davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-02-15
Absence Of Mind.

Many amusing anecdotes are told OF
Bishop Burnet's absence of mind, but
few perhaps are more striking ana
have been less repeated than the fol-
lowing, which Lord Oxford used to re-
late:
Burnet was once dining with the
Duchess of Marlborough after the
great dukes disgrace. In the course of
conversation, speaking of Marlbor-
ough's great qualities, great services
and great fall, Burnet compared the
duke with Belisarius, the great Ro-
man.
"But how in reason" exclaimed the
duchess, "could so great general be
abandoned?"
"Ah, my lady, do you know what a
cursed birthstone Of wife he had?''
The hearers, to the good Burnet's
surprise, were confused and dumb
struck with the force Of the parallel he
discovered In the cases Of the Roman
and the Englishman.-St. James Ga
2ette
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-02-15
Some Theatrical Jokes.

In a performance of "The Lady OF
the Lake" the actor who took the part
of Roderick Dhu was known to be i'll
pecuniary difficulties. When Roderick
gave the line, Il am Roderick Dhu,'
Fitzjames responded, Eyes, and your
rents due too" On the production OF
a piece called 1.-THE Spy" the early
acts showed that it was going to prove
failure. So when at a certain point
character had to rush on and shout,
give hundred pounds for the spy!'
the author-actor, who was concealed
behind rock, arose and cried, TITS
yours = copyright, manuscript and
parts! That was the end of the per,
Torrance.
When eating takes place on the
stage, the temptations to play tricks
with the food are naturally great. II
"Henry "" the leek which that mimi
table braggart Pistol has to eat /:
usually made from an apple. But or
one occasion at Sadler's Wells the
Fluellen of the evening gave him {
real onion, and he had no choice bu
to struggle through it, though thu
tears coursed down his fat cheeks
Cornhill Magazine.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-02-15
The Count Too Touching.

In the long corridor Of an uptown no.
tel they tell Of certain foreigner who
until recently held court there Of even
ings. At last he disappeared, and then
each of the men who had nightly been
entertained by his flow Of anecdote
and his abundance Of witty stories con-
fessed that he had lent the count
various sums, ranging from 500 up.
The total seemed so formidable that q
movement was set on foot to bring the
defaulter back, his whereabouts hav-
ing been ascertained. But funds were
needed for the purpose. One Of the
big men Of Wall street who was q
creditor on the counts books to the ex-
tent Of $500 was approached for sub
scription.
mot on your lifep' said he. II don't
want him back. He'll borrow more
money from me IL he gets In town. But
Til subscribe $25 toward q fund to
send him back to France IL he'll agree
to sail from Boston" New York Globe.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-02-15
Saved His Goldfish.

When a Bavarian peasant treats him
self to new hat, he does not throw
the old hat away. He just puts the
new hat on top Of the old one. The
other day an amusing scene was wit
messed at the Munich railway station.
A peasant who had bought new hat
and a bowl containing several goldfish
found himself hustled by the crowd
surging at the entrance to one Of the
platforms. In the crush the bowl was
broken, and the fish fell out. For a
moment the peasant knew not what to
do. Suddenly he made up his mind.
He snatched his two hats from his
head, and, picking up the lively fish,
he put them inside the old hat, which
he then filled with water at the near
est water tap. Carrying the improvised
aquarium, the ingenious peasant en-.
tered his train smilingly, but very care.
fully.-Munich Cor. London Globe.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-02-15
Square Bullets.

In 1718 an Englishman, James Puc-
kle. secured British patent for what
seems to have been an attempt at a
breechloading rapid firing gun. An
original feature Of the invention was
the use Of two different breech plates,
one for square bullets, to be used
against the Turks, and the other for
round bullets. to be used against Chris
tans. It is curious to find two oppos-
ing tendencies In the same invention
first, the desire to construct gun that
should be more effective because more
destructive, and, second, a desire to
recognize certain ethical distinctions
In Its use. II round bullet was too
good for Turk, a square one was too
bad for a Christian.-London Chroni-
Gle.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-02-15
They Were Good Eaters.

