davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21
lord Kitchner'. Sarcasm.
rom the Philadelphia Prc:


England's great military chieftain.
Lord Kitchener. has a pitiless con-
tempt for anything which savors OF
effeminacy in a man. This Is illustrated
by AN incident which occurred soon
after his return to England. from his
Egyptian exploits. He was accosted
by a young lord who had an annoying
zeal for collecting the autographs OF
distinguished persons. Meeting Kitch-
ener he gushed:
do me the honor to pencil your
name on this, Lord Kitchener (produc-
ing lace handkerchief) and I'll have
the autograph worked in silk and keep
1t forever in memory OF the hero Of
khartoun."
Your sisters presume" said
Kitchener, shifting at the scented
handkerchief.
mo. it's my own; very pretty
pattern isn't II?
Very" said kitchener. in dry way,
passing the handkerchief back un-
signed. What is your taste in hair
pins by the way?"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21
USING ma MANURE.

1t has been absolutely proven that a
ton of manure Is worth at least $3. 1t
has also been conclusively proven that
more than one-half of this value may
be lost If the manure is left out in
the barnyard four to six months.
Therefore, every load of manure that is
left in the barnyard four to six months
is dead loss of S1.50. There was a
time when the farmer thought it was
necessary to have the manure rotted
before hauling it. This is the greatest
mistake that the farmer ever made.
Manure should be hauled out as fast
as it is made, or at least once a week.
Top dressing is coming into use very
rapidly. 1t has always been thought
that it was we'll to top dress meadows.
and this has been done for years with
good results. There has always been
more or less of a question as to the
advisability of top dressing corn. There
has been theory that If the corn was
top dressed the corn roots would come
to the surface to feed on this manure,
and from a theoretical standpoint 1t
looks as If this were true. but in actual
experience 1T does not work out in this
way. A series of tests have been made
by hundreds of farmers in Iowa, Min
nesota. the Dakotas. Kansas and Ne
braska which show that greater yield
of from ten to fifteen bushels per acre
are gained by top dressing. Therefore
theory must give way to actual expert
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21
FoR The HOG RAISER.

Lousy hogs and thrifty hogs are strang-
crs
Damp. dirty bedding and healthy pigs
will not be found In the same house.
for success.
A weak solution of some common coal
tar dip sprnkled about the hog house will
prevent foul oIors and help to preserve
the general health of the herd.
III the small pigs become scabby about
I the mouth or near the root of the tail.
the application of lard or vaselne will
usually prevent further trouble.
See to it that the small pigs are com
PEELED to take exercise on these cold, wet
days. If the SOW is heavy mixer and
the pigs stick too closely to the nest. you
will have u well developed case of thumps
on your hands almost before you know
IL and then 1T is too late for remedies
Mddlings oats barley and field peas are
excellent sources of material for balance
Ing ration of protein, for growing pigs.
"A burnt child breads the fire. The farm
err who has been scourscd by hog cholera
knows that prevention beats cure.
We'll begun is half done" applies to
raising pigs. Start right 10y saving them
| from exposure at narrowing time.
The carly pigs. If not allowed to become
! siunted, can be cashed next fall as 2oo-
| pound potliers at top market prices
| You can't start the young pigs right by
feeding the SOW entirely corn and
4 water Swap some of the corn for bran,
shorts and oats. vary the diet and lubi-
cate II with milk
The successful swine raiser is sufficient
| " in love with his work to take lively
interest in the comfort and health of his
hogs. being prompted thereto by self
| interest as we'll as from humanitarian mo-
I tiNrs
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21
a Lazy Painter.
Francisco Call

ffDn the san FRANCISCO Gail.
Before Haig Patigian achieved q
measure of success as sculptor he was
in turn II sign painter, newspaper artist
and creator of water-coor effects.
There were times when the young ar
tst was compelled to turn his hand to
anything to keep the Wolf from the
door. During one of these periods of
adversely II friend procured for him IL
position as illustrator of advertise
ments with a largo business house in
this city. Visiting member of the
firm a few days later the friends asked
il Patigan's work were proving salts
factory.
No. we have decided to release
him. said the business man. He's
soldering. on us"
You surprise me" sald the young
artists patron In what way is he re-
miss"
Here. I'll show you" replied the bus
ness man. and he produced Il number
of drawing in the Stanlaws style You
see, he never finishes any of his pie
tlir@s draws the main outlines and
leayes the details tn the imagination.
Why. even WHEN he's drawing "a house
he's too iiiZv To use IA footrae,"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21
LIVE STOCK VALUES.

