davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1908-02-29
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF IT
WAS YOUR LAST DAY ON
EARTH?
GIVE WILL. JENKINS A JOB OF
Window Washing, Rub Cleaning
and General House work!

Not me! (see Dictionary Of
Slang" page 40 II this were my
last day on earth and by some divine
revelation. l knew 1t. would dig me
\ can Of bait, cut crooked pole and
go down to the lake and fish! Flat
down on the sloping side of q grassy
bank. would throw my body, face
upward to the skies and the Autumn
breezes-and there would lie and
think Of the Joy of NO longer having to
turn the grindstone to pay little butch
er bills. little millinery bills. little gas
bills. little coal bills. little shoe bills,
little doctor bills. bills. bills, bills! 1
would try to be reconciled because
tomorrow there would be NO jealous
les. NO back-biting. no pickering, NO
dlsappointments, no knocks, NO blood
sucking! There beside the lake, with
its leaf-bestrewn tapping, would gaze
with the interest Of one who looks for
the last time upon the glories Of sky
and valley and field and ravine. /
would sniff the tang Of ripened grape
and list the rustic of the flaming su-
mac swirling along the hillside with
the sere and Autumn leaf l would
open my heart to the song Of the birds
and softly stroke the hair of the
tramp dog that minded my call and
was not afraid. And If l caught a
fish, would throw 1t back again, for
I would not need food for the morrow
which was not to be. Here among the
diapason OF the soughing wind and
the whirling leaves. barking en-
thralled to the harmonies that spring
from Natures throat, I would expec-
torate on my bait and cast out for
another try at the big one that got
away the last time fshed! Give Bill
jenkins job washing windows! Well,
I should say not! Whose funeral is
this, anyhow. Bill Jenkins or mine?
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1908-02-29
WIDE TlREs.
The Pres and Cons ceNesrnins Their
Uti:ity on Country Reads.

This il . question which has re-
ceived . great deal Of attention and
about which there has been much dis
cussion. Whether or not wide tires
are the most satisfactory depends
upon . number Of things. For ex-
ample, ON hard roads. Wide tires do
not pull any heavier than narrow
tires. but on some country roads. and
especially where the dirt rolls up"
1t 10 dihicult to use . wide-tired
wagon. Many states have legislated
on this subject, but the question Is
still unsettled. Let us look for mo-
ment at some Of the problems.
One OF the most convincing tests,
which has been referred to often. was
that made at the Missouri agricul-
tural college several years ago. A
load weighing 1855 pounds was used
in the test. The tires OF the wheels
were IN inches and three iches. re-
spectively. The draft Of the narrow
tires was 439 pounds. or AIS per cent.
more than the wide tires. Estimat-
Ing the wagons to weigh 1000 pounds.
thus on broad tires q 3,248-pound load
would be drawn as easily A. 1000
pounds .on narrow tires. The broad
wheels do not injure the turf. while
the narrow wheels go through.
Under some circumstances. the mar
row tires evidently draw easier. This
is true on dirt road which IL muddy.
Then. too. as a rule, broad tires have
been used ON low wheels. Generally
speaking, low wheels pull heavier
than high wheels. particularly where
the road Is rough. In recent inquiry
sent out to users of low-wheeled, wide
tired wagons. the consensus OF optn-
ion was that wide tires were much
more satisfactory; FIRST. because 1t
was easier to put on the roads; sec
ond. because the roads were injured
less by these wide tires. Where mar
row tires tended to cut up the surface
Of farm roads, wide tires tended to
pack the surface and make It hard.
A few years ago some very COM
plete tests were made at South Bend.
Ind. The conclusions were ~ fol-
lows: On hard roads. block pave
ments and other permanent and sub
stantial roads, there was NO argu'
ment. 80 far as actual draft Is con.
cerned, the effect being rather against
the wide tire and In favor Of the mar
row tire. In the effect on hard roads.
wide tires have the advantage. and
this benefit should be appreciated by
turnpike and macadam companies.
In soft mud. slush and other similar
circumstances the advantage is
against the wide tire and in favor OF
the narrow. On the other hand. on
sod and soft ground, where the wide
tire does not cut In and the narrow
one does, the advantage Ii on the
side OF the wide tire.
A test was made at the Ohio state
universlty and the results were SINH
lar to those in Missouri. Two horses
could easily draw a heavy load on
grass sod where the tires used were
used.
1t will thus be seen. says Orange
Judd Farmer. that the matter of wide
tires is very important from the
standpoint of the man who Is inter
ested in better highways. There are.
however, two sides to the question.
and every state must fully discuss and
investigate before attempting rules
and regulations.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1908-02-29
ant FINDS 4 SWAMP FREAK.
VIII Strive to Rear oussr Locking
Animal on Nursing Bottle.

