The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1908-01-10
BIDDY MEETS
A DIVORCE DETECTIVE
BY Nellie Breen

THAT was an awful racket We heard
in the back yard last night. What was
it?" asked Mrs. Youngwife one morn
ing, seating herself in the sunny kitch-
en- for chat while Biddy Flynn was
ironing.
1T wuz on'y Rover interviewin' an
amatoor detective" replied Biddy.
What was an amateur detective do
ing in our back yard?
THAT wuz jist tn pint thut puzzled
Rover. Ye see, 'twuz like this, mum"
the girl explained. Mister Baxter, tn
mon / wuz workin' fer afore | cum
here, is afther gettin' divorce frum
his wife. He's maxim behave she mis-
conducted hersilf wunst whin he wuz
in N Yark, so stint defective over
here T. infarm me ov ut, bein' es he
wants me t swear t ut"
But she didn't misconduct herself,
did she?" querisd Mrs. Youngwife.
90 coorse not" Biddy retorted, but
| wadn't be tillin' tn defective thot. 1t
'ud do more good t tell tn jedge. So
| jist lets on ez how | wadnt be sayin'
innything WHATEVER fer fear O. bein'
liable fer domages."
How did you come to set the dog
on him? Tell me all about It" Mrs.
Youngwife begged.
"Whin l wuz dhryin' me dinner
dishes last night" began the girl, Il
hears a knock at tn dure an whin
open ut, in steps wan o these free an
aisy gints that owns all tn arth nd
most O. tn hivins.
i TIN a frind O. Missus Bakers,
says he, AN | just drapped in to see
If you could give me inny infermashun
that would help wild her SCOT.
An thin he arsks QUESTIONS about
how long | warked there ana SIGH nd
| answers all right till he arsks whin
l seen Missus Baxter last. Thin l
begun t be 'fraid he'd git me in a
corner where l couldn't git out wild
out lettin' on | knowed who STINT him,
so | jist speaks up suddint like nd
says I'm scarf t answer inny more
QUESTIONS fer fear O. bein' liable fer
domages.
You can't be liable fer domages,
II you heven't inny propurty says he.
who's sayin' l amt got no prop
urty?' says l.
"'Well, even if you have says he
you can't be liable if you tell on'y tn
thruth!'
"Indade, l can, says l. Tim Ma
lony tould only the truth about Pat
Finnegan, an Pat had him up fer a
matther o. two hundrid dollars
THAT wuz because Maloney could
MT prove his assarshuns,' says he.
AN how wad | be provin whin
seen Missus Baxter?' says |.
You won't have t prove Ut says
he, an | could see he wuz beginnin
t git riled but if you won't answer 8
few simple QUESTIONS I'll find way tC
make you, says he.
How en- ye make me talk If III
not be dcin' ut?' says l.
I'll have we subpaned,' says he.
"Ysll hev me what?'
You'll be subpaned!
Holy mither! What's thot?
says l.
y
he, an yell be brought into coort, n
thin if you won't talk tn jedge 'ull put
you in prism
"Ah, g'wan wild ye, says l. 'Ye
can't git put in prism in this country
unless we steal er kill some wan.
Ives, you can, says he. 'Ye can
be put in prism fer gittin' drunk.
|. I've seen minny mon git dhrunk
an they didn't put i'm in prism at all
at ALL
That's because he wasn't arristed
says he.
Faith, an it's quare law says l.
soomtimes we en- do thing an thin
agin we can't, so I'd best be doin' nav
thin at all, an thin | won't be Liable
fer domages.
Thin he let go his timper intoirely
an used tn langwidge, mum, O.
wadn't repate { ye, an | loost IL
dog Ye heared tn rist. On'y he'll.
not be cummin t Biddy Flynn fe.
inny more infermashun about Missu-
Baxter"
II thought it was a dog tight. Isn't
it too bad, though, the Baxters have
all that trouble?" said Mrs. Young
wife, thoughtfully. she's such lice
little woman. But it's what MI 4 be
expected when people make sub i'll
assorted marriages. That fine-l oking
Judge Howard who lives acre ) -
street is going to marry woman who
has been divorced twice, and is not
even pretty"
It's tn way o. tn world, mum, es
me ould fayther used to say. Luv is
loike a butther-ny-ut lights on a
weed es oftin es on a daisy!"
But the Judge is too old TO be SO
| much in love-"
He is" agreed Biddy. Happen ut
goes like tn masles though-th' cuider
we gifts ut tn harder we has ut. How
liver, III say this fer ut-ef ye wanst
has tn jinuine disase good n hard
yere not like t git ut agin. 1t RESIN
bles death thot way"