The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1908-07-19
X X y X = = = > 3 q = . . . )
Personal and
Otherwise
= s.s.s.s.s& Sss 1899 y ;

wished he were III, TOO. BanVIle de-
clined to canvass. Suppose your
nomination were brought to you one
fine morning on a silver salver' Il
don t know what | should do with the
nomination, said Banville, E'but |
should certainly keep the salver.'
A Mormon s wife, coming downstairs
one morning, met the physician who
was attending her husband. lis he
very ill2'' she asked anxiously. tHe
is, replied the physician. q fear
that the end is not far off, - "Do you
think she asked hesitatingly, "do
you think it proper that I should be at
his bedside during his last momentsa''
Eyes. But | advise you to hurry,
madam. The best places are already
being taken"
A New England clergyman was TAX
ing breakfast one Sunday morning in
hotel in little Western town rough
old fellow across the table called to
him: Coin to the races, stranger? 30
The clergyman replied: q dom ex-
pect to-" ''Goin' to the ball game?'
mo. 10 Well, where are you going ~
81 IN going to church. - Where do
you cone from7' New England -
@'Oh, that explains it, That's where
they keep the Sabbath and every other
blamed thing they can lay their hands
on.'
Long introductions when a man has
a speech to make are BORE said
former Senator John G. Spooner. 81
have had all kinds, but the most salts
factory one in my career was that of
a German mayor of a small town in my
State, Wisconsin. l was to make a
political address and the opera house
was crowded. When it came time to
begin the mayor got up. Mine friends,
he said, 4 hat asked been to introduce
Senator Spooner, who is to make a
speech, yes. Veil, hat dit SO, und he
will now do so.'
At dinner given by the prime min |
lister of little kingdom on the Balkan |
Peninsula, a distinguished diplomat |
complained to his host that the minister
of justice, who had been sitting on his
left, had stolen his watch. "Ah, he
shouldn t have done that,'' said the
prime minister in tones of annoyance.
81 will get it back for you" Sure
enough, toward the end of the evening
the watch was returned to its owner.
g And what did he say2" asked the
diplomat. "Sh-h,' cautioned the host,
glancing anxiously about him. He
doesn t know that l have got it back.
"Ah, good morning, Windiddy!' sa-
luted the white man who had just re-
turned from a few weeks absence. 81
that you have buried your
wife2' ''Who me? W'y-uh-howdy,I
sah! - returned the colored citizen adj
dressed. mo. t'anky, sab; | ism It
buried muh wife-dat is to say, not dis
one Yo' is uhreferencin' to muh third
wife, l reggin, sah l s u-honeymoonin'
wild muh 1ou tn he 'pmeet now. Yassah,
buried muh yudder wife, come to
think about it, but dat was mighty
nigh two weeks ago. Halter do it, sab,
to muh disregret, uh-kaze de lady was
dead.
Lord Palmerston and Sir J. Paget,
who told the story, were walking down
Bond street. y man came up and sa-
Iuted the statesman. Glow do you do,
Lord Palmerston? "Ah, how do?
Glad to see you. How's the old com
over and he shook his head. No bet
ter" Dear me; SO sorry; glad to
have met you. Goodbye" "Who s
your friendl' asked James, when the
stranger was gone. tNo idea. -
''Whv, YOU asked him about his old
- ''PoOh poohi replied the
other, unconcernedly; I" the old fellow
well over sixty: hound to have some
thing the matter with him. -
In the late financial stringency a
clerk in one or the New York banks
was trying to explain to a stolid old !
Dutchman why the bank could not pay
cash to depositors as formerly. and was
insisting that he be satisfied with
Clearing House checks. But the old
German could not grasp the situation,
and finally the president of the bank
was called upon to enlighten the dis
satisfied customer. After a detailed ex-
PLANTATION of the financial situation, the
president concluded, "Now, my good
man, you understand, don't your I
90 Yes obviously replied the Dutch {
man, 81 links | understand. It's just :
like dis. ven my baby wakes up in der j
night and cries for milk, l give her a
-
A young eolored man asked permits
sion of his employer to use the tele- +
phone. as he wished to speak to a
eolored girl employed at another resi-
dence. Upon receiving consent, he ex-
planned: "You see, it's dis way. 1
loves dat gal an wants to ask her to
marry me, but, fore de Lordl I amt
got the grit to ask her word out of
mouth; an so l wants to use de
phone. I'll jest call her up. Hello!
Is dat Dinah2'' ''No. VIII call her. -
% Hello! Dat you, Dinah3'' "Ye-as.'
Dinah, you knows I thinks a heep of
YOU "Ye-as - can / bin tryin'
to make you think heep of me-
. Yeas 81 more den thinks a heep
Of you. / loves you. Dinah.'' ''Ye-as.'
= Now. Dinah-I-er-wants to ask you
if YOU will marry me?' "Ye-as, in
leedyl Who is dis what's talkin' to
ne7''
Philosophy, says Jerome X. Jerome, is
the art of bearing other peoples
troubles. The truest philosopher he
1. e