davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New-York tribune., 1908-12-13
Speaker Reeds Caustic Wit

TFIF late Speaker Thomas B. Reed was noted as
L he was dreaded for these unprecedented shafts
of wit No man ever engaged with him II q con-
test of wit that did not regret his tererty- Occa-
sionallv new man viewing himself through MS
local representation with all the reckless audac1ty
of youth would hurI himself into the arena and
challenge this knight of CauStIC wit 10 moral com
bat and Reed would fling out, the most careless
and drawing and Indifferent manner flaming
shaft of satire or ridiCule that pierced the COM
r,lacence of even the newest and most bumptlOus
member and drowned him under the Jeers and
laughter of the House
Most of the cheap bOns mOts attributed to Reed
in the political traditions of Washington are aPoc-
ryphal They represent an effort to supply a pop
ularized demonstration of Reed aphOr1S1nS ana
cvnicisns But Reeds humOr was more subtle
and cruel and effective than It possible TO repro
duCe since II would require a preliminary deluge
of political explanation before the absolute patneSS
with which his sCOrChIng wit burned Its way INTO
existing conditions be appreciated and because
the tiny drops of poison that lurked on the tip OF
each shaft owed its deadly result to the fact that
was adapted solely for that particular victim
case To understand the accuracy of this constr
tutional treatment required a background OF bog
raphv that would clog the Joke.
At one time q member was Indulglng IN a whole
sale excoriaton of the procedure Of committee on
which Reed had served for years Reed objected
| have some pride in the former history OF that
committee. and | would suggest began the
eleDhantine man from Maine IN his apparently
Illuminating style of phrasing yet there was White
light back of the hacCid cOuntenance that should
have warned.
But the peppery opponent did not include dis
cretiOn among his qualifications Well, L have
some pride in this speech | making, and you are
destroying it" he snapped
Reed suggested big dog that lays a puppy low
with a single blow of his paw and calmly continues
his interrupted bone as he drawled The gentleman
should worry because he Is unable to finish his
New-York tribune., 1908-12-13

marks. Ihat TACT could not
in any way interfere with
the symmetry of that pro
duction, since any speech he
ever makes is Just like a ring
OF bologna sausage. YOU can
cut it of anywhere
And the point of this barb
was dOubly lancinating be
cause the member it smote
looked ike a daChShund
rampant, and had kept a
delicatessen shop before the
successful issue of his cam
paign for Congress had made
him a gentleman and a states
man.
New-York tribune., 1908-12-13

oxidized he may make second entrance without
bells and carrying only heavy lines
Time will tell whether this congressional hunlor-
ist can change his spots. But it viii be without
precedent.
New-York tribune., 1908-12-13

submit to It and it to rescue To- the Union
this town that brought on the Now if there
is a member here who wishes TO have his name
connected by future generations with that of Judas
iscariot and Benedict Arnold If he wishes TO
have himself and his posterity pointed at with
scoru. if he desires TO be despSed by men and
summed by women. let him against this fish
hatchery Tupelo, and he will this infamous
uotorietyl'
And Private" John Allen S name was forever asso-
ciated with his Tupelo speech Insisteutly the
House hailed him a humorst whenever he rose
t. speak.
Once, when he sought permission to interrupt
the member on the floor snapped back that he
not particularly anxious To hear the views of an
alleged funny man
To which Allen whose resentment over this
forced category for his talents had probably grown
with each cndeavOr To- secure serious hearing
relGIued, " Once or twice in my lie, when / have
made q great effort | have been able To say some
thing amusing enough To cause Il temporary laugh
among "a few people. But my distinguished friend
here said some things III the recent campaign that
the entire American nation has been laughing at
ever since
The distinguished friend subsded while Mr. Allen
acknowledged the salute of laughter that came from
the House and pursued his serious query III peace
And this illustrates the really effective brand of
congressional humor. In tho quick flash of repair
tee very often not caught by the gallery audience
Jl at least not directed to the orlori bleach
New-York tribune., 1908-12-13
Don't Provoke John
Sharp Williams

TOHN SHARP WILLIAMS.
y the leader of the minority
on the floor of the House.
resorts frequently to the de
fensive art of humorous re
joiner, and the effects greatly
heightened by the bagpipe
cadence in his voice and the
hewIldered look that ALWAYS
New-York tribune., 1908-12-13

ers and political grandstand lies most formidable
weapon for self defense on the floor OF the House
New-York tribune., 1908-12-13
Congressman Eddy's Reror;

