davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-01-12
Another King lake. =

With . scoEllDg brow the irate Taude-
vile agent awaited the next applicant, who
was not long in coming. long, ianky in
dividuaI, with more hair than was a6'
soutsly necessary and a eouutenauee that
was not bit cheerful, cane TO bis desk,
and 10 funeral tones said, Good day, sir"
well. what do you vant?r was the IN
promising reply.
II need a JOB just now about as much
as anything else" answered the lean per-
son.
Ever bad any eKperience%
''Oh, indeed, ! have been with
s'Chop il short ] know you've been with
all the big stars from Hamlet 10 omelet :" in
terposed the agent shortly. THAT doesn't
cut any freeze With me. What's your
lines"
"I-I-Tm a-a-a comedian" was the
faint reply
well. then, make me laugh" demanded
the agent, with snari.-Lippincott's
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-01-12
Little Bobbie.
ne writes About the Hamlet Club
and What Pa Will Do if
Ma Joins It.
BY WILLIAM r. KIRK.
fHE HAMLET CLIR

D 10 AitsEE Ill
Nv |ELL' al can think Of wich to rita
w OF TO-DAY is about the Hamlet CHM.
~'eh my Ms & sam other ladies
mas tast started 4 wish Pa says be is 90
ing to inish.
Hs calm hoam one ~ Afternoon last
Nees 4 sed TO ia, Well. al last Ne xi,,.
men sfs started on = good deal. We ara
nos members Of the Hamlet Club 4 will
90 oaf best az all times TO honor the mem.
ofy OF Ire Melon Collie Dane. Ma sea
hAeh i3oy, she sed, Is pledged 20 brin.
Der husband as escort & maIk them stsv
listen to the stories OF Hamlet's LIE
Ma sed, how he cain 10 git erszr &C
After the meeting, Ma sed. the ladies Z,
an pledged to maik their husbands talk
then 10 Nectors Restsrent s blow thsre-
self for the dinner. etc, sed Ma.
Leve out all litery Dope.
Is that sol sed Pa. what did / ever
DO 10 Hamlet Pa sed, that be shud tbus
bring my gray hairs in sorrow 70 a Ladies'
Club afterwards a feed. he sed. Leer-
ing out al iiteFy dope, Pa sed, 4 speaking
IS one a. man TO bis wife, I will stav
ciess to the old srsside, rsedinE nv books
& smoking my seegsrs, a thst Is no fool
isb RSYP.
Ihey tell me Hamlet vas mad, mad, sed
Pa. II SO, he sed, Hamlet wasn't any
nader than ! am rite now. To 20 or nos
TO go. Pa sed, TO go or not TO 20, with
the absent on the last sillabel
Now see here, Ma sed. what have you cot
against Hamlet or bis foaks.
Net vary much against Hamlet, bat his
stePfathsr & bis mother. thsy are In Dutch
with me. Pa sed. & as for Hamlet, he was
all rite In his time, but doant think much
OF any fellow, Pa sed, that went out mites
talking TO coasts feeling Of skulls 10
grsiTyards.
The club is not the thing. sed Pa. q
that this too too solid club would melt 4
fade away, be Sed. lseEing my deer wife AZ
hoam sith me & little Bobbie
Billiards Is Difernt. Says Pa.
But you onen 20 out mites play bill.
llards, Ma sed.
I know. sed Pa, but that is dInernt, bill
lizards is dineFnt from Hamlet. Billiards Is
with three balls. Hamlet is three shell
game IN Billiards, Pa sed, you are play
ing gain witch is vary much like life t.
self. Sum men gifts the balls in the corner.
such as Rockfellow & Carnegie, sum men
uses big cue, such as Ruseyelt. 4 sum
men newer wins gain, such as William
Lemon Bryan, etc Also, sed Pa. sum men
counts too many points. such as Mcclellan
etc.
NiI or the Hamlet Club Eed Pa Stay
at hoam like good little wife, 50 I can
see yure iuvihg face Ehea l git in late
from the Words MuEick Club
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-01-12
In Hard Luck.

at looks as if these trusts" said Mr..
Sinclair, will have TO obey the law, or
else their owners will fad themselves as
badly sold as the rich BestOnian who
bought an estate in Scotland called Glen
AccFa. The Bostopian bought this estate
without having seen il. He believed that
be could trust the man be bought it from.
And last Summer he went over TO have
look at the place. The drive from the
nearest railway station to Glen Aeera was
matter of twelve miles. The BOstonian
hired a Highlander to drive him. As the
cart logged along, the Bostonisn said:
- suppose yeu know the country hers-
abouts pretty well, friendf
AYE, liza foot o T. the Scot answered.
"'And do you know Glen Accrar
Aye. weel,' was the reply
"'What sort Of place is itr the AmeTi-
can asked
The Scot smiled grimly.
"'Aweel.' be said If ye saw the de IL
tethered on It, ye'd just say, 'Poof
brutei" Life.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-01-12
A Corking Race.

