West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1907-02-14

WV NFNNhNfNN tfsNNN fNAANN VfN1 10
various street, diversified by houses
Inc conservatory plants. The peas
antry OF the city passed TO and fro on
the fine pasturage between the side
walks. Twas, for the world, like an
opera chorus when the Royal Kafooz-
lum is about to enter.
I'VE were rubbing the dust off the
machine n getting liked to start
business the next day when n big, fine
looking white man In white clothes
stopped at the door and looked In. We
extended the invitations, and he walk
ed inside and sized US up. He was
chewing n long cigar and w~rinkling
his eyes, meditatlve, like n girl trying
to decide which dress to wear to the
party.
New York; he says to me finally.
Originally. and from time to time
l says. Hasn't 1t rubbed of YETI
Its simple says he, when you
know how. It's the at OF the vest.
They don't cut vests right anywhere
else. Coats. maybe, but not vests
"The white man looks at Henry
Horsecollar and hesltates.
"'lnjun,' says Henry; tame Injun.'
'Mellinger,' says the man-Homer
L. Melllnger. Boys, you're confiscated.
You're babes In the wood without a
chaperon or referee. and It's my duty
TO start you going. I'll knock out the
props and launch you proper In the
pellucid waters Of Sore toe-kangaroo.
You'll have to be chrlstened, and II
you'll come with me I'll break a bot
tic nf tp1nn ogragu ~nr,r An-.- ,o,o-I
ing to Hoyle.'
We'll, for two days Homer p. Mel
linger did the honors. That man cut
Ice In Sore-toe-kangaroo. He was 1t.
He was the Royal Kafoozlum. If me
and Henry was babes In the wood, he
was n Robin Redbreast from the top
most bough. Him and me and Henry
Horsecollar locked arms and toted that
phonograph around and had wassail
and diversion. There was vino tlnto
and VII blanco to drink with every
tune. The aborigines had requirements
OF a pleasant thing In the way of
drinks that gums Itself to the recollec-
tion. They chop of the end OF u green
cocoanut and pour In o. the liquor Of
1t French brandy and gin. We had
them and other things.
Mine and uenry's money was coun.
terfelt. Everything was on Homer p.
Mellinger. That man could find rolls
or bills In his clothes where Hermann
the Wizard couldn't have conjured out
IN omelet. He could have founded uni.
versities and had enough left to buy
the colored vote Of his country. Henry
n me wondered what his graft was.
one evening he told us.
Boys says he, I've deceived you.
Instead Of a painted butterfly, I'm the
hardest worked man in this country.
Ten years ago l landed on its shores
and two years ago on the point Of its
jaw. Yes; I reckon l Gun get the de
cision over this ginger cake common
wealth at the end OF my round ]
choose. IN conhde In you because you
are my countrymen and guests, aver
II you have committed an assault upon
my adopted shores with the worst sys
TEN Of noises ever set to music.
my Job Is private secretary to the
president OF this republic, and my du
ties are running It. I'm not headlined
In the bills, but I'm the mustard in the
salad dressing. There isn't a law goes
before congress, there isn't a conces-
sion granted, there isn't an import
duty levied, but what II. r. Mellinger.
he cooks and seasons II. In the front
Office iii the presidents inkstand and
search visiting statesmen for dyna-
mite; In the back room dictate the
policy OF the government. You'd never
guess how 1 got the pull. It's the only
graft OF It's kind in the world. I'll put
you wise. You remember the topllner
In the old copy books. Honesty IS the
best policy" That's Il. I'm the only
honest man In this republic. The gov
eminent knows "a; the people know II;
the bOodlers know t.; the foreign In
vestors know 81. I make the govern
ment keep It's faith. II n man Is prom
ised a job DO gets &C.; II outside capital
buys "a concession they get the goods.
/ run q monopoly OF square dealing
here. There's no competition. II Colo
mel DioReues were 10 fash his lantern
in this precinct he'd have my address
Inside Of two minutes. There isn't big
money ln u, but It's a sure thing and
lets "a man sleep or nights
Thus Homer j.. Meiilnger made ora
ton % me and Henry HOrs ecOllar I'm
Sore-tOe- kangaroo. And later he d.
vested himself Of ibis remark.
Boys. IRA 20 hold a soiree this
evening with @ gang Of leading citp
zeus. and I want your assistance. You
bring the musical corn shelter and glvo
the affair tle outside appearance Of q
function There's important business
on hand. but 10 mustn't show. I can
talk to SOU people I've been pained
Tor years ON account Of not having
anybody tJ blow off and brag 20. I
get h.mee.ok aDfuetImes. and I'd swap
tle entire pafIuIs.tcs OF Office for just
one hour fJ alFa 20 stein and a caviaro
sandwich .puaHierc on Thlrty-fOurth
street aul stand and watch the street
cars go W. au1 smell the peanut roast
90 OF ola Gls.ppes fruit stand
Ir- said 4 there's fine caviare at
BIIy ItarfrYa cafe. corner on Thirty
fourth .uI
God EH,.. lt' Interrupts MeIun-
ger 'onl Do you'd told zoe you knew
Billy i,.ufrow Id have Invented tons
Of wags of making sou happy. Billy
was my side Kicker in New York. That
ls q mao who never knew what crook
od was. Here 7 am working honesty
Tor a graft but that man loses money
on IT, Corrambos. J got sick AZ times
Of this country Everythlng's rotten.
From the executive down 10 the coffee