davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
TWO WRONGS.
Savage Chief Was Sure They Made
One Rtoht

Savage Chief Was Sure They Made
One Right.
Mr.. N. resided for some years In
one Of the Fiji Islands and came to
have great influence with the natives,
and especially with the chief. One
morning widow came to him in great
trouble; during the night the chief
had stolen her pig. Would he try to
get it back for her? She was quite
sure the chief had stolen It, for she
had seen 1t on his premises.
Mr.. N. felt that a great wrong had
been done, and he determined to rec
tify it, If he could possibly do so, at
once.
Going to the chief and telling the
poor woman's story, Mr.. N. added:
III 1t is true, you have done a very
shameful thing and ought to send the
pig back at once"
But" exclaimed the chief, "some-
body stole mine two nights ago!"
what of that?" rsclisd MFR. N. 1.-TWO
wrongs don't make cue right"
eyes they d." SID the chief.
"How do you make that out?" asked
Mr.. N.
Why" replied the chief, "when
mine was stolen was wrong; Invent
and took that woman's-now I'm
right"
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
How to Get a Coed Complexion

T7OW 70 00I u 0OCO OOInpIoXIOOs
Senator Flint of California has a
complexion that many a pretty girl
might envy, and his general appear
ance of vigorous health is matter
of frequent comment. His residence
in the salubrious atmosphere of Cali.
fornia was put down as the cause Of
his ruddy appearance and sturdy we'll
being until few nights ago, when a
newspaper man who wanted to ask
the senator question of more or less
Importance called him up at his home
about 10 o'clock.
He was informed that the senator
had retired; moreover, the informa.
ton was vouchsafed that the senator
had retired at 9 o'clock; that he al
ways retired at that hour, and that
he could not be awakened under any
circumstances.
So now everybody who wants com.
plexion like the senator knows how
to achieve It.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
Dreams and Nightmares.

Many of our commonest dreams are
occasioned by bodily conditions or
surroundings. Loosened sheets at the
foot Of the bed on cold night soon
deposit sleeper's feet in rivers or
snow banks, just as second helping
at dinner or tendency to lie on ones
back in bed readily conjures up whole
legions of spooks.
Certain evidence on this point was
collected in DR.. G. Stanley Halls psy.
Geological laboratory at Clark univer.
sity from personal testimony. From
this it would appear that children
prefer animals for their nightmares,
whereas adults incline toward bur-
glars. jailers and the like.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
THE TALE OF CONNOLLY.
The Man Who Was a Martyr for tho
Sake Of His Beer.

The Man Who Was Martyr for the
Sake Of His Beer.
Among the many escapades ashore
there is the one that canonized Con.
nelly martyr.
Doing garrison duty in the yard,
consuming thirst drove gang Of US
out in search of beer, since water
was deadly, and we were scurrying
back with our prize, under the first
darkness Of the night, an officer dis.
covered us and called, HALT" Too
well we knew what the obeying of that
order would bring us, and, realizing
that we were not to be recognized.
took to our legs. To our astonish-
ment the valiant officer fired two shots
after us. One of them hit Connolly
in the leg, and that's what made him
a martyr. It was nasty wound. His
shipmates dressed it and antiseptical-
ly bandaged it. They performed all
of his tasks that it is possible for
one man to do for another, and, al
though at times the fellow suffered
intensely, he was always at muster,
ana never Win telltale limp.
The other side of the page is this:
The officer who fired at us followed
far enough to find trail of blood on
the cement pavement. Then, going
out to the ship, he warned them in
the sick bay and dispensary to look
out for man who would come in to
report shot in the leg. Unquestion-
ably he felt valorous until Admiral
Dewey got after him. I hear he
roasted him brown. Would you shoot
your own men in time Of warp he
asked, and then showed him the
chances he was taking, for these are
the days when every man, frun! the
admiral down, wears a 38-cxliber
Colts revolver at his side.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
MIsTLEToE PoIsoNs TREES.
A Crusade Organized In Texas 20
Eradicate the Pest.

