davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1908-11-22
Eat and Get Thin.

This is turning an old phrase face
about but modern methods of reducing
fat have made this revision possible.
If you are overfat and also averse
to physical eeXrtiOn and likewise fond
Of The table and sim want to reduce
your excess flesh several pounds. do
this, Go TO your druggist Tor write
the Marmola Company, Detroit. Mich.)
and give him Cor send them % cents
For this modest amount of money the
druggist viii put you in the way OF
satisfying your ambition for a nice,
trim, slim figure He will hand you a
large case of MaTmOla Prescription
Tablets Tcompounded IN accordance with
the famous MaUmOla Prescription. one
of which you must take after each
meal and at bedtime until you begin
TO lose your fat at the rate of u to is
ounces a day. That is all Just go on
eating what yOU like, leave exercising
to the athletes, but take your little
tablet faithfully and without a doubt
that fabby flesh viii quickly take unto
itself wings. leaving behind it your ma
tural self, neatly clothed in firm flesh
and trim muscles.
The Washington times., 1908-11-22
Boomers Abound and
Scarcely Ever Is a Kick
Registered.
FULSOME JOY ISLOT
OF THE VILLAGERS
They Worry Not Over the Doings
of the Commissioners or
Congress.

Company of Baltimore. CThey we're
surprised 10 hear that some Of the folks
IN Washington were kicking about Eas.)
Six churches
Six doctors in active practice.
A homegrown ice plant
No saloons
Tie absence OF predatory wealth. but
The presence of a lot of home owners
and well-hXed citizens.
More than 81 10000 worth of assessa-
bic property; money in the sinking fund.
ana some Of the sewerage and water
bonds already destroyed
Last HyattsviIle. with thirty or forty
families, ready 10 be annexed.
In concluding I must refer TO POST
master George Tise. who has seen tho
mails grow heavier and heavier Tor
many, many moons. The postmaster
knows a lot about scented love missives,
but no HyattsvllIe beauty has ever
known him 10 tell
Ditto W y. Hickey, himself a bache-
LOT, VINO makes prescriptions and draws
soda water at the drug store. and who
sees much that he is supposed to forget
DIT Dallas Irwin is Doc Hickey's side
partner but can't expect 10 get as mach
attention from those VINO visit the drug
store as HlCE. for Irwin uaUueued 10
get married some time ago
The Washington times., 1908-11-22
COMING BEAU BRUMMEL.

A coming Beau Brummel is young
Charles Fenwick, who is also on the
Wells Drug Company pay roll.
The place was so big and busting that
We couldn't visit all its establishments,
but while we waited for a car we spent
a moment or two at Gus Henning's Oys-
ter house. fleming has never been
known To fail the hungry natives when
1t came 10 supplying the "bivaIves." as
they are called when you've already re-
feTred 10 them several times as oysters
TO summarize; Judge Carr says he
can furnish the minister. the girl and
the house. / heard similar remarks
from other real estate men. The water
IS nne, the lights are good. the poDuIa-
non on the Increase. Therefore unless
you want the world with a barbed wire
'ence around il, you're invited To come
to Hyattsviile. Drive out on the boule-
ward.
The Washington times., 1908-11-22

the town are the following. thu reader
noting that HyattsvIIe tries to rec
ognize all the professions when pos
sibIe:
W. A. Brooks. business man; II. W.
Shepherd. bank cashier. John Fainter,
plate printer. Herman r. Burgess. con-
tractor; stephen Kelly. bookbinders J.
Frank Rushe, business man.
The diversified sessions of the council
are duly recorded by O. II. Carr. clerk,
and If there is any obtuse legal prob
lem that requires unraveIing the couu-
Gil has most ambitious and tai
euted attorney in the person of r ".
Wells, much seen about the City Han
in Washington in the daytime.
Presiding over the destinies Of a
thriving country weekly, / found Edi-
tor George Mcfarland. Mr.. Mcfarland
is assisted by +. A Fuller. who COM
mutes back and forth each day be
tween Washington and HyattsviIe.
Just now Mr. Fuller is secretary TO the
school Investigating committee, at
other times he holds forth in Captain
Keuys Office and anywhere else a
handy man is needed about the Dis
tTiCt Building
The Washington times., 1908-11-22
VISITED ON CHILDREN.

