davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1908-01-04
Savaoe Sense of Humor.

Lecturing on New Guinea. A. H. Cunning said he once offered a native some smelling salts. After going through extraordinary contortions the native went away. returning soon with another native. whom he compelled to make acquaintance with the salts. The two brought third, and so on until the whole village had been victimized. The savages watched each new suffer- CT with the keenest delight and took good care not to let him know what fate awaited him.-London Standard.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1908-01-04
MOVING PICTURES.

At the motion picture exhibitions which will be given at Polrs to-mor- row afternoon and evening, the fa- nous drama, "The Two Orphans will be shown. Every scene in the drama will be shown. There will be several other big features and num- Der of new illustrated songs will be introduced by we'll known vocalist. Prices. 15 and 2J cents.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1908-01-04
- ' --'--'---s Her Poor MnnorN.

A woman who belonged to an ancient but penniless family married a rich plebeian, but she never forgot the mis- alliance nor allowed any one else to do so. One day, attended by servant, she went into a store and gave an or der.
 And where shall send it, madam? said the shopkeeper.
 "Jean." said the woman, turning to her servant. tell the man your mas ter's name. I never can remember it."
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1908-01-04
The Raason of It.

What do you think. George" began Mrs. Stiles. "I dreamed last night that I was in a box party at the opera and'-
 "Ah," exclaimed her husband, that explains why you were talking so loud in your sleep. Press.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1908-01-04
PrettN Touqh.

Waiter, what kind of steak was that you served me just nowT de- manded the dissatisfied guest.
 Well done" responded the waiter, with a low bow.
 "H'm! Do you mean me or the steak Y'-Detroit Tribune.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1908-01-04
The Other Sids.

Landlady - Are you so particular about having a quiet room because you sleep in the daytime?
 De Toot-No. ma'am. I practice on the flute several hours q day. and any other sound jars on my sensitive soul. -Harper's Weekly.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1908-01-04
A Fine Discretion.

Colonel Coltes-why did Maiah Blue. meadow withdraw from the conven. tiOn!
 Judge Hilldew-He said he was afraid If be remained he would shoot something he would aftahwahds re- gret.-Puck-
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1908-01-04

Fleece down Sacques in pink and white, blue and white stripes long sleeves with fitted
 cuffs roll collars, regular price 69c, sale price 49c Fleece down Sacques in all coors and pretty designs, long sleeves, fitted cuffs, roll collar regular price 79c, sale price ...... 55c | Long fleece down Kimonas in gray, pink and blue figured designs, very full regular price $l50, sale price ....... $1.19
 SPECIALS FOR SATURDAY.
 500 Fancy Lithograph Calendars, size 6x1O 1c each Balance large fancy Calendars ..... One-half Price Solid gold front Cuff Pins 25c pair Buchan's Bath Soap special 25c dog cakes Waterbury Postas, 10 in set for ......... 5c Postal Albums 1Oc each New Pillow Tops with backs ....... 25c each Beverly Of Graustark 45c each
 SPECIAL SKIRT OYER.
 $500 LABOR FOR $25O.
 We will make Skirts in any style from any materials purchased in our "Woolen Dress Goods Department" We are also prepared to furnish all of the new Every Skirt guaranteed to be satisfactory. Take advantage of this offer before too late, this for a limited time only.
 Price of making $250.
 Our January Sale of Draperies and Lace Curtains continues with unabated vgor and it would be to your advantage to attend this sale The assorments shown quite extensive and the litteness of the prices asked is worthy of consideration by the thrifty housekeeper.. Just few items
 39c Oil Opaque Window Shades, sale price 19c each $5 Rope Portieres, sale price ..... S2.59 each S3 Scotch Lace Curtains, sale price =. S1 95 a pair 25c Colored Checked Sash Muslns sale price 15c yd soc Colored Scotch Madras 45 inches wide, sale
 
 $2.50 Silk Lambrequins, ? E yards long, sale pIice kl8O each 95c Rufied Muslin Curtains, with tucks, sale
 a s2 White Sill Length Curtains, sale price SI 50 hair $4 White Irish Point Lace Curtains, sale price.
 ...:.'. ...::. ...... ...... S2.95 a pair 650 Real Arabian Lace Curtains, sale price .'...... .'.... .......... Sf95 q pair s6 Mercerized Armure Portieres in all colors. sale % AyyaDzaM|0
The Somerset reporter. [volume] (Skowhegan, Me.) 1868-1909, 1908-07-23
The Efficacy of Prayer.

