davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1908-04-19
Gossip of The Railwaymen

at am without doubt the smartest
criminal lawyer in the United States"
observed Judge D. w. Burchard, the
late Abraham Ruef's candidate for. SUI
perior Judge, as he was seated IN the
smoking car of the Goldfeld express.
"The police department thinks 1t
knows 1t ALL" and he cast contemptu-
Gus look at Captain John Seymour.
"You can't hurt my feelings, re-
piled Seymour; 2" am no longer in the
department
THAT don't matter" continued the
great jurist. Many and many a crook
I have turned loose. and just did up
the police department / don't mind
saving that have assisted more men
to escape the penitentiary than any
four lawyers in the country. That is
because I know law"
Next morning the brakeman. who had
overheard the Grafton, remarked to
Captain Seymour
.eYour fat friend lost his trousers last
night and $40. Some fellow stole his
pants and he can't get Ap because he
has nothing to wear
Judge Burchard vainly tried to Dor
row a pair of pantaloons from his fell
low travellers, but was told to be pa
tient and stay in bed till Truckee was
reached. as the conductor nad taken up
a subscription and would get him a
pair of overalls.
BE sure and get them large
pleaded the eminent expounder of the
law
The conductor executed his promise.
He purchased blue striped overalls, the
largest in stock. which. however, were
tight across the waist, several inches
short and buttoned high, with bands
over the shoulders.
'Burchard," exclaimed Seymour when
the unfortunate Scion burst forth from
between the curtains of his berth, you
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1908-04-19
THE REPENTANCE OF SMITH

THE Bakersfield Echo, Representative Smiths personal
organ, his defense against the structures printed
these columns criticism OF his attitude in relation
policy concerning forest and
rights The first line of defense be that Mr.
Edward White who described the operations of the timber
thieves "a writer of fiction the inference being that
therefore, untrustworhy. The
Call cared indulge that style OF might say that
Mr. Smith doing small politics and is therefore, unustworthy
but nothing will be settled by personalities Let state Mr.
Smiths position the words of his chosen mouthpece:
There been fight legitimate forestry work. but OBJ
wholly for which created and
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1908-04-19
The Converted Barber
The strange metamorphosis worked by an
unexpected pair of nautical trousers
BY Edward r. Cahiil

case Of James Wman barber Sunday morning
of San Francisco dressed in navy
clothes Mr.
sailor the legs of his unexpected trousers had
made him another When he insisted that he was not der from the
nobody would believe him Did he the name OF his ship
the his cap? Wyman might
been raised dignity of another American Dreyu had not kind
DIMENSIONS his and
policeman make barber of
sailor.
oNIeara-devl spoiled
island which time he might have escaped ike
goes sleep
Chinaman admiral 1t is on the road to Mandalay
Mckinley couple
roong the Van Ness beachers like brace
navy copied
British admiral the Mckinley this of whom
adming fellow said
'FIe made all the Americans look like 80 cents"
British admiral gold lace,
back front and sides Ours are gded only front We have not the
admrals unhappy and defenseless
admiral would
object with Mr. FHcher's celebrated
men of dis
Of merchant
taors in New York the statesmen whom country
made the subject of criticism because OF their sartOr slouen
Opinions needed reforms dress
thus summarized
skin tight Absolutely no outside pockets
tie and adopt at once
hand Trousers close fitting as possible without suggesting
cut paon
should be 'eDss and
well Oesd and reach four inches
Husnss-should typical
with two inch stripe
inclined be loose wing collar
and
at
double
single fitting
ldmaket the
Ardleigh, delegate reported
Washington and he added
overal
hada all d to keepm chalk n pocket"
Proceeding wi Mr. Ardleigh said:
His clothes have the mo
'front.' mil o
should avoid the
His gith makes belt
5 concerned
elooks blu HI
to
in full he
Ing rom a
Mr. Lionel Creamer announced
de6anty
something
yandind independently Amercanor nothing"
said 1t declaration of indie
death
bare legs"
Ask the converted barber
nothing but the Of
rolling
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1908-04-19

BOER WAR-Subscriber, City. How
long did the Boer-British war last?
October II. 1899, to May 81, 1902
Connecticut western news., 1908-10-01
1t Was Ordered.

