davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1908-07-29
Jelections
THE FIRST Jokes.
Do You Know Which the Original
Eleven Ones Were?

Do You Know Which the Original
Eleven Ones Were?
Miss Agnes Repplier lecturing on
"The Mission of Humor' at the Colony
club, New York, said she had been in
formed that there were eleven original
jokes in the world. After she had said
her allotted say Mr.. Joseph III. Choate
arose and, gallant as ever, remarked
that he was now sure there were twen-
ty-two original jokes. Any man or wo-
man who produces eleven original
Jokes in lecture is world wonder.
With all due respect to Miss Repplier
we are inclined to think that Mr..
Choate was too amiable and too recep-
tive.
What are these eleven original, fun
damental, basic jokes, not made for
parish or an occasion, necessarily hui
man and universal? Look over the
comic weeklies from the beginning of
Punch and you will find the same lines
of humorous thought, endless repeti-
tions of a fool born jest, ponderous
elaboration of trihe, changes of an
old idea to suit time and place. The
old jest books-Joe Miller's, and, before
his, Poggitt and Bacon-show how our
predecessors anticipated us. Plutarch's
Morals" is full of jests and jocose
anecdotes that are now fondly thought
contemporaneous. Turn to his Apo
thegms or Remarkable Sayings of
Kings and Great Commanders" and
you find this quip: A prating barber
asked Archelaus how he would be
trimmed Archelaus answered. "In
silence" Read ''The Banquet of the
Seven Wise Men," Englished by Roger
Davis, A. NJ, and there a sage is thus
reported: "In this mistake, however,
I'm much of the youths mind who,
throwing stone at dog, hit his step
mother, adding, My throw is not lost,
however,"
The favorite jokes in this country
have been for years hHscI on the moth
er-in-law, the farmer and the summer
boarder, the city boarding house,
spring cleaning (and the stovepipe play
ed an important parH and the greedy
goat. The mother-in-law was naturally
the victim of the first jocose son-in-
law, while there could be mo- joke about
the stovepipe before the existence of
the pipe. There is the cannibal mis-
sionary joke that has done yeoman's
service, but 1t cannot be older than the
appearance of the first missionary.
What are the primeval eleven jokes?
One of the oldest known to us begins
''Old Noah, he had three sons, Shem,
Ham and Japheth," but there must
have been jokes before the flood. What
were the eleven that were preserved
in the ark? No doubt the gag about
the elephant bringing his trunk was
coined by some irreverent locker on
who saw in the embarkation only food
for mirth. Death by drowning was too
good for him. But what jokes did Noah
and his sons take with them for daily
recreation2 We can be sure of only
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1908-07-29
BIRDS TONGUES.
Why the Parrot Is Able to initiate Hu-
man Speech.

man Speech.
One of the government naturalists
at Washington has recently gathered
some fresh informa ton concerning the
tongues of birds.
Many people suppose that woodpeck-
ers use their sharp pointed tongues as
darts with which to transfix their
prey. 1t is true that the woodpecker,
like the humming bird, can dart out its
tongue with astonishing rapidity and
that its mouth is furnished with an
elaborate mechanism for this purpose,
yet, according TO the authority men
toned, investigation shows that the
object of this swift motion is only to
catch the prey, not to pierce 1t. For
the purpose of holding the captured
victim the woodpecker's tongue Is fur
nished with a sticky secretion.
Considering its powers of initiating
speech, it is not surprising to learn
that the parrots tongue resembles that
of man more closely than any other
birds. 1t is not because the parrot Is
more intelligent than the other birds,
but because its tongue is better suited
for articulation than theirs, that 1t is
able to amuse us with its mimicry.
The humming birds tongue is in
some respects the most remarkable of
all. 1t is double nearly from end to
end, so that the little bird is able to
grasp its insect prey with its tongue
much as if its mouth was furnished
with a pair of fingers.-Chicago Rec
ord Herald.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1908-07-29
German "Thrift."

The latest story Of German thrift
is told at the expense of the proprietor
of a circulating library, which charged
for the wear and tear suffered by his
books at the hands of his patrons.
One volume came back to his scrutiny.
"See here" he exclaimed, there is a
hole on page 10 of my beautiful book
And see here" he went on, turning
over the leaf. there is another ON
page 90"
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1908-07-29
The Prize PuppY.

