Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1908-08-20
WRECKED BY A DOG
COUPLES HAPPINESS A THING
OF THE PAST.
Junior Clerks Wedding Present
Turned Out a Thing of Dire Dis
aster-Now Dear Mother-in-
law Is with Him.

Because rm-m-m Married-d-d-d-d
Now-w-w," the Office boy was near
singing, and the noise caused the
junior clerk to turn uneasily on his
high stool.
Regular Italian, always harpin' on
something" he muttered; wonder
you can't let up on something once in
while" The office boy changed the
tune and began to whistle, but the
junior clerks temper became no bet
ter.
WELL" the Office boy said, loosen
up an get it out of your system.
There's somethin' comm Might as
well tell it'll worry you if you
don't"
"Kiddin' me about it,"
NAV, gwan."
We've busted up housekeepin'-for
the present." the junior clerk said.
can right after we'd started, too. You
know Emaline an l got one O. these
foolish fiats-one of that kind that you
gotta go into sideways an then slide
out again to turn around, one of that
kind where you can sneeze in the
kitchen an ruff1e tn curtains in the
parlor at tn same time. Well, as /
was sayin', we moved in an then Ema-
line started lookin' over her weddin'
presents. Honest, never saw so much
cut glass an all that kind of junk
musta been carload. Well, Emaline
gets it all out an plies it on the dinin'
room table an just about that tine
remembered / hadn't bought her any
present.
"'Be back in a minute / says as /
jams on my hat an starts out Got
down tn street little way an some
body stops me.
"'Wanta buy a dog?' he asks, point
in to the worst lookin' bulldog ever
saw.
"'Just what Emaline wants. 1
thought. "I'll get it; 'Gentle?' l asks.
"'Gentle as a flock of lambs tn
guy said, lessen you grab m by tn
shoulders an point i'm where you
want him to bite. He'll get it all
right
81 forked over 1892 an started home
with the insect.
''Emaline was still a-fussin' with tn
cut glass an the hand-painted china
when l blew in with Xenophon.
"'Who's Xenophon?" the Office boy
inquired.
1.-THE dog-think it was a box car?
Yessir, Emaline was just dippy about
tn thing. Looked at him for minute
an then asks If he'll bite.
"'Will he bite?' asks, all you gotta
do is grab him like this an
'Y-a-a-a-h-h-h,' Emaline yells an
starts for the parlor an the dog right
after her. He thought I'd sliced him
an he certainly was goin' the limit
tried to hold on to the chain, but that
brute sure was strong. Jerked me off
my feet an dragged me along just as
If 1 wasn't anything at all. Emaline
lodged round the table an the dog
went right after her, chewin' air at
every jump. Got me tangled up in the
table an the next thing 1 knew l was
trying to swim out Of two wagon loads
! of broken glass an china. Emaline
rushed into the bathroom an shut the
door. But that didn't stop Zenophon.
He butted the door like goat an
pulled me through after him.
Hold him!' l shouts; think I'm a
derrick? Why don't you get out the
way? Bout that time Emaline sees a
shotgun an grabs it. Then she trips
an falls. Gun went off an blew a
hole through the floor of the fat above.
Things were gettin' serious.
"Bout that time one Of Emaline' s
shoes came off an Xenophon grabbed
1t. He swallowed it whole an that's
just wat saved us. Thing got stuck
In his throat an choked him to death.
'Bigamist!' Emaline yells when it's
all over. Tired of me already! Wanta
kill me an marry again."
can suppose she's gone home to
mother?" the Office boy interrupted.
"Worse'n that, worse'n that" the
junior clerk murmured sadly "She's
goin' to bring her mother to live with
us."-Kansas City Star.