The Washington herald., 1907-09-22
Maria'S Midnight Lecture.
LECTURE NO. s.


matter? If you'd read the papers
you'd understand these things.
Then the Democrats Won out at
Oklahoma, where they passed a con-
situation and voted for prohibition,
though Secretary Taft told 'em not
to. lie may be able TO run things
among the Fnipinos. but Oklahoma
don't care much for a Secretary Of
War, / guess
Speaking about war see that they
amt having any trouble nowadays
getting men to enlist IN the navy.
Maybe the change In the uniform had
something 10 do with H. Wasn't no
wonder that men didn't want TO put
on those foolish pants and those fun
ny-looking hats. Even If a man is
sailor lie must have some pride. !
should think 1 only knew one sailor
in my life and that was Ross Haw-
kins' boy. who ran away and enlisted.
They put him on a ship called the
Mary, and he had the name Of It in
gold letters In front Of hts cap. Then
ne tatOOed it on his arm. He was en-
gagged 10 Preacher Woods daughter
Belle, and when she saw. the Mary all
over him she gave him the mitten,
and the last I heerd OF him was he's
married a South Sea IsIauder-thOugh
how he ever learned to speak her Ian
guage IS a mystery 10 me- He couldn't
even speak English when ] knew him.
-fs..
just ike you-just when was getting
interested. too. You can be so inteili-
gent when you choose and at other
times-say. dontFou think it's too
bad about John d. Rockefeller. jr.,
resigning from Sunday schOOI2 I dc.
Just when they've begun 10 find out
how much money old Mr.. Rockefeller
is worth They say that he gets So
every second Of his life, and all thatu
come some day 70 the young man
just think; S32 q second. and him
a-reading the parable Of the Prodigal
Son TO a Sunday-school class. Why,
before he got through one verse he'd
have earned several hundred dollars.
I don't see what they do with all the
money, and here am / can't afford
a new skirt, and Emily's shoes are
all out at the toes, Just about two
seconds Of that income'd be enough
for me just now. That's what 1t is
20 have a husband who wastes his
time distinguishing, indeed. No Won
der you're sleepy,
THE papers say II was time that
straw hats were called in, but I don't
expect you, Job, 70 90 TO buying 10
new hats yet awhile. You paid a dol
lar ninety-eight for that straw hat and
il amt 50 very dirty yet Besides.
you've got that brown derby that you
won on ROosevelts elecUOn-at least
you said you won it. II you was
a-g0ing 20 bet. you might have bet q
new skirt for me and won IT, That's
about the only way III get IT, Only
I suppose il you mad a-bet that way
you'd lost II there was q new skirt
coming TO me out Of il. I bet that
Bryan would have been elected Won
der why they don't put Mr.. Cleveland
Up again He's one Democrat that ev-
everybody likes. OF course he's been q,
III to run much, but I see that he's out
driving again now and maybe he'd be
willing to try.
Did you see about that Indian Prince
that people were making so much
about. who turned out to be d cook?
He said his father was a Razor or
something ike that. and now he's a
cook II put me in mind Of Miss Law
son. OF TerTe Haute. who made such a
fuss because she was going on the
stage. Had her picture IN the papers;
and we all went down 10 the train 70
see her of for New York. Afterward,
we all heard how famous she was. and
then wheu we went to New York 10
see the HippOdr0me. we met her, and
she was second cook in q restaurant
and getting SC a week. She was awful
ashamed when I found il out, but laws
me, ate one Of her pies and It was
real home-like. I only hope this black
prince, IL he Is a cook, is good one.
even II his father was g pretentious-
well portentate. or whatever you call
it. A man can't help what his father
is. I guess
what a terrible accident that was
on the japanese battle ship. wasn't it?
Them guns are always exploding or
shooting the wrong way. or something.
Seems to me the best way TO get rid
of the country's enemies would be to
invite 'em aboard TO target practice.
Something'd be sure TO so OF and kill
them. and then they wouldn't have 10
make 50 much fuss about aiming
straight. When these guns go OF by
themselves they always seem 10 hit
things all right I tell you the jap
apese won't let US get ahead Of EN-
a little bit-if we have an accident on
the Georgia they have 10 have one too.
! tell you they're smart!
Very well, then. go 10 sleep, if you
must Ny. but men are selfish, But
before you go to sleep, want you to
know that I've got to have that new
bombazine skirt. Here's the people
all coming back to town. and the sea
son getting ready TO begin, and I'm
around here looking like a dOwd.
was out on Connecticut avenue yes
terday and I see them taking down
the boards from the windows and
doors and the servants are all getting
busy, so well soon be started here in
Washington again and everybody'H be
gay-Tm going to be gay. too.
Listen, There's Emily crying again.
Poor child. guess her CaTbUncle
hurts. III have TO go 10 her, I know
you won't. Pretending to be asleep.
Job, Job, I've got 10 get up I'd go TO
Emily-poOr child, I wish it was you
had the carbuncle-you wouldn't be so
Indifferent then
Don't cry, Emily, dear; I'm coming. ''