davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.
[From the Philadelphia Record. ]

From the Philadelphia Record.1
Badly rattled-dice that lose.
Does a lawn dress make a laun-
dress?
He who has evil thoughts should
change his mind.
Goes to the front-the bald-headed
man at the burlesque show.
Some BARRIERS are naturally SLOW
shavers, and some stutter.
A song doesn't become popular un-
til every body is tired of it.
A frightened soldier may throw away
his arms, but he keeps his legs to run
with.
The male cashier is a counter, but
the lady cashier is not necessarily a
countess.
Some people are so constituted that
think of them.
'1'll have to look into this" remark
ed the vain woman when she saw the
mirror.
wigg-"Did Closehst take ether when
he had the operation performed2 p
Wagg-"No; but 1 am told he did when
he paid the doctors bill"
Nell-'Ts Maud's fiance very care
fuI?" Belle-"Careful is no-name for it.
Before he hugs her he always removes
the cigars from his vest pocket"
First Actor-"I have been told the
audience threw rotten eggs at you"
Second Actor-"A malicious canard.
The eggs were strictly fresh"
Man wants but little here below"
quoted the Wise Guy. Yes, a little
above the ordinary added the Sim
pie Mug.
81 fear shall never become famous"
sighed the poet. But the public may
yet come to appreciate your poetry"
comforted his wife. "Oh, it isn't that
said the poet; II was thinking about
how hate to sit for a photograph
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

nish a $500 peace bond. Any of his
neighbors would sign the peace bond,
but the man drinks, and they are
afraid he will fill up some day and
forfeit the bond. The man is an ex-
ceIlent mechanic, when sober, and a
good fellow, but whisky has him
down. This man probably began
drinking when young, because he
thought it smart. Whisky drinking
isn't smart; it is the biggest fool trick
in the world. If boys can get rid Of
the fool notion that whisky drinking
is smart, the temperance question will
be solved.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13
ERON OTHER PENS
WORLD GROWING SANE.

In spite of the 6isinclination of GER
tain European powers to discuss the
question at all it begins to look as If
limitation of ornaments would be the
most important topic considered at the
approaching worlds peace conference.
OF course, no one expects that the con-
ference will take any positive action
looking toward the limitation of arma-
ment, though it is not in The least I'M
likely that Great Britain through her
premier, Sir Henry Campbell Banner
man, will make a definite offer to give
up building one of the six new Dread
naughts now ordered in return for the
abandonment of one such warship by
France, Germany and the other great
powers. The millions consumed in
building these monster warships, which
in less than generation will be sent
to the scrap heap, are pressing heavily
upon the working classes all through
Europe. The world is slowly coming to
a saner and more sensible standard
Minneapolis Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
IFrom the New York Pr

Most of the fun to a girl about be-
ing kissed is pretending she wasn't.
1t takes a very thorough education
to deprive some people of their natural
sense.
A woman has. two unceasing ambi-
grandmother.
Either you hate your relatives for
having money or you despise them for
not having 1t.
When a girl goes to the .theater
she keeps thinking of the ice cream
soda she is going to have afterward,
or when she is having it she keeps
thinking of the eyes Of the hero.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13
LAYKxwKER JOTS

