davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Detroit times., 1908-02-14

Buy Your Clothes from the Great Cen
trail American Second-Ha Company,
ia Houndsditch E. c.
And today old Joe sits In his mag
nificent office In Oxford-st. and has
eight directors and a special cable
code in which he communicates with
his branch Offices at New York, Brus-
sells and Paris. He has married real
lady and receives kings on his yacht,
and when anybody speaks OF his ar
rival in London. OF Nathaniel VIII
rauch, and the bogus dollar, he re-
plies In the most amiable way:
Il beg your pardon, sir. you are
mistaken; that happened not TO me;
but to my grandfather"
The Detroit times., 1908-02-14
By
Richard
Fielder
HOW 1T IS DONE

speech in his most dignified manner:
Gentlemen, the day OF today inaug-
urates a new era in the old clothes
business OF this famous market. But
before I go any further l ask you 10
tell me upon your word and honor.
whether you are satisfied with this
market or notY"
Replies OF all kinds came from ev-
erywhere, and for few moments
there was a terrible shouting and
laughing. Old Joe calmly waited IN
til quiet had been restored and then
said: II notice that you are not, and
why haven't you been satisfied? Be-
cause you have not had the proper
goods. The goods are now here. The
American concern which | represent
tells you through me, nay even more,
1t shows to you through me. i ask
you TO give me your attention"
He took the first coat he could get
from a bundle in front OF him. put 1t
on and turned slowly around In front
of his audience.
Gentlemen, English goods is Eng.
lish goods, and / say nothing against
It, only ask you--is that fit? Does
that coat ft me? Do you like the col
lar?--I lave very little time-16 shil-
lings and six pence. Don't crowd,
please. you will all be served, for we
have forty thousand suits In stock"
An hour later old Joe had cleaned
out Nathanieps stock. bought two
other stores and the next morning the
Great American Secondhand Cloth
ing Company" began business on G
large scale.
At all docks special longshoremen
we're engaged who. standing In con
spicuous places, showed their com
rades elegant suits and overcoats
which they had bought from the con
Germ and in front of all the big fac
tories at Eastend and Whitechapel
were special buses waiting on Satur-
day nights which carried the working.
men that had just been paid of direct.
ly into old Joe's arms, and through ali
the streets OF London there marched
every day in Indian file elegantly
dressed men carrying big posters with
the inscription:
This Is How You May Look II You
The Detroit times., 1908-02-14
For Homes Where Coal
Bills Are Falling Due

fence OF his neighbor's cat. At last, In
despair, he consulted his lawyer.
There sits the cat every night on
our fence" explained the unhappy
man, ''and he yowls and yowls and
yowls. Now. don't want to have any
trouble with this neighbor. but the
thing has gone far enough. and want
you to suggest q remedy"
The lawyer looked solemn and said
not q word
Il am well within my rights II !
shoot the cat, am not?" asked the
sufferer.
Il would hardly say that" replied
the legal light "The cat does not be-
long to you, az ! understand IT.
NO"
"And the fence does?"
Yes" AM
Then" concluded the lawyer. II
think II safe TO say that you have a
perfect right to tear down the fence"
Fierce Critics.
Dick--How IL your woman's club get.
ting ON these days. - -
Eva--F1he. I am on the hanging
committee now.
Dick==Hansing commitfsSs Do you
hang pictures?
Eva-Oh, no. The hanging com.
mittee" sits at the club windows on
rainy dayB and criticises the hang OF
their sfstsua' skirts 90 the latter pass
on<e3de- -
The Detroit times., 1908-02-14

said, and most talking was done by
gesture OF hands and Struggling OF
shoulders.
Old Joe didn't stop long 20 look at
this scene. After moments hesitation
he turned to one OF the small stands ia
a dark corner where Nathaniel Weih.
rarch was sitting behind his modest
stock, sad and melancholy because the
mass OF people passed by his place
without as much as giving look
Il beg you. SIR old Joe said, touch
ing his hat, would you please tell me
where the old clothes bazaar is?'
The bazaar, why, old man, you are
right in the center of II"
This" old Joe cried, with an ex
preston OF deep contempt, do you
call this a bazaar? Why. IT can't be
anything but a joke"
II admit that business Is little dull
today. but prices are not going down
Are you looking for anything in par
ticular. in black or maybe In sport
ing suits?"
We'll, really. | don't know. hadn't
thought OF doing anything. but whai
will you take for your whole stock
Nathaniel looked up In surprise.
You are a wholesale dealer?"
"Of course. One OF the greatest In
the world I'm president Of the Grand
Central of America"
The old dealer looked at him admir-
lngly, put down some figures on Q
slip of paper and bashfully whispered
the price.
"rll give you half OF that" Joe re.
Piled. "cash down In an hour. Alright
Good. And now must go on"
And without saying another word old
Joe mounted a platform. took on his
coat and roared in voice which was
heard all over the place: Gentle
men-"
Everybody looked at him. The deal
ers were disguised, but the loafers
were delighted. All, however, were
anxious tc see what was to come next
Once more came the shout: Gentle
men,"
The whole crowd commenced 70
edge closer TO Nathaniel's booth, ask
ing him all sorts OF questions, until old
Joe reared: Gentlemen, one mo
ments quiet" Then he began his
The Detroit times., 1908-02-14

