The state herald., 1907-02-22
G00DBY TO THE PRETTY
MlLKMAID.

MlLkMAlD.
Where are you going, my pretty
maid?"
81 am quittin' my job, kind sir" she
said.
"And why do you quit it, my pretty
maid?"
"Cause they got milkin' machine,
she said.
(Revised version of old song.)
1t has come at last. The mechanical
mixer, long anticipated, long struggled
for, and long desired by prosaic dairy
men, has arrived. 1t took good while
to perfect it. There were many abor-
tive efforts, but persistency and pluck,
united with inventive genius, at last
reached the goal. Soon they will be
plentiful, and no longer novelty. Ev-
cry dairy will be equipped with them;
improvements will be gradually intro
duced, and eventually milking machines
will be as much matter of course as
typewriters, electric motors, sewing
machines, and thousands of other con
trivances which have ruthlessly displac-
ed old institutions by substituting the
machine for the man or the woman.
Whatever of romance fingered about
"the maiden, all forlorn, who MIXED
the COW with the crumpled horn," will
be sent to join other memories con-
nected with "the old-time entombed. :"
The old poetry will become obsolete,
and the old songs will have to be re-
written. The dimpled darlings with
milk pals on their heads, rowing throu-
gh bosky dells in search of Brindle ano
Red and Roam, disappear in the dim
distance, and the spring-colic school of
poets will be disconsolate.
OF course, it had to come sooner or lat
er. The inventor is no respecter Of
persons, commcfciSiism knows no sem
timent, and this age of utility is as des-
titute of rhyme ms the rhymers are des-
tute of reason. The milkmaid herself is
good deal to blame. III she had not
persisted in being so scarce, had not
been so difficult to procure in sufficient
numbers, and had been more reliable
when found, the milking-machine might
have been postponed for some time.
Despite the romance associated with II
by the vealy poets. milking is really
hard work. Few women like to do IL,
and practically no men. 1t is the aver
sion Of the average hired man. and
most of them, rather than milk cows,
went on in search Of another job. Thus,
the man with score or more Of cows
upon his place. is constantly worried
over the problem Of securing good milk
ers. 1t Is out Of the question to get G.
nough women. and the men being even
more difficult to obtain. the large dairy
man is made gray and bald-headed over
the eternal labor problem. 1t may be
| imagined, therefore, how anxiously he
looked for the milk machine, and how
eagerly he welcomed It's arrival. just
what the COW thinks about II is Us yet
unknown. but the wise ones declare that
she, too, would express her judgment,
II she could talk, as the machine will
be an improvement in every way over
the maid.
The merits OF the machine are many,
no, the least among them being their
certainty OF operation and reliability.
They do not get hutry. like milkmaids,
and quit In high dudgeon because the
manager spoke rude to her" They
do not demand higher wages and go on
strike. ms men and women are sure TO
do now and then; neither do they qui,
to attend the circus. Milkmnids. like
other women, have fatal facility fof
falling In love and natural instinct TO
get married. This. while commondablo
and romantic, often upsets the dairy
mans plans. and he never knows when
favorite milkmaid and Rkillful worker
is going TO walk OIL to church with cher
fellcr." For Il Ia easy to see that the
cold d-blooded. mechanical machine never
suffers from any Of these weaknesses,
and hence is greatly to be preferred by
the sensible dairy owner who Is after
milk and butter AMI not sentiment
Thus Il Ia that we ace the milkmaid's
more or lcss dimplcd arms giving place
10 vacuum air tubes, gasoline engines
and the machnn,ions Of the mechanical
mixer.
The milking machine itself is small
affair. Its main feature Ia n piston, nc.
tuntcd by vacuum suction. reproducing
pulsations similar 10 the movements Of
the human hand engaged In milking.
10 the machine are attached two rub.