The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1908-04-16
Curinu the Fever.

Curing the Fever.
Are you all worked out and lazy.
Sort O. stretchy like an old?
Are yer innards sort O. sluggish
And yer trilbics cammy cold?
IIev you nervous fits an watkins
In tn middle o. tn night?
It's tn April fever comm
With its springtime appetite!
It's tn blamedest kind o. sickness
Thct a feller ever had!
II Amt no difrence who's yer doctor
1t will git ycw gist as bad!
II Is surer thing than babies
f,r tn mortgage on tn farm,
An you've got L quit an tend II
Er til thingll do yew harm!
You can't fight 1t down ner Kill it:
Sassafras don't do no good
All tn squils an sugared sulphur
In tn Kingdom never would.
It's "A case of 20 an dig 1t
Out behind tn barn er shed
And a scootin e tn river,
When tn sun is siniih' red!
It's choice o. fish er fever
If you're sick go out an play
Whore tn zephyrs sort o. cool ye,
BY tn brooks glad roundelay.
Where tn buds is Dustin eager
And tn pasque flower mods its blue,
You will find bracn' tonic
Thatll put new life in you.
Breathe It I'm, b'gosh. an sniff It.
Fill yer lungs an run and shout.
It's elixir Of the country,
And 1t knocks tn fever out!
Drugs ncr notliin' else won't touch It
You have got { steal away
Where tn zephyrs sort O. cool ye,
BY tn brooks glad roundelay!
900
Old Man Haskins.
Old man Haskins knew what was
the matter with his pretty daughter,
but Mrs. Haskins, was not so penetra-
tive. At any rate, Florentia was "all
run down" and nervous. She screamed
when the cat jumped off the chair be-
hind her, was afraid of burglars and
moths and wept dolefully when the
Italian peanut peddler went ty with
his shrill steam whistle.
1t was when Old Man Haskins paid
his gas bill that the light of intelii-
gence penetrated his head convolu-
tions and put him next" as the
slang parlance is.
Then he recalled several little incl
dents along about midnight and 2 a. IN.
that heretofore had merely disturbed
his rest. That was why Haskins
called on the young mans father i'm
mediately and, incidentally, that is
why after a solemn conclave, there
was much chuckling on the part of
two old cronies and a glass or two OF
| something old from the cobwebby re-
| gion underneath the residence.
The young man was much surprised
next morning to receive a sudden sum-
mons from the head of the firm to
go to distant state for month.
There were tears and more nervous
ness up at Haskins' house that night.
hut ne went, at last, just as the chick
ems were Growing for a poets sun
rise.
I When he arrived n day later at
s. and received among seven let
tiers from Florentia, one in a bold,
| business-like hand, the cruel wretch
| opened that first. This is what it
| said:
My Dear Boy:
Il have Just been wondering If young
| people don't have it worse now than
| they did when l was in my adolescent
age?
Anyhow, the gas bills seem to be
| larger!
You will be absent a month your
| father tells me, during which time
hope to keep Florentia in bed most of
the time. | calculate she will be about
even If she snoozes twent-two hours
day for thirty days!
During this time, also, have ar
ranged to have your bed moved from
| yolIr fathers house to our house,
and will speak to the county clerk
about the license that he may know
when he sees you coming what IL is
you want most on earth, and not sub
| jugate you to embarrassment.
"As ! have no particular objection
to You as a son-in-law, and expect to
feather your nest slightly until you
have given evidence of desiring to
move to one of your own, | hope, in
the future, that you will, out of re-
spect for me, be little more careful
of the gas!
IF | have to marry my daughter TO
! rescue her from being loved to death
| | am your future and affectionate
! fatherin-law,
JASPER HASKINS.
We'll, I'll be--," but the young
man didn't finish the sentence. on
the contrary he walked down to the
telegraph Office and wired Florentia:
Home on the midnight express.
Meet mel"
1