The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1907-04-25
EXALTED ORDER OF HAY PRESSERS

head with a heavy tray, much to his
own. his partners and the guests con
.sternation. Bill savagely turned to as
certain the cause of the unlocked for
attack. One glance at the again up
lifted tray, his wife's flashing ewes
and set teeth was enough for Bill He
fed from the house. hid in the tan
grass at the edge of the dredge ditch
and did not return home until all of
the female guests had departed This
was two hours afterward, for it took
that time for the women folks to get
Mrs. B1owkey to quit weeping)
STORM DOOR KEEPER SLURRED.
Blowkey got back at Spingle by re-
tOrting that he did not make a worse
spectacle OF himself on that occasion
than the latter did when he was caught
stealing a stuffed roast goose at the
donation party given for the Rev. VIII
liam futile, pastor of the Zion church
HARMONY RESTORED.
AT this juncture Imperial, Eminent
and Lordly Sentinel Green exclaimed
that such talk was disgraceful, and
was told in chorus by Most Worthy
Sublime, Grand and Noble Keeper of
the Inner Door Blowkey, and Sublime
Noble, Grand and Most Worthy Keeper
of the Storm Door Spingle that he
would be in a better position to criti-
else others when he took his mother
out of the poor house This rude re-
tort put everybody in good humor eX-
cept Imperial, Eminent and Lordly
Sentinel Green, which is us, and tenn
porarily suspended recriminations be-
tween the keepers of the inner and
storm doors.
SCRAMBLE FOR AN OFFICE.
Eligibility to membership, tenure of
Office, sick benefits, passwords and
such like were next disposed Of One
| important office. that Of keeper of the
punch bowl, had not been filled 1t
was the intention to reserve it for An
dy Ellis. Jake White reported to the
assembly that Andy was about to move
to Bugville, and therefore could not
MI the office. Thereupon. and with
great suddenness, Most Worthy, Sub
lime, Grand and Noble Keeper Of the
Inner Door Blowkey and Most Worthy
Keeper of the Storm Door SpingIe both
resigned their Offices to take the more
important position of keeper of the
punch bowl The ill-feeling already ex-
! listing between the two officers was
intensified by the scramble for the COW
eted place. Sublime, Noble, Grand and
Most Worthy Keeper of the Storm Door
| Spingle loudly exclaimed that Most
Worthy, Sublime, Grand and Noble
| Keeper of the Inner Door Blowkeys
qualifications for the office was his alb
normal capacity for booze. The latter
replied that Spingle was a jaeger and
pilferer combined and would not only
steal the punch, but the bowl as well.
HOsTILITIEs RENEWED.
The renewal of hostiIities came near
breaking up the order at it's very i'm
ception. A good, old-fashioned knock
down and drag out fight followed.
Sublime, Noble, Grand and Most
Worthy Keeper of the Storm Door
Spingle. angered beyond endurance,
struck Most Worthy Sublime, Grand
and Noble Keeper of the Inner Door
Blowkey a vicious blow in the face,
and followed it up with a kick in the
groin Most Worthy, Sublime, Grand
and Noble Keeper of the Inner Door
Blowkey, dazed by undaunted by the
fierce and sudden attack, grappled his
opponent, the Sublime, Grand. Noble
and Most Worthy Keeper of the Storm
Door Spingle.
TRY TO SEPARATE COMBATANTS
The two combatants fell in a heap on
the floor where they punched bit,
chewed and slugged each other
plenty. All of the organizers took a
hand, most of them two hands, in try
ing to part the fighters. Supreme
Sublime and Exalted Head Hay Presser
Watson seized the leg Of Most Worthy
Sublime, Grand and Noble Keeper of
the Inner Door Blowkey. Eminent
Supreme and Venerable Guardian Of
the Bale Wire Joe Bean gripped Su-
blime, Noble, Grand and Most Worthy
Keeper of the Storm Door Spingle's
coat collar. Reinforced by Deputy
Supreme, Sublime and Exalted Hay
Presser Charley Kile, Noble, Grand and
Most Worthy Oiler of the Hay Press
Sam Templeton, and Grand Noble and
Sublime Custodian of the King Bolt
Jake White they tugged nightly in
their eqorts to pull the scrappers apart
AS there was no more room for med
dlers Imperial, Lordly and Eminent
Sentinel Green did the next best thing
he opened a window and yelled for
the city marshal
MAYHEM SOUVENIRS.
But the scrappers for the moment
could not be budged. Sublime, Noble,
Grand and Most Worthy Keeper of the
Storm Door Spingle had his fingers
firmly gripped in the whiskers of Most
| Worthy, Noble, Grand, Noble Keeper
Of the Inner Door Blowkey, while the
latter was industriously chewing his
opponents ear. Exhaustion more than
of
finally parted the fighters. When they
arose putting and spluttering, Sublime
| Noble, Grand and Worthy Keeper of
the Storm Door Spingle held tri-
umphantly aloft a handful Of whisk-
ers formerly worn by Most Worthy,
Sublime, Grand and Noble Keeper Of
/ the Innar Door I3ln,nrlretr Put the lat