davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Francisco call., 1908-03-22

believe in it are already carryin'
umbrellys wit tn hope av gettin shell
ter whin tn rain av bombs begins"
.'Murderous" says Mrs. Casey. but
go on
4 WILL" / says " couldn't choke
me of wit a 10 cent can av beer. Tn
whole Paycific coast" l says is wide
open TO be invaded al any time. All
av thin people livin west av tn
Rocky mountains" l says. are liable
to be captured an made into windy
washers an set TO doin' general house
work al amy time. Tn aristhocracy
av Pacific heights, l says. would in
ivitably acquire horribly red wrists
from tn hot dish water an thin i'm
minent citizens av Billy Goat hin who
are too light for heavy work an TOO
heavy for light work SHOULD be sup
piled wit happy medium and inabled
TO toll
" have me covered thick wit
goose flesh says Mrs. Casey. but
so on"
sTn do that" 1 says. wit pleasure
av v will let y'r poor tired tongue
have rest. TIL poor widdys av Ala
MILDLY" 1 says. remain unprotected
from tn Japanee. Tn village az oak
land I. says. is liable 10 be awak
ened from its slumbers amy noon BY
the cannonading av tn Yelly Peril
Binjamin Ide whaler- / says. is liable
to awake suddenly some night in NOR
tial terror lest tn fight over tn Berke-
ley postmastership has broke out
afresh an it is TO prevint thin hor-
rible occurrences that Bob Wins is on
his way here Wit him arrived. I
says. "all viii be peace an quiet
"Y're right there" says Mrs. Casey.
an / see by tn papers that they're
10 have grand RECEPTION whin they
arrive"
They are" I says. they are, in
deed" / says obligations are to
meet thin an crown thin wit laurel
an bay rum They are TO be sub
merged wit bouquets av sweet smell
in nosegays They are 10 be supplied
wit complete outfits av thin highly
exciting games, Ping pong an Au-
thors an Tit Tat Toe, Three in a Row.
TIL RECEPTION Z be tindered thim." I
says. "is thoroughly well calculated
TO make thin take runnin' jump into
TIL bay. an av 1 wuz consulted on tn
matter could witout subjectin my
self TO amy dangers av brainstorm
The San Francisco call., 1908-03-22

equator, that stretches from Thomas
Lawson on tn east 10 tn seal rocks
an that can raise more money in less
time than all the foreign countries IL
the world. including Los Angeles
They have back av thim.' / says.
~th' revolution. tn war av 1879 an III
rebellion. not ( mintiOn III iate foot
race VIE Spain. an above thfm blows
out tn stars an stripes 10 whip tn
wind forever. free and unafraid
'YTe doin' noble. Casey. says Mrs.
Casey. y talk like William Jennings
Bryan HooFay. h0orayr
Thin words av mine I says TO her
severely. Mrs. Casey. is as fun av
horse sinse as San Franeisky is av able
bodied fleas. Av amy nation wuz to
grapple wit US capital an labor would
quit quarreling wit each other an hop
on tn inimy wit both feet. Even poor
Eugayne." 1 says would wildly try 10
The San Francisco call., 1908-03-22
an cut down

wan dollar TO ninety-eight cints. whin
very casually she says TO me all av
sudden, like hod full av bricks
fallin from tn third floor. Casey"
she says, -eirculatin' around wit Thin
that processes to have inside inf'rma-
ticn on iverything Y kin mintion. can
y answer me a question:
~Av I can't. Mrs. Casey. I says, I'll
ask you wan that1l make Y lose in
trest in thin poor little pettyeoars that
are SO cru'ly murdered to make a
hminine holiday. so proceed without
deviation and inquire what v would
ask"
Can v tell me- she says, why
ugly little Bob WINS is comm here
wit TIL neet?"
Mrs. Casey, I says. ~av thor
oughly respectable old lady hen can
lay wan egg In wan day in soap
box how long would il take a wan
horse sprinklin' cart 10 lay TIL dust
from Billy Goat hill to tn beach?"
"Gwan. she says. ''Y'r conversa-
tion is highly unintelligible: v talk
like goose
i may 1 says. AN 1 may not. but
The San Francisco call., 1908-03-22