Among my esteemed neighbors there
is family Known for the piety of its
members and their implicit confidence
In the efficacy of prayer. One of the
daughters. Miss Kate b.. has almost
reached the age when she could be re-
ferred to ungallantly as an old maid.
She is the target for many a good ma
tured quip pertaining to her alleged
hopes and endeayors in the direction
of matrimony.
Not long ago a certain society of
young men which had interested itself
In n campaign for higher saloon license
sent a committee to visit the homes OF
the district and obtain signatures to a
high license petition. When this CON-
mittee, numbering half a dozen mem
bers assembled the front steps at the
b. home my friends wife was the first
to see 1t through the front window.
Laws, john she exclaimed to her
husband. See all those young men
coming to visit US"
Mr. B. glanced out of the window,
noted the number of the invading force
and remarked, with an air of convie-
ton:
"Humph. Rates been praying
again. San Francisco Call.
The Somerset reporter. [volume] (Skowhegan, Me.) 1868-1909, 1908-07-23
The Greater Dancer.

There was never a more conscien-
tlous young man than Eben Soule,
and when he found how much abb
sorbed he had become with the mere
Idea of playing In tie town band he
consulted his minister DO you reckon
| could give up all that time to music
without falling from graceY" he asked
anxiously.
The good old Methodist had a saving
sense of humor He saw that his pa
rishioner was much distressed between
his wishes and his conscience. but the
minister smiled on him nevertheless.
ITS the horn you're asked to play. |
hear" he said, Ever had much ex-
perience with 1t. Eben?"
"Never tried 1t but once. but like
the sound of 1t first rate" said the
young man
NM" said the minister. well. |
think you needn't be afraid of falling
from grace on account Of 1t. but do
hope you'll manage things so your fam
lily and neiglr5ors won't have to pass
through the fiery temptation of hear
ing you practice too often. Eben. "-Ex.
change.
The Somerset reporter. [volume] (Skowhegan, Me.) 1868-1909, 1908-07-23

One summer afternoon an exception
ally well dressed stranger was seen to
enter the front gate Of house In q
wealthy neighborhood. He walked to
the door and tried 10 open It with @
key As he could not do 50 he went
around to a window and, pushing 1t
open. climbed In through IT. It vas n
suspicious proceeding. but as the man
was dressed In the height Of fashion
the officer on the beat thought that It
was the owner Of the house, who, haY-
Ing forgotten his key. had used the
window as his means Of entrance
However. the officer thought it best to
watch the place for awhile to see II
anything out of the way might occur
A short time later. emerging from the
front door, the stranger stopped as II
some one had spoken to him from
within, and saying Yes. Bess. have
my key this time" he lifted his hat
and walked slowly away. Some hours
later. when the real owner Of the house
returned. the policeman learned that his
first suspicious bad been correct. for
the vel dressed stranger had walked
off with the jewelry and everything Of
value that he could lay his kid gloyed
hands upon.-Chicago Tribune.
The Somerset reporter. [volume] (Skowhegan, Me.) 1868-1909, 1908-07-23
In Forbidden Places.

