The Washington herald., 1908-01-12

me all about the water-wagon and the
nice. long ride you were going TO take.
So far as I'm concerned, Job. you can
get on some vehicle that travels lit
tie faster. The way you leave US all
alone al nights is simply awful. Job.
Do you smell smoke? We came near
being all burned up this night; precious
little you'd have cared. / suppose.
Little Haley got a box of matches some
curtains. and / had to throw the jar
OF goldfsh-hsh and alto put it out
One Of the fish wriggled it's way down
the register, and / couldn't get the poor
thing out. Emily ran with one Of them
to the kitchen 10 put It in water. but
she dropped it on the stairs, and / step
ped on It. and it was so slippery fell
all the way down TO the bottom. and
oh. lors, how my back hurtsi wish
you'd set some of that hartshorn lini-
ment. Job. and rub my back-I should
think that was little enough 70 do after
all your shameful neglect.
Tell me all about the news, Job
while you're rubbing Not so hard
please. and a little higher up. 1 see that
Mr.. Hitchcock says that he's going 10
let the post-office employees have longer
holidays and more pay. ! wish some
thing like thatd happen in your de-
partment-nOt the holidays, ! mean; for
heaven knows you have too much time
70 loaf nOW-but the pay: It's just
simply dreadful the way we have to
struggle TO make both ends meet. And,
as If 10 make matters worse, see now
that some scientific man says that eggs
are taking TO shrinking. First they go
up in price until we can hardly buy
'em at all. and now they shrink in size.
1 guess pretty soon we'll have to take
to living on breakfast foods
Il see where another scientist says
that before long every man can learn
10 be his own electric dynamo. I don't
know Just how it's to be done. but I
wish you'd hurry up and learn. A man
might be Of some real use about the
house under those conditions. Just
think, Job, II. instead OF being a useless
sort OF a clerk. earning hardly enough
10 keep the children going, you were a
nice dynamo! We could light the whole
house from you then, Job, and save all
the money We have 10 pay out 10 the
gas company. I wonder. though, If you
could leave the power behind you. It'd
be awful to have 70 sit in utter dark
ness, waiting till you chose TO come
home. And. If you was q dynamo. Job.
we could run the sewing machine with
you and do electric cooking, and
could take electric massage frtm you.
and-oh, KS too good TO be true: no
mere husband could ever be as as useful
as all that
Now that the school board row seems
to buy a lot Of busts TO put in the
schools, but what for / can't under
stand, I don't see how children are
going 20 learn reading, writing, and
arithmetic from busts, do you? And,
even IL the head Of Bismarck or Carl
baldi does lCok down on the children at
their lessons, I can't see how that s
going TO help much. Most Of the chill
dren won't understand It at all. and
Will spend most Of their time wonder
Ing where the legs Of the creatures are.
JOB. please don't go 70 sleep; keep
on rubbing; It's so comforting. Aren't
womtn fools. job? Here's two women
in Pittsburg been and fought a duel.
~ oil
IL there was ever a man worth fighting
for, And this Is leap year. too: they'd
much better have both proposed to him,
and then the one that won might have
reckoned that she'd lost the duel. Did
you notice how. down in Tennessee.
there was a man named Luck-goes to
show you how little there is in a name
he had four children-what do they
call EN-: I forget; but you understand
-triplets and-then another one-a quar-
tet, l guess. Luck, indeed, How are
they going to support EN-. wonder
Speaking about luck. aren't women
getting to be Just awful these days?
I hear there's a lot Of 'em insist on
smoking right out in public In them New
York eating houses. and here's Maude
Gonne-her they called the Irish Joan Of
Arc-she was going to lead the benight-
ed Irish oft Of the wilderness-and now
she's proving she can't lead her own hus-
band. and is suing for a divorce. And
there was another woman I read about
this week, who lived in Nebraska, and
she got tired Of her husband and mur-
dered him; but somehow they couldn't
convict her, and so she collected the in
surance on his life. and has gone OF
with another man. There's economy
for you! and they say women are bad
financiers.
Talking about finance. though. I see
that Comptroller Ridgely says that pam
ics are inevitable; that we have TO have
EN- every so often, just the same as a
man catching cold. If that's so, 1 don't
see how they can blame this last one
on the Democrats. do you?
DO you remember I told you the
other day about the Emperor OF Ger
many having sixteen Christmas trees
or was 1t sixty-any way ! know I
wondered how he could afford it and
now I see he's trying to borrow seventy
FIVE million doliars-wants to pay Up his
Christmas debts, I reckon. I thought it
would come to that. Amt ii funny the
way these potentates and big men talk
carelessly about money? There's MIR
Hobson, he wants US to spend $500, 900
or 500, 100000 on the feet, and Mr. Har-
Ian, who's been talking about the yell
low peril again. wants US to spend $780,
100000 a year for the same thing. and
all because they found couple of Japs
watching our submarine fleet al Mar
ragansett Bay. l think it's lucky our
ships have got as far as Rio de Janelro,
though I don't even know where that is
I reckon the war amt going to start
for some time yet, no matter what Mr.
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