The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-11-04

| IS Peachy pulchritude will come,
| As such thinking well deserves.
| If you're rectilinear,
| Or If you SKINNER
| On your cogitations till
Presently you'll find you fill
Out all curvily and plump.
| Very pleasant is this dope,
Angular ones full of hope
Now are filled-with new designs;
But to stop to think of it,
How can this be made to fit?
Fashion this falls all straight lines.
Indianapolis News.
Sharp Retorts.
In London auction room two men
were disputing the possession of a pic.
ture by a celebrated English painter
which faithfully represented an ass
Each seemed determined to outbid the
other. Finally, one of them said:
My dear sir, it is of no use; I shall
not give in. The painting once belong.
ed to my grandfather, and I intend to
"Oh, in that case" replied his rival,
suavely, II will give it up. I think you
are fully entitled to it if it is one of
your family portraits" at which there
was great laughter throughout the
room.
With his sharp retort we are inclined
to rank the reply of the Irish girl who,
caught in the act of playing on Sunday
81
parish priest with the greeting, Good
morning. daughter of the EVIL One"
replied promptly, Good morning, faith
err
Lord Cockburn, after a long stroll,
sat down on a hillside beside a shep-
herd, and observed that the sheep Sc
lected the coolest situation for lying
down.
sheep should certainly have preferred
the other side of that hill"
The shepherd answered: "Aye, my
lord; but If We had been sheep ye
Cockburn was never tired of relating
the story, and turning the laugh on
himself.
A man who was offering gratuitous
information at a country fair was dis
paraging the show of cattle.
Call these here prize cattle?" he
scernfully said. why, they amt moth
in to what our folks raised. You may
not think it. but my father raised the
biggest calf of any man round our
IT can very we'll believe it," observed
a bystander, surveying him from head
to foot.
1t is not every one who enjoys a
joke at his own expense. The judge
who pointed with his cane and ex-
claimed:
There is a great rogue at the end
of my cane" was intensely enraged
when the man looked hard at him, and
asked, coolly:
''At which end, your honor?"
A friend of Curran's was Dragging of
his attachment to the jury system, and
said:
with trial by jury have lived. and,
by the blessing of God, with trial by
jury I will die!''
"Oh," said Curran, in much amaze
ment, then you've made up your mind
to be hanged, Dick?"-Tit-B its.
Rheumatism Does 1t.
Capt. Chandler. the army's chief
aeronaut. said at a dinner in Wash
ington the other day:
1.-THE aeronaut, to get along, must
keep his wits about him. Under the
most adverse circumstances he must
not lose his head. Always he must be
alert and ready, ike-like-well, like
a scientist 1 used to know.
''This scientist gave a scientific lee
ture in a church one night. and at the
lectures end he said. beaming on his
audience condescendingly
"'Now if there is any scientific
question that any of my friends would
like to ask. 1 beg them not to hesitate.
1 shall be only too happy to answer
any inquiry in my power
''An cid lady in spectacles that gave
her a severe. stern look. rose and said:
why do wet tea leaves kill
roaches?'
'"The scientist didn't know they did,
let alone the cause or the phenom-
enon; but, never at a loss, he replied:
Because, madam. when a roach
comes across a wet tea leaf. he says,
Hello. here's a blanket" and wraps
himself up in it. catches cold. and
dies"
From time immemorial there had
been a law in Apologize, County War
wick, England. to the effect that the
mayor had the best of everything In
town, and, for instance, one should
say he had the best coat in the place
he must add the words, Except the
mayor"
One day stranger came to Apple
gate and had dinner there at the inn.
After paying his bill he said to the
landlord: i've had the best dinner in
the country.
The Landlord: Except the mayor.
The Stranger: Except nothing!
AS a result the tourist was called be-
fore the magistrate and fined FLO for
his breaking of the laws of the place.
When the man had paid his fine. he
I'm the biggest fool in town, except
the mayor."-Harper's Weekly.
His Souls Revelation
"Do you know" said a Sunday
school teacher, addressing a new pupil
in the infant class, that you have a
soul? %
low, placing his hand over his heart, |
Tribune.
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.