But the early settlers didn't think of
these minor matters, SO their sins were
visited upon the children OF the first
generation. who made real cheerful tax
payers in after years. Now. the mayor
told me, everything is all right with
the exception of a few streets vet 10
be paved. HyatJsyiile admitted that>un-
less these streets We're paved, the town
would resemble an ad for n mud bath
resort SO think the residents will
soon be willing TO stand for this little
matter of street paving. When / saw
streets, 1 mean stTeets-Jhe sidewalks
are already macadamized. thank you.
Having thus limited at the general
contentment which h0vers over Hvatts-
Vile, / propose to enumerate the causes
thereof, as I bring some of the leading
citizens in the calcium light of publicity.
Let us meet Col. Arthur Carr. Justice
of the peace, real estate maguate. and
old citizen. went in 10 see the Judge"
ostensibly to find out how many con-
pies he'd married.
Justices Of the peace cant marry
folks under the Maryland law" he said
Often have I been approached to Tie
the knot but I couldn't. The best T
can do for them is to lead them TO a
and let him TX 'em. It's lust
as well, too, the ministers make little
enough
The Washington times., 1908-11-22
CONTENTED COMMUTERS.

I ran across another contented COM
muter in the person OF y. King, captain
OF the watch at the Bureau Of En-
craving and Printing. At hrst I thought
the captain said he held forth at the
Government Printing Office, and 7 made
bold to ask how he liked the sim uni
forms in vogue there.
"No Uniform for me- De said. rather
emphaucaIly- 81 wore a uniform forty
five years ago and I got enough of It,.
I don't expect 40 put on another
Dr. Charles a. Wells plays the part
Of match m lker'' without knowing it.
The doc maintains the town drug store
and here meet In daily converse, when
the latter have permission. the beauti-
fuI girls that Judge Carr tells us about,
and the boys from the agricultural col
lege. saw one Of them-C0rporaI J..
". Kingdom. He says that permission
has 20 be obtained every time the fel-
lows wants to come down TO Hyatts-
Vile.
DO you actually lave 10 tell the pro-
fessors that you " sh to call upon a
Hvattsviue BELIEF" we gsked IN alarm.
ION, no. We just say We want a few
hours off for the purpose Of visiting
Hyattsville.
I asked the corporal why so few Of
the cadets were down that afternoon.
An error of judgment, he said, il ap-
bearing that the boys had recently bet
on their football team and the rival
team had trarEpled IL under foot with
gIeeful peTsistenCy.
Not many OF the boys come down
when they are broke he said.
Wherefore, I judged that the corporal
wasn't broke, as he could buy soda and
CIGARS
The Washington times., 1908-11-22

al George Landlord: Cadet H. Twigg.
Cadet McEna ny; Lieutenant Dryden
Sergeants Tyd.ngs and Woolford, and
others whose names are not given, be
cause they have girls back home
Capt. r. W. Sylvester is principal Of
the NJ A. c. From all I could learn.
the captain is most generous in extend
ing permission TO visit "Hyattsyille, q"
ana ~ not regarded so heartless a de-
spot as some others who rule over in
situations OF haZing and learning. We
we're told that hazing was against the
rules, but occasionally the seniors util-
iZe the motto which says something
about the exception proving the rule
Ine Maryland Reporter. another pa
per- is also presided over by a chief
having NC" before his name. This
time it's John Mccormick, wieIder of
a trenchant pen for 10, these eight
years Editor McCormick's office is
decorated with large photos Of Taft.
sherman. and Fairbanks, leading
strongly 10 the belief that he didn't
care II Bryan was defeated His Jour
nalistic trials are made lighter by two
sons. also somewhat Republican in their
leaninEs-
The only Republican paper in Prince
george county says Mr.. McCOrmich !"
lLEEHU with r-frfr-v-
The Washington times., 1908-11-22
MAYOR AND REGISTRAR.

