Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1908-06-04

MIS- JuStwed-Why are these eSgs
so small? Grocer Dickelwurst-I t'ink
dey were took from der nest too soon
Observation-Disclosures Ledger.
Ieacher-Johnny, what do you un-
derstand by that word ''deficit?' Its
what you've got, when you haven't as
much as If you just hadn't nothin'."
Hook-I understand he married a
cool million. Cook--Yes; but he's COM
planning now because he hasn't been
able to thaw out any of it.-Illustrated
Bits.
SIS your husband having any luck
at the race track?" "Some luck" an
swered young Mrs. Torkins. HE hasn't
taught cold nor had his pockets picked"
Star.
''Why is it?" asked the dear girl,
that the bridegroom's attendant is
called the best MANI" 81 suppose it's
because he is the best off, growled the
fussy old bachelor.
Mother-You and Willie have been
at my cherries again. / found the
stones in the nursery. Johnny-It
wasn't me, mother, cause 1 swallowed
all the stones OF mine.
Muriel - Would you marry for
money? Carsone-Not L; l want
brains. Muriel-Yes. 1 should think
so, If you don't want to marry for
Life.
"Your love- he cried, would give
me the strength to lift mountains I"
Dearest" she murmured, at will only
be necessary for you to raise the
dust Town Topics.
Tell me, brother, is it possible to
let Robert know that am an heiressf"
elias he proposed to your Yes"
well, you may be sure he knows 1t
Gossip.
at costs more to live than it did
years ago." said the man who COM
plains. "Yes," answered the man who
enjoys modern conveniences, 'but it's
worth more. "-Washington Star.
Professional Faster-I should like
to undertake a fast of four weeks in
this show of yours. How much will
you pay me? Snowman can't give
you any salary, but will pay for your
keep.
what would you do" asked the ex-
cited politician, "if a paper should call
you liar and thief?' "Well," said
the lawyer, "if I were you I'd toss up
q cent to see whether I'd reform or lick
the editor"
Miss Blondlock-How dare you tell
people my hair is bleached? You know
it is false! Miss Ravenwing-Yes,
dear, I know it is l told them it was
bleached before you got it.-Philadel-
phia InQnirer.
81 noticed she bowed to you. Is she
an old acquaintance" "Y-yes; we're
slightly acquainted, In fact, she's
sort of distant relation. She was the
first wife of my second wife's husband"
Chicago Tribune
Officer Flynn-An' so yeZ amt fake,
hey. How did yez lose yer soight? The
Blind Person-Oh, l was once on the
police force with orders from my cap
tain not to see anythin'. 1t got to be a
habit with me.-Puck
Lord Lewson-Why, Pat, there used
TO be two windmills there Pat-Thrue
for you, sir. Lord Lewson-Why is
there but one now? Pat-Bedad, they
took one down TO lave more wind for
t'other-London Tit-Bits.
He-Do you remember the night l
proposed to you? She-Yes, dear.
He-We sat for one hour, and you
never opened your mouth. She-Yes, l
dear. He-Ah, that was the
happiest hour of my life.-The Catholic
Mirror.
Kindly Old Gentleman-Well, my
little man, and what's your namef
The Little Man-Please, sir, dunno.
The Kindly Old Gentleman-Bless my
soul, you don't know? The Little Man
No. sir, please, sir; mother got mar
ried again yesterday.
Farmer Sacks-Here's letter askin'
about board for the summer, an want
in to know is thar a bath in the house.
What'll l tell 'em, Mirandy? His Wife
Tell 'em the truth Tell 'em If they
need a bath we'd advise 'em to take 1t
afore they come.-Harper's Bazaar.
every ballot must be counted" the
first speaker had declared. II agree
with the gentleman you have just
heard" began the one who followed,
''but | go as far as to say that in GER
tain emergencies some Of them must be
counted twice. "-Philadelphia Ledger
whats the matter with that old
hemp asked the guinea fowl. "She
looks worried" "Oh,' replied the ban
tam rooster "shes a temperance crank,
and she's worrying for fear some Of
her eggs will be used in the making of
gg,"-Catholic Standard and
Times.
speaking Of bad falls" remarked
Jones, 81 fell out Of window once,
and the sensation was terrible Dur
ing NV transit through the air real
" believe l Thought of every mean
act I had ever committed in my life"
Him. growled Thompson. you
must have fallen an awful distancew
81 was reading a magazine article
the other day. said the landlady. 'in
which the writer advanced the theory
that fully two-thirds of the diseases
that afIlict humanity are due to over
eating" "Well. guess that's about
right" rejoined the scanty- haired
bachelor at the foot Of the mahogany.
anyway, it is months since anyone
was sick in this boarding house,
Daily News
Rightly Named.
"Say, paw" queried little Tommy
~ ;- tho fNopo 90