davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Imperial Valley press and the Imperial press., 1907-03-09
The Joke Maker.

"The way 1 learned my trade" said the man who makes jokes for living, twas to take advantage of every little thing that happened to come along. Whatever it might be, sad or gay, seri- ous or merry. squeezed joke out of it. At first they were very poor, but after q great deal of labor l found my brand of humor improving. True, of ten made my best friends my deadly enemies and turned every mans hand against me on more than one occasion, but at last triumphed. won't tell you what my salary is-you may not believe me But you can take my word for it. young man, that there's money in making jokes. New York Post
Imperial Valley press and the Imperial press., 1907-03-09
Lawyers at Westminster.

Of the professions and trades repre- sented in the house of commons the law holds first place, but in early days no class of men gave greater trouble than the lawyers, and many were the attempts made to keep them out of the house. James l., when the parliament of 1624-25 was to be chosen, advised electors mot to choose curious and wrangling lawyers, who may seek reputation by stirring needless ques- tiOns" This and other antagonist counsel in the past and present ha however. done little to stem the ii. of lawyers which flows at each electio into the house-Strand Magazine.
Imperial Valley press and the Imperial press., 1907-03-09
VALUE OF OLIVE OIL.
n Is Good Either Taken Internally
 or Used Externally.

Various forms and kinds of oils form a large stone in the foundation of beauty culture. Only the thoughtful observer realizes their importance and that they were indispensable to the bcllCs of old time-to the Greeks and Romans and eastern beauties of an cicnt days.
 Olive oil was the most luxurious, as we'll as the most common. It was talk en internally and externally; they rub bed with it. bathed in it, drank it and used it in a hundred ways. Olive oil is still olive oil, though not so many peo- pie recognize it's value except as an in gredient of salad dressing.
 It is excellent for the digestion and may be taken in doses of from one to nine or more teaspOonfuls a day. Some people find it is distasteful taken clear. Tn that case it may be disguised in wine or lemonade or some pleasant drink which of itself should agree with the individuals system.
 Olive oil is a good flesh builder. If rubbed into the skin, it not only accom- plishes this with faithful applications, but makes the skin soft and velvety. Being a vegetable oil it has absolutely no tendency to stimulate a growth of hair.
 Olive oil is used in z hundred other ways. but the sum of it's virtues lies simply in this-it is gentle in it's action. soothing, nourishing and strengthening.
Imperial Valley press and the Imperial press., 1907-03-09
Imperial Items
From our Regular Correspondent,

From our Regular Correspondent
 Mrs. ]. H. Holland Is making short visit In Los Angeles and San Bernardlno.
 Mrs. L. C. Vtckrey has been ap- pointed librarian of the public library
 w. J Mitchell Is spending few days in Los Angeles this week.
 L. E. Cooley Is visiting his brother and his wife in Los Angeles
 Mrs. Frank Cline Is in Calexico, the guest of Mrs. Jenkins and Mrs. Hayes.
 Mrs. Will Edgar and Mrs. Kelloch were Fl Cenro visitors on "Wednesday.
 Prof. and Mrs. Brown were called 10 San Francisco this week, by the death of Mrs. Browns mother and the dangerous illness of her father. y Mrs. Leroy Holt left the hospital on Thursday. and after visiting two or three weeks In Los Angeles, will return home, unless other complications arise in connection with her recent illness.
 Phil Strckler surprised lmperlaltes on last Sunday by joining the benedicts. The lady of his choice has been in the city but comparatively short time. Judge Dyke performed the ceremony, which was followed by sumptuous dinner at the Hotel Buckley. Con- gratulatIons and good wishes to the newly welded pair
 Mir. Reed. of Iowa has recently come to Imperial, bringing car load of goods with him He will be joined by his wife and two little boys and will at once begin work on his ranch, four miles north of Imperial. Mr. Reed is brother of Mrs. w. M. Morse.
Imperial Valley press and the Imperial press., 1907-03-09
At the hOteI Fl CentrO

