davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12

writer. who shows how thfs is true not
only in the adjustment of time and
strength, but in the disposal of money
as well.
To live successfully one must live
to a scale-that is, things must be so
proportional that they will come out
right in the end. To give point to his
theory, the writer quotes the expert
ence of young lawyer and his wife
whose one extravagant wish was the
Possession of an automobile.
Their income was not large, but they
bent every energy to the desired end
and before long were able to purchase
the costly machine which was to be
their one luxury.
But having an automobile which ac-
commodated four people meant that
they often took their friends about,
either to the theater in town, since
they lived in the country, or out for
week end to their home, with frequent
drives and pleasant little supper par
ties en- route. Aside from the constant
cost of repairs and running, the ma
chine proved to be the means Of much
expense.
The point is the possession of the
machine brought them up on to the
wrong scale. The mere purchase of it
had not been as disastrous to their
financial ship as had the more lavish
scale of living into which it had
plunged them.
This living to scale and the right
scale at that, is one of the hardest
things that a woman has to do, for it
is very largely the woman, who con-
ducts the home, who sets the standard
Of living.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12
A PULPIT MALAPROP.
The Unfortunate Remarks of Cele-
hrated Clergyman.

A certain clergyman, widely known
and as widely honored throughout the
middle Atlantic states during his fifty
and more years of earnest and telling
labors (he has passed on to- his just
reward" within the past few months),
began his clerical career inauspicious-
~. That is to say, he was given to
the most unfortunate remarks and, it
must be added, saw their unintended
meaning the minute the words were
out of his mouth, acknowledging the
blunder by the hottest of bushes. AS
years passed and experience grew he
broke himself of the habit, if it Is so
to be called, but friends and parish
toner's Tin genuine affection and there
fore not in violation of the good old
RUE of nil nisi bonum, though, for OBJ
vious reasons, it is on this very ac-
count the more necessary not to give
the good mans name) still tell of the
slips of his youthful tongue.
The first such remark of record came
the second week after he had gone
into the pulpit of his first charge. He
was announcing a communion service
for the following Sunday, with confir-
nation in the evening, and he put it,
"The Lord will be with us in the fore
noon and the bishop in the evening"
At another time, when his congre
CATION had tried hard, but without sue
cess, to raise by contribution a sum
Of money to meet the interest charges
on the usual mortgage, he announced:
81 need not say here how much this
church stands in need of immediate
funds. We have tried to obtain these
in the customary way and have tried
honestly. Now we are going to see
what a bazaar will do
Perhaps his last faux pas came in
sermon directed against the very hui
man fault of vanity. MANY a good
woman comes in Gods house to show
off perhaps she doesn't quite realize
it, but the fact is unchanged)-to show
off her best Clothes" Then he glanced
across the crowded pews and added.
ST am thankful, dear friends, to see
that none of you comes here for SO un
worthy q reason"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12
A Minor Matter.

A young broker in Boston while Wis
iting a certain household in the Hub
not long ago encountered number Of
young women graduates whose CONVEX
sation suddenly turned to a discussion
of the development of the English
novel.
The dealer in stocks and bonds speed
lily found himself "out of it," Present
ly during a lull one young woman
asked him:
"What do you think Of Fielding, Mr..
Brown?'
ooh, fielding is important, of course
quickly responded the broker, 'but it
isn't worth much unless you've got
good pitchers and men who can hit the
ball."-Harper's Weekly.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12
Pear and ORANGE Preserve.

A dozen pears, a cup of sugar, the
Juice and q little Of the rind OF an or
ange. Peel and cut the pears and place
in the kettle. Put sugar and juice over
them, then another dozen, another cup
of surar and juice and rind, and so on,
as many as YOU wish to use. Fix them
at night and let them stand all night
In the morning put on the stove and
cook until the peel is tender. Do not
put in one drop Of water. Two and q
half dozen Bartletts win fl about six
pint jars.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12
EIIun,or
HIS MISTAKE.
Why Lawyer Bunsen Ceased to Be a
Kidder.