Miss Gaddie = Yes, May Roxley is
just as mad at her father as she can
be. There was a little puppy with a
great pedigree that she wanted him to
buy for her, and he wouldn't do 1t.
Miss Ascum-What was it, French
count or German baron ?-Catholic
Standard and Times,
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1908-07-29
Their KNOWLEDGE.

'T's been a sinnahw vouchsafed a
recently converted brother during an
experience meeting In Ebenezer chap
ell. "a heen-yus, lowdown, contami-
mated sinnah for, 10, desc many yeahs
and never knowed it!'
Don let dat molest yO', Brudder
Newcome," spoke up sympathetically
inclined deacon. "De rest of us know
ed it all de time."-Puck.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1908-07-29
Lingenfelter and Wells Reunion.

The fifth annual reunion and basket
picnic OF the Lipgenfelter and Wells
families will be held on Wednesday,
September End, day and evening. All
relatives and the ir friends are cordially
invited to attend. COMMITTEE.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1908-07-29
Easy Enouqh.

II cannot live but a week longer
wizout your
Really, duke! Now, how can you
fx on a specific length Of time r.
"Ze landlord fix on It, miss, not IT,
Louisville Courier-Journal.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1908-07-29
An Excention.

81 think" said the merchant, "Ill
have to fire your friend Polk. | never
saw any one quite so lazy"
"Slow in everything, is hep
mo. not everything He gets tired
quick enough.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1908-07-29
Corsets.

Another lot of those SOC corsets with
hose supporter attached. All sizes at
39c. Gillespies.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1908-07-29

Mems Walk Overl,oxfords s4.00 now
SO 90 at Adams.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1908-07-29

Don't wait; now is the time TO buy
low shoes cheap at Adams.
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1908-07-15
A Wife's Need.

She needs good temper, cheerful
disposition and knowledge of how
her husband should be treated. She
needs a capability of looking on the
right side of life and refusing to be
worried by small things. She needs a
secure grasp of such subjects as are
of interest to men, and should not be
above studying even politics in order
to understand should her husband
speak of them. She needs a sympa-
thetic nature in order that, should sor-
row fall upon them, she may be able
to give comfort. She needs to under
stand something of sick nursing. A
wife with no notion of what to do in
the case of illness is but useless
thing. She needs tact and patience
the one to enable her to know when to
remain silent and vice versa, and the
other to put up with her husband when
his temper is rufiled.-Chicago Ameri-
can,
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1908-07-15
Revenge That Proved Effective.

One of our young society women
has very good looking husband OF
whom she is most proud. Having no
ticed that this gentleman was paying
marked attention to lady in her own
set she kept a careful watch and was
fortunate enough to discover among
her husbands papers number of let
tiers written by the said lady.
She then reflected as to what course
she should pursue. She thought long
and at last hit upon a strange plan.
From among the correspondence the
lady selected four letters, pasted them
on the back of her fan, and then &C.
companied her husband to a dinner
where she knew she would meet her
rival. 1t was not long before the fan
attracted the attention of the guests,
who asked to be allowed to look at it,
The fan then passed from hand to
hand, and when it. reached the rival
she turned crimson and under the pre-
text of a sudden indisposition with
drew hastily.-Gentlewo
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1908-07-15
EVER RUN AWAY FROM HoMEf
cray.Haired Man Remembers Soy
Who Tried II Forty Years Ago.

whenever read in the newspapers
that boy has run away from home to
fight Indians or seek some other sort
of adventure, 1t takes me back Az
years." said the gray-haired man In the
club smoking room. For l ran away
from home once, just as l suppose
every other youngster does, once at
least, only in my case l wasn't seeking
adventure was escaping tyranny.
1T seems foolish now, but 1t was all
very real to me then. The tyranny
consisted Of the one fact that got my
first licking, and ! guess there's no
doubt that deserved 1t. But couldn't
see 1t that way then; was very bit
ter, and the one idea had was to get
away where life was free and tyrants
were not.
THE impulse to depart on my trav-
els was carried out so suddenly that
found myself wandering far away
from the house before 1t dawned on
me that 1 was Ill provided for jour-
ney. l had gone Just as was, with the
smart OF my physical as well as mental
wrongs still acute.
"As l went pondered over the mat
ter Of provisions, and the idea came to
me that l would make by first stand In
cranberry bog right on the farm.
With this as headquarters ! would
make raids on neighboring orchards,
and If the worst came to the worst |
supposed the cranberries would sup
port life.
We'll, l reached the cranberry bog
presently and bivouacked. Here l
should spend the first night under the
friendly stars. I picked out soft
place for a bed and sat down to wait
for night.
Now, cranberries are not very fill
ing. especially in the raw, green state,
but | managed to eat some Of them.
And then it began to get dark.
We'll, sir, the shadows fell quickly
on the hills about me and the air grew
chill. Fantastic monsters reared their
horrid heads on every hand. The free
life began to pail.
SO it won't surprise you to learn
that very little boy ran home crying
before the supper things had been
cleared away, and that he never ran
away again"
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1908-07-15
KENTUCKY ITEM
In Recent Issue of a Los An
geles, CAL, Newspaper.

