davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1908-08-20

Overheard a sidewalk conversation
today. One man was drunk and an
other called him a liar and hit him
with a club"
"HW'hat Of it?'
"Well, 1t didn't seem half SO side
splitting as it does on the STAGE
Louisville Courier-JournaL.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1908-08-20

"Does your wife understand how to
train a cook so that she will be worth
keeping?" asked the gloomy optimist.
my Wife," replied the cheerful pes
simist, knows enough to let a cook
have her W way so that she will
think we are worth staying WITH
New York Press.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1908-08-20

The Professors Wife-You haven't
kissed me for q week. The Professor
labsentlyI-Are you sure? Then who Il
It ! have been kissin17-Lfe.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1908-08-20

The greatest trouble about gezrlnx 10
work after your summer vacation is
the thought that will keep coming that
you ought to be rested and refreshed
anyway.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1908-08-20

A meddlesome woman riding in a
trolley car began sneering at a young
mothers awkwardness with her baby
and said, II declare a woman ought
never to have q baby until she knows
how to hold It."
Nor a tongue either" quietly re
sponded the young mother.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1908-08-20

A healthy man is a king in his own
right; an unhealthy slave. Burdock
Blood Bitters builds up sound health
keeps you we'll.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1908-08-20
Chance For Him Yet.

Remarkable lawyer, that man. He
never lost q case"
THAT Is a fine record. Looks hke q
young man too"
"He's little more than a boy"
Never lost a single case7'
mo; he never had one"
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1908-08-20
"That man makes a lot of mistakes.

"That man makes a lot Of mistakes"
said one factory employee.
eyes," answered the other, more
than all the rest Of US put together.
The foreman just keeps him around
so that he can have some one to jump
on and show that he's boss."-Wash-
tngton Star.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1908-08-20
Poor Grill
as it Isl

Evens Up.
"Some women never realize the
worth Of their husbands"
"And there are Others"
eyes, that do"
II didn't mean that exactly"
What did you mean?"
"Some who never realize the worth
lessness of their husbands"
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1908-08-20

DeWitt's Little Early Risers, safe
easy, pleasant, sure. little liver pills.
Sold by w. A. Ferguson & Co.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1908-08-20

Getting Rid of Undesirables.
"You ought to make q merchant Of
your son."
why should II"
"He has fine business instincts"
Been swapping knives with you?"
mo. but I saw him out in the alley
with another boy a little while ago,
and I overheard them trying to trade
parents"
Saving Him.
Who Is that fine looking man you
just spoke to-"
THAT is my tailor"
Introduce me-"
mot much. He has troubles enough
as 1t is."
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1908-08-20
SIS your wife supersttiousr'

ID y00I WIG SuPeIOC1t10uS7
II think 30. There are thirteen but
tons of my clothes, and ! can't get her
to sew them on"
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1908-08-20

The Democrat will be sent from
now until election day, Nov. 3, for
twenty FIVE cents. This is a cash
offer. Subscribe at once.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1908-08-20
papa's Turn,

The hand that rocked the cradle
Once ruled the world. I trow;
The hand that shoves the baby cart
Don't have q look In now.
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12
Non-Union Man Benefits.

I believe that the benefits from the Union have been wonderful indeed. but l believe, too, that it has benefit ted the non-union men more than 1t has the union men. for this reason: The holding of cotton makes the price go up; there is just enough held to keep the price up around II, 12 or 13 cents, and the non-union man did get that for his cotton, while at the same time the union men those that held and afterward sold, never got that for one bale; while those that are yet holding haven't got that, nor their 15 cents, either Yet l believe if the union men alone could have all held their cotton that they would have obtained the 15 cents just as easily as they did the 10 cents. the year before.
 Brother. quit buying anything from tnose that oppose us. find out who they are and don't tell them the req son that you are going to quit, but just quit.
 So we Me soon going to have a Farmers Union cotton mill in the pro gressive city of Fort Worth?
 l see some are opposing that meas ure, very ably, too; but it's because they haven't yet ascertained the real benefit that that move will be to us. I haven't space to give the reason why I speak as l do, but I'll just re mark that l do oppose the so-ealled warehouse system to the bitter end The spinners have to have the cotton it matters not where he finds it. Of course to bulk it up is a good idea, but YOU can do that at gin lots and save this expense.-W. A. Little, in Nation al Co-Operator.
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12

