davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-10-20
MISFIT OCCUPATIONS

Half uncongenial occupations
Servant girls trying school, teachers
cerking in stores
Good butchers augherng while
down good farms good
Artists spreading daubs
washing doubt
II they only knew 1t, paint masterpieces.
Good mechanics
their congregations continue failing
merchants.
II do not forbid bishop young clergy
man, but nature does Notwithstanding he breaches
not advanced is safe bet that occupations and
thought
TO hold their jobs.
There deserved advancement in
has first developed capabity for the higher
wish apt to be weak with
work
Clerks who hate the
los who hate their TOOLS bookkeepers
ures make large proportion of the
nineteenth Of the failures life.
and ambition In his work failure start
Few of free choose think
not which thing Circumstance decides
for most because they are its slaves
after.
For the young man, her
work two courses Either
value life happiness your self respect
don't continue In work that detes
For is doing we whatever it is that makes labor
sweet and life worth WHILE
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-10-20
REAPINC THE WILD OATS

you imagine happen pointed
out a crowded street and a voice cried loudly:
white hot and out both the
eyes his old baby boy"
Suppose hing-with a whitehot There
would raised ask he escaped rope at the
hands mob be the judge and jury would see to it
that he the limit of punishment allowed by law.
Away back when the world human beings toied
patiently the first
things attempted was to throw the saguad of social convention
religion superstition about the marriage relation
Chastity in woman became as vital to her as member OF CIV
flied society life itself
accepted just
million times defended her chastity at the cost of her life
having the self evident proposition that the
life of the human the ancy of marriage and
the participants himself be higher
than the other anmas-no longer beast but man.
Then rejected his wisdom permitted himself and
his son to relapse to the level of the beast while insisting that his
wife and his daughter they valued their lives maintain the high
position that reason and intelligence pointed out
a mixture of think
ing creature and brute His developed mind thought out and
the instincts of him his conduct
The folks the decree of chastity and
the king
forced economy and prudence upon his he permitted
his soand in many cases the great general OF early history
the drunkard.
ed the nexcusabe cloak for the naked truth
cowardly buster to hide conduct
Sowing wild and acceptable in the state of
soes In nen was coined Du 1T as muTh Out aa now
know about now is Reaping Wild Oats
Whose what right such harvest
for innocent reaper And what that harvest? Listen
whose
little
their fathers wild
Two of three of the who lie the surgeons
knife husbands
wild
One half the homes which babys voice will be heard
sterile the husbands
Countless thousands
the toll of fathers wild
Millions of babies of boys and girls youths and madens men
and through life sck sic miserable unsound body
and mnd-and they reaping their fathers wild oats
Ohio! We mustn't talk about such things in public? Well then
let be things talked
about the
OATS These things be realize
A pure girl by right deserves
No must have his fling
his future wife's health of his babys
talk of it, Think baby cropping IN eternal
darkness of the blind; think
altar of think of the of
then whether the subject is discuss?
Does the father ask if his daughters
port her? Does he ask his
hood? Then why ashland insist knowingif body
clean If he reeks the deadly of
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-10-20
THE LOST KEYS.

1t was Christmas. left my lodg-
ings and turned my steps toward
a restaurant. The snow fell silently
in heavy, moist flakes and my feet
sank in it as in Persian carpet.
Suddenly one of them encountered
a hard, metallic object. l heard a
slight clicking sound, bent down
and picked up pair of keys fast
ened together by a chain.
who could have lost these
keys?" l asked myself rather alb
sent mindedly.
All! a short distance ahead of me
two girls were walking leisurely
along and chatting gayly. One of
them must have then lost the keys.
Hastily l overlook them and asked:
Have you lost your keys?"
The first of them, after momen-
tary CONSERVATION, opened her
hand and exhibited a pair similar
to those I had found. The second
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-10-20
May See, May Kill, or May Be Devoured
BY, Next Year

ASK me no more, Edwin"
eff a chilly freeze is a freely
chill, isn't monkey wrench n
wrenchy monk?"
Now, my child"
IF dog biscuit Is biscuit eaten
by dog. is horse pistol pistol
eaten by a horse?"
go away! Go, l tell you!"
And If kidney stew is a stew
of kidneys, is a horse car car of
horses?"
"I'll call your father to you if"
"And II a well make skirt is a
skirt made well. Is court house
bug a bug house court?"
mo, / tell YOU"
"And If shoe horn makes shoe
go on fast, does an automobile horn
make an automobile go on fast?"
But after this. NAV" demon
strated to Edwin that whipping
finish Is sometimes finishing
whip.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-10-20
INQUISITIVE EDWIN

