The independent., 1907-01-31

| d DOllle, III SOlIlc CdScS udT ly Hall lllcu
with brownishyellow flood with bub-
bles on top iv it. What was it, says
ye? Hardened as / am to dhrink iv
ivry kind. / hesitate to mention tn
wurrud. But concealment Is useless.
Twas beer. These brave men en-
ployed by tn taxpayer iv America to
defind tn hearths iy tn taxdodger iv
America, supposed to be all iv us to
have consicrated their lives to uphold
in tn flag, were at heart votaries, as
Hagon says, iv Aloes, gawd iv beer
FIR a moment tn ladies shtud
dumbfounded. But they did not re-
main long in this unladylike attichood.
TIL Chairwoman iy tn obligation re-
covered her voice an advancin' to'rd
a Sergeant who was thryin' to skin
pair iv fours down so that 1t Wud
| look like jack full to his ineebryated
opponent, she said: Me brave man,
dye ralize that that bottle is full ~ Tn
| Seed iv Destruction she says. !
think ye'er wrong, man, says he. lls
Pilsener,' he says. soon or lale, she
says TIL demon rum will desthroy ye,
she says Not me- says tn ycthran ~
thousand enistments. i don't care
f'r rum. pleasant companion. but
gossip. 1t tells on ye. Tn demon rum
with little fv tn demon hot water an
tn demon sugar Is very enticin', put
1t has a perfume to 1t that Is danger
GUS to marrid man like mesilf. KUN,
madam, is an informer. Don't niyer
niver take 1t. 7 agree with Sc that it's
Demon says he. Why said she, 40
We dhrink this dhreadful poison says
she Because says tn brave felioW,
I can't get anything sthronger with
out desertin', he says
"An' they wint down to Washington
to see tn Congressman. Ye know what
Congressman is I've made a rev
right here in this barroom. tn ony
thing a Congressman isn't AFRAID " Is
tn on'y thing Ia be afraid iv, an that
is iv bein' a Congressman. An Tn
thing he's most afraid iv is tn ladies.
A. comfy iv ladies wud make Congress
repeal tn ten commandments. Not that
they'd iver ask thin to- Hinissy.
They'd make thin ten thousand If they
had their way an mark thin: FIR men
on'y But annyhow tn ladies comfy
wint down to Washin'ton. They'd been
there befure an dhriven tn Demon
| Rum firm tn resthrant into lair In
| th' comfy room. A Congressman came
out, coughin' behind his hand, an put
his handkerchief into tn northwest
corner iv his coat. Ladies' says he,
what can ! do fr ye? he says. 'Ye
must save tn ARMY firm tn malt
that biteth like wasp an stingeth
| like an adder says they. 'Ye bet ye'er
| life / will, ladies' says tn Congress-
| man, with slight hiccup. L will do as
We desire. A sojer that will dhrink
beer is a disgrace to tn American jag
he says. We abolished public dhrinkin'
| in tn capitol he says. We done it to
| ha lint
| hardened tools iv predvtory wealth
have ordhered ink wells made in TIL
shape iv decanters. But no says, tn
popular branch iv tn Naytional Lig-
| islachure is not to be cutdone. Ye see
these panels on tn wall? / touch a
button an out pops a bottle iv Bour-
bon that wud make ye'er eyes dance.
! Whoop-ee'
$50 Congress passed a bill abolshin'
| tn canteen. An it's all right now. If
a sojer wants to desthroy himslf he
! has to walk a block. Some iv me en-
! terprisin' colleagues in tn business
! have opened places convenient TO tn
! fort where tn bold sons iv Mars in
stead iv tn corroding beer can get
anything firm sulphuric acid to
! Knockout dhrops. | see wan iv thin
stockin up at wholesale dhrug store
last week. Ii tn sojers escape tn
Knockout dhrops they come down
town an Doherty takes care iv thin.
A sojer gets thirteen dollars month.
We'll say. Twelve dollars he can de-
vote TO dhrink an wan dollar 70 tn
fine. Twelve times eight hundred an
twelve times that-wcll It's no small
item in tn coorse iv year. Whin tn
Binivolent Assocyation iv Saloonkeep-
ers holds It's next meeting I'm goin'
to propose TO sind dillygates TO III
Young Ladies' Christyan Timpranee
Union IL ought 20 bee what tn unions
call an affilyated organization"
"oh. Well" said Mr. ilennessy. they
think they're doin what's right"
"An they ar-re," said MIR Dooley,
''Yell not find me detindin' Ia scllln'
I IL dhrink to amy man anywhere,
There's no wan that's as much lv a
timpranee man as a mans that's been
In my business Or a year ia givs up
all IN fun ! get out iy dhrlnkin man
Ia escape tn thruublo | have firm
"A !