davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-07-29
Quaint Old Colonial Document

New Amsterdam had been In British
hands four years when this quaint and
curious customs order, the oldest In ex-
istence, was penned:
instructions for Mr.. Cornelius Van
Ruyven. Collector of the Customes In
ye City of New York by Order of Colo
nell Francis Lovelace Governor, May
"a, IGGS.
you or y'r clerk are To be dayly at
We Custome House from nine IN We
morning until twelve at noone. There
to receive We Customes both in and out.
ms the Merchants shall come x enter,
We merchant Is to make foure Bills and
signe them with his hand. writing his
name to them, Il ye same time, when
you have signed ye Warrant or one Of
ye Bills, you are to demand ye Gus.
tome, either In kinde at 10 l. Cent IN
wards or double We value of It's first
Cost in Holland, In Beaver And like
wise outwards for Peltry you are to
receive l0H L Cent according to ye
value In Beaver, for Tobacco one half
penny Pr. pound Ster'g. which Is noe
more than all Engllshmen doe pay.
- You to tell We Merchant YOU are
not TO give credit. II they doe
not like your propositions, you are not
to pass their Bills.
And Lastly pray lett ye Books be
kept all in English and all Factoryes
and Papers, that when / have occasion
10 satisfy myself | may better under
1:and them"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-07-29
JOKED HIMSELF IN.
How "Private" John Allen Got Himself
Elected to Congress.

How "Private" John Allen Got Himself
Elected to Congress.
Here Is Champ Clark's defense of
humor, If 1t needs one:
The dryas dusts solemnly assey.
crate that humor never did any good.
Now, let's see. How did Private John
Allen Of Mississippi get to congress I
Joked himself In. One bit Of humor
sent him To Washington. n national
lawmaker. Opposing him for the con
gfessional nomination was the Confed
crate General Tucker They met ON
the stump General Tucker closed one
OF his speeches as follows:
Seventeen years ago tonight, my
fellow citizens. after Il hard fought
battle ON yonder hill. | biyouaeked un.
der yonder clump OF trees. Those Of
you who remember rs | do the times
that tried mems souls will not, hope,
forget their humble servant When the
primaries shall be held
"That was strong appeal In thos,
days, but John raised the general N
his own game. My fellow citizens.
he said, what General Tucker says t.
you about blvouacklng under yondel
elump of trees Is true II Is also true
my fellow citizens, that | was vcdettt
picket and stood guard over him while
he slept. Now, then, fellow citizens
all you who were generals and had
prlvates to stand over you while you
slept vote for General Tucker, and all
OF you who were privates and stood
guard over the generals while they
slept vote for Private John Allen.
The people caught ON, took John ut
his word and sent him to congress,
where he stayed until the world was
filed with his renown"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-07-29

turn on the hot water and dress for
dinner In the same frocks we wear In
town | should love to spend a sum-
mer in Il camp like this with only
sympathetic people around me-"
She sighed TO think of the impossi-
bility of obtaining her wish and then
gave her attention to experimenting
the fabrication of rustic chair, deep,
roomy and redolent of the woods.
For month she was almost daily
visitor. Then one afternoon she came
with frown upon her pretty face,
and as Bradley settled himself for
chat she drew a slip of printed paper
from her pocket and regarded him at
teutively.
"a penny for your thoughts" he Of
fered when she did not speak.
81 think that you are horrid," was
the unexpected answer "This little
island has been such haven of rest
to me. Now l find that, instead of
being guide, you are nasty, cynical
playwright. hate your
because | write cynical plays?" he
asked. Il assure you that l would
rather write the other kind, but they
do not take with the audiences"
81 hate you because you deceived
me-" was the answer In voice that
was close TO tears Il saw this In
magazine
Bradley groaned In an evil mo-
ment he had given an interviewer
glowing description of his island with
out betraying Its location. 1t had been
made the basis Of an absurd human
interest" magazine story.
\ copy must have fallen into her
hands, and more than ever Bradley
was determined to get even with the
imaginative person who had written
the story.
"And we cannot be friends" he
asked, Just because l am not
guide?'
Because you deceived me-" correct
ed Nannette. You were just leading
me on to talk about the imitation
campers 50 you could put 1t into
play"
mot Into play" denied Bradley,
into n romance-a private romance,
| had hoped. Had | introduced my
self rs n city man you never could
have come again. / should have raised
the barrier of conventionality between
u.s. As II was, you thought me guide
because ! was building my own cabin.
With guide you felt free to come
and go as you pleased. 1t was only
for that reason | did not explain your
error"
But now that ! know the truth l
must come no more" she said slowly
M she rose to her feet. II am sorry
that have found out"
She looked longingly about the camp
which she had helped TO make SO COLL
Portable with her suggestions and aid.
Then she turned and ran down to the
beach, where her light canoe lay upon
the sands.
She had already pushed off when he
| reached the beach, but at his call she
| checked her Roadway.
| MAY ! come for your he called
softly MAY | come for you, Nan
neite, and bring you back to the camp
that we built for ourseves?"
| For Il moment Nannette paused.
| "Yes," she called, finally adding.
Come soon" and then the paddle dip
ped deep into the water.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-07-29
Ir.atina Them All Alike.

