Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-28
Young Women May Have to Wear
Armor Plate.
NERVE OF A HARLEM HEROINE
How Liz Foresaw What Was Coming
Her Way and Got to Her Peev-
ish Swain First.


! Presently It will he necessary for young
women in this town who decline offers Of
| marriage to wear suits of chain armor and
asbestos face protectors when the moment
! arrives for them TO pronounce the final
No"
The custom is quite rapidly growing
| among suitors over here of puncturing the
| young women who decline Their hands and
| hearts with large leaden pellets projected
| out of cheap yet neavy bulldog guns, until
| the young female persons take a GER
| tain resemblance to unlovely and inanimate
! sleeves: or of permanently streaking up the
| young womens countenances with acids
! designed for in the arts and manuflc-
lures.
During the past fortnight there have been
something like eight cases of this sort in
New York. Three of the gcnTm'n fren' :
burned their idols neads off right down to
the neck with vitr!ol when they We're in
formed that they weren't viewed in the
light of husbands and the remainder of
them executed gun ~ knife pays upon the
objects OF their alteration when they were
informed that they really didn't look or
listen like lifelong sidepaTtners.
n few days ago a Harlem girl escaped
death by praiseworthy exhibition of rapid
thinking. When :he young Teller whom
she couldn't al all perceive In the light of
a husband called upon her on this particu-
lar occasion. her feminine intuition de-
duCed from his agitated, queer manner that
he carried some kind of an instrument upon
his person that wasn't going to help her
state of health and hygiene in case she
wasn't agreeable TO his Implorations She
had refused him some 1900 times. but this
time she didn't.
Instead of anything like that she said
Yes right off the reel, and the young
Teller was SO enthused and carried aloft
over her amiable reconsideration that he
pulled a large 40 caliber iron tool from his
rear pocket, remarkng. at the same time.
Say, Liz, one o desc pills was FIR youse If
youse hadn't ha' bin good
Liz her nerve right along with her took
1t all light-heartedly enough. She showed
him some picture postals that she had
bought that day. And, while he was en-
gagged in looking the picture postals over.
she calmly stepped behind him. picked up
large and heavy chair. swung it alcft a
little SOS TO get the heft of 1t, and then
brought 1t down her beau's head with
such commendable swiftness and address
that within ten minutes he was stretched
out on a hospital cot. listening to the
imaginary brides, with a broken headpiece
4 Just beat him to 1t. that's ALL" the
business-like young woman observed. in a
matter-of-fact tone to the cops when they
asked her about It, and she wasn't even
pinched.
The Conductors Repartee.
Washingtonians coming over here oc-
casionally fall into an absentminded state
One Of them a Broadway surface
car the other day and, thinking about
something else at the time. he slipped his
quarter to the conductor and said. Tickets.
please
and gazed at the Washingtonian with a
hard. cold eye.
Tickets FIR wot?" he inquired DE ball
game, de htppodrome. de Mardy Gras at
oh anDf irly
bonnet?"
The Washngtonan, you see, had forgot
that they don't sell tickets on the New
York street cars.
Addressing him In that fashion the con-
ductor caused the Washingtonian to feel
quite cha&rned, ye-eh.
At one of the main hyphenated hotels
of this town, in a magnificent six-room
suite. there's a smudgy looking chap in a
burnoose and other Arabion accouterments
who gets Sd per throw for permitting
women to look at crystal globe for
few minutes while he pre- tends to tell EN-
all their past and future and things He
works at it for eight hours per diem regu-
lar union hours. and there's line of car
riages drawn up at his side of the hotel
during the entire eight hours filled with
women waiting to slip him those pieces of
money for doing said things
Which fetches up the fact once more
that the metrollopus OF America sure is
the easiest kind of picking for the grafters
who profess TO manipulate the supernatural
and the preternatural as a house painter
kneads putty. The town is perennialIy
packed and TANNED with them. Not only
do all of them. even the cheapest and
squaidest. make good livings, but many
of them become lollingly rich within a
few years. The establishments maintained
by several of these cheerful workers are
almost unbeievably splendid. Simple or
involved. transparent or mysterious, their
trickery catches on and fetches in the
money They have devised innumerabIe
ri Ia inry . tha Il
the lfghtweights. male and female, out of
their change.
A Confidential Confession.
Once in burst of emotional confidence
and maybe Of something else. for the room
smet powerfully of gn-the late Nine.
Biavatsky remarked to the writer, with a
perspiry smile. that the New Workers were
world-beaters when 1t came to gulibility
The ever-deightful Blavatsky was correct
The puffy. grimy bag, with unclean fin
ger nails, who yesterday professed to tell
you whether your future husband or wife
was going to have pink hair or violet eyes
and who delivered these occult pronuncla-
mentos at dollar per piece. in room
reeklng with the evil aroma of cabbage or
onions. is tomorrow, in New York, the loly
sumptuous fat person delivering herself of
the same inScrutabilities at the rate of SO
or $50 for fve-minute seance in west
side mansion, the hall of which Is SPRAYED
by heliotrope water from fountain That's
how the game works out over here II It's
played right.
Jem Malone's Tenderness
In the humble annals Of the poor and
lowly of New York many instances of ten
derness and abnegation are encountered.
Witness the recent fine indication of feel
ing on the part OF Jem Malone. 'longshore-
man. toward the spouse of his bosom
few evenings ago Jem Malone. long
shoreman. who had neglected to do any
thing long shore for some several months
having a wife highly skilled in the art of !
cleansing lnen-returned to his meageriy |
furnished but tidy tenement In Rvlngton
street in a somewhat disheveeI state Jem /
was highly inocuated with the sort OF ma |
tOus fluid. known as mixed ale, that the F,
water front affords to those who have the |
price, yet Jem did not consider that his |
frame was yet sufficiently permeated with !
his favorite liquid to render its action de /
Cisive and completely satisfying.
Could anything have been more natural !
then. that that he should have playfullv |
attached his TWO powerful hands TO the |
moist. sudsy hair OF his wifes head, re-
questng, at the same time. that she let him |
have. merely as a temporary acCommoda- |
ton, the price of a few pints?
However. bravely as they face the sor- !