davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-04-22
SHAKESPEARE'S TOMB.
Its Would Be Decorators and the
Poets lmprecation.


The fact that would he Decorators of
Shakespearc's tomb have not dared to
risk the falling of the curse invoked In
the lines cut upon his tomb is strik.
ing testimony TO the powerful effect
upon mankind of such an imprecation.
j. O. Observation-Disclosures. writing in
the eighties, said
THE nearest approach to an excaya-
ton in the grave of Shakespeare was
made IN the summer of the year 1916
in digging n vault In the immediate To-
eality, when an opening appeared
which was presumed TO indicate the
commencement of the site of the bard's
remains The most scrupulous care,
however, was taken not to disturb the
neighborlng earth In the slightest de-
gree the clerk having been placed
there till the brickwork of the adjein-
Ing vault was completed to prevent
relics whatever were visible through
the small opening that thus presented
itself, and as the poet was buried In
the ground, not In a vault, the great
probability is that dust alone remains.
II Is not many years since phalanx
of trouble tombs, lanterns aud spades
In hand. assembled in the chancel ut
dead of night, intent on disobeying the
solemn injunction that the bones of
Shakespeare We're not TO be disturbed.
But the supplieatory lines prevailed.
There were some among the number
who ut the last moment refused to In
eur the warning condemnation, and so
the design was happily abandoned
A correspondent of the London Athe-
naeum wrote in 1881. Il remember on
a visit to the grave of Shakespeare In
1927 or 1928 remarking that 1t was lit
tie crcdtablc to the authorities that
the raised covering to the tomb should
have been allowed to fail into such de-
cay, for | could see into the grave
through the hole formed by the sinking
of the stones. The reply was that, 'on
account of the anathema inscribed upon
the tomb no workmen could be per
suaded TO NEEDLE with It,
All eHTlleT lHtiuellt Is IHuS set 1OFtH
by a contributor to the Monthly Mag
aZine of Feb. l. 1878:
Notwithstanding the anathema pro-
nounced by the bard on any disturber
of his bones, the church wardens were
so negligent a few years ago as TO
suffer the sexton In digging the nd
joining grave Of DR. Davenport to
break Il large cavity into the tomb of
Shakespeare, Mr.. - told the writer
that he was excited by curiosity 10
push his head and shoulders through
the cavity, that he saw the remains of
the bard and that he could easily have
brought away his skull, but was de-
tered by the curse which the poet In
voked ON any one who disturbed his
remains
The attempt at a later day to med
die with the tomb had no more effec
tive ending. New York Tribune.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-04-22
"PeIorus Jack"

Near the mouth OF Pelorus sound,
on the Nelson side Of Cook strait. is
the home of a remarkable sea animal
known throughout New Zealand as
"Pelorus Jack" He is gray in color,
about fourteen feet In length, and his
pastlme Is to walt for coastal steamers
and to escort them for several miles
on their journey. AS boat approach
es lack" may be seen heading to-
ward her to take up his accustomed
position beside or In front of the bow
of the vessel There. sometimes for
twenty minutes, he hovers round, rush
Ing SO quickly from side to side that
the eye can scarcely follow his move
ments. When he considers he has gone
far enough. with last sudden plunge
he dives once more and for the last
time, disappearing In n whirl of foam.
to be seen no more that trip.-Sydney
News
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-04-22
A WAR OF MAPS.
Bolivia Wiped Out England and tho
British Isles.

Bolivia is the only country that ever
wiped England off the map" said
Frank Robertson. 1T came about this
way: The British ambassador several
years ago gave dinner for the official
and social circle people of Bolivia.
when they arrived at the embassy
they found that he was not married
TO the woman seated at the head of the
table. and they left In the name of
his government he demanded an apol-
ogy. whereupon the government gave
him twenty-four hours to get out of
the country.
"Inasmuch as little Bolivia is way
oil the ocean and practically lost in
the eternal mountains Great Britain
could not by guns get the retraetion
that she wanted, but her mapmak-
ers got revenge by issuing maps Who'll
ly eliminating Bolivia.
"Finally this information reached Bo-
llvia, whereupon with stroke of the
pen new maps We're ordered for the Bo-
livlan government and the Bolivian
schools. They showed more ocean
than any other maps ever printed. The
British isles had been sunk into the
sea. And so far as the people and
school children of Bolivia are concern
ed there is no Great Britain Indian
apolis News.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-04-22
Half n Loaf.