RUT the reversed application rt this -
- COruTnent.-an expressed hJ----u-..--- az F-9
Of ones own physical handicap p.-l-- otteL 49,
attention and commanded reCOgUl-l--- = -
of oratory could have done. Whc- Fr-NH - -
of Minnesota first presented himself 1ei'Ie - -I.-
leagues on the floor. II was noted that ne -
more like a subject for "a limerick or -1i-.-c 49, .
tine than consistent with congress- -i- -
Still he might have been dismissed IL nclcc ~
Ugliest Man IN the House. but that he PtTsiS-.
airing his views on all occasions in way 100 1s-
Sive for a raw -~
The members proceeded 20 badger HIM H-- r
tiremcnt; until ON one occasion % E.--e IT, Il
back of the chamber called out That 81 =
way the gentleman from NiuueSr-- --lNel- - -.
stump before election He looks o. r-e as u --
two faced" .~-
Whereat Eddy swung about and IN $,
impressive tone exclaimed. Two -+lg-
Lord does anyone suppose Id wear -a-7 ''~'
had another, -,~-
found his views met. If not with tc-r--ale -
with tolerance and without clur--1- ---S--''
New-York tribune., 1908-12-13
Had 4 Certificate OF Health

GUILE ADANSot WISCONSIN. who .--"- s-L b
- as If each dlv was % be his last ~ ear et.-i 3
surely ON the floor of the House. -l--le me -- b
congressional career by 81 couch az grim l-i'- go
ernlciated lpuxarauce He was arguing -
the free importation Of Philippine cl1--S -S - b
ace 10 horne industry. and prc-e~--r- - csc-
Philippine brands were not So Ueri,.s>S - 81
larlv supposed and IN fact might easily l-'
own cheap grades 18th -s
Old General Cirosveuor rose and -saeL. vi r.
sarcastic infection and a significant Sh-lSi y &.
the gentleman fr1m WISCONSIN ever --'S'-
these cigars "A rb-
Several" promptly affirmed Adams. ana, ll- iis
with a grin playing over hls wasted taye ne. PIC ,sl
And / can produce a physicians ccrI--t"'-
New-York tribune., 1908-12-13


tunity for repartee comes his way 1t IS a constant
surprise to the unntiated when the biting, caustic
phrase issues from that sIngularly helpless expires
sion. Yet those who have writhed under the Will
Jams whine know how much more deadly the ridi-
cule Is because of It's very incongruitv with the
apparent personality of the author
In a recent debate currency matters member
commented on Mr. Williams iconocaStic tendency,
by repeating:
Fools rush in where angels fear to tread
And suckers bite when whales have gone To bed
The minority leader did not change the student
droop 10 his shoulders nor remove the hand from
back of his UNANIMOUSLY hampered left He stood
his ground rather pathetic figure; but he made his
parry by a mental twist that left his opponent
without a toh IN ms StInging palm.
Mr- Speaker, l have pleaded guilty to the
charge of being fool l do plead guilty 10 the
charge now; but If | continue during the rest of
my natural life 10 look little like a fool as the
gentleman does like angel. l shall bc a solomon D."
Uncle Joe's" Thrusts
SPEAKER CANNON, too, won his parliamentary
- spurs from successful fencing with which he
would charge upon prolonged debates or worry
futile oratOry.
The most famous of his thrusts occurred at a
time when chairman of the Appropriations
Committee ne Obliged To listen 10 interminable
TRADES against the horrible extravaganza that had
permitted the remodehng of the White House and
New-York tribune., 1908-12-13
The Defender of Tupelo
DRIVATE" JOHN ALLEN
1 Of MississlppI drew prod

DRIVATE" JOHN ALLEN
L of Mississippi drew prod
igally from his supply of
humor when in the Fifty
sixth Congress he presented
IN clever burlesque the
righteous claims Of his micro
scopic metropolis of Tupelo
as the center of enough ma
tional Importance for the
establishment of a Govern
ment fish hatchery. COlum-
bus and Ponce de Leon were
trying to find Tupelo when
they accidentally discovered
America, he affirmed grave
". and continued:
When Horace Greeley
and others sought Mr. Lin
coin and asked him to let
the wayward sisters depart
in peace, he shook his head
and said, No, this secession
takes from the United States
Tupelo, and we Will not
The Glenwood post., 1908-03-14
HELPING THE FARMERS WIFE.

