The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1907-01-16
Marx Twain's Burglar Alarm.

Years ago, when electric burglar
alarms were new, Mark Twain had one
placed in his house. In his autobiog
raphy. in the North American Review,
he tells how il worked. Al a general
thing it was out OF order. Then he
would shut it off and send to New York
for an electrician. 1t never showed it's
real possibiuGies except on one occasion.
"Just that one time" he says, sit
performed it's whole duty, graTely, SER
iously, admirably. II let hy about 2
o'clock one black and dreary March
morning, and / turned out promptly, be-
cause knew it was not fooling this
time.
II stepped into the bathroom, turned
M the gas, looked at the annunciator,
and turned of the alarm, so far as the
door indicated was concerned. This
stopped the racket. Then I went back
to bed, and Mrs. Clemens opened the de.
bate.
What is itr
~It was the cellar door,
"sWas it burglar, do you thinkf
Yes said !, of course it was. Did
you think it was a Sunday school su.
perintendent1'
"No. What do you suppose he
wantsr
81 suppose he wants ieweIry, but
he is not acquainted with the house, and
he thinks it Is in the cellar. Still, it
may be that he is acquainted with the
place, and that what he really wants
| is coal and vegetables
Are you going down to seef
No; let him select for himself
But suppose he comes up to the
ground hoorf
we shall know it the minute he
opens a door. II will set of the alarm.
Just then the buzzing broke out
again. went into the bathroom and
saw I was right, shut off the dining room
and came back to bed.
What do you suppose he is after
nowy said my wife.
al think he has got all the vegetables
be wants, and is coming up for napkin
rings and odds and ends for the wife and
children. They all have families, burg
lars have, and they are always thought
full for them
care you going down TO see what
he wants nowT
No; / think he is alter ceramics
and such things. If he knows the house
he knows that is all he can find on that
floor
"She said, with strong interest per-
ceptible in her tone, Suppose he comes
up here!'
notice
sssW-hst shall we do tbeni,
"'Climb out Of the window
We'll, what is the use of a burglar
alarm for usr she asked, restively.
You have seen, dear heart, that il
has been useful up to the present moment,
and have explained how it viii be CON
tinuslly useful after be gets up here
THAT was the end Of Ill He didn't
ring any more alarm. | said I thought
he was disappointed, and had gone of
with the vegetables and the bric.a- hrac
owe went to sleep. and at a quarter
before 5 in the morning, I was out and
hurrying, for / was TO take the s:29
train for New York found the gas
burning brightly all over the first floor
My new overcoat was gone; my old um.
hrella was gone; my new patent leather
shoes which had never worn were gone
The large window at the rear of the
hill; tracked him with ease, because he
had blased his way with imitation sill.
yer napkin rings, and my umbrella, and
various other things which he disap-
proved Of and | went back in triumph
and proved to my wife that he was a
disappointed burglar.
II had suspected he would be from
the start, and from his not coming Ia
Jour floor to get human beings