davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The independent., 1907-03-28
LEGISLATIVE BUNCOMBE.

The recent warm spell appears to
have inaugurated the silly season
among the legislators. First came forth
Senator Joe Burns, who wished to
amend the constitution by motion in
the senate to the effect that no news
papers be allowed to attempt to in
fluence the legislators by printing any
editorial or news comment or opinion
upon the measures before that body.
Next came Representative McMullen,
who had scheme to limit the charges
of a newspaper to a candidate in a
primary election to the simple sum of
81. In this position he was supported
by that able champion of human
rights, Tom Hamer, the Buffalo county
prodigy.
Mr.. Burns has persistently been un-
able to distinguish between what is
right and what is offensive in lobbying
We have no objections to his classing
newspaper comment and opinion as
lobbying, if his perception of the pro-
prieties leads him to that conclusion,
but we desire to call his attention to
the fact that it is not the lobbying
that is done out in the open and that is
intended to enhance the public interest
rather than a private interest that has
! IT is the secret influence eXerted by
the paid representatives of special in
terests that has debauched many a
legislator. 1t will be impossible to stop
all lobbying, but if the lobbyists are
driven into the open, they can do no
harm if their aims are bad, and they
will do good il their aims are for the
best.
AS for Mr.. McMullen's proposition,
it is rather too absurd for considera-
ton, and we can only conclude that
its intent was to delay primary legisa-
ton But granting that he was really
sincere, he has an entirely erroneous
idea about the influence of newspapers
in directing results, and an exaggerated
idea about the desire of the newspapers
to dictate. No sane editor cares to
become a party boss, picking candi-
dates and vetoing the aspirations of
others. Politics and political patronage
cut such a small figure in the counting
rooms that the best part of the busi-
ness. the mercantile advertising, will
be nurtured more than the ambitions
of any men, The whole trend of the
newspaper business nowadays is to-
wards a course that means better con-
ditions of government, because news
papers are dependent, to quote from an
Iowa contemporary, 'for their life and
profits upon decent relations in their
home communities BY which is
meant that, as between candidates at a
primary, newspapers will not interfere,
save to defeat a grossly incompetent or
unworthy man, and will aim to be fair
to all
The independent., 1907-03-28

Edith Cutting is free to marry again
in South Dakota, but if caught in
Massachusetts she will be subject to
prosecution for bigamy. She obtained
residence in South Dakota long enough
to get a divorce under the South Da-
kota statutes as they were before the
last legislature did it's work, but the
Massachusetts courts hold, following
the late decision of the federal su-
preme court, that the South Dakota
court had no jurisdiction over the
husband An ungenerous person might
wonder whether the beiatcd willing
ness of South Dakota to reform her
divorce laws had any relation to the
deteriorated value of a Dakota di-
vorce under the new construction.
The independent., 1907-03-28

The fire test of the vitality of the
Helicon hall idea promises to turn ia
vorably. A part of the colonists have
decided to continue under the original
plan, living in tents for the present.
While some members are said to have
found the experiment SO little to their
taste that they will not continue it in
any event, there is a waiting list Of
twenty-five ready to take their places
Should plant be constructed espe-
cially for the colony it will not be
made to house the colonists under a
single. roof, as in Helicon hall. Cot
tages of four or five rooms each will
be built for private homes and large
central building provided for the COM
mon purpose, such as social gather
ings, dining hail. nurseries, schools
and administrative offices. This was
the original plan of Mr.. Sinclair.
The independent., 1907-03-28

Behind the appointment of Jonn q.
Safer to be federal judge for the
southern district of Ohio there is a
story The story is that Senators
Foraker and Dick asked for the ap-
pointment of ]. J. Adams who had
rendered them valuable service in
their struggle to retain control of the
party last year. President Roosevelt
is apparently not making appoint
ments just now for the strengthening
of the Foraker Dick machine, par
ticularly where judgeships are in
volved. For aught anyone knows this
may be the gage of the battle that
will have to be fought before Taft
gets the Ohio delegation to the ma
tional convention.
The independent., 1907-03-28

Nebraska people may not realize that
one of the most remarkable events of
the period has just occurred in this
state. After half a generation of talk
Ing and legislating against trusts, the
cases of prison sentence for violation
of antitrust laws anywhere In
America can be recorded on the fingers
of one hand. When ice trust conspira-
tors were sentenced TO prison last
summer at Toledo. o., the event was
considered epochal. But though the
country was dotted with ice monopoiies
and hot with prosecutions no other al
legged vioiatofs of antitrust laws went
to Jail though some were fined. The
conviction and sentence 10 prison of
Samuel II. Howell. formerly president
of the Omaha coal exchange, on
charges of violating the state anti
trust laws liz SO far as reported the
first case Of the kind since the Toledo
trial. Mr.. Howell's case Will of course
not be settled until passed upon by the
higher court.
The independent., 1907-03-28

The hobo has a lot of trouble with
policemen, dogs and poor pie, but he
enjoys the distinction Of being prac-
tically the only person who can take
an absolutely disfnterested view Of the
2-cent mile and anti-pass railroad
legislation
The independent., 1907-03-28

When a friend tells you something
mean that has been said about you It
means one of two things: Your friend
has it in for you or in for the person
he claims said the mean thing.
The independent., 1907-03-28

There is a lot of nonsense in the
newspapers; and we suppose we fur
msh our share of it.
The independent., 1907-03-28

Our idea Of a self possessed man is
one who can have good time on the
witness stand.
The independent., 1907-03-28

Nothing makes a man so happy as
to collect bad debt or secure an in
crease of his pension.
The independent., 1907-03-28

Undertakers are nice men, and use
full but no one ever sincerely wishes
them prosperity.
The independent., 1907-03-28

'If you had my wife," drunkard
said to Chief Sullivan today, you'd
drink, too"
The independent., 1907-03-28
SHORT STORIES.

aFFIE," said Margie, who was
IL laboriously spelling words from
a first reader ''how can / tell which
is ID and which is 'b'?"
Why replied Efiie, wisely, the ID
has It's tummy on its back"
The independent., 1907-03-28

A. young matron of Baltimore, upon
entering her nursery, found her young
est in tears.
why. what's the matter with
Harry?" she asked the nurse.
He's mad, num-" explained nurse,
because / wouldn't let him go to- the
Simonses' acrost the strate.'
And why wouldn't you let him go
Norah?"
Because, mum. they're havn' cha
rades, so he said, an / wasn't sure
whether he'd had thin or not
when I was city editor Of the
Virginia City Enterprise" remarked
Mark Twain at a dinner in New York,
"a fine turkey was one day left at the
Office
Turkeys were rare in that high al
titude, and we all hankered after this
bird The proprietor, though, claimed
1t for his own. He took 1t home and
had it cooked for dinner.
THE next day, as he was expatiating
on the turkeys richness and tender
ness, letter was handed to him. He
opened 1t and read:
Mr.. Editor:
Yesterday I sent you turkey
which has been the cause of much dis
pute among u.s. TO settle a bit, will
you kindly ask your agricultural editor
to state in tomorrow's issue what it
died off,
A young lady who taught Sunday
school class of young boys was often
nonplussed by the ingenious questions
sometimes propounded. by her hopefuls
One Sunday the lesson touched on
the story of Jacobs dream in which he
had vision of angels descending and
ascending a ladder extending from
heaven to earth. One inquiring young
ster wanted to know why the angels
used ladder. since they all had
wings. AT a loss for d reply, the
teacher sought to escape the difficulty
by leaving the question to the class
Can any of you tell us why the
angels used ladder?" she asked.
One little fellow raised his hand.
Please, ma am" he Said 'p'r'aps
they was moulting!"
A rich man out in the suburbs who
owns a large place has among the
many people employed to keep ii in
shape an Irishman of whom he Is par
ticularly fond, on account Of his un-
conscious wit. This Irishman is some
thing of a hard drinker, and. as his
income is limited, he Is more particular
as regards the quantity than the quail
ity of his liquids. The other day the
employer, who had been awaiting a
good opportunity, remarked in a kind
tone, as the closing sentence Of a
friendly lecture:
Now, Pat, how long do you think
you can keep on drinking this cheap
whiskey?"
TO which Pat instantly replied:
"All my life, If it doesn't kill me-
The independent., 1907-03-28
ATcHIsoN GLOBE SIGHTS.

Here is something as true as gospel
Half you hear about people is untrue.
The independent., 1907-03-28

Tommy" said the fond mother,
isn't 1t rather an extravaganza to eat
both butter and jam on your bread at
the same time?"
NO ma'am. It's economy" the boy
answered. The same piece of bread
does for both"
The independent., 1907-03-28

one day an army chaplain saw a
soldier, by the name of Mcdonnell,
making for the back door OF saloon.
"McDonnelll" the chaplain shouted, -
Mcdonnell, oh, McDonneiil"
Mcdonnell turned, gave him hasty
look, frowned. and darted into the bar.
The chaplain loitcred outside the door
till Mcdonnell came forth again.
Mcdonnell ne said. reproachfully,
didn't you hear me calling your"
Yes, STR" Mcdonnell answered. II
did: but--bnt ! only had tho price AZ
one drink"
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1907-12-27
AN. ENGLl5H eRoMERJ s5UccEcjJ

site with gentle fall, just enough t.
insure perfect drainage, sufficient sur
face soil for his purpose and under
meath the sandstone which enables
him to keep, the roots of his trees
we'll under control.
To those who associate the size Of
plant with that of its fruit, Mr..
Lees trees would come as surprise,
there being few over six feet high,
and many of them considerably less.
They are planted just sufficiently far
apart to allow free movement between
them. Accustomed to seek our apples
towards the top of the tree, we find,
under Mr.. Lees guidance, the process
considerably reversed, branches bend
ing beneath their burden of fruit only
two feet from the ground. Another
surprise exre:ienccd was the very
drastic way the knife is used. Though
no believer in summer pruning, he
does it sufficiently early in the au-
tumn to allow the sap on it's way back.
as he naively expresses it, to visit and
strengthen the fruit-buds of the next
year; so during September, while still
bearing, all the new weed is cut back
to within two or three eyes of the
parent branch, reminding one some
what Of the plants in tomato house
when fruiting is well advanced. Mr..
Lee is essentially a modest man, and
claims no particular skill for his
Brobdingnagian apples they grow,
and he gathers them, just as he would
his potatoes or cabbages; but one
notices a twinkle in the corner of his
eye which bellies the childlike sim
plicity Of his countenance as he makes
the statement. /, OF course, he is not
going to give his secrets away, but he
admits that he believes in plenty Of
rich top-dressing and during the dry
season a plentiful and frequent water.
ing with manure water.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1907-12-27
Didn't Mind Showing Her Ankle.

Dldnt MIND showing Her Ankle.
Conductor John Gaudam was very
sensitive about his name, and always
insisted that friends addressing him
hastily should call him John" says
correspondent. He was one Of the
best fellows ever worked with, but
he was continually getting into hot
water.
ION one of our trips Gaudam was
passing through coach when he no.
ticed woman asleep in a seat. Her
head was on the window:siil, and her
feet extended to the aisle. Her dress
was SO badly disarranged that her
ankle, and good portion of an ex-
Quisitely fashioned calf were plainly
visible. A number of men a few
seats farther down were contemplate
ing the scene with keen enjoyment.
Now, Gaudam was always very
strict, and kept things straight on his
train, and he noticed this. He touched
the woman on the shoulder and woke
her up.
Madam he said, politely; excuse
me for disturbing you, but your dress
is SO disarranged that your ankle is
exposed
..'Oh, that makes no difference re-
piled the woman, smiling sweetly. It's
nothing but cork
\ In three seconds Gaudam was in
the baggage car, where he promptly
lost his religion" 4,
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1907-12-27

take care of the freight business for
the present on the Cazadero division.
Passenger trains and individual cars
will continue on the line equipped with
automotors as heretofore, the locomo
ttves being intended for freight ser.
vice entirely. having displaced the
steam engines previously used on the
run. 5N
The new electric locomotives are
OF 40 tons weight, and are of the
latest model. These engines are in
use on most of the eastern trolley
lines that have suburban freight ser
vice and are found to be adapted for
the purpose better than anything yet
Observation-Disclosures Oregonian.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1907-12-27
Engineers 'Heroi.m.

The locomotive engineer in Arizona
who ran a burning powder train half
a mile. to save a town and was blown
to- bits in the expected and Inevitable
explosion, was a hero Of the most pro
nounced type. But striking feature
OF his heroism was that he did not
think of 1t in that light. but sacrificed
his life as matter OF course and plain
detail Of duty, knowing there was no
reward for him this side Of the grave.
That Is the sort Of heroism which tells
IN the ;betterings Of the human race
and In the raising Of its, stahdards.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1907-12-27
GETTING A RAILROAD JOB.
Unfortunately, Novice Made Bad Bun
gle Of His Application.

His name doesn't matter, but he re.
sides near Forest Park, He was 20
when this happened (Which is only a
few short weeks agol, and just out of
school. He wanted a job-something
good, of course, for he had CONQUERED
in his struggle with the class valedic.
tory, and everybody, including his rel.
atives, had said that he was destined
to become a great man. He thought
he'd like the railroad business, and he
told his desire to friend.
: The main thing" advised the
friend, lis to convey the impression
that you know something about the
business when you ask for a job. And
the more they think you know the bet.
ter the job you'll get. When you
tackle the big noise who sits at the
mahogany desk try and talk like rail.
road man."
The future great man spent two or
three days practicing what he thought
was railroad LINGO" and then went
down to the Office of one of the big
railroads.
Entering the employment depart.
ment, he repeated to himself the little
speech he had prepared, and he
handed his card to the secretary with
the assurance of time-tried business
man. But when he was escorted into
the presence Of the superintendent he
lost his nerve and his memory de-
serted him. However, he chung to his
hat bravely, and blurted out: rs there
any danger of getting job around
here?"
There wasn't.-St. Louis Globe-D Dem.
ocrat.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1907-12-27

American fruit growers will. be in.
terested in the success of an English
orchardtst, John Lee. of Higher Beb.
fngton, in Cheshire, who has won con-
siderable distinction by the superior
grade of apples which he grows. At
most Of the provincial fruit and flower
shows this year where he has exhib-
tied his fruit he has won the bulk of
the premiums.
The curiosity of a representative of
Country Life being aroused, he paid
q, visit to Mr. Lees place. It is stu
ated about three miles from Liverpool,
in, a district of yellow sandstone, COW
cred with a few feet of rich soil. I'm
der the shelter of a strip of woods Mr..
Lees orchards are located, an ideal
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1907-12-27
A Vacation.

A Vacation.
A certain scientist in the service of
Uncle Sam at Washington is said to
be hard taskmaster to both his Of
fetal and his domestic servants.
Being detailed once to accompany a
scientific expedition on an extended
cruise, the scientist is said to have
unbent trifle/in communicating the
news to his personal attendant.
Henry" said he, chow would you
like to go with me around the world ?"
"Do we go from east to west, sir?"
asked the man.
yes"
"And we lose a day going that way,
do we not, sir?"
I'VE do"
Then, sir, should like very much
to go. It would give me day off,
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1907-12-27
PATENTS.

List Of Patents Issued Last Week to
Northwestern Inventors,
Reported by Lothrop & Johnson,
patent lawyers, Oil Pioneer Press
building, st. Paul, Mimi: William
Behl, Scotland, IS. D., eaves-strip;
Adolph w. Berkner, Cayuga, N. D.,
elevator bucket; Henry S. Blood. Bot
tineau, N. D., stovepipe joint; Thorn
as ]. Cunning, Chatfield. Mimi, lawn
mower; Abner Johnson, Strandquist,
Mimi, snap-hook; Knute Leidal and
M. Ulring, Webster, Mimi, carrier;
David H. Quinn, Williams, Mimi,
water tank heater.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1907-12-27

Study the Grasses.-Every farmer
should experiment on his land with
many kinds of grasses for the pur
pose Of securing the ones that will
give the best returns for the labor and
the fertility put upon them. Grasses
and we mean to include the legumi.
nous plants, which are not true
grasses, are of many kinds, and few
farmers have tried to raise more than
a very limited number. 1t is certain
that few farms can be found that
would not give greater yield Of for.
age II their owners would make ex.
periments with the grasses to learn
which are more adapted to their con.
ditions. No two farms have the same
conditions as to drainage, texture OF
soil and soil composition. Thus, 1t is
not possible to learn from others, es.
pecially those hundreds of miles away,
which are the grasses most suitable
for the farms. Every farmer must be
to a limited extent an experimenter.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1907-12-27

Value Of Fat on steers.-The value
of fat on steers depends on the Kind
Of steers on which the fat is placed.
( II it is placed around the intestines It
is worth only few cents per pound.
lift is marbled through the lean meat
1t isworth several times as much. The
placing of the fat to- the best adj
vantage seems to be mostly the result
of breeding. There appears to be no
way Of feeding by which steer can
be made to work the surplus fat into
the best form of meat for consump.
ton. For this reason It is mistake
for a farmer to feed his steers of low
quality, especially when he must use
ahigh-priced corn for finishing them.
The high-prtced corn must be turned
into high-priced meat to as great an
extent as possible. A.'i 3
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1907-12-27
SWAMP DRAINAGE
BY BORE-HOL

The application to swamp drainage
of q method sometimes used for draw
ing OF surface water by opening up
holes to a lower water-bearing statum,
Is proposed by B. G.. Cope in con
tribution to The Manufacturers Rec
ord. and will prove interesting to the
tanner.
THE method employed is to bore
holes of large diameter through the
everything plastic stratum, stopping
the holes in sand or gravel beds,
where the water may have easy access
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1907-12-27
tPoRTLAkoss ELECTRIC ENoihEs.
Four Locomotives Run BY Electricity
Will BE Devoted TO Freight aervlce.

Two electric locomotives were de.
.livered for the o. w. p. company Sat.
'urday afternoon at the East Side
yards, which when fitted up will be
put on the freight run on the Cazadero
division. These two engines were
made by the General Electric COM
:pany OF Schenectady, N. Y, and came
west on their own wheels.
The company has under construc.
ton at its shops on the East side, two
additional engines of the same type
nearing completion. These four will
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1907-12-27
!. No Latino r

Darling" whispered the young
lover tenderiy, as he raised her sweet
enameled face from his shoulder to
gaze into her eyes, what an impress
sion you have made upon met" :
20, that'll brush on" she murmur-
ed lightly, as she flicked his coat col
lar with, her fingers; Its only face
powder" -.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1907-12-27
one wav to Wisdom.

one way TO Wtsdon.
II think" said the gay youths
father, "it's about time you stopped
this foolishness and began to acquire
little wisdom"
my scheme" replied the youth, is
to acquire wisdom by first determin.
ing how foolish I can be-" i,
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1907-12-27

Phone Number on Cow man liy.
Ing IN the suburbs Of Chicago, who has
been troubled with his COW strayiinr
away, has painted the number 81 his
telephone plainly on the COW ant
whenever the animal wanders too la
away some one calls up the owner
who sends Tor her. sss35 M
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1907-12-27

~ s ! J. -
to the lower stratum. For draining
swamps or low ground, where an open
ditch or sewer line would be ex,
Spehsive. the bore holes are the most
practical soluti Ion.
THE usual method Of procedure is
TO select the lowest point on the
ground TO be drained, and drive in SIX
sor eight-inchs wrought iron pipes down
ia the sand. gravel or rock format ton,
sink q pit about three feet ssquare: and
an With stone and gravel 10 litter the
water when going down: the hole. % as
2tos prevent nth leaves, etc, from
sntsring ths pip i gravel Il. sbed eight
III ton tent thick will TAXI care 81 q
stream of witer a. many Instances TO
ths I'M city 81 the driye-pipe ' 81 n
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1907-12-27

clinging to the Tag.
seen Mrs. showoff's new imported
gown?"
"Yes; she hadn't removed the price
tag. called her attention to it yester.
day."
II called her attention to it last
week."
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1907-12-27
Social Helps

Social Helps.
"Her marriage got her place in So
ciety."
"Well?"
"And her divorce clinched It."
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1907-12-27

JOIN OUR EXCURSION TO TEXAS
Gulf Coast. Leaving St. Paul Jan. Z. Theo
f. Koch Land Co.. Globe Eldg., ST. Paul.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1907-12-27

Many church is trying to make
up for the putty in the pulpit by the
starch in the pews.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1907-12-27
lnstallments.

Church-Do you suppose they will
ever get that awful smell out CT the
subway? ~
Gotham don't know. know l
take lot of it out with me every day!
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1907-12-27

Some folks never appear to enjoy
life's roses until they sit down among
it's thorns.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1907-12-27

The power of truth depends less
on the brilliancy of the setting than
on the character of the source.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1907-12-27

WE PAY Tor PRICES FOR cREAM.
Cash every day. Write for prices and tags.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1907-12-27

For Over Half Century
Browns Bronchial Troches have been
pnexcelled as a cure for hoarseness,
coughs and sore throat. 3.