davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11
A Stranue Will.

A law case with strangely dramatic adjuncts was lately before the su- perior court of St. Petersburg. The odd circumstances leading to the legal proceedings were as follows:
 One of the wealthiest land owners near Smolensk died not long ago, and after the funeral the heirs looked yainly for the will, but without sue cess.
 A few days later a young man, see ing graphophone on table in the Gead mans library, put into it a record which he supposed was that of a popu- lar Russian song. To his amazement and terror, instead of song he heard the voice of the dead man recite the words of the missing will
 The heirs were notified of the dis. coyery, lawyers were summoned, and they lost no time in examining the record containing the will. 1t was found to be flawless, and the question theE arose whether a will left on a graphophone cylinder would be deemed valid by the courts. It is, therefore on this unique point that the superior court must render it's decision.-Sunday Magazine.
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11

Shortface the millionaire who made a fortune by inventing way to open clans by steam, has determined that no foreign count will marry bs daugh- ter, Sudsetta. She will inherit about $l93, 100000, about SIS of which is loose enough to spend. The unhappy father is building a spite fence around his mansion, which will be about 22 feet high, and all the unmarried mil lionaires without daughters, 10 speak of, will contribute champagne bottles to put on top of the fence. If the count gets Sudsetta he is more of a sparrow than her father thinks he is. ''
 It's pitiful Bunch; that's what it is, pitiful.
 All over the country rich men are dropping their beloved daughters in the cyclone cellars and hiding mammals stocking with the money in it out in the hay loft.
 I am glad, Bunch, that am not a rich man with a daughter who is eat ing her heart out for a moth-covered title and q castle on the Rhinewine.
 You can bet. Bunch, that no dapgh- ter of mine can ever marry a tall gent with nose like quarter past six and a knowledge of the English lan- guage which doesn't get beyond l. 0. |.
 Talk to the nobility you have been hobnobbing with, Bunch, and see if you can reform them
 Yours in hope, JOHN. Copyright, 1908, by c. ". Dillingham; Go )
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11
Sneeze Cause for Divorce.

Mrs. John Buckles of Denver is af- ter a divorce because her husband sneezes. It makes her nervous and the baby nervous, and even the neigh bors get fidgety and talk when John wakes up in the middle of the night with a rousing old 'Ho-rash-shoo!" That's the way Mrs. Buckles described it to the attorney she applied to. John uses snuff and when he awakened he would take a pinch of snuff and then lie in bed, hump his back and hora- shoo 50 times or more. It would shake the bed and knock all the covers off and the baby would set up yell, and Mrs Buckles just got distracted. The attorney told her that perhaps John could not help it, but the lady in sisted she wouldn't live with the hora- shoo man. She went of declaring she would think up some more bad habits of Johns if sneezing wasn't fit cause for action--Minneapoli Journal
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11
A SIMPLE SAFEGUARD IN BUYING
 PAINT.

Everybody should know how simple and easy it is to avoid all uncertainty in buying paint materials. There are many so.called white leads on the market which contain chalk, zinc, barytes, and other cheap adulterants. Unless the property owner takes ad- vantage of the simple means of pro- tection afforded him by reliable white lead manufacturers, he runs great risk of getting an inferior and adulterated white lead.
 It is to protect the paint buyer against fraud and adulteration that National Lead Company, the largest makers of genuine Pure White Lead, place their famous Dutch Boy Paint CT" trademark on every keg of their product, an absolute guarantee of it's purity and quality. Anyone who wants 10 make a practical test of white lead and who wants valuable free book about painting, should address Ma tional Lead Company, Woodbridge Bldg, New York, and ask for test equipment.
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11