A Crusade Organized In Texas 70
Eradicate the Pest.
The alarming destruction of Texas
trees through the agency of the poi.
sonoas mistletoe has induced M. B.
Davis, secretary of the Texas Audi.
bon society, to sound a warning to
those interested in trees to destroy
the mistletoe before it in turn denudes
the state Of it's forests.
EVERY municipality in Texas is af.
flicted with the pest land it has been
stated by an authority that the life
of tree when thoroughly inoculated
with mistletoe poison will terminate
in about seven years." says Mr.. Davis.
1T is carried from uue tree to another
by certain birds feeding on the Der.
ries, and wherever it finds Judgement
on trees susceptible to it's deadly para
site growth it's blight proves fatal in
time unless heroic treatment is ap.
piled. At this season while the ever
green parasite is clearly discernible
upon the bare boughs the work should
be done.
"The Texas mistletoe (Phoradedron
flavescens) differs materially from it's
kindred parasite evergreen of Europe
(Viscum album) held in veneration by
the Druids, which is kept in check in
the Old World but cultivated to some
extent for winter decoration. The
variety in the cotton states is far
more pernicious, and must be wholly
exterminated or the trees will all per-
ish from it's baleful blight. Any one
may observe from car windows that
entire forests are being killed by mis-.
tletoe.
ut is beautiful but horrible para
site, and can only be destroyed finally
by cutting off the entire bough on
which it's growth appears. The hack.
berry, which is popular in the cities as
a shade tree, is one of the favorites Of
these poisonous parasites and in near
ly every city in this state where hack
berry trees ha~a been planted about
Is per cent of thea. have already died
from mistletoe poison"
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
The Meaning Of "Mutf."

The record of the fact that muffs
were once worn by more men than
women in Paris suggests the old in
genious definition of muff. as "a soft
thing that holds lady's hand without
squeezing it." "Muff" appears to have
come to us from German. in which
language, curiously "muff" means not
only a hand comforter, but also a
sulky person or growing dog. These
seem, however, to be two different
words. Was our own metaphorical
"muf" an allusion to the efflminacy
of muff wearers or simply an intima.
ton that the person was distinctly
"soft?"
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
Jews and Temperance.

Excepting those whose business in.
terests are affected, directly or indi-
rectly, by prohibitory legislation, Jews
as such, have little concern with the
temperance" war now being waged
so fiercely in the South and Middle
West. Jews, almost without excep-
ton, keep sober even when liquor is
accessible. They need no sumptuary
laws, and are on principle opposed to
their enactment as invasions of per-
sonal rights and as establishing q
dangerous precedent for un-American
LEGISLATION.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
He Left the House.

While lady was feeding hungry
tramp the other day she discovered
he was pocketing her silver spoons.
Opening the door, she exclaimed:
drop those spoons, you scoundrel,
and leave the housed"
But, madam
Leave the house, say!" screamed
the Infatuated woman. Leave the
house,"
Il 60, madam" said the tramp, as
he reached the front gate, never to
return; but, before go, would like
to say that I did not intend to take
your house."
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
ART ON THE SAFE DOOR.
Why Should There Be a Rural Scene
Painted on the stronqbox?

Why Should There Be Rural Scene
Painted on the stronghold?
II wonder If any one can tell mo
why 1t is customary to paint on the
front door of safe some sort of ru-
raj scene?" he asked as he left the
business Office. Almost all safes have
lake with a couple Of trees in the
background, or else a field with
stake and rider fence emblazoned on
the door.
Perhaps it is to give the idea that
peace and quiet of She country type
are to be found within the safe. Thers
may be some idea Of soothing the
mind of the beholder doub'5. Just
where the custom started l do not
know and what the significance is
also is unknown to ma"
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
Continents Of the World.

Geoeraphers usually recognize as
continents Eurasia Comprising Eu.
rope and Asia), Africa, Australia,
North America and South America:
the two great Americans, however,
are sometimes grouped as a single
continent, although such a classical
ton is hardly justifiable unless Africa
be included with the Eurasian CONT.
nent. A sixth continent may be rep.
resented by the land areas in the An.
tarctic region.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
Rose Blooms as He WEEDS.