In the biography of Prince Bismarck it is said that when he vas minister at St. Petersburg he was walking oIe morning in the summer garden and met the czar. who invited him to join him.
 Presently Bismarck noticed q sentry stationed in the middle of large grass plot and asked the aid-de-camp why. who in turn inquired of the sen try.
 Tt is ordered" was the sentry's brief reply.
 Every official gave the same answer. '1t is ordered" but nobody knew by whom A sentry had always stood guard in the middle of that innocent grass plot The archives were search ed, but in vain. At last an aged official was found who had been told by his father that the Empress Catherine had once seen a snowdrop ready to bloom Tn the spct and hGd ordered q sentry t0 stand guard and allow no one to pluck it. For more than a century the watcis had been maintained because it was ordered" and no one had ever thought of Gisobeying the order or of. question: ing the reason why the order had been issued?
Connecticut western news., 1908-10-01
His Journeys End.

One cold wintry morning a man of tall and angular build was walking down steep hill at quick pace. A treacherous piece of Ice under the snow caused him to lose control of his feet. He began to slide and was un- able to stop.
 At a cross street halfway down the decline he encountered a large, heavy woman, with her arms full of bundles The meeting was sudden, and before either realized 1t a collision ensued, and both were sliding downhill a grand ensemble-the thin man under meath, the fat woman and bundles on top. When the bottom was reached and the woman was trying In vain to recover her breath and her feet these faint words were borne to her car:
 Pardon me, madam, but you wiH have to get of here. T!:i5 Is as far as I go."-Ladjes' Home Journal.
Connecticut western news., 1908-10-01
Naval Academy Class Rines.

A naval officer and a friend were strolling down Broadway one after noon recently. The former glanced in at pawnshop window and suddenly stopped 'Heilor' he exclaimed. ''There is a Naval academy class ring" He went into the shop and asked to sec the ring There could be no doubt about At, it was a ring belonging to a member of a class which graduated some years ago. The officer bought the ring and put it in his pocket.
 ''Why, what can you want with that rlng?' asked his friend. "Is the own CT particular friend of yours?"
 The officer said he was not and then explained that it had always been a custom of the naval service for any naval officer to redeem a Naval acade- my class ring whenever he saw one and send 1t back to Its owner, who, of course, makes good the loan at his earliest convenience.
 ''That is why" said the officer srlil- ingly, 'pawnshop keepers are always anxious to lend money on our class rings, and that is also one reason why a naval officer will never pawn his class ring until worse comes to the worst. ."-New York Tribune.
Connecticut western news., 1908-10-01
Murdered by q Statue.

The death of Zenith, the half myth ical king of Scotland, was one of the most curious and remarkable in his tory, if it may be called historical fact. It seems that Zenith had slain Cruthlintus, son, and Malcolm Duff fus, the king and brother of Fennella. She, to be revenged, caused Wiltus, tue most ingenious artist of the time, to fashion a statue filled with automatic springs and levers. Finished and set up this brazen image was an admirable work of art. In Its right hand Wiltua placed a ewer and in the left an apple Of pure gold finely set with diamonds and other precious stones. To touch this apple was to court death. It was so arranged that any one guilty of such vandalism would be Immediately rid dled with arrows shot from loop holes in the statutes body. Zenith was invited to see the wonder and. kinglike (and just as Fennella hoped), tried to pluck the imitation fruit. He was instantly riddled with poisoned ar rows, dying where he fell.
Connecticut western news., 1908-10-01
OLD RED COW WON BALL GAME
 [Continued from page II

that went up from tn crowd. Nothin' before or since. Tn old COW was worse scared than ever, turned and ran out into centre field and begun to below. McFadden says she was cheertn' fir tn home team and mebbe she was.
 Tn Raffertys set up a kick and claimed tn run because I hadn't t'run tn ball. They claimed there wuz no rule that said a lad could bring the ball in on horse back or COW back. Tn empire said there wuz no rule that sed he couldn't, neither, so tn decision stood.
 Tine next batter famed the air makin' three out. Two iv our lads knocked flies in our half iv tn innin' and with two out I picked up me stick and walked to tn plate, I swiped at it twice and it begun to look like another innin'. Then I saw one comin' that looked good, made pass at 1t sent it sailin' out over centre field. I made the circuit and JuSe l eh Auh AN VII bhihB lau way round agin before tn ball got back to tn diamond. Tn rag was ours.
 When the score come out i'll tn paper that week, was credited with a put out fir catchin' tn fly and tn COW with an assist.
 When tn COW was butchered fir beef, the lads bought tn hide, stuffed it and at every game tn club played tn next year, we brought her out and set her down by the bottom iv tn pole that held tn pennant she helped us to win.
Connecticut western news., 1908-10-01
MODERN IMPLEMENTS.
Make 1t Possible For the Farmer to
 Dispenoe With Extra Help.


