davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-14

call those clown-dog-in-the-ci fxings
that they wear around their neckS-oh,
yes. Elizabethan rufus; same EliZabethan
runs. sticking away out all around, SO
that women who dine in public restaur-
ants have to pin EN- to their chests be-
fore they can eat.
Same every old thing.
Stand at a Broadway corner mot long
enough. however, to get the move-along
nudge from a cop of the Broadway squad
and watch them mince by, and you'h
notice how extremely much alike they
look as to their clothes and fixings. No
individuality Of style, no getting away
from the slavish model no Independence
whatever In the matter of drapery They
all look as If they'd bought their gear
ready-made at the same plant. Almost
they appear to be uniformed, like soldiers
or sailors.
Not before in a good many years, If
the recollections of this chronicler are
correct, have New York women been so
utterly subservient to the tyranny of just
one type of feminine exterior Time was
when the women of this region. while
clinging. of course, to the essentials Of the
mode. departed from the rigidness of the
fashion itself to the extent of exhibiting
little kinks of their own in the matter
of dress that as they fitted w they
left q little essence of individuality IN
their wake. Something that they had on
was little different. The hard pattern
was departed from in one or two engag-
ing details that smacked of commend
able freedom of spirit.
Now, though. they look as If they'd
been brought forth out of the same toy
box.
This. then. is unseembly and unbefitting.
1t Is bad enough. and worse than that.
that men should be compelled by tradition
and conventionality and smugness and
the fear OF ridicule, and thousand other
fool items Of that general character. to
adhere religiously to just one kind Of
toys. the same being the most unlovely,
not to say the most hideous, mess OF body
coverings that possibly could be imagined
by . malevolent designer engaged in
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-14

desk, "Ah've come up this-a-way from
Browns Island. Ah'm friend MISS
Clytemnestra Conkshells, sub.
The young scientist grabbed smai
meterorite specimen from his desk ana
jumped up.
Oh. he was game all right enough, and
prepared to sell his life dearly.
ooh. you do know her. eh? he saia:
going" a little paler. We'll. what OF
it,"
The words that probably were thump-
ing through his head just then were:
lies that Virginia maiden's hshermah
beau all rightsky, and he's going TO eau
me up alive and all like that; but m
going to hand him q run for his cur
rency,'' or words to that general es-
"Oh, nothin'. sub replied the giant.
good -naturedly. 'Ah jes' happened
mention tn young lady. Alive toted up
heah some O. them things yo'- was
lookin' TO down our way While oack'
Well. here's the appropriate place 10
The Young scientist fell back In ais
chair with the relaxation of pure JOY
and his blood once more began TO cir
culate.
Don't tell US that there can't be any
such a thing as romance and such-llke
matters in a government scientinc pureaus
because we know differently.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-14

That's SOP said the scientific clip.
well, now, I'll tell you. The gentle
man whom you are seeking met that
young lady down on your island, ana
he'll be very glad to know that you're &C
uuainted with her. Now. I'll show you
where his desk is, and when you meet
him 1 know it will please him If you tell
him at once that you are friend or MISS
Clytemnestra Conkshell.
''ve'y we'll. sur" said the giant. An IL
sho tell him."
Then the scientific tease went arounu
and gathered together about dozen OF
the scientific corps on a little galiery
for exhibits directly overlooking the desk
of the object of Clytemnestra Conksheils
maidenly affections. Then he showed the
Virginia giant where to find the young
Scientist. who was busily engaged IN
sorting over some specimens on his desk.
The Virginia giant clomped upstairs 10
the desk Of the young scientist for wnom
he had collected some specimens ana
shambled over to his desk.
The young scientist looked up. prompt
ly he went quite pale, as Robert Cham,
hers would say; they all "go" or went
male in these regular stories. You Know.
No doubt the young scientist had a huncn
about breakers ahead and lee SHORES ana
things. .u..,, ao-
sub said the giant, difhdentiy ao-
dressing the nervous and decidedly APP
prehensive young man OF science at the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-14

