davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
MERRY WIDOW HEADGEAR.
Masculine Resentment over II
Reaching "A High Tide.

Masculine Resentment over 1t
Reaching "a High Tide.
From the Boston Journal
Not since the days OF the crinoline has
there been such comment. such excite
ment; and, indeed, the crlnoline was the
less serious problem. since indoors the
surplus eXpanse could be slowed away or
minimized, while the new hats simply
magnify themselves when successfully
borne across the threshold.
For example, the president Of a street
railway down South complains that re-
ceipts are falling off. Formerly he could
stuff half a hundred uncomplaining pas
sengers into one of his cars. but now the
stufing IS oyer and gone. The Merry
Widow hats make it impossible. ne is
desperate, and wants his lawyers to apply
for an injunction. II legal wisdom fails
to crack the nut, he threatens 10 make
it impossible by making the doors of the
cars narrower. But he should take warn
ing from the case reported from an In
diana town the other day. when some
gallant youths coming to the relief OF
maiden in distress by reason of a mill
linery masterpiece, smashed the offending
door, and were applauded for their quick
wit. The young lady completed the store
keepers misery by thanking the heroes.
But what did the storekeeper expect? No
doubt he should have apologlzed.
Clergymen are beginning to complain
of this 1903 headgeaT. II is not right,
they urge, that a man saying his prayers
should be disturbed or distracted by
wings sweeping athwart his face; and,
besides, the ushers are losing patience
trying TO make three sit comfortably and
without trouble where five sat before
Yet there is another side to this. for the
Merry Widow" hat probably prevented
a panic in q st. Louis church on Easter
Sunday. A ire started in the sanctuary,
but only a few saw It, and these few
fortunately kept their heads. The peo-
pie behind saw nothing-which was what
they had seen from the time the service
began.
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
Independent Journalism.

From Recent Address by Senator Knox.
The journalist has one chief client. one
patient, one flock-that is to say. the
whole community; and nothing should
stand In the way OF his single-minded
and devoted service to that one common
interest He should beware Of all en-
tangling alilanees-political, social, com
mercial-whlch may limit or embarrass
such service. He should let the honors
and emoiuments OF public Office go 10
other people. His own Office, If properly
administered, is more important and
powerful than any that his fellow-oiti-
zens are likely to confer upon him. The
independent newspaper may be, and
should be, the most vital and effective
instrument that democratic society can
produce for its own advancement and
protection; and its true business welfare,
in the loug view. lies in a complete, IN
teligent. sympathetic devotion to public
interests.
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
LamentabIe overslaugh of FUNSTON.

Information is vouchsafed, presumably
from authoritative sources. that Brig.
Gen. Frederick Funston, United States
army, the senior in the grade of briga-
der generals since January. 1907. and
four or five times jumped by juniors of
that rank in the selection by Presidential
discrimination Of major generals. is to
remain a brigadier general for an IN
definite period. II Is made known that
that officer is too young 70 be advanced.
and that he has already been the recip-
lent OF marked and unusual favor by his
appointment in 1901 10 the position OF
bTigadier general This was done bv
President Mckinley following the cap
ture by Funston of Aguinaldo. an act of
conspicuous determination and skill. if
not of gallantry or peril. The incident
was important. at least. and the chief
actor. whether or not his performance
was accidental, was regarded as entitled
to some substantial recognition by a
grateful government.
Funston, at least, did something be-
sides being personally known to. or liked
by, the President, and his appointment
as brigadier was no more an offense TO
the personnel which was overslaughed
than many other Instances of Executive
favor. Gen. Leonard Wood. also young.
and Gen. T. III. Barry, by no means old,
were made brigadiers with less excuse
and both have been made major generals.
the former because he was the senior
brigadier Ia August, 1903, and the latter
appointed the other day, Notwithstanding
he was number four on the list of briga-
diers, and by his appointment Jumped"
Gems. Funston, Carter. and Bliss. Fun
ston did good service IN the Philippines.
and since his return. notably during the
exciting and trying times Of the big fire
In San Francisco, and If the rule of
seniority is to prevail. II would appear
that the passing Of Funston is a mark Of
distinction not at all complimentary to
the officer or consistent with the policy
which the President is supposed to have
belstedly adopted in recognition OF senior
officers and now violated again in the
case Of Gen. Barry.
The trouble began, as it was bound to
do, with the selection Of junior on1cers
for brigadiers. once in that grade, Il has
become difficult TO ignore young briga-
diers when vacancies exist IN the higher
grade The truth of the matter is that 1t
is not, and never has been, a rule Of
seniority or a question of age or youth.
It is a matter Of influence in behalf of
this or that officer or a fact Of personal
friendship. and these conditions dispose
effectually Of al the mystery which at
tends the selection of one or another Off
Ger. or the failure to select any officer,
for exalted military position.
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
Failures Of the Courts.

