The Washington herald., 1907-12-01

Herald has been telling people 70 do
their Christmas shopping early; but
they didn't mean for you TO go 10 buy
ing Christmas trees in November, even
before the turkeys all ct UP. Why didn't
you come home to dinner, Job? We
had chicken crOQuettes. made Of the Jur-
keys white meat that was left, and
they We're just fine; Emily ate three
Of them, and little Haley drank so
much Of the sage gravy that he turned
green in the face. You've been TO the
theater? What theater? III bet you
went 70 one OF them buriesQUe shows.
q place no married man with lawful
wife should be seen at. tell you. job.
Pm mighty glad that most OF that money
you won has gone; you're getting into
such extravagant habits-yOu know you
really didn't need tlsst red necktie you
bought, and as for those patent-leather
shoes, they make you look perfectly
ridiculous. besides giving you corns-
serves you right. ] say,
While I've been waiting for you.
job. I've been studying Up the political
situation. and I'm 50 glad you've come
home at last 50 as you can explain the
whole thing 10 me / can't quite under
stand how il is that Mr.. Bryan got into
the White House the other day. can
you? suppose the President invited
him, hoping that perhaps some day Mr..
Bryan might be President and could re-
turn the compliment That Bryan din
ner was a big success. wasn't II. even
If they didn't have any cocktails? I
tell you, Job, a Presidential candidate
cant be too careful these days what
he eats and drinks. wonder II there's
anybody keeping track Of the saki Mr..
Taft drank in Japan, or the vodka he's
consuming in RUSSIA When he gets
10 Germany. ! suppose he'll drink beer
with the Kaiser. and with the President
of France he'll drink champagne, and
with the King of England he'll tackle
ale. and then. when he gets back TO
this country. he'll have 20 stop for fear
of losing votes.
If one Is TO believe Mr.. Foraker.
though. Mr.. Taft's boom isn't SO big
success even in Ohio Foraker's going
TO run. and maybe Tom johnson. Of
Cleveland. win help him. Who's
Democrat? Job. / wish you wouldn't
ask me STUPID questions. and that's not
the right question anyway. It's What's
Democrat That's the real c0nUn-
drum. You can't tell who's a Democrat
or who's what these days. 1 see that
Charles Murphy says that he's sick OF
- all. he -.efs--..4 81. - ~ Id
ership and is going out Of politics. I
don't believe Il though. 4 man named
Murphy couldn't get out OF politics II he
tried Its in his blood Just Ike fight
ing and good taste Tor whisky
I wonder why they didn't have any
whisky at the Bryan banquet The
papers say that all they served was
sauterne-I don't even know what that
IS; l thought q saUterne was a thing
you put flowers in, 1 tell you. Job. this
prohibition movement is simply grand.
They've made SO much progress IN the
South that some Of the States are think
ing Of calling an extra session Of the
irrigation congress. Some scientists says
that the whole world VIII be dry in
fifty millions years. but that's small
comfort for thos@ Southern gentlemen
who want a drink to-day. Even ia
Washington they're talking about pro-
hibition and want 10 get a law passed
so that no one can go 10 the saloon and
buy q can Of beer. OF course. Job. you
know 7 don't drink. but 1 do Ike q
small can Of beer after a hard DAYS
wash. don't you2 Do you remember the
time. Job. when you took the can and
went 10 the corner-I was I'm bed with
the lumbago-and YOU asked the man
for ten cents worth OF beer and said:
Please give me q good ten cents worth:
it's Tor a sick lady'-you said i so feel
ingly that even the bartender was touch
ed and filed the can right UP.
We certainly are making progress in
our government. Job. can see that.
OF course it's an old story that many a
candidate has had 10 fling UP a lot OF
coin before he could get an Office, but
the idea Of the President tossing a coin
with lot Of Senators TO see whom he
should appoint. is q new one on me.
I think II was real sensible for Mr..
Bryan 10 say what he did about the
donkey being an ideal emblem for the
Democratic party, don't yOu2 At
least the donkey gives an example Of
patient perseverance. which Mr.. Bryan
has tried hard 10 emulate, and If he
gets TO be President, I don't see any
thing 10 prevent him from putting the
dOnkey's head on the silver coins. lust
as Mr.. Roosevelt has put the rough
rider eagle on. a much better idea.
though. would be for each President 20
have his own face put on the coins.
just Ike Gov. Douglas does on his
s. shoes, and President Garfield did on
the tea that made him famous. It's
funny Mr.. Roosevelt never thought OF
doing It; julius Caesar did. Amt you
glad to learn that our President is
such a fine Latin scholar. Why. when
President Wheeler spoke TO him in
English the other day the President
came right back at him-let's see, I
copied IL down somewhere-oh. YES.
Abusus non toIlit usum'-I don't know
what it means. but il sounds as r he
knew an awful lot. doesn't it?
Isn't Il funny. Job. al during this
week, while I've been spending that
money you won last week, 1 haven't
heard a thing about the financial
stringency? 1 guess it's all over. Mr.
Cortelyou isn't issuing any more Ger
tidcates. and a lot Of people are putting
their money back in the banks. I read
about a woman who hid her savings
out in the pigpen and the hogs ate it
up. Then wanted to send the pigs on 10
the Treasury 10 have them redeemed.
but the Treasury said that il was the
Agricultural Department that was in
yestigating sausage! I remember an in
cident like that when we lived on the