Connecticut western news., 1907-07-11
EB, L|YERM0RE AND
 CHRISTIAN SCIENCE
UNCLE EZRA PERKINS, LETTER

UNCLE EZRA PERKINS, LETTER Effect of the Absent" Treatment
 How Eh. Made Money Money Order
 Came Back-T Thought he had Let
 fer From Teddy.
 Pompoonick, Conn.,
 July the 10, 1900 and 2. Dear MT. Editur;
 How time dug fly, don't 1t? Here I've ben kalculatin' to rite you fer ,seyrul weeks to tell you bout suthln' we've been a laffin good deel about up here in Pompoonick but with plantin the corn over twice what routed in the ground and doin' what lots on other things they iz to do just now, hain't got at it til now.
 What we hev ben neerly splittin' our sides about iz the 'speerience. Eb. Iivermore he'd with Christian sience concern what put pees in one of them papers what don't have nothin' much Tn lem but them patent medisine adver- tisements (what see you don't l1ke). We'll Eb. hez been one of the sufferers in the army of roomatism. When he wants to be smart and say suthin' reel cute, Ed. remarks that he's ben in that army SO long that he hez ben promoted from private rite on up threw to jlgga- deer brindle. Then az sort of post strip to the joke he sez that he's reeched the age limit when he ought to hev his discharge papers but can't git lem.
 This hain't got nothin to do with what wuz goin to tell you, though.
 Eb. az sed, seen this pees in the paper sayin' that Christian sciense cood list snatch roomatism bald hedded in less n no time by the absent treatment. They advertised to pull any dose ov roomatism out by the roots fer three dollar note so Eb. went down to the ex- press offs and got registered letter or money order or suthin else and sent 1t on.
 The pees In the paper sed that the treatment wood begin as soon as the three got to the doctor ED. he'd 1t fingered that it would git to the post office about sich and sich time, that the doctor wood git it so and so later. k> F sc 1yo Tor lot Uy1Z n begin to feel the treatment in % hours. When these 25 hours wuz up, he sed he kommensed to feel sorter tinglin all over like he felt when he stood i'll the circle what hooked themselves to a 'lektric battery down to the church lawn party while ago. He kept feel in better and in week said he hadn't felt so we'll in half dozen years and he'd made up hiz mind that this Chris tian silence doctorin' wuz the only kind fer him hereafter.
 The next day when the rural mail peddler come along, he brung long it and some reedin' up in the corner about it's comin' from the postoffice de- partment i'll Washinton. ED. first thought it wuz letter from the presi- dent, askin' him not to git too enthusi- astic about Bill Taft being az he might change his mind and run fer president agin hisself. Then Eb. took another look at the envelop and happened to in Cylo more n any 'lektric battery ever did you see, MT. Editur, though you needn't say nothin' about it, fer the last duzzen or ten yeers, whenever Flo. got letter with stamp in it askin' fer reply. he didn't anser if he cood help1t and if he did anser, he'd go and by postal card and use that You see when he didn't anser, he wuz two sents i'll and when he used postal he wuz sent in. He sez he has saved a lot this way.
 We'll, when he seen that Washinton postofice printin' up in the corner he thought he had been caught at his trick and wuz bein' arrested fer it. Hiz hand shook like he had the ague when he opened the letter. The first thing he seen was the money order he bought to pay fer the absent treatment fer rooma- tism. Then he read the letter. It sed that the feller what had the pees put in the paper want no Christian sience doctor at all but wuz big fraud and no male addressed to him wuz ever de- livered. Eb's letter had ben sent to the diseased correspondence division of Uncle Jam and then sent back to ED. He wuz so took back when he found that hiz roomatism hadn't ben doctored Ut all and that his feelin' better wuz all imagination that he wuz wuss the next day than he had ben before in six months.
 He wasn't goin' to let nobody find out how he he'd ben fooled but his wife told it in confidence to the wimmen at the sowin' sassiety and as Mirandy is one of