davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-11-15
Name, Please.

Tudor jerks. the author OF many bits
OF humorous verse and prose, has al
ways had difficulty on first meeting
people In getting them to accept his
name as his own. They insist on re-
gardfng It as rather odd pseudonym.
The other. day. in 'front.' OF the Fifth
Avenue Hotel. Sfr. jerks was an In
voluntary witness to fight between
two cab drivers. The men were
promptly arrested and Mr.. jerks was
hailed to court with them to tell what
he had seen. The police magistrate
was elderly, gruff and shorttempered.
what is your name?" asked the
lawyer.
Tudor jerks"
"once more. please"
Tudor jerks"
A sharp rap from the court, and this
explosively:
Witness will stop making funny
noise and give his name!"-saturday
Herald.
Success has turned many d mans
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-11-15
DO YOU KNOW

that fortune telers are fortune swell.
lers-ior themselves!
that there Is nothing wrong In girl
kissing the right MANI
that success has made a fool of many
IN Otherwise sensible man?
that many a girl can handle hair
curler better than a potato peeler?
that after man gets drunk he thinks
other people think that he isn't?
that the man is fortunate whose tnstes
are similar to them of the COOKE
that quiet wedding is but a curtain
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-11-15

Success has turned many d mans
head. In fact It's a long head that
has NO turning :-Puck II 4 ~, ~;
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-11-15
KINDLY READ THE list and DESCRIPT IONS
OUR PIANOS

Our leaders are the Smith & Nixon
lines, Ebersole and Krell and first of
the
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-11-15

The Smith & Nixon Player Piano
is the best the world produces. 1t is
tie Smith & Nixon Upright Grand
with the player inside.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-11-15
EBERSOlE.
PRICE $4,000.

This high grade instrument stands
in class by itself.
In creating It, the desire of Its max
ers was to build plano possessing
oil 1.-The attributes possessed by the I'M:
est Instruments made and yet be an
individual creation; to build case
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-11-15
SEWING MACHINES.

This is the VIII C. Free Sewing Ma,
chine, the very latest, combining all
the good features Of the old makers,
with many new ones added. Rotary
in every motion. PRICE $4,000.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-11-15

The Smith G. Nixon Grand ranks
among the highest Of their class and
are produced in all grades, from the
Boudoir Grand to the Concert Grand.
We illustrate below the Bourdofr
Grand.
PRICE $4,000.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-11-15

raiser for a strenuous atterpart'
that speaking of shade trees-most
family trees are more or less shady7
that It's good to make the best OF the
present-if you can't exchange It!
that It's hard to believe a man a liar
when he says nice things about you'
that box Of candy will go farther with
a woman than a ton OF argument
that It takes lot of courage on the
part OF a young man to tell girl how
pretty some other girl is?
that there isn't anything that trou-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-04-21
New High-Power Liqht.

From the Technical World Magazine
 'Luso a new illuminant, has no chem ical individuality. but is merely a com- mercial name. It closely resembles acety- lene To prevent the deposit of black smoke a special lamp was devised. It ls not only d lamp. but a small distllery. As lusol is very volatile and highly in fammable, this lamp had to be very carefully made to prevent leakage. Even should the lamp be overturned, not the slightest breath of the illuminant can escape. Below the burner Is q central ceiver. Herein a tightly packed wick Is fixed. The tube is closed at the top thus effectually preventing the wick from emerging The wick itself is not lighted. Itj power of capillary attraction merely is used to draw the luso to the dis tillery compartment. It Is the vapor which burns.
 The only communication between the exterior of the lamp is an orince so min ute that a fine needle hardly can en- ter. This opening is so nicely adjusted that it allows just enough vapor to es- cape to ensure a sufficient quantity of air to keep the flame burning. The lusol lamp heats as well as Eliminates. ThJ lamp is promptly extinguished by the closing of the minute ori1ce.
 The advantages of the 1usol lamp lies in it's cheapness. It can be left burning a whole day at a cost of about five cents. For outlying villages and farm houses this form of lamp should be particularly valuable
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-04-21
Best Bargains Are Left.

