davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24
Hopeless Case.

Evangelist Torrey, who prides him
self upon the number of his converts,
met one hardened sinner in Chicago
whom he failed to convert. The min
lister had been preaching to a tent full
of people. He had described the vices
of the rich, and had pointed Biblical
analogies at their Injuries. One man
In the back of the tent had seemed
to be much interested. He leaned
forward to catch every word. Tor
rey, taking the interest to mean
approaching conversion, redoubled his
efforts. THE road to hell is lined
with vintage, wine, beautiful women
and fine automobiles" he exclaimed.
With a sigh as of relief, the man in
the back of the tent arose. "Oh,
death, where is thy sting?" he said.
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24
Pressed Witness Too Far.

The famous Beau Hickman Of
Washington was once a witness in a
pending case, and, having testified
in the course of his examination in
chief that the client Of the attorney
on the other side was without funds,
was being sharply cross-examined by
that barrister. Hickman averred that
the client had himself told him of
his penniless state. The lawyer in.
sisted that the exact language be re-
peated. Hickman hesitated, but when
pressed under thxeat of contempt pro
ceedings, he finally said: We'll, sir,
if l must answer, he told me this
morning that he had no money"
We'll, sir, what language did he use?"
why, l asked him to loan me half
a dollar and he said he couldn't, for
you had robbed him of every cent
of his money, and if he didn't get out
of your clutches very soon his chill
dren would starve." By the time the
laughter had subsidized and the lawyer
had time to collect his thoughts the
cast was decided against him.
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24
Thought She Was sliqhted.

The daughter of a well known rep
resentative on her tenth birthday had
a party at her home in Washington,
and one of the guests was the daugh-
ter of a senator. The birthday cake
shone glorious with ten candles. A
few weeks later the senator's daugh-
ter reached her eighth milestone, and
a party was in order. Just before the
guests arrived the small celebrant be-
took herself to the dining room to take
4 look at the festal board. High on
its pedestal of crystal stood the birth
day cake and circling its snowy cir
conference were eight tiny candles,
one for each year. "One, two, three,
four, five, six, seven, eight" ejaculat-
ed the small hostess. Mamma, man.
ma, please come here quick. They've
only put eight candles on my birthday
cake and my fathers a senator! Now
Mary - had ten candles on her
birthday cake and she's only the
daughter of a congressman"
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24
REMINDED HIM OF HOME.
New Yorker Saw Beauty in Sign,
Where Maiden Lady Could Not.

A part- of tourists was being shown
around Ciudad Juarez, the little Next
can town just across the Rio Grande
frors Ell Paso, Texas. Every one was
delighted with it's picturesqueness.
and in particular a maiden lady, who
went into raptures about each new
sight.
1T is all so quaint" she said. These
adobe houses, the old church, the mar
row streets, the little plaza, those
dreadful-looking men wearing SOM
breros; everything breathes the spir-
it of an old-world civilization. 1t is
SO different from our United States"
That's So" assented a New York
man who had been listening. For
instance, where in all the world could
you find anything SO antique, SO full
Of inherent beauty, so charged, as it
were, with the essence of pure joy, as
that sign over there" He pointed
toward a whitewashed mud house on
whose exterior was painted:
BIGGEST BEER IN TOWN, Sc"
The woman eagerly turned to look.
Then she froze the horrid man with
a glance and did not speak to him
again during the whole trip.
Went Him a Few Better.
A very dapper looking young mn
entered a Chicago hotel a few days
ago, followed by a middle-aged man
who seemed to be just a little care
less concerning his personal appear.
arce. The affable clerk offered a
pen to the carefully dressed young
gentleman, who registered himself as
William Henry Tyler III" When he
had stepped aside the other man
reached for the pen and under Mr..
Tyler's name wrote: John Smith
MCDCCCLXLIX."
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24
NO BLESSING FOR HER.
disappointed Younestcr Disseminated
in His Prayer.

