davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08
Carried Out instructions.


. Every sailor has his story Of the
mistakes which landlubbers make over
the names Of things at sea, which
always seem to be exactly the oppo-
site Of what they are on land.
A new boy had gone on board a
West India ship, upon which a painter
had also been employed to paint the
ships side. The painter was at work
upon a staging suspended under the
ships stern.
The captain, who had just got into
a boat alongside, called out to the
new boy, who stood leaning over the
rail, LET go the painter!'
Everybody should know that a
boats painter is the rope which makes
it fast, but this boy did not know It.
He ran att and let 60 the ropes by
which the painters staging was held.
Meantime the captain was wearied
with waiting to be cast off.
"You rascal" he called. "Why. don't
you let go the painter?'
"He's gone, SIR" said the boy brisk
~. Hes gone-pots, brushes and ALL"
London Standard.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08
Clay and tho Salary Grab.

"Quinn," said an old member one
day, II heard you worrying about the
mileage. Did you ever hear the story
Of Clay and the salary grab?"
NO." replied.
when Clay was speaker" he con-
tinued, "along about 1916, the crowd
raised their salaries to $500 year.
There was great howl all over the
country, and when Clay reached home
in Kentucky he found old one armed
John Pope, Federalist, out after his
scalp to beat the band and all the Clay
adherents ominously silent Worried
and anxious, Clay sought out his old
barber, who had always been enthusi.
astic in his advocacy and who hap
pened to be an Irishman.. 4 trust
may count on your hearty support, as
usualT Clay asked. Faith, Mr.. Clay
said the Irish barber, I think shall
vote at this time for the man who can
get but one hand into the treasury t"
Success Magazine.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08
Forbidden PLACES.

"a very large mastif at one end Of a
leash and very small girl at the other
end formed a combination which at
tracted the attention Of a casual pedes-
trian in quiet side street.
The little girl doubtless thought that
she was taking the dog out for an air
Ing, but the big animal himself appear
ed to have the impression that he was
the leader Of the expedition, and, be-
yond question, the balance Of power
was entirely on his side He dragged
the girl along despite her scolding aid
expostulations at pace which kept
her breathless.
Suddenly, either from a whim Of his
own or because somebody had been in
the habit Of taking him there, he dart
ed through the swinging doors Of a
corner saloon. The girl looked horri-
fed; but, clinging determinedly to her
end Of the leash, she followed her
charge, and as the doors swung shut
behind her the casual pedestrian heard
this exasperated remonstrance:
"Oh, darnfound it! Don't you know
ladies don't go there2 It's only place
for Philadelphia Ledger.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08
The Letter M,

The Hebrew name Of M was Mem,
water, and it is curious to note that
the original form of this character In
the most ancient manuscript is a wav-
Ing line, which to the not too particu-
lar ancients represented water. By
some philologists the letter M as used
by the Phoenicians is supposed to have
come from picture representing the
human face, the two down strokes rep
resenting the contour of the counte-
nance, the V stroke signifying the
nose, the two dots, long since disused,
and stroke beneath the V represent
ing the eyes and the mouth. The old
Phoenician form of the letter does in
deed bear comical sort Of resem-
blance to the human face.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08
Old Time Drunkenness.

In reviewing ''The Early Married
Life Of Maria Josepha, Lady Stanley"
the London Spectator comments on the
light in which drunkenness was re-
garded at the beginning Of the nine
teenth century. There was a christen-
ing Of twins and rejoicing among the
neighbors, tenants and laborers. "All
the guests" says Maria, "were as
drunk as I ever had the pleasure of
seeing any one." Among the laborers,
however, "that extent of 1ntoxication
was not reached which causes men to
be swine"
Lady Sheffield, who received this &C.
count Of the festivities, replies: II
would have given great deal to be
present. There is nothing love SO
much as such sort Of festivities, where
one has the satisfaction Of knowing
that one makes ones friends happy as
well as drunk In London, she de-
clares, when you give a ball you at
front many people, please few, make
many drunk and yourself miserable"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08
She Wanted to Know,

A little woman with wilton carpet
floral designs on her hat came into the
uptown Pennsylvania ticket Office the
other day and bought ticket for a
point down the state.
She gathered up her ticket and asked
for little folder because it had a pic
ture on it in colors of a girl waving
goodby to somebody from the end Of
train. Then she placed her ticket in
side her purse and the purse inside a
little satchel and put the satchel inside
her shopping bag, which she carried
in small alligator travelling bag. Just
before she started out she inquired Of
City Passenger Agent Dillon, who had
been waiting on her, "How long be-
fore my train starts?"
you'll just about have time to make
it," Dillon told her. 1T leaves the
Union station in about seventeen min
utes."
Seventeen minutes" she repeated.
"and is that by central time or eastern
time ?"-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08
Sale Of School and
Other State Lands.
STATE OF MINNESOTA. State Audit
or 8 Offlce

st. Paul, May 1. 1908.
Notice is hereby given that on the days
and dates and at the times and places
herein stated below in this notice, in the
;omces Of the county auditors Of the re-
spect1ve counties named in the State OF
Minnesota, will offer for sale the fol-
lowing described unsold state lands and
the following described state lands, which
have reverted to the state by reason Of
the non-payment of interest will also be
then and there offered for resale. Fiji
teen per cent of the purchase price and
interest on the unpaid balance from the
date of sale to June list 1909, must be
paid at the time Of the sale. The balance
Of the purchase money can be paid at
any time, In whole @or in part, within
forty years of the time of the sale: the
rate Of interest on the unpaid balance
OF the purchase money will be four per
cent per annum, payable in advance on
June lst OF each year, provided the prfn-
cipal remains unpaid for ten years; but
II the principal Is paid before the exp1ra-
ton Of ten years from the date OF the
sale the rate of interest on the unpaid
balance OF the purchase money will be
five per cent per annum; interest is pay
able In advance on June list of each year.
HOLDERS of certificates on which the
interest payments are in default can have
their certificates renstated- on payment
before the sale of the interest in full to
date and the penalties thereon, when tho
lands covered thereby will be withdrawn
from sale. '~t t~
Purchasers of lands on which assess
ments for the construction of Drain
age Ditch have been paid by the state
are required to pay in addition to the
10 per cent of the appraised value tho
cost of drainage and interest added to
date Of sale, as provided by Chapter 1888,
General Laws of 1907 - ...
All mineral rights are reserved by tho
state. All sales made will be subject to
the provisions Of Chapter No. 200 Of the
General Laws Of 1905.
...-:'g-- SAMUEL G. IVERSON,
~ State Auditor.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08

a well known divine whose theolog.
1cal discourses draw crowded houses
IN all the principal cities accepted an
Invitation to lecture in a small provin-
cial town, but discovered afterWard
that he had a prior engagement on the
same date. He accordingly apologized
and offered to make good any loss the
society might incur through his delin.
quency.
a few days later he received letter
from the secretary assuring him that
no harm was done and inclosing
handful which the divine Is never
tired Of reading to his amused friends
"As the Rev. Mr. - is unable to
give his advertised lecture on Con
SCIENCE" announced the bill, flour
members of the B. minstrel troupe
have kindly volunteered to perform in
stead a screamingly laughable farce
entitled . Any person who has
bought a ticket for the other enter
tainment may have it transferred to
this on payment Of sixpence EXTRA.
London Taller. i. - .s-....ez =. Z
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08
The Only one.

Henry VIII. Of England, being at one
time at variance with Francis I. of
France, decided to send an ambassa-
dor and to charge him with a very
fierce and menacing message to this
prince. He chose for this Office an
English bishop in whom he had great
confidence and whom he believed
would be the most proper person to
carry out his design. His prelate, be-
ing Informed of the nature of his mis-
sion and fearing for his life should he
treat with Francis in the naughty
manner his master desired, represented
to the king the danger to which he
was exposing him and begged not to be
sent on this mission.
..Oh, never fear,'' said Henry. IF
the king of France should kill you, i
will have the head of every French
man find In my kingdom go
II believe you, SIRE replied the bish-
op, "but permit me to assure you that
of all the heads you will cut off there
is not one Of them that will fit on my
body as well as my ownw re e..
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08
A Willing lnformer,

| wiling lnformer.
what Is che number?' repeated CELL
trail.
"Violet Park, eight-seven-seven.''
"Violet Park, ouble-seven?"
II reckon So"
And what number do you want?'
"Elmdale, two-naught-four-
"What is your name?"
my name is John Henry Miggles.
live at IS Blicken street, Violet Park
My house phone is Violet Park, eight
seven-seven or eight as
you choose. I am married, have no
children. We keep dog and a cat and
perpetual palm and a Boston fern,
and"-
call that is unnecessary, sir. We
merely
"And last summer we didn't have a
bit of luck with our roses. I tried to
have little garden, too, but the neigh
bors' chickens got away with that. The
house is green, with red gables. There
Is cement walk from the street.
am forty years old. My wife is young
er and looks it. We have a piano, keep
cook and an upstairs girl. Had the
front bedroom papered last week, and
I WANT
"Did you want Elmdale two-naught.
four-seven?'
"Yes!' gasped Mr.. Miggles.
swell, the line is busy now. Shall
call your
But Mr.. Miggles wrote letter.-New
Orleans Picayune.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08
Only Ono Alternative.

A cynic was smiling at the extrava-
CANT attentions that are lavished by
the rich upon pet dogs. He spoke of
the canine operations for appendicitis,
the canine tooth crownings, the canine
wardrobes, that occur in New York,
and then he said:
GLOW servants hate these pampered
ours! At house where I was calling
one warm day the fat and pompous
butler entered the drawing room and
said:
"'Did you ring, MADAME
eyes, Harrison. I wish you to take
Fido out walking for two hours
Harrison frowned slightly. But
Fido won't follow me, madam he
said.
"Then, Harrison, you must follow
Fido.'"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08
The Sun Of the Blind.

l have not touched the outline of a
star nor the glory of the moon, but
believe that God: has set two lights in
my mind, the greater to rule by day
and the lesser by night, and by them
know that l am able to navigate my
life bark, as certain of reaching the
haven as he who steers by the North
star. Perhaps my sun shines not as
yours. The colols that glorify my
world, the blue of the sky. the green
Of the fields, may not correspond exact
" with those you delight in, but they
are none the less color to me. The
sun does not shine for my physical
eyes, nor does the lightning fash, nor
do the trees turn green in the spring
But they have not therefore ceased to
exist any more than the landscape is
annihilated when you turn your back
on it.-Helen Keller in Century.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08
SUBSCRlPTION--S5.OO PER ANNUk

Grand Rapids Independent: Two
hours after the Beltrami county con-
vention the Bemidii Daily Pioneer
was out containing a two galley
writeup of the affair, giving all the
details of the meeting. That is GER
tainly going some," and when we
see the slimness of the Pioneers
advertising columns, and the appar-
entity unappreciative disposition of
the people of the Pioneers home
town, we heave a sigh of relief that
we do not live in Bemidji.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08
Whether riches really have wings or
not, they certainly are hard to overtake
on foot.-Dallas News.
How to Fill Up Holes In Wood

It sometimes becomes necessary to
fill up cracks or dents In fine wood
work, furniture, floors, etc. The fol-
lowing Is the best way Of doing IT.:
White tissue paper is stepped and per-
fectly softened in water and by thor
ough kneading with glue transformed
into q paste and by means Of ochers
(earth colors) colored as nearly as pos.
sible to the shade Of the wood. To the
paste calcined magnesia Is then added,
and It is forced into the cracks OF.
very firmly to the wood and after dry
Ing retains Its smooth surface
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08
SHAKE II OFF.
Rid Yourself Of Unnecessary Burdens.
A Bemidii Citizen Shows
You How.

Fg1s u
Don't bear unnecessary burdens
Burdens Of a bad back are un-
necessary.
Get rid of them.
Doan's Kidney Pills cure bad
backs;
Cure lame, weak and aching
backs; :.
Cure every form of kidney ills.
Lots of local endorsement to
prove this.
Clyde Johnson, living at 1914
Bemidji avenue, Bemidji, MINI,
says: 81 had been feeling very
miserable for sometime and Twas
enduring great deal of suffering
from kidney complaint. There
was pain in my back and during
the early part of the day, I felt
languid and tired out, and the
soreness caused me great discom-
fort. I decided to try a reliable
kidney remedy and went to The
Owl Drug Store, and procured
box of Doan's Kidney pills. l
used them according to directions,
soon the pains disappeared and
that tired, languid feeling van.
ished. know Doan's Kidney
Pills to be reliable remedy and
can recommend them to anyone
suffering from kidney complaint"
For sale by all dealers. Price
50 cents. Foster Milburn Co.,
Buffalo, New York, sole agents
for the United States.
Remember the name-Doan's
and take no other.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08
Needed q Biz Dose.

The president Of the Walters club of
New York in recent argument on tip
ping said to his opponent sharply:
"Eour reply is altogether beside the
point and irrelevant. It reminds me Of
a woman's reply In German court.
This woman was accused Of poisoning
her. husband. The prosecuting attor-
ney said to her:
"'You have heard the evidence. The
body contained enough arsenic to kill
ten persons. What have you to sayr
my husband the woman answer
ed, was a big eater"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08
Leaving Home.

I would give few words of encour-
agement to any young man who may
hesitate about leaving home. There is
nothing In the world so good for a
man, say, between twenty-five and
thirty-fve years of age, especially If
unmarried, as visit to distant coun-
tries, to learn other tongues, to see new
sights and to experience strange adj
ventures, such as he may readily en-
counter by throwing aside the restric-
lions of home life and taking up work
abroad.-Frederic Shelford, B. &c., in
Engineer.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08
Good Advice.

Never forget the advice of Themis-
aocles. Said that ancient, II would be-
stow my daughter upon a man without
money, but not upon money without
man." Just change money for title
and see the different reading: II would
bestow my daughter upon man with.
out title, but not upon title without q
man."-New York Press.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08
Harmless Joke.

Place spool of cotton in the in
side pocket of your coat and having
threaded a needle with the beginning
Of the cotton, pass the needle through
the front of the coat, unthread the
needle and leave about two inches of
the cotton hanging as if it were only
a stray piece. The first person you
meet will be sure to pick it off you,
and his establishment when he finds
there is no end to it will give plenty
of innocent fun q. -.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08
Not Ear 70 %.

The reporter hurried up to the scene
OF the accident. A workman engaged
on some scaffolding had missed his
footing and had fallen many feet into
the street below. :. Then the reporter
went off to interview, the unfortunate
man, who luckily had escaped with a
very severe shaking and few nasty
bruises, and asked sympathetically:
Did you have vertigo, my MANI"
"Oh, no, sir; only about thirty-flve
feet Quite far enough for me, though
-Pearson's. @ssss'. ss.s4
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08
The Cure.

= ''You look glum," said the husband of
one clever woman to the man who had
married her companion.
$50 would you if your wife studied
geology and filed the house with
stones until there wasn't a place left
for you to sit"
Don't worry about that" was the
cheerful reply. "Turn your wife's
thoughts to astronomy. That will suit
her just as well, and she can't collect
specimens. "-Sketchy Bits.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08
Point Not Well Taken.

II Observe" said the editor Of the
magazine, looking over the manuscript
that had been submitted to him by the
aspiring author thereof, that you have
used the phrase lean hours How can
there be such thing as lean hour?"
"Why mott? demanded the other.
"There is such thing as a spare mo-
ment, isn't there ?"-Chicago Tribune.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08
Trouble Ahead,

Parke-Old man, we've known each
other for years, and it does seem
strange that our wives have never
met Don't you think it would be a
good idea to bring this about?
Lane-Seems to me that's rather q
hard way of doing it.
"Doing what?" 1
"Getting rid of each other."-Life.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08
A Compromises.

A private soldier was taken to the
guardroom for being Intoxicated. he
became excited. Sergeant, am l
drunkf' he asked Of the '.noncom" In
charge.
.Yes--take of your boots" was the
reply.
But excuse me, sergeant" the de
Hnquent continued, Il am only half
drunk.v
Very well, thentake one boot orr
said his superior London Scraps.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08
A DucaI Estate.

The park in which Chatsworth
stands Is q dozen miles in circumfer-
ence. The facade of the house is a
length Of 1900 feet.-Pall Mall Ga
Zette. .-.-~.~ ---
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08

Two Harvard professors are to
compile an orang-outang dictionary.
It should prove helpful in composing
college yells.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08
OBSERVATIONS.
La. G. Rutledge.l

A distinguished New York physi-
clan says a man may get drunk on
water. But he doesn't.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08

That Brooklyn physician who
asserts that people can get crazy
drunk on water must have had
good opportunities of observing the
stock market.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08

A Russian has invented a boat
fitted with pneumatic cushions, so
that it bounds from wave to wave.
Most of us would prefer a boat that
waived the right to bound.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08
Throw a Brick on IL First.

IHTO" u oT1CN OF IC T1rSts
Arctic Explorers Wife - Goodby,
John, dear. Arctic Explorer-Farewell,
my love. Arctic Explorers Wife-And,
John, be sure that the ice is perfectly
safe.-Judge.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08

A steel trust has just been formed
in England. Thank heaven! At
last some Englishman will have
enough swag to establish UNIVERSE
ties and chapels in this country.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08
WiIlinq to Help,

"HI1I9 90 r1SJPs
Tramp-Can you assist me along the
road, mum? Lady Of the House-Per.
sonally I cannot, but will unchain my
dog, and know he will be most pleased
to do so.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08

Gifts from the hand are silver and
gold, but the heart gives that which
neither silver nor gold can buy
Beecher. !.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-07-08

Chicago has the only Chinese
baseball nine in the world. China,
however, turns out some millions of
fans yearly.
The morning journal-courier., 1908-04-04
GENERAL SHIPPING NEWS.


Antwerp, April arrived: steamer
Montczuma, st, John, n b., and Hall.
fax via london.
Slcillan Prince, cfrom rlracus), New
York.
Naples, Aprl o. Sailed; steamer
Republic. Now York
Gibraltar April 3.-Passcd. steamer
Alice, Trieste, etc, for New York.
llayrc, April Arrived: steamer
Floridc, New York
Southampton, April .. Arrived.
Steamer Adriatlc Now York via Ply
mouth and Cherbourg.
Genoa April t. Sailed; Steamers
Florida, New York; I'd, Romantic, Bo8-
ton.
Kln.ale Aprl S.-Passed; steamer
louisiana, New orleans via Havannd
aud Liverpool
cape Race y. r., April 3,-stcamcr
Columbia, Glasgow and Neville for New
York was LII miles cast Of Sandy
Hook at l2;15 p. M; dock about ~ m.
Monday.
Ilavrc. April q Arrived steamer
IA TourHnc, New York.
Queenstown April :. Sailed steam.
or Baltic tfrom Liverpool. New York
New York April 3, Arrived steam
ors I'mbfla Liverpool, Citta d Mes
sina. Mcssna.
sailed. steamers la Gascogne, lIa-
yre; Gallln, Narcotics
New York, April 3 steamer l.ucaria
| Liverpool and Queenstown for New
York, was $50 miles cast Of Sandy
Hook at D. M; dock about q, M
sunday
lizard. April 3-steamer ST. I.oui=
I from New York FOR Plymouth. Cher.
! hourg and southampton was 3i3 miles
west ~ lioa . M; viii reach plymouth
! I y, n saturday.
The morning journal-courier., 1908-04-04
NEWS OF CHURCHES
Confirmation at Trinity by the
Rt, Rev, Chauncey B,
Brewster.
COMMUNION SERVICES


The services at Trinity +. T., church
tomorrow viii begin with the celcbra-
ton Of the Holy Communion at 5
O'clock At TIC lO;3O service, the III.
Rev. Chauucey b Brewster bishop Of
Connecticut win onlciatc and confirm q
large class Of candidates, The bishop
win also deliver the sermon, which
win he followed by the celebration Of
the Holy Communion, Evening prayer
with sermon by tho Rev. Charles O..
ScoyIllc at 1880 o'clock.
Daily evening prayer at p, M cx-
cept Wednesday United service on
Wednesday at 7;45, with sermon by the
RI Rev. Thomas A, Jagsar y. ID.
The morning journal-courier., 1908-04-04

The services N st, Thomas church
tomorrow are lItany and Holy Com
munion with sermon Ivy the rector at
1880 a. IN. and evening prayer al /,
o'clock. The Sunday school meets at
l9:O5.
The services during the week are
morning prayer and lltany Wednesday
and Friday at 10 O'Clock, and evening
prayer every day except Wednesday at
5 o'clock with an address Friday.