davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-11
Cost of Text Books

The blame for the changes in text books for use in the public schools of this state rests on the old text book commission. or on the new one. It is very difficult to apportion it. All that is definitely known is that SS per cent of the list of the old commission was rejected by the new commission.
 This change lays a heavy tax on parents in every county of the state. There are just about 100000 children of school age in the state. One-half of them will go to school next month, and they will need almost numberless books. A recent estimate puts the tax for books at $7C0,0O0, and it will cer- tainly be $525,0o0, even when the priv ilege of exchange is considered. A vast number of books cannot be ex- changed on the basis of half value. If a leaf be gone, for example, book is not exchangeable. The first years tax on account of text books will exceed half a million dollars, at any rate, aud perhaps as much more will cover the tax of the remaining four years. It is, in other words, million dollar tax that the two text book commissions have imposed on the parents of pupils. In many, many instances the tax, too, falls on those who will find it trying burden. A man who sends six children to school will be called on to pay ten dollar text book tax
 It is to be hoped that five years hence like tax will not be imposed. The legislature that meets in January, 1911, will have to provide for the meet ing of a third text book commission, and it might be well to put a brake on the endless changes in text books.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-11
MADE BURGLAR KNOCK OFF s2

From New York Letter.
 A group of friends were discussing Will liam Winslow Sherman, the old banker who died not long ago. He had the coolest nerve of any man 1 know" said one. Three or four years ago when Sherman was an old man and partially crippled by reason of fall from horse, he entered his bedroom late at night to find a masked burglar ransacking it. The in a minute. The banker just waved 1t aside with a tired hand Put that away he said irritably. Let us discuss this matter like gentlemen The burglar was so surprised he laughed. Now, you could hurt me if you wanted to, and might get away with some little knickknacks,' said Sherman. But you might be caught, and there's slight probability that you could dispose of my toilet articles profitably. What would you consider fair cash proposition to go away? They talked it over in all peace. The burglar thought he ought to have $l0 but Sherman after -inquiring into the mans habits, said sS was enough. You see,' he said. you're known thief If this were your first offense I'd pay you your price, but now the police have your picture you ought to be glad to accept any fair compromise and run no risk The burglar finally agreed to take $S. Sherman pulled out $10 bill
 Give me g change said he. And he got 1t before he paid.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-11
STORIES OF BISHOP POTTER.

From the New York Sun
 It WAS after the marriage of Bishop Pot ter and Mrs. Clark that the story Of his stepsons was told among his friends The second Mrs. Potter had several sons who vere grown up at the time of the we'd ding, but much younger than was their stepfather. Bishop Potter also had sey- eral daughters
 Do yoil know, I think I'll ask yo IT daughters" Mrs. Potter said one day 10 her hdsband, ito call me Elizabeth, by my frs name."
 The bishop was conteinpiative for a sec ond.
 Perhaps you had better not after all, he answered with his invarlable calmness. If you did maybe your sons would want to call me Henry"
 The suggestion. made as it was in a spirit of hu1nor. appealed to the wife and his daughters were not requsstsl to call her Elizabeth.
 One of his parishioners was shocked at his attending a nigh" church. And you mean to say that you were at that church, bishop?" she said to ilifl one day. Don't you know they call that man father! Don't you think that it is outrageous?"
 "Oh, cant say that I do Mrs Smith," was the deliberate reply of the bishop. He certainly has a right to be called father. Everybody tells me that he has five attractive children. If five don't give a man the right to that title I'd like to know how many it takes"
 The Potter family at one time represent ed the most conventional of New York's social ideas, but that was as far back as the time in which Mrs. James Brown Pot ter became an actress. It was not, as matter of fact, an unprecedented thing for a bishop to have relatives on the stage. Marie Wainwright, for instance, is the daughter of bishop. But until the wife of Bishop Potters nephew took to the professional stage nothing of the kind had happened in New York. It was once. while celebrating Founders night at the Players club that one of a small party in a corner joked the bishop about the propriety of his presence in a club of ac- tors.
 "Oh I realize how well l am suited to this gatherng,a he sai with a twinkle in his eye. You know actresses will happen In the best regulated families"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-11

tween the Mercy Home and the silver service purchase. The idea has be- come popular, and more than half of the sum has been turned over to the Mayor. However, the money will not be sufficient unless every one agrees to give his share
 This is a duty which if not fulfilled would reflect great dishonor on our city. It is hoped that all who have neglected to give the matter attention will immediately authorize the Mayor to draw their shares of the fund.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-11
THE PRESS AGENT.