 The scarcity of help on farms may ultimately drive landowners to greater economy and to more general use of devices and conveniences which light en the work. It is surprising how many aim to get along by muscle power alone, never trying any other method, which might save half their work.
 An old farmer says that his neigh bors called htm la2y when he first brought a hay loader on his farm, and when he rigged up cable and used a trip hay fork to unload his hay he had crowd of neighbors around him, "just to see how 1t worked"
 The economical and up to date farm CT counts all of these labor savers just that much of his equipment, and it is only by using them that he Is enabled to meet present conditions. The walk ing stirring blow and walking culti- vators are back numbers. Now the sulky or gang blow Is used, and three big. lusty horses will turn over three or four acres a day.
 A manufacturer has got out rotary harrow, which is attached to the blow, and the land is turned and narrowed at one operation. If any man is Justi- fled in venturing money it Is the farm CT when he invests 1t ii up to date tools and implements for more rapid and better work on the farm.
Connecticut western news., 1908-10-01
Mister and Master.

Formerly tho term master" was a markedly respectful form of address Now in the form mister it has be come common property, while master" itself has become confined to boys. However, the fall of master" has not been so great as is that of the French monsieur" At one time even u saint was spoken of as Monsieur St. Jean. ' Under the early VaIois the king was monsieur" in public documents. an6 later it became the title of the king younger brother. Nowadays M" is merely on level with Mr."
 To Save Stirring.
 Most people understand that the plac- ing of marble in a kettle prevents furring, but few seem to know that q large clean marble boiled in milk, DOT ridge, custards, sauces or stews will automatically do the stirring as the liquid cooks. Any chance of burning will be prevented, and thus the fatigue of constantly stirring and the cook s time can be saved, as by this means the cook can be. attending to several things at once instead of having to give her whole time and attention to one.- London Lady.
Connecticut western news., 1908-10-01
MAN WHO IMPOSED 5-CENT FINE

TContinued from page l. Lakeville, Conn. also a member of Geo. B. Shaw lodge No. 57 K. of P. of Stony Creek, Conn. In politics he Is repub- Ican, without political separations, He is interested in town affairs to the ex- tent of making Falls Village oue of the best places to live i'll 12 months of the year.
 He was chosen Justice of the Peace recently by his townsmen and gained considerable notoriety by imposing a fve-cent fine upon sa man who was arrested for trespass, and by being one of two justices in the town to offer to perform the first marriage ceremony free of charge.
Connecticut western news., 1908-10-01
Wind EresS.Il=

-& wind tra> cling ut t..e rate Of thre% niles an L>>,:r presses with weight of ahoUt t!lrce-Cy;,;:'ttcrs of an ounce U0o1 eyerT square foot of surface which stands In its way. A wind of eighteen niles an hour gives a pres sure Of one pound and |; cuarter to each square foot. wind of thfrty-five miles an hour gives q pressure of six pounds on the square foot, a gale of fifty miles an hour thirteen pounds, a storm of seventy-five miles twenty eight pounds and hurricane of nine ty miles forty pounds on the square foot
Connecticut western news., 1908-10-01
Could Not Explain.

"Look hyuh," said Nose, reading from the newspaper. Tn New York dey's putin up thirty story buildin an dey's baginnin' at the fifteenth story am workin' up an downr'
 What keep de middle 'spended iz de air while dey's wo'kin' up ar down?" demanded his wife suspicious ly.
 "Ah-Ah didn't fink bout Gat:"' re turned Nose, with widening eyes "&nyhoW. dats whar Ge brain ub q. c'ntracto2 come in. No niggahs liz; you or ne am pow'ful 'nough f splat1 dat!'-Town and Country.
Connecticut western news., 1908-10-01
E. P. Hunt & Co.'s Store

It is impossible to detail in any twent and describe the many good things we've prepared ping home. If you should happen to come to the f; make this store your first stopping place, leave yo postal cards and make yourself at home.
Connecticut western news., 1908-10-01

