The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-04-26

3
to float in here any time. Say. if they
don't quit it I'll get TO be one of these
nervous prostraters that think thom-
selves sick abed without half tryin'
ASure. I'm just convalescin' from the
last shock.
How? Now make a guess. Well, 1t
was this way: I was sittin' right here
in the front office, readin' the sportin'
dope and takin' me regular mornin' sun
bath, when the rbuzZer goes off,
and in drifts about a hundred and nine
~ pounds of surprise package.
There was foreign label on it, all
right; but 1 didn't know until later
that it read MADE in Austria" He
was beefy sort of gent. with not much
neck to speak of, and enough curly
black hair to shingle a French poodle.
He was well cOlored, too. Beats the
cars, don't 1t, the good health that's
wasted on some of these foreigners?
But what takes my eye most was
his trousseau. Sayl he was dressed
to the minute. from the pink in his
buttonhole. to the mOther-of-pearl
gloves; and the back of his frock-coat
had an in-curve such as your forty-fat
sisters dream about. Why as far as
lines went, he had Jimmy Hackett and
Robert ManteIl on the back shelf. Oh.
he was a crusher. surei
Il have the purpose of finding Prof
fes-seur NIcCabby," says he, reading it
Off'n a card.
If you mean McCabe," says I, I'm
discovered
rs it that you are also by the name
. of Shorter" says he.
Shorty for short" says 1, land P. c.
n h. 20 81;
cal Culture Director. that stands for.
Now do you want my thumbprint, and
a snapshot of my family-tree?"
That seemed TO stun him a little;
but he revived after a minute, threw
out his chest, lifted his silk lid, and
says. solemn as new notary public
takin' the oath of office: I'm Baron
Patchouli."
You look it." says I. Have a
chair"
Il am" says he. gettin' fresh start.
Baron PatchOuli of Hamstadt and
Dusseldorf.
"All right" says l. take the settee.
How are all the folks at home?"
But say. there want any use tryin'
to Jolly him into maxim a short cut
of it. He'd got his route of parade all
planned out and he meant to stick by
Don't" says /. you make me feel
like I'd been translated into French and
was rUnnin' a hackline. Call it Nc
Cabe-ab-e. abe
zone Thousand pardons," says he,
and tries again. This time he gets it
almost, and | lets him spiel away. Oh,
mamma, but I wish l could say it the
way he did! 1t would let me on the
Proctor circuit, if l could. But boiled
down and SKINNED, il was all about
how I was a kind of safety-deposit
vault for everything he had to live
for.
My hopes my fortune. my happi-
ness. the very breath of my living, it
is all with you" says he as a
~.vind-up, hittin .. Caruso pose, arms
out. toes in, and his breath comm
hard.
How was that for news from home?
7 did some swift surmisin', and then I
says. sOothin' like: Yes. I know; but
don't take on about it so. They're all
Tight. just as you handed. 'em over:
aly 1 asked me friend the Sarge to
lock EN- up till you called. Wen walk
around and see the Sarge right away"
"Ah!'' says he, battin' his noble brow,
you do not comprehend. You make TO
laugh. And me. I come to you from
the adorable Sadie
"Sadie?" says I. Sadie Sullivan
that WaS?"
l we'll tellin' you about her, wasn't
1?-the girl / used to know when her
mother ran prune dispensary, ana
that married into the Dipworthy
DrOwsy Drops family just in time to
connect with a mournin' outfit and
bunch OF money that would start a
Broadway bank. Yes, that one. And
you remember how me and Pinckney
landed her in the swell push and got
her headed up Newport way?
IF you've got credentials from Sa-
die says I, its all right. Now, what's
doing? Does she want me to match
samples. or show you the sights along
Ashe White Lane?'
'-Ah, the adorable Sadie." says he,
rollin' his eyes, and puffin' out his
cheeks like he was tryin' the lung
tester. Il drive with her. I walk with
her. I sit by her side-One day, two
day. a week. Well, what happens?
am charm, / am fascinate, l am become
her slave. I make to resist. I say to
myself: You. You are of the noble
Austrian blood; the second cousin of
your mother is a grand duke; you must
not forget Then again l see Sadie.
Pouffi l have no longer pride; but
only / huff. 1t is enough. ask of her:
Madam DeepwOrth, where is the father
of you?' She say he is not. Then the
uncle of you? I demand. She say:
I'm shy on uncles.' But to who, then,
I ask, must l declare my honorable
passion Oh, she say. tell it to
Shorty McCabe' Ha! leap, l bound!
go to NJ. Pinckney. Tell me- I say,
where is TO be found one Shorty Nc
Cabe?' And he sends me to you. 1
am come"
On the level, now it went like that
Maybe I've left out some of the frills.
but that was the groundwork of his
remarks.
Yes" says l, you're a regular, come
on. / guess the adorable Sadie has
handed you josh. She ssequal to it."
But that got by him He just stood
there, teeferin' up and down on his
patent feathers. and GRIMM like a
monkey.
II say" says I, She's run you on
a sidin', dropped you down a coal-hole.
rDo you get wiser"
Did he? Not so you would notice It,
lie goes on GRIMM and teeterin', like
he was on exhibition in a museum and
/ was the audience. Then he gets &
view of himself in the glass over the
safe there, and begins to pat down his
astrakhan thatch, and punch up his
puff tie, and dust off his collar. Ever