davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1908-12-03
DR HARDAIAN,
SPECIALIST,

Diseases of the eye, ear, nose and
throat skilfuliy treated; spectaclcs
ana artificial eyes perfectly fitted.
spectacles made. lenses matched and
DANES repaired while you wait, us
THIRD st. 49, i.- .1'se.9.-
The Meeker herald., 1908-01-11
KEPT HIS ENGAGEMENT.
Was Ready to Maks Good on the Hot
Air Proposition.

I'm not much OF a hand at caves
dropping" said a thoughtful looking
man the other day. "but couldn't help
listening to the line of hot air. four
flush talk that fellow behind me on
the Euclid beach car a few nights
ago was handing to girl. He kept 1t
up all the way from East Ninth
street clear out to the beach.
Most of the talk he was getting
on was about the princely salary his
firm had to put up to keep him and
about how smooth he was.
Il turned around and looked at the
two Of them out Of the tail Of my eye.
and then l knew how he managed to
get away with 1t, for the girl was one
OF those wilted looking AFFAIRS that
would believe you II you told her you
were the man that built Niagara falls.
also turned my lamps on him and
he looked to me like a man
whom you could rob of an entire two
weeks salary and yet commit only
petit larceny.
But l couldn't help listening to his
talk. After awhile heard him give
the girl his telephone number Call
me up some afternoon when you're
down town. he said, and we'll have
lunch together
Il jotted down his phone number
and waited to get some clew to his
name. By and by I heard her call
him Frank, and thought that would
do.
Two days after that about noon !
had my stenographer call up his num-
Der and ask for Frank. Then had her
tell him that she wanted that lunch he
promised her on the Euclid beach car.
Frank was right In Tor it, and said
that he would go over and order a
lunch at a hotel that he mentioned
The girl promised to meet him in half
an hour. If he would go ahead and
order.
I'm about 20 minutes I went over
to watch developments. There sat
my hot-air neighbor of the beach car
at little table set for two, waiting
patiently waiting. went away
and came back for another look an
hour later, and he was still waiting"
Plain Dealer.
The Meeker herald., 1908-01-11
A Joke Astray.

An English clergyman confesses In
the London Tribune that once. rely
ing on his hearers fund of humor. he
made a joke at a public meeting,
and was sorry for it very soon after
ward.
He was the speaker at meeting in
Cornwall, and at the close Of his
speech was complimented on his
knowledge OF the Cornish dialect.
Well" he replied, that is easy
enough to understand, because l was
a minor myself until I was 81 years
Of age"
Very praiseworthy. indeed cried
out a gentleman from the audience;
and nobody seemed to realize that
every man was a minor until he was
Fl.
At the end of the week the clergy
man received copy Of the local news
paper containing an account of the
meeting. In response to a vote of
thanks" ran one paragraph, the rev.
erend gentleman explained his IA
miliarity with the Cornish dialect by
the fact that he himself worked in
the Cornish mines until he was 81
years of age."-Youths Companion.
The Meeker herald., 1908-01-11
MAhsFIELD's CAR PURCHASE.
Actor Bought Coach Built for Presl
dent Of Road.

The story Of Mr.. Manshelds pur.
chase of the fne private car he had
used for some time previous to his
death never has been told. Until
three years ago he had been hauled
around the country in car not in
keeping with the gate receipts. He
yearned for gaudier rolling stock. but
never found the opportunity to go
shopping for 1t.
While playing In Cincinnati his car
was hauled every night out to Fern
back, suburb. One evening he
called at the station for his car, In
company with Clarence Horton, an
assistant general passenger agent of
the Big Four, and on the siding he be-
held magnificent new private car
that made his look like an abandoned
caboose. He asked permission to in
spect it, and Horton conducted him
through it.
I've been looking for Just such a
car" said Mr.. Mansfield. I'D like to
buy this one
Don't think it's for sale," explained
Horton. THE car is new and Just ar
rived. 1t belongs to Mr.. M. E. Ingalls,,
president Of the road. and he has not
yet ridden In it."
See If you can't buy 1t for me-"
asked Mr.. Mansfield.
Mr.. ingalls, put what he believed to
be a prohibitive price on the car
$4,000.
And that must be paid on the
spot" he added. with a wink.
Horton reported this conversation
to Mr.. Mansfield. and the latter. with
out comment, wrote his check for the
amount. He left Cincinnati in the
new car.
The Meeker herald., 1908-01-11
A GOLDEN BALL.
British Soldiers Played the National
Game With Il.

