davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1908-12-16
Cashina Up.

"Have you ever played poker with
your son-in-law?"
"Only once" answered Mr.. Cumrox.
at wasn't very satisfactory"
Did ,he win?"
no; he lost. But it merely resulted
in my having TO write him a check so
that he could indarse ii oTcr TO me"
Washington Star
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1908-12-16
Just Suited Her.

"Please, ma'am, 1 haven't friend
or relative in the world" said the
tramp.
"Well, I'm glad there's no one to
worry over you in case you get hurt
Here, Tigerw said the housekeeper.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1908-12-16

Don't try to be mind reader. Think.
how uncomfortable it would be to,
know what people are thinking about
you.-Atchispn Globe. S
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05
Frying the Fat.

The republican bosses are making
preparations to obtain a big campaign
fund. The Goth congress at it's recent
session made everything easy for the
get in motion begin to fry the fat out
of the interests
In the first place, a republican house
and republican senate order their
committees to secure promptly the in
formation necessary for IAN intelli
gent revision of the Dingley robbel
tariff. This done, public notice is given
that no hearings will be had until af
ter the elections.
Then a republican house passes a
campaign publicity bill, with the Crum
packer provisions tied to its tail, which
it knew the senate would not pass this
session.
Lastly, special committee appointed
by Speaker Cannon to investigate the
paper trust finos evidence of the ex
istence of mOnopolistic combination
| of print paper manufacturers, but con
cludes that there is no reason why the
tariff on paper and wood pulp should
be removed at present.
The attention of gentlemen interest
ed in trusts sheltered by the tariff is
respectfully invited to the fact thai
while the republicans are talking OF
revising the Dingley rates some day
the republican national campaign com
mittee will need large sums of money
the next five months to defray expens
es. Political contributions will be pay
able under the usual conditions of Sc
crecy.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05
Huge Profits of the Tobacco Trust

Chicago Examiner: Next TO the
Standard Oil company it is likely that
the tobacco trust is the most /profita-
Die great combination doing business
III this country. 1t was revealed at
hearing in this city that the trust last
year declared a dividend of 22 per
cent and that $6,00O.000 was added to
the surplus fund. The stock of the
tobacco trust is held by less than 10
men, who sit idly around and draw
each from 100000 to 100000 every
year as their fee for permitting their
countrymen to enjoy their pipes.
Icigars and chewing leafs. These mag
mates have ruthlessly cut down prices
paid the grower, while, at the same
time, they have advanced the cost to
the consumer
Attorney General Bonaparte is pro-
ceeding against the trust in the United
States circuit court, seeking TO dis
solve the combination on the grounds
that it has constantly violated the i'll
| terstate commerce laws and that it
mendaciously seeks to restrain trade.
The testimony has been interesting
For instance, it was developed that
the trust has itself gone into the bust
ness of growing tobacco. 100000 acres
having been bought in the south and
now being titled by cheap labor.
| The corporation Indignantly denies
that it controls the entire tobacco out.
put of the country. 1t may not II
that be true, the reason that it doesn't
| is because, with all its wealth, il
hasn't money sufficient to buy all the
land adapted for the cultivation of the
| weed in the United States.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05
The Tariff Issue.

Outside of the intricacies of the
different schedules of the tariff, pur-
posely made obscure for voters to I'M
derstand, the question of high or low
tariff is the real fact at issue. That
plain issue every one can comprehend.
The present tariff was especially de-
signed to protect the trusts and manu-
facturers from foreign competition,
and the question of raising revenue
for the government was secondary
consideration. The republican politi-
clans when connecting the present tar
iff law to suit the trusts and protected
monopoiists, rashly discarded the pre-
sumption that foreign countries, when
they found the schedules so prohibit
tive that they could not profitably ex-
port their products to this country,
would retaliate by increasing their
rates of duties, so as to prohibit the
importation of American goods. For
eigners want our wheat and flour, our
corn and meat and tobacco, and other
products they do not raise themselves
or do not produce in sufficient quaint
ties to supply their own consumers
but they do not want our manufactured
goods to compete with their own like
products. Such countries as Germany
France, Austria, Russia, and, in fact
every country, but England, has raised
a higher tariff barrier to prevent com
petition from the United States. They
declare, If you will not trade with US
we will buy as little as possible of you
The trusts try to overcome their for
eign tariff barrier by selling at much
lower prices to the foreigners than tt
our own people. The European and
other foreign markets are loaded dowr
with bargain counter goods from tn,
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05
Wres.IiTfa With a Iieer.

