davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08
Plain Faces,

Now, having done all that we were
assured was necessary to the develop
ment of the female form and the
maintenance of sound body, we are
warned that we are rearing a nation
of plain men and women, and leaving
our descendants heritage of ugli-
ness. After all, as the Irishman said,
what has posterity done for us?
Whatever we do, those who come
after us will doubtless find that we
were all on the wrong track, just as
we are convinced that ours is much
better way than that of our prede-
cessors. If we take care of our
bodies, our faces must take care of
themselves. Maybe those of another
century will repair the damage
Lady's Pictorial.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08

stool, you see how gentle she really
is? A COW must feel that you are her
master, kindly master, but not to
be disputed" and he began to squeeze
the milk into the bucket. "Calmness
always has it's effect. What an easy
mixer she isl" he went on. II had
an idea, from your frequent mishaps,
that she might be really difficult to
manage. But on the contrary, she
seems to be unusually docile."
He MIXED away complacently and
my heart went into my boots with
the fear that that unnatural beast
/ was going to let him finish his work
without showing her colors. But all
at once hope revived, for l saw her
swing her long horns around and her
sleepy eyes blink at him and the
bucket, which was nearly full.
Ny father began one of his lectures
on kindness to all animals, cows in
particular, because" he argued.
aside from the humane view of the
question, there is value to us in
milk which is yielded willingly like
this, which is lost if the cow is
fevered or nervous. You do not mean
20 be fretful or unkind, am sure,
Convince her" he did not finish
the sentence, for the crooked tail
switched suddenly, splashing into the
bucket and then into the speakers
face, while her foot went into the
bucket.
The dripping brush blinded him
and the stool went out from under
him, so that by the time l reached
him he was lying with his hair and
whiskers in pool of warm milk.
But no sooner had l helped him tc
his feet, than he made dash for the
fence, and catching off the top rail,
he proceeded himself to convince
the COW.
Bring the rest of the fence, Jimia
he gasped between whacks.
"Can l help you, Pop?" I asked,
when l began to feel sorry for the
COW, and little alarmed for my
parent.
He stopped suddenly and looked at
me half dazed, but with some shame
in his dripping face.
Il guess we'll sell that COW, Jim.
I've notion Deacon Saltwater wants
about such an animal. She is, as ]
said, an easy mixer, and she certain.
ly gives good pailful," here he
smiled ruefully, "but the sudden and
unexpected elements are rather over
developed in her case, and require
judicious handling. I'll see the dea.
con tomorrow. From the Florida
Agriculturist.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08
Longevity Of Medical Men.

Some interesting statistics have
been got together by foreign con-
temporary on the duration of medi-
cal mans life during the last GEN.
turtles. 1t appears that in the six
teenth the practitioner lasted only
thirty-six years and five months. In
the seventeenth century this was in
creased to forty-five years and eight
months. The eighteenth heightened
this four years, and in the nineteenth
century we find that the medical man
reached fifty-six years and seven
months.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08

"You poor child" she cried in her
soft, slow way. Has that wicked
COW been at her tricks AGAIN."
"Yes," l answered in rather I'M
even voice, and l whaled her with a
rail-"
She caught her breath a little.
"Well," she said comfortingly, I'm
sure she deserved it, Jim, dear. l
hope it doesn't show where you hit.
If it doesn't l wouldn't feel so bad
about it.
"Oh, but Pop saw me; he was just
riding by" l explained.
She took in the situation, but she
was my friend every time, so with
her blue eyes very wide open she half
whispered, What did he do?"
"Said he'd take the strap to me
before bed time" l wouldn't cry,
but the tears back of my eyes made
'em smart.
well, now, Jimmie" said the dear
soul, go and slip on some dry things
and then come and have your supper,
so you can get to bed little early.
You look dead tired, poor boy!"
I felt that I was tagged. Even
supper was burden, such a longing
for my cozy bed. 1t was plain my
stepmother felt, with me, that no
really humane person would rouse a
growing boy of his peaceful slumbers
on purpose to wallup him. Accord
ingly l made haste to retire, and
when Pop came in l was snoring.
He had had profitable little bust
ness deal, and a delightful ride in the
cool of the day, and brought home
his pockets full of new magazines.
My dear stepmother had griddle
cakes and honey for supper. No
wonder he forgot his evil plans, and
began to cut the leaves of his Scien-
tific Monthly, chatting pleasantly the
while.
All at once he remembered, and l
could feel him stiffen up, as he asked
shortly, Where's that boy?"
Jim, poor fellow?" queried the
voice of my stepmother. Hes gone
to bed; he seemed clear tired out"
"Yes," said my father, mo wonder.
1t takes muscle to pound big COW
with hard wood rail. Did he tell
you how he came to be SO weary"
She admitted reluctantly that
did, but added excusingly: "She is
such an exasperating creature! I'm
sure Jimmie has tried his best to be
patient with her."
Rather compulsory patience, "
grunted my father. II suppose the
animal is annoying, but can't have
the boy grow up brute. You
should have seen the fury of the
little beggar! I can believe he is
tired. But promised him strap
ping. You coaxed me out of it the
last time it was due, you know"
"But father!" the soft voice plead
ed. "You'll wait till morning, won't
you? You wouldn't wake the dear
boy out of a sound sleep?"
THAT'S what ] would" declared
ray irate parent, beginning to work
himself into passion. "You know
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08
The ART of PLEASING Them.

