The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1908-08-16

clerk.
!. Fancy! says shoesmith. DO you
know, I've heard Of them. And how
much do they oost?'
From Is to $50, sir.
Are there printed directions for
making them go?'
On, no. said the clerk. To make
them go is very simple. You merely
wind them once a day with a key.
And when do you mind them-in
the evening or in the m,rning?'
You must wind yours, sir. in the
morning. the clerk answered, gently
and patiently.
Why in the morning?'
because in the evening you are
drunk. Mr.. shoesnith, and would
break it,
Senator La Toilette, in a recent in
terview, said OF a certain political
economist:
His IDEAS are mixed and topsy-
turvy. They remind me of a student
they tell of in Heidelberg.
This student, the morning after a
corps meeting, a meeting whereat he
had drunk by actual count fifty-three
large mugs of beer, awoke to find him
self in bed but half undressed, with
his feet resting on the pillow.
From the low footboard the student
regarded for a moment his large feet
propped side by side on the white pill
low. Then he muttered:
'Himmel! Here I've been thinking
all night that 1 had the toothache, and
it's my shoes that have been pinching
me- -
Senator Beveridge, at dinner in
told story about a states,
man of the past.
Like many statesman of the
past said Senator Beveridge, ''he
drank too much. And one Fourth of
July morning, on platform hung with
flags and flowers, before the court house
of a Western county town, facing an
audience of farmers and their families
that had come from miles around. the
statesman arose to deliver the indie
pendence day grafton in a slightly in
toxicated state.
"He was not incapable of an ora
ton, but his unsteady gait, his flushed
face and dsordered attire spoke i'll of
him, and the audience Kissed and
booed.
"He held up his hand. They were
silent. Then he laughed scornfully and
said:
:" Ladies and gentlemen, when
statesman of my prominence consents
to appear in such a little, one-horse
town as this, he must be either drunk
or crazy. I prefer to be considered
an inebriate. -
Sir Caspar Purdon Clarke, curator
of the Metropolitan museum, said at a
dinner apropos of forged paintings:
cit isn't strange. / have seen nay
self, in Paris, rare old books-incuna-
bula-whose dates showed that they
were issued before the invention of
printing.
Zone Fourth of july" said a Phila-
81 heard the late General
Charles A. Whittier tell a Philadel-
phia story.
"He said that a Philadelphia capt.
talist went to Chicago and was very
much Disguised with the Chicago
accent.
SO You speak, he said to a Chica-
goan, a wretcbed patter, don't you?
But we Philadelphians, I've been as
sured, speak very pure English, in
deed-in fact, pure Oxford English.
All, how do you account for the diff,
ference7'
Wen,' said the Chicagoan, the
only way I can account for 1t is that
YOU Philadelphians entertained the
British army good long time in your
town, while we Chicagoans never had
any such-er-honor. -
Lady Headfort, during her American
tour, said in New York that she ap-
proved of international marriages.
"They correct us, she explained.
''Our Englishmen work too little, your
American men work too much, and the
marriage tends to bring
about happy medium.
"Your men do too much work, you
know said Lady Headfort. 81 have
an English friend who attended the
funeral of one OF your hardest work
ers. a multimillionaire.
"My friend s wife said rather bit
terly to him at the funeral:
- How you have missed your OPP
portunities, my love. Place yourself
beside Mr.. Ritch there. You are both
of the same age. You both began life
together. Yet you are a poor man,
while he died multimillionaire.
- .Yes. and the English husband
There Ritch lies, dead of nervous
prostration, without one single penny
in his pocket; and here I stand, hale
and hearty. with a wallet in my coat
containing quite 500. >"
Nine. Midzuno, the wife of the new
japanese consul to New York. told a
Young woman reporter the other day
that she believed in the japanese way
Of marrving-marTying out of esteem,
and trusting to the coming of love
afterwards.
"With rs. when love comes, it lasts,
oil +ba charming JaDanese EfWe