davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-07-11

riding in for money. marbles or chalk.
Ma-an. but I was swollen!
Little while before turning in time
and I sure hated to turn in. with all that
magnifcence which would disappear.
we'll knew, as soon the train pulled
into the Grand Central station in New
York in the morning--little while before
was due for the shucks. say, / went out
to the smoking compartment to take a
final yank on cigar. The Pullman con-
ductor found me there.
g You don't have to stick around out
here for your smoke. you know says he
to me. Hit up the weed in the drawing
room or any old other place around here
YOU want to-theres nobody here to
kick. and so / vamped into the drawing
room and blew big blue-black clouds of
cigar smoke dit the heavy hangings. and
enjoyed the goFgeousest sense of posses
sion and yet responsibility that you
ever heard of.
II was just about to shake off my
swaddlings for the alfalfa when the por-
ter entered the drawing room with nice
little rejection on tray-Some fine
peaches and cream, assorted cakes, coffee
and the like of that / hadn't ordered
any rejection, not knowing till then that
there was a buffet attachment on that
sleeping car. But there was the cute lit
tie ante-shucks feed all the same.
asked the porter wherefor. He said that
porters always made it a practice to
sort of stake the one passenger. when
there was only one passenger. to a little
feedsky that-a-way. just to keep in prac-
tice. He said that it was such rare
thing for sleeping car to have only one
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-07-11

of those silver washbowls and looking
glasses and all the towels and all the
looking glasses and all the room of the
wash-up compartment to yourself. II
it hadn't been for the thing of piling up
unnecessary extra work for the porter 1
think I'd have taken a face wash in all
OF the silver basins and used most OF
the triangular-folded towels an" brushed
my hair with most OF the brushes and
ali similar. But I refrained. because the
porter had been pretty good to me, ana
/ wanted to let him down easy.
II meant to get some breakfast as
soon as we got into the Grand Central
station at o'clock or so. but the porter
beat me to it, As soon as he noticed
me hustling in my pajamas for the
wash-up room he got busy In that
cooking cubbyhole of his at the other
end of the car. and I'd just got my
clothes on and my hair brushed and my
nails cleaned when he marched into
the drawing room. with another tray
load with a nice hunk of iced canta-
loupe and some red raspberries with
cream and some nice brittle bacon and
crisp hot rolls and silver pot of
steaming Java. piled into that layout
and made 1t look like the old punk you
see scattered around on the day after
the Fourth of July. and then l pulled
out the long black smoke and blew
some more dense smoke rings at the
rich green draperies of the car
'All of these swell snaps have to have
a finish of course, but I sure hated the
sight of the Grand Central station
when we pulled in. 1 pulled out the
bank roll about quarter of an hour
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-07-11

TESS that you traded that cap. that gave
two and half for only last fall. to some
wandering tin peddler or junk artist for
patent egg beaten or lamp chimney
cleaner or something. hey?'
Because" calmly replied Mrs Jobson,
Il haven't done anything of the sort.
l.
''Oh. that's right, breeze right ahead
and tell me that I've lost the cap" cut
in Mr.. Jobson. Speed right ahead and
tell me that 1 gave it to some kid on
the White Lot on Easter Monday to carry
Easter eggs in. Tell me that l waltzed
out to the back gate and handed it to the
garbage collector as little token of my
distinguished ,-steem and consideration.
Maybe you'll be handing 1t out to me
that mailed 1t to Secretary Root for him
to wear while on his cross-country
jaunts with Mr. Muldoon. Maybe you'll
be trying to unload it on me that
Wait a minute. pul-lease.' put in Mrs.
Jobson. pleadingly. Are you perfectly
sure that that cap isn't in the suit case
that you left down at your Office after
we came back from Bermuda? Be-
cause, really. / can't seem to remember
having seen you wear it since then.
and
II thought I requested you to chop out
that line of scientific research about four
hours ago." growled Mr.. Jobson. You
understand the plain, unvarnished. I'M
garnitured parts of speech. don't you?
Haven't l been standing here telling you
ever since the dawn came out of the
orange east that I've worn that cap SO
much and so often since our return from
that fool winter cruise to Bermuda that
I've worn all the covering off the peak?
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-07-11

