davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1908-11-19

HE man question is the most seri-
Gus proposition fashionable girl
Washington has to contend with.
Trouble No. l is, there aren't any
Rn. Trouble No. 2 is, the men that
Pre- are-that's good Irish-are so
billed to death they are a negligible
'Antity.
Said religious young woman in
+ innermost clique the other day:
Conditions in Washington are fierce
here male creatures are concerned.
len have no obligations-no RESPONSE
|lities. They seem to think they are
Inferring favor on the opposite sex
/ simply existing. OF course, for
|any long day they have absolved
lemselves from the duty of paying
inner and party calls-it was kind
hough in them to come in the first
lace-but half the time they don't
yen answer your notes of invitation.
Ve girls have discovered that the only
Jay to clinch the men when we really
nust have them at our affairs, is to
atch them on the telephone before
hey have time to dodge. Extort a
erbal promise that they will come,
md to facilitate things offer to send a
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1908-11-19
Towers.

The patient architect had just sue.
ceeded in getting Mrs Drippingold TO
decide between the charms OF Renais-
sance, Classic and Queen Anne for the
plans of her magnificent new country
house.
The only details amt goin' to
leave to your discretion. said the
wealthy lady. lis the matter of tow.
ers. want plenty of towers that folks
can see for long way off when
they're ridin by"
But what kind of towers do you
want?" inquired the unfortunate archi.
tect. Norman, Gothic"
Mrs. Drippingold closed the English
novel of high life on which her SOU
had been feeding.
why, ancestral towers, of course.
Puck.
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1908-11-19

I'D ERHAPS the most picturesque fig
| ure at the International Tubercu-
losis congress, in session here lately,
was DR.. A. ]. Beall of San Marcus,
Tex. DR.. Beall is SIS years old, has
been a practicing physician in Texas
for more than half century. and, be
cause of his long record and his fidel-
lily as practitioner, is one of the best
beloved men in the Lone Star state.
DR.. Beall's trip to Washington was
intended to be the closing and crown
Ing feature of his career. When he re-
turns to his home at San Marcus, so
ne told his friends and patients before
ne left, it will be as man retired
from active professional pursuits-a
private citizen.
The esteem in which the veteran
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1908-11-19
|ase Bachelors of National Capital

carriage for them as we'll You might
add a bunch of American beauties be-
Sides" the girl laughed sardonically.
land a handsome souvenir to boot"
In ancestral days." the young wom-
an went on, Il believe 1t was the privi-
lege of the 'beaux' to pay all the ex-
penses of the spree when they took
the girls to balls and rooms. Not so
in 1908. It's a Thanksgiving day to a
girl If she can corral partner for the
cotillion, even when she pays her own
subscription fee and supplies her own
carriage and flowers. 1t takes money
to be girl nowadays. For example.
one can't be anybody and not be a
member of the Sixty Couples Cotillion
in Washington. Tickets for each oc-
casion are three dollars apiece, with
out counting the extras.
Does the partner whom you may
possibly have secured by treason and
stratagem bear any of the expenses of
your evening? Not by joyful Heavy,
heavy, hangs on your poor head finan'
cially speaking, and the beneficent be.
ings in evening clothes feel that they
have performed the whole office OF
man in simply allowing you to gush
over them in gratitude for being there
Masculine stock is way above par, and
a man who knows how to dance, oil
will dance If he knows how to. in
stead of swelling the mob of blase
blackcoats near the exits of bathrooms
idle and unproductive. is indeed
hnnanZa !"
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1908-11-19
Maj az onin ono.

You know Mrs. Jbrnsey." said the
president of the sewing circle. "She
suffers dreadfulIy from aphasia.
What is aphasia2" asked the sec
Rotary.
ITS something that affects ones
power TO use words. or something like
that. Inability to get your words right.
you know"
20. that's a common ailment." said
the secretary. Il employ a typewriter
once In a while. and she never gets
her words right Chicago Tribune.
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1908-11-19
Mrs. Sloan's Curiosity
BY MabeH Simple Clarke
lcopyright sy sbortstory Pab- Coz

