davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1907-09-14
Younger Element Would
Modify Rules to Suit
,lriShman.

NEW YORK. Sept IA real meas
urement, basing time allowances or ac-
tual length, sail area, displacement,
with draught, and sail area limited, is
what Sir Thomas Upton wants in chal-
longing for a race on Sandy Hook next
August for the Americas Cup, and this
question viii come close to disrupting
the great New York Yacht Club.
This became known today when a
number Of members emphatically stated
they would strenuously oppose apply
ing the regular club rules in accepting
the Irish baronets challenge.
THE deed OF gift Is the only condi-
ton we can impose for a race for this
cup" declared one of the members to-
day. 1--WE have no right to go behind
the conditions that were sanctioned
when the little America distanced all
of ner competitors. no matter what the
modern element wants"
Would Give Upton Show.
That is the way the old-umer in the
club feel. But the youngsters are dif-
ferent They say anuquated methods
don't go, and they are willing 10 give
Sir Thomas a run for his money any
way he wants.
The challenge left or the Umbria to
day. 1t will get here next Saturday.
and will be considered at the meeting
OF The club on October 3.
At that time Comm odore Cornelius
Vanderbilt is expected to appoint a
special committee TO examine precedents
and report If the club can accept the
challenge under the new rules.
The announcement Of the challenge
has ben well received here, and with
the return Of the leading members OF
the New York YachG Club from James
town next Monday. It is anticipated
preparations viii at once be set on foot
10 form a syndicate to build yachts to
defend the cup.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1907-09-14
HALI-UoYEs sCHooI.-

DAY AND NIGHT ADULTS AND
SESSIONS. CHILDRENS DFPTS.
Graded, High and College for preparatory
work; also private instruction. Opers sepf
Is. Catalogue, FRANCES MANN HALL
a N, 22l z 81 NV Phone Main SILK
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1907-09-14

THE
GEORGE WASHINGTON
UNIVERSITY.
Organized By Special act Of Congress
IN 1871.
CHARLES WILLIS NEEDRAn6, LIZ. D.,
President.
sIth Session. ls07-os. opens sept. %. 1901
Courses ofTere6' Sradaates Of ne VvasbinS-
ton High Schools anG other accredited sec
ondsry schools are admitted 10 the under
graduate courses without examination
Buildings
University Han. 18th and Fl streets.
da~ Building 1920 i street.
Medical and Dental Building. l5z5 H strest.
Engineering, iB2s-5o ] street
Architecture. 1872 street
Education, 1884 1 street.
Women's Building 1535-3s I street.
The University Hospitals, 1855 II street.
National College Of Pharmacy. sos I street.
Departments.
ACTS AND SCIENCES.
GRADUATE STUDIES.
master q >s l' Master q seisnes Civil
Engineer. Electrical Engineer. Mechanical
Engineer. and Doctor OF Philosophy.
COLUMBIAN COLLEGE.
Undergraduate courses. leading 10 degrees
Of Bachelor OF Arts and Bachelor OF
Science
wAsHIEGToE COLLEGE OF EN-
GIEEEEIEG.
UnderRrsduP ts courses, leading to the
BacheloF If Science degrees IN Civil. Elec-
u1cal. md Mechanical Engineering.
DIVISION or ARCHITECTURE
Undergraduate course. leading % the de-
gree OF Bachelor Of Science IN Architecture
COLLEGE OF TIE POLITICAL
SCIENCES.
Undergraduate and graduate courses
leading 10 degrees OF Bachelor OF Arts.
Master Of Arts and Master OF Diplomacy
DIVISION OF E1UCATIoE.
UNDERGRADUATES courses, leading 70 de-
grees Of Bachelor q Arts and Teacher
Diploma
MEDICINE.
A four-year course. also nve-yesr course.
leading TO the degree ofDoctor OF Medicine
pEHTTsTRY.
thres-year course, leading &c the degres
Of Doctor OF Dental Surgery.
Law.
Regular law course. leading 70 the ce-
gree % Bachelor 81 Laws.
Graduate courses, leading 10 the degrees
Of Master Of Laws Master Of Patent Law,
and Doctor OF Jurisprudence.
COLLEGE OF PHARMACY.
Three-year course. leading 20 the degree
OF Doctor OF Pharmacy.
For catalogues application blanks. and fur
theF Information. communicate with
OTIS D. SWEET. Registrar,
sez-s0t Cor. II. and 18th streets NV.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1907-09-14
STRAYER'S
". ca. INSTITUTE S SS,e' ?,