This is the time of year the hail in
surance agent makes hay while the
sun shines.
Congressman Scott has been cap
tured by the Concordia high school
for the address to it's graduating class
this year.
In addition to becoming metropoli-
tan in other respects, Norton is buy
ing a number of automobiles this
| spring.
Although Garden City is a great ir,
rigation town, it proposes to have
lecture on dry farming by its inventor
H. w. Campbell.
The family of Banker Bailey over
at Atchison uses all the cream it wants
and makes over a pound of butter a
day from one COW.
The Geary county commissioners
have bought new lawnmower for the
court house IaWn-one on which the
janltor can ride. There's style for
you.
Neosho county claims fame because
it owns sister of the highest priced
Poland China sow'in the world. The
high priced hog recently brought
81, 1000 in Illinois.
Osborne will lay the cornerstone Of
its new court house in August and it
expects to hold a celebration then that
will make the Seventeenth of Downs"
look like two bits and a nickel.
The Courier was on the winning
side in the Stafford city election and
was so happy it printed a cut of both
a rooster and a hen, as an inti-
nation that the women were on its
side too.
Cottonwood Falls believes it has the
busiest man in the state, and in order
to tighten his burdens 1t elected him
mayor last week. R. o. Miner is the
and elevator, treasurer of the city
school board, superintendent of a Sun
day school, trustee of a church, SEN
ior warden of the Masonic lodge, band
master, and mayor of the city. Be-
sides this he is a farmer and stock
man. and, incidentally, finds time to
help other people occasionally.
w. E. Blackburn, editor of the An
thony Republican, is quite a horticul-
turist. He says: 1.-THE writer grew
two thousand apple trees near An
thony last year. They are of the stand
ard sort and are the finest yearling
trees he ever saw. They will average
near four feet tall. with abundant roots
and straight. smooth growth that is
better than the best nursery stock sent
at the top prices charged by eastern
nurseries. but will plant the best of
them and reset the smaller ones for
another years growth
Protest from Conner Davies of Con-
cordia, who has a wooden leg: "The
town has been infested lately with q
bunch of beggars. One young fellow.
big enough and strong enough to hold
a breaking pillow on patch of hazel
brush stubble. asked for cash simply
on the ground that he was a deaf mute.
What is to stop a deaf mute from
working and earning his own living?
Another young man struck this Of
flee for help and all that was the mat
ter with him was that he had a leg
cut off below the knee. What's to stop
him from earning living at a score
of different honorable avocations? The
boys in the back end of this printing
shack always enjoy the fun when a
one-legged beFgar comes in the front
door to strike the old man for a con-
tribution."
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13
THE PRESENT CRAzE.

Tell me, doctor, tell me truly,
Tell me plainly, 1 beseech,
Are my eyeballs all unruly?
Do 1 stutter in my speech?
Are my facial muscles jerking?
Is my vision but a glare?
Are nay ganglia overwofking?
Is there wildness in the air?
Is my wording disconnected?
Are my sentiments abStruse?
Are my thumbs at all defiectedE
Ain I given to abuse?
Am foolish in my actions?
Is there weakness in my knees!
Am /, subject to distractions?
Do I know my A B C's?
Tell me, doctor, tell me quickly,
AS the chills go up my back,
Am Just a little sickly,
Or para-no-i-ac?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

While $4,000 is large sum to be
raised by donations in a short time,
especially after Topeka has already
contributed largely in aid of other
worthy institutions lately. it seems like
a calamity If the chance to secure a
$4,000 charitable hospital. to be oper-
ated by the Sisters of Charity, fails
because of the lack of this sum.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

Here is a California estimate Of At
torney Delmas' oratoricaI ability
from the Los Angeles Times: Sweet
s. his voice as the song of the hooking
bird in nesting time. When he speaks
they that listen. away yonder by the
sunrise ocean, shall think on sunlit
skies and poppy fields afiame. and
they shall hear the sigh of sea winds
whispering on Aeolian strings through
the Gates of Cold
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

Governor Hoch has designated April
10 as Arbor Day. That doesn't mean,
however, that you must wait until
April 19 to clean up your yard and set
out trees and shrubbery.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

The thing that viii be hardest for
Fred Dumont Smith to explain TO his
shortgrass constituents IS this story
that he paid $50 for keeping a bull
terrier at a heightened Topeka hotel
during the legislature. Western Kan
sas may stand for monocles and dove
colored spats. but the idea Of paying a
$50 hotel bill for dog is liable to
make western Kansas snort.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

Now we shall see if a little band Of
square dealers In session at Lawrence
can set the prairies on fire. The buff
faio grass is certainly dry enough for
the match, politically speaking.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

