The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1908-05-07

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How so Get Rich I'm n fsw YEAR.
Care SisnsaId be Ex~rws.~si i'm Read
inx som~ AErarulfnraI Lsss~asnrw.
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Biikinsviiis. y. C.. May :. 1905.
Correspondence of The Caucasian.
Farmin' In one ov the most ex-
sitin' pleasures we her in the United
States ov Amerika. They air
teechin' hit In the skales. frum the
speakers stand. and In books, an
that makes hit more exsitin' than
ever. mite aw1so menshun that
they air awIso teechin' farmin I'm
the newspapers nawadays. an that
makes hit still more dangerous an
exsitin'. hit liz purity nigh az dan
gerous ar hnEsn' lions and tigers In
India an Affrica or eatehin' seals in
the far North.
You kin sit down an read a copy
ov an agricultural paper an git rich
In a few years, that liz. the editors
say hit kin be done. But the funny
part oy hit awl IL that the average
editor never farmed three months In
hiz life- II he wux a real farmer
with corns on hiz hands he wounld'nt
know 30 much erbout farmin'. Gen.
orally speakin', he jist learns how
ter farm an then begins ter tell
other people, an thar you are. But
he kin tell you awl erbout hit frum
a ter q. He knows exackly how ter
draw ammony frum the ground. an
by simple twist ov the arm he kin
bring phosphorick acid frum the
mines an make your crop double hit
self till the ground gifts tired per-
ducin'. Then awl you hev ter do
liz ter take a year or two off an let
the tired soil recuperate, an you
kin do the same an keep frum rus
tin by countin' an investin' your
money. But If you want sumpthin'
still more exstin' the chances air
that he kin tell you awl erbout how
mean Wall Street liz, an he will give
you a sure plan ter put Wall Street
out ov business now an forever.
Sum agricultural editors kin even
tell you what sort ov wurk ter do
on the farm each day in the year.
You should nail on board here, dig
a ditch there. He kin tell you how
ter cure a pig ov the hives in eight
by the watch. He kin tell
you how ter save feed when you go
out ter feed your horses an cattle;
how ter raze 900 pound hogs at
cost ov So piece: how ter wean
calves without breakin' their hearts;
how ter double the yield ov butter
frum a COW. or double the pounds ov
wool clipped frnm sheep. When
he gifts sorter tired writin' he buys
sum cuts an puts them in the paper
shown hogs that air so fat that sou
can't see their eyes nor hear them
squeal. Erlong toward the spring
ov the year he will give you sum
sure plans ter make hens lay easter
eggs at 80 cents per dozen.
An awl this brings on overpro-
in dangerous form.
Wall Street reads the agricultural
paper an decides that if awl the far
mers air raisin' two bales ov cotton
whar they uster raise only half
bale-ter the aker-then they will
be a twenty million-bale crop ov cot
ton, an down goes the price. If
they air awl raisin' 80 bushels ov
corn ter the aker naturally that
brings the price down, for they only
raised 20 or rs bushels ter the aker
sum years ergo. Down Gums the
price, fer hit takes a string ov figgers
a foot long ter tell how many BUSH
els will be raised. They awlso con-
clude that, judgin' frum the papers,
the farmers air erbout awl perducin'
at least forty or fifty bushels ov
wheat ter the aker, an down goes
the price ov wheat. The next thing
you know IL that the farmers hev
cummitted the objectionable sin ov
overproduckshun, an then a panick
liz brought On an the country goes
avn ter smash in less than two
months.
A paniek liz one ov the most dan
gerous things a country hez ter
tackle. They air a thing you can't
Sc nor hear till they air rite at you,
an then you can't dodge fast 'enutf
ter git out ov reach ov them. The
country will never feel safe ergin till
hit quits havin' panicks an quits
overproducin'.
But the average agricultural edi-
tor again gifts in hiz heavy wurk.
He jumps on you fer overproducin'
fer takin' hiz advice ter wurk hard
an make big crops. fer maxim two
blades ov grass grow whar only one
grew before. fer growing two bushels
ov corn or wheat whar only one
grew before. Right thar you git
another curtain leckture that will
take the skin off in spots. If we
don't raise mules that IL the reason
we don't prosper; If we do raise 'em
we air overproducin'.
So we poor farmers hev a time oy
hit. IL we amt crushed by sum
wicked monopoly we go ter wurk an
crush ourselves by raisin' more stun
than we kin sell, or else we don''
raise enuff ter supply the demand an
git into trouble either way We turn
II we don't raise mules ter sell, thai
liz the trouble; if we do raise EN-
that IL the trouble.
So what air we poor farmers tel
do? We air wrong every time We
air rite an rite every time we ali
wrong. We git plenty ov advice an
| try ter take awl ov hit. But tha
only gifts us into more an deeper
trouble.