davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-08-22
AYHNWKER .yOTS

Possibly to show that turpentine,
taken internally. is harmless, q child
at Clahin drank a liberal quantity Of
1T and is doing nicely.
John Drake is just goose enough
to run for office on the Democratic
ticket in Morris county this year." re-
marks Charley Blakesley.
Here's another pun from the Leaven-
worth Post: 1t is to be hoped that
the dog catchers will not forget their
duties, but keep pounding away.
The Belleville Freeman says that
there Is hardly a paper in the state
that Is not really eating some crow
since the primary election and candidly
admits that 1t Is one of them.
Liberal has set it's mark to be the
best town in the state west of Hutch
inson- Liberal has chosen good pat
tern to work from, is the modest
thought of the Hutchinson News.
Walt Mason. Of the Emporia Gazette.
is clamoring for a ball team in that
town. The Salina Journal, wised up a
bit by some experience. gives him a tip
that he is stirring up an awful COB of
trouble that he will be unable to es-
cape if it comes.
Garden City evidently believes in TAX
ing time by the forelock. She is plan
withstanding the fact that only one
railroad enters the town. This union
depot. however. is being mapped out to
accommodate the railroads which Gar
den City has In prospect.
Inasmuch as the people generally are
not successful mind readers the
chances are that the attendance at the
| fair to be held in Ell Dorado win not
| be extensive. The Republican assures
| everybody that the fair there will be
| grand success. but it fails to tell
when 1t will be held -,-.- 7-fs-.
81 am going to incorporate" the VIM
| land Vine quotes John Brassf1eld as
| saying, II heartily agree with the de-
! cision of Judge Grosscup that you can
not fine corporation more than Its
| capital stock. I would like to see any
old police Judge fine me dollar and
| costs If I was incorporated for 81
cents
The Howard Courant says: "A mar
out on route who used to be a great
| horse trader and had the reputation OF
skinning everybody who tried to match
| swap with him. Joined church some
time ago and will no longer trade
horses. But he still likes to brag on
| what he used to do in that line, and
| to any of his old time victims anything
on what he has swtndled them out OF
| in the past"
In order to show that the story
does not always end the same. the
Marquette Tribune prints this: Up In
Michigan the other day. q woman was
playing tennis. While playing she lost
a valuable diamond ring. The next
day she decided to have chicken fol-
the dead chickens, the first thing she
discovered was six grasshoppers, a
tumble bug, a measuring worm and q
bottlef1Y.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-08-22

a witness against himself. Should thia
railroad view OF the matter stand. II
is obvious that employees will again be
at the mercy of the railroads In the
matter of hours of service. much to
their own detriment, and to the men
ace of the travelling public.
Yet on the face of it. 1t looks as II
setting a railroad to report its own
violations of law or orders Of the COM
merce commission, punishable GRIM
inally. is an infringement Of a consti-
tutionally guaranteed right. But what
other way has the commerce commits
sion of compelling the railroads to
observe the law? 1t can hardly en-
gage an army of inspectors to keep
watch on every railroad in the coun-
airy.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-08-22

der Hains-Annis uffair,-und I gif i'd
to der said atfertiser gratis; word Won
like dis: Der egselendt pistol pragtis
acquired in der Army. enables Won to
ge-shoot hiss vife's chendleman friend
In a skinetiffik manner"
Der only drouble NIT Dokter Crum-
bine, es a atfertiser. ISIS dot he hates to
lose der feirst edition. Fer instance,
he atfertises dot he hat pinched a car
load uf beer ad Fort Riley. In hiss
hurry he forgot to pull ouf der deal
before issuing der aftertisemendt. und
he lost der cargo alder der noos vas
published. Uf he had waited. We could
hat vorded i'd, "Dolxter Crumbine al
mosd pinches a car uf peer
Carrie Nation iss differendt from
oder folks vich gedt into chaiL She
alwayss gedts oudt.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-08-22
QUAKER MEDITATIoNs.