squirrels and all animals except those that can be reached by an automo- bile, but why don't we have. law to protect the heiresses?
 Why are these titled slobs permit ted to borrow car fare, and come over here and give this fair land fit of indigestion?
 Why are they permitted to set their proud and large feet on the soil for which our forefathers fought and bled for their country, and for which some of us are still fighting and bleeding the country?
 Why?
 Why do these fat-heads come over here with silver cigarette case and a society directory and make every rich man in the country fasten bui. glar alarm to his check book?
 Find out, Bunch.
 A few days ago one of these nuts with an Edam title jumped of an ocean liner, and immediately the price of padlocks rose to the highest point ever known on the stock exchange.
 All over the country rich men with romantic daughters rushed to and fro and then rushed back again.
 They were up against crisis.
 If you could get near enough to the long-distance telephone, Bunch, you could hear one rich old American guy shrieking the battle-cry to another cap tain of industry out in Indianapolis ITO arms! The foei The foe! He comes with nothing but his fuli-dress suit and blank marriage license! Te arms. To arms!"
 The telegraph wires are also sig vling with excitement.
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11
MOTHER AND CHILD
Both Fully Nourished on erape-Nuts

The value of this famous food is shown in many ways, in addition to what might be expected from it's chem ical analysis.
 Grape-Nuts food is made of whole wheat and barley. is thoroughly baked for many hours and contains all the wholesome ingredients in these ce- reals.
 It contains also the phosphate of potash grown in the grains, which Ma ture uses to build up brain and nerve cells.
 Young children require proportion ately more of this element because the brain and nervous system of the child grows so rapidly.
 A Va mother found the value of Grape-Nuts in not only building up her own strength but in nourishing her baby at the same time. She writes:
 After my baby came I did not re- cover health and strength, and the doctor said I could not nurse the baby as did not have nourishment for her. besides 1 was too weak.
 He said I might try a change of diet and see. what that would do, and recommended Grape-Nuts food. I bought pkg. and nsed it regularly. A marked change came over both baby and I.
 My baby is now four months old. Is in fine condition, am nursing her and doing all my work and never felt better in my life" There's a Reason 9
 Name given by Postum Co, Battle Creek. Mich. Read The Road to We'll ville," in pkgs
 Ever read the above letter. A new one appears from time to time. They are genuine, true, and full of human interest.
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11
JOHN 1ENQY
ON
 TITLED FOREIGNERS
BY GEO. V. HOBART, c'HueH m'HueH.D

Dear Bunch: Your letter from Ven ice is at hand, and we are glad, indeed, 10 hear from you.
 l hope you won't fall in the canal while ill Venice. No doubt your early education on the Erie will be of great help to you--get ap.
 l notice from your letter that you've been hob-nobbing with nobility over there-careless Bunch
 We got em over here Bunch. by the gross, SD you haven't anything on us.
 l went in to the Waldorf to meet Uncle Peter one evening last week. and I found him entertaining Ger man nobleman--the Count Cheese von Cheese
 The count is travelling in this coun. try incognito
 If il were my country he couldn't travel in cage.
 I'm wise to those guys with the Gorgon2ola title all wrapped up in tis.
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11
Eou Grades the Ciernu-

Bishop Potter, at an ecclesiastical dinner in New York, read q Coopers- town schoolboy's essay on Clergy men" The essay, which created much amusement, was as follows:
 There are kinds of clergymen Bishups recters and curats. the bish- ups tells the recters to work and the curats have to do it. A curat is thin married man but when he is recter he gets fuller and can preach longer sermons and becums good an."- Washington Star.
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11

sue paper and oEly eight dollars in their jeans.
 Count Cheese von Cheese was in- trodueed to me by Uncle Peter as plain Herr Bun~;tarter. and then uncle whispered he next to the real truth about the incognito gag.
 Uncle Peter certainly does make both ends meet in the lemon industry.
 He is the original onion collector, and he spends his waking moments falling fer dead ones
 was on to Count Cheese von Cheese the moment he opened lis talk trap.
 That milf is over here to pick out an heiress and fall in love with her because he needs the money
 Every steamer brings them over Bunch, some incognito, some in dress suits and some in hoe signo vinces, but all of them able to pick out q lady with bank account at 50 paces.
 It's getting so now, Bunch, that an open-faee, winding American has to kick four dukes. eight earls, seven counts, and a couple of princes off the front steps every time he goes to call on his sweetheart-if she has money.
 When l go down into Wall street, Bunch. l find rich men with tears streaming down their faces while they are calling up on the telephone to see if their daughter Gladys. is still safe at home, where they left her before they came down to business.
 Walk through peachy palace of the rich on Fifth avenue, and what will you find?
 Answer: You will find proud moth- CT bowed with great grief, and hold ing on to rope which Is tied to her daughters ankle to prevent the lat ter from running out on the front piazza and throwing kisses at the titled foreigners.
 You will find these cheap skates every where, Bunch, rushing hither and thither, and sniffing the air for the odor of burning money. Why should it be thus, Bunch?
 We have laws in this country to protect the birds and the trees, the
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11

