The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1908-12-16
Deacon Fosters
Grab Bag

IN anticipation or the usual Saturdal
D night crowd. when Sam stiles saun
tered in with his molasses jug and
kerosene can.
Hello. SAM" cried the proprietor
In glad hand voice. "How's things
down your way? BY ther way. Sam
what was goin on at ther church fair
Thursday night? hear as how Deacon
, Foster got all excited like an said thet
while prayin' was all right there was
times when II wouldn't fll ther bill
like good ole cussin.'?"
He was goln' some" answered Sam
with reflective smile. and fer q
while everybody was kind o feared
thet he would bust ther harness or
dish wheel. Ye see ther deacon is
full O. schemes fer collectin' money
fer ther church, an when II was kind
o. noised around the he was goin' ter
spring somethin' new at ther fair
everybody hiked fer ther town hall.
Purity soon ther deacon come In
with his new scheme, which looked
for all the world like a two-bushel
bag O pertaters. an after ther par.
son had made few remarks fer ther
benefit O. their sinners what was still
holdin' back. ther deacon stepped up
on ther platform.
Dear brothers an beloved sisters
said he In his boss tradin voice. I
hev arranged somethin' new fe- your
edincation an pleasure an hev every
reason ter believe thet Il Will be ther
sensation o ther evening In this bag
are several carefully wrapped pack
ages. an fer ther small sum o five
cents ye will be permitted ter grab
any one ye like. which O. course must
be opened In full view o. ther audi
ence All ther packages is useful as
we'll as ornamental. an some o them
will make ye feel like claspin' hands
an singin songs O. praise. Now then.
whe will be the drst to take a pack
age from ther grab bagY
"All hands kind o. baked bashful.
Ike fer a while. but purity son 81
Gimp was coaxed ter start ther game,
and from ther gingerly way thet he
picked out one o ther packages ye
might hev thought he was monkeyin
with hornets nest. 81 wouldn't open |
II, an Mandy. thinkin thet It might |
be candy, got on ther Job herself. In
jea' two seconds she had ther paper
tore of. an instead o. candy she found |
she had a nursin bottle like mother |
used ter use. First she blushed,
then she turned red. and then she
blushed again.
In ther meantime ther Ladies' aid |
acted as II they was shocked. an ther
parson glanced at ther deacon an said
he was surprised. Their deacon said
he was surprised, too, an offered a
pan o scrapple when he killed hogs |
to anyone who would tell him how
ther nursih' bottle got inter the bag.
Nobody made a bid fer ther pan O.
scrapple, an when ther deacon had
argued himself inter good standin'
agin an Mandy found she wasn't half
as mad as she thought she was, the
grab bag game went on. Their parson
put up five cents an made a grab, an
50 did one o. ther Ladies' aid an Dave
Sleeper. All three O. them started
ter open ther packages at the same
time. an when ther returns was count
ed ther parson had a half pint O.
whisky, ther Ladies' aid sister had
deck O. cards. an Dave Sleeper had
lot O. poker chips.
"Well, sir ye jes oughter seen thet
crowd. Their nursin' bottle was bad
enough, but half pints an poker was
exceedin' ther speed limit, an ther
way them distracted sisters tried to
throw 1Ohorse power faint on five
pounds o steam was a sight ter see,
even If ye had ter take knothole in
ther fence instead O. ther grandstand.
Them thet wasn't tryin' ter faint was
maxim noise thet sounded like big
talk One o them was marchin'
around like George Washington, an
other was smellin' O. ther parsons
half pint ter see if 1t was ther real
stuff, an still another was tellin her
husband what she would do ter the
deacon's face If she was a man.
"As soon as he was able to move
without help ther parson made an
other dive fer ther grab bag without
putin up ther nickel an out come
more chips, more cards an another
half pint or two. Then the parson
had few things ter say thet didn't
include ther Doxology or Benediction,
an told the deacon in plain words
thet he was bum citizen to talk
about savin' sinners. This made ther
deacon as hot as the middle of Au.
gust
He declared thet what he put In thet
bag was Testaments, candy, an that
some dod-blasted heather thet he was
goin' to wallup first an fergive after
ward, had played joke on him. With
his coat off an sleeves rolled up, ther
deacon was so convincin thet ther
parson and Ladies' aid believed what
he told them, an jes' as soon as he
had been taken back inter ther fold 1
an called dear brother agin', he pick |
ed uD a fence slat and started TOR