davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29
poOLEY ON HARD TIMES.
Easy for the Poor, but Severe on
MIIIiOnaires.
the American Alagazine.

''AIr. Dooley" in the American Magazine.
IF hard times come yen niYer notice
thim That's one good thing about tn
station in life to which we have been
called an locked up without BAIL Our
peeryods iv hard times are broken now
an thin be more hard times. Just as
soon as we begin to tire IL hard times
with too much work, we have worse
hard times with less work.
What diff renee does it make to ye
how far ye move forward If ivrything
else moves forward ahead " ye? Now,
as thin. ye are chasin' tn willow-th'-
wisp iv good groceries. As ye begin 70
retreat they come back, bat there's niver
day whin We can reach out an sieze
thin. Tn dinner pail is always full, but
not fun iy angel cake. Don't We be
troubled be IN end ~ prosperity Ye
have nawthin to fear firm hard times
that ye haven't suffered durin tn
peerycd so charming'y described in tn
Ihanksgiyin' Day proclamations.
We been through nanny peeryods "
hard tines most ~ thin / caused mesllf
with me neefaryous vote. Two panics I
caused be votin again tn tariff that
makes ye'er wages almost enough higher
10 pay fr tn increased cost iv We er
pants. At other times tn country was
brought TO room be tn fear in high
circles that I was goin' to vote again tn
tarin again. In eighteen ninety-twO, I
managed 10 land me vote fr a sound.
conservative man. that had niver shook
his fist at Pierpont Morgan. save in tn
way ~ kindness, an eighteen ninety
three hard times began. An 1 cudden' [
see amy difference in We. Ye were thrown
ont " employment more often, but ye
worked less. Ye got less money. but
corn beef was ten cints a pound. An
there ye are.
But befure tn winters over I expict
to see our frinds tn pIuthyerats In a
very bad way Tn Saint Vincent de
Paul Society viii sind REPRESENTATIVES to
visit IN homes on tn Lake Shore Dhrlve
an investigate their condition an recite
IN number IS childhur Twin in thin. If
amy TIL lgislachure will appint a
commission that viii report FIVE or SIX
years hence:
J. D. R.-Sixty-fve years " age;
married; large family also married.
capable hard workin millionaire: has
had on'y half time at his thrade since
last year; very sad case.
X. I. Z.-Retired banker; twinty-
three years old. Has completely lost
control ~ both his railroads. Family
obliged 20 so to Monty Carlo fr tn win
ter Very courageous in tn face " ad-
versity. Says ivry man shud do his part
IN this moment iv naytonal disaster an
eight autymObills Is enough durin' a
peeTyOd f. Tethrenchmint House IN
shocking condition. Elicthrlc ilivatOr
broken. Ball room not busted Cham
payne corked. This IS a very worthy
case. Advise tn State threasury 10 ad-
vance him twinty milIyon dollars as a
measure ~ timpry relief
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29

which society suffers. so that modern
sinners may be grilled as they deserved
For the cure Of this journalistic iniquity,
we must appeal to the intelligence of the
American people. 1t is the duty of every
newspaper worthy the name 70 think and
tell the truth, and to labor for the public
good. Let every journal that falls short
Of this ideal, that is suspected of deeeiv-
ing its readers by a sham independence,
that has become merely the trade organ
Of corporate interests, be summed and
pilloried as a public enemy-a conspicu-
Gus example of one Of the dominant
types Of w-rong-doing in an age when,
to quote Prof Ross. the chief iniquities
arise out of money-malSing. For the cor-
ruption of public opinion, taking into ac-
count the Importance of public opinion in
modern governments. is q crime scarcely
less than that Of eorrupting the govern
ment itself
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29
Uniform pirorce LegIsIation

