Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, 1908-02-18
DESK SERGEANT TALKS OF STRANGE
CHARACTERS WHO ARE TAKEN TO JAIL

| like Napoleon at the banquet board,
she drew aside, majestically tossed her
head back, curled down the corners of
her well-wrinlkled mouth and, with
double-chin dignity, waved aside the
blue-and-brass representative of JUS
tice and endeavored to walk independ-
emily toward the iron door that was TO
shut her from the world until the
thirst of her legal nemesis was satis-
fied-then to open again and permit her
to pass out for another "jag" in some
sequestered crevice of a dingy alley.
Many Drunken Women
speaking of Kitty, did you ever see
Mary Clancy? No? I'll bet you have,
but you've forgotten it. Everybody
| that was ever in Los Angeles over q
week ought to have seen Mary, Tor
she's the most conspicuous disciple OF
Bacchus that ever graced the big book.
Mary is another one of the women
| drunks who never can understand
what harm there Is in getting beastly
drunk and raising disturbances at z
a. m. OF course, she always assumes
an air of offended pride, but her spiel
is more quiet than Kitty's. She en-
deavors by sentimental arguments to
convince us of her extenuating sorrows.
"Of course, there are other Jail fire.
quenters besides the two women I've
mentioned. For instance, Dan O'Neil,
the remittance man from Ireland.
Dams been in Jail SO often for celebrat-
ing the future emancipation of Ireland
that he has concluded every police
man in town has his eye on him. The
other day when we let him out for the
last time, he said he intended to mi
crate to a climate more willing To
overlook his weaknesses.
Asks Way to Jail
Dams O. hilarious imbiber, and after
he gets a remittance from home pro-
ceeds to donate to the needy bartend-
ers. The other day a man stepped up
to Dan and said: Excuse me; where
is the city jail?'
Dan was in deep study, and
merely answered, I'm dead sober, be-
CORA, but ring her up
"He stood there for some time wait
ing for the wagon, then suddenly OBJ
served the stranger backing away sus-
piciously across the street. That goes
to show you the force of habit.
Besides Dan O'Neil we have
weekly visitor called Happy Hooli-
gam whose right name is Arthur Brun-
bridge. Arthur announces his approach
almost invariably with a series of col
orally rip a hole in the top of the pa
troll wagon and leaves a lurid streak
in the ambient air. When we finally
throw him into the tanks he makes
Rome howl in a way that would have
made Nero feel like he had bum
larynx.
"Arthur's a veritable wonder. He
can get away with more varieties of
bad booze than a Kentucky colonel,
and is said to have defied four differ
ent attempts of the Kelley doctors.
Green monkeys and pink babboons,
checkered boa constructors or other abb
normalities of the animal or serpent
kingdom don't disturb Arthurs equi-
llbrium for moment. When one of
these menagerie monstrosities happens
to perch on his nose or get familiar
with his bedpost Arthur quietly calls
for another drink and defies the mys-
terious freak to do its worst.
Arthur, they say, was followed for
four days by the most peculiar looking
black centipede with purple wings that
a naturalist ever dreamed of, and every
time Arthur saw 1T he called for an
other drink and winked at the boys, as
much as to say, Who the DEVILS
afraid of thing like that?' Then he
called for another eye-opener and sang
few songs In Dutch and Hebrew,
waiting around instinctively for the
patrol wagon.
mo use talking, a desk sergeant does
have to bump into some awfully funny
characters, and no mistake. Sometime
think I would like to be an under
taker. 1t would give me great pleas
ure to bury some of these drunken ca
davers. They'd fertilize the graveyard,
and that's all some of them really
could do, and do right