F. G. Pickrell, of Lexington,
KY, brought suit in the United
States Circuit Court at Los An
geles against Joseph 6. Hearne
and Albert j. Elliott, two physi-
clans of San Diego. He asks S.
900 damages for alleged mal-prac-
tice. The complaint sets forth
that the plaintiff, by reason of
their unski!lful treatment of an in
jury to his leg, suffered great pain
and is permanently afflicted.
Mr.. Pickrell is we'll known here.
While working alta saw mill he
was so injured that amputation of
his leg was necessary.
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1908-07-15
Boys Lite Saved.

My little boy, four years old,
had severe attack of dysentery.
We had two physicians; both of
them gave him up. We then gave
him Chamberlain's Collie, Cholera
and Diarrhoe remedy which cured
him and believe that saved his life.
William H. Stroling, Carbon
Hill, Ala. There is no doubt but
this remedy saves the lives of many
children each year. Give it with
castor oil according to the plain
printed directions and a cure is
certain. For sale by r. H. White
Il Co., Druggists. 51-5t
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1908-07-15
Stomach Muscles
in Old Age

People should be more and more care
full, as age advances, to see that their
bowels move regularly. In this way fSev
can keep themselves in good health and
prolong life. The bowels are not as ac.
tive in middle-life and old age as thew
are in youth, and with the majority there
il a tendency to constipation of chronic
and obstinate nature.
To ward off the possibility of serious
diseases use DR.. Caldwell's Syrup PEN
sin, the great herb laxative compound.
Il Is especially suited to the use of elderly peo
pie because It is prompt but gentle In action.
as Is the case with salts. purgative waters and
cathartic tablets. These should not be used nv
children, women. old folks or weak people he
cause they are too violent in action and generallv
grippe. Furthermore, the results are temporary
ss reaction sets In and the bowels are bound IN
A remedy like DR.. Caldwell's Syrup Pepsina,a
very gentle In action and vet thoroughly enc.
tive, and as 1t contains tonic .properties it
strengthens the system instead Of weakening It,
many can In q short time do away with the use
Of all laxatives 1t will cure the most chronic
constipation, dyspepsia, liver trouble, bilious
ness, fiatulency. sour stomach. weak stomach,
Floating drowsiness after eating and such other
stomach. liver and bowel troubles
To prove how effective It is In serious cases
the experience Of Mr.. Armstrong Of Decatur
ILL.,, can be cited He suffered from a gunshot
wound during the Civil War which caused par
tial paralysis Of the bowels and he has had ever
since to use laxative. He says he never found
70 nature. as DR.. Caidwells Syrup Pepsin. Try
It and you will say the same. The price is so
cents or 81 bottle at any druggist.
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1908-07-15
Appetite Stimulated by Cold.

Sufferers from loss of appetite are
advised to migrate to the south pole.
Prof. Edgecombe David of the Uni.
versity Of Sydney, who is member Of
the Shackleton expedition, has sent a
letter to his wife. He says he is in
Sood health and that his appetite is
"The vast quantities that
onel eats and really seems to need in
this cold climate are simply marvel.
Gus. \ suppose they are chiefly used
in keeping up the body temperature.
The Professor adds that penguin soup
is deliciouS and that he has become
very fond Sof seal meat. He wrote
his letter frbm the camp at the foot
of Mount Erebus, the volcanic and
glacial geology. OF which he was en-
gagged in examining.
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1908-07-15
Free CITY Delivery.

