The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-02-19

around nore?' called Humpy from the
other side of the gate.
There's one right across the road.
but I'm not saying that she does her
duty by her children gadding around
as She does every day in the week.
IIunpy tool Il long ook at the house
opposite and her crossed the street
and rang the bell. Again it was Mrs.
Mcclure who caNle to the door. and.
not seeing a parcel in his hand. she
broke out with:
II paid d dollar ten for a corset yes
terday. and it was to come up before
night. It's not here yet. and you tell
the girl who sold it to me and gave
me her solemn promise that I'm get
ting dressed to waltz down there and
give her a bit of my mind"
I'm not IL parcel boy. ma'am." re-
piled Humpy.
NO? Then who are your
Have you got a husband. ma'am?'
II have"
"Does he ever climb laddersY"
"He does. He'll climb anything from
a glass Of beer to the steeple of a
church. He's been trying for the last
five years to climb into Office. but it
makes his head dizzy"
"Ma'am. l have to tell you-that is.
l was sent here to say-that is
"That is. that my man Joe Is drunk
again and the police have got him this
time and will give him thirty days.
All right. 1t was that MCGUIRE across
the street that sent you, and do you SO
back and tell her that she's no lady"
But. ma'am"-
Get a move on you"
Humpy moved. Half a block down
the street he stopped beside a carpen.
ter repairing a fence and asked him if
there We're any other McGuires on the
street.
"About ten Others" was the reply.
TRY the neXt door,"
1t was tried. Mrs. Mcclure came to
hand and Il scowI on her face and
wanted to know why Humpy was try.
ing to pull the doorbell out by the
roots.
"1ou have got a husband. haven't
you:" he queried in reply.
"You impudent sassbox, would l be
living with Il man for the last TWEEN.
ty years and he not my husband?"
"Your husband went away this morn
ing feeling all right. didn't he"
Hurpy Gets Nervous.
"IIe did that. How else should he
feel when he's got the best wife on the
street? What do you stand there swal-
lowing your tongro for? Has my man
been throwing another car off the track
and dislocating the conductors shout
der? If he has. then he can pay his
OWE fine"
MADAM. regret to be the bearer
the-bearcr'-
"And what is it that you are bear
ing? If it's the ice or milk bill. out
with it! I've got something to do be
sides standing here Ginning with a
boy hat can't speak English"
"Well, then. your husband fell from
a ladder down on Arch street and
broke his leg and has been sent to the
hospital"
ooh, he has?" smiled the woman.
"My son. step inside a minute. Do
you see that sleeping form on the
lounge there? That's what they calls
a recumbent attitude. That's the man
we have been talking about. That's
my husband. He was out on a spree
last night"
Humpy turned to flee, but he was
not quite quick enough. He was hit on
the head with a buster, and a large and
liberal foot helped him off the step,
The man who was repairing the fence
advised him to try three or four other
houses. but the boy had become dis
couraged. He headed for home and
didn't stop until he got there. AS he
entered the house his mother asked:
"Why Humpy. how does it happen
that you got out of school so early?"
He explained. and when he had fin
ished she said:
"Poor boy. you did not find the
right Mrs. Mcclure. am the one
and now if you will kindly step into
the wood shed with me We'll find ou'
who fell down a ladder and who fel
up one!!" NJ. QUAD.