Secretary Taft discussed the well-worn
subject of the laws delays in his Car
negie Hall speech of Tuesday night. It
is subject that needs frequent discus
sion. for there is no legislative reform
more pressing than that Of codifying law
so that il viii simplify the work of law
yers and the courts, and Of reforming
judicial procedure so that the admins
tration Of justice may be prompt, certain.
and effective. Next 10 the failure of our
municipal governments. Mr.. Taft ranks
the failure Of our courts of justice 10
realize expedition and thoroughness In
the enforcement OF public aud private
rights Our judicial machinery SIS so
cumbersome and slow and expensive for
the litigants, public and private, that
the whole judicial branch Of the govern
Hent fails In a marked way to ac-
complish certain of the purposes for
which 1t was created"
One of the most conspicuous failures
Cf our courts lies in the matter of ex-
pedition. 1t takes several years 10 con-
vict any criminal with money enough &c
hire lawyers acquainted with the multi
farious methods of delaying final judg-
ment So far as civil cases are con
eerned, il is practically impossible for a
poor htigant 10 fight a rich one, the ex-
pense of a protracted suit being newt
able and prohibitive Mr. Taft finds the
disposition Of judges 10 withhold their
opinions one cause of delay He thinks
they ought TO decide most cases at the
close of the hearing An effective meas
ure has been taken in the Philippines 10
promote promptitude OF decision. There
a judge cannot draw his pay until he
has filed d certificate showing that he
has disposed Of all current Business. It
is almost needless to say that the dock
cts of the Philippine courts are kept
clear. Mr.. Taft decries the tendency
Of newer State legislation to minimize
the power of the judge and to magnify
that Of the jury in the belief that there
by popular rights are better protected.
In AIr. Tafts opinion It has quite the
(eontrary effect. the tendency being 10
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
Our Future Fleet.

From the Philadelphia Record.
If we build two OF the new monster
battle ships every year for ten years the
grand total Of armored seagoing vessels
in our feet in 1918 viii be sixty-four.
From this number. however. those which
will have then become obsolete and
stricken from the list should be deducted.
Ships twenty years old are generally
classed as obsolete, and by this rule we
should have to deduct only FIVE from our
total in 1915 as ineffective. We should
then have fifty-nine fighting units Of tre-
mendous power, and could send out four
fleets each year far superior in strength
10 that now nearing the Golden Gate.
With such an armament all probable and
improbable demands that might be made
on our navy could Welt be met The YES
sells authorized since 1893 will have cost
when completed $3.50, 00,0o0; the contem-
plated twenty Dreadnoughts viii add
500. 000,000 TO this sum. Why should not
the President be satisfied?
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
SUPREMACY IN THE AIR.
What VIII BE Britain's Place fin an
Age of Aerostatss
&c Stedaan, in the Century.