A singular circumstance has Just
come to light concerning the mar.
riage of William Dorgon and Miss Ma.
bel Shafer. Previous to leaving the
home of the bride Miss Katherine
Murphy, who is cousin of the bride.
groom, and attended the wedding as
bridesmaid, pinned a beautiful rose.
bud on the coat lapel of Mr.. Dorgon.
During the ceremonies at the church
the bud expanded into beautiful full.
blown rose.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
Luck,

Luck.
Il suppose you wouldn't part with
this dear old farmhouse for anything"
said the enthusiastic girl.
NO." answered Farmer Corntossel.
don't expect to"
'You regard it as kind Of mascot,
don't you?"
"Well, the fellow that managed to
sell 1t to my father was pretty lucky"
Washington Star.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
A 1eIephone.

Mrs. Annie McElroy Brett, West
ern Texas woman promoter, is the
telephone queen of the Southwest.
She is president of the Southern In.
dependent Telephone and Telegraph
company and president and general
manager of the Brett Construction,
Telephone and Telegraph company.
These companies, representing more
than $4,000, were organized by her.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
Better Results Possible.

Two Irishmen were passing nv n
jewelers. store that had a lot Of unset
precious stones in the window. They
stopped and looked at them, when Pat
said to Mike:
"How would you like to have your
pick?"
NO." said Mike, II would rather
have me hovel."-Judge's Library.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
Snakes Ears.

Snakes have no eternal ears, but in
side the head the ear bones are very
crude. Snakes hear" however. by
feeling vibration of sound on their
delicate scaly covering, and searching
for sound vibrations by protruding
the wonderfully sensitive tongue
which is filled with thousands of mi.
croscopic nerves. Their sight is very
keen in distinguishing moving objects.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
Worries Of Modern Life.

Nowadays we must not drink spir.
its nor eat meat; we must not smoke:
the air of cities is poisonous, the air
of the country too strong; the light
ruins our eyes and the noise racks our
nerve; shaking hands Is means Of
collecting microbes and kissing is
pure suicide. Life is indeed growing
dull and difficult.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
Always the Same.

Professor Coming home from his
club holding up triumphantly his UNI.
brella to his wife)-You see, my dear
Alma, how stupid are all the anec.
dotes about our Observation-Disclosures:
you see, haven't forgotten my UNI.
brella.
Mrs. Professor-But, my dear, you
didn't take your umbrella with YOU:
you left it at home"
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
aidlnu Her Time.

A Boston child not yet in. her teens
and unusually precocious, with excep.
tional penetration, asked her mother
the other day: "How long, mother.
will it be before get old enough for
you to say that am nervous and not
naughty when do so and 500"
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
Bio Trout for Vermont.

DR.. O. w. Daley Of White River
Junction holds the record for fishing
in this vicinity, having caught a lake
trout in Lake Caspian, at Greensboro
weighing twenty-one pounds and
halt.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03

nDf - iiD1p~ -
"Money Isn't everything"
"You bet 1t amt. We've got the
money now to stay away more'n two
weeks this summer. but hev we got tho
strength an health?"
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
Forebodings.

Forebodtngs.
1T looks now as if we may stay
home this summer"
'Oh, some money will come in when
you least expect it and make it posi-
BILE for you to 60 away"
yes. th2t's what I'm afraid Of"
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
What Would BE Harda,

What Would BE Harder.
Do Style-They have moving pictures
Of Taft now.
Gumbusta-1t would be more won.
derful If they could get a picture OF
him not moving.-TIarpers Weekly.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
A Sad Jolt.

HE offers Freshwater college a mil,
lion for dormitory. provided we give
up" ~
"Football, oh? Wen do it,"
''No; an equal amount: the old
story"
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03

Mr.. Henpeck-All artists say that
five feet five inches is the divine
height for women.
Mrs. Henpeck-I am five feet eight
inches.
Mr.. Henpeck-You are more than
divine.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
A. D. 1000.

