davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04
A Colored Mans Grafton.

Many stories have been told Of the
ludicrous mistakes Of negro orators
Here is one for which Governor Claude
Swanson of Virginia is responsible:
In a small Virginia town a pompous
negro was delivering a Fourth Of July
address to an audience of colored folks,
He said:
"My colored fellow citizens. we have
occasion to be proud Of the Fourth OF
July. 1t was on the Fourth Of July,
1896, that Christopher Columbus land.
ed on Plymouth rock and proclaimed
freedom, liberty and independence t.
all mankind. And what was they do.
ing down here in Virginy at that time:
They had their feet on the black mans
neck a-hollnrin', Sick senter tyranni
bus"
MY colored fellow citizens, this is a
great country. 1t is the proudest M.
ton the sun ever shine upon. But ii
these Dimmercrats git into power here
they'll DO like they done in Rome
Look at Rome. once the proud master
Of the land and the mistress Of the
sea. with her once proud citizens
which was Caesar. Olympus, Demos
themes and others too numerous t.
mention. Then these Dimmercrats got
into power there, and what is she to.
day? Overrun by Greeks, Canadians
and other savages.'-Minneapolis Jour.
nal,
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04
AUTOMATIC STOKER

of each magazine is a hopper to which
the coal is fed either by the fireman Oh
by chutes leading from the bottom of
coal bins overhead. After the coal is
placed in the hoppers it is conveyed
into the furnace by what are termed
c%onveyors. the number depending on
the depth of furnace. These %conveyors
osci!!ate about Il shaft and work alter.
natcly-that is, while Il is moving M
u other is moving down.
The converors are set so that each
succeeding one will take a certain pro-
portion of the coal conveyed to it, leav-
ing the remainder to be pushed to the
Ere surface. This proportion is con
slant. no matter how fast or how slow
the coal is fed. The portion of the coal
in the course Of being pushed to the
fire surface is gradually heated and
ignited and thereby formed into coke.
The process, being continuous, heaps up
the formed coke above the magazine,
which, partly through gravity and part
ly through the action of the c%onveyors,
falls to the inclining CRATES on the
sides and is gradually worked to the
center and sides of the furnace. The
continuous oscillating motion Of the
%conveyors gives Il breathing motion to
the fire bed, keeping 1t open and free
for the circulation Of air and doing
away with the slice bar.
The principle of feeding the coal con
tinuously into the furnace below and
the lifting effect of the conveyors does
away with the opening of the furnace
doors for firing and slicing Of fires.
This the boiler and furnace from
the Objectionable thrush of cold air and
therefore eliminates smoke and de-
structive gases and maintains Il uni
form condition in the furnace and boil
er.-Engineering Magazine.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04
An Electric Rat Killer.

An electric rat killer is the latest
means designed for Strengthening 70.
dents. Recently it was tried in Triest,
France, and it is claimed that it pro.
duccd good results.
The killer is made so that it car
be lowered into drains and other in
Tested places. 1t consists Of Il shallow
tray, with Il bottom lined with closely
spaced metal points alternately con
necteu to the positive ana negative ter
minals of 4 high tension electric cir
cult. The animals are promptly cleo.
trocuted as they step on the points in
attempting to reach the bait. The ap
paratus destroys only rats and similar
vermin. and it is affirmed that there
Is no risk to cats and other domestic
animals.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04
Caught on the Rebound.

John, dear" said Mrs. Skimpem as
she poured the coffee at the breakfast
table, IF l remember rightly, you have
often said you disliked to see a woman
constantly getting herself into print"
That's right" rejoined Skimpem.
you consider it indicate and un-
womanly, don't your
II certainly do"
"And you don't think a sensible man
would allow his wife to do anything
like that?"
Most ass,lredly not"
well, John. I'm glad you have such
radical views IN the subject, because
they Justify me in asking you for a
new silk Dress"
"W-what?"
"You heard what l said, John. For
the last five years I've had nothing
but bargain counter calico, and TIM
tired of getting into print"
And what could poor John do?-Chi-
cago News.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04
SHE WAS NO HAS-BEEN.
Why the Little Old Woman Rca4 ri !
Smokinc Car

