davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08
HUMOR OF THE DAY

HUMOR OF THE DAY
81 Do 6o you think YOU. name viii be hand
tha a"w ansWered Senator SAINT discuss
by the legislature. "--Washingfon Star.
'Er.-,really.' began. Mr. chesty. you
have the advantage of me, sir. My mem
Interrupted e Pepprey. a ut ISN'T your mem
Press iiii@oeipniA
The Agent-"If you have this machine
sir, you won't take anybody's dust" The
for everybody's dust."-Cleveland Leader.
Mrs. Trust Magnate (newly rich)-'T
want one of them octopus-shaped rooms
for the library" Cynical architect-s1So
appropriate, dear madam. ''-Baltifhore
~ What class Of people do you think has
have founded? I'm not ths sure ansv yDH
ed Mr.. Dustin Stax. but 1 kind of sus-
Star. sA' '''eiii'ee'S we shins'on
You know" said Gaddie. the members
How silly!' exclaimed Know. What
comfort can he possibly get out of thai
neighbors to spend their eternity ?'E
Philadelphia Press. 70
Newsboy-"wuxtry Paper, boss!'' Gem
tlenan of leisure-.'None fur me; dey has
too many O. desc h, e Help Wanted adj
she-.What was the noise heard when
dear whether it was the night falling or
the day breaking. ''-Baltimore American.
II sat down in my easy chair last night
and picked UP that novel of De Riter's,
and it was four O'clock when 1 got into
exceedingly tresome ny and ouno !Gs oGHk
It was four o'clock when woke uD in
my chair."-PhIladelphia Press.
at P 3ha yGTT Pll terrier get blue ribbon
place" mo. You see. this was Oi a hair
TeOS bad ne to paS S fT9 little girl and
any trouble. Cleveland Plain Dealer.
And what will you have to follow,
sir?' American indigestion, I
guess"-Punch.
Bum-"Gimme a nickel, missusr' Mis-
sus-.I should think a big strong man
money" Bum--'T am, rnissus. but I amt
got der nerve to take it without askin'."
EGussie .Gidday-'T hear when you asysS,
f sa fe b s0 marry Dry you you she said shd Rs
" Saphead-"Not exactly She said if
she had to have pup at all, she Dwe-
ferred pretty one. "-Philadeiphia Press.
What are they moving the church
for?" well, stranger, I'm mayor of
ment We've got an ordinance what says
no saloon shall be nearer than 800 feet
from church. I gave 'em three days
to move the church. Judge.
IF women got into politics, would they
throw mud p" Maybe. But they wouldn't
hit anything. cleveland Leader.
Politician--'we must stand pat" wife
Yes, but the question is, will Bridget
stand us?'-Harper's Bazaar.
sheMPo you think my voice will ever
Statesman.
listener at musicale)N'sNhat do You think
of his execution" Helm in favor Of
it-'-Punch.
Mrs. Gramercy-.I thought the manu-
faetursr guaranteed your auto free Of re-
that doesn't cover the repairs to what We
run into."-Puck.
she-'I saw you in the street car the
you? Why, didn't see you" she2fI
suppose not. I was standing up."-Som-
ervtlle Journal.
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. your company get-
ting on, old man-prospering" Nassau
"ProsperIng! My boy, the term is made.
In thirty statesr'-Judge.
she-"You'n be glad to learn. dear, that
He sspplendtid! It hung over me
'Oh, asked them here!"-Ldfe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08

Bum-"Gimme a nickel, missusT' Mis-
sus-'I should think a big strong man
like you would be ashamed to ask for
money. Bum-'I am, nissus, but 1 ain {
got der nerve to take it without askip''
-Philadelphia Record. =
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08
CYMp E0R MAS I0R-

Jobs patience is proverbial, but we
shouldn't be a bit surprised if Mrs.
Jobs patience gave out sometimes
Somerville journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08

Il sat down in my easy chair last night
and picked up that novel of De Riter's
and 1T was four o'clock when 1 got into
bed Really? Why, I found the book
exceedingly tiresome, and - Exactly.
1t was four o'clock when woke uD in
my chair. "-PhiladeIphia Press
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08
ON TRIAL.

