The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-01-19

paper says they're bringing back the
latest bank defaulter to stand trial"
''They ketched him down in Mexico"
didn't they?" asked the House Detec-
tive of the Hotel St. Reckless, with a
touch of professional interest.
Yes, and guess it wasn't job re-
quiring the exercise of more brains
than you could carry in a large tin
bucket said the Hotel Clerk. Its
very hard for a party who's been ad-
dicted TO side whiskers and the lawn
tie habit for forty odd years to disguise
himself in such way as to deceive the
casual eye. He may put on SLOUGH
hat and the same kind of leather leg
gings that the villain wears at the be-
ginning of the second act, but If you
peel off the outer shucks you'll find
he's still faithful to his health under
wear and his felt insoles. He's proper
meat for the first correspondence
school detective that comes along
wearing q brought-on mustache and a
German silver badge of office the size
of a book beer sign, and carrying one
of those three-dollar pistols that will
put a bullet hole almost through
charlotte russo"
This last one had blowed nearly all
the sWag, accordin' to what 1 seen
about it," said the House Detective.
Sure thing" said the Hotel Clerk
lnGY all 10 1t ) dCtOIulnB " Tie
precedents. There are just two kinds
of money in the world, Larry-money
you get honestly, and money you get
dishonestly-and one kind is very hard
TO get. and the other kind is very hard
10 keep. BY judicious and praise
worthy violations of the penal code and
the state banking law, trust company
accumulates a large and gratifying
surplus. The cashier quietly creates
l. 1t. Il
then passes 1t along to the boss copper
of a downtown bucket shop, who, in
turn, confers it on a struggling and de-
pendent bookmaker that hasn't got
anything except few race tracks to
support him, who in turn, hands it over
to a low-voiced party that deals faro,
who. in turn, gives IT to a member of a
wire tapping syndicate. who parts with
It to a gentleman interested in the
great indoor sport called poker, who
presents II. under duress, to a rough
person with a gas pipe, who pays it
over TO a criminal lawyer, who uses it
for the purpose Of cOrrupting a juror,
who puts 1t back into the trust COM
pany-and loses It. Swiped coin is the
only circulating medium that really
circulates, Larry.
1.-The one they just found down in
Mexico had been having a lovely time
ever since he f>I: He was established
in a semi-detached or twO-family cave,
living on the regular food of the ma
tives, which consists of red pepper
with a little black pepper stirred into
1t. Every time he heard a passing
footstep his vital organs moved up
into his throat, where he could taste
them, and every time any one sneezed
in his vicinity he goose-fleshed until
he looked like a half portion of honey
comb tripe. He was having a perfect
~ lovely time, by all accounts. He
couldn't have had a better time if he
had been sitting on a red-hOt stove.
when the PinkertOns finally ar
rived he ran to meet them with loud
cries of joy. 1t would seem that he
had been under some suspense. The
first really restful moment he had was
when they adorned him with that style
of sleevelinks which prevents a man
from putting his hands into his own
pockets, or anybody else's. But they
only found the sum of 1915 on him.
He'd transferred the remaining S94.
1925 that he sWiped upon number of
gentlemep who'd interested him in a
system for tying Wall street into a true
lovers knot. It's truly astonishing
how many of those fatal blows Wall
street has endured"
q s'pose he was a Sunday school
teacher, of course" said the House De-
tective.
yep he ran true to form in nearly
every particular" said the Hotel Clerk.
Tradition tells us that when he was a
small boy he had pale young eyes, and
those large, outstanding mother-of-
pearl ears, with opalescent shades
playing in them when he stood IN the
sunlight. He always minded every
word his dear teacher said to him and
there is no record extant that he ever
unused up his white collar or failed
10 have his recitation perfect of Fri
day afternoon. A little later on, he
rated 100 in mental arithmetic and zero
in town ban. AS a youth, he ever
Stunned the alluring rum-holes of his
native village, because wine is a mock
er, and strong drink is raging, and it
costs less, anyhow, when taken out of
a bottle behind a closet door. All the
mothers in town pointed him out TO
their daughters as a type Of what a
young man should be, and all the
daughters promptly went and took up
with the colty boys who held down the
ends in the amateur minstrels and be-
longed to the poker club that met up
stairs over the livery stable every Sat
urday night. You take a lad, Larry,
that's reached the age when he has a
faint trace of camePs hair paint brush
on his upper lip, and walks like a pair
OF DuttOnhOle scissors on approaching
the presence of the opposite sex-take
such a lad. say, and let the report
spread that he leads an absolutely
blameless life, and you'll find that lad
bringing his own sister TO the play
parties and going sleigh riding with his
aunt.
But to resume Our hero, having
lived up to all the presidents, was ex-
actly fitted by training and environ
ment to get a job in the bank when he
left the high school. About the same
time he began to take an active inter-
est in Sunday school work-an interest
which never languished until that
bright morning last spring when he
quietly and unostentatiously caught
No. 4, going west at 3:45 a. m, leaving
behind him a large. palpitating vacan-
cy in the available assets.
But you don't want to be putting
the black bean on the Sunday schools
Just for that. Larry. It amt the Sun
day schools fault.
You know how it is in our own dear
Wall street Every now and then a
piercing Shrek of poignant anguish is
III