davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18
Telephone PoIitcncHH

For politeness in using a telephone
II is claimed that Thomas Devinney, OF
the Belmont Driving Club. near Mar
berth, is the beau idol of the country
His yes marms," beg pardons." and
thank yous" flow from his mouth as
water rolls from a ducks back after a
bath. The story goes that Devinney
was recently holding conversation over
The phone with a widow. who had lost
an umbrella on a recent visit to the
club house. After begging her pardon
for keeping her waiting, he brought out
an umbrella that had been left at the
club. called her up again. and. while
holding up the shade. asked. is this
yours?' forgetting that she was miles
away. The widow. after a hearty laugh.
replied, Il cannot see that far. but sup
pose IL is" Tom blushed over his mis-
take, and when she said good-by he
doffed his hat in respect to her sex.
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18

The average man will be thankful IL he
can make small cold storage chicken
grow this Thanksgiving Day where a fat
and enthusiastic gObbler grew a few
years aCo.
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18
Told the Truth.

Send me some money 70 get myself
out Of this trouble wrote the Prodigal
Son. "and I'll promise 10 begin all over
again Yes" muttered the old man.
crumpling up the letter in his horny fist
That's just what I'm afraid you'd do
Didn't expect you to confess II. though. -
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18
Even with His way.

'Our baby gives us lots OF trouble.
Yels unless he has his own way"
ours yells anyhow. You don't know
what trouble is"
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18
"a Modern Instance,

Note the strange contrast in those women
there
The one with white. the one with golden
hair:
Mother and daughter-yes. See how the
eyes
OF one look on the world with glad sur
prise.
And find IL fresh and fair,
But see the others eyes, with wisdom
frauEht,
Wearied Of everything expecting naught-
There's innocence and knowledge for you,
Who
Could dream those eyes or gray and eyes
OF blue
From the same household brought?
An. But the tragic meaning OF Il. flung
By those two glances at us, without
tongue
To speak. is sophisticated. cold.
II is the girls eyes that are wise and
old
The mothers that are young!
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18
Had Rren There.

Here's a firm advertises for genteel
man. not afraid Of good pay, one willing
TO start at ten and qait at three. You
have all the qualifications to land that
job
IAN except the $4,000 to invest in the
business
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18
some New Microbes.

The list of microbes continues TO grow
steadily. That of whOoping-cOugh must
now be added TO the list. Dr. H AL
brecht. OF the Wilhelm Hospital. recently
spoke or the subject before the Vienna
Medical Society. declaring that he had
discovered the specific agent that caused
the complaint. There had for some time
been suspicion that a kind of bacillus
was at the bottom, but DR.. Albrecht felt
himself able to assert that whOoping-
cough bacillus was Identical with that
of influenza
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18
The Politician

a boomlet by salt Rivers brim
A busted b0omlet was to him.
And nothing more.
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18

Evidently Mr.. Caleb Powers made a
grave mistake in not being born a mem
ber OF the Judge Hargis household
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18
AI,var. the Kicker

From The Chicago Post
Pretty soon people viii begin 10 kick
against being paid In gold
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18

While the Mississippi Supreme Court
holds that Go TO hades' is not pro-
fame il comedies that there is lO law
compelling acceptance OF the invitation
BY the party to whom it is addressed.
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18

Whenever King Edward wants to show
his new diamond to his friends. he will
be obliged to have it brought forth IN a
market basket
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18

Il appears that the Car has at last Sc
cured Douma that is as tame and easily
managed as Uncle Joe" Cannon's
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18

Those Chicago highwaymen who held up
a newspaper man We're evidently keen
students Of human nature. Not only did
they provide him with a good story, but
tcklcd his vanity at the same time
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18

When are we happicst2" queries the
Birmingham Age-Herald. When We tear
a leaf from the calendar and discover
that the new month has five pay days
in IL.
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18

Mrs. Carrie Nation says she would not
kiss man who chews tobacco. though
this probably is not a tobacco cure likely
TO rcvolutionize the industry.
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18
No Deal.

Here. Sim. gimme a POT O. lard fer this
coonskin."
Takes two coonskins TO get pot o
lard these days. Zeb.
An next month it'n take four coon
skins. I spose?"
It's more n likely"
We'll. I'll jest keep my coonskins tn
the lard market slumps. 1 don't halter
eat my vittles fried"
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18
Montreal Cabmen.

