Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1908-02-13
nOD[lN IMPROVEMENTS IN WHY'S

"Oh. l don't Know The Bachelor
Girl tilted her chin thoughtfully.
.ReadyInade children are usually much
better brought up thar homemade ones
and not half SO likely to be spoiled.
The old fashioned idea that every IA
NOUS man owed his greatness to his
mother has long since been disproved
by the fact that half our rich and no
never knew a mother n slept in q
soap box n sold papers for an edu-
cation. Besides" she added complac-
emily. there never was a son yet who
wouldn't shake off the influence Of the
hand that rocked the cradle the min
ute he grew up and saw the hand with
the rosalined nails and the dimpled
knuckles reckoning to him. Anyway.
nowadays q woman needs both hands,
free to keep her hold on her husband.".
And vet I've noticed, remarked the
Mere Man. that very few Of the mod,
ern sirens have the hold on a man that.
the old fashioned cook and cradle rock;
er had. When q man has a farm and
have any time or inclination to go seek,
ing an affinity. BY the time he had,
stacked the hay and put up the horses
and earned enough money to buy bread
for IL mouths and shoes for Il pairs
of feet he was only too glad 10 get
home and sit beside the fire and smoke,
his pipe. It's the modern artiiciality Of,
life. h selfrocking cradles and self
working calculators and selfplayingI
pianos. the limited families. the auto,
things too easy for us and leave SO
much time on our hands that Satan,
finds work for them to do. This run.
ming u home or n business Office by
pushing a button Is unnatural and UNI
healthy. 1t gives om time for bar
gain hunting and men time for pleas
. ire hunting and all Of us time for
trouble hunting. A chap didn't worry
about not having a soul mate in the,
old days, II he had n mate who could
make good pies and start q fire with
out burning down the house. And a
i woman didn't sigh for an affinity. when
she was busy all day long tying up
gore fingers and patching small trous-
ers ana watching to see that the bis
cults dfdn'tb burn. The modern improve
ments on matrimony are, like most pat
ents. of no real value to anybody but,
the inventor; and ready made wives.
are. like all things ready made. apt to
be loose jointed and weak in the moral
seams and snowy on the outside. but,
not at all comfortable or useful"
who wants to be useful?" scoffed
the Bachelor Girl. with q toss OF her
| tousled curl'. head. The latest model.
in wives Is beautiful and fascinating.
She came into fashion with electric
broughams and touring cars. and like
them. her mission is to amuse mi en-
terrain you and make FOUR friends en-
And keep you busy" i%nterpolated
the Mere Man. managing her and
making repairs. and spending your,
money and getting out OF scrapes."
And to make life seem like a picnic,
or q century run down hill" continued,
the Bachelor Girl.
with a bump at the bottom!" fln-
ished the Mere Man with a sigh.
when will men know what they
want?" exclaimed the Bachelor Girl
/ hn~o1onc1rr ssVKyhnr A1a,, lol a. -.
monplace wives in curl-papers and
cooking aprons, they sighed for an in =
tellectual companion who could UNDER
stand them; and when women took to
going to college. and forming literary
clubs. n fighting for a vote. and
wearing boomers. they raised their
hands in horror and began to wall for
the dear feminine creatures In ruffies.
and curls; and now that we've learned,
how to combine ruffies and curls with
intellectually n cooking-now that
we're a little of everything
You aren't much of anything!',
broke In the Mere Man desperately.
You're makeshift mothers and Make
shift beauties and makeshift politi-
clans. Give me a good old-fashioned
wife,
i've offered you one several times,,'
declared h Bachelor Girl.
What"
ri introduced you to Polly Reynolds"
A0ssAH A' AAS
hat?" demanded h Mere Man con-
temptuously.
"She can make lovely wafles," pro-
tested the Bachelor Girl.
"She Sticks back her hair,' grumbled
the Mere Man.
She's a queen in the Kitchen" de-,
clared the Bachelor Girl.
"And the color Of a lemon"
but l thought you wanted"-
you know perfectly well what I
want" said the Mere Man. rising with,
dignity.
The Bachelor Girl twisted her
brushes thoughtfully, with her head on
one side.
'Tf you mean ME. Mr.. Porter" she
announced after a pause, I've frankly
told you. that l don't know a turnip
from a parsnip. nor lamb from beef
before they're cooked
And I've frankly told you that I
don't care"
And I buy all my frocks ready
sThey don't look IT,"
"And I'd use bachelors buttons and
q self-rocking chair-and'-
"Td gladly spend the money for 'em."
and I've got all the modern linz
provements."
But you've got curly hair" rejoined
In your chin, and curves in your ell
bows. and-you're a Clrce and a Ma
donna and a subtle siren and q Delilah
and a Gretchen and'-
"Oh. be CAREFUL" cried the Bachelor
Girl in CONSERVATION. as she half closed
gerous creature!"
And she laughed softly as she heard
the Mere Man clumping disgustedly
down the studio stairs.
In 1906 the United States produced
1 DC 100 fla clSo nf nasfOhof0x,oV V,ol,.A1 -