davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Cairo bulletin., 1908-04-23
4 Kind Examiner.

The announcement OF marriage
between children OF the Well-known
musicians Sir John Stainer and Sir
Joseph Barnby reminds correspou-
dent of an anecdote about Sir John
rs professor of music at Oxford. As
an examiner he was most consider
ate, and would always do his best to
get YOU through" | remember his
asking me a poser in viva voce
examination He waited patiently
for the answer, but, partly through
my nervousness no doubt, | could
not think of it. At length he ex-
claimed testify, Dear me, how stuffy
this room it, to be sure" and he
went and began Juggling at the vent
iIator cord it was quite two minutes
before he got the thing open, and by
the time he had sat down again and
rearranged his gown / had the an
swer ready. Comparing notes later
In the day with a man who was eX-
amined quite soon after me,
told him how the yentilator had
served me. How remarkable" he
replied. why, when | was stuck
ne said. How extraordinarily cold
this place is and spent quite two
minutes in shutting the ventilator.
Manchester Guardian.
The Cairo bulletin., 1908-04-23
Freaks in Statuary.

A sculptor was talking about
freak statuary.
Il turn out a lot of it" he said.
Not that | like to. | have to. So
many Of our millionaires have un-
couth tastes.
Il made last fall portrait bnsts of
d Western millionaire and his wife.
The wife wears spectacles and moth
ing would do but | must put spec
tacles on her bust / argued, but
In vain. That bust stands in
the millionaire's spacious library
o-day and spectacles rest on its nose.
nj did last month a bust in col
ors, a bust of a young girl. The
marble hair gilded, the marble eyes
I painted blue, and the marble lips
ana cheeks / fecked with red. Il
hi4eous thing, We, the family We're
deIishted
The freakiest OF my freak statues
stands in a Boston garden. 1t is the
statue OF the owners grandfather, an
% Presbyterian divine The aged
man stands in the center of bed Of
jonquils. and out OF the top OF his
plug hat a jet OF water spurts, fall
Ing into marble basin that he holds
In his hands, a basin wherein swim
half q dozen goldfish. The idea OF
treating one S grandfather like that!
The Cairo bulletin., 1908-04-23
REMARKABLY RIG GAME.
The Wonderful Gun Which was
Owned by sam Sampson.

Not long ago an Ex-Governor of
Michigan, a Cleveland capitalist and
several friends were in the big
woods near Turtle Lake, guided by
Sam Sampson famous hunter and
tlapper. Sam possesses a gun with
a barrel five feet long, but once, ae-
cording to his story. he had a still
longer one,
1T was d wonderful gun, ne
said To the ex-governor. Il could
Nil bar as fur off as / could see
i'm. an that gun was as knowing as
a man. If 1t hant been far that II
would never ha busted'"
How did you break IT. aG9ed
one of the hunters.
1 strained it t death, said the
old guide soberly. I was out hunt-
Ing one day when | seen q buck an
seven does a-standin close onto ne.
| pulled up old Beetle-that's what
] called tn gun--and was jest goin'
T. let 20 when | heard an awful fun
nv noise over my lead. | looked
uT n there wus more'n ten million
wild geese a-sailin over me. There
was In a predcament. / wanted
tn gees n | wanted tn deer. At
last / aimed at tn geese an let silver.
Beetle must ha knowed l wanted
both for that WIS tn end of the old
gun! TIL strain on ner was too
much an both barrels busted. Tn
shot In one Of EN- killed tn buck
tn snot in tn other killed ten geese,
an when Beetle died she kicked 50
hard I was knocked into a crick. But
when | come out my bootlegs was
full fish / amt never seen another
seen gun as Beetle Lippiucott's.
The Cairo bulletin., 1908-04-23
Tested with Drops of Water.