The negro's love of titles OF whatever
sort is amusingly illustrated by story
told by the. governor OF n southern
state.
1t appears that the congregation of a
colorcd church In Georgia conceived
the notion that 1t would add greatly to
their dignity II the pastor of the church
were enabled TO add the initials d. ID.
to his name. A member, hearing of an
Institution IN the north which would,
for value received. confer such de-
gree. entered into correspondence with
that end in view. Reply came to the
effect that the sum of $75 would obtain
the desired dignity.
A difficulty arose, however, In that
the congregation were unable to raise
more than $50. Finally. after much
eonfabulation. the congregation dele
gated one of their number to see the
thing out. The following message was
sent to the institution mentioned:
'Kindly forward our pastor one D.,
we being unable to afford the other ut
this time. "-Harper's Weekly.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-04-22
An Ancient susx Canal.

II Is certain that In ancient times
canal connecting the Mediterranean
and Red seas did exist. Herodotus as
crlbes its projection to Pharaoh Necho,
COO =. G. The honor of Its completion
Is given by some to Darius, by others
to the Ptolemies. How long this canal
continued to be used we do not know.
but, becoming finally choked up by
sand. it was restored by Trajan early
in the second century A. d. Becoming
again useless from the same cause, 1t
was reopened by the Caliph Omar, but
was finally closed by the ''unconquer-
able sands about A. d. 767, In which
state 1t has since remained. This an
Gent canal, from Suez to Bubastis, on
the east branch Of the Nile, was 92
miles long, from 108 to 100 feet wide
and Is feet deep.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-04-22
dimple cleft her chin.


Erred Marsden is so tiresome." said
Peggy as she permitted Janet to unlace
her boots and spread out her dinner
frock. HE seemed to think that Nat
Gregory had no right to skate with me.
And we were old friends before Fred
moved here. Nat has improved, too,
don't you think so?"
Janet bent down to plait a chiffon
flounce that had not come unplaited.
"Oh. l can't see that he has changed
any" she fibbed. her face now as rosy
as the pink chiffon.
At that particular moment Nat Greg
DRY was sitting before the crate fire In
his room. lingering parcel of letters
tied With deep violet ribbons. Then he
laugheda short, chuckling, eloquent
laugh-and laid the letters. ribbon and
all. on the glowing Goals.
1T was just when she peeped ut me
above that silly big muff! OF course
never really cared for her, but some
how l knew 1t was all up when she
gave me that look to make the other
fellow squirm. Heavens. how I used
to squirm too! Now, Janet wouldn't
make man squirm. And where In
time do you suppose she had been hid
Ing that dimple? By Jove. come to
think of it, l never looked to see
whether she had dimple or not In the
old days.
For few minutes he sat very quiet
ly watching the Mass of letters turn
from flame color to yellowish pink and
TO pinkish gray. Then. whistling, he
went down to the library, closed the
door and picked up the desk telephone
rs Janet in? Yes, Miss Janet Bar
ton. All right Hello. Janet, is this
you? This is Nat-Nat Gregory. oh, l
just happened to think that you did not
answer my question. Are you going to
the St. Andrew dance tomorrow night?
All right. then, I'm coming. about $50.
Nonsensei | used to call on-er-other
girls before they came out All right
goodby oh. wait minute. Say,
want to know-would you mind telling
me-did you always have dimple in
you: chin? No. really, l never did
soodby."
He hung up the receiver. crossed to
the mantel and by the aid of the low.
broad mirror readjusted his tie. But
evidently this was done mechanically,
for what he said very gently TO the
tanned, clean cut reflection in the glass
was:
Funny how some girls can say of
course and make 1t sound like some
thing ever SO much better. Funny-no,
just greatw And then he leaned back
In the most comfortable chair In the
room and sighed eontentedly. This was
better than sqnirmlng. decidedly bet
far
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-04-22
Bia Tins For Little Eavors.

at is surprising" said veteran
Pullman porter, how big tip por-
ter sometimes gets for doing a very
little thing" He added.
"A passenger once tipped me extra
because he said | did not leave his
shoestrings colled up inside his shoes
after had BACKED them. He said
nothing made him madden than to slip
on his shoes In a hurry in a sleeper
only to find that he had to take them
Off again because the shoestrings were
Inside. Ever since that time | have
been careful not 10 leave shoestrings
inside of the shoes | black, and more
than one passenger has thanked me for
being thoughtful. But 1t wasn't me
that did the thinking The tip did that
for me, and | never forgot tiles
lies Weekly.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-04-22
PRESENCE OF MIND.
A Madhouse Doctors Experience With
His Crazy Cooks.

