davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-07-09
A Yorkshireman went 10 London TO
aao tba pr,t,ah Muaanm

A Yorkshireman went 10 London to
see the British Museum.
Unfortunately, the Yorkshireman
chose a close day for bis visit, aud the
policeman at the gate, when be pre-
sentsd himself there, waved him away.
"But | must come in." said the
Yorkshiremsn. 1--WE q holiday on pur-
pose.
mo matter" said the guardian.
This is a Close day and the mu-
scum is shut"
"Whstl Amt this public property"
Yea admitted the policeman,
"but one Of the mummiss died on
Tuesday. and do you besrudgs us one
day to bury him in 2"
"0h, excuse me- said the York.
shiremAu, in a hushed voice. "ln that
case won't intrude.'
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-07-09

Mrs. Al can remember the day
when you begged me to say the word
that would make you happy for life.
Mr.. Al know, but you said the
wrong word.
"In Astoria" said q Washington
State official, "there used to be an old
fisherman who brought me the first Of
every month present Of a spendid
salmon from his master. / slwayf
gave the old fisherman tip.
"But one morning was very busy
and when the old boy brought the fsh
l thanked him hurriedly and, forget
ting his tip, bent over my desk again.
he hesitated moment, then cleared
his throat and said:
"Senator, would Ye be 80 kind s'
to put it in writin' that ye didn't
give me no tip this time, or my wifell
think I've went and spent it on rum. -
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-07-09

First gsntleman(entering the apart.
ment Of second gentleman)-About
year ago you challenged me to fight a
duel. Second gentleman (sternly)-
l did, sir. First gentlemsn-And l
told you that had just got married
and l did not care to risk my life at
any hazard. Second Gentleman
(haughtily)-I remember. sir. Firs'
Gentleman (bitterly) y)-Well, my feel.
ings have changed. Amy time yOr
want to fight, let me know.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-07-09
II Reached the Spot.

Mr.. e. Humphrey. who owns large
general store at Omega, o., and is pres
ident OF the Adams County Telephone
Co.. as well as the Home Telephone
Co, OF Pike County, o., says OF DR..
Kings New Discovery: ut saved my
lie once. At least | think IL did. IL
seemed 10 reach the spot-the very seat
Of my cough-when everything else
failed" DR.. Kings New Discovery not
only reaches the cough spot; IL heals
the sore spots and the weak spots In
throat, lungs and chest Sold under
guarantee at Hills drug store. soc. and
81. 90. Trial bottle free.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-07-09

Is not entirely free from disease on the
high elevations feysrs prevail, while on
the lower levels malaria 10 encountered
10 a greater or less extent, according W
ali. tude. To overcome climate affectins
lassitude, malaria, Jsundise, biliousness.
fever and Ague, and general debility,
the most effective remedy is Electric
Bitters, the great Alternative and blood
purifier the antidote for every form OF
bodily weakness, nervousness, and In
somnlG. Sold under guarantee at
Hills drug store. Price 800.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-07-09
Settled The Ownership.

There was q quaint old Judge who
used to live in the Pine Tree State,
said lawyer. Zone Of his decisions
gained him the title Of the Maine
Solomon Two women came before
this magistrate with 6ns, fat pullst,
each declaring that it belonged to
herself. The magistrate from his
high seat frowned heavily at the 6rst
woman. Does this pullet belong TO
Mrs. Jone ? he asked her. No, In
deed, it don't, sir, she replied.
Then he turned to the other woman.
Does this pullst belong TO Mrs.
SMITH 1t certainly does not the
second woman replied.
The pullet.' the magistrate then
said, does not belong TO Mrs. Jones.
nor does it belong 10 Mrs. Smith.
Janitor, take it around 10 the house
and give it to the cook"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-07-09
TWO PICTURES.

An old farmhouse with meadows vide'
And sweet with clover on each side;
A brigh,-eyed boy who looks from out
The door with woodbine wresthed about,
And wishes his one thought all day:
"Ohl II I could but fly away
From this dull spot the world to see
How happy, happy. happy
How happy would bel
Amid the citys constant din,
A man who round the world has been
Is thinking. thinking all day long.
AMI his is the burden Of his song:
.Ohl if | could but trace once more
The fsld-path to the farmhouse door,
The old green meadows could see,
How happy, happy, happy
How happy I would be"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-07-09
A Revelation.

It's revelation to people, the severe
oases OF lung trouble that have been cur
ed by Foley's Honey and Tar. 1t not
only stops the cough but heals and
strengthens the lungs L. N. Ruggles,
Reasoner, Iowa, writes; The doctors
said had consumption, and I got no
better until 1 took Foley's Honey and
Tar Il stopped the hemorrhages and
pain in my lungs and they are now al
sound a. 3 bullet" Hills Pharmacy.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-07-09
Land For Sole.

