davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-28

with altogether. would they not? That's
about the way of 1t at sea.
IF the matter had been left up to a vote
of the 5bluejackets, the marines would
have been removed from the ships long
before the days of the old Ticon. In fact.
when the Marine Corps was first estab
lished by the Continental Congress in the
year 1775 I'll bet the bluejackets Of that
period emitted a heap of growls about
the DANCED interfering sea soldiers.
You might just as we'll expect the citi-
Zens Of a city to succeed in policing the
city, after doing away with the police
force, as to expect bluejackets. rated for
police a man-o'war, which Is the present
project.
"A bluejacket is Just a bluejacket TO
another bluejacket, no matter II one Of
the men-o'-war's men does happen to
have a rating badge arm signifylng-as
will be the case under the new order
that he possesses police authority. Now.
in the view Of a naval sailorman a ma.
rine is a natural. traditional figure Of
vested authority. He's the soldier on
guard. He's the cop on the beat. He's
the man to steer clear Of II any devil
ment is on foot. He represents rules
and regulations. He is, IN a way OF
speaking. the eye of the skipper and the
first Luff. He's on the job solely and
exclusively for the purpose of seeing that
bluejackets don't make a doormat Of
discipline. Viewed in that light by the
bluejacket, the marine is figure Of
consequence and his presence on board Q
man-o-war an absolute necessity"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-28

matter how much 1 am outraged and i'm
posed upon. Your idea of the game Of
life is to let everybody stand and heave
bricks at you and never say a word. You
belong to the sheep species, I'm brief You
are just like the bulk of human beings
in that respect, though-I've got to admit
that. They'll stand for any old thing
They haven't got one good kick in 'em.
They stand around and permit themselves
to be robbed and frisked and trimmed and
plundered to fragile, and never word
of protest do they gargle out of their
systems. Well, that's not me, madam.
I'm a-teling you that. It's not Me! Not
muchi When / get 1T in the neck I've got
something to say for myself. never
was a sheep yet, and I'm never going to
be. that's ALL
Again Mrs. Jobson, after glancing the
situation over. discovered that there was
no particular comment necessary. and so
again she kept still.
IF people would only buck up and stand
together went on Mr.. Jobson, why,
they'd be able to do little bit of good
and get some justice for themselves. What
ought to happen right now Ia this: There
ought to be an Open-air mass meeting In
this mans town-oh, eight or ten open
air mass meetings-called by committee
of citizens to protest against this scandal
Gus outrage in the matter of turkey
prices.
There ought to be some light let In on
that kind of jobbery and juggling. And
the tens of thousands of people attending
these open-air mass meetings ought to be
solemnly pledged - sworn on their solemn
oaths. by jinks.-not to buy one single
ounce of turkey from the thieves this
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-28

plumber me through your
Really" ventured Mrs Jobson. this is
quite the most mystifying conversation
/ ever
Never you mind the mystifying part
of 1t, if you please" broke in Mr.. job
son. You know what I mean all right.
You know burned we'll that I'm talking
about these robbers that sell turkeys
around Thanksgiving. Here L see it
stated in the paper that they're holding
turkeys at from % to 30 cents a pound.
Loafers! They ought to be arrested
opportune for any comment on her part,
and so she kept still.
"Oh, you side with 'em against me, as
matter of course growled Mr.. job
son, not failing to observe her silence
Y"You're hand in glove with everybody
that takes a wallop at my pocketbook
Never yet knew you to take my end OF
anything. 1t isn't in you. ! suppose you
are firmly of the opinion. now that you
know which side of the matter | am on,
that these scoundrels are perfectly justi-
fed in cornering the turkey market be-
fore Thanksgiving, so that they can soak
people any old price that they ask for
their turkey meat on, the turkey day:
Hey? That your view?
why, not at ALL mildly replied Mrs.
Jobson, but. really, / can't see how it Is
going to do any good to become SO
wrought up over it and
'Oh, no, Of course you can't, chopped
Mr.. Jobson. You can't see any good in
anything / do or say. You expect me
to sit around like deaf and dumb per-
SON and never open my blamed mouth, no
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-28