Dispatches which would make your blood curdle with anguish and sorrow for the rich are flying all over the country.
 Something like this:
 Boston. To-day: At 10:S0 this morning Rudolph Oscar Grabbitall, the millionaire stone-breaker, read the startling news that foreign count had just landed in New York. His suffering was pathetic His daughter, Gasolene Panatella, who will inherit $l9,000000, mostly in bonds, stocks and newspaper talk. was ill the dental parlor five blocks away from home when the blow fell. Calling his house. hold about him, MT Grabbitall rushed into the dental parlor, beat the dent ist down with his bill, dragged Gaso- lene Panatella home and locked her up in the rear cupboard of the spare room on the second floor of his man sion Her teeth suffered somewhat, but. thank heaven. her money will re- main in this country. The commit nifty breathes easier, but all the in- coming trains are being watched
 Are you wise, Bunch. to what the pan-handling nobility of Europe are doing in our dear United States?
 They are putting all our million aires on the fritz, that's what they're doing.
 It will soon come to pass that the heiress will have to be locked up in the safe deposit vaults with papa's bank book.
 Here is an item from one of our most prominent newspapers. Read it, Bunch, and then rush out and take a running kick at the first nObleman you see:
 Long Island City, Now.-Pinchem
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11
EthcrQram

Language grows apace with the victories of applied science Con sider for moment how many words fin the ordinary worka-day voeabu' lary were unknown quarter of a century ago and gre the natural prod uct Of discovery and invention. With the perfection of wireless transmits sion of intelligence there obviously came need of word designating q message conveyed by the new method, ''Ethergram' has been suggested and. in fact, is being used in Great Britain If not, why not?
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11
No Automobiles There.

"There are no automobiles on the golden streets of heaven" says the Whitsett Courier, but they're giv- ing lots of folks a chance to walk those golden streets. One of the eontraptions arrived in town last week and during the first spin the owner took in it it pitched q blind mule on top of the town nall, with the man that was ridin' the mule. The mule was so mad it kicked the town clock 10 pieces, likewise kickin' a hole in the roof an fallin on the mayor, just as he had took his seat an called council to order. Having landed in the midst of them, the mule walked slow and dignitied 10 the front door an then took to the waoda.'
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11
Catarrh Cannot Be Cured

with LOCAL APPLICATIONS, as they cannot reach the seat of the disease Catarrh is blood consti- ttona disease and in order to it you must take internal remedies Halls Catarrh Cure is taken in ternay. and acts directly upon tine blood and mucous surfaces. Halls Catarrt Cure is not quack medi- cine 1t prescribed by Of the best physicians in this country for years and is regular prescription It is composed Of the best tonics known combined with the best blood purifiers acting directly on the mucous surfaces The perfect combination of the two ingredients is what produces such wonderful re suits in curing catarrh Send for testimonials, free.
 r. J. CHENEY & CO.,. Props, Toledo O..
 Sold by Druggists, price 75c
 T4ke Halls Family Pills for constipation.
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11
chiuoers and Mosouitoes

Are now in their glory-their busi- ness is good and they are happy. There is no earthly use of your let ting them chew on you, however, if you don't like their ways. A little Hunts Lightning Oil applied to ex- posed parts will keep them off, and immediately relieve the irritation caused by their bites. Rub a little on and see for yourself.
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11
Would Be Cheaper.

