New-York tribune., 1908-03-16
II CAPTAIN DORM CAME TO TOWN.

IF CAPTAIN DORM CAME TO TOWN
Of all places on earth. this imperial, un-
wieldv money-making, money-spending settle
r,ent is usually the least stirred by tile ARRIVAL
of strangers however famous or infamous
The migbteSt monarch Of the gorgeous East
can do no more than get into the papers anu
make a few thousand pedestrians crane lheir
necks with bovine calmness as he moves up
Broadway with his retinuc. Even Pr1ze-
fighter fails to send up bunting on all the pup
Ii. huiIdines But it would be otherwise If
Cantain Dorm. /. S y. should ever chus up
alongside landing stage in launch, and
thence proceed TO City Hall Park with orders
in his pocket matching the ones under wnich
he * now presiding over the destinies of Guam
Captain Dorm has the same habit OF DONG
things up shipshape' which his colleagues are
constantly displaying. as they hit targetS ni'S
times out of fifty shots and take batteshlp
feet in perfect order around the world. just
now he is varying the monotony OF sea lie py
teaching the Guamites how TO 1--we IN the leaI
of the Lord and of Uncle Sam And the edct
which the naval governor has just ISSUED makes
us fancy that if he should be transferred to
our own little island most of the population
would forget all about racetracks and bridge
and the congestion exhibit for few hours.
The nature of Captain Dorn's activities is thus
described in his orders:
Every resident of the island having no appar-
ent means of subsistence who has the phySlcdi
ability to work and who begs or negiects 10
apply himself or herself to some lawful calling;
every person found lettering about saloons
dramshops or gambling houses. or trarnping or
straying through the country without NlSiole
means Of support; every person known lo nt- d
pickpocket, thief or burglar, WheS found ioiter
ing about any gambling house, Cockpit or any
outlying barro. and every idle or dlSsolute per
son of either sex caught occupying premises
without the consent of the owner Thereon shaii
on conviction be punished by q fine OF S-oo or
Imprisonment for one year, or both.
What a blessing the sturdy captains advent
would be. No more worry over the debt limit
after he became naval governor of New YORK.
The fines paid by the persons mentioned IN the
edict would build all the new subways ana
bridges leaving perhaps a few millions over
for parks fire hose and street cleaning 1t
would not take Captain Dorm more than week
or two to discover that his category Of idle
.tand dissolute persons caught occupying prem
"ises without the consent OF the owners IN
cuded a large proportion OF the prosperous anu
kind hearted citizens who are wearing out mu-
nicinal furniture and the pubIc's nerves in city
houses and outhottses. Who owns these prem
ises? Those who paid for them, of course!
Did they ever give their consent TO the occu-
nancy of these edifces by their present deni-
zens? Not by a jugfuI! And are many of
said denizpns idle or diSsolute or both! Well.
rather. Being able and willing TO pay the fine
Captain Dorm would impose, these statesmen,
together with the ten thousand thieves in pri-
yate practice would spare Mr.. Metz his sleep
less nights of worry over New York $ finances.
They might almost make the local administra-
ton self-supporting. Wouldn't New Workers
brush their hats and walk over to the dock to
see the captain land: