davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
Startling.

A gentleman opened a letter address
ed to his sou containing suggestions
from q friend to the latter for a novel
which he (the SOM was privately writ
ing. The father was exceedingly sur
prIsed and frightened upon reading The
following dreadful words:
Dear Bob-You really must show more
caution in constructing your plots, or the
governor will be sure 10 discover the
dead body of Geraldine In the cellar. and
then your secret will be out You con-
suited me about the strychnine. ! GER
tainly think you are giving 1t him IN
rather large doses. Let Emily put her
mother In q madhouse. 1t Will answer
YOUR purpose well TO have the old girl
out Of the way. / think your forgery is
for too small a sum. Make II three thou-
sand. Leave the rest OF your particularly
nice family circle TO me. / VIII hnl3n
them off and send you back the fatal
dagger afterward by post Yours.
Il ondOn EXDreSs.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
Ea.u Nav 10 RA Generous,

In q church Of a New England VII
lage was an old man who had all the
Christian graces save one, and that
was the grace Of llberality. He would
do anything In the world for the cause
Of religion but give up his money. AT
the close Of the financial year 1863
the church found itself S400 In debt.
A church meeting was called, and II
was voted to circulate a subscription
paper on the spot and endeavor to thus
raise the sum needed. This was done,
and the old gentleman did not put his
name on the paper The result was
rather dlsheartenIng. $500 only having
been pledged. Silence reigned for a
moment, when one Of the most gen
erous men in the church moved that
1--WE double our subscriptions" In
stantly the old gentleman was on bis
feet and with extraordinary fervor
cried, 81 second the notion"
He evidently felt that he was Thus
doing his part in fastening a most de-
sirable result
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
a Pretty Warm Fish.

A we'll known fisherman was fishing
for perch and was seated along tfse
edge Of a lake near the roots Of q
largo treo, which was favOrlte spot
for the perch. Luck had been only
fair, and he was debating on the ques-
ton Of hauling in the line aud going
home when there came a powerful
tug.
He knew that he had huge fish
and struggled vigorously for twenty
minutes before ne landed bis prize
II was q sun1sh, one Of the, largest he
had ever seen. He landed IL on tn,
bank, and then be noticed that the
rays from the fish were so powerful
that he was almost blinded. and the
grass In the vicinity was shrlveled up
by the heat
4 few minutes later the man fell
over. He had been sunstruck By the
sunfsh and was beyond hope.-Phil-
adelphia American.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
The Eiechant at Say.

Twenty years Of experience tells me
that q whole regiment Of Sons cannot
produce the same moral effect as one
twelve foot African tusker when hs
cocks his big. sai-like ears. draws him
.seif up to his full height and looks nj
YOU. letting OF ut the sane tine a
blood curdling scream. while In all
probability others Invisible TO you are
stampeding on all sides with the din
and vibn ton Of an earthquake. Sur
rounded in a dense jungle 10y herd or
elephants. they seem TO block out the
whole horizon. One measured was
actually sixteen feet from edge OF ear
TO edge.of ear. No wonder my insig-
nificant,self seemed TO shrivel and my
huge express ride 10 dwindle into
mere pea shooter. Try as ! Will on
such occasions. ! can never overcome
my sense OF terror and always feel
inclined to throw down my elephant
gun and run, FOR safety till I drop
w. G.. Fitz-Gerald in Success Maga-
xtna
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
A Wedding Superstition.

1t has been considered uHlu,ky TO he
married In May ever since the days Of
Ovid, and those people who have spent
their time In looking up roots and
reasons have given what they consider
to be the origin Of the superstition as
follows:
In ancient Rome there was held ia
May q festival called the Lemuria. or
feast Of the Lemures, which was a
ceremony In honor Of the speeches of
departed souls. 1t became with the
Romans what we should call dad
form" to have matrimonial feasts al
the season or Il solemn ritual. being no
doubt thought 10 be an insult TO the
dead 20 marry ut such time. From
this number Of stories grew Of the
revenge made by the outraged ghosts
upon those who dared to disregard
them. and Il anything unfortunate hap
pened to n couple who had been mar
ried in May ii would. Of COulSe. have
been put down 10 retribution So the
tradition Of Ill luck arose, ard its In
fuerce has lasted ever since, even to
our tine.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
First Victory Of the Revolution.

