davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
Birds That Make lncubators.

In the incubator the pale yellow
chicks, their soft down not yet quite
dry in places, fell in their attempts to
rise and walk, like men dead drunk.
'There's another" said the chicken
farmer as an excited little head came
out of an egg. "Wonderful things,
these 1ncubators. Would you believe
that there's a bird that makes them?
eyes, sir; bird, the megapode,
makes it's own incubator every time it
has nest Of eggs. It isn't bothered,
like other birds, with the long and
monotonous work Of sitting.
'The megapode halls from Australia,
the Barrier reef country. Its incuba-
tor is simple affair, merely a great
mound Of leaves. In these leaves it
buries it's eggs, knowing that in that
hot, moist climate the leaves will fer
ment and in their fermentation give
off Just enough heat to hatch the
chicks.
"Who can deny intelligence to this
bird, which makes it's own incubator
to hatch out it's own eggsY-New Or
leans Times-Democrat.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
A Sporting Parson.

The inhibition of hunting rector
by his bishop reminds correspondent
that the Rev. Jack Russell, the ia
nous west country sporting parson,
was once cited to appear before the
bishop of Exeter to answer charges OF
neglecting his spiritual and parochial
duties, and he was also demonstrated
with for keeping and following pack
of hounds. The charges were proved
unfounded, and Russell refused to
give up the sport, which he continued
to pursue almost to the day of his
death in 1883, at the age of eighty
eight. Besides being an Unsuitable
hunter, he was, as his biographer
pithily remarks, "a stanch supporter
Of Devonshire Wrestlers, an admirable
sparrer and an enthusiastic upholder
Of the virtues of DeVonshire cider and
cream" And In the pulpit he tried to
reform conduct rather than to ex-
pound doctrine and was stern de-
nouncer of bad language, strong
drink and "the filthy habit of smok-
ing."-St. James Gazette. -.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
First Silver Hing.

The first silver wedding dates back
to the time Of Hughes Capet. The serv-
ants. says Home Chat, belonging to
him had grown gray in his service, a
man and a woman, and what could he
do as a reward? Calling the woman,
he said !: our service is great, greater
than the mans, whose service Is great
enough, for the woman always finds
work harder than man, and therefore
I will give you reward. At your
age know OF none better than dow
~ and a husband. The dowry is here
this farm from this time forth be-
longs to you. # this man, who has
worked with you five and twenty
years, is willing to marry you, then the
husband is ready I.
"Your majesty said the: old peas
ant, chow is it possible that we should
marry, having already silver hairs?''
Then 1t shall be a silver wedding"
And the king gave the couple silver
enough to keep them in plenty.
This soon became known all over
France and raised such enthusiasm that
1t became a fashion after twenty-fi five
years Of married life to celebrate sill
yer wedding. s.<&
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
journalistic Revenues,

The curious boycott Of the press in
the Berlin parliament had a precedent
in the mother Of parliaments, the Brit
ish house Of commons. A writer In
Harpers Weekly recalls that the per-
son involved was no less a celebrity
than the late Daniel O'Connell. He
condemned the inaccuracy of the par
liamentary reports, but he forgot to
make allowance for acoustic difficulties
and the buzz Of intervening converse
ton. He charged the reporters with
the malicious suppression of his speech
es, and the gallery then refused to re-
port him at all. Dan stormed and
Numbered in vain, even moving that
the ringleaders be brought to the bar
Of the house. Finally he apologized,
and all was we'll. Lord Lyttleton in
1871 fell foul Of the press in the same
way, and the late Lord Monteagle had
his name omitted from London news
paper reports for two years because he
said something the reporters did not
like.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
a Pho netic Purchase.

