Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1907-03-27
SOME 5 MILE EXTRAS
Our NewEReporter Sees a FeIIer
Wade Across the Street and
Friends Think He Wuz Drunk

Muddie ave. crossins bav caused one
man lots. of splanalion. One p. m.
last wk. durin the mud bath reign
what had usifellers sinkin in mud
with both fl ct, a periikular feller wuz
irwin to navigate his way cross pacific
ave. The lectfic lights wuz dim and
he planned alzig-zag hop game for the
hersrside-then stepped on a board
what looked as if it WIZ put there fer
his benefit = Somehow the board
slipptd-he slid into the air and then
ker-plunk in the mud. Our feller felt
muddy mad but it dident skear the
mud eny. He got up and kinder
jerked one foot then tother from the
mud what clung lovin like to his new
patent lethers and pants. 1t sounded
like the big water co.'s pump suckin up
water. The worse come later when
our mud man picked hiself together
and seen some of his friends comm his
way. He tried to speak but his tongue
stuck fast for his friends waded strait
for the other side of the st. without a
howdy do. Was it snub? He
gulped and waded agin.
The fellers friends thot he was in
toxicated but he alwuz carries tenn
perate pledge what his wifey made him
sign one time. He splained things to
the shocked fellers next day. Now
he's wiser and gifts more careful in
crossin streets. Moral: some Teople
can look drunk crossin mud puddles
Some fellers say mile ought to have
danger gates at the r.r. crossins that
go up and down when the trains comes
past. Now ye reporter don't agree.
We think enybody is just as label to
get hit hard on the head with them
gates as he Is with the steam engine
and that would make the crossins just
two times as dangerous as they are
now. Keep yer eyes open and yer
mouth shut and you wont get butted
into kingdom come by the r. r. train.
/
Spring is comm. The boys are
sproutin signs of it now. They hav
been buyin package rubbers lately to
make spitball wizzers, but they got tI
Hsifi EN- la school what -sAey ain< -
no right to and that ended the fun and
the rubbers too. Now the boys is wild
over bows and arrows made out of
hickory sticks, umbrella ribs or old
whip handles and they are tryin to
make Indians out of themselves with
burnt cork, red brick dust and chicken
feathers. If the boys will take speri-
enced advise from ye reporter they will
be careful with them arrows and wont
point em at some fellers eyes or necks
and then say "dident no twas loaded, p
for then there fun will be spoilt like
the spif-ball wizzers. If ketch the
feller what struck me on the bare neck
with arrow padded with cobDle-
stone and then yelled he thot he was
aimin at rubber neck I'll spoil his
likin for Indian ways mighty quick.
" " "
Lectric meters is spensive things
sometimes. Like easter millionary.
Every click means more monte out but
Whitley Boyce come near as razor to
bein millionair. His meter in Har-
rises. Inn started to work backwards
Ikea jack mule. By this time next
year the electric co. would hav owed
Whitley lot of good money if they
hadent discovered and stopped the
blame thing in time. Ye reporter
thinks it would be good idear fer all
meters to work backwards fer change
then mayby the lectric co. would cut
down the rate and figurs if they had to
pay the bill.
Lectric juice is queer stuff. Cant see
it, cant hear it but everybody but
everybody but blind fellers can see its
manifestashuns. lis like gurls-no-
body knos what it is but it costs like
sixty.