The Washington herald., 1907-04-28

Wouldn't It be dreadful, remarked
Kitty. swinging her parasol nonehantly
as We strolled down The avenue. If they
should succeed in establishing a College
or Courtshlp in Chicago. as somebody
has been threatening TO do?"
why dreadful?" / inquired mildly
Ticking the curb with nay cane.
kitty flashed nae a scornful glance.
Just fancy a man laying his heart at
your feet according To scientific
method, she exclaimed, and timing his
tender speeches with a stop-watch. and
kissing you according to the hygenic
rules and"
Counting his heart beats or feeling his
pulse or appralsing the tint Of your
bushes while lie tells You he loves y0u-'
I broke in sympatheticalIy.
Yes" agreed Kitty. and quoting his
proposals from copy book and his love
notes from the Lovers Latest Letter
Writer
"Oh, well" I said. consoIngly. II don't
think you need bother about it.?
"Why?" asked Kitty, lifting her lashes
innocently. Don't you think anybody
ever Will propose
II don't thing anybody viii take a
course in the college 1 corrected quick
ly. Counting is like cooking. You've got
10 be born with the knack. It's a gift
Of Providence or Fate, as unaceountable
and iaeXplicable as a straight nose or a
good constitution, and it cannot be cul-
tyated any more than either of them.
1t Is one Of the things in which brains
don't take the prizes and theory doesn't
count.
What does count?" demanded Kitty.
promptly
"Wen-praetice." I replied frankly
"and-"
And if you're born with the knack,
interrupted Kitty, you can't help prac-
tlcing, I-I-suppose."
And If you aren't born with it," re-
joined, you can read Laura Jean Libbey
and g. Bernard Shaw and Ella Wheeler
Wilcox and all the guides to loye-moling
that ever were printed without learning
how TO begin
or where TO stop, inrerpolated Kitty.
or what TO say to a woman"
"Or what not 10 say u man. It's
its just like making batter-cakes."
added Kitty. suddenly.
What"
There isnt any reliable recipe for it,"
she explained. "and you can only ten
whether or NOT you have done it properly
by the way it turns out I've asked
DLnah twenty times how tG mix batter
cakes. but she couldn't even tell me
how much flour or what proportion of
meal OF sugar or salt TO put in. Yet she
can mix the batter with her eyes shut
she says nobody ever taught her, she
just knowed how and then done it,
and she sc0rns "a cook book as Cleopatra
or Nine Du Barry would have scorued
"a Lexicon of Love CIR a treatise on the
art of managing a man"
And, / hazarded TN wager that like
love the oftener she makes them the bet
ter she does IT,"
"Ot course" assented Kitty. And she
says she began making them when she
was old enough TO hold a pan.
we all begin in the kindergarten,
averrad
'NTho--alre" asked Kitty. discomfort
ingly.
"Oh-er, everybody who has the
Enack," i stammered. I've begin by writ
ing Valentines and hanging May baskets
and playing kissing games and cutting
our initials on the trees inside a heart
and finish"
I'VE never finish" broke in Kitty. -lf
we attain any-auy success.
What L exclaimed. Don't You ever
expect TO stop
Not" announced Kitty TRANQUILITY
until my grandchildren refuse TO be made
love to-.
win you please explain"
You can't explain ii" declared Kitty,
"auy more than You can explain why al.
The cieVeresL men get the worst bargains
I'm wives and an the most beautiful women
marry wretchedly, ar why a red-headed
girl with "a turned-un nose and freckles
and q figure like a BARRIERS pole can fasci-
nate every man she meets. while another
woman with "a Greek profile and the lines
of the Venus of Milo sits alone In the par
Tor every evening doing Fancy work"
"Or" ] appended. why man with the
head of an AdOnis and the brains of au
Aristotle is thrown ever by the girl he
loves for some little runt with crooked
legs and an iusiuuauug manner and the
facility for saying sentimental things to a
Woman
And plenty OF practice in c0urtship,
added Kitty.
yet" unused, Ticking my cane
thoughtfuliv. "the Chicago professor pro-
poses To teach men and women how 70
understand one another"
That's the saddest and funniest part of
it.! replied Kitty, with q little gurgle.
How can il De sad and funny at the
same tIme?' ] demanded
Don't you Sec cried Kitty, ''h0w sad
it viii DE fer the man and how funny II
win be for other people, when he wakes
up2
when he-what2"
"Oh, pshaw.' exclaimed Kitty. impa-
uentv. mo man ever duds ont how Htte
lac knows about women untI he marries
one of them And the most awful mis-
take he can make is 10 go headlone into
moTimony, believing he really under
stands the sax and totally unprepared for
the surprises in store for him. There are
just as many kinds of women as there are
kinds OF weather, and every woman has
as many phases as an april day There
nothing SO disappointing as going 20 sleep
on "a perfect night with the stars ehinine
and being walked up by a thunder shower |
The men who really understand women
are those who haven't any theories and
never expect anything but the unexpact- 4
ed who play all the matrimonial tunes
by ear and mix their attitude toward
wife, as Dinah mixes her batter cakes by /
instinct putting in a little sugar or
drop of vinegar. just az the right mo-
mcnt. when it is most needed The man
who enters holy wediocb with "a theory
in his mind is like The man who always
trots around with an umbrella and rubber
overshocs. He is prepared for the worst. (
but he is to0 burdeued down with the
weight of his theories and DIS umbrella I
to enjoy the sunshine. Altrimonv isn't
all storms and il isn't all fair weather. /
and you can no more tell one day what
the domestic atmosphere viii be the next