davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Utah County Democrat. [volume] (Provo City, Utah) 1898-1909, 1908-11-28

One rule Of the original Olympic
games could not be followed nowadays
without provoking serious trouble.
Women were not allowed to be pres.
emit. or even TO be anywhere In the
district when the games were being
celebrated ON pain OF being hurled
from a preclpitous rock. This rule Is
believed to have been dehed only
once. when the offender was pardoned
In consideration OF the fact that her
father brothers and son had been vic
tors In the games. One particular
priestcss. however. was not only ex'
empt from this law, but was accom-.
modated with special front seat on
an altar of white marble, and women
were allowed TO enter charlots for the
races. though they might not be pres
ent TO see them win.
The Utah County Democrat. [volume] (Provo City, Utah) 1898-1909, 1908-11-28
Their Names Were Mile and TlIIIs.

Their Names We're Mile and TilIIs.
that caused the conductor to think
the train had struck Wild West
show.
During the rest of the trip Buck
was nailed TO his seat
Every time he tried to use the elias
tic In his neck. the wife would burn
him with hard. cold glitter.
The Roast-Beef Sisters seemed to
be all carved up about something or
other.
The drummers went back to the
shop. and we're selling things again
when sledgeheimer futtered down
among us.
Maybe you've never met ,Jakey
Sledgeheimer,
He travels for a firm In Brooklyn
that makes imitation grapefruit and
rubber finan haddie.
jakey is the LATEST loosener that
ever tied string around a roll.
The boys call him putty because
he's the next thing 70 pane.
He's such stingy loosener that he
looks at you with one eye SOS not to
waste the other.
II YOU ask sledgeheimer what time
It is he takes of four minutes as his
commission for telling you.
Slim said sledgeheimer to Arthur
Shaw, do you smoker"
II was q Knockout.
In the annals OF the road no one
could look back to the proud day when
Sledgeheimer had coughed.
Once, so the legend runs, he gave
porter nickel, but Il was afterward
discovered that sledgeheimer was
asleep, and not responsible at the
time, so the purter gave II back.
sledgeheimer tried 10 collect three
cents interest for the time the porter
kept the nickel. and the conductor had
TO punch his mileage and his nose be-
fore he'd let 60
And now sledgeheimer had asked
Slim il he smoked,
slim was pale but game.
"Sometimesl" he answered.
DO you like goot seegargr Queried
Sledgehclmer.
Ne lnoLad- Lev +..+4--s--ra-+rrt-- rrr mt Il
COW any minute now.
"SureT said Slim. weak all over.
"Vell,' said sledgeheimer here is
my brudderin-laws card. He makes
dot Grass Widow seegar on Sigsth
Avenue Gil him cali ind mention
my name, He viii be glat 70 see you.
yet
Then sledgeheimcr went away back
and sat down.
The Utah County Democrat. [volume] (Provo City, Utah) 1898-1909, 1908-11-28

ON THE
DRljNaME
BOYS
sy GEO. v. tiosART. C"HUoH M'HUoH.)

The laugh was on Slim. so he dared
us all into the cafe. and after he got
busy with the button we all voted In
favor Of Monticello highball.
After we had dampened our thirsts'
Bill Burress showed us how Hammer
stein would Americanize "Bingen on
the Rhine Bill called It Der EN-
pire," In honor OF the Empire State
Express, Frank westerton said. Eng
llsh joke-rottenl) This Is how BIZ
spelled II:
An Empire OF der Big League lay
dying, full init fears; dare vas lack OF
players nursing; aber nit OF players
tears. but cop policeman watched him
vile his life's bleed ebbed away, und
bent init pidying glances to hear vot
The Utah County Democrat. [volume] (Provo City, Utah) 1898-1909, 1908-11-28

