The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1907-11-09
The Further Adventures Of Mrs. Plumpit
Perkins on Her Trip 10 Newport.

Deer M1Stuf EulCur-I WAS 80 pieaZtu
to see my writin' in several weaks ago
that come mitey neer takin' the money |
that / headed fer plug chewin an
whiskey an payin' up my subscription,
but l thot jest in time.
But wuz tellin' yew abowt ole Miss
Plumpit Perkins trip to IMPORT over
the Calispel rode. AFTER she got her
wagon put together arter passin that
loaded team she druv on fer quite spell
without anything much happen
ing except that she had to stop and
rest ole Howitzer, the mewl, pretty often,
as part of the road had just been
worked by throing a lot of last years
mud back into the wheal tracks, an
Miss Perkins team bein' the first one
over part of it. OF korse her wheals had
to throw most of the mud cut agln, an
that was powerful tuckerin' to ole How
tier
Bimeby she got to crick WHARF, one
of them kownti ophishuls or his deputy
had put up notice that the brig over
the erik was condemned. OF korse Miss
Perkins knu that befour, an also that
the hole darn rode owt to bezin the
strongest kind of langwidge. But she
made up her mind to wunst that suthin
uncommon must be the matter with the
brig to have kownti ophishul take
ennv notice Of it atall. So she got out
of the wagun to investergalt las the
teller sais,'' an she found that a log had
broak in two. So she unhitched- ole
Howitzer and got out the single tree an
log chane from among her lode Of tools,
got the acks and went out in the woods
to get log to put in the plais of the one
| that was broak.
After she got the log an put it in
plais she went an took the notiss down,
an az it wuz most shutdown she kon-
kluded to kamp for the night WHARF she
wuz.
So she got out her grub box, put up
tent, lifted phire, and was just settin'
down on log to eat her supper when
who should come alawng but men.
They was real sochibul, and came right
up to the phire and helped themselves
to her baskits and eoney. One of them
wuz big pussy sort Of man with grey
side whiskers and a stovepipe hat. He
told Miss Perkins that he wuz kander-
DAFT fer the orphis of kownti cummis-
| simmer. He said he behaved in honest
government, let the chips fly WHARF
they might, and that the earliest bird
got the most worms. In fact, if the bird
got there soon enuff he would some
times corner the hull worm market and
get a mortgage on bugs or words to that
affect. Honesty was the best policy,
| in fact, that he knew of his own knowl-
idge that former incumbent of the
orphis OF kownti commissioners wuz so
imbewed with the prinsipul OF honesty
| that When widow in his distrik called
| for help frum the kownti, he went his
own self and hoed out an acre OF per-
tatoes for the widow four times and
charged his time up to the kownti while
he wuz a-dewing it, and to be sure and
not cheat the kownti on mileage he had
the kowntisurveyor come with a gang
OF men and measure up one rowe and
down the next, till they had measured
the hull field that way four times over,
and split up the widows whole wood
pile for stalks, and driv one in every
hill of potatoes. and made transit point
at the end Of each rowe, and then, of
korse, the surveyor and his men had to
figure out mileage for themselves, and
they ct up all the potatoes while they
wuz a-dewing it. Of korse there wuz no
doubt, "az emmy reasonable person could
see" that the widow might have got
more help if she had given bridge whist
party, but just look what the ophishuls
made out of it.
Jest hear Miss Perkins asked him if
he did not think that little Of the
kownti's revenew ought to be spent on
the publick rodez. why, my deer
maddum,' he said, Il am sori to hear
you menshun SIGH matter. Every
buddy knoze that knoze ennything at
all that if the rodez are left long enuff
the men who are neerest the bad PHASES
will fix them themselves. In such waiz
the kownti is sawed expense and the
farmers get the exurcize and a chance to
be soshibul with each uther."
Right hear Miss Plumpit Perkins
went into her tent, rolled herself up in
her blankets, and when she get to sleep
she drempt that the Calispel rode wuz a
mud kanal and wuz navigated by a feet
of Yankee stone boats with old women
in sunbunnets fer pilots. When she
woke in the morning she found that her
visiturs had builta phire, helped them
selves to her coffee, bakon and pertatoes
and left her the phire and not mulch
eltz for breakfuss But with the nu day I
hol lrn, a mr., ot,1rr,; IN ob,,, r., ZOO NJ, |