davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1908-03-05

A new military prison chaplain was
recently appointed In certain town II
Scotland. He was man who greatly
magnifed his office. And entering one
OF the cells on the first round Of In.
spection, he, with much pomposity, thus
addressed the prisoner who occupied
1t:
swell, sir, do you know who am r.
mo, nor dinna care" was the non
chalant reply.
"Weel, I'm your new chaplain"
"Oh, ye are7 Well, l hae heard o.
ye before.
"And what did you hear?- returned
the chaplain, his curiosity getting the
better of his dignity.
well, / heard that the last twa
kinks we were in We preached them
bath empty, but III be hanged If ye
find 1t such an easy matter to do the
same WI this one"
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1908-03-05
CAPTAIN WINS TIE Cross.
Proves TO III. General That His AS
sertion Is True.

Proves 10 His General That His As
sertion IL True.
] The Russian field marshal Paskle-
Witch records the following Incident /:
On one occasion he had ordered a we'll
sustained shell fire to be opened on a
certain point which INSTRUCTED him In
his operations and lmpatiently awaited
the result Seeing that his orders were
not obeyed, Paskleviteh set spurs to his
horse and galloped toward the emf
nence on which the unlucky battery
was stationed.
who is the fool In command hereY"
he asked
Il am" answered an officer, stepping
up TO the general.
We'll, captain, how is IL your shells
have not got to work yetg'
Because they are bad and won't ex-
plode. general"
"All bosh, l tell you, sir; you don't
catch me with such silly stun. This
very evening you shall be tried by
court martial"
The captain then took q shell out of
the heap, lighting the fuse, and hold.
ing the smoking projectile in his hand
he saluted his superior officer, saying
See for yourself" Paskievitch, with
out wlnclug stood with folded arms
awaiting 20 see whether the shell would
burst or the fuse go out. When the
match had gone out the captain threw
the shell on the ground and the general, |
to himself. "He is right |
rushed OF TO the scene OF action 10 Take
some other measures. The same even. /
Ing. however, he sent the captain the
cross of ST. Yladimir.-London Teie-
graph.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1908-03-05
Missed III. Vocation.

Reginald de Koven. the composer.
tells OF grocer aud druggist who at
tended Wagner concert. As the pro-
gram did not please them, they began
talking on music In general aud on
Wagner I'm particular.
Another example OF the fact that
every man wants 10 do something out
OF his line" said the druggist
That's right" assented tho grocer
Nov, I'm grocer, but I've always
wanted TO be banker"
You'd probably fall" added the
druggist. Look at me. I'm a success
as a druggist. yet I've always wanted
20 write a book This man Wagner
tries his hand al music. Just listen to
IL Aud yet we all know he builds good
parlor cars !"-Success Magazine
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1908-03-05
An Appropriate Hymn.

The worshipers In certain chapel
had some trouble 10 keep their faces
straight short time ago.
During the service some commotion
was caused by gentleman who accl-
dentaliy lgnited a box OF wax matches
in his pocket and was trying to put
them out while his alarmed neighbors
struggled equally hard to help him.
The minister, being shovtsIghted.
could not make out the reason Of the
disturbance. and, thinking to diplo-
matically cover the Incident. he limo
Gently said
Brethren, there Is little noise go
fng on Until II is over LEI us sing
Sometimes Light Surprises Lon
don Chronicle.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1908-03-05
Muonsterbera on Cb.r,tv

Prof. Emil Muensterberg, head of the
public charities of Berlin, was the prin-
cipal speaker at the celebration of the
twenty-fifth anniversary of the New York
Charity Organization Society at Carnegie
Hall recently. along with Mayor Nc
Clellan, Gov. Hughes and others. PROT
Muensterberg said that charity work had
to be undertaken now in ''the twilight of
widespread egotism and selfsnness,p but
that the work had changed from a purely
philanthropic to social conception. He
finds that private charity does in this
country the work done by the government
Ia Germany.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1908-03-05

