davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
A Iesson In Grammar.

In a certain mountainous region the
teachers are appointed with little ques-
tion concerning their grammatical
orthodoxy. Occasionally, however, q
wave of school reform sweeps through
the valleys, and undesired examina-
tions are thrust upon embarrassed ped.
agogues.
1t was during one OF these periods OF
intellectual discomfort that the follow
ing sentence was given: THE bird
flew over the house." Accompanying
it was the query, "Is few a regular
or an irregular verb?"
One teacher after another shook bis
head hopelessly despite the slow,
thought inspiring fashion In which the
examiner repeated the perplexing fact
that "The - bird - few - over - the -
house."
Finally q man rose In the rear, and,
with the assurance Of one who puts
his trust in logic and a practical knowl'
edge OF natural history, he volunteered
q solution. Said he:
"If that bird which few over the
house was a wild goose, it went In a
straight, regular line, so the verb Is
regular. But If 1t was a lockwood
that few over the house, then 1t went
In a crooked, zigzag line. and so the
verb Is irregular"
All but the grammar bound exam
iner were satisfied with this sensible
and rational explanation. - Youths
Companion.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
Old Uee For Bread.

Perhaps the most novel use to which
bread is put may be seen in one of our
great watch factories. where more than
forty .oayej CT fresh bread are required
each day. An official Of the watch fac
tory Is quoted as saying
"There Is no secret regarding the use
Of bread in this factory. and | am will
ing TO tell all can concerning it. From
the earliest times in the history Of
matchmaking it has been the custom OF
watchmakers TO reduce fresh bread to
the form Of dough. This is done by
steamlng and kneadiEg They then use
this dough for rem0ving al and chips
that naturally adhere II course o.
manufacture to pieces as small as Il
part of q watch. Thern are many
parts of a watch by the way. that are
SO small as to be bareiy y.siU,e t. the
naked eye. The oil IS absorbed Ey this
dough and the chips stick to it. and
there is no other known substance
which can be used "a a wiper withcu.
leaving some Of It's particles attached
to the thing wiped This accounts for
the continued use of bread dough in
the matchmaking industry. American
Food Journal.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
Arfiatin Sins.

It Is a frequent matter Of lamenta-
ton on the part of artists that one OF
their number may spend genius and
time on a piece Of work, only to fall
conspicuously In small detail.
There Is a story that one Royal acade-
mician gave a hand five fingers and a
thumb and that another painted live
lobster bright red.
The clever Goodall had been engaged
in painting a number OF laborers drag
ging huge stone across the desert
when a man Of science entering the
studio said TO him: Il say, Goodall, II
you want those fellows to pull that
stone you must double their number
1t would require just twice as many
for the task"
But 1t is not modern painters alone
who slip up on points Of accuracy
Even Albrecht Durer in scene repre-
senting Peter denying Christ painted
one Of the Roman soldiers In the act OF
smoking Turner put a rainbow be-
side the sun, and In another picture he
got fearfully tangled In the ships rig
ging.-ChicagO Record-Herald.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
ur;n,sn.;onaI Sabbath sre king,


In the early days OF New England II
was the custom to keep the Saeo&tn
from sundown Saturday night unt'
the same honr on Sunday. That TINS
practice was attended by pitTaus Is
shown by an incident told In "rhe Ia
ner4 OF the Connecticut Valley Hlstor'
ics Society
There lived in Ryefeld a thrifty
dame. an enterprising. driving woman
md n notable housewife. The good wo-
mau was not willing TO lose SUNDAY
evenings out OF her catalogue OF mousse.
v,o~z but she was pious witaal ano
strictly kept the day to the sunse'
limit. As soon as the sun was fairiy
hollow the horizon she would begin her
washing and .;et her clothes ready foi
driving bright and early on MONDAY
morning.
One cloudy SUNDAY she. supposihs
the day was ended. changed her sun
day gown. rolled up her sleeves anC
went to work. AS she was scrucoant
evny In the kitchen. her face toN2r'
the west window. the clouds suddenly
broke. and the great round sun shoh'
In full on the poor sabbath breaker a
worf. She gave one cry OF ailiazenea
and ho-ror and fed the kitchen.
After that sinful day she never os
gan her work on Sunday evening.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
tinccln's Rules.

On one occasion President Lincolr
ou entering the telegraph office or TIT
war department. writes Mr.. Bates II
Lincoln In the Telegraph Office" was
heard to remark to Secretary Seward
"By jings. governor. we are here a
lastr Turning to him In Il reprovint
manner. Mr. Seward said. "Mr. Presl
dent. where did you learn that inele
CANT expression?" Without replying
to the secretary. Li'eoln addressed th'
telegraph operators, saying:
young gentlemen. excuse me 70
swearing before you. by jlngs' !!
swearing. for my good old mothe
taught me that anything that had
by before II was swearing"
One day Secretary Seward. who wa:
not renowned as joker. said he ha(
been told that q short time before OF
street crossing Lincoln had beer
seen to turn out In the mud TO give
colored woman chance 10 pass.
"Yes," said Lincoln. lit has been
rule of my life that If people woul(
not turn out for me would turn ou
for them. Then you avoid collisions"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
a.. Patrick and the Roosters.

st. Patrick's reputation rs a snake
charmer is known all the world over
but what he did to the roOsters is a bl'
OF history less disseminated. There Is
a small district In the heart Of County
Sligo, It seems, which strenuOusly re
sented the Intrusion OF the Scotchman
Succat (St. Patrick had become ex
ceedlngly domineering. and 1t was de
cided to put n damper on his progress
He said to his hostess, Wake m'
when the cock crows" When he hat
gone TO bed she whispered this com
mand to the nc.Shbors. and all tht
populace concealed their roOsters un
der small creels so they could not lif
their heads hig, enough to crow. II
consequence thereof the saint overslep
himself AMI was furious when he dis
covered the trick that had been PLAYED
on him He laid his everlasting curs'
on the rooS:crs OF that district. anC
they have never crowed since.-ES
change.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
What He Meant.

Park row at / a. III. and policeman
and a sailor In conversation.
"Keyside, keyside" said the sailor
SOW will hi reach the bloomin' key
sideT
"G'wan wild ye. Dye think I'm a
locksmith, that I know about yer old
key and Its sidel There's one key and
lock I'll be after givin' ye, and that's
to a cell. Move on now"
"Keyside! Hi said keyside as plain
as HI could, bllme!'
Just then a high brow who had been
to the postoffice buying stamps so that
his rejected contributions would comt
back to him stepped up.
"The man wants the keyside. what
ever that is, and dunno" said the po'
liceman. II believe he's iooney and
I'll run him In"
"He wants the Quayside-the docks,
said the high brow as he directed the
man to the water front, while the po
llccman said:
well, III be blowed"-New Yors
Press.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
The Doctor at Sea.

A veteran naval surgeon. speaking of
the odd things that crop out In the
service. said that one of the younger
medical cranks In thG navy discovered
much virtue In sea water. and no mat
ter what disease came on his first ac'
ton was TO throw down the patients
throat a large dose OF the nanSeatinf
LIQUID. The crew soon learned to bate
him thoroughly. In process OF time hs
fell overheard in q choppy sea. and
great hustle ensued. In the midst OF II
the captain came up and anxiously In
Uuircd the cause. "Oh. nothing. sir,
replied a tar. ".only the doctor has fel
into his medicine chest"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
Scinnca and Sound Eact.

The workings OF the human mind
wien asleep are full of wonder" re-
marked scientist who was paying Il
visit to an acquaintance. Have you
ever started up from sound dream
less sleep, with every sense on the
alert and with your whole being thrill
ed with Il vivid yet indefnable feeling
that something was wrong and instant
action required|
Often" replied his hostess, "and in
nearly every case | have found that
was awakened by the fumbling of my
husbands KEY at the front door!'
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
VALUABLE REAL ESTATE
For Sale.

We have just added TO our list the
following valuable Real Estate:
600 acres HIGH grade farm, with fine
Brick dwelling and 125 acres OF No.
timber.
135 acre farm excellent land and good
mproyements-the above too farms IN
Loudoun county, Va.
1877 acre farm of good land and I'm
provemnts, large dwelling &c.
50 acre farm of good new dwelling
and excellent land and all necessary out
buildings-(above two farms In Eau
quer county, Vs.)
65 acre farm, near Woodstock with
fairly good improvements and good
fruit.
A new z room dwelling and l acre lot
on Nam street, Woodstock, Va, well
located, with electric lights and pure
mountain water IN the house.
A good dwelling of rooms on large
corner lot in Edinburg, Va, veil locat'
ed: If purchaser should desire TO DaVee
80 acres of fine land on the suburbs OF
the town, can sell him this also. -,
All the above properties will be sold
on easy terms at reasonable prices.
Apply to
Real Estate Agts.s
Woodstock, Va.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
Garrick's Wit.

