davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-06-13
HIS WIFE DISCUSSES BOUDo1R MAKEUPS AND WoMENS

'How's that? That Reddsky woman's
hair her own? What is that you said
her hair looks like the afterglow of an
autumn sunset?' Now If you sit there
and say any more fool things like that
to me 1 certainly shall become incensed.
for there Is one thing that I just cannot
tolerate. and that is to be taken for a
simpleton, and you ought to know 1t by
this time. Her own hair. indeed! Do
you mean to tell me that you ever saw
natural color like that woman's hair
anywhere? Did you ever see woman
with black eyes have brick-red hair
crazy? You just say those things to an
noy me, that's all. and If you don't
Now, listen. Here comes that bold.
brazen Albright woman, and If I served
her right ia cut her dead. the loud.
lashy creature. and IL you say anything
more than good-uay to her I shall GER
tainly-(Why, my dear Mrs. Albright.
how do you do today? Isn't 1t a de-
lightful AFTERNOON? Just facing the
world for the first time today? Well, my
dear, you know how grand the air Is out
here, and you do look a bit tucked up,
declare -The shameless thing! Did you
see the way she was glancing over my
Shoulder at you all the time was talking
to her? Not that she could possibly care
the least little bit for you'll hope you are
not idiotic enough to imagine that-but
that sne's just crazy to have men kow-
towing to and groveling before her. the
awful bull-necked, pasty-faced. lumpy
creature, and beg Of you. for your own
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-06-13
BUNN
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times. and each time the examiner had
refused to approve his application. for
despite all these wounds he was in splcn-
did physical shape and could do a hard
days work with the huskiest day laeorcr
that ever lived. But / was mighty ie-
eretful that / couldn't do anything FIR
him. for he was certainly one terribly
SCARED veteran.
Why. Ware. | am astonished," critd
the President. and his tone indicated that
he meant every word he said: that ran
should be happy 10 have those honocaole
disfigurements. He should be willing TO
pay-actually pay-the government
bounty for them. The very idea OF a ran
honored by wounds like that asking for
pension.
Then the President dropped his voice
and his eyes grew bright
Il have never ceased to regret" he said
emphatically that did not lose an arm
or a leg in the Spanish American war. CT
else manage to secure some other kind OF
an honora BILE Disagreement. The nearest
l came to IL was when I was hit on tie
back OF the hand by a spent ball. which
merely raised a lump. oh. how I wish IL
had gone through. That at least would
have left some scar to show"
Gen. Howard glanced down at his
empty sleeve and Gen. Sickles shifted his
half-a-leg. Both shook their heads. They
simply could not adjust themselves to the
Presidents point of view. And l guess
IT'S a safe bet that mighty few people
could.
IRVING c. NORWOOD.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-06-13
o. @S%%e~4aR@~ ~ 20

middle Of B. Oldheld's nigh bunch OF
toes, but that didn't work out right
either for the simple reason that we
couldn't even move sideways. The wind
had us plastered in our place like a tor
against the side Of an icehouse. and so
we were reluctantly obliged to give up
our hope that we might somehow or
another be able to temporarily or perma-
nently MAIN Mr. Bernard Oldheld and
make him quit it,
When at length We pulled up a little
teenchy bit on the outskirts OF Dayton
II seemed about two minutes from one
point Of view since we'd left Cleveland
and about seventeen years from another
angle of consideration-we made certain
little moves indicating our desire TO be at
once unstrapped and let down in order
that we might walk back to Cleveland
We viewed the prospect of that little
1cO-mile walk back to Cleveland with the
greatest pleasure. We were fairly in
love with pedestrianism.
But B. Oldheld. he perceived our de-
sire and our purpose. and he just turned
the thing around. and We went right back
TO Cleveland at the same rate OF speed
We had lois of time to wait for lunch,
at l o'clock when We got back to Cieve-
land. too.
That was our one and sole experience
with and alongside of Speed Bug.
The experience. however. did not serve
to give US any calculation of the problem.
Why In the dickens is Speed Bug, any
way?
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-06-13

