davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1908-11-19
ENGLISH AS SHE is UTTERED
Patrons Little Joke on the Autocrat
Of the Hotel.

What is the cabbage?" inquired the
departing patron. who wished to go to
the railway station from the hotel
What's the what" exclaimed the
clerk, losing his clutch on the perfect
English he usually handed over the
counter
What's the cabbage?" ! said
q know you did, but I do not quite
get your meaning"
"Oh. you don't? You know what cab
bage u.s. don't you?"
Il guess I've seen enough OF Il to
know used TO live in the suburbs
Of Chicago
Well. what is 1t from here to the
depot?"
II suppose it is just what It is
everywhere else; that is, vegetable
which"
The departing patron interrupted
with violence.
Jaw, say he protested, you ought
to be plowed under. or fortified, or
something. Cabbage is cab fare, amt
it2'-Lippincotts
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1908-11-19

When the opportunity occurs for
kind speeches make them.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1908-11-19

One Of our aNet industrial captains
Is always growing the cud as they
say In ordinary slang yet so far as
he Is concerned. iu reality Lots "
financie,s chew gum bu this one In
particular who reycr tasted ch.cle or
rubberelasiic as the boys call Co.
chews a bin ~ butong Billions" IS
a hunk Of South American bullbeei
Cthe ruupl dried IN the sun It is
as tough as rawh'de. and will make a
man VIII can DIGEST r. AS strong rs
a bull kubu Om industrial captain
always carries a smnu shaving IN his
vest pocket and when getting into
a hard deal he takes a bite 1t is Just
about as good as q piece OF wa'rus
hide. O. the sole of an Old shoe but
1T makes spit" and saliva Is the soul
OF good dissection
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1908-11-19

Beware when the great God let's
loose a thinker ON this planet Then
an things are at risk Il Is as whom
n connugrauon has broken out 10 a
great city. and no man knows what
Is safe or whore q will end There is
not piece OF science but its flank
may be turned tomorrow; there Is not
any literary reputation. not the so
called eternal names OF fame, that may
not be revised and condemned. The
very hopes Of man. the thoughts Of his
heart. the religion OF nations. the man
ners and morals OF mankind, are all at
the mercy Of a new generalization.
Generalization Ia always a new Influx
Of the divinity into the mind. Hence
the thrill that attends it-RRlph Waldo
Emerson.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1908-11-19
PERU

NJ j Hapgood spent last week in
Montpelier, in order to appear at the
public hearing before the committee
upon taation, and put in a plea for
abolishing all Offsets and tang only
tangible property. He found the leg
islature very much confused upon the
subject. and not much likelihood ap-
pearing of any decided action this
session AS a member of the Sons Of
the Revolution and Of the State Histor
ical society. he was appointed chair
man OF a committee TO devise and ar
range for a suitable memorial for War
ner and Baker two of the leading her
oes of the Green Mountain Boys and
would be- pleased 10 receive any sug-
gestions from any persons Interested.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1908-11-19

A sleeping car is like love- to
make you enjoy life after you get
out of It.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1908-11-19

A Washington woman recently hired
a negress. Going to the kitchen one
day she was amazed to find the
negress sitting on the floor with her
hair standing out from her head like
a black nimbus The girl was pulling
one curly lock and then another in
such way as 10 suggest that she had
suddenly lost her reason.
What on earth are you doing,
Nary" gasped the lady Of the house
"Nawthin', ma'am. only has got
sore throat an was jest tryin' 10 find
de lock dat would pull nah palate up
an relieve de tickle
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1908-11-19
The Meanest Ad.

A'clork IN the advertising depart
ment Of a newspaper called reporter
TO him.
Here is the meanest ad," he said,
I'm my long experience 1t was hand
ed in by very pretty young girl.
When | read It | could hardly keep
from saying to her: Aren't you
ashamed"
If the gentleman who lent a brown
raincoat TO a young lady in the park
on Sunday afternoon during the storm
will apply to the butler at 2ll7 Peanut
street he can have the coat back upon
payment OF the cost Of this advertise
ment. Enquirer
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1908-11-19
Despair at Seventeen.