" wv Nh-a~ u =
Smoking Car
"Mulum." said the brakeman rs the
train stopped ut Il little village station
ana u little old woman started to en-
Ter the smoking car. the car back is
the one you want"
How do you know" she tavtly
asked.
"Beca,,se this is the smoking car
h pushed past him and climbed
up the steps. and after taking a seat
she pulled out and filled a pipe, struck
Il match on the sole of her shoe. and
after drawing Il few puffs she said to
Il man smoking a cigar across the
aisle:
THAT young Teller out there don't
know half as much as he thinks he
does"
"11ow so!" was asked.
HE took me for an old woman that
had never rode on the cars before and
told me this was the smoking car"
"And you wanted this carr"
"Why, l never ride in any other
not unless my pipe is broke, my to-
bacco all out and none O. you men
folks will lend me a cigar."-Chicago
News.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04
Lively Times
For Mark Twain
His Move to a New Home
and His Visitation by Bur-
Glars The Laugh on the
Thieves. y >

"HESE are lively times for Sam
uel L. Clemens, or, as he is
generally called, Mark Twain.
He has been moving, the news
papers have been printing reports that
his daughter, Miss Clara Clemens, is
to be married and, last. but not least,
he has had a visit from burglars.
Most people would find it difficult to
maintain a serene frame Of mind un-
der such circumstances, especially aft
er a visitation from housebreakers and
the theft Of several hundred dollars
worth Of silverware. Not so our old
friend Mark. 1t is a serious situation.
indeed, In which he cannot see a joke.
After the departure Of the thieves with
a bag Of articles p~urloined from the
dining room he expressed his regret
that they had not eel 1T to call on
him while visiting his new and beau
tiful Italian villa, as he would have
been poeased to have them sample his
Old Scotch whisky, n bottle Of which
stood by his bedside at that very
time. Mr.. Clemens, who claims to be
a special friend Of burglars, there be-
ing % many literary thieves in his
own profession, consoled himself for
the slight inflicted upon him by the
swift fingered gentry who went away
without paying their respects by post
ing on the front door Of the villa a
guide for future visitors Of that kind.
which read rs follows:
Notice to the Next Burglar:
There Is nothing but plated ware in this
house now and henceforth. You will find
IL in that brass thing in the dining room
over the corner by the basket Of kittens.
II you want the basket. put the kittens In
the brass thing. Do not make a noise.
1t disturbs the family. You will find
rubbers in the front hall by that thing
which has the umbrellas in it-chiffonier
! think they call it or pergola or some
thing like that. Please close the door.
Yours truly. s. l.. CLEMENS.
1t takes a pretty good man to get
the best of a humorist like Mark
Twain. To begin with, he had pre-.
pared for just such unexpected guests
as those who by prying open a window
entered his dining room recently with.
out his permission. He left his most
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04
A. HEAT0N ROBERTSON.
His Nomination For Governor Of Con
necticut and q Convention Episode.

His Nomination For Governor Of Con.
neeticut and a Convention Episode.
I'D rather be a happy dad than a
successful governor"
This remark, made by Ex-Governor
Tom Waller Of Connecticut, explains
why he STAYED off the stampede in his
favor in the Democratic state conven
tion. He refused the nomination that
he might not embarrass his son,
Charles, who is a Republican and a
candidate for appointment by Repub-
leans to Office. II had to do it for my
boy" the ex governor said privately to
his friends.
When his boom first became prolni-
nent Mr.. Waller sought to kill it by
public announcements that he had
twice bolted Bryan. When this failed
he reiterated again and again that he
would not take the nomination. Nev-
crthelcSs when he entered the convcn
ton hall men on the floor and in the
galleries lcaped to their feet In a tn
mutt of applause. -Four times the ex,
governor tried to lead cheers for Bry-
AH, Out uc wis oNtIN lCiIiitu Dy SHOUTS
Of waller, Wallcr,!' He saved him
self only ny Il most eloquent plea for
exemption. concluding by placing
Judge \. Heaton Robertson of New
Haven in nomination.
Charles Waller, the son, is Il former
state senator from New London. He
Is at present Il judge of the court of
common pleas and will come up for
reappointment under the next govern
or. AS n Democrat MI. Waller, If
elected, would be forced to appoint a
Democrat and thus block the progress
Of his Raguh1lcs1 son, IN whose ca
reer be talk@ great pride.
Judge RuoeStson, who received the
n0miqation for governor on being
named for the pence by Ex-Governor
Waller. was the nominee four years
ago. Although he was beaten by over
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04
Where Ozone Comes From.