some of the folks from back home are
right here on the Boardwalk. and then
where would you or will you be. now;
answer that! And if some of the folks
from back home aren't here then that
back home place of yours is not on the
map. that's all
There's boy selling papers from every
where on the Boardwalk.
'If your town Is OH the map. he sings
out to the folks Jogging by. then I've got
q paper from that town.
He sells sight OF papers. too. for well
he knows that the entire map Is con
tributor to the Atlantic City Boardwalk
It's like Broadway. only more so, IN
this respect of meeting up with folks: Al
most everybody in our set sooner or later
takes crack at Broadway. and we eaten
EN- on the wing they joggie by. and
hold 'em up. and ask EN- how the little
bit Of an old place is, and are mighty
glad to see 'en and pump em about
'em kind O. patronizingly because we're
no longer back in the little old town. y see.
and we're Internally glad to see 'em there
in Broadway. at that
Same here. only more acutely more so.
Take your stand on the Boardwalk and
stick around there. either standing or
walking. for even the briefest little while
and If you don't get the clap on the back
from somebody or lot of sOmebodies
that you've known some old place or
Ing in a cave all these years, or that
you're a crouch with no friends or some
thing.
Yesterday evening. while dawdling down
the Boardwalk toward Chelsea way. ! got
the most rousing whack on the back. and
then there rang mellowly in my ears the
most beautiful word OF greeting, as it is
also of farewell. in any language-the
Hawaiian word 'aloha."
l wheeled. and there, looking about the
NO q / ho n L. vInn ,fI,I,t
thirteen years back. was a Kanaka sugar
planter whose appearance brought up
many quick Illumination about days and
nights and things away down yonder in
the dreamland of all lands. Hawaii.
What was he doing on the. Boardwalk
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-07-11

time. and what is he going to talk here
for. anyhow
what's the matter with you. Mr.
Speaker cried the man next to Uncle
Joe. That isn't Mr.. Bryan; that's
Charles Hanford. the actor"
Uncle Joe subsidized. His jaw flew up to
normal, his eyes quieted down and his
hand slipped back In his pocket.
"Of course, l knew it couldn't be
Bryan he said with his characteristic
twinking drawl, but I'm blamed if 1
was very certain"
And the band played on.
i ford has been taken for Mr.. Bryan
and a couple OF times it was by grea.
crowds OF the followers of the peerless AT
that. On one occasion he was playing a
one-night stand or was booked To do SO
that night-this being in the afternoon
and in roaming around the not-overly
large confines of the place came upon ii
big tent with "A crowd streaming in. Hard
" had he hove in sight when he was sur
rounded by delegation of perspiring but
delighted citizens. who Mr.. Bryaned"
him until. dropping to the mistake and
being possessed of a comprehensive funny
bone and decided liking for practical
jokes. he decided to fall in with the mis-
take and, if necessary. push it along. So
after he had shaken hands some steen
hundreds of times he was led to the plat
form and in due course of time intro
duced.
The crowd went wild They cheered
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-07-11

NJ

before We made the station and slipped
off something to pay the porter for tho
grub and for his attention to me. You
could have knocked me over with a
lemonade straw when the porter staked
me to the grinning head shake.
No, boss not Il cent he said. All
recon yO' amt all dun heahd de super
Stition dat it's unlucky fo' a Pullman
man tub take anythin from uh gemman
OATS de only passengeh?"
Il sure never had heard of IL. It was
dead new on me. But the porter told
me that no old-time Pullman man, por-
ter or conductor, will take a tip from q
solitary passenger, because. he said,
that has been proven time and again to
be the worst kind of luck. / insisted
upon the porter accepting pay at least
for the two little reflections he had
served me, but he wouldn't stand for
that. either. Said that he'd never have
another days luck If j. the only pas
senger on the down trip. should cross
his palm with silver or paper stuff or
anything else in the form of money.
The best could do with him was to get
him to accept a dozen cigars out Of my
box. Experimenting, i tried to hand the
Pullman conductor 4 two-bone slip for
his niceness to me. but he was there.
too, with that spiel about the bum luck
attending such transactions when there
is only one passenger, and had to give
him the cigar treatment too.
Gorgeous ride, fine experience, fell
lers. It's the only time that 1t ever
broke just like that for me, and that's
the reason I'm SO dwelly and stuffy.
uppy on the topic.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-07-11

