Los Angeles herald., 1907-12-28

down,the belly, and if they do. IL win suit vi
all right.
We believe in other things. but some OF US
are married.
Disrespectfuily submitted
HERBERT L. CORNISH.
Champaign Chairman.
EDWARD GILLETT,
EDWARD wHERLE.
Bottle and Tow1 Holder
S.-Like Samson, we also believe that
in whiskers there is strength.
If anybody is foolish enough to be
lieye that push will live up to that plat
form or any other one they are promising
candidates for the BOBBY hatch.
The platform Of the Hon. Water-Wagor
Travelled Wheatly, the Prohibition candi
date for mayor Of Virgin Valley, is shor
--and needs chaser. Here 1t is:
I'VE believe whisky is trouble put up il
LIQUID form.
1--WE believe that people who live ii
glass houses should drink in the dark"
The H-2-0 party issues a manifesto
which not only sizzles but scorches
Here 1t is:
We have noticed with great deal Of re-
gret that many Of the best citizens Of
Virgin Valley use water exclusively, as
follow up system. We strongly urge that
the water be drunk first. We have also
noticed many of our fellow townsmen
w
put water on the free list. We stand for
the real old-fashioned water like your mo-
ther used to drink, and are not In sympa-
they with boiling or condensng 1t for the
sake of killing a few germs.
We strongly urge the adoption of a law
compelling all street cars. automobiles,
push-carts and baby carriages, in short ev-
cry form of vehicle not propelled by horses.
to be equipped with ''Pilsbury Haines
Tenders" Immediately.
We favor the gold standard and are in
favor Of passing stringent laws compelling
dentists to refrain from using our most
precious metal in filling decayed teeth, thus
making 1t common by having 1t in every
body's mouth, when In reality 1t belongs to
the bankers. As a substitute we suggest a
pulp made from the beautifully engraved
certificates of shares of stock Of defunct
gold mines, ample abundance of which
can be furnished by our own neighbors to
supply the entire universe.
Two New PIanks
Out of compliment to our, candidate, who
is lumber merchant, we Favor the inser-
tion of two new planlks in our platform,
the one redwood the other pine. The red
wood suggests the color of the water so
many of out citizens 'pine" for.
We strongly favor the removal OF the
Los Angeles harbor to the foot of Mt. Lowe
and the use OF fresh instead of salt water
Mt. Lowe would furnish splendid shelter
and fine location for lighthouse. and 1t
would do away with those cold damp. dis
agreeable fogs SO often encountered at San
Pedro, Long Beach and Ocean Park.
We opposed to strikes and lockouts
but favor union underwear.
We believe lots Of our citizens are driving
automobiles who would do better on the
water wagons. We therefore favor taking
the speed limit off sprinkling carts and wa
ter wagons
We favor good times all the time and
strongly oppose panics, depressions and the
shortage of money.
We believe a ''stilr' is both the Cause
and the Effect.
We believe ye sew shall ye rip.
We believe that If we do others good and
plenty they can't do us at all.
Realizing word to the wise is useless
and that we should not put off till tomor-
row that which can be extended for thirty
days,
Your pink -whiskered friend
MONEY PLENTIFUL SNYDER,
Head Water Carrier.
At noon today there will be another dis
| turbance at the Jonathan club. If tn
barricades are finished in time and tn
| police fixed the annual jinks will be per
petrated tomorrow night.
| II you are unfortunate enough to liv
| fifty miles from Los Angeles and fortu
nate enough to have an invitation don
| miss 1t. The ballet alone will be worth
] thousand-mile journey.