davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-05-15
[From the Chicago News. ]

[From the Chicago News.1
Kissing is less dangerous than the
girls father.
Love that feeds on beauty soon dies
Of starvation.
Ill news travels fast when Il II GO
ing to q doctor.
whitewash will not hide the freckles
on a mans reputation. 80
The man who doesn't butt in oc-
caslonally seldom gets ahead. srf
What lovely world this is to girl
the first time she falls in love.
Some men fail to hit the target Of
success because they aim too high.
If kisses were poisonous more men
and women would commit suicide. :
In acquiring q poor actress the stage,
may have robbed some man OF q good,
wife.
A widow never claims that the late
lamented's demise was due to. over
work. r..
Lots of men would be meaner than
they are II they were not too laxy to
exert themselves. - r.
You may have noticed how much
easier 1t IL to exchange your money for
experience than 1t b to swap your ca.
perience for money. ..,.-.S.s
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-05-15

Reports come from Manhattan that
the students, or some of them. at
least. who are attending the state edu-
cational institution there, have placed
a boycott on the word Agricultural
in the time honored name of the in
stitution. A few spanlxings judicious-
~ administered to the right parties
would probably put an end to this fol-
~. 1t can be called by no other name
unless it be that of impertinence for
such 1t surely is to the people OF this
great agricultural state who appre-
ciate the need for a great agricultural
college and who willingly support it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-05-15

Topekans have no cause to look
with anything but pride upon the pro-
fessionai baseball team which bears
the name Of this good town. The rec
ord Of its members IN all departments
OF the game during. the first period of
the season compares more than favor
ably with the best ones made by the
players on the other teams. Maybe
Dick Cooley and his band will not win
the pennant but the team that beats
them to it will have to do some ball
playing Of the gilt-edged stripe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-05-15

What will the proprietors of dance
halls where the admission is twenty
five cents with hat checks and ladies
free. who are In the habit Of excluding
sailors of the U. 8. navy while in uni
form, have to offer In the way. OF an
excuse in view of q ball given the 9TH
er night by the women of San Fran
cisco's "400'' where the tackles. the men
behind the guns, were the lions Of the
occasion and danced to their hearts
content with the leading society ladies
on the Pacific coast?.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-05-15
GLOBE SIGHTS.

EFrom the Atchison Globe.1
No man can be graceful while push
ing a baby carriage.
Why does a man want to catch 200
fish? He can not use them.
This is the season when every jack
ass imagines he Is a dark horse.
A fool IL a man who will work hard
for year saving money to spend in
a day.
What has become Of the old fash
toned man who called his watch his
"biscuit?" s.s4tss
A woman's dog always seems to be-
long to the came class AZ a boy with
long curls.
If man owns only one hen. he can
imagine he is rich by reading poul-
try journal.
In a small town the idea of an ex-
travagant woman is one who hires her
washing done.
Judging from the number Of women
who support themselves. the coming
woman has arrived.
An old mans idea Of joke is to
shave of his whiskers~ and go home
and startle his wife.
What has become of the old FASH
toned person who referred to fatterfng
anyone as 'softsoaping them -
There are some people who look as
thin and gaunt as though they had
always been led on church dinners.
Every man who takes a part in your
procession expects that some day you
will blow horn in. his procession.
No matter how welcome the guest
IL, the hostess always looks little dis
mayed II she brings a trunk instead OF
a valise.
It is a constant strife to live up to
ones own convictions of economy, and
up to the neighbors' ideas of style at
the same time.
A woman will fight her relatives any
time for her lover; and, when he be-
comes her husband, will work him any
day for her relatives.
Here is the situation: Father. in his
prime. is abused II he doesn't spend,
and in mis- old age he is abused be-
cause he didn't save
One poor little fly In the bedroom in
the morning, win do more effectual
work than dozen alarm clocks, cost
les. and nsver gets out Of repair.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-05-15
THE NOSE IN DANGER.

