davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07

The colored boy was up in the chill
dren's court for the fifth time on
charges of chicken stealing. This time
the magistrate decided to appeal to the
boys father.
"Now, see here. Abe" said he TO the
old darky, "this boy of yours has been
up in court so many times for stealing
chickens that I'm sick of seeing him
here"
"Ah don't blame you, sah," returned
the father. "Ah's sick OBJ SEEM i'm
hyah toov'
"Then why don't you teach him how
to act? Show him the right way, and
he won't be coming here"
"Ah has showed I'm de right way,
sab" declared the old man earnestly.
"Ah has suttenly showed i'm de right
way. but he somehow keep glttin'
caught comm way wild dose chick
ns!-Woman's Hone Companion.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07

There's something In IL. At first we
smiled In derlslon, but after reading
your letter second time we became
satisfied that you had the interests of
the country at heart. If the govern
ment takes the scheme up, which 1t
doubtless will. you as the originator
will have good deal to say about It,
Please speak for job for us. Let 1t
be an inside job at about $40 per, with
more per on the outside. We are quite
willing to dlvvy with you. but shouldn't
want any scandal to arise, as we are
supposed TO be strictly honest and have
a family of thirteen children to look at
us accusingly In case we are caught
with the goods on us. Keep us posted,
Mr. Hellso, and we will do our best to
aid you. We are now making out list
OF legislators who can he bought for
from $50 up and will have 1t finished
In few days. Remember, an inside
job and $40 per; also please arrange
that my accounts are not TO be audited.
That auditing nonsense has spoiled
many good thing. This Is all Mt pres
ent. With love. Nevada Times.
NJ. QUAD.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07
CURED HER JEALOUSY.
How Mrs. Bellefields Friends Had Fun
at Her EXPENSE,


Mrs. Belleheld Is very Jealous OF her
husband, and her friends know of her
failing. One of them had little fun
at her expense the other day in conse-
qucnce of this trait
Toward the close of an afternoon call
Mrs. Dukane said to her:
"Oi, by the way. saw your husband
today at the conyersazlone."
"Yes? He seemed to be enjoying
himself. supposeTN
"IIe did. indeed. Was he ever In love
with Mrs. Dinwlddle before he married
your
"Tm sure I don't know. but It's quite
likely. Was she at the conversazionew
ayes. and | saw her bend toward
your husband and say something in a
confdentally low voice."
"You didn't catch any of the conver-
satlon"
"No."
Mrs. Dukane took her departure, and
Mrs. Bellefeld waited impatiently for
her husbands return home that even
ing. at
'On, you SndnelesS undH! sue ca
claimed as he took off his overcoat and
hung il on the hall rack.
whats the matter now" he asked
in deep surprise.
"There you are, putting on an inno-
cent face, as If the whole town wasn't
talking about your flirtatlons with the
Dinwlddie girl"
"Fllrtationw he repeated in dazed
sort Of way.
Eyes, Irritation! Now, don't pretend
she wasn't at the Conversations to.
day"
"Yes; she was there"
"Oh, you'll admit that much, will
you?'
Certainly" y
"Then what were you and she talk
ing so confdentlally abontT
"we weren't talking confidentially."
81 suppose she didn't even speak to
you?"
"Yes, she did"
"Ahl Now I've got you, Tell me
what she said"
"She was one of the mattresses, and
she asked me IL l would take coffee or
tea. Bits.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07
Just the Thina.

Sapleigh lin hat store)-I would-aw
like to get hat.
Proprietor-What style would you
prefer?
Saplelgh-Tm not particular as to
the style, doncher know. / want some
thing to-aw-suit me head.
Proprietor - Just step this way,
please, and III show you our line of
soft hats.--Detroit Tribune.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07
SHORT sToRIEs.

