davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The broad ax., 1908-11-14
Humor
;aIrs. chattsTs Instrvotions 70 Hubsy
Were Loas Drawn out.

AIrs. chattsr's lnstruotions 20 Hubby
Were LoHa Drawn oUt.
eHenry, dear, said little Mrs. Chat
AR TO her husband while he was draw
tng on his top coat preparing 70 make
the rush for the train that was to take
him into the city. you know our
ohone isn't working this morning. and
4 do want to send Sister Sue a mes
sage In regard to meeting her this
afternoon In the city. Could you, dear.
ring Sue up on your phone In the Of
dee and give her message from me?
You can as well as not7 Thank you.
dear. Well, tell her that II it doesn't
set In to rain and If Cousin EN- doesn't
come to take me to ride In her auto
this afternoon, as she said she might,
but you know how reckless Cousin En-
a with her promises, and It wouldn't
surprise me II she never thought Of II
again, but II she should come / don't
want to miss the ride. and III Try to
get Sue on the phone by that time and
let her know If 90 to ride, or II Lib
bic Brayton doesn't come over to have
me help her on that programme we
are arranging for the benefit Of the
day nursery. Tell Sue VIII meet her
IN the waiting room at Ridgeley's at
8, or 1t may be q quarter after or a
quarter before, or II she'd rather have
me meet her some place else tell her
TO Try 70 ring me up and let me know.
I guess our phone win be working BY
that time. Tel her It wasn't working
this morning and that IL the reason I
didn't ring her up, as I said I would,
and tell her to Try to think to bring
me my hRtpin and my lace handker-
chief that I left when we stayed al
might with her Monday night, and ask
IAef II I didn't leave one Of my gloves
there. and tell her that, after all,
think we'd better meet at some place
I0theF than Ridgeley's because that d
20 far from where we are going, and
ask her to Try 70 think to bring me
the recipe for that new kind Of cake
We had at dinner Monday night, for
I'd Ike TO Try 4 loaf Of Il when we
have the Brynlys here 20 dinner Fri
6ay. Yes, yes, Of course you must get
your train, dear. Run along. Only
b sure to ring Sue up and ten her
that she'd better ring me about noon,
and-goodbyI Don't forgetAPuek.
The broad ax., 1908-11-14
Getting substituts.

SEever get out Of trouble By bring
ing II on some one else" remarked q
man on the train the other day. II re
member" he continued, 'when / was
q small boy was one day going along
the road when I came upon a man
holding a ram by the horns. As came
up he said, Here, sonny, hold this ram
TN I climb over the fence and unlock
the gate took hold Of the ram, and
he went over the fence. When safely
over he said: Thanks. I've been hold
ing him for an hour. hope you get
nd Of him as easily a. did.'"-Llp-
ptnc0tfs Magazine.
The broad ax., 1908-11-14

A man hates faint praise worse than
be hates abuse.
The little things set together and
cause big troubles.
Every one thinks be gives as much
% the poor as bis means win allow.
A genius Il a man who knows how
% do only one thing and knows how
70 do that wen.
A man is never % humble that his
opinion b not worth quoting when
favorable to you.
ROSTERS are q good deal lTko men.
a r0oslsr never gives notice Of having
found q worm untn eflsr Be hns swai.
lowed it.-Atchison olobA
The broad ax., 1908-11-14
rhe knowIsda. That Liurt..

Towne-So Dumley married a col
lege woman. Ny, It must be fierce for
him to be tied TO a woman who knows
90 much that he doesn't knowI
Browne-Oh. that doesn't hurt him
% much as the fact that she knows
now much he doesn't know.-Catho-
lie Standard and Times.
The broad ax., 1908-11-14
Not En Fer PuhIleatIan.