Somehow or other that new nose
theory Of pneumonia is liable to cause
more or less trouble for humanity If
1t Is adhered to. AS Is well known 1t
has hitherto been held and taught that
pneumonia was a lung disease which
might be contracted In more than one
way. But now the scientists, the mi
crobists and the germists tell US that
1t Is caused by germ which enters
the nostrils first, then completes its
growth amid the bones Of the nasal
organ and from thence Is drawn into
the lungs in the process Of breathing.
In short, pneumonia has it's own mi
crobe and one that is received and Gull
tured in the human nose until It is
fully developed and ready to proceed
to business.
involves some disturbing complica-
lions. as we look at 1t. As at present
constituted human beings cannot very
well exist without noses. It is true
that an occasional, but rare, case Is
seen where the organ has either never
existed or has been in some manner
destroyed. and the noseless one appears
to get along fairly well, but as a gem
eral proposition it may be claimed
that a nose is essential. Then we go
step further and say that a nose is
not prepared to perform it's duty UNI
less 1t is open. We know that 1t some
times becomes temporarily closed but
such condition is inconvenient to say
the least OF it. Then, don't you see,
IL we have. a nose and it is left open
the germs win select it as q breeding
place and give us pneumonia. That's
where 1t leads to in natural sequence.
Then there's another point to be
considered. and perhaps q serious one.
A. We AL know. surgeons are vsry
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-05-15

IFrom the Philadelphia Record.J ~
The luck that seems to come easiest
is hard luck. D.
Predieested food must be the diet OF
the lazy. ~.
Many q man Il whoie-souled whose
shoes are worn through. -
The waiter who doesn't get = It'd
doesn't believe that all things come
to those who walt. 80
Lots of fellows would be perfectly
happy II they could only borrow
enough to pay their debts.
The only ,advantage about looking
pared to dodge it when It comes.
Blobbs-'The great trouble with
marriage is that few people realize tho
full solemnity Of it." Slobbs-ssNo: ~
any rate. not until II IL too late :. ;
She-'In spite OF q general BELIEF ia
the contrary. tits quite possible for &
woman to keep q secret" He-fPer.
haps; but most women are terribly osit
of practice"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-05-15

In the manipulation of the financing
OF the Third avenue railroad of New
York city which is now part of the
infamous Metropolitan street railway
system. small matter of $s6000,0o0 Is
unaccounted for. That sum which was
probably stolen by the Iooters OF the
company would build a considerable
amount of much. needed railroad in
this section of the country.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-05-15
TELEGRAPH REFORMS.

Whatever action John Henniker
Heaton, M. p, proposes to encourage
a more general communication be-
tween the people of the world will be
considered with respect. For. what he
has already done in that regard has.
and long since, secured him the repu-
tation of ''the postal reformer.''
His latest proposition looks to a re-
duction in the cost of teIegraphfng
throughout Europe to two cents
word, and he thinks that the rate
should be no more anywhere in Great
Britain and the colonies, no matter
what the distance may be, holding that
the mail service should be reserved
for the transmission of documents,
newspapers and parcels.
Why he omitted love letters does not
appear. but the folks who are still
young enough to write these will, of
course, supply the deficiency. Even
assuming that they would not scorn
to limit their correspondence because
itowould cost two cents g. word. they
value secrecy above all things IN such
matters and would never expose their
ardent thoughts to cold, unfeeling
world.
As for the rest, there should be
business communications enough to
take advantage Of the low rate advo-
Gated to result in a traffic that would
yield a huge profit, as Mr.. Heaton
predicts. The rate is but little below
the present charge for telegraphing
within given distances here, say. not
over hundred miles. But, fiat rate
for any distance as he proposes would
he irnanfiuo fn fha hSfffUti01
of the telegraph for the mail In many
cases. 7t- azA
This is not all, however. He pro-
poses further that the telegraph cable
monopoly shall be broken by the pur-
chase Of the lines by the governments
of Great Britain and the United States.
This would make it a government
monopoly, but as it would be conduct
ed in the interests Of the people. the
cost of cable messages would certainly
be lowered SO as to bring the use of
the lines within the reach Of everyone,
so to speak.
1t is a good scheme, but rather late
in the proposal. as the wireless. system
across the ocean is already in opera
ton at half the rates charged by the
cable companies. and with MarconPs
assurance tndt tney Will De AoWeIeO
considerably as soon as the Improve
ment Of the system will permit it.
Still, the proposition deserves con-
sideration, and 1t may be accepted as
certain that the lowering of the rates
all around would bankrupt nobody,
but that. on the contrary. it would in
crease business to an extent that
would, as Mr.. Heaton says, "yield a
huge profit"
Our statesmen should think 1t over.
| And at this time in particular in
should be considered by the congress
sional committee on postal reforms
which is now investigating that SUBJ
ject with the view Of reporting to con-
eress at its next sessjon
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-05-15

