The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-12-16
ACranky Widow.

WiuOMtit.
There came a day when Uncle Ben
had to add his own name to the list
of widowers. His good wife passed
away and left him alone. He grieved
for few months and then started In
on his work again. He was rather
forced to. He got track of a widow
who had given out that she would
never marry again. She had heard Of
Uncle Ben and had given out that she
defed him. He still wore his EN-.
blem of mourning as he drove over to
see her He found her perfectly sat
isficd with her situation. Death had
claimed husband so lazy that he
hated to turn over in bed, and she
didn't propose to take further chances.
Uncle Ben brought out his statistics.
to every nation. They proved beyond
controversy that there was only one
constitutionally lazy man out of every
500 of the male population. Thus the
widow might remarry 400 times and
run no risk. She then put II that her
late lamented had the appetite of
horse and shook the walls of the
house at night with his snorings.
There were statistics to prove that
this state of affairs was to be found In
America only In one case out of q
thousand and then when the moon
was IN her third quarter. Whatever
excuse the widow brought forward
Uncle Ben successfully controverted,
and at length she gave him big
piece of apple pie and glass of cider
and gently turned him out of doors.
But he wouldn't stay out. Within a
month he was back to plead the cause
of certain widower. lie had the
mans, history down In writing, and
he had his, dtintype. The widower
didu't snore, he was a hustler, he was
good natured he didn't swear at his
oxen, lie built the kitchen fire in the
morning, he had farm of so many
| acres, and he was the owner OF 80
many horses, cattle, hogs and sheep,
with spotted calf thrown in to
make a good bargain. The widow
shook her head aud said nay however.
turnlps, aud she felt that 1t was GO
ing to be a great year for that vege-
table.
| Uncle Ben came again with a wild
over that had once seen the widow
driving along the highway and had
| fallen In love with her He had only
five children; he never refused his wife
u CALICO dress or pair OF shoes; he
never INDUCED In remarks when his
meals We're not readygif the cellur
needed whitewashing he did the work
himself; IL u tin pan leaked he could
mend 1t, and If the churn dasher broke
he could make another from II broom
stick within ten minutes. The widow
gave this man ten minutes thought
and then shook her head. Hay was
selling for $50 n ton, and she would
have thirty tons TO sell. .rN
He brought Nos. 4, 5oiand @, and
he brought tintypes, photographs and
memoranda. He drank cider while
enumerating their many virtues, and
he ate apple, peach and huckleber
ry pie between statistics AS one
candidate after another was presented
and his claims set forth Uncle Ben
saw that the widow softened a bit
She turned them all down, but this
SOftening encouraged him TO go ahead
In his own mind he thought her a bit
partlcular-even cranky-for turning
down Il farmer blind In one eye, q
lightning rod man with game leg
and wire fence man with hump OIL
his back, but he did not say So IL,
knew that If he kept on long enough
and could find candidates enough The
widow was bound to give in. Ii,
didn't neglect his farm work altogeth
er. but he keptan eye out for the righ
sort of candidate. He thought he haI
1@hlm In Nog Z. He brought the widow
er to the house and let him sit In th,
buggy at the gate while he went In /,
do the talking. nR
IuiThere he is, widder" he said, will
an air Of confidence. ''rake look a
linn from the winder. Forty -elgh
years old, In good health and not
blemlsh on him. Don't swear, chav
terbacker nor drink. Never gifts mat
and allus willln' for his wife to go /,
town. Got i've children, and they ar,
little angels. Only takes an hour /,
scrub one up 50 that you want 10 kis
him. Big farm, keeps hired gal live
well and bound to make you Lappy TO
the rest of your life. When | add tina
his late wife left four pairs of almos
new shoes behind her you can se
what kind of a man he Is, Shall
holler to him TO come int"
mo, you needn't holler," quietly re
piled the widow.
"But what's the matter?"
IL shan't marry him,"
But look a-here, widder, this ls tn
seventh man I've brung to your no
tice."
Yes"
"And don't you think you're bi
cranky TO turn the hull drove of 'el
DOWN.
II shall never marry" she replied
with n sigh
"You won't? Say, | kin show yo
statistics to-
II shall never marry unless the righ
man comes along"
| IL Tl...s