davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12
GLOBE SIGHTS.
[From the Atchison Globe.l

LFrom the Atchison Globe.1
What fun people have being uncom-
Portable at a picnic!
You can spoil some men by telling
them they have ideals.
People who are always saying, Now
listen to me-" never get very far.
The man who doesn't care' at the
soda fountain, usually gets vanilla.
Fortunately a man isn't always fined
for contempt of court because he feels
it.
The man who carries accident insur-
ance usually leads very monotonous
existence.
The woman never lived who had the
curtains at the right pitch or angle to
suit the men folks.
It's a wonder people do not hate
George Washington and Abe Lincoln;
they are so generally admired.
Telling a man not to worry is usually
about as effective as warning a harvest
hand against eating too much.
The average man is pretty good at
looking on the bright side of trouble, IL
it doesn't happen to be his own.
You are not in need of tonic IL your
appetite makes sawdust breakfast foods
taste like something to eat.
Funny how a little boy will wade in
a creek or mudhole all day, and rebel
when he has to wash his dirty feet at
bedtime!
''There is no sense in that" you hear
people say many times every day. And
it sometimes seems they don't say IL
often enough.
There Is one thing true of all farmers:
They never have time to have their
pictures taken oftener than once in for
ty years.
After every sporting event, nearly ev-
ery man who hadn't the nerve to bet,
will tell you he had previously picked
the winner.
The first year a boy is away from
home he never fails to speak, in his let
ters. of the evenings he has spent in
his room studying.
An Atchison man has a new way Of
telling q fish story. II caught so many
fish when a boy,' he says, that do
not care for them now"
Every town woman thinks with scorn
that If she were farmers wife, she
would like to see the man who could
make her do the milking.
Nothing makes a man quite SO mad
as to be put to sleep in a bed that has
to have a lot of fancy coverings remov-
ed before it is ready to sleep in.
It is about as hard for a widow to
reconcile No. rs kin to her second mar
riage as it is a widower to convince his
children they need a new mother.
If the average man has any knowl-
edge of statistics, 1t Is more likely to
concern the percentage of the baseball
league than the total acreage of winter
wheat.
Harvesting is properly regarded as
hard work. but every old man will tell
you 1T is child's play compared with
when he was Young and the reaping waa
done with Cradles"
Subject for discussion at the next
meeting of the Lancaster Literary So
ciety. when a farmer visits Atchison,
how many times does he shake hands
before he returns?"
A New York department store Is go
ing to handle real estate. The next
move of this commercial enterprise viii
probably be to establish cemetery In
the bargain basement.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12
SONNET or. CHORUS G1IsL.

E1<J4N4N FL OF IA OI1OTt CS VI1tIIs
He waits beside the entrance every night,
And when we've ct till I can't hold no
more
He takes me in a hanson to my door;
1t may be that he amt so very bright,
But that don't tie no ribbons-hes all
right
I never met a kinder gent before;
Its sweet to hear the way he can I'M
rlore
wonder if his folks will raise a row
When him and me goes home to get
y their blessir'?
Well, can tell them one thing anyhow:
If they freeze up on me they'll learn q
leSSoni
His sisters may be proud, but I'll allow
Them handicaDs and keep them busy
Guessin.
Chicago Record-Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.
TFrom the Philadelphia Record.

TFTOm inc Z NlIdu5Ip1IId Et6COIU.J
Blue over-alls-the skies.
It's when he has nothing to do that
the fireman is really between two fires.
It makes some fellows chesty to think
of all the medals coming to them.
Unlike a thermometer, it's the girl of
high degree that is apt to freeze you.
Blobbs-"Up in the Arctic regions the
nights are six months long, Blobbs-
lima CINE a crowd of Eskimos singing
We Won't Go Home Till Morning"
Hoax-"You say that peculiar looking
dog of yours came from Peru What is
his name?'' Joax-'I call him Quinine'
.Hoax-"Quinine? Joax-sYes, on ac-
count of his Peruvian barki''
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12
FULL LEASED WIRE RFPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRES


Subscribers of the State journal
away during the summon may have
the paper mailed regularly each day
a. any address Mt the rate OF ten cents
On week or thirty cents n month Try
mail only. Address changed Hs often
ms desired While Out of town The
State journal will be 20 yo1 like n
daily letter from home.
Advance payment IL requested on
these short time Subscriptions. IT, save
bookkeeping expo &c.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12
snap Shots of Detectives.

