davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-08-08
AS STYLES CHANGE.

''You favor larger ships for the
navy?"
"Oh, much larger" replied the e0
pert.
But, what shall we do with our
present ships of the Delaware type?
Discard them?"
Those toys? Hoist 'em aboard and
use them as launches Philadelphia
Ledger.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-08-08
Land Gained from Sea,

The British Coast Erosion Commit
tee rejoices over the discovery that
the sea has added 30,752 acres to the
British Isles in % years and carried
away only 419 acres. The land cut
off has been valuable, however, while
the sandbanks added may remain use
less for many years.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-08-08
MEETING THE CONDITION.

Augusta" said Mr.. Wyss, when
the quarrel was at its height, you
have devised great variety Of ways
to call me fool"
Merely matter of necessity re-
piled Mrs. Wyss. "You have devised
so many ways of being one. "-Bohe-
milan.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-08-08
h YOU sayi
NECESSITIES

Dashaway--Pm going to house
party. Wonder what I need to take
along?
Cleverton-About quart of S. gold
pieces to tip the servants with, a
flannel shirt, dress suit, pajamas and
a half-dozen engagement rings.-Life.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-08-08
THAT PAINFUL LEG.

"Barney's wooden leg has been pain
ing him of late" said Scholes to his
wife.
HOW can that be-" said Mrs.
Scholes irrHably.
Mrs. Barney has been thrashing
him with it." was the explanation
Judges Library.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-08-08
@ T 9
Where the English
City Is Supreme
BY Fred erick Q. Howe.

PNFE the spos system. Jobs
S
during good behavior This real democracy of merit An
demanding city for himself
kSklJ
abcutas English
of
alongt these English
of
a
this of city We have
We
to thrifty commercial the English
capitalized Of
administration administration that oFous
n
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-08-08
THE GUEST.

Mrs. Duff Ito new maid) -But,
Mary, there are only two in the fam
Fly, Mr.. Duff and myself; why have
you set places for three.
The New Maid-Sure, ma'am, it
was the cook that told me you had
a pianer player in the house.-Har-
per's Weekly.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-08-08

THE DREAMS IN PLUNKVILLE.
''Tha heroine was tied to buzz saw
an the hero was locked in dungeon.
B'gosh, I thought her time had come"
''And what saved herr"
"Just then the sheriff walked in
an levied on the scenery. It broke
up the show, but that was better n
seem the gal sawed in twain
louisville Courier-Journal.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-08-08
THEY DO TT HERE, ANYWAY.

"a wife can do much to make
home happy said the visitor.
Yes answered Mrs. Torkins. But
it is a pity she can't exert an infu.
ence that will enable the home ball
club to win all the games. Wash
ington Star.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-08-08
A VERBAL. RRACER-

'My wife," said the first clubman,
ALWAYS mixes me a cocktail when /
go home feeling frazzled."
you're in luck" declared the sec.
ond clubman. ''The best I get is a
chin fzz." Washington Herald.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-08-08
AN uNsOLVED MYSTERY.

AN U4NBoO44F41II " . III =
'Have you tank in the building?"
inquired the inspector from the insur-
ance Office.
1--WE how" admitted the janitor.
whats the capacity?"
Faith. an OF niver bod money
enough to fond out. bohemian Mag
aZine.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-08-08
S. 3 TIE
~ pES TER
AT OUR HOUSE.

When father grabs the papeE
Nobody has a chance
To read a single headline,
Or even get glance
At sporting news or fashions,
But when he's through he'll say,
"Here, take the thing-there's moth
ing
Much in it, anyway"
Birmingham Age Herald.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-08-08
MAKING A DIAGNOSIS

Physician-From hasty examina-
ton, l am of the opinion that you
are suffering from clergyman's sore
throat.
Patient-The h you sayi
Physician (quickly)-But it is quite
possible 1 am wrong will look
again.-Bohemian
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-08-08

During the reign Of William and
Mary bachelors and widowers over
SO years were taxed 1 shilling yearly.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-08-08
GOOD MAN TO HAVE IN.

