davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-23
AND SHE, TOO.

Two men had sat side by side in the
street car fora mile or more without
speaking, when one suddenly turned to
the other and remarked:
TITS funny, isn't it?'
..Yes, very funny" replied the other,
though he didn't know whether it was
or not.
There was an interval of five min
utes, and then the first n continued:
81 wouldn't have believed it,"
"Nor I either was the reply, though
he didn't know what he wouldn't have
believed.
st am referring to the panic, you
know" ,a9ss
Eyes,
"When the panic came l had $50, 900
stock in q Texas oil well. Might have
been an oil we'll or a dry hole in the
ground. Anyway, I had the stock. In
twenty days it wasn't worth a red.
See?"
81 see."
az knew a widow worth $4,000 plunks.
The proper thing to do was to marry
her and recoup my loss, wasn't it?"
"Eminently proper, sir"
at courted her. I proposed. We got
married. / suggested that she turn
over her wealth to me, and She"
"She refused" ss Gl
mo. sir. She turned 1t over. ut. was
$50, 900 worth of stock in another Texas
oil WE'LL See! Funny. isn't it,"
JOE KERR.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-23
The Gag.

HENRY E. DIXEY. at a dinner in
A. New York, talked about gagging
about the ability, reasonably common
among actors, of introducing i'm
promptu jokes into a part.
Nearly all of us can gag" said Mr..
Dixey. Usually. though, the gagging is
of a selfish nature. I'll explain to you
what ! mean.
"Once. at the beginning of my career,
I played the part of a footn1an. I wore
in this part q very broad white collar, a
kind Of Elton collar. Well, the leading
man told me n night that with my
help he would introduce n gag.
".All right said 1. What is the gag
to be?'
"'You know how said the leading
man, in the third act, I write a letter
| while you stand beside me and wait to
carry it to your mistress? Well. after
the letter is finished, I'll reach over to
you In an absent way and wipe my pen
on your white collar. OF course it will
make a large black stain, but you will
sect will bring down the .house.'
IT laughed harshly.
Capital | said. And I'll finish the
! thing off with a little gag of my own
AS soon as YOU have wiped the pen or
my nice collar, I'll wheel round and
knock you down, OF course it will hurt
you a little, but you'll see-it will be the
hit of the show"
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-23

In the present national campaign hi speeches and other uterances of the
principal actors form a literature that the people are bound to read. No two
candidates for President in recent years not even Mr.. Blaine, com
manded the language and range o. thought of William II. Tft n William j.
Bryan. Both are extraordinary men, pure in character, high in motive, emil
nenty patriotic and intensely energetic in action Mr. Tafs activities in public
life ire provcrbaL Mr.. Bryans energy in campaign work has never been
ration, and il Mr.. Taft possesses the greater executive talent, Mr. Bryan has
a superior initiative. Both men stand somewhat apart from their political or
gsnizations, ant the nominations OF both candidates were Enthusiastically popular
oas. In their speeches there is 10 wasted language, 10 flowers Of rhetoric
10 strainng for effect. Every speech is nctve cearcut an like the play of
te rapier; it is a masterpiece. The presidential campaign Of 1908 will Ions be
remembered for it unsurpassed o9auy.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-23
CONTENT.


Never but once" tho Persian poet said
(sadi the poet, strong Of heart and
head.
Never but nee did I lament forlorp
My cruel lot, and then twas on a morn
When, bare OF foot, I wanderd with
my muse, -
And sighed, Alas! how shall I buy mo
shoes?'
10! ere the lmurmur died upon ma
I saw 4 shadowSsfs4 my paths young :.
And meaere man. who, In the opeh
street.,
Lay crippled sorely, lacking both his
feet;
Yet only crooned a little cheerful song,
And begged a trifle from the hurryine
throng.
Kind heaven!' I cried whilst on my
naked toes
I leapt about till blood and spirits
rose);
Forgive the selfish heart which only
And, purblind, pities its own missries.
Want may be bitter, but content -
sweet,na .rA.ffsyo euaq+- in,
For what are, shoes to him who hath no
feet2'," .,qH.es .4tah 4
--Eleanor c. Donneny. "The Secret q
the Statue"
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-23
IsHoP POTTER was a wonder

