davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17

A SLUGGER. @Ever. read any poems by Chips, Biffng Bard?" T never did" .He hits over 300 in baseball poetry.i
 AFTER IT'S OVER. There'n come a time when you'll wal And you'll long to throw yourself inI the pit Where failures sleep, but hold on tigAA| To hope and you'll soon see ray diI light, And the dawn of better day will come And you'll laugh at yourself for being 90 gruml
 ASzIT WE'RE. 1T spent three pennies yesterday to see some funny pictures in a slot. ma chine"
 "Yes?"
 'My cents of humor. you know"
 OF CoURsE/ ''He kissed her on her invitation" '"That's her mouth, isn't it?'
 JUST so. ''Pa, what is a confirmed bachelor'?' Any bachelor who is liable to marry tomorrow"
 WHEN A COMIC BARD IS STUCK. Oh, he's far from feeling chipper And the Muse he'd like to whip her, And old Pegasus is bent on acting mulish. Though you think you have to labor, kI.t4, ntu111a Quite the hardest job of all is being foolish
 PLACING HIM. N'There goes a man who is sufficient unto himself" From which I infer that he is a nuisance to everybody else.'
 PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.

From the New York Press.
 A man can run his house well when his wife does it.
 People are never hungry enough for it to enjoy warmed over love.
 Next to running the government man is seldom sure what he could do best
 The reason a woman likes to spoil her children is everybody warns her against 1t.
 The satisfaction a man has in losing his money on a bet is that his family didn't spend 1t foolishly.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17
Plays Joke on Porter.

Hawkins. the legless and armless man who gives the Determination show, Down the Line," at the Star Fair, told an interesting story yesterday. He said that while in his hotel the night before he ordered ice water. As the negro porter came in he proceeded to take off his arti- ficial leg. He then unscrewed the hand, and next off came the arm.
 His natural appearance when dressed is like that of perfectly formed man, and the negros amazament was so great he came near dropping the pitcher. Seeing his fright MT. Hawkins said: John. screwed on my head too tight this morn- ing and it's inconvenient for me to reach 1t, will you kindly screw off my head?"
 According to MT. Hawkins the negro went out the window at the far end of the hall and left the hotel by the fire escape.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17
AGE-HERALD ECHOES

Florence Herald: The Birmingham Age
 MT. Taft amounts to very little, since
 1t Is to be a campaign of writing.
 Florence Herald: "Prohibltion is cut
 ting down the states revenue" says The
 Age-Herald. Sure enough; better be the
 revenue than the boys cut down.
 Dothan Eagle: The Age-Herald has
 already started up the cry of doing your
 Christmas shopping before the rush. A
 sickening thought. to many of us.
 Savannah Press: The Birmingham Age
 Herald says that ''the Young Turks may
 yet discover that Abdul Hamid has re-
 celved letters from the Standard Oil"
 Jackson News: According to The Bir- mingham Age-Herald, Indiana is a state of poets, pikers and politicians. The three elements of population seem to be about
 evenly divided.
 Florence Herald: Paul Cook says: "The world is full of people who don't know what they are talking about Fact is, people who know what they are talking about seldom talk.
 Florence Herald: The Birmingham Age Herald says that MT. Roosevelt seems to consider public office campaign megaphone." Public office or no public office, Teddy has to talk.
 Florida Times Union: The Bulgars are not burglars or buglers. They are just plain but free Bulgars of Bulgaria.-Bir- mingham Age-Ierald The Bulgars stay in Bulgaria, now why don't the burglars stay in Burglarla and the buglers stay ill Bugleria?
 Hattiesburg News: Paul Cook of The Birmingham Age-Herald says that In diana is a state of poets, politicians and pikers But Paul hasn't the nerve to say such things to his Hoosier friends face to face-rand most especially the slander- ous allegation first named,
 Hattiesburg News: Paul Cook, the bachelor paragrapher and poet of The | Birmingham Age-Herald, says By malS- | ing up her mind while she Is making | up her face, the average woman saves 6 l great deal of time., But Paul is pos | sessed of grudge against femininlty 1 which renders him unfit to pass 1udg ! mcnt on matters of so much moment.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17

