davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13
No One Wants to Sell.

This talk about property getting cheap is all bosh.' said an optimistic real es- tate man yesterday. My firm has been advertising for three weeks that 1t would buy any property that was for sale cheap. and how many answers do you think we have had to this advertisement. One, and that one wasn't so cheap either. The people of Birmingham are not fool ish and the holding on to their property instead of selling it shows that general opinion is that nothing can disturb Bir- mingham,"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13
RULES FOR LONGEVITY.

My friends, if you would live a hun- dred years" began the savant
 "oh, l know what you are going to say" cried an excited man in the rear. Smoke cigars, but avoid tobacco, drink whisky. but no alcoholic liquor; get plenty of sleep, but never more than three hours out of the twenty-four; eat no meat ex- eept. beef, pork, mutton, lamb, ham and wienerwurst; take no exercise, but chop cord of wood every day, and avoid all sweets except cake, pies custards, jelly, jam soda water and fudgen Oh. I'm sick and tired of being told how to live long" contiued the irate one. Pm going to do just as l darn please and take the chances!"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.

When you can believe most people it's about something of no importance
 When girl is interested in man she arranges it so that some other fellow thinks he is the one.
 Make girl believe you think she is pretty and she doesn't care what you think about her brains.
 About the only thing a very thin woman can be proud of is she can stoop over without bursting her stays.
 When you can get a boy up in the morning by calling him only ten times it's a sign it's noA school day.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13


 re remarkable capacity of trained
 iters. Conviction came to the
 when he was serving as cub
 a magazine that uses jokes and "fllers."
 One day he found in his manuscript bas ket an ordinary envelope only partlv hlled with something which despite it's small size. was half an inch in thickness. The mysterious contents proved to be a package or deck of some 50 neat little oolong papers, each one of which con tained joke. Surprised at so many coming from one man, he was informed that this man sent in package like that every week or two, apparently al- ways had done so, apparently always would do so
 This was something of a shock to the cub editor, but it was as nothing when the fact dawned on him that this re- markable output was merely the share allotted to one magazine and that this same man was sending out similar pack ages with similar regularity to dozens of other magazines, to say nothing of the newspapers! Perhaps he was a syndi- cate? No, there was only one of him. Then the cub editor fell to multiplying for the yearly output, got into five or six figures and gave it up.
 Incidentally. as time went on, the cub editor learned from experience that prac- tically all acceptable jokes are found in these little packages or decks, each joke separate unto itself for convenience in handling, and that only the amateur crowds his gems of wit upon the same sheet of paper. Furthermore, the pro- fessional has made a study of jokes knows how to present his point, is gem orally honest and always polite and therefore far less prone to serving up jokes already published. As to prices Mr. O'Connel, who may be taken as author ity, summarizes conditions as follows:
 While the joke writers have never had union, the papers have never shown any disposition to cut down the prices For the last 16 years the rates have either remained stationary or have been raised. In the early sos things were different. Then one o: the leading comic papers paid only g a column. Now one would receive s15 for the same amount of work. One pays s2.50 for joke; two pay g; most pay s1; few go as low as 50 cents.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13
Show Boat Wrecked,

Gallipolis, O., November 12.-A log raft ran into the show boat carrying the Bryan Stock company, six miles above this city last night and sunk 1t. The company Of F members narrowly es- caped from drowning, but by heroic ef- forts managed to reach shore. The rafts- men were arrested and are in jail at Point Pleasant w. Va.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13
FLASH AGE OF NEW YORK

at the head of Pearl street. and -gas a skating pond on Fifth ave lere in later years stood the
 hotel, the first of the strictly and ornate hostelries that have ecome an integral part of the a truthful reflection of it's spirit.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

Mir. Burton had horse sense when he was nominated Tor mayor-he chung to his seat in Congress, and he will soon go to Washington to flll it.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

inevitably be accomplished and I would ask no greater honor than being one of the native Alabamians connected with the inauguration of this great enterprise. Yours sincerely.
 JOHN A. WYETH."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

