the floor,
with Walcott on top. Several more
blows were exchanged and the by.
ISLANDERS then interfered. Walcott
arose, but McNess was unable to re-
gain his feet. Efforts were made to
revive him, but they were unavailing.
be dying in n few minutes, only speak.
ing u few words.
SO far as can be ascertained, no
weapons other thar fists were used by
either of the participants in the af-
fray. and it is thought death was
caused by conclusion of the brain.
Walcott is in Jail here.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-01-31
+ r
URGE REVISION OF TARIFF
National Board OF Trade Adopts Reso.
iutions and Adjourns.

Washington, Jan. 24.-Thc National
Board OF Trade concluded its sessions
mere with the adoption OF a number
of important resolutions, among them
being one urging an expeditions re-
vision OF the tariff and indorsing the
proposition for the creation of a per.
manent tariff commission. 1t was
unanimously agreed that the president
and congress should be peti;.Oaed to
take immediate steps to bring about
reciprocity trade treaties between the
United States and other countries.
Postmaster General Meyers propo-
sition for the establishment of a pos.
tai saving bank was commended.
The National Board OF Trade went
on record in calling upon congress to
clearly define the status OF the tariff
with reference to our insular posses
sions. Resolutions also were adopted
commencing the administrations pol.
icy in the preservation of the national
forests and the redemption OF the arid
lands by irrigation.
The following officers were unani.
mOusly elected to serve during the en-
suing yenr: President, Frank d. La
lame OF Philadelphia; first vice presi.
dent, =. NJ. Estes of Nashville, Tenn;
second vice president, Clinton Whits
of Boston; treasurer, William r.
Tucker of Philadelphia.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-01-31
Pesri Banks of Ceyion.

In a report from Colombo the Unit.
ed States consul says that of the
worlds great fisheries none can com
pare either in point of antiquity or in
the continuity of their prosecution
with the pearl fisheries OF Ceylon,
which he thus describes: THE pearl
banks of Ceylon date back to the sixth
century before Christ. 1t is recorded
that Vijaya. the first S~inghaiese king
of Ceylon, In the year $50 II. c. pre-
scented his fathcr-in-law, the Pandyai,
king of Madura, "A gift of pearls thus
indicating n settled fishery for pearls
on the coast of his dominion prior to
the historic date
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-01-31
Grain Dealers v Federal Inspection

Lincoln, Jan. 23.-At q meeting of
The Nebraska Farmer Grain Dealers
association a resolution was passed
declaring for the system of federal SUI.
pervislon over gram grading and
weighing. particular reference being
made to the practice of boards OF
trade OF some central markets. b. X.
Beal OF Kansas City read a paper on
federal inspection of grain, in which
he advocated such legislation as pro
posed in the bill of Senator McCum-
Der Of North Dakota.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-01-31

A model husbands the noblest wors
or ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Star.
The Red Cloud chief., 1908-01-31
TIIAW ENEAR END
ALiENlST5 NOW SWEAR IT WAS
"fdArIG.LG.nESSlNE." INSANITY.

Attorney for Prisoner Reads Hypo'
thctICal question ~Emoody,n9 EVi'
dence m ais .asc-P. o~s--ut.on Be
Gins It's LNegnCe IN t.Cu@ttal.