The sun., 1908-08-30
HELD UP By A POSTMASTER
DOWN SOUTH HUMOR AS A YAM
KEE DRUMMER FOUND 1T.

ibt ffuu worn hIfnbeI Vut anu heSu
All the Newspapers and Postcards.
Met up with country postmaster the
other day Who we'll, no. won't say that I
hankered to mix powdered glass in his
hard cider. ! Won't say that because I've
rot to so back to that neighborhood again
sooner or later. and feel as II I've been
spotted by enough country postmasters
already,' said a travelling salesman whose
tours are alfmAde In country districts.
Il covered that county In about five days.
driving around from one general store to
another In blackboard that hired in the
county seat town. On the day before I
finished the county ! got wire from my
firm stating that check covering my
expense account had been mailed TO me at
the Punkvlle post Office. Why the PIN
heads in charge OF drummers' expense
accounts for my firm had sent the check
to Punkville instead of to the county seat
town, only four miles away, don't know,
except that I'd dated an order from Punk
vile, which probaby y caused 'em to suppose
that had anchored In Punkville and made
II my county headquarters.
$50 had to drive out from the county
seat town to Punkville on the morning OF
the day was due to get the check. I was
10 take the 1890 train out OF the county
seat town. pulled into PunkviIle in my
blackboard at lfl5. I'd been told that the
mail was due there about that time, and I
didn't have much margin to get my check
and make the four mile return drive to catch
the 1880 train. So was in heap OF hurry
and probably looked it. But it's mistake
looking like you're In hurry almost any
L. t,, thn ,nfr h,,f iD,,lo lortxr L.,
the country district south Of Mason and
Dixon's line, where this happened. II
there's any one thing they take particular
delight in down there it's sidetracking
busting Yanks-especially drummers- who
act as iftheyre in a rush.
-Punkville consists OF the store in which
the post office ID located and the generally
deserted blacksmith shop across the road
therefrom. It's one Of those post offices.
not yet rugged with rural delivery, 10 which
the farmers drive in to get their mail
seed catalogues and the prize giving week.
lies published In Maine-every once In a
while when they happen to think OF it
and are not hayin' or chopin fodder or
harrowin' the forty or smokin the hog
meat or doin' suthin' else.
IL hooked my horse to the hitching rail
out in front and trudged into the store
humbly enough. It was one Of those stores
that smell OF salt mackerel. mildewed
prunes. weary Goldfish and holdover cheese
and with coal scuttles and gloves and sun
bonnets and halters and such like all strung
together overhead on wires or ridge ropes.
Five or six one gallus wool hatters sat
around on boxes and barrels. Two or three
Of them had staked themselves to good
cigars two for nickel upon getting in and
that added TO the reek.
81 noticed 'em winking at each other
when I stepped in, I looked like a howling
dude to them, yo, see. because I wore a
coat in the warm weather and had on a
pair of russet shoes and such frivolous
gear hence the winks.
The postmaster was doing up quarter
Of pound of tea when arrived. He wss
about 90 and be had whiskers in his ears
and a wart on either side OF his nose.
'Mornin'. sir ! said to him In my nor
mally polite tone. Nail in YETI
HE didn't reply for about twenty seconds,
He was too busy gazing me over. up and
down over the tops of his specs.
Air yo' all int'ustei in the Punkville
mail, suhr he oakei me 10 a severe tone
as much a. to say that l was slamming in
and had no business there at all.
mornings mail said to him.
oh, yo' hsye? said the postmaster.
still severe in his tone. How d. yo' all
know yo' haveT
well, I knew that II wouldn't get me
anything IL | told him that II was none of
his dadbingei hankypank yapperino bnsi-
ness how I knew 10, although sure ached
TO tell him that and a lot more.
Because I've received advices to that
effect I said.
.'Ain't no mail heah yit.' he chopped
Expecting 1t direct!y'' asked him
We all hain't much on the expeo oroun'
Punkville. suh.' replied the postmaster
wittily, winking at the one galluses clustered
around on the boxes and barrels. and
could see their shoulders shaking over the
postmaster's humor. sat
three or four minutes later a cart clat-
tered up in front Of the Punkvlle post
Office and boy lugget in the leather mail
II might make my train after all,
-The postmaster dumpei the little bundle
Of mail in the bottom of the seek on to the
gummy floor back of the counter and then
seatinR himself OIL an up ended nail keg
he began leisurely to sort over the news
papers first When he came to a news
paper addressed IN himself he deliberately
removed the wrapper from il and spread
II out and scanned the headlines.
'Anothuh vearthnnake out yonduh in
Californv-littls one this heah time he in
formed the wool hatters outside the coun-
ter 'yo' all cavn't tell me that the huh
coast out yonduh hain't a-goin T. tumble
into the sea one O. these heah days, All
knows il will
sThat started one OF the wool hatters on
the subject Of earthquakes in general
His view that San Francisco never would
be without its regular daily earthouske
precipitated an argument among all the
rest OF the one gallises, in which the post
inanter leaning both hands on the counter
and permitting the mail to kick around on
the gumnv floor, took his due part I
began TO feel some jumpy and pulled ont
my watch. - =
Far be 4. from me, Mister Postmaster
] said tn him, not sarcastically. you know.
but just IA polite az knew how, TO hreak
into this exceedingly interesting exchange
OF views: but I've got latter living thare
on the floor In that bunch Of mail and I've
got to get train four miles from here In
Just fiftv minutes. and | sure would he
greatly Obliged TO YOU n you'd
Look a-heah. Mistub Man. cut In the
postmaster right then. crushinSly. All
wants yo' all tuh understaa that Ah'm
runnin' this heah eeud o. tn Es-you-nited
States Gov'ment. ~ Ah'm a-runnin IL on
tn principle q tn greatest good TO- tn
greatest numbuh, as vo'-ail's Abe Lincoln
sAid somewh1ah, an hist como fust su'ved