davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1908-04-10
Chalking Up a Race.

TWO Irishmen were about to run n
race to n certain tree by different
routes. Suddenly Mike slapped Pat
on the back and asked how they were
to tell who reached the destination
first After moments thought, Pat
answered.:
81 tell yez. Mike, IL get there first
III make n mark on that tree with this
chalk. and if you get there first. you
can rub II out."-Judge's Library.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1908-04-10
Poor Lad.

The following conversation is said TO
hnyc taken place In Boston elevator:
Old Lady-"Don't you ever feel sick
going up and down Ia this elevator ail
day" .-rr
Elevator Boy-'Ycs'm."
Old I.ahy-''r is motion OF the
going down. ...
Elevator Boy-"No'm'
Old LRdy-TThc motion OF going
mn" .i
Elevator Boy-"No'm."
Old tady--Thc stopping"
Elevator Boy-"So'm."
Old Lady What is II them
Elevator Boy-"The questions
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1908-04-10
Tie
General Demand

Of the we.lnfof@-d OF the World Ass
ai~ays been I'd . .impir. pleasant and
efficient liquid laxative r-medy of kDovn
value; = laxative which physicians could
sanction for family use because its COM
ponenv parts are known to them to be
Wholesome and trLy beneficial in effect.
acceptable to the system and gentle. yet
prompt. in action.
In supplying that demand With its ex-
eellsnt combination Of syrup Of Figs and
Elixir al s-nns. the California Fig syrup
ca. psoseesis along ethical lines and relies
on the merit. Of the laxative for is remark
able success,
That Is one of many reasoas shy
Syrup Of Zig. and Elixir Of s-nns1s given
the preference by the weli.in!onAd.
To e., Il. beneficial effects always buy
the genuine manufactured by the CALI
fornia Fig syrup CO.. only. and for sais
by all leading druggists. Price fifty cents
PR bottle. ti.i.a
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1908-04-10
Gaxssseer humoe.

Many specimens Of unconscious hu.
NOR aF. received by the editors Of that
monumental work. the nav Imperial
Gazetteer OF India. A district was
said TO be "an extensive rolling plain.
cunsis;in. OF alternate ridges OF bare
stony hills and narrow fertile valleys"
An interesting item OF natural history
was afforded by the remark. the buf.
falo differs from the COW In giving a
milk which II richer In fat. In voice.
and In having no hump."-London
Globe. s
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1908-04-10
No Use for Mules.

In spec ch In the House OF Repre-.
scn'atlv"s Mr.. Olmstcnd of Pennsyl.
yanin explained why there Is no mar
Lct Tor Missouri mules in Washington.
"Snn" time ago he said, "a member
from Missouri had letter from con-
siitucnt asked what price he could OBJ.
tain for carload OF mules n this city.
He replied that the street cars were
run by electricity and the government
by jaekasses. So he said there was no
use for mules In Washington
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1908-04-10

eoiored and had = sediment. When
wished TO eat my wife had to raise
me up in bsd. Physicians were an-
able TO help me and vas going do~n
last shsa ! began USING Dosn's Md
nsy Pills, After . short time ! felt
. great improvement and am nos as
strong and healthy as . man could be.
sive Doan's Kidney Pills all the
credit for it,
Bold BY all deaiess- 50 cents . bog.
vosieF' 'Miibasn Co. Buffalo. n. Y.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1908-04-10
Not Runnina.

4 West Philadelphia woman had
not heard the clock strike once dusias:
last Sunday afternoon. and thinsins
pcsehancc Il had stopped she seat her
hopeful. a little boy about ave years
old. downstairs TO scc II II were run
ming.
The little tot went down on the Of
rand. and. after a has'y survey Of tho
long pendulum swinging back and
forth. he ran back TO his mother with
this information:
why. no. mamma: the clock aia''
runn!a'. it's standia' st!li and wasEln
its tall
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1908-04-10
Good Advice.

Il haven't any money" said tho
sccdy ~ayfar.r. but II you'ii row IN.
across the river I'll give You an es-
e.cdinsiy vaiuabi. piece Of advice
when We reach III. other side
TIL. fcrryman nj las, consented.
As the traveller sprang up III. opps-
sit. bank he rewarded III" f-rryman
with the following bit OF useful coaa.
sci:
Never take any on. across who
can't pay"
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1908-04-10
Aoreed With Him.

III Ihh rafisn undertakes to pull
my .ars." said "a fellow at a stree, cor
n~r. "he will have his hands full,
The crowd looked a, the mans ears
Snr smIIs,i
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1908-04-10
Ate sau,,oe. TO Win Wife.

