The Columbus journal., 1908-07-15

III city man has dyspepsia, ne
should go to the country. plant an
acre of potatoes and make a solemn
oath to keep the bugs off the vines or
die in the patch. / bugged 1913 last
night and the gardener says If i don't
hurry We won't have any new pOta-
toes by the Fourth Of July.
4 4 4
Out In my home town a man OF
the name of Lopez had been the town
marshal for years. When a lad, I
surprised my father upon hearing
that the town guardian had resigned,
by asking him who was going to be
the Lopez now
What type of man is he?" asked
Jones. "A miss-print type" replied
Bings, the printer. Bill Griffin asked
this same question once and answered
it by saying: He's of the tintype
sort
The pride of holding petty Office
makes many a man a willing slave. a
servant without thanks and a target
for criticism and innuendo
4 4 4
The man who dies on the field of
action escapes a lingering death from
idleness and hot biscuit
4 4 4
The man whose word is as good as
the bank may not have an open &C
count in either place.
Z 4 4
There can be no such word as fail
to the man who refuses to sell his
honor for success.
4 4 4
The topper bird-a swallow
Accommodating.
Bill Ricky allus tried t please:
So. when tn angry neighbors said:
''Your cussed dog. he banks at me-" .
Bill put tn pesky dog Z bed
An barked. Bow wow"' himself. in
stead,
Hick'ry HoIler Folks.
Ez. Hubbard rode eight miles in Chi
caso one day last week, for a nickel.
Bill Hinckley went L sleep in one o.
them rush barber shops in NJ York
last week and got his chin wart TUX
off along with his whiskers Then tn
cuss manicoored his hair an put per-
foom on him SOS Bills brindle pup.
not recognizing tn smell. most ct
him up. Bill seq he don't care fer
this. but when his wife made him
show the strawberry mark on his left
leg before she would receive him tew
her busum. that wuz tn camel that
busted tn straw-stack's back. Stay
hum. Bill, that's our motto
While tn boys wuz singin'
Rocked in tn Cradle Of tn Deep" at
tn liv'ry stable last evenin', Hughie
Dunkey up an snapped one o. them
clawteeth dinguses what tn clothin'
store uses fer hangin' up shirts in tn
window, onto Hi. Johnson's ear, Hi
WIZ so pesky mad about it that
Hughie left town ruthern meet him,
an bruk up tn choir. Sumbody ought
L pass sum more of them little jokers
around an clean up tn village.
What this here place needs is a few
frst-class funerals. / amt namin' no
names. but lot of folks hez lost their
usefulness in this town, If they ever
had any, and would oblipe tn wheel
o progress by maxim sacrifices o.
their carcasses before tn jugornot,
What We need most is a town watch
that will watch. We have il on good
authority that Bill Welsh spends more
time courtin' than he does watchin'
these nights. Bill ought Z git married
er quit pOlicin'.
Sum OF tn boys seen sum mighty
shadders 'tother night on
tn window curtain of a certain resi-
dence wherein dwells one of our most
popular young ladies. Now We are
wocderin' when tn weddin' is comm
off. All there. EdGie'
Sim. Perkins wuz down { Hinch-
vile last Saturday night and bought
hisself brand new pair o suspenders
SOS he kin go sparkin' and be cum
furtable these hot nights.
Bud Smiths Lady" has a hull XII.
and kaboodle o pups which air at
tractin' considerable attention frum tn
girls in tn postofice an around Main
street general. Every last gal ia
teasin' Bill fer tn first pick an he
SEE. seem that it is leap year. he
goes with tn best pup. None O. tn
girls hain't TUX tn dog yit.
g q q