davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Ordway new era., 1908-05-08
Returned Him.

A man returned to his native village
after having emigrated to Kansas
some 20 years previous. He asked
about different villagers he had
known In the old days. and finally of
the town drunkard of his time.
"Oh. he's dead" was the reply.
well. we'll: dead and buried Is her"
Nope: they didn't bury him."
Didn't bury him!" exclaimed the
former resident. well. then. what
did they do with him?"
"Oh. they Just poured him back In
the Jug.
The Ordway new era., 1908-05-08
.,.,.,, Geography Good For7

This ia from the philosophy OF Mrs.
ouisa schmitt, who berated a teacher
~. not nromoting her daughter be-
.,,.a the latter was deficient In geog'
ronhy. Teacher, you don't Know II
aIi I guess" said the irate Mrs.
Sohm,tt. ~ wish It that my daughter
gets through school SO she gets man.
b. S.a.r mind about the geography;
ius. promote her without 1t; why.
@ v,S other daughter. she didn't know
na,granhy @ and she got man. And
.,ou rnow all about geography and
you .,ou amt got any man at all. What Is
w.. yUn raovraphy good for? See that my
daughter gets through school,.
The Ordway new era., 1908-05-08
A Cross Marks the Building Coveted
by Lithographers.

ing 1t away. Now the material in the
building is worth about $4,000.
The present Andreas Lichtenstein. a
descendant OF the man who built the
house. has said "Nein" about once a
month for the last 20 years to specu-
lators who want to buy his home and
tear it down for the stone. 1t is his
home and that OF his forefathers and
he refuses to part with 1t. So lith-
ographers. with thoughts OF rising
prices. look and sigh.
Lithographic stone is found in COM
mercial quantities only in Bavaria.
The largest quarries are near Nurem-
berg.
The Ordway new era., 1908-05-08
IOAN NORLEY

extended to Indian agltators and re-
fused to offer an apology. British
rule In India will continue and ought
to continue and must continue"
said he.
John Morley was born at Blackburn.
England, December "a. 1888. He was
graduated from Chettenham and Lin
coin college. Oxford. and began life
as a barrister. In 1867. however. he
was called to the editorship Of the
Fortnightly Review. a post which he
held until 1882. From 1880 until 1883
he was likewise editor OF the famous
Pail Mall Gazette. leaving his desk
there to go to parliament as the repre-
sentative OF Newcastle. He was Irish
secretary In 1886 and again from 1892
to 1895. In 1896 he was returned to
parliament and since gradually
achieved for himself a reputation in
politics. letters and philosophical
thought.
Morley was Gladstone's favorite lieu.
tenant when the Grand Old Man"
died. He was one OF the axious per-
sonal friends who watched over the
HTeHt DItIlIIti iIo iuSt iiIhSoo, "hu
his Life OF Gladstone" is one OF his
most notable literary labors.
Hall Caine and Andrew Carnegie are
among the close friends OF the liberal.
The laird of Skibo Is accounted one OF
the particular intimates OF Morley, in
n personal way. In the tendency OF
their thoughts and aims and otherwise.
Recently Carnegie we'll knowing his
friends studious inclination. presented
him with library of 10000 volumes.
one of the finest collections OF books
In existence. In 1904 Carnegie also
influenced the noted Englishman to
come to America. In Pittsburg Morley
was the guest OF Carnegie and there
delivered his only American lecture.
In an interview In America Morley
snid that he, as an English liberal. was
always intensely Interested in Amer
lea and her politics and that England
as a whole was fascinated by Presi.
dent Roosevelt.
More than once 1t has been said that
II John Morley had vice he might be
premier. AS 1t is Morley is too full of
unrelenting rectitude. too barren of ap-
parent passion, to be an English popu-
lar hero. For all that he is man of
emotions and feeling, but. above them
all, one of restraint. One never knows
Morley the man, but one can never es-
cape Morley, the exterior. distant. re.
served and unbending.
In politics Morley is liberal In
every sense. but he holds the same
reserve of caution on his theories as
on his public behavior. In religion he
is an agnostic, but not one Of the as
sertive kind. He has quick,
keen and delightful sense Of humor. is
one of the most charming Of
companions and is great IA
vorite among women. He is by ma
ture nervous, is quick In temper and
rather impatient. He has no amuse-
ments other than walking. and is fond
of music and books. His father wished
to make him minister of the gospel.
but he fell under the teachings Of John
stuart Mill. the philosopher. and
thereafter the church was impossible.
-
The Ordway new era., 1908-05-08
ExTREE! ExTREE!

