davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1908-07-15

and that therefore the boy has got to
stand still and listen-'EmersOn said,
Hitch your wagon to star but you
a comet and then. where is your wagon
There are plenty of likelier horses,
my son, and in these days Of auto
mobiles it isn't necessary to hitch your
wagon to anything. Just make up your
mind where you want to go. be sure
you have motive power enough to get
there, and then turn on the current.
But put the presidency out of your
mind once and for ALL"
The presidency-I am not talking
to my son now, but just to you, dear
reader-the son escaped after all, n.y.
pothetical though he was-the presi-
dency is, as general rule, equiva-
lent to a life sentence. Few there be
who survive it's term of Office many
years. There have been solid excep-
tons, but as a general thing when a
man has passed through four years
of hand-shaking and politician shaking
he is willing to wrap the drapery of
his couch around him as Bryant did OF
the age of 10. Bryant lived for some
20 years after, but no former president
ever did. Not one.
And on the other hand Bryant
never became president. There's Bry-
ant who could and who did write
"Thanatopsis" at the age of 10 and
he's the only man in the history of the
United States who ever wrote it, and
he never became president. never in
his life. And there's Andrew John
son, who at the same age could Meth
or read nor write. and he became pres
icent. OF course it's a lottery, ard
I'm opposed to lotteries on principle.
There came day in my own life
when l gave up all thought of being
president. l said to myself: 1T will
be hard work to get the attention of
the public in this thing. Many will
not know who l am or where l came
from, and perhaps if l do get the
nomination on the Independent prohi.
bition. or labor ticket l will wake up
the day after election and find that
some totally different person has won
the prize, and I'll be extremely NOR
titled and absolutely put - 1t to pay
my legitimate election expenses-to
say nothing of the illegitimate ones"
So l put this possible honor from
me- Heavens! it wasn't that I did
not appreciate the honor. A man has
a right to feel proud when millions
of his fellow citizens. many of them
unable to read or write or think, elect
him to the proudest positio., in the
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1908-07-15
A Mere Fad.

John u. Rockefeller. Jr., was talking
to a member OF the famous Bible class
about economy.
But economy, lire everything else.
may be carried to eXtremes-may be
made a mere fad Of" said Mr.. Rookie
Teller
There is a farmer out near Cleve-
land who makes a fad OF economy.
Every time he drives into town he
carries a hen with him tied to the
seat Of his buggy.
a friend rode with him one day
and found out the use OF the hen.
When, at noon, the farmer lunched
under a tree he gave his mare feed
from n noSe5ag. The hen, set on the
ground. ate all that the horse spilled
from the bag, and thus there was no
waste"
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1908-07-15

broad land of ours, and nearly every
one of them has been told that he has
a chance to become president If he
will only regard his book and be a
good boy and do more right than
wrong.
For my part. think We ought to
take our children aside and tell them
frankly that they have mighty little
chance. Think of bright boy toiling
on at school, avoiding athletics and
burning the midnight oil and his
brain as well-for there's much con-
sumption of brain as there is of mid
night oil in these nocturnal studyings
think of his pushing on in every
state in the union hoping for the
presidency. while We know that for
the next so years we can't expect to
put more than five Of the children of
to-day into the great position.
For my part I'd say to my child:
"Rollo, there's the presidency. It's a
lottery. No man ever knew from the
beginning that he was going to get it.
Washington was real surprised, Hayes
had his doubts even after election day,
and Roosevelt often goes of by him
self and says, Is 1t really possible that
the former cowboy and literary man
the hero of thousands of young men,
is president of this mighty people and
might be yet again il he we're to al.
low his name to be used?' But, as
say, my boy, it's lottery. and this
country of ours is opposed to lotter.
ies-ofiicially.
Emerson" l would say, continuing
the conversation-for you to under
stand that this is hypothetical case
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1908-07-15
NOT EYES FAULT THAT TIME.
Childish Realism lnstiIIed Into Story
of Garden Of Eden.