One day Dl. Norman Mcleod. who
was large and healthy man, and one
Of his burly elders went to pay a visit
to certain Mrs. MacLaren Of the
congregation who lived over the Scotch
hills. She was frugal woman, but
since she knew that call from these
two meant that they would stay to
supper, too, she determined that they
, should have the best in the house. So
she piled the table with jellies and jam
and preserves and shortbread and all
the delicacies Of the season, and, the
journey having been long, they partook
unsparingly, and after the meal the
elder said to her:
Mrs. MacLaren, were you at the
kirk Sunday?"
ooh, aye" she said. 81 was.''
"And what did you think Of the
, treatment Of the miracle?' The SER
mon had been on the loaves and fishes.
81 thought it was good" said Mrs
/ MacLaren.
"And what is your idea on the sub
ject, Mrs. MacLaren?' persisted the
minister.
"Losh," said their hostess suddenly,
''Tm thinkin' that If you and the elder
had bin in the congregation there
wadna bin twelve baskets OF. frag-
ments for the disciples to gather upw
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-02-15
A GIadstone RuII.

Mr.. Gladstone dearly loved a joke,
even at his own expense, and he pos
sessed considerable mimetic powers.
He was once guilty of an amusing
bull In debate on the question Of dis
establishment. Dilating on the hold
held on the affections Of the people by
the Church Of England, he said:
when an Englishman wants to get
married, to whom does he go? To the
parish priest. When he wants his
child baptized, to whom does he go?
To the parish priest. When he wants
to get buried, to whom does he go?n
The house answered with roar Of
laughter, in which Mr.. Gladstone him
self Joined, adding, "As / was con-
rasting the English church with the
Irish, bull is perhaps excusable."
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-02-15
Gamhetta's Lost Eve.

Gambetta. the French patriot, had
but one eye. How he came to lose, the
other In childhood is told by a writer:
1T appears that Gambetta had such q
dislike to going to school that he said
to his father that unless he were takeI,
from school he would poke one Of his
eyes out. His father insisted on his re-
naming on at school, whereupon Gam
BETA did as he had threatened to do,
and on his father demonstrating with
him he said that if his father sent him
back again to school he would poke the
other eye out. Such determined
character was he that his father had
finally to give way to him"
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-02-15
Recipe For MAKING Money !,

First catch your capital however
small, or If homemade, such as from
savings, 80 much the better. Place In
a steady, secure position. where It will
not be disturbed, and allow to stand.
Skim of all that accrues without waste
and with that at the proper season
make stiff paste Of business, in
which place your capital or as much or
1t as you can use with advantage. A
little ripe judgment should be added
Season with hope and enterprise and
stir briskly with a bunch Of fresh.
energy. While your pie is cooking
watch it carefully yourself and see
that nothing goes wrong. Keep up a
good fire until 1t begins to brown and
don't take too much OFF the top for
tasting until the whole is well cooked;
then enjoy the result. London Graph
IL
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-02-15
Maintalnina Hi. Araument.

One night at Brooks when Coke was
present Fox, in allusion to something
that had been said, made very dis
paraging remark about government
powder. Adam, attorney general to
the Prince Of Wales, who heard 1t, con-
sidered 1t personal reflection and
sent Fox challenge. At the time ap-
pointed Fox went out and took his sta
ton, standing full face to his adver
sary. Fitzgerald pointed out to him
that he ought to stand sideways.
What does it matter" protested Fox.
II am as thick one way as the otherv'
The signal to fire was given. Adam
fired, but Fox did not, His seconds,
greatly excited, told him that he must
fire. "I'll be - IL I do!' said Fox.
Il have no quarrel" Whereupon the
two adyersaries advanced to shake
hands. "Adam," said Fox complacent.
", you'd have killed me IL 1t hadn't
been for the badness Of government
powder. London Bellman.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-02-15
Facing a Waterspout.

What it means to encounter a water
spout in the south seas is described by
Beatrice Grimshaw: First Of all, a
black trunk, like an elephants, began
to feel blindly about in midair. hang
ing from a cloud. It came nearer and
nearer with uncanny speed, drawing
up to itself as 1t came a colossal cone
Of turbulent sea until the two Joined
together In an enormous black pillar
some quarter Of a mile broad at the
base and probably good thousand
feet high, uniting as 1t did the clouds
and the sea below. Across the darken-
ing sea, against the threatening copper
crimson sunset, came this gigantic hor-
ror, Waiting over troughs Of torn up
water in yeritable dance Of death,
like something blind, but mad and
cruel, trying to find and shatter our
fragile little ship"
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-02-15
JUST A bum
Alleged Relative Of Goal
Oil Johnny Dies at
Grand Forks

East Grand Forks Mimi, Feb. IA. -
A thorough investigation of the case
OF John Ward, known as Goal Oil
Johnny in this locality, discloses that
he is in no way related to the no.
torious spendthrift, although it has
been reported that he had been. To
impress strangers and secure drink,
Ward, who has been a rounder for
years, used to relate mysteriously that
he had wealthy relatives. He was
never in the oil fields. He was born
in Canada and lived in Michigan be-
fore coming to this city. He died of
drink ana was penniless, friendless,
and was buried this afternoon by the
county.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-02-15
Stereotypinu.

It is claimed that stereotyping was
known in I'LL. It was practiced by
William Ged Of Edinburgh about 1870.
Some Of Ged's plates are to be seen at
the Royal Institution, London. A Mr..
James attempted to introduce Ged's
process in London in 1735, but failed.
Stereotype printing was used In Hol-
land during the last century, and a
Quarto Bible and Dutch folio Bible
were printed there. 1t was revived In
London by Wilson in 1904. Since 1850
the durability Of stereotypes has been
greatly increased by electrotyping them
with copper or silver.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-02-15
The SAUSAGE.

The sausage dates back to the year
SN. 1t has been asserted that the
Greeks in the days-of Homer manufac-
tured sausages, but this prehistoric
mixture had nothing In common with
our modern product. The ancient so
called sausage was composed Of the
same materials which enter into the
makeup Of the boudin Of the French
market and the blood pudding OF the
French Canadian. The ancient sausage
was enYeloped In the stomachs of
goats. It was not until the tenth GEN.
tury that sausage made OF hashed pork
became known. It was in or near the
year 1900 that, thanks to the introduce
ton into Germany Of cinnamon and
saffron, the sausages of Frankfort and
Strassburg acquired universal repu-
tation.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-02-15

The death Of Newton Edmunds re
moves another pioneer of the Dako
tas. He was the second governor OF
the territory of Dakota from 1858
1865 following Governor Jayne, the
first governor. appointed by Presi-
dent Lincoln, in 1861, and who is still
alive. Mr.. Edmunds came to Yankton
In 1861 and was chief clerk in the
surveyor generals Office at that time
After leaving the governorship he re-
NAMED in Yankton, where he lived
ever since. He died at the ripe old
age of 88 years Of paralysis.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-02-15
Tho Cure.

Professor w. Il. Grange, author of
the History Of Primitive Love-" al
luded in the course Of a lecture In Bos-
ton to the modern cynical view Of love
that prevails: Il remember once hear
Ing a bricklayer and plumber discuss
love. I hold said the bricklayer, that
II you are terribly in love the way to
cure yourself is to run away The
plumber shook his head and sneered.
THAT viii cure you,' he said, provided
you run away with the GIRL !"
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-02-15
He Deserved the Watch.

A little boy who had been promised
q watch In too indefinite future
showed tendency to revert to the
subject with frequency which finally
overcame the patience Of his irate ia
Their III you say watch again in my
presence I'll thrash youw was the ulti-
matum. Next morning at prayers, when
each member Of the family offered q
Bible verse, the boy demurely gave his
as he fixed his parent with his eye and
repeated, What say unto you I say
unto all, Watchr'
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-02-15
LEAP YEAR PROPOSAL.
Pretty Girl Darss East Ct. Louis
- eAllAa A.. AAl..l