A very large mastiff at one end of a
leash and a very small girl at the other
end formed q combination which at
tracted the attention Of a casual pedes
TRAN In a quiet side street
The little girl doubtless thought that
she was taking the dog ont for an air
Ing, but tine big animal himself appear
ed to have the impression that he was
the leader of the expedition. and. be
yond question. the balance Of power
was entirely on his side. He dragged
the girl along despite her seoIdng and
expostulations at pace which kept
her breathless.
Suddenly, either from a within of his
own or because somebody had been In
the habit of taking him there, he dart.
ed through the swinging doors of a
corner saloon The girl looked horri-
fed; but clinglng determnedy to her
end of the leash, she followed her
charge and as the doors swung shut
behind her the casual pedestrian heard
this exasperated remonstrance:
"Oh, darnfound it! Don't you know
ladies' don't go there? It's only place
for nr'-Philadelphia Ledger.
The Somerset reporter. [volume] (Skowhegan, Me.) 1868-1909, 1908-07-23
Milkinq# the Cow,

"Milkmen lave different ways OF
managing their COWS. but generally
they feed each COW and begin milking
as soon as the COW begins 10 eat"
says a daryman. The mixer hurries
to get through. too. because If the COW
finishes her breakfast before the milk
er has done his work she EFFORTS more
feed by holding back her milk. 50 must
be fed again to keep her in good hui
NOR. Some milkmen do their milking
first and then feed Immediately and
cows that are accustomed to this treat
ment generally give down their milk
cheerfully. for they know that milking
is prelude 10 the feeding 1t all de-
ponds on habit and the way the COWS
are treated. for COW is much smarter
than she looks and more grateful than
most persons would believe. So long
as the cows know they are not going
to be struck or beaten they will neither
kick nor hook. An experienced milk
man will never allow any loud talking
or excitement about his barns. for the
quietsr the cows are kept the greater
the quantity Of milk and the easier the
work. st. Louis Globe Democrat
The Somerset reporter. [volume] (Skowhegan, Me.) 1868-1909, 1908-07-23

"Quinn." said an old member one
day. Il heard you worrying about the
mileage Did you ever hear the story
of Clay and the salary grab2'
No" l replied.
when Clay was speaker" be con
tinued. "along about 1915. the crowd
raised their salaries to $500 a year.
There was a great bowl all over the
country. and when Clay reached home
in Kentucky he found old one armed
John Pope, a Federalist, out after his
scalp to beat the band and all the Clay
adherents ominously silent. Worried
and anxious, Clay sought out his old
barber. who had always been enthusi.
astic In his advocacy and who hap
pened to be an lrishman. I trust |
may count on your hearty support, as
usualY Clay asked. Faith Mr.. Clay
said the Irish barber, Il think l shall
vote at this time for the man who can
get but one hand into the treasury E"
Success Magazine.
The Somerset reporter. [volume] (Skowhegan, Me.) 1868-1909, 1908-07-23
A PHILOSOPHER In a Cyclone.

81 believe in optimism" said the
cheerful citizen, but there is a limit
even to that. saw a man the other
day whose house had been carried
away by cyclone. and he was the most
cheerful citizen In town Why said,
Il thought you had lost your houseP
"T did lose It, be replied. but thar
wus nobody In 1t but me at the time.
an thar wuzn't hair O. my head hurt.
The cyclone lifted the house high, all
but the ground floor where was sleep
In peaceful In my bed, an haln't
never seen nor hearu o. that house
sence An, anyhow, didn't have any
fire insurance on it an wuzn't able to
put up lightnln' rod, an ef the wind
hadn't took 1t away who knows but
lightnin' would a hit 1t, an I've got
the rheumatism so bad l couldn't run
In case O. fire. Atlanta Constitution.
The Somerset reporter. [volume] (Skowhegan, Me.) 1868-1909, 1908-07-23
Queer Feeding.

