davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Coconino sun., 1907-10-24
Very Much Heavier.

Church--At recent church fair in England one of the means used for increasing the receipts was a guessing contest as to the weight of the pastor.
 Gotham-Before or after?
 Church--Before or after what?
 Gotham-Before or after preach ing.
 Church-What difference would that make?
 Gotham--A good deal. Some pas tors are much heavier when preach ing. ' onkers Statesman.
The Coconino sun., 1907-10-24
Tn. AlIio.,or,, sI..v.

A man who passed himself of as an animal keeper at zoo had one spring an experience with an alli- gator which cost the concern dear. The alligator had not awakened from his winter nap when the keep CT appeared on the scene at the park. He could not understand why the saurian slept and thought it was sick. He punched the alli- gator and tried in many ways to wake it up. He also noticed that the creature did not eat. Finally. growing desperate for fear that he would have a death on his hands, the keeper bought ten pounds of beef, pried open the saurian's. huge jaws and poked the meat down his throat with fence rail. A few days later the thick skinned crea- ture died. The keeper later ex- plained that he did not know that alligators slept in the winter and did not eat anything during their long maps.
The Coconino sun., 1907-10-24
A ROOM OF soBs AND MoANs
Walls, They Say, Have Ears. but These
 Had Mournfui Voices,

"Rooms retain the sighs and sobs of the people who have lived in them," said the woman. That's the reason l like to live in new flat that nobody has had time to be unhappy in. l was living in such a flat once when suddenly l took notion that nothing would do me but a studio in Washington square. You know, there are some of the oldest sort of houses down there houses that have been lived in and lived in, that people have laughed in sometimes. of course, but that are full of the echoes of sobs.
 "You don't believe that, do you? Well, wait till l tell you. l found what l thought was the thing to suit me for life. 1 concluded to stay there forever. Never to move out of that studio in Washington square. You never saw more beau tiful view from the three windows overlooking the park. Delicate twigs, almost like shadows of .twigs, blue skies, heecy clouds and birds in the trees singing. Besides, there was an open grate for fire. If l had nothing to eat concluded that there should always be fire in that grate.
 But I,moved in on a rainy day. The rain lashed the window panes. Some twigs struck at them like knuckles. It was dusk when l got my things strengthened about lit- tie and sat down to rest by the open fire. The maid threw on an extra little log for luck and went out Except for the flicker of the fire light the room was dark. The light from the fire acoentuated the darkness. It left deep shadows in the corners.
 At first thought the sobs and moans were the rain outside, but when the rain died down the sighs continued. Once the door that l had thought was firmly fastened blew wide open. l was rigid with fright before l got up sufficient courage to rise and lock it. All night long 1 seemed to hear sighs and whispers.
 "l stayed there a month before 1 asked what the matter was. I be- came nervous wreck. The mo- ment dusk came lighted every gas jet, every candle. l was afraid to go. to bed. My bed seemed sur rounded by invisible creatures, who sighed and sobbed. Finally I went to the owner,
 "'Who lived in these rooms be- fore 1 did?' I asked him.
 GA doctor, he answered. He was also surgeon He lived here fifteen years
 For fifteen years Patients coming and going, telling their tales of woe, sobbing, moaning, signing, grieving! No wonder the walls held the memories of their sufferings, had kept their sighs and their sobsl And where my bed stood had stood his operating table. No wonder that around it came those invisible creatures who had sobbed and suf- fered there!
 Move? l couldn't get a van quick enough. The following day found me long way from that sur geon's studio in Washington square, with its moans and sighs." "--New York Press.
The Coconino sun., 1907-10-24
L R TREAT
They Make You Feel Good.

The pleasant purgative effect ex- perienced by all who use Chamber. lain's Stomach and Liver Tablets. and the healthy condition of the body and mind which they create makes one feel joyful. Price. 25 cents. Sample free at all dealers drug store.
The Coconino sun., 1907-10-24
A Monthly Magazine Devoted 10
 the Use of English
JOSEPHINE TURCK BAKER. Editor
PARTIAL CONTENTS

Course in Grammar. How to Increase Ones Vo-
 cabulary. The Art of Conversation. Shall and Will; Should and
 Would: How to Use
 Them. Pronunciations (Centuary
 Dictionary. Correct English in the Home. Correct Eoglish in the School. What to Say and What Not
 to Say. Course Tn Letter Writing and
 Punctuation. Alphabetic list of Abbrevia-
 tions. Business English for the
 Business Man. Compound words; How to
 Write Them. : Studies in English Literature.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-21
Insurinp Big Voices.

