davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1907-06-15
Carrots Buys an Easter Hat.

Grafton. n. u. 1kecOTQ.
Poison Carrots drove carefully into town
last Friday and hitched his team, a mule
and a bay broncho to a telegraph pole
and started out 70 sell nineteen dozen fresh
eggs. He called at the printing office on
his way to market and explained his mis-
sion. He wae 10 sell the eggs and buy
mis- mother-in-law an Easter hat. and he
had A blue urint Of the plans and specif-
cations for the same in his pocket drawn
nv the hired man The nat was TO have
q fiat roof with a storm entrance IN front
and a summer kitchen behind. There was
TO be "a cooley running around the brim
and emptying into q frog pond dip at the
se4 with the hat headed north After
Poison had thus far exposed his mother-in-
laws desires in the way Of a hat he drove
a dog away from the egg basket and went
ont and backed his team off of the rail
road track to allow the Walhalla train TO
ret by. apologizing TO the conductor for
interfering with the traffic. and after ask
ing the brakeman how he was fixed for
eggs and finding he had no need for any
being a single man with a meal ticket, he
came back to the office and began putting
the plumage on his mother-in-law's hat
A large ostrich plume, the color Of red ink
was the start in at the front and made q
graceful curve over the main hat. On the
west side, as the wearer approached the
hen house from the north, was TO be a
popular grove showing the birds nest
half way up a dead tree on the other
side q hitchng post, a little green grass
and half an onion were to nestle costly
together There were a few other fea-
lures. but az the day was getting hotter
and as Poison had considerable to do be-
fore night, he folded up his plans, picked
up his eggs and went about his business
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1907-06-15
AN OLD EDITOR
Found s.. 600 worm Of Eooa.

The editor Of q paper out in Okla.
said Yes il is true when / got hold
of Grape-NutS food, IL was worth more
than $1,000 doctor bill to ne. for it
made me a well man. | have gained
- pounds In weight, my strength has
returned tenfold, my brain power has
been given back TO me, and that is an
absolute essential, for I am an editor
aud have been for 81 years.
My pen shall always be ready TO
speak a good word for this powerful
nutritiye food had Of course often
read the advertisements regarding
pe-Nuts, but never thought to apply
the food to my own use, until, In my
extremity and sickness the thought
came 10 me that ii might fit my case
The statements in regard 10 the food
are absolutely correct, as | have proven
In my own case. One very fortunate
thing about the food is that while il is
the most scientifically made and highly
nourishing. concentrated food | have
ever known, It has so delicious a taste
that 1t wins and holds friends"
There's a Reason" Read The Road
to Wellville,' in pkgs.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1907-06-15
AFRAID Of PARALYSIS
a NERVOUS SUFFERER CURED
BY DR.. WILLIAMS FINK PILLS.
The Medicine That Makes Rich, Red
Blood and Performs Wonders as a
Tonic for the Nerves

Why are nervous people invariably
pale people?
The answer to that question explains
why remedy that acts on the blood
can cure nervous troubles.
1t explains why DR. Williams Pink
Pills for Pale People are also for nervous
people.
1t is because of the intimate relation
between the red corpuscles in the blood
and the health of the nerves. The
nervous system receives its nourishment
through the blood, Let the blood be-
come thin, weak and colOrless and the
nerves are starved-the victim is started
on the road that leads TO nervous wreck.
Nervous people are pale people-but the
pallor comes first. Enrich the blood
and the nerves are stimulated and toned
up to do their part Of the work of the
body. DR. Williams Pink Pills mako
red blood and transform nervous, irrit-
able, ailinR people into strong, energetic,
, forceful men and women.
Mrs. Harriet f. Porter, Of 90 Liberty
avenue, South Medford, Mass, SAYS:
Il had never been well from child
! hood and few years ago l began to
have dizzy spells. at such times could
not walk straight. l was afraid Of
paralysis and was on the verge of
! nervous prostration. Then neuralgia
set in and affected the side of my face
The pains in my forehead were excru-
ciating and my heart panied me so that
my doctor feared neuralgia of the heart
I tried several different kinds Of treat.
ment but they did me no good.
Zone day my son brought me some Of
DIR. Williams Pink Pills and / found
that they strengthened my nerves. l
took several boxes and felt better IN
every way. There were no more dizzy
attacks, the neuralgia left me and | have
been a well woman ever since.
DR. Williams Pink Pills are invaluable
! in anBmia, rheumatism, after effects Of
! the grip and fevers and in sick head
| aches, nervousness, neuralgia, and even
| partial paralysis and locomotor ataxia.
Our booklet "Nervous Disorders, a
Method of Home Treatment will be
sent free on request to anyone interested.
{ Write for it today.
/ DR. Williams Pink Pills are sold by
all druggists, or will be sent, postpaid,
on receipt of price. 30 cents per box, six
boxes for $3.50, by the DR.. Williams
Medicine Company, Schenectady, n. Y
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1907-06-15
ECZEMA COVERED BABY.
worst Case Doctors Ever Saw--Suf-
fcred Untold Miscry--Perfcct Cure
by Cuticura Remedies.

'My son, who is now twenty-five
years Of age, when four months old
began to have eczema on his face,
spreading quite rapidly until he was
nearly covered. The eczema was some
thing terrible, and the doctors said it
was the worst case they ever saw. At
times his whole body and face were
covered, all but his feet. | used many
kinds Of patent medicines, to no avail.
a friend teased me to try Cuticura.
A last | decided to try Cuticura when
my boy was three years and four
months old. having had eczema all that
time and suffering untold misery
began to use all three Of the Cutjcura
Remedies. He was better in two
months; in six months he was we'll.
Mrs. X. l.. Risley, Piermont, \. H.,
Oct "A, 1905'
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1907-06-15
Atchison Globe Sights.

Not even a woman ever liked all her
kin
Tha trouble with the average watch
dog is he sees entirely too much,
Some people would be very nice If
they could get over one or two bad
habits.
You can't reasonably expect to lose
your reputation and keep your friends.
occasionally you meet a man so un-
popular he might as well become dog
/ catcher
How a woman with luxuriant hair
likes 70 tell about other women's
/ switches.
A man has to be pretty sick to ad-
mi; .hat doctor knows more about
/ it than himself
Some men with good old-fashioncd
notions permit their sons TO ruin them
I with modern IDEAS"
What has become Of the old fash
/ iOned man who insisted on kissing all
/ the women who called at his house?
There are so many peculiar people
| In the world that finally II occurs to
a man that maybe he is peculiar HIM
self
Some people are always going to
school entertainments and then COM
/ planning because they didn't have a
good time
Some men imagine they have eX-
ecutive ability because they had rather
make some one else work than work
( themselves.
Half the people don't get much
done because they are looking around
foI some one to whom they can tell
tEeir troubles.
Incidentally the man who talks a
. great deal can always find time 10 say
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1907-06-15
WOMEN HAVE SMALL BRAINS
German Doctor Examines 10000 Cases
and Reveals an Economy Of Nature.

Probably no one has made as exhaustive
a study of the comparative SIZES of mems
and wom@n's brains as Or. Reese Of Ber-
lin, who has taken the facial and skull
measurements Of 1000 yersons, including
5000 school boys and g'rls. In his obser-
vations were included Germans, Swedes,
Danes, Dutch, Bohemilns anc Swiss
lie has written a report of his deductions
for a German popular health publication
IN which he gives the advantage to men
and boys from every Df1nt OF view BOYS
have bigger brain capacity than girls he
says, in a degree which cannot De account
ed for on the general groand OF better
physical development. In fact, he confirms
conclusions reached by ther students that
from the rinth year 10 the close of school
age girls On the average are better nour-
ished and develored than boys The brains
OF well grown gir,s, however. remain in-
ferior in size 10 ~ lse 90 physically back
ward boys In the fun grown woman tho
skull and The BRAN remain on a childish
plane OF development.
The fact that school girls often seem to
reach better results than boys that their
actual accomplishments seem greater he
accounts for by the fact that they reach
maturity. the degree Of perfection Of
which they are capable, sooner than boys.
But the girl stops there while the boy
goes on for years developing and acquir-
ing and only reaches his fun power of util-
izatiou years later When he does So how
ever he has far surpassed the level to
which the girl attained IN other words,
his mental growth as compared with the
v.omans Is not unlike the development OF
his physical strength
DIR. Reese adds that, of course, hts de-
ductions apply only TO normal or average
cases. He thinks the difference I'm the
sexes is due to the fact that the principal
duty OF woman is motherhood and nature
cannot afford 70 waste on her either phys
! iCal or mental powers which are rot es-
sential 10 that function.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1907-06-15
CARVING Out the Provision.

The widow Of village grocer was in
dustriously placing the large, rosy-cheeked
apples on the top Of the diminutive shrlv-
eled ones IN the barrel when Farmer Giles
entered the establishment
II want that tub o. butter" he said,
IAN those hams, ard that lot O. sugar,
and"
1.-THE shopkeeper rubber her hands to-
gether with delight Yes, sir" she
bcamcd, delighted TO serve you, m sure.
And what else may ! supply you with?'
"Wel,' went on Mr. Giles, there's all
them bottles of tomato sauce, and them
boxes O. biscuits an'--an' all that other
stuff" he concluded, vaguely, sweeping
his hand around the shop
GOOD gracious" exclaimed the widow,
now rather alarmed, whatever do you
want with all them goOds?'
Il dunno, I'm sure was the farmers
puzzled reply, but I'm the executor OF
your late husbands Will an the lawyer S
Just told me its my duty to carry out the
provisions. I've got three hay carts wait
IN outside"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1907-06-15
Ennineer Helps Out Cook.

Eyes, that was pretty fast run we mad
On the Hummer" said Conductor Cad
smith at the Union depot recently, but
the run we made on the California special
last Thursday night was a winner We
left Bloomington forty minutes late and
when / got 10 the register book at La
Sale street we had made IL up and had
three minutes to our credit, That's goin'
some! AS i passed the diner on my way
TO the head end the cook beckoned to me
and said:
Look a-heah, boss. This yeah range
is jahed bout eight Inches outer place
count dat dah engineer man goin' round
dem curves In too big a rush
"Thc range was out Of place, all right, -
continued Smith, and when / reached the
engine / sad to the driver:
The darkey back there Is going TO
hold executive session with you because
you Jared his cookstove loose
: s." How much?' asked the engineer.
He says you knocked it eight inches
out Of place, said /.
You tell that African for me-" said
the engineer, that II he will wait till we
go back tonight III promise to give him
a ride that will put the stove back in
place and scramble his supply Of eggs in
the bargain"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1907-06-15
ULTIMATE FATE OF FISH.
They Never Die a Natural Death, Says
an Observant Fisherman.

Fish never die natural death" sail
an old fisherman who has observed as he
nshed. IF they did bodies Of dead fish
would be floating on the surface OF the
water about all the while, because such
bodies if unmolested would have to float.
Il mean, Of course, fish In nature never
die a natural death, not fish in captivity
And perhaps II should not be called nat
ural death that FISH IN captivity die. Their
environment induces mortality that fish in
their native habitat would escape, and
these causes might be properly classed as
among the accidents that carry the cap
tive fish of.
IF fish in their native element were new
er moested / believe they would never die
II they had sufficient food which would
be impossible If they no longer proved on
one another, there would be no reason for
their dying. 1t was to prevent such unin-
terrupted tenure Of life that all fish were
made ireccly predatory, If not remorse-
lessly cannibalistic as many kinds are.
"A fsh's life IL a constantly strenuous
one and one entirely selfish. A FISH lives
only to eat and to avoid being eaten"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1907-06-15
"The Blood is The Life,

Science has never gone beyond the
above simple statement of scripture. But
it has illuminated that statement and
given it meaning ever broadening with
the increasing breadth of knowledge.
When the blood is bad or impure il
is not alone the body which suffers
through disease. The brain is also
elouded, We mind and judgement are
ehected, and laany an evil deed or impure
thought YlI~be 1Gectly traced to the
impHr+sy OF the brosdS Foul impure blood
can be made-- -Qnre by The use OF DR..
Pierce,s Golden Medical Discovery. II
cArlches and -nllrlieeSl Tie blood thereby
curing, pimpleS, blotches, eruptions and
other cutaneous affections, as eczema,
letter, or salt-rheum. hives and other
manifestations Of impure blood.
@ @ @ o o O
In the cure Of scrofulous swellings. en-
larged glands, open eating ulcers. or old
sores, the Golden Medical Discovery has
performed the most marvellous cures. In
cases Of old sores, or open eating ulcers,
it is well TO apply 10 the open sores Dr..
Pierces All-Heallng Salve, which pos
used as an application to the sores In con-
junction with the use of Golden Medical
Discovery as a blood cleansing conStl-
tutional treatment If your druggist
don't happen TO have the rAll-Healing
Salve" in stock, you can easily procure IL
by inclosing ffty-four cents in postage
stamps to Or. Z. V. Pierce, GG3 Main St,
Buffalo. n. Y. and it win come TO you by
return post. Most druggists keep il as
well as the Golden Medical Discovery
q O % o o o
You can't afford to accept any medicine
of anknoicp composition as a substitute
for Golden Medical Discovery which is
medicine OF KNOWN COMPOSITION
having a complete list Of ingredients IN
plain English on its bottle-wrapper, the
same being atteSted as correct under oath
DR. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets regulate
and invigorate stomach, liver and bowels
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1907-06-15
a Lena Wait,

When Henry Labouchere was attache
at Washington an angry Br.usher came
TO the embassy and demanded to see the
British minister, says London Tit Bits
Alr Labouchere told the irote visitor that
the minister was not In.
wei" said the man angrily, II must
see him, so I shall wait tai he comes"
VERY good" responded Mr. Labcuchere
suavely, pray take a chair" He re-
sumed his writing. At the end or an hour
the visitor asked when his cxcellency
would be back
I cannot say exactly" said Mr. La
bourcheTe.
"But you expect him back?" the visitor
said
"Oh, certainly" replied Mr. Labouchere.
and again went on writing. Another hour
passed and again the visitor bounced w
and demanded If the minister was likely
to arrive within the next hour
Il think not" said Mr. Labouchere
blandly; the fact is. he sailed for Europe
on Wednesday, and can hardly have
reached Queenstown set. But, you know"
he added 70 quell the rising wrath Of the
visitor, you said you would wait TIL he
came back, and that IS why offered you
a chair
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1907-06-15

THE SOCIAL HOUR. :
t%*$%<%<<<%<$$%%%%+<%t+%%
The inverted Rake.
From Hnrner,s Weeklv.


There is a man In Pittsburg who VIII b,
married in a short while, and viii occupy
the house a few rooms of which he has
used during his bachelor days. He takes
the greatest pleasure IN showing his inti-
mate friends about the place, and is es-
pecially delighted at the establishment
they express when his own den Is
reached lie has always been a quiet, stu
dious fellow, but as reftted the room gives
the appearance OF the lounging place of a
regular rounder. There are racks of long
pipesi photographs OF actresses are stuck
about the chimney glass, a shelf Of beer
stems runs al the way around the ROOM
and few feminine gloves, haudkerchlefs
and fans are scattered about.
Great Scott, jack" the last visitor
gasped, where did you sc, this OUTFIT and
why p
Bought out college fellow" was the
compiacent reply, Just think how pleased
that dear little girl will be- when she sees
all this truck and kinks how much wick
edness she has won me away from
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1907-06-15

John Sloan, the noted illustrator and
etcher laid down a newspaper account of
the sale Of a Bouguereau for $4,000
such sales" he said, remind me of
the conversation Of old Gobsa Code and
his daughter Lotta,
Wen, dld ye buy that picter? said
Lotta, on her fathers return from a gal
lery
No, the old man answered.
why not, pop?
'Twant dear enough
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1907-06-15

Thomas y. Hueston, the champion pool.
player of the world, replied To a toast or
The Spring" at a dinner in New York
THE Spring, said Mr., Hueston has
It's joys. II has It's sorrows, too. Here is
a story:
smith was suing Joues, his next door
neighbor, for three feet Of ground which,
he claimed had been encroachei on. Jones
lawyer began Cross-eXamining him
" Now, Mr.. Smith, the lawyer said 'did
you, or did you not, ten my client last
year, that the three feet Of ground in
question belonged 10 him2
+" Permit
e" No; | permit nothing Answer my
question, yes or no. Did you tell Mr.. Jones
those three feet Of ground belonged to
him.
" Yes, ] dld,' said Smith desperately;
'3ut please remember that the month was
April and we were both working our
lawnmowers at the time.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1907-06-15

The chief cause Of Constipation and
Indigestion is 4 weakness Of the Muscles
that contract the Intesunes and Bowels.
Cascarcts are practically to the Bovei
Muscles what Massage and Cold Bath
are to the Athletic Muscles.
They stimulate the Bowel Muscles to
contract, expand, and squeeze the Diges-
tive Juices out Of food eaten.
They don't help the Bowels and Liver in
such a way as 10 make them lean up2n
similar assistance for the future.
This is why, with Cascarets, the dose
may be lessened each succeeding time
instead Of increased, as it must be with all
other Catharacs and Laxauves.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1907-06-15
John |. suIIivan,s EpIarams.

FROM the washington IlmcS
Some OF the former champions epi-
grams are these:
If you meet an obstacle in life don't
sidestep it.; straighten your right and
hand it one on the point of the jaw for
the count
The solar pleXus' is a new-fangled
name for the pit of the stomach
That's where rum gets you down for
the ten seconds OF Iife's fight. SO cut
ii out"
The ultra economic man is about as
popular as the toothache: but he's
there with the bells on when he's 80.
save your CONT
Woman makes for all that IS good
or evil in man. So If you marry a
woman who's the goods hang on TO her
and treat her right. The Referee on
high viii award you the bout when it
comes to climbing into your wooden
overcoat for keeps,'
They say a soft answer turneth
away wrath, but let me tell you there's s.
nothing like giving a fellow a good
whaling occasionally just TO keep him
from getting too Chesty. \ man feels
pretty cheap after he's been handed a
beating
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1907-06-15

Cotton Maynard, an instructor in Eng
nsh at the Cheshire academy Cheshire.
Conn, has been IN the habit for some
time OF asking the Doys in his Shakes
peare class to give appropriate titles for
the scenes IN different plays. The other
day. after reading The Merchant Of
Venice" he esked one OF the boys TO
suggest a good utle for the scene where
JessicA steals Lorenzo The boy showed
his familiarity with melodrama, if not
with Shakespeare, by answering quickly,
NO mother to guide her"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1907-06-15


trou bic without
knowing " b at it
was, and finally got
50 bad ] was given
up. The urinary
passages were pain
full. s. o tim e s
scauty and again
very profuse My
limbs fppT and an
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1907-06-15

kles hloated dreadfully. and sometimes
nay whole body. Ny heart palQtateI
and had smothering spells. a weeks
treatment with Doau's Kidney pills
helped me and a few boxes cured me.
At GS / am strong and WE'LL
Sold by all dealers 30 cents box
Foster-Milburn CO., Buffalo, \. y.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1907-06-15

4 reporter asked Senator Tillman rather
maliciously what he thought of a certain
opponents speech.
My boy said the senator, 1T was like
a fine bo,ue os champagne
Yes, murmured the reporter, rather
taken abaCk
Yes, said Senator Tinman. Lots Of
froth and very dry
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1907-06-15
The Handy Doctorin Your
Vest Pocket

TT'S a thin, round-cornered little
Enamel Box
When carried in your vest pocket
IL It means Iiealth-Insurance.
It contains Six Candy Tablets Of pleasant
taste. almost as pleasant as Chocolate.
Each tablet is working dose Of Cas-
carets, which acts Ike Exercise on the
Bowels and Liver
It will not purge, sicken, nor upset the
stomach
Because it is not a "Bile-drivsr," Ike
Salts, Sodium, Calomel, Jalap, Senna, nor
APerient Waters
Neither is it like Castor Oil, Glycerine,
or other Oily Laxatives that simply lubricato
the lntesunes fer transit Of the food stopped
UP in them AZ that particular tine.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1907-06-15
Won cam CO Allen,s Iooot-Enae FREE

Write to-day 10 Allen s. Omsted. lie Roy,
n. Y. for FREE sample Of Aliens Foot
Ease, a powder to shake into your shoes.
Ii cures tired. sweating hot swollen, ach-
Ing feet II makes new or tight shoes easy,
certain cure for Corns and Bunions. All
Druggists and Shoe Stores sell it. 25c.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1907-06-15
Gascare,s act like exercise.

II carried in yourvest pocket, (or carried
in My Lady's Purse,) and eaten just when
you suspect you need one, you will never
know sick day from the ordinary lis Of life.
Because these Ills begin in the Bowels,
and pave the way for all other diseases.
Vest Pocket box 10 cents. 737
Be sure You get genuine made only
blythe Sterling Remedy Company, and never
sold in bulk Every tablet stamped "CCC."
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1907-06-15

from the New OFk w etklNs
A litte boy was trying To ring a doorbell
but could not reach IT, A minister pass
ing by walked up to the lad and said:
Here, my boy, let me ring that bell for
you
IAN right; viii you mister?" said the
small boy, his face all d grin.
The minister rang the bell.
Now run like the devil, mister" said
the boy as he took to his heels.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1907-06-15
Evasive.

From II tGSo
young man went UP for an eXamina-
ton and was "plucked" He sent the fol-
lowing telegram to his anxious family
Examination splendid. Professors en-
thusiastic. They demand an encore"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1907-06-15

First Clubman-Why did you blackball
Goodman? You don't even know him.
Second Clubman-No, ! never spoke 70
him in my life, bat / hate him and his
whole family They live IN the fiat be-
low US, and they have corned beef and
cabbage three days a week.