davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1908-10-16

TO RENT--A new room house, l2 minutes ride from the center; price right. Overlook Land Co. II East Main st. Tel 1904. 1O-5-tf
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05
An Unexpected Answer.

San Francisco Chronicle: Woodruff,
a Harvard man himself and the star
in Brown of Harvard" was called
upon in the st. Francis lobby at $50
o'clock yesterday afternoon by a tall,
statuesque, handsomely attired, beauti-
ful young girl. with Harvard red roses
on her hat in her girdle. She In
troduced herself with a burst OF con-
hdence: You don't know me, but I'm
just crazy to go IN the stage!"
Woodruff, who is rather a small man
and blond. looked up at the stunning,
200-pound caller and shook his head
gravely. Suppose" he said. lyon were
to go on the stage, say in the same conf
pany with me, and there was a fire.
scene and a rescue. and I raj the herd.
and you the heroine!"
Yes, yes; oh go on; how perfectly.
fascinating!"
And there was no one to save us,
just us two alone and in peril!"
And not a soul lookinE?"
Nobody nea to help u.s."
Then ia grab you right up, MI.
Woodruff. and carry you out to safety"
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05

Girl Had Running Sores from
Eosema-Boy Tortured, by Poison
oak--BOth Cured by Cuticura.
Last year, after having my little
girl treated by a very prominent physi-
clan for an obstinate case Of eczema,
I resorted to the Cutlcura Remedies,
and was so well pleased with the al
most instantaneous relief afforded that
discarded the physicians prescrip-
t&n and relied entirely on the Cuti-
.cdra Soap, Cutlcura Ointment, and Gu
ticura Pills. When we commenced with
the Cuticuta Remedies her feet and
limbs were covered with running sores.
In about six weeks we had her COM
pletely well, and there has been no re-
currence Of the trouble.
I'm July of this year a little boy in
our family poisoned his hands and
arms with poison oak, and in twenty
four hours his hands and arms were a
mass of t~orturing sores. We used only
the Cuticura Remedies, and in about
three weeks his hands and arms healed
up. Mrs. Lizzie Vincent Thomas, Fair
mont, Walden's Ridge, Tenn, Oct. IS,
fqOh"
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05
A Miraculous Tale.

Judge: Johnson waited patiently un-
til Thompson had finished his fishing
story, then he said:
IT want TO tell you something that
happened to me right up in thai wild
district where you say you landed a
string Of a thousand in half a day. You
know Beverly and I went up there two
summers ago in an automobile2"
Yes, / remember"
well, sir, We lost u way, and for
FIVE days and nights we couldn't sight ID
farmhouse or a human being"
Have any food with you?" asked
Thompson.
Not ever q sandwich"
what did you live on?"
~"Soup-soup morning, noon and
night"
Soupl But what did you have to
make soup Off"
why" said Johnson, without ever
the suspicion of a smile, 1.-The first day
we got lost the auto struck a stone and
turned turtle"
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05
One OF tie
Essentials

Of the happy homes of to-day is a vast
fund of information as to the best mothods
OF promoting health and happiness and
right living and knowledge Of the worlds
best products.
Products of actual excellence and
reasonable claims truthfully presented
and which have attained to Worldwide
acceptance through the approval of the
Wel-Informcd of the World; not of indi-
viduals only, but Of the many who hayet
the happy faculty Of selecting and obtain-
ing the best the world affords.
One of the products of that class, oil
known component parts, an EthicalE
remedy, approved by physicians and CONF
mended by the Well Informed of thee
Worldas a valuable and wholesome familyk
laxative is the well-known Syrup Of FigsE
and Elixir of SIENNA. To get its beneficial
effects always buy the genuine, manu-
featured by the Californieang Syrup Col
only, and for sale by all leading druggists.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05
cussin, the climate.

