University Missourian. [volume] (Columbia, Mo.) 1908-1916, 1908-12-22
"DFI1RFN" PAYS GLOWING TRIBUTE TO
THF NAN WITH THE CORN-COB PIPE
Next to a Hog, a Cob Pipe
Is a Farmers Best
Friend.

opinion, Bill saved his character. From
all reports, Bill wasn't cut out for an
education, and if it had been rammed
down him anyway, it might have unit
ted him for breaking on freight and
put him on the road hunting for lob
he didn't want. As it was, Bill was
worth $50 month. Education is all
right if it don't make your hands too
hat he can't bend his back on account
of his head. his education il hurting
him. Education reminds me of these
big circular scenic railways-a, van
get around to about little this side of
the halfway point, you think, by golly,
that you are going around the whole
world-but if You hold your seat and
keep going, you will come around to
the place where you started. You won't
know much more for certain You may
feel little different, but if You feel
so dizzy that you can't work any more
you had better not have taken the trip.
Education is like Il wife, Il good thing
to have in the family but YOU must
not try to make it do all the work.
Schools are pill houses. where every
thing is done up in little wads with
sugar coat on. but You can take medi-
cine without taking pills. Schools
can't give man anything, but a dipIo-
ma, They can offer you an education
and YOU can take it away with YOU if
You have anything to carry it in. Bill
didn't have the vessel. Bill entered at
once the University of Hard Knocks
and his education may never have the
brass shine to it that Charles has. but
if Bill keeps his eyesight good you will
find that Bill will know some things
too. If You miss the train for school
take hand car and you will get there
just the same-it may be little slow
but you will see some things that the
fellow who went on fast mail missed.
The A b C's are still here. Everything
is printed. There is plenty of sunshine
and plenty of oil if you can pay the
price. Charlie went on the first train
and Bill was on the freight
Bills last crime was smoking an old
cob pipe" Here my heart goes out to
Bill again. At $4,000 a month it was
all that Bill could afford. 1 am not
trying to defend tobacco. Tobacco is
bad. My pa always rolled a wad back
under his tongue and told me So. 1
have inherited this distaste for tobacco.
But l can't go back on Bill or his cob
pipe. As 1 say, l don't smoke. but l
keep cob pipe. If l have a pipe 1
know l can smoke if | want to and l
don't have to smoke. That is why |
keep a cob pipe. 1t is not to furnish a
text for preachers or to set bad exam
pie for boys. Next to a hog, cob pipe
is farmers best friend. A man who
smokes cob pipe always has some
thing to look forward to. Not so him
Of the cigar-it has bitter end.
We will all agree then that tobacco
is bad, especially for boys, our boys.
We advise all not to smoke If you
must smoke, Bill had the right instru-
ment, cob pipe, an old cob pipe, for
who wants to smoke new cob pipe?
The real flavor does not arrive until
rob pipe is six weeks old.
So here is to Bill. Bill of the old cob
pipe. who is breaking on a freight,
without whom We farmers couldn't get
'ur stuff to market You, Bill. are
'reaking on freight and we are break
ng on farm. But Charlie. the rail
Dad president, is living easy and sell
lom thinks of Bill
But here's to You, Bill.
The farmers love You still.
DO your duty-and be good to your ma,
your sisters-and stick to
your pa.
Watch the ears, and throw a little wa
ter on the hogs,
lunch up our steers-we don't care
about yo1r tOgs.
We are with YOU, Bill. we like you-
you bet your tin type.
Ind say, Bill, if you don't do any other
harm. smoke-smoke your old cob
pipe. REUBEN.