Two brothers, Khuda Bakhs and
Shaikh Abdul CHAM of Moradabad.
were dispatched to Rampur on an err
rand, and while entering grove at
Khadpura, says the Indian Daily Tele,
graph, tiger sprang upon Kinda
Bakhs, who, being an athlete, warded
off the blow aimed at him with his
right hand and caught one of the
paws with the other and maintained
his hold, though the tiger was mauling
the other hand.
Abdul CHAM now rushed up with d
stout stick, which he forced down the
tigers throat, making it release his
brothers hand, when Khuda Bakhs
seized another paw with his wounded
hand, forcing both paws back. He
wrestled with the tiger, keeping il
/ down by sheer force, while Abdul
CHAM killed it with his lathi
The tiger was carried by the broth
ers to his highness the nawab of Ram
pur. .wl Kept the skin as memento
and sent Khuda Bakhs to the state
dispensary for treatment"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05

United States, while trust prices here
are still kept at the top notch.
Therefore the question the voters OF
the United States must decide at the
coming election, is whether they are
satisfied to pay high prices for much
they buy, or by reducing the tariff par
ticipate in the reduced prices that the
foreigners enjoy. That is a very sim
pie proposition to vote upon. Those
few voters who benefit by trust high
prices will, of course, vote to continue
the republican party in power. Those
who think the trusts should shift foi
themselves and be Subject to competi
tion that will force them to sell theil
products as cheaply as abroad will vote
the democratic ticket.
The republican national platform
will declare, as former ones have, fol-
"the principle of protection" and, al
though there may be promise to re
wise the tariff, there will be no direct
promise to revise it lower.
How can the protective principle be
perpetuated without continuing or ever
increasing the present rates? Dom
be fooled by promises unless specific
reductions are included.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05
Peculiarly of Snakes.

A snake tanner who had trained a
serpent to follow him around the
house and even out of doors happened
one day to take it with him to a
strange place. The snake, unused to
the locality, suddenly seemed to forget
ALI his training and. escaping into the
bushes, resisted capture with bites
and every indication of wildness.
When caught it at once resumed its
tame habits, This tendency to be-
come wild Immediately upon obtaining
their freedom and to again become
tame when caught is said to be pc
culiarity Of snakes.-New York Trib-
une.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05

home office reporting that the changes
had been made as directed. but Brad
ley personally took to the office of the
contracting company the Original bid
Two days later a long telegram ar
rived from the head Office demanding
the explanation of the changes to
which Bradley made reference. 1t was
Alice who wrote the telegram in reply,
explaining what those changes We're.
and who wrote the second message de-
claring it to be impossible to alter the
bid to the old figures. as they directed
by wire.
The next morning President Ham
mond stamped into the Office shortly
after Bradley had come in.
Il came out on the fast train to see
what it all MEANS" he, cried. You
have ruined the company by letting
yourself be fooled in this fashion"
For reply Bradley brought out the
letter he had received. 1t startled
Hammond. for beyond question it was
on the paper of the company and not
on cheap imitation. He sighed as he
laid it down.
Il suppose that you cannot be
| blamed" he said dlspiritedly. .'but It
means that the company is smashed by
a trick of the trust
| Not yet.a declared Bradley. with
/ laugh. Miss Fuller's quick eyes saw
| through the trick We took chance
and put in the original bid. think
you will find that we are the lowest
| bidders. for the trust felt safe in keep
ing up their bid"
IF we win. you can have the Lon
| don Office next month"; declared Ham,
| mond
Excuse me moment" said Bradley
as he slipped out to the outer Office
Its a co. he announced beamingly.
Miss Fuller says that she will come
as Mrs. Bradley"
Rather sudden?" asked Hammond.
Its sudden only in the recent real
ization that have loved her ever since
she came into the Office" explained
Bradley. 1T took this crisis to force
the fact nome"
Alice looked in at the doorway.
1.-The Wellington people telephone
that your estimate has won the con-
tract" she reported demurely, and to
her great embarrassment Bradley
kissed her under the approving eyes
of the president of the company.
We've tricked the tricky trust" he
cried. land we're going to London on
our honeymoon"
ION my yacht" added the president.
1--WE can't do too much for the girl
whose clever brain saved the company.
You're a lucky man, Bradley"
Don't l know itY' cried Bradley.
81 knew it first"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05

