The Ketchikan miner., 1907-03-30
IT IS TO LAUGH


| you?'
 "'That's right
 'Then that wipes out that ten owe you. Now lend me five, vii you?"
 The second day drew to it's close with the twelfth juryman still uncon vinced.
 Well gentlemen, said the court official, entering quietly, "shall l. as usual order twelve dinners?"
 "Make it" said the foreman "eleven dinners and bale of hay" A preacher to friend once said:
 Ut doesn't pay to lose your head, I always smile-I find it pays,
 I've not been mad for many days, I smile and in the Lord I trust"
 Just then his mouth filled up with
 dust.
 He cussed.
 Arthur Herkimer, the Missouri historian, told at dinner in St. Louis story about the famous Gov. Claiborne F. Jackson. 'Jackson,' he said," married. one after another, five sisters. The thing seems incredible, but it is a | fact.
 "When for the fifth time Claiborne Jackson broached a marital proposi- tion to his father-inl law-the old man was 80 and quite deaf-this conver- sation ensued:
 q I want Lizzie.
 !" 'Hey?'
 :" I want you to give me Elizabeth. oh, you want me to give you Elizabeth, do you? What for?'
 '' For my wife.
 |" For your wife?'
 !" -marry-Lizzie.
 " Oh, yes; I hear you. You needn't rouse the neighborhood.
 " Well, do you consent?'
 Yes, I consent said the old man. He shook his head and added slowly:
 :" Yes: you may have her. You've got 'em all now, my boy. But for goodness sake, if anything happens to that poor, misguided girl, don't t come back here and ask for the old woman. y
 A Berkley bookseller, anxious to fill an order for liberal patron, wired to Chicago for copy of Seekers After God," by Canon Farrar, and to his surprise and dismay received this reply ''No seekers after God in Chicago or New York. Try Phil adelphia.
 A well-to-do farmer up the State, who had sent his son to Philadelphia to begin life as a clerk, wrote to the merchant in whose employ he was, asking how the boy was getting along, and where he slept nights. The merchant replied ''He sleeps in the store in the daytime. don t know where he sleeps nights"
 A number of military men in a Washington hotel were giving an account of an incident of the civil war. A quiet man who stood by at last said:
 "Gentlemen, I happened to be there, and might be able to refresh your memory as to what took place in reference to the event just narrat- ed"
 The hotelkeeper said to him =
 "Sir, what might have been your rank?"
 Tt was private"
 Next morning the quiet man, as he was about to depart, asked for his bill.
 "Not a cent, sir; not cent :" answered the proprietor. You are the very first private I ever met"
 "A Cincinnati man who was in New York,'' says Attorney General Ellis, of Ohio, made use of a tele- phone booth in the Waldorf Astor to telephone to Jersey city. When he came out he asked the girl in charge for the bill. Twenty cents, , please. Twenty cents?' he. e.respond- ed. That's too much for the dis tance. :" I can't help it sir. she said icilv. but, that is the charge Its an outrage, he.. ..retorted, Why, in hell for 10 cents. Yes said the girl, but you must remember that in Cincinnati the place you speak of is in the city limits"
 Lerenzo Dow, on one occasion took the liberty while preaching, to de- nounce a rich man in the community, recently deceased. The result was an arrest, q trial for islander and an Imprisonment in the county jail.
 Alfred Dow got out of limbo he announced that he should preach at a given time a sermon about another rich man." The populace was greatly excited and crowded house greeted his appearance.
 With great solemnity he opened the Bible and read, And there was rich man who died and went to-" Then stopping short, and seeming to be suddenly impressed, he continued Brethren, shall not mention the place this rich man went to, for fear he has some relatives in this congre- gation who will sue me for defama- tion of character.
 The effect was irresistible and he made the impression permanent by taking another text.
 Washington, March 26-Word reached the Nicaraguan legation this morn ing that the victorious army of Nicaragua has occupied the capital of Honduras. The backbone of the cam paign of the allied forces of Honduras and Salvador seems to be broken, and there is now nothing for Hondur- as to do but sue for place. It had been the hope of President Roosevelt and the cabinet that matters would not get to such an extreme before the arrival of Secretary of War Taft on the field of conflict.