davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Mercur miner. [volume] (Mercur, Utah) 1895-1913, 1907-10-23
QUALITIES OF WIT AND HuMoR
Alike, Yet in Many Ways Fundament-
ally Different.

Wit and humor are such elemental
fundamental things that II has always
been found diihcult to analyze them,
says a writer in The Atlantic. Upon
some points. however, those who have
essayed this puzzling task agree. for
they all hold that wit Is an intel
lectual. humor an emotional, quality;
that wit is a perception OF resem.
blance, and humor perception OF
contrast, Of discrepancy. of incongru-
fly. The incongruity is that which
arises between the ideal and the fact,
between theory and practice. between
promise and performance; and per-
haps 1t might be added that IL is al
ways or almost always a moral In
congruity. In the case both Of wit
and humor there is also a pleasurable
surprise, a gentle shock. which ac-
companies our perception of the hith-
erto unsuspected resemblance or In
congruity. A New England farmer
was once describing in the pres
ence OF a very humane person the
great age and debility OF horse that
he formerly owned and used. "You
ought to have killed him." interrupt
ed the humane person Indignantly
-wen." drawled the farmer I'VE die
almost"
The Mercur miner. [volume] (Mercur, Utah) 1895-1913, 1907-10-23
BABY WASTED TO SKELETON.
In Torments with Terrible Sores on
Face and Body-Tore at Flesh
Cured by cutioura.

my little son, when about a year
and a half old began to have sores
come out on his face. They began TO
come on his arms, then on other parts
of his body. and then one came on HIS
chest, worse than the others. At the
end OF about year and half OF suf.
fering he grew so bad had TO tie his
hands In cloths at night TO keep him
from scratching the sores and tearing
the flesh. He got 10 be a mere skele'
ton and was hardly able to walk.
sent TO the drug store and got a cake
OF Cuticura Soap and box of Cuticura
Ointment, and at the end OF about two
months the sores were all well. He
has never had any sores OF any kind
since, and only for the Cuticura Rem.
edles my precious child would have
died from these terrible sores. used
only one cake OF Soap and about three
boxes OF Ointment Mrs. Egbert Shell
don. r. f. ID. No. /, Woodville. Conn.
April 22, 1906"
The Mercur miner. [volume] (Mercur, Utah) 1895-1913, 1907-10-23
GIVING HIM A CHANCE.
Surely Time for Hubby TO Do Live
ly sidestep.

Mrs. Wilson's husband was often
obliged TO go to New York on bust.
ness, and frequently did not reach his
home until the arrival OF the midnight
train. Mrs. Wilson had been in the
habit of sleeping peacefully at these
times without fear. but a number of
burglaries in the neighborhood during
one Of her husbands trips to New
York shad disturbed her calm.
On the night OF his return Mr.. VIII
son was stealing carefully up the
front stairs, as was his wont on such
occasions. so that his wife would not
be wakened. when he heard her voice,
high and strained:
Il don't know whether you are my
husband or burglar" came the ex.
cited tones. but am going to be on
the safe side and shoot, so II you are
Henry you'd better get out of the
way."--Youth's Companion.
The Mercur miner. [volume] (Mercur, Utah) 1895-1913, 1907-10-23
A REAL "Hoss" RACE.
Country Fair the Place to See II al
Its Best.

II you would see horse strap
ped, booted, braced and geared to
the limit you must seek such a
track as you see at the old.tlme
country fair. Here comes an awk-
ward flea.btten gray which never
went under $50 In his life. He is
hobbled and checked and goggled, and
hitched up sidewise. lengthwise and
crosswise until there is more har-
ness than horse. You wonder how
his driver ever got him into this rig.
glng. and how he will get him out
again without cutting him free with
a iackknlfe. A farmer with "a
gray beard and twinkling eye OBJ
serves to his neighbor:
Last time John Martin had that
plug out on the road | told him he
had the old cripple overloaded with
Observation-Disclosures Them straps
that was callated to hoist up his
knees must ha' pulled too tight and
the critter was yanked clean of the
ground What John was gettin'
ready for was n race for fyin' ma
chimes, not boss trot From The
Country Fair" by David Lansing, in
Outing
The Mercur miner. [volume] (Mercur, Utah) 1895-1913, 1907-10-23
RHEUMATISM RECIPE
PREPARE SIMPLE HOMEMADE
MIXTURE YOURSELF.
Buy the ingredients from Any Drug.
ast in Your Town and Shake
Them In a Bottle to
Mix This.

