davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-14
MERELY JOKING.
The Looney's jest.

The Looney's jest.
you are sure you are Of sound mind
now?" they asked the asylum inmate.
"Desn,t the fact that I'm crazy to get out
or course, this won him his freedom
Philadelphia Ledger.
Which knocked Out Fishing.
Bill: ..You say he never goes fishing on
sunday?"
The Modern Cincinnntus::
.He did pretty well FOR city man."
AS to how?"
leaning lingo on his lawn NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
Bulletin.
Meant Immersed.
30 you come to Sunday school volun,,
tarlly or because you are coerced?" asked
tho pretty teacher.
voluntarily. guess" replied little Edgar.
~ thought they only had to ret coerced II
they was Baptists.-Chicaso Record-Her-
ala
The Inference.
Il once wrote my name OF an css."
YES; two years later"
From an actor. eh?"--Washinston Her
aid.
The Social Line.
First Germ: What are those two bacilli
quarreling about?"
second Germ: why. one is Boosting that
he grew on the edge of a tumbler In a
sleeping car While the other was propagated
on the brim OF lineup in day COACH
Chicago News.
Warned.
could you give starving woman work."
yes: but must tell you that we have
five children"
..Thanks III keep on starving.'-Hous-
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-14
INSULTS FOR THE T1MEs-D1spArcH.

T Under the heading New Enterprise in
Big Richmond" we note where the
Virginia Blower and Manuf fac ann.s
believe there Is room in Richmond for an
other big BLOWER; unless. of course, The
Times Dispatch has quite business In the
past twenty four hours.--Washington Herald.
Come to think OF it, 1t would be pretty
hard for William Waldorf Aston to do any,
thing that would irritate this country much,
says tho Richmond Times Dispatch. What
Is to prevent him from coming back Just
any day?-Bristoi Herad-courier
The Mayor of Timpson, Tex. who was
reported to be getting 81 a year. is In re-
ality getting s. month. according TO me
Richmond Times Dispatch. Which, OF
course. makes the office just twelve times
as desirable as we thought it was.-Wash-
ipgton Post.
The genius who presises over the para
graph department of tho Richmond Times
Dispatch has reached tlG conclusion thai
the case Of . man SIS to break his neck in
reaching under a Merry Widow hat to kiss
one OF the little star-eyed blondes OF Royal
news that he will shuttle off his mortal coil
in that manner.--Knoxville Tribune.
private letter from Virginia informs us
that the relations between Richmond and
Norfolk are apt to become exceedingly un-
pleasant Each city is ambitious to be
KNOWN as the t1OuStou "a ~ 6tHlu. -IiouS-
TON Post. Wrong again. The little trouble
alcse from d paragraph in The Times Dis
patch referring to Norfolk as The Houston
OF Virginia" And we handed back the be-
lifting epsthet with scorn.-Norfok Virgin
ian-Pilot
Noting that Tom Watson has not yet
been notified OF his nomination by the Popu
lists. the Richmond Times-Dispacht thinks
1t is because the committee, wishing to
avoid two trips to Thomson. Ca is hold
Ing OFF till Tom is elected" This looks as if
tile committee We're trying to de-step
Thomson observation-disclosures Herald.
a man from the State OF Washington
went crazy the other day while travelling
through Missouri on fast train. People
can't be too careful what States they travel
through in these days.-Richmond Times
Dispatch. We wonder II he was going to-
ward or away from Kansas.-Radford Adj
vance Over which remarks both Missouri
and Kansas will doubtless disclose state
OF observation-disclosures City Post.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-14

We herewith warn all out-of-town
admirers that the native lovers OF the
little star-eyed blondes Of rtichmond
simply Will not stand for parlor social
ism
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-14

II nothing in this country appeals to
Mr. Roosevelt after his retirement from
the Whitehouse, there is little doubt
that the Russian bureaucracy could hnd
u snug berth for him.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-14

