The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1908-11-06
A Smoked Ham Diet.
[copyrlaht. los. By T. {. Moclure.l

Icopyrisht. 1905, by r. c. MoClure.l
Blu Scott, as he was Familiarity call.
ed, was lazy and shlftless.
Like all lazy men, Bill Scott had m
appetite. His appetite also had pref
erence. He lqyed oysters, chicken
porterhouse steak and clam chowder,
but what he loved above all was smolS.
ed ham. He liked Il fried or boiled or
baked. and he could never get enough
Of 1t. The only way he could get ham
was to steal 1t. and many of the vii
layers and farmers objected to his
midnight visits to their smokehouses.
Among the directors was the Widow
Glenn, who had farm a mile away.
She was also one OF those interested
In seeking TO save Bill from himself.
Perhaps she was the only woman In
the world who would have thought Of
combining ham with reform. The idea
came TO her in dim, underlined way,
but she kept at II until she worked it
out. One day after being told by her
hired man that he had seen Bill Scott
scouting about the smokehouse the
evening previous she entered into a
little conspiracy. The door was left
unlocked, the hired man hidden near
by, and next night as Bill was taking
a BAN of its roost the door was slam
med shut, and be found himself a
prisoner When morning came the
widow drove to town TO see Mrs.
Glenn, and upon her return she Wis
ited the house Of hams and said to the
captive:
"Of course you have nothing to say,
except that you were walking in your
sleep last night, but now that you are
wide awake have something to say to
you. You like smoked ham. l am go
ing to give you all you want Of 1t.
Today you viii eat 1t uncooked. To
morrow You shall have 1t fried"
A chair and jug of water were
brought in. he was furnished with
knife and the door locked on him, and
he proceeded to enjoy himself He ate
and he loafed and he slept. There
were twenty smoked hams hanging
above him and giving out their de-.
iicions odor, and why should he weary
bis brain trying to solve national prob
LENS? He didn't. Next morning the
widow appeared and asked him how
he would like his ham cooked for
breakfast. He said he would take 1t
fried, and he got 1t that way and a
jug of fresh water with it. At noon
he had 1t boiled, ard at night 1t was
fried again. The amount was not
stinted There was more ham than he
had ever sat down to In bis life. The
next day and the neZt II was the same
On the morning Of the fourth day, how
ever, the prisoner said TO his jaller:
Wilder Glenn, IL you don't mind
I'll have taters and fried eggs for
breakfast"
eBut l do mind was her reply
"Here are twenty smoked hams going
to waste for the want Of eating. You
dote on ham. Pitch right in"
"Rut my wife must be anxious about
me. ard | want to be going home
"Your wife knows Just where you
are and is nat at all worried. She
homes you viii have your I'll Of ham"
Bill had raw ham, boiled ham, baked
and fried ham, aud he should have
reveled In the eccasion It IS human
nature TO never be satisncd, and after
the fifth day be demanded radical
change of diet. even II only TO raw
sausage. He had not tasted Of the last
two meals.
..0h, but you must 60 ahead with
hand replied the widow "You have
not quite finished one vet, and there
arc nineteen others waiting to be eat
en-. Your second appetite may come
back to VOC any minute"
I'D like to live on old crusts OF
bread for change, ma'am."
.Rut i couldn't think Of it. You are
Visitor. yeu know. and 7 should be
ashamed Of r1ysolf to offer you crusts.'
At nupner that night Bill begged for
raw flIrnips instead Of smoked ham
At breakfast next morning be cTcrcd
to eat potato Feelings. The widow
was firm.
eAIr. Scott she replied, Il don't
think you arc at all grateful. / am
FURNISHING -cn tho incest and sweet