The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-03-11

and Numerous Others; All the Pro-
seny OF Old King Al K. Hall, With
Due Apology to MY Whilom .Rar
Asseeiates,s and to the 4eentIemen
in WHITE Who Did Most Gracious
" dispense the Ardent at His Majes-
tvs Command, While. the Cash Reg
lister Rang Up "zins-s;s.s;s1.s5 Per-"
Time, A. D., 1907, just before Munich
pal Election. Place. Everywhere on
the face of the globe. including Fair
mont, w. Va.
Cast of characters as Indicated above,
and some others. including Banjo
Jim, and REASON. Enter. Janjo
Jim, addressing the entire cast, HIS
clothes dripping wet as II he had
slept in the gutter.
Banjo Jim-Hail my noble lieges. 1
am glad to see you up SO early.
Last night whilst ! slept under the
suspension bridge dreamt of my
Boyhood days, when George Washing
ton and crossed the Delaware.
John Barleycorn. The nights dew
hangs heavy on yoar police suit
Betokening vigils on Coal Run Bot
tom, Jim. Methinks your clothes
are wet.
B. j.: Right well dost thou reason, my
| noble lord: whilst making the
Rounds of the long circultous coal
coal mines, which honeycomb the
bowels
OF the earth, travelled much under
Fairmont, trailed an old
Mine track which led me out at the
old Blue Goose saloon.
Ghosts and Hobgobtfns I have seen.
and just as merged into the light
] met my old friend, Sherlock Holmes,
who had been locating the leak
In the water main by processes of In
duction.
Sherlock and took raft and many
caverns did explore,
Till we struck deep and dark and
mysterious river
Which doth run far into Your Satanic
Majesty's Kingdom,
And far below the abandoned anu az.
cient CASTOR mine.
Adventures could relate which make
the worsted hairs OF my head stand
Up on end like the fretfal quilts of a
mine rat!
And make the very blood in my veins
freeze
AS If 'twere under the hypnotic spell
OF the operating room
OF some hospital. And wandering down
to the very edge OF
The river under the suspension bridge
was rudely awakened by TIL
Angry waters of the Monongahela.
Forsooth! Sherlock heard the angry
bark of one Of Durrett-Manley's
Fox hounds. And Sherlock and did
most quickly. follow the canine
To Fort Hill, where we gazed down in
TO the valley below.
An igneous fatuus fox fire ragged about
us, which with the yelp of the
Hound made the place most uncanny.
Rising oat of the mist, ghosts of dusl<y
Indian warriors held a consultation
OF war. They even cursed William
Penn, and soon made Off to
Prickett's Creek. where later on they
charged against the Morgans.
The Old Scratch: My family hath
made a
Fool of you. Jim. Thou hast imbibed
Too freely. Your mind Is but chaotic.
Fury in its meanderings. Beware the
Stone pile in the city bastile! Much
Rum and Shakespeare hath made thee
Mad. charge thee, fee at once
To Morgantown and hide in that city
Where but few of my folk dare enter.
But let us all be merry again
And drive dull care away.
Let US have toast, toast, toast.
And drink and another and another.
Enter REASON. who after fierce
battle snatches the sceptre from Old
King Alcohol and his consort, The
Devil, and clears the bar and de.
cants as follows. over decanter of
pure cold water. All stand trem-
bling with excitement and fear:
REASON: Away with you all For
once will
Reign in this house supreme. You ask
for
A toast, and you shall have Toast
"a feast of reason and flow of soul.'
For forty long years myriads of hob
Gobblias have infested this whiskey.
The Devils consorts and cronies;
Purveying germs Of contagious crime
Have inhabited this red. fiery faid.
Imprisoned IN the slaves of oak
Longing to touch the lips of man
And drag him down the straight