So many presidential lightning rods
are up that the lightning is going to
have trouble getting around and hit
ting only one Of them
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

Incidentally those United States
senator's on whom Mr.. Hartman has
strings and who want to stand by the
president, may find themselves greatly
embarrassed If they do not promptly
cut the strings.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

The verdict-or rather. the lack of
one-indicates that oratorical honors
were pretty evenly divided between
Delmas and Jerome.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

Job said, "Oh. that mine enemy had
written book" In these days let
ter does just as well. provided it gets
into the newspapers.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13
KANSAS COMMENT
PRISON MATERIAL.

b. AcseeHoAysE a young man SloOu on
the platform of the depot holding a
grip In one8hand and uttering impre-
cations against the whole Missouri Pa
cine system because the train was late.
he was going away he said and he
talked in a loud tone so that every
one could hear him. Neodesha was
TOO SLOW; he wanted to live in town
where man could get all the booze
ne, wanted at any time and. where
tnere was something doing. Work
es, there was plenty of work, but not
the kind he wanted He had a trade
and before he would work at anything
else he wouldeffog it," He had been
working here for awhile he said,- but
MS boss was cranky and his last
cneck was short. The boys he worked
with were dummies" because they
would not quit when he did. He had
notnlng good to say of any one or any
thing and he held a cigarette in one
corner of fiia mouth while a string of
profanity came from the other. Who
ne is, how long he has, been, here and
where he was going we. do not know.
It Is enoughsto know that he is gone.
surely no one felt sorry when he went
away, for If heels better off to go, how
much better Oft is the town for his go
ing. A fellow IKE that is travesty on
nature and the sooner he packs his
night shirt an dssilentfy steals away the
happier We win be-. provided he does
mt steal anything else before he goes.
Sum-
YOAKUM'S VIEWS.
: b: r. Yoakum, chairman of the
Rock Island system, in newspaper
interview said that railroad had no
more business to be at the mercy of
STOCK 5obberE than savings bank or
a life insurance company, and that
American railroads should be as much
a public trust as those institutions. He
SAID the people were not without, JUS.
tlhcat1on in their belief that the rail-
roads had been Systematically robbing
them, and that no one was to blame
for the present antirailroad sentiment
but the managers themselves. In his
opinion, no lasting damage would be
done at the present outbreak. Mr..
Yoakum takes a Verv sensible view of
ayers will see matters as clearly and
act accordingly the troubles of the
railroads will mostly be at an end
Miami Republican,
BACK TO THE SQUARE DEAL.
After all that is said on the subject
or the popuar distrust of big enter
prises, and the disastrous effects of
this DISTRICT generally, the whole prob
lem can be solved on the plain basis of
the square deal.' 1t is because the
people think-and with ground, if not
proof, of the suspicion-that the big
enterprises are not dealing fairly with
them; that they are showing the dis
trust which is having such bad prac
teal results A man or enterprise
with the popular backing can work
wonders, but we all know what the
shrewdest of Americans said about
trying a permanent fooling of the
lean. r9
f4fsE -
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

Skid6inklo fer der phony chocolate
cake. DIR. Crumbine hat discofered dot
id iss compositioEed uf oxide uf IRON
chalk. red paindt und so fort. Goot fer
der dokter. 1 refer eadt chocolate
cake, but my dog, der lopster, ISIS liza
pie to eadt anything.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

You were shivering around yester-
day and wishing summer would come,
yet away back in March you were
kicking about the heat and wondering
why It IS ever necessary to be 90 IN
fana sfada
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

I'D looks suspiciously like der Stand
ard had some chips in i'd" says a re-
sendt EDITORIAL, speaking uf der Tuck
er oil case. Dis ISIS anoder cheabp
slam ad der saindtful Chon D.. und We
know der sensible pooblic will bay no
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

If the car really Indicates, won't
he have to stand trial for running
away? His generals have been court
nartiale5 for less.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