tract we lose our fight for an independ-
ent existence and shall have to sell out
to the trust at their own price. If we
get it, it will mean that we can beat
them and hold our own. Yet they
raise my figures"
and it would be worth q great eff
fort to beat u.s." went on Alice. Sup
pose that the trust people had some
one planted fl the horne Office who
could copy the figures and send them
to the trust officers. Suppose. too.
that they supplied the people with our
letter heads ard envelopes. We would
be unsuspicious and change the bid in
| accordance with instructions, only to
| find out that we had been duped after
| the bids had been opened and the con-
| tract awarded TO the trust. | think
You Will find that they have bid only
| slightly lower than this, but much
| higher than your original figures
That's possible" admitted Bradley
/ III wire the home Office and find out
And warn the traitor in the office
| that his plans have been discoveredT
| reminded Alice. ''They will then bid
below your figures and get the contract
anyway 1t would be best to hold or
and take chances by yourself. 1t will
] be the only way to hold the contract
IF | only could be sure exclaimed
Bradley. "But I can't act on mere
guesswork."
| '"rhis is something more than guess
| work." insisted Alice. ''In the first
| place, this letter is mailed from the
| Madison square station That is in the
building in which the trust has its
main office. Our letters all come from
the Wall street station, four or five
miles away and nearest our Office
They are using the same make o-
typewriter President Hammonds ste
nographer uses. but it is not the saE'f
machinc. On the letters from our Of
fee there Is a piece broken from tn
| cross of every IT,
II think you are right cried Brad
ley as he compared two letters. Wei
pop in the original estimate. and wheI
they come to open the bids out on
trust friends will have a dozen fits"
but answer this letter and say tina
| changes have been made in the bid II
accordance with instructions and tina
the bid has been submitted" directe'
Alice. "Then the traitor will not be
come alarmed and notify the trust t
put in the lower bid
you're the general" cried Bradle
admiringly. 81 am only the second il
command until this is Strengthened out
Do just as you please"
i That evening a letter went to tn
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05
THE MONITOR FLORIDA.
dimensions of Coast Defense vesse
That Wjthstood Fire of Bio Gun,

Dimensions of Coast Defense Vessel
That Withstood Fire Of Big Gun.
The monitor Florida. which was re-
Gently a target for the United States
navy's biggest gun and which emerged
triumphant from the firing TO test the
strength and resistance of eleven inch
steel armor. Is one of class of four
monitors built for coast defense work.
She was built at Elizabethport. n. j..
being completed In 1908 The cost of
her hull, machinery and armor was
S1,307,1 and added to this was an
expenditure of S211,O4S for armament
and equipment. She is 252 feet long
so feet beam; draft, 1871 feet; displace-
ment, 2.155 tons; 2.400 horsepower;
speed. II knots; coal capacity. 400 toHs
Her armor is eleven inches thick amid
ships, tapering to five inches at either
end. She has a protected deck of ar
NOR one and half inches in thickness.
The armor of the barbette and turret Is
eleven inches thick and that OF the con-
ming tower eight inches thick.
The Florida after being especially
prepared was fired upon by a twelve
inch rifle on the Arkansas in Hamp-
ton Roads. The shot broke an eleven
inch turret plate. but did not penetrate
II. and the delicate mechanism inside
was pronounced uninjured and still in
working order. Efforts to destroy a
new type of fighting mast also proved
futile, the mast standing after five
shots.
The turret, when examined after the
twelve inch projectiIe had struck IT.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05

