davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04
Modern Archaeology.

Pat was having an argument with 6
friend who was well posted in ancieni
history.
How foolish Of you to contend tina
the ancient Irish were more advanced
than the ancient Egyptians" said his
fric" why. the Egyptians mus,
have ven understood electricity, as
wires corresponding to our own tele
graph wires have been found ir
Egypt"
THAT may be-" answered Pat, "bui
the fact that no wires have been found
in Ireland proves beyond a doubt thai
the Irish were in the habit Of usins
wireless telegraphy." - Philadelphia
Ledger.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04
HUMOP OF TIE HOUR


Powhatan iIu~~ils of G%raysville,
Tenn. had the misfortune to Kill one
of his neiyhbors in a hot political
quarrel, and he paid the penalty on
the gallows. The higgins family re.
moved to a distant part of the state
Twelve years later the eldest son. hav.
Ing been in the meantime graduated in
theology, was assigned to the pas
torate Of the Graysville church. Old
Major HicSleigh, the rich man of the
neighborhood. always entertained the
clergy at his bountiful board. He was
a kindly soul. though not ~Overburden.
ed with tact.
Early o the Sunday morning of the
Rev. Mr.. Higgins first service at
Graysville Mrs. Hickleigh solemnly
warned her husband.
"And above all, major" she charged
him, mo matter what happens. don't
refer to his poor father"
The major promised. Govt would
not let him leave vle porch that morn
ing. but he was anchored there in a
broad armchair. a breathing statue of
kindly, genial hospitality, when his
wife and the Rev. Mr.. Higgins ap-
preached after service.
Major" said she, 'let me introduce
our new minister. He's going to dine
with u.s."
Fright glad to see you, sir" cried
the major heartily as he wrung the
young mans hand. fright glad to
see you. l hope you'll feel right home
like in Graysville."
THANK you, major" replied the
young man. I'm sure I shall. In
deed. I am at home now. Our family
lived here when l was a boy"
"Oh, yes, l remember" the major
exclaimed. with enthusiasm still ris-
ing. II remember you as a little shaw
er. l knew your father well"-
Mrs. Hickleigh's frowns and head
shakings of protest went all UNDECIDED.
Eyes. yes; knew your father we'll"
cried the major. with ponderous cor
diality. Your family moved away.
but I knew your father we'll. Great
friend O. mine, your father. He had
some kind O trouble, I believe.
don't exactly remember-some sort o
trouble. l think they kind O hung
him or somethin'-1 don't remember
anything about it myself. "-Harper's
Weekly.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04

IN various guises as a more or less
doughty champion Of the art of swords
manship. There was a time when the
head OF the house Of Castelrane as
pfred to be a statesman. Having used
the Gould wealth to elect himself to
the chamber Of deputies, he EN-
ployed professor named Gabriel Syve-
ton ut a salary Of $4,000 a year to col
lect material for his speeches. One
day Syveton committed suicide. Count
Boni's brother Stanislaus rushed into
the Castellane dining room and shout.
ed before all the guests:
Hes dead-killed himself! There
60 my brothers brainsY'
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04
GLASS BATHING MACHINE.

system is at the same time filed with
fresh oxygen. When it is desired to
utilize the apparatus to impregnate
parts Of the body with indictments,
all parts of the body are incased ex-
cept the head and the receptacle filled
with the liquid to be applied. Air
pressure is thus forced into the recep-
tacle by the pump. which causes the
indictments contained in the liquid
to penetrate the skin.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04
THE DOUGHTY BONl.
The Count de CasteIlane and His
Prowess as a DueIist.

The Count Bonl lie Castellane, whose
affair with the Prince Helie de Sagan
has given the Paris boulevards u new
sensation, is very accommodating in
the matter of providing gossip for the
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04

from the blind member, Senator Gore
Of Oklahoma, who is thi~rty-seven.
There was talk some time ago that
William J.. Bryan of Nebraska might
remove to Oklahoma and be elected to
one Of the seats In the senate assigned
to members from the new state. He
decided not to do so, but had such an
event transpired there would now be
two senators named William j. Bryan.
The suggestion has been offered that
the next Democratic ticket might read:
For president, william J. Bryan Of
Nebraska; for vice president, William
]. Bryan Of Florida.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04
Accounts For It.

