The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1908-12-26

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Ever experience stage robber?"
"Once | asked chorus girl to lunch"
Philadelphia Public Ledger.
How was the table at your summer
resort?' Splendid. Never had such
canned goods in my life !"-Life.
what caused that awkward break
In the Conversations Some one
dropped the subject" -Argonaut.
Gushing Young Woman Ito baronet
at garden party)-Oh, Sir James, I
hear you have an acetylene plant, and
First Visitor-What a singular chin
the old boy has? Second Visitor-Sin-
gular! l should call it plural.-The
Taller.
Bobby-Pa, what's a press censor?
Pale is a man who knows more
than he thinks other people should
Judge.
Said She-It is said that married
men are Drawer than single men, Said
He-Yes; they have to be.-Chicago
News.
$50 your son is now soldier, hey,
Uncle Benz Eyes, sab; he's done jined
de malicious corpse, sar. baltimore
American.
1--WE lost wheel" "How did you
get homer" Zone of the girls let us
take her Merry Widow hat."-Boston
Traveller.
"Bliggins enjoys telling people some
thing disagreeable." Eyes. He would
make an ideal weather prophet
Washington Star.
"You know the poet says man must
be either the hammer or the anvil"
Lots of fellows know are more like
the bellows. Boston Transcript.
Maud-But do you believe in vac
cination? Bessie-Rather. 1t kept my
sister from playing the piano for near
~ week.-Philadelphia Inquirer.
Mrs. Newed-Instead Of giving me
pin money my husband puts it in the
savings bank for me. Mrs. Oldwed-
Sort Of safety pin money, as it were.
Jack-The fortune teller said would
marry a blonde. Belle-Did she say
how soon? Jack-In six months.
Belle (coyly)-I can easily be a blonde
by that time, Jack.-Sketch.
D'Aubist-Do you think my battle
picture expresses, as l have meant it
to, all the poignant horrors Of war?
Krittick-Oh, yes; it's the awfullest
thing ever saw.-Cleveland Leader.
an-Congratulate me, my
dear, I've won the nomination. His
Wife Gin surprise -Honestly? Poll
tician-Now what in thunder did you
want to bring up that point for?-The
Globe.
care you related to the bride or
groom elect?" asked the busy usher at
the wedding. mo" Then what in
terest have you in the ceremony" I'm
the defeated candidate. "-Christian
Register.
Overheated Policeman Ito medical
gentleman who has been called to
bathing accident)-Sorry you've had
the trouble Of coming for nothing, sir.
We tried artificial perspiration on the
poor fellow, and he's all right now
Punch.
The Prosperous Person-There Is no
occasion for you to envy me, my man.
| have just as many troubles as you
have. The Impecunious One-I dare
say you have, but the difficulty with me
is that 1 amt got nothing else.-Lon-
don Mail.
Trotter-When young Bifkins left
college a few years ago, he declared ne
was going to forge his way to the front.
Did he make good? Homer-As
forger, yes. He's now occupying
front row cell in the penitentiary.-
Chicago Daily News.
"You want to marry my daughter,
Ell? May l ask what chance you have
for getting on in the wOrld?" Il have
an automobile yacht and an airship."
well, you seem to have every means
for getting on. She's yours, my boy
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
"George, was terribly shocked to-
day to hear our little Jimmie tell Baby
Augusta to go to blazes. Where do you
suppose he could possibly have learned
to use such a dreadful expressionY
How the blazes should known
CSIorolop1 plain Dealer
lis that you Frank" asked Mrs.
Tippins in a nervous voice as she
heard some one moving about IN the
next room in the darkness. 1T is,
replied Mr.. Tippins. You gave me sucn
a shock. 1 thought at first there was
a man in the house. Exchange.
81 tell you what" said the old maid.
ssThey make love much faster than they
used to do in my day. Eyes," replied
the sweet young thing. I'm your day
it was a rented horse and buggy; now
it's mortgaged forty horsepower mile
a minute touring car."-Detroit Free
Press.
"Good gracious man. exclaimed AS