There was only one thing In the
world OF which Eben Ransom thor
oughly approved; that was hard, steady
work. 81 hope" said the philanthropi,
spinster who was spending a fortnight
at the Ransom farm 81 do hope. Mr.
Ransom, that you treat all your men
alike; give them all equal advantages
and wages. find varying standard
If | may use the expression makes so
much trouble and discomfort among
laborers In any field OF work"
Mr., Ransom surveyed her gravey
and nodded assent
you're right there, ma'am." he said
dryly after moment. "There Is Just
one rule for the folks that work for
me. Begin ms early and keep It up AS
late rs there's light to go BY and you'll
get your one-fifty n day, unless the
times are unusual hard, when | make
1t one-twenty-f
But l tell you, maam, you can't
get as many fellers to work on an
equal basis nowadays as you might
think"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-07-29
Hairs In the Watch.

We'll, sir, | had to send my watch
downtown to have 1t cleaned out
again." said an east side barber the
other day. Il have to send my watch
to the repair shop about once month,
and there Is absolutely nothing the
matter with 1t, except that 1t Is full Of
hairs. | do not understand how the
hairs can get into the works and be-
hind the hands and mix up In the
handspring and every place as they do
In my t!mcpiece. | watched myself
one month as closely as could. and
swear | never opened the back Of 1t.
Yet at the end Of the month | unscrew
ed the back lid, and 1t was full Of lit
tie fine hairs. ! always keep It In my
pocket when am cutting hair, but
don't see how any hairs get into the
watch. Yet they must. because they
are always there" Columbus Dis
patch.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-07-29

One Use For Chalk,

81 read In some paper the other day"
the young man said, "of the arrival OF
n shlpload of chalk. and | wondered
what under the canopy anybody could
want of shipload Of chalk and what
they use chalk for anyway.
Going home last night | got half u
dozen little spatters Of mud on my
shirt bosom and collar. and I'd got to
20 out again right away, and | really
didn't have time to change my apparel.
but there were those spatters of mud
"'Just walt minute said my room
mate, who knows several things, and
he went TO his ehiffonier and got out
u piece Of chalk, with which he deftly
shalked over those little mud spots SO
that they didn't show.
"'There, he said. I guess they'll go
all right now at night
"And they did | am still wondering
what anybody should want OF ship
load Of chalk. but l have now discov-
cred at least one Of chalk's uses"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-07-29
MISLEADING NAMES.
Terms In Science That Belle the Prod
uots to Which They Apply,

dSNS W vvHICn Ihey Apply.
There are Germs In certain depart,
ments of s,.enee that positively mis-
name the products to which they are
applied
The word "oil' In Its more compre,
hensive and indseriminate uses Is
made to include hydrocarbons. like pc.
troleum. and also many other sub
stances that have an oily appearance
like "oil of yltriol," which Is not oil AT
all, but sulphuric acid.
Strictly speaking, the mineral oils,
including all petroleum products, are
not oil, although we speak of coal
oil" and kerosene oil
The best clssSltlcations of oils do not
include mineral hydrocarbons, like
naphtha, paratiin and petroleum. but
treat only the two we'll defined groups
fixed oils and fats and the essential
or volatile oils.
"Copperas" is not copper, but sui
plate of iron salt of lemon has
nothing to do with the fruit OF the
lemon tree, but Is potassium binoxalate
or potash treated with oxalic acid
"Carholic acid" Is not an acid, but Il
phenol. In structure II is allied to the
alcohols and has only slight acid prop
critics Soda water" has no trace of
soda. 'Sulphurlc acid contains ne
sulphur. Sugar of lead" Is innocent
of sugar
Cream of tartar" has nothing to dc
with cream nor milk of lime" with
milk. German silver Is stranger
to silver, and "black lead" Is not lead
ut all, but graphite. mosaic gold'' Is
sulphide of tin.
These misleading names have come
down from the vocabulary of an early
and lnexact chemistry. As popular
science extends the old terms are
yielding to the more scientific nomen.
clature
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-07-29
NATURES LITTLE SHIP.
A Curious Jellyfish Endowed With q
Movable Sail.

