The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1907-05-09
Now, what do you think of this for a

| the ambition OF the DarDerS at the
United States Senate to possess them
selves of a hair mattress made Of the
hirsute clippings of their dignified pa
irons seems likely soon to be realized
1t was a long time ago that these bar
| berS, it is alleged, entered into con-
| spiracy to have a little graft in common
| with the practise in other walks OF life,
! official and otherwise. They aimed
high-in fact, at the very heads of their
august cuStomers-and began at once
to save the hair clippings that were or
| dinarily gathered up and sent to the
| waste heap. Not only will they have a
useful article when they succeed in their
i purpose, but they will possess the most
unique hair mattress in the world. They
will be able to sell it, if they desire,
with a certificate, their signatures wit
messed by notary public, declaring
even the names of distinguished states
men who contributed to their hair graft.
| The BARRIERS since they determined
| upon this campaign for a Senatorial
hair mattress have naturally had their
| preferences for well-haired Senators,
and bald men have had little standing
with them. Various Halls of Fame have
| been erected and dedicated to men of
| high accomplishments, but it is doubt
full if any Hall of Fame ever included
more distinguished names than this
mattress of fame, the sole qualification
| of which has been a seat in the Senate
and a bunch of good hair. The BARRIERS
| were sorely disappointed that they did
not get another chance to trim Senator
| Spooner's hair, which was Haunted be-
fore them in an aggravating way every
time the little giant visited the barber
shop to be shaved, as was his custom
daily
! Hair cut, sir?'' the obsequious barber
would inquire.
| The Senator would thoughtfully shake
his head, and the hopes of the barber
would sink into his shoes.
| The BARRIERS have always liked Sena-
j tor Dick, and when they are let loose
with his hair with Instructions to use
their judgment" they will make it nee
eSsary for all the newspapers and mag
aZines of the country to lay in stock
of new photographs.
/ Senators Stewart and Senator PETER
are looked back upon by the BARRIERS as
relics of those good old times" the re-
turn of which is hoped for, but hardly
expected.
! In the event Of Secretary Loeb retfr-
ing from service under the President to
accept the Presidency of one of Wash
| ington's big street railroad companies,
or to enter any other private employ
l Lleul "ilIiii Tic HtAl yeah dS IL iio" AS-
| ported to be his purpose, 1t is believed
that he will be succeeded at the White
House by Frank H. Hitchcock, now
1 First Assistant PostmaSter-Generala and
| official headsman of the Administration
Mr.. Hitchcock, in temperament, habit
and looks, would make an ideal secre-
tary to the President He is alert, OF
pleasing address and close-mouthed, ye,
withal diplomatic in declining to give
inform finn in cuch a
not to offend. Moreover, Mr.. Hitch
cock has informed himself intimately OF
the details of National politics. first in
| his aSsociat ton with Mr.. Cortelyou in
the management of the last campaign;
second, in his position in the Post Office
Department, and, third, in his recent
| tour of the South on a political mission
| for the President, and his projected tour
of other parts of the country on like
mission. 1t is said that he would have
| followed Secretary Cortelyou to the
Treasury Department as an Assistant
4 Secretary had it not been for protests
from high quarters against that change
1t was contended that for numerous
reasons he could be of more value to
the Administration in his present posi-
ton than in a new one. and to this view
the President finally agreed. Mr.. Hitch
cock Is as expert a stenographer as Mr.
Loeb, SO that even on this score he
would be as serviceable to the President
as is the present secretary in the matter
of receiving confidential dictation.
i When in Vermont the other day Mr.
Bryan consented to get on the scales
and he was surprised to ascertain that
his weight is now 234A pounds. When
he entered the Presidential campaign
in 1896, the Nebraskan tipt the beam
at exactly 1855; Mr.. Bryan's age was
then 36. In II years, therefore, his
avoirdupois has Increased SO pounds
!, an average annual increase of only a
little more than six pounds. AprOpos
of this comparison Washington news
j paper man recalls q story that illus
trates the Democratic leaders saving
grace of humor-a quality of character
that not many people credit Mr.. Bryan
with possessing. Mr.. Bryan had jus,
arrived at the town of his birth, Salem
ILL.,, after his nomination at Chicago
Thither rusht an army of newspaper
men from all parts of the country to
, write about him. The one involved in
this story had received a telegram from
. his editor instructing MIN to ascertain
and wire Immediately Mr.. Bryan's hight
weight, size Of feet, the number of his
hat, etc. The correspondent turned over
to the nominee the editors telegram OF
, instructions. Mr.. Bryan read it's con.
teHlS SlViHB the desired lnIOrma.
ton seriatim. When he reached the
question as to the size of his hat, hi
smiled and inquired:
Does your editor mean before OIL
. after?"
j For the first time in many off year.
!, in politics, Senator Lodge will not &c
to Europe this Summer. Instead, he
) will occupy his baronial castle at Ma
|, hant, where he can be In easy reach Of
| his friend, the President. There are
many things the Senator wants to lool
!, after at home this year, not the leas
3 OF which is the Brownsville investiga.
r ton, still pending before the Senate
Committee on Military Affairs Of which
: the Massachusetts statesman is a mem.
: Der. Then, too, the question Of the sue.
cessioG mas not been fully settled, owing
to circumstances over which the Presi
r dent and his friends have not as We
e complete control, and so Senator Lodge
$ of course, naturally desires to remair
3 hard by and give counsel and advice OIL
E this interesting matter. He will return
! to Washington as soon as the Militar,
Affairs Committee resumes its investiga
| ton of the Brownsville affair, and will
e spend good deal of time at Oyster Ba!
2 this Summer,
= The rumor of President ROOSEVELT
intention to go to Europe as soon as hi
e term expires calls attention to the fac
that he will have no difficulty in con
p yerSing in the lanpuapa NJ paa rIy aya =,