davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13
Boil Them Down.

From the Pitisburg Post
Congress cannot. Of course. put a limit
20 the length or number Of White House
messages, but 1t can set a good example
in its own proceedings. And it can lay
down the law 20 the departments so as
to improve the quality by reducing the
quantity Of stuff that goes through the
public printing Office. The people can see
no good reason for legal and official
speech 10 differ so radically as Il now
does from that obtaining in business and
social circles. There is nothing in law or
the affairs OF state that cannot be ex-
pressed In common speech and at reason
able length. though it may require some
radical and general changes in official life
before this fact is fully demonstrated.
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13
Mr. FowIer.s currency pronosaIs

Chairman Fowler. Of the House Com
mittee on Banking and Currency, believes
central bank OF issue to be a political
impossihility at present. But is it any
more impossible than the abolition of a
bond-secured currency and the substitu-
ton therefor of an asset bank currency?
Mr.. Fowler not only favors an asset
currency. but also the practical eIimina-
ton of State banks. thus bringing every
bank in the country under the operation
OF the national banking act. and endow-
ing il with authority. II his asset cur
rency plan is adopted to issue credit
currency to the amount of its capital
stock. In a recent address at Chicago
Mr.. Fowler offered these propositions as
basis of a new banking and currency
system:
"A law should be passed giving to the national
banks tie right of exercising in the respective
States where located all the powers Of executors,
administrators, guardians, and trustees Unless
this step is taken. the advantages now enjoyed BY
the trust companies viii gradually but inevitably.
compel the national banks to surrender their char
ters for trust company charters: for II trust com
rany is required TO cary only onehfth or one-half
the reserve Of 4 national hank ii can afford to pay
much higher rate Of interest upon deposits and
eventually undermine the national banks.
The right should be given TO narionai hanks IN
issue amount Of credit currency equal at least 20
their capital.
These two powers would have the effect OF bring
ing into the national system practically all the trust
companies and STATE banks II our recent experiences
have confirmed the public opinion that the required
reserves Of the national banks are none too high
Mr.. Fowler would preserve and extend
the national banking system. conferrine
! on the national banks the note-issuing
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13

function unhampered by the present re-
quirement for bond security, and en-
larging their powers so as TO enable them
70 compete on even terms with trust
companies and State banks. One OF these
propositions, that to force all banks into
the national system. will be recognized
as having been presented to President
Roosevelt a month ago by Eugene 4.
Prussing. Chicago lawyer, who has
made a special study of corporation prob
lens; and ii will be remembered also that
Mr.. Roosevelt was much impressed by
the novelty OF that and other ideas re-
specting corporate reform that were al
legged TO be the exclusive property OF the
Chicago man. Mr.. Fowler's conversion
to the Prussing plan for an extension of
the national bank system 10 include all
banking institutions is. II We mistake
not. somewhat recent. He has included
it in his proposals for currency legisla-
ton for the obvious purpose of saving
the national banking SYSTEM from what
seems to him an impending dissolution.
Should such dissolution occur, there would
be. of course, no means of issuing "A
national currency save through the
Treasury or a central bank.
Mr.. Prussing thought his plan would be
popular. and not Objectionable as an in
vasion Of State rights. II is possible that
the demand in some sections OF the coun-
try for a revival of the old State banks
of issue would be met by Mr.. Fowler 5
combination Of the Prussing idea with his
asset currency proposal. But. on the
other hand. the Fowler propositions will
encounter the opposition of those who
think the banks should not be intrusted
with the nOte-issuing function. This
brings US around 10 the real issue in the
currency controversy, which is whether
the government or the banks should issue
our national currency. The subsidiary
issue. between a bond-secured and an
asset currency. however. is sufficiently
formidable and viii have 20 be decided
first. 1t goes to the very vitals OF our
present currency system, and il will re-
Quire a good deal Of education 10 induce
Congress TO depart seriously from the
popular notion that the only safe bank
currency is one backed by United States
bonds TO the extent of It's face value.
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13
Ano,her PUMPKIN Pic Recruit

