The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-12-02
<<T DON'T know as I got anythi


 i've, as he glanced at the copy which the paper printed of the Presidents proclamation touching on the need for proper national observance or the last Thursday in November
 '"Tut, tut, Larry. Pm ashamed or you" said the Hotel Clerk. "On this glorious holiday which is now ap- preaching with such alarming rapldlty that I'm forcibly reminded of the bills I've got to meet immediately after- ward, every true American has some thing to be thankful for whether he has or not.
 Its one of our characteristics as a nation. For example now, take the Pilgrim Fathers when they landed here on their stern and rock-bound faces, as the bard Longfellow or the bard, J. Whitcomb Riley or some per son in the barding business has so poetically remarkeds You'd think they had mighty little to be thankful for. It had been hard, rough voyage Tor the 380000 heroic souls on the storm tossed boat. Yes I know some his torians put the number aboard at smaller figure, but when look around me and see how many Mayhower de- scendants there are at large l know I'm right and I realize how crowded the steerage of that historic vessel must a-been.
 "It shows what hereditary influence will do. Nearly every Mayfower de- scendant you meet up with looks like he was either just getting over the Seasickness or just getting on it. This expression of countenance is one of the priceless legacies he inherited from his immortal ancestry along with his predispositions toward Harvard college and the republican ticket. But to resume.
 Plymouth Rock was by no means then what it is now. The delicious yet durable pumpkin pie was not at that time indigenous to the soil The fra grant odor of the New England boiled dinner did not greet the nostrials Of the homeward-bound mariner 30 miles off shore, as at present. The principal products of the vicinity appeared to be large, dark-red strangers and snow on the ground nine month year.
 But did the Pilgrim Fathers weaken? Did you ever see a picture of one of them that looked as if he could be made to weaken by anything short of a swift dent in the face with an axe? Somebody discovered that in the matter of commercial trans actions the original inhabitants looked very much like the ready money. Somebody else remarked the fact that there vas plenty of good, dry wood handy in case any one should flush a witch
 And so then the Pilgrim Father fell on his knees and began gathering up l1indling and gave thanks and rose up again with both hands full of fuel and his eye peeled for the first old lady that might fall into the error of owning a cat or talking in her sleep.
 "The Pilgrim Father never lost the habit of being thankful In the first few years he was frequently called away from the Thanksgiving dinner table to be scalped at the front door by tall roan-colored stranger wear ing few if any clothes. But if he re- covered he kept right on being thank full because after that he was spared from the sinful vanity of combining his front hair and besides he lived ever in the glorious hope of extending the scope of the newly-born doctrine of religious freedom until it wouldn't be safe for Quaker or Catholic to stop running anywhere on this hemi- sphere.
 'So we've been having a Thanks giving Day ever since. It's an institu- tion buffaloed with age, as the saying is. Captain Kidd used to have it in the days when we had merchant marine of our own instead of depend ing for the carrying of our cargoes on the Dutch and English bottoms, which as implied by the name, are broader but undoubtedly slower The Bender family in Kansas used to have it every time careless traveller with a gold watch came along. Even the dem- ocrats have it, although it's seemed to me these last few years they ought to be allowed to have theirs before the election, the same as they do their notifications, instead of afterward Then they could throw some gimp and soul into it."
 You couldn't go shiftin' it round that, could you?" asked tte House De tective, seriously. "Ain't it a legal holiday"
 Larry" said the Hotel Celrl1, T observe with sorrow that you are one of the eleven million persons in this country who write to the oyerworked editor every week saying. A. bets D. there are three legal holidays: B. bets A. there eight or ten: please decide. We have no legal holidays. The legal profession don't deserve one; and. what's more, it ain't got time to take one now, that the divorce business is looking up the way if is
 "The President of the United States simply says we have cause to rejoica and give thanks. and that settles it with ever yt0ly I can think of, except Governor Vardaman of Mississippi and the lorn widow of certain Louisiara bear, deceased. The President says you bet your life we'll have a Thank giving Day, or words to that effect And the President is right, as always. Loeb thinks so. Taft thinks so. Elihu Root thinks so, or at least maintains that outward appearance. Old man Zach Chandler up in New Hampshire thinks so. with a few mental reserva- tions from time to time Everybody thinks so."
 "Well, mebbe you'd better count ne out" said the House Detective. "T ain't feelin' overly cheerful. That sum- mer cold of mine is still a-hangin' on. and yet here it is cold weather"
 "That's the wisdom of choosing this season for Thanksgiving, said the Hotel Clerk. When a man has a cold in bie had and c1it of f111zy IIpdar-