davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01

L
in joint down on lower Kansas, ave-
nue. last fall, and that you wasn't sure
who sold the stuff to the man who
treated the crowd when you happened
to be there
See here. Deacon interrupted Bill.
that was dead right. How could 1 be
sure whether the stuff was beer or
not! L didn't make it, and it came in
a keg, so I couldn't see the label. And
how could be sure about the bar
tenders name? He might have been
| sailin' under an alias"
Il merely mentioned that" said the
deacon mildly, ito corroborate your ar
gument. And if it was necessary, 1
might mention seem YOU sign up to an
affidavy in drug store down the
street here the other night. I went over
and glanced at the book after you had
sneaked out with that two-quart bottle
under your coat, ana noticed you were
suffering from a mighty bad case of in
| digestion. I've had indigestion myself
| in my day, but 1t never affected me the
way you acted. And I noticed, toos'
| said the deacon, that you had temper
arily forgot your name. You signed
Bill Smith to that there af1davy.''
Looks like more RAIN said Bill,
glancing out the window.
you are also correct" continued the
deacon, 'in saying that the prohibitory
law is bound to be violated. I have
frequently noticed that myself, and I
presume you are better acquainted
with the facts than 1 am. Now, here
Is an item in this paper telling about
horse being stolen down southwest.
1t beats all how that law against horse
stealth is violated. It's seems to be a
fact that a few vigorous doses of pun
ishment sort of discourages it, but just
the same this horse stealth law contin-
ues to be broke. Looks like we better
not have any horse stealth law at all
than to have one that gets broke right
along every once in while and makes
criminals out of the thieves. Why,
expect they'd even lie about it if they
was caught"
IT never did believe this here man
Haywood was guilty. remarked Bill to
the exchange editor.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01
.IAYHAWKER .JO7:S

The Wellington Daily Leader didn't
succeed in leading as much as II
wished, and SO it has quit.
Kansas is now shipping Shetland
ponies TO Illinois. Seven went from
one farm in Graham county recently.
The Salina Journal. which lives
along the line of the Missouri Pacific,
refuses to be surprised at the Horace
wreck.
1t is said that a smooth CRATER sold
81 worthless watches in a little town
in Atchison county in three hours, and
one of his victims was a banker.
Since Belgium has prohibited the
manufacture and sale of absinthe. the
Wichita Beacon is looking for lot of
two-per-cent absinthe joints to start
up in Belgium.
Political note IN the Be.oit Call:
Congressman Reeder was in town to-
day, contemplating some of the rocks,
we presume. on which his statesman
ship IS about to be wrecked
Notwithstanding her name. the
court gave Mrs. Bialochowskl $12 a
month alimony pending her divorce
trial. But it must be remembered that
Mr.. Bialochowski has the same name.
Concordia got no rain last Friday
when the surrounding country was
moistened. but the weather bureau
later made up for the slight by flood
ing the town with a downpour of five
inches.
Their meanest critics." observes the
Hutchinson News. ''can not deny the
physical courage of the Kansas rail-
road commissioners. They are plan
ming to take another trip on line of
the Missouri Pacific"
Kansas is in it strong at Boise.
Senator Borah is a former Kansan-
There are three jurors who used to
live in Kansas. and the court stenog-
rapher Miss Florence Hartley, was
of
Hope Dispatch: Ray Shuman has
great curiosity out on his fathers
farm. He found a nest of quail eggs
and set them under bantam hen
The hen Matched nine little fellows
and she is mothering them around the
yard in great shape.
The New York World advertises in
a Lindsborg paper that its "thrice-a-
week" edition is read wherever the
English language is spoken. but
what" asks the Salina Journal, made
IT think it could make business by ad-
vertising that fact in Lindsborg?
Here is a conversation that was
heard on the streets of Lawrence the
afternoon Of circus day: Hello, Jack,
come down and let's have a bottle of
two ner cent" Nav answered
lack. I'm maxim 3 fer the willers,
where there is a keg of eight per cent"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01
GLOBE SIGHTS.

