davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
Inst q Fish Story.

Forty years ago, when my father was
captain Of an East India trading ship,
while off the coast of Africa near the
equator the ships carpenter was taken
sick and died He was sewed up in
canvas. and with him were sewed his
lit of tools and grindstone for ballast
to sink him. Services We're held and
the body committed to the sea.
Four days later the ships boy fell
overheard. and a great shark came up
under the stern and swallowed the boy
before he could be reached
The next day the shark was still fol-
lowing the ship. A shark hook was
baited and put over the stern, and the
shark was caught, but was so large it
could not be taken on board, and they
were obliged to shoot him. He looked
so plump and large the mate, who was
an old whaler, wanted to go over the
side and cut the fish open. He was
lowered over and cut hole in the
shark and was surprised to hear voices
and on looking in saw the ships boy
turning the grindstone for the ships
carpenter, who was sharpening his
ak to cut their way out.
My father, who is eighty years old.
can vouch for this that it is fish
story-Boston Journal.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
Eating Test For Cooks.

In q certain employment agency ten
cooks out of job waited one after
noon last week for a situation to turn
up. Presently a well goWned woman
who was short of servants applied at
the desk for the desired help The
manager referred her to the ten cooks.
The woman interviewed each of them
in turn with unsatisfactory results.
'Not one of Them" she explained to
the manager of the agency, likes to
eat the things that we like"
''But what difference does that
maker asked the manager. 'They are
no doubt good girls for all that"
''Yet they wouldn't suit me-" the wo-
man replied decisively. my family
have very pronounced tastes in cook
cry, and my experience has taught me
that only a cook who likes the same
dishes that we like can prepare them
satisfactorily. That is a matter of sim
pie common sense. 1t stands to reason
that any dish cook likes will turn
out better than one she doesn't like;
consequently | will do the work my
self till / find a girl whose tastes agree
with ours" philadelphia Ledger.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
His Old COLLEGE, chums.

A, conductor sent new brakeman to
put some tramps off the train. They
were riding in a box car. The brake
man dropped into the car and said,
Where are you fellows going?" ITO
Atchison'' well, you can't go to
Atchison on this train, so get off"
"You get came the reply, and as the
brakeman was looking into the bust
ness end of a gun he took the advice
given him and got" He went back to
the caboose. and the conductor asked
him if he had put the fellows off.
No. he answered, 81 did not have
the heart to put them off. They want
to go to- Atchison, and, besides, they
are old schoolmates of mines The
conductor used some very strong lam
guage and then said he would put
them off himself. He went over to the
car and met with the same experience
as the brakeman. When he got back to
the caboose, the brakeman said, "Well,
did you put them off?' tNaw, they're
schoolmates of mine Wellington
(Kan.) News.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
Nature and the RarnacIe.

In the barnacle we have a unique
and wonderful case of a creature that
can afford as age comes on to dispense
with the eyesight that was so useful
in youth. For the young and old
barnacle are as different one from the
other as fishes from seaWeed In the
heyday of life the barnacle svims
about the sea, seeking its food with the
aid of it's eyes and generally leading a
roaming existence. Later in life, how
ever, it grows tired of this aimless
wandering and settles down to worry
ships captains by attaching itself to
the keel of their craft and defying the
much advertised powers OF various pre-
ventive paints. Once, then, the barna-
Gle has become a fixture, whether on
ships or sharks, it's eyesight is of no
more use. It cannot seek it's food, and
it cannot shun it's foes, for it never
more will move Therefore its eyes
become superfuous and, according to
natures invariable rule in such cases,
disappear.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
HaIevy and the Duo de Morny.