d. fully effective preacher" said a
Brooklyn clergyman. His method was
reserved and quiet. He always had
| himself we'll I'm hand.
II once delivered a sermon before
him. I was young and enthusiastic al
the time, a disciple of the methods of
Talmage. I let myself go in that SER
mon. Ny voice shook the church. My
gestures shook the pulpit.
AT luncheon, afterward, I am
ashamed to say that ] fshed for COM
pliments. I leaned over the bishop
and asked him in a low voice to give
me some advice on preaching.
Dear knows what l expected him to
reply-probably that I was beyond any
advice from him. At any rate, what
he did reply was this:
"'My dear young friend. new mis-
take, in the pulpit, persplratlon for in
spiration.'"
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-23
The Wise Hen.

EMfL BoAs, before he sailed Tor
IL Hamburg to dssume the director
generalship of the Hamburg American
line. was asked by a reporter to ;cll
what changes and improvements In the
great he proposed to make.
"I have nothing to say" said Mr-
Boas. II desire to emulate the hen,
The hen in one respect is wise. She
doesn't cackle much until h has lad
her egg. But some people are always
Dragging and cackling about what they
are going to do beforehand"
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-23
A REAL OCEAN BOULEVARD OR NONE.

II It shall be planned to surrender the public rights to squatter sovereignty
At Ocean Grove in the matter Of building an ocean boulevard and to run the
boulevard around Ocean Grove. a mile away from the ocean, the boulevard
project viii not be carried u at h expense OF the State. If there is IS the
Ocean Grove corporation ehims, sanctty in the soil of ocean Grove; If the Ark
OF he Tabernacle is kept there to be inWolate by public eyes, the State gov
,rnmcnt has no right to IA official acknowledgement and obesance. The
coast of New Jersey should be free to h people of the State, who have In
herted II. No private interest Of N kind, he it secular or religious, should be
permitted to deny to h people the right to traverse their W coast. The
hubble highway takes precedence of everything. TO make a highway the State
has the power of eminent domain to take the necessary land Selfish private
the obstruction at Ocean Grove to a public highway is n different from any
other kind IF obstruction, and the State has 10 right to make IN discrimination
A boulevard along the coast appeals to the public imagination, but it must be
q coast boulevard, ant nothing else.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-23

In lot a few assembly districts in thu State the candidates dominates yes
terday stand pledged to vote for a local option bill, and the Crosby bill of last
session, which was, in fat a prohibition measure, will be reintroduced. The
Senate. IL Republican, will be disposed to favor the enactment of this BILL and
also a bin for a state excise commission o strip the municipalities of all real
control Of excise matters South Jersey candidates or thu Legislature generally
favor local option, I'M candidates in Bergen, Morris, Somerset n. several other
North Jersey ountes are likewise committed, and, If elected, are expected to
vote for the Crosby bill The opposition will pc mainly by the representatives Of
the populous counties, wheret The liberal sentiment It's strong. But an election is
to be held in November before the complexion of thu next Legislature al be
determined. whether it will have a local option majority and a majority Tor a
state excise commission, M also whether the legislature will De Republican or
Democratic. II the latter. hen the Crosby bill and a State excise commission
bill will be relegated to the legislative waste-basket.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-23
Change of Heart.

nRESIDENT ELIOT of Harvard said
4 the other day that it was not +
that the colleges were the hotbeds of
socialism in America. He said that
socialism could not come until man
changed utterly-until he changed from
a selfish to an unselfsh being.
President Eliot illustrated the pres
ent disposition of man with a brief
story.
IAN ardent socialist he said. lived
in a country village. He did no work;
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-23
7HE PERIL OF THE r DRoUoHT.

A grave situation exists in large sections oft the country in the prevafingl
drought that has dried ID the waters sources n created a genuine water
famine. Rivers have fallen considerably interfering with navigation; municipal
water suprlcs are depleted, wells are dry and vegetation is parhed. Tho forest
fires that have devastated vast tracts of woodland arc primarily due to this
done to dairy AM agricultural interests, and if the drought continues without
abatenen The general situation will &c desperate Omr city is blessed with al
prolific somce oil water supply, so We have 10 need for apprehension OIL that
score. but some alarm "a be felt fort the droughtstrcken sections whore the
conditions are becoming desperate
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-23
For the Prolific.

