Republican news item. [volume] (Laport, Pa.) 1896-19??, 1907-08-22
.IHE TERROR'S DINNER
RottlesnakeS on Toast" Was
the Cowboys Order.
tuT He MET WITH HIS MATCH

the Terror's Nerve Away-The Re-
past and the Final Request.
Away back in 1876 man named
Turpin established a restaurant in
Yuma, and among Turpin's original
employees was II waiter named Job
Straight, who could shoot with great
precision, play draw poker with un-
varying success and pack eighteen
plates of miscellaneous grub upon one
bare arm at one time. He could exc
cute all the prevailing melodies either
on piano or guitar. and he possessed
the most tremendous baritone voice
ever heard in Arizona. Why, men some
times went to Turpin's just to hear Joe
deliver gastronomic orders. No per
feet description can be given Of that
voice, however, except to say that at
times it really did make things clatter.
Once fresh young cowboy from
near Gia Bend entered Turpin's for
Christmas dinner who took startling
connection as an appetizer and then
dropped thud-like at table and rough
ly shouted to Straight:
grub
Job was at first appalled,; but, recov-
ering his reserve limit Of equanimity.
he brushed an imaginary breadcrumb
from the frescoed tablecloth and
whisked bill of fare from tine varle
gated castor and placed it before the
new young terror of the Bend.
Take it away" cried the latter in
tones that gould give Straight's ordi-
nary, everyday baritone castle and
checkmate it in five moves. II don't
want to read your darned old tract.
l don't care q darn who came into the
world TO save sinners. Bring me some
grub-g-r-u-b! Grub! Grub! Grub"
"What do you want?"
"Rattlesnakes on toast! And l want
you to hump yourseif"'
whats that?''
"Ive given my order, you baldheaded
old cigar store sign, and want you to
get move on yourself, p. d. q. Rattle
snakes ON toast!'
"Rattlesnakes on toast"' cried job to
the cook in accents that would have
paralyzed Carl Formes had that old
basso profundo been living and heard
them.
"Rattlesnakes on toastw was the re-
verberating response from the cook
upon receiving the order.
There were a dozen or more people in
the restaurant, and their eyes were at
once turned on the young person from
the Bend and the infuriated waiter.
In the meantime the cook had taken
a big catfish and cut 1t into four strips
and rolled these strips In batter, SO
that they much resembled the Wand or
dered, and after placing them In the
frying pan he stuck his head out Of the
kitchen and shouted to Job:
You want them ratters rare or we'll
donei"
The waiter repeated the interrogatory
in cyclonic way, and the terror re-
piled in as violent tone and manner
as he could command. "Well done, with
plenty of gravy ana Chill Colorado"
And then Job thundered to the cook:
"Well done, with plenty of Chill Colo
RADIO, hot as -, and mOccasin gravy
on the side and brochettes Of sand
There was an instantaneously dead
silence in that restaurant, and all eyes
were again cast upon the terror and
the waiter The former turned ashen
pale and began to weaken perceptibly,
while Job gazed at his victim.
Maybe you don't think we can serve
all the market Affords" muttered Job.
Maybe you don't like moccasin gravy
or brochettes q Ia mode. Maybe you
amt hungry
Say! You've got mel amt hungry,
SO help me. l couldn't eat a single hard
b lied egg Countermand that burned
order old man, and I'll pay all ex-
penses and set 'em up as long as any
body can drink. Beg pardon, gentle
men, all. My first attempt to be ter
ror-pardon me, gentlemen. It's my
iast!'
And then he handed his revolver to
Job and added:
"Take that pistol, old man, as Il
present and promise me that the next
time any burned fool comes in here
and calls for rattlesnakes on toast
you'll shoot him dead.
But Straight was too raving mad all
the way through to willingly emerge
from situation only tolerably tri
umphant. So he took the weapon just
as the order was being placed on the
table and, pointing 1t at the terror.
exclaimed:
Now, then, my boy, dump yourself
into that chair and eat them snakes
bones. skin and ALL"
The young fellow did as he was COM
manded, but after finishing his repast
staggered the uncompromising Job by
shouting:
II say, Baldy, bring me another
plate Of snakes"'- Denver News.
Wanted Nav Onaa.