From the Springfield Republican.
The movement for uniform divorce leg
islation over the country proceeds rather
slowly, but it proceeds. At least the
members Of the National League for the
Protection OF the Family. who met at
Boston Friday, expressed their satisfac-
ton at the fact that many States had
begun TO respond The provision for sepa-
ration without divorce in certain specified
cases seems to re the principal objection
70 the proposed legislation Of the body
a large number Of divorces are secured
by people who were not married ia their
homes or home churches. and efforts are
being made to conflne more marriages
to these places. where they naturally be-
long. Once in while parental objection
is ill-founded. but in a majority of cases
II is otherwise.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29

and precise visions OF the Presidential
fist "shuck' in the face of greed and
coTupton-we really thought it was q
Big Stick. but we shall not dispute Mr.,
Sanders analytical observations - and
dreams complacentiy of reasonable hon
esty in Wall street after the fust Of jim
awary." It is all interesting and. may
hap. true; but it is TO be regretted, never
theless, that the President neglected to
supply Mr. Sanders with a few horrible
examples, duly deceased and embalmed.
Far be it from US, however, 20 vex this
quaint philosopher by captious sugges-
tons. We are glad he visited the White
House. broke bread with the Chief Mag
istrate. and had bully good" time. We
particularly delight to know that no IN.
seemly ghost OF Booker's famous lunch'
con arose and declined TO down; we re
joice that no spook of Indianola, Crum,
or Jefferson Davis persuasion came forth
TO mock the feast and disturb the sweet
serenity Of It all We wax glad that
Mr.. Billy Sanders rode back to Shady
Dale a-straddle rainbow, and abldes
to-day abundantly happy and all but
smothered amid mass of calm content
Notwithstanding Secretary Shaws pre-
cipitste entrance into the Presidential
handicap, his boom appears perfectly
willing 10 stand hitched
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29
Industrial Teachlng for Born.

FROM the New York Times
In Berlin 50 per cent Of all the boys
between the ages Of fourteen and sixteen
are in the industrial schools, which are
a practical combination of training school
and shop When they emerge from these
institutions they are craftsmen In New
York and other great cities Of this coun-
try there are similar schools, attended
by only about one-tenth of per cent of
the young male population. Hence arises
the saying: Germany trains its youth
for vocation. the United States trains
It's youth for a job" The National So
ciety for the Promotion Of Industrial Edu-
cation has q mission TO preach the gospel
OF industrial preparedness to a nation
that has too long relied upon its vast
natural resources in competition with the
manufacturing states Of Europe.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29
WEDNESDAY. JANUARY %, 1908.
The Public sehooIs-ob. for Peace!

r. after all the turmoil that has afflict-
ed this community in connection with It's
public schools, II We're possible now to
have an era of tranquility. we should
hail it with devout thanks. Everybody
wants peace, but there is no peace.
DR.. Stuart, whom we regard as a capa-
bic superintendent. succeeding to a diff
cult role under auspices most unpleasant
and unpromising, enjoys the confidence
Of superiors and subOTdinates alike. He
has taken hold well.
But there is no peace Agitation is go
ing on constantly-interminab Teach
ers TO the number of several hundred
50 per cent of the entire body-join in
a sort of round robin TO Congress, plead
ing that we'll enough be let alone; our
citizens associations and commercial Or
CARNATIONS are in line with recommended
tons Of similar purpOrt while commit
tees Of Congress. patience-taxed to the
utmost, are proposing as a last resort to
take the schools wholly out of local con-
troll
It Is to-day as it was yesterday and the
day before; as it was last year and the
year before-agitation, agitation. agita-
ton.
Behind it all now is the case Of DR..
Chancellor; behind it all in the past was
the case of somebody else. So it is and
has been.
Small wonder then, that Congress,
panied by the spectacle and harassed
beyond all endurance. is proposing so
radical a change in our entire school sys-
TEN
The Washington Herald is for peace in
the public schools. II is for a school sys-
TEN that will keep the peace. 1t believes
that a system that will concentrate the
management is acknowledgements adj
visable. It believes this because the board
system under the present law, like the
board system under the old law, has
failed TO produce peace.
But this newspaper does not favor the
Dolliver bill. or any other bill which
takes the school system out of local con-
troll II believes that the logical arrange
ment with concentration. is to vest the
appointing power in the District Com
missioners. That is where it belongs.
If amended in this respect the Dolliver
bin viii commend itself to us-cOmmend
itself strongly. And we believe it Will
commend itself to school patrons of the
Capital generally.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29
Chinese Law Against Bribery.