vineland. N. ia peculiar animal
was picked up on the banks Of the
Maurice river swamp by Miss Flor
ence Hoffman. Some think It resem.
bles cross between an otter and one
Of the wild dogs Of the region; others
think 1t 10 . mixture Of fox and dog.
while still others think It simply q
freak Wild dog.
The animals hind feet resemble
those Of . bear. and its fur. which
grows the wrong way. suggests that
Of the otter Its claws are sharp and
it strives to burrow in the ground
continually.
Miss Hoffman has secured . nurs
ing bottle. and will raise the wonder
on milk.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1908-02-29

These figures are large, but inter.
esting: There are 10.43S.219 farmers
in the United States. with 5.73s,657
farms, worth 320.514.001, 1888. the pro
ducts Of which are worth S3.764.177,.
70e. and who feed not only them.
selves and the rest Of the eighty-four
million Americans. but send 117.71s..
657 bushels Of wheat. to say nothing
Of 13.919.04s barrels Of nour, to for.
eigners. The foreigners pay 62.061..
S56 for the corn and @2s.757.517 and
S5S.1oS.ss 70 for the wheat and noaF.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1908-02-29
PLAN ron a eoancs's.
Build II High 20 a. to Make Handling
Of Grain Easy.

Tho modern way 70 build . cora.
CRIB and oat bin II to build 1t high.
high. The building may be IS feet by
- feet with square pitch roof. and ]
would use an elevator or grain dump
outside Of building over the roof. dis.
charging the grain through the mid
die Of the roof. and spouting. It In
the inside to either side or the mid
die, says correspondent Of the Breed
ers' Gazette.
have such m outfit and can NIL
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1908-02-29

Detroit. Mich.-With the pastor
Rev. w. H. Bill. at the piano furnish
ing the music. the members Of the
Church Of Our Savior INDUCED in q
dance in the church building. Ths
dance was the windup feature Of the
harvest home celebration.
Dancing II . wholesome amuse.
msnt when the enviroamsnt IL proper
~ pastor aatd.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1908-02-29

Barn cellars for the storing Of
manure are not much in use in this
country. The easiest plan for handling
the manure Is to haul 1t out onto the
land ~ soon Is = load has accumu-
lated, unless 1t contains conrstalks
and other materials that need time for
dtsinteGrstlo~
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1908-02-29

The head over a wedding notice In
Nebraska newspaper was Atwood
Crabtree." The brides first name
was Hazel and the groom was a wood
worker in the local cooper shop. HUI
morists please make their own com.
ments. l have made mine In the
heading.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1908-02-29

People in the cities sneer at small
towns. but there are worse places. We
prefer living In a small town where the
people will sympathixe with you IL you
are in trouble. and IL you haven't any
trouble they will hunt II up for you
Lexington tMich) News.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1908-02-29
Boz fer SEED Corn Lars.

RE Farmer, 1t would add to the
strength Of the box to bend 1t to ex-
tend from the top Of the outer side of
the tox, under and around to the In
ner top, terminating In the hooks. as
shown in the accompanying illustra.
ton,
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1908-02-29
ron SAVING sEEo CORN.
Tail.End Box Which viii Prove Handy
At hus<ing Time.

At husking time make a box one
foot wide, as long as the width of the
wagon box and few inches shallow.
err. Fasten hooks on one side to hook
over the end-gate. II q worn-out
buggy tire is available, suggests Prai-
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1908-02-29

A richly Creased lady stopped q boy
trudzing along with a basket, and asked:
mo. ma'am." said the Innocent, 1--WE
got potatoes" (Mo.) Democrat.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1908-02-29

the entire building by one setting Of
elevator. The enclosed plan OF crib
will hold 5000 bushels Of corn and g.
900 bushels Of oats, and has neat
appearance. BY building high you
save work in shelling. rs corn will roll
down and does not need to be shov.
eled.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1908-02-29

An eastern physician says the bite
Of . young woman is as much to be
dreaded as the bite of 4 mad dog.
This may be true. but. for me. gimme
TIE woman. She amt mad, anyhow!
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1908-02-29

Startling.
In show window of Chicago read
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1908-01-24
Winning Compliment.