A well-known authority on Rheu-
matlsm gives the readers of large
New York daily paper the following
valuable, yet simple and harmless
prescription, which any one can easily
prepare at home:
Fluid Extract Dandelion. one.half
ounce; compound Kargon. one ounce;
Compound Syrup Sarsaparilla, three
ounces.
Mix by shaking well in bottle and
take a teaspoonful after each meal
and al bedtime.
He states that the ingredients can
be obtained from any good prescrip-
tion pharmacy at small cost, and, be-
ing vegetable extraction. are harm
less to take.
This pleasant mixture. II taken reg
ularly for few days, is said 20 over
come almost any case Of Rheumatism.
The pain and swelling. II any dimin.
ishes with each dose, until permanent
results are obtained and without in.
juring the stomach. While there are
many so-called Rheumatism remedies.
patent medicines. etc. some Of which
do give relief, few really give perma.
nent results, and the above will, no
doubt, be greatly appreciated by many
sufferers here at this time.
Inquiry at the drug stores OF even
the small towns elicits the information
that these drugs are harmless and can
be bought separately. or the druggists
will mix the prescription II asked to-
The Mercur miner. [volume] (Mercur, Utah) 1895-1913, 1907-10-23
eRAlsED MEAT THE BEST.
Many Advantages In French Method
Of Cooking.

BraIsing is combination OF roast
ing and stewing small joints Of meat
in shallow stewpan, called q
"braisoire" or braiser, which has a
close.htting lid with grooved edge
round It, on which hot Goals tchar-
coaD are placed whereby the meat
can be cooked with fire above IL as
well as under It, This process Of
cooking, It is said, greatly decreases
loss by evaporation. II is a favorito
method with the French. and is sup
posed to bring out an unusually fine
flavor and aroma.
The pan in which braise is to be
made should always be lined with
slices or bacon. carrot. onions and
herbs, upon which the meat is placed.
II is usually moistened with stock
or stock and wine The more delicate
meats, such as sweetbreads, fillets,
fowls and turkeys are sometimes Gov
cred with buttered paper; this is
done to prevent the heat from the top
of the pan scorching or imparting too
much of a roast flavor TO the meats
which are to be praised
Occasional basting during the
process OF this method of cooking is
essential. When done, the meat is
taken up. the fat removed from the
vegetables and gravy, which latter is
then reduced, strained and blended
with some kind of gravy or thin
sauce.
The Mercur miner. [volume] (Mercur, Utah) 1895-1913, 1907-10-23
MAKES THE WORK EASY.
How One Clever Woman Minimlzed
Her Labor.

One woman who does her own
homework, from preference, ends the
day with less fatigue than many
housewives who have an assistant.
She has n kitchen cabinet, a coal
range. aud a gas stove and stool
just high enough to allow her to sit
comfortably before the ironing table.
Her house is as neat as any woman
! can call to mind Her husband has
never ceased to marvel at her and
her achievements, but system and
thought are responsible for It all. It
cannot be very comfortable for man
to go home from a hard days work
TO find disorder tired woman and
picked-up meals. Left-overs can be
disguised. you know, and dainty
table appointments and an air of
serenity will cover many shortcom-
ings of the larder The majority OF
men dislike the hustle of home dress
making and should be spared that
ordeal-and few others.-Montreal
Herald.
The Mercur miner. [volume] (Mercur, Utah) 1895-1913, 1907-10-23
To Make Flowers Stand Upon Bow

Lay large platter upside down on
a good sized piece OF white mosquito
net. Then cut the net two inches
around the outline Of the platter.
Overcast the material, taking stitches
about one.-half inch deep. Next run a
drawstring-white twine-all around
the inside of the stitching; NJ over
the platter, draw tight, and tie the
Irvine. Fill the platter with water,
stick through the net short stemmed
flowers. preferably sweet peas, pan
sizes. or violets. and lean small ferns
against the outside of the platter to
hide the mosquito netting.
The Mercur miner. [volume] (Mercur, Utah) 1895-1913, 1907-10-23
Man Whose Memory Was Bad.

For more than an hour a witness
for the defense had lodged questions.
His faulty memory was part ularly
exasperating for the counsel Tor the
plaintiff, who was seeking to recall
TO the witness recollection an event
of four OF FIVE years previous. Event
ually the man remembered some
thing about IT,"
All" continued the lawyer for the
plaintiff. what id you think of It
at the timer"
Really" said the witness, speak
ing before the lawyer for the defense
had time to interpose objection, lit
was so long ago | cant recall exactly
what ! thought of It,"
We'll" shouted the cross-examin-
err, excitedly, III you cant recall, tell
us what you think now you thought
then"
The Mercur miner. [volume] (Mercur, Utah) 1895-1913, 1907-10-23

Little Tom was two years old and
talking before his proud parents took
him to be christened Though limit.
ed, his vocabulary included one or
two choice words picked up from his
father. OF course, he looked like a
perfect little cherub on the eventful
day, with his wide blue eyes and shin
ing curls and mother had got him up
in great shape for the ceremony. At
the most impressive point Tom turn
ed TO his father and exclaimed In ag-
gravated tones: why, damn IL, he
wet my head"
The Mercur miner. [volume] (Mercur, Utah) 1895-1913, 1907-10-23
Bible Names for Colts.

A hostler from the Blue Grass has
just found employment in one OF the
stables OF a New York man. His
darky dialect is 80 quaint and his
stories Of "Ole Kaintuck" so unique
no member Of the household misses
an opportunity TO speak TO him and
have him say a word.
His employer said 20 him a few
days ago; Il suppose your mas
ter down south had a good many
horses"
Dat we did, sab, dat we did! And
my ole master had EN- all name
Bible names Faith, Hope and Char.
fly, Bustle. Stays and Crinoline, was
all one Springs colts!"
The Mercur miner. [volume] (Mercur, Utah) 1895-1913, 1907-10-23
AopIes Baked with Almonds.

Peel and core six or eight tart APP
pies, and let them simmer In a cupful
each Of sugar and water. boiled to.
gether for few minutes until nearly
tender Turn the apples frequently to
avoid breaking A little lemon juice
added to the syrup viii improve the
flavor. Put the apples into an agate
pan and press into them almonds.
blanched and split in halves Dredga
with powdered sugar. and brown in
the oven. Serve hot with whipped
cream or Jelly, aud the cold syrup In
which the apples were cooked
The Mercur miner. [volume] (Mercur, Utah) 1895-1913, 1907-10-23
To Repair Irish Point.

II the edge and medallions OF old
Irish point curtains aie in good condI-
ton, though the net is much broken.
they can be transferred TO new net
without much trouble. Get enough
bobinette or Brussels net for the new
curtains, cut the desired length. al.
lowing for hens, and put into curtain
stretchers Basic the border OF Irish
point onto the net. then the medal.
lions, and stitch on by the Eachine.
The Mercur miner. [volume] (Mercur, Utah) 1895-1913, 1907-10-23
German Pickles.

One peck OF green tomatoes and
eight large onions. Slice and mix
with a cupful of salt Let stand hye
or six hours, drain and add one quart
Of vinegar and two quarts OF water
Again drain and add two pounds OF
sugar and three quarts Of vinegar
also two tablesponiuls each Of cloves.
cinnamon. ginger allspice and mus
tard and a dozen finely chopped green
peppers. Boil again from one to two
hours, and seal In glass or earthen
jars
The Mercur miner. [volume] (Mercur, Utah) 1895-1913, 1907-10-23
Eictitlnnn Imnreaslon.

81 cannot help thinking Of the won.
derful thought displayed in your
daughters commencement essay last
June" Yes" answered Mr. Cumrox,
Judging from that essay. you would
think she was as much interested In
The Subservience OF Individual Am.
bition to Eternal Destiny as she IL
In ice cream soda But she isn't"
The Mercur miner. [volume] (Mercur, Utah) 1895-1913, 1907-10-23

Vernon Lee has told somewhere the
story of the marvellous effects Of Wag.
ner on a headache. one does. after a
time, succumb TO what Is a kind OF
hypnotIsm; the sound seems almost to
clear the air or at least to lull one
into a kind of dream In which only the
sense Of hearing exists.
The Mercur miner. [volume] (Mercur, Utah) 1895-1913, 1907-10-23
What's in a N

odd Amy. you know, Nho Is famous
for being arrested has been sent TO
jain again. But as she weighs nearly
500 pounds and IS a good fighter. II
took nearly all the reserve force TO get
her In the wagon"
Then the magistrate who sent her
20 Jail ought TO be arrested, too"
Why 500"
Didn't he commit big Amy?'-Bal.
timore American.
The Mercur miner. [volume] (Mercur, Utah) 1895-1913, 1907-10-23

spells. For ten years l could not do
homework. and for two years did not
get out OF the house. The Kidney Sc
cretions were irregular. and doctors
were not helping me. Doan's Kidney
Pills brought me quick relief and
finally cured me. They saved my life. -
Sold by all dealers. so cents a box
Foster-Millburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
The Mercur miner. [volume] (Mercur, Utah) 1895-1913, 1907-10-23
Important 60 Mothers.

