The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1907-09-13
Copyright, 1906. Bobbs- Merrill Coz
CHAPTER J..

CHAPTER l..
IT Is rather difficult in these days for
a man who takes such scant interest
in foreign affairs-trust a whilom
diplomat for that!-to follow the con
tinual geographical disturbances of
European surfaces. Thus, I can not
distinctly recall the exact location Of
the Grand Duchy of Barscheit or Of
the n%eighboring principally of Dop-
pelkinn. 1t meets my needs and pur.
poses, however, to say that Berlin and
Vienna were easily accessible, and
that a three hours journey would
bring you under the shadow of the
C%arpathian range, where, in my diplo-
matte days, l used often to hunt the
bear that walks like a man."
Barscheit was known among her Sis
ter states as the meddler," the
maker Of trouble" and the duke as
"Old Grumpy'-Brummbar. To use a
familiar Yankee expression, Barscheit
had a finger in every pie. Whenever
there was a political broth making,
whether in Italy, Germany or Austria,
Barsceit would snatch up a ladle and
start in. She took care Of her own
affairs SO easily that she had plenty of
time to concern herself with the af-
fairs of her n~eighbors. This Is not
to advance the opinion that Barscheit
was wholly modern; far from it. The
fault of Barscheit may be traced back
to a certain historical pillar of salt,
easily recalled by all those who at
tended Sunday school. "Rubbering"
is a vulgar phrase, and l disdain to
use 1t.
When a woman looks around 1t Is
invariably a portent of trouble; the
man forgets his important engage
ment, and runs amuck, knocking over
people, principles and p~rincipalities.
If Aspasia had not observed Pericles
that memorable day; II there had not
been an oblique slant to Calypso's
eyes as Ulysses passed her way; II
the eager Delllah had not offered ia
vorable comment on Samson's ring
lets; in fact, II all the in his
tory and romance had zone about their
affairs as they should have done, what
undressing reading history would
be to-day!
Now, this is Il story of a woman who
looked around, and of a man who did
not keep his appointment on time;
out of a grain of sand, a mountain. OF
course there might have been other
causes, but with these I'm not famil-
lar.
This Duchy of Barscheit is worth
looking into. Imagine a country with
telegraph and telephone and medieval
customs, a country with electric lights,
railways, surface cars, hotel elevators
and ancient laws! Something of the
customs of the duchy must be told In
the passing, though, for my part. l am
vigorously against explanatory pas
sages IN stories of action. Barscheit
bristled with militarism; the little
mar. always initiates the big one, but
lacks the big mans excuses. Mill
tarism entered into and overshadowed
the civic laws.
There were three things you might
do without offense: you might battle,
eat and sleep, only you must not sleep
out loud. The citizen Of Barscheit was
hemmed in by a set of laws which
had their birth in the lark dungeons
of the Inquisition. They CONCEALED the
blood of a man born and bred In a
commercial couatry. II you broke a
law, you were relentlessly punished;
there was no mercy. In America we
make laws and then hide them in dull
looking volumes which the public have
neither the time nor the inclination to
read. In this duchy Of mine 1t was
different; you ran into a law on every
. corner, in every park, in every public
building: little oblong signs, enameled,
which told you that you could not do
something or other-"Forbidden!" The
beauty of German laws is that when
you learn all the things that you can
not do, you begin to find out that the
things you can do are not worth a
hang in the doing.
AS soon as a person learned to read
he or she began life by reading these
laws. II you could not read, so much
the worse for you; you had to pay a
guide who charged you almost as
much as the full cost of the fine.
The opposition political party In the
United States is always bowling mill
tar!sm, without the slightest idea of
what militarism really L.. One side,
please, in Barscheit. when an officer
ONE along. CT take the consequences.
II you carelessly bumped into him.
you were knocked down. II you OBJ
jected, you were Sarrested. II you
struck back. ten to n you received q
beating with the fiat OF q saber. And
never. never mistake the soldiery for
the police; that Is to say. never ask
an officer to direct you to any place.