II the integrity OF pumpkin pie that
satisfying and soul-inspiring CASTRO
nomic delight. We're matter of minor
Importance, The Washington Herald
would treat it with scant courtesy, and
waste no space upon it. As it is dis
tinctly an American institution. how
ever, and hence subject 20 sinister and
vicious assault upon the part Of such
wolves in Sleeps clothing as the Nor
folk Landmark and the Houston Post.
perhaps the two most notorious expo
nents of the anti-pumpkin propaganda
in this fair land. we deem it our duty in
the crisis upon us 20 leave unturned no
stone that may fix definitely the re-
spectabllity and high standing Of the
same
II is with no small degree OF pride.
therefore, that we welcome to the ranks
of those who would preserve the pump
kin in all Of its goodness Mr.. William ].
Bryan's Commoner. The COmmoner
speaks by the card, and leaves nothing
to be desired as to it's loyalty TO pump
kin-especially pied pumpkin, as it were.
Witness this protest directed toward
those who would vilify il:
The worst nature faker' in the bunch is the
mean. contemplate. scheming. consccnceless Eel
low who hrst substituted squash for pumpkin aud
called the ooncoctiOn pumpkin pie
He is the grand high mogul Of the nature
fakers he is the most ilustrious potentate os the
Amalgamated Anauias Clubs he is the chief grand
saChcm Of the Undesirable Citizens and he DE-
serves the most lingering torture maginable-which
would be 10 compel him 70 eat imitation pumpkin
pies until he starVes to death
Leaves have their time 10 fall.
And flowers their tine TO die
But thou last all seasons for thine own,
o Pumpkin Piel'
We respectfully submit that this testi-
mony 20 the uplifting pumpkin is time
~ and in most excellent taste II bull
warks our definite and precise statements
OF the past. IL even inclines us to say
Il told you So or words to that effect
The great trouble with the average anti
pumpkin pieologist lies in the fact that
he doesn't know what in the world he Is
talking about, anyhow pumpkin pie
is one thing: a squash pie quite an
other. And the latter resembles the real
thing only as the mist resembles the
rain. We are not surprised TO learn that
the Commoner approves of pumpkin pie
No man who has fastened himself in the
affections Of the common people of this
country as securely as Mr.. Bryan has
could be other than an adherent Of this
democratic dish. The pumpkin pie. in
fact. may now be looked upon as another
strong link in the chain uniting him TO
the hearts of all the people. And the
sharp and ringing words he uses 10
establish real pumpkin instead Of squash
as the paramount issue in piecraft is the
apex Of the argument determining his
stanch American manhood.
Having committed himself definitely
and enthusiastically to the pumpkin pie
platform, however. and thereby in
sured to himself the further applause of
| the multitude. MIR. Bryan need not be
surprised 10 find it missing from his
choice collection of popular ideas some
fine morning. only to note it later en-
balmed in a Presidential message TO the
present Congress of the United States.
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13
THE NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS..


Her bioux are eclatant and her silver is repousse
Her manner is de rigeur and her mode is ecmHe
il faut,
Her eoifure Is delicieusc and her nose it is re.
trousse.
And tout le monde can tell you that her ton i,
very haut.
Her laugh evinces hauteur and her smile is tro'
degage.
Her moods are intersssant and her pout is very
chere,
Her dinners are most parfait and her household
ben menagee.
For tout le monde can tell you that she has much
savoir faire.
Her gown is De la Pax Rue and her style s
Fields Elysizn.
Her walk is quite horS d'oeavre and her tan
most s'il vous plat
in short her tout ensemble is dizb,eneut Partisan
Yet tout le monde can tell you that she hail'
from Pittsburg. Pa.
Richmond Tnnes-Dispatch.
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13

