Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-01-19
A WELCOME GUEST.
Requires Thought and Tact to Fill
the Part

Every one knows that to be a successful
| hostess making ones visitors have good
| time and be at ease, is a talent, but am
| quite sure that to be a successful guest
| qures more tact and art There are pain
fully few persons whose departure is re
| GREETED from the houses in which they have
| been visiting, and ii is all because the
stranger within the gate has taxed either
the nerves resources, pocketbook or pa
tience, and, alas, sometimes all of these.
The visitor has not done it purposely. of
course. but simply througA stupidity. selfish
| ness thoughtlessness. Whichever the
cause. If she wishes to be popular among
her friends at distance she will do well to
| remedy the fault. else they will ask her only
| at such times as they must not to have Ill
| feeling.
To be a perfect guest 1 should say con-
sists in putting ones self thoroughly In
| touch with the habits of the household. con-
! forming to the hours and ways, adding to
! the pleasure Of the household by being
agreeable and appreclative and at the same
time not making ones self too much a
| member Of the family This is the error
| that guests who don't wish Ito be a bit of
trouble" are likely to fall Into. and 1t is
| quite as bad as upsetting the machinery in
another way by not doing ones share.
There is decidedly such a thing as being too
informal for guest. going into rooms where
the hostess would prefer one did not, and by
being constantly in evidence, knowing too
much Of the ways and means of managing.
Every housekeeper has at least few reser-
way she runs her house. and if a guest in a
most friendly desire ito help insists upon
always following around during the morn
ing hours or asking questions her hostess
must either tell more than she wishes or
else be rude in refusing. guest who puts
a hostess in such a position fails utterly in
the part OF visiting.
If one is staying in a house where lc
servants are few and the mistress Goes
some small tasks herself, it does not at all
follow that guest is a succe. as such and
helpful in insisting upon busting her own
room or making the bed, for example. That
a guest does any work at all may outrage
all the ideas of hospitality of some host
esses. and, if this is so, 1t is obviously silly
for the visitor to offend her friend by max
ing herself useful
Under such circumstances the visitor
would better retire to the sitting room with
a book to write letters and leave her
friend to her own way of doing until things
are started for the day. On the other hand,
some hostesses are quite willing that
guest, especially If the visit Is to be long
one shall get quite into the family life by
taking up certain small tasks, and in that
case the visitor should do what she is per
mitted. offering her services simply and
frankly. II the stranger is tactful and OBJ
serving she may find without asking GER
tain small things to be done, and then ask
II she may do them.
1t is because hostesses differ radically in
their ideas of entertaining that it is i'm
possible to lay down fixed rules OF what TO
do when one Is visiting. One can only gen.
eralize by saying watch to see what Is
wanted of you and then try to do 1t. You
are apt to know whether or not you are
successful by the frequency with which in
vitations to stay in other peoples houses
come in.
Puactuality at meals is one of the requ.-
sites OF being successful guest In houses
where the servants limited to two.
even one hardness In serving meals will up
set the whole domestic machinery and make
all hard for mistress and maids. If a Wis
itor doesn't like to have an early break
fast, for instance, and her hostess has the
first meal served at 1870 the guest must be
willing to be ready for 1t or she should give
up visiting in that house. In other words.
If one is not willing to do as the hostess she
should cut that house from her list in which
to stay. 1t is grossly unfair and a tact
criticism not to do the others in it.
There is decidedly such a thing over
entertaining well doing too little OF
1t. and it is a fault to which both g;-est and
hostess are prone. Each. IN the desire to
give the other pleasure, too often leaves no
time for privacy that each person always
needs at times, and at the end of q visit
both guest and hostess are worn out by IL.
A guest should never forget that a hostess
will have many small matters pertaining To
housekeeping and the like to look after and
should see that she relieves the housekeeper
of responsibility of her presence for time
that they may be looked after. On the
other hand the hostess is to recollect that
the guest will have letters to write. triflng
mendng to do, or will have found a book
she would like to run through, and in her
desire to give her friend good time the
housekeeper should not absorb her time So
that the other has no chance for any OF
these. Fiatly each should have a little
while to themselves every day.
Making ones guest financial extrava-
gance is a fault OF American hostesses. For
fear that the visitor will not be sufficiently
entertained more money is spent in theaters.
iuncheons and dinners than the family purse
afford without economizing in another
direction. and on the departure Of the friend
the family subsist upon plain fare and sim
pie living until they have made UP the pre-
vious expenditure.
This, in my opinion is contrary to the
ethics of hospitality. which should be 10
make friends welcome within the home,
giving and receiving such pleasure that de
parture is a cause of regret on both sides