European resentment of American
millionaire managers who coax away
all the greatest opera singers would
be suspected of concealing satire If
it were not so obviously sincere. One
German manager calls American
opera houses benevolent insurance
institution used by singers to protect
themselves against the inevitable day
of broken voices or changes of public
fancy. A popular singer makes $2,-
500 a season in Berlin and $25, 200 in
New York. She chooses New York
that she may put the $4,000, or
whereabouts, in securities and await
with calmness the loss of her precious
organ. sri.
Art is becoming SO mercenary. at
least so financially sophisticated, that
we may begin to ask lover here why
the artists discriminate against U.S.
Why should we pay $25,000 for 81, 500
in vocal value? 1t seems a bit jug
handled" And the instrumentalists-
they are not SO liable to .break-downs.
Their good right arms and. supple fin
gers ought to last as long as those of
common men. Insurance is not in
dictated in their cases. Yet we Ameri-
cans must, pay double rates for the
pleasure of hearing them. A young
violinist, Bagota, is now being handled
and exploited in London for an at
tack on our revenues. We do not grid
so fercely at being treated as a great
Insurance concern for musicians. but
may be allowed~to suggest that the
cost be shared more evenly by the
European patrons of the art.-Phila-
delphia Public Ledger. -sP-..4.s
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-21
AYHAWKER JOTS

Uncle. Nat Daniels, an inmate of
the Soldiers Home at Leavenw orth, Is
said to be the oldest living member of
the B. P O. E. He also has the dis
The Pittsburg Headlight has start
ed a story to the effect that Walker
Whit eside, the fam GUS dram dian,
and that the Whitesides lived on a
claim near Girard. ..s ers, 5.sfai ~
Proud and boastful over the towns
prosperity does 1t make the people of
Anthony because there were one hum
dred and fifty buggies in the village
on Saturday. Would you believe it?
Many of them were actually rubber
tired - $50
sixteen year old boy named Ken
needy, whose home is at Colwich, has
been taken to Wichita for treatment
of a gun shot wound which destroyed
his left eye. One of Kennedy's
friends took aim with a gun at a
sparrow and hit the boy in the eye.
The baby daughter, aged 13 months
of. Mr.. and Mrs. E. G. Swayze, of Po-
mona, was accidentally struck in the
eye with a switch the other morning,
while playing with some children. 1t
is probable that the child will lose the
sight of the eye. DR.. Tiffany, spec
and in com pany with DR. Johnson. of
Pomona, operated on the eye.
Atchison is not large city but
circumstance happened there day or
SO ago which was unusual to say the
least. A man and woman met acct
dentally, and renewed an acquain-
lance which was begun forty-six years
ago when they were schoolmateS in
Atchison. Both have lived there con-
tinuously, but they never happened to
meet. after leaving school, until the
other day.
That dining room girl in the Barons
House at Concordia was certainly
justified in pressing charge of dis
turbing her peace against three of the
town .gallants whom she had arrested.
These gentlemen entered the young
lady's room and pulled the bed cloth
ing off her while she was asleep. This
merry little prank cost them $26.90l
each. In the writeup of this escapade
that this. act in defiance of a.
.'city ordinance" One is therefore
led to believe that this was INDUCED
in quite extensively until prohibited
by 2. city law.
Because COWS do not thrive on a
diet of iron and glass, Herman Shaw
of Mcpherson. lost valuable one a
few days ago. Several weeks
ago the COW took sick and
Dr. Arnott, a veterinarian, was
he advised Mr.. Shaw that it would not
do any good to treat the animal for
the fact that her stomach had been
pierced by wire or nail, e. cfrcum-
stance which could only prove fatal.
The COW was in such pain a couple of
days ago that Mr.. Shaw decided to put
her out misery Afterwards an
examination showed that a six penny
nail, almost rusted away. had pierced
the stomach toward the heart Be
sides the larger nail a ,shingle nail,
sharp tacks, a number of pieces OF
wire and a quantity of glass and grav-
ell were also found in the animals
II
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-21
GLOBE SIGHTS.
IRON the Atchison Globe.

