davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-17
3d. ~p<A@5fBass%<S- 90

him for an hour or so, she tucked him
into bed and then sat around the room
and consoled and comforted him.
''Darned deceitful sunlight that plays
on this Warrington town." said Mr.. job
son. sneezefully and hollowiy. after he'd
got settled in bed.
"How's that?" inquired Mrs. Jobson.
'Oh, the way 1t looks warm out" said
Mr.. Jobson. when really it's as raw and
chilly as the dickens. Never can figure
on how warm or cold it is by looking
out Of the window at the Washington
brand OF sunlight"
WELL" said Mrs. Jobson, II was fooled
Der. 1t looked quite warm when i went
and I didn't wear any wrap. and the re-
and I was mighty lucky that / didn't
take a bad cold. too
''Oh. you noticed that it was raw and
cold when you went out before breakfast
to get some coffee. did you?" said Mr..
Jobson. sort OF half sitting up in bed and
gazing searchingly at Mrs. Jobson. We'll.
then. II that is the case. may l respect
fully beg to inquire. madam, why the
dickens you didn't say something about
the rawness and the GOODNESS to me- so
that I could have taken the precaution
to put on some heavier underwear"
Mrs. Jobson. dumfounded. couldn't
frame one word in reply for fully sixty
seconds. Then she began:
why, for mercy's sake. don't you"
Its all right for you to sit there and
talk about mercy and things. but it's
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-17

blamed little of that you've got in your
composition" growled Mr. Jobson, II
you'd cared so much - hang for what
happened TO me you'd have laid out a
little stack of heavier underwear for me
to put on as soon you saw how cold
it was out: but did you? Not much you
didn't. Never once entered your head OF
course. l had the germ of a slight cold
a day or so ago. but that had practically
passed away. and 1 got the real grip
cold today by going downtown in gauzy
summer underwear and q suit OF clothes
designed for the tropical Washington
summer. If I'd had any body looking out
for me I'd never have been allowed to
SLOUGH out into the raw. marrow-piercing
air Of a morning like this morning with
out enough clothes on me to keep a REIN
deer from getting the pneumonia. But
it's all right. I'm not hollerine. I'm
used to neglect and all that stuff. I don't
expect anybody to look out for me. It's
about 50 to l that you yourself were all
diked out in properly protective under
wear. suitable to the season, long ago.
but I'll bet $40 that my own underwear
suitable for this season was given to the
ashman when I took II off last spring,
or that You tucked il away somewhere
as bait for moths. But it's all right
Only. if you're SO Internally keen for
my life insurance money it's a wonder
to me you wouldn't shorten my misery
by sticking an ounce or SO OF powdered
glass in my coffee some morning, or
something like that. instead of trying to
do the dangest you know how to have
me die a prolonged death OF agony
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-17

and then I'll make the change and not
one-eighth Of q minute before"
WELL ventured Mrs. Jobson, that
medium weight underwear Of yours really
Is not heavy at all. you know. It's very
different from your regular heavv wooden
underwear. and your office is draugh-y.
you know, end that summer underwear
is armless and Of knee length. and really
/ am afraid that you will catch"
Catch your grandmother" put in Mr..
Jobson In his tone Of finality. Its a
wonder you wouldn't go through with 1t
and urge me to sew myself up in bright
red flannel underwear q month or SO be-
fore the leaves begin to drop even from
the poplar trees of Washington. The
sooner you get the idea out of your
head that ! am one of these belonged
little sensitive plants the better the I'M
derstanding of things is going to be
around here. I'm not q hod-carrier nor
anything like that. but I reckon can
stand what other men can stand and I'm
not going to stand tor this thing Of be-
ing looked upon as a mollusc and q mol
iycoddie."
"well. at any rate. them" said Mrs.
Jobson. taking her last stand in Mr..
Jobson's interest. you will wear heav-
Ter suit of clothes this morning. won't
you?"
II will not" was Mr.. Jobson's prompt
and acrid reply. Neither will I 90 out
and borrow q buffalo overcoat to wear
over my suit of clothes. Nor do I want
you to hunt me up q pair Of wooden NIT
tens to wear on q day like this when
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-17

