davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-09-12

for a gas bill without the attached COM
mutation for good behavor.-and all like
that.
This one. of course, has got to have that
last day of grace for the gas bill settle
ment down pat, but getting things pat is
one of the cutest stunts he does, and the
stall gains him hull lot for that one day
in the month.
Taking it year in and year out. the UNI
brelia hurry TOUGHER makes a pretty nifty
thing of it. When it's raining Or rain
threatens, he's as busy as bird dog. He
walks alongside of you for a couple of
squares and then he pulls it.
Just my DANCED luck he says 'tove
Numbered downtown without a parachute.
Say, DO. die ever see that cachuca of a
thirty-dollar siverhandled umbrella my
wife gave me for my birthday last year?
Handsomest umbrella in town, but blam-
ed if I've ever had it with me yet when
it was raining. Spose I'll have to go
blow a two-spot now for one of those
dadbinged cottony umbrellas to go home
UNDER
Hereupon he digs into his pockets one
after another and then hands you the
blank, woebegone expression.
We'll. of all the absent-minded beg
gars that ever trudged around this town."
he blurts out, I'm in a class by myself
Left my hull roll home. Just dime in
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-09-12
MG]W([[----.-

dressing room she took a general look
around like women will when they enter
room, and then. from the quick way she
halted and the little gasp she gave, l
knew she'd caught sight of the sleeves OF
my coat sticking out at the side of the
clothes press Well. there was only one
thing for me to do then, and l did it.
stepped out from the shelter of the clothes
press holding my hand up SOS to tip the
girl off to keep her head closed. She was
standing with her hands on her hips, pref
ty chalky around the mouth. but her eyes
were steady enough and she looked right
at me. She hadn't lost her voice. either.
oh says she. quiet like, L thought
there was somebody there
'Yes'm. said L. 1 just dropped in a
while back. I'll be on my way now. Bet
ter not make any bother over it. You're
here and it's all off-the jobs Cancelled.
l didn't calculate you'd be back so soon,
that's all. You can just stand where you
jiffy.'
II started to pass around her. when 1
stopped. a whole lot surprised. The girl
she was locker too. | told you-had
thrown her head back and was laughing
like she was enjoying herself a-plenty.
II can't help it she gurgled when I
stopped open-mouthed to look at her.
You look SO down I'm the mouth-its
funny and she laughed some more-fell
back into IA chair by the window laugh
ing, in fact.
I stood leaning against the footpiece of
the brass bed, looking at the girl. whose
GOODNESS kind o. hit me as being some on
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-09-12

considerably larger piece of change, and
if you topple for that touch you're going
to do lot of Whistling before you gouge
it back from him, If you ever do.
Then there's the touchiSt who touches
note, containing a ballad-and-waltZ about
the predicament he's in and his terrific
and instant need of twenty metai-c men.
This one considers the percentage about
right when he puts about one out of four
over.
The bug who shows you a letter from a
creditor, the letter stating that if that
account of $3.50 isn't settled within
eight hours the debtor will be COM
planned of to his superiors ard sued and
things, does pretty well at the game,
too. He'll be disgraced, and he may lose
his job. he glooms at you; his family's
increasing, or going to, and he doesn't
know what the devil he's goin t do.
honest he don't pal; he wishes he was
all through with the hull game. DANCED
if he doesn't; he's making the best fight
he can, but the battles gon' against
him, and so on-that'S the stall. He's
the whimpering touchiSt. But he gets
by with it quite often all the same.
Summer time is the open season, of
course, for the toIcher who has to send
coin to his wife and family. who are
away, Immediately. He reads extracts
from a letter written by his wife, who
has the children in the country or down
a the beach. in which she says that all
of the young 'uns are sick, and that
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-09-12

