davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16

voice exclaim, Where are you going
with that bed?
"T'm going upstairs with it, ma'am,
says Jack, whose backward position
favored his lie, and he began to walk
up again.
"'Come down here said the lady.
we want no beds here, man.
"'Mr. Sullivan, ma'am, sent me home
with it himself, ma'am,' said Jack, still
mounting the stairs.
"'Come down here, l tell you,' said
the lady in a great rage. There's no
Mr.. Sullivan lives here. Go out OF
this with your bed, you stupid fellow.
81 beg your pardon, ma'am,' says
Jack. turning round and marching off
with the bed fair and aisy."
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16
Crowded.

Crowded.
In the Berkshire hills there was a
funeral, and as the friends and mourn
ers gathered in the little parlor there
came the typical New England female
who mingles curiosity with sympathy,
and as she glanced around the dark
ened room she said to the bereaved
widow:
"Where did you get that new eight
day clock?'
1--WE amt got no new eight day
Clock
"You amt? What's that in the cor
ner thereY'
"Why, no, that's not an eight day
clock; that's the deceased. We stood
him on end to make room for the
mourners."
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16
Guilty Consciences.

The following advertisement recent
~ appeared in a London morning pa
per:
"The person who stole my umbrella
last Sunday in st. Paul's church is per-
sonally known to me, and unless he
shall return it before twenty-four
hours he will see his name printed in
this same paper. Address K. Y, 10
High street"
A dozen silk umbrellas were received
by the advertiser the following day,
each accompanied by note Of apology
for the involuntary mistake made.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16
A Conscientious Constituent.

Congressman Hull Of Iowa sent free
seeds to a constituent in a franked en-
velope, on the corner Of which was the
usual words, Penalty for private use,
$780," A few days later he received a
letter which read:
ST don't know what to do about
those garden seeds you sent me. I no.
tice it is $500 fine for private use.
don't want to use them for the public
I want to plant them in my private
garden. can't afford to pay $500 for
the privilege. Won't you see If you
can't fix it'so I can use them private.
ly7 lam law abiding citizen and do
not want to commit any crime"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16
- The -
Scrap Book
EVadinq the Issue.

An old woman who entered a coun-
try savings bank was asked whether
she wanted to draw or deposit.
''Nayther; Oh wants to put some mon
ey Ia
The clerk entered the amount and
pushed the slip toward her to sign.
'Sign on this line, please" he said.
"Above or below itY'
''Just above it,
''Me whole nameY'
Eyes"
Before OF was married?"
mo; just as it is now"
"Oi can't WROTE"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16
Aardened.

''Listen to this, Maria,' said Mr..
Stub as he unfolded his scientific pa
per. '"This article states that in some
of the old Roman prisons that have
been unearthed they found the petri-
fed remains of the prisoners"
Gracious, Johnv replied Mrs. Stub,
with smile. 81 suppose you would
call them hardened criminals"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16
AS Lincoln Might Have Put 1t.

A naval officer once went to Presi.
dent Cleveland, laying before him a
request for the appointment Of a
nephew to the Naval academy at An
napolis. "His father, my late brother
our father, grandfather and great
grandfather before him were all in the
service" the officer added.
The president did not speak for some
moments. When he did he said:
"As matter of fact, I am rather
disposed to grant the appointment
knowing as I do the young mans mer-
it's, but what you have just remarked
with reference to the long service of
the family in the navy fills me with
some doubt. I am tempted to ask
whether you do not think that it is
about time that one of the family went
to work for living"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16
GOLD.

Gold, gold, gold gold!
Bright and yellow, hard and cold,
Molten, craven, hammered and rolled.
Heavy to get and light to hold,
Hoarded, bartVred, bought and sold.
Stolen, borrowed, squandered, doled,
Spurned by the young. but Rugged by the
old
To the very edge of the churchyard mold!
Price of many crime untold,
Gold, gold gold, gold!
Good or bad thousandfold!>
How widely it's uses vary
To save, to ruin, to curse, to bless,
AS even its minted coins express.
Now stamped with the image Of good
Queen BesS e;
And now of bloody Mary!
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16
An Insldinus Danger

One of the worst features of kid
dey trouble is that it is an insidious
disease and befohe the victim real
ICES his danger he may have a fatal
malady. Take Foley's Kidney Cure
at the first sign of trouble as it COR
reefs irregularities and prevents
Bright's disease and diabetes.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16
HOW TO TRAP WILD ANIMALS

