Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1908-01-11


Army contain the interesting state
ment that Officers cannot get
drunk"
This is startling, to put 1t mildly,
but 1t is probably along the line of
needed improvements. There has
been much talk of late or a reorganl- !
cation of the Navy. 1t appears that !
the Army has already been reorgan-
ized.
For | can remember distinctly
when an officer of the United States
Army could get drunk-and it didn't
take much more happy water to make
him drunk than to make an ordinary
citizen drunk. But the Government
appears to have found some sort of a
serum that will prevent an Army Of
ficer from feeling the effects of what
he puts inside him.
| am really undecided, however, as
to whether this is to be looked upon
by the officers themselves as an adj
vantage or otherwise. or course, IL
Is well, after night out, to be able
to show up at roll call in the morn
ing without ones eyes looking like
two burned holes in blanket, and
to be able to scratch ones head with
out putting an arm out OF joint
reaching for the side of the arore-
said head.
D,,t ha wi
use of drinking If one can't get
drunk? Few men-or ofiicers-drink
merely because they care particular
ly for the taste of the booze. 1t is
the effect they want. And II there
are no effects, It looks like time, eff
fort and money wasted to buy
drinks.
There are other joys, too, which
the man who cant get drunk will
miss. There is no sweeter music IN
the world, as Shakespeare never said,
than the tinkle of the ice In the
pitcher the morning after. This JOY
is now to be taken from the officers
of the army of Uncle Sam.
And what pleasure is there IN a
man sitting at hilarious banquet
and watching his friends slip one by
one under the table, while he him
self sits stolidly in his place, the
skeleton at the feast?
No; I'm afraid the new order OF
things is not going to be an unmitl-
gated pleasure to the officers OF our
countrys army, who can't get drunk.
1. j. 4
The District Court of Appeals at
San Francisco has ruled that 1t is no
crime to rob restaurant-keeper.
Oh, joy!
That settles the burning question
that has been agitating my soul for
these many years-where is the next
meal coming from?
No longer will it bes necessary for
me to frisk my pockets in a vain
search for the dime to buy coffee ana
sinkers in the morning. The free
lunch counter where | have been
wont to graft my midday lunch may
bread. need no longer chase the
festive sardine about the oily tin.
And dinner! No more stewcd
mutton and saw-dust pie for mine.
Me for the restaurant. And not the
beanery around the corner, but the
real bong tong, caffy o shanty, way
up-in-Q, swell Joint where they
charge you eight dollars for drawing
Your breath out on the sidewalk In
front and you tip the waiter with q
seven-dollar bill. Here, garcon, take
my order quick. | want n cocktail
while I'm thinking about 1t. And
you might bring dozen raw with
the cocktail Then I'll have little
soup-no, not boullion; I've been
having boullion for years by various
names. They always make 1t out OF
what's left over where I've been eat
ing.
Um-m-m, yes; fairly good. Now
the fish And be sure It's just right
too. And after that you may bring
me--let me see,.--I think n canvas
back is about the size OF my appetite
today. And bottle OF Ruedenheim
or. Yes; quart. of course. I won
have the fuzzy water until later.
What's this7 The check! Take II
away. You don't suppose I'm go
ing to pay for this, do you?
Have me pinched? Well, | don
think. Wake up. Don't you know
that the courts have decided that til
not wrong to beat a restaurant-Keep
er? Here's a nickel for your trouble
Oh, joy!
= 4. =
cant help being puzzled some
times by the extraordinary efficienc,
Of our local post Office and the maj
velous degree of intelligence mani
tested therein. 1t is really amazing
at times, the almost human intell
gence exhibited by some man VIII
wears the gray for Uncle Sam. 1t no