Business will b e facilitated
in the Post Office if all patrons
will have their mail addressed to
their street and number. Deliv-
cry will be 4 times daily in the
business center and twice in resi-
dence section, beginning at $50
and 80. For convenience of the
public, II additional street boxes
will be located; at present there
are only 4.
Each patron should have an in
dividual box at his front door
for reception of mail. If postman
finds no box and there is no answer
to bell ring in a few inmates, he
carries your mail by and awaits
following trip. He can not leave
letters on floor or await indefinite
ly for bell to be answered. If
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1908-07-15

Heat prostrates the nerves. In the
summer one needs tonic to offset the
customary hot weather Nerve and
Strength depression. You will feel better
within 4S hours after beginning to take
such remedy as DIR. Shops Restora-
tive. It's prompt action in restoring the
weakened nerves is surprising OF course,
You won't get entirely strong in a few
days, but each day you can actually feel
the improvement. That tired, lifeless,
spiritless feeling will quickly depart when
using the restorative. DR. Shops Re-
storative will sharpen failing Appetite
it aids digestion; it will strengthen the
weakened Kidneys and Heart by simply
rebuilding the WORKOUT nerves that these
organs depend upon. Test it few days
and be convinced. Sold by F. c. Duer
son. 5I-5t
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1908-07-15
KtNIUCKIANs.
Harmony Dominated Every Move
ment of the Party Leaders
At Denver.

Denver, Colo, July Uni
ted We Stand, Divided We Fall, "
Kentucky's motto, guided It's dele
CATION in the preliminary meeting.
Urey Woodson announced that
the order of business was the cleo
ton of chairman of the delega-
ton. Senator McCreary nomi-
mated Representative James.
There was no other nomination.
God Almighty intended for
Kentucky to be Democratic
State. and with the help Of God
and harmony the State will go
back where she belongs in the
Democratic column said Mr..
James in accepting the chairman
ship.
Clarence Finn, of Greensboro,
was made the secretary. For the
committee to notify Mr.. Bryan of
his nomination Colonel Haldeman
was elected by nomination. D.. L.
Griffith, of Greensboro, was nOml-
mated to notify the Vice Pres dent.
Mr.. James announced that the
next business was the selection of
member of the resolutions COM
mittee. j. Hennesy, of Augusta,
nominated ex-Gov. Beckham.
Senator McCreary Immediately
gained the floor and said:
''Mr. Chairman, desire to sec
ond the nomination of your dis
tinguished Ex-Governor and to say
that / hope that he will be elected
by reclamation.
There was a shout. Mr.. Beck
ham was at once made the unani-
nous choice for the resolutions
committee ald then it was the turn
of the Beckham men to throw
bouquet. Tom Stuart, of Win
chester, said:
Speaking for the Democrats of
Eastern Kentlcky, want to NOM
mate the gallant old Democratic
warhorse, James B. McCreary,
for Kentucky's representative on
the committee on organization"
1t went through. Mr.. Beckham
then nominated Senator Paynter
for member of the credentials COM
mittee. Senator Paynter at once
declined and said the place ought
to 90 to a lITaFn on the outside, for
instance, John CE& Mayo. Mr..
Mayo was elected. Then Sepator
McCreary said he thought Mr.
Stuart would be a good man for
the rules committee and Stuart got
the place. The honorary vice
presidency went to Virgil Smith.
UREY WOODSON REFLECTED.
Then Chairman James said there
was a national committeeman to be
nominated. Mr.. Woodson was
voted the goods" and it was well
deserved.
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1908-07-15
FIFTEEN DEAD
One !Iundred In Hospital in New
York As Result of Intense
Heat.

Fifteen are dead and more than
100 hospital cases of heat prostra-
ton is New York's tale of torture
for "a hours to noon on July 7.
Intense humidity, an absolutely
breezeless night and high temper
ature caused such suffering as that
city has rarely seen.
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1908-07-15
A False Alarm.