twelve and one-half years. Burns later
got these men for making counterfeit
$40 notes out OF 81 silver certificates
while they were still confined In Jail,
the counterfelters having. by the appli-
cation OF extraordinary ingenuity, man
aged to engraye a set OF plates in Jail.
Burns worked up the Oregon land
fraud cases which led to the convic-
tlon OF Senotor Mitchell and others,
On number OF occasions President
Roosevelt has selected him for import
ant duty.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1908-03-05

out time and again; that other nations
years ago recognized it as fatal and
now have armor wrapped around the
sides of their war vessels from i've to
seven feet above the water line.
That, despite repeated accidents on
board our ships, the Navy Department
yearrafter year has approved of plans
by which the greatest guns on the
ships are directly above an open shaft
leading to the powder magazine
That other nations long since recog-
nlzed the criminal stupidity OF thus en-
dangering the lives of officers and men
and have remedled the defect by use
of common sense and ordinary precau-
tionary measures.
That, without regard to the protests
of experts, our battle ships have been
built so low that If the sea is heavy
and ships are in action, the sea would
wash over the vessels, render some of
their most effective guns useless and
practically leave the ship to the mercy
of the enemy.
IhC tue hIuNElCUn navy
who command the battle ships and
squadrons are too old; that under ex-
listing conditions young men cannot at
tain command, and that the service is
badly crippled as a result
That there is too much bureau man.
agement" In Washington; too much
red tape In the Navy Department;
that American genius is stifed because
of the bureaus immersion In details.
and that with the Secretary of the
Navy 4 civilian. he should have a
board OF expert advisers
Other matters are dwelt on. but tn.
are by far the most lmpor-
tant An afternoons fight on water
sealed Russla's fate in the recent war
with Japan, says Mr.. Reuterdahl, and
the same may well be true of the NEXT
war into which this nation Is plunged.
rhe Issue Is so important and the stake
70 tremendous that the sea power
which is prepared In every respect tn
Meet the crisis will be the victor.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1908-03-05


I'd rather be to grandpa's house
Than any place know;
For grandpa says | am his boy
And grandma loves me so.
When | get down to grandpa's house
You bet I'll make things hum;
There won't be no one then TO say,
Now, sonny, stop that drum"
III go barefooted in the grass
And do just as l please
III paddle in mud puddles and
III climb the biggest trees;
I'll slide down on the banlsters;
I'll shin up every door;
/ won't be scolded when | track
Up grandma's kitchen floor.
When / get down to grandpa's house
I'll be boy again.
Folks amt afraid of freckles there,
Nor bother bout the rain.
I'll ride the horses bareback and
I'll walk on ev'ry fence
No one'll scold me when tear
My pants-gee, that's immense
I'd rather be TO grandpa's house
Because | have such fun,
And I'll be awful sorry when
Vacation time is done.
| like to be at grandpa's house
And be a boy once more,
Where | don't get no scoldng when
] track up grandma's floor.
New York Sun.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1908-03-05

Money is suffering from bad cir

Money is suffering from bad Circulation
An Aurora (Ill.) physician has discov-
cred that peanuts are a beauty diet. This
ought to be circus for some people.
An Eastern banker says, I'VE want
more common sense We want also more
dollars, which are not so common now.
If prices of bread and meat keen on
coming down, pretty soon the average
man can afford to eat three meals a day.
Chief Sprybuck, the Indian who drank
a quart Of blue paint. is carrying the
decorative interior" fad to an extreme.
With 100000 divorce suits in ten
years, the United States is plainly in need
OF national "Stay-Married Association
After while it may dawn on the army
recruiters that the average soldier doesn't
look upon sl3 month as any great graft.
pennsylvania miser who spent only 3
cents last year is dead He Just Couldn't
Dear the increase in living expenses.
Secretary Cortelyou is trying to in-
press us with the fact that stockings were
made Go be worn and not to hoard meRey
in
James J. Hill says the railroads need
billions OF dollars. From present pros
poets, 1t will be some time before they
get 'em.
An Italian count one American heiYess
married turned out to be an ex-conviet.
Some of the other counts haven't vet been.
convicted.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1908-03-05
Doing M, share.

do you contribute to the happiness.
and prosperity OF others without ex-
pecting any selfish rewardT' asked the
sincere man.
II should say so" answered the
crusty citizen. II have for years been
directors happy and prosper
ous by paying life Insurance premiums
Washington Star.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1908-03-05
FARMING IN A DESERT.
There Are Colonizing Possibik Mites
Even in Death Valley.

