davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

a..
He: ANY one who dyes her hair hasn't
any brain to acknowledgements Herald.
NIisread 1t.
The Complaints: ~ know 1T was his ma
No, &C.,"
The Magistrate: But the man says his
automobile TO Is numbered 800"
The Complainant: We'll, was standing
Eagle.
"A Noble Purpose.
re marked the inquisliive person, what direct
oe men, 70 humanity viii result?"
we viii have the assurance" answered
the traveller. that there is ono spot
earth Where nobody asks Is 1t hot enough
Tor youf' w ashngton Star.
Over tho Drug Counter.
She was pretty and the drug clerk war
glad to sell her stamp
Also to weigh her letter. i
Also to lick he stamp and nffix It to the
envelope.
Put 1t on upside down, please" she sim
pered THAT means something to Charlis'
Then the drug clerk lost !nterest.--Pitts-
Run Down.
"of course said Tess a, Miss Yerner,.
wedding to Mr.. Timmid the bride looks
loveiy as brides always do"
Yes" replied Jess, but the bridegroom
doesn't, He appears rather run down
Run down? oh! yes caught after q
long chase."-The Hub
Nobody at All.
Mr.. jolly: There's one thing like about
Miss Barker. She never talks about any
body.
all her time talking about herself"---Sinurt
Set, Esg..t 81 .,st
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

There are 5000 100000 nerve cells in
the average human body. says the New
York Press. Figure for yourself the
number there would have to be in the
average trust ma gnate's body.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

If you want to give the air Of being
a literary fellow in New York these
days, go into restaurant and Call
loudly for big portion of the genuine
Gertrude Atherton fried chickens
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

The American Press Humorists' AS
sociatio" will hold It's fifth annual
meet at Los Angeles, Cal. September
l5th.2ed next. The membership roll
of the association includes many of
the best known humorists in America,
not emitting DR.. Mark Twain, of On
ford and the U. S. A feature of this
years convention will be n grand en-
tertainment in which all the funny
fellows will take part, the proceeds to
be devoted to a monument to Bill Nye.
This monument, which will be erected
at Laramie, Wyo., is one strictly seri-
Gus work which the Humorists have in
hand, and the public generally is in
vited to contribute to the fund now
being raised for that purpose. Sub
scriptiors in any amount may be sent
in to this Office care Rhymes for To-
Day" and will be duly forwarded to
the treasurer of the fund.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

An Indiana jurist declares that the
modern Judge lacks back bone, Mr.
belief Is that the average
judge not only has plenty Of backbone
but that 1t is located In his cheek.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08
rLEADs For HUSBAND.
Charles Iudwell Is. However. Heavily Fined
andl LII

and Jailed.
Charles Kidwell. who was nned SO last
week on the charge OF threatening 10 Xiii
his landlord. was yesterday morning fined
40 and sentenced TO thirty days In jail on
the charge OF beating bis wife. Mrs. Kid
well tried to beg her husband on but JUS
tice Crutchfeid refused to let him go, Mrs
Kdweli received black eye and other In
juries from the hands of her husband.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

Unless Governor Glenn is quicker in
explaining that he didn't mean no
harm" lie may as we'll prepare for a
lese ma jestc wire from Lincoln, Neb.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

r. d. Bailie, Scottsville, John r.
Crown. Norfok A. r. Hurd. Jr,
Farmvil!e: Harris Hart, Roanoke, and
%. Ct. Maphis. Charlottepille. are
among the Virginians who are stop
ping AT MurphNs
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

Former Superintendent of Schools
Joseph Fl. Saunders, Of Portsmouth,
Is registered at Murphy's. Profess
sor Saunders Is acting State School
Examiner for the Underwater district,
while Examiner Willis A. Jenkins of
Newport News. has charge OF the
state educational exhibit at the
Jamestown Exposition. and is here
attending meeting Of the Board OF
Examiners. @
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

The diamond reef In Pike county, ARR,
may be the real thing" but the tom 10
crop IN little Delaware looks like better
collateral. Three million dollars In ton1a-
toes makes a brave Tshow.-New York sun.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

Professor Lowell asserts that Mars
has a canal closely resembling oui
own Panama one. We wonder how
the professor knew it was canal.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

Among tho yrginians at 1.-THE Rich
mond are Ballard Keen. Danyille; lr-s
wing S. Harvey, Newport News. and
j. w. johnson, Clifton Forge.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

