davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14

akers challenge to joint canvass OF
Ohio and then formally announced the
acceptance Of the challenge. Thus the
only alternatives now offered TO the Sec
retary are to get into the thickest of the
ARRAY at home. or to announce definitely
that he Is not candidate for the nomi-
nation.
Those who know Secretary Taft
naturally incline 10 the opinion that one
of the reasons why he hesitates to follow
the first Of these courses Is his belief
that the spectacle Of a member Of the
Cabinet engaged in a scramble for pub
lie Office. however high. would be the re-
verse of satisfactory TO the American
public. 1t is a trihe odd. all things con-
sidered, that President Roosevelt did not
give some attention to this phase OF the
conflict in the Buckeye State. He must
appreciate the unseemliness Of such an
exhibition as we have referred 10. and he
must realize that Mr.. Taft would be en-
tirely free to take an active part in the
Ohio battle only In the event Of his resig-
nation from the Cabinet
While. as We have said, there IS little
doubt that the people viii uphold the
scheme to send Mr. Taft on a stumping
tour through his native State. we believe
that before the matter IS carried much
further a practically unanimous desire for
further light on the point We have mem
toned will manifest itself.
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14
A Great Administrator

Lord Cremer for tWenty-f0UF years the
ruler Of Egypt. who has retired on ac-
count of III health, is one Of the worlds
great administrators, splendid exemplar
of the long line of proconsuls sent out
by the mother country to govern the far
flung possessions of the British empire.
velvet as long as he can. steel as soon
as he must-that is Lord Cromer." wrote
the British journalist Stevens Of Egypts
master: "he has had the hardest row TO
hoe of any British representative abroad
in our generation, and out Of it he has
raised the best crop" He leaves Egypt
prosperous and weil-ordered. the face Of
the country covered with massive engi-
neering works to conserve the Ufe-giving
waters of the Nile. the feIlaheen free OF
usury. the immense agricultural possi-
bilities of the land developed into ex-
traordinary prOducuveness.
He it was who settled the Egyptian
question, so long the bette noir of British
ministries. The question was" says
Stevens, in his piquant way. When is
England going to quit Egypt2 The right
answer was. Never. The provisional an
swer given from time to time has been.
When, first, it is quite certain that re
other power will enter Egypt: and second.
Egypt is capable of setting up a tolerable
government for itself. In the course of
the last fifteen years the latter answer
10 the question has gradually approx
mated to the former When has come
gradually nearer and nearer to Never. 80
Twice the British government attempted
to initiate a policy of withdrawal, and
twice the ministerial purpose was thwart-
ed by foreign influences; but Lord Cromer
never varied his purpose or his policy.
He meant to stay in Egypt and to main
tain the British occupation.
Lord Cromer's career interests US be {
cause his achievements and his practical
annexation OF Egypt 10 British dominions
have been frequently cited as furnishing
instructive lessons, and, perhaps. signii- /
cant analogies applicable to our own
colonial adventures. The Philippine agrf-
cultural bank lately authorized by Con-
gress was modelled after Lord Cromer's
Egyptian bank. and his methods of pro- /
noting native agriculture have been /
closely studied by our governmental ex- /
perts. our course in Cuba comes so near
to that of England in Egypt as to sug-
gest to many whether the Cuban question 4
viii ever be settled in any other than /
Lord Cromer's way. The answer we now
give to the question, When shall we quit
Cuba? Is euriOusly like that rendered by
English statesmen to the like inquiry re-
specting British occupation Of Egypt. But
we do not send to Cuba Cromers fuI of
to extend American dominion.
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14
Cant. Edward ~.

