The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1908-05-23

couldn't lib dat way. He'd have to buy
hoss wild Its tall bobbed of short
and kerridge wild rubber tires and
den hire somebody to drive him about,
He'd have to stop eatin' wild his knife,
use napkins to wipe his mouf, and he'd
have TO have so many hired gals in dc
house dat dey'd fall over each odder
/ Inside of month he'd have to learn to
play bridge whist and wear plug hat
and wldin six months he be a human
wreck. He couldn't stand de pace.
When de bills cum in from de grocer
and butcher he'd be knocked silly.
"Some of you seem to emagine dat
all rich man does am to walk around
wild cane and feel glad dat he am
rich. You see him ridin' out, and you
envy him. You see him In de front
pew at church. and you begrudge him.
You hear of him beln' de big 1T at a
meetin', and you abuse Providence be-
kase you are pore. You see his wife
paradin' up and down Fifth avenue.
and you want to throw bomb at her.
Trying to Figure Out Graft.
"My frens, don't you make no mis-
take on dat rich man. While he am
ridin' out he am tryin' to flgger out
how much graft de coachman and feed
man and harness maker have made
out of him In de last month, and de
total makes him so mad dat he can't
, enjoy de ride bit. While he am I'm
church tryin' to look as II he owned
de hull bizness and had suah thing
on de future he am figgerin' on how
much he has giben 1t de last year and
how much he will have to come down
de next. His wife Is smllln' of how de
butler, de housekeeper, de cook, de
parlor maids, de coachmon and de rest
of de twenty-four servants at home am
hogging down de vittles and de wines
and playin' baseball wild de rugs and
vases. A
II once knowed and envied rich
| man. When saw him swellin' around
| felt mad 'nuff to bust. When l had
to sit down to mush and milk and cold
water for dinner and knowed dat he
had fried oysters and champagne my
religun almost few outer de back doah.
1t appeared to me dat things was all
wrong and dat de only way to right
'em was to burn his house.
"One day when was workin' In de
garden and feelin' de bitterness mo-
dan usual dis rich man cum along and
walked IN on me. He was lookin' trub-
bled. and dar was tears In his eyes,
He axed me for raw turnip to eat.
He wanted to taste somethin' good and
healthy ag'in. He axed me for a drink
of plain cold water. He wanted to git
de taste of champagne outer his mouf.
| When l told him how / envied him he
sot down and drawed out n sort of
war map to prove to me dat shouldn't
Dat rich man had Indigestion.
"He owned fo' hosses, and dey was
all sick In de stables.
"He had a millyon dollars I'm bonds,
and dem bonds had gone down one
half.
/ "He had eighteen servants. and dey
was smashin' up 5000 wuth Of crock
cry week.
= "He owned a big house, but de city
| was raisln' his taxes ebery year.
HE had wife, but she was on de
| CAD so much dat lie hadn't seen her for
de last three weeks.
"He had church pew. but was pay
| In double rent on 1t.
"He had silver plate. but was
afeared Of burglars all de time.
"He had big mirrors in his house,
but dey only showed him de wrinkles
and de gray hairs.
"He had a butler. but de butler or
dered him around.
"He had chef, but de chef wouldn't
make him pumpkin pies.
"And 30 1t went from top to bottom,
and when de man had gone to bis
wretched palace stood and looked at
my humble cabin and felt all de envy
go out Of my heart. and nebber have
felt spec of 1t since.
"My frens, diop i. CT. Il out. Blow
1t away. Dar's nuthln' In it. De pore
man who am sighin' to be rich am
| simply wishin' dat he could trade off
| N anff co'p FOR N hi1 IN rhu