The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1908-01-04
POLAR BEAR AS BoUNcER.

~
Alaska Barkeeper's Method Of Getting
Rid of Unruly Customers. cal
It's strange the influence of atrnos-
pheric conditions on an aSsemblage,
and though some have attempted to
explain these phenomena under the
head of psychic climaterics no one
has been able to get much further
| than mere generaIities regarding the
| effects of sunshine. rain. clouds, snow
| fall and other meteorological varia
tions. The essential fact remains un-
explained that spontaneous acts are
| largely directed by outward condi-
that are more or less the result Of
! elaboration have their rise from in
ner conditions springing from what is
known as the dark regions of the
| brain, otherwise called the psychic
section as distinguish from 3, the
| locomotor and sensorys sections. h..
When the Nature Fakers' club n as
sembled seven days after the MEM
| orable night when that noisy descent
| Of messenger boy struck fright in
| Dryers remarkable account of Aus
| tralia's kangaroo messenger service
there was snow in the air. -.s,s. -s.i
Had Ned DENLY been present he
might have asserted it was due to APP
prehension regarding a possible dis
| ruption, but Ned alone of all the club
was absent, congress holding his at
| tention down at Washington 81 ..
The president, p turning to sDr. aJohn
E. Clark, asked him in the name of
science whether he-could diagnose the
] case. -
"Humph.Y saidy- the doctor, -affxing
his. eyeglasses and looking around, 'as
county chemist I should pronounce it
an atomic, atmospheric condition. May
\ I. inquire first however, what are the
| fees for. expert, testimony before this
club2" y + go. -, ,Tifs,@ -
| Kennedy, 81 move that once and for
| all we settle this matter, which is
| likely, to be recurring often, and make
the fees, for expert testinlens- ut the
size of the thing testified to.
Tn that case. gentlemen" added
| DR.. Clark, II beg to ,gbe excused, this
being a matter of atoms"
| The chairman rubbed his left ear
with his right forefnger and observed
1 that things seemed rather CONCEALED
! MAYBE you mean uncongenial,'
suggested Dr.. w. H. Morley. q,
| Nothing of the. sort here. not with
Judge Mandell present. Just look at
] that contagious smile. a. It's Mandell's
| turn responded the chairman, and
he looked at the judge with that
retrospective air of a man who is try
| ing to recall some. forgotten word or
Malcolm McIntyres suddenly jumped
1 to his feet and called for the floor. II
know know what the chairman is
| trying to recollect. Its, in answer to
the old question, How does Mandell
| differ from HobSon p" ---'' =
| Already the jurist was turning pink
around the collar, and the encrimson-
| ing hue swept up and up until 1t
tinged his dainty ears and made his
| cheeks furious red. %
| Answer the riddle" shouted a daoz-
en- at once.
Speak, Sphinx, what is it?'' urged
Charles L. Freer. who had just fin
| ished reading a dispatch saying his
golf1ng crocodile was detained in quar-
! antine at Lisbon with the mumps.
Mr.. Freer wiped away tear and
| jeremiah Dwyer said: e"Tt must be an
| awful thing for a croc to- have the
/ mumps, with such an awful neck and
jaw, don't you known
Mr.. Mcintyre nodded to DR.. Clark
who took the floor -l7- :
/ "Mandell differs from Hobson," he
said, Gin that Hobson chose 'em frs
and then kissed EN- whereas Mandel
has ruled that once a man makes his
choice he must be boss"
ooh, yes" cried several. MAN
dell's the Judge who ruled that a mans
spares the gad.''
Sure" grunted the Judge. "Spank
em, spank 'em good and hard-that's
the only insurance for turtle dove
| existence"
1T don't like that roared Malcolm
| Mcintyre. I'm locoed If, do. I de-
mand that the Judge reverse that
opinion and Mr.. Mcintyre was
| pushing aside chairs and elbowfng his
| way through the crowd to get at the
! Judge, but cooler heads prevailed and
! the chairman, recalling recent trip
i the Judge had made into the far north
| raped for order, whereas Mr.. Nc
1 Intyre dropped into the first chair and
/ the heavyweight jurist came out from,
! under the table.
4 "It reminded me of the Arctic
| bouncer," he saidr simply.
Tell US, Judge" they all cried. and
| thumped the table with the crockery
until the Judge waved his hand in
token of surrender.
/ you are perhaps aware, Mr.. Chair
| man and fellow fakers, said his
honor. that I found the weather OPP
pressive last summer. and in conse-
quence Of the prickly heat sought
some cooler cline, where my weigh,
! might not be such an overcoat.
/ 81 conferred with many friends and
finally concluded that the most inter-
/ esting resort was to- be found above
the Arctic circle.
Il $50 1 procured Pullman passage tc
. Eaaff1o anr fbora hoEed on the coe st