Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-24
HOW MEN
PROPOSE
The Amateur SocioIogis.
Reports on His investigations.
The amateur sociologist said:

who were not insane.
$50 I instituted such quiet Inquiries
among my married friends for the
purpose of ascertaining whether any
Of these idiotic manifestations had
happened to them at their mating
time. / am giving you the result of
these investigations.
"The first man I tackled was the
head clerk in crockery store and
he'd been going with the girl for a
year and a half when 1t happened.
One Sunday afternoon he took walk
with her.
'Aggie,' he said to her after they'd
been looking at some marked down
refrigerators in a furniture store win
dow, the old man boosted my pay to
30 week last night. Guess we ought
to be able to scrabble along on 80
a week, hadn't we?'
"SWell, should say was Aggies
offhand reply. There are thousands
OF folks in New York who live mighty
comfortably on half of 80 a week,
and
"And the date of that wedding was
Immediately arranged.
Next man, clerk In an insurance Of
fee, had been going with her for
about eight months. There were two
or three others In the field against
him, but he was game enough to take
a gamblers chance. They were at a
show one night and between the firvt
and second acts he leaned over to her
and said:
"'Say, Hazel, where do I stand with
you, anyhow
Now. pul-lease, Jim, don't get SEN
timental,' she replied.
but, Hazel he persisted. I'm get
ting pretty anxious to find out, you
know. don't know now whether I'm
aces or an also ran.
ooh, / don't know that you have
any occasion to worry was her re-
ply, and that, of course, was enough
for him. The date was fixed a couple
OF evenings later.
Third friend of mine whom I
tackled on this investigation was a
shorthand man in a brokers' office,
and he'd been calling on her about
three times week, taking her out,
too, with considerable regularity, for
period covering about year. One
evening he was sitting on the front
steps with her when she said to him
"Say, Charlie, guess who ran away
and got married last week? Edith
Startsomething!'
THAT So? said he. Well, say,
Ethel, how good on the run are
you?
Thus 1t was fixed.
my fourth informant was a young
lawyer-briefless at that-who'd been
a frequent caller at the home of a
wealthy girl for two years. Good
looking chap, and the girl was there
with the looks, too, in addition to hav-
ing the coin. One night they formed
part Of chaperoned box party at a
play. The play was about a family
suddenly plunged from wealth to pow
erty.
Dye know, Kate he'd said to
her, without desiring to appear mean
or cruel, / wish something Of that
sort would happen to you
What very friendly wish!' was
her reply. Why, pray?' she added, al.
though, of course, she understood him
perfectly well.
Because, then, my dear he very
quickly made answer. I wouldn't feel
like such an internal muff IL asked
you to share the little I have with
me-
30. is that IT.? she inquired, gazing
tenderly into his eyes. We'll, you
know very well, Ed, that l should
never consider you a nun under any
circumstances, no matter what you
did; and 1t is mean Of you to re-
preach me for not being poor. can't
help it, can ~
This looked good enough to my
friend the young lawyer, and 1t was.
They'd decided upon the date before
the end of that week.
Fifth man / asked was another
lawyer, and he'd been calling and
sending her candy and flowers and
taking her out right often for nearly
twelvemonth. One evening they
were taking car ride when they
passed tidy apartment house in
course of construction and nearly COM
pleted.
"'Saw the plans of those fats a
few days ago. he said to her non
chalantly. They're daisies-best ar
ranged / ever saw. Burlap walls and
all that. Mighty cheap at that-only
$50 q month for the best of 'em, and
there is an elevator, too.
81 just love red burlap for the din
ing room Of fat, don't your was
her reply.
THAT was good enough for him,
and he fled his caveat then and
there.
Il think" concluded the amateur
sociologist, shat these few random
cases which / quote, the results, as /
say, of careful investigation along this
line, clearly indicate that the fab
,dubbish junk as to declarations and
proposals set down in the fiction books
simply does not go. They don't kneel,
they don't claw the air, they don't
crawl on their stomachs. They just
ask them like sensible human beings.
They're glad If they get 'em, and they
take their medicine as rule like
little men II they're turned down."
Snake Lashed the Mule.
Union Springs, ALA coach whip