davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01
GLOBE SIGHTS.
rFrom the Atchison Globe.I


We've quit betting! we always lose.
All that can be said of some people
is that they are good company"
Some men look very much out of
place in a buggy drawn by family
horse.
It is said of an Atchison girl that
she has a very gentlemanly handshake.
If the day goes slow to you, take
pill every hour, and see how fast time
will appear to fly.
Some people seem to want their
horses to scare at automobiles, so they
will have grievance.
A dull period is approaching when
YOU will think you have lost your busi-
ness and your friends.
Go into any neighborhood, and the
first talk you hear will be about the
Worst Boy and the Best Boy.
Entirely too much attention is paid
to the affairs of the heart and not
enough to the affairs of the liver.
Ever know of a brewer who was a
poor man? But you have known plenty
of beer drinkers who were poor.
a sane man knows he doesn't know
ii all. It's the crazy man who knows
everything, and knows he knows it.
When a country girl finally falls in
love, she is flercer than a town girl,
end makes more fuss over opposition.
horse shows off to advantage is when
it is taking part in a funeral process
sion.
If YOU run into a stone wall. go
round it: don't back off and butt It
and keep at 1t as long as you can
stand.
Flattering a husband. and then ask
ing him for money, is like taking a
man up in a balloon and throwing him
out.
An Atchison politician says you can't
get next to a man by simply Shaping
him on the back: you must also pull
his suspenders-
The princess who is the daughter of
p poor man may dream that she is the
daughter OF king, but she is really
the offspring OF male rabbit
The men are so easy to fool that ev-
cry woman fatters herself she is a
natural born actress and would have
made a great hit had she gone on the
stage.
Somehow when a girl appears on the
front porch and spreads out a ham
mock. II suggests a spider. and every
one wonders il fly viii come along.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01

And really, 1 am finding out that we
have very good neighbors'
Susanna puzzled over that last SEN
tence- at least until she came home to
find Mr.. Lalor established in the privf-
lege of keeping ward over the foraginEs
OF the white leghorns. Her eyes twinkied
comprehension as he shook hands on
presentation. He caught the twinkle and
answered it boldly with: Please. may I
have your sister Helen? / knew Il
would do no good to ask-before you
came home"
Why-yes, I think you may" Su-
sauna said, the twinkle deepening. But
do you think 1t is quite fair-this way OF
playing beggar my neighbour"
you're really responsible-your hens
nave taught me to take what I want
regardless of bounds" he flung back at
her. Susanna laughed outright, and an
swered honestly: IF they really did Il.
I'm mighty S,ad."-(Copyrighte 1867.
by Homer Sprague)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01
MEN WHO GO WRONG.

Among many people the belief is gain
ing Roadway that wrong-doing-or some
forms of it, at any rate-is the result
of a species of disease. The disposition
to go wrong has been lessened in some
cases by treatment of the nerves. Per
sons with an unaccountable mania for
stealing. for instance. have been made
honest by an operation relieving certain
pressure on the brain.
Such instances are rare. of course. but
they prove the fact. In almost every
case the disease is brought on himself
by the victim.
In discussing this subject of men who
unaccountably "go wrong" Harper's
Weekly says:
"A Long Island Episcopal clergyman
lately abandoned his wife and children
and eloped with a young girl. The
bishop of his diocese, DIR. Burgess, has
been criticised for saying in a sermon
treating of the occurrence that the
priest always takes his color from the
people to whom he ministers He SEEM
ed to suggest that the lax morality of
society in these parts was partly to
blame for the cIergyman's fall, and that
suggestion he intensified by his further
remarks. No doubt 1t is true. as a rule,
that when a society is rotten its rotten
ness in time penetrates more or less into
its priesthood, but no reflection of that
sort seems TO US to touch such a case as
that OF Mr.. Cooke, the runaway Long
Island rector. When q man in his posi-
ton and of his general standing goes
the way Cooke has gone. the degenera-
ton of which his fall is the evidence is
not social, but purely individual. A few
years ago an L..iscopal clergyman, after
a remarkable church career in Buffalo,
came to New York as rector of parish.
Here he preached brilliantly for time
but presently changed his religion and
became q Roman Catholic (somewhat to
the dismay OF that body. and after a
time left his wife ana ran away with
some other woman. But long before
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01
FRON OTHER PENS
NOT WORTH NOTICE.

1t is stated that Mr.. Stead is much
dissatisfied with the manners Of
American men and that Henry James
deplores the bad manners of American
women. Between these eminent CEN
sors it would seem to be evident that
we have little really good manners
left 1t is quite possible that if Mr..
lanes turned his expert attention to
the manners of our men and Mr.. Stead
was equally attentive to the manners
of our women the two would sweep
away every mannerly vestige we may
have fancied we possessed. We would
revert back as it were, to the social
amenities of the cave man and to the
courtesies of the age of stone. But we
mustn't take this insular Englishman
and his quondam American too Sc
riously.-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01
POINTED PARAGRAPHs-
[From the Chicago News.

rFrom the Chicago News
The good die young and the old sin
ners die hard.
A short walk daily will benefit any
man in the long run.
This world is willing to tolerate lazy
men who have money
Generally a man who attributes his
poverty to his honesty can't prove II.
It is easier to get engaged to a girl
than IL is to marry a widow.
Egotism is the principal ingredient
in the self-made mans composition.
1t takes lot of courage to enable
a woman to admit that she IS home
ly.
Look to the foundation OF the lad
der of fame before attempting to
climb IL.
When a woman insists upon her
rights all a man has to do Is to stand
from under.
Even the prima donna finds It ad-
visable TO employ press agent to sing
her praises.
It's a queer coincidence that mon
quitoes and peekaboo shirt waists ap-
pear about the same time.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Some medical crank advises people to
gargle after every fifth kiss. What
some of them do IS to giggle after every
fifth one-when they take enough time
off for anything.
\ X
Some people are so touchy that they
would get mad even if the assessor
sighted them.
X x
No, Alphonse, you cannot hold the
lumber trust entirely responsible for the
increase in your board bill
X x X
If those politicians who have an over
whelmtng desire to save the country
will turn in and help save the wheat
crop, they will really be accomplishing
something.
y 4
Trade note:-It is expected that the
arnica market will be brisk during the
next few days.
y
1t appears to be good baseball ethics
to lick the umpire once in awhile, but
to muff a fly with three men on bases
and the score tie in the ninth in
ming, is naturally an objectionable
crime.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01
An UnnuaIiHed Story.

An African hunter once found
large crocodile hanging in the fork Of
a tree about ten feet from the ground.
AS the place was fully half a mile
from any water, it was difficult to ac-
count for the crocodile's strange posi-
ton When questioned upon the sub
ject, the natives explained that it was
put there by an elephant. It seems
that when the elephants wade into the
Lake Ngami to battle the crocodiles
are in the habit of worrying them and
biting their legs. Sometimes when an
elephant is annoyed beyond endurance
it picks up it's tormentor in its trunk
puts it among the branches of a tree
and leaves it there.-Tit Bits.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01

pears in the Holton Signal: 1.-The To-
peka bus line has quit, leaving the
public at the mercy of the hack driv-
ers of that town, who operate a thor
ough and up-to-date skin game. A
Topeka hackman lately charged a
Holton woman $3.50 to drive. her from
the Rock Island depot to Stormont
hospital about mile. Topeka has
grown so rich and great in the last few
years that it could afford to take a
little time, and compel its hackmen to
be decent" Probably all Topeka hack
men are not that grasping, and none
of them should be allowed to be.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.
rFrom the Philadelphia Record.I

From the Philadelphia Record.J
Straw hats come out ahead.
Time flies. also its fiy time.
''An hands arouad''-the clock.
People who live in glass houses
shouldn't go into politics.
The airship inventor feels that he Is
OF the high road TO success.
Many q Millionaire doesn't seem to
know he is alive, but his heirs do.
Money is the root OF all evil from
which springs many a family tree
Success never comes TO any mar
who stops promptly when the whistle
blows.
He-"You are really nice enough %
cat" She-''Tbat's just like you men.
We always have to reach your hearts
through your stornachs-"
WigTvag-"I hear your novel Is ons
Of the six best sellers. What Is the
motive2'' Scribbler-"Ths principal
motive was that 1 needed the money!
Choilie S1phedde-"But last winter
you told me you loved me quite as
much as you loved oysters" Mis-
Pert-'Yes. but oysters are out Of
season now"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01