The craze of demonstrating" whieA Is
seems to have reached its limit IN the
choice of Death Valley as colOatztng
possibility. With the idea of Trans
forming the most arid and most desc
late portion of the great American DIES
ert into farm land, number Of tracts
have been homestaked, irrigation sys,
TENS have been planned. and other
preparations are now in progress for
beginning the reclamation of Death
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1908-03-05
questions Almond nira.

There Is still a great deal unknown
about the birds migrating. Why do
they leave when there is still food
enough for all and pleasant weather?
What tells them, or how do they know,
winter is comlng-a season OF cold and
famine? What birds mingle and what
journey by themselves? And how do
they know their course st. Nicholas.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1908-03-05
The Telegraph Plant.

There is queer shrub growing in
India, whose tri-foliate leaves move in
way much like railway telegraph sig
nails. The two side leaves rise and
fall alternately for time, and then
are still, soon starting into motion
again. The leaves are most active in
the early morning. Sometimes many
OF them are In motion at oncej at other
times, only few of them are; which
shows that their action does not de.
pend on the wind.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1908-03-05
Currant Cake.

The heading Of this paragraph will
be sure to attract the attention Of the
boys and girls. for OF course they all
like currant cake BY this is meant
the cake that has little black specks all
through it, which look, for all the
world. like dead files, II you will par
don the expression. Everybody calls It
currant cake, but the little black
specks, you will probably be surprised
to hear, are not currants at all, but a
kind of ralsln, made from little grapes
that grow In the island zante and in
other Greek islands. The way they
came to be called currants Is rather
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1908-03-05
rbe Right Kind OF /. nov,

The other morning we were in the
midst of three days rain. The fire
smoked, the dining room was chilly,
and, when we assembled for breakfast,
father looked rather grim, and mother
tired; for the baby had been restless all
night. Polly was plainly inclined to
frettulness, and Bridget undeniably
cross, when Jack came In with the
breakfast rolls from the bakers. He
had taken of his coat and boots in the
hall, and he came In rosy and smiling.
Here's the paper, sir" said he to his
father. with such a cheerful tone that
his fathers brow relaxed, and he said,
"Ah, Jack. thank you," quite pleasantly.
His mother looked up at him smiling.
and he Just touched her cheek gently as
he passed.
TOP OF the morning to you, Polly
wog," he said to his little sister, and
delivered the rolls TO Bridget, with
Here you are, Bridget. Aren't you
sorry you didn't go yourself this beau
tiful dsyT'
He gave the fire poke and opened
the damper. The smoke ceased, and
the Goals began to glow; and
five minutes after Jack came In we
around the table, and were
eating our oatmeal as cheerily as pos
sible This seems very simple in the
telling. and Jack never knew he had
done anything at all; but he had. in
fact, changed the whole moral atmos-
phere OF the room, and had started a
gloomy day pleasantly for FIVE people. |
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1908-03-05
To Produce sociaIistic PIny.

The Socialist Stage Society of New
York City has for its object the produc-
ton Of plays in which socialism is the
keynote. Its manager, Mr.. Hopp, says
that when the society is in good running
order II will be able to assure manager
an audience of 5000. at the start for
satisfactory play. In the meantime IL
intends to produce It's own plays, which
1t Is claimed can be done for q very sraGll
actual cash OUTLAY.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1908-03-05
On to Hin,

you know" said Bragg. 81 expect
to spend my vacation on steam
yacht"
How foolish!" exclaimed Knox.
.why don't you take rest instead Of
looking for extra work? Besides stok-
ing is such a hot job."-Philadelphia
Press
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1908-03-05

valley. A railroad is already built
from Greenwater, at the southern end
OF the valley, TO the bOrax works owned
by the celebrated "Borax" Smith Of %
mule team fame, and there Is an auto
mobile stage line through the valley.
Even enthusiasts do not claim that
piping water from Telescope Peak
across the Funeral range into the val.
ley Is also under consideration.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1908-03-05

