The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1907-12-03
THE WAY IT WORKS.
Teaching a Calf to Drink Is a Sou
Trvino Oneration.

Teaching a Calf to Drink Is Soul
Trying Operation.
Those who have had mournful ex-
perience know that there is nothing
more trying to the soul than the opera
ton of teaching young calf to drink.
The process is familiar to every man
who has brought up a calf from in
fancy You seize pail of warm milk,
go into the stable. catch the calf by
the ears. back him into a corner and
bestride his neck The idiot rather
likes this. and while you are reaching
for the pail he employs his time in
Jacket You discover what the block
head is abo t and box his ears. You
can't help It. You feel that way and
let hirl have it. But the calf can't
tell fer the life Of him why he has been
struck. and he gives a sudden and I'M
expected ''flounce." He believes he
yill 60 over and stay en- the other side
Of tie stable. hut lie doesn't announce
this beforehand. He starts on the i'm
pulse Of the moment. and you can't tell
just Wien he arrives there You ride
along with him a little way But the
laws of gravitation are always about
the SAME. Your legs-one on each side
Of the critter-keep up with the calf
for about a second, but your body
doesn't. You slide over the calf, and
your back kisses the floor Your head
Is soaking in the pail Of milk. When
you get up you are mad-uncommonly
SO. Milk runs from your hair and i'm
precautions out of your mouth.
There is buttermilk in your eye, and
you solemnly declare you will learn
that calf to drink or break his blanked
neck. The calf doesn't know of this
resolve, and he glares at you in stupid
fright from across the stable. He is
not aware that he was the cause of
your downfall and wonders ignorantly
what In thunder is the matter You
don't try to explain it to him, but furi-
ously catch him by the ears, look back
over your shoulder at the milk pail and
back up toward it, dragging the calf
after you, who bawls out in a manner
which seems to say, rs this the way
you treat a fellow creatureY You
again back into the corner, sling YOU
left leg over him and once more try to
get his head in chancery. The calf at
tempts little more funny business
and plunges suddenly forward. You
are on the lookout for breakers this
| time. and. having firm hold on his
ears. you mutter through your clinche(
! jaws. mo you don't, honey" But hi
does. though, and you cross the CONT
nent" together by the rapid transit
| line You hadn't intended to go, but
that is where you and the calf didn'l
see alike. You take his view of it iI
few moments later-you astride O
the calf's neck, and. 1amming ths
finger of one hand into its mouth, you
| place the other on the back of his head
and shove his nose into the pail, fully
resolved to strangle him If he doesn'
drink
The calf holds perfectly still-omi
nously so-and there is silence In heav
| en- Tor the space OF half minute, a.
the end of which time the blockhead
who hasn't drank a drop, suddenly
makes splurge, knocks the pail t.
Kingdom come" milk and all: you are
again reduced to horizontal from {
perpendicular, and when you rise the
excitement is intense. You have beer
soaked with milk, "slobbered' on and
hurt and abused the worst way. No
drop of milk has gone down the in
fernal brute's neck. and there he stands
glaring at you, ready to furnish yol
another free ride anywhere you wan
to go. With an affidavit. you bang hin
over the head with the empty pail an(
hobble out of the pen, mad and hur
all through. fully resolved to let you
four footed fool starve. ~ Cleveland
] Plain Dealer.