davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1907-02-18
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.

The only thing some people always
have ready is an excuse
Almost any one can be induced to lie
II you ask enough questions.
The better you behave the better you
get along. It's old, but it's true.
A man nobody can quarrel with has
the life problem reasonably well solved.
Lack of opportunity has to stand as
an excuse for lot of general shiftless-
ness.
The trouble with some people lies in
the fact that they consider their faults
their mlsfortunes.
Are You among those who treat their
new acquaintances better than they
treat their old friends?
II man has plenty of money to back
up lot of fool notions, people call him
eccentric, but If he only has the notions
he Is crank.zAtchison Globe.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1907-02-18
Usinq the Eve..

A scientific writer quotes Helmholtz
as saying that in his work he could
only liken himself to the mountaineer,
painfully and slowly climbing, often
Obliged to turn backward, lighting lat
er on new traces leading forward, and
finally reaching the goal, only to find
to his confusion that a plain road led
thither, il he had only had the eyes to
see. Darwin said he thought he was
superior to the common run OF men in
noticing things which easily escape at
tention and in observing them care
fully.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1907-02-18
cgDmwELEs HORSES.
IN Aesident That 5efsII the Protector
In aiyde Park.

IN Aesident That 5efeII the Protector
In Hyde Park.
As Cromwell rose in power and rank
ais love OF horses began to be more
lonspicuous' says a writer in Black
woods. When he started from Lon
don In 1919 to reconquer Ireland he
went forth in that state and equipage
as the like hath hardly been seen, him
self in a coach with six gallant FIan-
ders mares. reddish gray In 1856,
when the Spanish ambassador took his
leave Of the lord protector, Cromwell
sent hlnS his own coach of six white
horses TO convey him TO and from
Whitehall. Certain it Is" adds the
narrator, that none of the English
kings had ever any such"
The protector was not much of a
whip, however. In 1854 the Count Of
Oldenburg sent Cromwell present Of
SIX horses, and the protectors anxiety
to make trial Of their quality led TO his
well known adventure in Hyde parA
On Friday, Sept 20, he went with Sec
rotary Thurloe and some Of his gentle
men TO take air in the park, ordered
the six horses to be harnessed to his
coach, put Thurloe inside OF it and I'M
dertook TO drive himself. His high
ness said letter from the Dutch
ambassador, drove pretty handsomely
for some time, but at last, provoking
those horses too much with the whip,
they grew unruly, whereby his high
ness was flung out Of the coach box
upon the ground. His foot getting
hold in the tackling, he was carried
away a good while in that posture, but
at last he got his foot clear and so
came to escape He was presently
brought home and let blood and after
some rest taken is now well again. The
secretary, being hurt on his ankle with
leaping out Of the coach, hath been
forced to keep his chamber hitherto
and been unfit for any business"
The royallst Scroggs, afterward chief
justice, writing Of this incident, hoped
that the next fall would be from cart
limiting at the gallows. AS to Crom-
wells views on the burning question
of horse racing 1t is difficult to arrive
at positive conclusionA His constant
aim was to possess as many good
horses as he could afford. Whether he
entered his horses for races or had
the satisfaction OF, owning a winner
history does not say.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1907-02-18

The Ersntn THAT May ae Growded
Into Few Seconds.
The duration Of a dream Is So seldom
accurately measured that a story pub
lished in the ST. Louis Medical Record
Is worth repeating
The writer. q doctor. was SEIZED with
an uncomfortable drowsiness during a
call and was struggling to keep awake
when he was asked by his companion.
.'How long may you stay IN By His
answer which came promptly enough,
was. THAT depends ON the Western
UnIon,g and. catching himself. be ex-
plalned that he was expecting tele-
gram. In fact, however. his answer re-
lated to the facts Of a dream which
had been sandwiched between the two
parts of the sentence.
After hearing the words ..How long
the doctor had dozed OF, dreamed that
after long and tedious experiments he
had invented wonderful apparatus
for holding telegraph poles in ver-
deal position, had negotiated with the
postal company for Its sale, but unsuc-
cessfully, and had finally gone to the
authorities OF the other company.
They. In the dream, told him they were
considering German invention for
the same purpose, and the dreamer
crossed the ocean to examine the rival
device. returned, explained the differ.
ences to the intending purchaser and
was writing reply when he woke In
time to hear the end OF his companions
question.
The events OF the dream had appar.
entity consumed months. yet the actual
time that elapsed was merely that re
CURED for uttering about four short
words.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1907-02-18
We Help You to Save
and MAKE MONEY.

