davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1908-07-26
openine of the - Academr.


\ welcome bit Of news 10 the lover Of
ueIodrama is the announcement that the
New Academy viii throw open its doors
for the season Of 1858 on Monday night,
August 9. after being newly decorated
aid made the handsomest, as well as the
largest. theater IN Washington
Attention is called 10 the fact that the
New Academy is the safest playhouse in
the world. II is constructed Of steel.
marble, and brick throughout. and every
appliance and device installed IS OF tested
reliability and indorsed and approved BY
al municipal authorities The number Of
exits is largely in excess Of official re-
Quirement, and are plainly marked by
Illuminated signs, that may be seen from
al parts Of the house during perform
ances-
The opening attraction will be A H.
Woods new melodramatic production.
Convict ss9-' and admirers OF sensa-
tion2l PLAYS viii have an opportunity 70
revel in their favorite style Of entertain
ment in the four acts and no less than
thirteen scenic settings, notable among
which are The WalaOrf-Astoria Hotel. the
Eighth Regiment Armory. Sing Sing
prison, the old stone MILL the cornheld
refuge, the villa on the Hudson. and the
church wedding. The action OF the play
viii be interpreted BY a frst-class com
pany-
The advance sale Of seats begins Thurs
day morning at o'clock. Season reserva-
tons, which have proved 50 popular at
this theater in past years. VIII be contin-
Ued, the books being opened Thursday
morning for subscriptions. The scale Of
prices VIII remain as heretofore. . and
30 cents for the evening performances and
= cents for any seat AZ the matinees.
The Washington herald., 1908-07-26
Josrnh Rrookr 1NfII soon Return.

Joseph Brooks. Of the firm Of Kiaw &
Erlanger, returus from Europe July 50.
While in London he obtained a contract
with Joseph O'Mara, whom he will star
in Peggy Machree-" he also met Lillian
Russell in Paris and passed an expert
opinion on her selection OF gowns for use
in her play. ''Wfldfre-" Arrangements
were made By him for the production in
London Of the Herbert opera Victoria"
in which Marie George VIII be starred.
The Washington herald., 1908-07-26
How scarecrow Earns HIS wages

As he stands IN she middle Of the fat
Suffolk field there is little to show that
he is not the ordinary inanimate scare
crow. He stands motionless for I've min
utes at q time, and only when a bird is
tempted by the fresh corn Just appearing
above the ground does he show any sign
Of life But then 4 IS that the scarecrow
moves; he hits an old tia can with the
rusty handle Of a shovel and frightens
the birds and makes them fly quickly out
OF sight
So he spends his day. this old. bent
man. and at the end he is paid Is pence.
IA Is the village scarecToW
The Washington herald., 1908-07-26
PnrIous Times.

From Modern Society
a man has to draw II fine these days"
What do you mean?''
Staying ten minutes after Office hours
each day viii probably make a good I'm
preston. but staying fifteen is liable 10
excite suspicion that you are monkeying
with the books
The Washington herald., 1908-07-26
nc HlstorieaI Preeedent.

From Judge
Each Of the following-naned gentlemen
upon being out late with the boys, has
cOncOcted famous excuse. and. what Is
more wonderful. got away with It They
are: Jonah-Ulys ysses-Rip Van Winkls-
Robinson Crasoe.
The Washington herald., 1908-07-26
..If Dnrfd Knerr.,

We are TO have a play made out OF the
novel IF David Knew" Bruce Wallace
IS 10 make the dramatization and Frances
Ayr1ar Mathews hopes the story on the
stage viii be as appealing as II appears
IN book form
The Washington herald., 1908-07-26
A New sonr for FIufy RuffIe,.

Charles FrOhman has secured for
Fluffy RufTles" the first song written By
Bryan and Kern Il IS entitled Willie,
Won't You Wait Little While" The
authors are Al Bryan and Jerome D.
Kern
The Washington herald., 1908-07-26
CIose ID opern 800.

