davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Ely miner., 1908-09-11
Sneeze Cause for Divorce.

Mrs. John Buckles of Denver is af.
ter a divorce because her husband
sneezes. 1t makes her nervous and
the baby nervous, and even the neigh
bors get fidgety and talk when John
wakes up in the middle of the night
with rousing old "Ho-rash-shoo!"
That's the way Mrs Buckles described
it to the attorney she applied to. John
uses snuff and when he awakened he
would take pinch of snuff and then
lie in bed. hump his back and hora-
shoe SO times or more. 1t would
shake the bed and knock all the covers
off and the baby would set up yell, and
Mrs. Buckles just got distracted The
attorney told her that perhaps John
could not help it, but the lady in
sisted she wouldn't live With the bora.
shoe man. She went off declaring she
would think up some more bad habits
of Johns il sneezing wasn't fit cause
for action.-Minneapolis Journal
The Ely miner., 1908-09-11
An Hotel Superstition.

in the old hotel days there was
superstition among hotel clerks that
IL the register was accidentally closed
business would close for the day. A
story illustrating this superstition is
that of woman who refused to take a
room No. 13. The clerk told her it
was the only room left in the house
and that her fear was only supersti-
ton. She replied: II can't help it; 1
will not take room numbered 13
anyway, and / will have to go some
where else," whereupon she started
to close the register. "Oh, don't close
it," almost shouted the young man in
q state of alarm eQualing her own
over the number.
All this is fading away with modern
methods. Few hotels dare to have
rooms numbered 13 and so the trouble
is seldom heard of. Hotels now have
three or four registers, instead of one,
and keep them closed on shelf under
the desk when not in use, so the
superstition will soon be forgotten.
The Ely miner., 1908-09-11

fessions. The first prizes which are
bestowed upon the great lawyer, the
eminent physician, are not yet open
to him. He must be content without
much luxury; he will have to spend a
good deal of time out of reach of the
ordinary comforts. He must be able
and willing to rough it without COM
plaint-to sleep on hard beds, eat
homely fare, endure prolonged exer-
tion and get along with plain people.
On the other hand, if he is at all
fitted for his profession-and few
weeks of actual forest work or good
summer-school work will tell him
whether he is or not-there is open
to him a very rich reward-life in the
open, in the midst of beautiful, health
full and congenial surroundings, crea-
tive work of unmatched usefulness in
any material field, a place of large re-
sponsibility and dignity, and with it
all fair living.
eff the foresters temperament is
scientific he will have the joy of the
discoverer and organizer of knowl-
edge in rich and almost virgin field,
while if it be practical he will have
the chance of sharing in a national
work of prime Importance to our peo-
pie both now and hereafter"
The Ely miner., 1908-09-11
A STRANGE Will.

A law case with strangely dramatic
adjuncts was lately before the SUI
perior court of st. Petersburg. The
odd circumstances leading to the legal
proceedings were as follows:
One of the wealthiest land owners
near Smolensk died not long ago,
and after the funeral the heirs looked
vainly for the will, but without sue
cess.
A few days later, young man, see
ing graphophone on table in the
dead mans library, put into it record
which he supposed was that of popu.
lar Russian song. To his amazement
and terror, instead of song he heard
the voice of the dead man recite the
words of the missing will.
The heirs were notified of the dis
covery, lawyers were summoned, and
they lost no time in examining the
record containing the will. 1t was
found to be fiawless, and the question
then arose whether will left on a
graphophone cylinder would be deemed
valid by the courts. 1t is, therefore,
on this unique point that the superior
court must render it's decision.-Sunday
Magazine.
The Ely miner., 1908-09-11

Dispatches which would make your
blood curdle with anguish and sorrow
for the rich are flying all over the
country.
Something like this:
Boston, To-day: At 10:30 this
morning Rudolph Oscar Grabbitall, the
millionaire stone-breaker, read the
startling news that foreign count
had just landed in New York. His
suffering was pathetic. His daughter,
Gasolene Panatella, who will inherit
$19,000000, mostly in bonds, stocks
and newspaper talk, was in the dental
parlor five blocks away from home
when the blow fell Calling his house
hold about him, Mr. Grabbitall rushed
into the dental parlor, beat the dent
ist down with his bill, dragged Gaso-
lene Panatella home and locked her
up in the rear cupboard of the spare
room on the second floor of his man.
sion. Her teeth suffered somewhat,
but, thank heaven! her money will re-
main in this country. The commu-
nifty breathes easier, but all the in
coming trains are being watched"
Are you wise, Bunch, to what the
pan-handling nobility Of Europe are
doing in our dear United States?
They are putting all our million
aires on the fritz, that's what they're
doing. ..
1t will soon come to pass that the
heiress will have to be locked up in
the safe deposit vaults with papa's
bank book.
Here is an item from one of our
most prominent newspapers. Read it.,
Bunch, and then rush out and take a
running kick at the first nobleman
you see:
Long Island City. Now.-Pinchem
The Ely miner., 1908-09-11
Player, Signed as Joke, Makes Good.