The falling aeronauts in Berlin threw out bag of sand which hit a baby wagon, but the baby and the aeronauts came out sound in wind and limb.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17

ing to the republicans this year. have come out for the democratic standard bearer. They have been driven away from Taft by President Roosevelt's dic- tatorial methods. If Taft Is beat he may charge5it up to MT. Roosevelt
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17

Jim Hill has not yet expressed an opinion on the Balkan situation, and the world is therefore in a state of suspense.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17

The governor of South Carolina Is attending the North Carolina peace conference, but what he said to the governor of North Carolina when they met is not stated.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17

If the President desires a fair test of Colonel Stewards strength and vigo, let him challenge him to a tussle on the presidential tennis court.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17
Gifts for Sailors.

Pekin, October 16.-About GOOD gifts for the American sailors on the Atlantic fleet have been sent to Annoy. These in- clude eight punch bowls for the ships, which have been sent from Hongkong.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17

The President may not issue a Thanksgiving proclamation until after November 3. He may want to be shown.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17

Unless Alabama builds good roads the people will be forced to patronizo the first aeroplanes that come along.
  Richmond Pearson Hobson shomu be excused if he displays nervousness as the fleet approaches Yokohama.
 
 All the powers acting together can no doubt keep King Peter from tramp ling Austria underfoot. Maxine Elliott's chief grievance is the setting forth of her age in the divorce proceedings. Only an American aeronaut can fall 4000 feet in the air and land on his feet, unhurt Debs is the only candidate who has admitted that he does not expect to be elected. At one time it looked as if the Young Turks would have nothing in Europe to rule. The silence at the White House is so dense it can almost be cut with knife
  What We need is not so much sane Fourth of July as a safe Halloween.
  Debs raises campaign funds by charging an admission fee.
  Thaw is not pleased with his job of making himself insane.
  Postcard eanyasses swell the national revenue at any rate.
  Parliament is up against the bloom ing British barmaid.
  King Peter has not yet planned march on Vienna.
  False teeth for horses is the latest stable novelty.
  The campaign poet is apathetic this year also.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17

All the powers acting together can no doubt keep King Peter from tramp ling Austria underfoot.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17

Richmond Pearson Hobson shoulu be excused if he displays nervousness as the fleet approaches Yokohama.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17
POLITICAL SIDELIGHTS

The Herald in this column extracts from the newa national eampagn the benefit
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17
POSSIBLE EXPLANATION,

PUbbIBLE AFFIRMATION. "An earthquake shock was reported at
 Salt Lake City the other day.
 Maybe the forty fat wives of some old Mormon all sat down at the same time"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17
ADRLFT WITH THE TIMES

BEING AN OPTIMIST. Take a little sunshine,
 Mix it up with laughter, Caring not a rap for
 What is coming after.
 
 AT THE FOOLISH HOUSE. ''what is the matter with that poor fel- low who keeps murmuring, Time is money, time is money'?' "Shhhl He used to be a gay dog and now he thinks he's a taxicab.''
 EVERY TIME.
 Never liked your paper"
 Growls old Skate;
 But he mA.SsS d holler
 When it's late!
 ENOUGH SAID. "A man took eleven dollars away from me last night" Have anything against you?' ! Yep; a six-shooter."
 MAKING THE BEST OF IT. 'Soon the clouds will roll away and the world will smile again, To banish every heartache-every sigh," Was the song toiler sang in the shadow land of pain As he dreamed of better fortunes by and by.
 AS WE SAY. Everywhere Bouncer goes he is fol- lowed by valet as black as a coal" 'Yes; that's his colored supplement- CAN YOU BEAT VHIS? He held her little hand in his She waited for the question:; And do you know, the alarmed fool talked About his indigestion!
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17

Maxine Elliotts chief grievance is the setting forth of her age in the divorce proceedings.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17
Doubtful Factors In Ohio.

Walter welman in Chicago Record-Her-
 ald.
 Cincnnati-Politically Ohio is today one of the most interesting and most doubt full states In the union. Three factors in the Buckeye presidential problem remain to be considered. These are the colored vote, the Foraker influence and the cis- trust of Bryan on the part of business men and their fear that if he should be elected prosperity will not return as rap idly as with Taft.
 The negro vote of Ohio is about 40,000. In the past 1t has all been republican. Whatever part of 1t Bryan may get now is clear gain The colored men. as is well known, are discontented with President Roosevelt and MT. Taft about the Brownsville affair. Using this as text, certain colored leaders, like Bishop Wal ters and the Rev. Wadron of Washing ton, have made hereulean efforts to or ganize a movement going far beyond the
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17
Republican Poll In Indiana.

The Indianapolis Star reports Dotn sides satisfied with the result of the thirty-day poll in Indiana The Stars ac- count of the poll says:
 "The poll taking has been carried on with more care this year than it was two years ago. It is estimated that Q total of 779,3s4 votes will be cast at the coming election. The total vote as es- timated before the election two years ago was 737114. The total vote for secre- tary of state in 1906 was 5ss244.
 ITO gain 10000 votes the democrats would have to gain an average of 12 and now 325O precincts in the state. To gain 5000 the republicans will have to gain 10 2-3 votes to the precinct.
 There are many conditions to take into account that will affect the vote. There has been an exodus of foreigners from the state, several thousand having returned home There has been a sub stantial incrase in first voters The mum Der of precincts in several counties of the state has been reduced through the use of voting machines. Voting machines will be used in Indiana to greater ex- tent than ever before and their operation will affect the result.
 "The republican thirty-day poll shows that disaffected republicans are return ing to Watson. In one precinct the sixty day poll showed B republicans who were for Taft and sherman, but against Wat son. The 3O-day poll reduced this mum Der to 13 The leaders expect to reduce it to four. The reports show that con ditions in the republican ranks are im- proving the state over"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17

Only an American aeronaut can fall 4000 feet in the air and land on his feet unhurt
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17
CAN YOU BEAT VIIIs?

He held her little hand in his
 She waited for the question: And do you know, the alarmed fool talked About his indigestion!
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17
AS WE SAY.

AS WE SAY. Everywhere Bouncer goes he is fol- lowed by valet as black as a coal" Yes; that's his colored supplements
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17

Unless Alabama builds good roads the people will be forced to patronize the first aeroplanes that come along.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17

Dothan Eagle: The Age-Herald has already started up the cry of doing your Christmas shopping before the rush. A sickening thought. to many of us.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17

Debs is the only candidate who has admitted that he does not expect to be elected.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17

Savannah Press: The Birmingham Age Herald says that "the Young Turks may yet discover that Abdul Hamid has re- ceived letters from the Standard Oil.'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17

Florence Herald: Prohibition is cut ting down the states revenue" says The Age-Herald. Sure enough; better be the revenue than the boys cut down.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17

Florence Herald: The Birmingham Age Herald thinks the loss of his voice by MT. Taft amounts to very little, since 1t Is to be a campaign of writing.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17

Columbus Enquirer Sun: Birmingham is accredited with having invented the whisky sandwich-a loaf of bread neatly hollowed out and flask quietly reposing within.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17

At one time it looked as if the Young Turks would have nothing in Europe to rule
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17

Washington Herald: That Birmingham and Atlanta are determined to reform at all hazards is evident in the fact that each has elected a former newspaper man to the mayoralty.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17

Anniston Star: The Birmingham Law and Order league is getting down to bus mess and manifests the determination to make trouble for law breakers in that city and district.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17

"A man took eleven dollars away iron me last night"
 Have anything against you?'' { "Yep; a six-shooter."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17

The silence at the White House is so dense it can almost be cut with knife.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17

False teeth for horses is the latest stable novelty.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17

Washington Bureau Age Herald, 142l G street. N. ".
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17

Entered at the Birmingham, Ala, postoffice as seeond-class matter under act of Congress March 8. 1879.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17

The campaign poet is apathetic this year also.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17

What We need is not so much a sane Fourth of July as a safe Halloween.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1908-10-17

Rome Herald: Both Birmingham and Atlanta have recently elected former newspaper men to the mayoralty. Those cities evidently propose to be well gov erned for the next two years.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-07-25

ocray and the bolt led by Stubbs
from the so-called sduare dealfac-
ton. Many of these Republicans
probably did not like Governor
Hoch, but he was the nominee of
the party and they gave him ear
nest support.
Two years before Stubbs had
been chairman of the state con-
vention that nominated Hoch,.
and was chairman of the state
central committee in that cam
paign. What did he do two years
ago? He established headquart-
ers in Kansas City and remained
there during the entire cam
paign, counseling and advising
with Colonel Harris, Democratic
candidate.
You Will remember, no doubt,
that Stubbs gave it out that his
eyes were in bad shape" and
that he couldn't get out and do
anything for the ticket but his
eyes were not so bad" that he
could not follow the well beaten
path over to the Midland hotel
whenever Harris drifted into
town-and he drifted in often.
Notwithstanding this bad
eye" business, chairman Crum-
mer of the Republican State
Central committe appealed to
Stubbs with tears in his eyes"
to do something or say some
thing for the Republican state
ticket. This Stubbs said he
couldn't do because of his eyes.
AS a lastresort it is so alleged
that drummer wrote Stubbs to
put on a hoodwink, repair to a
dark closet, and there dictate to
his stenographer these words:
Republicans should support
their state ticket" But Stubbs,
eyes were too bad" to do even
this service to the party. The
day after election when it was
thought that Hoch was defeated,
the old time luster in Stubbs'
eyes came back, and he started
out on his campaign of detrac-
tion and Indictment of the honor
and integrity of the public men of
Kansas who have rendered the
state conspicuous service.
To intimate or imply that a
majority of the $4,000 Republi-
cans who stood Loyalty by the
ticket two years ago will not for
get this history and vote for
Stubbs for Governor, is an insult
to their intelligence ce.-Belleville
Telescope.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-07-25

Are you coming to the big
street fair and carnival next
week? For the first time in the
history of Trego county a big
carnival and street fair aggrega-
tion will invade our burdens
and erect their various tents and
amusement devices in Wa-Kee-
ney for five days commencing
Tuesday July 28th and ceaslng
Saturday August 1st. The
Brundage and Fisher Amuse-
ment Co. with 100 people and a
varied assortment of clean moral
shows will furnish the amuse
ment on the midway. This com
pany comes to Wa-Keeney very
highly recommended from towns
east of us and we feel reasonably
assured of first class attraction.
Besides the many shows carried
by the company they have a
Ferris wheel, merry-go-round
and a brass band which are
sufficient to amuse hundreds of
people. The company carries
their own electric lightplant and
all the shows and midway will be
brilliantly Illuminated. Come to
Wa-Keeney any day during the
carnival, makeyou headquarters
with our hustling merchants,
secure some of their many bar
gains and take in the carnival
of fun and frolic sights and
lights.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-07-25

There is one preparation known
today that will promptly help the
stomach. This is Kodol. Kodol
digests all classes of food, and it
does it thoroughly, so that the
use of Kodol for time will with
out doubt help anyone who has
stomach disorders or stomach
trouble. TAX, Kndol today and
1''ii5' s vi NioS:; ,'Ss
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-07-25
Speaking of DIR. A. B. Jones'

Speaking of DIR. A. B. Jones'
recent visit to Sharon Springs
the Times says of his candidacy:
DIR. Jones is a candidate for the
state senate and stands very
high in the estimation of people
who know him. He has lived at
Wa-Keeney a great many years
and is well fitted to represent
the western district in the state
senate. Being neighbor DR..
Jones is entitled to a heavy vote
in Wallace county.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-07-25

AS I was requested by my
friends to announce my self as a
candidate for representative of
Trego county. I want to state
to the voters at the coming pri-
mary on the 4th of August that
to be honest with myself and
with the voters of the county
shall not make canvas before
the primary. My opponent, G.
M. Bell. is perfect gentleman
and am willing to abide by the
dicisicn and good judgement of
the voters of Trego county.
J III. DEATRICH.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-07-25

Bert Barber, of Elton, Wis,
says: L have only taken four
doses of your kidney and blad-
der pills and they have done for
me more than any other medi-
cine has ever done. I am still
taking the pills as I want a per-
feet cure" Mr.. Barber refers
to DeWitt's Kidney and Bladder
Pills. Sold by w. w. GIBSON.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-07-25