Probably no game of ball, by pro.
fessional or college team, was ever
watched with such inner interest but
with such outward Indifference as one
described in Gertrude Vanderbilt's
Social History of Flatbush." 1t hap
pened in revolutionary times, when
the British soldiers were stationed on
Long Island. The Inhabitants had hid
den their valuables in all possible
places. One lady concealed some gold
coins in a ball-shaped pincushion OF
the kind worn by the Dutch house.
wife. suspended at her eide.
She was sitting sewing one day
when party of British soldiers en-
tered the room. A young officer. spy
ing what to him was a novelty. cut
with his sword the ribbon by which
the cushion was hung and began a
game Of ball.
Soon the rest Of the company Joined
the sport. Boisterously, from hand
to hand. the ball was batted to and
fro. 1t was roughly snatched and
tossed, and sometimes 1t fell into the
ashes Of the fireplace, and barely es-
capped conflagration. Now and again
a soldier would catch 1t on the tip of
his sword and send 1t spinning on
with rent in its side.
Every moment threatened to reveal
the precious contents. To show the
least anxiety was to betray the secret,
and the owner was forced to sit un-
moved, apparently intent on her work.
and to see her fortune flying through
the air, at the mercy Of the enemy. At
last the cushion, torn and battered.
but still guarding its treasure. was re-
turned to Its mistress, and the intrud-
ers, tired of their play. left the house.
Youths Companion.
The Meeker herald., 1908-01-11
GOSSIP OF THE STAGE.

Elsa Ryan has Joined the company
playing THE Belle Of Mayfair"
Alfred Sutro's latest play, THE
Barrier" is reported to be a disap
pointment In London.
James X. Hackett will open his
season In John Glaydes Honor" in
Milwaukee. next month. Mr.. Hack
ett's company will include Miss Oar
ragh, Miss Irene Moore, William
Sauter, David Glassford, George M
Graham, Lawrence Eddinger and Wal
ter B. Greene.
Nat C. Goodwin's repertory this sea
son will include Ambition" IAN
American Citizen" when We Were
Twenty-Five" THE Gilded Fool" "The
Genius" THE Rivals" In Mizzoura, y
and a new play by George Broadhurst
Indications are that Nat will have a
strenuous time. His season will open
in Baltimore.
Miss Flora Juliet Bowley. leading
woman with Robert Edeson in Glass
mates" comes of a military family
Her father. Capt. Freeman 8. Bowley,
was a West Pointer and lived and
died in the army. One Of her broth.
ers. Capt. Albert J. Bowley, IL also q
rIt Pointer and an aid-de-camp to
lin Yrant, while her younger broth.
and i,eman Bowley. is = cadet at
piiisf'oint. Her father was the au-
rei several military novels.
The Meeker herald., 1908-01-11
Brief and to the Point.

Leo Ditrichstein, who Is starring
this season in Before and After"
holds something Of reputation as q
story teller. Recently he submitted
the following in shortest short
story" game.
"A man, suffering terribly with
some internal upset. leaves his home
about three o'clock in the morning,
and dashes for the home Of the near.
est physician. Running up the steps
he rings the bell violently. and after
some moments have elasped a head is
thrust from an upper window and the
voice of the doctor said:
"'Well!'
Nope came the answer. Very
sick"
The Meeker herald., 1908-01-11
Prizes for Farmers.

Austria provides an object lesson
in dealing with waste lands. Prizes
are given to farmers to encourage
them to recover waste lands and
lay them down as pasturage. and
also to erect shelters or stables for
cows in high attitudes. The impor.
lance of this may be seen from the
statement that one-Quarter Of the
total fodder required for cattle ana
horses in the empire is derived from
Alpine districts.
The Meeker herald., 1908-01-11
IdIewild Fancies.

II Prof. Burbank would turn his
wonderful talent toward the propaga'
ton of a race of warm-footed women,
lot Of spine-chilled husbands would
crown him king Of all humanitarians.
suppose the tipsy man would argue
that it was better to have loved the
waxen lady in the show window than
never to have loved at all.
If this thing keeps up, Sunday din
ner will soon cost the price of my
weekly salary.
The Standard Oil may be a money
maker but l would like to have the
price of the heat that goes up the
chimney next winter.
A little man always should call
big man word that has to be looked
mp in the dictionary before it can be
understood.
The biggest book seller Of last
year was a conglomeration of stolen
Jokes sold on the train for 20 cents
This is enough to make George AIDE
glad he went into the play business.
II you have a skeleton In your closet,
Keep the door locked.
nf friendship. There is the friend
nat loans you money when you need
it and the friend who gives you bad
Up on the races.
1t Is better to be common plug
than perfect gent"
The teamster who empties the garb-
age can could tell lot about the
folks that live in the first floor fiat.
humorist, telling story OF Rich
ard Harding Davis, says Mr.. Davis
replied modestly to compliment.
That settles it. The story is fake.
Richard Harding Davis Is never mod
EFT
If a lot of fellows who are singing
to other people about being happy and
wreathing the face with smiles. would
practice what they preach. there
would be a great slump in dyspepsia
tablets
The Meeker herald., 1908-01-11
BEAR OLD AGE WELL.
Great Players Who Have Trod Boards
for Many Years.

