The independent., 1907-03-07

TN cDOK1n If large Tam ly WHln neT
frind who'd had her pitcher in the
contest fr tn most beautiful woman
in Brighton Park was settin' behind
tn blinds waitin' f'r some wan to take
her buggy ridin
$50 il is with US. A man with a face
that looks as if some wan had thrown
it at him in anger nearly always mar
ries befure he Is old enough to vote. He
feels he has to an he cultivates what
Hogan calls tn graces. How often do
ye hear about a fellow that he is very
plain but has beautiful nature. Ye
bet he has. If he hadn't an didn't al
ways keep it in tn show case where
all tn wurruld cud see he'd be lynched
be tn Society f'r Municipal Improve
ment But 'tis diff'rent with us comely
bachelors. Bein' very beautiful, we can
afford to be naughty an peevish. 1t
makes US more inthrestin'. We kind
iv look thin over with gentle but
supeeryor eye an say to Ourselves:
Now, there's a nice, pretty attractive
girl. I hope she'll marry Well An
whin she marries wan iv our frinds we
say: Amt it too bad that such a fine
girl shud throw herself away on a
practical joke iv Nature like that BY
an by Whin tn roses fade firm our
cheeks an our eye is dimmed with age
we bow to tn inivitable, run down tn
flag iv defiance, an ar-re yanked into
tn multichood iv happy an speechless
marrid men that look like fashlight
pitchers TIL best lookin' iv us niver
get -marrid at all.
"Yes, Sir there's no doubt we do a
good deal to beautify tn landscape.
Whose pitchers ar-re those ye see
in tn advertisements iv tn tailorman?
There's not a marrid man among thin.
They're all bachelors. What does tn
gents furnishing man hang his finest
necties in TIL front window fr but to
glsten with a livelier WISH as Hogan
says, tn FURNISHED bachelor? See tn
lurdly bachelor comm down tn sthreet
with his shiny plug hat an his white
vest. tn dimon stud that he wint in
debt fr glistenin' in his shirt front,
an tn patent leather shoes on his
feet outshinn' tn MONDAY sun.
Thin see tn marrid man with th'
wrinkles in his coat an his tie undher
his ear an his chin unshaven. He's
walkin' in his Congress CATERS in a
wav that shows his socks ar-re most
ly darned / niyer wore pair iv
darned socks since was a boy. Whin
| make holes in me hosiery | throw
thin away IT'S fine idee Nv tn
ladies that men are unhappy because
they have no wan TO darn their socks
an put buttons on their shirts. Tn
truth Ia that "a man IS not unhappy
because his socks ar-re not darned
but because they ar-re. An as TT
buttons on his shirt, whin tn buttons
comes off bachelors shirt he FIRES
IL out ~ tn window. His rule about
clothes IL thurly scientific. TIL SUR
vival IL tn ~, dye mind. TIL others
to IN discard No marrid man daros
To wear tn pinmage iv a bachelor, II
he did his wife wud SUSPECT him. lie
lets her buy his crayats an his cigars
an it's little difference IL makes TO him
which he smokes.
.''Twud be yillanous to tax tn
bachelors. Think Nv tn moral side II
ii. What's thatg We needn't grin.
xAla moral. Yes. sir We're tn moa
unaelnsh people la tn wurruid. Al
IN throublea Is tn nclwhborhood ar-r'
my throuhles an my throuhbles sr-rs
mo own. " yc shed a tear ~ ann,
neraon but wan So lnsa ye'er latch
kav. but havin' no wan In partiklal
Ia Nympathlxe with I'm supposed q
avmpashlxe with Nry wan. On IN
rnnthrv II Ye have amy Erief~ "
cant hear ve dump thtm on th' over
burdenrd shoulders " ye'er wife, hu