"Are you sure that the studies your
son is pursuing are really usefulT
Positive" answered Farme Corntos
sell Anything is useful that will keep
Josh from goin' out an gettin' into
fights with the nelghborS Washing
ton Star.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1908-03-05

A good scale for weighing letters
may be made by any one without ex-
pense. Get the handle OF worn-out
broom and cut off about fifteen inches
OF it. Pour water into wider outhed
jar until 1t is nearly full, and having
attached weight to one end of the
stick and tackled square Of cardboard
to the other, the latter to serve as a
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1908-03-05
Inst HI- Why.

THAT was sly trick. I'll bet Sly
man was the author OF IT.
"why, there isn't the slightest evil
dence to connect him with 1t"
That's Just why I'm sure he's at the
bottom OF it.'-Philadelphla Press.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1908-03-05

strange. In olden times they were
called ''corinths." because they grew in
great profusion near Corinth, and eth
er from that fact, or from the name
"currants," as they were sometimes
called, came our word currant. So
'currant cake' is really "raisin cake"
but It's good, no matter what you
call IT
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1908-03-05
when somrtbing Come. Of n.

Nell-These men who are always try.
Ing 10 kiss you make me very tired.
Belie-Me, too. There's nothing I
admire so much as a successful man
Philadelphia Ledger.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1908-03-05
Conscience.

you can't allus glib a man credit fob
a clear conscience said Uncle Eben,
because he looks cheerful. Oar is
some people dat smiles de hardest after
dey has put through de crookedes'
deals "-Washington Star
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1908-03-05

RoysIty's Whispered Conversation.
The emperor and empress OF Japan
when receiving visitor whom they
have not met before, generally con-
verse In whispers
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1908-03-05

Every young man in love with a
pretty and incapable girl underesti-
mates the time it will take to learn
how to COOK.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1908-03-05

Puppy love" is always so serious at
the tine that the victim wonders Of
terward how he ever recovered so
nuickly.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-03-14

little was known OF his legislative ca
paclty. A successful financier with
large property interests. Senator smoot
Is man OF capacity, and not readily
tempted into the paths OF wildcatisrn.
so popular In some OF Utah's neighbour
ing states. Mr.. Smoot made very abba
address on the nations banking laws,
the other day. and developed "A grasp of
the subject he was not generally sup
posed 20 POSSESS. referring TO the Pop
ulistic notion OF guaranteeing bank de-
poslts, the following excerpt from Mr..
Shoots speech is striltingly sensible,
and we believe Il will be Endorsed
heartily by bankers and business men
Now, we have all forms OF cur
rency passing everywhere with equal
value, paper being preferred TO gold
because 1t Is more convenient TO carry.
! think an experiment with a form or
currency differing radically from the
forms 20 which the people are accus-
toned would prove risky. Mr.. Presi-
dent, l do not favor guaranty OF bank
deposits by the Government, because /
do not think 1t necessary. and do not
believe that the Government-tha whole
people-should go security for individ-
uHl interests We should avoid such a
policy on grounds OF principle. II the
Government should undertake to guar
antee on,a business IL would be called
on to guarantee another. The prece-
dent would be set and the scramble for
political favors and political advantage
would be begun. Such policy would
put all hanks on terms of equality, so
far as the public is concerned. regard
less of how they were managed. The
deposits in a bank are now an express
sion OF confidence in its management.
The bank which has won the confidence
OF the public by capable and honest
management has the right to the adj
vantage II has so honorably gained. 1t
IL useless to try TO sneer away this idea.
OF course, if all banks We're taxed to
raise a fund 20 guarantee deposits the
best managed banks. which would de-
rive no benefit would have to pay as
well as the poorly managed banks. in
whose interest such plan would OPP
crate. / will admit that If this plan
We're made one of voluntary insurance
instead of taxation. all would probably
go into 1t. The best managed banks
would be placed at disadvantage II
their depositors were not insured while
those of other banks were. This plan
would place a premium on mismanage-
nent and be an injustice to men who
have won confidence by lives of integri-
ty.'"
Our Troy contemporary devotes the
larger part OF a column to quotations
and favorable comments on Senator
Shoots address in the Senate on this
subject. Utah is not only well repre-
sented in Congress, but the fact is quite
generally known and admitted
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-03-14

