davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31
Thou art the armourer of my heart.
Antony and Cleopatra.
Red Tape In Law MAKING

The constitutional 1901 calls for an
abundance of red tape whenever any
bill is put through the legislature and
the people have not responded by elect
ing skillful manipulators of that arti-
Gle. When the unskillful legislator and
the red-tape provisions of the constitu-
ton meet the net result is bills that
have not been passed in a constitu-
tional manner. The net result is
mass of technicalities that put all bills
in doubt until their constitutionality
has been judicially determined.
We either need more skillful legisla-
tors or less red tape in the constitu-
ton. As we cannot readily remake the
constitution we will perforce have to
select more skillful lawmakers-men
who will watch the details in the pas
sage of bill, and especially the man
ner in which the details are recorded
in the journals of the two houses.
AS things stand today no one knows
that any enactment of the present leg
islature is valid and constitutional.
Slipshod legislation was the rule, and
all of its enactments are under the pan
of suspicion and legal doubt The les
son seems to run to the qualified
voters in good part It becomes their
duty to select legislators that fit the
STANDARDIZATION who know a
piece of red tape when they see it, and
who are prepared to see every enact
ment carried to a record in the Jour-
nails of the two houses. None others
need apply.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31
"What Every Woman Knows"

From the New York World.
What every woman knows" if we are
to accept the dramatic critics interpre-
tation of Mr.. Barrie Is that man is
poor thing and not his own best coun-
sellor and guide But also that he has
to be allowed to think that he has things
his way.
NJ Michelet has expressed compile
mentary idea for he said that woman
knows that the better she obeys the
surer she is to rule" Michelet was a
cynic, while Mr.. Barrie is the opposite of
a radical and his woman who knows
shakes her head in hooking despair at
the suffragettes.
Yet there is a recurrent line In the
Barrie play which the critics miss. Says
the wife, over and over again, ooh, il
7 could only make him laugh at mer'
Which is practically the motif of the
piece. For when at last the wife's de-
sire is granted and the husband laughs,
the play is over, the result of the four
act striving is attained and the happy
ever after it certain m the home of
the Stands.
An awakened sense of humor takes the
strain out of a domestic situation for
which a lack of humorous appreciation
was responsible. John laughs and Mag
gle laughs with him. All the time be-
fore he has posed and ranted alone. The
first touch of mutual understanding is
in that first salutation to an unostenta-
tious little joke
What, then, does every woman know?
For one thing. she knows the man she
marries. Let him never have a doubt
on that point. For another thing, she
knows the deadly danger of the immov-
able serious. She understands that
laugh in the house is as valuable an asset
as dining room exposure on the sunny
side of the street. A laugh is an essen
tial indeed to that very mothering of
forlorn man of which Mr.. Barries critics
pirate. The tradition that woman has no
sense of humor, or at least no sense of
the value of it. is one of the shallowest
of long-standing jokes.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31
Population of the Country

The time for the taking of another
federal census is approaching, and
much guessing is going on as to the
population of the country. James J.
HILL who is considered in the north
west the wisest man that ever lived,
says that the population of the country
in 1850 will be 250,000,O00, but w. S.
Rossiter, census expert, says Mr.. Hill
has got another guess coming to him.
Mr. Rossiter says the rate of increase
becomes smaller in each recurring CEN
sus. Between 1870 and 1880 it was
81 per cent; in 1900 it had fallen to 81
per cent. 1t will go still lower, and
were immigration ended it would fall
almost to the French level.
Mr.. Rossiter looks for a population
of 114,O00,OO0 in 1920, and of 100, 100000
in 1850 He thinks the population of
the country will remain "about sta
tionary' after 1850 unless reinforce
ments from abroad are greatly in
creased, and the chances are they will
be shut out altogether by 1850.
The tendency to oyerestimate the
national population has long existed.
Our James J. Hills are over-optimistic,
and none of them have in the past been
justified by their "figgers."
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31
HARD FOR CHINESE BARRIERS.

From the Dundee Advertiser.
One class of Chinese at least will sim
cerely mourn the Emperor's death-the
BARRIERS. The 100 days after the procla-
nation of the death no one is allowed to
shave the front part of his head. These
people get a close shave as soon as they
hear of the death.
In most parts of China blue Is the
mourning color. The Emperor in Chinese
formal language, is not allowed to Idle"
like other people He Crashes" prince
is said to demise" ministers of state to
STOP" officials to resign their dignities.'
Common people alone die"
The same love of euphemism shows 1t
self In other ways. A coffin is spoken or
as 'the timber of age" or longevity
boards" and when man insures he does
not entitle his survivors to money but
himself to grave clothes and "a charm
ing retreat"--that Is, a coffin.
To the barber as mourners should be
added the actors, for the 100 days prohipl-
ton extends to the performance OF plays
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
Travels In Automobile.