1886 @ STREET
Offers practical courses Of study IN Com
mercial. Technical Science. Language, and
General Preparatory subjects. Class work
conducted al night. go to 10 o'clock Fac
ulty OF p Instructors SIS students season
lS06-o7. Superb educational equipment with
general club features-gymnasium. baths, IL
brary. Nfe-Work helps. Regular membership
calendar year, S. Moderate class fees Day
school. courses in English. Mathematics and
Mechanical drawing. Opening night. Friday
September q. For bulletin. terms. etc. apply
20 MYRON J. JONES. Director,
Phone $50. 1875 G Street.
auIT-tf
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1907-09-14

AID WRITER. Flat "a, 1910 " ST. Plans.
prepares places ads. = years experience.
Glasses In ad writing, october LIST. ssi4-st
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1907-09-14

THE COMMERCIAL PITEAN SCHOOL
opens September 18th: new methods: pro
neiency in thirty 90 ninety days; regular
evening sessions Apply % the Principal.
s44 New York ave. before 8 g. N. or after
$50 p. m. Telephone NJ 400. sels-7s
Bluefield evening leader. [volume] (Bluefield, W. Va.) 1906-1911, 1907-02-04

The house will undoubtedly pass
one of the many two cent fare bills
that are now before It, Four years
ago the democrats introduced In the
senate and voted for the passage Of
a similar bill. but it was killed by
the republican majority Two years
ago Or. Lanham. OF TAYLOR county
introduced In the house a bill OF the
kind and secured It's passage through
that body by the vote OF the demo
Gratis, but the republican majority
in the senate ruthlessly slaughtered
It. The people since that time have
been worked IN TO the point where
they demand Legislation OF the kind
and IT. will be interesting to note
the gyrations OF the railroad sena-
tors when the question comes be
fore them for decision
The railroad lobby has received
two fierce Negotiations during the
past few days. The first was given
| it by Mr. Wetzel when the bill to
limit the service of railroad tele-
graph operators to eight hours in
| twenty-four was before the house
and the other by Senator Campbell
when he took occasion to inquire
what had become of his bill to Gre
ate a railroad commission, to fix
two cents as the maximum fare on
railroads, and to provide for separate
coaches for whites and blacks on
the railroads OF the state Both
gentlemen were I'm n sarcastic mood
when they arose to speak, and they
simply faped the off-side managers
OF legislation and the members who
submit to their management. These
two stalwart democrats are shout
der hitters i'm the arena of debate.
and neither ever did better execution
that when he went after the lobby
that has so long and so often de-
feated the will of the people by fore
ling their representatives to kill
measures of great public moment.
Bluefield evening leader. [volume] (Bluefield, W. Va.) 1906-1911, 1907-02-04

\ writer who has culled the fg-
uros from the reports of the De
Dar'mont OF Agriculture says: at
was noted last year that the potato
bug was rural luxury that cost
$S,OOO,OOO. while the army worm
cost s15.OOO.0OO without worrying
The crop reporters particularly. The
boil weevil is a $2O.OOO,OOO a year
pest. and the Hessian fly averages
twice the amount. San Jose scale
comes at $1O,OOO,OOO year when
not marked down by good luck, the
nodling moth at $2O.OOO,OOO. and
the despised grasshopper accounts
for an agricultural loss Of $4,000
900. The farmers lost n total aver
age of $2OO.OOO,OOO a year through
insoctivorous pests, which is three
times the annual cost Of the navy
and enough to pay the pension bud
get twice over and leave a balance
that would tempt Rockefeller. We
must have prosperous farmers to
stand It,"
Bluefield evening leader. [volume] (Bluefield, W. Va.) 1906-1911, 1907-02-04
WAR TALK A BLUFF.

