davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-10-24
EoIey,s Prosperity.

In reading the newspapers, where SO
much is taken for granted in consider
ing things on a money standard, I
think we need some Of the sense of
humor possessed by an Irish neighbor
of mine, who built what we regarded
an extremely ugly house, which stood
out in bright colors as we looked
from our windows My taste in archf-
lecture differed so widely from that
affected by my Irish friend, that we
planted out the view of his house by
moving some large trees to the end of
our property Another nefghbor who
watched this work going ON asked Mr..
Foley why Mr. Rockefeller moved all
these big trees and cut on the view
between the houses. Foley, with the
quick wit OF his country, responded
instantly: Its hwy, they can't stand
looking at the Evidence of me pros
perity-'-John d. Rockefeller, in the
Worlds Work
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-10-24
THE WARPED SENSE OF HuMoR.

1t is big thing to be born with a of
humor 1t will force smooth sailing life's rough
seas, and will make drudgery bearable.
The woman who cannot joke even her
expense is to be pitied-and her fun
loving friends There is nothing harder both
sides than a humerism that falls fiat.
The good people who interested in the de-
crease of divorce should have law passed that the
serious minded and the joker may not wed 1t
means ructions the orange blossoms fade.
man not long ago was bewailing broken
gagement- friend who knew them both said:
1T is the Lord taking hand to you from
a lifetime of misery. Georgia couldn't see fun if
it were labeled JOKE, and you couldn't help jok-
ing though it meant separation from those you
loved best
But it is thing to have a sense of humor and
another to have warped sense of humor. There
is no one more maddening than the person who
at mishaps and thinks it so funny" to
mortify his friends
You afford to 1augh-if you feel like it
when you fall in a crowded ballroom lose your
false puffs in church; but you have friendship
tender that will a smile when a friend
does the same
1t is the with the misplaced sense of
humor who tells embarrassing anecdotes about fam
lily makeshifts, or who repeats good joke to
common friend something you have said about
her but never intended her hear
One of these misplaced humorists is the husband
who thinks it funny to ask guest to have certain
dishes. and when she accepts to tell her I'VE are
just out of it,
Have you never been covered with embarrass-
ment by having such man ask you to say grace at
his dinner table and shrek with laughter at your
efforts to get out of it?
Then there are humorists who, when you tell a
good story, think it smart. to receive it with
forced outlaws, and others who willfuly refuse to
laugh at the point
Laugh all you can. but have sense of fitness
in your laughing. To joke the bumps in your
own life will do much to smooth them; to find h,,-
NOR in the mishaps of your friends soon to find
yourself friendIess
No matter how keen your sense of humor use
discretion In sharing joke with friend Humor
is Ike lightning. rarely strikes twice in the
sauna way
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-10-24
Expressions Of a cynIe.

Walter Pater, an old man at SO, bald
as a coot and grotesquely plain, re-
garded every woman much as did Dean
Swift, who wrote: "a very little wit
is valued in woman, as we are
pleased with few words spoken intel
lightly by a parrot" You don't APP
prove of marriage?" a friend once OBJ
served to Pater. NO." he replied.
NOR would anybody else if he gave
the matter proper consideration Men
and women are always pulling diff
ferent ways Women won't pull our
way They are so perverse."
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-10-24

