Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1907-02-09
THE PENSION OFFICE

ILL i, ENDlU1Ns 5lJFflIiE
tiuMoR THAT SPICES THE ROUTINE
WORK OF THE OFFICIALS.
Some OF the Quaint and Original APP
plications For Payments That Hava
Been Handed IN to the Represents
tives Of Uncle sam. s
If he dared to do SO the commissioner
81 pensions at Washington could COM
pile q delightful volume, putting there.
In the strange applications for pensions
that come to his Office Some Of these
letters belong to the s'too good to keep"
class, and they find their way out into
the world, where they add a good deal
to the hilarity Of nations. Some appli-s
cants for pensions manifest the most
childlike ignorance regarding the meth,
cd of procedure necessary when apply
ing for h pension. They seem to think
that all they have to do is to send i'm
application to the pension Office and
Uncle Sam will forward a check by re-
turn mail. s3 5 81:
Fl Soon after the close of the civil war
there came to the pension Office In
| Washington the following unique and
poetical application for pension that
went thu, rounds of the newspapers
years ago: q & s. 81
| to Commissioner Of Pensions Washington.
| these many years I've tried in vain l
an honest pention to obtain
| For wound received in Sixty ono
at first Battle Of Bull Run Il 5Es 5ssi
one of oilioes sons SO brave
rho went to the front the union to save
and whilst Engaged In above said fight
a rebel Shell took half my sight
Not content by taking an Eye &
1 this treacherous shell In Passing by
| took MY Eye Brow Clear OF the bone
and Left me as unconscious as a stone
burning blister Of Crystal Clear Il
from the jaw bone to the Ear
but thanks to god my life was spared
Cheek and Eye brow but Slitely Scared
and one Eye was left to me ss5 $Ix@&
for to wright and read Poetre
1 hope that with that Eye to see the day
when unkel Sam his Cripples will Pay.
Much more recent is the letter sent
to the commission of pensions by an
] applicant who had contracted blood
poisoning in the following remarkable
manner:
got blood poison by beinge hit with q
hens eg wen cam back from the frunt.
The eg was not good wen you send my
pension l want the Deed made SOS my
wife can't get none Of 1t. She throde the
eg. She war a rebbel. 4, 3$
II Equally appealing and remarkable
] was another letter sent to the pension
Office in which the applicant set forth
his claims to pension In this wise:
i The way got my War ingery was q
ketchin Of a hog. The Hog war wanted
4 by our captain for forege. We was chasin
4 the hog and she crawled threw hole
4 an thot were about the size of the hog
and tried to crawl threw, but stuck an
4 in tryin to wiggle out I throde the rales
! OF an one 1t hit me on my he'd and nocked
4 me senseless. do not think the hog had
nothin to do with my line Of duty. for
1 did not ketch the hog WITCH she never
i was caut, SO pleze send along my pension.
One aged pensioner had evidently
made serious blunder by taking
unto himself a wife In his old age, for
love Of gain seems to have been the
motive Of the woman who married him
IL the following letter stated the facts
h In the case: :553
Dear: Mister Government, Pleze to fix UP
4 my penshun papers SO as my wife cant
draw my twelve dolers q munt when
4 am ded she say she marryed me for Low
i an to be ole mans Darling but now i
no 1t was for to git my penshun on her
Il self by being my WidOwer SO pleze let
my penshun end with me but pleze doant
10 a.
u or would have a hot time Of 1t and times
a Is hotter now than can stand. So when
i Il send word that 4 am no moar then send
i her this IL you want to but not until the
penshun is shut off which It is her just
desserts for marryin for money an In .
4 Mersheenary spirrut.
q One day there came to the pension
i Office very old and subdued looking
man who could scarcely totter along
with the help Of two canes. BY his side
] was a very robust and perfectly sell
reliant young woman of perhaps thirty
4 years OF age. When some one went
q forward to ask what was wanted the
n young woman said:
b ''Well, I'll just tell you. This is my
Il husband, and we amt getting enough
4 pensio that's what we Amt. We're
j getting only $40 month, and we know
\, man that wasn't in the war half as
]. long as my husband was and didn't gel
4 a shot in him and he gifts his $12 d
i month, and we want our pension raised
to that figger or more =
Il One applicant was willing to give The
most palpable proof Of the genuineness
4 OF his injuries, for he wrote as follows
i, II you don't think. was shott in thu
!, war am willing to come on there and
you or any one else can lay their finger
81 on the bullet Embedded IN my back wkicf
panes me when I stoop or lay on It and
which 1t has brought on pertinent dis.
ability 30 can't work like used tt
could guess II you would speak ia Pres.
ident Maykiniey and tell him about Thu
bullet he would say to send on the pen.
ton and any medflkeI doctor would sa,
the same. a doctor here win go his az.
4 3fydavitt that he has iayed his fingers or
II the bullet wich + am proud OF as scars o,
a War where at and b1ed for my country
wich It is America and Union forever.
New York Tribune