ing millionaires, VIII not care TO see the
rape Of their galleries and palaces en-
couraged. But to the victors in lifes bat
ties belong the spoils. and II our mer-
chants and manufacturers have toiled at
utilitarianism for years, until they have
acquired fortunes. II should be their right
TO do something for astheticism by spend
ing their money for works of art which
will enrich this nation and help its people
In Europe. where for a long time the
humblest workman has had before his
eyes specimens Of the best work in art
of the bygone centuries, the influence has
been, without doubt. wonderfully bene-
fetal. II has created an artistic and re-
fined taste that has found expression in
artisanship, and our tariff wall against
art has been a barrier between this sort
Of helpful influence and our own people
No nation has been quicker than our own
to recognize the value TO the country at
large of the education OF all the people
and 1t has long been a curious anomaly
that when our rich men have been willing
10 bring to our shores the educational
art treasures Of Europe they should have
been discouraged as they have. The
recommendation of the President may be
taken as a ecognition-somewhat tardy
II is true-of the importance OF doing what
is possible 10 bring the best art of Europe
70 the aid OF our citizens, who. having
no art heritage native TO the soil, have
to look abroad for their inspiration in
this regard. II is difficult TO imagine
what objections can possibly be urged 10
the Presidents recommendation. No COM
mercial or industrial interest can be hurt
by the removal of the duty on works OF
art. They are in a class by themselves.
unique; and surely we have had enough
replicas and bad limitations 90 lead us
astrayi Heartily it is TO be hoped that
our representatives in Congress Will see
fit speedily to enact the Presidents wise
recommendation into lava law that Is
bound to have a far-reaching and wide
spreading influence for the good.
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
THE SURE WAY.

He pleaded for kiss for hours,
But although he had pleading power
Poor was the sailing.
Fen when he got upon his knees
She needed not. and all his pleas
Were unavailing.
Next night he took another tack
And gave the girl a hearty smack.
IL was surprising.
But it was over ere she knew,
And he put in an hour or two
Apologizing.
There is a moral to our rhyme
And il you have a moments time
'ris worth the reading
The moral to the tale is this:
First go To work and get your kiss,
Then do your pleading
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13
Unjust Naval PUNISHMENT.

The annual report of the chief OF the
Bureau of Navigation makes passing
reference TO the fact that there were
several naval officers retired last June
for general unfitness. such officers being
Of professional deficiency and not OF
physical incapacity. II was expected
that the report would offer some substi-
tute for the unjust expedient of creating
vacancies in the commissioned personnel
OF the naval establishment. There has
been no more outrageous act committed
under the law than that which served
10 transfer to the retired list summarily,
and without hearing, certain officers
who were in the prime OF physical fit
ness. but who were counted to be un-
worthy OF association with other Off
cers-a judgment determined by a board
OF rear admirals. The whole proceeding
was part Of an inexorable scheme to
create vacancies in senior grades and so
help promotion.
There is no doubt that the naval per-
sonnel should be relieved of stagnation.
There Is nothing more demoralizing than
such state OF affairs in a military or
naval body. but there ought 70 be some
way OF affording the relief without
blasting the reputation of officers who
may be shunted out Of active service
through prejudice or in enmity. At
least, officers who are marked for that
sort Of uncomplimentary retiremen.
should have the right to be heard be-
fore they are advertised to the country
as incompetent and unworthy What
ever else is attempted in behalf Of the
naval personnel during the present ses-
sion Of Congress, there ought TO be a
statutory prohibition placed upon this
punishment OF naval officers who, If they
have done anything to merit disgrace.
ought TO be brought before court-mar-
tial. and allowed the privilege of defense
Mr.. Tillman thinks clearing house cer-
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13
ALL ABOARD.

All aboard for the water wagon,
Reservations for seats to-day:
At the first OF the year
We sail from here
Climb onto the water dray
We've a CARLOAD Of seltzer waiting,
We've cases OF ginger ale
And lemon sour,
OF wondrous power.
And pop in an ice-filled pail.
All aboard for the water wagon
Climb onto the seats so high:
Avoid the rush,
And the midnight crush
When the ola year says Goodbye
Get up on the water wagon,
Get up on the vichy dray;
Take an early start
For the water-cart
And travel the rumless way
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13

Senator JEFF" Davis expressed con-
tempt upon the floor Of the Senate for
the social society" of this land and his
further demand that some one solve the
reason for this were interesting inci-
dents in his speech, inasmuch as they
serve 20 remind US again how fearfuuy
and wonderfully the English language is
made.
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13

From the Richmond News Leader.
1t seems impossible for some people in
this country 20 realize that there is q
difference between the prosecution Of
crime and the persecution of business
Perhaps these persons have become ac-
eustomed. from immediate experience or
observation. to regard crime and business
as inseparable.
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13

Just little touch of realism" re
marked the dramatist with pardonable
pride. Its a wonder nobody ever
thought OF it before.
What is it?"
why my heroine is a brunette in Act
and a blonde in Act II
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13

The junior Senator from Arkansas SAYS
he has eight children, and lit doesn't
take $4,000 per year TO support them,
either" And. by the same token. we
know a number of people with eight chill
dren, and it doesn't take $500 year and
a mileage allowance to support them; but
nobody expects the Senator TO decline his
salary because of that.
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13
Irre.istibIe Termination.