Si-Pop. the old red caow hes
Kicked the bucket!
Hi-Je-rushlem. I wouldn't TUX $40
fer tibet caow! Did she pass away in
peace?
Si-She passed away In pieces. yep!
The old fule kicked thet bucket q stun
yeou go tew blow up stumps with!
The Ordway new era., 1908-05-08
lnsect Chemists.

Failing to bite sugar from several
Jumps. some marked bees under OBJ
servation Of CASTOR BONNER. French
naturalist. flew away. returning in an
hour or two with other workers. after
first visiting a fountain. Settling on
,ae sugar. they were seen to pump wa
ter from their crops. when they sucked
Up the syrup SO formed.
The Ordway new era., 1908-05-08
nr.n.tlc Emotions.

The most effective moments IN
..a theater are those that appeal to
ea,rmonnlace s emotions-love OF WON.
y love Of home, love Of country. love
Of right. anger. jealousy. revHnse: n usm sm
bitlon, lust. and treacnery. AAs.'
ilton in tha Forum.
The Ordway new era., 1908-05-08
Axerted an Excuse.

II noticed" remarked the piano
stool to the parlor lamp. that you
started to smoke last night when Miss
Yerner was entertaining Mr.. Tim.
mid"
"Yes," replied the lamp. II saw
she was Just waiting for an excuse
to turn me down"
The Ordway new era., 1908-05-08
PIER XV.-Continued.

4 SobtsItuCus
we're others who did not
httle man. He hailed from
frn part Of the state. But
pew him He knew he was
INST one of the sharpest.
men OF his day.
nen. think we are ready"
udse. and the game was on
fe called Paul Langford, its
witness in default of VII.
ame. place OF residence and
asked the counsel for the
ahsford. ! reside In Kemah
own and operate n cattle
'angford had clearly de.
a identified the animal In
Gordon continued:
ns'ord, when did you first
steer?"
i'th day of July last"
Pd You happen to mis-. tb,.
u,'oh was called to the fact
ulmal answering this de.
na bearing my brand had
alaer suspicious detention"
Information thus received.
uo' aware this creature had
bot?" 'o'en'
brd?" '"''o''
Milliston OF the Lazy s."
,,, may tell the jury in what
ae,oh y. :, told you about the
.ourse, was objected to and
.va was sustained by the
uordon knew 1t would be,
anted the jury to remember
tSh could have told a dam.
nad he been here, and also
- .. now mysteriously this
Aa" a,on mad disappeared. He
sve Williston or Williston's
NE, ne might keep an impres.
os'ore these 12 men that
story-he knew 1t and
~ IA story of which some
"a aus law forbade the telling.
y. ~ you do after your atten.
cas m called to the suspicious
ot the steers deten.
10 my boys of what 1 had
4' 'nem out to look for
ne day,r
('' saece..ful,"
roass u'ss, :. have = particular
The Ordway new era., 1908-05-08
Locked on a, Form Of srIbsry.

Controller Wilson Of Chicago has
ruled that NO telephone, traction, cleo
trio light or other public utility corpc-
ration can make contributions to hos
pitals or other charities.
The Ordway new era., 1908-05-08

The council Of empire at st. Peters
burg has raised the Russian legation
It Tokyo to N emhlesy.
The Ordway new era., 1908-05-08

him up In threads Of his own weaving.
The little man touched Small on the
arm and whispered to him.
..Nr I,pyford said Small in q
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-06-05

May 15-4w.
&. 3. Guyer, p. q
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-06-05
Nan and the Gucket~

There Is one particular fever Of non-
sense which the Princeton Tiger claims
the credit Of having originated. for In
the November Issue. 1902. appeared tie
following verse
There once was n man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash In bucket.
But his daughter. named Man.
Ran away with a man.
And as for tho bucket-Nantucket-
For the next few months Nan, her
father and her newly acquired hus-
band encountered a series Of the most
astonishing adventures in every known
hamlet In the country which could be
converted into limerick form by the
brains Of newspaper and magazine
writer's from sea to se;I BY the time
Nan came back with Il dozen or so ad-
ditional verses tackled on TO her there
Is reason to wonder In the face Of the
ordeals to which she had been subject
ed whether the pecuniary advantage
gained by absconding with that bucket
repaid her fer all that she bad been
through. Roy s. Durstlne in Bohe-
mian Magazine.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-06-05

4 country politician IN Pennsylvania
managed to get elected TO the legisla-
ture at Harrisburg for one term. When
he came back he built himself q fine
house, costing about $4,000. His old
neighbors. who knew he had no money
before he went to Harrisburg and who
knew the salary of a Pennsylvania
legislator, were curious to discover
where the returned statesman got
means to build the house. So one day
a committee waited on the man who
built the house. and the spokesman
said:
"Jim, it may be none Of our business
to your thinking, but we think you owe
It to Us who sent you TO the legislature
to explain where you got the money
with which you built this house. You
didn't have a cent before you went 10
Harrisburg and owed everybody In the
place. How about it?"
why" said the builder. 'ft's simple
enough. You see, when we were in
Harrisburg we didn't keep a hired
girl."-Argonaut.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-06-05
The Churchyard Yew's Secret.

