Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-11-23
LONG SHOT KILLINGS
az YOU'LL have observed" said the
Y sardonic looking racing bug

from New York, that in these
gnomish racing narratives. whenever
the deep boy with the e. to /
thing hidden under the lining of his hat
has all kinds of obstacles to surnount and
hurdles to take while he streaks to the
track to get the carrots down. he invaria-
bly, catapults through the gate just in
time to heave his currency at the first
chalker he sees in the line Just as the
one he's PLAYED beats the barrier by seven
and one-eighth lengths. and then the bar
| rierbeater picks his way home in a
trudge. fetching the tacle-surmounter
just exactly S3o.67s93s or some such a
little hunk of gum money as that-all.
'Ye-eh. 1t does happen like that every
time the comet of 1867 falls into the sun
and gets burned alive. and Just about that
often, If YOU look it over. that usual
racing narrative embodies hot combina-
ton. First the hedge-taker with the hot
one has got to make the track in time to
stuff the play-it Cuttings in. Second
when he does make the track in the nick
of time. the warm one has got to bring the
wampum home to paw and in hop-daza
like this the price mustn't ever be less
than 80 or co to l. Well, figure that out
| If it doesn't look like an octillion to one
chance when YOU set through scratching
paper. then l never saw a man who'd lost
his hat slam into a betting ring and beg
a bookmaker to take his money on some
thing.
Joe Yeager. that hieh-notcher no less,
came pulling up at the Sheepshe ad Bay
track in honk cart with two busted
tires an eighth of a minute, or less than
that before the first race was due one
day last summer He'd travelled down to
the track so fast from Long Island City
that the two front tires of the gas-gig
wouldn't stand for it. and so they belched,
but Joe. who was driving. kept right
ahead. and he got to the gate just about
the minute when Cassidy was backing the
sooner jockeys to the webbing before
pressing the bulb. Yeager leaped through
the air out of his buzz buggy like a Las
car pirate jumping from the foreyard into
the bullion hatch. Joe had the warm one
in that first race. and he was going to
slip in his Junk on it If he had to knock
down everybody he met between the
motor car inclosure and the stool Of the
first LAYER in line.
well. he was blowing like stranded
dogfsh on the Guinea coast, and the
sweat was standing out on his forehead
like candle drippings when he finally
cantered 10 to bunch of the chalkers
| and shouted out the name Of the thing he
wanted. holding I'D his lunch-hooks to in
dictate the amounts that he wanted to bet
on his cinch. The sheetwriters got the
! bets registered lust as the starter let out
his come on" howl and Yeager stood to
| yet; but you can stand for long while
4 on these nlerrygo-round grounds and still
nobody'll teter along and put something
In your hand. The one tina Joe had put
up that Marathon run for ran like a hunk
of Edam that's been left out on the rear
piazza and rained on and. additionally to
that, Yeager had SO overtaXed himself on
that scorching hot afternoon that he was
overcome with the heat. and one of the
vete rinarians of the paddock had to work
hi nj af boII in hn5
to keep Joe from going nuts and running
around like pin-wheel.
Didn't run to the story paper dope
then, did it? Well. just four days later
Joe Yeager heard about something else,
while in town, Just in time to start for the
: track a little bit too late for the first
' sprint. He had to apologize and deposit
collateral with nine mounted cops at diff
ferent stages of the route before they d
/ let him continue to spin his gig to the
knots per lunar hour. and yet he couldn't
make it. The horses were already going
away from the webbing when Joe started
to make his run for the wagering pen,
and then Yeager leaned against a
stanchion and mopped his fever brow and
muttered that he hoped the good thing
hed heard about would fall right down in
the stretch with sprained wrist.
Il mix. 1t didn't. though. won by
as far as from here to the new Union
station and there was so to 1 against it
at the starting minute, and the converse
ton that then and there ensued between
Mr. J. Yeager and himself when he saw
his ripe one tiptoeing home all alone. and
him with nix the price of a paper
bag of saltwater taffy on 1t was
the impolitest monoogue I've bent an ear
to for long stretch. and hear lot of
one-man power gurslinE around the
tracks. at that. That's how Joe Yeagar
got it where Tusitala wore the tusks
. thing
| all in the space of a calendar week. and
that's the kind of a break. If you're TAX
| ing it from me. that good n1nety-nine
out of hundred of the boys who beat 1t
from the gate to the ring get. If they
| win their sprint and get the spinach down,
the thing they've worked so hard to play
runs like a Wisconsin lumber jack cook
| with four pairs of pantaloons on. If they
lose on their hops from the gate to the
chalkers' caves the thing they've done
their scrambling to bet on comes
dancing down to the tape by himself. like
a Mindanao Moro with a bolo in his teeth.
Il Remember Wallie Fessenden, the base
ball umpire? Well, Wallie once had the
grief Of beating a swell thing as far as
the long run from the gate to the ring
was concerned. And still he got in wrong.
The break went against him because Wal
lie was kind O. careless as to the pro-
nouncing thing in those days Wallie' s
lambkin in the first race was curd by
the name of Toupee. Toupee was one OF
those that'd run like Hindoo yesterday
and like somethin' hitched with a pillow
plug today. but the folks behind him had
him keyed up to fortissmo in seven flats
on this day. and Wallie was in on the
pipekovtch. The folks looked for any
, thing I'D to half hundred to one by way
of a price. but Walle was interested in a
, pinochel game at track starting time. and
so when he made Long Island City the
first train had gone and the second
wouldn't creep him there in time for the
first race. in which Toupee was to go. Sc
Walle chartered a gas wagon and raced
for the gate. He made it-lust in the
nick of time to get in poor For In this
same race on the card with Toupee. and
all unbeknownst to Fessendon, was a
} crab by the name of Teepee. Wallie had
never heard of that one. 1t was all
T !Toupec for him. and nothing else matter
ed But before he cantered through the
gate and into the ring the chalkers had
been having their bothers owing to the
similarity in the names of the two horses
Toupee and Teepee. They'd have to ask
every fellow who wanted to play one or
the other of them wehther he wanted the
plug whose name began with T-double-
e or T-o-u-pee. and even when the race
was all over and the cashlng going or
there was an immense amount of WranS-
ling for Cavanaugh to straishten out
Well Wallie as l say had never heard
| of the Teepee Skate-had skipped the nam
| of that one in going over the entries, and
II was Teepees first out in the east.
Toupee was at 40 to l when Fessenden
arrived and Teepee stood at the same
Roth borSaS were looked upon as