davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-01

atrophy of the imagination and possess
no sense of humor whatever and they'd
be sorely offended if you shot it at them
just in the way here indicated
Therefore there's only one way out Of
1t. and that is to run when YOU see these
returned European tourists coming
Best way is to boiler at them when
your about sixty feet away from them
''Hay-o, there. hear you've been abroad.
You had a fine time, hope. Well. s'long,
I'm on my way" and then pick up your
moccasins ard lope for the cacti in the
elsewhither direction just as fast as the
speed laws permit.
All of this goes similarly for the people
who just now are getting back from their
little old summer vacations.
They. too, are the stanchion-pnners.
They likewise are obsessed with the
strange. whinsy notion that other folks
want to hear all about where they spent
their summer vacations and what they
did and how they did It, and so on.
They've got the little narrative all re-
hearsed long before they hit the Union
station, and it's their deliberate inten-
ton to unleash it on everybody they
know just the very minute they meet up
with folks.
It's hard to dodge or flag them Still,
it can be done. There are methods
Let's explain. You're on your way out
to your lunch, for example. and you're
sort of hungry and gummy and out of
sorts. and don't feel much like talking
or listening. when around the corner
comes a-thumping a fellow with a labori-
ously accumulated coat of tan and a
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-01

ditto his cuffs. the rivulets were stream
ing down his face, his hair was glued to
his head In stringy ropes Of perspiration
and there was wet spot showing even
on the back OF his light coat
Whee"' he spluttered as soon as he
stepped into the hail. where Mrs. Jobson.
cool looking. as cool iced cantaloupe, in q
fresh kimo2o. met him with a sympa-
thetic expression. "Whee-ow! If this
DANCED town hasn't got Tophet skinned
seven ways from the jack for heat then
l don't know the difference between a
bonfire and pound of raisins. Yee-ow!
but It's sizzling! Never experienced such
day In my life. Temperatures 80 on
the avenue and still a-climbin' I'm
soaked through-look a-here at this shirt!
Vince! I'll bet all records for heat are
broken today! Say, get me out some
clean duds. Geeminently but I'm burn
ing up! No use attacking. this is the hot.
test summer l ever knew i'm all my life!
Where's there a fan? Gimme a fam
wish you'd turn on the cold water in the
tub. Maybe l can cool out for about ten
minutes that way. Wow! but it's baking
roasting. r-r-r-roasting! Why, say. IL I
hadn't quit work just when I did
Just then Mr.. Jobson's eye happened 70
fall upon that placard that he'd manu-.
featured and pinned up on the previous
evening. He saw that Mrs. Jobson saw
that he'd caught sight of it, He grinned
sheepishly.
They're on me-" he gurgled. bravelv.
as he started upstairs to change his duds
Tear that fool thing down, and then 90
out and buy yourself seven dollars worth
or Ice cream sodaSi + won't kick"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-01

saw that in those old days Of bluff and
superstition 1T was just as easy for a
CON manor woman-to throw a At
and come out of it with a brand-new
line of predictions as it would be for
modern to do the same thing along
more advanced lines. Yet, after all. can
quite get rid of the doubt. the little
grain of doubt. that perhaps somehow
just somehow-those prophets of old
might have been able. in a general way,
to pierce the curtain of the future and
obtain faint glimpse Of our world of
today One of those flying machine
prophecies was made way back in the
eleventh century - there were 9TH
ers before that, too. for all l know
and they have followed right along at
intervals ever since.
Right in this connection people
haven't yet ceased to discuss Jules
Verne's Twenty Thousand Leagues
Under the Sea" and to marvel that the
wonders of which he wrote, which at
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-01

