davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1908-04-03
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7zE1l UNCLE By

SCopyrlght, 1907, by Byron Williams
| The Difference.
When woman wants a man,
. She will get him If she can
That's fair!
When g fellow meets a miss
II he can, he'll get kiss
49,; That's also fair!,
When he wants her for a wife
And she answers Eyes, for Hfer'
or course, that's fair, too.
But when baby comes along
Filling all the night with song (D
That's different!
Take the blatter," says the man
Keep him quiet If you can!'
That's also different!
Thus she walks the floor, a fright,
Keeping baby still at night!
Because that's her business!
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1908-04-03

H.Rust, eaneaof the sshonana farm
Eers of Summit Lake, was a county
seat visitor Monday.
WANTED Young lady to learn
to set type, at Advance Office.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1908-04-03

One good look at the battleship
fleet will be about all the Japs will
need. 1870. -
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1908-08-19
TRUSTEES SALE

Pursuant to the terms of a certain
deed of trust bearing date on the goth
day of August, 1892, executed by u. l.:
Alnhin to the undersigned, recorded
IN the Clerks Office Of Rockbridge
County, Va, in Deed Book n, page
448. default having been made In the
navment OF a certain debt in said deed
mentioned, in favor of Mrs. P. B.. AL
phin and at the request OF W. L.
Shields, Administrator of the said Mrs.
p. B. Alphin, deceased, l will seld at
public auction to the highest bidder
all the right, title, interest, and estate
OF the said G. T. Alphin in the farm
owned by the late Lewis Alphin on
lower Kerr's Greek in Rockorldge
County. Va, and which was devised to
the said G.. T, AIphin under the last
will of the said Lewis Alphin on record
in Rockbridge County Clerks Office in
Will Book 81. page 1872. Said farm
contains about 1853 acres, more or less
and adjoins the lands of Mrs. J. N
Selby. j, .Morrison's heirs and others.
The sale will take place in front OF the
Court House Of Rockbridge County,
Va. SATURDAY, AUGUST 20, 1908,
beginning at II am. Terms:-Cash.
Err. FUNKHOUSER, Trustee.
Aug. 5-OS-4t
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1908-08-19
CARLYLE Was a Terror.

The domestic infelic;ty Of the Car.
lyles is common knowledge, but it is
not inappropriate to give Mrs. Carlyle's
view of her husband. IF he would
only be satisfied she used to some
times complain of Carlyle. "But /
have had to learn that when he does
not find fault he is pleased, and that
has to content me-"
On one occasion when Carlyle was
away from home Mrs. Carlyle busted
herself to get all in perfect order for
her husbands arrival, and when all
was cOmplete-his dinner ready, his
armchair In its usual position, his pipe
and tobacco prepared, all looking as
comfortable as possible-Mrs. @. sat
down at last to rest and to expect him
with a quiet mind. He arrived, and
"after he had greeted me, what do you
think he did7 he walked to the win.
dow and shook 1t and asked, Where's
the wedge of the Window And until
we had found that blessed wedge moth.
ing would content him. he said the
window would rattle and spoil ALL"
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1908-08-19
Her Sunday Knitting.

"Years ago." said an Auburn woman
eighty years young, lit was count
ed sin among the good wives of the
little Maine town where l was born tc
waste a single moment Of time.
have heard my grandmother tell the
story Of one dame who much scandal
lied the church people on one never to
be forgotten occasion. People who
went early to church were surprised
one Sabbath morning to see Aunt Bet
sy sitting away up In front, gray yarn
stockings In her hands and her knit
ting needles clicking merrlly away as
she worked. The minister stopped in
surprise as he passed her on his way
to the pulpit, but the old lady was not
one whit disturbed by his disapprov-
ing air. Smiling serenely, she said
complacently: Thought I'd knit a
stitch while the people are. gathering.
l never was one to vastly minute,
elder And the good dame continued
to click her needles, while the Mortified
minister FASTENED to his desk. Not
till he began his sermon did Aunt Bet
sy lay aside her Sunday knitting
work. "-Kennebec Journal.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1908-08-19
Hard and Soft.

