The Washington herald., 1908-06-21
Considers the Food His Wife
Expects Him to Eat.
IS A MUCH ABUSED MAN
Learns that He Only Dreamed lie
Paid the Electric Light BiIl-Re-
nOunces Poker and Discovers that
thnt Gray suit Has Been sold.
What's the Use, AnyhOws

Tastes like shellac mixed with gum arab
| ic and gutta percha Has a suggestion
OF garlic. too. What dye pay a pound
for It?
Forty cents? Oh, you do, Ell? thought
-. 1t isn't the fault of the coffee. It's
because the pot It's made in is only scrub
bed out about once every eight years.
Oh. never mind showing me the pot 1
won't look at il. That's your old scheme.
Every time / say a word around this
plant it's your system TO try TO crowd
me into a corner and bully me out Of
my statement.
What dye call these things? Corn
mullins? / thought they were basehalls.
al they u,,a - the seams and a In -
more roundness and they would be base
balis.
It's no wonder / feel like "A sick cater
pillar evc'y morning when l get 10 lie
office. with this kind Of truck in me. III
be nea king Gown one OF these days. ald
then / spuse you'll be whimpcring around
because we can't keep up a 900 llat and
because you can't hike cut and buy S3S
hats that make you look like something
AT the funny end of the Mardi Gras, and
all that
That's the trouble with you women. You
want IL all You fire a man of 20 his
work with an Impossible mess of vile.
hurry-up food in him, and then you eX-
pect him 10 work like a lumberiack in
a long drive 10 get the money SOS ne can
run home and dump in your lap. IL u
Look here, my dear why don't YOU
| comb your hair before you come TO the
table? Oh, don't tell me that you have
| combed IT, ! pose youll admit that I'm
not blind won't your Why. it's flying
around Ike the hair OF witch riding
| through the air on a broom
Certainly. whats the Uses
But that's the way with you women.
What's the use Of running after street
car after you've caught it?" is the
maxim Of au Of YOU. You get your
man by tltivating and primping up and
making a life business OF preening and
pluming and all that sort OF thing. and
a little while after you've got him and he
has no chance on earth 20 accomplish
any decent kind of getaway. why. you
promptly degenerate into slovens, and
then your attitude Is. What are YOU
going 20 DO about it,
Oh. don't tell ne. / don't pretend 90
know much about a lot OF things. but Ii
don't know women like "A book why
then I'd like 10 see the bug wagon back
up to the door and take me away.
But you make mistake. let me tel
you. in showing up before your husband
with your hair flying all over tho place
and with an old house jacket What's
that? A fresh kimono that you just put
on this morning?
Oh. is that So? Wei. II that's a fresh
klmono all I've got 10 say Is that you'd
better change your waShcrwoman II
looks as II il had been worn for three OF
four weeks by somebody down on De
lancey street
These eggs are as hard as bricks. and
vet you know perfectly well that 1 cam
eat eggs unless they're soft boiled
Hows that? They were boiled only q
/. minute and three-Quarters by the watch
, hanging in the kitchen? There YOU sc
: again, Always there with some kind OF
wrIggle, That's Ike woman. They
make perfect business Of trying to con
vince their men that they are stark star
ing. raving crazy and ought TO be in q
lunatic asylum.
Eggs Taste Like TadpOIes.
These eggs are not only the hard
2 boiled kind like you get at railroad eat
5 ing house but they've got n taste thai
reminds me Of the smell OF a pond
used to fish for tadpoles In when I wa,
kid.
Very best eggs in the market. are they
Wei. It's a hundred dollars 10 a bun
= cocoanut that paid the best price in tn,
2 market for 'em, but that doesn't dop,
4 Il out that they're ft 10 eat. unless In
maniac. and I guess I'm not oxactl,
that yet. although it's a cinch I viii be q
% things around here don't begin 70 breal
, little bit better pretty soon.
= How's that? The electric light bill ha.
2 got 20 be paid to-day? Dye mean TO tel
I. me that you haven't paid that electri,
light bill vet? Didn't ! hand YOU TN,
money 10 pay that bill six days ago? Oh
I didn't. hey?
= Oh well. I'm n paretlc all right then
I've got dementia fattiana. that's what
the matter with me. l just think I CAV,
-. you the money 20 pay the electric ligh
, bill. while as a matter Of fact I hande,
e you a nickle TO go get a bottle Of arnica
Great, First thing I know yOull hav
me imagining that I'm Peter the Grea
, or John. John the Piper's Son, and the
, youn he so tickled to death that you'll
. go around tra-la-laing like a little birdi
pefched on a brier bush.
How much Is the electric light bin tina
+ I dreamed I paid? Six seventy-eight?
Whee, What Is this place we're run
, ming around here. a parlor for electrca
=. Migratory treatment or a Tenderloin gin
: mill? Six seventy-eight,
Look here; do you keep the electri
lghts-all the electric lights in the plac
T. burning all day long? As soon as l ge
out of the house do you make the round
]
for the sake OF giving the bill a boost
Because if you don't there must b
something mighty queer about
Putting II Up TO Poker.
How's that? Oh. I am to remember
am !. that I had four poker sessions I
& the dining-room last month and that W
= played until 4 or in the morning. wit
q all of the dining-room electric light
l. burning Ohio. So you throw my littl
occasional game Of poker into my teetl
: just like that. do you? Well. what d'y
!. think O. that.
a rap right on the point Of the Jaw a
the breakfast table because have fe,
o friends once IN a while 10 sit into a pit
fling little game OF 5O-cent poker Wei
Il II that doesn't beat me! Getting bawle
Il out at the breakfast table because L
How's that? You didn't say a wor
e about my poor little miserable poke
5 game? Oh, no. you didn't You made th
o observation that the weather indication
were that maybe II wouldn't snow
August. That's what you said. The
II you said that these skyscrapers are SUI
% TO fall down some Of these DAYS If a
l. earthquake drifts around and hits EN- a
r underground wallop.
IS Oh naVpr mind that -,
lie again. You know Just as we'll as yo
l. know you are alive that you said. IN :
many words, that / was becoming a sIa,