Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-05-04
FOOLED THEM ALL

One of the limited trains was all OF hall
an hour late in leaving Washington for Its
warm weatherward run to the south one
night last week. and some of the second
splitters in the lowers had begun to make
remarks about people who wouldn't keep
their cows at home. before there was any
getaway racket from the choo-choo. But
It's a wonder the train left at all. There
was great man at the station that night
and the train was held for him. though he
didn't take 1t after all This was the way
Of 1t:
On that particular evening a local news
paper man who hasn't travelled much since
the I. c. c. got the legislative hypodermic
went down to the station to meet his home.
bound spouse who'd been doing some family
visiting up near Smokeville. Her train was
due at 8:19. but his watch was dizzy. and he
landed at the main gate an easy half hour
ahead Of time.
Leave me hurdle the barrier" he sug.
gested mildly to the blue back OF the fat
gateman. my wife is coming home. and
want to walt by the parallels and give her
the grand clutch as soon as she alights
from Mrs. Pullmans little wagon"
Nope" replied the fat gateman without
turning around. Its against the rules"
But" suggested the newspaper man not
50 mildly. I've got notion I'm going out
there and"
But he didn't have time to finish. for the
gateman fixed his face for a real crushing
look and swung around. A second later
that gateman's best friends wouldn't have
known him. He got red in the face. then
white, then red again, lifted his lid bowed
smoked. remarking. with sickly grin.
You win have your little joke. SIR"
The newspaper man drifted through In a
hazy dream effect. and began walking up
and down the platform, wondering whether
he wouldn't better go back and hand the
fat Eateman one on the nose for his real
fresh and funny actions. But lie noticed
that the gateman had called some more
uniforms to his side and that the bunch had
their heads together, thinking in whispers
and looking in his direction
The newspaper man began to get worried
He looked himself over. discovered that he
was wearing his shoes. that he hadn't
gotten his shirt. and that there were no
signs hanging around his person. And he
had just about decided to register dag
nosis of congenital lunacy against the
crowd when one of the uniforms wobbled
toward him. The man inside of 1t was
nervous. or else he was giving grand imi-
tation of stage fright. He removed his hat
when seven feet away, fiddled with 1t I'M
easily. and bent in the middle:
rs there anything l can do for your ne
inquired.
The newspaper man, pretty we'll con-
WINGED that somebody was trying to get gay
with him. scowled ferociously. Not
thing he replied. grauchily, whereupon
the official said Thank you. sir" and went
away looking as happy as Boston broker
About a minute later portly person In
uniform steamed up. nodded respectfully
and touched his hat.
Number 6 is pretty nearly on time, sir. y
he remarked.
Telephone that up to The STAR" said the
newspaper man shortly. It's worth an
extra edition any day..
And at that particular moment he began
to feel light In the head. For the erect OIL
that little pleasantly on the station master
was something fearful to behold. He curled
up and laughed and uncurled and laughed
some more. He cut up for all the worlo
like Rollo the trusty st. Bernard after
dog biscuit and two pats on the head. And
after he was all through laughing. he went
trotting round the station telling that re-
mark to all the uniforms in sight, and the
train shed was certainly real hilarious
place for awhile.
But about FIVE minutes later the uni
formed person steamed back, looking pes
tered In the head and did another loW!y ap-
proach.
.Beg pardon, SIR" he said, but when
saw you come In wired down, and there's
drawing room on six being saved fol
S.'That's mighty thoughtful" replied the
newspaper man. and the person did another
departure, putting dS COultAlSoiy % q IAe.A-
tese cat.
Then No. 6 steamed in. and for the next
twenty or twenty-five minutes the news
paper man got dippier every second. Every
attache of the station had their lamps glued
on him all the time. and he began to feel
as prominent as J. Diggum Rockefeller and
John Alexander Dowie rolled into one. But
the air was full of tension. Seventeen peo-
pie in uniform stood around looking as If
they'd like to suggest something II they
dared and finally one Of them drifted up
looking trembly about the chin and gave
preliminary cough:
BEG pardon sir; excuse me for men,
tioning it, and I'm sorry to disturb YOU" he
said at length. but We've held No.
twenty minutes for you. and If you could
come now sir, we
81 guess I won't go tonight" said the
newspaper man.. suppressing. with diff
Guilty a wild desire to hit some one with a
baggage truck, and the man in uniform,
after opening and closing his mouth half a
dozen times in the manner of dying shad.
managed to pull the getaway signal, and
the limited pulled out. Then the newspaper
man met his wife and went home. studying
the initials in his card case and wondering
il he'd better see doctor in the morning.
And ever since he's been wondering and
Fostering and trying to figure out whether
everybody at the station was crazy that
night. or whether he has been developing
a taste for lemons. And How Old Is Ann
looks easy to him in comparison.