The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-29

| I invented Pilgrim Joe's Pain Allevia-
tor, the greatest thing of the kind
known to the world. 1t has saved ten
million people from the grave during
| the last Is years, and thus prevented a
| trust in cemetery lots.
! Kings take it. Emperors cry for it..
Cars will have no other.
I travel over the country sorrering
with the sorrowful and lifting up the
downtrodden and despairing. I instill
ambition and renew hope. 1 peel off
| the old hide and grow new one.
1 carry grasshopper in a bottle to
show the world that even the most fero-
cious animal can be tanned by kind
ness.
1 take tintypes at ten cents a take.
have a fighting dog under the wa
gon, and the old boss that draws my
wagon can make a mile in 2:40 on the
track.
My latest, and perhaps most inter-
.esting exhibition is a number of NOV
ing pictures that do move. After the
sale of my medicines on the public
square / open my picture exhibition and
give a lecture explaining things.
There are no bucking bronchos.
There are no Indians nor buffaloes.
There is no stage robbery.
There is no theatrical performance.
It is simply my show and no one
else's and the public should not get
things mixed up. I was a leading the
atrical man years ago, but finding that
1 was expected to marry and get
divorce at least twice year 1 gave it
up
In my moving pictures 1 SHOW Gen.
Washington at Valley Forge. He is
suffering with hunger. He moves over
to the cupboard and gnaws a bone. He
moves back to the fireplace and gnaws
a sassafras root. He is seen signing
and shaking his head. The audience
can see that he despairs of American
liberty. One bowl of oatmeal and milk
would win independence, but alas it is
c
along out of sight there is not dry
eye in the hall. Men have offered me
five dollars if 1 would feed the general
up and let him go ahead and lick the
British, but I have refused. I stick
rigidly 20 the historical in presenting
my pictures.
1 show Louis the Sixteenth on the
scaffold. He Is walking back and
forth and wondering whether he had
better die or not. He muses.. He pom
ders. He finally decides that as the
Revolutionists have gone to so much
trouble to get things ready he will not
disappoint them. He mods to the ex-
ecutioner to do his duty, and takes his
place on the plank and has his head
cut off This picture Is SO realistic
that husbands and wives 90 home and
dispute to the quantity of blood shed.
You see Napoleon at Waterloo. For
a time his countenance wears benign
expression, and you can fairly read his
thoughts. He is going to lick the
won't do so any more. Then he seems
to be puzzled. the same as a man who
finds four aces in his hand and sus-
poets the other Teller has straight
flush. Then there is a startled look,
followed by one that plainly says he
has bitten off more than he can chaw,
and guesses he will go home and play
with his Teddy Bear. You see him on
the skate, and he isn't stopping farm
ers to ask after the state of the buck
wheat crop.
You see Shakespeare at home. He
isn't writing any of his tragedies, but
is out in the field and on the move. The
artist caught him just as he was look
ing for the eggs of the meadow lark in
the grass. He finds some. Also some
humble bees. Every audience has the
highest respect for Shakespeare. but
when he takes a skip over the nearest
fence and plunges into the blackberry
bushes the laughter can not be re-
strained. Most people are surprised to
find that the humble bee was known
so long ago, and that his ways were
the same as now.
The battle of Gettysburg is shown