The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-03-17

E el says, Is tho foremost volume in the world. and in the new edition is brought up to the latest minute of time, with the dying thoughts of all the great
 men that is dead, and new dying thoughts added as fast as other great
 ones die, up to the time of Solng 70
 press They can't die too fast for us. he says to keep the volume complete
 and up to date. That's our aim, and if new great one don't die in time to get in the new edition we change the thoughts of some that is already dead and in the book Progress and we aim to please. is our motto. he'
 biiitated at the word works ain't my way So went up to the word works and had look around"
 Word works?' inquired MT. Gilthrop. "The place where they eviscerate the words" explained MT. Eliph' Hew- lit. removing their tails and other yitals. went up there and met the
 boss of the word contractors--so called because they contract the length of the words--and he was a nice man,
 with a poor little word in one hand and 6 conductors punch in the other, punching holes in the word to see how 1t would look one way and another He
 had believe by the hind leg and had got 1t punched down to beley, and was
  out any more of 1t without killing 1t dead: This he says. Is to be one ot our next batch of three hundred. Aint it sweet and nice and short? We have high authority for this spelling. Josh 1 Billings spelt it so. Also 1t Is one of Chaucer's fifty-six varieties of spell ! ing It. We have lot of high old au- l thorities for it. Shakespeare spelt it this way when he was a boy. But we will have some that are even better than this in the next batch. There are 1 some you wouldn't recognize unless we told you what they were. Some lttmes I can't remember what they are
 myself. Nobody can. That's the beau ty of the simplified spelling. When we 1 get all the words simplified English will be every bit as good as Greek to most folks"
 i T told the boss contractor" said Eliph' Hewitt, that the first time l
 saw that word thru really did think
 it was Greek. and he shook his head
 and looked sad. That word says he, I was not as good as 1t might be. 1t
 was one of the first that left the fac tory. when we had only raw hands to work with, and they, hadn't got the hang of the machines yet and was nervous. It shouldn't have been sent 1 out to the trade. We should have held
 1t back and sold 1t to some dialect story writer. They like our mangled
 words first rate. and so far they have
 been our biggest buyers, and if the general sale don't pick up some guess
 we'll go in for that trade exclusively \ and git out brand of grammar to
 match And that" said Eliph' Hewitt,
 was what made me think maybe Jar- by was not all wrong. This marvel
 lous work of knowledge that I hold in my hands is not a dialect story
 book. and 1t don't aim to look like one
 and be sold under false pretences It
 is the crowning triumph of the world. containing information on every sub- ject from the Garden of Eden to Anlal- ganaated Copper, all carefully indexed,
 including, How to Pare Potatoes With
 out Waste. Hints for Sermons The Best Way to Clip Dogs Is Mars ln-
 habitedT and What to Feed the
 Baby as well as every subject known
 to man, woman and Mir. Roosevelt The
 whole book, including the handsome
 allegorical frontispiece. only S5, the
 equivalent of which amount in all the moneys of the world is found on page
 5S0. together with the metric system
 and how to tell a mans height by measuring his ear. If you like" he ad- ded. T will write down your order now"
 . MT. Gilthrop took the sample copy and turned the pages. If that appen- dix only wasn't simple spelled he said doubtfuily.
 'ENery subject under the sun fully treated" said Eliph Hewitt, "and a complete list of the three hundred sim , plified words, which no home should be without. A national work, and as such I begged Jarby, of Jarby & Goss | to put in the list of three hundred words and to spell out the appendix , in the simplified way, although after [. | so ha rc,+d- i longer believed in the bargain counter t style of spelling. I told ,Jarby my } reason for wanting them in and hC r agreed, The list of three hundred ii ] in each book, with the appendix as 6 ] sample of how to do 1t. and if desired t we throw in knitting needle free witt l which them that wish can take the t book and punch out all the letters tC
 make the whole block match the three hundred. It affords a pleasant occupa. ] tion tor the winter fireside and i'
 much enjoyed by young and old. 4 s butcher can do 1t as well as a col y lege professor and has as much right : none of the words of the English Ian guage being patented Or able to hi 5 back
 T guess I don't need no games tc T keep me busy" said Mir. Gilthrop . This butcher business keeps me bus!
 enough"
 3 'I should think if would" satC D Eliph' Hewitt. with sympathy. "YoI ]. do your own slaughtering. don't your r Every bit of it." said MT. Gilthrop g 'T drive out and buy the cows, ana 9 drive them to town. and klil them : have to do the whole thing"
 e Troubled much by meat inspectors?' 9 | asked Eliph', smiling at the butcher. n Never seen one yet said MT. Gil r thrDp, and don't want to-"
 td T-TIsx~ n ly you wonder what my reason was Q for wanting to have the appendix of thi " priceless work simple spelled. Do vol q think that EIiph' Hewitt and Jarby 6 '' Goss want Theodore Roosevelt to sent , a message to Congress explaining tha O Jarby's Encyclopedia of KnowIedg, '. and Compendium of Literature, Scienc u and Art is a monopoly because 1t con e tains in one volume all the knowledg O in the world? It Is too true. It doe S contain it. It is a monopoly. 'Jarby O I says, we must beware of the bil n stick. We must make a friend of tn
 President. We must spell the appen t dix simply or he will be sending Con k Rress one hundred thousand word S against us' That was my reason. An t only hope. MT. Gilthrop. that tn k President doesn't hear that Mir. Gil
 throp of Gallup's Junction, Is SC r against the spelling he loves. I onl s hope that when I write in to Jarb II why can't sell MT. Gilthrop a copy 0 l. this great work that the President don ,s hear of it and say:-'Hera ia this M,