The Washington herald., 1907-03-31
We use our language puzzingiy;
lt's odd the way We do IT,
Pie story sas quite dry. We say.
But still Wade1 through il. !"

Eighteenth street matrOn, "A visitor from
Mars would be a deal more likely TO get
an accurate impression of humanity. If
women had started 1t first, we'd hear OF
what d puzzle man is-he's really a lot
more difficult to understand than wom-
an-and we'd hear that man and not
woman is the bond slave of convention
ality. The hot spell proved that. I was
going downtown with nay husband the
hottest afternoon, and we had the usual
discussion, when I asked him to fasten
the buttons on the back Of my blouse. He
began. as usual. by asking why on earth
] didnt have 1t buttoned in front, and, as
usual. I answered that ali the lingerie
waists were made like mine. Then he
said it was d silly fashion, and that II
he We're d woman he wouldn't be a sheep
and follow a senseless leader-no, indeed:
he'd wear exactly what he pleased and
not go on being bothered by buttons just
because a few cOngenijal idiots set a TOM
fool fashion. However, he got the but
tons fastened finally, and then he began
TO complain Of the heat.
shant mind IT,. ] said. I'm not
going to wear a coat, and I'm going TO
put on my straw hat Why don't you
wear your Panama? I had 1t cleaned and
blocked last week.
HE looked at me with the look a hus-
band always puts on when his wife's
feOIishness is past the power OF words
to express.
I'd look nice, wouldn't l. in a Pan
anna IN March, he said, sarcastically-
Nobody ever wears one before May. I'd
be a pretty spectacle. wouldn't T.
I'VE didn't speak al the way down
town, just because said-well just re-
peated E7hat he'd said to me-"
The feeling the average woman has for
furs must be something deeper than
liking. Perhaps it Is an instinct, the
qualification Of an atavistic taste. the
raee-old memory of a time when the cave
woman dressed in skins At any rate. it's
something one can't explain. One might
fancy that in this climate, furs being
Injuries and not necessities, no woman
would chose to announce her poverty by
wearing imitation ernline and near-mink.
She could be quite as comfortably clad
without a notified and dingy wisp Of fur
about her neck. And even If cold weather
did seem 10 call for furs, one would fancy
that the first warm day would make her
discard her pretense of ruXuTy. but 1t
doesn't. ! saw woman one day last
week IN a dainty and diaphanOus shirt
waist. and about her shoulders lay a fur
scarf that / could duplicate myself II I
had two dead cats and a box OF paints
But for the fur she would have been
we'll dressed. What obscure instinct
moved her ! know not but / do know
that the less severe the climate OF any
of our cities, the more imitation super
fluous furs one sees. Old San Francisco
was fairly rabbity with cheap furs, and
shls years Mardi Gras at New Orleans,
with weather like an average June here,
brought out tons of muffs and bOas that
masqueraded p!tifully, forgetting the
honest raccoons and rabbits on which
they grew. one doesn't see imitation furs
in Winnipeg, nor in Montreal. but South
en cities are fairly disfgured with them
Talking about the South. I met a man
the other day who has just returned from
there with one Of his fondest illusions
shattered. He has rather a clever knaez
at singing coon songs, and one Of his
favorites has been a ditty which referred
10 the oPossum as the ne plus ultra Of
negro gastrcnOmic delight. He says he
sang it at negro school he visited down
I'm Mississippi and 10 his surprise it failed
to elicit any expressions of delight After
negroes whsthsr they were not pleased
with the song.
THE song was very fine. sir" the
spokesman of the group answered, but
you all from the North don't understand
what a 'pOssum IS He amt fit TO eat.
He's a buzZard on four legs. He'll eat
anything worse than a buzzard Will
Coon, now, is pretty good eating. but no
body what knows anything would touch
'possum."
And all the group concurred. 'Possum,
they all agreed, was UNIT fer food. It
may have been merely a local prejudice,
or II may be that the writer's of coon"
songs don't know much more about the
negro than they did when they used 10
insist on ''massa" as word IN use in
the South.
I'd Ike. by the way. to have some one
tell me the derivation of the word
'Hoosier." Indianians don't mind being
called HOosiers any more than nlinoisans
object TO being termed suckers" and
never met man from Indiana who didn't
assure me that the word was a corruption
of the question who is you?" the "Qui
vive" of the early settler. In New Or
leans 'HOosier' is almost as much a word
OF insult as "Hessian" is in some parts
Of Virginia. There's small choice be-
tween 'Hoosier" and poor white trash.
The word is differently used in Southern
Mississippi If you ask a Biloxi man
whence he came and he answers. "Oh, I'm
a real H0osfer, you are not TO understand
that he came from Indiana He means
merely that he was born and brought up
In Southern Mississippi and he fancies
the word is a corruption OF Cherokee orr
gin. It's rather unusual for a word to be
a term OF reproach in one place and a
thing TO be proud OF in another place
not thousand miles away, and I wish
somebody would tell me how "Hoosier''
came TO mean two things. or one thing,
even, for that matter.
There's something uncanny about
woman who telegraphs instead Of writ
ing says woman I know. 1T isn't
feminine TO use ten words when you can
Just as well use thousand. not to men
tion the difference in cost. might have
known I ought TO beware Of Betty. for
she's taken to telegraphing. but I didn't
think Of It till too late Ever since she
went 10 Texas to live she's been the worst
possible correspondent. She sends me a
telegram about four times a year, but
never a letter. She asked NE to visit
her. and she put her invitation into ten
telegTaphed words. 1 went down In Janu-
ary and found her just about as she used
to be when she lived here-except for the
telegraphing habit She was devoting
herself 10 the finest rose garden in Texas,
and to visiting forlorn sick people. just
as she did up here. Most Of the time
was staying with her we were driving