davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-03-07
DISCIPLINE FOR A POLITICAL CLERGYMAN

~ Chancellor Day, of Syracuse University, is a clergyman, and in that char
acter hi is called upon ito nsNer TO charges by anotherc clergyman that he has
violated h rules and regulations of his church by his violent diatibes against
the President in defense of the STANDARD Oil magnates, who have endowed
the university with much money. Chancellor Day ar be left TO a clerical
arourt for discipline, but is he an more to be rebuked than the many other
political partisan clergymen who lug politics into their pulpts nd try to i'm
apose their political views o their hearers as part of their religious ceed2
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-03-07
FATAL MISTAKE.

"He would have been a rich man but
for an error in Judgment
Bought stocks at the wrong timer!
mo; selected the wrong parents
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-03-07
MARRIAGE.

o, marriage is a lottery
That either makes or mars.
IT likewise is a pottery,
To judge from family jars.
Philadelphia Record.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-03-07
HAVE A LAUGH WITH US
UP TO DATE.

what is hat quotation about beg
CARS? Something about wishes and
horses don't you know?
ooh YES. If wishes We're horses beg
CARS would want automobiles
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-03-07
NO MIE.A.MINuTE GAIT.

Did you have any trouble catching
the train?"
mo. 1t was standing still when !
tried"
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-03-07
BRIEF ANSWERS.

JOHN D., EAST oRANGE-There is
no school of c%hiropody in Newark. al
though there are several in New York.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-03-07
NO FAIR TRADE.

jerks has just been telling me the
story of his life"
what had you ever done to him?"
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-03-07

We cannot undertake to say which is
the best, nor can we publish business
addresses of this sort.-Ed.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-03-07
r FOR OTHERS.

so he is shifting for himself at
YES
What is he dolngg'
shifting scenes"
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-03-07
STRONG ON COLOR.

What caused her fit of blues7'
"The green-eyed monster
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-03-07
CAUSE FOR SORROW.

Bobby-Boo-hoo. boo-hoo, papa just
slipped and broke his leg!
Passerby-Never mind; he'll be bet
ter soon.
''Boo-hoo! Everyone saw him fall
but me. Boo-hoo!'
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1908-05-29
DEDICATE COURT HOUSE
Sanborn County Commissioners Dedi
Gated the New Building Very

NA ryFHLtt laIK-
Sanborn county's new court house
structure was dedicated Friday after
noon at Woonsocket. There was a
large number Of visitors in the city
from all parts of tile county to
participate In the affair and the day
was a line success.
The exercises occurred principally
in the afternoon, with Judge Dick
Haney, OF the supreme cours, as
the orator of the occasion. Other
addresses were made among which
was a talk by judge Frank u. Smith,
tile judge of the fourth judicial
circuit, of which Sanoorn county is
a part. Mayor Hitchcock. Of This
city, was also present at tile dedica-
tory exercises.
At tile conclusion of the speeches
the rest of the afternoon was given
over to sports and a ball game.
Sanborn county has a very attractive
building. and 1t cost abolL S45 600.
1t is we'll equipped for the purposes
Intended, and the people are really
entitled to something modern. for
there has been no court house in the
county since Ut was first organized,
the permanency Of the county seat
at Woonsocket always having Teen
under question.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1908-05-29
II umor
VISITING YOUR FRIEND.

No Place Like Home, After All, Sc a
Victim Believes.
Visiting has ever been a form of dis
comfort.
Your friend. who has Il new home. a
lately %replenished library. a unique
garden or something which represents
money enough to make him vain in its
possession, cannot res, until he has
dragged you from a happy home to
cater to this feeling of vanity,
AS for yourself, you put it off as long
as possible OF course you want to
go. The thought of not having been
able to get to see him has, you assure
him, filled you with perpetual gloom.
But circumstances over which you
have had no control have forbidden
All this you assert until the fatal mo-
ment arrives when you realize that no
further subterfuge is possible, and.
with many protestations of anticipa-
tory delight, you start off.
Your friend meets you at the station
with his auto. He explains its work
ings, its superiority owe oil others, as
you proceed back. If it breaks down
on the way, as is more than likely.
he smiles brightly. Such a thing has
never happened before. He knows, of
course. what the cause was. He men
lions it carelessly. thereby implying
that it was of so little consequence
that it was scarcely worth while to
avoid it.
You arrive at his house. Filled with
enthusiasm and reveling in a new vic
tim, he proceeds forthwith to drag you
owe its weary length before you have
had time to change your shoes.
Zine room this" he eXclaims. With
a burst of honest pride. and so on.
BY and by. when he is getting tired,
his wife, like q relay pony, takes up
the lecture where he leaves off.
So plastic are we that at the time by
a sort Of fictitious warmth you really
e to be enjoying yourself.
You exclaim in wonder over the fact
that you have been so long in getting
there. And when at last. a week later,
you reluctantly leave you tell him, with
tears in your eyes. that you had the
time Of our life.
1t is only when once more you find
yourself ioyfully in your own humble
apartments, with it's faithful bed,
whose very imperfections have endear-
ed themselves to you. that you cry out
in deep gladness. THANK God it's over.
for. after all. there's no place like
home!"-T. L. Mason in Puck.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1908-05-29
Richards Failed in This.

