davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1908-01-25

ing designs on the countries of South
America; that the eventual program OF
the United States was to gobble up South
America and Yankeeize the South Ameri-
can republics. Secretary Roots tour
down that way had a good deal to do
with dispelling this quaint idea which for
SO long time possessed the South Ameri-
can imagination.
All the same, while 1t is expected that
the cruise will wind up without any of
the bluejackets getting into serious con-
hicts with the natives anywhere, the ad-
miral of fleet and the commanding Of
hcers of the ships are always watching
out for such occurrences. They dread
them almost more than they dread any
thing else in connection with long
cruise. At the very least, such mix-ups
involve lot Of smoothing over and a lot
OF explaining to the Navy Department.
Such af1airs are very often magnified in
press dispatches. and, on the strength of
such dispatches. the Navy Department
wants to know. and wants to know In
detail and right away.
The present cruise is safeguarded in a
way. from such happenings by a special
order to the men for'ard which was is
sued by the Navy Department before the
fleet left Hampton roads. This special
order concerns the conduct of the blue
jackets when they're ashore in the for
eign ports. 1t points out how necessary
1t Is for them to behave ashore on this
trip for the honor of the United States
sea service. and calls upon them to be
decent. self-respecting. sober and mindful
OF their uniform when hitting the beach.
Evening star., 1908-01-25

some of the country's millionaires
Don't take it so hard. you can't tell
what good fortune is before you. I did
the same thing once. and made a hero
of myself and won 500 prize. or re-
ward. or whatever you call IT.
Il took Mr.. BIS car out one evening
l knew he was to be at home all even
ing and would not want the car. We
got back to the garage about > o'clock
In the morning. And what do you think
happened? The garage had burned
down. There was nothing but bed OF
ashes. Mr.. B. had bought his fine
French car not more than two weeks
before. 1t was the only motor saved out
of the ruins. for there had been an eX-
plosion of gasoline. and the building
went up in smoke in "a jffy. About s
O'Clock in the morning Mr.. B. telephoned
to the garage for his car to go to the
country. or tried to telephone. When he
found that the garage had burned he
was terribly excited. and hurried down
town to find out about II. I sat in the
car opposite the garage waiting for this
moment. When he saw me sitting there
with his car safe and sound you should
have seen his face. He ran up 10 me
and almost embraced me, he was so glad.
He did not stop to ask me how I had
saved the car He just took il for
granted that when I heard of the fire I
rushed to the garage and rescued II. He
did not know how much my party had
enjoyed the evening. But I was great
hero in his eyes, all right He jumped
into the car and ordered me to drive
check book. and. without a word. sat
down and wrote me out check for s100.
Now. wasn't that nice and liberal OF
him ?"
Evening star., 1908-01-25

afterward.
But there's no use in a song writer to
try to get away from the misery of lis
tening to one of his hits. A few years
ago l unreeled ballad-it had something
TO do with an apple tree-that, greatly to
my astoniShment, made a most tremen-
dous hit 1t was. as I considered, about
the most inferior song that I'd ever turned
out, but it proved to be most Stupen-
dous knockout, as these things go. l be-
came SO sick of that song within cou-
pie of months after its publication that
/ positively went to Europe to get away
from it. And then / found 'em all sing
ing and chanting and shouting and hol-
lering it in the London music 'alls. l
nudged out of London. and in Paris I
found 'em bawling 1t in all of the cafes
chantants. Then I went to Berlin, and
the first thing l heard when I got there
was a military band poom-ta-ra-ra-ing
the Internal song at park concert. Then
1 sneaked to the Tyrol and thus man
aged to hide from the fool song for a
little while at least.
(Which reminds me, by the way, that
naval officer whose home is in Wash
ington enjoyed the felicity of not being
murdered by a song for which he wrote
the words. and 1t was a curious little in
cident. About a dozen years ago. while
at sea- this naval officer a versifier of
skill. wrote three or four verses that
struck him. after he'd completed them,
rs being fairish material for a song. So
he sent the verses to very well-known
ST. Louis compoSer-a composer who
writes hgh-grade stuff and nothing of
the sloppy sort. The st. Louis composer
Evening star., 1908-01-25

