The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1908-07-09
CAUSED A RUMPUS
STORY OF ONE SMALL DOG AND
ONE UMBRELLA
Mrs, Mclntosh's Absent-Mlndedness
and Puppy's Ability for Making
Trouble Sadly Disturbed the
Peaceful Congregation.


We had a little excitement in our
church few Sundays ago. Mrs. Nc
1ntosh Is remarkable for her singular
absence of mind. DR.. Potts, the preach
er, was reading from the Scriptures
the account of the deluge and when
he came TO the story of how It rained
for so many days and nights Mrs. Mc-
Intosh became so deeply absorbed in
the narrative and so strongly i'm
pressed with it that she involuntarily
put up her umbrella and held it over
her head as she sat in the pew.
Mrs Butterwick. who sits in the
next pew i'm front, always brings her
dog to church with her and when Mrs
Mcintosh suddenly raised her umbrel-
la the action affected the sensiblities
Of Mrs. Butterwick's dog in such
manner that he began to bark furious
ly. Then the sexton came in and tried
TO remove the animal, but II lodged
into vacant pew on the other side OF
the aisle and defied him, barking all
the time most vociferously.
Then the sexton became indignant
and flung a hymn book at the dog
whereupon the dog flew out and bit
him on the leg The hubbub in the
church was by this time of course,
something simply dreadful. Not only
was the story of the deluge interrupt
ed, but the wicked boys in the gallery
actually "sicked" the dog at the sex
ton, and seemed to enjoy the contest
exceedingly
Then Deacon Jones came after the
dog with his walking stick; whereupon
the animal actually dashed toward the
pulpit, and ran up the steps in such
fierce manner that DR.. Potts all at
once mounted on the chair to get out
of the way of the beast, and he said
that If this disgraceful scene did not
soon come to an end he should dismiss
the congregation. Then Deacon Jones
crept up the steps, and after a short
struggle he seized the dog by the hind
leg and walked down the aisle with
him, the dog meanwhile yelping with
supernatural energy.
Mrs Mcintosh turned around to
watch the retreating deacon, and as
she did so she permitted her umbrella
TO droop over so that the end of one of
the ribs caught in Mrs. Butterwick's
bonnet. A minute later, when she
Strengthened up the umbrella, the bon.
net was wrenched off and hung dang.
ling from the umbrella. Mrs. Butter
wick had become exceedingly warm,
at any rate, over the onslaught made
against her dog, but when Mrs. McIn
tosh removed her bonnet she fairly
boiled over and, turning around white
with rage, she screamed:
what did you grab that bonnet for,
you green-eyed catamount? Amt you
made enough fuss in this yer taber-
nacle to-day skeering a poor, innocent
dog without snatching of such bon.
nets as the likes OF you can't afford TO
wear, no matter how crazy you are,
you red-headed lunatic you! You let
my bonnets alone, or TIL warm you
with this parasol, even If it is in meet
ing now mind met"
Then Mrs. Mcintosh seemed to rea.
lie that her umbrella made her CON
spicuous, so she furled It and conclud-
ed to go home. And as she stepped
into the aisle Mrs. Butterworth gave
her this parting salute:
"Sneaking of before the collection,
too. You'd better spend less for jew
elry and give more to the poor heath
en-, II you don't want to ketch II here
after"
Then she began TO fan herself furi-
ously, and as things became calmer
Dr. Potts resumed the story of the
flood.
Mrs. Mcintosh has moved into
back pew, and because the deacons re-
quested Mrs. Butterworth TO leave her
dog at home she has seeded from the
Presbyterians, and she now declares
that the Lutheran faith is the only re-
ligion for her-N. Y. Weekly.