Iron the Philadelphia Record.1
Dog days.
Down In front-A budding mus
tache.
The rolling stone is never on the
level.
You can't always measure a good
time by the price.
Misfortune il always ready to re-
spond to an encore
A man can't hold his own unless he
can hold his own tongue.
No, Maude. dear: freezing polite
ness is not restricted to the iceman.
Our good intentions should be hot
stuff. He'll L. paved with them.
Keep your troubles to yourself II
you don't want them to expand.
wigg-"Bjones shutters, doesn't
hep" wagg-''Not when he Is trying
to put In Q good word for himself"
Blobbs-"Matinee girls are bad
eggs" Slobbs-"Oh, / wouldn't say
that" Blobbe-'Well, they are al
ways getting mashed on cheap ac-
tors"
Ne1l-"Mrs. Buggins has a naturally
bad temper. and her husband aggra-
Yates It 30" Belle-'Why, he seems
a most peacsabis sort Of person"
NeiI-'That just It. It makes her
mad to think that he won't get mad
1t her.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-08-22

gerino." ansers Rir Clancy der hobo
Led us make a mob-sky," sayss der
Rushing. Sure" sayss Clancy, und
dey go oudt der streed in. stand On q
gedt larch collection uf buns. Den
dey ge-stardt. Der Rushing, vot hat
nod god brains enuff to savoy der
mechanical works uf a shot gun, dakes
axe. und some uf dem gedt sledge
hammers und bullpup pistols. Down
init der nigseros." dey hollers In sefen
lankwiches. Den dey rob two sallonss
und departmental store. killing der
niggero chanitor vich hat more money
In der benk do den der whole bunch Ut
dem. Down NIT der black deffiis. :"
dey yell some more, und kill a old vite-
yingp. vot hat der rumatissum. Aboudt
here iss we're der program iss marked,
''refreshmendts," so dey rob a nodder
saloon, und kill der porter. vich tries
to turn in der fire alarm.
Der show ISIS closed later, ven der
Stats militia ge-shoots sefen vimmins
und sex kinder NIT Citing gun. ind
der grand chury indites all der mig
geros vich got away.
Mob Violence, Looie. ISIS Won uf der
greadt nnd ge-lorious institooshuns
pecooliar to our own coundry. Armed
NIT a cheap bistol, und backed py a
gang uf hiss mental equales, der
mobist vendts fort mi der honesd con-
wiction dot he can rob more storess in
a gifen space uf time den any uf hiss
associates. He knowss -nodings aboudt
der case in hand, egsept der case uf
champagne he svipes from der buffy.
He yells down nit der niggeros." ven
he means, down NIT cash registers,
und op NIT der free drinks" Mean
vile, der few honesd relatifs und
friends Ut der woman, fails to gedt der
niggero dey vandt, und iss ashamed uf
der disturbance vich follers.
Mob violence iss all right, some
dimes. Looie, perhaps, but der words,
"a larch mob, melted to righteous
frenzy" iss Won uf der worst chokes
efer set down In print. Aboudt a
deutzen uf dem hat der light. und der
resd hat q burning APPETITE to steal
someding.
But pefore dey are trough nit dis
Struggled uffair. some uf dem will be
in chail. Hoping dis will md You der
same Looie, / remain HANS.
Der guffernmendt ISIS atfertising fer
recruits in der army. Here iss q tip,
to der guffernmendt atfertising achent,
vich hat gadder from a peroosel Ut
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-08-22

Guaranteeing bank deposits is one
of the main planks in the Democratic
national platform and Mr.. Bryan Is
going to pay particular attention to it
during the campaign, opening his ora
forical guns on it for the first time
when he makes his speech in Topeka.
Fred Quincy, the state senator from
salina, who introduced a measure of
Ibis sort in the Kansas legislature, in
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-08-22
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
from the New York Press.1

GFrom the New York Press.J
Most mems idea of being well dress
ed is a loud necktie.
There's nothing that makes q fat
woman grow fatter like putting on q
bathing suit.
Every time a girl meets a man who
isn't married she thinks he's trying to
be to her.
What people like about a notion
that doesn't mean anything Is they can
call 1t an inspiration.
One Of the most useful things about
relatives 10 how much they teach Won
to appreciate your friends.
We sometimes love Q man Cor the
enemies he has made. but not when
he = his own worst enemy.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-08-22

Few girls are as pretty as their
mothers think they are.
\ \
The writing of poetry is not so
much of profession as it Is a disease.
\ n y
Unless a man is employed In q
boiler shop, or near one, the confusion
and noise incident to an afternoon tea
is apt to annoy him.
- n
Most young folks must think they
are bright and shining lights from
their inclination to carry on courtships
in the dark.
1t would be a waste of time for
most girls to have fellows arrested for
kissing them. Any jury would acquit
the offenders for cause.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-08-22

A good beginning has been made by
the special grand jury at Springfield,
Ill. in placing the blame for the riots
and disorders which have recently dis
graced that town. No let up in the
work of this body should be permitted
to occur until everybody who was re-
sponsible in any way for the disorders
10 charged with a crime commensurate
with his or her activities. If full JUS
tice 10 done the number of malefactors
will run into hundreds
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-08-22
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
HOME NEWS WHILE AWAY.