blow because the leaders or cGpI al or 1 the speculators worship the god or selfishness under the rays of a false star and yet amid all this. the cause i of our intended rights has forged ahead and We are steadily climbing the summit Of the mount of victory.
 To whom must credit be given for much of the glorious wealth Of the world today? Should we tthe follow CTS of the Plowl not be reeegaIzed2 Yes, verify I say we are worthy Of special recognition Who but the farmer is a more important factor in creating the millions of dollars that go into the hands Of the capitalists every year? And yet he is the least considered of industrial agencies.
 But in the clamor for liberty it is remarkable to hear the sentiments ex- pressed in the heat of the conflict.
 The cry is of the same order as is heard from the depressed legions or the wage earners. As an illustration we will quote an extract from ser mon we once read in which the good theologian said:
 Good people, things will never go well so long as there be williams and gentlemen. By what right are they whom We call lords greater folks than we? On what grounds have they de served 1t? Why do they hold us in serfage2 If we all come of the same father and mother, of Adam and Eve, how can they say or prove that they are better than We, if it be not that they make us gain for them what they spend on their pride? They are clothed in velvet and warm in their furs and ermins, while We are covered with rags and patches. They have wine and spices and fair bread, and we eat cake and straw and water to drink. They have leisure and fine houses, we have pain and labor, the rain and the wind in the fields, and yet it is of us and our toll that these men hold their state.'
 This is one of the many pictures at which We may look and see our own conditions.
 The dignity of labor demands that lue ldDOIeTS are JuSliHtd III COluDlHlhS their forces for mutual protection, and the initiative must be taken by us our selves, therefore, we have organized our forces and have shown what formida- ble host We are. It is case Of great nation awakening out of sleep to see how large she is. So our hosts have come to see that they have all power in their hands, if they can only man. fest it. We see that the problem is not easy of solution, yet each struggle is a step toward the end, and our army even at the cost of many mistakes and blunders, will continue their agita- tion, and push their campaign until some Waterloo, Gettysburg or Plain of Abraham is reached, where their deci- sive battle will be fought, and the cause of Unionism win it's day. Till then all hearts must be patient; every soul in earnest willing to suffer if need be. until the day of redemption is at hand
 So let us stand hand in hand and clasping hands, united. all united now, and united forever. Yours in the Union-Wm. R. Burt, Wilton, Ark, in National Co-operator and Farm Journal
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12
BOY KEPT SCRATCHING.
Eczema sss,eu Years-Face Was All Raw-Skin Specialists Failed, But
 Cuticura Effected Cure.

"When my little boy was six weeks old an eruption broke out on his face. l took him to a doctor, but his face kept on getting worse until it got so bad that no one could look at him. His whole face was one crust and must have been very painful. He scratched day and night until his face was raw. Then took him to all the best specialists in skin diseases but they could not do much for him. The eczema got on his arms and legs and We could not get nights sleep in months. l got a set of Guticura Rene dies and he felt relieved the first time | used them. l gave the Cutieura Remedies a good trial and gradually the eczema healed all up. He is now seven years old and 1 think the trou- ble will never return. Mrs. John G. Klumpp, so Niagara St., Newark, N. j., Oct. II and 22, 1907.'
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12
T6e
 General Demand

of the Well-Informed of the World has always been for a simple, pleasant and efficient liquid laxative remedy of known value; laxative which physicians could sanction for family use because it's com Penent parts arc known to them to be wholesome and truly beneficial in effect, acceptable to the system and gentle, yet prompt, in action.
 In supplying that demand with its ex- ,ellent combination of Syrup of Figs and Elixir of Senna, the California Ii Syrup Co. proceeds along ethical lines and relies on the merits of the laxative for it's remark able success.
 That is one of many reasons why Syrup of Figs and Elixir of Senna is given the preference by the We'll Informed. To get it's beneficial effects always buy the genuinc-manufactu by the Cali fornia Fig Syrup Co, only, and for safe by all leading druggists. Price fifty cents per bottle.
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12
Farmers Educational
 -AND- Co-Operative Union Of America
When Ma Changed Her Mind.

