davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The state herald., 1907-12-13
Served Accordingly.

At mems cafe one night young
Americana barbcr-fell In with an
Englishman. The latter was berating
the Yankees for doing all manner OF
business in their shops and not follow.
Ing the better English plan OF sticking
to one branch.
The next day he staggered into the
barber shop TO be shaved. The barber
gave his face an extra good soaPing
and left him, at the same time seating
himself TO read.
The Englishman kept quiet for n
few minutes. when. seeing his attend.
ant reading. he blurtcd out: why
don't you shave me. sir?"
You will have to 20 up the street
for your shave" quietly replied the
barber. We only lather here"
The state herald., 1907-12-13
HAD NO DOUBT OF HIS FATE.
Mr.. Jerome Evidently Was Aware Of
His Wife's Culinary Ability.

Some weeks ago the wife of Judge
Blank, Of Pacific avenue, lost her cook.
and since she had no other resource
she rolled up her sleeves and for a
week provided such meals as the Judge
had not enjoyed since those happy
days when the Blanks did not keep q
cook. The judges delight was so great
that by way of appreciative acknowl-
edgment he presented Mrs. Blank
with beautiful ermine cloak. Quite
naturally. the incident was good
deal noised about among the social
acqua!ntances of the Blanks and a
spirit OF envious emulation was de-
veloped in certain quarters. 1t was in
this mood that Mrs. Jerome recited
the story to her husband. What do I
get. Jerry?" she asked. III will do
the cooking for a week." Well"
said Mr.. Jerome. lat the end Of q
week. my dear. you'll get one of those
long crepe veils."-San Francisco
Argonaut.
The state herald., 1907-12-13
There is one through road to heaven; !;
II Is by the doors of needy humanity.
The Light of Genius.

For more than week the school
teacher had been giving lessons on the
dog. says writer in the Philadelphia
Record. and so when the inspector
came down and chose that very subject
there seemed every prospect Of the
class distinguishing itself
Things were progressing quite salts
factorily, and the teacher was conSrat-
ulGting himself on the trouble he had
taken when. alas! question was asked
which made him tremble for the repu'
tation of his scholars.
"Why does a dog hang his tongue
out of his MOUTH" asked the inspector.
Eyes, my boy?" he said to n bright,
looking lad who held up his hand,
while the light of genius was in his
eye.
"To balance his tall" shouted the
bright boy.
The state herald., 1907-12-13
NOW MR.. BAXTER HAS REFORMED
In the Future He viii Think More
About Appearances.

One reason why Mr.. Baxter never
likes to go out evenings is because he
seldom can find room enough in the
street cars to make himself comfort.
able. There never was n person who
liked to spread himself physically as
does Mr.. Baxter Mrs. Baxter has fre.
quently been sorely humiliated by that
fact. When they are out together he
refuses to squeeze into close quarters
Just for the sake Of being near her.
If there is wide space at the other
end of the car Baxter unsentimentally
moves on and drops into 1t without
minding in the least that he has left
her alone.
Since last Thursday night, however.
Baxter has promised to think less Of
his material sensibilities. That even
ing the Baxters went to the theater.
Going home Baxter, as usual. refused
to sit by his wife on the ground that
he would be unduly crowded. There
was a rift in the row of humanity fur.
ther along the line, and he went down
and filled in there. He sat beside fat
man, who had previously travelled a
short distance over the alcoholic route.
The fat man had noticed from afar
Bakers dislnclination to share his
Tife's society. and he thought he I'm.
derstood the cause. Pleased with his
powers of dvination he nudged Bax-
ter good-naturedly.
That's right" said he. Don't give
her chance to bullyrag you before
folks. It's bad enough when you're
alone, but it's worse when there's any
body around to hear. That's why l give
the old lady the slip. Well both catch
1t when we get home, but we're safe
Tor the rest of the trip, anyway"
The alcoholic mans 'old lady" half
dozen steps away. overheard, and,
judging by the rapid-flre action of her
eyes. 1t was pretty safe to guess that
the fat man would catch it, even II
Baxter didn't.
The state herald., 1907-12-13
His Remedy.