A. D. 1000.
Whats this, a prtra!tive loom?"
Great curio. Portable derrick; year
1908. They were used for removing
Women's hats"
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
Punishment.

DO you think people should be pun
ished for gambling at the races?"
"A lot Of them are by having their
money taken away from Them
Washington Star.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03

Endless Transformations.
Gentle Spring is very pretty
DANA"
But who are the stars?"
1.-THE scene shifters, should say
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
Not Edibi,

Not Edible.
mo; our landlady never serves
planked shad."
'Why not?"
Cant bear to see the plank 70 to
waste"
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
Ingenius.

Ingenius.
link Is smart man. Takes a smart
man to do his work."
"So?"
Eyes; I'm going to succeed him when
he gets promoted"
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03

I doesn't quite see why OF Satin IL
lowed to be boss an have such an
easy time of it.
Dat ain no easy time. Look at some
o de people we knows dat he'll halter
'sociate wit.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
Horns Of a Dilemma.

0VTUS OF a OIISnFnas
Life" said the suburbanite, has its
problems for a mild man.
"As to how?'
IT we raise hens, they scratch up the
neighbors' flowers; and If we raise
flowers, they offer temptation to the
neighbors' hens"
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
Well Rehearsed.

Well Rehearsed.
sour minister practices what he
breaches"
''That accounts for his easy flowing
delivery"
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
Fanfare.

what do they mean by fanfare7''
inquired tho circus enthusiast.
Peanuts and pop" answered the
baseball fiend.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
Hint 70 hunnorlst,.

Yew can't beoum Josh Billings
thru poar spellin. nor a George AIDE by
Using Lots Of Capitals.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
In 4 sea.eoino Cab.

you say I had been drinkinR?"
We'll, you were riding around In a
hack with sailor
But had been drinkinx?"
well, you were ordering him to 90
0loft and furl SAIL"
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
Disappointed?

"Wimmin are always diggin' up the
neighborhood gossip, amt they?" in
CURED the unmarried one.
my wife don't never seem to dig up
any" replied the married one in a very
disconsolate tone.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
The Difference.

"Our baby gives us lots of trouble.
Yells unless he has his own way"
"Ours ye!ls anyhow. You don't
know what trouble ISL
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
RISING Generation

Master-You want large wages for
q boy who's had no experience.
Boy-Well, amt it harder for men
when don't know how-London Opin-
ion.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
~ 9ha wAra

II She Were,
Mother Nature is, by jing,
In a kindly mood.
Seems peculiar to find spring
Acting as it should.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
Confidence In the Press.

Confidence In the Press.
MY wife often asks me to see what
the paper says about the weather, even
whom It's pouring outside
"Woll?"
Shed rather believe the paper than
her own eyes,"
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
Same but Different

same but Different.
Genius must ever walk alone"
sighed the poet.
you mean that genius. alone, must
ever walk" chuckled tho magnate az
he whizzed by in his automobile.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
cranped.

Cramped.
TITS an extensive scheme. Let me
unfold it."
Better adjourn to the street. No
COON TO u01old ANYTHING in this fat.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
PrattIe Of the Parri.

PrattIo Of the Parri.
Sunday School Teacher-aow many
animals went into the ark. Nellie?
Little Nellie-Two Of every kind. ex.
cept Noah and his folks.
Visitor-Well. Carrie. what do you
think of your new baby brother?
Carrie Gagged four)-Oh. don't think
much of him. Why, he can't even
speak English yet
Small Elmer was deeply interested in
an illustrated book of anatomy.
Mamma" he said, pointing to one
OF the co!ored Plates "this shows where
a mans liver is, but where's his
bacon?"-Chicago News.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03

Miss Peril believe in calling q
spade spade.
Chappeigh-sure. It would be
widiculous, you know, to call It q
heart, club or diamond.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
Got an OPENING.

I've got a note to meet next week
and I'm afraid I won't have the where
withal'
well, don't borrow trouble"
mo; what want to borrow il q lit.
tie money. Could spare five"
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-07-03
Interested In Finance.