1t is not the senate but the Repub-
lican party that is on trial in Topeka.
The action of the senate commits the
party. Therefore it is mighty critical
just now from a political standpoint
At this minute any careful man can
see that the party would not have
ghost of a show If the election was to
occur at this time. The party can yet
be saved although the distrust is gen
eral.-Lawrence Journal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08

at the shown Yes" IT should think
you would hang it up in a prominent
place" mo. You see, this was a hair
ribbon he snatched from a little girl, and
we had to pay her father not to mako
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08

Newsboy-''Wuxtry! Paper, boss!'' Gem
tleman of leisure-''None fur me; dey has
too many o. desc h e Help Wanted adj
vertisements. PUCK
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08

Waitress (handfng stodgy-looking steak
= And what will you have to follow
sir?" American ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
guessi'-Punch.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08
MISREPRESENTATION.

President Hartman stated befor,
the Interstate SScomm cree Commission
Monday that his deals in securities O
other railroads are not Speculative
Just cinch. maXbe.-Salina Journal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08

What are they moving the church
for?" well, stranger, I'm mayor of
these dtggins, an I'm fer law enforce
ment. We've got an ordinance what says
no saloon shall be nearer than 800 feet
from a church. I gave 'em three days
to move the church."-Judge.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08
BRYAN.

W. j. Bryan continues to be the
popular Democratic idol in the west.
The mention of Bryan's name always
is a signal for applause, and, strange
as it may seem his is the only name
ever mentioned in connection with the
presidency. What a calamity to the
Democracy If Bryan should flop, or
something Of that sorti-Holton Sig
nal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08

She-"What was the noise heard whel
you came in He-"I really couldn't say
dear, whether 1t was the night falling 3
the day reaking."-Baltimore American
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08

You know" said Gaddie, 1.-THE members
OF his church don't believe in hell at all"
How silly!' exclaimed Know. What
sort of belief? Where does he EXPECT his
neighboTs to spend their eternity ?''-
Philadelphia Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08

fGussie .Gidday-'T hear when you awsk-
fer to have dog for companion" Choi2
" Saphead1"Not exactly. She said IL
ferred pretty one.'-Philadelphia Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08
A REVISED VERSION

Victor Murdoch voted alone on the
mail carrying proposition. Graft and
the world CRAFTS With you; reform and
you vote alone.-Wichita Beacon
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08
A CASE OF PILL

If you see a man pulling your fish
traps out of he7river and you protest
saying they are your traps and he says
he is glad to find it out; it may cost
you SIS. We heard that was what
happened to a man south of here a
few days ago. The fish warden did the
ulling.-Cawker-C City Ledger. '''-+
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08
GOOD FARMING PAYS.

LulHer'- Burbank says That II each
farmer would add just one grain to
each head of his barley, oats and
wheat. he would increase the produc-
ton of barley in this country about
100000 bushels; oats, more than co.
100000 bushels; wheat, more than
100000 bushels. Nothing pays bet
ter than to do a good job while you're
farming.EJeweu Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08
JUST AS WELT. w1rHn1rr

The First district is getting along
first rate without a congressman q We
never realized before how little a con-
gresham affect ed our general welfare
-Holton Recorder.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08

What class of people do you think has
been most benefited by the libraries you
have founded?'' I'm not sure answer
ed Mr. Dustin Stax. But L kind of sus-
Pect IT'S the architects. "-Washington
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08

Politician-'We must stand pat" wife
Yes, but the question is, will Bridget
stand us?"-Harper's Bazaar.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08

'If women got into politics, would they
throw mud? ?" Maybe. But they wou1dnf
hit anything. "-Cleveland Leader.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08

She-''Do you think my voice will ever
be suitable for opera ~ He-"Stage OF
boxes?"-Yonkers Statesman.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08

The Agent-"If you have this machine.
sir, you won't take anybody's dust" The
Magnate-' Then don't want it. I'm out
Tor eVerybody's dust."-Cleveland Leader.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08

Mrs. Trust Magnate (newly rich)-''1
want one of them octopus-shaped rooms
1or the library. Cynical architect-'So
appropriate, dear madam. ''-Baltifhore
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08
KANSAS COMNENT