Isn't It scandalous about the
WsppsIeysl"
''What about thenl I understand
that Mrs. Wappsley has secured di-
vOree, but / haven't learned any Of
the particulars"
Nobody else has. The case Il such
q nasty one that the records have all
been hidden" = Chicago Record-Her-
AID
The broad ax., 1908-11-14
Futur. Peril,

! Terrified Passenger ION ocean IineF1-
Captain, why is the steamer going 90
slowly and using its searchlightl
! Captain-Don't be alarmed, madam.
The ship Is in no danger. But In q
FOG like this we are always likely to
run into somebody's blooming old bal
loon and make a nasty mess OF IT.
Chicago Tribune.
The broad ax., 1908-11-14
A DREADED Verdict.

I Mr.. Patterson (as sounds Of weeping
come from the undry)-Graeious,
dearl Who is that crying7
MS. Patterson-The washerwoman.
John. She has sued for divorce and is
afraid the Judge win order her to pay
her husband alimony. = Appincott's
Magazine.
The broad ax., 1908-11-14
a Strictly Feminine Comment.

'T notice that leading actress tele-
phoned that her automobile was bro
ken down and she couldn't attend a
meeting Of her creditors."
wasn't that sweet Of herr Going
10 all that trouble for a lot Of fussy
old creditorsr-Pittsburg Post.
The broad ax., 1908-11-14
Wise Youth

Some" said the reckless rounder.
@set IN the push and be high fier." I"
''Not me- replied the wise youth
I've noticed that It is usually the high
dier who drops the hardest. Pits
hnrr Post.
The broad ax., 1908-11-14
a cred pfHerenee.

Margaret. II was very naughty Of
Jon to make such fuss. You said II
I'd buy you that new dolly you'd 60
10 the dentists without murmur."
sT didn't murmur. muvver. I scream
ed"-Lippincotfs Magazine
The broad ax., 1908-11-14

Tommy was about to leave the school
where he had spent his FIRST years. de
went to the teacher to say goodby and
added: Il am awfuIly sorry TO leave
this school Pve had such good times
e recess. LippineOtf's Magazine.
The broad ax., 1908-11-14
He Waa Mean Mar.

whats the matter nowT
Before we were married you used
% steal kisses from me-"
"You mean when your face was
turned away"
Yes"
swell, II you'll turn your face away
IN see If can get up enough courage
b steal one now."-Houston Post
The broad ax., 1908-11-14

' Gritty George-Ah, lady. at one time
4 was q prosperous dentist
Kind Lady-How can believe you,
my poor manf
Gritty George-How can you doubt
me, mum? Why, even de dog shows
his teeth when am around. - st.
Louis Post Dispatch.
The broad ax., 1908-11-14
st,ivino 70 Please.

yes" said the housewife, yours is
q sad story. But It isn't the same
story you told last year"
'WeIl. lady" answered Flooding
Pete, ''you surely wouldn't expect a
man to go all dat time an not show
any imprOvementF'-washington Star
The broad ax., 1908-11-14

rDo jon believe b such a thing as
luckf
-of course. answered Miss Cayenne.
aotherBise It would be impossible to
explain TIE success Of people we don't
llke.s- washington Star.
The broad ax., 1908-11-14
csief Of Them All.

-He tried to fiatter me, but I'm
proud to say he couldn't"
.NoT You're greater hatterer than
he Is. then. aren't yOuy
~How do you meanT'
.sYcu fatter yourself that you can't
be fattered- Catholic Standard and
Times.
The broad ax., 1908-11-14

swbat made Miss Flip look 50 sour
at the ban last nlghfY'
sProbably because she was IN a pic
Me at her pretty rivals being 80 sue
eessful In her preserves Baltimore
American.
The broad ax., 1908-11-14

~5ane has a eaustic tongue. I asked
har the other day Why she didn't mar
~ some old man Tor bis money
@What did she sayf"
-She said the Increase IN the dura-
don Of human life and the depression
ln stocks made the speculation too IN
certain But she added that she would
marry 4 rich old man under ons con
dlfion.S
eWkat was thatF
-He must be a ehronic aer0planigts =
-usyeland Plain Dealer.
The broad ax., 1908-11-14
one was Enaarh.