There was an Engiishman who imported
famous wolfhound from Europe some
years ago TO get rich catching wolves Cor
the scalp money offered by the state Of
Texas-$10 each Some genuine TsIss
sports were invited to witness the first
chase. They followed many miles through
the prairie grass, but without getting sight
Of either wolf or hound. Finally they came
to a wooded spot, where a suffering ma
tive was chopplng. did you see wolf
and a hound pass just nowT' cried the
EngiIsman. 'Y-e-e-e-s, sir; they j-j-jus'
bot: nip an t-t-ttuek. T.t-t-the dog wa
wa-was Ieetls ahead. Rochester Herald.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-01-12
Resolutions for New Year.
By WEX JONES.

ESoLVED-th during the coming
year will endeayor TO let the Amer
~ lean people dope out a few things
for themselves. They may have their in
itiative altogether If decide on every
thing cor them, and if / see them going
wrong | can always step In and set them
right. X.
Resolved-thst / will not once 20 around
the world in 1905, ana, further, that l will
invent a few policies of my own.-WILL-
IAN II. TAFT.
Resolved-that l will take additional
boxing lessons in 1soS-JoHN SHARP
WILLIAMS
Resolved-thst / vii knot teese toodes
Envy mosr IN shee ISIS only girl.
/ vii knot Fife with jams jonsun emmy
mosr sept If he cawls me mutt todd
TOMMY TODD.
Resolved-tbst / will not appoint any
more commissions in 1905, or not more than
three or four. snyway.-CHARLEs E.
HUGHES.
Resolved-that l hereby swear OF cigars
during 19Os-unless they are good ones
JOSEPH G. CANNON.
Resolved-that l viii swear OF every
thing the same as I've done every year
ORDINARY CITIZEN.
Resolved-that I'll cut out politics and
try to write some more stories.-RUDYARD
KIPLING.
Resolved-that l will follow the battle
aeet to its journeys end.-DoVE OF
PEACE
ResOlyed-thst I'll make the city spend
more money for less returns in 1905 than
ever.-"MAYOR" MCCLELLAN.
Resolved-that when tommy Kawls nee
A girl / Won't Cry.
muther see thare Has bee girls emmy
way.-ToODLBS TODD.
ResolTsd-thst some one else can deny
things during the next year; but what's
the use? made the same resolution for
1907, and look at my record.-SECREIARY
LOEB.
ResolTed-that / viii try TO be even
more jocular In 1908 than in 1907.-AT-
ToRNEY-GEHERAL BOSAPARTE
I'D. Note-Impossihle.)
.
Resolved-that III let people lose money
their own way next year.-rHoMAs W.
LAWSON.
Resolved-that 1908 being q leap year
III keep the bachelors on the jump
ANN TEX.
ResolTed-thst III take none but Amer
lean husbands next year.-MIss AMERI.
CAN GIRL
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-01-12
Strictly Private.

colonel, on his tour OF inspection, un-
expectedly entered the drill-room, when he
came across a couple Of soldiers, one Of
them reading a letter aloud while the other
was listening, and at the same time stop
ping up the ears of the reader.
What are you doing thereT the puzzled
officer inquired of the latter
You see, colonel, Pm reading to Atkins.
who can't read himself q letter which has
insr come from his sweetheart"
And you. Atkins, what in all the world
are you doingg
please, colonel, | am stopping I'D MUIR
nhy's ears with both hands because /
don't mind his reading my sweetheart's
letter. but ! don't Naut him to hear a sin
gla word of what she has written."-Il-
Illustrated Bits.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-01-12
A Just Precaution.

Did you ever notice how a piper prances
mp and down as be pipes: lie never sits
he never stands still, but up and down,
round and round, to and fro. be struts
continually. little boy. listening TO the
weird skirl of the bagpipes of a street
performer. once said TO his father:
Father, why does the piper keep on the
move all the time he plays
Il can't say, my boy" the father an
swered, unless it is TO prevent any one
getting the range with a cobblestone.r-
Washington Herald.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-01-12
Couldn't Stand It.