Realism rules the nursery. A GER
tain Philadelphia matron, who had
taken pains 10 inculcate Biblical
stories as well as ethical truths in her
three children, heard. the other day.
long drawn howIs of rage and grief
filtering down from the playrOom. Up
two flights she hurried, to find on the
floor Jack and Ethel, voices uplifted
Thomas, aged nine, sat perched upon
the table, bis mouth full and his eyes
guilty.
Whatever is the natter" asked
mamma.
"Bo-o-o," came from Ethel; I'VE
were playing Garden of Eden. Bo-o-o!"
But what is there to cry about?"
Then Jack, with furious finger point
ing at Tom, calculated through his
tears: Gods eat the apple!"-Bohe
milan Magazine.
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1908-07-15
DIFFERENT NOW
Athlete Finds Better Training Food

It was formerly the belief that to
become strong, athletes must eat
plenty of meat
This is all out Of date now. and
many trainers feed athletes on the
weIl-known food. Grape-Nuts, made OF
wheat and barley. and cut the meat
down TO a small portion once a day.
Three years ago" writes a Mich
man. having become interested in
athletics. found l would have to stop
eating pastry and some other kinds
of food.
Il got some Grape-Nuts, and was
soon eating the food at every meal.
for l found that when 1 went on the
track. / felt more lively and active.
Later, l began also to drink Postum
in place of coffee, and the way 1
gained muscle and strength on this
diet was certainly great. On the day
of field meet in June l weighed 124
lbs. On the opening Of the football
season in Sept, weighed 140. l at
tribute my fine condition and good
work to the discrimination of i'm
proper food and coffee. and the using
of Grape-Nuts and Postum, my princi-
pal diet during training season being
Grape-Nuts.
Before l used Grape-Nuts 1 never
felt right in the morning-always kind
of out of sorts with my stomach. But
now when 1 rise feel good. and after
a breakfast largely Of Grape-Nuts
with cream, and cup Of Postum, l
feel like a new man." There's q
Reason"
Name given by Postum Co.. Battle
Greek, Mich. Read The Road to
Wellville," in pkgs.
Ever read the above letter? A new
one appears from time to time. They
are genuine, true, and full Of human
Interest.
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1908-07-15

gift of any nation. I weighed the
whole thing pro and con and then
said, deliberately and firmly: mo.
sir, l am going to lead Wagner's
simple life. I'm going to get simpler
and simpler and perhaps I'll die con-
tented"
Fellow citizens, there comes a time
to all of us who have an eye on the
presidency when We must make up
our mind to give up the contest or
else accept the inevitable with calm
steadfastness. l simply couldn't bear
to be defeated for the presidency. Do
you suppose that / could read in the
papers that l was showed under in
every state in the union, and then
calmly take poem and try to sell
it to the editor? No. sir! I'd use back
streets for the rest of my life and
write under a pen name. CincinnatuS
hadn't been defeated for senator when
he went back to the pillow. The honor
of election is great, but the mortifica-
ton Of defeat is greater.
Look at Horace Greeley. He was
not content to be the Nestor of Ameri-
can journalism; he must try to be
president. Said he'd rather be presi-
dent than write.
The result was too lamentable to
jest about I was a mere boy at the
time. but it saved me from the presi-
dency. 1t was the turning of the ways.
Like Rutherford b. Hayes, l went into
the egg business: but unlike him
or maybe it would be more accurate
to say that like him-I never was
president de jure. But that is BY
gone Twenty years ago if I had said
that many people would have frothed
at the mouth. Many people still froth
at the mouth, but the froth is apropos
of other matters. Significant name
that-froth.
No. fellow countrymen. let us be
contented. 1t is not likely that over
20. at the outside, Of those Americans
who are now living will ever add lus-
ter to the presidential chair-or even
sit in it. Let the rest of us go about
our business with contentment. and
every four years let US elevate one of
the 20 with a good grace, AID for
four years thereafter let every man
mind his own business-and see that
he has business to mind-and this
country will stride forward as Il has
not yet stridden-or is it strobe!
Copyright. by James Pott & Coz
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1908-07-15
TWO CURES OF ECZEMA
Baby Had Severe Attack-Grandfathe
Suffered Torments with IT.
Owe Recovery to cuticura.

I'm 1854 my grandson. a babe. had
an attack Of eczema, and after trying
the doctors to the extent Of heavy bills
and an increase of the disease and suf-
fering. l recommended Cuticura and
in a few weeks the child was well. He
is to-day a strong man and absolutely
free from the disease. A few years
ago l contracted eczema, and became
an intense sufferer. A whole winter
passed without once having on shoes.
nearly from the knees to the toes be-
ing covered with virulent sores. Tried
many doctors to no purpose. Then I
procured the Cuticura Remedies and.
found immediate improvement and
finalcure NJ. W. LaRue, S45 Seventh ST..
Louisville, KY, Apr. % and May IA. OF"
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1908-07-15