Dell Rapids Times: Dick Rich
ards attempt to deliver the Scandl-
pavian vote of South Dakota to the
insurgent ticket is nov reacting on
him. John Reierson, president Of
the Scandinavian League, at Mitch
ell, was asked to have a resolution
adopted endorsing Crawford fof the
senate, but he wanted to be sure
that he was justified In snch action,
and wrole Senator Kuute Nelson In
regard to the record of Senator Kit
tredge. The letter received from
Senator Nelson showed that the two
senators we're i'm perfect harmony
and have also stood shoulder to
shoulder on any matters OF impor-
lance and that lie was In close touch
with the administration. Richards
will have 10 try some new scheme tn
got votes for his cause. Dick. try
a little truth.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1908-05-29
NO ALTERNATIVE.
The sorry Had to Teach the Pompous
JUDGE a Lesson.

The Jury Had to Teach the Pompous
Judge a Lesson.
A certain trial judge in u certain
state became SO unpopular that the
only way he could get a verdict for the
state vas to make his charge in favor
Of the prisoner. When matters had
reached this stage a famous feud fight
er was arrested on a charge of murder
and brought to trial. The case, which
was the judges first murder trial, at
tracted much attention. and the judge,
whose unpopularity arose from his
vanity and pomposity. greatly enjoyed
his role as umpire of the law. The
case was q clear one against the de
PENDANT. and his guilt was so conclu-
sively proved that the judge even pre-
sumed to charge accordingly. The
Jury retired, and when they filed back
into court 1t was noticed that they
avoided the prisoners eye and looked
unusually solemn.
Gentlemen" said the judge, waving
the clerk into silence, "have you
reached a verdict?'
I'VE have" said the foreman.
The Judge opened a paper bag and
drew out a black cap. With m Inn
portant look around the courtroom he
placed this on his head and pulled it
down until it net his ear
prisoner" he said, "arise and look
ut the jury. Jury, arise and look at the
prisoner. Gentlemen. what is your
verdict?"
The jurymen, who had been whisper
ing to each other. nodded cheerfully
at the prisoner.
mot guilty." said the foreman.
"Of course" he said later, when ev-
cry one had shaken the innocent mans
hand, 'he was guilty all right. and
that was going to be u verdict, but
when the little judge put that black
cap on his head and pulled it down
owe his ears like that there was only
one thing for us to do. and we did it."
New York Sun.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1908-05-29
1t Reached the Spot.

Mr.. p. Humphrey. who owns a
large general store at Omega, o..
and is president OF the Adams Coun-
ty Telephone Co., as we'll as of the
Home Telephone Co., Of Pike Coun-
ty, o.. says Of DR.. Kings New Dis
covery; ut saved my life once. At
least l think It did. 1t seemed to
reach the spot-the very seat Of my
cough,-when everything else fail
ed" DR.. Kings New Discovery not
only reaches the cough spot; it heals
the sore spots and the weak spots
In throats. lungs and chest. Sold.
under guarantee at Diehl q Browns
drug store, soc and s1.0O. Trial
bottle free.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1908-05-29
How to Guess Any Number.

