Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1907-02-28
Uncle Dicky On Corporations.

Grocery Thursday evening, be was greeted
by chorus OF skoh-koh-koh-bah bah
bahrp, from the sons Of BeIial congregated
there.
s'W'ot th' Sam Hill is ever tn matter, be
ye all gorn buggy" ''No, we ain't, but
guess somebody else is--did you see ''The
DEMOCRAT" Uncle Dioky?"
Handed the paper Uncle Dicky slowly
read the frantic .screed Of Filly Bull-Calf,
putting his stump-tailed pipe in silence
Then he broke out:
sI-yi, guess th' flies is botherin' thet
calf purity bad be tn way he's bawlin'-
UM-UM, sez I'm crazv, eh? Well, I've
heerd tn same yarn erbout him-mebbe we
both are am wen we git T. th' 'sylum I'll
jest hitch him up to a soap box an cut
down th' bug-house yard yellin' git outen
th way, felIers, here comes TIL greatest
team of STATESMEN that ever hoofed it down
th' pike"
Holding the hysterical article at arms
length he smoked up bit and continued:
"WeD, Pm right down glad thet Jimmy
Carpenter printed thet piece of thet 'eIe
Bull-Calf Teller coz eff he'll only gin him
rope ernuff he'll hang his-self sure"
''But speakin' erbout corporations I've
fleern good deal o. nonsense on both sides
o. th' question. Some folks 'ud like t.
make out thet corporations are made up o.
saints jist ready fer heaven vile Others
talk Is if all corporations is pack o. hoss-
thieves
Now iist s'posin' me an Sam an Chod
was T. orgenize a comp'ny an start in at
any thipg-say sweet 'taters fer inst'nce,
call ourselves th' Great American Sweet
Pertater Company" am into th' hizness
fer all she is worth-take big contracts
from farmers t. raise 'em, furnish special
fertilizers t' make make EN- grow good, send
out circ'lers teliin' how T. cultywate 'em.
ehen put up big sweet-tater houses erlong
th railroads an take in th'taters before th'
frost struck 'em, sort 'em bang up an dry
'em SOS they all sell in tn markeb fer
Wiueiard Sweets, hoi' 'eln swell III poor
stock gifts outen th' market an then sell
'em fer big price an make some good
money an 90 on an on fer years till all th'
farmers thet raise EN- fer our comp'ny git
well of-d 'ye spose every ybody 'ud fall in
an whoop up fer us? No Stree, Bob,
they'd be some lazy louts who cudn't git a
eontract from us t'howl-the later Com
pany is nothin' but grindin' corporation
thet won't do thing to'gin poor man a
show"
''But then, on th' other ham # we got
holt nv ali the taters in th' country an hil
'em fer sich big price thet poor people
cudn't hev 'em on th'table 'cept fer Christ
mus dinner then it 'ud he time fer some-
body t'up an boiler out agin us.
"Me an Sam an Chod wudn't be any
difrunt alter we got Incorporated then we
was afore ouy folks 'ud think we was coz
we he'd big name; Y see, its jest hum
an nataI' & hide back o. some big bush an
holler an the feller w'ot dom { see through
th' bash gifts skeered an lays down an
bellers fer help.n
s'Yas, there's good corporations an bad
corporations jest ez they IS nice bosses an
orn'ry hossgs an it's ouIs t. encourage th'
good ones an work 'em w'os they're with
an & put tn cad onto th' orn'ry BEAST"
81 kinder think shet wen the big corper-
ations quit fooin' with perfeshinul polly
tishuns, an reformers fer revenue only, an
come right up agin th' honest public opin-
ion of th' decent American people thet then
things III be better an we won't heern s.
much yow-yow from fellers who seem t.
think all y halter do is T. holler mad-dog
an stones Il gin 10 fly an guns + bang at
tn dog whether he be fine big Saint Ber-
nard er scrawny mongler kioodle thet ort
a been drowned sh' minis he was Uttered. !"
Then as if recalling the plug-ugly lum-
basting be got in the paper Uncle Dicky
came down to personalities again and
wound up his oration:
"Ef some Nv these here bIatherskite
echoes wud only take few lessons off ny Bill
Bryan an Tedey Rusefelt then we'd bear
less abuse au' belchin' off sour stomach
an more solid information an telln' argy-
ment."
Then releasing cud of tobacco into the
box of sand uuder the wood heater and ut
toning up his coat be made for che door, but
BeliaI's boys didn't bawl after him as he
nobbled homeward.
JoHN r. DowNER
Seed Potatoes
/ will have four car loads Of strictly first.