davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08
Philadelphia No Longer "Pleases. ~

Talk about Philadelphia being slow must
b. forever stilled. 1t has been effectual,y
dispr"rrd. No longer can the hustling
New Yorker quip and jest about the lei
surely pace of his Quaker city neighbors
The proteges of William Penn have it on
IN" Gotuamites in a way TO cause the lat
ter to sqUirm with envy. Just the other
day an order was issued by the telephone
company that does business in the metro
poiitau boroughs commanding the hello
girls To say please to phone users on all
occasions AS II. perhaps, In challenge to
the New York spirit OF politeness the Phila-
delphis telephone corporation has just is
sued Instructions to the $50 girl operators
OF that city to cut out the please and
has iutimated to subscribers that they will
confer favor on the company by emitting
the word in their negotiations with CEN
trial. II 10 estimated that this abbrevia-
tion OF the talk will result In saving of
no less than 125 hours day. This COM
putatiun is thus reached: Between the
patrons and the operators the word Is used
on an average 100000 times day: II takes
half second To say II once, and there
fore 1.J1 seconds to say II altogether. Now
the loss Of l25 hours day means much
TO Pm. adelphians. and they are bound to
save IL somehow, even at the expense Of a
lille llp service
Is Washington In such hurry that il will
have To cut out please from Its phone
talk No inordinate public demand Is as
Yet IN evidence for a reform In this direc-
ton. aud most citizens OF this town will
probably wish fervently that the time may
never come when they too rushed to
he a1ab!-.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08
HEARST.

From the Providence Tribune.
Mr.. William r. Hearst heartily approves
Of the labor unions. Of course, but fortu-
nately there is reason to believe that the
labor unions will never unanimously in
dorse Mr.. William r. Hearst.
From the Norfolk Landmark.
Mr.. Hearst's remarks in depreciation of
class hatred were admirable; and he has
stirred up more class hatred than any
other living American.
From the Brooklyn Times.
Hearsts eyes are open. He realizes that
all the people of the United States are not
radical
From the Syracuse Herald.
May be Mr.. Hearst thinks that by print
ing cartoons on one side of the question
and making speeches on the other he can
please pretty nearly everybody.
From the indianapolis Star,
Yet many persons will be unable to fol-
low Mr.. Hearst in his demonstration that
the logical result of the square deal Is the
Independence League.
From the Milwaukee Journal.
Hearst would make Labor day another
Fourth of July. Willie has always be en-
quite fond of fireworks.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08
PARKER.

From the Nashville Tennesseean.
Judge Parker vouchsafes to a palpitat-
ing public the information that he has no
desire to run for Office again. This should
be final.
From the Knoxville Journal and Tribune.
The talk of Judge Parker as a possible
candidate again for President never reach
ed the stage where reporters were sent to
Esopus to him going in swimming.
From the Birmingham News
The rumors recently spread that there
was an effort on foot to nominate Judge
Parker for the presidency again will natu-
rally suggest that a cool plunge in
lures bathtub before breakfast is a health
full thing.
From the Pittsburg Gazette-Times.
Judge Parker says he will not be
candidate for President next year. He
heard the voice of the people in 1904 and
has not yet been able to get the sound out
of his
From the Harrisburg Telegraph.
Judge Parker says he doesn't want to be
a democratic candidate again. This Is too
had-just when the plum was about to
drop in his lap, too.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08
ANSWERS TO
CORRESPONDENTS

