davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-21
ON TO THE ROPES.

Ell guess my father must have been
a pretty bad boy" said one youngster.
"Why?" inquired the other.
Because he knows exactly what
questions to ask when he wants to
know what I've been doing."-Wash-
ineton Star.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-21
81 2AgMtsome Mocd
CUTTING HIS TEETH.

II guess pa must have passed n lot
of time at the dentists when he was in
New York" said Johnny Green. why
do you think SOP" queried his ma
"'Cause I heard him tell a man today
that it cost him nearly $500 to get his
eye-tooth cut" replied Johnny.==Chi-
cago News.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-21
Chances Are You Have Met Sew
eral of the Species Mentioned
in This Sermon.

cabinet makers, stenographers OF music
teachers, will refuse any offer, except
that which they consider to be in the
line of their trade or profession.
Let us be bromides, my children, or
sulphides, or any old thing at all. ex-
cept Pinheads.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-21
SACRIFICE

She-Darling, would yOu NJ dDwn
your life for mel
He-Gladly, dearest
She-Then suppose you start right h
by breaking the news Of our engage
ment to Observation-Disclosures Record.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-21
ABOUT 1000.

Mrs. Savemm-f SEQ that soar was
discovered over 5000 years age.
Mr.. Savemm-And how long after
that did woman discover the wrappers
were valuable7-Puck.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-21
EXCUSARIK

'It seems to me that Jones doesuN
know his own mind"
well, o can't blame the man. Hs
has been on the Jury and has listened
to arguments of opposing lawyers %
much that he doesn't feel sure Of any
thing"
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-21
ONE OF THE ABSORBED.

WAS your business msrged In thuA
big deal7"
mo-" answered he trust yiottue
Submerged"
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-21
BEHIND HIS BACK

did you call me a liar?"
mot SO you could notice It,"
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-21
ONE YEAR LATER.

His Wife during the spat)-I only
married you out of pity.
Her Husband--Well, everybody pities
me now.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-21

Local option prohibiionists have been active throughout thu State elm secur
n pledges from candidates for the legislative nominations in advance Of the
p1ruarhs In country districts where the sentiment is additionally for re-
wtnrive OF prohibiuve legislation, pledges la been given by son candidates
while other candidates have evaded questions and been placed under the ban
In Essex h local prohbiuonists have the promise of Senator Colby to v@e for
a local option prohibition bin II the Legislature fails 10 mac a bill for Sunday
regulation. As it is extremely unlikely that the Legislature will pmsa ny such
hin, Senator Colby is practically committed to optional local prohibition, and
with the exception Of four men,t the New Iha Assembly candidates, who reflect
Senate CoIbys views, may b. expected to vote the same way. The Senate
majority Will favor local prohibition, as 1t Is controlled by the sentiment Of the
country districts. 1t would be easily possible. therefore for a local prohibition
lew Il b g passed with the votes OF a majority Of the Essex delegation in the
Lerdature Republican voters when they vote tomorrow Will doubtless keep
in mind the fact that they are % go on record in the first test in this county
Of the local prohibition question. They are to vote FOR or against a proposition
toesl opnon.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-21
ToMORROW'S PRIMARIES.

The last word has been said n he last votes Influenced In thu open
primary campaign in Jew Jersey The polls for the party primary elections
will he opened at 1 ]. n. tomorrow n close at Q p m, W hours later than
h closinso of the polls in a regular election. As there are numerous candidates
ame to be votedo IN. he counting of h vote will be SLOW, ad he results will
probab not be definitely known before daylight Wednesday. II the vote on
certain Offices is close. it will be impossible to make N Intelligent estimate
until Wednesday, when h fn returns are tabuhted. IN closest most
interesting contests will be IN Essex, Hudson n Passao counties, where tho
New Ida still suvivest to combat the regular Republican organization. The
greatest oub in Essex, IS well Is n Hudson, on tn Republican side is o N
IN sheriff. while in Passac h Assembly nominations arei IN dispute. The out.
look is for a phenomenaIy large vote in the primary elections all overt The State
IN probably approximatinx the vote for Governor last year.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-21