1.-THE star actress in the play was a
discovery by the manager. He found
her working in a laundry"
"That accounts for it"
Accounts for what?"
1.-THE way she mangles her part
Baltimore American.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04

Years eve orgies
that partook of the
nature of farewell
to rum" celebra-
lions.
The prominence
into which prohibit
ton has leaped as
a political issue in
the south and south
west has given spe-
cial interest to the
personality Of
Charles n. Haskell,
first governor of
the state of Okla
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04

the progress of the
armada. The COM
mander in chief of
the fleet, Rear Ad-
miral RObley d. Ev-
ans, has a son, Lieu
tenant Franck T.
Evans, on the LOU
isiana, but he leaves
at home his wife,
daughters and grand
children. Mrs. Ev-
ans Is a very retir-
Ing Oma and 1t
Is seldom that any
thing appears about
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04

she is very proud of the deeds of her
gallant husband and of the honors that
have come to him in late years. She
was Miss Charlotte Taylor, daughter
of Franci Taylor of Washington, and
was married to the admiral in 1871.
She was ut Hampton Roads to bid him
farewell on the day the Connecticut.
the admiral's flagship, and the other
vessels of the feet set sail.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04
life's SORROWS.

Bob Ito Bessie, = 1t seems rather
strange, Bessie, that when l didn't
want to kiss you you didn't mind. but
now that you are old enough to make
me want to you won't let me.-New
York Life.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04

ed so well in recon-
Cling different fac
tons and rallying
them to the support
of his ~administra-
ton of Cuban af-
fairs with a view to
the advancement of
the islands pros
perity. He is re-
garded as a second
Taft The policy the
war secretary pur-
sued so successful
ly in the Philippines
he has followed with
q similar degree Of
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04
Prejudice.

Robert, this spelling paper Is very
poor" complained the small boys
teacher. Nearly every word is mark
ed wrong"
ut wouldn't have been so bad pro
tested Robert, 'but Annie corrected
my paper, and she's mad at me. and
for every little letter that l got wron
she crossed out the whole word.'-Lip
%pincott's.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04
CATCHING the Wayfarer

Cogger-The good parson told NE !
should always be trying to lift ur m!
fellow man.
Motorwood-What did you answer:
Cogger-I told him l would put n
scoop on my automobile at the earliest
opportunity.-Chicago News.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04
A Ten Dollar One Too,

Little Bobby's Ma-Oh, John. let's
leave that big snow bank on the walk.
It'll be fine for Bobby.
Little Bobby's Pa-Yes. and it'll be
fine for me too. That's the reason
We'll move it.-Browning's.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04
The Nihhlers.

Hiram Ryetop-So the checker club
argued here on the Panama canal, hey:
How long did they argue, jeff?
The Storekeeper-Let's see. Half a
wedge of cheese, peck of prunes, pint
Of dried peaches and a pound of crack
erS,
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04

Auu
high society cir
cles. After maui
ing Prince Helie
OH the steps Of
the Church Of
St.. Pierre de
ChaillOt and
ventin & his
spleen by spit
ting In his an.
%tAgOnist's face
| when he had
him down the
count was ask
ed whether he
t b 0 u & h t the
| prince. who is his
cousin. would
challenge him to
a duel. Il think
he Is too much
OF a coward"
was the elliser-
ant reply.
Count Honi,
though by no
means the kind
Of Il man to ter
rify anybody by
his looks, has
quite IN opinion
OF his prowcss
as a duelist. He
has fought sew
eral. but they
were decidedly
Of the comic op-
era variety. The
French papers
have had much
sport with him
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04
The Qixination,

Cholly-I wondah why they call it
leap yeah?
Wally-Because it gives the deah
girls a chawnce to jump at us.-Balti-
more American.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04
Not Proud,

"You must take pride in the fact that
you r making history"
II don't know" answered Senator
Sorghum. after reading volumes de-
scribing wars and the errors of selfish
ambitions I have nearly concluded that
history is a bad job."-Washington
Star.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04
As Times Chance,

"Politics is getting to be wonderfully
interesting" said the observer.
YES" answered Senator Sorghum.
ut is mighty interesting; but. between
you and me, 1t isn't lear SO much Of an
investment as it used to be."-Washing-
ton Star.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04
Two Halves.

"Looks count a lot remarked Slopay,
"About half the good l get from dinner
is the look of things"
"All right. Mr.. Slopay," replied Mrs.
Borden. We'll Just give you two
looks in future."-kansas City Times.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04
\ Lack.