The Importance Of the assault upon
Fort William and Mary is generally
overlooked by historians. The demon
strations against various British armed
vessels, beginning with the firing upon
the schooner st. John IN July, 17G4, as
we'll as the battle Of Alamance, In
North Carolina. In III, were essential
ly local and were so far removed from
the Revolutionary period that they pro-
duced no appreciable effect upon the
war itself. The Boston massacre"
was the repulse Of mob by a squad
Of British regulars. but at Fort WI
liam and Mary the royal standard was
lowered for the first time, and the gun
powder taken therefrom was burned
by the patriots at Bunker Hill. The
king recognized In the daring assault
the inevitability OF the impending
struggle. There IS truth In the claim
set forth on the tablet on the old Fort
Constitution Of today that the site
marks "the first victory Of the Amer
lean Revolution. Army and Navy
Life.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
Too Particular.

The finical customer at the fish mar
ket pointed at sign In the window
with this inscription upon 1t: "Anjo-
Wis"
"What does that mean" he asked.
What Is an anjoyisT'
"Aniovis," answered the proprietor
"are little fishes. Didn't ye never hear
Of 'emY'
~You mean anchoyies. don't your
Not unless you want 10 buy some
SIR sternly spoke the proprietor. III
4 man wants to buy my fish he can
esal 'e1n what he durn peases. When
rmNpuitin' up signs on my fish III call
'en, ,yhaf,I durn please, and anybody
who ,d.nt like 'en don't have to TOOK
at 'en>atr
The fuGal customer muttered an
apology and4ascaped further trouble by
purchasing Girre's worth Of smoSed
herring, harmless, unassuming hsh
about whose mare th're could be no
possible dispute-sIscagoAInIune.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
How a Girl Throws.

Perhaps n better title would have
been How q Girl Doesn't Throw,
because IL Is we'll known that girl
cannot propel ball or anything else
Ike a boy. Most pcople-ani all boys
conclude that this defect arises from
clumsiness, but that Is a mistake.
The difference between girls throw
ing and boys Is substantially this:
The boy crooks his elbow and
rcaches back, with the upper part of
his arm about at a right angle Of forty
five degrees. The direct act of throw
Ing Is accomplished by bringing the
arm back with a sort Of snap. working
every Joint from shoulder to wrist.
The girl throws with her whole arm
rigid, the boy with his whole arm re-
laxed. Why this marked and unmis.
taxable difference exists may be ex-
planned by the fact that the clavicle
or collar bone in the feminine anatomy
Is some inches longer and set some de
grees lower down than in the mascu-
line frame. The long, crooked. awk-
ward bone interferes with the full and
free use Of the arm. This is the rea-
son why a girl cannot throw O stone.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21

About the mouths Of tie streams on
which sGimon camps ere situated the
Indian dogs ard children amuae them
selves catching tie fish Some of the
Youngsters are 50 small th9t after they
have succeeded IN cOrreriag a fish
the combined efforts Of the party arc
often required 70 dispatch i. ard carry
II TO camp. I have watched dogs run
ming about IN 4 lift swapping at the
salmon and apparently having the timt
Of their lives.
One Of the NEST amusing sights that
! saw during my stay IN Alaska was
two Indian bows bciHg towe1 about
the harbor at Kadlak by n huge hall
but they lad just hooked Utterly un-
nbe to land the fish, they had fastened
the line to the stern Of the boat. and
while they pullcd with all their might
each one at m oar. they rallied each
other for not eycrting more strength
and shouted loudly for help. Finally
an Indian pTt out IN a boat. and the
fish was landed.-FOreSt ard Stream.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
humiliatinq.

Champ Chrk frequently visited
Washington before his election TO the
house and thought he waS pretty well
known there. On one occasion, says
the Washington Star, he5came to- the
capital on bw mess for "a client. he
was surprised and pleased to meetsan
old friend and townsman ar the hoh'
Mr.. Clark had selected for his stay
Well. we'll, If It isn't Brown" ex-
claimed Mr.. Clark. I'm glad 10 ,see
you. Is there anything I can do Fo'
you?"
Then Mr.. Clark took his friend Wy
the arm and marched him totthe hotel
desk, saying. II can do YOU gosd
turn. anyhow"
Clerk" added Mr.. Clark when 'they
had reached that functionary, 'tl,s Is
my friend Mr. Brown. ! want you 10
treat him right. Let him have wha1-
ever be wants. and If he gets too ex-
travagant and runs out OF cash just
charge 1t to me-
why. yes" said the clerk. "Iiknow
Mr.. Brown very well, sir, but who are
your
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
Stumplnu Competition.

