The Democratic advocate., 1908-01-17
FRIDAY AFTERNOON, JANUARY II. 1901
Seleet Story.
NEW YEAR IRRESOLUTONS.
BY HELEN ROWLAND.


the mantel-piece, ''to know where to begin
reforming yourself?'
"Great heavens p exclaimed the bache-
lor, ''you are not going to do anything
like that, are your
The widow pointed solemnly to the
hands of the clock, which indicated 1.3O,
and then to the calendar, on which hung
one fluttering leaf marked December 81.
"It is time she sighed, "to begin
mental house cleaning; to sweep out our
collection Of last years follies and dust off
our petty sins and fling away our old vices
and"
"Thats the troubler' broke in the
bachelor. "It's so hard to know just
what to throw away and what to keep.
Making New Years resolutions is like
doing the spring house. cleaning or clearing
out drawer full of old letters and senti
mental rubbish. You know that there
are lots of things you ought to get rid Of,
and that are just in the way, and that you
would be better off without, but the min
ute you make up your mind to part with
anything, even tiny, insignificant vice,
it suddenly becomes so dear and attractive
that you repent and begin to take new
interest in it. The only time [ ever had
to be taken home in cab was the day af-
ter 1 promised to sign the pledge" and
the bachelor sighed reminiscently.
"And the only time l ever overdrew my
bank account" declared the widow, "was
the day after had resolved to economize.
1 suppose" she added pensively, "that
the best way to begin would be to pick out
the worst vice and discard that. -
"And that will leave heaps of room for
the others and for lot of new little sins,
besides, won't it?' agreed the bachelor
cheerfully "Well," he added philosophi-
cally, "Pll give up numbering
.'Whatr' the widow started
''Don't you want me tor asked the
bachelor plaintively, rubbing his bald spot.
cor perhaps might resolve not to COM
init highway robbery any more or to stop
forging Or
''All of which is so easy," broke in the
widow sarcastically.
"There' be some glory and some reason
in giving up big vice." sighed the bach
elor, eff fellow had one. But the
trouble is that most of us men haven any
big criminal tendencies, merely heap of
little follies and weaknesses that there
isn't any particular harm in keeping"
"And which you always do keep, in
spite of all your New Years VOWS" re-
marked the widow ironically.
"Huhl" The bachelor laughed cyni-
cally. ''It's our New Years VOWS that
help us to keep 'em. The very fact that
a fellow has sworn to i;'rego anything,
whether it's habit Or il girl, makes it
more attractive. I've thrown away
whole box of cigars with the finest inten-
tions in the world and then gotten up in
the middle of the night to fish the pieces
out of the waste basket. And that mid
night smoke was the sweetest L ever had.
1t was sweeter than the apples stole when
I was kid and the kisses | stole when"
:1f you came here to dilate ON the joys
Of sin, Mr.. Travers," began the widow
coldly.
"And, proceeded the bachelor, ''I've
made up my mind to stop flirting with a
girl, because found out that she was be-
ginning to-to-''
~ understand" interrupted the widow
sympathetically.
"And, by jove!' finished the bachelor,
81 had to restrain myself to keep from
going back and proposing to her!''
elbow lucky you didF' commented the
widow witheringly.
:'But wouldn't have, explained the
bachelor ruefully, eff the girl had re-
strained herself"
"Neverthelsss," repeated the widow.
''It was lucky-for the girl
(Which girl2' asked the bachelor.
"The girl I broke off with or the girl that
came afterward2
'I suppose" )" mused the widow ignor-
ing the levity and leaning over to arrange
a bunch of violets at her belt, ''that is
why it is so difficult for man to keep a
promise or voW-even marriage vow."
"Oh, don't know The bachelor
leaned back and regarded the widows cor
onet braid through the smoke of his cigar.
cit isn't the marriage vows that are so
difficult to keep. It's the fool vows man
makes before marriage and fool promises
he makes afterward that he stumbles over
and falls down on. The marriage VOWS
are so big and vague that you can get all
around them without actually breaking
them, but if they should interpolate con-
crete questions into the service such as.
DO you, William, promise not to growl at
the coffee
"Or, DO you, Mary, promise never to
put daub Of powder on your nose
sgain2" broke in the widow.
"Nor to look twice at your pretty stem
ographer, continued the bachelor.
"Nor to lie about your age, or your
foot or your waist measure"
stNor to juggle with the truth when |
ever you stay out after half-past ten.''
''Nor to listen to things that-that any,
body-except your husband may say to
you in the conservatory-oh I see how it
feelsl" finished the widow with sym-
pathetic little shudder.
Sand yet" reflected the bachelor, ga
woman is always exacting VOWS and |
promises from the man she loves, always
putting up bars--for him to jump over;
when if she would only leave him alone he
would be perfectly contented to stay with
In bounds and Craze in his own pasture.
A man hates to be pinned down; but
woman doesn't want anything around that
she can t pin down, from her belt and her
theories to her hat and her husband
"Well," protested the widow studying
the toe Of her slipper, lit is satisfaction
to know you We got your husband fastened
on straight by his promises and held in
place by his own VOWS and that he loves
you enough to-
aUsually' interrupted the bachelor,
- man loves you in inverse ratio to his