davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-12-12

plain slumgullion and the other third just
The common or garden variety OF inehab!e
junk?
II may we'll be that you have thus APP
praised them. Washington folk. l Happen
to know, are pretty cunnin' little apprais-
ers. For example. it's hard to bunk
Washington theater-goers. The produc-
ton that is boosted a colossal hit In
Moo Iawk doesn't necessarily knock
Washington theater-goers all of heap
They desire TO- be shown. They require
that the blue prints. SO to speak. be dis
PLAYED The Moo Yawk verdict doesn't
get them all het up. They wish to have a
peek at Exhibit A and such like II the
piece is meritorious it'll catch Washing
ton even if it has gained approval In the
big town But if it's a citron-and a good
many of the franticaly boosted New
York successes faI under that classi-
fIcation-W Washington will find IL out. and
pretty early i'll the week. at that.
| used to notice, too, In Washington.
that the puffy-wuffy best sellers In the
fiction line never aroused Washington
novel readers to any wild pitch of buying
enthusiasm unless, by some strange and
rare .chance, the best seller" really hap
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-12-12

of an instrument, don't you?'
you may imagine that I was puzzled
as to what to say to this customer.
pointed out to him that it takes a good
many years for a person to become even
moderately proficient in performing upon
any kind of wind instrument.
Was your idea something in the
wood wind or the brass?' 1 asked him.
Now, wait minute till I tell you
something he said then. Not long ago,
at a vaudeville show. l heard fellow
play on thing that sounded mighty good
to me, it honest did. 1t was brass, or
silver. or some kind of metal. and it was
shaped like big Dutch tobacco pipe-you
know the kind: with the hanging stem
and the big bowl Had a lot O keys In
front that the fellow manipulated. Diun't
sound much like cornet. or any other
kind of brass thing, but more like some
instrument made out of wood. And it GER
tainly made sweet. lifting music. l don
know the name Of the thing, but /
Must have been a saxophcne, I told
him. and l showed him one.
"'That's the article!' he exclaimed. his
eyes swapping. That's the heWgag
want, Me for that! Say. guv'nor. how
long dye reckon it 'ud be before 1 could
learn to play one Of those thigamaJigs"
and he handled the instrument ginserly,
but with fond look.
"WelI, recommended a certain local
saxophone player, telling him he'd better
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-12-12

face. and he pulls away the chair and
scoops me into the seat.
Then oh. then does he beam and say:
Mseu desires a steak"
Yes, I want steak-a thick one with
green peas"
and now there is an interlude by the
orchestra. an interlude made beautiful by
the satisfying grip which a dry Martini
takes upon the willing tongue. And a
ruttering dance by the ballet. who twist
and turn and twaddle. while back
ground chorus of cooks. solutions and
pantrymen sing. with nuance and furioso:)
Hurrah hurrah. Well cook her till she's brown!
IIuITah. hurrah,
Tho drippings flicker down.
ON. orr guest just Kills the olives,
Hes the hungricst man in town,
And his stomach almost thinks that his throat s
cut.
Pipe No. .:
And soon, but not too soon, comes
Francois, grading lovingly the silver
platter. over which is a silver cover. AS
he reaches my side he lowers the platter
with the graceful swoop of sea bird, re-
moving the cover and murmuring:
Shall serve it. m'sieu?"
And I nearly drop dead with the an
ticipation of the coming feast.
Light. playful anticipatory music. Vio-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-12-12

manifest purpose Of allowing the man to
put his foot into it by replying to her.
which he utterly declines to do. Il won
der If you ever stop to think that you are
going to the dogs just as fast as ever you
can? Does it ever occur to you that you
are falling into a rut of dissipation that is
just bound to drag you down to perditiOn
and to land US both in the poorhouse?'
He whistles about four bars Of a quite
plaintive air. and picks up the evening
paper (Which he had finished reading be-
fore starting out that EVENING" and pre-
tends to be deeply absorbed in the market
news. which he rarely or never reads. But
he doesn't say anything.
Hereupon her breath begins to come
pretty fast. Her eyes take on an angrier
blaze. 1t has become palpable to her that
he isn't going to reply to any ordinary
thrust. She makes up her mind that she's
going to make him say something or know
the reason why. In order to start him.
therefore. she concludes to hand him some
kind Of cutting jolt, sufficient to dam
age his self-esteem. which she. like the
average woman. imagines to be mans
most vulnerable point and salient charac-
teristic. next to his desire for food at all
hours of the day and night
Il wonder If you know" she says to
him. therefore, that you are beginning to
look perfectly sodden? Your face is posi-
lively puffy. You are beginning to look
coarse and pouchy and jowly. You are
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-12-12

