Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1908-02-08
"A TRIP TO MARS
NATION DOES Nor FIGHT
WITH NATION THERE.


It was divided up into series of
countries with different ideals and
different languages, AS far as have
been able to make 1t out, however,
this is not the case. My interpreter,
who travelled with me over many
lands and seas, assured me that as
far as he knew the same language
was spoken all over the planet. It
is therefore quite correct to speak of
Mars as a country rather than a
world.
remember causing great deal
of laughter when l tried to explain
through my interpreter to a body OF
learned men that our world was split
up into several countries, all fighting
more or less against each other. 1t
is by making these little explanations
from time to time that / have picked
up the only Marian word know 1t
is something like cough and a low
whistle combined, and my Interpreter
tells me it is the word that Martians
use to express the opinion that some
body is very reckless liar indeed.
In Mars the provinces that produce
corn pool their harvests for the gen.
eral profit, and all the other produc-
ers do the same. There is no buying
and selling at all, and when you
come to think of 1t, there is a certain
common sense principle underlying
the practice, because If you buy a
bushel of corn for twelve shillings
and sell it for thirteen and six, you
haven't really increased the value IT.
self by half penny. The odd eight
eenpence is only supposed increase
that has got to come out of the pock-
cts of somebody or another.
/ was thrown out of meeting for
trying to make a gathering of Mar
tians believe that man could handle
corn in that way in this country and
pocket the eighteenpence for himself.
One Marian got up and said that ii
that was our idea of right and justice
1t was clear that II one man, or a
syndicate, were rich enough to buy
up half my country Of England, they
could turn all the Inhabitants out
i
him that that was nonsense, and he
replied rather testify that he had rec
ognized 1t as such all the while / was
talking 1t. A moment later the pc
culiar combination of whistle and
cough buzzed in my ear from hum
bred lips, and was pushed off the
doorstep.
One evening about that time lost
my Interpreter, who acted also as my
guide, and l had to roam through
large city by myself looking for him.
AS went along I noticed Marian
gentleman on the opposite side of the
street, evidently suffering from the
effects of strong drink. / have seen
people like that in my own country,
but in Mars the effect of drink is
rather different. This gentleman, for
instance, had got an elongated arm
stretched right across the street, in
order to enable him to preserve his
balance, and as 1 wanted to get by I
took the liberty of pushing it on one
side. That is where the trouble be-
gan.
am not so foolish, of course, as to
suppose that can take on a whole
world single handed, but in the hurry
of the moment l didn't think about
the consequences. The first effect of
moving the inebriate's arm was to
destroy his balance, and he came
down frightful cropper. The next
minute his eyes were running up and
down, all over me, evidently with
the view of taking stock Of my fight
ing form, and as the survey appar-
emily satisfied the gentleman COM
pletely he shot leg across the road
and kicked me unceremoniously
through somebody's drawing room
window. OF course l scrambled out
again as quickly as possible and hur-
ried toward him with view OF sup
plying him with the local equivalent
for very thick ear. Long before 1
could get UP to him, however, his
hands had begun to slap me from a
distance of a dozen yards or so, and
1t was quite the most exciting fight I
remembered having had since a po-
liceman in footing once pushed me
against the fence in the course of q
heated argument. think the police
mans widow was subsequently PEN
stoned off, though I am not quite
sure.
To begin with, caught a grip on
one of the Martian's hands, and while
the other hand was smacking me
about regardless, was punching as
much of him as could get at with
fearful energy. Evidently he had
had enough of it after a while, be-
cause he drew the hand back and sent
out foot instead. 1t seemed to me
that If / could only hold out long
enough / would be able to do him
right up on the instalment plan, but
just at that moment my interpreter
came up and wanted to know what
the matter was. / explained to him
that was just settling purely per-
sonal dispute, and that in three or
four hours at the outside l hoped to
be able to reduce my assailant to
state of penitent pulp. My interpre-
ter said that was really giving my
self lot of trouble for nothing, and
as he spoke he shot one arm along in
one direction and another in the OPP
posite direction, while his thumbs
whistled out an appeal for help.
The result was very peculiar. In
about half second the street was
full Of eyes surveying the situation.
Then the eyes shot back with series
of clicks, and several hands shot out
from nowhere and gripped my ine-
briate friend from behind and dragged
him away.
asked the interpreter whether the
offender would be punished, and for
a long time he could not understand
me. Indeed, / practically had to ex-
plain the details of the British penal
code before he could even grasp what
was driving at. AS usual, he was
varv much amused He aynlotnad