man who knew all about the fashions in
the sizes Of women.
on earth now" the person went on in his
terrifying matter-of-fact tone. Squads.
broilers. midgets. Kind that are about
as big as a bees knee. The Juno Is as
dead as the dodo. whoever that was; me
large. ample, full-blown Queen OF Sheoa,
who was so much the merchandise only
a few years ago. has gone down into the
dust with Nineveh and Tyre, whlcn. L
understand. were somewhere near Alex
andria-nunno l don't mean .exandria
in Virginia.
Yep the women who expect to get on
nowadays on the stage-of course, l am
referring to the rank and file of the ex-
travaganza outfits-have got to be the
tots all right. Got to be perfect little
spreading to vaudeville. Big women are
not wanted, sos you could perceive it.
even in vaudeville now. Presently the
thing will spread to the legitimate stage,
and then the woman who is known to her
press agent and to her friends as stat
uesque will have to go dig UP some kind
of shriveling process. warranted not
only to remove her too, too, solid flesh.
but to dwarf her bones. They've all got
to get down to the five-foot standard. and
soon.
THE bug for little women now has
seized upon everyday folks, too. as well
as upon the stage. Notice the women
With the men sitting along the Yellow
Streak at the lobster hours, and you'll
find that nine-tenths of them are teeny-
weenes. The hugest chappies pick out
for themselves the littlest of trippy-trip-
py tiptOeing women.
Whats going to become of the big.
tall. spreadout women? Oh, don't
know. There are people who still toll
crate EN-, I suppose-tlleir folks at home,
say
Yes, 1t was perfectly scan'alous the way
this observant man and employer Of stage
women dwelt upon the forthcoming doom
of all women above the stature Of five
feet. And yet his remarks fall in with
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-14

sing Of course with one Of those super
f1nous raps between the shoulder olaoes.
..Say. pal, what was the name OF thaI
thing you were bawling on the PACK VI
the car last night? There might De sollie
music in it if it was done right. put you
shouted it at the top of your voice, y.
course. Oh, now, I remember What II
was. 1t was On the Road to Manoalay-
Somewhere east of Suez. where the NY
ing fishes play or some such JUNK. Couio
onIv make out a few lines of 1t, Tor you
were bellering it like megapnohe' you
The heavy-hearted victim crawled away
from that one like something sore
wounded and he found himself making
observations unto himself.
cts either one Of two things" he found
himself remarking unto himself. Elbner
I have got every Ogalalla Sioux that ever
hopped the wickieup and did corn-Juice
dance under the light of the moon
beaten to a whisper and backed on the
plank as a tearing, yowling son OF sea
cook. or else I have the most VeFsdthe
assortment of liars on my list OF ac
uuaintances and friends that ever danced
over the lea, ira la la. From puglilsin
tn noetry. from picking on soldiers TO
bowling Mandalay-say, they're handing
II to me, that's all! Wherefore, the next
submerged starfish that tries to sip me
any of these rarebit dreams has got 10
fight. and he's got to know now TO Hsh,,
and I'm a-saying It! From this present
moment of time / refuse to
..Why, good morning, old CHAP said
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-14

an acquaintance just then, coming up
behind the victim and, instead or puncn-
ing him between the shoulders. decently
placed a soothing hand on just one of
the shoulders. Hope you're feeling pet
ter than l do. How are you, anyhow:
The victim mumbled something no
didn't know what was coming. ana ne
wasn't going to commit himself.
WELL" said this last one, you can
at least have the consolation OF knowing
that YOU have the knack of behaving
Yourself like a citizen and taxpayer when
you're out with q gang of scouts such
as we all were last night. wish L coulo
saw as much" and this last one felt dis
mally of his head.
The victim felt q wave OF gratitude
throb through him.
Say you were with me all the even
ing?' he inquired. apprehensively.
''Surest thing you KNOW was the re-
ply. 1--WE went home in cab along TO-
ward 10 o'clock Say, I don't see now
Won hold it all, you know. You were as
sober as a Judge, but as for me-whee.
The victim considered for little while.
.Old man." he finally observed, In a
burst of feeling, .'let me go order suit
of clothes for you, won't you? Come on
I want to do it. i insist upon DONG ~.
I won't take no for an answer. I'm
going to buy you suit of clothes IL IL
the last thing ] ever do while I'm on top
of the ground and I'll be as sore as
butcher on you for the rest Of our mutual
lives II you don't allow me the privilege
of doing IT.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-14

