Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1907-01-31
Aiways Shows politehes..

Va. lie has never been known to say
cross word to anybody. and he is re-
srectel highly by his relatives. which
il, saying II great deal.
When Wilder was held mp by high
wayman rear llugan's dam, Mr.. Wilder
liarfsd Lover S13...5 and apologized for
not having more With him.
Wilder smiles when n person tramrs
on his corn. and corgratulatcs his wife
on her tiiscernnent when she calls him
mares.
Taken Ill orc day. he insisted upon
teleplloring the undertaken. expressing
re's'e"' Mt the trouble he might cause
Philadelphia North America.
lie was a sandy haired and badly
freclSlcd youth. but he had matsimoni-
al aspirations Just the same, so he pro-
posed to the maid of his choice.
No. John, there's nothing tloin',''
she replied. I'm willing to marry,
ali right, hut want a man that's all
one color"
Thankful, Indeed.
The prodigal son stood in the DIOR.
way after his long absence. II have
come. dad" lie said, with reformed
conscience and reformed dispos't on. :
The old gentleman shouted himself
hoarse and danced Il Jig.
THANK goodness. lad." he eiacl,-
lated. THANK goodness YOU haven't
come back With reformed spelling"
And then the old gentleman went
ont and killed the fatted calf.
As Anybody Can See.
The open faced young man who
wanted a city position was undergo
ing ii civil service examination.
by the way asked one of the
commissioners. swhere is tie center of
population in this country!"
"At the corner of State and Madison
streets, sir" he said.
Although this is not the answer
given by the geographical auth osities,
he got q mark of 100 on il.
What la socIalis,nc
\ Debating society in Manay,,nls Of
iSiSN i"Nt MttlN al I)I'lZe OI No lof UlG
best definition of socialism.
Among the definitions submittc.!
were the following:
Socialism means that no man has
q right to staNe to death where mil
lions are suffering from INDIGESTION
Socialism is other peoples money!
Socialism is the selfshness under
Meath trying to anmihilate the selfish.
ness OH top"
socialism is the revolution of the
stomach"
Socialism is envy legitimatized.'
The following definition is the cnu
that gained the 50 prize:
Socialism is Il combination of eff
forts and theories tending to establish
legally among all mankind the great.
est possible equality of wealth or mis-.
cry. -philadelphia Bulletin.
Gave Up Waiting.
a young man who was anxious To
secure job as a railroad brakeman
wandered into one of the local yards
the other day and came across bunch
of railroad men who were sitting in
a shanty. He made known his am
bition. and one of the men, who is
quite IL joker. asked him a few foolish
questions. The youth answered them
and then asked.
How long before I'll get job?"
sit down and watt" said the joker.
There's ten or fifteen brallemen killed
here every day and you can't tell how
soon we will need you.'
The young mans ambition seemed
to fade and he remembered that he
had an engagement elsewhere.-.A!.
bany Journal
Reading Under Water.
An electric arc lamp. capable of eff
ficiently supplying the needs of under
water illumination for ship salvage
and other similar work, as we'll as for
operations in explosive atmosphe.es.
has been tried in the harbor of Aber-
deem in connection with repairs eff
fccted OH the dock gates there. with
out taking them out of position. 1t
was found that thorough examine
ton of the dock gates could be made
by the aid of the lamp, AMI i'm order
to demonstrate its power one of the
divers returned for Il newspaper, and
after descending to the bottom of the
dock. a depth of twenty feet, read IL
portion of it through the telephone TO
those OIL the surface.
Expresses Her Opinion.
Ernest Lamson tells of Il Colorado
woman who presented herself one day
at the registration booth of town in
that state for the purpose of qualifying
to vote upon the school questions at
the next election.
with what political party do you
aitiliate?' asked the clerk. The lady
and otherwise exhibited con-
fusion of manner.
rs it obligatory that ar. dat
question: she inquired.
Certainly, madam. The ~ re-
quires it,
''Then,' said the woman. IL don't
think care to vote if must mention
the party's name. However, don't
mind saying that he is one of the
incest men I've ever met
Origin of Word HurrIcan,.
"lyrhoon' is by 10 means the only
VOID for IL storm that has come to-
the English langnage through Fortu-
guese and Spanish. Others are" tor
uado" and "hurricane.'' which Shakes.
l'eare could still write hurricane"
Old-time Englishmen, Mt any rate,
spelled the last word in at least as
many ways as Shakespeare and other
people spelled his name, an some OF
the spellings Indicate ffantic attempts
to make the word suggest derivation
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