A pompous city official upon reacn-
ing his home one evening found the
street blockaded and a heap of earth
piled against his doorstep. Observing
workman welding his shovel in a
nearby ditch. he accosted passing po.
iiceman and complained that the Ia.
borer was trespassing upon private
property.
What do yez mean by trowin' dirt
on tn gintleman's steps," demanded
the officer. pompously.
Sure. an there's moo other place {
trow 1t. d ye mind" replied the work.
man. indifferently.
well. then. in thot case yez had bet.
TEL dig another hole and t'row II in
there"
The state herald., 1907-12-13
Deafness Cannot Be Cured

~ local appliestons. they eAnupt r-sch the die
essed portion " the ear There 4. ruly uau ~sy 10
cure drainr.r sad that i.by constitutional remedies
Drafnu-- l. csu.ei w sn inramsd condil..n OF The
mucous lining OF tho EustAchisn Tube whea thi,
tube 10 innsned yud have rumhlius sound " itn
peffret heaThg aud when II Il entifrly closed Deaf
nr-- 10 the fcsut and lness the Inflammation esn he
taken out ani this tube restored 20 lie normal eOndi
tion, hearing ni ba destroyed forever. niue case.
out Of ten sfe caused by Istsffh. which l. nnthias
but an innamcd coniiiioa vt tho mueau. surface.
We will siVe one iianifsd Doiisrs tor any case o'
prafnes. caused by cataffhl that cannot be cured
b Han. Gatsffh Gaze. Heni Tor ciIcaiafs, tree.
y CHENEY AGO Toledo, o
soii hr Dfufsists iAc.
T.ss Han. T.nll, Pili. for constipation.
The state herald., 1907-12-13
How He Did II.

Early in the morning session, when
tho pupils were feeling bright and
happy. the teacher thought It good
plan to give them sentences to cor
rect, both as to grammar and sense
She accordingly wrote on the black
board
THE hen has four legs. He
done it,
Thoughtful little Ignatius. at the
foot of the class. pondered deeply. and
at the end OF % minutes time. allowed
for correction. he wrote:
He didn't done it; God done It,"
The state herald., 1907-12-13
Truthful Boast,

A party OF travelling men In Chi.
cage hotel were one day boas,ing of
the business done hy their respective
firms. when one OF the drummers SAID:
No house In the country. am proud
to say. has more men aud women
pushing It's line OF goods than mine ''
what do you Sell1" h. was asked.
"iiaby oarriag"s'" Shontcd the drum
mrr. as he lied from the room Sue
cosA Magazine.
The state herald., 1907-12-13
NEW STRENGTH FOR OLD BACKS.
No Need to Suffer Every Day from
Backache.
Mrs. Joannah Straw. 526 North
Broadway, Canton, s. D., says: For

three years I suf.
fered everything
with rheumatism in
my limbs and a
dull, ceaseless ach.
Ing in my back. I
was weak. languid.
broken with head.
aches and dizzy
spells, and the kid
ney secretions were
thick with solids.
| was really in n
The state herald., 1907-12-13
Hans footed.

But. Gretchen" protested the digni-
Aed mistress, you should be more dig
nified and not call your fiance toot'
sic
But he has a 'tootsie,' " replied
Gretchen. blushing all the way up to
the roots Of her flaxen hair.
"How'do you make him 'tootsie? v
why. you see, ma'am, he blays der
biggest horn in der German band.'-
Home Magazine.
The state herald., 1907-12-13

With smooth iron and Defiance
Starch. you eau laundcr your shirt
waist lust ns well ut hom, as the
steam laundry can: II will have tho
proper Stiffness aud nnish. there will
be less wear and tear OF the goods.
aud II viii be u positive pleasure TO
uso Starch that does not stick 10 tho
Iron.
The state herald., 1907-12-13

That an article may be good m well
ms cheap. and give entire Satisfaction.
ia proven by tho extraordinary sale OF
Defiance Starch. each package con.
tanning on.ihitd more Starch than
can bc had Of amy other brand FOR the
same money.
The state herald., 1907-12-13
Tough Luck.

