The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1908-07-30

scared and perturbed look, and as soon
as he reached the corner he entered a
saloon aid tossed OF a glass of beer
and said to the bartender:
Il don't know whether you have got
on to it or not. but | can tell you that
old BOwser down the street is off his
base and will be in a lunatic asylum
in less than month"
Mr.. BowSer moved a bureau. Mrs.
Bowser expected him to jump at it and
jam and ram and push and batter and
have il on its back within a minute.
Q he guided it along as tenderly as
II had been walking baby. Tears
of gratitude We're about to spring to
her eyes when there was another call
er- He had invented an air com
pressOr that must revolutiOnize the
mechanics of the world 1t was lust
the size of pound box of peanut brit
tie, and yet it would propel an ocean
steamship at the rate of thirty miles
an hour. No more coal; no more en-
gineers and firemen and stokers. Set
the compressor going on leaving New
York and stop it at Liverpool or Lon
don. Required no more attention than
an old maid. Couldn't possibly get out
of order and could be made for 81
apiece and sell for 100000.
"Sorry-very sorry" replied Mr.. Bow
ser as soon AS he could cut in. ~ be-
lieve the druggist on the corner is in
terestcd in such things. but am not
''Wh&t. You don't want to make
tens Of millions of dollars?"
Not today, thankee"
But I haven't got into the wrong
house,"
oh. no! am Mr. Eowser"
And YOU buy LegLorn chickens,
Devonshire pigs and all sorts of fire
ESCAPES and patent snow removers, and
yet you won't go into this?"
please shut the gate as you go out"
The man pleased He shut the gate
with a bang, and halfway to the cor
ner he stopped a pedestrian to say:
Il shouldn't care to come along here
in the night I'll bet that half the
holdups around here are the work of
that old Bowser."
Mrs. Bowser wanted to say some
thing She wanted to cry. She wanted
to put her arms around Mr.. Bowser's
neck and tell him what a good man he
was, but he was moving the bedstead.
and she had TO put it off. He didn't
walk up to those bedsteads and yank
the mattresses off and give the springs
a fling. He denuded and disrobed them
with gentleness. He didn't seize a bed
stead by one post and yank and heave
and pull and lay the whole thing fat
on the floor in a brass and iron ruin.
He Was So Gentle!
Gently, tenderly, quietly, he took out
the side pieces in the regular way and
carried the head and foot pieces to the
new spot and set them up again
not a mar nor a scratch, not a
whoop nor cuss word. AS the show
bills have it, there was nothing
throughout the whole performance to
offend the most fastidious He had just
finished when another caller arrived,
and he had to go downstairs. 1t was a
man with a patent device to prevent
railroad accidents-that is, it was des-
tined to prevent conductors and engf-
neers from overrunning their time and
bringing about head and rear end col
lisions. 1t was a No. y cowhide boot
fastened on to a lever to be worked by
steam from the engine. Every two
minutes it gave conductor and engi-
neer kick and called their direct at
tention to a card on which was in
scribed, Look Out For the Dog"
The railroad kicker" as the invent
or had named it, was the greatest thing
ever invented. Railroads all over the
country We're crying for it. The public
were demanding its use. 1t could save
10000 human lives and S50,OOO.OO0
worth Of property year. 1t would
render travel on the railroads as safe
as on the sidewalks. 1t would
But Mr.. Rowser stopped him there
by saying that he wasn't investing and
by advising him to go to the coal man
down the street Five more men called
during the day and seven during the
evening. The last to call was a ward
heller, and he rendered Mr.. Bowser
the nomination for the presidency in
exchange for a five dollar bill and the
appointment of minister to st. James
He followed the others outdoors and
up the street and into the land Of
blighted hopes, and then Mrs Bowser
broke down and wept in her gratitude
and anxiety, and the house was closed
for the night NJ OTTAD