David Garrick on one occasion passed
ryl urn as a huge crowd was assem-
bling to witness the execution of a
criminal. "Who Is hep asked the
great actor of friend who accompa-
MED him.
"I believe his name Is Vowel" was
the reply.
"Ah." said Garrick. 81 wonder which
Of the vowels he is. for there are sew
eral. At all events 1t Is certain that II
Is neither u nor Iw-London Saturday
Review.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
a Sian at Mother.

Dinner was done. and the family wa
assembled in the sitting room. Mothe
had taken up the evening paper anC
was reading an account Of how a high
wayman had been operating In the sub
urbs. Father was down on his hands
and knees trying to act like a horst
while little Willie drove him arount
the floor.
Papa" finally remarked the goot
lady, glanclng toward her husband
here is a story about another maj
who was waylaid. Do these holdup'
always stop you with a pistol and thei
60 through your clothes?'
"Oh, no." grinfully replied father
arising from the floor Sometime
they wait until you hang your clothes
over the back of a chair and go t
sleep."-Pbiladelphia Bulletin.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
Nnt Disturbed.

Nassau William Senior. the Englisn
nol,t,ca, economist. was a frequent
guest Of Lord Lansdowne ST Lans'
downe House sod OH one occasion was
busily writing. quite abstracted as
usual. in a room full OF company wnen
Tom Moore was Staging. The scratch
of his pen was not an agreeable ac-
commitment, and at Last one OF the
company asked very pesitely. You are .
not fond OF music, Mr.. seniorT NO.
40 renlied. "but it does not disturb
ma In the least. Pray go on"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
Pn,uar nf DeceiNinn-

There is n Brooklyn woman who pos
sesses a servant who is model In all
respects save one-in that she Is none
too truthful.
Lately the mistress has been using
all her eloquence to make Nora see the
error of deceitfulncss. But at last she
had to own herself beaten when Nora,
with a beaming smile. turned and 10
a most cajOing tone said:
Sure, now, mum, an wot de ye sup
pose the power Of desavin' was given
ns ferT'
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
Nevertheless He Got Her.

"You say my daughter loves your
questioned the old man.
I'm sure OF it." replied the young
man.
"Wel. WELL" returned the old man
looking the young man over critically
"There's no accounting for tastes, !:
thereT
And somehow. although the young
man knew that he ght TO be happy
over the possession OF the girl. HI
couldn't help scowlinc and Specializing
on that remark Of the old mans.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
lrnncrtinent.

Speaking of Il man noted for his I'M
pertinence. an acquaintance said:
Blanks impudence was second only
to that OF waiter | heard about the
other day.
Look here, waiter said guest
this fish is not cooked properly.
81 know IL. sir said the waiter
but you told me 1t was for your wife.
"'Well, what of that? asked the sur
pfised guest.
"'Why,' said the waiter. 1 knew
that If the lady was your wife sh'
couldn't be very particular
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13

Two artists were boasting how they
could paint. DO you know said one
81 painted sixpence cl the ground
one day, and bcggar nearly broke his
fingers trying to pick 1t up" That's
nothing to what did" said the other
"I painted leg of mutton on a ston'
and II was so realistic that q deg at'
half the stone before be found out MS
mistaken
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
His Narrow Escape.

81 tell you, the closing Of the Steenth
National was a mighty close call fol-
me-"
"How was thatT
"Why. a friend had advised me to
put my money in Il and
"And you took his advice"
"No. but would If I'd had any mon
y."-Philadelphia Ledger.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
r.rafuI About Worry.

A physician was recently attending
r,,,ent whose husband came to see
him concerning her condition ana
greeted him with the words MI.
irving. DO you think there is any need
for any unnecessary anxiety about my
wife
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
The Nur.a.r Fourteen In France.