A church appointed committee to get subscriptions for a chime of bells. They had seen nearly all the congre- gation.
 When they went to see rather poor member they told him they would like small amount toward it. He promised to give as much as he could but he said: Don't you think It would be cheaper to put a whistle in? 2"
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11
Never Disappoints.

Many extensively advertised rem edies are failures when put to the test. Hunts Lightning Oil is an ex- ception. Confidence ill it is never misplaced-disappointment never fol- lows it's use. It is certainly the great est emergency remedy now obtainable For cuts, burns, sprains, aches and pains l know no equal"
 GEO. E. PADDOCK,
 Doniphan, Mo.
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11

ago l suffered mis- cry with lumbago. E We r y movement was one of pain. Doan's Kidney Pills removed the whole difficulty after only a short time. AL though l do not like 10 have my name used publicly.
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11

1 make an exception in this case, so that other sufferers from kidney trou- 0le may profit by my experience
 Sold by all dealers. 50 cents box. Foster-Milburn Co, Buffalo. N. Y.
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11
TO DRIVE OUT MALARIA
 AND RlfIID LIP THE SNSIEHI.

Take the Old Standard GROVES TAsrEI-kSS CHILL TONIC. You know what you are taking. The formula is plainly printed on every bottle, showing il Is simply Quninc and Iron in q sasteless form, and the eftectual form For grown people and children. 50c.
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11

True happiness renders men kind and sensible; and that happiness is always shared with others.-Montes- quieu.
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11
How Hammer Of Death Struck James.

How Hammer Of Death Struck James.
 The old parish church of Plumstead, which has just been reopened, is prob ably at leas. 1000 years old. The pie turesque churchyard, cherished haunt of the poet Bloomfield during his visits to Shooters Hill, contains a delightfully."- choice Arrangement of epitaphs." One of these, on Master James Darling, aged ten" teaches a .lesson of moderation during the pres ent cherry season to the youth of other places besides Plumstead. Speaking from his tombstone, Master Darling exelaims:
 ''The hammer of Death was give to me For eating the cherries off the tree" "
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11
capudine Cures Indioestion Pains,

Sour stomach and heartburn no matter from what cause. Gives immediate relief. Prescribed by physicians because 1t is pure and effective. Trial bottle 10c Regu- lar size 2oc and 5Oc at all druggists.
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11
Dancer in New York Roads.

There is an average of seven car collisions day on the steam, subway. elevated and surface railways of New York.
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11

The man who pays his debts is true to his trust.
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11

Aliens FOOt-i.a a Powder For swollen sweating fect. Gives instant relief. The original powder Tor the feet. 25c all Druggists.
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11

Pretty teeth are responsible for a gDOd many smiles.
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11

The man who is always talking about himself never says anything that is calculated to benefit his fellow man
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11
On Trial.

A Scotchman stood beside the bed of his dying wife, and n fearful ae- cents asked was there anything he could de for her.
 Yes, Sandie.' she said; I'm hop ing you.H bary ne in Craeburn kirk yard
 "But. ny lass, he cried, "only think of the awful expense, Would ye no be comfortable here in Abet- deem"
 sNo. sandie; I'd no rest in my graYe unless were buried in Crae- burn
 "It's too much you're askin," said the loving husband, and cannot promise ye ony such thing.
 Then, Sandie, I'll no give you ony peace until my bones are at rest in my native parish"
 "Ah, weel, Maggie said he. 'Ill just gie ye a three-month trial in Aberdeen. an sec how ye get along."
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11
THREE CURES OF ECZEMA.
Suffering-Two Babies Also Cured -Cuticura Invaluable.

My brother had eczema three diff
 ferent summers. Eacn summer it came out between his shoulders and down his back, and he said his suffering was terrible. When it came on the third summer, he bought box of Cutiema Ointment and gave it faith ful trial. Soon he began to feel better and he cured himself entirely of ec- zema with Cuucura A lady in h. diana heard of how my daughter, Mrs. Miller, had cured her little son of terrible eczema by the Cuticura Remedies This lady's little one had the eczema so badly that they thought they would lose it She used Cuti- cura Remedies and they cured her child entirely. and the disease never came back, Mrs. Sarah F. Lusk, Cold water, Mich, Aug 15 and Sept. ?, 1907.'
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11
A Broken Guarantee
Your Druggist Win Tell You

That Murine Eye Remedy Cures Eyes, Makes Weak Eyes Strong. Doesn't Smart. Soothes Eye Pain and Sells for 50c.
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11
A TEXAS CLERGYMAN
Speaks Out for the Benefit Of suterinq
 Thousands.

