davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1907-11-02
The janitorial kim.

We've prayed for It with earnest prayers;
We've pleaded with the man downstairs;
We've gone down on our bended Knees;
We've told him we would surely freeze:
We've proved 1t by our steaming breath;
We've said the cold would be our death;
We've vowed to bow to his conmands;
We've limited Christmas was at hand;
We've promised him mint OF tips;
We've jollied him with quirks and Quips;
We've used some words we don't repeat;
We-hanE II alive want steam heatl
But he. the villain gives q smile
And calmly aDswArsi "Wait awhilsl"
LA Touchs Hancock In New York Press.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1907-11-02
YARNS ABOUT TRAMPS
The DiIapidated Gentleman Re-
Iates Some lnciSents.
THE FARMERS AND HOBoES.
Present III Feeling For Them Blamed
on Press Of Country--Cash on Deliv-
cry Only Way to Do Business, Says
the c. o. D. Man.

Copyright 1907. by y. c. ParccHs1
"Thanks for thc coin said the G. O.
II. man as he pocketed the quarter and
made ready TO talk. "rhGre is only
one way for dilapidatcd gentleman
TO do business, and that is TO insist on
cash on delivery. This saves the hire
of a bookkeepcr and cashier and when
night comes he knows exactly what he
has got without consulting II cash reg
ister ANY other plan is bound to
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1907-11-02
Prote cted BY Flowers.

"You have filed your fire escape up
80 with your flowers that you'd never
got out In case Of fire. would you?"
asked they.
NO" she replied, but they are q
great protection from burglars, you
see. Any burglar that tried to come
up that fire escape and get in at that
window would have to knock them
down first
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1907-11-02
Very Suspicious.

"Better send an inspector down to
see what's the matter with this mans
meter" said the cashier In the gas
company's office to the superintendent.
"Oh," began the superintendent, 1--WE
throw complaints about meters"-
This is no complaint. He sends a
check for the amount of his bill and
says it's very reasonable '"-Catholic
Standard and Times.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1907-11-02
Not Safe Even Ihsrs.

Dick-If you are afraid Of microbes,
why don't you kiss your girl over the
phone?, You can't catch anything by
kissing girl over the wire.
Tom-Oh. yes. you can. ! kissed
mine over the phone the other day.
The old man grabbed the receiver and
] caught the dickens.-St. Louis Post.
Dispatch. VIZ
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1907-11-02
Convicted Of First Degree Murder.

Goshen. N. ", Oct. 2s--The jury
that has been trying Charles II. Rog-
ers ON charge OF numbering the
Olpey brothers and Alice Ingerick,
last night returned verdict OF guilty
Of murder In the first dssrse.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1907-11-02
Mas Objection.

Mamma. have you any objection to
my going to the woman's club?"
But my dear, you don't need ii yet
Walt until you are married.
York Life.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1907-11-02

Little johnnie. on bis fret tsip -
the seashors. watched the foam 6sstko
waves, ana asked his mother. "Is thae
the soapsuds the uttls ashes waeh
wttAr
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1907-11-02

Hash.
The turkey now We finish
In manner to abash.
With phiosophic musing
We mediate on hash.
IT is the final wlndup
OF dynasties that crash.
or Caesars mighty eagles
. What now remains but hash?
When great opposing nations
In mortal combat clash
The sated world discovers
The dove OF peace Is hash.
: McLandburgh Wilson In Woman's Home
Companion.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1907-11-02
Without Stomach Drugging ss.tss y. a. 4, y

many afflicted persons. both men and women, by fun
cien means of curing Diseases that are frequently
remote from the seat II digestion. you should make
of our Special System of Treatment,
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1907-11-14

pen pads. and also roller top desks.
1t would be sacrilege to even lean
against any of them. This particular
magnate has learned by long expert
ence that when once a man sits on a
chair he Is likely to sit there very
much longer than he Is wanted.
The caller is shown into this
chairless room. The magnate Is here
waiting for him with pleasant
smile and warm handshake. He
tells his business, naturally as brief
as he can, because 1t is not the most
comfortable thing in the world to
stand up and be verbose. The result
is entirely satisfactory to all parties
The visitor goes away quickly. He
has told all he has to say and the
magnate Is saved any embarrassing
remarks to the effect that you will
have to excuse me now" or 81 an
very busy" or words to that effect.
That is the method of the STAN
dard OILS quick action with callers
they do not to have linger.
Process servers do not even get
that amelioration OF kindness.
Then there is also theatrical
manager who has method of his
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1907-11-14
The Rabbit Hunter.