bore all the evidences of a fight. The
paint along the seams had disappeared.
many of the seams were sprung. bolts
were loosened. and slivers OF the plate
lay around. A board dummy inside
was intact, and the opinion of the Of
ficers was that even with the terrific
impact the gunners in the turret would
not have been injured. The mechan-
ism. in the turret bore no outward evil
dence of damage, and the belief was
expressed that test would find 1t in
working order.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05
Not For the Nervous.

1t looks like such a simple thing -
To run trolley car.
To start when sounds the signal bell
And stop without a jar,
But try to be the motorman
Down through a crowded street,
And if you're not~a nervous wreck
Next morning I'll stand treat.
Out where the track is clear ahead,
In some suburban lane,
1t isn't hard 10 ruin the car
And never feel the strain,
But in the miXup business brings
OF men and apple carts
The twisting of the motor arm
May try the stoutest hearts.
In spite of frantic, noisy bell
And every warning sound
A fat man walks before the car
And never looks around;
A lady with a baby cart
Gets half across the track.
Then in q panic haSitates
And tries to jerk il back.
'Twixt teams ardlboys on bicycles
And auto drivers fresh
The whole looms to the motorman
Much like a tangled mesh.
Applying brakes and ringing bells
And lodging through the strife
And keeping every one alive,
He leads a busy life.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05
affinity Parties,

Affinity parties are all the rage
among the churches of the Norwalks,
in Connecticut. says IL South Norwak
dispatch. Affinity parties are unique.
The young men are blindfolded and re-
leased one by one in the center of Il
hevy of young women. The ones they
catch are their "affinities" WitH\his
prize each happy he" gets sample of
her cooking; for each fair "She" brings
lunch for two. The chances of the
game are somewhat affected by the
ease with which upon occasion an af-
Unity falls prey to ,outstretched hands
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05
Best In His Hand.
The Color of a Bio Noise.

A youthful artist has discovered that
sound has color. Certain tones are red,
other are blue and still others are yell
low. Presumably the demand for the
restriction of oriental immigration is
the last named color.
A mans last dollar pattering of
down the street makes pale blue
sound, and. when the stranger with a
small but noisy roll in his pocket at
tracts the attention of the confidence
man it is because his tones are green.
When the unexpected barrel stave
comes down on the head of the UNI
suspecting victim it makes noise like
n composite of all of the colors of the
rainbow. 1t is a great idea, but the
person who first noticed that certain
varieties of garments made loud
noise was the original discoverer.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05

The spectacle of republican bosses
throwing out the returns of southern
states in Chicago, is reminder OF
the days of &c when a democratic
president-elect was unseated. Per
haps the unblushing gang is merely
practicing up again for what is going
TO happen next November. But there
will be no repetition of the outrage oil
the Tilden-Hayes election this year
II will not be allowed.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05

The Chicago Tribune AYERS that La
Toilette has injured himself as chau-
tauqua speaker by his recent perform
ance mo audience" says the Trib-
une, will go voluntarily to hear man
who is likely to talk Is hours lat a
stretch La Toilette will talk to chau-
tauqua audiences, however, not as a
"filibuster," but as a trust buster.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05

The conspiracy that is on in Chi
cago in which your Uncle Joe Cannon
is of course taking a prominent part
to juggle the returns prior to the con
vention sounds natural. The only diff
ference between this and past events
of similar nature is, that, the repub
licans are now playing with their own
figures before the election, whereas
they usually play the democratic fig
ures of the election.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05
Device to Aid microscop.s.