the lead in movement that should be
every The aim improve the do
of the farmer his family with particular refer
ence to tightening burdens of the farmers wife
made improving agricultural life and
decade The and boys of the farm have
the and the nstruc
the The girls have been TO town
school and have had advantages and education good those
their sisters the Millions have been fancy stock
but the patient farmers wife, the hardest worked
the farm has been allowed along in the old
the burdens of the family few
But the legislature of New York has appropriated 5000
the work of organizing wcmen Institutes throughout the
farming districts of the More than forty clubs
the organization into with general
for extending other the organization
national In these clubs helpful lectures will be delivered and
the of members exchanged
ome of labor and food the sanitary conditions
the sick aid the injured garden making
ton.
Much has been written about plans for keeping the boys the
farm address President Roosevelt
on look to the boys and girls growing the farms
for its virie valuable citizenship
Theorists and practical discussed plans
ing farm life attractive for the boys girls
the life Of the farmers wife, who
boys and girls the powerfu influence
eth Century Farmer. ff8't
The Glenwood post., 1908-03-14
JUSTICE ON THE TURN OF A COIN.

few days the press dispatches told astonishing
probably altogether method adopted New
York reach decision The damages
brought the father of child who had been killed trolley
evidence showed that before the accident happened child
standing the track beside its
poached the child broke
dart the track but caught killed
The jury was divided question responsibility of the
Plaintiff The jurors argued the matter minority
ground and pretty member who get
proposed that they flip for the decsionheads pa
tiff tails for the defendant This done
reported its verdict but when the
had been reached he fined the jurors $50
for further during they
called though he did release them
lance
incredible that twelve presumably qualified for
jury duty could be found who would promptly agree
rous court in this trivial Judging
reported of the evidence that the
but that is matter of chance had happened
fall the other the defendant would compelled
heavy damages for accident for which
responsible The procedure makes the whole farcical
might better have been kept out of court altogether
Our system has enough faults without
dton Of this method Of defeating bringing the
law into contempt For the country treated to tho
ures swayd by the sentmentaty Of clever
uab guilty Of the most arocou even the Juror
who permits his judgment to be thus befuddd thousand times
better than the who holds his obligations lightly that he
willing to base his decon the con tor hs Il At esst
conscientious " hs setioa Colorado Springs Gasstts
The Glenwood post., 1908-03-14

kener RELISH perhaps because they recall the memory OF bygone
days. and who the hill road of life with hope
for the future than regret for the past ,+H9
For such old has its pleasures for though the
spirits he has but to
his thoughts them How empty
gained by rahickng with
truth religion how worthless that accumulation which,
satisfy the heart and
who life gathering must leave behnd ard
how popular applause which the weak fanatic
|fances he ehears the of God.
The Glenwood post., 1908-03-14
THE YOUNG NAN AND THE FARM.

The editor of Golfers soemny informs the young men OF the
East they should abandoned FARMS for the that the
public lands in the West r nearly all gone
If the young has Travelled anywhere the west ne
There millions OF
which will yield far more than
does not want TO
lands state at reason
able pc-land that is under irrigation large returns
with the uncertain yield New England
ue he take land under of the government rec
will land with frstcass water
rights plenty of in to his payments
But the difficulty finding land but inducing young
take farm life AS long country life fails to attract
long the problem
to be met? There plenty of opportunity East West North and
South for the farm life but where the
young with incinaons If such
the East Golfers is making mistake advising
them to exc existence abandoned FARMS when
parts country retunsep
ver Republican
The Glenwood post., 1908-03-14
RICH WITHOUT MONEY.

Many MIN is rich without money Thousands of them with
nothing their pockets and thousands without pocket
rich born with good sound constitution good stomach
good heart and good limbs and pretty good hadpece rich
Good bones better than gold tough muscles than silver
that flash fire and to function better
than houses and land better than landed estate to have
right kind Of father and mother Good breeds bad breeds exist
really and horses Education
much to check evil tendencies develop good but
good thing to inherit the right proportion faculties start with
That rich who has flavor and fun in his composition
The hardest thing to get along with in this life self
sssels fellow despondng and complaining fellow timd
burdned these all eomed the inside Their
feet not limp but their thoughts do of fortune the
brink of the would gladly with dollar obtain
longer lease of life.
The Glenwood post., 1908-03-14
HAPPY DAYS or YOUTH.