Pretty Girl Dares East Ct. Louis
Comptroller to Wed.
Six pretty st. Louis girls and their
guest, q southern belle, have put
leap year proposal up to City Comp
roiler Frank b. Hanna Of East st.
Louis, a bachelor, and declare they
Will make him stand by his recent dec
laration that he will marry the first
good looking girl who proposes to
him, says a st. Louis dispatch to the
New York American.
Miss Betty Sharpe Of Norfolk.
Va, reputed to be an heiress, wrote
the letter Of proposal while visiting
Misses Blanche, Hazel and Maude
Skinner at 1928 Virginia avenue, In st
Louis.
With six other girls Miss Sharpe
drew straws to see who would storm
the heart of Comptroller Hanna. After
each had solemnly pledged herself to
abide by the result Miss Sharpe drew
the fatal straw. Belle and Dorothy
Paulis Of West Pine boulevard and
Miss Lou Jackson Of North Grand ay-
enue were with the Skinner sisters
and Miss Sharpe when the drawing
took place.
Amid many giggles and suggestions
the letter to Hanna was penned. Had
Miss Sharpe been 80 inclined she
could have added that she is a stun
ming brunette; height, Ave feet four;
weight 125 pounds. The letter was
mailed, but no answer has arrived
'This Is what man gets when he
comes into money" laughingly de-
clared Hanna the other day In discuss
ing the letter with east side friends.
mo one wanted to marry me while /
was drawing pension OF S8 month.
Now that / have $3.50 per things are
picking up. But I want to warn this
young lady that ] don't get this
months pay until Feb. is, and there
y no use talking housekeeping before
that time" Hanna Is young, and his
laugh Is the Joy Of his friends. Here
70 q verbatim copy Of Miss Shapes
letter: ~.
Frank B. Hanna:
Dear Sir Owing to the fact that this
fs leap year. do not think YOU WIN con-
nder II improper cor me to send my ap-
pucetion for your hand. heard you
would accept the frst proposal OF mar
rage. but do not wish this to be treated
&c Joke. Bachelor life must be very
lonely. Let u show the people that our
hearts are IN the rioht place. You van
not flnd Q girl any better than me, Hop
ing this VIII meet with your approval. ii
remain, - ever, the Same
BETTY SHARPE.
e14 Virginia avenue.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-02-15
MANAGING TIMBER LANDS.
Cooperative Work In Which National
Forest Service Is Engaged.

Cooperative Work In Which National
Forest Service Is Engaged.
That Uncle Sam believes thoroughly
In the conservative management of
timber lands is shown by the fact that
he is practicing forestry on lands other
than those contained in the national
forests in the west.
Besides cooperating with private
owners Of woodland in assisting them
to apply conservative management and
with various states in a study Of their
forest conditions, the United States
forest service co-operates also with
the other branches of the federal gov
eminent. Chief among these branches
Is the war department. The military
reservations which SO far have been
examined and reported upon are those
at West Point, N. Y; Fort Wingate,
N. M; the Rock Island arsenal in I'LL
nois and the Picatinny arsenal in New
Jersey. At West Point the forest con-
sists Of second growth hard woods and
for some time has in part supplied the
post with cord wood, lumber. hurdle
poles, tanbark and other forest prod
ucts. The forest service made work
ing plan for this forest in 1908, and
since then cutting has been along con-
servative lines with q view Of per-
petuating the forest and at the same
time supplying the post with a definite
amount Of wood each year. Similar
plans are In preparation for the for
ests Of Rock Island and Picatinny
arsenals.
BY Tar the largest piece Of co-opera-
tive work in which the service is now
engaged is that at Fort Wingate, N.
NJ, where, under the supervision of
forest officers, the war department is
selling 100000 feet Of western yell
low pine. This timber lies In the south
east corner Of reservation Of 100
square miles, is inaccessible to the post
and was consequently offered for sale.
The top market price is being obtained
for it. and 1t is being cut under rigid
contract according to forestry princi-
pies. Under this contract no trees I'M
der sixteen inches in diameter can be
cut except those which are dead or de-
fective and those whose removal will
benefit the forest, and no tree can be
cut unless marked by forest officer.
Two trees sixteen inches or over In
diameter are left per acre when need
ed for seed, stumps must not exceed
eighteen inches In height, and all mer-
charitable timber, both standing and
down, as indicated by the forest OFF,
Ger, must be removed. Failure to re-
move any timber SO indicated and the
intentional cutting Of unmarked trees
are penalized by a stumpage charge
Of double the contract price.
All brush is being piled and burned,
and thus the danger Of fire Is consid-
erably lessened. The sale was start
ed last summer, and 1t Is expect
ed to continue through period Of
Ave years, with cut Of 5000 900 feet
q year. Already about 1000, 600 feet
have been marked for cutting by for
est officer. The sale Is progressing
without friction between buyer and
seller, and from the start a forest Of
ficer has been continuously on hand to
look out for Uncle Sam.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-02-15
A Wonn.n,s F.e..

