Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1908-07-02
BURKLEYS
INDEP EN- DENCE
He Was Not a Success at
Handling the Razor.

Burnley determined to be independ.
ent of BARRIERS, or very nearly indie
pendent, at least He would continue
to let them cut his hair occasionally,
but that was all. So he purchased a
shaving outfit and made war on his
face And, though an unbiased Judge
might have criticised the results, they
seemed to satisfy Burnley.
But his razor soon became dull.
Better take it to barber" coun-
seled Hawkins. "One really ought to
have two razors and work 'em in
shifts, having one sharpened while he
uses the other"
"Whatll the barber do to it,"
"Strop It,"
Cant II"
He was going out that evening, SO
he left the office about half an hour
early.
AS soon as he reached home he
peeled off his coat and vest. Then he
hitched the strop to doorknob and
went to work with a will. He felt so
confident and self-reliant that he be-
gan to whistle. He might be bit awk-
ward at it, but he'd put an edge on the
thing all right. Just then the razor
turned and cut long cash in the
strop.
That about ruined the strop, but
Burnley believed the razor was sharp
enough. anyway. Accordingly he deco
rated his face with fine coat of lather
and then sliced confidently at the stub
BILE near his right ear. Instantly a
panied and astonished expression
shone from the eyes of Burkley-the
rest of his face, of course, being
masked in white.
"Je-e-e-e-hosaphat!" he exclaimed.
He again began stropping furiously
and again slashed the strop.
Father suggested Mrs. B. mildly,
father used to strop his razor differ
entity"
Burnley had genuine affection for
his wife, but he felt that no woman
should presume so far as to tell man
how to do something which was essen
TALLY mannish. He treated her sug
gestion with the silent hauteur it de-
served. He kept on stropping, slowly
and carefully. He believed he had
mastered the art now. Presently he
noistened the dry lather on his coun-
tenance by adding a fresh coat, and
ties away from his ear But he only
started.
well, Tll-be darned!" he ejacu-
lated. Seems to be getting duller all
the time"
Father" began Mrs. Burkley, used
-"
"Confound father!" snapped Burk-
ley. styles have changed since
fathers time"
Mrs. Burnley subsidized. Burnley re-
sumed his muscle-making exercise.
The strop was now getting a surface
like a chopping block, but Burnley was
still determined. After ten minutes
of pore-opening work he heaved a deep
sigh of relief
"I'll bet it'll do now" he said.
But he tried the edge on his thumb
this time. And from the ease with
which it almost severed that digit it
seemed to be much improved.
Mrs. Burnley cried out at sight of
the blood. Burnley declared it was
nothing, but Mrs. B. anointed and
bound up the wound 10 the less,
and Burnley began feeling he had act
ed like brute. That is he did until
Mrs. B. ventured
Il remember hearing father say"
Well" snapped Burnley, what in
thunder did father say?"
He used to say that unless one
turned the razor over sort of back
wards after each stroke on the strop
the edge would be turned"
What an idiot l ami" groaned
Burkley. Il knew that all the time,
but didn't think of it,"
Burkley's hope revived. He might
be humbled a bit in the eyes of his
wife, but he could still hold up his
head when he met Hawkins. He
clenched his teeth and stropped
viciously but triumphantly for some
minutes. Then he tried the edge-gin-
gerly-on his fingers and-ecstasy! it
seemed to be sharp.
But when he applied it to his face
it still pulled painfully. He turned to
Mrs. B.
Myrtle" he said, "have you any
recollection how your father used to
tell when a razor was sharp"
"Oh, yes. He used to pull a hair
from his head and cut at it,"
That's right! I've seen BARRIERS do
that"
Burnley tried to pull single hair
from his scanty crop. He found it
rather difficult to separate one from
it's neighbors. But finally he got hold
Of what seemed to be just one and
jerked. 1t hurt, but Burnley was
game and jerked harder. When it
came out he saw that it was six. The
razor wouldn't cut them. Burnley
stropped some more, then stopped to
try again. The hairs had mysteriously
disappeared, so he had to pull another
one. This time he got four. But still
the razor only made them bend double
Burnley faced a dilemma. One
thumb was cut, now the other was
blistered. He gave up.
When Burnley reached the office
next morning the first man he ran into
was Hawkins. who eyed him critically.
$50 you got shaved by barber?"
remarked Hawkins.
Burnley didn't ask Hawkins how he
knew. He merely meekly nodded.
"I'll bet l do sharpen the thing,