The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-01-01
BY F. P. DUNNE.

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 Ell. Sir" said MT. Dooley, fin a few ! more days tn New Year will be here an we'll all date our letters nineteen
 hundhred an six" '.~
 It's been a gr-reat year." said MT, Hennessy. ie
 Its year that will stand out in l tn histhry iv tn counthry like eigh-
 teen hundred an two" said Mir. Doo- ley. i've been readin' about 1t an I'm proud I lived through 1t an glad. It's been a wonderful year, accordin' to this pa-aper. Mine an facthry have 1 poured out their threasures iv steel. poured out their treasures iv steel, cop per- copper stock. bed springs. hair ile. chewin' gum, glass eyes. patent cork screws safety raZors, union undher- wear an see-gars an all tn other gloryous products that make us free. happy. united. an intellechool people. No wan has been out iv employment who wanted to wurruk an many who didn't. We've been staggerin' undreh such a load iv mateeryal wealth that if we can't dump some iv itfI don't know jwhatli happen to us. We ar-re 60 rich that If we were amy richer we'd be broke Tn banks ar-re bursting with goold or without it. as the case may be. q
 Anywhere turn see men that a year ago were compelled to live in tn humblest surroundings on N an fifty a day now livin' in tn same surround ings although they get wan sixty five a day. Such is tn force fv habit. Take me own case. Tn best index, as Hogan says, iv tn condition iv tn country Is tn liquor business. Well. Sir, I've been sthruck be tn wave iv prosperity. Ivrything has boomed Tn rent is up fifty per cint, tn wholesale price fv Mrs. Nations soothin' Syrup has raised twinty-five per clint. an tn size iv me prosperous customers drinks has i'm creased, as it looks to me firm a bur-rd's eye view. about tur hundhrec per cint. I can't raise tn price iv a sample iv this Fountain iv Perpetchool. Youth above fifteen cents or two fir a quarther. That price has been set tied fir cinchries. As sicrity Shaw
 wud say it's part iv tn fundymintal faith iv our people. It's a case W where relliJon intherferes with polly tickal economy.
 If cud I'd thry to make tn figures on tn bill iv fare keep step with tn rent an tn price iv beefsteak. But if I did I'd be dhriven out iv tn ward be an indignant popylace But, thank tn Lord. I always thry to look on tn bright side iv things. In tn mis- fv all this prosperity that makes life twice as expfnsive to me as 1t was while It was a luxury and befure 1t become necessity, rayjoice, as Hogan says. that I'm a citizen iv no mean city ad- joining a large lake with small wa ter tax. Have another dhrink, Hin missy. Barrin' typhoid fever, there isn't a headache in a bar'l iv it.
 Yes. Sir. nineteen hundred an six has been a grand year. About this time tn pa-apers prints an account iv Here it Is in this pa-aper. Let me see:
 Nineteen hundred an six will go down into histhry-ye bet 1t will U~m- m, remarkable peeryod. Niver be- fure has a counthry been blessed with such--bursting gran rtes-universa. welfare-car shortage-lack iv money ostenation in tn rich-insurance scan- dals-increase dhrunkenness,-iet me see, let me see. Oh, here 1t is. Pro- gress iv tn wurru1d in nineteen hun dhred an six
 'Science.-Feb'ry third: Profissor Schmitt- schmitt iv Berlin raypoorts tn discovery iv a new element that en- ables him to converse with tn spirit
 wurruld. relieves tn human body iv weight. cures whoopin' cough, an
 makes hair grow on tn baldest head.
 
 is worthy ninety millyon dollars an ounce. Feb'ry foorth: Proftssor Schmittschmitt tn famous scientist an discov-rer iv Gaboozulum, has been committed to a rest cure in tn South iv Germany July first: Camel Film flammarion announces that he has dis tinctly seen people swimmin' in tn ca nals iv Mars. July second. While Camel Flimflammation. tn discov-rer iv life on tn planet Mars, was wa!kin yisterdah in tn Change All AisS, his little dog broke away firm him an tn gr-reat astronomer fell down a coal
 hole an broke his leg. August nine: Erastus Moses iv South Birmingham,
 Matsachoosetts. patents a new method iv preparin' curled hair.
 'Exploration.-April first. Lemoni, tn lnthrepid Artic explorer. starts on
 his fifty fifth attimpt to discover tn North Pole. July first: I1emoni, tn in-
 threpid Art!c explorer, has put in to 1 Ostook. Norway. an raypoorts that,
 owin to tn overcrowdin' iv tn Arctic Sea with Swede fishermen, 1t was inn possible fr him to go on in his dash f'r tn Pole.