the fine order considerin' the way the
thing was rugged. She stopped laughing
presently and looked up at me out of her
pair of big gray lamps.
You came after the madame'S jewel
ry, of course she said.
Well / told her, L didn't come here
for the view out of the windows or to fix
the telephone might as well be on the
level about that end of it..
well, the madame has some beautiful
jeWelry,' the girl said, cool as you please
Il don't blame you for wanting ii. I've
often felt like running off with it myself
only | was afraid of being caught. Wait
I'll show you some of it,, and she dug
into the chain bag hanging to her belt
and brought out a bunch of small keys.
Well, / figured that the girl might be
bit ION the hhg side from hysteria or
something over finding me in the place,
and / had no idea that she had anything
in mind. So | just stood there and watch
ed her. She got up and went to the
dresser stuck one of the little keys into
the top side drawer. reached in and picked
something out and turned around to me
with smile on her face-and | found
myself under the gun. She had the gun
in her right mitt, leveled at my chest. and
her hand wasn't shaking a bit. at that.
Now said that swell-nerved girl.
you're going to stay here till l call a bell
boy and have him get policeman. II
you move III shoot you where you stand
The smile evaporated from her chart
as she handed ME that little talk, and
there was kind of a> CLINT in her gray
lamps that looked a lot more like bust
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-09-12

picking the bargains over. Her mistress
came down a few minutes later, also done
up for the street. and when L saw her prl-
vate brougham pull up at the carriage en-
trance, while she was eating lunch, the
weather began to look pretty good for me.
Went up and didn't have any trouble
at all keying into the entrance to the
suite with skeleton. The entrance door
let into the sitting room of the suite, and
when | got in | locked it again. The
mistress room was right next to the sit
ting room. with Jap reed pOrtieres be-
tween EN- instead of a door, and when L
stepped in there and got a peek at the big
mahogany dresser, with the fine gold
backed toilet articles scattered all over
the top of it. 7 felt pretty sure that the
stuff was in one of those bureau drawers.
felt all the surer of this when | went
all through the suite and felt behind the
picture frames. lot of travelling women.
who don't deposit their junk in the hotel
safe, stick it behind a picture frame in a
bag when they go out-and that's the first
place a hotel worker looks for the stuff
before he begins work with his jimmy on
the dresser and trunks.
We'll. / got my Jimmy out and
just about TO pry open the top Of one
of the big dressers side drawers when [
heard couple of wOmen'S voices outside
in the hall. Then I heard a key being
pOked into the suites entrance door in
the next room. The key turned in the
lock while the two women kept a-talking.
One of the women said to the other:
- Thanks for letting me in. | thought
the madame would be back when l re-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-09-12

how that stuff is-felow likes to be indie
pendent of kinsfolks,'' and the rest Of
that reel. This spiel gathers about three
times out of five. too, which isn't any
such a bad percentage when you take a
pad and pencil and figure it out.
The hurry TOUGHER, less power to him.
usually has an open. frank countenance,
a truthful eye. persuasive voice and
completely plausible manner. He never
makes good by the remotest chance. He
either lodges you on the street after he
meets you thencefOrward on the most
good-natured. storytelling terms: but he
never reverts by word sign deed to the
make-good end of his little transaction
with you. When, after two or three such
meetings. you mention that little deal to
him he gives his thigh the big young slap
and eXclaimS: BY blaZes, / must be get
ting paresis for "a sure thing! l done COM
pleteiy forgot about that ten-spot. Say,
old man. do me the particular favor to
remind me of that ten next Thursday.
won't you?" And then he sees to it that
you don't see him for many a long Thurs
day thereafter. When you do eventually
hit his trail again he pulls you the long
map and beats you to 1t by tossing out
something right away about the awful
size of the doctors bills he's paying, and
tells you all the details of the sickness
in his family, and of course you're not
going to chop in after all that with re-
quest for the return of the ten. Thus
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-09-12

they're being charged orful rates. for
board. and that she hasn't a cent left.
and that she must brI the children
home at once. Then he hands you the
big young sigh. and maybe you come
across. and then, again. maybe you do
not. Dalrymple.
The jolly, happy-go-lucky touchist
pulls off some good things.
"S'pose it's all off up at my dump" he
says, cheerfully. Found my grocery
man sitting on my steps when / went
home Yesterday afternoon. and L had to
put up a scrap to get by him. S'pose
he's seized one of the kids to hold for
ransom by this time
We'll, why in blazes don't you pay
your grocery bill, them" you ask the
jovial mutt.
Dang the luck, I don't know why 1
don't" he rebates back, laughing all
over. Got mixed up in a poker game
last pay day, and. say. pal. what dye
s'pose happened? / got four jacks in the
consolation pot. and | ask you, man to
man. if that didn't look pooty near all
right? But blamed if one Of the other
bugs didn't nail four kinks. if he didn't
l hope l may choke and so on. If you
haven't got the sense that you came
into the world with you'll dig up to help
this cheerful glus along.
Yep, and there are about 1856 other
brands Of touchistS But what's the use
of classifying and compiling all of EN-
when you know, to your grief and pow
erty, so blamed many Cf them already.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-09-12

ness than | liked.
"'Well. sis. says L. its your edge all
right. but what good is it going to do
you to have me put away? / haven't
touched anything, and I'll hike all right.
But you're thief. said she. in that
dead way of hers. and L wouldn't he
doing right if l let you go. You'd only
be getting into somebody else's rooms,
and then you'd steal
"Just then there was soft kind of
of the clothes press. and both the girl
the soft thud. 4 mouse that wasn't much
bigger than your thumb had jumped out
from the partly opened doors of the
clothes press on to the carpet. and as
we looked at it the mouse scampered past
the girl for the shelter of the dresser. The
girl gave "A sort of chOked little Squawk
the gun fell from her hand to the carpet.
she grabbed at her skirt with both hands
and then she sort of gradually settled
down on the carpet in a dead faint. her
face white as milk. I could have got
the stuff even then. but it looked too
ornery. and SO | just stepped over the
girl and walked out of the door, pulling
it to after me- | went to my room-I was
sta wing at the hotcl-stuffed my clothes
into bag. and was out of the hotel in
less than five minutes
"And that's the woman for YOU all
over. They re swell goers. some of EN-.
but never for the fun distance. And it's
always some fool little thing that stops
'em before they get within hollerinS dis
lance of the wire.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-09-12

eyes: and generally speaking if this
wasn't the contemporaries little proceed
ing to happen in the chief city of North
America in the twentieth century the
subscriber hereof isn't demanding one
SUMMARIZE from any body.
THEY RE putting up long. loud howl
about Harry Thaw's thirteen rooms
in the Jail where he's confined and his
trolley and automobile rides, and his ia
bes covered with cut flowers, and his
meals and wines from the restaraw
across the street. and his receiving his
pals in his jail quarters, and all similar.
But. all the same, there are plenty Of
excellent lawyers over here who. while
they haven't the slightest use in the
world for II. Thaw or any of his doings,
are soundly of the opinion that Thaw
has no right To be locked up at all. Thaw.
they say. had a legal right TO be turned
loose at the time of his acquittal. The
jury declared him not guilty because OF
insanity, the implication being that he
was insane at the time he killed Stan
ford White and not necessarily that he
was insane at the time of his trial. Be
cause the jury did the acquitting on the
ground of insanity Judge Downing put
him away in the Matteawan institution
for insane criminals; and the best law
yers in New York maintain that he had
no right earth to do this. They say
thatThaw should have been passed upon
By a lunacy commission before being sent
to that BOBBY hatch for the criminally In
sane and that, in the absence of a lunacy
commission, he was clearly entitled TO his
freedom when he was acquitted by the
jury Nobody in these parts is bursting
with any profound sympathy for IL.
Thaw. but the declaration is openly made
that things are getting to queer pass over
here when a man-any man, no matter
what is thought of him by the public
can be put away by judges edict after
he has been acquitted by jury.
CLARENCE L. CULLEN.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-09-12


Then the door was closed. BY this
time | had made two soft steps of it to
get to the half shelter of a big Old-fash-
toned clothes press. that stood crosswise
in "A corner of the room. | couldn't quite
get out of sight there, but / figured that
maybe I'd be out of sight enough. Y see,
was wise to what had come off the min
ute | heard the key turn i'm the entrance
door. The maid hadn't had much shop
ping to do, and she'd returned lot
sooner than l expected her. And. finding
her MISTRESS who had the key still out,
she'd got the chambermaid of the floor to
let her in with the pass key.
Il didn't have much room in that little
angle space on the far side of the old
fashioned clothes press. but / calculated
that maybe the maid ud pass right
through her mistress dressing room to
her own room at the end of the suite
without seeing me, and that then I'd do
the quick stink to the sitting room and
then out of the. entrance door without
being nailed.
THE maid moved around in the sitting
room humming soft-like for what seemed
a right long time to me. and then she
crossed over to one of the windows and
looked down into the courtyard for quite
a bit could see her plain when / poked
my head from behind my shelter in the
next room to pipe what she was doing.
Then she gave Il yawn like as If she was
sleepy and came into the dressing room.
She was bound straight for her own room
/ felt, from the steady. quick way she
was walking, but in going through the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-09-12

