The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1908-12-18
DOOLEY' ONA
NEW LITERARY LIGHT
=. P. Dunn. in the American Magazine for December.

Well. sir said Mr.. Dooley. II SEQ
thar m" old frind Jawn D. has broken
into iithrachoor. An I'm glad Nv it.
I've often said to mesi!f: Oh, that me
old frind Jawn u. sud write q book. P"
Whats 1t Ike asked Mr.. Hen
messy.
We'll" said MIR. Dooley, "..losan says
there are two kinds Nv product firm
Observation-Disclosures II non-illu-
mtnatin'. An this is wan IL thin. But
Hogan's jealous. bein' a lithray man
himsilf. Twas a sorry day for TIL
likes Nv him whin Jawn d. discovered
this new bye-product iv the juice Nv tn
rocks. He's made Kerosene. gum shoes,
marmalade. side combs. soap. anti-py-
rine. Judges. United States sinitors. an
are glad to come aromnd an buy his
old hats firm bin. an now. be hivens.
he's goin' into l%ithrachoor. A sad day
fr Hogan, says l.. What chance will
he have az an indepin1ent refiner
again Jawn D.? Here he Is thryin' to
pushin' out a pint OF two iv pothry.
an along will colns jaw D. an nan
nyfacther it be tn hogshead an TIL
carload. He'll undherse!l Hogan in ivry
corner Nv tn wurruld. While Hogan
has to cary his potl,ry down to tn
an besides he'll own tn iditor. He'll
deliver Standard pothry at ye'er dure.
I'll bet In a years time Hogan will he
dhri-in' a pothry tank wagon fr
Rockyfellar an be glad to do 1t. IL I
was Hogan I'd go over tomorrow an
sell me refinery to Rockytellar an jine
with him to push Roodyard KipllnE ont
in TIL markets iv TIL wurr,,ld. 'Tis his
on'y hope.
The Editor Gets the Autobiography.
But so far he hasn't gone into poth-
ry. His first appearance as a lithry
man Is a little effort called An Attlmpt
to Def1nd a Blameless Life or some
thing like that. In other wurrds. Jawn
D. Is writin' his autobiography. fIe
his inimies concurrin'. Wan Nv tn
greatest iv modhern EDITORS secured
TIL rollickin' f"r his sterling
magazine. an We can buy 1t at
amy news stand fr twenty-five
cints. IL ye have twenty-five
l%ithrachoor with TIL price iv kerosene
lie where 1t is. Tie iditor whit out to
see Jawn ID. befurs ucceptin' his bro-
chure. as Hogan calls 1t. He confessed
that he felt a deep-seated prejudice
against tn great gasolpae king. He had
such an inhEman feeling as an iditor
wud nacherally nave against a NJ
with 30 much pelf. He come away abb
solutely charmed with tn simplicity
iv this splendid character. He EXPECTED
him to enter til on goolden
roller skates. TIL iditor was Obliged
to wait fr some time. an he was eX-
aiming tn carefully selected libry Nv
100000 volumes iy railway rates. whin
he heerd tn frou-frou Nv congress
CATERS, an lookin' up with startled
fawn-like eyes he found hissilf in TIL
priaince Nv our hero. TIL sturdy char
in tn fact that he did not swoon. an
havin' been invited be Misther Rocky
fellar to dhraw UP a chair. tn two
were soon engaged in frindly converts
TIL great man was found to be as
simple an modest as IL he had been {
mere Abraham Lincoln or Ulyss S
Grant. He was very frank about hi
life. which has been devoted to golf
He isa sound. although not a bril-
liant player. havin' done tn hom'
coorse in q sterling $50. 1t appears tina
IL by amy unforchnlt ~1nischance, a
per leapin' in tn next field, he dhrive
tn ball into d swamp or rough place
he does not, as most men with owe
a millyon dollars wud do. sind tn DO,
! afther it an thry another. Indeed nc
Like amy poor man. this peerles
sportsman goes own into tn me
phitic morass. bravin' malaria an II
sting OF vicious winged monsthers, al
siams away first With wan bat III!
with another ontil tn ball is exthri
Gated or mercifui night deseinds. I
Eeepin' his scoor he is most scrupuolu.
tn idltcr remarks. Playin' around b
hinsi'f. he puts dow ivry sthroke a
adds thin up at tn end iv tn game
He never cheats hi1nsilf. Admirabl
restraint.
How the Story Reads.
Well, H!nnissy. tn IMPRESSION I 20
FIRM this here little heart-to-heart wa
that me frind Jawn II. was quite q jol
ly. roltckin' old soul. 1 plunged firm
thance ruto hla au.yhioeranhx ON, I'm