The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-01-27
New York SUM


Mostly" said old man Greenhut,
them that knows everything don't
know nothin', an what they does know
they don't know FIR sartain. You en-
most gently spot 'em FIN hearin' 'em
contradict their betters, don't make no
difference what's said. If a man was
to say the sun riz in tn east, an one
o. them wise gazaboos was to hear it
he'd butt in 18th one o. them maddenin'
contradictions I'm tellin' about. He'd
say, like 1 heard fool preacher say
one time, t all depended on what time
O. year twas. Sometimes the sun d
raise leetle to the southeast. An he'd
tell about books he'd read it into, just
as if any old lie t cd be told d be
true if twas printed into a book.
There amt no use argyin' 18th a man
like that, nor you can't tell him nothin'
it'll do no good. If you was TO 'xplain
as how the sun afays has to rise in the
east ,bein' as it's east on account O. the
sun risin there, you couldn't make him
understand as how it stands to reason
that can't be nothin' else but the east.
Hits just like the Good Book says:
When a fool brays, you en- stomp him
into a mess o. mortar, but he'll keep
on bein' a fool The on'y way I ever
knowed @ gettin' any satisfaction outen
a zap o. that kind is to back him up
on a train comm. O. course, bein' the
sort o. mule he is, he'll swear there
amt no train. Then you'll hear the
scrunch of his bones, an you have a
little peace comm your way.
There was a man like that come to
Arkansas City some years ago name o.
Jim Foster Come ashore some sudden,
too. Pears he'd been a engineer, an
torable good one, but he never cd
get along with the old man on any O.
the boats, bein' as he couldn't take or
ders 'thouten disputin' an argyin' till
the old man'd fire him., an he went I'm
one boat to another till nigh all the
cap'ns on the river knowed him too well
ever TO hire him.
"Cap'n Witherspoon. t run the Vicks-
burg one season hisself havin' bought
her, he was short of a engineer one
trip an he took Foster in on pinch.
Pears he was drivin' the Vicksburg
some that trip FIR a record an it also
pears t Foster got some 'Xcited over
it.
1.-THE cap'n he steered up lords the
leyee here to Arkansas City, reck' min
on maxim a landin', an when the time
come he give the signal TO slow down,
but Foster KEEP her goin' full speed
not payin' no 'tention to signals, an
not answerin' nothin' the cap'n was
sayin' through the pipe.
so the cap'n he turns the wheel over
to the pilot an tells him to keep clear
o. the shore an he went down to the
engine room for to say things. Soon as
he got there he went up in the air sud-
den with all four feet. Pears Foster'd
nailed the safety valve down, an was
hollerin' to the rousters at the furnace
for to put more wood on the fire, the
furnace bein' red hot then, an he had
the steam up to somepin' like 700 an
tn indicator movin' up higher every
minute.
''The cap'n he yelled: What's the
matter with you? Are you drunk?
You'll bust the biler in minute or
two But Foster said, Bust nothin'. l
know what she'll stand. You said you
was wishin' for to make record with
your dodgasted old boat, an I'm max
in il for you, amt Just then the
biler did bust, like the cap'n had said,
an Foster was bowed up through two
decks, nigh quarter of a mile Up in
the air an more'n half "a mile side
ways, SOS t he fell right 'longside o.
the leVee an the rouSters fished him
out
HE sure was in scan'lous condi-
ton, bein' as the clo'es was mostly
tored often him, goin' through them
decks, an he were hurried some serious,
besides. More'n likely he'd "a died,
only the doctor they fetched fer to look
him over said 't'wa'n't no use; he'd Gle
FIR sure.
Didn't seem like Foster CD "a herd
what he said, bein' he was all tore up
an stunned like he was, but he herd
it all right. an he says, like he had to
say. bein' the kind he was, he says:
Not on your life, l won't die! An he
didn't. Pears like the on'y good he
ever got outen that contr'y disposition
O. liisn vast he was too cFossways to
die when he'd oughter."
"Oh, / don't know" said Mr.. Owen
Pepper. Stands to reason f his time
had came fer to die he'd "a died. Bein'
as he didn't die, shows his time hadn't