President Manuel Amsdor Of Panama
tells this little tale Of a certain Cuban mil
lionaire:
An unfortunate man once obtained ae-
cess TO this millionaire and started to Law
before him his woes. He depicted his
wretched poverty in most vivid coiors In
deed. SO graphic was the mans sad story
that the millionaire felt himself affected
as he had never been before. With tears
in his eyes be summoned his servant and.
in a quayering voice, said:
John, put this poor fellow out. lie Is
breaking my heart '"-Eyeryb ody's.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-01-12
-Four Wishes.

In reply TO correspondent, the Boston
Pilot explains the old English toast Here's
to the three BIS and the H." The three
BIS are bread, beer and bed; the Ii stands
for heaven. The full toast is
Here's to the three BIS and the Ii
Bread when we're hungry,
Beer when we're dry,
Bed when We re weary.
And heaven when We die.
They are said to be used chiefly in Sus-
sex-Bnfalo Commercial
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-01-12
Jolting the Granddad.

A fond grandfather and father were ad-
mirng the new baby.
Fond Grandfather declare! That
youngster is a great deal more intelligent
than you we're ct bis age
Insulted Parent--Naturaily he has 4
great deal brighter father Life
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-01-12
RETRIBUTIoN.

Hrs. Peckom-H eHrg, do yOa beliere
that people are punished right here on
Garth for their sinsg
Peckem-f certainly d0-fhat Is, If
marriagcs are really made in HeaVeH.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-01-12
MS ONE SECRET.

Singleton-Do you beIiere it possible
for a man to keep secrets from his
i0ifeg
Wederlv-Yes, ! guess so. AngnGg l
Aerer let my tCife knoD UhGt l really
think Of her.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-01-12
THE LATEST.

Eud-And irGs that yoHHg man really
80 hard to understand, my dcarP
Edno-Hdrd 10 uHdeystdHdg Wig,
the goose Gctaally proposed in EsperSHto.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-01-12
Just for the Fun of 1t.
SPOKE TOO LATE.

Doctor-Mg dear sir. your tcifs
needs some change.
HRSbdnd-I khoi0 she does, but.
good heavens, doctor, you took il oil!
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-01-12
Less Would Satisfy.

Fifty thousand dollars will suit an
nounces a daily paper headline. should
think it would. Some Of us would be fairy
don World.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-01-12
Waiting Orders.

Joues-What are you going TO give your
wife for q Christmas present?
Rrown-She hasn't told me yet.-Puck
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-01-12
Disappointed.

Did Louise gel the antiques she
NautedT
No Her house is most comfortably fur
Rished. '--Woman's Home Companion.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-01-12
lis Usual Greeting.

Yes money talks; but its faForite re
mark is Good by indianapolis Star.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1908-01-12

following
the Fashion,
By c. B. QUINCY.
Y RYAN'S shooting ducks in Texas.
I'D Plotting them for fair;
Soon he'll punch the solar plexus
Of a grizzly bear.
ST.
EAFT will soon be getting busy
Chasing mountain goats.
Scaling precipices dizzy
With an eye to votes.
So
Ep NOX, along the boundless prairie.
II Bothers less with law;
Catching wolves In manner airy
By the dripping jaw.
So
FAIRBANKS. wrenchins all the
habits
Such a statesman hath. S
Bloodily pursueth rabbits ~
Down bis garden path. 4 #
So
EUGHES. regarding with suspicion
u The embarrassing hawk.
Appoints Publie Hunt Commission
To all it dead with talk.
-
HORTELYOU a sdll-hunt's run
~ ming.
Cannon much the same;
Candidates who don't go cunning
Aren't in the game.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-02-19
PsychoEooica[ly Exclaimed.

Mrs. Flaherty, who earns her living
and maintains two clean little rooms
in an uptown tenement by going out
to do washing and days work, has
been widow for many years, and en-
tertasns q strong prejudice against
marriage for any but the young. It's
all right at that time O. life" she
maintains. but not for old people with
gray hairs. Then it's unsuitable and
the height O foolishness." Holding
these opinions as she does, it was a
severe shock to Mrs. Flaherty to learn
that one Of her best customers, 2
widow Of threescore and ten, was
about to be married for the second
time. Almost tearfully she confided
her sentiments to another patron.
Think OF it, Her a-fxin' all them
fine clothes and takin' as much pride
in it as if she was to be q bride OF
twenty instead Of an old woman thatL
never see seventy again. Why" and
her voice dropped to an awed whis'
per, "at her time O. life l believe it's
the ravin' O. death is on the womanr'
New York Times.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-02-19
A Scotch Excuse.