is any ways kin to bliss. l know
what the sayin' is. where Ignorance Is
bliss. and so on. but the world got 1t
wrong and thought it was q plea for
ignorance. And neither do / think
that a little learnin' is as dangerous
as much ignorance. If a mans &C.
little the chances are that he'll get
more. If we've got mother wit, and 1t
has come out of nature, let us thank
nature for 1t and try to improve it.
But trace it on back and mebby you'll
find that it comes from some care that
our fOrefathers took of themselves.
One of these days we'll be forefathers.
and right here. i want to say. rests
somethin' of a responsibility. Let US
all try to light up the future with
common sense"
Old man BriZintine said that he was
willing. He was sure that he was in
debted to his forefathers. His great
grandfather had been noted as the
best horse trader in the state, "and."
he added, If it hadn't been for him
l might not have been such a good
judge Of a colt"
Yes. might not have been here at
ALL" Limuel spoke up. But, not
wishin' to do the old man an injustice.
l may remark that horse sense don't
particularly lend itself to horse swap
pin"
Brizintine had begun to swell with
a resentful reply when the schoolmas-
ter spoke. But giving genius the
place of high common sense. undergo
ing. l might say, some of its own and
peculiar evolutiOns, don't you believe
that it sometimes goes through this
world unappreciated?'
well, l have heard folks say that
they want taken at their worth.
know some that haven't been
taken at their word. Recollect old
Gabner Hightower, over on the creek ?
He had a son that was a born genius.
His name was Elihu and he looked
1t all right. They didn't want him to
soil his hands for fear that 1t might
smirch his genius. His mother wanted
Tue CuUICu OcC0uSS uc wall =
strong in body, and his dad wanted
him for the law. because his habit
of silence would prove him a good
jedge. In the meantime Jim, Elihu's
brother, worked in the field. Well,
they first tried the pulpit and then
they tried the law, but Elihu had too
much genius for either one. Then
they thought he was designed by ma
ture to write hymns, and he tried
his hand at it, but failed. They tried
many things before they found out
what he had a genius for"
And what was it," the schoolmas-
ter inquired.
well, nothin' but for just lookin'
like a genius. And Jim, his brother.
invented an evaporation for maxim
sorghum molasses and now owns
about a third of the county. Yes, sir,
boss sense"
Copyright. by Opie Ready
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1908-07-15
"I'll be bowed il l know"

I'll be bowed il l know"
Then education is useless" said the
schoolmaster
"Oh, no, but sometimes it does
seem like an experiment. There are
two sorts of education. you know
one of memory only and one that
teaches a Teller how to think for him.
SELF l knew a Teller that could hear
a sermon once and could come away
and repeat every word of it, but he
didn't have ability enough of his own
to write a notice and tack 1t on tree
annOuncin' that he had a mule for
sale. He was like a blanket that is
rained on You couldn't wiring out of
him any more moisture than fell on
him. Yes. sir, common sense is mighty
nigh everything And when it rises
into sort of enthusiasm it is inspira-
ton. Sometimes ignorance takes fire
and in it's light We see beautiful pic
lures. If the man is altogether un-
lettered we call him crazy. But if he
can write he may prove to be a gen.
ius 1t is a sudden lurch of common
sense, an overbalancin', as it were. p"
Then you call genius insanity,
said the schoOlmaster.
mo, not that, but 1t is a sort of
passion that don't halt to reason by
slow means, but that sees all reason
in one fash Now there was Shakes
peare-"
Written by Bacon: but proceed.
broke in the schOolmaster.
Il don't care if it was written by
ham, lard or soap grease, its senten-
ces are staked of with stars. snatchetl
out of the sky on a June night. 1t
took the world several hundred years
to catch up. and neither the railroad
train nor these pantin' wagons that,
bull-eyed, plunge across the country
has Outstripped that book yet. And
what is it? A torch held high by com
mon sense. A lantern ray flung into
the black face of human nature. Up
shows grim countenance, and then
we wonder how a man could have
been SO smart. OF course, the man
that wrote that book had to have
words, but common sense finds all the
words that are needful to its purposes.
all the words there is II there should
be a demand for them. and then
make a few"
The schoolmaster shook his head.
Those immortal plays were written
by a man of the world. and a world
man, of that day. could have come
from no place other than a univer-
sity"
That's all right and it may be true,
but the university is a premium put
on common sense. It's a flower
bloomin' on the top of the buildin'.
And I believe that 1t would be better
for every man and every woman to
go through a university. 1t is the
warehouse Of the ages. 1t might not
teach us how to make a better livin',
but it would enable us better to en-
joy the Twin We have. l don't be-
lieve in this fool idea that ignorance
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1908-07-15
Will Ask for Medal.

