Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-12-14
MORGUE Ok HOSPITAL


- nent Of no particular Importance
which. nevertheless. called Tor a minor
surgical operation.
Well" said Mr.. Jobson, in his cut-and-
dried it's-al!-arranged way. when it was
found that the operation was necessary.
we'll pack you off to the hospital at
once. of course.
"Oh. no." Mrs. Jobson demurred. Ger
tainly not 1t isn't at all necessary
Isn't, hey?" said Mr.. Jobson. who
says it isnt?"
"Oh, l know it isn't said Mrs. Jobson.
IT'S such a simple little matter. and it
will only keep me in bed for few days,
and. that being the case, of course, l
should rather be in my own home.
Whatever 1t is Mr.. Jobson intoned'
that prejudice of hers against hos
pitfalls goes back to the epoch Of Peter
the Hermit. It's the medieval super
stition all right enough. Strange, 100.
Sometimes she looks, Ike human being
living in the twentieth century. It's too
deep for me. 1 pass. sldestep. !
nag it. It's got me going. 1t sure
has"
''Oh. I am not prejudiced against hos.
pitfalls at all. my DEAR" Mrs. Jobson put
in ten. IF it were necessary, OF course.
l should be not only willing put ANXIOUS
to 20 to a hospital. But it isn't neces-
sary." T..
yep" went on Mr.. Jobson, Just as If
he hadn't heard her. lit sure does get me
twisted, this Unborn. inherent, innate alb
horrence which women seem to have for
hospitals. Can't dope it out at all:
Never could. They'd rather kick around
a house where there are no conVehieI'ces
at all. where there's no chance on earth
for them to be decently cared for, than
to be tenderly conveyed to nice, airy,
clean, comfortable, luxurious. sweet
smelling, delightful. quiet. restlul nos
pital ward, where all the appliances and
conveniences of our marvellous hiouerh
civilization-er-' ;,
please don't go on that way put In
Mrs. Jobson. bit querulousiy. owing 70
her somewhat nervous state, Il nave toio
you that
went on Mr.. Jobson, as If rapt. that
everybody that goes to a hospital just
dies out of hand. passes out. cashes IN,
shuff1es off. croaks, lams over the Big
Divide, Nobody can disaoT Thex ' tnst
know it. SO there now, Oh. what's the
uSe?'
Il WISH" said Mrs. Jobson, that
you d.
and it doesn't make a particle of
mumbling apparently to himself. what's
the matter with em, they still go smack
to their graves imagining that II they so
to hospital. why. they've Just gotta
die, and that's all there is to 1T. They
think that IL they cut their thumb with
bread knife and go to hospital to have
the cut treated. why. they're scheduled
to smudge out and over into the Land OF
the Great Beyond If they have the
chickenpox or a callous on the bottom Of
one of their feet or a burn in the small
Of the back from a curling tong. why:
if they're taken to hospital, they just
know-oh, they absolutely plumb 90
know-that there isn't any way out OF
it: they've got TO take that ferry ride
across the Styx, and that's all there is
about tall whatever" .,
My dear" said Mrs. Jobson, won't
you be kind enough to refrain
"Oh. it's all right" said Mr.: Jobson.
her for the first time in some time. "All
right, Of course. It's got to be all right.
You can't help your sex. You can't help
the way you were born. Only, as say,
can't help but be surprised, when 1t
gets right down to cases, like this, and
| have chance to analyze your mental
makeup as on an occasion of this sort
it's rather benumbing. l say. to find that
I'm married to woman-rlght mere az
the close of the year 1.0-who, when II
comes to silly, trifiing. pifing superstition
isn't particle different from Mrs. Stone
Ratchet that lived on dried herbs and
raw meat in a Swiss cave four thousand
years before Switzerland was ever hearo
of.
II am perfectly sure" Mrs. Jobson
tried to begin, that if you-"
.'Oh, you are, are you?" said Mr.. job
son, taking the words out OF her mouth
well, you don't want to be so perfectly
sure about anything as all that comes TO-
Mrs. Jobson. because you've been the
high priestess of the You Lose Assocta-
ton long enough. I know what you re
going to get out of your system. You're
going to exude it that, If it Were neces-
sary for me to go to a hospital. why, l
to say that. I've been in contiguity with
you for such a long. long time that
know everything you're going to say be
fore you so mucn as open your mouth
A woman just naturally has to have some
kind of a come back. and she doesn't
know how to, or willfully refuses to-
stick to the point under discussion
and so they stick in those little cracks
about what their husbands 'ud do in SIM
liar circumstances, when their husbands
are not under discussion at all, and have
nothing whatever to do with the case
at issue. However. However,! Let me
set you right as to that. II II were
I'd yell to be taken to a hospital |
wouldn't give anybody any rest until l
was taken to a hospital. If l couldn't
get to hospital any other way, I'd
walk there on my tdhus anu hiieoo'
That's me. That's what l think of hos
pitfalls. Thank heaven, I'm not living
in the eocene period. I'm living
But, my dear" interposed Mrs. job
son, haven't 1 often heard you say
that you'd rather be taken to the morgue
than to any hospital, and that
mo, madam you never heard me say
that broke in Mr.. Jobson. and you
never heard me say. either. that the juice
of the dandelion, properly applied upon
the part affected, would remove the in
furious effects of the Evil Eye Nor
did l ever give utterance to the observa-
ton that cabbages and kings, properly
mixed and served. would ward off house
maids knee. / have, however, always
maintained, from my earliest years. and
with all of the strength of which I am
capable, that hospitals, any old kind of
hospitals, were the greatest institutions
of modern times. and that people that
were afraid Of 'em were the kind of peo-
pie that used rattlesnake oil for a lini-
ment and the kind of people that carried
a raw potato in their pockets as a cure
for rheumatism. However. have 1t your
own way. I'm only talking for your
own good. I never talk with any other
purpose in view. Just stick right around
here, and have the doctors trotting in
and out, and the trained nurse fizgtgging
around, knocking the dickens out OF all
order and system and bulldozing me and
everybody around the place as If she own
ed it. Run the thing to suit yourself.
Make this joint look like a little chunk
out of the Spanish inquisition and hurled
into the first decade of the twentieth