here now he suttenly would arrive at the
conclusion that, compared with some of
the doings hereabouts in these days, the
attempts of the antique Romans to be
bold. bad divvles were both piffiing and
puerle; that Vespasian and Vitellius
were yasabonds in the art of attaining
to real sure-enough righteousness and sy-
barticalness. and that even Commodus
and Caligula were shines and pkers in
the matter of framing up spectacles.
I'm adverting now to that Salome party
up Westchester way the other night. Hear
about il? Uh-huh. the present-writinS
Washingtonian was there, in the interest
OF contemporary history and for the
preservation of the records and all like
that The present writer didn't happen
to be among those present at the little
garden fetes given by Tiberius on Capri.
a little matter of eighteen hundred and
odd years ago, but if Tiberius had much
in the way of novelty in the garden fete
business on that affair up yonder IN
Westchester, then he sure was some de-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-09-12

the little bunch that he has dug out of
you passes into gradual outlawry.
Oh, yes, and there are plenty of touch
ers that don't belong to the hurry type.
For example. there's the glug who
works in the same room with you, and
makes just about the same money that
you do who watches you furtively out
of the'tail of his eye till you go out for
drink of water or something. and then
he's after you like a man with sum-
mons. This chap is a LIN with down.
cast expression and a shifty eye. and he
spins his little yarn for four bits where
with to purchase some dyspepsia tablets,
or for two bones. with which to fix his
insurance policy, which. he tells you, will
expire this afternoon unless the two is
paid. He's never at a loss for some lit
tie gnome narrative that seems to indi-
cate his absolute and imper ative need.
Immediately. for the little Shutdown he
touches you for, and he's SO abject and
all that. that he's rarely turned down.
You say to yourself that a fellow who'll
make himself so cheap and small for that
little bit of coin sure must need 1t. You
may observe that when this one returns
to his desk his breath is uspiciously
spiced, but that's no concern of yours.
When pay day comes around the furtive
TOUGHER usually forgets all about that
little matter. If he does remember 1t the
first time and comes and plunks the
amount of the touch down on your blot
ting pad. you usually find that he tries
to sink the spear into you later on for a
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-09-12

pattern.
He gave me another cordial grip of
the hand when he had finished reading
the letter. l told him that L had to hustle
back to catch the steamer. He begged
me to remain over until the next steamer
said that he and his wife would be de-
lighted to entertain me.
But 1 couldn't do that l reflected that,
as | was away ahead of the poker game
on the steamer, the returning CORE
spondents would have a hard opinion of
me if l dropped off the steamer, and
proba bly, feel that l got cold feet pur-
posely SOS to hang on to my winnings.
So l told the fine young missionary that
it couldn't be done.
'Er-hum-a bit chilly this morning.
isn't it? he observed then, cycling me
shrewdly. and perhaps noticing that my
hand was trembling a bit with the exer
ton and hurry of making his residence.
'Um-and travellers are entitled to the
benefit of dispensations. Come this way,
old man. and he led me to his handsome
dining room.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-09-12