Oh. when ] think we have only a
single life to live, and that every mo-
ment that passes brings us nearer
death, am ready TO go distracted
I do not fear death. but life is so
short that to waste it is infamous
try to tranqulize my mind by the
thought that ] shall certainly be.
gin work in earnest this winter But
the thought Of my II years makes
me blush to the roots OF my hair.
Almost Il. and what have ] accom-.
plished? Nothing. This thought
brushes me-Fcom the Diary Of Marie
Bashkertsed.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1908-11-19
NEGOTIATIONS OF A sPlNsTER.

A sleeping car is like love-nice to
make you enjoy life after you get
out of it,
It's fairly safe to be nice to a mar
ried man-as long as there are plenty
Of people around
II married woman came home late
at night the worse for liquor. won.
der II husbands would see anything
funny in It?
One great relief just now in the
heated season is the way you have no
duty to 90 to church because the min
lister is away on his vacation
kissing in the dark Is more enjoy
able to a girl, because then she does
not have to pump up some sort Of A
blush and an awfully embarrassed
look
More than one man believes that his
argument is unanswerabe-whe all
tho time It Is the same sort OF thing
you hear when a poor brass band com.
mences to perform
Many a girl repInes because she
has to earn her own living. and so
gets married. and after that she earns
It under the hardest possible circum-
stances and for no cash payment
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1908-11-19
FOR A HAPPY HOME.

Learn TO govern yourself
Beware OF the FIRST disagreement.
Also Of meddlers aud tale-bearers.
Avoid moods and pets and cts Of
sickness
DO not expect angelic qualities In
your helpmate.
Never conceive a bad motive II
good one be possible
Do not neglec, duties which affect
the comfort OF others
Speech is excellent. but silence Is
sometimes more valuable
When the opportunity occurs for
kind speeches make them.
Never retort In anger. Il Is the an.
swer which usually begins the guar
rel.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1908-11-19
unsdvsr,lssd.

80 that young man is an author"
Il believe 30. answered Miss Cay.
enne. But he Is not an author OF any
especial consequence Nobody has &C.
cused him Of nature taking
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1908-11-19

It's fairly safe to be nice to a mar
ried man-as long as there are plenty
OF people around
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1908-11-19

what straits are the most danger
ous?' asked the teacher OF the iuve.
nile class In geography Whisky
straiehts," promptly answered tho boy
az the foot
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1908-11-19

Manufacturing. see YOU took
two pieces Of cake instead OF one. as
told YOU. Why did You do that?"
Tommy mamma. was playing
that another little boy was visiting
me. aud knew you wouldn't mind me
giving him a piece"
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1908-11-19
OUT OF THE MOUTHS oF BABES

.Teacher-"Johnny. can you tell me
where the north pole is?" Small John.
ny-"Yes, ma'am It's at the top OF
the map"
The Lancaster news. [volume] (Lancaster, S.C.) 1905-current, 1908-07-18

lot nice Black Leather Hand Bags
former price LOO and 1.25 now
soc
The Lancaster news. [volume] (Lancaster, S.C.) 1905-current, 1908-07-18
Stingy Some.

Gallatln, says an exchangey
claims to have the stingiest man
In Tennessee, if not in the world
and a premium is offered for his
superior in close fistedness. He
got married to home girl to save
expenses. They walked around
the square for a bridal tour. He
bought her a nickel's worth of
stick candy for wedding pres
ent and then suggested that they
save the candy for the children.
The Lancaster news. [volume] (Lancaster, S.C.) 1905-current, 1908-07-18
How They Pass the Plate
in Atlanta,