come profoundly immersed in the por-
trayals Of union underwear. But he re-
mains silent His wife begins to hop up
and down the room, unable to cont:rn
herself in her rage.
well. heaven forgive me for having
Joined my life to a perfect dummy shs
snaps. IF anybody had ever predicted
of me that I'd be tied for life to moody
naddy that couldn't say word for him.
SELF I'd have just laughed. that's what I'd
have done-just laughed.'
And SO on. for about fifteen minutes
more, during which the man utters nix
a word.
Then. while she's still talking, and be-
coming more cutting all the time. he
gets up. winds the clock on the mantel-
piece, puts the pup out into the kitchen.
locks the hall door. and. with another
good stretching of the arms and ho-hum.
walks into his sleeping room. takes off his
clothes, puts on his pajauas and gets into
bed-and all the while she is talking and
still trying to draw his fire.
The next morning Che reiates) he begins
to chat with her as IL nothing has hap
pened, and she Is SO stunned with his
sheer effrontery that she chats back
pleasantly enough.
The man vows and vums that it works
out all right every time. He does not
recommend it for universal application.
however. for he admits that some wives
are different.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-12-12

while I'm unraveling my little explana-
ton, because I'm sure going to buy one
of those things before I leave your store
Well, it's this way: I've got family OF
four daughters, ranging from fourteen to
twenty-five years Of age. Two Of 'em are
married and settled down. but the other
two are still living at home with mother
and me. Now, there's been a good piano
of one sort Or another in my home ever
since my first daughter was born, and
I'd hate to say. right out loud. how many
thousands of dollars I've burned up CIV
ing these daughters of mine musical ed
locations, with especial reference to the
piano But, sir, I have come to the con-
clusion that there isn't dimes worth OF
music in airy one of them-not a dimes
worth, sir. If there is L can't set any Of
it out of 'en.
LATTER all the money I've freely dished
out to give those girls their piano lessons,
buying a new plano every once in while.
buying music all the time, keeping the
pianos tuned and In repair. and all that
sort of drain-after all of this hopeful
sloshing around 1 can't get one of those
girls to play anything for me when I'm
through with my days work and want to
listen TO a little music. I'm wild over
music, and l like a pretty fairish article
of music at that. but my daughters either
can't play or they just balk at playing
for me, for every time ask one of 'em,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-12-12

boy or tramp or sailor or what not:
but he simply must, to suit the taste OIL
the novel devourers Of this day and date,
be what men folks would unhesitatngly
pronounce prig, no matter what dress
he wears; a mouther of phrases STACEY
appealer to the feminine gallery; lime
light poseur at critical junctures: and
with a big streak Of the feminine In his
own composition.
Yes. and even if he's portrayed as 4
registering. dissipated divvle-may-care
proposition he's got to entertain the most
fervidly exalted notions with respect 10
the sublimity of womanhood and each
and every type of wOmanhood. Tha1 de-
manded. and the demand is listened 10
and needed by the novelists. And If he
isn't all of these things. and then may
be some, why, the novel readers-always
meaning the Women-slmplE Will nav
none Of him.
Then, too, the heroine must be fore
most and always. independent That Is
to say, she must do just about as she
Internally pI-a from cover to cover
regardless of the opinions Of the people
by whom she is surrounded.
eff she offend society by her conduct,
then so much the worse for the narrow
ness of societys views about things. the
novelists tell me that they simply mus
depict their heroines a s young rsons OF
this independent cha acter. or their
readers-meaning the womeh-"on nave
anything to do with 'em.
.Racause. Won see. we've raised up
right independent unrestricted. unre-
strained, dominating and sort or govern
ing eenera-i N of women fo'kS ". MS
American land Of ours. And they ike It,
That's the reason why they are go enam-
ored of these fiction heroines who kick
over the traces. The more traces they
kick over, why, the better-thats the
view.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-12-12