A knife in the making passes through
seventy different hands.
The lynchng record in this country
for 1907 shows reduction of about 20
per cent over that OF the year pre-.
vlous.
+. NJ. Everett of Pcnacook, n. H.,
has an old cider tumblcr of the date OF
1876. of quart size, which was used
as a communion cup.
The task of rearing banana trees
and raising the fruit has bcrH succcss.
fully accomplished by Edward Il,
Beals In his greenhouses IN Springfield.
Mass.
Nashua has the most expensive wa"d
room In New Hampshire. lAe voters
of the Second ward assemble once
every two years to bring In their bal.
lots for governor and other s;air 81
GERS. For the privilege of using oai
room for about eleven hours bienninly
the city pays $120 year.
Perhaps the most novel quilt IN eS-
istence was presented to Rev. T.. Brace
Lytle, pastor of the Memorial Reform
ed church OF York, Pa. recently. THE
quilt is of normal size, aud the thirty
six different colored patches have the
names Of GA of York's well known
citizens worked on with silk,
Little Fred.-Mother. amt father g,t
queer idea of what heaven is like?
Mother--I don't know. dear. never
heard him sn. anything about 1t, IL
tie Ered-Well. did. He told the
grocery man that the week you spent
I'm the country was like heaven to him!
London Telegraph.
"I'll never forget the FIRST Jack pot 1
ever won," said the veteran at tho
game.
"What did you hold?" asked the
youngster.
''My breP-b for one thing. really
don't remember what ese"-P Philadel-
phia Press.
peasant insured his house against
lire. When he got the policy, he asked
the clerk:
What should get If my house were
burned down tomorrow"
"Thrce or four years imprisonment"
was the short and prompt answer
London Tit-Bits.
"That was an unlucky thing Peck,
the engineer, done" said the brake
man. "They gave him a new engine
yesterday, an he named 1t after his
wife"
How was that unlnckyY" asked we
why, the blamed thing blew him
up this morning. "-Canadlan Courier
'One OF my weaknesses" said th
bon vlvant. "ls Swiss cheese. I'm yer
fond of it,"
"Oh," exclaimed the dyspeptlC
"thats the cheese with the holes 4
/ III Very indigestible."
"Are theyP Well never eat tn
Observation-Disclosures Press.
II
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07
The Marion County
Bank Company
Marion, Ohio.
Capital and Surplus $3ls,500.00

They paused before Madonna OF
the golden age of painting.
Hum! Loaned by Smith," said he
consulting the catalogue, smith has
catholic taste"
ut would seem so," said she. "And
yet his people have been Presbyte
rlans for generations, s,"-Puck.
Late Arrival ito singer--I am sorry
to arrive late at your concert. but, be-
lieve me, would willingly give thou
sand francs to have the pleasure OF
hearlng you,
Slnger-Ah, you hatter me. t
Late Arrival Not at all. am as
deaf as stone. Bon Vlvant.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07


the kitchen, but he didn't rush out
there and want TO know II she intend
ed TO wreck the place. 1t was quiet
harmonious meal and Mrs. Bowsel
kept wondering what was going to
happen.
When Mr. Bowser came home Mon.
day evening he had no complaint of
finding the gate open or the doormat
turned end for end. He ate heartily
of the dinner and found 1t good.
Later on n gentleman called and
asked him II he was interested in bal
looming and wanted to stop for an hour
and sell him a share in the latest thing
ing Indifference that he soon took his
departure.
Then came message from the drug
store that there was man there who
wanted to interest him In a frog farm.
but Mr.. Bowser replied that he was
busy, and he sat down to his paper and
cigar.
Mrs. Bowser called his attention to
the fact that 1t was the regular night
for the weekly meeting of the Gay Old
Boys club and asked IL he wasn't 60
ing. and he replied that he might not
attend again this winter.
The evening gided away so peace.
fully that the cat sneaked out to find
some excitement and raise a row in the
back yard. and Mrs. BOwser tried i'm
vain 10 get interested in book. Once
she asked Mr.. Bowser why he didn't
try TO invent an ice machine, but he
simply shook his head.
Tuesday was almost a counterpart Of
Monday, except there were more call.
ers in the evening. A man who had a
model Of five wheeled wagon called
and wanted to exhibit 1t, but Mr.. Bow
ser courteously passed him on.
Another man, with patent beehive,
got inside the door and had just eX-
planned that with his hive the bees
would make 200 per cent more honey,
when he was courteously told to call
again.
Then two politicians called to see II
Mr.. Bowser would accept a nomination
for mayor, and they were astOunded at
his promptness in declining; also at not
being invited into the library to have a
drink and a smoke.
'The beehive may be a good thing"
observed Mrs. Bowser when Mr.. Bow.
ser was seated again.
Reads United States History.
"More likely to be a swindle" was
the reply, and then he read history of
the United States for an hour and went
to bed.
Same attitude when he arose on
Wednesday. After he had left the
house for the office the cook washed
up her dishes and then came upstairs
10 say:
"Are you going to send for the doctor
and ask him what he thinks. ma'am"
"There is nothing to think about ex-
cept your work"
"But. ma'am, when all OF sudden n
man begins to get so awful good and
quiet"-
Bridget, this is your busy day, and
we have no time to talk"
That evening a man with a wheel.
barrow that did all the loading and un.
loading and run itself met Mr.. Bowser
at the gate and sought to financially in
terest him, but he was not needed for
more than a minute.
Later on man with a patent cork
for cider barrels rang the bell. During
the three minutes he was listened Ia
he explained that his cork enabled any
one to drink out OF the barrel without
air getting TO its contents. and then his
own air was shut off. and he found
himself out In the cold world.
No scoldlng about the coal.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07
His Contrary Way.