A drop of water, even three or
four drops. falling on the head seems
a thing unworthy OF attention.
nevertheless in China n slow and con-
tinuous dropping Of water on the
head has been found to be method
OF torture under which the most
hardened criminal abiectly howis
for mercy.
When a professor in the Sorbonne
stated this to his class the other
day, says the London Chronicle, one
OF the students laughed increduously.
and said 1t would take a coed deal
OF that sort OF thing to affect him.
The professor assured him that
even one quart OF water dropped
slowly onto mis- hand would be be-
yond his endurance. He agreed TO
experiment
A quart measure filled with water
was brought in, a microscope hole
was bored in the bottom and the per-
Torrance began, the professor count
ing
During the first hundred drops the
student made airy remarks. With
tho second hundred he began to look
less cheerful, then gradually all his
talk died Away, and his face took ON
huggard. tortured expression.
With the third hundred the hand be-
gan to swell an look red. The pain
increased to torture, Finally the
skin broke.
Al the four hundred and twentieth
drop the sceptic acknowledged his
doubts vanished and begged for
mercy. He could bear no more.
The Cairo bulletin., 1908-04-23

NEWS FROM OUR NEIGHBORS {


The new Congregational pastor T.
expected here about the first Of May.
Our farmers are rushing their work
these fine days and lots Of corn win
be planted this week
The ball game Is over aud Alex
neesley made the home run.
Result Of the city election Citizens
ticket For ccuncilmea, Alex Deesley
2&S. f. c. Fletcher 43f Claude Stout
225. for police magistrate Robt A.
Cunningham got Peoples ticket, for
councllmeu John Travis 1911, p II,
stern l17, John Simmons l2l; for
police magistrate, Albert Spence III
The entire Citizens ticket was elected
by good stiff majority The drys
cast i00 votes the vets l63 but this
was not the issue in Mounds.
Mr.. and Mrs Thomas Roche Of
villa Ridge drove down Tuesday to
do some shopping.
Every one is anxiouaiy awaiting for
the decision OF the supreme court on
tine auti-saloon law
mir. Waiter L. Hudson Of the Y, NJ
IL. A.. has decided 20 leave the
Mounds ana take mp the state work
lie Is having his goods packed VI
and Will soon leave for Centralia-
Now. that the election is over lei
MS all unite to better the condition q
this community morally physically
mentally spiritually and financially
The Cairo bulletin., 1908-04-23
GRAND CHAIN, ILL,
April q, 1903.

Mrs. J. f Mackay and little daugh-
ter are visiting for Few weeks with
relatives and friends in Carbonate.
Mr.. ana Mrs Fred Mantz Of Edo
RADIO are the guests of Mrs. Mollle
Thomas this week,
Elalr Bartieson and family lett
Tuesday for Oklahoma
Mrs. G h Walker has gone to the
Hale sanitorium at Anna,
Luther Purnel Oh Mt. Carmel is
visiting relatives here.
Gus Cane Of Harrisburg, was here
on business one day this week.
Tom BiHluesley OF Newport Ark
! is spending a few days here with his
parents
Mr and 2Irs VIII Maine were
hopping in Cairo Tuesday.
| Dr Tarr was called to Belknap
Tuesday evening.
Thomas Boyd, oI Mound City was
herd on business Friday
Iohu Merchant OF Carterville, is
here visiting relatives.
PRESS Biaingslay Went to Cairo
Friday.
Miss Nonta Rutiler was shopping
| md visiting friends in Mound CITY
the last OF last week.
Mr.. and Mrs. Jack owens of Anna
H.. are visiting at W. J. Davidson s.
Arthur Gaskill and wife Went tC
Cairo Monday.
Joe Gaunt went to Chicago Tues
day.
Miss Essie Remsey is home from
Anna for a few days visit
The Cairo bulletin., 1908-04-23

Though nearly ali the metals have
risen in price. mercury has fallen.
Tb.s is due says the Engineering and
Mining Journal. to the decline of the
process of pan amalgamation Tor
working silver ore. Gold mines uti-
lie very small quantities Of mercury.
The two great consumers are China
and japan, where it is utilized for
manufacture OF vermilion and ex-
plosives of secret composition.
The Cairo bulletin., 1908-04-23
irving to Make FIN Attractive.