When Heinrich was courting Mary
he had rival. one Johann Hermann.
The two met one evening ut her home
and got into dispute as to their Gu.
pacity for frankfurters.
In the demonstration which followed
both ate A links. when Johann be-
came Ill and had to retire hors de com.
bat. Johann will act rs best man at
the wedding.-Exchange
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1908-04-10
Died on the Way.

Noang Daughter isasiiyl-Oh. mann
ma. the letter sent TO st. Nicholas las,
Christmas died on the Way.
siothsr-what leads you io believe
u dieig
Young Dsushtsr-'Canss the post
man :ss' brought ii hack from the dead,
lstisF offies.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1908-04-10
The Police Escort.

when tho illuSgFiouR visitor arrived,
a. the guest Of the town. aud Was be-
ing received by the reception commit
e." at IN. railway station. he saw.
drawn lp In military position. t~o iong
lines 1f stllsaFi policemen,
What asr these policemen for h"
Inquired 4 committeeman near him.
~'rhry Fr. here To escort YOU through
th" rrus l. was III" answer.
To cReort me through tho crowd
All IhuS. policemen" he exclaimed.
aud added. with a twinklin. eye. do
thvy take ne for a baseball ur.pirc!
Meet me a, the Albany Fountain 9
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1908-04-10
NOTHING MORE TO SAY.

Pardon my question. but how do
you know your wife do~sn't wish you
to iakc out Insurance.
well. IN toll you She's got . no.
i!on I'm going TO survive her and that
Il will bc collected BY No. 90
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1908-04-10
Down to Earth.

Knicker-I know n man who can GER
tainly sweep the state.
Mrs. Knicker-Well. / want you to
go to the intelligence office and get
girl who can sweep the parlor-New
York Sun.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1908-04-10

Two secrets of popularity arc keep
a cheerful courage burning and say
nothing but pleasant things about peo-
pie or. say nothing al all.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1908-04-10

complaints for nisEs
years. and cannot
tell uhs, agony I
eadured from back
ache, My II H b s
~ers swollen twice
natural size and my
sight Sas weaken
tnk, The kidaey ss-
efegi0hs were dis
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1908-04-10

Did you ever hear a man with an
obese bank balance say that the love
Of money was the root of all evil?
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1908-04-10
I, cu,., Whil. Yeu WAX.

Allsa'. Footka.~ 10 = certain cure fos
hot, sweating. eilloas. and swollen. ssh,ns
feet, Sold b. all Druggists Prize .r. nent
arsv,,, any substitute. Trial package fittst..
Addis.. Ali~n $. oln.,sd. II Roy. y. y.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1908-04-10

one OF the sights of Denver-the
"Albnny's" new Orange and Colonial
restaurants
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1908-04-10

At the Albany" Denver. you will
meet them all.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1908-04-10
RAISED FROM A eek SEQ.
Asss osiss N Invalid with Kidney
4 oisssssss for Many Year,

joha Armstrong. cioverpori. Ks,.
y1yu: WAS an invalid with kidney
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1908-04-10

The ancestor Of every action Ii .
ssouxhi.-Emcsson.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1908-04-10
-MoMe svy the saAvG.- ETC,
What We Nave Done.

What We Nave Done.
When 'hs hour OF death eomes-lhai
scTgs u high and tou siike-ihen II
\ not ~hAs 30 have done for ourselves
but wha, no have done for Others.
thar vs think on mos, pleasantly
siis Walter Scott.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1908-04-10

Meet me a, the Albany Fountain, .
Denver
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1908-08-18
LOSES PRESENCE OF MIND.
Guest, Though Forewarned, Puts
Hostess In a Predfcament.


Guest, Though Forewarned, Put.
Hostess In a Predicament.
An amusing anecdote was told by a
young matron the other day apropos Of
absent-minded persons. She had been
married only short time and was Civ
Ing luncheon to sorae of her mothers
friends. She was particularly anxious
to have everything go ~ well. that her
reputation as housekeeper might be
established. The little menu was made
out after much consultation with the
new French cook. She had trimmed
the table with her own hands and all
was In charming readiness, when at the
eleventh hour an old schoc. friend ar
rived from out of town and asked II
she could stay for luncheon. 1t was
most inconvenient. but the warm
hearted bride welcomed her.
stay, by all means, dear Amy" she
said But there is one condition.
Please do not take any chaudfroids
There was not enough chicken and the
cook has only just told me- These
A ACANh k<ORAC 4kC - CNOuOAA4A(0-- Out
after all. II you and both say No TO
them, they are sure to go around.
Don't forget dear"
Amy promised faithfully and went
upstairs to prepare for the party. The
guests arrived promptly and the lunch
een began with an excellent melon for
each The hostess, having been warn
ed against too much food. especially as
there was to be bridge afterwards. had
cut cut all the extras and limited her
dishes 10 the melons, cheese soufie
and the chaudfroids. The last she re-
fused when they came her way and
trembled at the small amount on the
dish There was not even any extra
aspic jelly, but she rejected with re-
licf that there woald be Just enough
when Amy refused Then, to her soz-.
TOR. she saw her absent-minded friend
not only take enc. but two. upon her
plate The waitress had not sufficient
presence Of mimi 10 halve the remand
er. so two wsss,e.as s---sHt Without any.
And / am sure added the narrator.
In conclusion. that they sn went home
hungry. Why. blush even now when
think OF lhat luncheon New York
Tribune
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1908-08-18
REFUSES TO GO 10 CIRCUS
Farmer Tells why Excitement 4.
Too Costly for Him.

