The independent., 1907-02-14

VINO try TO get II ana rail- down 01ten
derive a lot of Consolation from the
knowledge they have been Unspotted.
The Moral of this is-dont let any
one Spot you.
But t.-ke this world renowned story
of Doctor Primrose, up one side and
down the other, and it is Tame At
fair compared with the adventures Of
a real busy Pastor Of the New School.
There was time when every little
Lad who was rale and had translu-
cent Ears and preferred doing the
Herring Bone Stitch to getting out and
playing Three Old Cat was supposed
to be a likely candidate for the Pull
pit.
Nowadays the Bishop of the Diocese
is on the lookout for burly young Col
legians who can stand Off the World
and the Devil with the Left while lift
ing Church Debt with the Right.
Any young Theolog who moves into
Parsonage and undertakes the Con-
tract Of herding and subduing a high
geared and strong minded Congrega-
tiOn certainly has his own Troubles
spread out in front of him like a Hotel
Dinner.
In the old days the Flock took any
Shepherd that wandered into the Pas
ture and allowed him to feed them
from the Spoon, and swallowed every
thing and had to like it.
Now the Main Performer has to do
few Trial Heats, while they hold the
Clock on him before they Sign him.
Church Members have asserted
their Rights as Employers and now
belong to the Missouri Family. They
sit back in their padded Parquet
Chairs and say to the bright young
Entertainer just out Of College, Come
on and show Us"
If he fails to deliver the Goods, they
give him the Gate and send off to the
Works for another Sample.
But if he is as handsome as e. n.
Sothern and can make the Women cry
and his Clothes fit him in the Back
and he has no dangerous Views con-
fiicting with the Opinions of the Pew
holders he may have fair Chance of
going right TO work at a Salary one
third as large as that of Pittsburg
Puddler and somewhat in excess of
that commanded by high-class Farm
Hand.
Having entered upon his Career, he
is just as safe any Minute as the man
who strolls through Powder Maga-
zine smoking a cigaroot.
III OTueT 10 IcIdiu tic lbhCe
he merely has to talk like Beyeridge,
be a diplomat of the John Hay va
rety, do the Social Act With the grace
and dignity of our old friend Harry
Lehr and swing the Finances with the
keen and mastery Insight of Sec.
Shaw, Captain of the Wall Street Life
Saving Crew.
Talk about old Doctor Primrose hav-
ing experiences!
Did he ever have to discuss Evolu-
ton in such a manner that he would
not contradict Science and yet would
satisfy the old-timerS who believed
that the World was begun out of Moth
ing one Monday Morning and had
Parks, Driyeways, Subdivisions and
few Early Settlers the following Sat
urday Afternoon?
Did the original Vicar of Wakefield
ever have to do Balancing Act be-
tween the Progressive faction, which
believes that the Lower Regions con-
stitute a Figure of Speech, and the
old rock ribber Wing. that wants every
Sermon served up hot with Blue
Flames around it, the same as a Rum
Omelette?
1t was Fine Business for the Vicar
Of Wakefield to regulate his Parish,
because whatever he said. Went.
His humble Followers were not
flirting with a lot of outside Cults and
then coming to Church every Sunday
Morning, loaded 10 the Gunwaes with
new and startling Theories. and just
aching for chance TO trip up the
Minister and make him out either a
Hereto or bowling Ignoramus.
This years preacher is supposed to
have positive Views on the subject
of Alcoholic Nourishment.
Some of the Folks In front believe
that the act Of absorbing Scotch
llighbGll comes under the same Cate
CORY as hitting a Crippled Child In the
head with an AK.
Others. constituting what is known
as the Liberal Element. are known To
keep IL In the Cellar. after having II
delivered to the House In "A Grocery
Wagon. They are agin the Liquor
Trahic. but they see no harm In a
Dutch Lunch with wet trimmings
Now all that Friend Minister has TO
Ia I'M dlNpuHsiug the Drink Evil Ia In