"Ain't our language funny,
maw?"
mo. my son. 1t is not a laughing
matter"
whats a laughing matter,
maw?"
"A matter for laughing"
"Then is laughing jackass a
iackass FOR laughing?"
mo, although running brook Is
a brook running"
"Then a running track is track
running, isn't it,"
"No, no, no."
SIS a helping work a work that
helps?"
81 should think So"
"Then is a bathing beach beach
that bathes?"
Edwin. /"
"And If a duckling is a young
duck. is a sapling young sap?"
"My boy, you--"
"And If a potato masher mashes
potatoes. does peanut butter butt
peanuts?"
Hush, / am reading Hide
garde's Humiliation. or Her False
Teeth Fell Into Her Plate of Soup
When the Baron Begged Her But to
Smile Don't bother me-"
But NAV, is a sinking bark a
barking sink?"
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-10-20

Clam Broth.

Take three dozen fresh hard
shelled clans and scrub and rinse
thoroughly. Place in kettle with
a cupful Of cold water, cover the
kettle close and cook until the shell
is open. Then strain the liquor
through a double cheese cloth or
pour off the broth from the sedi-
ment. Save the clam meat to use in
other ways. When dinner is almost
ready take pint of the strained
liquor, reheat and mix with an
equal quantity of scalding hot milk
and cup Of stiffly whipped cream.
Season with pepper and serve in
cups. Butter may be added If de-
sired,
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-10-20
frKZ[E LOST MEMlG

searched anXiOusly and long
through the folds of her skirt and
finally brought to light q second
key. 81
Neither the one nor the, other of
them then had lost these keys.
l gazed up and down the snow
covered street. Not a soul was to
be seen.
Il will leave the keys at the
police station down the street" l
said to the girls. Perhaps the
owner will go and look for them
there"
No sooner said than done. The
sergeant on duty took the keys
very reluctantly. eve have already
a mountain of keys which have
been picked up from time to time
in the Streets" he said. THE losers
of keys never think of calling
here"
However, left the keys with
him, saying to mlself that this put
an end to my connection with the
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-10-20
SALADS ARE TONICS---HERE
ARE SOME GOOD RECIPES

of prepared mustard, one teaspoon
full of chopped mint or parsley, one
teaspoonful Of Harley sauce, one
tablespoonful of celery seed, one
tablespoonful of catsup or horse
radish or chopped chives. But avoid
using too many flavorings at one
time.
This is a good recipe for dinner
salad:
Six small tomatoes; cream
cheese, three tablespoonfuls;
chopped parsley, one. tablespoon
full; salt, one-fourth teaspoonful; a
dash of white pepper and six olives
stoned and chopped.
The tomatoes are pared, small
quantity of the pulp scooped out,
and the inside sprinkled with salt
Then they are inverted and put in
a refrigerator till chilled thor
oughly.
All of the other ingredients are
mixed we'll together and filled into
the scooped out tomatoes. placed
on a bed of watercress and topped
off with bit of jelly. Dressing
enough to noisten is then poured
over each.
French dressing over canned veg.
etables makes a good winter salad
If fresh vegetables are not pro.
ezra hle
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-10-20

Events more swift in Skiddoo's
Colossal Carnival Co.
I've been doing 16 performances
a day as ''Desdemona the Decapi-
tated Lady," and between times.
light housekeeping with my chum,
Queen Victoria of the Royal Tin
gari Troupe of Roumanian Fortune
Tellers," and keeping up a mild
filtration with Mr.. Groggles, the viii
lage grocer. This last has not
made hit with certain rural
nymph named Sal Smart, who used
to be all the candy with Mr.. Grog-
giles. She's been round the street
fair a whole lot. and has got wise
to his would be double life as a
side show Johnny.
All this made me forget to write
home and tell them how ! was. and
what doing. So 1t gave me quite o
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-10-20
AN ECONOMICAL FEATURE.

