Virginia citizen. (Irvington, Va.) 1891-1921, 1908-01-17
Communicated
"AUNTY SPEC" ON THE
ShELL-CAT QUESTION.

"h- speaker, where am at!
Having heard so much of the great
''shell case" in the past few weeks, L
am constrained to make the above
remarks.
Mr.. Editor, and fellow citizens of
Lancaster, what is it all about? L
can't understand. 1t seems to be a
sorter ''Katy-did" and katy didn't"
predicamentt TO me. One man says that
another man did and the other man saws
that he didn't but that the other man
oughter "did' or should have 'did''
but he didn't because ne didn't, didn't.
And there you are. The question seems
to be in statu quo at this time.
From what l can understand, Mr..
Curlett says that Mr.. Chowning bought
$500 bushels of shells from Mr.. Lark
ford and put them in the bottomless
pit, between Wheaton and Litwaton
| Gam glad that the pit has been
located, and that Mr.. Chowning
won't allow Mr.. Landlord to re-
move them, and that Mr.. Chowning
''oughter'' work the roads with mules
instead of oxen, and that the provender
rots, the barn is trespassing on some
| body's land, and that Mr. Chowning
just did get elected by the skin Of his
teeth, ct al.
Mr.. Chowning rises and explains that
he bought only 300 bushels of shells for
SIS, and that Mr.. l.. used the 1920
extra on his own responsibility, and
that they are welcome to remove the
surplus provided that they are well wash
ed and thoroughly cleansed of the real
estate-which belongs to the Common
wealth over which he. Mr.. Chowning, is
the regularly elected guardian.
With apologies to my old defunct
friend. VIM. Shakespeare, / think
Shylock will about cover the bill You
may have your shells, but, it is enacted
in the laws of Lancaster that if an alien
swipe but one grain of Lancaster's dirt
in removing his shells, then his goods and
chattels, household and kitchen furni-
ture, seed oysters, saw-mills, logs,
mules, shells, and all his earthly pos
sessions shall revert to the road fund.
think Mr.. Curlett's suggestion about
the mules is all right. understand that
Happy Hooligan" is now the proud
possessor of Maud and the old man
and brother Gus are more than anx-
ious to get shed of them, and if the oxen
are sold and a contract made with
Happy" and MAUD" Iguarantee that
there will be something doing in old
Lancaster, and we will always know
what piece of road was being worked by
Maud's hee haw. Then Mr.. Curlett
would know how the contract system
would work, and / believe Maud can
kick the bottomless pit out if given half
a chance. Good idea.
have been talking with my friends,
"sorter" feeling their pulse, in reference
to purchasing those shells, and there
don't seem to be any trouble at all to
form joint stock company, provided
we can get the Cat that came back"
mentioned in the CITIZEN recently or
being carried to Reedville and travelling
back "A miles in about two hours-sup-
/
never left Reedville until the steamer
had left her and the steamer could make
the run in about two hours and when
the steamer got to the factory the cat
was there all rested up. I've no doubt
she made it in about one hour or maybe
less. If we can secure this cat to run
these shells down here, one at a time. we
can guarantee to remove them in two
weeks or maybe less. We also want a
written contract that the shells will be
thoroughly washed and free of all terra
firma pertaining to the bottomless pit.
We are sure that there would be small
fortune in it for us as the cat would carry
them through the air so fast that the fric-
ton would undoubtedly cause them to
turn to pearl, and should they catch fire
and burn to lime we will sue all of the
farmers en- route for lining their land
and make money any way. When the
next election comes off we will settle
the two majority and 43 less than MOTH
ing vote by running the cat, for she has
made one good run in this county and
Northumberland and / stand ready to
bet my bank account that she can beat
either of the gentlemen to standstill.
Now, we stand ready to make this con-
ractt if we can secure this CAT. But
there is some talk of the Board of Fisher
les securing it for the purpose of sending
messages to the various Inspectors in
ITidewater and thereby breaking up
oyster piracy. The Northern Neck
Telephone Co. is, understand, negotiat-
ing for the cat to try and economic.
They could do away with thepoles, wires,
ETC., and have Categorical phone.
There seems to be some doubt of the
feasibility of the cat carrying messages
as they don't know how they could
secure the message to the cat to keep
it from catching fire or whipping to
pieces. Possibly that obstacle will be
overcome in time. / think that if Cor
telyou could secure the cat to run against
Taft he would have cinch.
Just as soon as we get every
thing straight about this shell-cat bust
ness you will hear something drap.
| p ar,,sae oa&