The formation of ozone in the air
has been traced by Hcnriet and Bonys-
scy to ultra violet solar rays at great
attitudes. 1t increases when the car.
bon dioXide falls below the normal
amount and is therefore supposed to
be brought from the upper air-where
carbon dioxide is lacking-by wind and
rain. Some oZon however. is formed
eve in lower strata by solar radiation
in clear weather. The maximum ozone
IS present when the wind is west and
southwest and the minimum with an
east wind.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04
ARK TWAIN AND HIS NEW HOME AT RED.
DING, CON-

0AttA TWAIN AND HIS NEW HOME AT RED
DING. o
valuable silverware in a safe deposit
vault in New York when he moved
from his home in Fifth avenue to his
villa at Redding. Conn. The burglars
got about $500 worth Of booty, but
everything was finally recovered, as
they We're captured. by the humorist's
neighbors. led by Sheriff Banks and
Harry Lounsbury. Mr.. Clemens really
lost nothing through the visitation,
while he gained considerable. lie
added to his experience that Of know
ing how it feels to have ones house
robbed and learned how to take every
thing calmly while others are tele.
phoning. scurrying round the country
shooting off firearms and getting into
a mixup generally. For there was Il
lot of fighting before the invaders OF
Mr.. Clemens home gave up and &C
knowledged that they were 'all in
One OF the burglars got the contents
Of the shcritf's pistol, while the sheriff
himself got nippcd by a bullet from
s"S VA Tx lulSl III lilS IL
battle on the train. which the robber.
had taken in the hope Of escaping t,
New York with their plumber.
There is Il warning to all foolish an,
dishonest intrudevs in the name whicl
Mr.. Clemens has given to the home h,
has built for himself anon the Con
nect1cut hills. He calls it innocent.
Mt Home" in loving and respectful
memory of his "l]nnocentS Abroad.
But any II who presu,nes upon thi,
name to violate the privacy of the an
thor's home or in alty way to impos,
upon his supposed Innocence an,
good nature will be likely to depart .
sadder and n wiser man.
lnnocents at Home has become tn,
show place of the village of Reddiu.
1t is in the Tuscan style and is a reu
lica Of the villa in which the autho
lived at La Querica. 1t is finished i,
stucco. with a green sloping root an,
cornices Of stained cypress. The lossi;
wing is tiled, and in it are many valua
BILE antiques from Italy and Il rar
piece Of Byzantine work bought by MI
Clemens in Venice. The author is yer.
thankful that the burglars did not st,a
the house, for this would have bee,
much more difficult to recover than tn
silverware.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04
Her Catch.

On his vacation trip,
And how he used with rod and line
The mountain streams to whip.
And how he stalked from pool to pool
An old and wary trout,
And. where all other anglers failed,
Had pulled the rascal out.
But while he talked a maid demure
Was clinEing to his arm.
Her shyly dropping lashes dark
Enhanced her modest charm.
She did not boast about her catch
It's not a woman's plan
But while he angled for the fish
She hooked the fisherman.
New York PresA
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04
How II

"Please, ma'am," said the husky
hobo, "would youse help a pore Teller
wot wuz caught on a elevator an
laid up fer six months?"
Certainly, poor man." replied the
kind lady. Heres a dollar for you.
How did you happen to get caught in
an elevator?"
Ode perlice wuz too quick fer me-"
explained the h. h. as he hastily beat
it.-Minneapolis Journal.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04
JOHN D. ARCHBOLD.
Active Head Of Standard Oil, Who
Figures In the Foraker Incident.

40 John Dustin Archbold is nov looked
upon as the active head Of the Stand.
ard Oil company, and he figures In one
Of the leading incidents of the presi.
dental campaign through the publica-
ton of letters he wrote some years
Ngo to Senator Joseph Benson Foraker.
Since Mr.. Archbold assumed active d.
rection of Standard affairs he has TAX
en- the public into his confidence re-
garding the operations of the corpora
extent than used to be done when Mr..
Rockefeller was directing its business.
Mr.. Archbold's connection with the
Standard dates back to 1875. He Is
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04

WHAT ARE o DOING WITH THAT BATH?'
ernOOn an Ovcrseer saw q valet carry.
Ing to this mans room a fresh water
bath.
What are you doing with tina,
bath?' the overseer asked.
"l am taking it to No. -. SIR said
the waiter.
"'But it is nearly 5 o'clock
"'He is still in bed, SIR
"'But l thought said the puzzled
overseer, that l saw you carrying q
very large fresh water bath to No. p o
couple Of hours ago?'
$50 YOU did, SIR said the waiter
He drank that"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04
NEW Q STORIES
An Aboundin., Thirst.

