davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Virginia gazette. [volume] (Williamsburg, Va.) 1893-192?, 1908-01-11

Ar Drank Wyatt. OF ~potsrltanla
county. died ln Frederlck-burg Sln-
day az the home OK Nr E r. AN
son. where he WAS visiting We was
seventy seven years % age. ami ls
survived by his wife and twO chit
cren who reside in Portsmouth, The
ooSy VIII be- taken 90 Portsmouth for
burial
Virginia gazette. [volume] (Williamsburg, Va.) 1893-192?, 1908-01-11
Louisville Post.

The usual way 70 relieve "A congest-
Ed market Is 20 reduce prices IN order
20 find new outlets. nat Is not the
trust way. The steel Trust resolves
70 mako no concession IA price. The
cotton mills OF New England agree TO
reduce production. but 20 maintain
prices That IS Quacksry. The stock
speculEtors Ter twelve months used
every device 20 keep up quotations OF
the stock exchange, but failed. Steel
prices are too high. and their prices
retard business and restrict the en-
pioyrnsnt or labor. But the trusts are
urEanfzed 20 resist every ecenorsai law.
Tha steel tariff should be reduced one
half
Virginia gazette. [volume] (Williamsburg, Va.) 1893-192?, 1908-01-11

why can't ne purs. feed NV be ap-
piled to tks ESQ sit1ationf Fully ere
half OF the esEs seid new are stale or
verse People are ERyfnAg aseat Sc
cents fer q deEsn Eeee sess. and thsT
are Dens tee good even Aex.- There
Is. We believe. q way 70 test eEEs. ars&
every dealer ouEht to De required te
have q tester ana mark each azx. Ths
use OF antique and rsrnorseless eggs
- nos conducive 70 either health 81
contsntrnsBt F'ose &C ra4s <xz4. IA
vorse With fond rsssnseciens &C sxnn-
nsr before Last. xAoaId net hs &llow-
cd a. the raaFxet wtthout . lsosl. In
ess1. svexy eco caxst 70 20 lshsie1
rood- tctsrNhw s>o9- or ~sa6"s
teon fAs psr~ea ss-> pss<sxxsa ne
iAx3ee vAxss<x @ sDoo~ss Of It's fnsx-
p>asfvsosD o~x&d 81 what ne sNr-
N ts~ur e fresh hes frnH ssz,& gee
whot tb~w ya11 Sea ~ al 1sG2o let
- hs~s . fp1sssn In The esq sssinsus.
Virginia gazette. [volume] (Williamsburg, Va.) 1893-192?, 1908-01-11

Seeing the amount or free advertls-
ins given to John sharp Williams and
Dave DeArmond R0oth TarkfnEton.
the Indiana novelist. got into n rough
and tumble Christmas razzee with po-
lice. Now the whole country knows
there Is such man. Everybody does
the poor editor. SO wonder the bust
ness ofiicc kicks at the number OF
free pums that creep in
Virginia gazette. [volume] (Williamsburg, Va.) 1893-192?, 1908-01-11

brief illness ln his home. Portsmouth.
Mr.. Walton WAS taken 81 suddenly az
ter rrruruirE from work in the Navy
Yard Monday evening. and became
rapidly worse until his death lie is
survived by his widow. and son.
Robert Sherwood Walton.
Virginia gazette. [volume] (Williamsburg, Va.) 1893-192?, 1908-01-11
Iohn d. Hlrmnhren.-

John O.. Humphreys died IN his
home IN salem sunday. His VIE PEE
ceGed him 20 the grave by Il few
weeks, dying November Esd. Lr.
Hun phrcys g. survived by seven sons
Robert. Arthur. George Waiter.
Garland and II. l.. Hump hrcys. The
funeral NJ take place thls after
noon.
Virginia gazette. [volume] (Williamsburg, Va.) 1893-192?, 1908-01-11
olunbia State.