ough-as thorough. in his way. as
head-on collision the bubonic plague.
and all the young men who were hired
at umpteen dollars a ,yeek to learn the
newspaper business were placed under
him for training purposes. And he
trained them When he got through with
them they worShiped facts as a miser
worships gold, and they could write less
entertainingIy on all known subjects,
from murder up, than Supreme Court
justice handing down stove infringe
ment decision.
Occasionally, however. one of these
young men. after he had worshiped' for
a year or two at the Golden Shrine of
Sacred Fact. would pick up newspaper.
and reading story in which the one
fact. If present at all. was so heavily
embroidered with the colored silk of lam
guase as to be practically unrecognizable.
would wonder why he wasn't permitted
to write or to try to write. that way.
One of these youngsters blew up to me
one day and Confded his aspirations
along this line.
Il believe said he, with all the wis
dom of eighteen plus year or so of ex
perience in the newspaper game. that
all stuff should be made interesting. I
believe in bright introductions They
don't interfere with facts. Next time I
get story to write I'm going to fix it
up my way and see If the office doesn't
like it,
And. as luck would have it, happened
10 NC oi tHe ucSh where ulc cOpS VI INC
reporters was edited when this young
man. who had been trained in facts-but
who had aspirations toward something
else-turned in that story. AS nearly as
1 can recollect with shift of names, etc,
his first sentence read like this:
With a wild shrek of fear, Edward
Smith, colored thirty-eight years old, of
24S71a Umpteenth street southwest. a Ia
borer, who has been in the employ of
the local health department since noon
on August IA. 1899, and who yesterday
car 467 of the 3Sth street line, in charge of
Motorman John Hughes of 3l4 A street
southeast and Conductor Thomas Brown
of sol 18th street northwest-both careful
men who have been in the employ of the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-09-12

was kaZizz and kaZu2Z, and all like that
and asking that turrible serious question.
Dye wonder at the increase in crime?'
and taking it all to heart something dread
full. just as if-just as if
Well, anyhow Mr.. Gibbon shuffled off
too soon. If he'd dreamed that there was
going to be so much doing around here
at this epoch maybe he'd have taken up
Metchnikoff's buttermilk diet. which'll en-
able you to live forever fsays Metchnikoff),
and stuck around for the big show.
X x
WHICH reminds me that the authori-
" ties over here have at length got
after the Salome business. Oerisive yelps
from the Echo Cave: "YE-ES, THEY
HAVE!")
Very interesting. too. the way the police
of New York got after the Salome dam
GERS. Reminded me of something that
Gilbert, the comic opera man. did in one
of his pieces, but l can't just remember
the Gilbertian thing.
You see, hearties, there are quite heap
of folks over here whO've been scandal
lied over this Salome dance ever since 1t
was pulled. and when a Salome began to
pop in every block in which there is
theater or dime museum or moving pic
ture snare why they just writ letters to
the police people. SO they did, and de-
manded that the ladies clad in little bits
of seed pearls and dolly trunks should
be removed, yessir, removed just like
that.
Now, the police have got to listen to
the protests of the nice people. you know.
even if the nice people do pay most of
the taxes and go to church a-Sundays
and raise their families all proper and
behave with circumspection quite good
deal OF the time. The nice people must
be listened to occasionally in spite of
these things
So the police. bucked up by the nice
ones about this Salome scandal. proceeded
to get ever so busy, Bertram, just as busy
as they could bird-doggy be.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-09-12

signer of outdoor festivities and it served
him right.
The thing was pulled off in the magnif-
cent Roman garden of very wealthy
and what-dO-I-care citizen of Westches-
ter county and the master of the revels
had the horn sounded for the beginning
of proceedings on the velvety lawn, illu-
minated by thousands of twinkling baby
electric lights, along toward midnight.
They put it at that hour in order to give
Gertrude Hoffman, the Salome. and her
train of Salomeing squads time to get
up to the Westchester place from The
theater In New York. where Gertie is do
ing that Salome thing every night In the
presence of hordes of -mouthed and
blushing buyers from elsewhere.
All of the guests at the Salome party
were in the prettiest Roman togas and
Roman robes you ever saw in all Of your
Dawn days; oh. just the classicalest
clothes ever, honest and truly; and it
must be recorded that they did look fine
and not ridiculous in the least seeing that
they'd all had their clothes cut and made
to order by a tOp-notch costumer for the
party The male guests were pOOty me
In imperial purple flowing things and gid
ed sandals and centurion bands around
their hair and all similar, and perhaps the
woman guests didn't look Massalina like
and handsome In their perfectly ripping
clothes-some of them sheathed to show
the cross-ribbed gold sandals of the pc
Rod when the Colosseum and the Circus
Maximus were in full blossom, so to
speak, and the sands. thereof were run
ming r-r-red with the blurd OF martyrs
as we used to declaim in the little r-r-red
schoolhouse.
The host was liked out as Herod and
there was wonderful throne at one side
of the garden for him to occupy while the
Saome danced before him. Before the
Salome party proper began, the guests