Lets invite him into our game"
"Oh, he's a hard loser"
"Still, he's always a loser kan
sas City Journal.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-08-08
DOESN'T FEAZE HIM

"That new preacher you have is
a pretty wideawake young man, isn't
hep"
yep. Keeps right on preachin'
when everybody else is asleep. -
Cleveland Leader.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-08-08
No NOPE HOMES

"What became of your magazine
for the homer"
at failed for lack of a field. What
should have started was a magazine
for the f1at."-Louisville Courier-Jour.
nal.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-08-08
IT'S DOUBTFUL.

"Women are beginning to use the
typewriter more in their personal cor
respondence."
''I wonder II It will stop them from
writing crfss-cross 2"-PittSburg Post.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-08-08

The German Emperor has a we'll
equipped pottery which brings him in
$4,000 q year.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-08-08

How a woman dislikes to have peopl'
tell her she Is getting fatI
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-08-08
e. @ sy
The Days Of the
Clippers Ship

BY Captain ArthJ1r H. ri
cppeship Is a the
China,
4 OF
n Civil
1881
which naVigated
by which man
the
Andev
twenyfour
while under
commercial
-IIarperss Magazine
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-08-08

"No, num- replied the Tired Tiff
fms, unthinkingly. Last week I wuz
lame, but dere wuzn't enuff in it."
Washington Herald.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-08-08


of
discover
trample everlasting
And then l the
boted Mankind
help The passing understanding
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-08-08
e. @ e.
How a Comets Tail Grow.c
BY Waldemar kaempffert

40 bridal veil flmy
cubic miles
of magcaly
transported this fair plume laboratories have dis
Of
o n
Of
to
i has
mighty
The appenage of shining
light gravation.Tarpers
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-08-08

MADE A CHANCE.
poor man! Have you always been
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1908-08-08
Mankind's Emancipation From Evil Was Presented
BY Julia Ward Howe

NE night recently experienced sudden awakening
vision of which
men and battling equalS united the upft
ing and emancipation of the from evil.
the evils of society
alnIv fnf
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-07-13
AYHAWKER JOTS

Clarks Creek Lutheran church is to
have a new large bell weighing 1000
pounds and which, IL is anticipated,
can be heard for miles around.
An Atchison man was being abused
for keeping dogs and cows in the city
limits. He came back with this ques-
ton: "Have 1 not just as good a right
the city limits as my neighbours
daughter has to play her piano nights
when 1 wish to sleep?"
A Concordia Blade reporter was out
seeing the sights the other day and
discovered three drunks on the streets
of that fair burg. He described them
as having peaceful and quiet jags and
declares that no one but the DRINKS
themselves know where they got the
booze. The class in journalism at the
Kansas university ought to be turned
loose in Concordia.
One of the assessors in the state was
worried over the fool returns required
in the assessment blanks. He didn't
see any sense in enumerating the cats
in the county, and he didn't see how
he was ever going to give them in
bushels. The printer who set the
blank explained that 1t was just lit
tie mistake on his part. that he put in
&C. instead of an 20" which made
"cats" out of "oats."
or less moment is told of by the
Americas Greeting in the following:
The raspberry crop is now ripe, but
the chickens are picking them. The
hawks are catching the chickens, the
people are shooting the hawks, the
city marshal is after the shooters, the
public is after the city marshal at all
times, and the wet weather is doing
the public up generally.
The Miltonvale Record tells story
of a freak of lightning that everyone
will be willing it should have the sole
credit for. 1t follows: Ed Lacy got a
close call last Tuesday night. During
the thunder storm he was sitting up
in bed and watching the clouds for
signs of cyclone. He had his VIM
dow open and his face pressed close
against the screen when a flash of
lightning came close enough to the
building to burn Eds nose and leave
him in a semi-conscious condition for
q fexr mOmentS.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-07-13