Unless HI Republican national campaign managers shall pull themselves
together and put in their best ticks Until thu eve Of election there is danger II a
reversal of the popular verdict If four years ago. Tho great centre Of disturb
ance in the Middle West, ut here ae unsatisfactory conditions prevalent in
half a dozenS States in other sections. In New York State the candidacy Of Gov
rno Hughes presents a real peril In New Jersey. where the situation is not
much better tho Taft ticket nay be swanped by local issues that have created
the most dangerous divisions in The Republican ranks. Between the Governor
mi the old party Ieaders there are differences that are brought to te verge of
bitterness IN this dieord exists anon the rank and file of the party. There
is uneasiness in regard to the labor vote in the State. The threat by the Gov
rho to place Atlantic City under martial law n repac the civic authority
with tho bayonet hal deeply impressed organized labor in the State The
American workingman doesn ot approve of martial law md the bayonet in
times OF peace. Nor does he like the class legislation hat restricts hs liberty
OF action I'M leaves perfect freedom % the wen-to-do citizen. Weighted with
this displeasure and with party dhsendons, the Taft candidacy. judging by the
present outlook will be heavily handicapped in New Jersey, and that fact s
corning TO be we'll understood by Republican anager 1t is accentuste too.
by the remarkable unity of the Democrats in this years campaign.
The Ward County independent. [volume] (Minot, Ward County, N.D.) 1902-1965, 1908-10-22
A FAMOUS sEAvrv SPECIALIST
Gives Advice TO Women Lacking II
Energy ard Vitality.

Thousands Of women are using tot
let preparations rnsuccessfully.
Cosmetics fail to improve thei.
thick, muddy complexion or &c ban
ish the pim { blackhea!s and
c:,ws feet.
No wonder. Their trouble lies far
& er thai r, skin. Thcj nave
al blood, ri lad blood III % per
cent Of the Gases arises fr1ct i:fam-
inAl;un of the mucous mtml'"anc.
Their blood IS filled wit,l POISON
which is certain to break cut in I'M
aGhtly hunlors and blotches-While
pale, drawn faces, deep cir"lea eyes,
stopping shoulders and weak backs
cola .lete the s'cry of suffering and
despair.
inflammation of the mucous mem
and compilations will clearas if by
magic, pain vanish, eyes will bright
bTane is catarrh Danish catarrh
en-, faces become plump and shoulders
erect. Perfect beauty goes only With
perfect health, and perfect health for
women can only be obtained through
Rexall Mucu-Tone the one positive
and permanent cure for catarrh.
AIne Swife, "A w. 26th St., New
York City, the most famous beauty
specialist in the world and an &C.
cepted authority on all relating there
to, has this to say Of Mucu-Tone:
Il can strongly endorse the claims
made for Rexall Mucu-Tone as a cure
for systemic catarrh. Its tonic effects
are remarkable. 1t builds UP the
strength and restores vitality Il
women who are tired and run down.
lacking in energy and vitality, will
use Mucu-Tone, they will praise it
as l do for it's strengthening and
healing qualities"
Rexall Mucu-Tone works through |
the blood and acting directly upon
the mucu-cells-the congestion and
inflammation of which are the sole
cause of catarrh-causes them to ex-
pei the poison and to resume their
natural functions Thus the mem
Aranes are cleansed-the blood puri-
fed and revitalized.
We know that Rexall Mucu-Tone
will cure every form of catarrh, no
matter where located, Of how long
standing, or by what other names it |
il known. We guarantee to refund
your money if you are not satisfied
with the vigorous health and clear
complexion it brings you.
Sold only at cur stores. Price 50
cents and Shopper bottle. Mail or
aers filled. The Paul V. Mccoy g.
Co :Minot, N. D.
The Ward County independent. [volume] (Minot, Ward County, N.D.) 1902-1965, 1908-10-22
ORDINANCE NO.