Maxim Gcrky says that Americans
are a silent. gloomy people" OF
course. they seemed that way when
Max was around.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

II Paris continues to consume equines
at present rates, she will soon make
herself the horselaughing-s stock Of thu
world.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

C. C, CLANCY and wife, OF birch,
Va, are stopping at the Lexington,
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08
Nobody at All.
POINTS FROM PARAGRApnERs.

land has decided TO approve OF our
clothes. II we could make Germany
like our tariff the European concert would
De harmonized quite TO our purposes,-Sew
York World 90 IF4Fr,
Mr.. Foraker has been thoughtfuliys pre-
scented with the core of the apple by the
Ohio Observation-Disclosures News.
An actress has married a dramatic critic
Revenge?~-Se" York tAnierican.
Senator Knox has managed to ma ntain a
boom oftyery respectable proportions with
cut any. Incidental embellishments In the
way OF rescues or complications in bev-
Observation-Disclosures STAR
Ex-Presdent Cleveland Is going nshlns.
and will probably do little rebaltlng on
his own hook.-Detrolt FREQ Press
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

Why doesn't the lady who can't live
on her income go ahead to Philadel,
phia2
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08
POEMS YOU OUGHT TO KNOW

Whatever your
With AFFAIRS
refrehment poetrypo Eliot
Norton
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08
No. 1850.
To Julia
nv nonERT nnnRlc11.

Her eyes the glow-wor lend thee,
The shooting stars attend the0;
And the elves also,
Whose little eyes glow
Like the sparks Of fire, befrend thee!
No Will o. thc-Nvisp insight thee
Nor snake or slow worm bite thee!
But on. on thy way,
Not making stay,
Since ghost there Is alright thee.
Let not tho dark thee cumber;
What though the moon does slumbcr?
The stars OF the night
Will lend thee their light,
Like tapers clear without number.
Then. Julia let me thee
Thus, thus to come unto me;
And, when shall meet
Thy silvery feet,
My soul Ill pour into thee.
II The Times Dispatch Oct H. 1903. one is published
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

, The Dutch Room at The Richmond
is closed for the week, while 1t is
being redecorated. The color effect
of the new decorations will be very
pretty and will add greatly to that
portion OF the popular hostelry. Man
.aEer Atkinson said last night that the
doors of the Dutch Room would be re-
opened to the public about Saturday.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

Rocketellers proposed s25OoO0 900
fund for Chinese missions may also
feel the recoil,
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

Casa Blanca is amassing nice little
store of hombards.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

II YOU see railroad lying around
anywhere this summer, don't fall TO
kick it in the Stats,
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08
For AAnrn. MANI

lands Is the fine goods. Amt he
John2
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

We have no reason to believe, how.
ever, that the North Pole regards Well
man as very dashlng young buck.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08
MERELY JOKING,

Proved.
She; DO you think dyeing the hair In
jures the brain r"
He: ANY one who dyes her hair hasn't
any brain to acknowledgements Herald.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

Some surprise is being expressed IN
astute circles over Judge Landis's tar
diness in announcing his candidacy.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

BY MAIL one SIN Three one
POSTAGE PAID. Year. Mos. Mos Mo.
Daily with sunday $500 $500 $3.50 90
Daily without sunday 400 200 LOO 30
Sunday edition only, 200 60 90 20
Weekly wednesday,, 100 50 20 so.
BY Times. Dispatch carrier Delivery. Ser
vice in Richmond tand suburbs), Manehes-
ono Week ono Year.
Daily win sunday. III cents $3.50
Daily without sunday.lo cents 10y
Sunday only .,,.s...,. . cents s'aV
tYearly subscriptions payable IN advance
--------.
Entered January a. 1903, at Richmond,
Va, us second-class matter. under act OF
Congress OF March 81 1879.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

40, :, ior warm NenthcT.
iiell ~ iull OF peek-s-bo waists savs a
minister And what style could he more an
proprtate for that Innate ?--Louisyille Cop.
rier. OurAal. az - ~ 49,
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

How 10 CALL rlMEs.prsrArcH
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

THURSDAY, AUGus $, 1907.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

Or. Lyon Gardiner Tyler, Of Will
liamsburg, president of William and
Mary College. spent yesterday In the
city, and. when seen at the Licking
ton by Times Dispatch man. de-
clared the situation quiet in the old
burg.
DR.. Tyler said there was nothing
OF interest going on In politics; that
1t was vacation time at the college.
and that all was quiet at the hos
"pital, where such ~trenuous scenes
were enacted last winter.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