Desire one OF the company to think
Of any number she chooses, provided
1t be Tell her to triple 1t, halve
the product, triple this half and then
tell you how many times nine will go
into this last number. Multiply this
by two and it will produce the original
number. Thus suppose 4 to be the
number thought of. You triple it,
making it ~; halve this product. leav-
ing 6; again triple this, making 1S. in
which 0 will go twice. This twice.
multiplied by 2. gives you 4, the mum
Der thought of. Or, to give another
example. suppose 6 to be the number.
Triple it. IS; halve this, 8; triple it
again, %. You ask how many times
0 will go into the result and, being told
three times. multiply 3 by 2. and the
answer is 6.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1908-05-29
III. Moral Of Playing Cards.

Playing cards have had their moral
side, it may surprise you to know. At
the Rlenheim club in London. lecturing
on the subject Of playing cards from
the point of view of the collector. Mr..
Alfred Whitman said that the most
valuable packs were those that taught
Biblical history or inculcated moral
lessons. In Italy in the eighteenth cen-
fury 1t was customary to issue packs
Of cards with Old Testament scenes
engraved upon them. In Germany Of
the same period playing cards with
fables to which morals were attached
were customary. French playing cards
Of the time Of Louis XIV. were used to
teach geography and history. while In
the England Of Elizabeth and the Stu.
arts playing cards were used as po
udcal pamphlets. Most valuable were
cards issued In France at the time Of
the French revolution, when figures Of
Genius. Liberty and Equality took the
place Of kings, queens and knavss.-
london Saturday Review.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1908-05-29
Q III
Queer Mrs. kangaroo.

Mrs. Kangaroo has a big pocket in
which she carries her young ones. 1t
is the contest kind of a place for a lit
tie Kangaroo. and sometimes you will
find a whole family of brothers and
sisters in the pouch at once.
However, this is not the only way
Mrs. kangaroo has of carrying her
children. When hunters pursue her
she puts all her babies into her pocket
and runs for dear life. but if she feels
that the enemy is gaining on her and
that she is in danger of being captured
she seizes one little one after another
With her forepaws and hurls it out of
the pocket to one side of her pathway
as far as she can throw it. She takes
care to do this only at times when the
enemy is not in sight. In this way she
is relieved of the weight Of the young
sters, and she can run faster.
AT the same time. says the Chicago
News. her motive is not a selfish one.
She throws her babies out in so skill
full a manner that it does not hurt
them. They are soft little creatures.
and when they land in a brush heap
they are none the worse for it. The
hunter loses all scent of the little kan
garoos by this movement.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1908-05-29
ooN'T EXPERIMENT
You Will Make No Mistake II You
Follow This Mitchell Citizens
Advice.
Never neglect your kidneys.

Never neglect your kidneys.
If you have pain in the back. urin-
airy disorders, dizziness and nervous
ness, it's time to act and no time to
experiment. These are all symptoms
of kidney trouble and you hould
seek a remedy which is known to
cure the kidneys.
Doan's Kidney Pills is the remedy
to use. No need to experiment. It has
cured many stubborn cases In Mitch
ell. Follow the advice Of a Mitchell
citizen and be cured yourself.
Mrs. Leo Hofstetter. living at 201
w. First ST., Mitchell, S. D., says: 81
can recommend Doan's Kidney Pills
with great confidence, as they did me
more good than any doctors medi-.
cine I yer took. I first began to
suffer from this complaint about four
or five years ago. There was a throb-
bling ache in my back at times ac-
compared by sharp headaches and
spells ~ dizziness. 1 tried a great
many feAledies, but nothing seemed
to give me relief and I gradually
grew worse. At last I happened to
read about Doan's Kidney Pills and
procured a box at Diehl e Browns
Drug Store. They proved to be Just
the remedy my system required and
II feel better now than before In a
long time. l can recommend Doan's
Kidney Pills very highly.
For sale by all dealers. Price SO
cents. Foster-Mflburn Co., Buffalo.
New York, sole agents for the United
States.
Remember the name-Doans-
and take no other.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1908-05-29
Q H
Cheap CLEANING Fluid.

Most stains will yield to simple treat
ments. If they do not, soak them in
%javelle water, then rinse. Javelle wa.
ter is the most effective OF all cleaning
fluids and Is cheap. a gallon costs only
a few cents. Dissolve one pound OF
salsoda in a quart of hot water and
add it to the clear liquid left after dis
solving half a pound Of chloride of lime
in two quarts of water. This must be
tightly corked and kept in a dark place.
Never use it on anything but white
clothes, for it will take out color from
q fabric. To whiten clothing put two
or three tablespoonfuls Of the liquid
into the water in which the garments
are to be boiled.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1908-05-29
Character GUESSING.

