davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1907-05-23
BEYOND HELP.

A tourist arrived at the highland VII
lase and was surprised to learn that there
was not doctor within thirty miles But
how do you do" he asked an old woman,
when any of your folks are taken illF
OH said she, I'VE Just gle them glass
o whiskey." But IL that does them nc
good?" Just gle them anither ane. v
And II that does them no good" well
ist gle them another ane." But even II
n third one does them no good" "Oh
weel, II three glasses o. guild whiskey
disna cure them, they're gaun tae dee
anyway Morley Observer.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1907-05-23
A DISAPPEARANCE

Miss Spring, she come a-smilin'.
But de Northwind was so cross
Her Sunday cloes was all mussed up
An some O. dem got los.
He holer at her all day long.
She jes' set down TO cry;
Her bonnet mos bowed of her head
An de trlmmin's all awry!
We've missed her sadly: but she amt
To blame fob what she did.
She got so scarf an Justified
She went somewhat and hid!
Washington Star.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1907-05-23
THE STORY TELLER.
MARKING TIME IN THE HYMN.

MAfVNINV IIMF IN THE II ] NM
An amusing story Is told OF Scottish
minister who arrived at the kirk without
the manuscript OF his sermon. He could
not preach without It, but 1t lay In his
manse a mile away when the time had
come for him to mount into the pulpit.
Here was a poser only to be solved by
giving out the 10th Psalm. While the
congregation was singing IT, of TO his
manse for the sermon salloped the minis
ter, and with equal celebrity galloped back.
When he returned the congregation was
still at It, and he asked the clerk, with
some trepidation. how they were getting
on. "Oh, SIR was the answer. they've
got TO the end Of the eighty-fourth verse,
an they're just cheepin' like wee Mice
Bellman.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1907-05-23
VERMONT THE real. GRANITE
STATE.
(From the Essex County Herald.)

(From the Essex County Herald)
Vermont Is the real granite State. The
Woodbury. Granite company has just clos
ed . $2.OOO.OoO contract to furnish Bethel
granite to the new Wisconsin State cap
ital. The quarryng and preparing Of
the stone will occupy from eight to ten
years. and 10000 or 5000 feet OF the
granite will be used why not open up
our granite quarres over East Haven
way--if there are any?
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1907-05-23
LANDED HER.

"Juggins is going to marry that rich old
Miss Mudphense hear"
Gee! How could he persuade her that
he wasn't doing 1t for her money!"
'FIe didn't try. He merely told her that
she was too young and inexperienced 70
take care Of so much money properly
Cleveland Leader.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1907-05-23
OF A BACHELOR.

What a girl likes about being a girl is
that she isn't a man.
1t would be easier to understand why
men like to smoke il II was against the
law.
II there was any way to make men
practice what they preach they'd stop
preaching.
When a woman misses a train she feels
maybe it's Providence because it might be
wrecked.
A man could have a lot more fun play
ing solitaire at home than signing checks
In a club, but he's afraid his friends
wouldn't think so-New York Press.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1907-05-23
CNW'RITTEN JESTS.

Here are some gem answers to ques-
tons put in recent history examination
at a large private school:
Simon de Montfort formed what was
known as the Mad Parliament: it was
something the same as It is at the present
day"
Cromwell raised a famous body OF
soldiers known to history as the lron-
clads.
'Mortmain tried to stop dead men from
leaving their land to churches, London
Tatler.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1907-05-23
NO RIGHT TO COMPLAIN.

See here" cried the irate man, II pro-
pose to s,e you. L.oook at my head! You
profcssed to CURE
wait a minute" Interrupted the maker
OF Fakeley's Balsam; I'VE advertise mere
ly that we cure partial badness and
not"
well. ! was only partially bald when
started using your stuff now I haven't
a hair!"
well, then you're cured of your par
tial badness. aren't you?"-Catholic
Standard and Times
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1907-05-23
Terms-S1.O0 Year. Ia Advance
BURLINGTON, THURSDAY, MAY 2
WANTED.

When you want anything, advertise III
the new special column of this paper
Some bargains are offered there tn's
week which it will pay you to read
about. See page two. This paper mas
more than 5000 readers every week
and one cent word will reach them all
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1907-05-23
IN THESE DAYS OF AUTOS.

