Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-06-29
JOHN SMITHS
YEAR

to the effect that this would be great
year for John Smith," said the travel
ing man who was fixing up the cards
in a game in the smoker. 1T didn't
appeal to me.
las most of you know, that's my
name | am not ashamed of it, but
don't mind saying that 1 would like
to trade it off until that jamestown
affair is over.
IF we could have a set of expert
humorists to get up the jokes condl-
tions might be more tolerable; but for
everybody you meet to take shy at
the family patronymic is tiresome.
my house thought it would be
good card to have me on the ground
the day the show opened at Norfolk.
l arrived the night before and put up
at a convenient hotel. When | wrote
my name on the register the torture
began.
You're the first on the ground!'
exclaimed the clerk, who was evident
ly a raw one. / confess, however, that
| didn't take his meaning off the bat.
"'Of course you want the best in
the house. continued the mushroom,
hammered it in. The Smith family
has the right of way here he con-
tinued, and specially John
Ordinarily I'm pretty quick on the
trigger, but the wretch kept ahead OF
me. Before l could unlimber he
handed out another.
Wen give you the Pocohontas
chamber, John-pardon-Mr. Smith.
'FRONT.'
Before the bellhop made the plate
| was at the bat. | won't delay the
game, gentlemen, by quoting my own
words, but when l was through the
excresence behind the counter was
sneaking away as if he had squatted
on the hot end Of an evicted hornet.
In spite of apologies by the landlord |
walked out of that tavern and put up
at a boarding house where they don't
keep books.
THE next day dropped in at the
telegraph Office and asked if there was
anything for John Smith. The man
looked at me as fellow looks at hat
on the sidewalk on April /. Quicker
than you get your cards | showed him
my watch containing my picture and
name, and then threw down bundle
of old letters to clinch the Identified
ton.
"I am John Smith, said, with the
words underscored, and | don't want
any funny business|
''The man at the window handed out
four wires to my address and said in
a quiet way that was rather soothing:
81 reckon you are John Smith all
right, but don't go round here with
the idee that you're the only one. The
twelfth went out jest ahead of you
Il thought it was time for me to do
the funny stunt Seeing that l had
anticipated trouble, said
=" Then I'm No. 49,
CAS- | was going opt heard the man
at the window say, You're liable to be
% before you're much older
'I'll owe that fellow one until
meet him again. am not the only
one of the name that is lodging It,
either.
''The last night / was in the town
I went to the office of hotel 1t was
crowded While l was sitting and
smoking an Office boy with a telegram
pushed his way through the jam, call
ing out, Smith, John Smith! Smith,
John Smith,
Nobody responded. The boy took
the telegram back to the clerk, who
looked over at the line of occupied
chairs along the wall, and called out:
Whats the matter with you Smiths
over there? / know at least a half
dozen of you are Of that name, and
here's a telegram for one Of you.
What are you afraid Off
Not a man in the line moved.
Later on in the evening after the mob
had scattered / sneaked up to the
clerk and asked him if anybody had
claimed the message.
Yes he snorted. The message
has been read by six different Smiths.
Maybe you're the right one. / hope
so'
Il took it. 1t was for me- ! apollo
gized for my part of the trouble. /
said in a meek sort Of way that |
wasn't to blame for my name.
Course not snapped the tired
clerk, but if you Smiths would only
get together and mark yourselves in
some way it would save whole lot
Of trouble in This bOto1
81 left that town the next morning,
and l shall be travelling away from it
as long as the exposition lasts. And
I've burnt up all my cards"
No Desire to Experiment.