40 page trap book illustrated,
picture of 46 wild animals in natur-
al colors, FUR ANIMAL CALEN-
OAR, gun and trap catalog, also
prices of hides and furs. All sent
postpaid for loo stamps or silver.
FREE to those who ship to, or buy
of US. Address Fur Dept, N. W.
Hide & Fur Co.. Minneapolis, MINI.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16
How Jack Got the Bed.


ga sweetheart Of his was longing for
a feather bed" said Goggins, 'and
Jack determined to get 1t. Well, he
marched into a house, the door OF
which he found open, and went up
stairs and took the best feather bed
In the house, tied it up in the quilt,
crammed some caps and ribbons he
saw lying about into the bundle and
marched downstairs again. But, you
see, In carrying off even the small
thing Of a feather bed Jack showed
the skill of high practitioner, for ne
descendhered the stairs backward.
Backward! What was that forT
You'll see by and by. He descen-
ohered backward, when suddenly ne
heard door opening and a faymale
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16
A Choice of Two Evils.

: VEO
ST think 7 can quiet little Flora
said the professor. i'There's no use
in humming to her in that silly way.
What she wants is real music. The
fact that l used to lead our glee club
at college may make a difference too
He took the child and, striding up
and down the room, sang in his best
manner After awhile a ring was
heard, and the door was opened to adj
nit a little girl.
I'm one of the family that's just
moved into the fiat next to yours" she
said. There's a sick person with US,
and he says would you mind letting
the baby cry instead of singing to it?''
Ladies' Home Journal.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16
What the Nose Couldn't Do.

A Sunday school teacher tried tt
make the little ones understand differ
ent verses in the Bible by letting then
finish each sentence.
"The idol had eyes," she said, "but i
Couldn't
"Seev' cried the children.
'It had lips, but it Couldn't
Speak
cit had ears, but it Couldn't
"Hear"
cit had a nose, but it Couldn't
"Blow itr'
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16
Truthful.

Mark Twain once missed the train
which should have taken him to his
work. He did not wire any excuse
His telegram to his employer took this
form: "My train left at 1920. arrived
at the station at 1886 and could not
catch If
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16
Lack Rioht Qualities,

Mrs Hix-Mrs. June strikes me as
being entirely too masculine for a wo
man. Mrs. Dix-Yes, indeed. Why
every time she has an ache or pain
she makes as much fuss about it as a
man would.-Smith's Weekly.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16
Honors Were Easy.

A congressman's secretary, thinking
he heard burglars in the house, woke
the congressman.
"Sir,, sir,' he whispered sharply,
''there are burglars in the housev
"Well," he mumbled drowsily, $50
there are in the senate" -Everybody's
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16
Lizzie Reason, Bio Fuss.

Lit&!e Reason, Big Fuss.
Robert G. Ingersoll used to relate
an anecdote Of a Hebrew who went
into a restaurant to get his dinner.
The. Gevil Of temptation whispered in
his ear. Bacon" He knew that III
there was anything that made Jehovah
real white mad it was to see anybody
eating bacon. but he thought, maybe
he is too busy watching sparrows and
counting hairs to notice me-" and SO
he took slice The weather was de-
.lightful. when he went into the res
taurant. but when he came out the sky
was overcast, the lightning leaped
from cloud to cloud, the earth trem-
bled, and it was dark. He went back
into the restaurant, trembling with
fear, and, leaning over the counter,
said to the clerk, Ibid you ever hear
such fuss about a little piece Of
baconY
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16
No More Room.

Once in Dublin toward the end OF
the opera Satan was conducting Faust
through a trapdoor which represented
the gates of hades. His majesty got
through all right-he was used to go
ing below-but Faust, who was quite
stout, got only about halfway in, and
no squeezing would get him any far
Their Suddenly an Irishman in the
gallery exclaimed devoutly, 'Thank
God, hell is full"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16
He Had Room.

"Dear me, Tom, you eat good deal
for a little fellow" remarked Uncle
John to his nephew.
81 s'pect l aren't so little inside as
look outside" was Toms ingenious an
SWer.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16
Sweet Revenge.

A little boy came into a dentists
Office and had a troublesome tooth re-
moved. The boy asked for the tooth.
The dentist gave it to him and asked
why he wanted 1t.
I'm goin' to take the old thing home
an stuff it with sugar an watch it
ache"-Lippincott's
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16
Not a "Birth" In His Language.