A small farm containing rs acres, on
good road, about two miles from Shep-
herdstown, is offered for sale at bar
gain.
Also fine tract Of fifty acres of un-
improved land, an ideal place for a
country home.
Also well-improved farm Of so acres,
three miles from town.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-07-09
Goverpor yardaman. Of Mississipp

Governor vsrdamsn. Of Mississippi,
tells Of q colored citizen Of that state
who gave the justice Of peace 3 big
fat 'possum as a wedding fee.
A year after. the justice. meeting
the dsrkey, asked:
Joe. how do you like married lifs'''
"Wsll, sah.' answered Joe, rue
fully. "sIl I kin say isl wish I'd eat
dat 'possum.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-07-09

uIus. q lit:le CascAsweet is all that Is
necessary TO give your baby when u Is
cross and peeyish. Osscasweet contains
NO opjates nor harmful drugs and Is
highly recommended BY mothers syery-
where. Conforms 70 the National Pure
Food and Drugs Law. Sold by HiiFs
Pharmacy.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-07-09

Get my Book No. For Women"
Il will give weak women many valuable
suggestions Of relief-and with strictly
confidential medical advice IL entirely
free. Simply write Or. Shoop, Racine,
Wis. The book No. tells ell about
Dr. Shops Night Cure and how these
soothing, healing Antiseptie supposito-
ries can be successfully applied 70 cor
rect these weaknesses. Write for the
book. The Night Cure is sold By HIS
Pharmacy.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-07-09
There /, one preparatlon known today

There IL one preparation known today
that will promptly help the stomach.
This is Kodoi. Rodol dlgests all classes
Of food, and lt does IL thoroughly, 70
that the use Of Kodol for time VIII
without doubt help anyone who has
stomach disorders or stomach trouble.
Take Kodol today and continue 10 Tor
the short time that 10 IL necessary 70
give you complete relief Kodol is sold
by Hills Phsrmacy.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-07-09
"Reminiscences OF Former President Ceye
land.

Many "reminiscences Of former Pres
ident Cleveland are now being told.
The late William O. Whitney wanted
to do something out of the ordinary
when he gave his first cabinet dinner
as member Of President Cleveland g
cabinet. He reached the markets Of
Washington for dslicscies. For fruit,
he decided he would have peaches.
1t was the middle of February, and
there were no peaches in Washington.
BE found a man in New York who
said be could get some, and Whitney
ordered several basksts.
The dinner was great success. In
discussing it the next day Judge La
mar said:
Those peaches were fine, Mr.. Whit
nsy, where did you get themH"
"In New York" Mr.. Whitney said.
"a man there found them for ms.
Peaches in February are certainly
great treat" continued Lamar.
"If it is fair question, how much
did they cost2'
They cost $48 a dozen" said
Whitney.
"Aud did President Cleveland eat
any of them1 de is 40 fond Of fruit
did he eat any of thsm2" exploded
Whitney. 81 thought he rather
crowded the mourners. de ate ivel'
"Chick" Bruce was fam Gus Adj
rondsck guide who accompanied Mr..
Cleveland on one or two OF mis- huut.
ing trips in those mountains.
Chick left Mr.. Cleveland sitting
on log one morning, WnlIe ne went
out to drive down a deer should he
chance to find one.
When he came back he saw his dis
tinguished employer still sitting on
the log, but with the muzEle Of his
gun pointing directly at the Presiden.
tial chest.
"Herel" shouted Chick, "quit
that, dod gsst vel Sposin' that gun
had gone off and you had killed your.
self, what would have happened to
me2 Dern Ye, everybody knows I'm
Republican,"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-07-09
He-DO you remember the night

He-DO you remember the night l
proposed TO your
She-Yes, dear.
Hs-We sat for one hour, and you
never opened your mouth.
She-Yes, ! remember, dear:
Hs-Ah, that was the hsPPiest
hour Of my life.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-07-09
It was night.

