The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1908-11-23
The Times Reporter Gets
Exclusive Interview With
One Prisoner.
BIG BRONZE BIRD
SHEDS SAD TEARS
Unable to Understand Why He
Should Be Led to the Block
by an Executioner.

Three days-count EN-. three-until the
annual battle to the death between
hungry horde OF eXecutoners and the
rank and file Of the Mutual Protective
Society OF Willy Turkey Gobblers!
Ever since the Pilgrim Fathers came
over early IN the seventeenth century
and offered I'D thanks that they weren't
washed overheard en- route. the yearly
habit Of separating a turkeys head
from the rest Of his anatomy has been
one Of our most cherished institutions.
Within the past century or so, divers
Presidents Of the United states, mindful
Of the craving OF a vOraciOus populace
to locate an excuse for Staying that
noble bird, have contributed an annual
proclamation TO the effect that we have
much reason to be thankful
Thanksgiving Day has ever been a
delightful occasion to all save the tur-
key and the small boy-the night after.
An expectant citizenry has waited with
bated breath the PRONUNCIATION Of the
official sheepslIin. properly ornamented
with red seals and indelibla Ink that
will permit It TO sally forth and slaugh-
ter any gObbler who dares roost below
an altitude OF 1Z5 feet
Should Hear Story.
1t is high time that heartess public
should be made to know the feelings Of
this bird of prey. a condemned muir
derer was always given a chance for
an ante-mortem. Should a gobbler, in
the shadow OF the guillOtine, be denied
as much? Nay. by the shades Of the
sharpened ak and the wood block, nay!
II was with such philanthropic
thoughts as these that q Times repre-
sentative approached the death cham
Der Of a turkey gobbler in Center Market
Saturday night Having taken special
course in turkey language, By the aid OF
d photograph. that valuable adjunct 10
Language learning, he coversed freely
with the doomed bird, obtaining from
him the following exclusive interview;
Woe is me, woe is me. goeth forth
proudly in the morning, but ere the night
cometh I mayest bite the dust My
gobble soundeth dehantly about the
barn yard, but ere another dawn shall
break my cold still form may repose
in the refrigerator.
My days are days Of uncertainty.
and my thoughts are thoughts Of fear.
Yea. though ! make myself thin, the
greed OF my owner 10th vex me and
am sorely troubled. for I hath learned
Of the fathers that all is not well.
Family Is Foolish,
I'm vain gathereth the members Of my
family about me with soft nothings.
They know not whereof they speak;
they Iacketh experience: they seeth not
he signs OF the times; they are fools.
''Harkeneth 10 yOn sound OF sharpen
ing ak? IT'S the death watch, the hand
writing upon the wall, the footsteps OF
he solitary sentry that paceth back and
forth beneath my TOOsting place. It be-
.okeneth the beginning of the end; It
maketh naught OF the survival OF the
ittest; It rendereth destitute the family
[ had gathered about me.
Verify, verify, 1 say unto you, there
Is naught but hOpelessness. The pail Of
darkness overcometh me: the clouds OF
despair hang low; the ak OF the human
iend incarnats swtngeth lower. 1t IS
the end. Woe Is me, woe IS me-"
All, those We're crOol, crOOl words Of
truth the turkey spoke, and as his lam
citations sounded above the call OF the
huckster and the fresh flsh man. there