DIT. James r. Owens Is mayor Be
sides being a lawyer he is also regis
trar over at the Maryland AgricuI-
turaI College, just on the hill The
mayor has lived in HyattsviUe TWEEN
ty-thTee years, has been on the com
mon council ten, at the college nine
teen, and mayor three years. The
mayor said the town wasn't bothered
about a single municipal problem;
that taxation was light, the folks
happy, and that if they could just get
the streets paved all the way through
he believed HyattsviIle would be q
perfect subdivision of Eiysium.
Assisting Mayor Owens in running
The Washington times., 1908-11-22
HOW NAME CAME.

He told me hat Hyattsville got its
name from the fact that most of It used
TO he the old c. c. Hyatt farm" an
early settler. who had a lot of survey
ing done in that section. and decided
ne might as well annex a few acres.
Originally thsreabouts belonged 10 Lord
Baltimore. being granted hin. by who
ever was running things in England at
the time. but that doesn't have anything
to DO with getting the streets paved
now.
DR.. Charles A. Wells. wealthy citizen.
who has practically retired after a long
and useful service to the community,
We found TO be still a moving spirit
lie Is president of the Hyattsville Build
ing ASSOCIATION. which has formed the
haDlt or lending money 10 anybody
Wh0s tired of paying rent and wants
10 breaZe the ozone OF HyartsViue or
contingent territory. Dr. Wells was the
second mayor of HyattsviIle. and only
reli5qu!sEed the Job because il was
rather Fostering in those days.
For sixteen years he was a member
Of the common council whose mem
beTS were then known as commission
ers.' this being before the mayor was
authorized.
Until his retirement four years ago
DR.. Wells had pTaCtiCed in and around
Hyattsviile TO- forty-three years. Con-
sequently he saw much of the population
in its early infancy. and attests to the
place being as healthy as pure water
and doctors can make IL.
The Washington times., 1908-11-22
TWO NEW VESSELS
WILL HAVE CAFES
Cincinnati and Cleveland Will In
augurate Some Novel Ideas
IN Catering
in Catering.

LONDON. Nov. T.-Travelers cross
ing the Atlantic next summer on the
new Hamburg-AmeTican liners, the Gin
Cinnati and the Clev eiand, will sample
the newest idea in steamship catering.
On these boats the table d'hote sys-
tenn will be entirely what they please.
as i'm a first-class restaurant This is
an extension of the restaurant system
already introduced on the Deutschland
and other fast boats of this line the
whole catering arrangements on the
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. ships being in the
hands of an English company.
The Washington times., 1908-11-22
GOSPEL OF DANCE
TO HAVE DUKES AID

DARMSTADT, Nov. H.-Grand Duke
Ernest Louis, of Hesse, who dabbles a
great deal in art, expending large sums
on paintings and sculptures as we'll as
on the theater, is to help Isadora Dun
can, the California dancer, to spread
her gospel of the true artistic dance. %
as she understands it.
The grand duke, who is supported bv
a number OF South German capitalists.
her dancing academy from RerIiD 10
this city, placing at her disposal a hail
and other technical facilities free Of
charge Miss Duncan has announced
that she viii accept no pupil over fiye
years of age. The children will receive
full instructions in the element ~
sciences as well as in dancing, music.
and other arts.
The Washington times., 1908-11-22

sheath gown shape. and the natives
soon after awOke to a realization the
land wasn't dressed just as il should
be. ard HyattsvIIe had 10 begin TO bur
den the people with taxes for paving
and other improvements. Now, if the
fellows twenty years ago had been real
thrifty, ran this lament. the investors
could just as well have had grass grow
ing all over the lawns, brass hinges
upon the gates, embossed paving on the
sidewalks, and sterilized air for the air
ships.
The Washington times., 1908-11-22
PARTIAL TO IRISH.

