The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-04-19


quite a lot of things"
Something of the sort did occur, I
believe" said the Hotel Clerk, with the
air of one trying TO remember the for
gotten events of a misty past. But
you may have noticed that as time
passed on, l sort of relaxed, and so
now, on my return to the world, the
flesh and the devil. you'll hardly be
able to notice the difference as / once
more merge my interests into that old
and reliable firm. Sometimes, Larry,
I'm afraid I'm too soft-fbred. ] can
deny myself anything, but / can't deny
others. In Lent. as at other seasons,
It's easy enough for me not TO take
any drinks that l have to pay for, but
frightfully hard for me to refuse any
drinks that somebody else is willing to
pay for.
Swearing off is a fine discipline for
the human mind if you don't let it
make a bigot of you. Personally, l do
not prefer the H2 o chariot, sometimes
known as the water wagon, for steady
purposes during Lent. AS a regular
vehicle, 1 would cordially recommend
the hippo. I speak as one who has
used this amiable creature. The hip
pOpotamuS, Larry, is broader minded
than the water wagon. Part of the
time the hippo is dry, but the rest of
the time he's just pleasantly moist.
The amphibiOus style of abstinence
appeals to me greatly ! have strong
ideas of forming the Hippo Riding and
Driving Part Time Temperance club
and putting the Puritanical and mar
row-minded water wagon back into the
same class with the high wheel bicycle
and the Deadwood coach.
Forty days ago l said 10 myself:
Wine is a mOcker. especially the kind
Of wine you get at a siXty-cent table
Afhafa nd ct Ivfn Of
is generally raging. Moreover. in the
end il biteth like a serpent and sting
eth like an adder-like a patent adder
stings you when the bOokkeeper is
using it to figure up your account for
incidentals at a summer hotel. | shall
cut it out during Lent. Maybe I'll cut
II out forever
That's what l said to myself Larry
and when you came in that evening
was, as | recall, humming that jolly
old drinking song as revised by the w.
G. T. u, entitled Fifteen Men, on
Dead Mans Chest. YO-HO, and a Bot
tie Of Citrate of Magnesia.' You made
me a proposition touching on a mild
libation at the shrine of Bacchus, Gam
brinus. o. f. c. Taylor & Co. Do you
remember how sternly I rebuked you.
as | cOldly stated that there was posi-
lively nothing dOing?"
Yes, and the very next time | seen
you, you was stewed, said the House
Detective.
Not stewed, Larry" corrected the
Hotel Clerk Il may have been gently
simmering, but | submit that | was
not stewed. The drouth lasted two of
the longest and most arid days 1 ever
recall / had a feeling inside of me
like new fountain pen. So / decided
To indulge i'm a little of the harmless
fluid known as creme de menthe. II
gave me a pleasing breath. like cam
phor ball, and it had a soothing taste
going down, but somehow the green
tint didn't seem to match the preva-
lent color scheme of my thirst. / had
a dawning conviction that the stage
setting demanded a red interior-and
got il. But that's the only way to
deny yourself, Larry. Do it, but do it
without being fanatical.
It's the same way with the eXhil-
arating indoor sport known as draw
poker. About once i'm so long, l find
myself making a high resolve to quit
poker following on session where the
utmost skill and finesse on my part
has still been fraught with dire dis
aster as opposed to the well nigh in
comprehensive luck of some mere
novice; or else it's after I've shattered
my brave three-masted bark against
one of those human icebergs with a
cold glittering eye, who always says
he only plays for the fun of the thing.
but invariably puts on a style of parlor
magic which enables him TO vanish
with the only materials thatll buy the
said fun. I've been that way since 1
was a boy
we were a bright set in our home
town, bright and spontaneous-but al
ways brighter and more spontaneous
Just after the Primrose q West min
strels had been at the opera house.
And we had rich sporting fluid coursing
through our veins. There was but one
among our merry number that had
what you might call a calculating ma
ture. AS soon as he sat in and took
out a large stack, for a dollar-small
stacks were 30 cents-theTe was some
thing about his manner that seemed TO
tell you he was going TO need a pair
of felt insoles before the evening end
ed. Even at that early stage he played
en- in such close proximity to himself
that he had to unbuttOn his vest to
read the spots. He subsequently be-
came trust company president. and
as he cannot bear confinement, he is
now travelling for his health in coun-
tries where the eXtradition processes
are defective. But even at that time,
when little more than boy, he would
manifest a conservatism regarding the
uplifting powers of full house that
was perfectly incOmprehensible to me-
because I've always been able to detect
great deal of leverage in a simple
two pair. And along toward the shank
of the evening he would be overtaken
by chronic suspension of circulation
below the ankles, and he'd fade away,
leaving me and the others contemplate
ing large mutual deficit and a debili-
tated kitty Of the Maltese variety. |
say Maltese, Larry, because the word
suggests a double cross. Clever con-
ceit, is il not?
1T is not? Oh. very well. envious
one-I can tell when a crouch is sore
because I've beat him TO a palpitating
one But as to poker playing, the hab-
IL OF swearing of and the habit of get
ting on again have ever walked hand
in hand with me through life / notice
that when have annexed a tidy little
winning | am able to look with more
tolerance upon the vice than when l
emerge from temporary smokehouse
a $40 a. M, with a taste in my mouth
like u brass key ring and a deem dim