The Delta independent., 1908-05-29

SISK SQUARE MILES or LAKE ST. CLAIR
FLATs.
aggressive knock Of n landlord after
back rent nor yet the half hearted
knock Of his laundress come for the 81
he was owing. but yet feeling that she
would never handle penny OF It. and
at the third knock the major rose up
and opened the door. and his heart beat
again as he found n stranger there.
is this Major Crofoot's Officer was
asked
at is. Come In
''I'm looking for the Major Crofoot
that has all sorts OF good things TO in
vest in
Then you have come TO the right
place. Have a chair"
Thanks. Now. then. don't wish to
take up your valuable time. Have you
got anything good on hand? want
something perfectly safe that will re-
turn me or 10 per cent on the money"
The major began rubbing his hands
and almost gnsped for breath. An
other sucker had come along at last.
As soon as he could work up n smile
and control his voice he said:
MN ucIE ell. L ndNt XII NAN u dolth
OF the best things going. When you
speak OF or 10 per cent dividends 1t
makes me smile don't deal In such
small fish. Anything | take hold OF
must pay 80 per cent or drop It."
Good Lordr' calculated the caller as
he sat up.
Thirty per cent nj least. sir. What
would You say to stocks paying dollar
for dollar?"
Can II be possible?'
Perfectly possible. my dear sir. The
Great American Chicken Gizzard com
pany is going TO do better than that
this year The fowls are fed on chalk
and their giZzar,is thus whitened. They
are then cooked. splced and canned.
We shipped 10000 cans TO the car OF
Russia yesterday, He has no gizzard OF
his own. you know"
"And II put In thousand dollars l
get the same amount back In dividends
each year?"
There is no more stock for sale. my
dear sir. just mentioned the Giz-
zard company as sample OF my work.
There Is the Perennial Cucumber com
pany. but I'm afraid it's hardly good
enough for you. 1t won't pay over 10
per cent this year"
But I'm willing to take 40 per cent"
replied the man. Gee whlz. but what
man can nsk for more than thaty"
Every fair. very fair" loftily replied
the major. "but nothing TO brag OF. Re
Ing you have come direct TO the office.
want TO pick you out something ex.
ira. Let me see. The Universal Glass
Eye company paid co per cent divi-
dends two years ago, but last year
dropped down to 80. II will be still
less than that this year on account OF
hard times. Lots Of one eyed people
will stick patch over the eye and let
II go Mt that. II you'd come In
month ago | could have let you In on
the ground floor of the Magic Rat and
Mouse Destroyer. The stock went like
widfire. and the last was sold at 5000,
We figure II viii pay cooper cent divi'
dcnds for the next twenty years.
And ! can't get In. Thunder but
why didn't I know about it?'
Greatest Thing In World.
Greatest thing In the world, my
dear sir. II Is II trap that goes to the
grocery and buys the cheese to bait It.
self and then comes home aud follows
rats and mice into their holes to catch
them, Keeps Its own tally and burles
Its own dead. Senator Foraker said
he would rather he the Inventor OF that
trap than TO be president of the United
States"
"But you must have something for
me-" Insisted the caller In anxious
tones
LET me SEQ, Let mo see, Humph,