The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1908-02-27
A suP Ses4
BY MAX ADElER

| "a Nioit iStNitiy lloth
Buddy. Mr.. Buddy entered the office
upon crutches. and his face was COW
cred with Commissions, so that he look
ed as if he had emerged from terrific
conflict with an antagonist who had
won complete victory. Placing his
crutches against the table and seating
himself very carefully in the chair, Mr..
Buddy said:
Mr.. Simms, JUS dropped in to see
you to git little advice on a point
of law in which I'm interested, and
I'd be much obleeged if you'd tell me
exactly what my rights in the matter
are. III put it in this way: S'pose'n
| you were to marry wilder under the
| idea that she was an angel-that she
was so sweet that a barrel of sugar
| was mere bitterness alongside of her;
and spose'n after you were consoli-
| dated with her you were to find out
| that she had temper like a she wild
| cat, and an unconquerable custom of
| banging you over the head with skill
| lets or most anything that came handy,
SO that you didn't know what minute
| she'd git her mad up and skeer you
pretty near to death.
Now, s'posen this wilder and you
| was to disagree about a little matter
Of chewing terbacker in the house and
| trying to spit in the stove, and she
was to up and tell youth your own
house, mind you-that If you KEEP aim
ing at that stove and missing it she'd
warm you up with a broom handle or
the like; and you were to say that
you'd chew where you'd mind to,
and that while it was a free country,
you pleased.
And s'pose'n one word brought on
another, until she got on a terrific
rampage. and come at you and tried
to snatch out your hair; while you
grabbed her by the wrists ard held her
so she couldn't And then s'posen
while you were rassling with her you
was to get the best of it SOS she
couldn't do anything but have the
Mysteries and scream, and you all the
you out throagh the winder.
Now, s'pose'n that wilder had a
dog which belonged to her first hus
band and would rather bite you than
not, and all of a sudden she was to
holler for that dog, and he was to
come bouncing into the room, and, see
ing the widder's situation was to take
hold of mOuthful of your right leg,
and shake it as though he was going
to bite it loose before he left; and the
wilder all the time sticking him on and
encouraging him to help himself with
out any regard for your feelings. And
s'posen when you let go of her to
tackle the dog she should bang you
with the scrubbing brush until you
lookeds if you'd been ground up in a
bark-mill and then wouldn't call off
the dog until you hollered enough.
"S'pose'n all this, what | want to
know is, can't you sue that wilder for
assault and battery, and get an in
junction on that dog? That's what |
came to see you about, whether you've
got to stand having your leg chewed
and your head smashed with a scrub
bling brush, or whether this great and
free governments going to protect its
defenseless citizens, | want to know
how it is
Mr.. Simms looked very solemn for
a moment, as if contemplating the
problem carefully, and then he said
Il don't really see that the law can
do anything in such a case, Mr.. Buddy.
If the man married the widow he be-
came part owner of the dog, and it
was, therefore. in fact his own dog
that assaulted him. Besides that, as
man and his wife are one flesh, the
widow has partnership interest in
the mans leg, and when she set the
dog upon it she was really encourag-
ing the animal to mutilate her own
property. No action can be against
person who induces her own dog to bite
her own leg nor will the law give her
redress if she batters her own head
with her own hands, for the wife who
strikes her husband really strikes her
self"
You don't mean to say" exclaimed
Mr. Buddy, in blaze of indignation,
that is the law Of this land, of this
very country where our forefathers
bled for liberty! You don't actually
mean to tell me that red-headed
wilder with liver-cOlored dog, can
actually make that dog gnaw a mans
leg into sausagemeat while she
trounces him with a club and that he
can't chuck her into jail for it; that
he's got to stand up and take it,"
I'm atraid he has" said Simms
with a sad smile.
Well then said Buddy, rising and
Selling his crutches, that just lets
me out as far as this idiotic land is
concerned. I'm going to cult If wild
ders are to be allowed to carry on as
if men had no rights, III emigrate and
hunt up some country where enlighten-
ed civilization don't allow widders to
live. Let's see, it's India, isn't it,
where they kill the wilder when her
first husband dies? Well, that's where
I'm going, I'm going by the first boat
If | stay here I'll be dead in month,
and so chewed up that they'll have to
bring me in pieces. Good morning"
And Mr.. Buddy hobbled away dis
consulate.