when 1 stretch out on the sitting room
lounge, to go in and hit up d few notes
for me she says she has sore thumb,
or that she's out Of practice, or that she
isn't feeling well. or that she's just going
out, or something like that, and divvle the
bit of music do 1 get. Once in a while,
when I'm pretty insistent upon the point,
one of them will flounce in, rather peev-
ish over my persistence. and. pumping
herself on the piano stool. will strike
into some measiy ragtime thing that Ia
just soon hear proceeding from a bar
rel organ out in front of the house. Well.
I've given 1t up, this idea of ever getting
any music out of my daughters. Now.
want to buy one of those plano playing
machines-the best you've got I'm your
whole blamed plant for spot cash-and
want to learn how to play Oh it myself.
and dadgum my crinlkly old neck II
don't show 'em up there at home soma
night some music as will be music. and
music till they can't rest. and I won't
let one of them ever so much as SIT down
i'm front of the machine, blamed If
will
"Well. sold the old party handsome
and expensive piano playing contraption.
as he called il. right then and there. I
certainly would like to have been on
hand on the night when he sat down and
showed 'en himself what real music
sounded like"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-12-12

of course. had never departed from the
woman, both would say things to each
other that it hurt them even to think
about afterward. And thus the old game
went along.
Then the man discovered the efficacy
of silence in such cases made and pro-
vided.
He came home, one night about month
ago, little to the bad. He had been with
a few of the fellers. He didn't have
any excuse at hand that he thought he d
be able to get away with at home. More
over. he had a bunch that his tongue
might prove to be bit thick and trouble
some, anyhow.
So. right at the outside door to his
apartment. he had an inspiration.
He resolved that he wouldn't say a
word.
1t worked altogether beyond his ex-
pectations. Here, according to him. Is
about the way the thing uncoils itself:
The man comes home pretty late. His
wife is sitting up. with all Of the lights
faring, and the corners Of her mouth are
drawn tightly downward. She drops her
book when he comes in, stares hard at
him, and, says she. in most significant
tone. full of inquiry:
"Well?"
Man, after hanging up his hat and coat
pumps into chair, wearing a thoughtful
rather good-natured expression of coun-
tenance. He flicks a little imaginary dust
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-12-12

devourers of that product. And they
get what they want. That may sound
somewhat out of hand, but it's the truth.
At least 81 per cent of the novelists or
today. male and female, write with the
sole aim Of gaining the interest and APP
prevail. of women readers. And they
simply write down to their audience.
They can't be blamed for writing what
are called sellers A novelist must have
readers. If only that he may eat. He
must depend upon women to be his
readers. and he knows 1t. knowing it,
would it be common sense for him to
write the kind of novels that wouldn't go
worth a cent. with women? l think noto
The novelist thinks not. And there you
are.
Just for instance, how many men Of
your own acquaintance are there who
read the so-termed best sellers OF these
recent years? None? ! thought so. OF
all of the men of my acquaintance L
couldn't put finger OH one either, who
reads these best sellers.
Quite a number of chaps of my ac-
ouaintance. of course, have an occasional
hankering for bit of fiction. But when
they find themselves In that mood, do
they romp to the counters where they find
the best sellers stacked up? Not any.
Not at ALL
ION the contrary. most of 'em go to
their bookcases and take out something
Of Dickens or Thackeray's or Ba zac's.
Some of them drop into the bookstores
and pick out something by Meredith or
Hardy or Hewlett or Stevenson or Kip
ling, or even Henry James. that victim
of jokesmiths who never Ill their lives
read a line of him. Or they'll get straight
out stories Of adventure wherewith to
satisfy their craving for something apart
from the workaday world. But they
keep away from the best sellers as they
would dodge invitations to suffragettes'
meetings or sessions of the mothers con-
gress.
VERY often l have the chance to
watch the average men dipping into the
popular novels-popularized wholly by
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-12-12