1t may not be generally known in
what circumstances Halevy owed his
advancement in the French civil serv-
ice to the Due de Morny. The duke, an
amateur of the arts, had begun to write
the libretto of a comic opera of which
Offenbach was to provide the music.
He found that he had not the time-or
perhaps that he had not the talent-to
finish it, He sought collaboration, and
Halevy came to the rescue and kept
his secret When, therefore, the Office
of the ministry of Algeria, which he
held, was suppressed he had no hesita-
ton in asking his august patron for the
post which he sought on the Journal
Oficiel ''The very thingp' exclaimed
the duke. "There is six months vaca-
ton when the chamber is. not sitting.
so that you will have plenty of time
to write for the stage" And he gave
him a note to the head of the depart
ment. consisting Of the simple words.
Make arrangements to give the bearer
the post for which he will ask you
Westminster Gazette.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
How Could She Do LIP

The homely forms of speech used BY
the country people with whom little
Edith ana her mother boarded last
summer We're frequently very pulling
to the child.
One evening the farmers wife, in
talking for a few minutes with Edith's
mother. remarked that, as she was
very tired th9f night, she would go to
roost with the chickens"
When Edith's bedtime arrived lit
tie later the youngster was nowhere to
be found. After considerable search
she was discovered sitting on Il large
stone near the chicken house. quietly
watching the fowl as they came in one
by one.
Edith called her mother. what
arc you doing there? I've been look
ing for you everywhere; it's time to go
to bed
Il know. mother, was the reply.
but they're. nearly all in now. so she'll
be here soon, / guess
Who are in and who will be there?
What on earth are you talking about
child?" asked the mystifed mother.
why" explained Edith, rather i'm
patiently, you know Mrs. said she
was going to roost with the chickens
tonight, and I'm waiting to see how
she does it.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
AS Others See us.

"Mem-sahib," asked young East In
dian girl of her English mistress, '.why
do you wear those sad colors? / don't
like them.'I
Il am in mourning, Tattoo 1t is the
custom of English ladies'"
''But black is the color Of night, men,
sahib, and yet you believe that when
you die you go to heaven at once. Then
why not be glad for your friends who
die and wear colors such as we see in
birds and flowers and falling water
when the sun shines? God doesn't
make your colors. All, well, Christians
are strange peoplew- 1.-THE IN
dian Alps
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
It Cant be Beat

The best of all teachers is experience.
G. NJ Harden of Silver City, North Car
DINA, says: II find that Electric Bitters
does all that's claimed for it, For Stom-
ach, Liver and Kidney troubles it can't
be beat. / have tried it and find it a
most excellent medicine" Mr.. Harden
is right; it's the best of all medicines
also for weakness, lame back and all run
down conditions Best too for chills
and malaria. Sold under guarantee at
". @. AtWen drug store. SOC
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
Lived to Fight Another Day.

Frederick the Great simply lost his
head at Molwitz, his first battle. Had
he not been king it is safe to say
that he would have been shot at the
next sunrise In the heat of the
carnage he got an idea that the army
under his command was being over
whelmed, so he put the spurs to his
horse and dashed headlong among his
soldiers. He rode many miles before
he stopped in his wild flight. Late at
night he was discovered hiding in an
old mill, awaiting, as he thought, cap
ture By the enemy. Then he discoV-
cred that the army he deserted had
won the battle. As Frederick was a
prince, everybody tried to forget the
incident just as quickly as possible.
and after that, when the king went to
war, he was just as brave as any 9TH
er soldier.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
The Remedy That Does

DR. Kings New Discovery is the rem
edy that does the healing others prom
ise but fail to perform" says Mrs. E r..
Pierson of Auburn Centre, Pa. 1T is
curing me of throat and lung trouble of
long standing that other treatments re-
lieved only temporarily. New Discovery
is doing me so much good that | feel
confident it's continued use for a reason
able length of time will restore me TO
perfect health" This renowned cough
and cold remedy and throat and lung
healer is sold at W. G. Atwell drug store
soc and 81 co. Trial bottle free
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
A Woman's Country.

s. The Frenchwoman may not be so
classical in form or outline as many Of
England's beautiful women. but she
has undoubtedly the gift of charm. and
by virtue of this elusive tantalizing
quality she has for centuries bewitched
and enthralled all the men of her coun-
try. France today is the most woman
ridden country and also the most
peaceful prosperous and contented
The women rule by charm. Stormy
Petrol.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24

The function of the kidneys is to strain
out the impurities of the blood which is
constantly passing through them. Flo
ley's Kidney Remedy makes the kidneys
healthy. They will strain out all waste
matter from the blood. Take Foley 5
Kidney Remedy and it will make you
well.-W. g. Atwell
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
Gifted Women.