tDld Sid Smith was the ~blessedest one
H. Eor cussin' the climate;
FReared that his only idea OF fun
n Was cussin' the climate.
4No. matter whe g old Sid would go,
ENNhether twou.d rain or whether 'twoulf
snow,
tshinin' or stormin', ca'm or blow,
He was cussin' the climate
bsIived In Mizzoury for quite a spell,
4 .Aecussin' the climate:
tSaid II was hotter THANH won tell
4 Then, cussin' the climate,
moved down into Arkansaw,
he continues to work his jaw
Seemed obeyin' a sort o. law
Z In cussin' the climate.
FThen old Sid, he moseyed east,
. Still cussin' the climate; ... .
ttTothed at the mouth like q ragin' beast
a A-cussin' the climate;
massachusetts, Connecticut, Maine,
Zach one goin' ag'in' his grain,
Sld's mission was always plain
Jest cussin' the climate. .l
latter a while he went out west,
SntlI cussin' the climate,
kSwearin' that so~mewheres else was best
1 So. cussin' the climate
from Oregon down the coast,
Finally Sid give up the ghost.
NOW he's gone where the grumblers
roast
Stin cussin' the climatel
-Robertus Love in New York Sum-.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05
billion Dollar Grnss.

Most remarkable grass Of the century.
Good for three rousing crops annually.
One Iowa farmer on 100 acres sold 3d.
10000 worth of seed and had 800 tons Of
hay besides. 1t is immense. Do try it.
FOR 10C AND THIS NoTIcE
send to the John A. Salzer Seed Co., La
Crosse, Wis, to pay postage, etc, and
they will mail you the only original seed
catalog published in America, with sam
pies of Billion Dollar Grass, Macaronf
Wheat. the sly miller mixer, Sainfoin, the
dry soil luxuriator. Victoria Rape, the
20c a ton green food producer, Silver
King Barley yielding 113 bu. per acre,
etc, etc, etc.
And if you send lac we will add a
package of new farm seed never before
seen by you. John A. SaIzer' Seed Co.,
La Crosse. Wis. G.. y. u.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05
&3S Per Acre-His Oats $3T
Per Acre In Southern
Alberta.

Coaldale, Alta, Nov. 10th, 1907
Sir-I beg to say that this year we
had $40 acres Of grain, consisting Of
1917 acres of spring wheat and 152 acres
Of oats. The average yield Of wheat
was 3S bushels per acre and oats "A
bushels. We were offered $1.00 per
bushel for wheat and so cents for oats,
making the acre values for the two
crops $500 and $1,000, respectively.
We also had so tons Of hay worth
$1,000 per ton, and 500 bushels of po-
tatoes, worth GO cents per bushel, the
latter Off 2h acres of ground.
Our best yields this year were 107
acres of wheat, making Al bushels per
acre at $1.O0 per bushel, would be
$41.O0 per acre; Al acres Of oats, yield
ing 95 bushels per acre were sold for
80 cents per bushel. Proceeds $4T.O0
per acre.
I might add that so acres of u
oats were Stumbled in"
During tie spring Of 1906 we hired
about 300 acres broken by steam. We
put in and harvested 90 acres OF grain
last year, but did the remainder of our
breaking, worked up the ground and
seeded this years entire crop put in 7
acres Of alfalfa, and 5 acres of gar
den potatoes, trees, etc, all with one
four-horse team. During harvest we
hired other teams but, aside from this
and part of the breaking, the one team
did the work Of raising practically 49,
600 bushels of grain, worth $4,000.
Yours truly,
w. II. PAWSON, JR.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05
EVANS HAZES CAPTAIN
OF FIRST BATTLESHIP

Washington, Special: Rear Admiral
Evans likes to haze his battIeship
commanders some times and has a
way Of doing it that scares the off,
Ger new to command of a ship in his
feet.
Friends OF the captain Of a battle
ship now steaming north from Cape
Horn under Evans are telling of the
captains experiences under Fighting
Bob" This officer is an efficient man,
but he had been on shore duty for
a long time and had never been in
command Of a battleship. Lately he
was promoted to captain and it was
the happiest day OF his life when he
got orders TO take command of one
of the giant fighters about to start
for h Pacific.
The fleet a just got a comfortable
start from Hampton Roads when there
Yas vociferous signaling from the
flagship Connecticut to he battleship
under the charge of the new captain.
Those on the other warships who could
read the signals saw utterances that
looked something like this:
"Wha are you doing? Why don't
you keep in line?"
The new captain was doing his level
best n up to that time had been
very we'll pleased with himself. He
was just recovering from the shock Of
the first signals when others came that
were still more strenuous.
Don't you know how to command a
REip?" was the first ~interrogatory he
read. This was followed by some
choice objurgations on the way the
vessel was being run that nearly broke
the heart Of the commanding officer.
What panied him most was that he
was we'll aware every other battleship
commander must be cogniZant Of the
lacking up he was getting from "the
old man."
Tor the rest Of the trip to the next
point Of landing, h captain redoubIed
his efforts and stayed up nights to see
that nothing went wrong. When next
at anchor, h rear admiral on seeing
him. said:
Captain I want to congratulate YOU.
You're doing we'll and handling your
ship fine"
Il thought not, sir: judging from
those signals o sent me-" responded
the captain. greatly surprised at the
fluctuations Of his chief"
"Oh, h, man, you mustn't mind
that" roared the admiral, in great good
humor. Il have to cuss 'em out at
first. just to let 'em know I'm in
command. After that, we have no
trouble.
The new captain writes home that on
pulling up anchor at Rio and steaming
out Of tho harbor the flagship signalled
him: you're doing finely"
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05
The Eternal Lottery.
From Harper's Weekly.