While man makes the largest ocean
vessels, nature makes the smallest.
This is II species Of jellytish. found only
In tropical seas, which has sail.
The part of the fish under the water
looks like mass OF tangled threads,
while the sail Is a tough membrane,
shaped like shell and measuring quite
five inches and sometimes more across.
The fish can raise or lower this sail at
Will.
Wise sailors let this curiosity of ma
ture alone. for each OF the threads
composing Its body has the power Of
singing, the results of which are very
painful and often dangerous. This
power defends II from porpoises. alba
trosses and other natural enemies
1t has no other means of locomotion
than Its sail, and when seen skim
ming bravely along the surface of the
water II looks more like child's toy
boat than living creature out In
search OF food--Eondon Saturday Re
view
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-07-29
BUYING A RING.
story They Tell In Japan to Illus
trate Occidental Love.

trate Occidental Love.
The Japanese marrAout of esteem
and trust to the coming of love after
ward said Japanese lady. "WHl
us when love comes 1t lasts. We have
Il song that we like to sing 81 want to
live to ninety nine years and you must
live to be hundred, SO that we may
be happy while our hair grows gray
THAT is better she continued. than
the love that comes swiftly and as
swiftly flies away again. They tell In
JapanTa story Illustrative of this transi-
tory love-the love of your west.
"A tourist they say, was touring
Brittany. He came to Qumper. and
he found In the Place Publique beside
the river an old woman selling trim.
kets.
What Is the price of this?' he
asked, taking up an antique ring OF
silver and sapphlres
Is 1t for your wife or for your
sweetheart said the old woman.
80 For my sweetheart
Fifty francs,'
Fifty francs Nonsenser And the
tourist turned angrily away
Come back, said the old woman.
Take II for ten You've been lying to
me, though. You have no sweetheart
Had the ring been for her you'd have
bought 1t at once without regard to
Its price
AZ will take It, said the tourist.
smiling. Here are the 10 francs
$50 the old woman wrapped the ring
up.
80 But you haven't wife either,
she grumbled. II 1t had been for her
you'd have beaten me down to francs.
Oh, you men,"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-07-29
ed to accept the happening as a huge


| lark
One of the boats put of with men TO
wire that the steamer was safe, and
Esterbrooke suggested to Betty that
they go with the boat. I'VE can get a
rig somewhere and drive into the near
est town." he explained, land get the
night express home We are good
four miles from shore. and the rest of
the party cannot be taken off until the
Champion comes along in the morning
There is no steamer at this end of the
lake"
Betty shook her head
I'VE VIII stay With the Others" she
declared, and with no very good grace
Esterbrooke led the way back to the
upper deck.
I'VE might as we'll have some sup
per-" he declared as he motioned to
his man. and presently they were
lunching OF the remnants of the ham
per's contents.
The evening FELL and Betty Insisted
upon going below. Esterbrooke held
back as they entered the saloon. Here
was babel of sound Babies and
children cried through hunger and
fear, and tired mothers sought mef
feetually to secure quiet.
Through the confusion Osbon passed
with the assurance that two rowboats
had been sent out to forage and that
food would presently arrive. His good
humor had not failed him. and wher-
ever he passed he left trail Of
smiles behind.
At the sight of the mass of rugs
borne by Esterbrookes man Osbon's
eye frightened, and after seeing that
Betty was made comfortable the rest
We're Communicated for the women
and children. Esterbrooke ventured a
protest, but for once Osbon forgot to
smile.
Your order got us into this hole"
he said Hereby III | hear another
word from you I'll throw you over
| board"
lie looked as though he longed To do
1t, and Esterbrooke subsidized with
suddenness that was surprising
The return of the boats with such
stores us they could obtain helped to
lessen the discomfort. Osbon dealt
out the supplies with a careful hand
and a CHEEKY word, and presently the
women and children sought rest on
the saloon floor. The men gathered on
the lower deck and smoked and slept
as their fancy dictated.
Esterbrooke, finding the situation
lntolerable. at last engaged some of
the crew to put him ashore. When
the morning sun began to paint the
east and Betty came out of the cabin
for Il breath OF fresh aif she found
Osbon leaning against pillar and
searching the horizon for the smoke
that should signal the advent of the
rescuing steamer.
you have been up all nighti" she
asked, with quick sympathy.
Osbon nodded.
Il never did like to sleep In Il coal
| bin" he explained This was hard
coal too"
"How did Mr. Esterbrooke stand itYt
she asked.
He went ashore" explained Osbon.
He felt assured that you would be
looked after"
with you on board" assented Bet
| ty tenderly you We're host in
| yourself, dear. II guess | love you
even II you are not romantic"
Good humor is better than romance
sometimes" he said softly as he took
| her In his arms But | never thought
| that 1t would win you for me, dear"
Betty looked into the heavy lidded
eyes. now glowing with affection, and
saw the man behind the boyishness.
I'm glad 1t did" she simply said.
And TO that Osbon added amen"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-07-29
Marital Persiflaaa.