IFrom the Atchison Globe.J
Somehow, store teeth never look
just right.
Some people buy gold bricks just to
have something to kick about.
Farmers admire a cut price grocer
until he cuts the price of eggs.
Do you have two dispositions for use
in talking over the telephone?
So many people who imagine they
are pushing are really standing on the
rope.
Going barefoot on stone pavements
these days is equal to taking a lodge
initiation.
No man believes it is a very serious
offense to steal watermelons, unless he
owns the patch.
There isn't as much difference be-
tween a croaking laugh and a silvery
one, when heard in a business office,
as you might imagine.
Any kind of an excuse goes with
Mother. but when boy can fix up an
excuse that will go with Father. he
shows rare genius.
The wife whose husband gives her
all the money she wants. and no show
of devotion with it. gets no sympathy
from any woman over 80.
3 1t always makes us mad when a man
from Texas OF Louisiana visits this
section in July or August, and says:
This weather here is hotter than 1t is
where 1 live
Now, up and UP. don't you remem-
Der more wildly the whippings your
father gave you. than the many kind
nesses he showed you, and are you not
ashamed of yourself for it?
1t is good plan when going on a
trip on the cars at this season to take
all the children: If only two or three
went they might not be able to catch
all the cinders in their eyes.
When you see two women on a
street corner these hot days, looking
particularly amused. it is evident one
is telling the other what little she
wears around the house in the morn
ing.
We don't know of anything that
looks wrose than a newly dug grave
waiting for it's occupant. An old, for
gotten, abandoned and tumbled-in
grave looks comforting and restful in
rfznr1
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01
JOURNAL ENTRIES

We note that Barney Oldfield is
again trying to commit suicide-this
time up in North Dakota where he is
running his auto at almost a mile a
minute gait.
X
Harry Orchard has piece" running
in one of the magazines. Being choice
about the company 1t keeps, this de-
partment positively refuses to sell any
stuff to that magazine, notwithstand-
ing its opportunities, while Orchards
contribution is running.
% n
This department refuses to believe
that a disastrous wreck, killing many
people. will occur on the Missouri Pa
cific some of these days, as an eX-
change prophesies. No people travel on
that road If they can get out of it.
y X
Only n few weeks more and those of
us who don't have natural gas will be
fussing about the price of coal. -
X X X
A Pratt paper declares a girl down
there wears a peekaboo waist that isn't
reinforced with other garments enough
to mention, but it is believed the Pratt
paper is simply trying to bring a large
crowd Of would-be spectators to town.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.
IRON the Philadelphia Record

[From the Philadelphia Record.1
The dyspeptic's idea of the yellow
peril is a Welsh rabbit.
A pretty girl always inspires more
envy than a clever one.
Sometimes an exploded theory doesn't
even wake up the theorist.
All a woman has to do to appear
mysterious is to go heavily yelled.
The philanthropy Of some men con-
sists of willingness to pass the hat.
Many a man puts his property in his
wife's name, including his happiness.
Some people have to pay cash be-
cause they are not known, and others
because they are.
A pessimist is a person who can't
forget that the beautiful butterfly came
from a horrible grub.
1t generally takes two to make a
quarrel, but occasionally you will fnd
a woman who can do the trick all by
herself.
Wigg-''How did Bjones manage to
lose out on that deal? He told every
body he was in on the ground floor.
Wagg-"Maybe he found out that the
elevator wasn't running"
Blobbs-"It seems to me that Hen
peckke has turned religious all Of
sudden" SIobbs-'Yes, he has just
discovered that in heaven there Is no
marrying or giving in marriage.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01
HUMoR OF THE DAY

Iawson-Is he rich?
Dawson-Fabulously. Why, he stayed
three days once at a Florida hotel-Som-
erville Journal
Henderson-You can't tell some women
anything. -, -.
long enough to listen to you.-St. Joseph
News-Press.
e'scribbly must intend starting a maya
what makes you think so7'
HE told me he had a scheme to get his
stun published. '@Cleveland Plain Dealer.
"Do you ever think of your youth?'
asked the first old man.
paving interest on some debts contract
ed before 1 was old enough to know bet
er"-Detroit Free Press.
Were you IN the ark with Noah. grand
mo, my child. was not in the ark
''Then, why weren't you drowned?'-
Punch.
Sunday School Teacher-Who can tell
me the meaning of the word repent
"A pause. )-Sunday School Teacher
What is that we feel after we have done
something wrong?
Little Willie-Papa's slipper.-Judge.
Chomondelyn-You and your sister are
twins, are you not?
Martoribanks-We were when we were
children. Now, however, she is five years
Younger than I.-Cleveland Leader.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01
sTRENUOIs THEODORE.

The neighbors watch the scene with gle'
When Teddy pitches hay.
Ihey all look on dee-lghted-lee
When Teddy pitches. hay
me barnyard creatures, small ana great
Line up along the fence and gate,
And on his actions ruminate.>
When Teddy pitches hay.
His helpers do not loaf about
When Teddy pitches hay.
The perSpiratiOn oozes out
When Teddy pitches hay.
1t makes them grunt to keep the pace
There's CONSERVATION in; each face.
AS mammoth forkfuls fly. through space
When Teddy pitches hay
There is no halt to breathe. or rest
When Teddy pitches hay.
1t makes them puff to keep abreast
When Teddy pitches hay
There's many q tired wrist ana arm
Upon that rugged Roosevelt farm,
And rural life throws off its charm
When Teddy pitches hay.
All, how the pitchforks have to fly
When Teddy pitches hay.
There's hustling, no one can deny,
When Teddy pitches hay.
And many u shirt is wringing wet
Before the field is cleared, you bet!
The brawny hands express regret
When Teddy pitches hay.
IT'S Just like every job he does
When Teddy pitches hay.
Things simply smoke and hum and buzz
When Teddy pitches hay.
He enters in with all the zest
Within that pent-up Roosevelt breast
His strenuous nature stands expressed
When Teddy pitches hay.
Los Angeles Express.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
lFrom the chicago News.l