It is reported that frost has injured
the apple crop, but nobody has ye
killed of the peaches.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

Mr.. Fairbanks. says his candidacy
for president is in response to the voice
of the people. Must be he mistook the
sound.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

In Moo York dey hat to cltrolleycoot
der prisoner. but dey can sdill hang
chury. Trooly. modern methods iss
slow i'll reaching some situations.
Chusd now a larche reading public ISIS
Wishing dey could electrolleycoot der
ThaW chury.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

= Abe Ruef's attorney is sick@ The
whole outfit will be that way by the
time Heney and Langdon get through
with them.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13
WHAT9 fFARRIMAN DID.

AS we understand it, Mr. Hartman
kicked the hat not knowing that there
was a brick under it.-Lawrence
World. ti
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

Ambassador Brice says he considers
Chicago one of the most beautiful
cities on our map. He ought to look
at our map again.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

What lucky thing it IS for Foraker
that the president is not scheduled to
stop in Ohio on his coming trip west!
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

It must be that April is trying to
even things UP with March by being
the coolest April on record
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

This frosty weather may have beer
caused by what Mr.. Hartman has
been getting.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

And the worst of It is, we win have
20 90 through this Thaw testimony al
over again.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

We gadder dot der chury hadt al
mosG es much trooble init der Thav
incidence es der Topeka hjgh-muck'
did in finding q egscoos to can a loot
uf competendt policemen.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

Here is a temperance lecture from
the Atchison Globe: There is q man
In jail at Troy because he cannot fur
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

Isn't It about time Senator Fftzpat
rick was climbing into the Taft BAN
wagon?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

dit you" asks Gus Gobblestein-
hauser, ''hear Hsrrilarrimer, der gread
scholar, gazing oudt der words ad der
splitting match, allreatty? l vas dere,
und l heard him choos hiss words"
Sure yes" sayss Gus. You are
dead right He chews hiss words"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

Senator Penrose's idea OF Joke is
even funnier than Tillman's.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

Now the Jury can ind out what the
crowd thinks about It.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

Who is greatest in the Kingdom o
TRUSTS, Hartman or Rockefeller?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13
A THEORY

When Mr.. Willis Moore of the wealth
er bureau asserted that Kansas would
have its dry spells again, he was prob
ably forecastffg the election results
this spring.-Saiina Journal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13
A TRAGEDY.

az have lost heavily and there is no
use in my trying to hold OUT This was
a woman in Dorchester, who then hung
up the receiver and went to her bed
room and shot herself. 1t has been "a
rich mans panic" some say. 1t is a
street. But while the big railroad Jug
glers are working their schemes and
the bulls and bears of the exchange
are rioting in reciprocal slaughter ruin
Is brought home to smaller people, and
eide, as did this woman in Dorchester.
it is because they have the greater
courage or the stronger conscience to
live and face it. There is misery wide
spread in the RACES of the stock mar
ket.-Boston Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13
IDEAL

1.-The ideal street car system" says
Tom johnson, lis the one that charges
no fare" And the ideal grocer is the
one who gives his goods away.-Wash-
ington Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13
lcoNcEALED.

Pittsburg prnbRblywili claim that sew
eral of Its righteous ones couldn't be
found because of the smoke.-Chicago
Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

addention to id. But.-vaidt voncel
Vot vas dot Chon D. Said aboudt der
crime uf consolidated Wealth. Ber-
haps he did spring dis Won on Mr..
Tucker, chLsd to keebp him from der
temptation to corner too much cash.
fer hiss own goot. uf course.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

II hadt commence to egspect," 1
sayss al my frindt Gus Gobblestein-
hauser, dot Delmas vas going to clear
Harry uud ad der same dime convict
Evelyn's mamma"
I'D would peen no yoos," ansers Gus,
sourdonicuselessly, "pacus electrolley-
cooticn iss der sydem in Moo York
und dot woman ISIS certainly non
conductorino. Nodings would shock
her."
dot iss goot consumption. sure"
sayss der gas man ven kick aboudt
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

Won might also gadder dot aldough
der 'rhaw chury could nod reach YER
dict. der Moo York taxpayers, vich iss
putting oop fer dis lik fiddle monkey
loole bitzness, haf reached a verdict,
all right, all right Der postal regula-
lions will nodt be:midt me to gif full
text uf vot 1 tink does taxpayers YER
or tee
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13
A sATURDAY sERMoN.