"What," asked the teacher, "does an
thracite meanW
THAT'S a kind Of COAL" said little
Willie.
Eyes. Anthracite coal is what we call
hard coal. So anthracite must mean
hard Now, can you tell me what
'bituminous' meansT
THAT'S coal, too" Willie replied.
"But it isn't the same kind of coal
that anthracite is, is it? Bituminous
coal is what we commonly refer to as
soft coal. Now, Willie, let us see II
you can form a sentence containing
the words anthracite and bitumlnous.' u
Willie thought the matter over for q
minute and then said:
Heres one: This morning before
pa started downtown ma wanted So fol-
groceries and things, and she tried to
get it by saying bituminous words, but
pa gave her an anthracite look, and
when he disappeared around the corner
she was weeping bituminously.'"
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1908-08-19
A Metaphor With a History.

TO "know a hawk from hernshaw'
Is metaphor with a curious history
1t is a comparison drawn from fal'
conry. "Hernshaw" Is a corruption
of "heronshaw," or young heron, a bird
which was a common prey of the fall
cons. To know a hawk from a bern
shaw is therefore to be able to dis.
tinguish the falcon from its prey. A
further colloquial corruption crept into
the phrase-"to know hawk from q
handsaw," a form used by Hamlet in
one place. Possibly the distinction be-
tween a hawk and q hernshaw was
found not to be strong enough for the
purposes of the proverb.-Manchester
Guardian.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1908-08-19
MARVELLOUS MACHINES.
Bone of the Wonderful instruments
Man Has Invented.

WAN tao tHNObsoN'
The sensitiveness Of the human Or
ganism is gross indeed compared with
that Of the marvellous machines man
has made. A Photographic plate cou-
pied with a telescope discovers millions
of stars whose light the retina of the
eye does not appreciate. The micro
phone makes the inaudlble tread Of 4
fly sound like the tramp Of cavalry
men. The human heat sense cannot
realize a difference Of temperature be-
yond one-hfth Of degree, but the ba-
rometer, an instrument 100000 times
as sensitive as the skin, notes differ
ence of q millionth of degree. A gal
vanometer flexes Its finger at current
generated by simply reforming drop
of mercury so as to press 1t out Of a
spherical shape into that of an egg.
The amount of work done by the wink
Of an eye equals 100000, 100000 Of the
winks marked on the scale of delicate
instrument, but even this performance
is surpassed by the cohereTs Of Branley
Of Paris by which the Hertz waves Of
wireless biography are caught in their
pulsings through space. The range Of
impressions which we get from lifting
an object is exceedingly small. An or
binary chemists balance is some mill
lion times as sensitive and weights
down the two hundredth part Of mil
ligram. Without such instruments as
these we should know far less about
the world than they place within our
reach. They make 1t evident that our
sense organs give us reports Of but
comparatively small number Of COM
paratlvely gross stimuli. - Chicago
Tribune.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1908-08-19
She Investigated.

What Elsies sister wanted to know
was where Elsie got that beautiful
silver mounted walking stick. Blu
Elsie didn't want Elsie's sister tC
know, so Elsle's sister got Elsie's "a
Their to ask Elsie.
81 found it" Elsie poutingly inform
ed her father, floating like a schooner
on the waves one day when was
bathing"
But two days later ElsIe's sister
said to Elsie:
"Come-tell me! What is his nameT
"Namew repeated Elsie blankly
"What do you mean"
II mean, DEAR" said Elsie's sister
that last night 1 tried to make that
stick of yours float in the bath. and
well, darling, 1t sank" = Pearson's
Weekly
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1908-08-19
The SPORTING WORLD
Stsole MAY Be Traded.

Rumors Of big shakeup In the Chi
cago National league team are in cir
culation. One rumor has 1t that jim
my Slagle, the Cubs center fielder is
slated for berth in the minor league.
The little fellow is well supplied with
the worlds goods and probably would
prefer retiring to his mills at Worth
vile, Pa, to being sent to any minor
league.
Slagle's career IN baseball has been
one of the most interesting of any ball
player on the diamond. He played
with the Clarion pa team In 1888
and remained there until 1892, when
he decided to go to college. In 1894
he went to Franklin, In the Iron and
on league.
Omaha bought Slagle, and he played
there In 1895. going to Houston, Tex,
in the Texas league, in 1896. That fall
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1908-08-19
Washinston's New First Raseman.