There are Gp0 cabmen in Montreal. and
IN winter they exchange the cab Ior the
sleigh. An energetic man IS said 10
earn roughly $3.50 per annum. or about
G5o0. II takes 80. or e. a week 10
maintain horse and cab properly. and
the license fee is SO The ~Cabby' Of
Montreal must have his application
signed by twelve responsible citizens. by
the police captain in the ward IN which
he resides and By q clergyman. -Four
hundred of the co cabmen are married
and altogether 3.0cG persons in Montreal
gain living. directly or indirectly.
through the cab business
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18
Brute.

Il shall never speak % you again" de-
clared Mrs. Jawback. reduced 10 tears at
the end Of the argument.
Just like a woman" scoffed Mr.. Jaw
back, brutally. If You can't get your
way I'm any other way. yOu resort 10
bribery"
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18

The next foreign nobleman scheduled TO
appropriate one Of our heiresses is En-
manuel Theodore Bernard Marie d'Albert
de Luynes dAllyneuf, Due de Chaulnes et
de PioupUiguy. The lady I'm the case
should be very careful 20 see that he is
properly mObilized on the wedding day.
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18

Good morning. Oklahomal Shake. old
state" says the Baltimore Sun. Evil
IDENTIFY trying TO fatter the baby into the
belief that II is already a full grown
member OF the family.
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18

Learn 10 be easy losers" was the Sec
retary Of Wars advice 10 the FHiplnos
"Forget II" would have answered as WelI.
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18

An Ohio woman Is suing her husband
for divorce because he viii not applaud
her playing on the accordion. For the
mans sake. the divorce should be granted
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18

The Taft boom could hardly be 1atter
II the gentleman had stepped on it him.
self
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18

A Connecticut man went crazy because
he was not permitted TO vote A number
Of people appear TO do that trick just be-
fore they vote.
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18

Perhaps Mr.. Bryan couldn't find It in
his heart 10 disappoint the I-told-you-sos.
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18
Something Wrong.

SAY, has somebody started the report
that I'm rich?~
What makes you ask that?''
We'll. the girl got engaged to at the
summer resort is acting as II she thought
We were engaged yet
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
HIS REMARKABLE RISE.

Consider Taft,
The chap we love;
A man OF craft.
Yet like dove
He gets the homage of the hovel.
But even kings before him groyel
Consider Taft
He belts the globe
And men go daft
To bear his robe.
Swart potentates bow down in wonder
And hail him as a son OF thunder.
Consider Taft,
And his great rise;
His praise we watt
Unto the skies.
Yet he I'm youth, though neat and natty
have 10 doubt was known as Fatty.
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18

Alabama these days is a red-hot. ram
pant theoretical prohibitionist.
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18

New York Representative. SMITH -WIIBERDING
SPECIAL AGENCY, Tribune Building.
Chicago Representative. CHARLES A. BAR
AARD. Boyce Building.
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18

The Washington Herald is delivered By
carrier ia the District Of Columbia aud at
Alexandria, Va, at s. cents per month,
daily aud Sunday, or at % cents per
month tCithOut the Sunday issue.
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18

F. B. Tisdell Of Wyoming: d. A. Hous-
ton. Of Texas: J. A. Mclean. Of Idaho;
o. J. Craig. OF Montana; Brown Ayres.
OF Tennessee; ". O. Thomson. Of Ohio;
r. r. Gault. OF South Dakota. and JAM
a. Baker Of Colorado. all presidents
the universities Of their RESPECTIVE Sta,
are al the ShOreham for The meeting
the National Association OF State I'm
versities. which begins At that hotel To
morning
The Washington herald., 1907-11-18

Congressman James II. Kennedy. NJ
Youngstown. Ohio. who is reported tc
have been largely Instrumental I'm tr-
launching OF a Taft boom On PittSburE.
The home Of Senator Knox was at the
Riggs House last night.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1907-01-31

General Nogi, the Japanese COM
mander who captured Port Arthur, the
Russian stronghold, has been seriously
hurt by being thrown from his horse.
1t seems like the irony of fate, after
escaping the perils of a great war, to
meet with so comparatively common
place an accident. The incident re-
calls the annoying experience of one
of the famous fighters in our own civil
war who, having gone through that
famous conflict, later lost leg as the
result of mule kick.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1907-01-31