off his coat lapel, and says not word.
She is waiting for him to begin to unreei
the excuse He fools her by keeping per-
fectly still.
''Well?" she repeats, in still harder
tone. perhaps you have some reason to
offer for your coming home at this time
of the night Cor of the morning, l should
say in this condition."
ct is nearly always likely that the man
has only had two bottles of beer and that
his condition is all right. But she doesn't
grant that)
The man falls to gazing interestedly at
one Of the pictures on the wall. as if he
had never clapped eyes on it in his life
before Then he seems to notice that
that picture is hanging bit crooked. So
he goes over to the picture and fixes it
straight, using great elaboration in doing
this. Right here she begins to become
quite het up.
"Oh. so you don't dare to trust yourself
to talk-that's it, is it?'' she says. with a
still more accusatory ring in her tone.
"You are simply tongue-tied after your
carousing, eh?"
The man gets out his pocketknife, opens
up the nail-file blade and proceeds to file
away wholly imaginary hang nail from
his left thumb.
But he doesn't say word.
"I'd like to know what YOU think of
yourse,f?" she says, after minutes ST.
lence, making the pause for the perfectly
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-12-12

the professional literary boosters ana the
praise of women-plenty OF which pun
lish myself-and as matter OF business,
certainly I'm one OF the boosters " shi Si fnr
example, on trains. for l get ABOUT the
country q good DIT.
'"WeI1 the performance nearly ai"ayS
is the same The man on the train VIII
wade through all the newspapers .ilat
he can get hold of. Then. to save sitting
in his seat and twiddng his thumbs ne
signals the news-butcher with the armiui
Of best sellers and glances over the tltles
of the novels with rather disdalnful eyes.
"."Six Months he says, musingly,
picking one of the books from the neWsV
butchers stack. I'm. Six Months.
That's the thing they're making such
roar about, Ell? Well, I've Tagged 1t
I'D to this time, although I've sure seen
it kicking around my house lot. 1t
must be pretty foolish to've made all
this talk and then he buys the book and
opens it up
"Of course. the length of time that the
average men in such circumstances Will
read a best seller will. of course. vary.
I've seen men reading just two pages OF
books they've bought in this way and
then toss them away with CALCULATIONS
of disgust.
Zone in a while. because they've got
nothing else on earth to do and don't
feel like staring out of the car window at
the parade of the telegraph posts. they II
read quite number of pages, all the
time wearing sort OF puzzled hopeless
expression of countenance. But nearly
always they'll finish. sooner or later. by
chucking such books away from them
OIL Internal
why, as n matter of fact the news
butchers on trains really figure that most
of the folks who buy best sellers will
chuck them long before they reach their
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-12-12

morning, deed it is. I'd like to know
what he really does for living. Mrs.
Hottstuph tries to tell me that he's in the
real estate business. but he looks more
like a cheap actor or something than a
real estate man. And the idea Of her try
ing to tell me that he doesn't drink!
II should think she'd be ashamed to
death to try to tell 70 ks such a big one
when everybody hears him stumbling in at
all hours, humming horrid ragtime songs
and clomping around as If he could hardly
stand on his feet. The idea of woman
trying to cover up her husbands drunk
enness! I'd just like to see myself doing
anything like that for Rangsmith!
Just listen to that Hottstuph man rum
bling and grumbling around now! Does
anybody s'pose that he'd carry on that
way every morning when he gets out Of
bed II he didn't have the morning after
feeling and the big head that goes with it?
Mrs Hottstuph pretends to think that
when he goes out before breakfast he
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-12-12

