The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-04-17

discovered ON interestingsfacts. Hot
air from q furnace will cause nuiner-
u ailments and is particularly pro-
dM:tive Of pneumonia. 1t also causes
all the furniture to shrink and warp;
warranted to draw three legs off a
sofa inside of a month. That Is 'Ex-
hibit E.
America caused the destruction of 49,
600 homes. Coal stoves caused only a
loss Of about $50. We class that as
Exhibit F.
IF we had a furnace and it con-
sumed ten tons Of coal during the sea-
son, there would be the ten tons to
feed in and the ashes from the ten
tons to take out and dump into the
alley. Owing to my lame back l could
not do the work, and consequently it
would fall on you. Would it be right
for a husband to put such a burden on
his second wife? It certainly would
not. We put that down as Exhibit
G."
II knew you would answer me with
just such nonsense!" exclaimed Mrs.
Perkins after standing it as long as
she could.
"For five years, my dear, people
poked fun at Diogenes and said that
he talked nonsense. Today It is uni
versally conceded that he was the
greatest philosopher the world ever
saw. DR.. Bombs, who is the greatest
medical authority in Europe, says of
hot air furnaces, They are responsible
for rats, mice, ~cockroaches, bugs and
all sorts of germs and microbes In
face Of that, my dear, what was I to
do? That is Exhibit H.
As to "Exhibit l."
"Once more. Gases are liable to &C.
cumulate in hot air furnaces. You sit
here sewing. and l am downtown try
ing to raise the money to buy a ton Of
coal. All is peaceful and serene. You
are totally unsuspicious of danger. All
Of a sudden, without the slightest
warning and like a bolt from the blue,
those accumulated gases explode with
q roar that is heard for half a mile
around. We mark that as Exhibit L.
"A great cloud Of smoke is seen in
the air. with debris flying in every d.
rection. The fire engines arrive. The
ambulance is rung for. A great crowd
gathers. Fragments of your arms and
legs are gathered from the surround
ing roofs. Exhibit r.
aT ho~o fu;1o.l % -c3c- A.. -:.
for the ton of coal and am on my way
home when l see the cloud of smoke,
hear the confusion and have a feeling
that disaster has overtaken you. I
start on a run. Exhibit K
Il arrive on the scene. l learn what
has happened. l look upon the black
ened fragments: l know that you are
no more on earth and that the chances
of my getting a third wife are nil. The
crowd sympathizes with me and adj
vises me to brace up. Exhibit L.
"But 1 cannot do so. l feel that all
is lost, and I fling myself into the
blazing ruins and am roasted alive and
join you in that other land. and the
Perkins family is wiped off the face
VI tlc edIlu. luuI Is EALlDlL M.
Gives Her Chance to Say Something.
Mrs. Perkins, l have called your
attention to thirteen different exhibits,
beginning With A and ending with NJ.
Have you anything further to say"
Eyes, sir. l have" she replied. "Of
all the mean husbands in this state I
think you are the capsheaf!'
"My dear second'-
"Stop right there, sir"
my second without the dear
Enough, sir! The last bit Of coal
we have in the house is in the stove,
and l shall leave you to keep warm
on your philosophy. I am going to
bed"
Mr.. Perkins sat for three or four
minutes after her disappearance and
pushed off his slippers and cracked his
toes and then musingly exclaimed:
"What a woman! l wanted to save
her life. but she wouldn't have 1t that
way" NJ. QUAD.