CARDINAL LOGUE, during his visit
~ to P~ocantico Hills, was asked how
many rmon a preacher could prepare
in "a week.
Smiling, Cardinal Logue answered:
'If the preacher is a man of eXtraor-
binary ability, he can prepare one ser
mon; il a man of average ability, Two;
If a blockhead, ten or twelve
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-23

anecdotes of Well Knoun Men


he had no money. All his time seemed
to be passed in the general store,
preaching rabid socialism and borrow
ing tobacco.
Suddenly this nan disappeared
Nothing was seen of him for ten years
Then, one day. he turned UP again in
his old haunts.
"'Well, Jabez.' said the storekeeper
you're still a socialist, / suppose"
"Not on your life Jabez answered
warmly. L got q cow now"
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-23

have the trousers impressed, the boots
unpublished.
1--WE used to have here in Dubuque
a decidedly slovenly lawyer. This law
yer appeared one afternoon at a meet
ing with a rose in his bu~ttonhole. The
sight of a rose in the %buttonnole OF
such a sloven excited a good deal of
comment.
~ wonder where or earth he got
it?'" said |.
Senator Allison smiled.
Probably said he. 1T grew there. >
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-23
SATAN ~ACCLIMATED.

On a very hot Sunday morning
James was required to accompany his
father to church.
That was contrary to his inclination.
Father" said he. why need people
go to church when 1t Is so hot"'
MY son." his father replied. Satan
is around as much in hot weather as
at any time"
j. oh said the boy. ''but Satan
e ISN'T mind hot weatheri"-
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-23
GOOD GUESS.

B~ronson-You were passing around
the cigars yesterday? -
woodson-Yes; new baby at my
house.
Bronson-But IL wasn't your first
baby:
woodson-No; my fourth. But how
did you know?
Rronson-I smoked one of the cigars.
Brooklyn Eagle.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-23
MAYOR HAUSsL mo AOMIAA TED.

As was expected Mayor Haussnng has been rnomnaed by his party. and
VIII &c int the election campaign oil the strength of hfsf first administration
in their municipal affairs Newark votersa are additionally inclined to De indie
PENDENT Of party. Mayor Haynes and Mayor Seymour we're retained in Office for
repeated terms because they attended to business and performed their duties
conscicntiouIy. In tie election campaign 10Y opened the official record of
Mayer IauesHng Will b. looked a in III IN critical way, and he will De
judged at tho polls accordingly.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-23
81 2wMtsome Mood
IRISH ECONOMY.

~"Begorra," said Patsy. "oi coGldn't
pay me five shillin's foine, and Oi had
to go to Jail for six days"
AN how much did yez spend to get
drunk" asked Mike rather sarcastic
ally.
"Oh, bout five shillin's."
"Yez fool, If yez had not spent yez
five shillin's for drink yez'd "a had yer
five shillin's to pay yer foine wid."-
Everybody's Magazine. ,
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-23
GREATEST OF THE GREAT.

She cat the piano)-Who, in your
estimation, is the greatest living conf
poser?
Hell can't recall his name just now,
but he manufactures a popular prano
of soothing syrup.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-23
A Reflection.

xITHE late Senator Allison salu
a Dubuque lawyer. was a
stietler for personal cleanliness. ever
for personal elegance. There was no
quicker way for a man to get on his
black books than to be unshaven, to
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-23

murderers who have II o other possible defense for their crimes that IL juies
generally are impressed by the pca it will De necessary o erect a large and
expensive State asylum for the special care of the alleged homiddal insane. AS
every acquftal of this. character is IN incentive to new murders, there will be a
constant and increasing procession of man-shyers from thu courts to the asylum.
But the insanity plea has been overworked with trial uries. if not Will the
judges. A recent case in this State. in which jury of mn contcmptuously
dismissed the testimony of several theonzng ahemsts and pronounced h muir
deer sane, vas evidence of a decided reaction against the practise of cheating
Justice by Tho use of hired expert testimony.
The smanness o. tin Republican primary vote in Essex county. as COM
pared with III primary vote in 1905 is worthy of study as to its causes and pos
dhe meaning. Why in a contest of suhg great interest did so man party
voterss stay away from the polls? The falling off is most noticeable in the wards
Of Newark. Is here here a straw to show the end of the sentmen ta is to
materaize at the polls n November?
The shrkvaty nominations o the two parties in Essex insure a sharp
struggle. with the excise question as the on tissue The alignment of voters in
this election frs herinw will break u p party formation to an unprecedented ex
emit and will go ar In its effect upon she other county and city capdidacies
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-23
MOST LIKELY.