escape an become a drummer boy an
thin valiant an patriotic citizens late
ly tnEaged in beavin brickbats at tn
United Railroads would perform vast
miracles av valOr an thin jump on tn
inimy when they had knocked him
down.
They would" says Mrs Casey. ~but
y read a lot in tn papers about IN
Japanese gettin' ready TO come over an
capture tn United States"
Mrs Casey I says. did y ever see
a little yally dog wit Wildly twinkin'
legs an made grOwls pursuing a rail-
road train
Il have" she says.
Did y ever stop to think ! says.
what tn little fellv would do 10 the
train av he caught it,
I have not" she says
Well think il over calmly l says
to her, AN don't iver lose amy more
sleep over the poor. innocent little
Japanese.
The San Francisco call., 1908-03-22

as the darkest night-not a gray hair
in sight She looked like a Spanish
dame as she swept into the room in a
gown of pale yellow satin with
some wonderful old fashioned topaz
jewelry.
When all We're at last assembled in
The drawing room they made striking
group. and the sight was enough TO
quicken my sluggish old blood. After
much giggling and chattering they
finally settled themselves down, and
one after another each told the story
of her love for the man whose name
she had assumed and just why she had
never married him
II would he nothing SHORT of sacrilege
10 reveal the secrets that were laid
bare there that night but oh. how
wish ! dared tell YOU. l am sure that
those six men have missed lifetime
10 those dear girls, what a pity we are
not all Mormons.
kt a signal from my mistress 1
turned on the lights in the dining room
and announced dinner. The room was
beautifully decorated with cut flowers,
trailing smilax and potted palms, but
the beauty of the decorations was
passed unnoticed by the guests as they
filed into the dining room. They were
simply stricken dumb with astonish-
ment for there, steated at the table. q
vacant chair beside each one, sat six
men-Messrs. Tyler. Paxton, Lincoln,
Dewey. GAYLORD and Beckwith--all, at
tired in the conventional evening suit
and all nicely done in wax. Just a
pleasant little surprise planned by my
mistress.
Well. after they had recovered from
the first effects of the shock they all
fell to- and
Bright the lamps shone Ger fair
women and wax men, and all went
merry as marriage bell. Such a time
as those six old maids had that night.
How / wish that sthe "bashfnl young
man. could have been there aaud heard
the passionate declarations of love that
were poured into the <dumb ears of
those six wax men. Poor old maids
denied the greatest blessing that can
come into the life of any woman. they
enjoyed themselves toztfleir hearts CON
tent for one. brief night No harm was
done, save the loss of a little color
from the faces of the: six silent ones.
but that was easily made good. The
party broke upzat late hour and all
went home supremely happy xWho
shall say that these six young old
girls overstepped the bonds of pro-
prlety: Certainly not ]
The San Francisco call., 1908-03-22

know thoroughly well why tn fleet
is comm. 1 have all tn insides av ut;
all tn latest infmation, an besides an
beyond l have me own private suspi-
cions on TIL subject
"Y' have?" she says
Il have" 1 says. "an' more.r 1 says.
"since we made bold TO ask me I'm
goin t tell y"
" are?~ she says Thin go on.
Why is It comin'?''
Mrs Casey 1 says. " must .niver
mintion 1t on amy account whativer
Sh'd y do so an wan av thin little
crooked legged Japanee honest boys
sh'd overhear Y the insuing destruc-
tion would forever deprive y avsyr
peace av mind
Horrible" she says but g on an
tell me the worst"
Cheer UP. Mrs. Casey / says I
her, "th' worst is yet t come TIL
feet I says. is on its way here be-
cause Bob WINS got sthrict orders TO
come It's comm around tn tail av
tn earth,'' I says, "fr tn reason that
TIL poor little battleships would get
rusty, on tn bottom av they lwuz sent
by freight It is comm wit tn most
paycifc av intintions. but thoroughly
prepared fir war. White, black or yel-
low / says. "all coons look alike TO
tn feroshus Bob. Av a big felly
tackles him" | SAYS hell cut him
down TO his size an thin swally him
The San Francisco call., 1908-03-22

alive. Az a whole bunch tackles him
he'll grab up wan av thin an beat
him TO death over the heads az TIL
Others, but av tn Thropic av Capri
corn sh'd be peaceful an III little sad
die colored feliys that live next door
10 tn Fillypanes sh'd yell banzai al
him y may depind on it that Misther
WINS will pass tn buck back TO thin
wit his right hand and hold his left
behind him wit his fist folded ready
The San Francisco call., 1908-03-22

to dish out thoroughly respectable
swipe.
~Th' Daily Deceiver,, ] says mas
had the intire country surrounded by
a fleet av Japanee afrships for more
than six months. Wit despicable du-
plieity," 1 says. lit has thin feroshus
stern wheelers all located behind tn
clouds that sit up on tn top AZ poor
old Tammlepious an thin people that
The San Francisco call., 1908-03-22

Dor attending one Of the most
X novel house parties ever given
in the city OF san Francisco. I
WIS the only male present in the
aesh. and then not as an invited guest
but rather IS necessary evil. FOR they
ceusd' hardly dispense with the services
or. "A butler. and such was my humble
position. However. I was sworn 10
eteraal secrecy. and fully intended to
keep my oath, but the whole affair was
so very much out Of the ordinary that
7 asr'e nor been able 10 think of any
thing else Tor the last week. and. hav-
Ing just z touch Of the feminine in
my makeup. in tnst never could keep
secret, really must tell you all
about it, even though il costs me my
position. which I am sure viii be the
inevitable result Of this article.
just how the idea first originated
never exactly knew. sufice il to say
that six old maids. all prominent in
society. put their heads together and
decided 10 give what they chose TO
cza a wedding party-that is. each
ore Or the six was 10 array herself in
. complete wedding outfit assuming for
the time being the name OF the man
shs would have married had oppor-
tunity and the man offered.
The party WAS 10 be given at the
home Of my mistress. and 10 quote one
OF the six-~we viii have the time
of cur lives. and not Z soul shall know
a blessed thing about il except we six;
shall they. girlsz" This much OF their
plans 7 overheard while ] was busy
about my work in an adjoining ROOM
That same evening I was taken into
TIE. confidence OF ny mistress. took the
The San Francisco call., 1908-03-22
By Ben Blow

Az IAN evenin' last week. said
NY Mr.. Casey me an. tn. old
Wv woman wuS rcsfin all
homolosus from tn iabors
az tn dax me wit tn paper an me
pipe her wit chimona on an a cat
tylog shown Thin hminine garments
not intinded <fr tn view az single min
an cut down in wan mad swlpc from
The San Francisco call., 1908-03-22
By Frederick w. Ely

~ EcENTLY had the privilege
OF attending one Of the most
novel house parties ever given
in the city OF san Francisco
The San Francisco call., 1908-03-22

Amusing /
S | G. m S
In I he
Old City
By Gibson Adams

NE day just before the con1agra-
.tion laid bare old San Francisco
] was walking toward the Gus
tom house. taking my way down
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-01-23
Fatal Accident at Bakerton.

Death came suddenly to Jerry
Haines, a workman in the limestone
quarries at Bskerton, few days ago.
While working at the inclined rail-
way up which the loaded cars Of stone
are drawn he was run over by one Of
the cars and fatally hurt. His leg
was broken and he received internal
injuries which caused his death within
a few hours. HaineS had been en-
ployed in that section for a number Of
years and was well. known in this end
of the county. He was buried in the
graveyard at Samples Manor.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-01-23
Disastrous Fire In the County.


A disastrous fire occurred yester-
day morning couple of miles south
of Charles Town, when the big barn
and outbuildings on the farm of Levi
NJ Porter were destroyed. An EN-.
ployee Of Mr.. Porter had made an
early start from the premises with a
team, and soon afterward, about half
pact six o'clock, the barn was seen to
be afre. The flames spread 80 rapid
ly that nothing could be done to save
the structure, nor could the horses
and cattle be rescued. Several horses
and a number of cattle were burned
to death, while several that escaped
were seriously injured. The flames
spread to the corncrib and other ad.
iacent buildings and these, too, were
burned with their contents. In the
barn and other structures were Mr..
Porter's wheat crop, large quantity
of corn, hay and other provender, be-
sides many farming implements, har-
ness and the many other articles used
on frst.class farm, al Of which went
up in smoke. The loss is estimated at
something like $4,000, while the in
surancs is only about $4,000. Mr..
Porter is a popular and progressive
farmer of Charles Town district, and
there is much regret at his misfortune.
1t is not known how the fire originated.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-01-23
Save This anyway.

