Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1908-06-25
"A CRYING
EVIL
copyright.
BY Tom Mason.

| would be public nuisance. For one
thing, babies are always more or less
In the way. They interfere with
European travel and are hard to hold
in horse-cars, They are not allowed
in baggage-cars, cannot be sent by
freight or express, nor checked at n
hotel They seem to be naturally
| wicked, are hard to raise, and seldom
repay the trouble they cause,
A baby around the house often in
terferes with the pleasures of the
nurse. He is always falling out of
his carriage or interrupting her in
the midst of an exciting novel. A
nurse ought to have as good time
as anyone else, but the baby often
keep her from the highest enjoyment,
1t is hard for her to run downstairs
and call up her best fellow when the
baby is running loose without collar
| or leader. Along with other modern
! conveniences, every well-regulated
| house ought to have a telephone
| switch in the nursery and save the
gentle and patient nurse as many
, steps as possible.
Babies are generally admitted TO
be a poor security. Although great
! deal of money is put into them, no
! baby would be accepted as collateral
by ones butcher or broker. They
draw relatives, are hard to name, and
almost always develop the worst traits
of our ancestors, not to mention our.
| selves.
/ The number Of babies had by un.
| intelligent and shortsighted parents
| doesn't matter in kind, but In degree.
! If one baby is a general nuisance, II
stands to reason that two of them
ought to be twice as bad. But the
truth is, by the law of Formulation,
| two are three times as bad as one,
and three, six times as bad as two.
single baby can be slowed away
| in an alcove or a soap-boX and his
cries muffled by any hard-hearted old
| female, but trained nurse and a
| corps of faithful assistants will! fail in
| the case of two.
l. That is the supreme danger of hav,
ing babies, anyway. Providence has
no head for figures. One of them can
! be decently tolerated and treated by
the philosophic mind like any other
! bad investment. But when we are
up against two or three Of them, as
the stork may be-when we have to ell
| bow our way down to breakfast In the
morning and there Is wintry forest
| of cribs in all the upper stories, almost
| any kind of'a hereafter is a welcome
/ change.
| 1t is a common belief that when, In
our youthful days, the sanctity of our
| homes is invaded by babies, it's such
real good thing, because they will
support us in our old age. But by the
! time the returns are beginning to
come in the chances are about ten tC
4 one that our candidates are going tc
| be beaten at the polls. Most of us by
| that time are too old to care. What
we need most of all is someone to sup
| port us while we are bringing the
| babies up.
| It's all very well, when you are
about 80 years old and full of rheuma
| tism and "reminiscences, to sit by the
| Preside of your wealthy son-in-law
or daughter-in.law and while you are
spinning some prosy old yarn to youi
delighted audience, TO have your brow
smoothed by gentle hands, and o
$20-a-month maid standing over you
with her arms full of rare old Madeira
| and Canary in gold decanters. But
that isn't what happens in real life
| What happens in real life Is that gtl
are relegated to some drafty attic
room for about 20 hours a day to
nurse your troubles and keep them to
| yourself, are put on regular allow
| ance of about 30 cents week, and
! then, when the word is passed around
that grandpa" is coming to join the
family circle, there is a general STAN
pede for the outskirts of the estate.
Your baby boy of 80 years ago, the
oatter of whose footsteps you listened
! to, wondering what the shoe bill
would be, and thinking of the glori.
! Gus future, is now busy with troubles
| Of his own, and has no time for
"grandpa's" heartto-heart talks.
We should be wrong to deprecate
| babies too strongly. There are two
sides to every calamity. Occasionally
we hear of baby who has made him
self useful, has successfully broken
| open bank and got away with all the
| money, or else been smart enough to
grow up and become a magnate, rob-
bling the general public and his coun-
try and thereby developing into a re-
spectable member of the community.
But, speaking generally, babies are
to be deplored. They always come
when not wanted. They are out OF
place. They hinder education, in
terrupt the reading of the popular
| magazines, keep us up nights, and
oftentimes humiliate us deeply, cut
ting us to the heart by their great
numbers and frequency. They spread
undelightful diseases, promote germs
and are constantly adding to the mum
Der of undesirable folks.
II there could be a regular baby
industry, in which only the first-class
article were permitted to exist, much
mitigation of the present unhappy
state of affairs might result. AS it
is, there are too many seconds.
Every baby ought to have the max
er's guarantee, and when he doesn't
come up to the mark he ought to be
returned c. o. ID. At present, how.
ever there seems nothing to do but to
mourn our gain