The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1908-07-23

YOUNG MAN WITH LoP SHOULDERS AND
PAIR OF bow LEGS.
what has become Of him. IL any of
the cowboys around here hung him
for horse stealing. forward particulars
Just the same. 1t will ease the fathers
mind to know that his son was not
drowned In some river or smothered
In a snowdrift
Numerous subscribers are writing us
to ask what candidate we propose to
support at the coming presidential
election. AS postmaster of Giveadam
Gulch we wish to hold our job, and
we shall be in no hurry to come out
and swing our hat. Bread and butter
first, patriotism next.
Colonel John Sloat Of Big X ranch
called on us the other day and insisted
that the Kicker pick fuss with ia
pan. Because we refused to do 1t he
stopped his paper and went away mad.
We have had to gently shoot the colo
mel three different times In the last
four years to keep him in the harness,
and it looks as If we should have to
bore him again.
The Hellso Opera House closed Its
season last Saturday night with "Un-
Gle Toms Cabin" 1t was q dramatic
close. The boys shot out all the lights,
three actors had their shoe heels shot
off. and the company started the next
morning to walk the distance to Flor
ence. We are a theatrical people at
the Gulch, but sometimes we grow
most too enthusiastic.
Some Of the papers In this territory
are making fun Of our presidential
boom and asking where 1t Is. Don't
sweat your collars. gentlemen. We
have started out to be president of the
United States, and though 1t may take
a little time we shall get there ip the
end II we don't catch the measles.
Walt for the dark horse.
Mr.. Buffalo johnson, who imagines
himself holy terror, was notified by
the vigilance committee last Sunday
evening to leave the Gulch within six
hours. He got out with FIVE and half
hours to spare, and the tracks he made
In going were FIVE feet apart When
It's up to a western man It's beautiful
to see him hustle.
One George Henderson Of Utah got
1t into his head that 1t was his duty to
remove us to another sphere, and on
Monday morning he called in at our
sanctum to do the little act After he
had fired five shots at us we took
hand In the game, and George is now
In the hospital and doctor is looking
for the bullet In his shoulder He an
ticipated an easy victory and crown
Of laurels and Is somewhat dlsappoint-
su at the outcome.
Jim Heliso, which Is us, does not
hold fourteen different elective and ap-
pointive offices, as some Of the papers
announce. We hold only seven, and
we don't know where on earth to scare
up another, Some newspaper men may
think II duty TO edit their papers
from the poorhouse. but we don't be-
long to the bunch. When we work for
the country at large We expect to get
our dollar a day and board and lodg-
ings.
The money stringency that struck
the country last fall has had no effect
whatever on Giveadam Gulch. There
was only a dollar or two in the town,
and that has been circulating from
hand to hand to give everybody fair
show. Another dollar Is expected next
month, and then we shall probably
have n real estate boom.
Mr.. Charles Harrison, n representa-
tive of waterworks system, returned
to Chicago yesterday after stay Of
four weeks in the town. He came to
see about putting in waterworks, but
as he saw only one gallon of water
used during his stay he became dis
couraged and went his way.
We had nothing against Mr.. Thomas
Weed, but when his wife gave birth.
day party and left us out In order to
administer a social snub we communi.
Gated with sheriff in Pennsylvania,
and Mr. Weed went back east last
week to finish the balance of his term
IN prison. We are not cantankerous
cuss, but we are the head of society
in this town. and any attempt to rub
1t in on us will witness the departure
of some well known citizen.
Mr.. George Bates of Lone Jack has
lost his third wife and has our con,
gratulations. She has eloped. like her
predecessors, and IL he doesn't over.
haul her he may count on being rid OF
her for good and all. If he takes a
fourth he ought to get one so lame IN
both legs that she can't skidoo. AS to
divorces and all that. George is not q
man to let them bother him.
In shooting at Jim Cummings the
other day an individual from Mon,
tana named Waterford killed valua
BILE broncho belonging to Silas VII
liams. The man is In jail. and even II
he pays the price Of the broncho the
jury will want to know by what right
Il critter like him is carrying a CUR