davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30

sneezihg is tho best brain clearer
known. Many persons conclude an
attack OF faintness. or fainting, with
a violent sneeze. Our ancestors TOOK
snuff from a belief In the efficacy OF
sneezing But tobacco 80 taken Is In
Part absorbed by the blood and hurts
the system.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30
And Dear at rhatI

In the story Of his life Hall Game
tells the following anecdote of Rossetti:
"Going one day with some of his
artist friends to n tavern in Soho. RIOS.
setti came upon an oil painting of the
crudest color and most hideous lie.
sign, 80 huge as to cover the whole
side Of room and SO grotesque In
subject that they all burst Into roars
Of laughter at the sight of 1t, Such
unseemly merriment nettled the tav.
ern keeper, who began to demonstrate.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30
Not Her choiee.

An east side resident tells of the
following conversation heard at a
breakfast table between mother
and n small child. The mother in
question was reprimanding her
daughter for speaking unkindly of
her father.
"You never hear me speak in
such disrespectful manner of your
father" she contended.
"Well, mamma, but You choosed
him; didn't."-Portland 0rego-
HAN. -
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30

What About the Other Eyer
A small boy was playing with the
scissors, and his kindly old grandmoth-
er chided him.
"You mustn't play with the scissors,
dear. 1 know little boy like you who
was playing with a pair of scissors just
like that pair, and he put them in his
eye and put his eye out. and he could
never see anything after that"
The child listened patiently and said
when she got through the narrative:
"What was the matter with his other
eyer
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30
MUST Have Had Experiences.

When DR.. Thompson. a distinguished
Scotch clergyman, was minister of
Markinch he happened to preach from
the text, "Look not upon the wine
when 1t is red in the cup" from which
he made most eloquent and impress.
I've discourse against drunkenness,
stating its evil effects on the heart,
head and purse. Several of his obser-
vations were leveled Mt two cronies
with whom he was well acquainted
who frequently poured out libations
to the rosy god. at the dismissal OF
the congregation the two friends met.
the doctor being close behind them.
did you hear, JohnnieT quoth the
one
'Did heart? Wha' didna heart? ]
ne'er winked an e'e the hall sermon"
"Aweel, an what thought We o'tT
"Adeed, Davie, think he has been
lad in his day or he couldna dis
coorse sea weel about 1t. Ah, he's been
n slee hand, the meenister."
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30
hewara Of Proora.tInatlon

Remember that the present is tn,
time to act don't walt on the future
the present is yours. but the future IL
not, 1t may never Anock at your door
What may be done at any time will
be done at no time. II a thing Is wort
doing, don't stand shiyering on thu
brink. but jump in and do 1t
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30
Amazon River ExpedItIon.

NTHaNUII ''INOI - F'DS1'
Dr. w. G. Farabee. of the anthropo.
logical department at Harvard univer-
sIty, with three students, will next
year conduct research expedition
about the headwaters of the Amazon,
For time base will be established
at Arequlpa, Peru. Tho party Will be
gone three years.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30
A poubtful AoeompIl.hment.

"A man who suffered badly went to
a specialist and after ten difficult les.
sons learned to say quite distinctly.
"Peter Piper picked peck of picked
peppers" His friends congratulated
him upon this splendid achievement.
Eyes" said the man doubtfully. 'but
it's s-s-such d-d-deucedly d-d-d-difi-
cult rem mark to w-w-work into an
ondin-n-nary c-c-conyers-s.sa-tion, y
know"
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30
Paprlka lis the Thing.

Benevolent Guest-I hope. my dear
Mrs. Flathrane, that you never allow
the sauce OF your hosrItable meats to
be seasoned with acerbi.y.
Puzzled but Plucky Mrs. F-Dear
me. no, sir! We always use paprika.
Baltimore American.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30
Both of ono Mind.

Both OF One Mind.
A henpecked gentleman determined
to have a night with his friends against
the will OF his wife. He was resolved
that he would go, and she was equally
certain that he should not. He did not
appear, however, and his friends. miss
ing him, for fun invaded his residence.
There they found both him and his
wife sitting in their chairs fast asleep.
He had given her an opiate that he
might slip away. and she had given
him one that he might not.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30
HOW to Avoid AppendlcItis

How TO AVOID AppendIcItIs
Most victims of appeudioitis arr
those who are habitually constips.
ted. Foley's Orino Laxative curet
chronic constipation by stimula
ting the liver and bowels and re.
stores the natural notion of tn,
bowels. Foley's Orino Laxative
does not nsuseate or grippe and il.
mild and pleasant to take. Refust
substitutes Sold by all druggist
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30
Mark rwaln's oamo Of billiards.