Prospects OF war with Japan
were much discussed to-day in the
cloak-rooms at the capital. It grew
out of sensational publications this
morning in connection with the pres
ident's conference Yesterday evening
with the California delegation about
the Japanese and Secretary Taft's
letter asking the Senate appropria-
ton committee to vote additional
for Notifications I'm Hawaii.
The older leaders in Congress say
today that this talk is all bluff, but
that 1t is serving purpose at this
time. when the House is about to
take up the navy appropriation bill.
Some kind of a war scare has pre-
ceeded the consideration of navy and
military bills more than once in re-
cent years. Just now the House is
not in a very friendly mood toward
big naval appropriations Washing
ton Dispatch. lE,E
Bluefield evening leader. [volume] (Bluefield, W. Va.) 1906-1911, 1907-02-04

Some contrasts between the bank
ing business OF to-day and that OF
years ago were thus pointed out bv
Alexander Gilbert, president OF the
New York clearinghouse. in an ad-
dress to a section OF the New York
state bankers association:
Today the banker feels tha5 no
must stand on guard all day to pre-
vent the other fellow from encroach
ing on his reserve. Then bank pres
idents were elected because they had
gray hairs and had nothing TO do
but look wise. Every application
for a loan ha dto go into the dis
count box and 20 before the board.
Those we're the days when the dlrec-
tors earned their fees, although We
didn't pay them anything Gentle
men, you may not believe il, but II
seemed an honor We were all hap
py. We all made money IF the
bankers Of New York today would
just stand shoulder to shoulder and
work to maintain conservative bank
ing instead OF reaching ont to get
everything In sight we would have
much more healthful growth. and
would have more happiness in our
business lives.
Bluefield evening leader. [volume] (Bluefield, W. Va.) 1906-1911, 1907-02-04

The state railroads OF Victoria.
Australia. report for the last fiscal
year the largest gross earnings on
record. These roads have mile
age OF 1894 and a capitalization OF
s2O1.463.54S. Their gross income
the past Aear amounted 20 $751;
f32.44S and working expenses to
s9.72S,246. The fixed charges or
interest OF the debt were $7,737.-
1873. leaving nearly million dol
7rs as surplus 10 hc turned into the
public treasury. This is a new ex.
7erience for that Australian state
tho receipt OF surplus profit from
ITS railroad operations As the
state never thought OF handing It's
railroads over TO private enterprise
in the days OF deficit. It is not likely
TO favor such a step now
Bluefield evening leader. [volume] (Bluefield, W. Va.) 1906-1911, 1907-02-04

asked. III want TO find the person
here who knows most about steam
engineering" They referred him to
Chi.f Engineer Melville, the freat
steam expert what is it," & ked
Melville after Kipling had been in
troducad 81 want TO find the man
who knows most about steam engi-
neoring." Jim Perry's your man
said Melville and he gave Kipline
a card TO Perry. Kipling went down
TO see Perry. talked with him for
half day, and then wrote his
story. Between the Devil and the
Deep Sea"
Bluefield evening leader. [volume] (Bluefield, W. Va.) 1906-1911, 1907-02-04

DIR. Carmichael. the new bishop
OF Montreal, is an Irishman- a ma
tive OF Tipperary. He tells story
about a clergymen who was examin-
ing a Sunday-school class and who
CHANGED TO ask one OF his small pu-
pills why 1t was cruel to cut of dogs
tails. One child replied that It was
cruel because Of the text in the Bible
What text. my dear?" asked the
puzzled clergyman. The child was
thoughtful for a moment and then
replied: What God has joined to-
gether let not man nut asunder."
Bluefield evening leader. [volume] (Bluefield, W. Va.) 1906-1911, 1907-02-04

In America there are $50 differ
ent denominations OF the Christian
religions. The diversity Of thor"h'
runs the gamut from the Mormons
who believe in plural marriages to
the shakers. who do not believe ~
marriage at all; from the Episco
palians with their vested choirs e.
the Primitive Baptist, who will not
use an organ or other instrument
in their services; from the elaborate
masses Of the Catholics to the silent
meetings Of the Quakers from tho
high-salaried ministers Of the Uni
tarians to the workers i'm the Sal
walton Army, who serve for pit
lance.
Bluefield evening leader. [volume] (Bluefield, W. Va.) 1906-1911, 1907-02-04
Read the Daily LeaGer.
Reason Why.

$4o6OOO ACCIDENT BENEFITS is the amount paid by
TRAVELLERS IN 1905 stands history Of ACCIDENT
sUANCE world record of ACCIDENT paid
any other two combined
and in an proof
First THAT ACCIDENT INSURANCE great protective
necessities o modern
Second THAT THE ACCIDENT Travellers are o
liberal and most carefully devised policy
the Company Is actuad by Fpi adjust
ent which polyholder as the terms OF
a
lhrd' THAT THE TRAVELLERS AS THE PIONEER
been advertised by It's satisfied pooders annually
supremacy and its prestige
CLAUDE w. MOSS District Agent
tHORNTON BUILDING, BLUEFIELD w. VA.
Bluefield evening leader. [volume] (Bluefield, W. Va.) 1906-1911, 1907-02-04

There appears in one OF the Paris
papers OF a day or two ago an inter
view. cabled from New York, with
the well-known flnancier, Jacob IT.
Schiff in which he says:
The conditions in which we find
ourselves at present appear much
misunderstood, particularly in Eu-
ropc Tt is fact that we are suf-
fering from an excess of prosperity
which is simply overwhelming us
Bluefield evening leader. [volume] (Bluefield, W. Va.) 1906-1911, 1907-02-04

Jefferson Davis, who has just re
tired from the sovernorship Of Ar
kansas, issued 177S pardons duriug
the six years he served as chief exc
cutive of the tate. This record s
believed to stand without an equal
in any state in the Union. Mr. Da-
Wis was in office 219O days and de
Quoting 312 Sundays 1878 WORKING
days are left. This shows a pardon
granted for almost every day in
which Gov Davis was in office. Tho
total of 1878 pardons does not in
clude about $50 proclamations for
the renting OF fines. the release of
bondsmen and similar cases.
Bluefield evening leader. [volume] (Bluefield, W. Va.) 1906-1911, 1907-02-04

our industr.ca cannot find labo
with which 10 master the orders
touring I'm upon them; our railroad
IRE I'm need Of equipment and al
ditional facilities 20 handle the i'm
mense business OF the country, and
the banks can only furnish part O
the working capital with which tc
do the Unprecedented commerce
which has developed.
Bluefield evening leader. [volume] (Bluefield, W. Va.) 1906-1911, 1907-02-04
PRYAN'S LUCK.

Mr.. Bryan must be a man OF des-
tiny. or when thrown out OF his
sleigh in Spokane he would have
struck a stone wall instead OF a
snow drift. Twice defeated for the
Presidency. and hailed by his party
as the candidate for third trial
returning scratches from jour
ney round the world last week
coming out uninjured from a rail
road smash-up, and now emerging
from a snow bank with his ardor
uncooled-truly Mr.. Bryan has OK
cuse for faith in his "star."
Bluefield evening leader. [volume] (Bluefield, W. Va.) 1906-1911, 1907-02-04

Rudyard Kipling spent winter
in Washington some years ago. One
day he was found peering around
in the corridors Of the state wa
and navy building What is it Mr.
Kipling?" a man who knew him.
Bluefield evening leader. [volume] (Bluefield, W. Va.) 1906-1911, 1907-02-04
WE ALL CAME
THAT WAY

