davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-11-28

pagan" hits on a few pretty good
one about Office seekers to-day In
his letter from Monongalia county.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-11-28


Barley. Bushels 1f7,i920eo4
Rye. bushels sf,566000.
Buckwheat bushels is,9l1:0op
Totai, SIT. leading cereals 4.fi5,4ss9ge
Fiaxseed. bushels Is 10000
Pothtoes; bushels 2o2,a210oo
Hay. tons q. 4. Go.1eG,oop
Tobacco pounds G45,2fs,0oO,
Rice. bushels 21.412.000
Sugar. tons 8. !. 1.S37,ooo
Cotton, bales II 100000
Surely y we work We cannot go hun
cry or naked with such n remarkable
store Of natures products at the n a
lions disposal.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-11-28

Lockets and chains at a. b. Scott
& Co. 2t
The Tupelo journal., 1907-11-15
MARK TwAIN's RENTED CAT.
Humorist Furnishes Something for
Scribes to Puzzle Over.

Mark Twain, as is his custom, hides
himself during the summer from the
head hunters, those persons seeking
autographs. photographs, or inter,
views. This year he selected Tuxedo
Park as his retreat, renting an old
colonial house until the latter part OF
September. when he returned to his
New York home. There, during the
heated days. Mr.. Clemens wandered
about the country byways or spent
the time in various shady hooks in
his grounds.
A visitor who succeeded in discov.
ering his whereabouts found the great
author in his famous suit of white
fianneis, seated under a tree petting
a kitten.
Where did you get it," queried the
friendly intruder.
For a moment there was a twinkle
in the aged humorist's eyes; it was
succeeded by a solemn look as he re-
Piled: Il rent 1t from a neighbor.
You see, / cannot afford a cat--not
even a young one"
Subsequent inquiry proved at least
the first part Of Mr.. Clemens state.
ment to be true. He had actually
rented the kitten for the summer sea
son. What does he pay for it? No
body knows what Mark Twain pays
for anything. All the world is inter-
eSted only in what Mark Twain is
paid.-The Sunday Magazine.
The Tupelo journal., 1907-11-15
Better Mind Her P's and Q's.

A little girl had been to Sunday
school for the first time, and had been
much interested in the lesson, which
had as it's foundation the text, Put
your trust in the Lord. and place nc
trust in princes"
About a week later when she re-
turned from Kindergarten she found
her mother busy helping the cook pre-
pare fruit to make jelly. She sat
down to watch-they were too busy
to let her help-and presently she
heard her mother give an impatient
exclamation.
What is it, mamma? she asked.
ooh. every n &C those ounces Is
bad at the core and I'm very much dis
appointed for | had counted on them;
I wanted to finish my jelly today"
II wish 1 had known" said the little
girl with he wisest. little air. Il could
have told you better mamma. for it
was only last Sunday that Miss Hol-
brook warned US to put our trust in
the Lord and have no confidence In
Q%uinces!"
The Tupelo journal., 1907-11-15
NEW ME rhoD Of ECONOMY.
Excuse Made by Mr.. caudie Was Real
ly Rather Neat.

H 49,
"Ah, hat said Mrs. Caudle II. a lady
who had lost a little Of the bloom Of
girlhood as she pointed her bony fin.
ger at her weakened husband. You
have been drinking again. Don't deny
It. smell semen on your breath"
But, my dear"
"That1l do. Some are born to gov.
ern and some are born to be governed
was born to govern. although just
now I'm not governing much"
Caudle II. threw an apoplectic grin
at his wife, swallowed two or three
gasps and ~endeayored to explain:
II tell you, my dear. my present in
hibitions are the result. of a precon-
certed arrangement between us
whereby we were to eoonomize." He
found 1t necessary to stop here and
wait for his grandiose statement to
stiff through his wife's pompadour.
(How Nine. Pompadour must writhe
In her grave to know those hideous
deformities are her namesakes.)
you see, madam" he continued,
'we-I-you-we both agreed to econ
omize, did we not?"
I'VE did" and a pair of SIS false
teeth snapped tight.
Well" said Caudle H., getting a
little more self-confidence as he con-
tinued, sit is this way, madam. Drinks
are Is cents apiece. For the first
time to-day I ascertained these same
drinks sold two for a quarter" He
waited a minute to see if his logic
were soaking through the rat.
"Since they were two for a quarter,
I saved five cents by buying two, hence
my present condition."-DenVer
Times.
The Tupelo journal., 1907-11-15
How 4 Flea Jumps.