After several people had said: 4
understand that you don't know what
Mr. Simm's name is, Nathalie and
several more had limited. just limited
delicateiy TO Mrs Sloan; DO you
think it's quite safe to let Nathalie
marry-er--you know" And after
Mrs. Sloan could endure 1t no longer.
and had given her daughter sound
scolding for the delinquencies OF her
lover-it was after all this. that
Nathalie told q" all about IL, and
cried out all her worry and annoyance
on the shoulder that It's possessoi
hoped would bear her burdens for hei
evermore.
Now listen. sweetheart Ill tel
you this miserable old name, and yot
can tell your mother and every one
else, II YOU like. that you know 1t, bni
what Il Is | don't want you TO make
known to any one at all unless | give
you permission, w.ll you promisey'
OF course Nathalie promised.
Then "a" whispered to her.
'oh. c. not really? That's awful
OH" and the young girl sat aghast
looking az the man she loved as II b.
were living curiosity.
Isn't II a bowler, pets DO 20
wonder ! don't use IT. How do yo
think your mother would like itg'
Cant you change 1t. CO"
My dear Il was given me by m
father. good man. but extremely q
/ centric When as "A hoy 1 rahalle
against Il. he declared that II gay
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1908-11-19
ce to Mark Social Debut of Ethel

of state was not invited, and, in gen
eral. that rule will be followed this
year. Miss Roosevelt is only IS years
old, and the guests will probably be
the youngest assemblage of the kind
that ever gathered in the White House.
The fact that the dance will be
given during the holidays means that
a special effort will be made to have
on hand Miss Roosevelts school
friends from New York and the col
lege mates of Theodore Roosevelt, Jr.
Her brother will come to Washington
for the occasion, and Miss Christine
Roosevelt and Miss Dorothy Roosevelt,
cousins of the debutante, are also ex-
pected.
In all, about 200 young New York
ers will be invited. At least that
number was. present at Miss Alice's
debut, and the president has been
careful that his children should not
weaken their affiliations with their
New York friends. Young Theodore
will bring with him number of his
Harvard college mates. and perhaps
one or two of the friends he has made
since going into the carpetmaking
business. The list of those to be in
vited is almost completed, and the in
vitations will be sent out very shortly.
The debut of Miss Roosevelt is ex-
pected to introduce very gay win
ter at the capital. Since the marriage
of Miss Alice Roosevelt to Congress
man Nicholas Longworth in 1906. the
White House has been voted dull
Mace nv Young neonle
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1908-11-19
81 Aks5 g. 81 s..
3nlD[L[ S
roo MucH EOS Lac sHoPMAN.

A wag, sauntering quietly along
street the other day. was accosted by
man who stammered.
Can you t-t-tell me where l may
g-g-get some g-g-g-g-good t-t-tin
t-t-t-tacks?"
Certainly" replied the wag. You
turn down this street on your left,
then turn again TO your left, and that
will bring you to the best hardware
shop in the town, where you'll be sure
to get them"
The stammerer continued his way.
The wag, walking down the street, en-
tered the aforesaid hardware shop. and
proceeded as follows:
Have you any g-g-g-good t-t-tin
t-t-t-t-tacks?"
Yes. SIR said the obliging shop
man, producing his best, after some
rummaging.
"Are you sure th-th-these are
g-ggood ones?r
Yes, sir. the best that are made"
Are th-th-the heads gg-good and
strong?"
Yes. sir
Have they g-g-got s-s.s-s-sharp
p-p-p-points?'
Yes, sir
well, p-p-p-please s-s-s-sit on them
t-t;till come back. will your" he said
making bolt for the door
Presently. the unlucky stammerer
having described a square, arrived al
the hardware shop, and, entering
asked, innocently: Have you any
g-g-good t-t-tin t-t-t-tacks-" When b,
recovered, he asked, in somewha
dazed fashion, whether the house haC
fallen on him, or if it was simply al
explosion.
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1908-11-19
Piqs.

This little pig (having the bacteri-
illogical Inspection went to market.
This little pig lin the absence of the
proper certificate that the man who
brought the animal invariably sprayed
his beard went home,
This little pig Especially requiring
proteids) had roast beef,
This little pig Carbohydrates In
dicated) had none,
This little pig went: Tee. hee hee!
"To be modern is such fun. Life,
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1908-11-19
In the Ionn Ano.

King Cophetua- had just married the
beggar maid.
Because" he explained, "it won't
cost much to support her in the style
to which she has been accustomed"
ChortlinG over his shrewdness he
ordered his flunkeys to send a notice
of the wedding to the various newspa-
pers, with instructions to play 1t up
as a first page story.-chicago Trib-
une.
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1908-11-19
Home Helm.

Small Daughter-It's most school
time and I've mislaid my geography.
Cultured Mother-Well, tell me what
the lesson is about, and I'll write out
the answer for you to learn.
Small Daughter-The lakes OF
Africa.
Cultured Mother-Um-er--if you've
mislaid your geography, you careless
child. you can just hunt till you find
.it-New York Weekly.
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1908-11-19
Her wltherino seorn.