The artist held a masters brush.
His Country Road on Sunday"
Just seemed to quite impart the hush
That such roads lack on Monday;
Twas realism one could tell,
With shadows lightly fingered;
Why. actually man could smell
The gasolene that fingered!
Buffalo Times.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1907-05-23
HOW NAzGMovA LEA RNED ENGLISH

when I began to yam, yam In
English" said Nine, Ill Nazmova. the
Russian actress "I was no terribly dis
couraged that almost gave up in SPAR"
BY yam, yam" Nine Nazimova gave
her original conception OF the simple
sound % English. We have heard" said
the New York Times, "of the exquisite
poetry and tunefuness Of our language
as recognized by ourselves and again vafi-
Gus literary and artistic visitors have
rather brusauely contra dicted the native
good opinion but never before has speak
ing English been so queerly expressed as
by the beautiful Russian.
well now why Is IL that YOU do laugh
at me?' she asked. II said yam YAM.
yam because that Is exactly the way IL
sounded to me. When arrived in this
country ! knew not one word OF your
language, and Ia I had not persevered
would be back in Russia; but when the
managers tell to me that I must learn II
| wish to stay then l listen well and I
say TO myself. 1t Is funny. but / must do
IT, and pretty soon, before really know
It myself, I. too, am yam-yammins And
now I am glad, but, oh! ouch time as |
have! But now I can talk all day
what was the first English word you
learned Madame?"
MY first word? I know you will never
believe when | tell you, but I feel pretty
sure not many other people had the same
for beginning. It was on the steamer
coming to your country. | had the most
horrible feeling I have ever had in my
whole life What is it-oh. what is 1t that
can be the matter with me? I asked in
Russian, French and German. but no one
understood me. At last the stewardess
came to me, and she couldn't understand
either. She was American | say to her in
all the languages I know, finally l said
| 'urr. urr. urr.' and she did not answer. I
| then say 'urr. urr, urr' once more, and
pointed to my stomach and throat. She
look at me and said, sea sick
"'t'h? said l.
:" Sea sick" she answered and then shs
said It several times. while talking had
another spell come on and as I leaned
over the side Of my bed she pointed at ms
and said. sea sick When I got enough
breath to open my mouth again I nodd-
cd my head and said sea seeck.'
'Oh. l made such awful mistakes IN
lea rnng your language. I am often EN-
barrassed. but. mon Dieu. what will you
do? They tell me II is all right to say my
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Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1907-05-23
POPULATION OF SEOUL
(From the Korea Daily News)

From the Korea Daily News)
A recent estimate OF the population OF
Seoul gives the total at 1879. 305 In every
ward but the north one the number OF
males exceeds that OF females. but in
that part OF the city the number OF males
Is given as 1900, while the females are
$1,000. This would be hard to explain on
any ordinary theory OF population. Seoul
has no quarter set aside for the exclusive
residence of females.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1907-05-23
CONSIDERABLE,

Tramp-'And over yer watch, or I'll
bash yer!
Little Biggs-Here II is, and | thlnk II
only right to tell YOU it gains I'VE MN
utes q day.-lllsutrated Bits.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1907-05-23
INSULT TO INJURY.

why am ! gloomy?" demanded the I'M
desirable sutton whom she had heartlessly
ignored. isn't it enough to make man
gloomy to be cut by the one he loves
best7'
THE ideal exclaimed the heartless
girl II didn't even know that you shaved
yourself. -PlnladeIpiha Press.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1907-05-23
ELECTRICITY IN DAMASCUS.

Damascus Is the first city In tho Turk
ish empire which Is lighted by electricity
and has electric railway cars running
through its umeworn streets. The open
ing OF both systems last month was made
the occasion for public ceremony.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1907-05-23
WRONG MAN.

"Hello Hello therei Recognise me7
Do you know who this is?
II guess It's some fool GIRL" came tho
reply.
And then she rung Decentralization
Herald.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1907-05-23
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE.

SOME DAYS COLD SOME COLDER.
Some days It's cold,
Some days It's hot:
But what We want
Is what it's not.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Pleasantville weekly press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1890-1911, 1907-03-30
PROPERTY OWNERS IN
ABSECON MUST PAVE

The city authorities are advertis-
ing for bids for curbing and side-
walks within the limits of the recent
ordinance, which embraces Shore
Road from the Pleasantville line to
Cranberry Creek; Ohio Avenue from
Station Avenue to New Road; Church
Street from Shore Road to Tenth
Street; and Station Avenue from
Ohio Avenue to Shore Road. Ac-
cOrding to the terms OF the ordinance
the work must be done prior to May
lst, 1907, or the job Will be given to
the contractor who submits the low
est bid. The city solicitor Is consid-
ering the legality OF the material for
curbing and walks that the city may
lay 1t is the wish OF the authori-
ties to have cement curbs and walks
provided the ordinance viii permit
them.
Pleasantville weekly press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1890-1911, 1907-03-30
"D.W. c." DENIES ALLEGATION

tax payer proportionally share In its
benefits.
This continual mud croaking will
lead those at a distance to believe we
live Ia Swamproodle, Mud croak-
ers-Why the cannibals wouldn't eat
'em-too tough and muddy. Tenn
peraree lectures have the advantage
of them--ln that they can trot before
their audience a drunkard as an
object lesson who will remain drunk
throughout the lecture while the
mud croaker begins as soon as 1t
stops raining but old Sol peeps out
from behind the clouds calls In the
moisture and before they are through
croaklng the roads are dry and
dusty.
These croakers would certainly
contract bronchitis were they to live
in some OF Phila pretty clayey
suburbs-tHke FOlsom-some years
since when | was passing through
Its main street met a neighbor who
asked ii | met Smith on the road-no
| replied but yonder over that soft
place in the road lis his hat-on
picking it up-Smith called up "help
me out am standing on the top OF
my wagon. Were they to enjoy
those clay roads for season on
IT, cir return they would call onr
streets Paradise bouleyards.
N w N
Pleasantville weekly press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1890-1911, 1907-03-30
TRADING STAMP OFFER
1T HOSDAGH'S OPENING

Undoubtedly the most liberal offer
today by MIR. w. J. Hosbach, known
as the clothier and shoe man OF
Pleasantville. Saturday Will be
opening day at the popular old
reliable store and Mr.. Hosbach viii
give to each purchaser thirty free
trading stamps, also red letter set
of ten stamps with every purchase
OF fifty cents or more.
Mr.. Hosbach is anxious that the
people see his store on this occasion,
because he is showing the finest and
greatest assortment OF goods ever
seen in this section. Mr.. Hosbach
has purchased a large Spring stock
of "Liveright' Clothing. OF neat
checks and plaids, and you can get
just what you want from the assort-
ment on his tables. His shoe depart
ment has also received much atten-
tlon. The new spring stock contains
all the newest styles in shoes, such as
the famous SWedesboro shoes and
oxfords for men. Radcliffe, Luddy 4
Currier, Lennox shoes and oxfoRds
for women, Lennox and Boston shoe
for children.
Mr., Hosbach deals mostly from the
manufacturers and buys very little
from the jobbing trade, thus saving
the expense OF the jobbers' profit
He says he sells direct from factory
to wearer, thus saving the customer
Is to 20 per cent. Shopping will be
a pleasure at this popular store dur
ing the opening days.
Mr.. Hosbach Is strictly a one price
man; all goods marked at a fair
price and everything must be right,
Ii not, he makes 1t right. He has
secured xtra sales ladies and sales
men for the Easter trade. A visit
win do you good.
Pleasantville weekly press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1890-1911, 1907-03-30

The following is published verba-
tim, or as it was received on the
Q eIitor's desk. The reader will there
fore pardon certain deficiencies.
Dear Editor
A Mexica brigand on being captur-
ed was brought to the city for trial
the soldiers inquired for the nearest
magistrate-,pointing to their pri-
soner replie1-"Thats him you have
there" Inconsistency | point
to you Mr.. Ed. and say that's him.
Inconsistent-bec / favored
the building Of sewers before we
modernized our streets-you know
the majority downed the sewer pro
iect and would you expect me to
kick admit my motive was rather
selfish for we who are Interested IL
boarding houses need sewers but as
we are but small minority and
private homes in our sandy porous
soil can easily arrange, the mojority
was right again you say-"Here is
one who opposes Improvements
you didn't mean that-you know /
want town hall central high
school park, modernized street wheI
the residents on them ask 1t and are
willing to pay their just share OF the
costa progressive but not an op
pressive sidewalk system-shadet treee
&c II we do contract a debt let every
Pleasantville weekly press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1890-1911, 1907-03-30
THE POWER TO ISSUE BONDS

Chapter 161, Section 50, Of d General .4ot rezot-
ing to Boroughs, Revision Of 1897, says:
The council Of any borough may issue bonds
under the signat1re of the mayor and borough
clezR ucith the corporate seal aHred for the fol-
zozOing purposes: for laying out, opening 10iden-
c-rtenolng streets, aUeuues, roads, sideOalkS and
crossings, for tel1ordis51lg, Macadanzizing, paU-
ing, paU5Jlg, graUeldng curling, J7aggi1g, clean
ing and keeping in repair the same"
The preceding ertract sufficiently ref11tes the
assertion OF a correspondent, that the Borough
La0 does not permit the use Of public moneys for
pairing purposes.
Pleasantville weekly press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1890-1911, 1907-03-30
{. v. ADAMS BURIED


After a long iilnesss Mr.. E. W.
Adams died March IL. The body
was buried In Mt, Pleasant Gene
terry, after impressive funeral ser
vices had been held in Christ G. M.
Church, Rev. j. L. Price in charge,
Mr.. Adams was a member of this
church as well as OF the Union Bene-
fetal Society of English Creek. Many
floral tributes were laid on the casket
from relatives and the lodge. Mrs
Adams, two sons and four grand
children are left to mourn the de-
ceased.
Pleasantville weekly press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1890-1911, 1907-03-30
vENTNOR'S WAY

By ordinances VentnOr has estab-
lished the widths of drivewas and
sidewalks, and by notice to property
owners will proceed in the following
manner to have the streets improved:
Further notice that 1t is the inten-
ton OF said Common Council to
cause so much of the costs and ex-
penses of said improvements as re-
presents the special and peculiar
benefitawhich the abutting property
receives by reason OF said improve
ments, to be assessed upon said pro-
Derty.'
Pleasantville weekly press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1890-1911, 1907-03-30
CIVIL VS.. WAR OF rs

The "P, S. O." boys have decided
that they know something about
American history. In order to prove
their belief they have issued chal-
lenge to the ''R. A. g." club for q
public debate. The argument will
be held in the Presbyterian Chapel,
on Tuesday evening, April 16, when
capable judges viii pass upon the
merits OF the young mems oratory.
A subject has been chosen that ap-
peals to the hearts Of young and
old, which is. Resolved, "That the
Civil War was a more important
event In history than the Revolu-
tionary War.
Thes"P. 5. c." team will stand on
the affirmative ground and is COM
posed OF good material, Stanley
North, Albert Strang, Mortimer
Ware and Irwin Adams.
The negative side OF the question
will be handled by Roger Williams,
Curtis Risley, Charles Moore and
Ernest Wright.
Pleasantville weekly press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1890-1911, 1907-03-30
Neighborhood Notes Personals

| Mrs. e. A. Miller and children have
returned from visit to her home at
OCEAN Grove.
Announcement is made, and tickets
ire out, for grand musicale to be
held on April 10, s p. m, at O'Don-
nell's Hotel, In aid OF building fund
OF st. Peters Church.
Butcher Lake feels sure that his
customers will be surprised to see
the extent of the alterations 7he is
making to his store.
Miss Ethel Risley spent Saturday
and Sunday In Merchantville.
Mrs. Large and Mrs. Wilson enjoy
ed the music at st. James Episcopal
Church. Atlantic City, on Sunday
last.
The Ladies' Aid of the Presbyter-
Ian Church held their regular month
ly meeting at the home OF Mrs.
North, on Tuesday afternoon.
Current Events Club will meet
with Mrs. Schofield next Wednesday
afternoon. A full attendance is re-
quested, as this will be farewell
reception to Mrs. Stratton.
DIR. Eva w. Lake is spending a few
days in Camden.
Mrs. w. j. Hosbaeh is rapidly re-
covering from her recent serious ILL.,
ness. Her mother, Mrs. York, is now
quite Ill.
A meeting OF the stockholders OF
the Suburban Traction Co. will be
held In Solicitor Chandler's office
March 80, to vote upon an issue oi
$500, 900 worth OF new stock.
James E. Lee, OF Egg Harbor, was
10 town Thursday looking over
business interests.
The observance of Good Friday in
st. Mark Church prevents at least
two members OF the Board OF Health
from attending the regular monthly
meeting Of the latter body. Secre-
tary Reed has therefore issued call
for the Board to meet Monday even
lag, April SIh.
A big balloon landed on the mead
ows near the Country Club last Sat
urday afternoon. Two Philadel-
phians were In the basket and they
preferred to stop before going out
to sea.
Mr.. Samuel Myers was cut about
the head Thursday, the result OF
fall on the cement pavement In front
of p. B. Adams Verona avenue
home.
Pleasantville weekly press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1890-1911, 1907-03-30
81 IS NEW Light
RAIE ON april !

