Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1907-09-05
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4
a tantes voice Is perfectly heavenly? III
9 Quite unearthly.-The Bystander.
l He with sigh)-I have only on
, friend on earth-my dog. She-Why
. don't you get another dog?-Chicagc
= Daily News.
Citiman-Yes she's married to a rea
estate agent, and good, honest fellow
.. too. Subbubs-Good gracious. Big
amy, eh?-Philadelphia Press.
Johnny, doesn't your conscience tell
you that you are doing wrong?' Yes
mother, but father said l wasn't to be-
lieve everything l rd."-Punch.
Patience-Did you ever hear the
Duette sisters sing in concert? Patrice
NO; one always seems to be a little
ahead OF the other.-Yonkers States
man.
No, don't care for English opera"
why notY Because 1t bothers me to
listen to what the singers are saying
when l want to talk Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Nell-She always said she wanted a
husband who was easily pleased. Bess
Did she get such one? Nell-Why,
yes; didn't he marry her ?-Lippincotts
Magazine
II should think" she said, that golf
Ing would make you awfully tired"
NO, l stand it first rate. You see,
never keep my score at all."-Chicago
Record Herald.
Church, see that Argentine has
54-mile horse railway. 1t Is the long
est in the world. Gotham-Gee. Think
Of holding on to strap for "a miles =
Yonkers Statesman.
II must get you another chair for the
kitchen, Katie; l see you have only
one Sure you needn't mind, ma am.
/ have none but gintleman callers"-
Yonkers Statesman
I'm going to put a fender on the
front of my runabout" 80 you won't :
run over some one?' "Nope. So it ,
won't hurt the radiator when l do."-
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Wigwag- fine dog Of yours,
Saphedde. Saphedde-Yes, indeed, he
is. That dog knows as much as l do.
Wigwag-Ill give you a quarter for
Record
Excuse me. sir, but this is the sixth
time that you have gone away without
paying" 'Oh, my dear young lady,
when man sees you he forgets every
thing else. "-Fliegende Blaetter
Lady Customer wish to tell you
how these shoes Of mine are to be
made. Shoemaker-Oh, l know that
we'll enough-large inside, and small t
-Meggendorfer Blaetter.
"Oh. Willie. what's this queer look
n thing with about a million legs?"
That's millennium. It's somethin' l
ike a centennial, only it has more
egs. .''-"Natural History in Life.
Nell-Yes, she said her husband mar
led her for her beauty. What do you
hink Of that? Belle-Well. | think
er husband must feel like widower it
ow,-Catholic Standard and Times. a
Blinks-The first principle OF an
rchism Is to divide with your fellow ei
ian, Is it not? Winks-No. The first III
rinciple Is to make your fellow man IS
wide with you.-Chicago Daily News cl
Hotel Proprietor-Has not the man =
No. 10 received his bill yet? Head l
Fifteen minutes -
90. STRANGE l hear him still sing .e
lg in his neutrality-suspicious. Blaet- %
,,, tn
Tired Tatters-I saw de new moon n,
-er me left shoulder las night / q,
onder wot dat's a sign Nv? Weary w
'alker-Its a sign dat de mex place Sc
'use ask fer work youse'll git it Sc
hicago Daily News. Dr
Mr.. Phoxy-Did you send the Borems
card for our "at home?" Mrs.
loxy-Yes; how could get out of it? fr
r. Phoxy-I'll tell Borem that jerks tw
coming Borem owes him money ali
IRE Haute Tribune. ne,
"Ah. pretty lady" said the fortune ga
Ter, you wish TO be told about your Wa
ture husband?" Not much" replied
IS. Galley. "Ive come 10 learn where on
: present husband is when he's alb rol
t."-Philadelphia Press. fro
Husband explaining his late home a
ming g)-My dear, couldn't help it.
lust missed the last car and had to
1t forty minutes. Wife-Now don't
me 1t on the street car company. +ov
ey've troubles enough without you- the
troit Free Press. rho
well, Bjenks isn't such "
bad fellow, after all. Dawkins- sho
lat makes you say that? Hawkins '
III, he wouldn't lend me the SO that sho
sked him for, but he didn't take adj the
ltage of the opportunity to give me an
d advice.-Somerville Journal sto,