davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1908-01-24

Well. I'll. be blasted gasped
Banana Jones Then he added DO
get all the banana privileges be-
tween here and Sonsonate?'
You certainly do answered tt
berius, drawing his tin rapier and
iolting his helmet into a launty po
sition.
Jones ran towards the mob and he.
gan harangue In which Don Senior
1iberio.' and viva la lbertad figured
extensively. and when he was done
the ragamGfins danced about us IN
glee. and one squnreyed ruffian
sought To encompass Maize Adams
talr waist with his dirty paw But
Ilb lunSed feroCiousiY at him with
his Toledo t0hioI blade. and, the gang
evidently set US down for born fight
eTs
They dope you out as High Muck
a Muck ana accept you. SAID Jones.
bat they want 10 know If you We
brought any arms aud powder
Tel EN- I've brought art. music.
beauty ana science. and that against
tudl QudI'elte pEpSdlC eAplOSlNtS
aren't deuce nigh in well.thumbed
euchre deck. letorted Tlb. grandly
Then he tipped us the cue and we all
burst into few sweet strains Of
song. as sung IN the ensemble OF The
Dear Gazette e fetched EN-. sir II
fetched EN- 10 theie knees They
groveled / guess they'd have chucked
the whole blooming revolution foe re-
served seats IN our show But IT.
berius had made up his mind 10 act
the conqueror. and he told JcEes to
take us TO the most pretentious habi
tation IN town. that he might confis.
cate II for government purposes A
miserable little hotel. built 10 accom-
modate about Is. was the best thing
in this line. and into II We went. while
all the regular boarders departed via
the back door
but what about weaponsr per-
sisted Jones. obviously
"Tiberius pondered thoughtfuily.
and Hanscom. the pirate. tapped the
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1908-01-24

For the cultivated man there is no
virtue in either optimism or pes
simism. Some people think 1t is a
duty to be optimistic, and for some
people it may be duty; but one of
the great uses of education is to teach
us to be neither one nor the other.
In the management of our personal
affairs, we try to be neither one nor
the other. In business, a persistent
and uproarious optimist would certain
ly have poor credit And why? Be
cause In business the trustworthy
man, as everyone knows, is the man
who sees things as they are and to
see things as they are. without a
glamour or illusion, is the first condi-
ton of worldly success. II is abso-
lutely essential in war, In finance, In
law, in every field of human activity
in which the future has to be thought
of and provided FORE. l.. Godkin.
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1908-01-24

grove from yard OF felt but II sound
ed good and he used It. Think, Maize,
of being compelled To pluck rubber
gum with those fragile lily stalks he
said. Think, Gertrude. OF making
bean bread for some chocolate-frosted
brute thai remembers when he walked
on all fours. Now II ! can obtain the
backing of one party we are that much
stronger. and Will come out all right.
Remember. Tiberius Smith always
wins Why. children. once | fell so
low that was forced TO join an Uncle
Toms Cabin company and play | was
ice in the Ohio river Did | stay ice?
Ask me- To-day you behold in me the
sole owner of The Dear GaZelle" OPP
era troupe. and president protein OF
Iscanlati, or whatver name under
high heavens they call IT,.
"Of course there was a lot Of horse
sense in Tlb 5 talk. but ] knew he was
playing president just through his lust
of empire. lie told me afterwards
that il he could have held down the
job, he had intended To map ont "A canal
IOult anu SnNah liOub OuGlC
Sam
but 10 return To the well-filled inn
and the homesick allies Of the insur-
rectionists That afternoon Tib and
Jones accommodated the only approach
from the Interior; the only road over
which the enemy could come. This
ran dead against big white cliff. and
then swung sharp 10 the left and made
a Decline 10 the beach Tih deployed
the native troops far out beyond the
cliff. with instructions TO hike back to
the hotel If they scented the foe In
casual way he led them TO believe
that they wouldn't have TO do much
fighting. Just take prisoners after the
new president had shaken a little
parlor magic out of his cuff This
pleased them immensely. and they
said we were their saviors. Jupiter
Stators, and all that kind or stuff.
But we we're in a very disagreeable
situation. The warm climate didn't
make the 'Gazelle' rags so bad for the
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1908-01-24
A Match for a Tin.

