Los Angeles herald., 1907-06-25
LIKES MORTON'S
PECULIAR STYLE
WHAT ONE MAN DOES WITH
OLD ALMANACS
Jokes Twenty Years Old Sound Funny
When Delivered in Clever
Performers Happy
Vein

The man from the desert walked up
to the ticket window at the Orpheum
last night and modestly asked for a
seat. The time was exactly $3.50 and
there had not been a ticket in the
| rack for over half an hour. The sold
out sign was quietly indicated by the
man inside.
Not a seat anywhere?" asked the
mining man.
Nothing doing" was the reply.
"And you won't let me stand up?"
Cant. It's contrary to the city or
dinances'
Now zee here, pardy, I've just come
in from the desert" pleaded the
stranger in town. IT'S two years since
1 saw a show, and five since 1 was in
side the Orpheum. Can't you do some-
thing for me?"
Just then hurry-up call for a doctor
in the audience came in, and when the
medical man had got into his automo-
bile the man from Arizona was given
the vacant seat.
About an hour later he came forth
from the theater with his hat in his
hand and a real Arizona laugh all over
his face. He leaned up against the
wall and laughed some more. When
the convulsion passed he came up to
the box office window.
"Pard," he said to the man inside,
Il just had to come cut. Couldn't stand
it any longer. People thought 1 was
crazy, 1 guess. Well, 1 amt, but that
fellow Morton would make a cactus
laugh. He is certainly the loud noise.
Yes, sir, Morton's all to the good, he
is.'S
Likes the Sensation
-bof hn hot
funny?' querieu an interested listener
Say? Well, 1 don't know just what
he did say, and it don't make any diff
ference. You would laugh if he told
you your mother was dead. 1t amt
what he says, but how he says it."
And he went back inside to get an
other shock.
The opinion of the man who had not
seen show for two years is ins full
accord with the criticism of the weekly
visitor at the Orpheum.
James j. Morton is the king pin of
the vaudeville wagon. He can tell new
and original jokes, but prefers to hash
UP all the oldest and most nonsensical
trash he can dig out of the almanacs
of twenty years ago.
Talking of his methods in producing
laughter, he said: Il used to put In
a lot of time and thought concocting
new jokes and stunts. But l found
that they were no longer my own
twenty minutes after 1 had delivered
them. Somebody else would take them
UP and make capital out of them. After
all, there is not so much credit in MAX
ing people laugh with a good joke. That
is it's own funmaker. But 1T takes
good man to get effect out of bum
joke or an old joke.
II rely now on a string of nonsense
that is simply absurd when it is read.
Much of it is old, you may have heard
it many times and from many different
people. 1t is all my own for all that.
But a great deal of it is stuff that
else could get away with.
And the peculiar part of it is that If
I try something new, a joke or stunt
that I have worked like the devil in
up and know is good, the man
ager comes around afterwards and
says:
" GOOD God, why didn't you tell them
those stories you had last year"
Take Long Breath
Morton is writing a book. The book
Is a good sample of the Morton style
Of humor. He has complete1 three
chapters Here they are:
George Lake started for the west
the train was late was the train late
said it was oh very well George spoke ;
to the engineer 1t is late said the en-
gineer because it was late when they
gave it to me and 1 have to be very {
careful about it for If l broke anything
on it 1 would have to pay for it George
Lake married in the west and one night
his wife missed the cat where is the cat
she said did she say where is the cat
indeed she did George replied put the !
eat outside his wife looked out the door
and found the cat outside George Lake
had spoken the truth for the first time
IN his life isn't rather queer indeed it is
chapter two George Lake had pimple
On his nose and he went into a saloon
and asked for a drink he did we'll
didn't l say he did oh all right the bar
tender saw the pimple and while intent
On examining 1t mixed the wrong drink
for George Lake too bad wasn't it l {
guess it was he drank the wrong drink
and would not pay for it fight en-
sued you say they had fight that's
what 1 said oh all right let it go at
that never fight in saloons chapter
three George Lake went back home and
ais mother said hello George but he did
lot reply he was sore why was George {
sore because he found the family goat
had died too bad to be continued"
Writing books is easy enough, says
Norton, if one is content to have them {
lust like the books the other fellows
ire writing. But Morton is going to s
Jake time and Pains and produce some- {
hing different.