The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1907-11-23
~~~~~~~~~~

|
you out. Johnny-What am 1? Dot
NOBODY. Johnny-Goodness gracious,
l am discovered!
Pa-Why did you go out in the rain
today without an umbrella, John?
JOHNNY ate salt nackerel this morn
Ing for breakfast, and that keeps me
dry.
Johnny-Say, dad, If ate a chop
and you ordered one and ate it, what
would your phone number BET Pa
Give 1t up, son. Johnny-It would be
1-2.
Little Edna-What Is leisure"
mamma? Mamma-It's the spare time
woman has in which she can do some
other kind of work, my dear.-Chicaso
Daily News.
He (sententiously)-I always speak
my mind. She (tartly)-I suppose
that Is why you have the reputation of
being a man of SO few words.-Balti.
more American.
Mother-Whatever are you doing to
poor dolly, child? Child-I'm just go
Ing to put her to bed, mummy. I've
taken Off her hair, but I can't get her
teeth out-Sourlre.
Old Lady (improving the occasion)-
You know, boys, it's only the body
which lies here. Now, what is it goes
to Heaven? Small Boy tentatively
is 'ead, mum.-Pick-Me-U
Nell-Yes, she said her husband mar
ried her for her beauty. What do you
think of that? Believed, think her
husband must feel like a widower now.
Catholic Standard and Times.
Mistress-Bridget have you cement
which you dropped yesterday? Bridget
Il started to, Mum, but most unfor-
tunately dropped the cement bottle
Punch.
1.-THE body Of the late Major links
was cremated." what they goin' to
do with it?" "IIis widow has him
corked up in fruit jar. Says it's the
last of the family jars."-Atlanta Con-
stitution.
The Wife, during a quarrel-I'm 60
Ing right home to mother; 80 there!
The Husband-That's right, dear, Of
two evils always choose the less. Please
don't bring your mother here-Yon-
kers Statesman.
Pa-You naughty boy, you've been
fighting again! Johnny-No, pa, l was
only trying to keep bad boy from
hurting a little boy. Pa-That was
noble act, my sou; who was the little
| boy? Johnny-Me.
Department Store Manageable
| clerk In the butter department says he's
not going to lie about our butter any
more. The Boss-What salary does he
get? Manager-Eight dollars a week.
The Boss-Giye him nine.
Sweet Singer-De Hammer says he
has high place in the next show he
goes out with. Comedlan-Well, I
should say 1t is high. He sits In the
flies and tears up paper for the snow
storm scene.-Chlcago News.
Dot heard your soldier brother
wrote you birthday letter Was there
any war news in It? JOHNNY don't
know. You see 1t was printed on the
envelope Return In Eve days." So l
kept 1t that long and then sent 1t back.
Waiter Girl lin restaurant) We've
got frogs legs, chicken livers, calves
brains and-Johnny turning to his
pal say, dad, they must be queer
people who live In this place. Don't
you think they ought to call in doc
/ tori
| as Mrs. Wise at homer" inquired
Mrs. Chatters. standing In the shadow
of the doorway. II don't know, ma'am,"
replied the servant. II can't tell till I
| git better look at ye. If we've a wart
on the side o. yer nose, ma'am, she
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Press.
"Thar, my son, you see what larnln'
done fer yer daddy, don't your What,
mawf "why, Jest as soon as the gov
er'mint knowed that he could do figrcrs
In his head they p'inted him postmaster
at 500 year, an purity soon he'll be
sellin' stamps what goes on letters !"-
| Atlanta Constitution.
"But," asked the proprietor Of the
Bongtong apartments, do you think
this man Is the best one you can get for
janitor7" "The best eyer!" replied the
manager. "He has been at various
times an lceman and a street-car con-
ductor. He's as sassy and Independent
as he can be."-Philadelphla Press
"What would like" said the eager
young actress, as part with death
scene In It. never fail to make a big
hit when I die" ~ don't doubt It."
replied the heartless manager, "aud
may say that you would make the big.
Rest hit OF your life II you would go
away somewhere and die right now
Chicago Record Herald.
Johnny (sitting up In his bed al
II 80 D. m. Dad. I'm so thirsty. Pa
Lie quietly and go to sleep. Johnny
latter a pause) -But, dad, must have
a drink Of water. I'm so thirsty. Pa
II YOU don't go to sleep this minute III