davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11

n ais "Eclipse and O'Kelly" TheO
doro Andr-o Cook tells story of the
Eu .lish statesmln and sport Fox He
hea wasergd something acout q waist
cCct which coulC only be obtained IA
Paris; wen. of to Do y by night
caught the mail packet p0sted T. Par
is and back % Calais. aud remembered
ne had q horse r&cinE at Newmarket
TIe chartered q fishing boat bound fol
the eastern counties, just got 20 New
market r. time for the race took the
post back 10 London ana stopped Oh
the way 10 dine. In the middle OF the
port and dice after dinner he was
caught by 4 special messenger who had
been tearing over half Of England IN
search Of him and reminded that be
had 10 move to bring Ia 4 marriage bi.l
in the house Of commons. He rushed
to the stables, reached the house IN
time 70 make q brilliant speech IN re
ply to Nortb and Burke and defeated
North Oh division by Il single vote.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11
Anothar Reason.

An English clergyman visiting In
this country told of jllting that had
happened In his parish. He said that
he had an appointment to marry 4
couple at on certain afternoon. He
appeared duly, and the bride appeared
but not the bridegroom. The clergy
man and the lady, silent and embar
rassed, waited In the quiet church
from 4 TIL g. Then they sadly depart
ed. 4 week later the same couple
wrote 10 the clergyman again, ap
pointing another afternoon at 4 fol
the ceremony. And again the clergy
man and the bride were on hand duly
and again the groom failed to turn up
AS the two waited time passed slowly
In the still and empty church. II
grew darker Five o'clock sounded
then 6. And then the bride broke the
silence with q fierce ejaculation.
"Drat himr' she cried. "'Tain't bis
trousers this time, cause / bought
him pair"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11

Lord Iverdate had just finished his
after dinner speech and the guests had
applauded when the butler rushed for
ward and announced to his lordship
that there was a burglar In the house.
"a burglar! Confound bis impu-
dence! Where Is her ,t
I'VE don't exactly know. your lord
ship. One OF the maids. bearing Q
noise In the library, looked In ana
saw man at the safe. II your lord
ship will allow me. I'll put Jarvis 10
my pace here and take charge OF the
search" a.;a. ti.. !,
VERY good. Haskins. Go 10y al
meons Wait a moment--here IL the
key Ct my desk. Take the revolver
YOU will find In the right hand top
drawer: you may need 1t. As soon as
I can get away without alarming the
ladies I'll Join you."-Munsey's.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11

Doctors, when they send away q
busy man FOR several weeks Of rest
90 not consider that to one accustomed
to work an enforced rest Is both irri.
tating and depressing.
Ncander. the famous church histo-
rlan, had promised his physician on be
Ing ordered 10 Carlsbad 10 drink lis
famous waters that he would take nc
looks with him except one work. which
the doctor with reluctance allowed
ON the morning of the historians de
parture the doctor, wishing TO say
goOdby to his patient, called at bis
door and saw q cart laden with heavy
fOlioS.
But, dear professor" said the ply
sician, with the emphasis OF displeas-
urc. you promised me TO take no
books with yOu."
Yes, doctor" replied the childliko
professor, but you allowed ne one
work. SO thought I might take the "a
theirs with me 10 Carlsbad"
The "one work" included three or
four score volumes.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11
Realization.

A man who was guest at one OF
the summer resorts In West Virginia
tells Of q wedding ceremony be Wit
messed In the town near by.
The minister was young and easily
embarrassed. II was the FIRST wedding
he had ever undertaken. The prospec
tive bride ana groom were both youn
ger and still more easily embarrassed
than be.
When the minister had finished the
service and muttered few kindly but
hating words to the young couple he
had Just united the bride looked at
him. blushing, but confident.
Thank yer" she said clearly. TITS
shore kind O. yer 10 congratulate US
an as long as you haven't ever been
married yit maybe we'll have chance
some day to retaliate.N Harper
Weekly.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11
Modest Contributors.