Subscribers of the State journal
sway during the summer may havr
the paper mailed regularly each day
90 any address at the rate OF ten cents
. week or thirty cents a month (by
mail only.) Address changed as often
as desired. While out OF town the
State Journal viii be TO you like .
daily letter from home.
Advance payment Is requested on
these short time subscriptions, to save
bookkeeping expenses.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-08-22
THE GREATER PRospDfr

THE GREATER PROSPECT.
It's very true that in the next
Three months or so the Eayety
or nations viii improve with its
Accustomed spontaneity,
And entertain the laity
With politics and their hub-bub-
But think OF all the candidates
VIII Join the Ananias Club.
It's true that we shall once again
REJOICE to hear the platitudes
OF party faith by orators
From this and other latitudes
And mark their classic attitudes
While statesmen with the masses rub
But think OF all the candidates
VIII Join the Anan,as Club
The love they will profess for US,
And with what great solemnfty
They WIN assure US from abuse
An adequate Indemnity,
Appealing to our enmity
The while the drums go rub-de-bub.
And they go marching on before
Into the Ananias Club.
st. Louis Post-Dispatch.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-08-22

There seems to be a question in
New York state as to what to do con-
rerning the nomination of a Repub-
iican candidate for governor. This
question, however. is not bothering
the hoi polloi of the party. They are
unreservedly for the denomination of
Governor Hughes. 1t is merely wor-
rying the machine leaders of the par
ty who are allied with the race track
and gamblings interests as well as with
the notorious public service corpora
lions in the state which have felt the
lash of Justice from the fearless
Hughes. But by the time the state
convention rolls around these leaders
will bow to the inevitable demand of
the people and renominate Mr.. Hughes
If they do not the chances of Republi-
can success IN the Empire state this
fall can be placed at q minimum.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-08-22
GLOBE SIGHTS.
(From the Atchison Globe

from the Atchison Globe.1
Was there ever lecturer who did
not come well recommended?
They talk Of blushing brides. Their
faces are red, not from blushing. but
from wtping on new towels.
When a man is sick, you hear his
woman folks say a good deal about
the difficulty of keeping him in bed.
Our idea Of a very mean man IL one
who finds fault with his wife's break
fast the morning after they are mar
ried.
three weeks, she doesn't like TO have
her husband around the house in the
daytime.
About the only compliment a mar
ried man can hope for from his wife
is she sometimes says to her kin and
friends. He is a good provtder."
Every father makes the mistake OF
thinking that after he has paid So for
music lessons, his little girl knows
enough to play when company comes.
Every girl with a strong pair of
hands and q capable brain Is an heir
ess: not the kind. probably. to be
found in novels. who dress in white
In the morning, and write checks to
send the poor in the spare moments
society allows them, but an heiress.
nevertheless.
When the young son of a king is
and whipped in his presence The
heir apparent. instead OF being pun
ished by this proceedi-- probably en-
joys 1t.
Probably there never was a man
who would not get the big head on
twenty thousand dollars. A man with
a million Is more apt to be sensible
and modest than a man with twenty
thousand.
"a matter of never ending wonder
to men is the ease with which women
behave. Put me ma place wehre
should behave particularly well, and
will behave like a foe IN my at
tempts to behave particularly WE'LL
Parson Irvine.
When a girl "wishes' on a load of
hay, it is the most insipid wish in the
world: wish for a box of caramels,
or a pair Of gloves. or something of
that kind. But when q boy 'swishes''
he wishes for something that would
make his mother snream IL she knew
II
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-08-22

That newspaper reporters are gener-
ally accommodating individuals, re-
CARELESS of opinions held to the contra
ry by some folks. is evidenced by the
fact that one of them at Lincoln played
the goat" in trying out the mule
which has been presented to Mr..
Bryan. The result. was a happy one
for the Democratic candidate. He will
know better than to try to ride the
long-eared, frisky-footed beast.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-08-22
On. of the strongest arguments in

