davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-06-06
ADRlFT WITH THE TIMES
A rAvoR1rr THEME.

A FAvORITE THEME.
I'm always wanting something out Of
| reach,
guess / never will be satisfied
Contented folk to me no lessons teach
Who pirate about the foolishness of
pride.
just can't help from wishing that I had
The luxurles some other chaps pos
sess
Who seem to walk in ways unduly glad,
Removed from lifes turmoil and strict
duress.
Philosophy does well enough I grant,
But oftentimes it fails to hit the spot,
When one aspires to do the things ne
can't
And pines in vain to change his lowly
lot.
Now. don't put on supereiious air
And say Tut tut" or Fade away"
to me;
Although tbs true I'm very far from there,
On Easy street is where I'd like to be.
WHERE REFORM BEGINS.
my purpose is the uplift of humanity
said the reformer with tremendous air.
"Why don't you start By trying to sup
port your wife and children in decent
style?" asked a Woodworking citizen.
POOR LITTLE PUP.
The weathers warm,
IT'S now a fad
To rise and say,
THE dog is mad
SUPERIORITY.
Mrs. Snubly doesn't speak to the
Smiths any more.
NO She has an oriental room in her
house now"
THE CRITIC.
However much he may find fault
And prove the wrong in me,
His hateful way of doing 1t
Won't make me better be.
MIGHT DO WORSE.
did old man Peaseley's boy set the
woods on fire when he started out to get
rlch?"
mot eggzactly, but he's dom purity
well. He's affirm of a locomotive over in
Gawgy."
UP-TO-DATE GIRL.
Clara Bell has winning ways
Lots of style and go.
Can't help smiling when she says
"Surest thing you known
WILLING TO OBLIGE.
= please, sir, will you give me a lift?
asked the insinuating beggar
II would with pleasure, my friend, II
didn't have a sore toe" said the affable
citizen.
SMALL CROWD.
us there anybody in the house?' asked
the manager of stock.
"There was until the orchestra went
out to get a drink"
SURMISING.
While far from scientific, |
Can't help from thinking
That half the snakes we mortals spy
Are due to drinking.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-06-06

Aquamania is Wall streets chronic
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-06-06

Tri-County Weekly: The Birmingham
Baseball club maintains its present place
in the Southern league well. 1t has not
dropped" for the past three weeks.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-06-06
MIGHT DO WORSE

MIGHT DO WORSE.
Did old man Peaseley's boy set the
woods on fire when he started out to get
rich?"
Not eggzactly, but he's dom purity
we'll. He's affirm of locomotive over IN
Gawgy."
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-06-06
THE CRITIC.

THE CRITIC.
However much he may find fault
And prove the wrong in me,
His hateful way of doing 1t
Won't make me better be.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-06-06

An exquisite poem has recently been
composed by an Alabama poet. The first
line reads, 81 have received a great many
lemons"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-06-06
ON THE BOARDS.

He is a man of parts, I hear
YES small parts at ten, twenty and
thirty cents"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-06-06
WILLING TO OBLIGE.

| WILLING TO OBLIGE.
= please, sir, will you give me lift?'
asked the insnuatng beggar.
II would with pleasure, my friend, Il
l didn't have a sore toe" said the affable
! citizen.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-06-06

The fact that policemen are beginning
to arrest stray airships is pretty good
evidence that the problem of aerial nav
igation will soon be solved.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-06-06

on rosebuds. Nevertheless, the Texas
poets prefer the time-honored plan of try
ing to choke with porterhouse steaks and
barred Plymouth Rock pulets.-Houston
Post.
This latter, however, comes nearer being
a time-honored dream than time honored
PLAN The esteemed G. Bailey may get
away with a large bale of his dope on
Texas, but when he rings in porterhouse
s; eak-and- barred Plymouth Rock pullet-
fed poets, we feel the time has come to
sidestep.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-06-06
RIPPLES.

Two well known crooks who have led
detectives merry chase propose to write
a book For a title we suggest Lives of
the Hunted"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-06-06
AGE-HERALD ECHOES

Milwaukee Sentinel Governor johnson
wouldn't take the prize at a beauty show
carps the Birmingham Age-Herald. Well
that function at Denver won't be beauty
show by long shot.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-06-06
FREQUENT TRIPS.

