Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1908-04-30
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The ordinary political convention is
collection of wild animals, whose an
tics are extremely amusing, but abso-
lutely without form and void. Nothing
outside of cage full of monkeys can
present such an example OF futile ac-
tiyity. Each delegate is duly ticketsd
and loaded with his proper credentials
and fondly imagines that he really is
of some Importance in the gathering;
that is, he does If he is green
hand. If he is a seasoned campaign
er, he knows that he merely repre-
sents the people," and the chairman
and secretary of the convention rep.
resent" the delegates, and the "boss.
es' represent" the chairman and ,sec-
rotary BY means of this sliding scale
OF actual power it will be seen that
1 the bosses" represent the people!
1t was my deep delight to have at.
tended a number of political conven-
lions. The will of the people" stood
about "deace high" in the political
deck The will of the bosses" was
always the ace" and it could be and
was turned from the bottom or top
| just as the emergencies demanded.
| Imagine a long. low, rakish hail, the
! atmosphere Wavy blue with tobacco
! smoke. AiSles are cut through to the
| platform, generally three in number,
to admit of committees on this, that
! and the other to go forward to the
! platform and hand in their cut-and-
| dried communications. The different
wards and districts are ranged about
the hall, each with its particular spot
to stay in, like checkers on a board
| before the game begins. Many of
! these delegates are in their shirt
sleeves. and many are talking wildly,
| gestiCulating powerfully and in other
ways molding the destinies of their
| country. The very few who are not
smoking are choking
On the platform are two tables, at
which the chairman of the convention
! sits, he having been chosen by the
! powers that be. He is a mere puppet
in their hands, understanding what
they want, and at any and all times
| ready to carry ont their wishes The
| secretary is a mere echo; the assist
ant secretaries mere assistant echoes.
! Two or three highly respectable
stoughton-bottles of various titles sit
on the stage to deceive the unintelli-
gent observer into the belief that
things are ION the square" A pitcher
of water is on the chairman's desk,
for he will open the convention with
a speech. In that speech he will glori-
fly the proud history of his own party
and skin, salt and nail to the political
smoke-house the hide of the opposite
party. This Is a species of buncombe
which is always INDUCED in.
Sometimes a convention is opened
with prayer. This is something which
cannot be touched on at length for
the devil himself could not conceive a
more grotesque blasphemy. Most con.
Ventions are opened with political
"jimmies,' being burglarious aggrega-
tons, brought together for purposes
of plundering men of their political
rights. The chairman has his speech
carefully learned by heart, and he is
invariably eloquent, pungent, witty,
scholarly, terse, dense, fowery and
iong-winded But he finally subsidies.
and then, after the committees re-
ports and the platform are finished,
and some more political red tape is
gotten through with, the work of
nominating candidates is begun. But
before the convention has reached the
point of being ready to vote there
have been a number of battles fought
to finish before the various commit.
tees on credentials.
In certain wards of the cities, or
certain districts in the country, there
may be dispute about some dele
gates, these claiming the right to rep
resent the people," those putting IN
counter-claim for recognition. In
such cases, contests are begun and
the respective claims thrashed out be
fore the committee on credentials
which have the power to review these
disputes in the various districts OF
wards.
No one but the contestants and the
committee and the other delegates arr
ALLOWED in the committee rooms IL
these contests, ii being a sort of fam
lily affair Usually, the contests are
determined according to the way tn,
bosses" want them to be decided
but if it doesn't matter about a vot,
or two, the bosses" allow the com
mittee to do as they please. Evidenc,
is heard. speeches are made, and TIL
, committee picks the winner.
The bosses" keep accurate tab
, on the number of votes they need
but are ready to achieve results b
. any means they consider necessary
,One unseated delegate rushed madl
a up to boss" on the floor of the cor
vention and screeched out: "Wha
dye mean by THROWN me out? Their
amt no contest on me at all" TIL
boss" looked smilingly down at tn
fiery face of his questioner, su
mounted by its bright red covering :
locks and responded easily, GRACEFUL
and most urbanely: Il don't like til
color of your hair" And the delegat
remained "unseated" Men were Il
out of their delegations for any or n
reasons The only question was |
have the majority, or at least the lou
. est and most pugnacious mincrit
This latter, with the able aid of ii
chairman and the secretary, will en-
BILE any combination 70 jam throue
/ the nomination of their candidates.
Surprising, for instance, that Smii
is the candidate the bosses wan
and Jones the opposition candidat