Chicago Live Stock World. The gem
rral prosperity in the West is due In
great measure to the raising of live
stock, Stockmen We're hit pretty hard
late in 1907. and the gamblers of Wall
street have been blamed for the slump.
II seems difficult To account for the
drop in prices in amy other way, be-
cause the demand for food products
was at the time. and has been since.
greater than ever before in the history
OF the country Am article in the Sat
urday Evening Post has the following:
Those self-styled 'centers of the
grain trade, the pits. may fuss and
fume and fernent. but the prairies are
raising real grain. and selling it for real
money. at prices fixed. not by the spec
ulative furore of a feverish hour. but
by world conditions. Crop yields, of
course, vary from season to season, and
prices rise and fall; but did you ever
hear OF II farming community shutting
down or running on half time. or suffer-
ing from panicky failure of conf
dence. just because a state or nation
happened to swap ends on 81 question
of political eNpediency. or such like?
You never did. You never Will. Once
IA farming district is brought to the
point of profitable production, it goes
on producing. full time and capacity
and selling what it produces. Nor does
one hear 1T said OF this, as oil some other
Industries. that 1t contrives to juggle
its markets by selling its wheat or corn
abroad at lower prices than those rul-
ing at home. on the plea that it must
get rid of II menacing surplus. Maybe
that practice is good business; but I'll
leave it TO the crowd to say whether
tlv countrys foreign grain trade isn't
in healthier state than its trade in
steel or agricultural implements And
a ct>'t sy,rn ri 1y 4
healthy, normal trade conditions, rather
than in the morbid. over-stimulateG
conditions OF manipulated markets
The West thinks So"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21
Home Made Cement.
From suburban Life.

TTUTl ouDuTUHN I4llH.
Something which the suburbante fire.
quently needs in small quantities, but
which he rarely has on hand. is good,
quick setting cement for uniting small
fragments of iron, setting wooden ham
dies into tools and a hundred and one
other small jobs. A very good cement
which will answer almost any require
ment may be made by dissolving COM
mon orange shellac in enough alcohol
to form paste. This may be kept on
hand In tightly corked bottle with a
wide mouth-tightly corked. or the al
cohol will evaporate. When it is de-
sired to use the cement, place as much
as it is desired to use in any small tin
vessel and set the paste on fire The
alcohol will soon burn out. and the
cement should then be quickly used,
before 1t has time to cool. This cement
is very strong and is waterproof
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21
Not the Same Man.

From the Augusta Chronicle.
Illicit distilling is not so prevalent in
Judge Speer's district in southern
Georgia as 1t formerly was. but it is
not infrequent the case that distiller
of mountain dew" appears before him
TO have sentence passed. One such Of
fender recently was Joshua King, an
old negro. Joshua had been caught In
the act by the revenue officers. and
there was nothing for him to do save
plead guilty.
Shambl!ng before the bar of justice,
the old negro awaited the judgment of
the court. His honor regarded the old
darby for moment, as though deliber-
atiag what punishment should be
melted out to him. Then, as though
his memory had finally solved point
upon which it had been at fault. the
judge said:
Joshua Joshua, why, Joshua. you
are the man who made the sun stand
still, aren't you?'
Joshuas Biblical education. unlike
that of most darkies of his class had
been neglected.
No, sir, judge, please. yo' honor
he said. Use de man what made the
mOonshine"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21
ITCHING RASH IS YEARS.
Girl. Rash Spread and Grew wor.
undee xneciaHst,. G..-ua.e>.

