Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1908-04-14
!,I'
AVEsTFs2 s7dlS1S
~~~~~~~o~~


Small Boy Gin tank of swimming
school, anxiously )-Oh. pa; I've swal-
lowed some water! viii they mind?-
Punch.
Tommy-Pop what is the difference
between fame ana notoriety? Tommy's
Pop Notoriety lasts longer, my son.
Philadelphia Record.
Did you ever see any one so home
ly?' No; why, he's 50 homely that
automobile goggles are actually becom-
ing to him."-St. Louis Times.
How we have changed since the old
days." ''W hat do you mean?" why,
to-day it isn't half so blessed to give
as it is to be a receiver."-Life
Mamma, have / got to take bath
to-nlght?' I'm afraid you have, my
dear" But l haven't done anything
all the week to deserve it."-Life.
Mr. Jawback-That boy gets his
brains from me. Mrs. Jawback-Some-
body got EN- from you, if you ever
had any-thats cinch.-Cleyeland
Leader.
Peggy-Was that pliceman ever a
little baby, mother? M0ther-Why,
yes, dear Peggy (thoughtfully -
don't believe I've ever seen baby
pliceman.
that the wilder Diggs has married her
hired man Farmer Hornl eak-Then.
he'll have TO climb down from the fence
and go to work.-Puck.
| Mrs Newrocks-R Really, I'm sorry
we didn't accumulate more souvenirs
of our European trip. Mr. Newrocks
oh, we can get all we want in New
York Town and Country.
Mrs Hoon Cooking up from her
newspaper Here is an item about
convict who writes poetry in prison.
Mr.. Hoon-H'm! Is that what he is
in for Philadelphia Ledger
81 notice that you nearly always
smoke when you are writing said the
caller. DO you draw your inspiration
from your pipe?" NO." replied the
horse reporter, Il draw smoke
Mistress-Jane, l saw the milkman
kiss you this morning. In the future
| will take the milk in. Jane
'Twouldnt be no use, mum. He's prom
ised not to kiss anybody but me.
Boarding Mistress-l want a weeks
board in advance, so as to be sure of
it. New Boarder-Thats all right
Here's your money; now l want
weeks food in advance Tor the same
reason.
ne--Young girls always want to
marry for love, but when they grow
Older they want to marry u man II
money. She-You're wrong. They don't
grow old; they merely grow WISER
st. Joseph Press-News.
Everything lovely down at the
house?" Yes; we are leading the
quiet life these days" How do you
work it," "Well, you see, we have a
photograph, and it alternates with my
wife after supper" -Nashvile Banner.
jack hear you are engaged to that
homely Miss Gotrox. Tom-Yes; she
has half a million in her own right.
Jack-But money doesn't always lead
to happiness, old man. Tom-True,
but it ought to help some in the search.
Chicago News.
Business Man (busy with CORE
spondence) i'm that telegram of Beat
ties yesterday he said, letter follow
ing" l don't see the letter here. Stem
ographer- Why, don't you remember?
we received it the day before we got
the telegram.-Puck.
Borem-I think hear your fathers
step on the stairs, SO perhaps / had
better bid you goodnight. Miss Hits
(yawning) oh, it can't be father; he's
a late sleeper. Perhaps it's the hired
girl coming down to prepare breakfast
Chicago Daily News.
'Well, WELL" growled the first man
at the banquet, why did they call on
that man for speech? He doesn't
know how to talk" NO." replied the
Ot0er, 'DuL he uOeSH KNOW WudI NE
talking about anyway, so there's no
harm done.9-Philadelphi Press,
Reporter-Senator, have heard that
you got your start in life by selling
newspapers. Senator Lotsmun-Not
quite correct, my boy. The fact is
but this is confidential, you know
that / got my start by buying one or
two newspapers.-Chi Tribune
Johnny, why don't you be good
boy like your brother Willy?" the
mother was sternly admonishing her
naughty son. willy here may be
President some day, while you win
have to dig in the sewer" But, moth
err" walled Willy, cant l dig in the
sewer sometimes tooP Harper's
Weekly.
professor said Mrs. Gaswell to
the distinguished musician who had
been engaged at high price to enter
tain her guests, what was that lovely
selection you played just nowY That,
madame" he answered, glaring at her,
was an improvisation" 'Ah, yes, 1
remember now. knew II was an old
favorite, but couldn't think of the
name of 1t to save me."-Chicago Trlb-
une.