The Washington herald., 1908-01-05
BROKE IN GOTHAM
HOW THE WISE ONE WILL ENJOY COMFORT
AT THE OTHER FELLOWS EXPENSE.

/ Suppose you didn't have a nickel in
your jeans, and wanted to stay In New
York? and suppose you didn't care to
/ beg, and had a corgenital distaste for
work? How long 90 you think you'd
last? Ny friend, It all depends upon youi
front" If you looked pretty good, New
York would be reasonable kind to you
for a time. It is astonishing what a man
can get for nothing IN this big town, II
/ he just has the nerve. But if externally
| you had the general appearance OF ar
undesirable citizen, Glass D. you'd be OF
the Bowery looking for banner before
night. says the New York Globe.
1t may be assumed that man wants but
little here below-especially when he
hasn't the price Of drink IN his clothes
His wants may be roughly divided into
place to sleep. and amusement between
whiles All this can be had free, gratis
fer nuthin. If you know how 70 go about
t. But It may be promised that the
same man had better not do the same
trick in the same place twice. His well
come would hang icicles on the North
Pole II he tried it. II may also be stated
that this is purely theoretical on the part
Of the present writer. But he has been
assured by men who have tried the
game that it isn't nearly so hard as il
seems.
Let US fancy then, that a sort of edi-
ton de luxe Of Dr. Ben Reitman. the
hobo dialecdcian.. has dropped of thC
rattler into town. There are cinder:
in his hair and in every crevice Of person
and clothes His first and most pressing
need is 10 get rid Of this excess baggage
That can be done in the back room O1
any saloon. Refreshed in body and
spirit by the soap and water, Sir Hobo
Hadagal starts out 10 do the best he can
Walking down Broadway, he viii come
% a dozen store windows in which mir
rors are cunningly set for the delectatior
Of the fair sex who may never he 81
engaged IN the delights Of shopping as
10 be unmindful of hat and back hair. i
appears to the traveller that his hair il
a bit ragged, that his beard needs at
tention, and that his clothes need press
ing, and shoes a shine.
Free TOnsoriaI Art.
The first Of these wants is easily met
Every big town has a BARRIERS college
and New York has the grandfather o.
them all. Down on the Bowery is thh
institution Of learning. # you hav.
money and are wildly extrSyagant, on
shave costs cents. But if ypu are con
ftent TO sink pride, suffer pain. and sacri
fee a little cuticie in the sacred caus
OF art. walk in the back way. smile
blandly at one Of the students, an,
climb into his chair. Well, you'll b
shaved all right and your hair will b
cut.
Your shoes haven't been shined. Blu
never mind that for the time being Tn
wind is being tempered TO the shorn laml
just about as fast as he can assimilat
the breezes. Your clothes have beeI
brushed. and If the student has not beel
TOO generous in helping himself TO sid
meat your face looks human and recog
nizable In your pocket you have a pipe
You finger il wistfully. Obviously, III
time 70 smoke is after square meal
You haven't the meal as yet, and yo'
feel in the depths Of your guilty sou
that there's nightly little chance Of get
ting il until your shoes are attended TO
Take a stroll up and down the Bower!
and ponder Nothing ike this crisp
morning air for sharpening a mans wits
On one Of the little side streets a sigl
OF an Armenian cigarette dealer appears
In you rush II you have fair luck yol
get to the counter before he has had
chance TO size YOU up completely. He see
above the plank a cOuntenance Of pleasinl
appearance looking al him sternly an,
- H.
forethought to walk around In front o
the counter and look at your shoes, your
lost But let US assume that in his over
trifing precauton-
Have n smoke on Him.
Have you any cigarettes
But Of a certainty. The dealer, poo
chap. makes haste to show you half
dozen samples, the while he descants ol
the goodness Of each brand and the utter
IIy miraculous cheapness Of them all
You pinch. smell, shake out bit Of dus
from the end of each and taste ii. "FaiF
fair you murmur. indicisively. well
maybe III be in again. I've never smok
ed any of your cigarettes may IT,
Isome-sOme day
The dealer presses upon your attention
each of half a dozen varieties. Take one
take al. smoke, ponder, and order
well pleased That Is what you hav
been working for. Showing the cigarette
into a vacant pocket with an air O
thought, you so away from there, assur
ing the anticipant merchant that If yol
Ike the goods you will give him gooi
order You Impress upon him, purely on
: of desire
monogram printed in pale red ink Gold
you say, is so vulgar.
Armed with cigarettes, seek out shoe
black. There isn't one Of them, so sa!
they who have tried. that can resist til
Establishment of a mOnOgrammed cigar
cite, prOffered by a man of the appear
ance of a gentleman temporarily reduced
When you have dismOunted with a sigl
from the brass-decked chair your shOe
shine with the luster OF many blacl
pearls and you leave behind a bootblacl
firm in the conviction that In reIievin:
your necessities he has done a good strokt
OF business for himself. You can see hi
mouth watering for that desirable cigar
ette as you 90 away, and backward
glance is apt to discover him in the veTl
act of setting fire to its tip.
Ride as Guest of Met"
Now you're ready for breakfast. AvoiC
the saloon free lunch It's not merely
vulgar; it is positively dangerous. Al
ways within easy reach is brawny por
ter, and a word from him of the white
apron behind the bar will put the brawny
/ Cne on your trail
| Walk from the Bowery over to Broad
way and take a car. On the way yol
have picked up a newspaper. On eYerl
street corner you'll find a half dozen o.
them blowing in the wind or jammeC
into the Omnipresent barrel No one. bc
he blessed with any amount Of coin, car
avoid the crowded car in the presen
happy condition Of our transportation
system You don't want to. On the