l. l.. Wilson, Imperial c. r. Stone, Riverside G. o. Tetley, Imperial W. w. Wilkins, Rutland, Vt. II. F. Horn, Los Angeles H. NJ. Hunter, St. Louis j. F. Hegman, Indio H. Astreda, Los Angeles J. w. Brink, Colton B B. Maseck J. F. Roth, Brawley MT and Mrs. c. II Silliman, Holtyille F, K. Deuel, Mediord, Oregon il. J. Messenger and wife, Holtyille K. l.. Glasby, Calexico II. A. Farrar, Long Beach Mabelle Swindle, HoltYille E, J. Allin, San Diego E. A. Lee, Los Angeles J. D. McCary, Holtyille Adolph Shanks Wm. B. Cook, Los Angeles l. K. McLachlan, So. Orange, N. J. F. A. Fender, Holtyille L. HOllandsworth, CalexicO
Imperial Valley press and the Imperial press., 1907-03-09
Stockholders Meetinu

A stockholders meeting of the Fl Centro Fancy Melon Growers Assocl- ation will be held at 7:3O "Wednesday evening March 18th, 1907. The ob- ject of the meeting Is to consider the acceptance of bylaws and articles ot incorporation. All are urged to be present. P. o. Parsons. Sec'y.
Imperial Valley press and the Imperial press., 1907-03-09
His Speciality.

Young Foley looked so downcast that the market man asked why he carriea such long face
 Fired" returned Foley concisely.
 'Fired?" repeated the market man. Give you any reason for doing itY
 Yep" Foley said, with the air of a martyr. "The boss said he was losing money on the things 1 was making"
 "ls that so? What were you mak, iny?"
 "MiStakeS.'
Imperial Valley press and the Imperial press., 1907-03-09
They Didn't Tally.

That society newspaper published some very hattering remarks about me-" began Miss Devane.
 Yes" replied her best friend; "but it was horrid of the editor to go and spoil it in the way he did"
 "Spoil it, indeed! Why, he said l was beautiful belle of the younger set and'-
 "Yes, and then he put your photo graph right under it."
Imperial Valley press and the Imperial press., 1907-03-09
Notice

The annual meeting of the stock holders of the Fl Centro cantaloupe growers association will be held at. the office of the association In the Ira Aten Land company's block, Fl Centro, Cal. iforna, on Saturday, March 23d, 1907, at 2 o'clock p. m.
 48-49 w. E. WiIsie, president.
Imperial Valley press and the Imperial press., 1907-03-09
Those Good Old Days.

"Hear, wish you would lay down your novel and come and button my shirt for me"
 Dear me- I never saw such help less man. I'd like to know how you buttoned your shirts before you were married"
 My shirts had buttons on them in those days" s."-Indianapolis Star.
Imperial Valley press and the Imperial press., 1907-03-09
Modest.

"Is that all the work you can do in a day." asked the discontented em- ployer.
 Well, suh," answered Erastus Pink ley, q s'pose I could do mo, but never was much of a hand foh showin' f."-Washlngton Star
Imperial Valley press and the Imperial press., 1907-03-09
A Card of Thanks

MT. and Mrs. ThOs. Harding wish to thank their many friends for their many acts of kindness shown them during Mrs Harding's recent illness.
 MT. and Mrs Thos. Harding,
Imperial Valley press and the Imperial press., 1907-03-09
Notice

All parties knowing themselves in debted to this. firm are requested to call and settle their account right away.
 VALLEY MERCANTILE Go, Fl Centro, California.
Imperial Valley press and the Imperial press., 1907-03-09

For sale, 35,oOo red gum (eucalyp- tus) trees 6 10 8 inches, just right for planting. S5 per hundred. See s A, Cochran, Imperial Drug Co.,, Imperial, Cal.
Imperial Valley press and the Imperial press., 1907-03-09
Can't Jolly ,Em AIwnxs.

