The Penn's Grove record., 1908-11-06
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Imprudent.
When mother boxes Mary's ears,
She stands in tears and blubbers;
Oh. foolish child, to stand in tears
Without a pair of rubbers.
-Harper's Magazine.
Periodicals..
'The dictionary describes an Atm
as a chemical attraction"
Most of them are."-Louisville
urier-Journal.
A Poor Advertiser.
II hear your daughter is engaged
a duke"
Yes; but he's a poor stick"
SOP"
Hasn't had the enterprise TO
ash a camera, as yet."-Washing-
/ Herald.
Going to Get 1t.
I'm sending my wife away for 2
But I saw her yesterday and che
'ked strong and we'll; it's you that
eds the rest"
Well, I'm sending her away, amt
Post.
In History Lesson.
Teacher-"Henry, what caused tbs
vnfall of the Roman Empire?"
Henry-"Don't know, mum, Mess
gave a wrong decision in the mint
in's, where de score wuz a tie, wild
ee men on bases an two strikes on
batter"
Meaning Her?
Mrs. Brown-"Is your husbands
growing?"
Mrs. Smith-"Ohi dear, yes. Why,
t week his receipts were so large
It he had to have a receiver ap-
nted to take care of them."-
Leader.
Shakespeare's Foresight.
Shakespeare wrote for all time"
For instance?"
Take his expression: IT'S not so
ep as a well, nor SO wide as a barn
Or, yet twill serve How well that
a 1908 spring hati"-Louis-
lie Courier-Journal.
The Business Instinct.
Guide Showing places of historic
crest in England)-~It was in this
I'M that Wellington received his
st commission. Yes, sir, it is a
It."
American Drummer-@What per-
ltage of commission did he get?r-
icago Journal.
Punks There.
Dumley-"Say, W y
ng about golf?"
much. Why?"
Dumley-"What's a bunker do
i know"
Pepprey Il suppose it's n of
ose cranks that simply live on The
ks. "-Philadelphia Press.
Not in Real Life.
81 guess you've learned some
ngs," opined the farmer.
Yes" admitted the actor, who had
ed out, Il supposed that life on
: farm consisted of vocal selections
Act l., eating a meal in Act II.
winding up with a country dance
Act III. "-Pittsburg Post.
Of Course.
THEY say there will be no blondes
600 years"
why not?"
Because the blonde type is revert
to the brunette"
Well, don't you suppose some OF
I'M b~runettes will get tired and re-
t back?'-Kansas City Journal.
Out of Order.
Miss Alla1one, the ~self-reliant
nster. had been doing her own
rketing iii an automobile.
'Loidy," said the dirty faced news
Y, trying to squeeze the egg plant
It was hanging over the side, yer
lawker's cut O. order. 1t won't
nk."-Chicago Tribune.
Useless.
Gateman Cat the musical comedy
Don't you want to come back?"
Castleton-"No."
Gateman -" well, take this pass
eek, anyway. Yon can hand it to
ne chap On the outside"
.astleton My dear fellow, I
vent an enemy in the world
'e.
Pleasant For the lender.
''There," said Dudley, adding up
) column of figures, "a total CT
50; I guess that's all oh. no.
$50 I forgot. Gee, I wish
melody would lend me $3.50. Can
Il DO it, old MANI"
"What for?" demanded Markley.
why. I want to get out Of debt"
Philadelphia Press.
Money is a Cursc.
"My curse upon you, u~ngrateFul
y"
We'll, now, governor" replied the
"going to leave me yout
'ney, after all? That's mighty good
YOU"
Of course, this iocular view of the
litter resulted in reeonciliaticn.-
Iiladelphia Ledger.
Pats Master Lie.
Come, row, Pat said a Cockre,
urist to an irish peasant, whom he
d encountered in Connemara. III