A man was coming up from CT
chen province with a sum Of mo -ey
which had been subscribed for the pay
ment Of the public debt He was met
by robbers. who took the money ana
started away. He called after them
that the money was subscription TO
the fund for the raising Of the debt,
whercupon they came back and handed
him the money and begged his pardon
for their mistake, and they gave him
10 yen extra as contribution on their
own part He asked their names 10
publish in the papers, but they said
they did not want to obtain notorlety
In that way and declined, but said they
were glad to pay something toward
helping the country.-Korean News.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11

Wit and humor are such elemental
fun6Muu,,sI things that II has al
was beeu found diIcult 10 analyZ'
then Upon some points. however
those who have essayed this puzzling
task agree. for they nll hold that wi
is az Intellectual. humor nm emotional
guality; that Wit is "a perception Of ro
semblal-e and humor perception OF
contrast. of discrepancy. of inCongru
ity. The lncongruity is that which
arises between the ideal and the fact
between theory and practice, hetweer
promise and performance. and perhaps
II might be ADDED that II Is always O.
almost always a moral incOGgrdity. II
the case both Of wit and huuor there
Is also a pleaSurable surprise, n gentle
shock which accompanies our percep
ton Of the hitherto unsJspccted n
semblance or incongruity. \ New
England farmer vas once describing
IN the presence OF very humane per
son the great age and debility Of &
horse that be formerly owned and
used. "You ought u have killed him,
Interrupted the humane person indig
nantly. "Wan." drawled the farmer
Eve did-almost. st."-Atlan..C
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11
Willia Ia BARKING.

Edward Bulwer Lytton Dickens. the
youngest son Of the novelist emigrat
ed 10 Australia and died in Sydney al
the age Of nfty-one. lie represented
constituency IN the parliament OF New
South Wales for six years. Once Vher
he was addressing the house In sgd
ney he was again and again snappish
" interrupted by a member named
Willis. At last Mr.. Dickens stopped
10 remark: Mr.. Speaker. my father
coined a famous phrase, 'Barkis Ii
willin'.' Under present circumstances
I am strongly tempted to reverse j
and soy. willis is barking The
house laughed and the interruptions
ceased.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11
The Sheik and His House.

When the French came into contac.
with the Bedouin In Algeria, It was
thought that a ready way of civilizine
him would be TO assist him 10 build
himself O permanent habitation. 4
sheik who was thus favored was full
of gratitude to the French engineers
who had built him house.
"Since my house was finished" he
said, Il have not lost a single sheep
1 lock them up in my house every
night, and next morning l find them
all in safety"
"Then where do you sleep yourself?
asked an officer In amazement.
"Oh, for myself. sheik can live
only In his tent" said the other, with
dignity.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11
anal Absurdities.

Some absurd clauses have found
their way into certain acts OF the Brit
ish parliament. One statute enacted
punishment OF fourteen years trans
portatioa for Il certain Offense, and
upon conviction one half thereof should
20 to the King and the other half 70
the informer." Then there Is IN act
of parliament for the rebuilding OF
Chelmsford prison which stipulated In
one clause that the prisoners should
be confined in the old prison until the
new one was built and In another-an
amending-cIau that the new prison
should be constructed out OF the ma
terial OF the old one.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11
Why Shells Fly Straight.

Many people wonder why the cone
shaped projectiles IN their fight
through the afr do not wabble, but
drive straight ahead. This is easily
explained. Round the bottom OF the
she'll is a narrow band Of copper which
varies IN width according TO the size or
the proiectiIe. Being made OF soft
metal. this band IS cut by the steel
riding of the gun on the shock OF ex-
plosion. This action causes the saeli
TO revolve with lightning rapidity, with
the result that II keeps steady during
its fight through the air. - London
Mail. - r . I
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11
The Truth.

Gobsa Golde descended painfully from
his ninety horsepower automobile.
'T wish TO purchase" be said, an
engagement ring
Yes, sir" said the eager clerk. 1--WE
have just imported superb ring, sir
two ruby hearts surrounded
NO" said the aged millionaire In
cold, disillusioned voice; mo, that
won't DO. There is only one heart
concerned IN this affair. The girl Is
marrying me for my money."-New
Orleans Times-Democrat.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11
too.. es.v but Try II.

Did you ever notice jeweier wear
ing his magnifying glass in oae eye! IL
looks easy. but try IT. The inexperf
cnced citizen who tries 70 look at some
thing with such n glass Is sure TO close
one eye. He can't look at the magnlhed
object with the other eye opened. as
can the jswelera This Is only another
evidence that one must lean nll the
detail. OF ones trade, What IS easy
for the experienced jeweIer Is oil but
impossible FOR The novice.GNew York
ir,,i.,gfg 10 &ioro1 an! giia79s91N
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11
The Nurses Part.

why do so many people insist Oh
having nurses for their childrenT ask
ed the motherly woman. ,.f
THAT is easily explained" answered
the unpleasant man. "a nurse en-
ables a woman to send crying baby
out OF her own hearing and let II stay
on the sidewalk TO annoy the neigh
bors."- Washington Star. ...
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11
+, Mskine Q Distinction.

.,Of- course you know something
about that, candidates political opln-
Ionsy" said the trusty adviser.
II don't care d rap about his opin-
i,ns.'a answered Senator Sorghum.
How are his epigramsy'-w Washington
Star. ~ ..... rr-l.-l.l .--l .l,l .nI1aL.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11
He Didn't Put II Oh.

"Grac!ousr exclaimed Mr.. Stayiate'
"Its nearly midnight should be go
ing pretty soon. suppose"
"Yes," replied Miss Patience Come
you know the old saying. Never, pu'
of till tomorrow what you can do to-
day.'"-Phnadelphia Press.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11
Mo.nLinn Oa n{ Widnut.u

Some curious customs In the way OF
pastimes prevail IN Korea. Among the
farming classes there IS one known as
the packing off OF widows" This
means raid on certain village
known to contain young widow. A
widower, accompanic | by friends, en-
ters the village, carries OF the woman
In question and marries her
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11
Stationary Waitxinu.

"You let him hug you In the con-
servatory." - ...,
T did not. made him remove his
arm every time the music in the ball
room stopped" Louisville Courier
Journal
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11
The Alternative.

The Count-Doctor. have such n
fearfully bad cough What can ! do
for it7 Doctor Well. sir. you must re-
member that you are no longer In
your first youth and you must take
care Of your general health. So you
had better leave OF smoking; take no
alcohol In any form and do not excite
yourself In any way; do not The
Count-The mischief. doctor; what am
to do theni Nothing but cough
Lusttge Biatter.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11
Looked That Way.

"I don't think she'll ever marry him.
said Mrs. Henpeck. "She nuarrels with
him 50 and Is 80 domineering that
"She Isl" interrupted Henpeck. I'll
bet they've been secretly married al
ready dyv-Philadelp Press.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11
All AIono In That Class.

Mr.. Hunker-I have merely speak
ing acquaintance with Miss Throck-
morton. Mr.. Spatts-You are very
lucky. All her other acquaintances
are listening acquaintances.-Stray
Stories. .t
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11
a Comparison.

Mrs. Johnston lover the tub)-Doan
All mex yo good livin'. Henry Clay
Johnstonf Mr.. Johnston-TOl'ble. chile
-tol'ble. But yo' sh'd have seen dc
way NAH mothah suppohted nah fa-
thah!-Puck.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11
Fun In Space.

dreamed last night that I was pres
ent at a committee meeting OF the SUM-
earth, moon and stars.
I'm no coward said the earth
-No. but you have two great fears "
said the sun hotly.
"And those arer
"The hensisphefes."
you've forgotten the atmosphere
put in the moon. And the comet, who
had no business to be there, wagged
his tail with Joy. M 49,
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11
.Tha Othor Captain.

Captain (witheringiy to prlvate)-Nfy
friend. you ought 10 be eating hay.
Are there Any riore Ike you in you,
family? private-I have only one
brother. sir. Captain-0h! And what
Is he? Private Captain. sir.-Bon VI
Vauf frrrf. F......
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11
Shenan6ion FieraId
fsdVert,siiFY Eaief


@dYert,ssTY Gaief
Advertisements will be insert.
cd at ore dollar per square Of
ten lines or less, for the first In.
sertiOn, and 80 cents for each
subsequent insertion.
~ Quarterly or yearly ldyer,
isements By contract.
H4F Unless the number OF ins-,
tiOns is marked upon the ms, d.
script, advertisements will be pub
llshed until forbidden and chsrg, d
accordin ;lv
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11
The Deadhea ado.

what started tie riot at the per
formance OF Hamlet last nightT'
Ham held the skull and sail, Alas.
poor Yorick, you are not the only dead
head in the house." PearSon's
Weekly.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11
Unhealthy.

Man Ito friend)-I am done with
doctors henceforth. One OF them Nd
yised me to sleep with my windows
open. I did so. and the very next
morning my gold watch was gone from
the bureau Batter.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11
} A Painful Ence.

my face pains me. doctor What
shall I dor asked the patient. IA
"T'm sure don't know" replied the
doctor. .You know have no way OF
improving your looks" os Sacf
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11

Mrs. IIcapequeL So you did an act
Of charity TO commemorate the TWEEN
tieth anniversary Of our wedding. Mr.
Henpeque-Yes: I refused raise In
salary to one Of my clerks who wanted
TO get married
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11
An Imorcvemont.

jumping catsr' yelled the victim In
the chair. you've cut of part of my
rat.'
"Vhy. so have" replied the barber
coo!y. but yoI must admit 1t looks
~
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11

Hcr Way.
There's n yoIng woman who makes
little things count"
"IIOw docs she 10 ~
Teaches arithmetic In a primary
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11

He who changes the sports Is Sc
cretiy changing the manners OF the
young.-Plato
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11

You cannot dream yourself into
character; you must hammer and
forge yourself into one.-Home NoteA
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11
8 s:rikinal likeness

T want you TO photograph me IN
striking ntti.uie." s's12 s'.Ni's'S
no you psssn holding out your hard
asking Coz noneyT'-New yerk Praik
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-10-11

Nothing except Ii be battle lost can
be half so melancholy as a battle won.
Wellington
Arizona republican., 1907-01-13

Charlie. scarcely waiting for Switch
 tail to stop. flung himself out and push ed through the open door into the silent schoolroom, where Dolly Britton stood
 alone, striving to conceal the glad wei
 come of her eyes by an attitude of
 disapproval But Charlie never notic-
 ed it.
 Dolly" he said. standing stiff and straight before her. clinching and un-
 clinching his fingers, "Bilrs struck it rich"
 "What?" she gasped. 70 Charlie! And he had her in his arms, kissing Ter .ace and neck. she half crying, half laughing for the very joy of his possos-
 sion.
 The next day Bill went over with bag of the richest ore to show her, and got his dismissal. He cntreated, ex- postulated. but it was no good She married Charlie Cuthbertson. And Bill had to content himself with the reign ing beauty of two continents-a woman
 for whom a prince was ready to abdi- cate his throne-a story I rather doubt myself having been born under mon archy and seen something of the dig nifty of princes.
Arizona republican., 1907-01-13
THE VERDE GRANDE.

Development work is progressing satisfactorily upon the Verde Grande group. just west of the United Verde. the great Clark copper mine. The three-quarters of mile of wagon road from camp to the United Verde and Pacific railroad has been completed. bunk house and kitchen is complete and being used. The air blower is on the grounds and work on the double com partment shaft is being pushed.
Arizona republican., 1907-01-13

Notice is hereby given that the An nual Meeting of the Stockholders of the Arizona Cuban Asphalt and Min ing company will be held at the prin cipal office of the company. Phoenix, Arizona, on Wednesday, January 23rd, 1907. at 1 D. m, for the election of Directors for the ensuing year and the transaction of such other business as may properly be brought before the meeting.
 CAMBRIDGE WILSON,
 Secretary.
Arizona republican., 1907-01-13

Wanted for United States army: Able bodied unmarried men between ages of 21 and 35; citizens of United States, of good character and temper ate habits. who can speak, read and write English. For information apply to recruiting officer postolice building, Phoenix, Arizona.
Arizona republican., 1907-01-13

District Attorney Jerome has proved
 a distinct and bitter disappointment in the insurance cases. and no one admits it more readily now than George w. Perkins. of the firm of J. r. Morgan
 I& Co. and ex-Secretary of the Treas ury Charles $. Fairchild, the two gen.
 tlemen who have just been indicted by
 the grand jury for forgery in the third degree in connection with certain dum- my sales of stock. When it happened the election of trustees was all over but counting the ballots, and even that
 had been satisfactorily arranged for by means of those convenient card index systems which are either elabOrately simple or simply elaborate according
 to the ends it is intended to serve. and equally capable of proving anything
 either way. There were 100000 of those ballots: they had cost someone
 a dollar apiece to collect. to say noth- ing of the incidental expense of induc- ing policyholders to see the matter in
 the right light. and it would never do.
 so the officials said merely to count them and abide by the result. First
 the ballots must be sorted and arrang
 ed geographically. Then they must be counted. but simply to ascertain the total vote cast. After that the cards, each having 43 separate and distinct entries for each ballot. exclusive of
 the signatures of the inspectors, would
 come into play. This meant something
 over l5.OOO. 900 entries before the actual
 count and tabulation of votes could be-
 gin. Four years. the officials said sad
 ly. would probably be required to com
 plete this work: but. they added more
 cheerfully. remembering that if a few
 more years were necessary. the matter
 would be so nearly forgotten by that
 time as to occasion little or no com
 ment. the result would probably be
 heavily in favor of the present admin
 istration anyhow. Then the blow feli.
Arizona republican., 1907-01-13

The New Yorker to the manor born expects to shuttle off his load of care and get home to Molly and the baby sometime before breakfast the next morning: but the Sunday school su- perintcndent from the interior who comes to town once a year or once a lifetime with a high steam pressure and a neat little roll of the long green ones in his right-hand trousers pocket, expects to stay right on the job until he sees a finish. Not a year ago a night and day bank was established to look afte- his financial needs. but seemed only to increase his demand for other similar conveniences. So now a com pany has been formed 10 furnish legal aid in all sorts of emergencies at any hour of the day or night. All that is necessary is to ring up the office from the hotel and then pay the bill. Not long ago a hustling business man re- membered that he was engaged to be married in an upstate city the next day. and that a steam yacht was nec- essary part of the equipment. It was after office hours and the question was to find a lawyer qualified to draw up a lease Tor lIlS pdIutuldE hlhu oL mat rimonial craft. All other sources hav- ing failed application to the all-night law company brought the desired re suit. At the hour of , a. m, the lease was signed, sealed and delivered, and at S the bridegroom steamed away up the Hudson apparently blissfully uncon- scious of the fact that the railroad runs so close along the edge of the river that sometimes it falls in.
Arizona republican., 1907-01-13
NEW YORK GROWING
 BY A THOUSAND A DAY
Phenomina Gain of the Metropolis in 1906.-Night and Day Lawyers for Those Who Need Them.

New York. Jan. 7.-According to uni versal New Years custom Father KnickerbOcker has been taking account of stock and finds occasion to congrat
 ulate himself that in 1906 his city of Gotham has broken all records for growth of big cities. Its total increase in population has been 375.000. or over a thousand new inhabitants for every day in the year. The floating popula- tion-visitors and others whose stay is temporary, whose homes are the hotels and lodging houses, and whose pres ence gives the air of hustle and rapid life to the shopping district and the Great White Way. is numbered at 150,- 900 to 200. 0.OOO To the city and its sub urbs during the year has come an in crease in real estate values of $60O,- GOO. .OOO-a trifie 10 be sure, but nearly three times the property valuation of the entire state of Nevada in 1904, nearly equal to Wyoming and Arizona combined, far greater than that of New Mexico. Idaho or Utah. and just about equal to the entire property valuation of South Dakota in that year. For the years work on rapid transit projects, lllt lOldl OuAi1A Has bt'Al To''f'yyf'NN' and the work already under way will cost S1 100000 by the time 1t is completed. Just to keep in touch with things the old gentleman in the pow dered wig has broken another record that for telephone installations. Within a radius of about 8 miles of the City Hall there are now in service some 3Sg.OO0 telephones; so that now New York has in service more telephones than London and the ten other largest cities of Great Britain combined; more than France, Holland, Belgium and Switzerland combined; and more tel ephOnes than are to be found in the twenty largest cities in Germany. The new installation in the territory in and near New York for the year numbered 1000, or nearly 200 per day.
Arizona republican., 1907-01-13

There is no question that MT Jerome was to blame. The grand jury itself said that it would not have indicted had he not so strenuously insisted upon it. The charges upon which the in dictment was based would have been outlawed by the statue of limitations in another five days. As it is 1907 promises additional trouble for the in surance magnate whose life for the past two years has been a strenuous one.