Why Lawyer Bunsen Ceased to Be a
Kidder.
BunSen was always a great kidder.
He isn't any more.
BunSen is a lawyer, although, Of
course, he is known by different name.
Don't ever get the idea, though, that
this didn't really happen just because
Bunsen's real name isn't mentioned.
Well, as we were saying, Bunsen
used to be pretty much of kidder
He would even kid his own patient
little wife, Those who care to read on
down little farther will learn why he
ceased to be q kidder.
One evening last week when Bunsen
got home his wife had a new hat to
show him. 1t was some hat. Any
body could have seen that it was the
final phrase in female headgear.
But Bunsen started in to make fun of
it. He said it looked as if it had been
trimmed by a cross eyed milliner on an
empty stomach. And he made a lot of
other disparaging remarks that were
extremely harassing to poor Mrs. Bun
sen. "D'je buy it sight unseen?" he
inquired. Say, how much do they
pay the girl that sold you that? She
ought to have a raise. Any girl who
could put that one over customer
must be something of smooth sales
lady, I'm here to remark"
Mrs. Bunsen was almost in tears.
Bunsen had to go into the other room
to have a quiet laugh at her expense.
oh, he was the great kidder, ali right!
The next day, though, he had for
gotten all about the hat.
The day after that he was reminded
Of his little jokefest. Mrs. Bunsen
handed him a slip Of paper when he
came home to get his victuals that
evening. 1t was bill for retrimming
that hat-$18.34 it came to.
Bunsen paid it without murmur
and said the revised edition Of the bat
was just exactly right He isn't max
ing fun Of hats any more.-Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12
A Rackhanded Compliment.

The following backhanded compli-
ment, paid to DR.. Edward Everett
Hale, is said to have been very much
enjoyed by him:
In his younger days he was about to
leave parish, and a good old lady was
hewailing the fact and insisting that
the church would be ruined thereby.
DR.. Hale, says Judge, flattered by her
words and manner and wishing to con-
sole her, said:
But, sister, the man who will sue
coed me is a fine preacher and splen-
did fellow. You'll soon see that every
thing is all right and get used to it,
mo, no, ! won't she answered tear
fully. L don't get used to this chang
ing. I've seen six changes in preachers
now, and it's got worse and worse all
the time"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12
Meteorological.

Little Carleton was q child of the
south, having been born in Mexico. and
lived there until he came to 1.-The
States" with his parents when four or
five years of age But. though unar-
quainted with the American climate
he had been brought up on good Ameri-
can customs and foodstuffs. The first
sight of snow excited him greatly. Aft
er looking out of the window earnestly
he turned and exclaimed:
"Oh, Aunt Betty, see the popped rain
dropsv-Woman's Home Companion.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12
Dictionary of INSTRUMENTATION.

Aviator-An aeronaut before he DROP
on something hard.
Cheese-Hard hearted milk.
Dumb Waiter-An automatic waiter.
Deaf Waiter-One who hasn't been
tipped.
Icicle-A twenty cent piece of ice.
Icicles-Words exchanged between
Parsons and Hughes.
Milk-A white liquid usually found
on your doorstep by some one up ear
lier than you.
Milk Punch-A drink the COW would
never recognize.-Wex Jones in New
York American.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12
WOrn1an'sWOrld
MRS. HERBERT ASoUfTH.
The Brilliant Wife of the Premier of
England.

The Brilliant Wife of the Premier of
England.
1t would probably be no exaggera-
ton to say that Mrs. Asqaith, wife of
the premier of England, is the most
brilliant woman In England. AS a girl
she was so brilliant that young men
fought shy of her, and she was always
to be found surrounded by elderly
statesmen or middle aged men of ire
mendous learning and sparkling wit.
There was nothing of the bluestocking
about her, though she could talk enter
tainingly on any subject. She was
dashing, volatile, spirituelle, delight
fully inconsistent and possessed fund
of deep womanly sympathy that en-
deared her to men who were really
great. The friends of her girlhood
were such men as Gladstone, Tenny-
son and Balfour The German en-
peror rode with her in Hyde park and
danced endless waltzes with her at
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12
In the Future,

Don't be foolish about it." eXclain1-
ed the young bride. He's merely all
old flame of mine''
''Indeedr' cried her aged but wealthy
husband. 81 suppose you dream of his
tender advances yetY'
NO." she replied. with a far away
look, mot yet" - Catholic Standard
and Times.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12
IEMMIE'S BEAUTIFUL DREAM.

When Jimmie's turn had come to bat
He heard a mighty shout.
The bases were all nicely filled,
And not man was out
Jim gave the plate a sounding whacll
And caught the pitchers eye,
The pitcher turned all sorts Of shapes.
Then let the spit ball fly.
Jim swung the bat with giant force
And hit the ball just right.
You should have seen it split the air
And disappear from sight.
Then Jimmie started for his run
He flew just like bird
But when he tumbled out of bed
He hadn't got to third.
-Yonkers Statesman.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12
His Trick Doa.

One day as a doctor was driving into
a village he saw man a little the
worse for liquor amusing a crowd Of
spectators with the antics of his trick
dog. The doctor watched him awhile
and said:
SANDY, how do you manage to train
your dog? 1 can't teach mine to do
anything"
Sandy, with the simple look in his
eyes so common in some rustics, said:
"Well, you see, doc, you have to
know more'n the dog or you can't learn
him nothing"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12
Mere Important.

"Ah, Mrs. Newcomb" said the up
pish Mrs. Subbubs, my many social
duties have prevented me from calling
upon you as I should. However, I will
surely return your visit some day
"Oh, that doesn't matter much,' re-
Piled Mrs. NeWcomb promptly, "but |
Go wish you'd return the groceries
you've borrowed from time to time. -
Catholic Standard and Times.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12
Bad News.

"What are you worrying about,
BagsbyY'
my wife,"
II thought she was at the seaside"
"She is"
"Any bad newsY'
'Yep. She's going to stay a week
longer"
'There's nothing bad about that"
"Wait. She writes that she has used
up all her money and can't get away"
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12
aSSured.

'G-g-good evening"" said the young
man, who had come to speak to the
girls father.
"Good evening"" replied the old gen
tleman. "You look a little nervous
How do you feel|
"Flattered,' replied the young man.
81 was afraid | looked scared to
death. Minneapolis Journal.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12
Real Dancer.

''There is the danger signal out on
those ropes" warned the life guard.
'And is it really dangerous out
there?" asked the bashful youth in the
oriole bathing suit.
"WelI / should say so! Sixteen
summer girls have proposed to young
men out there during the past month
1t is leap year, you know"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12

Buckingham palace, and she was a
friend of the car of Russia.
Margot Tenant was the third daugh-
ter of the late Sir Charles Tenant,
who made an enormous fortune in
Spanish copper mines and in the manu-
facture of chemicals.
Most people predicted that Miss Ten
nant would never marry. She had
been engaged by the rumor mOngers of
society several times, among the men
with whom her name had been linked
being Lord Rosebery and Arthur Bal
four, but she reached the age of thirty
and was still a maid. Then, in 1894,
society was amazed by the announce
ment of her engagement to Herbert
ASquith.
Mr.. Stead was truly prophetic then
when he wrote Of helping states
man to climb the sleeps that lead to
the premiership of the empire" for
Mrs. Asquith has guided her husbands
course with so sure and skillful hand
that he is today, thirteen years after
Mr.. Stead wrote those lines, premier Of
the empire.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12
The Strinu TO If.

"Why did you refuse me just now
dear?" said he.
ST wanted to see how you would
act" said she.
"But l might have gone without
waiting for an explanation" said he.
''I had locked the door," said she.-
Harper's Weekly.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12

better Tor the lips IMAM glycerm ana
rosewater in equal parts.
A famous beauty whose lips are
firm, red and healthy locking has
little trick Of painting the lips every
morning with glycerin and roSewater,
applied with little brush With this
she rubs the lips until they glow.
If glycerin does not agree with the
skin, pure almond oil is the best lotion.
Moistening the lips with cold water will
make them firm and rosy If they are
carefully dried, SO as to prevent them
from becoming chapped and rough.
Englishwomen have a way Of per-
Tuning the lips before going out in the
evening, and they claim that besides
pertaining the lips it is good for them.
This is the way they make their CO.
logne:
Put grain of musk in pint bottle
and add to it half an ounce of oil Of
rose geranium. Then fill up the bottle
with spirits of cologne. In a month
this perfume will be ready to use. A
drop or so Of altar of roses may be
added to the cologne. It should be ap-
piled sparingly to the lips.
Biting the lips is the worst thing one
can do
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12
al 2 Iananesa Auction.