Happy the whose youth the
OF who though still be cheerfu whose
hopes strong though changed who
still admire the beauties nature whose the voice
youth sounds pleasantly and children is music who
int their pleasures shass their ujoymsns with
The Glenwood post., 1908-03-14
WHEN A MssouR1AN FEELS AT HOME.

All Msourians like sit around whttle. from
Platte county visited Montana recently and found the
that such good whiting longer
he intended-Kansas City Star.
The Glenwood post., 1908-03-14

Saturday IA, 1905
WHEN A MAN is too lazy to walk mud puddle he
should be commended for bravery in walking through it
ANOTHER FAMOUS chad man obliged to take dose oil
medicine the other day. and died with his boots on All
well that ends we'll
TEMPER CONTAGIOUS, and has more right
go bad than he has to propagate
smallpox the measles.
VERIFY, IT DOES SEEM that the world growing better
recently wrapped husband in ban
ket before she horsewhpped him
CAN'T BUILD UP by abusing man in it and
forward by the live ones for the
Advancement PUSH don't knock. neghbor
HOLMES le according the Avalanche
Henry has had all these with lies and
hammer he ought to know about where to hit EN-
TEACHER who fed several of her pupils
mustard and drove tack into the of another perhaps
determined they should give evidence Of sharpness
IN ORDER TO KEEP the family in the lmeight the
papers the Thaws state of delightful
divorce No doubt things might be brought out in
the trial.
SOUTHERN EDITOR comes to the rescue OF the perpxed by
defining who always the Democratic
ticket though he has suck lemon to take the bad taste out
Of his mouth
THERE is A STRONG FEELING that Glenwood is and
has been the desirable place for the rearing of boys
girls Is this feeling well founded and if what doing to
ward remedyg
CONDITIONS ARE GROWING country
Factories their former activity and trade approach
volume There bright prospects for the future
along business channels
NOW AND THEN anarchist what is coming him.
the of the who tried kill Chief of Police Shppy
Chicago There this country for who believe in
anarchy panacea for public ills
WE ARE GLAD to know that the railroads decided
Colorado cheap tourist from the East this The
Rock Island set the and all to fall into line 1t will
much-very muchfor Glenwood Springs
EVERY TIME abuses his neghbor unnecessarily he be-
Titles himself in the eyes all him
self his estimation he has sefepect whatever We
have had altogether much of this kind abuse Glenwood
Springs
THE ONLY WAY % deluge of sweeping
the country enforce the laws The lack of
nent of law of the chief of all
compelled from day day Public sentiment is &
"CRIMEs SUCH AS the assassination of Father
ssults ndividualthy against all
Of they altar and every
law and justice her holy whence beathed the
life of the and civilized Ryan
Father Leo.
WHEN ANYONE COMPLAINS Dogenes did, that he to
search the streets at with candle find
have right to believe that his neghbor would
much difficulty himself in the
is no honest in the world himself suspicious
and will bear watching
THE TOWN BOARD of Carbondae has saloon
license $1,000 and the city dads of Rife passed
dnance closing the saloons Of that Sunday why
ordinance9 Why simply state
law An ordinance Sunday par
nance against horse stealing
THE PRESS DISPATCHES report Boulder
that nged off the whske and eyebrows of several
The Glenwood post., 1908-03-14

W. RICHARDS writes that his big advertising campaign is
going lively He has window
opposite has five win
dows filled with Genwood products and literature
engaged photo Window showing
ths policemen keeping back the sample of
tie famous Ympah This advertising
VIII result h great good to Gssweed
The Glenwood post., 1908-03-14

WHEN ANYONE COMPLAINS, Diogenes did has
search the streets at with candle find
have right to believe that his neghbor quite
much difficulty himself in the quest magine thele
no honest in the world himself suspicious
and will bear watching
Arizona republican., 1908-10-31
DIFFERENCES
 IN METHODS
(Continued from Page 1.)