Some of the men who witnessed the
heroic work of Bert E. Small of Sagi-
nay. Mich. in saving the lives of
eleven people at Ashland. will petition
man. Small is sailor, about twenty
four years old. and was on his way TO
the grain fields of Kansas where he ex-
pected to secure work. He rescued
nine people from almost certain death.
under most difficult conditions. and
two men from perilous positions
Frank F.. Schaaf. of 140 South Thir-
teenth street. witnessed the bravery.
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1908-07-15
Co,Ildn't Fool Him,

A custom house clerk, who. prior
TO his entry into Uncle Sans service.
was a schoolteacher "a good many
years yet" as he proudly informs his
associates. was standing on the corner
of Fifth and Chestnut streets one cold
day last winter, deeply engrossed In
studying a legend which appeared on
dairy mans wagon, as follows:
"Pasteurized milk" etc.
His face wore a puzzled expression.
but finally betraying evidence of dawn
ing intelligence he remarked to by
stander:
Amt these here Philadelphia milk
men a-gettin' to be just as deceitful
as anything, PasturiZed milk, eh!
But they can't fool me. cause l lived
In the country, and know you can't
pasture COWS in winter.
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1908-07-15
Coal Rates Away Up in Air.

The intimate connection of freight
rates with prices is we'll shown by the
recent purchases Of coal for the va
rious state institutions. The following
are the prices and quantities at four
of the state institutions: Lincoln asy-
lum, 1000. $3.50: Hastings ayslum.
5000. $3.05: kearney industrial. GOO.
AIS: Norfolk aylum, 1900. 4.O7 Ac-
cording to this the freight 10 Kearney
is Sc cents per ton more than 10 Lin
coin from the south, IS cents more to
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1908-07-15
Ii. ;|A US S 4 r. F.: ::

The wiseacres of the neighborhood
were discussing the question of com.
mon sense, sitting about the black
smith shop. waiting for their horses
to be shod, when a silence that had
suddenly fallen warned old Limuel
Jucklin that it was time for him to
say something.
Yes" he remarked, good. hard
aorse sense is of SO rare a quality that
it is nearly always taken for genius
All that most any man needs is a
little Judgment, the very governor on
the machinery of this life; and bein'
SO needful it is what We seem to be
most lackin' in. To know how to do
a thing isn't much more important
than KNOWN what not to do KNOWN
when to do 1t is real genius. II
you cut your wheat before it's ripe
you get sappy straw for your labor.
II you wait too long you get but dry
straw. Judgment comes from expert.
ence, and common sense is the wis.
dom beat into the heads of men that
have gone before"
You leave out education" spoke up
a schoolmaster.
"Oh, no, don't, for education is the
experience of the mind. 1t goes back
beyond all books, and the first bool:
must have been written out of expert.
ence. But to read of the common
sense of the other men don't always
give us common sense of our own In
my house is book written by a mar
named Kant; he calls it the 'CritiQue
Of Pure Reason Well, since l have
more or less let up on hard work I've
given a good deal of attention to the
books that fortune and a little lOokin'
around have thrown in my way, but
this here one stumped me. l read 1t
forward and l tried it backward. up
and down, and 1t seemed like l want
goin' to get thing out of 1t. My wife,
SEEM how I was bothered, begged me
to throw 1t away and eat a boiled din.
ner that she put on the table l did
eat, but all the time l was thinkin'
about that thing all set out there in
words plain enough, but what didn't
appear to have any meanin'. After
dinner I took it up again and fought
with 1t, holdin' 1t this way and that,
up and down, In the sun at the win,
dow and in the shade; but I'll be
hanged If could get at the juice OF
it. Finally, however, 1 struck one
thing that paid me for all my trouble,
and it was this, as near as I can re.
member it: "A man may read all
books and understand them. and he
may be able to speak all languages,
and yet all this cannot atone for q
lack of what We know as mother wit.
Mother wit-horse sense-you under.
stand"
But how are We to get or rather
I should say, after maturer considera.
ton, how are We to proceed toward
the requirement of that quality de.
nominated by the great German phil.
osopher as mother WITT" protested the
schoolmaster. and old Linn replied:
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1908-07-15
Looking for Work.