Girls Rash Spread and Grew worse
Under specialtst's Care-Perfecs
Cure by Cuticura Remedies.
when my daughter was baby she
had breaking out behind the ears.
The doctor said that she would out
grow 1t, and it did get somewhat bet
ter until she was about fifteen years
old, and after that she could get moth
ing that would drive 1t away. She was
always applying something in the way
OF salves. 1t troubled her behind the
knees, opposite the elbows. back Of the
neck and ears. under the chin, and
then 1t got on the face. That was
about three years ago. She took trent
ment with a specialist and seemed to
get worse all the time. We were then
advised to try the Cutlcura Remedies,
and now don't see any breaking out.
NJ. Curley, 11-19 Sixteenth ST., Bay
City, Mich. May 90. 1906"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21
ROUGH FEED FoR STOCK.


Forest Henry in Northwestern Agricul-
turSt.
How many farmers have had this
winter all the rough feed their stock
could eat? This has been year Of high
prices for grain. Few farmers have
had enough to feed. to say nothing of
grain to sell Where one has all the
good hay and corn fodder that stock
will eat they will get along very we'll
on limited ration of grain. Glover
hay and corn fodder are two of the
very cheapest feeds that can be pro-
duced on the farm. You cannot SOW
clover this spring and expect to get a
hay crop the coming season. but you
can SOW, and harvest the year follow
ing. The corn fodder you can grow in
abundance the coming summer. Don't
fail to do this.
l have found 1T good plan not to
get in too big a hurry in planting this
crop; but to walt until the main crop
that is calculated for husking is plant
ed and then cover a good generous
piece of land with the barnyard ma
nure that can be gathered about the
barnyard that would otherwise go to
waste besides being a nuisance In the
yard. If the ground is already plowed,
harrow it over a couple of times, so the
spreader or wagon loaded with manure
will run more easily, and then either
replow it after covering or thoroughly
disc it in. 1t may take you 10 days to
do this, but the fodder corn will soon
make up this loss of time by the
quicker pace it will take on in its
growth and it will be the more tender
by growing quickly.
l should plant two or three times as
thickly as for ears. which will reduce
the size of the stalks, but at the same
time give plenty of small ears. If it is
planted so thickly that ears refuse to
set you are shutting out sunshine and
are reducing quality. This thickly
| planted corn will cut and bind much
| better than corn that is planted in
| checks for husking. | should always
aim to plant fodder corn in drills rum
I ming north and south If possible so as
to let in all the sunshine possible. This
| thickly planted drilled corn will handle
very much better than cut checked
corn.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21
THE TUBERCULOSIS CAMPAIGN

The campaign about to begin against
tuberculosis i'm Missouri COWS by the
state board of agriculture, looking to
state law reimbursing owners whose
diseased animals are slaughtered by
state officials. is not the first action
taken by commonwealth, says the
Drovers' Telegram. The Wisconsin ex-
pertinent station has been busy for
quite awhile and has achieved notable
results. as set out in the last annual
report of that station. The experiment
station work has been supplemented
by that of the state veterinarian and
private individuals, whose records are
not included in the compilation showing
of the station itself. During the past
three years hundreds OF students have
been set to work and tuberculin has
been distributed by wholesale over the
state. Tabulated results We're sent TO
the station. showing that the disease is
giving way to this treatment, as set
forth in this table:
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21
TAMMANY WILL GO TO
DENVER ESQ STRONG

New York. May 2l.-Tammany hall viii
be represented at the democratic national
convention at Denver by delegation $50
strong. All arrangements for the Jour
ney have been completed. according TO
an announcement at Tammany hall. Five
special trains have been engaged and ac-
commodations for the entire party have
been secured in Denver hotels. The five
trains will leave New York during the
forenoon of July and are due to arrive
In Denver on the evening of the 9Th. the
day before the convention.
1t Is estimated that the cost of tho
trip to the Tammany delegation will he
at least 100000. Each man will pay his
own expenses.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21
Ikey and Abe Away From Homo.