Interested In Finance.
"Got penny?"
Nope"
Neither have I; and want to buy a
paper and look over the financial
news"
Willmar tribune., 1908-01-29

George Johnson made a business
trip to St. Cloud last week.
John Schroeder returned last
week from a visit with relatives in
Iowa.
Miss Branley, teacher in the
Georgeville school, visited with
friends in Eden Valley over Satur-
day and Sunday.
Ina Iverson is working for Peter
Quisberg at Georgeville.
Mrs. Zwikey and daughter Agnes
visited at Peter Johnson's home last
week.
The Bethania Ladies Aid society
will meet with Mrs. 7. z. Newgord
Feb. 6.
Those from here who took in the
"Lyceum Stars concert at New
London last Friday evening report
a very enjoyable time.
John Halvorson, the hustline
clerk at johnson & Peterson S hard
ware store in New London, wa.
around here selling cream separat
ors last week. We understand Ottt
1verson has invested in a Sharples
separator and finds it to be o. X.
Willmar tribune., 1908-01-29
1;z$ n6F S;;; - ==A3NILLMAR7 7'HfGf]
|s%sa ;Ss}'!Si!! S;;' h! ~! !If4zsc h09H

Last Friday afternoon an excel
lent literary and musical program
was given in the assembly room.
1t was opened with a song by the
Boys Glee Club, which was obliged
to respond with an encore. The next
number was the debate on the
League subject, announced last
week. The debaters were Oswald
Grangaard, Hazel Lien and Gustav
Thunsteht on the affirmative and
John Styles, Annie Fridlund and
Fred johnson on the negative.
Both sides did splendidly and the
decision was in doubt to the very
end. The affirmative finally won
by vote Of two to one. This was
followed by an interesting essay by
Alyda Danens, we'll rendered.; a
violin solo by Nettie NARROW and
an amusing recitation by Amy Mel
son. The next number was a dia-
log, based on Longfellow's Court
ship of Miles Standish, - in which
Roy Cramer took the part of Miles
Standish and Harold Nelson that of
John Alden. John Styles followed
with humorous parody on Miles
Standish in Swedish dialect, which
brought down the house. The pro-
gram closed with piano duet by
Winnie Rogers and Ethel Govig.
Monday morning the school en-
joyed a talk from Mr.. Shakely,
formerly superintendent of schools
at Des Moines, Iowa, but now trav-
cling representative for a large
text book company.
This is the Seniors busy week.
Next Saturday night they have
their class play and in addition to
practising for this they have their
quizzes this week. Yesterday they
had quizzes in English and Virgil
and today one in physics.
The Seniors have received invita-
tions to a reception to be given by
the Sophomores at the Elks' club
rooms after the class play next Sat-
urday night.
The water pipes at the High
school building have frozen up, and
as a result the janintor has been
having an unusually pleasant time.
Water for the laboratory and the
boiler of the heating plant has to
be carried from the neighboring
pumps.
Leonard Larson visited at his
home at Spicer over Sunday:
The Seniors had class meeting
last Monday night to arrange the
details of their class play.
1t is rumored that the Juniors
have invested in crate Of lemons
for use at the Senior class play.
Willmar tribune., 1908-01-29
Monday Afternoon Club.

The Monday Afternoon Club will
meet at the home of Mrs. j. NJ.
Spicer on Monday, Feb. 3. Chap
ters V and VI Of Paraguay will be
the advance history lesson, and Mrs.
Mantor, who was prevented from
giving her magazine review at the
last meeting, will report at that
time. The club is requested also to
find what biblical character with
his two sons, LOTUS and his sons re-
minded one Of. AS suggestion,
consult the first book of Samuel.
Mrs. Porter gave very interest,"
ing review, at the last meeting held
with Mrs. Hornbeck Jan. 20, on
"New Problems of Great Cities, -
in the February number of ''The
Technical World,' dealing with the
limited space for increased popula.
tion, the transportation problem,
water supply as regards purity anc
quantity, provision for fresh air
and the protection of life and prop
erty against tire-any one of which
is indeed a weighty matter.