~ VNSSSiiSsuJ u
Alfred GHynne Vanderbilt at a din
ner in Newport talked of the Grant
PriS. the famous French race thai
concludes the Paris season.
"Very sumptuous entertainments art
given or the evening Of the Crane
Prix." said Mr.. Vanderbilt. "A Rus
sian grand duke will entertain 4 party
Of a hundred or so at dinner at tn,
Ritz. Arinenonville, the fashionable
restaurant in the Bots. will be crowd
ed with gay parties supping under the
trees. All the theaters, all the restau
rants. all the hotels, will overflow witt
the aristocracy of France. England
Russia and America.
"They tell a story about a New Yorl
man who celebrated the Grand PRIV
too we'll. He gave at the Cafe Aneri
cain Il large supper. and the next aft
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04
Weiqhed In the Hand.

"Some grocers," remarked the Gus
toner, "have an Offhand way of weigh
ing sugar, but l notice you're not one
Of them"
"Offhand way? How do you mean?"
asked the grocer.
II noticed you kept your hand on the
scales just now while you measured
out five pounds for me- Catholic
Standard and Times.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04
H LUCKETT STOKER.
Operates Automatically and Makes
SmokeIess Fire.

The Luckett stoler shown in the &C.
cOmpanying cut is very simple In con-
struction, and it's operation a be read
lily understood by any one. In the FUR
mace there are two magazines SO placed
that each one will take care Of half the
width Of the furnace. On the sides Of
these magazines are the CRATES. which
incline down toward the center and
sides Of the furnace. At the front end
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04
Missed a Chance.

"He never seems to get along. al
though he always has a good job"
"The trouble is that he is not fore
handed
"That's so. Too bad, isn't it? Now,
if he was four handed he could get a
good job in a museum
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04
Two Bores.

Towne-I'd rather associate with Nj
ditch than Kadley. Kadley's just a So
ciety Il l can't imagine anything
worse than 4 man who is always in
dulGing in small talk.
Browne-Oh. l don't know. He can't
be worse than 4 fellow who's always
talking big.-PhilaGelphia Press.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04
Humor ono Philosophy
BY DUNCAN NJ. SMITH
THINKING 1T OVER.

I've bee on my vacation.
I've logged a bit about,
I feel So full of scenery
1t must be sticking out.
l took my meals on landscape,
Mixed in with pork and beans
And pumpkin pic and doughnuts
And W inspiring scenes.
a chunk of Jagged mountain.
A canyon down below,
Crags fading in the distance,
A moving picture show,
A mountain torrent tumbling
With studied unconccrn,
AS though it were an actor
And did a circus turn;
A farmhouse on the prairie
That passes on the fly.
With little children watching
To e the train go by:
A peaceful little village,
With architecture crude
You sec it all in passing
Except the village feud.
So many Genes and faces
Half caught in passing by,
It all appears a tumble
Before my memory's eye.
So varied and abundant,
Each posing as the best,
I'm full to Overlooking
OF everything but rest.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04
Wanted to Be Noticed,

"I1ow is he going to vote:"
"He hasn't made up his mind yet"
Hasn't he read the platforms:"
"He doesn't care anything about
them. He likes the attention that
doubtful voters get"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04
Unaummed

"IIe isn't so stuck on himself as he
used to be, is he?"
NO. He got into hot water awhile
ago., and the mucilage seemed to dis
solve."-Cleveland Leader.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04

Tess-Well, there's IN thing about
May Woody. She has the courage Of
her convictions.
Jess-Indeed! l never noticed it.
Tess-Oh. yes! She's convinced that
she can wear a No. 3 shoe.-Philadel-
phia Press.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04
Documentary Evidences,

I'VE have just been looking owe his
will and find that he has left half Of
his fortune to charity"
But l hear he has written a later
will"
impossible. This one says right
over his OWL signature that it is his
last will"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04

Some people work half their lives
getting a reputation and the other half
trying to induce people to forget it.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04
As to Divorce,

Briggs-Even divorce nowadays Of
ferS no sure relief.
Griggs-How so?
"Why in nine cases out Of ten 4 man
is free to marry again."-New York
Life.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04
Beautiful Painfulness.

