Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1907-08-08
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First Commuter--What do you d
with yourself evenings? Second Con
muter-I take the :03 train from til
city.-Puck.
"How was the comic opera" IN
wife thought the costumes were dis
gushing" 81 guess I'll o."-Louisvill
Courier-J Journal.
Cook-Now we've 'ad words, you'll
be lookin' for another cook to keel
company with? Policeman-Not me
I'll starve first Punch.
Hadsum-I want a good revolver
/ Dealer-A six-shooter? Hadsum-Bet
ter make it a nine-shooter It's for {
cat next door.-Ally Sloper.
Newed-Don't you believe that mar
riage broadens man? Oldwed-Well
l don't know about that; but it usu
ally makes him shorter.-Clevelant
Plain Dealer.
Now that your sons In college,
suppose he'll be getting very exclusive
he'll be getting into the 400" "Oh, he's
more exclusive than that already; he's
on the nine. e."-Phladelphia Press
''Do you regard baseball as a health
full game| well" answered the ply
sician, Il should say it ought to do a
great deal toward strengthening peo-
ple's lungs. Washington Star.
Comparative Stranger-Whats all
the excitement about? Summer Board
er-Nothing; just lynching. The man
who wrote the folders about this place
Is coming down on the train.-Puck.
Yeast-Our boarding house lady has
been taking cooking lessons, and she
says next week she is going to try her
hand in her own kitchen. Crimsonbeak
is that threat or promise ?-Yon-
kers Statesman.
First Boy-Did you really win three
prizes at school? Second Ditto-Yes,
and one was for my excellence of men,
ory. How did you win the others?"
''The others? forget what they were
for. BLACK and White.
Father-Well, how does your husband
succeed with his art? Does he sell any
pictures? Daughter-I should think so!
Why, there Is not single one left Of
those you gave us for a wedding pres
Batter.
10 rf oil,
for those poor shop girls: they're so
overworked, you know. Mr.. Goodart-
Well. my dear, the best way to help
them Is to keep away from bargain
Standard and Times.
Miss Elderleigh-Jane Jones is a
mean. spiteful old cat Miss Younger
What's the matter? Miss Elderleigh-
told her that my family came over in
he Maytlower and she asked me If l
vas seasck.-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Mr.. McDooley-Faith, an it do be a
question OF have fer yez, me darlin'.
Miss Clancey-Pfwat is IL, Pat? Mr.. |
dcDooley-Whin 1t comes tonne for |
he funeral, how would yez like t be
h Widder McDooley ?-Chicago Daily !
Jews.
Wise-He's very wealthy. Mrs. Wise
Yes and very stingy and mean Wise
Come now, you're not sure of that
'ou mustn't judge man by his
lothes. Mrs. Wise-I don't. I'm judg-
ng him by his wife's clotheS-Phila-
elphia Press.
"Our engagement will have to be
suspended" announced the
lmmer girl, calmly. "Oh, impossible"
le young man vowed. at will have to
e. My husband writes that he is COM
X down for week. louisville
ourier-J Journal.
my good man." said the lady mis-
onary, do you ever pause to think {
here you are going?" Sure ting"
piled the unlaundered hobo. "Ef
dn't might get on de wrong freight
l. land back at me startin' place -
hicago Daily News.
do you think the time will come
hen there will be no money In poll
,s?" said one boss. 81 don't know"
lswered the other "It won't be our
ult if 1t doesn't. We have done the =,
st we could to take out all there was
it."-Washington Star.
Russian Oflcial-You can not stay
this country, sir. Traveler-Then.
course, will leave it. Have you a "
rmit to leave?" No, sir" "Then | /.
lst tell you that you can not go. |
-e you twentyfour hours to make up
ur mind as to what you will do
ttler. h
Train holdups," said the old trav- /
r, "are nothing new for me. I've -
IN in lots of them" "How does 1t 4
m to be covered with a revolver?"
led the listener. Cant say" replied
old traveller. 1--WE always been
d up with n whisk broom. Mil
ukee Sentinel.
Tigley-We were talking about sub :
IAN cottages, and Subbubs remarked 1
t the only thing they ever dreamed
out his way in Boghurst was Queen l
ne. Citizen-The idea Is that the l
Y he pronounces 1t now? Jigley- I
'nounces what? Citiman-Ouinine. i
Press. 1
Can you give bond?" asked the /