perience suggest. No ship has ever
pointed North more thoroughly equip
ped. so amply provisioned against
emergency. This ship and crew plus
Peary means success, If success is at
tainable.
And Peary is now at his best. His
long apprenticeship in the frozen zone
has made him master Of the art in liv-
ing there. He knows the ocean cur
rents. the head lands. the ice foes. the
people. He has lived among them for
years. The theory and practice Of
Arctic exploration is an open book to
him. By character and training he is
one man for the work now undertaken.
and realizing as he does that this is the
last opportunity to achieve the ambi-
ton of his lifetime. 1t may be expected
to be the supreme effort of his career.
But the Roosevelt Is only of wood.
Peary and his men are but flesh and
bone. There are dangers in the silent
North that human provision cannot
avert or human strength and skill
overcome. By good fortune only can
these be surmounted. And it is the
hope of everyone in the land that such
may be the fortune Of Peary and his
men.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-07-13
A BRIEF FOR THE SWORD

1t Is rather comforting to learn that
the German ministry of war has decided
that hereafter officers engaged In active
service shall wear swords After the
south African war rifles were substi-
tuted for side arms in the German
army. but when the struggle between
Japan and Russia was concluded mill
tary authorities contended that the ex-
perience of the former proved that the
moral value of the sword in distin-
gushing the officer from the private
outweighed the advantage of it's abb
sence which prevented the officer from
being singled out by sharpshooters.
Hence the return to the old order of
things where the commanders of the
kaiser's land forces are concerned.
There is rebuke in this for the
iconoclasts, that relatively small hut
aggressively progressive and exceeding
ly influential element, who are bent in
the destruction of faith in whatever
has long and effectively served its pur-
pose and the setting up of new stand
ards. pioneers in the field of discovery
who are constantly bringing down
about our ears cherished traditions and
theories that have stood the test of
time and insisting that we shall expert
ment as they may dictate Already
they have shorn conflict of much of it's
pomp and splendor and former glory,
and they will be doing away with it
altogether unless a restraining hand is
laid on them. few years ago they
drummed the drums out of the French
army. Before that they had stripped
the soldier of his gay uniform. his reds
and blues and buttons and gilt and
gliding. and had sent him forth in sack
cloth. in dust-colored garb suggestive
Of an animated sack of meal. And nv
they are attacking the sword so long
the symbol of vengeance and the in
spiration of martial youth on the
ground that it betrays its wearer.
OF course it does. and it has tripped
him and sent him headlong more than
once. 1t distinguishes him from the
rank and file, marks him as a man
to be admired and feared, whether he
is hurting himself against the foe or
descending from the lodge room to lead
the procession. Just what has been the
moral value of the sword flashing in the
clenched fist of a bronze Justice or
swinging from the belted waist of a
portly hero, no sage can tell. OF i'm
measurable value. for a guess. In any
event. its passing should never be wit
messed. 1t may enable the sharpshoot-
ers to pick off the officers. But if the
sharpshcoters are wise they will con-
fine their attention to privates. The pri-
Yates do most of the fighting.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-07-13
FRON OTHER PENS
BRITISH COMBINES.

British papers bring rumors of inn
portant railway and industrial combi-
nations. Three principal railway COM
panies-the Great Northern, the Great
Central and the Great Eastern-an-
nounce their intention. provided par
lament consents, of working together
on a common basis. eliminating waste
full competition and promoting econo-
my. Another sign of the merger" ten
dency is the proposed and almost COM
pleted' combine to the steel trade,
which regulate selling prices not only
in the United Kingdom, but also as re-
CARDS foreign orders.
In the labor world a most important
movement is the affiliation of the Min
ers' Federation to the labor group. The
federation decided to take this step by
a majority of 44,S43 out of a total mem
bership of nearly half million. The
great labor combination is looked on
as a reply to the big capitalists who
are joining forces and working for their
own protection.
The free trade papers profess not to
be alarmed over the steel combine so
long as the ports are open," but the
tariff reformers would put on duties
that would stop dumping" and so give
protection to British trusts. This is all
a leaf out of the American book. 1t
would be strongly interesting phase
of British trade history II free trade
gave place to protection and all the
familiar apparatus of protected monop-
olies-Mexican Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-07-13
GLOBE SIGHTS.
From the Atchison Globe

