St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1908-04-03
grease hisself all over wild lie arter dis,
but de people will SPOT him.

D
but de people will spot him.
"a few weeks ago Brudder Uoldback
Iohnslng claimed to have had n dream
wherein he saw hissclf digging up
chest of gold In his back yard. He
formed stock company of ten persons
1t dollar head aud began to dig. He
didn't find anythlng but old boots and
beef bones, but he kept dc money
unde, de plea dat he was promoter.
bar he sots ober dar, with his knees
shaking It's well dat he shakes. De
promoter am thing of de past, and
de cx-brudder will pick up his hat and
walk.
"Sundown Taylor was treasurer of II
baseball club. lie received de dues of
de members. II was diskibered about
month ago dat he had used all dc
money on hisself, and up to now nuth.
Ing has been done about It. He claims
dat 1t am de same as de banking biz
ness and dat he has closed his doahs
In regular fashion. We won't waste
any time In discussing de question. lie
will be tooken out to de head OF dc
alley stairs and dropped fifteen feet
down into n snowdrlft. De banking
bizncs1 OF dis kentry am gwlne to be
improved ON.
Samuel shin bought pore old
mewl for 50 and den Mt once watcred
de stock 100 per cent In odder words,
he advanced de value of dat mewl TO
$40. II was de same old mewl-same
lonesome cough, same weak legs,
same blind eye. Along comes Brudder
Sunrise Brown and pays de price, and
next mawnlng he gets up TO find de
old mcwl dead. He raises row, but
Bruddcr Shin claims dat all de trusts
and most Of de railroads In de kentry
have watered delr stocks de same way.
lie forgets, however, dat dc people
have found Il out and arc letting dem
stocks alone. OATS de way we am
gwine to do wild Samuel. lie am sus-
pended from membership In dis club
for de next six months, and dat sus-
pension will be made permanent un-
less he pays back at least 81 OF dc
money.
"Sir Isaac Walpolc. one Of our oldest
members, had an acre Of cabbagcs last
fall lie talked about scarcity until
he got de folks around him all excited.
and dey bought OF him at most any
price. Later II turned out dat delr
was plenty of cabbage heads In de
kcntry. Sir Isaac owned up dat II was
little corner OF his. and he was
ready 60 name fifty other cases whar
food aud medicines had bccn corncrcd
! don't say he is any worse dan doze
cddcrs. but dis hall will not see him
ng'in FOR three months. We will make
n corner on him and sec how he likes
H.
Formed Fake Stock Company.
"Iiruddcr Compatibility Anderson
digs n hole In his back yard aud
spreads dc news dat he has found gold
ore. lie forms stock company at 2o
cents n sheer and takes In about thirty
pussons. Den he fades out Of sight
No one knows whar he am NJ present.
but his name has been crossed OF our
list. aud We shall ncbbcr see him ycrc
ng'ln. lie didn't do any mo- dan hun.
drcds OF oddcrs have done. but dat
way of doing nm played out.
"Bruddcr Combustion iiIkcr goes
around borrylng quarter ycrc and
half dcrc until he hns raised $50. Den
he announces dat he hns gone into
bankruptcy or will 20 IN unless his
creditors accept n compromise OF o per
cent. Dey have 10 do lt. aud ho am
way ahead aud dcy am way behind
II has been done 10000 times bcfo',
and liruddcr lllkcr nm no wuss dan
heaps of white men at do top OF no.
clcty. but he viii stand suspended
yere tlll de last cent OF his debts am
paid up
"When ! ask you 10 name ten capt
tallsts IN dis kentry who have not been
charged wild swindling. who am you
gwlne 20 begin widi
"Whon ! ask you 10 name ten politl,
clans who am not under suspicion OF
grating, whar you gwlno 10 hnd 'cmf
"Nc hear about dis aud dat great
Gnanclcr. How many OF 'cm have
made dclr money straight and squar'.
wldout robbing de people?
"iIow many palaces have been erect
ed frcm ile we'll swlndlesf
"Ilow many steam yachts bought
from stock swlndlesi
"IIow many foreign husbands have
been bought by dc daughters OF Ameri.
can mine swlndlersf
"But It's about Ober with. DE peo-
pie have got delr eyes open al last. and
der am new deal on hand. do
states prisons am either gwlne 10 be-
come popular resorts or we have got
TO go back To de good old ways Dis
Limeklln club has cleaned house and
done It's dooty. Let do rest OF do ken
try fOller suit" NJ QUAD,