Have you ever noticed--to use an
1riShism-that you hardly ever notice
the portraits of Scotland Yard detec-
tives in the illustrated papers until
they are either retired. or are just
about to retire?
Did you, for instance, know how
Detective Inspector Walsh looked.
prior to. his quitting his service the
other day, or were you familiar with
Chief Inspector Arrows features un-
til he accepted a month or two ago,
the post of chief of police of BARGE
Iona?
If you think carefully over these
two questions, you will have to confess
to yourself that you are unable to an
swer either of them in the affirmative,
the reason being that neither of the
officers mentioned was ever previously
photographed for publication. This
is one of the many unwritten laws of
Scotland Yard.
Nevertheless, there is hardly a de-
tective in London who has not been
photographed over and over again,
for the simple reason that there is in
existence class Of men who make a
speciality of ,snapshoting police officers,
with view to selling the portraits SO
obtained to professional criminals.
Such photo graphs are, for obvious
reasons, greatly sought after. Certain
detectives make speciality of certain
lines Of crime. One. for example.
OOeAS "AIh SoAAiSlS, dHOlneT WITH an
archists and undesirable aliens gen.
orally, and so on. All really high
class criminals also specialize in
crime. There you have the thing in
nutshell. For a professional coiner
to be familiar with the features of the
man who is on the lookout for him Is
from his point of view. eminently de-
sirable.
And he usually is familiar with
them, thanks to the snapshotters,
themselves for the most part criminals
or ex-criminals. In fact. one notorious
counterfeiter arrested the other day
by a clever ruse, was found to be in
possession. not only of the photo
graphs of the men who arrested him,
but of carefully tabulated written
descriptions of them into the bargain
-PearSon's Weekly.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12
CUT THE WEEDS.

Don't you think the town would look
a whole lot better to the visiting stran-
ger, and be whole lot healthier for
those who live here, if the weeds were
cYt and the rubbish cleaned up and
burned from off the streets, alleys and
vacant lots 1t would cost each of US a
few dimes or a little effort to do this,
but we believe it would be time and
money well spent, and we believe it
ought to be done. Clean up and put
the streets in shape with the poll tax,
and then, If need be, compel every prop
erty owner to NOW the weeds and burn
the rubbish on his personal premises
Minneapolis Messenger.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12
REFLECTIONS or A BAcHELoE
[From the New York Pl

from the New York Press.
A pretty sure way not to be a good
husband is to be married.
From twenty to thirty a man seeks
honor. from then until he dies comfort.
A girl is never sure she couldn't love
a man Just to be able to think so.
A. persons morals are like his best
clothes-to be worn on special occasions.
The trouble with giving money to
charity is you haven't any chance to
get even with anybody the way you
have after, horse trade.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12

Now that Schmitz and Ruef are in
jail, Prosecutor Heney's next task is to
send the corporation magnates who
bought them to keep them company,
and he says he will do it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12
Paper Pals for Milk.

