The Monmouth inquirer., 1907-02-07
NAMES OF NEW WORKERS.
Having Fun With the Directory Of the
Bio City.

Big CITY,
You have ALI heard and most Of you
have told the story Of the man WHO
didn't care to read the dictionary be-
cause the subject changed 50 often.
This is. of course, a funnyaway Of say
ing that the dictionary is a dry book.
However, one might perhaps extract
amusement even from dictionary If
he knew how. Certainly he can get
entertainment from a city directory.
Take. FOR Instance, our own new city
directory That it has more names
( than its immediate predecessor and
that this indicates that New York has
grown Just as much in population in
| Just such time these things go with
Tout saying
!. But What reference is made in the
1 directory to that great matter of Love,
which has ruled the world for no one
knows how many years? 80 through
| the book. dear reader, and you will
| find that 1t contains forty seven Loves,
one Heart and one Lover. There are
twenty Spooners, two Huggers, Sixty
one DarlIngs. three Bears, FIVE Petts,
three Sparks, six Kisses. three Smacks
and ten Hugs.
A study of the directory shows, too,
that, despite its boosted democracy,
New York is endowed with five and a
half columns of Kings, twelve Queens,
one column of Princes, twenty-four
Dukes, thirty-elght Earls and eighty
| two Lords. There are sixteen Castles
for all this royalty to dwell in.
The spiritual welfare of the city
ought to be well looked after also, for
we find listed sixty three Popes, four
Cardinals, 1872 Abbots, nine Abbeys,
eleven Priests twenty Parishes, two
Chapels. thirty eight Elders, column
and three-quarters Of Parsons two col
umns of Deans, twelve Deacons, col
umn of Churches, forty-eight Sections,
twenty eight Christians and eight BIZ
bles.
1t speaks pretty well for New Yorlx's
sobriety and general good character
that Notwithstanding the vast number
of people whose names are in the di
rectory there are only two Lushers,
one Bum, fourteen Bunns. thirteen
Bats. four Lushes, fifteen Stills, one
Branigen, three Lodes and one Booz.
In the matter of smoking great tenn
pearance Is shown. too, for there are
listed but one Smoker. ono Pipe and
one Smoke
Father Knickerbocker's barber shop
ls well filed 1t has sixty-seven Bar.
bers and FIVE hayers-quite bunch
to look after only thirty Bearis and
one Hair-but it has one Pole out and
Is ready to do more business.
There are four and one-half columns
Of Bakers, fourteen Rolls. one Cake
bread and one Pies. and he is Har.
lem baker, by the way.
That New York is still young town
is shown by the fact that there are
seven columns of Youngs and only six
Odds. The comparison OF seven Fats
as against one Skinner doesn't consti-
tute a bad showing either.
Considering the greatness and good
ness of the big burg, it Is hard to see
why the directory should hand it TWEEN
ty-one Lemons. The fact that we have
also fifteen Apples, eighteen Citrons,
ave Oranges five Peaches, one Grape,
three Plums and one Pear doesn't
make entire amends, but New York
isn't going 10 cry about it, 1t is too
light hearted, for, as the directory
shows, it has eighteen Joys and seven
Happes to only one Tear.
The first name in the directory is
Jacques IA, and the last name is Louis
Zyss There are twelve names that
begin with X, nine columns Of Joneses,
thirty-fy columns of Smiths, two col
umns of John Smiths and nineteen col
umns Of Browns. New York World.