The late Henry Miller, who was
guide, philosopher and friend to many
book lovers within thousand miles
OF New York, was a most successful
salesman. One day he called on Coils
y. Huntington and showed him rare
lcOpy-Of book.
There are two volumes Of this,''
said Mr.. Miller. The other volume
is In perfect order, as you see this
one is. You cannot possibly let them
escape you, for you know you have
nothing like this In your library
What is the price?'' asked the rail-
road king.
Seven hundred dollars" said the
bookman.
'9rhose are too valuable volumes for
my library" Mr.. Huntington ex-
claimed. .
Mr.. Miller went back to his place
and sent the books to Mr.. Hunting
tons house with a bill for 800. Next
day the railroad king sent for him.
"Why did you send me those books p
he demanded sharply. ....ssf,
because you bought them," was
the bookman's calm reply. 4
Il certainly did not!'' cried the mil:
lionaire. s3.z
ooh, yes, you did!'' answered Mr..
Miller. you'll remember perfectly
well when I tell you what you said.
You told me distinctly, Those are
two valuable volumes for my libra
ry.' "-Harper's Weekly. !;
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
Books Of Reference.

Newspaper editors like to answer
questions addressed to them by their
seaders-if they are not too hard
and they deem themselves as 'arbiters
rather than as accessories to a mis-.
demeanor when they are appealed to
for information ito decide a bet" But
they wonder sometimes why certain
questions are put to them for arbitra-
ment when the answers are to be
found in one Of three very accessible
books-an almanac, a grammar and q
small dictionary. rs % ~ :. p - : .s.-.~ -
These are books Of reference that
ought to be in, every home library,
however small. We guess that they
are, but that they are sometimes dusty
with misuse or out of easy reach on q
top shelf. It is we'll to have an al
manac, a dictionary or an atlas handy
when you are reading your newspaper
By consulting them frequently the
reader will find his daily paper relates
his early historical studies to present
events and makes his touch with the
world closer and more significant. Get
the habit!-New York Mail.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
The Treasury Vaults.

The first question the average Wis
itor to the United States treasury
building asks is, "Couldn't burglars
tunnel under the vaults and rob the
government?' Well, that is not likely.
An armed guard sits beside the vaults.
Every twenty minutes he is required
to ring an alarm just to show that he
IS awake. An armed patrol makes the
rounds hourly. Secret service men in
plain clothes, with concealed weapons,
keep watch and ward outside and in
side the building: AS to tunneling, the
officials hold that If man by any pos
sibility should manage to bore under
meath a vault the heavy metal would
crush him to a Jelly, thus administer
ing lasting gold cure. Even If the
tunnel burglar should get away with
his life he could not get away with
much gold Ten thousand dollars in
double eagles weighs thirty-eight
pounds. Forty million dollars in gold
certificates Of the $4,000 denomination
weighs eleven and a half pounds.
Even burglars prefer the gold certifi-
Gates to the real thing.-Buffalo Times.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
forecastle Gourmets.


~Scouse, or lob scouse, a parsons
face sea pie, Junk, tack, slush and duff
there's q meal ye can't beat no
where's" said the sailor.
eyes," he went on, I'VE can talk
about yer ris de veau, yer vol au vent,
yer mouses and other French dishes,
but they amt none O. them In it with
sea fare dished up by good sea law
yer.
"Scouse is soup, soup made O salt
beet. Add some good sea vegetables
to it, stitch as spud sprouts and split
peas, and -ye get an extra fine soup,
what is gener'ly called lob scouse. Pot
au feu Is Stops beside rich lob scouse.
"Foller up yer scouse with parsons
face sea pie. That's pie made Of bull
locks head. Good? Why, friend,
there amt nothin' like it on earth.
"Junk is salt beef. Junk amt no
brain food 1t don't strengthen the
mind like OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES, but,
by tar, I'd ruther have 1t than caneton
a la presse or a supreme de sole.
'aTack and slush is the sailors bread
and butter. What if We do have to
break yer tack with tack hammer,
and what if yer slush is sometimes
strong enough to queer the compass
Sailors need strong food, for they must
do their work."-Cincinnati Enquirer.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
Nine. Geoffrin's Husband.