THAT beautifully dressed woman Is
certainly the homeliest woman ever
saw" .
"She probably is a beauty Specialist.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-23
ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS

mology and optometry X-ray work. It
will be preceded by a thorough physical
examination.-Ed,1
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-23

- p OF long ago I heard a woman say to her daughter, ae Vessf
when conpaays here, but I'd like, just once. to have some OF
y friends see you when you're your " self A more disasreaoe
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-09-23

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER %, 1908.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1908-04-08
/ WOMAN TELLS HOW TO RE.
LIEVE RHEUMATIC PAINS

1 have been very great sufferer
from the dreadful disease, rheuma-
tism, for a Number of years. have
tried many medicines but never got
much relief from any of them until
two years ago, when I bought bot
tie of thaaberlain's Pain~-Balm.9 I
found relief before 1 had used all of
one bott1e;,-but kept on applying it
and soon felt like a different woman.
Through my advice many of my
friends have tried it and can tell you
how wonderfully it has worked.-Mrs.
Sarah A. Cole, 140 S. New ST, Dover,
Del. Chamberlain's Pain Balm is a
liniment. The relief from pain which
it affords is alone worth many times
its cost. 1t makes rest and sleep pos
sible. For sale by all druggists.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1908-04-08
FOR THE LEGISLATURE

II respectfully submit my name to
the voters of Marion county as a can
didate for the legislature, subject to
the democratic primary of May 10Th.
i have no platform to formulate or
pledges to make, but submit my claim
on citizenship of rs years in Marion
county. IL elected, will perform my
duty to the best of my ability and for
the best interests Of the county Of
Marion and state of Florida
G.. L. Bittinger.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1908-04-08
FOR TAX COLLECTOR

To the Democratic Voters of Marion
County: 1 announce myself as a cam
d,date for reelection to the office of
state and county tax collector, abiding
the action of the democratic primary
OF May 10. next. If elected l promise
to give my best services in a cour
teous manner Gas 1 have in the past)
TO the business administration Of the
affairs Of the office. E. l.. Carney.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1908-04-08
FOR COUNTY JUDGE

To the Democratic Electors of Ma
iion County, Florida: Believing that
my record In the administration of the
duties of the above office has met with
the approval and will receive the en-
dorsement of the democratic electors
of Marion county, / announce that
am candidate for reelection as
county Judge, and respectfully solicit
your support in the coming primary.
Respectfully, Joseph Bell.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1908-04-08
FOR coUNTY'TREAsURER

To the Democratic Voters of Marion
County, Florida: I hereby announce
myself a candidate for nomination and
rc-eiection as Treasurer of Marion
County, and respectfully ask and will
especially appreciate your considera-
ton and support for same. Should
/ be SO favored by your vote 1 shall
In future as in the past, devote my
best efforts to the faithful discharge
OF the duties and responsibilities
which this office imposes.
Very truly, Thos. E. Pasteur.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1908-04-08

To the Democratic Voters Of Marion
County: / hereby announce that I
will be candidate for the office Of
sheriff OF Marion county, in the com
fng democratic primary Of 1908, and
respectfully solicit the support of the
people Of Marion county. If / am
elected to this office ! pledge an hon
est and impartial administration Of
the duties of said office.
Respectfully,
John p. Galloway.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1908-04-08
CLERK OF THE CIRCUIT COURT