with the Atores in Huston, buy1n'
mostly from the catylog folks " know.
an so we didn't have any credit there
to speak OF. But / went t Foster, tn
druggist. an told him how things
was. didn't have no money T. pay
fer tn medicine an things, an the
prospects fer the next year was as
poor er poorer than tn last. II
"'Why cert'niee, Mr.. Williams he
says, Jest let us know what you want
an we'll carry you along till times
come better fer you. We're all in a
tight pinch now. but II we hang t'geth-
er things Is all goin' to come out right
in the end. have faith in tn coun-
try, an in the people that live here.
an nobody's sick baby is goin' to
suffer II kin help any,
well. II was the samo thing at
Harlow. grocery, an tn coal yard,
everywhere in tn town. 'Cert'nlee,
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1907-01-31
Why There Are No Mail
Order Catalogues in
One Home.
FARMER WILLIAMS LESSON
In Time Of Adversely He Got to Un-
derstand Who Were His Real
Frlends-Prosperlty In Stand.
Ing Together.

Copyright, 1905, by Alfred C. Clarlx)
What y got there, Sis?' inquired
Farmer Williams, as he kicked off his
felt boots and set them carefully be-
hind the stove to dry. That's what
thought it looked like. one of them
there Chicago catylogs, though hain't
seen one clost fer quite few years
back. Me an your ma ust to buy
mighty nigh everything we used out
of them catylogs when we first come
to Kansas. Land sakes, / have to
laugh now sometimes when / think Of
the way we would git ketched onct in
awhile. They's some cheap things in
them catylogs, an then agin they's q
lot t amt so cheap. Y never kin
tell till they come, an then It's too
late to send 'em back. But as was
a 'sayin', we hain't bought nothin' out
of catylog fer right smart o. years
now, an the way it come about l had
as we'll tell y, cause don't think
y really remember much about II.
when we come to Kansas long in
the first Of the SOS we got along right
we'll We was able to pay cash fer
what we got, and we got the money
fer everything we sold. We was pay
in out on the place right along; crops
was purity good an we was feelin'
like the Lord was smilin' on our
efforts, and the happy home we
dreamed about when we first got mar
ried was in sight.
But they come change in Kansas
long in the last half of the sos
Times got hard and KEEP a gittin'
tighter. Four straight years 1t was
so dry y had to soak the hogs afore
they'd hold swill-though l will say
they was some extry reason on ac-
count of the swill bein' SO thin--wheat'
jest died in the ground fer want of
rain, and the hot winds billed the ever
lastin' sap out Of the corn. They
wasn't no pasture, no nothing. You
can know we was feelin' purity blue
about that time, but We was young
and strong. and thought with the
+ chickens an hogs we could git through
| anyway. -.
Then one day you got to complain.
In and lookin' so thin it worried J. US.
Your ma is middlin' good doctor,
take it all around, but nothing she
could think OF done you any. good.
Well, you KEEP gittin' pindl.er and
pindlier, till you got so'st y wouldn't
do nothin'; but set IN a chair by the
kitchen stove, wrapped in your mas
old shawl, an you looked so pitiful
that we made up our minds to have
the doctor, even II 1t took tn last
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1907-01-31

AT no period, perhaps, has the
spirit of reform exerted itself more
strenuously than in our own time, but
this has been not because we are pes
simistic. says the Boston Globe. but
because we are distinctly optimistic.
The pessimist accomplishes no re-
forms; he leans back and sneers at
those evils which he thinks hopeless
of correction. 1t is the optimist who
achieves improvements, because his
indignation is fresh and hopes are
high.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1907-01-31

New regulations of the steamboat
inspection service restrict the use Of
sirens and other steam-whistles in
New York, Philadelphia and Boston.
Only fire-boats and government ves-
sells are to be allowed to sound the
hair-raising siren. The improved reg
ulations are in considerable measure
due to the persistent work of one
woman, although she has been assist
ed by many other vigorous pleaders.
We are willing to endure the neces-
sary noises of life, but good health
demands that we shall be spared un-
necessary shocks to the nervous sys.
TEN through the delicate ear.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1907-01-31

1t has just been discovered that
Gashavant G.. Pandit, very wealthy
high-caste Hindu and protege of the
Gaekwar of Baroda, is working as a
common laborer in an acid factory at
Roscoe, N. D. Pandit, though said to
be worth millions, works and lives as
the other laborers do. Industrial con-
ditions in India are in deplorable
state, he declares, and it is his inten.
tion to take part in the task of revo-
lutionizing them in his native land.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1907-01-31
"Why cert'nles, Mr.. Williams, Jest
Let Us Know What You Want"