a canny Scot was brought before a
magistrate on the charge Of being
drunk and disorderly. What have
you to say for yourself. SIR" demanded
the magistrate. You look like re-
spectacle man and ought to lie asham'
ed to stand there"
Il am vera sorry. sir, but cam
up in bad company fra GLASGOW
humbly replied the prisoner
What sort of company"'
y lot of teetotalers." was the star
tling response.
DO you mean to say teetotalers are
bad company:" thundcred the maGis'
trate i think they are the best OF
company for such as YOU
"Bcgcin' yer pardon. sir" answered
the prisoner. 'ye'rc wrong; TO. I had
bottle CT wllusky an had TO drink 1t
all myself. Reynolds Newspaper.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-02-19
Paxyille Dots
Editor The Manning Times:

Editor The Manning Times:
The Loyal Temperance Legion
will give a play entitled, 1.-TWO
Dreams Of Brandy" on next
Friday evening at the graded
school building. A small admis
sion fee will be charged. and the
proceeds will go towards furth
ering the temperance cause IN
that town. All are cordially in
vited to attend
The first quarterly conference
of the Pinewood charge will
convene in the Methodist church
here OH next Sunday. There will
be preaching by Presiding Elder
Duncan in the afternoon at I
O'Clock, and again on Monday
morning at II o'clock, after
which the business session will
be held.
Messrs. Chas. P. Knife: Ed
ward Schmidt and Gus Rheams,
Philadelphia, Pa, are here for a
two weeks hunting expedition.
Mr.. L. K. Weinberg has be.
gun the erection of a brick store.
He hopes soon to have resi-
dence on the same lot.
Mr.. J. W. Rhame has recently
opened a general merchandise
store here.
Mr.. Earnest Broadway, a stu
dent of the Charleston Medical
College, came home a few days
ago on the sick list.
Miss Annie Bradham left a
few days ago for Johnsonville,
where she goes to visit her
brother, Mr.. P. C. Bradham.
Misses Jennie Reid and Eva
Curtis entertained the pupils OF
their grades with a valentine
social Friday evening. Many
and dainty were the cupid mes
sages. Misses Mayme Rhame
and Eunice Barwick and Messrs.
Johnnie Broadway and Roy Ged-
dings won tne prizes in the heart
contest.
Mr.. Timmons, of Sumter
spent a few days with Mrs. W.
E. TisdaIe. near town. X.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-02-19

The chief objection to Senator Ap-
pelt's editorial on the subject OF the
dispensarv graft attorney senators
seems to have been its truthful ex-
posure of actual conditions. Mr.. Applet
merely put in black and white what
hundreds have been freely saying for
sometime and what a majority of the
people believe. The very sensitive
senators whose angry passions were so
furiously aroused by Appelt's impious
criticism of their exercise of the priv
| iiege of representing and accepting
pay from both parties to the case of the
State VS. the grafters: the indignant
senator's, whose indignation was :arous-
ed by criticism of their act, called Mr..
Appelt all sorts of hard names, but
succeeded only in making aslnlne
spectales Of themselves and deceived
no one. When all is said and done it
remains a fact that the member OF the
legislature who is the hired representa-
tive of any corporation or individual
il a cause of action against the State
| is not proper person to vote on ques-
tlLns that affect the interests OF the
parties to the cause. Lawyers have
done things and think they can con-
tinue to do things for which other men
would be sent to the penitentiary, but
public sentiment is gradually becom-
ing unwilling to make such fine dis
tinctions between retaining fees and
bribery, between attorneys commits
sions and graft. Not even a lawyer
can serve two masters honestly and the
hullabaloo raised by the senators would
have been amusing did it not involve
so serious matter-the integrity and
purity of our Observation-Disclosures
and Southron.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-02-19
HoW's This!