Manager Cantillon Of the Washing
ton Americans has purchased a new
first baseman to replace Jerry Free
man. The new man is Charley Staley,
who has been playing the bag for the
Paris OILY team Of the Eastern Illinois
league.
The Washington club paid $1,000 for
the new first sacker, who is said to
be leading the league IN which he is
playing in both fielding and hitting.
staley is In the neighborhood Of six
feet, Is fast on his feet and an intelli-
gent ball player. He Is twenty-five
wears old
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1908-08-19
Aoreed With the Lecturer

During a lecture at one Of the schools
On the subject Of Ventilation and Ar
chitecture," the temperature Of the
room rose to very high pitch.
"And now we will turn to Greece
said the lecturer.
$50 we WILL" said one Of the audi
ence, wlping his brow, unless yor
open some of the windows. Path
finder.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1908-08-19
One Man Sprayinq.

For an area Of less than one acre q
small compressed air or knapsack
sprayer will be very satisfactory
Where fruits as well as potatoes are to
be sprayed the barrel spray pump out
ct will be most economical BY mount
ing the barrel on one-horse two
wheeled cart, az the rear Of which n
three-quarter inch pipe Of sufficient
length to cover four rows and provided
with MOBILES is attached, one man can
do the spraying unassisted.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1908-08-19
VIRGINIA MILITARY INSTITUTE
LEXINGTON, VIRGINIA

10th Year. State Military, Scientific
and Technical School, Thorough cours.
es of general and applied Chemistry and
in Electrical and Civil Engineering.
Degree of graduate in academic course,
and degrees of Bachelor of Science in
Technical Courses. All expenses, in.
Guiding clothing and ineidentals. pro.
yided al rate Of 1855 per annum, as an
average for the four years, exclusive
OF OUTFIT. For information address
L. W. NICHOLS. Supt.
July 8.0S-6t
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1908-08-19
Pitcher Smith Quits White sox.

Pitcher Smith Quits White sox.
Pitcher Frank Smith probably has
pitched his last game for the Chicago
Americans. he quit the team on ac-
count of a calling he received from
Comiskey because he had failed to re-
port regularly for morning practice.
Smith packed up his traps and went to
his home in Pittsburg His departure
wasn't mourned in the White Sox
camp, as he hasn't been a winning
pitcher this season, due, Comiskey
claims, to his lack Of work in the morn
Ing practice. AS the mans habits were
exemplary there never was fault to
be found In that direction. Doubtless
several American league clubs will try
to land Smith, and some sort Of trade
may be arranged.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1908-08-19
keene Sends Horses Abroad.

James R. Keene sent several dozen
yearlings to England, and, it is de-
clared, this marks the beginning Of the
end of racing In this country. Other
shipments Of promising youngsters will
follow in short order, and 1t is predict
ed that within the next six months few
stake horses will be left on this side Of
the water in the stables of such men
as Whitney, Keene, Belmont and Hag'
orl,.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1908-08-19
rbr.. Year Football Agreement.

A three year football agreement was
signed recently by representatives Of
West Point and Annapolis and the
University Of Pennsylvania. The games
will be played on Franklin field, Phila-
delphia, on the Saturday following
Thanksgiving day each year. The
seating capacity Of Franklin field will
he Increased
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1908-08-19
Harvard's New Grow Captain.

Harvard elected as her captain for
the 1909 varsity crew W. r. Severance
of New Bedford, Mass. Severance is
twenty-one years Of age, five feet eley-
en- inches in height and weighs 1T
pounds. This is the second year that
Severance has rowed In the Harvard
varsity.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1908-08-19
Out of Ii.