Caller-I presume you take your qui-
nine in capsules.
Old Hunks-No. Who knows what's
in the composition of those capsules?
There's no pure food law observed in
making 'em so far as | know take
my quinine straight and be hanged to
it!-Chicago Tribune.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07
odeII Doesn't Favor II.

For heavens sake don't appeal to mo
nor try TO draw me into any new
scheme. Go to grass with your old
mountalnsl Things have got so mixed
up in this state that 1t will take me
two years at least to find out where
am at. Why In blazes can't you let
things alone at time like this s2-OdelL
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07
At Siaht.

$50 your daughter has married the
titled stranger" said the romantic wo-
man.
YES" answered Mr.. Cumrox, glanc-
ing up from his check book.
"Was it case of love at sight"
slght."-Washington Star.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07
Inn Sunnnstiun.

Dusty Dan Sometimes wish
could stop riding fast freights and ride
In a first class passenger coach.
Wlntry Walter-Well, you don't know
when you are well Off, pard. Why, in
each passenger coach der is an ax and
saw to remind you of woodpile.-St.
Louis Post-Dispatch
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07
THAT KICKER EDITOR
He Has Another Great Scheme
as a Benefit to Mankind.
WANTS MOUNTAINS REMOVED
Gets the Opinion Of Large Number Of
individuals and Newspapers on the
Projeot--WouId Add s2o,ooo,ooO Year
Iy to Wealth Of Country.

copyright, 1903. by 4. c.. McClure.l
We have long felt that the Rocky
mountains and other mountain ranges
In the west took up room that should
be devoted to agriculture and other
things to increase the population and
prosperity of the country. and few
days since, after securing the closest
estimate possible. we addressed the
following inquiry to n large number
of individuals and newspapers:
at is estimated that the mountains
of the west cover 60,000.000 acres of
land. capable of supporting 100000
people and adding at least $20,000,000
of wealth to the country every year.
1t will cost S1O00,O0O.0O0 to level these
mountains and make farming lands Of
the sites. Are you in favor Of the gov
ernment entering upon the work as a
case Of philanthropy?
Up to the present date we have re-
ceived over forty replies to the above
and have selected the following sam
Piles for publication:
Not by burned sight If the gov
ernment has got S1,000,000.000 to give
away, let II pass the plunks over to us.
We are out of coal and have only one
tail left TO our coat.--Hon. Thomas
Renfew.
We have to meet note at the bank
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07
Expanaiua Possihilitins.

ut is said that some of our greatest
financiers go around with only few
dollars In actual cash"
"Yes. But think what real finan-
cier can do with few dollars In ac-
tual "-Washington Star.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07

as yet Why not be more cxpllcitf
Why not make an estimate OF what
there is In It for us7 In yonr estlmat-
ing estimate that we should have to
buy up part Of congress and at least
five state legislatures. DO they know
anything about where did you get 1t
out wcstT Awaiting your early reply,
we remain. Graft e. Gobble, contract
ors.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07

No, sir; we can't favor your little
scheme. For one thing, there's not
enough graft IN 1t to go round, AMI
again the moment competitor in phi
lanthropy steps in Andrew Carnegie is
going to throw up his job. and the beef
trust is sure to raise prices. Let the
old mountains alone and give more at
tention to your back yards.-Professor
SwayZee of Harvard.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07
Not Cuttinu Prices.