Tammany Halls headquarters in
New York city are to be moved from
their present quarters on Fourteenth
street, which is way down town these
days, to a more. desirable location. If
the wigwan and a majority Of the
Tammany braves could only be moved
to Richard Croker's estate in Ireland it
would be a fine thing not only for New
York but also for the entire country
for once in a while Tammany has
something OF forcible finger in the
national politics Of the Democratic
party. >gs t
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-05-15
REFLECTIONS OF A BAuaMloR.
Iron the New 70,

lFrom the New York Preaa.1
The one thing q man can under.
stand about Q woman Is that he
doesn't.
A man can, quit any Job he hoIds
married. e'e
A. girl calls 1T . romance when n
tomato SOUP made. ~ -
People spend AL their money teAp-
ing Up appearances to make the world
think they have plenty more LETT.
nndtnga withered. lower fhsf. 80 - -
the cnldren pressed In Z book fhsn :
man qoes ~ AndflG = len 6oilSr bii1 -
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-05-15

cy Leland, one of the candidates
for the Republican gubernatoriaI
nomination, announces emphatically
that he is for the enforcement of all
the laws of the state, the prohibitory
law Included. And his record that he
points to appears to show that he has
been consistent supporter of pro-
hibition during his public career in
the state. Neither Leland nor any 9TH
or man would stand much of a chance
Of getting q nomination for the office
Of governor of Kansas or being elect
cd to it unless he did stand. for the
enforcement of the prohibitory law.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-05-15
HUl40R OF TIE Day

Mother. dear. IL you want to get >
divorce and marry someone else. IA
you just 90 to the Judge and ret .
transfer f"-x.ife. "A
Mrs Benham-A tramp stole one
Of my pies today. Benhem-I Won
der what he viii do with it?-Har-
per's Weekly.
Henry Jsmes." obssrxsd the man
with the buleing hrow. -. like = gass
understand him."-chicago Tribune.
Mrs. Jawbaok-weu. marriage
teaches q man little sense. anyhow.
Mr.. Jawback-Yes. and then It's too
late to use it.-Clevelaud Leader.
Don't you believe In love at irst
sometimes you take another lookI"-s
London Opinion.
He-Yes. by Jovs. for six months
have been under your thumb-but
ha. hal the worm has turned at IaDt1
she-Nastys wriggiy thingi-Londod
BystAnder.
Little Willie-Say pa. what does ~
signify when one woman kisses an.L
other? Pa-About a. much a. when
one college boy calls another "o1d
man." my son.-Chtcago News.
''shan we try grsttingr' asked the doe
"Do you think he could stand itr' was
Hold On. thersi' ala the patient. for
getting his burns. Perhaps could stand
asl su fee. but thass It the n SD BY
OF course thew had to explain that theirs
was not the ordinary skin game.-Phila-
BaIbo. was toil,ne down the wsstern
h 6sps Brow This d. ce tie Pacifc
one q those autos to give me = int,
ing machine.NPhliadsiphia Ledger.
Mrs. Reeds that your automooils your
Mrs lGreene-I really DON'T know. You
see, its in repair shop 30 much that I
Hfe.1YonEers ststesmsn. an ' w.
Auntie (testing her nephew's knowledge
Ham the Conqueror's great battief
tb Th9 haS Sssn sasni1s S tS ":
s hs f HassinEs.C -lrSs" Sketch. ~ 0''0
.'sorry. SIR" telephoned the butcher,
but we are out Of sirioin; Why don't your
other end OF the line. -.-7-,.,.. b.
7 say. why don't your wife order you
.sWhy don't my wife order me around?'
Man, that = all she does from morning
until night II you were nearer, I'd"
the Teceiver.-Ths chsdrsn's Visitor.
Biggs-Do you believe THAI the use Of to. i,
bacco impairs the memory
| Diggs-Not necessarily. ! h2ven't been
able to forget that cigar you gave me two
weeks ago-but perhaps there WIS no to-
bacco In tt-Ch1cago Daily Newng al -Ysa.i
Teacher-NAme the worlds greatest
composer. ~ :
Tommy-Chloroform.- Brooklyn Eagle.
''wen. d. know" doub&fulfy said Far.
mer Hornbeck, relative to the proposal OF
his nephew a recent graduate from an
agricultural college. "Mebbs dere's money
cultivatin' mushrooms, but where could We
plant 'emf They require a damp, dark
dank place to grow In, don't theyr"
Yes" was the reply. And III tell you
what. Uncie Ezra: wen raise them in the
parlor. PUCK.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-05-15

