The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1908-08-13

thorn in the side of the body-social Of
Watervale, for Judith Quimby spin.
ster, owned the only church in that lit
tie village-she had inherited the edi-
flee from her father, who had got IL by
foreclosure-and being the proprietor
of the church-bulding she had taken
1t upon herself to dictate the views of
the clergy who should hold forth from
its pulpit
judith Quimby, spinster, was a Bap-
tist, and so also were the divines en-
gagged to wake spiritual thunder in the
pulpit of her church. Watervale like
wise was Baptist, but Judith Quimby's
eagle nose was a sensitive spiritual
thermometer. which she thrust into
the depths of each of her cleTgyman's
wells of faith, and If that thermometer
registered the slightest variation of a
degree from the temperature of her
own wells of faith, then Judith Quinn
by spinster, arose, accused the un-
happy clergyman of heresy, showed
him to the door of her favor, and drove
him forth peremptorily. In a year she
had dismissed four men Of God.
1t would seem that the good people
of Watervale might have taken into
their own hands their spiritual peace
and welfare, engaged that particular
divine who most pleased them, and
have set him to preaching from an i'm.
provised pulpit in a barn, If need be;
but ah! what is an ordained minister,
what even religion, without a spircd,
cupolaed church? No! their clergy
man must preach from a regular
church edifice, and Watervale being
too needy to erect house of worship
of its own, needs suffer all the incon-
venience and vexation visited upon It
by the eccentricities of the owner of
the one church in the village-Judith
Quimby, spinster
The month of August, embracing
five Sundays, passed, and during this
no inconsiderable period Watervale re-
mained wholly without public religious
edification, whereat the villagers be-
gan to murmur, but Judith Quimby set
her thin lips and stood firm. The Lord
in good time, would send a minister of
true orthodoxy, she assured her towns
people, and better that He should for
get their needs than that the village
should be corrupted by heresy. Bet
ter no prophet than false one.
The first week in September came
and went, and it began to look as If
Miss Quimby herself would have to fill
her empty pulpit, when her deacon,
Timothy Watts, Esq, received letter
bearing the postmark of a city in
Michigan.
Breaking the envelope, he perused
the following amazing communication:
Mr.. Timothy Watts, Watervale.-Rever-
end Sir: Learning that you are the dea-
con of the Baptist church of Watervale
we take the liberty Of introducing our
selves TO you.
We are known as the Clergyman, Church
& Choir Supply company, and are in
corpOrated under the laws OF the state of
Michigan We are prepared to supply the
public with clergynen OF every denom-
nation and all shades of the same. our
correspondent has informed us that your
village is at present i'm need of Baptist
clergyman. May we have your permis-
sion to submit samples? 1t will cost YOU
nothing for examination, and our terms
for the goods, delivered, will be as fol-
lows: one hundred dollars a year, pay
able quarterly in advance
The clergyman chosen by your constit-
uency will preach one timely, original SER
mon each week, with opening prayer and
benediction, and be kept in working order
at our expense.
Only fine-looking clergymen in stock,
and we call particular attention to the
fact that all sermons can be examined be-
fore delivery, and edited to suit the tastes
of the congregation.
We furnish choirs, too. in all languages
and at the most reasonable prices.
We are also prepared TO furnish porta-
BILE or non-portcble churches, at the
shortest notice.
All religions constantly in stock, and
new forms and rituals constantly added
In case you should wish to consider our
proposition further we will be pleased to
mall you cur handsome illustrated cata-
logue, or, better still, have our agent call
In person upon you.
Trusting to receive an early order. and
guaranteeing you the highest satisfaction.
We subscribe ourselves,
THE CLERGYMAN. CHURCH & CHOIR
SUPPLY COMPANY.
We'll, swan" exclaimed Deacon
Watts, removing his glasses and rub
bins the indentation that they had
made in the bridge of his nose; this
beats mel"
Again the man of peace perused the
typewriter communication, then, fold
ing ii carefully. placed 1t in his pocket
and went over to Judith Quimby,
spinster. for further light.
Two hours later Deacon Watts post
ed letter directed to the Clergyman,
Church G. Choir Supply Company.
Judith Quimby had commanded that
unique company to send down an
agent to Watervale with samples of
Baptist clergymen and the terms for
n choir of two male and two female
voices: For while we are about 1t,
deacon" snapped Miss Judith, I'VE
might as well see If we can get choir
that can praise the Lord. without
scratching each others eyes out at the
same time!"
The following Tuesday an agent of
the &. c. e. c. S. Co. arrived and with
the aid of her deacon, Judith