davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1907-02-21
WASHINGTON JOKES.
They Are Not Indicative of Waning
Resneef fOr His Connfrv,s Father.


They Are Not Indicative of Waning
Respect for His Country's Father.
The date of the beginning Of the GUS
tom of making jokes about that American
we have all agreed to call the Father OF
His Country and whose memory we all
revere beyond that of any other Ameri-
can. in spite of our jests about him. is
lost in obscurity. The earliest, so far as
know. came in at about the beginning
of Washington's birthday celebrations,
and perhaps was, when first perpetrated,
a slip of the tongue. by which some one
Inadvertently alluded to the day of the
abIutions of a family whose name was
hitherto unknown in that neighborhood.
This joke is still acceptable to boys, who
think it excruciatingly funny and work 1t
of with great zest every year. l have
also heard it. and recently, on the lips
OF hoary headed men who thought it a
masterpiece.
1t was not till the rise of the profess
sionally funny writer that the original
Washington joke began to flourish. Joke
writer's made money at the industry. for
n few years. but nowadays they groan in
spirit and sometimes use unconventional
verbalities when batch Of jokes for Feb.
% is ordered, for nothing seems left after
the work Of themselves and their fellow
humorists in past years. The funny art
ist has the advantage over the writer.
for by divers tricks of the time he may
make the dullest joke acceptable some
times.
One Of the best pictorial jokes | re-
member was drawing showing a line
of bent and hoary negro men and women
away in endless perspective. la
belsd 'Washington's Cooks and Body Ser
wants." A favorite line for the profess
sional humorists to work out their jokes
on is. Suppose George hadn't told the
truth about the cherry tree?" The rhymes
below show how one chap utilized that
idea and sold his production to the same
paper that published the picture Of Wash
ington's trip in 1888:
wASHINGToN's BIRTHDAY
THOUGHT.
II Washington had lied that day
He chopped the cherry tree,
How different 1t would have been
Our countrys history
For none can doubt that had he lied
Old Bushrod would have jumped
For his right heavy hickory stick,
And Georges life out thumped.
And then--ah me our loved state
Indeed would have been sad;
For II G. w. then had died
1t would have had
No Dad.
The rhymster (unidentifed) who pro
duced the following took negative view
of things and paid the immortal George
a high compliment at the same time:
When Washington was president,
As cold any fcicle,
He never on a railroad went,
And never rode bicycle
He read by no electric lamp,
Nor heard about the Yellowstone;
He never licked a postage stamp,
And never telephone.
His trousers ended at the knees:
He filled his lamp with whale oil grease
And never had a match TO scratch.
But In these days It's come to pass.
All work Is with such dashing done
We've all those things, but then, alas
We seem to have no Washington,
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1907-02-21

model is a really exquisite gown OF
plun-colored cloth. the skirt trimmed
with applied portions Of velvet over
laid with heavy lace matching the
deep scalloped yoke and the artistically
shaped cuffs on the short sleeves The
keynote OF a princess gown is, of
course. simplicity; any elaborate trim
mings would Interfere with the beauty
of the long. graceful lines which are
much of its charm.
The above pattern will be mailed to
your address on receipt of 10 cents.
Send all orders to the Pattern Depart
mcnt of this paper. BE sure to give
both the number and size OF pattern
wanted, and write very plainly. For
convenience. write your order on the
following coupon:
Order Coupon.
No. 1855.
SIZE -. 49,.
ADDRESS
Box Plated Dress.
Here is jaunty little model for a
young girls school dress A big broken
plaid in the brilliant coloring that is
so attractive for children is used with
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1907-02-21
The Champion of Regulation.