senator Carter must have analysed
his blood very particularly Re gives
his strain as seven sixteenths Chlcka-
saw and Cherokee Indian and nine
slxtecnths Scotch-Irish He is prob
ably the only human being Iu the
world ~ precisely this almixture.
Burbank. who ID trying Co refashion
tne race. should keep an ev@ on Mr.
Carter
Virginia gazette. [volume] (Williamsburg, Va.) 1893-192?, 1908-01-11

We said that was exquisite 10 was
dellciou-ly characteristic ~ this rep
resentative member of the Johnson
family. and DO must have made the
Alsom4llnitss SIR up and take notice
or what was Co fsiisw
Virginia gazette. [volume] (Williamsburg, Va.) 1893-192?, 1908-01-11
Isanr Sarnnles

Mt Isaac Samples died az sac l-I-
kin's CIV. Va Hospital on Tuesday
night and nl- remains were brought
Co Monterey tor interment He wzs
the oldest SON ~ NJ. John ii samples
aud was ga Industrious man black
smith by trade
Virginia gazette. [volume] (Williamsburg, Va.) 1893-192?, 1908-01-11

Mrs. Dicanada Carter died SUNDAY
at her home IN Boyce. Clarke county
She leaves one son. q daughter. anC
two brothers.
Virginia gazette. [volume] (Williamsburg, Va.) 1893-192?, 1908-01-11

Mr. ". II. Sweeney. ST. one OF the
Oldest general contractors OF Williams
Sweaney IS survived by one son. kIr.
W II. sweeney. Jr.. Gnc two cauEh-
ters-4Ass Nellie Sweeney. % VIII
l4msSUrE. and a married daughter liv-
ing la the West
Virginia gazette. [volume] (Williamsburg, Va.) 1893-192?, 1908-01-11

Mrs. Reynolds. widow ~ John Rey-
holds. OF Orange county. died at her
home Tuesday after "a BRIEF illness.
She Is survived by one son and two
daughters.
Virginia gazette. [volume] (Williamsburg, Va.) 1893-192?, 1908-01-11

days ago az Frederic 1shurE atlor nn
Illness 81 only two DAYS uEcl seventy
two years. he ls survived ry two chill
dren. Two brothers and number OK
grandchildren
Virginia gazette. [volume] (Williamsburg, Va.) 1893-192?, 1908-01-11

Ittt-ourg boasts 90 being The best
advertised city iu The world. We know
or only one better advertised place
that at aN reseubles PittaburE. and.
while we have met "a gooa many peo-
p-e who told us 90 go there. We have
not SET quite made up our minds 90
rake the trip. DO isn't Texas.
Virginia gazette. [volume] (Williamsburg, Va.) 1893-192?, 1908-01-11
PRESS OPINIONS.

Charleston News and Courier
Twelve thousand men have been
educated for tho bar On New York q"
says The New York sun That IS
nothing 20 the crowds % men we know
who hold ro-t-Eraduste degrees in the
sign language or the blind tiger
Virginia gazette. [volume] (Williamsburg, Va.) 1893-192?, 1908-01-11

Mr. James p. Carter. n well known
farmer 81 Buckingham county. died
saturday evening Al his home near
Hatcher. ~ the advanced age OF eighty
four years
Virginia gazette. [volume] (Williamsburg, Va.) 1893-192?, 1908-01-11

Miss Kate NJ. Camden.
Miss iNate NJ. Camden. aged twenty
enc years. died sunday afternoon at
the Home and Retreat. IN Lynch
burg. The remains We're sent 20 Lex
ston for burial
Virginia gazette. [volume] (Williamsburg, Va.) 1893-192?, 1908-01-11

Roscoe &. Brumback. son OF Dr. J.
B. BTuubAck. OF Lur2y. died Monday
Night at his home Ia sPrin saeld.
Virginia gazette. [volume] (Williamsburg, Va.) 1893-192?, 1908-01-11
j. IL. Honseuorfh-

Mr.. J. H Houseworth. prominent
citizen OF Orange county. died a few
Virginia gazette. [volume] (Williamsburg, Va.) 1893-192?, 1908-01-11
HUTZLFR BROTHFRS

or,.on charge. on al. purchases OF s. or over IN virgins.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21
SAYS THE HOTEL CLERK,
BY IRWIN S. COBB.

bottle, or some such game" amend
ed the House Detective.
'Since you mention it, l believe that
oversight has been allowed TO happen
once i'm a while" said the Hotel Clerk
But the supreme court can always be
depended upon TO Tectify it as soon as
they get around to it, which will be
after 100000 other cases on the calen-
dar can be disposed Of which they do
dispose of them at the rate of from two
to four every winter. The only draw
back is that the guilty party has to
stay in Jail thirty or forty years be-
fore the learned Justice Spifflef1inger
or McGuggin, as the case may be. can
begin the COngenial task of blasting
reversible errors out of the record. And
SO they order a new trial, but by that
time the witnesses are all dead or in
jail themselves, and serves them right
too. and a third generation has grown
up which feels no interest in the per-
son that was put out of the way away
back yOnder in 1905 and so they turn
the prisoner out of his cosy cell where
he's been writing autogra phs and eat
ing the cOcOanut layer cake and the
chocolate fudge sent him by admiring
ladies who read his sad story as told
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21

I'VE NEVER HANG ANYBODY UNLESS HE'S NOBODY"

by Nell Bunkley in the Evening Ex-
haust, and he gets job writing for the
magazines and builds him a villa over
on Long Island and is looked up to-
But when insanity is the plea and
there's a defendant that's got a large
available cash balance, or his family
has, that's where the conditions be-
come ideal for sailing and boating. If
he happens to be one of those real
sports from SpOrtsylvania that's never
had anything of Importance under his
hat except the part in his hair, and if
the lady in the case is a lovely model
who once posed for the leading house,
sign and portrait painter of Pittsburg,
and if the crime took place in some
quiet, secluded spot like the corner of
Forty second street and Broadway at
a quarter past five on a Saturday aft
ernoOn. and if the descriptive writer's
are feeling in good health at the time,
and if all of the little trOupes of per-
forming adjectives are ready. and if
the alienists don't begin cutting the
union rate on one another in order to
get the job. why then it's time for eV-
cry one TO put on their bathing trunks
and jump in and splash up.
First, they get the jury. That's the
start Of it, Tt only takes ten or twelve
weeks. or IN extreme cases TOUR months.
And when the box is filled, they tell
the prisoner TO stand up and look at
the jury and the jury TO stand up and
look at the prisoner. thereby prOvid-
ing a treat for all concerned. Then
they shove all the facts into the back
ground, if there are any facts, and trOt
out their expert testimony and compel
those twelve real estate dealers and
delicatessen princes and retired faro
dealers to sit and listen to brutal dis
closures in regard TO the pneumOgastric
and other intimate subjects that should
remain forever sacred TO the individual
who owns them until their poor, tired
brains turn to mayOnaise and they
don't know whether the medulla oblon-
cato is a grand opera or the name of a
Spanish restaurant but are rather in
clined to thing it is. This part is very
important, Larry. It's called informing
the jury"
rs them alienists wOt testify in MUIR
der trials the same ones wOt also do the
alternating in divorce suits?" asked the
House Detective.
tYou're probably thinking of the spe-
cial correspondents. said the Hotel
Clerk. IAN alienist is a family doctor
who hates the night work. There was
time when a doctor wasn't expected to
do anything but doctoring. In winter
time he went TO bed in his pants and,
his ear muffs and his horse slept be-
tween the shafts with the bride pushed
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21

