Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1908-04-09
Short Stories for
An Idle Moment

The proprietor of Chicago hotel
| tells Of an eccentric guest VINO regis
tered with him about the time of the
simplified spelling furry, and who I'M
dertook, in an ingenious way. to show
his contempt for the opponents or the
proposed reform.
when the newcomer spread his sig
nature on the register. it was at once
observed that his name was a most
unusual one.-"E. X. PhtholoGnyrrh.
"Beg your pardon. sir" said the clerk
| "but how do you pronounce it,"
",rurner." was the reply, land
spelled in approved fashion, too.
Twill you kindly EXPLAIN"
"Simplest thing in the world" said
Turner. First, we have 'phth, the
sound of It. in 'phthisis'; then 'olo,'
the sound Of 'ur' in colonel; thirdly,
.gn,' representing the sound OF m in
.gnat'; and, finally, 'yrrh,' the equiva-
lent of .er' in 'myrrh.' If the combina-
ton doesn't spell Turner, what does
it l?'-Harper's Weekly.
Tn the midst of a heated diSsenSlOn
on poiuts connected with certain his
torical sensations, which their teacher
had sought to impress on them, two
grandchildren appealed to their grand
fathers. who sat musing and pulling
his pipe in the corner, for support.
"Grandpa," cried the eager brother,
"uho was it killed Caesar-Cassius or
Brutus? 1 say Cassius."
"Wan," replied the grandfather, sud-
denly becoming grave and taking his
l..
t'other. Let me see-Yes, l guess
'twar TIL man you said
can Sis says it was Marie Antoinette
who got put to death in France,
again cried the youth. triumphantly
CHANGING towards his sister, but say
it was Mary, Queen of Scots"
"Now, you may be right there, too
yentured the involuntary vindicator,
after fidgeting in his chair. Come t
think of it, twar Mary, Queen OF Scots
that war electrocuted in France.
At this the young girls eyes flashed.
"Grandpa," declared she. stepping
before him and cycling him sternly,
'.you don't seem to know anything
about It,"
The old mans head went up as II
shocked. 9TH truth is, Children he
then admitted, as he passed his free
hand over his head helplessly, your
grandfather amt read tn newspaper
very carefully this week. I'm a leetle
mite behind. bohemian.
Senator Depew, at a reception in
Washington, was discussing an error
that had been. made in the first ar
rangements OF the New York-Paris
automobile race.
"The error was ultimately correct
ed" he said, "and while it lasted it did
no harm, any way. 1t was funny,
though. 1t was like an error that once
occurred on the New York Central
"It seems that at small station a
ticket agent had run short of tickets
and was obliged to give a party OF
fishermen halves instead of wholes.
Full fare was paid for these half tick
cts, and the agent went out on the
platform when the train stopped and
explained the matter to the conductor.
so that everything should be all right.
"Thc conductor had almost forgotten
this occurrence when. some ten miles
further on, the front brakeman came
to him and said in tone of bitter dis
gust.
""This here half fare dodge is get
tin a little too hot for me. boss. Why,
there's bunch of children up in
smoker what plays poker, drinks whis-
ky and wears wniskers.'
A drummer who had forgotten the
difference in the laws of the various
states found himself on one occasion
in Bristol, through the main street of
which town runs the "Reminiscences
see line. He walked into a drug store
on the western side of the street.
"Givc me package of Turkish
cigarettes, please" he said
I'VE haven't any cigarettes" was the
reply, but we can let you have almost
anything else you want. from morphine
up"
The drummer was puzzled for a mo-
ment, but decided that he must have
misunderstood the clerk.
Il want some cigarettes" he re-
peated.
mo cigarettes in Tennessee an
swered the clerk. 'but you can get
them across the street. That's Vir-
ginia."
Thanking the clerk for his informa-
ton the drummer crossed to a drug
store opposite and laid in a supply to
last him across Tennessee. He had
reached the door when thought
struck him.
"Have you any morphine?" he asked
turning to the clerk.
Sorry, SIR replied the Virgnian.
''but they don't sell it in this State.
But think you can get some across the
street That's Tennessee."-NewY York