Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-09-20

know, took 1t nome, anu me an my QUIZ
oman made tay of it. ~
a salesman in the old country recommended
a certain rich material by saying, Madam,
it will wear forever and make petticoat after
ward.
Two members of the bar, Doyle and Yelver
ton, quarreled and came to blows. Doyle
knocked Yelverton down twice and exclaimed,
You scoundrel, I'll make you behave yourself
like gentleman" At this the other rose,
screaming, No, sir, never! defy you, defy
you! You could not do it =.
Her Wooden-Headed Son
A PROUD maternal heart declared that there
was never such another as her son Bill, who
had made two chairs and fiddle out OF his
own head and had wood enough left to make
one more.
Il will never spake to you more y declared
a lover furiously. "Kape your spake to your
self them" retorted the girl. :" am sure can
live without either it your company. =
- l am can them came the surprising
answer.
An Irish carpenter sent in bill for hanging
two barndoors and himself seven hours, two
dollars and half.
A young woman admitted that she liked her
lover very much, but said she was the darling
of a widowed mother whose kindness could
not be equaled Marry me- begged the
enthusiastic lover. and see if | don't beat
your mother"
LAS | was going over the bridge the other
day, SAID a son OF Eth, met toI-
molly. Connolly says |, how are you. =
Pretty well, thank you, keefe, says he.
Keefei says |, that's not my name y
Faith says he, and mines not Connolly"
With that we looked again at alch other, and
sure enough it was nayther OF us
An Irish paper told of poor deaf man named
Calf who was killed by being run over by a
locomotive And he received similar injury
this time last year" added the paper.
Two for the Doctors
physicians in the old country sometimes
administered fearful doses of medicines.
Witness the effect on the Irishman that said he
took SO many drugs that he was sick a long
time after he got well.
medical student, who was asked what
progress he had made in his profession, replied,
" / hope to be qualified to be physician;
for | think ] ann now able to cure child
A miller who found that rival IN trade was
about to set UP windmill beside his, tried to
dissuade him by the remark, " You see, there
is not wind enough to move one windmill, let
alone two"
Il will make her said the Irish baronet OF
his intended wife, Lady O'Irigger, and a
good husband into the bargain.
1t was Sir Boyle Roche, famed for his fire.
quent use of bulls, who once declared, Mr..
Speaker, | do not why We should put our
selves out of the way for posterity. What has
posterity done for us
On another occasion, he said . | am willing
to give up not part, but the whole. of the
Constitution, to preserve the remainder
An Irish litterateur, upon eating an apple
pie favored with few green gooseberries, eA-
claimed, with gusto. "Ah, what darling of
an apple pie it would be if it was all made of
green gooseberries!
Errors in Courtship
V/ILL you run away with me tonight, Kate
w dear" said Phil to his charming rustic
belle, who had just arrived at the years of indis-
cretion. Ah, no, my dear Phil, replied the
young woman, with great sense OF prudence
and decorum, Il will do no such action as
that But III tell you what ! will do,-In
run away without you, and then you
after me, and shall meet at my aunt
that same evening.
An equally ridiculous reply was made by the
young man who realized the embarrassment
of meeting girl by appointment. Suppose,
my dear madam" he said to the one that per-
formed the part of go-between for the young
couple you could manage 1t so as to let us
meet at your house without either of us being
aware that the other was present"
An Irishman, having challenged man to
fight a duel, who somehow forgot to keep the
appointment met his antagonist the same day