Nine Geoffrin, like most Frenchw0-
men, had the gift Of making phrases.
When Rulhiere had read in her salon
a work upon Russia, which she feared
might involve him in difficulties, she
offered him a sum Of money to burn
it. The author waxed Wroth at the In
situation implied and broke out into
an eloquent assertion Of his courage
and Independence. She listened pa
tiently and then in quiet tone Of
voice said, .'How much more do you
want, Nj. Rulhiere?" She married at
the age Of fourteen NJ. Geoffrin,
wealthy glass manufacturer and lieu
tenant colonel Of the national guard.
His duty as husband seems to have
been to provide the funds for her So
cial campaigns and to watch over the
details Of the menage. It is related Of
him that some person gave him his
tory to read and when he asked for
the ,.. successive volumes regularly
palmed off upon him the first, as if it
were new. At last he was heard to
say that he thought the author Ere
peated himself a little" A book print
ed in double columns he read straight
across. the page, remarking that lit
seemed to be very good, but was rath-
er abstract" One day visitor in
quired after the silent, white haired
old gentleman who was in the habit
of sitting at the head of the table,
"Oh, he was my husband" replied
Nine. Geoffrin, "before he died!'-
ArQonaut. r'@:.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
"A Mouul Hero,

Here Is a little vignette of 1Babar,
the first Of the great moguls. At elev-
en- he succeeded to his kingdom of
Ferghana:: His father was accidental
~ killed, and 'I,"says the boy, 'tim-
mediately mounted in great haste and,
taking such followers as were at hand,
set out to secure my throne" He sue
ceeded in holding 1t, nearly lost it by
trusting traitor who was "the best
player at leapfrog he had ever SEEM
and actually lost it by grasping at the
possession of Samarkand. Then came
two years Of wandering. Then he got
Ferghana again and lost it a second
time by trying to make his Mongol
soldiers restore their loot to the peas
antry. And all this before he was
seventeen! Thirty-two years later he
died, the last scene being the most
striking Of all. His darling son
Humayun was desperately i'll. Only
some great sacrifice could save him,
said the doctor. He entered the cham
Der, walked round the bed three times,
saying, 'On me be thy suffering" and
a few days afterward died.-London
Spectator.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
Mr.. DAMPlER'S CHARGES.

On the first page of this issue
of the Pioneer is printed a COM
munication from E. r. Dampier Of
Akeley, county attorney of Hubbard
county, wherein Mr.. Dampier answ-
ers the resolutions purported to
have been adopted recently by the
Park Rapids Commercial club, which
denied statements formerly made in
the Pioneer by Mr.. Dampier, anent
the Encouragement of the affairs at
the Itasca State Park. While the
Pioneer. is not fully informed as to
these charges, we have every reason
to believe that Mr.. Dampier is
sincere in his allegations, as he has
often visited the park, and usually
gets reliable information.
The Pioneer believes that every
resident of the state, and more es.
pecially the people residing within
a radius of 100 miles of the park,
are vitality interested in the manner
in which the park is managed and
as to its preservation along the
lines which were agreed to when
the state became the possessor of
the beautiful property.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
A Little Gard Trick,

"A Russian priest was SO devoted to
the amusement Of card playing that
he played up to the last moment be-
fore commencing the church services.
On one occasion, having particularly
good hand dealt him, be thrust the
cards into his pocket, intending to re-
turn and finish the game after the
service. Unluckily the cards fell out
on the church floor, to the extreme
scandal Of the congregation. The wit
ty priest, however, was fully equal to
the occasion. At the conclusion of the
service he beckoned up one Of the
choristers and asked him the names Of
several of the cards, which the boy
knew correctly. He then suddenly
asked the lad the name of the next
saints day, which the child could not
tell.
"'Seey' cried the priest, turning to
the congregation. "You teach your
children the names Of every card In
the pack and leave them ignorant of
their religion. Let this be the last
time I am compelled to bring playing
cards into the church to shame you"
And picking up his hand he made an
honorable retreat-London Answers.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
i" BeIlinu tho Cat"

"Who will bell the cat?' Is curl
GUS old proverb, famous in parable and
In history. The mice, says the para
BILE, held a consultation how to secure
themselves from the cat, and they re-
solved to hang bell about the cats
neck to give warning when she ap-
preached, but after they had resolved
on doing it they were as far off as
ever, for who would do it?
Both parable and proverb have i'm
mortalized themselves in history.
When the Scottish mobiles met at Stir
ling in body they proposed to take
Spence, the obnoxious favorite Of
James H., and hang him and so get
rid Of him.
"Ah," said Lord Grey, "that's very
well said, but who'll bell the cat?'
"That will l." said the black Earl
Angus. He undertook the task, accom-
plished it and was called "'Archibald
Bell the Cat" until his dying day.
Glasgow Times.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
Sarcasm In the Commons.