To the Democratic Voters Of Marion
County: 1, hereby announce myself, a
Candidate for reelection to the office
of clerk of the circuit court of Marion
county, Florida, to be voted for at the
primaries May 10th, 1908. Should you
continue me in the office it will be my
aim to discharge the duties of the
same as the law directs, as have en-
deavored to do in the past.
n. Respectfully, S. T. Sistrunk.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1908-04-08

coming democratic primary election Of
every one interested in the advance
ment Of our educational interest.
I should be glad to meet every voter
before the election and discuss school
matters with him, and if fail to do
so it will be because my active school
work renders it impossible. / will see
and know you after the election.
Respectfully yours,
J. H. Crimson.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1908-04-08
FOR COUNTY COMMISSIONER

hereby announce that I will be a
candidate for the office Of commits
sioner for the first commissioners
district of Marion county, and if
elected, promise to perform my du-
ties to the best Of nay ability.
Respectfully, George MacKay.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1908-04-08
BOARD OF PUBLIC INSTRUCTION

/ respectfully submit my name for
reelection as a member of the Board
oil Public Instruction of Marion coun-
ty, subject to the votes of the demo-
cratic primary May 10Th, for district
No. I. Respectfully,
Isaac Stevens.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1908-04-08
FOR TAX ASSESSOR

Thanking the people Of Marion
county for past favors and hoping that
/ have merited your further support,
respectfully announce myself a cam
didate for reelection to the assessors
office. Alfred Aver
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1908-04-08

I am a candidate for the office of
representative to represent Marion
county in the house of representatives
subject to the democratic primary Of
May 18th, and ask the support Of the
voters Of the county.
Respectfully, VIM. Griffith. M. D.
Dunnellon, Fla
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1908-04-08

/ hereby announce myself q candi-
date for the office Of sheriff of Marion
county, Florida, subject to the coming
democratic primary AND promise if
elected, an honest and impartial ad-
Elinistration Of said office.
J. L. SmOak.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1908-04-08
ANNOUNCEMENTS
FOR SHERIFF

/ am a candidate for sheriff of Ma
riOn county subject to the ratification
Of the democratic primary, which will
be held May 18th, 1908. Your votes
are earnestly solicited. and if | am
elected | will perform the duties Of the
office faithfully.
Very respectfully yours,
John l.. Edwards Z
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1908-04-08

I hereby announce myself a candi-
date for county commissioner for the
second district and respectfully solicit
the support Of the democratic voters
ar the coming primary.
Respectfully, L. D. Beck.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1908-04-08

To the Democratic Voters of Ma
rion County: 1 hereby announce my
self a candidate for the office Of
county commissioner from the third
district and will appreciate any sup
port that 1 may receive in the COM
ing primary, May the 10th.
A. D. Mitchell.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1908-04-08
SUPERINTENDENT OF
PUBLIC INSTRUCTION

I hereby announce my candidacy for
the above named office. I shall sim
cerety appreciate the support at the
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1908-04-08

To the Voters of Marion County:
At the request of a number of citi-
Gems Of Marion county, have decided
to make the race for representative,
and solicit the support Of the voters
in the primaries May 10th, 1908.
a W. w. d. earn.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1908-04-08

OF Marion county, subject TO the rules
and regulation prescribed for the
democratic primaries. / respectfully
solicit the hearty support of the dem
ocradc voters Of Marion
G.. Y Miller.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1908-04-08
SUPERVISOR OF REGISTRATION

I hereby announce myself candi-
date for the office Of supervisor of
registration, subject to the primary Of
May 10th, 1908, and will appreciate
the support of my fellow citizens.
j. L. Beck.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1908-04-08

Electric smoothing irons. the finest
thing ever invented for the home. Ev-
cry woman should have one in the
house. Call and Sc them at Tucker
& Mathews electrical store.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1908-04-08

Heavy Wire, Close Mesh, Pig
Tight
Top and Bottom Bars No. 20
galvanized wire, intermediate bars
No. I galvanized wire, Stays No.
I2 galvanized wire, IL inches
apart.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1908-02-27
A DANGEROUS OPERATION

is the removal of the appendix by
surgeon. No one who takes
DR.. Kings New Life Pills Is ever
subjected to this frightful ordeal.
They work SC quietly you don t
feel them. They cure constipa-
tion, headache, billousness, and
malaria. 25c. at Trout's drug
store.