From the Shanghai Mercury.
The new draft criminal code of China
contains stipulations against bribery, IN
which it IS mentioned that any official
who receives a bride above ZOO taels vii!
be cashiered and banisked TO a military
post road. with hard labor. and any who
receive more than 10000 taels and favors
the person who gives brides, against the
laws. viii be punished with death. and
those who send brides will be punished
similarly.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29

While leading Democrats are trying TO
get Bryan te eliminate himself, Bryan's
fool friends are Just as busy making a
party split inevitable says the Pittsburg
Dispatch dogmatically. Well, that all
depends on the point of view. Leading
Democrats" and fool friends" do not
mean the same things in every Americans
philosophy
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29
Not All ChecrfuI.

Every boy born in the United states
may glory In the fact that some day he
may be chosen President OF the United
states" said the orator On graduation
day
Yes" sighed the youth. but do you
realize that some of US here are also in
danger Of being nominated for the Vice
Presidency"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29
Electrical Progress.

From The s. Louis Globe Democrat
Last year the people of the United
States spent S315.O0O.0O0 for electrical man
ufactures. yet many men still in active
business remember the time when some
simple instruments in college Laboratories,
without practical utility, covered the
whole field of electrical knowledge. This
world is unable TO define electricity, but
has learned much about what may be
done with f.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29
Not Good Carver.

i never was so disappointed in my
life" said BIrs. Gotrox. Il invited a few
choice souls 10 dinner the other day and
asked Or. Cuttem, the celebrated sur
geon, to carve for me. I expected that
he could carve beautifully, and would you
believe he actually spoiled the fowl.
wouldn't have him operate on me for the
world"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29

The Chinese Emperor has prescribed
horsemanship tests for the imperial army
officers a great deal severer than those
prescribed by the President Of the United
States. This shows how a curious idea
is apt to grow into something even more
qUeueTiuus.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29
Most Famous Dining Club.

From the Boston Herald.
The Gridiron Club still maintains its
place as the most famous dining club in
the world, and its dinners still call to-
gether more distinguished men than any
other social event Of the season. And
this last one seems 10 have beaten the
record in distinguished attendants.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29
An Awful Frost.

Yes; we had a cold-storage audience. ="
And you didn't get a hand?"
Not a hand. Even my speech. Just Il
plain American girl is good enough fer
me, didn't get no hand. And you know
when that amt good fer a hand, then
nuthin amt good fer a hand
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29
FROM "FLOs vIRGINUM.o

Where is a hoiieT thing
In fair world sppareled for our bliss
Than the pure influence
That dwells in girls heart
And beams from her quiet eyesi
Earth has no ministering
50 lovely, 50 acceptable OF wise,
Withal 50 fTail as this;
Which. If man win. It needeth all his art,
Lest uncUuth violence
Rough mastery, or the tyraniies Of earth,
Should MAIN OF shatter out
With ill-timed speech or A9ut
Her wistful-ten6ered balm az very birth.
Maurice HsElsst ''SsaSs saa Asditatious
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29

admitted &c the bar,
and praetieed ia Bos-
ton. Part of his time
was given to newspa-
per work, and he
served as editor-in-
chief OF the Boston
Daily Advertiser.
His early political
life was spent in the
Massachusetts, house
OF representatives, from
1858 TO 1893. Mr.. Nc
Call Is not only a poll
tician, but is also an
author, having written
a standard biography
Of Thaddeus Stevens.
His first Congress
was the Fifty-third,
and he has been re-
elected ever since. He
is on the important
Committee on Ways
and Means, and is
ohgfVu72u NJ tho IL
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29
Needs a Proviso.

From the Galveston News
Senator Cores bill to prohibit the use
of the mails and telegraphs for specula-
tive purposes may cut out written pro-
posals of marriage. Marriage is a lot
terry
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29
Avoiding a Toach.

"siF, my wife hasn't eaten for a
week
i know how it is" interrupted the per-
son addressed. Women viii go to any
lengths TO get fashionably thin. Foolish,
isn't lt2''
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29
s1nnincnI nenression

From the Chicago News.
II is great to be crazy when nothing
else viii satisfy the jury
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29
THE CoMFORTED.