The reluctance Of the house of com
mons to adjourn over Derby day re-
calls a story related of one of the Ro-
man Catholic peers who took their
seats some four or five years before
the passage of the first reform bill aft
er an exclusion Of century and a
half. He gave notice that on certain
day he would make certain motion,
whereupon there arose from his noble
colleagues a general cry Of "Derby!'
The astonished novice named another
day, only to be greeted with an equal
" unanimous expostulation Of "Oaksl''
At this he, explained that he would
have to ask the forgiveness Of their
lordships; but, having been educated
abroad, he was forced to acknowledge
that he was not familiar with the list
Of saints days In the Anglican calen-
dar. ... i.i
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
a Good ouaIific "a. /

4 The mystery Of the negro mind Is
illustrated by a story which the Phila-.
delphia Record prints. John, the col
ored applicant for the position Of but
Ter in family living in one Of the
fashionable suburbs Of Philadelphia,
strove to impress his would be en-
ployer with his entire fitness for the
place. Z
ooh, yes, subj he said, IFS sholy well
educated, sub. rs passed civil serv-
Ice examinatio
Indeed" responded the gentleman,
that Is very fine, I'm sure, but I
can't say that that will be Of any par
ticular value to me in butler"
"No?' said the surprised applicant.
1T shore is strange how gemmen's
tastes do differ. Now, Mr. Williams"
naming his former employer, che say,
John, one thing I deman' is civil
service to nah guests an he done
gave me Examination RI there, sub,
an that's the truf." 5;S
Then the gentleman saw "a great
light. He replied:
eyes, you are quite right, John.
Civil service is very important and
rather unusual virtue, so if you have
passed that examination think wen
consider you engaged"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
The Dogskin Wouldn't Go Round.

The Dogskin Wouldn't Go Round.
Hungary swarms with barristers. It
Is the greatest ambition of the Hunga-
| rian peasant to make one of his sons
an advocate.
The son of small farmer in the
neighborhood Of Budapest was sent by
his father to the law school of that
town, but either from lack of parts
or the necessary application he was
plucked in the qualifying examina-
ton.
Not daring to return to the paternaI
abode empty handed after all the mon
ey that had been spent on his educa-
ton, he conceived and executed the
plan Of forging a legal diploma. The
father was not, however, so ignorant
as not to be aware that such diplomas
are always written on parchment
kutya-ber (dogskin)-in Hungary.
'Why is your certificate not made out
on kutya-ber?" asked the old man.
"The fact is, father" coolly replied
the youth, there are more barristers
than dogs in Hungary, and so there is
not enough kutya-ber to make diplo-
mas for us all."-London Answers.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
Cams Dry Humor.

When the gallant Welsh captain
David Gam was sent forward by
Henry V. to. reconnoiter the French
army before the battle Of Agincourt
he found that the enemy outnumbered
the English by about five to one His
report to the king is historic: ..
'There are enough to be killed,
enough to be taken prisoners and
enough to run away"
This quaint forecast of the result of
the battle at once spread through the
camp, and doubtless every yeoman
archer Of the valiant company felt an
inch taller. We know that it was al
most literally justified by the event.
Poor Cams dry humor was equaled
by his courage. he was killed while
in the act Of saving the life of his
prince.-London Standard.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
A Queer Cansus.

"When I was last in India," said the
globe trotter, "they were taking: the
census. The returns were most re-
markable. In the Allahabad census
thirty-fve citizens described them
selves as men who rob with threats
Of Violence There were 226 'fatter-
ers for GAIN There were twenty five
hereditary thieves There were twen-
ty-nine 'howlers at funerals There
were 145 ear cleaners There were
seventy-six makers of crowns for
IDOLS There were fourteen theredi-
tary painters Of horses with spots
There were nine professional false
Witnesses
1T seems remarkable, doesn't it?
Maybe, though, if we, too, told the
strict truth to the census taker our
own census would seem quite as quaint
as that Of India
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
A Misplaced Pin.