This is particularly true as to the quality of the instruments. The first week of the sale was a record-breaker, but we still have a fine assortment of the good makes left, the real bar gains.
 During the next week we will sell new uprights at $153, $176, $197, etc., that ordinarily sell for twice these prices.
 Uprights, good as new, at $97.
 Others at $110, $135 and $143. Other fine new uprights in mahog- any, walnut English oak and other finishes, worth $375, $400 to $425, will go at $212, s228 to $243.
 And on terms to please you.
 This week will be made memorable by the most sensational slaughter of good pianos ever heard of in the south
 Two new beautiful high grade up- rights, in mahogany and walnut cases, former price $450, to close at $263.
 One new English oak upright, per feet beauty, former price S450, to close at S273
 Two new mahogany uprights, high grade, richly carved cases, always sold at s475. your choice at $2S7.
 Three new mahogany uprights, none better made, and never sold for less than $500, s550 and $500, will be closed out to lucky buyers at wonderful dls- counts. They are reduced to s312, S342 and s3S3. s
 Used Instruments.
 A few good squares and used organs left that we are going to sell this week at some price. We simply must get rid of them. We have reduced them to $10, SIP, s15, SIS, $20, and you can buy one at S3 monthly.
 The large number of instruments sold during the past week Is the best evidence that the bargains here are real and genuine.
 If you need an instrument you will regret 1t If you do not come to this sale this week Store is open until 9:30 D. m.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-04-21
WEEKLY AVERAGES
 OF CLEARING HOUSE

New York. April 2o.-The statement of clearing house banks for the week shows that the banks hold s11 ,704,s25 more than the legal reserve requirements. This is a decrease of $414S,10O as compared with last week. The statement follows:
 Loans, $1, ,125. .O0i 300; increase, $25,3i7 800.
 Deposits, $1,10s, ,163,50O; increase, s26,501,- 500.
 Circulation, $50,106,S0O; decrease, S1S1, ,So0.
 Legal tenders. s7S,el6.SO0; increase. s314,- 200.
 Specie, $2l5,1 ,4O0; increase, $2,16Sl00.
 Reserve, s2Ss,745,7 ,7co; increase, s2,477S0O.
 Reserve required, s277,O40.s75; increase, s6625, 400.
 Surplus, $11.7O4S25; decrease. Si,1is100.
 Ex-United States deposits, $l9G ,900; de- crease, S4,0S4,175.
 New York, April 2O.-The Financier says:
 Last weeks official statement of the New York Associated Banks showed as the most notable feature a further ex- pansion of $25,347, 800 in loans, following the unprecedented gain of s370oO,000 re- corded in the previous week, making the total increase in this item during the fortnight 62 1-3 millions; deposits also were further augmented last week by $26,501 .60O and the aggregate for fort nightly period was T 2-5 millions; in this interval cash increased little more than si,000,000. The expansion in loans here noted was largely the result of the re- cent shifting hither from London to take advantage of the rates ruling in our money market of large amounts of loans which had been placed at the British cap ital on American stock collateral. Such expansion was also chiefly due last week to the fact that owing to extremely low rates for money at call trust companies quite generally left on deposit their, bal ances with the banks undisturbed in- stead of loaning their funds at rates at least no better than those that were paid by the banks on trust companies ball.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-04-21
Curious Condensations.

