Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1907-01-22
me Don.ts oil conyersation.

allegiance. Like music, II cannot be
taught In course Of lectures, bot needs
assiduous practice to bring It TO perfec.
ton. Mere fuency Of speech docs not
constitute one good talker. There are
many nice points to be observed, many
easy faults TO be steered clear OF, and
many negligent habits to DO corrected
before even the readiest speaker may ct.
tain to excellence In this difficult art.
Some years ago, clever person hit
upon the ingenious and popular plan Of
teaching good manners by series OF
"don'ts." In the Same way theory Of
conversation may be outlined BY indicat.
ing tendencies to be avoided. Hero 10
list of "don'ts,' for those who would
talk we'll.
DoN'T tell long stories Of personal ex.
periences under the impression that you
are making entertaining conversation
One who has the habit of making long
recitals takes tho lions share OF the con
versation, and does not give the listener
fair chance.
DoN'T ask triflIng questions. Chow
long is it since you have had your house
painted, Mrs. Brown" Where did you
buy your gloves, Miss Smith, What
time of day do you take your lunch, Mr.
Jones?' Such futile questions are asked
merely to satisfy an idle curiosity
They put ono to unnecessary trouble ID
finding an answer, and are too insignih
cant to help forward an acquaintance OF
create mutual sympathy.
DON'T air your prejudices. There are
people who are proud of their prejudices
seeming to consider them marks Of dis
tinction and superiority. Since q preju
dice cannot be overcome by cool srgu
ment, 1t must be net either by critica
silence or by open expostulation; and
neither silence nor expostulation contri
butes anything to the grace OF the con
vocational art, the essence of which
should be sympathy.
DON'T talk Of melancholy or gruesom'
matters. Give the talk happy turn.
DON'T speak in . low, monotonoul
tone. The soft voice which has been q
much cried up-''an excellent thing II
woman''-is pleasant for habitual house
hold use, and for everyday talk OF 9
casual, unimpressive SORT. But CONVEX
sation is like a song. 1t needs pro
nounced accent and great variety OF In
donation to keep up sustained interest
DON'T ride conversation too hard
Leave breathing spaces in the talk. L
is not essential that every moment o
two persons being together should b.
filled with flow of words. An occa
sional moment of rumination indicates
that what is being talked about Is vel
worth some silent thinking about.
DON'T hinder the conversation b.
striving to be too accurate over details
81 forget now whether 1t was yesterda.
or the day before-at any rate, it wa
not Monday. am quite sure 1t coult
not have been Monday" "Let me see
was Mr.. Black Miss Browns cousin o
her uncleq think he was her cousin
No; he was her uncle. Well, anyhow, !
makes no difference" OF course, here
| the listener Is put TO the trouble OF keep
ing tight hold of the main thread of til
story, while the speaker threatens h
lose 1t In searching down blind alley o
her memory.
DON'T 90 back and add appendices t
q subject after you have once left 1t. !
the subject was not closed to your salts
faction, no matter. Suppose, havinI
discussed the vagaries of servants in gen
eral, your friend has mentioned Pomon
In Stockton's Rudder Grange, and the
goes on to expatiate on the humorou
cleverness of Stockton's stories-it vii
never do land yet it is done) to interrup
her with "And, OH beg your pardon
there was Bridget! l have never toll
you what q strange idea she bad abou
serving soup"
DON'T run one story into another
When you have told q good story sto
short in order that its effect may tell.
is only professional raconteur who ca
briskly reel off one story after anothe
without risk of spelling their raciness
In conversation, an occasional pith
story by way of illustration should b
set off by blank or even dull spaces i
the talk. !,
DON'T stop discussion by the clincf
ing use of q proverb. Though proverb
contain much homely truth, they are ar
to overweight an argument by speciou
show Of authority.
DoN'T make point OF always agree
ing with speaker. The real zest Of COZ
versation lies in just enough differenc
of opinion to bring out the strong point
of two peoples characters and to spu
each on to self-expression. There
nothing more genial than the warmth q
friendly dispute which never flares int
anger.
DoN'T harp too lang on one string
Change to another topic before the on
10 hand Is quite threshed out. Othe
wise there will be sense of blanknef
when there is actually no more to b
said on subject. To turn the CONVEX
sation gracefully is, like reversing in til
waltz, nice point OF skill. The one VIII
determines the subjects to be discusse
a wise old writer.
DON'T affect . stilted style of conve
sation. The longest words are by n
means the best words. Everyday idiom
and colloquialisms have directness an
terseness which more elegant forms
speech lack. Thus 1t is much more ma
ural and forcible to say was thur
derstruck when heard the news" tina
to say-"The announcement Of whs
happened impressed me with disagree
able sense of SURPRISE"
Anyone who succeeds in obeying th
rules and restrictions here laid dow
ought, If endowed with quick observ'
ton and sympathy, q generous fund {
common sense, and q discriminatin
knowledge Of people and books, to be
fine talker, discreet, entertaining, an
responsive. Still, it must be confesse
that there are people who are constitr
tionally incapable of following out thes
rules, and who, in spite Of all their viol'
tiOns are interesting people. They hav
native strength and make their own rule
of self-expression. They are the stu
out of which novelists make characte
limpersonation. In real life, as In book
they add to the gaiety of nations. b.
they are not examplars of the art of Col
versation, which requires harinoniOu
balance in all the give-and-take of col
versational exchange. For well-bre
ldrawing-room conversation OF class
and correct sort, our speech must be lai
out on defined and graceful lines,
order that 1t may take on the beauty {
true art and yet may not lose spont'
neity.-Bertha Gaus in New Idea.
A New House Apron.