Japanese auctions are conducted on
the silent plan. Each bidder writes
his name and bid upon a slip. of paper,
which he places in box. When the
bidding is over, says Home Notes. the
box is opened by the auctioneer and
the goods are declared the property Of
the highest bidder.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12
PRETTY Lips Hard to Acquire.

1t is harder to acquire and keep
pretty lips than it is many little points
which women strive for. One cannot
have pretty lips if they are not
healthy, and to be healthy the general
health must be good. If glycerin
agrees with the skin. there is nothing
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12

How to Acquire a Beautiful Figure.
Mrs. Sarah S. Jackson in the Design
er has a talk on how beautiful figure
may be acquired, and this is what she
says:
"One of the best ways to obtain a
graceful carriage and beautiful figure
is by practicing deep breathing in con-
junction with various exercises.
''The modern woman, whether she be
in the crowded city or the smaller
towns and country places, does not ex-
ercise enough, and as a consequence
her body suffers. Or perhaps she does
exercise vigorously in one particular di-
rectiOn, thereby developing one portion
at the expense of another. This is
wrong. She should be symmetically
developed throughout"
The writer then gives the following
exercise to be tried in the morning
when you first get up:
''Begin by bending your head over
to the right side as far as it will go,
and while holding it in this position
slowly turn it to the back, to the left
and to the front. Now reverse the
movement, keeping this up about ten
minutes"
For charging the arms she recon-
mends playing ball for ten or fifteen
minutes a day. Besides being capital
fun. you'll soon have lovely rounded
arms and be able to wear short sleeves.
Another exercise, called the fan eX-
ercise, is for reducing the waist. 1t is
also a good general developer of the
whole body. 1t strengthens the back,
benefits the lungs and makes the whole
body supple. This is the method:
Secure two little Japanese paper fans
and, standing in front of an open win
dow. draw a deep breath. filling your
lungs to their fullest extent. Now,
holding your breath, raise your arms
straight above your head, holding q
fan I'm each hand. Keep your knees
perfectly straight and bend over until
the\ fans touch the floor; then recover
original position and eXhale.
This is TO be kept up for ten or fif-
teen minutes unless You are very
tired. Tt is we'll to bear i'm mind that
vigorous exercise. and Il great deal OF
it. must DO the order of the day. In
the development of the chest there are
many ways of obtaining the desired
extra inches. but massage and deep
breathing are al that is necessary, and
IL practiced for six weeks by the thin
chested girl the result viii be surpris-
ing.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12
NnIv q Mould BE.

Priscilla-There goes thai naughty
Mrs. Van Horn. She claims to be a
prominent woman.
Penelope Prominent? Pooh, Why.
she cannot boast Of even one camera
being smashed when she appears in
public.-HOuStCn Post.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12
Would Be an Objection.

''Does your wife play bridge whist?'
ST don't know" answered Mr.. Meek
ton. But l don't think so. ! under
stand there are times in the game
when you have to keep quiet and let
your partner play your hand I'm sure
that wouldn't suit Henrietta. wash
ington Star
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12
A Matter Of Course.

''Why do you think he is in love with
you?"
why" replied the girl who had pre-
yiously discovered that she was pref
~, "why shouldn't he be?" - Smart
SET
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12
.Econcmv

whats the matter with the man
ager?'
Another one Of his hts Of economy
Two flakes Of paper snow blew off into
the orchestra. and he's roasting the
property man. Boston Globe
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12
Renrieve.

'fWhat! Divorced already? Why, my
dear fellow, I supposed you were up
against it for life"
NO | got time allowance for bad
behavior. Puck
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12
Chance Of Soane.

Redd-I suppose you don't go to the
same place every day in your automo-
bile?
Greene-Oh, no; were in a different
court nearly every day! - Yonkers
Statesman.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12
possii,ilities e Tie c.naa.

