Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-01-05
NEW ENGLAND'S GLORY
ONLY PROPER SECTION OF CoUN-
TRY TO BE BORN IN.
Man, Used Only to Mississippi River
and Rockies, Sees Fall River :.
and Berkshires.


Emerson Hough, in Appleton's Magazine.
All America is divided into three parts:
that lying east of the Appalachians, that
lying between the Appalachians and the
Rockies, and that lying between the Rock
les and the Pacific. The aforementioned
region is inhabited by New Journalists, Of
whom little is known save that they eat
human flesh. The Interior province is set
tied at wide intervals by class Of beings
who live chiefly by hunting and fishing.
or the remaining portion Of the country,
and more especially that lying between
F1atbush, Long Island, and Rutiandver-
mont, 1t Is to be said that it is the only
truly civilized portion Of America. 1t Is not
in the least worth while to have been born
anywhere in America except north OF fiat-
bush, Long Island, east of the Appalachian
mountains and south of Rutlandvermont
For myself. 1t is to be said modestly'
but with genuine regret that l was porn
among a tribe who lived practically In
state of nature. somewhere In the chaparral
west of the Mississippi river; stream
which some vain persons imagine 10 rival
in Importance Fall River, Massachusetts.
NV father was a person of no Importance
reared as he was in some obscure SOUTH
ern portion of the continent he aleo d.
ninety years of age. and l much mlsdoupt
was damned. for he chewed tobacco all MS
life was not born in New England, and
although a Christian. was not Unitarian
AS much almost might be said regarding
nv unfortunate mother. excepting IN reSdiu
to the tobacco 1t was her continual re-
gret that she did not come from New Eng
land Her last words to me were III TIE
nature of counsel that L should marry III
New England since the privilege OF pelns
born there was forever cut off from me-
inoa
none would listen to a tribesman OF 10
antecedents. SO that the best could 90
was to marry "a near Yankee whose srano
father was born in New England, out VINO
had for private reasons emlSrated 10 Min
neapolis. Minnesota. go
OF my early youth l remember but NJ
tie AT the age of three my fond fatnei
bought my first pair OF pearskln
CHAPS my first spurs. hat and slX-shoot-
err; he being resolved that l should be IN
full western fashion. and being likewise
a close student of Mr.. Remingtons west
ern fashion plates. At the age of five L mao
attained a certain proficiency with the
native weapons. and six months later l had
shot the family cook. Nevertheless, L was
considered a backward youth, because at
ten years of age | had shot but twelve
of my young friends and even at sixteen
my string was but paltry forty men OF
So True | could ride and rope; and, as
may be guessed. l never rode gentle morse
If l could find any other sort My Ian
RudRe L gained IIOI the o-CcHl MAJ hAAiiSSi
the same as invented in Brooklyn and Bos-
ton l need not state that my education
in correst western speech and department
was completed through constant study OF
the masterpieces of Mr.. Owen Wister, who
fortunately was born east of the Appala
chians and so in a position to speak
with authority. 1 may say that thus de
veloped into an average specimen of tribal
manhood.
Eastern Missionaries.
At times missionaries came among US
taught us to feel shame at our lack of
culture. I recall how shocked 1 was when
with others of my young friends, l learned
that what we had thought calf was not
a calf but a cough. Others came who tol(
us that our country was Of little worth
With one Of these gazed upon some of the
peaks of the Rocky mountains. They are
fair hills said he. but you forget Bunker
hill and the Berkshires." With another
stood by the side of the Yellowstone where
it breaks down from the mountains. This
stream" said he. would turn spindles II
located in Connecticut. but for grandeur
it cannot be compared with Bellows Falls"
With certain pride 1 showed yet another
dwellings of our main village. known as
Chicago. yet he answered me: "A good
village and worth encouraging, but you
should see Rutandvermont."
Thus it was that when / had reached
years of discretion and no longer shot the
cook 1 resolved to journey eastward and
to witness as best l might the chief places
of this holy land. Wherefore l packed two
of my best horses-usng the diamond hitch
whose throwing I had learned through
man from Connecticut-and taking my near
Yankee wife behind me upon another horse,
set forth to see what l might see.
City of Boston.
The city of Boston is located ffty-nine
and a half miles southwest of Rutlandver-
mont and is reached by passing through
that wonderful example Of modern engi-
neering skill. the Hoosac tunnel before
whose features all Colorado pales into the
strictly 3O-cent class 1t is sometimes called
and meseems correctly-the great bore
Not so with Boston. the enterprising me-
tropolis situated at the western end of the
Hoosac tunnel: for here great excitement
more especially of an Intellectual nature
continually prevails.
OF Boston 1 learned that once came
one who offered a statue Of Liberty En-
tightening the World. but to him they said:
Back to Flatbush! We are in the enlight-
ening business ourselves" l cannot say
as to this speech. l can only say that Bos-
ton is badly bent in its physical contour
Some said to me that morally also it is
laid out on the bias The streets are well
lighted with bay state gas, which is very
cheap in Boston now-cheaper than 1t was
when the company was first organized
The population of this city is Italian, as il
customary in New England The govern
ment Is wholly Irish. few French Cana
dams dwell in the suburbs. l saw also
three or four natives who confided to me
that they could not get away.
OF the hospitality of Boston 1 may not
say much. save that 1t consists largely
of pie this being in consonance with the
simple New England character. Coming to
a carayansary the clerk thereof frowned
upon me- asking me what family references
l could give. Upon my admitting that my
parents were not born in New England and
that I was married but to near-Yankee.
he remarked. ITO the woods with vouse!'
Correct Mourning.