, 1907-12-27
4 suPPosITIoNAL
CASE
" MAX ADELER

Ono Of our lawyers, MI. Sfmms. had
. visit recently from a man named
Buddy. Mr.. Buddy entered the ONCE
upon crutches, and his face was Gov
cred with Commissions, 10 that he look.
cd a II he had emerged from . terrific
conflict with an antagonist who had
won . complete victory. Placing hiA
crutches against the table and seating
himself very carefully in the chair, Mr..
Buddy mid:
"ME.; @mms, I Just dropped in to see
you to git . little advice on a point
Of law in which I'm interested, and
I'd be much, obleeged II you'd tell me
exactly what nay rights in the matter
are. III put 1t in this way: S'pose'n
you were to marry a wilder. under the
idea that she was an angel-that she
was so sweet that a barrel OF sugar
was mere, bitterness alongside of her;
and s'pose'n after you were conscli-
dated with her you were to find out
that she had a temper like a she wild
cat, and an unconquerable custom Of
banging you over the head with skill
let's or most anything that came handy.
SO that you didn't know what minute
she'd git her mad up and skeer you
pretty near to death.
Now, s'pose'n this wilder and you
wal to disagree about a little matter
Of chewing terbacker in the house and
trying to spit in the stove, and she
was to up and tell youth your own
house, mind you-that IL you KEEP aim
ing at that stove and missing it she'd
warm you up with a broom-handle or
the like; and you were to say that
you'd chew where you'd a mind to,
and that while it was a free country.
you'd hit the stove or miss it JUS as
you pleased. ~.
"And s'pose'n one word brought on
another, until she got on a terrific
rampage. and come at you and tried
to snatch out your hair; while you
grabbed her by the wrists and held her
so she couldn't. And then s'pose'n
while you were rassling with her you
was to get the best of it SOS she
couldn't do anything but have the
Mysteries and scream, and you all. the
time afraid to let go lest she'd hustle
you out through the winder.
Nov, s'pose'n that wilder had q
dog which belonged to her first hus.
band, and would rather bite you than
not, and all of a sudden she was to
holler for that dog, and he was to
come bouncing into the room, and, see
ing the widder's situation, was to take
hold Of . mouthful of your right leg,
and shake 1t as though he was going
to bite 1t loose before he left; and the
wilder all the time sticking him on and
encouraging him to help himself with.
out any regard for your feelings. And
s'pose'n when you let go Of her to
tackle the dog she should bang you
with the .scrubbing brush until you
looked's II you'd been ground up in q
bark-mill, and then wouldn't call on
the dog until you hollered enough.
"S'pose'n all this, what I want to
know is, can't you sue that wilder for
assault and battery, and get an in
junction on that dog? That's what
came to see you about, whether you've
got to stand having your leg chewed
and your head smashed with q scrub
%bing-brush, or whether this great and
free governments going to protect its
defenseless citizens. I want to know
how 1t is."
Mr.. Simms looked very solemn for
q moment, as contemplating the
problem carefully, and then he said:
Il don't really lei that the law can
do anything in such q case. Mr.. Buddy.
II the man married the widow he be.
came part owner Of the dog, and It
was, therefore, in fact his wi dog
that assaulted him. Besides that, as
q man and his wife are one flesh, the
widow has q partnership interest In
the mans leg. and when she set the
dog upon 1t she was really encourag-
ing the animal to mutilate her own
property. No action can be against a
person who induces her own dog to bite
her own leg, nor will the law give her
redress II she batters her own head
with her own hands, for the wife who
strikes her husband really strikes her
self"
You don't mean to say" exclaimed
Mr.. Buddy, in a blaze Of indignation,
that is the law of this land, of this
very country where our ~forefatherl
oled for liberty! You don't actually
mean to tell me that a red-headed
wilder, with . lver-colored dog. can
actually make that dog gnaw a mans
leg into sausage-meat while she
!rounces him with . club, and that hs
can't chuck her into Jail for 1t; that
he's got to stand up and take it?"
I'm afraid he has," said Simms
with a sad smile.
We'll, them" said Buddy. rising and
Selling his crutches. that just leta
me out as far as this idiotic land ii
concerned. I'm going to cult. II wild
ders are to be allowed to carry on az
II men had no rights. I'll emigrate and
hunt up some country whore enlighten
ed civilization don't allow widders te
live. Let's sse,, It's India, isn't it
where they kill the wilder when hel
first husband dies? Well, that's where
I'm going. I'm going by the FIRST boat
II l stay hefe I'll be dead in a month
and SO chewed up that they'll have Il
bring me in pieces. Good morning"
And Mr.. Buddy hebbled away dis
consulate.