cannot go ashore anywhere without get
ting a skinful Of whatever sort of exhila
rating juice they can get hold Of are
carefully guarded by the more sober
chaps of the liberty parties when par
ticular warning has been given that all
hands have got to be on their good be-
havior on the beach. This has been known
to cause some beautiful fights between
the aforesaid rummies and their ship
mates engaged in trying to make the
rummies behave. The booZe-eating blue
jackets ashore, after becoming alcohol
cally tuned up to a certain wooziferous
pitch. resent the efforts of their more
temperate mates to hold them in check as
to the drinking end of it. They refushe t.
take ordersh from shonsh O. shee-cooksh
that amt got tn giZZard' sh t have no
fun themselvesh Then the internecine
walloping begins, and It's all hands
same uniform.
An entertaining incident of this sort
once took place at Yokohama.
1t was at the time when the relations
between the United States and Great
Britain were some taut over the Vene-
zuela affair. Several American cruisers
attached to the Asiatic squadron were
in the harbor of Yokohama. Two British
warships also were in that harbor. The
shippers of the American and the Brit
ish men-o'-war didn't know much
about letting their men go ashore In
Yokohama. They didn't like the idea.
They were afraid, as they had reason to
be afraid. that the American and British
bluejackets might foregather pugilistically
Evening star., 1908-01-25
78's

seated themselves comfortably at the sec
ond-story windows of a neat groggery
across the way from Paul's house. where.
with liquid refreshments and things, they
could enjoy the contemplation of how
Paul was feeling about it. The din was
something that never was and never
will be equaled on this or any other con-
tinent. 1t was a hideous, hellish wall
as Of eternally lost souls. Instantly 1t
began they saw Dresser, whose chair was
by the window of his second-f1oor front
room. yank up the curtain and glare
down to the street below, all cluttered and
massed up with the grinning hurdygur-
dyers. He shook his fists and bawled
out of the open window. but, nix, the ST.
cilians had their instructions, and they
went right on with some more Two Little
Girls in Blue. Dresser caught sight
Of his gang of pals lurking in the windows
across the way, and the scandalous things
that he shouted at 'em were awful to
listen to. Then Dresser began to throw
things at the Dagos. He had his nurse
fetch him everything in the room that
was loose-shoes canes, wash pitchers.
mantel-piece ornaments, everything that
could be pried from whatever fastenings
it had-and chucked 2the stuff at the
street pianists. They lodged the mis-
siles-but they went right ahead playing
Two Little Girls in Blue. Great after
noon. all things considered.
when Dresser got over his attack of
gout and made his way downtown he
swore roundly that it was his deliberate
intention to slaughter every solitary man
who had been concerned in the affair, and
they were afraid to meet him for months
Evening star., 1908-01-25

In essence. it puts the liberty men on a
sort Of extra parole. Now, enlisted men
like to have it put up to them in this
way. 1t shows. they take it. that they've
been considered in connection with the
job. When a special order of that sort
Is written right smack at them they'll
give ear to 1t and digest it and end by
concluding that the special order is right
all right Before they start ashore in
the cutters this special order is read to
the lined-up liberty parties of all the
ships of the fleet by the officer Of the
deck. just to keep them In mind of the
terms of the order. Thus the liberty
parties step ashore with the fresh hint
in their ears that they've got to be good.
1t helps a good deal. Anybody who has
ever watched how the reading of these
special orders directed at the men forard
works out in practice knows that it helps.
1t certainly must have worked out finely
at Trinidad, when the governor. Sir
communication stating that he'd never
country behave so well as the men for'ard
of the battleship fleet behaved while visit
ing his place.
In addition to this. when it is extra de-
sirable that bluejackets visiting foreign
ports should keep an eye on their shore
conduct for the sake of preserving all
around good will. particular watch is
kept on the hair-triggerish. quick-tem-
pered chaps of the liberty parties by the
more evenly balanced fellows who go
along with them. Also. the indurated
rummies among the bluejackets, who just
Evening star., 1908-01-25

