Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-05-04
The Lunacy of Capt. Barnacle.

lie Lunaey OF Capt. barnacIe.
Capt. Barnacle took out a red bandana
handkerchief, mopped his perspiring brow
furiously, and then sat down heavily on
a pile of rope and beamed at his no less
perspiring mate.
ut, Halfred?' he queried cheerfully
Well as the other passed grimy hand
over greasy face, well, I'll allow it is
warm; but | remember when l.
His "reminiscences were brought to an
abrupt close by a shrill female voice
from below.
care you a-comin' to ave your tea,
Emery Barnacle, or are Won not? 'Eres
the shrimps a fair Vaughn their tails
with the eat, and the butter runnin' to
hoblivity"
! 'HOblivion. Martha, hoblivon," mildly
corrected the captain, as he ambled down
into the cabin, where his better half was
awaiting her lord and master.
III ask you not to correct my lam
guage before the men, Emery" began
the lady, Indignantly
mo offense, my dear. no oflense," Capt.
| Barnacle assured her.
and what is more. I won't ave YOU
a-standing on the best carpet with your
dirty, tarry boots. Take them off at
once, Emery. and put your slippers on"
But, my dear" expostulated tha hot
and hungry captain.
'I'll ave no butts Emery Barnacle; so
long as you're my husband youth do as
you're told"
Capt Barnacle collapsed into chair,
and laboriously pulled off his boots, at
the same time depositing a fair amount
of tar and mud on the carpet.
"And now you may ave your tea, En-
cry; but mind you eat it Slow
'Ihanky very much, Martha" muir
INJURED the captain, and attacked the
shrimps and watereress with gusto.
81 see. my dear" he began, with q
mouth full of bread and butter.
Il think | ave mentioned to YOU be-
fore, Emery Barnacle, that no gentleman
ever utters a sillybull with his mouth
full"
The captain nearly choked in the eff
fort to amend his error. and for the rest
of the meal could not be persuaded to
utter word. to the annoyance of Mrs.
Barnacle. whose pet hobby was the cult
from mcrLing till night. week in. week
out, until the captain hardly knew how
he ought to treat his own crew; indeed
it was reported that he HAD sent mes
sage requesting that "Mr. 'Amilton would
be so good as to swab tffgm decks in a
more thorough manner" Mr.. Hamilton
was the deckboy.
That evening. when his worthy spouse
Uo Anin h. c.
shopping, Capt. Barnaele confded his
troubles to his first mate, Mr.. Heavytop.
Suddenly Mr.. Heavytop slapped his leg.
Il ave it, cap'n-the very thing; if it
don't cure Mrs. Barnacle of bein' lady.
III eat my sou'-wester. Thanky, cap'n,
L viii ave jest alf glass more-with
a dash Of soda, if you don't mind.
Ihanky; 'ere's to you Cap'n Barnacle"
They soiemnly drank to each other.
and then MIR. Heavytop expounded his
idea.
you must go balmy." was his start.
hing suggestion. You must develop what
is called mania"
What's that, Halfred?"
"A mania is scientific term. cam,
that means sort OF a-well, | hardly
know how to explain it to YOU. It's a
kind of complication, and means that
but no matter; as long as you ave
mania. you're all right. Now, your line
of goods in the mania way must be po-
likeness. You must always be on Your
best behavior, always-now d'you see :"
y delighted grin spread over Capt. Bar.
naces weatherbe face, and he shook
his fist mate by the hand
HATRED. you're wonder. What a
thing it is TO ave brains, Hatred, amt
il ."
With becoming modesty Hatred ac
kn1wledged that it was very useful
1t was Sunday morning and Capt. Bar. |
nacle was busy smoking his pipe and
looking up the river, when suddenly Mr.. |
Heavytop, who was standing close by, |
noticed peculiar expression on the cap |
tain's face-a vacuous, idiotic look that |
made him jump all over.
He went across and took the captain |
by the arm.
Are you i'll, capn?' he inquired aux.
iously. /
Capt. Barnacle looked the first mate
up and down, and then shook himself
free from the others hand.
Il am rot aware, sir, that we've ever
been introduced, and l make il an un-
broken rule never to address my con-
To strangers. | bid YOU a very
rnO1 d.y +" and with a S,vpOY;urr how a., /