The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1907-08-20
MOST SPOTLESS TOWN
NEW ENGLAND BURG HOLDS RIB.
BON FOR RIGHTEOUSNESS.
Agitation for New Jail at Rridgewater,
Conn, Starts piscussion--Loek.
up Not Needed-kepf Only
for cussom.

ment that to Bridgewater belongs the
sacred honor of being the most righ.
teous town in New England.
No scientific dissecter OF civic mi.
crobes, after a microscopic examina-
tlon of all other towns, has rendered
this decision.
Yet. the consensus of opinion has
been arrived at without question
without hesitancy.
Bndgewater has been elevated to
the topmost pinnacle of righteousness
through the administration of its af-
fairs by the most stainless, spotless
board of town fathers in the world.
Six men who neither chew nor
smoke nor drink nor swear have
brought to Bridgewater its unquestion-
ed glory.
And now a local controversy has
arisen over the village lookup that
threatens to cast the first blot upon
the fair escutcheon Of this most sin.
less town in New England.
Tucked away in an odorous little al.
ley where only the rats and mosqui-
toes can live ia safety, Bridgewaters
dinkey little brick cooler" with its
six unused cells has suddenly become
the subject of town sensation that
has split in twain the friendship of
peaceful and upright citizens and
neighbors and has aroused the stain
less town fathers to rise in pious pro-
test against a discussion of the much
mooted question of replacing the lock.
up with a building more in keeping
with the dignity of the village.
"A town jail in Bridgewater?
Neyer!" expostulates the righteous
element
An undignifed, messley little cool.
er,' hidden away in the center of the
town because citizens are ashamed
to have its presence known by visi.
tors ought to be replaced by a build.
ing in keeping with Bridgewater's dig.
nifty" replies the anti" faction.
"Sh!Sh!" protest the town fathers.
Shall we smirch the reputation of
our godly town by wrangling over jails
and such like. when crime and the
need Of a place for protection against
ii is almost unknown among us?"
Thus is Bridgewater's righteousness
shadowed by "A pleban lookup.
Never before In the history of the
village have Its spotless inhabitants
been thus scaEdalized.
AT the yearly gathering in Bridge
water, when the town fathers are
elected, only those are chosen who
ere freest from all carnal sins.
The present board OF selectmen.
Chairman Ernest Leech, Harrison ID.
Packard, and Edwin S. Josslyn, who
have never used tobacco in any form.
who are profaneless. and who hold
up their hands in horror at the sugges-
tion OF alcoholic stimulants as a bev-
erage, are looked upon as model of
upnghtness. Town Treasurer Edward
Town Clerk +. A. Hewitt and
the town tax collector, have likewise
always been total abstainers from all
sins OF the flesh,
Profanity upon the streets is almost
unknown.
A present continual source Of pain
to the pious citizens and the town
fathers Is the habit which Bridgewat.
er's two policemen have of chewing
tobacco and stealthily expeotorating In
the gutter while going their rounds.
Only few Of the stores keen to.
bacco on hand, and the mention of
anything stronger than root beer In
The village causes the inquirer to be
regarded with suspicion and horror.
Crime Is as scarce as hens teeth.
Once In the memory OF the Oldest
inhabitants a murderer was shut IN
for day in the coolsr before being re-
moved, and at one time one OF the
cells contained live burglar. who
had been pursued and captured by the
chief of police, b. Frank lie Barron.
For dignity's sake the village main
aims two officers, who carefully guard
he lookup from harm.
Recently a curious and inqulsitiye
heard of the town
cooler" which lies at the end of an
alley just off the main square of the
yillage. Only the better informed citi-
.ens have until recently been aware
If its existence.
A lone investigation was made by
his meddlesome inhabitant. which re-
'ulted in rousing the first discussion
lbout the propriety of the undignitied
'ooler, This discussion reached the
'ars of the town fathers, and imme-
lately verbal ultimatum was issued
equestlng that such unseemly talk be
Bridgewater is crimeless, was the
argument OF the selectmen in secret
ession assembled. The town main.
aims It's lookup because of custom
makes 1t necessary4mere-
y that and nothing else. Aanif ~
Agitation over new jail would
iecessarily defame the towns reputa.
ion FOR immemorial piety. Thereupon
me OF the fathers bit off a chew Of
utti-frutti and departed to dissemin.
te the grave deliberations of the
oard throughout the town.
Two distinct factions have arisen
n the village, and with the execution
( the two local police oficars u,ho,,,