The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1907-01-26
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New York Nail.
Edward-Why did Grace marry
Fred? She wasn't the least bit in love.
Edith-Heavens no. She thought Ada
wanted him.-Judge.
Mrs. Skinnum-Why are you oil MD
Ing from Tommy? Little Lizzie-Tom-
my is the butcher coming with his bill.
Philadelphia Record.
Gauss-How does your dog like your
new neighbor? Matchett-It's little
too early to say. Rover has had only
one small piece.-Smart Set.
The Father Ito boy back from COL
lege)-Well, son, how much money do
you owe? The n-Well-er-dad,
how much have you got?-Harper's
Bazaar.
Mrs. Flip have just been talking
to specialist, and he says by brain
vitality has all gone to my long hair.
, Do you believe it? Flip-Well-er--
1 knew 1t had gone.-St. Paul Pioneer
Press. p
He-Miss Highnote Is certainly a
hcmely girl, isn't she? She-Well, she
, isn't a beauty, but when you hear her
sing you will forget her face. He-Gra-
cious! Is her singing as bad as that?
The Club Fellow.
Mr.. Misfit (savagely)-Before 1 mar
ried you, was there any doddering
idiot gone on you? Mrs. Misft-There
was one Mr.. Misft-I wish to good
ness you'd married him! Mrs. Misfit-
did.-Los Angeles News
Mr.. Justup-Let us go around to the
De Rocks. They have just bought a
Rembrandt for thousands of dollars.
Mrs. Justup-You don't say. Is it gas
oline or steam, and what is the horse
power Chicago Daily News.
as it fact that your mother-in-law
threw herself out Of the third-story
window and you did nothing to restrain
. herr? Excuse me; went to the first
story to catch her, but she had al
ready passed !"-Il Dlavolo Rosa.
They've started queer restaurant
, downtown; no tables, no chairs, no
, food, no walters" "What are they
running it on, air or water?" Neither
Christian Science-you think you
eat, SO much a think. brooklyn Life.
Laundryman-I regret to tell Wv,
sir, that one Of your shirts is lost. Gus
temer-But here l have just paid you
twelve cents for doing it up. Laun-
dryman-Quite right, sir; we laun-
dered it before we lost it.-Harper's
Weekly.
Stern Parent-From my observation
of him last night l came to the conclu-
sion that that young man Of yours was
rather wild. Daughter-It was you
that made him wild. He wanted you
to go upstairs and leave US alone-Il-
Illustrated Bits.
"Well," said the optimst, 81 suppose
you are through kicking about the
warm weather" "Oh, yes," respond
ed the pessimist cheerfully. "I'm kick
ing about the cold weather now. You
can nearly always kick."-Louisville
Courier Journal.
81 can't understand this street rail-
! way situation" said Mrs. Wade Parker,
81 wish you'd tell me just what you
: think of It," "Well, my DEAR" said
, Mr.. Parker, ''since you ask 1t, l will
But you'll have to send the children
out of the room first."-Cleveland
Leader.
did We get damages fer being In
that railway accident, BillT "Sure
fifty dollars fer me and fifty fer the
missus." "The missus? l didhA .leal
- she was hurt" "She wasn't; but
NJ had the presence O. mind to fetch hel
4. one on the head with me foot."-Har
le per's Weekly.
at my DEAR" said the caller, with /,
N winning smile, to the little girl who oc
cupied the study while her father, al
eminent literary man, was at his din
ner, Il suppose you assist your pap
10 by entertaining the bores" Eyes, sir,
or replied the little girl, bravely pleas
I'd be seated" Washington Journal.
D. "For some time past I've been buyin
lie dozen eggs every week at this store
OF and 1 Invariably find two bad ones Il
ry every dozen. Something's got to b
le-. done about It," said an irate house
Sc keeper. "Well," said the new clerI
al naively, and with quiet smile, met
In be If you only bought half-a-doze
you'd only get one bad one."-Grocer'
Literary Gazette.
Martha's mistress often boasts o
al her readiness of resource. "ThS .bes
at nursemaid In town." she calls her. On
Its day she came home from a drive, to b
to confronted with the startling new
ct that the baby had swallowed a buttor
.er "And what did you do, Martha?" sh
er- asked in some anxiety, although trus
RI ing that 1t had been the right thin
at "Why," said Martha, II made hill
swallow a button-hole right away ~
Youths Communion