davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12

sudden the farmer came dumping in
clean floor to exclaim:
We'll. ma what'd 1 tell you? The
nero and the millionaire wants to be-
come our son-in-law. He's in love
with Hetty, and he wants to stay on
ana win her heart. He'll wire-fence
the farm for half price, and he thinks
ne can get me $50 off the price of a
windmill. I've given my consent tc
the marriage, but he wants to know
what You think of it,
The wife had her mouth open 10
reply when the knocker sounded on
the front door and a woman was In
waiting TO ask if a Mr.. Meeker was
stopping there. The question had
hardly been answered when a second
and third drove up, an dthe last an
nounced that the wire-fence man was
skating for the woods. Each of the
three claimed him for her hero and
millionaire husband, and all were
talking at once and berating each 9TH
er. when Hetty and Mr.. watterson
quietly entered and the latter as
quietly said
"Mr. Johnson, 7 have the honor Of
asking your consent to my marriage
with your daughter"
1t was several hours later. when a
johnson was doing the milking that
he muttered to himself:
"Ho, now, but what you about, you
old one-horned critter! Dang 1t, but
can't help but think of that ere
Meeker, and that ere Watterson, and
the old woman, and Hetty, and them
three wives. There's another, but he's
too big fool to think of-and that's
me. and if this internal COW don't stop
switching her tail I'll chop it off with
an Copyrighted 1907, by Mary
McKeon.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12
LAYH1 WKER JOTS

Coffeyville has grown SO large tnat
it's dessicating works must pc en-
larged.
Two hundred and seventy-hve men
engaged in a wolf hunt up at agra anu
got two coyotes.
Norton not only is in the daily
newspaper class, but it is to have an
automobile BARN 1t has not yet trleo
to call it a garage.
Miss Lemon. of Coffeyville, has gone
on a visit to ElDorado, but there is no
intimation that she will hand herself
to any ElDorado young man.
An Osborne county hog breeder re-
Gently sold fifty head Of fine hogs at
auction for $10,287.50. 1t looks as
though it pays to raise good stock.
Kirwin congratulates itself that it's
streets were laid out on liberal scale.
otherwise, 1t says, there would not pc
room in them to accommodate the
crowds that come there to trade
"How's your health this morning ?"
hailed a citizen of Wellington of
rather deaf acquaintance. yes, sir, L
think so, too" replied the man with
the poor hearing. Il think they Will
acquit him"
An lola man has just bought
blooded Persian cat Eat great ex-
pense." lola always keeps up-to-date.
The helpful hen has again got down
to business. Eggs are once more ship
ped from Ottawa by the carload.
Mrs. Dan Gansel of Glen Elder took
the precautions one evening recently
to lock her cave. where she kept her
canned fruit. The next evening she
had occasion to again visit the cave.
When she turned the key and opened
the door a strange man rushed by her
and disappeared from sight. He had
been locked in there a night and a
day The evidence was plentiful that
he had had canned fruit for breakfast,
dinner and supper
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12
HUMOR OF THE DIY

DO DO you think that the session of con-
gress was success?"
. 1t was, answered Farmer Corntossel,
a great success. 1t didn't do any partic-
ular damage. ashington Star.
Your name.' he stammered, isis
written on my heart
''Yes?" she whispered. ''But-but
wouldn't it be much nicer if your name
Judge.
proposals this year.
Belief didn't think she knew so many
Mellon. sixteen of them were from
Chollie Saphedde.-Philadelph Record.
Old Hunks-Didn't you marry me for my
money? Answer me that. madam
Mrs; Hunks-Certainly 1 did. And we'd
stingy with it.-Chicago Tribune.
81 don't see what you growlin' at. sence
MY fren," said Brother Dickey. ''treas-
ure in heaven is one thing, en- ten dollars
In de bank is another. Atlanta Consti-
s,' %Ahg he, he sighed. Il have long wor-
We'll. she replied. coidly, IF it is nee
t eSs9gy i, Tor r, you to worship me at all
the boarding house for him.1Chicago o Dai,
ly News.
war Dd yoH MRS cock st ea y you without any
Yes. and without any spoons. too."-
Baltimore American.
What changed her into new woman?
She hasn't been one long,
No; it was the knowledge that she was
getting old."-Puck.
you point with pride to the fact that
you were never investigated.
Certainly answered Senator Sor-
ghum. 1t shows that I have not been
careless. "-Washingto Star.
Said She-One has to put up with a
plished pianist.
Said He-Yes. and just think how much
more the neighbors have to put up with
Chicago Daily News.
Swellup (after the dinner)-Yes, I told
that pretty girl next to me everything I
knew.
RIVAL noticed you were pretty quiet
over AT that end of the table.-Detroit
Free Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12
GLOBE SIGHTS.
[From the Atchison Globe.1

