The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-09-06
CHILDREN OF JOHN
ROASTED OLD MAN
sunday-school Class Got Up Its
Nerve After Feast on
Melons.
TALK MUCH ABOUT GRAFT
Outing of crutchfield's Hench-
men Made Merry at Peace
full Picnic.

full Picnic.
Justice Johns Sunday school class
threw the harpoon into one hundred
and twenty three watermclons. more
or less, yesterday afternoon. and then
proceeded to use the same weapon on
the hide Of the distinguished jurist of
the Police Court and on various thick
skinned members The One John did
no more than cut the melons with
saw. which had been borrowed from
butcher. Seeing his satellites at work
on the juicy fruit, he sat down and
operated on chunk of tobacco, that
held him for n while.
The head man of the class was not
IN a laxative mood He took the same
kind Of medicine that he had been
giving the sinners with the gracious
ness OF dancing master. once, when
a daring member got up and said that
Justice John must show cause why he
should not be removed from office, there
was almost riot, for this dignitary,
In the eyes of his class. is the goods
SO 1t came to pass that he was re-
elected president. or teacher, or what
ever else they call him. and the hot
air sports, anxious for the honors, had
nothing more to say.
Talked Much Of Graft.
But Justice John got on the trail of
fresh municipal graft. The class had
clipped in to buy the melons. They
were not much in size. but they proved
TO be the golden medicine otherwise.
Alderman Dabney was the first to kick.
He said the melons were no larger
than pills, and that he could eat d
dozen, which stunt he afterwards per-
formed. getting away with them more
~, f,1,
The. fact came out that the supply had
been bought from Alderman Satter-
field. who was not present to defend
himself.
Enter sealed sentence against the
Alderman" said the One John, and
Murphy, the clerk, took note.
Quality OF the Mclons.
The melons were piled under and
on the table. Taking the saw. the
Judge cut rings through the air. Eve
will have to hurry he said, for John
Curtis will be here presently. and there
will be no more for u.s." So he dug
into.,the rinds, the red meat blossomed,
and in few moments the class was
going after It.. Engineer Cutshaw was
the only dignifed man on the spot.
Everybody meanwhile had roasted the
melons. and when City Attorney Pol
lard arrived he was asked to render
an opinion. He got on the fence, hav-
ing seen better and poorer ones.
Chris Manning. Buster Brown, Jim
Phillips, jeff Martin. Mack Blake. Bill
Dabney, Charlie Rostrup. Haesloop.
and others, said that they had been
trimmed, but they ate enough to stun
good-sized elephant. and called for
more.
Ate TIL He Was Sick.
Presently the edges of the Reser-
voir Park were fringed with kids.
white, black and yellow. One little
white boy In dresses butted in and
butted out again with enough to kill
him. Finally he got down on the
ground.
"The boy is sick" said Justice John.
Calling Calder, the cop. he told him
to ring for the City Home ambulance.
make no mistake there" said Alder
man Dabney. "They might think the
kid has the monkeys and they won't
take him in"
Talk OF the City Home brought up
the name OF Graham Hobson. "Put
him after Saterfield." said the Judge
ST want run for my money when
operate In the watermelon market" "a
About this time Captain Curtis ar
rived The class stood and uncovered.
Captain Curtis shook hands and nothing
more was heard of him until he had
cleaned up good portion of the out
fit.
Seed Went to MIR. Lamb.
John Lamb, the Congressman, had
been invited. Conspicuous by his alb
sence," said Dabney, master OF cere-
monies, "By the way, Judge" he said,
shave those watermelon seed SAVED for
Mr. Lamb. He will need them for his
CONSTITUENCIES The secretary called the
name OF Gilbert Pollock; the One
Joints laws halted. Give him ten de-
merits" he shouted. "Here is one Of
nv prize scholars absent when we need
the spiritual comfort he can give"
For half an hour or more It Was
Symposium of graft. each memper was
called upon to explain how much he
got, how he got 1t, and what he did
WITH If. The crossfire was warm, but
good natured Everything went. In
Guiding the melons. Somebody told the
iulre that n member had beon talking
hehind his back. The man with the
malicious tongue was terrified, 5Aih,t
your friend, jedge?" he asked ,fou
haven't got sense enough to be that"
was tho retnrt Of the court as =
pricked up it's judicial ears,
"Let me hear of your blackguardlng
me. and I'll fix YOU the next time you
come in with the Jim jams"
Thereupon he was quiet.
Only "Con,nhon People" There.
Mayor Mccarthy was not present,
mo dignitaries were invited, sa'u
Dabney. This is strictly a function
for the common people. Pass me some ONE
more melon"
NOTHING doing said Justice John.
IT was growing late. One member
started to leave. ''rhese fellows VIII
talk about you when you are gone
said the Judge,
aAndg any man who doas kno WIS what
he is" replied the parting guest, When
he was beyond ear-shot what the class
did to him was more than enough. But
the endNcame finally q I'd the scholars
ltramped along behind the Judge.