davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27
TALE OF THE FAR NORTH.

Tell me your story, poor man." said
the kind housewife, as she handed out
the saucer Of stewed prunes.
"Well, lady," began the weary wan
derer with reminiscent sigh, 1T was
dis way. i was lost In de arctic re-
gions. One morning as I was scout
ing around looking for me pals In de
exploring ship was chased by polar
bear. l shall never forget dat day.
Hastily climbing tree"
But there are no trees in the arctic
regions" interrupted the dubious
housewife.
II meant iceberg, lady. Hastily
climbing an iceberg, discovered, to
me horror, dat me ammunition was all
gone. AS ! gazed at dat big bear me
thoughts went back to de loved ones
at home and de tears rolled out of me
eyes as big as walnuts. AS fast as
dey fell dey froze hard as steel. Happy
thought! / poured pint OF dem into
me gun, blazed away and killed de
bear. For ten long days existed ="
But the busy housewife had van
lshed.
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27
THE SWAP.

After the gaunt, color bedecked
spinster had given him his directions
and entered his cab, the driver drove
off toward the Grand Central station,
says the New York Press.
A few squares up the street this
cabby met brother cabby driving an
empty. They hailed each uther.
How'll y swap rigs?" asked the
driver Of the empty in reckless mo-
ment.
The station-bound cabby ran his
eyes over the others outfit.
'Ill go ye," he rejoined, forgetting
all about his passenger in the excite
ment.
The swap made. the drivers ex-
changed places.
When the empty cab was driving
away the new owner of the other hap
pened to turn and glance inside his
outfit. Struck by the spectacle within
he stared at the spinster a moment,
then turned and yelled after the re-
ceding cabby:
Hey, this amt fair! I've been
swindled!"
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27
The Need Of Tact.

A deal of tact is needful to pilot one
successfully through life, even when
there are no follies. A single careless
remark, one thoughtless admission, is
quite enough to raise a tempest. Men
rarely intrust business secrets to their
wives, because they know the femi'
nine leaning towards confession, and
will take no rash chances. You can
hear office secrets discussed in public
by employees who care so little for the
interests which furnish their wages
that they are Indifferent to the dan
ger Of being overheard by somebody
who can work them mischief. They
are not earning their wages, for la
bor is only half Of their duty.
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27

Dear Bunch: Still in the ring at the
Spoonsbury Commercial house, and
here's some of the dope the near
actors of the Bandits Bride Com
pany" handed out last night.
"I tell you, Mike" the Juvenile
said, I'm too delicate for this one
night stand gag. I'm going to New
York and build theater."
What with?" sneered Low Comedy.
with reporter I know on one of
the papers," the Juvenile chuckled.
Say, what was the name of that
town we played night before last?"
"Murphy's Landing, wasn't it?"
Mike answered.
II guess that's right, because Muir
ply landed on me good and hard"
the Juvenile said. Remember those
nice white door-knobs we ate for
breakfast next morning? The waitress
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27
Peter a Popular Name.

Just at present the surprising popu-
larity of Peter" in the naming of Eng
lish children has been noted. A Lon
don writer says 1t shares with Eliza
beth pre-eminent baptismal honor, and
the race card, too, reflects the vogue.
A Newmarket program reveals "St.
Peter" a,"Sir Peter and Great
Peter" One wonders If 1t Is "Peter's
mother" or Mr. Barrie's Peter that
pans out so richly. But Peter is not a
favorite with American name givers,
though after London's Endorsement
there's no telling what the next con-
signment of youngsters may bring into
fashion.
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27
ALMOST A SHADOW.
Gained 20 lbs. on Grape-Nuts.