pose in life. It's becoming harder and
harder every day for even the regulars
to get down their so-called oral bets a.
the tracks around here. for the cops,
uniformed and in plain clothes. are on the
job every minute. yanking the. suspected
bettors out of the gate and slamming
them into cells in battalons
The races themselves are not worth
seeing. even with bets down for all of the
good horses have been laid up. and the
animals that clomp around the tracks
now are OF the crab-crabby variety that
have been circling the Benning track
these many years. The purses that are
being offered by the race track people
are Of about the size of the purses that
used to be offered by the Iron Hill and
Alexander Island outlaw racing pro-
jectors, and the owners of horses that
are worth their weight in tallow or fer
Ing such animals for the purpose of get
ting hold Of little inconsequential wisps
of gum money.
The announcement that Mr. Hughes will
again be candidate for governor of the
state Of New York has. naturally. enough,
coiled a nimbus of profound and impene-
trable gloom around the racing gang. who
fondly hoped that Mr.. Hughes would
eliminate himself from the headship OF
affairs in this state at the end of his
present term and give them a chance for
a new deal under governor who. per-
haps. would view their game with more
favor. happen to know. however. that
Gov. Hughes intends. II the thing be
possible, to stay on the job Improbable
as it is to him. until the racing game in
this neighborhood is thoroughly wiped
out. l had two-hour conversation with
the governor in the smoking compartment
Of an Albany-bound train while back
and it was decidedly interesting to OBJ
serve how his hirsuted chin hardened
when the racing matter came up for dis
cussion. I am not at liberty to quote
what Mr.. Hughes said on this subject in
the progress of that talk. But. judging
from his observations and the plan Of
campaign he indicated. I shall be mighti-
ly surprised If one-just one-running
race is run on a New York race track
next year. CLARENCE L. CULLEN.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-01
OLE MOO YAWK IN ITS PLEASURES AND ITS TR1BULATIONs

having shown that they weren't going to
cooperate, the thing gradually slumped
down. coming to a complete finish when
the lady who organized the anti-noise
movement quit New York in excusa BILE
disgust and took up her residence IN
Paris.
1t appears however. that New York
wasn't just ready to stop its noise when
the anti-noise society was in existence
Now it is ready. Gen. Bingham, the po-
lice head suddenly made up his mind
less than a month ago that New York
was the Bedlamest town for noise on top
of the earth and he proceeded to dig up
a whole armful of anti-noise ordinances
that had been observed only In the breach
since they were spread on the city's law
books. The towns entire force of cops
were put on the trail of the noise makers,
and now. presto! you ought to experience
the comparative peace we have over here
The ruffians who, five or six to one
huckstering wagon. used to rave up and
down one block for hours, bowling Della
waiuh pee-eeee- acheS! at the top of
their hoarse miXed-ale voices have had
the cops quietus put upon them. The
barrel-house buns who, to gouge easy
mark nickes from inexperienced Ones
used to cut through the side streets,
bawling ''WuXtry! All about the Wabble-
wibble-o wchee-giggy- blug-hawble acct
dent-thousand MISUNDERSTANDING" these
transparent and yet unclean rummies
have been herded up and warned never
to do ii again on peril of Blackwell's Is
land, where barrel-house booze is not
The 'I-cash-clo es" fiends who used to
moan their weird chant through all the
residential thoroughfares of New York
from dawn to daybreak have been canned
The scissors grinders who blared their
crumpled trumpets through the quiet Sec
tons by the score every day have been
squnched. The impulent jakey banks
that gathered in the courtyards Of uptown
apartment houses and footed their hideous
interpretations of hdeouser ragtime until
wild-eyed folks tossed money to them
from windows solely on the condition that
they would go ay-way-these have been
sent a-spinning The 'line-oop"' loafer-
the fellow who puts the fiat wash lines
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-01
determinedly refuse to resign

around and determinedly refuse to resign
their jobs.
And yet the ordeal that these women of
the chorus go through In the progress of
just one days rehearsing would. one
might easily imagine, cause them to toss
their jobs in. their employers faces and
abandon forever whatever dim and dis
NAL idea they possess of following a
stage career"
You wouldn't think that men could be
found in the world capable of bowling
and barking and curSing at women as the
trainers of these chorus women con-
stantly curse and bark and howl at them
through the long. long rehearsing day.
I know something about the way chaps
who ship on cattle boats are treated by
the foreman Of the gang. but l affirm
and aver and VOW and yum that the cat
tie boat fellows are handled with liberty
silk gloves compared with the manner
with which these rehearsing women of the
chorus are treated by their trainers.
The stage managers and musical lead
ers-the music leaders doing the piano
humping for the rehearsing work-are
stripped down to their pantaloOns and
undershirts during the rehearsing game.
and from the minute the rehearsal begins
they appear to be in a state of frenzy
Nothing that the choristers do is right
The women. not a few of them from re-
fined environments. are herded around
like animals. and every minute Of the
time they have to listen to the believing
and profane bawling of their Simon Le-
grees without any chance on earth of
get-back, save. Of course. their giving up
Of their chance to "shine" with the front
or rear row bunch when the show opens.
The piano FOUNDER smokes cigarettes and
sucks beer out Of bottles necessarily,
while he thumps the keys and at the
same time keeps up his harangue to the
wearied women about their woodenness
and their clumsiness and their low-brew-
edness and all that, and the stage man
ager, also pretty well beered and cigar
on the stage. pulling his hair and shout
ing incoherently at the women eager to
follow a stage career" until you'd think
that some of them would pick up the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-01

heaviest props they could lay their hands
to and proceed to at least try to beat
their roaring trainers" into mincemeAt
The men of the chorus are treated even
worse at these rehearsals. Now, no.
body expects very much Of chorus man.
But you wouldn't believe that creatures
at least shaped like male beings could
be found on the globe who would put up
with such unspeakable insults as are the
portion of these rehearsing chorus men
from beginning to end. But they too
tolerate it all like lot of dog-driven
sheep. until you feel like adding to their
misery by walking up to them and kick
ing them.
Some day some profound student Of
contemporary life will look into this thing
and then he will come forward and at
least strive to explain to us why It is that
normal sentient human beings. men
and women, are eager, thousands and
thousands Of them. to join the choruses
of these maybe-musical shows and there
by put themselves at the mercy of the
abysmal NUTS who do the organizing"
and directing Of such outfits.
AA
THE race tracks around New York
continue to totter along to their fin
ish. Only small handfuls Of racegoers
go to the tracks these days. The fraz-
zled contention of the race track sup
porters that the horse bugs visited the
tracks to ''get the air. and to "see the
green grass of the infield,' and all that
sort of moonshine. has been shown up
for what it was worth. Thereinay be a few
imbeciles in every community who would
surrender three-dollar note at a race
track gate every day for the purpose of
getting the air." and SO on, but the
slenderness of the crowds attending the
races at the New York tracks proves that
there are not so many of 'em around
here as might naturally have been ex-
pected. Never before has there been
such a clear exemplification of the singu-
larly obvious fact that horse bugs 90 to
race tracks for the single and solitary
purpose of betting on the ponies. II
they're allowed to. and for no other pur-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-01

up-has been man-handled into quietude
Even the near-chauffeurs who knowing
as little of the management of automo-
biies as they do of the ceramic art used
to snail their growing and barking and
splitting and spluttering machines up and
down a square until strong men volun-
tarily rang for the ambulance to have
themselves conveyed to the psychopathic
ward. there to have their sanity tested by
experts-even these lmost-chauffeurs
have been held up and told that If they
can't run motor cars there are plenty of
vacancies for motormen of New York
street cars-and it doesn't make any diff
ference how New York motorman runs
his car.
Yes. indeed. almost is 1t worth while liv-
ing In New York now, If you've no other
place in which to live.
OUCH rehearsing as there is going on
- in this town these soakish, sogful
days!
At 10 in the morning or whereabouts
you see. OH oddles and coolies of pretty
and supposititiously pretty girls and
women tripping along Broadway to the
extravaganza and comic opera rehearsals.
Right trig most of them look at that
frightfully early morning hour-for them
in their little summary suits and neat
boots and hats and things.
But you ought to see that same crew
of girls and women when they emerge
from their rehearsing places along toward
8 or 6 in the afternoon-or rather you
oughtn't to, for it wouldn't be nice of you
to stare at them when they're in such
shape They're wilted to rags. their
faces have justifiably worried and peev-
ish look. their fluttery little summery
dresses of the morning are like tea tow
els after prolonged use, their banks of
hirsute pufs are straggly and wet
ish and disarranged, the powder is
laid on their noses in streaks and-but
what's the use? It's all part of the gay
game of being show girl, this rehears-
ing, and il the victims don't take 1t as a
matter Of course they at least stick
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-01

enough. being an obedient child, the little
girl felt as if it was up to her to amuse
her little brother.
Casting about for ways and means to
amuse her little brother of four the orig
inal little girl discovered some little pots
of paint-green and red and brown paint
out in the buggy house. No sooner seen
than grabbed. For, as stated. this little
girl sure is there with the originality.
To divert her little brother, then, she
took the pots Of red and green and brown
paint and the brushes belonging thereto,
and she painted all over the nice family
surrey that had just been returned from
the carriage shop, newly vanished,
couple of days before. Yes. She just
greened and Drowned and redded the sur
rey something beautiful-wheels, body.
dashboard and all. By the time she got
through thus amusing her little brother,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-01

delight. she proceeded to paint him up
Indian wise.
There was still plenty Of the green and
ished decorating the surrey, and she APP
piled all of the colors impartiahy and
quite artistically to her little brother s
undraped pelt.
He was an Indian all right enough
when she got through notwithstanding
him.
She wasn't stingy with the paint at ALL
Not bit of it, She just slapped it on
him all over. She made his face just as
Indiany as could be with a mixture Of
all three colors of paint Then. to sort
of heighten the Indianish effect, she got
a lot of gallery dust from the road and
rubbed it into his paintiness.
The little brother liked it immensely.
He'd never had so much fun in his life
before It was fine enough for him to
be allowed to piddle around without a
stitch on, but to gambol around stitchless
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-01

as per instructions, the surrey looked like
the steam calliope wagon in circus pa
rade, only more variegated.
Casting about after this job was fin
ished for some other method of amusing
her little brother this exceedingly original
little girl. for whom great things are pre-
dicted when she grows up, suddenly had
a great idea.
ooh, say. let's play Indians!' she said
to her little brother, clappng her dear lit
tie hands gleefully. No sooner said than
done.
But the little girl meant Indian" in
stead of Indians" Her idea was that
her little four-year-old brother ought to
make a pretty good Indian. but that she
herself wouldn't or couldn't be made into
the likeness of an Indian.
Well, anyhow. she just was bound to
amuse her little brother. she certainly
was. And so she pulled all of his simple
little buds off, out yonder there in the
buggy house, and, to his keen, Growing
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-01

pulls one or the other of these opening
phrases upon YOU you proceed to beat 1t
in Olympic record time, don't you?
OF course you DO.
Because. if you didn't you see, the fellow
would go right ahead and tell you all
about the little piffling Baedeckering
things that he did in Paris or London. or
wherever he happened to light for little
while. He'd hand you a sly-dog poke in
the ribs while he told you how he visited
the Moulin Rouge in Paris (which. as a
matter of fact, is now like unto husk-
ing bee for perfect propriety). and how he
saw Cheshire cheese and Dickens Old
Curiosity Shop in London. and how. dog
gone it all. it's hard to get lodgings
where there's a bath in London. and how,
ye-eh. sure he. got sick crossing the Eng
lisl channel (and they had the tin ba-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-01

and painted at the same time-great!
great! and he plainly appreciated It right
down to the ground.
However, the original little girl felt.
upon surveying him after she'd finished
decorating him, that there was still some
thing lacking. Therefore she snuck into
the house-yes. snuck--and pulled a
couple of nice aigrettes from one Of her
mothers hats. and then she snuck out OF
the house again and stuck these aigrettes
in her little brothers curls. making him.
Of course look Indianer than ever.
AS fiual touch she removed her cute
little pink sash and tied 1t around her
little brothers middle.
And there he was, work of art and an
Indian from the Indianest reservation
from which the smoke of the tepee ever
cured.
She carefully instructed him to howl
like an Indian. and then, with a feeling
of triumph, she led him-paint. hair
aigrettes, pink sash and about into the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-01

middle Of the road-just as her father and
mother. returning from their visit to
Washington. turned the corner down the
road from the trolley car
oh, well. this is about ALL We ONLY
relate the incident as proof of the fact
that this little girl was and is distinctly
original
And We can't help IT, either IL some
parents are utterly devoid of anything
even approximating a sense of humor.
These particular parents were so de-
void. anyhow.
1t Is sin and a shame and a scandal
to be compelled to record for the benefit
Of history that so highly original a little
girl this very evening will be taking her
dinner. or maybe it'll be supper, from a
perpendicular position
They're justifiably predicting great
things for this original little girl when
she grows up. Il she doesn't become a
suffragette or something, who shall say
what she shall become? Tell us that now!
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-01
FORGET THE HEAT.
THIS MEANS YOU.
FORGET 1T,

Mr. Jobson regarded this finished bit Of
printing with obvious pride. and then he
went out into the kitchen and plowed
through lot Of junk until he found a
brass tack Then he tackled the placard
to the sitting room wall and summoned
Mrs. Jobson from her seat at the front
window to look at 1t.
There now" he said, I've fixed up a
little first aid to memory for you l wish
you'd just study those words and get
them fixed in your mind. Every time you
pass by that sign you want to let the ad
jurations it contains sink deeper and
deeper into your mind. After the idea
has thoroughly soaked in guess l won't
have to sit around here of nights and
suffer while you do all you know how
to make this plant as hot as the stoke
hole of a battleship under forced draught
in the Indian ocean,
Mrs Jobson smiled amiably and said
that she'd study the sign from all an
giles. and Mr.. Jobson was SO set up over
his clever little idea that peace reigned in
the Jobson domicie for the remainder Of
the evening.
On the following day Mr.. Jobson tot
tered into the veStibule about an hour
ahead of his usual time for getting home
from the office. His collar was a rag,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-01

of the tour which bears his name, as
sures not over-credulous public-not
credulous on this one subject. at any
rate - that ballooning is much safer
than automobiling, and proceeds to give
lot of substantial reasons for his
statement. One thing is certain. how
ever. If aerial navigation becomes
fashionable to the point that one. US
ing a paradox, to be in the swim must
fly. lots of us will remain hopeless1y
bourgeois for long time to come. 1t
costs heaps and heaps of money to keep
flock of balloons in commission and
which is possibly more to the point
the tastes of but few lie skyward
4
lust think-and this is another altitude
J nous thought-just think for a moment
that one day last week. for the first time
since 1t was constructed, newspaper men
were permitted to view the Langley fly
ing machine. That machine, as many
residents of Washington may remember,
was constructed in secret, and when
nearly ready for trial was taken down the
river to a point opposite Whitewater. Va,
on what has become known for its mala-
coast of the Old Dominion. where several
unsuccessful attempts were made. Then
the "Buzzard," as the Langley aeroplane
came to be called-although it might bet
ter have been known as the Harry"
from the fact that some of it's wing prin-
cip1es were adapted from the harry ca
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-01
just got to do that 2

just got 10 do that!
DO WHAT" languidly inquired Mrs.
Jobson.
Work that windmill at the rate Of
seven hundred thousand revolutions to
the minute and make noise like wheat
threshing competition at Kansas county
fair" growled Mr.. Jobson.
oh said Mrs. Jobson, smiling in the
dusk and working the fan quite noise
lessly. II didn't know that it annoyed
you. Still. one must at least try to keep
cool. don't you Think
'Nobody's trying to hawser or hobble
you from trying to keep COOL as you put
it," said Mr.. Jobson. But you can't
keep cool by exercising eighteen or
twenty horsepower in manipulating one
of those drafted fans. 1t only makes
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-08-01

Salomes even at the nickel moving pic
ture shows-eheu. We are obtaining
sufficiency of the spectacle of that over
whiskered face and severed head of the
John for whom Salome possessed the OBJ
session.
Some of the Salomes almost wear
clothes
Gertrude Hoffman easily is the sensa-
tional Salome of the lot. Gertrude Is as
1.-the as a rope ladder, white as Spitz-
bergen snow, agile as mandril from the
Mount aims of the Moon and as reckless
as burglar who burgles by day. For all
of her slim lissomeness she has dimpled
shoulders and torso that must make
the long-deceased Aphrodite stir with
jealousy in her antique tomb. Gertrude
costume is unique.
Yes, Very Much So.
She wrthes and wriggles around the
severed head in the dish like one of thoss
pointed insects we used to call "darning
needles" buzzing back ami forth over the
surface OF a pond. There Is sort OF
lank and yet partridge-like. laziness
abou, her exhibition. When she whirls
S.So2t. causing the gauze skirtette to