The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1908-06-13
TOWN TALK
BY THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.

l went to last nights meeting OF
the Commotion Committee fully ex-
pecting we would take up the matter
of whether Baptists or Bryan Demo-
Gratis are to be employed on the Pearl
Parks job, l should say at Pearl Har-
Dor, but it turned out to be a social
session and Brecky Bobkins, Cham
peen Commotioner banged the table
with his unslapped wrist and loudly
called for disorder.
Booster rolled in, tightly holding
tourist by the collar and the granger
within our states was tickled till ne
promised to make a speech.
II was looking for moving picture
show" said the innocent, land they
told me to follow the biggest crowd
and I'd find one, but the biggest crowd
was surging into a cathedral on Fort
street. | got in the wake of the second
biggest crowd and wound up at a
show 1t was great l saw man
put two women into a hand-satchel,
fat fellow automobiling in a runaway
bed, sword swal over and a steam
boat explosion. But l wanted excite
ment, so l came here, thinking to
hide behind Scotty. But Booster has
discovered meh!"
This was not considered a stunt,
SO the Great Commotioner himself put
one hand on his heart and with the
other recited the following beautiful
malady:
If 1 were only king of Honolulu,
I'd turn Oahu into Coney Isle;
I'd teach the Jersey COWS 10 do tn hl,a
To economic on churning for while.
I'd have hanging gardens, esplanades
and fountains,
And music halls and lunar parks and
things,
For if l were only king of Honolulu,
Id be the very jolliest of kings.
Outrageous" cried Lyle Dickey and
Molten Airs in segregated breaths.
Passing mimeographed copies of
what he was about to say to the press
representatives, Thwing got back at his
brother in the law with this indict-
| ment:
am the only Thwing of Honolulu
And / blush to even think of Coney
Isle.
It is rude to teach the moody COWS
to hu'a,
. Besides, it's not approved by me and
| Lyle.
There are plenty hanging gardens in
the mountains,
And music halls and lunar parks are
wrong.
The only proper king for Honolulu
Is who am the singer of this song
81 hear Satan is going to edit a
monthly" said Slogan, resignedly.
'I'll bet it's punk" said Annie Marie
Prosegot.
"We're publishing the Paradise and
it's up to Satan to do something for
his precinct" said Queen Eleanor
| Ylang-Y!ang.
Its to be neither political, religious
nor immoral" whispered Mathedaugn-
ter.
"Whatoft?" urged Conkling, there's
no publication here now that is immo-
ral religious or political"
whats the matter with the Ad-
vertiser, Star and Bulletin, in the order
named?" gently inquired Albright.
In belch of yellow smoke, with
pink SCOT trimmings and smell OF
electricity and bean soup blended
Liquid Transit Commissioner Ballen-
tyne and Scotty Weston entered with
their arms around each other and tied
together as for a three-legged race
kissing their fingers to the congrega'
ton they both started singing at the
same time. creating weird effect fol
their words were different.
The Liquid 1'raDsitioner, with Ill
depressed emotion gave birth to the
hereinafter spa5pl:
I'm booze bureau boss
And / like it because
1 get an opportunity to
Rub, rub, rub;
To lay it on thick,
Tho not with a big stick"
For | much prefer pounding
With a club.
Canadian Club" shouted Skeesick'
(don't you know who Skeesicks is?)
Scotty, who had been eating frog
legs and contracted a French accent
used this language:
lie ISIS re grande commissionaire,
re naughty, naughty confiscaire,
lie Monsieur Ba.lentyne.
pray re heaven for one thing.
He nevaire wiz re angels sing,
But hat to go wiz Monsieur Thwing,
Reforming down re line"
Doing a sword dance they terminated
their share of the ecstacy amid erie
of In the Shade of the Old Palm Tree
> till Molten Airs blew to the platform
, | ---.-.s...- NE.v.,, XKT{dnut hot Kayrr a he,