Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1907-11-20

G.
Cricketts' Gigantic Scheme.
For long time / has bin bizzy
trying to maik sum money on the
side by raising chickens, but have
kom to the konklooshun that selling
eggs and spring chickens amt the
fastest way of getting ritch. Hav-
ing studded the ways Of Morgan,
ROCKEFELLER and Gates, have found
quick way of getting a good in
kom from them chickens without
working very hard. | am just 60
ing to adopt Morgans stile and in
CORPORATE my biddies. Eggs is
! worth Is cents dozen in the sitty
markets, and as l fgger that each
hen will furnish 20 dozen eggs a
year | will ishew five dollars worth
OF stock for each hen, making 500
dollars for the 100 chickens. Then
l will sell 400 shares, making that
many dollars for myself. Having
got the money, | will ishew a stait-
ment that the chickens have awl got
sum disseez and that the stock is
wurthless, and to pyoov that l be-
leev it l will purtend to sell my
stock to my herd man for five cents
on the dollar. The stockholders
will then get skaird and sell thare
stock at the Saim figger to my HERD
man, hoo OF koars is akting for me,
and I get full kontroal Of my chick
en- bizness for $40 dollars, leeving
me net profit of $3.50. With that
amownt | kan buy up a whoal lot
moar chickens and start the stock
opperayshun on larjer skail. That
is the way my friend Morgan gets
his spondewlicks, and l don't sea
why | shoodent sucksead as we'll as
he has done.
You may think it is phoolish of
me to tell thus openly of my skeam,
on the grownd that nobody will
buy the shairs in my consolidated
Henfroot Assoshiayshun. Shucks,
you don't no newman natewr.
Haint the paipers and maggyseens
for yeers bin telling people abowt
the methods Of the stock mannipew-
laitors, and amt the stock of suck
ers purity nye as big as ever? Amt
it a fakt that people will bet on the
other fellers gain imediaitly after
seeing sum other phool skun by the
gambler? Jest look at the bukket
shops in the varyus cittys and vii
lagos in owr staff. Haven't they
bin plucking thare kusstomers re-
gerlarly for yeers, and amt the saim
phools and sum new ones sholder-
ing each other owt of the way to
| git up and throw more monny into
the bag of the bucket shop men
And when they haven't got enuf
monny of thare oan to throw away
don't they sumtimes borro other
peepels monny when the oaners amt
looking, to throw it the saim way
1t is my furm beleaf that Barnum
was rite when he said the American
peepel like to be humbuggd.
Tharefoar am going to tell what
am going to do, so thare kant be
no kicking aboWt it afterwards, and
l don't beleev it will interfear at
awl with the sail of the stock.
If monny don't kom in quick enuff
from the stock, intend to ishew
bonds to the full valew of the prop.
perty and sell that, just as Morgan
does.
If at amy time in my iigantick
operayshuns in henfroot | shood rur
short of the kash nessessary to kon.
dukt my hyly onnerabel bizzness,
, figger that my friend Cortelyou will
kom to my relief with the kash il
the nashunel treshewry, saim as he
does for Morgan
Yessur, you ar likely to sea me
riding arownd in a hurrymobee
most amy day-if l kan ownly ray:
enuff monny to pay for printing the
stock and bonds; and purrhaps kar
get that dun for shairs in the kor
porayshun.
| Jimminnv- Cricketts