The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1908-12-24
= + y . 4 y y
YAPAHOOTEE.
An Indian Legend Told by the
Spirit Of Minnehawhaw.

spired by a spirit at least of parody
the Florida Times Union, one Of the
most intensely democratic paper oI
the South, delivers itself of the follow
ing-er-poem:
Should YOU ask me. who Is Yappy
Yappy, Yappy, Yap-a-hoo-tee,
Yap-a-hoot-a-hootcc.
1 should answer thusly, lobster;
Hap-a-hootee means, ia Siwash,
Talk-aheep, the Cabling gas-bag.
Heated Atmosphere concoctor,
Prize purvcyor % wind pudding.
on the shores Of Potomac.
Dwclls there IN the great white wig wan
(When he isn't dwelling elsewhere
or gone hunting something somew here;
When he isn't on the warpath,
Staying Oc-ti-pi and bobcats.
Tracking Har-Ii- mans and Hcn-hawks.
Busting Trusts and Molly-coddles.
SwAttinE Nature Takers ncrceIy,
Shooting with his hot-air- pop-guu,
Pintoc-rats ana other yrrmin.
Udesirable, predaccous
Citizens and Male-e-factors
And just raising hel-lin-gen-raD
In this wig-wam dwells "a Chicf-tain,
Wide Of grin. of teeth almighty,
In this tee pee roosts "A war-lord,
Given DER to much chin-music.
With "A tongue that's hitchcd amidships,
Waggling fore and aft AID sideways,
To the ~windward and the leeward,
Up and down and in and outward
Loaded to the muZzle is he
With high powered conversation,
With "a gift o. CAB most Cabling,
And when nothing else is doing.
Or the time hangs somewhat heavy,
AT half-cock he shoots his mouth off
(For alas, no notch called safety"
Makes him wait TIN aim is taken.
so II goes off prcmaturely
When he breathes on the hair-trigger),
Shoots at all his wondering tribemen.
Bids the married men get busy,
Bids the squaws produce papooses,
Bids us join in emulation
or the fecund. fertile rabbit.
Molly Cottontail, the bunny,
Then he clubs the corporations,
with his stuffed club. Billy-Bladder,
LaIns the lining out of credit,
Hands to Confidence a hot one.
Knocks the socks from fourteen billion
Tainted ducats and si-mol-eons,
Talking ever through his scalp-lock.
Handing out his gum In punches.
Scares to death most everybody.
Doesn't do n thing to business,
Jumps upon the Solar Plexus
or the golden ovum gosling.
TIL his crazed tribe, panic-stricken
stunned will, words and wind and gable,
Hides their store of shells and wampum,
Hide their yellow boys and greenbacks.
In their moccasins and stockings.
Once upon these shells and wampum,
Used by all the tribes for money.
Yap-a-hoote found "A motto
Telling OF a God to Trust In.
Yappy talked that motto silly.
Talked 1t deaf and dumb and batty.
TIL the words. by words anrighted.
Fade into the great Skiddooward,
Where liz nothingness forever.
Then he shrieked with war-hoop mighty
Trust In Me. oh men and maidens
Braves and squaws and all papooses.
Put your trust In Yapahoo-tee;
He's the hrst, last Hot To-ma-lee,
He's the only pure tin Goblet,
Here's your motto Trust In Yappy.'"
See him leaning on his clublet,
On his spear that knows no brother,
At his side his thrones successor,
Good old Gadabout, the Fat one.
Lo! The war-canoes make ready,
Tho there is no sign of combat,
But great Yapabootee wills 1t;
Knowing IL you want a rumpus.
You can rifle, some other 1njun,
BY n hip upon your shoulder,
BY a show of bow and arrow,
by a tomahawk and coup-stick.
And a ~scalping knife held ready,
What Is that. the thunder roaring?
Nay, tits only Yap-a-hoo-tee.
Just our zap soliloquizing.
In the highways and the hedges,
In the forests and the meadows,
In the wickiups and lodges,
Hearken to his windy mouthings,
About everything and nothing,
TIL somebody disagreeing.
With his wild and woody statements,
Wakes his wrath and loud he splutters,
Liar liar, liar, liar,
Ananias. Judas. Jael.
Frafl and foul prevaricator,
Falsehood maker and retailer,
Know that I alone am truthful,
Since the other perfect mortal,
Who was enamost my equal.
Chopped a tree with childish Ratchet,
And cried: Pepper. franklin done it,
Hear the song of Yap-a-hoo-tee,
sons OF battle and of buncombe.
Sons of cayuseless cowboy,
suffering with paranoia.
sOnce I was alone In Cuba
And I fought my way unhindered
Tn the bloodless Hill of Kettle,
To imaginary trenches.
And supositious foemen.
Facing fierce. fictitious ,shrapnel,
Through a hazy dream OF carnage,
Reached the top. where never Spaniard
Cooked a cannon or a Mauser
since this globe first started twiriing.
'sYet, I seemed to see q dago,
And I somehow seemed to shoot him
In the back as he was fleeing
From Ny dental exhibition;
And false, perjured,' ghoul-like Clarence
Guessed that he had shot another
Then I wandered in the twilight,
To San Juan and howled and hollered
And sent OF some press dispatches,
Next I blew my breath out strongly
while my tongue went wiggle-waggie,
while my goose quill writ round robbins
TIL the foe In Santiago
Crossed himself and said Hail Mary,