If those Seattle men who cannot kiss
their large hated sweethearts without
breaking their necks Will run on for a
week OF two, the Richmond men Will
be glad to give them few elementary
lessons.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-14
Who Is Our "0rand Old sIunto

Editor Of The Times -Dlspatch:
sir.-Whilc looking ut reproduc-
ton OF the recent photographs OF Sem
ators Allison and Dolliver, of Iowa,
IN q magazine, I noted the fact that
the former is called the grand old man
that Virginia Is ENTITLED to a grand
old man." SO respectfully submit that
nominations are In order.
Yours very truly,
FRANK MONROE BEVERLY.
Freezing, Va.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-14

We take 1t for granted that the fire
Insurance companies have not sailed
away much OF q pile In the past six
weeks.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-14
Rhymes for TO-DAY
IN DARKEST EGYPT.
KNEW a girl IN Assouam,

I KNEW a girl In Assouam,
And when i went to call,
= We'd either stroll out by the dam
Or anywhere at all.
studied Assouam while
And learned her dark strange talk,
And OH, how pretty was the smile
She Ger wore out to walk!
And some days we would sit on gates
: And laugh and talk n lot
And some days we would gather dates
And some days we would not.
Again. we'd camel of till S
With Haroun Abdul Child.
And when we didn't do that, I've
Forgotten what we did.
one day when we two swan around
The waters near the dam,
A crocodile dashed out, renowned
Through all of Assouam.
She wore, as have said. a smile,
But now--what rights befall!
He seized her. two leagues UP the Nile.
And ate her, smile and all.
ran away with many shout
And Skinned the nearest pam;
And now rarely stroll about
The dam Of Assouam. Fl. S. II.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-14
Fools and Their Money.
Unusual View.

The primary plan will continue to sta,
icnG after the Roanoke convention. and thi
despite the fact that few care whether &
secs or Observation-Disclosures Free Lance
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-14
Warned.

could you give starving woman work?"
yes; but l must tell you that we have
five children"
THANKS. I'll keep on starvins"-Hous-
ton Chronicle.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-14

The Mayor Of Timpson, Tex. who was
reported to be getting 81 year. is in re-
ality getting 81 month. according to the
Richmond Tmes-Dspatch. Which,. OF
course makes the office just twelve times
as desirable as we thought it was.-Wash-
tpn
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1908-05-14

The total shipment of gunny bags and
yards of Hessian cloth last year from Call
cutta was 359,146,15o and s2s9o1, 200. re-
iIal
The Press., 1908-03-25
THE MONEY QUESTION.
An Inquisitive Younsster and an In.
..t. oenious Father. ....

An Inquisitive Younsster and an In.
.-... eenious Father. ...s
Papa" began Gunston Junior, when
the government of the United States
began to coin gold and silver money
1t was necessary to buy the gold and
silver, wasn't it?'' <@E-~.. @"
Yes, my son. replied Gunston SEN
Tor rather cautiously 49,, g..
"Of course, papa resumed the
youngster, you'll be able to tell me
where the government got the money
to buy the gold and silver"
"Why-er-of course" stammered
Gunston senior as he put down the pa
per and gazed thoughtfully at the boy
NOW, let me understand you. The
government wanted to coin money, and
In order to do so it was necessary to
purchase gold and silver. You want
to know where the government got
the money to buy the gold and silver?"
That's right" chuckled Gunston
Junior gleefully, and great joy filed
his being as he thought of his all i'm
portant sire struggling with the simple
question.
"Why. sonny, the government simply
issued dollar bills and bought gold and
silver with them. Anything else?"
Yes said Gunston Junior. where
did the government get money to buy
paper for the dollar bills ?'-Harper'S
Weekly.
The Press., 1908-03-25
PeriIous BOATING.

On the west coast of Ireland. near
the mouth of the river Shannon. are
several large sea caves which open
into each other. The visitor seems to
be floating through q submarine palace
of many halls whose roofs are either
as green as grass in the sun or blood
red. But the visitor needs a good
guide and good boatman. for the sea
is tnsidious and the labyrinth of caves
intricate. On one occasion. writes Au-
brey de We're in his "RecoIlections,"
soon after a party had entered the
boatman suddenly shouted, Bend
down your heads for your nvesr'
No one saw any danger, but the
boatman felt the placid water insensl-
bly, rising and knew that the tide had
turned. At last the visitors knew this,
too, for it was not until the boat had
assembled within a few inches of the
roof that it began to descend.
Pull your best!' exclaimed the man
at the helm. "If the second wave
reaches US. we are lostv' But before
the second wave reached the cave the
boat had issued from it's mouth.
The Press., 1908-03-25
Move About a Little,

There is something impressive in tie
story of lifetime of persistent toll
But there is another point of view
which deserves respect. The gadabout
may be a useless member OF society,
but the stay at home is likely to be
narrow one. We find ourselves on this
little planet, with it's oceans and noun
tRins and mighty rivers and wide prni-
ries. We know not whence we came
nor If we shall ever pass this way
again. Surely we may do our task bet.
ter in our own appointed place II we
look about the world, feed our minds
with the glOries OF nature and discov-
er how men and women before US have
lived their lives and embodied their as
pirations in the great arts Of building
and painting and sculpture. The wheat
field and the ledger and the cooking
stove are facts Of human life, but so
are the Cologne cathedral. the Sistine
Madonna, the Canadian Rockies and
the valley OF the Yellowstone
The Press., 1908-03-25
STORIES OF TENNYsoN.
Showing Some of the Odd Ways Of the
Famous Poet

gdH1SuS TCSCf
In the memoirs of the late William
dillingham;. the English poet, appear
some interesting "reminiscences of Ten
nyson. Allingham's first sight of him
was at Twickenham, where Tennyson
was then living. He says: ''Soon came
in tall, broad shouldered, swarthy
man, slightly STOPPING. with loose dark
hair and beard. He wore spectacles
and was obviously very nearsighted.
Hollow cheeks and the dark pallor of
his skin gave him an unhealthy appear.
ance. He was a strange and almost
spectral figure. The great man peered
close at me and then shook hands cor
daily, yet with profound quietude
of manner. He was then about forty
one, but looked much older"
In 1886 Allingham visited TennysOn
at the latter's home, Farringford, in
Freshwater, Isle of Wight One morn
ing they were talking on the downs to-
gether, and Allingham said that he felt
happy. Tennyson said gloomily, I'm
not at all happy-very unhappy" The
reason, as TennysOn afterward explail-
ed, for his particular unhappiness was
his uncertainty regarding the condition
and destiny of man. Allingham was
very anxious to photograph him on
this visit, but Tennyson positively re-
fused. You make bags under my
eyes, he said
At another time during this visit, as
Allingham writes, they talked OF
dreams. "Tennyson said: In my boy
hood had intuitions of immortality
inexpresstble. l have never been able
to express them. l shall try some day
said that |, too, had felt something
of that kind, whereat Tennyson, being
in one of his less amiable moods,
growled: I don't believe you have.
You say it out of rivalry"
Allingham describes Tennyson's fond
ness for strange antics, such as jump.
ing round and round like pigeon, and
adds, HE is the only person ever saw
who can do the most ludicrous things
without any loss of dignity"
The Press., 1908-03-25
An Excellent Waitress.

Nurses in training have many hard
ships to bear, but perhaps none is
worse than having to appear cheerful
under all conditions. sense of hu-
NOR is perhaps as great an asset as a
nurse can have, for it will help her
over many difficulty.
The daughter Of a wealthy man be-
came imbued with the desire to know
how to earn her own living. and to
that end she entered one of the large
New York hospitals as a nurse. The
work was to her liking. and as she
looked on the bright side of everything
she was generally in happy frame Of
mind. Her particular pet was an
old and illiterate sea captain who was
In the surgical ward with a broken
arm which would not knit. He was q
cheerful old fellow, and his droll re-
marks gained for him the good will Of
everybody. One day when the nurse
had paid him some little attention he
said, with an appreciative smile:
"Miss l.. is the best waitress ! ever
hadr'-New York Times.
The Press., 1908-03-25
THE HORSE WON.
Beat the First Locomotive on the q,
and O. Road.

and O. Road.
The first locoO olive on the Baltimore
and Ohio had sails attached. So did
the cars. These sails were hoisted
when the wind was in the right direc-
ton so as to help the locomotive.
The rivalry between the railroads
using locomotives and those using
horses was very bitter In August,
1880, an actual trial of speed was held
between a horse and one of the pioneer
locomotives, which did not result in
favor of the locomotive. The race was
on the Baltimore and Ohio, the locomo
tive being one built by Peter Cooper,
who also acted as engineer.
The horse, gallant gray, was in the
habit Of pulling car on a track par
allel to that used by the locomotive.
At first the gray had the better Of the
race, but when he was Il quarter of
mile ahead Mr.. Cooper succeeded in
getting up enough steam to pass the
horse amid terrific applause.
At that moment a band slipped from
a pulley, and. though Mr.. Cooper lacer-
ated his hands trying to replace it, the
engine stopped and the horse passed it
and came in the winner."-Van Nor
den Magazine.
The Press., 1908-03-25
LYDIA pARRAcH.
Loxley House, Philadelphia, Whers
She Played Eavesdropper.

6oxIey House, Philadelphia, Where
She Played Eavesdropper.
One of the favorite stories connected
with the Revolution is the tale Of
Lydia barracks patriotism, which
story, like others of similar import, has
been discredited by the discriminating
historian notwithstanding the cold
douche thrown upon the tradition it re-
mains popular with all who know it.
The house where the famous caves.
dropping on the part of the Quakeress
took place is not so we'll known.
Those who have heard or read the
story of Mrs. Darrach hardly need to
be informed that she and her husband
lived in what was called the Loxley
house, once at the southeast corner of
Little Dock and Second streets. Little
Dock was the thoroughfare which runs
In a southwestern direction from Dock
street to Second street. The ground
upon which the Loxley house stood
was acquired by Benjamin Loxley, a
well to do carpenter, who owned prac-
tically whole square in this vicinity,
from George Clymer In April, 1859, and
the queer little house was erected i'm
mediately. 1t was speculation, for
there Is nothing to show that the own
err ever lived there.
The house gained Its fame from it's
peculiar facade. which was unlike any
thing In the city. and from the anec-
dote which connects Mrs. Darrach
with the place. The great preacher
Whitetleld In said to have addressed
the multitudes from the balcony on
either his sixth or seventh visit To this
country--lT83 or 1850.
The Revolution had long since been
over and most of the patriots IN their
graves before the tale OF Mrs. Oar
rach's bold adventure. which IL bellev-
ed to have saved Washington and his
army from capture by the British, be-
came known In the first number Of
the first volume Of the American Quar-
terly Review, issued In March, 1927,
the tale was told for the first time.
There 1t is credited to Gardens Anec-
dotes Of the American Revolution
The author of the story in the Amer
lean Quarterly Review, however, must
have had access to Major Gardens
manuscript, for the story was not
published in his book until the second
series was issued in the latter part Of
the year 1S28.-Philadelphi Ledger.
The Press., 1908-03-25
Tax Collectors Nokice.