| IFrom the Atchison Globe
There is a peace that costs NOR,
| than a fight.
| 1t is so easy for society to shock tn,
| people who are not in it.
There never was a person so In.
significant that they could not be an
noying.
Some people will never admit the
truth about others, when 1T is credit
able. ..a
proud, and who has nothing to
back 1t.
Notice to mothers: A big orange in
the toe of every stocking is wonder-
fully filling. y
If you have good luck today. watch
tomorrow carefully; there Is Big
Slap coming to you.
The more talk of culture there is
around a mans house, the fewer good
things he has to eat.
Don't let that saying that you will
be dead a long time" excuse you for
making a fool of yourself.
The longer woman knows man,
the less she cares about her personal
appearance when with him.
Nearly every man has a story of a
bully getting whipped. How people
enjoy hearing of bully running!
A woman would as soon think of
shaking her fist at a. corpse as to fail
to treat Christmas with Proper Re-
spect. Il.
When a number of men "chip In
to raise a fund, a mighty big hog is
sure to develop; a hog who will not
pay his share.
In cases where husbands and wives
quarrel, in one case out Of seven or
eight thousand, the man is right. But
no one dares say SO.
Railroad men are a good deal like
sixteen year old girls: they have a
popular and prosperous period, and
then begin to decline i-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-21
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.

IFrom the Chicago News-l
Platonic love is the banked fire Of
passion.
Are you better or worse today than
you were yesterday?
Many a woman looks good who In
anything but good looking.
Give the average youth plenty of cold
cash and he. Will have a hot time
Although the man who doesn't nav
his debts may be gone he isn't forgot
ten t..-4
Many a woman is homesick because
she can't get away for two weeks
visit.
When nature neglects to make a fool
of man 1t gives some woman a
chance.
There's something wrong with the
mind of child that refuses to mind its
parents.
Every married woman knows at least
half a dozen men who. she imaRines.
envy her husband.
Perhaps the best way to malxa
money out OF stocks is to have moth.
ing to do with them.
II we could only induce the three-ba;.
merchant to accept our hopes az coilat-
eral for small loani
It's UP to the fatted calf to hike for
the tall timber when he sees the rrodI-
gal SON entering the kitchen door.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-21
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.
[From the Philadelphia Record. ]

lFrom the Philadelphia Record.1
1t Is often difficult to distinguish be-
tween the peacemaker and the butter
In.
If you would avoid your fair-weather
friends save your money for a. rainy
day.
The fellow who goes looking for trou-
BILE shouldn't burn his bridges behind
him.
1t is really very doubtful If a rab-
bits foot will bring man any more
luck than a hare lip.
Remember, young man, IT doesn't al
ways pay to marry the girl who can
make the best fudge.
A man Is never SO willing to admit
that he is one of the common people as
when he runs for office.
If a man loses we say "a fool and
his money are soon parted" II he wins
we say "a fool for luck
Tommy-'Pop, what is a diplomat 7''
Tommy's Pop-"A diplomat, my son, is
a man who takes the pot in spite of the
fact that the other fellow holds the
higher hand"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-21

sold to the world at large, In ADDITION
/ to what we used ourselves. foodstuns'
Toll, cotton, and manHfact articles
lamounting to abouta$ SO, 600 goo more
than for the month ofcsNovember IN
1902, and at that time we thought
ourselves on the crest of the pros
perity wave.
These gains have been enormous
for the farmers. The exports Of
breadstuffs for November were $24,>
736s636. or almost $10.0O0,0O0 more
than for the same month last year.
The exports of cotton show "a gain or
about $7,0Qo,000 and of mineral oil
of about $1.0o0.oo0 as compared with
November, 1906. The total exports
of breadstuffs, meat and dairy prod
and mineral oil for the eleven months
ending November 80 reached the
stupendous total of $s41.27s.s46.
which is the record in our commercial
history.
The total for 1907 will be far in ex-
cess of that for the previous calendar
year and the world pays us for this
surplus of our production, the pros
perity of the farmer having come In
spite of short crops in many direc-
lions. He has reaped the benefit or
high prices abroad, and the shortage
of currency today is largely due to the
necessity of paying him for another
record breaking crop which will In
crease the figures In the future stili
more.
Other figures indicate that compar-
ing what we buy of the outside world
with what we sell. we are better Off
than ever before in the country's his
tory and that the balance from trade
due US reaches most. enormous sum-.
All of these facts go to show that
the country and its people, with the
possible exception of stock gamblers,
were never quite so prosperous as
they are 5 now and that the money
was due not to hard times,
but to the improper Vaccinations of
those In the purely financial world.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-21