In Event Mo- IA, open all Gasoline Cars with Piston Area 6 square nches under 90 STEVENS LIGHT SIX in the remarkably time of defeat ing the nearest contestant by 25 seconds.
 Event No. 16 would have unquesionably been a most decisive Stevens Duryea Victory it the accident which prevented this from finishing. The STEVENS DRYE BIG SIX going many seconds faster than any in any event when smashup occurred This all witnesses will confirm
 Event Mo- 17 won by STEVENS DURYEA LIGHT SIX in 1.22 defeating nearest competitor by wide margin.
Connecticut western news., 1908-10-01
FALL SUITS

and
  plenty either SILK WOOLEN COTTON
Connecticut western news., 1908-10-01

OCpIcH1UCT TUT
 STEVENS DURYEA BIG SIX made the fastest time of the day for Gasoline Stock Cars. Time 1.09 45.
 STEVENS DURYEA LIGHT SIX first prize in Event Mo- to all Gasoline Cars from 24 to 40 Horse Power Time 1. .22 35.
 STEVENS DURYEA LIGHT SIX travelled in 23 2-5 time Event Mo- 1O all Gasoline Cars selling from $3 900 $4 GOO. BENJAMIN, Agent, :=:
The Grenada sentinel. [volume] (Grenada, Miss.) 1868-1955, 1908-09-12

court. This lone he issued notice that
parliament, representing the people.
would be held in the fall.
He had to issue the notice himself,
for the former power behind the
throne-Achmed Izzet Pasha, his sec
retary-Smelling the trouble by a far
better method than that which the
a%strologer possessed, skipped the coun-
try and a few days later was reported
in the United States.
Then in view of the new order OF
things within his realm, Abdul II de.
cided to call home his ambassadors
at foreign capitals. Hence not long
ago we read in press dispatches that
Mehmed Ali Bey had been recalled
from Washington and a successor ap-
pointed. The Turk recalled from the
national capital is no other than the
father Of the missing secretary, and
as a consequence it was expected
that the pair would connive together
as to the best mode of procedure in
the present case, for both might be
made a part of the consignment Of
corpses which the sultan had billed
for the mOrgue on New Years day.
Thus by the foregoing will be seen
that things are in a bad way in Turkey,
The Grenada sentinel. [volume] (Grenada, Miss.) 1868-1955, 1908-09-12

Previously everything had looked
splendid to the monarch. The Young
Turks had not objected to his .harem
until Huda got in bad with the planets
and many of that party. had promised
to leave the country rather than be
called to purgatory by decapitation.
AS each step in this fearful condi-
ton of things came to his mind his
royal highness decided that it looked
darker for Abdul Huda's head and also
rather dark for Abdul Seconds safety,
the latter being the sultan himself.
There was no one else to blame it
on except the %astrologer. Had not his
plea of sickness when other nations
pressed him for the return of their
loans, always been sufficient to quell
them? 1t had, and he could see no
other reason for the status than by re-
turning to his original reason.
If things went wrong in this man
ner Huda must have been in league
with the palace camarilla.
A double tap at a secret bell, an
order shouted down the speaking tube
and the officials of the palace camaril-
la were pinched.
This retinue included Ria Pasha,
the former minister of war, and Rag
bib Pasha, one of the justly exalted
and highly honored court chamber
lains. Because he. considered the dig
nifty Of his position Raghib b%arricaded
himself within his cyclone cellar a
Few plazas from the royal mansion
and prepared to sell his life as dearly
as possible. He opened fire on the
police, but his ammunition soon gave
out and the minions of the law es-
corted him into the royal presence,
who melted out 80 days and costs in
the royal dungeon.
Because the court soothsayer's re-
port had been doctored, the sultan set
about to, corral the entire body of
hangers-on, who daily loafed about the
The Grenada sentinel. [volume] (Grenada, Miss.) 1868-1955, 1908-09-12

augured we'll for friends of the sultan
Surely, then, there was no cause fol
trouble, the ruler s~oliloquized to him
self. He paused and %pondered and
then lit up with a new kind OF to
bacco. ./ f'
Fifteen minutes elapsed.
"Ha, l see it ALL" he whispered to
the royal fox terrier. '|Huda's in bad
with the stars"
Then in a loud voice:
Corporal of the imperial guard,
'front.'"
In came the trusty band, weapons in
hand ttf.t.. .tt.Ht.. &C.
Hunt up Abdul Huda, royal astrolo-
ger, and bring him hence" ordered his
majesty.
Within a few minutes, Huda, his
trunk packed for his vacation, was
ushered into the regal presence, we'll
knowing that the signs had been
switched under his eyes.
"Off with his head" shouted the
sultan, rising from the divan. i
Fifteen brown fOrearms pulled Is
shining sabers and were ready to de-
liver the fatal stroke with the same
regularity that governs up-to-date mel
Odrama.
{ "stay, slaves" quoth his highness,
81 would fain give him a wors pun
ishment before / am ready to deprive
him of ~what little gray matter there
may be beneath that bald pate. To
the dungeon with him." t/.
The days routine over, the sultan
re-seated himself upon the divan and
thought of what had best be done.
Finally he decided that there cold
be no place just like Jail as a punish
ment, and so Huda remained there.
However, the story goes, the former
student of the stars will offer up his
head niNew Years day as, his sacri-
flee for getting into the evil graces
of the stars.
The Grenada sentinel. [volume] (Grenada, Miss.) 1868-1955, 1908-09-12