Annie Yeamans, who has been upon
the stage for 81 years. has Just left it
for good. The last part she played
was that Of q grande dame in THE
Hurdy Gurdy Girl" a musical comedy
by Richard Garlic, who was not born
at the time that Mrs. Yeamans went
upon the stage.
Joseph Jefferson's span of years
touched both the theater of to-day and
the theater of the time of Edwin For
rest and Macready. Henry Irving.
whose life was a highly nervous one
and who did tremendous amount of
work, lived much longer in the excit-
ing air Of the theater than, according
to some of his medical friends, it
would be possible for him to have
lived in quieter atmosphere.
There was revived the other day the
romantic society drama chow strange
" that descriptive phrase falls upon
modern ears) Jim the Penman."
People who went to see 1t called 1t
an old timer. but the man who created
the part of Capt. Redwood. the detec-
tive with the English accent and the
habit Of falling asleep all over the
place, was E. M. Holland. who is still
acting. Although some plays have
survived generation after generation
Of actors. there are, on the other
hand, countless actors who haxe sur
vived countless plays.
Richard Mansfield was, compare
lively speaking. young man at the
time Of his death, and in this he diff
fered from most OF the other great
actors. Colley Cibber lived till he
became senile. David Garrrick passed
the last years Of his life in sylvan
retreat with his wife, who never found
her life long enough to permit her to
master the English language.
The Meeker herald., 1908-01-11
A. CLYDE Fitch Write,.

A matinee girl from Chicago looked
up from long and painful study of one
of Clyde Fftch's autographed senu-
ments into that authors face.
"Mr. Fitch" she began, mournfully,
Il know why you have not married."
Tell me. I would like to know"
Certainly. It must have happened
this way: You wrote q proposal Of
marriage to a beautiful leading wom-
an in one Of your companies. You
should have proposed in person. But
you wrote. She couldn't read your
writing and thought 1t was = dismis-
sal from the company. She drowned
herself. and you are still unmarried /"
The Meeker herald., 1908-01-11
Makina Home Happy.

A Chicago woman went to the
morgue last week to have her goitre
Cured by placing the arms OF a corpse
around her neck. Newspaper editors
who have aldermanic stomachs-and
are husbands-should seek reduction
O: that portion Of their anatomy by
applying the old ballad:
With your wife's cold feet in the middl,
of your back
There's no place like home"
The Meeker herald., 1908-01-11
A Happy Citizen.

Here is the cheering prospect Of
Georgia philosopher. who exclaims:
Ten acres in cotton. fifteen in water
melons, fine hopes OF hog and hominy-
ard Rockefeller would give a million dol
lars for my appetite"-Frank Stanton.
The Meeker herald., 1908-01-11
Copyright: 1907: by Byron wrllama

Copyright: 1907: by Byron Williams
Going Down.
Well.
Do tell!
As sure as sin
Here 1 am ngin
At the top of this column!
This makes me solemn.
For now. by cling,
I've got
to wife my way
down to the
bottom of
the thingi
Most folks they say,
Begin tother way
Start in the SCOT
At the foot
up toward
climb up.
1t makes me dizzy up so high,
That's WHY
try
To begin up here,
Unbottle my cheer
Uncork it wide
And climb
right down
to the common
folks side!
Some climb high
lords thu sky,
Then cough
And fall Off!
Not me,
You see
/ begin At the top Of the page
And earn my wage.
Rain or shine,
Lime for line.
Until
Gee, wasn't that steep!
Then I write "A pun
For fun;
Add a little pi1uant sauce
Some blue skies and moss.
A playful zephyr.
A Holstein heifer,
A rag and tag,
A bone and bag,
A bit of stream
Where the minnows CLEAN,
A flash of hue.
some lovers, too!
And stir
And purr
And purr
And stir.
Then strain the gun
And print the stun!
Oh. I'm game
1 sign my name
At the bottom Of it
And then I git!
There's one bad thing.
BY ging.
About this fun
You never
can tell
who's totem
a gun!
The Meeker herald., 1908-01-11
A Word from the Wise.