But to return to Mr.. Mcfarland, who
necessarily has to sit on the lid IN Mr..
Fuuer's absence. judge the former
is a little bit partial TO the Irish race.
although he says his grandfather used to
spell it Macfarlane and Il got all mixed
up at roll call in the war, Anyway.
Mr. Mcfarland made trip through the
South number Of years ago When
he returned somebody said:
The Irish don't count for much in
the South, do they2"
THE - they don't" said Editor
Mcfarland. Reagan is Senator from
Texas Niles Crowley Is Representative
The Washington times., 1908-11-22

from the same state. McSWeeucy is
governor OF South Carolina; Pat Walsh
Is Senator from Georgia; O'FaTTel is
governor OF Virginia, and NCCOrkle is
governor OF West Virginia. You don't
want the Irish 10 hold all the offices,
do your"
The dubious one shut up. then and
there.
Mr. Mcfarland seems prosperous and
happy and says he'd rather run a
country paper in a town Of 5000 than
work at the Government Printing Of
fee, both Of which he has tried. He
used 10 know the present Public Printer
when he was called Spider" Leech.
Long Yeas ago, he says, the boys
called Mr.. Leech spider because he
was SO thin and wilI5wy.
The Washington times., 1908-11-22

Henderson was assigned to room 25G
AMI Haney to room 252, both on the third
nocC. They left a call for o'clock.
Henderson arose before that hour and
went to Haney's room. The door was
locked and he summoned a bellboy and
forced an entrance. Haney was lying
across the bed, unconscious, and gas
was flowing from an open Jet
While attaches of the hotel were at
tending to Haney, Henderson fed.
The Washington times., 1908-11-22
OFFICER
HAS COUNTERFEIT

VIENNA, Nov. 4.-Baron Sergius
Reitsehel. the master of the ceremonies
to the Czarina, has met with an I'M
pleasant adventure.
He had been intrusted with a political
mission 10 COnstantinOple, and while on
his journey made a detour to Budapest.
where he unWittingIy rendered counter
felt coin In payment OF a bill and was
arrested
He explained that ne was not aware
that the money was spurious, and that
he had received the coins in change at
a fashionable restaurant which he had
visited
Evidence OF his ideatity and status
was speedily forthcoming and Baron
Reitschel was released.
The Washington times., 1908-11-22
TRIES TO END HIS LIFE
IN ROOM OF A HOTEL
Man Who Registers in New York as Michael Hanev,
Chicago" Turns on the Gas During the Night.
His Friend FeeS

NEW YORK, Nov. IA man who
registered with a friend at the Putnam
House, 1863 Fourth avenue. as Michael
Haney. Chicago" tried to commit sui
eide in his room today by turning on
the gas. He was found unconscious
and taken to Bellevue Hospital, where
IT was said he would recover.
Haney's friend registered as John
Henderson, Chicago"
The Washington times., 1908-11-22
CITY'S BLESSINGS.

DR.. Wells and a few other citizens
summed up the sum total OF Hyatts-
Vile happiness in the following resume
of the things that are as they should be:
Seven or eight artesian wells.
Good gas from the Consolidated Gas
The Washington times., 1908-11-22
DIVORCE EVIL.

Talking about marriage" continued
the judge, who was busy fixing a real
estate paper, when we butted in
what's the matter with folks these
days? I never saw so many divorces. %
We told the judge that he might search
US, or words TO that erect.
You know I don't think the young
folks think over it now Ike they used
to. A fellow sees some r7ood-lool,ing
girl, says TO himself she seems ali
right and then they get tied uD. Next
Ihlng you know lawyer is fixing up
divorce papers II wasn't that way in
my day. We thought over a thing
then
How long did you think about it.
judge?' I asked, thinking TO catch the
legal light.
The Washington times., 1908-11-22
CADET BEAUS.

7 learned that a number Of the col
lege boys are admired ~ Hyattsville
beauties and frequently just catch the
last car home. Among those who try
to answer present when the parlor
lights are burning are: Cadet Major
Mayer; Lieut.. COrdeu TOWsky; Corpor-
The Washington times., 1908-11-22

Twenty year" replied the admins
traitor Of Justice. A silence fell upon the
group. Then a customer uttered these
words from the side lines:
Il tell yer judge. it's thiserway. Ia
the old days when you was coming on
the girls wore their calico dresses and
you wore your hOmespun shirts
There vas no frsls and fur}yelows and
false pretenses. II a girl had a good
hgger and good looks you saw it and
liked her. There warn't no taking of
OF pads and false teeth and wigs and
other things. Yer got spliccd and yer
stayed stuck didn't verg"
The Washington times., 1908-11-22
ONE DISAPPOINTMENT.