mides Upon emerging from the drug shop
he got another back wallop.
well we'll, you look as If you had
flirted an hour or so with the feathers.
anyhow" painted that one. And you
sure needed sleep. Last time l had
flash at you you were standing on the
corner Of 'teenth and F streets. reciting
'Bingen on the Rhine to the moon and
howling between cantoes that you were
a double-fanged hooded cobra and longed
to dart your venom at little prattl1ng
children Changed your mind about that,
did you? Well. old boy. that sure was
a great imitation of Richard Mansfield
in Richard the Third that you staked
us to- You could be heard bellering II
four blocks away"
The victim pressed his gloves TO MS
head YEARLY and went his dismal path.
He hadn't patrolled that path more than
half a square when the back thlng was
handed to him again.
"Ho. no, here comes the new Caruso!
said that back walloper, gleefuilW Say,
when you going into grand opera for
sure, mateyT'
Grand opera?'' YEARLY inquired the
victim prepared to hear another batch
of it.
"Well should say grand OPERA!
eabbled that one. Perhaps You don't
remember standing at the corner OF
'umpty street last night and entertaining
a large and constantly increasing crowd
with your assortment of grand opera
manifestations from 'Rigoletto and
Lucia and IL Trovatore' and all the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-14

already engaged to Washington young
person who knew how to construct tides
and doilies and to play "Frolic of the
Frogs Waltz" and 1.-The Maiden's Prayer"
on the pianoforte, he really felt quite
badly about the visible cascade Of affec-
ton lavished upon him by the Virginia
sea-nymph, daughter of nature. and so
on.
Moreover, the matter was additionally
complicated by the fact that the Virginia
maiden already had a beau for herself.
Her beau was a raw-boned young fisher
man, who combined business with pleas
ure. occasionally, by ''cote-ing' her the
while he creased his boots.
From the viewpoint Of the young scien-
fist this was a sure-enough complication.
irrespective Of all other considerations
whatever.
The scientist had never seen the Vir-
ginia maidens fisherman beau, and he
didn't banker to.
After getting only about halfway
through with his job Of gathering speci-
mems he packed up and fed back to
Washington. glad again to find himself
within the safe. enfolding arms of pure,
undiuted Science. with an upper case 8.
Sadly, yet naturally enough, the light
house keepers daughter pursued the
young scientist with more or less violently
affectionate letters. They were none the
less affectionate in text If they were
signed-as they sure were-"Yures very
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-14
EXT MORNING MEANDERINGS AND A TRUTHFUL CLIMAX G.

nifty stuff? Well. if you don't remember
thaf von sure must have been loaded for
iaguars! Mighty enjoyable performance
YOU gave. at that. But we mao 70 .noe6
YOU along or you'd nave Deen s.,,T
for a certainty Better nag mat s.ua'
old top. You're too much or reserv
tion-iumping Comanche Wnen you
that way. Nothing in that mocking powi
gag. Better switch the cut ana ne soo0'
The sad-souled victim. mopping the
perspiration from his throbplng Drow.
plodded on. He hadn't piodoeo IAi, ".
course, before the next walioper gave ii'ii'
one If those humorous shoulder siaps. -.
"Well, we'll, here's the old pirate nov:
h,urted that one Say, when you goins
to take us all down to that treasure
land in the Caribbean Sea, snipmaee
"Huh?" inquired the victim: dlsmahy.
"Oh, no, look at him pull the hmosen cen
chart!" spilled the gay. gay tei-.e" Wy
Don't s'pose you remember that Cap,.
Kidd imitation you gave al t., e,,, e,oo
bowling alley last night? Don re.nen ~
Der bowling that you were the .erIor ~ ~,
the Spanish main and that you leu III
glass and burning sulphur ahd al nAe
that? Well, you honest can put up a
C,herubic expression in the morning ai
right. old man, for such bloodthlrsty
one!" . hare
II am going anyway from mere, re-
mumbled the victim, 1nconereh,iy' o
he forsook that one. ,.r,v
"Ho, no, here's our balladlst! cheeins
sung out the next one, preceding '"e
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-14

explain what kind of nora and fauna
he was sent to gather.
Anyhow, to elucidate that point would
be to furnish too good line on just what
scientific bureau the near-hero Of this
veracious narrative belongs to.
The near-hero who went specimen gath
ering is a young man, If thirty-f1ve or
whereabouts isn't considered elderly; he's
fairish looking, and he hasn't yet ar
rived at the shriveled dry-as-dust stage
of the career of the immersed scientific
man.
Now, on the little island hereinbefore
mentioned. lying OF the coast of Virginia,
there is lighthouse.
The lighthouse keeper had, and has. a
daughter pretty, wholly unsOphisti-
Gated. quite uneducated and therefore en-
tirely charming Virginia girl
She had led an existence Of isolation.
The youngish scientist was perhaps the
first male person she had ever met and
conversed with who executed the major
portion Of his dining with the aid of a
fork, properly handled.
More or less consequently the light.
house keepers daughter promptly became
a hull heap smitten, to put it in that
ornery way, with the young scientist
The young scientist couldn't help it. He
felt nattered, Of course, that the Virginia
maiden should consider him to be pos
sessed of the fatal gift of beauty. and all
lke-that-away. But inasmuch as he was
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-14