ficient to start riot. and for a visitor up
in those parts to inquire into the average
snowfall is to insult his host and to lay
himself open to criticism as an absolute
ignoramus OF course. in Ottawa, where
I live. as the city derives its chief impor-
lance from the fact that 1t is the seat
of the Dominion government. this feel
ing doesn't come to the front so much,
but even there you'll find a decided dis
position to sit down hard on arctic con-
versation. And out in the agricultural
districts the subject is far and away from
joke.
Why" continued my friend. "Rudyard
kipling isn't SO popular In the Dominion
as he might be, and all because Of a ia
nous but rather chillsome poem he wrote.
Remember these verses?
"A nation spoke to a nation.
queen sent word to a throne:
Daughter am in my mothers house,
But mistress in my own.
For the gates are mine to open.
AS the gates are mine to close
And ! will remain In my mothers house.
Said our Lady Of the SHOWS.
what did the business for Kipling. Cana
dams all subscribe to the political sent1-
ments expressed, but they don't seem able
to stand for Our Lady of the Shows
as descriptive. They figure out that the
timothy-haired agriculturalist from the
that fateful last line isn't going to wilt
-,is collar beating 1t for the ticket Office
to secure passage for Canada. And every
agriculturalist is looked upon as a tangi-
BILE asset up our way
And SO saying my friend Tapped up an
other skowtch and soda and faded away.
IN business bent 1 dropped in on q
~ bureau chief in one of the depart
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-17
THE POOR, OLD

estate. and goes around In cheap. frazzled.
slouchy raiment SO as to enable the
family to look like the goods at all stages
of the game: and that's expected Of him.
and he takes 1t all for granted himself.
He doesn't make any fuss over the
sacrifices that he endures for his n.
Doesn't say word about 'em. Just digs
and digs and digs. and plods tho old
rutty path, makes remuneration after re-
nunciation. practices abnegation often like
an anchorite: and it's all taken quite as
a matter Of course.
Nobody writes any Of those glug-glug
wooze ditties about him.
The game he goes up against generally
IL a pretty hard one. He has his troubles.
often enough. just hanging on. He takes
his wallops at the mailed fist of destiny.
just as they swing along. without any
whimper. The folks at home don't know.
and II they knew they wouldn't bother
much. Of the sings ,and arrows and jave-
Inns and harpoons and such-like that the
old man has hurled at him right along
in his effort to keep the vine and fige tree
a-going and the coal dealer propitiated
and the grocery man in a decent humor,
and 20 on. Life, speaking generally, Is a
warfare for him. Usually he just gets
by by the skin OF his teeth, and pretty
often. too. he's old before his time in
and to enable his'n to keep their heads
up.
But nix the boost do the beerful song
writists hand him. nor the verso manufac-
turers, either.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-17
NOBODY VERSIFIES OR SONGIFIES

OF credit for 1t. Now it is natural enough
for the mother to uprear her children the
way they should be upreared. just as It
is natural for the dad to maintain her
and the flock while the appearing process
is In operation. But look at the enor-
nous amount of praise. In songs and
verses and things. the mother gets for her
part of the proceedings. and look at the
utter absence of common credit that
the dad gets for his share In the job.
There must be thousands upon thou
sands of these mother" songs In all Ian
guages. The mother is celebrated fine
ly and often a bit maudlinly, for her
watchfulness at the bedside OF the sick
children. for her patience, and SO on. But
the old man, the nominal head of the
house, is permitted to figure as an also
ran in the songs and verses Of all ma
tons.
And yet he's on the Job all the time
from canape to crackers. He doesn't
lay down.. He doesn't finch. He doesn't
crawfish. He doesn't renege. He doesn't
WEIGH. He bucks the line as hard as he
knows how. and he's working and schem-
ing and fighting and struggling for his n
from the time that he opens his eyes I'M
til he crawls into the hay, pretty tired,
at night.
But who versifies him or songihes him
Nobody. Not nobody.
He takes up the burden Of family
with a cheerful grin. From a dapper,
care-free sort of a chap, he mooches into
the harness of a man Of family. and he
accepts the inevitable seediness Of that
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-17