Here is a simple homemade mix
ture as given by an eminent authority
on Kidney diseases, who makes the
statement in a New York daily news.
paper, that it will relieve almost any
case of Kidney trouble if taken before
the stage of Bright's disease. He
states that such symptoms as lame
back, pain in the side, frequent desire
to urinate, especially at night; pain
full and discolored urination, are read
lily overcome. Here is the recipe
try it: =.
Fluid Extract D4ndelion, one-hslf
ounce Compound Kargon, one ounce;
Compound Syrup Sarsapsrilla, three
ounces. Take a teaspoonful after
each meal and at bedtime.
A weli-known druggist here in
town ia authority that these ingredl,
ents are all harmless and easily mixed
at home by shaking well In bottle.
This mixture has a peculiar healing
and soothing effect upon the entir,
Kidney and Urinary structure, and
often overcomes the worst forms o
Rheumatism in just a little while
This mixture is said to remove al
blood disorders and cure the Rheu
matism by forcing the Kidneys to FL
ter and strain from the blood and sys
TEN all uric acid and foul, decompos
ed waste matter, which cause thes'
affections. Try it if you aren't well
Save the prescription.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-01-23
A Letter From an Old Timer.
LOUISVILLE. KY,

January Is, 1908.
EDITOR REGIsTKR-I read With inter
est your comment on the gun. barrel
fence in Alexandria and the gun-stOck
fence in Shepherdstown. As | can re-
member the log cabin aud hard cider
CAM aign of 1910 and the hanging Of
William Henry Harrison in efigy at
Kimes's shop, it may interest you to
know that il was a common thing TO
see Fulk's wagon in front Of Sheetz's
shop, stacked with gun stocks sawed
out OF walnut by "old Jake Sheetz, "
evening before, ready to be hitched TO
the next morning and on its way 10
Harper's Ferry before the butchers
were awake.
About the fiintlocks: The Potomac
Rifles (the cold greens') were armed
with fiintlock muskets, and we're as late
as the 4th of July, 1853. The military
company Of that day fusiladed by pla-
toons down Main street on their return
from the big Spring, with "Old-fash-
in-the-pans
1t was either 1S49 or 1850 that | saw
William Sheetz making a rife for Joe
Reinhart, who was one Of the company
who went to California at that time
1t was made to shoot 500 yards, and
had percussion nipple.
There are not many in shepherds
town now that can remember old MI.
Sheetz's Christmas and 4th Of July gun
that old "hoss pistol" that doomed on
the morning Of those days and at mid
night every New Years eve. promise
that can count on my finger all that
are left in ShepherdstoWn that can re-
member this. His son, William Sheetz,
was my teacher in the Lutheran Sun
day School, and | can testify TO his
beautiful character. He was quiet, am.
liable, and as true as steel-a very low
able man.
w II Il
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-01-23
Winter Weddings.

w
Mr.. Charles W. Licklidsr, son Of
Mr.. and Mrs. Edward T. Licklider,
and Miss Helen Mcdonald. daughter
of Mr.. and Mrs. Walter T. Mcdonald,
both of this vicinity, were married
last Friday in Charles Town, the cers-
mony being performed by Rev. James
q. Wolff at his residence. The we'd
ding was a surprise to most of the
friends of the young couple. satur-
day a dinner was given in honor Of
the couple at the groom's home, which
was attended by large number of the
kinfolk on both sides. Mr.. and Mrs,
Licklider will remain at the groom
home until spring. We extend tc
them our sincere good wishes.
A double wedding was celebrated
last Sunday night at the home of Mr.
and Mrs. Joseph Turner on Prospect
Avenue, by which Mr.. and Mrs.
Turner gained a son-in-law and q
daughter-in.law. The contracting
parties were Mr.. Robert Carpenter
and Miss Ola Turner and Mr.. Harvey
Turner and Miss Pearl Hill, the lat
ter daughter of Mr.. Henry Hill.
Rev. j. David Miller, pastor of the
Reformed Church, performed the
ceremony, which was witnc ssed only
by near relatives of the two couples.
We hope that all of them may be very
happy.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-01-23