The summer opera season at the New
National Theater VIII close Saturday
night August S. with a revival Of the
New York Casino success, The Belle
Of New York" The season at this house
has broken all local records for variety
Of entertainment attendance. and ar
tistic performances. From Carmen 70
The Belle OF New York is . repertoire
OF which any company may well be proud
Special features are to be observed for
the final week. when various members
OF the company viii have their individual
receptions on certain nights. and the en-
tire organization viii bid farewell 70
Washington Saturday night Of the last
week.
The signaI success Of the four weeks
series Of English musical comedy early
IN the Ab0ru Opera C0mpany's season al
the New National Theater has prompted
the Aborn mana cement 10 return 70 the
same styIe Of amusement for q week,
starting next Monday, with the equally
popular American piece OF the same sort
The Belle OF New York" as the oner-
Ing for the usual eight performances.
The cast VII Include Robinson Newbold,
formerly with Viola Allen. IN Shake
spearean plays. with Paula Edwsrdes
IN The Princess Beggar," n "A chi
nese Honeymoon and IN John Barry
rnore's original role in 'Alice-sit-5y-the
Fire" Two weIl-kn0wn dancing come
dians. Bert Starkey and George F Moore.
have also been secured for the single week
IN roles in which they have been highly
successful IN the past. The rest OF the
list includes Harry Benhaln. Herman
Eershberg. Huntington May, William
Schuster. Agnes Finlay, Carrie Reynolds
Edna Reming. Edith Bradford. c ".
Phillips, and others. The kite role q
the 6emure Salvation Army lassie. which
made Edna May famous on both sides Of
the Atlantic viii be intrusted 10 Agnes
Fiulay. Miss Bradford viii have excel
lent opportunity as Cora AngefQue. The
Queen Of Comic OPERA Mr. Beuhan
VIII again be well suited as Harry Bron-
son. Mr. Hershberg viii have another
laughable Dutch" comedy character as
Pumpernick; AIr. May VIII be the Doc
SnInkins: M Schuster viii be appro-
priately cast as the big ''bruiser," "Blinky
BIZ NcGurk: Miss Reynolds VIII have
the charming EoUbretIe role OF the viva
cious French maid, Elf: Edna Reraine
VIII have another lively role as Kissie
Fitzgarter. and Mr.. Phillips viii be cast
as 1IuEg, the actor
The Washington herald., 1908-07-26

The choir Of ST. Psurs Episcopal Church
viii take It's outing this year at the Bay
side. Chesapeake Beach. under the care
OF the choirmasteT. Mr.. Edgar Priest
The Washington herald., 1908-07-26

Miss Ethel Tozier. the brilliant and
promising young pianist, left last week
Tor Newport where she has engagements
10 play She will go later 10 the Berk-
shire Hills TO I'll engagements. Next
season she VIII spend much time IN New
York, and IN the spring VIII so abroad TO
continue her musical studies.
The Washington herald., 1908-07-26

Mr.. and Mrs. Felix Garziglia. the latter
the youngest daughter Of DR.. and Mrs.
Franklin T. Howe, have arrived at Nice.
France, and are visiting the family OF Mr..
Garziglia. They will return here IN the
fall
The Washington herald., 1908-07-26

Mr. Guy Ourand viii act as substitute
for Mr. Atwater. organist IN the Mount
Pleasant Congregational Church. to-day.
During August Mr. Ourand viii play IN
81. Johns and Christ Church, both in
Georgetown.
The Washington herald., 1908-07-26

Mr.. Fitzhugh Coyle Goldsborough, the
well-known young violinist who recently
returned to his Washington home from
several years study IN Vienna Is now IN
The Washington herald., 1908-07-26

Miss Ethel Lee. 'cellist. spent several
days with Mrs. May Ramsden a. her cot
tage in Brookland. where Mrs. Ransde!l
and her two sons. Hobart and Paul, are
spending the summer Mr. Hobart Rams
dell Is a vi0liHist and Master Paul
promising 'ceilist-
The Washington herald., 1908-07-26

Miss Edith StoweI- soprano s0Io!s5 IN
the First Baptist Church. has returned
from a visit OF several weeks in Atlantic
City. and VIII spend the remainder OF
the season with friends IN Cleveland
Park
The Washington herald., 1908-07-26

Dr. and Mrs. J. ". Bischoh are the
guests Of his daughter. Mrs Chester. in
New York City. They viii return 20
Washington and occupy their new home.
34Os Fourteenth street. This is the first
time in many years that the Doctor and
Mrs. Bischof have not occupied their
summer home at Fond du Lac. Wis. and
their journey there was always marked
BY a concert tour through the South and
West This year they are enjoying
5yell-earned rest
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-07-25
OFFICER W1THOUTHIS SHOULDER STRAPS

