New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1907-07-10
The TERROR'S DINNER
3RattIesnakes on Toast" Was
the Cowboys Order.
BUT HE MET WITH HIS MATCH

The Promptness With Which the
Tough Waiter Served the Dish Took
the Terror's Nerve Away-The Re-
past and the Final Request.
Away back in 1876 a man named |
Turpin established a restaurant in
Yuma, and among Turpin's original
was waiter named Job |
Straight, who could shoot with great
precision, play draw poker with un-
varying success and pack eighteen
plates Of miscellaneous grub upon one
bare arm at one time. He could exc
cute all the prevailing melodies either
on piano OF guitar, and he possessed
the most tremendous baritone voice
ever heard in Arizona Why, men some
times went to Turpin's just to hear Joe
deliver gastronomic orders. No per-
feet description can be given Of that
voice, however, except Ito say. that at
times it really did make things clatter.
Once a fresh young cowboy from
near ella Bend entered Turpin's for a
connection as an appetizer and then
dropped thud-like at a table and rough
" shouted to Straight:
"Say, there, Badly! Bring me some
grub!'
Job was at first appalled,; but, recov-
ering his reserve limit Of equanimity.
he brushed an imaginary breadcrumb
from the frescoed tablecloth and
whisked bill Of fare from the varie-
gated castor and placed it before the
new young terror of the Bend.
"Take it away" cried the latter in
tones that could give Straight's ordi-
nary, everyday baritone castle and
checkmate it in five moves. II don't
want to read your darned old tract.
/ don't care darn who came into the
world to save sinners. Bring me some
grub grub! Grub! Grub! Grub!''
What do you want?''
'Rattlesnakes on toast! And want
you to hump yourselfv'
whats thaty'
"I've given my order, you baldheaded
old cigar store sign, and / want you to
get q move on yourself, p. d. q. Rattle
snakes on toast!"
"Rattlesnakes on toastv' cried Job to
the cook in accents that would have
paralyzed Carl Formes had that old
basso profundo been living and heard
them.
''Rattlesnakes on toastr' was the re-
verberating response from the cook
upon receiving the order.
There were dozen or more people In
the restaurant, and their eyes were at
once turned on the young person from
the Bend and the Infatuated waiter.
In the meantime the cook had taken
big catfish and cut it into four strips
and rolled these strips in batter, so
that they much resembled the Wand or
dered, and after placing them in the
frying pan he stuck his head out of the
kitchen and shouted to Job:
"You want them rattlers rare or we'll
done?"
The waiter repeated the interrogatory
in cyclonic way, and the terror re-
piled in as violent tone and manner
as he could command, "Well done, with
plenty Of gravy and Chill Colorado"
And then Job Numbered to the cook:
"Well done, with plenty Of Chill Colo
RADIO, hot as -, and moccasin gravy
on the side and brochettes Of sand
crane livers and ella monster Hghts!'
There was an instantaneous1y dead
silence in that restaurant, and all eyes
were again cast upon the terror and
the waiter. The former turned ashen
pale and began to weaken perceptibly,
while Job gazed at his victim.
Maybe you don't think we can serve
all the market Affords muttered Job.
maybe you don't like moccasin gravy
or brochettes a la mode. Maybe you
amt hungryp
"Say! You've got mel amt hungry,
so help me- 1 couldn't eat a single hard
boiled egg. Countermand that burned
order, old man, and I'll pay all ex-
penses and set 'em up as long as any
body can drink. Beg pardon, gentle
men, all Ny first attempt to be ter
ror-pardon me, gentlemen. It's my
last!'
And then he handed his revolver to
Job and added:
flake that pistol, old man, as a
present and promise me that the next
time any burned fool comes in here
and calls for rattlesnakes on toast
i you'll shoot him deadv'
i But Straight was too raving mad all
the way through to willingly emerge
from situation only tolerably tri-
umphant. So he took the weapon just
as the order was being placed on the
table and, pointing it at the terror.
exclaimed:
Now, then, my boy, dump yourself
into that chair and eat them snakes
bones, skin and allv'
The young fellow did as he was COM
handed, but after finishing his repast
staggered the incorporating Job by
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