The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1907-08-25
labor, TRADE
AND CAPITAL"
BY o. HENRY,
CopyroAi. 1907, bp Joseph q. BOtoies

FOFTef OF rTONcll[d1Ob -IUrJhOT ALI ~
Peters was explaining to me the three
kinds Of graft. '''
Every winter Jen comes 70 New York
H. eat spaghetti, 20 watch the shipping In
Cast River from the depths OF his chinchilla
uvercoat, and TO lay In a supply OF Chicago
,nade clothing at one OF the Fulton street
stores. During the other three seasons he
nay be found further West-his range 10
from Spokane 20 Tampa.
La bis profession he takes a pride which
ne supports and defends with a serious
,nd unique philosophy Of ethics. His pro-
.ession ia no new one. He IL an incorpo-
,alsd. unoapitalized, unlimited asylum for
he reception OF the restless and unwise
dollars oS his fellow. men.
In the wilderness Of stone in which Jen
leaks his annual lonely holiday he is glad
10 palaver ~ his many adventures. as a boy
vil whistle after shutdown in a wood.
Wherefore. I mark on my calendar the time
II his coming and open a question Of privi-
'egs at Provenzano's concerning the little
vine stained table in the corner between
the rakish rubber plant and the framed
pslazzio della something on the wall.
There nre two kinds Of gratis" said
JEFF. that ought to he wiped out by law.
mean Wall Street speculation and bur-
glary."
Nearly everybody will agree with you
as to one 81 them, said l with a laugh.
well, burglary ought to- he wiped ont.
too said JEFF, and | wondered whether
the laugh had been redundant.
About three months ago" said Jef.
'It was my privilege 10 become familiar
With a sample of each Of the aforesaid
branches of illegitimate art. I was sine
qua grata with n member of the House.
breakers Union and one Of the y d.
Nspoleons Of finance AZ the same time"
Interesting combination" -, said ! with
a yawn. Did ] tell you I bagged a duck
and a ground squirrel at one shot last week
over in the Ramspos?" 7 know we'll how
10 draw Jef's stories. .
Let me tell You first about these barnacles
that clog the wheels OF society by poisoning
the springs Of rectitude with their upaslike
eye said Jeff. with the pure CLEAN of the
muckraker in his own.
-AsI said. three months ago ] got into bad
company. There are two times in a mans
life when he does this-wheu he's dead broke
and when he's rich.
.Now and then the most legitimate bust
ness runs out Of luck. II was out in Arkan-
sas made the wrong turn at a crossroad,
anu I've lIlO WIS W W ia ny
mistake.
1T seems ! had already assaulted the dis
figured Peavine the spring Of the year be-
fore. I bad sold 5000 worth of young fruit
trees there-plums. cherries. peaches and
pears. The Peaviners we've keeping an eye
on the country road and hoping I might pass
that way again.
Il drove down Main street as far as the
Crystal Palace drug store before I realized
I had compiitted ambush upon myself and
my white horse Bill.
.The Peaviners took me by surprise and
Bill by the brtdle and began a conversation
that wasn't entirely disassociated with the
subject OF fruit trees. A COMMITTEES Of 'em
ran aonie trace chains throug h the armholes
If nv vest and escorted me through their
gardens and orchards.
"Their frfit trees hadn't lived up 70 their
labels. Most Of 'em had turned out to be
perstmmons and ~dogwoods. with a grove or
two OF hlackiacks and poplars. The only
one that showed any signs OF bearing any
thin was a fine Young cottonwood that had
put forth a hornei's nest and half an old cor-
set cover.
sThe Peaviners protracted our ~fruitless
stroll TO the edge Of town. They took my
watch and money on account, and they kept
Bill and the wagon as a gees. They said
the first time one of them dogwood trees put
forth An Amsden's June peach | might come
back and get nv things, Then they took
OF the trace chain and jerked their thumbs
in the direction of the Rocky Mountains and
I struck a Lewis and Clark lope for the
swollen rivers and impenetrable forests.
when 7 regained conscientiousness 7
found myself walking into an unidentified
town on The A.. 7. 4 s. F Railroad. The
peaviners hadn't left anything in my pock-
cts except n plug Of chewing they wasn't
aftermy NTa-and that ~ we'd il. ! bits OF
q chunk and ats down on a pile Of ties by
the track 20, recogitate my sensations OF
thought and perspicacity.
And then along comes n fast freigh
which slows up a little Mt the town; and of
81 IL drops a black bundle that rolls for
twenty 'yrrds in n cloud Of dust and then
gets up and begins 10 spit soft coal and in
terjections, ! see H. is a your man. broad
across the face. dressed NOR. for Pullmans
than freights. and with a cheerful kind Of
smile in spite Of il all that made Phoebe
Shows job look like a chimney sweeps.
Fall off, says I.
'Nunk.' SAYS he. Got of. Arrived az
my destination. What town is this?'
HAVEN iOOKen " up on me map yet,
says !. I got in about five minutes before
you did. How does it strike your
Hard. says he. twisting one Of his
arms around. L believe that shoulder no.
It's all right
re stoops over 10 brush the dust on his
Clothes. when ou; II his pocket drops a
fine. nine-inch burglars steel jimmy. He
picks 1t up and looks at me sharp and then
prins and holds out his hand
Brother says he, greetings Didn't
7 see you In southern Missouri last summer
selling colored sand AZ half a dollar n tea
spoonful TO put into lamps 20 keep the oil
from exploding?
OIL says ]. never eSplodes. It's the
gas that forms that explodes' But ! shakes
hands with him, anyway.
My names Bill Bassett, says he TO me,
and If you call it professional pride, in
stead OF %conceit. III inform you that you
have the pleasure Of meeting the best bur
gIar that ever SET a QumRhOa on ground