1t was night.
TheY-hs and she-were sitting on
the porch, looking at the stare.
"You know, I suppose he whisper
ed, what a young mans privilege is
when he sees shooting starr"
NO." she answered. II haven't
the slightest idea. There goes Onel'
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-07-09

Bill-You say she seems never TO
be satis6sd1
JIll-Yss, she's the Kind Of 8 girl
that when you kiss hsr she seems TO
think that she ought To get trading
stamps, too.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-07-09

Tsacher-What ia it, Tomf
'Tom-Jimmy, swearing
Teacher-Whst did be sayf
Tom-Wsll, marm, il you say over
all the cuss words you know III tell
you when you come TO it.
Male voice-HelloI
Female yoice-Hellol
'Is that you. dsriingP
"Yes; who are you7"
Owner Of the coop-Wbo's in thsrs'
Quick.vittsd Rastus (softly)
nobody in heah 'csppin' us chickens.
Foley's Oriuo Laxative, the new lax'
alive. sdmulates but does not ifftsse.
r. d the best laxative. Guaranteed or
your money back. Hill's PhsFmscy.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-07-09

DeWitt's Witch Hazel Salve is good
for cuts, burns, bruises and scratches.
Il is especially good for piles. Recon-
mended and sold by Hills Pharmacy.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-07-09
FOR SALE.

A lot Of A Locust Posts and prac
tically new CIPHER Incubator 22oi egg
capacity. Will guarantee it to do good
work.
G.. B. WILTSHIRE,
Hartinsburg, w. Va.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-07-09

Bell Phone.
March 8, 100S-tf
Omaha daily bee., 1908-03-22

line but railroad buying is at a low mimi
mum and capacity as a whole Is only about
half the possible volume. Textile lines show
more pronounced quiet, with cotton goods
most prominent in the line of reduced out
put. About $1,000 mill hands in New Eng
land have had wages reduced in the last
ten days and production is only 10 to rs
per cent of the full possible output The
soft coal strike threatened for April APP
pears more remote, owing 10 conciiatory
talk. Somewhat more interest is shown in
mems wear goods, but trade as whole is
still quiet, and other textiles lack snap. The
reductions in output in all textile lines has
been so great as to cause question as to its
being oyerdone.
AS regards the futures, it might be said
that while the outlook is hopeful, prospects
seem TO Indicate a fluctuating trade in
forthcoming months, or at least until prob
able crop yields can be pretty we'll meas
ured.
Business failures in the United States for
the week ending March 49, number 29S
against 27S last week. 137 in the like week OF
f9O7, 40 in 1906. 204 in 1906 and 2l6 in 1904
Canadian failures for the week number
thirty-nine, as against thlrty-one last week
and thirty-two IN this week a year ago.
Omaha daily bee., 1908-03-22
Our Peruna Tablet
Is Peruna With
Fluid Removed.

atarrh the surfaces Of the MOUTH cur phans catarrh
Of the pharn chronic atarrh Of the head This writer classes
hydras tonic useful atomic dyspepsia hrOniO gastric
eaa cath Of the duOdonu Of the gall duct cah of the
ntesnes kidneys Brght diseased oatarrh Of the
bladder, and catarTh Of other pelvic
HARTH0L0W REGARDS COPAIBA excent remedy chronic
caa Of the bladder chronic bronchitis aarh Of the bronchial tub
BARTHoLOW STATES THAT ingredient of Perun
the appetite digestion circulation the blood
full chronic nasal catarh Cuiar phangs aah Of the phayn
increasing the oniy Of the membranes of the throat II
eves hoasene Useful in atomic dyspepsia atah Of the Omah and in
chronic h the and the bladder prOstathes
end bronchial affections
MLsPAUGH MEDICINAL PLANTS Of the most authoritative
works medicinal herbs in the English commenting
C0LLsOEIA CANADENsIs says that the pneumgaac and
the seCrens the membranes
general In the Of Virginia Kentucky Tennessee and Carolina
cOinsonia canadensis considered for disorders including
headache collie camp drop and indigestion DR. SCUDDER regards
highly remedy diseases Of the disease and asthma
These citations sufficient candid mind that
catarrh remedy Surely herbal remedies that command the
enthusiastic confidence highest authorities Obnable brought together
in combination ought cah remedy the highest efficacy
This claim, claim
quotations HIGHEST MEDICAL AUTHORITIES WORLD
Omaha daily bee., 1908-03-22
AAoid Secret
Stomach Remedies
Because Nose of Them Contain
Dangerous Ingredients, Which
Produce the Drug Habit.