A contemporary attempts to describe the effects of a Kansas jag. We have never experienced one, but the effects must be fierce.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

Some think MT. Hartman bought the Central Railroad of Georgia as a consolation prize in case he is de- prived of the Central Railroad of Illi- Tois.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

That Illinois man who was confined in an insane asylum for eighteen years when he wasn't crazy must feel that he was handed lemon.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

The offer of check instead of cash shows that there is something rotten in this country's currency system as we'll as in Denmark
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

The big stick and the white paper trust are face to face and the one or the other will have to accept the situa- ton. It will not be the big stick.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13
Famous Painting on Exhibition.

III. DeMareaus painting of 'The Vil- lage Blacksmith,' a beautiful conception of Longfellow's village smithy," is on exhibition on the third floor of the Ferd Marx store. The painting is said to be valued at s45,000 and was recently brought to America from Italy, where the work was done.
 The picture is a world famous painting in oil and is perfect in every respect The picture is that of the village smithy at work in his shop. It is a splendid de- piction of the flaming forge, the heated horseshoe fastened in the wise and the life-like resemblance of the blacksmith whom Longfellow made immortal.
 The work is finished in it's every detail, beautiful in its every respect. lie piece isSealmost a life size painting and it is almost the. realization of Longfellows s vivid description of the smithy under the spreading chestnut tree The soft glow of the fire from the forge and the light on the little old shop from without are delicately shaded. The smithy is slightly stopped over red-hot horseshoe screwed in the wise. The red hot filings from the shoe are flying from under his hand which holds the file
 The picture is on exhibition for the benefit of the public. There has, per haps, never been more masterful work of art exhibited in Birmingham. It has been placed on the third floor of the Ferd Marx building and is well worth the time required to take the elevator and spend few minutes to fully appre- ciate the piece.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13
LOS LONG SUIT.

Tn one respect the red man has kept abreast of the times." -
 What is that
 He can play football as it has never been played before'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

Constituents who prefer cash to checks may have a word to say to their Congressmen about the need of currency reform.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

clairvoyant has just confessed" that she is a faker. Even at that, she told nothing that sensible people didn't already know.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

The Boers have buried the hatchet by presenting to King Edward the big gest diamond in the world
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

Traffic earnings on the railroads are The people are busy despite the lack of currency, and the alleged distrust.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

The Lusitania broke the record and broke the hearts of the bears by bring ing in SIP 2,000,000 in gold.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

The hoarding of money will go on until the banks show the fallacy of it by making currency free to all de- positors.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

We need a companionable currency -one that will stick to us through good and evil report.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

Connecticut has a veteran smoker aged five years. He will no doubt live to be 106 years old.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

The Clevelanders will need Scent pieces or Scent scrip if Tom Johnson has his way.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

Indian summer may yet do more business at the old stand
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13
DEFINING IT.

DEFINING IT. A definition framed for love Is this: A fever from above Sent down upon the world alas, To make a man a blooming ass, When, much importuned, coyly she" Agrees to share his destiny And be his "tootsy- wootsy" till The restless ocean waves are still.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

Pedestrian Watson is pleasantly greeted along his walk of 1900 miles, but no one offers him a ride.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

The phrase, Tn God We Trust has been left off the new gold pieces, and the trusts now have no rival.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

Alfonso, it is reported, is learning to be a good husband. It doesn't take a married mans spirit long to be broken.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

There will soon be greyhounds in the sky as well as on the sea.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

West Virginia has a great deal of coal and politics to the acre.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

A bard who trills the joys of travel seems to have forgotten the porter and the cabman.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

Gold and credit jostle each other nowadays in the banks, but not often in the pockets of the people.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13
THE PROBLEM PLAY.