If there is one time more than an
0Sher," says an experienced married
man, when a woman should be left
alone. 1t is when line of clothes comes
d9wn in the mud
The Meeker herald., 1908-01-11

Intoxicated geese are apt to be
p'ucked. That is what happened to
Wisconsin flock that ate whisky.
snaked peas. It's the same way with
men
The Washington times., 1908-03-15
Nstlict DmldIrrg
7N6SS1Y YGH1T-
PACKAGE CROSSES
OCEAN FOUR TINES
Mrs. MorroW's Present Will
Start Out Again for
Capt Buford.

Secretary TafTs record as a globe
trOtter is almost IL not quite equaIed
BY package now reposing in the Of
flee OF Engineer commissioner Morrow.
The postmarks tell the tale Of a Journey
Of something like 900 miles. and the
end is not yet. The box contains a
present addressed by Mrs. Morrow TO
Captain Buford. OF the United States
Transport Thomas.
The present left Washington August
g. 1907, and arrived in San Francisco
September G. The Thomas lad sailed
FOR Manila, and the box followed it,
arriving IN the Philippines OCTOBER 10.
Again the Thomas had sailed. and the
package was remailed TO the United
States just ina time 10 miss the trans
port, which vas headed for the Islands
The poStoffce authorities were deter
mined that Captain Bvford was 70 re-
ceive che present, and the next steamer
carried with It Mrs. Morrow's remem-
brance. January Il marked the date Of
its arrival, but Captain BufoTd was on
the high seas bound for San Francisco.
The boz was returned TO San Fran
cisco. The postmaster greeted it warm
~ an as old trend. Four times the
present had crossed the Pacific. and II
was no longer nearer the addUessee
than when it left Washington months
before Captain Buford was again on
his way 10 the Philippines, but the box
did not follow him. 1t was addressed 10
Major Morrow and has returned 10
Washington, travel worn ana weary
Mrs. Morrow however. is determined
that the captain shall receive her little
mementO and the package is 70 again be
launched pom IFS Journey
The Washington times., 1908-03-15
BUREAU TO MOVE
TO NEW BUILDING

Secretary Wilson, OF the Department
OF Agriculture, will this week be able
TO realize a wish that has been fore
most among his desires since he has
been at the head Of the department.
The new structure for the department
is now complete. and the work OF NOV
ing the vaTs,us bureaus that are TO
have quarters in The two wings viii be
gin on Tuesday The central structure
which is designed 10 connect the two
wings, will be erected as soon as Con-
gress makes an appropriation Tor the
purpose
Senator Deliver has already intro
duced a resolution in the Senate pro-
vidlng for the erection OF the main
building IL Is thought that the ap-
preparation will be voted az the pres
ent session OF Congress. The Bureau
OF Plant Industry. the Bureau OF Ant
ma Industry. the Office Of Experiment
Stations, and the library have been as
signed quarters in the new structures.
and are To be moved this week. The
department has been greatly handi-
capped in its work by being so widely
scattered and il is thought the business
will be greatly assisted by the Inn
proved quarters. Chief Clerk Burch
opened bids for shades for the new
building On Saturday.
The Washington times., 1908-03-15
kzzzz35Agriculture68aEzzz3

to select a winning team. Irving Frick-
ey, Of the chief clerks office, is IN
charge OF affairs during the preliminary
arrangements. 4 manager and captain
viii be selected after the boys nave
had Chance 10 demonstrate their ca
paoiiities
Candidates for positions on the team
were out for practice for the first time
on Friday The league season opens on
May 4 with a game between Agriculture
and War Each team will play twenty
one teams during the season.
George X. Holmes, chief Of the divi-
sion of foreign markets. has been de-
Slgnated By the President 10 represent
/ TINS country as a delegate at the Inter
national Agriculture Congress 10 be held
Ia Rome this spring.
Congress viii increase the appropria-
ton for the purchase and distribution
of seed this year by $4,000, the amount
! being raised from S238 010 20 s24s GO.
DR. E. 3. Jones. chief clerk OF the
Bureau OF Animal Industry. left yesfer-
day for a trip 10 Cuba, where he viii
spend about three weeks seeking health
and pleasure.
DR.. A d. Melvin, chief Of the Bureau
/ OF AnimSl Industry, has been n New
eral important matters for the depart
ment.
Miss Corrine Eaton, OF the Bureau o.
/ Statistics Is detained at home BY IL
ness.
+. J. Blair. Of the Bureau OF Stats
! ties. is taking q vacation. and al ths
same time remodeiing his house.
F. Il. Webster. chief Of the dairy d.
| vision Of the Bureau OF Animal Indus
| try, is making an extended trip through
the Northwest on official business
Or. Maroon Dorset. chief OF the bio
/ chemist d vision, Bureau OF Animal IN
! dustTy, is making an official trip 10
Iowa and utheT points in the West.
| Mrs E. " Halsey, OF the Bureau cs
| Statistics. IS I'm New York with her son.
! who IS III.
The Washington times., 1908-03-15
WATER CARRYING
REPORT is READY
Bulletin Will Cover All the
Navigable Streams Of
Country.

