The Washington herald., 1907-11-17

DeZ Trunk-that is he was only my
uncle By marriage-Was nne astrono-
mer: that's how Lucy Vale came 20
marry him. He had a big telescope.
almost five feet long. and he used 10
point her toward the moon and let peo-
pie take look through-when the nights
was right-for 5 cents a look. Lucy
was down TO New York and she'd heard
that you can see people walking about
on the moon. and. though she didn't
nave no money 10 waste fOOlishly. she
thought she'd take d look And Jabez
he wouldn't charge her anything for
looking, but he shifted his telescope
and pinted il toward Venus, the star
OF love he called 1.-THE was a poeucaI
cVss-and then he showed her the ring
around Satan. or Some such planet. and
when he asked Lucy II she could see
the ring, be told her that meant we'd
ding ring But il killed his astronomy.
oven il he did win d bride-and Lucy
was a good wife to hirn-for he had to
sell the telescope TO pay for the we'd
ding But up 10 the day Of his death
he died Of the humps in 's2-Lucy used 70
call him my husband, the eminent as
tronomer.' I wisht he was alive now 10
tell Us all about this transit affair.
Say. Job. what are these cleaning
house certificates the banks are issu-
ing7 I never heard Of en- before. ana
many's the weary day I've spent clean
ing house 1 never got no certificates.
not even when my house was as spick
and span as a new Pin. I think Il was
some scheme 70 make more money and
stop the panic. Mr. COrtelyOu's a funny
man. He says now that it's wrong TO
hoard money IN the banks. and only
a few days ago everybody was kicking
because people wanted 10 90 20 the
banks and get their money out There's
one mercy in being poor mans wife.
and that Is You don't have to worry
about losing nothing,
Il notice they haven't decided yet
whether 20 serve cocktails or butter
milk at that Bryan banquet that's 20 be
held in Washington I should think il
they can't agree they might make
compromise case out Of IL and serve
milk-shakes. then everybody'd be salts
fed. Did you notice where a car com
pany out IN the West had named one
OF its refrigerator cars The fair
banks" I don't think that's quite fair.
do you? II they can't keep their old
cars cold enough don't see what right
they've got 10 drag in the Vice Presi-
dent for. He never did nothing 20 them.
Isn't Il funny about Mayor Tom
johnson in Cleveland He says he'd
rather be mayor than President. and 1
guess they'll let him be, even II he
can't. as he says. speak no Latin or
Greek He knows English well enough
70 know what a street car transfer
stands for and that's something mat
other politicians might learn. It's Gu
riOus how everyb0dy's a going for pro-
hibition- We're getting so good that 1
shouldn't wonder If there was some
thing in that prophecy OF the DOwieites
that the world is coming 10 an end
January !. I see in St. Louis they're
even going 10 shut down on the Sunday
bOOtblacks. That's What they call surp-
tuOus laws-the things that DR.. Chan
cellor does not Ike. He says that you
cant make man be good by law. and
/ guess he's right, you can't even coax
some OF EN- 70 be good-leastways coax
ing and petting amt done much good
in your case. Why. I notice that as
We're decided 10 cut down the sale OF
whisky. here's Japan learning how 20
make the stuff suppose now that
they've taken the opium away from the
Chinese. Japan is going 10 supply EN-
with something worse That sake stuff
they drink was bad enough, but what
they'll Go when they get 20 drinking
whisky. laws only knows.
I m strongly in favor Of the butchers
in their complaint about stamping the
meat tel you it's terrible. bought
a chuck steak tAe other day and I didn't
notice till I got il home that on one
side Of IL in blue letters was stamped
Guaranteed Under the Pure Food Law,
No f-1i-2S- Duly Inspected tried 10
wash 1t OF, but il was lndeIib!e ink.
the same as I used for marking your
stockings. and it wouldn't come Of.
even scrubbed IL with hand saDoiio so
that even the gravy tasted soapy when
il came 10 table and I couldn't get il
out cooked Il any how and The
blue lettering al turned TO white and
stood I'D in raised letters. so for very
shame's sake had 10 cut the piece out
OF the steak. and when We served il AZ
table little Emily wanted 10 know IL the
dog had got at the meat. It's humHiat-
ing. that's what it IS. II the govern
ment wants 70 stamp something why
don't it stamp the butchers
I think the governments doing TOO
much. anyway in this investigating
way. noticed the other day where
they took the human body and analysed
It and only found three ounces of sugar
in It. I bet il was the body OF some
mean mani said some mean man.
Job, some man who promises his lawful
welded wife that he'll be home AT
decent hour and doesn't show Up til
midnight. and then pretends 70 be so
sleepy that he won't even sit I'd for a
little rational conversation. Job. Job,
Don't tell me you're sleepy, I know
better.
''Oh. Job. don't go TO sleep. I was
just enjoying your talk so much. Do
sit up and tell about this new disease,
mydedermera. or something like that;
you get IL from handling paper money.
Thank heavens. the next time I get one
Of them patent medicine pamphlets de-
scribing your symptoms. there's one
disease III be sure 1 haven't got And
1 want 10 know about the Kaiser visit
ing England and about the Grant me
mortal. and the trees, and the Russian
DOuma. and oh. ever so many things.
Job. Don't go TO sleep I'm just going
TO slip into the next room and turn
little Haley over and see II he rattles
any more. I'm so afraid those prune