Biffkins-What are you going to
name your new baby?
Thudkins-Salome.
Biffkins-What's the object OF
that?
Thudkins-So 1t won't need much
to dress her.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-10-20

incident. l was bit too previous.
Being bachelor without relatives
| felt the isolation of this festive
evening more keenly thar at any
other time. This was the reason,
perhaps, why | started Illuminating
on this Ike yaffair, and constructing
around it sort of romance, of
which |, of course, was the hero.
What If you turned back to the
spot where YOU found those keys?"
| unused to myself. Perhaps a
pretty woman would arrive breath
lessly seeking them. She had the
Christmas table laid out and was
awaiting her husband who was
, bringing a number of friends back
with him to joi min the joyous
feast. She ran out to fetch some
thing from the bakers, lost her
keys and could not get into the
house again. She is in despair.
You arrive on the scene like a res
cuing angel and hand over the
keys. Her gratitude knows no
bounds. She invites you to the
dinner. There you meet very
! handsome, refined, cultured and
rich young lady, who straiht off
falls in love with you. You return
her love, and so on
While these thoughts flew
through my mind, was retracing
my steps to the spot where l
picked up the keys. For fifteen
minutes-a quarter of an hour-a
half hour-an hour, l paced up and
down there like sentinel. But the
lady did not put in an appearance.
Disguised, | ran all the way to
my restaurant, which was still a
good distance off, in order that |
would not have to content myself
with the leavings of the evenings
bill of fare. Even during the din
ner | could not put the keys out OF
my mind mean, not SO much the
keys as the lovely and wealthy
maiden that frequented the table
of their owner. During this agree
able dream, I closed my eyes and
must have at last fallen asleep, for
suddenly a voice brought me back
with a start to the reality of things.
"Mr. Johnson, it is IL o'clock.
The last car is at the door. Hurry
~, xrD,, will ,,icc ifS'
l raised my head, grasped the
situation and at the same time my
overcoat, rushed to the door and
soon found myself before my lodg-
ing house. was shivering with
the cold and had to wait long
time before the janitor opened the
entrance door, which had been
closed at midnight. Hurriedly ]
climbed the four flights of stairs
which stood between me and my
room, for | was anxious to tumble
into bed at once. | CROPPED in my
pocket for my keys. My hand en-
| countered a hole!
Heavens" flashed the horrible
suspicion through my brain, you
found your own keys"
1t was only too true. They had
slipped out Of the crevice in my
pocket and had fallen on the toe Of
my shoe with that click which had
attracted my attention.
| will never forget the malicious
twinkle in the eyes of the police
men who were assembled In the
station house when l called there
for my keys at 2 in the morning
after Christmas.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-10-20

jolt when l saw an elderly party
roaming through the Midway
crowds today. The elderly part
was pa. 1t was a cinch he was
looking for me. 1t had me going,
and l asked Mr.. GrOggles as a
friend, to find him and keep him
away from the booth till after |
went on with my act, and then I'd
hunt up pa at the hotel. Did Mr..
Groggles act with wisdom? He did
not. He sent Sal Smart to do it..
so he'd get rid of her. Mr.. Grog-
giles wanted 70 see me perform just
once more.
That's how 1t happened, when
the little tinseled curtain went up.
that the decapitated lady was took
with spasm on her face like she'd
just stepped on a tack.
Pa was In the audience!
ITO be continued)
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-10-20
BY DOROTHY DALE.

Salads make people younger. The
vivacity of the French is largely
due to salad eating. Salads are bet
ter tonics and blood purifiers than
drugs. They are antidotes for rich
pastries.
A fine recipe for French dress
ing:
Olive or peanut oil. six table.
spoonfuls. Lemon juice or vinegar,
two or more tablespoonful. Salt,
one-half teaspoonful. Paprika, one
fourth teaspoonful, and onion
junce, one teaspoonful.
To prepare, put the salt and pap.
rika in mixing bowl with a small
piece of ice, and add the oil little
at a time, stirring constantly and
rapidly. Then the acid is added In
the same manner, till the mixture
thickens. Then the onion juice is
put in.
This dressing should be served at
once, over fresh, crisp vegetables
Variations to suit the taste may be
made in the following ways:
Use one tablespoonful of claret
and the same of lemon juice or
vinegar.
Rub down bowl with close or
garlic and add one-half teaspoonful
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-10-20
DO YOU THINK OF THIS?

People all over the country who
have used our coal are writing us
that it is the best coal that they
have ever used and are ordering
their winters supply now from us.
Better try some Owl Creek coal.
The Standard Fuel & Ice Co.
Phone Main sos. "**
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-10-20
THE LOGICAL DESTINY.