Census Bulletin No. 81. giving q sum-
mary Of the various reports on trans
portation by water, VIII be published
the latter part OF this week The report
on water transportation covers all the
navlgabie streams OF the United States.
and promises 10 be an interesting COM
pilation. The summary, which IS pub
Hshed in advance Of the several reports,
win give the substance OF the reports IN
compact form. This investigation has
been conducted by the division OF 4 Gnu
features under the direction OF chief
Statistician William NJ Steuart.
The Washington times., 1908-03-15
Gentle Spring Brings Smile
And 70 Cents an Houi to Clerks

Spring lis near and there Is Joy Ga
the hearts of certain OF the employees
of the District building. Truth TO tell.
however, I. IS not the thought Of bud
ding foV ers and similar sPringtime fam
tastes of which the near-poets love 10
sing that causeth the gentle smiles 10
play about the faces OF Waldo Hibbs,
Ralph Pratt, and Jake Smyser. II is
at this season Of the year that the tax
collectors Office tegins the preparation
of tax sale certificates and as the work
Is done outside of the Office hours there
is attached 10 II q perquisite OF 20 cents
an hour.
The task requires skilled clerks and
is therefore given 10 employees OF the
various departments Of the District gov
eminent who are familiar with Its
operations. Those whose hearts are 10
be made glad are;
Collectors ONCE. NJ. Towers. ID.
Warner. c. 3. Cnger. ". u. Clark. jr. :
=. i. Page, II. Kelly, l.. Ross, H r.
Berrian, E y. Fletcher, B. II. Ward.
r. ]. Cain. B A. LcayelI. o: c. .ketchaIn.
r. @. Lamb, and W. II. Nichols.
Assessors off1ce-Kate Berry. Martha
Jones. w. De Shields. and John Bard
rOff.
Auditors ofice-WiIHam Towers and
T. NJ Beck.
Commissioners ofice-RaIph B. Pratt
and Waldo G, Hubs.
Disbursing Ofice-Paul Dean.
Electrical depe rtmeut-J 4. Archer.
Engineer departmental. NJ. Barr and
y. W. Peed.
Property clerks omce-C. A Anadale
and j. A Petty.
Water department-F. T. Johnson and
Health department-w. o. Roome. jr.
plumbing inspectors ofilce-R. e.
Finder,
The Washington times., 1908-03-15
suNFLOWFR PHILOSOPHY.

People in love always look sleepy
and hungry.
The duller the town the more numer-
Gus the bores.
Somehow a woman fool always seems
TO be a greater fool than a man fool.
A man doesn't mind being worked by
a woman If IL is done In a smooth way.
4 real jealous woman feels uneasy
every time her husband gets absent
minded.
When children grow UP, they find a
great many things worse than bitter
medicine.
No doubt you often say OF people.
They're funn$i" But YOU needn't talk,
50 are you-AtchesOn Globe.
The Washington times., 1908-03-15
(8Bureau Of Engraving and8
" Printing! ~

for n stay at Norfolk and Virginia
Beach for the benefit Of her health
A Schofeld. Of the printing division.
who has been IN at his home in this
city is reported as somewhat improved.
Miss Mary r Graney, OF the surface
branch died on Wednesday morning
at the residence Of her aunt. Mrs. y.
X Sheahan, 22l5 Washington circle.
Miss GTauey was the daughter Of Mary
and the late Michael GTaney. She was
was said at ST. Stephens Church on
Friday
George ". PIUtch Of section five
printing division. who is 81 with rheU-
matism, has suffered relapse He has
lsen compelled to return 10 George
Washington University Hospital