The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-03-22
BY sEWELL FORD.

Call her off, will you?" says l. I'm
no lost kid
1.-THE young lady is merely express
ing her thanks" says Rolly, Ito the
gallant young hero who so nobiy res
cued' her from the Malabistos. Don't
shy, Shorty. She says that any one
as brave as you are needn't worry
about not being handsome"
He was kiddin me, see? And ! didn'
have no comeback that she could IN
derstand. | felt like a monkey,
though, havin' my hair mussed and
thinkin' maybe next minute she'd give
me the knife. And Rolly sat there
| GRIMM like a jack lantern.
/ didn't get a chance to break away
until we got to the ranch here. Then
we left her in the buggy while we went
up to make a lightnin' change. Me
too? Sure, I've got a head walters
rig. Bought it for Tim GrOgan's an
nual ball. but l never looked to wear
it out attendin' grand opera.
II hope the Van Urbans will appre-
ciate that I'm givin' 'em a treat,
says I.
They'll be blind if they don't" says
Rolly. rs it your collar that hurts
most?'
mo. it's the Shoes" says 1: but
maybe the pain'n numb down by the
time we get there"
We made our grand entry about the
end of the second spasm- The Van
Urbans had taken their corners. There
was Papa Van Urban, loOkin' like
ready money; and Mama Van Urban,
made up regardless; and Sis Van Ur-
ban. one of those tail Gainsborough
girls that any piker could pick for
winner on form and past performance.
Say it took all the front 1 had in
stock Just to tag along as an also ran,
and when 1 thought of Rolly headin'
the procession l was dead sorry Tor
him. I couldn't see how he was gOin'
to make good. And what kind of
game do you think he hands out?
Straight talk, nothin' butt Course. he
didn't make any family history out of
teIIin' who his lady friend was, but as
far as he went it tailed with the card
"Out we go nowi" says l to myself
and looks to see Mama Van Urban
throw a cat fit. But she didn't. She
just squeaIed a little, same's if some
one had .tickled her behind the ear, and
then she began singing that gurgly-
gurgly Newport talk that the Sixth
ave. salesladies use. Sis Van Urban
caught the same cue. To hear EN-
you'd think Rolly'd done something
real cute They gave Miss Caramel the
lofty wig-wag and shooed her into a
stage corner chair.
She never made a kick at anything
until they tried to take away her
cloak Not much She was just be-
ginnin' to be stuck on that. She kept
it wrapped around her like she knew
the proprietor want responsible for
overcOats. ROlly tried TO tell her how |
,there want no grand larceny intend !
ed, but II was no go. She had her sus- |
picions of the crowd. so they just had !
=, Let he cit
she wasn't any misfit.
Now I'd seen the inside Of the Met 4
ropolitan Opera house once or twice be- 4
fore, havin blown myself to a standee 1
just for the sake of looking at the real 1
things with their war paint on: but I |
wasn't feelin any more to home in the /
back of that box than I would in a pull
pit. But the Sicily girl didn't show 10 /
more stage-fright than an auctioneer. She /
Just holds her chin up and looks out al /
all that display Of open-woTk dreSs-maK-
ing and cut-glass exhibit without so
much as battin' an eyelash. She was
takin' it all in. from the bargain hats in
the family circle to the diamond tummy
warmers in the parterre. You'd never /
guessed that she'd come from a Dago 4
back district where they have one mail /
a week.
There was some rubberin at her, of
course. and / expect we had the safety
vault crowd guessin' as to what kind /
of a prize the Van UTbanS had won; but
it didn't faze her a bit. She just gave
EN- the Horse-Show stare. as cool as a
trapped mint. Nor the ringin' up of the
curtain didn't disturb her either When a
chesty barytOne sauntered down to The
footlights and began calm the chorus
names she glanced over her shoulder
casual like. just to see what the row was
all about and then went on sizin' up the
folks. She couldn't have done it better
if she'd taken lessons by mail
IF she would only talkss'' gurgles Mrs.
Van Urban. Doesn't she know a word
of Englsh?'
'She sDeaks nothing, but pure Sicilian''
says ROly, ''and the way she talks it is
like music. Wait
Pretty soon the barytone quits iawin'
and prima donna in spangled clothes
dica or Media. ANYWAY, she was an Al !
warbler. She hadn't let go of more'n a
dozen notes before Miss Caramel begins !
to sit up and take notice. First she has
a kind of surprised look. as If a ringer
had been sprung on her; and then. as the
high-C artist begins to let herself go. she
swings around and listens with both ears
The music didn't seem TO go in one ear
and out the other; it struck somewhere
between and swayed and lifted her like
a breeze in a posy-bush. could hear her
toe tappin' out the tune and see her head
keep time to it. Why, if l could get
my moneys worth out of opera like that
I'd buy a season ticket.
When the prima donna had cut it oft
with her voice way up in the flies some-
where. and the house had rose to her. as
the bleachers do when one of the Giants
knocks a three-bagger. Miss Caramel was
still sitting there. waitin' for more Her
trance didn't last long. though. She just
cast one eye around the boxes and down
to the orchestra, where the people was
spiittin' gloves and yellin': "Brava
brava." so that you'd thought somebody'd
carried Ohio by a big majority. and then
she takes notion to get into the game
herself.
Shuckin' that black cloak. she jumps 11p.
drops one hand on her hip, holds the
other to her lips. and peels off a kind OF
yodel that shakes the sky
light. Talk about your cornet bugle calls.
That little ventrilOquist pass of hers had ,
EN- stung to whisper 1t cut through all
that patter and screech like Trinity
chimes splittin' a fish-horn serenade. and
It was as clear as the ring of silver :
sleigh-bells on frosty night
After that it was all Up to her. The !
other folks quit and turned to see who I
had done ii. Two or three thousand
pairs of double-barreled squint-gIasses / I
was pointed our way. The folks behind
EN- found something worth lookin at too !
Dur Sicily lady wasn't in disguise any /
She I'M bar Of