other passenger or passengers with book
ings on that sleeper might scamper
aboard, l hated to think of such an out
rage, deed j did. 1t was irksome even to
reflect that perhaps Just one passenger
might have the nerve. the unmitfgated
gall. l might say. to get aboard that car
of mine-yes, of mine!-after I'd started
out enjoying it SO fine from Lake Placid.
AS We moved along toward Bluff Point, on
Lake Champlain. the first stop. felt that
I could simply hate the son of a tadpole
that would dare to butt into that car, even
if he'd bought the drawing room or two
drawing rooms. I fel. having started
out that way. that the car belonged to
me, and I couldn't tolerate the notion Of
sharing it with anybody, nope-ee!
well it didn't happen. Nobody got
aboard at Bluff Point nor anywhere else.
You see. everybody is going into the
mountain and lake country nowadays.
and few are coming out Of those regions.
So the GER was all mine
Looks like it's going 20 be yours for
the night the Pullman conductor told
me, cheerfully, after we quit Bluff Point.
and then you ought to've noticed the dog
! put on! l kind O. tried to create the i'm
preston. you see. that was so dead-used
to this piff1ing little thing of riding around
in private cars that l didn't notice that
stuff at all. Even when the conductor
said to the porter, L reckon you might as
well hay down your solitary passenger
in the drawing room not. tried not
to look self conscious or stuffed up about
it. I peeked around the drawing room
as if that was the only possible portion
of sleeping car that I'd even consider
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-07-11

else on board the car. I asked the por-
ter how bout. He said my time was all
right--that I seemed to be the only one,
that's all.
"Pooty soft. as ! say. j looked up and
down the long car, with its nice. clean
sweet linen fixins over the headrests of
the seats. and / took the seat that
pleased me the most-the porter. rein
forced by the Pullman conductor a l:.t,e
later. told me to. It's a tidy sort of a
proposition, after you've gone into N ,
mountains in an upper berth. AS I had
been compelled to only only little while
before-its some tidy, l say, to get the
hull sleeping car to yourself on the out
going train. Y'ought to've seen me
spraddling myself and my gear all over
the place. 1 felt like as if it was in
cumbent upon me. you see, TO use the
whole car. / wanted to get all the good
out of it I could. So. assisted by the
porter-assisted a lot for that hull car
to myself made me feel so Sybaritic tina
I sure hated to turn a hands turn for
myself slapped my bag into one seat,
and hung my topcoat on a hook over an
other seat and stuck my cane in one
rack and then my umbrella in another
rack. and then after I got through dis
tributing paraphernalia all around the
dump. why. I just mooched around and
sat in each of the different seats, so S
to try 'em all out and sort o add to that
sensation of being the owner or the
lessee or the charterer of the entire
cheese.
ut 'ud astonish you to know what dead
ly fear oppressed me that maybe. as We
made the stops along the route. some
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-07-11

IL ::::!::::.:$s:::ll
NSM0D

way from the Chicago convention to
somewhere else. ate grape something
that disagreed with him. and had trouble
with his insides. lie sent for a doctor
forthwith.
Doctor" said he. as the physician
entered the room. I'm very sick. I'm
awful sick. l think I'm going to die. 1
was on my way home from the Chicago
convention and"
But there he stopped. for tn" physician.
who had been reaching for his pulse with
a concerned expression. unlimbered HIM
self. sat down. lugged out his fountain
pen and pad of prescription blan. and
began to write at the rate OF mile a
minute There was silence for awhile,
then the doctor jumped up. threw the
prescriptions he had written on the bed
and prepared To depart.
I'll look in tomorrow he said. and
/ guess your he all right Don't let
Yourself get nervous. and il YOU do feel
jiumpy, take an extra dose of prescription
number three-it's chock full of bro
mides.
But" began the patient. chow the
devil do YOU
Never mind. never mind said the
doctor. soothingly. '.That'll be all right.
Take il easy and 60 slow. You're the
eighteenth from the Chicago convention
wreck I've attended: during the past
week. !
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-07-11
ID


