The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-10-28

AND WEPT.
was dead when there was a step in the
corridor. and his half open door wa
pushed open and a stranger entered
and queried:
as this Major Crofoot, p~lease?"
ut is"
1.-THE man who always has a good
thing for investors"
Sure"
MY name is Dawson, and l have
come in to talk business to YOU"
Things changed with the major in an
instant. The usual smile came back
to his face, the usual blandness to his
voice. and as he babe the stranger wei.
come he toyed with the six old check
books stacked up on the desk to show
that he was doing business with six
different banks.
What is the best thing you can Of
fer an investor today?" continued the
caller as he seated himself.
You mean something extra good:"
THE very best there is in the box.
Don't talk to me Of anything paying
less than 80 per cent dividends"
Would Pay 60 Per Cent.
mo? Well, I've got just what you
want. Yesterday l just finished incor-
porating the Great American Novelty
Refrigerator company. It's going to
be the greatest thing ON earth. It's
sure to sweep the land like a tornado.
I'm the inventor, patentee and presi-
dent Of the company, capital $5,OOO.-
600, and l feel sure l can guarantee
you GO per cent dividends. You put
hot water into the refrigerator and it
freezes 1t to ice. Attached to and
working with it are a music box, an
alarm clock. a French dictionary, a
typewriter, a washing machine and a
photograph. Can be worked singly
or altogether. Keeps tabs on the hired
girl. Records the exact moment the
husband comes in at night. Can be
fitted with a torpedo to blow up
tramps calling for something to eat.
Possibilities unlimited, and the demand
will be unprecedented. The car of
Russia writes'@
"Never mind the car Of Russia" in.
terrupted Mr.. Dawson. "Is that your
very best?"
"Rut think Of it. man. GO per cent
dividends. and 1 make you general
manager at Il salary Of $4,000 a year."
"Poor. very poor. Not half good
enough. I thought you had something
gilt edged. 1t wouldn't pay to fool
away my time on that"
"BUt. man
"Come in with me and learn how to
promote. You don't know the 4 r C
of it yet. Ono Of the very poorest COM
panies l have is the Arabian Celery
and Horseradish syndicate. We pro-
pose to buy 100000 acres Of desert
land and supply the world with celery
and horseradish. The dividends are
positively guaranteed at IS. and yet we
don't think much of 1t. We shan't try
very hard to push the stock. I could
give you the vice presidency at a salary
Of $4,000 a year. but l don't want to
see you starve to DEATH"
The majcr turned pale. opened his
eyes very wide and began to breathe
hard.
"A promoter who can't see an even
100 per cent dividends in an enterprise
should drop it," continued the caller.
'It's n horse. It's wasting his time.
I organized the Universal Gas Saving
company and figured out it would pay
80 per cent dividends. Looked to ME
like a big thing in my then callow
days. hut l laugh at It now. 1t cut gas
bills down from Sc a month to Is cents
and is still doing 1t. but the stockhold-
ers are kicking for greater dividends.
Ninety per cent looks like skimmilk to
them. The secretary resigned last
week. and I could give you his place ut
$4,000 a year. but I know you'd refuse