Hcwi,t-You look elum. what's tho
ma,icfy
jewctt-lyc had bad news from my
wife.
Hrwi,t-What In III
Jcwc,t-sho's coming home.
The state herald., 1907-12-13

critical condition when / began with
Doan's Kidney Pills. and they certain.
ly did wonders for me. Though am
81 years old, am as well as the
average woman of so work well.
eat well and sleep we'll"
Sold by all dealers. so cents box.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
The state herald., 1907-12-13

FRS. 81. vi,us Dane, and all Nervous
Diseases permanently cured by DR.. hlins's
Great Nerve Resiofsf. Send Tor Free " %
trial hottie and ,fes'lss. br, J, II Kline.
Id, pll Arch st. philadelphia, Pa
The state herald., 1907-12-13
All Arranucd.

Wed better elope about 2 in the
morning. I'll bring the motor 10 the
next corner, and then"
"Oh. couldn't you make 1t little
earlier, dear? Papa and mamma do so
want to see us on. and don't like to
keep them up so late.'-Home MaSa-
zine.
The state herald., 1907-12-13

It is possible to draw out man and
make him interesting-but it's differ
ent with a sermon.
The state herald., 1907-12-13

a woman Ia seldom satisfied with n
purchase unless she can make herself
believe that Fho got moro than her
moneys worth.
The state herald., 1907-12-13
E.taIltie, AMONG seamen,

Deaths from accidents among sea-
men number SO per 10000. five times
higher than In dangerous occupa-
tions."
The state herald., 1907-12-13
Asthmaties, Read This,

II you are AFFLICTED with Asthma
write me at once and learn OF some
thing for which you will be grateful
the rest of your life Rev. J. r. RAIDER.
S22 Broadway. Denver. Colo.
The state herald., 1907-12-13

II there vcro not 20 many different
ways u lying more people would toll
the truth,
The state herald., 1907-12-13
Considerinu.

After he had been In deep thought
for several minutes MIR. lienpeck
said;
Il have made mp my mind"
Have yoni' his wife replied 1T
seems 10 me 1t took you long time
considering what you had TO make
up
The state herald., 1907-12-13

Defiance atnrch-sls,een ounces for
ton cents. all ether brands contain
only ~ ounces for same money.
The state herald., 1907-12-13

With old age comes the knowledge
OF lost opportunities.
The state herald., 1907-12-13

A feeling heart enriches the world
much more than full hand without It,
The state herald., 1907-12-13
lmpor,antt TO Mothsra.

Important to Mothers.
Examine carefully every bottle OF
CASTORlA safe and sure remedy for
infants and children, and see that II
The state herald., 1907-12-13

vIANI LOCAL OrTICE-Lady Office man.
sger wanted right away. sNOl weekly Address DR..
.. J. Reinhardt. ar Mhck Bldg, Denver. Colo.
The state herald., 1907-12-13

ONLY ONE "BRoMO QUININE-
That ~ LAXATIVE BhuMt, QUINN. i.ink for
the signature OF W GWONk us>l tho World
over To Cure Cold Ia One DAY. zss.
The state herald., 1907-12-13

man must stand erect. not be kept
erect by others.-Marcus Aureiius.
PILES CURED IN To ~ DAYS.
FAIO OINTMENT - guafantrsd Ia cute any case
o. hehlns bhnd bi-s-i,ns of trotrudins tIlss ia
tt1 u days ~ money f~fapded. ~.
The state herald., 1907-12-13

Two passenger; good hs ne~; run Ices than one
u,sl-ani nils, iisr fnahp. iir-t iafsain iu the
s.-t- Adir,--: iiot sJi, n"ny"r C1in,
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1907-03-29
ON THE RIVERS
Movement to Establish Boat Line
Between ST. Paul and Panama
canal--Tcwhoat Fleet
Coming.