egTHl you tel me Th5 you treat me
% c6ldly. Mss creen7s
aThene are quite a number Of rea-
sens. lIr. 1lushie. The first IS that
don't iilre .-Ciereiand pain Deal
The broad ax., 1908-11-14
An odd combination.

sYounr De Peyster's match with
fhat girl who 50 unexpectedly fen into
q fortune vas q brilliant stroke
Err what Nayg'
rHe made 4 lucky kit with lneky
~.
The broad ax., 1908-11-14
Nntioa It1

'PeOpIe usually try to do as they are
done by"
'FOr instaneeT7 J
s'Whenever some one Is run down by
a motor car a lot Of folks begin run
ming down the cars" = Kansas City
Times.
The broad ax., 1908-11-14

11absl pueslss ne q lot
lEabel's ehangeabla. i wosn
Pretty Mabel, who a not
Any more than fair elEhtson.
Nebel has such ruby IIps.
On her charms are very uaauvl
Lest year she had undst nipc
This year Aabel hasn't any.
Aabefs eyes are azure blus.
Aaoefs chseks are rosy pink.
1ne would take your heart from ygu
~ she only smiled, ] think.
4et q hckle maid she tripa
Through the world IN ways IN
canny.
Last year she had rounded hips.
This year Mabel hasn't any.
Mabers smile is sim the same.
MAbei says her heart is mine.
Seeing her you would not blame
lie Tor kneeling at her shrino.
But the changes Mabel slips
Over me are far too many.
Last year she had rounded hips.
This year Mabel hasn't any.
Detroit Free Press
New-York tribune., 1908-10-19
TITO SHOTS At PRIEST.
Chicago Pastor Escapes by Fe'gnHg
To Haze Been HIT.
IBy Telegraph to The Tribune J


Chicago. oct. 1S.-An attempt was made to as
sassinate Father F. ]. Fielding. Of Corpus
Christi Church one of the best known priests
in t,hicaso at - o'clock this afternoon by an
unknown man, who fired two shots at him and
then made his escape through a throng of terri
fed children who were gathering in the church
for Sunday school Father Fielding was saved
only by dropping to the floor at the first shot
and feigning to have been hit.
Although detectives and the reserves from
two police stations were poured into the neigh
borhood less than fifteen minutes after the
shooting the would be murderer made good his
escape
Father Fielding was about TO leave the church
when he noticed the in the vestibule- He
seemed to be a Greek an Italian. He asked
him what he was doing and was told that he
was saying his prayers. When he noticed q
woman's purse sticking out Of the mans pocket
the priest pulled it out The man said he had
found it, When the priest wanted it identified
the man shot at him. bullet grazing his
temple.
The priest followed the man two blocks be:
fore he finally appeared. The man was seen
in the church during the morning service. At
terward he was seen i'll the park opposite the
church writing and tearing UP letters for two
hours Father Fielding believes that ne is an
anarchist
New-York tribune., 1908-10-19
RACING CAR WRECKED
EMILE STRICKER HURT.
His Mechaacian IN Serious C0nd'-
tiOp-Accident at Course.