not been so satisfactory. in the matter of
numbers. as they might be. even with
this allurement. How will enlistments be.
now that we can hold out 10 prospect of
sea service to men willing to take on
with the corps? That question presently
will be answered. 1t will be found mighty
difficult, I think to induce sound, EN-
ergetc men to enlist in the corps when
nothing better is held out to them than
the chance to keep guard over naval
stores. They'd rather go into the army
and be 'sure-enough soldiers as the
saying among them runs.
"Slow as enlistments have been at
times for the corps, we've always had a
bit OF an edge on the army in that we
could hold out to candidates for enlist
ment with us the certainty that they'd
be sure to get aboard cruising ships
strange countries for to see That pros
pect has even drawn many solid enlisted
men from the army to our corps After
an enlistment or with the land SOL
diers these men, tired of the monotony of
garrison life, have joined our outfit for
the chance to move about on the ships
and have a change of scene. Some of
our best enlisted men have thus come
from the army. They're disguised lot,
as I happen to know, now that the chance
for sea service has beeen summarily
taken from them.
But they're no more Disguised than
the enlisted men Of the corps, who, enter
ing the service direct from civil life with
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-28

rataplan Of such rough stuff as boot
soles where the same are most needed, In
record time.
The walters who don't wait. but who
sure do bounce. have got all of the mod
ern bouncing kinks down just the pattest
you ever saw or heard of. They know
just the precise moment when to put the
knee in the small Of the back of the giant
collegian who thinks that he'd make a
mouthful of Jeffries and Tommy Burns
combined and by the time they get him
to the door. with the knee-burrowing
holes in the middle of his spinal column.
he's lust the raggediest limp rag that the
human mind can conceive, and oh, SO
willing to be good if they'll only take
that knee out of his system.
Pretty fine at the flying wedge, too.
these bouncers dressed up like walters.
They can hold a Information and just
who are tossing asparagus all over-can
SCOOP 'em out into the dank, raw air just
so quick that really it's sin and a
shame and a scandal. really.
Saturday night last, along toward mid
night. l was having humble repast Of
graham waters and milk or something in
the grill of a hotel. It's nice grill. that,
and the persons who go there like the
atmosphere of high-grade calm. with, Of
course. plenty of subdued laughter and
agreeable chatter and SO on to temper
the calm that prevails around the place.
Enter party OF nine large. knobby.
flushed, noisy clips, with those vari-hued
ribbons on their little round college hats.
heavy shoes with extension soles and all
the rest of that gear OF the House OF
Splookenheimer magazine advertisements
that you're wearisomely familiar with.
They all had dabs Of the Harvard crimson
splattered IN some form or other on their
persons. Each and every one of the
nine, 1t was perfectly plain to see. re-
Garded himself as the humorousest thing
that ever put on Q crocheted necktie of
his college color.
Now, none Of the some hundreds of
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-28

IAN answer to this might be that the
army men, too have to do their regular
duty stunts in the mean foreign climes
But they have fine and dandy garrisons
in the states in which to do their soldier
ing when they get through with their
foreign tours, and great variety Of such
posts in this country There isn't any
great variety of navy yards or arsenals
or storehouses for us when, under this
new order, we get back, from our tours
in the hot and humid climates. More
over. the army men are thoroughly used
to their game. 1t is the game they have
always been led to expect, whereas this
new disposition of the Marine Corps COM
pletely revolutionizes the functions of our
outfit In a way of speaking. it's like
asking seals to stay on dry land-thelr
breeding grounds. say-all the time and
adjuring them never to go near the
water
Along with all the rest of the officers
and seasoned old non-coms of the corps
whose opinions on the subject are worth
anything, I am quite unable to figure out
just how the ships are going to get along
without the marines. Ever since there
military outfit for each ship Of war. Very
early in the game-as far back as the
days Of the Phenicians-it was found that
a military outfit completely different and
detached from the sailors was necessary
for the purpose Of policing the ships. The
President of the United States now has
among his many distinctions. the added
one of being the first commander-in-chief
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-28