"Come and watch me feed my star
fish"
The curator of the aquarium led the
reporter to a tank where a half dozen
starfsh tripped over the sandy bottom
on slim brown fingers.
Grub time boys" he said. and he
dropped into the tank six mussels.
The fish ran to the musses Each ap-
piled his stomach to the hinge at the
back of the shell. Silence and immo.
billy ensued.
THE gastric juice of the starfish,"
said the curator, lis now melting the
hinges of flesh that hold the mussel
shells together. All, look, there's one
melted nov There's another. It's the
mssf powerful gastric juice In the
ysada
AL bf one. their hinges destroyed
the mussel shells opened. and into the
openings the starfish thrust their stom.
aehs More silence. more immobility.
Then, a little plumper at the heart,
the starfish went tripping daintily Off.
but the mussel shells lay open and
empty on the sand.-Cinclnnatl En-.
ouirer
The Somerset reporter. [volume] (Skowhegan, Me.) 1868-1909, 1908-07-23

In reviewing 1.-THE Early Married
Life of Maria Josepha. Lady Stanley"
the London Spectator comments on the
light In which drunkenness was re-
garded at the beginning of the nine.
teenth century. There was christen-
ing of twins and rejoicing among the
neighbors, tenants and laborers. "All
the guests" says Maria. were as
drunk as l ever had the pleasure OF
seeing any one." Among the laborers,
however, that extent of intoxication
was not reached which causes men to
be swine"
Lady Sheffield, who received this ac-
count of the festivities. replies: II
would have given a great deal to be
present. There Is nothing | love so
much as such sort of festivities, where
one has the satisfaction of knowing
that one makes ones friends happy as
we'll as drunk" In London, she de-
clares. when you give a ball you af-
front many people, please few. make
many drunk and yourself miserable"
The Somerset reporter. [volume] (Skowhegan, Me.) 1868-1909, 1908-07-23


"You say you have confidence In the
plaintiff. Mr. smith7'
Yes, sir"
state to the court, II you please,
what caused this confidence"
why, you ses. sir. there's alters re
ports bout eaun' house men, and l
used to thing
"Never mind what you thought Tell
US what you know"
"Well, sir. one day goes down TO
Cooken's shop aud seq to the waiter,
Waiter see l, gives veal pie
Well, just then Mr.. Cooken comes up,
and seq be: How do Mr.. Smith, What
ys going to haver
"'Weal pie says L. Good says he;
I'll have one tu' SO he sets down an
eats one OF his own veal pies right
afors me-"
Did that cause your confidence In
himT
Yes, indeed, sir; when an eatin'
house keeper sets down afore his GUS
toners an deliberately eats one Of his
own veal pies no man can refuse TO
feel confidence. 1t shows him to be an
honest man."-London Scraps.
The Somerset reporter. [volume] (Skowhegan, Me.) 1868-1909, 1908-07-23

No spot in all Palestine is 50 jealous
Y guarded as the haram or sacred
area built above the cave where. ae-
cording to tradition, lie buried the
bodies of Abraham aud Sarah. Isaac
and Rebecca. Jacob and Leah. This
haramais lnclosed within a double
wall. ~ outer one of Arab workman
ship. dating from the fourteenth cen
fury. and an inner very massive one
with many buttresses. which compe-
tent authorities ascribe to the days Of
the Herods. No Christian or jew is,
except by very special permission. al
lowed within these walls. The most
the "unbelieyers' may ordinarily do Is
TO ascend from the street to the sew
enth step on one of the staircases be.
tween the walls. At a spot near the
stair Is a stone with q hole In 1t, down
which. 1t is said, long Bedouln lance
can be thrust its whole length without
reaching any obstruction. This. the
Jews believe. reaches to the sacred
cave Itself. and In Its neighborhood
they assemble every Friday to mourn
and pray. as they do before the wall
OF that other haram-the temple area
in Observation-Disclosures Ledger.
The Somerset reporter. [volume] (Skowhegan, Me.) 1868-1909, 1908-07-23

There's eight nations represented In
this ward of ours said Mr.. Holoran
to his wife on his return from a po-
lltlcal meeting He began to count
them off on his fingers.
There's Irish, Frineh, Eyetallans,
Poles. Germans. Roossians, Greeks
an -
Mr.. Holloran stopped and began
again:
There's Irish, Frinch. Eyetalians,
Poles, Germans, Roossians, Greeks
an amt it queer | disremimber the
other wan? There's Irish. Frinch"-
Maybe twas Americans" suggest
ed Mrs. Halloran.
"Sure, that's IT." said her husband.
81 couldn't think. Youths Compan-
ion.
The Somerset reporter. [volume] (Skowhegan, Me.) 1868-1909, 1908-07-23
HOW 1T SPREADS.