Caler-Is that the best you can
promise me-a wife fifteen years older
than ! am, with a sharp nose, thin
lips and sour disposition?
Fortune Teller-What more do you
expect? Did you think you could get
real affinity for a dollar?-Chicago
Tribune.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07
The Ideal Sermon,

The New Mlnister-What is your
idea of the proper length of sermon,
Miss Deering?
The Choir Singer-Why, think 1t
should be long enough to get people In
terested and short enough to keep them
so.--Puck.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07
Then He catches Il.

Towne-Luschman Is troubled a
great deal by his wife's insomnia.
Browne didn't know that before.
Towne-Yes; she usually has Sc
we're attack of II every night when he
comes In late, and then the trouble be-
glns.-Philadelphia Press.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07
Not the Riaht Phrase

"Who," asked the minister. "gives
this woman awayp
Hold on. mlstaire, II you pills." said
the titled foreigner "Zls woman lss
not given away; 1t iss a trade. Min
neapols Journal.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07

can't favor your scheme because
have a better one. Instead Of grading
the mountains down why not lift the
whole of the United States up to their
level and THIS reach a higher plane as
a nation? Don't try to hog my idea,
now. for have It patented.--J. ii. H..
Grandson OF Thomas jefferson.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07
New Duties.

you want job as racing chauf-
feur, eh?"
"Yesslr."
'What are your recommendation"
81 know all about autos. an I'm a
champeen Ice cutter an snow shov-
eler."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07
imperfect Sight.

The Benedlct--My wife is woman
who knows a good thing when she sees
It.
The Bachelor-Possibly; but, judging
from her choice OF husband, she Is
evidently nearslghted. Chicago News.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07
A pistinc.;on withou. a Difference.

Five-year-old Deborah had been In
vited to take luncheon at a restaurant
with Miss X.
"Do you like cocoaw she was asked.
When the answer was "Yes," the
beverage was duly brought, but re.
mained untasted.
At last Miss X. said, "Why don't you
drink your cocoa, Deborah, when you
said you wanted itT'
81 didn't say | wanted IT," replied
the child politely; Il only said that
liked it."-Woman's Home Companion.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07
A Word In Ita Eauor.

"That Joke has whiskers." said the
editor OF the comic weekly.
Maybe II has" Ieplied the contrib
ntor. but It Isn't so old that Its hair
has fallen out."-Pittsburg Post.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07

In going into the thing the govern
ment should stlpulate that th2 occu-
pants of the land should devote their
entire energies TO raising pumpkins
and preparing new kind of breakfast
food of the rinds. We haven't enough
of them. Otherwise we shall fight the
idea tooth and nall-Judge Sherwin OF
Ohio.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07
Favors Scheme on One Condition.

We shall favor the scheme only upon
one condition. and that is that every
other settler on the new site has got to
raise cocktails for the market and keep
the price down to reasonable figure.
We have always believed that phllan-
thropy and cocktails were one and in
separable.- Montana Magnet.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07

If there's a whole page of advertising
in 1t for us for six months at regular
rates, count on our support. If not, we
are agln 1t and will beat the game
California Advertiser.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07

In levcling the mountains spare Mt
least one tree and on that hang the
living carcass of Jim Hellso OF the
Arizona Kicker. That's all we have to
say about it.--IdahO Tribune.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07
BOWSER NOT HIMSELF
The old Philosopher Has No
Complaints to Make.
SATISFIED WITH HIS FOOD.
Also With Other Things-Mrs. Bowser
Misses "Resl Thing"-None Of the
Usual Schemes Interest Him, Not
Even Frog Farm.
copyright. 1908. by t. C. Mcclure.I

copyright. 1905 by T. c. McClure.l
Mrs. Bowser noticed n marked change
In Mr.. Bowser as he got up Monday
morning He found his several arti-
cles of wearing apparel without trou-
BILE. He did not growl about his collar
were holes in his socks, he did not re-
fer TO them. Shc fingered a bit to see
II he would charge her with having
got up in the night aud hidden his cuffs
under the bed, but he found them with.
out trouble.
Not word of fault was found with
the breakfast He didn't declare the
bacon not fit for dog, and he didn't
refer to the coffee as slops. During
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07
Why She Cried.

