davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-11-29
Ambiguous.

A Washington correspondent who
used to run a newspaper In Iowa tells
how the heavy advertiser OF the town
once entered the editorial offices and.
with anger and disgust depicted in
every line of his face, exclaimed:
That's fine break you people
have made in my ad. this week."
What's the trouble?" asked the ed.
itor, in a tone calculated to mollify
the indignant one.
Read It and see!" commanded the
advertiser. thrusting a copy Of the pa
per in the editors face.
The latter read: III you want to
have n 1T wear Blanks Shoes
Harper's Weekly.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-11-29
The Final Shower.

sand you say when the heIress be-
came the wife OF the foreign noble
man Il was a shower weddlng?"
81 should say so. The bride wore a
shower bouquet"
ayes"
"And then there was a shower OF
rice"
"My,"
Followed by n shower OF congratu-
lations and old shoes"
Well Well, And how did 1t end
up"
Every embarrassing all round. The
nobleman's creditors came around and
presented a shower OF bills"
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-11-29
Why Streets Arc stralaht.

"Thorc is no mystery about the
streets OF New York" complained the
aesthetic stranger. 1T Is all straight
up and down North. south, east,
west; all straight paths. No cross,
cuts and alleys. no zigzag turns and
twists and cowpaths, as in London
ard Paris. Just long, straight, unin.
terrupted roads"
Built that way purposely," ma.
tive explained when the average
New Yorker has to go home, he needs
a straight road"
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-11-29
STILL AHEAD OF AUDIENCE.
Comedian Made Humor Of What Was
Approaching Tragedy.

willie" Collier, the comedian, was
an irrepressble member Of barn
storming combination which, some
ten years ago, did the tank towns
OF the middle west.
The company had been doing a poor
business for several weeks when a
certain town in Illinois was reached.
Just before the curtain went up that
night, Collier was standing at the cur
tain "peep.hole," sizing up the audi
ence
"How's the house, Wilie?" asked
another player.
We'll" answered Collier, there are
some out there. But" he added, i'm
pressiyely, we're still in the ma.
jorty, old boy, still in the majority"
--Eiarper's Weekly.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-11-29
WOMAN KNEW HUMAN NATURE.
Personal Experience Counted In Her
Endorsement OF New Pastor.

A Philadelphia congregation was
called upon not long ago TO choose a
pastor. The last three ministers had
been persona non grata with most Of
the parlshioners; and before selecting
another the congregation did some
pretty hard thinking. There was one
woman OF experience whose voice car
ried particular weight Preacher after
preacher was invited to tho pulpit for
q trial sermon, and all, in the final
analysis, were rejected by the female
arbiter. At last there came along a
possible incumbent who met with her
approval.
The reason | am sure he will give
satisfaction" she said is because he
has the right kind Of wife for a
minister. She allows him TO rant
around ell he wants at home and
doesn't sass back. ! found out long
while ago--shortly after | was mar
rlod myself, in fact-that n man who
hasn't that privilege at home works
of his spleen elsewhere. A minister
vents It on his congregation That
was why we couldn't stand the last
preacher This one will be all right
We won't hear a peep out Of him"
And upon that unique recommends
tion the congregation really did give
the man call. According to last ac-
counts both he and the congregation
were doing we'll The wife has not
been heard from.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-11-29
Had to Have Her Tobacco.

One of the inmates OF Towcester
workhousc a woman aged 81 years,
has applied to the board OF guardians
for an allowance of tobacco, She said
she had smoked II years and missed
her pipe so much since entering the
house she could not digest her food
The board decided to comply with her
equest.-London Globe.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-11-29
Beware of 0intments for Catarrh
that Contain Mercury.

a. mercury viii surely destroy the sense OF smell
and completely drrAupe the Whole system when
entering It through tho mucous surfaces. Such
articles should never 10 used except on pfesctip'
tons from reputable physicians, the dgusHe they
will do II ten fOld TO the good you can possibly de.
rive from them. HalIs tatRrrh cure, manufactured
by !. j. Cheney & Coz Toledo, o., contains no mcf.
cury and IL taken internally, acting directly upon
the blood and mucous surfaces ~ the tystcu1. In
buying Hairs tAtafrh Cure be sure yuu get tho
genuine It Il taken internally and made In Toledo,
Onto. rs I 81 Cheney 4 Go, 1cstimopiAs free.
Sold by Druggists. Price, 5ic. per bottle.
Take iialrs Family puls tor constipation.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-11-29

"The newspapers" said the orator
solemnly, do not tell the truth"
Perhaps not" answered the editor,
regretfully. 1--WE do our best But you
know there is nothing more difficult
than to tell the truth in a way that
won't put It up 10 some one to chal.
lenge your veracity."
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-11-29
Electric Motor Scarf Pin.