Mark Twain's Game Of Billiards.
One day Mark Twain was In n BILL
lizard saloon, when particularly I'M
prcpossessing looking man approached
him and asked him to play game.
The humorist consented, and they be-
gan In earnest.
"I'll be perfectly fair with YOU" said
the stranger. "I'll play you left hand
Cd"
~ felt hurt" said Mark Twain when
he told the story, "for he was cross
eyed. freckled and had red hair, so /
determined to teach him a lesson for
his audacity. But he won first shot
and ran clean out, taking my half
dollar, and all got was the oppor-
tunity to chalk my cue"
Tho wonderful play of his opponent
SO astonished Mark that he exclaimed.
"Great Scott, If you can play like that
with your left hand I'd like to see you
play with your rlghtF'
II can't" replied the stranger us he
sidled out of the room. you see, I'm
left handed"
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30

Most diefguring skin eruptions.
scrofular pimples. rashes. eto. duo
to impure blood. Burdook Blood
Bitters lie olensing blood tonic.
Makes you clear, eyed. clear. brain.
ed, olear-ekinned.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30
30 Yourself Alwayo.

Whatever you are by nature, keeprto
1t. Never desert your own line Of tai
.ent. Be what nature intended you
for and you will succeed. Be any
thing else and you will be ten thou
sand times worse than nothing.-syd-
ney Smith.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30
THE cHELDREN LIKE IN
EIENNEDY'S LAXATIVE
COUGH SYRUP

II you haven't the time to OK.
ercise regularity. Doap'O ReRuletS
will prevent constipation. They
induce u mild, easy heallhfultAo.
tion ofthe bowels without gripping.
Ask your druggist for them sbO.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30

Stop eeraohe in two minutos;
toothaohe or pain of burn or scald
in Eve minutes; hoarseness in one
hour; musoleaohe two hours acre
throat in twelve hours-Dr. ThomaO
Electric Oil, monarch over pain.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30
Ever NotIeo9

A fellow often gets a jar f1.r-=
Upon the stair
do declare.
An through a step he reaches fog
That isn't there,
Thus oft an apprehension throws
Us with twist.
I think of all the earthly woes
Upon the list
The ones that Jar us most are those
That don't exist.
--Louisville Courier Journal.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30
Her own Doctor.

tut OWT DoOtoT'
A Washington woman recently hired
ncgress. Going to the kitchen one
day sho was amazed to find the negress
sitting on the floor, with her hair
standing out from the head like n
black nimbus. The girl was pulling
one curly lock and then another In such
way as to suggest that she had sud-
denly lost her reason.
"What on earth nre you doing.
Mary" gasped the lady OF the house.
"Nawthin', ma'am, only has got n
sore throat an was Jest tryin' to find
de lock dat would pull nah palate up
an relieve do tickle"
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30
oursa nay Es.er ana sammer


Cold.
A s Nusbaum. Batesyille, Ind.
'writes; Last year I suffered for
three months with a summer cold
so distressing that IL interEered
with my business. / had many
of the symptomsof hay fever, end
a dootor's prescription did not
reach my case. aud Itook aeverA
medicines which seemed only to
sggravate it, Fortunately 1 IN
cited upon having Foley's Honey
and Tar. 1t quickly CURED me-,
My wife has since used Foley'S
Honey and Tar with the same
suocess.n Sold by all druggists.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30
Two Jokou on Frederick wardo.

During performance in the west by
Frederick Warde curious error was
made by the compositor who "set up"
the bill for "The Tempest" The part
enacted by Warde was that of Pros
pero, rightful duke Of Milan, and this
the compositor billed In this wise:
Prospero, Frlghtful Duke of Milan..,.
Observation-Disclosures. Frederick Warde
Now, the player, who has keen
sense of humor. was sufficiently struck
by the fun of the thing to forward n
marked copy of the Playful to his
daughter, then in the east. Miss
Warde, too. was appreciatlve of the
compositor's effort, for she sent her fa-
Their the following note:
Dear Dad-Inasmueh as have seen the
performance. fail to see wherein tho
program was wrong.
-Lippincotts.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30
Look Into snaoe.