which he could get much more pay In
civil life. Our army is relatively small
one compared with the armies of other
nations, and in proportion to our area
population and resources. The tradi-
tional policy of the United States has
always been against the maintenance of
a large standing army. and probably al
necessities demand that the army shall
always be of the highest standard and of
the greatest effectiveness possible for its
size. We can afford to have this so. We
cannot afford to have 1t otherwise. To
that end the army now needs more Off
GERS, both in the line and in the staff. and
1t needs more enlisted men; and 1t is i'm
perative that both officers and enlisted
men should be carefully selected force,
and that they should be at all times in
fine condition, mentally and physically,
for active service To accomplish this
and constantly keep the best class of men
in the army requires adequate pay.
steady flow of promotions for efficiency
and fair degree of elimination by retire
ment o rotherwise, as the circumstances
may call for Individual cases of en-
thusiasm Intelligent effort and hard work
without sufficient compensation or other
adequate recognition are to be found in
every vocation. and fortunately are not
masse requires as inducements to prepa-
ration and performance the just rewards
Of labor of character similar to those
1 have already indicated"
x X x
There is young woman in North
Washington who lost by death g. rela-
tive several months ago. She is of
most sentimental and emotional turn
Evening star., 1908-01-25

day, and permit the boy owning nothing
but the holes to put the skates on for
trifing little while. Say. honest, / often
hung around the ice for the whole live
long day, shivering, and never taking my
eyes off of a boy with pair of skates
who'd promised me to let me put 'em on
for a little spell when he got tired. But
the boy with the skates on never seemed
to get tired. He just wouldn't tire. And,
if he did become somewhat winded. why,
would he take the skates off and let me
utilize those holes in my heels by putting
on his skates? Not by a jugful would he.
He'd sit down on the bank of the pond
or stream until he got his breath back
again, and then he'd drive out and skate
some more. Maybe. at the very end OF
the long long winters day. just when 1t,
was beginning to grow dark, he'd reluc-
tantly take the skates off and let me
put 'em on for about three minutes. but
he wouldn't give me any peace at all. and
would keep hollering at me to come and
take off and let him have his skates be-
cause he had to go home and get his sup
Evening star., 1908-01-25
and varied" said Sec
I'M retary Taft. ARE the causes
! assigned by military authori-

<r NUMEROUS and varied said Sec
I'M retary Taft, ARE the causes
assigned by military authori-
ties for the inability to keep the
enlisted strength of the army up to the
proper standard. But whatever may be
the reason for this state of affairs and
for the number of desertions. which In
any view of the case are far in excess
of what they ought to be. the figures and
facts contained in my annual report to
Congress reveal a situation that is ex-
tremely undesirable and so serious in its
ultimate consequences as to compel the
careful consideration and prompt RENE
dial action that the matter merits. The
fact cannot be disregarded nor explained
away that for some reason or other the
life OF the soldier as at present constf-
tuted is not one to attract the best and
most desirable class of enlisted men.
Such a condition is radically wrong. and
ought speedily to be remedied. The SER
vice should be made attractive and de-
sirable that 1t will not be difficult to get
nor hard to hold the class of men the
army needs in its enlisted personnel. and
the way to do that. in my opinion. Is to
make service in the army life work (as
1t used to be- for those who are adapted
to II. by offering suitable rewards for
proficiency when attained, a greater in
crease of pay for length of service and
by the establishment of conditions that
will elevate and sustain the self-respect of
the enlisted man by making the duties
of his daily life more those of the
soldier-for which he entered the army
and less those of a laborer for service at
Evening star., 1908-01-25
COURTESY TO COMPOSERS OF COMIC SONGS

n PROMINENT composer of SEN
~ timental ballads. Indian and
coon songs and the like, who is
one of the brigade of song writer's WIS.,
lung washington to protest before the
committees on copyright against can
ned music without royalties, says that
sometimes. he's tempted to wish that
he could lose and regain his hearing
at will.
Tho times when I feel as if Id like
to be deaf" he says ARE when I'm
forced to listen to my own songs. Not
that the songs aren't all right in their
way They're good enough rot of their
sort. But other folks can listen to
them II they must and will. I'm sick
of them They make me tired They
give me the tiZzy-wizzy. Id rather
listen to a Chinese tom-tom orchestra
any time than to hear those songs of
mine rendered by the Damrosch Or
chestra. That's how weary l am OF
them.
You see. they're chucked at me
everywhere-and all manufacturers of
songs have the same miserable ex-
perience. For example, I've met whole
heaps of extremely nice folks in Wash
angton-met good many of them So
cfa1ly at their homes. What's the first
thing that they all do-generous souls
to compliment me? Why, they hus-
tie over to the plano and begin to sing
my songs and to whack 'em out on
the piano. They all do that, men and
women alike. OF course, 1 ought to
feel pleased when they do this-rve
Evening star., 1908-01-25