Hon. Richard B. Davis. senior mem
Der of the law firm OF Davis e: Davis,
OF Petersburg, spent yesterday in the
city looking after legal business.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

Mn. nochEFELLER's NEW DInTH.
AR. John =, Rockefeller appears to
be worrying less Than some Of the
newspapers over the big fine mpos ed
On Tie STANDARD oil Company. Mr..
Rockefeller quit worrying fourteen
years aeo.t when he quit business and
turned his attention 10 his health.
Absorbing 10 Dr. II. II. Biggar, MIR.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08
has now been fuzzy corroborated /

has now been fully corrobornted by
both our local contemporaries.
The Tiines-Dispatcli Ia pleased at
The News Leaders, ,la.nissiun that 1t
follows the columns Of this paper
closely in It's q,est for, news. Even
when such news SO 1t alleges Is thlr-
ty- Two years old, tho News Leader
thoughtfully waits. II appears, for The
Times-Dis catch to collect and print It,
All this is nothing now to The Times
Dispatch, and we offer no objections,
When the News Leader, however, por-
ing over Tho Times Dispatch with It's
pasto-pot and scissors, gets stung with
a story which 1t believes to be in
accurate, 1t is not seemly OF fitting
that 1T should squeal
-===
Georgia is determined to have COM
plete prohibition, and. as the bill has
been passed and signed by the Cover
nor, the Legislature will now turn It's
attention to the social clubs. IT Is
proposed to levy prohibitory tax of
$4,000 upon all clubs not open to the
general public which permit intoxi-
cants to be kept In lockers for the use
of members, or on the premises for any
purpose whatever. Tho measure Is
designed as reinforcing clause to the
prohibition bill, and the prohibitionists
Will undoubtedly make strong effort
to pass it.
The same question, in somewhat dif-
fcrcnt form, will come UP for discus
sion in the next Legislature of Vir-
GINA ColonA George G, Cabell, Of
Norfolk, proens to introduce bill
providing that no social clubs shall
dispense intoxicants to It's members on
Sunday. This privilege, which the so.
cinl clubs enjoy has been abused by
many fake clubs, and Colonel Cabcll
has satisfied himself that the only way
to stop the abuse is to prohibit all
social clubs to dispense liquors on Sun.
day.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

tney mad fOllOWeu the ADVICE gave
them" Nor could Albert have made
such an assertion without somebody
had failed to learn him his grammar.
There is no room for pessimlsts in
Georgia." says the Atlanta Journal
firmly. No, indeed. Texas Is the place
for pessimists. There is plenty of room
down there. and everything In the
world 10 be pessimistic about.
If you want to give the air Of being
a literary fellow in New York these
days, go into a restaurant and Call
loudly for big portion of the genuine
Gertrude Anterior fried chicken.
An Indiana jurist declares that the
modern Judge lacks backbone. Mr..
Rockefeller's belief Is that the average
judge not only has plenty Of backbone,
but that it is located In his cheek.
There are 5000, 100000 nerve cells in
the average human body. says the New
York Press. Figure for yourself the
number there would have to be in the
average trust ma gnate's body
Unless Governor Glenn is quicker in
explaining that he didn't mean no
harm" lie may as we'll prepare for a
lese-maj este wire from Lincoln, Neb.
Professor Lowell asserts that Mars
has a. canal closely resembling our
own Panama one. We wonder how
the professor knew it was canal.
Maxim Gcrky says that Americans
are silent. gloomy people" Of
course. they seemed that way when
Max was around.
II Paris continues to consume eqnines
at present rates. she will soon make
herself the horselaug ching stock Of the
world.
We have no reason to believe, how.
ever, that the North Pole regards Well.
man as very dashlng young buck.
Some surprise is being expressed IN
astuta circles over Judge Landiss tar
diness in announcing his candidacy.
| -------------------
II YOU see a railroad lying around
I anywhere this summer don't fail ID
/ kick it in the Stats,
l'ockefelcrs proposed s25O0O0. oOl
fund for Chinese missions may also
feel the recoil
Why doesn't the lady who cant liv,
on her income go ahead to Philadel
phia2
Casa Blanca Is amassng nice littl,
store of bombards.
John?
I
For Warm Weather.
ksa m U lists "
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

published
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08

Put 1t on upside down, please" she sim :
pered THAT means something to Charlis.''
Then the drug clerk lost !nterest--pitts-
burg Post.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-08-08
"A Noble Purpose.
"SupposIng YOU dis

over tho DrlE Counter.
She was pretty and the drug clerk wu=
glad to sell her a stamp.
Also to weigh her letter. (.
Also TO lick the stamp and afix It TO the
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-03-22
LUNCHEON UNDER
Waters SOUND.


