Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-01
GOES THIS Way IuM, Tur1, IA. IA, Ia,
TU1. TUM.

what muh life has BEAM, and everybody S
quite sorry for her although she certain
ly has been a hard one right from the
beginning of the play. and lots and lots
of women in the audience are dabbing at
their eyes and making ont as If they've
real bad colds in the head-when the
Titterer does it again.
And it's perfectly useless. Just a waste
of energy. TO turn around. as lot of
folks in the audience do. and look dag
gers at the Titterer. She doesn't care.
She's used to having folks look daggers
and poniards and stilettos and smokers
nees and all sort of sharp things like that
at her. and she doesn't MIND EN- little
bit. Even after seventy-live or hun
dred persons in her neighborhood have
turned around to glare at her for litter
ing she's just as liable as not to litter
again just three minutes later, and SO
what is the use?
The Shorter Who Shorts.
Then there is the Shorter. The Shorter
is always Il male. He hates what he
calls sentimental flubdub. He doesn't
take any stock in all this slow-music
tommyrot 1t gives him, as he says
quite audibly, pain.
The Grant husband. wen say. is beg
ging his wife to take him back Che has
just returned from Monte Carlo, where
Ht iOSl o4o,DaS louis Il OF. ana OF course
he's 'brokc"). and he's a pretty nifter
pleader for himself. and he reminds her
of the days when, as lovers, they walked
up and down the dells and lanes and
meadows and things through the old
turnstlles and such-like, and then tire
chlef fiddler of the orchestra gets in his
work by playing snatches from THE
Flower Song" way. way up on the Z
string near the bridge, and all hands
feel that, after all. the wifell be show
ing a mighty measley spirit if she
doesn't give her man another chance
and right here, or there. the Shorter gets
In his work
Huh" you hear him snort, or grunt
right In front or back of or alongside
you. Huh. Drivel. Moonshine, Rot.
DANCED unnatural piff1e. Huh. Gives
me a pain, Talk like a lot o. ruIamies
Huh! Wish they'd can that junk.
Nough to make man sick. Huh, Look
at all these women around here doing
the Weeps! Gives me- a pain. If I'd
known what l was going up against
all this gruggywuggy globby -wobby
weep stun-I'd sure have stayed away
from here! HUH! HUH"
That of course. knocks the everlast-
ing tar out Of all the sentiment of the
piece for you. for. somehow or another
crudely as 1t is expressed. you've a
sneak1ng sort of notion that the
Shorter has got the right end of it, and
yet you resent 1t that he should have
the right end of it when YOU yourself
haven't seen it in that way until he be-
gins to snort Anyhow, your enjoyment
or the piece is completely hashed for the
remainder of the action
Then there's the Bored One Hi-hum
ana likewise hum-hi. how terribly bored
ne is. As for yourself. you're really en-
Joy1ng the play. You're keenly inter
ested In 1T. and you think it's immense
and you're wondering why you hap
pened to wait SO long to see it-when the
Bored One gets in his fell. iconoclastic
work
"Yo-ho-ho." he yawns GENEROUSLY and
loudly, right close to you. Awful truck,
isn't IT.! he goes on. to his companion
Awful: Hi-hum, Wonder what time if
IS. reno" wanted me to play billiards
tonight. and here 1 am at this dull af-
fair. Hi-ho- hum. Well, 1t can't last
much longer. thank heaven, Humph-
nun. I'm as sleepy as a darky on a
cotton wharf Nothing here to keep a
fellow awake. DulIer'n ditch-water
isn't it? Hi-ho-hum."
Putting on the Damper.
And he yawns and yawns and yawns.
and the first thing you know why you
md yourself yawning. too: whereas he
lore the Bored One began. you were wide
awake and all attention. and, such is the
power or suggestion, presently, listening
to the Bored Ones deprecatory comments.
you find yourself making up your mind
that the piece really is stupid, and yet
you are sore because you didn't find that
out before the Bored One caused you to
reach that conclusion. If he'd kept still
and let you alone you'd have gone right
on enjoying the play to the finish, and
you'd have come away enthusiastic over
it and told your friends that they must
see the piece and all that. But the Bored
One even II. as a matter of fact, he
doesn't know Il good play from hayrick
has got you going as they say and
destroyed your evenings entertainment.
Ii playhouse managers only knew just
how much damage to play one of these
Bored Ones In an audience can accom-
plish they'd refuse to sell him tickets
even If he threatened to go to law about
il and carry the case TO the United States
Supreme Court.
Yes. and then there's the pair of bust