Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-07
DOLLAR DIALOGUE
THOSE Dolly Dialogues make agree
able reading because the people who
Z figure in them own something, live

easy, and can afford to CAB just to
while away the time But the folks who
participate in the Dollar Dialogues are
just stalling along on little or nothing. so
that they are bound to be more or less
acidulous. Here. for example, is sea-
sonable Dollar Dialogue:
She-"They're showing the new fall
tailor suits in the windows, and they're
perfectly bee-you-ti-ful!''
chance to glide by before you begin to fan
along this continuously performance boost
OF yours for new toys, hey?"
She-'Well, 1 guess I can open my
mouth. can't I? I'm not asking for any
thtng-grand chance I'd have to get it II
did. I'm only mentioning that the new
things are being shown"
He-"Ye-eh. But it's the opening gun
all right enough. I'm Jerry to all that
wistful stuff Presently you'll begin to
look sad and sweet when you mention the
new buds. and after that you'll be climbing
up 70 the attic and stalking yourself to q
good cry about the rags You can't get, so
that when I show up you can flash red
nose and swollen eyes on me- and then,
when l ask you what ails you. you can
burst Into the glub-glub weeps again, and
she-"I should think you'd be ashamed
to talk to me in that horrid, brutal way
when you know very well that 1 never
have rag to my back, and that, in COM
1 am all but naked, and"
He-"Hello, Lady Godiva.'
She-"All right. you heartless thing, go
right ahead and ridicule me, but there'll
come time when-"
He-'Tremolo music on the E string,
with the mute on the fiddle-out-in-the-
snow. WOODY stuff-After I'm Dead and
Gone gag"
. $ sh e. VARY well. go right, on and
know that my whole life is one sacrifice
for you and when you-'
He-Sacrfice. Oho!. Fine! And what's
my life, when you swing into that line Of
stun? 1 s'pose I'm having a regular Coal
OIL Johnny kind Of time all the time,
Ell? Sacrifice, hey? Well, wonder what
I'm lamming around for. smoking punk
off the open cars for burning smudges in
public. and what am l.
She-"Qh that's all that you brutes Of
men think about. smoking and drinking
and gambling, and I'd be ashamed to"
He--'Ye-eh, I'm the sad dog of a
gambling pluneer all right. I sure am.
Did a wild and fatuous piece Of plunging
the other day when 1 shucked off a whole
on the outcome Of the Futurity. and"
She-'You men only think, about things
that you have no right at all to have, and
that do you nothing but harm. while an
unfortunate wife, that's been used to some
thing before her marriage. has to put up
with"
He,"Wel1. now, far be it from me to
make one of those phony Wellman starts
from the place known as Hammerfest,
but, as long as you've nudged in with that
Old crack about all that you We're used to
before you married and all like that, I'm
bound to mooch up to the firing line and
particularly shiny or resonant temple
gonss on you at that interesting stage of
your life. and IL you ever succeeded. at
that time. in setting the Potomac on fire
why, l must have been rusticating out at
Rockville At the time. for didn't see the
aqueous connagration and. say. If you--'
She-'That's characteristic Of you. Go
right ahead and abuse my people and call
them all Of the mean names you can lay
your tongue to. and If"
He-"Say. wait a minute. Wait, Put
reef in that stuff. will you? Who the
dickens has said word about your peo-
She-"Oh. you're too mean and cunning
to mention them by NAME but you just
attack them. by contemplate, underhand
considering poor papa's Income, I was one
of the best-dressed girls in Washington.
so was, before married you, and 1t was
the sad day for me. deed it was. when I
turned a deaf ear to what mamma"
He" Turned deaf ear hey? Say,
you don't want to let that Jawra Lean
Jibbey habit grow on you, you know. First
thing you know you'll be turning on your
HNcA dHu uioNii8 youiStll up 70 your
full height and exclaiming. I have the
blood of the Darrells in me" and telling
EN- to 'unhand muh' and"
she-"Oh, go right ahead: am becoming
used to it. You are becoming more vulgar
and coarse every day of your life. only you
can't see it. and you must mix with a nice
crowd Of associates downtown. l do think,
to use such vile. slangy language in your
own home in addressing your wife, and
l.
He-"Ye-eh, I'm downtown so much. I've
got such fat chance to mix with anybody
downtown, haven't l. when my shoemaker's
bank roll makes noise like a creaky coal
wagon every time 1 dip into 1t for a nickel
to pay my car fare home from the office,
and. say, If you-'
She-"Huh You're lucky to have car
fare. That's more than have. or as much,
anyway. Yesterday. when I was downtown
with Mrs Copitt, I was mortified almost to
death when I couldn't invite her to luncheon
with me at the Fall River House. where
she was doing her shopping and
He-"Mortiffed. were you? Well, say.
you'd look fine and make hit with your
self, wouldn't you. buying two or three dol
lars worth OF luncheon grub for that Cop
5000 or $4,000 a year Just as easy as
grabbing fox grapes of the vine, and she
nails the most Of 1t, at that, for he's one of
these mollusky mugs with bamboo In the
place Of q spine that comes a-runnin' every
time she snaps her fingers, and II I were
a lob like that"
She-"And only this forenoon Mrs. Stick
emupsky came around to ask me to buy a
ticket for a moonlight excursion to be given
by her guild for the benefit Of the Fam
besiland Mission, and didn't have q cent,
and had to tell her that I didn't have a
thing in the house but $50 bill, and then
the horrid creature grinned at me and told
me that she could change the twenty and
would be glad to change 1t, and then had
to shuttle around and pretend that I
couldn't find the bill. and it was the most
sickening thing imaginable to have the mis-
cradle. gloaty old thing sit there grinning
at me, for she knew perfectly we'll. of
course, that 1 didn't have the half dollar to
buy the ticket with, and I never felt
He-"Yes, It's cruel, 1 know, that you
can't hand out four bits to every old bowse
that trudg es in and tries to stick you up
for 1t. but if"
She-"That just shows how common and
vulgar you are becoming when you apply
such terms to a perfectly sweet and lovely
woman like Mrs. Stickemupsky-
Henley, walt a minute again! Didn't
you just get through calling her horrid
creature and miserable, gloaty old thing,
and"
She-"Why, how dare you say such
thing. How can you sit there and DELHI
erately tell such awful ones? You ought to
be ashamed of yourself to say that I'd APP
ply such terms to such perfectly dear old
thing as Mrs.
He-"Oh. you didn't call her a horrid