When Ma Changed Her Mind. I'm little farmer girl.
 My name is Elizabeth Ann, And I'm the happiest girl alive. Cause pas Farmers Union man. Pas just lately joined the Union. But I guess he's all Q. K. For when you mention Unionism He says This time were going to
 stay" When the organizer first come round Ma lowed she wasn't going to let pa
 iine But she went to the county picnic And now she's changed her mind. Since ma heard the county president And the other speakers talk, Ma says the farmers should all line up And then make 'em walk the chalk. Ma told pa the other day
 That he'd better talk Union" jine
 anu 6Oy And pa. just teasin' ma. you know, Said T ain't got the dough" Now ma she had things fixed up, And pa he couldn't refuse. When ma said 'I'll sell eggs and butter And pay up all your dues. So pa he hiked out to the lodge, And joined that very night. And now for ma and pa and me I'll
 say,
 The Farmers Union IS all right. Hollis c. Franklin in National Co Operator.
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12
The Little Girl and the Donkey.

The fouryear-old daughter of a Washington man not long ago saw donkey for the first time. She talked to her father a good deal touching the unusual sight. IL was a dear donkey" It was a lovely donkey" etc. etc. Soon the child exhausted her stock of adjectives.
 And so you liked the donkey, did you?" asked the fond parent
 "Oh, so much. daddy" returned the youngster. That is, I liked him pret- ty well. But 1 didn't like to hear him donk. '-Lippincott's
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12
EAGER TO WORK Health Resained by Right Food.

The average healthy man or woman is usually eager to be busy at some useful task or employment
 But let dyspepsia or indigestion get hold of one, and all endeayor becomes 8 burden.
 "A year ago. after recovering from an operation writes a Mich. lady. my stomach and nerves began to give n.e much trouble.
 At times my appetite was vora- eious. but when indulged, indigestion followed. Other times had no appetite whatever. The food I took did not nourish me, and l grew weaker than ever.
 sI lost interest in everything, and wanted to be alone. had always had good nerves, but now the merest trife would upset me and bring on vio- lent headache. Walking across the room was an effort and prescribed ex- ereise was out Of the question.
 T had seen Grape-Nuts advertised, but did not believe what l read. at the time. At last when 1t seemed as if were literally starving, l began to eat Grape-Nuts.
 T had mol been able to work for a year. but now after two months on GrapeNuts am eager to be at work again. My stomach gives me no trou- ble now, my nerves are steady as ever, and interest in life and ambition have came back with the return to health"
 There's a Reason
 Name given by Postum Co, Battle Creek, Mich. Read The Road to We'll yille," in pkgs.
 Ever read the above letter. new one appears from time 10 time. They are genuine. trues and full of humAn interest.
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12
A MERE CIPHER,
Inculted.

The big stray dog loomed up from behind an ash barrel
 Look here" he growled savagely. 'I have a bone to pick with you
 The muti-millionaire' bull pup looked up with wounded dignity.
 What" he responded, in the dog language. pick bone? Why. I never ate anything but boneless chicken and ham in my life. On your way, you tramp"
 And leaping into his masters s20,. 000 automobile he was whisked off to the park.
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12

The forestry department of the gov enrnment has ordered the rangers in Nevada to kill on sight all wild horses found on the government domain. There are about 15,000 wild horses on the reserve They are doing much damage to vegetation and attracting domestic animals to their herds.
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12
SEEMED A TRIPLE PERSONAL.
cIerayman's Particular Reason TOT
 Quitting the Fifth Verse.

A clergyman in an interior town married a woman from whom he re- ceived a dowry of s1o,0OO and a pros pect of more. Shortly afterwards while occupying the pulpit, he gave out A hymn. read the first verse and proceeded to read the fifth, com mencing:
 Forever let my grateful heart, then he hesitated and exclaimed; The choir will omit the fifth verse Some of the congregation read the verse for themselves and smiled as they read:
 Forever let my grateful heart
 His boundless grace adore.
 Which gives ten thousand blessings now
 And bids me hope for more
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12
A Household Necessity.

