davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1908-08-14
Absolute Obesity.

There is a member of the faculty Of
q certain university who, to use the
words Of a colleague, els as rotund
physically as he is profound metaphys-
tcally."
One day the professor CHANGED TO
come upon his children, Of whom be
has number, all Of whom were, to his
establishment, engaged in an earnest
discussion Of the meaning OF the word
absolute"
Dad" Queried one Of the youngsters
'can a man be absolutely goCdY7
NO" replied the father.
Dad" put in another youngster
'>csn a man be absolutely badT'
NO"
Papa" ventured the third child, Z
SIR, ''can a man be absolutely fatT'
Whereupon father fed incontinently
Philadelphia Ledger.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1908-08-14
No Place For Doos-

Is it impossible in Japan to keep a
good dog? l have twice had my dogs
disappear IN a seemingly miraculous
way. AS am well aware that there
is a great demand for dOgskins, espe-
cially those Of young dogs, we have
been careful In having our dog watch
ed Nevertheless he disappeared this
morning. Almost every foreigner has
lost dog or dogs, and even a sea cap
tain who was three days on shore had
his dog poisoned the first day he put
his feet ON land.-Japan Chronicle.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1908-08-14
A WILD RACE.



Cornelius Cole, ex-senator from Cali
eornia, tells IN his memoirs bow the
ART pony express" reached Sacra-
mento, Cal, long before the first trans
Sentimental railroad was surveyed:
Those who were there 10 witness II
viii never forget the arrival Of the
orst OF these express messengers at
Sacramento. II was an occasion Of
great rejoicing. and everybody, big and
little, old and young, turned out TO
zee the fun All business for the time
was suspended. Even the courts ad-
1ourned for the event A large num-
Der OF the citizens of all classes. grave
and gay. mounted on fast horses, rode
out some miles on the line 10 meet the
incoming wonder.
1.-The waiting was not long. The lit
tie rider upon his bloOded charger, IN
der whip and spur, came down upon
them like a meteor, but made not the
slightest halt 10 greet his many visit
Ors. Then began q race Of all that
waiting throng over the stretch back
20 the city, the Ike OF which has never
been seen. IL may have been rivaled
In speed and confusion by some OF the
cavalry disasters during the war that
presently followed, but the peaceful
people Of Sacramento, am sure, never
beheld anything OF the kind before OF
afterward.
The whole cavalcade, shouting and
cheering. some waving banners and
bareheaded, riding at the top Of theiI
speed, dashing down J street, might
have been taken, had it occurred OF
the plains, for a band Of wild Co
manches, but the little mail carTiel
paid no attention 70 them and kept II
the lead"
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1908-08-14

creased the quantity of hard rock
shipped has made a steady advance.
The manufacturers need the hard
rock and seem to be able to find
nothing to take its place.
A new pebble company has recently
been organized called the Corona
Phosphate Company, for the purpose
of mining a very high grade pebble
deposit near Plant City. The proper
ty of this company is said to contain
100000 tons of such high grade peb-
BILE that the promoters are willing to
guarantee "A per cent. phosphate, alb
solute minimum. They confidently
expect the grade to run as high as rs
per cent. They are now preparing to
erect extensive washing machinery
for mining this property.
The Medulla Phosphate Company
have completed their plant at Chris
tiana, and started mining on the first
VI JuISs HIS EOLlpuhy IllAhC0 OH CA-
ceptionally high grade pebble.
From all that can now be learned,
it seems that the price of pebble phOs-
phate is much steadier. The mines
have demands for their entire outputs,
much pebble being shipped all rail
to the factories in the south, which
are reported to be running full force.
From the shipments made to dOmes-
tic ports it is noticeable that the con
sumption of pebble in this country is
increasing at a rapid rate.
The present heavy shipments of
rock through Port Tampa have at.
tracted considerable attention. Dur.
ing this year each months shipments
have exceeded the movement of the
month previous. May, 1908, holds the
record. During that month 101,S74
tons of hard rock and pebbles were
loaded aboard vessels and cleared
from Port Tampa. For the same
month last year shipments amounted
to 1891 tons, a gain of 63.0SS tons
American Fertilizer.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1908-08-14
eIf-Sacrifice Needed