There's a wonderful difference be-
tween food which merely tastes good
and one which builds up strength and
good healthy flesh.
1t makes no difference how much we
eat unless we can digest It, 1t is
not really food to the system until
It is absorbed. A Yorkstate woman
says:
II had been sufferer for ten years
with stomach and liver trouble, and
had got so bad that the least bit OF
food such as I then knew, would give
me untold misery for hours after
| eating.
II lost flesh until was almost .
shadow of my original self and my
friends were quite alarmed about me.
"First I dropped coffee and used
Postum, then began to use Grape-Nuts
although had little faith it would do
me any good.
| But continued to use the food and
and feel like another person In every
way. feel as II life had truly begun
anew for me.
Il can eat anything I like now In
moderation, suffer no III effects, be on
my feet from morning until night.
Whereas year ago they had to send
me away from home for rest while
others cleaned house for me. this
spring have been able to do it myself
all alone.
my breakfast is simply Grapefruit
with cream and cup of Postum, with
sometimes an egg and piece Of toast.
but generally only Grape-Nuts and
Postum. And can work until noon
and not feel as tired as one hours
work would have made me year ago."
There's Reason"
Name given by Postum Co.. Battle
Creek, Mich. Read, "The Road to Well.
ville," In pkgs.
Ever read the above letter. A new
ono appears from time to time. They
are genuine. true. and full Of human
| Interest.
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27
Monotonx Of Home Life.

So many wives complain Of the mo
notony of marriage. They envy WON
en- who write, paint or act, because
they imagine all these callings spell
infinite variety. But any life can be
come monotonous II people allow 1t to
be 80. Wives who grumble at the
dreary sameness Of home routine for
get that their husbands have to face
the same tiresome monotony at tho
office. The only way to get out Of the
"rut" for wife or bachelor maid alike
is to cultivate interests and hobbies,
Marriage is monotonous only for those
who make it so.
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27

morning l swing clubs for 15 min.
utes, then the dumb-bells for ten min
utes, then run about three miles
and then l get up and eat my break
fast"
Jabe guffawed loudly over this bit
Of facetiousness.
81 was at the op'ry house last
night" Jabe informed them, land
most laughed myself sick to the
stomach at this yer fat cuss takin'
off that Dutch pollceman-ha, ha, ha,
hal" Jabe looked at the Juvenile
you was putty good, too" he ad'
mitted, "takin' off that newspaper re
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27
Mr.. Pickwlck's Tree.

Owing to its having become decayed
and dangerous, the old sycamore,
standing near Dulwlch college. known
as "Mr. Pickwick's tree" has had to
be cut down, much to the regret Of the
residents of Dulwich village. among
whom the tradition prevails that Dick
ems hero was In the habit of fine
evening Of resting on the seat be-
meath Its branches toward the close of
his caresr.-London Globe.
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27

felt like a garden gate and used to
slam every time the wind blew"
Jabe's laugh shook the building.
"The proprietor of that hotel was
so patriotic" Mike continued, that he
wouldn't number the rooms like any
ordinary hotel Every room was
named in honor Of president Of the
United States. That evening there
happened to be rush while I was
standing near the desk, and I heard
the clerk say: Front, show these gen.
tlemen up to John Quincy Adams, and
tell the porter to take that trunk out
Of the alcove in Thomas Jefferson.
Front, go and put down that window
In Rutherford B. Hayes, and. here,
take this whisky up to Abraham Lin.
coin. Front, what's all that racket in
James Buchanan? Here, take these
cigars to U. S. Grant, and turn off the
gas in Grover Cleveland But near.
ly tainted when he said: Front, run
sofa into James A. Garfield, and
take these two ladies up to George
Washington
Mortal Caesar! Ha, ha, ha, hal"
roared Jabe. "Doggone, II that amt
funny, you fat cuss!"
When l quit them Mike had worn
finger-marks on the side of the black
bottle, and Jabe had signed verbal
contract to 60 on the stage as the
Juveniles dresser.
I'm for the Reub hotel, strong.
Yours as always,
J.H.
Copyright, 1908, by G. w. Dillingham; Coz
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27

said they were hot biscuits. but had
to eat mine with nut-cracker. I've
got 1t in my pantry yet, and every
time walk around the knob turns,
and I can hear door open some
where"
Mikes double chin showed signs of
agitation.
STRANDED, here in this jay town."
The Juvenile grabbed the black bot
tie and upset it again. Say, Mike,
what we need is a guardian. And
while we're at it let's pick out one
with money so we can wire him for
little price to help us out on oc.
casions like this. The next manager
that wins me away from the stock
yards will have to wear gold-plated
overcoat and stand in the wings every
night where he can throw ten-dollar
bills at when make my exit. No more
slob impresarios for mine, with moth
ing in their inside pockets but date
book and hearty appetite"
Same here!" Low Comedy nodded.
"The next manager that picks me out
will have to drag me down to his bank
and let me pick his coupons off the
shelf before I'll sign"
Bumped, good and hard, here In
the tall grass" the Juvenile COM
planned again, "and not cookie in the
lunch-basket. Say! 1t has me wing
ing, all right. and that's no idle hoot!
This is the third troupe that blew out
its handspring for US this season, and
I'm beginning to believe we ought to
get vacclnated. How am l going to
do Hamlet in New York this winter,
I'd like to know? Eight weeks since
we left Chicago, three shows to the
bad, and still thousand miles from
the Great White Way. Say, Mike,
at this rate it'll take about 6a9 shows
to get us to Jersey City; are you hip?''
Mike laughed. 'It's the old story
my boy; we're sad bunch Of plow'
boys on this old farm of world when
We haven't little mazuma In the
vest pocket. I've got new bit Of a
recitation spiel / cooked up last night
when l couldn't sleep. It's called
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27
Mothers Accomplishment nt.

