The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1908-03-27
Concerning Boys.
by MA RICO.

In his celebrated reply to Hayne
every man, woman and child. who has
arrived, At the age OF fifty years
knows something about boys. Scien'
lists, after much research. have clas.
sified them under the following heads
viz: the small boy. the boy too bie
for his pants, and the old boy"
In this world of sin and sorrow, the
small boy has a lively and exciting
time Of IL, and from all well-authen-
ticated accounts, they appear TO be
regular little savages.
For the concentrated essence OF
pure "cussedness, take a youngster
from eight TO thirteen years old, and
they are up to snuff generally, and
are not to be sneezed at. and whether
they are to blame or not, they get all
the credit. For who are they that
stone the frogs, trip up old women.
fill your boots with water, throw spit
balls at your head, scare the little
boys TO death. and friGhten the girls
out Of their five senses, tie tin kettles
to dogs tails, drown the kitten In the
well, and hang the old cat on the
sour apple tree? Who drive the geese
TO water. litter mp your floor with
! shavings, daub your best table-cloth
with paste adorn your front fence
with mud, hang up their clothes on
the middle of the kitchen floor, and
paint your old white horse "A la zebra? :?
Who are always raising Cain about
the house, waking up the baby, and
kicking up pandemonium wherever
they may be? Who is It that puts
bricks in the hat on the sidewalk
and cayenne pepper upon the school
room stove and plug up the pipe,
whenever they want a holiday, and
whistle when the teacher turns his
back? Who are always first in mis-
chief, first at the other end of their
class, and the first 10 stay after
school? Who are always breaking
their necks, cutting off their fingers
with the hay-cutter, jumping into
bramble-bushe and scratching ont
their eyes, and tumbling over their
own shadows? And finally, who are
they that go to college and get into
all kinds Of scrapes. while the girls
stay at home and attend to their do
nestle duties? Answer-the boys.
1t is also as true as preaching that
as class boys are the best-abused
animal that walks the mule not ex-
cepted. For who is it that crawls out
of his warm bed at o'clock on a
frosty morning. feeds the critters,
splits the kindling wood, builds all
the fires, brings all the water, and
gets cuffed around until he doesn't
know which end he is standing on?
Who wears his fathers old clothes,
slouches along in boots a mile too
big for him. and is told forty times a
day that he does not earn his salt?
Who does all the chores, is always
in the way when his sister has a beau.
and doesn't know beans when the bag
is open? That boy.
BOYS have figured much in history
and everywhere else, except upon the
blackboard, which they have left for
the girls TO monopolize. while they
play MARBLES. or wind the nevertend-
ing string around pegtops which
never spin, while they have a terrible
headache at 9 O'Clock, and dig worms
the rest Of the day, while they play
hockey" and go in swimming. or
swap jackknives, and otherwise inn
prove their minds.
Although they can tell you who
won the last bicycle contest. or prize
fight, and which is the champion
baseball club. and when the next
great agricultural horse trot comes
off, still they cannot ALWAYS repeat
the Declarton of independence back
pumpkins look like watermelons in
the dark.
History tells us that Simple Simon
and Peter Piper were both boys.
1t was a boy that stood upon the
burning deck.
Nobody but n boy would have
wadcd through snow and ice to lug
a banner with the strange device
Excelsior, up mountain when
the probabilities were that it would
rain.
And wasn't b. Franklin boy once.
and didn't he fly his kite the whole
fourteen skeins. and catch thunder.
and have not most Of the boys been
catching il ever since?
Adam was also of the masculine
gender, but as he never was a boy. his
education had been much neglected
and. besides, he did not know much
about girls.
Without the boys. history would be
dull reading. for there would be no
Jack and the Bean Stalk, no Dick
Wilmington aud his wonderful cat.
and no bad little boys With which TO
point a moral or adorn tale.
BOYS are useful in their sphere.
which. like woman's. is somewhat
limited.
Although all well-brought up girls
think that boys are perfectly hor-
rid" still they are not SLOW to en-
brace the opportunity il is hoy