"Why are yew trees found in GENE
teries onlyT' said a forester. why
all over the world-saving here, whert
they don't exist-do you find In ceme
teries great yews Of immemorial age
Antiquarles have tried to attach some
druldic significance to the matter. Yews
grow In churchyards and nowhere else
hence they were sacred to the dead ir
the time OF the Druids, and II was as
erroneous to plant them In your gar
den as to plant tombstones there.
have exploded that superstition. On 6
walking tour Of England one summer
asked every farmer l met why he had
no yews on his place. The answer
was always the same: DO you think
want to lose my cattler or Had one
but cut 1t down. The beasties got at II
and yew leaves is poison to the beast
les Yes, that Is the secret OF tn
churchyard yew. 1t grows only In
cemeteries because the farmers have
destroyed It everywhere else, Its leaves
being injurious to live stock."-New
Orleans Times-Democrat.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-06-05
Rival ORGANIZATIONS.

The man who had been keeping his
seat in q Lexington avenue car, the
seats Of which were we'll occupied by
women, spoke at last to the woman
hanging on to n strap and who had
been eying him intently for some time.
81 know l ought to get up and LEI
you have my seat, madam" he said,
"but I'm pledged against that sort Of
thing. have just Joined the sit Still
club an organization we have formed
In Harlem. and If should violate the
solemn obligation took when ! be
came n member of that body | should
be expelled and held up to the execra-
ton OF all other members
THAT IS all right, sir" replied th"
woman. You mustn't mind my look
ing at you so hard. am n member Of
the stand and Stare club"
After which she continued to stand
and stare ut him IN such a fierce man
ner that he finally got m. waved her
into his seat and said. II guess III re
sign from my club aud join yours right
now. madam York Press.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-06-05
Freaks Of the Sea.

The freaks Of the sea are the anglers
and bat fishes. The people Of North
Carolina have aptly named the angler
the allmOuth, for the tall begins where
the mouth ends InhabIting the north
Atlantic, the angler has been given a
variety Of names. On the Massachu-
sets coast II is known as gOOsefish.
Rhode Island terms II bellOwfsh, and
Connecticut gives Il the cognOmen Of
m)liigut jamaica lay calls It the car
petbagger England. ireland, Scotland
and Wales all have their local names.
The names Of the English give to this
ore fish ere expressive of its habits. to
say The least They call il toadfish,
frog. fishing. frog. deyiifsh. sea devil.
nassnsh, monkfsb. pOc&etGsh, wide
gut kettlemaw and widegap. Thomas
Peunant. who in 177G wrote his "Brit-
lsh Zoology" did not like the name OF
fishing frog. then applied to the fish.
so he changed the old name Of fishing
frog for the more simple one Of an
ger"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-06-05
a Throne and a North Wind.

Long had Gustavus VaSa sought 10
rouse his fellow cOuntrymen. the
Swcdes. against the Infamous Danish
tyrant Christian. whose memory Will
always be linked with that of the
blood bath" Of Stockholm. But the
brave Gustavus found his cOmpatriotS
cowardly and slow. An outlaw him
self. no voice was raised IN the assem-
big in his favor He called upon the
people TO fight, but they sat sullen
around him Suddenly a cold wind
rose from the north. and an old coun-
tryman cried, God approves Of the
designs Of Vnsa. for a north wind is
always n happy presage." These sim
PIE words acted Ike magic. The men
flew 10 arms and prayed Gustavus TO
lead them against the Danes. In few
days he had collected an army large
and brave enough 10 give battle TO the
formidable troops OF the king OF Den
mark. Victory was theirs from the
first. and the capture Of Stockholm in
1923 placed the crown Of Sweden upon
Vasa's head.-Pearson's Weekly.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-06-05
How His Place Was Filled.