A young man whose eyes had been
troubling, him consulted Rev York
ocullst. "What you want to do" said
the specialist. us to take n trip every
day on the ferry or in New Jersey,
Long Island-any place where you can
see long distances. Look up and down
the river, across fields or. IL tho worst
comes to the worst, go on the top OF n
skyscraper and scan the horizon from
that point. The Idea Is to get distance.
You use your eyes great deal and al.
ways at close range. You can't use
them any other way In town. Even
when not reading or writing the vision
Is limited by small rooms and narrow
streets. No matter In what direction
you look, there is n blank wall not far
away to shut on sight"
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30

Itoh'ng piles provoke profanity,
but profanity will not ours them.
Doan's Ointment cures itohing,
bleeding or protruding piles after
years of sutferipg. at any drug
store.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30
Hoy,a ,rll,isY

. u -
We offer One Hnndred Dollars
Reward for any case of catarrh that
cannot be CURED by Halle Caterrh
Cure. FL Cheney, Toledo. o.
We,theun undersigned, have known
b; j Cheny for the last 10 yeare
aud believe him perfectly honor
able in all business transactions
and financially ableto Garry out
any obligations nade by his firm
Welding, Kinnan & Marvin,
Wholesale Druggists,
Toledo, Ohia
Halls Caterrh Cure is taken in.
ternally. aotinR directly upon the
blood and mucous surfacesiof the
system Testimonials sent free,
Price Too per bottle. Sold by all
druggists. Take Hsll's Family
Pills for constipation.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30
Moot tho signal.


hallway men-conductors, engineers
ind brakemen-nre so accustomed to
communicate with each other by
means of gestures that the habit Of
looking for such dumb signals be-
comes kind of second nature. In.
this connection western railway off,
cinl tells of an amusing incident In
that part of his state where 1t is 30
common for cattle to be run over that
the manager of one "jerkwater" line
required his engineers to report all
Buch accidents, with full particulars
us to place, time and circumstance.
One day.a complaint was received at
headquarters that valuable COW had
been Killed on certain dry and by n
certain engine. The case was referred
TO the proper department but refer
ence to the files showed that the en-
gineer had failed to report such all
accident. Accordingly lie was sent for
and asked why he had omitted to re.
port the matter.
~ didn't know hurt the cow" he
said.
"Then you remember hitting herr
, eyes, and slowed up as she rolled
over on her back. But she waved her
feet for me to go ahead, and so con
cluded She was all rIght."-Harper''
Weekly.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30
Doing His Best.

DVTHU TIIb bebI'
a fat man entered restaurant that
served dinner at the fixed price of rs
cents. He knotted a napkin about his
neck and fell to heavily-so heavily, In
fact, that the waiter, after a whispered
conversation with the proprietor, mp.
preached him and said:
"Beg, pardon, sir. but I'll have to
charge you quarter extra, you eat 80
much"
The fat man, red and short of breath
from his excessive gorglng, said ear
nestly:
"Sor goodhtss' sake, don't do thatl
I'm nearly dead now from eating rs
cents worth. If you make mo eat an.
other quarter I'll bust"
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30

Mrs. Besant says that theosophy can
cure civic evils. but we fear the itch.
ing palm Of the grating official is one
evil 1t can never cure.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30
Would Have Tho Author.

During n performance of Sophocles'
tragedy of "Antigone" at the Theater
Royal, Dublin, the gallery gods, a very
important portion Of the audience In
that city, were greatly pleased and, nc.
cordlng to their custom, called for the
author.
"Brlng out sopherclazer some one
shouted.
After awhile the manager appeared,
and there WAS general shout until he
explained that Sophocles had been dead
1000 years and more and could not
well come.
'Then chuck US out his mummy
came back In answer from the gallery.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30

That report about George Washing.
ton lodging his taxes comes too late
to, warrant any effort to put him in
the undesirable citizen class.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30
RooseveIt and Dennis.

