Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1907-02-14
ErcaptIon 10 Inc RuIe.
uneIs ny In Now Work cIty.

OUCft 9I ~ NtW NQFN Oltys
Az / may have told you, was born
In the country. but when a young man
I made a trip to New York city. On
the train, en- route, an old maid from
Kalamazoo. Mich, swallowed a ny.
The fiy tlckled like sixty. and the shy
Md maid got real devilish. Every
time the fly felt OF her bellduvIa
with his feet, or Numbered head first.
as fly always does. against her
epiglottis, she uttered like n steam
calliope irritated by an irresponsible
negro gentleman. AS the fly playful.
iy Initiated her interior mechanism,
she began with low, musical gurgle
that made You think Of spring water
chasing a skatlng.bug over the riff.
fles, gradually increasing with n cres.
condo that suggested n flock OF pea.
cocks against the world Her face
grew lividly purple. the rooster feath.
er on her hat got a fearful attack OF
st. Vitus dance. and for time Il
looked as though that maiden was go
ing to be tickled to death!
Just at the vital moment. the con.
ductor induced her to eat n piece of
fly paper, and we arrived In New
York on time!
AS ! walked into the hotel met a
man. CHANGING at my clothing. he
said, casually, addressing me:
'Ah, you are from the vest"
81 am" said ], proudly; I'm from
Chicago, where the bird OF freedom
flaps his wings every morning and the
tunnel caves in every night"
He seemed impressed
Have you ever been west?" asked,
emboldened.
"oh, yes" said he. with a look Of
ennui. "Yes, should say so; I've
been clear out to Northeast. PENN"
Next time you come so far west, "
said I, Hospitality, stop in Chicago
and see the Masonic Temple turn
round"
He went away mad.
Well, went gawking down Broad
way. and wound up in an undertaking
establishment, where the undertaken
was laying out a corpse.
Who's dead?" asked, being lone.
some.
THE hired girl" said the under.
taker
"Why?" I asked.
Well. you see II was this way"
whispered the undertaken. conflden.
tally. There was an artist and he
needed the money. The rich man
had the money, and TO separate him
from II, the artist painted wonder
full picture-the picture OF an old.
fashioned room with a great FIRE
place. Above the fireplace. suspend
ed from a rafter. he painted dangling
spiders web. The hired girl was q
good girl and she Just naturally wor
ried herself into nervous prostration
and 3I2 coffin trying TO sweep that
cob-web from the room!"
Go on!" said /. There may have
been that kind OF an artist, but II Is
absolutely sure there was never that
kind OF hired girl"
. Down at Coney Island met CIR
of the name OF Flora Dore. Some one
must have told her l was from the
west. for she took quite fancy tC
me-and other things. including my
diamond necktie-pin. told her what
beautiful country the west was.
''You should see one of our great
fields of corn" l Dragged, eprapturet
OF my own eioquence. ''and attend one
of our delightful husking bees!"
"oh, DEAR" she cried. you are ban
tering me, sir! How could one husl
a beer"
Passing along Fifth avenue, / saw
q baker open the door and throw into
the street a dry, stale loaf of bread
A teamster. passing. noted the action
and scTambllng from his seat. res
cued the bread with this comment;
I'll Jest take that home; it's good
enough for my motherin.lawl"