Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1908-05-08
STORIES WORTH WHILE

An 1rishman travelling in the north
err part of Wisconsin fell off a train in
a small town, and addressed the VIII
layers in the following manner:
What town is this?'
10 which some one politely an.
swered.
The Irishman exclaimed, 81 can lick
anybody in the town."
10 which the amazed farmers said
nothing.
Then he demanded: "What comfy
is this?'
To this query he also received an
immediate answer, and burted out: IT
can lick anybody in the county,"
Still no one took him up.
Then again he thundereu: ..wha+
state is thiso"
he said: Il can lick anybody in the
state."
AT that a man who had been taking
1t all in stepped out and gave the Irish
man blow that made him see the
whole solar system. Then he kicked
him until he was sure he had Taught
the lrishnan Il lesson When he had
finished, the freshman got up rubbcd
>AAN'
Begcrra. l took in too much terri
tory that last time."-Judges Library
Had Two Offers.
The president of one OF the minor
colleges was sauntering down I; shady
lane one Clay in early summer when he
met a tall, handsome Youth
This youth had just been graduated
He was very moor and VOW. i,,toIl;r,,+
In all his courses he had taken honors,
and in athletics also great hcnors had
been his.
We'll. Alien" said the president,
Though at last. eh?"
Yes, sir" said the young man, s,niI-
ing and bushng.
And row what are you going to
Coz"
II hardly know yet, sir. hav. had
two Offers"
1.-Two? Wonderful"
Yes, sir. One is from, a scientific
society offering me secretaryship at
s. q week and the other Is from a base
ball masnate Offering five years con-
tract to pitch at $1,000 a season."
Judge Had Vision.
The routin= of the criminal court
proceedings had been marked by ONLY
one unusual incident, and that was the
alacTity with which a certain harl
character was sentenced for sixty DAYS
to the workhouse.
Judge" observed the district attor-
ney at the close of the dreary session,
you seemed to relish the privilege CT
sending that man to the workhousc.
Did his case impress you:"
Now, look here" whispered the judge.
as he beckoned the attorney aside that
man is a worthless fellow. Always
drunk and never contributes a cent to
the support of his wife,. who is most
deserving woman. I feel sorry for her,
and whenever he is in prison she comes
to our home and assists my wife in
the kitchen.
And" chuckled the Judge, as he
tapped the attorneys shoulder cheer
fully, "she does know how to bake au-
pie pie"
Financial Suicide.
DR.. Austin Flint, the alienist, said at
the Century club in New York apropos
of will contest that had been tried
last year:
"The plaintiff lost, and no wonder.
His case was as difficult a one as that
of the young man who appeared I'M
duly depressed after the death of his
rich aunt.
"Why are you so sad?' an acquafnt-
ance said to the young man. You
never appeared to care much for your
aunt
"I didn't said the youth, dolefulIy,
but I was the means of keeping her
in an insane asylum the last five years
of her life, and now that she has left
me all her money I've got to go to
court and prove that she was Of sound
mind "-Washington Star.
Destructive Music.
A member of the board of directors
of the Metropolitan opera house tells
a story that he had from one of the
musicians attached to the orchestra
there.
1t appears that the wife of the must
clan had, during call on the latter,
inquired as to. her husbands taste in
musica! matters. Among other things
she '.:anted to know what operas the
j. .'ician liked best to play.
Il don't know much about dot" said
the better half, who was at the time
Duslly engaged IN darnlng an old shirt,
but I dc know something's. Voteffer he
likes 1 like not dos Wagner operas.
Dey sounds veil enough, but dose
clothes-ach! He neffer yet comes
home dot Wagner opera dot he hat not
torn a place in his poor old shirts. I
brefer the italian operas"
Adams Punishment. :.
visitor fn Sunday SohoO1 oclai
some question to test the children's
knowledge of the Bible. One class of
girls looked particularly bright, and he
&c of fbopo.