davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29
JAYH1 WKER JOT.S

A Sterling woman scores first with
1907 chickens. She has a brood two
! weeks old.
How asks the Lindsborg Record.
| would you like to be country editor
in Persia and have to publish the card
of thanks signed by the 500 widows of
the late lamented shah?''
| Glasco was looking for gas and
| stumbled on to thirty-irch vein OF
! coal. Coal is good in it's way, but 1t
| won't dig itself and feed itself into the
stove and put the lamps out of bust
ness.
Those pubfic-spirited Jewell men
| who undertook to run the local coal
mine in order to build up a home in
dustry and furnish the town with
mine into the ground.
Mack Gretchen: We have noticed
that no matter how poorgand scrawly
the handwriting 1t always looks pretty
Reform. like charity, should begir at
home, yet every reformer has a burn
ing desire to try his theories on the
other fellow.
The way Farmer Snyder does it, as
told in the bingham New Leaf: &C.
N. Snyder brought his big bobsled to
town Friday night and took some of
his relatives out to his home where
he surprised them with an oyster sup
per and then brought them back
home This is what town people call
a real, rare treat"
AS a proof of the benefitssof adTcr-
Using the Douglass Tribune tells this
one: III. D. Olmstead lost gold
watch a few weeks ago. An ad was
placed in the Tribune for 1t and went
forth upon its rescue mission. 1t did
not take long for H.lRs stos secure "a is
watch again. He found It safe and
sound on his own wood Pile where he
had dropped it..
Delphos Republican: We are In
formed that government secret ser
vice man was in town last week ana
assessed fines of $40 each against two
of our citizens who had enclosed writ
ten matter in a package and mailed
it as merchandise. The postal depart
ment is going to put stop to this
practice. so If you have any mind of
enclosing a letter in a package. Just
forget lit will cost you less to pay
postage.
Observations by Will Palmer: After
the devil got Eve he went away back
and sat down. He knew the men
are bad. Boys are always Willing
to take their chances with any con-
tagious disease that, will close the
schools. You never know how
useful your feet are until they both
slip out from under you. .----.. We are
glad to live in a state where all the |
earthquakes are political earthquakes.
The flowers that bloom in the
spring, ira Ia are IlOW
the seed catalogue. -. When a boy |
quits chasing after good time he |
commences to chase after the big iron |
dollar. That keeps him busy all the
rest of his life. Eve found out
what evil was just as the rest of us
do, by taking a bite of 1T Off the tree /
of knowledge, or experience Sin got |
into the world the first time Just as II
did the last time, by somebody who
was free to choose between right and
wrong choosing the wrong
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29

much for ourselves. Let such a sick
man lie here alone for .days-never
come near him, so busy hustling for
the dollars-but all the same. I,anrorl,s
brute. with. less feeling than he,rI
And he thought that Lizzie d-faugh!'l
dzzie-Lizzie Bradley-I
Don't say that, Joe Harris-can'i
you understand, LaSnson Ued!'s--I ,fzzie
Bradley-LamsOn- -
on, never mind mother. he's too
neht-neaded yet, but the fever is cool
ing and the doctor'll be here soon.
LOOK out yonder. Ben's got a crowd.
All right Joe's grainll be in the stack
in short order, and it isn't hurt ye..
not an atom. in spite of Lamson's
know-it-all verdict"
Lizzie Bradley-Larnson-h was hurt
cid Lizzie Bradley-Lamson-N he
wouldn't, wouldn't put out his tongue
1t was too stiff-and big, like his
in his 0pOSH
swallow lido you hear % Some one
snook him slightly, with the order, and
ne swallowed, and griEned and said IL
was DAVIS cough Grops-and it was
Lizzie Bradley-Larnson who--who
made the fire-was that little Sis who
cried out sharply and sobbed? Davy
mustn't hurt little Sis-he, Joe was ali
right, only Lizzie
"Oh. shut up the gruff one COM
fos vn,I I'm the doctor and say
- u W II dilO go TO Sleep.
There was mother again. with the
gourd from the spring and he drank
ana drank till they took it away-anJ
tnen he slid down and down, and out
Darkness H"te'
1t was late. of the next day. the SIM
was sending its last level rays across
the door, when Joe Harris came to
himself and looked about with a calm
ana growing consciousness
There va 70
OF busy machines. Through the open
window he could see his fields sy.ys r,n-
ing with men and teams The food
wagon and eating tent stood back by
the Wen, the important cook bustiihP
over fire. His room was cool and
fresh. Flowers stood upon his little
homemade table, with the doctors
medicine glass;
Bit by bit he studied 1t out and. az
ne recognized Mr.. Bradley and tho
boys and other neighbors and Mrs.
Bradley herself putting his freshly
washed shirts upon the line his eyes
hiled and he murmured a faint "C,od
bless theni!"
At the sound there was a stir nv the
mead OF the bed and a girl with any
ious eyes leaned over him and touched
mis- forehead with a shy, little hand.
he looked at her a moment Then
ne muttered feebly, questfonffigly:
Lizzie BradIey-Lamson?' 20
with rush of tender tears she laid
ner warm, pink cheek against his
murmuring: mo, Joe, dear. no! Liz
z1e Bradley Harris!'-(Copyrigh
lSo1' by F. c. Eastment)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29
GLOBE SIGHTS.
tFrom the Atchison Clio