would feel cheap IN such circumstances
but woman-poof! they have no sense
Of fitness in these matters. and their pelts
are about four times as thick as mem
when ii comes to being made ridiculous
Here. femme open that suit case. If I've
got to be the personally conducted in
strument of making you look like three
pewter dimes, why
Mr.. JObson had been tugging at the lock
Of the suit case, and suddenly, as he
talked. it flew open. The only article It
contained was the missing checked trav-
cling cap. lying there in the pocket Of the
flap just as cute and cheeky as any trav-
cling cap ever was.
Mr.. Jobson glared at It, and then he
glowered upon Mrs. Jobson. Then he
shook his head with great solemnity.
Well he said. II always knew that
you were foxy. but 1 didn't think you
were as reynardish as all this comes to.
Pretty clever for you. wasn't It? You
suit case. didn't you? Just pretended.
when as a matter Of fact you opened 1t
az soon as the boy handed 1t in, while
was upstairs. and you sneaked the cap.
that you found probably down in the
kitchen under the refrigerator-you just
had time to stuff the cap into the suit
case and snap 1t shut again before I got
downstairs. didn't you? Foxy isn't tho
word for it You're a modern Machiavelli
in skirts madam, that's what you are,
whatever that MEANS and you can dig up
an encyclopedia while I'm gone and fn6
out whether that goes for a boost or a
knock. or both or neither. that's what you
can do.'
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-07-11

don't you? And I'd be liable to stick a
travelling cap in with lot Of perishable
truck of that character. wouldn't I?
There's nothing to IT. 1 haven't got time
to go down and get another travelling cap.
and so I'll have to dub along best / know
how with an iron-rimmed straw hat on
my head, and of course that pleases you
right down to the ground. and II l.
Mrs. Jobson, however. didn't hear the
rest of it. for she had crept silently down
to the basement, where she rang up Mr..
JObson's office and asked them to hike
Mr.. Jobson's Office boy right up to the
house with the suit case that he'd left
there on his return from Bermuda.
Meantime Mr.. Jobsoh. fused and storm
ed around at his packing operations, &C
cusing Mrs. Jobson of having sent all of
his new nightshirts to the rummage sale
OF her church guild and of having sent
all of his best wash ties to her yap rela-
tions out in Ohio. and so on.
The Jobson office boy made good time of
1T. however and about twenty minutes
after Mrs. Jobson telephoned he rang the
bell and deposited in the Jobson dining
room the suit case that had been left at
the Jobson Office on the return of the job
sons from Bermuda. Mr.. Jobson was
just ready to CO. and he had his stiff
brimmed hat pulled down over his ears
and wore the air of a martyr when. on
clomping down the stairs, he saw Mrs.
Jobson trying to open the suit case.
ooh, you wouldn't believe me. hey: and
sent for it. did your said Mr.. Jobson
with an acrid grin. ''Oh, well. II you will
insist on showing yourself up this way, why.
l can't help it. notice that it doesn't hurt
you a little bit to be mortified. A man
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-07-11

Atlantic City, the biting of the little
girl-and all. and if you've got about two
and one-eighth minutes I'll tell you about
it SO that you can have a kind of a line
on what these 'mad-dog' scares really
are the next time you read about one or
two three of them.
Il was sitting bathing pavilion
overlooking the sands On the day before
the Fourth of July. along toward II in the
morning when l noticed handsome big
Irish setter galloping goOd-naturedly up
and down the bathing beach between the
two big piers. He was a happy gO-lucky
sort of a dog. not much above the age of
a pup. and things looked pretty good to
him on the brilliant .sunshiny morning. to
Judge by the way he was scamperng up
and down. kicking up the sand and hav
ing all kinds of fun with himself He had
a handsome collar around his neck. and
a tag. He was entitled To be on the
sand. There's no Atlantic city ordinance
forbidding decent. reSpeCtatls dogs. prop
erly accredited. from being on the sand.
well. the next time my attention was
attracted TO the setter he had copped Il
bone somewhere or o;her-maype he'd hid
den it himself in the sand on the day be-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-07-11