ROCKWELL ana Dohnlos
Theodore Roosevelt has a fine sense
OF humor," said an old time New
Yorker. "when he was police com
missioner he used to go around and
keep tabs on the police himself BE
came upon one standing at bar one
night before a large. full grown glass
of whisky which he was about to
consume. Roosevelt touched him on
the shoulder
"twhnt is your nameT he asked
"'what business Is that of yoursP'
the cop demanded. What's your
nameT
"'NIy name is ROOSEVELT answered
that gentleman.
1.-THE cop drank the liquor, set down
the glass. wiped his lips with the back
Of his hnnd and then turned on the
commissioner.
"'If your name is ROOSEVELT said
he, my name Is Dennis.'
"Roosevelt let him or with repri-
mand."
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30
His Military Title.

His Military Title.
a traveller in Texas says that he was
riding along a cattle trail near the New
Mexico line when lie met rather pom
pous looking native of the region, who
introduced himself rs Colonel Higgins
of DEVILS River. Were you colonel
In tho Confederate armyf" the traveller
asked. "No, sab" "On the Union side.
them? "No, sab; never was In no
wnh." lifelong to the Texas ran.
gers pr cNo, sab; / do not" "Ah,
Soc; you command one of the state NIL
ilitia regiments" mo. sab; don't
don't know nothing about soldering"
nWhere. t.ieD. did you net the. rank Qe
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30
eho Missed Him.

A poor woman who kept a sman
chop in a northern village and who
was troubled with a husband who
could scarcely be considered cred
1t to the family one day found her
self widow through the sudden
demise Of her spouse. A lady who
frequently made small purchases at
the shop called to see her and TO
offer her sympathy, though well
knowing that the mans death must
In a certain sense come as relief,
as the wife had often suffered from
his violence. She was not, however,
quito prepared for the stoical way
In which the wife took her bereave-
ment.
Said the lady,
II am IRE, Mrs. G., you must
miss yoM ..usbaEd."
"Well, mum, It do sem queer to
go into the shop and fiH Iomething
In the till."--London Tit-Rits.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30

The world is full of resurrechons.
Every night that folds US up in dark
ness is death. and those Of you that
have been out early and have seen the
first of the dawn Will know 1t. The
day rises out of the night like being
that has burst Its tomb and escaped
into life.-George Macdonald.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30
Indian Repartee.


An old time Indian agent who was n
militia colonel desired to impress the
Indians with the magnitude of his dig.
nifty. He dressed himself in full uni.
form, with his sword by his side, and.
rising in the council, told them that
one reason why the great father had
had 80 much trouble with his red chill.
dren was that he had sent civilians to
them.
"You are Warriors" he said, "and
when the great father saw me he said
4 will send this man, who is great
warrior, to my red children. who nrc
warriors. and they will hear his
words"
An old chief arose and. surveying tho
speaker from head to foot, said calmly
"Since was a small boy have heard
that white men have great warriors. l
have always wanted to see one. 1 have
looked upon one, and now am ready
TO die"
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30
Each Bud blossoms But onoo.

-IWVII DuU UIVuOVIIIv wv S''NN' h
Each bud blossoms but once, and
each flower has but It's minute Of per-
feet beauty. So In the garden of the
soul each feeling hus, as 1t were, its
towering moment, its one and only
second of expansive grace aud royal
radiance. Each star passes but once
In the night through the meridian over
our heads and glitters there but for
an instant. SO In the heaven of the
mind each thought touches its zenith
but once. and In that moment NIL its
brilllancy and all Its sovereign great
ness culminate.-HenrI Frederic Amiel.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30

eoioneif cTs a kGnnei by marriage.
sal1Y' .'By marriagef How's thatT@
az married the widow OF q kunnel sab
-Kunnei Thompson Of Waco"
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-12-30

Buy your oorsets and hose at
Mrs. L. j. Williamson's.
The Dakota chief. (Gann Valley, Buffalo County, S.D.) 18??-1913, 1908-02-13