lin this column vii, he answered all questions OF
2 proper nature submitted 10 The Star. lnqu,rers
snouh write on one side only and address their let
tiers Uncle Jasper Star office In case of ditii.
cult conundruns answers may I've DELAYED Tor a
week or two. Consequently 1t may he advisable
Tor all 9usstioners to watch this column carefully.
JoNES-Uncle Jasper. is It true ,hat
Thomas /. Ryan son is organizing
typewriter trust A.-Oh yes. Already the
Department OF Justic" has received freuz.ri
protests from Prizcighters' Local No -
and the International Amalgamated Assoc
citation of Aerial Ar"'ic Explorers
Ihere man We <r.ow who has hay fever
bad
That he sneezes-iust stop 10 consider
Every time that he passes, while strollins
along
A frisky and blooming grass widow.
MARlA-Uncla Jasper won't YOU please
cite one of the oddities OF incousequence''
AIN minute, Judge l.andis who re-
Gently slapped thirty million dollar fine on
the Standard. kicked like an Ozark mule
In New York hotel the other day because
a careless cashier soaked him three bucks
for 81 Is steak.
IL. T. K.-Cncle Jasper. what do YOU
think of that artist. Ferdinand Earle. who
recently sent his wife away so he could
marry his affinity? A.-Gentle reader.
this Is family Journal. Expect reply BY
registered letter
Sun done gettin' mild.
Leaves will soon turn
Folks what's been boardin' folks
Has just got cash to burn.
F. s. M.-What's the latest news from
Morocco. Uncle Jasper? A-Quite a coinci-
dence you should ask that Just this
minute We received "A 81 ecial cable from the
front saying that after two days of severe
lighting along an eighteen mile battle line
frenchman had been wounded. While
advancing on the foe he slipped and cut his
left hand The Moorish army has taken
credit for the casualty.
There Il young bank clerk named
Runyan
Whose conscience was hard. like a bunion.
He took green bills and gold.
For a woman We re told.
What Ire got u lemon-Or onion.
OLD RESIDENT-Uncle Jasper. 1t is in
comprehensive To me how any one could
have fallen so low TO pawn a ring In
which one Of the Presidents teeth served
setting. Why do you suppose the wretched
owner did it? Alt is reported on good
authority that he expressed an opinion OF
his own and that the setting Immediately
bit him on the hand.
LOCAI-Why hasn't this Washington
should? A.--IIveryhoiy with the price
come home is already here. The others are
hopeless. Savvy, LokeH
n o. M.-Pieasc cite an instance of this
much talked OF Dementia Americana. A.
Judge Parker chershes the hallucinatiou
that he stands chance for the democratic
nomination in l.U>
NoTE-Walter wellman is still starting
for the pole.
HAROLD understand the United States
treasury is advocating a new emergency
currency. A.-We'd like to understand II.
too. Maybe il would hold up to stretch
this sl.13 over till next pay day.
Nationals looking good
Line Up seems real fine:
Maybe they'll win the pennant
About 1899.
UNCLE JASPER
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08

Ny wife's away. SO take look
Behind the kitchen scenes:
For every meal at home | cook
A can of Boston beans.
Sardines for breakfast. what q meal
For supper salmon serves;
Until today I really feel
It's getting on my nerves.
I've run the canned goods gamut through
From salmon down to ham.
Would she return. II she but knew
How sick Of II I am:
But l must keep a cheerful face.
She needs a change of scenes;
I'll bear IL with becoming grace,
And try TO live on beans.
But OH It's hard to bow my head
And speak a thankful prayer
To Him who sends us daily bread
With only canned goods there.
Detroit Free Press.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08
Overlooked.

Oh. keep the secret-keep it dark
Ere long you will behold
The autumn leaves in every park
All turning into gold!
Here Is about the only chance
That average people see
Upon such treasure vast to glance,
From all taxation free.
So keep 1t dark, for should it meet
The money baron's eye
He'll start a merger stout and neat
And corner the supply
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08
PAPER.

He was a small investor.
Affairs he couldn't boss.
SO when his stocks went tumbllng
He suffered paper loss.
No matter who belittled
The sure effect of that.
His landlord shortly told him
To hunt paper hat.
His butcher, too. determined
His credit had to stop.
And so he had when hungry
To eat paper chop.
And since his sweetheart frowned 80
Upon this sort OF life,
He Had To be contented
With just paper wife.
He thought the Constitution
Might save his rights. mayhap;
The outcome only showed him
He wore paper cap.
Wilson, In the New York Sun.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08
Have The Star Follow You.

Readers of The Star may have The Even
ing ard Sunday editions mailed to them in
any part of the country at the rate of eoc
per month, The Evening Star only SOC
per north. The address may be changed
FREQ ertly as desired.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08
MOTORMANIA.