I would almost as soon think of running my farm without implements as without Hunts Lightning Oil Of all the liniments I have ever used, for both man and beast, it is the quick est in action and richest in results. For burns and fresh cuts it is absolute ly wonderful. 1 regard it as a house. hold necessity. Yours truly,
 S. HARRISON.
 Kosciusko. Miss.
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12
Rest and SIeep.

Few escape those miserfes of win ter-a bad cold, distressing cough. Many remedies are recommended, but the one quickest and best of all is Simmons Cough Syrup. Soothing and healing to the lungs and bronchial passages, it stops the cough at once and gives you welcome rest and peace ful sleep
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12
His Opinion.

De race has got ter rise an shine ef ever it hopes ter git dar." said Brother Williams. Too many of us thinks dat all we got ter do is ter go ter sleep in de hot sun SG rise up an
 eat watermillions in de shade. Dey ain't no room in dis worl' fer de lazy man. He's always de one what gifts run over, an den lays dar an howls bekaze he's hurt! !"-Atlanta Constitu-
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12
Don't Be irritable.

An irritated skin makes an irri table person, and an irritable person gathers much trouble unto himself or herself, as the case may be. Moral; Use Hunts Cure, one box of which is absolutely and unqualifedly guafan- teed to cure any form of skin trouble Any kind Of itching known is relieved al once, and one box cures
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12
The Great Battle of the Aqe.

Q While our organization is yet in it's e infancy we realize that We are engaged Q Tn a great warfare, but We have al l. ready made manifest some or our d strength. yet in the near future we e shall see more of our manhood than e ever before.
 e All the by-gone struggles and seiges II are only stepping stones to the golden e future. which will so outshine the past d that it will be crown Of glory ill Il the history of the grand old r. l.. and E. c. U. of A.
 e Since man has lived upon the earth u many great and trying questions have y been settled Some by sharp debates in congress. some by political cam T. paigns; and still others by great and T. decisive battles in which hundreds and '' even thousands of human lives were
 sacrificed.
 Today one of the greatest conflicts
 between man and man, which has
 never reached final settlement, is the strife between the producer and he , .ufacturer or more generally speak nem I between capital and labor after nation. as il advanced
 
 o,,+r;h, he scale of civilization, has dealt or less in such conflicts. We iiS Wet very much that We today are luch ned to be thus engaged, but we, the
 ucers and sons of toll, have en-
 l our complaint against the capi- De [, contending that our rights have | ioi' trampled under foot and that we ass ou not receiving a sufficient or re- ridav aerative return for the product of ,tionc labor.
 '''oii'. 1t of such charges there has arisen lens W,tter antagonism. The lines are turned more clearly and tightly drawn d d;.o. ever before, and while you may
 yet see and understand how peace or pc prosperity is within your grasp, 9 of tan see with prophetic eye the .,,,or ng transformation in which pres conditions will be changed and lihf pURer of the long intruding antagonist
 crushed by defeat, and the gates of a
 new commercial system opened unto
 us.
 h The regiments of our army are now IF great, but ere they pass over the dark n. rayine We trust that you who have not yet joined our ranks may see and e. realize that this great fight is for you D, and that it is your duty to fall in line Il and help to continue the storming of | the breastworks of the enemy until II our cause shall not only be recognized 's but until complete victory is perched " upon our banner
 ask you to understand. if you
 please, that the issues involved in this It great conflict are not to be laughed at t nor cast aside with a smile.
 There are great problems to be u solved and the great question will be
 settled and ip the right manner May
 the final and decisive struggle be a
 bloodless operation.
 We, the laborers in this Southland,
 can count on our millions of men. n while the other side can boast if it's e millions of money So it is plainly eyi-
 dent and easy to see that this famous st conflict is one of man against money, 's or small army with great resources
 arrayed against a numberless army Il with limited resources at present. , During these disputes justice has t and is still suffering many an unjust
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12

The bacteria which work upon the clements of plant food in the soil, converting them from an insoluble to a soluble form, play a most important part in life. Soil aeration is one ef the things required by these bacteria. and this condition in the soil is SC cured by continuous cultivation.
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12
.It Knocks the Itch"

It may not cure all your ills. but 1t does cure one of the worst. It cures any form of itch ever known-no mat ter what it's called. where the sensa- tion is itch" fl knocks it Eczema, are cured by one box. It's guaranteed. and its name is Hunts
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12
His Epitaph,

T have just one request, said the dying man to his relatives.
 What is it ?" they asked him earn. estly We will grant you anything.
 Well" replied the man, feebly, T want you to have carved upon my monument these words: Here lies a man who worked for his living
 Realizing that he had forestalled any attempt on the part of his rich re- lations to brag too much about their family connections, he sank into a sweet sleep.
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12
Nuts.

