New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1907-02-06

If we remember the story correctly, the boy
who cried Wolf" not the government
payroll. Tn olden days when men wanted To
get a harmless scare they Went 10 the village
theatre and watched travelling tragedianS
wrthe out agOnies and utter wild threats and
dreadful warnings. But time brings new ideas
and practices. which Supplant even the most
venerable of human institutions. In our day
government ownership is walled for and
kindly government Is disposed to yield 10 the
camOr The strong hand of the national adj
ministration turns whittier the restless fancy
Of the masses will. \ while ago the business of
mail carrying gobbed by the authorities;
in foreign parts the railroads, telegraphs and
even soap factories have been unparalleled, I'M
til our own country has been put To shame.
Our energetic President however. has, by
single clever net. placed the United States once
more in the front rank Of nations. He has, IN
known to himself and the public until yesterday,
introduced government ownership Of wolf CrieTs.
Judging from the first reports of the official
doings of the two federal wolf criers the limo
walton promises 10 he in several senses Of the
phrase. a bowling success. II is incomprehen-
sible why the President has expressed dlSap-
proval of Messrs Hanks and Hartman after
they have demonstrated so beautifully their fit
hess for this lofty lupine Office. can 1t be that
influences are NJ work 10 give this sacred trust
70 some other calamity h0wlers: can II be- that
the President has been persuaded that somebody
else can cry Wolf" more realistically than
Messrs. Hanks and Hartman? This IS hard to
believe.
or course. the salary attaching to this new
Office is much too large. The first iucunbcuts
howled Wolf" so Justify in the nelghborhood
Of the United States Treasury that its guardians
fed precipitatey, leaving $3.50 in the hands OF
the wolf criers. We feel that the matter Of
remuneration should be managed along more
conservative lines say on the usual theatrical
plan. \ building Of magnificent proportions
should be erected on Pennsylvania avenue for "A
new Department of Bugaboos The edihce
should be equipped with numerous audtoriumS.
in which the members Of the department might
give public performances ut stated times Adj
mission should be charged. small percentage OF
the gross revenue from the grewsome proceed
ings should be paid to the wolf criers and the
enormous balance credited TO general funds The
reader Will surely agree that $685. Is far too
large q sum 10 give to two vaudeville artists
for doing only one turn 9"
Although the Presidents letter to Mr.. Hanks
may temporarily suppress the Department OF
Bugaboos it Is certain that public wishes will
be respected after while and this newest form
of government ownership revived Eventually
the department must be filled by Civil Service
examination. Just few hints, then. 10 as
pirants In crying Wolf" be very careful not
TO specify the size. age color of the animal
Do not tell in which direction he is moving
Remember always that vagueness Is ndspen-
sable to success Again. always howl In pairs
This has the great advantages Of making twice
as much noise being more convincing and en-
abling each bowler to cite the other as his au-
thorty for the existence and whereabouts OF
the wolf. Finally. II is we'll to know Just when
the curtain should be rung down; an anti
climax caused by lack of seriousness on the
part of the audience IS both undramatic and
ineXpedient.
As we go to press the rumOr comes from the
highest authority" that the dreadful squelchlng
Of Hanks and Hartman has been brought about
by the subtle Vaccinations OF certain news
papers, which have represented to Mr.. Roose-
welt that their private prosperity would be seri-
Ously threatened by the naturalization of the
calamity bowling industry. This fear is quite
groundless: in this industry, unlike any other,
overproducton is not possible.