DO you go in much for literature?"
i've been in six times to get copy of
The Seasons and haven't found it yet"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-06-06
VACATION TIP.

irty cents.
VACATION TIP.
Whence err you roam
In pastures free.
Beware the bull
Beware the bee.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-06-06

The Commoner: 1.-The gap between
Aidrich and Vreeland is something more
than alphabetical" says The Birmingham
Age-Herald. Yes but it is plenty big
enough for the people to fall into.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-06-06
SUPERIORITY.

Mrs. Snubly doesn't speak to the
! Smiths any more
mo. She has an oriental room in her
/ house now"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-06-06

Oftentimes a bank cashier goes for
years without displaying much agility and
then skps out of the country.
PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-06-06

Andalusa News: I'm an old fool. -
Senator Tom c. Platt. There's not one
dissenting vote.-Blrmingham Age-Herald.
The News moves as an amendment the
word d=n be inserted before old fool.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-06-06

Savannah Press: From the fuss Blr-
mingham makes over the Illinois Central
getting into that town, one would think
it was Birmngham's first railroad
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-06-06

Houston Post: The Birmingham Age
Herald predicts that women will insist
upon getting off airships backward. If
they do they will be up in the air much
less than they are now.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-06-06

Jackson News: ''The preachers in Bir-
mingham are after the Merry Widows,
says The Age-Herad. We can recall sew
eral instances of preachers getting In
trouble and losing their jobs by monkey
ing with widows.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-06-06

Washington Post; Noting that child
choked to death on a rosebud. The Bir-
mingham Age-Herald suggests that that
would be good way for poets to COM
undoubtedly prefer to choke to death on
a porterhouse steak.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-06-06

Nashville Tennessean: Poet Paul Cook
of The Birmingham Herald, thinks poets
would find death delightful by choking
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-06-06

Chattanooga Times: Birmingham Age
Herald: West Virginia follows in the
footsteps of Texas, and pretty soon it will
all be over but the shouting.
That's the pity of 1t; there isn't going
to be any shouting
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-06-06

Atlanta Journal: In Birmingham the
boom in the pig iron market~will be
regarded as the forerunner of the boom
in the good old iron dollar market.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-06-06

Chattanooga Times: The Birmingham
Age-Herald has discovered that bottles
of ginger ale in dry towns are sometimes
filed with fluids of strange but potent
composition. In fact we find on inyesti-
cation that almost everything in dry
towns is under suspicion.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1908-06-06

Entered at the Birmingham Ala,
postoffice as second-class matter uhoei
act of Congress March 3, 1873.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-07-01
DON'T GET CRANKY AT THE
LONG-SUFFERING WAITRESS
How Would You Like to Work a Whole Year at Nerve-Tryine JOl
Without a Vacation? Asks Ada Lynn.
BY ADA LYNN.

- T was almost o'clock, and there "a jut enough of a ll in the business
of the hustnng title restaurant to permit the mattresses % stand and
II talk before he work of cleaning began.
Gee" exclaimed N girl angry, Il asked him when we could W. or
vacations, n he say sto me-" why don't yu get married n stop worrym'
about vacauons?' And I turned right around and said. yes, and come back
vindicuve pull o a lock which would lot ty put" pushed Ter belt down
to h most approved curve, n glrd at a customer wo looked Is though
he INTENDED to approach her table. He changed his mind, evidently.
Just then the manager doomed in sight n each of the maids began pick
things from Ter mind.
Few people, 1 imagine, ever shp to think anything about the restaurant
girls who serve them, Unless they do not serve them WELL
They have their problems just as well as you n l. and bitter problems
they are sometimes. When a girl works hard for fifty weeks in the year,
serving various articles of food to various kinds Of customers, she is more han
apt to regard the other two weeks of vacation as the biggest event her life could
odd, nc when h possibilities of getting this greatly desired respite from
Dishes "ham-and' and pok n beans are dimmedi it is n o wonder that she be-
comes decidedly pessimisuc.
day is hot oil your head aches or yu 10 not know what you var to eat just
give a thought or W OTTO the paent individual Tho stands at yu left, waiting
to give you h best attention H. can and doing hr best to hide her W mead
aches ant dissatisfaction with things in general
You. can make her. forget her little woes " JUST little consideration and
you Will gMn just so much in making the effort
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-07-01
Meagre Provision for Filling National Ticket
Vacancy tn EUent of Death Of a Candidate