It will not be any loss to the ma
ton if the proposed immigration
bill for further restriction OF immi-
grafton fails to become a law. We
are all Of us immigrants, either in
our own persons or by our ancestors.
and it comes with poor grace for us
to try 10 shut the door against
thousands of other as good people
as We are. It may be true that the
saints shall inherit the earth, but
we are bit hypocritical in suppos-
ing that nobody but ourselves IS
eligible to that beatifc condition.
Fitchburg Sentinel
In her bill for divorce a Cleveland
Bluefield evening leader. [volume] (Bluefield, W. Va.) 1906-1911, 1907-02-04

10 you know that rheumatism cal
be relieved? II you doubt this JUS
Try one application OF Chamberlain
Pain Balm. II will make rest and
sleep possible. and that certainly
means a great deal to any one az
aicted with rheumatism. For sale
by all druggists.
Bluefield evening leader. [volume] (Bluefield, W. Va.) 1906-1911, 1907-02-04

The largest block o, hewn yrsnitc
in the world is believed to be that
which supports the st. Petersburg
statue OF Peter the Great 1t weighs
1917 tons.
Bluefield evening leader. [volume] (Bluefield, W. Va.) 1906-1911, 1907-02-04

'e" drunk every night for thirteen
years. There's ono man for whom
the morning after has no terrors.-
Washington Post.
Bluefield evening leader. [volume] (Bluefield, W. Va.) 1906-1911, 1907-02-04

The more violent the storm tn,
sooner It is overs Seneca.
Bluefield evening leader. [volume] (Bluefield, W. Va.) 1906-1911, 1907-02-04
RHEUMATISM;

WH1 ;, FER FRosl
Bluefield evening leader. [volume] (Bluefield, W. Va.) 1906-1911, 1907-02-04

In her bill for divorce a Cleveland
woman claims that her husband has
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-04-07

more simple. In the interior of his palace
the King caused to be constructed large
tank, which he kept constantly filled with
water. Then he took several teak logs, which
he had bored with holes, and into these holes
he put his specie reserve. The holes were closed
up, and the logs put into the tank.
Then some crocodies, of the largest and
fercest description were installed in the tank,
and maintained there,-not being fed SO much,
however, as to interfere with their natural
ferocity. Any person who would undertake
to reach the treasure laden logs would surely
be eaten by the crocodiles. And anyone who
would undertake to put the saurians out of his
way would undoubtedly make noise enough to
attract the attention of the human guards
and of the King himself, for the ruler of AMMAN
is required by custom to remain very closely
in his palace.
At all events, the royal crocodile treasury
has never been robbed, and it cannot burn.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-04-07
ME The Humor of a.
lM Writing Humor M
1 DWIGHT SPENCER ANDERSON II

lie by the Harvard Hasty Pudding Club.
Magazines frequently retain an anecdote
a year before publishing. Perhaps there is
presumption that after a year the joke is
new one again.
Last winter the proprietors of hardware
store in a country town hung out this sign:
JONES & SMITH
Cheap Skates
I" 1t was several days before its double mean
ing dawned on them. Il. B. CoLEY.
l sold squib the same idea to now
defunct fiction magazine, and it appeared IN
their April, 1906, issue. Mr. Coley's version
is better than mine, being shorter. lnciden-
tally, mine hasn't been paid tor, and his has.
Shake, Coley!
So many minds constantly working on the
quips of language cannot help but hit upon the
same ideas.
An Embarrassing Experience
T NOW come to my most interesting as well
L as most embarrassing, experience IN this
line. The following appeared over my sigma
ture in Puck, December IL, 1906:
SOCIETY FICTION
Chapter |.
Patr1mony.
Chapter II.
Matrimony.
Chapter Ill.
Acrimony.
Chapter ~.
Alimony."
l hereby take oath, depose and state;
wrote that thing myself, all alone, with PEN
Gil and rirning dictionary, and the idea OF the
similarity of the two words "Matlimony" and
"Alimony."
And the following appeared in the exchange
column of Judge" December IS, 1906 issued
and on the stands the same week with Puck" {:
THE MONEY PROBLEM.
A drama In i've acts:
Act /.
Patrimony.
Act II.
Matrimony.
Act Ill.
Parsimony.
Act ".
Testimony
Act V.
Alimony."
-CHArARRAL.
Men have been hung on less evidence than
this. l don't know when this squib was first
printed, nor where Mr. Chaparral resides; or,
if he is a magazine, where his publication
Office is located; but know l wrote that thing
way back last summer, and submitted it to
Judge" on August II, who returned it to me.
1t was then offered to Puck" on October Fl,
and accepted. 1t has caused me great deal
of embarrassment, however. especially because
the two magazines were issued practically the
same day.
l have not written this to be personal de-
tense. Here is the point: a man who is writ
ing humor can be original only in the form of
his expression; never in the elemental idea.
And the man who is quick to suspect plagiar-
ism when he observes such condolences merely
exposes his own inexperience. Why, l once
printed a yarn that Mark Twain had used long
years before l was born. Shall l accuse our
great American humorist of stealing my thun-
der? No. indeed. He is innocent admit it.
Besides (although l do not wish to indulge in
compliments that might turn his head), in my
opinion that story is the best thing Mr.. Clemens
ever wrote.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-04-07
MD you ever write a joke, and have some
kind friend inform YOU that he read it