A celebrated Scotch physician tells a
story of II madhouse doctor whose
presence of mind alone saved his life:
"A great friend of mine WIS for
considerable time the medical superin-
tendent of n lunatic asylum near Glas-
Cow
zone night In making his customary
rounds he had occasion to visit the pa
tents In the kitchen, who were pre-
pairing the dinner. There were seven
of them, all big, sturdy fellows, who
were believed to be harmless. The
keeper only looked In upon them now
and again. feeling that his constant
presence was unnecessary.
THE doctor unlocked the iron barred
door of the kitchen and went In
among the lunatlcs.
'There We're five large boilers con-
tanning scalding water ready for max
ing the days dinner for the patients.
"One Of the lunatics pointed at the
boilers full of hot water and, laying
his hand upon the doctors shoulder,
said. Doctor, you'll make fine pot
OF broth And the words had no SOON
er been uttered than the other six mad
men shouted in n voice of delight,
Just the thing and, SELLING the doc
tor, were In the very act of putting
him into one OF the large boilers OF
scaldlng water when the doctor had
the presence of mind to say, but not Il
second too soon:
"'Cupltal BROTH But 1t would taste
better If took my clothes or
1.-THE madmen, with yell OF delight,
said Yes and the doctor asked them
to walt moment while he went and
took his clothes off. But as soon as he
got out of the kitchen he turned the
key In the door and ordered the keep
er to see TO the lunatics being put IN
der restraint.
"The doctors presence Of mind saved
him, 1t is true, from terrible death,
but he died shortly after ravlng mad.
The experience had destroyed his rea-
SON"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-04-22
VALUE OF PUBLICITY.
Bteve 5rodie, the Bridge Jumper, a. 4
Self Advertiser.


Curiously enough, the man who, in
my opinion, had the keenest Intuition
Of the value Of publicity and used 1t
TO the greatest personal advantage,
when we consider his humble begin
nings and the limited sphere of his en-
ueavor, never really knew how to read
and write. knew him first as young
street urchln, making his living by
selling newspapers, backing boots, rum
nins errahds and doing such odd Jobs
us fell in his way, and 1t was chiefly
through selling newspapers, whose
headiines alone he was barely able to
uecipher' that he gained that knowl-
cage OF what PARK row calls news
values, when one hnds In every train
Ell ana emcient city editor.
III was on tne strensth OK tnis knowi-
eoge mat ths bootptack Went one day
70 Wen known wholesale liquor deal
er on the east side ana proposed That ne
SHOULD estapiish MN Ill saloon on
lower bowefy. Inc liquor dealer was
aghast NJ ms presumption until ne
learned his scheme; then he capitulated
at opee' ana WITHIN rev days the pa
pers had peeh signed anu twenty-four
hours optloh secured on rickety ana.
from nearly every IMAGINABLE point OF
view, undesirable premises near Canal
street ana directiy under the noisiest
ana dustiest and oiliest part OF the ele-
Vated railroad. ihis done, the boot
duck maae ms way TO the very center
oil the bfookiyh bridge, climbed hastiiy
10 the Top Oh the parapet ana, needless
OIL Tue warming shouts Oh the horrined
oniooNers anu 'ne swift rush OF pant
ing cop, dropped INTO the seeming wa
'ers below.
II was an unknown youth with an
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-04-22

In the Right Direction.

