davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1907-03-29

Says Mrs. Carrie Gait: "A wife must
train her husband and keep him trained
just as one trains young mule" Far
be it from our intentions to say any
thing that would seem like a contradic-
ton of Mrs. Gait, but we would like to
ask what the average wife knows about
training a mule?
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1907-03-29

A goose should be roasted longer anu
basted oftener than other poultry
TWENTY-FIVE minutes to the pound -
none too long. For the stufting NIX
breadcrumbs and pulverized chestnu's''
seasoning with salt and pepper =
green goose is one under four nontn'
old, and these are decidedly preleraO'
to the older fowls. Gooseberry sauce
is an appropriate accompaniment
Apple sauce is also orthodox
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1907-03-29

Put together in a saucepan d cup , ~
of grated chocolate and granu'os.
sugar, one-half cup Of milk ana qp ~
ter-cup of molasses. Boil, SIiil'n ', 20
en-, until a little dropped into colo s W.
ter is brittle. Remove from . rns on
beat in a teaspoonfuI of Talll'l@ potor
stir hard for seyera j mlno'''
mourning into buttered tin
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1907-03-29
A Lost Opportunity.

Towne-I had the worst luck with
that old umbrella Of mine last evening
at the concert. l put it in the stand
with the others
Browne-And when you went to get
it it was gone, eh?
Towne-No, hang it 1t was the only
one left. I didn't get a shot at the
others.-Philadelph Press.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1907-03-29
Cream of Barley soup

Cover a cup of barley Will WV
water and soak for three hours Dram.
and stir the barley into a quar- ~ ~
veal or mutton stock and Doll uI '.h
the barley is very soft. Season ~ WI,
onion juice, salt and pepper, ana .Hl vi
en- with a white rouX. Last y. Hr
add a pint of scalding milk anu ''1
In a tablespoonful of minced parSl'''
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1907-03-29
T.Al!z<222>> .IIS'''<zS|a
EXaYRs su@fFSSi, N
Fruit Loaf

Two pounds of sugar, two no,n,
almonds, one pound of seeded rois S "
one-half pound of figs, one-fourth , n
of citron, one teacupful of wafer t tUulo|
the size of an egg, one tabIesnoor tu''e'
extract of vanilla. Cut Or chop the ~ f,' y.
and nuts very fine. Cook snco, - u
water until it threads. take froa, aIuI
fire, add the butter, vanilla, frnit a ,us
nuts. Stir until the mass is forma up
knead we'll on a sugared hoard NV
wrap in a damp napkin. Do NOT W.
turb for twenty-four hours then slIs.
thin as one would a fruit loaf my ,,'
makes five pounds of sweetmeat
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1907-03-29

Although there is a possibility of our
getting into communication with Mars,
1t is not likely that we will ever be able
to borrow an occasional bod of coal
from there during fuel famine
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1907-03-29

Health departments throughout the
country are warning everybody to look
out for the Influenza germ, although not
one in thousand of us would recognize
the little pest If we were to see it.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1907-03-29

Spain's lemon crop has been ruined
but we have never had to worry much
about the lemons Spain tried to hand
us, anyhow.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1907-03-29

deadliest on record. 107 mothers re-
ceived the bonus. The mortality was
a in the thousand, as compared with
the previous 122. There is something
very attractive in a form of infantile
insurance which pays, not upon proof
of death, but upon evidence Of contin-
ued existence.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1907-03-29
Rre.dG riddIe Cakes

Crate enough stale bread 10 IL l,ran.
cup; soak in one cup Oh hi'iN ICON ~ Of
ty minutes beat, add saltsp0 S,++o,
salt, two tablespoons Of meiIeu nm
and one egg we'll beaten Auu a,otly
q. -four and beat again. Stir ID qu'' n
one and one-half level Teaspoons ond
baking powder; bake on d s
serve with strip.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1907-03-29

The tailors in convention assembled
have decided that the styles for the
coming season must be different in ev-
cry respect from those that have pre-
vailed during the past year. The tall
ors know how to promote their bust
ness
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1907-03-29

We have read Of a man who the
other day fell down stairs and broke
his neck while trying to kiss a woman.
1t would simply be waste of space
to point out the moral to this sad ac-
cident
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1907-03-29

Mr. Hartman says "a successful man
does not seem to be much Of the ele-
ment of chance in the little game Mr..
Hartman plays.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1907-03-29

AS TO the Jamaica earthquake, 1t Is
feared that the worst Is yet to come
Alfred Austin is said to have written a
poem about it.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1907-03-29

Goodwin Smith wants to know why,
If the theory of evolution is correct. no
more monkeys are developing into
men. Perhaps it is because so many Of
way.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1907-03-29

Prominent among those who will not
be present at the next distribution OF
Carnegie medals for bravery will be
found the captain of the Larchmont.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1907-03-29

The Mississippi Supreme Court has
ruled that a boy has an inalienable
right to climb tree. But there is also
the fathers inalienable right to thrash
him for tearing his clothes while doing
it.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1907-03-29

man named Gong has recently been
married When his wife strikes him
for money, the whole town is likely to
hear it.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1907-03-29

A French scientist has discovered
that insects have 10 minds What's
the matter with the insects? Do they
smoke cigarettes?
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1907-03-29
nrv Frying.

This is suitable for large p,,r s,o
fish-such as salmon steaks - IN d
small quantity of fat very l hot u b J
skillet, have the fish ready aipp' eide.
seasoned flour, brown first one and
then the other, to retain the juice l.,,v 't .
favor. When done dish carei'"'
avoid breaking.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1907-03-29

Evidently the people of England re,
gard the old plan for tunnel under
the English Channel az a terrible bore
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1907-03-29

Count Zeppelein has spent all his for
tune trying to sail through the clouds.
All his palaces are now castles in the
air.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1907-03-29

Besides, the army can take care OF
Poult Bigelow If he goes shopping
around the isthmuS again.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1907-03-29

ANY man can tell lie, but it takes
born diplomat to induce people to be-
lieve it.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1907-03-29

In Russia you are entirely free to
vote just as the government desires.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1907-03-29

The London Lancet says the Christ
mas pudding is not indigestible. Not
unless YOU eat it.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1907-03-29

Death HOW to the Lottery.
The issue was whether the charter
of the company was to be renewed by
the State of Louisiana. The scandals
of this ight-the charges of bribery
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-10-21
lndestructibIo Cat.

While expounding to his wife the
alleged fact that men can control their
tempers better than women can, Mr..
Kinks fell over the cat and nearly
broke his nose.
THAT settles it!' he Kissed. eve
often threatened, but now III drown
the brute!'
His wife begged him to be merciful.
but his mind was made up.
Accordingly he placed the offending
feline, along with two large bricks,
In an old flour sack and fastened upon
his murderous errand. On reaching
the canal he threw in the bag with
such vigor that he overbalanced and
fell into the muddy water. After strug-
CLING for half an hour and incidentally
drinking half the water in the canal,
he returned home wet and weary.
At the door sat the cat.
"Well, Of alp exclaimed Kinks.
"Why. drowned the brute!
II don't think So" said his wife as
she let him in. "You didn't give me
time to tell you that there was a hole
In that bag"-London Answers.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-10-21
Could Not Risk L.

A dealer in real estate tells this story
A middle aged widow came to his Of.
fee to try to make arrangements for
the purchase of house and lot. 1--WE
can make small payment down." she
said. land would sign mortgage run
ming for period Of five years to Sc
cure the payment Of the rest of the
money. My daughters have good posi-
lions as bookkeepers in large mer-
camille establishment and can save
enough out Of their salaries to meet
the payments as they become DUE"
The real estate man hesitated.
II should want to be sure of you
paying for the property in the stipu.
lated time" he said. II should feel like
criminal If I had to foreclose the
mortgage at any time-and yet bust
ness IS business. shall have to see
your daughters"
She brought them to his office the
next day.
MADAM" he said, shaking his head,
"you will have to give me some ad-
ditional security. Your daughters are
too handsome. They will marry and
lose their Jobs long before the five
years are up"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-10-21
Boiling II Down.

II should like to manage this paper
for about six months" said the new
reporter Of a country paper. 1.-THE
present editor doesn't know his bust.
ness"
"What's the matter?' he was asked.
"Why, last night was told off to re-.
port fire in Broad street, and I wrote
1t up in grand style, making a half
column article of it. I began it In
this way:
Suddenly on the still night air
rang the shrill cry Of fire, and at the
same moment the little licking tongues
Of flame, whose light, playing along
the roofs edge, caught the eye of the
midnight watcher, leaped forth, no lon.
their thirst and greed. Like glowing,
snaky demons, the lurid links entwined
the doomed building. In venomous
Kisses and spurts the flames shot into
the overhanging darkness, while from
every window and door poured forth
dense sulphurous smoke, the deadly
| suffocating breath Of an imprisoned
f1end.'
II went on in that style for over halt
column" said the new reporter, "and
this Is what appeared in the paper this
morning:
IA fire broke out in Broad street
last night, but was quickly suppress
ed Do you call that Journalism ?"-
London Standard.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-10-21
Kansaroos Saved 4 RothschiId.

Walter Rothschlld, the richest bache-
lor In England. had close call with
matrlmony when he was young man.
A designing mamma had managed to
get the heir to the Rothschild millions
interested in her daughter, and the
daughter did all she could to lead the
interest up to the point Of a marriage
proposal. ~.4-s
One night at watering place, after
Rothschild had retired to his room, he
heard voices under his window which
he recognized as those of the young
lady and her mamma.
'Has he proposed YETI" asked the
old woman.
"Not yet" answered the daughter,
"but I'll have him hooked before long
II only l can endure his conversation.
Tonight he bored me almost to death
talking about his kangaroos."
81 am sorry" said Rothschild, put
ting his head out Of the window, Ito
have bored you with tales of my ami
mails. Forgive me. I shall never do
so again." And he never did.-London
Echo.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-10-21
An Expensive Rug.

II you are steady smoker don't
throw away your old tobacco bags.
BY saving them until he had a trunk
full a resident of Sixty second street
got busy with needle and made one
OF the oldest rugs one would find In a
days walk. OF course this economical
genius Is an incessant smoker. Often
he smoked two bags Of tobacco In a
day. Then, too, he changed his brand
often and in this way got more high
~ cOlOred assortment. He told his
friends about the rug he had in mind,
and they got busy collecting. AS re-
suit Mr.. Smoker got big crop each
week. In less than six months he had
gathered lOS square feet Of tobacco
bags, which was a nice by II rug.
He used a piece of thick flannel as a
foundation and sewed the bags to 1t
each night on returning from work.
On several occasions some Of the fel-
lows from the office helped him do the
sewing" 1t was interesting work.
For some unknown reason many of
the helpers sewed the bags on back
ward, but all We're finally Strengthened
out, and when the rug was finally laid
there was a little celebration in the
genius room. Now as he looks at the
rug In silence he prides himself upon
his economy. And yet the refresh
ments that he supplied to keep the
workers In good humor and on the
night Of the rug laying cost him
$24.5O.-Philadelph Record.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-10-21
Society Music.


Mary will have to be asked to play
when she goes out in society. A proud
mamma will attend to that. And Mary
will play with faithful accuracy some
thing from Chopin or Beethoven or
Mendelssohn, and the young people
will watch her chubby fingers thought
fully and wonder when the selection
will come to an end. They will ap-
plaud, too-when the end is reached
for that is good manners, and every
body likes Mary. anyhow. And then
we'll, Lucy Smith, who has never taken
lessons, will rollick up to the piano
and begin coon song, hands and feet
will beat time all over the room, half
the listeners will hum the refrain,
everybody will see the difference be-
tween the piano as penance and as a
pleasure, and only Mary's mamma will
make unpleasant side remarks about
the degeneracy of popular taste in
music.-Cynthia Westover Alden In
Success Magazine.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-10-21
The First Teacups,

Even after tea was introduced into
Europe and had come into general use
teacups were scarce At the same time
coffee was introduced; but, apart from
Constantinople, the first coffee cups in
Europe date back only as far as 1915
In Venice, 1869 in Paris, 1862 in Lon
don and 1894 in Leipsic. From the
first, however, the conventional orien-
tai coffee cup, without stem or handle,
was little used, and in Germany not at
all. The Chinese teacup was used for
tea, coffee and chocolate as we'll. Speci-
mems Of porcelain were undoubtedly
introduced into Europe in the middle
ages, yet not till the sixteenth century
were cups imported from China in any
great quantities, and even then it was
as articles of vertu. Most of those
found their way back into China again,
as collecting porcelain is lasting fad
there, and high prices are paid for
good specimens. The collection Of
Chinese porcelain, If only the genuine
specimens are desired, requires i'm
mense study and knowledge, as the
Chinese are skillful imitators and put
numerous falsiticaHons on the market
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-10-21
Wireless Money! Iendino.