chosen him and before the count by
Congress, or after the Congressional
count, and before his inauguration.
Would Congress in that case count
the votes for the dead man, as he
was living when they were cast by
the electors, and declare the result,
leaving the elected Vice-President
to take the presidential office by
right of succession when the 4th of
March arrives? The law does not
make this clear, but leaves room for
a good deal of dispute.
If the Observation-Disclosures as well
as the President-elect should die
before Inauguration day the sue
cession is left in an ven more du-
bious state. On the 4th of March
there would be no one elected by
the people capable of qualifying.
There would be a vacancy In the
Office of President and Vice-Presi-
dent, In which case the law says
the Secretary of State shall sue
coed. But in the case supposed the
Secretary of State necessarily would
be the hold-over from the previous
administration and perhaps of n
other party. Probably Congress
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-07-01

never contemplated any such sue
cession, but it has left the law in
such imperfect position that no other
construction seems permissible. The
? succession law does not say how
long the acting President shall
serve. 1t does say he shall sum-
mon Congress in special session at
once, but prescribes no special
duties for Congress at that session.
The old law directed the acting
President to issue at once a procla-
nation for a special election of
presidential electors, but that is re-
pealed and nothing put in it's
place.
The death of both President and
Vice-President-elect before they are
sworn into office is a contingency
that might happen, but Congress
has found difficulties in dealing
with 1t satisfactorily and has let it
go, says a writer in the Philadel-
phia Press. 1t is a fertile theme
for questions when an illness or
death directs the general thought
in that direction and ought to be
made the subject of stable and re-
liable legislation.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-07-01
SIGNS OF SUMMER.
When the honey bees am buzzin'

When the honey bees am buzzin'
In the apple blossoms sweet,
And little chickens by the dozen
Am a-runnin' round your feet;
When the breezes am a-hummin',
When the sap am upward runnin',
You may know that summers comm.
With It's flowers and It's heat.
When the trout am hungry, bitin'
In the creek down in the wood;
When the crows am Gavin, fightin'
Each other bout their food;
When you once begin to potter
Cause the sun am gittin' hotter,
Then o know the summers got her
Self goin' sure, for good.
When the flies, the bugs, and shelters
Hain't a-losin' none their fame,
And the hired man runs the heater
Till you a to say a name;
When you find you nerve is goin'
Cause the garden needs a hoein',
You well know for all your blowin'
That summers jes' the same.
-Leslie's Weekly.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-07-01
II SCApEGOAT.

Umpire, in the games beginning
Seven strikes were pitched that inning;
Balls" thou called them; thine the
SHINING;
On thy head the guilt.
Umpire, how couldst thou have beck
oned
Ballyhooly in from second?
Safe he was, and i'll thou reckoned;
On thy head the guilt.
Umpire, Flimf1im fumbled badly;
M~uffengrabbit played but sadly,
But we witnesses cried madly,
"On thy head the guilt"
Umpire, though our pitcher tossed
Though our catcher lodged and lost
them,
Thy sins were the mes which cost
them;
On thy head the guilt.
Umpire, though our hits were scattered,
Though our ield-defense was shattered,
Little had these details mattered;
On thy head the guilt.
Umpire, each cause hath its martyr,
Who can never hope to barter
Merely good. intent for quarter;
On thy head the guilt.
Umpire, though we fay and fiout thee,
Though forever we will doubt thee,
What would baseball be without thee9
On thy head the guilt.
Success.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-07-01

teen having in mind the law of sue
cession voted for Gratz Brown for
President, he having been the candi-
date of their party for Vice-Presi-
dent. The rest of the votes were
distributed among a number of
candidates. but as the Republicans
had elected their President the vaga-
ries Of the minority did not matter.
Had the successful candidate then,
or at any other time, died between
the November election and the vote
of electors in December, the major
ity electors would have shown the
same doubt and confusion and prob
ably would have failed to elect a
President.
The electors in such a case would
have it their w way, and If they
did not elect q President the House
of Representatives would perform
that duty under the Constitution.
The matter is not so serious rs
would be the death Of a President
elect after the Electoral College had
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-07-01