,rba 9rs+ serious accident since practice began
early last week on the Vanderbilt Cup course
occurred Yesterday when the big 12O-horsepoWer
Mercedes car driven by Emile Stricken ana
owned by Robert Graves, left the road at Ilo
miles an hour, according to the speedometer
Stricker was thrown high in the air Andre"
Murray his mechanician, was pinned unoer ule
car Both were unconscious when pickeo up
Al the Nassau County Hospital. at Mineola.
Long Island it was at first believed that Murray
had fractured skull and other serious injuries
Late in the evening he regained consciousness
and will recover Stricken, however soon re-
covered his senses, and after having his injuries
dressed left the hospital.
It was $50 O'Clock in the morning when the
accident happened half hour before the tlme
limit when the drivers of the racing cars are
supposed to leave the course. Strcker's dare
devil driving has held the attention OF the spec
tators who had watched the men tearing about
the circuit Stricken himself was dissatisfied
with his time and this led to the accident
After Stricken had left the hard surface on
the motor parkway and steered into the Jerlcho
Turnpike that has figured so Conspicuously IN
previous Vanderbilt Cup races he took the TURN
without letting up on his speed. 1t delib-
crate effort TO correct the fault OF making the
turns too slowly. At that moment tire burst
ellis Hotel went into ditch. and, after knock
ing down two small trees in its wild flight, came
to stop in front of wire fence. The machine
was damaged somewhat, but can be repaired III
ample time to permit It to be entered in the
race.
Sl-icker is a we'll known driver He drove a
car in both the last Grand Prix races in France
and in the Emperor's Cup race in 1907 in Ger
many.
Mr.. Graves. the owner of the car. is mem
her cs the racing board Of the American Auto
mobile Association. He had it entered IN the
Vanderbilt Cup race in 1906, and, driven by
Jenatzy it came in fifth in the race.
Murray is twepty-four years old He lives at
No $50 Union street, BroOrlyn.
Few of the drivers had their cars out for prac-
tice yesterday. Rya1l. in the Matheson car, No.
:: Haupt in the Chadwick. and Salzman, in
the Thomas No. H. went over the 23.4J-mlle
circuit at slow pace.
large number of visitors visited the park
way in automobiles in the afternoon.
New-York tribune., 1908-10-19
SHOT GIRL AND SELF
ANOTHER OMAHA CRIME.
Broker TeIephoned Friend "Tenible
Tragedy Is About to Occur.

Omaha, Oct 1S.-Sewell SIeuman, reputed to
be worth S5o0O00 and well known throughout
the West a broker, after telephoning warn
ing to friend slast night shot and killed Eva
Hart. whose company he had been keeping for
some time and then took his life. The
shooting took place at the home of Miss Hart, at
No. 1904 Burdett street whittier the two had
driven in an automobile short time before the
tragedy Although it occurred about l1:f3
o'clock. cit not discovered until an hour
later bS special officer who sent to the
Hart home at the request of j. p. Comstock. MIR.
Sleuman's office manager.
About II o'clock Comstock received tele-
phone message from Sleuman. in which TIE lat
ter requested Comstock to communicate with
his brother in Hastings Neb. and inform him
that a terrible tragedy was about to occur"
Comstock quickly called up the police station
and told them of what he had heard. The night
sergeant attempted to reach the Hart home by
telephone, but told by the telephone central
office that the receiver off the hook and
that the place could not be called.
An officer was quickly sent to the Hart home,
and as he approached the house met Miss Hart's
brother who was just returning from the the
atre. The two entered the house together, and
found Sleuman and Miss Hart lying on the floor
OF the front parlor. both dead.
Sleuman had an invalid wife in Hastings.
Neb. He mad become well known in the West
because Of his defiance of the Chicago Board of
Trade. which had tried in many ways to prevent
him from using its quotations on grain and pro-
visions He had two offices In this city. where
his headquarters were situated. and about
twenty branch offices scattered over Nebraska
and Missouri
New-York tribune., 1908-10-19
POLICEMAN ARRESTED.
Sad To BE Proprietor Of Saloon
Open on Sunday

Charged with violating the Sunday excise law.
Patrolman Charles Lauerssen, of the Hamilton
avenue station. Brooklyn. arrested yester-
day afternoon in saloon at No. 1850 Broadway,
Williamsburg.
The arrest was made by three detectives from
Deputy Commissioner Bugher's staff. acting on
an anonymous letter. Lauerssen was taken to
the Ralph avenue station and examined by In
spectors Flood and Harkins. To them he is said
To have admitted that he the proprietor Of
the saloon and that the license was in his name
The saloon was opened on october l. Lauers-
sen. who lives in Flathush, was not known at
the Ralph avenue station until his arrest He
has been in the department twelve years He
said he did not know that it wrong for a
policeman TO run a saloon
New-York tribune., 1908-10-19
TO BAR CONSUMPTIVES.
"a
Boston Minister Says He WI Not
Marry Them.
tBy Telegraph to The Tribune.I ]