It is said that a flea leaps 200 times
it's height. and while it usually does
land on it's feet. it often fails, espe-
cially when it falls on a perfectly
smooth surface where the claws can
get only a slight hold. A flea has six
legs. whose great length and bulk
make them SO heavy that they must
be a great help in keeping their own
err right side up when it makes one
of these gigantic jumps; and when 1t
lands upside down, or in some other
way, it's ability to kick is SO great,
that not more than one wriggle is
needed to set things right. A flea's
wings are mere scales, and of no use;
hut small and worthless as they are,
they tell the entomologist something
about the proper classification of the
insect. To the flea itself they have &c
value.
The Tupelo journal., 1907-11-15

have an outsider spelling our own lit
tie circle, a stranger listening to every
word you utter and going out and tell
ing all our business! No, indeed. I'd
rather do my own work than keep 6
girl any day, for really It's more work
to go around picking up after II
than to do it yourself. You know I'm
very, very particular-Albert says too
much so-and things have got to be
just right
I've had all the experience | wait
with servants. The last girl l had
didn't know the i1rst thing when she
came to me and l trained her until she
really was a gem-then OF course
some one got her away. Isn't 1t always
so? l tell Albert I'm not running a
school for domeStics.
But I will a one thing-I do
know how to manage them. give
them to understand who l am the first
thing and lay down the law. But it is
more bother to see that they are doing
things right than to do them myself.
You ought to thank your lucky stars
you haven't got my eXacting DISPOSE
ton and can see your house going to
rack and ruin while you read maya.
zines on the front piazza. People may
talk about me being fussy, but IL / do
say 1t, no house could be better taken
are of. One of Albert's business
friends who was up to dinner the
other night said he never was in such
a perfect home. He did act as If he
enjoyed his dinner. Poor man, he
says his wife keeps three servants.
Now ! don't call that making a home.
| couldn't just sit and rock all day
l have to be active or I'd go insane.
where you a send old rugs and
they'll give you a new one. If l get
on to a good thing | don't like to keep
1t to myself when it'll do others some
good. Oh. by the way, Mrs. Bruins
wick, I'd like to borrow that Goa pat
teEp; III send Charlotte over after 1t
Saturday afternoon.
She's very well, thanks. All the
children are. Their teachers say they
are the best dressed and best be-
haved children in school. Still, l can't
half begin to do for them, my house
keeping takes SO much time. Oh,
must you get off here? Well, I'm glad
to have had this little chat with you.
Come owe Don Goodbye"
Mrs. klinker stared haughtily at
the other passengers in the car and
then she gave a start of surprise.
why there's Mrs. Brunswfck's
Sarah!" she murmured. She gave an
imperative motion to a pleasant look
ing girl, who Immediately arose and
came over.
Did you wish to speak to me, Mrs.
klinker?" she asked modestly.
Eyes, Sarah, I did-on a rather del
icate matter" began Mrs. Klinker.
"If this woman next to me won't take
up more Dom thar she's entitled to,
you can sit down beside me-" Mrs.
Klinker accompanied the hint with a
stare that was at least effective. How
The Tupelo journal., 1907-11-15
Work of E~iectro-Ma9net

In engineering works the electro
magnet is taking a very prominent
place. This device dispenses with
hooks, sings and other lifting appa'
ratus. BY throwing a switch control
ling the current the magnet is ener.
gized and thereby attaches itself to
the bars, castings. scrap or pig iron
which 1t is desired to lift. The magnet
poles are shaped according to the ma
ture of the material to be raised. For
heavy rails they are obiong and are
slung from the a hook by q short
chain. Castings weighing over two
tone are successfully handled by cleo
tro-magnets. Another use to which the
electromagnetic is put is in breaking
old castings SO that they may be melt.
ed and utilized. To accomplish this
the magnet is made to lift and drop
a steel ball weighing from n to six
tons.
The Tupelo journal., 1907-11-15
Diplomacy.

A good story comes from Philadel-
phia with reference to a young So
ciety matron who sought the advice Of
her pastor touching a peculiarly per-
sonal and delicate matter Of con-
science.
Il would like to have your opinion,
sir" said she. 'as to whether or not
the use of rouge is wrong"
The diplomatic clergyman smiled.
Some" said he, "hold that there is
nothing pernicious in a bit of rouge;
others. on the contrary, regard the use
Of this cosmetic as most reprehensi-
Bile. To me it seems best to steer a
middle course. You might, therefore,
use rouge on n cheek only."-Harp-
er's Weekly.
The Tupelo journal., 1907-11-15
Martins REVENGE,

A correspondent tells the story Of
two house martins nests built agains,
an attic window of a farm, to which
the birds came for several successive
years. Last spring. however, before
they arrived, a sparrow took up her
abode In one of the nests.
Shortly after the martins returned
as usual, and one day the farm people
noticed that the hole of the mes,
which the sparrow occupied had been
blocked up. Next morning q boy
climbed up to ascertain the meaning
Of this, and not finding any outlet
broke away part of the nest, to find
the poor little sparrow dead on her
eggs.
ihe house martins had walled her
up for daring to take possession OF
their house.-Country Life.
The Tupelo journal., 1907-11-15
E POISON TEST.
Paddy Could Try it On the Cat at
Less Expense.