Farmer Tells why Excitement II
Too Costly for Him.
In riding along the highway I no
ticed that all the barns were covered
with circus pictures and by and by,
when caris along to where an old
farmer was cutting weeds outside his
gate. asked:
swell, uncle I suppose you viii 80
to the circus next veek?"
II couldn't do tt he solernnly re
piled. accompanied by several shakes
OF his head
Are you afraid that the elephants
VIII break looseY' \
NO. I'm afraid OF myself
As to howT'
Last fall be said. as he straight
ened up TO lean ON the hoe handle. Il
went cooning one night In that corn
field over there. The dog routed out a
coon and the pesky varmint headed for
a tree that stood where you see that
stump. l had lust finished building
a $500 barn where you see that mess OF
timbers and boards The dog follered
the coon and follered the dog. It was
a biz. fat coon snd his peit was wuth
all OF 40 cents
7 see said I. SIS he made a long
pause
Il never knew that I was an ex.
citahle man before. but they sag they
heard NE heller two miles away. |
meant 10 have that varmins- When he
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1908-08-18
rHH RINArssANcE OF TEE KN1cKERBocKER.

islands along the shores there exists
great cod banks These are little
known and while they are now fshed
TO some extent 1t might be said the in
dustry is wholly In its infancy. When
we consider the enormous extent Of
these banks as compared with those off
the New England coast and the very
few fish now taken on them as COM
pared with the large numbers taken on
the Atlantic 1t can readily be seen to
what an extent this fishery can also
be expanded. Here also the element of
safety is greatly In favor of the in
dustry on the Pacific coast At present,
In q small way. both halibut and cod
are. shipped clear across the continent
to Boston and New York. With better
and cheaper facilities the markets OF
the United States will soon be opening
up to the Pacific.
The salmon fishing is now wholly
done for canning and In small way
salted. The extent TO which this part
OF the industry has grown. is more IA
miliar to the world than any other.
During the last few years the fresh
fish industry has made inroads even on
the cannery supply and mild cured sal
mon is now being shipped all the way
TO Germany for smoking. During the
last winter buyers from German
houses in Hamburg have appeared In
Alaska towns and eagerly taken al the
product they could secure This is but
beginning. and development In time
in the way Of improved means of trans
portation win extend the shipping Of
salmon fresh from the waters Of
Alaska to all parts Of the world.-pa-
cidc Coast Monthly.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1908-08-18
CURRENT NEWS NOTES.

Prof. Paul Radin of New York has
made Photographic records Of 40 Indian
songs and warwhoops.
William Blenz 16 years old. succumb-
ed to the bite Of mysterious insect at
the Harlem On. " hospital.
E. Fl. Hartman is considering the
erection Of q 50-stors building in New
York 10 house the Offices of his various
railroads.
Coroner Strope Of Troy, y. y, re
turf ed an open verdict in the case Of
Hsiel Drew. whose body was found in q
pond near that city.
As resvlt tf a quarrel over property
john Mole OF Philadelphia. aged 6. IA
tally shot AIRS Susan Stevenson. 8 neigh
Dor. and tbs shot himself. Mole is :.
pectess % recover.
Ex-Stase Senator Booth. his brother.
James H. Beosh. and Thomas E. Single
ton of Oregon, lvho were charged With
land frauds. have been acquitted by a
federal Jury N Portland.
State nilitiamen and negroes dashed
neax ReaosotA- Tel after soldier had
his ssxrH fraetGrea hT a brick thrown b.
! colored raan A dozen negroes were IN
Sured by the enragpa troops The man
who threw the brick was n0r captured
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1908-08-18