"The chief thing is to give your
husband what he wants." says a wo-
man learned in the ways of pleasing
men, whether you think he ought to
have it or not. A sick man or even
a half-intoxicated man who thinks
you are the most wonderful woman
in the world is better than healthy,
sober man who never comes home or
has nothing to say when he does."-
Pittsburg Dispatch.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08

very we'll he won't get his deserts at
all If l sleep on it. He must under
stand that l mean what say" and he
strobe towards my room.
l snored deeply. ff
'Jim." he Numbered.
snored loudly and even moaned a
little in my sleep.
Look here. sonny" and his hand
came down on my shoulder.
sat up, rubbing my eyes.
You know what promised you
jump out here!" and he took small
trunk strap from nail on the wall.
I'D just as soon wait till morn
ing; I'm so sleepy" 1 ventured.
We'll. I'll wake you! Try your
superior strength on a defenseless
COW, again, will your" and the strap
came down.
A boys sense of justice is keen,
and each stroke of that strap aroused
every little demon l was acquainted
with, in my heart. l simply would
not cry, so stood still as possible
and let him relieve his mind. He had
never whipped me SO hard before,
and when he went back to the sitting
room, where his wife sat dropping
tears on her knitting work, I have
doubted since if he felt much drawer
man than he did before he trounced
me.
AS for me, l forgot how much
really admired my big, handsome
father, my teacher and friend as
well, generally speaking; and 1 quite
revelled in unfilial reflections until
sleep overcame me. In the morning
| looked for streaks on my back and
shoulders, and finding a few 1 called
my stepmother to put her kind hands
on them and feel sorry for me, Incl
dentally to report my sad condition
to my father.
was correct in all my calculations.
Tears and kisses fell on my wounds,
and when l went out to breakfast,
sulky and sore, found my father dis
posed to propitiate me. OF course he
couldn't say, in straightforward way,
that he had overwhelmed himself,
and consequently been unduly harsh.
But he made agreeable little jokes
and asked me, with a poke in my
sorest rib, if I "broke the rail?"
But as I remained sullen, he be-
came serious and instructive. "You
see, Jim," he explained blandly, "the
trouble is that you fret the COW,
somehow. She is nervous and you
seem ito aggravate her nervousness.
Animals are often as susceptible to
such impressions as human beings.
Now. I'll go out with you and show
you how quickly calmness, with a
firm bearing, will quiet her."
cheered up at once. Nothing
could be better than this. I brought
the bucket with an alacrity that must
have surprised him, and followed him
to the barnyard.
He strobe out with his usual conf
dent gait, and stepping up to Lily as
If they were boon companions, took
her by both horns, lifting her head
from sweet bunch of clover. She
blinked at him in her stupid, mislead-
ing way. 1t deceived him, but not
me, for l saw her tail go crooked.
so, Bossy!" he ordered, and she
"soed" obediently.
You see, Jim," he remarked, as he
tried to sit evenly on the one-legged
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08
UTOPIA.