that you are not aware of the fact that
In conformity with custom and in obedi-
ence to the proclamation Of the President
of the United States. tomorrow is or will
be Thanksgiving day?'
Il understand that, of course" said
Mrs. Jobson, but didn't I also understand
you to say that there was to be no turkey
in this house for Thanksgiving and that
We were to have liver and onions Or
Mr.. Jobson, his jaw dropping with what
seemed to be genuine amazement, cut in
right at this point.
''Oh, you understood that little Of airy
pers.fage I gave utterance to three or
four weeks ago to be the solemn stuff did
you?" he said. Huh! But what can I
expect from a woman who hasn't even a
sense of hunor? There's go
ing to be turkey here tomorrow. madam.
You can gamble on that. I've had
turkey on Thanksgiving day ever since I
was born. and I'm not going to let you
choke me off on that habit. take that
from me. I had turkey on Thanksgiving
long before I ever met you. and But,
shucks! ] am merely wasting time.
desire that you go out and purchase a
fifteen-pound young hen turkey at once.
Don't make any difference what it costs.
Gotta have turkey. Get your hat on and
start for the market right away before all
the good turkeys are gone. II you
please
Mrs Jobson put her hat on and started
out as If bound for the market, but she
only ran in on a neighbor for a few
minutes. For. as matter OF fact. Mrs.
Jobson had bought a choice specimen OF
turkey quite early Wednesday morning.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-28

of the country, a man connected with
one of our leading out-of-town dailies
A man who can poetiZe, sonnetize, lyri-
cate and carry cane. 4 man whose very
presence means that there will be riffs
in the cloud commonplace. and to whom
the world looks when it wants to have
something started.
For, see.
spects to Bacchus, taking from the white
aproned agent of the jolly god many po-
tions and portions of the golden fluid
which turns red corpuscles into fiery little
chariots driving hither and yon upon the
highway Of the senses. makes them little
joy wagons on the road to bliss. makes
them each whoop and shout and dance
and sing. In other words he was lit up
and on the warpath. -
So of course he bought the first wild
cat that was offered to him. Any one
who is genius and lit up would buy a
wild cat because they are not for sale
often. and when one is for sale. why a
genius would buy one. 1 hope that SEN
tence is allowed to stand. too. because 1t
just expresses what I want to say. So
the genius bought one while he was lit
up.
Now it was his intention to turn the
wild cat loose in the White House
grounds. ring the bell tell 'em what was
doing and then telegraph a long exclusive
story about it to his paper. Hurrah!
Great chance! Splendid head! Wonder
full precocity! Anything you please!
But did he?
You would think he would, would YOU
not? You would think that any one who
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-28

the one purpose of enlarging their view
OF the world. and not yet having been as
signed to ships, have now been fatty cut
off from the chance of ever patrolling the
deck of ship. These men feel as if
they've been fooled and imposed upon.
and l fear that We'll have some surprising
desertion figures to tabulate for the next
annual report of the commandment. And
when We go into the big cities with our
enlistment placards and ask husky, ambi
tious chaps to take on with us without
being able to tell them that after they've
been drilled and set up a bit, they'll be
hiked off to cruising ships, l can see the
questioners of our recruiting non-coms
beating it in the opposite direction-the
kind Of men we want, particularly. We've
always contrived to get fellows of little
higher quality to enlist with us than the
army folks. because 1t takes men of a
certain amount of spunk and imagination
and git-up to generate the feeling that
they'd like to find out what the world in
general looks like. Presumably We'll al
ways-as long as the corps lasts, that Is,
and nobody now knows just how long
that will be-be able to pick up a raffish
mind lummoxing around. keeping a more
or less competent eye upon the docks and
navy yards and naval arsenals and so on.
SO long as they are amply and dantily
fed and coddled. But the whole tone of
our enlisted outfit will be distinctly low
cred.
'.As for the officers Of the Marine Corps,
this order separating us from the ships
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-28
g.. -@T%@@de7Te a<<S~ 60

