Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-12-04
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us the ship stripped to repel board.
ersT mo, repel souvenir flends."--
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Binks-Does strong coffee keep you
awaken Jinks-How do known
board.-somerville Journal.
Nell think Maud has more color
than her sister. BELIEVES; about 80
cents worth more.-Philadelphi Rec.
ord.
do you believe that the good die
young" II think they do, II all my
wife tells me about her first husband
is true"-Pick-Me-U Up.
Cautious Customer Tin drug store)-
How much do you charge for dimes
worth of tooth powder7 New CLERK
twenty-five cents. Chicago Daily
News.
1.-THE doctors have finally agreed
upon the cause of Markley's illness"
"Ah, they've held another consulta-
tion?" mo; post-mortem."-Ph iladel.
phia Press.
Lawyer-As your husband died intes-
tate, you will, of course, get a third.
Widow-oh, hope to get my fourth.
He was my third; you know.-Town
and Country.
7 thought you were married, and
yet you're sewing on your own but.
TONS" II am married, but I keep my
independence, let me tell you."-Meg-
gendorfer Batter.
scribbler-I understand the inmates
Of the Home for the Feeble-Minded arc
going to publish magazine Quibbler
Isn't the field rather overcrowdedl-
Philadelphia Record.
Wife docking up from her book
You know a great many things, John;
now, what do you think should be done
in case of drowning? Husband
Have funeral, l should think.
Cynicus-I have been engaged to at
least dozen girls. Sllicus-Always
been unlucky in love, eh? Cynicus-
Oh, I don't know. I've never married
any Of them.-Phlladelphia Record.
Butcher Come, John, be lively now;
break the bones in Mr.. Simpsons
chops and put Mr.. Smiths ribs in your
basket John-All right, sir; just az
soon as I've sawed OF Mr.. Murphy's
leg.
George" murmured the young wife,
IAN as dear to you now US I was
before we married." II can't exactly
tell" replied the husband, absent-mind-
eddy. II didn't keep any account Of my
expenses then"
Mr.. Chips docking up from the pa
per)-The doctors have discovered an.
other new disease. Mrs. Chlpps-Well,
l wish they'd stop looking for new dis.
eases long enough to find a cure for my
old rheumatism.
Old Scotch farmer (having spent six
pence on race ticket for a pony and
trap, value ESQ, and having won) is
shown the prize. After gazing critical-
ly at it for some minutes: "But
whaur's the whup?
Chapleigh-I say, druggist, can you
-aw-giye me something to-aw-
bwighten me up, doncher know? Drug
glst-You're in the wrong place, young
man. This is drug store, not night
school, Chicago Daily News
what pleased me most" said the
man who had been abroad, twas the
wonderful clock at Strasburg." "Oh,
how I should like to see it!' replied
the ignorant youth. "And did you see
the watch on the Rhine, tooT
District visitor-What has brought
you to the destitute condition. Apple
cant-It's my wife, mum. "Your wifel
How is that?" .'Well, you see, mum,
I've got her. three good situations, and
I'm blessed If she could keep one of
them"
YES" said old Roxley, "my daugh-
ter is to be married next month to Lord
Brokelelgh." "Ah" remarked the.
friend, 'everything's settled, eh?'
"Well, guess notl You don't ketch
me paying in Observation-Disclosures
Press
"of course, Tommy" said the Sunday
school teacher, you'd like to be an an
gel, wouldn't you2" "Well-er-
yes'm," replied Tommy, "but I'd like
to wait till can be full-grown angel
with gray whiskers." - Philadelphia
Press.
First Summer Girl-who is that
clean-shaven, handsome boy? Second
Summer Girl-Oh, he's an actor. First
Summer Girl-No; I mean the other
one. Second Summer GirlTOh, he
hasn't any money, elther.-Harper's
Weekly.
Little Boy-Mamma, I wish you'd
find out who 1t was hypnotized me, and
punish 'em severely. Mamma-Wha-at1
Little Boy-Whlle you was out was
pulled right into the pantry, an forced
to eat hull lot of those cakes you
said l mustn't touch.
"How are you, Broom?" asked a
bluff old sailor of flop who was al
ways annoyed unless he was addressed
as Mr.. Broom, and who responded,
I'D have You to know, sir, that I've
a handle to my name." "Oh, all right!
How are you. Broom handlew
A lady has grumpy servant too lit.
tie given to washing. Other hints hay-
Ing failed, the mistress said, in tone
Of deep confidence, II am told, Mary,
that If you wash the face every day in
hot, soapy water 1t will make you beau.
tiful." "Will 1t, now?" answered Mary.
Its a wonder you haven't tried IL
yourself"
Not So Bad as It Seemed.