The dapper man looked dumbfounded.
do you understand that you are ad-
dressing your superior officer, fellow?' he
asked wrathily.
II heard what you said you WERE" re-
piled the non-commissioned officer, "but
I've got no means of knowing whether
what you say Is true or not But do
know one thing. and that is that even II
you're the lieutenant general commanding
you're cheap skate and q low-down hon.
brey to try to put II on couple of en-
listed men in this way, and that goes as it
lays"
The dapper one started for the non-com
who had done the talking. making a DEM
onstration Of intended fsticuffs when he
got close to the enlisted man. The latter.
hardly shifting his position. simply
reached out and knocked the dapper one
flat with a rtght-hand wallop to the jaw.
Then the pair OF non-coms. stepped into
the automobile and the chauffeur whizzed
them away. The officer picked himself up,
muttering threats against the two enlisted
men: but. all the same. as a perfect mat
ter Of course. he never made any official
report of this matter. He knew very we'll
that he would not have leg to stand on
in submitting such a case. But the in
cident was witnessed by a number of
Denver men Of consideration, and the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-07-25

handkerchief. The neck handkerchief
had malevolent fascination for me. I
couldn't keep my eyes of the thing.
The Tuning fat man would tug at it
first with one hand and then with the
other, and then he would yank 1t of al
together. stroke it and refo!d it and re-
adjust 1t around his neck, tucking 1t in
with maddening deliberation, and uttering
horrible whistling 'Whew. amt it
devilish hot! every nine seconds or so.
We'll, by the time half Of my car
journey was completed the steaming fat
mans handkerchief looked like a hang
mans moose that had been frequently
used. and 1 was at least four degrees
warmer than I had been when left my
home. just from looking at the awful.
Happy. moist. disreputable neck hand
kerchief of the fat man.
Nevertheless. when I got Off the car
1 took good hold on myself. and made
mental resolution to remain unaffected
by all exterior temperature-elevating
manifestations whatsoever. When I
reached the office l hung my coat on its
accustomed peg. and when / set to work
and began to open my mail I was rap
idly regaining my normal. condition.
Then my deskmate began to reveal
his possession of the cloven hoof. He
gave me the first linking of the deliberate
conspiracy that obviously had been hatch
ed against me.
'It was perfectly plain to see that he
resented my cool appearance. He began
by telling me what an awful. what hor-
rible time he'd had OF 1t trying to get
some sleep the night before. He said that
the stoke-hOle of man-o-war under
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-07-25

part that was selfish and inconsiderate
OF course. also her undeserved words of
reproOf caused my temperature to rise
at least three degreeS-no appreciate
rise in temperature for a man as cool as
I then was. but a rise, all the same
well. after a very light early break
fast. during the entire progress of which
my wife Glove the air with her lamenta-
lions over the heat and my little girl
painted as II all ready to keel overland
me as cool as a White Lot fountain pond
lily at midnight-I sat down at the front
window, which overlooks a little park,
to take a glance at the headlines Of the
paper before setting out for the Office.
"Well, sir. before I'd been sitting down
for two minutes what the deuce does my
wife do but go upstairs and put on the
reddest, f1ercest, Misunderstanding red-red
kimono that ever came off a loom. In
addition to that she draped her head in
heavy, hot-looking towel and proceeded
to put the house to rights as she
called it.
II entreated her to cease, but it was
no use. She said she wanted to get the
house cleaned up before the real heat Of
the day set in. and that's all there was
or could be to it. .
What else was there for me but fight
] fed. When I got on the car I wasn't
what you could call warm, but sure
was some degrees removed from my nor
NAL condition Of comfortable GOODNESS.
However. Immediately in front of me
on the car was a tuning fat man with a
wilted handkerchief around his neck in
place Of a collar. Well. 1 had to sit
there and watch that fat man and his neck
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-07-25

forced draught wasn't one-tWo-three TO
the heat of his bedroom, and that ne
found the sheets themselves IS not as
steamroom slab in a Turkish bath.
by suddenly switching the suo)ect l
endeavored to get him to deslst But
there was nary desist in him. the muir
derer. He was going to talk neat, neat,
heat, or hang for it.
He tugged at his galluses and eJacu.
lated BY crickey. but it's blazing!
through his teeth every minute or SO, and
every five minutes he'd jump up from his
desk and totter over to the corner to look
at the thermometer. If he was able to re-
port a rise in temperature of quarter OF
a degree he fastened a look Of devilish
triumph upon me. and asked me. In a
victorious Tone If I was willing to ad-
NIT that the morning was soaker and a
steamer.
with the purpose of getting away from
this deskmate OF mine l went out to
luncheon at an unusually early hour for
me. At the restaurant where I take my
luncheon Of graham waters and milk
every week day Of the year I was COM
PEELED to sit down opposite a beefy young
man who had removed his coat. If he
didn't weigh 313 pounds he didn't weigh
an ounce. His countenance was an exag-
gerated cerise or maybe a magenta In
hue, and there were Mississippis and
Amazons Of perspiration streaming down
from his forehead to his chin and on to
his sticky shirt.
Now, I might have been able to toll.
crate his appearance. much as he re-
minded me Of a senior steamboat en-.
gineer in q state of excitement over the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-07-25
MAN WITH THE CROUCH TALKS ABOUT THE HOT WEATHER