No words can express the almost d.
vine love and tenderness and the per-
feet trust and happiness Of that girl
wife's face as she looked into the eyes
Of her husband and smiled. Other
holiday Impressions may grow dim and
fade away, but that sweet woman's
face remains stamped on my memory
forever.-Wynne in London Reader.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-02-15
His Punishment.

1t was beginning to rain, and a man
who was on the point Of starting for
church discovered that there wasn't an
umbrella In the house fit for use.
"You can borrow one from the It's
next door," suggested his better half.
eThey never go to church"
mo, Laura" he answered with firm
ness. 1T is wrong to borrow umbrel-
las on Sunday. I shall punish myself
for my carelessness by not going to
church this morning."
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-02-15
A Very Mad pou,

A little girl came running to tell
about mad dog she had seen. 1--WE
saw mad dogp' she gasped, but the
words seemed too tame to do justice to
the situation. .'Oh, he was mad, madw
she added, frowning and pumping her
fists. He was furiousr' -Harper's
Weekly.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-02-15
Man and q Carpet.

Clara-IH give you a conundrum.
Why is man like carpet? Toni
give 1t up. Clara-Well, he's no sooner
down than people walk all over him.
Tom-Oh, pshaw! Man Is totally un-
like carpet, for the more dust he has
the less likely he is to get the shake
Illustrated Bits.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-02-15
UnarannaticsI Ju.tiea.

"Prisoner at the bar" said the mag
istrate, "for the crime of overspeeding
you will pay a fine of $40 or be took to
jail for ten days"
That's not correct sentence" naur-
INJURED the prisoner. Philadelphia
Ledger.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-02-15
A Th;nk;na psrt.

The Old One In adopting . theat-
rical career you are entering q touchyI
and jealous profession. Keep guard
over your tongue The New One oh,
I've found out that I'll have ample OPP
portunity to think before speak,
Puck.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-02-15
Short and Out.

snort ana OUT
where Is Mr.. Middleman7" asked
the caller at the brokers office.
Il think he's out on a little matter
Of wheat" replied the bright clerk.
"Out longf"
Certainly not. II he had been long,
he would have been In. It's because
be was short that he's out. -Philadsl.
phfa Press. 5,
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-02-15
a Yleious pia.

Patty--I always think Of all the nm
kind things have said during the day
before fall asleep at night. Patricia
Dear mel Do you stay awake as
long as that2
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-02-15
Rsbuked.

"Yaas," said Cholly silley, ''she was
out when called, but / hope for bet
tah luck next time" a8
How ungallant Of your exclaimed
Miss Knox. "You should wish her the
good luck."-Exchange.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-02-15
chen,loa

In Prestbury churchyard, near Mao
clesaeld. England, may be found the
following epitaph on q chemist:
Willie's dead-we're fun OF WOE
Wen never zee him more.
He thought to drink Of HaO,
Twas Hs6Os
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1908-02-15
Wbaf Cbep Say

E. R. Steinbruck, Mandan: A mat
ter of minor Importance may be
touched in propagating the Missouri
River Improvement. Of minor i'm
portance! No, gentlemen, not so,
but of an Importance that should be
at heart of every citizen of our great
state of North Dakota. When people
from the eastern cities come to Bis
marck they say ooh, this is nice
little town" In fact they should adj
nit that Bismarck is the greatest
city in the state. Bismarck is the
capital city Of the state and it
should be the pride of every Dakotan,
to aid in making it the greatest city
in the state. The Improvement of
the Missouri will be one of the most
powerful factors in accomplishing
that aim. We will have a wagon
bridge and both cities Bismarck
and Mandan-will spread toward the
river; will join hands and become the
great Twin Cities of our state, RI
walls to st. Paul and Minneapolis.
Secretary: Members Of the Nord.
Iley's are requested to meet tonight
when important business will be
transacted.
Secretary Charles Hanson: Grand
Master H. D. Mack of LaMoure, is in
the city and will visit the Odd Fellows
lodge at the meeting tonight, and all
Odd Fellows are urged to be present
The Rebekahs are invited to meet II
joint session with the brothers after
the former have held their meeting
i E. H. Wilson: Thanks to the eff
forts of the Tribune / have recovered
the much wanted watch which ] los
some time ago. It fell into the hand.
of honest persons but not those who
knew what to do in the case. The
lady who called on the Tribune with
a statement about lost watch which
had been found had nothing to d.
i with my timepiece and must have
found another watch. Whose it it.