pie. The hobo association of a nearby district
gave excursion, a feast, after which the
members disbanded to their regular territories,
most of them going into winter quarters
The reader will wonder where the Wayfarers
slept while they engaged in carrying out their
convention plans. Others wondered, too, but one
early-risng farmer Clifford determined for
himself when he found the committee upon the
determination of water snoring in the key of A IN
a manager early morning. Others took to re-
Ginning benches in the parks, utilized fence
corners while more listless of the order salts
fed themselves with such luxuries of sleep were
furnished underneath front porches-
All in all, it be said that the convention
was a great success, more enthusiasm attending
the meeting than before. There more
grub, less allusion to soap and water and lots OF
sleep for the tourists
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-10-24
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laurels in the handout roping contest The pies,
which proved the articles war and also the
prizes, placed ledge on the outside of
house loaned for the purpose.
Hank, instead of struggling with his fellows on
the outside stole ptchfork, inside the house
and speared the pies, by one, from the second
story window Then to rub in the defeat inflicted
upon the rest of the convention, he the sill
of the open window and slowly munched the pastry
delicacies, to the discontinue of several hundred
upturned hungry faces.
Several weeks before the session was called to
order Slothful Sam appeared as an advance guard
of the army of the unwashed and prepared a set
of rules, which were turned over to the meeting,
but were turned down by unanimous vote, the
members fearing they might infict punishment up
themselves by voting for the proposed regula-
TONS
Following Sans proposals:
That one months growth of beard be the
maximum
That special refrigerator cars be provided for
tanks.
That questionable touring anecdotes be punished
according to the veracity of the tales.
That any member guilty of work be made to toll
and wash daily.
That hoboes found guilty of aiding in perpetual
ing the ancient tin can joke be Stunned by their
fellows
That members apprehended with soap upon their
persons be given capital punishment.
That rewards of merit be devised for those who
promised to work, secured a meal upon that basis,
and then deserted
That system of chalk signals be arranged to
designate homes where the lady of the house is
generous.
That the savage dogs be carried on with
the eXtermlnatIOn of all CANNES in view.
That brakemen be made honorary members of
the order.
That those brakemen who have distinguished
themselves in the aid of members be awarded re-
wards of merit.
That thorough tests, mental and physical, be pro-
vided for taking in members
That beer be made the official drink of the order.
That water be stunned with customary regular
ity.
President Weary Willie pointed that these rules
showed the deep thought of Slothful Sam The
president ruled that guilty of thinking should
be watched, for he might work So fearful
should be joker concealed somewhere within the
resolutions, the convention turned them down
Even wild desc things aside" soliloquized Weary,
ft needs woik ter keep dem resolushuns on de
members minis an woik is de hated Nv de
orders enemies
So that ended Slothful Sans great coup. He said
figured that in nursing his plans he had infringed
upon one of the most sacred traditions his
brothers
Before members were allowed to enter the field
IN which the convention held, thorough
spection was made of the mans credentials Bona
hide proof of membership necessary. Traces of
prosperity about the hobos person relegated him
to the position of rank outsider Special arrange
ments were made with railroad companies for the
transportation of such undesrabes
The meetings. as rule, held in Riverview
wherever there was standing room a grand rarala
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-10-24
St. Peters church, London.

clergy, married at the little church
four years ago his chaplain, the Rev
Mr.. Mcmillan, to Miss Maurice. grand
daughter of the late Rev. Charles Maui
rice, and daughter of Gen. Maurice
In the middle Victorian period Dr.
Maurice was the incumbent of the
church He soon became celebrated as
the most eloquent and powerful
preacher in the Church of England,
and brought ST. Peters from the I'M
known ranks of chapel of ease to its
present status of a famous and fash
ionable church. The only other mar
r1age celebrated in the church was
that of Lord Selborne's daughter to
Col. Lord Digby of the Coldstream
guards. This was some years ago and
King Edward was among the guests.
But for the fact that the bride was
daughter of England's lord chancellor
it is doubtful whether the special au-
thorization needed for the ceremony
would have been issued. In the Nc
Millan-Maurice wedding the fact that
the bridegroom was chaplain to the
archbishop of Canterbury made it cas-
Ter to grant the brides request that
she might be married in her grand
fathers old church. The fees for the
ton amounted to $3.50.
st. Peters was built two centuries
ago by the earl of Oxford as a domes-
tic chapel to his big mansion on what
were then the outskirts of London
About century ago, when the earl
dom became extinct, the chapel be-
came the property of the crown and
has remained so ever since. For years
it was used as a chapel of ease and
has never had a parish attached to it.
The government finally charged pew
rents, in Dr. Matrices time, for the
church was crowded to the doors
twice every Sunday. When Dr. Maui
rice died Canon Page-Roberts of Can
terbury, another of England's most ia
nous preachers, succeeded him and
still is in charge. Canon Page-Rob-
erts goes to London only during the
social season, and during the other
months of the year his curate con-
ducts the services, and distinguished
preachers from all parts visit there.
The late Bishop Potter of New York
has been heard there.
The exterior of ST. Peters is very
plain. 1t looks more like a little old
church in the backwoods than a IA
nous London place of worship. But
the interior is thing of beauty.
Thousands upon thousands of dollars
have been spent on it during the last
quarter of a century. Its marvellous
windows, altar pictures and decora-
lions are all by Burne-Jones, and hun
dreds of American tourists visit it
every year to see them. It's congre-
cation is said to be the most intellect
ual in England. The church being so
street, large number of scientists,
surgeons and physicians attend it.
Lord Cheylesmore, ex-mayor of West
minister, and his American wife at
tend The duke of Wellington, Lord
Roberts and a hundred or more great
peers are pewholders. So anxious are
people to attend the services that the
vestry always has waiting list of
| over 800 who have applied for pews-
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-10-24
CHURCH OF FEW WEDDINGS.
Only TWO in Two Centuries Is Record
of London Edifice.

