The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1908-04-19

haunted room?' the Englishman storm
ed.
"'But the old fellow is quite harm
less said the landlord reassuringly.
1.-The old fellow?
yes said the landlord. The ghost.
The old fellow who built up the bust
ness. He built it up, you know, and
died, and now he can't rest easy be-
cause it goes on as well as ever 1t
did without him."
Explorer Peary had just come from
the White House.
"You will get there yet" an admirer
said to him. you become better and
better explorer every trip"
WELL" said the other, with modest
SMILE there are tricks in every trade,
of course. and as we live we learn.
1.-THE longer we live, the more we
learn said he. 81 knew an old grocer
in Cresson who had learned a lot. I
stopped before his shop one day and
| looked curiously at a great line of bar
rels, barrels of apples, some marked
with an A and some marked with a q.
"'Why are these barrels marked diff
ferently, Uncle Josh?' I said to the
old man: They seem to be the same
kind of apples
They is the same kind, son. the
old man replied, but some customers
want a barrel opened at the top and
some at the bottom
eve should give these men the treat
ment they give u.s." said Mrs. Boor-
man Wells, the English suffragette, at
ladies luncheon at the Plaza.
"I know a woman in Park Lane
whose husband used to stay out con-
tinually till 4 or o'clock in the morn
ing.
'..she cured him.
1.-The last time he came home at
dawn, he found her, in Iow-cut din
ner gown, yawning over a novel and a
cup of tea.
didn't-er-suppose you'd sit up
for me, DEAR he said.
oh, said she, I haven't been sit
ting up for you, darling. I've just come
in myself
Mrs. Patrick Campbell, the talented
English actress, said the other day of
an English critic whose methods she
dislikes:
''The man is not a critic at all. He
has not enough intelligence to be a
incident will supply my smile. I
On one of my voyages to the states
the weather was extremely rough. AS
I lay in my berth my luggage and the
fittings of my stateroom were flung
about horribly. All Of a sudden there
came an extra heavy lurch, and some
thing struck me on the head.
L was stunned. The blow had been |
severe. When I recovered my senses
and looked to see what had so nearly |
done for me, I beheld an admirable con- |
trivance marked. in great black letters,
Life Saving Apparatus
Mark Twain, at the remarkably beau
tiful dinner that Robert Collier gave
at Sherry's in New York last month,
sat beside Miss Ethel Barrymore.
Miss Barrymore, the story goes, talk
ed to the great humorist about mar
riage. She spoke of the odd views on
marriage that are held by H. G. Wells,
by George Moore, by George Meredith,
and by Mr. Howells, who is continually
saying that passionate love soon dies
What is your idea of marriage?"
she asked the humorist.
Let me repeat to you," he replied, "a
remark that L heard Hartford man
once make.
ut was at the marriage of this mans
daughter. All was over, and the young
couple were about to start on their
honeymoon.
The man, as he bade his new SON
in-law goodby, shook him by the hand
and said huskily:
It's twenty-five years since L was
fixed up, Bill. my boy. and trust
you'll-well, of course, the rough goes
with the smooth
Senator Depew, at reception in
Washington. was discussing an error
that had been made in the first ar
engagements of the New York-Paris au-
tomobile race.
The error was ultimately corr
rected," he said, "and while it lasted
1t did no harm, any way. It was fun
ny, though. 1t was like an error that
once occurred on the New York Cen
trail.
1t seems that at small station a !
ticket agent had run short of tickets,
and was obliged to give a party of
hshermen halves instead of whoIes
Full fare was paid for these half
tickets and the agent went out on the
platform when the train stopped and
explained the matter to the conductor,
SO that everything should be all right
THE conductor had almost forgotten
this occurrence when, some ten miles
further on, the front brakeman came
to him and said in a tone Of bitter
disgust: i