An Irish laborer entered a drug
store, and, drawing a paper bag from
his pocket, he poured on the counter
a number of very sticky and unpalat.
able-looking candy lOzenges.
Can ye examine thin swates?' he
asked.
They look queer. What is the
matter with them?" inquired the drug.
gist.
"Pizen, Dim a-thinkin'. Did We liver
see such stuff? Dinnis Daily give thin
to me bye, and Dinnis Is no frind OF
mine"
We'll, / can make an analysis"
"All right, Oill come in tomorrow
on me way from worruk."
The Irishman had reached the door,
but he suddenly stopped with his hand
or the latch.
And how much will thot 'nalysis
be costin' me?" he inquired.
Five dollars" was the answer.
Paddy walked over to the counter
and swept the lozenges into the bag
which he replaced in his pocket.
"Niver moind," he said. "Niver
moind. Ofll fade wan to the cat"
The Tupelo journal., 1907-11-15
A Waikind Man.

"The maps We have been giving as
premiums to subscriptions caused a
little temporary excitement in our of.
fee the other day." says the editor OF
the Adams Enterprise. Ben Spudge
called and casually remarked in the
presence of seven intending sub
scribers that the said maps weren't
worth the paper they were printed on.
As this observation caused the seven
intending ones to keep their cash in
their pockets we proceeded to make a
map Of Ben's c~ountenance, and we
succeeded so well that he is now the
best walking advertisement u map
industry ever had. Call again, Ben,
old boy!"-Atlanta Constitution.
The Tupelo journal., 1907-11-15

Don't mention that woman to
met shrieked Mrs. Klinker. If all
/ did was to sit around in negligees
and look pretty and act deceitful and
pretend to be an angel l suppose ;ou'd
break your neck waiting on me. Put
no. / can slave my fingers t. the
bone, and you hold for a shining ex-
ample some n who never does a
stroke of work and just let's her house
run itself. That pipe In the cellar
that connects with the set-tub needs
to have something done to it, and
there's q castor off the side-board so
we can't move 1t when we sweep; the
shade in the front spare room won't
go up or down, but / guess YOU can
fix 1t some way, and there's a screw
out of the"
Now mother" protested Charlotte.
you never give dad a chance to draw
a long breath"
stop right where you are. Char
lotte Klinker!" Numbered Mrs. Klink-
er. "You haven't as much heart as a
stone. You'd see your mother muir
dered right before your eyes, without
The Tupelo journal., 1907-11-15

would you like to come and live with
me, Sarah?'
Begin your pardon. nam. I'm
very well satisfied at Mrs. Bruins
wick's. They're awful good to me
there"
I'D be good to you Sarah" said
Mrs. Klinker, sweetly. And I'll give
you o money!"
Thanking you nam, I'll be after
stoppin' where l am" said Sarah firm
ly. 'Tm thinking a lot of Mrs. Bruins
wick and all of EN-"
els Mr.. Brunswick a good provider,
Sarah?' asked Mrs. Klinker.
you'll not be after pickin' me-"
fiared Sarah angli.y. Il wouldn't
work for the likeg of you, nor would
any other girl | know. You don't half
feed the girls you've had" and with
this parting shot Sarah iounced off.
Il wouldn't have the saucy piece in
my house!" resolved Mrs. Klinker.
Thank goodness I'm capable of doing
my work, and I'm as good, if not
better, than anybody"
"If you haven't got to work this at.
ternoon, Albert, there's several little
things around the house I've been
waiting a chance to have you do
Mrs. Klinker smiled ~graciously.
ut looks as ii / was going to work.
grumbled Albert. "a lot of rest any.
one can get around this house! l had
intended to-
"You used to be so nice about doing
little things" sighed Mrs. Klinker.
But you aren't any more. I don't
know what's getting into you. Mrs
Brunswick vas telling me only yes
terday how kind her husband is to
her. Oh. dear"
"She doesn't make a hired girl OF
SAM" began Mr.. Klinker defantly,
She"
The Tupelo journal., 1907-11-15
sAeYs ECZEMA GREW WORSE.
Hospitals and Doctors Could Not Pc
lieve Him-Bu. Cuticura Remedies
a Speedy, Permanent Cure.