For several weeks, little Ralph had
enjoyed the use of a Shetland pony,
the property of a horse dealer who
was a friend of the family. But much
to Ralph's sorrow, there came a day
recently when the pony was sold, and
the delightful horseback rides came
to a sudden end. The purchaser, as
Ralph found out by inquiry, was a
little girl Of about his own mature
age Of five. Ever since his a~cquaint-
ance with the pony began. Ralph had
included him in his bedtime prayer,
and God bless the pony" was an
earnest nightly petition. The first
evening after the sale of the pony,
Ralph hesitated when he reached his
pets place in the prayer. Then, after
a moments thought, he continued:
please, God, bless the pony just
the same; but, God, don't you bless
the little girl what's got the pony"
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24
Novel Trio.

do you like ensemble music?" the
city girl asked young Nathan Hobbs
Of Willowby, who was trying to enter
tain her 'at the church social" Ma
than looked bewildered.
Il mean do you enjoy hearing sew
eral instruments played together?'
asked his new acquaintance, taking
condescending pity on his ignorance.
Il guess l do" said Nathan, bright
ening at once, and speaking with en-
thusiasm. "Sy, you just wait till you
hear Eta Willis on the organ with Ed
Holmes playing the ~harmonica and
Sadie James the triangle. It's great"
Youths Companion.
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24
Truth and
Quality

appeal to the Well Informed in every
walk of life and are essential to permanent
success and crcditable standing. Accor-
ingly, it is not claimed that Syrup of Figs
and Elixir Of SIENNA is the only remedy Of
known value, but one of many reasons
why it is the best Of personal and family
laxatives is the fact that it cleanses,
swcetens and relieves the internal organs
on which it acts without any facilitating
after effects and without having to increase
the quantity from time to time.
1t acts pleasantly and naturally and
truly as a laxative, and its component
parts are known to and approved by
physicians, as it is free from all objection
able substances. To get it's beneficial
effects always purchase the genuine
manufactured by the California Fig Syrup
Co., only, and for sale by all leading drug
gists.
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24
TO CURE A COUGH OR COLD.
Doctors Prescription Checks an Acute
Cold in a Day and Cures
Chronic Coughs.

The following formula is a never
failing remedy for coughs or colds:
Two ounces of glycerine, one-half
ounce of Concentrated Oil of pine,
one half pint of good whisky, mix and
shake thoroughly each time and use
in doses of a teaspoonful to a table
spoonful every four hours.
This, if followed up, will cure any
cough that is durable or break up
an acute cold in "a hours. The in
gradients all can be gotten at any
drug store.
Concentrated oil of pine comes put
up for medicinal uses only in half ounce
walls sealed in tin screw top cases de-
signed to protect it from heat and
light. Other oils of pine are insoluble
and are likely to produce nausea and
cannot give the desired results.
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24
Frank If Not Complimentary.

Her brother, aged II, had been made
captain of a high school football team
and consequently had become sudden
ly popular with the girls in the neigh
borhood. Because of this the man.
ager of a skating rink presented BROTH
er with a season pass. Sister, who
had attained the tremendous age Of
20, was truly fiattered when brother
asked her, rather than some of the
younger bellies of his acquaintance, to
share the privileges of that skating
rink pass. But brothers explanation
removed all danger of the immediate
growth of sisters vanity. "You see,"
he told her with frank simplicity, I'm
not used to skating with girls. I'll
practice on you for a month or two,
and then when l can do it real well
I'll ask some of the other girls"
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24
BEYOND LIMIT OF PATIENCE.
Explanation Satisfied Policeman That
Punishment Was Due.

Policeman Kneirem, Of the Tender
loin precinct, saw an old man beating
a small boy on Seventh avenue re-
Gently in a fashion that reminded the
officer of the happy days when he used
to beat it from the parental beating.
So with a cheerful smile, having chill
dren of his own, the. policeman ap-
preached the old man.
Listen" replied the man; "half an
hour ago / sent Isaac to the delicates-
sen. / gave him two quarters, one
with which to buy bread, the other
to buy fish. And now he comes back
and says he wants to know which
quarter is for the fish and which for
the bread. Is it enough?"
1T u.s." replied Kneirem.-New York
World.
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24
Merely a Plain Statement.

The principal was called before the
school board. Professor Mentor"
said the president, Miss Squirming
complains that she was g%rievously in
suited by MI. Dennis, who visited her
class last Friday. What do you know
about it," LAS you are aware, gen.
tlemen," explained the principal, "Mr.
Dennis is a poor man and the father
of a very bad boy. This boy receives
deserved punishment daily. Mr.. Den
mis- simply told Miss Squirming that
he couldn't afford to have her veal
out his sons pants. 1t was a poor
Interpretation of a just protest"
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24
WAS JUST WHAT HE WANTED.
Lawyers Unusual Brevity Appealed
to Secretary Taft.

One of the ablest legal officers OF
the government is Paul Charlton, law
officer of the insular bureau of the
war department. Mr.. Charlton was
practicing law in Omaha and came
east on a trip. Secretary Taft in
,vited him to Washington and offered
him the position he now holds. I'M
mediately after he assumed the Of
flee an important question was pre-
scented to Mr.. Charlton with a re-
quest from the bureau submitting it
for instructions how to proceed. Mr..
Charlton answered the question briefly
and in a few sentences more gave the
necessary instructions.
The bureau sent back Mr.. Charlton's
communication with a suggestion that
his predecessor wrote lengthy opin-
ions and they thought he should do
likewise. Mr.. Charlton went to the
chief of the bureau.
Isn't your question answered." he
asked.
20, yes, perfectly"
Aren't the instructions explicit?'
yes, indeed" a the response.
They are plain, indeed"
Then what need is there for a
lengthy opinion?"
20, we'll, We have been accustomed
to long opinions and we can't break
the habit"
Mr. Charlton looked disguised. The
incident was repeated to Secretary
Taft.a
Blessed is the lawyer" he OBJ
served, who can answer a difficult
legal question and give instructions
all on one page"
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24
GROWING TOO FAST
UNCLE SAM CANNOT HOUSE ALL
OF HIS FAMILY.
Large Item in National Expense Ac-
count Is for Rent Of Buildings for
the Various Departments
of State.

There Is n item of our national
expense account which is as aston.
ishing as the growth which is respon.
sible for it. 1t is the amount that
Uncle Sam pays annually in rent.
The government is like a boy who
outgrows his clothes so fast that his
trousers are half way to his knees, his
sleeves only to his elbows, his neck
towering above his collar. Every de.
pa,tment of the national government
has outgrown the buildings provided
for its housing.
This year the estimates included
| $370.123.66 for rent. The figures in.
crease from year to year. Before
very long Uncle Sam will be paying a
cool half million dollars annually for
rented buildings in Washington alone
not counting the rents which must be
paid all over the country.
The state department is the only
one of the nine great branches of the
administration which seems to have
enough room for it's actual work. II
has only a single rent item-S720 q
year for stables.
AS practically all the department.
have a corresponding item it remains
for some congressman, looking 70,
novelty, to propose a bill for erecting
a general stable. The president tried
in vain to have the old White House
stables replaced by new, SO Uncle
| Cnn, too a hoxD - wolf ~
The treasury department has SC
overflowed the fine old granite build
ing next to the White House that il
has to rent six other buildings, OF
groups of offices in buildings. Its
rent bill is $34,SS6 a year, and would
be higher if the government did not
own some additional outside quarters
occupied by treasury officials.
The war department, which shares
with the state and navy the huge
building beyond the White House
could almost make use of the entire
structure for its own purposes. 1t is
driven to the renting of a dozen out
side places at an annual cost OF
$17,72O.
The navy department has the fine
new Mills building across the way
from the government building. Fol-
this and other outside quarters il
pays a rental of $24, 500 this year.
The department of the interior has
to pay the highest rent, amounting tc
$62,440. This is accounted for by
the fact that the civil service commits
sion has to be housed by this depart
ment. So have the bureau of educa
ton, the patent office, with it's thou
sands of models and its millions o.
documents, the land office and severa
other big government enterprises.
The post office department pays
$5O,14S.96 this year, for rent in Wash
ington alone. Of course, it's rem
roll for the whole country is a very
different and very much more impos
ing figure.
The department of agriculture pay
$50,14S.96 in Washington rent, though
this figure will be greatly reduced
when it's huge white marble buildins
is completed. The agricultural de
partment has boiled so hard for the
past few years that it has run ovel
into a dozen outside bureaus, each as
busy and full as a beehive.
Other departments are in the same
condition, and the expense to the gov
eminent, it will be seen, is enormous
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24
Rina Watches Popular.

Swiss watchmakers are reported to
be busy filling English and American
orders for finger ring watches. The
ring watch, though little seen, is no
novelty. The manager of an old Lon
don matchmaking firm says that he
saw them more than IA years ago.
Queen Victoria had three or four.
The simplest ones-a plain gold ring
with the watch inserted-cost about
500, but with diamonds or other
stones, $4,000 to $4,000 may be paid.
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24
Ii Makes Trade.

Homer Folks, New York's noted au-
thority IN charity, said the other day
of an applicant for help:
His recommendation was not very
satisfactory. 1t reminded me of q
woman heard about recently.
Somebody said to this woman's
husband:
$50 you've insured in the Blank
company, Ell? Who on earth in
duced you to choose that of all con-
cerns?'
"'My wife, was the reply. she
says they issue the pretttiest calen.
dars.'"
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24
Mistake Enriched Artist.

There is a young artist il Washing
ton who classes himself as of the Inn
p~ressionistic school, and who, being
somewhat out in drawing, generally
makes up for his lack Of technique by
spreading color recklessly and count
ing on distance for his effect. At an
amateur exhibition he once hung one
of his most extraordinary perform
ances. WELL" said a friend, whom
the artist had taken to see the work,
Il don't want to fatter you, old chap,
but that is far and away the best stun
you have eve done. l congratulate
you" Much pleased, the artist was re-
ce.ving the compliment with becoming
modesty, when he Glanced again to
glance at the picture-and turned very
red. The committee had hung 1t ur-
side down! Hurrying to the head OF
the committee, he was about to launch
into a loud complaint when he was In.
formed of the good news that an hour
before the picture had been sold for
SCI. The original price mark had been
SO.
-
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24
BANISHED
Coffee Finally Had to Go.

The way some persons cling to cot
fee even after they know it is doing
them harm, is a puzzler. But it is ar
easy matter to give it up for good
when Postum Food Coffee is properly
made and used instead.
A girl writes: Mother had beer
suffering with nervous headaches fol-
sever weary years, but kept drinking
coffee.
Zone day I asked her why she did
anot give up coffee as a cousin of mine
#had done who had taken to Postum
a But Mother vas such a slave to coffee
she thought it would be terrible to
give it up.
Finally, n day, she made the
change to Postum, and quickly her
headaches disappeared. One morning
while she was drinking Postum SO
freely and with such relish / asked for
a taste.
THAT started me on Postum and
now drink it more freely than I did
coffee, which never comes into our
house now.
"a girl friend of mine, one day, saw
me drinking Postum and asked if it
was coffee. / told her it was Postum
and gave her some to take home, but
forgot to tell her how to make it.
THE next day she said she did not
see how / could drink Postum. found
she had made it like ordinary coffee.
60 T told hor how n vnalya ~ r;cl<
and gave her a cupful / made, after
boiling it fifteen minutes. She said
she v drank any coffee that tasted
as good, and now coffee is banished
from both our homes" Name given
by Postum Co., Battle Creek, Michigan.
Read the little book "The Road to
Wellville" in rkgs. There's a Reason"
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24
Rather EquivocaI.

Uncle Morton, ar aged negro, who
had been a slave in the days before
the civil war, was a retainer in the
household of an Atlanta family. He
was something of a philosopher, and
a good deal of a diplomat. One day
the mattresses, two young mulattos,
were chatting him.
Uncle Notion" one of them said,
"who do you like best, Belle or me?"
The ~gray-headed negro looked first
at n then at the other, and said with
a tone of indecision:
ut am too tedious to say"
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24

First Cowboy (lost on the prairie)-
Great I%njuns! VIII we w find our
way out of this? Where do you
s'pose we are, anyhow?
Second Cowboy (desperatetly)-pm
afraid we're still miles away from any
human habitation. l see a stake here,
and a sign Lots for Sale."-N. Y.
Weekly.
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24
Catarrh Caunot Be Cured

with LOCAL APPLICATIONS, as they cannot reach
the seat Of the disease. Catarrh fs a blood or consti.
tutional disease, and in order to cure It you must take
internal remedies. Halls Catarrh Cure Is taken In.
ternally, and acts directly on the blood and mucous
surfaces. Halls Catarrh Cure fs not q Quack medi.
cine. 1t was prescribed by one Of the best physicians
In this country for years and Is q regular prescription.
II is composed OF the best tonics known, combined
with the best blood purifiers, acting directly on the
mucous surfaces. The perfect combination Of the
two ingredients is what produces such wonderful re.
suits In curing catarrh. send for testimoniale. free
Ed. CHENEY & CO., Props, Toledo. q.
Sold by Druggists, price 75c.
Take Halls Family Pills for constipation.
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24
The Hard Loser

Goodart-Brewder was telling me to-
day about his hard luck last spring.
He certainly did lose a great opportu.
nifty.
Wise-Yes, and think of what he's
lost since.
Goodart-Why, what's that?
Wise - Valuable time talking
about it.
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24
In Luck.

In Luck.
Dennis-Hinnisy is the luckiest
divil that liver walked.
Patrick-How's that?
Dennis-Faith, an he promised to
pay me the five dollars he borrowed
next week-an' he up an died yester.
day.-Smith's Magazine.
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24
Writers and EMPLOYERS.

Bernard Shaw remarked recently:
Milton took s5 $500 for Paradise
Lost because he could not get any
more. should ask $4,000 for the
same quantity of ~pen-and-ink work be.
canse l need not take any less. The
employer to-day is emphatically a
man who, like Milton and myself, has
to take what he ca get"
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24
At Last.

Mrs. Viewed (excitedly-O, Henry!
I've just discovered why your poems
are always returned by this maya
zine!
Mr.. Viewed Ca near-poet)-Indeed?
Mrs. Newed-Yes, indeed! Why.
here's the answer in plain print: mo
contributions will be returned unless
stamps are furnished" and you, you
old goose, always send the stamps!
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24

aH- NNH
and heavy lifting
weakened my kid
e y / was tired
every morning and
my limbs stiff and
sore. Dizzy spells
and headaches were
frequent, and the
kidney secretions
m u c h ~disordered.
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24

This continued for fifteen years and
until / began using Doan's Kidney
Pills. Then | improved steadily until
cured, and naturally. ! recommend
them strongly"
Sold by all dealers, so cents a box.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24

FITS, st. Vitus Dance and all Nervous
Diseases permanently cured by DR.. kline's
Great Nerve Restorer. Send for Free $500
trial bottle and treatise. DR.. r. II. Kline,
Id, 93l Arch St. Philadelphia. Pa.
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24

If you had the abilities of all the
great men, past and present, you
could do nothing we'll without sim
cerely meaning it, and setting about
it.-Dickens.
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24
DANCER for The Witches,

Said the sour old witch:
Things have cache UGH a pitch
That I dare not go broomstick riding:
For these airmobiles
With gas bags and wheels
With my broomstick are ever colliding.'
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24
II You Suffer from Asthma

or Bronchitis get immediate relief by
using Browns Bronchial Troches.
Contain no harmful drugs.
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24
Overheard in Rome.

American Giri-"Let's go to the Capt.
toline museum and see the wolf that
nursed Romeo and Juliet."-Lippin-
colts.
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24
stork Left Heavy Baby.

A 16-pound baby was born to Mr..
and Mrs. John Reichenbach Of Brook
line, Pa. 1t is the third largest baby
ever born in Pennsylvania.
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24

A suggestion for 1908: Take Garfield Tea
to establish and maintain a normal action
of the digestive organs, to purify the blood
cleanse the system and to bring Good
Health.
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24

Happiness lies In the consciousness
We have of it, and by no means in
the way the future keeps its promises.
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24
Just the Trouble.

Editor-Did you get out Of that
magistrate an answer to the charge
that he sends far too few cases to
court?
Reporter-No, sir. He was non
cOmmittal.
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24

Bring to bear upon myself the reso-
luton Of a noble mind; thou mayest
be what thou resolvest to be.-Men,
cius.
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24

PILES CURED IN 6 TO IL DAYS.
PAZC is guaranteed to cure any case
Of Itching, Blind. Bleeding or ProtrudinR Piles in
5tO IA days or money refunded. soc.
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24
push creduIity Too Far.

Some men are 80 mean that when
they tell the truth about themselves
nobody believes them. Somervillc
Journal.
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24

Taylor's Cherokee Remedy of Sweet
Gum and Mullen is Natures great rem
edy-Cures Coughs, Colds, Group and Con-
sumption, and all throat and lung troubles.
At druggists, 25c, SOC and 800 per bottle.
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24

The Pe-ru-na Almanac in 100000
Homes.
The Peruna Lucky Day Almanac has
become a fixture in over eight million
homes. 1t can be obtained from all
druggists free. Be ure to inquire early.
The 1908 Almanac is already published,
and the supply will soon be exhausted.
Do not put it off. Speak for one today.
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24

1ON"F w
Above is sufficient seed to grow 80 Blu.
of rarest vegetables and thousands of bril-
liant flowers and all is mailed to you
POSTPAID FOR lie,
or if you send Ice, we will add a package
of Berliner Earliest Caulitlower. John A..
Salzer Seed Co, La Crosse, Wis. K. & w.
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24

Every addition to true knowledge is
IN addition to human power.-Mann.
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24
WORK a K KIDNEYS.
The Experience Of Mi. Woods Is the
Experience of Thousands OF Others.

Bernard p. Woods of Jackson street,
Homecoming, Nd, SAYS: Hard work
The Tupelo journal., 1908-01-24

Cheerfulness Is an offshoot o
goodness and wisdom.-Bovee.