The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1907-05-07

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An English vegetarian proposed to
woman. whereupon she delivered
herself OF the following scathing
words: Go along with you. What?
BE flesh OF your flesh, and you a.liv-
ing on cabbage? Go and marry a
grass dow!"-Argonaut
How is this for knock at the spin.
ster?
When Mrs. Lynch, the author Of an
incorrigible pupil, called at Long Is.
land City school the other day she
apologized to the teacher for pair
OF black eyes that her husband had
given her. The teacher sought words
to comfort the poor woman.
It's too bad you have so many trou.
bles," she said. But 1t could be mueA
worse"
True for you. ma'am," said MrJ
Lynch. 1T could be very much
worse. Shure | might be after having
no husband at all, like yourself,
ma'am. Exchange.
Father Bernard VPughan, whose on
slaught on the English smart set" is
attracting so much attention, has plen.
ty OF humor. once at Trinity college,
Cambridge. he was studing Holbeins'
picture of Henry VIII What would
Nt.s.
stepped out OF the canvas?" asked a
friend. Father Vaughan replied: Il
should request the ladies to leave the
room kansas City Star
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One day the yardmsster asked an
earnest employee at the roundhouse
II he could run an engine. Can Oi
run an engine? II there's anything
Ord rather do all day long It's run an
engine" Suppose you run that engine
in the house" "Oi'll do IT, bluffed
Pat, and climbed to the cab. He look
ed around, spat on his hands, grabbed
the biggest lever and pulled it wide
open. Zip! she went into the roun-
house. Pat saw the bumpers ahead
and, guessing what would happen, re-
versed the lever clear back Out she
went--ln again-out again Then the
yardmaster yelled: Il thought you
said you could run an engine?' But
Pat had an answer ready: "Oi had
her in three times. Why didn't you
shut the door?"-Argonaut.
-.E1.NIH.i & -
There are still few honest men
left In the world" said J. J. Hill. the
noted financier at a banquet in New
York. 1T Is well to be cautious, but
we should not suspect everybody II
we are too suspicious we make our
selves absurd.
81 worked in St Paul in my youth.
and they still tell there about an old
farmer and his wife who started for
st. Paul on a. visit.
Before the couple set off, they
were cautioned repeatedly by their
friends to beware of the st. Paul
sharpers. They replied that they
would keep their eyes open. And
they started on their journey with a
nervous determination to look out for
sharpers and confidence men.
"Well. on the way. the old farmer
got off at junction to buy some lunch
and the train went off without him. II
was terrible mlshap. The last he
saw of his wife, she was craning out
of the car window. shouting something
reproachful at him which he couldn't
hear on account of the noise of the
train.
1T happened that an express came
along a few minutes later The old
farmer boarded the express, and beat
his wife to st. Paul by nearly an hour
HE was waiting for her at the sta
tion when she arrived. He ran up tC
her and seized her valise.
"Well, Jane he said, I'm glad Il
see ye again. | thought we was sepa
rated for good
"But the old lady jerked the valls'
from him Indignantly.
"'No, ye don't Mr.. Sharper sh'
cried 4 left my husband at the juno
tion. Don't be comm any Of yer con
fidence tricks on me, or I'll call po
liceman.' kansas City Journal.
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An Irishman looking for work tool
his stand in a group at the gate OF
large engineering establishment. b.
and by the foremen came up to th
gate and asked:
"Are there any drlllers here?'
YES" said Pat, stepping forward
He got the job at once, but he ha
not been working long at the machin