There can be no high society where
conversation is not the chief attrac-
ton; and men seldom learn to talk
well when not inspired by gifted wom-
en-! Women are nothing in the social
circle who cannot draw out the sentl-
ments Of able men: and a man OF
genius gains more from the inspira-
ton of one brilliant woman than from
all the bookworms of many colleges.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
Advice to Young Men.

IF you are Inclined to become a hus-
band, by all means select wife from
a family in which there are numerous
daughters. In such case the girl is
much less likely to be spoiled, and
consequently is calculated to make a
better wife. Then you will render
yourself immensely popular with the
parents, who find it extremely difficult
to get rid of a number of girls. An
only daughter is often she-devil.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24

Delay in commencing treatment for a
slight irregularity that could have been
cured qui ikly by Foley's Kidney Rem
edy may result in serio is kidney dis
ease. Foley's Kidney Remedy builds up
the worn out tissues and strengthens
these organs. Commence taking it to-
day w. G. Atwell.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
Here's Relief For Women.

Mother Gray, nures in New York,
discovered an aromatic pleasant herb
cure for woman's ills, called Australian
Leaf. It is the only certain monthly
regulator. Cures female weakness and
Backache, Kidney, Bladder and Urinary
troubles. At all druggists. or by mai ,
SOC. Sample FREE. Address, The
Mother Gray Co. Leroy. n. Y.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
Rat Invades Crib. Bites OF Toe.

Jumping into a crib where the three
months-old child of Tony Descu was
asleep, at Catskill, N. Y, a two-pound
rat bit off the little toe of the in
fant's right foot before the mother
could interfere. Descu, after fight
with the rodent. killed it with a
poker.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
From q Greek Idxl.

fell in love with thee, maiden, on
the day when first thou earnest with
my mother, and didst wish to pluck
the hyacin;hs from the hill, and was
thy guide on the way. But to leave
loving thee, when once l had seen
thee, neither afterward, nor now, at
all, have l the strength even from that
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
The Old Master

Mistress Ito new servant)-I must
impress upon you, when you go to the
dining room, not to try to get the dirt
of the old Master with a wet rag.
but use CRY, soft cloth only. Serv-
ant-Mercy on US. marin; be to wash
the master London Taller.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
On the VERGE of Prostitution.

.sWhat else have you got?' asked
Cholly. looking languidly over the bill
of fare for something to tempt his jad-
ed appetite.
WELL replied the waitress. we
have hot biscuits too.''
'"That'll do said Cholly, resting his
intellect by tossing the bill of fare
aside. Bring me a hot biscuit stew
Chicago Tribune.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
Worth the Money.

A prominent Wall street firm admit
ted to partnership the other day the
manager of one of it's foreign
branches. An old chum cabled him as
follows: "Howdy-pard." A few hours
later the answer came back: finland
andy Bestoluck." The whole perform
ance cost ten dollars, but the long-dis-
lance handshake was regarded as
worth the price.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
Rev. I. w. Williams Testifies

Rev. l. W. Williams, Huntington, w.
Va, testifies as follows: This is to GER
tify that I used Foley's Kidney Remedy
for nervous exhaustion and kidney
trouble, and am free to say that Foley's
Kidney Remedy will do all that you
claim for it."-W. g. Atwell
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
A Revelation

1t is revelation to people, the severe
cases of lung trouble that have been
cured by Foley's Honey and Tar. 1t not
only stops the cough but heals and
strengthens the lungs. L. M. Ruggles.
Reasnor, Iowa, writes: 1.-THE doctors
said had consumption, and / got no
better until | took Foley's Honey and
Tar 1t stopped the hemorrhages and
pain in my lungs and they are now as
sound as a bullet."-W. G. Atwell.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
Modern Lovers Of Muncnausen.