II was In an uptown tea room where
the scenery is all out of proportion to
the amount served you," said New
York clubman. II was dallying with
some ice cream when my spoon struck
Z common, everyday pin in the bottom
Of the frozen stuff. gave a little
wave, and a waiter slipped to my side.
See, pin in this Ice cream I said.
why, might have swallowed that
He took the glass and disappeared.
When he returned he reminded me Of
an, undertaken, he was that solemn.
THAT pin has lost man his Job, SIR
he said. WELL replied, 4 am sorry
for that, but it might have cost me my
life, when you come to think Of it.
Yes, SIR said the walter meekly. Then,
You see, sir, most Of the folks that
eats here Just sips their ice cream and
don't chew it.'"-New York Times.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
Tho Pirates.

The Chicago News fails to name the
hero Of this story, but has it that the
visitor to the home Of a well known
Hoosier State author found his three
youngsters romping in the hallway.
"t.What are you playing, boysT" he
inquired.
1--WE are playing pirates," elucidated
the smallest.
"Pirates7 Why, how can you play
pirates in Indiana? There are no seas
bordering on this state.'
"Oh, we don't need any seas. We
are literary pirates, like pa"
And five minutes later chorus Of
yells from behind the barn told that
the hand that Yields the pen can also
WELD the shingle.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
Distilled Water.

Distilled water after having been
exposed to the air is one of the most
salubrious of drinks. Its daily use in
measured quantities is helpful in
cases Of dyspepsia and greatly assists
the general functions of the body. Ev-
cry large steamer carries a water dis
filling apparatus by which sea water
is made fresh, In the days before
steamers primitive ~distilling apparatus
was used on warships and vessels car
rying passengers.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
Mathematics.

"Now, boys" said schoolmaster,
"a cabman who drove at the rate Of
six miles an hour left London, being
followed three minutes later by anoth-
er driver proceeding at the rate of
seven miles an hour. Where would
they meet?" 1850 -. -:
AT the nearest public house!" an
swered promising scholar.-London
Tit Bits.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
His Glasses.

he came home in the small hours
Of the morning, and his loving spouse
confronted him with wrath in her eye
and telegram in her hand, saying,
Here is news that has been waiting
for you since supper time." -
He blinked, looked wise and, braced
up against the hatrack, felt through
his pockets, murmuring, II left my
glasses down town." ~ =;
"Yes,"'' she replied, with scathing
irony, 'but you brought the contents
with you" s-'@ - 81
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
Not Graspinq.

"What a grasping fellow you are,
Hawkins! You've bothered me about
this bill fifty times in ten days. ~.
'sYou wrong me, farley. I'm not
grasping. I've bothered you about the
bill, I admit, but I haven't been able
to grasp anything yet" . s..st.cye
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
Outside Of His Practice,

: s:An that Is the matter with you, sir, i"
said the eminent physician after q
thorough examination, us lack of nu-
hjHon. You don't eat enough"
n eat all can hold, doctor" said
khe attenuated caller.
sThen you need to have your capac.
1H enlarged, and that's case for a
surgeon. Five dollars, please. Good
Chicago Tribune
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
Found Him Guilty.

i Counsel Ito the jury The principal
fault of the prisoner has been his I'M.
fortunate characteristic Of: putting,
faith in thieves and scoundrels of the.
basest description. have done. The
UNHAPPY man in the dock puts implicit
faith in you, gentlemen Of the jury!
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
Overtime.

'Look here" said the Office boy, II
think the boss ought to gimme bit
extra this week, but guess he won't"
"What for?'' asked the bookkeeper.
"FOr overtime. wuz dreamin' about
me work all las night" London
Truth.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
All DEPENDS.

All Depends.
Tourist-It looks like pretty good
soil around here. What crops do the
farmers grow in this section? Ma
tive - That all depends, stranger.
Tourist-Depends on what? Native
On what sort Of seed they puts in.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
Just So.

Just So. ~
II wish you would use your influ-
ence to get J1nx to attend our poker
party this evening"
>"Jinx! Why, he's the poorest poker
player you ever saww vi +
II know it."-HoustOn Post.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
A Lark.

81 What lark it would be II an egg
came down the chimneyl
No, It wouldn't, unless It was q lark's
egg, and even then not until It Was
Matched.
EggsactlYl
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1908-12-30
Sleepless,

Blobbs-Why don't you consult a
What! And run up more bills? Why,
it's because of what I owe him now
! that can't sleep.