Never look upon your work as n ref.
uge from thought, but express your
thought In your work.-Phillips
Brooks.
The Mercur miner. [volume] (Mercur, Utah) 1895-1913, 1907-10-23

from kidney trou-
bles. My back panied
me terribly. Every
turn or move caused
sharp, s h ootin g
pains. My eyesight
was poor. dark spots
appeared before me.
and / had dizzy
The Mercur miner. [volume] (Mercur, Utah) 1895-1913, 1907-10-23

Wherever we meet misery we owe
pity.-Dryden.
The Mercur miner. [volume] (Mercur, Utah) 1895-1913, 1907-10-23

Those ills which fate determines,
nan must bear.--Theocritus.
The Mercur miner. [volume] (Mercur, Utah) 1895-1913, 1907-10-23
TEN YEARS OF PAIN.
Unable to Do Even Housework Be.
cause Of Kidney Troubles.

Mrs. Margaret Emmerich. of Gin.
ton St.. Napoleon, o., says For
fifteen wears | Wns n great sufferer
The Mercur miner. [volume] (Mercur, Utah) 1895-1913, 1907-10-23
Bush over Buried Treasure.

There Is a tradition in Germany
that 1t was customary in the Middle
Ages 10 put an elderberry plant over
buried treasure. A farmer at Gels
dorf while blowing close to such a
bush unearthed a vessel containing
$500 silver coins of the eleventh cen.
tury.
The Mercur miner. [volume] (Mercur, Utah) 1895-1913, 1907-10-23
ouna. Trans, pecoYs. Etc.

Lowest prices Write for free catnlog Mol
n. w. Hide & Fur Co.. Minneapolis, MINI.
The Mercur miner. [volume] (Mercur, Utah) 1895-1913, 1907-10-23

Lightning In Town and Country.
Lightning IS most destructive in
level, open country. Cities, with their
numerous projections and wires, are
CON paratively exempt.
The Mercur miner. [volume] (Mercur, Utah) 1895-1913, 1907-10-23

Which goes the faster after being
broken--a thoroughbred colt or $40
bIll2
The Mercur miner. [volume] (Mercur, Utah) 1895-1913, 1907-10-23
Cats as plaque Preventive.

An Italian correspondent of the
North China Daily News writes: The
newspapers have latterly been full Of
all sorts of suggestions for the stamp
ing out of plague. For instance never
kill rats; II you do the fatal rat flea
may be driven to feed on you Also
compel each householder to keep
cats. In fact, let the cult of the cat
as II prevailed in ancient Egypt be re-
viyed in India. Plenty of cats, no
rats"
The Washington times., 1907-11-03
Go Sailing Together.

The friend, or Mr.. Wharton, as he
should now be called. was attentive
TO Mrs. Pellingham. They had many
sails together. and. when Mr.. PellIns-
ham was prevented by his work from
accompanying them, 1t must be told.
they were not mucn disappointed
Mrs. Peilingham would have denied
this, even 10 herself. but her enjoy
ment of sailing with Mr.. Wharton
grew unconsciousiy. Many times ne
talked with her about the beauty OF
the bay. the sunlight dropping and
melting in the waters. the mysteries
Of the clouds. where the blue kissed
the rose. Mrs. Pellingham had for
gotten sentimental expressions. so she
was silent. Mr.. Wharton. his grace
ful figure loiling on the steering board
OF the sloop. told Of day dreams. he
was poetic and. although Mrs. Peliing-
ham did not at first like poetry, his
voice charmed her, and the fsncies
he related developed a fascination that
was strange TO her.
The Washington times., 1907-11-03
Japan May Seize Pacific SIOpe-HobsOn
Continued from Page seven0

CONTINUED from Page Seven.)
where the enemy would choose the
battle grounds.
The japanese could practically sub
sist urnn the rich garden lands Of the
slope. The difficulties of their com
municarions would be far less than
they were in Manekuria. The whole
japanese nation has now become
trained and disciplined, and could sgp-
Ply an additional million of men each
year for four or FIVE years without
drawing on China IN the meantime
the country would be thrown open TO
Chinese and Japanese alike, and the
numbers available would soon become
Unlimited
] do not take second place to any
one in my confidence in the fighting
capacity OF the average American.
bat know that modern battles and
.,ars are absolutely won by the long
"eIarations in advance The Japanese
.e made these preparations. we
sc not. We all recall the fact that
Zen only a division was sent to Cuba
The war with Spain, many of the
+-A0tS AGA4A 0At WIN tAAC tt1
field rife of obsolete type, using black
powder. out of date even for fowling
purposes. We know that when a hum
dred odd thousand Of volunteers were
assembled IN our own midst. the death
rate of typhoid, dysentery, and other
preventable diseases. was far greater
team that OF the japanese. or even
-lssiau armies. far away among the
'dships OF Manchuria-
Z is an utter impossibility for any
ion 70 be turned into an army in
months. We could not seriously
lpase the japanese armies of inva-
si4n the first year, and, in spite of
pr5digiOus efforts. and boundless ex-
pense in gathering our forces. we
could not expect anything but defeat
the second year. Even the third year
The Washington times., 1907-11-03
Effects of Opium X

