The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-05-26
CREATES FUN With
AUTO SUGGESTIONS
Illinois Legislator Amuses
Members With Burlesque
Amendments.
Tribune Special sportine Service


SPRINGFIELD, ILL.,, May 25.-
Beyond shadow Of a doubt. John
r. Robinson Of Farmer City, owner Of
Wayne car and wagonload of gen
uine humor, was the star variety per-
former of the last Illinois Legislature.
When the automobile bill came up for
consideration recently Representative
Robinson sent up series Of amend
mcnts which, as contribution TO the
wit and humor columns, outshine any
last session. when the board of trade
bill was riddled by a burlesque amend
ment asking that all small poker
games be suppressed and the big games
be permitted TO operate as brokerage
in celluloid chips
This is the way in which the legisla-
tor and Wayne owner wishes all mo-
torists to be regulated:
Section ]. In case a farmer s horse
will not pass a machine, the autoist will
take his car apart and conceal the
parts in the grass,
Sec. .. All autoists will wear dis
gulses. ladies will go yelled, and num-
bers will be placed upon machines up
side down.
Sec. 3. In approaching curves. auto
lists will take the horn and 60 ahead on
foot, sounding it one minute and lis"
tening the next.
Sec. 4. In case of being called names,
the autoist will pay no attention unless
he is called mollycoddle, - in which
case he shall pay his fine for assault.
Sec. .. Speed on country roads will
be limited to ten miles an hour until
the tourist sees bailiff who does not
appear TO have had a drink in thirty
mitted 10 make all the speed he can.
Sec. s. In case of break down. the
autoist Will have his machine out Of
the road and cover it with grass and
brush, In order that no horse shall take
fright pending repairs.
See. Z. In case the autoist hears d
farmer returning from town on Satur-
day night uttering whoops and bounc-
ing his end gate in such a manner that
it can he heard mile distant, the ma
chine shall be turned and sent over the
back track al full speed until the driv-
er passes a house where bare-armed
lady carrying a club is hanging on the
front gate, looking down the road to-
ward town
Sec, s. When wagon is sighted
ahead the autoist Will stop his machine
a half mile distant, approach with ci-
gars, a bottle. and white flag, and In
case the man on the seat remains cold
the autoist will signal the driver. who
shall approach with a hand painted
mirror for the wife and TOYS for the
children, and in the event that none OF
these avail, the autoist shall return
TO the machine and start ahead at full
speed and tilt and kill as many of the
contents of the wagon as is consistent
with the horsepower of the machine.
Sec. Q. The touring machine shall
change color with vegetation, accord
ing 10 the season. in order that the
may be rendered as inconspicuous as
possible, During April and May they
shall be green. to match the grass, in
June they shall be golden to match the
wheat; In July and August they shall
be pale gray. TO match the dust that
covers everything in the country; in
September they shall be green again, to
match the corn; in October they shall
he red, to match the pumpkin, and in
December white. to match the snow.
The reading of the amendments was
punctuated with outlaws from all parts
of the chamber, and when they were
put they were carried with roar, but
Speaker Shurtleff thought the fun had
gone far enough and declared them lost,