Sequachee Valley news. (Sequachee [Sequatchie], Tenn.) 1896-1952, 1907-03-14
Dcfetebit's Nonsense.

l am jist back frum fildelfa, Pensa-
vana. | seed many a site but | never
seed Gofetchits match. I'll tell you
why and what mean. Me an young
Smith and John Smith, we went in
kerhoot and sent to Pensiltuckey and
ordered gallon of good ole fine yaller
corn brandy fer dollar an dime a
gallon and when it canned we cud not
drink it so we tried to sweeten it up
and make toddy of it, but we cud not
drink it that way. SO we grieved
about our muney but we cud not drink
1t still We give dog tee spoon an
it jest lived . seckents by the watch,
and so nabor told us to give it to our
hogs. He said what wood kill dog
wood faten a hog, so we did and they
both died. They died right now.
We treeted all of our friends, about
a hundred and fifty, in all, and still
had nearly a gallon left
| So the other mite we invited another
crowd of our friends around to drink
with us, but they cud not drink it.
So one of them sed, II bet dollar ole
! Gofetchit can drink it, Sc we sent for
him an he cum at once. We passed the
jug to him an he turned it up to his
he'd an drunk quort of it fore he took
it away frum that siphon of his n.
Then he smacked his lips and sed,
''Purty fair whiskey" He stayed I'M
tel he drunk all but about pint and
next day he cum around and finished
that, and wanted to no when we was
goin to make another order. Said he
wanted to send in with us next time.
Well, that whiskey wood kill man
or beast but it did not take no affect
on Gofetchit. He must have sheet
iron stummick. So, go it, Gofetchit.
If had a stummick big and as iron
ey as you have I'd go it too.
Georg Bradfield is goin on huntin
tower this week
young men, all very BEAUTIFUL, slip
ped off frum there wives the other mite
and went to a dance. One of them
beat his he'd agin tree until his hart
stopped beetin fer few minits. One
of them tried to play single man at
the dance but he was caught up with
before the dance brok up. One sed his
wife didn't care wher he went or what
he done, but he found out she did care
jest about the time the dance was over
and now / will say for myself | WASH t
there. | always stay at home like a
good little husband. always stay at
home and don t take my little Ratchet
and cut down no cherry trees. new
er tell my wife fib. Now, | am not
/ like George Washington dady.
IT, Georges dady got after him about
cuttin down the gooseberry tree and
George he denied il. So the ole man
said, "Now, George, l believe you
did," But George denyed it agin.
Then the ole man looked George in the
eyes and sed, ''Well done, George,
good an noble boy. I wood rather you
wood tell a thousand lyes than to cut
down one checkergoosberyfg tree.
You, my boy. will make a president
sum day." And he did. No, | wood
be as far frum telln my wife ly as |
wood frum takin a drink of beer.
Now say have lyed.
Some boys like to play soldier. Now,
4>boys, I was in the Spanish American
war and have sum experience as a sol
dier, SO here is good way for you tt
play soldier. Soldiers always go in 2s
| 81 q VI JOu SCO OuO OlI LILO SblOOUS'
One of you stagger and the other one
hold him up.
The moon will soon be rite to plant
potatoes and other things in
Now, it is a site to hear Gofetchit,
! tell how much electrisity there is in q
man. He sails man has 40 volts, I
amper an coil of wire in him, al
sails sum men have morn others. Sum
have SO much that they can't carry +.
watch. The watch will stop if they
carry it in their pockets and sun hav'
none and they die. Now, they do.
Everybody elce is sayin speeches
verses an poultry in their letters so
. will give you one in the wind up
Here is my verse
! Here | stand on little chips,
: Now all of you girls come an see if
amt.