The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1908-01-10

she repented h
boarding house, l understan>
cago Daily News.
81 have come all the way out here,
said the tenderfoot, Ito see your beau
tiful sunset" Somebody's been string
in you, stranger" replied Arizona AL.
1T amt mine."-Chicago Record-Her-
aid
Weary Walker-De worlds all
wrong. Tired Tatters-Wot's eatin'
youse now? Weary Walker-Ef I'd a
had de maxim Nv 1t I'd made all de
roads runnin' down hill.-Chicago
News.
Mrs. Tourist-Pm afraid that the
monkey wouldn't please my husband.
Vendor-But madame will find 1t easi-
er to find another husband than to get
a monkey like that for three piastres! !!
lie Rire.
"What sb~ read you first?" "The
marriages" Here is an article about
some boys who were found playing with
dynamite" "Well, read it. 1t pos
sesses the same elements of INTEREST,"
Houston Post.
what" queried the young man, rs
the difference between white lies and
black lies" white lies" answered the
home grown philosopher, "are the kind
we tell; black lies are the kind we
hear. Chicago News.
"Yes," said the Summer Girl, "it's
all off. sent everything back to him
yesterday" ''Not the ring?" asked her
friend. mo, he said l could keep that
IL I'd send him the hammock l caught
him in."-Yonliers Statesman.
Mistress-Did you remember to feed
the cat every day during my absence?
Servant-Every day but one, ma'am.
Mistress-And didn't the poor thing
have anything to eat all day? Serv-
ant-Oh, yes, ma'am. She ate the ca
nary.-Chicago Daily News.
First Stranger-Excuse me, but you
are a physician, believe? Second
Stranger-You are mistaken, sir. First
Stranger-But overheard you say you
followed the medical profession. Sec
ond Stranger-And so | do. I'm an un-
dertaker.-Chicago Daily News.
Mrs. Subbubs-How long were you in
your last place? Bridget O'Shaunnessy
TREE months, ma'am. Mrs. Subbubs
lis it possible? Bridget O'Shaunnessy
-Yis, ma'am, but it wasn't me fault
OF had de smallpox an de house was
ouarantined. Philadelphia Record.
"An artist" said the man with point
ed whiskers, must not think about
money" II suppose not" answered
! Mr.. Cumrox. Every time | buy pic.
ture the artist wants enough to keep
him from thinking about money for the
rest of his Washington Star.
Yeast-It is difficult to tell the wait
ers from gentlemen diners at fashion
able restaurants now. Crmsonbeak-
Well, If you happened to search 'em
when they went out you could tell the
difference. The walters have all the
money In their clothes. - Yonkers
| Statesman.
Mr.. Jagway (at late hour, cropping
his way toward the foot of the stairs)
There's just twice as many chairs
I'm this hallway as there ought be.
NV eyes might fool me on that prop'si-
tion. o. course, but when ! stumble
,cainst 'em, by George, know they're
there Chicago Tribune.
The millionaire from Plttsburg was
observed to be lettering outside Of the
nearly gates. why don't you hurry
nm and knock?" querled shade. I'm
waiting for that other chap to get
ahead OF me-" whispered the Plttsburg
millionaire. "And who is he?" "Why,
CRATER from San Francisco BY the
side Of him | will seem as Innocent as
a mb."-Chicago News.
Farmer Pasterlot (discusslng liter
ature with the new boarder) )-Ther
wuz one book thet my son Bill thought
heap of, when he wuz t hum-all
about swattin' and biffin' an blood
zone of those swashbuckler romances
!. / presume Do you recall where the
scene was laidF' "Well, took 1t T. be
Jersey story, from tn name of it
'Twuz called The Three Muskeeters.'
Puck