You know, Katie" said the pro-
prletor OF the railroad station restau-
rant, there is a great deal in having
your pumpkin pies look attractive.
yes. sir. I know it. replied the
girl. Il have done everything could
| have busted off those pumpkin pies
ever morning for the last eight
daysi"
The Cairo bulletin., 1908-04-23
ANSWERS EVERY CALL.
Cairo People Have Found That This
is True.

is True.
4 cold. "a strain, a sudden wrench
A little cause may hurt the Kidneys
Spells OF backache often follow.
or some irreeularity Of the urine,
\ certain remedy for such attacks
4 medicine that answers every call
Is Deans Kidney Pills. a true spe.
clfc.
Many Cairo people rely on it.
Here is Cairo proof
u. Teller &ZG Tweuty-ninth street
Cairo. H.. says Il injured my back
eight months ago by heavy lifting an
was confined 20 the house fer soma
time. was unable to get mp from n
chair unless assisted, and my back
ached all the time | applied plasters
and rubbed myself with liniments but
steadily grew worse. My wife at last
procured Doan's Kidney pills for me
at Schuh < Sons drug store and
took them as directed. After the see
ond day | felt great relief and con
tinued taking them until cured. NJ
back is stronger than every before.
For sale by all dealers. Price 8
cents. Foster-MiIhurn c., Buffalo
New York. sole agents for the Unite,
States.
Remember the name--Doan's San.
take no other.
The Cairo bulletin., 1908-04-23
Building and Loan State.

Pennsylvania is the greatest build
Ing and loan association State in this
country. 1t has 1857 organizations
at last reports and over 329.S52
members. Ohio comes second with
674 associations and over 900 500
members.
The Cairo bulletin., 1908-04-23

There is a movement In Maine TO
permit an opean season for killing
beavers. because of the damage to
standing timber caused by the little
animals. Lumbermen lay all sorts of
depredations at the door of the dam
builders.
The Cairo bulletin., 1908-04-23
Norway's Old Churches.

Some of the wooden churches Of
Norway are fully 700 years old and
are still in an excellent state of pre-
gervation. Their timbers have sue
cessfully resisted the frosty and al
most arctic winters because they have
been repeatedly coated with tar.
The Cairo bulletin., 1908-04-23
DAYS OF Pleasure.

we have no orators such as orr
statesman.
No" answered the other. it
takes some care to compose speeches
of that kind Topics come up so
fast nowadays that by the time you'd
get one good old-fashioned Grafton
written its subject would be out of
date" Washington Star.
The Cairo bulletin., 1908-04-23
Dangers From Sharks.

Sharks were almost unknown in
the Adriatic until the Suez Canal op-
ened. Now the harbors of Flume
and Pola are so infested, with them
that the residents dare no longer
battle in the open sea.
The Cairo bulletin., 1908-04-23

The Bulletin In on sale at the fol
lowing places:
Coieman's, 2f4 Eighth street.
Halliday House News stsnd.
6,us Front Restaurant.
The Cairo bulletin., 1908-04-23

Convicts FILLING the Soil.

Several years ago Denmark began
to utilize conyiets for cultivating the
soil. The example Is to be followed
in Norway, where, in consequence of
immigration, there is a derth of la
borers.
The Cairo bulletin., 1908-04-23
Wanted an Office Boy.

There is a tale about company
promoter who wanted an Office boy.
He advertised and received 100 re-
plies. Ont Of the hundred he select
g, ten whom he interviewed, his
choice falling upon an apparently
bright young5,er to whom he said;
My boy 1 like your appearance
and personality, and think you win
DO. Did you bring Character
No. sir" replied the boy, but |
can go home and get it.
Very WE'LL. replied the promoter.
Bring it back tomorrow and if ii il
satisfactory, | shall engage you"
Late that same afternoon the pro-
moter was surprised BY the return OF
the candidate
Well, he asked Of the boy, have
you got your Character"
mo, said the boy. but / got
yours and / aiat coming, either"
The Cairo bulletin., 1908-04-23
MOUNDS, ILL.
49, .~++..+
April p. 1909

april p. 1903.
The total vote east in the city cleo
ti0H Tuesday was 3eG-
ar William Martin. of Mound City
was over on business Tuesday
Mrs. William Dupfee was a bust
ness caller at this office this morning
Wetaug went dry at Tuesdays
election This makes Pulaski counts
entirely dry by a big majority
Mr.. J ". Gaunt of Grand Cham
was a Mounds visitor Monday.
The Cairo bulletin., 1908-04-23

The above is a correct statement or
the circulation Of the Cairo Bulletin
for the year 1907 and for the month
Of March 1908.
CLYDE SULLIVAN,
Business Manager.
Subscribed and sworn TO before me
this first day of April. 1908.
LEO KLFB.
Notary Public.
The Cairo bulletin., 1908-04-23

Advertising in The Bulletin is profit
able to the advertiser because 1t has
the highest class circulation.
The Cairo bulletin., 1908-04-23
Accounted For.

