Middletown transcript., 1908-01-04
! new YEAR IRRE UTI0Ns
By HELEN ROWLAND


bles over and falls dow n on. The
marriage vows are SO big and
vague that you can get all around
them without actually breaking
Them, but IL they should interpo:
late concrete questions into the
service such as. Do you, William
promise not to growl at the coffee
Or. Do you. Mary, promise
never to put q daub of powder on
your nose again ? broke IN the
widow.
Nor to look twice at your pref
II stenographer. continued the
bachelor.
Nor TO lie about your waist
measure.
Nor to juggle with the truth
whenever you stay out AFTER na'i
past ten.
Nor to things that-that any
body Except your husband may
say to you in the conservatory
oh, I see how it feels! finished
The widow with a sympathetic
little shudder.
And yet, reflected the bachelor
a woman is always exacting VOWS
and promises from the man she
loves, always putting up bars
for him to jump over; when it she
would only leave him alone he
would be perfectly contented to
stay within bounds and Craze in
his own p. sstnre. A man hates
being pinned down; but woman
doesn't want anything around
that she can't pin down, from her
belt to her hat and her hus.
band.
Well, protested the widow
studying the toe Of her slipper,
tits satisfaction to know you We
got your husband fastened on
straight by his promises and
held in place BY his own vows
and that he loves you.
Usually, interrupted the bache-
lor, man loves yuu in inverse
ratio to his protestations. The
lover who promises all things
without reserve is too often like
the fellow who doesn't question
the hotel bill nor ask the price of
the wine, because he does't intend
to pay it anyway. The fellow
who is prodigal with his vows
and promises and poetry is gen.
orally the one to whom such
things mean nothing and being Of
no value, can be flung about gen.
erously to every girl he meets.
The firm with the biggest front
Office is likely to be the one with
the smallest.deposit in the safe.
The man who swears off loudest
on New Years is usually the one
they have to carry home the
morning after. And the chap
who promises girl a life of roses
is the one who will let her pick
all the thorns off for herself.
Perhaps, sighed the widow,
chewing the stem Of a violet
thoughtfully, the best way to
cure nan of taste for anything,
after all, is to let him have too
much of it instead of making
him swear off. If you want him
to hate the smell of a pipe insist
on his smoking all the time. If
you want him to sign the tenn.
perance pledge, serve him wine
with every course. If you want
him to hate a woman invite her
to meet him every time he calls,
and tell him how suitable she
would be.
And if you want him to love
you, finished the bachelor, don't
ask him to swear it, but tell him
that he really ought not to.
The best way to manage a don.
key-haman or otherwise-is to-
turn bis head in the wrong direc-
ton and he'll back in :he right
one.
Then, said the widow decisive
ly We ought to begin the. New
Year by making some irresolu.
tions.
Somewhat /?
Vows that we won't stop do.
ing The things we ought not to do,
the widow.
All right. agreed the bachelor
thoughtfully, I'll make an irres-
olution to go on making love TO
you as much as | like.
You mean, as much rs | like,
Mr. Travers, corrected the wild
ow severely.
How much do sou like2 asked
the bachelor, leaning over to look
into The widow 5 eyes.
The widow kicked the corner
Of the rug tentatively.