The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1907-12-22
Mmia'S Midnight Lectures.
LECTURE NO. 10.

the papers, but the doctors are doing so
much nowadays / don't see why they
don't find cure for that, too.
Job. II you thought 1 was dead and
should ind that the body Of some other
woman was in the coffin instead Of me,
bet you'd go crazy with grief Did
you see about that Baltimore man who
found out his wife was sin alive? he
nearly went crazy with JOY. but when
read 1t / thought about you, and 1 had
10 shut my eyes to keep out the picture
Of happiness you presented All, me.
il must be grand to have a good hus-
band. No; you needn't talk that way
I'll never get chance 70 try another
man. Only the good die young and
land knows that don't desiccate you.
Il s'pOse you saw that the battle
ships got away without getting stuck
on any more mud banks. Nj. ROOse-
welt went down to see EN- of, Of course
He seems 10 be a mighty hne man, but
he certainly does Ike TO be around
when there's a show he can boss.
spose that trip Of his used Up coal
enough TO keep US comfortable q week.
and that amt what I call fair, when
the papers keep telling Us that in three
or four years there won't be 10 more
coal Wei, maybe 1t was a little longer
than that, but il don't make much diff
ference. And the coal the President
used up amt drop in the bucket when
you think Of what them battle ships IS
going 70 burn.
can't see. as Mr.. Roosevelt Is very
careful to keep on the same side Of the
fence al the time. job There he
stepped in and stopped that carnivorous
war between them little Japs and the
RoOsians, and sent a order to that
Hagyoo peace conference 10 put a end
70 war, and stiu he goes sending a fleet
around the world 10 shake that big
STICK IN eyerybOdy's face. he don't
seem 70 be consequential in his actions.
There's the Presidential champagne:
1 always thought the President was
trying 10 force the Republican party TO
take Mr. Taft. If they wouldn't have
MIN again. and now Mr.. O'Digman
Swat says in The Big Stick that he's
backing Mr. Cannon, and that Mr..
Hughes that got ali that stuff about
the insurance presidents for the news
papers Mr.. Cannon would make q fine
President. if he'd only sign a pledge 10
stop swearing, and Mr.. Hughes would
be fine Vice President. because I read
In The Washington Herald. a month or
two ago. that he is fine with his wife.
and stays home after supper every
night But the President ought TO be
more punctual in his ways, and not
change so much. It amt Jest dignihed.
'Stll. I see that Senator Burkett. who
Is trying 10 untangie the public school
fuss, IS going 10 run for Vice President.
and II Ia gets the school business
Strengthened out he certainly will de-
serve the place. They say he looks ike
Mr. Bryan, and I've been thinking that
they ought 10 put them both on one
ticket and then one could be speaking
In one part OF the country while TIE
other was in another part. and see how
much time and money the government
would save, now that Mr. Roosevelt has
ordered Congress TO give the two par
ties money 70 pay the expenses OF
speaking tours and buying up the col
ored mems votes. The colored men. I
see, are going TO vote for Mr.. Foraker
II the-r don't get paid for voting for
somebody else
1t amt no wonder that Mr.. Cortslvou
got the grippe. / guess anybody would
get sick If lot OF men had been work
ing TO make him President and then
he had TO come out and say he wouldn't
have the place for anything, Just 20
keep peace in the Presidents family.
] don't just see what Il had 10 do with
the Presidents family. anyway. on
eiai family. you saw Weu>I don't see
that that makes any dir renee. either.
You needn't 90 TO expls iaing I've got
some more 70 say. and it's getting late.
and 1 won't sleep If I don't get il on
my mind. SO you had better keep still.
I amt superstitious. Job, except
about thirteens and Dragging without
knocking on wood But that bali they
had down ar the ChateIsine Hotel some
how reminded me OF the bali the his
tory says they held the night before the
battle Of Waterloo. or course. Mr..
10 do any fighting; bur just 10 show
of what they could do StiU, II some
OF them 1890 sailors go ashore az Rio.
where the coffee comes from. and get
into a fight. 7 wouldn't he surprised 10
see the Italians. or whoever lives al
Rio. blow up the whole feet. Some
how balls held just before an army or
a fleet starts TO move don't seem Jest
sacrilegious 70 me In the Bible DAYS
they used TO pray first. and just see how
il helped III bet that Mr. Fighting
Evans, as they're talking about making
a vice admiral-as il he wasn't bad
enough already. just being a naval Of
ficer-couldn't make the sun stand stil
ike that old Jewish general did
We'll, If YOU are through smoking
s'poSe III let you go TO bed Land
knows you ought Of been there long
ago, but il you will come home at mid
night you'll have 10 suffer. for I get
these things running through my head
and just can't get EN- figured out
right till I talk EN- over with YOU
You're really a brilliant oscularOr- Job.
when you're in a good humor-though.
land alive knows. II takes a good rating
FROM me 70 put you into one"