Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1907-03-01
DRIFTwOOD
BY LUE r. VERNON
a AdM6M alM M,AlMAN ,.rM.

EkakAke lAGRAETA 6NA n ~ 1aaA aI1n tlGA
1t isn't considered crime-by
custom-if one steals an umbrella in
Olympia.
"Why do they call tug-boat 'she'?'
SAID the girl to the mate of the Thistle
81 dunno" says he, "but it seems to me
That it must be they call her she
On account of the awful noise YOU see.
She makes when she tries to whistle"
All saloons in Spokane have agreed
to cease serving free lunch. Free
drinks, no doubt, to men with a lit
tie brief authority, will be continued
as usual.
AS long as soil is productive, Ger
eals will be raised and liquor manu-
featured, sold and drank, whether it
be on the Sabbath or on Friday, the
Jonah day, to many people.
The reform lid" is on in Tacoma
and Seattle. But the odor from the
contents of the pot has nauseat-
ing, political smell, and the fire is
fed with revenge and malice.
May the man be cursed and never grow
fat
Who wears two faces under his hat"
-P..I.
Wonder if this is the cause of John
L. Wilson being of lightweight
build, when smilingly, he meets Sen
ator Piles?
We cannot al be heroes
And thrill hemisphere
With some great daring venture,
Some deed that mOcks ut fear.
But We can fill lifetime
With kindly acts and true,
There's always noble service
For noble souls to do.
The Houston (Texas) Post says:
Senator Piles, of Oregon, is to re-
ceive $3.50, 900 in will contest" If
the Post isn't more careful, it will
soon be saying Senator Tillman from
the Evergreen State. The Post should
procure as soon as possible q copy of
the New York Worlds almanac, at
least.
Charles Gregory, of Chicago, has
invented what he terms 'The Re-
morse Motor" 1t is an adjustable
electric kicking and spanking ma
chine. There are four flying boots,
which whirl in circle, and it does
its work splendidly. A few police Of
ficials anxious to learn if the ma
chine was superior to the clenched
fist, the club, or the beer-bottle, wit
messed its performance on a prisoner
who had broken q few Chicago laws,
and they pronounced it magnificent.
Two of the "Remorse Motors" should
be brought to the Evergreen State
and set to work on the jury that sit
on the Chester Thompson trial.
4 4 +
There are a class of people who go
to the theater to air their bad man.
ners. In the majority of cases, the
offenders are so-called society peo-
pie" There is the young people who
come in late and push past a whole
row of people who were on time for
the beginning of the performance.
The worst nuisance of all is the wo-
man or man who interprets the play
for the benefit of all in their vicinity.
Then there is the couple who can see
something funny in every character
and incident on the stage and ex-
press their feelings in loud COM
ments and frequent laughter. Then
we have the couple who, when they
enter the theater, put on whole lot
of agony to attract the gaze of the
whole audience. There are q great
many theater nuisances, and / have
just SKINNED over the surface.
| y
1t does not seem a bit strange that
the Bulletin, of Walla Walla, is after
Senator Ankeny, tooth-and-tOenail.
The editor of the Bulletin was em.
ployed once upon time by Ankeny
as his chief servant in the think de.
partment" of his newspaper, the
Walla Walla Union. But the thinks
appearing each morning did not
please the Senator, for some reason
or other, and the now Bulletin editor
in-chief was let out, discharged, fired,
or resigned, as the case might have
been; hence, whenever he sees the
name of Ankeny it is to him as
though waving red flag in front OF
an angry bull-maddening. So bel
lowing, paving and kicking up an
awful dust, he bounds toward the
banker Senator from Walla Walla
with the studied, serious conclusion
that he will yet thrust, drive and
force Ankeny into the class of poll
ticians known as the ''down-and-out'
sort, where kind Oblivion will tuck
him in.
+ 4
Some one has kindly sent me q g.
cent book of mysteries of the future,
entitled: ''The Voice of the Stars. "
1t is o pamphlet of things that will
happen during 1907. So far, l have
got no further than what the author
claims will be a year of outbreaks
of wanton disorder amongst So
called laborers," which the Obliging
sender of the pamphlet has carefully
marked for my delectation. That