The daily tribune., 1908-11-02
Deacon Fosters
Grab Bag
u wss . sis Surprise to All prsssn,

mad Just hidden the cheese and put
| tho cracker barrel behind the counter
In anticipation of the usual Saturday
night crowd, when Sam Stiles saun-
| tered in with his molasses jug and
kerosene can.
Hello. Sam" cried the proprietor
In glad hand voice. 'How's things
down your way? By ther way, Sam,
what was goin' on at ther church fair
Thursday night? | hear as how Deacon
Foster got all excited like an said thet
while prayin' was all right there was
times when it wouldn't fill ther bill
like good ole cussin.'?"
He was goin some" answered Sam
with reflective smile, and fer a
while everybody was kind O. feared
thet he would bust ther harness or
dish wheel. Ye see ther deacon Is
full o schemes fer collectin' money
fer ther church. an when 1t was kind
o noised around the he was goin' ter
spring somethin new at ther fair
everybody hiked fer ther town hall.
Purity soon ther deacon come in
with his new scheme, which looked
ioi Oil tue Woilu Hhe tWo-DuShei
bag o pertaters, an after ther par
son had made few remarks fer ther
benefit O. their sinners what was still
holdin' back. ther deacon stepped up
on ther platform.
Dear brothers an beloved sisters,
said he In his hoss tradin' voice. 1
hev arranged somethin' new fer your
Adi ton 81.
reason ter believe thet 1t will be ther
sensation o ther evening In this bag
are several carefully wrapped pack.
ages, an fer ther small sum o. FIVE
c1nts ye will be permitted ter grab
any one ye like. which O. course must
be opened In full view o. ther audi
ence. All ther packages Is useful as
well as ornamental, an some o them
will make ye feel like claspin' hands
an singin' songs o praise. Now then.
who will be the first to take pack
age from ther grab bag?'
"All hands kind O. baked bashful.
like fer while, but purity son 81
Gimp was coaxed ter start ther game.
and from ther gingerly way thet he
might hev thought he was monkeyin'
with hornets nest. 81 wouldn't open
1t, an Mandy, thinkin' thet 1t might
be candy, got on ther job herself In
jes two seconds she had ther paper
tore on. an instead O candy she found
she had nursin' bottle like mother
used ter use. First she blushed
then she turned red, and then she
blushed again.
In ther meantime ther Ladies' aid
acted as II they was shocked, an ther
parson glanced at ther deacon an said
he was surprised. Their deacon said
he was surprised, too, an offered a
pan o scrapple when he killed hogs
to anyone who would tell him how
ther nursin' bottle got inter the bag.
Nobody made bid fer ther pan O.
scrapple. an when ther deacon had
argued himself inter good standin
agin an Mandy found she wasn't half
as mad ~ she thought she was, the
grab bag game went on. Their parson
put up Ave cents an made a grab, an
- did one O. ther Ladies' aid an Dave
Sleeper. All three O. them started
ter open ther packages at the same
time, an when ther returns was count
ed ther parson had a half pint O
whisky, ther Ladies' aid sister had a
deck O. cards, an Dave Sleeper had 4
lot o poker chips.
We'll. sir ye jes oughter seen tbet
crowd. Their nursin' bottle was bad
,rh l..,s hnIf .t,.t.
eIceedin' ther speed limit, an ther
way them distracted sisters tried to
throw = l0-horse power faint on Ave
pounds o steam was a sight ter see.
even II ye had ter take a knothole in
thsr fence instead o. ther grandstand
Them thet wasn't tryin' ter faint was
! maxim = noise thet sounded like big
| talk. One o them was marchin'
around like George Washington, An
other was smellin o. ther parsons
half pint ter see II II was ther real
stun, an still another was tellin' her
husband what she would do ter the
, teacon's face II she was man.
As soon ss he was able to move
without help ther parson made an
other dive fer ther grab bag without
putin up ther nickel an out come
more chips. more cards an another
half pint or two. Then the parson
had few things ter say thet didn't
include ther Doxology or Benediction,
an told the deacon in plain words
thet he was bum citizen to talk
about savin sinners. This made ther
deacon as hot as the middle OF Au.
gust.
He declared thet what he put In thet
bag was Testaments, candy. an that
some dod.blastod heather thet he was
goin' to wallup first an fergive after.
ward. had played a Joke on him. with
his coat on an sleeves rolled up, ther
deacon WAS 30 conyincin' thet ther
! parson and Ladies' aid believed what
he told them. an Jes' as soon as he
had been taken back inter ther fold
an called dear brother agin'. he pick.
| ed nm "A fence Rlat and aturtod ,.,