Eyes, he makes q big hit with her.
He has a green automobile, and 1t
matches her dress"
"Well, why don't you take her driv-
ingT
81 amt got no green orse."-st.
Louis Republic.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1908-08-19

Miss Sutton After Coast Champion.
Miss May Sutton, the champion wo-
man tennis player, sends word from
Santa Barbara that she challenges to
match In singles Maurice Mclaughlin,
champion in singles for the Pacific
coast
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1908-08-19

JIMMIE BLA0Bh CENIBh rlbLOEh VI lhh
CHICAGO NATIONALS.
Boston bought him, and he played there
In the fall, but after the spring train
ing trip in 1897 he was banlshed to
Grand Rapids. He played with Kan,
sas City In 1898 and was bought by
Plttsburg, but before he played there
Pittsburg made q deal with Washing
ton whereby Slagle and Dick Padden
were traded for Henry Reltz
The National league was reduced to
eight clubs in 1898 and in the allotment
Of players Slagle was transferred to
Philadelphia, where he Joined the
greatest aggregation of sluggers ever
put together and was among the lead
srs in batting when there were seven
men on the team hitting over $50. He
was released to Boston In 1901, and
Selee signed him for the Chicago Ma
tionals In 1902. He has been with
that club ever since.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1908-08-19
rrott.r Wainscott Now In Hungary.

Trotter WaInscott NOW IN hungary
walnscott, 2:1oA, for which James
Gatcomb paid $4,000 some years ago,
has been placed at the head Of Count
Andrassy's breeding establishment at
parrio. Hungary.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1908-08-19

A cynic says that the jaws of death
have no terror for him; be only fears
the jaws Of life. He Is married.
Sporting Times.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1908-08-19
Virginia Polytechnic Institute
Estate Agricultural and Mechanical
College,
AT BLACKSBURG, VA.

Estate Agricultural ana Mechahicai
College,
AT BLACKSBURG, VA.
Fifty.six Instructors, Thoroughly
equipped Shops, Laboratories, and In
Urinary. Steam heating and electro
lights, in dormitories. Library lO,OOO
volumes. Farm of 100 acres, Degree
courses in Agriculture, HORTICULTURE
Applied Chemistry, Applied Geology
Civil. Mining, Mechanical and Electri'
cal Engineering, Metallurgy and Metal
logrephy, and Preparatory Veterinary
Medicine.
SCHOOL OF AGRICULTURAL AP-
PRENTiCES
Total cost Of session OF nine months,
> Including tuition aud other fees, board,
w,sshing. unMbrmD, medicel attendance,
etc, $4,000. Cost Of State students,
S226. 60A. xs
The next >Session opens Wednesday,
September 23rd, 1908.
PAUL B. BARRINe8R, NJ. D.,LL.D;
July 29.08 2mo rres'uenU
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1908-08-19

The kidneys are your
blood purifiers, they fiji
ter out the waste OF
impurities in the blood.
If they are sick or out
of order, they fail to do
their work.
Pains, achesandrheu-
matism come from ex-
cess Of uric acid In the
blood, due to neglected
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1908-08-19
Accountants Office

Having opened an O1nce Oh
Washington Street, next door tc
the offices of DIR. Reid White and
DR.. Davidson, I am prepared tc
do all kinds of
PRACTICAL ACCOUNTING
such as Opening and Closing
Books, taking off Trial Balances
and Balance Sheets, making
Partnership Settlements, writing
Articles of Agreement, Wills
Deeds, etc.
l represent the United States
Fidelity & Guaranty Company Of
Baltimore, and am prepared to
furnish bonds for Executors, AID
ministrators, Trustees, Assignees,
Receivers, Treasures, Bank OF
ficials, Government Employees and
all forms of Court Bonds.
Ialso represent the Equitable
Life Assurance Society of New
York, and will be glad to furnish
rates on application.
J. W. MCCLUNG,
Collector and Notary Public
Aug. 12-O8.tf Lexington, Va
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1908-08-19
Rheumatism