Sheppard Friedman. business manager
for Miss Blanche Walsh. who is to APP
pear at the Jefferson theatre matinee and
night January 5, reached Birmingham
last night to complete arrangements for
the stars visit to this city
According to Mr.. Friedman Miss Walsh
is combining pleasure with business on
her trip through the south and instead
of travelling by railroad train she will
make her jumps in a 40 horsepower linz
CUISINE car which was purchased by her
in Norfolk.
Miss Walsh" said Mr.. Friedman, lis
a fresh air fiend and she prefers to go
from city to city in an automobile as
against the railroad trains"
Despite the fact many managers have
complained of bad business this year Mr..
Friedman declares Miss Walsh has had
the best season of her career, playing to
capacity houses in every place that she
has visited.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31
CHRISTIAN HINpoo WIVES.

From the New York World.
decision rendered by the president
of the British probate court sustaining
a marriage contracted by a Hindoo with
an English girl is of interest in this
country, in view of the increasing immi-
grafton from India and our growing rela-
tionshp with Mohammedan peoples in the
Far East.
The marriage in question took place at
a registry office in England in 1890 be-
tween a Hindoo who is now a judge in
the Madras civil service and an English
woman whom he had met at dancing
class. The husband returned to India,
where he has since remained except for
two visits to England, meantime sending
remittances for the support of his wife
and child. The announcement that he
was about to marry in India was the oc-
casion of the wifes suit to secure legal
separation.
The validity of the marriage was at
tackled by the defense, which submitted
evidence to show that being Hindoo
of high caste the defendant could not
marry Christian, the native law sane
tioning only marriages between persons OF
the same caste. Brahman with Brahman,
ETC., and that therefore his marriage
with the Englishwoman would In India
be regarded as invalid and the children
of the union illegitimate.
The court, with no direct precedent
to guide its decision, holds that where
tht marriage of an Englishwoman
with a Hindoo, contracted in England, Is
intended as a homogeneous union, no
subsequent polygamous union can be rec
ognized by the courts. Unfortunately the
decision of an English judge does not
necessarily affect the status of Hindoo
in his own country, and the question
of an English wife's marriage in India
remains undetermined. But the decision
is important as indicating the caution TO
be exercised by woman of CHRISTIAN
faith in entering into marriage inVoiV-
ing such jeopardy of her rights as
wife, and it emphasizes the need Oh
uniform system of marriage laws for the
subject races of nations engaged IN
career of Imperialism.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31
LIFE OF DEEP-sEA FISH.

From the New York Herald.
Fish that inhabit the depths of the sea
beyond the penetration of daylight depend
largely in their search for prey on the
senses of hearing and smell. One would
think they would have no use for eyes at
all; but nature has provided some of them
with organs for the emission of phosphor-
escent light, and in some cases the eye
itself performs the double service or illu-
mination and vision There Is thus a Zee
BILE light in those gloomy depths. An ex-
animation of the brains of some OF those
creatures made recently in Germany by
DIR. Trojan shows that the conformation
of this organ, as well as the distribution
of nerves, favors the senses OF smell ana
hearing. The feeble development OF the
critic lobes and nerves indicates that VS.
ion is imperfect, while the powerful oirac-
tory and auditory nerves. the huge ear
stones, and the size of the corresponding
,,ra,n centers show what a preponderant
part is played by sounds and smells N
the mental life, If such 1t can be caiied
If jewellers in the marine abysses.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31
FOUR QUARTS A DAY.
saIoonkeeper Tells of Remarkable
Capacity" of Patrons.

From "The Experience and Observations
of a New York Saloon Keeper" in jan
uary Mcclure's.
Some of my regular patrons habitually
consumed their four quart bottles of
whisky a day, not reckoning the beer, etc.
that they drank besides. One, two, or
three bottle men I counted by the score
among my regular customers. And 1t
seemed to me that the character of their
toll made hardly any difference. There
were, for instance, many marble cutters
living in my district. Their hours were
not long; their labor was not exhausting;
their pay was very good. Yet nearly all
of them. had disippated habits On the
other hand, there were hard working
teamsters, furniture movers, carpenters,
bricklayers, etc, who were comparatively
temperate.
There were curious types among them
One bricklayer, man earning good
wages, on coming home Saturday, always
provided literally for his family. Then
his mind freed of that responsibility, he
would issue forth, dressed in his best
clothes, on a GLORIOUS drunk" He
would return home late Sunday night or
early Monday morning. with not cent
left. This was his practice, regular as
clockwork When intoxicated, this man
buttonholed everybody, paid for drinks
for his auditors, and told rambling stories
that had neither beginning nor end. BY
his baleful eye he held men spell bound,
like the Ancient Mariner, for hours and
hours.
Then there was a teamster, Reynolds by
name. He spent all his wages on drink.
His weekly earnings probably averaged
SIS; on Sunday nights he never had
cent left. His clothes hung about him
in tatters and he wore neither socks nor
A little German there was, cripple,
pale and thin. This man was an expert
piano mover, despite his dwarish size. He
was always drunk or half drunk; always
smiling, clipper and in good humor. He
drank like a fish, oceans of beer, and
never seemed to eat anything,
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31
SURPRISED at RlrmInaham.