1T was mighty strange about that
last murder trial they had over in New
Jersey" unused the hotel clerk.
1T didn't see nothin' so strange about
it," said the house detective of the St
Reckless, speaking in the professional
tone beftting one who had once be-
longed TO the uniformed force. The
lady was found dead in a swamp. as
remember, and her husband couldn't
properly explain where he wuz the
night she landed there, and he wuz
showed 10 be in the habit of takin' a
club to her every Once't in a whole and
labelin' her features with one of them
places marked * shown where the
blow was struck. as the newspapers
say. OF course they didn't have no
actual proof that t'wuz him croaked
her. but putin one thing with another
Il didn't mean that" said the hotel
clerk. The strange part was they
did't find him guilty. l can't under
stand il. 1t must have been a serious
blow to the whole state and deep
DlOL on New Jersey ; IdlT- 6SCulGHtOll.
/ wouldn't be surprised to hear they'd
sent up to the escutcheon works for a
new one. | don't imagine what could
have come over those jurors. | under
stand there's still considerable sup
pressed feeling against them in HO-
bOken, Weehawken and enVirOns.'
1t don't usually turn out that way
over there" said the house detective.
Not that l recall" said the hotel
clerk. Heretofore getting tried for
murder in our sister state-if she is our
sister-has been something like being
chased the length of a through vesti-
buled train and thrown off at a hemp
factory without stopping the train.
These New Jersey jurors must have be-
gun TO get sOft-fibered and weakened
since their state legislature abolished
the good old slip moose under the left
ear of their fathers and voted lin tie
comparatively tame and embarrassing
morris-chair, having straps on the arms
and live wires running down its legs.
trical features in the Trenton peniten-
tiary, you'd read that the indictment
had been returned and shortly there
after you'd see Ii printed under a
Toms River date line that the con-
demned man spent several hours of his
last night on earth playing the nation
al game of pinoehle with the death
watch. named Heiney and August. df-
ter which he slept as peacefully as a
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21

little child, but arose early and donned
the suit of neat black that had been
provided for him by Sheriff Button
heimer, ate a hearty brea kfast. cOns;s s.
ing Of ham and eggs, muskmeloH,
canned corn, ice cream, country sau-
sage, three cups of coffee. doughnuts
buckWheat cakes, a cigar and two
kinds Of pie, custard and mince-and
announced that he was prepared 60
meet his God.
we weren't in the habit of heal ing
much about the trials, because they
were so brief and satisfactory as hardly
TO merit passing mention. The proce-
dure was something like a military
court martial Of a suspected reyOlu-
zionist, with money, in Central Amer
lea, an6 something like one of these
English trials al the Old Bailey,
where the presiding justice is in a
hurry to get home to dinner with the
high sheriff, or the lord mayor, or Sir
Thomas Upton, or somebody; and so.
in a brisk tone of voice he asks the
cringing wretch at the bar whether he 5
guilty or not guilty. and, if not. why
not; and then inserts part of his wig
into a neat black cap. such as a fat
travelling man wears on railroad
train in this country. and takes a peep
at the calendar and decides that Fri
day fortnight viii be a very good day
for il and everything is as good as set
tied before the foreman of the jury gets
through writing without extenuating
circumstances on the verdict.
over in Jersey twas only slightly
different. About the time the lawyer
for the defense was concluding the fool
ish formality of summin up. an ell
derby gentleman in black, with rope
lint on his clothes, would quietly ap-
prOach the defendant and ask him what
size collar he wore and if he was as
heavy as he looked to be. and at that
the word would run through the crowd
ed court that Colonel Van Hise, the
ever polite and accommodating official
hangman, was on the job, getting the
necessary plans and specifications.
That's the way it was until lately. The
only thing a man could feel safe in
committing in New Jersey was suicide.
and even then there was the awful
thought that they might put the bee on
him after he was dead by burying him
in the state.
How different. how very different.
with us here in New York. Larry. over
there they've been accustomed to hang
ing nearly everybody and over here we
hang nobody that's anybody and rare
ly ever anybody that's nobody"
Ever now and then we do mana ge
to convict a guy for putin some 9TH
er guy away with dose out of dark
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21

