Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1908-10-08
How He
ooIed Her
BY Max Adeler.

ought to. So one day he went up to
the city after leaving word that he
would be gone two or three days.
While there he arranged with friend
to send telegram to his wife at
certain hour announcing that he had
been run over on the railroad and
killed. Then Bungay came home and,
slipping into the house unperceived he
secreted himself in the Closet in the
sitting room to await the arrival of the
telegram and TO see how Mrs. Bungay
took it. After awhile it came, and he
saw the servant girl give it TO his wife.
She opened ii, and as she read II she
ssve one little start. Then Bungay
faw smile gradually overspread her
features. She rang for the girl and
when the servant came Mrs. Bungay
said to her:
Mary, Mr.. Bungays been killed,
I've just got the news | reckon I'll
have to put ON black for him, though
hate to give up my new bonnet for
mourning. You just so round to the
milliner's and ask her to fetch me up
some of the latest styles of widows
bonnets, and then bring the under.
taker here"
While Mrs. Bungay was waiting she
smiled continually, and once or twice
she danced around the room and stood
in front Of the looklng-glass, and Bun
gay heard her murmur to herself:
Il amt such badlooking woman,
either. / wonder what James will
think of me-"
James," thought Bungay, as his
widow took her seat and sang softly,
as II she felt particularly happy.
Whom the thunder's James? She
certainly can't mean that Infamous old
undertaken, Toombs? His names James
and he's widower; but It's preposter-
GUS to suppose that she cares for him.
or is going to prowl after any man for
q husband as quick as this"
While he brooded in horror over the
thought, Mr.. Toombs arrived. The
widow said:
''Mr. Toombs, Bungay is dead; run
OVER by locomotive and chopped all
up"
very sorry to hear 1t, madam:
sympathize with you In your afilic.
ton"
Thank you; 1t Is pretty sad. But
don't worry much. Bungay was poor
sort of a man to get along with; and
now that he's gone I'm going to stand
1t without crying my eyes out. Wen
have to bury him, 1 s'pose. thought"
THAT is the usual thing to do In
such cases."
well, ! want you to tend to 1t for
me. reckon the coronerll have to sit
on him first. But when they get
through, II you'll just collect the pieces
and shake him into some kind OF
bag and pack him into coffin, I'll be
obliged"
Certainly, Mrs. Bungay.
Il will attend to it,"
"And, Mr.. Toombs, there Is another
matter. Mr.. Bungay's life was insured
for about $4,000 and want to get II
as soon as possible, and when | get
1t shall think of marrying again"
Indeed, madam"
"Yes; and can you think Of anybody
who'll suit me?"
Il dunno. | might. Twenty thou
sand, you say he left?"
Twenty thousand--yes. Now, Mr..
Toombs, you'll think me bold, but
only tell the honest truth when l say
that / prefer widower, and a man
who is about middle-age. and In some
business connected with the ceme-
teries."
How would an undeptaker suit
you?"
81 think very well, II could find
one. / often told Bungay that wished
he was an undertaken"
well, Mrs. Bungay, It's a little
kinder sudden; ] haven't thought much
about 1t; and old Bungay's hardly got
fairly settled in the world OF the here
after; but business Is business, and IL
you must have an undertaken to love
you and look after that life insurance
money, 1t appears to me that am just
about that kind OF man. Will you
take me?"
"oh, James! fold me to your bo-
SOM"
James was just about to fold her
when Bungay, white with rage, burst
from the closet, and exclaimed:
"Unhand her, villain! Touch that
woman and you die! Leave this house
at once, or I'll brain you with the
poker! And as for you, Mrs. Bungay.
you can pack up your buds and quit.
I've done with you; / know now that
YOU are a cold.hearted, faithless, abo-
minable wretch! Go, and go at once!
/ did this to try you, and my eyes are
opened"
Il know you did, and concluded to
pay you In your own COIN"
That's too thin. 1t won't hold wa.
ter"
Its true, anyhow. You told Mr..
Magill you we're going to do 1t. and
he told me-"
'He did, hey? I'll bust the head off
of him."
when you are really dead ] will be
a good deal more sorry, provided you
don't make such a fool of yourself
while you're alive"
"You will? You will really ne sorry?"
"Of course"
"And you won't marry Toombs?
Where Is that man Toombs? BY George.
I'll go Cor him now! He was mighty
hungry for that life insurance money!
Then Bungay left to call upon
Toonlbs, and when he returned he
dropped the subject. He has drawn
up his will so that his wife Is cut OF
with dollar If she employs Toombs
as the undertaken.
Advancement in Turkey