That competition is at least the bacK-
bone II not the life Of trade Is Illus
trated by the big city department
stores, especially those located In the
same district, where rivalry runs hign
and the efforts to attract trade are
studied with particular care In time OF
depressiOn. That this same incentive
for progress is not given TO stores In
the country may be one cause-or Is IL
effectf-of the degeneration OF some or
our rural districts In the east one OF
the heads OF a prominent New York
concern who spent a vacation In New
England last summer went TO the local
general store to buy a few yards OF
q certain cloth.
1--WE don't keep it" said the store
keeper.
why not?" was the reply. This Il
q staple. How can you get along With
oEt it?"
"Yaal," was the Indifferent eXpiana-
ton, 1--WE Jest can't keep 1t. l laid IN
some a short spell ago, but 1t WAS
bought out, and every time I've got
some it only gets sold. There's no use
trying to keep it herer'-System.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
Would Follow His Example

After the battle OF Prestonpans
witty Scottish farmer amused himself
by writing n ballad upon Ii, which sc
stung one OF the English officers, who
had behaved very basely on the occa
sion. that he sent the poet challenge
to meet him ut II. for mortal com
bat.
The second found the farmer busy
with his hayfork and Mt once delivered
the challenge OF the redOubtable hero
The good natured farmer, turning to
ward him with the agricultural imple
ment. coolly said:
Gang ava back to Mester Smith
and tell him hae nae time to come tC
II. TO gle him satisfaction. but that Il
he likes to come here I'll TAX a loof
at him, and II think ! can fech
(figho him III fecht him. and II
think ! Gamma fecht him Ill just do a.
be did-I'll run away"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
The Miser's Garnet.

"Dr. Quain. the eminent physician,
full OF Hibcrnian wit, would some
times tell unauthorized anecdotes Of
his professional experiences" says Sir
Algernon West in lone City and
Many Men" "Once he was attending
a we'll known man of miserly habits
In Mayfair. who when very Ill asked
him to honestly tell him If he would
ever again rise from his bed of sick
ness. The doctor thought he never
would. Please ring the bell said the
patient, and when he had secured the
attendance Of his housekeeper he said:
Have the strip Of carpet by my bed
side. which is a good one, wrapped
up and put away. I shall not want II
again, and If 1t Is left here those un-
dertaker's men will be sure to spoil
It with their dirty boots"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
Gha Got His Mama.

Little boy" asked the newiteacber
"wbat Is your nameT
"I'n have to write It. for you, miss,
be said hesitatingly.
"Why2 My hearing is quite good
Your name, boyw
I'D rather not tell you"
Surely you can't be.ashamed .of itY
mo, miss. BUT
Then We will not waste any more
time, II you please! ] am waiting"
The small boys eyes rolled wildly IL
their sockets, and his face became con
torted with pain as he began:
"Ku-kuk -kuk k-kuk-kuk kuk Clarence
That's my first name, miss. But my
other name Is Pup-pup-pup-pup-Per
kinsl I never stutter 'cept when In
speaking my name, and when In
nagged like this l get whole lo
worse. miss"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
a Rana With tha Sun.

An English magazine says that II ar
aerial machine We're capable OF travel
ing at any rate up TO 1000 miles an
hour q traveller In it, starting west
ward from London at a speed of 6OC
miles On hour, would arrest the prog
ress of time. II he started at 10 a. m.,
II would always be TO him 10 Il. NJ
Should be find his unending day mo
notonous be could reverse his direc.
ton and get quick succession of short
days aud nights Of some six hours
duration. but he could regulate the
length by the speed OF his machine
Suppose he trave,ed from London one
night at 10 O'clock westward Mt a
speed Of 1000 miles per hour. he
would soon experience the sensation
Of seeing the sun rising in the west
where Ii hnd set short time before.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21

Noise, at first cultivated In this land
by the Indians. has reached its climax
in the college yell. 1t is used at po-
l!tical conventions. at christenings and
at women's clubs. No monument was
necessary for the man who first In
vented noise. His work lives after
him.
Noise Is used by cities. which have
the first call for It. They split 1t up
into az many sounds as possible and
divide It among all.
Noise varies In its volume and In
tensity, from embryonic and immature
sawmill to q baby crying in the night.
Life.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
The pyiq and His Cane.