President Roosevelt has discovered
that while the railroad rate bill is of
value in securing equal rights to the
people, the great transportation bust
ness of the country cannot be reduced
to a scientifically equitable basis with
out further legislation. He has given
some attention to railroad finance and
finds In the process of manipulation
that capital Is swollen beyond all rea-
son. His new campaign, it is claimed,
is TO be directed in an effort to squeeze
out the water, and make it possible TO
determine from tangible values just
what are reasonable profits and what
are unreasonable profits
What form the campaign will take
has not been divulged. 1t may be that
the President will find insurmountable
obstacles at the vecy gateway of his
desire, but if he actually enters the
fight, the contest over the railway rate
bill will be lillputian by comparison.
Most Of us realize that the process OF
stock watering is all wrong in princi-
pie and inequitable in practice. that
millions of dollars have been wrung
from the people and transferred to the
pocket Of the railway magnates by this
speclous robbery In the guise of right,
but we appreciate, too, how the Gus
tom Is entrenched In the American cor
poration life. and it is obvious that it
cannot be dislodged without bitter
fight The President understands the
situation and has already learned that
the labor of correcting and regulating
wealth is a difficult one. He has talk
ed and preached on the subject to
those whom he had reason to suppose
were patriotic before they were merce-
nary and yet in his efforts to secure
the cooperation of rich men In his
great scheme for exact justice. he has
met with rebuffs that would disheart-
en- almost any other man.
Whether he will be able to accom-
plish anything in the direction he seeks
is debatable question. but that be
will not be deferred from the attempt
because there are obstacles is obvious
to all who are acquainted with his
character. He believes he is ON the
right trail and that will be sufficient
spur for his activity. Not even the
antagonism of every capitalist in the
country would swerve him from his
purpose provided he can find way for
possible achievement.-Toled Blade.
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1907-02-21
>>~
Pattern Department
UP-TO-DATE DESIGNS FOR
THE HOME DRESSMAI<ER


There are some figures that never
look so well as in a princess frock;
this is made evident by the pertinacity
with which the style appears season
after season, being. in fact, always
worn in greater or less numbers. This
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1907-02-21

The really popular boy always has .
nickname"
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1907-02-21
ship of Dreadnaueht cIn..

Americas ship of Dreadnaught Glass
The plans of the next addition to
the United States navy have been
made public. They insure the con-
struction of a ship that Will put the
United States "in the running" for the
honor of having one of the largest
floating forts in the world. The new
tattleshIp Is to be one that can stan'l
comparison with the British battleship
Dreadnaught. of which so much has
been said of late, and which has divid-
ed naval experts in the discussion of
the availability and efficiency of ships
of great size in comparison with bat
tleships of the type that has been con-
yentional for a decade or more.
The dimensions of Americas pro-
posed rival for the Dreadnaught are
said to be as follows: Length. $50
feet; breadth, 50 feet; draught. 30 feet.
These figures indicate that the new
battleship will be a seagoing vessei -
big as the best of the Transatlantic
'greyhounds' of only few years ago.
When ships were reaching beyond Il
length Of 500 feet there was discussion
rs to the danger of unwieldiness, but
navigators have learned TO handle
huge craft since that time, and now
there seems TO be no limit to their
ideas as to size. A breadth of 50 feet
would have been regarded as some
thing abnormal twenty years ago, in 4
ship with keel-length Of 500 feet
The armament of the new ship Is to
be as remarkable as her dimensions.
She Is to carry ten Pinch guns. or six
more than are carried by ships OF
the Wisconsin class; fourteen 5-inch
guns, four 3-pounders. four 1-pounders,
two 3-inch field pieces, and two ma
chine guns. This equipment of guns
ought TO make her as effective as a
fort. wherever she can make her mis-
siles reach an enemy.
1t will be interesting to note how
much farther this rage for size and ar
mament will carry navy builders Cap
ain Mahan and other naval experts
are Of the opinion that it has gone too
far, even now-Mllwaukee Wisconsin.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-10-14
The Caterpillar Pest.

There is some satisfaction in knowing
that the partial defo,iation Of the trees
in parts of Washington is due to the
white-msrked tussock moth: that two or
three consecutive years of defoliation
would he required to destroy the trees.
and that spray of arsenate of lead
would prove effective against the pest.
1t was pointed out also in yesterday 5
Star that the trees might be banded with
tansiefoot, and that the caterpiilars thus
ertrapped could be easily killed. 1t is
said that II the trees are cleaned of eggs
during the winter the banding method
should prove efficacious.
With the experience of this summer 1t
behooves all citizens who cherish the
beauty and the fame for beauty of Wash
ington to be on guard next spring. The
news columns of The Sunday Star con-
tanned this Information concerning the
destructive moth:
THE male moth is ashy gray with undu-
lating bands of darker co:or. and the
wings expand about one and one-Qua rter
inches. The female is whitish and her
wings are very rudimentary. She is in
capable of flight. and resembles grub
enough to lay her eggs. These are de-
POSTED on the cocoon from which she
emerged. With the eggs is discharged
a viscid secretion which later becomes a
hard. frothy mass that protects the eggs
from the weather. This species is double
and often triple brooded. The first energies
as soon as the weather becomes warm.
The second brood. which causes the most
damage, is Matched about the middle OF
July"
In the last two sentences of this extract
lies the cue for action. Take time by the
forelock. Begin the fight for the trees as
soon as the sap begins to rise and con-
tinue the warfare till the July brood has
been destroyed
with all the money. effort and pride in
vested in the street trees no work should
ne too hard to save them. The loss of the
trees would not only be irreparabie. but
it might also give color to charge that
Washington is infected with civic sloth.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-10-14

Prentice in the editorial chair of the lead
Ing Kentucky newspaper. Four years
later he was one of a quartet of influen-
tial editors that gave TO the Greeley cam
paIgn its only real interest. Four years
later still he presided over the convention
which nominated Mr.. Tilden for the presi-
denCy In 1883 he defeated as chairman
OF his party's platform committee Mr..
Cleveland's attempt to back out of his
tariff message of the year before. and in
1872 he led the fight in convention against
another effort of the Cleveian dites to i'm
bolted the Bryan nomination in 1896, and
gave his support to Palmer and Buckner.
and since ten. while Supporting his
party 5 candidates. has opposed nearly
everything for which the organization has
stood
This is but suggestion of IT. Waiter
sons part in public AFFAIR." since taking
up his residence in Kentucky. Nor has
politics alone appealed to him. He has
travelled and recorded his observations,
lectured on topics of a general nature,
published a book or two OF pronounced
interest. and delivered many addresses on
important occasions. He has known
everybody worth knowing in the political.
the literary and the theatrical world and
been toast at numerous meetings where
the pick of his fellows were gathered.
What better employment. therefore, if
Mr.. Watterson really should tire of poll
tics. than for him to take his pen in hand
and let the world know his own story in
his own engaging style? His country
Dlare 7 .DlIisVtlfa q ideal fOr
shouldering a quill and showing how past
battles were lost or won. who the great
actors were and how they played their
parts, and for giving the Wattersonian
appraisement of the whole. When the
present becomes disappointing, the past
always becomes Coubly dear
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-10-14
Teachers Get Their Paw.

MS Is glad day with the public
school teachers of Washington. They get
the pay which they haze earned. and
which. for some reason rejecting grave
discredit on somebody has been long
withheld from them
No payment OF salary has been made
to the Washington school teachers since
last June. To say that they have suffered
inconvenience is putting II gently In
convenience is a euphemisin Tor hard
ship"
The suspension of payment was not
due TO Insolvency of the District OF Co.
lumbia. The money was on hand for
the satisfaction of the teachers dema nds.
The superintendent OF public schools is re-
ported As placing the blame on the
printer of the pay rolls under the new
system, on the new system itself, OH
various orders causing revision of work
and on the smalinesS of his Office force
The officials at the District building de-
clare that the cause of the delay was
the dilatoriness of the school authorities
In making up the rolls as suggested by
the Keep commission. and that the rolls
received at the District building Friday
were found to be full OF errors.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-10-14
A Million Dollars.

