Coeur d'Alene evening press. (Coeur d'Alene, Idaho) 1907-1929, 1908-01-31
A VICARIOUS EPICURE
Scheme Of a Man Whose Diges.
tive Organs Were Jaded.
GAsTRoNoMIC JOY BY PROXY.

He Couldn't Eat Himself, but He
Secured the Markets For Game and
Dainties For Feasts For His Friends
and Watched Them While They Ate.
Awhile ago." observed the man who
sees things, II caught an old dyspeptlc
friend of mine doing a curious stunt
He was watching gang of negro
street PAYERS eating their MONDAY
meal He watched them with sort of
fascinated gaze. The feats they were
accomplishing In the way of projecting
absolutely impossible things into their
systems seemed weird and almost un-
cauny to my dyspeptlc friend. One of
the negroes particularly seemed to hold
the enraptured focus of my friends
vision. This negro had for his noon
day feed two gigantic sandwiches,
composed of thick hunks of boiled salt
pork stuck between big slabs Of bread.
He gulped these two sandwiches IN
about four bites and then licked his
chops IN a hungry sort Of way, as 81
they'd only about tasted like more to
him II more were to be had. 1t was
a spe lbinding spectacle in the view of
ray dyspeptic friend. 1t looked incred
IDLE, out of the question. 1t seemed to
him eucn spectacle as might be af-
forded by the sight of boa constructor
feeditg on full sized and kicking
donkey
"T!lJOy that stuTT he asked the big
darky
Had he enjoyed it! The darby grin
ned and licked his chops suggestively.
Gould you eat any more o. that
iunkT he asked the big negro.
The negro invited him to try him
dared him, In fact. to find out.
Get couple more of those sand
witches, my friend said to the black,
and Have him the money to pay for
them at the wagon presided over by
the negro woman in charge Of feeding
the gang.
THE black sat down with the other
two huge salt pork sandwiches and
put them away with the same easy and |
facilC JUNCTION that he had exhibited In |
disposing Of the first two. My friend |
stood and watched him as he put 'em
away. Then he shook his head over
and over again. He couldn't under
stand It. 1t was beyond reason. His |
own diet consisted of little milk with
graham waters, and the idea that any |
two legged creature could get away |
with. much less like, such a terrific /
mess as those four salt pork sand
witches came to-oh, Il was the world /
upside down, that was all.
We'll, this dyspeptlc friend of mine
remlnded me of a rather celebrated
character who used to live Ia Washing
ton many years ago-now long In the
land Of the beyond. He wis noted
wit and bon vlyant. But through ex-
cesstve and kinkish eating and drink
ing drinking particularly - he had
quite ruined his stomach long before
ever met him. He had ruined II so
thoroughly that he could eat nothing
hut frozen food--frozen consommes
frozen fruits, frozen creams, and the
IKE. In fact, he existed almost wholly
on Ice cream, which was made partic-
ularly for him by chef whom he en-
ployed for fixing up his frozen foods.
Hot stun Of any sort was poison to
this man with the lining Of his stom-
ach all gone, and even a morseI OF the
sort of natural food we ordinary NOR
tails partake of would have nut him
out OF the game entirely.
So with pralseworthy philosophy.
this clever and accomplished man re-
signed himself to the system OF getting
bis gastronomic fun by proxy-that is
to say, he'd enjoy watching other folks
eat. He'd provide the ways and means.
He'd do all Of the buying. I've enjoy.
"a some rare old feasts myself at that
mans Washington house. was lust
'ne Of the good eaters, with a perfect
stomach. whom he had on his list
He'd find out the stun that or any
u the Others liked the most, and then
led have us come to his house to par
AXE OF that stun. There'd be terrapln.
perfectly cooked game of all kinds,
ichly txed vegetables. ornate and rich
PASTRIES. extraordinarily fine coffee. de-
lghtfu " bouQueted wines-everything
and good deal Of the
tuff, as you may imagine, to the last
Iegree ndigestible, except for folks
whose i1ternal mechanism was of cast
ron aud in perfect working condition.
NAac so, with such a soread all set
nj Ia process Of being served. this
Ftt, al In himself. from the gastro-
o'nic point OF view, would lean back :
nj last watch US fellows. friends of
Is eAt and enjoy ourselves. He'd be