orable Serene T. Payne in the role of
minority leader
The explanation of this unholy desire
is simple indeed Mr. Payne is so fond
of his war club. 50 swollen with power.
so blamed sure of everything under the
dome running according to the Payne
schedule. that il would be treat 10
see him leading forlorn hope. Being
as much of "A republican as It's possible
for any human being born and raised IN
Washington TO be anything politically. L
feel in conscience stricken moments. that
this obSeSsinn of desire is tra1torous 10
a degree But il is there just the same
As the majority leader. the honorable
Serene is an imposing figure. He Is as
impressive as n Chinese joss and almost
as nimble In debate he shines. In far
off days cultured gentlemen clad them-
selves in sheet iron and walloPed one
another most sincerely with axes ana
things The Honorable Serene is reml-
riscent of that time. When he SWINGS
his club for a verbal swat and it lands
it knocks his adversary out OF time
in A iiffy But if the enemy is agile
enough TO duck the Honorable Serene as
likely as not lands on his honored nose
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-17
O." ~N<A@a<& aA%>S~ 90
his coin

isn't he raising the divvle with his coin
and getting hot run for il?
There's just one way for the millionaire
to make a hit with New York. and that 10
to 'go the distance" in the moneyburn-
ing race. A millionaire who lunches on
graham waters and milk like John D..
can never hope to win the regard of this
community. But II John d. were TO take
II into his head TO accumulate a colossal
wine bun. and wind up in the Tender
ioin station bowling for bunch OF
pianomoverS and lumberjacks and cops
and things to make their instant appear
ance SOS he could knock their blocks on
why. Mr.. Rockefeller would awaken In
his cell on the following morning 10 find
himself beloved and cherished by the hull
town of New York. from the Battery to
the Bronx. see If he wouldn't.
THERE'S lot of gossip floating about.
as might have been expected. as
TO how Hearst got hold of those Standard
Oil letters discriminating or at least tar
nishing many prominent persons. The
sure-enough true story appears to be
that a woman stenographer formerly In
Archbold's office deliberately made copies
of the letters and turned them over to
Hearst's dickerer after she'd made up
her mind that she wasn't getting a fair
deal or salary or something from the
Standard Oil people She received SO the
story runs. pretty nifty sum of money
for the documents. Hearst has had the
letters tucked away, ready to spring at
the suitable campaigning time. for at
least two years. He has only the copies
of the letters. for the young woman. Il
is said. simply made copies and tucked
the originals back in their proper places
II appears that under the law of New
York state the young woman could be
legally prosecuted for the job. but there
isn't for excellent reasons which may
be obvious. the slightest chance that
Archbold ever will have the law on her
Archbold. like the rest of the Standard
Oil outfit, is a great believer in the
maxim about letting sleeping dogs lie.
and. even il this dog is not sleeping very
hard, nothing could be gaineu by giving
him a kick. CLARENCE L. CULLEN.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-17

the sun still looks as slowy as it does on
the Fourth of July. Neither am I going
to prowl around and hunt for q pair OF
ulse-warmers. and I don't want Pals
ley shawl to wear over my suit. either.
All that l desire at the present moment
of time Is to be let alone, and to be
served with suitable quantities Of coffee
and eggs in about four minutes from now.
In order that there shalt be no delay In
the aforementioned respect. 1 beg to sug-
gest that you beat 1t to the Kitchen to
see what's doing In the way OF some
breakfast"
Thus admonished. Mrs. Jobson gave 1t
up. like the sensible woman she was and
Is.
About an hour or SO before his reg
ular time Mr.. Jobson. looking not at
all gay in his light summer suit. wob-
bled through the vestibule. emitting a
loud ''ker-choo!' at almost every step.
Mrs. Jobson heard the ker-choos from
her room upstairs and OF course she
dutifully ran downstairs to receive Mr..
Jobson.
You're home early. dear" she said
to him.
"Uh-huh," said he. sepulchrally. Got
the grippe. l could feel 1t coming on
couple of days ago. Developed fast to-
day, though. and 1t curled me up SO at
the Office that l had to knock of and
come home"
Mrs. Jobson went at him right away
foot-bath, mustard plaster, spray for his
head and all that sort of thing.
After f1zgigging around and doctoring
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-17