FAST NAIL GRAFT GONE.
The cheering and somewhat assur-
ing word comes from Washington
that the congress has concluded to
eliminate at least one indefensible
graft frcm the postal appropriation
Dill The fast mali Item goes out and
the fast mail train goes off. Neither
should have ever gone on. There. was
no public demand for the Kansas
City-Newton fast mail. For many
months after its inception it carried
practically 10 mail except that of the
newspapers which put up the job. The
train was operated from its inception
at a loss, as we have been assured by
at least two arrangements of the Santa
Fe.-Wiehita Eagle.
THE NEXT PORULIST UPRISING.
Kansas will never be Strengthened
out thoroughly until there is another
Populist uprising. And when it comes,
the town people will join hands with
the farmers. The politicians are be-
coming too impudent again, for a time,
they feared the people, and paid some
attention to. their needs. But lately
they have had so much success that
they are again insolent and extrava-
giant. When the next Populist upris-
ing takes place, every man who be-
lieves in economy and fairness in pub
lie affairs, should join it. We can
never hope for real reform from the
kansas Republicans and Demo crats.-
AtchiSon Globe. =
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08
Social Boredom.

Mrs. Hetty Green. in an interview
in New York. condemned the excuses
of modern society. And with all
these excesses," she said. with all
these swimming parties and monkey
dinners. and horse teas. what is the
result? A fashionable hostess greeted
a young man at dance:
issSo glad to see you, she. said But
where is your brother? why olon
he come, too?'
He couldn't the young man ex-
planned. only one of US could come.
So we tossed UP for it.
~, a hostess. And you won't
1.-The young man yawned and an
a. no: I lost Los Angles Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08

The Extreme Penalty-She Ito fellow
listener at musicale)-''What do you think
Of his execution Helm in favor OF
it."-Punch.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08

Mrs. Gramercy-.T thought the manu-
facturer guaranteed your auto free Of re-
pairs for one year" Mrs. Park-"But
that doesn't cover the repairs to what we
run into.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08

Er-really." began Mr.. Chesty, you
DRY, perhaps, is at fault. but" NO."
interrupted Pepprey, 'it isn't your menu
Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08

She-"I saw you in the street car the
other evening, Mr.: saxby." He-"Did
you? Why, I didn't see you" She-fI
suppose not. I was standing up."-Som-
crVtlIe Journal,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-08

do you think your name will be hand
ed down in history?'' II can't discuss
too busy keeping it from being passed up
by the legislature. w ashington Star
Chariton courier., 1907-07-19

Bowman of Hale, is visiting Al
Judge E. b. Welch's this week
Will Case was called to thu
bedside of his wife, who is sicl
with fever at her home in .Cliftor
Hill.
Mrs. Elder Brooks went te
Brunswick Saturday to visit hel
mother and sister, returning
Tuesday.
"Bronco busting" is a favor.
ite pastime here, and the wei
weather adds luster to that old.
time sport.
Miss Frona Chapman received
a second grade certificate las,
| week and will teach the Pleyel
school next fall and winter.
Lewis Embree has sold his in .
terest IN the stock of goods to
his partner, Ben Ford, and is now
temporarily free from business
cares.
Our little town was nearly de-
populated Saturday on account
of the carnival at Salisbury,
many not returning until Sunda y
afternoon.
Will Collet played End base for
Salisbury last Sunday in their
game with the Wabash Banners.
The result was 10 to 6 in favor
8 Salisbury.
John Welch shipped a carload
of cattle to St. Louis last Mon.
day night. Mr.. WEIGH went along
with the cattle to renew ac-
quaintances in the city.
"Aunt" Mary Givens of Key
tesville, and probably the oldest
lady in the county, being nearly
100 years old, accompanied by
her grand. daughter, Mrs. A. L.
Welch, is visiting her old neigh.
bors and relatives in this neigh
borhood. "Aunt" Mary gets
around as spry as though she
might not be more than 30.
Chariton courier., 1907-07-19

