davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1907-10-22
AN OPTICAL DELUSloN.
The Story of a Martinez Colonel, a
Captain and a Sword.

The colonel, a rigid martinez, is sit
ting at the window Of his room when,
looking out, he sees a captain crossing
the barrack yard toward the gate.
Looking at him closely, he is shocked
to observe that, the rules and regula-
tions to the contrary Notwithstanding,
the captain does not carry a sword.
Captain" he calls from the win
dow Hi, captain, step up to my room
for q moment, will you?"
The captain obeys promptly, bor-
rows a sword Of the officer Of the
guard, the guardroom being at the foot
Of the stairs, and presents himself to
the colonel in irreproachable dress.
The colonel is somewhat surprised to
see the sword in its place and, having
to invent some pretext for calling his
subordinate back, says, with some con-
fusion: BEG your pardon, captain, but
really I've forgotten what it was 1
wanted to speak to you about. How
ever it can't have been very impor-
tant. It'll keep. Good morning"
The captain salutes, departs, returns
the sword to its owner and is making
off across the barrack yard, where he
again comes within range Of the colo
ners vision.
The colonel rubs his eyes, stares,
says softly to himself: How in thun-
der Is this? He hasn't sword to his
waist!" then calls aloud: Captain!
Ho, captain! One moment, pleased"
The captain returns, borrows the
sword again, mounts the stairs and en-
ters the coloners presence. His COM
manding officer stares at him intently.
He has a sword; he sees it; he hears
Il clank.
Captain" he stammers. growing
very hot, its ridiculous, you know,
but-ha! ha!-Td just remembered
what l wanted to say to you, and now
-ha! hai-it's gone out Of my head
again! Funny. isn't it? Ha, ha, ha!
Losing my memory. Never mind. I'll
think of it and write you. Good morn
ing"
The captain salutes. departs, returns
the sword to it's owner and makes for
the gate. AS he crosses the barrack
yard the colonel calls his wife to his
side and says, See that officer out
there?"
Yes"
Has he got a sword on?"
The coloneps wife adjusts her eye
glass upon him, scans him keenly and
says, He hasn't a taste of a sword
The colonel: That's just where you
fool yourself. Yes. he has."-London
Graphic.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1907-10-22
He Got II, Bless Him.

Among the passengers on western
train recently, says the Boston Jour-
nal, was a woman very much over
dressed, accompanied by a bright
looking nursegirl and self-willed'
tyrannical boy of about three years.
The boy aroused the indignation OF
the passengers by his continued shrteks
and kicks and screams, and his vi
ciousness toward his patient nurse.
He tore her bonnet, scratched her
hands, and finally spat in her face
without a word of remonstrance from
the mother.
Whenever the nurse manifested any
firmness the mother chided her sharp
". Finally the mother composed her
self for a nap, and about the time the
boy had slapped the nurse for the fifth
time a bug came sailing in and flew
on the window of the nurses seat. The
boy at once tried to catch 1t.
The nurse caught his hand and said
coaxingly:
Harry mustn't touch. Bug will bite
Harry"
Harry screamed savagely and began
to kick and pound the nurse.
The mother, without opening her
eyes or lifting her head, cried out
sharply:
"Why do you tease that child so,
Mary? Let him have what he wants
at once"
But, ma'am, it's a"
Let him have it, 1 say"
Thus encouraged, Harry clutched at
the bug and caught it. The screams
of pain that followed brought tears OF
joy to the passengers eyes.
The mother awoke again.
Mary" she cried. 'let him have It.
Mary turned in her seat and said
confusedly:
He's got 1t, ma'am!"
What 1t is?" languidly asked the
mother as the screams increased.
"A wasp, ma'am," said the nurse.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1907-10-22
HUSBANDS AS PRIZES.
Singular Offer BY a Berlin Merchant
to Induce Trade.

A Berlin tradesman has lately issued
a circular promising to bestow a hus-
band, in the person of his son, upon
the spinster who shall, within years
space, collect the most coupons-one OF
which is given with each purchase to
the value Of marks. To the prize
husband, as a wedding gift, he has
promised to bestow e, share in his bus
mess, says Tit-Bits.
This singular offer, though, of course,
of rare occurrency in the commercial
world, is not without precedent. Some
years since a Leeds firm Of drapers
circulated among its customers penny
tokens, whereon was depicted a sty-
lishly dressed man surrounded by the
legend "a Husband for Guinea" sig
nifying that such as expended that
amount on the firms goods were al
lowed one chance in a rattle for an
eligible young man, the Junior partner
In the house.
A circular which a now defunct
tea company distributed among It's
lady canvassers contained the an
nouncement that "the young lady who
procures the best result, compared
with the amount of salary received.
for not less than six months service,
will receive $500 and be allowed to
marry any single young gentleman In
the firm. Should the young gentleman
refuse to marry her, we will pay the
breach of promise damages, 9lO0 ex-
ira, and dismiss the young gentleman
from the firm"
In The early years Of our late queens
reign the proprietor Of a library at
one os the leading Kentish watering
places issued the announcement or a
lottery for husband, who was guar
anteed to be In the enjoyment or an
annuity of not less than 9200 per an
mum. The event created quite a stir,
as the prize was handsome young
fellow, who appeared to be In every
way eligible. Great, then, was the dis
may created by the arrival. on the
very day when the draw was adver-
tised to take place, Of couple OF Lon
don constables by whom the much
admired Adonis was arrested on
charge Of fraud.
Every New Years Day a large
Viennese firm Of bootmakers was wont
to offer a husband to the lady whose
foot was considered to be the smallest
and most shapely Of the year, guaran-
teeing at the same time to set the cou-
pie up in business should such help be
needed. For over twenty years was
this practice continued, until the head
Of the firm, an old widower, fell In
love with the Cinderella footed lady,
who, being of an ultra Jealous dispo-
sition, sternly vetoed the customs
continuance.
In the late sos Brussels tailor took
a young man into his employ on the
stipulation that he should be allowed
to dispose of him in marriage. The
agreement signed, the tailor made pub
lie announcement that he would be-
stow a husband upon that spinster or
widow who should bring most custom
to his establishment within twelve
months. After a keen competition the
prize was carried off by buxom Wild
ow Of go. who, besides introducing her
eight sons to the clothier's notice, was
the means of inducing over a score OF
brothers, cousins and nephews to pa
tronize his shop.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1907-10-22
TUESDAY, OCTOBER az, 1907.
TAX NoTICE-l9O7.
Office of County Treasurer.
Yorkville, 8. c., Sept. 16. -

Yorkville, s. c., Sept. 16. 1907.
NJ Office is hereby given that the
IN TAX BOOKS will be opened on
the 18TH DAY OF OCTOBER, 1907,
and will remain open until the 31ST
DAY OF DECEMBER, 1907, for the
collection Of STATE, COUNTY,
SCHOOL AND LOCAL TAXES, for
fiscal year 1907, without penalty, after
which day, ONE PER CENT penalty
will be added for all payments made In
the month of JANUARY. 1908. and
TWO PER CENT penalty for all pay
ments made in the month Of FEB
RUARY, 1908. and SEVEN PER
from the 1sT DAY OF MARCH. to
the 18TH DAY OF MARCH, 1908, af-
ter this date all property taxes will
90 into execution. and placed In hands
of the Sheriff for collection, and all
single Poll Taxes will be turned over
to the several Magistrates for prose-
cution, in accordance with law.
For the convenience Of taxpayers,
will attend the following places on the
days named.
At Hickory Grove, Tuesday and
Wednesday, 22d and 23th days OF oc-
tober.
At Sharon, Thursday, Gath day of
At McConnellsville, Friday, 25th day
Of October.
At Tirzah. Saturday. 26th day Of
October.
At Clover, Monday and Tuesday,
2Sth and 29th days OF october.
At Yorkville from Wednesday 30th
day Of October. to Tuesday, 9Th day
Of November.
At Coates's Tavern, from IL o'clock
m, Wednesday the 9Th Of November,
until IL O'Clock m, Thursday the 7th
Of November.
At Fort Mill, Friday 8, and Saturday
the 9Th days of November.
At Rock Hill from Monday 11th Of
November, until Saturday the 18th Of
November.
And at Yorkville from Monday 18th
Of November. until the 31st day Of
December after which day the penal
ties will be added as has been stated
above.
I will also receive the THREE
DOLLAR COMMUTATION TAX from
all road hands who may wish TO pay
for the year 1908.
n. A. d. NEELY,
County Treasurer.
rs I At
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1907-10-22
TO SHERER'S
MARKET

When you want the best Fresh
Meats in Yorkville, follow the crowd
and II you can't keep up, Phone No.
III and you will get 1t. Please Phone
the night before II you want the Best,
as we sell so fast 1t don't last long,
and besides you'll get your meats In
time for breakfast.
We have Vegetables and Fruits all
the time to suit the seasons.
Also keep the incest line of Penny
Candies in town, for the children.
am still selling that good old
CRACKER JACK COFFEE that
makes the old folks feel young again.
Every Bucket Guaranteed to Satisfy.
Sherer is a good old Butcher Man,
And tries to please everybody he can,
So when the Beef Bill comes around,
Please don't turn My Collector down.
Yours to serve,
OLD GEORGE,
THE BUTCHER.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1907-10-22

Jones led to the marriage altar Miss
Nell Lavinia Smyre, the youngest
daughter Of Mr.. and Mrs A. M. ,Smyre.
The ceremony was said in the presence
of a large assemblage of admiring
friends Of the happy young couple.
Following the celebration Of the mar
riage rites at the church a reception,
beautiful in all its appointments. was
rendered at the handsome home Of the
brides parents on West Air Line
street, where the newly married couple
received the hearty congratulations of
hosts of friends.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1907-10-22
LIGHTNING.
The Mystic Fluid Has Been Known to
Cure as Well as to Kill.

The Mystic Fluid Has Been Known to
Cure as Well as to Kill.
A peculiar feature Of lightning when
attacking a human being is that 1t is
known to cure as we'll as to kill. In
one instance a man who was para
lyzed on one side Of his body from
childhood was struck by a thunderbolt,
and after remaining insensible for
twenty minutes he recovered with the
full use of all of his members, An
other case was that Of an invalid in
one Of the Austrian hospitals who was
lucky enough to stand in the way of
an atmospheric spark and was enabled
wit, It delay to leave the hospital
perfectly we'll.
A similar occurrence took place on
the passenger packet boat New York
when a person who had been hopeless
ly paralyzed for a great many years
was struck by lightning. He was so
astonished to find himself cured that
he ran about the deck like a madman
and was so crazed with joy that the
rest of the passengers believed him to
have become mentally unbalanced un-
til they learned the cause Of his exu-
berance.
The cases where persons have bene-
fitted by a visit from this heavenly
power are too numerous to mention,
as in a number of cases they have lost
their deafness or regained their eye
sight and in some cases their mental
balance, and lightning really proves
fatal in few cases in comparison TO
the number of people it touches each
year. If we could provide way by
which we would not get an overdose
of this most wonderful fluid, lightning
would undoubtedly prove to be the
long sought elixir Of life. but the diff
Guilty arises in its being beyond our
control.-Denver Post.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1907-10-22
For Sale By YORKVILLE B. & nj. co.
STATION cry.

Now that the Fall business season
is upon us and will soon be going
with a rush. don't you think 1t will
be we'll to look over your Station
cry Supplies and place an order
for your needs, so as to have II
when you want It?
We will give your orders care
full and prompt attention and will
furnish you Printed matter that
will be satisfactory In every par
ticular.
Can we serve you? Today is a
good time to place your order.
Phone or write.
L. M. CRISIS SONS,
Yorkyille, s. G.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1907-10-22
APPLICATION FOR DISCHARGE

NOTICE is hereby given that on
IN Wednesday, November 6, 1907, 1
will appear before the Probate Court
of York county. and make a final set
tlement as guardian Of CAROLINA
BELLE CAMPBELL, and will then
and there apply to Hon. L. r. Will
liams, Judge Of said court for my dis
charge from further responsibility In
with said guardianship.
r. NJ. BARNETT.
81 st
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1907-10-22

Not SURE OF ONE OF THE Two.-A
district visitor once went to see an
old Scotch woman who was dying.
Noticing that her talk was all about
herself md the minister, he said:
We'll, really, Jcannie. l believe you
think there will be nobody in Heaven
but yourself and the minister"
"Ah, weel" said the old woman, AN
Pm no sac sure aboot the minister"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1907-10-22
STATE OF SOUTH CAROLINA.
County Of York
COURT OF COMMON PLEAS.

q
w. d. Grist and A. NJ. Grist as Exec
tors Of the estate Of L M. Grist,
Plaintiffs, against A. NJ. Jackson,
Defendant-Summons for Relief
Complaint F1led.)
To the Defendant above named: -
VOU are hereby summoned and re-
i quired to answer the complaint In
this action, which has this day been
filed in the Office Of the Clerk Of the
Court Of Common Pleas for the said
county, and to serve copy Of your
answer to the said complaint on the
subscriber at his office In Yorkyille,
South Carolina, within twenty days
after the service hereof, exclusive or
the day of such service; and II you
fail to answer the complaint within
the time aforesaid. the plaintiffs In this
action will apply to the Court TOR the
relief demanded in the complaint.
]. 8. BRICE
Plaintiffs Attorney
Dated .Yorkville, 8. c., Sept, 81. A. ID.
1907.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1907-10-22
NOTICE.

To the absent defendant, A. NJ. Jack
SOM
Please take notice that the Sum-
mons of which the foregoing Is q copy
together with the Complaint In the
above entitled action were filed In the
office of ]. A. Tate, Clerk of Court Of
Common Pleas, for County and State
aforesaid, at York Court House In
Yorkville, South Carolina, on the 21st
day of September, A. D. 1907.
J. 8. BRICE,
Plaintiffs Attorney.
Yorkville, 8. c., September 21st, A. d.
1907.
II bt
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1907-10-22
WHY Mr.. DUFFY's Nose WAS RE

WHY Mr.. DUFFY's Nose WAS RED.
The late Mr.. Duffy of Keene, New
Hampshire, says the Boston Herald,
was we'll known for his lifelong total
abstinence from intoxicants, which
seemed somewhat at variance with the
fact that his nose was very red.
On one occasion, when on business
in a liquor saloon in his neighborhood,
a drummer came in to sell cigars. To
gain the good graces of the bartender
he invited all in the place to drink, to
which invitation all readily responded
save Mr.. Duffy.
The drummer went to him, and slap
ping him on the shoulder, said: Il
say, old man, what are you going to
haVe?"
Il thank you, sir-r, but 1 niver
dhrink," was Duffy's quiet reply.
What, you never drink" said the
drummer with a sarcastic laugh.
Now. If you never drink, will you
please tell me what makes that nose
of yours so red?"
The impertinence of the questioner
at once aroused the irascibility of the
old gentleman, and he replied: "Sir-r
it is glowing with proid because it is
kept out of other peoples business"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1907-10-22

AND SHE KEPT on SMoKING.-"Aunt
Chloe, do you think you are Chris
tian?" asked a preacher of an old ne
gro woman who was smoking a pipe.
Yes, brudder, 'spects / is"
DO you believe in the Bible?"
Yes, brudder"
DO you know there is a passage in
the Scripture that declares that moth
ing unclean shall inherit the Kingdom
of Heaven"
Yes, Use heard Of it."
We'll, you smoke, and there is moth
ing so unclean as the breath Of a
smoker. So what do you say to that?'
We'll, when / go dere l spects to
leave my breff behind me-"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1907-10-22
NOTICE OF APPLICATION
FOR FINAL DISCHARGE.

NJ OTICE is hereby given that have
IN made a final settlement with the
Probate Court for York county as ad-
ministrator Of the estate Of Mrs. M. e.
THOMAS, deceased, and that on Fri
day, November /, will make applica-
ton to Hon. l.. R. Williams, judge Of
said court for a final discharge from
further responsibility on account OF
said estate.
C. T. THOMAS, Admr.
70 st
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1907-10-22
GASTON.

Gastonia Gazette, October IS: Mr.. ].
F. Thomson of Yorkville, was a busi-
ness visitor in Gastonia yesterday. 49,.
Mr.. Luther Baber of Yorkville, S. c.,
has accepted a position with the WAL
ters Bros. barber shop and went to
work this week. He is a nephew OF
Mr.. J. r. Baber of Gastonia. Mr..
Hugh Long, editor of the News, left
Wednesday for Sumter, S. c. He Is
expected back in Gastonia about next
Wednesday, If nothing happens. If the
twittering little birds are reliable, Mr..
Long will bring back with him an as
sociate editor for the News. In a
note from Mr.. w. F. Marshall of Raj
eigh, he states that the memorial VOL
ume of the late Capt. ]. D. Moore Of
Gastonia, is now in the hands Of the
binders and will soon be out. This
volume, the work of Mr. Marshall, who
was for many years intimately ac-
quainted with Capt. Moore, will be
read by many friends Of the deceased.
... One of the most brilliant we'd
dings ever witnessed in Gastonia was
solemnized Wednesday evening at $50
O'Clock in the First Presbyterian
church when Mr.. David Montgomery
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1907-12-17
The finest Gomez suDstitute 9,

The finest cofree Substitute ever
made has recently been produced by
DR.. Shoop, OF Racine. Wis. You
don't have to boil it twenty or
thirty minutes" Made in a minute
says the Doctor Health Cofee" is
really the closest Coffee Imitation
ever yet produced. Not a grain -lt
real coffee Is in 1t either. Health
Coffee limitation is made from pure
toasted cereals or grains, with malt,
nuts. etc. Really 1t would TOOL an
expert-were he to unlinowingly
drink it for coffee. All dealers.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1907-12-17
A Real Wonderland

South Dakota, with its rich silver
mines, bonanza farms, wide ranges
and strange natural formations. is a
veritable wonderland. At Mound
City in the home of Mrs. E. D. clapp
a wonderful case OF healing has
lately occurred. Her son seemed
near death with lung and throat
trouble. "Exhausting coughing
spells occurred every five minutes, /"
writes Mrs. Clapp. when / began
giving Dr. Kings New Discovery,
the great medicine. that saved his
life and completely cured him.
Guaranteed for coughts and colds,
throat and lung troubles. by Frank
G. Bland, druggist. soc and $1.0O.
Trial bottle free.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1907-12-17
Here's Goon Advice.

o. S. Woolever, one of the best
known merchants of LIE RaysviIle
N. Y, says: IF you are ever troub-
led with piles, apply BuckIen's Ar
MICA Salve. 1t cured me of them
for good 20 years ago" Guaraa-
teed for sores, wounds, burns or
abrasions, 25c at Frank G. BANDS
drug store.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1907-12-17
TOM WATSON, PoPUL1sT, WHO SAYS Mr.. ROOSEVELT IS a
DEMOCRAT.
Scenery of Northeast China.

In point OF scenery northeastern: Chi.
ma is not as interesting Us the southern
and western portions of the empire
and yet it has fascination for the
traveller which they lack. Much of this
region is as TT as our own pralrIes, but
IN Shantung there are hills and noun
tains. while west of the great plain the
region Is as fiat as our own prairies. but
the famous tableland of Shansi and
shensi. The mountains are devoid of
trees, and even the shrubs and grass
are kept down to diminutive proper
lions by the avaricious fuel gatherer,
who does not think it beneath his dig
nifty in the more populous sections to
pull up grass roots to warm his chilly
home. The very barrenness of distant
mountain ranges adds sublimity to
the scenery, as well as permits the rich
colors of the soil to stand out in great
effectiveness. DenudatIon of the noun
tains also leads to the washing away of
great portions of the mountain side, so
that n torrential rain gives the range
the appearance of some Titanic strug-
gle in which the dragon has come or
victorious. rs witness the red scars left
by his gigantic claws here and there
against the Chautauquan.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1907-12-17
Badly Mixed Un.

Abraham Brown, of Winterton, y.
Y, had very remarkable experience
he says: Doctors got badly mixed
up over me; one said heart disease;
TWO called it kidney trouble; the
fourth blood poison and the fifth
stomach and liver trouble; but none
Of them helped me; so my wife ad-
vised trying Electric Bitters, which
are restoring me to perfect health.
One bottle did more good than all
the five doctors prescribed" Guar
anteed for blood poison, weakness.
weakness and all stomach, liver and
kidney complaints, by Frank G.
Bland, druggist, soc.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1907-12-17
Roa.ted ller son ed stove.

Half naked and suffering from many
trightful burns on the hands and neck,
tie result, he said. OF cruel treatment
Mt the hands of his own mother, VIII
liam Winscavitch, nine years old, was
found nearly unconscious from pain
In the woods Mt woodside, Pa. The
boy was accused OF stealing % cents,
and his mother, he said, became so
enraged that she held his hands
against a hot stove until the flesh lit
orally cooked Following this, he as
serts, she took him to the garnet and
had rope about his neck, intending
to hang him, when the lad made his
escape. The injured child is nov IN
the hospital. and his mother has been
arrested and held IN bail.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1907-12-17

TO stop that pain in the back. tina,
stiffness OF the joints and muscles take
PineuIes. They are guaranteed. Don't
suffer from rheumatism. baelxache
kidney trouble. when you get so days
treatment for 500. A single dose at
bedtime proves their merit Get
them today. Sold by n. F. Burke.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1907-12-17

Everybody loves our baby, rosy.
sweet and warm
With kissy places on her neck and
dimDles on her arms.
Once she was so thin and cross, used
to cry with pain
Mother gave her Cascaswect, now
she's well again.
Sold by all druggists.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1907-12-17

Kennedy's Laxative Cough Syrup
causes a free yet gentle action of the
bowels through which the cold IS
forced out Of the system. Children
like 1t. Contains no opiates nor
narcotics. Sold by all druggists.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1907-12-17

Wilson. the photographer. OF Park
ersburg. has returned to his Clarks-
burg studio and viii remain here
till after the holidays, supplying TIE
public with high grade photographs.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1907-12-17

orino Laxative Fruit Syrup, the
new laxative, stimulates, but does
not irritate. It is the best La,ca-
tive. Guaranteed or your money
back. Sturm G Wilson.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1907-12-17

What would be more appropriate
for Xmas than large photograph?
Wilson makes them.