The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-09-14

grapper a8alnst an electrlc outtoh " the fear of getting hot bullet in my bread basket prevented me. (Buiiets are bad for my indiges sion-) So ar ter referring the matter to the com mittee on Ways and Means, of which l was temporary chairman. ] decided to give myself hush money instead. the ten cent novels. but when it comes to the rub, the average man had ra ther people would say "yonder ne goes" than ::don't he look .naturair down on the floor with the dog on top of him summoned nerve to open the door. throw the gun to my shoulder and fire through the open wtndow--of course merely to frighten his nibs not to harm the poor creature who might have dear mother-in-law and nine small children at home. to say noth Ing of loving wife, to hit hsm over the head with rolling pin when ho came home drunk
 Well. as I say. pulled the trigger and-hred the cannon.
 sunering Moses--hfty-seven differ ent varieties of glorious Fourths rolled into one couldn't have made more noise or disturbed my refined and and qs,et Isndr, sou, like that report; Committee to appropriate a billion dol lars to set out shade trees in Washing ton wasn't nothing to it
 The blamed thing kicked my shoui-
 The bold. bad burglar yelled say ing he was hit.
 The dog holiered and climbed up the kitchen range. The parrot broke forth Its dam fine mornin'--don't get angry Richard Don't get angry Rich ard" Chats me. you know.1 never felt so much like wringinE that beastly birds neck.
 Around and around again. Willie went the burglar with the dog and parrot each trying to out do the other With renewed courage, seeing the bad man had lost his and become as docile as a kitten. chased him. round coat @ % tSiis. s as could so do noshing @ sut sSs yell and run hke--well, you know of Presidential dream. but was as persistent as W. J. R
 At last I caught him and we went down together. Fortunately he diin | feelings IT he had
 How we clawed and scratchedi Oh If Marie could have seen me then ment and depended on teeth and fin.
 over and over we rolled while he. work in my neck and I returned the compliment by biting little forget me nots in hts left ear:
 E5Hnallly we paused vd for breath breath. ,,b me" said lucky though very youth. enquire if this Is ME: Richard Alex; can't be--I-I-er-I,
 Co easy there, Mir. Whats your name says I. indignant that he should have the nerve to address himself thus | ly to me.
 Explain what you mean by enter. | ing gentleman's house through his kitchen window when his wife is out of town. You. you--BURGLAR, you" l 'I am no burglar s-slr," says he vecy l indignant like and grunting again fer | his left ear was bleeding, land if you will have the goodness to turn on the light and let ne explain to you car prove my identity.
 T will do as you say, says I with be no underhand work; so don't you You broke in my house at midnight I and the natural inference is that you are a burglar. Whats the matter haven't you joined the union yet?" l was getting sarcastic at the fellows
 There was no answer. only low chuckle.
 This exasperated me. but cautious. | ly switched on the lights,
 What confronted me was about sev- en feet of burly college . w with bag | gy cum trousers. what had a few hours before been college cap, pea green
 Now, old chap. if you hadn't been so nasty in firing the Krupp gun and frightening, mommer's boy out of his your your dear Marjie's little brother Hsr- | old, whom she sent down to keep you | company as a surprise
 u,.S Shake; ak AarOid; %S,, Sld ,..d boy? am am all right. all right" says |.
 You, are going to. ask why I came through the kitchen window in such route that society. has decreed. viz: the front door? Well. l banged my knuckles sore trying to make you strike, so I thought 1t would be kind through the rear window"
 Then the dear boy smiled on me, and as he had Marjie's eyes and dimples my heart instantly went out to him.
 Oh. horrors! what if I had killed
 Stopping down on the floor I picked mp four front teeth. his right eye. and his left ear. and restored them to
 aT0S Ssieve Te PGuss Rhis is sO9r Tproperty says. apologetically.
 "Yes. I believe they are." he re- however. I am center rush on the football team you know at the Var
 "Weil come into the living room and we'll try and make up over bottle of wine (heFe Harold's eyes sparkled perceptibly). but Mum's the word | extra dry-four dollars per-
 This made a terrific hit with liar
 "A little cold lobster salad on the
 Raw raw. raw. raw. raw. raw Richard Alexander--raw. raw. raw" yelled the angel child as he executed l a two step on my mahogany table.
 caught him by the good ear and led him to the bath room where he took a plunge and with the aid of a towel and some soap was once mors his mommer goodbye the day before,
 Going into the living room opened the conversation water. got out the | salad from the dining room and we had feast fit for the gods
 I never saw such a healthy appetite as that college youth possessed; He Matrices brother so 1t didn't matter | Finally, when the sky grew pink in the East we shook hands and said Goodnight. Harold crying on my neck like a school girl
 Then we turned in. I to dream of hehtinz bold bad burglars by stick ing them with college frat pins. be. cause they wore monogram caps and said their lessons on a kitchen range Harold to dream of the pretty Fern