awfully y late s az SMOKED i thrss cigars to
stiIn uiate my rhyming-I mean my poet
arsh me when YOU met Bobr Were
YOU at Harvard tegether7"
mef indis na Eyer T rh Shows how
much ones friends really think of EN-.
have s q believed sik 0 old Bob Would have been
ashamed to- own up to his friendship,
s0rrowfply was great f Sls
expression of reminiscence and generosity
--considering Yale was his own particu-
Mr. Jordan was not a hard man, to get
acquainted with; in fact, his acquaintance
advertised by the company as the fastest
The snowy day no longer seemed dismal
small nephews and nieces in Chicago to
make Christmas lively. If there was any
joyed in the dining car-if this was not
the most perfect Christmas day ever turn
ed out since 1 Ammo Domini-Mr. Jordan
But sas they neared Prescott, his stop
ping place. he awakened to the trouble
she forgive him and take it in the spirit
of fun and goodfellowship that prompted
tor would she consider herself insulted
call him some ladylike word for liar?
Misery fell upon him. She had made It
DRY of man. He wanted to spend the next
and the next in fact all the Christmas
days in his allotted three-score and ten
with her And
Bob will be surprised when you tell
him about me-" he plunged into the con-
fession abruptly.
After planning the whole day for us?"
she asked smiling.
: He loosened his necktie slightly.
you see, I-er-never met Bob, he said,
having the grace to blush when she gazed
at him with startled face.
oh. and you made it all up? indig-
nantly. 1,l
but want to know Bob. You have no
idea how anxious I to meet Bob.
Mayn't I come so see him as soon as my
business is completed?" he demanded Aag-
Perhaps there would be no harm in
it," she conceded. blushing slightly.
Fact is, I want to have a private con-
versation with him. want to ask Bob
.to-er-be my brother-in-law. Do you
The train steamed into Prescott and the
Jordan himself had forgotten he had any
baggage.
May I Gomez" he insisted.
She smiled and held out her hand for
good-by.
You might come and take a look at
Bob. Perhaps you wouldn't care for him.
she smiled.
Tin sure should adore Bob" pressing
her hand fervently. Tell him I'll be there
at the earliest possible date" he shouted,
break for the door as the train
started to move.-(Copyrighted 1907 by
Homer Sprague.O
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-21
THE MAN OF FEELING.

The poor love. really do
Those over whom the rich would lord 1t.
Il feel for them: I'd help them too. 81
Only, you see, can't afford it.
At times I'm flush; then the appeal
Or those 1 meet of humble station
do not SO acute1y feel
It's then I lack the inclination.
For money I've not any greed.
do not care at all to hoard IT.
Id freely give to those in need
Only. you see, can't afford it.
My natures liberal and kind,
And charity's obligation
sun. When my purse is full find
It's then 1 lack the inclination
It's not consistent, I confess.
But sympathy, can afford it,
And pity. too. I can express;
always feel can afford it.
Or valuable information.
FROM me may get 1t In a trice
always have the inclination.
Chicago News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-21
PROSPERITY is KING.

Official figures from governmental
reports furnish conclusive evidence
that the recent financial furry was due
to causes local in the New York
money mart and was not provoked by
hard times or because of a decline in
legitimate trade. For there can be
no such thing as hard times when
prosperity is king and prosperity was
never more firmly established on this
country's throne than it now is.
From these government statistics 1t
is shown that the people of this coun-
try are selling more abroad than they
ever did and are buying less. The
are supplying their own wants and
nave a surplus for the rest of the
world. These are not conditions which
provoke panic. but which insure
prosperity. The rest of the world
owes the people of this country enor-
nous sums of money for foodstuffs,
meat products, cotton. oil and manu-
featured goods.
Imports of gold during the recent
furry all told will scarcely pay for
the balance of trade in this country's
favor for the month of November
alone. There has been a scarcity OF
cash here now for two months or
more, but there has been no scarcity
of surplus supplies which the world
must have. They have been sold to
the world at good prices and the peo-
pie Of the United States must be pros
porous whether they want to be or
not
Taking government figures which
were corrected up to last Saturday
night, it will be seen. that our exports
for last month reached the enormous
sum Of S2o4,444, $50. This is, in round
numbers. $24,000,000 more than the
exports for the month of October ana
it is nearly $5,000,000 greater than the
largest monthly export in the previous
history of the country. We ACTUALLY
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-21
RESTRICTIONS OF A BACHELOR

