The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1908-11-26
LETTER FROM BILKISs.
Election Regrets StiIl Tear the Heart
of Major BHkins-It REQUIRED
Strenuous Efforts to Garry BiIkins-
vile Democratic by One Majority.
The Craziest Woman AIiye-The
Major Defends Corn Meal Mush.
Correspondence of The Caucasian
Enterprise.

Major Defends Corn Meal Mush.
Correspondence of The Caucasian.
| Enterprise.
| Bilkinsville, N. c., Nov. 23, 1908.
/ tell you. / can't git over that
dad blamed elecktion we had a week
or two ergo. Hit wuz the worst that
ever happened, reckon. Ov course
hir won't do any guide ter shed tears
an lose sleep. But l tell you we air
ruined, my feller sitiZens. So far az
I kin see, we dymakrats amt got
| nothin' left but Jodeseeyus Daniels
an lot ov worn-out excuses. We
had ter steal like the dickens, an
count from erway back, an still we
didn't much more than carry North
| Carolina, losing several counties an
two Congressional districks. An
Georgy only went dymakratick by
| twelve or fourteen thousan'. My
land! but they IL goin' ter be terrible
| times in the South next time We try
ter hold an election! West Virginy
IL gone whirlin', SO IL Maryland
Kentucky cum nifty nigh goin'
| Louisiana IL shaky. Tennessee can't
| be depended on much longer, fer
that State IL deve1opin' fast, an
| whenever a State gifts sorter up in
the world hit begins ter crawl into
the doubtful column, az we pollytish-
| uns say. Perlitically speakin', awl
we dymakrats hev got left IL in the
States air likely ter go dymakratick
| exsept in State matters, az they
sometimes do, fer years ter cuff Hit
liz only a question ov time, probably
three more oV the Southern States
will jine Maryland an West Virginy
an becum Republican,. Then we
dymakrats won't hev nothin' left but
Jodeeseevus Daniels an strong
smell ov birthstone. When that hap
pens, I am goin' ter hitch Bob ter
one-mule wagon, put cloth cover on
hit, an go West. I'll ship Bilkins-
vile by freight an rebuild the town
erway out on the plains whar they
amt nothin' but pure air an prarie
dogs, whar I kin be sure ter carry
hit dymakratick, fer I won't live un-
der Republican, government az
long az they IL spot left az big az
my hand on which ter locate Bilkins-
vile. Az hit stands Bilkinsvil1e IL
in the doubtful column now. We
ulster carry the town solidly dyma-
kratick. But the vote stood five
dymakrats ter four Republicans in
the late elecktion, we pollin' total
ov nine votes. So you see change
ov one vote will ruin our business.
If we hadn't used money so freely,
an hadn't held three barbecues, the
town would hev gone Republican,
this year az sure az Christmas, fer
they wuz at least two ov our leadin'
sitizens that took nifty careful nurs-
in awlthrough the late campane. We
awlso had ter order several lots ov
Ticker from Louisville, Ken, fer, awl
though the two sitizens menshuned
voted fer State prohibition, they sed
that the drouth wuz sumpthin' awful
in this malarial climate But, az a
matter ov course, they wuz no ma
|
sept in the throats ov the aforesaid
sitiZens.
I notise by the papers that New
Jersey woman hez sued her husband
fer divorce because he il 'unreason-
ably religious Now, don't that jar
you? Hit wouldn't surprise me ter
hear any day that erbout half ov the
wimin' in the land hev sued fer di
worse because their husbands hain't
got speck ov religion. I know that
this il the situashun in North Caro-
lima, an, az I sed, nothin' would sur
prise me. But what IL botherin' me
IL how any New Jersey woman lived
long enuff ter git crazy enuff ter i'm
imagine that her husband wuz cum
reasonably religious" She ought ter
be pitched into the nearest insane
asylum headforemost an should be
kept in a steel cage, fer she IL crazy
ter the danger point.
I see that a postmaster in Mary
land hez resigned because the stamps
he sold, awl the pay he got, only
amounted ter twenty-five cents day.
| Why they il plenty ov people in
North Carolina who would take an
offs like that an they would think
they wuz rite up next ter the Preser-
dent ov the United States. Them
Maryland people must be awful hard
ter please.
read this squib in an agricultural
paper the other day: when people
get down to eating corn meal mush,
az the pioneers did, they can begin
to complain about hard times"
Now, hit il plain ter me that the
editor ov this CRATE agricultural pa
per don't know any more than the
editors ov sum other papers, agr1-
cultural or perlitickal. when they
get down to eating corn meal mush!
You poor, ignorant editor! You mean
when they get cup" to eatin' corn
meal mush, don't you? Did you ever
eat mush with ham or chicken gravy
on it fer breakfast? Did you. poor
ignorant editor, ever eat mush an
milk fer supper, after the nights gel
cool, say in November, December, OF
January? Hit IL plain that you never
did. or else hit IL plain that you all
| not a human critter, an that yot
hain't got the taste ov a man erbou
Won. or you would appresiate a gud'
| khfr0