Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1908-05-22
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Pop-Notoriety lasts longer, my SON.
Philadelphia Record.
Did you ever see any one SO home
.yT mo; why, he's so homely that
automobile goggles are actually becom.
Ing to him."-St. Louis Times.
How we have changed since the old
days!" what do you meanY" "Why,
today it isn't half SO blessed to give
as it is to be a receiver" Life.
Mamma, have 1 got to take a bath
to-night?' I'm afraid you bave, my
dear" But I haven't done anything
all the week to deserve it"-Life.
Mr.. Jawback-That boy gets his
brains from me. Mrs Jawback-S Some
body got 'em from you, if you ever
had any-that's cinch-Clevelan
Leader.
Peggy-Was that p'liceman ever d
little baby, mother? Mother-Why,
yes, dear. Peggy (thoughtfully -
don't believe I've ever seen baby
p'liceman!
Farmer Bentover-I've just heard
that the widder Diggs has married her
hired man. Farmer Hornbeak-Then,
he'll have to climb down from the fence
and go to work.-Puck
Mrs. Newrocks-Really, I'm sorry
We didn't accumulate more souvenirs
Of our European trip. Mr.. Newrocks
oh, we can get all we want in New
York Town and Country.
Mrs. Hoon docking up from her
newspaper) Here is an item about a
convict who writes poetry in prison.
Mr.. Hoon-H'm! Is that what he Is
u for?-Philadelphia Ledger
Il notice that you nearly always
smoke when you are writing" said the
caller. do you draw your inspiration
from your piper" NO." replied the
horse reporter, II draw smoke"
Mistress-Jane, l saw the milkmaL.
kiss you this morning In the future
will take the milk in. Jane
Twouldn't be no use, mum. He's prom
sed not to kiss anybody but me.
! Boarding Mistress-I want a weeks
board in advance, so as to be sure of
1t. New Boarder-Thats all right.
Here's your money; now l want a
weeks food in advance for the same
reason.
he-Young girls always want to
marry for love, but when they grow
older they want to marry man wi,n
money. She-You're wrong. They don't
grow old; they merely grow WISER
st. Joseph Press News.
Everything lovely down at the
house?' YES; we are leading the
quiet life these days" "How do you
work it?" well, you see, we have a
phonograph, and it alternates with my
wife after supper" r."-Nashville Banner.
Jack-I hear you are engaged to that
homely Miss Gotrox. Tom-Yes; she
has half a million in her own right.
Jack-But money doesn't always lead
to happiness, old man. Tom-True,
but it ought to help some in the search.
Chicago News.
Borem-I think l hear your father'A
step on the stairs, SO perhaps 1 had
better bid you goodnight Miss Hits
(yawning)-Oh, it can't be father; he's
a late sleeper. Perhaps it's the hired
girl coming down to prepare breakfast.
Chicago Daily News.
"Well, WE'LL" growed the first maj
at the banquet, why did they call on
that man for a speech? He doesn't
know how to talk" NO" replied the
other, but he doesn't. know what he's
talking about anyway, SO there's no
harm done. e."-Philadelphi Press.
Reporter-Senator have heard that
you got your start in life by selling
newspapers. Senator Lotsmun-Not
quite correct, my boy. The fact is
but this is confidential, you know
that l got my start by buying one or
two spapers.-Chicago Tribune.
Johnny, why don't YOU be good
boy like your brother WillyT the
mother was sternly admonishing her
naughty son. willy here may be
President some day, while you will
have to dig in the sewer" But, moth
err" walled Willy, "can't / dig in the
sewer sometimes too?" - Harper's
Weekly.
Professor" said Mrs. Gaswell t.
the distinguished musician who had
been engaged at high price to enter
tain her guests, what was that lovely
selection you played just nowY' THAT,
madame" he answered, glaring at her,
was an Improvisation" "Ah, yes, l
remember now. / knew 1t was an old
favorite, but l couldn't think of the
name of 1t to save me."-Chicago Trib'
une.