The curtain fell, a sigh went up, The people stumbled out, And as they did, each one inquired, What was 1t all about?"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

MT. Taft will find his fences a mere lot of debris when he returns.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

Let Us hope that the Bad Boy of Europe" may not annoy the Sick Man of Europe"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
A PLANTATION SONG.

Simmons thumpin on de groun', 'Possum up CT tree; Swing yo pardners roun' an roun', Set dat music free! N Hoecakes cookin, taters, too, Shake dem Timber feet Mandy, here's nah han ter you Gal, you shore looks sweet! Fall time uv de year is bes'
 Fur dis niggers ways. Oats de time he glts ter res Oats when de banjo plays.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13
Praise Action of the Banks.

"The time will come" said Capt. Jack Cranford of Jasper last night. when the people will rise up and call the man blessed who originated the plan of limit ing the withdrawal of money from the banks at this crisis. It is the greatest thing done in our country for many a year.
 Instead of the collapse that was ex pected, you may examine the records and find that there have been less failures in the banks of the United States during these past two weeks than during any previous two weeks of prosperous times. It is due to the fact that all the banks are standing together for the country's good.
 Down in Walker country we are not issuing certificates, but are moving along finely by just limiting the withdrawals. :"
 Captain Cranford stopped fin The Age Herald office to procure some old Sunday copies. T am sending these pictures of Walter Blackman's Mandy to an editor friend of mine in the north who does not know much about the southern negro of war times. Walters pictures are cer- tainly fine. l keep every one of them and consider them the finest conception of the southern negro 1 have ever seen."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

THE FIRST STEP. I see that the King of Abyssnla wants to be up to date" Has he had divorce?"
 MEN. The man who knows, The man who blows, The man of cheeky ways The man who mopes, The man who hopes
 The man who never pays. The man who drinks, The man who thinks, The man who takes chance; The man who's tight, The man who's right. The man who won't advance. fThe man who swears, The man who cares,
 The man who's heart is soft; The man who works, The man who shirks, The man who stumbles oft The man who talks The man. who balks,
 The man who curbs his tongue; The man who smiles, Ine man who rifles,
 The man who should be hung. The man who lies, The man who sighs
 The man who holds his own; The man who weds, The man who dreads, The man who lives alone. The man who robs The man who sobs
 The man who deals in fakes All these and more, When life is OCT,
 Will make no more mistakes.
 A GRIEVOUS ERROR. A New Jersey man thought a mule. fale was an electric null rome in his harr
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

The old-fashioned shinplaster is in our midst again in all but form.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

The Tichborne case is outdone by T. c. Druce of the Bakers street ba- Zaar.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

There is one more star on the new $10 gold pieces than there is on the flag itself.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

The man of the hour just now is the janitor He is the man behind the steam.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13
PRICES FOR JOKES.

He NtW Ork Herald.
 figures may seem incredible to no have no opportunity of veri- re remarkable capacity of trained lters. Conviction came to the when he was serving as cub
 a magazine that uses jokes and
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13
FASHION NOTE.

Villains in melodrama this season are wearing light gray trousers with a black stripe down the outside seam. The effect in choking scenes is immense.
 A WINTER THOUGHT. Storms will break,
 Windows shake,
 Gloom enshroud the day We won't sigh
 You and I.
 June is on the way!
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13
ENCOURAGEMENT.

Little words of greeting; Little words of praise, Help when joy is fieeting Down the weary days.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

OBSERVATIONS. 'I succeeded because I had to-" says Mrs. Patrick Campbell, adopting one of those bent-over pastures which makes 1t appear that her clothes are coming off
 "Where the Tree Falleth'' is the title of an editorial in the Washington Herald. Sometimes it falleth across the choppers neck.
 While three young lady school teachers of Birmingham were doing a skirt, dance last Sunday afternoon one of them fell and broke her knee cap. Now what dye think of thatl
 Charles E. Blaney. che melodrama king. has opened a school of villainy. The world is a school of villainy. Up to somebody to be good" says the Louisville Herald It certainly would seem so, since so many are bad.
 PAUL COOK
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