"Wots yer sister crying for. jim
mle"
Jaw, she read in some beauty col
umn dat weepin' made de eyes soft
and beautlful"-New York World.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07

We like the scheme in general way,
but there are bears in the mountains
and what about digging them out and
turning them loose upon a cold and un.
feeling world? We have been without
home ourself and know what 1t is
Provide for the bears and then go
ahead.-EX- Senator Bailey.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07

How much is there in 1t for me?-
Senator Blank.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07

WE HAVE NUIH DUE IUH1UhHOW'
do it with and are therefore thinking
of something besides mountains. We
can only say that we think 1t a reason
ably fair scheme. We hope some of the
new settlers will have money to lend
Judge Hansen of California.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07
This DeniaI Habit.

"How should an engagement be an
nouncedT
SIN the fashionable worldp
"Yes."
"By saying there's no truth In the
rumor."--St Paul Pioneer Press.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07
All Golfers Are.

Scotch Caddle (after listening to a
good deal OF swagger from total stran-
ger)- Man, dinna ken what sort OF a
gowfer you are, but you're malst In
teresting rectacle!-Scraps.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07

We have given your scheme some
thought, but can't make up our minds
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07

No, sir! No, sir Let the mountains
remain right where they are TO 20
at It and destroy all the spots In the
United States where soap mannfuc-
turer can advertise his wares would
make desert of continent and re-
tard the cause of education 10000
years. You are villain for suggest
ing such thing sir-nn nnhung VII
lain!-Professor Meish OF Yale.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-03-07

We have to meet a note at the bank
tomorrow and haven't got plunk to
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-03-06

right of each state to exercise just as
complete control over commerce WITH
in it's borders We demand such an en-
largement of powers of national ana
state railway commissions as may be
necessary to give full protection TO
persons and places from discrimination
and extortion. We believe that potn
the national and the various states
should first, ascertain the present val
ne of railroads measured by the cost
of reproduction; second, prohibit the
issue of any more Watered STOCK OF
fictitious capitahZation; third, prompt
the railroads from engaging in any
business which brings them into com
petition with the shippers, and fourth.
reduce the rates until they reach
point where they will yield only rea-
sonable return on the present value OF
the roads-such reasonable return De-
ing defined as a return sufficient to
keep the stock of the roads at par
when such roads are honestly capital
lied.
"Tha injury done by issue of watered
stock is more clearly seen and better
understood since the shrinkage in the
market value OF such stock precipitated
widespread panic and brought enor-
NOUS loss to the country
.eThe panic has also emphasized the
necessity for legislation protecting the
wealth producers from spohation at the
hands of the stock gamblers and the
gamblers in foreign products.
THE per cent of the financial string
ency furnishes addition proof the Re
publican leaders are either unWfllng OF
inconpetent to protect the interests OF
the general public They have so link
ed us to Wall street that the sins of the
SPECTATORS are visited upon the entire
country.
Favors Postal Savings Banks.
I'VE favor the postal savings bank
and in addition thereto insist upon the
! passage OF laws, state and national. fot
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-03-06

rheumatism Developed Burning,
Painful Sores on Legs-Tortured
Day and Night-Tried All Kinds
of Remedies to No AvaiI-Wife
Had Debility and Pains in Back.
BOTH USED CUTICURA
AND ARE WELL AGAIN

'tMy husband had been a great suf-
Serer with rheumatism for nearly fifteen
years. At first it was in his bones, but
after a while it was In the flesh and
finally running sores broke out on his
legs, from below the knees to the ankles.
There are no words to tell all the dis
comfort and great suffering he had to
endure night and day. He used every
kind of remedy and three physicians
treated him, one after the other, with
out any good results whatever. So
one day I happened to read about
Cuticura Remedies. I asked him If
he would not try them. No. said he,
it's no use, I've spent enough money
now The next day I ordered five
dollars worth of Cuticura Soap, Cuti-
cura Ointment, and Cuticura Resolvent.
He began to use them without conf
dence but after three weeks all the
sores were dried up. The burning
fire stopped. and the pains became
bearable. After three months he was
quite well. Two years later the pains
and sores came back after he had been
working hard and had taken cold.
But as soon as he used Cuticura again
&c cured him. Two years ago I used
Cuticura Pills for general debility. They
did me great deal Of good and made
me well. Three months since had pains
In my back and Cuticura took them
away. too. I can prove this testi-
monial at any time. Mrs. v. v. Albert,
Upper Frenchville, Me-, July 21, 1907"