The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-04-04


"a few weeks ago Brudder Holdback
Johnsing claimed to have had a dream
wherein he saw .hlsself digging up a
chest of gold III his back yard He
formed a stock company OF ten persons
at dollar n head and began to dig. He
didn't find anything but old boots and
beef bones. but he kept de money
under de plea dat he was a promoter.
Oar he sots ober dar, with his knees
shaking. It's well dat he shakes Do
promoter am thing Of de past, and
de cx-brudder will pick up his hat and
walk.
"Sundown Taylor was treasurer Of
baseball club. He received de dues Of
de members. IL was diskibered about
a month ago dat he had used all de
money on hisself. and up to now nuth-
ing has been done about 1t. He claims
| dat II am dc same as de banking biz
ness and dat he has closed his doahs
In regular fashion We won't waste
any time In discussing de question. He
will be toolien out to de head Of de
alley stairs and dropped fifteen feet
down into snowdrift. De banking
bizness of dis kentry am gwine TO be
improved on.
Samuel Shin bought pore old
mewl for S5 and den at once watered
| de stock 100 per cent. In odder words,
he advanced de value of dat mewl to
| $40. 1t was de same old mewl-same
lonesome cough. same weak legs,
same blind eye Along comes Brudder
Sunrise Brown and pays de price, and
next mawning he gets up to find de
T, old mewl dead He raises a row, but
| Brudder Shin claims dat all de trusts
| and most of de railroads in de kentry
| have watered DER stocks dc same way.
! He forgets, however, dat de people
have found II out and are letting dem
| stocks alone. OATS de way we am
| gwine to do wild Samuel. He am sus.
/ pended from membership in dis club
| for dc next six months, and dat sus-
pension will be made permanent un.
less he pays back at least So of de
| money.
"Sir Isaac Walpole. one of our oldest
members, had an acre of cabbages last
| fall. He talked about scarcity until
he got de folks around him all excited,
and dey bought of him at most any
! price. Later II turned out dat deir
was plenty of cabbage heads In de
kentry. Sir Isaac owned up dat 1t was
| little corner of his, and he was
ready to name fifty other cases whar
food and medicines had been cornered.
don't say he is any worse dan doze
| odders, but dis hall will not see him
| ag'in for three months. We will make
corner OH him and see how he likes
| It.
| Formed Fake Stock Company.
| "Brudder Compatibility Anderson
digs II hole I'm his back yard and
spreads de news dat he has found gold
ore. He forms n stock company at 20
cents sheer and takes In about thirty
| pussons Den he fades out of sight.
No one knows whnr he am at present.
but his name has been crossed off our
| list and we shall nebber see him yere
( ag'in. He didn't do any mo- dan hun
dreds Of odders have done. but dat
way of doing am played out
! "Brudder Combustion Hiker goes
around borrying quarter yere and a
| half dere until he has raised 500 Den
| he announces dat he has gone into
bankruptcy or will 80 in unless his
creditors accept a compromise of per
cent Dey have to do it, and he am
way ahead and dey ain way behind.
| 1t has been done 10000 times befo',
and Brudder Hiker am no wuss dan
heaps of white men at de top of So
| ciety. but he will stand suspended
yere till de last cent OF his debts am
paid up.
"When l ask you to name ten capl-
| taists In dis kentry who have not been
charged wild swindllng, who am you
gwine TO begin wild?
"When ask you to name ten politi-
clans who am not under suspicion of
grating. whar you gwine to find EN-?
"We hear about dis and dat great
linancier How many OF 'em have
made DER money straight and squar',
widout robbing lie people?
How many palaces have been erect.
ed from lie well swindles?
How many steam yachts bought
from stock swindles?
How many foreign husbands have
been bought by de daughters of Amerl.
can mine swindlers?
"But it's about ober with. De peo
pie have got DER eyes open at last, and
deir am new deal on hand. DE
states prisons am either gwine to be
come popular resorts or we have got
TO go back to de good old ways, Dis
Limekiln club has cleaned house and
done Its dooty. Let de rest of de ken
try foller suit" NJ. QUAD.