I have a motor runabout.
And l have often wondered
How l could ever do without
My car, which cost. ................... oo"U
1t plays me many a little joke:
I well recall my fix
When my left steering spindle broke
That cost exactly .........-...........oo o
The other day I broke my chain,
1t gave me trouble. plenty;
But still, I Oughtn't to complain.
1t only cost -.'.''''''''f '@o
Ny carbureter wouldn't work
t-ied till blue;
An expert gave 1t Just one jerk
She went fsst. when this was done.
She seemed be alive,
And then-my pump refused TO run!
A new one cost me. .-....'''.'...'''' o'oV
And was happy just day;
And then my JOY was Ger!
My battery failed. l had to pay
For cells. I'm
thought that l had known the worst,
And dared to laugh at fate:
When suddenly my tire was burst:
New shoe cost .3o.W
And then my radiator went;
new one :''....'.'..'' '@'.V
Repairs to brake. a lever bent. a.
dust-eap .'.''.....'...'. ...''..'..'..''''E.h
And now l was a little vexed:
NV lamps went back on me!
1t WAS my generator, next;
They stuck me ........................ .l3.oS
This tinkering with my machine
Was not because l bundered:
With garage, oil and gasoline,
i spent another ..,.......-..-.. ..s.......iU.W
But STILL I've had a month Of fun.
Despite repair shop rows, and
After It all is said and done,
I've only spent. OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES .Voo.o0
-Gelett Burgess In Smart Set.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08
BURTON.


From the indianapolis News.
But let 1t be remembered that Congress-
man Burton is undertaking no small task
in attempting to break Cleveland of the
Tom Johnson habit.
From the Pittsburg Dispatch.
Theodore e. Burton will contest with
Tom L. Johnson for Cleveland mayOralty
honors Well, Cleveland could go further
and fare worse Burton ought to make a
good mayor, and his heart is in Cleveland.
From the Springfield Republican.
Drafting Congressman Burton Is almost
the same as drafting United States sena-
tor to run for mayor of Cleveland Tom
Johnson has never before been so COM
plimented by his republican foes since he
began to hold the mayoralty office
From the Springfield MON.
The probability that Congressman The
odore E. Burton, chairman of the COM
mittee on rivers and harbors. will be nom
mated for mayor Of Cleveland, In opposi-
ton to Mayor Tom L. Johnson, will bring
q thrill of Joy to many in the lower Mis-
as a warm friend of the deep waterway
project.
From the Columbus Ohio State Journal
With Three-cent Tom heading one ticket
and Theodore Burton the other. the street
railway vested interests may have to make
an Independent ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
that u.s. Of what's good for the people.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08

Chicago college professors have brought
the practice of making startling utterances
so much into question that discreet man
with a speech in preparation goes through
it with the utmost care to keep out the cpl
grams.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08
Forewarned.

Il suppose you are little anxious about
how your forthcoming speech will be re-
ceiyed" said the friend
Not at ALL" answered the old cam
paigner; II know beforehand. My friends
will all say it is good and my enemies will
all say 1t is bad"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08

Some scientist has probably told President
Baer that the coal supply WI. be exhausted
in a million years or so. and he is putting
up the price in order to induce economy
This reason is about as good as most that
are given for increase in the cost Of
living
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08

When 1t comes to giving his opinion of
Gov. Hughes. Senator Plat has the we'll
rounded vocabulary OF a man who has kept
his ears open while being himself frequently
attacked
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08
A Neglected Fund.

The conscience fund Is a curious insti-
tuition" said the stranger in the city.
Yes" answered Senator Sorghum: land
IL all the money that belongs there could
be collected the government would have
enough to run without collecting any taxes
for a long time
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08
SHOOTING STARS.
Early In the Field.

There" said Hamlet as he handed his
manuscript to the first player II think
that drama will give my uncle, the king. q
serious shock
Yes" was the reply. II must congratu-
late you You have anticipa Led the prob
lem play by several centuries
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08
Will It Come to ThisP

oier?'
II don't think so. / never heard of his
being indicted by the grand jury op being
involved in any fist fights
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08

BY the time 1t Is definitely ascertained
which trusts are good and which bad they
may all have ceased to exist and be doing
business under some other name.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08

Merchants are going ahead with serene
confidence that any panic that Wall street
may see hit 10 indulge in will not make any
real difference in fall trade
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08