II must confess" remarked Mrs.
Crabbe, 81 don't believe there ever was
really perfect man"
We'll" replied Mr.. Crabbe, Il sup
pose that's because Eve wasn't made
first"
How do you meant"
"Well, II Eve had been made first
she would have bossed the job OF max
Ing ADAM Philadelphia Press
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-07-29
Shouldn't Overfeed Hubby.

Hint for young wives who desire to
have their husbands retain their boy
ish, slender figures: In an address at
Vienna on the subject OF food Pro.
fessor Karl Van Noorden. one Of the
greatest medical experts in Europe. ut
tered an emphatic protest ae vt
wives who Overfeed their husbands.
He declared that the reason 30 many
begin to get fat Immediately after they
have married Is that their wives give
them their favorite dishes ON every
possible occasion.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-07-29
Aid For the Explorer.

"Peary,' said II geographer OF Chica,
go, never started on one of his explor-
Ing expeditions without receiving by
mail and express all sorts Of packages
from cranks-cOwhide underwear, tea
tablets, medicated boots and what not
"Peary once told me that George AIDE
few days before the start of one trip
wired him to expect an important pack
age by express.
The package came. 1t was labeled
10 be opened ut the farthest point
north
"Peary opened 1t at once. however.
1t was Il small key, inscribed:
"'Axle greese for the pole
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-07-29
An Inducenlent.

rs there anything | can dc" cried
an exasperaled west side mother ito
induce you to go to bedf"
promptly.
well, for goodness sake, what Is
itY
"Lemme stay up an hour longer. -
Cleveland Leader
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-07-29
A Maori Name.

A seaside resort IN the Hawkes. bay
district Of New Zealand Is called by
the charming Maori name Tanatauka-
anglhangakoauau. But this IL only
an Authorization. The full name Is Tam,
atau whakatanglhangako
rarangikitanatahu The translation Is,
"The hill on which Tanenuarangl dhe
husband Of heaven played his flute to
his beloved" Auckland Letter.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-07-29
Easiar.

THAT house | have taken from you"
said the dissatisfied tenant, as horri-
bly, drafty. When | am sitting IN
the middle Of the room my hair blows
all over my head. Can't you do some
thing to the windowsf
Don't you think, SIR" replied the
house agent suavely. sit would be
easier and cheaper for you to get your
hair cutT-London Telegraph.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-07-29
Wealth a Burden.

"Do you find great wealth bur
DEM
Sometimes" answered Mr.. Cum
rox. There's never any telling when
mother and the girls are going to In
vest In a touring ear or n steam yacht
or foreign nobleman or some such
form Of worrimeDt and responsibility
Washington Star.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-07-29

Crouch The Rev. Mr. Smiley's
scheme to pass around the cigars and
let the men smoke during services has
proved failure Blink-What was
the trouble7 Grouch-His wife bought
the cigars.-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-07-29

De Tough want to return this dog
his ad. In the paper. The Lady-How
did you guess It was a gent" that put
the ad.. In? De Tough-'Cause II said.
mo questions asked. London Pick
Me.IIn
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-07-29
The pampered Pets.