Eczema appeared when our baby
was three months old. We applied to
several doctors and hospitals, each OF
which gave us something different
every time, but nothing brought relief
At last, one of our friends recommend
cd to us Cuticura Soap and Cuticura
~intment. "A few days afterwards i'm.
provement could be noted. Since then
we have used nothing but Cuticura
Soap and Cuticura Ointment, and now
the baby is six months old and is quite
cured. All that we used was one cake
of Cuticura Soap and two boxes Cuti.
cura Ointment, costing in all $1.25. c.
F. Kara, 343 East 65th Street, New
York, March 30, 1906"
The Tupelo journal., 1907-11-15
French Scientists Discovery.

The French scientist, DR.. Forlin,
has discovered that the light from a
mercury vapor lamp, passing through
two sheets Of blue glass and reflected
into the eye by a large lens, reveals
the internal conditions infinitely bet
ter than the ordinary white light. By
placing a screen with a pin hole be-
tween the light and the eye a mag
nificent image of the vessels at the
back of the retina, which have hith-
ERIC been almost invisible, has been
obtained. The capillary value. the di-
ameter Of which is only two-thous-
andths of a millimeter, are seen to
distend with each heartbeat, and 1t is
wen possible to count the blood
glObules.
The Tupelo journal., 1907-11-15
PLEASANT SUMNER.
Right Food the Cause.
A wis. woman y

A Wis. woman says:
ri was run down and weak, troubled
with nervousness and headache for the
last six years. The least excitement
would make me nervous and aus
severe headache.
This summer I have been eating
Grape-Nuts regularly and feel better
than for the six past years.
Il am not troubled with headache
and nervousness, and weigh more than
I ever have before in my life. I gained
5 lbs. in one week."
Name given by Postum Co. Battle
Creek, Mich. Read the book, 1.-THE
Road to Wellville," in pkgs.
There's q Reason"
The Tupelo journal., 1907-11-15
HERE'S A NEW DEFINITION.
And Many There Are Will Say Senator
PIatt Was Right.

a rather cynical joke has been re
Gently credited to Senator Plat.
The senator, on his last visit to the
Manhattan Beach hotel, allowed a
pretty little girl. a western million.
aires daughter, to be presented to
him.
The little girl, in the course Of one
of her many chats with the aged
statesman, said:
Tell me, won't you, senator, what
political economy is?"
Political economy, my dear child
Senator Platt Is said to have replied,
lis the art of never buying more
votes than you actually need"
The Tupelo journal., 1907-11-15
Has String Of Small Banks.

A picturesque figure in the banking
world is William s. Witham Of
Georgia. who is president of 1OS small
banks located throughout the south.
While he was touring the south e v
oral years ago for a wholesale mil
inery house he conceived the idea Of
starting small banks In localities
where banking consists largely OF a
,awnbroking business, with live stock
Is collateral.
The Tupelo journal., 1907-11-15
Eludinu the Teacher.

Willie came to school for the first
time. In one hand he carried a cap
and in the other a bunch Of bananas.
"You can't come in here with those
bananas" said the teacher.
Willie went out. In a few minutes
he came back, walking slowly and
painfully.
Where did you put the bananas?"
asked the teacher. II hid them all
right gasped Willie: they're safe
inside Of me-"
The Tupelo journal., 1907-11-15
huntinu LIN Statistics.

what does your father do to earn
his living?" asked a New York princi.
pal Of a pupil who was being admit.
ted.
please, ma'am, he doesn't live with
us; mamma supports me-"
well, then, how does your mother
earn her living?"
"She gets paid for staying away
from papa" replied the child, artless-
1y.-Harper's Weekly.
The Tupelo journal., 1907-11-15
Lord Roseberry's Farm.

On his Dalmeny estate of $4,000
acres Lord Roseberry himself runs
an extensive farm which is obtaining
quite an international reputation. The
produce is raised almost exclusively
for seed purposes, and in nearly every
country on the continent, as well as
in several Of the colonies, Lord Rose
berry's seeds have been utilized by
grain and root crop farmers.-London
Chronicle.
The Tupelo journal., 1907-11-15
Want to Know.