The party should expel every lead
er who is not willing to sacrifice
himself to the extent OF contending
against the wrongs of society and
special interests. Even if We could
accomplish this, the democratic party
is confronted with the prejudices
growing out of the civil war. There
fore it is hard to make aCcessiOns
from the old-time republicans. 1t is
the same with the republican party
they cannot make accessiOns in the
south, for practically the same rea-
son. Men like LaFOllette and Cum
minis could make a new party sue
cessful where men like Hearst and
Graves could not, because the leading
spirits of the independence party,
those who put force and steam into
the movement, are Hearsts closest
business allies and legal advisers. La
Toilette is known as republican, but
his acts as governor OF Wisconsin
and his speeches in the United States
senate prove him to be one of the
best democrats that has ever been in
either position. Governor Cummins
of Iowa is an executive leader of pub.
lie sentiment who has been q thorough
democrat in his desire to better the
condition of the state. Now, if these
two men should undertake to lead the
movement that Hearst and Graves in
augurated at Chicago they would not
have these prejudices to overcome
They could draw heavily from the re
publican party, on account of having
been affiliated with it, and they could
draw heavily on the democratic par
| ty on account of their successful ad
vocacy of democratic principles. We
cannot have real reform in this coun
try until the good people Of both par
! ties get together. Reform is only an
other name for progress. n. c
Stockton, in Jacksonville Metropolis
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1908-08-14
THE PALISADES.
Their Counterpart Cannot Be Found
In All the World.

Their Counterpart Cannot Be Found
In All the World.
The edge of the world, IL such n thing
may be, lies hardly rifle shot away
from one Of the centers Of the world
ltself-the city Of New York.
The Palisades, those mighty walls
whereon the annals Of the centuries
are graved-what an edge Of the world
their lip presents to him who comes.
perhaps at night. to their rough hevD
elevation! In no other place other than
this near proximity 70 man and one OF
his greatest cities could a physical fea-
ture so profoundly vast and impressive
be so hidden from the world. Their
counterpart cannot be found in all the
world. and yet the Palisades are almost
unexpected and unknown 10 the globe
circIing. sight hunting public that year
IL traverses the continents or seas to
gaze at things less wonderful I'm some
distant field of natures marvellous
achievements. for little does any one
know OF these titanic walls who has
merely seen them from the Hudson.
Were they somewhere of I'm a land
comparatively inaccessible. reached by
q tranScontinental thread OF steel. the
guideboOks would be rich in their pic
tured grandeur and man would rove
far to explore them.-Philip Yerrill
Mighels in Harper's Magazine.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1908-08-14
a DESERT PERIL.
IN. Deadly Clear Water Of the Death
Valley Pools.


some Of the chief dangers 10 travel
ors in crossing sach dreary and arid
Tzostes as the far famed Death valley
ariees from ignorance as TO the char
actor of the lnfrequent pools Of water
oIono the route said n mining engi-
ner of Denver.
.OTbe tenderfOOt. growing faint IN
dor q blaZirg sun. will want 10 quench
his iptolerab DIE thirst when he comes
20 shallow hole whose water, clear
as CRYSTAL. seems absolutely pure. lie
con with difficulty lie restrained from
drinking IL by some experienced COM
ranion. who knows that one draft
will probably cause serious II not
total fitness. This T'a;er. for all its
eoeninc purity and cje9rneSs is loaded
with arsenic, and many man has lost
his life by its Use.
Curiously enough. the only water in
+ba desert that is safe 10 drink is foul
IooI..ng and inhabited by bugs and
snakes. When you come 10 muddy
nooI on the surface Of which insects
are Gis2orting themselves, however re-
n-Ilrive it may be, both to the eye and
nalete. you may drink II with i'm
Dunity. despite it's looks, as a man viii
who is crazy with thirst produced by
the burning sands and merciless sun"
Baltimore American.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1908-08-14
HON. ]. N. C. STOCKTONrS
LATEST REFORM IDEAS
The Defeated Candidate for Governor Talks About Hearst
LaFollette and National Politics.

public life for the emOlUments offer
ed-he should have a higher pur-
pose.
That, Tribute 70 Graves
l am quoted as saying that the coun-
try would be better of by having men
of the John Temple Graves type in
the presidential chair. l should have
been quoted as saying that Mr.. Graves
was to be commended for the stand
he took in boldly and forcibly speak
ing out against the evils OF both pO-
litical parties.
may be further misunderstood in
regard to my statements as to La
Toilette and Cummins. l believe that
men of this type would organize and
make successful a new party. There
is no man in the country that either
loves or admires w. J. Bryan more
than / do. He is not only a grand
man, but he is a brave and fearless
| representative of the people, and
would make an ideal president.
shall earnestly support him, and hope
that he will be elected. We must re
alize, however, that the democratic
party, if it would progress, has to be
come united.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1908-08-14
WATERLOO.
The ImmutabiIity Ct the Famous Old
Battlefield.

