The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1908-09-03


i hardg tnau. a. shea DC wAlks -
an wadsa iato The cogtoa uzifl trtssi
an she Wall Street speenl&toFa. ~
makes the custon sy. tanw lisv
'Cosaon~ Moore aa' ,swt The osh~s
farmers who know sow an SO e.,
round an sho~ - the naAiasprinE o.
the ~hole business.
CiTcases air useful Ter other TEA
sona- They smua~ awi classes os
children from the sEe ov slx ap trs
! ios. IL ~ax a millionaire an has
! er lot ov children. I'd buy = etrcas
an hes hit run six dASs la The w~el
iist ter amuse nay children. EVwrs
eHenIn' after the days business aus
over an I'd had my supper. I'd ~
cut ter ther tent. take the childrru
an the old lady an the nAboTH an
stay 'till bedtime. an then I'd gu
home an hey' them ter bring ons
ov the lions an the s3saa psanneT
ter my house an then while they d
play the steam pianner ar make the
lion roar. Id so ter sleep yam dream
mustck. in the iungles ov India or
Africa. an that the lion wux erbout
ter catch an eat awl oy ther rabbits
before ! could get ter shoot them an
that | had shot an killed the lion too
dead ter skin. II | wuz a millionaire
I'd sev a picknIck three hundred days
in every year. I'd awlso see ter hi,
that every poor family In the land
would hev turkey fer dinner every
Thanksgivin' day each year. Awl
who think that I'd make "A first-cIass
millionaire ar requested ter vote fer
me at the next regular electshun.
which will be held in November ov
this year. Don't fergit ter register.
In recent letter made the asser-
ton that the more onery young
man liz the more popular he liz with
the younger portion ov the female
sex, an ! repeated the old sayin'
that woman's love liz like the morn.
in dew-az apt ter fall on COM
post heap az upon a rose. Ov course
they wuZ nothin' new In that. But
az the wimmin' had bin readin' the
bargain advertisements In the news
papers an the account ov the Thaw
trial. most ov them had overlooked
the quotation in days gone by. l
certainly struck hit rich when !
stirred the matter up. I hev bin git
tin letters frum every direckshun.
Some oy them say hit liz only too
true, but intimate that hit liz the
truth that hurts. Others air highly
indignant an give me ter understand
that If ever run fer any offs they'll
make hit hot fer me. Some ov them
air members ov the w. e. T. L., an
some ov them air members ov the
Young Ladies Sewing Society.
Others air members ov the Gum
Chewer's Union, an they threaten
ter boycott me. Some ov the letters
air from the Amalgamated Cooks
Union an they say that they air
goin' ter roast me ter finish at the
September meetin'.
l am standin' pat. The distin-
guished writer who writ the words
that | quoted wuz a direct descend
ant ov Solomon an he knowed ex-
ackly what he wuz doin'. / fegit hiz
name, but he hez plenty ov friends,
even If he hez bin in hiz grave, more
than a hundred years. II kin find
out awl erbout him | may try ter
start>a fund ter build a monument ter
hiZ memory.
Yes. that sayin' liz az true az
preachin'. "A woman's love IL like
the mornin' dew-az apt ter fall on
a compost pile az upon a rose" Why.
the very first woman that wuz ever
created, Mrs. Eve, proved that Adam
her husband, wuz a nice man, an
he wuz guide lookin' an a guide
peyider. He didn't stay out late
at night an they wuz no bad COM
pany fer him ter git into. II any
woman ever wuz happy hit ought ter
hev bin Mrs. Eve. She wuz queen ov
the world. Az they wuz no lung
troubles or other sich infirmities,
Adam didn't snore in his sleep. But
Mrs. Eve wuZ not entirely happy
She wanted ter make Adam jealous
an stir up trouble. Az they wuz nc
other men in the wurld Mrs. Eve had
ter git up a Irritation with the Old
Boy hisself. The Old Boy had a
slick tongue an he soon persuaded
Mrs. Eve ter pull an apple of a tree
whar they he'd bin forbidden ter eat
from an she ate the apple an ther
| the fuss started. Mrs. Eve had er
nice man fer a companion, fer mar.
riage wuZ unknown then. an she
ought to have put in awl her time
with him. He wuz ther only man In
the wurld. IL they had bin any sorr,
| low down, scamps erround | guess
she would hev fiirted with them. Al
hit wuZ she had ter fiirt with the
devil hisself an trouble started ii
| the world an hit heZ bin goin' OF
ever since. But say, IL you know Z
real nice lookin' girl anywhar, re
member that her love is like tn.
mornin' dew-az apt ter fall upon ;
compost heap az upon er roZe.
| AZ ever, ZEKE BILKINS.
| General Coxey Will Support Tom
Watson for President