Gother-Why. Sammy. how have
you the heart to shove your little
Brother into the gutter because he
was In your way? Don't you know
what becomes OF little boys who
IRE inconsiderate Of the rights OF
etherwf
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-10-20

The girl with the intellectual
brow or a fair share of youthful
beauty can afford to draw her hair
back In loose waves, sans pompa-
dour or parts, and coil 1t on the
neck.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-10-20

Side glancing eyes are always to
be distrusted.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-10-20

Sammy-Sure, ma; they become
automobilists.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-10-20


Miranda, I want to ask you to
marry me, and to tell me-"
ooh, George, this is SO sudden!"
ITO tell me what date you and
your mother have decided upon for
our wedding"
What a fine lot of jaw breakers
the Balkan fracas will make for the
cable operators.
In 1904 Illinois-in doubtful COL
umn this year-gave Roosevelt
632,645 votes, and Parker 327,606.
In 1900 Illinois gave Mckinley
597,9S5 and Bryan 5O3,061.
Mora, l must object to you hav-
ing company in the kitchen"
Sure, mum, the parlor's always
occupied"
First bank was started 1900 years
ago, in the time of Abraham, at
Nineyeh,
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-10-20

Brown eyes are said by ocuIists
to be the weakest.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-10-20

Even Jonah's whale could not
keep a good man down.
The Hudson terminal building,
New York, contains $50 miles of
telephone wire.
It's good bet that Duke
d Abruzzi will not interfere with
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-10-20

Queen Margherita riding on Will
bur Wright's aeroplane, as she de-
sires to do.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-10-20

Knights and Ladies' OF Security
will pay their dues at the Office
of Samuel T. Crane, attorney at
law, 40 Columbia building.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-10-20
THUGS MAULED HIM.

Dominick Chiry, an Italian la.
borer, was found wandering help
lessly on Monroe street last night
by Merchants Police Anderson and
brought to the emergency hospital.
His face was badly battered and
he told the police that thugS Who
held him up for $54 beat him with
a club when he showed fight. He
was unable to describe the men.
The holdup occurred on Monroe
near the railroad about 10 o'clock.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1908-10-20

DECAPITATED LADY WAS TOOK WITH A SPASM ON HER
FACE STEPPED ON A TACK" %
The Holly chieftain., 1908-11-27

A..ep In Little italy.

A schoolteacher in the Italian
quarter of an American city told
her children the story of the fox
and the grapes. Tony was especial
ly delighted with the story and
eagerly sought his chum, Joe, who
was in another class. By good luck
the teacher overheard Tony's YER
sion.
In his excited, broken English he
told the fable much as it is written
until he came to the end. This was
his rendering of the climax:
"De olda fox he say: Da grape no
good anyhow; ALA sour! l guess l
60 geta de banan'v"
The Holly chieftain., 1908-11-27
Only . Secondary Matter.

"Yes," said the atfable theatrical
manager, ''our next production is
to be something really wonderful in
the way of comic opera.
Got something new" asked the
interviewer.
eyes, indeed. | have engaged
Drillem Daily, the famous stage
manager, to devise the evolutions
and groupings Of the chorus. have
retained Cuttan FIFTEEN. the cele-
brated costumer, to plan and pre-
pare the garments worn by the
principals and the chorus, and l
have engaged Redden Ialler. the
renowned scenic artist, to execute
the stage settings. Can you beat
that?"
"But who are to write the music
and the libretto?"
'Pooh! Haven't had time to
think about that vet"
The Holly chieftain., 1908-11-27
Letting Him on Easx.

Before | agree to undertake
your defense,' said the eminent
criminal lawyer who had been called
in, you will have to be perfectly
frank with me and tell me the
whole truth. Did you embezzle the
100000 you are accused Of having
taken ?"
eyes, sir" replied the accused
man. I'll not attempt to conceal
the fact from you. l stole every
penny OF it."
"How much of it have you left p
"It's all gone but about fl0."
"Young man." said the eminent
lawyer, putting on his gloves,
"you'd better plead guilty and
throw yourself on the mercy of the
court"
an do it if you say so. sir.
What are you going to charge me
for the advice?"
"Ten pounds. London King.
Iney nave ied the light for better san
itation and In many localities are II
potent for for honesty in munitlpal
affairs. But as yet they have NOT
taken up the protection Of the life Of
the home town, on which the success
Of all the'- other measures must de.
pend.
The Holly chieftain., 1908-11-27
How to Cure
Liver Trouble
kssD1 Yesr Bowels Regular and Your
Stomach Sweet