two centuries is a record which pos
sibly but one church in the world can
claim That church is st Peters,
we're street, London. And vet ST.
Peters is one of the most fashionable
churches of London The reason of it's
record is curious. The church is not
licensed for marriages.
With the aid of special license and
a special proclamation and dispensa-
ton, the archbishop of Canterbury, as
sisted by a distinguished gathering of
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-10-24
cerman's Advance in Minino.

Germany in 20 years has increased
its yearly mining product from 10o,-
000, 900 metric tons to 242, SOS, 900 me-
trio tons. worth s43s. 086, 200. Coal
forms IS per cent. of the output Other
minerals, are salt, iron ores, copper,
lead. zinc. pyrites, gold. silver, man
sanese, arsenic, saltpeter, vitriol and
700, 900 and the companies about
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-10-24
The Wretch!

"a philosopher, pa"
philosopher, WILLIE answered
skinny little Mr.. Hennypeck, lis
married man who does not wish he
Wasn't."-Smart Set.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-10-24

Instant Relief for All Eyes,
that are irritated from dust, heat, sun OF
wind, PETTfT'S EYE SALVE, 25c. All
druggists or Howard Bros, Buffalo, N. 7
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-10-24

At the time he casts his first vote a
man is too young to rCsEze that he
doesn't know it all.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-10-24

You always get full value in Lewis
Single Binder straight Sc cigar. Your
dealer or Lewis Factory. Peoria. Ill.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-10-24

The wise man who has a good opin-
ion of himself keeps it to himself.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-10-24

of hoboes took place on the third
day of the convention and 1t was
watched by hundreds OF townspeo-
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-10-24

yez tole where tell he got off, didn't
yez?"
Nav, not fer desc weary meat
hooks. 1 piles me carcus off de
blind at dis hole in de woods
an, wedder permittin', me and
de boes from de Ollie Ma
goo belt1l roost here It'll de
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-10-24

After suffering for seven years,
this woman was restored tohealth
by lydia e. Pinkham'S Vegetable
Compound. Read her letter.
Mrs. Sallie French, of Paucaunla,
Ind. Ter, writes to Mrs. Plnkham:
81 had female troubles for seven
years-was all rundown, and SO ner-
vous I could not do anything The
doctors treated me for different troubles
but did me no good. While in this con-
dition I wrote to Mrs. Pinkham for adj
vice and took Lydia E. Pinkham's Vege-
table Compound, and I am now strong
and well"
FACTS FOR SICK WOMEN
For thirty years Lydia q. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound, made
from roots and herbs, has been the
standard remedy for female ills,
and has positively cured thousands OF
women who have been troubled with
disbursements, inflammation, ulcera-
ton, fibroid tumors, Irregularities,
periodic pains, backache, that bear
ing-down feeling, hatulency. indlges-
ton, dizziness, ornervous prostration.
Why don't you try it
Don't hesitate to write to Mrs.
Pinkham if there Is anything
about your sickness you do not
understand. She VIII treat your
lettefinconfidep and you
free. No woman ever reEreCted
writing her, and because or her
vast eXperir nee she has helped
thousands. Address, Lynn Mass
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1908-10-24