Home. Now.
- TlEIN LlEBER LOOEY-ve hat
IM receifed your letter from Ma
Ill con, Chorchia, und We vas glat
= your healt' demands der alb
sence OF doctor.
We vas all veil at home NIT der eggs
ception dot hat lately been reading
dot book of philosossify vich vas au-
thorshipped many years ago by Mar
Gus Aurelius und | would wish TO put
ia dis letter, Looey, some OF my own
meditations yust for your own per-
sonal use und ! would ask you, Looey,
dcan'd show dem to no vun else,
please.
Listen, Looey-A hypocrick Is man
dot says pleasant things abouid you
und calls himself liar vile he Is
bidding H.
Der man dot nefer makes a kick Is
pretty sure to get kicked himself
sooner or lateness.
Der finish or der Knocker vas swift
und his funeral chant vas sung by a
chorus OF clans, vich Is der silentest
bird in der world.
Der best succeeders In dis world IL
dem dot depend on homemade sue
cess.
A financial bonfire vas der noblest
work. of some Society Smart Settlers.
Der man dot knows ven TO beat a
The Detroit times., 1908-02-14
The Times
Evening
| Story

(vaYl ITH a bogus silver dollar and
MI the firm intention TO conquer
IHt England by American inteili-
U gence. old Joe from Newport.
XIV, arrived one morning in
London. After having sold the iaise
dollar TO an Irishman at the depot
for three shillings, he treated him.
self to some breakfast and two glasses
OF whisky, got his shoes shined and
started out TO do buiness.
What kind OF business he was TO
take up and for who he was TO do II
did not interest him very much, as
these were mere details which would
easily arrange themselves. He didn't
ask anybody TO give him any informa-
ton about the streets OF the city.
but simply followed the enormous
crowd of people that poured across the
London bridge into the city. he
walked even faster than the clerks,
who were afraid OF being late. comDed
his hair while he was running. read
two morning papers, nodded In
friendly way to the Bank OF England
and the Exchange, and thus at iast
reached that part of London inhablt-
ed for centuries by people who know
only one kind OF business and one
kind OF smell. that OF old clothes.
Here old Joe stopped and looked
about. He found himself In the open
market hall where for hundreds Of
years has been the greatest transac-
tons In old clothes in the whole world.
Along the walls were booths full OF
clothes worn by the last few genera
tons OF Londoners. and where thous-
ands OF Prince Albert coats, evening
coats and tuxedos, besides enormous
bundles OF trousers. vests and busi-
ness coats done up by the hundred
for the wholesale trade. There were
whole armies OF WORKOUT shoes. shape
less hats, quaint old umbrellas and
canes, neckties and underwear. in
front OF the booths were crowds
of customers and curiosity seekers.
Working men, sailors, clerks, buyers
from the colonies, not TO forget the
compact mass of loafers TO be found
anywhere In London where there Is
easy money TO be made or stolen.
Trade was quite lively. but as the ma
jority were foreigners very little was
The Detroit times., 1908-02-14
Dinkelspiel's Eppy Grams
BY GEORGE v. HOBART.

retreat Is der same man dot some
times beats der races.
Der man dot vas driven to drink
would hat walked dare anyway.
Der bottom dollar Is der best dollar
IL you haf udder dollars to keep 1t at
der bottom.
Ven ignorance insults you It vas
folly to be a wise guy.
vun-half der world is afraid 1t Viii
nefer get der chance to do der uddsr
half.
Der most popular motive power of
der day is der man dot chollies udder
peoples along.
Some people start ouid4 to do right
but Fate hands dem a transfer.
A man mitouid enemies IL der same
relation to dis earth as chelly-nsh
Is to der ocean.
Rich peoples hat troubles vich poor
peoples can meier enchoy.
Temptation always years rubber
shoes und speaks NIT visper.
Yours NIT luh,
ID. DINKELsPIEI.
Per George v. Hobart.
The Detroit times., 1908-02-14