Outfelder Schweitzer, with the st.
Louis Browns, is fortunate youth.
He is from Youngstown, McAleer's
home town, and played in the Ohio
and Pennsylvania league. More to
oblige the folk at home, who kept
bothering him with tales of Schweit-
zer's ability, than with any hope
that he would deliver the goods, Nc
Aleer decided to take him south for
the spring practice. To his great
surprise, the kid showed all sorts of
class with the stick and in the field,
but McAleer was still unconvinced,
and did not give him a chance until
Jones and Hoffman began to fade
away so far that he tried Schweitzer
as a last resort, and the experiment
at once proved successful.
The Ely miner., 1908-09-11
Critical Eye for Babies.

The five-year-old daughter Of a
Brooklyn man has had such large
experience of dolls that she feels her
self to be something of connoisseur
In children.
Recently there came real live baby
into the house.
When it was pat into her arms the
hve-year-old surveyed it with criti-
cal eye.
isn't 1t nice baby?" asked the
nurse.
'Yes, it's NICE" answered the young
ster hesitatingly. Its nice, but it's
heads loose e"-Lippincott's.
The Ely miner., 1908-09-11

squirrels and all animals except those
that can be reached by an automo.
bile, but why don't we have law to
protect the heiresses?
Why are these titled slobs permit
ted to borrow car fare, and come over
here and give this fair land a fit of
indigestion?
Why are they permitted to set their
proud and large feet on the soil for
which our forefathers fought and bled
for their country, and for which some
of us are still fighting and bleeding
the country?
Why?
Why do these fat-heads come over
here with a silver cigarette case and
society directory and make every
rich man in the country fasten a bur-
glar alarm to his check book?
Find out, Bunch.
A few days ago one of these NUTS
with an Edam title jumped off an
ocean liner, and Immediately the price
of padlocks rose to the highest point
ever known on the stock exchange.
All over the country rich men with
romantic daughters rushed to and
fro and then rushed back again.
They were up against crisis.
If you could get near enough to the
long-distance telephone, Bunch, you
could hear one rich old American guy
shrieking the battle-cry to another cap
tain of industry out in Indianapolis:
TO arms! The foe! The foe! He
comes with nothing but his full-dress
suit and blank marriage license! To
arms! To arms!"
The telegraph wires are also siz-
alag with excitement.
The Ely miner., 1908-09-11
MOTHER AND CHILD
Both Fully Nourished on Grape-Nuts.

The value of this famous food is
shown in many ways, in addition to
what might be expected from its chem
ical analysis.
Grape-Nuts food is made of whole
wheat and barley, is thoroughly baked
for many hours and contains all the
wholesome ingredients in these ce-
reals.
1t contains also the phosphate Of
potash grown in the grains, which Ma
ture uses to build up brain and nerve
cells.
Young children require proportion
ately more of this element because the
brain and nervous system of the child
grows so rapidly.
A Va mother found the value of
Grape-Nuts in not only building up her
own strength but in nourishing her
baby at the same time. She writes:
after my baby came I did not re-
cover health and strength, and the
doctor said I could not nurse the baby
as I did not have nourishment for her,
besides / was too weak.
He said I might try a change of
diet and see what that would do, and
recommended Grape-Nuts food.
bought pkg. and used it regularly
A marked change came over both
baby and l.
"My baby is now four months old,
is in fine condition, I am nursing her
and doing all my work and never felt
better in my life" There's a Reason"
Name given by Postum Co., Battle
Creek, Mich. Read ''The Road to Well
ville," in pkgs.
Ever read the above Ietter7 A new
one appears from time to time. They
are genuine, true, and full Of human
Interest.
The Ely miner., 1908-09-11
HUMMELL IS VERSATILE
Dodgers Utility Man Has Essayed
Every Position But Catcher.