The smallest motor is that made by
a German mechanic. 1t is worked by
a battery deposited in his coat pocket,
and he uses the motor as a scarf pin.
1t is working all the time, simply to
show that it is an actual working mo-
tor. 1t is curious to see the little
wheels revolving as the machine rests
on the scarf.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-11-29

Starch. like everything else, is be-
Ing constantly improved, the patent
Starches put on the market % years
ago are very different and inferior to
those Of the present day. In the lat
est discovery Defiance Starch-all in.
furious chemicals are omitted, while
the addition Of another ingredient, in
vented by us. gives to the Starch a
strength and smoothncss never APP
preached by other brands.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-11-29
Tennis and Temperament.

In tennis tournament (mOre truth
fully than IN Il ConfessionaD are re-
'vealed the good and bad qualities Of
human nature. The man who loses
gracefully, plays with a bad partner
without afterwards abiding to his de-
ficiences. and honestly admircs an op'
ponent's skill, may he trusted not to
fail in any other trial of life.-London
Black and White.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-11-29

Judge-And what did the prisoner
say when you told him that you would
have him arrested? Complainant-He
answered mechanically, yer honor
Judge-Explain Complainant-lle hit
me on the head with a hammer
Everybodys Magazine.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-11-29
Not TO Be Fooled.

A city lad spent part OF last sum
mcr on farm owned by his uncle.
II was the boys first visit to the coun-
try. and everything on the farm was
DELIGHTFULLY."- unfamiliar to him,
one afternoon the youngcter who
had been prowling about the chicken
house, seized the product Of one cack,
ling hen. and marched exultantly into
the house with his prize.
Let me have it, SON." said the
farmers wife, "and I'll cook It for
your luncheon"
"You must think I'm n greenhorn,
aunuc," exclaimed the boy. Il guess
the hen cooked II all right It's
warm."-IIarpers Weekly.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-11-29

That an article may be good as wen
as cheap, and give entire satisfaction,
is proven by the extraordinary sale of
Defiance Starch, each package con.
tanning one.third more Starch than
can be had Of any other brand for the
same money.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-11-29
Word Derivatives,

"Petrel" and petrol" both descend
from petra" a rock Petrol" comes
directly enough, through petroleum.
rock oil, but "pctrel' through st
Peter, after whOm the bird was
named. because 1t appeared to walk
upon the waves.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-11-29
His Ear TO the Ground.

DO you expect people to believe all
that you tell them?" THAT is not the
idea" answered the sagacious cam
paigper. THE way TO win the hearts
Of the people is to tell them what
they already believe"
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-11-29

First Chorus Girl-Nellie amt
feelin we'll She's gotta sore throat
Second Chorus Girl-Chce the noIve
Of or putting on airs like prImmer
donn.-kansas City Post.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-11-29

FITS, st. Vitus Dance any all Nervous
Diseases permanently cured BY DR.. Hines
Great Nerve Restorer Send for Free 500
trial bottle and treatise Dr. r. II. Kline.
Id, 93l Arch ST., Philadelphia, Pa
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-11-29

Watch out for the clover dodder
and wild carrot in the orchard. They
are two of the worst pests which are
now crowdlng into the central west.
The clover doddcr is the greatest men.
ace to that crop. especially when II Is
grown as n covering In the orchard.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-11-29
@s.ROADs Az 3f'
s&x<z!-saEAR Nv i'
1latPREo!VENfldk{hs'
AN oLp.FAsHIoNEp DRoGUE.
Easy TO Make and viii Prove Handy
TO Have on the Farm.

