The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-02-20
AMERICAN WIT
SOME EXAMPLES FROM pEsATss
IN CONGRESS AND ON THE
STUMP.

SOME EXAMPLES FROM pEsATes
4. IN CONGRESS AND ON THE
STUMP.
From the New York Sun.
William Shakespeare. who codiaet
Jour Notwithstanding. conversational
laws. made his admirably wise fool
Toachstone divide the more or les.
pheasant custom OF giving ones nd,
versary the lie into seven classes
ranging from the Retort Courteous q
THE Lie Direct. The field Of politics
rs more prolific In famous Instances
LOT retort than any other.
An Illustration Of the nimble and
canstic wit of Alexander H. steph.
ems Of Georgia. in a Senatorial de.
bate occurred on the noor Of the Sen.
late in a heated argument with Rob.
ert Toombs, also OF Georgia.
Stephens. although possessed Of one
of the most powerful brains OF his
time, was lame and had a wizened lit.
tile body. Toombs was one Of the
largest men in the Senate, and was
LOT a clustering. splutterfng type. He
had argued with Stephens until he
was hoarse. and became so e~xasper.
ated that he threatened to fight. How
ever, consideration OF the size Of his
opponent deferred him, and turning,
the said: Il won't fight you, but /
eenla swallow you whole" Stephens
quickly retorted: "lf you did you
would have more brains in your
stomach than you ever bad in your
head"
Gen. Charles H. Grosvenor Is the
hero of d hundred wordy battles In
the House. He has a luxurious snow.
white beard and a caustic tongue. One
day William D. yandiver, now insur-
ance commissioner Of Missouri,
launched into a furious attach upon
"the gentleman from Ohio" and
Champ Clark ~innocently inquired.
which gentleman from ohio?" The
Missourian shook his finger at Gen.
Grosvenor and replied: 81 mean the
gentleman from Ohio who looks like
Santa Claus aud talks like Satan.
EGrosvenor, white with rage, shouted
back: "But my picture has never
served as a warning on poison pots
in pharmacies" yandiver had such
a thin face and bony frame that he
had been nicknamed Skull and Cross.
bones"
The late Senator ingalls,, of Kan
sas. was attaching Gen. Mcclellan
and Gen. Hancock, two Federal gem
erals OF the civil war, who were after
ward Democratic candidates for the
Presidency. Senator Blackburn, Of
Kentucky, arose and intercepted:
when Gem George B. Mcclellan was
leading the armies of his country, and
when Gen. Winfield Scott Hancock
lay wounded By the enemy's bullets
under the Tag of his country, the
Senator from Kansas, IA the capacity
OF Judge advocate general, was pros.
ecuting no~ncombatant .Jayhawkers for
robbing h~en.roosts."
In the old days Tom Marshall and
one Graves were rival candidates for
Congress In the Blue Grass region OF
Kentucky. Marshall was an aristo-
crat. Graves was the son of a coop.
er, and he WIS always making an ap-
peal to the "peepuT' by boosting of
the humble occupation Of IFS father.
MARSHALL found is was hurting hts
chances, and he decided TO stop it
by the Counterc4eck Quarrelsorue. In
reply to Graves he said: my oppo,
.nent boasts Of the humble calling of
his father. For aught I know hfs
father may have been a good coop,
.er. but It Is easy to e that he put a
mighty poor head on this wnisky bar
rel" clapping his hand on Graves
head.
Tennessee bred two great orators
in the oiden days-Andrew johnson,
United s,atcs ana cnstayus A :icn.
ry. a Wing. known as the Eagle Or
ator o. the South" They ran against
each other for governor, and when
la long series Of Joint debates had
reached its close johnson addressed
the Wings in the audience: 81 have
spoken with the boosted eagle ora.
tor from the Mississippi river to the
Unaka Mountains. and as yet I see
mo flesh in his taIons or blood on his
beak." Quick as a flash Henry was
on his feet, saying; "The American
eagle is a proud bird, and feeds not
on carbon"
Champ Clark. in a speech on civil
service reform. told a story of a
sharp retort to an examination aues.
tlon %propounded by the civil service
board: A man applying for a position
to u an elevator was asked: "How
many troops did England send to the