Having arranged for exceedingly
low clubbing rates with publishers
ofthe best and most popular publ.
cations in the United States, Daily
Weekly and Monthly, we are now
ready to fill orders at from Thirty
to Fifty per cent. less than the reg.
ular prices, giving Subscribers full
benefit Of the lowest clubbing rates
at same time allowing a liberal com.
mission to Soliciting Agents.
To advertise our new offers
would entail a cost which we save
to the Subscriber by asking each
reader of this item to send posta,
card for Sample Copies of TH1
WEEKLY ENQUIRER; and If so stu
ated to do little agency work dur.
ing the winter, make application fol
agency. II IS a TACT that THE EN-.
puIRER offers more and better
bargains than may be had from
other sources.
One offer gives $500 Worth for
,nly $500, another gives a Daily
aper, two Weeklies and two
Aonthlies for only $1.75.
The Veterinary column of THs
WEEKLY ENQUIRIES is worth from
FIVE to fifty dollars to any horse
owner.
Write to-day to
Enqeirer Company.
cincannati. okSo
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1907-02-18
Antiauitx Of Rrnusrhs.

Proverbs existed long before books.
In the earliest times they served as
the unwritten language Of morality
and have been passed down through
the generations. In Africa there are
numerous quaint proverbs. Among
them are: "He who dives on dry land
win scarify his face" 1.-TWO people
cannot sit down upon the point of the
same thorn at the same time" In the
Transvaal the proverb, Beware Of a
silent man; he has a brass band in his
mouth" is often heard.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1907-02-18
cheap esn,eronitv.

A great smoker handed his cigar
case to his right hand neighbor.
'sThank you, but l don't smoke" said
the man.
BE therefore handed It to the nan on.
the left who made the seme reply,
whereupon his wife nudged him and
said, why don't you hand it to the
captain2"
No thank you; he smokes."-Nos
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1907-02-18
Her Reasoniru.

Wife lat the costumer' s)-whleh
shah ! have-this coat at 20 marks or
that one at 7o7 Husband-I have only
20 marks with me. Wife-oh, well,
then, wen buy the seventy mark coat
on credit and then you can buy me a
bat with the 20 marks.--Lustige Blat-
ter.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1907-02-18
HoImes on sheIlex.

Shelley vaporlzed everything In his
glowing crucible. but there was gold at
the bottom of 1t. When look at him
spreading the starry wings of his fancy
over his chaotic philosophy he seems
like q ssraph lowering over the un-
fathomable chasm, whose blackness Is
the abode Of demons.-"Autocrat Of the
Breakfast Table"
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1907-02-18

IF ] could only die and leave you
wen on" he said after they had had
their first quarrel, 81 would be glad
10 60"
How" she cruelty asked, could you
De and leave me otherwise than well
eRT-Chieaeo Record-Herald.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1907-02-18
q SONG, mon A SERMON.
But 1t Points a Moral From a ;;srr
Ordinary Incident.

But 1t Points Moral From a ;srs
Ordinary Incident.
1t was merry occasion. The fun
was fast and furious. 1t was in bar
room; the place, Washington.
Inspiring bold John Bnrleycorn,
What dangers thou canst make US
scorn!
WI tippenny we fear nae evil;
WI usquabae wen face the devil!
And SO one Of this party invited sew
en- companions to join him in drink
Of 'red llcker," and they sat
Bouslng at the nappy
An settn' fou an unco happy.
The man planked down a dollar,
crisp and fresh from the treasury. The
account was squared; the score was
paid. he was family man and walk
ed across the street to a meat stand
and ordered two pounds OF round
steak. The grocer supplied him and
asked 30 cents as the price. whats"
the man roared. ''what! Fifteen cents
a pound for round steak! 1t Is high
way robberyw
And so we go through life prodigal
in buying luxury and misery in buy
ing necessity That man had no CON
ception of his Illogical action-spendlng
a dollar for liquor that he and his COM
rades would have been the better with
out and kicking hole in the ceiling on
account Of a purchase OF beef to the
charge Of 80 cents that he could Ill do
without. Man can live without booze,
but the man has yet to be invented
who can get along without food.
This is no sermon. This newspaper
never breaches. What we intended to
say and all we intended to say was to
call attention to the truth.
All the worlds a stage
And all the men and women merely play
ers.
The very best of us have need Of the
charity Of our brothers and sisters.-
Washington Post
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1907-02-18
rhs Mesr rbiroI