The San Francisco Examiner. in
f1rst-page editorial, demands that Cen
eral Funston be removed from that 10
cality because of his reference to 1.-The
unwhipped mob" Perhaps the Exam
aner is afraid the mob won't continue to
be unwhipped if Funston stays around
there. Incidentally the Examiner shows
an exceedingly short memory. It credits
the little generals promotion to the
rank of brigadier to the story that he
SWAN the Bag-Bag, when everybody
who pretends to know anything about it
at all, knows that his promotion was be-
cause of his capture of Aguinalde, which
practically put an end to the Philippine
fnsurrection.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01
WISDOM.

Comes forth with ze ar ,graduate
This planet so immense
vast theories will she DEFINE
And show how each applies
10 human needs like yours and mine;
NJ Wy %hen she has impressed the throng
e,,,a ~ s1,a At.I Wlsoge strange TO see,
And laughs with girlish giee:
And 70 the youth who calls each night
Makes simple, frank replieS
She would not seem too erudffe-
For she is wondrous wisei
-WaShfngtou Star
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01
HOME NEWS WHILE AWAY.

Subscribers of the State Journal
away during the summer may have
the paper mailed regularly each day
a. any address at the rate OF ten cents
a week or thirty cents 4 month thy
mail only). Address changed as often
as desired. While out of town the
state Journal will be to you like n
fdaily letter from home.
Advance payment is requested on
these short time subscriptions, to save
bookkeeping expcHse.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01

"A Kentucky paper advises: kill rat
whenever you Sc one,' But" interposes
the Leavenworth Times. the trouble
's@.th Kentuckians is that they are al
ways apt to see two" And not only
that, but they are also apt to try to
kill the wrong one.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01

Possibly If the Virginia judge. who Is
now on trial for murder had not been
drunk most of the time for four years,
it would not have been necessary for
him to appeal to the unwritten law to
awenge the wrong done to his daughter.
There might not have been any wrong
IN az 1ee
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01

There is some wonder why the tele-
graph companies do not accede to the
demands of the operators for higher
wages, especially as they have already
collected much more than the advance
from the public. People who are doing
the wondering evidently do not know
the telegraph companies.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01

Even If the entrance fee to the Sixth
district primary is made $1,000, it
won't scare the candidates away.
Senator Young says he doesn't care;
w. B. Hams friends say it won't stop
Mr.. Ham. and certainly Congressman
Reeder won't object
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01

Ia there an ordinance regulating
cab and hack fares in this city? If not,
there ought to be, and all hackmen
should be compelled to keep the scale
posted in their vehicles. Here is
criticism in regard to this matter,
which. IL true, is certainly just 1t ap-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01

Victor Murdoch thinks If that Medi-
cine Lodge tornado had happened to
Senator Curtis it would have been
charged to the Lane succession.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01
Nothing Moving.

Two men We're coming into Denver
from a nearby town on a. local train
the other day. The train stopped every
five minutes, 1T seemed, and one Of the
men became impatient Finally, when
the train halted for the engine to get
up steam, the mans Impotence over
flowed.
Now. what do you think of this
train?" he said to the other.
TT isn't making much progress" re-
piled his friend.
"Progressl should say not" said the
impatient man, 1T would be a fierce
job to take a moving picture of this
rain."-Denver Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01

BY barring comsumptives from that
state. Texas creates the impression
that some health seekers really want
to go there
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01

For a few weeks the farmers will
have to be excused from having polit-
icai opinions The wheat crop needs
saving more than the country
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01

The Atchfson Globe rises to protest
against "the whiskey joke" Whiskey
is really no joke.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01

M Just as a matter of observation, it
Hlooks more and more as though w. r.
Stubs would be drafted as a guberna-
toria1 candidate.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01

The stampede to the Fairbanks
band wagon appears to have gone
astray along with Roosevelt's apology
to Nature Writer Long.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01

An eastern minister recently
preached on "a Trip to He'll and
Back" How to get back was what
Interested his hearers.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01

The cause of vegetarianism con-
tinues to be encouraged by the ad-
vancing prices of meat.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01

, w. r. Stubs will also break into
the Chautauqua circuit. He has been
engaged to speak at,the Clay Center
assembly on July 20.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01

The chief ambition of the later wit
nesses at Boise seems to be to prove
Orchard liar-which he admits.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01

An exchange remarks that many OF
the telegraph dispatches these days
are really tell-o'-graft dispatches.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01

Better lay in a liberal supply of ban
dages and arnica along with your fire.
works.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

The State Journal is a member OF the
Associated Press and receives the full DAY
teleEraph report of that great news or
gan1xation for the exclusive ArterE@on
p1blfca ton in Topeka
The news Is received in The State Jour
nal building over wires for this sole pur-
nose
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01

Didn't I tell yer that Bill was too
slow to Nve?"
why. wot's e bin and done now?"
He's gone and got run over by a
hearse. "-Tit-Bits.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01
EXTREMES MEET.

The latest man and the tallest man
in the government met at Leavenworth
Yesterday when Secretary Taft was
dined by Congressman D. r. Anthony
Hutchinson News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01

| Supuroan Host 60 unexpected supper
guesp-Now then, Miss Hobson, will you
nave a little OF this rabbit pie or-er-or
| docking round and discovering there is no
| other dish)-or not?-The Taller.
WI, Why did you ten your husband that
| there would be three parts to the con-
| cert? There are only two"
Yes, l know. but he will be so pleased
| when II leaves on sooaer than h0 ex-
poets. '-Fliegende Batter.
Young Doctor (watching his only pa
\ tlent. his tailors son, go by the window
How that youngster does grow!
Servant (sarcastically)-Yes. our prac-
tfce is certainly getting bigger.-Tit-Bits.
Farmer (engaging new hand)-An right.
you can go and attend to the animals.
New Hand-That,s all right, sir: I've
had lot to do with observation-disclosures
Inquirer.
Jones--smith says that 1t is the hills
that make the echo.
Brown-So they do.
Jones-And here I've lived oil these
years thinking 1t was the holler.-Colum-
bus Press-Post
What's all this rejoicing about?"
You know Uncle Goshall Hemlock?"
He says the backbone OF spring IL
broken. w shington Herald.
Everybody has more or less trouble"
Yes" answered the observing woman.
''If a man can't find anything else to
worry him he goes to ball game and
gets mighty indignant at the umpire.
Father-My wife wanted to call the baby
Hans and 1 wanted him to be Fritz. but
at last we made a compromise
Friend-What did you call him?
Father-Hans.-Wiene Salonwitzbiatt.
Knicker-So Jones is between two fires7
Bocker-Yes. If he doesn't fish he is a
moIlycoddIe and II he does fish he is a
liar.-New York Sun.
Didn't I tell yer that Bill was too
why wot's e bin and done now?"
Hes gone and got run over by a
hearse. "-Tit-Bits.
Lady Cengaging new cool)-well. I sup
pose you can do clear soups and savories
and that sort of thing?
But I'm a Blue Ribbon: I'm puffickiy
sound i'll wind and limb. and amt got no.
body depending on me--Punch.
Miss withers-You are blushing. Coyali
What was that clumsy partner of yours
Miss Knisely-oh. nothing: only that be-
fore he met me life seemed desert to
Miss withers-That is no reason why
he should waltz like a dromedary, is IT,
Town and Country.
Visitor Ito artists young wife)-what-
ever were your two laughing over so just
Wife-oh, It was such fun My husband
painted and / cooked. and then we both
-Tatler.
That boy of Smiths who is just home
from college is a wonder.
In what way?"
Somebody asked him the other day
about the earliest and quickest way OF
settling the pressing problems of the
time, and he said he didn't know. "-Balti-
more American.
Wise-Poor Burroughs, he's worrying a.
great deal about debts
Newitt-Non-sensei You'll never catch
him worrying because he can't pay his
debts
Wise-He's not worrying tbout old debts
he can't pay, but about new ones he can {
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Press.
I'm so happy" said Mrs Oldcastle,
My son is TO get his bachelors degree
this year"
lis hep replied her hostess well. I
can't blame you for feelin' as you do
about It. I never thought much OF that
snippy Wilson girl he's been goin' with.
How did you get the match broken off2''
kT.n,~- =
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01
RESPECT THE UNIFORM.

jamestown exposition is in immin-
ent danger of losing one of it's chief
attractions and will suffer that loss IN
less proper respect is accorded the
uniform of the United States navy.
The warming sent by Secretary Metcalf
to Governor Swanson leaves no room
for doubt about the sentiment in the
navy department. Its justice, too, must
be conceded. Respect is due to the
uniform of the army and navy, and
should be accorded the wearers there
of until they prove by individual acts
to be unworthy. Then they may be
dealt with as in NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
Dispatch.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01
The WatchfuI Wife.

The agent stepped briskly up to Mr..
Howard's desk and laid a small article
down close to his busy right hand.
"I have here a new letter-opener,'
he said, "a handsome article, to be put
on the table in your library, and
ct have the best letter-opener and
the quickest" interrupted Mr.. How
ard, without turning his head.
How long have you had it?" per-
sisted the agent you know there
are constant improvem ents.'
There's no need for improving
mine" responded the writer. 1--WE
had her about two years-anniversary
comes next month."-Youth's Com
paniOn.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01

Lady (engaging new cook)-well. sup
pose you can do clear soups and sayories
and that sort of thing2
Cook--No, mum, l can't say as can.
But I'm a Blue Ribbon; I'm pufficlxly
sound i'll wind and limb, and amt got no
body depending on me.-Punch.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01

Knicker-So Jones is between two fires7
Bocker-Yes. If he doesn't fish he is a
mollycoddle and II he does fish he is a
liar.-New York Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01
They Don't SHUTTER.

did you ever see a woman who
stuttered?"
mo; now I come to think of it. 1
never did,
"They are very rare" said the physi-
clan. ''I think it is safe to say that
the average person passes through life
without ever meeting a suffering
woman.
There are two reasons for this:
First, woman naturally don't know
why's less liable to the disease of
stammering than man. Second. If she
develops this disease. she sets out with
determination to cure herself, and she
succeeds: whereas careless man, rath-
er than take the trouble of a cure. will
go stammering on to the end."-St
Louis Globe-Democrat.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01

Everybody has more or less trouble"
Yes" answered the observing woman.
''If man can't find anything else to
worry HIM he goes to a ball game and
gets highly indignant at the UMPIRE
Washington Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01

Father-My wife wanted to call the baby
Hans and 1 wanted him to be Fritz, but
at last we made a compromise.
F'riend-What did you call him?
Father-Hans.-Wien Salonwitzbiatt
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01

Miss Withers-You are blushing. Coyali
What was that clumsy partner of yours
saying?
Miss Knisely-Oh, nothing: only that be-
fore he met me life seemed desert to
Miss Wfthers-That is no reason why
he should waltz like dromedary, is it,
Town and Country.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01

What's all this rejoicing about?''
You know Uncle Goshall Hemlock?''
'Of course"
He says the backbone OF spring il
broken. '-Washingto Herald
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01
A Charity Worker.

A crowd of richly dressed women and
men were coming from the Charity Ball,
SAYS the Chicago Journal. It was a.
m A young woman stands at the outer
door. asking aims. A lady appears. at
tired in a white satin wrap. and quickly
enters her carriage.
would you be so kind as to give me
a trif1e?''
The lady pulls up the window I'm
possible, I have been dancing for you
the whole nightr'
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-01

Visitor Ito artists young wife)-What-
ever were your two laughing over so just
now?
Wife-Oh 1t was such fun! My husband
painted and / cooked, and then we both
guessed what the things were meant for
Taller.