The Prescott daily news., 1908-10-06
JOHN TWEEZER'S FALL
In an Effort to Reduce His Weight Suf-
 fers a Painful Accident.

John what kind of a haruess is that you have rigged up on the back gallery" asked Mrs. Tweezer, as John came whist ling into her room, hopping his face with his shirt-sleeve, and fumbling at his shirt collar
 '1 suppose you might call it harness. Mrs. Tweezer, as 1 ex- pect to use it to work off some of this fat of mine Some idiots take antifat but prefer eXer- else as that is the only remedy for obesity. l am tired of being recognized as legitimate prey for jokes, and condolence, even the man so thin that he does not know whether it is his stomach or his back that hurts. him, takes it for granted that he is the fat mans ideal. and insists op giving him advice on how to reduce"
 'i don't think you should worry about being a little stout, John little fat is only natural at your age"
 'l never worried about it, Airs. Tweezer, until 1 got so fiat that l could not get a necktie long enough to go around my neck, or could not stoop to lace my shoes in the morning. Now when you meet a bow-legged man on the street, Mrs. Tweezer, do you ask him how it feels to walk that way? Or when You meet face SD ugly that it pains the owner tO carry it, do you condole with him on it being so hoemly? Of course you don't, But is it dif- farent with fat man, 'he is re- parded as legitimate prey, and everybody takes. pop at him. That is the reason 1 am going to reduce my acreage"
 Tt is the fat folks that get al! the good things in life, John," said Mrs Tweezer, as she ad- iusted the electric fan so the breeze would stir the sea ttering fringe of hair that skirted the base of T'weezerS head. You never heard of a fat man getting tuberculosis, or going crazy, and l they generally manage to get enough Of the worlds circulat- ing coinage so they can live comfortably. And 1 notice also that people always tell them their best jokes just to hear them laugh. Now without you are trying to get thin enough to get a circus job, 1 would ad- wise you to let your fat alone"
 "Corpuiency may be dest abtn to some of you skeletons, Mrs. Tweezer. but l am tired of be- | ing burdened with it and am go- ing to unload. That apparatus you saw on the back gallery, Mrs. Tweezer, is not a set iOf harness, as you thought It's scientific machine, which is guaranteed to reduce corpulent person ten pounds a day. if directions are 1 followed"
 What are the directions.' ask i ed Mrs TWeeZer as she saw John 1 fumbing in his pockets presum- ably for his code of instructions.
 Here IS the book. Mrs. TWee- ger, but. IhaNe not the time to read it to you. It says in part that | must exercise two hours a day on the trapeze before meals and to cut the meals down to bread and water"
 "How long do you expect to keep that exercise up, JOhn,' ask ed Mrs. TWeeZer, as John handed her the book to look over.
 "Oh | guess about a month"; said Tweezer as he took his wilted collar from his neck and placed it on the dresser.
 Then according to your book of instruction, John that would reduce you about three hundred pounds wouldn't itT'
 'That's about the size of it Mrs. Tweezer."
 "Now how in the world, John, are you going to reduce your self three hundred pOIndS, when you only weight one hundred and sixty-eight pounds?"
 "Womanl now dare you qucs- ton my weight?'
 There is no question, about It John. saw your weight record ed in your life policy, last week"
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