Looking for Work.
why don't you 60 to work instead
Of begging and boozing?"
Il will, boss. as soon as there's an
openin' in my trade. An l amt got
long to wait now, nuther."
What is your trader"
I'm q trackwalker for aerOplane
lines"
Lewis Single Binder Cigar has q rich
taste. Your dealer or Lewis Factory.
Peoria, Ill.
The romance of a spinster Is apt to
be one sided.
Mrs. Windows Soothing Syrup.
For children teething, sOftens the guus, reduces b
dAmmatiOn, says pain, cures wind collie. sc bottle
The prettiest flowers are not neces-
sarily the most fragrant.
Use Aliens FOOt.Ease
Cures aching. sweating feet. &c. Trial package
free. A. >. Olmsted, La Roy, NY.
Music isn't necessarily fragmentary
because 1t comes in pieces.
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1908-07-15
Boats are Missing.

Only twenty-three of the forty-one
boats used by the city officials during
the recent food have been located and
returned 10 their owners. Many OF
them are still in the hands of individ-
ualS in the food districts where they
were used. The police are making an
store them to the people to whom they
belons.
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1908-07-15

one with a
taste for figures
was telling me
the other day
that since the for
nation of the
United S t a t e s
somewhere back
in the century be-
fore the last, only
26 A m eri c a n s
have become pres
ident-and not a
single foreigner.
Doesn't this fact
put parents and
teachers in rath-
er an unenviable
position as re-
CARDS sincerity?
Here we have to-
day at least ten
million innocent
children in this
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1908-07-15

lifting, languor, dizzy spells and rheu-
matism. Before l used Doan's Kid
ney Pills." says Mr.. Winney, y
weighed 143. After taking 10 or II
boxes i weighed 162 and was COM
pletely cured"
Sold by al dealers so cents box.
Foster-Milburn Co, Buffalo, N. Y.
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1908-07-15

To all who enclose
postage lie will re-
ply, telling b ow
Doan's Kidney Pills
cured him after he
had doctored and
had been in two diff
ferent hospitals for
eighteen m on t b s -.
suffering int e n s Q
pain in the back,
lameness. twinges
when StOOping or
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1908-07-15
CARNEGIE'S RIVAL.

Hes a regular philanthro-vhat
do you call it,
"Wots he did,"
why, in de last week he's give
away two dozen 'Deadwood Dick an
a dozen Nickel librarieS!"
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1908-07-15
Advice to the lovelorn.

An Albany politician was discussing
the heart troubles that Ofttimes draw
famous men unwillingly into court.
If these men," said he, would
paste in their hats poor expatriated
Abe Hummel's advice. they'd have NO
difficulty whatever.
"Abe's advice, which he necessarily
repeated to his clients, was:
Never make love to q woman
through an ink bottle"
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1908-07-15
Or Women, Either.

The only man who can keep a prom
Use is the man who never has to make
one.-New York Press.
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1908-07-15
PROOF FOR TWO CENTS.
90 You Suffer with Your Kidneys and
Back, Write to This Man.

G.. ". Winney. Medina, n. Y, In
vites kidney sufferers to write to hiIl
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1908-07-15
| AM
A NJ Other

How many American women in
lonely homes to-day long for this
blessing to come into their lives, and
to be able to utter these words, but
because of some organic derange-
ment this happiness is denied them.
Every woman interested in this
subject should know that prepare
ton for healthy maternity is
accomplished by the use Of
LYDIA E.PlNkHAM'S
VEGETABLE COMPOUND
Mrs. Maggie Gilmer, of West
Union, S. C.,writes to Mrs. Pinkham:
II was greatly rundown in health
from a weakness peculiar to my sex,
when Lydia e. Pinkham' 8 Vegetable
Compound was recommended to me. It
not only restored me to perfect health.
but to my delight am mother"
Mrs. Josephine Hal, of Bardstown,
by, writes:
II was a very great sufferer from
female troubles, and my physician failed
to help me. Lydia E. Pinkham's Vege-
table Compound not Only restored mo
TO perfect health, but i am now proud
mother"
FACTS FOR SICK WOMEN.
For thirty years Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound, made
from roots and herbs, has been the
standard remedy for female ills,
and has positively cured thousands of
women who have been troubled with
displacements, Inflammation, ulcera-
ton, fibroid tumors, irregularities.
periodic pains, backache, that bear
ing down feeling, flatulency, indiges-
ton, dizziness or nervous prOstratiOn.
Why don't you try it?
Mrs. Pinkham invites all sick
women to write her for advice.
She has guided thousands to
health. Address, Lynn. Mass.