The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1908-07-30

~~e
Paper Read Before the Chautauqua Circle.
Geography is divided, like European
railroads, into three classes. The geog-
raphy of the FIRST class treats of the
land of the free, the bone of the
Democrat, this glorious peerless, un-
approachable country on which the
sun never sets without regret, Gods
country, first in civilization, progress,
science. art, literature, humanity, mo-
rality, liberty, equality, fraternity and
anumber of newspapers. Second. class
geography deals with: the sun, the
planets, the stars in their courses ION
tour, asit were,) the shape OF the earth,
with its resemblance to an orange (only
tits not so sweet, alssD the influence
of the moon, so noticeable when she
is with you, and other phenomena of
like nature. 1t is,showever, third
class geography, the brand which treats
of other countries than this one, on
which this paper aims to misinform
you. l have not the time to discuss
fully the ethical value OF mlsinforma-
ti0n, so it must be assumed as a sine
qua NON as tempxs tugit or as an
Aoni SOFT Qui NAL g pe'sse that the sys-
tematic dissemination of ::misinforma-
tion is not only worthy aim but
ellis q long felt want.
Taking the dirty country in which
had the misfortune of being igno-
miniously born (as the Japanese might
put it) as jumping-offi ground or
possibly as . stepping stone to higher
things, Great Britain is an island en-
tirely surrounded by hot air. 1t is
bounded on the north by prejudice,
on the east by animosity, on the south
by jealousy and on the west by Ireland
only they run sea up between them
to keep them apart. The principal
industry is in the manufacture of cor
Onets, diadems and scepters, principal
occupation groaning meath the tyrant's
heel. 1t imports considerable amount
of raw material in the shape of Ameri-
eau heiresses and exports the finished
product after it has been thru the
divOrce-mill. 1t is an interesting re-
minder of what American pluck and
Ingenuity can do for raw country,
to travel thru England aud see these
mills, South Dakota pattern, running
full blast. The largest city is London
which claims to be larger than New
York. However that may be, the
houses are not so tall and the atmos.
phere is simply dreadful. 1t is said
that the sympathy of the English for
the losing side In the Civil War was
partly due to the Inability of the Lon
doner to distinguish between white
and black in his native haunts. Ali
coOns look alike to him thru the fog
Carefully shaking the dust of Eng
land off our feet, this personally.mis-
conducted tour brings us to Ireland,
Popecraft in Ireland has Moham.
mechanism skinned any day in the
week. The inhabitants are brave,
virtuous and thoroly respectable, but
candor compels me to add that they
will not eat out Of your hand. In fact
were it not for the Irish vote, such
expressions az "a broth of a boy" might
be adduced as evidence of lingering
rites of heathenism.
From Ireland what more natural
than to turn to Germany. The Ger
man, as everybody knows, is fat man
with q perverted appetite for sauer-
kraut and wienerwurst. The Prohibi.
tion movement is not very strong In
Germany. Neither is the Meman's
Rights movement. The German laws
are however very profound, exact and
comprehensive. Thus every citizen OF
the Fatherland wears q moustache
which must for two-thirds of its length
assume horizontal position, and for
the remaining third revert to the yer.
tical type, so that, when two Germans
stand back to back, they have the ap-
pearance of parenthesis.
This trip being taken as much on
the water wagon as possible, we will
cross Luxembnrg at dead of night and
enter Belgium. Belgium is chiefly
remarkable for its illustrious monarch