davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15
DRIFTWOoD
BY PHIL n. ARAKSTRONG.

Has she . good command of ian- .,.II .T think not; she never keeps it
 Sure you're Bromide. H There are seven ages Of man. but the marriage.
 The Partridge Person
 Might be worse .un.
 What tramp likes about being riv- en money to buy something to eat is that bell make dash the first thing Tor q frse lunch counter.
 When . Kiri asks you to guess her age, you're chump to guess over eighteen.
 Did you eyer notice the woman who has no tewelry or is likely to get any Is often heard to declare that an os- tentatious display of diamonds is vuI- gar.
 i. The girl who knows more about the cooking range than her vocal range will stand the best chance of setting happily married.
 Alas. the finger pointing toward sue- cess Is scarcely dlscernible, while the finger pointing toward, ruin is big and fat and has sparkling diamond on 1t.
 How easy to tell people what we think of 'en--oYer the telephone.
 And now MIssissippi! If hobo tries and Mississippi next year. won't 1t be d long time between drinks.
 
 Speaking of government ownership of railroads. how discourteous some conductors could be with the whole U. S. Army behind 'em.
 "was there anything small about the
 Nothing but the bridesrOOm--as a'u@
 Judging by our magnificent new steel buildings some Montgomerians can read their titles clear to mansions in the skies.
 Russia's greatest actress, Madame Kommisarzhoffskeeya has started for America. Here's hoping she won't fall overheard with that name. She'd sure ly sink.
 Hon. Champ Clark said in his speech that Roosevelt is NOT a Dem ocrat Certainly not-merely likes the timber that goes in good Democratic platform.
 The Georgia papers are born optim- ists. They are growing cheerful again over the thought that they'll have fine fruit crop. + +
 1.-TWO and two make four" he wrote, "A sum I've often done,
 But the 'rithmetic l most prefer is-- You and I make one." 
 WhyR When to a girl you have proposed And she has turned you down, And you declare That life is bare
 You'll straightway go and drown. When she looks on with kindly eyes And your heart feels like a Blister And you turn to go With spirits low | Why the devil does she always take you by the lunch h-grabber. look into your eyes like a dying calf and in- stead of offering you something to l quiet your nerves, always spring
 that old gag, saying) | She'll be your sister,"
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15
SOUND DOCTRINE.

Some days ago in the United States District Court at Butte, Mont. Judge William H. Hunt used the following plain and forcible language in his de- cision'
 God gave man his hands his back and the right to use them as he pleases. It Is an inalienable right. Nc power can take 1t away from man No power can compel him to work No power can compel him to stop working fl he desires to work. When a man or any set of men. take 1t upon them selves to say that they are the law, and ta dsfx tho process of the courts. tG
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15
This Date in History
February I5.

I7S1-General Greene abandoned North Carolina to the British.
 1S04--New Jersey Legislature passed an act for the gradual abolition of slavery.
 1s44-william Williams, of Pennsyl- vania became Secretary of War.
 1S45-Elihu Root, Secretary of State, born at Clinton, N. Y.
 1863 Federal prisoners first con- fined at Andersonville, Ga.
 1S65--Cardinal Nicholas Wiscman died. Born 1909.
 1S9S-Unfted States battleship Maine blown up in Havana harbor. with loss of 260 lives.
 1905-General Lew Wallace, author of Ben Hur," died. Born- April 10. 1S27
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15
omciaI Ruling on County rrea.urer.

Further replying to the recent com munfcation of c. K. McMorris. of We tumpka. regarding the term of ofice of County Treasurer. The Advertiser General Alex M. Garber that the Coun- ty Treasurer is to be elected at the regular election next November and must file his official bond within fifteen days after the declaration of election results. The bond shall be filed with the Probate Judge in the county for which the Treasurer is elected and his term begins on the first Monday after the second Tuesday in January next following the election ,and it lasts for four years.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15
GROWS HAIR cuticura Removes Dandruff and
 SOotfes Itching ScalDs.