4 Governor Vardaman, of Mississippi,
gtens an amusing instance Of the ne
Egro's attitude toward matrimony.
1 A darby clergyman in the. state
manned a married two negroes, and
after the ceremony the groom asked,
FIfow much yo' charge fo' dis?'
Il usually leave that to the groom"
S&as the reply. Sometimes i am paid
f&5, sometimes $40. sometimes less"
give dollahs is n lot o. money, pah-
SsOn," said the groom. "Ah'll give yo'
~, an den eff ah finds all aIn'ht got
sEheated, ah'n give yo' mo- in a mont
\ m the stipulated time the groom re-
1turRed. "Pahson," said he, dis here
arrangements a kind O. s~peclashun,
IAN ali reckon youse got de worst of It..
kAh figgers that yo' owes me q dollah
sahI u cents.i'
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05
Plays on Words as Well.

"Paderewski has a rare sense OF
humor," says M. A. p, land can Jest
in English as we'll as his own language.
He was introduced to a welr known
polo player, and the person who intro
duCed him remarked as he did so:
81 hope o two will be good friends.
for you are both leaders. Of your pro-
fessions, though they are. of course.
very different
"'Oh, not so very different replied
Paderewski smiling. My new friend
here is a ear soul who plays polo, and
1 am a dear Pole who plays solo,"
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05

kcine I despaired of being cured until 1
koegan taking Doan's Kidney Pills. Then
frelfef came quickly, and in a short time
81 was completely cured. j am now In
eexcenent health"
1 Sold by all dealers. 80 cents q box.
Foster Milburn Co. Buffalo. N. Y.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05

On the Danish island of Sjalland
there is an electric lighting system
which is driven by q windmill. The
wheel is 46 feet in diameter, and is
supported by a tower 43 feet high.
The area Of the blades exposed to the
wind is $40 square feet, ana with q
wind blowing at the rate of 20 feet a
second the mill will give Sc horse
power. The speed is Their "a reyolu-
tions a minute. Current is supplied to
37S incandescent and six arc lamps be-
sides several small motors.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05
Real staae Traaedy.

Manager--You think you could play
Hamlet? Go to-
T~ragedian (hissing)-S'death! You
sordid managers do but envy me fame.
Then, forsooth, swalling me just ram
cor and proper pride, may l bespeak a
minor part?
Manager-Too bad; you haven't
enough brains for Hamlet and you have
too much to be the skull.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05

Wcggles-There's lots OF automobile
talk nowadays.
Gcggles--Yes; there are three stages
OF auto talk.
Woggles-So.
Goggles-Yes. First you talk about
buying one; next you talk about run
ming one; lastly you talk about selling
It.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05
An 70 Luck.

First Pessimist-I wonder if any
body's as unIucky as I am. I never
have any luck at all
Second Pessimist-Huh. You're lucky.
It's better to never have any luck at
all than to be always having bad luck,
like me.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05

neys. Severe pains I'm
my back and hips be-
came constant, and
sharp twinges fol-
lowed any exertion.
The kidney secretions
were badly disor-
dered. l lost flesh
and grew too weak
to work. Though con-
Stantlv using madi.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05

The best security against chronic IN
health is Garfield Tea! 1t insures a
normal action of liver, kidneys, stomach
and bowels, Overcomes constipation and
puri6es the blood. 1.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05

Mrs. Flyer-But, Fred, you surely
don't consider yourself n financier.
Mr.. Flyer-Certainly l do. How do
o suppose I've kept from paying
YOU milliner's bills for so long If I'm
not a financier?
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05
Parliamentary.