Drogue is an old fashioned word
applied to a low drag or sled, some.
thing like the stOncboat In general
use now. The word is seldom heard
to-day. So accustomed are we to the
regulation stoneboat that most Of us
do not know that there is Il still more
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-11-29

Little things are little things, but to
be faithful in little things is to DO
great.-St. Augustine.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-11-29

The thrifty housewife never attains
perfection. for she is always mendlng.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-11-29

Time to begin keeping the cows in
the barn of night.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-11-29
Women Workers Of Great Britain.

Women of Great Britain are well rep
resented In the professions and trades,
and about 100000 earn their own
living. There are $4,000 who teach;
10000 are bookkeepers; over 5000 are
printers and nearly 500 act as editors
and compilers; 1900 are engaged in
photography; civil service clerks mum.
Der nearly 1900: 1880 are engaged in
medical work and nursing and $50
women are blacksmiths.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-11-29
Imnnrinnttn Mnthnra.

Examine carefully every bottle OF
CASTORIA a safe and sure remedy for
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-11-29

Lewis Single Binder straight &c cigar
made of rich, mellow tobacco. Your deal.
or or Lewis Factory. Peoria. III.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-11-29

Much that passes for patience ia
simply laziness.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1907-06-06
Effect OF Tho Weather.

Biihop Sanford Olmsted, of Colo
RADIO, at dinner in Denver, said
apror.os of Sabbath breaking:
II was talking to an Eastern
clergyman the other day about his
church attendance.
! suppose l said. that in your
district rain affects the attendance
considerably
"He smiled family. Indeed, yes,
he SAID. L hardly have a vacant seat
when 1t is too wet for golf or motor
ing. kansas City Journal.
Kept TwO-DOllar Bill Forty Years.
Obid Smith, farmer near India
napol.s, called at the Office of G. w.
Morrison, and asked him If he still
trusted in the Lord. Morrison re-
piled in the Affirmative, whereupon
Smith said: 1T was the Lord that
sent me here to return $40 Of your
money. have kept 1t for 40 years
Mr.. Smith then explained that one
day In 1887 in w. A. Bodine's store
at Morristown, he saw Mr. Morrison
drop a ten-dollar bill from a roll
which he had received from the mer-
chant. Smith picked up the money
and on this occasion he came to re-
turn it.-Indianapolis News.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1907-06-06
Southern Agricultural Wealth.

The increased values OF the South's
crops Of corn. hay and potatoes In
the six years aggregate $175,65l,-
LOG, or more than 60 per cent. while
the value OF the cotton crop increas-
ed by probably $42O,0OO,0OO, or 12G
per cent. The aggregate value In
1906 OF the nine crops in the South
which have been mentioned here
was 1890, 900, 900. To that should
be added $3.50, 100000 for poultry
products. $136, 100000 for dairy pro-
ducts, $11O,OoO,Ooo for fruits and
vegetables. $16O.OOO.OOO for live
stock products, $40,000,O00 for
sugar and It's products, 100000
for sweet potatoes and $16,000,O0O
for miscellaneous products-a total
of s639,O0O, 900, or an aggregate of
81 1893, 100000 Of products sold from
the farm. Adding to this the value
of products consumed would bring
tho total up to beyond $2.0O0,OOO,-
900,
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1907-06-06
Gcntlcness.

The strength Of God is very gentle.
He does not make great noise in
lifting the tides or In speeding the
stars in their courses. The sunshine
is one of His greatest treasures Of
power. He turns the hearts OF stall
wart sinners by the touch of infant
fingers or by the memory Of a pious
mothers spiritual beauty and fidelity.
BY loving invitations, tender encour-
agements and manifold ministries of
patience and sympathy, He encour-
ages the penitence and the faith of
sinful and weak human hearts. His
children should seek more Of His gen.
tleness. We are too easily tempted
to buster and violence. We forget
that gentleness is greatness as we'll as
goodness. II we would do brave
deeds. let us seek to be filled with
divine gentleness.- Chris
tian Advocate.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1907-06-06

gave to man. People who will not re-
we're the Lord will not long remem-
her Lincoln. Men who will cast aside
the Saviour of the world cannot be
expected to spend much time to COM
memorate the deaths and sacrifices
of the saviours of the Union. To put
the Sabbath, the rest day. on Mon
day will not make men go to church;
nor will the placing of Memorial Day
on Sunday be efficient to turn the
hearts of careless men to the contem-
plation and commemoration OF the
blood that flowed at Harper's Ferry.
Fort Sumter. Vicksburg. and the rest.
The man who feels no sympathy for
the Christ on Calvary will feel less
for those who fell on the bloody field
at Gettysburg. What to him are the
birth pains of the nations?
The tendency to turn the American
Sabbath into a Continental Sunday
Is as perilous as 1t Is pernioious. 1t
strikes at the religious, the best and
the central life Of the people. The
endeavor to escape Puritanism has
led to all sorts Of loose living and
misspent leisure. AS between Puri-
tanism and Continentalism give me
the law to the letter. rather than
no law at all. The Sabbath should
not be given over to riotous living.
On the other hand, in our endeavor
to escape with Christ the killing let.
ter of the law, we have, think. gone
too far. There are many things that
are necessary and that mutt be done
on the Sabbath. and contrariwise,
there are many things done on the
Sabbath that could be as we'll done on
week days. and as many more that
could we'll be left undone altogether.
The word of Christ that the Sabbath
was made for man can in no wise
excuse the unnecessary labors that
many tradesmen have to perform on
Sunday. How many men and women
who go to Coney Island or hundred
other places on Sunday can rightly
plead necessity as excuse for putting
extra labor upon multitudes Of men?
The Sunday paper tends to become
a curse, not because 1t Is unhealthy
or unwise to read the news on the
Sabbath, but because 1t puts unneces-
sary labor. in the majority of cases.
upon host and robs thousands OF
the common day OF rest. The man
who cant get shaved on Saturday has
no real excuse for making the barber
work on the Sabbath. l do not want
to descend to trivial things, but you
all know, as we'll as /, that there are
a thousand and one things done that
have no business to be performed on
the Sabbath.
We need a readjustment to-day in
our estimate of values. Sunday as
the Sabbath is boon to man. Sun
day as side show to the other six
days of the week is a sacrilege.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1907-06-06
There Ia One Other!

An excellent story Is repeated of
the Kaiser, whose power of being
enthusiastically interested in every
function he attends was once COM
mented upon by a foreigner, who in
CURED of one Of the younger princes
how 1t was that his father was able
to display such unbounded enthusi-
asm about such everyday occur
rences as births, marriages and
deaths. "Ah!" was the answer,
that is part of fathers wonderful
character, for whenever he attends
christening he thinks he Is the
baby; whenever he honors we'd
ding with his presence he imagines
that he is the bride and whenever
ne attends a funeral somehow or
other he invariably manages to get
hold of the idea that he Is the
corpse. From Town and County.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1907-06-06
CureS WOman's Weaknesses.

We refer to that boon to weak, nervous,
suffering women known Is Or. Pierce's
Tavorite Prescription.
DIR. John Fyfe one of tho Editorial Staff
of THE ECLECTIC MEDICAL REVIEW says
of Unicorn root (HelOntGs D1Otcd) which
is one of the chief ingredients Of the VA
vorte Prescription
"A remedy which invariably acts as utter
tivity Of tho entire reproductive system. I"
He continues sin Hclonias we have medica-
purposes than any other drug utth tohtch am
acquainted. In tho treatment OF diseases Pc
cuiiar to women 1t is seldom that case Is
for this remedial agent" DR.. Fyfe further
says: oThe following are among the leading
indications for Helonias Unicorn rootl rain
or aching in tho back. With leucorrhra |:
organs OF Women. mentN depression and ir:
reliability. associated witH chronic diseases OF
the reproductive organs OF women; constant
heat os 1s Que q the seae
ened condition oflthe reproductive system:
o. ar sSssns az
sSd Smm sS"di him So e1H Rss drSssns
SENSATIONS In tn, extreme lower part OF the
abdomen"
better than take Dr. Plerces CaYQrIte
PRESCRIPTION, one 81 rKg leadlhg ingredl-
ents 81 WHICH is Unicorn root, or Helontas.
and the medical properties OF which 1t
most faithfully represents. j.
OF Golden Seal root, another prominent
ingredient of uFavorite Prescription"
Prof. Finley Ellingwood, M. D., OF Ben
nett Medical College, Chicago, says:
Mt is an important remedy in disorders Of
and general enfeeblement II Is useful
Prof. John M. Scudder, NJ. D., late OF
Cincinnati, says of Golden Seal root:
ain relation to its general effects on tho
there Is such general undntrntty Of opinion. It
is universally regarded as tho tonic useful In
all debilitated states"
Prot. r. Bartholow, M. D.. Of Jefferson
Medical College, says Of Golden Seal:
valuable in uterine hemorrhage. menor-
rhagia (fiooding) and congestive dysmenor-
rhRa painful menstruation)"
DR.. Picrce's Favorite Prescription faith.
fully represents oil the above named In.
gradients and cures the diseases for which
they are recommended.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1907-06-06
CHILDREN SHOWED TT.
Effect Of Their Warm Drink in the
Morning.

