davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
TFrom the Chicapo N

lFrom the Chicago News.1
Make the most of the present-if Won
are unable to exchange it,
When he has nothing to growl about
the pessimist has bad day
Fat incomes OF some authors are due
to the judicious use of writing pads
It's easier for a married man to sion
runaway horse than his wife's tongue
Two-thirds of your sympathy isn,t
appreciated and the other third ia
wasted.
If you have more money than Won nea5
you will also have more friends than
you need.
Many married man acquires q win
OF his own by hiring a lawyer to write
1t for him.
Poetry of love is transformed into
prose when matrimony reaches the
paregoric stage.
One can never gauge the denth os .
mans knowledge by the intensity of hts
silence. - MS
And there isn't anything that tro,b,as
some people more than looking for tro,9
bic and not finding it.
In after years a woman ip,a.,,,.-
there is something wrong with her hue
band If he doesn't find fault with re
meals. N'A' "is
The tenderest thing in the xorId &C.
woman's hand when 1t caresses T5,+
wnen 1t gets grip on a mans hairN
Well. that's another story.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09
CROP REPORTS

What constitutes a condition of 100
in crop reports2
This is a question which has doubt
less occurred to everyone who has read
a crop report and attempted to get
some idea of It's meaning.
1t is impossible, of course, to lay
down any set rule to which all men
will agree concerning crop conditions.
Two farmers. near neighbors. VIII not
agree, nor does a condition of 100 con-
vey the same impression to all readers.
Secretary Coburn's instructions to
the correspondents of the state board
of agriculture are to report conditions
counting 100 as a good average stand
and satisfactory conditions, but he
never attempts to attach any estimates
as to yields to these instructions. No
two men will agree on what is salts
factory. One man may have had a
yield of 25 or 80 bushels per acre some
time in the past, and he remembers
the condition of his crop that year as
satisfactory and bases his reports on
that ever after. Another man may be
amply satisfied with conditions that
will yield him from IS to 30 bushels
per acre, and even though he can
imagine a better prospect than this
he calls it 100. Thus it sometimes hap
pens that a county may show con-
dition OF 104. which means extraordin-
arily good prospects. Considering this
wide divergence OF what is satisfac-
tory, Mr.. Coburn secures the opinion
from a number of representative men
In each county-perhaps two in each
township-and averages their figures.
The average man desires to be con-
sentative and he is careful about re-
porting a condition of 100. This is
shown IN the wheat report made pub
lie this week by T. B. Gerow, director
OF the state employment bureau,
which Is the result Of Inquiries sent out
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09
HUM0R OF THE DAY

Wise--Ee's very wealthy.
Mrs. Wise-Yes, and very stingly and
Wise-Come now, you're not sure of
that. You mustn't judge man by his
Mrs. wise-I don't I'm judging him by
his wife's clothes.-Philadelphia Press.
Nodd-Tve just rented cottage at the
seashore and must send my furniture
Todd-why didn't you rent one furnish
Nodd-I did, but that doesn't make any
difference.-Town and Country.
Bacon--Did you ever have any desire to
go on the stage?
Oh the actor was vile, But contented
myself with shying egg at him.-Yon-
.'5ome men," said Uncle Eben. seems to
bles dat dey gives you de idea dat deyd
be disappointed If dey was lucky. wash
ington Star.
IF give you some money" said Mrs.
Goodart, viii you promise not to spend 1t
Sure. maarn,'' replied Thirsty Tanques.
IL We gimme enough ter make de delay
an de extra walk wort while. "-Phiiadei-
phia Press.
Can you give bond7' asked the Judge.
Have you got anything?"
Judge replied the prisoner. 'sence
acres O. no-'count land, a big family, a
hope of hereafter an the OF war-rheu-
matism!'-Atianta Constitution.
Jigley-We were talking about suburban
cottages. and Subbubs remarked that the
way in Boghurst was Queen Anne.
Citiman-The idea! Is that the way he
pronounces 1t now?
Jigley-Pronounces what?
Citiman-Quinine.-Philadelphia Press.
Hubby-why didn't you come to the door
and let me IN?
Wiffe-I couldn't. George. Our neighbor
was talking to somebody and / was at the
'phone.-Cleveland Plain Dealer
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Mars, it is announced, will be nearer
the earth this summer than it has
been for Is years, but still it won't be
safe for you to try to get on board as
it goes by.
n v
AS we understand it, the Anheuser-
Busch company wants to take it's doll
rags and go home-if the supreme
court will only let it.
= y
Richard Mansfield will start for
Europe Saturday. The actresses that
Mr. Mansfield has been beating in
America will now have a chance to
rest awhile.
.
A prize fighter says he can't lose
his next fight unless he breaks a leg.
From which it may be inferred that
he will run the other fellow a foot
race,
We note that the race between Col
onel Ed Jones and Major Tom An
derson in the champion high forehead
contest continues to be almost neck
In fact the forehead of
each reaches over almost to the back
of his neck.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09
LAYKA WKER JOT.S

Coneyville proposes to turn on the
light. 1t will soon have fifty new ones.
Three girl clerks in one store at
PARSONS nave quit to get married.
Naturally there is a rush for their
jobs
Kiowa shows up with a population
OF s5S this year, a gain of 165 in two
years. Next year Kiowa ought to get
into the 1000 class.
The opening of the lola electric park
zoo" was postponed because the bear
OF which the zoo was composed got
out of his cage and died by request.
A lightning rod is being put on the
smokestack of the boiler house at the
Soldiers home at Leavenworth, and
the workmen use a, balloon on the
job.
A Lawrence "peeper'' who was shot
at by the town marshal, ran away in
such a hurry that he dropped his hat
and thus far he has not returned
for it.
Atchison to Topeka, the Missouri Pa
cific hauls it.fS4 miles, the Rock
Island 112 miles and the Santa Fe 81
miles. All charge the same-75 cents
a ton.
This town" says the Minneapolis
Better Way, "has the most modest
woman. She speaks blushingly of
table limbs and wonders why anyone
should be so indicate as to speak of
a leg of mutton. ~ '+i7 50 2
Greensburg is Insisting on trainmen
obeying the ordinance relative to OBJ
structing street crossings. freight
conductor who INSTRUCTED Main street
over the protest of the authorities was
compelled to go before the police
judge and deposit a fine of SO and
costs, and a brakeman who insinuated
that the judge would soon be wearing
a new suit of clothes was glad to get
off by explaining that he did not mean
anything by his thoughtless remark.
"Reminiscences by E. W.. Howe: !
Nearly a hundred years ago, when the !
editor of the Globe was a young fell
low living at Falls City, he played in a
brass band, The teacher of the band
was Prof. Willy. The editor visited
Reserve, Kan. last Saturday night, |
and there met Prof. Willy who was a |
farmer when he taught the Fails City |
band, and who is still living on the |
same farm. He has three sons who |
are farmers, and who play in the Re
serve band. In the old days, Prof. |
Willy played what is known as a |
shoulder piece" cornet. which are
very rare these days; we have not seen
one in thirty years.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09
PUBLICITY PAYS.

A man there was in our town
Who kept himself in view;
No matter what he did, fOrSOOth,
The public always knew.
His name was in the papers once,
Or maybe twice, day;
In all assemblies he was one
Who had the most to say.
He hurried here and hurried there,
As busy as could be;
At banquets and in long parades
He showed his dignity.
Twas thus he lived for many years,
And when he came to die
The city all in mourning stood,
A tear in every eye.
A marble shaft proclaimed his worth
And people called him great
A man who started low in life,
But rose to high estate.
And yet he simply played a game
A simple game twas, too
No matter what he did, forsooth,
The public always knew.
Birmingham Age-Herald,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
[From the New York Press

[From the New York Press.1
Nobody is smart enough to be able
to prove it to his own boys when he
is in college.
A woman hates to tell her husband
how much her dress costs. and her
friends how little.
There would be some fun in being a
farmer If 1T weren't for the almanacs
he has to read.
A man thinks he's martyr when he
lends his wife ten dollars he owes her
on her allowance.
A girl calls falling in love with mar
ried man almost as romantic as being
engaged to two other men at the same
time.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09

The last number of the Industrial
list. the bulletin issued regularly by the
Kansas State Agricultural college,
contains q strong article by Prof. will
liam A. McKeever. which states that
there are In the public schools of Kan
sas about 5000 young boys who are
habituaI cigarette smokers. Out of
R,s36 OF these boys only six were re-
ported bright Students About ten
we're average" and all the remainder
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09

The eastern press is saying that a
cow choked to death recently on an
ear OF Kansas corn. 1t probably means
a grain OF Kansas corn. Kernels of Kan
ses corn should always be chopped into
small pieces with an ak, before being
fed to a cow. ss-e=r 81
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09

A man down in Alabama who stole
q hundred thousand dollars was ae-
quilted on the ground that he was
financially insane" If he had stolen
only ten dollars he would have been a
main thief
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09

Anna Held is out in an article de-
claring against Prof. Hopkins state
ment that the kiss was originally a
sniff. She says 1t never was, and
Anna ought to know If experience
counts for anything.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09

."Councilrnan Creekes told me-" said the
first lobbyist. that nothing couldn't con-
vince him that our ordinance ought to be
passed"
well, Wellr' exclaimed the other IT
never knew he was so ungrammatical"
He wasn't: he merely wished to inform
me that 'somethin' could. "-Philade1phia
Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09

This anti-third term. sentiment tina
is directed towards Roosevelt IS GER
tainIy persistent
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09

Congressman Scott says the Panama
canal will be completed before most
people expect it. Well, they can't sur
prise us that way too soon.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09

A Job on the state text book commits
sion is certainly no sinecure. Think of
having sixty book agents. camping on
YOUR trail at the same time!
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09
. A COSTLY GAME.

"A wyoming 1l9an has invented a
game I1r1 which he calls The Road to the
being vigorously played by Rrva1
Foraker. Taft, Hearst and others. but
the chips come too high for it ever to
become really popular.-Atchison Globe
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09

Uncle Joe Cannon would inspire just
as much respect If he didn't wear his
cigar at the same angle as a prize
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09

Incidentally spring millinery has
been having a hard time to blossom
out This spring.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09

A camera has been designed to take
pictures of the canals on Mars. but
will this hasten the completion Of our
own ditch?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09

The Anheuser-Busch company ought
to have thought of the desirability OF
getting out of the state with its prop
erty a few weeks sooner.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09

After sampling some of those of last
week. the Wichita Beacon hands down
the opinion that it is all right for days
IN May to be rare-but they should not
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09

Speaking of the persistent fight Har-
per's Weekly Is making on President
Roosevelt. Colonel NJ. NJ. Murdoch re-
calls that the same publication once
caricatured. Lincoln as monkey
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09

1t is amazing how little some poll
ticians know about state politics when
they think it is too early to commit
themselves,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09

Only ten days ago things were look
ing somewhat dubious for the wheat
crop. Look at it now. With the COM
ing of the rain clouds, the clouds rolled
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09

This row between Mexico and Guate-
mala indicates that there may be one
less Central American republic one of
these days.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09

Topeka has an ordinance against
keeping bees in the city. but that
doesn't seem to keep political bees
from buzzing around some people.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09

A cob shortage is reported from some
parts of Kansas in spite of the fact
that last years cobs were fully as long
as usual.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09

Ten thousand longshoremen are
striking in New York. but a little thing
like that isn't noticed there.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09

We rejoice to note that the weathe'
bureau has busted on its flair and
warmer" sign.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09

Been some time now since the
query, ''What is Democrat?" has
been varied with the question, why
is a Democrat %
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09
ROH OTTER pENS
HARD TO CONTROL.

Once more the discovery is an
nounced that adverse legislation has
very little effect on the slaughter of
birds to furnish adornment for wom-
ems hats. Most intelligent observers
had reached this conclusion long ago.
Even Napoleon. when he was at the
hefght of his power, found it impossi-
Bile to nullify the dictates of feminine
fashion.-Ph Bulletin
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09

It would really be no surprise If
Congressman Calderhead were for
Foraker or Fairbanks
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09

The Kansas wheat crop appears to
have lined up on the bear side Of the
market after all.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09

People who don't know him any bet
ter speak of him as Hon. Victor Muir
dock"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09
A CORRECTIONS

IT am convinced that President
Roosevelt is sincere in his declaration
that he does not want to be a candi-
date again. -."-COnpreSSn a =,
Littlefield. What the president said
was not IT do not want it." but ST will
not take it.'-New York Sun
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09
SOuTH DAKOTA

South Dakota's moral code, like that
of Texas, is streaked. She has made
it a criminal offense for women to play
cards for prizes, even in private houses,
but still stands ready to grant the
divorces while they wait.-Boston
Transcript.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09
NOT YET.

No newspaper correspondent has yet
been killed for desecrating the sacred
moonlight of the White House social
nferences.-Baltimor Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09
THE UNWRITTEN LAW.

The "unwritten law must either be
abolished or converted into written
law. Existing conditions are intoler-
able.-New York Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09
COOP OLD DAYS.

Oh, woman, woman, woman
In the distant birth OF time
You were Adams he1Dmeet truly
For you didn't cost dime;
Your blouses grew on bushes,
Your skirts on bushes grew
And you fastened them about you.
You were sweet and peek-a-boo.
You never wore a bonnet,
You never craved a toque,
And bargain advertisement
You'd have treated as Jokes
Why did you quit old Eden?
We long for days of yOre,
For ladies' buds don't these days grow
On bushes any more.
Houston Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09
NAB HIM ANYWAY

William Allen White, declines to be
governor of Kansas or even a candi-
date for that office. What he saws
doesn't cut any figure If Kansas
makes up her mind to have him 'shiesIi
just reach outaand- nab hirn.-Mianai
Republican. stE -rlt
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS.

The State Journal is a member of the
Associated Press and receives the full DAY
telcgra pt report OF that great news or
ganixation for the exclusive afterESon
publication in Topeka.
The news is received in The State Jour-
nsl building over wires for this sole pEr-
pose
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09
A FOPULIST VIEW

II 1t were not for the Square Deal
ers. organization in the Republican
would be looking for some other marty
TO aH1liate with The Republican lead
ers of the state understand this. If
there is any fight between the BOSS
Busters" and the Square Dealers" it is
n1ed hight and the leaders on both
sides have a hard time keepine their
faces straight while they proceed to fool
their voters again.-Colby Free Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09
MAYOR sCHMITZ'S HAIR

One thing that makes It difficult to
know whether Mayor Schmitz is
scared or not is the fact that his hair
always stood up, anyway.-Los An
geles Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09
MR.. -BEcK's CHANCE.

The observation-disclosures has been
watching for some time for something
that J. r.. Burton said or did that it
could commend. The opportunity has
come at last.
A short time ago a congressman
sent Mrs. Burton a package of gov
eminent garden seeds and the follow
ing is what the ex-senator wrote in
acknowledgement: MY Dear Con-
gresham: Mrs. Burton wishes me to
thank you for your kindness and 1 do
IT, Now few words on my own ac-
count: I was a senator when you
were merely a common citizen and
now that am a common citizen and
you are congressman do you think
as man to man it is right for you to
DO this? Did l ever send your wife
garden seeds so that she would drive
you into the garden and keep you
there to sweat and cuss and cuss and
sweat when you wanted to go down
town and have cigar? No, I didn't
ana want to say that this was low
down trick of yours and if it is re-
peated l shall settle with you per-
sonally. '--Holton Recorder.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09

PEACE NUT FUR THEM.
Neither Foraker nor Taft was a
delegate to the = peace conference
Dayton News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09
KANSAS COMAENT
Ia TOILETTE


Inasmuch as the Better Way is not
is not worried over John Temple
Graves speech wherein he stated that
Mr.. Bryan should nominate Mr..
Roosevelt for president on the Demo-
cratic ticket next year. One thing,
however, strikes us as being sane and
that is Mr.. Bryan's declaration that
Senator LaFoHette ought to be the
Republican nominee. Everybody
wants the very best possible man to
occupy the presidential chair and the
Wisconsin senator has proven himself
one among the most forceful and adj
vanced statesmen in the United States
indeed it would be hard to find
many even among President Roose-
Yelts most ardent partisans here in
Kansas who will not acknowledge the
little giant who overturned presidents
and made his presence felt in the
united States senate as the peer of the
doughty president. OF course Senator
Long and his associates must be left
out of such a category, but the rank
ana file in Kansas regard Senator La
toilette as the biggest little man in
the senate, and, regardless of party
would rather. see him president than
any other Republican in public life.
But this paper, as remarked at the
outset, is not worrying over candi-
dates. Men count only as they repre-
sent principles and when the battle is
fought and won it is to be hoped that
the man who goes to the White House
Will be an American rather than sec
tionalist and patriot before a partf-
an.-Minneapolis Better Way.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09
EVERYTHING LOVELY.
A-~- r.

The worlds all right; only the chaps
who want the world are grumbling.-
Atlanta Constitution.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09

very little effect on the sIaughtar 81
/ birds to furnish adornment for WON.
ems hats. Most intelligent observers
mad reached this conclusion long ago
Even Napoleon. when he was at the
| he1ght of his power, found it impossi-
| bic to nullify the dictates of feminine
| fashion.-Philadel Bulletin.
A CORRECTION.
Il am convinced that President
Roosevelt is sincere in his declara ton
that he does not want to be a candi-
date again. but. Congressman
was not II do not want it," but st will
not take it."-New York Sun.
THE UNWRITTEN LAW.
law. Existing conditions are intoler-
able.-New York Herald.
NOT YET.
No newspaper. correspondent has yet
been killed for desecraiing the sacred
moonlight of the White House social
Observation-Disclosures Sun.
SOUTH DAKOTA
South Dakota's moral code, like that
of Texas, is streaked. She has made
it a criminal offense for women to play
cards for prizes, even in private houses
but still stands ready to grant tn EN-
divorces while they wait.-Boston
Transcript.
MAYOR SCHMITZ'S HAIR.
One thing that makes 1t difficult to
know whether Mayor Schmftz is
scared or not is the fact that his hair
always stood up, anyway.-Los An
geles Times.
PEACE PRESERVERS!
The peace convention goes along
smoothly, disturbed only at short in
tervals by the chug of a new battle
ship hitting the water.-New York
Commercial.
WATERING THE STOCK.
Public opinion seems sadly divided
as to the usefulness of the man who
where one grew before.-Detroit
SURE OF THAT
Chief Engineer Stevens denies
everything except that he Quit.-Pitts-
burg Dispatch.
STUNG?
Governor Hughes is being offered all
sorts of inducements to try few
presidential bees in his bonnet-Balti-
more Sun.
EVERYTHING LOVELY.
The worlds all right; only the chaps
who want the world are grumbling-l
Atlanta Constitution.
PEACE NOT FOR THEM.
Neither Foraker nor Taft was a
delegate to the :. peace conference
Dayton News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09

Bacon-Did you ever have any desire to
go on the stage?
Egbert-Oh, yes; only last week I did.
Oh the actor was vilei But contented
kers Statesman.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09

Governor Hughes is being offered al
sorts of inducements to try a few
presidential bees in his bonnet.-Balti-
more Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-09

When Chappie got up the other
morning he wandered around his
apartments in his pretty pink pa
jamas, the very picture of woe.
whats the matter, sir?" inquired
his valet.
1T don't know, Alphonse,'' he
groaned; 81 passed most unhappy
night
Alphonse looked him over care
fully.
"Oh. sir" he exclaimed, "I know
what was the matter. The trouserines
of your pajamas were not creased.
You must be more careful, sir. Those
had prepared for you were hanging
across the foot of the bed. The
Bohemtes>-