Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1908-10-09
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Old Gentleman-ALdi If you had five
hundred dollars and multiplied it by
two, what would you get? Boy
'Nautmobile !-Harper's Weekly.
Teacher-Parse court" Pupil--
Court" verb, active, Indicative mood,
present tense, and agrees with all the
girls in the Observation-Disclosures.
Father-Got fall, did your Well,
hope you didn't cry like baby. Son
No, dad, 1 didn't cry. l just said one
word--the same as you'd have said
Punch.
What sort of looking chap is Gus.
sy?" "Well, if you ever see two men
in corner and one looks bored to
death, the other one is Gussy. London
Opinion.
Mother (crossly)-Tommy, haven't /
told you you must not talk when am
talking? Tommy-But, mamma, you
won't let me stay up after you go to
bed Sketch.
DO you think he can afford to keep
an auto?" HE ought to. He's been
an amateur photographer for three
years and that didn't break him. DE
troit Free Press.
Strahger-Been a cyclone or an
earthquake round here recently? Off
Ger Nav this hycr's college town,
an ne Of the students had birthday
party.-Harper's Weekly.
Mistress-Now, remember, Bridget,
the Joneses are coming for dinner.
Cook--Leave 1t to me, mum. I'll do
me worst! They'll never trouble yez
again ILLUSTRATED Bits.
"You say you acted like a perfect
lady throughoutY' Sure yer honor;
when he tips his hat to me an me not
KNOWN him. ups with a rock an
caves In his ce."-Houston Post.
Medium (impressively) It's the
spirit Of your late husband, madam.
He wishes to speak with you. Mrs.
Peck-It can't be poor Henry; he
never had no splrit.-Boston Tran
script.
Teachcr-What is it, Tom? Tom
Jimmy's swearing! Teacher-What
did he say? Tom-Well, marin, If you
say over all the cuss words you know,
I'll tell you when you come to it
Kansas City Star.
The American globe-trotter-Ta
about travelling. Why, iii America
trains go so fast that 1t takes two peo-
pie to talk about 'em-one to say
Here she comes" and the other to
say, There she goes."-The Sketch.
Mrs. O'Hoolihan-This, payper says
there do be sermons in sthones. Phwhat
d. yez think av thot? O'Hoolihan-Oi
dunno about the sermons, but many
good ar-rgument has COON out av
brick, Oi'm thinkin'.-Chicago News.
81 tell you," said Sinnick, "men are
getting so deceitful these days that you
can't trust your best friends" "And
what's WORSE" interrupted Burroughs,
gloomlly, "you can't get your best
friends to trust you.",-Philadelp
Press.
So remarked the boyhood frieno,
you are in the SWIM" Mother and
the girls think l am" answered Mr..
Cumrox. But my personal feelings are
those of man who has fallen over
board and ought to be hollering for
Washington Star.
Teacher-If you are kind and polite
to your playmates, what will be the
result? Scholar-They'll think they
can lick me me!-Philadelphia Inquirer.
He-That fellow over there cheated
me out Of a cool million. She--How
could he? He-Wouldn't let me marry
his daughter.-The Pathfinder.
"Just this way, sir" said the courte-
Gus clerk in the railroad ticket office.
Let me show you some summer guides
entitled Where to Co and When to
Co." The man with the modest in
come shook his head. ''They don't in
terest me-" he sighed. '"What want
to know is How to Co. Chicago
Daily News.
Professor" said Mrs. Gaswell to the
distinguished musician who had been
engaged at high price to entertain her
guests, "what was that lovely selection
you played just now?' THAT madam"
he answered, glaring at her, "was an
improvisation" "Ah, yes, l remember
now. l knew 1t was an old favorite,
but l couldn't think Of the name Of 1t