Dear Bunch In that crowd OF swift
drummer boys going New yorkward In
the Mr.. Pullman's sleep-wagon yester
day, one OF the speediest was Buck
Jones.
Bucks wife and three-yearold
were travelling with him, but he wasn't
giving II out through megaphone.
Buck is one Of those goose-headed
guys who begin 10 scratch gravel and
start In TO make killing every time
they see pretty girl.
Across the aisle seat sat two pet
canaries from Plainheld, N. J.
They were members of the Sou
brette Singing society, and they were
en- route to the west to Join the Bunch
OF Birds Burlesque Company"
Their names were Mile and Tillie,
and they wore Merry widow hats. and
did sister act that contained more
bad grammar than an East Side pin
ochle game.
Mile was fully aware that she
could back Duse on the map, and TIL
lie was ready to bet weeks salary
that she could make Bernhardt feel
like she was out in the storm we had
day before yesterday.
Slim called them the Roast-Beef
Sisters. Rare and Well-Done.
In minute the castors on Bucks
neck began TO turn.
Slim put us wise with a wink, so we
III the fire and began to cook II up.
Bucks heart was warming for the
birds in the gilded cage.
'rhe real Kibo," said Slim; "its a
plain case OF Appomattox; the war Is
over and they are yours, Buck!"
Buck turned few more volts into
his twinkling lamps.
Lower your mail-sail Buck, and
drop alongside; you've made the land
ing" suggested Burress.
Buck began to feel his necktie and
play patty-cake with the little bald
spot on the top OF his head
Stop the hanson and get out;
you're at your corner" said Dave.
The Sweet Dreams across the way
We're giving Buck the glorious eye
roll. and he felt like dinner was ready.
Hang up your hat. Buck. and gather
the myrtle with Marylr Clipped in.
Then Buck bounced over and be-
gan to show Mile and Title what a
handsome brute he was at close quar-
ters.
He sat on the arm of the seat and
warmed up.
The Utah County Democrat. [volume] (Provo City, Utah) 1898-1909, 1908-11-28

light and dryness OF the best modern
plumbing more comfortably than they
did In the damp and nth and darkness
OF the past We thought the modern
ship would abolish them. but the Lus-
iIania has as many rats as had the
Columbus caravels. And hero
He made an awed gesture.
And here find rats In our cold
storage rooms at temperatures that
freeze the breath and cause II to fall
in the form Of snow. TO and fro they
prowl, their coats ere thick and warm
like fur, and with frost ON their whis-
kers they feed heartily on meat and
game frozen TO rocklike hardness"
The Utah County Democrat. [volume] (Provo City, Utah) 1898-1909, 1908-11-28
LIah. and pain.

Light Is good for toothache.' said
the doctor, Darkness is bad for a.
II you are a toothache sufferer. haven't
Won often noticed how the nalu In s-ea,i r
Jaw increases whom late at night you
furn on the lamp and Try TO sleepg
Light you see. Is good for the tooth
ache There are a number OF diseases
Il is good tor-~asthma. cold IN the
head. earache These diseases In the
dark all grow worse
Darkness IS good for sick h.
ache aud for neuralgia aud Cor n
The Utah County Democrat. [volume] (Provo City, Utah) 1898-1909, 1908-11-28

The Teacher--In this beautiful
verse. children, the poet says the
flowers were moistened by the dew.
Do any OF you know what moistened
means?
Little Jane--Pieasc. teacher. know.
Me an Tommy Green and Sissy Pratt
was playin' on tn dock an Tommy
fell In tn river an got moistened.--
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Utah County Democrat. [volume] (Provo City, Utah) 1898-1909, 1908-11-28

There's no doubt that women are
fickle." said Mr.. Growcher.
Il hope you don't mean me-" said
his wife.
yes. do. Here you are saying this
seasons hats are perfectly adorable
We'll. they are
"And year or so ago you were
talking the same way about hats
which you now describe as utter afro
citiesl"
The Utah County Democrat. [volume] (Provo City, Utah) 1898-1909, 1908-11-28
His Friends opinion.

Il have been married. four times.
and yet often fear that do not un-
derstand women"
The fact that you have been mar
ried four times ought 10 remove from
your mind all doubts concerning tho
matter. Chicago Record-Herald
The Utah County Democrat. [volume] (Provo City, Utah) 1898-1909, 1908-11-28

A clerk In Liverpool (Eng) oilic
vas sitting at his desk during a
ent thunderstorm. when what he q,
RIDES as ball OF liame struck T.
zen In his hand, producing startlh
eport, CuriousIy enough. the pc,
vas not damaged. nor did tho cler'
himself suffer any injury.
The Utah County Democrat. [volume] (Provo City, Utah) 1898-1909, 1908-11-28

Ogden Mills Reid. only son Of White.
law Reid. publisher OF tho New York
Tribune, has begun work as reporter
on his fathers paper. Young Mr.. Reid.
41-la - - ~
Of the class OF 1904. Subsequently he
took a course Of the Yale law school.
The Utah County Democrat. [volume] (Provo City, Utah) 1898-1909, 1908-11-28

Really" said Miss Planeley. Il con
slider II a very good portrait Of me
Don't you think II would be wise 70
have II enlargedy''
why - er = yes,' replied Miss
Brakes. but then you'd have to make
tho mouth and ears larger, too, would
MT your"
The Utah County Democrat. [volume] (Provo City, Utah) 1898-1909, 1908-11-28