Atlanta Journal: T. H. Ell.
lott, of Richmond, Va, spoke
to the joint meeting Of Baptist
deacons and ministers held Mon
day morning at the First Baptist
church. He said:
81 don't believe in dedicating
a church until it is paid for. I'm
Episcopaliau to that extent. I
don't believe you can give the
Lord what isn't yours, what's
still some other mans"
He spoke of Atlanta's deacons.
"You have the best looking set
here | ever saw" he said. "And
they know so we'll how to pass
the plate. There are some dea-
cons that hurry around and jab
the plate under peoples noses,
and then there. are others that
will stop and change a quarter.
But your collection here hits a
happy medium, and holds it Just
right and just long enough to
get all mans got."
The Lancaster news. [volume] (Lancaster, S.C.) 1905-current, 1908-07-18
War Against Consumption

All nations are endeavoring to check
the rayages of consumption. the white
plague" that claims so many victims each
year Foleys Honey and Tar cures coughs
and colds perfectly and you are in no
danger Of consumption Do not risk your
health by taking some unknown prepara-
tion when Foleys Honey and Tar is safe
and certain in results Funderburk Phar-
macy. W Hammond, Heath Springs, s
G q
The Lancaster news. [volume] (Lancaster, S.C.) 1905-current, 1908-07-18

Ihere is one preparation known today that
Kodol. Kodol digests all classes of food
and it does it thoroughly. 80 that the use
OF kodol for time will without doubt
help anyone who has stomach disorders or
stomach trouble. Take Kodol TODAY and
continue 1t for the short time that is neoes.
sary to gIve you complete relief. Kodol is
sold by all druggists. VS.
The Lancaster news. [volume] (Lancaster, S.C.) 1905-current, 1908-07-18
hite Lawn Suits
and w aists

Carried over from last season to 90 at
the following prices
Sl.5O Suits reduced to. ..... .98 cents
225 Suits reduced to- las
1.5O Waists reduced to. -. .98 cents
LOO Waists reduced to. go. rs cents
so Waists reduced to. 49,. 80 cents
Black Lawn Waists at
..............6 .69c, 99c and Ito.
Silk Waists, regular price $50 to 500,
all to go at reduction.
Ladies' white Wash Skirts, 200 quality,
1e1uceu oo 10 -; .......... 1.39.
LOO quality, reduced to. 70 cents.
Fancy Parasols, ranging in price from
LOO to 3.5O-your choice of the lot
at cost. These are rare values and
you should see them.
To close out 500 Pairs good 25c. Hand
Towels at only. ........ .18c pair
Blue and Brown Panama Skirts, regu-
lar price 800, reduced to only ..4.98
The Lancaster news. [volume] (Lancaster, S.C.) 1905-current, 1908-07-18

A job lot Ladies Belts, 20 and 25 cents
KIND, Tor. ................1 10 cents.
2 dozen Ladies so cents Belts, to go
each at 25 cents.
Ladies White Handkerchiefs, per
dozen ............... .25 cents.
Our entire line of Sofa Pillars at actual
cost. Also Linen Drawn Work,
Lunch Cloth, Scarfs, ,Centerpieces, etc.
Ladies' 25 cents Hand Bags in brown
and black, reduced to 10 cents.
The Lancaster news. [volume] (Lancaster, S.C.) 1905-current, 1908-07-18
New Trial for Gus Lee.

Chester special in Sundays
State: In the court of general
sessions today Judge Gage grant
ed a motion for new trial in the
case OF Gus Lee, reprieved until
next Friday, and fixed the 3rd
OF September as the date of a
special term of court for the
trial.
The Lancaster news. [volume] (Lancaster, S.C.) 1905-current, 1908-07-18
Pleaded Guilty of Selling
Liquor, but Wouldn't
Promise to Quit

Spartanbnrg special in the
Charlotte Observer: D. Parker
an aged white man and Confed-
crate veteran, pleaded guilty in
the Court of General Sessions to.
day to the charge of selling whis.
key. Judge Hydrick tried to get
the defendant to promise not to
sell any more whiskey but he re-.
fused to promise and was sentenc
ed to serve three months or nav
a fine of 500.
The Lancaster news. [volume] (Lancaster, S.C.) 1905-current, 1908-07-18
REV. I. w. WILLIAMS TESTIFIEs

Rev w Williams. Huntington, w Va,
testities as follows: This is to certify
that used Foley's Kidney Remedy for
nervous exhaustion and kidney trouble
and am free to say that Foley's Kidney
Remedy will do all that you claim for it;'
The Lancaster news. [volume] (Lancaster, S.C.) 1905-current, 1908-07-18
Ready-Made Sheets 72x9O, Each 48 Cts.

l Lot Mems Straw Hats (soiled) 25 and
SOC. quality, to go at .15c.
l Dozen Panama Hats, newest and
best shapes, to go at cost.
l Job Lot Mems Wool Hats, to go at
.............. .35c each
Boys Knee Pants, at
.25c SOC 90c and LOO.
Boys Knickerbocker Pants, all sizes
and pretty pattenrns, LOO and 1.25
500 pairs Women's Homemade shoes.
good value at 1.50. Reduced
price LOO
Just received Big new line stylish
neck ties .25 and SOC.
The Lancaster news. [volume] (Lancaster, S.C.) 1905-current, 1908-07-18

Bert Barber. of Elton, Wis. saws. "I bavo
only taken four doses of your kidney and
Bladder Pills and they have done for me
more than any other medicine has ever
done. L am still taking the pills as I
want perfect cure" Mr.. Barber refers
70 DeWitt's Kidney and Bladder Pills.
Sold by all druggists. VS.
The Lancaster news. [volume] (Lancaster, S.C.) 1905-current, 1908-07-18
Cotton Goods

Big lot pretty Colored Lawns, in neat
patterns, to go at. a 3-4 cents yard
Cotton Wolfe, in light blue and brown.
reduced to ....... 20 cents yard.
B pieces pretty Tissue Goods, in grey,
pink, blue and green, to 60 at the
yard. .25 cents.
One lot zoe Galatea, in short lengths,
to go at only. .. IL 1-2 cents ward.
The Lancaster news. [volume] (Lancaster, S.C.) 1905-current, 1908-07-18


exceedingly good
anu IN oroer to do this offering
~ ~ e 10 go at actual cost greatly reduced
The Lancaster news. [volume] (Lancaster, S.C.) 1905-current, 1908-07-18
Bleach.

We still have few bolts of that
fine bleach we've been selling at
IL c. yard. Come quick or phone
for this.
One lot 40 inch White Lawn, in short
lengths, II 1-2 and 15c quality redu-
ced to. lOc vd.
3 pieces Mercerized Tissue Goods in
all the leading shades, regular SOC
quality to go at only. ...... 39c yd
The Lancaster news. [volume] (Lancaster, S.C.) 1905-current, 1908-07-18

Misses black and white Lisle ribbed
Hose, Is and 25c kind, now :. .10c.
Nice Folding Fans. g for 5 cents.
A big job lot of 25 and 35 cents Rib
bons going at....... Is cents yard.
Eight Cakes Fine Toilet Soap for. 25c.
100 Ladies' Belts in black and brown,
TO go at only. .8 cents each.
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1908-12-25
sux,No THEM A LITTLE DRINK.
City oMisisl hadn't Consulted the
Taatas Of His Clerks.

Some time ago. E. W. Bemis, super
'tendent Of the city water works. asked
two clerks In another city department
TO make some computations for him.
They worked late and finished the fig
nres to Mr.. Bemis' entire satisfaction.
That's very kind of you. 5oys." he
told them. Il guess I will have to
buy you a little drink"
They didn't mind So the three
saffied forth from the city hall Mr..
Bemis led the way down Superior
avenue. When he passed some of the
drink dispensaries without casting as
much As q glance In their direction
the two clerks began to wonder.
He must be going to take us to the
club. whispered one to the other
At last they entered bedizened
spot At q street intersection. Walk
ing sp to the rail. Mr. Bemis spoke
TO the whiteAproned attendant
Make ms three nice sodas." he
said. What flavor will you have,
boys He turned to hear their an
ever. He got none. They were not
there.
Well. what do you know about
that" said the other to one a few
minutes later when the barkeep was
drawing two" One didn't know
Cleveland Leader
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1908-12-25
AVERAGE Yield Of Barley.

According to the United States De-
partment of Agriculture. the average
yield Of barley per acre ir Colorado
for the past five years has been the
highest Of all the states east of the
Rocky Mountains. Yields reported for
1907 are: Colorado. 400 bushels; Cal
;fornia, cS.e bushels: Wisconsin. ESQ
bushels: Minnesota. ee.5 bushels:
North Dakota. lS.S bushels: United
Kingdom. s43 bushels: Germany, SS.5
bushels: France 224 bushels.
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1908-12-25

frtgate shot ahead and presently clap
ping on more canvas bore swiftly
down he river.
Carrinst0n stared long and desper-
ately hack toward the shores, fast
for. for no man questioned the hon
esty. sincerity on kindltnees OF George
the Third. 1t would be three years
before he would zee her again. The
thea9ht was maAdening to him. He
did not even know where to write to
her. He was not 1t all sure that the
king woufd cause his letter to be de-
livered to her. He came to q desper.
ate resolution. He would write her
another letter and send it from wey.
mouth by special messenger to the
king and seG him TO see that It was
delivered.
II was not until hate n the after,
noon. when the Bellona was fairly In
the channel beating down toward her
destination. that Csrrington west be.
low. Az there vas no captain yet oa
the ship the quarters Of that fmctSea-
ary by right belonged to hin. He
entered them without ceremony. The
cabin on the new ship looked Srisht
and CHEEKY. Its equipmeats were rude.
II course. as were those of all ships
In those days. but they were better
than those in ordinary vessels, the
Benona being the newest and most ad-
vanced product Of theshipyards.
To q sailor of that day it was both .
spacious and delightful sea home. To
Darlington 1t was only q prison. He
did not attempt to enter the state.
rooms ca either side. but sat down at
the table. buried his face In his hands
and groaned aloud. 1t was the first
moment OF privacy that he had en-.
joyed II was the first opportunity af.
forded him to give way to his feel.
ings, and he isdulged himself at will.
Separated from his wife. and through
his own folly. The future that had
opened so fairly before him utterly
wrecked. Three long weary years a,
the least. and possibly four. to inter
vene before he could see her again
He almost envied Strathgate-fightin
desperately for life at Blythedale Hall
aud likely to be an invalid for the res,
OF his days-because he would be in
England while CarrirEton was far
away,
He had gone through SO much. He
had drunk so deeply the bitter cup OF
repentance that he gave way com.
pletely TO his emotions His hOdy
shook and trembled in his reckless
abandon TO his feelings.
This will never do" he said at last.
My punishment, seems greater than I
can bear. and Yet | must bear it; ]
must show myself q man for her."
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1908-12-25
Caves Of a cannibaI Race.

Strange evidences of cannibalism
have been brought to light with tho
recent opening up of caves at One
Tree Hill. Maungakiekie. New South
Wales. and another link has been
added to the chain of interest en-.
circling this celebrated spot.
In one cave great piles Of human
bones have been discovered, mlxei 20
indiscriminately and thrown down IN
one huge conical heap. These bones
belonged to victims taken by the
Maoris in battle and slaughtered for
culinary purposes. Then they were
dropped down the funnel-shaped
mouth Of the cave into darkness and
oblivion.
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1908-12-25

scaA oaly knsss!" ssid oArriagtoa
desperately. AN ! k.ov = that ~
is well anA u6der the kings especial
protection We ere bounl for the East
Indies for three years. Three years
away from her! God. what food I've
beea. 6trathgafe vss riEht!" Car
riaEtoa turned awsy. putting stroaa
constraint upon himself IN order to
compose his features. Well" he sail
At last, fare yos an ready. N
Ready 10 trip" returned Pasknaa.
Call all hands I'll read them ny
orders aad thea we'll get up sscAor."
In q moment IL shill Sipiag Of tAS
boatswain and his mates along the
deck vas followed by the trampling Of
many feet. The crew. q splendid Get
Of fellows. assembled In the gaagways.
Carrington read his orders to them.
directed the commanding Ofhcer's pen
uant to b hoisted and bade Parkman.
who for the preseet acted ss Ansf lisS-
tenant. to get uader way.
There were many expert seamen
among the crew and the meaneuver
was Handsomely performed. The an.
chor was hove short. the tOpsails were
l0osed aad sheetsd home. the anchor
was tripped. the ships head vas cast
to starboard. the sails filled. the wind
Was fair. and she glided gracefully
from the anchorage abaft the Britain
nia and swept toward the great liner.
whose tall sides lowered above her
like . castle wall.
A the Bellona drew abreast the
liner burly Agure suddenly appeared
ON the edge Of the high poop Of the
Recognizing the admiral.
who had stood aft on the
Of hts frigate. barred hi.
head and saluted.. The admiral re-
turned the compliment with his own
then he turned and waved It
forward. Instantly the rails Of the
swarmed with men. and
from their throats At another signal
from the admiral came such . burst of
cheering ~ warmed the very cookies
Of the melancholy Carrington's heart
dropping behind him. on which some.
where his wife's foot rested. What
Was she doing? Where was she liv-
ing? What was she thinking of him.
He knew nothing save that in some
she was under the especial
protection of the king; that was assur-
Rnce enough that she was well cared
And with this cheerful sea compliment
and these words of good will the
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1908-12-25
eOs1Sssosa - = =. c cAAsoaA-S
ILLUSTRATIONS ~
RAY WALTERS

TAs Escas.4s opens. not In the re-
nance preceding the marriage q Ellen
Ciocum. . Puritan miss, and Lord Car
ssSn Gr n eSs W.. in their fs .rssr
just following the revolution, in Caring
ton castle In England. The Carrinstons.
after . house party. engaged In family
OF Lord Darlington b Lady Cecily and
Lord strathxate to Lady Darlington com.
Darlington and her chun Deborah. an
American girl. met Lord strathgate at
two =. m: he sEreeirS to see. see them safely ely
castle. but she ieft him stunned In the
road when the carriage met with an ac-
cident. She and Debbie then struck out
sail for America, Hearing news Of
Eilen's flight. Lords Darlington and Seton
set out IN pursuit. Seton rented a fast
bleeding from fall. dashed on to Ports
mouth. for which Darlington. Ellen ana
Seton were also headed by different
In advance Of the others. nnding that
Eiicn's ship had sailed before her.
6trnthgate and Carrington each hired a
upon which each supposed Ellen had
eailed. Seton overlook the fugitives near
Portsmouth. but his craft ran aground
Just as capture was imminent. Ellen won
the chase by boarding American vessel
and foilinR her pursuers. Carrington and
8trAthEate, thrown together by formers
wreckinR of latter's vessel. engaged in an
lmpromptu duel, neither being hurt. A
war vessel commanded by an admiral
friend Of Seton, then started out in pur-
SUIT Of the women fugitives. Seton com
Teasing love for DebbIe. Flagship Brttan-
mia overlook the fugitives during the
night. The two women escaped by again
taking TO the sea In small boat. Lord
Darlington IL ordered to sea with his ship
but refuses to go until after meeting
6trathgate in q duel. They night in the
grounds of Lord Blythedale's castle.
Encounter In watched by Ellen and Deb
bic. who have reached land and are In
hiding. CHrrington won bloody con-
test nj swords from strathgate. Debbie
and Ellen looking on and praying for the
latter's husband. Darlington, immedi-
ately following the duel. was placed un-
der arrest for refusing to obey hts ad-
mirnrs orders and Ellen. who had
Awooned during the duel. awoke to md
him gone. Sir Charles Seton found the
fugttives. proposed to Debbie and was
accepted. Debbie. Ellen and Sir Charles
made plea to the king 10 spare Car
rinKtOn. The king decides to grant par
that he would !riEhten the lord. King
George. with Admiral Kephard. arrange
q surprise for Carington. Lord CARING
ton was pardoned by King George and
ordered on a three-year cruise. being
denied the privilege OF seeing his wife
until the end of that period.