DID you ever write joke, and have some e
IL kind friend inform you that he read 1t
years ago in such and such a paper! -
or nsinuate, mildly, that YOU made 1t over from
something he said to you the day before or
point with derision to the very issue ., OF the
magazine from which you purlo1ned 1T
Know, then, that there is no such thing IN
this gay world as new joke. Your witty
friend who effervesces nerriment on summer
night when the lights of the city act like cham
payne upon his brain-scintiEat1ng as his
repartee may be-has never yet, and never
will, give utterance to new joke. In support
of this statement are hereby appended re"
examples of condolences that have come under
my personal observation.
Hanging is too good for some men and
most ictures."-SATURDAY EVENING fosT.
1--WE all agree that painting may be guilty
of so many crimes against good taste that
hanging is too good for it."-PUcK.
She: "You must not kiss me until we are
He: Do you mean to say that you always
She: i've always tried to-"
Magazine of Fun; October, 1906.
On March IS, 1906, this joke, word for word,
appeared in Life" with very pretty illus
tration. There is no insinuation OF plagiarism.
Both writers were probably original.
Have you much room in your new fiat!"
Room! Mercy no, should think notl My!
our kitchen and dining room are so small that
we have to use condensed milk. TIP BITS.
Mrs. A.: The Medleys never use any but
condensed milk"
Mr. A: well, their fiat is even smaller
than ours "-AMERIcAN SPECTATOR.
From Sheridan to Date
CHERIDAN, author of THE Rivals" and
~ THE School for Scandal" was once in
the company of a bore, who, upon mention
being made of certain popular air, remarked
that it always carried him away when he heard
it. Who can whistle it," asked Sheridan.
This is the modern version
Freshman: That's a beautiful song. 1t
simply carries me away"
She: I'm sorry didn't sing it early in the
evening. OHIO WESLEYAN TRANSCRIPT
He: 81 understand that Mrs Virgins re-
jected Mr. r., Virgins thirteen times before she
She: "Yes. She evidently thought it best
to shake well before taking. -MAGAzINE OF
Fun; March, 1906.
"She Tilted him seven or eight times before
she finally consented to marry him.
Maybe she considered him dose OF medl-
cine
HUH"
LAND LEADER; March 9, 1906.
The joke of joke writing is that every joke
smith thinks he is writing new ones 1t would
be merely matter of piling up statistics to
fiji volume with these examples l have seen
anecdotes in "Lippincotts that appeared in
"The Youths Companion" fifteen years ago.
In the December, 1906, "Lippincott's" appears
this venerable mummy:
He is a diamond in the rough"
That is why we cut him.
Which first appeared years ago in the farce
Poison" written and presented to the pub