The attendant came out OF the cold
storage room with an awed look
Rats are wonderful" he said 1--WE
thought modern plumbing would abol-
ish them. but they live In the clean
The Utah County Democrat. [volume] (Provo City, Utah) 1898-1909, 1908-11-28
Ss+.,Ns.se4s


Don't complain" said Uncle Eben
~ You End dat somebody has an az
--'s-r-rfrr- Y-0uS lucky desc days H.
when you gifts through turnin' dc
grindstoue, he doesn't ham you de ak
an speck you TO do his chopin for
i'm. Washington Star
The Utah County Democrat. [volume] (Provo City, Utah) 1898-1909, 1908-11-28

also drew from lie and that at that
time there stili lived in Europe such
creatures closely related to the com
mon ancestors OF man and ape. The
artists themselves remain mysteries
The Utah County Democrat. [volume] (Provo City, Utah) 1898-1909, 1908-11-28
jack Frost.


Oh. Jack Frost Is coming.
That mischIevous sprite;
To start things a-humming
Is just his delight.
He gives young cheeks posies.
And reddens old noses.
And pinches folks toeses.
TIL they cry outright.
A wonderful artist
Is Master Jack Frost;
He brings from afar. mist
Which lightly Is tossed
In pictures fantastic
With fancy elastic
In fairy forms plastic.
On window panes crossed.
The bare trees he covers
In glistening dress.
Ger which sunlight hovers
In diamonded press:
He makes OF snow Wilderness
A fairyland brightness.
All sparkling with lightness,
In dream ioveliness.
The children they love him
For sport that he brings;
About him. above him.
Their merriment rings:
II makes one grow mellow
To hear how they yell. oh.
A right welcome fellow
Is merry Jack Frost
Josh Wink
The Utah County Democrat. [volume] (Provo City, Utah) 1898-1909, 1908-11-28

sea. Haven't you noticed II? Light
and darkness are remedies
recognized at last; and today We pre-
scribe them the same as we do quinine
The Utah County Democrat. [volume] (Provo City, Utah) 1898-1909, 1908-11-28

A serious menace 10 health is
threatened at Nahant by the large
quantity OF FISH which have been
thrown up on the beaches and rocks
following. Il Is beyiayea- ..l...--..~--sr,r-
dnce OF porpoises and large flsh sun.
posed 10 be whales.
Although the fishermen gather them
as fast as the tide recedes. many arc
overlooked. Il is The opinion OF the
natives that the FISH, which include
mackerel' bake, pollock and herring
Ell small In size. have been forced
ashore by thr larger fish, which have
invaded the waters recently.-Boston
Transcript
The Utah County Democrat. [volume] (Provo City, Utah) 1898-1909, 1908-11-28
New Ylrks RapId oroMth.

Inside Of ~ years New York prom.
ises 20 be the largest city on the
earth, II Is now growing more than
six times as fast as London.
The Utah County Democrat. [volume] (Provo City, Utah) 1898-1909, 1908-11-28

But how will you find goodg II Is
not a thing Of choice; II Is river that
nows from The foot OF the Invisible
Throne. and flows by the path Of ODE
oience. -~George Eliot.
The Utah County Democrat. [volume] (Provo City, Utah) 1898-1909, 1908-11-28
o O O
Fatality

run over a COW this morning up above
concyvilie," said the brakeman 10 q re-
porter. How did II happen" asked ths
reporter. 'She was drinking out OF
creek under bridge" shouted the brake
man as he swung on 10 the last ear and
went grinning out OF town.-Batesville
tArk) Enterprise
The Utah County Democrat. [volume] (Provo City, Utah) 1898-1909, 1908-11-28
Rae Tlnne.

Short stories are bound to be popu
lar with the man who Is running his
own hot-water heating plant He can
read one between trips to the cellar
II he hurriesl
A well-known lecturer is fooling
away his time giving lecture on
Turkey. Why should married men
attend lecture like that? Don't
their wives talk Turkey to em every
night?
An Iowa man. bachelor. says when
ne gets married he is going to marry
a woman that can make pumpkin pie
Geel n that's all he wants. | know a
Niger nanny down south that will
suit him TO ct"
A Colorado loved one has just won
suit for $4,000 against young man
who wrote her endearing missiyes and
married another woman. And to think
he might have pleased her even more
by sending her candy, that her little
brother would have eaten. and flowers
that would have wiltedl
= 4 4
"A New York man was saved from
drowning by his cork leg which kept
him from sinking when he couldn't
SWIM" says an exchange We are to
presume. suppose, that the editor re.
fers to water and not booze. Even
man with cork leg can. drown In
champagne--lf he has the price.
The Utah County Democrat. [volume] (Provo City, Utah) 1898-1909, 1908-11-28
WORTHY OF FLAG SHE CARRIED

