davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1888-1908, 1907-08-31

If some kind humanitarian will in
vent breed OF scratches chickens,
the neighbors will erect a monument
40 feet high to his very honored mem
DRY.
Sometimes it makes a lot of differ
ence whose relatives are visiting at
the house
If George Washington was the ia.
Their of his country, Uncle Sam must
be his brother. This makes Uncle By
a child of Uncle SANDWICH seems to
be according to Hoyle, all right
1t is unlucky to be refused on Fri.
day by young lady with money.
Even the girl who looks like a poem
may be rejected during leap year.
Some men fall in love with an heir
ess at first sight of her bank account
The hobo and the man who play
the bass drum, beat their way through
life.
The sane Fourth will be as insane
as ever. Note the prediction.
One nice way to get flies out of the
diningroom is to open the parlor door
and go calling.
l am having a scuttle hole left in
the top of my new house so that my
friends who call in air-ships can
drop in.
Broad-brimmed hats are a great bar
to kissing It's funny, too, to see two
young ladies meet, try to kiss, knock
each others hats about and come to-
gether in a wild mix-up of millinery
and flying hair.
Many a woman who looks self-made
is merely tailor-made
1t isn't always a compliment to have
cigar named after you. The safe
plan is to try the cigar before consent
Ing. n. B. If the cigar is good, try
a box b. C.
Free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1888-1908, 1907-08-31

1t is blessed secret, this living bv
the day. Anyone can carry his burden.
however heavy, until nightfall Any
one can live sweetly, patiently, loving
ly and purely until the sun goes down,
and this is all life really means to US
just one little day. ''Do to-day's duty;
tight to-day's temptations and do not
weaken and distract yourself by look
ing forward to the things you cannot
see, and could not understand if YOU
saw them" God gives US nights to
shut down the curtain of darkness on
our little days We cannot see beyond.
Short horizons make life easier and give
us one of the blessed secrets of brave.
true, holy living. Ebert Hubbard.
Free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1888-1908, 1907-08-31

The first ''corn stories" of the sea
son seem to come from Logan county.
We clip the following from the Oakley
Graphic; it is one of two good yarns
told in those parts. Peter Light, who
purports to be the narrator, is an un-
Gle of Prof. Light of this city.
Peter Light says that his corn is a
little too thick in some parts of the
field, so he has been making some pin
money by cutting down the smallest
sucker sprout, and saving them up in
to railroad ties. He shipped a dozen
or two nice, traight stalks three weeks
old, to Ringing Bros. for tent poles.
Free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1888-1908, 1907-08-31

a Lemon club with several hundred
members was launched at Mcpherson
last week. They are E. q. Marks
down there. Here is how the mem
bers are taken in: friend asks you
for dime, and not suspecting the trick
you hand over and in return are pre-
sented with the card on which is print
ed Thanks Mr.. E. 2. Mark for the
dime, you are now member of the
Lemon Club and are entitled to get
your money as got mine. Lindsborg
News.
Free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1888-1908, 1907-08-31

The ''official county paper" said in
its last issue that the Gulf, Plainville
d Northern Railroad had not paid its
advertising and other bills which they
hold against it. Patsy Deane, one of
the directors of the road, informs US
authoritively that the statement is al
together erroneous, as the said railroad
has never had any work done at the
News office.
Free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1888-1908, 1907-08-31
Notice for Publication, No. 1872
Department of the Interior, U. S. Land
Office Cnlh,- K ansaS Arn 1nnsz

Department of the Interior, U. S. Land
Office Colby, Kansas, Aug IS, 1907.
Notice is hereby given that Sidney LAW
RENEE of Turkville, Kansas, has fled notice
OF his intention to make final five-year proof
in support of his claim, viz: Homestead en-
try No. 262S7, made Aug. 20, 1902 for the
SHSWH of section 20, township II south,
range is w: and that said proof viii be
made before the Probate Judge Of Ellis coun-
1907.
He names the following witnesses to
prove his continuous residence upon and
cultivation of said land. viz:
Frank Meier, Oliver Davis both of
Hays P. O Ks, c. a. Reed and Isaac
Smith, both of Turkville Pc. all of Kan
sas.
JOHN THOMAS, Register.
az4-s 20
Free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1888-1908, 1907-08-31

The story is told that Kansas bust
ness man was asked to say grace and
responded with the following: Thank
ing you for past favors and requesting
a continuance of your patronage, am
yours truly. Sedgwick Paragraph.
Free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1888-1908, 1907-08-31

A man went into a drug store and
inquired the price of sulphur. '"Ten
cents pound" said the druggist. 81
can get it of Montgomery Ward & Co.
for seven cents" Eyes, and you can
go to hell and get it for nothing re
piled the angry druggist. Pointers
Free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1888-1908, 1907-08-31
Strumminus.