One of the strongest arguments in
favor OF a law guaranteeing bank de-
posts is found in the "denationaliza-
ton" of several BANKS operating in
Oklahoma under federal charters and
their reorganization under the state
banking laws whereby depositors are
guaranteed the full sum of the money
they entrust to banks in the event of
their becoming insolvent
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-08-22

This much. at least, can be said in
favor of the plan of the Democrats to
gather In the shekels for the national
campaign fund. Each contributor of a
dollar or more is assured of getting
something tangible for his money. even
IL 1t Is only a handsome certificate
you can frame and hang up on the
parlor wall along with the other decor
ationss
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-08-22

After a careful reading of the speech
delivered at Wichita by jeremiah D.
Botkin, IN which he accepted the DEM
ocratic nomination for governor which
was given to him at the primaries,
one might be pardoned for thinking
that he was running for the presidency
OF the United States. His remarks were
devoted almost entirely to national
fesuaa
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-08-22

There's not much evidence Of race
suicide IN Kansas, The state has a
population of approximately 1,So0.oo
people and OF this number the school
population is 50S.s70. How many states
can make as good a showing proper
fionatefy7
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-08-22

sists that this question is decidedly a
Republican policy in Kansas and he is
going to endeavor to have it incorpor-
ated in the Republican state platform.
This is an, interesting condition of pol
itfcal affairs as we'll as a peculiar one.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-08-22
Patrons of some of the Topek,

Patrons Of some of the Topeka res
taurants have been under the impress
zion for a considerable length of time
that the proprietors of these places
were using some sort of q substitute
Tor coffee. DR.. Crumbine. secretary
OF the state board OF health. substan-
tiates this belief with the statement
that the restaurant men of this city
are using chicory instead of coffee and,
as this is unlawful. unless it is stop
ped there will be some prosecutions.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-08-22
KANSAS coAAENT
THE DUTY OF PARTY COUNCILS.

THE DUTY OF PARTY COUNCILS.
The Party Councils" will soon
meet. 1t Is up to them to saw what
their respective parties shall stand for.
1t Is new deal in the enunciation OF
party principles and it will be well for
them to begin in accordance to the
new spirit that has just manifested
Itself There is a powerful lot OF IN
dependence among the Kansas people
please and are showing an incilnation
to vote as they please. Only foolish
people can not see that.
The platforms will be more tmpor-
tant than usual. When made they
will be critically examined. If they
are ambiguous they will be unpopular;
If they are unpopular the party will
suffer. The very best and easiest way
TO make a platform Is the simplest
way. The est material to make 1t out
OF Is truth-absolute truth Let the
Republicans tell the people what they
stand for in language that is plain ana
simple and If they will tell 1t to them
sincerely and frankly they VIII win
without question by an average ma
jority.
The members Of the party council
are going to Topeka fresh from the
people. Representatives Of every leg
islatfve district are entitled to seats.
There ought to be no mistake then as
ion. as 1t was amply expressed during
the interesting campaign just closed
Wichita Eagle.
TROUBLE ABOUT DESERTERS.
The reward of $50 offered by the
war department for the apprehension
OF deserters leads to many perplexitites.
In one case the man arrested by police
officers was q deserter, but his illegal
separation from the service occurred
| five years ago, and he was not amen
able to arrest because the period OF
his liability had expired. Neverthe-
| less the arrest was made and the claim
for reward went to Washington. 1t
was there decided that fnasmuch as
| nothing could be done with the de-
serter the local officer making the
arrest Is not entitled to the reward.
The military authorities have come to
| the conclusion that something should
be done to save them the trouble Of
| controversy with police officers under
| such circumstances. and 1t is possible
| that the war department will issue for
the benefit of police authorities a cir
cular which will give full information
concerning the practice Of the depart
ment. 1t is also likely that some spe-
| cial arrangement will be made to trace
| deserters and to cause their arrest
| Leavenworth Times.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1908-09-09
DANGER IN DELAY.
Kidney Diseases Are Too Dangerous
for PcndIeton People to Neglect.