Boston. Oct. 1S.-The Rev. Herbert 5. Johnson,
pastor of the Warren Avenue Baptist Church
announced at the service tonight that he never
again would marry a consumptive. and that he
would at the next district meeting ask the
church authorities to prohibit marriage where
one of the parties was consumptive.
II am taking that step" he said. because
do not want to stand before my God as muir
derer. The marriage of an uninfected person
with one suffering from the great white plague
means that both inevitably will have the dis
ase'
DR.. johnson said that he had given the matter
great thought and that ne considered 1t time for
the Church to take stand for life and mortal
itv under such conditions. Laws and legal
devices admittedly are unable to- cope with this
condition; therefore the Church must meet it
and conquer it,, he said.
MI Johnson also said that he would not marry
any man whose income is less than $12 a week
New-York tribune., 1908-10-19
NO BETTING At EMPIRE
Westchester SleuthS to PreUent
Bookmaking at Track Opening.

The Sheriff and District Attorney of West
chester County have made arrangements to put
the screws on tight at the fall meeting at the
Empire City Racetrack which opens tomorrow
and rolators of the ant-gambling law will be
severely dealt with official of Westchester
County said yesterday. THE police regulations
will be even more strict than at the August
meeting Scattered about the grounds will be
a score of picked detectives acquainted with
every bookmaker and regular bettor- These
men are TO be augmented by the Yonkers police
force and the Sheriff's deputies. At the sum-
mer meet thirty men were held for the grand
jury and it is expected that some of them will
be indicted within few days, when the present
jury hands up its report
Several warrants are still out for booknakers
who violated the law at the recent meet, and
arrests on them will be made if the men appear
at the track tomorrow. Sheriff Lane and Dis
trict Attorney Winslcw have spent several days
perfectng the arrangements TO stop gambling
at the track.
New-York tribune., 1908-10-19
YALE CAPTAIN RESIGNS.
But Players Refuse to Let Burch
Quit on account of Injuries.
By Telegraph 20 The rribune.1


New Haven. Oct. 18.-Robert Burch captain
Of the Yale football team. resigned his place to-
day but the players and coaches absolutely re-
fused to accept the resignation Burchs in
juries. received in practice last week. which
kept him out of the game with the Army yes
terday. have turned out to be more serious than
was 81 first supposed and he decided that It was
not IA r to retain the aptaincy when he was un-
likely to be able play again until the very end
of the season.
The players talked the matter over with the
coaches. and the sentiment unanimous that
Burch should be compelled TO keep the place of
captain without regard to his ability to play in
4 single remaining contest of the season. Fred
Murphy, halfback last year and baseball captain
elect led. the team in the West Point game yes
terday. and II seems likely that he will be con-
tnued in the place, though Coy may be the
choice. Murphy's play Saturday made it prac
tically certain that he will be the permanent
choice for quarterback.
Burch is regarded by the eleven and by his
class. 90 natural leader. He has always
had bad luck in the matter of accidents. having
been kept off the team by injuries for two years.
He barely his ~" in the Harvard game last
year, going in in the last three minutes of play.
New-York tribune., 1908-10-19
TO PUNISH LIEUT.. EVANS.
Loss of 100 Numbers and Public
ReWImond Ordered.

