The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1907-05-12
uIF YOU BAD 1 NTIlON-2''
FIRST CONES j. CLANCY no UBLI+
SWHAT HE WOULD DO.

AN@
what She Would Do-1Td Spend n"
sBays Albert Dell, VINO HAs Ideas.
N0Tn.-Fitty people in a. many waTkS Of
ne were asked what they would do II they
had u. 900, 900. . Tvepty-eight answered, I
wouldn't do q thing" equivocally. and were
otherwise mute; ten said, with slight Varia-
tlona that they would devote the entire
sdu6 b. the pleasures of the table, and eight
said without hesitation. "Id drop dead
The last remark IN the typical answer Of
the average man who is trying to make an
original reply. TIE REPoHTEH,
'Ed deliver myself up TO The Central
ofAOe." answered u. Clancy. Express d
Teaming-Moveing A Speciality as he
looked for calls on the little pad in front OF
the sign on Columbus avenue that also said;
Mike. Coal, Ice. Wood painted in Mikes
fine Italian hand.
J. Clancy had been asked what he'd do II
somebody handed him a million dollars
o million dollars. just like that. At first j.
Clancy suspected the reporter, but after
he had been assured that the question was
purely hypothetical and had been invited
next door and had said "Sure!' when the
man with the b~rilliantined hair ctrled eassily
on the side said: Same old stuff, Joe?'
Incidental epigram: Nothing hatters a
L4h1 Qull6 %, uluSl, IN W hoNO Wv IN
tender set out a bottle without asking or
10 have him say: Regular thing. Mr.. WILL
iannsf"l and had taken the fork out OF the
RlAss Of dingy water and had speared some
Of the stuff that made Upton Sinclair famous,
he touched of his magazine guns with the
following result:
90 course that was a stall about deliverin'
myself up to the bulls. Nix. II someb'dy
come UP an says: Joe. Ihate to be the bearer
Of evil tidin's. but yer thoid cousin has jus
croaked, leavin' y alone In the void wit
on'y q million iron boys t. keep ye comp'ny.
an it's on the level an here they are he'd
cay. I'd say: Give over
HThen I'd give him a dollar fr his honesty,
which is one bone more'n / ever got paid
fr mine, tell him to roll his hoop an I'd hike
10 q doctor.
s'Examine me, doc, I'd say. an tell me
how long I'm likely to live
IF he said thoity years or t~hoity-one
years two mont's n eight days-like tn
Industrial insurance man told me yeetiddy,
though how he dopes 1t out gets my goat-if
he said thoity years. I'd tell you or smother
smart Teller to divide the million In thoity
parts. Seer That'd put me- wise to what
I could blow a year.
San say, I'd asst the doc How much fr
tn exam, doc7' I'd say.
s'Oh. a dollar he'd say. like he was
thinkin' the regular price was twenty. on'y
he wouldn't care to carry 1t on the books,
an I'd toss him a century note an say,
Got changer an he'd say. 'ITl send out
fr It, sir, an while I'd be waitln' fr it he'd
say:
s'Yer lookin' bad he'd say, an I think
We need a course o. treatment or a trip to
Florida. 'There'l be no change he'd say,
: an three hundred more he'd say to per-
fessionAl ~soivices rendered.
would I unbelt? Sureet thing " know
Doctors is all right an they gotta woik
the marks TO break even with the ducks
that. beat 'em,
Lets see. I'd nave alot left yet. wouldn't
II Well, I'd send PINK Coat. that's my
horse. to the home fr INDECENT Express
Ponies that Has Woiked Overtime. and I'd
give Mike. the little Ginny coal man next
door. a coupla hundred SOS he'd be in
dependent f'r life an I'd go TO a show every
night-in a carriage an tip the driver
an get & bunch O. new clo'es-I wouldn'
wear them s~pats-ain't that what they
call 'em?-if I had six million stead o. one
--nobby ones, neat, like they cost q raft
o. money an didn' care an'-an' on the
square. that's all I kin think OF ofrhand,
Il don't waste no time dreamin' this
thing out before. l don know what I'd
do with the rest o. the money. excep' o.
course I'd 10 up TO a soit'n goil ] know
Jennie Goldberg-her dad keeps the deli
catessen store acrost the street-an say
Jennie. it's Ave minutes to Margin time,
au'-EeeNCI guess she'd frame up a few
WAYS to spend the rest. oh?
Nope, much 'bliged. ] gotta beat il
hack to the stand IN see IL some one don't
want a SEWN machine moved. S'lonR!'
Six days a week Marie Byzantine Bar
tholomae listens more or less attentively-
there Is not a great fascination in hanging
on the words OF an unknown man while he
Is vacillatipg between fried eggs and buck.
wheat cakes-to orders; gives. in her owr
words, as the second grade teacher saws
a more or less accurate description OF the
order TO the kitchen, and sets the result
before the guest. whose check. II he lets
his appetite run riot, may total up to as
high as 25 cents.
And 10! on the evening OF the sixth dav
the proprietor OF the place, who would
rather the reporter didn't print the name
of Il because we paw for all our advertising
Ion the sixth dav the proprietor hands
Marie Byzantine Bartholomae a (which il
Marie's hebdomadal guerdon for standing
and waiting. She also serves.
aSav." observed Marie, as more cream
for the coffee was requested, 'y'know THU
amt the waldof.'
The reporter knew. but Marie was as
sured that the fare was equally good,
'Ni1 on that jolly" said Marie seorn
fully. 'Ismav woik here an all that, bu
lt's on'y because have to an l know IT,
q shine joint an IL Il
sIf you had q million dollars?'
'The very woids ] was thinkin' Of, sait
Marie, warming a little and inspired b,
the apparent c%lairvoyant power she wa
serving. AN, between you an L. sh'
continued, Il dream that out every da!
an some DAYS twice.
]w'y, on'y yestiddy a gent'm'n com
in an ast fr a baked apple an wen 7 90
10 the kitchen didn' I ast fr a plate o
beans an bring 'em 10 him?
els that a baked applet he says, lookin
az the beans, an he wal purity hufiy.
"'You act fr beans I says; but I re
r~aenbered about the apple then.
@'Don't dream 50 hard he says, an
mavbe IT, was good advice.
"Put I can't help II. I can't help thinkin
that somebody's roin' to leave me a milhoi