birmingham easily gives a stranger
the impression that this is a town of
10000 people," said a travelling man. "A
man can scarcely believe the census fig
ures if they give this city anything less
when the census is taken in 1910.
Not only the well-bullt business struc-
lures and the big work now under way
give this impression but the crowds on
the streets sem to indicate that Birming-
ham is really metropolitan community.
One of the things that struck me particu-
larly today was the jewelry stores in
Birmingham. 1 believe have never Wis
tied a city of this size where the jew
elry establishments were so handsome
and carried such handsome stocks. 1
understand the stocks are now largely de-
ple.ed as a result Of the holiday trade, but
I was amazed at the displays which 1
saw in several of the stores today"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31
THE ToILERs.

Dreams-dreams-drea
OF the things that we yet may do,
But the present pain seems an endless
chain,
Real and true.
And some of us dream of temples,
While the roof Says overhead,
And some of the gold that witch fore
told
While we fight for bread
Dreams-yain dreams!-
OF the things that we yet may be;
Yet the worst and best ahve gone to rest
And SO shall we.
And some of us dream of glory,
While the sword hangs by a thread,
or little fame, a remembered name,
When we are-dead!
And none has returned to tell us
If dreams may alter Fate;
Yet we toll and try, bequeath and die,
The rest-can wait!
by Stephen Chalmers.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31
Life Too Easy There, In the Opinion
of a Student From Missouri.
From The university Missourian.

From the University Missourian.
Morrison Beal Giffen, a Missouri college
union scholar at the University of Mis-
souri, last year and now a Rhodes scholar
at Oxford, has written an interesting let
ter to the head of the Cosmopolitan club
in Columbia, of which he was charter
member and the first chairman.
Mr.. Giffen says that during the last
two months he has been kept busy pre-
pairing for an examination which he must
take before the Christmas holidays.
oxford has a peculiar system of exam
nation. There are three examinations
only during the entire course, one for en-
trance one in the middle of the course
and one at the end
Life is very easy at Oxford-perhaps
too easy-thinks Giffen. There are serv-
ants for everything. A days programme
begins at 7:30 o'clock in the morning,
when a servant wakes the student and
gets his bath ready. Breakfast is brought
into the room at $3.50 o'clock.
From o'clock to noon the student is
supposed to study. At / o'clock light
lunch is brought into his room. At 2
o'clock he goes out for physical exercise
any may not return until about 5. Then
comes the afternoon tea, to which one
usually invites friend
Dinner is served at o'clock in the
common dining room, where students and
teachers dine together. The place in
which Giffen has dinner is a big fine room
with high ceiling. The sides are pam
neled in oak and hung with the portraits
of ancient benefactors of the college. The
silver used at the table is from 50 to 800
years old. After dinner the students
usually go out to amuse themselves.
Giffen will spend his Christmas holidays
in Germany.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES

published a collection of his poems.
The book is from the press of Roberts
& Son and presents handsome ap-
pearance. The larger part of the
volume Is devoted to a romantic poem
entitled "'Twixt the Cup and the Lip"
which has a scholarly flavor and shows
much craftsmanship. Miscellaneous
verse on various themes is included in
the book, which is gracefully dedicated
to George NJ. Cruikshank by the au-
thor
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
from the New York Press.

From the New YORK Press.
job never had to endure having a poem
read to him from manuscript.
1t always seems the height Of impu-
dence in man to be smarter than we
are.
Nobody ever has his feelings hurt by
being taken for rich man when he isn't.
Man can experiment with life in an in
finite variety of ways; he has to take
death as he finds 1t.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31
PUBLIC AND THE ACTOR

tude as did Richard Mansfield and Henry
Irving, whose conspicuous mannerisms
made them prey to the wits, and some-
times of the witness. Yet these two great
actors did more for their respective coun-
tries in promoting the drama than was
done by any two of their respective con-
temporaries.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31
About Persons.

C. e. Wilson, the prominent merchant
of Russellville, who is we'll known all over
the state, is registered at the Hillman. Mr..
Wilson states that business in Northern
Alabama is beginning to hum again.
Jack Crawford, the well known and
popular member of the legislature from
Walker county is at the Florence. Mr..
Crawford did not discuss the rumor that
he may enter the next race for COVER
nor.
w. S. Thorington, dean of the law
school at the University of Alabama, was
registered last night at the Florence.
Judge Hightower, a well known citizen
of Sylacauga, is at the Morris.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31
THE FATE OF A scoFFER.

THE FATE OF A sCOFFER.
what Goes it all amount to-"
The eynic still must ask
My vanished dream of competence,
My fruitless daily task?
The hopes / had of getting on
And standing at the top,
The proud impulses of my youth
I've long since had to drop?
What boots this weary round of cares,
The heartache and turmoil,
The endless strife in crowded ways,
Where slaves of fortune moil?
The tears the anguish of defeat,
The blooms that withered lie,
The friends of yesterday who pass
With cold, averted eye?
what does it all amount tor
The unproductive grind,
The quest of honors profitless,
The goal we never find?
The envy and the bitterness,
The pangs of jealousy,
The futile striving of a soul
Impatient to be free?
What boots the miser's thirst for gold,
The dreamer's dream of fame?
The high emprise of lofty hearts,
LIES weakness and its shame?"
One answer to his senseless cry
Doth wisdom deign to give
'Poor fool, it means you've thrown away
The chance you had to livel'
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31

The Index Theodorus in the library
of Congress may be interesting to the
New Zealander who is writing up our
Augustus 1000 years hence.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31

+ Governor-elect Hadley says the
Waters-Pierce company must undergo
a change of heart as we'll as change
of name before it can go ahead in Mis-
souri,
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31

Andrew Carnegie is said to be acting
as the Spreckles of Pittsburg He IS
said to have subscribed $3.50, 900 toward
the prosecution of that city's grafters
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31

The Missouri honkers who consume
gasoline may desire to be shown a
new source of supply.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31

The Herald Square theatre in New
York took fire just as the audience was
going out, having got its moneys
worth.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31

The people of Washington anticipate
a quiet Christmas next year, and they
feel a bit sorry for Africa
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31

1t begins to appear that mark
Twain, Incorporated, would be a re-
straint of funny business, and there
fore unconstitutional.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31

The moral of the assault on the
President of France is plain-don't
wear chin whiskers that can be pulled.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31

Mark Twain, 1t is feared, caught the
trust idea from his friend Henry
Rogers.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31

King Edward got in his sock a $12,.
900 motor car as a Christmas present,
and his sock has not since been a good
fir
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31
ALL IN THE FAMILY.

"Those two gilrs are revoted to each
other"
$50 it appears"
"And yet, they love the same man."
"Oh impossible"
mot at all; the man is their father"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31
POOR. BILL JONES

POOR BILL JONES.
Bill Jones was like his FELLOWSHIP
Declared he'd quit strong drink;
Such firm resolves no rarity
The devil tipped a wink
And smiled knowing smile-alas,
Old Satan knew Bill Jones,
Who tried but never could let pass
A chance to soak his bones!
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31
THE VALLEY ROAD.

THE VALLEY ROAD.
Who takes the valley road
May find no wealth's increase,
But the days to his heart
Quiet joys will impart
And he'll live his life in peace.
Who takes the valley road,
Nor ever longs to climb
To the dizzy peaks
Fond ambition seeks,
VIII be happy all the time,
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31

Mark Twain as joke trust is a new
departure.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31

The Christmas present that never
came was of course in that stolen mail
pouch.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31
A BOOK OF POEMS.

Samuel L. Robertson, whose work as
an educator has made him widely
known in the state, has recently had
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31
A poLEFUL PROSPECT.

a DOLEF Vi PftUbPECI.
Wish, wish, wish,
Will wishes e'er come true?
Now the pessimists think
That the worlds on the blink
And we won't be here when they dol
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31

The man who stole a mail pouch of
Christmas presents is a disappointed
man.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31

Castro is slowly but surely mending
privately and subsiding publicly.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31

Henry W. Poor is trying to live up 70
his name.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31

Pittsburg's eouncilmen were pur-
chased at a discount for job lots.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31

The new worlds champion cannot
afford to draw the color line.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31

Castro did not buy return ticket.
He has sense like a horse.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31
SYMPATHY.

SYMPATHY.
IT'S, oh. for a word that comes from
the heart
AS we grope in the shadow land,
And oh, for shield from sorrows dart
And the clasp of friendly hand!
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31

Castro may yet go to Curacao to
grow up as an insurgent in Venezuelan
affairs.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31

Holland and DR.. Israel are now in a
combine to cut up Castro.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31
THE LUNCH HOUR.

''where are you going in such hurry?"
I'm going against bowl of soup and
I'm backing myself to VIM"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31
OPTIMISM I'M MEXICO.

We had a nice little dust storm yester-
day, which took the place of snow and
made it appear more like Christmas
Torreon, Mexico, Enterprise.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31

q spy" is a popular game among the
secret service sleuths.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-12-31
PRECISELY

PRECISELY.
'Only common people die in China"
'Still, the result is the same"