davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-03

shoulder, read that Now is the time for
all good men to come to the aid Of the
party" sighed YEARLY. remarked, tx
cuse me: l wouldn't have bothered you II
story" and escaped before I could hit
him.
livery time [ see a piece of cuStard
Z pie I think of Mark Twain. and
every time i think of Mark Twain / am
reminded of Arthur Dunn. and every TIME
I am reminded of Arthur Dunn 1 cry ike
a child. Twas this way:
Last winter Mr.. Clemens. who was down
this way on business connected with the
hearings on the copyright BILL dropped
into the press gallery for a chat, and
soon had all the newspaper men who
weren't busy, and most Of those that
were, around him. BY careful manipula-
ton we managed to get him away from
all serious business subjects and started
in on some delightful rambling reminis-
cences And they were delightful. TOO.
being all about old armor and DlillardS
and foreign idiots and all such. We JUS,
fhuckled our heads off and 1t was fine.
Into the middle of this little party-this
happy, scrumptious. ideal little party
blew Arthur Dunn, who is such serious
person that once he went 10 Inc bureau
of chemistry to have his shadow analysed.
He started to say something. but some
BODY waved him to q chair. and ne SUD-
sided. For as much as five minutes Tie
listened to Mark Twain with a sort OF
puzzled, what-is-itall- about expression
on his face and just as We were all
laughing at some more than ordinarily
Twainesque "Reminiscences Mr.. Dunn broke
into the charmed circle, and, laying his
hand on Mr.. Clemens arm. said. Now.
Mr. Twain. will you please give US some
points about the copyright bill?'
There are about seventeen men who
wouldn't speak to Dunn for a long time
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-03

above a town the megaphone was to be
turned loose and 1t would shout in n loud
yet solemn tone, Vote for Taft-it Is my
will This would cause folks to run forth
from their houses to find out where the
strange aerial voice came from. They
wouldn't of course, be able to see any
thing, darkness screening the airship from
view and OF course. they'd instantly
reach the conclusion that the voice call
ing for Taft votes must be supernatural
and-Oh, well, you know the rest. The
GU rds at headquarters tried to spin it to
this bug that it would be just as easy. if
that plan were to be accepted, for the
man running the dirigible to do the holler-
ing, instead of taking megaphone up in
the air. but they only said this in order to
gain time while they crcled around and
got back of him SO that they could give
him the knee toward the lift
a quaint bug from over in Jersey
showed up at headquarters with a large,
hoarse parrot perchinG on his shoulder
AS soon as the man with the parrot got
inside the first hall he staked the parrot
to the tip and the green buZzard began to
shrek at the top of its voice, "Oh you
kiddo. Taft and "Oh you old hawss.
Tafty! and stuff like that until the at
PENDANTS ran bowling out of ear range.
Guess that's poor hey?' chirped the
Jerseyite when some of them came back.
the bird meantime having been sauelched.
Rotten, huh? Wouldn't make Il single,
solitary vote, hey. to have me go all over
the country. from Maine. to California.
with this bird perched on my shoulder "a
hollering like you heard him."
He offered to start of with the bird and
help elect Taft for $40 a day and his ex-
penses. and they sure had a hard time
getting him and his conversational bird
out of there.
Another man filtered in with a dog The
dog had been trained to jump into the
air and bark like the very old dickens
whenever his master said Taft" to him,
but when his boss mentioned the name of
Bryan, why, the mutt 'ud just roll over
on his back and play dead just as cute
as anything you ever saw in all your
born days mercy sakes and marshmal-
lows. and the proprietor CT the ki-yoodle
wanted ten metallic men per diem and
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-03

man who for many years was business
manager for prestidigtateur of note
who died some time ago.
The natural inference to be drawn
from such remarks, of course, was that
the magician would not hesitate to avail
himself of his remarkable dizziness with
the cards 10 shred folks with whom he
happened to sit into a game. That being
rhe implication, il often got us a bit on
the raw when We overheard such re-
marks.
In the first place. VIC knew ouc mans
integrity was beyond all question. More
important in this connection, however, he
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-03

lonx-range exchange between the Presi-
dent and the democratic presidential can
didate is going TO prove of doubtful value
as republican asset. Some of them
even go so far to say that twill help
Bryan, if nything-Bryan being the can
didate OF his party, needing advertise
ment and getting it. while Roosevelt can
impart only a prOblematical proportion
of the benefit of his typewriter tabasco
to the republican candidate. Judge Taft.
These same men seem to feel that If the
President insists on remaining In the row
up to his ears until November that lie
should get out. on the stump where he
could pound into his audiences the things
he has said in his replies to Bryan more
effectively than by shooting it into them
by letter.
AS a side light on the situation. it isn't
well to forget that some of the headliners
in the management of both campaigns
are smelling mighty oily these days and
may have to take to the wOodS-where Gen.
Apathy preceded them quite some days
aeo-to remain until after 1t is all over.
And in the background, but not very far
i'm the background at that, stands Will
liam r Hearst. loaded to the necktie
with letters and sensations and scandals
and political dynamite.
Suppose we in Washington. which is
sort of neutral ground. in a political sense.
take a long breath and settle back in our
arnlchairs to wait for the next skyrocket
to go up-and the stick to come down
:: K
OMETHING got the matter with this
- typewriter minute or two ago. and.
after fixing it, or trying to, | ratified Off
that inevitable test sentence, Now is the
time for all good men to come to the aid
of the party just to see how the ma
chine worked. / had written it two or
three times when George Brown blew
in to tell me that there had been terri
bl. storm last night and that the hydro
graphic office reported wrecks all along
the coast Then he glanced over my
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-03

Gliding the odds Of 1000 TO l, goes :oi
them, too. -.
The usual father OF the infant prodigy II
turning up in numbers. too one OF W.
showed UP last week with a sevenLse "a, ~
younester who had little spoon All 10
thearsed-
The spooch of course, was all kinds or
boost for the republican ticket, and th'
dad of the kidlet ms sted upon stahdl't
the Young uu up on a cndir ana litNi'i
the tyke pull the spooch upon 'he -
oh. SO tired. gang of headquarters watch
orc The kids voice sounded like a cross
between A barking motorcycle with bun
carburetor and "A bisque dolls. ana I'M
spooch was longer than Nillfui fahss
dream But the attendants were TOO
weary after a hard day hotfooting Dug
and grafters, To run away. and SO incl
sat and listened while the young IN ulr
coiled that awful drivel. and the ddt
grinned and grinned, and nnallN wnet
the prodigys effort was over. the dad or
fered to permit the boy 10 be put on tn
MIA form at the uniform rate of So PEE
day. with. of course, expenses additional.
The people who guard the chairman arr
sadly Worried. too. by the lunches q
suffragettes who periodically drop in an'
demand that the chairman make Mr.
Taft nut himself squarely on record witt
regard to what he thinks doesn't thinl
or thinks he thinks with respect TO vote
for women The stan OF guards tries q
tell these women that Mr.. Taft reall!
might decline to listen to any make q
this kind tossed at him by the chairmai
of the republican national committee bu
the women call that crawfishing ant
backcra wiling. and all like that. and the!
shake dada in real angry manner q
the tanners nd try 10 get something defi
rite They don't get IT, of course, am
they come away from there breathing fir
and birthstone and threatening to maxi
the grand old ticker look like a breai
la bel at the polls.
There's some ''exclusiveness' at repuh
lcan headquarters this year sure enough
and Mr.. Hitchcock is kind O. hard to see
but if you could take one hours peck a
the bunch who batter at those doors yoi
wouldn't have II in you TO blame him.
CLARENCE l.. CULLEN.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-03

It is. in addition, something wholly aside
from the beaten path.
1.-The duel scene in the second act-oh.
yes, have the center of the stage in that
scene, averSe as I am to situations which
require me to get under the spotlight
the duel scene, l say, is simply capti-
waiting in it's utter exploitation Of the
spirit of reckless bravery on the part of
those figuring in 1t.
Il trust it is not necessary for me to
remind you that it Is a rare thing for me
to predict even the most moderate sue
cess for any new play which 1 produce
But the enchanting grace, sparkle and
jeweled richness of the lines of this piece.
together with the unbroken velocity of
the action. tempt me to hope may, to
believe) that it will very quickly find
its way"
Kind O. nice and piffiy, that. Ell?
Yas'm, it honest is. Very flowsOme,
agreeable. sylabubbish. and all like that.
However this present writer. as above
related. just happened to be standing by
when the actual interview was unspooled
by the author.
And the actual deliverance of the actor
pairsOn was precisely as followeth:
well. 1 guess they'll can me off Broad
way after I flash this one on 'em. what?
will it be knockout? VIII it be a
riot?
Say, will the sun come up tomorrow
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-03
DIFFERENT THE PRINTED AND THE ACTUAL TALK g.

amphorae-get that? over your head.
hey? amphorae. tear jars, y'know- we're
thinking Of furnishing tear jars for all
hands, SOS they won't mess up the car
pet under the seats with the weep stuff
that's just how poor those lines are, ye-eh.
And say. pal, it moves! Everybody in
the piece is the hiking kid!
None o that 'rooted-to-the-spot gag
You can have those stand-still- and
think-it-over plays If you want 'em. Every
mile in this thing is slapped down in forty
fat, with stake weight up. On they come
off they go. Yee-Ow!
Say for action it makes 'Humpty
Dumpty' look like the wax works.
And ye-eh, the duel scene that'll make
'em all stand up on their seats at the
windup Of the second act. Oh. that's rot
ten. Putrid! 1t sure is! I'm ashamed
of it,
Its orful! Punk! Wretched! Puff
fecly mizZable! 1t won't do at all. 1t
emits a fetid odor, Ye-eh!
Say, dye know what the manage
ment's going to do? Well. the manage
ment is going to fix it up with one Of the
leading hospitals to have about fourteen
ambulances backed up to the curb i'll
front of the theater about the time that
duel scene is pulled off. SOS to take care
of the people that'll go into Mysteries over
it long before the curtain drops on the
scene.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-03

magnificence of his proposition. which
he said would he especially strong in It's
appeal to the farmers, but the doorman
let him rave and made no reply.
The campaign singers besiegc the
headquarters like herd of burlesquc
girls battering at the agencies after the
summer vacation. Some of en- fetcl.
along campaign songs which they them
selves have composed, and these insist
upon singing their songs right there,
you know, whether the guards at the
doors like II or not. The songs are of
the final degree Of imbecility, and the
topical ditties. No campaign singers Of
any kind are being employed this year
and word to that effect has been printed
far and wide, but that doesn't make any
difference to the singists. They don't
read the papers. anyhow. One freak
showed up the other day who claimed to
be able to sing soprano and basso alter
nateIy. and he was beginning to make
good his claim when couple of the
doormen. tortured beyond endurance,
gave him the dogtrOt to the elevator
Another of "em had a thing which he
called 1.-THE Dirge of the Democratic
Party which he desired to sing for the
delectation of Mr.. Hitchcock. They
however. and they weren't SO blamed
confident. either. any of them, that the
time has yet arrived for the uncoiling OF
the dirge of the democracy. This seems
to be pretty good place to stick in the
little observation. by the way. that the
folks around republican headquarters are
none too sure that it's going to be a
walkover for their candidate. In the old
years. no matter how even the thing
looked you'd never get anything but the
cocksurest predictions of victory at re-
publican national headquarters. but
they're leaving loopholes for themselves
this year Their forecastings are tenn
pered by Ifs and butts and they
can't be got on record with any of that
claim everything stuff.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-03

wait f'r him replied boy who. being
already in possession Of a job in the de-
livery department. was naturally naughty
in his sense OF secure superiority over the
hoverers at the gates. The hauteur Of the
boy who already has job nailed down
in his attitude toward the boy who is
hunting for a job is one of those things
that maybe you've noticed.
The half dozen kids thus herdeJ out
side the door to await the leisure Of the
delivery clerk were about thirteen or
fourteen years old, on an average. A cou-
pie of them were sure-enOugh neat-look-
ing boys in knickerbockers, with clean
collars and other exterior evidences that
they had been sent forth by fond and
hopeful mothers to make a hit for them
selves at that jOb-hunting thing.
These two neat-lOoking boys, while they
viewed each other with obvious disfavor,
yet were as one in holding aloOf from the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-03

sand ante-offices of the headquarters AT all
hours of the day. They're d seedy and Il
sepulchral-voiced gang, and they're hard
to fan. too good many of them IN
sist upon stalking the guards TO samples
OF their spellbinding ability, and one Of
them. Il week or so ago, began to spiel
''Curfew Shall Not Ring Tonight as
evidence that he was there with the
pipes" The guards stuck their fingers
in their ears and fled. The Would-be
campaign spelibinderS beat 1t in a hurry
when their offers to spiel for the cause
are accepted out of hand on condition
that they are not TO be paid anything for
their Grating services and that they pay
their own expenses.
One ingenious cUss. a huge fatty who
did not look unlike Mr. Taft except that
he had rum beak that could be seen
half a block away through miStral. had
a cunnin little idea for himself which he
desired to unload upon Hitchcock.
When he read the other day that Mr..
Taft voice was giving out on him, he
beat it to republican headquarters for
the purpose of offering his services as Mr.
Taft's double or doppelganger His idea
was that he could travel along on Mr..
Taft touring train get himself logged
out just like the republican candidate,
and when Mr.. Taft's voice was to the
bad he'd just step out on the platform
and take the latters place. and nobody
nd know the difference, and, oh, wouldn't
1t be lovely, fellers: He said that he
made this proposition solely because OF
his good will toward the grand old party.
and he wouldn't ask a cent more than his
expenses as Mr.. Taft's travelling mate
and double, and maybe. in the event of
victory. some trifling little bonus like a
couple of thousand dollars or something.
He hasn't seen Mr.. Hitchcock yet. and
the writer hereof. while not gambling
person. Is here for the purpose OF laying
LOGO to 1 In tin tags or frjoles or most
anything else that he won't see MIR. Hitch
cock.
Another bug with an aerial proposition
lowered around for long while before
they could get him on his way: His idea
was to take megaphone up in a dirigibe
balloon in the middle of the night. When
the dirigible reached certain altitude
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-03

national ticket, started out on what was
intended to be an effective whirlwind of a
speechmaking tour The whirl and the
wind have both been apparent, but the
effectiveness feature sort Of slipped a
cog. In the opinion of some able and
practical politicians, with whom I have
talked. Judge Taft, during the Theodore
William controversy. might just as we'll
have been playing golf or twiddling his
thumbs as trying to elucidate the burn
ing issues midst all the din.
Even we'll played mouth organ doesn't
make much of hit when a ninety-man
orchestra is tearing the inside works out
of one of Wagner's thunder and lightning
soul-stirrers. a southern lullaby hasn't
much show when sung inside of boiler
factory, running full time.
And SO. when the republican managers
pick up the papers of mornings and of
afternoons and see, featured and slapped
and splashed all over the front pages and
breaking merrily over into the realm of
classified ads and bargain announcements.
''Roosevelts Umsteenth Reply to Bryan"
or 'Rryan's Umsteenth Reply to Roose
Welt and down in the corner, slowed
away between a reading notice and a free
soap ad. line or two indicating that
Judge Taft also ran, they weep with ap
prehension and with rage.
IF Roosevelt were only running" they
sob. "'twould be all right and very fine.
But he isn't. We opine that the republic
can presidential candidate on the national
ticket is a man named Taft
And then they weep some more.
The republican managers may talk all
they want about the ''annihilatiOn' of
Mr.. Bryan. 1t sounds fine even when he
refuses to stay dead. But most of them
are coming around to the belief that this
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-03

respect to the frequent utterances or
President Roosevelt in his long-range en-
gagement with William jennings Bryan
When the Presidents first blast shat
tered the comparative quiet in this vi
cinty. they We're tickled-most Of them
were, at least. They spoke of the com
plete annihilation' of Bryan and OF the
certainty of the election of Taft. They
were gleeful and they weren't backward
about showing it,
The only thing that interfered with
this juhilation and their program was
the thouehtless Obstinacy with which the
Peerless Leader came to life. He didn't
seem TO appreciate the fact that he had
heen annhilated Apparently he didn't
have even so much as a bump on his de-
voted head to show where the Roosevelt
war club had landed. He was up and
doing every minute.
Since then the attitude OF the republican
managers apparently las changed. Ihey
are saying Hush, little one, to the
President every other minute now, but
up to date little one" has declined to be
hushed. He and the Peerless have the
center of the stage and they seem TO
have no intention OF quitting their two
up down. duel and hurrying out of
the spotlight.
1t is very apparent why the republican
campaign managers are aVerse to the
President featuring himself as the star
attraction in this national vaudeville
show. Just before the Roosevelt Bryan
hostilities reached their present molten
state. Judge Taft, who, I might mention
for the informative benefit of the folks
who during the excitement may have
overlooked or forgotten the fact. is the
candidate for President on the republican
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-03

expenses for taking this dog around to
the county fairs and Things and copr ing
ont agricultural votes by his little dog
gle method. They gave him the de-
ceased porpoise eye, of course. when he
pulled that. but he wouldn't be tagged.
and he hung around for hours waiting for
Hitchcock. who had emerged from his
private exit and started for Chicago ten
minutes after the arrival of the dog man.
THE usual number OF bummerino VEN
/ triloquists most of them boys wno've
learned their ventriloquism out of ten
cent books that teach that engaging art
while you wait. have turned up at repub-
lican headquarters with plans and specifi-
cations for vote-getting. One Of 'em. you
know. wanted to be sent around the coun-
try in an automobile SO constructed that
he could manipulate his talking midgets
without being seen himself and he told
'em at headquarters that it wouldn't cost
more than three or four thousand dollars
to have almost any good model of auto
mobile fixed up SO that he could pull this
stunt. a mere bagatelle. he added, con-
siderng that he himself. out Of his love
for the party, would be willing to con-
tribute his ventriloquis;ic services for the
purely nominal sum of $50 "a day and eN-
penses.
The anti-fat folks are making all kinds
of swoops upon the headquarters staff.
too. They seem to have the idea that Mr..
Taft is brooding jes' drefful over his
weight. and they are besieging the offices
for the purpose of having Hitchcock
make" Mr.. Taft adopt their anti-obese
dopes. They're purely disinterested In
their motives, as a matter of course. All
they desire. y'know, is that Hitchcock
give them a little letter. setting forth that
the republican candidate is taking Knock
Phat's remedy for obesity and they'll do
the rest. But the anti-fatskies haven II
got the ear Of the chairman yet. and the
wager made above that they won't, in
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-03

the most aggressive partisan that ever
stepped in shoe leather. But just how
true that prediction would become l dld
not myself realize at the time.
But isn't it hot enough now? Isn't II.
Could the scrappiest. the most brutal, the
most remorseless ward heeer in eighteen
townships wish for more? III answer
that myself and with a large, emphatic
No,
When I read. day after day. the most
recent You-did and I-didnt and 1oure-a-
liar and So-are-you literature in the news
papers ! have great longing to take an
imagination aeroplane and soar above
the Dust clouds and the powder smoke,
away from this asitated old earth ana
out of danger from the high-powered ver-
bal explosive shells. the accuSatory
shrapnel the denunciatory grape. the pro-
fame canister. the libclouS solid shot and
the other varieties of campaign proJec-
tiles of all kinds that now clutter up the
air. l would like To get an all-embrac-
ing bird s-eye view of the whole country
and l know it would be interesting.
One of the most interesting features OF
the recent excitement is the attitude of
the republican campaign managers with
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-03

other four boys. whom they quite out
cIassed in external makeup.
Two of the other four. in fact. were
pretty rough-lookng tykes, wearing caps
that bore large advertising letters above
the visor thereof. and smoking fragmen-
tary butts of cigarettes.
The fifth was an overgrown lummoX OF
a boy whose mouth indicated that he
was addicted to the mastication OF to-
bacco despite his overgrowth.
These five, it was quite apparent, had
no suspicion that the sixth boy figured in
the betting at all. so to speak. This sixth
one was all boy. His suit looked as If
he'd got a heap Of service out Of 1t. but
il was brushed. There weren't any soles
or heels to his shoes worth mentioning.
but the shoes had been shined with stove
polish or something. 50 that they at least
looked as If the boy had essayed a bluff
at getting them to look as decently as
they could be made to look with the IA
cilities at hand. A haircut wouldn't have
detracted any from this boys looks, but