From LONDON Tlt-Bits.
The brothers Eckstein were being en-
tertained by one who was anxious to
avail himself of their financial acumen.
But. as i'll luck would have it, the talk
veered to other things.
DO you like Omar Khayyam?"
thoughtlessly asked the host, trying to
make conversation.
1t YVES the elder brother who plunged
heroically into the breach. Pretty
WE'LL he said. but prefer Chianti'
Nothing more was said till the Eek
stems We're ON their way home.
Likely" said Abe. breaking painful
silence, why carn't yer leave thingh
ath yer don't underthtand to me!
Omar khayyam amt wine, ye1
cuckoo; it's cheese!''
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21
WIDOWS NEW PENSION LAW

Act of April 10, 1908. allows widows OF
honorably discharged soldiers or sailors
of the civil war. who served 80 days OF
more il married before June q, 1880. q
pension of $l2 per month, and 81 for eact
child under 16 years of age.
Income or property no bar to pension
Under the Bounty Law of March 4. 1907
many soldiers and their heirs now en-
titled to SloO. Officers tax refunded etc
For blank applications and full particu
lars address Henry c. Cutter, Pension
Claim Attorney. DanNille. Ill
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21
BLIND CONTESTANTS
HOLD TRACK MEET

Columbus, Ohio. May 81. The state
school for the blind at Jacksonville.
III. Won the national blind meet that
was held last Saturday according to
announcement made here yesterday.
The teams that took part represented
institutions for the blind and various
events We're run off on the home
grounds. The scores of the teams by
points follow:
Jacksonville, ILL.,, 231s; Overlook. Pa.
- l-3; Louisville, Ky. 10 1-3; Batavia,
N. y. 12%: Ninton, Ia. IL. Columbus,
Ohio 10 1-3: Pittsburg 6
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21
From the New York Telegraph.

Fr0in the New York Te1cgTaph.
A we'll meaning, but Illogical friend
cites in defense OF the Merry Widow"
that a news dispatch from Allentown.
Pa, to the effect that one of those ex-
tensive denominations saved it's wearer's
life the other day l don't remember
how, or care.
In reply l recalled the French judge
before whom Prince Helie de Sagan
was arraigned.
II must live somehow" the prince
said in explanation of his misdoings.
II don't see the necessity" answered
the judge.
My friend politely asked me what
was the application of the story. !
hope you are not so dense.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21
NAME cLERGYMEN TO PRAY
AT CHICAGO CONVENTION

Chicago, May 21.--The subcommittee on
arrangements for the republican commit
tee announces that Bishop p. j. Muldoon
of the Roman Catholic diocese of Chicago
will offer the invocation on the opening
day of the republican national conven-
ton. Rev. VIM. O. Waters, of Grace
Episcopal church. Chicago. will officiate
on the second day and Rev. John Wesley
Hill. of the Metropolitan Temple of New
York. ON the third day.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21
ear Herds Herds AnimalsAnimals Per CT
tasted afYec1ed tested a fYecfed Affect q,

AS will be seen. the number of ami
mails tested in 1907 was twice as large
is in 1906, yet the number found affect
ed was scarcely more than half as
great.
While in Missouri there Is likely less
tuberculosis than in Wisconsin. she
owes it to her citizens to clean house
among her herds With an intelligent
campaign there is little doubt that in
five years Missouri's herds will be
healthy. and no stock owner be the
WORSE. for. ii
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21

Doan's Kidney Pills. 1.-The kidneys be-
gan to act more regularly" he says,
land in short time passed few
gravel stones. felt better right away
and since then have had no kidney
trouble"
Sold by all dealers. so cents box.
Foster-N lilburn Co. Buffalo. n Y.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21


headaches and dizzy
spells. and was as
surcd by a specialist
that his kidneys
We're a | | right,
though the secretions
showed a reddish,
brick-dust sediment.
Not satisfied, Mr..
EnderS started using
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21

Bats were the only family of native
mammals found on the thousands of
small islands in the Pacific. sThese
islands are SO far away from the great
continents that no mammals but the
flying bats could reach them. The va
riety Of bats known on earth is about
400.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21
Ask sourDcnlersor Alien. root-En.e

A powder to shake into your Shoes 1t rests
the feet. cures Gorns. nunions. Swollen,
sore. Hot. CallouS. Aching. Sweating feet
mud ln.srowing Nails Aliens Foot Ease
makes new or tight shoes easy Sold by nil
druggists aud shoe Stores. a5c. sample
mailed FREE. Address Allen $. Olmsted,
IL, I.nv
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21
Why They Left.