From the Pittsburg Dispatch
 The ancient Egyptians used form of blast furnace 2OOO B. c.
 A mans hair usually turns gray five years sooner than woman's
 The population of London is rapidly reaching the seven million mark.
 Every German soldiers equipment in- cludes Bible and a half-pound cake of chocolate.
 There are about 54,O0o Chinese in the Transvaal gold mines, which fact is giving the British some concern
 large Filipino Methodist Episcopal church is in process of erection in a prom inent location in the city of Manila.
 The mandril baboon has the most bril- liant colorings of any quadruped. It shows blue. red and purple of vivid tints.
 New York city has more asylums, homes. hospitals and organizations for the relief of human suffering than any other city in the world.
 In the last six years, in the course of seventy-three wars or military and naval expeditions in Asia and Africa, Great Britain has had s67S men killed and 23,7S3 wounded
 A professor at Berne university is Mile Gertrude Woker She is 26 and passed all her examinations some time ago with great distinction. She lectures on physics and chemistry.
 Every male in Russia over 15 years old smokes about 150 cigaretts a week, ac- cording to a British consular report on Poland and Lithuania. One pound of to- bacco suffices for 1000 cigarettes. ~ The bishop of Digne stated recently in the Paris Gaulois that, while some of the priests are now living on their savings, others are supporting themselves by mending watches, making bee-hives and knitting jerseys.
 There is movement in Maine to permit an open season for killing beavers be- cause of the damage to standing timber caused by the little animals. Lumber men lay all sorts of depredations at the door of the dam-builders.
 A copy of Goldie's painting of the death of St. Francis Xavier-the great Christian missionary to Japan and China in the sixteenth century-has been ordered in London by the Japanese government for the public library at Tokio.
 The Honorable Mrs. Beersford. better known by her stage name, s>ty Gordon. has recovered from an insurance company s5oC0 in an English court the value of a fur coat stolen from her trunk when she was on her way from New York to Eng land
 The Philippine department of education has done more to pacify the islands than any other department of the American administration. The excellent work of the 1000 American school teachers is bear ing fruit. says the South China Morning Post of Hongkong.
 remarkable court decision in biga- my case has been handed down at Perugia, Italy. where Charles Balliori. a tailor. was acquitted of charge of hav- ing two wives on the ground that he has two hearts. Four physicians testified that Balliori had two hearts. and the court at once decided that this was ample reason for him to marry two women.
 To the top of the dome Of London s
 Y criminal courts building is 19o feet,
 ., is lofty for London. The new con
 1 cell will be "No. S." Over the
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-04-21
A Boy's Memory.

From the Smith County Q<an) Pioneer.
 A number of years back burley vest ern Kansas man gave his nephew, lad of fifteen years, an unmerited chastisng. The boy promised his assailant q like compliment when he became Il man. Now you may think the boy forgot all about his words, uttered in the heat of a pas sion. but this wasn't that sort of kid. The uncle was about his duties on the farm one day last winter when a husky six-footer came up and gave him a glo- rious humping. It was the nfteen-year- old nephew. only he was six years older. Then the uncle sued for S1000 for per sonal injuries inflicted. An unsympathetic jury couldn't see 1t that way and he took the case to the supreme court. Last week that august body handed down a decision affirming the lower courts decision.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-04-21

possibilities of underwriting. There was a time In the street when 1t was con sidered a cinch to be a member of a bond underwriting syndicate. One syn dicate after another turned over a fat profit without using any real capital to speak of. But then the market became glutted with bonds, and syndicates were landed with their own wares. Since then the street hasn't been so enthusiastic over bond underwriting syndicates Early in the winter, when everybody was bringing out mining company, mining stock underwriting syndicates became the fad. Stock was underwritten at, say s2 a share, was brought out at $5 and i'm mediately landed on the public all the way up to s10. Brokers found this the easiest way of making money that had been discovered in a long time. But the market has been glutted with mining stocks and many of the belated syndi- cates find that they cannot sell their own wares at the underwriting prices
 Although little has been heard recently about the consolidation of Tennessee Coal and Iron and the Republic Iron and Steel company, 1t may be said that sub stantial progress Is making towards the fusion of the two corporations. Interests which had been holding out against the deal are understood to have been placated, and those who have been at work on 1t for year or more express ing stock by continual announcements of the success of the plan can soon be made. They are anxious to avoid preua- ture statements, however, as there have been so many sip-ups in the past. They do not want to make themselves a laugh in gstock by continual announcements that all difference have been fixed up. The next time anything from the inside Is published affirmatively, it will be a hnality. Objections heretofore 1Iave come from the holders of Republic stocks who seem to feel that they were getting a shade the worst of 1t under the proposed arrangement
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-04-21

ances. The banks sought to employ these increased balances through liberal loan ing at current rates at call, and hence the remarkable increase in the volume of such loans The cash gain reported by the weeks statement was &, AT 300. which amount closely agreed with the majority of the estimates tliat were based upon the traceable movements of money. Ow ing to the increase of s26,511 600 in depos- it's the required reserve was augmented $6,625, 400, deducting from which the gain in cash as above left s414s, 100 as the de- crease in surplus reserve to $11 S2Z. computed upon the basis of deposits, less those of s3l012, 300 public funds, the sur plus is sf9,607,O00.
 The daily average of bank clearings during the week was $2SS, 100000, against 314,00O,0Oo in the previous week. Clear ings on Saturday reHectng Fridays bus mess was $235 ,30i, 52s. Comparisons of loans by individual banks showed that nine institutions increased this item by 2h millions net; five banks gained mil lion net cash.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-04-21
Disraeli "Potted" Ills Epiqrams.


 MT. DisLord Goschen in April Putnams s. had the honor once, of sitting next to MT. Disraeli at dinner at Trinity House He had a bishop on one side whom he did not like; so he unbent to me, a young politician, and made three epigrams, each of which struck me as very good I was deeply interested seven years later in finding all three, just as he had used them to me, introduced in "Lothair' and "Endymion." The fact is, he potted his epigrams. Let me tell you one of them He told me, in a drama tic style I wish could reproduce, that in 1S4S or about that time, Count Mismarck, as he was then, had been summoned to Berlin to give Germany a constitution, and was instructed to take London on his way.
 At Lcndon 1t was arranged that Bis marck and Disraeli should meet We met" said Disraeli. "I said to Count Bismarck. They have summoned you to Berlin to give them constitution To which Count Bismarck replied: They have summoned me to Berlin to give them a constitution; I intend to give them country. {" On this I observed: MT. Dis rael that sounds like one of your own epigrams across the table of the House of Commons He replied but in very unconvncing voice, Count Bismarck did say so." Well. gentlemen. I had an op- portunity years afterwards, ~ining with Count Bismarck, to tell him the story. and asked him. Did you say that?" Count Bismarck said to me, but also in an unconvincing voice, ''Yes, said so." MT. Disraeli was dead at that time Well, I had against me two great men, both of whom said it was Count Bismarck who used the words. but for my part, believe to this day that the phrase was coined in British mint. Count Bismarck, how ever was perfectly capable of splendid rhetorical phrases.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-04-21
It's up to us.

It's up to us.
 The above extract from letter is what we receive in answer to re- quest for an extension of few days pr week.
 Tho contractors have made arrange ments for other work to immediately follow work to be done for us, and they refuse to change their plans.
 Notwithstanding the fact that during the past week we sold over fifty in struments, we have left of that mag nificent stock about forty-five high grade pianos.
 On account of the extremely bad weather during the first week of the sale many people were unable to at tend, and we asked the contractors for an extension of a few rays or a week.
 They have refused the request, noti- flying us to get our pianos out of the way of possible damage.
 So it's up to us.
 This unexpected turn of affairs sim ply places us in position where we can't help ourselves, and we must dis pose of these remaining pianos, at some price, on some kind of terms.
 And it must be done within the next six days.
 To make sure that every piano will be taken by next Saturday night we have gone over the stock carefully and have made a further cut on the previ- ously greatly reduced prices.
 We will leave no stone unturned in our efforts to close out every instru- ment by next Saturday night
 It means that during the next six days you can buy best pianos at this sale at prices that will never be dupli- cated here or elsewhere
 And on your own terms.
 Many will go at their simple cost of manufacture.
 Others at even less than cost.
 Do you want a Weber?
 Or Fischer, Kimball, Steck, Haines Bros, Grown, Whitney or Marshall & Wendall?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-04-21
Nothing Like It SOuth.