My dear, is it possible you paid
$3.50 for that bathing suit? Why, 1t
doesn't weight moro than about four
ounces, and could hide it In my fist"
George Alfred, If had known that
you judge a bathing suit by it's size
and weight / would have bought gun
ny sack Chicago Tribune.
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1908-11-19
A Paying Profession.

Mr.. Milllon-H'mi Want 10 marry
my daughter? Newspaper reporter. !
understand. | never heard Of news
paper reporter getting rich.
Mr.. Quiekpen-oh, there are plenty
of lucky reporters. know a dozen
who have married heiresses.--New
York Weekly.
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1908-11-19
On. Mans Wisdom.

Jack-That fellow Marvin knows
more about women than any man
ever met
TOMS that so?
Jack-Yes. Why. he actually real
ICES that ne doesn't understand them.
Chicago Daily News
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1908-11-19
Sarcastic.

Charley. dear" said young Mrs.
Torkins. why is a dollar bill consid-
eredg"
Now. how should know? Oh, yesi
III tell you the reason. It's because
nothing is a real bargain unless It's
marked .sl.Ss.' Washington Star.
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1908-11-19
Poor FeiIowl

She (caressinglyl-S
Know you must be tired holding me on
your knee so long
He-Oh, no. der; ! am not tired
was two hours ago, but / am numb
now-Judge.
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1908-11-19
Nv the wav

A man in Boston wishes to eliminate
Yours truly" from all correspondence,
as being superfiuous.
Why not let few superhuous
things remain?
1t is the superhuous that counts
after all.-Life.
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1908-11-19
The Cookbook Trade.

Lounger-Do cook books form an
important item in your sales?
Bookseller-Yes. we sell them by
the thousand
The women appreciate them, eh?"
"Oh. the women don't buy them:
their husbands do."-New York
Weekly
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1908-11-19
Horrible Fate.

You've heard what happened to
Lots wife. ! suppose?"
Yes: she looked back and turned
into a pillar of salt
We'll. saw something today which
beat that"
MOI"
Fact A red-Rosed woman. with
kettle in her hand. hurrying down the
street. She looked furtively over her
shoulder-aud tyrned into a saloon. +"
Judge.
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1908-11-19
Here's "Bughouse" Job for Some One

wants a chief for the cattle and grain
investigation laboratory.
The bureau OF corporations, depart.
ment of commerce and labor. wants
special examiners at salaries ranging
from 81 200 to 800 year.
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1908-11-19
A Mife,s neun.inn

Young Husband-My dear, some OF
my garments are sadly in need of but
tons.
Young Wife-Yes. my love. | no
ticed that and have sent for my
mother. She is a splendid hand at
sewing on buttons. New York
Weekly.
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1908-11-19
Vast Information.

"A politician must know a great
deal. mustn't he?" said little RoIlo.
Yes, my son. He must know far
more. as a rule. than he dares let on
about to the public. Washington
Star.
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1908-11-19
Reasonable.

Little Girl-Say. mamma, amt
made of dust?
Mothei-Yes. dear.
Little Girl-Well. why don't | get
muddy when / drink?-Judge
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1908-11-19
An oseulasory Tragedy.

There was a young fellow named Jack.
Who kissed pert maid with a smack
The maid. she got mad,
And made Jacky sad
For she pushed back his face with a
whack.
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1908-11-19

Charles heard the other day that
Gerald Is going to get married.
Edward-Well. why shouldn't he?
He's comfortably well of.
Charles-That's just the whole
point. Why doesn't he remain so?
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1908-11-19
o
Weekly.

Reginald-Thought your dad wasn't
going to send you back to college?
Clarence-Yes. dad did kick at the
expense. but | threatened to stay at
home and help run the business, and
he decided college would be cheaper.
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1908-11-13
Names In Alaska.

