The Washington herald., 1908-02-02
MARIA'S MIDNIGHT LECTURES
LECTURE NO. 25.


hope youH leave those stimulants alone
and the money you save by il we can
use TO buy some new trousers for Lit
tie Haley.
"Oh. say: I've found out 100. what It
is that causes the sleping sickness. It's
crocodiles. that's what a famous scient-
ist says, and now that it's found ont
I'm not 70 let you take the children 10
the 100 any more never did see such
a sleepy-head as you are and maybe if
you keep away from the animals for a
time you may be fit 10 sit Up at nights
and indulge in some rational converse
ton You know how I just love 10
hear you talk, Job. dear, you're so
much more intelligent when you talk
than when YOU snore. but II it wasn't
for your snoring and keeping me awake
don't believe that Ia hardly remem-
Der the tones Of your voice.
4 see now that they're talking OF
making women policemen in some of
the bigger cities / wonder what il IS
they won't have women doing next I
don't just see how ladies could be regu-
lar policemen do you. especially when
IL comes 10 leap year2 Imagine lady
policeman holding up a rich man for
speeding his automobile ard saying 20
him want your name. please. The
man'd think she was proposing TO him
and would probably run away IN self
defense and then he'd have TO pay
fine for resisting an officer. / wouldn't
mind being a policeman for q time.
bet I'd make some husbands / know
get home 10 their lawful wives before
the break Of day! On you needn't
fdget. you know who I mean.
Isn't il funny what a little these
newspapers know about the blending of
c0Iors? They made quite fuss in their
headlines about Mr.. White, OF Cornell,
conferring with Gov Black. and then
they wondered thar they favored Gray.
To a swoman that would have been
just as simple.
Did YOU read those accounts Of the
Vanderbilt wedding-the one where the
rich girl married the count with a name
like a sneeze' They seemed determined
90 make as much Of ii mystery out Of f.
as possible I wanted so much 20 see
what they had for the wedding breakfast
] thought / might get some hints Tor
my next wedding Breakfast-that is. il
] ever Marie: again-whiCh God forbid,
Lors, no one could understand il at
all. According 10 the paper, Ct started
out with hors devers. whatever they
are; never tasted any; and then they
had homard. royal, although I always
understood there wasn't any royalty in
this country Then they had some
gambling dish-noisy dagnew, Monte
Carlo. Then came dish ] could under
stand-pOmmes de terres-I know
them's potatoes. cause 7 remember IL
out Of Halls French Grammar You
wouldn't think that rich people Ike
them'd eat simple potatoes for break
fast, would YOU? / know 7 wouldn't
if ! bad a lot Of money. There was
whole lot OF other things on the bill
that cant remember. on, yes. WHAT'S
chaud-froid? I've heard OF shad roe. bur
this other thing I just can't understand
But, anyhow. l shouldn't think they'd
have felt very comfortable going of
on journey after all tnat 10 eat.
would YOU?
You know. Job, I thought as women
were going to come pretty well out Of
this financial panic. but / see where
poor woman in New York lost s. no0
out OF a~hole In her stocking. Isn't it
awful 10 think about? I suppose II
was all her husbands fault. because
lie would not buy her any decent
stockings! / nope you'll take warning
by the story. Job, and see that I don't
nave 10 60 around wearing these old.
darned. lisle-threaj things Not thar
We got that much money to lose:
blt d hate 70 drop what little I've
got. That's about the only good thing
We plain people have learned from the
cnoiis girls-a safe place 20 hide
money--but now il seems that even
that isn't safe. guess III keep mine
in my waist-but, lor knows what Us
poor Women'H do when the peek-a-boo
waists come In again,
i saw an item in one Of the nsnars
saying that the gaslight had improved
throughout the city Had you noticed
II, Job? ] guess it always jmprovas
III.
man Of the Committee on District At
fairs might want 10 turn il on 70 show
that il is better than electric light
wonder IT, when the light goes I'd, the
stock goes up, too? Talking about CO.
medicines. Job. wasn't it funny that ss
soon as we heard that Senator TfIuan
was writing book an asbestos factory
burned down? / don't see what chance
book by him, just printed on pIain
paper would have to get through the
press at all
Job. please don't go to sleep. dear.
I want you 10 tell NE al about this
chiTOpr3ticism. What does it mean? Mrs.
Bruner says it means cutting peoples
corns and trimming their toe-nails. but
cant see what they want an investi-
cation about that for. do you? And
say. did YOU see where a man eloped
with his mother-in-law; another danger
for Us faithful wives I'm awful glad
M3 didn't come 10 live with us. And
tell me- Job, what do you think Of the
Chinese Emperor ordering his army Of
ficers to take horsemanship tests? Do
YOU think he's just copying our Presi-
dent or does he merely want 10 get rid
of some Of his fat mandarin officers by
retirement. I tell you. were teaching
them Orientals a lot of things.
What's that. Is that you snoring.
Job. Lands sakes, Tt does seem 10
me that you might keep awake a min
ute or two. I'm beginning to think
like that Indiana preacher, who says
that there are nineteen different kinds
OF he'll. I'll bet he never even figured
on the one Of a poor, patient enduring
wife having 10 put up with a sleepy.
no-aecount husband That's right turn
Xnur hack ON me- II he had he'd kara