Iron the Atchison Globe]
A rich candidate is always a prom
Using one to the politicians.
A bad man has great contempt
for the way a good man swears.
There is only one thing to do when
bad luck strikes you: Grin and bear 1t.
Foolish remarks always sound more
foolish when heard through tele-
phone.
The man who quits smoking because
some woman wants him to, always be-
gins again.
Men of letters may be brilliant, but
that is more than can usually be said
for the letters of men.
When some men put a quarter In
the collection basket, it gives them
feeling of being real sporty.
A drunk mans funny stories are
like a practical joke: No one enjoys
them but the perpetrator.
Absence makes the heart grow fond
er. all right. II money happens to be
the object of your affections.
A woman's mo- means mo" all
right when she vetoes her husbands
suggestion to have company at dinner.
The horses that stand out in the
streets in cold weather without blan-
kets are usually tied in front of sa-
Ioons.
If farmer boys ever get wise to the
proper use Oh lACy Will
use them to prevent traffic in grind
stones.
The army is about to adopt tea as a
beverage instead of coffee Then they
should equip the soldiers with fans
and silk parasols.
The man who tells the funniest
jokes can not always make his listen
ers laugh. but the man who brags
never fails to draw a smile.
Mrs. Lysander John Appleton will
entertain next week, at which time
she will give a prize to the woman who
can tell the ingredients in a salad she
will serve. Another prize will be Civ
en- to the one guessing nearest what
the party cost her. and what her hus-
hand said about II.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29
HUMOR OF THE DIP

She-That Mr.. Planz, the architect hos
Iunny way of pronouncing. things
haSn ne? Hell haven't noticed it.. She
Why. yes. Didn't you hear him al1nde
TO sore throat She-Yes 1 heard him
mention gargoyle several times. We al
ways can 1t gargle, you know.-C.Ieye-
land Plain Dealer
The Fateful Letter-"GeorRe sbarnIx,
demanded Mrs. Ferguson. as they sat NJ
oreaktast a few mornings ago, what did
you 40 with the letter to Aunt Rachel 7
day?" i"S' "eohes-
MI: Ferguson clapped his hand on the
bune. ~ LII
s 1fs ,s5a- E4z4 gey5 fit .-.,4
lido you walk to and from your business
LOT exercise?'' MOI, walk for rest
" men want exercise, 1 ride and hahR
onto the straps w ashington Star
John, said the woman with nine cha
NY NY DEAR expostulated her husband,
that Is the last straw" IT know If, .
sne SAID Just from Paris. Life.
Hostess-Good-by darling. So sorrv
nurse has come for you. I hope wi s.ld
Monty have enjoyed yourselves? D1-.,1@
THANK you. Mother says we've enisTrd
ourselves very much.-Punch.
How do you think your Constituent.
VIII regard your Views on this sure %
my, MY GEAR sir, answered Senator Sorg-
num- II they are unintelliRfble AZ
have tried to make them. my constituents
won understand them any more than 7
DO Washington Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Don't fuss because eggs cost three
cents apiece. Up in Alaska they are
worth five dollars a dozen.
q -.
1t has been some time now since any
second rate actress got her name into
the papers by denying that she is en-
gagged to Teddy, jr.
That menu for the Kansas Day BAN
quet sounds good. but some people will
insist on being skeptical until they get
1T eaten.
Speaking of car shortages, Carr Tay-
Tor has also been lost in the shuttle.
80
The protest against the production of
'Salome'' in New York appears to have
been effective. The box office receipts
are tremendous.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29
QUAKER 1srrrrcr1oxs
IRON the Philadelphia Recol