Mr.. Jones-I am afraid your debating
society was not conducted according to
parliamentary rules. ~ r.
Sambo-'Deed 1t was. Pete Tambo
made a move wifi a razzer, an ! done
seconded de motion. ST.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05
Grown Wise.

Mrs. Brown-Is yoh husban' lookin'
fob work?
Mrs. Dark-Yes; he's done foun' out
dat it's less work to go out lookiu fob
work dan it is to stay home an chop
wood an carry water fob de wash
tubs.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05
Force of Habit,

Miss Doran Cn supper room at the
walters bal)-May l trouble you to get
me another cup OF coffee, Mr.. De
Fash?
Mr.. De Hash cher escort, forgetting
himself)-Cert! Draw one.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05
He Was Wise.

Mr.. Greeu-You're only a monthly
tenant and yet you told your wife you
had a two-year lease on the house.
Mr.. Wise-I detest moving.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05

Teacher (after reading the Charge
of the Light Brigade")-Who were the
600 referred to in the verse, into the
jaws of death rode the 600?"
Pupil guess they were dentists,
ma,am.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05
HER GOOD

After Years Spent i'm Vain Effort
Mrs. Mary Il. ii. Rouse, Of Cam
bridge, N. Y, says: give years ago I
had a bad fall and il affected nv kid.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05

links (near sighted)-I told her that
her eyes were like mirrors and she
got dead sore.
Blinks-No wonder? Couldn't you
see that she had a glass eye?
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05

Ibid you ever read de story of
George Washington, Moppy?"
"Naw. but Pll bet dis Teller Six-Fin-
gered Sans got i'm beat a mile"
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05

Judge (sharply)-Are you the defend
ant in this case?
Ramus-No, sub. I has q lawyer hired
ter do de defendin'. Ize de man dat
done stole de Articles.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05

We Sell Gums and Traps Cheap,
Buy Furs & Hides, or tan them for robes
d rugs. N w. Hide & Eur Co.. Minneapolis
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05
Deafness Cannot be Cured

by local applications, as they cannot reach
the diseased portion Of the ear. There Is
only one way to cure deafness, and that Is
caused by the infamed condition of the mu.
cous lining OF the Eustachian Tube. When
this tube is iniamed you have a rumbling
sound or imperfect hearing, and when it is
entirely closed, Deafness Is the result. and
unless the Inflammation can be taken out
and this tube restored TO Its normal condi.
ton, hearing will be destroyed forever nine
cases out Of ten are caused by Catarrh,
'Thich Is nothing but an infamed condition
II the mucous surfaces.
We will give One Hundred Dollars for any
case of Deafness (caused by Catarrh) that
cannot be cured by Halls Catarrh Cure.
Send for circulars, free.
3. J. CHENEY & CO., Toledo, o.
Sold by Druggists, 75c.
Take Halls Family Pills for constipation.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05
NerN True-

First Feminine Passenger-His face
seems very familiar.
Second Feminine Passenger-It' isn't
nalf so much so as his
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05

Only One '"BROMO QULrLINED
That Is LAXATIVE BRoMo oUININR Looh
for the signature of e. w. GROVE Used Che
World over to Cure q Cold In One day. Csc
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05

PILES CURED IN q TO IA DAYS.
PAZO OINTMENT Is guaranteed to cure any
case Of Itching, Blind, Bleeding or Protrud.
Ing Piles In 8 to IA days or money refunded
60c. a $3.50 'r.ua .y.- N.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05
Wise.

Wise.
Tsm-He catches 'em going and
coming.
Diek-What do you mean?
TOm-He la an icehouse in Florida
and q coa yard in Canada.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05
Winter Wheat 20 to 80 Bushels to
The Acre In Southern Alberta.