Carson C. Whitson of Talladega. who has been a prominent figure in Alabama politics for the last several years, passed through Birmingham en route to Mont gomery. MT. Whitson was a leader of the successful prohibition fight in Talla- de1a
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

q the effects of a Kansas jag. We have never experienced one, but the effects must be fierce.
 A clairvoyant has just confessed" that she is a faker. Even at that, she told nothing that sensible people didn't already know. -s0
 The hoarding of money will go on until the banks show the fallacy of it by making currency free to all de- positors.
  Alfonso, it is reported, is learning to be a good husband It doesn't take married mans spirit long to be broken Gold and credit jostle each other nowadays in the banks, but not often in the pockets of the people.
 
 The phrase, Tn God We Trust" has been left off the new gold pieces, and the trusts now have no rival. Pedestrian Watson is pleasantly greeted along his walk of 1900 miles, but no one offers him a ride.
 
 We need a companionable currency -one that will stick to us through good and evil report.
 Connecticut has a veteran smoker Ia 1ri11 to be 106 years old.
 
 The Clevelanders will need Scent pieces or Scent scrip if Tom Johnson has his way.
 A bard who trllls the joys of travel ] seems to have forgotten the porter and the cabman.
 
 Let us hope that the Bad Boy of Europe" may not annoy the Sick Man of Europe"
 There is one more star on the new $10 gold pieces than there is on the flag itself. 1
 The man of the hour just now is the 1 janitor. He is the man behind the steam.
 The Tichborne case is outdone by l T. c. Druce of the Bakers street ba- zaar.
 The old-fashioned shinplaster is in our midst again in all but form. l
 MT. Taft will find his fences a mere | lot of debris when he returns. There will soon be greyhounds in the sky as we'll as on the sea. West Virginia has a great deal of coal and politics to the acre. 1 Indian summer may yet do more | bl1cipacc at tho old .4opJ
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13
A GRIEvOUS ERROR.

A New Jersey man thought mules tale was an electric pull rope in his barn and gave it a sharp jerk He made the greatest mistake of the year.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13
James L. Ford in Appleton's Magazine @ HERE are a few grizzled anS \0 perienced New Workers who

to the full everything that the day has to offer. look back now
 with grave thought to anoths
 speculation, extravaganza, and
 ing that preceded this one by years, surpassed in it's charac anything that the town had pre- known, and may be truthfully call Flash Age of New York; Lik age in which we live, and which with the sudden loosening of purse that followed the quick and eAs
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-13

Entered at the Birmingham, Ala postoffice as second-class matter under act of Congress March 3. 1879.
Shiner gazette. [volume] (Shiner, Tex.) 1893-current, 1907-10-03