registration booths.
Time was when the entire length of
Broadway from Bowling Green to 42d
street was hung with enormous campaign
banners bearing the highly colored por-
traits Of the candidates or the parties.
There are just a few of these banners this
year. They are SO scarce. In fact. that
they attract attention on account OF their
very lonesomeness. The street spielers.
little spellbinders who make their talks
from the tails of carts and so on. have
the greatest difficulty in forming any sort
of a crowd to talk TO O. evenings. Most
New Workers have reached the stage
when they sheer openly at the promises
of platforms or candidates. l know doz-
ems Of men who. only few years ago.
were active political partisans during the
progress Of campaigns. at least, who now
haven't the slightest interest in the prog
ress of the campaign either for President
or for Governor of New York. The belief
has become widespread. apparently.
among men of all classes, that 1t doesn't
make any direrence-thus you hear it ex-
pressed-which party wins. the midaie-
class folk who pay the freight" will get
1t lin the neck anyhow. as usual" An
utter disbelief in the sincerity of political
professions or promises has taken posses
sion OF the electorate of the largest city
in the western hemisphere. I've heard
scores of chaps whom l used TO know as
jealous republicans or democrats VOW and
yum that they intended to vote this year
for Debs or Hisgen. and not few of
them. still more cynical. aver In all ear
nestness that they intend to cast their
ballots for that convict fellow away out
west who's running for President on one
Of the out-and-out bug tickets. When 1t
comes to that. no candidate who has
visited New York In long while got such
a stirring reception as did Debs the other
day. and the enormous crowd which
listened to his talk paid its good coin
to get into Cooper Union to listen to him.
too. The vote for Hisgen Is going to
reach surprising figures in this town.
many people assert
1t seems doubtful. though. II the voters
of this town ever will get the old-time
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-17
Co.,. ~QT<@e5a8| @

why. the rest of it, according to the
queer view of our race and time, is
none Of his affair.
OF course. the everyday man isn't
very picturesque. He isn't pretty to
look at as general thing Usually he's
in want Of shave and often he's round
shouldered and his shoes are kind o
run down. and he's grizzled and COM
monplace looking and no figure of SEN
timent whatever.
But the plain, everyday man in
American life Is pretty good people, all
the same, and that fact doesn't want to
be overlooked.
1t may be pretty hard to wrap any
nimbuS OF sentiment around the figure
of a man who just does his best all the
time and who lodges the limelight AS
he would a trolley car and who hates to
be caught with a moisture about his
eyes and who pretends that he hasn't
any more sentiment in his carcass than
he has radium in his breeches pocket.
But II the virtues of stfck-along- alive
ness and faithfulness and patience and
steadfastness are tra1ts worth while.
why don't these musical sentimentalists
stake the man In the case to 10 or 10
cents worth OF celebration once in a
while. anyhow?
He allus done his damneNest," the
far-western epitaph reads. Well. that
statement of 1t would go for at least
nine-tenths of the plain. everyday men
you'll see trudging around Washing
ton or any other American town this
afternoon.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-17

expectancy that the rumor might prove
true?
The mighty and matchess Morgan re-
duced to a diet OF hay and snowballs-
how piquant! New York showed the
symptoms OF a distinct crouch when It
was discovered that the imhecile story of
Mr. Morgan's down-and-outness was lu-
natical in conception and vicious in Its
dissemination. But why, why should New
Workers have enjoyed the thought of this
leviathan In the sea Of finance being on
a lee shore?
j. Pierpont Morgan, a gruff man of
extremely brusque personality and bear
like manners. nevertheless is one of the
sure-enOugh benefactors of this town in
a great many different directions. His
charities in this city mount away up in
charities as lying-in asylums for poor
women, manual training schools for girls
and boys. and that sort of thing. Mr.
Morgan. too. Is noted for his loyalty to
MS friends. he spends his almost fabu-
lous income here with the open hand of a
prince, and he asks nothing else at the
hands Of the New York public than that
he be let alone. And yet the ghoulish
giee plainly exhibited by the town in
general at the time when it was rumored
that he was In trouble was palpable to
the most casual observer.
New York has about given up hope that
John D. Rockefeller ever will go broke
and be compelled to get Job down at the
gashouse or with the white wings street
cleaners; but how this town would Choir
tie with merrinent at the spectacle Of q
busted John D."
New York. you see. doesn't like John
D. because he amt no sport. un'stan'?
For another thing. the average Moo
Yawker regards II as extremely selfish
and ornery and all that for Mr. Rocke-
Teller to bestow large gobs of his oil-made
money-''gouged out of the pee-pul. you
know-upon a university in Chicago-Chi-
cago. why. the idee. Finally. New York
strongly disapproves of. not to say repro
bates. Mr.. Rockefeller because he just
will go to church. 4 weak, milk-and-
watery, mollycoddlish sort of a business.
going to church, for a man of John DIS
millions, the New Workers take it-why
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-17

