The Washington herald., 1907-11-17
Maria'S Midnight Lectures,
LECTURE NO. IA.

ST. up there-get on my clean counter
pene-and tell me that you spent all
the hours since dinner time trying 10
select your winters stock OF coal2
likely story; and you promised me you
were coming home early, Job. Laws.
bat II We women only had as little
regard for the truth az you men. l
don't know what the world'ud come
10. You go right into the bathroom,
Job, and set clean, and don't make
too much noise. either Little Haley's
only just got 10 sleep. poor child.
gave him and little Emily a dish OF
prunes for supper, and little Haley
went and swallowed all the stones.
When took him up to undress him, he
just ratified
declare to goodness. Job. you DO
exasperate a body so: not that it does
any good. You men stick together so
for your own protection. see by the
papers that a New York judge has de-
cided that it's unlawful for wife 70
throw dishes at her husband: not that
IT would do any good. You always
were quick al lodging. and 1 can't
throw straight, anyway. And here's
President Eliot. Of Harvard, declaring
that woman's place is alongside the
eradle-just as IL I hadn't nursed little
Haley night and day and brought him
up on the bottle. and darned your
socks. and kept the house for you all al
the same time. II some men had their
way, we poor women wouldn't have
any fun IN the world AT all. I see that
a famous doctor says now that II
women want 10 be beautiful, they
should always go without hats. Isn't
that just Ike a man? III bet that
that man just said il because he's too
stingy 10 buy his wife a new bonnet
for Christmas AT any rate. it's rather
curious that he should come out with
saying Ike that Just when there's all
this talk about a panic and scared
money. and taking In God we trust
on the gold coins. That's where the
papers are so valuable. Job. We might
have gone along for a long, long time
without ever having known that them
words weren't On the coins: leastways.
we'd never get any Of the coins 20 see
for ourselves. I tell you. Job. it's aw-
ful for a woman Ike me. with refined
tastes. 20 have a shiftless husband
No, Job. l Go not know where your
pink paJamas are, Miss Halsey was IN
here this morning and saw EN-. and
wondered what they were I was awful
ashamed 10 have to tell her that had
a husband who wore things ike that
She thought they looked right pretty.
and lowed she'd make some for Mort
Tor his Christmas present. Maybe she
took EN- home 10 cut out the pattern
by
Now that you're comfortable. Job.
maybe you'll begin to tell me some
thing about the news that's in the
newspapers. You don't know how
appreciate your bright and brilliant
idea on things. do 50 love 70 hear
you talk Isn't e terrible TO think OF
eggs going up In New York 20 50 cents
a dozen? I wonder why that Is: surely
the hens aren't affected by the hard
times. ! see that ex-senator Carmack
accuses President Roosevelt Of being
the greatest fakir on earth and another
man says that all the hard times are
due 10 Mr.. RoOsevelTs speeches. but I
can't see how even his worst speeches
can affect the poultry. can you? And
right on top Of eggs going up 20 20 cents
I see that they say that $500 dozen
eggs have been released from the Chi
cago cold storage places. I wonder
what they were keeping them for.
hope they haven't been saving them up
because the theatrical business has been
so bad
Don't you think II funny. job. that
the Central American States people
should come here 10 Washington lust
10 have Mr.. Root tell them that they
must behave and quit lighting among
themselves? I do hope they wiu: Il Just
makes my head dizzy trying 10 keep
track Of all those revolutions down
there. But revolutionizing seems 20 be
their national game down there Just
like bull lighting Is in Spain. and I
thought Mr. Root vas too good a
sportsman TO interfere with anybody's
games
Il am so glad that Mr.. Bryan came
out this week and announced that he
was going 10 be a candidate for Presi-
dent again. I was beginning TO get
afraid that he'd get out OF the habit
Of running. Those Republican victories
in Nebraska only made him more sot.
l reckon. and as the returns came in
he went to work and wrote a procla-
nation for his fine newspaper, the Com
moner. and now It's all settled-that IS.
if they can get Col Henry Watterson 10
consent. I think there's some political
deal on by which Mr. Bryan's 10 run
for President and Col Watterson's to
be United States Senator for Kentucky.
That is. providing they don't pass q
prohibition law for the District. II
they did that no Kentucky gentleman
could afford TO come TO Washington.
Have you been reading about that
Hartje case? Seems 10 me as II that
was never goIng 20 end I can't under
stand il any more than a Chinese puz-
zle. Every few days IL seems as IL
some one FORCES some more letters and
there's mysterious coachman in II
and millions of dollars and-where the
wife is no one quite knows. I think
they'd better go back and start all
over again, don't you? Do you think
that the government is going 10 allow
the jamestown Exposition to run next
year? haven't heard that they've paid
back all the money they borrowed from
the government yet-it's our money. too.
until it is sll paid back Maybe the
show'n really be ready to open next
year.
JOB. Say. Job, are you paying atten-
ton? wish you'd rouse Up a little bit
and tell me something about this tran
sit of Mercury that the papers are so