"Hortense, call up Mr. De Millyuns
and ask for Fido'
"Yes, me lady"
Carlo wishes to bark to him over
the telephone Washington Herald.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-07-29
Useless Worry,

1t frequently happens that a woman
worries great deal over the question
OF calling on another woman who does
not care In the least whether she calls
or not.-Chicago Record Herald.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-07-29

Hewitt -Gruet cant write his own
name. Jewett~i know 1t. Whenever
he sees a man showing another man
how to make cross on an Australian
ballot he thinks he Ii forging his sigma
ture New York Press
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-07-29
Yet Both Laughed

ed-Why Is that NAH laughingf
Ned-Because he bought horse cheap
And what's the other chuckling
over?'
HE sold the horse"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-07-29

Folly is never long pleased with It
self.-German Proverb.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-07-29

If the brain does not SOW corn. II
plants thisties German Proyerb.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-07-29
HUMOR AND
ROMANCE.
By w. F. BRYAN.

Copyrighted. 1908. by Associated
Literary Press.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1908-07-29
BRADLEY'S
BUILDING.
BY ANDREW PHAIL.

Copyrighted. 1908. by Associated
Literary Press,
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-01-02

Miss Ethel G. Reid WAS an in
coming passenger Monday evening
from Lebanon, where she is teach
ing school this winter.
F. G. Marqusrdson will leave to-
morrow for Spokane, where he will
select stock of spring goods for
his department store.
Lawrence Shut is spending the
holidays with his parents, Mr.. and
Mrs. Il. NJ. Shut. Lawrence at
tends the school for the blind at
Salem.
The marriage of Mr.. Fred Fleet
aud Miss Margaret Winnard oc-
Cured Wednesday at the residence
OF the brides parents, Mr.. and
Mrs. w. II. Winnard, of Black
Horse, Rev. Porter officiating.
Both are popular young Heppner
people.
Owing to poor health G. O. Hue
lat has sold the Cash Shoe Store
and will seek for health in dif-
ferept climate. The Gazette re-
grets to see the loss in Heppner of
such business men as G, O. Huelat.
Taking charge of business that
was anything but prosperous. Mr..
Huelat's ability and enterprise soon
made difference that could not
help but be noticed. The final re-
suit was neat, modern store do
ing large and profitable business.
Mr.. Huelat is not only liberal and
progressive in busioess, but is pub
lie spirited and enthusiastic in
every enter prise for the public
good.
E. E. Beaman and Robt. Gaynor
are now in charge of the Cash
Shoe Store, "The Sign ofthe Boot"
having purchased the business
from G. 0. Huelat. The new firm
will undoubtedly enjoy good bus.
mess with this popular and we'll
established store. Mr.. Beaman
is an old resident of Heppner and
has always been very successful in
business. As a shoe man, Mr..
Gaynor Is specialist. For the
past three years he has been con-
nected with the Cash Shoe Store,
and his ability and untiring energy
has been a great help in the sue
cess of the business. Mr.. Gaynor
has been brought up in the shoe
business. He can sell shoes and
he can make shoes and understands
every detail of the business in
pleasing the public. 1t is not nec-
essary to state that Heppner will
continue to have a first class shoe
store.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1908-01-02
Local Notes.

G. Z. Bisbee came over from
Spray on the lst.
The masquerade hall on New
Years night was we'll attended and
netted the Club a handsome sum
of money.
Go to Fl. Howard for your car
pet and rug weaving. Prompt at
teniion to orders and satisfaction
guaranteed.
The recital given by Miss Ethel
Martin, of Milton, last Monday
evening was very successful and
certainly merited praise.
F. G. Marqusrdsen is in Spokane
to meet the representative Of East
ern wholesalers to buy new goods
for his big department store.
Today there are six prisoners in
the county Jail. This is the larg-
est number of prisoners confined in
the Jail for number of years.
The number will be reduced today.
Deputy sheriff Gus Mallory, assist
ed by VIM. McRoberts, will take
the three hobo burglars VINO plead
gvilty to breaking into the Lexipg-
ton depot, to the penitentiary.
Their names are Howard. Heiser.
and Moore. They have been in
jail since November 5. They will
also take young Hale to the reform
school. This will leave McCaslin
and Doherty, both held for murder.