thresh their big crops of wheat
and oats.
Blackberries have made their
| appearance on the local market.
The quality is fine, but the yield
will not be as large as usual.
The friends of Miss Goldia
Smith gave her surprise party
at her home in North Sumner
last Tuesday evening, that being
her birthday.
The big ball game of the sea.
son is promised for next Sunday
at Sportsman's park in this
place. Sumner and Tina will be
the opposing teams.
The corn in this vicinity has
made a wonderful growth in the
past 10 days. If conditions con.
tinue favorable from now on a
bumper crop will be raised.
Sumner and Prairie Hill
played ball on the diamond here
last Saturday and Sunday. Sum.
ner took the first game by q
score of Is to 5. The visitors
turned the tables on them the
| second day by score of 8 to 3
The Prairie Hill boys are good
ball players and thorough gentle.
men.
Mrs. Jessie Arnold Of Thomas,
Okla, came in the first of the
week for a visit with her parents,
Mr.. and Mrs. H. J. Hammond.
While changing cars at Kansas
City she was robbed Of her
pocket. book and had to pawn
her watch for money to continue
her trip to Sumner. II people
from other localities have suf.
fered from robbers in the depot
at Kansas City anything like the
Sumner people have, the thieves
there are certainly on "Easy
! street,
Chariton courier., 1907-07-19
ROthville Racket.

Lawyer Shire of Hale was in
R othville Monday.
Editor G. P. Vandiver was in
our town Saturday.
Jesse Wade of Norborne is
visiting Jewell Wade this week.
Mrs. T. Gillian and Miss Mag
Smith visited Mrs. J. johnson
Friday.
Ray Stanley and Mode Roy.
nolds were in Brookfeld Mon.
day.
Mrs. j. G.. Cox visited friends
in Maroeline Tuesdsy and We'd
nesday.
Miss May Lambert is visiting
her sister, Mrs. A. D. Brecount,
this week.
DR.. j. H. Vinson, an oculist
from Carrollton, was in our town
Friday and Saturday.
Mr.. and Mrs. Lee Morris
spent the day with Mr.. and Mrs.
F. 8. Dexter Sunday.
Miss Sue Washburn of near
Marceline was visiting here
Saturday and Sunday.
Misses Emma and Vera Stan.
Icy of near Marceline are visit.
ing DEC. D. Stratton and family
this week.
Rev. j. G. Cox, who has been
visiting with his parents in
Virginia for the past three
weeks, returned home Friday
morning.
Rev. T. L. West, who was ex.
pected to preach at the Rothville
Baptist church last Sunday was,
on account of bad weather, I'm.
able to fill the appointment, but
will probably be here next Sun.
day.
l. E. Lambert was in town
Saturday and while attempting
to load a small lounge his team
became frightened and started
to run, but for once telephone
came in real handy as they just
'phoned ahead to the neighbors
and the team was stopped be.
fore any serious damage was
done.
Chariton courier., 1907-07-19
SUMNER SQUIBS.

Mis- Rose Lee has returned
from her visit to Quincy.
The Wabash has put in a
crossing az Third street.
Sumner had a good moving
picture show Friday and Satur.
day nights.
Miss Maude Lewis is visiting
the family of ]. B. Stockton at
Kansas City.
Mrs. j. P. Royal is at the bed.
side of her sister, Mrs. Luke, at
Springfield, Ill.
Miss Bertha Mueller of Fay.
cite is visiting her sister, Mrs.
Chas. Mccormick, east of town.
Farmers in this locality are
waiting for favorable weather to
Chariton courier., 1907-07-19
WESTVILLE WAITS.

The hay crop is unusually
good this year.
Earl Hedrick is entertaining
Thos. Mckee of Macon this
week.
Farmers in this locality are
about through harvesting oats
and wheat.
Westville union unaay.
school has for superintendent
Mrs. Sam Knott.
Miss Alpha Green of Salisbury
is visiting friends and relatives
in this community.
Mis-. Isaiah Knott and ehil.
dren OF Keytesville are visiting
relatives in this vicinity.
Dame Rumor has it that one
OF the prominent young ladies
of our cicle is soon to wed.
Mrs. John Bell, who recently
had the misfortune to fall and
break her arm, is makisg safe
recovery.
The young people of White
Oak vicinity have enjoyed q
number of socials given at the
different homes in the neighbor-
hood lately.
Chariton courier., 1907-07-19

method of "fist and skull" fight.
ing is again becoming popular,
and while we do not wish to en-.
courage it by saying that it is
much more manly than using
weapons, yet all know it to be q
fact.
City Marshal Daneron and
Jesse Richardson returned Tues.
dap from Harrisonville, Mo-,
where they went in answer to q
request to identify some sup.
posed burglars, but they failed
in their purpose. The goods
found did not belong to Dr..
]. D. Brummsll & Bros drug
store nor did the men fill the de.
scription of the suspects.
Chariton courier., 1907-07-19
PEE DEE PRATTLE.