into his head that he'll write a piece OF
fiction cut above the sort Of stuff he's
been turning out, and does write the
thing of better grade. his aders-
meaning women. you know-drop right
away from him. They won't have tho
better thing that the novelist can do. Tho
novelist learns his little lesson after just
one experience OF this sort. And. the les
son learned, he gets back to writing tic
kind of stuff his readers demand.
..It is likely to make one bit skeptical
as to the Wanted intellectual improves
pent in this generation of women to CONF
pare the sort of fiction the women OF to-
day read with the novels read by the
women of a quarter Of century ago or
even ha'f hundred years ago. It's no
trick at all TO remember when women in
this country were great readers Of Dickens
and Thackeray.
But doubt if one novei-reading young
woman of today out of ten knows a sim
gle volume OF either one of those mighty
fiction writer's of the last century. The
women used to read Jane Austen. who,
SNUG or no. wrote literature, anyhow; they
read Charlotte Bronte; yes. and Ouida. who.
for all the criticism that has been leveled
at her. knew now TO write rings around
any present-day woman novel ST. inc I'd
ing, in my opinion. Mrs. Humphry Ward.
Don't ask me to make any prediction
as to when. If ever women Will cease 10
have the full say about what kind or
novels shall succeed l can only at
tempt to analyze present conditions with
out trying to prophesy.
From where | sit. however. II looks TO
me as if these conditions will not change
until what in this country is now called
the feminist movement reaches its highest
water mark. When that tide beg ms 10
ebb and women get hack a more normal
and healthy view of 'ife and the AFFAIRS or
life than. i'm my Judgment, they now pos
sess speaking generally. why. then
better grade of works of fiction will be
demanded by them and provided for them:
and not before.
CLARENCE l.. CULLEN.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-12-12

ing that he never drinks. the very idea.
An hour or so later there was a ring at
the hall door of the fiat and Mrs. Bang
smith went to the door. The caller was
Mrs. Hottstuph.
"Why, you dear. mean old thing, you.
Myrtle Hottstuph.' exclaimed Mrs.
Bangsmith, taking Mrs Hottstuph In her
fond embrace. Its wonder you didn't
pass by. as usual.
You just know I've been up to your
fiat hundred times to your once down
here. My husband was wondering only
last night why you and Mr.. Hottstuph
never come down. My. but you're look
ing rosy! 1 heard you laughing and cut
ting up with Mr.. Hottstuph this morning
what a devoted couple you are. to be
sure. Do take off your things and stay
awhile, dawling. Isn't that lynx muff a
perfect love. I declare II makes me per-
fectly green with envy. My, but what a
lucky girl you are to have a husband
who gives you every blessed thing that
you ask him for.'
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-12-12

only goes to get a newspaper, but haven't
seen him. often. darting into that hotel
cafe on the corner, and Of course he
drinks three or four cocktails as an appe-
tier for breakfast; he has to. dare say.
the sodden thing. before he can eat any
breakfast! IT Mrs. Hottstuph isn't the
simpleton!
"Well. he certainly is raising Cain with
her this morning He's growing at her
now for not having been home when he
got home for dinner last evening, and,
really, don't blame the man. OF all the
gadders ever saw Mrs. Hottstuph is the
worst, Why, she no sooner gets the man
out of the fiat after breakfast than she
just turns handsprings to get her clothes
and makeup on. and then she's out and
down town and goodness knows where
ALL She's never home for lunch. and she
just manages to rush in a minute or so
before he gets home for dinner-can't
hear her just more than throwing off her
street clothes and getting into a house
jacket. SOS to make him believe that
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-12-12

what the bone dishes were for, and she
blushed furiously when l told her-and,
my, how l did enjoy telling her!
Il do wish they wouldn't cook fried
cabbage I'D there for Notwithstanding
up the whole place! It's wonder they
wouldn't have something civilized for
breakfast, anyhow. But these people
that are all for show never have any
thing worth eating on their table. Didn't
l see one Of the awfullest chuck steaks
yes. chuck steak. just think Of it!-going
UP on the dumbwaiter for the Hottstuphs
only day before yesterday? l suspected
that it might be chuck steak Or some
thing. so 1 just opened the bag leetle
bit and took a peek at 1t as it went up,
and there it was. chuck steak. as big
and natural as life! I thought die 1
should.
Huh. Now Hottstuph's got his clothes
on and he's gone out to get newspaper.
It's all over for the morning, for he'll
come back for breakfast all cocktailed
up. as usual. and cheerful-and she's say