An ordinance prohibiting the leaving
Of horses or other animals unhit-
ched upon the streets of the City
of Minot, and providing for a pen
atty by fine or imprisonment in
case of violation.
Be it ordained by the City Council
Of the City Of Minot, North Dakota:
Section 1. II shall be unlawful
for any person to leave any horse,
horses, mules or other animal or
animals n attached to any carriage,
wagon or vehicle in any street, ave-
nRe, alley or uninclosed place with
IN the city of Minot without proper
iy fastening such animal.
:: Section 2 Any person violating
any of the provisions of this ordin-
ance shall upon conviction thereof
he subject to find of not less than
five dollars nor more than Nineteen
dollars and in default of the pay
n"Nl oL Sdlu lHQ Shall Dc coHlmlOleQ
to the city jail util such fine is paid,
not exceeding ten days.
Section 3. This ordinance shall
be in full force and effect from and
after it's passage, publication and ap-
proyal
Passed first reading Oct. 5, 1908.
Passed second reading Oct y,
1908.
Approved Oct. Is, 1908.
SAM H. CLARK,
Mayor
Attest: Geo. L. Morrow
City Auditor.
The Ward County independent. [volume] (Minot, Ward County, N.D.) 1902-1965, 1908-10-22
AS Bryan was travelling Through

As Bryan was travelling Through
Missouri, some wise voter shouted
"Hurrah for Taft" Bryan laughed
and cried back, "One in hundred"
The other fellow replied, Don't you
believe it. Every little bit helps,
and there's more like me in Mis-
souri," It really looks as tho Mis-
souri, would be in the Republican
column this year as she was four
years ago.
The Ward County independent. [volume] (Minot, Ward County, N.D.) 1902-1965, 1908-10-22

The town marshal OF Great Bend
shot John Brummoul Of Hankinson ir
a fight.
Devils Lake football chasers de
feated Larimore Is to 5
The Ward County independent. [volume] (Minot, Ward County, N.D.) 1902-1965, 1908-10-22

4 would
talking OF the
win until after
an uod he elected easily hut as
co,Hars saws BRYAN talks much TO
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-13
PRoGREss OF SOCIALISM,.

Tho shrieking. shouting crowd of
red bandanna waivers that greeted the
Socialistic presidential candidate, Mr..
Debs. on his arrival in New York not
long ago and then packed to suffo-
cation the great Hippodrome and the
American theater, where he made adj
dresses, may have caused consider
able uneasiness to the more conserva-
tive inhabitants of that city But if
history shows anything it shows that
by permitting such radicals as these
to give free vocal vent to their ideas
the way is paved for evolution instead
OF revolution.
France had a reign of terror be-
cause the proletariat could take all
with no greater effort than was re-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-13
LAYHAWKER JoEs

The Farmers Mail and Breeze wants
10 know What's Busting the Farm
err" and the Caldwell Advance replies
that 1t doesn't know, but will try to
ascertain as soon as the farmer gets
through and has time to answer ques-
tions.
Walt Mason wrote a piece and an
other fellow had it printed on a post
card. This was bad but the other
fellow offered the postcard to Walt for
~; ana Walt turned it down. Now
what business has man to write stuff
that is not worth $2?-Lawrence Jour-
nal.
During the trial of a lawsuit in
Leavenworth one of the attorneys, in
an effort to show In what poor con-
dition the property in question was
kept, said: THE cockroaches in the
kitchen were so large that three OF
them could have rolled a keg of beer
up the alley
John Knowles, living six miles south
of Atchison, tells this remarkable
story: The hens about his place laid
eight eggs on a pile of clover hay, in
the hay Matched the eggs yesterday
and the chickens are alive and kicking.
Mr.. Knowles says that so far as he can
discover, no hen set on the eggs. that
the chicks were Matched by the heat
in the hay.
In Hiawatha recently, 800 was
wagered against IS that Bryan would
carry Brown county. That man who
put up the s100 had better look out.
Not long ago the richest man in Cool
idge bet the poorest man in Coolidge
$50 to 800 that the Republican candi-
date would be elected mayor. 1t was
generally conceded that the Republi-
can candidate would win. The bet de-
feated the Republican. The people of
Coolidge were more interested in see
ing the poor man winning the rich
mans money, and voted for the Demo-
crat when they really wanted the Re-
publican.-Atchson Globe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-13