His most Catholic majesty Alfonso
XIII, king of Spain, has created his most
gracious majesty Edward VII, of Great
Britain, Ireland, &C. king. defender Of
the faith. and so on, a captain in the
Spanish army. This is regarded In Europe
as quite an important matter. and very
pointedly marks the existing entente cor
dale between these brother monarchs.
We fear that Edward is already several
captains, If not quite a number OF col
onels as we'll Indeed, he probably has
different string OF titles for every day ia
the week. not to mention a particularly
Illuminating array for Sunday wear.
However, he has never been q Spanish
captain in ali of his life before. and he
will doubtless be able TO stagger along to
his grave in his usual fine fettle despite
added weights OF this kind that loving
and admlring fellow-sovereigns may
thrust upon him.
Happily for his Britannia majesty ana
thrice fortunate for his Spanish majesty
ia this crisis, 1t is not the custom for
kings holding commissions in foreign
armies 70 take active command Of sec
tons to which they may have been as
signed. Edward viii be expected to shine
as Spanish captain, but not to command
any Spanish soldiers. He is 10 realize
that he is TO be spIendidly ornamental,
but must steadfastly refrain from asking
any embarrassing questions concerning
his troops.
We have no doubt that 80 tactful
monarch as Edward VII will make haste
to reply in kind TO his brother who abides
in the land OF the olive trees and dark
eyed senoritas! Alfonso ought to be re-
paid tn as nearly the same coin, SO TO
speak, as the captain. may be able TO
discover among his large and varied as
sOrtments. Without assuming To be Off
cious or forward in a matter not directly
concerning us. we suggest. nevertheless.
to King Edward the prOpuety of retaliat-
ing by appointing Alfonso an admiral In
the British feet assigned to the Great
Lakes that lie along the south Canadian
frontier.
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14
INSPIRED BY THE HERALD.

Austin Statesman; The Washington
Herald calls the turn when it SAYS Wall
street ought TO go out Of the scarecrow
business.
Birmingham News: According to The
Washington Herald, the Ananias Clubs
motto is; BE sure you're wrong; then
go ahead.
Birmingham Age-Herald: The Wash
ington Herald says there is poet in
New Hampshire named Morgan kfottle
Nudge. When he rushes into poetry 1t is
a -three-m dash.
Cleveland Leader: VIII The washing
ton Herald and the Houston Post please
quit lighting about tho price of strawber-
ries? It's irritating reading up here
among the snOwdrifts.
Milwaukee Sentinel: The Washington
Herald warns Mr.. Roosevelt against
alternating the entire liar vote of the
country" Well. isn't he doing the best
he can TO round it up and brand Il?
Houston Post: The Washington Herald
is in error The Houston Post does not
allude 10 strawberry shortcake as long
cake We merely assert that grand old
Texas IS long on strawberry shQrtcake.
Norfolk Landmark: " The red bride is
fashions latest creation, says an au-
thority. Certainly one would regret to see
a blue bird. Washington Herald. How
ever. the green bride is the most in evil
dence.
Laredo CTexas) Enterprise: The Wash
ington Herald says that Gen. Booth, of
the Salvation Army, Is firm in his deter
not to look any gift money in
the taint Now is the opportunity for
holders of the tainted lucre to turn loose
Newport News Times-Heraid: THE rail-
road presidents should cheer up! Only
a short time now. and everybody will be
abusing the umpiFes. es."-Washington Her
aid. True, but this year the umpires will
be backed by the President
Charleston News and Courier: Says The !
Herald. Mr.. Tmman has
1ubliely denounced Mr.. Roosevelt for the
violence OF his language. With all due
difference. this really has every appear /
ance Of Satan rebuking sin" Make the ]
saying read the other way-Sin rebuking /
Satan-and We will concur.
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14
MIR. Taft and the Ohio campaien.

There appears TO be ample warrant for
the opinion that President Roosevelt's 8
desire to have William Howard Taft par
tieipate actively in the Ohio campaign.
if the Secretary is TO continue in the role
of an aspirant for the Republican 'nomi-
nation, viii be applauded the country
over, regardless OF political affiliations.
All the world loves fighter. So far Mr.
Taft, apparently, has been willing to
leave the conduct of his campaign to his
relatives and friends. His opponent in
Ohio, on the other hand, is as fond Of
strife as the President himself. This
naturally accentuates the contrast be-
tween the two Buckeye candidates: and
although Senator Foraker was notably
dispassionate and temperate in his open
ing speech at Canton, there can be no
doubt of his inclination. TO say nothing
of his ability. 10 shape his future course
in such way as to define the tempera-
mental differences between him ana his
adversary all the more sharply.
The situation being just as il is. the
Presidents plans for his Secretary Of
War doubtless viii be generally approved
With excellent reason. we think. the
puDic Wlsnes 10 hear from AIF. Taft per
sonaily and to see him In action. il is
not satisfied with the arrangement which
makes Editor Charles P Taft the most
prominent exponent. in Ohio. of the Taft
propaganda. It does not take kindly 70
q contest in which one of the principals
remains in the background
We are quite ready to believe that Sec
retary Taft is not anxious to go on the
stump in Ohio. But we are unable to dis
cover any other course open 10 him if he
expects TO be considered as a Presidential
lJ0-1t.etlity, III his statement. some weeks
ago. he practically placed himself IN the
hands Of hts friends, and since that time
those friends, ana particularly his broth /
or, have been unusually busy On behalf /
Of the Secretary, and presumably with |
his consent, Charles P. Taft first made
statements which elected Senator For
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14
SUNDAY. APRIL "a. 1907.
The Real Demeutia Americana

What is the nature of the political OBJ
session now sweeping the country and
eliminating in the refusal Of a Southern
editor 10 SIT at d Democratic love feast
unless he were permitted to propose the
nomination by William J. Bryan Of Theo-
dore Roosevelt as the candidate of the
Democratic party?
We are in the midst Of a political OBJ
fuscation without exact parallel in our
history. Civic principles are confused and
uncertain, party lines loosely drawn. life
time convictions forgotten, platforms
pitched into a heap of old lumber.
jumbled together and indistingulshabiy
mixed: the venerable Constitution itself
seen through a haze The old order
ehangeth; it is a period of transition
Small wonder, then, that while some men
see through a glass darkIy, others view
the shifting political panorama upside
down. while still more give way to fool
ish imaginings.
It is a fit time fer the spread of disor-
ders of the mind political. The fixed
idea, as the psychologists say. grows and
abounds that there is but one man meet.
suitable, and destined for the Presidential
office That is the real dementia Ameri-
cana af1ictlng our fair land.
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14
Reducing speed of trains.

From the PittsbuTg Post
Some of the Western railroads are said
TO have decided upon reducing the speed
of passenger trains because Of recent leg
islation- Such action while it may be in
tended as retaliation upon the travelling
public. ought TO result in promoting their
safety. The fastest trains might well be
slowed down some without harm If it is
proposed. however, to run the trains in
SUCH way as 10 embarrass the people
generally, the railroads will soon discover
that they have made a costly mistake.
which they will In due time be glad to
remedy. This is no time for the exhibition
of mere spite upon the part of the rail
roads, for such an exhibition is certain to
only add to the popular sentiment against
their abuses.
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
NO NATTER.

Another fellow writes the jest
We might have writ.
II is much better than our best
And makes a hit
But We our feeble chunks OF fun
Contrive TO sell.
And so when all is said and done.
It's just as well.
Another fellow gets the maid
We might have had.
Secures her heart IN one fell raid
And makes Us sad
But now TO her his last lone red
He out must she'll
And so when all is done and said,
It's just as wen.
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14
In Ncr Ynrk

From the Philadelphia Public Ledger.
Madly the throng pressed about the
woman,
Policemen guarding her could hardly
protect her from the crush
What's the natter" a stranger ven
tured TO ask
"Aw, you're green" responded a native
In the patois of Manhattan. 'dats loidy
wot once knowed de sister Of the valet Of
de guy dats on trial fer murder"
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14
Cleaning Time.


Fathers camping ont at night.
Mothers cleaning house,
All the children are a sight,
Mothers cleaning house.
Dust is flying in the air.
Soap and waters everywhere,
In the parloT, on the stair
Mothers cleaning house.
Pandemonium reigns supreme,
Mothers cleaning house,
Home is comfOrtless. 'twould seem,
Mothers cleaning house.
Gee. Wen all be mighty glad
When it's over. Poor old dad
Has the tantrums pretty bad
Mothers cleaning house.
Haven't had a meal this week,
Mothers cleaning house,
That we didn't have to seek,
Mothers ceaning house.
In some noisy, cheap cafe,
Sweeping, sweeping night and Gay.
Lies a nightmare lived this way
Mothers cleaning house.
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14
Prospeets ana Cinehes.

From the Bristol Tenn Heraid-Courier
From the little riffs in the Republican
party may presently emerge something
that looks remarkably Ike a Democratic
Prospect, says the Richmond Times. But
about that time there will probably appear
some little riffs in the Democratic party
from which will emerge something that
very closely resemble a Republican Cinch
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14
Refreshing Novelty.

From the Concord a. H. Mentor
By vote of ifty-eight to eight the
Iowa legislature has buried in its COM
mittee on Federal relations a resolution
indorsing the Roosevelt administration
and demanding the Presidents renomina-
ton The Boston Record says that in this
way the Iowa lawmakers Showed their
own self-respeet and their confidence IN
the President In a way that has refresh
ing novelty.
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14
No Doubt.

"Jinks is courung two girls at the same
time"
And does he find the course Of true love
sm0Oth?"
Smooth? Finds it slippery, I'll go
bail"
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14
What II Meant.

From the New York EFening Post
To Inquirer The Presidents saying.
My spear knows no brother" was in
tended to show his determination to pro-
tect not even his dearest friend who had
violated the Law. For particulars, apply
TO Paul Morton
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14
Uncle Ioen-Thats AL

Hon Joseph g. Cannon objects. so il is
said 70 being addressed as Mr.. Speaker
OF Speaker Cannon" after a Congress
has expired by limitation, and before an
other has been organized and the Speaker
selected.
Technically. he is correct. but so far as
everyday converse is concerned, il makes
very little difference. To practically every
man, woman, and child throughout this
land he is neither Speaker Cannon. p"
Hon Joseph Cannon" nor Mr.. Can
non.' He is Uncle Joe"-just that. and
nothing more. No one has the slightest
doubt as to your meaning when, in con-
Nersauon referring in any manner to pub
lie affairs. YOU speak OF Uncle Joe"
doing this or that or saving the otberl
Waving aside ali technicalities or nlceties
whoever talks of Uncle Joe" means one
man in all the nation, and one man only
the gentleman hailing from Illinois who
was born in North Carolina and is one
Of Washington's biggest and most whole
some assets
And it Is fine thing thus TO be affec-
tlonately dubbed by the great masses of
the people Of this happy land. Whether
we agree or disagree with Uncle Joe"
and his methods of dispatching Iegisla-
ton all of as are for Cncle joe in his
individual capacity. and do not care who
knows 1t. We like his genial ways. his
frank and red-blooded talk. his preference
for dance instead Of speech at a
social function in a land like Cuba or
Porto Rico. We admire the angle of
his cigar when lie smokes. His language
does not always commend itself. but he
Is Uncle Joe, ana We forgive him lot
of things.
Long may he wave and remain on the
hurricane deck
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14
Naturally.

MY heart was in my throat for while,
bus at last it resumed its normal po-
sition."
"And them
Il bTeathed easier
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14
Less Likely Than Erer-

If Theodore Roosevelt continues to steal
William Jennings Bryan's thunder. the
gentleman from Nebraska viii be less than
ever likely 20 be struck by Presidential
lightning.
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14
A Mad world.

From the New York Herald
With sunspots troubling Pittsburg.
''brain-storms" in Manhattan. and snow
storms in the month OF April In the
sunny South, It's a mad world. my mas
ters
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14
PIenkant neaaInr.

i love English novels. don't you?"
Yes" answered Mrs. Nocook, T do. I
particularly reveI in those passages which
treat Of the old servants, and how they
have been with the fmily for years. and
years. and years.!
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14
4 AIoIIycoddIe.

Il could stand for Ferdy's purple spats, "
explained Grace.
"But?
But when he got his mustache mar
celled, ! quit.
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14
what Would Have Happeneds

From the Louisville Comier-JougnsL
What would have happened to Joe
Bailey in Texas If he'd been caught writ
ing letters TO Hartman inviting him to
Washington for a talk before writing his
speech upon the railroad rate bill?
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14

A Michigan mans own voice was heard
singing at his funeral, the trick having
been turned with the aid of phonograph.
He evidently was determined TO make the
congregation just as sorry as it possibly
could be concerning his taking away.
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14
Quite So.

Custom unto much doth bind US
Robes and gauds.
Take ali of and you will find US
ctastiy frauds.
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14

Now that King Alfonso has offered our
American yachtmen "A chance 10 win his
cup, why not return the courtesy by offer
ing the Spanish yachmen chance to
win back our philIppine islands,
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14

It seems that "Uncle Joe" made great
speech 10 those Porto Ricans Ia language
not word Of which they understood, but
they punctured his remarks with great
applause. laughter" &C, just as natur-
ally as the Congressional Record would
have done.
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14
Accurate.

What did you have for lunch?"
Il had some nearcohee. some almost
eggs, a little bacouine. and a wedge of
not-quite pie"
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14

Suu. Mr.. Graves. if Mr. Bryan will
not nominate Mr.. Roosevelt, perhaps you
might induce Mr.. Grover Cleveland to
do It
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14
A Prediction

From the Chicago Evening Post
Mr.. Bryan has consoled Mr.. Dunno Mr..
Dunno viii remember ami at the proper
time win reciprocate.
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14

Nicaragua has captured Puerto Cortez
without firing a single shot. Like Davy
Crockett's coon, Puerto probably decided
it was just as well to climb down and get
Captured.
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14

The Supreme Court of the United States
IS still our great and good friend It mas
just decided that the Isle of Pines is not
our property.
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14

'The tariff dilemma" Is a rather TEMPT
ing topic 10 various pro-Roosevelt papers
these days. Look out Mr Bryan: you
may soon have an absolutely empty
clothes line
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14
Warmers Heavy Mail.

Senator Warner. of Missouri, probably
has heavier mail to attend 30 than any
other member of the Senate Frequently
he receives 900 letters a day. and rarely is
the number less than leo The unusual
size Of his mail is due to the fact that he
is the first Republican Senator from Mis-
souri, for more than thirty years, and to
the further fact that he was at one time
commander-in-chief of the Grand Army
OF the Republic. whose members in all
parts Of the country are familiar with his
name and apply TO him for aid. Then. too
Mai Warner is conducting the Presidents S
defense I'm the Brownsville Investigation
by the Senate Committee on Military At
fairs, and this has increased the number
of his correspondents noticeably
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14

Great Darlington (Mass) hens are said
10 be laying eggs with Decent pieces IN
them That viii tend 10 reconcile the peO-
pie of Great harrington to the market
price OF eggs
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14

The State Of Pennsylvania is discovered
to have a surplus of some 100000 In
bank, Now that the secret is out, how
ever the finish Of the surplus Is in full
view.
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14

The Night Before Christmas ls beine
played TO crowded houses, despite the fact
that il is l06 nights after Christmas
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14

However, Secretary Taft's decision that
mans mother-in-law is not a part Of
his immediate family may mean that the
man is simply "a part OF his mother-in-
laws family.
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14

Mr.. Edward Ward Carmack. who was
present and also spoke was another
guest who didn't feel that he could. "as
at present advised" indorse the sugges-
tion that the Democrats nominate Mr
as his own successor.
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14

Can you smell the ale-wives smoking:
nave YOU seen the herring run?'' chirps
an Eastern contemporary. Nope; too far
South.
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14

Nineteen women have been elected to
the Finnish diet. These English suffra-
gettes should go over and get a furnished
education in politics.
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14
gIafi

a stenographer who uses the expression
perfectly grand" makes matters worse
by styling herself LADY secretary"
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14

Tillman Murray made an excellent
head waiter" says the Chattanooga star
in its report Of the Bryan banquet. How
did Tiliman take the suggestion that Mr.
Bryan nominate Mr.. Roosevelt for another
form
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14

Just as the Republican party is getting
into a big family row. the suggestion is
seriously made that the Democratic party
join it. A rough-house in the Republican
establishment makes it look like home to
the Democrats.
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14

To-day you can always tell what the
weather viii be tomorrow" said former
Secretary Shaw recently. Not the politi-
cal weather, Mr.. Secretary.
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14
dutch AGAIN rake HoIlang

From the Detroit Free Press
Secretary Taft captured Nick" Long
worth's support in Ohio. the Dutch again
taking Holland.
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14

number Of John Paul Jones relics
have come 10 light IN North Carolina. 1t
is altogether probable that John Paul was
buried in North Carolina, as well as Scot
land, France, and several other places.
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14

A scientist declares that the hammer is
the most ancient of all tools. We suppose
there are evidences OF the existence OF the
knocker brigade as far back as Adam.
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14
ADRIFT WITH THE TINES.

Prom the Birmingham Age-Herald.
What's the Uses
When you feel Ike singing. singing
And your heart Is fun of cheer.
When the bells are ringing. ringing
Peals Of gladness everywhere:
When the sun is shining. shining
And the world IS fair to view.
What's the use OF pining, pining?
WHAT'S the use Of feeling blue?
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14

Senator Pettus says the Brownsville
investigation is a "fruitless undertake
ing. Certainly there do not appear to be
any lemons In it for the President.
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14

philosophers are unpurchasable," says
the wise old Baltimore American. though
no one had insinuated that II could be
purchased,
The Washington herald., 1907-04-14

According 10 the Omaha Bee. a Sore
Toe club has been organized in Kansas
The very place for apprentices 10 serve.
preliminary TO joining the Ananias Club.