The first package of DR.. Leonhardt's Hem
Roid (the infalible Pile cure) that was put
out went to a small town in Nebraska.
It cured a case of Piles that was considered
hopeless.
The news spread and although this was
only two years ago the demand prompted
DR.. J. S. Leonhardt Of Lincoln, Neb., the
dscoverer, to prepare it for general use Now
it is being sent to all parts OF the world.
1t will cure any case of Piles There is a
months treatment in each box.
Sold for $500, with absolute guarantee.
1t is for sale by G. r, Gogg or by DR..
Leonhardt. Co., Station B. Buffalo, n. y
The Somerset reporter. [volume] (Skowhegan, Me.) 1868-1909, 1908-07-23
Needed q Bio poss.

The president OF the Walters club OF
New York In a recent argument on tip.
ping said to his opponent sharply:
"Your reply is altogether beside the
point and irrelevant. 1t reminds me OF
a wOman's reply In German court.
This woman was accused of poisoning
her husband. The prosecuting attor-
ney said to her
"'You have heard the evidence. The
ten persons. What have you to sayY
"'My husband the woman answer
ed. was big eater"
The Somerset reporter. [volume] (Skowhegan, Me.) 1868-1909, 1908-07-23

That alfalfa can be successfully
grown in Aroostook under right con
ditions has been proven by II. S.
Hardison, one of Houlton's best and
most successful farmers. He has a
small piece of this much mooted
grass which was seeded three years
ago, and each season has yielded
abundantly, this summer being no
exception, as there is large growth,
the stocks being we'll formed, of
large size, tall and healthy looking,
This kind of hay is said to contain
more nutrition than any other.
When nerves are strained the
double distilled essence of patience
makes the best application.
The Somerset reporter. [volume] (Skowhegan, Me.) 1868-1909, 1908-07-23

Parke-Old man, we've known each
other for years. aud 1t does seem
strange that our wives have never
met. Don't you think 1t would be a
good idea to bring this about2
Lane-Seems to me that's rather a
hard way of doing 1t.
Doing what?9
"Getting rid of each other."-Life
The Somerset reporter. [volume] (Skowhegan, Me.) 1868-1909, 1908-07-23
just E1actly Right.

II have Use Dr.. Kings New Life lis II.
several years, ani hnd them Iast exactly
risht. SAYS Mr. 4 A. FELTON,. Of HarrissIlt,
y. New Lie Pi.is relieve without the
east discomfort Best remedy for eansapa
ton, hiHousness and malaria. 80. a: Z. K.
togg's drug store
The Somerset reporter. [volume] (Skowhegan, Me.) 1868-1909, 1908-07-23
Not Worth STEALING.

A certain dramatic author was seen
by a friend to have manuscript
almost falling from his pocket IF
YOU We're nor so we'll known you would
have had your pocket picked" said
the friend
The Somerset reporter. [volume] (Skowhegan, Me.) 1868-1909, 1908-07-23
Widn Awake.

