The Republican journal., 1907-01-24

that we have not learned from books,
study. or observation. There have
been but limited few since the Crea-
tion who really knew something that
no one else knew. You don't believe it?
Well, let us see. I'll take myself to
illustrate my idea, and, while do not
claim to be very bright, think know
enough to go in when it rains. l get
up in the morning. say morning
for have been told SOL look at my
watch and say, "'Tis seven O'clock"
How do l know? l have been taught
that when the hands are in certain
position it is seven o'clock. The door
bell rings and the census man is there.
He asks my name. I know what it is
because my mother told me, long, long
years ago. My age? l give it, for
somebody wrote it in the Bible. 60
to my place of business; what do [
know about insurance that every other
insurance man does not know? Moth
ing. II | am lawyer, all l know is
what some one else has found out and
put in books for my benefit. If am
business man, it is the same. My
knowledge of figures is all acquired,
my writing the same, my method of
transacting business just like every
other merchant on the street. If am
mechanic, my use of tools is all
taught me. cannot advance thought
or idea that somebody else has not ad-
vanced before, and so 60 all through
the day, and when | have finished and
laid down to rest, what one thing have
l said or done that is absolutely my
own? And can any of you show a
much better record? When great
thoughts like these enter into me,
they work and swell and fill my being,
and l feel as if l had swallowed
yeast cake. Really and confidentially,
| don't know as much as an animal. |
should not want this fact to be general
ly known but my cat knows more than
| do. Put us both in a bag, carry us in
many places within ten miles of home,
deprive me of speech or means of COM
municating, and | could not find my
way home to save my life. But my
cat, she would stick her tail up in the
air, give VOW, and in thirty minutes
by the watch, would be lying under the
stove warming herself. In the ages
past few people have discovered all
we now know, and yet we sit up and
think We aye somebody. How Calico
and Pythagoras and Herschel, and
Isaac Newton, and some of those old
has must smile when they look
down and see US all appropriating
their ideas just as though they were
our own, now that the copyright has
expired. These are not particularly
happy thoughts, but when we sit down
Sobery, and we cannot think very
clearly unless we are sober,-it has a
tendency to take the conceit out of us.
Once in a while in our own times some
body pops up with something new. l
am not forgetting such men as Edison,
Graham, Bell, Marconi, the author of
the Stuggis bill, and the inventor of
bridge whist, nor that last claimant
for public distinction, Mrs. Maria
Storer, who claims to have discovered
Theodore Roosevelt and made him
President of the United States. Maria
will be remembered when Carrie
Nations Ratchet is forgotten. There
out; as, for instance, "Who struck
Billie Patterson and why does re-
volvng office chair always twist and
screw itself down, so that every time
you use it you have to unscrew it five
or six inches. But | have depressed,
and would have wandered from my
subject so far, if | had had one, that |
fear l should have been unable to get
back again without assistance. | was
speaking few minutes ago of the calls
that were made on me for different
things. To show you the extent of my
repertoire, which would tax the YER
satility ola brighter man than l am, |
will give few examples of what have
been called upon to do, and how poor
ly did my task.
One day a gentleman asked me to
give him testimonial on a Wart cure
he manufactured | had used the rem
edy with good success and wanted to
give him what | thought was first
class puff, but, strange to say, he
wouldn't use it, and was little Offend
ed, | thought, at what he termed my
levity. This is what l wrote for him:
''Dear Sir. After living spotless life
for many years l discovered quite
spot on my head, which was smaller
than hens egg, the spot, not the head,
which proved to be Wart. | don't
mean my head was wart, but the spot.
/ made two or three applications of
your 'Wart Cure" and the wart was
gone. There was no pain or soreness
during the decease of the wart. |
think your cure will remove anything
uudV 10 ltou ldiiCu uoN IL VI uuu6I
protection. Very truly yours, etc.
| settled up a life insurance policy
not long ago, and the agent thought the
settlement an unusually good one for
me, and wanted me to write him let
ter to publish in pamphlet he was get
ting out for advertising his company.
Fortunately, | hit the nail on the head
with him, as I afterwards saw fac
smile of the letter, with my signature
attached, among collection of promi-
nent letters, and this is what said to
him:
My Dear Sir: Some years ago, in
moment Of sanity, 1 got measured for a
fifteen payment life policy in your COM
pany. The policy had fifteen year
dividend period in it, and several OPP
tions at the end of that time. This is
about all l remember regarding the
policy, except that was obliged to
cough up certain sum each year to
settle my premium. I remember this,
because | always wanted that money
to pay the coal bill with, and I wished
l had got insured in the summer, or
some season when | didn't need any
money. For fifteen years this incubus
hung over me, and then there was
CLEAN of sunshine through the cloud.