Thousands OF people, having dyspepsia
or stomach troubles in some form, contin-
uaily dope" themselves with ali sorts OF
secret tonics, drugs. pills, eatharties, etc,
which not only inrame and lrritate The
stomach ana intestines, but in many cases
cause the opium, morphine and cocaine
habits.
You have a right and should demand %
know what any medicine contains before
you take it, unless IL is put up or recom-
mended by some reputable physician
Fakes ana quacks win put most anything
into their secret preparations. to make
you like their useless stuff SO as to want
more OF IT, until 1t makes you the victira
OF some drug habit, which VIII ruin your
health in short time.
Stuarts Dyspepsia Tablets are not a
secret remedy, they DO not contain injur-
ious drugs. and they are recommended By
thousands of physicians in the United
states and Canada TO their patients for
dyspepsia, catarrh Of the stomach, ara
all other stomach troubles resulting from
Improper digestion OF food.
These wonderful tablets actually digest
food because they contain the very eie-
ments that are required OF healthy stom-
aoh to properly digest food, thus acting as
substitute and glving the overworiSed
digestive organs a rest and chance 70 re-
gain their former health. strength ana
yigor.
stuart's Dyspepsia Tablets contain fruit
and vegetable essences, the pure concen-
trated tincture OF hydrastis, and golden
seal. which tone up and strengthen
the mucous coats OF the stomach and in
crease the flow OF gastric and other d.
gestive juices; lactose (extracted from
milk; ntix TO strengthen the nerves cen
trolling the action Of the stomach, bis
muth TO absorb gases and prevent fer
mentation, and pure aseptic pepsin (gov.
test) OF the highest digestive power. All
% these are scientifically Incorporated In
these tablets OF iozenges and constitute
complete, natural, speedy cure for any
stomach trouble.
stuart's Dyspepsia Tablets are sold ia
large fifty-eent boxes. BY all druggists
Write Us for free sample package.
This sample alone viii give you sufficient
relief 20 convince you. Address ~ A
stuart Co, $50 stuart aldk. AGnEphAll
Mich.
Omaha daily bee., 1908-03-22
PERSONAL PARAGRAPHS.

Robert Smith. Thirty-third and Dodge
streets, Is confined to his home by Illness.
B. L. Finnegan Of Boone, Ia. secretary
of the Three T. base ball league, is q
/. NJ. Hart OF Boone, Ia. connected with
the Northwestern Railway company, Is
registered at the Schlitz.
o. L. Holcker OF Kansas City. A A.
Epaugh OF Manvllle, Wyo., and ]. A. Srnith
OF Denver are at the Rofae.
United states District Attorney Charles
A. GOss has returned from a business visit
OF several days at Danviile, Ill
j. C. Elliott OF West Point, q. N. Me
Ilvay of Denver, A. Watkins Of Houston,
Tex. and Peter Price OF scrtbner are al
the Henshaw
.E. Tichnor OF Newark, N. w. T.; " Har.
rls Of Loomie, A J. Eammers OF Harting-
ton. n. T. Aiken OF Kansas City and A A.
Reed OF Lincoln are at the Her Grand
E. p. HIN of Silver Creek, c. s. Martin
% tom esSfn sprars s0 g. sssefs S1 Msssns
McCoOk and ]. r. Dorsheimer OF Centra
City are at the Murray,
W. A. Smith, general manager OF the
Omaha a Council Bluffs Street Railway
company, got down to his office Saturday
for the first time for several weeks, fol.
lowing a severe illness.
w. II. McGee. r. r. TFavers OF Kansa.
quick Of Lincoln. A. NJ. Beardsley OF Ere.
mont, J. A Cruiser of West Point, I. ID
Adams OF Beatrice and w. j. Finke ol
Eagle are AZ the Millard.
y. J. Coates of Grand Island. Mr.. ant
Mrs, G. "A. Hall OF Salt Lake, j. c. Nc.
Grain, J. o. Walker OF One. J. @. Smith ol
North Bend. ~ G. Eckerman OF Aurora
J. ~ Beard OF Belle fourche and b
Surgeon OF Bonesteel are At the Mer
chants.
Captain Theodore b. Hacker has beer
granted leave Of absence for two months
10 become effective May s. Captain
Hacker is chief commissary OF the Depart
inent of the Missouri. and with Mrs
Hacker viii spend his vacation At his Ok
home In east Tennessee
Omaha daily bee., 1908-03-22
OMAHA IN EXCLUSION LEAGUE
Central Labor Union Names Seventh
Vice President in Response TO
Paciflc COast Request.