EaTl ITH a bogus silver dollar and
IM the firm intention TO conquer
lJUl England by American inteili-
gence. old Joe from Newport,
Uv arrival one u1OrninC IN
The Detroit times., 1908-02-14

He observes the brooklyn bridge.
originally designed to facilitate trafic
between Manhattan and Brooklyn, but
now used to delay il.
The Detroit times., 1908-02-14
Eighth Year

This is campaign year, times
are a little hard and we are all
perhaps a little too busy TO de-
vote much thought to the matter
of health, but this paper has a
few suggestions to make to Its
readers along that line and hopes
IL doesn't intrude.
The question of our health IS
one that gets little thought in the
hustle and hustle of these hurry
The Detroit times., 1908-02-14
The Lure of the
METROPOLIS
BY WEEK JONES.


In 1EHoLD the proud New Yorker.
Xxi citizen OF the greatest. rich
D est, hnstlingest city thar
He gets up In the morning cold ana
shiyering, because there is no steam
ana ne Is afraid 10 tell the janitor
what he thinks about IL.
he goes into the Subway and pays
nve cents for a seat. getting therefor
part OF small strap. Later he writes
TO the public service commissfcss for
redress. and receives instead sympar
thy. which doesn't make the cars
any the less crowded.
Emerging from the Subway. he
staggers through slush and snow
banks. which he finds covers the
streets. despite the $685.. 900 he helps
to pay for snow removal
He passes the Hall OF Records.
which he gets In exchange for S.
VO0.OOO-enough To build a few capt.
tolls.
He observes the Rrnnlxlyn bridge.
originally designed to facilitate traffic
between Manhattan and Brooklyn. bur
now used to delay it.
He watches the city firemen endeay-
oring TO extinguish fire, an effort in
which the administration helps them
by providing hose guaranteed to burst
under the slightest strain.
He sees nothing strange in two
years struggle TO convict an irrespon-
sible and the peaceable lives OF those
who have cunningly looted banks and
sucked the profits out Of corporations.
He goes to withdraw part OF his
| savings and comes upon a line slow
ly dissolving as the bank swings its
doors shut, with safe full Of direc-
tors notes.
He reads that the stock which had
threatened such slump that he sold
1t, having passed into the proper con-
troll. Is now going up like an express
elevator.
He agrees that the city needs a
greater water supply, OF course, at the
lowest price, only TO find that the low.
est bid for the Ashoken dam Is re-
jected In favor OF one for $2,434.425
more.
Rejecting upon this waste OF mil.
lions. he places cent In an automat-
ic candy machine, only TO discover
that 1t doesn't work. Complaining OF
this. he is told to write two-cent
letter and he will be reimbursed his
penny.
| Finally he meets a friend from We,
natchee. Wash, and delivers himself
as follows:
You're only a vegetable outside
of New York A man gets the best
OF everything here-no place like II.
why. the rest OF the country's an
The Detroit times., 1908-02-14

Finally he meets friend from We,
natchee. Wash. and delivers himself
as follows: -
You're only a vegetable outside
of New York A man gets the best
OF everything here--no place like II.
why. the rest OF the country's an
annex. Live here month and you'll
only quit TO be buried"
whereupon the barbarian from the
state OF Washington sells his apple
orchard and his flower garden and
house and comes to live in fiat and
get the best OF everything.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1908-06-05
COMMENCEMENT EXERCISES AT
COLUMBIA COLLEGE

May so witnessed the beginning of
commencement at Columbia College,
Lake City, which consisted of an eX-
hibition of work done by the mission
airy and sewing classes, and which
reflected great credit on those by
whose hands the materials were
wrought.
At $50 p. m, the champion debate
took place between four young men of
the college. Subject: Resolved, That
labor unions are a menace TO the
prosperity of a country"
Senators Palmer and Carson and
Attorney Hodges, as judges, decided
In favor OF the affirmative. Senator
Palmer declared the effort one of the
best and most interesting and in
structive he had ever heard.
Sunday morning at II o'clock DR..
Hobson of Jacksonville preached the
commencement sermon to one of the
largest and most interested audiences
ever assembled in Lake City.
DIR. HObson was al mis- best and
many who heard him say the dis
course was superior to anything they
had ever listened to.
Many persons are in attendance
from all parts of Florida
The exercises will continue till
Monday night, when the student body
will depart for their homes until
next session. when it is confidently
believed that more than 500 pupils
will be enrolled.
Sunday at 4:30 O'Clock college lie
was freely discussed, and many good
things were said on Privileges Of Col
lege Life: Pleasures of College Life;
Perils of College Life; Power of Col
lege Life. and the Proper Position d
a Young Christian in a College Com
uunity. Bitch.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1908-06-05
LIGHTNING From LIGHT
To the Editor ocala Banner:

To the Editor Ocala Banner:
Referring TO Mr.. Bittinger's piece
in the Weekly Star on Lights Delu-
sion" will say that's the stuff" Mr..
Bittinger. Why, that's a regular
peach. Light, in looking through the
pin-hole of the past, sees an editor %
two newspapers who was beaten for
county treasurer by a county boy.
Two years ago this same great edi-
tor, in a legislative race, came out
fourth, and in the last race had less
than 80 votes more than enough to
be IN the second race with Light. If
Lights hot air is such a delusiOn
why is il that in the six precincts
around Reddick Light got 203 votes
TO Mr.. Bittinger's 90, out OF a total
Of 294. Is that a delusiOn TO Light
or Bittinger? In the five precincts, in
Guiding Ocala, around Ocala, where
Mr.. Bittinger has lived for the last
twenty years, out Of a total vote of
7oS, Mr.. Bittinger got but 200 10
Lights la. What is wrong with
Lights hot air that Mr.. Bittinger did
not get but SO per cent. of the vote
cast in his neighbOrhOOd?
Mr.. Bittinger, be not deceived.
God is not Knocked, for whatsoever
. man soweth, that shall he also
reap"
Your prohibition speeches on every
stump, and your Georgia corn, one
year old, for $1.75 per gallon" as ad-
vertised in the Weekly Star is not hot
air delusion. The pin-hole shows Mr..
Bittinger dry with his tongue, and the
influence of the Star sold TO the vets
against the drys at the same time.
There is no delusiOn, Mr.. Bittinger,
in the fact that you can't serve God
and mammOn. neither can you hon
estly preach prohibition with hot air
and at the same time rake in the cold
cash from the barroOm ads. and make
the people believe you are consisten-.
Mr.. Bittinger, how do you like the
Light hot air delusion?
L. s. LIGHT.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-09-02
VIRGINIA LEAGUE.

Similarity I'm sounds does not always in
dictate that the same size noise should be
expected And the answer is that the
''Cy'' racket cannot be pulled off success
fully every day against the Nationals.
Cy Young may have been the big noise
Monday. but the other Cy on the Boston
team yesterday proved Giminut e YAM
mer.
Manager-elect Lake selected his second
Cy yesterday in the person of Cicotte,
who twirled Just three and two-third In
nings against our doughty Nationals. By
that time the second Cy had received his
bumps good and plenty.
He was extracted from he slab IN
favor of a certain young man with an
unpronouncable name. which is said to be
spelled thus: "A-r-e-l-l-a-n-e-s.'
To be perfectly explicit there was an
other ball game out forninst 7th street
and Florida avenue, between lie Ma
tionals of Washington, aspirants for sixth
place in the American League race, and
the Red Sox of Boston, the present hold
ers of that enviable position.
Sweet was the revenge Iantillons pets
took upon the Boston bunch. They even
ed up for the I to 3 defeat of Monday by
scoring to victory. The visitors
were in it at stage of the contest.
Joe 8 DOyS nd0 them DuHdIO6u III every
department.
For eight long innings the Red .,ox were
helpless before the twisters twirled by
Mr.. Charles Smith. ESQ., In the first Iour
rounds only twelve men faced him. In
the fifth. Gessler and Sullivan punched
two of Boston's lonesome total of four
bingles. but there was no score.
Smith gave way to Hughes in the ninth
inning. probably because he felt rather
badly at having tossed an easy roller from
Arellanes' bat some seven yards over
Jerry Freeman's head so that the runner
pulled up on third base. Only one was
out at the time. but Charley took an en-
ira hitch in his suspenders and caused
Mcconnell to pop fly to Del and Lord
TO give up the ghost via Unglaub and
Freeman
Tom Hughes pitched the last inning and
retired the side in order.
For the home aggregation the fun be-
gan early and continued almost uninter-
ruptediy until the end of the fifth session
Eight hits OF Cicote and four off Arel-
lanes spelled the six runs and the game.
Just as II happened Monday. Pickering
opened proceedings with a nice, liner into
left. He was advanced to second when
he and Ganley successfully attempted the
hit and run. He scored when Bob Tn
glaub took another fall out of his late
side partners by lacing out single TO
center.
There was nothing doing IN the second.
Out lHe tIliTu ilIllnS DTOUSHl lne Top VI
our batting list into play again with fine
results Ollie annexed his second single.
this time into right garden. advanced a
base on Capt. Bobs sacrifice. took an
other after Sullivan had trapped I'm
glaubs long fly and stroled home while
Gessler was pursuing Delehanty's two
sacker. Otis Clymer also poked his
betty shilalagh in the face of one of
Cicotte's curves for another two-ba gger
and Delehanty trotted across the pan.
ha fpIi n ia I'M Slay,
slammest-and Cicotte took to the woods.
Mcbride, the first man up. was easy
out. but veteran Warner made motions
which looked like sprinting and pulled
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-09-02
OFFICIAL LIST OF
DRAFTED PLAYERS

