The daily Alaskan., 1907-05-20
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Meteorological Paradox.
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LGFlglnlal l once knew a quartet composed ot the funniest people you ever saw in | your life. They weren't four men or ! four women nor two men and two wO. men, but three men and a woman.
 Each of the three men was funnier | than the other two, and the woman was funnler than the three men to- | gether. You should have seen her. l One eye was turned up at an angle of l twenty-five degrees. the other down at an angle of thirty She ldlOOk serious and sympathetic out of the one eye and hystericauy diabolical out of the other. She had a ravenish CrOak and sweet melody in her voice, so that no Oue could tell whether she meant to be ! pleasant or dlsagUeeable. Sometimes she would say pleasant things to you
 looking at you with her sympathetic eye and sometimes say diaboliCul things looking at you with her sympathetic eye. So nobody ever knew what she was driving at.
 The first of the three men was Mir. Bantam, husband of the above dcscrib- ed lady. Everybody said the name was very appropriate, for Mr. BQntam's face wore the perpetual grin Of ban fam rooster. Next came Mir. Guyer. a theoretical mathematical prodigy. Like Sir Isaac Newton. who made a large and a small hole in his door for h!s big and little eat to come through, Guyer didn't Stoop to consider petty Contrlvances. He once had an alarm clock which failed to wake him mp in the morning. Somebody finally called his attention to the fact that 1t hadn't any bell. The third man was MT. Mer ryweather. a "real noble, good man, as one of his women friends express cd lt. Indeed, he was so good and no- ble that he couldn't conceive Of any one beIag wicked. And thereby hangs this tale.
 One Sunday morning MeTrywcather and Guyer went to see NIr. and Mrs. Bantam. who were at church. The two ueu sat on the yeranda waiting tlIt the services should be over and the couple. recharged, like an electric auto. mobile. with goodness, should return. The weather was beJwiNt and be tween. and when Merryweather said It was warm Guyer who was great dlsputsut. declared 1t was cold. Pres ently Mr. and Mrs. Bautam returned, Mrs. Bantam welcoming Guyer with her sympathetic eye and Merrywcurh- CT with her diabOIic eye, theu passing Into the house. The dispute about the weather was referred to Bantam, who concluded to refer 1t to the thermome- ter, which he brought fyom the house He showed it to Merrywe0ther who was surprised to see a record of go de grees. He was much pleased to be win dicated, but hadn't expected so tr.um phant a Tindicarion.
 Then Mrs. Bantam came out and. re- gardiug her husband and Guycr with her sympathetic eye and the gUud Mir. Nerrywearher with her diabol.c eye, made some modest remarks nn the weather herself in which she main. talued that 1t was growing colder After having established her Fo.ur, at least with Bantam and Guyer-Mrs. Bantam always established her point; people were afraid that if they dis. agreed with her she would bring her dIabOIIc eye on them-she went back Into the house with tue thermometer.
 Presently Bantam went inside to get the thermometer again. and when he brought lt out 1t had fallen 20 degrees. Merryweatler couIdn' understand how so decided 8 change should have Oc- cured in so short a time without his feeling it. Guyer suggested that there was something the matter with him. AIerryweatupr was frightened. He thought he had better go h3me.
 Mrs. Bantam came out again, bring ing the thermometer with her and sug- gesung that something must be the matter with it. It had gone mp again. This reassured NerryweatlIar. who was of too sweet a disposition to speak hIg thoughts. which were thst Mrs. Ban tam had probably read the scale first with her lower. then with her upper eye. But ns there were 45 degrees be. tween the two eyes rhts didn't explain the smaller difference. However, inc decided to wait awhile before conclud- ing thot he had chills and fever. The consequences might have been averteG had not Bantam handed round a stjm, ulaut. A few minutes after Merry weather had drained his glass Mrs. Bantam came out with the thermome ter again standing at 60 degrees. Then AIerryweather was sure he had the fever Of pneumonia. A sympathetic curve appeared, on the left hand corner or Mrs. Bautam's mouth as she re- marked that 1t came on that way.
 Merryweathcr was helped into the house and placed on a lounge. Occa- slouaIly he would resume a normal bodily temperature. but whenever he did so one of hIs three friends would show hlm a thermometer antipOdal to bis condition. If the mercury stood low when he was hot he thought he was In fever If lt stood high when he was cool he assumed that he had chill In this way his loving friends