davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.

[From the Philadelphia Record.J
The fat lady is apt to lie in weight
for you.
The cheap skate should beware of
thin ice.
Some people never foot bill with
out making a kick.
The grave-digger makes many an
opening for a good man.
Tho fellow who is pushed for money
is seldom pushed to the front.
No, Maude, dear; the fireman's hose
doesn't always keep his feet dry
1t doesn't take an animal dealer to
convince us that the giraffe comes high.
1t shouldn't be necessary for a school
teacher to consult an oculist about her
pupils.
81 have proposed to one girl no less
than dozen times" remarked the
cheerful optimist. Better let 1t go at
that" cautioned the cynic. Thirteen
is an unlucky number, and the next
time she might accept you"
Mrs Muggins-"Does your new girl
do the weshiug?" Mrs. Buggins-"P
don't know till Monday" AIRS. Mug
gins-'sWhy, how is that2" Mrs. Bug
gfns-"Well, when 1 asked her she said
that was where she drew the line, and
I've been wondering ever since just
what she meant"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22
JAYKA WKER JOTS

Humboldt has an anti-cigarette
league composed of rs boys.
CoffeyviIle is getting ready to join
the chautauqua circuit this year.
The Atchison Globe is among the
old-fashioned papers which still have
baseball teams "cross bats" with one
another.
A runaway team at Beloit went
through a store window. The team
escaped injury but it was pretty tough
on the window.
The school of journalism at K. U.
has received copies of London pape@s
published in 1890. Among other news
they tell of the French revolution.
A Wellington man has blood-poison-
ing in his hand as a result of catching
a chicken. The chicken scratched
him. The moral is to let your wife
catch the hens.
A Leavenworth man is trying to find
a physician who can cure his son of
disease is said to be -incurable when
it has once taken a strong hold on
sufferer.
F. Burleigh Johnson, who was one of
Ellis cOunty'S most prominent Shale-
ionaires a few years ago, and who has
had an ambition to run for congress on
the Democratic ticket a few time, now
has hold of something practical. He is
manufacturing an automobile for far
mers. 1t is claimed that this auto will
haul a thousand bushels of wheat to
market, or pull twenty 4-inch plows.
Then the working bed can be taken off
and the family bed put in; in this
lily can ride to town at twenty miles
an hour. The machines cost from
eighteen hundred to four thousand
dollars.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22

bespeak the pain of having lost for
ever a much loved prize
Betsy, for heavens sake stop cry
ing. Those people are looking at us;
The doctor, having determinedly
/ brought on the deluge, was taking
mans ina1ienabIe right OF blaming
somebody else. Besides he wanted TO
know what this was all about. .
Betsy disclosed flushed but fearless
face.
mot crying She denied the allie
cation spiritedly. What is there to
cry about? Foul 1 just wanted a
Whit of that nice, smelly iodoform on
your coat. Mr. Jensen, my brother.
And aow"--she slipped a companicn-
able hand through the arm of each
show us the boat"
This was more like Betsy.
What is your-name? he asked.
in a voice that was too vibrant to be
called steady.
The doctor wheeled in consterna-
ton.
BETSY Cobb, haven't you ever met
this MANI" he demanded.
"CobbI" The Northman's big voice
doomed up into the masts with sheer
JOY. Aren't you married % he cried,
his boyish face breaking into a pa
thetic eagerness' that was too beauti-
full and too intimate for any one but
Betsy to see.
So the doctor was thrust out into a
little world of his own for awhile.
after Betsy ecstatically gurgled, Ora
cfous. mol" Betsy, dear little sister
didn't belong to him any more. And
he had insisted upon getting rid OF
heri
''Weve been engaged Betsy's voice
reused him. ever since the Roose-
welt sailed two years ago, but I prom
ised not to tell till Paul came back.
Do you know why I didn't want to
come out here today? 1 thought Paul
had forgotten. He never let me know
he still cared"
Foolish girl" said Paul, gripping
both her hands in an ecstasy of recov-
cry. Its all the fault of old New
York. 1 had forgotten in the ice foes
that everybody down here moves
every six months, and when 1 rushed
up to Sfxty-ninth street, all agog with
delight to get back to the dearest lit
tie girl in the world-they told me
Miss Cobb was married and didn't live
III ere any more! Think of that! Some
other Miss Cobb nearly bowling me
off my feet like that 1 knew two
years was a long time for a fascinat- =.
ing little girl to remain true to a Door
dub probably frozen into an ice cake
around the north pole somewhere. so
didn't blame her much. I was going
to be everlastingly grateful to her
memory. For if it hadn't been for the
thought of her 1 think I should have
lost my grit once or twice But as II
was. just kept on a-living'
Il knew it," said Betsy ''I knew II
When saw ."-(Copyrighted,
1907, by Homer Sprague.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
[From the New York Press.l

[From the New York Press.1
The less she means it the more nat
urally a girl can smile.
Gambling is a very useful thing to
teach you way you can't make money.
They've been married only a little
while when he calls her Jane in a tone
of voice to sound like dearie.
man would have to be in jail long
time to be glad to see himself out and
cleaning up the furnace after hard
winter.
A woman seems to be afraid that I'M
less she rushes out and goes shopping
the minute she gets any money she
might spend part of it on something
useful.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22
HVMOR OF THE DIP

II ordered you to paint me some
cows in stable. 1 see the stable. but
where are the cows ?"
They are in the stable"
50 is your pay for the picture. You
had better bring them both out.'-I,a
Saeta.
Poet7-What do you think of this
little poem of mine. "She Would Not
Editor-I think if you had read the
poem to her she would have smiled
LIE Rire.
II am glad to see. senator. that you
take firm stand in favoroof Opening
all legislative bodies with PRAYER"
YES; if we pass bad laws it gives us
chance to shift the responsibility."-
Chicago Tribune.
Mrs. Crossway-Ycur last girl didn't
stay long.
Mrs. Kawler-No; she was one of
these particular girls. She said she
couldn't stand our language-we used
the imperative mood too much.-Chi-
cago Tribune.
when Greek meets Creek" said
the man who quotes
What happens then?''
81 don't remember exactly. 1 sup
pose it's time to get an interpreter
Washington Herald.
Passenger-You say there was a big
washout on this road last week?
Conductor-Yes
Passenger-Huh!- Some of The water
must have leaked out of the stock
Chicago News.
Jack the Giant Killer had success
fully got to bed by means of his in
visible coat.
That's all very WELL" remarked his
wife coldly the next morning "but
why did you leave your seven league
boots on the stairs?"
Thus we learn that even magic will
not avail poor man on lodge nights
New York Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
rFrom the Chicago News.1

IFrOm the chicago News.J
Invention is the stepmother of trusts
Many a small boy grows up to be a
little big man.
There's a lot of brass in the compo-
sition of gilded youth.
Few people are wise enough to util-
lie secondhand experience.
Some people are not much for looks
until they begin to rubber.
Convince a man that he Is a fool If
you would make an enemy of him.
Even the female with the bargain
hunting mania draws the line at a
cheap looking man.
1t isn't always safe to Judge a mans
eharita bleness by his actions when his
wife asks him for money
It's certainly a fortunate thing for
some people that they are unable to
intelligent.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22
Fortv Days Round the world.

Many of US marked an epoch for our
selves when Jules Verne wrote Round
the World in Eighty Days" Perhaps
it was not possible then to go round
in eighty days; the book would have
been less exciting to children If it had
been possible. But at all events, it was
nearly possible, and many of US marked
down the epoch. How many people
could say off hand today, however, to
what those eighty days have been re-
duced? A writer in the Daily Mail, Mr..
F. A Mckenzie, tells US that the jour-
ney can be done in forty days, and
that, in comfortable trains and ships,
not by the desperate expedients OF Jules
Verne.
we are told that the tickets cost only
about 1925 second class and $615 first
class. The journey is reckoned in this
way: London to Moscow, two and
half days; MOSCOW to Vladivostok. thir-
teen days; Vladivostok to Yokohama,
two days; Yokohama to London via
Vancouver, twenty-one and half days;
connections, one day. The Russians I'M
derstand the art of comfortable railway
travelling, their. carriages and buffets
are models.-London Spectator.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22
THE LIMIT.

Nope, not another
Song of spring.
I'm wearied of
The dadblamed thing.
Twas warm and balnny,
Just last night,
But ere this mornings
Roseate light
Had tinged with gold
The eastern sky
A roaring norther
Hustled byi
Boreas let a
NOrther slip
And now the world
Has got the grip.
Springi oh, spring!
Delightful thingl
OF seasons all
The darnedest thingi
The thing of
Summer underShirts,
And wl1irling dust,
And blowing skirts:
OF the enhancing
Peek-a-boo
And dimpled shoulders
F'riz and blue!
OF colds and coughs
When grip has swing!
Nope, not another
Verse on spring.
Houston Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22

Rules One Should Follow Nowadays
After the repeated shocks which have
been dealt to the nerves of the public
at large, the following few simple
hyg1enic memoranda have been careful
~ prepared for the public and domestic
guidance.
On rising in the morning-Rule first,
Don't wash or take a bath unless you
are sure the water has been properly
distilled; treated with barium chloride
and permanganate of potassium, and
redistilled over K. H. S. o.. to fix any
ammonia. If the housekeeper does not
possess this elementary chemical knowl-
edge, decline to wash at ALL and take an
air bath.
Second. Use a new toothbrush, or
else have a fresh set of false teeth each
day-whichever you think less danger
Gus.
Third. DO your hair with your fingers;
brushes and combs are deadly bacillus
traps.
Fourth. Keep your soap, sponge. and
shaving material under an air-pump, to
choke off the microbes.
Fifth. If impossible to follow above
rules stay in bed.
At the breakfast table-Rule first.
Don't read the morning paper or open
letters until they have been baked. sat
urated with a disinfectant, and put
through the mangle. The postal Off
Gals are most careless with mail.
Second. All bills should be promptly
sent into unlimited quarantine.
Third. Refrain from eating any
bacon, fish, kidneys, ETC., over which an
inquest has not been held, or eggs that
have not been sat upon by coroner's
jury.
Fourth. Keep your mouth closed
throughout the meal.
On going to business-Rule first. Re-
fuse all change that may be offered you
by street car conductors, etc. If you
do not care to lose such sums, insist on
having newly, minted coins handed you,
wrapped up in sterilized cotton.
Second. If you are compelled to go to
a refreshment stand, take your own fl
ter. glassware and crockery with you,
aIeo assorted repartees to any COM
ments made by the barkeeper.
Third Stay, If possible, at home
Rarper's Weekly.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22

Western Kansas had a snowstorm
on April 20 Four years ago it had
one on April 80. Four years ago the
snow was followed just a month later
Dy the great flood. 1t is to be hoped
that the precedent will not be followed
to that extent this time.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22

The Kansas City Times tries to
argue Bent Murdoch out of re-electing
Roosevelt next year on the ground that
Roosevelt won't have it so. But
doesn't the Times know that the sage
OF the Walnut is a law unto himself
and Is not to be thwarted by a little
thing like the presidents unwilling
ness? Incidentally it might be OBJ
served that Uncle Bent rarely fails to
guess right
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22

Ex-Congressman Wadsworth of New
York has also attacked President
Roosevelt. Wadsworth. YOU will re-
member, is the individual whose neo-
pie defeated him for reelection be-
cause he opposed the presidents poll
cies- He has a license to feel sore at
a president who insists on having
policies that are so popular with the
DeODle
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22
KANSAS.

The little brochure issued by Sec
retary Coburn some time ago, in wnicn
he relegated to, oblivion such terms as
.blizzard." ''cyclone," and "drouth' as
applied to Kansas, apparently did not
have the circulation it should have mao
beyond the borders of the state. 10
he sure Mr.. Coburn directed it chiefly
to kansas newspaper people, and IL
was intended mainly for home con-
sumption. but its points could have
heen Wondered with benefit by many
telegraph editor elsewhere.
Rut since the attention of some out
side editors has not been called TO the
matter. Kansas continues to be placed
in the center of the stage upon every
possible occasion. The point made by
Secretary Coburn that a news item
from Kansas is worth much more than
a more important item from another
state. is amply illustrated by one OF
last weeks happenings.
When the beautiful snow came
drifting down in Kansas last Tuesday
morning, that fact was duly enron
ic1ed in an Associated Press dispatch
and sent out to the world. 1t added
that "the weather bureau reports
temperature of SO degrees at O'Clock
and growing colder each hour
Not a word was said about biz
zard-in fact, the subject was not
mentioned or even suggested. At the
same time this dispatch was sent out
from Kansas City:
"Kansas City, April 16.-There was
a snowfall here this morning with the
Thermometer at SO. Freezing weather
is predicted for tonight"
The same day Wisconsin was hav-
ing a real storm, and it was announced
in this Observation-Disclosures dispatch:
Ashland, Wis, April 16.-The
blizzard still continues and the snow
is delaying trains"
Now in a certain California paper
these three dispatches were punched,
the one from Topeka being placed
first, the Kansas City item second, and
the one from Wisconsin last. And
what sort of a head do you suppose
was placed over them? 1t was three
line scare head with letters an inch
high. Here it is:
BLIZZARD
ID
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22

1t is reported that the Democratic
national Platform will saw nothing
about government ownership of rail-
roads, or at least it Will not demand
government ownership. Probably Mr..
Bryan has concluded there is no neces-
sity Of crossing that bridge till he gets
go
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22

While the dispatches say it must not
be understood that President Roose-
Welt is behind the Taft and Hughes
combination ticket it is safe to guess
that he won't vote against it if he gets
a chance
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22

1t is hardly probable that Governor
Hoch will sell the Marion Record Just
to ''rebuke" Marion county for giving
majority for his opponent last fall
III Governor Hoch sells the Record it
will probably be for a real reason.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22

Henry Allen is certainly a great
"1osher.'' Listen to him: "a saloon
man on North Main street says the
editor of .he Beacon will be compelled
to leave town, as were some preach
ers once. because Of the action of the
Beacon in the recent city campaign.
We certainly would hate to have this
happen. We would rather go to Jail
than leave Wichita It is the one city
IN Kansas which has visions of great
future. The other towns and cities of
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22

When General Funston gets back to
San Francisco. why wouldn't it be
good idea to turn him loose on the
grafters? Don't you remember how
he dealt with hooters after the earth
o,taIra7
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22

A student in the scholl of Journalism
recently sent to the Lawrence World
some copy in which the name of Rev
nolds, the great painter, was spelled
J-o-s-h-a-w-a- Everybody" says the
World. knows that it ought to have
been spelled J-o-s-h-a-w-a-y." Will it
be pardoned If we suggest that the
World ought not to josh away at the
journalistic school in that manner?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22
wH1RL1NG BINDING SNOW.
Very Low Temperature CROWN
Colder Every Hour.

The same dispatch from any other
state would have been put in an OBJ
scure corner of the paper under a very
small head but everybody is interest
ed in Kansas and its news is played
up" A mild snow furry in the Sun
flower state is worth more from a news
standpoint than a blizzard with de-
layed trains in Wisconsin. People
must have the news from Kansas, even
if it has to be exaggerated in the head
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22

Since the formula for treating ashes
to make them burn better than coal
has become known. thereby making
the ash heaps valuable, will the next
thing be an ash trust?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22

San Francisco win doubtless be ex-
tremely glad to get Fred Funston
back, remembering what he did in
bringing order out of chaos there a
veaT am
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22
The Perfect shortcake.

To enjoy the unique pleasure of eat
ing a genuine old-fashioned American
shortcake, one must not turn to the
foreign chef, for he will not know how
to satisfy that craving. The wise cpl
cure will search out some good Ameri-
can cook and she will prove to him
that there are gustatory delights un-
known to the best master of any for
eign cuisine. The chances are that
this will be the recipe that she will
use:
"To two cupfuls of flour add tea
spoonful and a half of baking powder,
half a tablespoonful of pure lard or
melted butter and enough sweet milk
to make the dough-" Or, if she has
become used to the more modern
methods of cookery, she may simplify
the matter by merely adding table,
spoonful of the melted butter to two
cupfuls of prepared flour, and mois-
tening it with the sweet miIk.s
In either case she will bake the
'cake' until the crust has attained
just the proper degree of crispness,
after which she will split it through
the center, will spread each piece
lavishly with the best of butter, and
when the fruit has been piled high
upon them, and has been piled high
covered with powdered sugar she will
serve them, one on top of the other
accompanied by the traditional pitch
er trimming full of thick yellow
cream.-Miles Bradford in the De-
Hneator.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22
Mark Twain and the Chestnut.

The Boston people are telling a new
story about Mark Twain, and it is this,
and a good one it is for some people to
recall on occasion. Mark was telling
stories, strangely enough, and some
young gentlemar-Perkins let US call
him after the manner of the very
young, was trying to cap them, but he
always began with that mock-modest
preface: You must have heard this
before, Mr.. Clemens" repeating the
phrase at intervals through his social
ed story. Finally Mark Is said to have
said this: :
Perkins, that's no way to tel. a
story. One night 1 was at supper with
Henry Irwin, and he had the same
old trick that you have. Perkins
You must have heard this before or,
You certainly have heard this He
began a story this way, and I said
politely, No, Irwin, L haven't though
1 didn't knew, of course, what his story
was about After he had used this
misera BILE phrase three times, 1 said to
him, Irwin, was born and raised in
Missouri where truth is at a discount
and courtesy is above par. When
friend begins a story as you do with
You must have heard this story"
courtesy prevails, and we say no, no
ma 1ter what the truth may be; and
second time we say no; but when 1t
comes, like now, to the third time, then
truth asserts herself. Yes, Irwin, I've
heard your old chestnut many, many
times: invented it, '-Harper's
Weekly.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22

InasTnuch as sentence has not yet
been pronounced on the Standard Oil
company, the people do not yet know
Just how big the fine will be that they
VIII have to pay for the Standard.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22

H. H. fuckers father was survivor
of the famous Arickaree Indian battle
Pehaps this accounts for the fact that
Tucker is something Of a fighter him
cate
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22
PULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

There is TO use in trying to make 1T
unanimous for Roosevelt. Debs will
want to run again.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22

Now that we know how to burn ou
ashes perhaps it won't be so Difficult
to keep the alleys clean.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22

The Cuban government has a sur.
plus OF $5.o00.0O0. Cuba is jus
bound to prosper If 1t has half {
chance.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22

It's going to be pretty hard to keep
peace in Cuba with $4,000 900 in the
public treasury to tempt revoIutionists.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22

Being a lumber state, there is nat
urally not a shortage of senatorial
timber in Wisconsin.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22
HOW COULD IT?

Still it is hard to comprehend hov
the ''rich mems conspiracy can in
clude a majority of the voters.-Phila
delpfia Inquirer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22
THAw CASE AND READERS.

It is a pity that Judge Fitzgerald's
order not to discuss the Thaw case or
read about it in the newspapers had to
be limited to the jury.-New York
Evening Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22
FROA OTHER PENS
roo MUCH "IINGERING. :"

If we had not had that burst of
warmth in March these chill April
days would not impress us as so unsea-
sonable and disagreeable. But that
bit of summer weather spoiled us for
any more lingering" tactics on the
part of winter. We want our spring
undiluted. Thus far. indeed, we have
had none of it at ALL. The warm days
were too warm and the chilly days
too chilly. We long for that blessed
balm of the early season, when the air
is just comfortable and not oppressive,
when there is fragrance in the breeze
and the showers are helpful and not
irritating, when the softnesS Of the
ground means upspringing grass and
not shoe-soiling mud. We dearly love
that stretchy, dangerous feeling that
we have come to, call spring fever,
when work is not merely irksome, but
impossible, when all nature is beck
oning to US to come outdoors and play
or rest.
Perhaps in a few days the north
winds will cease to blow and the
southern airs will creep up to US and
the birds will be encouraged to sing
their songs of the great cantata. Then
we can forget furnaces and CRATES and
ash es and such bothers and go out and
tinker with the vines and prop up the
roses and pull the dandelions and Won
der how long it will be before the
trees cast full shade on the wallis
Washington Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-22
TWO-CENT FARE.

The two-cent fare epidemic Is
sweeping through the land. and the
railroad doctors will simply have to
let it run it's course. 1t is not fatal
Philadelphia Inquirer.