The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1907-05-04
AMERICAN VIZ 1HRKTeRT.


William Shakespeare, who codihed
our English speaking conversational
laws, made his admirable wise fool
Touchstone divide the more or less
pleasant custom of giving ones ad-
versary the lie into seven classes.
ranging from the Retort Courteous
to the Lie Direct. The field Of poll
tics is more prolific in famous instan.
ces of retort than any other.
An illustration of the nimble and
caustic wit of Alexander H. Stephens
of Georgia in Sentorial debate oc-
Cured on the floor of the Senate in a
heated argument with Robert Toombs,
also Of Georgia. Stephens, although
possessed of one of the most power
full brains of his time, was lame and
had wizened little body. Tcombs
was one of a clustering, spluttering
type. He had argued with Stephens
until he was hcarse and became so ex-
asperated that he threatened to fight.
However, consideration Of the size Of
his opponent deferred him, and turn
ing he said: "I won't fight ycu, but
I could swallow you WHOLE Ste
phens retorted: eff you did you
would have more brains in your
stomach than you eyer had in your
head"
Tennessee bred two great orators
in the olden days ys-Andrew Johnson,
a Democrat, once President of the
United States, and Gustavus A..
Henry, Q Whig, known as the Eagle
orator of the South" They ran
against each other for Governor, and
when long series of joint debates
had reached its close johnson ad-
dressed the Wings in the audience !:
''I have spoken with the boasted
eagle orator from the Mississippi
River to the Unaka Mountains and
as yet see no flesh in his talons or
blood on his peak. Quick as a
flash Henry was on his feet saying
"The American eagle is proud bird
and feeds not on carrion."
Champ Clark, in speech on civil
service refotm, told story ofa sharp
retort to an examination question pro-
pounded by the civil service board.
A man applying for position to run
an elevator was asked: How many
troops did England send to the colo
MES during the Revolutionary War =
The reply was IA damn sight
more than,ever went back"
Senator ingalls, was always quick
in retort, although he was himself a
subject of some sharp shafts. Once
he was attacked by Senator Eli Sauls-
bury of Delaware, the second small.
est state in the Union. He disposed
of the whole matter by saying: Il
thank the Senator from that great
state which has three counties at low
tide and two counties at high tide for
his advice"
!. The late Thomas B. Reed was a
master of all degrees Of retOrt. Once
when Jerry Simpson, the sockless
Populist from Kansas, made a speech
claiming that the House had by some
action violated the Constitution the
Speaker overruled him and was up
held by the House. Mr.. Simpson
then arose and solemnly inquired Of
the chair: "Where ami at?'' Mr..
Reed scathingly retorted: "No
mortal man could possibly divine the
answer to such battling question"
One of the best retorts in history
occurred when Parson Brownlow was
war Governor of Tennessee. Onone
of his journeys he attended service at
a small Methodist church in the up.
per part of the state. The parson
was a devout Methodist and seldom
allowed his political rancor TO inter
fere with the charity of his religious
faith. On this occasion, being Wis
iting clergyman, he was placed in the
"Amen corner" near the pulpit. The
local minister was as ardently Demo
cratic in his views as Gov. Brownlow
was Republican. In the prayer
which followed the lengthy sermon
the minister began to call on the Lord
for grace for his favorites. "God
bless Felix Grundy," he began
Parson Brownlow moved uneasily in
his seat but responded with a con-
scientious "Amen." "God bless
Robert E. Lee, continued the preach
er. A fainter "Amen" from Parson
Brownlow. "God bless the whole
Democratic party" cried the preach
er, waxing in fervor as he progressed
This was too much for the Governor
With a bound he was on his feet
shouting:
"God forbid It would bankrupt
divine grace and exhaust the whole
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