The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-09-29
rnnnrirl1f

first stepped into full growth?'
 1 asked Red Saunders. No? Well, than your luck for the past, and put your faith in me for the future, We've got lots of time, nothing better to do and l feel just like relatin history. When a man tells about the days of his youth or that dog he once had, said man ain't aimin' at gettin' rid of it quick. Nay. fair friend, he wants 10 roll 1t under his tongue; to let her ripple forth in sections between smokes, because. for one thin he's got to manufacture it. But of course, what 1 tell is strictly true-you have my word for il. Like Bud Simpson and the bank cashier.
 - want one thousand dollars says Bud The cashier he laughs the 'ha-ha" of the man that knows and says on wtlat?'
 :" On my word says Bud.
 Whats your word? scoffs the sneerin cashier.
 " My word is that this gun goes off if l don't get it. says Bud.
 " A soft answer turneth away wrath, says the cashier, taka da mon, so what 1 say is true, because I'm larger than you are. Bud paid back the money. and maybe there's streak of facts in my lt- tie game of talk.
 Well, it started with two ladies' y In the little, white painted New England town that's going to proudly claim the honor of being my birthplace some day there lived Miss Mehitabel .Demlt and Miss Mary Ann McCracken, besides some other folks. Miss Mehitabel was the quietst. kindest Ii, le old maid mouse of a woman you ever did see. but Miss Mary Ann was roarer, a full-rigged pirate ship with a dark cloud of trouble in the nff hn had I.--, ,l I,t, like d hired man.
 Miss Mehitabe taught Sunday school, and put lots of faith in man, in spite of the neglect that was obvious in her title. Miss McCracken, she drove d milk wagon because she had no faith in man whatesoever and she was a seoffer from Scoffersburg
 --iss Mehitabel was 'Hitty' to the Vil- lage, but l never heard of anybody call ing Miss McCracken anything but Mary Ann-if you'd seen her glarin out of them iron specks of hers, her gray hair standin' straight up, and her mouth drawed across her face like a fence wire, you'd realize Mary Ann wasn't playful in her habits. More'n that she was the only human being l ever met who did just exactly what she sweetly pleased, without regard to age, sex, place or reason
 "Once a misguided man broke into her
 
 O.. lady was miser with a stocking full of wealth. And she got him. When the mournful hired man arrived there was two hundred pounds of Mary Ann sitting on the thiefs back with one gentle hand lovingly coiled in his hair You PeteP says Mary -Ann, git me a bed slatu
 That feller'll kill you. if 1 don't help says the mournful man.
 Want me to let go of him and take holt of eI,a slat? So the mournful man cantered out and brought a bed slat.
 Now says Mary Ann you will come bustin' into peoples houses, will you? We'll "whack," I'll "whack" teach yoA "whack" that that "whack, whack, whack.' ain't manners. Then came a sound like pack of fire crackers.
 Now says the old lady travel And that thief wasn't man that had to be asked twice.
 You sh' d "a had i'm arrested, says the mournful man, but Mary Ann raised the slat, and the discussion was closed
 Miss Hitty dressed to represent about sixteen. She had ribbons and streamers fioatin' free, but a kinder nor better woman never lived. Them young clothes stood for all she dreamt of Give the dreams the goby and the race was over for Miss Hitty. Feathers fly in and ribbons Streamin'. She made herself believe she was still in the run ning-without 'em. She knew only too well what it was to be a homely, long nosed, forsaken old maid. I don't blame her particle. Her finery stood to her like whisky to a busted man. A trifle gay for the folks in fathers church was Miss Hitty yet they didn't dast to say a word. She belonged to one of our best families, and her broth er-in-law, who could be the ungodliest man under provocation you ever guess ed at, held a mortgage on the church. He thought a heap of Miss Hitty and he'd have dumped the whole church outfit into the snows of winter with out carin' once about it if they hadn't used her right. So they overlooked things and gave her the Bible class to run. Mighty nice to us boys she was she certainly was. I scarcely remem- Der any one with pleasanter feeling. No nonsense at all to the boys-a curious mix of a harmless little critter. part child and part good horse sense woman. The woman carried her place all right, but the child couldn't stand the pain of it. Miss Hitty took us boys along a gentle path, full of faith and kindlness.
 Now. Miss Mary Ann McCracken used to roar aloud at the very men tion of fathers church. One person she really IoVeu ana tnat was my mothe CT. As for my father-well, he was a huge, stark. bigboney man, honest and sensible in most ways, but his firm belief was that to be pleased with anything was the first step on the downward path. Lord! One look into his eyes would take all the spring out of a grassh opper He whaled me for the sins of the entire world, I reck on, and he must have weighed on mothers heart-like the truth of some awful dream. She bein' fond of flowers, dogs, cats, horses, music. peoIge, sun light, human kindness and laughter. Iaughterl Well. I'll never forget one Sunday when the sermon was about a Mrs. Jael. She took in one of the enemy, fed him fine, and, while he was asleep, grabbed a hammer and a rail- road spike and nailed him to the floor by his head. Whilst l was revolving