New-York tribune., 1907-07-07

and women's clubs were equipped with the engines
OF destruction before knew what go
Ing on. In a short time every up-to-date hostess
in this country spent her morning hours listening
to comments made by her dearest friend in the
latter's boudoir. Sometimes IL was hard to get a
detectophone installed without being discovered.
but the manufacturers soon to the occasion by
turning out microscopcally fine telephone wire for
the connections and by building receivers in the
bottoms of fancy vases in pianos, in the backs of
clothes brushes. mirrors and picture frames. Even
INK wells and moth balls said to have con-
cealed tiny receivers and become the agents Of spy
ing friends Nothing easier for hostess CIV
ing dinner party than to attach her detectophone
TO all the chairs and by concealing small receiver
In an ring, hear the remarks passed by her
guests the table linen and silver. the house fur
nishngs and her own shortcomings as an enter
tRner.
Il leave It TO you to picture the results OF this
new practice The history OF the last two decades
Is too painful for me to recount In detail strong
man and TammaRytc that am. | only ask you
TO think OF the number of happy marriages that
have been prevented because the young sutor lis
10 the tempting voice of the dctectophone at
the side of his loved ones house and heard. after
he had gone away for the evening, the famllys
comments upon his manners. prospects and looks.
I want you to consider the loss Of respect for
parents and teachers caused by the ease with
which children have played the eavesdropper on
those painful occasions when tho father was pro
fame because he lost his collar button and the
schoolma'am couldn't add up the grocers bill cor
rectly. Let your mind dwell upon the fearful
shock 10 human pride caused by clever inves-
tors overhearine the clerks In the brokerage firm
call him sucker just after he has plunged 70
the tune OF n hundred thousand on Colorado Cot
ton and Tripe preferred. Po1ler over the effect OF
the detectophone when IT became so cheap that
girls could buy IL and share all the parlor
conversation: You know but little. at best. OF the
vAiIs OF privacy thus and OF the class hatred
enRendered by free exchange OF confidential optn-
ions And then. too. the prices OF domestic help
shit up ~ appalling rate for the Kitchen
artisans discovered how much the women OF the
houses dreaded the dreary round OF intethgence
offices and the string OF inehgthles answering ad-
Worst of ALL though. was the influence of the
bfDaI m IN
listers attached deteCtophones to church pews and
discovered that the blond soprano and the Rus
sian organst were responsible for 73 per cent
Of the attendance They also learned that the
only members Of the congregation who listened
with any pleasure and beneht 10 sermons were the
deaf Old women and the tired men who loved 10
be lulled by the pastoral monotone. But the havoc
thus played cannot be compared. In my opinion 10
the disaster befalling my dear Tammany Han and
other great institutions for the advancement of
honest graft The first political campaign after the
dstnc,onbone had been placed on the open market
was a terrible affair went out. as was my won't,
among the dear people and made speeches on the
Rights Of Man and the Virtues of Our GLORIOUS
Constitution, in which diIated at length upon the
government OF the people Tor the peoPe anu %
the people. And what do you think? on the morning
after each of my patriotic addresses my opponents
published in the newspapers dealiy par"4leI' one
side containing Il verbatim report or my speech
and the other recording what | said in private TO
n few old friends in a back room up In l4th street
after the talk The day OF hypocrisy being now
past thanks TO the terrible Social Revolution and
it's abolition of free speech and gratis oluft VIII
forcad me To spend times the usual sum in
order to be elected Mayor. BY the time the second
campaign came around. all parties were armed
with detectophOnes, so that there were aosoiu'elS
no political speeches. platforms and no prom
ises Outside OF New York City nobody but lot
of reformers got into Office; and here the cost or
maintaining one supremacy grew 20 an intoler-
able degree. The detectophOne soon disclosed 10
our followers their maximum market value ana
of course we had to pay the price Running the
town is no longer the profitable business 1t once
WAS l tell you. Tammany now pays dlvIoends
scarcely larger than those of an ordinary bonanza
mining company" ~
"But what are you Americans going to do about
it?" asked Sir Harry. Cant you simply abolish
the machine under the most rigid penalty
"Alas!' moaned the Mayor. who has the cour-
age 10 demand this step? Nobody is willing TO ad-
nit that ne is terribly afraid of the detecto-
phone; such "a confession would be damninS
have sometimes thought of risking all oy coming
out openly for such reform; but even mere IN al
confdence''-and the speaker sprang to his feet
hurriedly and raised his voice so that all the mo-
den detectophones within range could register MS
words accura tely-"I declare to you that this ac-
cursed instrument has no terrors for me. The
charges II Is alleged have recorded against my
honor are all trunped up by my enemies! l stand
to-day as / have always stood, Tor the hshest
principles of justice ana -
AS the voice rose to scream an aI'ehoaht
rushed softly in and seized the Mayor by the arm
imploring him be calm The English corre-
spondent looked in amaZement' until the at
tendant whose warning threw the unhappy Mayor
into a dead faint looked over TO Sir Harry and
tapped his forehead significantly.
kind OF forgets himself and says foolish. conf
Dental things until he suddenly comes to- then ne
starts Grating and usually ends up like this
Sir Harry arose and passed out softly into the
deathly silence of the suspicious streets. AS he
turned into Broadway he bought an extra contain
ing all the remarks the Mayor had just made to him
with q gasp of horror the last of the o OBokenS
fed precpitately TO the wharves and sprang
aboard Liverpool-oound steamer a. she was Just
pulling out into midstream. Thus II u that the
Great Social Revolution has never been properly
written up by a competent. unprejud'ced outsider