The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-07-17

HE WAS A SHORT. ONE STORY NAN"
bein' unsettled by a sartin thing, but ]
have kept quiet to see how far 1t would
go. l feel dat de time has now come
when l orter say sunthin'.
"A few weeks ago a cull'd individual
named Skookem arrove we're from de
staff Of Alabamy. He was a short,
one story nan He had a squint to his
left eye. When you was lookin' at his
feet, it was hard to tell which was de
heel and which was de foot. He had
a voice TO- times too big for his body.
and he kept dat voice gwine all de
time.
Professor SkOokem. as he called his
self, called at my cabin and purceeded
to make hisself at home. He wanted
my permishun to deliber a lecture be-
TO dis club on de subjick of transmit
grashun. He went on and repeated 1t
to me. and l declined to grant 1t, spe-
Of de lecture. a compound warranted to
smooth de kinks out Of de ha'r at de
pric" of 81 a bottle. To get even wild
me he hired an old icehouse and has
been givin' his talks to all of you who
would drop IN to hear him.
II have been lookin' around for de
last half hour to e how many kinks
had been Strengthened out. have
been told dat de professor has worked
of ober fifty bottles on members of
dis club. 1t don't seem to have done
any good. Darn just as many kinks
as befo'. Hasn't pulled de wool of any
OF You out straight. II l have ODER
looked any one he will please stand
up"
No One Stood. Up.
No one had been overlooked. At
least no n stood up. There was a
shamefaced look on most every coun-
tenance, and Elder Toots and Tarheel
Jones pretended to nod in sleep behind
the stove.
Yes, de professor told you all about
transmigrashun. He told you dat lie
old idea bout heaven and hell was en-
ploded and dat all hustlers had now
come to believe dat when a person
died he cum back to airth in de form
of some animal or bird or some mani
mate thing. Sich of you as don't know
de meanin' OF de word inanimate kin
stop arter de meetin' adjourns, and l
will explain it. If his heels hit de
ceilin' while l am explainin', he
mustn't blame me.
"FOr de last three weeks Watermill-
won 1pnaS has not showed IN ot nvlr
weekly meetin's. He has stayed home
to put dat compound on his kinky ha'r
and bekase he was afraid dat he might
git run ober by a street klar and come
back to airth in de form of a yaller
dawg. When he thought of bein' a val
lar dawg and havin' tin cans tied to
his tail and bein' rushed up and down
de street he got sich a pain dat be
had to go to bed.
Oars de ease Of Samuel Shin. He
believes In tranSmiSraShun right up to
his ears. and for days and days he's
bin walkin' around on tiptoe for fear
dat Il gas tank would blow up and
knock him into a cooked hat and dat
he'd come back to airth as a mud tur-
tie. What he'd like to be is a peacock.
but he's mortally afraid dat 1t Will be
mud turtle instead. He's thought It
over till he finds hisself stickin' his
head outer his shell to look around.
"Br,idder Buckeye Johnson has also
got it bad. His wife was ober to my
cabin Je odder night to borry a draw
in Of tea. and she said she'd left hin,
home wild shivers runnin' up his back.
For two weeks he's expected the post
office to fall down and bury him in DE-
ruins as he vas passin'. He's like to
come back to airth and he Il %rhinoccros
and knock folks endways and 20 snort
in about. hut he fears dat it will I've rs
Il mewl. In dat case he'll have to work
cherry day III de week. which Is sun
thin he has nebter done in all his life.
and he reckons on G!ttin' cluhhed hy
his owner at 'sast twice n day, He