He that hasteth to be rich hath an evil
eye, and considereth not that poverty
shall come upon him.-Proverbs % ~.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13
wARsHIP CONSTRUCTION.

If the wise pilots Of foreign sea pow
ers may serve as guides. philosophers
and friends, the construction of our
warships should be assigned equally to
navy yards and to private establish
ments. This spells economy, .ninimizes
waste and multiplies agencies of ma
tional defense. Such a policy will, for
example, email BILE the government to have
always at it's command officers and men
skilled through uninterrupted employ
ment in the theory and practice of a
difficult art. 1t will furnish, moreover,
needful standards of time and cost for
estimating the bids of contractors and
enable navy yards, notably in war, to
go forward speedily and with accumu
lated experience on the urgent repairs
of fighting units=New York Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13
AND PAYING WHEN NEED BE.

Presumably the advocates of central
ization will still leave to the states such
functions as Offering reward for the
return of kidnapped children.-New York
Post. -.-.'
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-13

Uf course 1 dondt know fer sure.
budt 1 suspection dot ledder vich OK
pIosioned und blew der finger OUT uf a
St. Louis posdoffc clerk. vas Won uf
Misder Roosenfedt's courteous replies
TO Misder Hartman.
Omaha daily bee., 1907-02-15
KNOX ON THE SMooT CASE
Former Attorney General of United
states Applies Law ms
He Sees H..

WASHINGTON, Feb. Ex-senator Knox
today addressed abe senate in opposition to
the resolution reported from the committee
on privileges and elections, that Reed
Smoot is not entitled to a seat as a sena-
tor Of the United States from Utah." He
was accorded the closest attention, be-
cause of his discussion of the legal ques-
tons involved on the point of expulsion,
which would require two-thirds of the sem
ate, or exclusion, requiring only majority
of the votes. He contended that nothing
less than two-thirds of the entire member
ship of the senate could unseat the Utah
senator. N
Mr.. Knox asked: Should the senate ex-
pei Senator Smoot, and why?" and an
swered his own question, saying:
He should not be expelled for believing
In the Mormon religion. The irrevocable
ordinance expressly, and with Mormonism
the state Of Utah. He should not be ex-
PEELED for being member or officer OF the
should not be expelled for the vindication
of Utahs law, violated by certain Nor
mons continuing polygamous relations with
Senator Shoots consent or approval sup
posing that he did consent or approve; for
Utah, without being ignorant of the facts,
elected him and the senate would not be
Justified in going out of its way to enforce
respect for the formally expressed will of
Utah embodied in its law against polyga-
nous T6ldllOnS Dy ucIedllnB It's ldRtI "a
pressed will, shown in its electing Smoot.
The speaker declared that there is no
federal law against polygamy or polyg-
amous cohabitation applicable to Utah, now
that Utah is a state. and that when 1t was
admitted to the union of states II was
known that there would and could be none.
He declared that It Is not in the power
OF the senate to regulate action Of the
states. Subject to the limitations imposed
by the constitution. said Mr.. Knox, the
states are left untrammeled in their right
to choose their senators. He recited the
fact that the constitution enables the SEN
ate to protect itself against improper char
acters by expeling them by a two-thirds
vote II they are guilty OF crime, offensive
immortality disloyalty or gross impro-
priety during their term OF service. He
specified these reasons. he said, because he
could not imagine the senate expelling a
member for a cause not falling within one
of them. Continuing, he said: