Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-15
All Rights Reserved.

me- back my courage. and though couldn't
have said one word ~ my part before /
came on the stage to answer that first che
by the time tho applause had died down
enough to let me speak. each l!u- seemed
10 spring into my mind Il was needed
Then got out OF myself and into the part
as always do. but had feared not t. ID
tonight The audlenc, was mine to play
with as | liked. 10 make laugh. L. make
cry and clap its hands shout Bravo
brava,'
Yet for once feared it. feared that great
crowd OF people out there as a Hon tanner
must at some time or other fear one of his
lions
What II they know all I've done The
question flashed across my brain What
II a voice In the auditorium should sud
denly shout that Maxine lie Renze had be
trayed France for money, English money!
How these hands which applauded would
tingle 10 seize me by the throat and choke
my life out.
Still. with these thoughts murmuring In
my head. like kind OF dreadful under
tone. went on. An actress can always GO
on-till she breaks I think that She can't
be bent. as other women can, and I envy
the women who haven't had to learn tn.
lesson of hardening themselves II seems
to me that they must suffer less
Al last came the end Of the first act But
there were five curtain calls. live times
| had to go back and smile. and bow and
look delighted with the ovation | was hay
Ing. Then. when the time came that |
Coulu escape. | met on the way To
dressing room men carrying big harps ANA
crowns. baskets and lunches of flower.
which had been sent up to mo on the sta ~
l pushed past. hardly CHANGING at them
for ! knew that Raoul would be waiting.
There he was. radiant with his unselish
pride IN me-my big. handsome lover. look
ing more like the Apollo Belvedrre come
alive and dressed in modern clothes than
like an ordinary diplomatic young man
from the foreign office But then OF course.
he is really quite out of place In diplomacy.
Since he can't exist "A ma rble pedestal
or some old masters canvas, he ought at
least TO be poet or an artist-and he is
at heart-not one. but both-and dreamer
OF beautiful dreams. as beautiful and noble
as his own clear-cut face, which might be
cold II II were not for the eyes and lips
There We're people about, and We spoke
like mere acquaintance until I'd led Raoul
into the little boudo!r which adjolus my
dressing room. Then-well, spoke
longer Ike mere acquaintance. That ~
enough to say. And We had five minutes
together before | was obliged to send him
away and go to dress for the second act
The touch of Raoul's hands. and thos, lips
of his that are not cold, gave me strength
to go through all that yet to come.
There's something almost magical in the
touch-just little. little touch-of the one
We love best. For moment we can for
get everything else, even If 1t were death
itself waiting just round the corner I've
firted with more than one man. sometimes
because l liked him and IL amused meas
with Ivor Dundas-sometmes because |
had to win him for polite reasons. But L
never knew that blessed feeling until | met
Raoul du Laurier. 1t was a heavenly rest
now to lay my head for minute on his
shoulder. just shutting my eyes, without
speaking a word.
| thought-for I was worn out. body and
soul. with the strain OF keeping up and
hiding my secret-that when | dead
the best paradise would be to leap so on
Raouls shoulder. never moving, for tho
fyvp or threp hIudral e OF
But as the peaceful fancy cooled my brain.
back darted remembrance. like a poisonous
snake. / reminded myself how little | de-
served such a paradise, and how my lovers
dear arms would put me away, in a kind
of unbelieving horror. II he knew what 1
had done and how | had betrayed his trust
In me.
For ten years I'd been a political spy
yes But owed a grudge to Russia, which
I'd promised my father to pay. and France
is Russia's ally. Besides. il seems less vile
to betray country than to deceive a man
you adore, who adores you I'm return. We
women are true truth itself to those
love. For them We would sacrifice the
greatest cause Always | had known this,
and l had thought that l could prove my
self truer than the truest, If | ever loved.
Yet now I had betrayed my lover and sold
his country! and, realizing what had done.
hardly had realized it till this moment,
l suffered torture In his arms.
Even If, by something like a miracle,
were saved from ruin. nothing on earth
could wash the stain from my heart. which
Raoul believes so good pure.
What can be more terrible for woman
than the secret knowledge that to hold a
mans respect she must always keep one
black spot covered from his eyes? Such a
woman needs no future punishment. She
has all she deserves in this world. My pun
ishment had begun. and it would always
go on through my life with Raoul, | knew,
even If no great disaster came Into the
heart of my happiness would come the
thought of that black hidden spot how
often. oh, how often would / feel ii stir!
l could no longer rest with my eyes shut,
at peace after the storm. | shuddered and
sobbed. though my lids were dry and
Raoul tried to soothe me. thinking 1t was
but my excitement in playing for the first
time a heavy and eXacting part. He little
guessed how heavy and exacting 1t really
was.
Darling he said you were wonderful
And how proud l was Of you-how proud [
am l thought it would be impossible to
worship you more than | dad. But | love
you thousand times more than ever to-
night"
CTo be Continued Next Sunday