CURED to take a little. Germany, a
trifie wiser than royal France. has
given its radicals some opportunity
for expression. Because of this it has
seen the Socialist party grow in num-
bers at tremendous rate, but at the
same time it has seen that Socialist
party more and more Inclined to mod
crate its demands until few days
ago at the congress held in Nuremberg
it divided into two factions, one the
irreconcilables, who put theory above
practice, the other those who while
holding to a Socialist ideal believe in
working for immediate practical re-
forms through the governmental ma
chinery now provided.
Prophecy, of course, is dangerous
business. or rather unsatisfactory, but
it now seems probable that these mod
crate Socialists are the Socialists with
future. Many OF their views appeal
to men who have held aloof because
they had feared Socialist methods.
Once treasured on this point it is
probable that great part of the rad
zeal parties in Germany will proclaim
themselves Socialists and thereby in
crease the parliamentary strength of
the latter
This is the way man progresses nor
mally when his expanding energy has
not been bottled up until it reaches
the point of explosion.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-13

when the Gotham balloonist's inten-
ton of alighting became apparent.
several hundreds of Hoboken's we'll
meaning citizens made haste to the
scene. anxious. no doubt, to be of as
sistance.
They knocked down fences. tram
pied plants and vegetables into the
ground, uprooted shrubs, and injured
young trees past all recovery.
The owner OF the garden contends
that the Gotham balloonist was to
blame for all this damage, while he
insists that he could not possibly have
prevented the neighborhood incursion
and the accompanying agricultural
disaster.
Here is an interesting question.
which the Journal begs respectfully to
suggest as a substitute for debating
purposes for some of the time-hon-
ored problems usually dealt with
Chicago Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-13
GLOBE SIGHTS.
From the Atchison Globe. ]

A bald head may not look as well as
a head covered with puffs and curls,
but 1t is a greater time saver.
If you make a statement while being
shaved, you can always bank on it
that the man in tho next chair will
dispute It,
As usual thing when a body of
women organize to do Great Things
for the town. they wind up by holding
fair and coming out short
People do not seem to be enthus-
iastic any more; 1 sometimes think I
am the only man in town who is en-
thusiastic. Drake Watson.
Perhaps one reason SO many wo-
men insist upon their families eating
bakers bread is that so many exciting
things happen on the street when a
woman has bread in the oven.
After a woman marries a man, he
sees her the greater portion of the
time in clothes of the kind that he
never saw before marriage except on
women who were running to a fire.
A woman lately visited a new house
what" she asked, docs the owner
intend to do with it?" This is believed
to be the record for foolish questions.
What do people usually do with
houses?
Every other effort having failed to
make two women friendly, let them
occupy the same room at night: When
each one sees the other Also has false
hair, they will at once become chum-
my and confidential.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-13
A NICE POINT.

They have been having a queer
controversy in a Massachusetts town,
as the New Haven Register details it.
and it is a matter which might tax
the wisdom of Solomon to solve cor
rectly and satisfactorily. 1t seems
that the severe drought which pre-
vailed in that section had become a
serious matter, and the pastors of the
churches decided to hold a special
meeting to pray for rain. One of the
ministers went to a printer and in
quired what would be the charge for
one thousand hand-bills announcing
the time and place of the meeting. and
was told that the bills would be
printed and if rain resulted from the
prayers there would be no charge for
the printing.
These were what might be called
the preliminaries of the case. The
meeting was held as arranged, and on
the next day a cloud passed over the
town and a few drops of rain fell.
Opinions differ as to the quantity that
fell, one witness giving out that ten
drops OF water fell. and others vary
ing as to the quantity, but all are will
ing to testify that some drops were
seen. Now the question comes up as
to whether the printer should be paid
for his work. He was to make no
charge if there was rain Immediately
or soon after the prayers had been
offered, and the matter to be decided
is whether or not few drops of water
constitute a rain. One definition of
rain given by the dictionary is rain
drops falling to the earth and in
asmuch as some drops really fell. it
may be claimed that this was a rain.
A poet once sang that little drops
of water make the mighty ocean," or
words to that effect and if that is
true then may it not be true that lit
tie drops constitute a rain? 1t is a
nice question, and as the Yankees are
proverbially close in their dealings
each side of the controversy may be
expected to contest. If the matter
will only get into the courts some
learned disquisitions on the question
may be reasonably expected.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-13
Bauoon Laws Needed.