lFrom the Philadelphia Record
On the tented ZELDA circus
Some people don't believe all they
hear, even when their conscience tells
it to them.
Some fellows not only neglect to paw
their bills. but they don't even pay ar1y
attention to them. s
Fat Lady-"The lion tanner sleeps In
the cage with his lions" Living
Skeleton-''Y Yes. 1 imagine he's afraid
to go home to his wife,
De Tanque-''When get home I'll
have to tell my wife I've been sitting
up with friend" O'Soaque-"So
will I. Barkeep, set 'em up again"
We'll" remarked the friend of the
bride, do you md married life to be
what 1t is painted?" mo, indeed"
exclaimed the bride. at is delightful.
Are you in favor of this spelling
reform 2" asked the mere man. "No."
emphatically retorted the literary per
son. at will pretty near put me out
of business. 1 am writer of dialect
stories"
Mrs. Buggins-"I am sorry to hear
your husband is dead, Aunt Dinah.
What did he dies of" Aunt Dinah-
"Ah RELY don't know" Mrs. BuRgins
-"Goodness! Couldn't the doctor tell
your" Aunt Dinah--~Ah didn't have
no doctah- He 5es' died a natch'raI
DEATH"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29

in Minnesota against the Great North
ern new issue. Such opposition seems
to be inspired by no consideration for
public good but purely as an exhibition
of the general spitefulness of the pack,
biting at the heels of pursued corpora
tions.''
hat is the way Wall Street looks at
it. and that is why Wall street and cor
porations generally do not regard Pres
ident Roosevelt as a safe man. Per-
haps the rest of us would feel that way
about it If our interests were being at
tackled AS it is. the people rather like
the president, even If the corporations
don't.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29
REFLECTIONS OF a BAcHELo1.
( From the New York Press.l

From the New York Press.
Sometimes women play cards at a
card party II there is nothing to talk
about.
A woman seems to be afraid that If
she wears anything on her feet and
chest she might catch cold.
The more a man curls his mustache
the more he seems to think 1t takes
the place of brains.
The reason girl can fool her moth
err so easily Is her mother. used to do
the same things herself.
When a girl says a man never kissed
her it's a sign If he had she would not
think of mentioning It.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29

. Secretary Wilson'S proposal seems to
open the way to radiance of the an
nual free seed distribution by congress.
although 1t would restore and amplfy
the useful purpose out of which that
notorious abuse has grown. The plan
of Secretary Wilson provides a positive
remedy in the shape of a rational sub
stitute. whereby the quarter of mill
lion dollars now annually wasted would
be employed under direction of the ag-
ricultural department and not as at
present under n congressman's clerk
in the development of the most perfect
seed and its apportionment to persons
and localities where it would accom-
plish the maximum of good, all under
system of strict supervision and re-
acknowledgements Bee.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29
The Innuisitiye Child.

She was reading a paper before the
Mothers club.
And here 1 will insert" she said,
half a dozen questions of the sort my
little boy asks me every night before
he falls asleep.
why does Santa Claus give chill
dren skates when there amt any ice :?
"sWhen I drink water, why won't 1t
run down into my legs?
rs 1t his very best medicine that
the druggist has in them big green and
blue bottles?
"Why is it I breathe out smoke
when I'm cold, and not when I'm
warm?
"'Who cooked dinner when all the
big felix's was little boys?' "-Ex-
charge.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29
ETERNAL FITNESS.