Silent John Hummell, who is on the
pay roll of the Brooklyn club, has
only to catch game now and he will
go down in the baseball book as havt.
ing played every position on the dia-
mond.
Three years ago a message came to
the Brooklyn grounds that there was
pretty good ball player up in Hol,
yoke and the Brooklyn team got him.
In his three years with Brooklyn ha
has moved into the front rank of util1
ity men. He does all his work in a
cool, unassuming way. He has noth3
ing to say, on or off the field, but
what he does with the ball while the
game is on is what makes Silent John
class with the best Of all around play:
ers.
Just now Hummell is going at a
fast clip. He was always good hit
ter, and is in the 300 class at present.
1t doesn't make any difference where
Patsy Donovan sends him. He never
says a word. He picks up his glove
and makes good wherever he is as
signed. 1t looks as If Holyoke will
never see him again, and no other
minor league club for some time
Hummell has gathered them up in
every position in the outfeld, and has
filled in all around the infield. He
went in and pitched game two years
ago in the latter part of the season,
and, as said before, he is waiting for
a chance to go in and catch a game
He is the popular John with Brook;
lyn baseball fans, and every time he
moves about the quarter boys, who
know the game about as well as any
say:
There's a pretty sweet ball player"
The Ely miner., 1908-09-11
Asleep for Thirty-TWo Years.

A most remarkable case of woman
who has slept for 80 years is reported
in Der Tag" from Monsteraes, near
Stockholm. Karoline Karlsdatter was
a schoolgirl of Is when she suddenly
fell asleep over her books in the
schoolroom. After fruitless efforts on
the teachers part to rouse her the
girl was carried home. She slept until
quite recently, when she awoke to
find that her childhood and girlhood
were long past, and that she is now a
middle-aged woman of As. Fraulein
Karlstadder is not very much worried
over the matter, however. She feels
as fresh and as full of energy as If
she had merely enjoyed good nights
rest. Her chief concern at present is
to make up for lost time and complete
her education, which was so abruptly
interrupted.
The Ely miner., 1908-09-11
Undertaking a German NobIeman.'

Entertaining a German Nobeman."
sue paper and only eight dollars in
their jeans.
Count Cheese Won Cheese was in
troduced to me by Uncle Peter as
plain Herr Bungstarter, and then
uncle whispered me next to the real
truth about the incognito gag.
Uncle Peter certainly does make
both ends meet in the lemon industry.
He is the original onion collector,
and he spends his waking moments
falling for dead ones. ...
was on to Count Cheese Won
Cheese the moment he opened his talk
trap.
That milf is over here to pick out
an heiress and fall in love with her
because he needs the money.
Every steamer brings them over
Bunch, some incognito, some in dress
suits, and some in hoe signo vinces,
but all of them able to pick out a
lady with bank account at so PAGES.
It's getting so now, Bunch, that an
open-face, stem-winding American
has to kick four dukes, eight earls,
seven counts, and couple of princes
off the front steps every time he goes
to call on his sweetheart-if she has
money.
When I go down into Wall street,
Bunch, find rich men with tears
streaming down their faces while they
are calling up on the telephone to see
if their daughter, Gladys, is still safe
at home, where they left her before
they came down to business.
Walk through peachy palace of
the rich on Fifth avenue, and what will
you find?
Answer: You will find proud moth
er bowed with a great grief, and hold
ing on to rope which is tied to her
daughters ankle to prevent the lat
ter from running out on the front
piazza and throwing kisses at the
titled foreigners.
You will find these cheap skates
everywhere, Bunch, rushing hither and
thither, and shifting the air for the
odor of burning money.
Why should it be thus, Bunch?
We have laws in this country to
protect the birds and the trees, the
The Ely miner., 1908-09-11
Beqinninq EarIy,

Papa" said little Rollo, whose ia.
ther was shaving himself, didn't you
tell me once that man was a bene-
factor who made two blades of grass
grow where only one grew before?"
Eyes, my son.
"Then a man who makes safety-ra-
zors is a benefactor, isn't he?"
"Why SOP" asked his father.
Because he makes ten blades grow
where there wasn't any BEFORE" an
swered little Rollo.
"Alvira," groaned the sad father,
"that boy is going to be humorist."-
The Ely miner., 1908-09-11
Boy Grades the CIerqy.