for fear of Earring the enamel loose from
her cracked face. How's that? Her nat
ural complexion? Ha. ha, ha! Well. I
always knew you were a ninny. but
never thought that Her natural skin?
Now do wish that when you get into
one Of these kittenish humors of yours
you, wouldn't attempt to guy me. for
simply will not stand it. You know just
as we'll as you know, you're alive that
that Hangon woman must get up long
before daylight every morning Of her life
to spread those cakey layers of porcelain
over her yellowish old face. Maybe the
crackbrained old back number isn't angry
at me just because, down at the sea-
shore last summer. accidentally on
purpose dropped into her room at the
hotel one night just to see what she
looked like with her layers of makeup
off-and mercy on us! If you ever saw
such a fright I honestly think you'd
fairly laugh yourself to death, deed / do!
Shed just finished steaming her face to
get that tinny cid stun of Of 1t, and Of
all of the millions of wrinkles and crows
feet and liver spots all over her fore
head and the. biotchiest saffron cheeks.
and her jowls just hanging in pouches,
and she had all of the rats out of her
hair, of course. and gracious sakes! how
she did glare at me when / said to her
that 1t must be such bore for her to
prepare for bed; but that it must be even
more wearing to get ready to meet the
world In the morning-really, I thought
she was going to tear my eyes out!
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-06-13

were the last words Cannon said to me
before he was drummed out. Three
months later I got a letter from him.
dated ST. Louis The letter told me that
he'd joined the St. Louis police force.
mot long after that this second lieu
tenant. Neil. began to go to the devil in
a canter. He started to souse up. once in
while at FIRST. but, later on. right reg
ularly. Now man cant carry the hao-
the officers line. Neil got himself dis
cipllned several times by the command
ing officer, and he came close to his
finish, about a year after Cannon was
bob-tailed. for showing up palpably
drunk on a day when 1t was his day for
an oficer-of-the-guard tour. The old
man smothered that. however. and gave
Neil another change. Two months later
Neil went up to the town. forty miles
away. got tanked up for fair. and did
all kinds of stunts. including the dupli-
cation Of his pay accounts. He got back
to the post four days overdue, still drunk,
and was put under arrest in quarters.
Then his duplication of his pay accounts
became known to the commanding officer.
and Neil found himself awaiting a gen.
eral court-martial. Having broken into
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-06-13

circling stars, they look you over more
or less tncredulously and shake their
heads and humble something about the
milking business. as performed by a nice
looking young woman with an innocent
face. being kind O. bold and brazen. for
all the Chaldean shepherds and things.
And yet. when, little while later, a
rather jowly young woman pops on to the
stage and begins to dance around on a
carpet in her bare feet. why. The deah
OIL Moo Yawkers consider that perfectly
all right, and never execute a blink over
1t. and give the bare-tootsied whirler
what is called the big mitt after she con-
cludes. and fetch her out again. and make
her swirl around some more on her I'M
draped pedals. So. a girl milking a COW
is-er-indelicate, while a girl dancing
with fee: and legs uncovered to the knees
is all proper. all proper and the chaste.
conventional candy. Wherefore l say.
show me the outlander who is able to
dope out the kinks. twists and idiosyncra-
cies of the Moo Yawk mental attitude to-
ward things!
For me. I should prefer to see twenty
milkmaids genuine or bogus) milking
twenty or more cows than to watch one
dancing in her bare feet and-um-limbs.
This latter spectacle is NOT pretty. 1t
IS NOT graceful. 1t is NOT Hellenic and
antique. 1t Is just ornery and common.
and the writer hereof. who never in this
wide. wide world has been accused of
smugness and things. found himself long
ing to see the barefoot dancing person go
away from there during all Of the time
she was dervishing around on her piece
of carpet.
Also. at this same roof garden. was seen
that Russian danceress who was imported
recently after being signed up to dance
in these parts at the uniform rate of
5000 roubles per minute. and no rebate
publicity promoters figures. which. being
revised. probably mean about a hundred
and a half a week and a little stack Of
cerise trading stamps.
Well. you will be told elsewhere that
this Russian danceress Is for grace.
po'try of motion, ''ten-neek," and all such
that she IL all the bonbons ever manu-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-06-13