enough hot. and then it'll be you for the
Red Cross wagon with one Of them rubber
icecaps on your bean and a couple o.
tons of cracked ice weighing you down
after you reach the sunstroke ward. Don't
take it to heart so much. that's all. We're
all some cooked. I reckon"
Don't take 1t to heart" walled the
little man, continuing to squirm in his
seat. Say, how in blazes is man going
to keep from taking 1t to heart when.
Well, now, wait a minute. Just you let
me tell you what everybody's been doing
to me ever since I got out of bed this
morning. Then I'll ask you. as man to
man. whether I've got any chance not to
take it to heart"
go right ahead" said the man with the
hot-looking SLOUGH hat. You might as
well get it out or maybe you'll bust"
'Well, them began the little man
against whom the conspiracy to parboil
and melt appeared to exist. "allow me to
inform you, in the first place, that I'm
naturally a cool man. I never was over
heated In my life unless other folks. durn
'em, made me so by precept example or
suggestion.
Now when I got out Of bed this morn
ing I was as cool as q cantaloupe In a
refrigerator. My wife had been shifting
about. ghost-like, from room to room
and complaining and muttering all night
about the heat. But felt as comforta-
BILE as the snow of the Rockies, and I
begged her, almost on my Bonded knees.
to forbear.
This, Of course, evoked reply on her
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-07-25

blowing-out Of a cylinder head. But the
Junk that he was eating!
1.-THE Junk that he was eating was a
huge dish of beef la mode. and into
this awful mess the Falstafiian lubber
squirted, at intervals Of every minute or
So Worcestershire sauce, catsup. chlil
sauce and tabaSco sauce.
This mess Of fuel he damned into his
countenance with every apparent evil
dence of vast enjoyment. so that when
my ice-cold milk came along 1t positively
tasted-such was the hideous power OF
suggestion-as If 1t had just come from
the top Of the range.
$50 I got no good whatever out Of my
luncheon hour except a rise in tempera-
ture such as I had not experienced since
the time my father caught me In SWIM
ming in a deep hole in the old crick.
well, in midafternoon. still prosecuted
by the heat conversation Of my desk
mate, went to the liquid refectory
across the street and ordered a tall
seltzer lemonade. I was just about to
place this cooling drink to my lips when
my attention was riveted by an awful
spectacle.
"A middle-aged man, well dressed. of
apparent respectability. and seemingly
with everything to live for on this earth.
deliberately poured himself out four and
one-half fingers Of raw. red booze. and
shot the ferocious ball into himself with
nary a shudder. and without so much as
even slipping the chaser Of water that
the barkeep placed alongside.
'Well. 1 drank my settler lemonade.
but such was the feeling Of Nebuchad-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-07-25
RECKON THAT WAS POOR CRAFTSMANSHIP FOR OLD TATE Et

away from where he'd rested his head
on his saddle. Tate picked up one of
the pistols that lay alongside of him,
waited for the rattle to sound again. To-
Gated the sound by listening acutely,
and blazed away in the blackness-for
it sure was darker than pitch. There
was no more sound OF the RATHER. Tate
went to sleep. Next morning he found
a huge RATHER with it's head shot clean
of. The rattler's carcase was just eighty
nine feet and seven and quarter inches
from where Tate had shot That Incl
dent taught Tate how good he was at
shooting in the dark. and once he gave
us an exhibition Of his ability at that
sort of work.
I'VE caught fifteen of those big mes
quite katydids that we have down in old
Arizone-they make about five times as
much noise as the katydids you have up
this way-and we glued their legs in a
circle about foot in diameter to piece
of cardboard. This we tackled to the wall
of the long 'dobe that Tate lived In. It
was pretty dark in Tate's 'dobe. even
with the one door open. but when the
door was closed 1t was blacker than the
middle of Africa in there. The katydids
chirped away for dear life as they tried
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-07-25
"a