The rabbit hunter, now in his
glory, gets a notice for his thrift
and bravery from the Reading TEL
egyam, in these words: "There is
a disposition in many quarters to
poke fun at the men who, at this
season, fare forth to seek and slay
the ferocious rabbit in his lair, and
though none of the daring hunters
have been slain and devoured, it is
urged that they are not justihable
in taking such risks But there is
another side to the question. men
and their families must eat, and
meat in the market is dear, so he
falls back upon the primal resource.
But even if this necessity did not
exist, man is by nature a daring
animal, and the very ferocity of the
rabbit is temptation to him to 60
forth armed and ready to slay or be
slain. Neither can we eliminate
the just pride which the slayer feels
when he returns with the trophies
OF his prowess, as evidences of his
bravery in vanquishing and his
cunning in circumventing these
willy denizens of the wilds."
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1907-11-14
Church Advertising.
One Of the Remedies for Church Stsgnaicn
and Dwindling Sunday Schools.

Clergymen of all denominations
are pretty we'll agreed that religion
ought to be carried into business,
but too few of them realize that the
rule may be worked both ways by
carrying business methods into re-
ligion.
There is remedy for church
stagnation and the dwindling at
tendance of Sunday schools that
ought to be more generally applied.
Newspaper advertising-not the
cut. .and-dried formal kind so famil-
lar to the public, but original ap-
peal of the attention compelling
sort-has brought new life into
church and Sunday school work
wherever it has been fairly tried.
1t has been successfully demon
strated in several of the larger cities
that originality in church advertis.
ing pays and that originality is not
all synonomous with sens 3tionalism.
-PHIia. Record.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1907-11-14

no compunction or hesitancy in
monopolizing as much of 1t as may
suit his own sweet will.
OF course this does not apply to
the stereotyped and well known class
of bores after they have been found
out to be such. An attendant or a
clerk with ordinary discrimination
and discernment easily detects the
professional bore and keeps him
away from annoying his chief. There
are, however, plenty of well mean
ing people in business and the pro-
fessions who are pores without
knowing it. They are the amateur
kind and would be very much Of
Tended If they were classed as busi-
ness annoyances. II is against the
persstency of this kind of people
that the busy man has to employ his
ingenuity.
The Wall Street magnate. bank
president or head of a big mercantile
house is perforce obliged to see
many people in the course of the
day. Sometimes the callers run into
the hundreds. 1t is therefore i'm
portant to limit the calls of those
who have but little business to
transact to as few moments as posi-
BILE and to get rid of them without in
any way giving offence or breaking
in on the business relations which
already exist
Many and varied are the schemes
utilized to this end. There Is hardly
big Office downtown that has not
some special method of its own of
accomplishing this end. Perhaps one
OF the most amusing and at the same
time simple methods Of all employ
ed is that Of one OF the magnates Of
the Standard OIL. He Is very diff
cult man to see at best unless the
caller Is personally known to him or
has some really important business
that the secretary cannot attend to.
Naturally this condition frequently
arises. and the magnate's method of
making the call brief is to have the
caller shown into reception room
In which there are no chairs.
or course, the magnates suite of
offices contains other reception
rooms. in which there are plenty of
chairs. but this especial room, re-
served and set aside for the quick
callers" is entirely devoid Of any
place to sit down on. There are
elaborate tables with inkstands and
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1907-11-14

own Of getting rid of people quickly.
His method Is 'the push out
handshake."
The visitor Is brought In and in
troduced The manager grasps his
hand In warm and fervid embrace
and holds on to 1t. He holds on to II
for the very best reason in the world
that II he ever let go he would be
lost. He shakes and pushes and he
pushes toward the door.
The visitor finds himself unwit-
tingly saying good by" before he
has really had q good opportunity to
say How do you do"
Actually before he knows 1t he is
pushed out into the hall and the at
tendant leads him away.
The man with numerous deputies
who impersonate him is the most
common form OF getting rid Of peo-
pie that are not wanted.
1t Is not an infreQuent occurrence
that beardless youth will go to
some anteroom to see caller and
impersonate the personality OF a
gray whiskered veteran of business
or profession. The guileless caller,
In majority of cases, will possibly
wonder how the man he called on
has been able to keep his age so
well. But he will go away satisfied
and pleased that he has had per-
sonal interview with the man he
came to see.
There is also the telephone trick,
which many prominent men use.
This Is the operation. The caller,
whose business has been consum-
mated and who is simply sitting
around with the idea that he Is maxi
Ing himself agreeable and solid with
the man he came to see, is interrupt
ed in possibly good story by a Wig
orous ring on the telephone. The
big man" that he is calling to see
necessarily has to attend to 1t.
No sooner is he finished with this
call and turns politely to his visitor
and says "Yes" than comes another
ring on the telephone.
The unwelcome caller is simply
rung out, and all simply because
there Is Vide awake clerk In the
outer Office who understands that a
certain bell ring or a certain signal
means to call up the central ex-
change and keep the magnate's tele-
phone busy until the unwelcome cal
Ter has been got rid of.
There Is still another way. 1t Is
the naughty, sarcastic and con-
temptuous way of receiving callers.
This can be done and is done with
out even indulging in any manner
lsms or unkind words.
AS, for instance, gentleman was
very desirous of seeing the presi-
dent of a bank. There was no es-
pecial reason why the president Of
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1907-11-14

the bank wanted to see him, but
there were very good reasons why
the caller wanted to see the presi-
dent. He (the caller) was armed
with letters Of Introduction and with
cards from people whose names
should have counted for something.
He made two or three fruitless calls,
only to be informed that the presi-
dent had gone to directors meet
Ing or was at Atlantic City or Palm
Beach or at lunch. At the best he
hoped for a possibility Of catching
him in the corridor when he was
rushing to keep one Of these nu-
erous engagements.
Finally, after sitting around the
bank presidents Office for four
hours. during which time he was
told that the aforesaid president
would probably be at leisure in an
hour, he was ushered in through a
long suite Of exterior offices until,
finally, he reached the personal
sanctum OF the president. There he
expected to find man with a wor-
ried look. stream of people COM
Ing out after seeing him. and the
president sitting In front OF a desk
with mass Of correspondence which
he had not time to attend to. and In
fact every other indication of an
extremely busy and overworked hui
man being.
On the contrary, what he saw was
dignified, pleasant man, who
leaned back in very comfortably
upholstered chair, shooting coffee
beans from his thumb and forefinger
at a target on the opposite wall,
which was nothing else than the nose
OF a reproduction of very celebra-
ted painting. The caller said
Are you very busy, Mr.. Presi-
dent?"
The president of the bank replied
Yes, am very busy, but | can
give you minute. What is it2"
1t is unnecessary to add that the
call was very brief one.
Hundreds of stories could be told
In a like vein. They all amount to
the same thing, that the busy man
must resort to acting to stage de-
Vices to get rid of unwelcome callers
and at the same time not offend the
unwelcome caller.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1907-11-14
An English Author Wrote:

mo shade, no shine, no fruit. no
MOWERS, no leaves, November ~ MANY
Americans would add "no freedom
from catarrh," which is so aggra vated
during this month that u becomes con-
stantly troublesome. There il abund-
ant proof that catarrh is a constitu-
tional disease. 1t is related 20 scrofIla
and consumption, being one of the
wasting diseases Hoods Sarsanrijla
has shown that what IL capable Of
eradicating scrofula, completely cures
catarrh, and taken i'm time nrevents
consumption. We cannot see how anv
sufferer can put off taking this medi-
cine, In view of the widely published
record OF its radical and permanent
cures. 1t is undoubtedly Americas
greatest Medicine for Americas G Great-
est Disease-Catarrh.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1907-11-14

People who take notice" must have
observed a growing sentiment in this
country IN favor of using only put.up
FOODS and medicines of "known com.
position DR.. Pierce's Favorite Pres
eruption stan ds alone as the only ready
put'np medicine for the cure of wo-
man peculiar ailments that bears on
lhe wrapper a full list of the ingredi-
ents composing it, printed "in plain
Lnciish 1t Is the "FavOrite Pres
erIption ofa Specialist in wonlan's
diseases Ns'i's Is ana not patent medicine"
Made OF the roots of native, medicinal
plants without alcohol or other harm
!ul ingredients, DR.. Pierce's "Prescrip-
non, has been the favorite "cure" for
me weaknesses, pains, drains and dis
orders or the womanly system which
mas stood the test of forty years of ex-
perlence. Send to Dr. Il. Y. Pierce at
ibuiiaio, n Y. for free booklet giving
ingredients and what well-recognized
authorities of all schools Of medicine
say of them
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1907-11-14
Envelopes

$4,000 Envelopes carried in
stock at the COLUMBIAN Office.
The line includes drug envelopes,
pay, coin. baronial, commercial
sizes, number 6, 615, oA, Q, 10
and II, catalog, &c. Prices range
from 81. SO per 1000 printed. up TO
S5.cc. Largest stock in the coun-
ty TO select from.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1907-11-14

Hotel Clerk-A room with bath ia
80 per day, colonel.
Prominent and Influential Son of
the Dark and Bloody Ground - Yes
sab; but that is of no interest to
me, sab, What | wish To know ssh,
Is the price Of room with drinks
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1907-11-14
HOW THEY DISPOSE OF BOREs.
Ingenious Devices Resorted to by
Prominent business Men.

One OF the most serious problems
for busy men and men Of promi-
nence to solve Is how not to see peo-
pie without giving offence.
Also 1t is quite as vexing a prob.
lem and quite as serious a one to
find way to get rid of callers ex-
peditiously.
The average caller who has sue
ceeded In getting an audience with
some prominent man is very apt to
forget how very valuable that
prominent mans time Is and to feel
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1907-11-14

THE "PURE FOOD LAwn is designed
oy the government to protect the pub
nc from injurious ingredients in both
ioods ana drugs. 1t is beneficial both
to the public and to the conscientious
manufacturer. Ely's Cream Balm,
successful remedy for cold in the head,
nasal catarrh, hay fever, etc, contain
ing no injurious drugs, meets fully the
requirements OF the new law, and that
fact is prominently stated on every
package. 1t contains none of the in
furious drugs which are required by the
law to be mentioned OH the label.
Fence you can use it safely
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1907-11-14

some people are so imbued with the
loea that they should love their enc
their friends.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1907-11-14

Some fellows wait to get rich before
they marry, and Others wait to marry
before they get rich.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1907-11-14

playwr'ght--"Well, what do YOU
think OF my comedy, old man ?" Critic
I"Great! It's almost as good as a
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1907-11-14

The coach In which the Lord
Mayor of London rides on state occa-
sions has been In use since the year
1857.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1907-11-14
Is quickly absorbed.
Gives Relief at Once.

brane resulting from Catarrh and drives
away a Cold in the Head quickly. Restores
the Senses of Taste and Smell. Full size
6o cts. at Druggists or by mail. Liquid
Cream Balm for use in atomizers rs cts.
Ely Brothers, 66 Warren Street, New York.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1907-11-14

10 be parsimonious with.
Truth Is thing that It Is ruinous
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1907-11-14

when woman never gossips it may
merely mean that her friends are afraid
10 trust her with their secrets.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1907-11-14

Into every wilderness God SENDS
some voice"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-01-13
King Dough and
His Court

FTER the conversation with the soldier Chick
n went back to the hall of the castle told
4 N John Dough and Para Bruin what the had
They all expect a wise and just ruler who is not
made OF flesh and blood" reported one;
guess It's up to John. to this island"
I'm surprised" said Para Bruin that they
prefer a King who is made OF pure rubber
bounce But IL they want John Dough- instead of me-
m willing to yield in his favor"
You shall be my Chief Counselor" replied John
do not s reserve rye the right to act as please In case
p, That is entirely fair and reasonable" declared
B1n and thank you for the honor have
I'm going to be Head BooIeywag" said Chick
What's thatY' asked John
cherub just behave yourseives@you ' and you
Chief Counselor-and you'll both find / know my bust
iTheEeuRon the child led John Dough the Kings
eT b robe and crown and sceptre were discovered
SghH is so the S5 S Ss se
in 5S HANG cK ode hsa b nd put r the
him in such that his missing left hand was not
hall placed him in the royal throne - 'H'
badly Clipped and his LETT glass eye so ooss
IN its socket that IT rolled every way but the right
shrtfrOnt soiled and cracked and that several
ventures But ki9sy robes and ngly crown
stood back and critical look at their friend
they f5 Ts s5 8r SSs of his regal
ed In the throne. Chick went TO the OF
Ban vide S @ at doo ho fRsn tine
"The King has Gomez ne Enter his castle all Va HI
ianders and Loianders, and greet the ruler in
SO the tan and slender people trooped in at one
other gszed with awe and reverence at the the
not flesh and blood. and might easily be wise and
prophecy pl SO all bowed h9mby before John whom
voice as King Dough the First ruler OF the Twin
Kingdoms Of ailand and Leland
Cities and John made royal procession both sides
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-01-13
Lr RANK BAUFfS
lcJolm Dough ~o1he (hdUb.
lectures bu John RNalT.

built and many beautiful parks and pleas
ure grounds scattered about
Our friends had much time to observe these
things closely. for Johns request the hamingoes
alghted upon the top of the great wall near to an
entrance of the castle.
I'VE must leave you now" said one OF the birds.
for obliged hurry home again. But am
cure you will be quite safe in this beautiful country
Goodbye" said John. land thank you very mucn
for bringing here"
Chick and the bear also thanked the kind namin-
goes and then the birds few into the air ana soon
disappeared
What lovely place to bounced" said Para Bruin.
leaning edge the wall nearest to the tall
houses and gazing downward into the street
ITS good way down." said Chick. YOU'D better
be careful"
NONSENSE replied the scornfuly. The
higher wall the finer the bounce"
With that he made ball of himself and rolled on
the wall John and Chick leaned over and saw the
rubber strike the pavement far below and then
round upward again. When he on Level with the
top of the wall he reached out his paws caught the
edge of tho stones and drew himself beside them.
"Great-wasn't it?" he asked proudly
Yes but 1 advise you to be careful said the GIN
serbread man. I'VE know nothing OF the people who
nhabit this country and if should chance to miss
the wall when you bound upward. would become a
prisoner and be at the mercy Of those VINO captured
you"
That's true" agreed the bear "rlI be more care
get better acquainted What shall we do
now?"
Let's try to find way into the castle" suggested
Chick ITS the only way get off this wall for
can't bounce you do, Para Bruin."
Nor l." added John How strange 1t is that
the should be divided by this great WALL And
how queer 10 have everything short one side and
tall other But perhaps the people In the castle
explain II all
They walked along the broad wall toward the cas-
tie presently TO the large gate.
of the which stood ajar, if inviting them
to enter.
Shall we go in?" asked John. hesitating
"Of course" decided Chick, promptly. What's the
use staying outside. when the doors open?
So they passed through the wicket and entered a
lofty arched hail. built of blocks OF exquisite marble
that gave it grand and majestic appearance There
W a small stairway leading upward and large
stairway descending the lower floors the castle:
was in sight to greet them they decided
to down the stairs
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-01-13

screams and few quickly into
che cir. and our friends turned
in tine 10 see a most curious
creature come from the grove
and approach them.
IL had somewhat the ike
ness OF a man, yet was too
queer ever 20 bO mistaken for a
human being. although IL was
certainly alive. It's body was
huge punching bag, and its
head was a football. For legs
IL had two of those golf clubs
called ''putters." and one OF its
arms was a tennis racket and
the other a baseball club. This
was curious enough. i'm all con-
science: but the face was more
curious yet. For the eyes were
golf balls. and the nose a square
OF billiard chalk, and its mouth
n mere slit in the football where
The lacing had come undone-
Taken altogether. this odd
creature presented a most sur
Z prising appearance, and while
John Dough and Para Bruin
stared at It in amazement.
Chick boldly asked:
who are your
sport is my name, and
sport my nature" answered the
creature, winking one eye
1rightfully. and grinning until
Ats queer mouth curled up at
beth corners of the slit.
Sport" remarked the rub
Der bear. gravely, 'is some
thing amusing. so am sure you
are Tnisnamed."
"Ohl you're a balloon" re-
turned Sport. kicking at the
bear with one of his golf-club
feet; the kids a Chucklehead.
and the others a bun"
I'm not a bunw exclaimed
John. Indignantly.
YES. you arel Cross bun.
too. Hot cross bun. Cool on