The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-02-03
MARK TWAIN'S BROTHER.
He Was the Most Absent Minded
Man on Record, Says Humorlst.
I North American Review.)

man on RECORD, says Humorist.
North American Review)
He MARK Twains brother Orion
was always dreaming: he was a dream
er from birth, and this characteristic
got him into trouble now and then.
once when he was % or u years. old.
and was become journeyman, he con-
celVed the romantic idea of coming TO
Hannibal without giving us notice, in
order mat he might furnish TO the fam
iiy pleasant surprise If he had Civ
en- notice. he would have been informed
That we had changed our residence and
that that gruff old bass-voiced sailor
man, DR.. g.. our family physician. was
living in the house which we had for
merly occupied and that Orion's former
room in that house was now occupied
by DR.. G.'s two middle-aged maiden
sisters. Orion arrived at Hannibal per
steamboat In the middle of the night
and started with his customary eager
ness on his excursion. his mind all on
IRE with his romantic project and
| building and enjoying his surprise in
ADVANCE. He was always enjoying
things in advance; ii was the make of
him. He never could wait for the event.
but must build it out of dream stuff
and enjoy it OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
sometimes when the event happened he
| saw that it was not as good as the
one he had invented i'm his imagination.
and so he had lost profit by not keeping
the imaginary one and letting the real
ity go. ~
When he arrived at the house he
went around to the back door and
slipped off his boots and crept upstairs
and arrived at the room of those elder
~ ladies without having wakened any
Sleepers. He undressed in the dark
against somebody. He was a little
surprised but not much-for he
thought it was our brother Ben. 1t
was winter. and the bed was comforta-
bic, and the supposed Ben added TO the
comfort-and so he was dropping off
| to sleep very well satisfied with his
progress so far and full of happy
dreams of what was going to happen
in the morning. But something else
was going to happen sooner than that,
and it happened now. The maid that
was being crowded fumed and fretted
and struggled and presently came TO
/ a half-Waking condition and protested
against the crOwding.
That voice paralyzed Orion. He
couldn't move a limb: he couldn't get
| his breath: and the crowded one dis
I covered his new whiskerS and began
| to, scream. This removed the paralysis,
and Orion was out Of bed and clawing
round in the dark for his clothes in a
J fraction of a second. Both maids be-
gan to scream. then, so Orion did not
wait TO get his whole wardrobe. He
started with such parts Of II as he
could grab. He flew to the head of the
stairs and started down. and was par
alyzed again at that point, because he
saw the faint yellow flame of candle
soaring up the stairs from below. and
| he judged that DR.. G.. was behind It,
and he was. He had no clothes on TO
speak of. but no matter. he was well
| enough fixed for an occasion like this.
| because he had a butcher knife in his
hand. Orion shouted to him. and this
saved his life, for the doctor recog-
nized his voice. Then in those deep
| sea-going bass tones of his that 1 used
to admire so much when 1 was a little
boy, he explained TO Orion the change
| that had been made. told him where to
/ find the Clemens family, and closed
with unnecessary advice about posting
I himself before he undertook another
adventure like that-adYice which
Orion probably never needed again as
] long as he lived.
One bitter December night Orion
! mark Twain's brother) sat UP reading
until o'clock in the morning and
then. without looking at the clock. sal
! lier forth to call on young lady. He
hammered. and hammered at the door
couldn't get any response; couldn't un-
derstand it. Anybody else would have
regarded that as an indication of some
kind or other. and would have draw
differences and gone home. But Orior
didn't draw differences, he merely ham
| mered and hammered. and finally the
father of the girl appeared at the dool
in a dressing gown. He had a candle
in his hand and the dressing gown wa:
all the clothing he had on-eXcept al
expression of unwelcome which was 81
thick and so large that it extended al
down his front to his instep and near
~ obliterated the dressing gown. Blu
unpleasant expression. He merely
walked in. The old gentleman took hin
into the parlor, set the candle on Z
table and stood. Orion made the usua
remarks about the weather. and sa
down-sat down and talked and talked
and went on talking-that. old MAJ
looking at him vindictively and wait
ing for his chance-waiting treacher
ously and Indignantly for his chance
Orion had not asked for the younl
lady 1t was not customary. It wa
/ understood that a young fellow came t
see the girl of the house. not the found
err of it. At last Orion got up and mad
some remark to the effect that prob
ably the young lady was busy and h.
would go now and call again. Tha
was the old mans chance. and he sai'
with fervency, why, good land. aren'
you going to stop to breakfast"
CLEVER PARAGRAPHS.