Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-04-14
ANSWERS TO
CORRESPONDENTS

lln this column viii be answered all questions Of
= proper nature submitted to The Star. inquirers
tiers Uncle Jasper" Star Office. In case OF aim.
cult conundrums answer. may he delayed for
all auestioners to watch this column carefully.I
MUNICIPAL.-I heard the other day that
Chicago was now looked down upon by
every other city in the United States. Can
this be true? A.-Worse than that. You
! probably didn't know that Mayor Dunno
had decided to go upon the lecture plat
form.
BOT.-Where do all the flies go, Uncle
Jasper? Awe can't tell you about I'll OF
| them. but Keller got one last Thursday
that We thought was safe. Gosh ding It,
B. Fl. K.-Who is the most remarkable
and talented linguist in the world, Uncle
Jasper? A.-Representative Sherman OF
New York, chairman of the republican con-
gressional campaign committee. Mr.. Sher-
man recently was silent In twenty four Lam
guages. Wireless messages are great mod
ern educators.
FAM understand that Tom Connolly
is fine umpire and has the brightest pair
of lamps in the American Leagues indica-
tor staff A.-His lamps are all right but
he had the shades drawn a couple OF times
last Thursday. Remember that Laporte
drive into the crowd?
Uncle Jasper improves this opportunity TO
state that, In order to receive consideration.
serious or otherwise, communications must
bear upon their face evidence of some faint
symptoms OF intelligence in the writer A
perusal of this column may incline the gem
tie reader to the belief that not
consistent. But that makes no difference.
We are making the rules.
Grandmothers are dying By hundreds
And cousins and uncles as well;
The death rate is rapidly rising
1t Is really too dreadful to tell.
Together the stricken relations.
In order to conquer their grief,>
Meet at p. m. at chosen spot
In search of bit of relief.
But they sob at the sight of an error,
They weep at the hitless curves,
And the very, very sorrowful ones
Eat peanuts to soothe their nerves.
NJ. X. M.-Where is Hartman at present?
Ale does not know; how could we be
expected to? Be reasonable, please.
STYLISH.-Uncle Jasper, why has the
| facial massage treatment become so popu-
lar of late? A.-Because. Sly, 1t Is no
longer considered good form to appear at
| work in the morning with the receipted bar
bill for the night before on your counte-
nance. Savvy. chappie?
EXPLORER Has Waller " ellman
started for the north pole yet? A.-Wh.ch
start do you mean? According to the pub
lie prints there's another coming off
in July. We've lost track OF the number.
LOCAL.-Wouldn't the President make Il
fine base ball player? Ave can't 1t.
His big stick has bumps on it. and nails in
the end. That's what Hartman saYs-and
he certainly ought to know
j. J. K.-Don't you think that the fact
of a Newark woman getting blood poison
from stepping tack while searching
through her husbands trousers will teach
women not to do this? A.-No, do not,
but We are willing to opine to the extent
of weeks salary that every woman who
reads that paragraph will see to il here
after that the bed room floor is tacklesS.
ETHE.L.--Dear Uncle Jasper, you never
sent me that spring poem asked you for.
A-EXcuse US Eth We plumb overlooked
it. Here's one entitled always Keep The
Plasters by Your Side 1t ambles along
this way:
Gathers no indication
OF truly early spring;
Nor are the tender flowers,
Nor the songs the wild birds sing.
don't consider that spring Is here
Till my with joy greets
The waling of the hucksterS
Selling stra wberrfeS in the streets.
POLITICAL understand that Secre-
tary of War Taft has been doing lot of
running around among his friends since his
boom was launched. Is this so? A.-Sure;
he's been running around In a Foraker lot.
Oh, splash, Amt We the cut-up?
REGINALD.-What is the present status
of the $JOO0OO0 conspiracy. recently discov-
cred? Ave surprised at you. Regi-
maid. Who ever heard of dream having a
status. Do not annoy us IN this way
again.
CHIRO.-How many rs are there in
dizzy? At depends entirely on
whether you just little bit dizzy.
quite "dizzzzy'' or extremely ''dZzZzzZzZy.
We've seen people all three ways. The
next stage isn't spelt the same way.
UNCLE JASPER.