SO far IS France Is concerned. II |.
fhe number fourteen that has played q
conspicuous and generally portentols
pirt In her history. On May II. l5ji
th, Rue &c IL Ferronneric was enlarged
hr order OF Henri H.. and four times
.ourteen years later Henri ~. was as
sasslnatei there 10y Raya!llac-namely
on MAJ II. 1919 Henri hld lived foui
times fourteen years. fourteen weeks
and four times fourteen days.. G.. fir
ty-slx years All fye months. Then
Hcnri'S son Louis NIL. died May II
1913 Che same day and month rs bis
fathersl All 1913 aided together
equals fourteen. just as 1853 tthe yeai
of the Lirth of Ecnri w equals four
teen. LOai: XIV ascended the throne
1913, which added together equals
fourteen ana similarly the. year OF BIZ
death QTlJl equals.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
Not the Kind He Wanted .

Little Willie ran away to hunt red
skins"
"YesT
"But he didn't find any until his 10
ther Lad finished with him."-Harperf
| Weekly.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
EnnIinn tha Xnunnster,

mother" said Mr. Popley guarded
" to his wife, why not take Tbs
y-o-u-n-g Steer to the m-a-t-t-i-n-e-e %
morrow
"Pa," chimed in the youngster quiet
ly. "there's only one - In matinee. "
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
Quite Natural.

"Of course" said the tourist you
know all about the antidotes for snake
biteT
Certainly" replied the explorer.
"WeIl, when snake bites you
what's the thing you dor
"Yell."-PhIladelphia Press
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
A POSITIVE FACT.

IN. Davis &Co can supply you with
most anything you wan: TO buy In
Real Estate, II you will write TO them
statipg Just what you want. IL you
have any Real Estate you went 70 sell,
end a fuH description. and list with
shem. and they will find you quick
,,nrchaser, il the price Is reasonable.
M tt viii cost you q. thing unless they
IN. DAVIS & CO.,
R,sl Estate Agsnts,
Woodstock w.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
Marital Troubles.

Most OF the people who write about
troubles OF married life are single. IL
they were married they would be sc
busy with their troubles they would
not have time to write.-Moorhead In.
dependent
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
Undallant.

"My face is my fortune. sir" she
said.
"Well." he replied. poverty IS no dis
grace. but It's awfully inconvenicnt Mt
times"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
RAnoxated.

Pufrer-what's happened 10 my neer-
schaum pipe? Mrs. Puffer-Why, dear.
I noticed IL was getting awfully brown
and discolored. so put a coat Of thar
white enamel on IL
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
Terder Hearted.
NO II

Mrs. MugginS-My husband is toe
tender hearted 10 whip the children.
Mrs. Buggins-IIumph. My rsbahd
is so tender hearted that he CAN'T even
beat the carpet,
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13

visitor-Why do you make some OF
YOUR pies roEnd aud some OF them
souare7 Wife-Recause my husband
has been complaining OF sameness OF
lis diet lately
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
partly True.

Mr.. Nlx-I don't believe a word OF
your story! weary--Well. that part
about my bein' out OF work for nine
years is as true as goepel!-Philadsi-
phIa Inquirer.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
Guessed IL.

Guest tsuspdconsly eying the fat
tened pillows and the crimpled
sheets,-Look here. landlord, this bed
has been slept in! Landlord (trium-
phautly)-That's what It's meant for!
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13

The Employer (coldly)-Why are you
so late? The Suburbanite tguiitiiy)-
There were two wrecks on the track
This morning. and The Employer
ftestiIy,-Who was the other onef
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
The Wicked Husband.

"Why does man lie to his wife"
asks woman writer. Dear me, does
hef-Duluth Herald.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
He Wanted TO Know.

A moral. sensible we'll bred man vii
not insult ME. No other can.-Cowper
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
INDIGESTION AND DYSPEPSIA.
CAUSES AND CURE.

food property dgd Dyspepsia
dyspepsia
~ understood simply healthy stomach dis
ordered cannot Indigestion
results Every healthy sometimes order Not
the usual quantity OF ood or perhaps
quantity the appetite usually abnormal Inc
nature wise this assistance for y doing
attack avoided ana csn a.
needed to the work the stomach annc
tsken by healthy psop Whenever
the splendid edis Tor andrsa s
prevail patient VIII suffer frs, one or cs ne
heartburu the steuss Ioae q
ot Ike stomach sick head:chs nausea.
sIcepessness ETC. Rydaes Steece IeesU
will ts o.
pydaes stomach Tablets d r sold guarantee.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13

Where envying is, there e confusion
ard every evil work.-New Testament.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
Shenandeah Herald
Advertising Rates

Advertisements win DC insert
ed at one dollar per tquare OF
ten lines or less, for the first iD-
sertion, and 80 cents for each
subsequent insertion.
- Quarterly or yearly ad,er.
sisements By contract.
- Unless the number OF insef
iions is marked upon the mar d.
script, advertisements will be pub.
llshed until forbidden and charge d
accordingly
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1908-03-13
Farms For Sale.