1t is one Of the ronies Of politics that the
Koreans. proverbially the most peaceful
people in the world, find themselves under
the necessity of being pacified.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08

Uncle Toms Cabin managers will look
forward to a cheap supply of canine talent
II Commissioner Bingham's trained dogs do
not fulfill expectations.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08

Now that Richard Garfield has quit gam
bling the question of what some of the gild-
ed youth will do with their spare change
becomes truly serious.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08

No member of Congress has the assurance
to suggest that the dangers of treasury
surplus might be lessened by further in
crease OF salaries at the Capitol
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08

Mr. Roosevelt Is described as being busy
ON his message to Congress For a man of
his literary readiness to take all that time
TN = message seems almost incredible.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08

1t will not make much difference what the
Sultan of Morocco thinks about anything
that goes on in towns where Europe is sup
plying the police force.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08

A scarcity Of oysters Is predicted. There
Is no exception to the rule that finds an ex-
cuse for increasing the expense Of every
thing edible.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08

The prediction may be ventured that Pres
ident Roosevelt's message to Congress will
not contradict much that Mr.. Taft has been
"a wing.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08

Pennsylvania state capitol Is regarded
as a joke by some Of that states taxpayers
Real humor Is scarce and sometimes comes
fOb
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08
INhPT

One trouble is, when We get things adjusted
Judicially and one more trust is busted,
That howsoeyer may overthrow II,
The busted trust just never seems to know it.
India ma polls News.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08
Misleading Enthusiasm.

They gave him generous applause.
But not their votes; twas plain to SEQ
They listened to his speech because
They liked to hear him lecture free.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08
USED The LONG u.s."

81 love you for yourself alone"
He wrote. Some wicked elf
Made him use long -" and thus
For self the girl read ''pelf."
st. Louis Republic.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08

There's man We su.ow who has hay fever
bad
That he sneezes-iust stop to consider
Every time that he passes, while strolllng
along,
frisky and blooming grass widow.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08

oNES-j ncle Jasper. Is It trIe that
THOMAS /. Ryan son il organizing "A
typewriter trust" A.-Oh. yes. Already the
Department Of Justic" has received freuzri
protests from Prizedghters' Local No. -.
and the International Amalgamated Assoc
citation of Aerial Arr'tc Explorers.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08
VENEZUELA and DRAG0 DOCTRINE

At the moment when the Drago doctrine
was being restated by the American dele
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08

I'm this column VIII be answered all questions Of
proper nature submitted 10 The Star. luquirers
shouih write on one side only and address their let
ters ncie Jasper. Star Office. In case of din.
CUT conundrnms answers may I've DELAYED Tor a
week or two. Consequently 1t may he advisable
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08

There young bank clerk named
Runyan
Whose conscience was hard. like a buniou.
He took green bills and gold
For woman, were told.
What Ire got was lemon-or onion
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-08
A SUMNER Wall.

GLE JASPER
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1907-12-10
DIDN'T TRUST ETNANCIERS.
Burke Cochran Talks on the Panic
and Public Topics

(WashlngtON POsI)
Representative w. Bourke Cochran,
in discussing the recent financial
furry yesterday at the Willard said:
Il my mind, the general suspicion
by the people of men at the head OF
large corporations was the principal
cause of the panic. l do not believe
we would have had any panic if the
President had taken action at the
beginning of his term and prosecuted
those individuals who are known tC
be dishonest, instead of delaying until
this late day"
When asked regarding the statement
made by Mr.. Bryan recently that Mr.
Roosevelt had borrowed the the prin-
ciples of Democracy. Mr.. Cochran re-
piled: He may la borrowed the
principles of Mr.. Bryan, but to my
mind, some of Mr.. Bryan's principles
are not Democratic. l believe that
those principles for which Mr.. Roose-
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1907-12-10
THE STRAINS or "LoHENGRuN.'
The Business OF Marrying and Giviag
In Marriage Goes ON.
(Raltlmore SUM-

