The Washington herald., 1908-08-02


/ Zip, zip. birg, bing.' wigwagged Free
kled Fidos the Official snifer Of the Odor-
less Town Commission. as It's members
stealthily crept from the chimney Of the
new municipal palace yesterday after
noon masks and boards hiding their
handsome and determined countenances-
They jumped into MAJ SyIvester's air
snip and steadily kept in the shade OF the
trees TO escape detection This commits
sion had been recently appointed 10 de-
tect, analyze, deOdorize. and suppress the
various unnecessary and UnweIcome doors
which abound in this. the commonwealth
OF our glorious republic After long
and heated discussion. they finally de-
cided 10 carry On their operations from an
ai-ship. which would better enable them
70 pounce down" upon maIefactors and
get the crop on transgressors Of the
law Freckled Fido was at the helm, and
sailed his huge bird OF the air in ma
jestic curves through the blue ether Of a
beautiful summer afternoon q warm sun
flooding the giant silk gas bag with q
mass OF golden light The bag was flied
to the neck with gas At 8 Per Loo
Gets a Good Scent.
Zip. zip. bing. bing,-- again wagwagged
that stump tail Of Fido. which. according
10 the code Of the odorers, meant Lay 10.
my hearties. I am on the trail of the
villain North By northwest" The com
mission vas prepared for every emer-
gency. and its members were armed 70
their very teeth Zip. whew. whew,
whew-" wigwagged SnlnO: ''methinks a
most surprising odor IS approaching and
preparing 10 assau my sensitive nostrils.
North by northwest" Not a word was
spoken. Il was Ike the night before
Christmas; not even a mouse was stir
ring
Follow me- shouted Fido. as he
jumped out Of the boat and made a dash
Up the hill. q blue bsndanna around his
neck, revolver in his right hand. and eye
glasses in the other Follow me- he re-
pezted, in q voice choking with emotion
The commission. consisting Of Z. pLysi-
clan, q plumber. and 2 sospmaker. had by
this tine arrived on the scene. and hav-
ing fortified themselves with q sniff ard
a Whit from a perfume bottle, they en-
tered the place, which proved 70 be a
delicatessen shop
What's your name and address. my
good nam said Fido. addressing himself
10 the proprietor
Ny name IS Reginald de Spuyren Dui-
vel. I an a poor but honest deIicatessen
handler. sand my place OF business is s521
Fifth avenue, New York opened q
branch line in Washington. where I an
selling imported Iiuburger cheese and
other Gslectable deIectabilit1es- You ought
70 smell that Imburger. kind and good
sir. il would make your heart run over
nit caoy."
-SmeH7- said FIdo. savageIy- Produce
the goods. you villain" And the poor.
Old broken-hearted cripple produced The
cheese
No sooner had he opened the safe than
the sought-for treasure literally ooze6 out
of every aperture OF the treasure chest
Il was inhabited and moved by myrisds
of crawling creatures which seemed 10
add strength 10 the subject Fido 1el
over As Il knocked On the head with =
What's the zaattsr. Fido?r asked the
plumber, IL mental perturbation Brace
-p. old fellow; the worst Is YET 10 cone
Who knocked you down. Fido?~
The wholesome od1r Of that cheese.
1f course
The name and address Of the uususpect-
ng limburser cheese dealer was taken
ioWn on the docket. and he was fined 81
p sixty days in the city cooler with his
pockets dIied with E-nburge- cheese
Having scored the first knock-down. the
members OF the commission jumped on
heir bicycles and speeded along Penn
yivalia avenue. FiGo leading. They
.ouid not overtaEe a powerful gasoline
curing car. the exhaust OF which lovingly
aressed their olfactory organs
FidO Almost Overcome.
Dear ne, mother" whimpered Edo. as
he wiped her beautiful blue eyes with the
Outhesst corner OF a lace handkerchief,
-hat a difference IN perfun,a- That
haUfeUr must have. entirely forgotten 10
ring some OF those Turkish paStilIes
long What a frightfui stencil. Oh. for
whif OF the runa50us OF the Austrian
.mbassadress."
Pressing the spurs into the 4utvering
anks OF his noble steed. the plumber
ashed forward and caught the auto
lobile by the bride on the Of side. Ter
Or overspreading his countsnauce. the
uto reared and plunged. but the plumber
lung around its proudly arched neck and
naiIy brought il 20 q staudstiII
We are the OdO-lsss Town Couris-
On, sir" said the plumber to the driver
the cab Ou are IN my CUSTODY sir
y debauching the atmosphere OF the
apital OF the nation with vile odors
ou must not entertain the notion that
Denmark the same condition OF
Iairs exists in this. the most beautiful
apitaj Of the most enlightened nation OF
,e world I fine you IS for spreading
smelling vapOrs- In default Of pay
ent, you viii breakfast every morning
2 the balance Of your life on two lin
Irger cheese sandwiches"
The jury retired Tor a verdict and vas
cked Up for the night
The Awful Gas House District.
They were travel-stsined and foOtsore
{ as they drew near The gas house dis
let, which is near the Juvenile Court
Woe upon me. and alas and aIackr-
1wly numbled the physician. as he held
sponge saturated with chlo-oform 10 his
strils- 7 would rather die peacefully"
ID ne. than be chOked into eternal life
this nauseaJing atmosphere
u no done it, Who did it, asked
do, pricking his ears and shifting the
It IS positively scandaIous.'' Fido pro
sted. his manly bosom swelling with
shteous indignation. Gas plants should
reno-ed out on the TennalIytown road
2ere nob5ly lives Officer. do you duty
O arrest this man. who pOisOns the air
lich is breathed BY thousands Of ny
.thful subjects His punishment shall
the crime. and he is condemned TO I've
onths' work IN the gas house"
The sun had reached his Western goal
q went down in a golden glory. The
ers We're seen on the distant horizon:
sy were in animated discussion.
4 Good Days Work, Forsooth!
VIII We succeed o. asked the first one,
!