shape and through the MILL Most well in
formed folks think that the wish is father
to the thought in this case, and that the
July idea is just pleasant dream.
y
IN little paragraph in last Saturdays
Star l opined that Representative Ma
than Wesley Hale of the second Tonnes
see district probably was reelected to
Congress. The fact that Nathan Wesley
had a pretty good organization in his dis
trict and that the paragraph in question
was written last Monday week, the day
before the election, may account for the
fact that / missed the bulrs-eye of the
result by some twelve hundred ballots.
which seems, at present writing, to be
the size of the other fellows majority
Several days after the fateful November
3 l received an impassioned communica-
ton from one John c. Harris of Knox
vile, Tenn. then stopping at the Ebbitt
House in this fair and enlightened Ma
tfonal capital, taking me severely to task
for soaring people to death by reporting
the return to Congress of Nathan wesley
Hale. l take this opportunity OF correct
ing myself Mr. Hale is beaten. one
Richard w Austin will sit In his place
in the Sixty-first Congress. This Is final
Very few people in Washington ever
heard of Richard w. Austin But that
makes no difference. Methinks 1 hear
songs of praise rising to the skies. Me-
thinks 1 note a number Of anvils ringing
in chorus under the impact OF joy-driven
hammers Methinks there Is whole lot
of loose enthusiasm around these digg'ngs
over the defeat Of the rural. the gum
chewing, the speechless. the misunder-
stood Nathan Wesley Hale.
All of the talk Of late about William
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-14
POOR WIFES SOCIAL ASPIRATIONS @rd%N[E@%

itself at home throughout the house. up
stairs and downstairs.
Then, with the dinner cooking. Jim set
the table. not negiecting to fix places for
his two little boys, who were kept away
upstairs huddled out of sight on these
days at home of his wife.
when the meal was all fixed and the
table ready Jim, still in his shirt sleeves
made the best Of his way up the 6ase-
ment stairs through the powerful and ap-
pealing aroma of fried onions, and, stand
ing at the head of the stairs Leading 10
the second hoor, yelled up to his two little
sons: ,
.'Hey, kids. come on down to your din
ner!'
Then Jim went to the door OF the re-
ception room and executed fine bit OF
acting. He pretended that he was COW
cred with dismay and confusion ana
things over showing up in that way pc
fore guests in his shirt sleeves. Inc
glare that he got from his wife was meant
to shrivel him. but Jim wasn't in shr'-
cling humor that afternoon.
" Emma said Jim to his wife. agree
ably. I'm just about to make sure,
enough hit with you all right. I've cooked
up a big mess of beefsteak and onions
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-14
a E& u
y S1 u
~

slightly higher figure with each succeed
ing week. Recently Mr.. Early got wor-
ried He sought his family doctor and
laid his troubles before him.
I'm not much of an eater. Doc" said
he. Il have my breakfast at in the
morning and 1 never get hungry much
before 10. Even then I don't indulge my
self. Usually If I find myself uncom-
fortably empty i drop into Dutch res
taurant and have a tub of suds. with
some sauerkraut and frankfurters, and
that carries me over till noon. when I
have my lunch. and I'll admit it Is usually
a pretty square meal. During the after
noon 1 seldom eat more than couple
of times. with an occasional drink to
wash it down, and I have my dinner
rather early. so that I sometimes get
hungry a couple of times during the
evening"
The learned physician kept a straight
face. II can say only one thing" he
remarked, gravely. you must not eat
so much. You positively must not. You
simply must promise me that you will
limit yourself to three meals day.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-14

tons to induce him to chop paying his
grocery bills. and such like, or to cause
him to lie awake O. nights wondering how
he's going to beg or bride some pin-headed
attache of an inconsequential legation to
lend him distinction. if you call it that.
by honpring his roof. Neither can he un-
derstahd why he should intrigue for an
invitation to a progressive euchre party
at sassiety boarding house. where all
of the female persons who assist rig
themselves out in their one china silk
waist and throw the high handshake.
He does not. you will apprehend. at all
understand where this kind Of lay is at
all necessary to his happiness or peace
of mind, and that goes for his folks, too.
He doesn't see why his felix's would
banker thusly either.
This mans wife. however. since he got
his pay raised from $1,000 to 81. 400 per
annum. has been oscillating and four
flushing around on the outskirts Of the
pink waist bunch-that is to say, in a
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-14

