New-York tribune., 1907-08-04
HTTHORISTS PROTEST.
Strong Words against Some Recent
I'm prOTements.
To the Editor Of The Tribune.

To the Editor OF The Tribune.
Sir: If were to prove to you that some OF the
,ernicioIsiy progressive changes under
this fair town Of destined to injure
the business and happiness OF the largest body OF
honest wOrkingmpn known 70 the Federation Of
labor would YOU not be willing 10 let me, sec
retary Of the moested union. voice the protest OF
the organizatioa through your influential columns2
l am In position to demonstrate. sir. that the
Ancient and Honorable Society OF Local Humorists
IS now having It's very existence menaCed by sew
eral radical changes In the household economy OF
the municipality. And l should Ike the privilege
OF pointing out how this IS coming to pass after
Indicate the size and Importance OF union
The Ancient and Honorable Society Of Local
HumOrists has the right TO receive a fair hearing
because It IS the largest. most cosmopolitan labor
union in the world, bar none. In making this as
sertion 10 be sure take the liberty OF including
3 members many persons who have never actu-
ally participated actively in the dO!ngs OF n. order
/ count adherents OF this society all those who
are members de facto. de jure and by hypothesis
This basis Of enumeration yields startling
figures. II shows that the society has az present
membership roll OF about 3.4962 225 IN greater New
York alone II I were also 10 reckon in those per
sons who. after perpetrating a supposed wittiCism
and thereby earning membership card. stink
away from the exasperated reading public on the
first commuters train 70 some suburb, the number
would rise far above the figure quoted. Every man
In full possession OF his normal foolishness and
frvolity Is convinced that he is hurnOrist. and
not going to dIcourage anybodys faith, for
faith i the beautiful thing IN this world
to love Only young children. idiots and profess
siOual humorists lack this beacon light OF faith:
you will observe society is assured of con-
tinuous prosperity. far mere numbers and
hrInness Of conviction bring this But there
are clouds between US and happiness. and Of these
/ wish speak
Guided by a sT.cious desire to benefit the masses.
the and city authorities have recently been
legfsating and getting generally on the nerves or
many persons and firms hitherto immune to threats
and admonitIons. I have in mind. you have
probably OWNED. the ruthless reforms being un-
dertaken by the public service board. such the
Improvement so-caIed. OF streetcar transportation
suburban traffic. bridge facilities and The
/
quite unanimous In It's praise Of these policies all
OF which proves sir how feeble IS the Insight or
even we'll read persons. Nowhere have seen any
recognition OF the which Will surely befaII
our local hurnorists on the dav these reforms are
realized. Nowhere have heard the brtefest word
expressing pity for the unfortunate mlrthmakers
whose trade and Joy will be abruptly terminated
by the abolition OF nuisances like the Brooklyn
BTldGe crush ana the iark avenue 'uiiheI $ coal
gas. one might almost believe the resultant harm
TO the humorist's profession would be triiing,
unmoved is the puUlic by the prospect Of the hu-
morists supply of raw material being totally.
almost totally. cut off
To prove the impending danger let call your
attention to the social and economic crisis the
introduction of electrical locomotives and white
wash into the dark abysseS Of the Park avenue
tunnel will precpttate For generation
this famous tunnel has been Of
nous revenue not only TO tho railway corporations
using Il for transporting the public. but also TO
local humOrists. using Il a topic for throwing
the public into transports of paroxysmic mirth. In
the files OF office. sir. have all the newspaper
and magazine clippings that have mentioned
in humorous way the Park avenue tunnel and its
iniquires The office boys tell these clippings
number now S83 927 972. and that the money spent
by the press in securing, charming erfusions
| mounts 20 the stupendous. aldermanic OF
s231 N4n pa not counting the expense Of returning
unavailable manuscripts to Park avenue tunnel
jibestars whose comments were either too pungent
or original for publication The number OF per
sons whose articles the tunnel have appeared
since the day when the first cloud OF CRIME and
gas the funny bone of travellers is 49,, Il0
As II is certain that the unpublished jokes out
number the printed ones ten 10 one. you Will per-
! existence
smile in The Bronx and Westchester hangs upon
the preservation tunnel and all its Oft sung
trritations. Since tho New York Central has in
stalled its bshting electrical service the officers
of society have made the following lamentable
discoveries:
1-ConversatIon has declined g per cent the
trains within the electric zone
Twelve Thousand three hundred and ninety
four humorists who live by the sweat OF their PEN
ell fingers have suffered from nervous prOstraton
brought on by the mad rush for another subject
which will wear as well as the Park Avenue tun-
3-Fleven thousand and seven persons have been
seriously shocked by laughing too heartily over
absolutely jokes thought UP by travelling hu-
morfsts who were forced to abandon the good old
theme.
peIs In and about New York have shrunken 10 81
per cent their former length.
Who will venture to prophesy what evils
befall the population when the New York. New
Haven & Hartford Railroad finally installs It's
completed electric service and the whitewashers
get in their fatal work of renovating the
bore The lovely art of conversation will lapse
utterly among commuters. while the woes Of the
humorists will be comparable only to the suffer
ings of KishineH and Armenia And yet even
these woes might be borne with fortitude II only
the other classic themes were left unaltered- But
tho bridge crush is soon 10 be abolished by NOV
ing sidewalks, improved terminals and 30 on: q
subway will to Long Island and forever put
an end the poems and puns about playing
bridge" 'the bridge marmalade," and all the rest
OF the bright galaxy. Furthermore the streetcar
| conductors being punished for impoiite-
ness more going to be put IN service.
New York n going to have cheap cabs, Abe Hum
mel IS playing Robinson Crusoe on the island tho
streets are being cleaned here and there and q
dozen other Innovations tearing pages swiftly
and remorselessly out OF the notebooks Of our men,
bers
We claim Sir, that this IS all class legislation OF
the rankest variety. 1t is all being done in the in
OF those unhappy persons who have no sense
of hurnor and ambition to become locally IA
nous seven days for a good Joke These miserable
citizens do not roaltSo that tho majority Of
fhAar Contemporaries love Eeoo Joke bsttsx than