Copyright, 1908, BY G. W, Dillingham; Co
The San Francisco call., 1908-05-13

HOSPITAL STEWARD
ensured BY JURY
Declare All Emergency Cases
Should Be Attended by the
Surgeon in Charge
Sailor With Fractured Skull
Treated for Laceration and
Sent to Jail


The eoroner's Jury in the case of
Soren Sorensop, a sailor from the
steamer Titania, who was found lying
in an unconscious condition at Pacific
and Montgomery streets about two
weeks ago. and who died from the ef-
fects of a fractured skull. returned a
verdict yesterday finding that the de-
ceased came to his death from causes
unknown.
The jury recommended that proper
authorities take steps to see that all
emergency, hospital patients are eS>
amined by a regular physician and
surgeon before they are discharged.
Sorenson was treated at the harbor
hospital by steward for lacerated
wound of the scalp. He was then
taken to the police station and charged
with drunkenness. When sober he was
discharged and found his way to the
Titania. After being on board a, short
time he complained of severe pains In
his head and he was taken 20 the
cruiser Charleston, where the surgeon
operated on him for fractured skull.
The operation was not performed in
time, however. and Sorenson died the
next day.
The jury. declared that the man
should have had the attention of the at
tending physician and blame the stew
ard for not calling the doctor and at
tempting to treat a fractured skull as
a surgeon would treat "a lacerated
wound.
The San Francisco call., 1908-05-13
WOMAN'S BREAST
FOR CANCER
Any Lump in Wonan's
Breast Is Cancer

A new book of the most wonderful
discoveries on the cure Of cancer ever
written has been recently published by
DR. S R. Chamley. the notable cancer
specialist who has for many years had
offices at $50 McAIlister street. San Fran
cisco, Cal. and has effected thousands
OF wonderful cures OF cancers that have
been pronounced incurable by other
physicians. He successfully proves his
astounding statement that ANY lump
in woman's breast is cancer in this
book. He has so much confidence in his
ability TO cure cancer that he Offers
$1,000 if he fails TO cure any cancer he
treats before it poisOns deep glands.
He has devoted almost the whole OF his
professional life-nearly forty years
to this speciality and has reduced il to
a SCIENCE that has not been approached
by any other physician. He performs
no operation with the knife and his
treatments are painless
The book and hts cures are creating
a sensation among medical men. who
recommend him as being strictly reIi-
able. The reader may save a life by
sending this TO some one with cancer.
The San Francisco call., 1908-05-13
INSPECTOR TOBIAS" IS
CAUSE OF COMMOTION
DIR. Blues Aid in Postoffice Dug
Out From Under Huge
Pile of Mail

Piercing screams, followed by q re-
sounding crash, aroused the employees
OF the San Francisco postofffce yester-
day from their usual placidity. A rush
was made to the Mission street side
of the building and here a large heap
OF mail matter lay on the floor.
Screams and means were neard fssu-
ing from the pile and instantly all in
the mailing room started to. rescue
whoever was unfortunate enough to be
under the several hundred packages of
mail. Assistant Postmaster McClaughry
heard the shrieks. and he, too, rushed
to the rescue
The herculean task of removing the
several hundred packages was at last
accomplished. Instead OF finding a
semiunconscious postal employe on the
postoffice floor the excited mailmen saw
Inspector Tobias Fisk contentedly
munching his chops and rubbing his
face
1t was several seconds before those
in the south wing of the postoffice re-
covered their normal senses. Inspector
Tobias is cat. He came into the post
office when DR.. Blue issued his order
OF war on rats. Inspector Tobias. in
searching for rodents, discovered what
he thought was a delicate morsel
among the mail matter and in leapfng
for 1T he overturned the huge pile of
mail.
The San Francisco call., 1908-05-13
JUROR is REBUKED- FOR
FAILURE TO CONVICT
Vote Is Eleven for Conviction
and One for AcquittaI in Case
Against Milk Dealer