Warm shampoos with Cuticura Soap, vent dry, thin, and falling hair. remove s crusts, scales, and dandruff, destroy hair parasites, soothe irritated, itching surfaces, stimulate the hair follicles, loosen the scalp skin, supply the roots with energy and nourishment, and make the hair grow upon sweet, wholesome, healthy scalp when ell other treatment fails.
 Complete External and Internal Treatment for Every AufnoR Of Infants Children. and Adults con- slsts Of cutcufA Soap 6e to CeAnse ths Skin, Cuti eufa Qlntmsnt g5Ocl to Heal the 9kin, and cuti- Coaee4 Pnls 26e per vial Qf oQ to Puyiiy tho Blood eold thIogsnous the world. Potter Drug q Chem.
 szSdsiisd Sfss: dnfissssi sssf as akn Dsssasas
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15
A DIME TO A DOLLAR.
rAs James R. RanaaI Memorial Fund

Reticence to offer It's mite to wor- the hand that fears competition with one better fitted.
 He who gives his dime to good ob- 3ect is doing his share with him who gives his dJllars.
 Therefore, this paper will receive any and all contrib .ioos of from Ten Cents up to One Dollar. and Will list the same (with or without namesl Tn fhis place for the James R. Randall Me- moFial Fund.
 No subscription of over $1 will be listed here. Any one desiring to give more san write directly to the editor or to n. c. DeLeon. Mobile.
 If any newspaper desires to aid this worthy and much-needed testimonial, 1t can do so by keeping this paragraph standing at its column head and re- beating this note.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15

The Springfield (Mass) Republican insists that the President should stop the Federal oficeholders in the South from using their positions as a means of securing delegates for Taft. But can he? and does he want to stop 1t?
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15
WHAT TO SAY TODAY.
Table Talk for The Bromides During
 The Three MenIa Today.

Table Talk for The Bremides During
 The Three Meals Today.
 a valentine before the day Is over-I don't really expect to get any--Old Thaw Is forgotten already-I knew 1t was going to rain-Politics are getting hotter every day--Thosc newspaper men don't do anything but loaf around and get us something foolish--Those comic valentines wouldn't make me mad.
 They usually don't make me mad but this one is so unjust-This dampness is what makes 1t so hot-It Is just like summer-Business matters are picking up now-I don't believe that prohibit tion will make so much trouble-l can recognize every handwriting ever saw once-I know who sent me every val entine I got--The gold fish seem Tess troubled about the fountain than any hSdv else-They know they are going to be taken care of.
 Dinner-Of course the only valen- tines I got were comics-You know a man in my position would not be apt to get any real valentines-It Is funny what a hold the day has on the people 1t was just my luck to be out in the hardest part of that rain-They say il Is going to clear off believe the po- litical agitation is going to do good for the city-~I never take any active par' in politics but I believe every man ought 10 VOIG-AlHlOHl any way IL 8OOS will suit me-Tha only thinR regret about 1t was the murder of the little Crown Prince-The Anglo-Saxon people seem to be the only ones that can live any timA-Yes, look at America; or ganized by the Union nearly a hundret. years ago
 The PeddIinR Persons.
 It is perhaps needless to say there are nerchants-and merchants. People us- uaIv understand that.
 They show prosperity in different ways. Some use big electric signs others use the more common form diamonds. Each has his own peculiar way of doing business. Some will cred 1t vou-ie.: give you the henefit of the doubt: while others maintain a strict cash plan so when you've bought 1t, it's yours with no encumbrancPs
 Now there is in MontEomerY a small army of merchants-some succeeding some failinR-some plodding slowly along. content with the days profit while others appear to be followed by misfortune and are ravaged by the flames plus water. thereby cutting of the values of their damaged stock at feast one-third. Some sell rum-Soms sell gun1--most of them sell clothes iI acme form or description
 Az 1t is this class which is most nu. znerous. so 1t is this class which il
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15

Up to this writing We have escaped the blizzards and snowstorms. but we have had about as many weathers as any of them.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15

One foreign nobleman is put down on the marriage register in New York as having no occupation" but we sus- pect the entry was wrong. Ills occu- patton Is to get rich American wife.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15

Serene B. Payne informs all inter ested parties that we will have tarif revision after 1908. Of course we will have it after that time, if we ever do.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15
The Modern HIeAsage.

Louisville COur1eT-JouEHdl.
 When the makers of our Constitution invested the President with the power of transmitting messages to Congress on inc state of the Union, they did not foresee that the function would ever he limited, not to the state of the Un- ion. but to the state ot one mans mind J
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15

The main difference between a train being held up by bandits and by a Leg isiature is that the bandits generally wear masks.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15
SWORN CHRCULATIO

xne Montgomery Advertiser guarantees 3ta advertisers (and makes 1t part oL % tne cuiation is larger than that of any mornng newspaper printed in AiabamB--and that ns sunday edition has the largest circulation or any news paper printed in Alabama. without exception.
 The figures for December printed below represent the actual net oircalataon. an " fnrna having been daducted.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15

, E G Noble. Circulation Manager Of The Montgomery Advertiser. being duly sworn. Gayn:
 me foregoing statement of The Adverti- sarss circulation for the month of December. 1n01 ts true and correct. and compiled arter all returns from news boys. news agents, spoiled and leftover copies have been de- d,rcted. N. g. NOBLE.
 Circulation Manager. Sworn to and subscribed before me this 10th day of January, 1908.
 fgnAiY RIGA ALEXANDER,
 Notary Public.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15

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The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15

Speaking of government ownership of railroads. how discourteous some conductors could be with the whole U. S. Army behind 'em.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15

And now Mississippi! If a hobo tries to walk through Georgia, Alabama and Mississippi next year, won't 1t be a long time between drinks.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15

twas there anything small about the wedding?'
 Nothing but the bridegroom--as usual"
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15

Judging by our magnificent new steel buildings some Montgomerians can read their titles clear to mansions in the skies.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15

Alas. the finger pointing toward suc- cess Is scarcely discernible, while the finger pointing toward ruin is big and fat and has sparkling diamond on 1t.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15

Russia's greatest actress, Madame Kommisarzhoffskeey has started for America. Here's hoping she won't fall overboard with that name. She'd sure- iy sink.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15

How easy to tell people what \ think of 'en--oYer the telephone.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15

What tramp likes about being giv- en money to buy something to eat is that bell make a dash the first thing for a free lunch counter.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15

!. The girl who knows more about the cooking range than her vocal range will stand the best chance of setting happily married.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15

CAR LOAD SHIPMENTS SPECIALITY
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15
sure you're 2 Bromide.

There are seven ages Of man, but only two of women. The doll l-age and the marriage.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15

Did you ever notice the woman who has no tewelry or is likely to get any tentatious display of diamonds Is vui- gar,
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15

The Partridge Person Might be a worse 'un.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15

- Has 2 al >. she . good command of lan-
 ..;I T think not; she never keeps 1t
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-02-15

When Q girl asks you to guess her
 age, you're q chunp to guess over eighteen.
Mower County transcript., 1908-11-25
A TURKEYLESS
THANKSGIVING
The Story of the Three Birds That Were Three
Times Won and Lost.

to make it's rival, Ashton, either swell
with rage to bursting or wither away
in self-abasement and despair.
The fateful day arrived, gray day
with the first fakes of snow In the
air. The prize turkey shoot came OF
early in the morning at Redfeld, as ad-
vertised, but an unforeseen contingency
resulted A marksman of truly diar
bolical skill developed in a resident of
two weeks standing, and all three
turkeys fell before his trusty rifle. The
fowls had been set up at $50 yards and
with only their heads exposed to the
destructive bullets. All participants
at half dollar for each shot had dis
played remarkable accuracy of aim,
but the winner had distanced his CON-
petitors, and captured the shooting
match. The apprehension evolved
among the witnesses Of this remark
able accident soon ripened into rebel
nous determination. What was to be
done with disloyal citizen who calm
ly announced that the turkeys would
be served up at a private banquet at
the Hotel Dodge, to be enjoyed by him.
self and two especial friends? He said
he thought a bird apiece was about
their normal capacity, and as three
fowls certainly could not furnish a
meal for rs, and somebody must go
without turkey, it would be more sat
isfactory all around to let three lucky
fellows get enough for once. At the
end of short but explosive debate
the winner was immured in a freight
Mower County transcript., 1908-11-25
The !.
Lament OF
the Foolish
Hen

Such wealth Of corn as we
%HxE never saw: there comes
- To toss US out our meal Of
grain.
A few months back I was 30 thin,
But now have double chin
And feel as though I was tight laced
When put on my corset waist.
4 4 4
Aunt Jane comes out at early morn
With her blue apron full of corn,
And with a friendly, clucking sound
She throws it on the frosty ground.
The crops are gathered in; the days
Are soft with Indian summer haze,
And Jack, the chore boy, feeds the stock
While chips fly at the chopping block.
The city may have it's delights,
But these delightful days and nights
Upon the farm are full for me
OF the serenest ecstasy.
Since back there in September they
Have added to our fare each day
Until, to fullness thus inspired,
There's nothing left to be desired
4 4 4
A word about Aunt Jane, that serves
To pay the tribute she deserves:
Since first I broke my shell to see
The world she has been good to me.
When foolishly in youth I strayed
In the wet grass, she often stayed
Long after dark to bring me in
And dry my wet, goose -pimpled akin.
I always had a. roosting place
Secure from danger by the grace
Of her, and many days and nights
She treated me for parasites.
Her care of me, someway, has stirred
The thought I am no common bird
And some day I will take, I know,
A ribbon at a poultry show.
When I go strutting DER the yard
Aunt Jane peers through her glasses hard
And I can see and not half try
The admiration in her eye.
And Jack, the choreboy, when he slips
From barn to pump, will smack his lips
To see me wax so fat-he knows
How Aunt Jane loves me, I suppose.
& & 4
Old Gobbler there, so lank and lean,
Is full of jealous musings mean.
He barely eats and is so thin
His bones are sticking through his skin.
Mower County transcript., 1908-11-25
Al Three Fell Before His Trusty Rife.

Al Three Fell Before His Trusty Rife.
car in spite of his verbal and fsdc
protests, and the turkeys were hand
ed over to the hotel proprietor and his
cook to be prepared for the grand
public dinner.
The short winter day came to an
end and darkness fell upon the plain,
hardly whitened by the snow that had
melted as fast as it had fallen. Sud-
denly there was great excitement and
confusion at the hotel. Nothing was
to be found of the cook or of the tur-
keys which had been roasting for
hours in the oven Of the hotel range
The chef had been bribed in advance
by a willy Ashtonian, and with the
first shades of night he had stolen
away, aguratively and literally, with
the turkeys already done to 4 turn.
At Ashton all went merrily. The
oyster supper began decorously, but
when plates bearing small but in
dubitably genuine slices of turkey.
and generous helpings of dressing
danked by quivering masses of Grim
son cranberry jelly, were swiftly
passed down the long table, a wild,
exultant shout went up that lifted the
roof of the frail hoto. structure and
shattered the silence of Dakota night
outside till the rival town nine miles
away might easily have noted the VI
bratiOns. ssr1 T.. sr
Among the unspeakable crimes Of
the great west that are still shrouded
In mystery is the bribing of the hotel
cook. The briber possibly still lives
In luxury, with his secret all his own;
in some kitchen far away may still
preside the chef who accepted his ces.
rupting fund. .slz
Mower County transcript., 1908-11-25

"I Do Not Care to Talk with Him."
He tried to whisper something once
To me, the scrawny, half-starved Ounce,
But passed on with figure trim,
I do not care to talk with him.
4 4 &
Aunt Jane one morning cooped us in
The yard, the stout ones and the thin,
We are so tame, and she has made
Us love her so we're not afraid.
And then she caught us, one by one.
And petted us, and ere twas done,
She felt my body, my plump side,
Till I could scarce contain my pride.
4 4 4
Old Gobbler sat neglected quite,
So thin he was a sorry sight,
And she passed him by nor did stop
TO stroke his side or feel his crop.
Again he sought to speak with me,
Again I scorned him haughtily,
And he brushed something from his eye,
A tear, I think, as passed by.
Last night had a horrid dream.
I thought heard Old Gobbler scream:
"Don't eat! Don't eat!" until the words
Walked me and all the other birds.
Old Gobbler sat there like a sphinx
And watched me as hungry lynx;
It must have been a dream and then
closed my eyes in sleep again.
4 4
'Tis morning now, here comes Aunt Jane.
Her apron full Of corn again; =
But what grim person that with her
SO like an executioner?
He bears glittering ak and bright,
In truth, a most revolving sight,
But passes by-Ah, me, the fright
Near took away my appetite.
Now stoops Aunt Jane to bid mo beg
For corn. She grabs me by the leg!
"Ho, Jack!'' she cries. "Come, hurry!
run! ~ 5r"=i =" s
I've got the very fattest one!"
He comes across the yard and takos
Me to the chopping block and shakes
His cleaning ax-Old Gobbler, near
Goes .kyouck" and wipes another tear.
How cold and treacherous is fate! .,
seeI it all, but tits too late. ..5 gtEAs
Old Gobbler's whisper was to warn 5.
Me of the fate Of too much corn.
He loved me! Hear his mournful
'kyouck y 6ss t 4 f .t#
I close my eyes upon the block lE
Forgive me, Gobbler! Stayed thin
] had escaped this guillotine A
". Foley. n Philadelphia Ledger.
Mower County transcript., 1908-11-25

a new world would be created for
them. If we allow our heart to cher
ish unlovingness, bitterness, evil
thoughts or feelings, we cannot hear
the music of love which breathes
everywhere, pouring out from the
heart Of God. But If we keep our
heart gentle, patient, lowly, and kind,
on our ears will fall, wherever we go,
sweet strains of divine music straight
from heaven.
A great man has said that the hab-
It Of cheerfulness is worth a fortune
a year. This is true not only in q
financial way, it is true of ones own
enjoyment of life and also of the
worth of ones life to others. A glad
heart gets immeasurably more out of
life than one that is gloomy. Every
day brings its benedictions. If it is
raining, rain is blessing. If trouble
comes, God draws nearer than before,
for LAS your days, so shall your
strength be-" Then, in the trouble,
benedictions are folded up. If there
Is sorrow, comfort is revealed in the
sorrow, bright light in the cloud. If
the day brings difficulties, hardships,
heavy burdens, sharp struggles, life's
best things come in just this kind of
experience and not in the easy ways
The thanksgiving heart finds treasure
and good everywhere.
Then a glad life makes a life Of
gladness wherever it goes. 1t leaves
an unbroken lane of sunbeams behind
it. Everybody is better as we'll as hap
pier for meeting one whose Christian
life radiates gladness and cheer. We
can do nothing better either for our
selves or for the world in which we
live than to learn the lesson of praise
and Of thanksgiving. Let US learn to
sing unto the Lord with thanksgiv-
ing" There are troubles in every
life, but there are a thousand good
things for one trial. Sometimes we
have disappointments but even these
are really Gods appointments, as
some day we shall find out. If people
are unkind to us, we must go on low
ing just as before, our hearts full Of
unconquerable kindness, and it will
finally win. The most deep-seated ten
dency to sadness can be overcome and
replaced by happy cheerfulness. The
gospel of Christ comes to us and tells
us that we must be born again, born
from above, born of God, and our very
nature will be recreated. Then d.
vine grace assures us that it is not
impossible even for the most unholy
life to be transformed into holiness.
The being that is saturated with sin
may be whittier than snow. There is no
nature, therefore, however unhappy
1t may be because of its original quail.
ity or It's early training, which cannot
through divine help learn the lesson
of happiness and thanksgiving. The
secret of Christian Joy Is the peace of
Christ in the heart. Then one is not
dependent upon circumstances or con-
ditions. st. Paul said he had learned
in whatsoever state he was therein to
be content. We know well that his
circumstances were not always con-
genial nor easy, but he sang songs in
his prison with as cheerful heart as
when he was enjoying the hospitality
of loving frierd. There might be
hardships, su1fer;ngs, and want; but
in himself he had the peace of Christ;
and this sustained him. st. Paul's
secret of contentment is the Chris
tian's true secret of happy life.
Mower County transcript., 1908-11-25
The Peoples Thanksqivina,

Even as we join in thankfulness to
the fountain of all good and perfect
things, we echo the aspirations of
those less fortunate throughout, the
world who are turning their eyes to-
ward the sunlight and the morning of
freedom and the responsibilities which
freedom brings. It Is our Thanksgiv.
ing that we have led the way in the
path illuminated by the sun Of lib
srty. IL. VI
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1908-09-10
Grover C!cVsland's Insurance.

The late ex-Prasident Grover
Cleveland had $500 insurance on
his life, taken out in 1876. Mr..
Cleveland was Unable to obtain addi-
tional insurance Oh account Of berg
over weight.
Shortly before he died, Mir. Cleve-
land said, in an interview.
when | was a young man tooh
out two policies for my mother
One was for $3.50 and the other
S., 1000. have held on to them all
these years, and am still paying
premiums on them. Pm going to
hold on to them. That is the thing
for everybody with somebody de-
pendent upon him. Get policy and
then hold on to it. 1t means self
respect; it means that nobody will
have to put something into hat for
you, or for your dependent ones, ii
you should be snatched away from
them. Nobody who liked you living
will be called on to do anything for
you or yours with i'll grace and a
grudging heart"