Edmund Clarence stedIaan, in the Century.
When four grand armies OF Germany,
France. Great Britain. and the United
States find themselves in possession Of
aerostats manageable for flight and milf
tary use, the very first question in world
politics TO be asked is. How viii this af-
feet the foreign policy and international
status Of Great Britain. now for two cen
turies demonstrably the princess Of the
power Of the sea. and by the same token
unassailable, whether In her insular
stronghold OF upon the waves which Brit
annia has ruIed?" The question is not
What Of her colonies, where her scepter
guides the sun around the globe. but
what OF the nucleus of Great Britain?
What of the tight little island, mother
and defender Of them alp Is there to be
can there BETA prince Of the power OF
the air? For if there is, then the distinc-
ton. the unique advantage Of the British
empire vaRishes. and Great Britain must
take her place on q level with all the
other sovereign great powers. This may
not, viii not imperil her safety; bat Il
must reduce her pride. her vaunted supe-
riority. and her prerogative, to the COM
mon international 6anominator. Either
this must eventuate. or the assent of his
torians and history tc her insularity and
her sea domain as the basis Of her great
ness has been purely chimerical-an illu-
sion upon which her supremacy has been
as well assured as II It were a fact.
II is no Illusion Her sea power. SUD-
plemented by her craftsmanship and va
lOr. has forwarded her growth and sus-
tained her greatness It must cease 10 do
so from the decade in which the atmOs-
pheTe envelOping the globe becomes
mans greater ocean. So far as war is
conCerned-as the deterring factor. the
Last Chantey" Of the waves as dOmi-
mating alike London's 'gossiping Mall
and Square" and THE naked shingles OF
the world" VIII be sung. and new song
may be sounded in the empyrean. the
way of ship in the sea-of an eagle in
the air
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30

make the conviction OF criminals diflcult
and to Increase the advantages enjoyed
by the wealthy in the courts
AS to the right of appeal, the abuse
of which has. perhaps. been the ehiefest
cause Of complaint concerning legal de-
lays, Mr.. Taft favors legislation provid-
ing that no judgment of a trial court
should be reversed except for an error
which the court after reading the entire
record can affirmasively say would have
led to a different verdict and judgment.
Mr. Taft thinks no injustice would be
done by such provision. and 1t would
put stop to the reversals on teehni-
ealities which disgrace our jurisprudence
and render the prompt enforcement of
Jaw impossible. If. in addition. court pro-
cedure were simplifed, very great
judicial reform would have been ac-
eompiished.
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
nFFICIAI. sPRING PoEsr.

OFEASEAL SFntNN FOEMs
The daffodn IS yellow it always Is,
think.
It ought to be more versatile; appear in
blue or pink.
The trees within the orchards with
peach blooms now are red.
Excepting where they plum blooms bear
OF apple blooms instead.
The jonquiFs modest beauty makes
bright the autumn scenes.
The jonquil always blooms in spring in
all the magazines,
The tulip too. gets busy; assumes its
rainbow dress,
And gets a hand throughout the land
from poets OF the press.
The willow catkins ripen. and one by one
they fall
On Grace or Maude or Genevieve and
make those damsels squall.
For this Is spring, my masters, that gay
and gladsome time
When every bard grinds out yard Of
vernal rune and rhyme.
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
our Ahsentee wa secretarx,

From the Kansas City Journal.
During very much Of the time within
the past two years Mr.. Taft has been
away on business for the President. But
now unquesti0nably he is on his own
private business. that of securing pledges
for his nomination. Mr.. Taft has been
greatly honored. He has held almost con-
tinuous Office under the government for
nearly twelve years. He should be willing
to take a sporting chance and resign from
the Cabinet while prosecuting his promis-
ing campaign for political nomination.
Such action at this time would be popu-
lar and. we think, safe.
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
THE HEARTS RETURN.

When darkened hours come erowding fast,
A thought-and all the dark is pastl
For l am back boy again
Knee-deep in heading barley in a Afsndocino glen.
cannot ever be so sad
But one thing still viii make me glad
That hid spring in the Susun hills:
Ny heart keeps going back to it through all the
earthly lis
How often when the brood Of care
Would hold ne IN a hopeless snare,
Aly soul springs winged and away,
Remembering that wild ducks aess above Benioia
Bsyi
Or when night finds me toiling still.
an back again the gTesning hill,
shepherd boy al set Of sur,
Folding his happy sheep and knowing all his tasks
are done.
Edwin Markham, IN the Nautilus
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
Buncoing the Press.

From the Kansas City Star.
Speaker Cannon's scheme TO discredit
President Roosevelt by appointing a bogus
TO Investigate" the paper trust
and to show that the extortions of the
trust are due to the non-enfoTcement Of
the law, not TO the operation Of the tariff
is based on the speakers assumption that
he can openly "bunco" all the newspaper
publishers of the country, This is "going
some" even for Cannon.
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
AdvancInE freight Rates

Prom the Wall Street Journal
The net outcome Of advancing freight
rates would be tc increase prices to con-
sumers wherever possible. leaving them 20
meet the situation as best they may. The
unfortunate feature Of such adjustments
is that prices are advanced out Of all pro-
portion to the advances in rates, with the
not improbable effect Of discouraging con-
sumption and thus provoking further cur
taflmcnt in demand
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
Needs the Money.

