Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-12-10
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| f-'N As>''Au'
What ails me, doc?' asked the gen
ial clubman. you need job. You're
suffering from everest. New York
Sun.
Mrs. Benham-Uow much did you
pay the minister when we were mar
ried? Benham-IIe fined me five dol
lars.-lIarper's Weekly.
Teacher-Now, children, what Is the
greatest enemy of poultry? Silence
Teacher--Who eats the most poultry:
Pupils-The minister .-Jugend Mum
tch).
The Lady-Little boy. don't you know
smoking will shorten your life? The
Kid-Shucks! Wot do | care? I've
seen everything dere is.-Boston Tray.
eler.
Pat-I hear yer wolfe Is sick, Moike
Mike-She is thot. Pat-Is it danger
GUS she is? Mke-Divil a bit She's
too weak to be dangerous any more -
Brooklyn Life.
Facetious Friend (teasingly) We'll,
which rules-you or your wife? Mr.
loungwed with hauteur) You forget
we can afford to keep cook.-Balti-
more American.
Stella-So your father handled him
without gloves? Bella-Yes, and it
would have been better for poor dear
George If he had done it without shoes.
New York Sun.
"Ihe telephone is certainly a great in
vention. Think of it, You can talk to
your wife fifty miles away" That
may be your experience. All I've been
able to do is to listen"
"lIave you" asked the judge Of a re-
Gently convicted man, "anythIng to Of
fer the court before sentence is
passed. mo, your honor" replied
the prisoner, my lawyer took my last
dollar"
II saw the ma jor's wife at her win
dow early this morning. She looked
40 years old y You must be mistaken,
your highness; no woman is as old as
she looks In the morning !'-Flicgende
Blaetter.
why are you so vexed. Irma| 81
am so eXasperated | attended the
meeting of the Social Equality League,
and my parlor maid presided and had
the audacity to call me to order three
times .'-F'liegende Blaetter.
Mulligan-The byes say We licked
poor Casey. Shure. he niver hurt my
mans feelin's. Harrigan-He's n
shnake in the grass. The blackguard
referred to me as his contimperary,
and I'll be the contemporary to no man
ivin' Puck.
"Before we were married" said Mrs. |
Chatterton. you used to tell me how
much you loved me, but you never do
now" "Of course not, my dear re-
}ied the masculine partner. Since our |
you haven't given me chance
o tell you anything"
Said poet to an unfortunate specu-
ator: Don't You think that the open
ng lines of TennysOn's little poem,
Break, break, break are plaintive and
ADJ" Yes" was the melancholy re-
,ly But | think that Broke, broke.
,rokc,' is a good deal Sadder."
"William." she said. 'means good.
lanes means beloved. woEder'-
flush mantled her cheek Il wonder
he softly murmured, what George
neans?' George means business, |
opc." said mother. looking up from the
,cdding announcements in the paper.
Anxious Mother-Nellie. dear, do you
hink that young Huggins, who has
cen calling on you twice Il week for I
ONE time is matrimonially inclined?
rctty alphabetically, | don't know
hat to think. mamma. dear. He has
lch a knack of keeping one in the
ark
Old Acquaintance-W Why, old chap, a
wv years ago you were the best
resscd man in town, but now your
uttit is pretty shabby. Had Il reverse? =
you may call it that.
he truth is. got married since, and
Wv it's my wife that's the best dressed
oman in town.
Young Wife-Tomorrow will be my 8
rthday, dear. Young Husband =
ou'll be twenty-one? Young Wife
o; twenty-five. Young husband /
hy, year ago. just before our we'd /
ng. you told me you were only twen G
Young Wife-Yes, but | have aged S
pidly since our marriage. i
MY friends said an itinerant a
eacher, the Scriptural rule for Civ
z was one-tenth of what a man pos Il
Sscd. If you feel You can't afford 50
Ich. just give a sixth. or Il fourth, ac- y
riding to your means. We will dis !
nsc with the next hymn and take up
e Observation-Disclosures.
SO you quarrclcd? Char
Yes: she sent back all my pres Il
Is. And what do YOU suppose |
1? Willie-Can't guess. Charie--I :
1t her a half dozen boxes of face n,
wder. with note explaining that
taken about that much home on
coat since Id known hcr.-The Cos =
What has become Of the old-faShioned