All the players sit around in a circle.
The player who first thinks of an inter-
esting character in one Of Grimm's
fairy tales or in Alice In Wonderland
or any other book that is quite familiar
to all the players sits on the floor with
in the circle and begins to describe the
character. The other children listen
carefully, and the first one who thinks
he has guessed the character sits on
the fool beside the other and continues
to describe the character. If he has
guessed rightly and is correct in his
description, the first player allows him
to go on describing. but if he is mis-
taken the first player Shoes him out Of
the game. AS soon as a child thinks he
has guessed the character he sits on
the floor and tells what he knows of
the character. and SO it goes on till all
the children are sitting on the floor ex-
cept those who have guessed wrong,
and they are all driven out of the
game.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1908-05-29
ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS Re
WARD

I anu q candidate for office Of
County Treasurer for nomination at
primary election, June 9. i stand
Is . republican without regard to
factional strife, which / have opposed
from the first as unnecessary and
unwise. 1 desire to meet the voters
OF Dawson county at several public
places, Mt. Vernon, Ethan, Mitch.
ellsand Loomis and advocate prin-
Oipies Of greater Importance In this
campaign than the success Of any
candidate or. faction, or party.
hereby CHALLENGE George 81.
Minei the present county treasurer,
who was n OF my opponents in the
last campaivn to meet me at those
places nj furnish proof of the
truth OF the insinuations he caused
TO be published in several of the
republican papers with the malicious
intent TO lnjnre me as candidate for
treasurer, he knowing the same to
be untrue and causing said questions
w RuLlAolGOstu tdSU ISSUE vi pd0cIS
before election IN order 10 make 1t
Imp ssible Tor NE TO answer.
would suggest saturday, May %,
at 3p. m at Mt. Vernon and viii
meet him Mt that time and arrange
date fpf meetings Mt Other places.
none Of sail dates to be later than
Saturday, JuIe 8.
i ain ready and willing to answer
fully the questions aboye referred to
and | viii give him u chance to
state. how lon1 he has been a reput-
licaii, and his reason for abandoning
ills own chusen candidacy Tor office OF
county auditor to enter the tipi,t
az inst ne FIR county treasurer Inn
~ediately nponStl II withdrawal of my
istiV ht,ot.R n Nicholson. ftom the
c~s!npaisll us candidate against me.
4 b~slieveln . square deM in politics
as well as In business.
"A. b. Kelsey.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1908-05-29
CLEANING Wooden Floors.

Many times when there is a large
grease spot Oh the floor it is hard to
remove it with soap and hot water.
Fuller's earth will remove the most Oh
stinate grease spot. Dissolve some dry
fuller's earth in a small amount of hot
water to the consistency Of a thick
paste, then allow the earth to grow
cold. When it is cold spread it on the
grease spots thickly and allow it to re-
main on all night or for several hours.
When thoroughly dry scour it off with
cold water. Should the crease spot be
deep it may be necessary to repeat the
process once or twice.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1908-05-29
Domestic Uses of Turpentine.

Turpentine is a preventive against
moths. BY dropping a trife in the
drawers. trunks and cupboards it will
render the garments secure from in
jury during the summer. 1t will also
keep ants from the closets and store
rooms if q few drops are put in the
corners and upon the shelves. while it
is sure destruction to bedbugs and will
effectually drive them away from their
haunts If thoroughly applied to all the
joints Of the bedstead. 1t Injuries nei-
Their clothing nor furniture. One table
spoonful added to a bucket of warm
water is excellent for cleaning paint.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1908-05-29
Catarrh Cannot be Cured