lf rom tne Atcn1SOn GlODe.
Tell us woman's age and we can tell
you what she prays for
Occasionally imposition travels around
under the garb of friendship.
When a man says money will do any
thing, that settles it: he hasn't any.
After a child is twenty-five its mother
has no right to tell how old it is.
Some men are so greedy at breakfast.
they can tell what they want for din
ner.
o, for the enthusiasm of a girl. A girl
who sings in a choir calls three dollars
month salary.
Every time woman gives a party
she invites two or three that she really
wishes would decline.
A man is compelled to behave as well
in a little town as in heaven If he
would avoid being talked about.
1t is about as much trouble to get
girl ready to go away to school as it is
to get her ready to be married.
Every man imagines he is strong
willed until he encounters a temptation
which exactly fits his case.
Some women imagine they are maxi
ing a Lenten sacrifice when they are
saving money for an Easter hat.
A man should have no secrets from
his wife, except the surprise parties he
gets up on her birthdays.
"A girl always places lHS ploPSI as
at which she thinks people should
marry, at a year ahead of her own
Nearly every mature woman knows
the nature of man, but will not admit
that he has any right to be that way.
The general opinion of women seems
to be that men love with every part OF
their bodies except their hearts.
What has become of the old-fashioned
woman who made apple dumplings, and
then made dip to pour over them?
Girls don't kiss each other as much as
they used to, and they don't kiss the
men more: they are learning to get
along without it.
The theory that a barking dog won't
bite. is not very consoling when your
slumber is disturbed by the nelghbor-
hood ours.
When a dog costs it's owner mora than
a hundred dollars, the dog doesn't re-
ceive as many compliments as its own
err receives criticisms.
We all have different ideas: A bill
collectors idea of a perfect gentleman
Is one who waits for the bill collector,
instead of sending in his check.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12

the work up right. The ten-dollar-a-
day idea is entirely wrong. The pres
ent session will last nearly SIS days and
the members will receive about $3.50
day for the entire time, out of which
they must pay their election expenses
unless the railroads or some sena-
torial candidate naid them.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12

Green to allow Holiday to be nomina-
ted. 1t is, something Of mystery
what Mr. Swendson hopes to gain by
making this mayoralty race. but this
is a free country and anyone is at lib
erty to run for office if he chooses.
The man who most nearly represents
the best interests of Topeka is MI
Green. He has won his position Dy d
life time Of business integrity and
square dealing. Will the voters give
him the expression he deserves at the
primary tomorrow?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
[From the Chicago News.l

IFrom the Chicago News1
It's only the mud we throw that soils
our hands.
Things that make n woman feel b!ue
are apt to make man smile
A mans business has reached the limit
when he quarrels with himself
The charity which begins at home is ant
TO be out when poor relations call
If you would cause a woman's heart IN
ache aim at the object of her affections.
1t sometimes happens that two men re-
main friends for life-if they never have
occasion to try to prove anything to each
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12

While we are talking about natural
gas and the benefit it has been to To-
peka, 1t might be we'll to recall that
other Kansas towns of Importance also
have it. and the little city of Ottawa
not only secured natural gas at just as
cheap rates as Topeka gets. but the
natural gas people paid the city of
Ottawa $4,000 for its franchise
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12

It is a gross error to say that the
proposed amendment to the constitu-
ton changing the pay of the legisla-
tors will give them ten dollars day
No legislature ever gets through in
fifty days. If the members were paid
q stated salary. they would probably
be in session something like hun
dred days and would take time to do
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12
THE CoNfMoN MAN.