years ago, and now he has all kinds of money; anyhow enough so he toured Europe once, and can tour it again if he wants to. He made the
 most of 1t out of strawberries. The other day Mir. Maxwell heard that the strawberry business had finally proved failure with Mir. Black; that he had let his patch grow up to weeds and
 most likely he would go out of the business. This was a piece of news that was important if true, and MT. Maxwell went to see Mir Black. Sure enough he found the strawberry patch all grown up to weeds and a little short lived grass that seems to be indigenous to the country where the field is plowed. Then he got MT. Blacks story.
 It was simply this, that Mir. Black knew how to raise strawberries in Arizona, and it required a different method from that followed in some other places. Some people cultivate their strawberry patches to death at the wrong time and at great expense and labor keep every weed pulled out. with the result that the crop Is light or the vines burn up in the hot weather. Mir Black does his culti- vating in the early spring, and after that about all he does is to keep them well watered. There is a science in that, too, but that phase of it is not now under discussion. When the crop begins to ripen he has all he wants to do to water the plants and market the berries.
 He encourages the weeds and grass to grow among the plants and way up above them so they are shaded from the hot sun. The Arizona soil and the water give them all the nourish- ment they want. Along in the fall when the weeds get so high they are really in the way, and after they have grown about all they want to. he mows the field with a scythe as the old-time farmer would the back yard at his home. That keeps the weeds down low enough so he can find the berries. Later on in the sea son, when the weed stubble is thor oughly dried. he waits for a nice windy day and then fires it. The fire sweeps across the patch quickly, destroying the weeds and the dead strawberry leaves, but without injury to the roots of the berry plants which the next season, spring up brighter and stronger than ever. Mir. Black is still in the berry business.
 Mir. Maxwell also heard that C. c. Chambers. another man whose straw
Arizona republican., 1908-10-31

and the republicans at the other. After an exciting contest the tug of war terminated by two republicans being dragged headlong into the canal. While this straw vote indicated a democratic majority in the younger generation it can hardly be accepted as prophetic of the outcome.
Arizona republican., 1908-10-31
WET STRAW VoTE-In or

give vent to their ebullient spirits caused by the fmminence of-the track meet with the Normals. the students of the High school yesterday indulged in a tug of war across the Salt canal with the adherents of the democratic party struggling at one end of the rope
Arizona republican., 1908-10-31
PHOENIX IS ON A BOOM.

PHOENIX IS ON A BOOM.
 Phoenix is certainly on a building boom just now. Go where you may you can see new houses or founda- tions for new houses. There have been about 90 new houses built in the Evergreen Tract in the last year, all nice ones. There are three fine Business Buildings going up on Adams St near First Ave. of the concrete style. and many of the residences are built of concrete blocks which are very beautiful. It seems, every one is trying to OutdO his neighbor by hav- ing the finest house and yard. Yes, and then, they all go to Massie & Sons to get nice furniture. THEY have the furniture to fit up your home as fine as you desire or as cheap as you like. Just received a car load of Dressers, ChiffOniers, Buffets, Side Boards and Ladies' Dressing Tables, all new and in the the Quarter Sawed, Hand Polished Goods. The finest Mission Rockers in the town. And the 9x12 Administer Rugs in the Oriental designs are marvel of beauty and price.
 They are the boys to trade with.
 MAsSIE & SONS
 114-116 w Washington St.
 Phone Main 257.
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1908-10-08
THE sHRINkAeE in BEEF.

From the Chicago Live Stock World.
High priced corn has had a very serious
effect on the marketing Of cattle this year
as is evidenced by the remarkable falling
off in receipts. AT the six principal mar
kets OF the country-Chicago, Kansas City.
Omaha, st. Louis, St. Joseph and Sioux
City--the decrease in the supply for the
first seven months OF this year is some
thing like 625, 900 head. Reduced to pounds
this IS something enormous, and almost
incomprehensible. Eliminating feeders. II
means q shortage of $50, 900, 600 pounds Of
beef. Nothing could sho more conclu-
sively the lack of consumptive interest
when the market has been stagnant un-
der these conditions. Packers have had
no end of trouble In disposing OF their
beef, even In the face Of this terrific
shrlnkage, and this causes one to wonder
what would have happened IL receipts had
been normal. In addition to this there
has been a shortage Of about 375, coo sheen
and lambs, meaning a shrtnkage Of about
100000 pounds in mutton, counting out
tie feeder class. To offset this in a meas
ure. we lave about ]. 300, 900 hogs In excess
OF last year, which would yield close to
30 00, 600 pounds of pork. Choice cattle
and choice cuts OF the best beef are stilI
high. but the common and medium beef is
as cheap as a year ago, and some Of Il
cheaper. Even this fails to stimulate he
demand. and the orsy hope is that condf-
lions viii SO improve that the outlet VIII
fit che receipts.