Topeka has been particularly hon
ored this week with the presence of
several hundred women, from all over
Kansas who have been here attend
ing the convocatfon Of the Order of
the Eastern Star
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-05-15

Prime up your cannons and noise
makers and fire round of salvos to
honor the members of the scoop
club" of the class of journalism at
Kansas university. Those jealous
folks IN Lawrence who make their
living out of newspaper work evident
" hoIlered fake too soon over the
xa<nous story about the joints In Law
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-05-15
Reeains sight ct Ninety-thres

Mrs Matilda Moseette. widow Of
Joseph Mossette, OF Leicester, who has
been living with her son, Eli Mossette,
on Pond street, Worcester. has sud-
denly had her teyesight restored after.
Is years OF blindness She will be IS
years old August 49, and she became
blind - years ago as she sat ,sewing
in her home in Leicester. Mrs. Mos
settle has kept MP her courage, belfev-
In. g aha olken said, thulx "ooms day
Odd w1n 6iyN sas bqck ~ stenlk e :
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-05-15

This postponement of further con-
alteration of the Brownsville affair in
the senate until December next is a
ease Of good radiance to bad rubbish.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-05-15
HIS FINISH.

Sptne .ODna1ue wus awful tough, -
An, Spike Jest gioEtsd In it.
ais Language. that wun hard enourh
~ uoWn Wue fierce his voice WuS run
aed neyer take nobody's blum:
you've seen, maybe eoxne tos,wh sims hs,t
ae was the toughest sort OF nut.
Spike went to sai1 the oshun bIu>
An brave the stormy weather.
ne snpper tried to put him through,
A. SHIPPERS very often do,
But spike he all the tougher grew:
HIS hide got tanned like leather.
no fist an. no helaytn' pin
"Oulo MAKE . dent upon his Glrin.
among the cannibals he rot
with no one nigh to hender.
they took poor Spike that bloomins lort *
Al heated up some water not ~
Taen soused him plump into the Dot
An, Died him good an tender.
Call me q. liar If you ike.
But that u what they done to Spike.
80 -ChfcagO News
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-05-15

Dizziness IN the way OF selling books,
ipost cards and other souvenirs by the
markers OF the Oregon trail must be
good in Topeka for their stay here has
been a lengthy one.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-05-15

Heavy winds seem to do quite as
much damage to an. ordinary glass
factory as stones DO to q glass house.
This is evidenced by the demolition Of
one OF the former at Caney the other
day.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-05-15
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

The State Journal is O. member of the
Associated Press and receives the fun day
ganization for the exclusive afternoon
publication in Topeka.
The news IL received b The State Four.
nal building over wires for this sole pun.
pose. rs.F e.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-05-15
EROA OTHER PENS
EMP1oYMENrsTHE BEST GIFT.

AS the season advances and the con-
sequences of the panic wear away the
problem of ehe unemployed becomes
less difficult. less urgent. less pitiful.
But work is still hard for many willing
hands to find. Often it seems impos-
sible for earnest seekers to !. get a
chance to earn their bread. It is still
true that the best of all giving is giving
the opportunity to perform useful SER
vice, to win food and shelter and
clothing by honest toll. For this sea-
SON those who have any means Of en-
ploying men or women in need Of
work can do nothing kinder and wiser.
nothing more truly beneficent. than to
hire as many willing hands as they can
use and keep them busy as long as cir
cumstances permit. Now is the time
to provide for the certain rush of the
near future. Now is the best oppor-
tuntty for makingsimprovements which
will soon be needed in every depart
ment Of industry
Today contractors are eager bidders
for modest profits. Now they can select
materials on better terms than in the
boom years before the. panic. Under
existing circumstances every kind of
construction work is quite certain to
be better and more cheaply done than
it could have been year ago. or than
1t can be done a year hence. Giving
work is not only philanthropy, but
business common sense. 1t is fore
sightedness. 1t is economy in the long
run. 1t is good citizenship and also
most selfish point Of view.-Cleveland
Leader.
THE PROGRESSIVE FTLdPDJOS.
Despite all efforts to make a political
issue Of the Philippine problem, the
people of the archipelago have been
making such progress In the last five
years that the problem" If it may be
so called. is making for its own solu-
ton Somehow the Filipinos have not
been materially Influenced by the anti
limitations OF certain OF our statesmen
demanding for them immediate inde-
pendence and seff-government. They
have been going along in their own
way, taking advantage of the oppor-
tunities afforded for their education
tivtty until they are showing marked
Improvement in their ability to handle
their own affairs. The Army and Navy
Journal recently contained an elabor-
ate article setting out the facts OF
Filipino progress. It shows that less
than 10 per cent OF the government and
municipal employees Of the islands are
Americans, while SO per cent of the
police and constabulary are F1npinos
There are 982 Filipino mayors and
nearly all Of the municipal officers OF
the islands are natives. Last year g.
687 schools were maintained. and the
Filipino assembly has made provisions
for largely increasing this number. A
postal system has been inaugurated
throughout the archipelago and prac.
tically all OF the employees are Fffipinos
Returns show that the government OF
the provinces and towns Is being adj
ministered econofntcallysLOm Omaha Be
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-05-15

How appropriate Is the date set for
the final adjournment OF the present
session Of congress-May g.. 1t ll@be
q real 'skidoo" day in more ways than
one 4serss .sa-.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-05-15
The Champaon Barrnsner


Nathan Woods ruling passion is for
bargaining He; Il noted over the whole
countryside for his brilliant victories
az the bargain counter. To his laureis
ne yesterday added the crowninr one
OF All. BY his shrewdness he was en-
aoleo TO enjoy the luxury of an attempt
at suicide which cost him nothing.
WOOD now stands out as probably
the only man who has reveled in all
the sensations of would-be suicide.
from the purchase OF the deadly pistol
to the firing Of the shot which was to
end 1t all at no material loss.
When Woods financial statement
showed cash in hand Of only s. and no
prospect OF. immediate receipts. he de-
ctded that IT was time to wind up busi-
ness. Going to hardware store he ex-
amined its stock Of revolvers without
finding good one that he could buy
for s.. A small 22-ca1iber weapon, which
q clerk showed to him, was rejected
as unlikely to fnflict fatal wound
Tor Wood wished to make sure Of his
winding up proceedings.
However 1t was a matter of choos-
Ing between the doubtful weapon and
the prospect of indefinite existence on
50. Finally he selected the. former.
Then his bargaining instinct surged
to the fore.
Suppose I take this, and it does not
answer. will you take it back?'' he
asked the clerk. :.
Sure" said the latter. Money back
IL you arc not suited"
In a few hours the town. heard that
Wood had attempted suicide. He had
desperately fred a bullet point blank
at his brain. The resisting power Of
his skull was such that the ball had
simply f1attened itself against the bony
structure and had been removed after
making a mere scratch.
The clerk in the hardware store
heard the news. He smiled and pom
dered. Then he casually remarked to
his employer that he had sold a re-
volver to Wood on trial, but that he
scarcely thought Wood would bring
the weapon back. -. -, -. -.
Hardly were the words out OF his
mouth before Wood appeared, produced
the pistol with the remark that it was
no good, and. demanded his money
back.
The clerk was too astonished ito de-
bate the matter, He gave Wood his s.
and the would-be suicide left the store
with the look Of a man who has reach
ed the bargain hunters highest JOY
Baraboo (Wis.) dispatch to Chicago
Record Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-05-15

Auntie (testing her nephew's knowledge
Now, dear, what was thu date OF Will
Ham the Conqueror's great battle?
Tommy (who has been learning to use
the domestic telephonel-Ons. o, double
six, HastfngS.-The Sketch.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-05-15

'sWeu, a. know" doub&fulfy said Far
mer Hornbeck. relative to the proposal OF
his nephew, a recent graduate from an
Agricultural college. "Mebbo dere's money
cultivatin' mushroom. but where could We
plant 'em7 They require a damp, dark
dank place to grow in, don't theyr"
Yes" was the reply. "And I'll tell you
what, Uncle Ezra: wen raise them In the
parlor"-Puck.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-05-15

Little Willie-Say. pa, what does H.
signify when one woman kisses aneI
other? Pa-About a. much a. when
one college boy calls another "o1d
man." my son.--Chtcago News