an altar. Small holes drilled beside the
arches suggested to the explorer that
curtains were used TO divide one room
from another, and MS there were nc
windows It is thought probable that ar
tlncial light was used.
Mr.. Thomson is OF the opinion that
the builders OF this temple We're fa-
mlllar with the use OF some metal tools.
for, he says, It would be impossible to
create such an architectural marvel,
with It's rich sculptures and engraV-
ings with no other implements than
stones. no matter how hard. They
must have been skilled in the making
OF metal Implements OF some kind.
Discoveries OF this kind are OF special
interest to the Latter-day Saints who
believe in the authenticity OF the Book
Of Mormon. Every new advance in
our knowledge OF the past Of the
American continents confirms che
claim OF the Prophet Joseph, that the
was guided from heaven in tho discov-
cry and translation OF that remarkable
volume, The 1yattcr-day Saints have
the testimony Of the Spirit in their
own souls concerning the truth OF the
Gospel, and this is corroborated by
evidence furnished by research.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-03-14
A SERMONET FOR WORKERS

(FTor the News by II. j. Hapgood.)
a newspaper editor once sent out an
invitation to a number of prominent
business and professional men to eX-
press their ideas on what they consid-
cred the most essential element to suc-
cess. A prize was offered to the one
giving the best answer and in order
that no Partially should be shown the
competitors were required to withhold
their answers till IL O'clock noon of
certain day. They We're then supposed
to answer by wire and were particularly
urged to restrict their messages to ten
words.
When the appointed time arrived all
sorts of kilograms were piled up on the
editors desk. Some mentioned one
thing and some another as being the
element most essential to success. There
were quotations from the Bible, from
Shakespeare. and Ben Franklin. and
numerous nice-sounding phrases. such
as brains plus character plus hard
work go to make success" All con-
formed to the ten-word rule, however,
as any breach of this regulation would
irreparably disqualify the competitor.
The prize went to broker in Kansas
City; for the editor said that his origin
ality alone deserved merit; here is what
he gave as the element most essential
to success;
Luck! I've got the whole bunch
beat by nine words"
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1908-03-14
AN ANCIENT TEMPLE.

The remains Of an ancient temple
have been discovered in the heart of 81
forest OF Guatemala, by an amateur
Archaeological, A. NJ. Thomson -Four
years ago, II seems he was on a busl-
ness trip in the state of Sonora. Mexi-
co. and while there, he became desir-
Gus OF penetrating some Of the I'M
known wilds OF Central America. He
prepared himself carefully for the eN-
pedition.
After sojourn OF several months
among the Mayas. the explorers pro-
ceeded to the region of Lake Peten.
on thS+ way through dense woods 1t
was a common occurrence to CONS
upon the ruins OF ancient cities, or to
ind hevn and sculptured rocks, hut
about forty miles from the lake. the
travC ars found the ruins OF marble
temple After they had broken through
the jungle, they faced n grand stair
case of white marble, sixty feet in
breadth There were 100 steps and
these led TO the summit Of an artificial
mound. about so or 80 feet high ana
upon which stood "A structure of white
marble.
This building was found to be 100 by
so feet, ana two stories In height. The
slabs had been titted perfectly, ana
bore evidence OF having been polished
Across the front and along each side
were triangular arches and the slabs
We're carved with concentrations In
roliof, which, II is said, in richness ana
elaboration would be difficult TO match
ia amy modern building. The arches
were seven feet i'm breadth and the pill
lars dividing them Ayc feet In diane,
ter Upon each was the figure of n
man bearing a leopard skin over his
shoulders massive bands about the
mikes and a palm branch In the out
stretched hand There were other
sculpture and carvings, ana the opin-
ION was expressed by one of the party
that the builders OF that structure
We're familiar with the symbols OF
Free Masonry.
inc roof was In a marvellous state or
preservation. In the Interior was found