davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-10-18
A Fish Story.


Brown had returned from a fishing
expedition II after ~partaking OF a
most welcome dinner was relating some
OF his fishing experiences.
Last year. said he, while fishing
for pike | dropped half a sovereign.
/ went TO the same place this year and
after my line had been east for a few
minutes / felt "A terrific pull. Event
ually / landed a fine pike which had
swallowed the hook, and on cutting it
open to release the hook, to my amaze
ment'-
.Ah,' said his friends, you found
a half sovereign"
"Oh, no." replied Brown. Il found
nine shillings, ~siXpence III silver and
threepence in copper"
We'll. what became of the other
t~hrecpence?" queried his friends.
Il suppos the pike paid to go
through the lock with 1t. answered
Brown.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-10-18
Corned Beef and

Don Marino Torlonia of the famous ducal
family Of Torlonia in Rome praised Amer
lean cigars at a dinner in New York.
Our Italian cigars are not so good" he
said. They are made by the government.
They are as long and thin as a lead pen.
ell, and they have a straw In the middle
otherwise they would not draw.
You light these Italian cigars Of ours
over a lamp, a specially made cigar lamI
that burns with a strong flame. The
lighting requires from three TO five min.
utes.
These cigars, for all the trouble they
take, are poor. / gave one 10 an American
in Rome one morning. He put it In his
pocket and said he would smoke it later.
II met him again that night at the Cafe
NaZionale i'm the Corso.
Well i said, how did you like my
cigar?'
oh, ii was excellent said he. Il en-
joyed IL immensely. I had II boiled for my
dinner with some corned beef
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-10-18
In the interests of Peace.

A party of youths were camping in
the mountains Of the upstate district,
one of them disturbed the others ev-
cry momen his lungs would allow by a
ceaseless attempt to sing. One Of the
party, being somewhat Of a musician,
inwardly vowed vengeance, and at last
determined to put his feelings to words.
Supper was in progress as the would
be singer entered. At the end OF the
verse he turned to the musician and
said:
The funny thing about me Is that
/ a sing with a chew in"
The musician looked at him In q kind
of charitably- contemplate way, and
answered In a long drawl:
We'll. then, for goodness sake put
q chew in"
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-10-18
Old Turkish Joke.

Among the many anecdotes related Of
the old Turkish joker, DISQUALIFICATION
ia, is the following: Khodja went one
evening to the well to draw water. and,
looking down to the bottom. he saw the
moon. Quickly he ran into the house and
got a rope with a hook attached to The
enc Of il. This he lowered into the well
The hook caught fast on q stone. khodja
pulled desperately, the hook gave way,
and there was the joker, fat on his back,
staring up into the sky.
Upon my soul" he exclaimed, p~erceiv-
ing the moon, Il have had a bad fall,
l have put the moon back in its
place
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-10-18
A DANGEROUS Condition.

Bachelors" said George AIDE at a din
ner-Mr. AIDE is himself a bachelor
have a certain grim and sardonic humor.
due, no doubt, to the bleakness OF their
lonely lives.
Il was once demonstrating with a bach
elor In New York.
NO, L said to him, stay here with us.
A poker game is to start soon. Don't you
know, my dear fellow, that a man should
never call on a girl when he has been
drinking?'
Tha is right said the bachelor, TAX
Ing off his hat and coat. Many a man
has become engaged through so doing"
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-10-18
Quaker Reflections.

From the Philadelphia Record.
Second thoughts may be BEST, If they
are IN time,
The people who are rolling in wealth
might find a better use for 1t.
1t is not until baseball is in its last
throes that football is featured.
Even the close mouthed man must
open up when the dentist gets at him.
When a man marries for money the
woman seldom gets her moneys worth.
The people who come up to u ex-
pectatfons are those we measure with
the golden rule
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-10-18

dizzy spells. For ten years | could not
do housework, and for two years did
not get out OF the house. The kidney
secretions were irregular, and doctors
were not helping me. Doau's Kidney
Pills brought me quick relief. and final
ly cured me. They saved my life"
Sold by all dealers. so cents a box.
Foster-Milburu Co.. Buffalo. y. Y.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-10-18
So Many?

They went to dinner together. He
was very bashful, and she tried in vain
to draw him out. Finally she began to
talk about books and he became re.
sponsive.
And Hugo, she asked, do you like
his style?'
oh, yes he replied, Il find him in,
teEsely interesting. I've read a number
of his books"
Then she asked: Have you read
'Ninety-three?'"
mo, TVe-er-only read three. l
didn't know he had written SO many"
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-10-18
Extra CHARGE.

He was a stout, pudgy person, liable to
be iritated early in the morning-evidently
subject TO indigest.on-and he walked into
the dining room with anything but good
grace. Turning to the Italian waiter he
said:
Haven't you people any conscience
here"
The child Of the sunny south only
shrugged his shoulders and suaveIy re-
Piled:
"Ecf Get ces not on re bills eet ees
charged extra for"
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-10-18
Definition OF a Lie.

I rom INC LuIHtTdI OOstTNtI.
The vicar was addressing the schooI
on the subject of truth. He e~xpounded
at some length on the wickedness of
lying, and before going on to the
merits OF speaking the truth he thought
he would see il the children really UNI
derstood him.
Now" aid he. "can any one tell
me what a lie is?"
Immediately a number or small hands
Shot up. The vicar selected a bright
looking youngster.
We'll. my little MANI"
please, sir, a lie is an abomination
into every one, but a very pleasant
help in time OF rouble.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-10-18
No Loafinu There.

From the Philadelphia Press.
I'VE are told, you know" said the
tri1er in love. that the eyes are just
the windows of the heart. Now, when
/ look into your eyes
Il hope" interrupted the bright girl,
you notice the signs in the windows"
What signs?"
IN admittance except on bust
ness"
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-10-18

fifteen years | was a
great sufferer from
kidney troubles. My
back panied me terri
bly,. Every turn or
move caused sharp,
shooting pains. My
eyesight was poor,
dark spots appeared
before me. and | had
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-10-18
The LIVING Mother Used to Make.

TIDM IUCK.
Mrs. Johnson lover the tub)-Doani
All mex you a good Twin, Henry Clay
Johnston
Mr.. Johnston-Topble. chile-tolble.j
But yo' sh'd have seen de way NAH
mothah suppohted NAH fathah!
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-10-18

From the Fliegende Blaettcr.
81 don't see why you should abuse the
teetotalers so. / drank a glass of water
once, and il idn't do me any harm"
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-10-18

rsrs. WinEIOWs >ColHa;G s1BUP sor Caildrsr
teethinR' sottens the Ful.s. r5GUCes Inflammation 81
lays pain. cures wind octio - cent q lcttls
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-10-18

From the Philadelphia Press.
Il see you've got a motor car. l don't
suppose it's hard tc ram"
mot nearly so haId as 81 is to walk.
That's what makes rc tired.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-10-18

A comforting thing ior women is how
they can know things aren't true but be-
lieve they are.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-10-18
TEN EAR OF PAIN.

Unable to Do Even H~Ousework BE-
cause of Kidney Troubles.
Mrs. Margaret Emmerich, OF Clin-
ton street, Napoleon, Ohio, says: "For
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-10-18
The Arrival.

"Wilt thou, fair maid" the poet said,
"A couplet make with me2'
She smiled, she blushed. she hung her
head,
I'm not averse.'' said she,
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-12-06

Not many generations ago mermaids
and mermen were believed in implicit
ly. Says the Aberd en- Almanac of
New Representations For the Year
1858: ITO conclude for this year 1858.
Near the place where the famous Dee
payeth his tribute to the German
ocean, if curious observers of wonder
full things in nature will be pleased
thither to resort the 1, 10 and 20 of
May and in divers other times in the
ensuing summer, as also in the harvest
time, to the and IA October, they
will undoubtedly see pretty company
of mar maids, creatures of admirable
beauty and likewise hear their charm
Ing sweet melodious voices
I'm well tun'd measures and harmonious
lays,
Extol their maker and his bounty praise.
That cody honest men, in everything,
In quiet peace may live, God save the
kingv'
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-12-06
A Mistake.

Not one of US, even the most good
natured, likes to have his mistakes
pointed out. We may appear not to
mind corrections and accept them with
a smile, but it is human nature to
smart under correction, although some
of us may be clever enough to conceal
the smart; hence the fewer mistakes
we call attention to in others the bet
ter. TNo-thirds of the mistakes We
make are trivial. Their correction is
unimportant. Why, then, notice them?
Yet some people do, and do SO con-
stantly. A person speaks of having
done certain thing on Thursday,
when in reality it was done ON Wednes-
day If no important point is involv-
ed, why call attention to the mistake?
What good does it do to have the ex-
act day set right? 1t is matter of
no importance, so why insist upon cor
recting the trivial error? Stanch
friendships have often been pricked
by this needle of useless correction.
1t is great art, this art of learning
to allow others to be mistaken when
the mistake is unimportant. Few
learn it, but those who do are among
the most comfortable friends one can
have,
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-12-06

Il want to learn the latest thing in
hairdressing," said the visitor as soon
as she landed in New York. flake me
to hairdresser's establishment, so
can look things over"
mo, indeed" said her New York
friend 1--WE will go there after you
know what you wish to buy, but the
place to learn how to dress your hair
is in the dry goods shops. All you
have to do is to study the salesgirls'
hair. 1t is always done in the latest
mode, and they all do it alike, so you
cannot mistake. Sometimes it is badly
exaggerated, but, of course, you don't
have to copy that"
81 didn't know the shopgirls were
your arbiters of fashion in New York"
mot in all respects, but, you see, hair
dressing doesn't cost anything. To
have the latest styles in clothes or
Jewelry is expensive, but one can be
a very bowling swell in the matter Of
hair without its costing a cent. Be-
sides, they are usually restricted in
the matter of gowns to plain black or
possibly white blouses, so they take
it all out in doing their hair."-New
York Press.
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-12-06
The Invention of spinnina.

The invention of the art of spinning
was ascribed by the ancients to Miner
va, the goddess of wisdom. The date
1900 B. c. is given as that of the be-
ginning of the art in Greece, under
the direction of the king of Arcadia,
but pictured inscriptions on Egyptian
monuments show that the use of the
spindle and distaff was known in that
country much earlier. The first distaff
was simply stick, around which the
fiber to be spun was looselya coiled,.
held in the left hand; the spindle wasI
sort of top set in motion by a twirlI
of the hand, the fiber passing betweeni
the finger aud thumb of the right hand.
This invention was improved upon In
the course of time by placing the spin
die in Il frame and making it revolve
by mechanical action Of the hand or
foot in connection with wheel or
treadle. thus giving the true spinning
wheel. The first recorded use of this
was in the early years of the sixteenth
century. but it was probably made and
used long before this. The first spin
ming jenny, a machine working eight
spindles, was invented In 17G7.
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-12-06
Commitments A0sr Death.

There is a German proverb which
says, MAN DART nur sterben UNI gelobt
gu werden" eve need only die in order
to get praised. This, we cannot help
but admit, is fairly true in a general
sense, and If we required any proof or
confirmation the epitaphs in ceme-
teries, churchyards and churches
would readily furnish it. Indeed if we
had no other testimony to go by than
these pious inscriptions we might al
most fancy that men and women had
arrived at such a state of perfection
that they were little less than angels.
Death, like time, is a great healer of
wounds, a great soother of passions, a
great calmer of turbulent thoughts, a
slayer of enmity. He is the peace
maker par excellence, having caused
the saying to gain general currency
that we should say nothing of the dead
but what is good. Among the laws of
the Twelve Tables" compiled by the
Decemviri, there was one which, in
fact forbade to speak injuriously of
the dead. 1t is in exchange for this
doubtless that we are always doubly
anxious and ready to vilify the living.
Westminster Gazette.
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-12-06
What Is Patriotism?

What is patriotism? Is it narrow
affection for the spot where man
was born? Are the very clods where
we tread entitled to this ardent prefer
ence because they are greener? No,
sir. This is not the character of the
virtue and 1t scars higher for its OBJ
ject. 1t is an extended self love, min
Cling with all the enjoyments of life
and twisting itself with the minutest
fllaments of the heart. 1t is thus we
obey the laws of society, because they
are the laws of virtue. In their au-
thority we see not the array of force
and terror, but the venerable image
of our country's honor. Every good
cftizeu makes that honor his own and
cherishes it not only as precious, but
as sacred. He is willing to risk his
Wife in its defense and is conscious that
he gains projection while he gives it
Fisher AmeS P $780,,
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-12-06
italian Regard For Animals.

b. On the occasion l was a passenger
on one of the lake steamers which ply
between Desenzano and Riya. 1t was
a day Of wild wind and driving storm.
At Salo peasant of a peculiarly tru-
culent type came on board, clad in the
shaggy cloak of the district and bear
ing a vast blue umbrella no less indig
enous. With him, too, he brought his
donkey. Now, even Italian steamers
do not knowingly admit quadrupeds Of
this size to the shelter of the fore
cabin, though possibly if they did no
great harm would be done or senti-
ment violated. The beast, therefore,
was tethered on the open deck and
thus became exposed to the fury of
wind and weather, not to mention the
wave. "A British peasant would prob
ably have accepted the situation and
let him bide. Not so the Lombard.
Hastily divesting himself of his ample
overcoat, he spread it carefully over
the lower animals back and, unfurl-
ing his voluminous umbrella, held that
patiently over the asinine head-and
his own-all the way to Riva. Now,
here, surely, was a good man, merci-
full to his beast.-London Times.
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-12-06
Retaliation.

A man who was guest at one of
the summer resorts in West Virginia
tells Of a wedding ceremony he wit
messed in the town near by.
The minister was young and easily
embarrassed. 1t was the first wedding
he had ever undertaken. The prospec-
tive bride and groom were both youn-
ger and still more easily embarrassed
than he.
When the minister had finished the
service and muttered a few kindly but
hating words to the young couple he
had just united the bride looked at
him, blushing, but confident.
Thank YER" she said clearly. ITS
shore kind o yer to congratulate US,
an as long as you haven't ever been
married yit maybe We'll have chance
some day to retaliate." - Harper's
Weekly.
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-12-06
BOTH STORES
Lemon Street
An Ancient Death Legend.

An eastern legend says that as Solo
mon one day was consulting with his
grand vizier, the angel of death ap-
peared and cast searching look at
Solomon's companion. The startled
vizier Immediately begged the great
king to lend him certain magic rug
on which whoever sat could be trans
ported in an instant to the remotest
part of the earth. The king granted
the request. The vizier stepped upon
the rug and babe 1t transport him to
the center of the desert of Arabia. 1t
bore him away instantly. The angel of
death stopped moment in his fight
to say to Solomon: 81 looked at that
man so closely because was surpris-
ed to find him here, as l had been
commanded to summon his soul and
was told that should find him in the
center of the great desert" Then the
angel passed on and a moment later
met the vizier in the appointed place.
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-12-06
NOTHING Doinu,

A playwright discussed at a dinner
in New York the art of acting.
Il believe" said he, Sin subtlety and
restraint. A nod, shake of the head,
a silent pause-these things are often
more effective than the most violent
yelling and ranting.
Life is like that, subtle and silent.
What, for instance, could be more ex-
pressive than this scene, a scene with
out a spoken word, that 1 once wit
messed in the country?
"An undertaken stood on a corner
near noble mansion. He elevated his
brows hopefully and inquiringly as a
physician came from the house. The
physician, COMPRISING his lips, shook
his head decidedly and hurried to his
carriage. Then the undertaken, with
a sigh, passed on"
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-12-06
If It's Quality You're After,


Kemembef Inc SInBeT SsW'NB I8IaO''''O'
Not oaly quality but for up-o-date consrue'"n the
SINGER been yeaalways just little better
than rest
SINGER adv which not know,
pleased youbecause we are IN the Saving
bottom because
make living it The SINGER may be seen ut me
nent e. O. EARLES All Lemon ST. Palatka Fla who WI ne
reased according yonr pockebook
CASH 3 CREDIT.
L. JACKSON Salesman Collector, Gainesville, Fla
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-12-06

The late Senator Plat of Connecticut
enjoyed funny stories and could tell a
good many himself Notwithstanding
his long public life, he always remem-
bered a yarn that he carried from his
school days.
One year when the district schools
opened in his town one of the teachers
in making a record of the ages Of her
pupils, as required by law, found that
one little girl, who came from a fami-
ly not noted for being especially
bright, was unable to say when her
birthday came.
So in order to complete her records
the teacher walked two miles to see
the girls mother one afternoon after
school. Asked if she could remember
just when her daughter was born, the
woman thought for some little time
and then, with a sort of puzzled look,
said:
"Well, the gal was born in later
time, that's sure, but l can't member
whether they was a-plantin' on 'em or
a-diggin on 'em."-Boston Herald.
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-12-06
A Spurqeon Ruse,

Spurgeon, the famous English dl-
vine, once passed stonemason who,
after each stroke of his hammer, ours
ed and swore. Mr.. Sturgeon laid his
hand on his shoulder and, looking kind
ly at him, said: you are an adept at
swearing. Can you also pray"
With another oath he replied, "Not
very likely"
Holding up . shillings, Mr.. Sturgeon
said if he would promise never to pray
he would give him that
THAT is easily earned" said the
man, with fresh oath, and put it in
his pocket When Spurgeon left the
man began to feel little queer. When
he went home his wife asked him what
allied him, and he told her. "It is Jul
das' money" said the man, and on a
sudden impulse he threw it into the
fire. The wife found 1t and took 1t
out and discovered who had given it
to him. The man took it back to Spur
geon, who conversed long with him,
warning him, and at length was the
means of saving him. He became an
attached member of his flock.
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-12-06
What II Costs to Feel and Think.

What Ii Costs to Feel and Think.
Every throb of pleasure costs some
thing to the physical system, and two
throbs cost twice as much as one. If
we cannot fix a precise equivalent it
is not because the relation is not def
mite, but from the difficulties of reduc
ing degrees of pleasure to a recognized
standard. OF this, however, there can
be no reasonable doubt-namely, that
large amount of pleasure supposes
correspondingly large expenditure of
blood and nerve tissue, to the stinting,
perhaps, of the active energies and the
intellectual processes. 1t is a matter
Of practical moment to ascertain what
pleasures cost least, for there are
thrifty and unthrifty modes of spend
ing our brain and hearts blood. One
Of the safest Of delights, If not very
acute, is the delight of Astounding
physical vigor, for, from the very sup
position, the supply to the brain is not
such as to interfere with the general
interests of the system.-Alexander
Balm.
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-12-06

Nature has Just one pigment on ner palette
with which she produces all the marvellous
tints OF beauty and that one pigment Is the
blood. The shell-like pink beneath the finger
nails the delicate rose of the cheek, the cherry
ripeness Of the lips, the irridesCe1t brtllianee
OF the eyes are all produced by the blood.
Just as the permanence Of beautiful painting
VIII depend upon the purity of the colors witt
whieh II Is ralnted, so the permanence of beau
" depends on he purity OF the blood Paint
powder and cosmetics won't avail TO preserve
beauty feluty begins in the blood. Or
Pierce's Golden Me Ideal Discovery Is thu,
beautlher, because 10, provides for nature that
nure blood with which alone she can paint
The use OF this medicine win cleanse the skin
heiEhten the complexion. brighten the eyes,
ana give to face and form that radiance Of
health which IS the greatest charm OF beauty
ThiS Is not patent medicine" becans,
every bottle bears upon its wrapper fun list
OF the Ingredients. send for free booklet 10
DR.. R.V Pierce, RufTalo, n. Y
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-12-06
Made Il Complete.

When Lablache, the famous operate
singer, was presented to Queen Vic
toria her majesty, who had heard of
the artists hobby, asked If it was true
that he had large collection of snuff
boxes. He replied that it was correct.
He had one for every day in the year
--365.
Nevertheless, your collection is not
quite complete" was the queens re-
Spouse. Here is another for leap
year."-Pearson's Weekly.
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-12-06

Had dyspepsia or indigestion for
years. No appetite, and what did
eat distressed me terribly. Burdock
Blood Bitters cured mel. H.
Walker, Sunbnry, Ohio.