The Washington herald., 1907-03-03
She spoke with stem displeasure
Wh1n DE did s0me silly stunt
She thought that bed be taken abGck :
Inslcal. be took alironL


uscfal 10 the next batch CT chauneurs
who are hailed into court for exceeding /
the speed limit. There is 40 doubt in his
mind, he says. that more than half the
srccd-crazy folk ara not responsible for
1iel- whizzing- They are intoxicated. You
;.cc not 10 understand that they have
been looking on the wine when 1t was
red o. seeing through a cocktail glass
darkly Many total abstainers exceed the /
speed limit because of intoXicatiOn, and
it's gasoline that steals their wits away.
I dent know anything worth mentioning
about the mechanism Of a motor car. but
there are times when a carburetter isn't
quite in trim and gasoline floods il. Now,
tho fumes Of gasoline are extremely pcne-
trating and powerful. over in Germany
surgeons mix benZine with chlorof0Tm TO
produce auesthesia. Gasoline by itself,
if inhaled for an hour or So, VIII make Il
man absolutely drunk. If something goes
wrong with your car, the wasted gasoline
does more than scent the landscape. Il
steals into your nostrils and bcfudIicS
your brain. You think you are going &C
"a suails pace, when in reality you are
merely occurring here and there on the
highest pIaces If YOU tinker long enough
ton TO run over your grandmother
ci.arioung. And the beauty of il is. that
gasoline jag Is a thing which does not in
VOlvc moral tuvpitude You are absolutely
blGmcless, and / have no doubt you
could sue the man who MADE the ear Tor
the amount OF the fine speeding costs you.
You can't help it If your car gives out
fumes. The idea is ii new one TO me, and
/ am waiting with feverish anxiety TO
hear what some judge says when an In
nocent, but misunderstood chauffuer
makes the plea OF involuntary intOXica-
t.on-auto inIoxicauon, one might call it.
Doubtless in time physicians will provide
Il serum Tor it so that when YOU feel
the speed frenzy seize you YOU can take
dose and proceed in a gasoline-proof
condition.
That same physician tells about going
TO visit a small victim of grip recently
He asked the child whether she knew
how 10 gargle her throat and she showed
him that she did
That's very good" said the physician
Pride painted itself large on the child
face.
THAT'S nothing" she said, you ought
10 hear me say my prayers"
A lady who is locally famous for her
sayings. asked Il visiting Italian 90 din
Hcr not long ago Her hosDitablc spirit
PROMPTED her TO give the affair an Italian
flavor. She provided yards and yards of
nlacaroni, but through some oversight OF
the part of her wine merchant the
Chiaut she ordered was not sent to her
I'm so sorry" she said TO her distin-
gUished guest. 4 wanted everything TO
be Italian but I'm afraid youH have to
put up with champagne. The Kankakee
didn't come
When two or three were gathered to-
E-ther the other evening the conversation
termed on the question of vocabularies.
Not one Of Us can define more than
hale the words he uses" declared the
school teacher. we have a general idea
of their meaning, but we couldn't give
satisfactory definitions TO save our
lives"
The man who writes stories objected
and whom he objects he always argues
unanimously. He was sure he could de-
fine any word he had ever used.
Its 90 use to discuss II, though" he
said. nnally-he always says that when
he's Lad his say and doesn't want to
give YOU yours. Wed always be at
loggerheads about it,"
And what is a lOggerhead?'' asked
the school teacher
The man who writes looked a trifie
taken abaCk.
why, people are at loggerheads when
they arrive ut a point beyond which
why, when there's no way out-no way
of getting any further. A loggerhead. 7
may say. is a conversational cul-de-sac,"
he said. somewhat hesitatingly.
And don't you know what a logger
head really is?" persisted the school
teacher.
Frankly. I don't" confessed the man.
DOCS anybody in the crowd know
Nobody knew The lawyer opined that
II was another expression for a log jam.
The Congressman's wife was sure 1t had
something to do with lOg-rOlling.
Its d turtle" said the school teacher,
triumphantly. An diversified mud turtle
i found it out just to-day. And now
viii you go on saying you can define all
the words you use:'
The man who writes, however, was not
70 be beaten.
4 should have said that I was defining
the word in its fgurative sense" he
said. Il defined it exactly
Whereupon. he and the school teacher
were at lOggerheads again.
Washington woman who IS spending
the winter down in Mississippi sends me
a photograph Of a very curious pair OF
friends in her neighborhood. One Of the
chums is 4 Jersey COW and the other is
q half-grOwn razOr-back pig. n heartless
butcher deprived the COW OF her calf and
the pig of his mother on the same day.
The pig Immediately attached itself to the
COW. Forsaking his pen, he sleeps in the
stall with her. and when she gocS out to
Craze he follows giving as good an i'm
itation Of a Jersey calf as his congenital
limitations viii permit. He eats grass
Joyously under his adopted mothers
proud eye. and when instinct overmas-
ters him and he begins TO root the COW
interfeTes, pushing his eager snout gent
y away from the ground. If dogs set
upon him, he runs 10 the COW for pro-
lection and she drives them away with
threatening horns. Sometimes when she
gazes on that pig a shade Of disappOint-
ment fits across her placid features.
Even the eye of love can't make a razor
back pig look quite like a Jersey calf.
and there must be times when her soft
mooing doesn't sound quite so comfort
ing TO the pig as a grunt would. II is
an unusual friendship and the woman
who owns the two watches it with in
terest She feels quite sure that in tie
course Of time either she COW Will begin
10 root or the pig Will learn 10 chew
'cud
Two women sat near me at luncheon
N a department store one day last week
and as they toyed with their coffee and
their chocolate cellars they carried on
one Of those frank pathological dialogues
which are 50 appealing 10 the casual
listener.
"Jennie certainly was IN sick. the