For years London's milk supply has
been blamed by medical men and health
officers for a great deal OF the infant
mortality.
Now the dairy companies are to de-
liver milk at the doors of houses in pa
per pals or pitchers, which are said to
be absolutely proof against germs and
water.
The paper pals are being made at a
new factory at the rate of $4,000 daily,
but they will require to be turned out at
the rate of some millions daily If the
demand is to be met.
These milk pals, made from wood
pulp, can, of course, be used only once,
says. What to Eat. But they will be
cheaper than metal pals, pitchers, or
glass bottles, for one reason, because
all labor of cleaning and sterilizing will
be saved.
The pail is a simple contrivance,
twelve times lighter than the ordinary
milk can, is strongly made, and is fin-
ished off, after being rendered water
proof, by being sterilized in a furnace
heated up to 800 degrees Fahrenheit.
Every pail has a close-f1tting Hanged
cover which can be quickly adjusted
and when fixed effectually seals the
milk from any outside inf1uence.-New
York Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12

You viii notice that it is the cor
respondent of a British paper who is
the latest to find out lot of things
that are not SO about the alleged trou-
BILE between America and Japan. 1t
IS barely possible that some British
journals would also enjoy q war be-
tween these two nations.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12

alumnus. but from which all of his
sons likewise graduated. For the past
three years Harry A. Garfield has
been filling the chair of politics at
Princeton, which he will resign to be-
come the president of williams next
wear
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12

1t is said that the state railroad COM
missioners will walk over those por-
tons of the Missouri Pacific that are
alleged to be in bad condition. AS the
Missouri Pacific has over 1880 miles
of track in Kansas. the commissioners
have considerable exercise ahead of
a.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12

You will note that the dispatch con-
corning Mr.. Fairbanks rescue of a
chambermaid from drowning said
nothing about his swimming to her
assistance. Those who have seen Mr..
Fairbanks will readily guess that he
rnrndad
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12

SO much admired" Well. they were
cordially hated in their day. The
Britishers had no use for George, and
the Shareholders thought Abe was
about the worst ever. It's a poor
statesman who doesn't have some sort
of enemies.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12

Another temperance sermon by the
Atchison Globe: Instead of taking
your money to the joints and getting
two per cent. take it to the banks and
get three per cent"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12

'HThe report that Kansas house
wife had a narrow escape from death
while washing dishes,' remarks the
Omaha Bee, sis significant only as
showing that there still is a Kansas
housewife who washes dishes Yes.
there are a. few who do it just to keep
in practice. And it might be stated
that they keep in practice good deal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12

1t might have been known that the
appointment of w. B. Ham to any sort
OF public Office like that of attorney
to the railroad board would not be
satisfactory to some people.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12

Since that heroic-rescue Fairbanks
story was set af1oat. the Fairbanks
supporters have been glancing in the
direction of Taft with a beat-that-if-
you-can expr ession.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12

1t appears that there are at least
two kinds of detectives. Mcfarland.
at present at Boise. is representative
of one kind; Burns, of San Francisco,
of another
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12

Governor Hughes, Of New York
wants to put a damper on the man
who talks without thinking" If he
succeeds there will be a great slump in
the talk market
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12

The unwritten law is soundly de-
nounced in written language all over
the country. but that makes little diff
ference to Judge Loving. of Virginia.
It worked all right In his case.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12

One of the funny things about The
Hague peace conference is that it
spends its time in formulating rules
for making war.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12

A Texas paper says that Texas will
soon produce eighty per cent of the
onion crop of this country. Why does
paper want to run down its own
state like that?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12