In the report of his Richmond speech
the other day Mr.. Bryan was made to
say: Who ever got a million dollars
honestly in this country or any other
county," The amount was expressed
by wire in numerals, and the remark
has caused some vigorous protests.
Mr. Bryan probably said hundred
millions and in leaving Richmond two
of the nine figures fell by the waysde.
\ hundred millions of dollars may rea-
sonably. even in this day of swollen for
tunes, cause criticism. That, to use a
rustic phrase, is "a mighty sight of
money" The earnings of the Standard
Oil Company and the wealth of John d.
Rockefeller have not as yet brought the
public up to a familiar contemplation Of
enormous piles. II Mr.. Bryan said a
hundred millions he will find many people
to agree with him.
But million dollars is no longer a
great sum. The mere millionaire is a
man of but limited influence in the bust
ness world. He is very numerous. and
has filled his pocket in a variety of
ways A trife patented and successfully
put on the market has netted the in
ventor that sum. Some railroad presi-
ueHtS save II Out Ol their SttidTltS III Ten
years Great lawyers soon amass it. And
what fuency with pen and tongue may
accomplish in the way of hard cash Mr..
Bryan himself has shown. He is well
on the way To the million mark and
should reach it in a year or so. From
fifty dollars week as newspaper
writer to five hundred dollars a night as
a lecturer. is big jump. But Mr.. Bryan
has made it. and, financially, is doing
well.
Still, il is fact that a million dollar
Pile looks big 10 some men, A dozen years
ago Mr. PETER of Kansas startled the
Senate with just such statement as is
attributed to MIR. Bryan. He spoke with
great earnestness. and from the viewpoint
of a man who had jumped from the edi-
torship OF IA modest weekly newspaper to
a seat in the highest legislative body in
the country. He doubted il a million
dollars could be acquired honestly, and
some of his senatorial colleagues who
heard him thought he was only Kidding
them Gavin S. Brice OF Ohio said that
Mr. PETER had in him the material for
making a successful humorist. But those
were populist days. and the grasshoppers
rad made Kansas SO poor that strange
views prevailed out there both as to dol
lars and men.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-10-14
A Task for Mr.. Watterson.

While Tire Star is incredulous Oh the
subject of Mr.. Watterson's threatened re-
tirement from politics, it realizes that
there Is another field in which his pen
might be employed to a very great per-
sonal and public advantage. why not an
autobiography? Why leave to another to
prepare. at a later date and under disad-
vantsges. the story or a career which has
been crowded with interesting perform
ances aud experiences?
As he himself has stated. Mr.. Waiter
sons first thoughts were not. of journal
ism. AT the close of the civil WARM
which a very young man he had par
ticipated-he planned a literary career.
and went abroad with the manuscript of a
play and another of novel in his inside
pocket But he proposed and fate dis
posed. and in no long time he was back in
America girdinS up for the work which
was to occupy him and bring him to dis
tinction.
Forty years ago he succeeded George d.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-10-14
To an Aspirant.

If you want to be a colonel
Never mind your valiant strife:
Never mind the way you'll answer
When you're called to risk your life
Do not tell how you would figure
To avoid a serious loss
When your troops go into battle:
Tell me: can you ride boss?
If you seek for naval glory
Do not let your boasting run
To the arts of navigation
Or the man behind the gun;
Do not drift into descriptions
OF the battle raging grim,
And the way to sink foeman;
Tell me: have you learned to swim?
The day for automobiles
In the army isn't far.
Have you had the proper training?
Can you run a motor car?
And the airships SO they tell US.
viii be ready very soon.
Can you stand examination?
Can you manage a balloon?
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-10-14
The B. and o. Station

Al last the antique railroad barn of
the Baltimore and Ohio railroad is to go
and occupany of the union station to be-
gin. These two things will come to pass
Sunday. October ~. The formal order
transferring the Baltimore and Ohio bust
ness from the old to the new station has
been issued by Mr.. Samuel 3. Hege, divi-
sion passenger agent of the line. Before
many moons come and go the old station
will be wrecked and removed.
Thus passes another of the landmarks
of the city. 1t is not especially with SEN
timents OF sorrow that one sees this
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-10-14

but it should be given credit for what
it has done. In spite OF the fact that 1t
was imperfectly adapted for the work
which for many years it has per-
formed in spite of the fact that II rep
resented one idea of what a railroad sta
ton might be when Washington was a
smaller and a younger city, and in spite
of much abuse and constant ridicuie. the
old station stood to its foundations and
did the best 1t could in furnishing shelter
to the incoming and the outgoing crowds
of travellers. 1t served SO long as one of
the important portals of the capital that
its passing will make a great change in
the aspect of that part of the city.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-10-14
Look Away From the Ticker.