shall Pants is good enough for me.
ants ought to be good enough for any
body But I don't care hang whether
any body else on earth says or writes
pants. pants. 1t suits me to say and
write pants. and that's all ! need to
think about.
II was brought up on the word pants.
and I'm not going to be so DANCED nicey-
nicey at this stage of the game to go
back on an old friend like pants.
II know that Henry James wouldn't
approve of me for calling 'em pants.
Il know that the new generation of
cutey- wutey fictionists who do the stilted
novelistic Junk for the consumption of
people living in the middle west would
view me with horror if they heard me call
'em pants.
II am perfectly we'll aware OF the fact
that the employment Of the word pants
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-17

being admitted to the Fasters' Club. to
abstain from food altogether for ten days
per lunar month.
allowed to put in these abstinent days
consecutively. or to sandwich them inf
Sandwich be a fitting word in such a
connection-between eating days. Those
who do not fast their ten consecutive
days. however, are not SO highly regarded
az those that do.
The members Of the Fasters' Club
maintain that eating Is all dreary mis-
take, anyway. q sort of vicious habit
fastened upon US by our thick-headed
primeval ancestors. and 50 they've ar
ranged matters SO that they won't partici-
pate in the general mistake for 100 days
in tho year. any way. I saw the Fasters
in conference tho other day. and they
sure looked to me like an anenic and
queer crowd-the sort Of a crowd, for
instance. that ono might see in attend
ance at morning lecture at the Wal
dorf by Richard lie Gallienne or some
such person.
They looked pretty sad over it all. just
as the veget arians generally look. Once
in a while drop into one or other Of
the numerous vegetarian restaurants OF
New York Just to study the vegetarian
folk. The apparent loathing with which
the vegetarians appear to regard their
their determination in sticking to their
dismal vegetarian principles.
But II you ask any Of them just why
they do 1t they will Immediately flare up
and speak disdainfully Of persons who
permit themselves to ''partake Of the
charred flesh Of animals" and the vege-
tarians OF the more esoteric cult Will ad-
vert to the slaughtered animals as our
brothers OF the neld." and so on that-a-
way.
BY the way. there is also No Breakfast
Club over here. the members of which
covenant upon joining not to partake OF
any sort OF food before the hour of noon.
They are unanimous in their belief that
America is a nation of dyspeptics-and
that oft-reiterated bromidium lacks any
sort Of authoritative confederation. by the
way-solely because Of the breakfast
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-17

That was the essence of the matter. IL
was pointed out that there were senti-
mental songs and rhymes without music
and things about all hands except the
plain ordinary dad. who plugs along, day
in and day out, year in and year out,
doing the best he can. There were
mother songs galore. songs and rhymes
about the more or less moony young
woman. songs about the always more
moony young man. songs about the young
'uns, songs about the whole blamed ship .
company, fore and aft, from forepeak to
mizzen rail. but nary a line. hardly ever
even a versified allusion, to the plain.
everyday man who dubbed along and paid
his rent and butcher bills and obeyed the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-10-17

when l went 10 the grocery for some cof-
fee" said Mrs. Jobson. Raw and nippS-
like You ought to put on your medium
hannels."
"Oh, / had had I?' said Mr.. Jobson,
who doesn't like these before-breakfast
propositions no matter how much they
may be in his own interest. showing
hard out. l s'pose? Any sleet?"
IT'S really quite chilly" said Mrs. Job
son, and il / were you
IF you were me-" broke in Mr.. job
son. you'd build one OF those Eskimo
round huts in the back yard and crawl In
TO it on the first of October and never
emerge 10 the light of day again until the
first OF May. That's what you'd do.