The times and democrat. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1881-current, 1908-12-25
he TRIED 1T ONCE
UNCLE HENRY GIVES HUSBANDS
SOME ADVICE

AS to How to Manage Wives That
"Talk Back" and Ask Too Many
Questions.
MAN that Is born Of woman IS
small potatoes and few in the hill, !"
said Uncle Henry wearily when the
door closed and his wife left the
room. "He thinks he's 70-horse
power, but he's only poor old one
horse.
adam had everything his own
way and nature was handing him
out straights and three Of kind
all the livelong day till the lady ar
rived on the scene and began to get
ready for the first cake and apron
sale. Then what happened to poor
old Adam? Well, by gracious, he
had to get out and dig! Son, take
it from ME, we've been digging ever
since.
"NIot that I mind digging. l
done. But I'd like to do little
talking, too, by gum! I'm going tc
do it. You hear me! I'm working
on system and If I stick around
a while we'll see.
"Now. my wife,. she's about the
average verbose. That Is she's got
good wind, a pretty elaborate vo-
cabulary and q willing heart. When
she makes a real business Of it she
can comb things over some.
"She's one of the kind that keeps
still for a while until you've told
your little tale and then begins to
take systematic interest in it. She
asks questions. Honest, son, they're
the blamedest ones, they are-the
ones that ask questions.
"Then when you've got yourself
all tied up and you don't know for
sure whether, you spend the evening
with a sick Elk or live tiger she
gets her cold, fishy eye on you and
she says: Henry she says, 1T needs
a man with more originality than
you've got to get away with that
Hans Anderson she says. Now You
listen to me-'That's what gets me.
1 don't want to listen. It's tire
some.
"Now, OF course, there are several
ways to beat that game. In the first
place you can get mad as hattie,
and grab your hat and 60 out and
slam the door after you. That
works with some of 'em. Not with
mine, though.
II tried it once, and when I came
back an hour afterward the first
thing 1 heard when I came in the
door was, And, Henry, as I was
saying had interrupted her, but
she came back stronger.
There's another pretty good idea
a fellow was telling me about, but
1t don't work with mine. That's
sitting still while she is speaking
her little piece and saying, Yes,
DEAR and No, DEAR, as nice as pie.
The fellow sa"s they just naturally
can't get used to having any one
agree with them and it takes the
wind all out of their sails. Well,
soa, it might. Il don't know. 1t
don't work with mine.
There is one thought that I've
got a good deal of faith in. just
tried it out little to see how 1t
was going to work and 1 will say
that I got better results from it than
from anything I ever did.
"It's scientific. It's got regular
kind of a name like. 1t is called
The Gamblers Last Resort See
what I mean? It's based on the old
poker principle of doubling your
bets to recoup your losses.
Listen here, son. This Is it:
"You come home some time and
you see there's something in the air.
You know from past performances
that the colloquial monsoon Is about
to take place. Get that? You s:a
the dark clouds looming on the do.
mestic horizon and you hear the
misunderstanding OF the forked light
ming that is going to blast you tn
your roots pretty soon. The air is
hush"d rs they say in the classics.
There is something gcing to occur.
Well, sir, you don't get ready to
beat it. You decide to stay and
fight. That is, maybe you decide to
stay and fight. 1t depends on how
long you've been carried or how
much natural foolhardiness you've
got.
"Well, sir, she starts; she move +.
She begins handing it to you from
both sides Of her mouth. It's moth
ing short of wonderful where she
ever gets her ideas from, but they're
hits, son.
"She dallies with the inanities Of
your boyhood, describes the teetotal
asininity of your present and casts Il
few shrewd guesses over in the d.
rection of your probable future. It's
pretty, son-like an electrical storm.
| ppt ito Gonparouc