The waiter smothered an embar-
raised grin when the red-faced absent
minded man handed him his tip. After
the absent-minded man had gone the
waiter looked after him and then at
his tip, still with a half grin on his
face
THE tip the man had handed to him
was match-just a common every
day sulphur match of commerce.
He meant we'll enough" said the
waiter. 'He was just thinkin' about
something else. The chances are that
somebody in his Office keeps bothering
him for matches and he's got so in the
habit of giving matches to people that
he hands out a match without thinkin'
any more about it than he would about
drawing his breath. He felt that he
ought to hand me something and he
just made il a match without thinking
why" continued the waiter, you'd
be surprised at the absent-minded peo-
pie that give us tips. The other fel-
low, solemn looking man, gave me a
dollar bill-just the amount his din
neT came to. He wanted to give me a
little piece for myself, and just as
he started out he reached back and
gave me a handful of cloves that he'd
pulled out of the little pocket where
he kept his small change. And he
wasn't doing it to be kidding, either,
He never knew he did it.
But" says the waiter in serious
tone, somehow the absent-minded-
ness hardly ever makes 'em loosen
up any more'n they would when
they're right at themselves. "-Cleve'
land Plain Dealer.
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1908-01-24
When the Nose Bleeds.

When the nose is bleeding never
hold it over basin, or hold the head
down in any way. This only causes
further rush OF blood TO the broken
tissues in the nose. The head should
be held up and back, the flow being
caught in handkerchiefs or cloths.
One of the most effective and simple
means of checking a nose bleed is to
press on the upper lip. Near the un-
der surface of the lip runs the artery
that supplies the interior nasal pas
sages where the ruptures occur. IL
this is pressed, the flow of blood is
mechanically checked, thus allowing
the blood around the broken tissues
to CONCEAL and seal up the opening.
II merely pressing the finger does not
succeed, place a wad of paper under
the lip and fold the lip over it, hold
ing it down tight. says Woman's Life.
Again, If this does not succeed, and a
drug store is near, get some adrenalin,
saturate a piece of cotton with it, and
apply to the interior of the nose from
where the blood flows.
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1908-01-24

hardware in his belt. and said: We've
got them all here
1--WE have the kinetograph.' re-
minded Tiberius.
Whats that? A machine gum
cried Jones. eagerly.
"Tiberius looked at him sadly and
then explained it was merely a device
to throw moving pictures on screen.
but pictures won't hurt EN- be-
moaned Jones.
NO cried Tiberius. exultantly, but
It'll scare 'em like the deuce. Why. man,
in that one big box I've columns of in
fantry. heavy artillery, troops of cav
airy, little drummer boy. a Red
Cross society. and the Private's Fare
well to His Aged Mother. It's the
most economical method OF transport
ing field forces in the world
Then, after he had spoken several
more pieces, Jones saw the illumina
ton. and his hard-baked face cracked
into various smiles. II they'll only
come by night he murmured,
You see. we carted the picture ma
chine around TO amuse the audience
between the acts of The Dear Gazelle.
and almost all of the pictures were
war scenes. Fortunately II had es.
capped injury in the explosion. and
only needed to be dried out to be in
fighting trim.
Put the rest OF US hadn't come
down to Central America to build up
republics, and we were in a fair way
to mutiny. Hanscom had just killed
a tarantula. and was now writing a
weepy letter to his old mother IN
Utica. N. Y. Maize was sobbing that
she did not see any chance of freezing
her digits with Guatemala ice, and
the rest Of the bunch were swearing
or sniveling. as the sex demanded
when Tiberius visited US.
Children said he, kindly. list
Why weep? We've arrived here. The
boat Is busted. We can't leave till an
other comes. II seems two factions
are sparring for the strangle-hold on
this forsaken land. II we remain neu
trail, one side or the other. or both
will pick us up and sell us as slaves
to owners OF the dank mangrovt
swamps.' Tib didn't know a man
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1908-01-24
- TIBERIUS SMITH ~
HE LEADS TO VICTORY