One Of the most interesting types on
the American track IS the professional
money lender. Money lending Is alb
solutely forbidden, and so the entire
transaction must be conducted sub
rosa, but if person who Is on goes
broke and he has some article Of Jew
elry Of value with him it Is easy for
him to realize money on it.
The lender is an irreproachably
dressed person who sits on the grand
stand with the rest Of the crowd and is
known In his true colors only to the
habitues of the track. A man who
wants some capital makes an unobtru-
s1ve sign to him and twirls a ring he
may be wearing at the time. Shortly
afterward both will proceed to a res
taurant, where, for the benefit of on
lockers, they will greet each other as
ordinary acquaintances. The exchange
Is then made over the drink they order:
the loan broker has the ring and the
bettor his capital. If the latter cashes
In on the next race he will return the
money and the agreed upon premium
and will receive back his ring.-From
The People and the Ponies," by @. F.
Peters, in Bohemian.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-10-21
her Ready Wit.

Though he had long adored her in
serret--worshiped, In fact, the ground
she pressed beneath the soles Of her
dainty little No. 3's-he had never yet
been able to screw up sufficient cour-
age to put his fate to the test. Poor
fellow! He was one of those shy,
modest, self deprecating sort Of chaps
that are growing rapidly scarcer or he
would have tumbled months ago to the
tact that he had only to 60 in and win.
Gertrude Alicia knew the state Of his
feelings right enough, but it had pleas.
ed her hitherto to keep him dangling
In attendance. At last, however, she
made up her mind to land her fish as
soon as a favorable chance presented
itself.
And the opportunity came at the
Smythingtons' little solree, when the
bashful swain, entering the conserva-
tory discovered his inamorata looking
her loveliest amid the palms and flow.
ers
"Are-are you alone" he questioned
timidly.
In a moment the fair and ready wit.
ted girl saw her chance and took it
then and there. "A loan, Hen-er-Mr.
Finnikin," she said, with lowered eye
lids, "a loan? Certainly not-I'm a
gift"
And fifteen minutes later, when they
emerged from their retreat, Henry was
asking himself how he could have been
such Juggins as to postpone his hap
piness so long.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-10-21
LAUGHED Awav tho Dancer.

An old traveller tells Of an experience
! Of his In midocean. The day was fog
gy, and most Of the passengers were
below listening to two evangelists
who were holding particularly fervid
gospel meeting In the saloon. Suddenly
and without the slightest warning
there was terrific crash and the en-
gines stopped. Every one rushed on
deck. The steamer had run into an Ice
berg.
Nobody knew what damage had been
done, and everybody was ready to fly
into a panic. The boats were lowered,
and then for the first time the two
evangelists, who had been forgotten in
the saloon, appeared on deck. They
wore their overcoats and their hats,
and they carried rugs and handbags.
They elbowed their way rudely to the
call, with the evident intent Of secur-
ing for themselves first places In the
boat. 1t was just at time when a
breath would have sent the passengers
panic stricken into the boats.
about to undo the work Of cool headed
officers when pert little cockney
stepped up to the gentlemen with the
rugs and handbags.
BEG pardon" said he, tipping his
cap, lave cab, sir?"
And in the general laugh the danger
Of panic was averted.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-10-21
Spoiled the Encore.

The nobility and gentry Of Little
Plowboro were recently gathered in
the village schoolroom to enjoy some
tableaux wants by local performers,
says PearsOn's Weekly.
The curtain had just fallen on a
really creditable picture Of the death
Of Nelson, shown to slow music, when
one man, who was known to be a
friend Of the gentleman representing
the greatest naval hero, rose and tried
to make his way toward the stage
keep your seats, please" said the
stage manager. "We're much obliged
for your kind applause, ladies and gen.
tlemen, and we're going to give you
the death Of Nelson over again."
"Oh, are yer?' came from the hero's
friend. Then If you'll tell Nelson is
kitchen chimney's afire p'raps e won't
die SO blessed lingerin'"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-10-21
A Misunderstood Jest.

Lord Lytton when viceroy Of India
was seated one day at dinner next to
lady whose name was Birch and
who, though very good looking, was
not overintelligent. Said she to his
excellency:
Are you acquainted with any of the
BirchesY'
"Oh, yesv' replied Lord Lytton II
knew several Of them most intimately
while at Eton-indeed, more intimate.
~ than I cared to-"
my lord" replied the lady, "you
forget the Birches are relatives of
NINE"
"And they cut me-" said the viceroy,
"but," and he smiled his wonted smile,
II have never felt more inclined to
kiss the rod than do now"
Sad to say, Mrs. Birch did not see
the point and told her husband his ex-
cellency had insulted her.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-10-21
SUBSCRlPTlON..-S5.OO PER ANNUm
Overloaded,

A United States senator had been
inveighing at dinner against long
speeches.
But, senator" said a congressman,
"you can't accuse me Of ever having
made too long q speech. can you?"
The senator smiled.
perhaps not" he said, land again
but did you ever hear about the tenn
perance lecturer? No?
"Well, you must know that there
was a temperance lecturer In Maine
who visited Ellsworth and lectured.
He hit out pretty hard from the shoul-
der at these so called moderate drink
Frs. and at the end Of his remarks an
Ellsworth man took him aside and
said In an aggreved tone:
"'Look here. Jim, l am a moderate
drnker. as all the town knows, and
to many people 1t is going to seem
as If good part Of your lecture was
pointed straight at me. What did you
want to do it for. jim? You never
saw me with more on board than I
could carry
"'What's that?' said the temperance
lecturer.
You never saw me with bigger
load than l could carry, did you?'
1.-THE lecturer frowned
"'Well. no. he said slowly. but 1
have seen you when thought you'd
done better to go twice for it,"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-10-21
Waves Of Water.

Waves are deceptive things. To look
at them one would gather the impress.
sion that the whole water travelled.
This, however, Is not so. The water
stays in the same place, but the mo.
ton goes on. In great storms waves
are sometimes forty feet high, and
their crests travel fifty miles an hour
The base Of wave the distance from
valley to Valley is usually considered
as being fifteen times the height OF
the wave. Therefore q wave twenty
five feet high would have a base ex.
tending 375 feet. The force Of waves
breaking on the shore is seventeen
tons to the square inch.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-10-21
The Name SARATOGA.

The original name Of Saratoga was
"Serachtague." About the middle of
the eighteenth century it was "Saragh-
toge." During the administration of
Governor Leiser it was "Sarachtoge."
Isn't this quaint-from 1850:
Upon We news vt three People should be
kid at Bartel Vromans at Sarachtoge by
We Indians
Resolved by We Convention vt Lief
Jochim Staets forwith goe with ten men
to Sarachtoge to see how We matter is, &
bring us an accompt with We first, & vt
he Cito send Post hither with We tide
ings.
Spelling reformers would be delighted
with "kild." And "ye'' Is shorter than
"the," and "yt" is shorter than
"that." "Goe" is expansive, but "for-
with" for forthwith" is a contraction.
Schoolcraft thinks that Saratoga is de.
rived from the. Indian words "Assa.
rat'-sparkling, and "oga"-place.-
New York Press.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-10-21
Tho Lord and the Burqlar,

Lord Iverdale had just finished his
after dinner speech and the guests had
applauded when the butler rushed for
ward and announced to his lordship
that there was burglar in the house.
"A burglar! Confound his impu-
dence! Where is he?"
I'VE don't exactly know, your lord
ship. One Of the maids, hearing a
noise in the library, looked in and
saw a man at the safe. If your lord
ship will allow me, I'll put Jarvis in
my place here and take charge of the
search"
every good, Haskins. Go by all
means. Wait moment-here is the
key Of my desk. Take the revolver
you will find in the right hand top
drawer; you may need 1t. AS soon as
I can get away without alarming the
ladies' I'll join you."-Munsey's.