The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-10-28
You would consider it SINAI, nora

Tues.
Great Scott" whispered the ti.:,jo
as he leaned forward in his cl,si:
After the Gas Say lg company wa
OUT l saw ! wHs wasting my time
then originated and promoted the Crea
Sahara Fruit and Vegetable COMPANY
Twenty million acres of land to rr,y
strawberries in summer and sweet PC
tatoes In the fall. The enterprise i
referred to in the press as colossal
Alngs n emperors have written to u
commencing it. We let the Rothschild
IN on the ground floor. and they wer,
t1ckled to death. and yet when ".
came to figure up the dividends the,
didn't go but 1O5. I was so disc1stel
with the thing that l came near drop
ping out of the promoting business.
did think Of turning the p~residenc,
over to you at a salary of $780, 900 =
year, but l know you'd refuse it. II
ism up to a man Of your caliber. You
don't want to fiddle PADDLE with t~ri1es."
Started New Company.
The major opened his mouth and
tried to speak, but words would not
come.
Then l originated the worldwide
lemon sQueezer. Up to that date n
n who wanted to squeeze a lemon
had to call in the hired man or place
1t under a board and stand on it. Hit
ting a lemon with a sledge hammer
wasted part Of the Juice, and some
times 1t lodged the blow, and the cat
or n Of the children was killed.
saw what was needed and invented
the squeezer. Our first order was for
a million. The sultan of Turkey or
dered half a million right off the reel.
Couldn't keep up with our orders and
can't now, but what do you suppos
the dividends are? Just a measly 100
per cent. Rockefeller and Morgan sold
their stock in digust after the first
year. l believe that a few widows and
ministers still call it a fairly good
thing, but think Of f~inanciers like US
being satisfied with such dividends. I
could offer YOU
Yes. yes; you could offer me-
Il could offer you the vice presiden.
cy and a salary Of $15O,OOO a year for
life, but don't want to insult you. |
must look for some cheap skate"
IL might take it!" groaned Tho
Nonsense! You take a cheap thing
IKE that and humiliate yourself to the
earth! l won't be a party to It.
have now finally got a thing worth
looking at-worth investing in. Have
you heard Of the Universal Instructive
Bedstead company?"
"N-no."
Behind tho Times.
You haven't? Why, you are away
oehlnd the times. Thought you kept
better track Of things financial. NV
1ear Sir, you must have heard that
here Is an electric current sweeping
through the earth from north to
Eyes"
And that all human beings should
le with their heads to the north in or
Ter II & they may first receive this
current on the back Of the neck?"
"Yes."
well, there you are. You go to a
lotel n the bedsteads may stand
'ast and west. The landlord doesn't
are a copper for your health. NV
bedstead instinctively turns
tself north and south, no matter where
'laced. Keeps the current flowing
rom head to heel. Hotels have got to
lave 'em or go out of business. We
tart on a capital Of $4,000 and the
owest we car figure the dividends is
10 per cent. Some Of US think they
will reach 500. The principle can be
lpplied to hunks on Pullmans and
board steamers. Baby's crib and
amily lounge have got to head to the
lorth. Will save a million human lives
year and put 10000 drug stores out
t business. l could let you in on the
'round floor and pay you a salary of
quarter Of a million dollars a year as
ecretary, but I won't insult you. You
ave probably got something much
'etter on hand. Ia. ia. major. I must
'e going"
And when the man had departed the
major laid his head on the desk and
vept. He was a failure. and he real
zed 1t. NJ. QUAD.