chicken on the place. Well, he come.
and after he'd looked at you awhile
an felt your pulse, he shet his watch
up with snap, an says, quiet like:
Better fix up a warm place fer her
In the front room, don't have too much
light nor any drafts to strike her.
Then we knowed 1t want no small
sickness we had to fight, an when we
got you fixed up in bed follered Doc.
out on the porch an says: Well,
Doc.,' sez I, what's the matter with
our little girl?'
4 don't want to skeer ye, Mr., Will
liams,' says he. but I'm afraid she's
in for siege OF typhoid fever
well, after he was gone went out
in the kitchen an told your ma, but
she says, brave az kin be: Well, Ezra,
II the Lord has seen fit to put that
much more on our load we must bear
up an fight 1t out doin' our duty the
best we kin. leayin' the rest to him.
An thought so too. So we Jest KEEP
our hearts brave an done what
seemed right t do.
''The hardest thing was to figure out
where T. git the nedioine, an fruit
an dainty things your sickness called
to-, We hadn't been tradin' much
~ 49,.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1907-01-31

A striking appeal to the well-to-do
owner of motor car who exceeds the
speed limit was made recently by the
police commissioner of Boston. The
number of policeman is limited. When
they are detailed to watch motor car
drivers they are withdrawn from their
proper duty of guarding homes and
preventing disorder. Business men
and professional men rich enough
to own motor cars, have property
which needs police protection. They
sacrifice part of this protection, says
Youths Companion, by keeping some
of the police on the watch for their
offenses against the road laws.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1907-01-31

Judge Addison, well-known iurlst
of London, recently retired, was in the
habit of indulging in the oldest OBJ.
servations while trying cases. On one
occasion opposing lawyers were
does an egg become stale?" The
Judge, who had vivid recollections of a
close election contest in which he fig.
ured, declared that the real test OF
an eggs staleness was the moment it
became fit for use at a contested elec.
tion.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1907-01-31

One group of government employees.
at least, must be admitted to do their
work at small expense. The engineers
of the land office during the last fiscal
year surveyed s,5O0,OOO acres of public
land at an average cost of four and
one half cents an acre. Even this Is
an increase over the expense in pre-
yious years, which has been three
and one-haif and four and one-third
cents. The reason is that most of
the level, accessible and easily sur
veyed land has been disposed of. That
which has to be surveyed now is
mountainous or inaccessible, and con,
sequentiy the cost is greater,
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1907-01-31
- -, a. 1,s "
QUEEN OF HEARTS No. 2
BY IVA ETA SULLIVAN

y t i
THE lines say, you did not give her
a chance to explain. !"
why should II" said the man, r
saw her kiss him. =
7 see by your hand, z said the girl
sharply, that she was very unhappy
and went away. When you see her.
You will be much surprised, but you
must ask her to explain. She Will tell
you who he was.', s
II do not care to know He was
very sarcastic.
There is great happiness for you."
she went on, 'and an engagement, an
embarrassment, and If you wish 1t q
wedding OF you and the girl"
Don't you see yourself In my fu-
ture?" he teased her.
Il am not reading my own fortune,
1 am only reading yours"
You can not be q good fortune-tell-
er, Il you do not see yourself. You
know YOU promised to be my partner
In the game for life Let me read
your hand and will tell you what !
see."
Partners" she told him mischiev-,
ously, never show their hand and be-
sides i'll take of my red gloves, my
costume will be spoiled. After tho
last dance. we are to unmask and then
you can read the future"
Il know 1t without reading the
PALM" said the man, slipping on his
mask to cool his face, the stars over
the water tell me that you and / are to
be together forever just as they are. :"
Il saw in your hand that you made
almost the same speech to the girl
with red hair, who used to reign as
queen"
The man slipped on his mask to
hide his embarrassment. "Your pow
ers Of reading are certainly very won;
derfu1, but much more remarkable for
the past than the future. can hard
ly deny that said 1t to the other
queen"
The Ace and Two Spot strolled by
and the Milkmaid from Paris trailed
lin leaning on the arm OF the king.
This set is for the-cards alone and /
am out Of that" said the milkmaid,
.'but as special privilege" she spoke
to the king, "I'll let you dance this
Win ~ lne queen.
.a.s, lay. pioasea. aeaI hins, .,., sse q, :
salu iaaassly, n..Ns ~ uauce .n,S VIII sne
..s,,. ian. .uf oos'uines 81 ~ "en -
~ rao,,v !. ,vor,d ,,,,,ch. nrasar +ba
n,,nn,s;d ' ~, ~ sron, sofa 4 ~ rine
m,.h = : ,a, .,,,a.,nr svs M ,,..ss s d.. ~ @ a,n
nosa - q - nan nat | he Than .ha @ n,,aon Z q
- "a = - -,,.h ~ ~. AL; E az =
I'LL .ue ). .a.A asu .aS ~ n. :,
- us ,a,a .ponSm .ne .ne W. spos On, nv -,
.h.. ~ - thras ~ - S,a,nordy" M =. -,
Tba n,,,s,c haesn tha 600 ana two
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1907-01-31