An excellent Farm CT 135 acres OF
land. good buildings, well watered
and fenced, 3 miles from Rail ROAD
Price only $4,000.
An excellent small farm OF n acres
~ GOOD land we'll watered, good fruis
and good new dwelling with bay win
dog and all necessary out bulIdin9s'
3miles from Rail Road Price ", Ioo.
A good small home OF II acres OF
fine land, about 100 trees OF line fruit,
good dwelling in good neighoornooo,
4 miles from Rail Road. Price
S1050-all on easy payments. Apply
20 ]. N. DAMS Il co,
Real Estate Agents,
Woodstock, Va.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-04-12

covered shortly after the ship left TaI- erno and confined in the ships hospi- tai so that he could be returned im- rnediateiy upon his arrival in America. made c desperate effort the ether day. to become an American citizen by try- ing to crawl through one of the port holes. @
 The porthole was small. but the Ital- ian had managed to get his head through, and one shoulder; when he was discovered. But he was stuck fast. Men tried to pull him out by his head. and then others tried to pull him back into the ship. All efforts to move him failed, however, so that the captain ordered bucket of grease and covered the stowaway. Still he stuck fast. Then all of his clothing was torn of and he was greased again. Af- ter an hours work he was pulled out. badly cut and bruised.
 The captain could not understand why the Italian believed 50 loudly till he discovered that the sailors could not resist the opportunity of giving Capello a sound spanking while he was stuck in the porthole and it was not tempered by any cushion of cloth ing.
 A new and horrible punishment for bigamists has been devised by one of New York's judges. He Is going to make them support their wives. AL though the bigamist in this special case had failed to provide for either wife he declared he was capable of earning s25 a week and could con- tribute to their support, and the learned judge decided to give him chance to make good.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1908-04-12
the Brownsvilie affray is expected to

the Brownsvilie affray is expected to have it's result.
 Fear of Le.inx The Negro Vote. The same fear exists about the result In Indiana because of the number of negro voters in that State. The mum Der of negro voters in Indiana. accord ing to one computation. has increased from 1S44s in 1900 to, ''at least 25,- o00." If they should all be angry voters next fall they could easily give Indiana to the Democrats. The colored voters of Illinois have increased from a1.247. enumerated in the census Of 1900, to more than 5o,000." The of Illinois. Kansas, with 15,234 negro votes in 1900. has now ''at least 2o,- o00." and two years ago the Repubii- cans carried that State by the small plurality of 2.123. Assuming that West Virginia's 14,s41 negro votes eight years ago had swelled to 16.000 In 1904. and that hey had been transferred to the Democratic column. the Republi- cans would have lost West Virginia. The Republicans carried New Jersey last year by s,013. but the last official count of the colored voters in that State showed total of 22,s5s.
 Negroes representing various sections are reputed to have formed "vigi- lance committee to prevent the nomi- uAtfOn at CnlCaRO or Q man WHO snO1io be unsatisfactory to them If they are to be fully appeased. the Presi- dents reversal of his original policy with respect to the Brownsville sol diers must be followed by more party concessions.
 The Democrats. however. are not counting heavily upon the disaffection among the negro voters. They say that the colored vote will be for the Republican party as usual. Certainly it will not be cast for the Democratic ticket. The best the Democrats expect is that the negroes in many States will simply stay at home and refuse to vote.
 Of course. unqualified predictions of either Democratic or Republican sue cess at his early stage of the cam. paign, and before either of the con- ventions. would be wholly absurd. But the definite fact remains that on the eve of their nominating convention the Republicans are not as we'll organized as they usually are: that sharp diff ferences are entertained by leading men in the party: that the situation in Congress is unsatisfactory. and that all the probabilities indicate a bitter convention at Chicago marked by heartburnings and deep resentments The Democrats in Washington are more greatly heartened and hopeful than in many years.
 E. G. L.