Not long ago a Boston municipal of.
fetal, who is a stickler for the use of
good English, had occasion to consult
a physician ley to the community.
After the examination. the doctor
said: "All you need, sir, is a tonic in
the shape of fresh air"
Would you mind telling me-" said
the purist sarcastically, what is the
shape of fresh air?"
The Tupelo journal., 1907-11-15

down pains and the kidney secretions
were much disordered. / thought l
would NIT live long. but since using
Deans Kidney Pills I am a different
woman, tan do my own work and have
no fear OF those troubles returning"
Sold by all druggists. so cents a
box. Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo. N. Y.
The Tupelo journal., 1907-11-15

raising a finger to save me! Yes you
would too! You begrudge me any
help. You like to see me tied up in
the house while you are out enjoying
yourself. You're like your father. No
Il cares anything about me. But,
Charlotte Klinker, if you think for one
instant that you are going to the matt
e with those girls, with all there is
to be done in this house, you're might
lily mistaken, young lady! expect
some ladies to luncheon tomorrow
and | want you to make q cake, some
jelly, mayonnaise dressing. and, err
let me see"
Eyes, l needed the rest, Mrs. Oswell.
| am such a conscientious person /
take everything too hard. OF course
| don't have to do any actual work
myself-we have three maids and a
man-but it's looking after them all
that completely wears me out" Mrs
klinker, in a handsome new black and
white foulard silk gown rocked back
and forth on the wide veranda of the
Ocean house, and complacently patted
the green leaf she had just embroid-
cred. Il have the best husband in the
world and he won't allow me to raise
my ~finger-but still there's so much
that / insist upon doing myself. My
charities take time, and my clubs-oh.
quantities of time, dear Mrs. Oswell
and then have a daughter who is
a great girl for society and I have to
go about with her a great deal, though
l don't care for it in the least, myself.
Still, l do everything to please Albert
and the children. If I'm a too self
sacrificing wife and mother / suppose
III get my reward in the lex world If
not in this. l a just see how they
miss nue. at home now. But I should
have broken down had l not had a
complete change and rest.
Il didn't even bother bringing any
of my handsome clothes with me. I
don't care how I look way off here
among strangers What's the use of
going away TO relax If you've got to
change your dress 40 times a day, a
/. / simply refuse to do it! I'm here
to rest. Oh, is it so near dinner time?
Pardon me, l must run up and put on
my lavender dimity before the bell
rings! At home, we always dress for
dinner"
The Cherry: Mr.. Klinker sent his
wife away for a complete rest-every.
body at home needed it from the dog
up.
The Tupelo journal., 1907-11-15

T had Catarrh for about fifteen
yoars, and no man could have
been worse. 7 tried everything
! S9sia f + aSeo of 5a but % 3 2 gG sd ana Toi
could see a little Improvement
from the first bottle, and after
taking 1t q short while was cured.
This was six years ago, and / I'M
as well today Us any man. Think
Catarrh is 9. blood disease, and
know there Is nothing GA earth
better for the blood than 8. 8. s.
Nobody thinks more Of s. 8. 8.
than I do. n, MATSON.
Lapeer, Mich.
The Tupelo journal., 1907-11-15
SOMETHING ABOUT MRS. ALBERT
kLiNkER.
BY Helena Smith Dayton.
Pictures by Angie Breakspear.

Go Wy FNTSFG oFVdNSPCdFs
"You needn't sit there with a face
on. Albert Kiirker, and try to make
out you've got a g%rievance!" Mrs.
Klinker placed her packages or tho
center table and drew the s~hot-button
kind of hat-pins out of her hat,
"My dear, / only regretted that the
dinner will be spoiled. Charlotte and
I have had it all ready and waiting
Sor an hour and q half! The chops
The Tupelo journal., 1907-11-15

BIZ IN a cnalr day
after day unable to
move about on ac-
count of rheumatic
pains in my back.
hips and legs. l was
short of breath and
my heart would Hut.
ter after the least
exertion- / had dizzy
smells and haortpu
The Tupelo journal., 1907-11-15

affected by this disease. It is a waste OF
time to try to cure Catarrh with sprays,
washes, inhalations, etc. Such treatment
does not reach the blood, and can, therefore,
do nothing more than temporarily relieve
the discomfort Of the trouble. To cure
Catarrh permanently the blood must be
thorough1ypurified and the system cleansed
Of all poisons, and at the same time
strengthened and built up. Nothing equals
S. S. S. for this purpose. It attacks the
disease at its head, goes down to the very
bottom of the trouble and makes a complete
and lasting cure. S. S. S. remove every
particle of the catarrhal poison from the
blood, making this vital stream pure, fresh
and healthy. Then the inAa1ned mem
branes begin to heal, the head Is 1oosened
and cleared, h ehawking and splitting cease.
is built up and vigorous health
the stomach and digestion and acts as a
If you are suffering with Catarrh begin the
of your case and our physicians will
rrh, and give YOU special medical advice
sale at all first class drug stores.
NF7 SpEcEFyc CO. ATLANTA, Ga,