"a year ago l was a wreck from
coffee drinking and was on the point
of giving up my position in the school
room because of nervousness.
Il was telling friend about It and
she said, We drink nothing at meal
time but Postum Food Coffee, and IT
Is such a comfort to have something
we can enjoy drinking with the chill
dren.'
II was astonished that she would
allow the children to drink any kind
OF coffee, but she said Postum was
the most healthful drink in the world
for children as well as for older ones,
and that the condition of both the
children and adults showed that to be
a fact.
my first trial was a failure. The
cook boiled 1t four or five minutes
and 1t tasted so fiat that was In de-
spair, but determined to give It one
more trial. This time we followed
the directions and boiled Il fifteen
minutes after the boiling began. It
was decided success, and I was
completely won by its rich, delicious
favour. In short time | noticed q
decided improvement In my condition
and kept growing better and better
month after month, until now 7 am
perfectly healthy, and do my work liz
the school room with ease and pleas
ure. I would not return to the nerve
destroying regular coffee for any
money"
There's Reason" Read the ia
nous little Health Classic" Tho
Road to Wellville," In pkgs.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1907-06-06
The Transforming Power of Life.

The Arabs have a saying about the
palm tree, that 1t stands with its
feet in salt water and its head In the
sun. They often cannot drink the
brackish water found in the oasis
where the palm grows, but they tap
the tree and drink the sweet palm
sap.
The palm tree by the magic Of its
inner life can so change the elements
found In the unklndly soil around
1t that they minister to its growth
and strength and fruit-bearing. So
we in our earthly life must often have
our feet in the mire and bitterness
of sin around us; and upon our heads
will often beat the fierce heat Of
temptation. But In spite of these
things we shall be able to grow and
grow strong, II within there Is the
making of new life through Jesus
Christ.-Bible Advocate.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1907-06-06
Woman photographer.

Mrs. George H. Gorham, a we'll
known Washington woman, has just
accomplished herculean and unique
task, which is the compilation of
a French-English dictionary. The
work consists of two volumes and
contains tens Of thousands of words
and phrases freely translated from
one language into the other, and so
arranged as to guide safely the stu
dent Of both languages. Persons
who have critically examined the
work declare that 1t affords the
means for those desiring to learn
either French or English to master
those tongues sufficiently to con-
verse, and also to enjoy the litera-
ture of both. Mrs. Gorham devoted
many years of hard work to the
task. and 1t Is believed that she Is
the only woman who has ever COM
piled a dictionary. She is now re-
siding in Brooklyn.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1907-06-06
HOME WEEK IN BOSTON.
Sons and Daughters Of New England
Capital to Visit Scenes Of Youth.

sons ana Daughters OF New England
Capital to Visit Scenes Of Youth.
The greatest event for Boston and
for all New England this season will
be tho homecoming week in Boston.
This will occur at the end Of July,
and will attract thousands of persons
from every part Of the country to the
city and the section of the country
where their ancestors lived and
where their affections are conferred.
The citizens of Boston have made
liberal preparations for grand cele-
bration of the history and achieve
ments Of Boston and the Common
wealth of Massachusetts,. There will
be a week of midsummer reunions of
families and Of public festivities. The
time selected is from July 20 to Au-
gust 8.
The homecoming week In Ken
lucky attracted half million visit
ors to Louisville and the home-com-
Ing for Georgia was likewise grate-
fully accepted. There is no doubt Of
the attraction to Boston of far great
or number Of sons and daughters who
cherish the traditions and the sue
cesses of the people and who venerate
the history of the, famous city which
is the leader In the literature, art and
the civilization of America.