Bishop Potter, at an ecclesiastical
dinner in New York, read Coopers-
town schoolboy's essay on Clergy
men," The essay, which created
much amusement, was as follows:
There are kinds of clergymen
Bishups recters and curats. the bish-
ups tells the recters to work and the
curats have to do it. A curat is thin
married man but when he is recter
he gets fuller and can preach longer
sermons and becums a good man
Washington Star.
The Ely miner., 1908-09-11

Thirty-nine young graduates of nine
American forest schools have lately
received appointments as forest as
sistants in the forest service and have
been assigned to positions for the
present field season. The new ap-
pointees are drawn from the various
forest schools as follows: Yale, 18;
Biltimore, five; University of Mime
sofa, four; University of Michigan,
four; Michigan Agriculture college,
three; Harvard, two; Cornell, one;
University of Iowa, one, and Universe
ty of Nebraska, one. They have Sc
cured their appointments as a result
of passing the regular civil service ex-
animation, which is the only avenue to
employment as a forester under the
government. In addition to these
graduates of forest schools, Is other
candidates passed the examination.
twenty-five of the new appointees
are already at work on various ma
tional forests, taking part in their ad-
ministration, and II have been as
signed to different projects connected
with the technical study of silvicul-
ture. Forest assistants are men who
have completed their preliminary
training for the profession of forestry,
as the graduates of law or medical
school have completed theirs, and are
ready to enter on practical work. Un-
til they have gained experience in
their work, however, their positions
are necessarily subordinate. They
are at the foot of the ladder and must
prove their fitness in order to mount
higher. The government pays them
$1,000 year at the start.
On the national forests the forest
assistant often acts as adviser to the,
supervisors in charge, who are west
ern men experienced in all practical
matters, but usually without school
training in the science of forestry.
There is a growing interest in the
profession of forestry now, and many
young men are asking how to get into
it and what it promises. Clifford
Pinchot, the government forester, has
lately written on this subject:
'To be good forester man should
COU1Dlu0 SOuSluluS VI lie udluTdllSI
with a good deal of the business man.
To know how to use the forest he
must be able to study it. He must
have, therefore, the power of observa-
ton, fondness for nature, and the
ability to penetrate her secrets. But
if he is to succeed he must also have
good practical judgment and the abil-
ity to meet and handle men. He must
be resourceful, able to stand by him.
self, willing to undergo the privations
of rough life, and capable of command
ing the respect of rough men, who
quickly recognize virility and genuine
ness of character, but will not tolerate
pretense or the assumption Of superb
ority. A forester needs a vigorous
mind in vigorous body. He must be
of the kind that likes to get things
done. and does not give up when
things are not going his way.
''The professional forester cannot
hope for big fees and certain pleasant
surroundings of life which crown dis
tinguished success in some other pro-
The Ely miner., 1908-09-11
Health.

The practice of invariably chewing
everything AZ times before swallowing
it not only restored the rich mans
health, but saved his soul as well.
For, one day, in the course of busi-
ness, he strained at a gnat and swal-
lowed a camel.
And the camel having been chewed
AZ times, was fit to pass through the
eye of needle So the rich man
was able to enter the Kingdom OF
Heaven, after all.-Puck.
The Ely miner., 1908-09-11
Use of HoWjtzers.

Howitzers are used especially to set
fire to buildings, to reach an enemy
that is behind parapets or hills, to
make breaches in mud walls by ex-
ploding shells in them and against
cavalry. They project common shells.
common and spherical case-shot and
sometimes round shot. In howitzers
the trunions are in the middle.
The Ely miner., 1908-09-11
Fortunate. indeed.

Cook-Taylor was always for
tunate man, but doesn't it seem won
derful that his luck should stay with
him to the very last?
Raleigh-How was that?
Cook-Why, he was operated on for
the removal of pearl which he had
accidentally swallowed while eating
oysters, and when the pearl was ex-
amined it was found to be valuable
enough to pay for both the operation
and the funeral.-Judge.
The Ely miner., 1908-09-11
Seeking a Happy Medium.

what do you intend to give to our
campaign fund?' asked the political
expert. Its hard to decide" answered
Mr.. Dustin Stax. "The amount must,
of course, be big enough to help the
cause and at the same time small
enough not to start a scandal"
The Ely miner., 1908-09-11
An AeronauticaI Saw

A proverb frequently quoted among
aeronauts runs: 'If you go up in
dirigible say prayer; if you go up in
an aeroplane. say two; but If you get
married. say six"
The Ely miner., 1908-09-11

Because his position is closer to the
plate, the third baseman has to handle
batted balls which are hotter than
those fielded from any other position.
The Ely miner., 1908-09-11

india's Cheap Postal Service.
The Indian empire has the cheap
est postal service In the world.
The Ely miner., 1908-09-11
III Uy pOoItIOHo'
FIRST BASE.

Here are the fielding averages b.
leagues and by positions:
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1908-01-09
sIERAID OHIO THURSDAY JANUARY > 1905

home.
The third quarterly meeting of the
Lynchburg circuit will occur on Janu-
arv IL and IL at Jacksonville.
Chris Jonte and wife, Ida Oldaker
and Simpson Oldaker attended the I.
o. o. F. banquet at Lynchburg New
Years eve.
The election of the officers of the
G. A. r. took place here Dec. %, 1907,
resulting as follows: Commander,
Joseph Siddens; Senior Vice, william
Sinclair; Junior Vice, Frederick
Roush; Chaplain, Lewis Ludwick !:
Surgeon, John Webster; officer of
Day, G. A. Clancy; Adjutant, John
wilkin; Quarter Master, John w.
Oldaker; OHicer of Guard, e. B..
Reeves; Quarter Master Sergeant, J..
B. Gibson; Sergeant Major, Philip
Bellies.
The W. @. T. U will meet at the
church here on Friday January 10 at
2 O'Clock p. m. Everybody Is cordially
invited
Mrs. Lizzie Gilbert and children, of
Chillicothe, spent fewdays recently
at the home of her father, William m
Sinclair.
George Caihane and family and
relatives from Wheeling, w Va 4,
were visiting at Charlie Trop's sun.
day.
Everybody attend the Temperance
Couv antion at Hillsboro next Monday.
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1908-01-09
RUSSELL.
January 8, 1908.


Mr.. and Mrs. James Fenner are
spending few weeks with their son,
Wilbur, and their daughter, Mrs
Rena Griffith and family, of Bloom
ingsburg, and their daughter, Mrs.
Anna Griffith, at Greenfield.
John Briggs and wife spent Christ
mas at Cincinnati.
Misses Jennie and Mary Boatright
and Kittie Oldaker spent the holidays
with their home folks here.
Mrs. Jane Diven and niece, Miss
Tiny Borden, of Hillsboro, and Mrs.
Bessie Kesler and children, of Lynch
burg, we're recent guests of Mrs. e. e.
Edward.
Nellie and Ruth Mccoy. of Colum-
bus, were holiday visitors at the home
of their grandparents, VIM. Britton
and wife.
Mrs. Laura Burton has left for an
extended visit with her daughter,
Mrs. Cora swearinger, at Pasadena,
Cal.
BENJAMIN Newton and daughter,
Ruth, we're visiting relatives at Chilli
cothe recently.
Harvey Hart, who is working at
Cincinnati, spent two or three days
with his family here.
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1908-01-09
JOHN Q. ROADS,
Auditor Highland County,.
MARSHALL.
January 8, 1908.

January 8, 1908.
Judge o. a. Hughes was guest of
]. v. Hogsett and family on his firm
here during the holidays.
T. @. Weaver and wife and son, Mr..
and Mrs. Nicodemus and Miss Elsie
Gall, of PEBBLES, we're guests of F. B.
Cummings and family Xmas.
Misses Flossy Watts and Myrtle
Murphy, of the Hillsboro High School,.
spent their vacation among relatives
here.
John Hogsett, of the New Vienna
High School, visited his parents, J. ".
Hogsett and wife during vacation.
]. e. Burnett and wife, M. G. Lucas
and wife, Sam Mccoy and wife, F. Il.
G. Bell and the Messrs. Garen and
families, of Plum Run, attended the
funeral Of Stanley Lucas, at Rains
boro, last Saturday.
Rev. w. B. Dunham delivered his
stereoptican Illustrated lecture at the
Presbyterian church last Thursday
night to an appreciative throng.
The oyster supper by the Ladies'
Aid was we'll patronized Saturday
night.
The l. o. o. F. lodge had a social
oyster supper last Tuesday night.
Rev. w. B. Dunbam preached a
good sermon at the Presbyterian
church last Sunday at 2:SO p. m.
J. Burch Elliott, of Duraut, Miss.
is the guest of relatives here.
David Miller will sell his personal
property and 60 to live with his son,
William, in Greenfield.
Rev. d. Lee Auitman preached a
good sermon at Marshall Friday and
another at Pisgah NJ. e. Church Sum
day morning.
Mr. and Mrs will Smith, of
Bonneville, we're guests Of L. D. Nc
Coy and family part of last week.
Misses Mary Watts and Navie BELL
and Messrs. Joseph Bell, d. r. Cum
mings, r. @. Lyle, Virgil Shelton and
II. 81. q. Bell attended Farmer's Insti-
tute at Rainsboro last week.
Protracted meeting is being held
here at Pisgah ". e. Church,
conducted by Revs. McColm ana
Davis respectively.
L.