The beautiful girl shook her head ia
the negative.
NO" she said, after a moments de-
liberation, Il can neve-no, never-be
your wife. But I'll tell YOU what I'll
do. Just TO show you that there is no
hard feeling on my part, will be pres
ent when you marry some other girl
and lombard you with old shoes for
hck."
All, here was an opportunity. Quick
as fash the young man responded:
please don't. If YOU must throw
old shoes, borrow them"
And why not use my own?"
Because they are so small we could
never detect them from the rice"
Flattery won. The beautiful girl de-
cided right there that the young man
was altogether too clever for any 9TH
er girl, so she reversed her decision
and the cards are out.-Chicago News
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1908-01-24
Deafness Cannot BE Cured

ylocalapIlicatiOns as they cannot reachthe
diseased portion ofthe ear. There is only one
way TO cure deafness, and that Is Ky consti-
iutional remedies. Deafness is caused byan
inflamcd condition Of the mucous lining Of
the Eustaclian Tube. When this tube sim
famed YOU have a rumbling sound or imper-
feet hearing. and when il is entirely closed
Deafness j. the result. and unless the iniiam-
nation can be taken out and this tube re-
stored 10 it, normal condition, hearing will
he destroyed forever. Nine cases out often
are caused 10y catarrh which is nothing butan
lIfamed condition OF the mucous surfaces.
We will give one Hundred Dollars for any
case of Deafness tcauscd 10y catarrh that can
Lotbe cured by Halls Catarrh Cure. Send for
circulars tree. r. j. tHENEY& \ o., Toledo, o..
sold 10y Druggists, 15c.
lake Halls Family Pills for constipation.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1908-01-24
Cbinaman's Success in Mexico.

Away down in the Sierra Madre
Mountains OF Northern Mexico /
came across a Cbinaman who has
made a great success Of farming and
who is destined 10 become a very
rich man" said Mr.. Thomas X. Ham
by, OF San Antonio, Tex. This son
OF the Orient, whose name is Joe,
gas the biggest potato farm In the
whole republic. He speaks both Eng
lish and Spanish well, and he is rs
quick and progressive as any Yam
kee ever beheld. His neighbOrs
admire and like him immensely, and
al hands say there isn't squarer
man in Mexico.
Joe came xtO Metico about five
years ago and bought 500 acres Of
unimproyed but productive land at
trining cost and on credit. He start
cd in raising Irish potatoes and made
enough the first season 10 pay for
his place. His success caused him 10
buy more property and he now owns
1000 acres. Not once has he bad
failure OF crops. and this season he
told me ne expected his shipments OF
potatoes TO be about seventy carloads.
They are the finest I ever saw and
in quality fully equal the celebrated
variety that has made Greeley, Col,
famous.
His farm Is right al the summit
Of the continental divide, 300 feet
above the sea level, where there is
plenty Of rainfall 20 make good crops
without Irrigation. Joe told me that
he had made a beginning in sugar
beet farming with good results, and
he believed that Northern Mexico
would some day be one OF the great
sugar producing regions OF the
world. Baltimore American.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1908-01-24

il was a humble parasite,
Far smaller than a flea.
Who came upon winters night
And rented rooms In me.
j knew not where he went to dine
Nor how he spent the day.
But soon within this frame OF mine
The devil was to pay.
Along my Ego's thoroughfare
A whlrlwnd seemed 10 pass;
A sense OF terror raised my hair,
My soul grew sick alas,
i shivered with unholy pain.
| burned with inward fire,
And not doctor could explain
The while their bills ran higher.
They murmured Latin names galore,
Then guessed again IN Greek,
And wrote prescriptions by the score
Of words they could not speak.
And finally twas put 10 rout-
Ny tenant had To skip
And then IL was that | found out
The beast was called Ia Grippe
". sheldon, in the New Nor
Times.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1908-01-24
BANISHED
Coffee Finally Had TO Go.