TFrom the Chicago News.l
Curiosity often hides behind the mask
OF sympathy.
Many a man is worth less than the in
surance he carries.
Airs assumed by the self-made man
are mostly fresh airs.
The average girl would rather have
freckles than a low instep.
A woman's figure, like her age, is
sometimes a doubtful quantity.
1t costs more to avenge a wrong than
1T does to let 1t go by default.
When a woman has train of thought
1t is apt to be an unlimited express.
There is nothing better than a good
woman, and nothing worse than a bad
one.
The easier it is to pump a man the
less the information you get out of him
is worth.
There seems to be a yellow streak in
human nature that makes 1t always
want to shift the responsibility.
Only a man whose foolfshness exceeds
his bravery would even attempt to stop
the runaway tongue OF q woman.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01

Noting that Captain Hobson's chau-
tauoua audiences in Kansas usually
voted in favor of a greater navy when
called on to do so. the Parsons Sun ex-
claims: "Of course they did. With
battleship just named for her. with
wheat. cattle. corn and other products
TO sell, why shouldn't Kansas want a
big navy? If there is going to be any
fighting, Kansas wants it done on the
water" Which is true enough. But
In addition to that Kansas feels that a
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01
HOME NEWS WHILE AWAY.

subscribers of the State Journal
away during the summer may have
the paper mailed regularly each day
30 any address at the rate OF ten cents
IN week or thirty cents a month (by
mail only. Address changed as often
AS desired. While out of town the
State Journal Will be TO you like a
daily letter from home.
Advance payment is requested on
these short time subscriptions, to save
bookkeeping expense.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01

Mr.. Bryan has one chance to escape
from the accusation that he crawfish-
ed on the government ownership is
sue. He said originally he was for
government ownership as he did not
believe government regulation would
be a success. Government regulation
bids fair to be something of a success,
and Mr.. Bryan has only to recognize
that fact to square himself with his
former utterances
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01
RE;EJ.ECTIoNs OF A BACHELOR
rFrom the New York Press.l

A nice thing about being a million
aire must be how everybody is afraid
to dun you.
A girl thinks it's very romantic to
look at the picture of a man she doesn't
know in a magazine
Hardly anybody is lucky enough to
have all his relations hate him so they
won't come to see him.
What a girl likes about being engag-
ed is she can do all the things her
mother won't let her when she isn't
When a man wants to sleep late in
the morning all his children seem to
think they were born to be alarm
clocks.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01

The railroads refused to give re-
duced rates for the Salina chautauqua,
and yet La Toilette was not billed for
the Salina assembly this year Can
NOT the railroads appreciate q favor?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01

A Pennsylvania girl who was in the
same boat with an idiot of rocking
proclivities, chucked him overheard.
We trust a suitable monument will be
erected for the Pennsylvania heroine
without waiting for her to die. and
that she will also be given a large as
sortment of choice medals.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01

Taft is going to circumnavigate the
globe and visit a lot of European capt.
tails. But Foraker and Fairbanks
are content to let him have all the
delegates from st. Petersburg and
Berlin
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01

Down at Girard. the home Of the
Appeal to Reason. man was hired to
fire a cannon every fifteen minutes
from midnight until daylight in cele-
bration of the acquittal of Haywood.
And the law-abiding citizens who
Earted to sleep had to stand il.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01

big navy is a good thing to have
around the place to keep house with.
and as long as we can afford one. why
not have It?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01

The government has begun action
against the powder trust. Evidently
the senator from Delaware, who hap
pens to be president of the powder
trust, isn't making good at protecting
his concern
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01

The country is doing very little
kicking about the Haywood verdict.
Once in awhile some extremist
screams about it, but the people as a
rule have put their o. K. on the opin-
ion OF the Jury.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01

= There was an election in the Philip
pines Tuesday. If we hear shortly
rumors of repeaters and charges of
fraud from Manila. we will know that
the Philippines are becoming qualified
for self-eovernment
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01

Every litsle while some reformer de-
clares war on the Deekaboo waist. but
II is noticeable that the peekaboo style
holds it's own at this time of year.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01

Evidently North Carolina doesn't
believe in the doctrine of notification
to the extent of allowing a federal
Judge TO nuIIify its 2 Il cent fare law.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01
KANSAS cOMNENT
THE STEAL TRUST.