I m neither very bad nor good,
But just about
The KIND OF person people could
Well do without.
My presence dotn evoke no cheer;
1 m not boyle children fear:
Just why l am permitted here
am IN doubt.
I've haunted no ones nights or days
TO terrorize,
Nor spread my mantle in their ways,
Sir Walter-Wise.
l simply jog along my way
And ear three meals every day,
Nor seek the hero's part to play
Where trouble lies.
do not go about the streets
TO air my ills,
Nor do 1 ill the yellow sheets
With scandal thrills.
L never beat my child or wife,
Nor for them 1eoDardize my life,
But when they dance TO fashions fife
pay the bills.
hope I never need confess
To some great sin;
know I'll not for righteousness
A halo win
1 m neither crook, nor saint, nor seer;
Just plain man with no veneer;
All! that's the reason 1 am here
Just to fill in.
Mt IA
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
rFrom the New York Press.l

IFrom the New 1olk FTess-J
Some people are so mean they plan to
be late enough at church for the collec-
ticn plate to have been passed.
If o woman was willing to have her
husband stay out late at night probably
he wouldn't want to.
A man is never thoroughly domesticated
until he can button his wife up the back
without swearing more than seventeen
times.
When you see a woman cutting some
thing out of the newspaper it's either
about complications or how to make furni-
ture out of dry goods boxes
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12

Very likely Senator Bailey does not
see why Spooner should have resigned.
He would have taken that job as rail-
road attorney at $4,000 a year and
still held his seat in the senate. Or
perhaps he might have aided Jim
Hill as a matter of friendship in legal
matters and then have borrowed
$4,000 of him about once a year.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12

1t seems that the railroads do not pro-
pose to accede to the two-cent fare law
in Nebraska without a fight, after all.
This will AFFORD an excellent opportuni-
ty to see just how good a two-cent fare
law is in the courts.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12

The senate also refused to allow the
poor Pullman company to be harassed
by having it's rates cut down. The
Pullman company must have chance
TO accumulate another thirty million
dollar melon.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12

The railroads are abandoning some
of their fast trains because CT the re-
duction in railroad fares Let US nope
that this will also cause d1minutloh
NJ railroad wrecks.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12

Senator spooner resigned unexpected
Nv. There is little probability tna'
Plat and Depew, however, Will resign
1,nexpectedly or any other way.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12

Since an anti-pass bill has been
adopted the Abilene Reflector says:
Now watch the millennium come over
the hill" But a good many people
are too busy regretfully watching the
pass disappear down the road.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12

Senator Spooner evidently did not
regard that $4,000 raise in salary
which was given to congressman as
amounting to much when Uncle Jim
Hill came along and offered him
$4,000 raise
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12

1t was supposed that Tom Kelly's
hold on the state treasury was Jared
loose when he went out of office in jan
uary. but that appears to have been a
mistake from the senate's point of
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12

If Frank Nelson accepts that presi-
dency of a Minnesota college that has
been offered him, Kansas will lose one
of its best citizens. Minnesota ought
TO give kansas something in place of
~
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12

Now that congress has adjourned and
the legislatures ere about to go nome
the closed season for railroad magnates
is about to begin.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12

Senator Spooner win become rail-
road attorney at $4,000 year. There
are some compensations for resignlns
from the senate after all
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12

sThe Peoples Lobby forgot to do
anything, but it probably could not
have accomplished much with the sen
ate lodge" anyway.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12

1t is now against the law TOT nlsh
school boys and girls to organize ira
ternities, but they can still write notes
TO one another when the teacher ISM
looking.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12

Congress has adjourned, but as the
chautauqua season does not open TOT
several weeks, the congressman VIII
have a short time to become acquainted
with their families.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12

Perhaps that $4,000 was to help pay
Thomas Todd Kelly for his good worn
as one of the bosses of the senate
s.lodge"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12

I The insanity expert who goes against
Mr.. Jerome appears to be running
risk of encountering brain storm him.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12

"Also." says the Kansas City star.
''the public is beginning to wonder II
thev make anything besides notor
cars in Toledo Well, they make Ice
trusts hehaNe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12

There will be other legislatures
cheerfully says the Leavenworth Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12
ERON OTHER PENS
WE KILL TOO MANY PEOPLE.