Norwegian ship owners who oper-
ate 4 line 0f boats between New
York Cit yand New Orleans, have a
representative visiting 81. Paul
Nina, for the purpose Of studying
the possibilities of the Mississippi
river as a waterway in connection
With The Panama canal. ST Paul
capitalists and business men heartily
favor the plan proposed The idea i
to rehabilitate the port of ST. Paul
and carry Northwestern wheat, timber
and other products to aPnama. These
capitalists now use beats shallow in
graft and requiring but one four b the
coal Of ordinary large steamers
Boats Of this class will be used be-
tween ST. Paul and New OrleaDs
should the plan be carried ear Tha
important advantage Of tse,a'dlfect
river route is that It cutSof the long
cross-country haul to New oYrk and
disposes of the heavy tax collected
from vessels at New York. II is
rosnted out that with such river
steamers reaching st. Paul mills and
other manufacturing may be built
Their on the river banks, ready to load
their products directly upon the
boats.
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1907-03-29
A Boat That Can Climb.

George Fitch, who ecords his affee-
tionate regard for the Missouri river
in the April American Magazine de-
scribes the sort of steamboat best
suited to nav gate that capricious
stream:
THE Missouri river steamboat
should be shallow. 1.-THE. deep-chested
and exceedingly strong in the stern
wheel II should be hinged in the
middle and should be fitted with a
suction dredge so that when it can
not climb over sandbar is can as
simulate it. The Missouri river seam
boat should be able to make use OF
a channel, but should not have to de-
pesd upon IT, A steamer that can
not. on occasion. climb a steep clay
bank. go across a cornfeld and cor
mel a river that is trying TO get away
has but little excuse for trying to
navigate the Missouri
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1907-03-29

One Of Washingtcn's high schot
principals relates an incident In con
nectioa with last commencement day.
A clever girl had taken one of tfs
principal prizes Her friends crowded
about her to offer con graduation :.
Weren't You awfully afraid you
wouldn't get II. Hattie" asked one.
when there we're so many contest
ants7" "Oh, no." cheeTily exclaimed
Hattie. Because knew that when II
came to English composition had
'em all skinned"
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1907-03-29
Blind Letter Carrier.

On the occasion Of the last oif'ho
anniversary of the king Of italy
ter carrier was rememb,sed WIN
increase of pay. The MAJ WI
name is Domenico Stella. has eeen
the service at Rogiisno e the ia@'
wears. is so years cid, bl ana
attends TO his dute5. vi tls a.
sace 80 \ grantch-l
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1907-03-29

The river marked 45.f feet on the
Cairo gauge last evening. showing
fall Of a.5 Of foot IN p hours. One
year ago il was s5.5 feet
Rising rivers were reported yester
day as follows: Pitisburg ~. Daven-
port O. 2, Memphis %. Vicksburg %.
The Fred Hariweg west mp the
Mississippi yesterday morning light.
The Ferd Herold. from Memphis
was in port from a. m. tiii / p. m.
exchanging freight She had a big
lot of cotton and miscellaneous
re chit
The Stacker lee came out from St
Louis at II =. m. yesterday. hound
fo- Memphis She was here till y.
H. making additions and had a biz
r.
The Dick Fowler from Paducaf
was In port yesterday. She will b.
. ~ --ai-e anoihar lending o. w,
on the Kentucky side when the rive
has gsle down a little more. As "
al but six are under water on tina
SIDE
The Gec-gia Lee came into Dor
last evening from Memphis. boun
for Cincinnati she had a DOT Z
stock for that city. including hogs
horses aud cattle. She added libel
ally here
Rice planters in Louisiana arc il
great gIee over the food in the i've
II serves them a good turn.
4 model barge containing 1,e'
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1907-03-29

