The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1907-12-28

globe. You know what the peanut is.
Of coursep
"Yep."
"They are eaten baked, and they are
eaten raw. They are eaten on the
street and in the house. They are eat
en- at ward caucuses and at marriages
and funerals. Doctors have always
said they were good thing but how
good no one knew until compounded
tonic of them. My dear sir, can
prove to you that one bottle of the ton
ic has the same nutrition as a whole
carcass of fresh beef"
Gee whiz"
at strengthens more than barrel Of
wine."
"By thunderv'
at will make man or woman put on
five pounds Of fat per week."
"You don't sayw
"The doctors and the hospitals will
throw aside every other tonic and ac-
cept mine. What does Lillian Russell
say? She weighed 1S5 pounds before
taking the peanut tonic and was sup
posed to be going into decline. In
two weeks she weighed 210 pounds
and was looking around for the AK to
chop wood. What has kept the two
senators from New York state alive for
the last month? What has braced Sen
ator Foraker up anew? Why has the
czar of Russia ceased to talk of resign
t,,e to, thn trt rct
trembling i'm its shoes? tell you, sir,
we have the grandest thing on the face
Of this green EARTH and IL you don't
make S10.O00,O00 out Of 1t In three
years I'll be disappointed in you. AS
I said, want you for treasurer"
"And, by gum, you can have mew
Uncle Reuben's Salary.
"That's right That's the way I like
to hear man speak up. Your salary
for the first year, while we are getting
under way. will only be hundred
thousand dollars, but after that it may
go to half million. All you'll have
to do is to count the money as 1t comes
in and goes out and be careful that you
don't pay out any thousand dollar bills
for hundreds"
Say, it's great; it's greatw whisper
ed Uncle Reuben as he walked around
and rubbed his hands together.
ut is greater than great" added the
major as he also walked. "You may
want to know where we shall get our
peanuts from. Not from the American
trust, you can bet. have leased 5,OOO,-
600 acres Of the great Sahara desert
to grow them on. Fifty bushels to
the acre, and that makes 250,O0OOO0
bushels of peanuts. We shall have our
own bottle factories and raise our
corks."
Lord. what a head you have got on
your
"Kings, emperOrs, cZars. presidents,
dictators, lords, dukes, barons, counts,
opera singers and actresses to adver-
tise us, and behind them all the doc
tors come trailing in: also all the news
papers. Can you beat It? Can you
match Major CrofootY"
"Shake hands, major" said Uncle
Reuben as he held out his paw.
AHu Cuh you ~ " WoTk VII MOu-
day?" queried the promoter after shak-
ing.
"Ill be on hand or perish"
Every well. You may indorse that
check and leave 1t with me as security
that you will show up. It's mere
formality, you know. Turn the check
over and write your name there"
"And I'll make-make"-
you'll have S5,0OOOO0 in the bank
before another buckwheat crop Is Off.
And now, as this is my busy day.
"I'll take skate and show up Mon
day morning"
The major sat down and pressed his
hands to his humping heart and long
cd for dose of brandy. He gave I'm
Gle Reuben ten minutes to get out of
the neighborhood and then wrote his
own name on the check and went over
to the bank and showed 1t at the pay
ing teller in careless way.
Good only for paper rags" said the
teller as he showed it back, with grin.
Uncle Reuben was on top. He had
soaked the man who was seeking to
soak him. NJ. QUAD.