Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1907-10-03

smoking. That wants a pretty stron,
Will. She-Well, I've got one.-Punch
Daughter-She seems to have go
over the death Of her first husband
Father-Yes, but her second husband
hasn't.-Pick- -Me-Up.
Mrs Smalltown-Would you accept 6
place In the suburbs? Cook-Ill con
slider 1t If yez have room in your garage
for me motor.-Town Topics
What did you think Of that girl al
her coming-out party" "Well, to be
perfectly frank, l thought she'd better
go back !'-Leslie's Weekly.
Mother-But what do you expect to
do later, my son, If you never learn to
write? Son-Oh, that will be all right.
III buy Observation-Disclosures.
May call you MabelY he asked
, at their second meeting, pretending to
| be badly smitten. "If you wish to; but
my name Is Gertrude e"-Chicago Rec
rd-Herald.
Candidate for Crew-Could you tell
me where the rhetoric class Is being
held? Candidate for Football don't
know; I'm a student here myself
Flown Topics.
Employer-This makes the fourth
grandmother of yours that has died
this spring. Office Boy know 1T;
amt these family troubles fierce -
Cornell Widow.
Snooks-To what do you attribute
your success as tradesman? Sellem
If a customer doesn't see what he
wants, l make him want what he sees.
ILLUSTRATED Bits.
whats become of your umbrella"
Il loaned 1t to Tompklns." why
doesn't he return it?" "The owner
caught him with it and demanded it"
Milwaukee Sentinel.
Father, do all angels have wings"
mo, my son, your mother has nome"
And then she said, sweetly, that he
might 20 to the club If he wouldn't stay
late Atlanta Constitution.
Teacher-How long had Washington
been dead when Roosevelt was inaugu-
rated? Scholar dunno. but 1t hasn't
been very dead since Teddy has been
there e!-Lippincott's Magazine.
do you think cabbage Is unwhole-
some?' asked the dyspeptic. 1T de-
pends somewhat" answered the food
expert, "on whether you eat 1t or try
to smoke Washington Star.
Mrs Rogers Is a perfect slave to
her husband" What does she dog
Would you believe it? Every year, on
his birthday, she gets up in time to eat
breakfast with him."-Leslie's Weekly.
Teacher-You have named all domes-
tic animals save one. 1t has bristly |
hair, it is grimy, likes dirt. and is fond
of mud. Well. Tom? Tom (shame-
facedly )-Thats me.-Chicago Trib-
une.
Mabel (aged six)-Ain't you afraid
Of our big dog? The Parson very thin)
No. my dear He would not make
much Of a meal off me. Mabel-Oh.
out he likes bones best.-Chicago Daily
News
"A tramp fell into the water tank of
locomotive and rode twenty-seven
niles without being discovered 'Was
le unconscious when found" NO.
Jnrecognizable." ."-Clevelan la
Dealer
Dolly-Molly Wolcott told me
month ago that her new gown was
,oing to be a dream. Polly-Well. that
s all II is, so far. Her husband won't
i've her the money for it.-Somerville
Journal.
"And do you have to be called In
he morning?" asked the lady who was
bout to engage a new girl. Il don't
as to be, num-" replied the applicant,
unless you happens to need me-
.onkers Statesman.
"Your sentence Is to be suspended"
egan the mercful court. Great
colt, Jedge." exclaimed the prisoner.
ef I'd knowed chicken stealing was a
angling offense | wouldn't have stole"
philadelphia Ledger.
(Which do you prefer" said the ar
site young woman, music or poetry"
Poetry" answered Miss Cayenne. You
IN keep poetry shut up in book.
on don't have to listen to 1t unless
1u choose. e."-Washington Star.
Excuse me, sir" remarked the
cary wayfarer, but l don't know
here my next meal Is coming from"
Neither do l." replied the prosperous
okiug Individual. "My cook left this
ornlng, o."-Philadelphia Record.
"Oh, madam" said the French maid.
Tido weel not eat re bon-bons." THE
ar, intelligent little doggie!" exclaim-
Mrs Rich. There must be some
ing wrong with those bonbons. Cloe.
i've them to the children."-New York