The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1908-06-04
A "MR DOOLEY"
IN SO. DAKOTA
Deadwood Humorist Injects q
Little Fun i'm Campaign

| DeauWOOu leleXram.- 1 see,
said Hennessy, as he laid the evening
Telegram on the bar, and reached
for his glass of beer, that the
Sthalwarts has opened up their hid
quarters"
They have that" remarked
Dooley, they have that. They're
knocking Crawford so hard that
whln We turrun the corner av Lee
street We begin to wondther where
the boiler factory is anyway"
DO you know Hennessy. there's
three kinds av republicans now, and
We can always tell wan av thin from
the other. if ye're obsarving."
How so Terrence" asked Henn-
essey, somewhat bewildered.
Theirs sthalwarts, theirs insurg-
ints, and thin theirs wan other
koind, new wan-the thermometers.
Ye can always tell a sthalwart be
his funeral Expression. If he feel
anything loike he looks. Hennessey.
his funeral is over. An We can tell
an insurgint aisy. He sthrolls
around wild a kind av worried ixpres-
sion, as if he was alriddy carrin' the
cares ay sthate on his shoulders.
'Tis round-shouldhered some av thin
are gittin' just to think av it, and
theirs leak at the corner av his
mouth; It's watherin' for the pie
that's commin'.
But theirs an aisier way we can
tell sthalwart, Every mothers
son av thin is lame, these last few
weeks"
Hennessey's eyes grow round with
wonder. "Arrah. go on Terrence,
'tis funnin' ye are"
"Divil a bit av it, 'tis the truth |
am tellin' We. Ye see, after the
convintion, there waz such a roosh
to the insurgint band wagon, where
Policy, Hayes, Grlmshaw, WeDb,
and George Ayers and the rist of
the bunch are sittin, there was such
a roosh to get into it that they
tramped on wan another's feet,
'twaz chrowded, and the steps is
narrow, and there we are"
''Phat the divil is a harmonizer,
anyway" asked Hennessev. that's
new wan on me-"
"A harmonizer," said Dooley, sis
phwat me ould frind Darwin wud
call the 'ivilution av sthalwart,
whim sthalwart has skinned his
knuckles, and bruk his finger nails
be thryin' to cline into the wagin'
where Webb and Grim and the rest
of the boys aire sittin' so aisy, if We
please. afther he has run till he's
all out ay wind, then he ivilutes' in
to a 'harmonizer.' Ye can see a
harmonizer most any day, Hinnls-
sey, on the corners, by the postoffice
or at the city hall. or the koort
house, wild wan arm around sthal-
wart and the other around an in
surgint, while he sobs wild the tears
runnin down his face Get tighter
boys; let us have harmony And
that's a harmonizer, Hinnissey."
"Shure," remarked Hennessey,
IL cant make head nor tail av the
difference between phwat thin
sthalwarts want and phwat the in
surgints want. Phwat's the differ
ence. anyway; they're both raypoob-
licans."
They are. and they're not" re-
marked Dooley. "a sthalwart is a
safe and sane raypooblican, and an
insurgint is crazy raypooblican.
Whin good raypooblican goes
Grassy he used to become a pop most
ly, and if he was real crazv. dim
mycrat, but now he becomes an in
surgint. Thin fellers have the
crazy idea that the big ducks that
own the railroads shud spind their
tonne runnin the railroads and not
runnin the legislatures-that they
shud own more thrack and fewer
guvernurs- that the railroad shud
have more cars on their thracks,
and fewer sinitors at Washington,
and that the railroads shud be dis
eliminated agin' by maxim thin
pay their taxes. Phwat was but the
natchural sthate ay pop Hinnessey,
or a mere harmless ixcintricity in a
dimmycray. becomes vilint insan-
ity whin raypooblican catches it,"
4