From the New York Times.
What is the average person of property
to make out of all the tumult In Wall
street? How much of his property is in
volved in tie loss of three billions of
stock exchange values. and how can what
he has left be safeguarded? Is 1t indeed
those who have no option but to solve
such questions. being impelled by their
necessities? Happily there Is a sense in
which 1t may be said that what is going
on concerns them certainly only sec
ondarily and perhaps only remotely, If
at ALL
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-10-14
An Infamous Combination.
From the Philadelphia Ledger.

The subordination of prOfessed princi-
pies to the hope of partisan advantage
has seldom reached so low a depth as In
the fusion of the republicans in New York
city with Hearsts Independence League.
When Hearst was appealing for demo-
cratic votes republicans denounced him
justly a dangerous freebooter, a men
ace to the state. He caused them such
alarm in the last campaign that they
called on the President for aid, and Secre-
tary Root was sent into New York to
make ferocious speech. in which this
arch-hypocrite was properly denounced as
a menace to social security Today, when
they find Hearst ready to allow them a
few small offices. the New York republi-
cans are ready to unite with him and help
him to political mastery
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-10-14
SHOOTING STARS.
Unabashed.

You. sir. said the statesman, 'are
an undesirable citizen"
suppose so. answered Mr. Dustin
Stax But, so long as I've got to stand
that sort of criticism I'm going to keep
on trying to be one Of the kind that's
rich enough to hire good lawyers.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-10-14

1t may be assumed that Mr.. Taft ate
a number of things he did not under
stand and said a number of things which
the mikado did not precisely compre-
bend. This process of getting nations
toge Their necessarily involves some pa
thence and forbearance.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-10-14

1t would startle the American public
to find that the favor Of king made
any diffe In the attitude Of New
York yachtsmen toward Sir Thomas Lip
ton
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-10-14

The Mississippi pilot whom the Presi-
dent dismissed will probably take cour-
age from the example of Mr.. Foraker
and attempt to paddle a canoe Of his own.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-10-14

The man who discovered an affinity
seemed to have things pretty we'll his
own way until his wife announced that
she. too, had located an affinity. and he
was it,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-10-14

Count Boni de Casteiane continues to
write for the newspapers. The editors,
however, do not permit him to say all
that is on his mind about his own affairs.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-10-14

Dr. Akers says that London journalism
is yellOwer than New York journalism.
Naturally. 1t has the undiscipiined en-
thusiasm of the amateur.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-10-14

The substitution of radium as a money
metal would be a great convenience for
the men who are endeavoring to collect
all the coin in the world
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-10-14
A Dry DISTRICT

From the st. Louis Globe Democrat.
An effort will be made this winter to add
the District of Columbia to the prohibit
ton pyramid. 1t may be that, future
members of Congress will havs to get
along with q canteen.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-10-14

with hundred thousand dollars. -
said the man of expansive ideas, Il could
make fortune in Wall street"
Yes" rejoined the piker, but whose
fortune would you make?'
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-10-14

There is a strong feeling that the Wash
inston ball players could have done at
least as we'll with the Chicago club If
tn, V had been given the chance.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-10-14
Fatherly Solicitude.

So your boy has gone back to college "
yes answered Farmer CorntosseI:
an I'm glad Of 1t. He's done nothfn'
but read books all summer. Now. maybe
he'll get a little exercise"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-10-14

Mr. Bryan, In looking over the ideas
that have been taken from his platforms
must be tempted to say something about
predatory politics.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-10-14

Great hope for the future lies in the
fact that 1t is now very hard to con-
tribute to a campaign fund without get
ting caught.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-10-14
Hartman.


From the New York World
Hartman orders roads to cut ex-
penses.' Hartman is the most costly
item they carry. Why not begin by cut
ting him out?
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-10-14

Hetty Green has consented to take a
look at Newport society. but the chances
are that she won't like it much.