The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1908-07-16

1bHa4 kAS WIN ia 2A 111SLlp. AL
sum ov us believe hit awl an then
squat erroun' like young birds In the
nest an boiler fer more. Awi you
hev ter do IL ter 60 ter a campane
speakin' an you viii think the whole
future In goin' ter be nothin' but q
flower garden, includin' awl sorts ov
fruits an berries. an that you won't
never hev anything ter do after the
eleckshun but to pick fruit an ber-
ries."
We'll. don't hit cum out that
way?" seq I.
mot by a blame site." sez Bill.
Why, after the eleckshun is over
an they get into the ofis you hev
ter pull OF your hat and bow nifty
low ter git sum ov them fellers ter
say guide mornin' at you. Why,
know several ov them of1s-holders
fork at the dinner table. Now they
use nothin' but a fork ter chop up
their grub with an they eat their
soup the same way. Hit IL rale as
tonishing how much style sum ov
them ofis-holders kin manufacture
an put on In the course ov a year
or two. Most ov them orter hev
steel bands put erround them az
soon az they air eleckted ter keep
them frum Dustin"
"Bill, you hev a lot ter larn yit,"
sez l; but you air sorter tamperin'
with the b c's, an you will git over
in the spellin' side. ov the book after
awhile. Jist keep your best eye
peeled an watch the percession move
erlong an you will cum out awl rite.
l uster be a fool myself. I thought
the sun riz in one pollytishun and
set in another. But, after gittin'
more age an experience, I find that
the sun lodges behind a cloud every
chance hit gifts durin' ov a campane
year ter keep frum shinin' on them
fellers. They air a plum site. Why,
they not only rob one another, but
they rob awl the people-give moth
in fer what they git-an' the gay
persesshun moves on seekin' new
wurlds ter conker.''
Let's turn Republican" sez Bill,
"an' wipe the Dymakrat party off
the map; hit amt no guide any long
er. They amt none ov hit left but
Bill Bryan, ov Nebraska, an a few
notices an high-soundin' promises.
Let's kick loose frum hit an jine
the Republicans an start the ball ter
rollin'. We air not made up ov the
stuff that is calculated ter rust out" 4"
Hush, Bill" sez I. "The Repub-
likins liz jist az bad off In this State
az the Dymakrats air in the whole
country. Hit IL made up ov 2 in
ternal reveneu districkts, a Federal
judge or two, an a few postmasters
Hit aint growed any in forty years;
in fackt they IL strong suspishun
that few ov the members ov the
Republican party in North Carolina
hev bin secretly murdered in order
ter reduce the PRESSURE at the pie
counte, an ter keep up-I mean ter
keep down-appearanc The plan
ov the manager ov the Republican
party in North Carolina liz, If they
gain ten thouzan' votes in North
Carolina in one eleckshun, they will
manage sumhow ter lose twenty
thouzan' in the next eleckshun, an
the taxpayers ov the State suffer on
bekase they IL but one party in the
State an hit amt worth what dyny-
mite hit would take ter blow a jig
ger an inche high"
"You don't mean that the dyma-
krat party amt worth az much dyna-
mite az hit would take ter blow a
jigger an inch high, do you? sez I.
why, hit liz runnin' the Sunday
schools, weepin' at funerals, COM
fortin' widows an orfins, helpin' the
poor, and payin' sick an deth bene-
fits ter awl hits members. Hit IL
awlso shure cure fer rheumatism,
lumbago, an financial distress in
the stomach after eatin' anything
that disagrees with you-yes, dym-
mockracy IL an indispensable house
hold artickle. At any rate, hit hez
that reputashun. If you don't be.
leeve hit write ter Jodeseevus Dan
iels, at Raleigh, who partly raised
the Dymakrat party on the grafft
that he got out the publick printin
contraekt, which he had an sublei
ter people who did the wurk fer q
number ov years-in fackt, till they
got ter be a big lot ov talk erbout
hit. Hit wuz simply terrible-thai
graft. Why, hit wuz so rotten an
nasty that people had ter git dowr
in sellers an hold their noses whe1
they talked erbout HIT
"An' Jodeseevus Daniels liz a mity
popular man terday. Hit IL strange
that the guide people ov the Stat,
didn't git down on him.
''The guide people ov the State did
but you see, they wuzzent man.
guide people an hit didn't he
much effeckt. Unfortunately tn,
guide people air either very skarc'
or else they air so busy bein' gud,
that sum ov them don't find time te
look into sich things. Then, O.
course sum of them wuz busy an
didn't take time ter look into hi
very closely at first. But Jodeseevu
lis very slick-sorter like an eel
an he slipped out ov hit purity fast
Jist erbout the time things were git
tin purity billyous fer Jodeseevus
he hitched onto the prohirbishul
wagon an rode erlong lookin' 8
sanktermonyous that they couldn'