AHe acre IN southern Alberta.
Warner, Alta, Jan. 9th, 1908.
Dear Sir-This is tie first year Of
farming in this settlement. Mr.. A. l..
Warner raised twenty-five hundred and
fifteen bushels Of fine winter wheat on
one hundred acres Of breaking. and
Tenny Brothers had sixty acres that
went thirty bushels per acre. The
winter wheat that is in this year looks
fine.
Spring wheat here went thirty bush
els per acre; oats, fifty to eighty bar
ley, fifty, and fax ten to fifteen Cd sod.
The settlers here are all well pleased
with the country. The stock have not
required any feed except the grass up
to this date and are all fat.
VnTrc kp,,1u
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05
T. S. LEFFINGWELL

Information as to how to reach
these districts can be secured of any
agent Of the Canadian government,
whose advertisement appears else
where.-Ed.1
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1908-03-05
Kind az q namnar

Kind Of a Damper.
Aunt Samonthy-What are pool
rooms. Josiah? Is 1t where the city
folks battle?
Parke Roweler-Yes, auntie-er-that
Is, it's where they get soaked.
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1908-04-05
PROPOSALS FOR CITY PRINTING
FOR THE YEAR ENDING 1903.
Cairo, Ill, March IS. 1908.

Cairo, Ill, March IS, 1908.
Sealed proposals addressed to the
City Council of the City of Cairo. will
be received at the City Clerks office
mp to o'clock Tuesday. April Z.
1908, for doing the city printing for
the year 1903.
All bids must include the publishing
n some daily newspaper of all the
proceedings Of the City Council. all
Ordinances governing the city of
Cairo, all official notices of whatever
Kind required to be published by the
laws and ordinances of the City of
Cairo and all other official notices re-
1uired by the CITY Council or County
Court.
The type to be used is to be what
is known as s-point type. A bond in
the sum of Two Hundred $4,000 Dol
lars with approved security must ac-
company each bid.
The City Council reserves the right
10 reject any and all bids.
ERNEST WORKMAN.
City Comptroller.
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1908-04-05
FAvoRs REVIVAL OF pRuNgLLA.
Young Woman criticlses Material OF
the Present Day Shoe.

The young woman looked at her
feet thoughtfully Il WISH" she said,
that some new material for making
shoes could be invented or discov.
cred should not like to have 1t
made of wood pulp, because our for
ests are already too nearly wiped or
the earth, but wish it could be some
thing besides the skins of animals.
don't like to think about all that Kill.
ing Besides. shoes are not satisfac-
tory any more. The old French Rid
that | wore when was a child can
scarcely be found nowadays. Dealers
assure You that they are giving you
French kid, but 1t proves to be some
thing greatls inferior Calfskin--ahich
Is now usually called matt kid or
gun metal Kid wears we'll and looks
well, but Ii is 80 porous that 1t makes
the feet cold in winter and hot In
summer-lets in the atmosphere.
whatever its temperature may be, and
makes the feet suffer from 1t. The ma
tetial that Ia called vici kid is stiff.
loses its shape quickly and cracks and
peels In a very short time believe
some kind of cloth could be invented
which might serve. Our grandmoth-
ers used prunella They had smaller
and more shapely feet than We have.
too"
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1908-04-05
Stocks y BondsA Cereals
SLOW LIQUIDATION WHEAT WAS TAME
Was Suspcioned in Few Issues in
Stock Market Yesterday But
No inroads Resulted.

New York. April 1.-The stock mar
ket today did little more than mark
time in accordance with the evident
purpose to refrain from any extensive
commitments in the market until a
solution of the Erie problem is affect,
| ed and cleared up by formal announce
ment. No news was forthcoming on
that important topic during the day
but opinion was inclined to look for
an averdance of a receiVership. There
| little slow liquidation, especially cop
per securities, but support was accord
| ed the market and no serious in
roads on prices resulted. United
| States Steel was firm and the resist
ance Of this stock to pressure had
some sympathetic affect on the gen
eral list. improvements in trade
where discernable, is moderate, IN,
dustry is still curtailed, collections
are slow and the borrowing demand
for money in spite of easy rates, is
light. 1t is this last phase of the
situation that depriyes the evidence of
cash accumulation by banks of any
favorable influence. The late i'm
proyement in the prices of stocks to-
day followed the intlmation that the
bank statement might not show so
heavy a cash gain as predematory es-
Inmates had indicated. A good effect
was produced by the report of the
American Railway association of a
further reduction in the number of
idle freight cars, the total for March
rs falling 297097, a decrease of 1886
from previous estimate on March 4, |
and 46,175 from February 5, when
the number of idle cars reached a.
maximum. Rumors of an Erie settle
ment helped the late rally and firm
closing