During the first eight weeks of the
present year about 175 people were
killed in railroad accidents and about
425 We're injured. We Americans are
very callous about our annual list of
the dead and wounded travellers and
railroad employees. The minor cas-
ualties make little impression on the
public mind though they count up in
the annual total The big accidents are
more effective in jolting our sensibili-
ties and of these there have been so
many of late that travellers nerves are
unusually sensitive. In seven disasters
on five roads since New Years, 1913
persons were killed and 313 were in
jured. The railroads have the strong
est possible motives for avoiding acct
dents. Shifts that result in dead pas
sengers and wrecked machinery save
neither time nor money. How our rail-
road mortality is to be reduced is a
question for our railroad experts to
solve. And 1t must be solved. Not
only in the case of the railroads but
in a hundred other fields of our activi-
ties we Americans are disreputably
careless and wasteful of human life.
1t is not compatible with our claim to
be a highly civilized people that we
should put up with so much industrial
killing as we do.-Harper's Weekly.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12
SCARCE

Another reason for cutting down the
number of railroad wrecks is that they
usually kill the engineers, and good
engineers are getting scarce.-Phila-
delphia Inquirer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12
Advertising in Europe.

Socrates, when taken by his dis
ciples to an exposition held in the city
of Ath ems, exclaimed as he beheld the
array, How many things there are in
the world that 1 don't want! If the
population of the world were made up
Of barefooted philosophers, foreign
trade would perish" says Harold
Bolce in Appletons Magazine. I'm
this commercial age the restlessness of
a peoples wants is the mark of their
progress and nothing succeeds in pro-
voking these wants more than adver-
Using. 1t is rather astounding to the
traveller abroad to find that Italy is the
most persistent advertiser in Europe;
and a glance at it's material advance in
the past five years shows that the pro-
portion of it's increase in the industries
exceeds that of any other nation
abroad.
Europe is beginning to follow in the
steps of Japan as an advertiser, and
the Sunrise Kingdom got its billboard
Buddhist temples invariably wash
their hands in a fountain at the en-
trance before making their supplica-
lions. Formerly the priests hung
towels there. Now the merchants OF
Toxic and other cities furnish the
temples with free towels, reserving the
privilege of printing their advertise
ments on them. The whole world is
beginning to advertise. and Europe
particularly offers a fine field to the
advertising genius of America. I be-
lieve," continues Mr.. Bolce, that al
most any American novelty thorough
ly announced on the signboards and
pillars of the Old World, would have
an Immediate and sweeping SALE
The Apathy of the Chorus Girl.
The ambitions of a chorus girl, as
rule. die young, and as many refuse
lines as accept them. There was a
girl-one of four sisters. who at the
time were all in the chorus of various
musical organizations, and 1 imagine
still are. One night last season, at thu
Grand opera house in New York. the
scubrette of the company was too i'll
to appear and her understudy was also
absent. In his predicament the stage
manager appealed to this particular
chorus girl to go on and read the lines
as well as she could. The girl said
she would not only read the lines but
could sing the songs as well. All of
which she did, and did with cnhdence
and ability and for the first time in
her life had a spotlight follow her
about the stage and heard waves of
applause rush over the footlights, |
which were intended for her and her |
only After it was all over she said
quite casually to the admiring throng |
quite casually her, There's nothing |
in it. girls. I've been a chorus girl
eight Years, but I'm too old to be a |
principal. 1 hope it'll never happen
aEair."-The Outing Magazine.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12
TRyING 10 GET RICH.