Battlefield.
One of the most striking features of
a visit to the battlefield of Waterloo
today is the immuta bility Of the entire
scene in which one of the greatest bat
ties Of history took place. Notwith-
standing the many years that have
passed since the memorable day of
June IS, 1915, the entire scene of the
battle remains practically unchanged
and untouched, and the very buildings
around which the tide Of battle surged
the fiercest, save for the necessary res
tOrations OF the damage they sustain
ed in the conflict, remain exactly as
they were, nor has any encroachment
Of building or progress married the his
toric field.
The battlefield Of Waterloo is an
open, undulating stretch of good farm
ing land. On the day of the battle the
greater part OF IT was covered with
crops Of rye, wheat, barley and oats,
and the same crops are still grown
there each season. The field Is inter
sected by two highroads branching at
@AC@Ab ~ oCclAAs ALAC O14E vi L0G ElHQN
leading TO Nivelles, while that on the
left, which lay in the center Of both
armies, led south to Genappe, Char
leroi and Namur. Upon the crest Of
the ridge which formed the first of the
allied positions a crossroad runs east
and west. This road, on approaching
the spot where the Lion Of Waterloo
now stands, ran through a cut In the
crest some twelve to fourteen feet
deep, and it was this point that was
known after the battle as the Hollow
Road. Some 500 yards to the south
east OF the Lion" is the farm of La
Haye Sainte, while about 900 yards
to the southwest stands Hougoumont.
the old chateau, farmhouse. outbuild-
ings, walled garden and orchard, which
played such an important part in the
fate OF the day. These buildings are
nearly 300 years old and were built
with view to their defense, as MANY
old stone loopholes still to be found
testify. - Robert Howard Russell IN
Metropolitan Magazine.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1908-08-14

Pnvate property, IN the shape in
which we know 1t today, was chiefly
formed by the gradual disentang3emeni
Of the separate rights OF individuals
from the blended rights Of a communi
". There is every reason for believ
ing that property once belonged not Il
individuals or even the isolated fam
0ies, but TO the patriarchal society a:
q whole. In other words. property
was at first communistic rather thar
PERSONAL---VERY. York American.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1908-08-14
He LACKED TACT.
Bad Breaks of the Man Who Was
Trying to Sell SpeetaeIes.

Bad Breaks Of the Man Who Was
Trying to Sell SpeetaeIes.
The meanest job of my lean days, "
said a millionaire. was spectacle ped
ding. l still see the sad and scOrnful
looks, still hear the reproachful OathS,
which that work brought down on me.
ut was at the seaShore. l had a
case Of spectacles for every age from
fOrty-fve up. 1 paced the beach and
the board walk.
"Once l walked up to a lady and
gentleman seated close together on the
sand.
"'Sir and madam l said. would
these interest you? The best and
cheapest brand Of old age spectacles
on the market This pair would be
your size. Sir-forty-nine years. Lady
will you try these fifty-four year onesT
They Redeemed. and the man told me
with an oath, to move on. remem
bered as moved that he had beer
holding her hand. A seaside Irritation
OF course they hadn't liked theiI
thoughts brought down from love tC
old age spectacles.
ION the board walk I accosted 6
pretty girl leading an old man by the
arm.
Would your grandpa be interested
in these, missF 1 said. Best glass
warranted, eighty year size, price
'TeH him to 60, Billy said the girl
"And as / went a hot corn mar
chuckled:
That. yOu dub, was GObsa GoldC
and his young bride Los Angeles
Times.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1908-08-14
Got Full Weiah4

Sir" says the aggrieved customer,
approaching the bookseller. ct have
called to express my opinion OF your
business methods"
What is wrongP' deferentiany ask
ed the bookseller.
L bought set Of Shakespeare from
you last year. 1t weighed fourteen
pounds Yesterday ordered a dupli-
cate set for my sons library, and Il
only weighs thirteen pounds and nine
ounces. I'd have you understand, sir,
that there is a city ordinance against
short weights"
thoroughly humbled, the bookseller
made mp the shortage with seven
ounces Of sceIlany.-Exchanee
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1908-08-14
Anxious For Mora

An expert golfer had the misfortune
to play a particularly vigorous stroke
at the moment that a seedy wayfarer
skulked across the edge Of the course.
The ball struck the trespasser and
rendered him briefly insensIbIe. When
De recovered a five dollar bill was
pressed into his hand by the grateful
golfer. '"Thanky, sir" said the injured
man after a kindling glance at the
money, AN when will you be playin'
again, sirr'-Argonaut
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1908-08-14
A ROMANCE IN TIN.
One Mans Fortune From the Price Of
Pair Of Shoes.

Pair Of Shoes.
Some years ago a man who had
started in business in Tasmania found
that be could not meet his engage
ments and was compelled to call a
meeting OF his creditors.
Among his assets were a number of
Mount Birschonf tin mine shares,
which were regarded as worthless. II
was the first tin mine discovered in
Tasmania, and the output was not as
heavy as the prospectus declared it
would be.
The shares dropped in value, and
when the debtor offered them TO his
creditors the latter refused TO touch
them.
Among the creditors was a poor
shoemaker who had supplied the man
with q pair Of shoes. he offered tO
take the shares in payment Of bis
debt No one raised any objection
and he took the shares, saying, ''They
may turn out well some day"
Five years later, under proper man.
agement, the mine developed into @
valuable property. 1t was a veritable
mountain O. tin. and the shares sprang
MP 70 an astonishing point
Eventually the metal was "cornered'
by French syndicate, and, the shares
reaching a fabulous price, the once
INDECENT shoemaker sold out and real
tied a fortune.
The money was wisely invested, and
now he is in the enjoyment Of an in
come Of several thousands a year de
rived from the payment for a pair o.
shoes valued at $3.-London Telegraph
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1908-08-14
A DISPLAY OF QUICK WIT.
1 The American Saved His Pride and
Observed Russian Etiquette.

Observed Russian Etiquette.
The Yankee and the Russian story is
again on its grand rounds, but as all
attempts to name the original Yankee
have failed, SAYS London NJ. A F..
IL Is safe to pin the aDecdote to any
prominent American who may have
visited St Petersburg.
The Russian has been identified as
the Grand Duke Constantine, younger
brother Of the Car Alexander l.. and
the incident occurred about 1910.
The Yankee went out for a walk il
March. when the snow was melting
after sudden rain. The street was a
maze Of paddles. divided into sections
by narrow lodges of snow at the cross
ings, over which pedestrians carefully
felt their way.
The Yankee was just in the middle
Of such a snow bridge when he recog-
nized the Grand Duke Constantine ap-
preaching in the opposite direction.
The path being too narrow for two
persons to pass. the grand duke being
accustomed to every one getting out of
his way, the Yankee being too cOurte-
Gus to turn his back on a brother of
the car TO return whence he came
and too proud to step servilely into the
slush for a mere prince of the royal
| blood-such was the contretempS.
Quick as a fash our American
whipped out his purse, presented it to
Constantine and asked, Even or Odd?''
Even" replied the astonished
| prince.
You VIM said the Yankee and
! stepped of into a puddle half a leg
deep.
Constantine, highly pleased by this
peculiarly American proceeding, men
toned it to the car, and our Yankee
was invited to dine at the palace next
/ day.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1908-08-14

"Once, In the rooms OF the Fabian
society, overlooking the fresh green
slopes Of the Law Court gardens In
London, heard George Bernard Shaw
express his thoughts about English
public schools" said a Chicago editor
He attacked these schools. He said
you learned nothing in them. He told
OF a young peer to whom q certain
master at Elton said:
I am ashamed Of you, unable 10
work out so simple a probleml Your
younger brother did It correctly an
hour ago.
Il am sorry, SIR the boy replied
but you must remember that my
brother hasn't been at Elton as long as
l have "-Washington Star
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1908-08-14