upon their horses and ride with him to
the field hospital. All this they do In
their regular drills with surprising pro-
aclency.
Army officers are already discussing
the practicability OF the plan The
most reasonable objection urged Is the
question OF being able 10 mount nurses
where every available horse is needed
for lighting and transport work. Most
OF the officers admit that the women
would be Invaluable II they could be
sQulpped and so maintained.
Admittedly II would be out OF the
question to have such mounted nurse
corps In desert lighting. such as Eng
Ilsh troops are frequently required TO
engage in. but on European battleields
there is no reason why they could not
be used 70 distinct advantage.
TIE islington brigade has been Of
ecla.ly invited to attend the next MILL
sary tournament. and II is by no meees
Improbable that they may ultimately be
the nucleus OF similar corps throughout
shs-army.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1908-08-18

ern that the body was loaded in the
fate defying way.
But the railroad man is not alone
in his belief in omens and charms. The
passenger also has d pet lot of super
stitions that defy logic and the persua-
sion of common sense. The belief that
the wearing of a white flower or white
ribbon protects travellers from accident
Is fairly widespread Some believe that
burning coffee just before leaving on
journey Is better than an accident poi
Icy, and in certain sections OF the South
some sery pious people will not under
take railroad trip without FIRST tying
copy of the sixteenth psalm uneer the
left arlnpit Putting a wisp OF straw
in the bottom of the trunk is believed
not only TO protect the baggage from
joss, but also insure the safety OF the
owner. Women sometimes pack their
stockings liz the trunk in a mystic cir
Gle, as protection from accident.
There Is superstition that it is I'M
lucky to lock the trunk before 1t leaves
the house, and with more apparent real
son. 1t is particularly portentous if the
trunk lid falls upon you while you are
packing
If a traveller loses his hat out Of a
car window there is compensation in
the knowledge that Ii means good news
from home. If a passenger happens to
pass derailed or wrecked locomotive,
II is the sign that he soon is 10 come
into possession of hidden wealth. To
see crow feeding on carcass is an
other lucky omen for a traveller.
If dust blows in persons eye while
on his way to catch a train it is a sign
Of accident on the trip. 1t is consid-
cred an ominous encounter for a person
hurrying to a train to meet a spectacle
wearing negro. 1T is also unlucky for
a traveller to cut his finger nails just
before starting on journey; disgrace
will oyertake him, and If a traveller
leaves home in a carriage for the station
it is simply inviting disaster for his
family or friends to watch him out Of
sight. To insure the safe return of a
nervous traveller it is only necessary
to tie an Irish knot in his handker-
chief but if he loses the knotted piece
Of linen he had better end his misery
by immediate suicide.
Here is an incantation which Pullman
conductors declare will insure slumber
on a sleeping car to even chronic in
somniacs. If repeated several times with
the eyes focused on the tip Of the nose !:
"A sleeper is that on which the
sleeper which carries the sleeper runs;
therefore, while the sleeper sleeps in
the sleeper the sleeper carries the sleep
err over the sleeper into the sleeper
which carries the sleeper, and jumps
off the sleeper by striking the sleeper
In the sleeper, ard there is 40 sleeper
in the sleeper
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1908-08-18
CONVICT RoBs HIMSELF.
John Murphy Causes Disturbanoe
mt Ford du Iar

John Murphy Causes Disturbances
at Ford du Lac.
Because he robbed himself and then
claimed saist somebody else had stolen his
money, John Murphy, who was released
from tic State 2enitentiary recently, was
arrested in Fond du Lac. Murphy en-
tered local saloon and upon learning
thai his companion, whom he had met
during the day. had $50 in bills Murphy
claimed that he had been robbed. The
police took both men into custody and
then peculiar state of affairs was re-
vealed. The ex-convict was searched, but
all that was found on his person was
about SO. He claimed to have had $71.30
when he left the State prison. For
time the police thought Murphy was cell
ing the truth and then they noticed
small protuberance just above bis belt.
Detective Fisher, upon opening tie pris-
oner's shirt, found that Murphy had
tucked the $50 that he claimed to have
lost beneath his belt. Murphy was seq
fenced to two years in the State prison
for grand larceny committed at Sheboy-
gan, it is understood.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1908-08-18
FIRE LOSS Is $500, 900.
Marinette Blaze Destroys $4,000, 900
Eoas

