The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-02-17
8WEllMs OF THE lDLER
The Amphibious Queen Bee and Her HRainy Days.

from an aridity Of gullot now to-
tally unfamiliar to him. a
But the great bacteriologist hunt.
Ing for fault-mlcrobes In my makeup, I'LL
has also discovered other Weaknesses
tending to show my extravaganza and IA
unwillingness to apply tho principles III
or economy to my own case.
For example she has never ceased
to be resentfui because I carry life In Ii
surance, and have got l,er nanlad aa III
beneficiary In the policy. To save my
life, can't convince that woman that
I pay out $50 year in premiums SO
that my posthumous maEnanimity may
put gilt-edge on her rejuvenating
3widowhood. sT5lgs
Without exactly being able to figure n
IT out, she suspects I believe that by W.
some hook or crook Ill slip out OF 81
the ground after the policy is paid and !
euchre her out OF the fruits OF her u
"scrimping."
No. Stree says she, ut may be
mighty good thing, but l wish you'd ri
pay the premiums to me every year
and not stnve mo OFF with the prospect
Of OUTLYING an old lightwood knot
like you. Don't talk to me about hiving
up for your rainy days, when I've been
padding around in equinotial showers n
ever since l married you. If things
get any wetter than they are now,
you'd better leave me a Noah ark"
Now to confess q CHASTITY truth. the
Commander-in-Ch Chiefs idea about saw
ing. Is that ono ought to religiouslys
lay aside all tho money he doesn.t Il
need--the kind for instance that he n
would throw at birds or have made
| into watch-charms and cuff buttona.S
| UP our way MI the birds have
migrated, and we don't wear
cuffs or watches, SO the peculiar
| exigencles necessitating economy don't
4 tea I,
as things pertain, to her. AS already
indicated she hasn't got any objec-8S
| tons to my practcing self-denlal so
! long as the total abstinence dividends
!, are paid annually into her Golfers, but
when 1t comes to q sock iplethoric with
unused and unusable currency. she
says "Avaunt."
Once, when had a spell Of
dyspepsia that made mo too miserable
4 to need oven Confederate money, 7
saved ninety eight dollars which. ac-G
cording to my unselfish ideas. would
enable my own obseaules to be conduct
A ed on refreshingly pleasing cash
8 basis. but 1t nearly ruined mo for life
when tho Queen Bee. nosing around In
my papers unearthed the wad.
Within month after that time, She
had spent five times the sum mentions
ed, for she became firmly convinced
a that I was possessed OF so much super
fluous wealth that I merely amused
myself hiding 1t about the house. Moth
ing could make her believe that tho
rooster who gets a nest egg accom-
Z plishes this end by the severest travail
r and self-restraint. g,
q It wouldn't have surprised her after
! that find II she had detected green
backs In the feather mattresses, and
Il shining battalions of golden eagles be-8
hind the entire wainscoting Of tho
house. In sooth, she then and there
resolved to have everything she want
want.
Otherwise. argued this philosopher
In whalebone and face-powder, she
would wear herself away economizing.
and then "some other woman would
} come along" and gather in the fruits
OF her pnrsimony.
And right here It should be stated
: In justice to the rest OF the whimsical
" sex, that the Queen Bee has long
). since fixed that "other woman" This
; creature, whoever she may be. had bet
ter come with q dowry when the
Y wise, She, too. will strike me
< during q protracted rainy SPELL
q when nothing short OF web-feet will
pull her through 81
y In view Of the facts cited in the fore-
u going paragraphs. / have found IT. ex-
I pedient to promulgate8 my theories
= about economy by methods totally un-
Q like those adopted by any other men,
. Within the last week i have talked
: about 'rainy days" as flippantly as
any Muscovy duck would DO. while
r tell the Communicated chief that
9 money comes easy and ought to &c
: easy, always excusin, of course. such
g capital as is invested In my mellowcr
. grades u 2Whislkey. s4,l e
+ IF you really want point lace and
y diamonds" say I. why so and get 'em
= and II It's bad under foot why come
1t back home in the automobile,
% And I mean 1t too-that Is II she
n can get the credit or find the automo-
it -,