and slathers Of things can happen within
the space of forty-eight hours.
"And so,' went on Mr.. Jobson. there
won't be SO much as the wishbone of a
turkey in this house on Thanksgiving
day. You needn't sulk. either. It's a
principle I'm standing on, not a caprice.
/ won't be gouged. I won't allow these
thieves to walk right up to me and go
through my clothes in that manner. You
needn't sit there and make faces over it.,
either. 1t won't get turkey into this
house, your faces, 1 can tell you that. l
like turkey just as we'll as the next pin
head, but 1 don't like 1t so much that
I'm going to allow gang of Cossacks to
ride me down and confiscate my wallet
just because everybody else In Washing
ton will be idiotic enough to do it. Now
remember this. If you please: No turkey
liver and onions. or steak. or lamb chops,
or goose and spinach. or gatherings. or
any old blamed thing. but nary bite of
turkey. The matter is now closed. L
have expressed myself in respect Of this
topic, and I desire, in fact I insist. that
my directions shall be carried out to the
letter. Now shall be greatly obliged to
you If you'll be kind enough to permit me
to read my paper for about ten minutes
in peace"
Mr.. Jobson got home from the Office
early Wednesday afternoon, and the first
question he asked Mrs. Jobson when she
greeted him in the hall was:
"Got the bird YETI
What bird?" naturally enough inquired
Mrs. Jobson.
What bird?' said Mr.. Jobson, bit
ironically. Am to understand, then,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-28

quiet men and women dining in the
Kniekerbocker grill cared so much as one
wistful dang whether these fellows re-
garded themselves as humorists or as
members of the bodyguard of the Bhizz-
bhang of Billebedad Nor. when 1t comes
to that, did any of them seem to be par
ticularly wrought up over the fact that
Harvard had won some kind of foot
ball match somewhere or other.
Nary wrought up. All that the hun
dreds of persons dining in that grill de-
sired was the chance, which they as
suredly were entitled to, to sit and par
take of their food and drink in a meas
urable degree of comfort.
On their way to the table that the head
waiter guided them to a number of these
nine celebrators made offensive remarks
to men and women seated at tables which
they happened to pass. The remarks
at whom the remarks were directed were
supposed to understand that they were
being kidded. Not only that, but several
Of them actually laid their hands upon
tables. One of them snatched a bit of
ribbon from the rear of the waist of
woman dining with an elderly man.
Nothing happened. however-just then.
The boisterous bunch, not particularly
choicy in their language, either, got
around big table, and the waiter select
ed for them put bread sticks and olives
and celery and radishes and such like at
their respective places. Then they began.
Olive chucking was the first stunt. They
all grabbed at their olives and began
hurting EN- at each other. They weren't
such good marksmen. either. and the n.y.
ing olives hit a lot Of people, women in
cluded. at the other tables.
The olives exhausted, they began blithe
ly tossing those sharp bread sticks at
each other. They didn't ring many bulls
eyes with the bread sticks. either. and so
folks at the other tables had to stand for
a lot Of these missiles. They were just
getting ready to hurl their stacks OF celery
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-28

