The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-02-23
$75O.OO $9OO.OO $3OOO

afternoon." Of all the selections for the opening of so expensive a conver- sation.
 He had to be polite, I suppose, so he said Good afternoon" back to me.
 "Do you charge for that7" The dues- ton slipped from me ere I thought. It was entirely natural. But not at all ju- dicious, for 1t could in no wise aid my interview.
 Certainly" he replied. was so glad he talked in monosyllables. He might have said "of course I do" or some thing like that and cost me 40 cents instead of 10.
 II would like to knew something about your work-how you do it, and what, in your opinion. Is the aim of real humor," I asked getting my voice and my presence of mind back again.
 You'd better drop in three or four more dollars in the other slots" Cen tral broke In to me.
 dropped in four and the Great Hu- morist said: "The aim of humor Is to entertain and delight"
 You ought to cut the articles and unimportant words" suggested. Ten cents each is good deal to pay for them You ought to allow me re-
 
 bate on that sentence"
 A Few Words "Deadheaded."
 I heard the great humorist tell Cen tral to deadhead few words. and then he asked me if I supposed he was in the business of brightening up the world for his health, and if I did was badly off my calculations. This isn't costing you anything" he said, 'but 1t Is true as gospel" I wrote 1t down hurriedly on pad. Are we back on a ash basis nowf'' l asked.
 Indeed we are" heS i'd. There was 30 cents more gone. 'Is there any truth in the state ment that some of our best humorists write in pink pajamas?" I said. Please answer yes or mo-. q don't know,"he began. n don't Don't charge that up. Central, be- cause I asked for reply in one word I'm willing to pay for words, but l don't want this interview ps2ded just because it's costing 10 cents a woro' I'll pay for one word on that question l mo more," I declared. ''I can't turn the word meter back she said. 'It'T have to go on the bill. "Il give you four extra woitis for It, said the Great Humorist by way or con ciliation.
 The word meter clicked orr elshe words more as he said 1t. You're giving me extra ones now, .but they're going on the bill" l said hotly.
 q beg your pardon-I forgot to throw off the gear" he said "It's off now This isn't costing you anything.
 "Is it true that you frequently wrlte 1 o oOO words of stuff before breakfast with no inspiration fut pot or coIee I asked.
 More than that sometimes he be- gan. T remember one time l
 Tho Word Metre Busy.
 The word meter was buzzing Curious
 q should think you could answer that by yes or no,' protested. There my s4 nearly gone and you haven told me anything"
 could hear him yank the woru meter loose. "Confound it., he saii , II tell you I've written 5o,ooo Worts of real humor in a day witnout any thing to eat or drink at all.
 "Twenty-two, twenty three, twenty four +wentv-fiye. twenty sixth
 Central was counting words up in her station.
 "Are YOU charging me for that or
 
 throwing it in" I said.
 "I'm charging for 1t, of course ne said. |. n
 "Well. I don't believe we can use It, said. Tt sounds like advertlsins matter to me. and it'll have 10 So through the business office
 well. you use 1t, arl III deduct It from the tolls" he said.
 You haven't made me laugh yet ventured lQa ao
 "You're too stingy to laugh he de- clared. "A man who will haggle over a little matter of a few extra Worue hasn't breath enough to laugh.
 You great fourflusher an almanac has vou bacKed off the boards for real hnmor" I said. You've robbed me or s5 now without giving mo return put a lot of drooling drivel."
 Inst then the Chronological Secreta rv spoke. could hear hls Voice through the telephone. The firm oi Puchem & sellem waited without so close a fifty-year contract with tne Great Hunorist at s1oo,OooAa a year 70 write, speak or smile for no pupiisheTs hut Pushem & Sellem.
 i,,,t baap in time.