Wateryille was an immense mefFy-
go-round passing his office door al
stated intervals, 50 he could keep
a proper check upon the happen
ines of the place He began again
"The truth is, Waterville is in
the dumps-it's a mighty sick
town. What remedy would you
suggest, Mr.. Rockville A booming
newspaper tonicg"
Il believe" replied Fred
there is no disease, unless it is
hypocricy, for which nature has
not provided a remedy Time will
care the to thorgy Of Waterville.
Fred's mention of hypocrisy did
not claim Boasts attention. He
was thinking of other things.
"EIow do you like Miss Ruth 2"
he asked, i'll a high, squeal5y voice.
Miss Ruth2" repeated Fred,
with perplexed look on his face.
Yes, Miss billiard, how do you
like here Pretty fair specimen for
the Wess, isn't she9"
Oh, Miss IIilliaFd," said Fred.
MY likes and dislikes are hardly
to beconsidesed. One seldom forms
an opinion ulstD he is acquainted.
| have known people for a very
short tune, and yet have taken an
instructive dislike to them, and
later found they were only q little
less bad than the devil.
Miss billiard, however, has
the appearance, " Continued Fred.
"of young lady of much sweet
ness and culture. She has most
charming manners, but as my OBJ
seryation sas been limited, can
hardly say more. "
Fred was preparing to leave the
room, but Boast, again taking, up
the bottle, said, "You had better
drink with me. | am liable to take
every drink Of this red liquor be-
fore | let up, and you would be-
doing me a kindness by dividing.
mo, thank you replied Fred.
+" Very well, replied Boast, as he
arose and walked toward the door
ID shall remain in Gold Valley
several days and hope to see you
Often
Fred closed the door after Boast
had taken his leave, and muttered
the one word, "Scoundrel, F." under
his breath.
IL is almost as pitiable a sight
to see a man trying to appear lest
worthy than he really is, as it is to
see man trying TO appear more
worthy--at best both are mere
limitations of actillglA, =
(rrn.Lr' ''ss'ln Q \ -, -.
Shiner gazette. [volume] (Shiner, Tex.) 1893-current, 1907-10-03
Opium, Morphine
and Whiskey

addictions cured without particle of pain
or danger to patiant. We ask no pay until
the patient is. cured and perfectly satisfed
Deposit fee ia any bank in this city, I'd
patients credit, to be paid when cured and
perleetiy satisfied. In case of failure to cure
while here, also pay patients railroad fare
both ways Our place is located about three
where one can be treated in,absolute nrivac~
II desired. VIII place you in correspondence
with many patients cured Best references
Write for particulars Address. TfIIs
MATTHEW'S HOME. No. 400 nav Avent,a'
San Antonio. Texss.
Shiner gazette. [volume] (Shiner, Tex.) 1893-current, 1907-10-03

ll;xa ,ona ono;, ono a,,,t
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ct tbo,olt 49, ~, 1870 i, Az ,.;+t,
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bre,red o,,+ 81 To ,,pl ,ao,,n+a;n
',.,,1; 80 ~ eii'.t ,'' w. 70, -
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Shiner gazette. [volume] (Shiner, Tex.) 1893-current, 1907-10-03
DR.. HALEY
AND
DR.. DARRELL

have their respective Offices at 81
Main Street, where they have opened
their Sanitaricm for the treatment of
medical and surgical diseases. Train
ed nurses in attendance. Ambulance
service. s.. w. Telephone 1882.
HOUSTON, TEXAS
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-01-14
IN coRoNER's OFFICE.
Commissioners Decline to Discuss Mr..
Davis Bill.

The Commissioners announced today that
they will not discuss the bin drafted by Mr.
Henry e. Davis. providing for radical
changes In the methods of conducting tho
coroner's Office of the District as well as
the law governing the appointment of the
Coroner until it has been referred to them
by Congress for a report. However, Com
missioner Mcfarland has expressed him
self as being Of the opinion that there is
no reason for a change iIr the department
in question and that Coroner hewitt con-
Quoted the recent Terra Gotta wreck in
quest satisfactorily. Although the other
Commissioners would not make a state
ment, 1t is believed they are in favor OF
certain changes in the coroner's depart
ment. but whether or not such changes are
provided in the bill proposed by Mr.. Da-
Wis they decline to state.
Coroner hewitt said today he thought the
present method Is satisfactory. He said
the complaint Of Mr.. Davis Is the first OF
the kind he has heard about his Office and
the manner in which inquests are con-
Quoted. DIR. hewitt referred to the similar
that are made by the grand
Jury, pointing out that at such sessions
only one side is heard, and that counsel Is
not permitted to be present.
The coroner says the investigation Of the
Terra Gotta wreck was conducted openly,
and that everybody was permitted to APP
pear and give testimony who knew any
thing about the affair. He said he had no
comment to make upon the statement of
Mr. Davis about the trouble he had about
the matter of arranging bail for his clients.