Bishop Bloomfield was one of the
many witty Englishmen whose good
things have found their way into a
volume of "reminiscences, Leaves
From the Notebooks Of Lady Dorothy
Ncvill"
Bishop Bloomfield was led into con
troversy one time with learned man
as to the mental superiority Of the
east over the west. and his opponent
as a parting shot said
well. at any rate, you can't dispute
that the wise men came from the
east"
Surely that was the wlsest thing
they could do" retorted the bishop
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-04-22
His PARTING Shot,

The late Catholic bishop Raphoe, Ire
land, used often to tell this story with
much enjoyment. Il was suddenly call
ed" he said, from my home to see an
unfortunate sailor who had been cast
ashore from a wreck and was lying
speeches. on the ground, but not quite
dead. The life's in him still. your
reverence-be stirred little so
stopped down and said to him. My
try to say one little word or make one
little sign TO show that you are dying
In the true faith So he opened one OF
his eyes just wee bit, and he said
Bloody end to the poper and so died"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-04-22
South American Animals.

Many curious animals haunt the
marshy parts of South America north
OF the pampas. Frogs big and Zero
cious the ceratophyrs), given to max
Ing vicious springs when closely APP
preached; the capybara. a cavy con
tented with the bulk of the Sheep the
huge coypu rat and the swarthy tapir
are frequently seen. Along the forest
margins troops OF peccaries are often
met with, occasionally the jaguar,
sometimes the puma: likewise that
toothless curiosity the great ant bear,
long in claw, long nosed and remark.
ably long tongued. Very plentiful. too,
are those little knights In scaly ar
NOR" the quaint, waddling armadil-
loes. Long toed Jacanas pace about
upon the noatlng leaves. A familiar
object Is the great jabiru, stork with
Il preference for the desoate lagoons,
where 1t may often be observed statu-
esque on one leg and wrapped In pro
spection.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-04-22
Why He Mas AnnrY.

"You made mistake In your paper, "
said an indignant man, entering the ed.
itorial sanctum OF daily journal. Il
was one Of the competitors at an ath-
letic entertainment last night and you
referred to me as the well known
lightweight champion"
"Well, are you notY" inquired the
sporting editor.
mo; I'm nothing of the kind" was
the angry response, "and It's confound-
eddy awkward, because I'm coal
dealer."-Philadelphia Ledger
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-04-22
UNFINISHED BOOKS.
Authors Who Died Leaving Stories
Partly Written.

Partly Written.
Many writer's, including the famous
0uIda, have died leaving behind
them unfinished books One Of the
best known is, of course, Dickens
'"rhe Mystery of Edwin Brood" a re-
markably clever story, and one show
ing no signs of diminishing vitality,
although he was actually at work
upon 1t up TO within a few hours Of
his death.
Dickens great rival, Thackeray,
but two unfinished stories. One Of
these, Denis Duval," promised to
rank with his best work. Unfortunate
ly, however, he had completed only
seven chapters when he was stricken
down.
Scott. too, left II tale unended-"The
Siege of Naturalization while he was
on his last futile journey In search of
health This work has never been
published, although more than two
thirds of 1t was completed at the time
of his death.
Then there was est. Ives" left UNI
finished by r. L. Stevenson, as was
"Zeph," by Helen Jackson, and
"Bllnd Love" by Wilkie Collins. Buc-
kle never completed his History of
Civilization" although lie toiled at 1t
for twenty years.
Among famous poems that were
never completed mention may be made
nf Rvrou,s "DOn Iuanv Keats "IIv.
perlon." Coleridges "ChristabeP' and
Gray's "Agrlppina." Sponsors "Faerie
Quccne," too, is no more than frag-
ment, although colossal one.
LASTLY, there ought to be included
Ben Jonson's beautiful unfinished pas
toral, "rhe Sad Shepherd" found by
his literary executors among his pa
pers after his death and published In
its comprehensive Weekly.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-04-22
POI IN HAWAII.
The Favorite Food of the Natives and
How II Is Made.