jury in Police Judge Cabaniss'
court yesterday In the case of Peter
Loustelot, proprietor of the Alpine Rose
dairy, 1921 Twenty-second avenue
South, charged with violating the milk
law by selling milk. containing 10 per
cent of added water, disagreed. Eleven
voted for conviction and one for acquit-
tai
The Judge took occasion to adminfs-
ter a scathing rebuke to the juror who
voted for acquittal, saying that in view
of the evidence adduced he was a fit
subject for a lunatic asylum and ought
to be thoroughly ashamed of himself
He must be sorry sort of citizen TO
vote directly against the law and the
evidence, making 1t necessary to sum-
mon 40 other businessmen and take
them away from their business to try
the case again. The case was contin-
ued till May Is to be set. The Jurors
refused TO disclose the name of the Of
Tending juror.
Albert M Emhoff, another dairyman.
was convicted of violating the milk
law and was fined $25.
The San Francisco call., 1908-05-13
HOTEL LESSEE ASKS FOR
CANCELLATION OF LEASE
Mrs. TruesdelI Alleges That
Cooking Odors Render
Rooms Unteuantab1e

William B. Bradbury. the reputed
millionaire, who swears he is worth
nothing, his wife. Mary NJ Bradbury.
and the Bradbury estate inves tInent
company, were named as defendants In
a suit filed yesterday by Amelia W.
Truesdell, lessee of the Hotel Bradbury.
at Polk ond California streets, praying
that the lease be Cancelled.
Mrs. Truesdell rented the hotel for a
term of five years at $500 month. and
there was clause In the lease that no
store on the ground floor except the
most northerly store on the Polk street
side should be used for restaurant pur-
poses. The lessee claims that In VIOLA
ton of this clause the middle store has
been let for a restaurant and that the
smoke and odors from the cooking rem
ders one-third of the rooms untenant-
able.
Besides asking that the lease be can
celed, Mrs. Truesdell prays for the re-
turn of $1,000 deposited by her as secu-
rity for the payment OF rent.
The San Francisco call., 1908-05-13
DEsERTION is CHARGED
New York District Attorney Is
Silent on Fullerton Case

NEW YORK. May 12-When oues-
toned as TO the arrest OF Robert Full
lerton IN Seattle Assistant District At
torney Perkins. who procured the in
dictment against the young man, re-
fused to discuss the matter 1t is
charged that Fullerton. on September
%, took Gladys Hobart on the steamer
Trent bound for South American ports.
and that he deserted her IN south
America She finally got back to New
York and Fullerton, on February %.
1903. was indicted on a charge, result
ing from the trip.
Fullerton and the young woman, il
Is said, were co-eds at Cornell. where
they first met. and It is reported that
they were engaged to be married She
IS now said 10 be a school teacher Her
address could not be learned at the
district attorneys Office
ROmyn Berry, a lawyer. said today
that although he had heard Of young
Fullerton's arrest he had not enough
Information concerning the matter to
discuss IL.
I have represented the father in
several deals here" he said and I
knew Fullerton at Cornell ] under
stand that the son got into some trou-
bic while on a lark. but 1 know nothing
about il personally"
The San Francisco call., 1908-05-13
SEEKS ADJUSTMENT
OF MINERAL LANDS
State Mineralogist Anbury to
Confer With Officials at
Washington
Abuse OF Homestead Right Is
Alleged and Fight for Miners
to Be Made

state Mineralogist Aubury has gone
to Washington and will confer there
with leading men in the federal de-
partments in relation to matters that
concern the mineral lands situation in
California. He will also seek inter-
views with President Roosevelt. Sec
retary Garfield of the department of
general land office, Clifford Pinchot, and
possibly with others.
For number of years Aubury has
been engaged IN the work of trying to
have the rights of mineral lands claim
ants respected. Millions of acres of
mineralized lands and timber lands
nave been taken In by private parties
from the public domain. The discovery
OF vast frauds in several counties led
TO the extension of the government
forest reserves in this state. Abuse OF
the homestead act is bitterly COM
planned of in the mother lode region
and elsewhere. Aubury has personally
visited many localities and has photo
sraphed areas that are capped with
lava and in regions where great
amounts of treasure have been taken
from ancient California river channels.
These lands have been claimed to be
the millions of dollars in gold that hey
have produced
The statements that Aubury is pre-
pared to make are backed up by docu-
mentary evidence. Special reports have
been prepared by experts to cover
large areas of land that are alleged to
nave been fraudplently obtained.
among the matters that Aubury wishes
to have considered at Washington are
the rights OF miners in forest reserves
and the bill introduced by Congress-
man Englebright relative to the pro-
posed department OF mines, also the
protection OF mineral lands from iIIe-
gal entry. Aubury hopes to find out
just what the government can and will
do for the benefit of the miners The
held is wide. The homestead entries on
mineral lands will probably be called
to the personal attention of President
Roosevelt