The way some persons cling to cof-
fee even after they know II is doing
them harm is a puzzler. But II is an
easy matter TO give il up for good,
when Postum Food Coffee is proper
ly made and used instead.
girl writes Mother had been
suffering with nervous headaches for
seven weary years, but kept drinking
coffee.
"One day I asked her why she did
not give up coffee, as a cousin OF
mine had done who had taken to
Postum. But mother was such a
slave to coffee she thought Il would
be terrible TO give IL up.
FINALLY. one day, she made the
change TO Postum, and quickly her
headaches disappeared One morn
ing while she was drinking Postum
so freely and with such relish asked
for a taste.
That started me on Postum, and
] now drink IL more freely than | did
coffee, which never comes into our
house now.
saw me drinking PosXTm and asked
II IL was coffee. tN.d her 1t was
Postum, and gave her some to take
home. but forgot TO tell her how to
make IL.
The next day she said she did not
see how ! could drink Postum. ]
found she had made Il like ordinary
coffee. So told her how TO make II
right. and gave her a cupful I made.
after boiling IL fifteen minutes. She
said she never drank any coffee that
tasted as good. and row coffee is ban
lshed from both our homes" Name
given by Postum Co, Battle Creek,
Michigan.
Read the little book. The Road 20
Wellville" In pkgs. There's q Roa-
son"
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1908-01-24
Thirst For knowledge.

Lord Dunedin, the lord president of
the court of session, has apparently
an Unsuitable thirst for knowledge.
When he was studying Rumanian
three years ago much was said of
the idea Of man of 90 learning a
new language. This winter the lord
president is one OF the non-matricula-
tion students at Edinburgh university.
where he is attending a special course
Of lectures on German literature. Lord
Dunedin is a brilliant conversation.
alist. a keen sportsman and incident.
ally before he was a lord was one Of
the first VI. P.'s TO arrive al the house
on a bicycle-Westm Gazette
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1908-01-24
MAKING SsSee.

"Oh, MY" exclaimed the excited wo-
man who had mislaid her husband.
I'm looking for small man with
one eyc."'
"Well. ma'am," replied the polite
noorwalker, III he's very small man,
WatChman
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1908-01-24
His Observation.

There's a young woman that never
becomes tiresome," said the critic.
"She wears well"
But not much observed his friends
as he glanced at her Partisan ball
gown.-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1908-01-24
S;Ies2 SS{ESEFESIes2 !Sl,{5EiSEFSI

Heard a fellow mention me to-day
In connection with the Presidency" :"
"No?" Fact. Said no dub OF my
type would do. Louisville Courier
Journal.
mo, Maude, dear; when an en-
ployer has trouble with his hands, it
wouldn't do him much good TO con-
suit manicure. - Philadelphia
Record.
You meet him daily on the street.
A man of hoary pate.
Who minds a winter Just like this
Way back IN IS.
New York Sun.
Bessie. what are YOU handling all
that candy for?" Because, mamma,
you told me | must eat only the pieces
l had touched with my fingers. -
Life.
Mother (sternly) Cant you
check your wife's constant demand
for money!" Husband (despairing-
ly)-"That's just it She's always
after checks. Baltimore American.
Teacher (after explaining the char
acter of the Pharisec) ""And now.
what do we mean by a 'hypocrite?' +"
Pupil" Please, miss, a man wot says
he is wot he isn't, but he amt. -
Punch.
Cholly-" Aw, why do you suppose
It is that l am always SO beastly
bwoke. v know" Dolly suppose
it's because every one gets so much
amusement at your expense. "-Clevc-
land Leader.
The girl VINO always ponder ~ wico
Ere she speaks once, boy gum.
j. either very. very NEE.
Or else she's deaf and dumb
Philadelphia Press.
"They say that travel broadens a
man." said the dark woman. We'll,
I don't know about that" replied the
light woman. My husband has been
a conductor on trolley car for seven
years, and see how thin he is, -
Yonkers Statesman.
Lady OF Uncertain Age tto horrid
child And how old are you?"
Horrid Child-"Five. How old are
you?" Lady of Uncertain Age--"Oh.
] don't remember the year I was
born" Horrid Child" Well, then,
tell me the century. Punch.
Have you ever taken any interest
in the pre-Raphaelites? asked Mrs.
Oldcastle. well. no." replied her
hostess. II can't say that ever
have. Josiah was reading in the
paper the other day that one fell in
Texas not long ago that weighed over
ton. n."-Chicago Record Herald
George" said the bride OF year,
l"you have broken every one OF the
good resolutions you made during our
courtship." "Wcll, don't let little
thing like that worry you, my dear, -
replied her husband. 81 can make
others just as good. Chicago Daily
News.
Tine only thing lack" said the
would-be poet, "is the power OF ex-
preston. There's poetry in me, and
: mean TO bring It out before | die. ="
" Yes?" replied the cynical critic.
Maybe itll kill You before yOu get
D. out OF your system. Philadelphia
Press.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1908-01-24

fifteen years and until / began using
Doan's Kidney Pills. Then l i'm
proved steadily until cured. and nat
urally l recommend them strongly"
Sold by all dealers, so cents a box.
Foster Milburn Co., Buffalo, y. Y.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1908-01-24

work and heavy lit
ing weakened my
kidneys. ! was tired
every morning and
my limbs stiff and
sore. Dizzy spells
and hea daches were
frequent, and the
kidney secretion 5
much disordered.
This continued for
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1908-01-24
Then and Now.

