The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-04-21
PAINLEGE.
DIVORCE .


 'shuddery' about marriage. Just look at this!" and she pointed to a blazing account of the Trumpet versus Trump ct affair spread out over two columns, in all its narrowing details. under a pink heading
 'Don't!' I pleaded. closing my eyes virtuously and waving the sheet away. why bother about 1t, when you won't even consider marrying"
 Marrying" Kitty squinted at me scornfully under the brim of her gar den hat.
 one doesn't consider growing ones teeth, does one?' she retorted. It's having them out that worries us and brings on nervous prostration."
 Not nowadays" I declared. calmly lighting a cigarette, in the face of all the painless methods and"
 What"
 Painless dentistry" explained, and painless surgery and-painless divorces. We can have our divorces out as eaisly and comfortably now as We our teetn.'
 MT. Curtis!" Kitty glared at me with horrihed eyes. Divorce is hor- ribler
 "Of course,' I agreed, flaming my self with my hat So is having a tooth extracted; but if you have got to do it. it's just as well to take an anaes- thetic. isn't itT'
 Kitty drew a long breath of shocked disapproval and looked at me in spechless reproach.
 "A little cocaine" I continued un- ruffied, applied to the tooth, little common sense applied to the"
 .Sh!' cried Kitty. If mamma should hear such-such ideas!'
 l glanced around apprehensively.
 They are thoroughly up to date" l declared defantly. old fashioned divorce was like old fashioned medi- cince. allopathic and bitter; nowadays 1t can be taken in a sugar coated pill Ono can cut off a wife or a husband as one cuts off finger or a mole, with out feeling the operation. Tho modern wife does not rush home to mother, leaving a trail of reproach and gossip behind her and the house in state of chaos. People who have come to the conclusion that a matrimonial surgi- cal operation Is necessary sit down to- gether and calmly discuss the easiest method. They decide on the proper lawyers and divide the furniture and the money and the bric- -brac and"
 The childrenr cried Kitty scorn- fully.
 l nodded approval
 one takes the dog," I continued.
 And the other the cat" broke in Kitty
 "One holds out for the country house -" I began.
 And the other for the Newport villa" sneered Kitty.
 And they come to an agreement" I went on, fiicking my cigarette. "as to where the boys shall be sent to school--"
 And as to whether or not the girls shall be given a Buster Brown hair
  take"
 Exactly" I agreed. And then the wife packs the husbands trunks nice ly. taking care to put in his tooth brush and his shaving soap and to re- mind him to have his trousers pressed and to keep on his heavy fiannels un- til May"
 And the husband" cried Kitty, thoughtfully hangs the parlor curtans, and puts up the summer portieres and tacks down the mating and or ders the roses set out before leaving, so that he will leave the lady perfectly comfortable
 And then." I finished waving my cigarette, they merely remark that it Is beautiful day, wish each other all sorts of luck and happiness, register a parting handshake and few last in- structions and quietly trip of to Flu rope or the country uAtil the worst is over"
 And they are not in the least sur prised.' appended Kitty, when they return, after six months or a year. to find themselves sitting opposite one an other at a fashionable dinner par ty-"
 And pleasantly discussing art or nature or the weather. or even-the past" I declared
 "Ugh!" Kitty shuddered. ITO think that anything so sacred as love and marriage"
 "Of course, it's sacred!" I broke in, opening my eyes at her In injured as- tonishment But simply because you have promised to love, honor and cher ish one another is no reason you should tear out one another's eyes the moment you wake up an discover that you have made mistake. Merely because you have once thought a person the dear est and finest and sweetest in the world is no reason you should revile him and hate him Is it?"
 But" protested Kitty. shaking her head so violently that the roses on her hat quivered with reproach. If you can't live with a man That's no reason that he isn't de- cent or even charming. Haven't you known dozens of delightful fellows that you wouldn't dream of marrying or spending your life with?'*
 " e-e-s," acquiesced Kitty doubtful | ly. glancing at me with what I consid- | cred a rather too personal significance, i but"
 And don't know scores of pretty i girls whom I would take in to dinner with joy and alacrty, but whom l wouldn't dream of ensconcing at the head of my own dinner table? Even the | Trumpets may be rathernice sort of people, I added Just because Trumpet ! has gotten on Mrs. Trumpets nerves Is no sign he's a deep-dyed villain: and the mere fact that Mrs. Trumpet has ! ceased to be endurable in his eyes doesn't brand her as a shrew or a l pariah. Just think of the attractive and worthy things in the world that we wouldn't personally want around l the house-the hundreds of instructive i books that we wouldn't spend our ! money for"
 And the beautiful hats that we couldn't wear" sighed Kitty thought fully
 And the fine painting that we don't want, and the faithful watch dogs we wouldn't keen" I added. "but that