Connecticut western news., 1907-02-07
UNCLE EZRA PERKINS
REPORTS A POMP0ONICK LAWSUIT

hMirandy's Advice - The Hard-shell
 Baptistsm-A Charge of Larceny
 -Bill was no Gosling-A Few Post
 scrips.
 MIR. EDIToR:-
 Well, I see you didn't land that shirt makin' place you wuz after. sez to Mirandy, sez l. when I fust heered of it, "They never kin git it in the wurld. The phases whe ie a hundred wirnin iz a settin' eround and a wantin' to make shirts iz mity skurse and Canaan hai mt one o'them plases."
 "That may be so," sez Mirandy, ''but they done jest rite down there Ill maxim a try fer it. Fokes what don't try don't never know what they kin do. ,And they don't want to be gittin' diskefidged. You know the poet sez; If you don't make it out the fust time gotat 1t agin' or suthin like that"
 didn't know that any poet had sed that but I presume Mirandy knows whether he did or not
 Susan Johnson from our place was i'm stendin' to go down and make shirts when she fust herd about it, in fact guess she sent her name to some feller down there, becuz she sed. that the Pom poonick sowin' sassiety, what haint got only about ten or a duzzen members ,wuz the best phase she ever heern of fer gittin' hold of the news and what must it be when there wuz a hundred wirn min a sowin'.
 Mirandy told her she wood find them hundred wimmen woodn't hev much time fer gabblin' if they expected to hew ennything in their pay envelopes at the lend of of the week.
 When Susan found this out, she said she didn t much care whether the factry kum CT not.
 But you fokes down there jest keep a wiggin'. Perhaps if you can't get a shirt -factry, you kin find suthin7 else jest az good, same's us up here when we wanted to start a Presbyterian Cherch. Tried like Sam Hill to get one and coodmt. Then we changed our tackticks, as the feller sed, dropped Pressby and set out hot and heavy along the line ov hard-shell Bap- tistism. And we cum out top O the heep that time and hev got az nice cherch .and az intecested congregation as you ever seen. Had a dukkin' set down fer last Sunday but it wuz so all-fired cold nobody showed up, got cold feet, Bub sed. If they didnzt they wood hev he'd arter beein' sozzled eround in that creek
 must tell you bout law trial we hed up to thetxown hall 'tother day A sneak thief walked up to Sile Holcomb's house few evenin's before, raised the winder, reached in 'hiz hand and stole Sile's best bootssghat wuz settin' jest where he cood reech em handy. Sile, he cum roundr the korner ov the house from the woodshedl jest in time to ketch him at it. He grabbed him, took the boots away from him and termed him over to Ez. Twombly, him that iz con- stable, you know. Ez put him into the lookup till next mOrnin' and then we he'd the4ial. Hez >Nasby's boy, Bill, what went away to- school, kum back and hung out his, shingle as lawyer, wuz engaged to defend the feller. Squire Haslains, what hez practiced law here fer forty years had -Sile's side ov it and ..when he got threw tawkin they I,aI ghost ov ashow fer to git rthe thief off. MAen squire, Haskins sotdown, Bill got up and kommensed to argify. He klanrned that the man koodn't be called burglar. becuz if what they klaimed wuz Apoo, he ,heGden't he'd aothin' but lais arnn in the house, konse2kwently it woodnat be fare to send his hslll boddy to jale and he moved that the sfeller be let go. Jake. Snodgrass, whatEtez been jestioe fer 20 years or more enahe wuz sprised to know that a feller what he'd ben to law skool and got his sheepskin didn't hey sense enuf than to know better than to put up sech a fool argy ment as that. ~but'', sez Jake, with sort ov I've-4ot- -you-now smile, sIIl take you at yonr word, find that arm guilty ov larcensy and I'll sentense tito the county jale for three months. The prisoner can go with the arm or not az he sees fit. :"
 believe if you foaes down to Canaan had been issenin' you cood hev herd us fellers laff at that young lawyer. He waited until we he'd laffed all we wanted to, then he sez, kind O impressive like: "We accept the verdict without protest. ' Then what do you think he dun? Well, he inst walked over to the prisoner and helped him unscrew his cork arm, which he laid on the liable in front of Jake and he and the prisoner walked out. We'll, say, MT. Editur, a more snrpriseder lot O folks than we was you newer saw We didn't do no laffn' then. We coodn't.