A man named Rich is a fugitive
from Justice. with reward on his
head. in California. All the officers
out that way are trying to get Rich
Denver Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12
MILEAGE

The perfection Of cOngressiOna
junket is one with a mileage attach
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Ledger.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12
Chicago ACKNOWLEDGEMENT.
kingston Negro and the Earthquake.

Kingston Negro and the Earthquake.
Repeated mention has been made of
the failure of the blacks to do their
duty. There was one who did. l do
not know his name but the metal rem
nants on his charred corpse showed
that he was constable No. %. He was
on duty In Harbour street and escaped
injury in the earthquake. His COM
rades about him fled, but he stood
manfully to his duty of rescuing the
wounded, and had borne many to the
King street market, wharf when he
made his last journey back. Those
who saw him say the white tunic that
covered his broad shoulders was al
most entirely red with blood. The
flames were swooping down on the
district where hundreds had been
caught under the debris and he work.
ed like mad to get at least some of the
helpless out of the way before they
persisted by fire. No one will ever
know just what the end was. The
boatmen who were taking the wound
ed from the wharf saw him go back to
the verge of the roaring hell and the
next morning the searchers found the
charred remains of two bodies lying
very close together. One of them was
the heroic constable.
The earthquake was a terrible thing
for the white Jamaicans and for the
business interests of Kingston, but it
did not seriously affect the mass of
the population, the blacks. The brief
what l heard one of the old negro
preachers praying in a prayer meeting
of refugees in one of the parks. After
rendering up gratitude for the saliva
ton of all around him from the cal
amity that had been caused by the
wickedness and the oppression of the
white people, he shouted, But Glory
Hallelujah Court House him all GAVIN,
Hosawnah in de 'ighest, de Jail him
all smosh 1.-THE World Today.
How Judge Shute Mixed His Letters.
Judge Sl.ute, the author, tells this
story himself:
My careless habit of mixing letters
near got me into a serious scrape some
years ago. I was then paying ardent
and persistent attention to the present
Mrs. Shute. l also had a client, very
aged woman, for whom 1 was conduct
ing trivial lawsuit, but which, like
all lawsuits in which women are par
ties. assumed tremendous importance
in her eyes
IT wrote two letters, one to the young
my Dear Miss K: Will you ride
with me Saturday afternoon? 1 have
secured a new saddler, which l think
you will like. If agreeable, be ready
at about o'clock
ITO the old lady. who had annoyed
me greatly by practically demanding
my entire time and attention, I ad-
dressed this:
Lear Mdudtl. ain uHdole 70 give
you any more of my time and atten-
ton. The matter is now settled, and
1 have other engagements of greater
Importance to which 1 must devote my
whole time
These letters got mixed-the letter
to Miss K. being addressed to the old
lady, the letter to the old lady to Miss
K.
Hearing nothing, 1 was on hand with
the horse ard a very stony-faced young
lady requested an explanation of the
letter. Whether the old lady was
ready that afternoon I never knew, as
1 sent a clerk to explain matters.
LAS a matter of fact, lost a client
and very nearly lost a ife."-Boston
Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12
PROOF OF HIS INSANITY.

A PittSburg man says Harry IhaW
once expressed a desire to run for gov
ernor of Pennsylvania on the Demo-
cratic ticket.-Houston Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12
FOR A SQUARE DEAL.

Private capital, no less than the
public money of state and national
governments, has been poured out
copiously in building up a system of
land transportation that now totals
nearly half the rail mileage of the
world. With the. exception of a road
that is still owned by the state of
Georgia and another by the state of
North Carolina. practically 'all the
roads built outright by the several
states or with state or federal aid have
passed under private control. The an
tagonism which Mr. Hartman cites
takes its rise not in the desire of gov
eminent to recover possession. but to
secure adequate service at equitable
rates in behalf of the people in their
interchange of commerce.-St. Louis
Republic.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-12
cEy1yr1Nc READY

The Washington and Boston base
ball clubs will soon begin whipping
themselves into shape for the coming
laughter.-Newark News.