an officers uniform from the ranks he
didn't have any friends to intercede for
him at Washington, so the court-martial
promptly cashered him in disgrace
wrote and told Cannon about this. and
got telegram in reply that consisted OF
but one word. besides the signature:
Hunk. Ned
II served out my enlistment and went
back home to ST Louis. where Ned Gan
non put me next to the way to get on the
police force. and 1 made it. That's part
l of the story.
lone afternoon Ned Cannon was pa.
trolling his beat in st. Louis-he was
still a patrolman-when he happened UP
against a drunk. The drunk was a flne-
looking man. but very poorly dressed
He had book under his arm. He was a
book agent. He was former lieutenant
Neil, and Cannon recognized him.
Cannon took Neil to his own home
and sobered him up. He got Neil into
shape. Why he did it 1 don't nnow.
asked him how 1t was that he was car.
ing for his old enemy that way-asked
him number Of times-put he never
answered me. I don't understand It yet
Ned put some clothes on NeiI's back
and got Neil to looking fine. strong and
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-06-13
o.. @S\ %@%8sR@7N 49, 20

clear-eyed Then Ned did some politics
for Neil. and got the former lieutenant
a Job in one of the ST. Louis city depart
ments as clerk. Neil remained sober and
got along fine He and Cannon were al
ways seen together when both were OF
duty at the same time.
When the Spanish war broke out. both
fell to hankering for soldering. That
hankering is liable to hit a man through
life who's ever worn a uniform on land
or seal know. Neil and Cannon. from
talking about 1t. became possessed OF
the craze TO go TO the Philippines. and
they cast around for tip on an outfit
that was bookeu to go there. They got
the tip and they both threw up their jobs
and Joined a Philippines-bound outfit as
buck privates. Cannon under his right
name and Neil under an assumed one.
because he'd been cashiered ana there
fore wasn't eligible for enlistment under
his own name.
They were killed when fighting side
by side before Malolos. then Aguinaldo's
capital. When Ned Cannon stood to at
tention and answered to his n1.ne and
number on the yon side Of the Dig divide
I'll bet he gets a white mark for NOT
bearing malice"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-06-13

If.:.::-.
IL: :...:- =.
SMME

'girly' colloquialisms of seminary origin
and pink tea perpetuation, but the real.
genuine slang of the street. with some
original ground and lofty work thrown in.
The why of all this is that used to know
a man-who. by the way. has risen to a
position of considerable prominence in
the government service right here In
Washington-who was the most abject
victim of slang conversation that ever I
heard tell of. He simply couldn't utter
three undecorated words in any one SEN
tence. and half an hours conversation
with him was just the same as attending
a Paine's fireworks exhibition.
Then he got married. She was from
New Bedford Mass, which Is just like
Boston. only more SO. and while nice and
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-06-13

tenant. had got Cannon into the orderl
room on some pretext or other and gross
~ insulted him. and Cannon. unable to
hold himself in any longer. had opened
up on the mustang officer. and would
have struck his tormentor had not the
top sergeant of the company leaped be-
hind him and pinioned his arms
Cannon got six months hard labor at
the hands of the general cohrt-martial.
and a bob-tail besdes-that is. dishon-
orable discharge from the service-for 1t
is pretty serious thing for an enlisted
man to be even accused of attempting to
strike a commissioned officer.
Now. here was the case Of good SOL
dier who really got the worst of 1t at the
hands of commissioned ofhcer-a thing
that. as matter of fact doesn't often
happen in our service. where justice be-
tween officer and man is the rule. When
Gannons six-month bit In the clink was
up he was escorted to the gate by file
of the guard. l gave him bum suit OF
civilians clothes that 1 had IN my box
and we all Clipped in and slipped him a
ten-dollar note with which to make
some kind of hike. Wed. have given
him more. but it was between ray days.
"1'll get square with that hombrey,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-06-13

patches stated, one Of her eyes.
Oldfield was the original buzz-wagon
speed bug.
This writer once asked him just why
he was speed bug. Barney didn't know.
Therefore he couldn't reply.
All the same. that was a fair question:
Why is a speed bug?
Because. as straightout matter Of fact.
this speed mania is abnormal. Very few
people extract any pleasure from the bust
ness of riding in a motor car that is
pushed to the last notch of its speed.
There isn't any fun in it. Death sits too
close to permit of any fun. There isn't
anything much finer than lolling back in
a nice. large, roomy automobile and being
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-06-13