"Who was that fool You bowed tor
"My husband"
"Oh, I-er-I-humbly apologize r.
Never mind. I'm not angry. Rut
what a keen observer you arer'-
Cleveland Leader.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1907-02-18

Did you ever notice that Tie size Of
trouble depends on whether Il Is com.
ing OF going 4aIankato Free Press.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1907-02-18
AN IMPOSING SCHOOL, ENTRANCE.

standG been made liz
this designing public buildings
Of prisonlke aspect but architectural high
Of this OF
main entrance the Dewitt Cnou High school
New designed
Of
more dgnl6ed and imposing appearance
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1907-02-18
DREAM MYSTERY,

The Event THAT May BE croygded
Into Few Seconds
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1907-02-18
Thousands Hare Kidney
Trouble and Never SHsu E

Fiji d bottle o. conftibu x HISS nj Il ~
water and lei i sland tMent -fonr 49,.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1907-09-12
4 llideous Dream.

/ had q horrible dream q rev nignts
ago. dreamed that was the sub
editor OF religious weekly. There is
nothing dreadful In that, Of II course y b
The horrible part comes later. Ny
editor. just of for a holiday editors
generally are, yon know instructed me
to write to several people Of eminetncset
and ask them to tell me their favorite
prayer. q record this little story IN
all reverence, you understand9 Well.
many Of the eminent people replied,
including lady novelist of great
fame. The lady wrote:
Dear sir-In reply to your esteemed ia
gyor have much pleasure In informing
you THAT my favortte prayer Is, We, Us
this day our daily bread
i placed it at the head of the col
umn, put the paper to bed and went
there myself. feeling pleased. Next
morning when opened my copy Of
the religious weekly I found that three
letters had been dropped from the lady
novelist's fayorite prayer, which, to IA my
CONSERVATION, now read as follows:
aGive us this day our daily ad. !
woke up screaming Kebie Howard r lin ~
Sketch, NJ n 5 3&
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1907-09-12
cIassed as an Antique Also.

IA charming hostess Of one OF the The
ssbig houses as they are called by
those who are welcomed into them.
has the added beauty of preInat urely
white hair, says the Washington Star
That which seems to her contempo-
raries an added charm may appear to
the crudely young a mark Of decline.
at least SO it appears In one instance nc
OF which the hostess herself tells with
enjoyment. .ss
Il The lady is a connoisseur Of antiques.
AT one Of her teas debutante rich
with the glow Of youth, but sadly con- l
strained with her sense Of her own
novelty, was handed cup Of tea. The
cup was beautifully blue and wonder
fully old. The hostess, desiring to
tighten the strain on her youthful
guest BY "a pleasingly diverting re-
mark, said, ..That little cup lis 100
years old"
"Oh," came the debutante's high
strained tones, sshow careful you must
be to have kept 1t so iong!"
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1907-09-12
GROWTH
OF GALVESTON

: f. sss = IS n
The Galveston News, of Sept. l..
shows a wonderful advancement
made by the port during the past
year.
Galveston ranks second among the
ports Of the United States in the
value of foreign exports and second
in the total of foreign business. Gal
weston ranks eighth among ocean
and gulf ports in the value of for
eign Imports and twelfth among Gus
toms districts. Galveston holds first
place as a cotton and cotton by-pro-
ducts exporting port in the world.
Galveston has minimum depth of
thirty feet in the harbor channeleand
2S Ia feet on the bar Many times
vessels drawing % IL feet can put
to sea.
During the year just closed LITE
100 loaded cars were handled at Gal
weston.
During the past fiscal year there
were 1904 arrivals of aliens at the
port of Galveston, compared with
6,549 for the previous year.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1907-09-12
A CLEVER TRICK.
The Way Lord coekrane Once Won ain
Y y.i English Election.

