Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-14
BUREAU OF LONGEVITY
Have to Be Ninety-Five Years
Old to Be Eligible.
How They Hung on to Life to Be
Set Forth for Instruction Of
Wasteful Youth.

Out yonder in the chokey. smoky mu-
nicipal boiler factory of the middle west.
Parker Sercombe. formerly president OF
the Society for the Emulation of Methu-
selah, and Eow an active worker In the
cause of the Sinclair-Wu inspirational up
lift, Is busily founding the National Blu
reau of Longevity.
Taking it for granted that all nonos.
octos, septus, sexas and other varieties OF
genarians are aware of the present pa
ternal attitude of the federal government.
Sercombe does not consider the posi-
bility of failure.
1T is planned to organize the National
Bureau of Longevity he says. in one OF
the printed circulars which are now flood
ing the unregenerate east, in connection
with the department OF health to be es-
tablished at Washington under the aus
pices Of the federal government.
1T is proposed to publish biennial di-
rectory giving the names and addresses
of all those above ninety-five years of age.
together with tables made IN from these
habits. etc. OF those who have enjoyed
good health and lived to great age.
thereby furnishing accurate data based
upon results of how people should live,
how parents and teachers should train the
young to live. in order to attain a life
of comfort. good health and old age"
Aged Ones to Chip In.
All persons over ninety years of age are
requested to please fill! out the following
form and mail same to Parker H. Ser
combe, $50 East seth street, Chicago. Ill.
In the literature accompanying the
above announcement Mr.. Sercombe throws
considerable light on his idea of the SIM
pie life which is SO blamed simple as to
To WQQnar'S Is
as pigs in clover Also his literary style
is as convincing as a stone crusher.
Have you ever observed. says he.
that it makes no difference to the flies
how many get caught on the sticky fly
paper? Thousands come right along and
light upon it just the same. with hum
dreds dead and dying of slow torture all
around them. Have you observed that
how many pollute their bodies. destroy
their homes and die miserable deaths by
the use of drink and tobacco? They go
right on using the vile stuff with the
wrecks of humanity on every hand.
I've are exactly as ignorant as the
miserable flies caught by tanglefoot.''
Passing Tribute to Race.
After this brief passing tribute to the HUI
man race Mr.. Sercombe branches out. and,
after spiking degenerate nobility. dis
eased millionaires. cigarette smoking
dudes. drunkards. gluttons and others.
declares that If the human race is to be
saved a complete change must take place
at once in the education of children.
They must be brought up on the right
kind of food, and mighty little of that.
and they must wear sandals and jumpers
and overalls. Also there are other rules.
Mr.. sercombe mentions that there are
more than 5000 men and women in the
United States who are more than ninety
five years of age. and he thinks it would
help other folks a lot If these 5000
would tell how they did 1t.
He apparently overlooks the fact that
every time a couple Of nonogenarians or
centenarians are interviewed for this