Yokohama Oct. 1S.-Lieutenant Frank 7.
Evans. of the battleship Louisiana, who
Gently was court martiaIled a charge of alb
sentng himself from his post while officer of
the deck. disrespect to his superior officer and
intoxication. has been found guilty of the two
former charges. Rear Admiral Sperry received
the papers while the batteships were at Manila
and has just announced his verdict. The sen
tcnce pronounced provides that Lieutenant
Evans shall lose 80 numbers and sl7all ne
publicly reprimanded. The commander in chief
adds that in his opinion the sentence is made
quatn but he has approved it in order that
Lieutenant Evans shall not entirely escape pun
iShment.
New-York tribune., 1908-10-19
RIOT TO SEE TH4W.
Police Reserves Ouch Disappointed
Thvong at PittsbWg Station.
tBy Telegraph 10 The Tribune J

Pittsburg, oct. 1S.-There was Il riot among
persons gathered to see Harry /. Thaw In Pitts
burg tonight. The Tumor became current this
afternoon that ThaW would arrive at the Union
station from New York at o'clock this even
ing, and would be taken immediately to the
county jail to remain until called in the bank
ruptcy proceedings.
An hour before the time for the arrival Of the
train more than thousand persons had as
semhled at the station TO see Thaw arrive. Po-
lice reserves were called out, and when the train
pulled i'll they had to use force to keep the crowd
back and it half an hour before the crowd
dispersed to any extent There We're crowds to
meet all the other incoming trains from New
York. but 7'haw failed to appear on any OF them
1t was reported later that Thaw would leave
Matteawan Monday night arriving here on
Tuesday morning.
New-York tribune., 1908-10-19
FRANCE THE MEDI4TOR.
4 Turbish-BuIgdriaH Agreement
NO1C Expected.

Paris. Oct 1S.-Bugaria has backed down. ac-
cordins to Naoum Pacha, the Turkish AunbasSa-
dor. and not only has the probability OF var
been eliminated. but understanding between
Bulgaria and Turkey is in sight The smbaS-
sador practically admitted to-day that yesterday
the Two countries were on the verge of war. ana
explained that while his denial of the mobiliza-
ton of the Turkish troops was literally trus. y
was equally true that mobilization had bssa
previousl- ordered and then suspended. He
said:
The Oriental crisis has been developing with
such raBidity that cvery hour has its tupOr-
tance It - true that my government. after
warming the powers without result in a circular
letter that Turkey would be compelled TO taks
measures for its own protection unless bulgarian
activities ceased. decided on Friday 10 proceed
with these necessary precautionary measures
which included plan Of mobilization and the
drawing up Of orders. which later were issued %
the railroad lines, for the transportation o. the
troops The Cabinet endeavored 60 act with the
utmost secrecy, but its plans evidently leaked
In the mean time the projected measures We're
abandoned. because last night We received the
assurances which we demanded from Bulgaria
have not any right to say more at the present
tme Within forty-eight hours the situation
viii be modified in a way most favorable To the
maintenance OF peace. Already a dispatch from
sofia announces that the decree conVOSlnS the
reserves was annulled last night. This is the
beginning and a confirmation OF the assurances
which We demanded
To France largely belongs the honor OF open
ing the way for understanding between
Turkey and Bulgaria before il too late.
From official sources the story is learned OF how
the crisis was averted at CoustantinoDle. ON
Friday night confidential report reached the
Porte from Soma that the BulSarian Cabinss
was about 20 resign, and would be succeeded BY
the council for national defence. This vas in
terpreted as move preliminary to q declara-
ton of war. The Turkish Cabinet forthwita
New-York tribune., 1908-10-19
MORE SIGNS OF
PEACE In BALKANS
BULGARIA. md TURKEY
NE4R ACCORD.
Hostile Orders CouHtermGHded :
DeIay IN SummoHiHg Con-
ference of the POzcers.

Bulgaria and Turkey deny hostile intenfions
toward each other. and it is believed in Paris
that an agreement between them will soon %
reached. II is reported that Turkey counter
manded orders for mobilization.
Reactionary agitation is increasing N the N
terror Of Turkey, and martial law mas pee"
unclaimed in parts OF Asia Minor There haS
been 8 massacre of Jews at Bagdad
NJ NIiIovanovics, the servian Foreign Minister
loft Belgrade 10 Iav his country's claims before
tho povers lie will 90 first to Berlin