Ordinary fiction is not bold enough
for the natural man. He loves to read
tales of wonder. of supernatural Prov
ess and of more than human adroit.
ness. And he loves to have these
tales told simply and as everyday oc-
currences. Most men are inclined to
exaggerate. Is it that that makes
many of us enjoy Baron Munchausen?
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
story or Hans Andersen.

Hans Andersen, the great Danish
writer. was an excessively nervous
man, and he had very great fear OF
being buried alive So great was this
dread that every night when he went
to bed he would place by his bedside
a large piece of paper. on which was
written: 81 am only apparently dead"
Home Notes.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
Rehuttal Testimony.

The Guest Isn't your little boy rath-
err nervous, Mrs. Bimm? Mrs. Bimm-
No: / think not Little Boy-Yes. ]
am, ma; when people who come here
stay too long it makes me wriggle
around and kick my chair.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
Best the World Affords

"It gives me unbounded pleasure to
recommend Bucklen's Arnica Salve,"
says j. W. Jenkins of Chapel Hill, n. c..
I'm convinced it's the best salve the
world affords. 1t cured felon on my
thumb, and it never fails to heal every
sore, burn or wound to which it is APP
Piled" 25c at w. G.. Atwell drug store.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
Aid to Memory.

After retiring and while lying
awake during the wee sma' hours one
often thinks of something to be done
the following day. Tie small knot
in the corner of the sheet and the
next morning when making up the
bed the knot will be found and prove
a most convenient reminder.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
War Against Consumption

All nations are endeavoring 10 check
the ravages' of consumption. the white
plague" that claims so many victims
each year. FoIey's Honey and Tar cures
coughs and colds perfectly and you are
in no danger of consumption. Do not
risk your health by taking some I'M
known preparation when Foley's Honey
and Tar is safe and certain in results. -
w. CT. Atwell.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
Badly Expressed.

In Grant-Duff's Notes From Dia-
ry'' it is told that when Landseer. the
great animal painter, was presented to
the king of Portugal s majesty said:
"Ah, / am so glad to see you! | al
ways like beastsr
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
Just Exactly Right

81 have used Dr. Kings New Life Pills
for several years, and find them just ex-
actly right says Mr.. A. FELTON, of Har-
risville, n. Y. New Life Pills relieve
without the least discomfort. Best rem
edy for constipation, biliousness and MA
laria. 25c at w. G. Atwell drug store
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
Emotional Raiment.

There are all sorts of happy clothes.
Some hats are one broad grin, some
frocks are made to be danced in; some
materials are meant to be Worn by
people who sing about the house;
some colors spell sunshine.-The
Queen.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
Compromise.

Customer lin bookstore)- Let me
have a copy of Antony and Cleopa-
ira" Clerk-Yes. sir; 81. please. Gus
tomer-Dear me, I've only got so cents.
Just give me Antony .-Harper's Week
Iv
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
WORLDS LARGEST Orchards.

The largest orchards in the world
are at Werder, near Berlin. They ex-
tend without break to about 10000
acres. They yield some 48,000,0OO
pounds of apples and pears every year.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
Mo- Fossils in Granite.

Granite is the bedrock of the world,
1t is the lowest rock in the earth
crust and shows no signs of animal
life. 1t is from two to ten times as
thick as all the other layers of rock
combined. No evidences of life, either
animal or vegetable. are apparent in
granite.--xchange.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
ASK For Aliens Foot Ease.

A powder for swollen, tired hot, smart
ing feet. Samples FREE. Also Free
Sample of the Foot-Ease Sanitary Corn
Pad, new invention. Address Allen
S. Olm-ted Leroy, n. Y.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
Oldest American corporation.

The oldest commercial corporation
in the United States is in New York
city. 1t is the Chamber of Commerce,
organized May 5, 176S, in the historic
Frances Tavern.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
Poor.

The prodigal son business is about
the poorest prescription that can be
recommended for the purpose of work
ing up an appetite.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24

Foley's Orino Laxative, the new laxa-
tive, stimulates, but does not irritate. 1t
is the best laxative. Guaranteed or your
money back. w. @. AtWell.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
A Pocket svnphonv.

my piano is very much like my
trousers pockets. When my wife goes
into them she often finds nothing but
keys, and then there Is music. New
York Globe
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
Her ADVANTAGE.

One advaa. are of being woman is
that she doesn't have to spend much
OF her time trying to, give up injurious
habits.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
Always.

1t is useless to give an egOtist your
ionest opinion of him, because he win
think you are prejudiced.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
He Needs the Watching.

A man who is in debt may be
valuable citizen. The man who is in
debt and doesn't care causes the
trouble.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24

The world is dying for want not of
good preaching, but Of good hearing
Boar6man.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
Se,f.Surrenoer

Only as you surrender yourself to
your work can you lift yourself and
your work to the level of larger life
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1908-07-24
First Cultivation Of Bananas.

The cultivation of bananas was be-
gun in Dutch Guiana two years ago.
the government lending aid.
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1908-05-20

There-give me that collar and tie.
Wheze's your hat?" -
The changes we're completed, or
rather his were, and he stood looking
as much like me as could be imag-
ined
Don't stir from this room till l
come back" he whispered. You can
dress in anything of mine you like
Ill be in before twelve, or send a
messenger if I'm not coming. By-by."
He was gone before ! could say a
word, and only an occasional creaking
board told me of his progress down
the stairs. He had evidently had
some practice in getting about quiet
ly. l could only wonder, as closed
and locked the door, whether it was
the police or a private enemy that he
was trying to avoid.
/ had small time to speculate on
the possibilities. for outside the win
dow l heard the single word, Help"
l rushed to the window and looked
out. A band of half a dozen men was
struggling and pushing away from
Montgomery Street into the darker
end of the alley. They were nearly
under the window.
Give it to him." said a voice.
In an instant there came a scream
Of agony. Then light showed and
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1908-05-20
STOPPED TO SALUTE HOGS.
One Man At Least Grateful to the
Source Of His Wealth.

"The Interpreter" In the American
Magazine says of respectful father
he once knew:
isn't 1t time We took OF our hats
and thanked this pleasant land for the
good things it has done for US by go
ing on patiently covering up our blum
ders, rectifying our mistakes. and re-
spending cheerfully to our every in
telligent effort?
Il knew a man out west who had
the right idea about 1t. His father
had made a great fortune in the pork
packing business. The heir Was not
pulled up by his millions. Long after
he had crown accustomed to the
money and might reasonably be ex-
pected to look down on butchers, II in
walking In the country with his chill
dren they saw a drove of hogs on the
road, he would make his little boys
stand at attention and take OF their
hats. I want them to respect the
sources of wealth. he said"
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1908-05-20
SEVERE HEMoRRHoiDs
Sores, and Itching Eezema-0octo'
Thought an Operation Necessary
,-cuticura's Efficacy Proven.

II am now so years old. and three
years ago was taken with An at
tack of piles (hemorrhoids). bleeding
and protruding. The doctor said the
only help for me was to 60 to
hospital and be operated on. l tried
several remedies for months but did
not get much help. During this time
sores appeared which changed to a
terrible itching eczema. Then l began
to use Cuticura Soap, Ointment. and
Pills, injecting quantity Of Cuticura
Ointment With a Cuticura Suppository
Syringe. 1t took month of this
treatment to get me in fairly healthy
state and then I treated myself once
a day for three months and. after that.
once or twice a week. The treatments
I tried took a lot of money, and 1t is
fortunate that I used Cuticura. ]. H.
Henderson, Hopkinton, N. T., Apr.
&c, 1907"