up on his forehead. He made his rounds
carrying a gallon crock of eight-year-
old calOmel in one hand and in the 9TH
er box containing a kit of tools and
quantity of those large dark blue
pills resembling the style of ammuni-
ton that was once used in a navy six
But nowadays, if he disIikes the late
hours and loses all his patients, either
through them getting wise or else death,
he can buy himself a pair of gold
trimmed eye glasses and trim his whis-
kers down to a point like an evergreen
in a cemetery, and if he can climb uD
on a witness chair all fatted out with
Importance like a trained sea lion and
be prepared to reverse himself as often
as a quarter-miIe track. why he's an
alienist and amply qualified to make
an appropriate answer to a hypOtheti-
cal question beginning as follows:
Assuming, doctor, that on the night
in question the prisoner had been eat
ing a large quantity of things, or else
drinking them; and assuming that he
had a breath like a family grocery
store; and assuming that his eyes rolled
from side To side the same as a china
door knob, only different; and assum-
ing that a mans sOuse is his castle
as the English law-givers would say:
anu assuming lndI Ills Uncle JDlQ Hen
ry, commonly known in the evidence as
Exhibit A, had to wear cotton in his
ears to keep his brains from blowing his
side whiskers off, and assuming that
they were acutely maniacal side Whis-
kers. which all side whiskers neces-
.sarily are: and assuming that his hair
Was quite mussed up; and assuming
that the old hen crossed the road: and
assuming that an Irishman wears red
suspenders to keep his trousers up: and
assuming that he was afraid to go home
in the dark. and"
'Wot talk have you"' put in the
House Detective. IF it's a murder
trial, why don't they tell the jury about
the murder"
It's not customary" said the Hotel
Clerk, and besides, il might confuse
their minds as to the main issue. which
is whether they ought to turn the de-
PENDANT loose and give him his pistol
back and let him resume his flirtations
with Mary Wilder and Maudie GraW,
or else send him upstate 10 enjoy the
society of Matte Wann a while. That's
a joke of my own, Larry, and I'd thank
you To laugh heartily"
We'll. anyway. we never hang any
innocent men in this town." said the
House Detective.
Il know a lot of innocent men that
I could spare" said the Hotel Clerk
BEN innocent is crime in this town,
anyhow"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21
AT THE FOOT OF THE PYRAMIDS
minneapolis Journal1

AhiliiiNdpOIS JOHindl.D
so you are back from a circular tour
of the Mediterranean, including Egypt
and the Nile. Well WE'LL
The speaker was George AIDE, play
wright and humorist. Shaking the hand
of the brown young Indiana farmer. he
went on:
Il know the sort of conversation Won
heard over therein Egypt say. Listen.
and I'll tear off a yard or two II ran
like this:
- Isn't it lovely? Cleopatra lived here.
and Moses and Pharaoh 1t makes your
head SWIM doesn't ito
u guess it's the bad air. 1t hurts
my head, too. Is that the Nile?
Look at that crocodile basking in
the sum-
s. Is he basking? Oh, Maude, dear, by
the way is your new basque to have the
fashionable long sleeves?'
Gee. there's the Sphinx
And that must be the desert. But
don't see any caravans
No. How provoking
Isn't it nice to travel on a railroad
where they don't have any soot?
Yes. and do you notice the balmy,
spicy smell?'
." Yes. indeed. Just like cloves. isn't
it2 What can it be? I'll ask the brake
man. Brakeman
Yes. madam?
Where does that spicy smell come
FROM?
From the engine, ma'am. We don't
use nothing but mummies for fuel on this
here line.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21

street way that seems TO think your
old mans a good deal of live one, ."
says /.
oh, he's all right at that game, -
says 'Stackpole; but outside of thar
he's an antiquated chump."
''SO?" says I. But there's your old
lady: now. she's what I'd call "a"
She's a whiny old fool" says he.
she don't know enough TO mind her
own business and let me mind mine g."
/ didn't let him get any further on
that tack. "Stacky." says /, well
have a little gentle exercise, right
now"
With that leads him out To tie sta
BILE. where I'd fixed up a kind Of a
gym. | was in such a hurry to get the
mitts on him that we didn't shed any
thing but our coats. Stackpole was
willing enough. He'd had a lot of box
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21