Jack-Hello. George. What's every
body crowding out of the psirlor for ?
Have refreshments been announced?
George-No; but Aunt Matilda is
getting ready to sing.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21
FOUND THE CAUSE

After SIX Years of Misery and
Wrong Treatment.
John A. Finders. of Robertson avenue.
Pen Argyll, Pa. suffered for six years
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21

A fresh coat Of whitewash on the hog
house looks good to the visitor and also
tends to check the spread Of vermin.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21
Revised Homestead Regulations

by which entry may be m ade by proxyton certain
bpother os sist.r Of intepinv
Entry fee In each case is $1,000. For pamphlet,
Last Best West" particulars as to rates, routes.
best time to go and where to locate. apply to
Ottawa, Canada, or T.. T. Holmes, 315 jackson
ST.. st. Paul, MINI; j.. M. MacLaehlan, Box I1d
Watertown. South Dakota, and w. v. Bennett.
8oI New York Life Building, Omaha, Neb..
Authorized Government Agents
Psase say where you this sdyertisement.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21
Out of Babes Mouths.

From the New York Tribune.
DIR. Gerrit j. Kollen. the president of
Hope college, at dinner i'm Holland.
Mich, recounted some quaint Juvenile
definitions.
They are definitions" said DIR. Kol-
len. given by little children in exami-
nations. Some of them think, are rath-
er good. Some show unconscious, some
intended humor."
And with that preface. he. began:
Precipitation - When the, heat
makes your body cry all over
Fan-A thing to brush the warm
off with
.Monkey-A little boy with tall
"'Clear soup-A quart of water
boiled down to pint to make 1t
strong"
That which costs nothing is generally
worth less.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21
Good for Sore Eyes

for over 100 years PE1vrI1"S EYE
S.AI.vE has positively cured eye diseases
everywhere All druggists or Howard
Bros. Buffalo. \ Y
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21
FACTS FOR SICK WoMEN.

For thirty years Lydia e. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound, made
from roots and herbs, has been the
standard remedy for female ills,
and has positively cured thousands of
women who have been troubled with
displacements, Inflammation, ulcera-
ton, fibroid tumors, Irregularities,
periodic pains, backache, that bear
ing-down feeling, fatulency, indiges-
tion, dizziness, or nervous prostration.
Why don't you try it?
Mrs. Pinkham invites all sick
women to write her for advice.
She has guided thousands to
health. Address. Lynn, Mass.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21
Then Ae Said Good Niqht.

Mr. Bore BE sure TO tell me when
you want me To go.
Miss Blunt Its AN hour too late for
that.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21

Big ideas are not necessarily ex-
pressed In big words.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21

Garfield Tea is of particular benefit
to those subject to rheumatism and govt !!
1t purifes the blood, cleanses the system,
and eradicates disease. Drink before re-
firing.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21
She Put Him Misc.

MI. F'reshIy-AII the World loves a
lover.
Miss Collier Down. reckon you
haven't met my father. as yet.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21

We're old folks now. companion
Our heads they are growing gray.
But taking the year NIL round. my dear
Yoli always will lind the May
We ve had our May. my darling
And our roses long ago
And the tine of the Year Is come. m
dear.
For the long. dark nights and the snow
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21

WADOWS,under NEW LAW obtained
rDu,NSISnNSb by JOHN w. MORRIS.
1.F.INSASpIN9 Washington, u. q.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21
lydia e. PlNkHAM'S
VEGETABLE COMPOUND

comes as a boon and q blessing,
as it did to Mrs. r. Ellsworth, Of
Mayville, N. Y, and to Mrs. w. p.
Boyd, of Beaver Falls, Pa, who say:
81 was not able to do my own work,
owing to the female trouble from which
suffered. Lydia E. Pinkham's Vege-
table Compound helped me wonderfully,
and am SO we'll that can do as big
days work as ever did,. wish every
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21
HOUSE
0Rl[

Thousands of American women
in our homes are daily sacrificing
their lives to duty.
In order to keep the home neat
and pretty, the children well dressed
and tidy, women overdo. A female
weakness or displacement is often
brought on and they suffer in silence,
drifting along from bad to worse,
knowing well that they ought to
have help to overcome the pains and
aches which daily make life a burden.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1908-05-21

About $500 different kinds of animals
are known on earth--that is. warm
blooded. milk-giving creatures. like our
common domestic animals. To avoid
confusion with other creatures. one
ought to call them mammals. meaning
mik-giving animals.