The San Francisco call., 1907-06-02

IN vaudeville.
Welcome to our city," I responded,
accepting the right hand of fellowship
and appropriating Manager John Nor
risey's exclusive chair in the Or
pheum Office.
eff we'd had one it'd be time to
have another" Mr.. Morton remarked.
Another what?" I inquired.
Another of the same, if the brand
is good" he replied, "and it'd be your
turn to pay. But let's go and get the
first one"
That was his way of extending In
vitstion to imbibe. But when my
turn arrived he reniged.
Minutes have come and gone since
you said it'd be time TO have another"
I urged.
"I forgot that my watch is always
an hour fast" he trihed, "and as this
Is my first time so far west I'm not
on to the suns time keeping"
"Pish, tush, man, you were at the
Orpheum two years ago." I reminded
him.
Then the Orpheum was in different
longitude" he argued. This is my
farthest west, / tell you Why, I'm
afraid Of falling into the ocean if T.
60 more than a block westward of
the theater Some of these mornings
I'm going to stroll around the corner
and ST on the Cliff house balcony and
watch the seals"
You'd better ride" l suggested.
Stiffness Is Not a Nervine
Not on your life, if the topography
is anything like the much travelled
routes east of here. Any one who
survives two trips in wheeled vehicle
over Golden Gate avenue is eligible
20 the presidency of the Rough Rid
ers. The way l was jolted over those
lava beds"
Lava beds?"
well, bad lands, then-the once
was pavement, you know"
The streetcars run smoothly
enough" / hinted.
yes, when they run But for some
mysterious reason | preferred bump
ing the bumps ip an auto. By the by
no, don't attempt TO buy anything
else till. I tell you-it strikes me as
funny that the carmen want to labor
eight hours a day. Forty minutes per
diem, IN two shifts, more than satisfies
me with toll"
That's because its easier on the
nerves to run a streetcar than to be
silly on the stage.
Some people don't seem to find IT
difficult to be silly anywhere.
Not mentioning names?
Not even initials But you're right
when you say that playing silly twenty
minutes twice a day Is nerve-wrecdng
Psychologists say that the more sense
a man possesses the harder he finds
it 10 be foolish
Prom which l infer that you were
not born silly?"
NO; nor did achieve Stiffness.
1t was thrust upon me"
Howl"
Driven to 1t by Buccaneers
by pirates in my profession. Time
was when | gave as sane a monologue
as you ever heard outside church.
All the stuff | sprang was of my own
creation, but no sooner would /
launch a new idea than jolly buc-
cancers in musical comedy and cheap
workers in one were spilling it all
over the country / told a good one
at a matinee in Hammerstein's and
that same evening heard fellow tell
it at Pastors. Its me to get out of
this business, / said to myself, If |
can't get I'D some stuff that nobody
else can use That was how | came
70 adopt the crazy style of work I'm
now doing. It went big from the start,
and the fellows who tried to initiate
me fell fat They stole my goods, but
they couldn't deliver them"
where do you find origin for your
idiotic songs and sayings?"
"Anywhere-everywhere. l take a
story from a magazine-one of the
household favorites, you know-and
give ii as absurd an ending as pos
sible. same as that tale of the dog,
the baby and the villain that I'm
telling this week. If dramatic
sketch precedes me on the program
/ earnestly explain to the audience
that il was all make believe and go
into detailed enlightenment. That is
invariably hit, because the audience
know just as well as / do that the
play was only a play and were aware
of the illusions which / go to such
pains to expose. They regard me as
being foolish to imagine that they
were so foolish as not to see what
I saw, and their vanity as well as
their risibles is tickled by my silly
explanations. The other evening
was giving away Miss Bergere's
playlet when a woman in the front
row said 10 her laughing escort, Does
the derned fool think we don't know
all that as well as he does9"
THE ladies are your strongest ad-
nirers," encouraged
When He Tickles the Ladies
"But not at first sight" he averred.
''When my act opens the women who
are seeing it for the first time wear
a puzzled expression, and sometimes
II is half over before some of them
even smile. Amt that the silliest
ever? I heard a girl in stage box
remark in tone of disgust, after
had been talking at the house FIVE
L