A pusher will beat kicker to the
goal any old time.
Borrowing money, frequently, is
hard, but paying it back often is
harder,
If you would make others believe in
your wisdom, be BRIEF.
When a bashful young man finally
musters up enough courage to kiss a
pretty girl, he is Disguised with him
self for having neglected his oppor-
tunities
Free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1888-1908, 1907-08-31

The mayor and two of the concilmen
of Hays own automobiles. There is
probably no town in the state, west of
Salina, which can make as good a
showing.
Free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1888-1908, 1907-08-31
Copyright: 1901: By Byron Williams.


Selling Lemonade.
Fourth of July Stub and Me run a
Bill wuz thee ''Yeller' and Fat wuz thee
Band!
we shocked sum boards frum thee back
OF our shed,
trimmed it with bunting-sum Blue and
sum Red!
Ma let us take a big Gar and we maid
Slathers of Fourth of July LEMONADE!
"LEMo. SWEET LEMo! CUM UP"
hollered Bill.
"this is the phase git kool if yew will!''
Then while Fat footed his Horn offul
loud,
stubbie and Me kept a swining thee
crowd.
we wuz a selling thee Drinks purity fast
when thee PARADE cum a hipering
past!
first thing we knowed Fat wuz tagging
thee BandI
Stubbie sneeked from thee back of thee
stand.
mi! how / worked in the vertikal beet
selling thee lemonaid, sparkling and
sweet!
Bill woodn't help me , dish up Glass:
sed that his job wuz yell as they'd pass!
next thing the RAGMUFFINS cum intew
view!
Billy he scooted away with them 2.
1 couldn't run thee hole bizness, by
Kraut,
80 gist drinked what wuz left and lit
out!
down on thee Square wuz thee Kids by
the Band
"yew are nice felIers." SEE i. FER a
Standn'
then stubbie asst me how much had we
maid
selling thee Fourth of July lemonaid?
What dew yew think Of him acting that
way
leeving his Job and then asking fer pay?
Fat sed, 'yew hat divide er git
whipped!
Then every won of them fellers gist
STRIPPED!
well, desided 2 fife woodn't pay
ii wuz Full of thee Drinks anyway
so gist give them a nickel SEE i:
Let us knot fife on thee Fourth of JULY"
Yew watch me lay fer this smart Mr..
Fat
he will git licked a FINISH fer that!
Free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1888-1908, 1907-08-31

The difference between ball player
who plays for the grand-stand and one
who does motifs oft-times the difference
between poor and good player.
Free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1888-1908, 1907-08-31

A subscriber wrote to the Cove Co.
Gazette last week and had his paper
changed to Jericho. He has the adj
vantage over most of US who have to
get our mail in unholy lands.
Free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1888-1908, 1907-08-31

There's an old proverb which says,
"Oil and truth will get uppermost at
last" Right at present Standard Oil
and Truth are having mortal combat
with odds favoring the latter
Free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1888-1908, 1907-08-31
Editorial Gossip
sosoesOOsosOOoossooos"ess

Isn't it about time for someone to
agitate the question of the new foot
ball rules?
Free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1888-1908, 1907-08-31

Hays City was partly washed away
by flood a few weeks ago and now
an Uncle Tom show is about to infest
that unfortunate city. Lacrosse Chief
tain.
Sad, but true! And the old "Uncle
Tom Show" has came and has went
and we still roll round with the terres-
tial ball.
Free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1888-1908, 1907-08-31

According to the calendar, Summer
is over to-day, but the calendar doesn't
say anything about the weather.
Free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1888-1908, 1907-08-31

Some people who go to church seem
to have an idea that the preacher Is
talking to the gallery.
Free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1888-1908, 1907-08-31
On the Bier WAGON.

Frank Young. who used TO work for
Baker, the brewery agent. is now
driving Carson's hearse when occasion
demands.-Claremont IN. ID Sun.
Free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1888-1908, 1907-08-31

Just before dollar wheat is quoted,
a lot of keen farmers will unload and
break the market. Home Rule.
Free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1888-1908, 1907-08-31
Exchange Notes



The record of local ball teams always
occupies the first column, front page,
of the Sedgwick Paragraph.
An exchange tells of neighboring
pastor Who addressed his congregation
in this manner: Brethren, the janitor
and l will have our weekly prayer
meeting next Thursday as usual. -
Lindsborg News.
Over at Rexford the otherd day accord
ing to the News fellow stole thirteen
bottles of beer off the ice and was haul
ed up before the police magistrate.
The judge refused to prosecute the
thief on the ground that it takes twen-
ty-four bottles to make a case. Oak
ley Graphic.
Mr.. Picken has beed engaged to teach
the Dorrance school. We congratulate
the school district on its excellent choice.
A good many sentimental stories are
told and published on Buffalo Bills
first love-" that are too waterlogged
to swim well. We were acquainted
Cody in Leavenworth during the war,
and we always fourd his first love to
be glass of whiskey. Please give US
rest; we're tired. -Twenty-ye
items in Russell Record.
Free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1888-1908, 1907-08-31
Paper Prices.

The price of paper under the paper
mill trust has so advanced that there
is left to the average daily newspaper
publisher no margin whatever of pro-
fit. The subscriber to the average
daily pays less for his printed pages
than he would have to pay for the
blank paper. The outrage and burden
is on the publisher. Wichita Eagle.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1907-05-15

The Lexington county dispensary
board at its session Monday decided
to establish a ,disp ,nsary at Brook
land on July first, despite the strong
opposition that was made by many of
the men, women and children of that
progressive little city. We regret
very much that the board took an
opposite view and decided to estab-
Ksh the institution, for it is entirely
out Of line with the first intentions of
the dispensary system, which was to
decrease the sale Of Intoxicating liq-
uors, instead of increasing the liquor
trafc. We greatly sympathize with
these good people who were so anx-
ious not to have the ~dispensary thrust
upon them, and we would console
them with the gseat consolation,
ssThat truth and justice crushed to
earth will surely rise again"
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1907-05-15

Cole L. Blease, of Newberry, In an
interview with a representative OF the
Augusta Chronicle, declared that the
present dispensary law is farce, n
that there will be a change mace az
the meeting of the next legislature.
Mr.. Blease asserted, however, that
the State dispensary, with the proper
safe guards against graft, is the best
solution in the world for the handling
OF the liquor trafc, but if we can't
get the State ~dispensary he is in favor
Of prohibition. This is a pretty good
s;gn that it will not be long before
South Carolina will have prohloltlon'
for, as a matter of fact, the State dls-
pez.sary is dead-foreverdeadln sou1n
Carolina, and we believe, like Senator
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1907-05-15

tEFa-ZEN-E .Er1.
tits hardly necessary, we think,
TO caution the people living in the
proposed territory OF the new county
of Edisto. The Dispatch has time and
time again pointed out the disadvant-
ages that would certainly be derived
from forming such a county. The
lire win have to be established and it
is well for these good citizens to be on
thelookout for all "catch-as-they-can''
sehemers, who will do their best to
fool the people into making this
change. We are satisfied that when
the proper time comes, the propo-
sition will meet the same defeat as
the ST. Mathews schemers met 1.-THE
Sandy Run meeting two weeks ago.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1907-05-15
Cures Blood, Skin Diseases, Cancer
Greatest Blood Purifier Free.

If your blood is impure, thin, diseased,
hot or full of humors, if you have blood
poison, cancer carbuncles, eating sores,
scrofula, eczema, itching, risings and
bumps, scabby, pimply skin, bone pains,
catarrh, rheumatism, or any blood or
skin disease, take Botanic Blood Balm
(B. B. B. Soon all sores heal, aches
and pains stop and the blood is made
pure and rich. Druggists or by express
81 per large bottle. Sample free by
writing Blood Balm Co., Atlanta, Ga.
B. B. B. is especially advised for chronic,
deep-seated cases, as it cures after all
else fails. Sold in Lexington, S. g.. by
Derrick's Drug store and Kaufman
Drug Co.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1907-05-15
Killed Him In Bed,

Huntsville, Ala, May t2-Angered;
because her son-in-law Frank Albright
had come home intoxicated, and had
driven his family away from homes,
Mrs. Matte Conally Killed the man as
he lay in his bed in a drunken stupor-
The event occurred at Maysville last
night, and Mrs. Conally was lodged in
Jail today charged with murder.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1907-05-15
WINTHROP COLLEGE
Scholarship and Entrance
Examination.

The examination for the award Of
vacant Scholarships in Winthrop Col
lege and for the admission OF new
students will be held at the County
Court House on Friday, July 5, at 9
a. m. Applicants must be not less than
fifteen yea of age. When Scholarships
are vacated after July 5, they will be
awarded to those making the highest
average at this examination, provided
they meet the conditions governing the
award. Applicants for Scholarships
should write to President Johnson be-
fore the examination for Scholarship
examination blanks.
Scholarships are worth 500 and free
tuition. The next session will open
September IS, 1907. For further infor-
nation and catalogue, address Pres. L:
B. JOHNSON, Rock Hill, S. G. $50
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1907-05-15
Please. that the county dispensaries

Blease, that the county dispensaries
are a nuisance and a farce.
When a county tries to increase the
sales of liquor by placing it in every
town in the county, whether the ma
iority of citizens want it or not, TOR
the sole purpose of making money
and making money alone, then it is
time for every God-fearing, liberty
loving citizen in South Carolina to
rise up with just indignation and RID
the State of a curse that is fast drag
cling US down to the lowest depths OF
perdition. Away with the county
dispensaries and their revenue! GlVe
us prohibition!
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1907-05-15

We are greatly surprised to learn
that the self. designing schemers OF
the proposednew county of St. Matth-
W are not satisfied with the over
,whelming defeat they received at the
meeting of Sandy Run citizens two
weeks ago, and r now laying the
foundation for another effort to get
the new county. They now propose
to recede from the line of ten years
ago and cut out every possible oppos-
ing vote. The new proposition takes
in a sparsely populated territory, ex-
tending from the orangeburg line to
the Savannah Hunt creek, at Mrs.
Texa Geiger's mill, where the Sa-
vannah Hunt empties into the Con-
garee river.
This territory contains a large mum
Der of colored citizens, some of whom
are property owners, and no doubt
the promoters are ''betting" on fool
ing these colored people into joining
the new county; but these citizens,
like all others of their race, are bit
terly opposed to high taxes, and we
are sure that they will not be lead
into any such scheme, for they will
at once realize that their taxes and
rents will surely be higher in the new
county than in the old. 1t behooves
the citizens in that territory, as..well
as the officials of the county and the
leading citizens outside Of the terri
tory, to take an active part in the
welfare Of Lexington, and look closely
after her interests.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1907-05-15

The Hon. John L.. McLauinE says,
that "if men of ability, but without
independent means, are to continue
their service in congress, they should
be given ten thousand dollars a year."
While he doesen't say so, it might be
inferred that that is why the honora-
ble gentleman retired to private life.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1907-05-15

Itseems that the number of defend
ants before Recorder Stanley in Co
lumbia Monday was about the largest
on record. When people get drunk
on dispensary liquor in Columbia and
are inclined to raise a little III
they have to pay for it. Can the
same thing be said of other dispen-
sary towns? Nit
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1907-05-15

Citizens of Lexington county are
proud of her territory and it is need
less for the "catch-as-they-can" pro-
moters to try to get them to consent
to form new county. They will
never do it.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1907-05-15

The citizens of Sandy Run r act
ing like men; but the county officials
have so far kept silent. Gentlemen,
rally to the support of these good cit
liens and lend them your aid. A
meeting will be held at the Red Store
next Friday, the 18th.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1907-05-15

Editor Carpenter, of the Anderson
Mail, has been literally rewarded for
his editorial paragraphs in defense of
Senator Latimer-a three months
trip to Europe.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1907-05-15

The intention Of, the State dispen-
sary law from its very origin was to
decrease drink. But how different
with the county machines! They
want.people to drink it whether they
want to Or not.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1907-05-15
Circulation. 2,316.
Wednesday, May IS, 1907.
Thanks to Columbia.

We regret to hear Of kicks coming
from some old soldiers in different
parts Of the State IN the treatment
they received at the hands of the true
and noble men and women of Colum-
bia during the reunion. We say there
isno room for kicks, because we were
there and had the "time of our lives"
The censure does not come from the
better element of old soldiers-those
who represent the true South Caro-
lima soldier-but from those who go
toSthese reunions for the purpose OF
getting drunk on free liquor and
beer, and, while in this condition,
expect to be invited into the homes
of decent people and fed on chicken
and pound cake and rocked to sleep
in 8 cradle. These are the one that
are complaining. There is no people
living on Gods green earth that loves
the old soldiers with more ardent af-
lection than the people of Columbia,
and their hearts and homes are ever
open to the soldier SO long as he con-
ducts himself in q decent, respectable
manner. Instead of raising a great
hugh and cry against the manner of
treatment, they should, with grateful
hearts, return thanks to Columbia.
Be it said, with shame, that many
Old yets were sseenson the streets and
around the tents so drunk that they
didn't know they were in the world,
when, as q matter of course, if they
had been any other than old soldiers,
theywodM have been locked in cell
atthespolice station. Such actions
as these on the part Of old confeds
ase bringing the reunions into disre-
pnse-
So far as the arrangements for feed
ing the veterans were concerned, they
mighthaye been better-that is, there.
nlight have beenmore feed tables
81 tbatsmore could have been accom-
modated at one time, but SO far as the
management was concerned, it could
nSt have been in better hands; for,
God knows, the dear women worked
from early morning until late at night
;-thefaithfnl women that they we're
waiting on these old soldiers as is
they were to be paid handsome sal
AIRY, when, in,reality, they get noth-
ing but abuse. Shame upon the old
soldier who wonldzbe SO ungrateful;
yea, SO heartless, as to expect these
precious women to do more! Why,
they almost waited on them the same
as # they were little children, 50 an I
ieus we're they mplease the them.
70 the men, women and children Of
Columbia, who, by their acts, showed
that they loved the old soldier; that
their deeds of patriotism would never
be forgotten SO long as life shall last,
every soldierin South Carolina should
feel truly grateful.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1907-05-15

Mr.. Taxpayer, the "catch-as-they-
CAM new county promoters are in
the land. Don't be fooled!
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1907-05-15
Post Cards Reduced.

In order to reduce our stock of post
cards we will sell all tinselled cards,
greetings from Lexington. at 2 for .
cents The Bazaar.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1907-05-15

Watch the new county schemers-
they have an axe to grind at your ex-
pense?
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1907-05-15
Notice.

There will be an election held at Oak
Grove school house, School District No:
AZ, on Tuesday, May 21st, between 2
and 4 O'Clock D. M, to vote on 3 mills
snecial tax for building All
voters are required to submit their tax
receipt and registration certificate.
J. W. WHITAKER,
THOS. S. WILLIAMS,
JOS. NJ. WILLIAMS,
2woS Trustees.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1907-05-15

How charming! how beautiful! how
lovely! the Sweet Girl Graduate!
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-05-31
FRuITLEss EFFORTS.

tChicagO NeWs.)
Oft I've been threatened with a bank ac-
count
Not any huge or fabulous amount,
But Just a decent wad, so I might look
Important when / opened up my book
And glanced to see if all the entries were
there
The teller made with cireumspective care.
Oft I've. been threatened, as I think 1
said,
But always ere I grasped it all had fled.
Well I remember once it was a gown
Ny good wife needed, so that threw me
down.
And once it was a suit of clothes for me
Heaven knows l was a shabby sight to
see.
Again it was a carpet for the hall
said We didn't need the thing at all,
But company was coming and Corrine
Declared that hall unfit to greet them in.
And onee-but why enumerste the ways
Harsh fate has kept me eoinless all my
days.
know as we'll as I recall my name
/ shall go bank-accountless down to fame
/ know that every time it looks as if
I'd have some money something will go
.'biff"
And send my feeble hopes to tarnaI
smash
I'm not the kind of folks that saves up
cash.