The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1907-07-30
CELEBRATED CRANKS
Genius That Was Linked With the
Manners Of a Bear.
A DINNER WITH DEAN SWIFT.

Carlyle. IA addition to his other truu-
blcs, was great sufferer from dyspcp-
sis. lie was therefore anything but
sympathetic In intercourse with his
friends, anything but fair In his est
mates OF other writer's.
Though Carlyle personally liked Ten
nyson. he spoke with impatlcnce Of his
"cobbllng his odes." dismissed Jane
Austens novels as ''dlshwnshlngs" :"
Hallam, the historian. ms dry AZ dust
and Goldsmith as an Irish black.
guard" Even the writers OF editorials
In the press were scored by the irrita-
BILE sage Of Chelsea. what are these
fellows dolngT' he asked. They only
serve TO cancel one another"
A characteristic Incident illustrates
Carlylc's disposition 10 inflct pain even
ON Il friend. An artist who frcquented
the house Of Carlyle painted picture
of him In his dressing gown smoking n
pipe 10y the trcside and Mrs Carlyle
In an armchair sitting opposite him.
The portrait was hung at one OF the
Royal acadomy's exhibitions and
though not n striking work OF art, was
purchased by Lord Ashburton, Car
lylc's friend for $500
The delighted artist hurried or to
the Carlyles. expecting congratulations
ON the sale and some manifestation Of
pleasure ON their part ut having such
n value placed ON n picture Of them
selves aud their domestic interior. lie
delivered his glad tidings. but the
only response he got from Carlyle was
"Well, mon. 900 was just tI05 too
much"
Browning one day left copy of his
new poems at Carlylc'A house In
speaking Of this action to Tcnnyson
the next day Carlyle broke out with a
savage snar:
what did that fellow mean by leav.
ing that cart load of stones at my
door,"
Tennyson himself. though not nearly
30 grouchy as the Chelsea sage. was
yet considerably of growler On occa
sion Especially did this tendency on
his part become manifest when he sus-
pectcd n disposition on any side to
lionlze him.
II Is related that at n dinner In Lon
don 10 which he had gone much
against his will at the solicitation OF
n relative the poet laureatN soon dis
covered that the company were expect.
Ing some pearl OF thought from him.
He glowered at the gathering In such
way as vislbly TO dlsconcert some Of
them. Then. as II purposcly To utter
the most unpoetical remark he could
devise. with grim smile he turned TO
his hostess-all the guests In absolute
silence waiting the slightest word OF
genius-and growlcd out:
madam. ! like my mutton cut In
chunks In chunks, madam, In chunks"
Perhaps the greatest crouch OF lit
erature was Dean Swift, that whimsi-
cal misnnthrope who evinced n morbid
delight In humiliating his social infe
riors because he himself when young
had been outrageously affronted by his
superiors.
Swift had acted as private secretary
10 Sir william Temple. Once when
Sir William was confined to his bed
with gout the king. William Ill. visit
ed him. and Swift ohclated as his
majesty's guide through the gardens
Of Moor Park The king taught the
secretary how to cut asparagus in the
Dutch way. and Swift had also the
felicity of seeing him eat the vegetable
Years aftcrward. when Swift was
dean Of St rntrick's cathedral In Dub
lin. his publisher. Faulkner. called at
the dcanery on business connected
with some proof sheets Having been
detained until near dinner time. he
was pressed 10y the dean to dine with
him Asparagus was one OF the veg
etabes. and the guest asked for n
second helping.
"Sir." snapped Swift, pointing TO
Faulkner's plate. first finish what you
have upon your plate"
"What. sir? Eat the stalksr asked
the astonished publisher
aye sir. Eat the stalks or you'll
have no more King william always
ate his stalks" added the dean In his
most imperious manner.
Whereupon the meek Faulkner, yield.
/ Ing to the deans will, ate the stalks
most submlssively.
Shortly after the deans death Faulk-
ner was relating the Incident as an H.
/ lustration OF Swlft's insolence
"And you were silly enough to obey
hmT" asked some one.
Yes" replied Faulkner. "and let me
add. sir, that II you had dlned with
Dean Swift you would have eaten
| your stalks too"