Life in Alaska is uncouth in parts.
but it has its reinements. In Valdes
there lived a man named Jake, who
kept a boarding house for dogs. When
the prospectors returned from their
sled trips they would place their teams
in his charge until ready to start out
again. As he fed his guests on gar
bage gathered by a house to house can
vass, he was known by every one as
"Slop jake"
Once upon a time he fell i'll, and the
newspaper wished to chronicle the fact.
No one, however. knew Jake's other
name, and 1t didn't seem worth while
to waste the time of the editorial staff
on so insignificant a detail. So the
news was printed thus:
Our well known fellow citizen. S.
Jake, is confined to his house With a
severe cold. II is hoped lie viii be ont
soon."-New York Tines.
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1908-11-13

Just slap down a sketch of a drunk
en- husband sitting in II wretched hove
of a home" requested the newspaper
editor, hurrying into the apartment of
the lazy staff %cartoonist.
The artist carelessly complied and
sprawled back in his chair.
Don't you think it would fill out
better If you were to sketch in a ta-
BILE and an empty whisky bottleg" in
quired the editor. gazing at the bare
figure.
"Oh, the readers will imagine the
booze part of it. all right!'
We'll, how about adding a broken
hearted wife and a couple of ragged
children?"
Unnecessary. The readers will
readily imagine all that as part and
parcel of such a scene"
"Then," CALCULATED the editor. tear
Ing the sketch to bits. then the read
ers can imagine the drunken man.
Washington Post.
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1908-11-13
Poultry Fakes.

"Oh, yes" said the poultry farmer,
there are tricks in every trade! Take,
for instance. this old rooster here"
The rooster was old. There was no
denying it. He was as tough an old
rooster as ever graced the summer
boarders' table of a New England
farm.
Take this old rooster" said the
farmer, selling a paint brush. "Black
up his feet. Then break his breast
bone, so, with a long pair of scissors.
Then push the breast up high. What's
The result? A fine young turkeys
the result, and knowing housewives
will scramble over one another to buy
him."
With a harsh laugh the farmer turn
ed to a skeleton chicken. This bird
is a regular skeleton, isn't she?" he
said. "Now watch me. See, lay
her on her back. Then l place this
heavy board on her breast. Then to-
morrow when | come to take her to
market the board will have made her
scraggy breastbone almost invisible.
and 1t will have given her very full.
plump sides-no breastbone, fat sides
the ure signs of a fat and tender
young chicken"
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1908-11-13
CASH or INSTHLLMENTS
Proposals
Resolution

WHEREAS,t the report o~ftheEngineer shows
that the sewer, cement sidewalk, curb and
gutter work provided for in Ordinances num-
bers 98 and 100 has been completed, and that
the expense for the said sewer work is Sc, I'll 30,
the engineers charge for surveying and super
vision is 5000 and the hereby
made to the Commissioners is $1,000 each,
making a total of $7,077.l2; the expense OF the
said sidewalk work is Sill 1863. 70, the engineers
charge for surveying and supervision is 1868. 48
and the allowance hereby made to the Com
missioners Is $40 90 each, making q total of
81 1858 q; the expense of the cement curb and
gutter work is S7,930.80, the engineers charge
for surveying and supervision is 1896. 81 and the
allowance hereby made to the Commissioners
Is $1,000 each, making a total of SS,357. "a.
BE 1t ordained and enacted by the Mayor
and Council of the Borough OF Wildwood, that
the said Engineers report be referred to the
Commissioners of Assessment of the Borough
of Wildwood for the purpose of assessing the
benefits and damages received or sustained
by the property abutting the streets SO i'm
BE 1t further resolved that the Com
missioners sit in the Council Chamber of the
Borough hall on Monday, the thirtieth day of
November, 1908, at ten o'clock In the forenoon
for the purpose of hearing those who may be
interested in the said assessment and that the
Clerk hand to each Commissioner a copy of
this resolution and cause notice of said meet
ing to be published in The Sun and Five Mile
Beach Journal, two newspapers published
and circulating in the Borough of Wildwood,
once each week for tW0successive weeks Priur
to the said meeting.
Passed November 10 1908.
VIM. G. HENDEE,
Borough Clerk.
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1908-11-13
He Told the LAWYER.

Lawyer S. is well known for his un-
comedy habits. He cuts his hair about
four times a year and the rest of the
time looks decidedly ragged about the
ears. He was making q witness de-
scribe a barn which figured In his last
case.
"How long had the barn been
built?''
"Oh, | don't know-about a year
mebby, about nine months p'r'aps."
But just how long? Tell the jury
how long 1t had been built"
well, l don't know exactly-quite
awhile"
"Now, Mr.. b., you pass for an intel
ligent farmer, and yet you can't tell
me how old this barn Is, and you
have lived on the next farm for ten
years. Can you tell me how old your
own barn Is? Come, now, tell us how
old your W house is, If you think
you know"
Quick as lightning the old farmer
replied:
"You want to know how old my
house Is, do ye? Well, It's just about
as old as you be, and the roof needs
seeing to about as bad"
In the roar that followed the witness
stepped down, and Lawyer S. didn't
call him back.-London Globe.
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1908-11-13

