The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1907-10-29
" - % % o - % "a "
Those Awful Eyes! |
washington starr


steam whistles and growing roosters
and fighting cats and barking doss
and kissing champagne and Withdraw
ing pop-bottle corks and sucn IKE
celebrated in New York While pacA
/ the seventeenth anniversary Of MS De-
coming a fixture on the water wagon
He celebrated it by giving dinner 10
a bunch of friends, and his dinner
| fluid was the same as. it had been TOT
seventeen years, just the mineral water
| that the restaurant happened 10 nave
handy. The others at the dinner eouIo
order what vets they wanted ana re-
! quired. and they did.
/ At the dinner the comedian from
Washington told, in his inimltaDie
way, the story of the precise tnlng
/ that caused him to mount the aqua
vehicle.
! II was playing with q company at
n Washington theater at the time II
| came off" he said. MY wife, WASH
ington girl, was travelling with me. IN
washington, as soon as I struck town.
I met up with all of the old Indians
and scouts that I'd been brought up
with. and they got me going. was
willing to be got going-lV We got 10
saw that. In those days such an ex-
cuse was an oasis for me, for needed
excuses. the good wife being so sore
| on the Iiouefied end of things as they
concerned me that there were times
| when she wouldn't hold any sort OF
converse with me for week at
time. So. when I fell in with the
bunch in Washington that time l had
| some sort of an excuse, such as IL was
| and of course I handed it out 10 her.
and Just as equally, of course, she
] couldn't see it with double binoculars
| "One- evening, before starting for the
| theater-it was the Friday evening OF
| the week. was there with some OF
that penitent stuff, and I made it up
| with the wife and told her that was
going to be good; that I'd dodge rlgnt
| home from the theater that evening,
/ without airy a Whit of anything nara
err than sa's'prilla on me; that the old
| thing was going to be cut out; that
| she could flag all that worry thing for
! good and ALL that-well, just the OLD
| line of remorse stuff that we get into
| the habit of stalking our women iolk
/ to when there's a lot of dead drink
| floating around in US and our con-
sciences begin to hammer US, as they
ought to.
And so, when I started for the
theater that evening I really meant to
| flag the gang after the show and get
home as soon as a car could drag me
there. But it didn't come off that way.
After ia washed the paint off and got
ready to make the open air, five or SIX
washington ducks that I hadn't run
into at all since lighting in town
and all Of them pals of old-broke
into my dressing room, and my going
to-get -home-t intention did
MT make the least hit with them. |
couldn't fight five or six piano-movers
like that. could I? No. SO they
whisked me of.
"Along toward in the morning
was making rings with EN- on table
AT the old press club. all of US a-pienty
pie-eyed and polluted. Then the tele-
phone tinkle came, and 1t meant me.
The zap who answered the phone told
her-yes, it was she-that / was there
and would be at the phone in
minute. He didn't know me. I'd
talked over the phone before with my
wife when 1 hadn't ought to've been
at any 'phoning distance from home,
and / didn't like it.
$50 I just bolted from that table.
They reached out their mitts to stay
me, but / was stampeded, and / got
out, homeward bound, lit up, and the
banner swinging.
while trying to quicker my lips to
whistle for a night-liner to drag me
to our lodgings 1 caught sight of an
all-night dairy lunch plant and res
A. fo
myself, finger craftily held at the side
of the nose, Here's where / square
myself-raw oysters.'
st remembered how she liked TO have
me fetch home box o. raw when we
were in Washington or Baltimore, and
so I tackled down there and got a dou-
BILE box OF raw, with salt and pepper
and vinegar and all the rest of the
nxin's inside. Then l got the night
liner and made the lodgings along to-
ward 8 in the morning.
''She was sitting up in beds waiting
for me, when l entered with my squar-
ing box o. raw.
"'D'evenin', madame saws L TO her !
= D'evenin'.'
We'll. you know how they can look |
at you in circumstances like those. |
she wasn't conversational.
'Brosh you H'r boxsh oysh, ma
dame I said to her, with great dig
nifty. 'Nicesh oysh. Try EN- and
attempted TO hand her the box.
''She informed me, very succinctly. !
that she didn't care for raw oysters
for Notwithstanding the time I was
getting home-and she rose and walk
ed into the other room, where she got
into the other bed for the remainder
Of the dark hours.
''Oh, YER well-'f you don't like
oysh, said I, real nettled. so I was.
over the way my square-up gift had
been received.
And, with that, I just gave the box
IF raw a toss, needing not what was
going to happen TO the descending
1ivalves, voting not. caring nothing.
didn't even see 'em come down. /
vas dimly conscious that when I Il
,hucked the box in the air the oysters
lew out Of the box. but I wasn't wor-
led. for l required soothing sfumber