The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1907-11-10
Maria'S Midnight Lectures.
LECTURE NO. 10.


! can't see any mJney-on which they've
left of The words In God We Trust"
and tie Christian societies are complain
ing and want the words put back on.
I never did hold with the mixing OF
money with religion, anyway. BY the
by. I see that the telegraphers' strike
is called of. ! hardly knew 1t was on.
did you. job? Mrs. higgins was telling
me she sent a telegraph 20 her husband
IN Philadelphia last week and it got &c
him IN about twenty-five hours. That's
about their usual time. so If there was
4 strike l don't see that II affected the
companies much You always could get
a telegram to New York almost as quick
as letter
There's some scientlst-not Dr. Wiley
says that man can't live on onions
alone. ! should think not; leastways
shouldn't want you 20 try IL. Job. I
wish. as a matter OF fact, that when
YOU go TO those free-lunch counters
you'd leave the onions alone entirely.
They only make you sleepy SOS you
can't talk 70 me when you come home
Do you ever read those nice articles by
Beatrice Fairfax. ! was reading one
in which she advises girls never 10
marry just 20 reform a man. call
that sensible advice. 1 know that mar
riage hasn't reformed you much. Job,
though heaven knows I've been patient
enough with YOU I tell you what, be-
tween the two VS., whisky ard women.
the men'l take the whisky every time!
And when they throw in free lunch the
handicap's all the stronger; that's the
reason there's so many old maids. I'm
glad TO see that Al the elections the
temperance votes growing What this
country needs is to take the fee away
for marriage licenses and put IL on
heavier Tor liquor licenses: then there
won't be so much talk O. race suicide.
Are you in on this demonstration that
labOr's getting up IN Washington, Job?
suppose you will be. anything that1l
give you a chance for another holiday
1 suppose that means you'll spend the
day spending money instead Of making
some. Well. you needn't come and try
and borrow from me. haven't paid
for little Haley's shoes yet. see there
was lecture advertised on The
problem OF the imperfect" I do wish
you'd have gone. Job; YOU might have
found out what was the matter with
yourself Some one ought to tel you.
l can't
was so tickled 20 read the other day
that some one has discovered that the
prettiest women are the stupidist I
you know that. and no one ever called
me pretty. Why. when you was a.
counting me. the best you could find to
praise about me was my good sense.
and I know that constant association
with YOU hasn't made me any better
looking It's fine 10 know that there
are some cOmpensations in this world.
and even II have got a mole on nv
cheek. this scientist man proves % you
that I've got some brains in my head
OF course. Job. give you credit for
one thing. and that IS these improving
talks O yours on Saturday night have
helped me a lot. I understand things
50 much better now
Say, Job, did you see where a negro
was arrested down South for killing
dogs and selling them 70 people for
mutton? Isn't it dreadful? III never
be able 20 est spring lamb and mint
sauce again, don't see how people
could have mistaken IL unless II was
a shepherd dog he killed.
Isn't it funny how life gets more
dangerous all the while. Job We've 40
sooner used 10 lodging automobiles
than here We find a new difficulty IN
having 20 dodge the sandbags that
people drop from balloons and airships.
Sometimes. YOU know. they get IN a
hurry and forget 20 cut the bag before
they throw the sand out. and a bag
dropping from a mile or I'D in the air
is likely TO hurt any one. ! don't see
why they can, use water for ballast,
and just turn on the faucet and let Il
run out. That way they might irrigate
the country as they 90 along That
would make ballOoning a popular. sport
in Arizona They might offer bonuses
for the balloons dropping the most
water Say. wasn't that fine about
Heinze's sOn-the pickle man. YOU know
marrying a poor nurse who nursed
him while he was sick. That IS. she
nursed him all right. She wasn't a
poor nurse-she was a good nurse. but
she was poor. and so he married her.
When I was a girl always had an
ambition 70 be a Florence Nightingale.
but I don't suppose any mfllionaires'd
have got sick II I had been. do you?
Job, Please don't 60 10 sleep yet
Look here. dear, I haven't told you any
Of the foreign news yet I want 20
know II you think It's true that the
Chinese Emperor is getting feeble
minded as they say he Is. I guess he's
never been very strong since the Dow
ager got hold OF him. And they say
the Kaiser's sick. too. and won't be
able 70 go over to England. over in
Japan the Mikado IS said 10 be not
very well. but guess that's because he
had too much birthday celebration re-
Gently. He's fifty years old. you know.
I wonder If Mr.. Taft was invited TO the
birthday dinner. I see that as soon as
Mr.. Taft heard about the election in
Cleveland he told the FilipinOs that he
was coming back 10 the Philippines in
two years as a private citlzen-looks
like he was giving up hope. doesn't IT.
What that-little Haley calling. Job!
Get up and go and see what's the
matter! job, Are you asleep already.
Laws, I wish I could sleep like that,
Now, Emily, you needn't chime in. Your
fathers asleep and won't come to you.
and my rheumatic is so bad, A drink
Of water? The soap has made you
thirsty. Well now. Emily. get up and
get it yourself. I can't find my slippers,