"Uncle" John Brooks is Wis.
itlng his son, George, near Key
tesville, this week.
Rev. Jack Rucker had an ap-
pointment here last Sunday
night, but was rained out.
Curtis Chrane has just re-
turned from the wild west ac.
companied by his mother.
DR.. J. R. Gaines is building a
new Office in his yard 80 as to be
convenient to his residence.
Mrs. I. H. McKitterick, nee
Chariton courier., 1907-07-19
Byaum Vile BldJef.
News is scarce this week.

News is scarce this week.
Soc Yocum left Monday for
few days. visit in the Sunflower
safe.
Allen Wilson and wife are the
proud parents of little girl, born
July IL.
George Hammons and wife
spent Sunday with Joe Krager
. 4 family.
Rev. Green Of Lagonda filed
his regular appointment at MI
Zion Sunday.
C. w. Hurt delivered a load
of hogs to A. A. Cloyd of Sal.
isbury Saturday.
Miss Stella Girvin of Hamden
spent Monday with her uncle
and aunt, Rev. James Hise and
wife. She was on her way to
Marceline and will visit there q
few days and from there will
leave for Manzanola, Colo., for
the benefit of her health.
Chariton courier., 1907-07-19
BRUNSWICK BREVITIES.

Grand river looks as if i,
were going out of its banks.
Henry West Of Keytesville at.
tended to legalbusiness in Bruins.
wick Friday.
Mrs. Elma Lintz of Dallas,
Texas, is the guest of her uncle,
VIM. Rosensiten.
Brunswick had another heavy
rain fall Sunday night-the total
being 40 inches.
Quite a number of Brunswick
people attended the baseball
game at Keytesvil!e last Friday.
Mrs. A. M. Moore and son,
Gerald, of Brighton, Colo, are
visiting Mr.. and Mrs. Jacob
Merchant.
We are glad to see Master
Harry Mann on our streets again.
Altho' much disabled, Harry is
still in the ring.
Bob. Murray returned to st.
Louis Saturday after a pleasant
visit wilh his parents, Mr.. and
Mrs. Ed Murray.
Mrs. Fred Collins and son,
Rowland, of Omaha, Neb., are
spending the week with Mrs.
Collins sister, Mrs. Ludwig
Kinkhorst.
Chariton courier., 1907-07-19
Whitman WhiffS.

Frank Abolt is entertaining
his mother from Hooperton,
Ill.
Emmett Bates and father of
Brunswick are lathing the new
hotel.
Miss Grace Bledsoe of Old
Mendon spent Monday at s..
Donley's.
W. D. Rankin of Onarga, ILL.,,
came in Saturday evening for a
few days. visit.
VIM. Timmons, Jr., was up
from Forest Green to cut his
wheat last week.
Plans and specifications for
the new bank are in the hands
of the contractors now.
D. R. Dowell of Onarga. ILL.,,
brought in his threshing ma.
chine the first OF last week.
Mrs. Mart Merchant and Miss
Nellie Crsndall of Prairie Mound
are guests at o. L. McDow ellis
this week.
E H. Whitha m and son, Glen,
and daughter, Miss Gladys.
drove to Keytesville Friday by
way of Brunswick and Dalton.
Mr.. and Mrs. Joe Ingram
drove down from Mendon Tues.
day evening and Mr.. Ingram
boarded the north. bound train.
Arch McGilvary was in Men.
don Monday morning to meet
some Chicago friends who were
coming on the 5 O'Clock train.
E. H. Whitman and daughter,
Miss Gladys, of Rankin, ILL.,,
arrived the first of last week for
a 10.days' visit with his soa,
Glen.
James Hartman, who has
been visiting his son, F. O.
Hartman,an family for the past
two weeks, returned to his home
at Truro, Ia, Sunday.
Geo. Handlon of Edwardsville,
ILL.,, was here the first of the
week to make some arrange.
ments for stopping the overflow
from Yellow creek on the farm
occupied by Abe Adams.
Dan Foley's cultivator looks
like it had been struck by
Wabash engine or else he had
been working Glen Whitham's
Italian mule which has not
learned "whoa" in English yet.