suppose ! shall have to tell you who tiie
Atlantic City swear-offs are.
The Atlantic City swear-offs, then, are
the folks-oh. thousands of 'em-who, at
some time or other-last season, as to
most of them-swore that they would
never visit Atlantic City again. Never!
Nix any more, No more Atlantic City for
theirn.
Yes. stree positively vummed and vowed
the swear-offs when they swore on,
they'd had all they wanted of Atlantic
City They were sick and tired of it.
Oh coed place and all like that. certainly.
All right FOR folks that hadn't put In a
lot of time there. But what the dickens
was there To do at Atlantic City except
everlasting mooch up and down up and
down. up and down, the Boardwalk? Hey?
oh, yes. of course the bathing was all
right, but there was bathing other places.
Ch-huh, there were ssome good concerts
and things and loads OF white lights, and
laughy chattery folks, and all that stun
but. say, now. come right down to it.
what was there To do at Atlantic City
',cptin' just keep right on paradfng and
parading and processionizing and vamp-
ing up and down. up and down. up ana
down the old Boardwalk. eh?
Thus the Atlantic City swear-offs in the
midst of the swearing off rawlings. They
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-07-11

City is a habit a sort of bug. with folks
that are used to it. In spite of that
everlasting thing so much knocked and
warped by it's unmeaning detractors. the
Boardwalk there's sure a lure about
Atlantic City, in spite of ALL The sign
is on it when the swear-ofS find them
selves utterly unable to keep away from
here, no matter how much they declare
that they're ''all through with Atlantic
City.
And then. too it's something that most
of us know all about. whereas few of us
know much about the other places. That.
it is keenly judged. is perhaps the
main reason why the swear-offs keep on
returning. They prefer the thing they
know about, the proposition where they
know just what to expect, how to expect
1t. and how much they'll he expected to
dig up for 1t, than summer resort dan
gers. or at least pitfalls, of which they
know nothing, or next to nothing.
You've been by when 1T worked out this
way, no doubt.
The folks of family. for instance, are
ground thing as to where they're going to
put in the vacation. They start off by
being absolute mixers as to the Atlantic
City business again. They're Atlantic
City swear-offs
Well, they go over and over the old
problem. and heaps of places as to which
they get literature look inviting and all
that. and they all but decide upon dozens
Of the places that are new to them. But
they're haunted all the time by a sort of
unspoken fear that they won't like the
"other" place they've decided upon: that
maybe it won't be their kind of thing at
all; that maybe the food won't be good:
that maybe this. that and the other. But
still they stick 1t out that they're going to
one or other Of these "other places
Then 1t comes right down to cases. for
the time of their departure on the sum-
mer outing draws perilously near.
''Oh, doggone It, exclaims the boss of
the outfit, throwing off all reserve and
speaking that which is in his soul, Tets
go down to Atlantic City. Deuce take
these other places What do We know
about EN-? We know all about Atlantic
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-07-11

she was only little bit OF a human and
that she didn't possess much of a sense OF
responsibility, and all that. SO ne just
looked at her when she advanced upon
him with the appraised stick. and then ne
lowered his chops and went back to
mumbling his nice bone.
when however the little girl brought
the stick down, ker-whack. on the hand-
some settlers back, it stung him. and ne
didn't like it. Didn't like ii a little bit
That was plain to see. All he did, how
ever, was to let out growl. The stick
had hurt him, and his growl, meant
Ouch There wasn't anything genuinely
ugly in him as yet.
There was a man sitting alongside of
me on the bathing pavilion who was
watching these proceedings, too.
That young 'un had better quit foo fool.
this man said to me. Look at her moth
er sitting there looking right at the kid.
and yet she never says word OF warning
to the little girl. It's wonder people
wouldn't raise children not to pick on
dogs. especially when they're eating
well. the little girl gave the beautiful
setter another whack on the back with