Free press., 1908-01-25
REASONING
IT OUT
Tne 0lrI Won, OF Course, Dut
Not by Argument

Not by Argument
MY. what a loud onel" whispered
Herbert
They sat up straight and listened
for mothers approaching footsteps. but
not drum was heard, not a funeral
note
Gertrude put her head back on Her
berts shoulder.
Mother didn't hear" she giggled.
It's wonder" said Herbert .It
sounded like an old COW pulling her
foot out OF a swamp
Louder than that" said Gertrude;
1T sounded like Old Bob the hackman
chirping his horse, and when old Bob
chirps his horse, you know, you can
hear him all over town."
Yes; / know" said Herbert, but
even so, he doesn't chirp his horse as
loud as a COW pulls her foot oat Of a
swamp"
I'd like TO knocy why mott"
1T stands TO reason. OF course, Old
Bob makes loud noise when he
chirps his horse; well all admit that;
but when an old COW pulls her foot out
of swamp it just naturally stands to
reason that she can make more noise
than ever Old Bob could!"
No, Herbert"
Yes, Gertrude.s"
No. Herbert"
Yes, Gertrude.""
NO"
Yes"
No"
Yes"
Herbert knight just want you to
understand that you don't necessarily
know IL all, even If you have been to
college. and l just want to tell you
again that If OLD Bob was chirping his
horse at the same time that the old
COW was puIing her foot out OF tho
swamp. why. you just wouldn't be able
to hear the old cow-that's ALL"
But, my dear girl
Don't you call me your dear glrli'
But, Gertrude! Listen! Listen to
reason! / love you dearly, but let the
basis Of our love be reason! That is
the only enduring love, Now, when
Old Bob chirps his horse, how does
he make the sound. With his lips?
Very well, now let US say that Old
Bob's mouth Is three inches wide.
Let us even say II is four, and that
when he chirps he presses his lips
together until the surface of contact
is four inches by one fnch-a fetal OF
four square inches. Now, on the other
hand, here's the COW"
Il just don't care! When Old Bob
chirps his horse"
Just one moment, please. Now
here's the COW end we'll say that her
hoof Is three inches in diameter or,
say, nine inches in circumference.
Let US also say that it is three inches
high, so when her foot is in the swamp
there IL total contact surface of 27
square inches as against Old Bobs
four"
That makes no difference. When
Old Bob chirps his horse you can"
"Ot course it makes a difference.
And when you take into consideration
the fact that the COW has so much
more strength than Bob, and that her
foot Is OF such shape that it lends It
self most peculiarly and particularly
TO the production of loud. chirping
sound, why, then, my dear"
Don't you call me your dear!"
But, Gertrude, your stand is so
ridiculous!"
She looked at him with face like
ice.
For the last time" she coldly cried,
"I say that it sounded like Old Bob
when he chirps his horse!"
He gazed back at her like man who
is being sorely tried, but who will die
for his convictions
And I say" he as coldly answered,
that it sounded like an old COW pull
ing her foot out of a swamp"
'I warn you now" she cautioned
him, and with the air of one who fres
a last shot over an enemys bow she
exclaimed: "Old Bobi"
II cannot help it," he decisively an
swered, and with the aspect of a man
mailing his colors to the mast he
clenched his teeth and returned: "Old
GOVT"
"Old Bob!' she cried.
"Old cowi" he firmly responded.
"Old Bob"
"Old cow!"
"Bobi"
"Cow!"
"Bob!"
"Cow!"
She slowly took on his ring ana
slowly gave 1t to him, averting her
head suddenly and sobbing: "G-ggoi
G-g-goi 1 can never be yours!"
But, my dear girl, Gertrude! Ny
love! Listen to me! You must listen
to mel"
'T want you to g-g-go away" she
sobbed. I'VE could never be Unhappy
together and want you to g-g-go!"
But, Gertrude-coaldn't you see
that I was-that 1 was only joking?"