The Washington herald., 1908-01-19
MARIA'S MIDNIGHT LECTURES
LECTURE NO. 20.

to you at u O'Clock on Saturday night
why, it hardly seems as If you'd been
sick at all, dear Sit up now and take
your medicine. Yes, I know it's bitter,
but the doctor said you were TO have #
as soon as you woke up; so you've just
got TO take it, and then I'll change the
poultice on your chest. The doctor told
me TO put a linseed poultice on. but 1
didn't have any linseed, 50 I used oat-
meal. This is the third poultice, and
where the children are going 20 get
their breakfast from in the morning
don't see. And little Haley does love
oatmeal so.
No, you can't have a drop Of whisky;
not even TO take the taste out OF your
mouth, / should think, Job, that you.
who have been down TO deaths door
with a combination Of the grip, and the
tic doloreaux, and the rheumatic. and
something wrong with your insides
which l don't rightly understand, would
have had some thoughts about leaving
that vile liquor alone If you'd only be
content to take nothing but my home
cooking, I'm sure you'd be a better and
a more moral man.
Are you comfortable. job? All right
dear, though / must say you look funny
on that white pillow, with all those
whiskers It's terrible. Do you remem-
Der when I first nursed you, job; that
time the hay wagon fell over on you on
fathers farm, and you was laid up for
two weeks? You was a stranger then,
and you paid me s. a week for nursing
you. You praised my nursing so high
that I had some thoughts Of being a
trained nurse; only, you trained me in
stead. and now, instead OF getting five a
week I'm just nursing you for my
board. It's a queer world this, What,
something TO eat just can't do it,
Job. The doctor said you weren't TO
have thing 10 eet but arrOWrOOt. and
you've ct ali Of that there was IN the
house. What have I got? l haven't got
a thing in the house but some sausage,
and I'm afraid to give you that, espe-
cially since I've been reading as how the
government in spite Of all its poor food
laws, says that it's all right for manu-
factures to put serials in the sausage.
! don't know what sort Of serials they
put In. but l reckon they must get 'em
out Of the cheap magazines, and that's
what makes EN- so spicy No. / amt
going to give you q bite; I just know
the paper wouldn't agree with your tic
doloreaux.
Yes. dear, while you've been asleep
I've been reading up on the news just
10 keep you pOsted-because I know
that while you've been sick you haven't
heard a thing, Here's our feet got
away down to Brazil. and Just TO show
that every ones spelling for fight a
lot Of our sailors got into a row down
there and some Of the Brazilians got hit
on the nuts with bottles Do you re-
member, Job. how, as children. we used
to crack Brazil nuts in the jamb of the
door. All. those were happy days,
THE weather man SAYS that now
we've come TO January We aren't going
to have any snow this winter. I don't
mind that, 90 you? It'll save us a lot
on coal and now you're i'll I don't see
who we'd get to clean the front side
walk OF. Another good thing is that
little Emily can't use that sled We
bought her for Christmas. and We can
hide it. job and bring it out next year
as "a present for little Haley
There really is not a great deal Of
news in the papers these days, job.
dear. What there Is is mostly politics,
and the only real live thing in politics
is the awful way in which Senator For
aker is getting after Taft I see that he
refused TO sanction the appointment OF
some Taft men 20 post-ofices. and had
thought all along that all you had 10
do was TO just mention an Ohio man for
a political job and he was as good as
in. But I guess times are going to
change now. And Mr. Foraker was so
good TO Mr.. Taft He appointed him 10
a jUdgeship, or else we might never have
heard Of him, except as a performer on
a horizontal bar. They say he could
perform on a bar better than anybody.
but before / believe that Id like 20 see
him DO IT, You've been a pretty good
performer on bars before now, Job.
that is if I am any judge of a mans
condition at midnight
"The trouble with Mr.. Foraker is that
he finds Mr.. Taft too fat, I think. He
can't squash him as President Roose-
welt sQuashes his political enemies.
once the President hits a man with
some of those big words Of his il seems
to me the man never does come 70 time
again. Besides being President, he's
the champion knocker-out with words
that the world has ever seen: he can do
more executive execution with an adjec-
tive than Napoleon could do with a
field gun. There was Alton B. Parker;
renegade was the best he got, and
you've never heard of him since. Gen.
Miles whipped a lot of Indians. but
when il came TO taCkling the President,
why. 1nnocuous desuetude' for his. and
nobody knows where Gen. Miles is now.
Then there was Hartman; he survived
many railroad disasters. but one round
with the President, and now you don't
even see his picture in the 10-cent maya
zines. Bowen took chance. four ad-
tFtAANES Attt Aii4aA III A1tC Htiui RANAHot
and-good-by Bowen Even his political
grave is unmarked with a headstonei
The fiery Tillman, pitchfork and all,
entered the lists. and with one para
graph of Presidential rhetoric the pitch
fork was bent. TilIman became Still-
man. and he never even raises his voice
in a speech without looking tirnidly
toward the White House. Then Chandler
got in-and got in bad: one OF two
mild expletives gave him chills and
fever Dr. Long lasted about two fast
rounds; then the new word nature
faker,' now so common. hit him on the
point of the jaw. and to-day DR.. Long
is as dead as the Newfoundland wolves.
Bellamy StOrer and Maria formed