The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1907-01-27

for Vice President Fairbanks. This was
the only concession to oil4cial position
made by the club during the entire eve
ming.
The guests-all being equal at the Grid
| iron-were scattered wherever 1.-The dla-
gram maker chose to put them. Before
they were seated the lights were extin-
guished, the quartet sang a welcome
song, and then the mammoth electric
Gridiron was flashed. A moment later
the fun commenced, and from that time
until midnight the members of the Grid
] iron club were the hosts at one OF the
most remarkable dinners ever given not
only in the national capitol, but in the
world.
Suddenly, in the midst of the evening S
fun. President Blythe raped sharply for
order At the same instant all the lights
were extinguished. deep-toned gong
| in the ante-room doomed ten times.
| Everybody wondered.
"Ten years are passing, announced
! President Blythe, in sepulchral tones.
by the aid of the Gridiron clubs pro-
| jectoscope, we are to sit in the year 1917
and shall be compelled to observe a Ger
| emonial session of the gorgeous court OF
| the mighty monarch, the emperor of
America. thus showing the bene9ts OF
| Capitalization"
! A fanfare of trumpets in the anteroom
was the signal for the approach OF the
Emperor
First however, and while the orchestra
played God Save the King came the
herald. He was a thing of beauteous
beauty. He was adorned with a maroon
colored silk robe, on the front OF when
was emblazoned a black lion on a green
and yellow shield. He wore curly black
wig and a black beard. like the herald
| who calls on Elsa's defenders In 'Lohen-
| grim" while in one hand he carried
trumpet from which was pendant ban
ner decorated with lions and castles and
gold fringe
Then came these high and mighty per-
sonages. wearing broad red sashes and
| jewels over their dinner clothes
His excellency, the chancellor of the
| exchequer.
His exceIleney, the lord high chamber
| lain.
His excellency, the prime minister.
Then, In solemn and mournful state,
came the lord high executioner, done up
| in a black silk costume with a silver
| skull hanging like a medal OF honor
around his neck and carrying a huge bat
tie axe.
And finally came his majesty the king.
| He was attired in a robe of red velvet,
| with ermine collar and trimmings, under
Meath which was a gown of white broead-
| ed silk, all embroidered in gold.
Resting on his long and flowing locks
was an immense golden crown. flashing
with jewels and of many colors, while
| golden sandals incased his feet. He was
attended by two courtiers, gloriously re-
| splendent IN costumes of peacock blue
velvet coats over robes of gold en-
broidered white SILK. Then there was a
Jester, who wore a typical suit OF red
and blue, with cap and bells.
Altogether it was an imposing pageant
that escorted the Emperor to his golden
| throne in the banquet hall. 1t was min
ute or two before the applause subsidized,
so unexpected and so striking was the
picture presented to the guests.
Ills gracious and imperial majesty"
announced the herald, Emperor of all
| the Americans, champion of centraliza-
| tion, king of kings and monarch of the
| high. the middle and the low"
"What was that music they played as
came M" presently asked the En-
peror.
ut was a revised version of God Save
| the King" replied the second courter.
Revised by whom?"
"By William Jennings Bryan sire" ex-
| planned the Jester. "IIe calls 1t God Help
| the King
Bryan? Bryan? What is he?"
prime minister, "who. holds the railroad
| lines west of the Mississippi river.
Can we not crush him?' imperiously
| demanded the Emperor.
"Sir," said the lord high chamberlain
mournfully, "'hes made of India rubber
and will not be crushed"
| After some more Dialogue, in which 1t
was announced that Japan was anxious
to give the Philippine Islands back to the
| United States-an offer which the EN-
peror hastily refused to entertain-two
| tramps came struggling In They were
| about to be elected when the emperor
gracously indicated that he would hear
| them.
"Why come ye men?" he asked.
| "Oh. gracious sire, be mercful" said
| one. 'T once owned all the railroads in
| this blessed land"
| And l." gracious sire detained the
| other, "once controlled all the oil prod
| uct"
| In this way was the identity of Mr..
| Morgan and Mr.. Rogers revealed. The
| oil magnate was given a pape as oier
on the imperial special train, and Mr..
| Morgan was told to go down to Panama
and work the steam shovels.
| Then followed more conversation be-
tween the emperor and his faithful at
| tendants, as follows:
| The Lord High observation-disclosures maj
esty a curio dealer today offered me a
goodly sum for that antlquated docu-
| ment, the constitution.
| The Emperor-Accept 1t and buy me a
new crown with the proceeds.
The Lord High Chamberlain-And the
declaration of independence?
The Emperor-Send it to our cousin. the
| king of England. He is collecting auto
graphs.
First Courtier-Your majesty's ambas-
| sador at the court of St James reports
by submarine telephone that the Right
Hon. James Bryce did six feet four inches
| In the pole vault yesterday.
| The Emperor (sternly)-H is not
| enough. Seven feet. or we won't receive
him. Wasn't the French ambassador tc
be here at this time?
| Second Courtier-Yes, sire: he is in the
garden putting the 12-pound shot
The Emperor-Inform him that I will
not sign that treaty of alliance until he
does better than he did yesterday. Can
any among my faithful subjects inform
| me who was the last president of the
| United States?
! Prime Minister = Roosevelt - Theodore
Roosevelt I think his name was, sire.
The Emperor-Why didn't he become
| king?
Prime Minster-He said at a gridiron
dinner. your majesty. that he would not
accept a third term. and the supreme
court held that his word was constitu-
| tional
The Emperor--W Where is ex-Presideni
| Roosevelt now?
The High Lord Chamberlain-"He is
/ up 1att No..