New-York tribune., 1907-12-08

cult which I shall presently explain This Is 'iie
cult OF Mileage
You can buy little pasteboard book IN WHICH .
furIed a yard or so of 1imsy paper marked OIL pS
lines each tiuv section representing mile ol
Transportation on the Central and l's tll"u'ai'
roads This like a simple. eNeiS"a
rangement but in Utica. n. Y. II ism sIiip'e
not a bit AS 1 said, It is the subject OF d o"I
and the basis Of a sort of sporadic arls'oel"0''
These nastehoard covers inclosing the yard oi So
of fimsv paper are precisely the same po
patent of nobility. Originally. the coihOiil-ol- -
called "a mileage book; but ny pi :.
ng,,istic attriton the dialect of Utica oescrloes
as "a Mileage - ,o,car
Now IL vou nossess q Mileage you are no io''eei
2 common person, one of the plebecula' - -
films A halo of distinction summers hio" .t.
head You exhale the odor OF a SFeCiai s
Trainmeu who before have grunted at you NV
lout low. All doors are open 10 you
will sion trains for you at stations "heIe 'io
stoppage is permitted to the common oI e
variety of traveller. Nice customs eU'' ~
great kings" said Henry V In tuCa anu
vicinity they curtsey to the person VINO o""' q
Mileage. ,,.,oo
And Won do not even have to show YOUR Mileage
Inst look at the varlet whom you would conliiidIu
and saw ..Mileage!' 1t is quite enough he
brought to heel at once. and bows opsequioNi'
I have often wondered why unscrupuious men "'1o
Inc bo,-a No Mileage do not use the magic word
ard ttus unlawfully secure its benefits But nave
evolved theory that only the actual possess'
of a Mileage can bestow the true patriclan All
which stamps the caste of We're de we're IN olca.
n Y If you tried TO act as though you hau
n Mileage when you hadn't one. something in your
manner would betray you. Such Is the psychoiosS
of the Mileage. / once heard two natives or Cuca
arguing earnestly over some controVerteo topic.
One of them finally exclaimed:
.rI bet YOU Mileage that I'm right!
Rrt the other eyeing him with elaborate disdain
replied:
Huh. You look as though yo~ had Mileage
don't you.'
So YOU see Mileage is like amulet or the
Hapsburg lip. If you have it, why then you nave
il: but IL you haven't l. pretence will not avail
The lowliest trainman will throw yoC off the back
platform withcct turning hair
1t is worth noting, in order TO give scientifically
complete account Of this very interesting matter
that there is a Greater and also Lesser Mileage
The former costs $40 and will entitle you to d
thousand miles of danger, while the Lesser Mileage
costs hut SO and Will permit you TO risk your life
for only five hundred miles. These two Meages
represent as Il were, two different grades or
titles in Central's peerage. corresponding, let
us say. respectively. a marquisate and an earl
dom. / wish that there were even loftier Mleages;
for then | should save up my money and buy a
Mileage of fifty thousand miles 1t would make me
at the very least Duke Of Utica; while Mile
age of a hundred thousand miles would be equiva
lent to a strain Of the blood royal.
And there is still another cult-a very different
one-which tlrives in Utica, y. Y, and, indeed
along the whole line of the Central 1t is not
aristocratic in its MATURE, but gastronomic; and
am delighted to publish here the results OF my in
vestigations-
The object of this cult what called the fried
cake. In writing down the word, be sure to
hyphenate it; and, in pronouncng It, remember
that it is an irrational spondee, 20 De uttered with