From the Hartford Times
The Treasury deficit is assuming such
portentous proportions that the national
government would consider 1t a great
favor If the Standard oil Company would
promptly come forward and pay that
S29. 10000 fine into Uncle Sans strong
box
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30

Secretary Taft win take ship for Pan
anna at this port. and he win find, as
usual, a cordial welcome while in
Charleston-lf that be treason, Rfake the
most of it," says the Charleston News
and Courier. But that won't be treason;
Il will be eharacteristically Charleston
iani
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
More in Reserve.

From the Baltimore American
When Congress receives a special Presi-
Dental message these days it must feel
very much like the public witnessing the
fourth farewell appearance Of some great
prima donna
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
- .

Our new stenographer is a remarkably
clever girl"
''HOW's fhat2"
she got her Merry Widow on straight
with nothing to aid her except a tiny
hand-glass"
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30

Count Boni de Castelane says his erst-
while wife Is "a very extravagant
woman" She certainly is, or she never
would have bought Boni in the first place,
and even asked for market quotations on
IIelie in the second!
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
A Cnnfracf .HreaIer.

Il refuse to sign the papers" declared
the popular actress for the fourth time.
II don't know why" murmured the
manager az q safe distance. signing
the papers doesn't seem 20 have any
significance for her in real life"
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
Draw the LIne somewhere.

From the Philadelphia Press
The arrest Of forty men in one day for
splitting on the sidewalk in Pittsburg
makes it evident that. after all, every
thing doesn't go in that city.
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30

Gov Hughes recently appointed a
Democrat to office over the head of Re-
publican, for the reason that he con-
sidered the former the best qualified
man for the place" Rum proposition.
that man Hughesl
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
Versatility.

From the Baltimore Sun
Andrew Carnegie has taken to writing
poetry. Il only remains for Henry Van
Dyke to start an iron foundry.
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
Healthy, Anyway.

From the Toledo Times
An authority on health says that It de-
pends almost entirely on ventilation. That
ought to settle the argument in favor Of
the peek-a-bOo waist
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30

If Judge Gray gets tired of seeing his
number Of delegates remain six, he might
turn the figure upside down and make it
look 50 per cent bigger. anyhow.
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30

A Leland Stanford University student
ate a toadfrog, because some one bet him
he wouldn't The effect higher education
has on some boys is plainly evidenced in
this case
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30

along in years. but
that does not hinder
him being on the job.
He was born in 1874.
had received his edu-
cation and graduated
from Dartmouth Col
lege, before some OF
the members OF the
Slxtieth Congress had
been born. He was
admitted to the bar
IN 1870 at Boston, and
has practiced there
ever since. He was
elected TO the general
court Of Massachu-
sets from Weymouth.
and served IN the
State senate for two
terms. Mr.. Tlrrell vas
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
Denver Hospitality.

Il guess them Denver fellers are aim
in to put things In poorly fine shape fer
tn convention"
Yep. Jim Bangs told me that even III
air is gOin' TO be ratified"
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30

That visiting delegation Of distinguished
japanese gentlemen before sailing from
New York a few days ago cOnfded to q
reporter that our women ere
the most beautiful in the world. How can
we talk Of war with nation that never
0verlooks any bets at all?
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
Let,s Hear CON Gates.

From the Chicago Record Herald.
Confidence cannot be regarded as having
been fully restored until il is announced
that John W Gates has bet a million on
something.
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
A Real Cnxus BeIII.

From the Louisville Courier-JouFnal
If there is any real reason to ga to war
with Japan it is that she is the iIstigator
Of the latest exposition.
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30

ter what its shape, size, or complexion.
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30

The following headline appeared in
Georgia daily recently: Giant cyclone
RACES throughout the State" That is in
defnisei it may refer 20 atmospheric con-
ditions, and il may refer to Hoke Smith.
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
A Curious Fact.

