West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1907-06-13
Re and the Governor Preparing Series
OF Articles on Happiness
ONLY RECOGNIZED AUTHORITIES
Graphically POrtrays the Governor'a ova-
tion in Grafton on Decoration
Day-our Tax Laws.
Special Correspondence Of The Argus.

''''"'NS dpplnSSS. Like
all philosophers who reach their con
c'usions by theorizing. they are wild
ly shy OF the mark.
No one who has not handled the
fodder IN the shock is capable Of
discussing this question in practi-
cal manner so it can be understood
and appreciated. AS the governor
and myself served full apprentice.
ship asserting the nubbins from the
real corn dodger ears, we are &C
cepted as authority on any subject.
Hence the governor and myself, who
have become world-wid famous on
account OF our tax laws, and whose
names are household words wher
ever the human tongue has been
tuned to articulate, have been asked
by many of the magazine publishers
to contribute to thei columns. We
have now under preparation a series
of articles which we will shortly
give to the world for the first time
They will fully explain in the most
picturesque and ford language to
the entire satisfaction OF every liv.
Ing being except, however, anti pie.
men, what constitutes real happi-
ness.
As the people back in Preston
may no; see the letters as they APP
pear In the magazines at so much
per word, do not mind taking them
into my confidence and telling them
that the thing that brings the only
real and genuine happiness to every
human heart is our tax laws! They
are the only tax laws that have ever
come from the brain of saint or sim
ner that raises the assessment and at
the same time lowers the taxes! Sol
ONION with all his wisdom was a
mere tyro in promulgatIng tax laws
tor his piemen when compared to
the governor and myself. No one
can ever hope to hold the vase con-
tanning the altar of roses Of happi.
ness until they have faith in our
tax laws.
While the Deficit is still holding
on to our tax laws with the same
tenacity which we piemen display in
holding on to our pies, we still have
faint hope that Drs. Laughln and
Ogden will be able to cure them. SO
tar, however. they give no sign that
the prayers of the faithful back in
Preston have been answered. The
governor remarked to me the other
day, while I was administering the
soothing syrup and paregoric, that
he was fearful that the faithful back
at home were thinking more Of
worldly pleasures than our tax laws
One Of the consoling thoughts
which comes floating back from
Preston is that the Old Family Jour-
nal mas lost none of is ruralistc
progressiveness and that its meal
ticket permits it to partake of three
square meals each day at the pie
counter, with little hominy trim
minss on the dishes, which adde to
the arlisticness.
Our political machine, which has
always been the JOY and pride of the
piemen, is minus few spokes. 1t
has been in several head-on collisions
lately with anti.piemen. While we
succeeded in holding the right of
way, we all feel from the jolting we
got that we had been in collision.
The saddest part to relate, however,
is the loss Of Pieman Dillon. He
wa captured by the enemy and
taken a captive back to old Fayette,
where George Mcintosh has been
bush"hacklDg us for eycral moons.
/ The governor has cancelled Charley's
commission and be is no longer rec
| og1ized as pIcman bIl as an enc
my il was not necessary to issue
a draft TO fll his place. We had
more applications than we could
consider Brother Allie White
walked all The way from Parkers-
burg to oferhis service to the cause
The governor Immediately assigned
bim to the head of the tax reform
procession. Two days later Brother
Presley Morris telcph9ned bis re-.
gre's stating that having been a
constant attendant at campmrcuogs
go bis youthful days bis loconotion
was slightly impaired anil DO would
have been useless TO enter ,1e foot
race with Brother White.
The governor has returned from
Grafton where he was The Isnn
21.shcd memorial orator ard spell.
binder for Decoration D.y Tie
vas more than delighted with his
outing as it gave htm tbc ,ppouu.
nifty TO spread The gospel nong
faithful BE states ,baf p... e..