Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1907-12-10
Nations Big Men "Roasted' by Gridiron Club

after the roast quail was served, and
asked and answered questions like
this:
Was the story about Mrs. O'Leary's
COW kicking oven the lamp that caused
the fire a nature fake?'
1T wasn't Mrs. O'Leary's COW that
kicked over the lamp and started the
fire; it was Heinze's."
"How about the statement that
money talks"
IF it does, the president must be
the richest nan in the world"
Us there any such person as Santa
CLAUSE"
mo; he has been superseded by
George b. Cortelyou."
Define the terms mollycoddle and
milksop.'
Anybody who wasn't a rough
rider"
WAS the story of the five million
dollar conspiracy to defeat the presi-
dent, that came out at Senator
Bourne's dinner, a nature fake"
That's a question for the class in
physiology. That's where we discuss
the effects Of alcohol"
You have heard Colonel Watterson's
| designation Of the senator's as old
gray wolves. Do you suppose a gray
wolf of the senate could do i k w. J.
Longs wolf and bite a deer in the
chest"
"Pshaw! A senator wouldn't do that
to a dear"
"Favorite Sons" on Grill.
After the new senators present had
| been stood up and instructed in their
duties by a member of the club, the
/ presidential candidates present were
| obliged to listen to this song:
They all look alike to Roosevelt
In the great presidential game
Messrs. Taft, Hughes, and Fairbanks,
LaFollette and Cannon,
And others we might name,
They all said they would head the
ticket.
How can that ever come to pass?
For they all look alike to Roosevelt
When he looks-in the glass.
"Undesirables" in Session.
Toward the close Of he dinner a
Injecting of the undesirable citizens
association was held, various club
members impersonating John D. Rock
I~efeller, Senator Foraker, H. H. Rogers
and other well known men who nave
qualified for Membership in that body.
1t was stated at the outset thai this
organization had no connection with
1.-The Ananias. club, which "is not in our
class"
When the double Of H. H. Rogers en-
tered he addressed this admonition to-
-. ~, Cor,rt NEinoN g. of
Brownsville fame:
Never start a panic to get even
with the president, Mingo. 1t might
get away from you. Our last n did"
William E. Chandler's right to be
considered a member was challenged
when his representative appeared, but
he indicated it with this indignant
assertion:
II have taken every White House
degree and belong to all clubs organ
lied by the president"
Hartman Likes Orchards Game.
"How much money have we got?'
Inquired the substitute for E. H. Har-
riman, who presided.
"About $3.50, 900, OOO," replied the dou-
BILE of Rockefeller.
How much has the. government
got?"
Some small change and a lot of
postage stamps"
chats too much" snapped Harri-
man; 1--WE are getting careless"
When Harry Orchards proxy came
in, he held up the crowd for their
watches and jewelry, and Hartman
proposed a vote of thanks on the
ground that "this is the most practi-
cal suggestion for getting money we
have been offered yet"
| When the association came to elect
officers, Orchards double proposed to
settle the election by the latest White
House method, and they threw dice
accordingly.
Suddenly Rockefeller's substitute
showed signs Of Illness and said he
feared he was going to have "a rush
of conscience to the pocket Rogers
understudy said that generally was ia
tai.
Nobody in Standard Oil yer died OF
lit" answered Rockefeller.
What else the Undesirable Citizens
association would nave one will new
err be known, for its deliberations were
Interrupted by a photograph which
began to shrek, seemingly in Presi-
dent R~oosevelt's well known voice:
'Mendacious ~scoundrels! Willful
|falsifers! Malefactors Of great
wealth! A shorter and uglier word!
sheer invention! No swollen fortunes!
Undesirable citizens!"
When the photograph ran down the
undesirable citizens bowed reverently
and President Blythe said:
L IaVo1.,, ~ q taa.,S A,oioaO