The Lecturer-Did you say that
fellow walked out in the middle of
my lecture?
Committeeman yes, he walks
! Ia bis sleep, you know
The Cairo bulletin., 1908-04-23
ILLINOIS CENTRAL
Corrected to April I, 1908.
TIE FAST MAIL ROUTE
Trains cave Cairo.


1850 >. m. Daily Chicago Vestibule
Liriitod. afaving Chicago 1850 a. m
2:2s i. ii. Daily ST. Louis Night
Limited. arriving st. Louis 1908 a. m
Sleeping car open at $3.50 p. IN.
500 a. m. Chicago Daylight Express
except Sunday
500 a. IN. st. Louis Morning ex
press, except Sunday.
11:15 a. m. st. Louis Fast Mall.
1f:15 a. m. Chicago Midday Special
2:35 D. m. Daily St. Louis Limited
2:35 p. m. Afternoon Express fol
Odin. Effingham. Nation, Champaign
$40 D., m. Thebes Accommodation.
7:15 .. m. Chicago and Eastern Elk
press.
2:45 a. m. Memphis and Nashville
3:15 a. m. Memphis and New Or
leans Limited.
600 a. m. Paducah and Louisville
1:4t .. m. Daily Memphis and New
Orleans.
f:41 o. m. Daily Nashville. Chatta
nooga and Atlanta.
4:30 D. m. Fulton Accommodation.
$50 o. m Paducah and Louisville.
GOO o. m. Memphis and New o.
leans Special.
For through tickets, sleeping ca
accommodations and further informf
ton apply at Illinois Central Passer
ger Station, Cairo, H.
j. H. JONES, Ticket Agen
S. A. HATCH, G. p. a.
A. n. HANSON. Pass. Traffic Mar.
The Cairo bulletin., 1908-04-23
OFFICIAL DIRECTORY.
Cairo, Alexander County, Illinois
Population 1917.

Cairo, Alexander County Illinois
Population 16,147.
Mayor. GEORGE PARSONS e.. e.
Clerk. r. A. HATCHER
Treasurer. THOMAS f. MAHONEY
City Attorney, FRANK MOORE.
Comptroller, ERNEST WORKMAN.
Police Magistrate, A. ]. ROSS.
Chief of Police. NJ. S. EAGAN.
Alexander County. Population 22.4e7,
= County Clerk, JESSE E. MILLER
Circuit Clerk. LEE B. DAVIS.
Sheriff, FRANK Z. DAVIS.
States Attorney, ALEX. WILSON.
Coroner, DIR. JAMES. McNANUS.
ccaHtg Superintendent of Schools
PROF JOHN SNYDER.
assessfr and Treasurer FRED y
EfsI.LIJ5
eoacd of County Commissioners.
!. ]. JENNELLE. Chairman.
GEORGE PARSONS.
Pr EDWIN J. CAUSE
The Cairo bulletin., 1908-04-23

The Cairo Bulletin is the only Cairo
paper with the service of the Asso-
eisted Press.
The Cairo bulletin., 1908-04-23

DO you know your orders, SEN
try" an irish soldier on guard was
asked.
Yes, sor." was the reply.
Know the points Of the compass?"
continued the officer
Yes. sor,"
IF you face the rising sun, your
left hand would be on the north of
you, and your right hand to the south
of you What would be behind
yol2'
Me knapsack, sor!''-World's
wit
The Cairo bulletin., 1908-04-23
Defy Old Age.