Marinette Blaze Destroys 100000
Feet of Eastwood.
A smoldering mass of ruins is all that
remains of the millions of feet of lumber
of the Sawyer-Goodman Lumber Com
pany, which were destroyed by fire in
Marinette. 1t is estimated that 15,000,-
600 feet of lumber were lost, valued at
100000. The loss is fully covered by in
surance. In addition to the lumber loss
there is heavy loss on tramways and
equipment and several million feet of
cedar logs were burned to the water line.
Charles Goodman and II. #. Goodman,
who were at Green Bay, made a record
trip to Marinette on Senator Stephenson's
yacht, Bonita. While the company suf-
fered great loss through the fire, it Is
probable that the people of Marinette and
Menominee will be the gamers. There
was some talk of shutting down the mills
because the yards were stocked beyond
their capacity. But the fire has cleaned
out large space and night and day
shifts will probably be run in piling new
lumber
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1908-08-18

woman Is the first to enter the train
at the beginning of the trip. They will
resort to ruse or diplomacy to avert
such an invitation of accident. They
will stop a woman with slow inquiries
about her ticket or destination In order
that masculine foot viii be the first
to ascend the steps. 1t is also consid-
cred bad luck for the train to permit
a cripple or hunchback to enter first.
A oDe-armed man among passengers
upon train is also viewed with sus-
picion as an omen of accident.
Sometimes careless fireman will let
the engine bell toll Such an untoward
accident means that some member of
the engineers family will soon die. Old
time engineers will not count the num-
Der of cars in q train as 1t rounds a
curve. 1t is considered bad luck.
As would naturally be expected from
the wide prevalence of the number 3
superstition, it occupies an important
place among railroad mems omens. 1t
Is the firm conviction of almost all
railroad men that when one man is
killed or injured In railroad work two
other fatalities or accidents will follow
In rapid succession. 1t is considered
unlucky, before two or three days have
elapsed, for a railroad man to take the
place Of another who has been killed
in an accident
Engineers see an omen of death upon
the trip If the headlight of their en-
CINE accidentally goes out as the en-
CINE Is leaving the roundhouse.
A left-handed engineer is viewed as
a hoodoo by many tralnmen. 1t is be-
lieved his presence in the cab invites
disaster, and old-time firemen and
brakemen seek transfer to other trains
as soon as left-handed engineer is put
on their run
Trainmen dislike the presence of a
corpse In the baggage or express cars,
just as sailors object to carrying a
corpse on board ship. But 1t Is consid-
cred particularly threatening to load
the coffin on a train with the feet OF
the dead person toward the engine. In
a recent wreck in North Carolina a
corpse was almost incinerated and
many persons were killed. 1t Is the
firm belief Of trainmen on the South
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1908-08-18

Perhaps the most superstitious class
of people In the United States are the
otherwise hard-headed, keen-witted
railroad men. They are fatalists by
circumstances of life of constant dan
ger. Death is a commonplace; acci-
dent and injury all In the days work
and line Of duty. Contempt Of death,
akin to that of the fanatic Mussulman,
but without tie allurement of the
black-eyed houri paradise. is bred by
familiarity, the neyer-endlng risk OF
life and limb, as told In the grim sta
ustics Of railroad fatalities. Many
bloody campaigns Of great wars show
fewer casualties than the annual death
and accident report Of the Interstate
Commerce Commission. This makes
life cheap and its risk and sacrifice
for so much per diem an incident The
railroad man lives in an atmosphere of
the fatal chance and nerve-teasing I'M
certainty. Death may be speeding to-
ward him and around the curve ahead !;
the next pounding of the massive .driy-
ers may strike a broken rail; the
tower signal man makes his awful err
rors III an almost unyarying average !;
the landslide and the tempered switch
are entirely beyond provision. And 1t
is this dominancy of chance, of the I'M
preyised, the unexpected, the unfore-
seen, utterly battling human ingenuity,
that makes the average railroad man
as superstitiously fatalistic as a whirl-
Ing dervish or a warrior Of the Mad
Mullah.
This environment of the fatal
chance, emphasizing human futility and
powerlessness, creates q rich soil for
omen, charm and fetch, and few rail-
road men can be found who are not In
oculated with the virus of protecting
superstition. Press them closely, and
seven out Of ten will confess 1t In a
half shame-faced half defiant way.
For instance, it is considered most
unlucky among engineers to take an
engine out for Its first run Friday or
on that fatal day to put the finishing
touches to 1t In the shop.
Trainmen, particularly brakemen of
the old school, believe 1t is bad luck If
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1908-08-18

freed ran for the ak. The old wom-
an came out and yelled at me, but /
chopped and whooped and whooped and
chopped, aid .nen the tree come crash
In down 1t smashed the barn as fat
as door nail and the coon got away.
Am l goln' to the circus? Wall, guess
mott I'm going to root up weeds and
hoe In the garden and be the quietest
man in this hull state for the next year
to come Baltimore American.