The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1908-02-17
A STATUE OF
FEM
Whitaker Wantet a Few AIteva-
lions Z. ado

ftUu WIS kllO1htu t'Wh w w htenStt
who keeps a lager beer garden
square or two above ne. He had the
statue carted over to TIE marble yard.
where he sought an Interview with Mr..
Mix. the owner. He told Mix that he
wanted that statue fixed Gp somehow
SOS twould represent uno OF them
heather gods He had an Idea that
Mix might chip the clothes OF OF VIII
liam and put Tyre or a club IN his
hand, SOS he might pass muster as
Apollo or Hercules
But Mix said that he thought taa
difficulty would be in wrestling with
Williams hat.
1t was q marble hat, with rim BIZ
enough for race course; and Mix
said that although he didn't profess to
be much on heather mythology, as a
general thing, still it struck him that
Hercules. in broad brimmed hat,
would attract attention by his singu-
larty and might be open to criticism
Mr. Whitaker said that what he
really wanted with that statue when
he bought ii was to turn II into Venus.
and he thought perhaps the hat might
be chiseled up into some kind Of
halo around her head. s#
But Mix said that he didn't exactly
see how he could do that when the
rim was SO curly at the sides. A halo
that was curly was just no halo at
all. But, anyway, how was he go
ing to manage about Penn's waist
coat2
1t reached almost to his knees. and
to attempt TO rush out barelegged
Venus with a halo on her head and
four cubic feet of waistcoat around
her middle. would just ruin his bust
ness. 1t would make the whole hui
man race smile.
Then Whitaker said Neptune was a
god he always liked, and perhaps, Mix
could fix the tails Of Penn's coat some
how so that il would look as if the fig
IRE was riding on dolphin; then the
hat might be made to represent sea
weed and fish spear could be put
in the statues hands.
Mix, however urged that a white
marble hat of those dimensions. when
cut up into seaweed, would be more
apt to look as il Neptune was coming
home with a load of hay upon his
head; and he said that although art
had made gigantic strides during the
past century. and evidently, had a
brilliant future before 1t, 1t had not
yet discovered a method by which
shadbelly coat. with flaps to the
pockets, could be turned into any
thing that would look like dolphin.
Then Mr. Whitaker wanted to know
If Pan wasn't the god that had horns
and split boots, with shaggy look
to his legs. for IL he was, he would
be willing to have the statue made
into Pan, if ii could be done without
too much expense
And Mr.. Mix said that while moth
ing would please him more than to
produce such a figure Of Pan, and
while Williams square-toed shoes,
probably, might be made into cloyen
hoofs without very strenuous effort,
still he hardly felt as If he could fix
up those knee-breeches to resemble
shaggy legs; and as for trying TO turn
that half acre hat into pair of horns.
MIR. Whitaker might as well talk OF
emptying the Atlantic ocean through
a stomach pump,
Thereupon Mr.. Whitaker remarked
that he had concluded, on the whole.
that ii would be better to split the
patriarch up the middle and take the
two halves to make a couple of little
Cupids, which he could hang In the
bar-room with string, so that they
could appear to be sporting in air.
If Mr., Mix could put pair of wings
ON each of them. why. so much the
better; but if he couldn't, very we'll
Perhaps the flap of that hat might be
sliced up into wings, and glued on the
shoulders of the Cupids.
Bat Mr. Mix said that while nobody
would put himself out more to obIige
a friend than he would, still he must
say. if his honest opinion was asked.
that to attempt TO make Cupid out
OF Penn would be childish. because II
they used the half one way, there
WUuiu Uc d very sUldli cupid Win
very long leg; and if they used II the
other way. he would have to cut
Cupid's head out of the calf Of Viii
liam's leg. and there wasn't room
enough. let alone the fact that the
knee joint would give the god of love
the appearance OF having a broken
back As for the wings, II the man
had been born who could chisel wings
out of the flap o. a hat, all he wanted
was to meet thsS man. SOS he could
gaze on him ana study him.
So. finally, Whitaker suggested that
Mix should make the statue into an
angel and sell it for an ornament to a
tombstone.
But Mix said that IL he should I'm
suit the dead by putting up in the
cemetery an angel with a stubby nose
and a double chin. that would let him
out as a manufacturer of sepulchers.
And so Whitaker sold him the
statue for ten dollars. and Mix sawed
it ND into slabs for marble-top tables
High art doesn't seem to flourish
much in this Mace. 9