to take off her crinkled maids cap and
hike below stairs to prepare something
to eat This kind Of stuff, as say, Is
what captured James Angora. Jim, ne
made I'D his mind that ne was going to
be 1t. That's why I'm telling you about
II.
Jim got home at his usual time
o'clock-Wednesday afternoon last. Wed
nesday's his wife's day at home. Jim
had several bundles under his arm. In
one of the brown paper packages was a
big tenderloin steak, and In another OF
the bundles were about a dozen or so OF
nice. big, juicy Bermuda onions grown
In Texas.
LAS soon as he got in Jim raked over
the kitchen fire. and, taking OF his coat
and getllng real busy. he set the cofree
pot on the stove and started in to cook
his own dinner.
within about twenty-five minutes Jim
had about as nifty-looking mess OF
beefsteak and onions a-going as anybody
ever saw. Nor did James open the
kitchen door to let the oniony smell out
that way. Not any. Jim's on the level;
he wasn't trying to get away with any
bluff stuff, and he wanted the savory
perfume Of those sizzling onions to make
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-14

~ IL the following points, VIZ: ihat II
appears to have come to pass that ALL
or most, so-termed stylish" women dress
themselves exctly alike.
This is the case in New York, anyhow.
and we are bound to see things from the
angle of the coign of disadvantage upon
which We sit or stand. New York ID that
present Instantaneous coign.
They do dress virtually all alike over
here. or seem to. anyhow, to the may be
imperfect or obscured vision of the male
person.
Same kind of straight front and straight
back and generally slabsided tailored
suits you'll see everywhere along the
BIazed Trail that same being Broad
way
zone thing, though. is that they're all
through with those vertical Sebra-striped
tailored suits over here. and I saw lot
of those in Washington the other day.
Same huge hats that look ike up
turned wash basins. and that make many
of the faces under them look like with
cred eourds Same kind of aigrettes and
things In the hats. Same kind OF cfink-
lev nousquetaire gloves. Same shortish
skirts that show, oh. such lot Of feet.
and the feet not always lovely to Eaze
upon, either. Same ruches. or what dye
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-14

way Of speaking. she's been trying to
wriggle in through the medium Of 'samo-
var tea served out of $6.4S set of Sc
vres china made in Railway, N. j.
IAN afternoon, a short while back. when
she managed to rope in an assistant sec
rotary Of something or other to hit up
one of. these afternoon layouts of hers.
marked such an epoch in her career that
she had to announce, right away quick.
that henceforth she'd have her day at
home.
"Now. this man I'm talking about puts
in q pretty nifty days work for his gov
eminent wages. and when he gets home
from his work he likes to sit down to a
proper meal of victuals, with his family
around the board, the cat browsing before
the basement latrobe. and all like that.
When his wife got her day at home
a-going. however. he got his instructions
to sneak into his home by the basement
route and to keep himself slowed and
isolated there until such time as his wife.
upstairs in her reception room-ye-eh, the
rent Of the house Is $50. 80 a month-got
through talking about the high life gag
with the bunch of society queens who
drove up on these occasions in f1fty-cent-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1908-11-14

an-hour calooshes that looked like they
were suffering from the phylloxera or the
bubonic plague or something-the vehicle,
/ mean.
Therefore. it was up to my friend to
sit down there in the basement. gnawlng
his nails and Tightening up his belt and md
longing for grub, until the last of his
vife's at-homers had tagged the sam
ovar tea and the macaro9ns Isl; and na,on na az
hiked home to dig out the cold pork chop In
the refrigerator wherewith to make din
ner for themselves-for the at- =" nshs
you see, rarely or never sit down 10 Wnat
you'd call a good square meal of victuais
"Well, Jim-that's my friends name.
stood for all this end of 1t until one
afternoon last week
.sThen, of a sudden, sedtion and blood
red revolt seized possession of him:
Jim couldn't make out where ten ne
cut in on the proposition. with MS VIE
and the tea gang upstairs Ginning IN,
terminably about the Good. the True and
the Beautiful, while he. hungry to the
bones Of him, had to hang around the
basement, reading the Lost and Found
ads in the Stahpape until about
o'clock, when his wife would release the
maid from upstairs duty and permit her