4 BRIDGEPORT, CONN N March 2 /. - -
Mrs. ohm M. T hurston, wife of If or1ner
United States Senator Thurston,8 ofs Ne
braskn,. and Mrs. !. O. Lake, wife3 OF
the ass slant manager Of the Il Lake
Submarine # orpedo Boa Company,3a and
said n to be the ff.st j wo oman ever To-
make a trip in q; submarine boat, were
among d party Of prominent persons
that made d 4 trip on a 4 su bmarine to-
day. The boat was $ ubmerged for
two hours in Long Island Sound Just
outside the bridgeport harbor, during
which time luncheon was served and
an hour devoted to impronptu speech
makin g. s 3 s8
Besides these two ladies' thu SipartY,
Included Admiral Endico t, United
States Navy (retired) I; Lieutenant Rad
Iler$De Aquina, naval attache q, Brazilian
Legation. Washing ton; Cortlandt T.
Bishop, president, and Anguish Isl Post
secretary, Aero Club of America, New
York and former Senator NJ, Thurs
ton, Of II N ebraska. = 5ii5 n
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-03-22
Record B L eakiilnig5
P rices.


Nice New California I'runes, per lb i. So
sweet Cniifornin ran gees, sl0x Y. Il
Good Carolina Rice, per lb III, . . Il. n, De-
z lurEe bars swift'H Pride Soap for. :5Gssss
hest American Grnnulated Sugar III
per pound Il, X. 81 |. . 4. 4. q 3-%s.}
Hest Quality ToMntoes, can I, !, |, 7s,s
Sugar Corn, q Cans for. \, 4 4, 81, /,
(: lbs, Mountain toll nutte for !, .,,ii. :.1e
Clipped Deef, % can, s cans for, I, &. :::aac
New Navy Reans. per at. n, n. - !. u. To-
Large Irish P0tatocs, zoe peck or, gsSssSs
per h,,shel b, ", Il, Y. !. I, .77;cS
Linn Denns, 4 lbs. for. .,. 3. J, I, |. !. ESQ
Hest Cream Cheese,l - lbs, for Il, ::5es,
AlOther'x Oats, pack Asa 4. &. I. 4. De-
French Candy. per p0,lu /. . . h{,sl
GpGd Salt Pork per iii II, ~. +, & 1-2Is
NIacur0ni or Spaghetti, per lib q 4. 4 90
Witch Hazel Toilet Soap, . to box. lOc8
5Wh0le Sweet Pickles, Der at.s..3, Y, 1907
Sweet Mixed Pickles, at. hot .,,... lOc@
large b0t tiles Tomato Catsup Z. !, q, 1Oes5
4 Fresh or Corned california; Hams, sBT
e per pound 81. II 3l-:e,I
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-03-22
.HEXAMER lAUDs
STURDY R |! GERMAN {. M|'|AI||,h
UNRESTRICTED IMMIGRATION
The Gernlan-A11crican Alliance
Stands for&'rhis and for
Broadest Liberty.

= 81 + z T. \ 1 ,
Or. G. j. Irexamer, president Of the
National German7American Alliances,
md one OF the most distinguished
lGerlnun- American citizens OF Thiln-.
ldelphia,m made %an eloquent address last
night mt Snenger Hall to a large and
Representative audience of German
citizens Of Eichnond, The speaker
was expected to discuss "tmmigration
and Civil government" but admitted
that he had not been Informed of}this,
and had desired to outline the aims
and progress Of the alliance or which
he the 4 head q.
Or. Hexancrtis of commanding pres
cncc and of brilliant intellectual pow
graceful, forceful and times elo-
5qucnt Ills address in English last
night was brief, consuming less than
half an hour, but he followed this with
AN address In German, In which he
aroused tie enthusiasm Of his audi
8cnce to high degree. Ills address
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-03-22