Are the preparations all made for
your husbands trial?"
Not quite" responded the prisoners
wife. 'One of my dressmakers got the
grip and disappointed me.'-Philadel-
phia Press.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04
She Was Wiuino.

"And BESIDES" concluded the young
man who was in love. II have money
to burn"
THAT being the case" rejoined the
fair maid in the parlor scene. Il am
willing to strike a match.'-St. Louis
Post Dispatch.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04
Good For Somekody Else.

Naggs-It isn't good for man to live
alone. you know.
Mrs. Naggs-Well. 1t would be a lot
better for some women II they did
Chicago News.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04
Tho Late Stayer.

Ethel-Rut, papa, l don't see W.
you should object to Percy Pink =,
Is such a retiring young MAJ
Papa-H'm. When does he retire-a,
sunrise ?-Chicago News.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04
Nothing New,

Mr. Hardapple (reading)-By heck,
Mandy, it says here that in Russia they
actually shoe the geese. Mrs. Hardap.
ph-That's nothing. Hiram. Don't we
ohoo the hens?-Chicago News,
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04
Obviously.

"If the famous Ananias club gave
social functions. I wonder what would
tatnment."
Naturally the lyre."-uouston pu.:
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04
A Real Biessinq.

BLESSINGS" remarked Mrs. Peck.
usually come to us in disguise"
THAT being the case, my dear" re-
piled her husband. Its up to you to
remove your mask."-HOuston Post.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04
Fully Occupied.

CREDITOR say, old man. why d>n't
you get out Of debit
Debtor-Haven't time. 1t keeps ME
busy getting in.-Detroit Tribune.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04
'1"'-~H
People Mentioned h the Dispatches

classes were treated with equal Ger
diality. 1t has been a matter for ma
vel that Governor MagOon has succeed
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04
Fruaality.

The %imprcSario was smiling broadly.
"You know that plan I had for putting
an opera house in each of several
cities?" he asked his friend.
Eyes"
"Well. it's fallen through. Think Of
the money l save!" And the smile still
showed a Discrimination to come off,
Philadelphia Ledger.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04
LCOHOLIC beverages were turn
ed into the streets and permit
ted to flow into the sewers in

- Oklahoma City on the v Of
the day the new prohibition law went
into effect. 1t Is related that some citi-
Gems got down on their stomachs and
by tapping it up endeavored to prevent
entire waste of the amber fluid. In
Georgia the temperance people did
some whisky bottle smashing. and, on
the other hand, in some of the com
munities where prohibition laws have
1ust gone into effect, there were New
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04

She-This wine doesn't seem to &c
to your head as quickly as it does tc
mine.
He-No. That is probably because
it has farther to 60.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04
Cutting Criticism.

Peggy-Clothes don't make the man.
do they. Sally?
Sally-No; they seem to have made
a jackass out of Jimmy.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-03-04
Whom II Benefits.

Whom It Benefits.
Finnerty (who takes a dhrop)-I see
tibet wan iv thin scientific gents says
an occasional spree is binificial fr
some min.
Mrs. Finnerty-Troth It Is. l never
yet saw a saloon kaper that didn't
wear fine clothes an a dimint ring or
two.-Puck.
The broad ax., 1908-06-13
The Panama Hat.

@The panama hat win stir be the
most correct hat for summer wear"
sid a Broadway halter. ~only fne
panamas VII be worn. though. ] am
stocking nothing under So.
'The panama WIN always be correct
because It Is at once handsome and
costly. II Is not a durable hat. 1t can
be folded like handkerchief and then
returned unharmed to its original
shape. It can't be passed through a
finger ring. It can't be used with i'm
punity as a drinking cup. pillow, q
baseball. a doormat.
'Ne, good panama must be treated
carefully. Rough handling win split
Il the same as any other straw. And
with the best Of treatment IT WIN only
last q few years.
FOR the panama is not an overdura-
bic hat We have learned that our
ideas about it IN the past were mostly
faIlacIes. "-Exchange
The broad ax., 1908-06-13
Artificial DYES

A recent investigation as to the
chemical Industries Of Germany shows
how rapidly artificial coloring agents
are taking the place OF the natural
dyes formerly used. The change Is In
dicated by the decrease Of imports of
various logwoods. Among these are
bIuewood. native to Mexico. Haiti. the
British West Indies. the Dominican Re
public and the United States; yellow
wood. which grows in Austria-Hun-
gary, Mexico and South America, and
redwood. Indigenous to British India.
the west coast OF Africa and Mexico.
For ages the Arabs have used the
redwood Of India for sandals During
the last forty years the cultivation Of
madden has become nearly extinct IN
western Europe. CochIneal has been
almost entirely driven from the mar
ket. Indigo alone holds its place
strongly. although the competition with
artificial indigo Is now very keen
Harper,s Weekly.
The broad ax., 1908-06-13
The LARGEST Moraus.