From the Commoner.
The Washington Herald complains be
cause a few contemporaries ''swipes its
paragraphs" The Herald has no real
grounds for complaint. Very few men
are able to withstand all kinds OF tempt
alton. and the temptation TO "swipe"
Herald paragraphs is among the great
ones
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13
Dramatic Data.

The sidewalk conversation originated
in ancient Mesopotamia.
The business Of singing a topical song
at the stage boxes antedates the stone
age
Thespis was the first comedian to at
tempt TO run up flight OF stairs painted
on a back drop.
The origins OF the seltzer bottle and
slapstick are lost in the mists OF an
tiquity.
Early Chaldeans invented the funny fall
TO bass drum accompaniment
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13
watterson's Opinion OF Johnson.

From an Interview with Hsnry Watterson-
1t happens that / have known Gov
johnson for many years and have watch
ed his career with interest He is a most
exceptional man, both in character and
ability; steady-going. level-headed man.
who thinks first and acts sfterward: a
man WhO does things worth doing; moth
ing visionary or fantastic about him. lie
IS as typical an American IN his personal
ity. in his working methods. and in his
mental processes and perspective as may
be found among the rich progeny Of the
ScOtch-Irish. 10 which the country owes
50 much, being OF Scandinavian origin.
next after the Scotch-Irish high upon the
racial honor roll whence we have drawn
so many Of our statesmen and soldiers.
That means that he could not fail TO
prove, as he has already proven, a great
vote -getter
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13

OF the type that is be-
coming less common
every year. The "lum-
Der king" as he is
known. makes no pre-
tensions in dress or
speech, but wears a
brown business suit
most OF the time that
looks as if il might
have been bought in
almost any ready-tO-
wear emporium. A
back slouch hat COW
ers his white hair
when he goes into the
open air.
Notwithstanding his
seVenty-eight years Of
active life. Senator
Stephenson m oV e S
about with the agility
OF a boy.
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13
Ancient Ju.tlce.

From the Louisville Courier-Jeurnal.
The ancient Greeks provided that judges
should hear the arguments of attorneys
in dark room, lest they be influenced
by the beauty and the gestures Of the
orators. In America we parade a weep
ing woman and a bunch of hired alien
lists before sentimental jury. And We
boast OF our high civilization
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13

From the Augusta iGa) Herald.
The Washington Herald is a great pa
per. Just a little past its first birthday. it
already sets the pace for neighbors many
times it's age 1t is always newsy. always
crisp and bright and entertaining. deal
ing out wisdom and doing II TO make the
process interesting to its readers.
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13
VndeSIrnhIe CitIzens.

From the New York Herald.
Anarchists are not as dangerous as the
men who make it their business to cir
culate sinister rumors affecting the credit
and standing OF mercantile houses and
financial institutions
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13

From the Savannah News
Why should the leader Of the Republl-
can party, which claims all knowledge
with respect TO business matters. desire
TO consult with the leader Of the dwin-
ding Populist party?
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13

No one ever arises In the Senate and
proposes a felon's cell for sunny Uncle
Andy" Carnegie This proves that the
average statesman is great deal more
at home discussing an octopus than he
would be discussing a diplodoccus.
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13

Certain enemies may prove % be your
best friends, says the Baltimore Ameri-
can. Any reference 10 those undesirable
citizens now seeking TO make Mr. ROose-
Welt run again IN SPITE Of himself?
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13

1t isn't thought that Mr. Hoke Smith
accepted an invitation TO lunch with the
President yesterday for the sole purpose
OF assuring him that Mr. Thomas f.
Watson is the greatest statesman and
hnancier in Georgia.
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13
Growing Human Faculties.

