The Washington herald., 1908-01-05

Eat on Merchant Prince.
Ask her bluntly for a handful Of the
lest cracker on earth and she'll freeze
you with a look and give the floor walk
er the high sign. But stand. patient. en-
during. near her place OF business. a
weary sigh now and then betokening
your desire that your wife shall finish
her shopping and continue the round
with you-and the girl will perk up her
ears and take notice. Then. If you turn
to her with a kindly smile question as
to the quality of her goods a witty COM
plant Of wives who make husbands wait
in grocery stores, you have her.
Before you know it you VIII have gOrg-
ed yourself with the samples OF her
wares Nea- at hand Is the girl who is
demonstrating coffee. AS you pass out
you permit yourself a cup OF the frag
rant beverage. If you have chosen your
pitch we'll in> the first glance Of general
ship over the field you will be in possess
sion of a well-balanced ration, perfectly
cooked, delicateIy seasoned, and free as
the air 90 all callers IN good standing.
OF course you won't get away without
being asked 10 order. But if at the mo-
ment you spy your wife III far corner
and hasten to her side explaining en-
route 10 the saleswoman that you shall
certainly recommend her goods 70 the
orGerer Of your domestic economy. you
escape scot free.
Then comes the cigarette. the pleasant
walk down busy Broadway, eIbowing the
rich, shouldering those poorer than your
self out of the way permitting the glance
Of discreet admiration TO fail upon those
perfectly shod, perfectly gowned crea-
lures that now and then alight from some
heavenly height TO bless this imperfect
world with their brief presence. May
hap you have eaten rather a heavier
meal than you had expected, and your
pipe. faithful friend, cuTls your longing
fingers to it IN some far corner Of its
pocket. You don't happen 10 have any
smoking tobacco, but there's nothing
easier than 10 get some The first to-
bacco store you enter may not have dis
played huge tray full OF the newest
brand Of smoking tobacco that Is being
pushed upon the market. But the sec
ond or third store is certain 10 assist you
to a sample. and a courteous word and
some simple question viii always ac-
count for your presence.
Uncle sam Pays for sail.
You are then shaved, shined. brushed,
breakfasted; and by your side strolIs Ny
Lady Nicotine in silent kindliness. You
have seen the morning paper; but how
about a glance at the news from the old
home? Walk over TO Cooper Union, doff
your hat respectfully as you pass the
door and take your ticket, and at the
long reading desks take your Ill Of the
news Of home.
The afternoon beckOns Free from
care. constant in the faith that some
raven VIII minister 10 your later needs,
you stroll 20 the vast auditorium Of one
Of the downtown department stores and
feast eyes and ears upon a programme
which must cost hundreds Of dollars, but
which is offered 10 you free.
Or perhaps a long latent sociological
instinct seizes the rein You'll see new
America in the making. you say. Then
a car-free-to the Battery, and take the
ferryboat which a Paternal government
provides without cost 70 the meanest of
its wards You ride over 70 Ellis Island
enjoying the sharp breeze Of the bay as
you go; and then, standing IN one Of the
visitors galleries, content yourself that
you are not as the men and women you
see passing in panorama beneath you,
bag over shoulder, shawl over head. gar
mented weirdly y booted monsTously,
showing IN line and pigment the strain
OF the steerage voyage over.
Perhaps you would know something OF
the city Of which you are for the time an
inhabitant, and TO that end you would
visit the Libraries, the museums, rich in
stored treasure. Perhaps. being sternly
practical, you prefer to go to the fire.
mems training school, on East Sixty
eighth street
Joys of the Evening.
Then hurry back to the department
stores for your dinner. Lunch we may
omit, for you breakfasted late-and, be-
sides, this route must not be worked too
often. At night there is Broadway.
glowing with light. trembling in a roar
Of sound bustling with the happiest peo-
pie on earth II you sink your scruples
as 70 work, il isn't at all hard TO see any
entertainment in return for your ser
vices as scene shifteT OF in some less
important capacity. But if you prefer 10
remain a gentleman OF leisure. what
more wonderful show can you see than
the one which is spread before your eyes
yours for the seeing? As midnight ap-
pToaches. a call at any one Of forty sa-
means an offer of liquid merriment And
then the long quiet walk down town
again, toward the lodging house that is
your chosen home for the day.
In this care is needed. Many Of the
mission lodging houses can accommodate
only limited number, and accord prefer
ence 10 those who give some evidence
that their souls as well as their bodies,
are being benefited by the unseifish min
istrations Of the mission workers It is
disagreeabe. Of course. but 1t is never
theless the fact that a few "amens" and
sounding praises from a kneeIlng sinner
will go farther toward getting him a bed
ticket for the night than the most tan
gible evidence Of his need. Being a
philosopher, you don't waste time in
commenting on the injustice Of this ar
rangement Instead, you kneel where
the missionary can't help seeing you.
and you sing with the fervor Of an early
martyr, and amen" until your next
neighbor threatens in a husky grunt 10
push in your ribs If you don't quit bel
lerin' in me bloomin' ear" Then. bed
ticketed. you are free for the evening,
within bounds.
II hunger OvercOmes you later in the
night, there are two or three bread lines
open to you, though their patrons labor
under the disadvantage Of standing in
line for hours to reap stale loaf and a
cup OF hot coffee where they have not
soWn There used 10 be also a pie line,
open only 90 women: but with the pass
ing of Col. Lyons from the Bowery the
pie line became fragrant memory.