for by Lord High Guardian of His Maj
5esty's Wearing Apparel Mafd Mo-
BANNED, who whispered the words
across the plaza to a tall blonde lady
who was interested in stars before
they thrust Huda into Jail.
1t all came about in this manner:
At a recent star chamber session
between his majesty and the court
astrOloger, Huda informed the sultan
that as: far as he could discern by
daylight the orbs of the universe we're
In their correct positions, thus lending
security to the monarch. f..4
A few days later the Young Turks
s. arted revolution. 49, 1859 -i-t
A few days after that the sultan was
compelled to proclaim that the equal
rights constitution of 1876 would again
b. in force. This he did with n
The Grenada sentinel. [volume] (Grenada, Miss.) 1868-1955, 1908-09-12

eye pinned upon the threat that the
contents.
Then he fired the cabinet.
And appointed a new one.
f Finally a minor palace official at
tempted to locate his majesty's vitals
between the ruf1es of the latter's coat
of mail.
Each day as his majesty smoked his
long pipe, dismissed these disturbances
by a new shifting motion, the impress
sion began to gain strength with him
that all was not serene.
The use of the word serene. in his
thoughts Immediately recalled the star
predictions of Abdul Huda, but then
no better star-gazer wassto be found
In the empire, for had not the imperial
guardian of the Turkish empire tested
him many times and found that Alb
dul's predictions were always. true?
He had. !
Then mentally the sultan went over
what his astrologer had told him only
i1Ao fAiuoy pl~NfooS.f -IJGIDINJII 4
Mars, the star which p%ortended for
war, was gradually fading away, and
Huda had also said that within a few
weeks there would probably be no
Mars. E1 ta''HHH
The big dipper, suggestive Of the
horn of plenty, was brighter than ever.
1t was true, for had not Huda in all
his wise raving said it?
Mercury, the swift one, whose ex-
istence was a memory Of work, was
soon to GO into a perpetual total
eclipse, so had Abdul said.
Huda's inside reasoning had also de-
picted the eventual union between
Iuniter and Venus. which. OF course.
The Grenada sentinel. [volume] (Grenada, Miss.) 1868-1955, 1908-09-12

co u r A S
TROLOGER ABB
Dull HUDA'S
New Years Of
fering to the
sultan Of Tur-
key will be the
formers head.
This is the
latest bit of
wireless news
from the i'm
perial palace at
c o n s~tantinople,
o.I ~ - uornhnH
The Grenada sentinel. [volume] (Grenada, Miss.) 1868-1955, 1908-09-12

and despite the fact that they cheer
the sultan outside of the palace until
he has to empty the court water pitch
er upon them so that he may sleep in
peace, many of the tall Turkish minds
have announced that they ARE going
away from here, never again to re-
turn"
And the cause of all this trouble, &C,
cording to those who sympathize with
his majesty, is non other than Huda
himself. g.: ..1 ,t.ssl t.-..< s... 81.
b" Therefore he is pining away the
idle hours in the jail's solitary con
finement pen, playing solitaire with
the covers from Turkish cigarette
boxes, which the guard shoves to-
ward him with his mama and water
twice a day. The only solace. which
he had on first entering the Jail Was
that within two months he would have
a full pack of cards for they furnished
him a box of cigarettes with each
meal. That is, his friends did. For
they provide his Injuries, while the
actual bodily necessities are given Dy
the ruler himself. '
However, let it be said that the as
trologer does not know of his fate, and
he probably will not until the time
comes for him to be led out to sac.
rifice his STARTLED Uranium to the
art which he has studied throughout
his 49, years.
AS Turks go he is a young man still,
and being unmarried there probably
will be few who mourn him. His only
acquaintances were court officials, and
they had little love for him for the
reason that he would at every oppor,
tunity take their predictions from
their mouths and turning them into
magic Turkish words return them ia
the sultan as sayings from the Zodiac