with Local Applications, as they an
not reach the seat Of the disease.
Catarrh Is a blood or constitutional
disease, and in order to cure It you
must take internal remedies. Halls
Catarrh Cure Is taken internally
and acts directly on the blood and
mucous surfaces. Halls Catarrh
Cure is not a quack medicine. It
was prescribed by one of the best
physicians In this country for years
and is a regular prescription. It is
composed of the best tonics known,
combined with the best blood puri-
fiers, acting directly on the mucous
surfaces. The perfect combination
of the two ingredients is what pro-
duces such wonderful results in cur
ing Catarrh. Send for testimonials
free
F. ]. CHENEY & CO.. Props.
Toledo, Ohio.
Sold by Druggists, price Zoe.
Take Halls Family Pills for con-
stipation.
M..A Sailors Cont Swim.
you think it's strange, do YOU" said
the sailor, that us shellbacks car
hardly w swim?'
Strange and almost criminal," re,
piled the druggist firmly. Sailors who
can't swim-I don't understand It al
ALL"
The sailor frowned.
"Supposin'." he said. ION a cold.
black night you found yourself in the
sea-. moi q spar left Of the wreck
every %shipmate drowned. nothin' any
where but the cold, the blackness, the
bitter water. In them conditions" he
said what would you ruther do
swim and swim and swim in agony
till you. died or sink right down and
die at wunsty
II think I'd rather die at once.'' said
the druggist ~shuddering.
$50 sailors Think said the other,
"and it's to spare themselves possible
long hours OF agony that they like not
to learn to swim. And they encourage
their sons not to learn, too. If there's
any likelihood Of the lads follerin' the
sea."-New Orleans Times-Democrat.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1908-05-29
To Clean Shirt Waists.

Get a large heavy paper bag. Into
this put plenty of cornstarch. Now put
the article to be cleaned in the starch,
rubbing it in thoroughly. Tie up the
bag and leave the article in for several
days. Every day give the bag q good
shaking. Parts badly soiled a be
rubbed with the hands in the starch.
After several days shake the starch
out and press with warm iron. You
will find your waist cleaned without
much expense.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1908-05-29
Shoe Soma.

Twenty little beds in rows Of ten.
Twenty little rolly poly men.
Little black men go to bed by day.
l must put then in and make them stay.
Naughty little black man,
Go to bed. l say!
Naughty little black man,
Go to bed. l say!
Deary me! There. you see,
Now he's run away!
On the floor. by the door,
See him try to hide.
All tho other black men
Sleeping side by side.
Twenty little beds in rows of ten.
Only nineteen rolly poly men.
I've a little bed to spare today.
Naughty little man to run away!
Naughty little black man
Left an empty space.
Never mind. He will md
Some one takes his place.
Nurse has got quite q lot
Like the ones I lose
Little rolly black men.
6uttons on my shoes.
-washington star.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1908-05-29
"A J%aiiforn,an's Luck.

The luckiest day of my life was
when l bought a box Of Bucklen's
Arnica Salve;" writes Charles f.
Budahn, of Tracy, California. 1.-TWO
Csc. boxes cured me of an annoying
case Of itching piles, which had trou-
bled me for years and that yielded
to no other treatment" Sold under
guarantee at Diehl & Browns drug
store.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1908-05-29
Error In Grammar.

There has been u good deal of discus
sion now and then Is to the phrase
grammatical error" but the best
scholars hold that it is not good Eng
lish. The adjective grammatical" is
active and not passive, or perhaps it
might be better to say that it is sub
~jective and not objective, and it means
in accordance with the rules or prin-
ciples of grammar. There cannot, there
fore, be a grammatical error, for an err
ror cannot be grammatical. The right
expression is IAN error in GRAMMAR
Chicago News.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1908-05-29
Apple Butter Without Cider.

Take half a bushel of apples, peel
and put on stove in granite kettle. AT
the same time put Feelings on in n
other kettle and boil until soft. Strain
Juice into apple butter. Add water to
apples and cook until we'll done. Run
through a colander. Set back on stove
and cook until it thickens. Remove
and add 80 cents worth of dark bs~wn
sugar while hot. Replace on st,ve
again and let it cook slowly for n
and a half hours or until it is the re-
CURED thickness. stirring it occasion
ally. 1t will keep as long as desired.
This rule will make two gallons.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1908-05-29
Menaeerie-A Jolly Hoax.

Secure a box four or five feet long
and one or two feet across, open at
both ends. Put q sliding partition in
the center and place it, covered with a
dark cloth. ca Il table in a room adj
Joining the one where the company is
assembled. Admit a boy and girl to
this room. which is the m%enagerie.
The keeper asks them what animal
they wish to see first. They are then
placed at the opposite ends of the box
and told to look within; then the par
tition is suddenly drawn out, and they
gaze at n another. They remain in
the Don till all have been admitted
and hoaxed in the same way.