Beautiful Painfulness,
In pastures fair
Where how'rets rare
Perfume the air
Without a care
! strive to stray =,
With merry Fay.
Awhile to play
Make vain essay.
Essay in vain.
It's such a strain
With hidden pain
Peace to maintain.
The thistles prick,
The sand burs stick,
A hornct-Qu!ck-
But F'ay's a brick;
We turned the trick.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04
His Engagements.

But" said the fair maid. you Seem
rather young to be wearing the tile OF
colonel"
Anyway" replied the beardless
youth. 1--WE participated in seventcca
summer engagements" Cleveland
News.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04
PERT PARAGRAPHS.

The good guesser calls it Judgment
and collects money for it.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04

Common sense in an uncommon de-
gree is what the world calls WISDOM
C0leyadge.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04

Some me are easily reformed and
always In need of 1t.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04

Some people get very busy to hide
bling them.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04

Theories are good things to keep the
uimleSS die Over.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04

$4,000 votes, he still ran ahead Of the
rest Of the Democratic ticket by about
5000 votes and more than 5000 ahead
Of judge. Parker, the Democratic can.
didate TOR president. The Democrats
OF Connecticut have hopes this year OF
electing their state ticket and carry.
ing the state for Bryan on accounl vi
divisions among Republicans.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04

Being popular is undoubtedly pleas
ant, but in the long II it Is rather
hard on our sense of truth and pro-
portion.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04
Pleased Them.

\ are q
guide in these
parts:"
Yes; / was out
with q crowd of
city sportsmen
yesterday
How was the
shooting?"
The shooting
was poor
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04

The faster a mans life is the quick.
CIR It gets back to him.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04

II a person who has an artists eye
did not also bear around with him an
artists disposition he would be hailed
with greater acclaim.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1908-11-04

was fine. but the hitting was !
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-05-26
CHICAGO GRAIN MARKET.

CHICAGO, May 26.-Wheat was weak
at the opening today because of an easy
tone to Liverpool and generally favor
able weather in this country. july
opened h@A to A@3s lower, at 90% to
9O%, sold at 905a. and advanced to
907s al.
May corn was very cratic, selling
over a range of 21a cents within the
first half hour. 1t. opened u cent lower,
at 741a. and in the early trading sold
between 73h and rs. July opened u to Il
lower. at 66 to 66M, and sold at 66&@B.
July oats opened a shade lower, at
Az, and sold at 473s.
July provisions opened dull; pork. I'M
engaged, at 13.571a; lard, 2h cents
higher, at $40, and ribs, a shade lower.
at 7.321a@7.35.
May corr showed sudden strength on
the Board of Trade today and advanced
last night. The rise was generally
credited to a statement said to have
beer made by James A. Patten, who
is supposed to have a corner on the
May delivery, to the effect that corn
was going much higher" The price
at one time was as high as 1873. The
close of the market was strong and ex-
cited with May corn AS higher at 1878.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1908-05-26
CUMMING DIES
FROM HEART FAILURE.
Prominent Business Man Had
Been Ill at Home Sew
eraI Weeks.

Robert Cumming, a director in the
Marshall Linen Thread Company and
for many years prominent in the thread
industry, died last night at his home,
317 Mt. Prospect avenue. of heart dis
ease after several weeks illness.
Mr.. Cumming was born in Scotland
about sixty-five years G and for a
long time was the agent of the Royal
Bank of Scotland at Kilmarock. He
came 10 this city in 1880 and i'm
mediately associated himself with the
George A. Clark & Bros Company,
thread makers, and after it's incorpora-
ton he was a director. He retired from
that concern ten years ago. He was
a director of the American Wood Fire
proofinS Company and the American
Creosoting Company.
Mr.. Cumming was also a member OF
the Essex Club and the Lawyers Cluo
of New York.
He is survived by his wife. a mar
ried daughter in Scotland and three
sons. Robert W., James NJ. and John
C.. Cumming.
The funeral will be held at his late
residence at 2 O'Clock Thursday after
noon.