OO you Luluk 1auD6I picture WOAlA
catalogue prfce?" Its still a quarter.
isn't it?"-Harper's Weekly.
The Big Fish (boastfully)-Yes. sir,
have weighed 500 pounds if he weighed
| an ounce, but the line broke and I got
! away from him.-Puck.
She-There is at least one woman In
the world who can thank you for rem
dering her happy for life. He-Whys
I'm not married. She-That's what
mean!-Illustrated Bits.
How is the colonel this morning?''
He's getting bettuhs suh." Il heard
yesterday that he was too weak TO hkt
an arm" No, sub, there's nevuh been
a day when he's been unable to take a
drink suh.''-Houston Post.
silas Hardacre-Yes, every Tuesday
and Thursday night is ripping up
night" with the ladies' sewing social in
this town. City Drummer-Indeed!
And what do they rip up? Silas Hard
acre-Carpet rags, pedigrees ana tne
absent members.-Chicago News.
George Washington had decided 10
retire. "Of course" he said, that Will
bring up the old conundrum, 'What
shall We do with our ex-presidents?' I
wish 1 could give the newspapers some
thing else to talk about" Then a hap
py inspiration struck him, and he sat
farewell address to his countrymen.--
Chicago Tribune.
Tourist-What do the people round
here live on, Pat? Jarvey-Pigs, sorr,
mainly, and tourists In the summer
Punch.
He-Are you a vegetarian? She-Oh,
no! love good beef. He-Ahl wish
were beef. She-Well, I like veal
also.-Pick-M e-Up.
Benevolent Old Party-Well. well, but
you are a little fellow to be playing
in the street. Can you talk yet? The
Little Fellow-Naw, but I kin swear
Puck.
"You really should be more economi-
cal," said Wiseman. "O!' replied Cal
ley, "I will be some day." Yes; some
day you'll have to be-" "All right; II
/ have to 1 won't mind it so much
Philadelphia Press.
Don't you think" said the candid
ought to open the door and take the
public in on this business?" But, my
dear colleague" returned another. If
we open the door, we can't take them
n"-Baltimore American.
Newton discovered why the apple
fell, did he not?''
He did"
well, then, it remains for some
equally brilliant mind to discover why
it is that plums fall to those higher
up.'-London Tribune.
MET, Loved, Married. All in "a
Hours
Good headline, ?" cackled the art
list who had composed it.
Zine assented the managing edi-
tor Keep the photos handy. Well
need 'em again in about a month";
Washington Herald.
Actress-Did my death scene seem
realistic?
Theatrical Manager-I should say SO!
Why, a life insurance director in the
audience tainted dead overwhelmingly
oils Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12

James Rudolph isn't the only one of
the Garfield boys who is making a
mark in the world. His brother,
Harry A. Garfield. has been elected
president OF williams college. of which
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12
Holm DIDN'T G1GGLE

The dispatches @announce that John
d. Rockefeller was tIignihed while on
the witness stand. Who suspected that
he would litter While being examined
and would probably play q prank or
two on the court Wichita Beacon.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12
RING OFF.

English women are back of a move
ment to make every married man wear
a ring on his third finger. Some Aneri-
can women think every husband should
wear ring through his nose.-Anna
Carlson.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12

There is this about City Attorney
Dreaming: Nobody can charge that he
doesn't try to earn his salary.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12

Russia thinks Japan can lick tn
United States. ''Now let's hear from
SPAIN" suggests the Lawrence World
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12
PERHAPS.

It is often hard to obtain the proper
point of view. The canary birds cheer
full MARBLE may be only It's plaintive plea
for liberty, while the tom cats wall
may be in reality the outpouring Of a
love-thrilled heart-Mack Gretchen.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12

BY the way, was Mr.. Rockefeller in
such a hurry to get away from Chicago
that he forgot to draw his witness
faek7
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12
AMERICAN STANnARDs

a man who steals $40 from an
others pocket goes to JAIL But the
man who CRAFTS 100000 is often as
proud and prominent a citizen as the
man who steals a base.-Louisville
Courier-Journal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12

Fairbanks saved a chambermaid
from drowning. Now who will save
the Fairbanks presidential boom?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12

Incidentally there are also fewer
college boys taking their vacations in
the harvest fields this year than usual.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12

In the meantime Mr.. Schmitz vii
have plenty of time to practice up new
pieces on his fiddle.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12

Harry Orchards confession that N
ts a liar appears to have been amply
proved by the defense.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12

Its a wonder" says the Atchison
Globe. people do not hate George
Washington and Abe Lincoln: they are
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12
LET 1T GO.

