davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1907-11-16
WHY he DID NOT LAUGH.
Humorist's Sense of Modesty Kept
Him Silent.

A certain well-known humorist re-
Gently attended a banquet at which he
was seated beside a man who seemed
to have almost a mania for story-tell-
ing. He began with the oysters and
had at least one story for each course
clear down to the Roquefort. The hui
morist listened in patience, but did not
smile or make any comment. Finally
the story-teller noticed the fact that
he was not eliciting any expressions of
mirth, and, being one who was not at
all afflicted with diffidence, he asked:
Say, old man, what's the matter with
my stories, anyhow? You haven't
cracked a smile over any of them"
IF l haven seemed to appreciate
your stories you will have to blame
my modesty." your modesty? There's
nothing about any Of the stories I've
told that ought to interfere with any
body's modesty. At least I supposed
they we're clean. If there's a double
meaning in any of them, for heavens
sake tell me. l told nearly everyone
of them to a lot of women the other
night" There's nothing at all the
matter with them. They're good, clean
stories. Nevertheless, my modesty
forbids me to Taught at them. wrote
them"
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1907-11-16
cHIMpANzee HAD MUCH run.
Escaped from French Circus for Brief
Spell Of Liberty.

A large chimpanzee performing At
a fair in Montmartre, France. escaped
recently, and created a panic In the
district. The animal gives his per
Torrance under the direction of La
Goulue. the NOUN Rouge dancer who
took to lion tanning and went through
her marriage ceremony In a lions
den. zizi, as he is called, escaped
while his keepers attention wsa mo-
mentarily attracted elsewhere and
made straight for the Metropolitan
railway station at the Boulevard
Barbes. Entering the booking Office
he nearly frightened the woman book
ing clerk out of her wits. He seized
bundles of tickets, and amused him
self by flinging them into the air and
watching their descent in a shower
When he had thus made an end Of
several hundreds Of packages he ran
into the station, creating panic
among the waiting passengers. They
fed across the line and down the
stairs into the street, and two police
men and six porters were summoned
to try and capture Zizi. AS soon as
Zlzi saw them coming he bolted down
the line, and was so anxious to es-
cape his pursuers that he did not no
tice an approaching train. The driv.
er pulled up in time to avoid killing
the animal, and Zizi capered off on
another line, and stopped a second
train in the same way. After much
chasing and lodging Zizi was even
tually caught Gin sack, put into
strait waistcoat, and taken to the
police station, where La Goulue APP
peared and bailed him out early the
next morning.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1907-11-16
CHOICE BARGAINS
Some Fine Offers In Farm
Lands and Town Lots.

1886 acres II miles south of Hop
kinsville, only three miles from
Howell, well improved 100 acres
in clover, 26 acres in timothy, 80
acres fine timber-S35. 90 an acre.
3O3 acres, near Lafayette, large
house and all other necessary i'm
provements, 60 acres, good red and
post oak timber at the low price of
$500,
X 119 acres, right at Elmo, splendid
improvements and all new, nice
dwelling, one stable, two barns, two
cabins, doctors office, store building
that rents for 500 year, buggy
house, corn cribs, etc. A great
bargain.
200 acres, near Pembroke, rich
land and we'll improved. Runs
right up to within 1 mile of the
best little town on earth.
1868 acres, right at Garrettsburg,
KY, 60 acres of clover, so acres of
good timber. This is very fine land
and well located and can be bought
at $28. per acre.
I'll acres, miles South of town,
improvements good, and everything
in good shape. An opportunity you
cannot afford to miss. Price only
$50.
III acres, 81 miles South of Penn
broke. Nicely improved and a bar
gain at $1,000.
4l8 acres near Roaring Springs.
Can be divided into two farms.
Good improvements, fine land and
will be sold cheap.
A fine location for country doctor.
Beautiful grounds and Improvements
and in the most desirable part of
the county.
Also some very desirable houses
and lots in the city for sale.
Call and see US if you are interest
ed IL. good home either in city or
country.
If you want to buy anything we
have got it and if you have anything
to sell we can help you.
PLANTERS BANK & TRUST co
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1907-11-16
Worked His WAY.

What must do to be saved?" cried
the plutocrat at the mourners' bench.
Take all your ill-gotten gains and
restore them to the ones from whom
you took them?" Numbered the sx-
horter.
Next day the plutocrat wrote checks
for most OF Lis fortune In favor OF
his business rivals, who Immediately
thought he had gone crazy. and so
they played the market against his
corporations, and as a result they had
To fork over the Amount OF the checks
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1907-11-16
A Narrow Escape.

