The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1908-11-13

carefully padlocked il again.
Il always do that now" said he, "on
account of my friends. 1 didn't the
first month 1 took the office At the
end of that month 1 had a bill Of
$685., telephone calls. oh, yes; long
distance and every other kind."-New
York Press.
Not the Boy He Wanted.
$50 you want a position as Office
boy?"
Eyes, sir"
care you perfectly TRUTHFUL"
Eyes, SIR
'Never tell lies, eh?"
mo, sir"
"Then you won't do. 1 want a boy
who can say I'm not here when l am
and get away with it."-Chicago Rec
ord Herald.
Cynical Jowett.
Professor JOwett's comments on the
young men of Ballot often took the
form of crushing sarcasms. "'The col
lege, Mr.. N, thinks highly of you,' he
once said, perhaps too highly, but not
half so highly, 1 am sure, as you think
of yourself" After a lengthy survey
of ones person, as if one was some
rare animal, he has been known to ask
of the instructor, 'Mr. A. is an intelli-
gent young man, is he not, Mr.. Y.Y'
A Curious Fish.
There is a fish with four eyes along
the sandy shores of tropical American
seas. 1t is the anableps and is unique
among vertebrates on account of the
division of the cornea into upper and
lower halves by a dark horizontal
stripe and the development of two
pupils to each orbit One pair of these
appears to be looking upward, the
other sidewise.
81 hope you came out of that last
horse trade of yours with a clear con-
science"
Eyes" answered ST Smiling, "but it
kind o. worries me. My conscience is
so unusually clear that 1 can't hep
feelin' 1 must O. got the wust O. the
trade. '-Washington Star.
His Act.
Father" said young ST Cornsilk, st
have long desired to go on the stage,
and now, with your permission
Hosea COrnsilk thOughtfully stroked
his flame colored chin beard.
"All the worlds a stage, my son." he
said gently. Take that hoe and dig
up the potatoes in the half acre field
behind the hogpen'
The engagement lasted a week.
New Orleans Times-Democrat.
History.
When Sir Robert Walpole retired
into private life time hung heavy on
his hands, and Horace exerted him
self to amuse his father One day he
offered to read to him.
what will you read, child?" asked
Sir Robert YEARLY.
Horace suggested history.
mo. no." replied the veteran states
man; mot history, Horace; that can't
be true"
Unhappy Hindoo Women.
The HindOO holy books forbid a wo-
man to see dancing, hear music, wear
jewels, blacken her eyebrows, eat dain-
ty- food, sit at a window or view her
self in a mirror during the absence Of
her husband and allow him to divorce
her if she has no SOILS, Injuries his prop
erty, ScOlds him, quarrel. nth another
woman or presumeS to eat before he
has finished his meal.-Liverpool Mer-
fury.
The first work done in the Waldorf
Astoria, New York, each day is the
preparation of breakfast for 1900 en-
ployees. The last of these meals is
served usually before the earliest ris-
ing guest sleepily orders his eggs and
coffee, thinking himself almost a hero
to be breakfasting at such an hour.
81 can't stay long," said the chair
man of the committee from the colored
church. 81 just come to see eff yO'
wouldn't join de mission band"
$40 de lam sakes, honey" was the
reply, "doan' come to me! can't even
play a mouf organp'-Ladies' Home
Journal.
part of the country" said the inquisi-
tive stranger.
"Well, it amt" replied the boastful
native. "a man over OH the adjoining
farm plowed up tin can with $50 in
1t one day a week or two ago."-Chi-
cago News.
"Lobelia," demanded Mr. McSwat,
81 want to know what you've been
doing to my safety razorr'
Nothing" was Mrs. McSwat's in
dignant answer as she moved around
with slight limp Besides, Billinger,
don't believe it's a safety razor, any
way!'-Chicago Tribune.
Rector-Susie, was sorry not to see
your father at church this morning
Susie-Please, no, sir. He went out
walking in the woods. RectOr-Ah, Su-
sic, I'm afraid that your father does
not fear the Lord. Susie-Guess he
does too. He took his gun with him.