Graham guardian., 1908-04-10
BOGUS COLLEGE MEN

posed of bogus liquor and bogus
business, must turn its mighty ma
chinery to the determination OF the
bogus college man. Long has that
pest flourished in this credulous
commonwealth and, by his very
success in duping the public, dem
onstrates that the public does not
know genuine culture when it sees
it. "By their fruits ye shall know
them" is the rule for spotting col
lege men; but unfortunately the
the public is prone to identify as n
college man everybody behaving
like a sophmore. This has made
posing easy and also encouraged
the press to ticket with some aca
demic tag "all enthusiastically un.
attached yeggmen, tramps, elopers,
bencoop incendiaries, Sunday
school picnic ticket embezzers and
suicides" We quote from the
counterfeit list drawn up by "The
Yale Alumni Weekly" So far as
colleges got little free advertis-
ing out of these easy misunder-
standings, no faculty cared to pc
,ition for federal intervention. But
when the supposed collegians be-
gan to live off their reputation,
they naturally came into compe-
tition with the real things and cut
the latter out of numerous business
openings. And now, not content
with hurting the A. BIS chances
for job as street car conductor or
harvest hand, the mock graduate
is winning hearts on the strength
of the class yell he can initiate and
the lettered sweater be flaunts. 1t
is reported that a young woman
has just gone to court in search OF
a divorce from her husband, who,
il is alleged, tempted her to the
altar with the inducemeGt that he
was q Yale graduate and an Ok
ford man. Plainly, then, the bogus
college man needs little govern
ment regulation.
But this brings us up against a
stubborn puzzle. When the Fed
eral officers ask what u real college
man Is, they Will not be content
with a diploma for an answer. If
they cannot accept the absolutely
pure" degree conferred by the
faculty of pickle factory upon
some copperas stepped cucumbers
which have passed all the exami-
nations required by the institution,
how can they take an A B. de |
gree on the bare assurance of the
manufacturers? The question,
"What is college GRADUATED" must
be answered in the same unevasive,
uncircumstantial fashion which has
characterized the fam ous replies to
the question, "Wbat is whlskeyW
In simple justice to all young ladies
whose hopes are set on high er
things than a high school alliance,
the pure brain law commissioners
must classify all possible varieties
of real and bogus college men and
require each to be accurately and
labelled.
AS in canned roast beef and
straw berry jam there are degrees
of purity, SO in the college man
there are many shades of bogus
ness, Thus, a youth expelled in
his Junior year for stupidity should |
be allowed to put himself on the
market and be purchased by an
heiress under the label of college
nan, If two parts of apple parings,
.wo parts Of glucose and one part
of black berries are allowed to be
sold as qualified black berry mar
naIaGe, But, like the marmalade
abel, the youths diploma should
'tate his contents. The sterru-
yped sheepskin must be displaced
,g Il great variety of tags aud
pasters, each desc tive of spe.
hes of real or l. college man.
fraduates with , % gas education
'ut with a real t'u, } .Ir academic
mus % known as such.
Graduates with real education
,ut bogus guitar. must be branded
rue. LiEewlst. TOO, with real
nen who haV" Il rus college AR,
While the plain iuKer who never
ven saw u football game is Gu
tiled to label like that which is
ut on the beef scraps that mas
uerade as 'potted chicken" Ia
nforcing this principle, the au-
horities will suppress only those
Ollege men who contain harmful
reparations 10 qu intitieS injurious
! purchasers. But Oh this score
10 expect lively cJntroversies be-
veen the government and manu-
'cturers who pickle college men
strong solution of "crams"
nd atbletfcs.-N. Y. Tribune.