Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1908-01-23
MOST ANYTHING.
BY Lue +. Vernon.

Down. but Observation-Disclosures.
signpainter's oath-Hang il.
Engaged for the next set-Hens.
How to manage wife-Remain single.
Many tin horn gambler should have
been preacher, and and many tin
horn preacher should have been a
gambler.
Ii one were to judge the moral of some
plays by the length of skirts worn by the
chorus girls-well. But what's the use? ?
He asked for Goldsmith's Greece, and
they gave him bottle of vaseline, telling
him it was ''just rs good"
great many men opened the new
year with good resolutions. and twice as
many opened it with a corkscrew,
o.
Only death is an excuse for not keep
ing an engagement, and then an up-to-
date business man would send an UNDER
taker to apologize for him.
big bank account NAV be an evi.
dence of ability, but it is very often an
evidence OF rascality.
About the only way to avoid the sting
OF ingratitude is to deposit all of your
gift money to your own credit in the
bank.
Most editors feel some hesitancy in
giving credit to subscriber who talks
business III an amen voice.
The blue jays in Oregon are increasing,
while the pop jays in her sister state of
Washington, are nearly extinct.
Emmy about the beef steer"
"How so?'
"Well, when it is alive it is on the
| range. and when it is dead it still goes
on the range"
Seat e papers cay there are 5000 men
out employment in that place, and
that city must help some of the men
in ore that they may sleep and eat.
And this in the days of the "infant
trusts" Teddy, "big stick" and pros.
perity ~ Ugh!
writer in the New York Sun asks:
"Can young man marry on 81 week?"
He probably can-if the girl in the case
doesn't suspect it.
Probably thieves are near-sghted and
unable to distinguish other peoples
property from their own.
Chas Cant, who edited the Hoquiam
Sawyer, at one time, has started the
Washington Eagle. at Anacortes. The
new venture will be devoted to the inter.
ests Of the Fraternal Order of Eagles of
the Evergreen" state.
Grippe germs in telephone receivers
are not in any sense menace to those
people who talk through their hats.
The reason Mrs. Nation carries a
hatchet with her is because she doesn't
want the mirror in the 'joint" she
smashes to cast any reflection upon her.
l am sure, after seeing Carries photo in
the Police Gazette, that could the mirror
have its way it would disdain to reflect
her image in any shape.
Secretary Taft, in an address before
the Ohio Society Of Philadelphia, in the
"City of Brotherly Love-" January las
secuted the idea of the United States
and Japan fighting each other. 1t will
be remembered that England was cock
sure the Beers would not dare fight John
Bull, and no nation on earth thought
that Japan would fight Russia. Both
events happened. And l am Of the
opinion that Japan thinks she can whip
Uncle Sam, any day.
In London, England, in Oxford street,
there is an undertaking establishment,
and the firms name is quite appropriate
being Coffin & Death. No doubt Mr..
Hearse is the president of the firm; Mr..
Shroud, secretary; Mr.. Grave. business
manager; Mr.. Flower, director; Mr..
Casket, clerk, and Mr.. Grape, embalmer.
Coffin & Death. Peculiar, isn't it?
Again l repeat, that the name is quite
appropriate.
General Superintendent Palmer, of the
Northern Pacific, in regard to complaints
from the public as how small stations
are operated along the line. Gays: ut is
hardly fair for the public to expect to
find them in the same shape as frst-class
hotels" Here's hoping old boy Palmer
may have few "Hurry. Up-Pils" in his
stomach some day while at small sta
ton; find the "lavatory" locked, as do
the public, in most instances, aud the.
agent, with the key in his pocket, away
at dinner.