Fuddle-You know Stocks don't you?
Doctor-Yes. indeed He Is now pa.
tent of mine Fuddle-Pretty wide
awake man. isn't he Doctor should
say So am treating him for insom.
nia.-London Tit Bits
The Somerset reporter. [volume] (Skowhegan, Me.) 1868-1909, 1908-07-23

As the price OF foodstutfs go up our
spirits come down.
You never can tell-some small
imps grow up to become preachers.
One way to get rich quick is to in
herit il
The Somerset reporter. [volume] (Skowhegan, Me.) 1868-1909, 1908-07-23

Hope is a fatterer. but the most up
right of all parasites for she freqnents
the poor mans hut as well as the pal
ace OF his superiors -Shenstone
The Somerset reporter. [volume] (Skowhegan, Me.) 1868-1909, 1908-07-23
Throw a Brick on Il First

Arctic Explorers Wife = Goodby.
John, dear Arctic xplorer-Farewell
my love. Arctic Explorers Wife-And
John, be sure that the ice is perfectly
safe.-Judge.
The Somerset reporter. [volume] (Skowhegan, Me.) 1868-1909, 1908-07-23
a Ducal Estate.

The park in which Chatsworth
stands is . dozen miles In circumfer-
ence. The facade 81 the house is a
length of loo feet.-Pall Mall Ga.
zptta
The Somerset reporter. [volume] (Skowhegan, Me.) 1868-1909, 1908-07-23

Whether riches really have wings OF
not they certainly are hard to oyertake
on foot.-Dalas News.
The Somerset reporter. [volume] (Skowhegan, Me.) 1868-1909, 1908-07-23
HUMPHREYS

Veterinary Specifics cure diseases
of Horses, Cattle, Sheep, Dogs, Hogs and
Poultry by acting directly on the SICK PARTS
without loss of time.
A lFEyERs, CongestIons, TnaAmmA-
CURES tions. Lung Fever. Min Fever.
n. n. 1sPRAINs. Lameness. Injuries.
CURES Rheumatism.
C. C. SORE THROAT. Quinsy, Epizootic.
CURES Distemper.
I Dp: WORMS. Bots. Grub..
FEl COUGHS, Colds, Influenza, InnAmed
CURES Lungs, Pieuro.Pneumonia.
.lCOLIC, Bellyache. Wind-BIowu,
CURES Diarrhea. Dysentery.
&C. Prevents MISCARRIAGE.
HI; KIDNEY d BLADDER DISORDERS.
IL lsKIN DISEASES. Mango. Eraptions,
CURES Ulcers. Grease, Farcy.
JK3BAD CONDITION, Staring Coat.
CURES Indigestion. Stomach staggers.
6Oc each Stable Case, Ten Specifics, Book &c. a.
At druggists, or sent prepaid on receipt of price
Humphreys Medicine Co., Cor. William and John
Streets, New York.
6B- BOOK MAILED FREE.
The Somerset reporter. [volume] (Skowhegan, Me.) 1868-1909, 1908-07-23

RI BOOK MAILED FREE.
New-York tribune., 1908-07-31
EXTENDING PAssAIC DRAINAGE PLANS
Engineers Expect to Reclaim Thousands Of
Acres by Dredging Work.

Montcair July 80 tSpeciaD.--Mary thousands Of
acres of land practically worthless will be re-
claimed by the completion of the drainage of the
upper Passac Valley. above Singac the surveys Tor
which are now being completed by the Passa1c
Valley Drainage Commission Robert Speer. OF
Caldwell. treasurer of the commission. said to-day
that it was nearly ready TO begin work. The bed
of the river from Chatham to Singac and for
nearly two miles mp the main tributaries, the
Rockaway and Whippany rivers is now helAs
SURVEYED so that all obstructions in the chan-
nels which stop the flow of the water may be To-
Gated Several hundred of these instructions exist
They consist mostly of fallen trees, against Whlch
the current has piled up drlftwood and sand unul
they form grea- bars. extending, in some places
from shore to shore
The survey will determine the relative cost OF
removing these distractions It is purposed by the
commission when the preliminary work is com
nleted to ask the property in the valley to
purchase the commissions bonds so that funds may
be btained defray the of cleaning the chah-
mel 4 meeting of the property holders will be
called and the proposition laid before them. Mr
Speer of the commission. said this meeting would
ia Ike place the latter part of August The farmers
in the section affected to see the channel
cleared as the drainage will make available a
vast area of fertile land adjoining their present
holdings