Once, We are told. IL took one
sermon to convert 5000 souls. now
IL takes 5000 sermons 90 convert one
soul.-Rev. 4. J. Villers, Baptist. In.
dianapolis.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1908-01-24
For Over Half a Century

unexcelled as a cure for hoarseness,
coughs and sore throat.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1908-01-24

Near Wolcott, y Y, lightning struck
house and killed a cat. A child
playing with the cat was not injured
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1908-01-24

Lamps cause FIVE hundred fires in
year in London; gas, 2l9; chimneys
III.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1908-01-24
How God Judges.

Cod can doubtless read the human
heart, but lie elects TO Judge men by
their effect on the Ieighb2rhood.-
Home HeTsll.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1908-01-24
piles CuI,,i i'm 0 tn IA DAYS.

Pazo Ointment ls guaranteed to cure any
case of Itching, Blind, Bleeding or Protruding
Piles in 8 10 IA days ormoney refunded. soc.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1908-01-24

William Cross, secretary of state
i'm Oklahoma. signs his name officially
bill Cross"
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1908-01-24
REV. TROUTMAN SENDS
BEST WISHES FOR PE-RU-NA
Rev. George A. E. Troutm;
Washington, No., Writes,
my Wife and | Are Strong
Believers in Pe-ru-na."
Catarrh and La CTlppc.

Rev. Geo. A. l.. Troutman, Mt.
Washington, Mo-, writes: "My wife
and l are strong believers in Peruna.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1908-01-24
ASK Your Druggist Free Perunu Almanac for 1908.


"Pa, did YOU ever hear money talk?'
eyes"
"What did It say?"
"Goodby. - Chicago Record-Herall.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1908-01-24
Peruua In Tablet Form.

For two years DIR. Hartman and his az.
slstants have necessarily llhorcd TO create
pcruna in tablet form, and their strcn-
uous lahors have Just been crowned with
success. People who object To lqulC mcdi-
cines can now secure lcruna Tablets,
which represent the medicinal ingredients
Of peruu Each tablet ls equivalent TO
one average dose OF peuna.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1908-01-24
WORK wEAKENs THE KIDNEYS.

The Experience Of Mr.. Woods Is the
Experience of Thousands of Others.
Bernard p. Woods, OF Jackson
Street, Homecoming. Md, says: Hard
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1908-01-24

You meet him daily on the street,
A man of hoary pate,
Who minds a winter just like this
lNo,. ha,l- ,n fiS
The Washington herald., 1908-05-04
STOVALLBESI HITTER
Tops List of BattRrS in the
American League.
DELEHANTY RANKS FOURTH
second BnsemHn of the Nationals
Has Percentage of BIS for Twelve
Gnmes-StOne, LajOie, KeeIer. and
Clymsr Have Not Yet Hit Their
stride-FOurteen Men Batting 300.

The American League averages are be-
ginning to shape up into definite proper
tions. and the records become less freak
ish as the days go by.
Latest statistics show Stovau, OF Cleve-
land, leading the hitters. with much the
best work he has ever done. Mcconnell.
a young recruit. at Boston. stands second.
and Chase, who is apparently due for
a great season, is third. Jim Delehanty.
the Nationals second baseman, is fourth.
with a percentage OF .37S.
Fourteen men are batting over so
and number of the best hitters. such
as Stone, Laioie, Keller. and Clymer.
have not yet struck their proper gait.
When they get going at their usual pace.
they should swell the ranks Of good So
ciety 10 a notable extent Cleveland leads
in team batting, and New York in extra
bases.
Schreck. Criger. and Street are tied for
the lead among the catchers. Tom Jones
leads on first base, Williams at second.
and Collins at third Turner tops the
shOrtstOp, and eight outfelders still have
perfect records. The Athletics lead in
team fielding.
Records Of men who have played five
games or more: