The Washington herald., 1907-04-21

7 wish sighed Kitty. finging down the
afternoon paper and settling hack com
fortably in willow chair at the corner
OF the niazza, that people wouldn't ali
their divorces in the afternoon papers. II
makes one feel so 'shuddery' about mar
rage. Just look at this" and she pointed
to a blazing account cf the Trumpet
versus Trumpet affair spread out over two
columns, in all its narrowing details,
under pink ink heading.
'Don't" 1 pleaded, closing my eyes vir-
tuously aud waving the sheet away.
why bother about it, when you Won't
even consider marrying
Marrying Kitty squinted at me
scornfully under the brim Of her garden
hat. zone doesn't consider growing one S
teeth, does one?' she retorted. IT'S hav-
ing them out that worries US and brings
on nervous prostTation."
Not nowadays" declared, calmly
lighting a cigarette. 'in the face of all the
painless methods and"
What"
Painless dentistry" I explained, and
painless surgery, and-painless divorce.
We can have our divorces out as easily
and comfortably now as we do our teeth"
Mr.. Curtis!" Kitty glared at me with
Mortified eyes. Divorce is horribler'
"Of course" I agreed. tanning myself
with my hat so is having a tooth eX-
tracted: but if you've got to do it. it's
just as well 10 take an anesthetic, isn't
it?"
Kitty drew a long breath Of shocked dis
approval and looked at me In speechIess
reproach.
"A little cocaine, I continued unrufled.
applied to the tooth. a little common
sense applied 10 the"
Sh" cried Kitty. IF mama should
hear such-such ideas"
I glanced around apprehensiyely.
They're thoroughly Up TO date" / de-
clared defantly. "Old-fashioned divorce
was like oId-fashioned medicine, allopathic
and bitter; nowadays it can be taken in
q sugar-cOated pill. One can cut off a wife
or a husband as one cuts of finger or a
moe. without feeling the operation. The
modern wife does not rush home to
mother, leaving "a tran of repT0ach and
gossip behind her and the house in a state
of chaos. People who have come to the
conclusion that q matrimonial surgical
operation is necessary sit down together
and calmly discuss the easiest method.
They decide on the proper lawyers and
divide the furniture and the money and
the bric-a-brac and"
"The children." cried Kitty, scornfully.
nodded approval
zone takes the dog" continued.
And the other the cat" broke in Kitty.
one holds out for the country
house 1 began.
And the other for the Newport villa, %
sneered Kitty.
And they come TO an agreement" I
went on. Ticking my cigarette, "as TO
where the boys shall be sent to
school"
And as TO whether or not the girls
shall be given a Buster Brown hair cut
and what spring tonic they shall take"
Exactly" 1 agreed And then the
wife packs the husbands trunks nicely.
taking care TO put in his toothbrush and
his shaving soap, and to remind him to
have his trousers pressed and TO keep on
his heavy flannels until May
And the husband" cried Kitty
'thoughtfully hangs the parlor curtains.
and puts up the summer portieres. and
tacks down the mating. and orders the
roses set out before leaving. so that he
viii leave the lady perfectly comforta-
BILE"
And then" I finished waving my
cigarette. they merely remark that it is
a beautiful day, wish each other all sorts
of luck and happiness, register a parting
handshake and a few last instructions,
and quietly trip of 10 Europe or the
country until the worst is over.
And they are not in the least sur
prised' appended Kitty. when they re-
turn, after six months or a year, 10 find
themselves sitting opposite one another at
fashionable dinner party"
And pleasantly discussing art or ma
ture, or the weather, or eyen-the past"
/ declared.
tight" Kitty shuddered. "To think
that anything so sacred as love and mar
rage"
'Of course, it's sacred" I broke in. J
opening my eyes at her in Injured aston I
ishmenL But simply because you have
promised TO love, honor, and cherish one I
another is no reason you should tear out 4
one another 3 eyes the moment you wake
up and discover that YOU have made a /
mistake. Merely because you have once /
thought a person the dearest and finest /
and sweetest IN the world is no reason /
you should revile him and hate him. is I
it?"
But protested Kitty, shaking her
head so violently that the roses on her /
hat quivered with reproach, If you can't |
live with a man"
That's no reason he isn't decent or
r.
ems Of delightful fellows that YOU would
not dream Of marrying or spending your
life withe"
"Y-e-e-s,' acquiesced Kitty doubtfully. +
glauciug at me with what I considered a Il
rather too personal significance: but"
And don't / know scores of pretty
girls whom I would take In 10 dinner
with joy and alacrity. but whom I would !
not dream Of ensconcing al the head Of
my own dinner table? Even the Trum-
pets may be rather nice sort of people.
/ added. Just because Trumpet has got \
ten on Mrs TrumDet's nerves is no sign
he's deep-dyed villain; and the mere
fact that Mrs. Trumpet has ceased to be
endurabie IN his eyes doesn't brand her
as a shrew or a pariah Just think of
the attractive and worthy things in the
world thar we wouldn't personally want
around the house-the hundreds Of in d
struCtive books that We wouldn't spend I,
our money for"
"Aad the beautiful hats that we could
not wearr' sighed Kitty, thoughtfully.
And the fine paintings we don't want D
and the faithful watch dogs we wouldn't
keep" 7 added but that doesn't sgni-
~ anything against them. Two people
who aren't happy together are simply
-out OF place: that is an Instead Of