If you and might only go
. Far from the worlds rude, wrangling voices
And find some leafy spot. and low
Softly to charm welded
spot where black hilshadows fall,
And where the blue sea-spaces gisten,
glen where dreamy pillows call
For souls, like yours and mine to listen .fr,
How gladly then the days would glide.
How fautlessy the nights would follow,
With cadences of many tide
In cool and hollow.
What peace sheltered lives would holdi
What rest placid lives discover
While wind, and bird and sea-wave told
The joys of lover and of lover.
picture easeful spent
nj Among broad, shadowy branches lifting
Their gloss to pure ornament
Where spheres of paid peace drift;
L see the hexuous vnecoil browse,
The deep, dark MOSES glimmer greenly,
And watch, between close-tangled boughs,
The clearcurved breaker flashing keeny
Morn after happy eyes,
From bright, smooth beach, sheer cliff ending
Would greet with unassuaged surprise
The grandeur of the suns ascending
A ceaseless marvel unto
Would seem days mighty flower unfolding,
Beholding the miraculous,
And awed with its divine beholding
Eve after each Heeng hue
In western heavens would wake wonder,
Till vaguely arched that eyrie blue
The white stars love to blossom under;
And Ger dusk waters, it might be.
The kindling eastern air grew yellow
While gaudily from the purple sea
Mounted the great moon goldenmeow,
All; here how sweet, my love, my own,
10 dream, aloof from any sorrows,
vi one fair changeless monotone
Serene tomorrows and tomorrows.
All, sweet, in sooth, when God had urled,
All colors at the calm skyverges,
And night came siencing the world
And loudening the long sea-surges.
Edgar Fawcett
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08
Curious Mine in China.

One of the most curious mines in
the world is in Tongking. China,
where, in sand formation, at a
depth of from fourteen to twenty
feet there is deposit of the stems
Of trees. The Chinese work this
mine for the timber, which is found
in good condition, and is used in
making collins and tronghs, and for
carving and other purposes.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08

afternoon toilette of ceremony. like
wise in company with the glove. But
indoors during the day it is not de-
sirable that curtailed sleeve. which
displays just that portion of the arm
that is only in such rare cases really
pretty; for it is either as fiat as a
board, covered with down, or quite
an ugly red color. And in no in
stance do like the elbow sleeve as
the accompaniment of cloth dress;
1t is far too hard in effect. If short
sleeves must be worn they should be
made of lace and soft fabrics. not of
cloth. But this season there is re-
vulsion in favor of very long sleeves
that reach down even to the knuckles
of the hands,"
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08

Chicken la Tartare-One young chicken four heaping
of butter egg breadcrumb salt and men,
per- and some mixed pickles. Tartare.
SINCE empty and split the chicken half season with
salt and after removing breasbone FRY the
chicken in three tabespoonus the butter until cooked
enough-it will take about half hour-urnng it fire.
quenty remove 1t from the and press between two
dishes with heavy weight on top till it is nearly cold Then
dip 1t In the egg well beaten and roll plenty fine bread
crumbs Melt the remaining tablespoonful butter and
sprinkle all over the chicken roll breadcrums once
more Fry in smoking hot fat till golden color or bro over
clear fire. Serve at with pickles and sauce
Tartare-Boston Cooking School Magazine
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08
Ordered Around.

Sorry, sir" telephoned the butch
er. "but we are out of sirloin. Why
don't your wife order you a round?r
whats that?v exploded Harker at
the other end of the line.
Il say. why don't your wife order
you round?r
why don't my wife order me
around? MAJ, that is all she does.
from morning until night! II you
were nearer, I'd" But the startled
butcher had hung up the receiver
The Children's Visitor.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08

II tell you, Binks, what that boy
of yours needs is thoroughly sound
thrashing."
Il don't believe in corporal pun
ishment."
What? Do you mean to say that
you never whip that boy, Binks?'
Moo" replied Binks, after some
hesitation. THAT is, never except in
self-defense. "-Harpers Weekly.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08
Things We Laugh At.

Overheard sidewalk converse.
ton to-day. One man was drunk and
another man called him liar and
hit him with a club"
what of it,"
well, 1t didn't seem half so side
splitting as it does on the stage. -
Louisville Courier-Journal.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08
To Balance.

"Why does dog hang his tongue
out of his MOUTH" asked the teacher.
"Yes, my boy?" said the visitor from
the school board to a bright-looking
lad who held up his hand, while the
light of genius was in his eyes.
Please, sir" cried the pupil, cts
to balance his tall"
And the teacher groaned in an
guish. Home Magazine.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08
Ten Hours For Women.