The wonders revealed by the or1inar,
microscope are increased hundred
fold by recent invention which Gu
ables the Use of a high power lens a.
large as six inches in diameter. thu!
bringing the whole of objects ins.eaC
Of details only under observation.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05

The average woman thinks let who
will WELD the ballot as long as she
herself can keep her powder rag in
hand.
BY the seraphic expression on their
countenanees one can be sure that
some of the girls one meets are either
girl graduates or June brides.
If you don't like what you have and
can't change it, just compromise by
changing your mind.
A good way to teach child to be-
have is to behave yourself.
Some men are good husbands because
they know that it isn't wise to be any
other kind.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05

Major Alfred Dreyfus should quit
the crazy French and come to the
land of the free and the home of the
brave. Martyrdom such as he has
suffered and is still suffering has
scarcely been known in the history
of the world.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05

A stamp collector sold a specimen
for 100000 and lives, while woman
card fiend dropped dead when she
found she had hand full of trumps
Thus do the get-rich-quick schemes
have their drawbacks.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05

Frank A. Munsey says there are $780,
600 people in the country who can af-
ford to own automobiles. What's the
use of drawing invidious comparisons?
The rest of us are just as proud even
If We do ride in the street cars.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05

For goodness sake are we now to
have prominent mans brother be-
fore the country again, anent the con-
spicuous part being taken by Taft's
millionaire brother in Chicago.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05

A lot of men sit on dry goods box
all day and tell of the evils of the
money power who could just as well
sit on riding plow and raise corn
thus getting close to the bloated bond
holding element themselves.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05
Just on the Quiet.

Jones wife is a great advocate of
woman suffrage"
81 understand he holds some views
on that subject himself"
yes; what views he has he holds
all right He doesn't even dare let
them out for exercise"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05

Mark Twain is reported to be think
ing of taking a so or 40 years ,vaca-
ton before completing his next book.
Methuselah was no humorist.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05

The late session of congress was a
billion dollar affair exclusive of the
Aldrich emergency money.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05

The right way is up hill 1.-The wrong
way down hill. No man can mistake
one way for the other
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05
Amended.

Evidently a CRATER doesn't take
much stock In the commandment Thou
shalt not STEAL"
NO; he reads it Thou shalt not
squeal.'"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05
Not For Children.

':You must never tell lie, Johnny.
Not even to dodge a lickingT
Certainly not"
"say, tell that to old folks"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05
Beer That 10 Beer.

Beer That ID Beer.
II you want to drink good beer, order
the Davenport Mailing company's pale
export. Delivered anywhere in Rock
Island. Both phones. north 169.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05
THE ARGUS.

Published Daily and Weekly at 1924
Second avenue. Rock Island, Ill I'm
tered at the postoffice as second-ciass
matter.J
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05
Wise Girl.

would you marry an old mani"
'.Well, that would depend"
Upon what?" &
my own age at the time"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05

BY THE J. w. POTTER co.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05

T h e chemist
who finds an
anti-trouble tox-
in will be can
onizedas a saint.
T h e majority
only think they
rule; it is the
big boss of the
majority t h a t
rules.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05
Getting Even.

"Wil you marry me?"
mo, thank you"
-Then shall not marry you, Miss
Pert"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05

Weekly. 81 per year in advance.
All communications of argumentative
character, political or religious. must
have real name attached for publica-
ton. No such articles viii be printed
over fictitious signatures.
Correspondence solicited from every
township in Rock Island county.
GuEoN sklAfNs
TKApEs E Dsl!as lllee5Nc!I>
Friday, June 5, 1908.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1908-06-05
Hurnor 0n0 philosophy
BY DUNCAN N. SMITH
PERT PARAGRAPHS.

1t pays to be honest. Nothing like it
for self, esteem.
-
1t is hard to be glad to see your
friends and at the same time sorry
your work is interrupted.
Some widows wouldn't be merry If
they thoughtsthey had to wear the hat.
Does a greatscandidate need to be a
big man?