IN the number OF the Tatler for Oct.
J. 100, Ii IS observed that IL cane is
nart of the dress OF prig" CHS, 10y
the way, shows the erroneous notion
prevalent that ''pfigglshness' Is a
modern wordl ''and always worn upon
a button. for fear he should be thought
to have an occasion for 1t or be esteem
ed really and not genteeily a cripple
In the number OF Nov. Is q rural
SQUIRE In town is skctched who Is the
prototype OF one Of the pavement nui-
sances: Ills arms naturally swung at
an unreasonable distance from his
sides. which, with the advantage of a
cane that he brandished In great va
iiety of irregular motions. made Ii un-
safe for any one to walk within sew
cral yards of him."
And under date Of Dec. there Is an
amusing sketch OF "a lively. fresh col
ored young man" who was among the
applicants TO Isaac Bickers;aff's court
of censorship for license to use canes,
perspective glasses, snuffboxes, orange
flower waters and the like ornaments
of life" This young man had his cane
hanging on his fifth button and was
"an Oxford scholar who was just eD
tered at the temple"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
MARKETS
Woodstock, Va, Aug. 20, 1908.
LIVE STOCK MARKETS.


Sales DAYS for Live Stock are as follows:
Mondays-;heep, Hogs and Cattle
Tuesdays-Cattle. ,
[All Live Stock sold gross weigntI
Baltimore. Aug. ~.
Cattle-Receipts for the week ended AZ
noon Today were s,o97 head, against a,eo5 neao
last week; 100 car loads on the market. Quote
Sfr-.s good to choice butchers, s. as to S IS,
Others s3.7s tO$42s; Cows, sl'soto, u 2s; Bulls
S. 90 to 25;Heiiers,S3 IS to SsIo' tresh COWS
$25 toS55 per head.
Hogs-Recelpts for the week ended at no On
TODAY were 1896 head, against 9533 1eau las,
week. Fair supply today and moderate demand
Quote: Westerns. $7Is 10 7.as others, soSo W
7.oo: roughs, S 90 to 90. -,
Sheep and Lambs-Keceipts Tor tne weeS
ended at noon TO today were 10, 20 heaH !,
against o,Is8 headtlast week. Lignt suEPy
ard fair demand. Quote Lambs, $3.50
TO so. Sheep, SI.so TO 400. -, =.
Caives-Receipts for the week nled a!
noon today were head, 444 against $50 heao
last week. Fair supply today and market
firm. Quote: Common to best, $3.50 10 7'2s'
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
70 bringing q hereto from Lon
Incnirinn hope.

The DOctor-lIcar Cp l must tel
YOU the wcrsi-you can't possibly re
cover. The Clent-That's Pity. foi
II I'd lived II bit longer should have
come into fortune. As II Is, / haven'
n penny to pay you with. doctor. The
Doctor-Weil, now. don't give up hope
Wen try to mend you. Wen try.-ll
Illustrated Bits.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
There is nothing more frightful than
ignorance In actiOn.-GOethe.
u NvnnlI Rnturn

FIFTY dollars IS the price" said the
magistrate. "aEd l hope, sir. never to
see you here again"
Never to see me here again? Why
you're not resigning. are yOu:"
And with Il nOnchalant laugh TOor-
ing Karr threw n crisp fifty dollar bill
to the clerk. entered his waiting ninety
horsepower racer and set out TO break
another speed law.-New York Press.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
ro,c,;ent;ous About lt.

"Mr. Gllzzard." asked the caller. "are
you carrying all the life insurance you
can afford"
NO" answered thc man ut the desk.
II can agorl more. and | had cxinrto
10 take out more. but fron notc got
from NY employer this morning | have
begun to suspect that l'm carrying Il
good deal more than ! nm worth
chicago Tribune.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
His Inspiration.

The negro brass band connected with
the travelling troupe was blatting n
tune In its characteristic slap bang
style in front OF the theater when n
dusky cornet player who had been
sulklng all day suddenly quit blowing
and did not resume.
"Say, Mose." demanded the leader In
tie ensuing pause, "ain't yo' workin
any MOT"
"Ah Is wen Ah gifts de inspiration.
retortcd the sulky musician, throwing
the whites OF his eyes across at the
leader.
"W'en am Gat?"
wen All gIts nah las weeks pay
kansas City Independent
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
a Friend in Need.