From the New York Press.
An awful nice thing about girl is
how much better it tast ties when. she
won't let you kiss her.
The more sisters a man has the
easier it seems to be for him not to
know better than to get married. y
A man thinks. he's. practical when
he wishes he could discover some way
to sell his cigar ashes for. more than
1t costs him to smoke. :, q -
What woman likes about, reading
divorce cases VIII ere the correspondent
isn't named is how she can guess she
knows somebody 1t might be.
When a girl has black eyes and
golden hair she is so arttess she can
make you believe the thing to wonder
at Is how she got the color of her
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-21
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Many fur hunters are often skinned.
Foolhardiness frequently wooes
death with great success.
A neatly mended sock is darned
good evidence that the wearer is a
benedict. go
If it was not for the dowry any
quantity of girls would go through life
in state of single blessedness. ~-.-.----
When a woman tells her real age it
is most polite to remark that you
never believe but half you hear.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-21

Hoboes will probably steer clear OF
waterbury. Conn. A dozen farmers
took four of them in hand not long
ago for stealing some meat from d.
little girl. The tramps were COM
PEELED to take off all their clothes and
dance ring-around-the-ro in two
feet of snow while the farmers be-
labored them with horsewhips. This
may be an administration of mob law
but 1t is the kind of medicine that
hoboes need
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-21
EpOiN OTHER PENS
CAN .BI4AME THEMSELVES.

For the calling of troops to Gold
field the Western Federation has none
to blame other than itself AS a whole
the federation is composed of zintRli-
gent and lava biding citizens. but I'M
fortunately its policies have been di-
rected by as 1awlesS a band of I'M
desirables as ,eNefiinfested a mining
camp and ever since the arrival of
the latter in - Goldfield they have
done nothing butt inspire and provoke
trouble At the miners meetings. by
collision with the controlling officers,
whom they seated by question: BILE
methods, they have enacted rules and
created demands that were both arbi-
trary and tnsolent, and which work d
hardshipS on mine owners that could
only haye-resulted In revolt, for it was
beyond the patience of any man to
have stood their demagogic methods
for any considerable length of time. 1t
is too bad that the big majority of
the miners have been made to suffer
for the acts of the few agitators who
controlled, but there seemed to be no
other way to resume operations in the
mines of Goldfeld, the greatest gold
camp in the world, than to call in
the troops and have them protect
those who wanted and were willing
to work. How long the troops will re-
main here is of course a question for
the future to decide. There is, how
ever, one thing certain and that is
that the mines of Goldfeld are going
to be worked, and worked without in
reference from men whose only pur-
pose in life seems to be to create tur-
moil and strife.-Go1df1e1d Review.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-21

Governor Hoch is experiencing
some trouble in finding man for the
superintendency of the boys reforma-
tory. There are plenty of men who
would fall head over heels in their
hurry to accept the place but none of
these measure UP to standard deemed
necessary by the governor. Those
who do have more agreeable posi-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-21

Girls all over the land would dos
well to. emulate the example of bevy
of them in Worcester, Mass. They
have formed an "anti-rudeness" club
and propose to ostracize young men
who use slang, who do not dress neat
ly and do not show all proper defer
ence and politeness-.--
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-21

It's to be hoped that those decidedly
interesting cards sent out recently by
Mr.. Coburn, telling of Kansas won
derfu1 prosperity and showing a pic
ture of the typical Kansas girl. do not
get much of a foreign circulation. If
they do, Kansas will soon become the
mecca OF the 1eeches who are hunting
for pretty girls with fortunes.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-21

That welcome to Admiral Evans
feet. which has been extended by
the prominent statesmen of japan,
is quite as generous as it is courteous.
1t should silence the latest brand of
limoges for all time on the possibility
of q war between Uncle Sam and the
rT1ixadO