The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1908-07-02

Form OF Insanity.
| BiikinsvilIe. n. c.. June 81. 1908.
Correspondence Of The Caucasian
Enterprise.
Well. see by the papers that Mr.
Taft hez bin nominated by the Re
publikfns. and I guess hit liz only a
question ov majority, az the Dyma-
krats uneer the direction OF Mr..
William J. Bryan never hev anything
exsept funeral. We guide an loyal
Dymakrats at BfIkinsyiIie saved awi
our Grape twelve years ergo, an we
hev larned ter git hit out every four
the first ov November. fer the funer-
al liz sure ter cum of erlong erbout
the 4th ov November, rain or shine.
Death an Dymakrat defeat air two
things that hit liz no use ter argue
against, fer the more you argue the
more deaths they liz an the harder
the defeat.
But we Dymakrats hev lots ov
fun Just the same, an we kin put in
4 solid years tellin' awl erbout how
hit didn't happen an who wuz ter
blame. In fact, IL hit wuzZent fer
the fun we git out ov hit in that
way / guess we'd spend our money
fer cool drinks an not go ter so
much trouble. Still, hit won't do
ter give up without sum sort ov a
struggle. Betsy awlways sez I'd bet
ter stay at home an look after my
wurk insted ov wastin' so much
strength tryin' ter eleckt Bryan. But
Betsy is only a woman, and women
don't much erbout pollyticks. Hit
does us men a lot ov guide to go
through campane an git defeated.
We swell up an feel like we hev
done awl that wuZ necessary ter save
the country, anyhow. We wrangle
an fuss over pollyticks just the same
az If it wuz sumpthing important.
Ov course, pollyticks air a little i'm
portant insofar az the affairs ov the
country air consarned. But hit aint
a case ov life nor oV death, an no
sensible man ever thought; so. Still,
hear sum ov the speakers you'd think
hit iZ nifty serious. My friend, Bill
Moody aint got any more sense than
1 hev myself, an that haint worth
talkin' erbout, and I'd jist az soon
hev him at the head ov the Gov
ernmint as Billy Bryan. Hit hez got
so we don't hev nothin' in this CRATE
country nohow but wars and rumors
ov wars, perlikal campanes, pick
niks, an baseball. In fackt this
country is fast gittin' SO hit aint
much better ter live in than Russia
or New Jersey. | wouldn't give ten
cents difference. The trusts an the
hit liz hard to tell which air the
meanest. If the people don't rise up
an show their grit they will wish
they had done so. When the polly
tishuns put on the livery of heaven
an take the field az they hev fer the
in an alarm, an that liz jist what I
am tryin' ter do. Still I know that
hit IL a waste ov time an strength.
The publick never begins ter sit up
an take notis till after things gifts
so bad that they cant be remedied.
Awl the world iz stage an the
pollytishuns il the actors.
Ov course awl these reforms air
guide things. The trouble liz that we
don't git them. Then pollytishuns
simply use them ter ride in on an
hit won't be long till they hev up
sumpthin' else ter fool us with, an
we will put in sum more time kick
in ourselves. Az long az they stayed
in the perlitkal field an used tariff
reform and financial relief az a bait
I didn't git worked up very much.
But when they put on the garb ov
the church an begun ter fool the
people got az mad az a hornet an
l haint in a guide humor yit. But
let them go hit: they will either
hang themselves Or git hung before
Not long ergo 1 wuz readin' erbout
an ole woman that concluded that
| she needed more sunshine in her
| house, and she tried ter catch sun
shine in her apern an carry hit into
the house. That sounds sorter silly.
But hit wuz erbout az wise az hit il
| ter expect that we kin reform the
world by gittin' in the rear ov a
drove ov opllytishuns an expeckt ter
reform the country. If the pollyti-
shuns thought they really could an
would reform the country, they'd run
till they couldn't git bit of breth
an drop down rite in their tracks.
know 'em like book. If you don't
believe I am rite, jist wait an see
Why, ole celebrates day and mite
when a campane opens, fer he knows
that he will hev easy sleddin' while
hit lasts. An prohibishun campanes
air jist like the rest ov them.
I notis that an Indian woman hes
bin married 13 times an hit iZ sup
posed that awl ov her husbands all
still livin'. That liz terrible ter think
erbout. I hev only bin married once
an I hev jist erbout az much trouble
az I care erbout. They orter be sun
plan invented ter stop this exsessivt
marryin'. Hit il gettin' ter be terri
BILE. The Mormons cant hold lit.
ter sum ov the other people. If
kin manage ter git ter the legislatel
1 will interduce bill that will pu
stop ter hit, or my name liz no
Bilkins. Hit must be new kind o.
insanity. Az ever,
| ZEKE PTI KTNC