The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1908-07-03
HOT WEATHER ETHICS.
Be Cheerful, But Not Cheerful Enough
TO Be Exasperating.


Just because the thermometer
climbs up to the top of the ladder and
the pavement begins to melt, dont get
an attack of paralysis of the polite
ness. OF course, you feel like a hun
dred in the shade anyway, and any lit
tie thing is likely to send you up a
few degrees more. But don't begin
to fume and splutter and boil over.
If a redheaded man comes along in
a purple shirt and wearing a coal
burner Pittsburg stogie in his mouth,
you are certainly entitled to couple
of crinkled "cusses. Also, if the
gent sitting beside you in the restau-
rant orders a simple little luncheon
of beefsteak smothered in onions,
fried sausage and hot wheatcakes,
you have a perfect right to pour cof-
fee or tea on him or break cup over
his head. But restaurant managers
tell us that it is not considered good
form to throw plates or decorated
crockery under such circumstances.
When the large lady enters the car
and raises the temperature 10 to y
degrees within a radius of 20 feet, do
not forget that you are a gentleman,
and thank heaven that your figure is
that may blow away, but never melts.
When the cute little soft-boiled baby
in the next seat reaches over and be-
gins to pull your whiskers, remember
that kind hearts are more than coro-
nets and simple faith than Norman
blood.
Smile, but in this weather don't
smile too warmly, or somebody will
get exasperated and punch you in the
face. Be cheerful, but not cheerful
enough to be exasperating; don't carry
it to excess.
Avoid all intoxicating liquors, ex-
cept beer, wine, mint 1uleps, gin rick
eys, sherry cobblers, claret-with-ice,
high balls, brandy smashes, cocktails
and Indiana patent medicines, and
don't drink them If you can go by
without stopping. Shun soda water,
ice cream, lemonade, "sundaes,"
sherbets and Rochefort cheese, unless
you feel like you want something cool.
Do not carry raw oysters or live
crabs around in your pocket. This is
considered distinctly bad form, and is
frowned down in the most exclusive
circles. Keep your Welsh rabbits at
home, as if brought on the streets
they must be safely muzzled. Some
authorities assert that the park re-
sort sausage should also be muzzled,
but this question is. as yet undeter-
mined by the courts.
There is not the slightest need in
calling the street car conductor a
speckled-face son of a pumpkin pie.
This is incorrect, uncalled for and he
has probably been told that before.
Remember that he hauls about AZ hui
man troubles in every car load, and
continually has to take large $40
kicks for a small scent fare.
If the beautiful lady waiter in the
quick-lunch room spills little coffee
down your back or playfully sprinkles
vegetable soup on your pink shirt bos-
ON, that is no reason why should be
rude. Probably her thoughts are far
away on one who loves her true and
takes her down to COLCHESTER, Bay
Shore or River View.
Certain things are entirely allow
able This is the open season for
book agents, bill collectors, organ
grinders and monographs. If you
take out the proper license, they may
be shot on sight. Also it is considered
justif1able homicide if you murder the
man who goes around asking, as II
hot enough for you?" This will also
be service emitting you to a cut-ice
medal and the gratitude Of the public
But for your own good, brethren
don't git all het up" as Uncle Sambo
used to say. Take your eyes of the
thermometer and put them on the
electric fan. Even If you are furi-
ousiy mad at the heat, recall the fact
that the sun is 92,S47 ,433 miles away
and you couldn't get whack at II
even with the Roosevelt big stick
BALTIC. Sun. 4.fse .as .j.Er