CINCINNATI, September 1.-The ma.
tional base ball commission at it's meet
ing last night laid over all applica lions
for reinstatement to the next annual meet
ing. Members of the commission said
there was no application of the kind from
Jimmy Sebring before it.
The Philadelphia National League club
was fined s25 for allowing Players Doolan
and Grant to participate in game at
Jersey City. Player Hoblitzel was award
ed to the Cincinnati club. the deal be-
tween st. Louis and Wheeling for his
services being not sanctioned.
The commission issued the following
lists of drafted players whose drafts have
been allowed:
American League.
BY Washington--From Minneapolis
Fred Buelow; Portland. Bobby Groom:
San Antonio, Collins: Fort Worth, Harry
Deiters.
BY ST. Louis-From Shreveport, Arnold
Haverhil. Andrews; San Antonio, Griggs
Lancaster. Walter Justis: Wilkesbarre
Miller; Winnipeg. w. Crum: Joplin, Paul
Cobb: Dallas, Charles Miller and p.
Peters
BY New York-From Austin. Catcher
Killifor: Hartford, Wilson; Baltimore
Schmidt: Gulfport. Yeputs: Williamsport
Wolverton; Hartford, Gardner; Omaha,
Austin; Richmond, John Quin and r.
II. Revelle.
BY Detroit-From Fort Wayne, Corns.
BY Boston-From Trenton. Murray:
Johnstown. Brady: Houston. Aiken:
Evansville French; Aberdeen, Thompson
Columbus. James.
BY Cleveland-From New Orleans, Dex-
ter: GAINESVILLE, Fisher; Los Angles Eas-
terly: Montreal. Stanley: Rochester. Ber-
ger: Gulfport. Lively; McKeesport Miller
BY Chicago-From Danville, Walsh;
Memphis. Owen: Fort Wayne, Ellston:
Utica. Burrell: Dallas. Cooper
By Philadelphia-From Milwaukee Cur
tbs: Macon, Showers; Harrisburg. Huels-
man.
National League.
BY New York-From St. Paul. Movers:
Peoria, Keupper: Savannah Kievers sub
ject to investigation: Meridian, Rapp, title
in doubt.
BY Boston-From Kansas City. Essick
San Francisco. Beck: Cedar Rapids. ST.
mon; Augusta, Coles and Hohnhorst; Lam
sing. Pierce and Thomas: Paris. Staley.
BY Pittsburg-FrOm Atlanta. Sitton:
Bandon. Nelson; EImira, Esmondt; Mar
ion. Tate.
BY Philadelphia-FrOm Johnstown.
Johnson: Willamsport, Shean: Toledo,
Barbeau.
By Chicago-From Louisville. Stanley:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-09-02

up on third. after Cravath had failed on
a hard try to get in the pathway OF
Jacks hard slap into left. Warner scored
on Smiths sacrifice fly into the same gar
den. and with two out and none on bases
the danger did not seem SO great to Bos-
ton after all.
But then came the top of our batting
order again. and Ollie Pickering covered
himself with dust and glory by hanging
out another single. chasing to second on
Ganley's clout. and coming all the way
home on ITnglaubs second timely single.
Cicotte was yanked after Ganley's hit.
but the Versatile Robert, late of Boston
was not bothered by the. change of pitch
erS.
The locals last run came in the fifth on
a safety by Freeman. followed by the
successful execution of the hit and run.
McBride's swat went for a single through
the spot where Mcconnell had been stand
ing when the latter chased toward second
to head off what looked like an attempted
steal by Freeman. The bridegroom pulled
up on third on the play, and scored on
Smiths roller to Wagner.
From then on there nothing but
ciphers.
Following is the official score of the
game: