Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1907-09-06
DI%IFTwOOD
BY lUE r. VERNON
.lN N1lS17N ~ 8 -,N.-7NlN cN.1NsHS

1t may fit kin-tight, but Taft will
try and wear Tcddy'S clothes.
lftherr is IA heaven, Ringing Broth
crS have the best show to reach it.
y lucrative office doesn't have to
set bcar-trap to catch a man these
days.
One leads u horse by the bride, an
elephant by 4 rope, Il woman by her
tongue.
Why is Il frog pop-cycd? Answer
that before you tackle eternal pun
iShmcnt.
In the hand of woman sufficiently
irate, the hatpin is mighticr than
the sword.
The best way to get rid of a news
paper that is losing money every day
is to kiU it.
What the world wants just now
more than anything else is more
turkey and less talk.
Children have very sweet diSpOSi-
tons not to sometimes resent being
told they look like their father.
If Il man tries to make fool of
himself do not try to- stop him, or he
will probably make Il fool of you too.
That 24-story building to be erect
ed in Tacoma will make the Sammy
Perkins edilicc look like dog house,
won't it?
When the draw string breaks,
straight laced dignitaricS are found
to he naturally as crooked as Il box
of pi"i fish hooks.
y fashionable grey suit. and an
imitation Panama hat. is no indica-
tion whatever, that the wcarer pays
his room-rcnt promptly.
First Olympia Citizen: "Our min
lister preached Il rare sermon to-day"
Second Olympia Citizen: Yes,
| haven't heard it before in fifteen
years.
The lawyer who encourages dam
age suits in order that he may fatten
his own bank account is Il disgrace to
an honorable profession But every
community has him.
All that glittcrs is not gold" is
an old saw. Some goody goody mora,
people you hear of in Seattle, may
have been u third-claSS mlcque way
back East. One can never tell, YOU
know
Mrs. Eddy's suit has been with
drawn. Now all Mother Eddy
has to do is to pay her lawyer, imag
inc she never was summoned to court
and keep ON selling her Christian
Science literature to dupcs and suck
crS.
The Delaware farmers son who
said that owing To the wet season
umbrellas are being raised in prefer
ence to other crops, may be called to
take charge of the funny column of
some one of the metropolitan news
papers.
a Government clerk in Washing
ton. in filling out blank for the
blue book. was obliged to answer the
question What are your marital
rclations?' His answer was. They
are hell He is now in daily fear
of getting marital relations for what
he did
\ juror on the Haywood trial said
he had presumption of the inno-
cencc of the prisoner but Il suspicion
most men are confronted nearly
every day, and they usually stress
the suspicion and ignore the pre-
sumption.
A woman whose death ut the age
of l01 is recently reported, ascribed
her longevity to her habit of eating
onions. OF course, the punk para
grapher will come along with the
wise and witty observation that such
a practice is calculated to strengthen
one $ breath.
AS corollary to the proposition
that we think with our feet, Pro
fcsSor Somebody announces that fat
legs are sign of brain-powcr. I'll
bet if he should put ON knee pants
the village wit would suggest that
he be arrested for vagrancy, being
without visible means of support.
The soul kiss" may he the very
thing for the spiritually ethical. or
whatever it is necessary to be in or
der to get the juice out of it, but the
nectar of the old fashioned mouth
buss is the spilled honey for us com
monday mortals. Who in the devil
wants to kiss girl 4 thousand miles
away or through stone wall?
1t is said that Mrs. Stuyvcsant
Fish learned to speak Swedish SO us
to be able to converse with Prince
Wilhelm, of Sweden, in his native
language, at the reception given by
Mrs. Fish in honor of the Prince at
Newport. 1t has never been re-
ported that Mrs Fish has ever
practiced or even limited at learning
to speak " baby talk.
Because Kansas drug store. dur
ing the month of July sold $3.50
worth of drugs and filled 81, 900 worth
of prescriptions for liquor, the Brook
lyn Eagic thinks " it's an i'll prohibi-
ton law that brings nobody good.
1t is evident that Legislatures will
have to 60 to reforming appetites
and passions by statute. If Il uan
takes a drink, hang him.
An Indiana Judge held that wo-
man who finds her husband in com
pany with another woman and wears
an umbrella out on him is within her
rights, and that man who defends
himself against such an attack is
guilty of assault. In the case in
point, the wife was discharged and
the husband fined so. Quicksilver
would not run OFF the top of that