Rev. G. NJ. Gray, Baptist Clergyman, Sf Whitesboro, Tex, says: -Four years
The Green Forest tribune., 1908-09-11
Takes Hold and Lifts Up.

Sarsaparilla It lifts you up-keeps you well, and makes the old world look cheerful"
 
 A Broken Guarantee. 'I never guaranteed the horse not to balk. l merely said that he would stand anywhere"
 .But he won't. When lie balks he lies down."
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-08

great hayrack that had four wheels
under il and two big horses hitched to
II. Now we're of to the Clouds cried
Uncle Thomas cracking a whip and CALI
Ing out to the horses to "step lively"
But this is only the hayrack" ex-
claimed Tommy Turtle. And we're going
straight toward the bayfield,
"Ah. but We can play it's an airship.
can't WEI" asked Uncle Thomas gaily.
cracking the whip SO loudly that the big
horses sprang into ever and ever so
brisk a trot.
"Oh. yes. it'll be lots and lots of fun to
play it's an airship," declared Tommy.
And the bayfield, is is"
Uncle Thomas. "Ah, now we're in the
clouds! And the jolly big uncle waved
his whip round toward the tall grass that
was as yet uncut. And now we're pass
through the heavens." And again ne
waved his whip. this time toward three
big new haystacks.
'Gee-whiz, They're big stars aren't
they. Uncle Thomas?" cried Tommy. now
having the best time you could imagine.
way!' And Tommy pointed a chubby
finger toward newly cut swath of hay.
''Ha, ha, ha." And Uncle Thomas de-
clared that Tommy Turtle was the clev-
crest little Buster Tom alive" which
doubtless he was. And pretty soon Tom
my Turtle had to get off the hayrack to
allow the men to load it with hay. And
as soon as that was done Uncle Thomas
and climbed up beside him. and together
they went to a new haystack which was
being built and Tommy Turtle declared
it was Mars. "Oh, it's jolly fun riding
In an airship with you. Uncle Thomas"
he cried. Then they went home to din
ner and Tommy told his mamma all about
his ride to the moon and stars, and what
a fine fellow his uncle was.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-08
~ OMMY Turtle had been ill for

~ OMMY Turtle had been ill for a
long, long time. When 1 say "a
L long. long time, I mean as Tommy
thought Indeed, Tommy had been Ill
Just two days. Now, one day OF illness
was a long time for Tommy and two days
meant long, long time.
But now Tommy Turtle was we'll again.
(He had not been sick enough to call the
doctor, but had to be very careful ABOUT
what he ate. His sickness had come
from eating a little green melon that
had made an awful fuss in his stomach)
And so Tommy Turtle was well again,
and his mamma told him he could go
out and play in the big. shady yard
But you must not go near to the melon
patch" cautioned mamma, "for you might
get into trouble again if you did
But where shall l go?" asked Tommy
Turtle, a bit peevish from having been
i'll so very, very long. II don't have
any fun in the yard. And don't like
chasing about with Rover" Grover was
the big dog, and Tommy Turtles play
mate)
Just as Tommy Turtle said this in came
his Uncle Thomas. CTommy was named
for his uncle, and therefore had good
deal Of influence over him, although
Tommy was just six and the uncle was
twenty-sx.)
''Ah. 1 tell you what we'll do" cried
big Uncle Thomas. well take you out
in an airship and visit the clouds! All
ha: How'd that suit you. Buster Tom?"
Bully! Uncle Thomas" declared Tom
my Turtle. And then he ran and got his
hat and sandals. His head and feet had
both been bare when big Uncle Thomas
proposed going airship journey.
But a respectable boy. so thought Tommy
Turtle. would never go up in an airship