You pass your own sentence Of age.
Keep the heart young. the body active
and in health For the tired feeling
sleep. and the lazy habit may be
trained away
The Cairo bulletin., 1908-04-23

ILLINOIS CENTRAL
EXCURSION BULLETIN.
One Way Second-Cfass ColonIst Rates
to California and Points N
the Northwest.

Corresponding low rates 10 orne'
points on main lines and branches
in California, Oregon, Washington
Alberta, Arizona, British Columbia
Idaho, Mexico, Montana, Nevada
New Mexico and Utah.
Tickets on SALE daily during March
and April, 1908 Every Monday or
train No. I IT 600 p. M, through tour
ist sleeper leaves Cairo running via
New Orleans and Southern Pacific
r.. r. to Los Angeles and San Fran
cisco.
\ For#fulI information apply to J. n
, jones, Ticket Agent. Central unior
Station, Cairo, Ill.
A. n. HANSON, p. r. vi.
s. G. HATCH, G. p. A. Chicago, III.
The Cairo bulletin., 1908-04-23
CIRCULATION STATEMENT,

Average number Of complete and
perfect copies Of the Cairo
bulletin printed daily and Sun
day during the year 1907 2ff'
Average number of complete and
perfect copies of the Cairo
Ilulletin printed daily and sun
day during the month Of March
1aos 2o3l
The Cairo bulletin., 1908-04-23

Bundle Bee hear Miss Butter
fly has become dissipated
Honey Ree-Yes. she just about
lives on that poppy plant.
Charlevoix county herald., 1908-06-06
Sees Danger in Tariff Revision.

1t is impossible for congress to I'M
dertake the revision of the tariff with
out thereby creating a condition of
suspense. No matter how moderate
may be the published program there
can never be any assurance that it will
be strictly followed, that the emenda.
tons to be made will be confined with
in the prescribed limits. AS they can
not tell what to expect, business men
are consequently constrained as much
as possible to circumscribe their OPP
erations. They live as nearly as they
can from hand to mouth, with the re-
suit that trade of every kind is re-
duced to a minimum, to the universal
loss, and what are known as hard
times supervene.
What the American people are more
in need of just now than anything
else is a rest from unnecessary anxi-
ETY.. After the distressful crisis
through which they have lately passed
they want a chance to recuperate, to
recruit their energies, to consolidate
their interests, and it is precisely of
this chance that the inception of a
tariff tinkering agitation would de-
prive them.-Philadelphi Inquirer.
Charlevoix county herald., 1908-06-06
The Invisible EXCHANGES.

Recent statistics of our foreign trade
show an enormous excess of exports
over imports. I'm raising the scale
of exports, and in simultaneously low
ering that of imports" writes Charles
F. Speare in the Van Norden Maya
zine. I'VE have had no difficulty, since
October, in creating balance of trade
amounting to 32S,O00,O00."
The situation is one to renew inter-
est in the ever recurring discussion
of the invisible exchanges. Evident
ly we cannot take all and give moth
ing. If at any one time We could
drain foreign countries of their money
we should then have to wait for future
sales Of our produce abroad until
those countries had regained their
purchasing power.
II has been shown that without our
big sales we should be very badly
pinched indeed, and there is this hint
at the close: with the United
States the question of future trade
balance depends on her ability to en-
large foreign markets and to travel
along path of stricter economy"
Charlevoix county herald., 1908-06-06