whites of his eyes was a scrambled egg
tint and when he lit a fresh dope stick
his fingers could hardly hold the match.
Got a full supply sof them?" says l.
only a couple of hundred" says he,
but my tobaccOnist will send up a
few dozen boxes tomorrow.
Sure enough, he did. and Mother
Whaley says if I put any more rubber
shoes in her kitchen stove she'll jump
the job I didn't mention my program
at the time, though. Staekpole and
me was only gettin' acquainted. Just
as a side issue he gave me his views on
the rough way his folks was usin
him.
It's a lot Of tOmmyTot. kicking up
such an internal row" says he. I've
got to enjoy myself, haven't l? They're
couple of OLD fossils"
There's a lot of gents down Wall
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21

ing lessons at one time and another
and he was some stuck on the way he
could handle the gloves.
Did he get hisn? Well say. with me
rememberin the nice way he had of
speakin' about his old lady. it's a Won
der I held in the way I did, 1t was
biff. bling! bang. and Stacky does d
pinwheel into the corner.
After he'd picked himself out from
under the grain chute the third time he
yanks off the pillows, steadies himself
against the wall. and rips out, kind
of panty like: Il say, now. I don't
want to be maUled around like that.
won't put up with it,"
Mo- SAYS I. Then maybe you'd
like d different kind of exercise. Any
thing to Oblige."
So l takes him out into the back
yard where Dennis was dOin 4 bass
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21
LETTERS TO A DIPLOMAT.

When Andrew D. White was ambas-
sadOr 10 Germany he received some
queer letters from Americans.
Perhaps the funniest Of all was
mandatory epistle from an old lady
living i'm the west who inclOsed in her
letter four pieces OF white linen, each
some six inches square.
We are going 10 have a fair I'm our
church she wrote. "and I am making
an autograph quilt. I want you TO get
me the autograph of the emperor. the
empress. and the crown prince, and tell
them to be careful not to write too near
the edge of the squares. as a seam has
to be allowed FOR putting them to-
gether"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21
TIME TO TURN HIS SHIRT.
philadelphia LEDGER

The late Governor Parsons of Alabama
was one of those feW sOutheruers who
espoused the Union cause during the civil
WAT.
At the time of the trouble he was a
member of the Alabama legislature. and.
to the indignation of his southern friends
who had elected him To office, he voted
against secession.
Soon afterward he wrote his wife that
as his supply of shirts was exhausted.
he desired her TO send him more as soon
as possible. Mrs. Parsons. Jealous
southerner. answered I'm note remark
able for its brevity and point Without
prelude or fOrmalty she wrote.
You have turned your coat; you may
turn your shirt"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21

viol solo with a bucksaw, WOrkin' up
a dead tree into stove lengths.
It's your turn now, Stacky," says L.
pitch in"
"What?" says he. Il didn't come
out here to work
It's either that or the gloves" says
l. Suit yourself"
He didn't take long to make up his
mind Stacky want real skillful with
the saw. but that was his choice. He
said shown il through that hard
wood hurt his back and made
his arms ache and blistered
his hands. Yes, it was some rough
considerin' that the hardest work he'd
ever done had been pushin buttons and
liftin high balls. He stood it for near
an hour, though, before he slumped over
the sawbuck. So Dennis and l Tugs
him in and dumps him on a bed
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-06-21
MAGAZINE SECTION.
By SEWELL FO RID

Copyrighted by the Associated Sunday Magazines Incorporated
The Ordway new era., 1908-10-30
Anticipated Cause for Sorrow.

Ina came In from the country on her
fifth birthday TO visit her cousin May.
AT night they were put TO bed early.
An hour passed. when heart-breaking
sohs were heard from the children's
bedroom.
Whats the matter, children?"
asked Mays mother. entering the dark
room.
From under the bedclothes Ina
sobbed out: MAY won't give me any
OF her peanuts"
But May has no peanuts" replied
her aunt
Il know that" sobbcd Ina, but she
said II she did have peanuts she
wouldn't give me any."-The Define
ator.