The Way Lord cockrane Once Won an
M English Election.
When Lord Cochrane was ID candi-
date for parliament in Honiton he re-
fused to give any brides. AS his oppo-
nent gave TO a head, Lord Cochrane
suffered defeat. The latter, however,
sent the bellman round the town an
nouncing that all those who had voted
for Lord Cochrane would receive 10
guineas apiece If they called on his
agent In those preballot days Of
course it was known how each man
voted, and the happy minority march
ed off to the agent, each getting his 10
guineas. Naturally enough, the major
ity began to think they had made a
mistake, and they resolved to rectify
that mistake at the first possible mo-
ment. In due course an opportunity
came. There was another election.
Lord Cochrane stood again, and the
voters, remembering his lavish meth
DDS, asked him no questions, but re-
Then they conveyed a delicate hint to
the noble lord asking what he pro
posed to give them for this distinguish.
ed service. Not one farthingW roared
his lordship. The unhappy men re.
minded him that he had paid 10 gum
cas- head to the minority at the pre-
vious election A complacent grin
frightened the face of the member al
he gave this explanation: 1.-THE former
gift was for their disinterested con
duct in not taking the bride of f5 from
the agents of my opponent. For me
now to pay them would be violation
of my own previously expressed prin
| efpies.''
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1907-09-12
A Dutch ironclad.

1T is of interest to note that, accord
ing to some authorities, the Dutch
were the first in the modern period OF
history to- build an ironclad and that
during the siege Of Antwerp by the
Spaniards in 1885 the people Of that
city built an enormous dat, bottomed
vessel, armored 1t with heavy iron
plates and thus constructed what they
regarded as an impregnable battery.
This they named Finis Belli Unfor-
tunately the vessel got aground before
coming into action and fell into the
hands Of the enemy. It was held by
Alexander Of Parma to the end Of the
siege as a curiosity. but was never EN-
ployed by either side in any action. az
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1907-09-12
AN UNOPENED PAD / D OK.
avienna's Strange Relic That Defied the
Worlds Locksmiths.


In 1910 blacksmith went to Vienna
and locked an iron band around tree
with a paddock. What he did with the
key no one knows to this day. There
Is mirthful legend to the effect that
he carelessly threw it into the air and
that it never came down again. At
any rate, the key could not be found,
and the Austrian government offered
d prize of 500 ducats to any one who
could make a key that would turn the
bolt in the lock without breaking 1t.
Many have tried to win the prize,
but nobody has won 1t. yentually It
became the practice among the con-
testants to drive a nail in the tree and
! the heads of some of the nails bear
the initials of those who drove them.
| The practice Of driving nails into the
tree sealed its fate. The lower part of
| the tree in few years assumed the
appearance of solid mass of iron.
One spring the leaves failed to come
out, and later summer storm blew
the top away. s35s
The historic stump was cut off and
placed on pedestal on one Of the
4 prominent street corners in Vienna
1 At the same time the iron band was
cut In two and put around the stump
/ to hold 1t in its nicne, leaving the pad,
! lock in its original position. And
there the old stump stands to this day
Ian object both Of the curiosity Of tour
lists and the generation of the resi-
4 dents of Vienna. incidentally q street
Stock i'm Eisen SIS Stick in Iron has
been named after the stump. ScraI
4 Book. s81 s3, sSs E8 zs
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1907-09-12
Electric fsaiInax inue,sAar

The electric railway had many In
sventors persons who by various Inn
prcsements hrought the aystem to It's
present usefulness. Thomas Dayen-
port. blacksmith, OF Brnntfon, vt, III
credited with having Arst suggested
the electric railway, although an Ital-
ian priest Able Salvatore del Negro,
professor OF natural phi osopssY at the
University Of Radua nkad 10 haya
designed an electric toy fEaciion ma
|cnihe Of the reciprocating eype In
1850. Davenport ram toy motor
llonufed On wheels on q small circular
railway :ln 1884, exhibiting fliis i year
later at Springfield and Boston About
hals century passed. however. before
the electric railway was made prac-
flcgi for present uses. Argonaut.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1907-09-12
SENATOR MAINS Son KILLED
ACCIDENTAL DISCHARGE OF
SHOTGUN KILLS f6-YEAR-OLD
BOY AT cANDo.