The great danger of kidney trou-
bles is that they get firm hold be-
fore the sufferer recognizes them.
Health is gradually undermined.
Backache, headache, nervousness,
lameness, soreness, lumbago, urinary
troubles, dropsy, diabetes and
Bright's disease follow in merciless
succession. Don't neglect your kid
neys. Cure the kidneys with the GER
tain and safe remedy, Doan's Kidney
Pills, which has cured people right
here in Pendleton.
Mrs. D. Coffman, living at 221
Stonewall Jackson street, Pendleton,
Ore, says: "About year ago was
having considerable trouble from Be-
we're pains through my back and FL
nally came to the conclusion that they
arose from a disordered condition Of
my kidneys, as a cold was sure to set
tie in these organs and greatly ag-
gravate my suffering. / had known
OF the merits Of Doan's Kidney Pills
for a long time and at last decided
to try them, procuring a box at the
Pendleton Drug Co. They helped me
from the first, and after had used
the contents Of one box. not a pain
or ache remained and the kidneys
were again restored to their natural
condition. / know Of others who
have used Doan's Kidney Pills with
excellent results and feel that I can
not speak tso highly in favor Of
them"
For sale by all dealers, Price so
cents. Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo,
New York, sole agents for the United
States.
Remember the name-Doan's-
and take no other.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1908-09-09
500 Reward. 500.

The readers OF this paper will be pleas.
ed to learn that there is at least one
dreaded disease that science has been able
to cure In all Its stages, and that Is Ca
tarrh. Halls Catarh Cure Is the only
positive cure now known to the medical
fraternity. Catarrh being a constitutional
disease, requires constitutional treat
ment. Halls Catarrh Cure is taken In.
ternally, acting directly upon the blood aud
mucous surfaces OF the system, thereby de
stroylng the foundation Of the disease, and
giving the patient strength by building
up the constitution and assisting nature
In doing Its work. The proprletors have
so much faith In Its curative powers that
they offer One Hundred Dollars for any
case that II fails to cure. Send for list Of
testimonials. Address:
+. ]. CHENEY & CO., Toledo, o.
Sold by all Druggists, 75c.
Take Halls Family Pills for constipa'
tlon.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1908-09-09
Northwest Fair Dates.


Following is the list OF northwest
fair dates:
Salem, Ore. Sept. 1919.
Centralia, Wash, Sept 14-19.
Glendive, Mont, Sept. 1917.
Missoula, Mont. Sept. 21-25.
Portland, Ore, Sept. 21-26.
Victoria, B. c., Sept. 1929.
Anaconda, Mont, Sept. 1926.
Marshfleld, Ore. Aug. 26-29.
Pendleton, Ore, Sept. ascot. 8.
North Yakima, Wash, Sept. 28
Oct. 3.
Helena, Mont, Sept. ascot. 3.
New Westminster, B. c., Sept. 29-
Oct. 3.
Spokane. Wash. Oct. 5-1O.
Caldwell, Idaho, Oct. 6-10.
Davenport. Wash, Oct. S-11.
Lewiston. Idaho. Oct. 1917.
Walla Walla, Wash, Oct. 1911.
Baker City, Ore. Oct. 1917.
Boise, Idaho, Oct. 1924.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1908-09-09
The grandmothers of the old DutcI

The grandmothers OF the old Dutch
Dunkard families of western Penn
sylvania have made and used "Hick-
ory Bark Cough Remedy" ana reared
their families on It for a hundred
years. Now you can buy 1t of your
dealers Ask for it and use 1t, be-
cause II Is pure; because 1t is the best
cough remedy made today Try It.
For sale by any druggist and all deal
ers everywhere. Pendleton Drug Co.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1908-09-09
They Take the Kinks Out.

81 have used DR.. Kings New Life
Pills for many years, with increasing
satisfaction. They take the kinks out
of stomach liver and bowels, without
fuss or friction" says n. II. Brown,
OF Pittsfield, VT. Guaranteed satis-
factory at Tallman & Co.'S and Pen
dleton Drug Co., 20 cents.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1908-09-09
Don't Burn Trash.

Parties Are Prohibited from start
ing fires and burning trash within the
city limits during the present dry
period as they endanger property to
loss by fire. BY order of
j. L. VAUGHAN,
Chief Fire Department.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1908-09-09

Kodol will, in a very short time,
enable the stomach to do the work 1t
should do, and the work 1t should do
is to digest all the food you eat. 1t
makes the stomach sweet and 1t Is
pleasant to take It Is sold here by
Tallman & Co.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1908-09-09

Kennedys Laxative Cough Syrup
does not constipate like most of the
fashioned cough cures, but on the
other hand 1t gently moves the bow
els and at the same time heals irri-
tation and allays inflammation of the
throat. Sold by Tallman & Co.