A we'll known divine whose theolog-
ical discourses draw crowded houses
In all the principal cities accepted an
invitation TO lecture In small prOvin-
cial town. but discovered aftcrward
that he had prior engagement OH the
same date. He accordingly apOIOglZed
and offered 10 make good any loss the
society might incur through bis delin-
Quency.
A few days later he received a letter
from the secretary assuring him that
no harm was done and lnclOsinS a
handbill which the divine Is never
tired Of reading to his amused friends.
"As the Rev. Mr.. - Is unable to
give his advertised lecture on Con
science" announced the bill. -four
members Of the B minstrel troupe
have kindly volunteered to perform In
stead screamlngly laughable farce
entitled -. ANY person who has
bought a ticket for the other enter
tainment may have 1t transferred to
this on payment Of siXpence EXTRA
London Taller.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-06-05
Champaune Corka.

Champagne corks are made Of the
very finest Catalonia cOrkwOod. When
the tree Of that wood Is planted, thirty
years must elapse before 1t becomes f1t
for the first stripping OF the bark, and
even then the cork Is Of no use, being
much too coarse. After eight years
more q second crop arrives, but that
again Is of but poor quality. and
eight years more, making forty-six
years In all, must pass before the
grower can reap any material benefit
from the tree. Then, again, the great
est care Is necessary for the manufac-
ture OF the best champagne cOrks be-
cause should they be defective In size
and shape the quality Of the wine will
suffer. For that reason they are not
made by machinery. like the ordinary
cork, but are cut by hand. as finer
work can be done that way.-Philadel-
phia Ledger.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-06-05
wss. Pointers on the eattIefieId.

One thing of which all West Pointers
felt proud was the brotherly love and
kindness shown by both sides to fel-
low graduates when taken prisoners
or when otherwise in distress. hav e
heard the story told Of Fitzhugh Lee
that on one occasion when scouting
with a squadron Of cavalry In the de-
batable country between Fairfax
Courthouse and Alexandria he cap
tured picket Of similar commander
under Tom Height and learned that
the latter was taking breakfast In a.
farmhouse. Fitz went In alone. found
Tom at table with his back to the door,
so he was able to get up to him and
slap him on the back before saying
II think, Tom. you might have put out
one picket" They took breakfast to-
gether, and then Fitz sent an escort to
conduct him to the Federal lines and
bring back his horse. having OF course
first paroed him. This was to save
him from Libby prison.-General S. W.
Ferguson in Metropolitan Magazine.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-06-05
sbarpsbooters Of the Revolution.


AS soor as Il pioneer boy was big
enough to level rifle he was given
powder and ball 10 shoot squirrels.
After little practice he was required
to bring In as many squirrels as he
had received charges under penalty OF
severe lecture or even OF having his
Jacket tanned AT the age of twelve
the boy became Il fort soldier, with
lOophole assigned him from which 70
fight when the settlers rallied against
an Indian foray. Growing older, he
became a hunter OF deer, elk, buffalo
and bear, skilled In trailing and In
utilizing cover, capable of enduring
long marches through trackless noun
tain forests. At night he was content
to curl up In a single blanket beside
small fire and sleep under the roof of
heaven. If It rained. In few minutes
he built him lodge Of bark or boughs
with no implement but his one pound
tomahawk. Incessant war with the
Indians taught him to be his own gen.
eral. to be ever on the alert, to keep
his head and shoot straight under fire.
Pitted against an enemy who gave no
quarter, but tortured the living and
scalped the dead, he became himself a
stanch fighter who never surrendered.
The wilderness bred men Of iron.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-06-05
Washlnuton and n Dou.

While the British occupied Philadel
phia ard the American force lay IN
winter quarters at Valley Forge, one
day as Washington and his STAFF were
dining q fine hunting dog which was
evidently lost came to seek something
to eat. On It's collar was the name
General Howe" Washington ordered
that the dog should be fed, and then he
sent It 10 Philadelphia under a flag OF
truce, with Il letter reading: Genera
Wash'ugtoHs compliments to General
Howe He does himself the pleasure
10 return to him a dog which acci
dentally fell into his hands and by the
inscription OF tic collar appears 10 be
long TO General Howe" The British
commander In reply sent cordial let
ter conveying his warm thanks for this
act OF courtesy Of his enemy.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-06-05
Turninu a Tidht Screw.

Any one who has attempted to re-
move very tight screw knows what
q very difficult business II Is. After
strainlng and twisting for n con
siderable time the operator frequent
ly ends by losing his temper and
destroying the bite or the screw,
which remains fixed as tightly as ever
With the aid Of pair OF pinchers, how
ever. the affair IS quite simple one
Place the screwdriyer in position and
then catch hold OF the blade with the
pinchers just above the head OF the
screw. Press the screwdriver firmly
and at the same time twist round the
blade with the pinchers. The tightest
screw will yield Immediately to this
sort Of persuasion.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-06-05
VALUABLE REAL ESTATE
or ale.

