The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1908-12-11
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
a BAD CASE.

By a Distressed wife.

My husband is az last convinced of
the error of his ways, and has inn
plored me 10 give his free and frank
confession 70 the world. My husband
is-or was-a very enthusiastic man,
and imagines that he has a fine eye
for the arts. Being a lawyer, he en-
Joys considerable leisure in the after
Moons, and it is this that has proved
his ruin. | shall never forget his
first offense. 1t was very shortly
after our marriage, | was wondering
why he was so late for dinner, when
suddenly cab drove up to the door
For one moment ! fancied that it
must be his mother wives have their
mothers-in-law as well IS husbands"
Imagine my astonishme when out
jumps my husband, with a guilty
jauntiness of demeanor, presents the
cabby with five shillings (I noted this
extravaganza myself from the win
dow, and is followed by that func-
tionary, staggering under an enor-
nous burden, swathed in brown hol-
land, up the steps. The usual loafer
rushes forward and fresh gratuity
is distributed, to the horror of my
economical mind At last. the thing
apparently a miniature of the great
pyramids deposited in our small
hall with a resonant bang, and its
bearers depart.
What on earth makes you so very
unpunctuai, dear? The soup will be
quite spoiled. And what, in heavens
name, is this?"
Il thought you'd like it, darling
tthis with a nervous fiush). It's the
most wonderful bargain, and it would
have been really wicked to have let
il slip. It's "a genuine Elizabethan-
but, there, see it for yourself"
The mummy-like bandages were at
last removed, and what do you think
l beheld? An enormous, rusty,
musty, and hideous clock!
Yes" he continued; "a real an
tique, Elizabethan, musical clock. 1t
plays six tunes of the period; and,
what's more, look at the initials gra-
ven on the face-'W. s. I've very
little doubt that il once belonged o
Shakespeare himself. who was very
fond of mechanical inventions.
shall have, of course, TO have it re-
paired and done up, Ind then it will
look splendid in the dining-room.
He quite took my breath away; !
rould only calculate, Where on earth
did you pick it up, and what did you
pay for it?".
AT the sale Of an old house.
Every one said IL was ridiculousiy
cheap, and that they'd have given
twice as much if only they had
known. Just think, only hundred
dollars! Why, could get two hun
dred for it any day"
White elephants were nothing to
this disgusting "horc,oge." as |
found it described in the catalogue.
IT cost twenty dollars to put right,
and then il smashed twenty dollars
worth of things in being fixed mp.
At sometimes played its miserable So
called tunes so rapidly that YOU had
10 stuff your fingers in your ears; at
others, il emitted spasmo1ic and
rSen-like croak that was positively
alarming. At last. thank heaven il
stopped-"never TO go again." and
firmly resolved that not one penny
more should be spent in doing 1t
tand u.s. up" Add to this that
subsequently discovered a Geneva
makers name inside. ] could wish
that | had been more stern on this
first occasion: but | was weak. like
too many young wives, and was salts
fed with a scolding. The result w1s
that We gradually became deluged
with the most miserable miscellany
of rubbishy bric-a- -brac. damaged fur
piture, dubious pictures, and, in
word, the refuse of the auction-room.
To believe ny husband, we were the
proud possessors of Cromwells hat.
ByTon's toothbrush, one Of Sheri-
dams | o US. curl OF Marie Antoi-
nette's, a Rubens, a Rembrandt. a
George Morland U believe this latter
is the evil genius Of the Picker-up) :,
and whole roomful OF split and use
Tess "Chippendale" and Sheraton.
etc. And all had been acquired at
sales which had a history" at an
-absurd sacrifice and 10 the admir-
alton OF the disappointed bystand-
ers. saw that the fendish habit
was gradually growing upon him. like
drink or gaming. hope / know my
duty: resolved 10 protect myself and
him; and, after an awful scene en-
suing on his acquisition or an in
fected sedan-chair. I exacted from
him a solemn pledge 10 give up this
pernicious habit once and forever.
But ! was inexperienced; I should
have known the male mind better.
Deferred from the open pursuit OF
his nefarious designs. he determined
TO srluggle his purchases In secret.
had observed him lingering some
what suspiciously over the auction
advertisements of the dsilies, and
noticed also that his coatpocsets
bulged out curiously on his nightly
49, 49, A..