 Ere long the bold press agent will Come prancing down the line. With corking stories in his grip Some thousand eight or nine. He'll skip into the sanctums where Dramatic eds. abide And telling bout the show he has, Will point with proper pride. You've seen some shows. but just you
 wait
 Till ours strikes this town! I'm telling you the simple truth, The facts are all put down On paper-here's the dope for you Two columns Sunday morn Would not begin to state the case All subterfuge scorn. "The scenery-wel, that's just immensel Ten thousands what we spent, And simply to produce the play The managers repent, But then they say, The public wants The very best there is, And we're the chaps to give them what They're looking for, gee whizp "The company's hundred strong We pay that many fares; For talent, well, you couldn't find Another troupe that bears So close a scrutiny beneath Discriminating eyes. You know our star and there's no need For me to put you wise. "But wait until you see the show I'm not afraid of that. Right now you think, no doubt, that I Am talking through my hat. Whats that? You'll cut my story down? No space to spare, you say? Oh, well, just do the best you can, 1 won't complain. Good dayr'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-11
THROWING STONES.
From the Worcester Gazette.

From the Worcester Gazette.
 The farmer who threw stds at the boys in his trees found it needed a few stones to bring them down from their stealing of fruit to beg the old mans pardon. The fable teaches lesson to the people who have been making protests against any raising of freight rates. The contest of protest does not appear likely to bring about the desired results, and the people in fear of rise in rates begin to look to more vigorous measures. Naturally, first look for a new weapon is in the di- rection of the interstate commerce com mission office. There is conviction that the increase in freight rates contemplated by the eastern railroads can be reached by the laws against pooling and illegal combinations. If these rocks can come to hand, some one is likely to throw them.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-11
The Governors Proclamation

In view of the disturbed conditions that have prevailed for a month past in the mineral district of Alabama, commonly known as the Birmingham l district Governor Conner has issued a proclamation to the people of the state that will have far.reaching effect for good.
 After setting forth the fact that murder and other crimes" have been committed by certain lawless parties in their efforts to prevent peaceable citizens from working in the mines" the Governor solemnly proclaims that the whole power of the state will be exerted for the protection of every person who desires to work, even if it should be necessary to use all the mil itary forces of the state for that pur- pose, and to summon every citizen of the state to act as member of a posse comitatus." And the Governor further proclaims that "all persons who desire to obtain work in the strike district are hereby assured that the whole power of the state" will be
 used ito protect them in the peaceful prosecution of their labors."
 A proclamation of this sort is never issued except on grave occasions or .n times of real danger. The Governor was prompt in calling out the military to assist the deputy sheriffs to sup press lawlessness. but among the strikers and strike sympathizers were armed assassins who for a time defied deputies and guards, and on Saturday night, near Blocton, in Bibb county, an organized gang fired on train carry ing a company of soldiers. This dar- ing atrocity aroused the wrath of the people of the entire state and made calm and courageous citizens of the Birmingham district ponder well. The Governor had been directing the military firmly but with little display. The frightful tragedy of Saturday night had the effect, however of pre- cipitating sterner action on the part of the executive, and as result we have Governor Comer's strong and timely proclamation.
 As Sheriff Higdons order issued last Thursday had Wholesome and speedy effect in Jefferson county, the procla- nation of the Governor of the state will have, as matter of course, far greater effect, not only in Jefferson county, but in every county of the mineral district. It will enable men
 who desire to work to do so with safes ty. The state of Alabama is be'.ind all peaceable men. | Let every miner who needs employ ment, and who wishes to see orderly conditions restored, go to work. There | is an urgent demand for wage-earners in the mining field, and the Governor action makes it safe for all to accept employment; for all will be protected.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-11
CHEAP LIVING IN FRANCE.
Ham 90 Gents Slice and Iced Tea TO
 Gents for Coffee cupfu.

From the New York Press.
 "Amercan women wouldn't complain about the prices of meats here II they once tried living in Bordeaux" said New York woman wno has just returned from a year of housekeeping in that French city. '.The cheapest meat obtainable there is ham," she explained, "and that costs 90 cents a slice. Chickens are so ex- penslve that every scrap of them, even to the head, is made use of by the Bor- deaux cook. l remember my surprise when the first plate of chicken soup was placed before me at my own table, to De- hold funny little red scraps floating through it. The waitress explained that those were the chickens comb, chopped fine. To waste the comb of chicken IS considered an unheard of extravaganza in Bordeaux.
 Meats are not only high in price there, but extremely poor. l soon adopted the custom of the wealthy families and sent my orders to Dax, the nearest large city' twice a week, and had my meats ex- pressed from there The meats are no cheaper in Dax than in Bordeaux, but they are the best have ever eaten any where. AS if to make up for the exorbi- tant price of meat, all vegetables cost a mere nothing, and the poor subslst en- tirely on vegetarian diet
 "One of my chief delights was the pa tisseries, where the most delicious cakes and tarts could be had for penny or two each They were of infinite variety, end so delicious that after eating them it is easy to understand why the French say we Americans don't know what cake is. Every customer is given plate and fork upon entering the patisserie, and goes around the counters selecting her own. When you are leaving you are asked the amount of your bill and your statement is never questioned. You pay what you say yon owe.
 "Bmt how did long for plate of good American ice CT eam It Is unknown there, except. perhaps. at formal dinner. when
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-11
A PASTORAL.