speaking of the pair of soused blue
jackets.
Instantly the sober bluejackets knocked
off their punching work on their mates.
Their ears had been a-cock and they'd
heard what the Unlocking bunch Of Brit
ish bluejackets had said.
whats that?" they inquired Of the
British tars.
I'VE say" replied the British fiatfeet.
that hit serves tn rotters bloody good
an right be'avin' that way
is that so-o?" inquired the American
bluejackets. ''Well. what tn hi have
you lime-juicers got t do with it, any
how?"
1t was a fine business then and for
hours afterward. The sober and the
soused American bluejackets hopped into
the loquacious serves 'em-right' British
tars for interfering in a strictly under
one-flag affair. and the thud and rataplan
of descending fists filled the air. As IL
informed by wireless of what was coming
off at that spot, nearly all of the Ameri-
can and British sailormen romped TO the
scene Of the opening conflict; and they
fought and struggled and Wriggled ana
punched until long after dark, When de-
tachmentS of marines from the SHIPS pore
down upon the scene on the run ana
prodded the fighters apart with bayonets
Nobody was killed, but the surgeons or
the ships had patching niSht thaL
they'll not forget. The thing never would
have occurred at all had the British blue
Jackets been able to restrain their chlnhi-
ness when the pair of saki-iZed American
tars were being corrected by their mates.
Evening star., 1908-01-25

until steamboat passed directly below
MIN, and then he hurled himself from
the bridge to the steamboats, deck. MAX
Ing sorry work for the deck hands. He
seemed deliberately to desire to hurt him
self as much as possible-the water of the
East river wouldn't do for him.
That. In fact. seems to be the wish of
most folks who assist themselves over
the Big Divide over hereto hurt them
selves as much as possible. and to make
work for the survivors. AS to the hurt
ing part of 1t. more than three-fifths of
the New York suicides go to the great
bourne by the carbolic acid route. Car
bolic acid is mighty caloric fussy kind
OF stuff-nothing like blushful hippocrene
Folks who take 1t comfort most hideousy
before they are released.
A school for the study of scientific
suicide would surely make for an i'm
provement In this matter. Ancient and
medieval examples of suicides could be
given. how the Romans sought the as
phodel meadows by opening wrist veins
and then lying down in their baths. all
proper and tidy and considerate. la
Seneca and Petronius; how the Greeks.
alice same Socrates. imbibed hemlock Il
don't know what that is. but 1t sounds
quite restful 1ke). or submerged them
selves in the whipping Ionian or Aegean
sea: how the Italians of the middle ages
invented all sorts of dreamful slow
music dopes wherewfth to nudge them
selves out of the game when life grew
monotonous or they were tipped off that
there were "in bad" politically or some
thing of that sort. In fact. some mod
ern examples could be quoted. The
French are, as might be supposed artis-
tic suicides. They have a way Of starting
charcoal fire in small room and then
lying down and inhaling the fumes This
method is said to be quite pleasing
New York folk are anything but artistic
in such matters. A human beings re-
moval from the sphere of his activities
even when 1t is an involuntary and who'll
ly natural removal. is an event of some
magnitude to the individual. But when
the removal is voluntary and personally
conducted 1t seems as II it should be a
matter of the first Importance to the
self-remover to make an agreeable finish
Evening star., 1908-01-25
cial Correspondence Of The Star.

NEW YORK. January "a, 1905
REV YORK needs school Cor the
M study of the scientific suicide.
q Self-destroyers in this town are.
AZ a rule, miserably inept. They are
selfish too. They seem to have no ap-
probation whatever of the picturesque
They don't preserve the unities of self
destruction SO to speak. They remove
themselves nine times out OF ten, in
ways that are far from soothful, much
less inspiring. in their effects upon the
surviving populace.
Within the past three months no less
than four persons. equally divided as to
sex. have tossed themselves from the
windows of enormously high buildings
None of them, needless to say. presented
an engaging picture after doing this
Three men, within less than two months
have flung themselves in front of rush
ing subway trains. They tied up subway
traffic badly by so plunging into the be-
yond A fortnight ago poor strolling
player. out OF employment. tied the cord
OF his bath robe around his neck and
suspended himself from a hook in his
clothes closet. The heart of the cham
bermaid who found him that way the
next day is humping yet. Two casta-
ways OF the Tenderloin recently used
their galluses to accomplish the final
shuttle off by hanging-both were locked
up in the Tenderloin cells. Last month
a man who'd spent an inheritance Of
$4,000 investigating the simple pastoral
life of the Tender1oin, all within two
months. took his rest by leaping in front
OF a flying taxicab- In Brooklyn not
long ago a world-weary male person
leaped into a vat of molten lead, thus
clogging the wheels of industry at the
lead works for quite a spell. Another
tired one waited on the Brooklyn bridge
Evening star., 1908-01-25