It Is easy to convince woman that you love her, but it is not so easy to live up to 1t for lifetlme.-New Zea- land Graphic.
Imperial Valley press and the Imperial press., 1907-03-09

Absence of occupation is not rest; a mind quite vacant is a mind distress ed.-Cowper.
The Coeur d'Alene press. (Coeur d'Alene, Idaho) 1906-1907, 1907-06-01
Treatment For Thrush.

Thrush is a disease Of the frog Of the
foot of horses and mules and is char
acterized by very offensive discharge
from the clefts OF the frog. II Is caused
notably by bad shoeing, whereby the
frog is prevented from coming In con-
tact with the ground, but 1t may also
be caused by an animal standing In a
dirty stable. Treat as follows: Clean
out the foot well and II lame put the
foot in a poultice for several days.
changing every day. Llnseed meal
poultice is the best, but a bran or
mashed turnip (bOile6 will do. Then
dry the foot and press a little calomel
into all the cavities from which issue
the Offensive matter. Press in some
toilet or other soft paper TO keep in the
calomel and keep out the dirt. Clean
out the frog and repeat the calomel
every second day.--Atlanta Constitu.
ton.
The Coeur d'Alene press. (Coeur d'Alene, Idaho) 1906-1907, 1907-06-01
A Doc worth HAVING.

Two years 9Go boy fourteen years
old named Edward Sweeny, living at
Opelika, Ala, was followed home by a
small dog. The animal was bobtaned
and squint eyed and by no means good
looking, and the boy was laughed at
for having him around. Within week,
however, the dog brought home a five
dollar bill In his mouth. The next week
he brought silver dollar. Then he
brought pocketknife and followed
that with dollar bill. There has hard
~ been week in these two years that
the dog has not found something. He
makes 1t his business to hunt the
streets and highways and often travel,
a distance Of thirty miles. Up to the
present date he has found and brought
home $3S in cash, besides many usefu
things.
The Coeur d'Alene press. (Coeur d'Alene, Idaho) 1906-1907, 1907-06-01
The Nine Tailors.

Perhaps you have sometimes heard
people say, 'Nine tailors make a man.
This ancient adage is said TO have had
Its origin as follows:
Nine tailors were merrily stitching
when a poor beggar passed their shop
lmploring charity of the busy workers
Straightway those kind tailors opened
a subscription list. Each contributed
something, and the money thus collect
ed, which amounted to a very respecta.
BILE sum, was handed over TO the beg
gar. The poor fellow. full of gratitude
fell upon his knees. you nine tailors, y
he exclaimed, "have made a man OF
me!'
This story deserves to be known, fol
II certainly rebounds to the credit OF
tailors.
The Coeur d'Alene press. (Coeur d'Alene, Idaho) 1906-1907, 1907-06-01
FOR THE CHILDREN
The Home 81 washinoton


Mount Vernon. the home and burial
place OF Washington. Is fifteen miles
below the city Of Washington on the
Potomac. The house Is Of wood two
stories In height with a broad portico
N front The rooms are plainly fur.
nAshed, and some of them are kept Just
as they were when Washington died
There are many fine old trees around
the house, and a pretty lawn slopes
down to the river Not far from the
house is the vault where the body OF
washington was laid after his death
and the new vault to which 1t was
transferred In 1890 Lawrence Wash
lngton. brother to George, built Mount
Vernon. naming IT after Admiral Yer
non. The plnce is In charge Of an asso
citation Of women, who bought 1t Ii
1863 and keep Il for the benefit OF Wis
itors.
The Coeur d'Alene press. (Coeur d'Alene, Idaho) 1906-1907, 1907-06-01
Traininn 20 : plr.A.

An item concerning Washington Irv-
ing, for the truth OF which we cannot
vouch, although It contains a deal OF
good advice for certain youngsters OF
the present time, has lately come to
our notice. 1t is to this intent: Wash.
ington Irving in his youth had long
ing to go to sea and be pirate. He
determined to make the attempt. but
wisely decided to prepare himself fol
1t by preliminary experience. He be-
gan by eating salt pork. That made
him sick. He then slept for night OF
80 on hard boards That made him
sore. 1t was enough. He had nc
more desire to 20 away. Other boys
who want to capture men-o'-war or de
sire to go scouting and scalp Indians
would do well to initiate young Irv
tng's example.
The Coeur d'Alene press. (Coeur d'Alene, Idaho) 1906-1907, 1907-06-01
How : Rear Runs.

The dull looking and numbering old
grizzly bears that city boys and girls
See In the park cages and that few
country folks see in tlie mountains
from time to time appetr awkward
and slow of pace. but LOOK out for
them when they get to running. y
AT that time Mr. Grizzly seems to be
about three-fourths hind legs and one
fourth head. And how he does run
along! He seems to simply roll over
the ground like a giant snowfall
bounding down a steep hill
Bruin can outrun the fastest horse
over a good course, and when hard
pressed be will bounce from fifteen ia
twenty feet at a jump. and his tracks
will be marked by claw holes that re
semble the work Of a big farm harrow
The Coeur d'Alene press. (Coeur d'Alene, Idaho) 1906-1907, 1907-06-01
Treatmsnt For cewnos.

CowpOx is more or less contagious
and sometimes carried from COW to
COW by the hands Of the mixer, says
American Cultiyator. The best treat
ment is the application Of some healing
material like oxide of zinc ointment
after each milking. After milking
cows affected with this disease the
hands should be washed before passing
TO the next COW to prevent the disease
from spreading. No serious harm will
probably be done, the worst feature
being the nuisance for a time during
milking until the sore places heal.
The Coeur d'Alene press. (Coeur d'Alene, Idaho) 1906-1907, 1907-06-01

Harry Jones. who formerly lived az
234 Sonth Cleveland avenue, Pocatel-
o: says; Il have suffered from rheu-
matism terribly for years. A year
ago went 10 Hot Springs 10 take a
course Of sulphur baths. and received
much benefit from that treatment.
When returned home ] had attacks
at different periods and one Of the
clerks in the store ia which ! work
recommended DoaB's Kidney Pills.
which he said he had used with great
benefit. went to = drug store and
got a box. Tbey benefited me IN
every way and haaliy caused the pain
to disappear entirely. Ny father has
used Doan's Kidney Pills and thinks
there is nothing Iike them for curing
backache" For sale By all dealers.
Price so cents. Foster Miiburn 60 !.
buffalo. N. Y. sole agents for the
United States. Remember the name
-Doan's and take no other.
The Coeur d'Alene press. (Coeur d'Alene, Idaho) 1906-1907, 1907-06-01

A little boy. paying his FIRST visit to
the country. was taken to the barn to
zee some chickens just Matched. This
was his 1rst introduction to the process
Of incubation, and he looked with open
eyes and mouth at the duffy chicks
while the Matching process was being
explained to him, after which his moth
sr was startled BY his rushing into the
house, exclaimIng: ''oh, mamma. man
ma! Come out to the barn. quick IN
Gle John has Just set hen and hatchsd
out ten little Henrys!'
The Coeur d'Alene press. (Coeur d'Alene, Idaho) 1906-1907, 1907-06-01

Duck eggs lose their fertility very
rapidly. hence should be comparatively
fresh when placed in an incubator or
under a hen.
Cleanliness in the poultry yard b
worth a whole medicine chest full Of
remedies in preventing disease
Whenever young chickens are taken
from the nest while the hatch Is In
progress care must be taken that they
do not become chilled, night or day.
The busy hen Is the one that lays the
eggs.
The Coeur d'Alene press. (Coeur d'Alene, Idaho) 1906-1907, 1907-06-01
clan az ths e.

Clara wanted very much to go out
IN the yard TO play. Her big sister said
20 her:
"YOu mustn't so In the yard Don't
you see that mulley COW out thereF
What do you suppose she would do
with her horns IL you went close 70
herr Clara answered, 4 suppose she
w0uId blow them
The Coeur d'Alene press. (Coeur d'Alene, Idaho) 1906-1907, 1907-06-01
Worshipino Snakes.

In some districts of India there are
from $4,000 to 10000 shrines dedicated
exclusively to snakes. The property at
etached to these shrines Is often very
valuable. and the rents are used to
keep up the numerous ceremonies the
seekers OF the shrine have to perform.
Fantastic idols Of serpents are set up
In these shrines, and the devotees of
this strange religion make periodical
offerings Of dough, milk and cooked
rice to the serpents living in the
shrines, hoping thereby 10 gain extraor-
binary favors.
The Coeur d'Alene press. (Coeur d'Alene, Idaho) 1906-1907, 1907-06-01
FOR FARMERS
Tsstinp Turkey Esua.


After nine days the eggs should be
tested before a candle or lamp In the
evening Hold the large end Of TIE azg
between the thumb and finger and turn
steadily round before the light IL the
eggs are fertile they win be very
cloudy. and a dark speck can be seen
near the large end. but n infertila viii
be quite clear. Turkey eggs. AZ q ruIa.
take twenty seven or twenty eight days
10 hatch out. but 1t Is advisable 70
leave them until the twenty ninth day
In case some may be late In Matching
out.
II on the twenty ninth day the egg
has not Clipped, make an incision Ia
the end just at the top. and II the skin
Il white the turkey II alive. bat n darA
the young bird Is dead. This brings me
to a point which y often overlooked
and causes the death OF many an en-
bryo turkey namely. b help the younG
turkey to get out OF the shell when
found to be alive ON the twenty ninth
day. 1t II done by holding the small
end Of the egg 10 the light; then taI
lightly with the finger. and the posi-
ton OF the beak win be found. and
then chip Il there, for unless the beal
lies perfectly straight It slips. and tn
youngster cannot break the shell
hence the need Of help.-London Mail.
The Coeur d'Alene press. (Coeur d'Alene, Idaho) 1906-1907, 1907-06-01
REACHING THE Spot

u OAn Be Done, 50 Sc0feB % IOeuE @
AIene Citizens Say
To cure an aching back,
The pains Of rheumatism.
The tired-out feelings.
You must reach the spot--get at the
cause.
In most cases It's the kidneys.
Doan's Kidney Pills arc for the kid
neys.
The Coeur d'Alene press. (Coeur d'Alene, Idaho) 1906-1907, 1907-06-01

I hrusiRht a shell back from the "a
I KEGS Il IN my room with me.
And when the waves ! wish 20 heAS
hpld the seAsheEi 20 my ear.
The Coeur d'Alene press. (Coeur d'Alene, Idaho) 1906-1907, 1907-06-01

Plant Food and Moisture In Manure.
The plant food In a ton OF manure
varies somewhat with the kind OF live
stock. Thus young growing animals
and animals giving milk win retain a
larger proportion of the nitrogen and
phosphorus than fatteninR stock. work
horses or other mature animals. On
the other hand. 1t 10 well to understand
that the differences in value commonly
recognized and most frequently con-
sidered-as, for example, between
sheep manure and cattle manure-are
due almost entirely TO differences In
water content AS a matter OF fact,
manure from work horses or from fat
tening steers fed on clover hay and
heavy grain rations Is fully as rich and
valuable as sheep manure II both ara
reduced 10 the same percentage OF dry
matter. OF course sheep manure, con
tanning only 90 per cent OF water. d
twice as rich as cattle manure contain
ing so per cent OF water.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1907-07-02
AN AWFUL wALLoPING.

Springfield, July 2.-The cham pions were given a fearful mauling on Hampden park yesterday after noon. the Ponies winning by score of ls to 1. The score:
 R.H.E. sprinsfield ls432100.--1s 21 { Norwich 000000 010-- 65 Batteries-Hess and Robarge; Hailigan. Queen and Bridges.
 Sacrifice hits. Robarge, Waite, Hess: stolen bases, Luby. Rising 2, Standard 2. Keenan; two base hits. Rising, Standard. Burns; three base hit. Rising; bases on balls. on Hess [. on Halligan 3. on Queen 2: left on bases. Springfield s. Norwich &; struck out. by Hess 6. by Halligan 1. by Queen 1; hits. on Halligan 2 ia I-3 innings. off Queen li in s "a innings; double plays. Burns, Keensn and Luby; Hess, Burns and Luby: Pastor and Soffel: wild pitch, Queen: time. 1h Ism; umpire, Kelly
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1907-07-02
NO ONE TO MEET sHRUBB.
English Runner Who Wants to Meet
 Any Two Americans.

So clearly does Alfred Shrubb. the English champion distance runner, want to demonstrate to followers of foot racing in this country that he is anxious to hook up in match race against any pair of distance runners in the country, two miles or more, his opponents to run in relays.
 Shrubb finds it dificult to get many engagements and has decided to seek matches with braces of run- ners. allowing them to run in relays. His exhibition Saturday at the Pro- fessional A. A. games at Dorchester plainly showed that he is In a class by himself and that Tom Longboat. the Indian. would not be able to cope with him if 1t came to a race at any distance
 Shrubb's smoothness Is that of a machine in operation. running with as little exertion as possible He is slated to run several races, the next display of skill being at the Clan na-Gael games on Independence day in the five mile run. He will en. deavor to beat 25 minutes. which Jim Grant. the old pro" Is credited with having done on Holmes field a mum Der of years ago. Shrubb is alsc slated to contest In the three mile event at the games of the Caledouiar lelub. where he will make an attempt to establish a worlds record.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1907-07-02
HoeAN's FAST TINE.
Brideport Won s200 by Running
 Five Miles in Fifty. One Minutes.

Bridgeport July 2,.-In the pre- senee of some 1000 spectators and amid much enthusiasm, William Ho- gan. the well known sporting man. ran five miles in fifty minutes Sl seconds, at the Seaside Park race track the other day. winning $500 as a wager with a bundle of money on the side. By finishing the dis- tanee within IBIS. lot of Mir Ho- gan's friends shared In the winnings. and 1t is estimated that over 1000 changed hands on the result Tks Williams. the we'll known hotel keep. CT of Howard avenue. Fritf< Hart- mann and numerous others won large stakes by placing their faith fkn the ability of Mr Hogan to nnish the five miles within the time limit. sss- eral of those who doubted the ability of the contestant to run the distancs out were astonded at the resuIt- Charles Berger and Ben Miller fol- l lowed the racer arount the track e see that he did not falter or vaIk. Had he stopped or fallen or walked he would have lost the wager. He ran the first mile In s.30 and the Iasi in 2. making the last half mile in ths shortest time. minutes
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1907-07-02
THE DIAMOND
WON OUT IN
 THE TWELFTH
Waterbury With Bronkie on. the Slab Beat Hartford . Norwich
 Got a Fearful Drubbing.

Hartford, July 2.--Both Cunning ham and Bronkie pitched good ball yesterday, and but few runs were made on hits alone. Four double plays were made during the after hoon, each side getting its share. Two of them cut off what would have been sure runs. Waterbury's short stop was the bad actor for that team and two of his errors were life saw CTS for aHrtford. President Tracy and Chief Kennedy attended the game as they wanted to see Murray work. The president announced that he had received the fines that had been levied upon Captain Nichols of Waterbury and he thought fines would be paid more promptly here after.
 The trouble between Murray and Nehring too kplace in the seventh The. second strike on the batsman wasJn close and it was very low. The batsman indicated his displeasure and when he struck out he gave his bat long throw. Murray fined hin S5. Nehring wanted to be shown Murray told him that he was trying to show the unp up by throwing hi' bat away. Nehring said he had no done anything and he wanted tt know hy he had been fined, intimat ing that he was regular Sphin, and the original member of the Silen association. The player followed thu umpire around and insisted upor knowing the reason for being fined Finally the umpire beckoned to Pc liceman riley to put Nehring off th' ground. The policeman didn't budge Manager Clarkin tried to get Nehr ing away but he shook the manage of. When Nehring went on tn, bench O'Leary took his place at frs and Karch went behindthe bat. Tn score: