Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-12-07
SOME ADDITIONAL KNOCKS
AT POOR OLD NEW YORK

the changer Nary a fare. They pouch
the rake-off and say. Thanks" 1t would
be hard to imagine a Washington bar
keep doing that. But We live In a world
Of changing and changeable customs.
masters
On Sunday night that bestial eshibition
yclept the six-day bicycle race" Is TO be-
gin again at the garden. This wise popu.
iation will. as usual. break innumerable
ankle bones In buying tickets for that
grisiy. naussating exhibition of british,
wheel-mounted low-brows jogging around
the banked track. This six-day bicycle
race" has been a singularly rancid and
obvious fake for years and years past 1t
isn't any race at all. The fact has been
as manifest as the full moon any time
these past nve years at least. And yet
they flock to 1t and bawI their heads Off
and get all hoarsened up over it. The
spectacle itself OF these non-evoluted
balloons gyrating around the track. and
theic oetween-sprinting activities. will
turn the stomachs of persons with a nice
sense of intestinal balance But they
like 1t over here and they can have It,
The Subway "Bouncers."
If you don't ''step-lively, now. youse."
enough to suit an outfit that has a hum
dred millions or so in watered stock upon
which to pay dividends. then you've got
to be made to. that's all. This Is the
why and wherefore OF those huge new
step-livelfes" who've been employed by
the subway outfit ito handle the throngs
curing the rush hours" These step-lve-
lies nave the general lines and conforma-
tion or scandinavian lumberjacks They
wear the heavy brogans hobnailed. that
are esteemed the correct kink by lumber
Jacks and SIGH. But they have an addI-
tloha: motive in wearing such footgear.
IL subway travellers don't step sufficiently
lively, why, the make-'em step-Iivelies.
VINO stand on the platfo Just deposit
thcse brogans in whatever portion of the
anatomies of the men women whom
they desire to accelerate as comes handi-
est Briefly. their method of step-livelying
people Is to kick 'em into stepping lively.
These things, praise be. all have their
compensating delights.
,iys,, esw evenings enisss ago one Of the step
shy OF seven feet in height that there
wouldn't be any sense in fighting about
the odd inch or So picked out quite the
wrong MulliSan upon whom to impart
velocity by the broganning process. This
wrong one was a small. wiry practical
plumber. who. with his kit of tools swad-
died in bit of carpet. was doing the best
he could to get home somewhere or other
after. presumably, d hard days work.
Maybe he was a bit stiff or something.
or Just tired: anyhow. as he made the
best of his way toward the open slide
door of one of the Subway trains IL oc-
Cured to the gigantic step-lively that he
wasn't going fast enough. So. wasting no
thought upon. matter of such slight
moment, the large step-lively raised
of his number eighteen things and. sunk
it for little space in vulnerable part
of the person OF the homing plumber
The latters conduct was surprisingly
mpetuous and petulant
He pulled back from the encircling
crowd with a jerk. wheeled around. and.
from beenath the peak Of his for'ard-
tilted cap, he took short but encom-
passing survey of the large one who'd
,l-.zl Ii.
up to the large oRa--rrd touched him on
the elbow. by way of inviting his atten-
ftion. Then spake h, to the step-liyely:
The Plumber Retaliates.
Say. dye know wot I'm a-goin' t. do
It y big tub O. buttermilk? No? Well.
I'm jes a-goin' t. hand yous, tn blgges
belt on tn hair that youse ever got in y'r
life-do youse ak-we-ess that. y big slab
O cheese!' The action was suited to
the word with Perfect artistry. Hauling
his kit of tools. which had hung from
one shoulder by sort of strap. as far
back as he could to gain leverage the
why little plumber person let it fly at the
sky-block of the step-lively. and the i'm
pact was one of those fine. Gina jor, soul
satisfying things that you only have the
chance to lend the ear unto once in a
great while. The step-lively was carried
right off his feet with it, and landed. In a
confused huddle, on the track below, with
parts Of his person only about an inch or
so from the Euthanasatic third, rail- In
stantly, you'd have thought You w.re
listening to a claque at a grand opera
The folks just beat their palms together
like cymbal performers. The plumber
effaced himself quickly and got on board
a forward car without the assistance OF
any more bootery. But that which he
did unto the step-lively was one of the
really incest and enjoyablest things we've
noticed for quite a little spell. Other
step-lvelies will merit, and obtain, the
same treatment. Just watch.
Have you noticed in some of the New
York papers lately all OF those pifflerino
bunk yarns about the alleys of Washing
lnation," and other real-horrid- so-there-
now things like tfiat?. Yes, indeedy! Quite
a few New York papers are becoming
really worked up in the vicinage of the
thorax about the alleys of Washington
Funny, when you come to think II over
for a brief little space. Especially when
you remember how many miles upon
miles of unspeakably vile stew-sectlons
there are in New York that are not alleys
make the circuitous filth-pathways or
Canton. China, look like dandelloned pas
lures by comparison. The Washington al
leys? Oh. ye-eh, come to think OF IL,
there are a few inhabited alleys hid away
in Washington. But, admitting the same.
how does that become the particular busi-
ness of the residents of the confessedly
dirtiest and wallowingest city IN the
western hemisphere? It's an acute case
But one does wish that these Manhat-
tanite buttinskis would behave.
CLARENCE L. CULLEN.