Secrtary Wilson has replied to Secre-
tary Coburn. Wilson claims credit for
all that has been done of recent years to
propagate Turkey red wheat in Kansas.
The best thing Coburn can do is to allow
Wilson's claim to stand, although it is
not true. Only a few weeks ago Wilson
wrote to Kansas advising wheat raisers
to try Turkey red wheat. Now he says
he is the fellow who induced Kansas
farmers generally, twenty years ago. to
raise that kind of wheat. A fellow who
induces a state to take his advice and
then doesn't know that the state is do
ing so is too funny to need answering
Lawrence World.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12
ON THE MOVE.

During the past six years the saloons
have been driven out of 400 cities in the
state of Tennessee. They are now run
ming in only three cities in that state. In
a speech at Nashville last Sunday Sem
ator Carmack was widely cheered when
he predicted that The time was near
when men, not now young, would live
to see the day when there would not be
a saloon in any land where men go to
church and children to hoo1."-Jewell
Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12
Wants Snakes Protected.

At a meeting of the Melon Growers
association it was decided to adopt
resolutions for the preservation OF all
snakes of the chicken and spreadhead
variety in the melon belt. and the
sense of the meeting was that the in
crease of the reptiles should be well
coined.
The chicken and the spreadhead
snakes are the natural enemies of field
mice, and destroy scores of them each
day.-Carmi Correspondence st. Louis
TSfmes.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12
FROM OTHER PENS
KANSAS.

Kansas must. choose. She must
either increase her population, or de-
crease her wheat crop. Every year
now the story is the same. There is
more wheat than help to handle it.
I The harvester becomes the most i'm
portant man of the hour. Everybody
wants him: Everybody needs him.
| Wages high enough to make him
dizzy are dangled before his eyes. He
| is brought from a distance in a Pull
man car, and driven to the field in a
coach-and-four. He is fed on the fat
| of the land. He ends the season al
few years ago that the farmers of
Kansas were in such straits they want
ed to change the character of the ma
tional government in an effort to es-
ical And the farmer is now the
| favorite son.-Washingto Star.
STIFFENING DIVORCE LAWS.
Sioux Falls is doing a rushing d.
vorce business pending a stiffening
up of South Dakota's divorce laws.
The legislature passed a stricter law,
but 1t has to go to the people on a
referendum. Meanwhile, tremendous
business. 1t is said that South Da-
kotans are serious in their resolution
to check the export divorce evil. They
are actually going to insist that un-
happy visitors from elsewhere shall
stay a whole year in the state before
getting their freedom from the chains.
New York Tribune.
JUST LIKE JAPAN'S KICK.
And now there Is the prospect of an
international complication which may
cause us to understand Japans posi-
ton. The American ambassador to
Italy has notified the Italian govern
ment that the United States protests
against American theological students
in Rome being mobbed to make an
anti-clerical holiday.-Boston Tran
script.
WHAT MARK GOT.
With the degree of doctor of litera-
ture, Lord Curzon handed Mark Twain
the following: ''Vir jocundissime.
lepidissime, facetfossime, qui totus orbis
terrarum 1atera nativa tua hilaritate
concuti, ego auctoritate mea ct totius
universftatis admftto tie ad gradum
doctoriS in literas honoris causa."
Huckleberry Finn would probably
have been shocked. If not insulted, by
such language.-Los Angeles News.
WHO WILL FOOT THE BILL?
If the Japanese are really going to
insist upon scrimmage with this
country they must not expect to bor-
row the money of US to pay their part
of the expenses of it.-Philadelphia
Press.
AN EVEN BREAK.
Mr.. Tauje of Japan comes with the
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12

"Oh. II can'tr she breathed, all pink
and white and tremulous, but Tessa
shall benny proxyr'-(Copyrigh
1907, by Homer Sprague.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-12
WHAT MARK COT.
AN EVEN RREAK-

Mr.. Tauje of Japan comes with the
cheering intelligence that. Japan has
no present intention of wiping us off
the map. Same here. We have no
yearning to occupy Toxic with an ex-
peditionary force.-Minneapol Jour
nal.