HE temporary illness of a can
didate for Vice-President of
the United States called at
tention to the lack of a clearly
understood rule for filling a vacancy
on the ticket should one be created
by death. OF much more impor-
tance is the lack of definite provision
for filling vacancies caused by death
or otherwise after the election.
In the election of 1872 Horace
Greeley and Gratz Brown, the NOM
inees of the Liberal Republican and
Democratic parties. secured eighty
electors, the remaining 286 being for
Grant and Wilson. Greeley died on
November 20, 1872. On the 4th of
December following the electors met
in their States to cast their votes
and the eighty Democratic electors
were all at sea as to whom to vote
for. Seventeen insisted on voting for
Greeley for President, and Congress
subsequently threw their votes out
because cast for a dead man. Eigh-
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-07-01
NEW yoRK,s cLoUD.PLHRcLNd PALACES.

When buildings in New York city attained the height of sixteen stories
people wondered n shook their heads When buildings went to twenty-five
stories ray apprehensions we're expressed, and there was talk of legislation
to top his aerial architecture n make a safe limit But the height of New
York buildings has gradually risen. The City Investing building vent up to
4s feet then the Singer building to ~ feet, followed by the metropolitan Life
with sos feet in 10Y tn Equitable Life is o 81 Vi to 900 feet with xtytwo
stories, only.a few feet lower thar the great Enel tower in Paris. the highest
structure in the world Thhrytwo passenger elevators in the main building
and eight in the tower will take people up and down. This gives a good idea
If the capacity OF the floors To erect this structure he present splendid
eleven-story building OF. the Equitable, which contains 100 Offices, is to be de-
rnoushed. And probably h limit of height is not reached at sixtytwo stories
and 99 feet
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-07-01
THE EXPANDING CLEVELAND MONUMENT IDEA.

Since THE STAR projected the movement for a national memorial to
Grove Cleveland thu idea has been caught Up all owe the country New
York city nd Buffalo cam forward with propositions to erect memorials sin
those cities, and h Buffalo City Council has taken action. Mr.. Cleveland
was Mayor OF Buffalo and a practising lawyer there, and 1t was from n
mayoralty office that he stepped into the governorship of New York State
But there was n o real sentiment in these relations. Buffalo remembers the
Mayor rather tha h man New York city knew Mr.. Cleveland oy a a
temporary resident and as Governor. New Jersey knew Mr.. Cleveland at his
birth and at his death and during the ten closing years of his life 1t is
probable that Congress will provide or a Cleveland memorial at Washington.
but hat will not be a popular one, and it cannot possess h afechonate
Of a monument erected by the contributions of the American people
and IN New Jersey soil
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-07-01
A spEc1AcLn oE LONDON woMANHoon.

To the American min the incidents of h "sufragette" campaign in Eng
land are incomprehensibh. Such a thing a IS the halls of congress being
ceiyabe. impossible. American women are not built that wy. An attempt
by son English women n a few American imtators to start a sufragette
agitation in New York vas treated with erision The women weren not rudey
hustled in the nj IF London. ut he good-natured gbes of spectators n
the contemptuous Indifference Of won generally wet-b lankaed the imitation
movement emectuany. Last night at the House OF Commons in London, was
witnessed a scene that reflected seriously on womanhood in England. In this
ountry HI only parallel vas HI grotesque appearance OF Coxeys Army of
male bummers in Washington, and its prompt disappearance when ordered by
he police to keep off thu grass
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-07-01
THE VOTING MACHINE MUST 40.