Out Of my gief made a Joy.
Out 81 NY tears a song
Since s0rrow is 50 hard to bear
And life is oFerionE
and peace I call the ioy I made
Forgiveness Is the song.
One could not have il otherwise
Since life is 0FeTiong.
'-Tbsodosia Garrison. IN Harper's Bazsr.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29

Two-cent railroad fares have been de-
elared unconstitutional in Pennsylvania
and constitutional in Ohio which goes TO
show that all constitutions are not af-
fected alike by the same madeline.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29
just the Thing.

The country teens with mules
And they would seem
Fine critters. b. all rules.
With which 10 team.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29

From the Manchester Union.
We have it on the authority OF a rising
amateur actor OF this town that 20 kiss
and make up is not the same thing as 20
make up and kiss.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29
TsefuI LaboP Savers

From the St Louis Globe Democrat
The steam shovels at work along the
Panama canal save the work of 5000 men.
They will come in handy later on In in
ternal Improvements nearer home.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29
wears Wei. Too.

From the Charleston News and Courier.
At any rate, Mr.. Bryan is the most
durable candidate in sight.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29
CAPITOL GOSSIP.

Samuel Walker Mccall. Representative
from Massachusetts,. was born in Penn
sylvania and educated in New Hampshire
After graduating from Dartmouth he was
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29
They All Do Il.

It's pretty hard FOR a married woman
to pass male acquaintance on the street
without turning to her husband and re-
marking: He used 20 be an old beau Of
mine"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29

say, ma, what's become Of that old
feather buster we used 70 have?"
It's gone"
Gone where?"
4 didn't think you wanted It, so I used
il 10 trim Nellies hat"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29

From the Louisville Coarier-Journal
The most modest iaan in the world IS
JudsOn Harmon. who processes to be un-
worthy of the Office OF Vice President Of
the United States.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29
Origin of a Phrase.

Here's where 7 make a show Of
strength mumured Delilah as she began
to snip off Sams0ns locks.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29

From the Arkansas Gazette
What were once the Confederate States
Of America may be within a few years
the Prohibition States Of America
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29

Did you ever sign a paper without first
reading it?'
No. but once answered a hypothetical
question without knowing what il was all
about"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29

Gov. Glenn lost some measure of fame
by mOnkeying with the railroad buzz-saw
in North Carolina, but his picture ap-
pears along with a patent medicine testi-
monial these days; so we presume his
average happiness is not affected.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29
Times Change.

It's no disgrace to be poor
Il can remember time when It was no
disgrace TO be rich"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29

Even though Mr.. Kustermann may ne
right in his $150-a-minute estimate of the
cost of Congressional talk, let us hope
their salaries will never be scheduled ac-
cording to that scale.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29
kindly omitted

From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Perhaps it will be noticed with panied
surprise that Miss Vanderbilt isn't getting
any kitchen or linen showers.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29

A Massachusetts, lawsuit begun in 1855
has just been settled. We suppose the
heirs of the original plaintiff were award
ed judgment OF several thousand dollars
against themselves.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29

1T is almost time. o members of the
Photographers Union, to begin joshing
the Washington baseball team" says Col.
Franklin Pierce Adams, in the New York
Mail. It always is, was, and will be
time. colonel!
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29
FRUITS OF IMPERIALISM.
What Our Philippine Policy Means
in Military Way.

From the Springfield Republican.
Does the Taft policy contemplate the
taxing Of the United States for the main
tenance OF armies and navies large
enough to insure our possession OF the
archipelago in any emergency during the
next generation? II so. his statemanship
amounts to this-that we double Gus fleet.
at cost Of 100000 or more, fortify
strategic points in the Philippines at A
great expense, and keep them garris0ned
adequately, enter upon a greatly enlarged
scheme OF militarism. in short, in order
10 keep the FilipinOs In the school Of our
benevolent tutelage for fifteen. twenty,
or thirty years longer than the other
policy contemplates. And that is exactly
what il does amount TO. The Pacific
cruise Of the feet proves it;.the much en-
laTged naval programme OF the admins
uation proves Il; the haste 20 fortify the
bay OF Manila and Sgbig Bay proves it.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29

Congressman Gregg has sent us our
annual allotment Of garden seed, and Of
course we are for sending him back to
Washington, says the Grapeland (Tex.)
Messenger. Same old sowing; same old
reaping
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29
still Unframed.

