Arizona republican., 1907-01-21
MIR. DOOLEY DIPLOMACY
BY +. p. DUNE


through which he was thrown. TIL
Fr-rinch ambassadure may go home an
his governmint is negotyatin' with a
prominent handball player. TIL Swed-
ish gorevnmint will make an attimpt
to have Hackenschmitt riprisint Swed-
en- at Wash'nton. Last night tn prisi-
dint was in an especially jolly mood
at tn diplomatic RECEPTION. where he
showed tn British ambassadure a new
thrip. 1t wint off very well. TIL am
bassadure on'y said: My word as
he sat down on an andiron. TIL Eye
Italian ambassadure is lookin' very
gloomy after an unsuccessful attimpt
to teach tn president a new game OF
cats cradle. Tn prisidint said it wud
be all right if We used wire cable an
whoiver lost hand lost tn game too.
He is determined to establish closer
relations with tn South American
republics an he has challenged tn
dark-hued diplomats to a grand ras-
slim match. whin he will take thin all
on at wanst. TIL ministers iv Chile.
Peru, Argentine, Brazil, Uruguay, an
Iowadoor have hurriedly left town.
TIL Turkish minister has asked to be
relieved an have his head cut Off, He
says he prefers TO die at home. TIL
prisidint is very much pleased at tn
appintmint of Oscar tn Rooshyan
Joynt as ambassadure firm Rooshya-
He thinks he can make wan hundred
an eighty pounds be tn time tn rip
risintative iv tn Car prisints his Gre
dintials.
so We see, Hinnissy, tits no aisy
thing fr tn spilled darlin' ~ Europeen
coorts to do business around Wash'n-
ton. Who's this new ambassadure firm
tn home iv that part ~ our Anglo-Sax-
on race that hasn's got its vote count
ed yet. He's a fine English gintleman
iv tn old school, firm tn north iv
Ireland. A good man. He's what they
call a Liberal in England. A Liberal
in England is a man who believes in tn
same things that radical men in this
country believe in like J. Pierpont
Morgan or Andrew Carnaygie. He's
in favor iv takin' tn poor mans money
away firm tn arrystocracy an givin' it
to tn plain rich.
Il don't know what his qualifications
f'r tn job ARE. He looks pretty old 10
me f'r a gymnast. He's a book man
an that's bad. l niver knew amy wan
bye Teddy that cud thrain FIR a foot
race on lithrachoor. What did this
la-ad write, says we He wrote a book
wanst that Hogan read, called TIL
American Common Wealth He'll find
n great deal more wealth whin he
comes over an if he goes to New York
an stays at a fash'nable hotel he'll
see that it's just as common as liver II
was / don't know whether it's a good
book or bad. l niver read it. Hogan
says tbs full iv information about that
there dOcymint that railroad prisidints
an great n-nanceers have become so
much INTERESTED in iv late. tn what
d'ye-call-it?-th' constitution. There
amt railroad prisidint in this coun-
thry that hasn't declared: Now that
ye call me attintion to it, l wud lay
down me life fr tn dear old cOnstitu-
ton. 1 like especially tn paragraph
which says: Hands off our stout rail-
road prisidints, nations pride" Me
frind Hartman is in tears over tn out
RACES on tn constitution an is thinkin'
iv leavin' tn country an givin' away
all his hard. even tough-earned, mon
ey Jim Stillman rather thin see tn
constitution maltreated be subpoeny
sarvers is gOin' abroad without amy
flourish iv thrumpets. but undher an
assumed name. But if l was tn new
British ambassadure tits tn cOnstitu
ton iv Teddy Rosenfelt I'd keep me eye
on. That's tn On'y wan that don't need
protection for tn JUDICIARY.
But, anyhow, what difference does
il make at all? Sure, who cares who's
ambassadure? Nanny years ago twas
a divvle iv a job. TIL ambassadure
was a part iv his own country thrans-
planted. Wherever he wint he was a
walking United States iv America. If
amy wan asked him what tn policy iv
his country was his answer was: L
make it up as / go along 1t took
about a year FIR him to rapport amy
thing he had done an another year
to get tn repToof back, so he led free
an riOchous life, declared war, punch
ed prime ministers in tn eye. an gin
rally misbehaved himsilf, an no wan
at home cared what he did. Be tn
time they knew anything about it il
was old news an he was up to some
other devilment.
But now how is it? Sure an am
bassadure is about as vallyable as a
tillyphont op'rator. He has to make
tn connections an If he listens or cuts
in he's fired. He's a messenger, an a
slow wan firm wan gOvernmint to an
other. He goes up to a king with a
sealed envelope an hands ii TO him with
tn remark: Sign here That night,
maybe. a man raps at his dure an
says: Are We tn fellow that brought
tn message this mOrnln'? I am says
tn ambassador, hitchin' on his soord.
Then I've come to tell We TO pack
ye'er thrunk an go on tn tight fifty
five. Ye're benighted governmint has
asked us to come outside if we dare
an we've wired thin that we dare
Il heerd Hogan say there was talk
in tn English pa-apers iv goin' to war
with us about Japan" said Mr.. Hen
messy. I'D lige TO see it. Dye think
they will?"
"Th' English pa-apers," said Mr..
Dooley, like our own ARE conducted
be renowned warryors. But, do We think
if there was on'y wan butcher shop
in tn city I'd thry to wreck it?'
-Sp
FOR OVER SIXTY TEARS.
Mrr. winslov'1 Soothing syrup mas been
used for children teething. It soothes the
child, softens the gums. allays all pain.