Tie judge opiued as how this was
about right and then went ahead writ
ing real estate. The only disappoint-
meut about the judge was that he isn't
allowed to marry folks.
IN tell you what I'll do though" he
said, 'HyattsvilIe has got more pretty
women in it than any town you ever
saw Come out here and I'll rent or sell
you house and guarantee 10 md you
a g0Od-iooking wife to put IN it,"
We advise those who wouldn't be com
hitting bigamy TO go out and let the
judge supply them. He is a versatile
person, IS Judge carr. This is the way
his shingie reads.
The Washington times., 1908-11-22
ARTHUR CARR

Real estate and Insurance. Houses,
lots and farms for sale and rent
Rents collected. Justice Of the peace
Couyeyancing in all its forms and
collections promptly attended to.
soon after we left the judge we
came upon the store of Frank Carr.
We had been told that he knew all
about J1yattsville and why IL existed.
"Are YOU any kin TO Judge Carr2" j
asked, as an opener. Just his son,
that's ALL" spoke UP the merchant.
you don't need 10 take up time with
me If you've seen him. He knows all
about the place" Mr.. Carr has been
q merchant twelve years and looks as
though he had always been Stalled.
He's nearly as large around the Cape
d. Good Hone as JudEe TAFT.
The Washington times., 1908-11-22
CLASS M m/Z/Z4RY

TACTICS IT me
[z4R%L 4HO 4GR/CUr
TUR4Z COLLIE &C
THE SPD6Z e n IS 10
exec UTE mr. ~EZ4nk~,
"OIE| NJ. ca 0TURE
mr. SC/SSZ RS and
PETREAT sU/TH az
ITE A/LO o. T7E
SIZE TONER Ok
OoC OVENS
The Washington times., 1908-11-22
But One Protest Is Heard :;
Cost Involved in Paw
ing Streets.
FOUNDERS CARELESS
INLAYING CITY OUT
Cause for This General Salts
faction Is Accounted for
by DR.. Wells.
By THEODORE H. TILLER.

THIS is the tale of a contented vii
LACE. Honestly. the folks out at
HyattsviUe are so coutented and
4 overjoyfuI over their surround
iucs that if our ancient friend Job were
alive he'd be pointed out as the village
Crouch.
Everybody is a boomer. It begins in
infancy. and by the time a new arrival
iu HyausviIIe has passed the goo-goo
stage he's a press agent for some KIND
Of baby food When he grows up. II
he hasn't anything 10 boost himself, he
advertises something that belongs to his
ueigubor, describes II as the only bona
hde i5y producer in existence. AYERS
that the pattern has been lost. and
there's no chance for any other village
to get a duplicate.
No kicks against the Commissioners,
for the place is out of the District no
suowls at Congress, for Hyattsville
doesn't care If IL never sits, with the
Maryland Legislature on the job, no
suIphuriC citizens association meetings.
Tor a mayor and city council run the
town to the satisfaction OF every body:
no frenzied yeIps for better gas water,
and sewers, for they're all there with
spangIes on. and are home made.
ONE LITTLE PROTEST.
But one wee protest could I find in the
village. Somebody said that folks were
q little bit careless twenty years ago,
when the town was first laid out, An
enterprising real estate firm. it seems,
annexed a big lot Of land where Hyatts-
Vile now has out a single said land
cost about 500 per acre. and by num-
Der of hypnotic maneuver1ngs people
were persuaded to believe that II was
worth az least 5000 per acre cut up into
lots. At least, that's what an Old resi-
dent told me. and ne said that If the
folks had been a little more careful and
insisted upon some improvements, such
as paved streets, being conveyed in the
deed of sale il would have been better
for the Observation-Disclosures.
AS it was this Old resident assured
me- the lots were sold in somewhat
The Washington times., 1908-11-22