An entire large store devoted exclusively to Post Cards Novelties News Clios, All of the local city views in- cudng the surburban districts Coal Mines Ore Triples Steel Plants, in Crayon, Hand CooTs, Tnts, etc.
 All of the typical Southern scenes and places interesting to every complete assortment of the works of art repro duced from oil paintings Marine Landscapes Mountain, Val
 eys Flowers Birds Animals Foreign views from all parts of the globe Local booklets Miniatures Guides Pocket encyclo- pedia, etc.
 place where you spend hours easng your eyes that which is pleasing
 You will find large comfortable upholstered seats for your venience writing desks pens stationery, etc. place where you wait for your meet your friends and make your from thousands of all kinds of cards and mail to the folk at home the girl any place They all like to get them It's place where you will see everybody.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-04-21
Woman Kills RattIesnake.

Auburn (Mass.) Correspondence Boston
 Herald.
 Mrs. Charles Atkins of Minot avenue. this city, has had a grewsome experience with a rattlesnake which she discovered in her coalbin
 She. first saw the snake about three months ago when she went 10 get bod of coal. The snake was coiled up on the coal pile and made a vicious lunge at Mrs. Atkins, who escaped. Since then she has seen the snake several times and has heard it's rattle.
 She always approached the coalbin with a pitch fork in her hand. On several oc- casions she has tried to kill the reptile but it has always got away. She did not tell any one of the snake for fear she would not be believed.
 The other day as she approached the bin she discovered the snake, which struck at her. Then long battle en- sued. in which Mrs. Atkins was the vic- tor She finally struck one tine of the fork through the body of the reptile and then quickly threw 1t into the furnace fire. She declares that the snake was five feet in length.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-04-21
SEALS PIANO co.

main entrance is figure of the Record ing Angel The judges in the several
 courts will have telephone connection from the bench with the engineer. so that he can regulate the temperature of the room to suit each.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-04-21
An Inferior Tribunal.

From the New York Sun.
 Knlcker-Is Jones a judge of horses?
 Boeker-Yes. but his decisions are gen- orally reversed.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-04-21
MORPHINE

and other drug habits are positively cured by HABITINA. For hypodermic or internal use. Sample sent to any drug G habitns .d Sa.t,y 6,y Free at your druggist or by mali in plain wrapper. Delta Che emlc~l Co.,. SA Louis. Mo For sale by all Birmingham Druggists.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-04-21
Come and Take One to Your Home You Gan Pay For It at Your Convenience Store Open Until 930 p. m,
 2017 First Avenue.

. Received Prem Contractors:
  April
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-04-21
4 VERITAB[E SLAUGHTER
 0F REMAINING PIANOS
 BEGINS TOMORROW
Seals Piano Company Receives Notice That Every Piano Must Be Out of the Way of the Workmen Not Later
 Than April 29th.
BIG EXTRA CUT ON PIANOS

Will Be Made Clear Out Every Instrument Any Reasonable Terms of Payment Will Be Accepted No Time Now to ouibble About Prices or Terms We Mcst Sell
 Of These Pianos
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-04-21

Underwriters of mining stock pools are not 50 enthusiastic just now over the
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-05-11
THEY WANT ROOSEVELT.

New Orleans, May 11.-Albert God
chaux. president of the New Orleans
Progressive union. today sent an invi-
tation to President Roosevelt to visit
New Orleans next October in the event
of his attending a deep waterways
convention in Memphis at that time.
The belief prevails here that the con-
vention will be held at Memphis and
that if so the president probably will
attend.
President Roosevelt has been sug-
gested as director general of the inter-
national exposition to be held in 1915,
to celebrate the opening of the Pan
anna canal and Mr.. Godchaux asked
that he take advantage of the oppor-
and express his views on the under
taking