In the Bohemian set Of New Yorh
two Of the popular members are a well
known writer and his wife. who also
has written several books. They have
a daughter about four years old. Re
Gently the little girl was visiting at
the home of friend and her small
playmate asked her: Can your
mamma sew"
The daughter of the literary pail
evidently was a bit chagrined. She
could not remember that she had ever
seen her mamma sew. She Is truth
full child and would not claim any ad
vantages she was not sure Of, yet she
felt that mammals honor was at stake.
II don't know II mamma can sew"
she replied, obviously, "but she can
smoke a cigarette"
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27

Twelve members of one family suf-
fering from what doctors call ''lazy
disease" are quarantined on the lawn
of New York hospital. One form Of
lazy disease is almost an epidemic
these hot days, but its victims would
"perk up" before they would be quar-
antined. The other name of the par
ticular malady first mentioned, it may
be worth while to say, is uncinariasis.
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27

Pemmican, originally North Amer.
lean Indian preparation and to-day the
chief food of the farther north" ex.
plorers. is made of the lean portions
of beef, thoroughly dried and then
pounded into paste and tightly
pressed into cakes, Raisins are gen.
orally mixed into the beef to add
to the flavor. Pemmican will keep
for very long time, and is for that
reason used on the long arctic expo
ditions.
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27

The use of the gas engine on the
farm is growing more popular every
year. In the last two years $4,000 of
these motors we're purchased by farm.
ers and the demand this year has
every indication of being greater.
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27

the kidney secretions we're badly dis.
ordered. I was completely worn out
and discouraged when began using
Doan's Kidney Pills, but they went
right to the cause Of the trouble and
did their work well. / have been
feeling well ever SINCE"
Sold by all dealers. 80 cents box
Foster. Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27

The outrage of being compelled to
have peaceful election, exclaims the
Buffalo Courier, is enough to drive the
people Of Panama to riot and revolu
ton,
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27

According to the figures for the last
year available. Americans used the
telephone 3,6S0,0O0,0O0 times, as
against 3,114,541 SOL times abroad. In
Europe, with its five times greater pop
ulation, there were 1,726,SS0 sub
scribers, as compared to 2,241,387 In
the United States.
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27

Commander Peary has begun his
dash for the north pole, but interest
in several dashes for the pennant pole
will not diminish.
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27

One would think at first blush that
5000 policemen could whip all the
women in the British empire, bu. suf-
fragettes are different.
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27

One hundred and three men were
killed and about 200 badly injured by
the explosion aboard the French bat
tleship Jena, March -, 1907.
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27

The water in Lake Erie is higher
than 1t has previously been within the
memory Of the Oldest inhabitants.
For some reason nobody has seen fit
to blame 1t on the Chicago drainage
canal
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27

Taxicabs in London, as in New
York, are marked success. and the
hanson is being crowded out. There
are 1853 taxicabs on the streets, 1900
taxicabs on order and 100 licensed
drivers.
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27

The soldiers out in Colorado are ex.
perimenting with condensed meat cap.
sules. With the prevailing meat prices
1t won't be long before We'll all have
to do the same thing.
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27
FIVE MONTHS in HOSPITAL.
Discharged Because Doctors Could
Not Cure.
Levi P. Brockway. 8. Second Ave-,
Anoka, Mimi, says: After lying for

five months in .
hospital I was dis.
charged as incur
able, and given only
six months to live.
My heart was affect.
ed. I had smother
ing spells and some.
times fell uncon.
scious. / got so ]
couldn't use my
arms. my eyesight
was impaired and.
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27