Public sentiment in New Jersey is rrevocably set against the voting ma
chine, and the device will be voted u o. every election precinct in the State
where a special election is hed. That fac Is Sc plain thu III wayfarers sees
It.. nd even Secretary of State Dickinson. the high priest OF this lass system
of voting, is compelled to recognize it. The people who have sen or used the
voting machine really need n % arguments to convince them that it should be
aboished They adopt their W conclusions. The voting machine trust cal
its literature as much as it pleases, m Its agents Ia squat at the
ears OF all the editorial writers in the State, and it will have 10 effect upon
a public which has its mind made u I. The voting machine must 60 The
tricks that rave been played with the voting machine to cheat voters who
desired to split their ballots have been exploited. n hey are a good con
mentary on HI charge, originating with h representatives of he trust, that
those who demand the abolition of the machine are political ward workers and
party heeers" That eminent apostle OF reform N clean politics Samuel D
Dickinson, has supreme authority overt the voting machines and las been their
chief promoter. But he hou has STRUCK for h voting machine an when New
ri to vote pom thu question oil their retention the verdict will be of a
character to settle it for he whole State. Pratue about doing away with
the party lever is infantne With or without the party lever hi voting Ia
chine is a utter abominaton, and thu people are going to get rid of it.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-07-01
WEDNESDAY, JULY 1. 1908.
THE DENVER PLATFORM.

What III Denver convention platform will be cannot be guessed from ne
contradictory dispatches in the daily papers. If the influences that have given
Mr. Bryan such a large following among the delegates shall prevail Ito nomi-
mattel him they will probably dictate the platform, DR. rather permit Mr.. Bryan
himself to make It, A radical platform o IN the Ines proposed by some of Mr..
Bryanis extreme advisers would be intended, of course to attract the Socialist
vote In IN last presidential election this voe reached the figure of 4a571,
and 1t is expected to be much larger this year. In 1890 the totals Socialist vote
was 12soO2 showing n increase in four years of more than $50 per cent But
the Socialist vote cannot b attracted by a Democratic platform declaration,
whneo IN the other hand a vast number of Democratic voters would be repealed
by it. The American people are naturally servati IN they turn their
backs on N proposition of a nature to threaten property or disrupt there regular
order of things There will however, be wise n prudent counseorsa at Dem
ver ext week. and reasonw will hold sway If they are listened to-
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-07-01
RURAL MAIL AND RURAL ROADS.

Rural mail delivery is costing the overnme an immense annual ex-
pens City postohhces like those of New York and Newark "a a profit to
IN government while in thu country the mai service is prosecuted at a loss
Indirectly he city avs he cost of the country service. The PotoHce De-
partment has been getting information about the condition of country roads,
and the road officials are o notified that rural mail delivery will lot be con-
tinued on roads that are lot kept in good repair at alt seasons Of the year
epairs must be made this summer, there nus be no recurrence Of the
bad conditions. This notice la already stimulated country road improvement
n it will be of gpat benefit in compelling local officials % properly maintain
their roads for general travel Thus the great power of the Postofce De-
partment N be used with splendid effect for road improvement. throughout
h country.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-07-01
COINCIDENCE.

Yeast-Do you notice any signs of re-
turning confidence?
Crimsonbeak-Oh, yes; my wife let's
me carry a night key now!-Yonkers
Statesman.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-07-01
NEED PUBLICITY.

Church-Do you think bank receivers
get too much?
Gotham-No; not too much publicity!
--Yonkers Statesman.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-07-01
x THE EVENING STARS TWO PAGE MAGAZINE x
In Lightsome Mood
NOT A WISER GENERATION.

BILL see the Hatmaker says that
heads are increasing in size.
Jill-Getting fatter, that's ALL
Yonkers Statesman.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-07-01
TALKING ON AND OFF THE STAGE.

"A monolgue artist on the stage is
usually a man." remarked the Observer
of Events and Things; "in real life 1t is
usually a woman."-Yonkers States
man.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-07-01
WAS SHE RLIND?

P~atience-I can't see anything In
those new sheath gowns.
Patrice-You can't? Well, then you
never saw one, that's al1!-Yonkers
Statesman.