The pioneer express., 1908-06-12
STORIES WORTH TELLING

A ST. Paul man tells of a German
proprietor of a saw mill in Minnesota
town who was accustomed to use fo.'
fuel the refuse from the lumber. The
fuel cost nothing, but it took four men
to provide it, because the machinery
was old-fashioned.
One day an agent for mill machinery
persuaded the owner to install new
equipment that would reduce the
amount of tie fuel one-half The
proposition looked like a good one. and
the agent confident of success. called
on the German after the installation Of
the machinery, fully expecting to be
congratulated. But the Teuton gave
him gloomy stare.
whats the trouble?" asked the
agent. 1.-THE machinery does all
claimed for it?'
Yes, but overlook something's"
What was that?'
"Vell, it dakes only two mems to han
die dot fuel. but it dakes de udder two
mems to haul away vot We didn't use
before, und team pesides."
A suburban family has n servant who
is an excellent cook, but insists upon
making all her dishes strictly accor l.
ing to her own recipes. Her mistress
gave her full swing not only as to
cooking, but as to the purchasing Of
supplies. The other day the mistress
said:
Mora, the coffee you are giving US
is very good What kind is it?"
'It's no kind at all, num-" replied
the cook. ITS mixer
How do you mix it?'
Il make it one-quarter Mocha ana
one-quarter Java, and one-uuarter
Rio"
"But that's only three-quartef.
What do you put in for the other quar-
ter?"
Il put in no quarter at all, num-
That's where so many spiles the cof-
fee, mum, by putting in a fourth quar-.
ter"
A train was just starting at GER
tain South London station and gen
tleman was about to open the door of
a carriage and jump in when the guard
ran up. seized him, and pulling him
back said:
why, probably saved your life. sir.
when in motion"
Presently the guards van came along
and the guard was just gliding in in
that graceful manner peculiar to all
guards when the aforementioned gen.
tleman rushed up and pulled him back
by the coat tails. exclaiming:
"You have saved my life, guard;
must save yours"
That guards face as the train went
off without him was picture to be-
hold.
AS the new minister was on his way
to evening service in the village church
he met a young man whom he was
anxious to have become an active
member of the congregation.
Good. evening, my young friend" he
said, solemnly. DO you ever attend a
place of Worship"
Yes. indeed sir; regularly every
Sunday night" replied the young man,
with smile I'm on my way to see
her now."-Philadelphia Ledger.
A story is related Of young man
who was recently married to the
daughter of wealthy merchant. The
groom did not have a penny, but he
was honest. He was so honest that he
would not even prevaricate' in the mar
riage ceremony. He was repeating
what the minister said.
With all my worldly goods thee en-
6ow," read the minister.
with all thy worldly goods me en-
dow" repeated the groom.
This was real honesty.-Tatler.
The venerable professor at a large
Eastern university had been noticing
for some time that young man on
the front row Of one of the classes ap-
parently never paid the slightest heed
to his lectures. One day, becoming
exasperated at this conduct. the pro-.
fessor testify asked:
See here, young man, what do you
mean by coming into my class day
after day and never taking notes?"
II have my fathers" was the calm
Observation-Disclosures Ledger.
A lady engaged cab to convey her
.tc Euston station. and urged the cabby
to drive fast as her time was limited
After proceeding quarter Of milo
at funeral pace the passenger warned
the cabby to whip the horse lest she
shouid lose her train.
B He did SO. but the speed soon sub
sided to the original pace. Again the
lady demonstrated, saying:
Cant YOU whip your horse on some
tender spot to wake him up q bit?''
The jehu looked at her a moment AMI
replied soberly:. We'll. miss. I've hit