Water swells wood"
1T must. I've often noticed that a
novelist will wreck skif and then float
enough timber onto the desert isle TO
build a town
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
FniIinr Mennrles

From the Portland orsgoRnR.
There are times. too. when the public is
disposed 70 think that loss Of memory
ought to be made a penal @onense.
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
Tr,n Q

''You can't gid refined gold
How about whitewashing the Lilley?'
inquired the man who is interested in
Congressional affairs.
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30

Don't worry! Our jingo friends viii
find plenty Of reasons explaining why
none Of those things they said were going
10 happen If we didn't get four battle
ships haven't happened. and won't hap
nan
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
The sober Second Tboyeh.

Il see that the latest address by Mark
Twain didn't contain A single joke"
Il suppose the audience didn't notice
this until after ii stopped laughing and
thought it over"
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30

At a party In jamestown. Kans. a few
days ago a large number of might
caps were sold for 81 each. jamestown
must be one Of the real things in the
way of prohibition settlements.
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
Unusual.

Mother Nature is, by jlng,
In kindly mood.
Seems peculiar to find spring
Acting as IL should.
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30

Gen. Stoessel says he docs not like
prison life" The general evidently made
a sad mistake when BE decided not to be
a trust magnate.
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30

What America needs is a quiet 2resi-
dent" says Mr.. Richard Croker. II Mr..
Croker were a Republican. we should
know he meant "at least, until after the
election"
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
CAPITOL GOSSIP.

A hard-worked member. but one who
bears his burden well. is Charles Quincy
.Tirrell. representing the Fourth district
of Massachusetts. Mr.. Tsrrell is getting
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30

Helen Gould begins TO see how wise
she was not to marry" says the Birming
ham Age Herald. Not TO marry French
''nobIeman," at least.
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30

"A scientist says the primeval oyster
was a foot long IN that case, how wide
was the gullet Of prineTal man?" asks the
Richmond News Leader. What difference
did that maks. so far as swallowing the
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
A Perverted Appetite.

u don't Ike to dine at the Flash
leighs."
why not?''
They always have q cocktail for an
appetizer"
Weir
After 1 drink the cocktail / don't have
an appetite for anything but cocktails"
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
So long, Aprlll

We know 1t win make Castro sore
when he reads what some of our SEN
ators have been saying about the "ridlcu-
lous probability of war" in the near fu-
turei
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30

Hist! Senator Davis Is about TO twist
the octopus tail again; or whatever It is
ne does to the octopus when he wants 70
make IL snort
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30

Senator Tillman is improving right
along. but he is missing lots OF fun. He
has both our congratulations and our
sympathy.
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30

Nov Il is rVluOred that RaisOuli isn't
dead, after all IL that be true. we have
wasted a first-class obituary on him; but
never mind, we hope Il is true, neverthe-
Iessi
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30

No matter what the Reuterdahls may
think of that feet, it evidently looks
mighty good to California
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30

An Indiana contemporary thinks the
telephone company In its town should be
sentenced to 400 years in the pan" The
frying pan, Va oppose.
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
Complaint,

These old saws amt no good"
How, now?'
" Eat, drink. and be merry they say;
but be dyspeptic is the way it works"
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30

Financial dullness prevails In japan, -
says contemporary. Old General Apathy
in charge of the situation, doubtless.
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
PLAIN DEALS.

From tie Cleveland Plaindealsr.
Keep I9 Handy.
Don't put your overcoat away;
You'll need It almost any day
For overeoats in moth bass rolled
Defy the moths. but not the cold.
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30

Anybody can raise children properly"
says the Monroe (Wis.) Journal. Any
hOdYs but their own
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30

death to all flies" is the battle cry on
The Pacific Slope This crusade should in
-eTest the baldheaded men tremendously.
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30

Sir Henry Campbell -Bannerman, II is
said. never joked People who wear side
whiskers seldom do.
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
or Mend Rent. in HIs Trousersf

Or Mend Rents IN HIS IrOuseFsf
From the Charleston News and Courier
William Alien White writes that Mr.
Taft ''ean hook up his wife's dress In the
back" but can any woman keep buttons
on the vests of a man like Taft?
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30
better.

History states that hungry, young Ben
Franklin bundled into Philadelphia with
a roll"
That was better than rolling into
town with q bun"
The Washington herald., 1908-04-30

A certain American claims that he was
a giraffe on this earth one thousand years
ago. Doubtless he is a "rubberneek'' this
time