derers sprang up. They leaped with
savage yell toward King Carlos, and
when within few yards lifted their
rifles.
Bullets from several pieces pierced
the body of his majesty and Of Crown
Prince Luiz, and they fell from their
seats. Prince Manuel, the younger son,
was given a flesh wound, but Queen
Amelia escaped without hurt. The
queen seemed to understand the danger
of the situation more than her con-
sort or children. AS the assassins
raised their guns her majesty stood
up and endeavored with motherly intu-
ition to shield the crown prince. Queen
Amelia was too late. The young man,
who was an easy target for the assass-
ins, plunged forward and fell ON his
face In the bottom of tie coach.
Death Comes Quickly.
The king and the crown prince each
were shot three times and were scarce
ly breathing when the guards gently
lifted them from the carriage and car
ried them to the marine arsenal near
by. AS the attendants placed his maj
esty in q comfortable position he was
noticed to gasp and then sink into
death. Crown Prince Luiz expired al
NEST as soon as he was brought into
the arsenal
There were many evidences that the
plot to kill Portugal's monarch had
been planned to the minutest detail.
King Carlos had been warned of lis
danger and an extra strong escort was
In attendance. The fact that the
assassins easily outwitted this COM
pany gave rise to rumors of treachery,
but no substantiation is obtainable.
King Carlos within twelve hours re-
ceived information that Premier Fran
co was to be killed by the revolutiOnists
and that he would be disposed of at
the same time. TIE idea was, so the
king was told, to overthrow the mon
archy. The people were weary Of Op-
preston; were confident that the reign
ing dynasty was behind Franco in all
his repressive measures, and therefore
we're ready to create a new power.
The Dakota chief. (Gann Valley, Buffalo County, S.D.) 18??-1913, 1908-02-13

country, whicE seems on the verge Of
being plunged into the throcs of rev.
olution, with all the attendant horrors
and bloodsred. Throughout the city
CONSERVATION reigned
Queen Maria Pia. the mother Of King
Carlos; the Duke of Oporto, lis broth
cr: number of ministers and court
officials FASTENED at once to the ar
senal when the news reached them of
the attack upon the royal family.
The cOld-blOOded murder sent a thrill
Of horror throughout the country, even
among those who have been working
politically for the establishment event
ually Of a republic. and sorrow Is ex-
pressed on every hand at the dreadful
end of the king and the crown prince.
At the first blush it would seem as
though the assassination was the work
of anarchists and not of republican
SympathiZers. Nevertheless, the STIR
ring events Of the last few weeks have
prepared the people for some startling
ION. III ulSCDNtIy VI plOL
after plot, as we'll as the discovery Of
many secret stores Of weapons and am
munltion, have demonstrated beyond
peradventure the existence Of deter
mination on the part of large body
Of the Portuguese to overthrow tie
present conditions and proclaim re-
public.
In April, 1898, an attempt was made
on King Carlos life as he was being
driven through Lisbon, but 1t met with
complete failure. On Jan. 80, 1896, an
anarchist made an attempt upon the
king while the latter was returning
from the palace in an open carriage
after drive. The anarchist threw a
heavy stone, which narrowly missed the
kings head, but hit the aid-de-camp rid
ing with him, injuring him severely.
Manuel II. Is King.
In Lisbon Sunday Prince Manuel was
proclaimed king of Portugal, succeed
ing his father Carlos, who, with the
crown prince, Luiz Philippe, was SHOT
down in the streets. The kings proc
iamatiOn, signed by himself as Dom
Manuel H., and countersgned by all
the ministers, was read from the bal
The Dakota chief. (Gann Valley, Buffalo County, S.D.) 18??-1913, 1908-02-13
Whole Popu!ace Aroused by Brutal
Repression, and Capital of Little
Nation Is in Turmoil.
RE6IciDES SLAIN BY GUARDS
Mother Throws Herself in Front of
Heir to Throne, Trying to Shield
His Body from Bullets.

King Carlos of Portugal and the
Crown Prince Luiz Philippe were shot
to death in Lisbon Saturday, as they
sat in the royal carriage, by a band
of revolutionists. His majesty, accom-
panied by Queen Amelia, Crown Prince
LuiZ and Prince Manuel. were return
ing from the villa ViCosa, where they
had been temporarily residing. when a
company of men leaped from behind a
barrier, and, levling carbines at the
royal fanny, fred. The move was so
sudden that none of the kings guards
could prevent the assassination. Imme-
diately after the ragicides had fred,
however, the police returned with Il
volley and killed three of them.
The royal family was driving in an
open carriage Indifferent, it would mp
pear, to the secret intrigues which eave
been fomenting against the throne. The
carriage was being driven along at a
moderate pace when, just as the We
hicle rounded a bend, the armed Inur-