Talk about masculine superiority said the
ktobe-trotter you ought to the way women
~efeet man guest in Japan. There's nice fellow
in Tokyo whom l used to know. He was in San
Francisco a few years ago, but he went back to
take up his fathers business. Well, | was invited
TO his house in Tokyo Say, you ought to have
seen the way Mrs Furugawa saluted me, She was
sweet little creature not really pretty, but gen.
tie and dainty and all that of thing. WE'LL sir
she went down on her knees and crossed her hands
the floor and bowed her head down to touch
the mating. | felt like grinning idol. Furugawa
ought to have told her not to- or else he ought to
have given her warning l might have gone down
on my own knees; but it was I'd no idea what
she going to do, so there stood like a wooden
image of heather god, and she thinking all the
time what beastly manners Americans have
You've no idea what idiot it made me feel What
I'm used TO at home is having a sternly aggressive
American deliberately glare at me in
street till give her my seat"
1T was hard you" said the hostess, with a
twinkle in her eye. Il remember you of old at
dancing school, and how you used to hate even that
mild ordeal
Boys always hate bowling and scraping But
girls seem to take to it like ducks to water"
Alas, not all of us" put in plump and jolly
young matron; while we were in London last year
] was presented to Queen Alexandra To tell the
truth, l really had supposed knew how to make a
suitable curtsey, but my friend, Eileen Tanning
who gave various points beforehand made me
practice and while she criticised 1t all
seemed too absurd for anything but really assure
you those rehearsals were all that saved me from
dying of modification the floor of Buckingham
palace If you fancy it's easy to make very, very
low sweeping curtsey, almost to the very floor
again and again and again, gracefully retiring dur
ing the process and not getting tripped up by the
longest train you ever had chance to wear-wel
just try it yourself!"
AT least you did know what expected of
YOU and had time to prepare for it, said the
traveller. Its when you up against
expected kind of salutation that you're lost / saw
a funny sight the pier here just as | was
landing from of the Hamburg American boats
There big, bearded Russian board coming
walked down the gang-plank there two young
Areople waiting for him, pretty girl, evidently
1ussan, and young fellow who wasn't Russian at
all but spoke English and looked If he hailed
from the state of Maine. Well the with the
beard fell upon the pretty girl as If he never
anything so good before guessed he Uncle
Niklovitch something of that sort And when
he had kissed Olga both pink cheeks didn't he
lust grab the stiff, shy Yankee fellow and kiss him.
too! Yes, sir, first cheek and then the
other Just as If he'd been waiting sweetheart.
That poor fellow from Aroostook county Grim
son to his ears when Uncle Nklovitch gave him
a parting bear-hug and set him free. / suppose he'd
never I'm all his life Russian kiss each
other-but he'll see more If he marres the pretty
girl as guess he means to-.
Hard on a New England man." suggested
Charlevoix county herald., 1908-06-06
ADVISING Murder.

The general assembly has been
asked to pass a law making it felony
for any one to advocate publicly by
word of mouth or in writing the MUIR
der of any person in Illinois or else
where, says the Chicago Tribune. II
there were such law, it would be
possible to send to the penitentiary
anybody who printed in this state
a paper similar to that anarchist pub
lication in Paterson, n. j., which was
thrown out of the mails for giving
murderous advice. If there were such
a law, any man who got up in a pub
lie meeting in this state and sought
to impress upon his hearers the desir
ability Of numbering some policemen
Or public officials could be sent to
the penitentiary. At present he could
be charged only with misdemeanor.
1t is to be hoped that nobody in
the legislature will see in this meas
ure an invasion of the right to free
speech or a free press, or will as
sert that the present penalties for
recommending murder as a panacea
for alleged social ills are adequate. 1t
is true that the men who applaud the
murderers of kings, presidents, and
policemen, and urge others to go and
do likewise, are not in the habit of
risking their own necks. They leave
the assassin's hazard to others. Their
violent speeches and writings stir up
others to commit bloody deeds. IL
tie fiery counselor of murder knew
that the penitentiary awaited him he
would not be so prodigal with his adj
vice. He would not court tie mar
tyrdom Of hard labor.
Charlevoix county herald., 1908-06-06
LEAN and Swollen fortunes. -

Borrowing President Roosevelt S
phrase, swollen fortunes" the Demo-
Gratis at Omaha ask for national in
come tax, also a national inheritance
tax. They do not say that, If the ma
tional government is to have these
taxes, the state governments shall not
also have them, and thus the swollen
fortunes be doubly taxed. Oddly
enough, the Democrats at Omaha,
while formulating contradictory defini-
tons of monopoly, did not even at
tempt to decide the figure at which a
fortune becomes swollen" The skill
with which they impaled monopoly
upon the horns of two percentages
halted confused before the contem-
plation of fortunes. When is a fortune
lean? When is 1t swollen" Mr..
Bryan. happily, has a fortune. We re-
joice over his pleasant estate. But is
his fortune swollen" We do not
know. Omaha probably paled at the
thought and desisted from any further
attempt at definition. Which was Just
IA we'll