The government is said to be plan
nlng TO go after the steel trust. Dis
trict Attorney Heney of San Francis
co ought to be engaged for the work.
He has just succeeded in disrupting
a steaf trust in his home city
Hutchinson News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01

Coney Island Is not as anxious for a
hot old time as it was. 1t had one a
few nights ago when seven blocks of
its alleged amusements burned.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01

The Bashi-Bazouks are helping the
Turks fight the Greeks. Sounds like
comic opera.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01

Who said it was hot in Kansas
Look at this nice, summer-resort
brand of weather We have been hav-
ing this week.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01
A DEMONSTRATIONS.

Anyway, there are a lot of people
In europe and Asia who know now
that Uncle Sam has fleet of eighteen
nrst-class battleships, who didn't know
IL three weeks ago. That is worth
50 metning.-Colorado Springs Ga
zette.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01
LOOKING AHEAD.

If boy could look ahead 80 years
ana see two men, both his possible fu-
lure seif-one gentlemanly, educated
ana INDUSTRIOUS; the other vicious, ig
norant and idle. it would help him in
making some of the choices that are
coming up to him every day.-Jewell
Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01

Senator Foraker's pronounced OPP
position to the secretary of war will
dnfuse new life into the Taft boom.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01

| II we can save the corn crop about
9vice more in the next four weeks, al
Twill be well.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01
HANG TT

IF we have war with Japan, will we
quit using Japanese lanterns on our
lawns?" asks the Topeka State Journal.
What, pray, could be more significant
of contempt than Hanging a Japanese
lantern?-Leavenwortn Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01

If Haywood will now lead the lif
of a desirable citizen, it will go IA
towards retrieving the past.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01
MAYOR GREEN

Mayor William Green of Topeka is adj
vocatfng adopting the commission sys-
tenn of city government soon enough to
cut his term as mayor short one year.
Being an honest man, Mayor Green has
found that the job of being mayor of
Topeka doesn't pay.-Lawrence World.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01
AS uSIrAI.

Despite the mild winter, the late
spring, the dry weather, the rains and
ises to give a very satisfactory account
OF herself this year.-Kingrnan Leader.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01

/ BY the way, has anyone heard OF
6ne Leslie NJ. Shaw recently?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01
TWO PER CENT.

Two per cent is the new name for it.
in the same old way, and has the same
old effect, on the same man who takes
it.-Snith County Pioneer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

The State Journal is a member of the
Associated Press and receives the full day
telegraph report of that great news or
SANITATION for the exclusive afternoon
publication in Topeka.
The news IS received In The State Jour
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01
just e Hint.

The manager of a shipyard is re-
ported to have assem- bled his men to-
gether in the time office and told them
to vote in municipal election as they
pleased. 'tIn fact, shan,t tell you how
I am going to vote" ne said, "but af-
ter it is all over shall have a barrel
of beer brought into the yard"
("Hear, heart" shouted the menu
But 1 shan't tap it unless Mr.. Blank
gets in."-Argonaut
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01
Repartee.

Many brief and telling replies are
laid to the account of Douglas Jerrold
1t will suffice to recall one '"What Is
going on?" said a bore, stopping Jer-
rold on the street. 81 am" and the
speaker suited the action to the word.
Akin to this was the answer of John
wesley to the clustering swaggerer
who pushed against him on the path
with the insulting remark: II never
make way for fool" ST always do"
said Wesley, quietly stepping aside and
then placidly pursuing his way. A
similar anecdote is told of Lord Kitch-
ener of khartum, who, while walking
in st. James Park, was accosted by
an effusive stranger who grasped his
hand and said: Hello, Lord Kitch-
ener. 1 bet you don't know mel" The
general gazed at him unmoved. "You
win" he remarked, laconically, and
walked on.-Bellman
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01
Slang in Business.

illustrations of the disadvantage of
cultivating local vernacular and slang
in ones language are sometimes
brought sharply home to business men,
as was the case in a letter received
the other day by a New York firm
from one of their correspondents in
the Far East, which read in part as
follows:
''Will you kindly send us a modern
dictionary of American language, as
we are unable to understand some of
the phrases in your letters. Writing
on the til ultimo you say, for in
stance: Do not let Messrs. -
hand you a lemon in this deal. If
they try it on, pitch one for fair right
over the plate to Mr.. and
If he foozles cable for a solar
plexus' The terms used are foreign
to us and we entirely fail to compre-
bend their significance" -Shipping IL
Illustrated.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-01
THE FORCE OF EXAMPLE.

Vestryman August Belmont urged
the members of his church to give uI
some of their expenditures for pleas.
ure in order that they might be able
to raise the insufficient salary of theil
clergyman. After which Mr.. Belmont
departed for Europe regretting thai
other expenditures made it impossible
for him to contribute to that good
cause.-Pittsburg Dispatch.