Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1908-08-21

~0NNO~~o~~-o-~-~-
Editor Tin daily office) Say, Buck,
nave you read my last editorial? "I
hope So" was the crusty reply.-Minne-
haha.
The Indignant One-The idea of IN
a-telling me 'ow children ought to be
fed! Why, I've buried ten O. my own |!
The Taller.
Boy-Sixpen'orth O. cod liver oil,
please, sir. An, l say, don't give me
too much, COS it's me what's got to
drink it.-Punch.
Smawley-Do you believe that money
talks? Ardupp-You bet l do. l no
sooner get my hands on a dollar than
1t says "Good-by."
Pat-Are We engaged to Mike Dooley?
Biddy-Faith, an I'm not. Are We
after wantin' me? Pat-Not unless
can't git ye.-Peola Advocate.
Dick-Money doesn't always bring
happiness and peace of mind' Bob
(anxiously)-You are right; some
times it tempts you to buy automobiles.
biles.
Visitor-Well, Carrie, what do you
think of your new baby brother? Car
RE (aged four)-Oh, l don't think
much Of him. Why, he can't even speak
English yet.
Did you say the prisoner hit the
plaintiff between the court house and
the postoffice?' NO. l didn't. l said
he hit him between the eyes "-Balti-
more American.
| Nell-She admits that she is terribly
disappointed in her husband. Belle
How is that? Nell-She married him
to reform him, and now she finds he
doesn't need it.-Philadelphia Record.
my hair is falling out" admitted
the timid man in a drug store. Can
you recommend something to keep it
inT Certainly" replied the obliging
clerk. Get a box. ox."-Lippincott's Mag
| qZine.
Teacher-You have named all domes.
tic animals save one. 1t has bristly
hair, it is grimy, likes dirt, and is
| fond of mud. Well, Tom? Tom
(shamefacedly)- y)-That's me-Chicago
Tribune.
do you know that your chickens
come over into my garden?" II
thought they must be doing that"
why did you think So" Because
they never come back Cleveland
Leader.
you should never take anything
that doesn't agree with you," the ply
sician told Mr.. Marks. "If l had al
ways followed that rule, Marie" he
remarked to his wife, "where would
rou be?"
Ascum-How on earth did you ever
get a messenger boy to deliver your
note and bring back the answer so
quick? Wise-I took his dime novel
away from him and held it as security
Philadelphia Press.
Mrs. Jones-Good gracious, Mrs.
Brown, why is your husband going
| through all those strange actions? Is
he training for prize-fght? Mrs
Brown-Not at all; he's merely getting
in form to beat the carpets.-Ilarper's
Weekly.
New Clerk-I notice some of these
barrels of apples are marked Y and
some Y. Are they different kinds?
Dealer-No; same kind, but differently
packed. Some customers want n bar
rel opened at the bottom and some at
the top.
Wife-I'm actually ashamed to 60
to church with this old hat on. 1t isn't
up-to-date at all. Husband-Is the
cook going to church this morning?
Wife-No; l think not. Husband
Then why, not borrow hers? -Phila-
1elphia Inquirer.
Miss Rattle-Yes, that's a photo OF
my maiden aunt Perhaps you saw
her name in the papers last winter?
She frightened away burglar. Mrs.
Winkler CLOSELY inspecting the por-
trait)-Did she? Well, | don't Won
der at it.-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Mr.. Justcott-Why, what are you
crying about, dear? Mrs. Justcott-
Oh, George! mice have got into the
pantry and eaten up beautiful GUS
tard pie l made myself Mr.. Justcott
There, there! Don't cry over n few
little mice Western Christian Advo-
cate.
But" cried Miss Woodby, lndlg'
nantly, "since l declare to you that
the joke is original with me, isn't it
impudent of you to doubt it?' "Not
at ALL" replied Mr.. Chesterfield; II
should be still more impudent and un-
gallant to believe you that old."-Phll-
Ndephia Press