G. w. Cloyd. a.merchant of PUNK,
Mo-, had a narrow escape four years
ago, when he ran a jimson bur into
his thumb. He says: The doctor
wanted to amputate it but | would
not consent. / bought box of Buck
lens Arnica Salve and that cured the
dangerous wound" 25c at R. c..
Hardwick's, druggist.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1907-11-16

1t Will Pay You to Take
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1907-11-16

Generally debili aed for years.
Had sick headaches, lacked ambition,
vas worn out and all run down.
Burdock Blood Bitters made nae a
well woman. mrs. >CHAS Fl. 9TOY,
Moosup, Conn.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1907-11-16
For Success in Life.

Be always disp!eased with what
hou art, ii thou de5iresl to attain to
THAT thou art not; for where thou
last pleased thysclf, there thou
l0idest. But if thou sayest I have
noush, thou perishest Always add,
.lways walk, always proceed. Neither
'tand still, nor so back, nor deyiate.-
st. Augustine.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1907-11-16
Cause of Gray Hair.

Metchnikoff, the famous bacteriolo-
gist. says the cause Of grayness is the
penetration into the hair of wandering
cells, resembling the white blood cor
puscles. These cells, assisted by other
cells. the aggregation OF which makes
the hair, seize upon the granules Of
pigment and destroy them.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1907-11-16
Biography.

Twenty-three railroads have asked
the Bowling Green Business univer-
sity for telegraph operators and one
road alone has offered to take all the
graduates this institution can turn
out. For further information, ad-
dress,
Bowling Green Business University,
Bowling Green, Ky.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1907-11-16
The Right Way.

Endeavor to be in reality that
which you wish others to think you
are.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1907-05-21
THE WINSLOWS AGAIN
Man Claims He is Unable to
 Support His Wife.

The case of William WinsIow an employc of the Chase Rolling mills company is peculiar one. In the words of Judge Burpee to-day he evil dently put his head in moose when he married last time. Two weeks ago Winslow was in court for non-sup- port of his wife and the case was continued. His defense which was presented by Attorney Porter L. Wood was that he was unable to support bis wife and himself out of his wages and he had no other way of living. At torney Wood contended that Mrs Winslow having been able to support herself before her marriage ought to help her husband instead of being a burden to him. She has a married daughter who runs boarding house and with her she lived before her mar rlage. She was paralytic when she married, but, according to Attorney Wood she did not inform her husband of this, which was i'll his opinion, at least unfair and unjust to Winslow.
 The case was resumed to-day, the two weeks having expired, but Mrs Winslow was not in court. Attorney Wood stated that no doubt the law compels husband to support his wife but how can Winslow do it when he earns hardly enough for himself. MT Wood said he was a schoolmnte of Winslow's in the old Bishop street school and has kept track of him all his life. and he has never earned more than 80 weeek. Three pay envelopes were produced by Mir Wood showing that Winslow earned between SI and SS a week the last three weeks. He informed the court that he has begun divorce proceedings against Mrs Wins low and Winslow is so poor he was unable to pay the constable's fee for serving the papers and the other cost incidental to bringing a suit in law. The court issued an order for Winslow to pay to his wife $2 wcel, but execution shall not take effect un- til after thirty days to see what pro- gress the divorce has made. MT Wood expects to have it tried within a month. The allegations ill the suit say that Mrs Winslow was paralytie when she married and that she is q morphine fend.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1907-05-21
BERTHA MARTEL vs CHARLES c.

BERTHA MARTEL vs CHARLES c.
 MARTEL-Order of Notice. State of Connecticut, New Haven
 County. ss. Waterbury. May 20th,
 A. D. 1907.
 Upon the complaint of the said Bertha Martsl. praying for reasons therein set forth for a divorce. be- lore the superior court at Water bury. in and for New Haven county, to be held on the first Tuesday of June. A. D.. 1907.
 IL appearing to and being found by the subscribing authority that the said defendant is absent from the state. gone Co parts unknown. there fore,
 Ordered-That notice of the pend ency of said complaint be given by publishing this order Ia the Water bury Evening Democrat. a nevspa- per printed fn Waterbury. three days successlvely. commenting on or be- fore the fist day Of May. A. D., ise7.
 SAMUEL J. MARSH. Assistant Clerk uf the Superior Court
 Cor New Hsvea County. at Water
 bzry. S-3o-s
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1907-05-21
SUIT FOR FALL
Frank Pleasant's Case Against
 Waterbury Brass Co.

The suit of Frank Pleasant against the Waterbury Brass company was put on trial in the superior court to- day before Judge Gager. This case was defaulted to the jury and 1t is on it's merits before the court. Pleasant was employed by the company and one day last September he was work ing on Il staging fastening beams to the ceiling in a part of the shop. He was using wrench and the implc- ment slipped. Pleasant fell off the staging and his skull was fractured, the bone of the lower jaw was brck- en, one eye was so badly injured that 1t had to be removed and the -audu- tory nerve was hurt thus impairing his hearing permanently. These are the allegations of his complaint and he asks $5,000. Since the accident Pleasant has earned an average of only $3 q week being as he testified, unable to earn more. His age Is 43.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1907-05-21
DUMPING
 STOPPED

After this date and until further notice no dumping will be permitted on the vacant lot at Meadow. Cedar and Livery streets, opposite the old New England depot tracks.
 E. c. KILDUFF, Superintendent of Streets.
 s-ls-3
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1907-05-21
ORGAN GRINDERS LUCK.
Dropped Money Box and Bystander
 Helped Himself,

A hand organ grinder fell into bad company at Scovill's bridge yester- day. Whether his tin was too full or not nobody appears to know, but in any case some of his coin dropped onto the street and a smart fellow picked them up and called to a few of his chums to "come and have something" at the same time lead ing the way to nearby cafe. It is needless to add that the invitation was accepted and the boys entered ana drank long life and success to the hand organ man and his monkey, the musician muttering all kinds of oaths and the monkey chattering and jumping from one place to another in manner which showed that 1t was as much pleased at what was going on as its master. It was a great joke, but the son of sunny Italy couldn't see the point and made big fuss over 1t.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1907-05-21
BOARD OF ALDERMEN
Novelty Co.'S Bill Caused Wrangle
 Among City Boards.

The board of aldermen held a special meeting last night. Besides Chair man Filling there were present Alder men Noonan, Bowe. Spain, Malone, Lawlor, Sherwood, Larkln, Fitzsim- mons and Walker.
 The claim for damages of the Nov lety Mfg company amounting to $176.- 77, which came from the board of pub lie works without recommendation was passed along to the law commit tee, notwithstanding the efforts of Mr Larkin to have 1t referred to a committee of the board of aldermen. This isn't q matter of law at all" said the alderman from the second, but question of fact and 1t seems to me that a committee from this board is as competent to deal with it as the law committee. I think I ought to say, too. that the board of public works shirked It's duty in not making some recommendation so that we might get line on what they thought of it." This is the old ques- ton of the rag doll in the Maple street sewer which forced the Novelty Mfg Co to close its plant for two days.
 A vote was passed unanimously au- thorizing the purchasers of the $1N,- 900 worth of paving bonds register ill- stead of coupon bonds if necessary. The application of the trolley company for approval of its plans for the double tracking of North Willow street he- tween Ridgewood street and Johnson street was referred to the board of public works.
 Liscum Camp. Spanish War Veterans association petitioned for an appropri- ation of S75 to help 1t carry on Mem orial day observances. There was a deep pause after the reading of the communication. which was finally broken by Mir Spain who moved that it be granted. The motion was carried unanimously.
 The following petitions were re- ferred to the board of public works.
 The Bristol Go, ct al, for relief from cindecs and oil falling from tine rail road bridge at Platts mills. NJ. H. Noonan. ct al. for the continuation of the layout of Walnut street; G. L. Riggs for the layout of ElmwGod avenue: Charles w Burritt for water main in Beach street.
 The following recommendations of the board of public works were adopt ed: That crosswalks be laid on Port CT, Charles. Johnson, East Farm. Wal nut and Baldwin streets and Baldwin avenue; that storm water drain be built from the foot of Clay along Benedict street to the river at an ex-
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1907-05-21

pense of $3.300; catch basin and inlet at the south west corner of River and Baldwin streets, estimated expense S2OO; that the Rev Mir Smith be au- thorized to hold religious service in Hamilton avenue and in front of his church on Cherry street: that the pe- titioners for new walk in the green be given leave to withdraw. A. I. Chatfieid, the building inspector, was given a two weeks leave of absence.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1907-05-21

CARPETS AND RUGS CLEANED. by our new process. Cleans thorough ly and kills all disease germs. The price is reasonable. Ingrains and Brussels 4c per yard. velvets. Wu- tons and Moauettes 6c per yard.
 THE MODEL LAUNDRY co.
 Telephone 266.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1907-05-22
DIAMONDQUEEN
SAYS ACCUSER
GAVEHERG GEMS
Accuses Wheeling Jeweler of Wronging Her and
Then Making Her Presents of
TrinketS and Money

''HilIman told me I was such a pretty
little girl. with such dimpled hands /
ought TO get a man to buy diamonds for
me. answered What's the matter with
you2 You have plenty Of diamonds.
Then she said Hillman let her have
them. The girl testified that her mar
riage was an unhappy one.
Hillman denied completely the girls
story that he had had intimate relations
with her
He asserted that ne sold her The dia-
monds upon her representations that
she had a bank account and real es-
tate 10 cover the amount
Lieutenant Ehret testified that when
the girl was arrested she told him Hill
man was easy and she could have got
$1,000 worth out Of MIN. About $500
worth Of the jewelry has been recov-
cred. The girl made a statement after
having been brought here that the
New York detectives were real nice
men," who took her to theaters and
supper every evening while she was a
prisoner In the TOmbs. Today Bessie
is braveIy withstandirg a grIIling exami-
nation
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1907-05-22
BUILDING TRADES
REMAINS FIRM
No Union Labor Until
Plumbers Settle Diff
ferenceS.

The Building Trades Mechanics Coun-
Gil met last night, and agreed TO stand
by the jOurneymen plumbers in the
matter of difference with the master
plumbers, growing out OF the award of
the arbitrators. The withdrawal Of the
bricklayers. or rather the action of the
Brickidyers' Union I'm ordering back 10
work the men who walked out from the
Metropolitan Club building and the row
of houses on Park road. because OF the
presence Of non-union plumbers. was in
formally discussed.
The action of the bricklayers. it was
said. has no effect on the other trades
that have taken the position that the
trades will not work on any building
where non-uniOn labor is employed.
II was reported that nOn-union
plumbers are at work on the building in
the course Of construction al the corner
OF Fourteenth and + streets northW est,
and the matter was brought up al the
meeting Of the committee Of the Build
ing Trades Alliance. held in COstellO-s
Hall. this morning. and special com
mittee was ordered 10 call on the con
tractor and endeavOr TO have the matter
Strengthened out
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1907-05-22
PENNSYLVANIA UP
DURING A RALLY

NEW YORK. May 22-The stock mar
ket opened Irregular Brooklyn Rapid
Transit sustained the largest initial loss
of 1 per cent. Reading opened 4 higher.
and Immediately declined = Colorado
Fuel opened 3 lower; Northern Pacific,
y; New York Central. a; and Atchison
and St Paul started x lower AmeEcan
Smelling gained y, and Union Pacific,
pennsylvania. and Copper advanced q.
Steel preferred gained X. At the end
OF hve minutes the general market re-
acted fractionally in nearly all cases.
II a m.-There was a good deal OF
liquidation in the market at the open
ing and during the early part OF the
FIRST hour, causing renewed weakness
and some further declines in the general
list. But before the hour ended bet
ter tone was established and a large
part of the early losses were recovered.
\ number of stocks which swung as
widely as TO points at IL o'clock.
were only fractiOnally below yesterday
closing, and some issues by that time
showed some slight net gains. Govern
ment bonds Unchanged other bonds
lower
NoOn-The Improvement that de-
Ncloped in the market at the end Of the
nrst hour continued during the rest Of
the forenoon. and at midday nearly
everything was above the closing yester-
day, the early losses having been com
pletely recovered and the upward move
ment gathering enough force 10 cause
some net gains, with Pennsylvania
prominent in the rally. moving from 1875
10 TO Great Northern was ia good
demand and rose 1919
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1907-05-22

WHEELING, w. Va, May o.
Pretty Bessie Criswell Burton, "the
diamond queen" on trial on a charge
of feIOniously obtaining 81, 100
worth of diamonds, told the jury
that her accuser, Jeweler IL T. Hill
man, was West Virginia Stanford
White, alleging that he treated her
much the way Evelyn Nesbit said
she had been treated-minus the
dragged wine feature.
She swore that Hillman sought
her acquaintance IN 1901, when she
was n clerk at a millinery goods
store, and enticed her away. After
ward, the girl confessed she was a
frequent caller at Hillman's rooms,
and that hejoften made her presents
of jewelry and loans of money.
Explaining how she came in pos
session OF the diamonds she is ac-
cused of stealing, the girl said:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1907-05-22
WASHINGTON PRICES

Sales OF the board. including the after
call. amounted TO ] .eSS shares of stock
and Sl3,S27 In bonds.
Following are the sales and quotations
OF tOday's D. arket:
Capital Traction SIS. s3OOOalOS, $1,000
10S S500ql0S S50a101lA. siS5d10S. $S0df0S
5000 1856. sS0d10S. S90dl0S. s42Gl072l. Sf26i
1919.
Norfolk and washington Steamboat
SIS. S50001OS5a.
Chesapeake and Potomac Telephone
SIS. 81. OO00IO31A.
Capital Traction, SABA.
Washington Gas. 2jd63lz
Mitchell Mining. 10oEt3ls. I0ONSls. 1000
Ga. 1OOd3A. 1OOa3l4. 1O0a3k. 1O0d3is. 1909
3ls. l00H3I4. lCON3ik. 10OG3k.
National Bank OF Washington. lGn390.
American GraphOpone common IOq43,
1913. 1913. 1Off43.
Union Trust warrants 1d60ik.
After call-Mitchell Mining. 10Oq3h.
Capital Traction SIS. $1S50l0S, S3d10S,
s3I5d1O7Ss. s213a1O7Es. S42alO7E.
GAS BONDS.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1907-05-22
HUSBAND IN JAIL
SUED FOR DIVORCE

BALTIMORE, May 2-Warren
Thompson, who, with Clarence NJ
Bryan, was sentenced 20 seven years
in the penitentiary for assault and rob
berry Of Ellen c. Mulcahy, OF Washing
ton. was sued yesterday for absolute
divorce by his wife. Eva NJ. Thompson
Mrs. Thompson alleges that she and
Thompson were married here December
40 last, ard that he cruelty beat her
and kicked her. She says that he
knocked her down often. and often left
her and returned without any explana-
ton.
The notice Of divorce vas served on
Thompson in the reuitentiary. He
smiled on receipt of IT,
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1907-05-22
FoRESTERS' CONVENTION
FIGHTS OVER OFFICERS

BOSTON. May denominations made
by the Foresters in convention this
morning make it evident that there will
be a lively fight over the election of
certain officers. The contest for the
Office of grand chief ranger is between
the present incumbent Henry f. Nc
ManuS and DR.. Joseph Santosus.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1907-05-22
o'Dea Goes for King.

Detective O'Dea went TO Philadelphia
this morning to bring back c. NJ. King,
who is wanted here on charge of en-
bezzlement. King was in the employ
Of the Union Transfer Company in this
city. 1t is alleged that he is between
$40 and $50 short in his accounts.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1907-05-22
VENUE CHANGE
IS GRANTED
MRS. KAUFF MAN

SIOUX FALLS. May 22.-An applica-
ton for change OF venue in the case
of Mrs. Emma Kaufman. charged with
having murdered her servant girl, mas
been granted by Judge Smith.
The case was sent to the circuit court
OF Moody county, and June was fixed
as the date for the commencement of
the trial at Flandreau.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1907-05-22
..Milkr Bead Is Nutritious.

All the nutrient properties of the besi
materials are centered In Holmes genu-
inc homemade Mix Bread. Absolutely
the best and most delicious bread that's
baked. Delivered fresh and clean from
oven TO table. &C Delicious homemade
Pies. all favorite kinds. zoe Holmes
Bakery. LIST and + streets. Phones Z
144O and 1441.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1907-05-22
NOMINATE GODDARD
FOR j. S. SENATE

PROVIDENCE. r. l., May 22.-Coi.
Robert II. L. Goddard. OF Providence.
was nominated for the United States
Senate - convention If Democrats
and Independents, representing every
city and town I'm Rhode Island. and
held At Providence today. Colonel Cod
GARD was the Democratic nominee in
The long deadlwock in the Legislature
the past winter.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1907-05-22
MlLLERS COMPLAIN
ABOUT WHEAT PRICES

MINNEAPOLIS. May 22.-NfuIers COM
plain that the rise in wheat has AZ
fected them adversely. Domestic de-
eign business at the new prices made
necessary by higher cash wheat on
the other hand. II Is expected thar il
the wheat market takes on stability at
the dollar level good business will re-
suit.