4 see a man has been able TO train
hogs"
I'm bet he can't make them give up
the end seats"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29

Congressman Clark. Of Georgia. is the
man who is being credited with the
proposition to make Congress meet at 9
in the morning and adjourn at in the
evening. That isn't his name, but he
doubtless will not care to correct the
error, in view Of the things said about
his suggestion.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29

When we learn in truth that an as
bestos factory was recently destroyed by
fire in New York, we are inclined to re-
solve never 10 doubt the word Of another
nature faker.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29

After all, however, it may be that Sem
ator JEFF Davis is merely trying to
convince the newspapers that he doesn't
think any more of them than they do Of
him
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29
From The PhnaaeIphla Rscora.

The Secretary chooses TO overlook the
important fact that the Philippines con-
stitute the only rift in the defensive
harness OF the American people. This IS
the heel Of Achilles. Fox the defense Of
these colonial possessions IL is necessary,
in the estimation Of President Roosevelt
and the supporters Of his 'polices." TO
create and maintain a feet coequal with
that oG the worlds greatest naval pow
ers. Il is as the champion Of this i'm
perialism that Secretary Taft presents
himself to the American people for the
Presidency; and this it IS that already
causes so much misgiving among the
Republicans as 10 his candidacy.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29

A New Jersey ghost is alleged to have
led man to a spot where $1,000 was
buried Now. that's the kind of ghost
walking we need ir our business.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29

The Savannah News says it is going to
be difficult TO enforce prohibition in that
city. You can lead, or drive, Savan-
nathan to prohibition, but you can't make
him drink water.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29

In mentioning former Gov. Vardaman's
name, be careful to Eek" it, L is very
becoming TO the Mississippian
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29

An Atlanta paper calls for faster
schedules from Atlanta to Washington"
It doesn't make so much difference about
getting back in a hurry.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29
Poor Management.

Now, here said the proprietor Of the
musical comedy.
What is it?'' inquired the stage mana
ger.
Last night you gave the last act first
Probably nobody noticed It, but it shows
lack of system. Don't let this occur
again"
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29
The Toner'S onerv-

Pray. pardon me- the topper said,
For causing you this trouble;
Is that a twO-faced woman there,
Or am I seeing double2'
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29

'The House is known as the popular
branch of Congress, 1 beiieye?"
Yes; but ! wouldn't use the term
why note"
1T seems invidious."
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29

The olive crop Is a failure in Spain. In
fact, everything in Spain seems on a par
with the castles built there.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29
BREAKFAST TABLE CHAT.
From the Detroit Free Press
New Version.

Hickory, dickory dock,
The mouse ran up the stock
The bulls and the bears
Fought hard for the shares
And the lambs were eheared in a flock
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29

AS for the misunderstanding" joke,
why not cut it out?
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29

you talk of what T." begins Col
Thomas ". Lawson. But that's a sad
and melancholy mistake, in the very be-
ginning. Mr. Lawson hasn't given any
body else chance to talk yet.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29

Judge Parker appears to think his sor
toe is the paramount issue this year.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
ONE ALTITUDE.

Come hither, friend
Attention. pray.
One moment lend
To what I say.
IL am weak and you are strong.
You should, think, help me along.
And wifi / fight
To gain you place?
Oh, that is quite
Another case.
For you will have TO elsewhere seek
If / am strong and you are weak.
The Washington herald., 1908-01-29

Legislation barring hlgh school fraternia
ties from the college and university
Sigma Chi chapters is favored by the
latter, according to the views Of Thomas
P. Carr, Of Kansas City. No, who is at
the Cochran.
"A resolution TO bar students who have
belonged 10 high school fraternities from
the college and university Sigma Chi
chapters, and a resolution calling upon
the various State legislatures TO make it
unlawful for public high schools to IS
sue diplomas Of graduation to studentH
who belong to fraternities" said Mr..
Carr, were discussed at the opening ses-
sion Of the biennial sixth province con-
vention Of the Sigma Chi alumni and ac-
tive fraternities, at Kansas City a few
days ago.
I'm order that the resolution relating
to the Sigma Chi men refusing TO ac-
cept candidates who had belonged to high
school societies shall be binding. it will
have TO be adopted by ali the provinces
in the United States. Objections 10 high
school fraternities are generally known,
and many State legislatures have taken
steps to prevent their organization"