The customs house authorities have
decided that open-work hosiery is not
lace wearing apparel. The customs
house officials are the boys with nerve
enough to inspect things carefully.
When a young mans engagement is
announced, he invites great many
friends UP to eat dinner with them,
after they are married" but some
how the friends rarely hear of the in
vitation again after the marriage.
When a man comes in to see you.
and sits down. and tits his hat back
on his head and begins, Now, I'll tell
YOU" he means to remain at least an
hour. and have good long talk;
talk he has been thinking of having
with you for some time
man and women have no sooner
reared their own children than they
have to begin over again with their
grandchildren. Old age that should
be free from cares, has more cares
than any other time of life. There are
at least fifty women in Atchison who
make nursemaids of their mothers.
When a man finds out that he can
never be a social success as an after
dinner speaker; that he can't dance
and that his singing is not generally
admired, he begins to learn all sorts of
tricks at cards. So great is woman's
admiration for a man who can make
CaTQS disappear III TIE dit lildl lHC VI
ator, the dancer and the singer are
all envying him before the evening is
over.
You can't go to parties and attend
properly to business You can't dance
until midnight. and then come down
town next morning to your work in
time to accomplish anything before
noon. No man ever made money while
suffering with a cake headache. II
you have an ambition to become a
successful business man, you must
make up your mind to take your
pleasures in the smallest of homeo-
pathic doses.
A girl of 16 or II sails along the
street as though she owned the earth,
and there is certain something
about her indicating that she feels
too good for any use. but she will not
own more than half of the earth by
the time she is twenty-three, and none
of it by the time she Is 80. No girl
should imagine that she will always
retain the brightness and vivacity of
16. There never was a girl of 16 who
was not good looking, and more or
less saucy. In the height of their
popularity they should conduct them
selves in such a way that when they
are older, and need friends they will
have them.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-07-13
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.

[From the Chicago News.1
Turn flattery wrong side out and
you have SANDER.
Paw as you go, but try to save
enough to get back on.
Somehow, the majority OF our
good habits never get found out.
Boosting of their strong points Is .
weakness with some people.
Ever notice how narrow minded
most people are who argue with
you?
It's easier for a woman to talk on
any subject than 1t Is for her to stop.
A confidence man naturally has no
confidence in any man but himself.
Our idea of q romantic girl IL one
who sends out invitations to her
elopement.
Some people think they are in the
manufacturing line because they
make promises.
One may get along without doctors,
lawyers and preachers. but the
grocerymen is indispensable.
The average married man has
about as much to do with managing
his home as mouse has with
managing the family cat.
When a girl tries to dodge q kiss
she always manages to do 1t in q way
that enables her to catch 1t square on
her lips.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-07-13
QUAKER MEDITATIONS.

(From the Philadelphia Record.J
High ideals are often as imprac-
ticable as airships.
Many q man who II too proud to
beg isn't too honest to steal.
man of good judgment Is SIM
ply one who agrees with us.
Exaggeration Is q feminine failing,
except in the matter OF age.
Some men tell the truth because
they lack sufficient originality to be
liars.
Peace hath her Victories" which
is, perhaps, why some men prefer
not to marry.
The boy who hates to wash his
face longs to be a man and wear
whiskers.
Happiness II the sunshine of life,
and we should put some of 1t by for
a rainy day.
It's all right to follow the crowd.
provided you are not ambitious to get
to the front.
He-'I am going to kiss you before
go home" She-"Don't you think
It's about time you were going?''
MY new hat is a poem" said the
wife of the literary man. 81 wish I
could sell mine Tor ~ much" he
sighed.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-07-13
COMMANDER PEARY.