was about all the little coastwise
steamer had aboard. and when we
were bobbing about off Champerlco
IL began to blow up a regular hummer.
The captain wanted TO land us there,
but lib said San Jose or zero, and on
we rolled was sorry and so were
the others; for the storm now became
a hurricane and the captain decided
he couldn't make San Jose. as that
port had no harbor. but is simply an
open roadstead | believe We were
to luf. or To loaf. in the offing. or
Whereabouts. and then beat In when
the wind went down But We didn't.
Instead we doomed right by In the
night. and after a miserable ten hours
found ourselves in Arcate. a small
town that would make a sewing ma
chine feel homcsick
"Arcate is made up OF dozen wood
en- houses. built down close 10 the
beach, and one street running back
about FIVE blocks from the shore
Along this artery or travel are a
handful of native huts of bamboo
sticks. covered with leaves Of the CO.
coauut palm. while in the Tnvirons of
the burg poisonous pools of stagnant
water FL the air with miasma steam.
ing thick,y In the e0.cegree heat
Maize Adams crept down 10 the bag.
gage deck and wept bitterly
Cheer UP, little enc encouraged
Tiber!us. sootn'ng,y Fer every tear
now shed YOU sha.! have piece of ice
tc wear Oh those fairy fingers
But as II the heavy atmosphere
and sickenirg odors were not enough.
the tin boiler IN our litt!e craft blew
up near Gaybreak. and we were forced
to go ashore in our pightclothes,
where we shivered in rugs and old
sails until the broiled sun relieved the
situation. To our Joy we found all of
our stage trunks had been saved, but
our everyday finery was naught.
Get busy, cried Tiberius. in his
merry bass. Unpack the trunks and
slip into the calico of Act |. When
we reach Guaty We'll have some nice.
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1908-01-24

new linen suits. Remember. children.
I'm all that ever was. multiplied by
two
And that's what we had to do, and
a nice-looking lot we were. Maize
and the other fairies in pink tights
and long, bespangled cloaks didn't go
so bad with the furnishings, but the
pirate, George Hanscom, and ], the
Alpine shepherd, kind of Jared on the
rest Of the furniture. Tbs rotund.
energetic form was encased in a tin
suit of medieval armor, and he swore
IL felt good by the time the town
was fairly awake we we're all arrayed
in our picnic clothes. and guess they
thought we were sure-enough bunch
of fairies.
while the dusky rabble was en-.
joying us with wonderful eyes. a tall,
thin, OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES man ap-
preached and greeted us in good old
Anglo-Sax lie said he was Alfred
Jones, more commonly known on the
coast as Banana Jones. He had lived
In the country for Is years and was
too lazy TO leave IT, He informed us
he could talk any lingo between Pur.
J gatory and Guatemala City. and Tib
at once hired him as ticket seller
lib himself threw a fine cluster OF
Spanish. having toured circus
through South America once on a
time. But be was shy on dialects.
so Banana Jones was delegated to
scout for some diligences. and he said
he would once he was able 10 tear his
eyes from Maize. and was Just explain
ing that he hadn't seen n white WON
an for ten years. when 80 tatterdemal
ions. armed with ancient guns and q
large accumulation of realty on their
hands and bare feet, came bowling
down the lane.
~ forgot. said banana Jones, sim
ply, there's bit of revolution on
and the insnrrectionists hold the town
they are expecting president from
Frisco The junta was TO send then
down a regular fire-eater this week
THAT'S me- cried lib. I'm on!
I'm the PRESIDENT ] go "A mile In less
than nothing ! never did start Z
game but what something good turned
up Unexpectedly. Tell 'em I'm theii
| feudsl lord.
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1908-01-24
GARMENT DIDN'T SUIT HIM.
"Whte Shut" and Colored Boy Made
Unfortunate Combination.

One Sunday morning some years
ago I stepped out into the back yard
of my southern home. The cooks
boy" wearing a checkered homespun
shirt. was playing In the yard. He
approached me and said:
"Mr. ChoIlie. never is had on a
white shut in my life: can't you
gimme one?"
I complied with this request by CIV
ing him white shirt and a very high
standing collar With a grin and
show of large white teeth he left me.
That afternoon saw the boy in the
yard wearing his accustomed colored
shirt. Responding To my intcrroga.
tive look, he said:
Il put on dat white shut and collar.
and you know what | look like?
look like a black mule wild his head
over a whitewash fence. and ! took
dat shut and collar of."-Judge's Ii
brary.
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1908-01-24

