The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1907-05-15

the end Of fifteen miles I was reward.
ed. I came across the old man at a
house where he had stopped to court a
widow woman and try to work the
tintype business.
I am but a weak worm of the dust
when it comes down to it. 1t would
have been a tender and juicy bit Of
brotherly love to have presented the
old cuss with a dozen bottles Of the
alleyiator and kissed him on the cheek
and hidden him go and sin no more.
That's what he expected me to do, but
I disappointed him. I invited him out
Of the house, and when he smilingly
follered me I proceeded to lamn him.
I mauled him. I chugged him. 1
hammered and punched him. 1 made
him to cry unto the sever angels for
mercy. When he was a licked man
I gathered together my own and rode
triumphantly away, never needing the
offer of the widow to marry me in: his
place. Lest I seem boastful I may
say that when I had had time to over
haul myself I found that I had sui
fered- -:
One black eye. >
One skinned nose.
One bitten thumb.
One bleeding a
One loose tooth.
Thus it ever is. The machinashuns
Of sin may prevail for a short time
over integrity, but the race is brief
and the victory soothing to the soul.
The only damage done to the outfit
was to the grasshopper in the bottle.
He had somehow lost a leg, but I had
O sooner tied it on with a piece Of
string than he recovered his normal
composure and was himself again.
Enters Busted Hopes.
Two days later I entered the busting
metropolis Of Busted Hopes. The day
was balmy, the town band was play
ing, and I felt in my soul that it was
good to be there. Not a shadder Of
my impending doom came to warn
me. I was pitching my tent and look
ing around in a benign way when a
red headed man, who announced him.
self as the mayor, came forward and
wanted to borrow $50 in cash as a
token Of esteem. When I had shaken
my head in a doubtful way he took his
leave, and an hour later I was arrest
ed under the provisions Of the cruelty
to animals law. It was claimed that
I was holding a grasshopper against
his will and that now and then I stir
red him up by dropping a bumblebee
into the milk bottle with him. 1t was
done in revenge for my refusal Of the
loan.
Exhibits Documentary Evidence.
Taken into court, I exhibited docu-
mentary evidence that I had res
cued the hopper from a life Of suffer
ing and peril and that now and then
his lively disposition demanded some
thing out Of the understanding like
a bumblebee to chaw up. The judge
was not q fair minded man. He prob
ably was to get half Of that $50 and
was disappointed over my attitude. l
was sentenced to One month in Jail
and showed behind the bars. For a
few minutes I was cast down and
made to wonder If it really paid to be
good, but when I came to see that 1
could break out Of the old shebang In
ten minutes I L,came a partner OF
Integrity again.
That evening, after the just and un-
just inhabitants Of Busted Hopes had
sought their downy couches and just
as the new moon was showing her In
nocent face above the prairie, I
wrenched my way to liberty. Hunting
around for a spell, I found my outfit
and drove softly out Of town and into
dim distance, and as the faraway
howls Of an Oklahoma coyote reached
my ear I ficked the old horse with
the CAD and murmured unto myself:
Integrity may even lead a follower
into. Jail, but she always manages that
an old stove leg is left lying around to
pry the bars off with!' NJ. QUAD.