The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-02-10

1 good by showing off on Platform. George got the Coin and Doctor Prim- rose arrived at the Final Chapter with a Clear Conscience and just about enough Fuel in the Cellar to last him to the 1st of the Month.
 But he knew he had been on the Level, and so he must have been Happy, for John D. says that those who try to get it and fall down often derive a lot of Consolation from the Knowledge they have been Unspotted.
 The Moral of this is-don't let any one Spot you.
 But take this world-renowned story of Doctor Primrose, lip one side and down the other, and it is a Tame Af- fair compared with the adventures of real busy Pastor of the New School.
 There was time WI very little Lad who was pale and hal translucent Ears and preferred doing the Herring Bone Stitch to getting out and play in Three-Old-Cat was supposed to be likely candidate for the Pulpit.
 Nowadays the Bishop of the Diocese is on the lookout for burly young Col legians who can stand off the World and the Devil with the Left while lift ing a Church Debt with the Right. Any young Theolog who moves into Parsonage and undertakes the Con tract of herding and subduing a high geared and strong minded Congrega- ton certainly has his own Troubles spread out in front of him like a Hotel Dinner
 In the old days the Flock took any Shepherd that wandered into the Pasture, and allowed him to feed them from the Spoon, and swallowed every thing and had to like it.
 Ndw the Main Performer has to do a few Trial Heats, while they hold the Clock on him before they Sign him.
 Church Members have asserted their Rights as Employers and now belong to the Missouri Family. They sit back in their padded Parquet Chairs and say to the bright young Entertainer just out of College, Come on and show Us"
 If he fails to deliver the Goods, they give him the Gate and send off to the Works for another Sample.
 But if he Is as handsome as E. H. Sothern and can make the Women
  and he has no dangerous Views con ficting with the Opinions Of the Pew holders he may have fair chance or going right to work at Salary one third as large as that of a Plttsburg Puddler and somewhat in excess or that commanded by high class Farm Hand.
 Having entered upon his Career, he ;s lust as safe any Minute as the man who strolls through a Powder Magazine smoking a cigaroot. Tn order to retain the Meal Ticket he merely has to talk like Beveridge, he A diplomat of the John Hay variety, do the Social Act with the grace and dignity of our old Friend Harry Lehr and swing the Finances with the keen and masterly Insight of Sec. Shaw, Captain of the Wall Street Life-SaVlng Crew.
 Talk about old Doctor Primrose hay | Ing experiences!
 Did he ever have to discuss EVolu- tion in such a manner that he would not contradict Science, and yet would | satisfy the old-timers who believed that the World was begun out of Moth l ing one Monday Morning and had Parks Driveways, Subdivisions and a few Early Settlers the following sat urday Afternoon?
 Did the original Vicar of Wakehelo ever have to do a Balancing Act De- tween the Progressive faction, whicn believes that the Lower Regions con stitute Figure of Speech, and the old rock-ribbed Wing, that wants every Sermon served up hot with Blue Flames around it, the same as Rum | Omelette?
 Ii was a Fine Business for the Vicar of Wakefield to regulate his Par1sh' because whatever he said Went His humble Followers were not nirI,
 ing with lot of outside Cults ana m d then coming to Church every Sunday l Morning. loaded to the GunWales Wlth