girls, and we men knew we could get
used to our makeup after il while. But
only a narrow strip of beach separa.
ted us from the sharks. and Tib and
his picture game from the dusky
triflers In front. However. IL was grin
and bear II, and we were there to tote
the machine and fixings up to a point
near the white cliff.
mo one troubled us that night. but
on the next a horrible screeching
aroused us from uneasy slumbers. and
when the pirate and | got down into
the open we could just catch glimpse
OF Tbs armor twinkling In the moon
light far ahead.
bring your shepherds horn. Ru-
pert cried Tib-he sometimes called
me by my stage name-and | obeyed
him.
"A long, lean valentine guided me
up the road To the firing line. to
To my horror ! found them facing the
cliff. backs turned To the enemy
For Heavens sake!' cried. let
us receive our wounds In the breast
and die facing the tyrant.'
When | begin TO let loose Uncle
Sam, Just sound some merry lay on
the horn ignored Tib. Give 'em
boots-and-saddles and bit or that
Tyrolese warble.'
Il was so choked up didn't believe
| could wind the horn, but Tib and
Jones were cool enough. Tib had the
machine all ready. and as fearful
howl went mp behind us he turned on
the Examinations. There on the cliff
pranced the Fighting Seventh cavalry.
while Banana Jones split the shadows
with hoarse shouts and military or.
ders. accompanying his vocal stunts
by hurting rocks among the bushes
In short. making enough noise for a
whole regiment.
IAN would ye save mes blowl' cried
lib.
Forgetting my peril. really believ
Ing that the brave phantoms on the
white rock stood ready To- succor me
| fixed my eyes on Old Glory and
gave them Dixie. Any one ought Ia
fight by that tunei between notes
could hear the great gasp OF sstonish
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1908-01-24

Tiberius was so chesty that he wanted
TO pursue the enemy and incidentally
annex San Salvador. But as white
cliffs aren't always handy. we held
him back.
We'll. three days passed and our
stage costumes began to look tar
nished. Then came the second at
tack Our scouts said 1t was a differ
ent party. aud when they approached
the pass it was hardly dark enough
to operate the machine. Tib com.
manded us all TO follow him. and ar
ranged US IN a semi-circle position
for the curtain raise in act II.
Nov warblev he commanded, and
we did. with fringe of lime-light
playing over our rich vestments and
scared faces What the enemy thought
on seeing rs fays all covered gold and
cut glass. giving the serenade. will
never be known. But 1t staggered EN-.
Maize Adams and the other Venuses
sang and looked like angels, and the
brownies didn't care 10 buck up
against a celestial choir without any
investigation.
"'If you can hold 'em few minutes,
we'll win In canter,' cried Tib
AT that we all stalked forward a
few PAGES with the best lit OF the
whole piece pealing from our ruby
lips. Then came the welcome order to
stand aside. and the faithful old
picture gallery began TO squirt photos
on the cliff What with the bowling of
the ballet. the hoarse cries of Jones,
the bugle calls and prancing pictures,
the brownies were held up for fair.
See 'em run cried Banana Jones.
Then. just as the old One Hundred
and Fortieth infantry began tramping
by. we all. with one common impulse.
insane with elation, charged the par
alyZed ranks in the brush With one
long-drawn-out screech they fled, but
not before one beggar gave me a cut
in the leg with a big cheese knife.
Tiberius would run amuck, and soon
distanced us. the twinkling and clang-
ing of his tin suit only revealing his
whereabouts. When the company
caught up with him he was trying to
lift a good-siZed chest in his arms.
Its probably full of tortillas.' re-
marked the pirate. after we had re-
turned TO the hotel.
81 think. children. It's their war
chest gasped Tiherius. who had been
unable to carry II alone.
I'VE tore of the cover and there
were rows upon rows of yellow waters.
We divided 'em up equally and Jones
said each ones share amounted to
about $500.
Whether II was the loss of their
funds. or the moving pictures that
turned the trick. we were not destined
60 learn. For on the seventh day q
little vermin-infested tub poked her
nose into the harbor. and we all
shipped for San Jose. where we picked
up some civilized rags and caught a
Frisco steamer"
Copyright. by Joseph B. Dowles)
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1908-01-24
TIME LOCK ON ELECTRIC STOVE.
cIockwork Turns on the Heat During
Early Morning Hours.

Electric heating to be regulated by
time lock is engrossing the spare time
OF Prof. Harmon w. Morse of the
chemical laboratory in Johns Hopkins
uni 'ersity, says the New York Press.
He has invented an electric stove
with clockwork mechanism by which
the heat may be turned on at any
hour without personal attention. The
device also operates TO turn the heat
on at any time required. 1t is the pro-
lessons aim to do away with the ne.
cessity for early rising, so far as fur
mace tending is concerned He be-
lieves that by installing one OF his
electric stoves in place of furnace
the head of the household may lie
abed as late as his business permits,
secure in the knowledge the house is
being kept at the proper temperature
without any effort on his jart.
Prof. Morse's stove looks like a pair
or porcelain tubes. He has not taken
anybody save his model maker into
his confidence in respect to the insides
OF those tubes. To outward seeming
they are simplicity itself Nor is there
anything complicated about the clock,
so far as exterior appearance goes. 1t
is the professors idea that on a warm
evening, for instance, the householder,
having read in his morning paper that
there will be a fall in temperature
after midnight, shall set the time
clock at IL o'clock. When midnight
arrives the clockwork turns on the
heat and by the time the rattle OF
sleet against the pane half wakes the
householder that worthy will be in pc.
sition to smile at the icy weather and
turn over for his second sleep.
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1908-01-24
Real Sport.

What will you have. sir?" asked
the waiter in the ultra-fashionable res
taurant.
Il think III take some ale" drawled
Uncle Dewberry, as he gazed in awe
at the electric cigar lighter.
I'VE have some very fine old musty
ales, sir?"
"Musty? Gosh all hemlockl Give
me the freshest you have, young man.
/ reckon l can afford to pay for good
stun when want II"
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1908-01-24

meat from the foe, as they halted.
Then the cracking in the bushes be.
gan to recede, and Banana Jones
chuckled, They've vamoosed! Best
pictures | ever saw
you can safely gamble that the In
surrectionists down on the beach
looked upon us as real warriors when
the sun rose and brought no invaders.
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1908-01-24

me n we all didn't after he'd given
us a con about the luxurious life IN
the tropics the Croesus Duns or the
Dlue Pacific. and the like II was the
dons that caught Maize Adams aud the
other girls.
We'll. we sailed In November from
Frisco. bound for San Jose de Qua
temala From there we were to take
diligences 10 the capital. Our troupe
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1908-01-24

Many Firemen Required on Liners.
one hundred and fifty firemen are
required on some OF the Atlantic
liners.
The Globe-republican., 1908-10-15

Oklahoma will eventually live down
its .Fep0ariHtboh FOR for g6Id bricks In poll
tics.-St. Louis Globe-Democrat.
The Globe-republican., 1908-10-15
ROOSEVELT PROCLAIMS
TAFT AS HIS ONLY
saf,Y ~ CHOICE ,re)lsst
! Iqihe true friends u reform, the

lG!qihe true friend' u reform the
true foe of abuses, is the man
who steadily perseveres in right
n uIngv wEN4gstlinl nwqEEilRsr Against against
abuses, but whose character and
tfahihg 2arei sdeh tifaf he0 never
promises what he cannot per-
form, that he always a little
tg lm,ee9shtlap mere than mya1kesb y1ky bg9@ oYbat bs4
does promise, and that, while
AeadASD Dadvaneirg; be- ne4er per-
mits himself to heolad into foolish
excesses which would damage the
very cause he champions. In Mr..
Taft we have a man who CON-
tuSinesRa1f Of These tddaffties to Ia
" dtgRetu%hich tnofhottar emahP hi
ehohriopuBqHi9Iife nsiiieG thenCivfpt
has 'safbassedbne ,roiialsis9l
/ 10 Tfefeaisu ns- fight for decency
G9lanhn fair GdealineeWhichoT navel
hwageds IN Which, piha4ea hbtshadb
q his yheartiest' and 1hosto 'eFettiVeli
% sympathy support ahd ftheq
ipoiicies for Mhieh)1 stand are his
Ibp6Iicies as muchasi mine.i is7o7d
9ulff ctherei lis 4he1 bedyb OF men
o mores sllan smother whose support
lGlIYfael rhar9)a right to challenge
II onibehalfi6f Secretary Taft 1t IS
} bthe 9body iof wageworkerso OF the
stanthera friendg'a a
and truer representative, 9
yothey cannot find within the bore
J rderstuf the UNITED States. . He
slwill de everything in his power
for them exceptItoi do that which
is yg9pg;g hei Will do wrong for
no man, spd .tberefore, Gan be
trusted by. all men, ,.f,
D bu9iT1 lhlTHs 5hl ~ 1b9L "-bi
The Globe-republican., 1908-10-15

ill MI Brytn has beet right at least as
@oifteh als he has Beef president. AKan-
8ssas City stat" 7o' S''VR 9'Dt'o3 "