The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-08-25

Il am more than ever convinced that /
am the original fall guy. said Johnnie
Burke, as he sank YEARLY into chair,
toying disinterestedly with his cigar. ITS
a funny thing to me that can go a whole
week without having any greater misfor-
tunes than having two teeth pulled and
losing two days on account of sore feet,
and then on my day off to butt into this
line Of bum stunts.
I've always tried to live a quiet and
peaceful life and / believe 1 would be
successful Il il weren't for people cutting
into my affairs all the while. Friday
went out to the lake, and being in a mood
to commune with nature. i hired man
with boat who said he could sail me
over to Antelope island in joyful time.
There was nothing the matter with the
sail. only il took so long.
We'll. we landed on Antelope island all
right and told the man TO wait. When
l got ashore / found that / had plenty
of tobacco and a pipe. but no matches.
saw my boat sailing peacefully away, and
all the shouting / could do didn't reaen
the ears OF the 'longshoreman- l had
half mind to talk to the buffaloes, but
l remembered once, in Flathead lake, In
Montana, tried to talk to one of Charlie
Lizards herd, but he wouldn't listen to me
worth cent.
Il wandered about that island place. ex-
ploring the various things that had been
explored before, sans matches. finally
ran across a Teller who was herding
sheep. Have got match, partner?' l
got mateh?' 4 think my sister has got
a match. | heard my mother talking
about making one for her, but I'm too
sheep 1 says and sat down on n rock to
wait for the boat to come back.
That was about o'clock. The boat
and the bOatman hove in sight, but there
seemed to be something wrong with them.
| When went around on the ether side of
| the horn found out what ii was. 1t was
| a storm. Fine for you, Joe Bush says
/ ,traaaT
some more a whole lot Well, the captain
/ and the crew of that boat. which was one
/ and the same man at last worked his
skiff In so that l got aboard.
| Nice place, Antelope island Hope ye
| enjoyed tn afternoon he says.
Does 1t cost any more for fluctuations
| on this trip? If so, I'd prefer to have
them held over until next week, when
! might be able to pay for them
| When we got back to Saltair my
clothes were wringing wet and | was cold
| and chill, as they say in books l went
| into the dining hall and sat down near
| match. All alone and crying Ike a good
| fellow was baby in one of the swings
/ l didn't want to butt In on the kid, be-
cause l didn't know when its mother dear
might come along. So the kid sang and
! | chartered accompaniment until wo-
man came rushing along with about six
inches Of white petticoat struggling along
out behind the black oVerskirt, towsl9J
hair and waist to match. oh, 90 ootsie
COtsie. ootsie; has mammals darling baby
| been lonesome? He is such a sweetins
| And then l remembered where l had seen
the woman befOre-in the dance hall be-
tore l started for Antelope island. II
that kid has gone without food as long
as l have without MATCH I says to my
| self it's time he's having a feed
| THE woman snatched her baby out OF
the swing and sat down on a seat neal
me Bill was whOOping it up good and
! strong and even Ambrose Bierce's vocab
ulary couldn't have soothed him. The
! woman kept Shaping him on the back
| twisting him around, standing him OF
his head, but Bill was there with the
| voice.
What do you think is the mattel
with the child, mister? asks the woman
Did you ever hear of nature ia
ker% / asks.
.. 'Nacher faker,' she says, innocen
like; no, what's that?
Well l says, If you'd give tina
| baby some milk and make him thinl
it was cucUmbers it would be nature
taking
- You impudent dog she exclaims
how dare you tell me how to raise m!
children?
When 1 got to town 1 met a mai
carrying a dog in his arms
q" What for dog is that% I asks, being
interested in dogs generally and THU
one in particular
| " Fox terrier says the man.
How much did you want for dogg
Five dollars
| well, the deal was contaminated theI
and there, as the fellows say who writ