+ A commercial traveller Is on friendly
terms with the porter Of sleeping car
that he uses frequently.
swell, Lawrence" announced the
salesman one morning gleefully, Il
have good news for you. We've had
a birth in our family-twins."
"Dat am no birth, sir; OATS a Sec
ton" Ladies' Home Journal.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16
impossible Combination.

'The time, the place and the girl!
How seldom we find them tOgetherp'
bah! The combination that we sell
dom find together is the man. the
shower and the umbrella Louisville
Courier-Journal.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16
Lots of Weather,

81 want to do some shopping today,
DEAR" said a fond wife-"that is, if
the weather is favorable. What is the
forecastY
At the other end of the table her
husband, consulting his paper, read
aloud, Rain, hail, snow, thunder, light
ming and foods"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16
LEGAL
N 0 T | C E S
Jan 2 to Jan 20
Notice of Final Settlement

Notice of Final Settlement
STATE OF WISCONSIN, COURT
FOR BAYFIELD, COUNTY
IN PROBATE
Notice Is hereby given that at a regule r
term of the county court to be held in and
Tor SAID county at the court house in the
city Of Washburn in said county, on the first
Tuesday of February 1905, the following
matJer will be heard and considered:
The application of Dora ID. Rust, Frank
Lee ID. Rust and Paul d. Rust, executors Of
the estate OF William A. Rust, late of the
town OF Drummond in said county, deceas-
ed, for the examination and allowance of
their final account, of their administration.
ard for the assignment of the residue of the
estate OF said William A. Rust deceased to
such other persons as are by law entitled to
the same
By order of the court,
Dated January End, 1908.
WIN II. IRIsH
County Judge.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16
Retrenchino.

IT tell you, they are retrenching."
"But they still have their auto"
(which they run well within the
speed limit. Bahw-Louisville Courier
Journal.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16
How She Said 1t.

Indignant Mother-And so he kissed
you three times? Now, what did you
say to him?
Artless Daughter-Why, l said:
"Don't! Stopv'
She did, only it sounded like, Don't
stOp!'
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16
Where He Got His Money.

Howell-That fellow has made for
tune out of one book. Powell-He's an
author, is he? HOwell-No, the book
/ refer to was his father-in-law's check
book.-Exchange
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16
BY RIGHT of Birth.

Hunter-Are you an American citi-
zen, Pat? Pat-Faith, an l am that!
/ was born in Donegal, but twas on
the Fourth iv July.-Harper's Weekly.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16
Reformed.

did she marry her husband to re-
form him?'
Il guess so. She reformed him, all
right
"Why, he drinks like q fish,
81 know it. but he didn't use to be-
fore she married him. '-Houston Post.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16

When a man wears long chin whisk-
ers it may be because his wife in
sists upon buying his neckties.-Phil-
adelphia Record.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16

dec Is to Jan 23)
State of Wisconsin-In Circuit
Court for bayfield, County.
Washburn Loan & Building Association.
Plaintiff,
Louis Fuge.
Defendant.
The State Of Wisconsin to the said Defend
ant:
You are hereby summoned to ~appear
within twenty days after service of this
summons. exclusive of the day of service
ana defend the above entitled action in the
court aforesaid; and in case of your failure
so to do. judgment will be rendered against
you according to the demand of the COM
plant. JOHN WALSH
Plaintiffs Attorney.
T, y. Address: Washburn Bayfield, County.
Wisconsin.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1908-01-16
Buy an Try a Box Tonight,

While you think of it, go buy and
try box of Cascarets Candy Ca
thartic, ideal laxative, tonight. You'll
never regret it. Genuine tablets
stamped G. c. c. Never sold ir
oulk. All druggists, 1oc.
Der Deutsche beobachter. [volume] (New Philadelphia, Ohio) 1869-1911, 1908-01-23

Die q
einer grDb
berlGfiiger
fuhungsdmt
aIgemeine &c
prenben burha
preuBifhe Staa.
lIeberiidt ber I
@sl9liii7e oes
mitt9eilf, bon Grfol.
pDrousjihtli9 i'm nd,
3iel iiberalI erreimt 1e
5beitebt ferner bic Mbiihl
tighten Weinbaugebitten
(Megiernngsbt3irfe Srie.
unb @iesbahen) meinfel
Ieure dn3uitelIen. Sur Sc
BON 5tduts sbeibilfe,. fiir ibre
hung fpsrben ii Sen Gtnt Fill
.entfpre4eno MitteI eilt9eittllt iDe
0ie @rflGrunoen iinb es Oft,
tine Sa6s DerlnnttIis
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-05-20
GREER.
(delayed)

The birthday party given by
Mr. and Mrs VIM Crooks in hon.
or of their daughter, Miss Adelia's
twenty. first birthday, was quite a
success. Those present were Miss
cs Adelia Crooks, Amy Crooks
Minnie Rice, Gusta Sterne, Estha.
Carson, Arlene Stephenson, Syl-
via Crooks, Messrs Harry Sterne,
Earl Byer, Geo Daugherty, Ever
ett Greer, Earl Carson, Tom Sci
by, Harry Stephenson, Carl Car
son and Ancil Rice. Several
presents were received and all re-
ported nice time.
Miss Vida Clendenin, of Alex
ander, Ind, who has been visiting
relatives here for some time, re-
turned home last Wednesday ac-
companied by her aunt, Miss Co
ra Edwards.
JE Carson was visiting at Ra.
venswood Sunday.
Mr. Roscoe Fowler and sister,
Miss Enney, of Middleport, spent
Saturday and Sunday here with
their parents, Mr. and Mrs Dan
Fowler. They were accompanied
by their friend, Miss Jennie Hud-
con.
Miss Minnie Carson was the
guest of Miss Ora Eckard Sunday
Walter Crooks, wife and little
daughter, Roma, spent Sunday
with his parents, Mr. and Mrs
VIM Crooks.
Ancil Dice was calling on
friends at New Haven Friday.
Mr. and Mrs McHatfie, ofCleve-
land, are here visiting relatives
and friends.
Cert Ankrum, wife and child
rem left Wednesday for Alexan-
der, Ind, where they will per-
haps make their future home.
Vashti.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-05-20
pERsoMAL

If any person snspeots that their
kidneys are deranged they should
take Foley's Kidney Remedy al
once and not risk having Bright't
disease or diabetes. Delay givee
the disease stronger foothoId and
you should not delay taking Fo-
leys Kidney Remedy.
1t is pity to see a person neg.
leot indications of kidney or blad.
der trouble that may result in
Bright's disease when Foley's Kid
ney Remedy will correct irregular.
tiles and strengthen these organs
'Tako Foley's Kidney Remedy al
the first sign of'danger,
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-05-20
NO Al
IT'S SUMMER.

Whew! Somebody said sum
mer wasn't coming too, Butjust
now the author of that remark is
looking for cool place, and, per-
haps for cooling drink. The
people have been praying for
summer and then cussing because
their prayers were not answered
promptly for sometime. Now
the aforesaid prayers have been
answered with a vengeance and
the petitioners are not sure that
they are satisfied.
To say the least the sudden
change from the cold drizzly
weather oftwo weeks ago to this
sure enough summer time makes
it hard on folks, People sweat
and fume and fan but most of
them are afraid to take off their
underclothing for fear Mr.. Bass
Ter will haveit turn cold again.
"A few bold spirits however, are
taking thisstep. Peekaboo waists
which for sometime have been
peekaboo in name only are now
becoming the real thing again.
Strw hats too, are growing in fa-
vor but their wearers have learnc
ed to distrust the weather man
and have not yet put their winter
duds into the moth balls.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-05-20
Messages to a prnggiat.

A Philadelphia druggist has made
the following collection of am musing
missives that have been sent to
him from time to time:
"I have a cute pain in my baby's
stummiok. Please give bearer
something to cure it,"
"My little girl has eat up lot
of buttons Please send a nemetio
by the enclosed boy"
deer Doctor dog bit my child
on the leg please send some cork
plaster and cutter eyes."
"Please send by bearer one pos.
tai oard. Also kindly give bearer
my con, some lioorice root"
Deer Doctor wot is good for tire.
foy fever send some quick 1 got
it,"
Let my Johnny have glaes of
sody water. / wud come myself
but / am washing. p. 8 the five
cents is for the soda water"
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-05-20
Chronic CONSTIPATION cured.

One who suffers from chronic
constipation is in danger of many
serious ailments Foley's Orino
Laxative cures chronic oonstipa.
tion as it ages digestion and stim.
ulates the liver and bowels, restor-
ing the natural cotton of these or.
gans. Commence taking it today
and you will feel better at onoe
Foley's Orino Laxative does not
nauseate or grippe and is pleasant
to take. Refuse substitutes.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-05-20
HUNTINGTON.