By Norman Gale. Along the lane beside the mead Where cowslip gold is in the grass I watched the milk maids easy speed. tall and sprlnging country lass; But though she had merry plan To shield her from my soft replies Love played at Catch-me-if-you-Can
 In Mary's eyes. A mile or two from Varley bridge I plucked dock-leaf for fan. And drove away the constant midge, And cooled her forehead's strip, of
 tan. But though the maiden would not spare My hand her pretty fnger-tips. Love played at Kiss-me-if you-Dare
 On Mafy's lips. And now the village flashed in sight, And closer came I to her side, A flush ran down into the white, The impulse of a glowing tide; And though her face was turned away How much her panting heart con.
 fessed Love played at Find-me- if you-May
 In Mary's breast.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-11
From the Boston Herald.

From the Boston Herald.
 @ The sixth annual convention of S the American Press Humorists
 will be held at Denver this month. 'The men who furnish the news paper laughs, from the paragraph to the poem, the fellows who hunt the bright side of everything and make it brighter are coming to Denver" Some sociolo- gists may say, reading this announcement, that the recent convention in Denver set a comic standard that will not be reached by professional humorists banded together for gregarious mirth.
 Let us not be misunderstood The wit and humor contained in the newspapers of any day throughout this land would make the fortune of a comic weekly. Elm erson said that Punch published one good joke a month or was it once week?-it was in the earlier years of Punch-and Artemus Ward, writing for Vanity Fair, said that he thought it improved a comic paper to publish joke occasionally. But take up a newspaper in any American city, large or small wherever you may be, and you will find some witty saying, some grotesque paragraph, some humor- ous comparison or retort. These jests are taken by the writers as all in the days work. They are written as rule with a grave face, and in too many instances Care looks over the shoulder.
 When humorists are brought together socially for the express purpose of hay ing a good time," the result is too often disappointment We have never had the pleasure of attending dinner of under takers in convention, but the more fortu- nate have assured us that the undertakers were as Mirths crew. A physician In
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-11
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.

From the New York Press
 What makes child smart Is for 1t to be yours. = The cheerful idiot that rocks the boat without drowning the girl marries her for worse fate
 When a girl likes to go sailing and peel her nose with a man It's sign she won't after she marries him.
 When man loses money he believes it's because he's unlucky when he wins, it's because he's so smart.
 The reason a man wants to go fishing, no matter how he hAtes 1t, is, people call him a sportsman to do it
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-11
IN HOTEL HOBBIES
Militia and National Guard.

There seems to be a confusion of terms in the mind of many persons regarding the word militia and the institution known as the National Guard.' said a veteran.
 Tn the United States, by recent act of congress, the militia is to consist of every able-bodied male citizen or person who has declared his intention of becom- ing citizen, between the ages of IS and 45 and is divided into the organized militia, known as the National Guards of the several states and the unorganized militia known as the reserve militia.
 Prior to the time when the United States government enacted laws to en- courage and strengthen the National Guards and bring this important section of the militia into closer touch with the regular army the organized militia was known as volunteers, and in some states the term volunteers Is still used thus Guards are strong.
 .Of special interest in the Birmingham district just now is section 131 from the constitution of Alabama, adopted in 1901 The governor shall be the commander in-chief of the militia and volunteer forces of this state. except when they shall be called into the service of the United States, and he may call out the same to execute the laws, suppress in surrection and repel invasion, but need not command in person unless directed to do so by resolution of the legislature; and when acting in the service of the United States he shall appoint his staff and the legislature shall fix his rank.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-11
OLD AGE PENSION LISTS.

From the Christchurch Press.
 The experience of all countries which have adopted old-age pensions is that when once the principle is admitted fur ther concessions as to amount or age limit follow as matter of course, and the cost of the system grows at re- markable rate. In New Zealand the an- nual expenditure on pensions has in- creased from e157,24s in 1900 to s3i4,1S4 in 1907.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-11
Returns from Orange County.

H. E. Shropshire, a prominent Morris avenue commission merchant, has just returned from an extended trip through the Florida oranges growing section.
 MT. Shropshire states that the early season gave every promise of bumper crop this year, but the excessive drouth, he says, has curtailed this. He states, however that the fruit will be of ex cellent quality. He says the market will open low, with a steady advance as it is realized that the first estimates were much too large.
 Said Mir. Shropshire yesterday:
 'The early and very prolific bloom gave promise of bumper crop, but the con tinued excessive drought has curtailed this greatly.
 ''It will not be larger crop than the last one but will only equal it with very favorable weather the balance of the sea- son, and will be from two to three weeks later. The fruit promises to be of very superior quality without the excess of large sizes, as was the case last season. The market will open low. with a steady advance as it is realized that the first estimates were much too large.
 "There will be large crop of grape fruit of fine quality and early"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-11
WHILE AWAY FROM HoHE.

Birmingham people who are leaving home for vacation trip should have sThe Age-Herald follow them and thus keep informed about what is taking place in the city and state during their absence. The Age-HeraId will be sent to them at any address at the regular price, and the address will be changed as often as desired.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-11

Dorando, the near-winner in the Mar athon, is to go on the stage. But the first Marathon runner did not faint he died as soon as he had delivered his message. Dorando could not do that and go on the stage.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-11
GREGARIOUS HUMORISTS

Boston once said to a friend visiting him, have invited six men who are said to be the most brilliant takers in the city" The physician himself admitted the next day that the dinner was a stupid funereal affair. The cook, a famous one, surpassed herself; the champagne was neither too dry nor too sweet and there was plenty of it. but each guest was strangely quiet, and the conversation was commonplace. Were the guests suspicious one of an- other? Did false modesty. serve a wet blanket?
 humorist needs the encouragement of the prosaic. There is nothing like the presence of respectable bore to whet wit and fire fancy. Furthermore the most daring and volube in print are often shy and silent in the company of even their colleagues. A man will reveal himself, his weaknesses, his foibles to the great public, as a modest woman will be in- tensely passionate in song on the stage. This same man will be awkwardly re- served at a dinner, as the singer will be primly on guard in the drawing room.
 Think not, then, that this convention of newspaper funny men will necessarily be a continuous exhibition of verbal fire works. The least known may be anxious to coruscate; they may tell stories-"Stop me. if you've heard it." they may recite comic verses, T happen to have them with me-" but the old stagers will be rather quiet. They may talk of former colleagues who once amused the country; they may talk of salaries, past and pres- ent, and thus they may be ironical or humorous; they certainly will not enter the lists in testing.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-11

The diamond mines in South Africa cannot market their output, and they are running on short time. The world is overstocked at present.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-11

MT. Cowherd carried the cities in Missouri and his opponent the agricul- tural counties MT. Cowherd is the democratic nominee in Missouri for governor.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-11
LOGICAL.

From the August Delineator.
 A little five-year-old was begging ms mother to buy him knife. She said' nWe will wait and ask papa, for yoy know a part of you belongs 10 n'n'
 After a moments silence he iooAeu up and said. "But the part that wants the knife belongs to you" He sos 'ne knife.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-11

it is served in infintesimal portions. frozen in some fancy shape or figure. Every one over there assures you that the French don't care for ice cream, and can't be made to patronize a place which serves it; but when you buy ice you understand the real reason of its lack of popularity. A piece of ice which costs 10 cents will almost fit inside coffee cup.'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-11
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES

What was the trouble?" He discovered that there was no ex- tra charge for ice water"
 NOT REGENT. Tis nothing new What are you talking about?' The sheath nightshirt."
 DRAGGING. A jokesmith piled his toilsome craft At which the public sometimes laughed. His heart was sad. he shed a tear Which did not in his work appear. And while he quipped with eyes grown dim And not a spark of joy in him, He heard voice which seemed to say. "Old chap, you surely earn your pay!'
 THE PLACE TO FIND IT. ''I'm looking for a snap" Have you tried the alligator farm?s
 THE BILL OF FARE The shortcake halts moment on its way, The watermelon hath a henceward trend, The cantaloupe drops in, but not to stay The prune alone is faithful to the end.
 Cleveland News. The shortcake hits your pocketbook for fair, The melon strikes you near the belt. you see; The c1naloupe is water mixed with rind, The pruhe. guess, is good enough for me.
 -Yonkers Statesman. O, lucky bard-there is no doubt that From boarding house arrangements are immune; I've bucked the game--so henceforth I Never again for me the festive pruner'
 Nashville Tennessean. And why this talk of primes and other things, The while we say goodbye to summer heat? Thrice blessed the man whom tardy for- tune brings Enough, no matter what 1t is, to eat.
 SEEKING INFORMATION. Mar"
 Yes, dear" What's 'plunl' 9" That is the slang word for a dollar. Don't ever use it." Do people ever put plunks on ponies?' No. dear. They put dollars in the bank"
 Well I heard pa say that he put fifty plunks on pcny yesterday and lost"
 NOTHING DOING. The suffragettes to oyster Bay Did go with might and main, But the President said he was Out" So they went back home again.
 PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-08-11

The new-rich have put up the price of grouse shootings in England and Scotland until the actual cost of brace of grouse is about s25.