From the Chicago News
BY new invention a cavalryman can
telephone through his horse. Clearly it
is only a matter of time until mankind
will be able TO see through a grindstone,
even II il has no hole In L.
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13

"Of course. II is too much to expect
that Jeff Davis will begin TO tear things
around the Senate wing Of the Capitol
until after the holidays. He must have
time 20 become acquainted. says the
Rochester Herald. Guess again,
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13

That New York judge who threatens to
put ''the Sunday actors" in Jail might
make the hit OF his life by extending his
operations TO include "A large section OF
the Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday. Thurs
day. Friday. and Saturday actors as well.
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13
Remembered for Tse

From the Boston Globe.
1t is a mistake 10 suppose that poIjti-
clans habitually forget their promises
They never do. They always bring them
J. out and use them over again.
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13

Now that the House OF Representatives
has received a tip from the White House.
will 1t pass Congressman Clayton's reso-
luton declaring Presidential third terms
repugnant 20 true American ideals?
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13

The inevitable. 10 poor but beautiful
girl. is an oldsh man with a narrow
chest and a million dollars.
Usually she accepts him.
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13

Thomas W. Lawson announces that he
is going out of the reform business" says
the Nashville American. We don't blame
him; the four-fiushers have about put the
business on the blink. as Mr.. John Law
renee Sullivan would say.
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13
Always n Kick.

Wen, you can't possibly find any fault
with this perfect day" ehirped the opti-
mist
No" grunted the pessimist, but it's
storm breeder"
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13

The fact that New Orleans has de-
termined to make the saloon keepers put
up the blinds and screen the front doors
on Sunday Is another thing that shows
the whyness of this prohibition agita-
tion around and about the country
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13

1t does not appear TO be the easiest
thing in the world for this country 10
demonstrate conclusively that it Is able
20 stand prosperity.
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13

"Uncle Joe Cannon describes the Stand
ard Oil fine as an accident" says the
Buffalo Times And we suppose they will
happen. even in the best regulated octopus
families
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13

Free silver end Julius Caesar are in
the same class says the Deseret News.
II being possible nowadays 10 swear by
nothing more tangible than the ghost OF
either
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13
Last Chance.

Now for Georgia here's a think.
Wise. / vow.
II you're going TO take a drink,
Do II now,
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13
Tired of Hot Air.

My dear, you grow prettier every day. :
And shabbier. John. Compliments are
all very we'll. but I'D like TO see little
ready cash occasionally"
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13
spnninrd. Good Canal pIsxers.

From the Boston Globe.
1t is interesting to note that the most
efficient work that is being performed on
the Panama Canal is that of the Spanish
laborers. a great number Of whom have
been imported for the task. They make
the best workers and their value is high
ly appreciated. The Spanish government.
however. is not pleased with the fact of
this Importation, and groundless criticism
Of the treatment that the Spaniards have
received has been accepted as an excuse
TO further a movement 10 stop the pro-
curement OF Spanish labor by the canal
agents. The fact is that Spain has a
serious problem OF emigration on her
hands, and Il Is natural that she should
use the false rumors Of the ill-treatment
OF Spanish labor on the canal to prevent
the depletion OF the diminishing supply Of
labor in Spain.
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13
Same Old Reason.

I've played the ponies 20 my grief,
year in, year out. day after day"
Then why do you keep at ito"
well. I've got a good thing for to-
morrow"
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13
OnIy Ono STAR Ered.

Prom the Baltimore Sun
According 10 the Courier-Journal. the
Democratic party is composed OF a lot of
sinners and Col Watterson.
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13

King Alfonso is said 70 be the most
hen-pecked King in Europe. This means,
of course, that he has another boss be-
side the baby.
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13
CAPITOL GOSSIP.

Senator Stephenson. the new soIon from
Wisconsin. despite the fact that he is
many times over a millionaire. is III hab-
its and mode OF thooght plain American
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13

Several tigers will be located in Geor-
ga after January I. without legal OBJ
lection" says the Atlanta Georgian. We
suspected as much, but hardly expected
the information via the Georgian.
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13

1T is pleasant to die for those we
love-" sings a Texas poetess; which is a
very pretty sentiment. even If one cannot
help wondering how she found it out.
The Washington herald., 1907-12-13

The very first thing Sweden's new King
did was 10 address the people" Evil
IDENTIFY he means 20 be an up-tO-the-min-
ute monarch and live up TO modern
ideals.