''Oh. they don't mind" said the officer,
disdainfully. They're a couple of en-
listed bucks from the Presidio."
We'll, whatever they are, they're both
unselfish men, and their conduct is a great
deal better than yours quite unexpect-
eddy said the young woman, and she
said 1t with spirit. Il shan't be one to
take their table, and she swept out, Ieav-
ing the officer standing by himself.
The crowds around the tables had in
the meantime caught on to the situation.
and they began to jeer at the officer and
to blow their horns and kazoos and other
nofse-making instruments at him. He
flushed and started out to join the young
woman who had left.
But on his way TO the door the merry
makers who had noted the incident began
TO chuck cooked spaghetti at him, and ~
the time he reached the door, Tuning, he
was smeared with the stuff.
AS matter of course, this incident
never became an official matter, either.
although a San Francisco weekly publ
cation gave an outline of the story. sup
pressing names The two young enlisted
men got their commissions later. and one
of them is now serving in the Philippines
in the saHe command with the officer who
stood for the spaghetti shower at tho
Poodle Dog.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-07-25

commissioned officers themselves require
instruction as to the proper incubation Of
that doctrine? Many army officers. If the
truth is told: will admit that certain ones
of them do.
One of these stories concerns an officer
of cavalry and a couple OF non-commis-
stoned officers. The non-coms. a few
months ago were paid off at California
coast post at the expiration Of their en-
listment and. after they had re-enlisted,
they were furloughed. The two non-coms.
were eastern men, and they started for
the east together in their uniforms to
visit the home folks. meaning to rig
themselves out in civilian clothes when
they made the eastern country
They took a lay-off at Denver to have
look at that town They saw a public
automobile standing in front of one OF
the Denver hotels. They approached the
chauffeur and made dicker with him
for ride around Denver and it's environs
in the motor car.
Just as the pair of non-commissioned
officers were about to step into the auto
mobile along came q dapper, somewhat
hourishy young man accompanied by two
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-07-25

summer resorts on the Jersey coast.
where the season lasts only couple OF
months and where the natives endeavor
to collect enough real money from the
helpless vacationers during this short
period to carry them through the Win
ter. with something to spare. A friend OF
mine has Just landed back in town from
a two weeks stay at one of these places
and tells a tale Of woe. The place he
was visiting. or the name of II. at any
rate. IS pretty well known as a result
Of the strictly temperance atmosphere
that prevails there. and that is the pride
and JOY Of the original settlers among
the cottagers.
Briefly. this friend of mine had strained
his back rather badly while fooling in the
surf and a physician whom he visited
advised a rundown with grain alcoho!
three times a day. So my friend stepped
over to the one and only drug store IN
this temperance town and told the clerk
that he wanted a pint of the stun.
How much?" he asked when the
wrapped-up bottle was handed across the
counter to him. and he nearly died OF
shock when the clerk calmly replied:
lone dollar and half, please.
Suffering CATS" cried my friend. really
angry That is simply outrageous.
Not at ALL" replied the clerk, calmly
Up In the city you wouldn't Kick on
paying $50 for pint of good whisky.
would your"
"Weli. it would be high. even for the
best whisky" returned my friend, and.
besides. that has nothing to do with 1t. I
don't propose to pay S1.o0 pint for stun
to rub on a sprained back. III use lini-
ment instead
The clerk looked him over. noted that
he was in dead earnest and smiled.
Il beg your pardon. I'm sure. he SAID.
''but I thought you were like some OF the
other folks in this temperance place and
wanted the alcohol to drink. Anybody
who is willing to drink alcohol is willing
to pay for 1t. Half a dollar will about
IRVING C. NORWOOD.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-07-25
"a

nezzar heat that mans horrible action
had inspired me with that IL tasted like
SO much sulphuric acid. and departed
from there in an unmistakab!e state OF
sure-enough heat.
yep. l was hot. ! was whoopingly.
soggishly. swelteringly hot-hot from the
ends of my ears to the knobs Of my
ankles.
And I got still hotter as 1 made my
way back to my office. On my way
back / counted twenty-nine male bipeds
with soaking handkerchiefs swaddled
around their necks. and about $40 men,
as they swirled past me. were harping,
harping, harping upon the heat 1t
wasn't enough for them that they felt
hot. They wanted to gloat over the heat.
They longed to see the thread climb far
Their away from the bulb than il had
ever climbed before. SO that they could
talk about it at the table when they
went home. And they wanted TO make
me hot. OF course it was a put-up job.
1t couldn't have been anything else on
earth but conspiracy to make me hot
And now you. too whimpered the
small, fragile-looking man. turning a woe
begone countenance upon his seatmate,
you are in on the job. That wooly-look-
ing. stuffy-looking eternal blazes and
Misunderstanding SLOUGH hat-and that
limpy- wimpy handkerchief you're mop
ping your head with-take 'em away
take 'em away
The man with the SLOUGH hat grinned
at the other passengers.
Hes a nut an right he said to the
man standing on the rear platform. Hes
so nutty the squirrels are chasing him."