Notice is hereby given that the Commits
s1oners OF Assessment of the Borough of
Wildwood, in the county of Cape May and
State of New Jersey, John N. Reeve, Oliver
l. Blackwell and William c. Hendeei will sit
at the borough hall in Wildwood on Monday.
November 30, 1908, at ten O'Clock in the fore
noon for the purpose of h-aring any persons
interested In the assessment OF benefits for the
extension of IA sewer system in or on the fol-
lowing streets or parts of streets i'll the Bor
ough of Wildwood, towit: Along the line Of
Oak and Cedar avenues to Hudson avenue
and on Hudson avenue from Cedar avenue to
Wildwood avenue, connecting with the main
outlet on Wildwood avenue, as provided for
in Ordinance No. III, passed september l, 1908.
AT the above time and place the Commits
sioners of Assessment Will also hear any
persons interested in the assessment of bene-
hts arising from an extension of the sewerage
system ofthe Borough of Juniper,
Poplar, Magnolia, Glenwood, Maple, Pine
and Wildwood avenues. west of Park avenue
and to Hudson avenue between Wildwood
aud Maple avenues and on Twenty-sixth street
from Park avenue to the northwest borough
line, as provided for in Ordinance No. IS.
passed April 9th, 1917.
AT the al owe time and place the Commits
sioners OF Assessment will also hear any per-
sons interested in the assessment of benefi s
arising from the laying of cement sidewalks
and curbs along that portion OF Twenty-sixth
street lying within the Wildwood borough
line ~northwestw ardly from Park avenue to
the northwesterly line of said borough along
Juniper, Poplar, Magnolia, Glenwood and
Maple avenues on both sides OF said avenue
from Park avenue west to Sunset Lake along
Pine and ildw avenues, on both sides of
said avenues west from Park avenue to Hud-
son avenue, along both sides of Hudson ave-
nue. northeast TO TWenty-siXth street and
along both sides of Lake avenue northeast to
Twenty-sixth street, as provided for in Urdi-
nance No. 100, passed April 9th, 1907.
By order of Council.
Borough Clerk.
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1908-11-13
Our Debt to ~cham2lain.

We of the eastern United States, and.
above all, the jewellers in New Eng
land, owe to Champlain more than
most of us imagine. Northern New
York and New England were fields of
his exploration, and it was he who
charted the coasts of the north Allan
tic nearly to Connecticut. making sur
veys that have not been greatly alter
ed to this day. Three hundred years
ago, at the point of Quebec. then cov-
cred with nut trees. Samuel de Cham
plain set his men to work to cut down
these trees, saw boards, dig cellars
and make bitches to construct a lhab-
itation. Before the coming of Cham
plain Canada had yielded to the French
vast quantities of furs and skins and
had enriched many a trader. but it re-
manned for this great explorer to see
in Canada something more than a
mere ground for the trapper and
trader-a home for people. a veritable
new France. In the accounts of his
yag he described with enthusiasm
the land. its people, its animals. its
timber, its plants and its minerals. and
ON these products he based prophecies
of a great future for this land.-Forest
and Stream.
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1908-11-13
Resolution
G. HENDEE,
borough Clerk.

WHEREAS, the report of the Engineer
shows that the sewer work provided for in
Ordinance number one hundred and twelve
has been completed and tina the expense of
the said work is S3,453 IL, the Engineers bill
for surveying and supervising is Sl72 TO and
the hereby made the Commits
sioners OF Assessment for their services is
$40 90 each, or $1,000, making "a total of S3,655. 76.
Be ii resolved and enacted by the Mayor
and Council of the Borough of Wildwood, that
said report be referred to the Commissioners
of Assessment for the purpose of assessing
the benefits or damages received or sustained
by the property abutting the streets SO i'm
proved. Be ii further resolved, that a copy
of this resolution be handed by the Clerk TO
each member of the said Commission and
that the said commissioner sit on Monday,
the thlrtieth day of November instant, at ten
O'Clock in the forenoon of said day, in the
Council Chamber, in the Borough hall to hear
those interested in the said assessment That
a notice of this meeting be published by the
Clerk in the sun and Five Mile Beach Jour
nal, two newspapers published in the Borough
of Wildwood, once each week for two success
sive weeks preceding the said time of sitting
of the sand commissioners.
Passed November 10, 1908.
WIN. c. HENDEE,
RnFnnph CLERK