We have inst added to our list the
following valuable Real Estate:
SO acres HIGH grsde farm, with fine
Brick dvelllng and 125 acres of No.
timber.
16j acre farm excellent land and good
lmproyements-the above too farms in
LOudOun county, Va.
1877 acre farm Of good land and i'm
proyemnts. large dwelling &c.
35 acre farm Of good new dwelling
and excellent land and all necessary out
Luudings-(abOye two farms IN Fau-
quier county, Va.)
$ acre farm, near Woodstock with
fairly good improvements and good
fruit.
4 new : room dwelling and ] acre lot
on Nam street, Woodstock, Va, well
located, with electric lights and pure
mountain water Ii the house.
4 mod dwelling OF rooms on large
corner lot in Edinburg Va, we'll locat
cd; + purchaser should desire TO baYe
30 ares Of fine land or tie suburbs OF
thc own, can sell him This also.
AL the above properties Will ne sold
on easY terms at reasonable prices
Apply to
J. II. DAVIS & co.
Real Estate Agts.s
Woodstock, Va.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-06-05
kamrg Courtship.

The Kaffirs are very light hearted
naoole and do not worry about the fu-
ture As soon as the girls have mn
,shed their work they may take mp the
inubu. which Is an elementary musica'
instrument. consisting OF tnut DOW
axed TO a gourd. aud march across
country twanglng the string with III
tie piece OF reed. The instrument. as q
rule. gives but one note. but 10 tne
girls sweetheart such music Is 'Ihs
food OF love- Worlds Work.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-06-05
a Judoe's PoeticaI Request.

In Memoirs Of Famous Trials" b.
Rev. f. V. Burnaby, IS an amusing
story about the late Lord Bowen, Il
brilliant. intellectual and clever Judge.
His lordship wanted lift to the lore
chancellor's breakfast In 1888 and I'd
dressed the following request to hi
old friend. Mr.. Justice Mathew:
Ny Dear J. C.-Will you be free to car
~ me. beside of thee. In your buggee 4
Selborne's tea. II breakfast he intends 70
we. on November next ID. ". eighteel
hundred and eighty-three a. D.. for Lad!
B.. from Cornwall c.. will absent be an'
says. that she would rather SEQ her hus
band be d dash ID than send 10 Londol
her buggee for such a melancholy spre'
as Selborne's toast and Selbornes tea?
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-06-05
..H
Maxarin and His Pictures.

Perhaps no more ardent lover Of pic
lures ever lived than Cardinal Mazarin,
minister Of the regency during the mi-
nority of Louis XIV. Being told that
he had but two months to live. he was
soon after seen In his nightcap and
dressing gown, tottering along the gal
lery. pointing to his pictures, exclaim-
ing: Must quit all thesef Look at
that Correggi; this Venus Of Titan;
that Incompatible 'Deluge' OF Caracci!
Farewell, dear pictures, that l have
loved 30 dearly and that cost me so
muchw
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-06-05
ilis CarG.

Mr. NeUfich. Tie dust contractor
having made II fortune, part Of whicl
Il had Invested IN house property l.!
The east OF London. wished to rise. Ike
phenix. from his ashes into Som'
sort of society. Ills golden key. ap
piled TO the Golfers Of M impecuniou-
ariStocrat. OpenCd tie way.
Ills new friend. among other things
advised hin that visiting cards Wer,
necessity. and, as guide To drawing
one up ready for the printer. handed
him one of his own. which read
Harold De We're. Iona House. Ports
mouth Square. w"
Two days later. rs De We're was sit
ting in his dressing room at breakfast
servant brought in on a salver q
visiting card bearing the following
"Ephraim Newrich. Own % Houses
London. E."-Philadelphia Ledger.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-06-05
The Cneexinn PraYer.

The custom Of following Il sneeze witt
q PRAYER gees so far back into the pas
II Is next 10 impossible To say wher
II actually began. According to StraGa
the custom originated among the AS
syrians. who. through IN opinion o.
the danger that attended II. after thu
act OF snceziag made short prayel
TO the gods. The Romans after sneez
Ing cried out. Jupiter. help me" Th'
custom IS mentioned by Homer. th'
early Jewish writer's and others and !!
found among many savage tribes.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-06-05
Tho Ori~inzl NeA Zkalanders,

The original New Zealanders were
known as the most ferocious cannibals
and the most warlike savages. They
were big. gaunt fellows, of immense
muscular force and great sagacity
These savage New Zealanders. though
they ate their enemies, inferred their
own dead. and they believed that the
third day after burial the heart sepa-
rated itself from the corpse and was
carried to the clouds by an attendant
spirit.