N DE shack wanted
yez tub h e av e
clinkers, he did,
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1908-08-05
MUST BELIEVE 1T
When Well Known Americas People
Tell it SO Plainly

When public endorsement is made
by a representative citizen of Ameri-
Gus the proof is positive. You must
believe it. Read this testimony. Ev-
cry backache sufferer, every man,
woman or child with any kidney trou-
BILE will find profit in the reading.
wv. NJ Rigsby living at 443 Hamp-
ton ST., Americas, Ga, says: II con-
slider Doan's Kidney Pills an excel
lent remedy for backache and kid
ney trouble. l suffered a great deal
from an aching back and my kidneys
were in a disordered condition.
went to Dodson's Pharmacy, procur-
ed a box of Doan's Kidney Pills and
used them in accordance with the di-
rections. The use of the box helped
me so much that l used two more
boxes and was entirely cured | keep
Doan's Kidney Pills on hand at all
times, to have on hand in case of an
emergency"
For sale by all dealers. Price SOC.
Foster Millburn Co., Buffalo, New
York, sole agents for the United
States.
Remember the name-Doan's-
take no other.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1908-08-05
DUNCAN MERCANTILE GO.
and III Forsyth St. John r. Shaw's Old Stand

City Clerk Bogaskie, of Johnstown,
was communicated with. The near
bride and the near bridegroom went
to his office to make the necessary
affidavits When Bogaskie learned
that the bride-to-be was under IS
years 0 age, and that her father was
not in the city to give his consent to
her marriage, he would not issue the
license.
In the meantime the guests had
assembled to witness the ceremony,
and when Miss Martish and Mr.. Bailey
arrived at the brides home on their
return they found all awaiting their
coming.
Determined to make the best of the
matter. Miss Martish donned her
wedding gown, and the festivities as
originally planned, including the sery-
ing of an elaborate banquet, were
carried out, while the clergyman who
was to haye performed the marriage
ceremony confined himself to blessing
the assemblage.
The bride-elect's father is in the
Far West on business, and when he
returns, some time in September, and
signs the certificate the marriage will
be solemniZed.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1908-08-05
MANY BENEFITS
FROM THE REVIVAL
Moral Life of Community
Has Been UpIifted.

That the ten days revival service
conducted by Rev Robert Jones, at
the tabernacle has been a most sue
cessfuI meeting is the unanimous opin-
ion of the members of the Business
Mems League, under whose auspices
the services have been conducted.
This is the second midsummer re-
yival attempted by the League, and it
is safe to say that the event will be
an annual one.
Not only were men, women, boys
and girls led to turn away from the
world and take up the Christian life,
but the whole community has received
moral and spiritual uplift which will
be of almost incalcuable value to Am
CIRCUS.
For the church member who had
grown law in his conduct, the SER
mons of the evangelist have had the eff
feet of stirring up and renewing their
desire for righteousness. Even among
the near" converts the influence of
the meeting will be for the betterment
of their lives, and sometimes during
the interval before another revival
they may join one of the local church
es, as the result of seed sown in
their heart during the revival.
No PROSECUTING will be carried on
among those who have been convert
ed during during the revival, but /.
is expected that each of the converts
will select that church which best
suits his or her religious views. Di-
vided among the various churches or
the city, the coming of these young
Christians will be a source of strength
to the congregations
In speaking of the revival, Mr.. w.
E. Brown of the Business Mems
League, said yesterday:
I'VE think the revival conductea by
Mr., Jones had been a great success.
The meetings have done the town a
lot of good in many ways. There
have been between forty and fifty con-
versions. The Christians have been
built up in their faith, and members
of the churches who had grown luke
warm have had their faith strengthen
ed. In moral way the revival has
no doubt accomplished much, though
these results do not appear on the
surface. Men will no doubt pay their
debts better and cut out some of
their other wrong doing 1t will tone
up the religious sentiment of the town
and make Americas a better place in
which to live From a mere monetary
standpoint, it has been worth many
times the expense involved, even had
not single soul been converted. OF
course the conversion of even one per-
son cannot be measured in terms of
money.
1t is assured that these annual
midsummer meetings will be a fea-
ture of the Business Mems League as
long as the organization is in exis-
tence"
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1908-08-05
FINE RESIDENCES
MUCH IN DEMAND
Waiting List for Americas
is Long One.

