The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1907-03-14

MORE OR LESS HUMOROUS.

MORE oRLEss HUMOROUS.
Why She Mas Mad.
Foreign relations" said Senator Cul-.
lum, ex-chairman OF the senate commit
tee IN foreign relations. ARE delicate
things, and nus be handled delicately.
Foreign relations, In fact, remind me Of
newly-married couple i heard shout the
other day. Their life had been very hap
Ply for a year. Not q cloud q marred
their perfect felicity. Then, one morning.
the wife came down to breakfast morose
and wretched. She was snappish with her
husband. She would hardly speak to him.
land for a long while she refused to exc
plain her unwonted conduct. Finally.
though, the young man insisting hat he
be told why his wife was treating him SO,
badly. h looked up with tears in her eyes
and said:
qs.. John Smith. II 1 dream again that you
have kissed another woman. / won't speak
to you again as long as ! live
When It's Wicked.
Surgeon-General, r. NJ. o'Reilly was
talking about the abolition of the army
canteen, In consequence OF which, he
holds, -tntemperance has increased among
soldiers.
THE canteen," he said. was only
4 AA1A = WASA3 > was OdAiy GU
You know the dancing story?
"A young man OF sober views said to .
pretty girl:
do you think dancing is wicked?'
Yes said she; If one dances as badly
as You do"
Tho Grave Digger.
DR.. John S. Buist. the famous southern
surgeon. said in one Of his surgical lee
lures at the state college:
( 1T Is always in rather bad taste for q.
hss!c.azs=t to boast es being busy Faayss-
clans, undertakers and grave diggers only
cause discomfort when they allude to
good times and prosperity.
There was an old man applied to the
minister Of the little village of Paint Rock
Efor the post of grave digger. His refer
i ences were good, and the minister agreed
to assign him to the churchyard. He was
to be paid so much a grave.
The grave digger haggled over the
price, finally accepting 1t.
But will I get steady work." he de-
manded
" Steady work. said the minister.
Land sake! man, with steady work you'd
bury all Paint Rock in q week
-
He Could Do Better.
Upton Sinclair, the noted novelist, N an
address at a vegetarian banquet, attacked
the trusts.
THE trusts effrontcry is amazing" he
said. They commit a sin with as virtu-
GUS an air as you or I would do a piece Of
charity. And there is no getting around
them, no heading them off. They are like
old Eliphalet Hoskins.
"Eliphalet Hoskins was one of the old
residenters of the Head of sassafras, a
small Maryland village. He was lighting
cred. He lifted eggs, bars Of soap, potatoes,
chickens-anything hat came in his way.
The Head of Sassafras people knew his
failing WE'LL, but or account of his great
age, they had pity on him. He was never
| punished.
"It happened that one night a load Of
dried fish arrived at the wharf too late for
the keeper of the general store to remove
it. There was nothing to do but cover 1t
with a t%arpaulin and leave it out all night.
In this there was no risk though. The
Head of Sassafras people were an honest
lot.
They're an honest lot here muttered
Iythe store-keeper, as he drew a %tarpaulin
over his dried fish, and just then he heard
| cautious footsteps. He looked up, and
there was old Eliphalct Hoskins cycling the
mound Of fish gloatingly.
The storekeeper gave a grunt of yeSa-
ton. Then he selected a couple of fish
and extended them to the old man.
"Eliphalet,' he said, I've got to leave
this pile Of fish out here over night. Now,
If l give you these two fine fellers. will
you promise not to steal none of the 9th
ers?'
"Eliphalet looked at the two fish in the
storekeeper's hand Then he looked AT
the mountain of them underneath the tar.
,paulin.
That's a fair offer, Mr.. Smith, he sale
slowly, 'but-well-1 dunno-I think I car
do better"