Notice is hereby given to all persons liable to
pay taxes; property, poll and military in the
Town of Mansfield on the ak list of 1907 that !
viii meet all such tax payers, to receive said
taxes as follows: At the store of Roland l..
SQuire's, at Morrow, on Monday, March g. from
10 o'clock a. m. to II o'clock q. m. at the store
OF Martin Hansen, at Mansfield Depot on said
day, from IL O'Clock m. to O'Clock p. m at the
store OF +. o VntOn, in Eagleville, from O'Clock
p. m. to O'Clock p. M; at the store at Mansfield
Four corners, on Tuesday, March "a. from 10
O'Clock a N. to II o'clock q; m; at Il. " Beehe's
store. in StOrrS, from 10 o'clock m. to O'Clock D.
M; at Town clerks once, Spring Hill, from 8
o'clock p. m. to O'Clock p. m. at the store OF
B. .. Moore. at Mount Hope, Thursday. March
&C. from 10 o'clock q. m. to II O'Clock q. m at
the store of E. Sumner, Gurleyvtlle, from
O'c. ock p. M to O'Clock p M; at the store OF
A. b. Shippee. at AtwoOdville, on Friday, March
q, from 10 o'clock a.. m. to IL O'Clock g. m. at
the store of Alfred Oden. Mansfield Center, from
o'clock p. m. to O'Clock p m and at my resi-.
dence at all other times. ON all taxes remain
Ing unpaid one month after legal notice interest
will be collect ed at the rate or (9 per cent un-
til all are paid, toget her with all charges.
section 1886 Revised statutes: Taxes shall be
deemed to become due on the first day on which
the collector thereof according to the terms of
the notice given by him shall De ready 10 receive
theml
section 1888 Revised Statutes: Noted by the
Town Oct. z, 1907, that the Selectmen be In
strucCed to publish the names OF all delinQ tent
tax payers and amounts due Sept 1, following
the date when due.
JAMES C. GREEN, Collector Of Taxes for the
Town of Mansfield.
Dated at Mansfield this 25th day OF February,
1903.
The Press., 1908-03-25
Tax Collectors Notice.

Notice Is hereby given that a town tax on
property in the town OF Holland OF per cent. on
dollar, laid on lists of 1907, will be due and pay
able on the first day of April, 1908 The under
signed having been duly and legally appointed
collector of taxes for said town of Tolland on
said list of 1907 notice is hereby given that 1
will be at the Town Hall In said town on Mon
day, April 9th, 1908, Monday, April 18th. and
Monday, April 10th, from 10 O'Clock a. m. until 4
o'clock p. M, for the purpose of receiving said
taxes.
All taxes remaining unpaid April 80, 1908, will
be- subject to interest at the rate of per cent.
per annum, and all legal charges.
NATHAN o WARD, Collector OF Taxes.
TOlland, Conn.,, March 12, 1908.
The Press., 1908-03-25
Died.

Died.
Whereas, by the death of Sister Julia
Howard, Mashapaug Lake Grange has
lost true and honored member, who,
by her thoughtful interest in the welfare
of others, her winning personality and
her beautiful life, had endeared herself
to all.
. Resolved, that the charter of the
Grange be draped in mourning for thirty
days, that these resolutions be published
in our local paper, and placed upon our
to the family of our deceased sister as a
testimonial of the esteem and affection
in which she was held by US, and of our
sym pathy for them in their bereavem emit.
GEO. TowNE,
JOSIE B. TONNE, Committee.
ELLA G. BARRows,)
Union, March Is, 1905
The Press., 1908-03-25
Collectors Notice,
Town of Stafford.

II persons liable to pay taxes in the Town OF
Stafford are hereby notified that have received
rate bill and warrant to levy: and collect a
town tax of twenty mills on the dollar, on list
OF 1907 Also military and poll tax, and that
said taxes are due March goth, 1908, and for the
purpose Of receiving the same will be at T. NJ,
Lyons store, StafTordville, on Thursday, April
9th from 10 a. m. until p. M; at Geo. M. Bar
lows store, West Stafford, on Monday, April 18th
from 10 a. m. until p. M; at Hugh M. jenkins
Store, 81 AFFORD Hollow, on Tuesday April 18th
from 10 a. M. until 2 p at the ONCE OF
Robert H. Fisk, attorney at law. STAFFORD
Springs, on Thursday, April 10th, Saturday
April 18th, Monday, April 10th from a. m. until
3p.m After April Goth interest at per cent,
per annum and legal fees must be charged.
MARC B. HATCH, Collector,
STAFFORD, Conn, March 18th, 1905
The Press., 1908-03-25
ATa Court of Probate holden at stat