So far as New York State is con-
cerned, while the ten-hour day for
women has been established, it is a
regrettable fact that in test case
the law forbidding night work was
pronounced unconstitutional by the
Court of Appeals, and this only last
year.-New York Evening Post.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08
Sign of the Times.

Mrs. Marriage changes a
man."
Mrs. Doyle-"Thats so. l mar
ried tall man and now he is short
New York Press.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08
D A Good Boy.

Mr.. Ryley-" Why are yez decorat-
in. Mrs. Murphy"
Mrs. Murphy--"Me by Denny is
comm home the day"
Il fought it wuz for foive years he
wuz stint up?"
He wuz; but he got year off for
good behayvure."
AN sure, it must be a great COM
fort for We to have a good by loike
that! "-Tit-Bits
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08

IT is because prone to be partial towards
those they love, unjust towards those they hate
seryile towards those above Them arrogant towards
those below them and either harsh overndugent to
those in poverty and Distress that is so difficult to
ind any one capable of exercising sound judgment with
respect to the qualities of others. Therefore it is the
part of wisdom to withhold judgment and immense our
selves in affairs, in order that others NAV at
tend to theirs-Confucus
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08
Good Wanted Fad.

Pat-"Oi'll tell yez, Moike, phwat
we want in politics is good min.
Mike-"Yis, an begorra we want
'em bad. Boston Transcript.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08
Troubles Enough.

Prospective Suitor-"Sir, l love
your daughter.
Her Well, don't come to
me with your troubles. San Fran.
cisco Star.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08
Not che First to do hi

Miss Florence Nightingale has de-
monstrated that it is possible to be
a grand old maid.-Chicago Record
'erald.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08
Making Excuses.

Republics" said the disappointed
statesman, ARE ungrateful."
WELL" answered Farmer Corn
tossel, sits so hard to tell a patriot
from an officeseeker that l don't
blame republic for gettin' kind o.
suspicious. Washington Star.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08
Cruel.

"What do you think of my execu.
ton on the piano."
mo better place for an execution
could be chosen. l have always been
in favor of furnishing criminals on
the scene of the crime. Chicago
News.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08
Only His Train.

"Gracious! exclaimed Mrs. Good.
ley, lust listen to that clergyman!
I'm positive he's swearing. Evidently
he's missed his vocation"
"No," replied her husband, 81 think
it was his train. Philadelphia
Press.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08
None Better.

"Who was best man at her wed.
ding?"
1.-THE bridegroom, of course. Why,
she'd had the pick of the whole neigh.
N""hood. '-Philadelphia Ledger
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08
Polite in Extremity.

Mother-"Oh, Bobby, you naughty
boy, you've been smoking!' (Pause.)
Poor darling, do YOU feel very bad?"
Bobby (who has been we'll brought
up)-"Thank you. I'm dying
Punch.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08
The Object.

II understand" remarked Nagget.
shat you women are going to or.
ganize Dorcas Society"
"O!" replied his wife, that's all
talk
"Of course" said he, shat seems
to be the main object of such socie-
ties. "-Philadelphi Press.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08
Information Desired.

@Say, pa?"
"What is it?"
"Can man who is rounded off at
the corners be called square MANI"
what kind of man is one who
is rounded off at the corners?'
"A bow-legged one. New York
Press.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08
No Horses to Hold.

"Say, mister?"
"Well, what?"
"Shall | hold your automobile for
?"-New York Press.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08
Right or Her Hand.

Ella-"I gave him the mitten."
Stella-"That was an offhand thing
to do. New York Press.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08
Persecution.

Persecution is not wrong because
it is cruel, but cruel because it is
wong. -Whately.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08

A toad is said to lay 1850 eggs
ia year, but only one egg in one thou
sand develops into a toad.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08
The Ice Man.