THIS is the tale of a contented vii
laEe Honestly. the folks out at
HyattsvuIe are so contented and
4 overjoyfuI over their surround
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1908-02-11

, stones. 10 reproduce the gems snowr
In the photographs he had crystals cul
like the originals, then exposed them
to the influence of radium.
ut wasn't a week after this that one
Of the multlmilllonaires Of America
came to Berlin. At the same time came
a princeling. cousin of the emperor A
state dinner was given, the emperor
pretending that il was for the prince
ling. but 1t was really for the big Amer.
lean banker, The empress called for
all her Jewels, Bertha brought them to
her, and neither she nor any one else
knew that they had been manufactured.
The funny part Of It was that the great
banker. who was collector OF all kinds
Of rare articles, through medium. Of
fered the empress five times the cost of
her jewels. She sold them to him, and
he presented them to an American mu.
scum. They are really curiosity.
though he didn't know II. for they were
the first manufactured real gems.
though now there are millions OF them.
And because they are cheap people
don't wear them any more.
Meanwhile Bertha suspected one OF
the maids of honor of stealing the lost
gems. The girl finally confessed TO
Bertha and returned them. This was
after the manufactured ones had gone
10 America. Bertha consulted with
as to what they should do.
He said their return would make a
ireadful scandal and might create a
,ad feeling between Germany and
America. SD they said nothing about
hem. but buried them"
"And what became OF Maximiliau
md Bertha?" asked the child.
"They are now the Count and Count
'ss Of Blumenstein."
why. that's papa and you"
"S-h, my child. Never speak Of II
o any one. have been very incau.
ious to tell you the story"
ELENEOR GREGGS.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1908-02-11
Simple Remedy For La Grippe

La grippe coughs are dangerous as
they frequently develop into pneu-
monia. Foley's Honey and aTr not
only stops the cough but heals and
strengthens the lungs so that no SER
ious results need be feared. The
genuine Foley's Honey and Tar con-
tains no harmful drugs and is in a
yellow package. Refuse substitutes.
For sale by T. F. Laurin.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1908-02-11
LAUNDRIES.

Those Pleated Bosom Shirts
The kind known by dressy men in
the summer. are difficult articles to
launder nicely, Unless you know just
how to do it, the front pleats won't
iron down smooth, and the shirt
front will look mussy Our New
Press lroner irons them without
rolling or stretching. Try it.
TROY LAUNDRY,
Tenth and Duane. Phone Main 1901
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1908-02-11

NOE 26 and ~ run from Astoria to Catsop
from Portland to Astoria and Catsop direct No ox NO
foand % Aos ora oa No 10 runs from Astoria Cp Beach Si ~
NOS ~ 70 and ~ run via IT, Stevens
Astoria and Portland direct Additional train Will rn S Ss:op Bssch 70
stevens and return on Sundays leaving Astoria M srv 20 M
SsS ESn 1v PS.Sd " s.,:n s;s Astoria as n
with Northern Pacific Railway Astoria wi ssr -, nas A. Goh
ard mhmcok and nwacc Railway Navigation COS boat ma rs Mn
further particulars spply TO- r. JENKTa MAST ana hucps For
3@s4naazAGa Gen. IT. PassngE Agt.
ASTORIA OR5an0N
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1908-02-11

ROOM AND BOARD.

Holden House Room and board,
$500 per week and up. Corner Ninth
and Duane. 2-7-7t
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1908-02-11
NOTICE.
TO WHOM 1T MAY CONCERN

TO WHOM 1T MAY CONCERN
Northwestern National Insurance
Company's insurance policies Nos,
1875 to $50, inclusive, of the Astoria,
Oregon, agency of this company,
have been lost, mislaid or stolen
from this company's Office ut
Astoria, Oregon, and this is to
notify any person or persons hold
ing the above policies that the same
are void and OF no effect North.
western National Insurance Co, OF
Milwaukee, Wis. +. N, Clark. Agent,