At the regular meeting Of the Central
Labor union held Friday night, a COM
munication from the japanese and Corean
Exclusion league of the Pacific coast was
read, containing the request that the Cen
trail Labor union OF Omaha elect a member
of its organization to fnl the office OF
seventh vice president. which was held open
Cor tho state Of Nebraska. John Polian was
unanimously elected. The exclusion league
was formed some time ago and its purpose
Is to create national sentiment against
the importation Of oriental labor in compe-
tition with white labor.
Complaining that the Curtis Publishing
company OF Philadelphia publishers OF the
Ladies' Home Journal and the Youths
Companion, employed nonunion com
positors and book binders. Typographical
union No. OF Phlladephla is out with a
circular informing labor unions OF the fact
After considerable discussion the PROPOSE
ton Of raising the dues OF the various To-
cal unions affiliatjng with the central body
from 81 per month to $3.50 was voted down.
Pertaining to the resolutions adopted
by the Central LEbor union against the
Penrose bill giving the postmaster general
carte blanch, in naming what shall be sec
ond class matter, copies OF which resO-
buttons were sent TO the congressmen from
Nebraska replies were read from Con-
gressmen Boyd. Pollard and Norris. con-
tanning the information that they were OPP
posed &c the bTi.
Members OF the Central Labor union are
making elnceFted effort to make the
salaries Of the janitors aud other employees
OF the common labor class at the postoffice
increased % an amount sufficient to insure
their families from want. The present
salary OF most OF these employees Is but
tab per month and under an executive order
Of 1905 they cannot make a request for q
raise, without subjecting themselves TO dis.
mlssai from the service.
Resolutions were read and adopted. com
mending the stand taken by A. j. Donahoo
against the Taft candidacy. at the recent
republican state convention held IN thil
city.
Upon information received from one Of
the delegates that there were seventy-twe
unions in the city afflllating with ths
American Federation OF Labor and OF whici
number only thirty-three were affiliated
With the Central Labor union. the secretar,
Omaha daily bee., 1908-03-22
DUN'S REVIEW OF TRADE
Reports Indicate a Little More
Activity in Business.
IDLE MACHINERY ]
DECREASES
Reductions of Dividends and Wages
show that Process of ReadJust-
ment a. Not Cone
pleted.

NEW YORK, March 2.--R, G. Dun &
Co.. in their weekly review of trade to-
morrow win say:
Trade reports indicate a little more
activity and the percentage OF idle
ma ehinery decreases, bat more reductions
In wages and dividends show that the pro-
cess of readjustment will take some time.
Weather conditions in all sections facilltate
the distribution Of seasonable wearing ap-
parel and house furnishings, improving
sentiment, yet retailers are not disposed
TO replenish stocks beyond the business
actually In sight.
steel mills, but expectation of lower prices
has postponed many orders that will soon
be placed. Pig iron is extremely quiet
more inquiries being noted than lagt month,
but little actual business is placed. Coke
ovens increase output slowly, although nor
NAL activity waits for similar conditions
at iron furnaces. Railway interests are
slowly increasing purchases of locomotives,
cars and other equipment, but this depart
ment and other heavy lines of steel are
much quieter than the lighter fornss. such
pipe. building operations have not revived
as rapidly as was hoped. yet the better
weather Is gradually restoring deferred
work, and several public buildings are
about to be commenced Minor metals have
advanced, both domestic demand for con-
sumption and speculation at London hav-
In the textile industry the most significant
development IS the unanimity with which
cotton mills, especially in New England
have announced 10 per cent reduction in
wages to take effect at the end of this
month. Jobbers report restricted orders
and there is also complaint regarding
collections, which tends to make operations
more conservative. The trifling export
trade In cOttOns lacks feature, small ship
meats OF sheetings going to China, duck
TO South Africa, print to Manila and
denims TO Australia. As to woolens the
slight Improvement noted last week has
continued, but trade Is still light, and
chiefly IN colored worsteds.
Inactivity continues I'm the New England
footwear industry, factories running on
short time, as a rule Many cities report
an output Of 70 per cent, full capacity and
shipments through Boston are about q
per cent below Il year ago. Best news q
received from Chicago and ST. Louis
where liberal orders are received for future
delivery. Some increase is reported IN the
local jobbing trade IN spring lines. Leather
Is more active. although some lines are
dull. and many tanneries are practically
shut down. A firmer feeling in the hide
market Is not accompanied BY many actual
changes in prices, but larger sales have
| reduced packers stocks.
Omaha daily bee., 1908-03-22
SHARKS MISS AND FIRE HITS
Poor Woman Rescued from Former
Loses Her Life frOm
Burns.

The funeral OF Mrs. Jacob Hoffman, who
died Thursday of burns received in the
explosion Of a gasoline stove in her home,
2523 Rees street, Tuesday afternoon, was
held Saturday at ? p. IN. from s7oS South
Twenty-fourth street. Interment was In
Laurel Hill.
Mrs. Hoffman is the same woman who
was extricated from the hands Of loan
sharks by the efforts OF Attorney John @.
Yelser and the publicity given to the case
by The Bee. The mortgage on her furni-
ture and the notes she had given were re-
turaed to her, marked paid.