The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1908-12-22

puscles turn a greenlsh hue when /
think of the good, hard-earned shekels
going into the Golfers of that proven
bal old cuss called Santa Claus"
Leo was non committal, though he
manifested an interest in the ta,e of
woe being dished up in three courses
with all the trimmings.
Last night my Wifelet gave me a
list Of names as long as your arm and
instructed darling hubby to wend his
way to the business mart of the city
and make selections for all of them.
OF course, after being inveigled into
such mess by the sweet words of her
highness, was in duty bound to make
good; but if the recipients of those
presents could but hear the cuss words
emitted under my breath, they would
hold up their hands in horror and
fall at once to their knees in earnest
supplication; Leo, it would be a
great stunt to have that lingo OF OK
pletives copied off on photograph
record and give it at revival meetings
to show to what depths of perdition
some men fall.
well, as l was saying, I made the
of a long December night. made my
way hither and thu Their selecting Oh
average of one present from each es-
tablishment. You have a fairly vivid
imagination, Leo, SO you can estimate
about the number of miles l travelled;
and you can also tumble up pretty fair
ly my appearance when at 1882
rang the door bell to gain admittance
to the coy little cottage. 1 fully ex-
pected to be arrested for operating all
express wagon without a license, but
after experiencing trials and tribuia-
tons of almost every breed, finally
succeeded in accomplishing the mis-
sion with the return attachment.
But, Leo after 1 had devoted four
hours and SO minutes of my leisure
time, not to mention several cart
wheels, in selecting presents for
loved ones, what do you think wiley
did? By the holy smoke that emanates
from Tausick's laundry smOke-stack
she planted herself down in the mid
ole of the parlor floor, opened every
individual parcel, and started out in a
strain something like this:
Why. darling with look of re-
proach in her big, brown eyes) "a pair
of network socks for grandma; that
will never do; you must take them
back first thing in the morning and
get something more appropriate. And
dear, what DID you mean by getting a
pair of carriers for Aunt Lindy-that
is too much; and what's this? Lin
gerie for Cousin Kate? Hubby,
you're the limit.
And a bright red necktie for
grandpa-that caps the climax, dearest;
don't you know he is nearly 70 years
old and will look most abominable in
such loud cOlors? And this-a shaving
set for Sister Mary's baby-he's only
two years old aid won't need a beard
dispenser for ten years yet. These are
for little sister, did you say Oh, that's
impossible; she is scarcely nine years
of age, and will not have occasion to
wear corsets for about the same num-
Der of years that Mary's baby will need
the razor. And deck of cards for pu-
ritaunical Aunt Frances; she will faint
which,
Leo, it was too much for me. 1 re-
signed my official position and sWore
by all the powers that are or ever
have been that never more would /
recognize Christmas as an event Of
more than passing Importance in the
routine round Of life. And just to
think that 1 had to make the round of
those stores again this morning, and
leave a package at every one, explain
ing that my selection of a gift did not
meet with wifey's approval; it was ad-
ding insult to injury, but she was so
sweet about it, and so prOfuse in her
words of endearment that hubby, like
an old fool, was worked into the deal,
and when he failed to cop the Jackpot,
threw up his hand and quit the game.
This is a strange old world, isn't it
kiddo? But listen; little joy water
every now and then cures heaps OF Ills,
and if you keep your beacon trained on
Uncle William for the next five Or ten
minutes, you'll be RECALLED upon the
pleasing scene of seeing all my cares
md troubles covered up beneath few
shots of that % test.
"And take the moral from my ex-
perience of last night, youngster;
whenever you are delegated to do lot
Of SHOPPING for females, make the lady
clerks do the choosing for you; they're
4 good sort, generally, and in addition
to pleasing wiley, you more frequently
than not have the sport of making
eyes at the petite damsels as they ram
BILE through oceans of goods, thinking
they're pleasing you, but when in re-
atty they are comforting the biggest
kind of a favor upon another woman
It's a great gag. old man. but l had to
learn from experience. Next year, how
ever, l expect to be in Patagonia,
where Christmas is unknown, and
where the nuts do not labor under the
hallucination that there is such per-
son as Santa Claus who doesn't object
to the CRIME and discomfort attendant
upon sliding down 3x6 chimney to
fill a lot of time worn socks"