The demand for houses of the bet
ter class is strong in Americas to-
day. Houses Of from six to eight
rooms, and with all modern conven-
fences would sell or rent like the
proverbial hot cakes.
A number of substantial Sumter
county citizens are anxious to move
to Americas, and are deferred only
by their inability to get a suitable
place to live
Only recently a gentleman adver-
tised for a house renting from $35 to
$40, but the only two answers receiv-
ed were for a house too small and
another too far removed from the
business section.
Without going into discussion of
the small house proposition, it is
sufficient to say that the demand for
this class of houses g also insistent.
Mr.. wv. L. English, the real estate
agent, in speaking of the demand for
fine houses, said yesterday:
Right now | have a number of
customers living in Sumter county
who want me to rent or purchase a
nice residence for them 1t is true
that there are some fine residences
on the market, but they are held at
such figures that it is evident that
the owners are not anxious to get
rid of them.
Rather a singular reason exists
why some of these homes are on the
market. This reason is that some of
these houses are so large that it
takes a number of servants to main
tain them and servants are difficult
to get. Hence these house owners are
DESTROYS of disposing of their large
houses, and build smaller ones, but
just as fine in every way.
IF | could get satisfactory houses,
l could bring in several families to
Americas at once. These are wealthy
farmers mostly, who desire to come
to Americas to reside and educate
their children.
1T would no doubt be a paying
proposition if some capitalist were to
build for rent some nice homes. !
can rent or sell number of them
myself
The coming of the street railway
is also boosting property values in
certain sections of the city,
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1908-08-05
WIFE WAS LEPER::
STOLE HER AWAY
Aged Couple Fled to Mexi-
co for Refuge.

Los Angeles, Cal, Aug. 4.-(Spe-
ciaD-Knowing that his wife waa
suffering from leprosy, Brig. Gen
David K. Wardwell (retired) veter-
an of two wars, secretly and in thc
night took his wife from the contag-
ious ward in the county hospital. The
couple went to Mexico, where they
will make their home.
Effort is being made by the author
tiles to find them, but only to &C
count to the government for the
case of leprosy. Both, according to
officials of the county hospital, threat
ened to commit suicide if they were
not allowed to spend the remainder
of their years in each others COM
pany, even if it were in isolation.
Mrs. Wardell, at one time beauti-
full woman, was removed from the
contagious ward in the county hospi-
tai three nights ago. The next
morning an opened window and a
note upon the window sill told the
story of her flight We will not be
molested in Mexico" the note said.
1T was there where we were mar
ried, and we will be allowed to die
there together"
IuNSSLlS dbIOh onOWCQ thctI tIlC COu-
pie got aboard a late night train
for Mexico. Down at SawtelTe, in
the neighborhood of the Soldiers
Home, the story of the couple is well
known. The tender devotion of the
aged veteran to his wife when she
showed signs of the dread disease en-
deared the man to those in the neigh
borhood Four weeks ago, howevel
Mrs. Waddell resolved to give herself
into the custody of the health officers.
She came to Los Angeles The great
mental strain she underwent caused
her to faint when within a block of
the police station.
With tears in his eyes the aged
general pleaded with the health Off
GERS to be allowed the privilege OF
taking his wife to Mexico, the countrs
where she was born, but they were
abdurate. Wardwell declared that he
was suffering from leprosy, but an
examination showed that he was not
Mrs. Wardwell was a Miss Isabella
Cole For two years she nursed a
brother, afflicted with leprosy, in a
futile attempt to save his life. The
general married her with the know
ledge of that fact, and a short time
later they came to California. Here
they spent the last eight years, and
it was here the first symptoms of the
disease were noted.