The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1908-07-10
~B9g Stick Falls From hceptor
To Be Caught Up by Nebraskan
And AS the Hands That Held 1t in the White House
Relax, 1t Is Swung Over the Con
vention at Denver.
By ]. c. WELLIvER.

DENVER, July 1O-One T Roosevelt.
Of Oyster Bay, is regarded as the orig
inaI inveE or. patentee, and sole user
OF the Big Stick-or was. At about the
time this ep0ch-making invention was
perfected, the process-p patent for speak
ing softly was put forth as a twin in
ventlon by the same mechanician. but
nothing was done with it. Soft speaking
was abandoned in the RoOseveltian
shop, a.-1 the plant devoted exclusively
to Big Stickery. It did business.
Far and wide the bitches and cutters
were filed with shapeless cadavers OF
people who came within the lethaI
swing Of the Big Stick. Whenever any
unidentified corpse was picked UP with
its head in a separate department II
went into T. RS. political graveyard
with the rest Of the victims OF the lolo-
caust.
History was made so fast that they
never had time 70 remove the basting
threads. The Big Stick whiried on in
/ the disturbed, not TO say worried, at
/ mosphere of national affairs, until the
1 onlookers grew dizzy. and adopted the
I expression OF n Rawhide faro dealer
| WIN he went OF duty after cleaning
cut he camp, shot a man who ques-
I lion ! the layout. and. heaving A sigh
| as calculated the profits. said: 1T
/ beats business how hell keeps up"
! After the little financial tie-up of last
! October, this characterization Of Big
! Stickery was an especially popular one
/ IN lower broadway and wall Street
TT beats business" said New York.
/ ''how hell keeUs upt''
"Big Stick" Slips.
Nobody thought that there existed an
arm In the world herculean enough 10
/ wisld our own T. RS Big Stick. Lots
! Of people we're quite contented with this
/ limitation TO human strength. T. R.,
TO be sure. had Big BIZ In training
/ for the STUNT when he should put of
/ the gym. suit and go to the shower
! bath. The Chicago convention met cow
! ering and cringing at every brandish-
/ ing Of the Rooseveltian truncheon.
We regard with love approaching
! fanaticism," said the convention. "our
/ great and wonderful President; and II
you won't hit US with that thing. wen
nominate any one you say, darn It alli''
! They nominated Taft.
/ In the very moment OF announcing
! the vote, the Big Stick slipped from the
! ROoseveltian fist. rolled out OF the
/ W llLE LlUuoC uUDl anu Oul OA SlBlll- ne
! convention in Chicago doubled Up its
I fists knuckled the schOolbOy tears :rom
/ its eyes, rubbed its bruises. and drew
! a long breath-the first free breath Il
! had enjoyed.
( The Big Stick had ceased to threaten.
! The master stin sat at the desk In the
! White House but his ferule was gone.
The "Take-Taft-or-Take- threat
was empty wind from the time that
/ vote was announced T. r. had abdi-
| Gated the Big Stick. The convention
became crowd Of husky. unruiy, de-
! fiant boys, and when the Roosevelt
| orders came as TO platform and Vice
! President, the condition was one OF
plain insurrectiOl.
| ''Mr Loeb" said T. r, 'the Big Stick
| lust rolled out of the door. Please hand
It 10 me. I've a little Job Of licking to
/ dov'
IT'S gone said LOsh sStsE IOoktns