The ice man is husky guy
With muscles like steel springs;
But he need not be SO strong to tote
The little piece he brings.
Chicago Journal.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08

With t1s lvrtly lellovS
eg@1SSS@s .....;szSSS
SAAsEA
The Ice Man.
The ice man is husky guy
With muscles like steel springs;
But he need not be SO strong to tote
The little piece he brings.
Chicago Journal
Right Of Her Hand.
Ella-"I gave him the mitten."
Stella-"That was an offhand thing
to do. New York Press.
No Horses to Hold.
"Say, mister?"
"Well, what?"
"Shall | hold your automobile for
York Press.
Good Wanted Bad.
Pat-"Oi'll tell yez, Moike, phwat
we want in politics is good min.
Mike-"Yis, an begorra we want
'em bad. Boston Transcript.
Troubles Enough.
Prospective Suitor-" Sir, l love
your daughter.
Her Well, don't come to
me with your troubles. San Fran.
cisco Star.
Sign of the Times.
Mrs. Marriage changes a
man."
Mrs. Doyle-"That's so. l mar
ried tall man and now he is short
New York Press.
None Better.
"Who was best man at her wed.
ding?"
THE bridegroom, of course. Why,
she'd had the pick of the whole neigh.
""hood philadelphia Ledger
o.
Polite in Extremity.
Mother-"Oh, Bobby, you naughty
boy, you've been smoking!' (Pause)
. Poor darling, do you feel very bad?"
Bobby (who has been well brought
up)-"Thank you. I'm dying
Punch.
Only His Train.
"Gracious!" exclaimed Mrs. Good.
ley, Just listen to that clergyman!
I'm positive he's swearing. Evidently
he's missed his vocation"
NO." replied her husband, 81 think
1t was his train. Philadelphia
Press.
Cruel.
"What do you think of my execu.
ton on the piano."
No better place for an execution
could be chosen. l have always been
in favor of Furnishing criminals on
the scene of the crime. Chicago
News.
Making Excuses.
Republics" said the disappointed
statesman, ARE ungrateful"
We'll" answered Farmer Corn
tossel, sits so hard to tell a patriot
from an officeseeker that don't
blame republic for gettin' kind o.
Washington Star.
Nh o,,,o.. IN
II understand" remarked Nagget,
.that you women are going to or.
ganize a Dorcas Society"
"O!" replied his wife, that's all
.alk.'
"Of course" said he, "that seems
10 be the main object of such socie-
lies. "-Philadelphia Press.
Information Desired.
"Say, pa?"
"What is it?"
"Can man who is rounded off at
he corners be called square man?r
what kind of man is one who
S rounded off at the corners?"
"A bow-legged one. New York
Press.
Things We Laugh AT.
Overheard sidewalk converse.
ion to-day. One man was drunk and
mother man called him liar and
lit him with club. :"
What of it?"
well, it didn't seem half so side
splitting as it does on the STAGE
louisville Courier-Journal.
Self-Help.
II tell you, Binks, what that boy
If yours needs is thoroughly sound
Il don't believe in corporal pun
What? Do you mean to say that
you never whip that boy, Binks?"
Moo replied Binks, after some
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1908-05-08
IND THE COW AND FATHER.
BY KATHARINE AMES.


~~~#AA~~WHNNN
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-08-29
HAD TO SHAVE HIS HEAD.

A resident of nearby town some
times suffers with peculiar ache in
the back of his head. He recently
purchased some liRament, which was
guaranteed to cure any kind of a head
ache by external treatment. He used
the remedy several times very effect
lively. One night not long ago re
awoke with the same old pains. He
went TO the cupboard and after using
copious applications of what he
thought was the remedy. covering t1e
back and top of his head. he retired.
1t cured the ache Immediately and
he fell into sweet sleep. When he
awoke in the morning he found the
pillow persisted in sticking TO his
head Investigation revealed the fact
that he applied cheap grade OF sticky
yarnish instead of linament. Of course
the varnish effected the desired cure.
But water would not remove the
varnish and in consequence he was
compelled to shave his head.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-08-29
An Expert,

In one of the interior towns there
lives a farmer who brings butter, eggs
and produce to market. and, being IL
literate. also brings with him his son
to do the figuring
The other day the son was ill and
the old man had to venture alone. For
awhile he got along pretty well b.
letting his customers do the figuring.
but presently he sold two rolls of but
ter to IA woman who could not figure
any better than he.
The farmer was much puzzled. but.
being resolved that she should not
know that his early education had been
neglected, he took scrap of paper
from his pocket and began. He put
down lot of marks on the paper
and then said:
Lets see: dots dot, figures fig
ure. two from one and none remains
with three to carry-S1.50, madam
please"
She paid over the S1.50, took the
butter home. had it weighed and FIG
ured up" by her daughter, who dis
covered that the price should hay,
been $40 instead of S1.50.-St. Lou:
Globe Democrat