in English was in the main a eulogy
Of the Germans, in America and their
share IN the y lstorY ma king poe ts
the course Oft t he traced the German
from the beginnings Of the /
REPUBLIC, and even before the settle
ment Of " this country. pointing out
and patriotic contributions Of the Ger
man E$ IN the crises that AL havo S5 cor; "
fronted the American n pc p e. The Sec
rotary Of the National lllancc fol-
lowed Dr. IIeSamor, who speaking for
fifteen or twenty minutes In his&native3
tongue, discussed the status and work
Of the organization, s II ,y wi 5.
II. w ork Of Germans.
dueeu eari k sai Vic
p;resasa aurinE J, Il dis
posit#po population OF this country to IA
flower garden with every variety OF
blossom thriving therein s$# Hei pointed
out that Salthough Americans ref {: d - s:
Il ten to heir ma ton as an An lO Saxon
country ,a as a mat ter Il Of fact about
thirty per cent, Q E 4 the population s OF
German. origin;8 bout TWEEN ty-seyen 55of.
Guiding the Nv elsh. He could mot see
how this could max 8 it an Angl Saxon
country, save that Eng lishsIwa IS the
To lis fellow ailSys' erman americans 81
Richmond a Dr.: II amer extended1 the
greetings OF hal { X: a million members
of the German All lance. his organ
Sization; he g Jared stood 70 unre-
the aged, helples IS and infirn, paupers
and such persons # hould ( be excluded.
wv hen tho entire country was crying
crops We're rotting lin Nle h fields for
i lack Of men to harvest and store, them,
why should we. desire to restrict#im-
migration ?"s he asked.
E8t& The speaker eclared that INN! graz
ton from all nations should be well
comed h and tina t each had contributed
|1its characteristic quality to our&co
posite character. and among these he
commended Bespe clally tho, freshman and
the German. gl5si!!sl
He then viewed the history Of Sthe
hemisphere, showing u NJ passing h the
Part payed
their progenitors They had crushed
the Roman Empire; hoy had discover
ed America enturies before: Columbus
heritage OF German philosophy, ane
{ the great music masters and many 81
Its great poets and prose writers
among whom he named Schiller
! Goethe, Leasing and others. B3$
Little in School Histories.
The first real set Element by German,
settlers brought with them German
| grit and energy and their&trades, BIZ
above al this the spirit OF liberty
While. the colonists in New Ilnglnnt
! German colonists In 8Pennsy lvnni,
We're protesting against the institution
of African s. ayery.5 Had this protes
| been needed some OF tho darltestBchap
tors In American history would nav
i been omitted, al 5 l5S 8 St5{E
Passing on, the speaker attributed t
4 the German many valuable services t
the colonists n the French and ndial
i came on, twas the German Who say
1 tho necessity of cutting "a tho GOrdia;
4 knot Eund fighting for slberty, IIe do
i precated the fact that school historic
i contained little record OF the German
i part In tho struggle for independence
s"snye that tot The poor Hcsslnns VIII
were unWillingly fighting for n mas
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-03-22
ka I'M M MS
$780,
ST. JCCE,tS,S
y
3XRheurnatisln Remedy

I want every rheumatic. 70 throw away
and try III UNY ON,S 80 * II flEt AT1sNt
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1T for YOU If he has none In stock There
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Remember. this remedy contains no
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consider the best. T ~ the remedy. and
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money. iii n t5s N III s8 FIJI
No room 6doubtng no room for
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+, II you have a ny 9 her3 ailnen t remen-
for 81 ailments We have no .cire-alis 3
Our Cold Cure cures the cold. Our Cough
Cure Is worth more than all the emul-
sions. all the oils, q i the ha lsnlns and
Youacan prove this statement by the In
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Ny. Kidney Cure, believe. has saved
more lives and cured more chronic cases
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Ny Dyspepsia. and stoma eli Remedy en-
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My Constipation Ointment gives a nat
nral movement In from two to three nlin-
utes. and u S rap dly taking the place OF
all ca thartics and weakening nostrums.
MY Headache Cure stops all. headaches
in from 8 to " O minutes, and is a good
heart and stomach tonic f44
NJ All persons suffering with Piles Il mos.
earnestly ask Y to s try my Pile Ointment.
sit stops all itching and pains Instantly
4 None back If it fails to cure. and cure
Il quickly. M "a
# Munyon's yitalizer gives yigors and
/ strength 4 70 old men land & rest torres lost
H powers. al 3.f sfs UEY on