We offer Onc Hundred Dollars Reward for
any case Of Catarrh that cannot be cured by
Halls Catarrh Cure.
F. j. CHENEY & CO.. Props. Toledo 0.
We the undersigned. have known F. j. Cheney
for the last Is years. and believe him perfectly
honorable in al business transactions and imam.
cially able 10 carry pEt any Obligations made by
their firm.
WEST Il TRCAX wholesale druggists. Toledo. O.
WAIpI.;G, kINN.,N Il MARVIN. wholesale drug
-i>tS Toledo. 0.
.t'S Catarrh Cure is taken internally. acting
directly Upon the blood ard mucous surfaces Of
n. system. Price 13c. per bottle. Sold by all
druggists Testimonials free
Halls Family Pills are the best.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-02-19

home to explain, but we would
not let them go at that, instead,
we gave them one more chance,
upon the principle that while
the lamp holds out to burn; the
vilest sinner may return, " and
We agreed TO reconsider the mo
ton which killed the repeal, but
it did no good, they were not
willing to go so far, they only
wanted to nip the little white
spot on the dogs tail, and not
cut off the entire tail. Therefore
the law remains as it was, and
now the issue will be made in
the campaign by some politician
wanting to be governor. 1t IS
already hinted that Capt. John
Richards will run on the platform
of Prohibition, and the Repeal
of the Lien Law. Both plat
forms are all right to make im5
practical appeals upon, and may
be very popular with the mass.
es. I know prohibition is, and
believe it has so grown in popu-
larity that if the issue is made
Charleston will go for prohibit
ton, and so will Columbia. The
loudest prohibitionists in either
Of these two cities are men who
have been selling libuor all of
their lives, they now say they
want prohibition and will vote
for it.
It my last letter intended to
correct a wrong impression made
throughout the State by the
resolutions offered by Senator
Smith of Hampton to have me
brought before the Bar Of the
Senate. 1t was natural for peo-
pie to think the man who III
troduced the resolution was ar
rayed against me, but such is
not the case. Senator Smith
and myself are friends, and
without consulting me or giving
me any idea Of his purpose he
introduced the resolution in or
der that I may have an apportu-
nifty to make a clear statement.
He thought probably the state
ment I made in the morning
when I was taken by surprise
was under excitement and if |
had time to think it over could
make my position stronger. This
was his sole reason. Had any
effort been made to institute ex.
pulsion proceedings Sen a or
Smith would have been one of
my strongest defenders.
! am receiving commendatory
letters every day, and the press
of the whole State as well as
some without the State has en-
dorsed my position. I herewith
give to The TINES readers only
a few extracts. I haven't the
space to spare for all of them.
A.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-02-19

Those senator's who are paid attor-
neys for liquor houses and alleged
grafters, are making mighty bad re-
cords in the present session of the leg
islature by opposing every measure
that may be introduced with a view to
Investigating dispensary crookedness
or prosecuting alleged grating officials.
AS we suggested a few days ago. it ap-
pears that their position is almost a
scandal, and the people of the State
are beginning TO realize the shame OF
it all. To place ourselves IN the posi-
tion of constituents Of such senators,
would we not be embarrassed and In
dignant if we knew our representative
in the senate was a paid attorney for
LIQUOR firms and men under indictment
for defrauding the state, and that his
course in that body seemed to indicate
that he was looking after the interests
Of his clients rather than representing
his people? Do not believe Spartanburg
would submit to such state of affairs.
The Gaffney Ledger commenting
upon this situation, says:
Senator Appelt, OF Clarendon. has
created a tempest in the state senate
by writing an editorial in his paper in
which he criticized certain senators
for representing certain whiskey
houses in their efforts TO collect bills
against the state for liquor sold to the
dispensary. MIR. Appelt further
charges those certain senator's with
throwing obstacles in the way Of the at
rorney general in his endeavor to save
the state from paying illegal claims. II
Senator Appelt's charges are founded
on fact. then these senators should be
investigated. and if ? investigated, and
if guilty they should be kicked out OF
the senate. II none of them are guilty
the senator's editorial does not apply,
and a great fuss has been raised about
nothing. Certainly Senator Applet, as
/. newpaper editor, has the right TO
criticize the state senate or any other
servant of The people, especially if he
has good ground for his criticism. =
Spartanburg Herald.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-02-19

Applet was right in his structures on
the Senators, or else they are standing
by him because he is a brother editor.
As they do not always stand by a
brother editor we must conclude that
the press of the State think that he
was right in his structures. Florence
Times
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-02-19

Mr.. Appelt's big stick" in the Sen
ate made the fur fly. The old saying
that the hit dog is the one that hol-
lers" was never more true than in this
instance. The idea of Senator boast
ing over the fact that his clientage is
among the very class of people our law
makers are trying TO bring TO justice.
Mullins Enterprise.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1908-02-19

Communications must be accompanied by the
rea, name and address OF the writer n order 70
receive attention
No communication OF . personal character
will be published except as IN advertisement
Entered a. the Postohice at Manning as Sec
ond Class matter.