Twas natural that in the spring
He gave her an engagement ring.
Beneath the summers sunny bliss f.
How proper to give him kiss.
When fall winds shook the acorn's cup
She, also, fifty, blew him UP.
And at the Wintry Ice Kings shout
She genuinely froze him out.
When February's. mood she saw
There was, of course. the usual thaw.
And then, as came the second spring,
They married. Quite a springliks thing
New York Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29

Henry Allen has evidently disposed
of his congressional aspirations also
and will become sort eof newspaper
octopus all by himself.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29

: Kansas isn't the only state that suf
fers because wrong impression has
gone out to the world about it The
impression is common that every resi-
dent OF Kentucky takes his straight
and lots of it, yet more than half of
the counties of Kentucky are dry
communities.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29

1t is no great wonder that congress
IS against the reelection of President
Roosevelt. If he had another term to
serve he would become such an adept
at writing messages that he would
keep congress working nights and
without any vacation, to keep up with
him
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29

he says wages are too high. Perhaps
the esteemed chancellor was thinking
of himself as belonging among the
laboring men. M
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29

Two years ago now tn Standard
Oil company was being taken by the
throat and compelled to be good"
Very likely the Standard is duly CRATE
full to the railroads for attracting at
fention away from its locality this
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29

The "unwritten law" has been work
ed so hard of late that Harry Thaw's
attorneys are afraid 1t will break
down if they too try to climb on it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29

A Paris audience would not allow
certain Egyptian dance to be repeated
there in a play, but New York protests
and then turns out in large numbers
to see s'Salome"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29

OF course Phil Campbell really
didn't mean it when he moved to
abolish the weather bureau. He just
wanted a chance to advertise Kansas
a little
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29
Building to the Clouds.

II sky scrapers in New York continue
to mount higher each year the resfden-
tfal problem of the city may some time
be met in this way. When 20 stories
told the. height of the highest office
building in the world many people be-
lieved that the limit had been reached,
that climbing skyward had gone as far
as it could. But the present proposition
to build a sky scraper to a height more
than twice as great shows us that in
all probability the end is not even yet
in sight. If the apartment houses could
have as many stories there would not
be so much need to tunnel to Long Is
land and New Jersey to find sleeping
places for business people of New York.
Boston Transcript.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29

It hasn't been so very many years
since Uncle Sam and John Bull would
have shed their coats. rolled up their
sleeves and pounded one another over
the Swettenham affair. The world is
getting better, ali right.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29

The Kansas City Journal does Carr
Taylor the honor of saying he is too
radical as a railway prosecutor. What
sort of a prosecutor would not be too
radical to suit the esteemed Journal?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29

1t won't be long now until the state
will know what members of the house
are consumed withg anxiety to keep
their passes. sGsssssss
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29

The Midwinter fair paid in spite OF
the bad weather. OF course it did
That's the way Ralph Brigham makes
things do
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29

If this thing keeps UP Mr.. Rookie
Teller will have the finest collection of
indictments in America in another
year or two.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29

It looks like w r. Smith is working
extremely hard to allow the railroads
to keep the privilege of giving away
'.courtesies'' in the shape of passes.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29

4 good way to make Republicans
out of Topeka Democrats is to elect
them to the city council.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29

1t doesn't make any difference
whether his name is SwettenIlam Oh
Sweetenham: He is the limit either
way.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29

Unless the car famine is abated it is
possible that the farmers will not get
their granaries empty of last years
wheat crop in time to store the COM
ing crop in It,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29

Pretty soon Mr.. Willis Moore, chief
OF the weather bureau, will be refer
ring to Kansas as part of the Great
American Desert
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29

If the weather bureau were abolish
ed, as Congressman Campbell pro-
posed, what would we do for some
thing to growl at when the weather
doesn't quit us? i ,srfe,, --t.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29

If Oklahoma puts a two-cent fare
provision in it's constitution, will the
railroad lawyers say it is unconstitu-
tionaI?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29

At $1,000 a year it would take a
man 200 years to earn a million dol
lars Looks like the only honest way
to get Million says the Jewell Re
publican, sis to steal it."
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29

It begins to look as though the
country needs two or three crop fail
ures to allow the railroads to catch up
with their business
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29

Chancellor Day points out that the
benencent trusts and corporations are
responsible for the high wages that
~rorkfng men are receiving. In fact
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29
The influence of Environment.

