Los Angeles herald., 1908-04-19

a---------s------ but / am glad to
see you, old pal. Tip us your fllppers.'
BY this display of technique you will at
once win his confidence. But as you
VIII be all at sea if unable to continue
the dialogue in shipshape manner, the
Following rules for naval small talk are
suggested:
Ask your friendly sailor If he can
drive the starboard tack?
Ask him IL he buys his cloth at a
cutters sail?
Ask to see the waist of the ship. Tell
MIN you belong to the anti-tight lacing
society. and will have the vessel pulled
II the waist is too taut. If this should
mortify him. sweeten him up by telling
MIN the vessels lines are stunning and
may help you In suggestions as to
spring costumes.
Say yeo heave no at frequent inter-
vals, and SAY 1T AS If YOU MEANT
1T. Be enthusiastic.
Do not forget to say you think dear
Mr; Reuterhdahl is perfectly charming.
Ihis VIII make you popular.
Assuming an air of ingenious inno-
cence. ask If naval men really have a
sweetheart In every port.
When the opportunity arises, refer to
the admiral as Fighting Robert. Bob
Is too familiar.
If you are fortunate enough to board
the Connecticut, insist On seeing the
wooden nutmegs. They are kept in
Davy Jones' locker, and are used upon
the enemy when the supply of grape
shot, canister. ETC., is exhausted.
Be careful to avoid confusing the tur-
ret with the tu-reen. THIS is I'M
PORTANT If you neglect 1t you may
find yourself in the soup.
Be sure to ask what your sailor
thinks OF the navy department. He
won't tell you, but you may get an idea
from his demeanor.
Ask him how he likes sleeping In
hammock. This Is a subject all naval
men discuss with enthusiasm. :.
In delicate way, you might inquire
II they serve ice cream soda at the
bar and capstan.
1t is not good form to ask q naval
man for souvenir buttons He doesn't
use them much. That is a prerogative
of the army.
Should he neglect. however, to present
you a hat band bearing the name of
his ship, do not hesitate to remind him
of his omission. He has one and he
can give 1t to you just as we'll as not.
II the water Is rough and you feel
little out of sorts, ask for some salt
horse" That is the navy specific for
sea sickness.
All naval men are very jealous of the
honor of the navy bean. Tell him that
yOdp tOOs dpPtON6 u Dcdn Qlttt anu ii6
Will become your slave for life.
You might suggest stroll around to
the lee side Of the ship. This always
makes a hit when the vessel Is at
anchor. 1t is not considered unmaid-
enly.
Insist upon his showing you the bill
lard room and the main incubator way.
Ask where the scuppers are kept
when not in use. Perhaps the sailor
will take one down from the shelf and
show II to you.
Ask him to entertain you by Delaying
the stuns'l. This is the most adroit
marine performance ever attempted. If
he says he cannot do 1t. laugh coyly,
because he is assembling.
Ask him IL 1t is true that bulkhead Is
naval slang for blockhead.
Ask him to let you try on the binna-
cles, to see whether they will fit your
eyes. Say Aunt Angelina wears them.
Qf you have not an Aunt Angelina you
have no one to blame but yourself. We
cannot help it,
Ask him whether, in his opinion, the
ships hawsers are on straight. Tell
him you may be only an innocent anna
teur, but you have an eye in your head.
Ask him for a few cap ribbons for
yourself and friends. Tell him you
hear they have eighteen bales OF them
aboard, and might spare a few for you.
Besides, your IdtHSF iS u LdApdyeiJ anu
who pays the wages of the navy any
way, you would like to know?
Tell him you think 1t is just perfectly
sweet we are soon going to have navy
worth boasting about.
If he says Damn, lift your eyebrows,
and make this repartee 80? Mossoo
is French. How tres interessant." You
see, Danes. pronounced like the other,
is French for ladies"
Then ask him If it is true that sailors
sometimes swear during business hours.
This will be a hot one This will make
his tarry old conscience JUST SIZZLE.
Ask him to dance the sailors horn
pipe. Should he accede to your request,
and execute for your diversion few
steps of this famous ballet, tell him he
dances like a orn-pipedream.
Ask him whether he knows anything
about a schooner-rigged beer mug, and
sing him q verse of Tennyson' Gross
ing the Bar" This will make him ap-
ply for shore leave in order to vote the
Prohibition ticket.
DO NOT FORGET THAT the port
side of the ship is the side nearest San
Pedro. Keep this in mind. There is an
erroneous impression that the port is
the wardroom stewards locker. oppo-
site the sherry side. THIS is NOT SO.
Stamp with your little foot and say.
isn't this the hafi-dollar deck? ?'' When
everybody looks surprised, exclaim;
because / want to have 1t changed.
Bring me two quarter decks, please"
Gf this does not make the people
around you laugh then they will be
indeed a morose crowd)
We repeat, DO not forget to say Yeo
heave no at frequent intervals BY
adopting all these hints your visit to
the fleet will be thoroughly enjoyable
and we'll worth remembering The sail
ors will have an extra high opinion of
your intelligence. You will astonish
and edify the ignorant persons who will
crowd up to listen. You will return
ashore with flying coors.
<&%&p----
Prudence