One very great advantage which nuts possess over most foods is thei. absolute freedom from adulteration. When you buy nuts. you always know what you are getting Of course, those bought in the shell are also ab- solutely clean. And what a beautiful source they come from. How delight ful 10 picture the trees upon which they grow, on the outerm0st branches dancing in the sunbeams.-Good Health
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12

Ire IS talk again of work doeginning on the Parker dead, north. We sincerely this will not end in talk. people are more than anx. That this road be built
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12
HoW's This?

We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward for any ease of Casarrh that cannot be cured by Halls Caiatrh Cure.
 r. J. CHENEY & CO, Toledo, o. We, the undersigned, have known F. J. Cheney for the last 5 years and believe him perfectly hon. orabie in all busfness transactions and financially able to carry out any obligations made by his firm.
 WALDING, kINNAN X MARVIN.
 Wholesale Druggists, Toledo O. Halls CatarTh Cure is taken internally. acting directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces of the system. Testimonials sent free Prize 75 cents per bottle. Sold by all Druggists.
 Take Halls Family Pills for constipation
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12

The Farmers Union does and must stand opposed to all forms of law lessness and hence cannot counte- nance night riding. Let's keep down lawlessness amors farmers and then give the world to understand the equally criminal overriding of law by the monied interests must stop.
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12

martyr to kidney trouble. backache, dizzy spells. head aches and ter rible bearing-down Iain. l used one remedy after an- other without bene- Finally l used a box of Doans
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12

Talk about shipping cotton and it gives the street heeler the mysteries; put it on the platform and 1t gives him the jimjams; ship it and it gives the delirirm tremens: sell it at the port and the little cuss dies.
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12
"Cheap skates.n

In the town of North Andover in habitants have been seen to smile derisively at the following card in hardware show window: "Kittner & Spinney, Cheap Skates. Come in and Look Them Oyer"
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12

tan carried the solid South. the single exception Of Mis- + and three Western States. rado, Nebraska and Ne. Q while Taft carried the rest cation and the Pacific
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12
In Chicago.

Ella-That man slipped on my foot. Stella--Why don't you put ashes on it?
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12

Kidney Pills and the backache ceased. Encouraged. kept on. and by the time l had used three boxes not sign of the trouble remained. My health is perfect"
 Sold by all dealers. 50 cents a box. Foster-Milburn Co.,, Buffalo. N. Y.
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12

It is only a very dominant husband who can convince his wife it wasn't his fault that she forgot to cover the geranium bed to protect it from frost. Indianapolis News.
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12

Fine wire netting about the yard of the little chicks will keep out rats un- less they dig under. If they G0 that better put cement fiocr under the en- closure
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12

Lice like to hide away under the ends of the roosts. Every time you spray, lift the roosts and give the pests a dose that will drive them out for good and all.
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12

About the only person who does not seem to be particularly concerned just row over the future of the farmer is the farmer-Providenc Tribune.
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12
 Rather EHea1inzte.

The Saucepan-I wonder what makes the kettle so happy. It hasn't stopped singing all day
 The Coffee Pot-Why. didn't you notice its new lid?-Puck.
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12

The poultry house should be so sit uated that it will not become damp underneath. Damp houses arc worse than damp yards, both es~ .o Se avoided.
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12

likeness induces feather pulling. con. sequently provide work for the hens. He lg up a raw bone with meat shreds attached where they can reach it.
The Monticellonian., 1908-11-12
Cost of Royalty.

The annuities paid by the British people to the king and queen amount to s2,350,00O; s500,000 is paid in an nuities to other members of the royal family