I admit that If 1 had been in Massa-
chusetts 1 would have been in the fed
eral army, and I guess if the senator
from Colorado (Mr. Teller had been
living in my town he would have been
a member of my company. and i am
not at all blaming anybody for the at
titude he took at that time.
Mr.. President, 1 do not want to take
up time, but / happened to be at the
door of the lobby of the senate one
day not long ago. 1t was at the last
session. near the close. There was ex-
Senator Blair of New Hampshire, as
gallant soldier as ever went to the
field, now on crutches as the result of
wounds inflicted by confederate SOL
diers. He was shot three or four times.
He called to me. 1 did not recognize
him on account of my bad sight. We
shook hands. 1 said: What are you
doing on these sticks, Blair?' He said:
You fellows hit me pretty hard three
or four times, and 1t is beginning to tell
on me since I have been getting Old -
He said: did we get your" I said:
''Once; not much He said: Are you
not glad you got it?'' I said: ~ do
not know. I have regretted It," He
said: II am glad 1 was hit" We shook
hands. He said: ANY man who was
worth being hit ought to have been
there either On one side or the other.
If you had been in New Hampshire you
would probably have been in my regi-
ment." 1 agreed that it was a great
deal a matter of environment.-Sena
Money of Mississippi.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS.

Let us hope that the Thaw case will
not be put on the stage at any rate.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29
A THEORY

learned scientist makes the as
sertion that people who drink whisky
simply charge themselves with cleo
tricity. This may account for those
shocking headaches on the morning
after.-Atchison Globe. go
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29
KANSAS COHHEHT
a WOMAN.S "WONT,S."

A woman does not usually have to
stand the things she won't stand"
an ana !! she most always does the things
sacr1f1ces many other considerations to
tnese particular ones. We knew wo-
man who wouldn't stand" tracked
up Kitchen floor. No matter how
drunk her husband was when he came
nome or how much he beat her after
he got in, he would avoid that kitchen
moor like poison till his muddy boots
We're on. We know a woman who just
viii read" the daily paper and one
good maya zine month. Her family
does not always have pie for dinner.
and her pie-baking nefghbor cannot see
know a woman who just will have her
children we'll dressed. Her light is not
always out at o'clock in the evening
nor dark at in the morning, and her
soundly sleeping neighbor does not see
why in the world she cannot get her
own children dressed so we'll. And SO
1t is with everything: What We WILL
we do, though other things may wait
Mrs. Homer Hoch.
THE REASON WHY.
We have just found out why it gets
so plaguy cold long about January
and February. The scientific gentle.
men tell US that the earth really gets
such a small percentage of the heat
that the sun throws off that it is a
wonder we ever have enough to
twenty-five million dollars were made
to represent all the heat that the sun
gives, that the share that reaches this
earth would amount to but two cents.
We can believe such a statement in
January all right. but it would sound
pretty fshy about the middle of Au-
gust.-JeweIl Republican.
VICTOR MURDOCH
Victor Murdoch, in unearthing the |
graft In the railroad pay for hauling |
the mails, has saved the people over |
four million dollars a year. 1t tookal
courage to do it. and he is on the rail- |
road blacklist for it. Whether or not
the people appreciate it and reward |
him for 1T, Is entirely immateriai |
Work like that done by a real man |
carries its own satisfaction.
The mere public approval of such |
an act, or the public reward with that |
approval, is of nc Importance. The i'm |
portant thing has happened when a |
mans soul has grown strong and wise |
enough to do this thing.-Emporia
Gazette.
,i- PRIDE.
When the British colonial office gets
through with HIM Governor Sweeten- /
1am of Jamaica will doubtless have. a i
very keen understanding of the pride
hat comeths before fall,-HutctIin-
ION News. aae-
A THEORY.
A learned scientist makes the as
'ertion that people who drink whisky
simply charge themselves with cleo
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-01-29
SHOVEL SAND.

AS the Cape Cod canal has been I'M
der debate 230 years, the time has ar
rived to drop the subject or shovel sand.
st Louis Globe-Democrat.