The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-01-05

When 1 come to die, mean to have
a clause in my will setting aside a
part of my fortune for the erection of
three statues to the three men who
wer the greatest promoters of adver-
III Dig. The first shall be to Cadmus,
or whoever ii was invented letters; the
second shall be to Gutenberg. or who
ever it was invented printing, but the
third and largest shall be TO Perkins
the Great. Perkins Of Portland, the
wonderful Perkins who created modern
advertising.
Advertising" said Perkins, one day,
may not be able to bring e dead man
to life. but II will get you a better one
in his place" That was Perkins firm
belief. He believed that advertising
would do anything possible. Clearly.
in these days. the man who does not
advertise may we'll be accounted TO
have faulty mind, but X remained for
Perkins 10 advertise a faint Of insanity
from stricken nan and leave him
with a reputation equal 10 that OF a
Wall street king
There came into my office one day a
young man, a friend Of mine. one Ger
aid Sawyer. and he was 50 blue that
he made the sunny afternoon seem
bleak and chilly. He tcld me his trou-
bles with the fullest detail. and when
he had finished he asked, with a sad
smile whether I thought East river or
North river the most appropriate place
for a suicide. l was vainly seeking to
dissuade him from using either. when
Perkins came in.
If Perkins would not insist on using
every article he advertises he would be
a pleasanter companion, but this day l
hailed the rank odOr of Van Stems
.
Perkins" l said, this is Mr.. Saw"
yer He is an embryo case of suicide.
What can you do for him?"
IF you will die" said Perkins, use
only. Cardigan's DeodcriZed Carbolic
Acid. have used il myself. Not sui
cidally, but To kill vermln. Meaning no
offense. But why die? You look sick.
Why? Because you haven't got some
thing you want. Am 1 right?"
The young man groaned.
Yes" he said. you are only too cor
rect
..Goodr' Perkins cried. LET us say
you die Result: you are sure to get
what you don't want-brimstOne, hot
pitch, blue flames, ct cetery. When
you're dead, you're settled. If you're
alive, you have a chance. Why don't
YOU advertiser"
Ny friend Sawyer looked at me and
raised his eyebrows.
No" I said, mot crazy-a genius. A
great man. A wonderful man."
Perkins interrupted ne.
perkins of Portland" he said. THE
original and only Perkins. All others
are frauds. But young man, listen to
me. One of two days is biting you.
You need money"
NO" said the young man, 4 have
enough for my needs"
Then" exclaimed Perkins, joyfully.
you are in love and she won't have
YOU Perkins is right again, as al
Waysi You want to advertise"
Come" said Sawyer, sadly, 81 am in
no mood for horse play. I am sick of
life. and jokes nauseate me. l Will go
now"
He arose from the chair in which he
had been droOping, but Perkins put
his big hands gently On the youths
shoulders and forced him down again.
Wait" he said, don't get sore. Let
Perkins effervesce. He meant right.
Now" ne asked, soberly enough, chow
much money have your
Il have $4,000 in my own name"
said the young man YEARLY.
Fifty thousandr' exclaimed Perkins.
with fifty thousand a man can marry
any girl on earth. crowned heads ex-
copied Why. boy, with ten thousand.
Perkins the Great made Van Stems
Radical Hair Regeneration grand sue
cess. smell and oil. If ten thousand viii
make people wash their heads with
passe onion juice for Fifty thousand
any man ought TO be able to marry any
two girls he chooses. Give Perkins the
fifty thou. and he'll guarantee to-~ring
the wedding bells in twelve months or
money refunded
Sawyer looked disguised.
Believe him!" / begged. 81 don't
know how he will do il. but do it he
will"
I'm any other case. Mr.. Perkins" said
Sawyer, with more respect than he had
hitherto shown for my illust-ious
friend. you might succeed, but my
case is hopeless. I am barred by in
sanity"
'T1i take the job" Perkins cried.
"why, boy, for fifty thousand-but
therei Are you insane or is she in
sane?"
The young man shook his head
Neither he said. 1T is my father.
And as her parents fear it may be
hereditary, they refuse TO let her marry
me. and she feels they are right. and.
heaven help mel I. too. feel they are
right. I dare not marry her."