In years gone by each native Hawai-
Ian took particular pride In producing
his own pol IA food made from the
taro planU, but nowadays it is made
In factories, the work being done al
most wholly by the native born China
men, who receive 81 per day for their
labors.
| was fortunate enough at Lahaina,
however, to see this staff of life made
in the old fashioned way. The taro
plant seei..s to be cross between
sweet potato and Il turnip. and the root
is long and tlcshy. This, after steam
Ing, must be pounded into sort of
flour before mixing. a stone pestle is
used, and often it requires hours to
beat the root to the proper consisten-
cy, When certain stage Is reached
water is added and 1t is worked into
Il thin paste. put into a barrel and al
lowed TO ferment. The taste for poi
has TO be acquired. and few If any
foreigners ever care for ii as food. To
me II suggested sour starch. 1t Is
served on the native table In huge
wooden bowl known as ealabash,
from which II is eaten with the fin
gers, each member of the family dip
ping into the same dish. The number
of fingers used is measured by the
thickness of the pol, three fingers be-
ing required for the thinnest and one
for that mixed to the consistency Of
mush. The taro plant is easily cult
waited uhis is also done by Chinamen).
and am told that one square mile or
taro will feed $4,000 natives. Factory
made poi, which Is plnkish purple In
color, costs 81 n bag. about the size of
a flour sack containing an eighth OF a
barrel II Is nutritious, cheap and fat
tening. Poi is the principal food of
the lauas (native feasts). Roast pig
Is usually the meat on these festive
Leslies Weekly.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-04-22
Every Bird a Weathercock.

"Where's the windY" seoffed the sail
or. why. look at the birds. They'll
tell you. Don't you know that every
birds weathercock? Stop moistenin'
your finger and holdin' it up" he went
on in tone Of disgust. "The practice
mint hardly clearly. Look at the birds
Is all you got 10 do, for every bird sets
with Its head always straight at the
wind. Every live bird in tree is as
reliable weathercock as them dead
birds on the spires. New York Press.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-04-22
Ambition Is like love-impatient both
Of delays and rivals--Denbam
His Prayer,

OConnell had got a man OF at one
time Tor highway robbery and at an
other for burglary, but on third oc.
casion, for stealing a coasting brig, the
task OF hoodwinking the jury seemed
100 great for even his powers of cajoI
cry. However, he made out that the
crime was committed on the high seas
and obtained an acquittal. The prison
er lifted up his hands and eyes to heav-
en- and exclaimed, May the Lord long
spare you, Mr. O'Connell, to mer'--
Argepaut.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-04-22
kits as Targets.

Admiral LambtOn at a certain high
land society dinner told the following
tale: When the Gordon highlanders
were In Ladysmlth the order came that
officers were not to wear their swords
This order was soon supplemented by
another, by which all highland regi-
ments were commanded to cover their
kits up. as 1t was thought that they
my. Sir George White knew that such
an order would not be popular At last
he thought Of way out of the diff
Guilty. Let them cover the fronts Of
the kits up" he said. "The enemy will
never see the other e"-London
Opinion.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-04-22
A Futile Boast.

Love me and the world is NINE" he
said
whats the use OF saying thnt?" she
replied. i've been loving you for
weeks and you haven't even succeeded
In getting good job Chicago Rec
ord. Herald
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-04-22
A Bit QiHersnt.

Towne-There's one thing about my
wife-she makes up her mind II she
can't afford a thing that she doesn't
need II. Browne-Something like my
wife, only she buys 1t first and makes
up her mind d.-PhiladelphiS
Press
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-04-22

Possibly the fact that the optimist
gees the doughnut and the pessimist
the hole Is due to the further fact that
the optimlst has mostly doughnuts and
the pessimist mostly hole.--Puck
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-04-22
Not Attractive.

"Was It case Of love at first sightf"
asked the sentimental girl.
at couldn't have been," answered
Miss Cayenne. when they first met
he was wearing football clothes and
she had on her motor car costume
Washington Star
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-04-22

The Man With the Gun (boastfully
and cynically)-I have been engaged to
at least dozen girls. Miss Sweet Girl
Cooking annoyedl-And always been
unlucky In love. eb? He-Oh, l don't
know. I've never married any Of them.
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Inquirer.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-04-22

Marriage is a lottery In which men
stake their liberty and women their
happiness. Nine. de Rieux
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-04-22

HeFb ID NtIItI Tor women.
II you have pains in the back, Urinary,
Bladder or Kidney trouble, and want a Ger.
tain, pleasant herb cure for woman's ills, try
Mother Gray's Australian Leaf 1t is a safe
and never falling regulator. At Druggists or
BY mail so cts Sample package FREE. Ad.
dress, The Mother Gray Co, LeRoy, n Y.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-04-22

Ask for the Best Breed-MAo.
KAY's.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-04-22

"The best lightning rod for your pro
lection" says Ralph Waldo Emerson
'sie your own SPINE"