TOan me q dollar, old man." said
the actor. I'm hungry"
I'm broke myself" responded the
stage manager, "but I'll put you on IN
the bill tonight. We have an eating
scene"
"Man, III starve before night"
'In that case I'll call a rehearsal" y
St Louis Republic.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
a Rnal Oilennnna

"Say, Mike" queried Plodding Pete.
who was looking at the piece OF Il
Sunday school paper that had come
with a handout, "wot does it mean
bout bein' between de devil an de
deep seaT
Its de same as bein' told t take
yer choice between goln' t work an
takln' BATH" explained Meandering
Mlke.-Chicago News.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
HE ONLY Want.

Bfllionaire's Daughter-You wrong
him. papa. He does not love me FOR
nv money. He SCOTS at the worlds
sordid eagerness for wealth. Papa
What proof have you, child? Billion
aires Daughter-Why. only last night
he told NE he didn't care II lie was
never able to make a penny In his life
II he only had Inc.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
a Mans Tact.

Nobody but Mr.. Henley would have
asked such a question In the first place
Miss Farley" he said. 'if you
could make yourself over what kind
Of hair and eyes would you haveT'
"If could make myself over" said
Miss Farley. Il would look just ex
actly as | do now.'
"You wouldT exclaimed Henley IN
honest surprise, and to this day he
can't understand why Miss Farley
thinks him a man Of little taste and
less tact
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
The Streiner.

II was the first time she had ever
used telephone. and the drug clerk
detected the fact by the nervous way
in which she he'd the receiver
Dear mer' she exclaimed tisnl1ly.
why are all those sieve!ille holes In
the mouthpieceT
They are there for a purpose" re-
piled the drug clerk solemnly.
what ptiipc~ef'
"Why. so you can strnin your voice. :"
And she was SO embarrassed she
forgot lie nE;ateg she vi call up:4
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
lie Oridin.

40 you don't believe In the story OF
Jonah and the whaleT
NO" answered Mr.. Meekton thought
fully.
How do you suppose 1t originatedT
We'll | suppose Jonah had been
away from home for some time ana
had TO tell his wife something."-Kan
sas City Newsbook.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
His PRINCIPAL Occupation.

The art photographer had visited the
farm. 81 want TO make an exhaustive
study Of this particular bit Of land
scape." he said. land would like tC
have your hired man retain his pres
ent position on the fence there. Car
he sit still?" "For days ut time.
replied the farmer. ."-Cleveland Plair
Dealer
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
E.rcino a Success.

What Is the name Of your new
novelY"
1.-The Dungeon Good gloomy title
chr
"Ycs That name alone ought to GEL
the book among the six best cellars. -
Washington Herald.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
A POSITIVE FACT.

IN Davis &Co can supply you with
most anything you want 70 oay IN
Real Estate, II you will write to them
Stating lust what you want 1t you
S"va any Real Estate you want TO sell,
10 nonS a fuH description, and list with
sha,n. hem and they will find you quick
nnrchaser, , If the price is rsasonab'e
= will cost you nothing unless they
"SAo N. DAVIS 8 CO.,
Pea! Estxte Agents,
WOOS tOck We
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21

The clergyman litue son was tell
Ing the small son OF parishioner OF
the dreadful fights which he and hi
sister INDUCED In.
'You don't mean to say that minis
ters' children hght?" replied the horri
fed little layman.
"Ob. yes.'
"who whipsr
~Mamma."-ExchanSe.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
Not pavino For Holes.

"Yes. SIR" said the druggist, Eve
have all sorts of porous plasters. What
sort do you wantT'
"Well-er-which kind has the fewes,
holes in it?" asked Stinjay. IL want
to get my moneys worth"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21

Little Glrl OF -Four tstanding cd
,rancei, laforc the window OF toy
shop)-Oh. mother. II you was my lit
lie girl, wouldn't take you In and
bay you some OF these lovely thingsE
London Taller.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21

al music is more or less dramatic
and so the march OF music is toward
the theater. The times of mere enjoy
rscnt Of tone combinations are past
:. ,,r Nikisch.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
As "a STAGE FrIuht.

stage fright" Is surely among the
most mysterious Of sudden seizures
II begins when the actor or speaker
thinks ''they are not interested In me.
II ends when he determines II will In
terest them."-London Chronicle.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-08-21
Her Preference.

81 want to make gift 20 Miss Pms
,ay." said Dumlcy. Il wonder what
sort of animal she'd prcfcr for petY'
IN man" pro- ,"'lv suggested Miss
Knox philadelphia Press,