The Elbert County tribune., 1907-08-01
HIS PREHISTORIC
MAJESTY
Topics OF the Tines Discussed

Doc, said the prehistoric king to
his surgeon general, whom he had
summoned to his past grand Worship
full presence. what's gnawin' the peo-
pie of this realm? What kind of a
bug have they got now. huh ?"
The physician stood a moment be-
tween fear and perplexity.
Il don't quite comprehend the ma
ture of your majesty's Interrogation"
he ventured at last TO observe.
What's that? You don't careen to
my George Ade breeze? Your balloon
jib don't fill to my jabber gust, heh?
My advanced-thought air currents pass
over your mental topgallant, do they?
Well, I'll see If can yank them down
to level with your bilge-water intel
lect. What / want to know is, what
the dickens ails my people? Half of
'em are so dumnation good that they
give me the saccharine sickness. When
they come into my royal presence they
make me feel as II / had eaten 80
charlotte russes in 80 minutes.
After four minutes with one OF
these human cream puffs the other
day hustled out to the kitchen for a
the rest of my people are SO thunder
in bad there's no gettin' along with
'em at all. Seems as If the very diel
was in 'em and they were glad of it.
To be sure, they're something of an
improvement on those animated me-
ringue puddings that constitute the
other half, but their everlasting ras-
cality becomes irksome when you
have to wallow through it eight days
In the week.
Now, then, Doc, it's up to you to
peek into the pack and get wise as to
why peopls amt built on less monot-
onous lines Why did l pay 75 hard
earned bucks to run up through med
ical college in GO days and buy you a
diploma printed in a dead and buried
language? What do / give you your
clothes and keep for If it amt to have
you cure me of that tired feeling my
ornery subjects give me?
DO you savvy what I'm driving at?
l want you to get spurt on you and
find out how to make folks scrt up a
little evener; and I'm in hurry about
it, too"
y think l perceive" said the physi-
clan, backing to the doorway, where
he gracefully salaamed.
Thereupon his majesty kicked him
out and slammed the door, the while
he chuckled merrily to himself for
that he had performed an exceeding
meritorious pun.
The next day the surgeon begged
audience of the king. saying that he
bai ha Of ba
and was prepared to make his report.
Let 'er flicker" the king command.
ed, seating himself upon the arm of
his throne and drawing his purple robe
about his bare legs. for the spring was
shy and backward that year.
Your majesty the physician be-
gan, 81 find the diathetic conditions of
your people to be both pathological
and"
Come off," the king interrupted.
You talk like a subway engineer.
Who knows what the deuce it means?"
Il find" the doctor began again.
that the trouble with your people is
in their blood. Some of them have
only white corpuscles, and this makes
them rather too good, while the rest
them rather too bad. If may venture
suggestion, your majesty"
Hold on! Do you venture 1t as a
physician or as member of the board
of estimator"
AS physician. your majesty"
Very well, then; go ahead
Il would suggest that you Issue a
royal ukase commanding the good and
the bad people of the realm to inter
marry. This would bring about a COM
mingling of the two kinds of blood,
and in a few generations you would
have race In which good and bad
would be pretty evenly distributed in
each individual"
There you co. shouted the king.
81 was afraid you we're going to talk
like board member. Dye think IND
going to wait several generations for
this new order of things? Dye think
I'm goin' to deal four aces to posterity
and take pair O. deuces for myself?
Not much. Mary Ann, I'm out for the
joyous Now with a cap N. Me for the
gladsome present, the feeting Already
Yet. Look here, You trot out your
contraptions for bleeding folks and ger
busy. Just draw half the blood out
of the good people and half out of the
bad people, and swap 'em over. savvy?
want you to pump half white blood
into the strenuous ones and half red
blood into the mollycoddles, and strike
and average. See?"
But both sides will object to that.
your majesty"
Let 'em object. If you're so mealy
about it you can stick up signs in the
street. telling 'em it amt your doings-
Lay it off on me if you like but get a