The Washington herald., 1907-11-03
Maria'S Midnight Lectures.
LECTURE NO. IL.

fun Of my own daughter just TO draw
attention from your own shortcomings.
You know you promised to be home
here early. and here IT is again. nearly
u o'clock. What's that you've got un-
der your arm there-milk Well, what
under heaven have you been buying
milk for? OF course, I know the price
is going up. the milkman told us so
this morning How much? You got it
for cents quart; bought IL at a bar
gain; lets see IT, Just as ] thought.
Job. you stupid; it's souT On, WELL
never mind. I'll make pudding out Of
il for little Haley in the morning.
I've just been reading in The Wash
ington Herald about that Miss Gladys
Vanderbilt. see she has come into
s12,0O0000. and is TO have a lot more
when her mother dies No wonder that
Count Schnickky. or whatever his name
Is, wants 10 marry her. most any one
could catch a count with all that money.
I'll bet he'd marry her for half Of it.
don't you? An I see they're TO be
married three times, once in the Cath
olic Church, once in the Presbyterian
and once-Oh. I don't know where the
other weddings to be That'I be three
sets O. presents all their friends'l have
to buy. My. but I'm glad we're not
invited to the weddings. amt you. Job?
I wonder II they'll have three honey
moons. and whether she'll have 10 have
three trousseaus; well, it's one thing,
she can afford EN-. and still have
money left. I do hope they'll agree all
right and not have to get three divorces.
1 should think their children will grow
up mighty puzzled; they won't know
which marriage they're the child of,
will they?
I've found out, by reading the pa
pers hard. where Mr.. Fairbanks is at.
He's down In Kentucky, the place
where the cocktails grow. making
speeches. The papers have all reported
his eloquent appeal for "a clean ballot
and fair count I tell you. Mr. Fair
banks d make a fine President; he's
always talking about something origi-
nal He's the man 10 inject new ideas
into politics. He says he's not a can
didate, though. but I expect he'll be
somewhere around. the convention IN
case some accident should happen.
Already we can begin to see what
lot OF things Congress has got 10 pro-
vide for when II meets Here's Secre-
tary Metcalf asking for several mill
lions for the navy. I guess ne doesn't
mean the navy that's going over TO
fight japan, but the new one we're go
ing to have 10 protect the Atlantic
/ Coast. And then Congress has got 70
provide 10000 for balloons SOS We can
have more races. tell you If they have
70 Ill UP $4,000 worth Of balloons here
in Washington, the price Of gesu be
I going up again. Maybe that's the rea-
son the Georgetown eompany's going to
/ increase its stock: IT certainly will have
to have a big stock OF gas on hand.
What's that? No It's not Emily cry
l ing; didn't I tell you the child was
I quite well, I've been following the ad-
/ vice the papers have beer. giving in re-
/ gard to health. and I'm feeding Emily
/ prunes for breakfast 7 tell you. job
/ they're great food They don't cost
much, and they're filing. One trouble is
/ that they 90 attract the flies a good
deal Not that K matters much. for
you can't see 'em, and I've always
maintained that what you don't know
won't hurt you. That's one reason I've
never bothered much about where you
were at nights or how you spent that
part Of your salary you don't bring
home. II your conscience don't hurt
you. Job. my seedlings won't.
Wasn't that funny about the dead
man coming home IN Philadelphia.
Leastways they thought he was dead.
drowned dead. and they'd got all through
mourning for him and were beginning
TO take life comfortably again. when
here he turns UP. I tell you. Job, L
shall be awfully sorry 10 lose you. but
when you do go, I do hope you won't
come bobbing up again. Of course /
/ should never marry again. not me- One
husbands about all that I could endure
in this life. but If there is some mis-
take. job. and you shouldn't be really
dead, I'd Ike you to do like Enoch
Arden did and just keep it to yourself
only you needn't copy him to the extent
of coming around ar night and peeping
I in at the windows II d be awful to
have you took up for a burglar
Talking about prunes, though. job.
I see that the papers say Mr.. Bryan's
making more speeches out in Nebraska.
/ and that on that account Il is almost
certain that the Republicans out there
will win don't think Nebraska likes
favorite sons. or else maybe Mr.. Bry-
ans paper. The Coroner" hasn't got
the right sort Of influence. I do wish
that man d get a political Job OF some
sort. surely he deserves something after
all these years. Maybe they'll elect
him president Of a ChautauQua society
some day,
''Oh, Job. before I forget It-you got
to have some new winter underwear.
I saw some advertised yesterday at
Las the suit. the union kind. only I
didn't buy any Of 'em cause I was
kinder doubtful as TO whether you had
just the right sort Of figure for union
underwear. Mine don't fit me any too
well. and il you pull 'em down at the
wrists they come up at the ankles. and
your feet get all cold. No, Job, think
maybe I'd better make you some nice
homemade garments out OF canton
flannel, with strings around the ankle
You won't wear EN-? Yes, indeed, yo-
will. I'm not going to have you catch
ing your death OF cold, Job, and us
with - money in the bank.
Il wish we could get to know the
truth about what Mr.. Loeb shot while
he was out in Kankakee. One paper
says la shot bear, two mountain
sheep. a goat, and deer. but he won't
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