The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1908-07-12
Seeker After Happiness
StrollS Into Den of Eter-
nal Bliss.
DO AS YOU PLEASE,
LEADER COMMANDS
Theodore Valiant Casts Aside
Pessimistic Views TO Ride on
Delight Wagon"

10y, the benign Theodore valiant.
Theodore Valiant. promoter and leader
II the Happiness Fraternity, resides at
2O7 o street, and it was hither that the
seeker bent his steps with "A prayer
hat something wet ana cooling might
await him At his mecca
He arrived and rang the bell Hardly
lad the tinkling sound died out before
b step. short and nervous. was heard.
md the leader Of the Happiness Fra
-rnity appeared at the door. He Is a
;hort man, intensely why and active
oOlrng, with a strong family resemb-
ance 10 that famous character of flc-
ion. Captain Kettle. He is ultrG-wiry.
His eyes are like steel His walk IS
riry. and he speaks as though he were
rying TO bite nails. HIS face is scanned
With kindly wrinkles and his hair. al
hoUgh Of a shrinking and retiring dis
position about the top, more than com
yensates him by the luxuTiant manner
n which it spreads out behind. Like
ais beard. It is Of a light gray color.
nus increasing the illusion OF wiryness
70 prevalent in the makeup of the man.
His New Ideas.
Mr.. Valiant IS the leader Of an or
sanization recently formed with the
dea Of observing religious Creeds in a
cheerful rather than a dolOrOus fashion.
De believes that you can 20 swimming
m Sunday without being roasted eter-
ially IN after life, and he does not see
Why a baseball game after church ser
ice should condemn the participants
10 a chilly existence in a lake Of ice
after death.
His great teaching IS embodied IN the
irst name of his organization, ''happi-
iess."
In place Of the lamp Of Diogenes, the
hub Of Socrates, or the manuscript OF
Luther, this new leader wears a pipe.
and wears It gracefully. too. He can
blow rings through his nose any time
re wants.
walk in. walk in" he doomed i'm
pressively, amid a halo Of smoke.
The Seeker after Happiness sat on
he edge of a colarsible chair and tvid-
He'd his thumbs ard announced his de-
sire &c ask questions.
The Teacher of Enlightened Religion
and Souls Salvation by Sane Methods.
he External Enemy Of Secretiveaess.
s>wed his Capitol Dome of a head and
announced his willingness to remove
any berightedness existing in the brain
II the Seeker after Happiness.
Trouble With Church.
well" sad the Seeker. first OF all
what do you think is the trouble with
he church: The main II. ubie. mean"
The Teacher OF Happiness, paUsinE 70
sally with his pipe, gave on accurate
initiation of the smOkestack OF the
Manchester during a boat race before
replying.
What v-e want" ~ replied. carefully
and cautiously, al last, lis a religion
hat IS not like a dirge- Our churches
are getting to be too much ike
norgues."
DO you think said the Seeker after
Happiness. that there is any harm in
The Merry Widow Waltz? Isn't 1t
bit too lively2"
The Merry Widow" said the Philos-
opher. gently waving his pipe and hum
hing ''um da-da-da, Observation-Disclosures
a-1a-a-a-Ga-a-a" to himself. why no,
that is not sinful. We must not be
secret. 1t is all right for a man and
woman 20 dance if they desire
isn't the Soul Kiss a DIT frivOIous7''
uueried the Seeker, anXioUsly. He. IS a
well-meaning creature this Seeker, de-
termined TO enter the Happiness Frater-
nifty right side UP.
The Philosopher considered the soul
kiss carefully. He tilted his head on
one side and started another. confagra-
ton in his pipe
80 The Soul Kiss if given openly. is
a very fair sort Of kiss" he explained
at last.
Kinds of Kisses.
There are many kinds of Kisses he
continued. ''the pGternal kiss, the fra
ternal kiss. the kiss Of love. and the
kiss Of friendship. The Soul Kiss is
D. kiss that is entirely affected. and no
kiss that is affected can do the harm
Of a Kiss that is a real kiss. In other
words. If you really kiss when you kiss,
then the kiss is a kiss that portends
something. but If you don't kiss when
you kiss. that is, if You don't get the
spirit OF the kiss IN the kiss
The philosopher backed up. got his
second wind and prepared TO make an
other flying tackle
"A kiss he commenced pantingly. |
Don't. don't" almost sobbed the
seeker after happiness, life is abreviat-
ed and you are nearing the end of the
stnLGntt- Nuiht up Allt lAtdl VI AlllSll-
ing that thought. Tell me what you
think of the sheath gown or the Demo
cratic party or the tariff. but give up
the kissing proposition. Leave that to
others.
His Whiskers Bristle.
At the mention Of the word sheath
gown the wiry whiskers of the indig-
nant Mr.. Valiant proceeded to bristIe
He smoked for a moment furiousIy,
evidently striving TO cOncoct some SEN
timent in his mind sufficiently coherent
and impressive TO suuelch the new idea
In dress.
At last he hit il, or rather them.
He hit the directoire gown and his SEN
timent simultaneously
"A wOman's limbs should De hidden
from the rude public gaze he said
savagely. ''and no modest women would
presume upon a suffering pUblics for
bearance by wearing a gown slit up the
side. A directoire gown is immodest
and evil. 1t is an abomination in the
sight Of man and God. and the sooner
II is sewed up or thrown away the bet
ter II viii be for the morals Of an al
ready depraved public.
Now woman ought to wear loose