to emergencies which make any sudden
demand upon him. II opium is denied
him. he VIII lie and steal in order to
obtain it,
Opium smoking is costly vice. A
pipeful CT a moderately good native
product costs more than a laborer can
earn in a day; consequently the poorer
classes smoke an unspeakable compound
based on pipe scrapings and charcoal
Along the highroads the coolies even
scrape the CRIME from the packsadoles
to mix with this dross The clerk earn
ing from % TO So Mexican dollars q
month will frequently spend from SO 10
so a month on opium. The typical con
hrmed smoker Is a man who spends a
considerable part of the night in smok-
ing himself to sleep. and all the next
morning in sleeping of the effects. II
he is able to work at all it Is only dur
ing the afternoon, and even at thar there
will be many days when the official or
merchant is incompetent to conduct his
affairs. Thousands of prominent men
are rrined every year-Success.
The Washington times., 1907-11-03
At Ateiier Door.

Nor pause here. Mount the turret
steps cut in native rock. till you
stand at the door OF the atelier Of the
famous Swiss painter. Monsieur Au-
guste Benziger Dare you knockT As
suredly. At once a genial voice bids
YOU enter Half timidly you obey.
Palette IL hand the artist advances
10 give you welcome. And what
have-yeu- come 10 see?' he invitingly
asSs.
You respond that already You know
him By repute, and ike every Amer
loan. you feel your heart 81 out
toward him for his mastery portrait
of the reverSd Mckinley, as it looks
aoWn from its honored place in your
own White House. Nothing so delights
Monsieur Benziger as cOmmendatiOn
from the PEOPLE of the United States.
Again. with a smile. he inquiries, But
"a hat came you here TO seeE Then
YOU confess your intense desire Tor
glimpse. of that last and crOWning
creation OF his art the portrait Of
Theodore Roosevelt, now wea-nigh
In ready compliance a big easel is
swung aside. and you stand LOOKING
into the face seemingly not OF a pic
ture OF the President, BUT OF MR.,
R0OSEV HIMSELF He appears
To step down from the canvas and
cOme forward in all his unique, vlrile
personality that he may greet you.
His presence fills the room and dom
mates It, You have forgotten Mon
sitsur EenZiger and his studio You
are in Washington. talking with the
President Of the United States.
The Washington times., 1907-11-03
Are Then Awakened.

Suddenly you are brought back to
your surroundings by the modest ques-
ton. DO yo1 think it a good like
ness2"
Good likenesst'' you calculate. Why.
the picture is alive!" Then you add,
It rejoice. my dear sir. that you are
soon 20 take this masterpiece to Amer
lea. But. before it is hung IN the New
York Metropolitan Museum, 1t ought
10 be placed on exhibition in num-
Der OF our large cities, that. through
your vision and han3iwork. many may
see The real Theodore Roosevelt"
AT this. you make your thanks and
sdieus intending to depart; but now
YOU are met by the charming wife OF
The artist. who by the way, is from
hicago. You are presented, ana then
she most graciOusly Invites you 10 join
her at her afternoon teatable. where.
70 your delight, you ind assembled
distinguished cOterie OF the artists
admirers
Before you are aware. an enhancing
hour has slipped by. when you tear
yourself away and pass out again into
the darkening woods
The Washington times., 1907-11-03

heard little about the beautiful
dreams and visions which opium is sup
posed to bring: all the smokers with
whom I talked could be roughly divided
into two classes-those who smoked Ia
order to relieve pain or misery, and
those miserable victims who smoked TO
relieve the acute physical distress
brought on by the opium itself. Prob
ably the majority of the victims take il
up as a temporary relief, many begin
in early chldhood-the mother viii give
the baby whin to stop its crying. II
is a social vice only among the upper
classes. The most notable outward ef-
feet of this indulgence is the resulting
physical weakness and lassitude. The
opium smoker cannot work hard; he
tinds It difficult to apply his mind TO a
problem or his body TO a task AS the
habit becomes armly fastened on him
there is a perceptible weakness of his
moral fiber; he shows himself unequal