son. by hotels and restaurants. to act IN
the capacity of walters who don't wait.
They just stand around. in the rear.
sort o., and mostly out of the general
view. logged out in regular walters toys.
and with napkins carelessly tossed over
their arms. Just like regular walters.
Sometimes they don't have much to do.
Usually. though, they're right busy. Es-
pecially on the evenings following a big
foot ball game in some such a suburb OF
New York as Princeton or New Haven or
Cambridge or some such place.
Because, you perceive, on such an even
ing after big foot ball game, why. all
Of the collegiate clips, or a hull lot Of
them. mooch right down here to New
York to celebrate. If their team has won.
why, it's all the Joy and they've got to
celebrate a heap If their team has lost.
why. it's the gloom, and they've got to
dssipate the gloom.
So the curriculum cut-ups swoop upon
the hotel cafes and restaurants of New
York in groups and parties, and each and
every hotel cafe or restaurant that thus
they swoop upon they seem to imagine
that they own in fee simple. or, at any
rate have a large per cent blanket
mortgage on the premises.
This curious hallucination or obsession
on the part Of the foot ball game cele-
brants-namely. that they own or have
mortgage on every public eating place
that they swoop upon-naturaly causes
them to become. more or less spectacular
over their food and drink.
And their spectacularousness makes it
mighty blamed uncomfortable for ladies
ard gentlemen who in the pursuit OF calm
and repose and food and such like also
occupy tables i'm the restaurants or hotel
cafes hereinbefore alluded to-
Now. If you were out dining somewhere
with the wife or the one girl or somebody
like that and the latter We're all raiment-
ed UP with the best scenery in her ward
robe you wouldn't be just tickled to the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-28

knocks us about as high as GilderoyS
kite. il not a little higher. The charm
of the service will be quite destroyed for
may have been a bit of grumbing in the
past on the part of officers of the Marine
Corps, as there always Is on the part or
naval officers. about excessive sea service.
But when you get down to bedrock. all
of us like our regular share of sea serv-
Ice. When things begin to get dry and
tucked I'D and monotonous on the beach.
we all like to pack our kits and start on
for our tricks at sea. To absolutely cut
Off our sea service with one stroke of the
pen is simply to knock all Of the variety
and change and fun out Of the service so
far as we are concerned. Just as 1t COM
pletely destroys the enticement of the
service so far as the enlisted men are
concerned. Under the new order OF
things we'll get some stationary foreign
service, of course, but pretty nearly all
of that foreign service will be in parts
OF the world where the climate Is either
unhealthful. enervating or generally
measly. Our corps. for example is book
ed for practically all of the guard duty
down around the Panama canal, as, In
deed. our men have done virtually all of
that guard work since the digging OF the
canal was begun. There isn't and
couldn't be any duty much more miser-
able than that Panama duty. Ask any
man. officer or enlisted, who's ever
soldiered down there and he'll tell you
what he thinks of it in good, round
language.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-28

all over the grill when it happened.
No head waiter or manager approached
their table to humbly request them to be-
have, gentlemen, and to act more seemly.
Nothing of the sort. Presumably, the
manager of the hotel took it for granted
that collegians ought to know how to con-
duct themselves in the presence of ladies
and gentlemen without any such stroking
and coddling and persuading and SO on.
Nope. There was no warning whatever
But a gang of fifteen husky, well-trained.
right-on-edge fellows with square jaws
and thick necks. all of them diked out in
upon the table. They marched from the
rear of the grill, three abreast through
the various aisles formed by the tables
just as if they were doing some kind of
a little perfunctory fire drill. or were
going off duty, or something like that.
They formed a ring around the table
at which the nine leases and hoydens
were seated, and with their keen eyes
they picked their men. Then they look
ed at the main man of their flying squad
ron. awaiting his signal
"'Raus NIT 'em.'' said the main man
in quiet tone, just as If he were asking
for the loan of match. and thus the
proceedings began, decently and in order.
chairs. mostly by the scruff of their cute
coat collars. They all spluttered and
tried to turn around to put UP an argu-
ment. But there wasn't any chance for
that. Ihey were all taken from Dehlnd.
The bouncers diked out as walters didn't
say a word. Saying isn't their speciality.
II one OF the nine did contrive to half
turn around. he got kick on the chin
that promptly faced him toward the door
again. Busy knees were placed in the
backs of each and all Of the nine. Their
arms were pinned to their sides as II
roped. for all their cunning little gymna-
stun stunts UP at their college.
No noise, no scandalous- proceedings. no
rough house at all. Scarcely held, the nine
were kneed right square to the stairs that