Does it require much physical .cour
age to play basebal?" asked the Eng
lish visitor
THAT depends. answered Miss Cay
enne, ION how big a man the umpire
happens to be. Washington Star.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12
Livinq to Scale.

A recent editorial in magazine de-
voted to women is headed with the
words Living to Scale"
life is a rule in proportion, says the
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12
The Plain Girl.

Volumes could be written about the
unnecessary sorrows Of the plain girl.
Not one girl in a thousand Is ugly, but
a large proportion are what might be
termed badly turned out. Now, If the
plain girl only knew 1t, this is her
golden age. Things have advanced
since the days of our grandmothers,
when the pensive, delicate creature
that sighed and arched her brows and
was wonderfully fair to look upon not
only demanded but commanded the
slavish worship of men. After all,
there is no phase Of femininity so at
tractive as the plain girl that is as
neat as a row of new pins and whose
wits have been sharpened by the fact
she has no beauty to trade on or fool
ishly offer as a substitute for brains.
OF course there are men who always
will follow in the train of prettiness,
but it may be taken almost as an in
variable rule that if happiness does
not come to the plain girl before mar
riage it comes to her after marriage.
for the plain girl usually wins the dis
eliminating man, the man who is fully
awake to the truth that beauty is only
skin deep. In the ranks Of society
within the last few years the plain girl
has bad things practically her own
way. She has defeated her lovelier
sister time after time in fair competi-
ton for desirable matches, and she has
done it simply because the plainness
which is her secret sorrow has driven
her TO mental alertnesS.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12
Weeds or FIowers?-A Word to Girls

Weeds or FIowers?-A Word to Girls.
Nothing but plenty to Go can posi-
bly, keep our minds fresh and sweet
and wholesome and strong and hence
strengthening for others. Feeling is
the only part of a womans nature
which will develop of itself. Her mind
will not grow unless definitely Guilt
waited, and no more will her conscience,
but if she leaves the field fallow
weeds of foolish feelings and fancies
spring up on all sides.
This is why it is your duty not to
allow yourself to be idle, not only be-
cause God expects you to bring your
sheaves with you at the last day, but
because your field cannot stand empty.
If good grain is not there, weeds will
be. And manual work-gardening or
housework-gives more fresh air to the
mind than anything else.
If you ever, as Punch expresses 1t,
find your doll stuffed with sawdust,"
if life seems a disappointment and you
are a prey to foolish fancies and have
lost your spring, then try being really
tired out in body by useful work and
see if you do not find it an effectual
tonic.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-09-12

Washington (who is taking his leave)
-Aw, it seems to me. Miss Morleigh,
I have fawgotten something. Aw-let
me see.
Miss Morleigh = Your gloves, per-
haps?
Mashington-Oh, no. Now wemem-
bah. Aw-will you mawwy me?
Herald want ads pay.
The Washington bee., 1908-04-04
HINTS ON CANNING
REMEMBER THESE WHEN PUT.
TING UP FRUIT.
Nothing But the Best Materials Should
Be Used If Good Results Are
Expected-Neyer Attempt
to Hurry Work.

l. Don't make a mistake and wait
until the special fruit in season is
nearly over and then pay the highest
prices for it.
2. Don't think oyerripe, soft fruit
makes good preserves or jellies.
3. Don't ever use anything but the
best materials for good results.
4. Don't use what is called "A" or
soft" white sugar or brown; use
granulated white sugar for preserves
and jellies.
5. Don't use granuIated sugar for
spiced fruit; use light brown only.
6. Don't make spiced fruit too sweet;
four pounds of light brown sugar to
seven pounds of fruit is a good proper.
tion.
7. Don't use an overabundance Of
spices-too much makes it taste bit
ter.
s. Don't cover preserves. or jellies
while cooking-they are apt to boil
over.
9. Don't use cold sugar for jellies;
measure the strained fruit juice; to
each pint allow one pound of the best
granulated sugar, put it on platter in
a warm oven to heat, and add it to the
boiling liquid
10. Don't use jars or glasses for pre-
serves that have been used for pick
les
II. Don't put hot preserves in cold
glasses or jars and not expect acci'
dents; have the glasses or jars In
scalding water. rinse well. then I'LL as