On Thanksgiving day there were
1857 weddings. throughout the
United States. The wedding march
from "Lohengrip' was played 10216
times. and the ~organlsts performing
IL made the usual average OF Sc mis-
axe apiece. or 633. 392 in all. n late
Richard Wagner turned in his grave
l65 times. Allowing for those who
played II at more han one wedding.
there were S.s54 ~organists engaged in
the nefarious work. At the 1871
weddings there were $3.50 brides
maids, each OF whom regretted that
she was not marching as "a bride up
the aisle herself. In the pews sat TO-
643 brides mothers. each wearing a
look OF grim determination. More
h 10000 bachelor ushers and best
men trembled in alarm. BY next
Thanksgiving day more than half
Of themb Will be safely enmeshed in
the ~connubial net.
Thus the business OF marrying and
giving in marriage goes on. II is q
matter in which the average bachelor
takes no interest whatever. because
he has more important things on hi,
mind Upon him rests the weightly
and tremendous duty OF managing the
country's industries. governing is
people and guarding its shores from
foreign invasion. He IS the producer
the provider. the defender. the thinker
He IS too busy TO dream of
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1907-12-10
5[5BT CAIN AMIN. IN
cotton MARKET
.JIish Week End Figures
and Ogar Night Buy
ing Orders
CLOSE WAS EASY
VA Iirm and Much Better
or
me ,4 the C~ables-Reports
.bc GinnerS' Association
.s,oe- mount Ginned to
u,-. 8,2SS,0OO Bales.

...a Associated Press.)
,ar Dec. THE cotton mar
F.ra. t.rm at a decline of one
", an advance of eight points,
r ras aWay better than due on
R.tes. reports that the National
~, Az-.ciation made the amount
Iron e.uned to December 1st only
,a6a bales. Bullish weekend
Is and overnight buying orders
tbp bull factors and right after
all the market increased it's gain.
o4ar.ng were very heavy on the
.rre with local bulls taking profits
blocks and during the middle
morning the market eased off
bout thu closing figures of Friday.
Inc was very active and the South
IA to DE buying through wire and
mission houses. The market clos
,sy with prices net one point low
seven points higher.
at the ports today, $3.50
against $500 last week and 61,-
wear. For the week $4,000
against 372,452 last week and
81 last year. Today's receipts al
orleans. 20,723 bales against 10
year, and at Houston 11,71G
against 14.545 last year.
YORK, Dec. 7.-Spot closed steady,
nguplands f2.i5 middling gulf 1890
bales. Cotton futures opened
and closed easy.
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1907-12-10

Welt has become famous are Demo
cratic. such az the <~.glway rate Iegss-
lation = the government supervision
OF corporations.
Mr.. Bryan Is the only candidate I
nave heard mentioned" said SIR.
COCHRAN AS 20 the issue OF the next
campaign. they viii be largely EufIu-
encsd by what the President wtIl have
10 say IN his message tomorrow. As
TO the tariff. / consider tariff robbery.
robbery Of the worst Kind N that il Is
under the gulse OF law"
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1907-12-10

The last drop of water viii not come
to the man who waits by the river.
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1907-12-10
Stocks and Bonds.

t'Ao
York. Dec. THE extreme
which has been characters
stock market movement FOR
ays past was more proounced
r today. The general down
denCy of the first hour gave
IN aggressive upward move
iy in the second hour, whIch
Ter and more comprehensive
ret appeared in the market
broke again at the last.
ks connected with the cop
try we're CONSPICUOUS in the
a. especially among Smelling:
fp was unfavorably affected
e, ssing of the dividend on the
stock Of the United States
FL and Refining Company ana
nDIished remarks of the pres
nat company on the condl-
the industry. The market
show the great effect of the
.uetion Of the short interest,"
..sring the week. The weak
n e. copper stocks persisted al
ally in the marke ct and al
secondary reaction and the
-ularity. The bank state
.-lirmed the expectation, pu'
stock mark ct was extre,Ile-
led by the news of the fallule
rage house in Pittsburg. ~
action shown by the pam
+ vas viewed with speclai sal,
as it was effected Wltnou'
r 90 in the money market.
We're strong. Total SaieS Pc
5000. -.
, s have advanced IA. the -
III @ 2's "A per cent on cal
The week.
les today 452,1Oo shares, IN
upper 46,400; smelling 80
2al 100; tobacco 500; B. X
.e c. & o. 200; L. & n; soo
=. 100: Reading s5.6oO; South
Z. 2.50O. do MD 900: Union ia