A few orders marked "banished"
would help the kaiser lot in getting
rid of that court scandal which has too
many of the evidences of longevity.
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27

To be wholly up to date, New York's
new 909-foot Office building ought to
have an airship platform on the cupola.
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27

Two new electrical journals ap-
peared recently about the same time
bearing the same name. One comes
from New York, and the other from
Chicago
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27

Four times a ST. Louis man ap'
preached the altar before he had the
nerve to go through the ceremony Of
marriage. That is the kind Of hus.
band many girls would fight to get.
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27

Alfred G. Vanderbilt complains that
his income has been reduced to but
little more than 100000 a year.
And the courts want him to pay ali
mony out of that! Poor ALI!
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27

Abram Schaeffer, who resides near
Elizabethtown, Pa, made VOW In
1856 that If James Buchanan should
be elected president he would never
part with his mustache.
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27

There is such a great demand for
farm hands out in Kansas now that
the farmers are willing to take col.
lege boys, IL nothing better can be had.
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27

The Mexican revolutionists have al
least demonstrated their ability to
make as much noise as their nelghbors
to the south.
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27

Seven of the sons and daughters Of
the Merstham (England) centenarian,
Mrs. Maynard, married seven brothers
and sisters named King.
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27

How can you expect everything in a
summer resort circular to be on the
square?
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27

AS high flyer Count Zeppelin
shows remarkable ability to keep a
cool head
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27

Second thoughts are often best,
even in case of love at first sight.
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27
THE JASPER NEWS
ROLAND B. GRIFFITH. Editor.

JASPER. ........ ..... MISSOURI
The Jasper news., 1908-08-27
SING, BIRDIE, DoN'Tl

Miss Yellem (about to sing)-Whai
is your favorite air, professor?
Professor-Fresh air-and plenty o
It! Good morning!
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1907-1917, 1908-11-05
Rockefeller S Rebenge.

A sly old coon is Hon. Rockefeller-and a
malicious one withal.
Filled with vindctive resentment against
Roosevelt because of that 100000 fine, and
other Governmental prosecutions, this right
eous Millionaire of the Standard Oil has been
doing his utmost to defeat Taft the political
legatee Of Roosevelt.
Through Haskell, Dave Francis, Pat McCar-
rem and other lieutenants, the Standard Oil
crowd have been pouring cash into the Bryante
campaign fund. The Peerless has had as much
Doodle as he could use. Not day in the cam
paign has he been short of funds. The Rookie
Teller crowd saw to that.
But they saved the best wine to the last.
Their trump card they held in reserve. They
played it during the last days of the campaign.
Rockefeller, sly and malicious old coon,
came out for Taft
He knew that his open support of Taft would
be about the best thing he could do for Bryan.
THE PEERLESS KNEW THIS, TOO.
Consequently, the two sly ones, Rockefeller
and Bryan, played into each others hands.
Wanting to elect Bryan Rockefeller took his
revenge on Roosevelt by coming out for Taft.
Sly old coon and malicious one withal
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1907-1917, 1908-11-05
Bryan S Moral Bankruptcy.

No man ever SO lowered his standard to get
office as Bryan did in this campaign.
In 1904, when he submitted to the Wall
Street crowd, he did so under protest. To stop
the desertion of Democrats from the Parker
ranks, Bryan promised that as soon as that
campaign had ended he would Immediately re-
organize the party on the former lines of the
platforms of 1896 and 1000. In other words,
the Wall Street crowd should not continue to
control. AS soon as Parker's race should be
ended Bryan was going to reorganize on radi-
cal lines
At that time Mr. Watson ridiculed Bryan's
promise, and exposed it's emptiness.
Bryan was asked, "Why are you trying to
elect Parker, when you know that his election
would make it impossible for you to overcome
the Wall Streeters? If they whipped you when
the Democratic party was out of power how
can you whip them after you put them in pow
err?
The truth is that Bryan made the promise
for no other purpose than to deceive his follow
ers, pacify them, persuade them to wait, and
to prevent them from hocking to Watson who
was making stand for the principles which
Bryan had abandoned.
After the election Bryan forgot his pledge.
Not a finger did he move The promise had
served his purpose, and that was enough for
this tricky and most selfish politician.
So far from returning to the principles of
1896 Bryan went farther away from them than
Parker did To measure his downfall, one
needs only to look at the company he keeps.
In 1896 he refused to recognize Tom Taggart,
sons invitation to visit French Lick Springs
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1907-1917, 1908-11-05
General Wheeler Did Say Ii.

Some time ago Mr. Watson referred to the
kind of "Tariff REFORM which the Democratic
party gave to the country after the people had
elected a Democratic President and Congress
upon that very issue.
It was shown that Cleveland Democracy, in
full control of every branch Of the Government,
framed one of the most damnable tariff acts
that ever disgraced the statute book. 1t was a
Tariff which the Trusts themselves dictated It
gave to the Steel Trust exactly what it wanted,
and compelled the people to pay higher prices
for iron and steel articles 1t gave to the Sugar
Trust precisely what it wanted, doubling the
duty on molasses and common sugar. In this
way the Trust was given the power to tax the
consumers Of molasses and sugar to the merry
tune of $5O,OOO,OOO per year. How did they Sc
cure this power? By contributing 100000 to
the Democratic campaign fund.
In connection with this shameful Wilson,
German bill which the "Tariff reform" Demo-
Gratis sold to the Trusts, Mr.. Watson quoted
the language of Gen. Toe Wheeler denouncing
the measure:
AS usual, the b1ind1y partisan Democrats de-
ny Mr. Watson's statement.
AS usual, he can produce the proof.
Turn to the Congressional Record of january
IS, 1894 page 1860, right hand column, near
the bottom of the page and read,
"IT IS CERTAINLY AN INJURY TO
ticles which are produced in that section ON
THE FREE LIST, and then increase the du-
ties upon articles which the people of that sec
ton ARE COMPELLED TO BUY"
When an article is put upon the free list, all
the world can enter Our markets and sell sim
liar article in competition with us. When ar
ticles are placed the dutiable list, the foreign
world has to pay a custom-house tax before
these articles can be offered for sale in Our mar
kets The foreigner of course, adds to his
price the amount of duty which he had to pay
at the custom house, and thus these dutiable
articles necessarily sell for more than articles
which are admitted free of duty.
Now, what Gen. Wheeler meant was that the
"Tariff reform" Democrats chad injured the
South by framing bill whose inevitable effect
would be to compel the South to pay a higher
price for everything she bought while accepting
a lower price for all she sold.
The Wson-Gorman bill did have exactly
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1907-1917, 1908-11-05

that effect. It could not have been otherwise
The Cleveland Democrats virtually said to our
industrial oppressors, "Fake the pen and write
the law Just as you want it. You know how
to frame tariff schedule which will give you
the monopoly of the American market, thereby
enabling you to fix your own price for your
goods You bought the right to frame such
law. You paid for it in campaign Doodle. Go
ahead and fix the tariff to suit yourselves. In
advance we sold you that license: we now de-
liver the goods
The articles on which tariff duties were in
creased and the price thereby increased includ-
ed such common necessares as cheap clothing
steel wire, iron pipe of every sort, nails spikes,
tacks, brads, sprigs, rivets, saws, screws and
CASTLE soap.
AS Gen Wheeler said, ut includes many ar
ticles which are used by the laboring people of
the South who ought not to be thus burdened
EVEN TOOLS USED BY MINERS ARE
SUBJECTED TO AN INCREASE, while the
products of their mines are made Free
After having exposed the injustice of the
Wilson German law, Gen. Wheeler voted for
it. But what does that prove? Merely the
moral weakness which has SO long made of
brave pitiable slaves to party. No posi-
bic vote that Gen. Wheeler could cast could
wipe out his terrible denunciaton of this infa-
nous measure Of "Tariff reform" which the
Cleveland Democrats sold to the Privileged
Few
Did not Cleveland himself pretend to froth
with rage as wrote the "My dear Catchings"
letter in which he scored the Wison-Gorman
bill as an act of party perhdy and party dis
honor?"
His anger was assumed, of course. Had he
wanted to kill the BILL all he had to do was to
veto it. But he didn't have the pluck to defy
the ravenous corporations. AS a 1usty young
bachelor, he had hired poorer patriot to go to
the war and be shot at in his stead: in his ma
tured manhood he was equally lacking in the
elemental courage which regards the Call of
Duty as imperative, although it summons one
into the storm of battle, or of persecution more
cruel than death.
b. SH