The bee., 1908-02-27
A STATUE OF
PENN
whitaker wontod . Few Altsra-
lions Made

There was an auction out at the res
idence OF Jackson. a Quaker. who died
recently near our town: and very
handsome marble statue Of William
Penn was Knocked down 70 Whitaker.
who keeps q lager beer garden a
square OF two above me- He had the
statue carried over to the marble yard.
where be sought an interview with hr
Mix, the owner. He told Mix that be
wanted that statue liked up somehow
SOS 'twonld represent one OF them
heatheu coda" He had an idea that
Mix might chip the clothes on OF VIII
liam and put a lyre or a club In. his
hand. sos be might pass muster as
Apollo OF Hercules" I'd
But Mix said that he thought the
diflculty would be Ia wrestling with
Williams hat.
1t was q marble hat. with a rim big
enough for q race course; and Mix
said that Although he didn't profess to
Be much on heather mythology. as .
general thing. still II struck him that
Hercules, In q broad-brimmed hat,
would attract attention By his singu-
larity. and might be open to criticism.
Mr.. Whitaker said that what he
really wanted with that statue when
he bought II was to turn II into Venus.
and be thought perhaps the hat might
be chiseled up into some kind OF .
halo around her head.
But Mix said that he didn't exactly
see how he could do that when the
rim was so curly at the sides. A halo
that was curly was just no halo at
all. But. anyway how was he go
ing to manage about Penn's waist
coat7
II reached almost to his knees, and
TO attempt to rush out a barelegged
Venus with a halo on her head and
four cubic feet of waistcoat around
her middle, would just ruin his bust
ness. 1t would make the whole hui
man race smile.
Then Whitaker said Neptune was a
god he always liked. and, perhaps, Mix
could fix the tails of PENIS coat some
how so that 1t would look as II the fig
ure was riding on dolphin; then the
hat might be made to represent sea
weed and fish spear could be put
in the statues hands.
Mix, however. urged that a white
marble hat of those dimensions, when
cut up into seaweed, would be more
apt to look as If Neptune was coming
home with a load of hay upon his
head; and he said that although art
had made gigantic strides during the
past century, and evidently, had a
brilliant future before it, 1t had not
yet discovered a method by which
a shadbelly coat, with flaps to the
pockets. could be turned into any
thing that would look like a dolphin.
Then Mr. Whitaker wanted to know
IL Pan wasn't the god that had horns
and split hoofs, with a shaggy look
to his legs; for if he was, he would
be willing to have the statue made
into Pan, If it could be done without
too much expense.
And Mr.. Mix said that while moth
ing would please him more than to
produce such a figure OF Pan, and
while Williams square-toed shoes,
probably, might be made into cloven
hoofs without very strenuous effort,
still he hardly felt as IL he could fix
up those knee-breeches to resemble
shaggy legs; and as for trying to turn
that half-acre hat into a pair of horns.
Mr.. Whitaker might as well talk of
emptying the Atlantic ocean through
a stomach pump.
Thereupon Mr.. Whitaker remarked
that he had concluded, on the whole.
that 1t would be better TO split the
patriarch up the middle and take the
two halves to make a couple of little
Cupids, which he conld hang in the
bar-room with string, so that they
could appear to be sporting in air
If Mr.. Mix could put pair OF wings
on each of them. why, so much the
better; but II he couldn't. very we'll
Perhaps the flap of that hat might be
sliced up into wings, and glued on the
shoulders of the Cupids.
But Mr. Mix SAID that while nobody
would put himself out more to oblige
friend than he would, stip he must
say, II his honest opinion was asked,
that to attempt to make a Cupid out
OF Penn would be childish, because If
they used the half one way. there
would be very small Cupid with
very long leg; and if they used it the
other way, he would have to cut
Cupid's head out Of the calf OF Viii
iam's leg, and there wasn't room
enough. let alone the fact that the
knee-joint would give the god of love
the appearance of having broken
back. AS for the wings. II the man
had been born who could chisel wings
out OF the flap Of hat. all he wanted
was to meet that man. SOS he could
gaze on him and st. y him.
SO, finally, Whitaker suggested that
Mix should make the statue into an
angel and sell It for an ornament to
tombstone.
M AEss, eta tbot 40 h -h1.,.1a A..