The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-03-25
American Wit
RetOrt
Examples from De-
bates on the Stump
or in Congress.

was: a damn sight more than ever
went back"
Lemuel Eli Quigg and James Hamil-
ton Lewis, two of the most picturesque
men ever in congress, were having a
heated debate on the trust question.
Mr.. Quigg, who was from New York,
was openly defending the trusts. At
the close Of one of his fiery periods j.
Ham. interjected with fine intonation;
For the OK knOweth his owner and the
ass his masters crib
Senator Ingalls, was always quick in
retort, although he was himself a sub
ject of some sharp shafts. Once he
was attacked by Senator Eli salisbury
of Delaware, the second smallest state
in the Union. He disposed of the whole
matter by saying: L thank the SEN
ator from that great state which has
three counties at low tide and two
counties at high tide for his advice
From the Georgia legislature of he
days before the war comes a story 10
the effect of parliamentary procedure.
James Hamilton Cooper was speaking
and made d remarkable statement Of
fact. A modest legislator exclaimed
half under his breath: ''Whew, what a
laundering lie" Cooper suspended mis-
speech, having overheard the remark,
and challenged the offender TO a Luel.
a GOUEN VI uollOE y as stIGclitatus NitlCil
resulted "a Cooper giving permission to
the Iuckless wight to modify mis- re-
mark. The correction was made i'll
this manner Mr.. Speaker, in an in
adveTtent moment / referred to 4 re-
mark made by the honorable gentle
man as "a laundering lie 1 desire TO
withdraw that statement and in lieu
thereof viii say 1t is a Illuminating
enlargement of elongated vcracity. -
Thus sugaT-coated the speech gave no
occasion for duel
During the free silver campaign in
1896 the Republican party employed a
number of mOnolOgue actors To go
through Kansas entertaining audiences
by mixed programs of jokes and
speeches on the monetary question. In
one little town d monOlogue man was
emphasizing the fact that in order to
be good money any currency must con-
tain its face value in precious metal,
when an aged POpulist with long whis
kers arose in the audience and, holding
up Il dollar bill in his hand, said: DO
you mean to tell me, sir that the stamp
of the great American government on
this piece of paper does not make it
worth one dollar?" The actor went
back at him instantly: DO you think,
nay friend, if you printed the word hay
on your WhiskeTs that your COWS would
eat emf"
The late Thomas 2. Reed vas a mas
ter of all degrees of retOrt. Once when
Jerry Simpson, the sOckless POpulist
from Kansas. made a speech claiming
that the house had by some action vio-
lated the constitution, the speaker
Cverruled him and was upheld by the
house. Mr.. Simpson then arose and
solenlnly inquired OF the chair; Where
am l >" Mr.. Reed scathingly retOrt-
ed; NO mortal man could possibly di-
vine the answer to such a battling
question"
One of the best retorts in history oc-
Cured when Parson BTownlow was
war governor of Tennessee. On one of
his journeys he attended service at a
small Methodist church in the upper
part of the state. The parsOn vas a
devout Methodist and seldom allowed
his political rancor to interfere win
the charity of his religious faith. On
this occasion, being a visiting clergy
man. he was placed in the Amen cor
ner" near the pulpit. The local min
lister was as ardently Democratic in
his views as Gov ernor BroWnlOw was
Republican In the prayer which fol-
lowed the lengthy sermon the minister
began to call ON the Lord for grace for
his favorites. God bless Felix Grun-
dy," he began. PaTsOn Brownlow
moved uneasily in his seat, but re-
sponded with a conscientious amen"
God bless Robert F. Lee" continued
! the preacher. A fainter Amen from
ParsOn BrOwnlOw. God bless the
whole Democratic party" cried the
| preacher, waxing in fervor as he pro-
I SresSed. This was too much for tha
governor. With d bound he was on his
feet. shouting:
God Forbid 1t would bankrupt di-
vine grace and exhaust the whole plan
: of salvatiOnp'