1t is not an easy matter to keep a
sufficient head OF steam at the electric
light plant during the period OF
replacing the old smokestack with a
new one. The latter viii be 120 feet
hight and feet in diameter, whereas
the antiquated affair was but 55 feet
high.
The Company VIII place a new
schedule of prices before customers
on April 1st, announcement OF which
appears 10 the advertising columns.
It will be noticed that the new rates
greatly benefit consumers Of cleo
tricity. The schedule which went
into effect about IS months ago
charged a minimum rate OF 81 30 for
five incandesceDt lights, but the new
rate fixes 81 as the minimum charge
for any number OF lights.
Pleasantville weekly press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1890-1911, 1907-03-30
In the Churches
ROMAN CATHOLIC

This year the feast of the annun-
citation or 1.-The word made flesh
fell on Monday In Holy. week-25th
March and In succession came each
event of Christ's terrible ordeal and
sufferings on up to Calvary's Mount
on the cross then In the tomb--cul-
minating with His glorious resurrec-
ton on Easter Morn-thus fulfilling
the scriptural number OF seven days,
an incident which may not again
occur within a century. Great pre-
parations are being made all oveI
the Christian world for the joyful
Easter Sunday, but many a heart
will weep In silence for the loved ones
who were with us on last Easter
day.
Pleasantville weekly press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1890-1911, 1907-03-30
THE ANNUAL MEETING

of the stockholders Of the
: Pleasantville Mutual Loan
and Building Association,
will be held at Association
Hall, on Saturday evening,
April 9th, at s o'clock P. M,
for the purpose Of electing
ten (10) directors for the
eensuing year, and such other
business as may be neces-
sary. A new series Of stock
will be issued at this time.
Attest:
WILLIAM W..CoNNELLY,
President
WILBUR REED,
Secretary.
Pleasantville weekly press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1890-1911, 1907-03-30

The free public library of Newark
ls making preparations to hold a
forestry exhibit in the library during
the first weeks Of April. The library
las secured the cordial cooperation
Of the Newark Shade Tree Commits
sion and the Essex County Park
Commission In an effort to make this
exhibit one of more than usual inter-
est and educative value. The press
Of Newark and OF the State is also
cooperating.
The Shade Tree Commission and
the library have already asked for
loan exhibits from such sources as
the Bureau of Forestry, Department
OF Agriculture. Washington, D. c.,
the Massachusetts Agricultural Col
l.ge, the chronological Department
Of Rutgers and the Botanical Depart
ment OF Princeton, the New York
City Museum of Natural History,
and other like Institutions. The
Shade Tree Commission is lending
material from It's own collection.
The accompanying summary gives
an idea OF the scope of the proposed
exhibit. Among other features OF
the exhibition will be specimens Of
insect enemies of trees. Illustrations
OF the injury done by these enemies,
and OF insecticides and spraying ap-
paratus used In combating them;
also specimens OF fungus and other
growth.
The Bureau OF Forestry of Wash
Pleasantville weekly press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1890-1911, 1907-03-30
FARMERS and TRUCKERS

The farmers and truckers OF the
mainland organized at O'Donnelrs
Hotel on Tuesday evening for the
purpose OF fighting the alleged arbit-
rary rulings OF Atlantic City's Board
of Health, and to protect themselves
generally.
Previous efforts along this line
have always failed owing to lack Of
interest, but now the promoters are
determined to fight their issues to q
finish. The officers elected at the
meeting are: William Hauenstein.
president; William Bonfield, Absecon,
vice president; Frank Nelligan, At
lantic City, treasurer; Michael Quinn,
lakewood, secretary. About 100 men
were present and great harmony
prevailed. Ex-Tudge Westcott, Of
Camden, has been engaged as counsel
ior the Assocjati ID.