The Robesonian., 1908-11-16
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 16. 1908.
WHY BRYAN WENT DOWN
IN DEFEAT.

have been explaining why MT.
Bryan went down in defeat and
have been commenting learned
ly thereupon, know that your
comments are idle and vain; yae,
out of the mouth of a Lumber
ton prophet you are cOnfounded |
and put to utter shame. We
know now what caused the
great Republican victory that
pushed Mr.. Taft-he's too large
to sweep anywhere, you know
or that will push Mr.. Taft-which
is the same thing-into the White
House. We know to a gnat's
heel.
The professor did it. Prof.
Richard H. Norris, scientist,
sometime of Georgia but now
again, after some years of
wandering, a sojourner IN Rob-
sson county, Lumberton town,
the places that knew him of
old, back in the days when the
blood of youth ran in his veins;
Prof. Norris, whose natural state
of mind is communion with the
stars and with all unseen and
occult influences that give
the average man pause. The
professor is not only in close
communion continually with the
powers that be above, but he is
also in full sympathy with the
powers that be in the national
administration which is to say
that he is a Republican. Sort
of careless like, he let things
jog along until just before the
election, resting secure in the
knowledge that in the twinkling
of an eye he could do the trick,
and just at the last moment he
aroused himself, shook his flow
ing locks, put the proper in
fluences in motion, and from
that moment Mr.. Bryan had no
more chance of winning the
Presidency than the proverbial
snow ball has of retaining it's
original shape in that place
where they don't shovel snow.
No more.
And the professor knew just
how it was going to come out.
Here is the proof, if any are
skeptical. Here is the exact
copy of a telegram which the
professor sent to The New York
Times:
'Lumberton, N. C. Nov. 8, 1908.
Thine filed. $50 p. rn)
To The Times, New York.
Received an occult communi-
cation at 4:35 announcing the
overwhelming defeat of Bryan.
It's alright. Loyalty, Liberty
and Union forever were the vital
issues which wrought the de-
feat"
Scientist Richard H. Norris"
And here is another wire which
was filed at 6:25 p. m. Novem-
Der 1st, which properly ought to
have come first:
President Roosevelt,
Washington, D. C.
Pm for Taft. Twice l fol-
lowed Bryan to defeat. l hear
voice thou canst not hear,
Norris and victory!' Assuaged
be your concern. God is good"
Richard H. Norris"
Peace, be still. We bet the
President slept in peace that
night. What we are mad about
is that the professor did not
give US the news from taw first
off, so that we could have wired
to a waiting world and gained
thereby much glory. But the
professor was good to Lumber
ton. Instead of wiring from
Klngsdale, where he received
the occult communication, he
fastened to Lumberton to give
this town the honor of having
the message sent from here. For
which the town is duly CRATE
tul, and we get crumbs of COM
fort out of being able to tell Just
why Mr.. Bryan was defeated.
Let no ungrateful wretch arise
TO ask the professor why he did
not bring further influences to
bear and sweep the Republican
ticket in State and county into
victor Was it not enough for
one tins % surprise the country
by such an overwhelming vic
tory for Taft? 1t was enough.
Assuage your concern; peace, be