The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1908-06-18

ence-PoIiticians to- Take Pull
Charge In Religious Nasaer~-The
Major VIII Drink Nothing hut
Hard Cider as preeautlon-f.lIiy
Bryan.
Correspondence of The Caucasian
Enterprise
Bilkinsyiiie. =. C.. June / 5. 1905.
| see that the Russian Douma.
which liz sorter shaped up like our
Congress. an which wuz formed a
long time ergo fer the sole purpose
ov making laws an givin' other trou-
bic, hez passed a law requirin' dis
tiiieries or dealers ter place a skull
an cross-bones on each bottle oy
Ticker sold in that country. The la
bel will awlso hev a nice little warn
in printed on hit sich as this:
Touch lightly, fer you know that
you air failure;;" or, Drink not.
taste not, handle not" or Look out
for headaches in the mornin'."
No doubt that will do a crate deal
ov guide. That orter be done in the
United States SO that when they git a
fresh cargo in frum Kentucky or Vir-
giania the morally stunted evil
know what ter expeckt. Ov course,
most ov them hev hearn how
lickker does people. But they amt
nothin' like getting sich things strate
haa6nu rf in,
offisial. | hev long bin ov the opin-
ion that we hev too much freedom in
this country. We git up in the morn
in an read the weather signal an
kin tell exacktly what ter expeckt
during ov the day. If hit says a
cold wave liz cumin' we begin ter
shiver an wrap up. If he says a
warm wave IL on top we begin ter
shed off our heavy clothes an per-
spire. (The wurd ''perspire" means
the same az the old word sweat"
which WuZ in use before tho Civil
War; Yes, we air goin' ter git
things in guide shape rite erway.
This if We don't do rite the polly
tishuns will demand an explanashun.
[ expeckt ter live ter see the day
when each sitizen will be required
ter make a daily report ter the sher-
if or other officers an erlow sed Of
ficer ter smell hiz breth.
The next thing ter stop liz the
peach trains that go hurryin' through
the country. They may be awl rite.
But they contain the material that
damnatiOn IL made ov an We must
avoid even the appearance ov evil.
The Northern people don't use awl
them early peaches fer maxim pie.
They il screw loose somewhar.
/ see by the papers that the SUBJ
jeckt ov medical dispensaries liz still
bein' agitated. Me an Bill Moody
wuZ discussin' that Yesterday Bill
liz strong Simmons man, an he seq
that medical dispensaries air the very
thing; that they air more important
than the free coinage Ov silver ov the
publick school system. Hit does look
hard ter cut man Off so he can't
hev chance ter git little spirits fer
barn-raisin's an snake-bites. But I
tell Bill that pollyticks air in criti
cal state with the people dissatisfied
an the preachers purity nigh help
less. If the pollytishun., don't step
in an warm up things a bit in the
way ov religious work hit will be
hard on the country. This liz cam
pane year an [ eXpeckt every polly
tishun ter do hiZ duty an contribute
sum ov hiZ time ter camp-meetin'
When this perlitical religion gives
out things may be in bad shape an
the people may be glad enuff ter go
back ter the old-time religion. But
the fite iz on an We will hev ter waite
an see the finish.
I see that the American Medical
Association hez bin in session at Chi
cago an that the members air terri
bly, down on water. They seem ter
think that purity much awl ov the
water iz too bad ter drink, an I
don't see what We air ter use fer
drinkin' purposes. Whiskey liz full
ov piZen an destruckshun, an wa
ter il full of germs. I am goin' ter
do awl [ kin ter solve the problem
by increasin' the size ov my orchard
an then I'll drink nothin' but pure,
hard cider durin' the balance ov my
days.
In the same CRATE wicked city ov
Chicago they hev started a reform
that ought ter do guide. They air es-
tablishin' what they call "courtin'
rooms" which air matrimonial bu-
reaus in new form. Hit seems that
the matrimonial business hez sorter
got mixed up in that city an heZ
got in sich a fix that a guide many ov
them don't know fer certain whether
they air married or not; if they air
married, they can't figure out how
often they hev bin through the exsit-
in ceremony. So they air tryin' ter
give the thing in sum sort ov shape
an find whar they air at. I guess
the plan liz fer married people ter
sorter hang erround the matrimonial
bureaus when not busy an strike up
new acquaintance an bury the
hatchet by shakin' hands an agreein'
that the cruel war liz over. That
will do lots ov guide, I hope.
I see by the papers that Mr.. Billy
Bryan il erbout nomernated on the
Dymakrat ticket fer Preserdent He
only lacks few votes ov havin'
enough. I wanter congratulate my
fr;opd pillv an wich him a merry