The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-07-06

Hickory Hoiler News.

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Hickory Holler News.
Old Dad Ricketts,, who 10 so tight
with his money that he won't even
wear a paper collar on Sunday becus
n costs more'n celluloid, which kin be
washed. got TUX In for $500 by a
Minneapolis widder who promised &
marry him-until she got the $500.
TIL kind O. heart disease thet Old Dad
hez got now over tn loss of his money
10 tn only kind o. heart affiction
knowed { be fatal an Dad aint no
better'n could be expected at this
writin'.
Aunt Ann higgins bez got sum new
store hair that Is causin considerable
qui vive among tn feminine portion OF
this beautiful gem of the Cedar Aunt
Ann sez as soon as Uncle Ezra gifts
so he kin do neater job o. tyin' on.
nobody won't know Il frum her own
material born hair.
r- n n q
Squire Hickspn who put away his
wife few years ago T. marry his
stenographer affinity. died Yesterday In
Chicago. Sum folks seq he will now
git his punishment. but as nigh as
kin find out frnm hearing about her
an seein' her. once. tn squire hez had
punishment sufficient an bez now got
his release. Tn only thing thet puz.
zles me is II Hickson goes T. Heaven.
won't he be mighty embarrassed at
meetin' his first wife there?
z n 4
Bum bastard bruk intew HI. Bing.
hams garden patch tother night an
ct UP half his onions. iii lays II onto
sum OF them city boarders over Z
Lakeville. He seZ nobody but a
seeker after tn simple life would eat
so gol darn many onions in one night.
Them simple life folks is allus over
doin' things,
IL the party who took the ice cream
on the porch at the sociable tother
night does not walk up tew tn cap.
tain's office and remit, his name will
be printed In full in this paper
Il y 4
Unknown parties stole jug Of
liquor from Wicksons storehouse last
night. This morning Pete Bougb-
man was fuller'n goat. Mayor Bort
see thet while tn evidence is purely
circumstantial, so T. speak, he put
Pete In tn jug fer stealth a Jug
That's right. Mr.. Mayor. one jug de-
serves another (jug) Ha ha!
Il n 4
The names OF all arrearages to this
paper will be printed in full next week.
We cant pay paper bills with taffy
no longer We mean bizness!
a. The Electric Fan.
What merry, merry buzzng has the
sa cool electric fan
A you punch the old typewriter In the
AZ wild poetic sean.
How IL blows upon your temples and dis
pels the heated sway,
As II whirls In merry motion through the
torrid hours of day!
What an awful, awful falntness comes
y, upon you as you sit
And peruse a dunning letter that advises:
~ PLEASE remit"
Once again YOU feel decided that you've
been a trihe skinned
And you realize, as ever, 1t comes high
TO raise the wind!
@ O q
Nv Candidate for Bill Club.
,ySince making recent visit to Mis-.
souri, ] have decided to join the ''Bill
Club Technically, no man whose
front name is not William can Join
this recherche organization. The fact
that my last name is Williams, how
ever, ought TO give me at least two
Memberships In the "BilI' class. II
William is one BILL" Williams ought
70 be at least two Bills. On second
thought, think III be president and
treasurer Howdy Bill?
@ o o
yf ~ On tho Wing.
Every time man loses a combful
OF hair, be edges up one seat nearer
to the front OF the stage.
.The man who is sincere, Is earnest.
The man who is earnest without. sin.
csrity, seldom conyinces his customer.
Il Il q
1.-THE man who builds his fame upon
the ruins OF another's name win find
the foundation OF his success a future
source Of worry and danger. Ruins OF
whatsoever character are never safe
for the superstructure of another edi.
fice.
RAr.,,wa.s4a