Of our company. a second lieutenant. who
lad got his shoulder straps via the mus
tang route-that Is. by promotion from
the ranks. Well call this second lieuten-
ant Neil which is close enough, too.
This Neil you may suppose. was a top
notch soldier. for dubs don't pass the ex-
animation for promotion from the ranks
in the American army. He was a pretty
decent officer to the men. besides-to all
Of them. that is to say. except my buhkie,
Ned Cannon. He sure did have it In bad
for Cannon. I never knew why. and l
don't know yet. But the way Neil rubbed
it in on Cannon was a shame. He had
Cannon broke to the ranks soon after I
hit the outfit, for some trivial cause con-
nected with guard duty. Cannon didn't
say much, but the line Of thinks he must
have entertained with regard to the sec
ond lieutenant was occasionally shown in
the blaze In his eyes when they lit upon
the young mustang officer. Two months
after he broke him. this second lieuten-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-06-13

L
git hunk is t. wait long enough
THESE narrowing tales that popped in
1 the saffronesque papes few days
ago about there being thousands of
children attending the New York schools
IN a starving condition, should be swal-
lowed with about as much salt as it takes
to season the soup of regimental mess
during the autumn maneuvers and then
with some salt
It is always to be remembered that in
this town the main element of the ,popu-
lace belongs to the Observation-Disclosures
nothing class. 1t Is not overstepping the
bounds of reason to say that about three
fifths Of the people Of this town who
have children attending the schools-I
speak nov of the East Side hordes-
would very willingly: not to say eagerly.
permit the municipality of Greater New
York to feed their children altogether at
the public expense. In fact. there are
lot of people down that way not long
through the gates of the immigration
station who's quite blandly ask the question.
in their various languages and dialects,
why should New York. being rich. NOT
feed our children at the public schools?"
Moreover. there are slews and slathers
Of school children over here belonging to
the aforementioned element who pull this
starvation dodge as a method Of evoking
sympathy, and as a pretty certain means
Of getting day or two off from their
studies Some Of these youngsters are
pretty adept at the art Of malingering
Some starving East Side young 'uns
were taken out to be fed by a sympa-
thetic teacher not long ago The kids
had just about all they could do to eat.
They really we're stuffed. but they were
working a neat little getaway gag. Ad-
ditionally. lot Of children have worked
this starving stunt with. the effect of
having their teachers visit their homes
to find out about their conditions. In a
great many cases the teachers have
found that the children were provided at
home with all the food that they could
possibly eat. and the youngsters who
have thus endeavored to hold up their
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-06-13

ant got Cannon in the clink on the charge
Of neglect of duty while on post as a
sentinel.
Cannon narrowly escaped a general
court-martial on that charge. which I'M
questionably was trumpet up. and the
summary court gave Cannon thirty days
with labor. So Ned had to follow around
the slop cart every morning. a sentry
with a loaded rife behind him, and flush
the sewers of the post, and saw and split
wood. and dig gravel and whitewash out
houses. and in general work out his I'M
just sentence from fatigue call in the
gray dawn until late in the afternoon
when recall went. He set his jaw pretty
hard as he took the game as it swung
along. When he got out and resumed
duty he told me that there was murder
in his: heart for that second lieutenant.
"Ill get hunk with him. he told me
with savage quietness. If it takes me
twenty years. I'll play even it'll that
one all right
Ten days later Cannon was in the
guardhouse again. awaiting trial by gen.
eral court-martal. Neil. the second lieu
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-06-13