The feet Of towboats with coal
which vii come ogt Of the Ohio in a
feW days for New Orleans. ami the
men who will be al their wheels are:
The Sprague with Henry N'ge AMI Al
Faulkner. the v. W. O'Nel win
Robert Honeden and VIM Hepien.
stsll- the Boaz with Tom Martin and
John Godfrey. the John A Wood with
Dan Kane and Bllv Smith. the J. y
Finley with jim While and George
/ Clark.
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1907-03-29
Quite a Difference.

DR.. Story. the late principal OF Glas-
Cow university. taking holiday IN
the country once. was met by the min
lister of the district, who remarked;
"Hullo, principal You hereY why
YOU must come and relieve me Tor
day" The principal replied: Il don't
promise to relieve you. but ! might
relieve your congregation"
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1907-03-29
cood Posers.

II would be quite impossible to in,.
agine people more courteous and con
sideraie than our king and queen, and
they are such perfect sitteTs- King
Edward has, by the way. very Keen
knowledge of how TO arrange group
fer Photographic purposes.-The Ias-
Ter
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1907-03-29
p,;,i.b Soldiers Heavy Helmet.

The Brid-l soldier wears the heat
lest helmet in the world. for his head
gear weighs no less than IS ounces,
while that OF the Prussian infantry
man Is only a trife over IA ounces ard
that Of the Italian Just under y
ounces. The forage caps OF both
France and Russia weigh less than
eizht ounces. while that Of Japan is
The hehtest Of all. as it turns the scale
AZ little over four ounces.
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1907-03-29
Yesterdays aver Forecasts.

The Ohio from Evansville n
Cairo. viii continue 90 fall a. slowly
Increasing rate during the neVt sew.
eral days River viii pass below the
frn1 stage ar Caro- Friday and al
Paducah during Saturday.
The Tennessee. fr0m Florence q
hf mouth will continue 10 fan slow
. durirg he next IS 70 IS hours.
The Mississippi. from below 81
Louis 10 Cairo. no material change
during the next IS hours.
The Wabash. At Vt Carmel. WI
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1907-03-29

According to a Philadelphia PAL
the securing of cat skins is sometnl
of an Industry in that city. the SIX
are seat to France. where they
dyed and returned 10 this country
popular fur. Good cat skin looks W
much Ike squirrel and is used in
similar way. being especially popu
fer hate and hat trimmings.
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1907-03-29
CONTRACTS AWARDED
FOR IMPROVEMENTS

The BoarI Of Local Improve mnts
yesterday awarded the contract foI
the big sewer 70 the Rich Cons rue.
lion company for s10s S13.10. fixine
the time 10 cOmme1ce work sixty
DAYS from date and to finish July J.
1908
The bid Of the Cairo Dredging com
rsny for filling and sewers on Six
feenth and Seventeenth streets wa'
accepted.
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1907-03-29
Social spectseles.

If women in this country really en-
ioyed the respect universally accorded
them In France English social lie
would certainly not present the pitt
able spectacle IL does of "hooiigan
girls" aad undignifed married women
not caly tolerating. but wildly pur-
suing, asinine "Freddies' and enemF
nate Boobies. Ladies Field
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1907-03-29
rain..L,.arted Medsrn Lovers.

The average modern young man
cares only for tame rabbit oonFsiar-
He labors under some new-faagied de-
Il sioa that Il is and.gnifled to WOO IN
less yoa'.e more than half sure OF
winning. Naturally the spoTt y 9 III
both 70 pursuer ard pursued TIE
dainty at Of eourfsfiD is nearly for
gottca.-Wo1.aB u Hnme-
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1907-03-29
Forecasts FOR Today.

Cairo and NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
with probably showers.
Illinois Showers; warmer noFth
portion.
Kentucky Threatening with show
ers.
Tennessee Cloudy and possibly oc-
casional showers.
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1907-03-29
Under All mooes.