New York is to nave the largest
morgue in The world It is TO be seven
stories high and win accommodate 275
bodies Twenty enormous refrigen-
tors, costing $4,000; with plate glass
front and couches. WI hold the IN
identi6ed dead 80 that they may be
viswed. The percentage Of unknown
dead Of New York Is increasing every
year. Once Washington square was the
potter's field. The poor and unknown
dead OF half q century did not al It
II washington SQUARE was laid out IKE
q cemetery now. with every grave hav-
ing its separate plot. one years inter
ments OF the poor and unknown would
iii st. The deaths from accident. sui
eide. drowning and violence are more
than 5000 in a year.-PIttsburg Dis
patch.
The broad ax., 1908-06-13

il order 70 nzke room On the nag for
ths forty-sixih star. which must shine
fhsrs "a the Fourth a. July. the rows
wiI Be entirely rsorranged There WI
1e six rows. for c1nfalniEg eight STAN
each ana tH0 containing seven. This
lsaYes t8o vacant spaces for future
occupau1n. A change n ne Gas m
wolves en- expense % many thouszndg
81 dollars The army Hin need about
$500 rev 1afs. and TIE treasury DE-
rartnurt ull have 70 supply about 40
lor federrl 5nIdlnr1 lhro1shout re
Dnlisa States
The broad ax., 1908-06-13

The Rooslsr Muxzie.

|AaAN-ANN HMMAAa
They were ike fairy helmets Little
wire helmets no bigger than a walnut
they are rooster muzzles," said the
city farmer as be ed the way past the
pen beds on the window SINS. the no
tato Geld or the back porch ana the
nourishlng mushroom crop under the
clubhouse.
Rooster muzzlesr'
Even so Auzzles. not 20 prevent
ROSTERS from biting-for even the
gamest fowl has never been known to
snap-but to prevent them from crow
ing. See here"
They had reached the tiny chicken
run The city farmer caught rooster
and gently slipped a muzzIe over It's
fierce head.
rNow," said he, at cannot crow.
II can't wake the neighbors with its
crows at daybreak; hence, thanks to
this muzzle. It h at last possible to
keep chickens in the most crowded
city quarters.
Harrison Weir invented the rooster
muzzle. A rooster to crow, you zee.
stands erect flaps his wings. throws
back his head and opens bis beak wide.
If he can't open bis beak no crow can
come from bis little red throats-New
Orleans Times-Democrat
The broad ax., 1908-06-13
a Fsir sixsd waoer.

The biggest election bet ever knew
70 be made was a wager Of $4,000 that
George B. Mcclellan would be elected
president IN 1854" said Arthur B.
wright a veteran Chicago politician
'sThis amount was wagered by 4 well
known sporting man OF that period,
and the loss Of the sum put big crimp
"a his bank roll Looking back at the
campaign Of 1864. il seems absurd now
70 have supposed It possible for Nc
CIellan to defeat Lincoln. and jet pIen-
u Of good judges rather liked the
chances OF the Democratic candidate"
Baltimore American.
The broad ax., 1908-06-13
They Prayed Runnins.

Hurry and Ethel were crossing :
6eld on their return from Sunday
school when they encountered 3 bull-
AZ the animals approach they bed In
terror. Faster and faster they ran,
yet nearer and nearer came the bull.
~We must pray" painted Harry.
sYou do It" Ethel pleEded Wen
knee down right here
slgo; wen pray running You ought
- 90 It You're girl.
20 Lord-o Lord-I can't" sobbed
Ethel. sYou do it,
The proximity Of the bulI demanded
Immediate action. and Harry rose to
he occasion- Loudly and fervently he
prayed:
20 Lord, for what We are about to
resolve make Us truly thankful Sue
cszs Magazine
The broad ax., 1908-06-13

VISITING YOUR FRIEND.

No place Like Home After Ali, Sc q
Victim Believes.
visiting has ever been a form Of dis
comfort
Your friend, who has new home. a
iately replenished library, q unique
garden or something WHICH represents
money enough to make him vain IN its
POSSESSION, cannot rest until he has
dragged you from a happy home TO
cater 20 this feeling Of vanity.
As FOR yourself. you put 1t OF as long
a. possible. OF course you want to
60. The thought CT not having been
able TO get to see him has. you assure
him, filed You with perpetual gloom.
But circumstances over which you
have had no control have forbidden
An this you assert until the fatal mo
ment arrives when you realize that nc
further subferfuge IS possible, and,
with many prOtestatiOns Of anticipa-
tory delight. you start on.
Your friend meets yon at the station
with his auto. He explains its work.
ings, its superiority over all others. as
you proceed back. II It breaks down
on the way, as Is more than likely.
be smiles brightly. such thing has
never happened before. he knows. OF
course, what the cause was. he men
lions II carelessly. thereby implying
that II was Of 50 little consequence
that It was scarcely worth while to
avoid II.
You arrive at his house. Filled with
enthusiasm and reveIing In new. vic
I'm. be proceeds forthwith to drag you
over its weary length before you have
had time to change your shoes.
Zine room thisr' be exclaims. with
q burst Of. honest pride and 50 on.
BY and BY. when be Is getting tired.
his wife. Ike a relay pony, takes up
the lecture where be leaves or
So plastic are we that at the time by
q sort OF hctItious warmth you really
seem to be enjoying yourself
You exciaim In wonder over the fact
that you have been 80 long In getting
there And when At last. a week later.
20 reluctantly leave you tell him. with
lears In your eyes. that you had the
tine OF our life
Il Is only when once more you ind
yourself j0yfully IN your own humble
apartments. with its faithful bed.
whose very lmperfections have endear-
"a themselves TO you. that you CRY out
- deep gIadness. Thank God fits over.
for, after all. there's no place Ike
homeF-T. L Mason IN Puck
The broad ax., 1908-06-13

NR
Al pnyIn1uls % si1ck 40
courI1 nus - rrade O. ne ofdor
u 81arIe11rd II NoGeIeF,
Treasurer, ez58 HllEisd SlrsSi.
C1icaEc. limos All Sleek
iIoIt1r1 are entitled b urafar-
nnc1 a. employees ard Should
InI1T1 &c Treasures uIIh lnrIr
nnEl r1rIllnnce q ltaIr Inler-
Gers - arpI ierenrl1Irn1rE
For forIh1r inlorrafion a.
dress Lnlar1 cinnls Base BAN
ard Arr11IncrI k18n 618o
49, s. c--.-l.. ~.
The broad ax., 1908-06-13

Il saw the cutest thing today" BE-
Gan Miss Passay coyly. at was =
painting Of the-er-Vhat Is the name
u that little god that represents matri-
mouyT'
sWen. now said Mr. Timmid
-you'Ve got me"
ssoh. Mr. TlmmId. this Is 50 suddenr'
-Philadelphia Press.
The broad ax., 1908-06-13

Gunner-Hot times out &C the ball
game TIE players were slamming
halls all the afternoon
Guyer-ABd how about the bleaeheF-
Gunner-0h they were slamming me
nupire- Chicago News.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1908-08-16

In picture or in their remains down
IN the crypt great citizens of France of
most diverse opinions here are honored.
Joan of Are, the warrior-girI, and Gene
We've, who abhorred strife. might have
word of argument together There
Is Denis. having his head meeklv cut off
for his falkland Clovis. Just convert
ed 10 it, moving down with horrid
slaughter those who had not his opin-
ions; yet both were great patriotic
Frenchmen.
In the crypt Eoltaire viii wake at
midnight to tease Jean Jacques with
his biting wit. Yet both would join
with Victor Hugo to show Marshal
Lannes and Narceau that their politics
were depiorable.
The Napoleonic statesmen differ with
those of the restoration. Be sure that
Sadi Carnot Is in disagreement on a
lot Of subjects with Lazare Carnot, his
vivid grandfather Berthelot. the gem
tie thinker-who was even against WV
isection-has not much in common
with De La Tour d 'Auyergne, who
worshiped ''Gloryi"
One thing holds them all together It
is carved upon the portieo:
''To great men. the grateful Father
land! - And Emile Zola, the great
writer. who by his defense of an I'M
fairlv-tried French captain, risked his
al TO raise France IN TO the respect
of nations, has his place well earned
among them-honored in their secret
hearts by every grade of FrenchmenE