Roy and Clinton Sands, sons of
G w and Odessa Sands, left Sat
urday, the End, for the National
Orphans Home Jr. o. U. A. M,
at Tifin, o., accompanied by Jas
Wamsley, of Henderson Council
No. 70, at which place they will
make their future home and re-
ceive an education, which place is
noted as one of the finest home
and schools in existence, and at
which place all orphan children
of members in good standing go
and be cared foruntil 18 years of
age.
Dorcey Fisher was visiting her
cousin, Mrs e Ii King and family
of 1914 Maple avenue last week.
Frank Thornton, of Detroit,
Mich, and Howard Wah, of
Beech Hill, were visiting relatives
and friends in this city last week.
Miss Wanda Fisher, of North
Point Pleasant, was in this city
last week and also in Catletts-
burg.
Miss Mary McCloid, of Red
mond, is employed at the Home
for Incurable, she was also down
in the city Saturday shopping.
A Mason County Boy.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-05-20
PoINT PLEAsAT MAs0N COUNTY, WEsT VIRGINIA WEDNEsDA
Horrible Death.
Osboane Moore, of Glenwood
Killed In a Grist Mill.

MIR o. t. Moore, of Glenwood,
went to the grist mill Saturday,
and gottsome corn ground. He
threw his sack of meal on leavin
the mill across his horse's back
and started for home. He had a
long overcoat on and as he rode
off the coat caught in the ma
chinery and he wasjerked off his
horse and beaten to death before
the machinery could be stopped.
He was plain, unaesuming, in
offensive kind of a man and had
many friends, and was about %
years old. His mother was a Mu-
ray and is still living. His father
has been dead several years.
Gallipolis Tribune.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-05-20
CAPT THoRNBuRe
Tells Many Interesting Events in
Palmy Steamboat Days.

Capt. John Thornburg. of Point
pheasant. was in town Wednesday
and says that he noticed in the
Tribune where Capt. Greene had
said that he believed the fastest
time ever made between Wheeling
and Pittsburg was by the Little
Fred, The Capt. says that the
steamer Pittsburgh holds that REQ.
ord, having made the distance of
80 miles between Wheeling and
Pittsburg in 10'hours and 5 min
utes and made one passenger land
ing.
He noticed also about the boats
carrying money and says it wac a
common custom for him TO Garry
money. when he was on the river
between 1866 and 1879, to all the
banks. rolling mills. nail mills. salt
furnaces, eto, free of charge only
when they had to sign bill oil
lading. In carrying money foI
the First National Bank of CALI.
polls, Mr.. E. Deletombe never
failed to give him box of good
oigsrs every month which be
smoked with great appreciation
Sometimes they had over 100000
on the boat at one time.
He remembers that on the Sd OF
April, 1870. when Capt Holloway
as in command of the Fleetwood
and he was in the office, they had
had 100000 or more on the boat
when at one O'Clock in tho morning
the boat caught on fire between
Ripley and Maysvill. They had a
deck passenger whom they were
going to put off at Maysville. He
had been allowed to sit in the hall
front Of the office Iand was the
first to discover the fire. Being an
old eteam mboatman and knowing
just what to do, he ran to the hose
and turned the water on and ex-
,inguished the fire and for that aot
got life pass on any of the steam
ers of the Big Sandy line for him.
self and family as long as he lived
Gallipolis Tribune.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1908-05-20
Instruoted for Rennatt.

The democrats of Wayne county
held large and enthusiastic mass
convention at Wayne. Monday.
and named delegates to the state.
congressional and senatorial oon-
ventions. Hon, Louis Bennett of
Weston, candidate for governor,
received an instructed delegation.
Spring is here, the trees and
flowers are endeavoring to produce
fruit, shade and fragrance, while
the little birds are filling the air
with their cheerful sweet songs.
The farmers are busy planting
their drops, with the hope of large
returns. But what has the oitizens
of Point Pleasant done towaTds
this, the most beautiful of all seas
onsH We would suggest that the
rubbish which has oongested in the
yards during the winter months be
gathered up and burned. grasB sesd
sown and flowers planted, This
will present a more cheerful ap.
pearanoe toyour home and dispose
of the germs which are always
found to breed and exist in dirt and
filth, producing any number of dis.
cases, thus giving you much
more healthy condition,