The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-08-15
MOST SPOTLESS Town
NEW ENGLAND BURG HOLDS RIB.
BON FOR RIGHTEOUSNESS.
Agitation for New jail at 5rldgewater,
Conn.,, Starts Dlscussion--Lock-
up Not Needsd-Kept Only
for Custom.

board Of experts have passed judg-
ment that to Bridgewater belongs the
sacred honor of being the most righ.
teous town in New England.
No scientific dissecter of civic mi
crobes, after a microscopic examina-
ton of all other towns, has rendered
this decision.
Yet, the consensus of opinion has
been arrived at without question
without hesitancy.
Bridgewater has been elevated to
the topmost pinnacle of righteousness
through the administration of its af-
fairs by the most stainless, spotless
board of town fathers in the world.
Six men who neither chew nor
smoke nor drink nor swear have
brought to Bridgewater its unquestion-
ed glory
And now local controversy has
arisen over the village lookup that
threatens to cast the first blot upon
lbS LoAl NGRulChCOA VI llllO luOoJ Olh
less town in New England.
Tucked away in an odorous little al
ley where only the rats and mosqui-
toes can live in safety, Bridgewaters
dinkey little brick cooler" with its
six unused cells has suddenly become
the subject of a town sensation that
has split in twain the friendship Of
peaceful and upright citizens and
neighbors and has aroused the stain
less town fathers to rise in pious pro-
test against discussion of the much
mooted question of replacing the lock
up with building more in keeping
with the dignity of the village.
"A town Jail in Bridgewater?
Never!" expostulates the righteous
element
AN undignified, measley little cool.
er, hidden away In the center OF the
town, because citizens are ashamed
to have its presence known by visi-
tors, ought to be replaced by build.
ing in keeping with Bridgewater's dig
nifty" replies the "anti" faction.
"sh!sh!" protest the town fathers.
Shall we smirch the reputation of
our godly town by wrangling over jails
and such like, when crime and the
need of place for protection against
1t is almost unknown among us?"
Thus is Bridgewater's righteousness
shadowed by plebian lookup.
Never before In the history of the
village have its spotless inhabitants
been thus scandalized.
At the yearly gathering In Bridge
water, when the town fathers are
elected only those are chosen who
are freest from all carnal sins.
The present board of seleetmen
Chairman Ernest Leech, Harrison D.
Packard, and Edwin s. Josslyn, who
have never used tobacco in any form
who are profaneless, and who hold
up their hands in horror at the sugges
ton of alcoholic stimulants as bev
erage, are looked upon as a model ol
uprightness. Town Treasurer Edward
Sinnott, Town Clerk Z. A. Hewitt, and
the town tax collector, have likewise
always been total abstainers from al
sins Of the flesh.
Profanity upon the streets is almost
unknown.
A present continual source of pair
to the pious citizens and the towr
fathers is the habit which Bridgewat
er's two policemen have of chewing
tobacco and stealthily expectorating IL
the gutter while going their rounds.
Only few of the stores keep to
bacco on hand, and. the mention o
anything stronger than root beer IL
the village causes. the, inquirer to b.
regarded with suspicion and horror.
Crime is as scarce as hens teeth
Once In the memory of the oldes
inhabitants murderer was shut III
| for a day in the coolsr before being re
| LHONCu, anu az OllC lln1Es OuC vi LII
| cells contained a live burglar, witt
had been pursued and captured by tn,
chief of police, B. Frank lie Barron.
For dignity's sake the village main
tains two officers, who carefully guar,
the lookup from harm.
Recently curious and inquisitiv
Bridgewaterite heard of the tow
cooler" which lies at the end Of al
alley, just off the main square of tn
village. Only the better informed cit
zens have until recently been awar
of it's existence.
A lone investigation was made b.
this meddlesome inhabitant, which re
suited in rousing the first discussion
about the propriety of the undignifie
cooler. This discussion reached tn
ears of the town fathers, and immt
diately verbal ultimatum was issue
requesting that such unseemly talk b
discontinued.
Bridgewater is crimeless, was tn
| ARGUMENT VI IhC noloSOlhOh III bSCIt
session assembled. The town mair
tains its lookup because of custom
Convention makes 1t neeessary-mer,
ly that and nothing else.
Agitation over a new Jail woul
necessarily defame the towns reput;
ton for immemorial piety. Thereupo
one of the fathers bit of a chew {
tutti-frutti and departed to dissemil
ate the grave deliberations OF tn
board throughout the town.
Two distinct factions have arise
in the village. and with the excepto
of the two local police officers whol
, the agitation has affected noticeabl
only in the amount of tobacco eonsun
ed daily, every Bridgewaterite has a