I have found tried and tested cure for Rheu-
h1atism Not remedy that will straighten tho
distorted limbs OF chronic crippes, nor turn bony
growths back 10 flesh again. That Is impossible;
But can nov surely kill the pains and pangs Oh
this deplorable disease.
In Germany-with Chemist in the City OF
Darmstadt-I found the last ingredient with
which DR.. Shops Rheumatic Remedy was made
n perfected. dependable prescription. Without
that last Ingredient, successfully treated many.
many Of rheumatism; but now. at last, itlini-
formly cures all durable cases OF this heretofore
much dreaded disease. Those sand-like granular
wastes found in Rheumatic Blood seem 10 diSsolve
end pass sway under the action Of this remedy as
freely az docs sugar when added to pure water
And then when dissolved. these poisonous wastes
freely pass from the system, and the cause OF
real need-no actual excuse to suffer longer WITH,
out help. We SELL and In confidence recommend
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1908-08-19
Saturday, August d, 1908
AT II O'CLOCK, A. NJ.

The numter OF shares OF the Com
pany having increased materially, wh len
stockholders, as majority OF the mum
her Of shares is required to be repre-
sented in order that a meeting car be
held. If not, a second call will be neces-
sary. which will entail additional ex-
pense 10 the Company.
To this end there will be mailed to
each stockholder proxy and ia case
any one cannot attend the meeting he
is earnestly requested to appoint some
one TO represent him, and mail or de-
live liver Il his proxy to one Of the directors,
or any one else who will attend the
meeting. One or more STOCKHOLDERS
'' r. G. WALKER,
.uly 30 OS At Secretary Il Treasurer.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1908-08-19
Over-WOrk Weakens
Your Kidneys.
Unhealthy Kidneys Make Impure Blood.

All the blood in your body passes through
your kidneys once every three minutes.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1908-08-19

kidney trouble.
Kidney trouble causes quick or unsteady
heart beats. and makes one feel as though
they had heart trouble, because the heart Is
over-working in pumping thick, kidney
poisoned blood through veins and arteries.
II used to be considered that only urinary
troubles were TO be traced to the kidneys,
but now modern science proves that nearly
all constitutional diseases have their begin
ming In kidney trouble.
you are sick you can make no mistake
by first doctoring your kidneys. The mild
and the extraordinary effect Of DR.. Kilmer'S
Swamp-Root, the great kidney remedy is
soon realized. II stands the highest for its
wonderful Of the most distressing cases
and Is sold on its merits Ek
by all druggists in fifty AsNFnk as:s :sss:a
cent and one-dollar sz n ~
es. You may have aIs h:lssessfssge7
sample bottle by mail Home Of swampROOt
free, also pamphlet telling you how to find
out II you have kidney or bladder trouble.
Mention this paper when writing DR.. Kilmer
g. Co., Binghamton, N. Y.
Don't make any mistake, but remember
the name, Swamp-Root DR.. Kilmer's
Swamp-Root, and the address, Binghamton,
y, on every bottle.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1908-08-19
Stockholders rleeting
or THE
ROCKBRID0E MUTUAL
INSURANCE co.

TIE Thirtieth annual meeting OF the
Stockholders of the Rockbridge Nut
nal Insurance Company will be held at
the COURT HOUSE on
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1908-02-07
GARBAGE RESOLUTION A SPLIT
TICKET PRODUCTION.

The attempt to divorce the gar
bagn department Of the County of
Oahu from association with the we'll
managed road department has
brought out certain incidents that
are worth the serious consideration
Of the voters of this County--and ev-
cry other County.
The serious end of it has to do
with politics.
In the FIRST place, II is generally
admitted that this divorce program
is not for the benefit of the taxpayer,
or the service. and is very much in
the interests Of persons in the gov
eminent to do politics for other re-
suits than glory
Now consider the facts.
The resolution to increase the en-
ployes of the garbage department was
introduced by Supervisor Fern. Mr.
Fern, after having jumped from ev-
cry party in sight. was elected as a
Democrat, endorsed by the Civic Fed
ieration, and his election put down as
o great victory for the sblit-ticket,
best man theory -.tj m
Frank Harvey approved the di-
yorcement resolution introduced by
Mr.. Fern, MI. Haryey,mpst be cred
tied with being . steadfast Demo-
crat, But he was also reckoned rs
one Of the yietocios. OF The ciyic-Fed-
cration-split-tleket theory. with