New-York tribune., 1908-05-08
ILLINOISANS AT PLAY
CANDIDATES ON GRILL.
'fPresidential Possibilities EnhUeH
SOciety's Dinner.


Astoria last night. That Is. he there IN effsy
Also he elected by rising vote And IN these
parIous days OF the affair was balanced and
adjusted TO ft-or rather not 10 ohend-ths most
enthusiastic boomer Of them all
By vav OF explanation. these great doings were
part Of the grill convention OF the Illinois
Society. This departure from the usual ritas
Of dining vining and speaking Also II was mod
eIled after the rites club Of writer's IN Wash
nrton who arneiorate the hardships OF exile IN ne
provinces by Iambasting those who make news
The nucleus Of the affair called presidential
Possibilities: Satirfcal. FarcicaI Episode with
Apologies to the Eminent Men Concerned by
Herbert Hall Winsow The programme gave II 70 oe
understood that the characters began Win MI
Carnegie and ran through the list OF men whose
names figure in headlines and AT the beginning
of columns introduced by such words as he spoke
follows"
That was all the 80 guests knew when they
came into the ballroom. to find il decorated Ike
convention hail. with pacards attached 10 pores
over the tables. These banners. although they
bore simply numbers instead Of the names OF sa'es
carried out the convention idea
After everybody had been seated and had been
surprised by the Merry Widow apologies 70
Henry ". Savage waltz from the orchestra the
ceremonies opened by brief speecles oy
Charles E Hall and EIbert H. Gary. president of
the society. Then the curtains parted to show
Andrew Carnegie standing behind dinner 'aOis
with Booker T. Washington as his butter Ihe
pair were in earnest conversation. and the facts
the regrets" Of his The dinner was ready
and he wanted somebody 20 eat IL He ordered
Booker 70 go out into the street and invite the
passers-by Booker retired and IN a mo
ment reappeared. saying: I've sot EN- can
say how good they but they look respectable
they're Presidential Possibilities"
"A large. open-faced man. who won't come n
until = gets three cheers was the way Booker
introduced Uncle Joe Cannon Sure enough. Ne
entered white chin whiskers. up-ti4ted> cigar and
re rozd
the table and raped with the gavel after having
shaken hands with Mr.. Carnegie The host oy The
bye. wore kits with his tuxedo
The orchestra struck up Coon. Coon. Coon" and
Senator Foraker rushed in ignored Carnegie and
shook hands with Booker the butler.
, Was my speech on the Brownsville AFFAIR read
10 the graduating class At Tuskegee2 vas his first
question. Assured by Booker that Il was. For
aker" took his seat next 70 Cannon
The national anthem Of Sweden announced Gov
ernor John A. Johnson who came IN carrying
big vaIise, laDeIle~ The Swedish Vote and an ac-
cent that didn't straight
Then arose. 7 Won't Go Home Til Morning
from the orchestra boom for the dairy by
products and 'vice-President Fairbanks" He was
hardly in his seat when Booker stepped behind
him and presented a full pint cocktail That's an
insult" said -'Fat-banks' but Booker" corrected
him with. NO sir; its Manhattan
Just az this moment the orchestra struck up =
fearful discord there were wild yeIIs Of Copy
Catch the edition Fake IL, Get busy Then
from the flies burst William Randolph Hearst
dressed in nk-srneared white overrans and carry
ing bundle of his famous Il o'clock pink edition
that cheers the r1iIkrnan on hts route
Latest edition Of day-afrer-to- -morrovs paper
yelled Hearst"
When Governor Hughes burst forth with his
hands stuck in his pistol pockets and his tight
fitting frock coat flying behind. he yelled through
his portiere vhiskers: What's that about TWO
milk wagons racing on Fifth avenue? WHAT'S THAR
Call special session Of the Legislature, and don't
send Grady invitation
The torto-n motif Of ''Tan1rnany' announced
the coming OF william Jennings Bryan who was
reproduced almost 70 the life by Charles KENNEDY
NY friends began M Bryan I thank you
am the great harmonizer- But what's the matter
with that spot light This last addressed 70
the gallery and after the spot light had played on
the peeress guest he took hts place al the table
With a boom and 4 thud Of what might have
heAr wagnerian music. but which nobody about
the press able recognized there paraded into view
Secretary Taft" He was none other tHat DOC
Ca-ror halJvhoo in DreamIand last summer
..r2o,.,. voice was al its strongest having been
--sT1 trained all winter and he shouted 7 have
secret: 7 have fft-seven more votes pledged tHan
there will be in the convention
Mr. Taft" OF course broke a chair. and when
r.. sat down and while ne recovering. the
strains Of Hail 70 the Chief sounded
To this entered Mr. Roosevelt carrying a big
s-eed club and smiling like dentifrice advertise
nant After his first delighted ne shooK naIiQs
-V+-H
Hello. shouted Roosevelt" jumping 20 the
-a1erroDe Yes. hello. King Certainly len make
. good Prime Minister AL right Gootlby-
To another message that came IN while he was
e-ae-ing "Air Carnegie he advised putting a Dr.
Done in command Of the feet while the admiral
was sick and then again TO mother Of thirty
seven children he said he vas not only delighted.
but he would permit her 70 name them all after
himself
After the guests were all seated, Hearst Jumped
on the table. waved his armful Of papers and
asked My free-ands what would happen II all of
his .uinetv-seven million readers voted for him
..arr. Bryan butted in, and there was general
talkfest until Mr.. Carnegie" asked them 70 oe
oret while the dark horse came in This gentle
man masked and riding a hobby. rushed around
the room and disappeared The guests then sang
- Id Lang Syne."
To show that there was partisan feeling, the
speeches after this szit "knocked'' all the cant-
dates and by standing vote the dark horse
was elected President