Preparation for his recent voyage
has been a trying experience for Com
mander Peary. Public faith in the pos
sibility of discovering the North Pole
has waned of late, especially since the
intrepid explorer failed in his latest
attempt, and people have hesitated to
devote money to the enterprise. 1t has
only been by the hardest work and
through many disappointments that he
has succeeded in equipping his little
expedition. Indeed, almost to the day
of sailing it was doubtful whether he
would not be compelled to delay de-
parture yet another year-and a years
delay means much to Peary at his time
of life. Fortunately all but a small
sum of the money needed was obtain
ed somehow, and the good ship Roose-
welt. thoroughly overhauled and am
ply provisioned. has steamed for the
frozen north. The final chapter of
Peary's lifelong endeavor to reach the
North Pole is now being written.
One is hardly justified in hoping that
he will reach the long-sought goal. It
is safe to say, however. that If with the
facilities now at the command of
science any man can achieve the tri-
umph, that man is Peary. His equip
ment is adequate. The Roosevelt, his
ship. has been reconstructed with an
eye to meeting every emergency that
faces a vessel in the frozen silence of
the utmost North. She is provisioned
and equipped with all that extensive
experience has shown to be necessary
for such an undertaking. A crew of
picked men, every one of whom has
been tried out in the very conditions
they are about to enter upon, has
charge of her. There is nothing lack
ing that Intelligence can devise or ex-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-07-13
ENGLISH SUFFRAGETTES

For some time past the newspapers
have been recording the doings of the
woman suffragists in England. The
demonstrations made by them in vari-
Gus parts of London, together with
the insistent demands that their
claims be recognized by the govern
ment, has created a considerable in
terest in their battle among the ueo-
pie of the United States. American
women have shown a sympathetic in
terest In the doings of their English
cousins. but the declaration which
was made by one of those who ap-
peared in the London court that the
next time the women would speak
with bombs will undoubtedly have the
effect of causing American women to
stop and think before they lavish any
more praise upon the people engaged
in the movement on the other side of
the water.
1t Is not probable that the great
body OF English women who desire
suffrage are of the same disposition as
the woman who made such a wild and
anarchistic utterance. If women are
seeking the privilege of the ballot.
they must not resort to such practices
which are relics of barbarism Agita-
ton should be their weapon and
when they have convinced their male
constituency of the validity of their
claims they will probably be given
Just treatment. The way to secure
suffrage for women IS by intelligent
argument, not by the route of the
brigand or anarchist.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-07-13

the driver in case he might be needed.
It was perhaps only natural that
Paul should call frequently to ask
after the invalid, and that he should
select Lucy as his first proselyte IN
his missionary work in behalf OF his
father.
Forty years in a garrison would
ruin the temper of any man." he de-
blame dad for wanting to be let alone
when ne had the chance. He loves
gardening and the boys were wreck
ing the ground. He simply had to
scare them on"
"He was very effective in his meth
DDS" agreed Lucy. almost too much
SO. For a moment supposed that he
really had broken Jimmie's leg"
81 wish that could make you real
lie what a splendid father he Is" said
Paul with enthusiasm.
II do not remember my father very
WE'LL said Lucy reminiscently. HE
died just after Jimmie was born.
was only eight
offered Paul generously. "win you.
dear?"
From a coign of vantage on the far
the wedding procession emerge from
the church, and set UP a shout as
Jimmie, respondent in white satin
coat and knickerbockers. preceded the
happy couple as their page.
Jimmie looks like a stick of
candy" declared the captain con-
temptuously, but he's got an all right
sister. There amt many girls that
would marry a man Just to save their
little brother from a man like Colonel
Moulton. He was Just goin' to kill
Jimmie when she rushed in and said
if he would spare Jimmie's life she
would marry the lieutenant
The gang looked with awe upon the
brave bride. and Lucy, radiant in her
new happiness, never realized that
they were cheering her with such en-
thusiasm because she had sacrificed
herself to fate TO save her little
brother.-(Copyrigh 1908, by As
ISOLATED Literary Press.)