Sequachee Valley news. (Sequachee [Sequatchie], Tenn.) 1896-1952, 1907-08-15
N~%AA%@N|~% S~N
Uncle Eds Gabfest

the gentle cowfrog softly moos, the
wife makes sweet blackberry tarts,
and the kids are out collecting warts
The corn belt farmers pray for rains,
the boys have watermelon pains, and
the new born colt, though somewhat
frail, bats horse flies with its stubby
tail.
The little brains that dogs possess
Become as sawdust, nothing less,
And the crafty butterfly, unseen,
Is making oleomargariue.
August was named for Augustus
Caesar, who reigned in Rome during
the dull season, when Julius Caesar,
was spending the heated term at his
summer villa on Fairbanks Cove. Au-
gustus Caesar was silly hairpin, and
he made the silly season in Rome his
toric Instead of chariot races in the
Coliseum, he had races between mes
senger boys with frecrackers in the
seats of their pants,
Another of the favorite silly season
sports of Augustus was to. have the
gladiators go into the arena and have
pillow fights. To populace accustom-
ed to the most bloody encounters be-
tween these big bullies, the spectacle
of seeing them. chasing one another
with bolster full of pin feathers was
so utterly ridiculous that the BOBBY
match couldn't handle the crowd.
The summer boarder wakes at dawn
To hear the rooster going on,
To hear the lusty ducks and brakes,
And all the fuss the guinea makes.
He hits the bedroom door whack,
Demands to have his money back,
And dons his trousers front behind,
The while he speaks his angry mind.
The wobbly calf, ingenius thing,
conducts its mother to the spring
contrives to push her where her bag
will in the cool, clear water stay and
when her milk is made ice cold, he
calls her out and seizes hold to give his
tummy Paradise, the while his short
tail slugs the flies.
The chautauqua puts on more horse
power, ana the outdoor lecturer has q
hemorrhage of bad English in the
shade of the sheltering elms. The
word chautauqua is from the Greek
letters chau (to), tauq talk and ua
Dong, meaning to talk long The
long named artist comes out from the
city to paint purple COW, and brin-
die bull hits him where it will do the
most good, dropping him into distant
briar patch with the nice precision Of
a golf player. The automobile comes
out on the county road and has cir
rhosis of the carburetor, in the throes
of which it rids its stomach of an ode
lot of nuts, bolts, screws and scrap,
iron The farmer bitches a span o.
mules to the thing and hauls it bacl
to town, aud the mules amuse them
selves all the way in kicking the horl
and hearing it go honk.
The pumpkin vine begins to run,
And drags the pumpkins through tht
sun
Until what had been plump and rount
Grows long and slim lfrom coverin!
ground.
The fool young horse before the loa'
beholds the roadsters on the road, an,
scatters passengers and freight from
breakfast to the barnyard gate
The boy whose wisdom has not dawned
Goes swimming in green scume
pond,
And gets, beside parental whack,
Some sort of green rash on his back
Though what be gets from mother
hand,
Is lower down, you understand.
a Mars will retire to position NOR
remote from the Earth, and the Moo
viii be full on the 23rd, which will l
% for the Moon. Fhe scientists VIII
went to the Andes to view Mars frol
Natures grandstand, will start home
and they will compare notes on tn
ship. Prof. Longazo will claim
have seen one thing, and Prof. Nuns
, rbitzenbossensduzen will insist
/ was something else. They VIII pa
into eclipse hammering each other o'
) er the hay hows with their note book
Prof. Observation-Disclosures wi
kick fine assorted lot of vermicei
out of Prof, Longazo
, And then the welcome Fall viii COM
And frost will nip the roofless bum,
2 The pawpaw will come down Ike
Z squash,
4 And thicker shirt go in tine wash.
The farmers wheat will go to town,
q The price will spot him and go down
And the corn fed hog, ere long to die
+ Will banquet in the fatal stye.
= But let rs, even though we sizz, e.
tract from life what cheer there i
\ Let dogs, not men, in consequence
dog days, feel like 30c. Septemb
: dear is almost here.
UNCLE ED.