show his pierced heels to his dad or
mother and then look sort of eXpectant,
and, If they didn't take any notice, why,
he could say, I've got the holes all bored.
paw or something like that. and there
was always chance-usually remote.
but a chance-that the parent thus sought
to be wheedled might take the hint and
come across with a pair of heel-screw
skates.
Moreover skateless boy with the
holes in his heels could stand around on
the ice and look at the skaters and think
to himself what dickens of time he'd
have, cutting figure-of-eight knots and
spread-eagles and things on the ice If
only he had pair of skates. There was
always sort of vicarious or proxy sat
isfaction in that-for boys, son.. live
pretty largely in little world of dreams,
as maybe you know.
Besides all that, the holes in the heels
were always ready in case a feller that
didn't have any skates Of his own could
prevail upon boy who did own pair to
take 'em off, at the end of long skating
Evening star., 1908-01-25

screw. you see, had to be screwed into
hole bored in the heel of the shoe with
a gimlet. Then 1t was strapped on fore
and aft. and it was supposed to stick that
way. But 1t didn't always stick. or any
thing like always. in spite of the heel
screw and the straps. and it was a COM
mon thing to see the skaters Of those
days Topping around on one skate, with
the other one dragging along loose.
1.-The hole that had to be bored in the
heel of the shoe knocked the tar out of
the shoe. too. for the screw of the skate
would always wabble around and bore
much larger hole than the one made by
the gimlet, and after a few sessions on
the ice the heel of the shoe would be all
torn to ribbons and another pair of shoes
would have to be hustled for.
Come to think of 1t. it's been good
many years since I've clapped eye on
gimlet. Wonder what's become of them?
Were they ever used for anything else
than to bore holes In the heels Of shoes
for skaters? Gimlets used to be in big
der md in the winter time for that pur-
Evening star., 1908-01-25

eral of these parties that have returned
report that they had the bulliest imagina-
BILE time that the steerage accommoda-
tions weren't bit worse than camping
out in the Adirondacks in the good old
summer time, and that they enjoyed the
thing keenly. In the meantime. there
doesn't appear to be any present proba-
bility that the steamship companies at
war with each other will get together very
soon and ii is expected that an even
lower first cabin rate than the general ono
at present-$JO-will be touched before the
scrap is over Fifty dollars for the first
cabin ride to Europe on steamers that
We're in the greyhound class only a little
while back, and that still rank among
the best on the sea. is pretty soft. and
there are many thousands of Americans
buying passage at that rate.
Notwithstanding handsome bank state
ments and the atmosphere of what is
called returning confidence in the finan-
cial martS. II is Il certainty that things
have got to be pretty cheap in New York
right now in order to fetch in any money.
The department stores. for one thing.
appear almost deserted even taking into
consideration the natural slump after the
holidays. From pork chops to ocean
voyages. the goods must be cheap
the buyers won't show up here at this
stage of 1t. For example. the winter
cruising season of the steamers in the
West Indies and around the Mediterra-
mean is acknowledgedly a failure this
year. So few reservations We're made
that a number of the most important Of
the West Indian and Mexican cruises
already have been Cancelled and the
steamers sent into other carrying chan
nels. 1t is said that several of the big.
expensive Mediterranean cruises will be
called off. too.
New York business men read the bank
statements and the reassurlng financial
statements and scratch their heads and
wonder. Perhaps a few of them hum a
snatch or so from the song IF money
talks il ain't on speaking terms with
me-" But the financial reviewers ought
to know. and IL they tell us that We've
all got money to toss at the famingoe0
why shouldn't we believe them?
CLARENCE l.. CULLEN.