The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1908-02-13
nOD[RN IMPROVEMENTS IN WHY'S

han that rocked the cradle the min
ute he grew up and saw he hand with
the rosalined nails n the dimpled
knuckles reckoning to him. Anyway,
nowadays q woman needs both hands
free to keep her hold on her husband"
And yet I've noticed remarked the
Mere Man, that very few of the mod
ern sirens have the hold on a mar that
the old fashioned cook and cradle rock
er had. When a man has a farm and
II children to look for he didn't
have any time or inclination to go seek
ing an affinity. BY the time he had
stacked the hay n put up the horses
and earned enough money to buy bread
for II mouths and shoes for IL pairs
of feet he was only too glad to get
home and sit beside the fire and smoke
MS pipe. It's the modern artificiality of
life, the se~lfrocking cradles and self
working calculators and selfplaying
pianos, the limited families, the auto
mobiles and electric cars, that make
things too easy for us and leave so
much time on our hands that Satan
finds work for them to do. This run
ming n home or a business office by
pushing a button is unnatural and un-
healthy. 1t gives women time for bar
gain hunting and men time for pleas
ure hunting and all of us time for
trouble hunting. A chap didn't worry
about not having a soul mate. In the
old days, If he had a mate who could
make good pies and start a fire with
out burning down the house. And a
woman didn't sigh for In affinity, when
she was busy all day long tying ur
sore fingers II patching small trous.
ers and watching to see that the bis
cults didn't bur The modern improve.
ments on matrimony are, like most pat.
ents, of no real value to anybody but
the inventor; and ready made wives
are, k all things ready made, apt to
be loose jointed and weak In the moral
seams and snowy on the outside. but
not at all comfortable or useful"
who wants to be useful?" scoffed
the Bachelor Girl, with a toss Of her
tousled curl" head. The latest model
in wives is beautiful and fascinating.
She came into fashion with electric
broughams and touring cars. n like
them, her mission is to amuse and en-
terrain you and make your friends en-
vious"-
And keep you busy" interpolated
the Mere Man, managing her and
making repairs, and spending your
money and getting out of scrapes."
And to make life seem like a picnic
er a century run down HILL" continued
the Bachelor Girl.
With a bump at the bottoln!" fin
tshed the Mere Man with a sigh.
When will men know wha they
want?" exclaimed the Bachelor Girl
hopelessly. when they had nice COM
monplace wives in curl-papers and
cooking aprons, they sighed for an in
stand them; and when women took t,
going to college, and forming literary
clubs, and lighting for a vote, ant
wearing boomers, they raised their
hands in horror and began to wall for
the dear feminine creatures in rufflea
~yal ry~1~ -yl nv <1rA ~, 5000
how to combine ruffes and curls with
intellectually and cooking-now hat
we're q little of everything :
You aren't much of anythtng!''
broke IN the Mere Man desperately.
You're makeshift mothers and make
shift beauties and makeshift politi-
clans. Give me a good ~old-fashioned
wife,
I've offered you n several times"
declared the Bachelor Girl.
What"
Il introduced you to Polly Reynolds"
That trump in the mustard-colored
HAITI" demanded the Mere Man con-
temptuously.
She can make lovely waffles,'' pro-
tested the Bachelor Girl.
She Sticks back her hair" grumbled
the Mere Man.
shes a queen In the Kitchen" de-
efared the Bachelor Girl.
And the color of a lemon
but / thought o wanted"-
you know perfectly well what J
want" said the Mere Man. rising With
dignity.
The Bachelor Cir! twisted he,
brushes thoughtfully, with her head on
ore side.
TT you mean ME, Mr.. Porter" SHE
announced after a pause I've frankly
told you, hat I don't now a turniE
from a parsnip, nor lamb from beef
before they're cooked
And I've frankly told o hat J
don't care"
And l buy all my frocks read,
made"
They don't look It,"
And I'd use bachelors buttons and
q ~aeif-rocking chatr-and"-
"Td gladly spend the money for EN-
And I've got all the modern i'm
psoreR,ents."
But you've got curly hair" ~reJoined
the Mere Man defiantly. and a dimple
! in your chin. and curves In your ell.
bows, and-you're a Gree and a Ma
| donna and a subtle siren and q Delilab
ard a Gretchen and"-
"Oh, be careful" cried the Bachelor
Girl IN CONSERVATION. as she half closed
! the door between them, Tn "a dan
ReFehs c~reature!"
And she laughed softly as she heard
The Mere Man dumping disgustedly
down the studio stairs.