A wealthy American girl is going to
marry baseball player. This is cer-
tainly an indication that the tastes Of
the girls have been elevated since the
days when they used to pick out dukes
and counts.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1907-01-31

James Bryce, the new British am
bassador to this country, has declined
to receive a title. He need not ex-
pect to become popular with our
heireSseS.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1907-01-31

OF languages which SO widely diff
fer among themselves as to be in
comprehensive without particular
study the number readily exceeds
1000.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1907-01-31
JOE c. COMBS, Editor.

What does the Kaiser know about
good cooking, anyhow? He has no
fond memories of the kind mother
used to make.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1907-01-31

"Man is plain necessity says one
Of the women writer's. Oh, well, he
wouldn't be so plain If he fixed up"
the way woman does.
Santa Fe new Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1898-1951, 1907-05-14

ANTONIO ALARID LAYS
DOWN LIFE'S BURDEN
Probate Judge Of Santa Re County
Expires After Lingering Illness
Lifelong Resident of City.

Santa Fe loses one of it's best
known and most highly respected ma.
| tive residents in the death of Antonio
Alarid, probate judge of Santa Fe
| County, and leader Of Professor Per.
ez's Band, which occurred at 10
o'clock last night at the family resi-
dence on Galisteo Street He had
been in poor health for upwards of a
year but i. was only during the past
few months that his illness became
serious. Complications developed and
he was finally confined to bed.
The deceased was forty-eight
years Of age and was born in Santa
Fe. Up to about year ago and since
attaining manhood ne possessed splen-
did physique but the powerful consti-
tuition could not Withstand the un-
dermining Of his health. Rheumatism
was one of the factors which he had
to combat and he had planned to go
to one of the spring resorts as soon
as the weather permitted to try The
bath treatments.
Antonio Alarid as a youth learned
the trade of printer In the composing
rooms of the Daily New Mexican but
of recent years had not followed it
as means of livelihood. He was the
first city marshal of Santa Fe which
position he held for eight years and
at various other times he was deputy
sheriff Of Santa Fe County and a
deputy United States marshal.
Last fall he received the Republi-
can nomination for probate judge and
was elected by a safe majority, as
suming the duties of the Office with
the incoming county administration
on January /.
Mr. Alarid was an ex-chief and a
charter member of the Santa Fe Fire
Department. He had been manager
and leader for some time of the band
which bears the name of the ate
Professor Perez.
There survive him or the immediate
family two sons, Henry and Adolfo
Alarid, and one daughter, Elisa Ala.
rid His wife died year ago. Other
relatives left to mourn his death are
four brothers, Canuto Alarid, Amadeo
Alarid and Ricardo Alarid, all OF
Santa Fe, the latter being justice OF
the peace of precinct 4, and Seferino
Alarid of San Pedro.
The deceased was a member OF the
Woodmen of the World, a fraternal
society, and also Of Santa Fe local
No. 405, International Typographical
Union
The funeral services will be held
Thursday
Santa Fe new Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1898-1951, 1907-05-14
SLOW WORK GETTING
HAYWOOD JURY
Not Likely That Defendant Will be
Placed on Trial Before Next Week
Five Men Accepted.

Boise, Idaho, May 14-With twelve
jurymen in the box, four of whom
have been passed by both the prose
cution and the defense and seventy
four talesmen yet to be called, the
trial of w. D. Haywood, opened this
morning at 10 o'clock, the third day
of the trial, with no prospect of com
pleting the jury before the end of the
week.
Clarence S. Darrow, Of Chicago
took up the examination of witnesses
for the defense today when the trial
was resumed, beginning with ]. L.
Waggoner. After a searching examin
alton Waggoner was finally excused
by the court 1t developed in the ex
animation of j. w. Smeed, the next
venireman, that he was opposed to
circumstantial evidence and he was
promptly challenged by the prosecu
ton. Attorney Hawley, Of the prose
cution stated that the evidence of the
state was largely circumstantial The
challenge was allowed
One more juror was secured as a
result of the morning session. This
makes five now in the box all Of whom
are subject to a peremptory challenge
before they are finally sworn in as
trial jurors.