Cando. N. D., Sept. 1.-THE 16-year-
old son of former State Senator R. w.
Main was accidentally shot while out
hunting and died from hemorrhage a
few hours later
The boy had gone hunting earlier in
the day with Roy Garfield, a young
man about the same age, and they
were on their return trip home. When
within half a mile of Conyers broth
ers' farm, six miles south of Cando,
Main attempted to light a cigaret,
scratching the match on his leg, and
in raising his foot, caught the trigger
of the gun that was between them in
the buggy and discharged it, the en-
tire load taking effect in the pit of the
young mans right arm.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1907-09-12
strong Soup.

In the life of William Stokes, writ
ten by his son, IL is told how Stokes
was sent over to Dublin during the
great famine to show the people how
to make soup. Stokes asked q starving
beggar why she did not go and get
some OF the soup that was being freely
distributed. s4ss s55y
stSoup, Is it, your honor? Sure, It
isn't soup at ALL And what is IT.
then2. inquired Stokes. s It is nothin',,
your honor. but a quart OF water boiled
down to a pint to make 1t sthrong!.'
This is the soup maigre which Ho-
garth carfcatured In his picture Of the
French troops at Calais. London
Standard 8&8,
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1907-09-12
A CURE FOR cUsslNG.
The Penitent Scotsman Found His
Load a Heavy One.

The Penitent Scotsman Found His
Load Heavy One.
"a clergyman in Scotland observed
with much perturbation that mem-
Der OF his congregation was greatly.
given to the use of strong language.
Over and over again he demonstrated
with the man to give up the bad habit
III time the man himself came to see
the error of his ways, and desired no
less earnestly to break himself of the
use of bad language. The difficulty,
however, was to find a method of
doing so. One day the Clergyman hit
upon a happy thought.
Get a bag he said to the man,
"and every time you swear put q
pebble into it. At the end of the
month you will bring that bag to me.
/ will count the pebbles and see what
the effect has been. x <: s.sz.s
The man accepted the idea with
alacrity. He got d bag and, religious
", every time he swore what Mr.. Gil
bert in the 'Pinafore' calls d .'big, big
d. he duly put pebble into it. AT
the end of the month he went to the
clergyman, taking the bag with him.
It was not an easy task, for, as any
one might see, the bag was very full
and very heavy. He went into the
clergynlan's study and put the bag
on the table. .5:.
The minister looked up with a seri-
Gus expression. This is very serious,
my friend. / am sorry to see you have
so many pebbles in the bag !:
''Hoot, minister" exclaimed the man
cheerfully; this Is only the DEVILS
the 'damns' are all at the dikeside in
another bag. They were over heavy
to bring upr'- Excelsior. n
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1907-09-12
Identified.

Tommy made himself the hero OF .
story, which the Boston Record prints,
when he called for ttthat one about the
boy who ate the ribbons and 1t made
him sick /"
Aunt Ethel was puzzled. 81 know
Of no such story" she said, after
searching her memory yainly.
Nothing she could suggest answered
the description. Tommy cannot read
but he thought he could find the book
He found it. They read one thing aft,
er another, until in the midst Of the
might Before Christmas, Tommy gave
a whoop of glee. Aunt Ethel was read
ing:
He rushed to the window and
threw up the sash .5s. 3ss
That's it! That's itr' cried Tommy
lyon see, it's just ais told your
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1907-09-12
A Handy Measure.

II you have d pint jug and wish 70
measure of half a pint with tolerable
accuracy 1t Is useless to try and do so
BY guessing when the jug Is half full.
IA better way IL to tilt the jug until
the contents just reach to the upper
end OF the bottom Of the vessel and
Just touch the lip at the lower end Of
the mouth. In this way the space in
the pint jug is practically cut into two
equal portions, each half representing
the space taken by half pint. Lon
don Graphic.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1907-09-12
Mixed Liquors Barred.

Rory MacSnory was the village
Blacksmith and one Of the most pow-,
erfur singers In the choir OF the kirk
at AucbIeucheries To show Off his
voice to full advantage he would vary
his style from bass to alto and from
alto to treble in the same hymn
The minister had long observed that
Rory's methods were upsetting the gen
erar melody Of the congregations sing
ing; and at length he resolved to bring
the culprit to book 4
Hymn 81, he announced. .and a.
thegither. And, Mr.. Macsnory. II ye're
tae sing tenor, sing tenor, or il ye're
tae sing bass, sing bass, but well haze
nae MAR O yer shandyg affi Dundee
Advertiser.