Public Sales.
The attention of our readers is d.
rected to the following public sales
that are now or will be advertised in
the REGISTER
January 25-D. 8. Rentoh, agent,
house and lot in Shepherdstown.
February 81. c. Engle, stock and
farming implements, near Keller.
February Frank Buzzard, stock
and farming implements, At Antletam
Iron Works.
February 15-Live stock and farming
implements by H. F. Needy, Jr., oppo-
site Shepherdstown.
February 1S-W. S. Myers, stock,
farming implements, etc., on the Lower
Farm, north of Shepherdstown.
February 27-John J. Byers, stock,
farming implements, ETC., near Van
clevesville.
February 2S-M. NJ. Skinner, stock
and farming implements, east OF Shep'
herdstown.
March &C. G. Felker, stock, farm
ing implements, etc., on Sandy Ridge,
between Shepherdstown and Shenan
doah Junction.
March ICE. II. Reinhart, admins
traitor OF ". T. Powell, deceased, stock
implements, etc, east OF Shepherds
town.
March III. D. Myers, entire STOCK
and farming i'm plements, near Gaylord
| Va.
March 1S-D. Frank Koontz, stock
farming implements, etc, near Shop
| herdstown.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-01-23
TRAINED NURSE.
Writes a Letter to the People.

ITO Whom 1t May Concern l am
a trained nurse Of nine years expert
ence in hospitals and private cases,
and for the benefit Of the people OF
Shepherdstown 1 wish you would pub.
lish my experience with the cod liver
preparation, Vinol.
81 was completely Frustrated from
overwork. had no appetite, could
not sleep, my kidneys. liver and bow
els became inactive, and as / grew
weaker l could not retain either med
icine or food on my stomach, and
raised blood. The doctors said my
condition was critical and would
probably die.
"As | had seen Vinol prescribed for
my patients with such remarkable re.
sult,, 1 decided to try it After the
first bottle l began to improve.
continued its use, and soon began to
sleep and eat well every organ ID
my body was strengthened and be-
came normal, until it seemed good tc
be alive and | was restored to perfect
health and strength.
81 advise all my patients who need
strength, rich, red blood, and flesh It's
sue to take iVinol, as it is 80 far gu
perior to old.fashioned cod-liver oil
emulsions, or other tonics." Eliza
beth NJ. Cremond, Trained Nurse
Boston, Mass.
In Shepherdstown we sell Vinol Oh
a positive guarantee to return money
] if it fails. Remnants Pharmacy.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-01-23
List Of Jurymen.

List Of Jurymen.
Jury Commissioners ColSton and
Brenneman have drawn the following
jurymen for the February term Of the
Jefferson Circuit, Court which begins
on the 18th of that month: VIM. NJ.
Allen, Jr., ]. q. Willis, O. ]. Knott, s.
W. Hahn. Silas Olipp, Q. ]. Derr, B.
F. Ware, ]. W. Marshall, T. S. Jolliffe,
@. T. Butler, John Boyd, Jr., Edward
F. Clipp, Robert L Emory, Harrison
Schley, James E. Tabb, q. A. Lock
hart, Marshall Burns, Turner Yates,
G. D. Molsr, Newton Buckles, Thomas
N. Hill, ]. G. Blue, j. Lee HulVer,
W. o. Rau, E R. Taylor, Eugene
Bready, E. D. Turner, j. s. Henkle,
George B. Bush, George W. Packet,
Charles Kidwilsr, George F. Turner.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-01-23

Coming Soon.
DR.. O. o. Spangler, better known
as the "Old Indian Medicine Man.
will open up in the town hall in shep-
herdstown with 6rst-class show next
week. Change of programme each
night. A thoroughly good perform
anOe will be given-singing, dancing,
comedy sketches, blsck-faced come
dams, etc., and lots Of fun for every
body. Admission 10 and Is cents.
Watch for the bills and further notice
next week.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1908-01-23
basketball Game.
w. II. B.

One OF The most spirited games OF
basketball that has ever been seen in
the college gymnasium was played
Monday afternoon between the teams
representing Shepherd College and the
Randolph-Macon Academy at Front
Royal. The game was won by Shop
herd College by score OF 10 to l6,
our boys proving bit too heavy for
the visitors. The closeness of the
score kept the audience in a state OF
enthusiastic anxiety.