We are so apt. when everything
seems desolate. to think that there
is nothing in the world bur our own
mood. II comes Ike sunrise, some
times. 10 remember that under all
moods is the viii Of God.--George II.
Morrison. -
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1907-03-29
General Conditions.

The day was fair with gentle
K aeze. Rain was reported from SIN
points BY yesterdays government
bulletin extending over the river val
levs. with .Go Of an inch at SC. Louis
which was the heaviest on the map
High temperatures continued.
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1907-03-29
TIre.ieoe psper~eiohts.

= ,.ovel and useful are the glass pa
he~veighss aith a cock inset IN the
top. They are octagonal. 50 can be
made to stand. but the clock is more
plainly seen when face mn.
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1907-03-29

Miss Ina. we're in the city yesterday
en- route home to Wickliffe, KY. from
Cape Ghardeau. where Miss Coffee
ha. attended a convent.
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1907-03-29
wasl,inntnn forecast.

washington, March 2S.-ILLlNOis
Rain Friday, cooler except near
Lake Michigan; Saturday, partly
cloudy, with variable winds.
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1907-03-29
Eczema and PimpIes

are quickly and permanently cured
ZEMO, a clean liquid for external y
ZEMOedraxs the germs TO the surii
Of the skin and destroys them, ieaV|
q nice clear healthy skin. Write T.
Rose Mes. Co. ST. Louis. Mo-,
sample. al Druggists sell ZEMo-
PAUL G. sCHuH 6 SONS.
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1907-03-29
ADDITIONAL PERSONALS

Chas. Feuchier. Jr. retu ed yes
terday from Murpaysboro and other
points on business.
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1907-03-29

continue TO fall during the next &c
hours.
CHARLES Z. LINNEY.
Section Director.
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1907-03-29

Moses Kaiz. q tie soniseimer
Lnmber company. went 20 Jopa yes.
terday on business for the company
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1907-03-29
sun and Moon.

sun will rise today ....-5t72 q. y
sna win set today ......G:2l p. M
Moon will rise tonight $50 y. ~.
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1907-03-29
wh.rs hey shsuIa Work.

In prohibHiag child labor the school
room is always excepted
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1907-03-29

tons OF wire and nails is lying at
louisville &c come south.
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1907-03-29
Mems SIS Spring Suits.

Apparel Of .terling quality, excellence and
unquestionable fashion correctness-evsr y
artistic touch that the most talented tailor
ing genius eau put into clothes, is pos
sessed by these handsome garments-built
OF the choicest woolens--in the nobbiest
patterns and designs--the authentic fashion
efects-suits Of unusual character and ex-
lusiveness-R uby's Tog gerry price cox
choice Of hundleds or-----------U Wv
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1907-03-29

EASTER finds Ruby's Toggery ready
IL men, young men and boys ever $
possibly find such an immense variety;
relatively brief but brilliant career, ha:
vertible proof of its better style givll
back policy have made Ruby's logger
Spring apparel is but another triumphs
The daily sentinel., 1907-11-16

One of the star comedians to ap-
pear In that mighty mix-up of fun
and music to be dealt out at the
Park opera house Wednesday and
Thursday nights, November 26th
and 27th. This bright, particular
star will sing that soul-stirring bal
lad entitled. II Don't Know Where
Pm Going. but I'm on My Way
Words by John O'Boyle; music by
Thomas Sawyer.
Mr.. Whittikar has a voice of un-
usual attractiveness, reminding the
auditor of the wind blowing to and
fro broken shutter on the barn.
He can attain the elevation of @
and has also been up on Pixies Peak.
He always succeeds In moving his
audience by his pathetic warbling,
the audience usually being ready to
move out of the building.
Mr.. Whittikar Is secured by the
Elks at an enormous price for this
number and will only respond to
encores at "time and half.