The Washington herald., 1907-07-23
MARK TWAIN HOME
HumOriSt Returns from Six
Weeks Trip to England.
ARRAYED IN SPOTLESS WHITE
Mirth PFOVOker's Appearance Bears
Out Claim that HobnObbing with
Royalty Agrees with Him-DecIares
British DO Appreciate American
JOkes-ScIls Jests Now to Pay Rent.

New York. July Pas the big Atlantic
Transport liner Minnetonka slowly made
her way up the bay and into the North
River to-day. hoarsely limiting to saucy
little tugs and the dwarfs Of the harbor
to skip out OF her way and be quick
about it, DR.. Mark Twain sat on deck,
burning fat, black cigar and joshing the
reporters who met him at Quarantine.
Six weeks in England. where loris and
common folk. the King at Windsor and
boobies on the street corners made much
of Mark and gave him as notable d recep-
ton as a plain American ever had on
either side, made him as clipper as
cricket and as happy as when he was
cub pilot on the Mississippi. with his first
turn at the wheel He came back i'm
proved in health, too. and ready to go to
work on a head full of ideas picked up In
England.
Mark Twain was easily the most con-
spicuous figure on deck when the re-
porters scurried up the craggy sides Of
the Minnetonka at Quarantine He lay
back in comfortable steamer chair
smoking.
He wore the white flannel suit OF in
ternational fame-white double-breasted
coat, white trousers, white waistcoat, and
ascot cravat and white shoes. but his
snowy costume was topped by a large
and rather ill-htting black derby hat.
which somehow did not belong in the
picture Mr.. Clemens cheeks We're red
and his eyes We're bright. Altogether he
looked well and vigorous.
Surrounded by Women.
On each side OF him sat a dozen or
more middle-aged women, who laughed
heartily whenever Mark met a sudden
question IN his slow drawl Some OF
them thought il was a shame that the
reporters crowded around so. Mark
seemed to like it, however, but it cannot
be said that he was specially commune
cative.
He philosophical on the beauties and
advantages Of old age, talked about the
most Interesting happenings Of his visit
to England remarked that IL was libel
on the Anglican TO say that he could not
fathom an American joke. and admitted
that he was a little alarmed when the
MinnetOnka ran afoud of a big four
master. July Is. When IT came to making
real healthy joke or telling a story
Mark was not there.
He explained. he said. that his stories
ard jokes We're now salable at 30 cents
a word He said he would like to Oblige.
but that he was an old man. paying rent
on house at Tuxedo and that ne could
not AFFORD 10 scatter his jewels haphazard.
He said he had prepared for the at
tack and onslaught of the New York
newspaper men when, years ago, he had
prepared himself for the next world. So
much had been cabled over here about
his reception that he thought very little
was left to tell He had one of the most
enjoyable times Of his life and felt years
younger.
King Edward Complimentary.
king Edward was very courteous and
pleasant 10 me-" he said. ana he saiS a
number of complimentary things. He re-
membered taking a walk with me sixteen
years ago at Homburg, and when / told
him that 7 often recounted that incident
and never told it twice the same way. he
merely said he was content to leave him
self In my hands-that he thought / was
capable and veracious historian.
You probably heard about the theft of
the Ascot Cup and the crown Jewels later
In Dublin. I was accused all over Eng
land of being the culprit. and since I have
no character left / seldom took the trou-
bic TO deny It. I merely told them that
any good detective, knowing my habits.
would never put the crime on me, because
he would have figured out instantly that
If 1 had been on the job I would have
taken the safe as well as the jewels, and
would have stolen the grand stand ar
Ascot as we'll as the gold cup.
1T isn't fair. by the way, to say that
the English are not on bowling terms with
a joke. / know, because I tried them
thirty-five years ago, and got away with
it. They are merely a little slow, but
when things are explained to them, and
they comprehend the plot and get an idea
of the mechanism of the joke, and are
perfectly sure it isn't the kind that will
kick back or go off Unexpectedly, why.
they are strong for II"
Mr.. Clemens said he would be seventy
two years old next November, but that
the only time he ever feels his age was
when he wakes up in the middle of the
night.
AT O'Clock in the morning I feel old
and sinful" said he, "but at o'clock,
when 1 am shaving. l feel young and
ready TO hunt trouble. There is this about
old age, though every year brings one
a new accumulation of privileges. a
greater capacity for enjoyment Maybe
that's the only advantage of second child
hood. but it isn't a bad one.
'sDO I ever take a Eafrhaptcs coclrfofI
Boys, I'll take anything that is offered
me, and, like the girl in a show 1 saw
before going to England. I'll dc anything
that won't make me blush"
Collision Causes Scare.
The plates on the starboard side Of the
Minnetonka showed plainly how hard
Hex the liner got from the ship that
bumped her at 6 o'clock in the morning
Of July L. That morning there was a
Sc Ire among the passengers and a parade
of Fueer costumes on deck Mr. Clemens
wa a little slow himself in joining the
paJama parade, but when he arrived he
led easily in picturesque effects. A white
bathrobe, the same that Mark wore when
he walked across the street in London
from Browns Hotel to a bath house. 10
TIE dAiloASAlCHl VI tAc blillSl lllnQ, was
not lightly frogged and exhibited with
every step Marks ''fioosiest" pair of pink
pajamas, as wen as the socks that hung
YEARLY over his cabin slippers.
Model of PrOpriety.
And yet" said he, discussing the Incl
dent, my costume was a model of pro-
priety and modesty compared to some
that I merely glanced at in passing. OF
the. collision I saw nothing. because I
dressed very leisurely. 1 was disappointed
because I felt that 1 should have been
notified beforehand"
The scare did not last long, though