Recently the city of Kissimee, Fla,
provoked a glad and general smile by
PRONUNCIATION of sundry and certain
laws to regulate the speed of balloons
and airships, and the general conduct
of those who navigate the atmospheric
main.
The consensus of editorial opinion
from Maine to Mexico was that such
laws would not be needed for many
years to come, and brilliant para
graphers had a whole lot of fun at the
expense of the Florida solons and their
enactments. The Kissimee city faith
ers have held their peace under fire.
and, behold, in few short weeks
comes justification of their wisdom
and evidence that even more stringent
laws will be needed, and that soon.
A Gotham aeronaut had the misfor-
tune to alight in a Hoboken garden.
Being a skillful pilot, he effected his
landing with no injury to the trees
or vegetables. but an unlooked-for
complication has led to a suit against
him for damages nevertheless, and
legal wiseacres are all at sea.
We are familiar with the sudden
appearance of a crowd whenever an
automobile breaks down. the interest
with which they gather close about the
disabled machine and the ingenious
disinterestedness with which they
prefer advice. Well, this all applies
to the balloon, only more SO. Thus.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-13
QUAKER NEGOTIATIONS.
[From the Philadelphia Record

IFrom the Philadelphia Record.1
Most of our mistakes are self-made.
Brings a man to the scratch-the
wigmaker.
Lots of fellows have gone broke
through a broker -.-y-
Many a mans eyes have been closed
by too many eye-openers. ''.Ars
1t takes nerve for a little man to tell
big man just what he thinks of him.
The trouble with the dead beat Is
that he is generally very much alive.
Lots of things are too good to last.
but the shoemaker isn't one of them.
1t is hard to invent an excuse with
out infringing on some other fellows
patent.
To be shocked by the naked truth
isn't always an indication of excessive
modesty.
Before going into the chicken rails
ing business a man should know the
lay of the land.
I'VE should never give up hope" re-
marked the Wise Guy. mo, even the
married man has a fighting chance"
snickered the Simple Mug.
Tommy-"Pop, everything moves
faster on a down grade, doesn't it?''
Tommy's Pop-"Yes, my son, especially
a fast young man."
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-13
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.

'I forgot" is a poor but popular excuse.
Fault finding gives friendship many a
hard jolt.
Absence doesn't make the heart grow
fonder of rival.
No man has a monopoly on making
good resolutions.
Borrowing money is synonymous with
borrowing trouble
The more money a man has the harder
he strives for more.
Two is company, but with father in the
parlor there is a multitude.
A man must know himself in order to
understand the meannesS in others.
Honest, now. when you have company
how much of your hospitality Is bluff?
Job was a patient man. but he never
had occasion to study railroad time
tables.
In order to be happy a woman must get
a strangle hold on her jealous disposition.
A girl must feel awfully lonesome when
she hates a man whom all her girl friends
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-13
JOURNAL ENTRIES

A man who believes that whisky is
good for cold nearly always seems
to have a cold.
It's easy enough for a woman to
fool man but her difficulty lies in
keeping him fooled.
X =
Many man is so conceited that if
he leans against a post for a few min
utes he gets the idea that the post
couldn't stand without him.
\ X
A fellow may not be said to be get
ting along in college very well If he
fails to make at least one of the ath-
letic teams
Seldom does absolute prohibition
prevail in regard to kissing but, on the
other hand, local option usually main
tains.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-10-13
DANGER IN OLD SAWS.


When Percy Arthur Duggins
Was boy, his Uncle Scruggins
Gave Percy lots of good advice-how
thoughtful uncles are!
He'd say. with faith mistaken.
If you want to get the bacon
Then keep this thought before you:
Hitch your wagon to a star
The years came on and vanished,
And the good advice was banished
from Percy's mind completely-how care
less youngsters bel
Wnen fortune came, he'd miss it,
Why to be much more explicit -
He frequent had to miss a meal, and often
two or threei
He failed beyond defining!
Oftentimes his stomach lining
would flap against his yertebrae and
make a doleful sound!
nen, sudden, something caught him
And the Duggins boy bethought him
or what his uncle told him when he left
to roam around
Then Percy straight, or straighter,
Got job aviator,
And sailed the skies empyreal as grace
full as a hen.
And chuckIed soft and IowlS
As his airship scared slowly,
And only hoped to goodness Uncle Scrug
Could see him then!
Alas, alack, poor Yorick!
Percys fight was meteoric,
AND down. instead of upward, as such
soarings often arei
And quoth the battered Duggins
As he softly damned one Scruggins:
my wagon to a start"
John D. Wells in Ruffalo Neus