The united opinion. [volume] (Bradford, Vt.) 1881-1970, 1907-02-08
NAMES OF NEW Workers..
Having Fun With the Directory of the
Bio City.

Big City.
You have all heard and most of you
have told the story of the man who
didn't care to read the dictionary be-
cause the subject changed so often.
This is, of course, a funny way of say
ing that the dictionary is a dry book
However one might perhaps extract
amusement even from a dictionary if
he knew how. Certainly he can get
entertainment from city directory.
Take, for instance, our own new city
directory. That it has more names
than its immediate predecessor and
that this indicates that New York has
grown just as much in population in
just such time-these things go with
out saying.
But what reference is made in the
which has ruled the world for no one
knows how many years? Go through
the book, dear reader, and you will
find that it contains forty-seyen Loves,
one Heart and one Lover. There are
twenty Spoeners, two Huggers, sixty
llhSOt DCuloy nNS ClLS1
three Sparks, six Kisses, three Smacks
and ten Hugs.
A study of the directory shows, too,
that, despite it's boosted democracy,
New York is endowed with five and a
half columns of Kings, twelve Queens,
one column Of Princes, twentyfour
Dukes, thirty eight Earls and eighty
two Lords. There are sixteen Castles
for all this royalty to dwell in.
The spiritual welfare of the city
ought to be we'll looked after also, for
we find listed sixty-three Popes, four
Cardinals, 1872 Abbots, nine Abbeys,
eleven Priests, twenty Parishes, two
Chapels, thirty-eight Elders, a column
and three-quarters of Parsons, two col
umns Of Deans, twelve Deacons, a col
umn of Churches, forty-eight Sections,
twenty-eight Christians and eight BIZ
bles.
1t speaks pretty we'll for New York s
sobriety and general good character
that Notwithstanding the vast number
Of people whose names are in the di
rectory there are only two Lushers,
one Bum, fourteen Bunns, thirteen
Bats, four Lushes fifteen Stills, one
Branigen, three Lodes and one Booz.
In the matter of smoking great tenn
pearance is shown, too, for there are
listed but one Smoker, one Pipe and
one Smoke.
Father Knickerbocker' barber shop
Is well filled. 1t has sixty-seVen Bar
bers and five Shavers-quite bunch
to look after only thirty Boards and
one HAIRCUT it has one Pole out and
is ready to do more business.
There are four and One-half columns
Of Bakers, fourteen Rolls, one Cake.
bread and one Pies, and he is a Har
lem baker, by the way.
That New York Is still a young town
is shown by the fact that there are
seven columns of Youngs and only six
Odds The comparison of seven Fats
as against one Skinner doesn't consti'
tute a bad showing either.
Considering the greatness and good
ness of the big burg, it is hard to see
why the directory should hand it TWEEN
ty-one Lemons. The fact that we have
also fifteen Apples, eighteen Citrons
five Oranges, five Peaches, one Grape
three Plums and one Pear doesn't
make entire amends, but New York
isn't going to cry about It. 1t is toe
light hearted, for, as the directory
shows, it has eighteen Joys and seven
Happes to only one Tear.
The first name in the directory is
Jacques Aa, and the last name is Louis
Zyss. There are twelve names that
begin with Y, nine columns of Joneses
thirty-fve columns of Smiths, two col
umns of John Smiths and nineteen col
umns of Browns.-New York World.