a r Court of Probate holden at Stat.
"A ford, within and for the district of STAFFORD,
on the 95th day of March, A. ID. 1908.
Present, MARCUS B. FISK, Judge
On motion of the executors ON the estate OF
William A. Comins, late OF stafford within said
district deceased.
1t is ordered by this court, that notice shall
be given that the administration account in
said estate will be exhibited for settlement at
the Probate once in said district, on the sd day
of April, 1908, at 10 O'Clock, forenoon, by
posting a copy of this order ON the public
sign post In said town OF stafford. and by adj
vertis1ng the same in newspaper published in
and having a circulation in said dis
trict. Attest. MARCUS B. FISK Judge
The Press., 1908-03-25
LEWIS MCLAUGHLIN. PUBLISHER.
$3.50 year. II paid strictly In advance, 81 =

$3.50 year. II paid strictly In advance, 81 rs
Resolutions, obituaries or cards OF thanks In
serted at one-haf advertising rates. Births
marriages and deaths inserted free. Communl-
catit rs received Without signature always TOM
mitted to the waste basket without attention.
This paper is mailed regularly 60 Its subj CRIB
eB until DEFINITE order TO discontinue III re-
Oeived and all arrears are paid in full.
THIS Paper and The Connecticut Courant
semi-weeklyl furnished fer sa.15 per year in adj
vance.
We are not responsible for, nor do we BY pub
lishing, endorse the opinions OF our correspond
ents.
The Press., 1908-03-25
A 2 Court of Probate holden at Stat.

A q a Court of Probate holden at Stat
N ford, within and for the district of STAFFORD
on the Gath day of March, A. ID. 1908.
Present. MARCUS b. FISK, Judge.
On motion OF the administrators on the estat1
OF Caroline +. Hyde. late Of STAFFORD vii hin satC
district, deceased -.
Il is ordered by this court. that notice shall b.
given that the admintStl alton account in salt
es'a'e will be exhibited for settlement at thu
Probate Office III said district, on the Cd da!
of April. 1908 at o'clock p M, by posting
copy OF This order on the public sign post ii
said town OF Stafford, and by advertising thu
same In a newspaper published in Stafford, ant
having a circulation In said district.
Attest, MARCUS b. FISK, Judge.
The Press., 1908-03-25

The new amendment to the postal
laws, which forbids the sending Of
weekly newspapers to subscribers who
are in arrears of one year or more by
second class mail, goes into effect
April 1st. The postmAsters will have
power to examine the subscription
lists OF all newspapers and cause to
be stricken from the list all who are
not subscribers to the paper according
to the ruling.
The Press., 1908-03-25
Wrestling With English In Japan.


According to a foreign paper. the
following example of Japanese prof.
cheney in the use of the English Ian
guage was found in an advertisement
In case Of towels received in Can
ton: II know you are acknowledge the
Towel made in Japan are more con
venience in using, and longer in exist
ence than the Towel in Europe. Late
ly. however, the crafty merchants
cheats the customers by making it
change from light and coarse texture
to heavy and fine by using paste, in
deed these are most audaciOus manne.
I was strike on this point, therefore
for the sake of avoiding the small in
terests and wishing to continue the
sale for ever endea vored to select the
materials, to deduce the prices. and the
dyes not total till the Towel get bro
ken. Wishing the reputation should be
raised like the height of the mount
Full, l named 1t 'fugp brand. Lastly
beg humbly that ladies and gentlemen
should buy 1t at everywhere bewaring
of the trade mark Mount Fugi.'"