A doctor tells Of note he received
SrOm q woman saying that her hus
band, who was about TO make him g
professional call, found constant fault
with the dinner she prepared for him
She appealed 70 the physician for aid
The doctor examined his patient, whC
had a slight attack Of indigestion. and
told him to cut out lunches, 10 eat
nothing but a slice OF toast and a cuI
Of tea. The scheme worked excellent
". OF course hubby returns home II
the evening. eats everything in sigh
and votes his wife's cooking even bet
ter than mother used to make.-Bos
ton Record.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1908-08-14

In regard TO a recent article in the
Metropolis headed, John Stockton
Makes Comment" wish to say that
the same practically expresses my
opinion on the matters referred to-
still the wording of it is calculated to
bring criticism from those Who do not
agree with me. In the first place, I
do not wish to be put in the attitude
of comparing the exalted and dignifed
office of governor with the question
of dollars. I do not know who quoted
me, as / have talked frequently and
frankly with my friends, and have
stated time and time again that from
business standpoint | was a great
deal better off by not being elected
governor than | would have been had
l been elected to that high office. 1t
has often been thrown up to me that
would have been worth a great deal
of money had / not taken an inter
est in public affairs, and to this taunt
have always replied that | have
nothing to complain of as to the sue
/ cess l have made in a business way.
/ On the other hand, l am convinced
+ that if / would use the methods OF
the system that come TO my knowl-
edge, in the study of political econ
omy and existing conditions, there
would be no doubt of my being able
to accumulate large sums of money
even in this part of the country
where money is not so plentiful as il
is in the great money centers.
! An old Grecian philosopher was
once told that owing to his poverty
he was not capable of advising the
people as to what was best for them
He replied to the business man of that
time: If l used my philosophy in
trying to make a fortune I could dc
so in a few months, while it has ia
ken you a lifetime to do it, nOtwith
standing your business capacity, and
/ Will prove this to you by accumu
Ilating a fortune in six months"
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1908-08-14
The World Is Iearninn

Briggs - Do you believe that the
world is divided into two classes,
those who borrow and those who lend2
Griggs - No. sir. My experience Is
that two other classes are much more
prevalent-those who want to borrow
and those who won't lend.-Life.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1908-08-14
Conscience-Stricken

He selected a crop that took the
least to mOnopolize, and in one sea-
son, by controlling it, he made more
money than this up to date business
man had succeeded in accommodating
in a lifetime. However, feeling that
he had wronged the people, he paid
the profits back into the treasury,
so they could be distributed to the
people.
Men contending for the right will
always be misunderstood, but that is
no reason why they should quit trying
to do right for humanity. They should
continue to do the best they can to
advance high ideals and promote the
public welfare.
The holding of Office has no attrac-
ton for me unless it has in it the pos
sibility of overcoming some of the ex-
listing evils, and the only qualification
coming from the holding of Office
grows out of having been able to start
and succeed in some constructive i'm
provements. No man should enter
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1908-08-14

The Warden think the members
Oh the choir are going to ask for
more money The Sidesman-Why?
The Warden-For the last two Sun
days they have been listening to the
sermon.-Illustrated Bits.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1908-08-14

whats the matter with your de-
handed Borem holly. I've got q night
- air my opinions. haven't IT'
~0h. Of course" replied Brightly.
They're 20 stale and musty they Ger
eEinly need something Of that sort."-
RhIladelphia Press.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1908-08-14
The DiHerence.

PA, what's the difference between a
rhyme and aspOem?"
''The person who makes a rhyme
stands some chance Of seeing II
printed. even If It is merely put on a
card to be stuck up in an Il carr
Chicago Record Herald.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1908-08-14
A Striking Mi.appreh.n.;on.

Omcer - Excuse me. madam; there
goes eight bells. It's my watch Oh
deck. Mrs. Lansman-WeI, I don't
Diane you for keeping your watch ON
deck II 1t strikes as loudly az that
Harper's Weekly.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1908-08-14

SO Wild Bill died OF a snake bite?
Whar did be git bttT'
"Oh, tn snake didn't bite Bill. tn
snake bit Tough TOmpkins, an Temp
kins drank two quarts o. tn remedy
an then shot Bin."-Judge's IIbraFy.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1908-08-14
candor.

"Pa, what's friendly candorT'
at is generally the first aid to en-.
mity."-Chicago Record Herald.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1908-08-14

The favor Of great men ana n.
praise OF the world are not much % bo
relied on.-French Proverb.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1908-08-14

Practice not your art and twill sooz
Anpart-GSrman Proverb.