Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1908-08-01

In way politicians despise.
Which they met on the train;
AS all candidates will,
And they wagered dinner
In test of their skill
The winner to make the best pun on
The homely cognomen of Bill.
SET suppose" Bryan said,
Stirring ice in his tea,
That in view of the times,
AS between you and me,
The smaller the bill is the better,
The which any one will agree"
every clever,'' said Taft,
Here is mine: I've bunch,
You are not very strong,
(And he gave him punch
For they don't like long overdue
Bill"
And the Peerless One paid for the
lunch.
August was named for Augustus
Caesar, nephew and adopted son OF
Julius. Augustus was every bit as great
a man, but his uncle had a better
press bureau. When the Black Band
got julius, his nephew was but 10;
but he had already worn the toga
virillis and shot bear. Mark Antony
tried to get him out of the way by
making him sort of vice-president
but after Augustus had beaten him 5
up and to play ON the green at, Mo-
dena the big drawing card of the Ro-
man chautauqua was glad to marry
the young mans sister and be kind
of Nick Longworth around the Roman
White House.
The Augustan age was the glory of
Rome. Like Mr.. Roosevelt, Augustus
showed fight all the time, and the en-
pire enjoyed peace. There were no
reformers, and times were good. The
emperor literally patronized litera-
ture, and even wrote verses himself.
Poets like Horace and Virgil had their
own enameled gold chariots with
liveried alligator bait on the job be-
hind, and instead of having the cruel
circus games of Nero, the populace
met in the collisium and wrote lime
ricks for prizes. 1t is said that Au-
gustus found Rome city of brick,
and left it city Of marble. He was
very proud man, and in order to
make his month as long as anybody's
they took day from February and
added it to August, which originally
had but thirty. Augustus deserves to
to be better known, and it is not his
fault that he is not. He tried every
thing from divorce to race suicide.
He had three wives and one child, a
daughter Julia. He beat Antony and
Cleopatra 9 to in the famous en-
gagement at Actium, enough in itself
to have left his name upon a Decent
cigar; but he stood about the same
chance against the luster of his i'm
mortal uncle as Miss Ethel Roosevelt
stands to share the limelight with her
sister Alice.
The dog days will return to paint
The pond like Erin's isle,
And the boys will navigate the scum
In good sea -going style;
Reform will dig few more pits =
For brewers and distillers,
And the Office seeker pass around
His bum alfalfa filters.
The bullfrog will essay his lay along
the winding creek, and the dude will
bite the summer girl upon her damask
cheek; the sun will burn the festive
tramp clear through his under shirt,
and Carrie Nation will give tongue,
and kick up sod and dirt, the while
her ladyship pursues the new direc-
toire skirt.
The candidate will buzz around be
forethe voters door, and allthe babies
will get kissed and snuggled up some
more; the mother viii say, 'Ain't he
NIGEL" with every kiss and hug, but
the father will declare he is dern old
kissing bug.
The Anna mostly which Prince
Hene de Sagan and Count Boni de
Castellane bear one another will cool
a little, and about the 10th they will
get together and shoot dice for the
Gould children. The fleet will con-
tinue to banquet across the Pacific by
easy stages, and upon reaching
Manila, the stomachs of the officers
will be put in dry dock and scraped.
The baby calf will try his legs,
In meadows soft as silk,
And when he bawls his loving dam
Will rush the mothers milk;
And meanwhile she will smile to think,
With many modest bushes,
NJ