People sometimes Imagine when they
have liver trouble or are bilious that the
main thing to do is to take physic.
Taking pills and keeping your bowels
regular are two very different matters.
The use OF violent cathartic does not
mean the cure Of constipation or the es-
tAhlishment Of regular movements. A
physic IL an emergency remedy. but new
ef bowel treatment. II the bowels do
not move regularly there is reason
deeper seated than the mere clogging up
that is removed by dose Of salts or
pills.
When that drowsy. tired feeling. with
the coated tongue, the dull head pains,
the sour stomach, the sallow complex
non, constipated bowels and touches Of
fever come on it is time to take medi-
cine that will act on the bowels gently
and mildly. cleansing and strengthening
them, stir up the liver and aid the stom-
ach in digesting the food.
DR.. Caldwell's Syrup Pepsin does this
every time. Take few doses and see
how quickly the drowsy feeling leaves
regular bowel movements come back. with
good appetite and perfect digestion
and you soon feel like your old self. 1t
does not grippe nor pain. it acts smoothly.
mildly and Is very pleasant to take. VIM.
Hinchman, Mesick. Mich. says: II was
troubled with indigestion and liver
trouble. have used DIR. Caldwell's Syr-
up Pepsin with fine results 1t Is a per-
feet laxative and I now feel as strong
and well as formerly" Vim. Block, Nj
antic, ILL.,, says: "Dr. Caldwell's Syrup
Pspsin Is the best remedy l ever used
for liver complaint or constipation -
Mrs. R. H. Brown. Addington. Ind. Ter.
was troubled with torpid liver and cons IL
patton. DR.. Caldwells Syrup Pepsin gave
her prompt relief. All druggists sell It at
Soc and 800 per bottle.
Pepsin Syrup Co., 30s Caldwell Bldg.
Monticello. III. Is glad to send free
sample to anyone who has never used Il
asd Will siys II fair trial
The Holly chieftain., 1908-11-27
MISGUIDED GENIUS.
4 osSlptsr Whs Devoted hinrssif to
Producing Fake Antiques.

One Of the most astonishing ex-
emplss Of genius devoting itself to
forgery was that of the Italian
1astianini. Born in 1880 in the
midst Of abject poverty, he had,
properly speaking, no systematic
education, either literary or artistic
But hs had real genius.
An antiquarian of the name of
Jfsppe employed him for 40 cents
pr day to produce antiques"
which might be sold at a good prof
T. So this became Bastianini's life
verk-the production of forgeries.
One of his most celebrated works
b the bust Of Savonarola. Per-
snadsd that here was real fif-
tssath century bust, two public spir-
tied gentlemen collected $4,000 and
purchased it from Freppa to pre-
vsnt its sale and expectation.
0ns critic, Dupre, declared that
b must assign it to Michelangelo
for it, force and to Robbia for the
sxquisiteness of its treatment, re-
garding it as a wonderfully beauti-
ful work Of art.
Sir Frederick Leighton, the noted
hgiish painter, having received
Photograph, placed it, "like
saorsd image, at the head Of his
I'D" II is said that the Grand
Duchess Marie of Russia and Lip
part seriously thought Of building
. temple to house this wonderful
IT u art.
Dut, notwithstanding the plaudits
q those who "knew," the bust was
. fake. Rumors having become
current that the piece of terra Gotta
1as not what it purported to be,
M Of the purchasers abruptly de-
Manled of Bastianini one day at
his workshop whether he was the
creator of the bust. And he admit
ted that he was.
But this was not the only great
Success" of Bastianini. A terra
Gotta bust of Benevieni, sixteenth
century poet of Florence, was re-
gsrded as contemporary work of
art and purchased by the Louvre
for $1,000 and installed in a room
containing work of Michelangelo
himself. Scientific American.
How He scared Sister.
A Gaylord street little girl eight
years of age, ran to her mother cry
Ing one afternoon.
"Willie is bad" she said between
sobs.
Willie, her ten-year-old brother,
was called con the carpet" "What
did you do, Willie?" asked his
mother.
"Scared her with Hemoracampa
leucostigma,' replied Willie.
"A whatp"
"A Hemoracampa leucostigma."
whats that ?"
Willie held out his hand. "This
b one" he said.
It was caterpillar. Willie had
found the scientific name for it
how his mother does not know
Denver Post.
The Holly chieftain., 1908-11-27

Give Street Trees Plenty Of Room.
With a "trip scarcely one yard wide
on which the sun may shine and
through which the air may penetrate.
Is 1t any wonder street trees are usual
" sorry lot? When new town sit+s
are plotted provision should he made
for shade trees. especially dedicating
more room for their proper growth.