vestment will pay fine dividend eve at
the sliced rates, and that they want just
about all of the riding trade that Is to
be had In and around New York Incident
ally. they are coming In for considerable
commentator for cutting their carrying
charges in two even before they had been
asked by the public to do SO.
And nobody feels in the least bit sorry
for the hackmen and cabmen and such
like drivers of horse-drawn vehicles, who
are being put out of business literally In
battalions by the taximeter cabs. For
long. long years this town. more than any
other on the civilized globe. was at the
mercy of the carriage and cab people,
who were without any sense of common
fairness or even decency in fixing their
hauling charges. They openly violated
the municipal ordinance regulating vehicle
rates, and were aided in violating the
ordinance by politicians with whom they
stood in. They'd haul strangers, DESTROYS
of going little distances. around the block
for half an hour or so, and then soak
them upon reaching the destination which
could have been reached in three minutes,
about three or four dollars for the job.
and If the stranger kicked they were
either pummeled or dragged to the police
station. where Che police authorities be-
reasons best known to them they were
usually held for appearance in the police
court If they still baked at the extortion.
In addition. it would have been difficult
to find, anywhere. Such pack or humans
as most of the hack and cab drivers Of
New York used to be before the public
gas-giss with the distance registering ap-
paratus came along. It is pretty soft.
now. to step into one Of these handsome
new taxicabs and roll around through the
park for a couple of hours. with a civil
sort of a chap and an obliging one doing
the motoring. and onl.- be set back
couple of dollars when the outing is at an
end.
The dri,,are - TIA y,uby;c horsa x,ah,cl>.
of course, hate the taxicab people with
vindictive. vitroiic hatred. but that
doesn't matter, you know. The taxicabs
are getting all or most of the traffic. and
the poor mouth that is being pulled by the
DULLES who used to have things all their
own way isn't having the least effect upon
the people who suffered so long at the
New York Jehus' hands. Time Is the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-06-13

by extracts from the following CONVERSE
ton to which she staked him while he sat
with her on the veranda:
We'll of all the dowdy. frumpish.
thrown-together imitation. would-bes Of
women. never saw the like In all my
born
Look there comes that, crazy old Bee
yung woman fixed up like somebody
about eighteen years old. and II you have
her stop here for talk shall certainly
get up and leave-now, remember! It
she's not a grandmother she ought to be-.
and the way she filters and giggles all
over the place. ogling the fools Of young
men that crowd around her-of course.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-06-13

parents for poverty or meanness have
in a delightful number of cases been
soundly whaled by their elders:
But it is a proven fact that literally
thousands of parents Of these East Side
children in attendance at the public
schools actually expect the city Of New
York to feed their offspring. and II is a
proven fact also that in order TO bring
about such consummation great many
of them have positively sent their young
ones to school hungry. and with explicit
instructions to the children to make it
known to their teachers that they were
hungry.
It is painful to have to put the bee on
all of these heart breaking and slow
music yarns about the poor Of New York,
but one has only to engage In a half
hour interview with any intelligent East
Side school teacher to learn heap OF
things as to what the parents of school
children in this town want and expect
The parents are going to win. all the
same Arrangements already have been
made to establish feeding station for
LOGO public school children, 10 be run at
the city's expense. After a while. pre-
sumably. 10 900 young ones will be fed in
the same way, and in due course Of time
the East Side vote being always a prop
osition to be reckoned with-maybe all
the school children of Greater New YORK
will be nutritied at the expense of the
taxpayers
AN a fine, level stretch of boulevard
~ leading from one OF the Brooklyn
cemeteries one afternoon recently saw
a thing that could only happen in or
around this burg. That same was a
race-uh-huh. a sure enough race-be-
tween a couple of automobile hearses.
How? You did not know that they've
got automobile hearses here? They
have, though. plenty OF them. Very
handsome. modish outfits. too. these au-
tomobile hearses. But I'd never seen
a race between a couple of them till
this afternoon I'm writing about The
bodies were not IN the hearseS at the
time They had been duly deposited in
the cemetery and tie automobile
bearses of the two funeral cortegeS
happened t. reach the exit gate of the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-06-13

He husband Of the
homely woman was
trying to have a
restful Sunday aft
ernoon for himself.
He was sitting with
his spouse on the
veranda Of a resort
not far from Wash L.
ington. The quail
ity of restfulness
which he gained
will be indicated
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-06-13

o, one COW and an
imitation milkmaid
do not make a sum-
mer vacation. even
II such a combina-
ton, working to-
gether (the former
passively. the latter
actively. is sup
posed to contribute
to an evenings roof
garden entertain
m emit for n e w
Workers. The COW,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-06-13

OTHING in the
whole wide world
is SO absolutely
distressing to a
properly. If some
what esthetically.
reared young per-
son of the fem
mime gender than
a line of modern
slang. ! don't
mean by that just
a collection of