Weekly Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1908-1909, 1908-10-02

No matter how much a woman loves
her husband, she would not be happy
If she thought he was having anything
but miserable time while she is
away on vacation.
II you see tired looking man COM
ing from the train Juggling a suit case
YOU can put it down that ne has been
"resting" at one of the popular sum-
mer resorts.
A gentleman riding with an Irish
man came within sight of an old gal
lows, and to display his wit said,
"Pat, do you see that?'' "To oe
sure Oi dv,'' replied Pat. "And
where would you be to-day if the gal
lows had its own?' LORD be riding
Alone" replied Pat.
The editor of country paper re
ceived the following query: "(sn you
tell me what the weather will BIZ next
month"; In reply he wrote, cit il
my belief that the weather next m, nth
will be very much like your subscrlp-
tion. " The inquirer wondered for an
hour what the editor was driving at,
when he happened to think of the
word, unsettled. He went in the
mex. day and squared the account.
Many of the Children are SO crammed
with everything that they really know
nothing.
In proof of this, read these veritable
specimens of definitions, written by
public school children:
Instability is taking care Of a
stable.''
GA mosquito is the child of black
and white parents"
Monastery is the place for mon
sters.''
"Tocsin is something to do with
getting drunk.
Representation is to have the
small pox.'
''Cannibal is two brothers who
killed each other in the Bible.''
J ANATOMY is the human body,
which consists of three parts, the
head, the chist, and the stummick
The head contains the eyes and brains.
if any. The chist contains the lungs
and piece of the liver. The STUN
mick Is devoted to- the bowels. of
which there are five, a, e, i, o, u,
and sometimes and ~
The colonel of volunteer regiment
camping in Virginia came across a
private on the outskirts of the camp,
painfully munching on something. HIS
face was wry and his lips seemed to
move only with the greatest effort.
"What are you eating?" demanded
the colonel. RI
''PersimmOns, sir.
"Good heavens! Haven't you got
any more sense than to eat persim-
mons at this time of the year? They'll
pucker the very stomach out of you -
81 know. sir. That's why I'm
eatn' 'em. I'm tryin' to shrink me
stomach t. fit me ratiuns -
story growing out of the recent fight
In his state for the gubernatorial
nomination. 1t is fine illustration.
Mr.. Williams thinks, of quick repartee
and native wit.
One of the candidates for the NOM
nation FOR governor. was Jeff Truly
The campaign was at it's height, and
while the question of Prohibition was
not directly an issue, it was question
that would not down, and the people
were attempting to line up the can
didates for all offices on one side or
the other.
Mr.. Williams happened to be OIL
the train one day wher Jeff Truly was
passenger. He was perusing paper
when a well known Methodist minister
approached and said to Mr.. Truly with
characteristic clerical bIuntness:
Is-- AIuiS. w yoo olihh Wits
key?"
The candidate looked doubtful for
second, then Arising to his feet, re-
piled With great solemnity:
"Mr. Blank, I decline to answer
that question, until know whether it
is an inquiry or an invitation.
Aunt Mandy is an old colUred wo-
man who for years has done washing
for several East Orange families.
She has had several matrimonial ex.
periences, and when her last husband
died one uf her customers attempted
to condole with her
Il was very sorry to hear of your
husbands death, Aunt Mandy" she
said.
Y"s'as, maa' n,' said Aunt Man
dy. He was a pow full good man.
"What did he die off,
"Ah really don't know, ma am"
"You don't know Gracious
Couldn't the doctor tell your
"Ah didn't have no doctah,
ma am" asid Aunt Mandy. "He jes
done died a natcheral DEATH"
1t wasn't long, however. before
Aunt Mandy had another husband.
GET boar Y,oarrio6