Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1908-10-23
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There are a couple of awful bores
at my club" Indeed! Who is the
other?"
! Child-Cook, come quick, the nursery's
aflrel COok-What goes on in the
nursery is no affair of mine. Tell the
governess.
Landlady-You make an awful noise
with that flute. Boarder-Well, I'm
sorry to hear it. Landlady-So's ev-
erybody else.
81 notice that you always sit at your
wife's left, Mr.. Meggs" "Yes," frank
ly replied Mr.. Meggs; that's the side
her glass eye is on
Candid Friend-You will have to
work hard to win the heiress. Impecu-
MUS One-Ill have to work a jolly
sight harder if l don't.
Poet-Well, the publishers have finally
accepted one of my poems Frank
Friend-Out of gratitude you ought
never to submit them another.
Nell-Love doesn't seem to agree
with Maude. She is thinner by twenty
pounds than she used to be. Belle
She has loved and lost, eh?-Tit-Bits.
Suppose l lend you the money you
want, how do l know that | shall ever
see 1t again?" rs the word of an hon
est man worth anything?" "Oh Of
course! Bring him to me!'
Dawson-The facial features plainly
indicate character and disposition. In
selecting your wife, were you governed
| by her chin? SpenlOw-No; but have
been ever since we married.
First Landlady-I manage to keep
my boarders longer than you do. Sec
ond Landlady-O, | don't know. You
keep them so thin that they look longer
than they really are.-Tit-Bits.
Mrs. Neybore-I bought a new piece
of music for my daughter to play, and
l think she'll master it soon She was
trying all afternoon. Miss Pepper
She was, very .-Pearsons Weekly.
Miss Richly" pleaded the kneeling
youth, tell me, is there any hope for
meT' 81 can't say" replied the poeti-
cal girl; you might consult an insanity
expert, however" Baltimore News.
The Gardener (tendering his resig>
nation) mo, sir, it's the missus I
can't abide. She's got inter the 'ablt>
| n tp1 s,l,n
you. She fergits | can leave when
wants ter. Sketch.
Barnes-I hear your house was
broken into the other night and lots Of
silver plate and jewelry stolen. Shedd
Yes; but the rascals entirely over
looked the ten tons of coal in the cell
lar.-Boston Transcript
"Ah," he sighed, Il was happier
when l was poor" We'll" they an
swered coldly, lit is always possible
for man to become poor again." But
somehow the idea did not seem to i'm
press him avorably.-Chicago Post.
Civil-service examiner (very sternly
to Erastus Smith, colored who aspires
to the office of mail carrier -"How far
is it from the earth to the moon?"
Erastus Tin turn -"Golly, boss, eff yo's
gwine ter put me on dat route don't
want de job"
paw, would it be ungrammatical to
say, I seen you when you hid $40 un-
der the bureau?" Yes. son, both un-
grammatical and dangerous. When you
are in doubt on such points always
come to me, and never go to your moth
er."-Cincinnat Tribune.
Who was the first man, Bobby she
asked. George Washington" answer
ed the young patriot, promptly. "Why,
no, Bobby it was Adam" "Oh, WELL"
said Bobby, who never fails to prove
himself right, II wasn't counting for
eigners. New York Press.
Il observe that you invariably praise
your rivals" said one actress. YES"
answered the other. ITS the wisest
thing to do. 1t sounds magnanmous
and also conveys the impression that
you do not consider them worth being
Jealous Washington Star
Gayboy-A fellow can't be too care
full about his letters to women Hen
peck-That's right. A woman got three
letters from me once that have kept
me in hot water ever since Gayboy-
You don't mean it? Henpeck-
They were Yes.-Philadelphia Press.
what a nice little boy!" said the
minister, who was making call.
won't you come and shake hands, my
son" ".Naw!' snapped the nice little
boy. "My gracious! Don't you like
mel" NAV! had ter git me hands
an face washed jist because you come"