The Washington herald., 1908-02-02

home till l came back. Here it is past Y
o'clock. and I've been sitting here for an
hour waiting for you to unbutton the
back of my waist. You know very we'll
that / can't reach it myself without
spraining my wrist What, Why do l
wear such waists? Wen, my dear, you
wouldn't have me wear waists that We're
nbuttoned down the back, would yOu2
And the dea of you going off and
leaving the children l told you little
Emily had a bad cold and ought TO have
been given her cough medicine every
hour, but of course you We're TOO selfish
10 think Of that What's that, You lost
the medicine spoon and went out 10 buy
another? AND what has Emily been do
ing in the meantime? Sleeping, She
hasn't stirred. Oh, well. then perhaps
it's all right was wondering II she
had swallowed the spoon, but if she
hasn't stirred she couldn't have could
she?
Did you read the Presidents latest
message / didn't, either / puzzled "a
long time about whether TO read that
or the speech by Gov. Hughes, and I
finally compromised on reading the
fashion page; it was much more inter
esting Mrs. Braden at the party to
night ss-id that il seemed d pity that the
President couldn't let Gov. Hughes have
the center Of the stage TO himself just
once. but as / look AT IL, I think that If
Mr.. Roosevelt wants third term it's
his bOunden duty to point out 10 the
country how II is that We can't get
along without him. I reilly believe that
be thinks that nobody but himself is
able 20 talk about the 'malefactors of
great wealth. For the life Of me, 1
can't see what all the Republican candl-
dates are going 10 talk about They all
seem to be agreed on the main points
they all want tariff revision something
done with the Philippines. Cuba freed.
civii-service reform; they want and they
don't want imperialism. just as the
voters require and for that matter. IL
seems TO me That most Of them are tax
ing their stand on Mr.. Bryan's platform
Of four years ago. OF course. that
leaves Mr. Bryan out in the cold no
matter who wins but I guess he can get
along with the Chautauquas-that is. if
the Congress does not pass a bin pre-
venting political candidates from taking
Chautauqua dates 1t might be a good
thing TO decide 5.-zt no man who ever
lectured before a Chautauqua society
was eligible for the Presidency That
would shut out TilIman anyhow, and
/ these lecturers ought to be punished
! somehow. don't YOU think 500
did you read, job, about where a
school teacher went mad out in Idaho.
and there was q panic among the pu-
I pills? Wasn't It dreadful? I'll bet IL was
/ "a man teacher, there's no amount Of
schooling can make d woman lose her
/ head. I see where a lady out West
/ swallowed ia needles ana then she died.
/ Il was the last one killed her, they say.
/ She died Of excess of modesty, the doc
/ tors say-she couldn't bear TO have all
/ those eyes inside of her. Some women
! are so modest, DO sou remember Louise
/ Jane, who lived on the old Nelson place.
/ near h0me2 Jake Ribbons thought he'd
! do smart trick when he was sparkling
/ her. and he sent her pair Of blue gar
ters with nlckel-plated buckles. for a
/ birthday present. She preteuted not TO
/ know what they were for. and sent EN-
/ back with a note saying that those elias
/ tic dog collars were too small for her
dog and she was afraid they'd choke
/ him TO death. Jake thought that If they
were too small for the dog-he'd bought
/ 'em plenty blg-they indicated that she
/ was too big a girl for him. and ne called
/ the match of. The last I heard OF
Louisa was she'd married a soap ped
4. der and was singing comic songs in
tights at the back Of a spring wagon,
/ while he played the banjo.
OF see that the convention Of tailors
, that has been going on in Washington
/ has closed I wonder if the tailOTs from
! Tooley street were there. It's all very
well To laugh al tailors as statesmen,
/ hut III BET that there was as much COM
/ mon sense about their deliberations as
% whether they should or should not
! make trousers with ruffies this summer
| as there is in the debates about the Pan
| anna Canal. or The Audit System. By
the way. speaking about the G. 2. o.,
I what's become of the graft investiga-
tions IN Pennsylvania? I wonder did
/ they have an audit system over the
| building Of the Harrisburg capitol? II
/ seems TO me that some things are get
J ting into a pretty muddle in Washing
| ton. Here's The Audit System, costing
| as much as frst-class battle ship
| Commissioner West Is just getting
well from eating chicken salad, and
! if it hadn't been for the rain. the
pavements in front Of the government
/ buildings would all be covered with
! snow. and Yet the President hasn't said
a word. ] wonder if he forgets some
times that he's living in Washington
| We-hear a lot about the Big Stick I
wish he'd turn it loose in his home town
/ sometimes.
Il wish. Job. you'd have taken me to
hear that lecture the other day on
/ Where's the Old-fsshioned Father
Gone? I tell you I'd like TO know
what's come over the men. You. Tor IN
stance, are not a bit Ike the old-fash-
toned father. He used TO sit up at night
teaching the children how TO spell, and
instead Of that you stay down town all
night and leave me alone with them
and you know I can't spell ] had 10
write a letter 10 Aunt Jane yesterday
and I couldn't spell 'audaciOus'
spelt fl once 'swdacious, another time
awedasious and again 'awdaysci0us,
so was sure Of getting it right at least
| once.
NO, Job. there's no whisky in the
house. There was only a little left in
the bottle and 7 gave that to the man
that put in our coal this afternoon ne
looked so cold. 1t doesn't matter If
YOU have got the grip. I see where a