Jocular Small BoyE-Say, mister,
heard a man telling to-day where you
can ketch 'em a doin' business at a
regular green goods headquarters
place.
Astute Detective-Wherle Is it, SON.
ny?"
]. S. B.-That ere big seed and plant
store at the corner yonder.
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1908-07-15
Cough Caution

Never. positively never poison yourlungs. nyou
couch-even from simple cold only-you should
always heal. soothe, and ease the irritated bfon.
stupefyinR poison. It's strange how some things
finally come about For twenty years DR.. shoop
has constantly warned people not to take cough
mixtures or prescriptions containing Opl ,ttIs
late though-Congress says Put It ON the label,
il poisons arc in your Cough Mixture" Good
Very good II Hereafter for thisveryreaso
and others. should Insist on having DR.. Shops
Cough Cure. No poison marks on Dr.. Shops
hbeIs-and none IN the medicine. else 1t must ~
law be on the label And It's not only safe. but IL
il said to be BY those that knowit best truly 70
variable cough remedy. Take no chance then.
particularly with your children. Insist on having
6r Shoops Cough Cure. Compare carefully the
Or. Shoop package with others and note the
difference. No poison marks there! You can
always be on the safe side By demanding
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1908-07-15
A Turkey Remedy.

Mrs. w. F. Heathman, Clintonville,
KY, says: 81 have tried number of
remedies. but Bourbon Poultry Cure is
the only remedy have ever found that
will cure sick turkeys" Sold by w. S.
Lloyd.
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1908-07-15
TheNTruth

Every person in this city who is suf-
fering from Eczema, Pimples, Dand-
ruff or any form of SKIN or scalp dis
ease, can find relief and be permanent
ly cured by Zemo, clear liquid tor
external use. All druggists Ssell ZtMO
FOR Ale By w. s. LLOYD.
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1908-07-15
Couldn't Stand That,

John writes from college," said the
old man. that I've lowered his dig
nifty"
IN what way?"
by payin' for his education with
the money from last years water
melon crop!"-Atlanta .Copstitut,1n.
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1908-07-15
DR.. Shops
Cough Cure
TRUST CUTS PRICES
OF BLUE GRASS SEED
Cleaned Product Is Reduced to
$I.4O Following Action By
the Farmers.
f. c. DUERS0N.

Paris, KY, July THE far
mers composing the blue grass
9eed pool, in which 225, 900 BUSH
els of seed is pledged, have de-
cided to establish warehouses and
a cleaning plant and place the
pooled seed on the market. The
price of trusts cleaned seed which
prior to the announcement of the
farmers to enter the market. was
selling at 81. 40 per bushel fell to
S1.0S on July 6th-
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1908-07-15
The ~
New York
Tribune

while the great exponent of
Republicanism, it al way S
treats both sides with equal
fairness. The Tri-Weekly
Tribune is a pocket edition
of the Daily Tribune. It ap-
peals especially to people who
do not want to spend the
money and time paying for
and reading a metropolitan
paper seven days in the week.
We will make you a special
campaign offer of six months
subscriptions for 75C.
Write or call at this Office.
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1908-07-15
HAVE TRIED TO SELL TO TRUST.

Owners of pooled seed tried to
close out their seed to the trust at
SO cents per bushel, which they
believed was fair value in view
of the fact that the cleaned article
was selling at S1.40, and in the
early spring was quoted as high as
81 per bushel.
The trust declined Ito buy or
to even make an offer. Its indif-
ference precipitated the determi-
nation to enter the markets of the
world, and caused the slump on
cleaned seed.
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1908-07-15
Tobacco Worms Still Flourish.

\ Carlisle news item says cut
ting out the 1908 crop of tobacco
has not cut out the 1908 crop of
tobacco worms altogether. They
have chosen tomato vines, to the
great dissatisfaction of gardeners.
In some cases full-grown tobacco
worms have been found thriving.
Pain will depart in exactly 20 minutes
if one of DR.. Shops Pink Pain Tablets is
taken. Pain anywhere. Remember I!
Pain always means congestion, blood
pressure-nothing else. Headache is
blood pressure; toothache is blood pres
sure on the sensitive nerve. DR.. Shops
Headache Tablets-also called Pink Pain
Tablets-quickly and s,fely coax this
blood pressure away from pain centers
Painful periods with women get instant
relief 20 Tablets CSC. Sold by F. c.
Duerson. 5-5t
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1908-07-15

Owe 10 man anything save to
love one another.
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1908-07-15
Will
Remember

the Annual Institute, under
management of the Depart
N ae'?t- Of Agriculture for the
State of Kentucky, wiIfeon-
vene in our city on