Several papers have taken
occasion to remark about what a
great speech w. B. Ham made at
Speed, July 4th. These papers
spoke without due information.
The facts of the matter are
that Ham got up and read every
word of his speech, apologizing
for the same. His audience got
mighty tired of it and before he
had concluded he was talking to
empty benches. But here is
the worst: 1t has been discover
ed that it was the identical
speech he read on Decoration
day at Ellis. Had Mr.. Reeder
made such fzzle the opposition
would have had it printed in
glaring headlines in every paper
in the district that it could have
worked. osborne Farmer.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-07-25
FoR CouNrY sUPERINrENpENr.

FOR COUNTY SUPERINTENDENT
We authorized to announce the name
for county superintendent. subject to the
decision of the Republican party at he pri-
mary August 4th-
FOR COUNTY SUPERINTENDENT
/ hereby announce myself n candidate for
the Office of County Superfntendent of Pub
lie Instruction of Trego connty subject to
the decision of the Republican voters at the
Fl. B. GRAVES.
FOR REPRESENTATIVE.
j. III Deatrich authorizes us to announce
resentative of Trego county subject to the
decision of the Republican, voters at the
den noPees Of dee
Deatrich-
At the solicitation of many friends / con-
sented to ma ke the race for representative
may be settled satisfactorily by the voters.
/ am yours truly. CHARLES. NJ. BELL,
FOR SHERIFF.
L hereby announce myself as a candidate
Trego county subject to the decision of the
party vote in the August primary.
THEODORE COURTNEY.
FOR SHERIFF.
We are authorized to announce that J. T.
DrummOnd will be candidate for re-elec-
tion for Sheriff of Trego county subject to
the decision of the Democratic voters at the
primary August 4, 1908.
We are authorized to announce the name
of D. j. Wilson. of Glencoe township,
candidate before the Republican primary to
be held August 4, 1905 for Sheriff of Trego
county.
COUNTY ATTORNEY
hereby announce myself as II candidate
county subject to the decision of the Repub-
lican primary August 4 I90s;
-
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-07-25

We want to insure your live
stock against lightning, and can
give good rates. The loss of one
COW or one horse will pay for the
insurance for many years to
come. r. G.. Wilson.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-07-25

The agricultural colleges were
endowed to promote the liberal
and practical education of the in
dustrial classes. If interested
in agriculture, mechanic arts, or
domestic science, write for COM
plete catalogue of the Kansas
State Agricultural College Ad-
dress, Pres. E. r. Nichols, Man
haitian, Kan. 1S-tf.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-07-25

DIR. A. B. Jones of Wa-Keeney,
candidate for the Republican
nomination for State Senator,
was in Hoxie Saturday and ap-
peared very well satisfied with
his prospects. The doctors
platform or statement, which ap-
peared in last weeks Sentinel,
has strengthened his cause won
derfully in this country and
knowing him as we have for
many years, to be an honorable,
upwright man, we believe that
should he be elected he will live
up to that statement to the letter
and represent this district in a
maner she has never been repre-
Sented.-Hoxie Sentinel.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-07-25
ANNOUNCEMENTS
FOR cOSGRESsNAN.

| am a candidate for the Republican nom
inatlop for congressman of the Sixth Dis
trict- In this notice il is not practicable to
state the measures | believe in. but hope to
be able to state them publicly in all parts of
the district bet ween this and August 4th.
next w s. HAM.
stockton. Kansas.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-07-25
WHEN THE LUSTFR CAME BACK.

In the campaign for governor
two years ago, $4,000 Republl-
clans stood loyal for Governor
Hoch and defeated Harris. DEM
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-07-25

Go to Barrett's Cash Store
and get a pretty piece of China
with every $1.OO cash purchase.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-07-25

For Sale 200 bushels of shell
ed corn. Four miles south and
A miles west of Wa-Keeney. VIM.
Lessor.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-07-25

See the new dishes and cut
esS at the Book Store.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-07-25
FOR STATE SENATOR.

hereby announce myself as candidat
for State senator in the 39ta Senatorial Dis
trict of Kans as. Snbject to the approval q
the Republican party