The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1907-08-09
q WCND DE- -UE.
BED
ny JAMES r. IPARsoN.

|
derful invention Of the twentieth cen
/ fury The children cry for il, ladies'
sieh for IT, McGilder's patent bei,
which can be used as a bed, chair
OF sofa--all Tor the small price of
three dollars! Now then, ladies AID
seatlemen, step right up and take
your pick. | will do the bed up for
YOU in a compact parcel, which may
be carried by a child without the
/ slightest fatigue or annoyance Who'll
have a bed for only three dollars
! Why, anybody can start a boarding
! house with three of McGilder's patent
beds, for, recollect, they combine the
usefulness of three separate articles
Of furniture-a bed, chair, and a
sofa"
The above was part Of a harrangue
addressed by a dapper, rednecktled
young fellow, who stood upon a gaudl-
~ painted cart, to a mob of about
zoo idiots, Of whom | was chief, for
viii it be believed %, like a derned
fool, actually bought a bed
That morning my wife had told me
visit us, and that. owing TO the micro
scopic dimensions Of our fat, she
didn't know where Aunt HesNah could
sleep.
so | bought the bed amid the
plaudits Of the crowd, and the strong
~ expressed wish from a red-shirted
laborer that | should lie down and
sleep on it then and there, in order
to show the spectators how the old
snap worked.
The dealer proceeded 10 do IL up.
He made a very small parcel con
sidering it was a bed.
Put it in yer pocket" advised a
dirty-faced laborer, with a shovel, and
| and my bed walked off amid gen
eral smile, audiby expressed.
Where yer goin'?" asked the con-
ductor Come now, young Teller, get
off with that ere piano-boX. Dyer
think this is a baggage train? Yer
can't ride in this car"
In vain | pleaded.
Ee wouldn't have it.
Disguised, l waited for the next,
and endeavored to make the bed look
IS email as possible.
The car stopped, so | got in.
OF course it started before | was
seated so over | fell, knocked off
Eoman's bonnet, doubling up a fat
man, and almost annihilating small
boy with my bed.
As for the bed, there was a sound Of
rumbling in it's complicated machin-
cry, and with a snap it flew open, dis
closing a chair.
How in the world was l going to
get it into bed again?
Some of the passengers laughed,
while the fat man grew sarcastic.
HIM" growed he; wonder what
people will carry in cars next! | sup
rose | can expect TO get into one
some day and find a piano or NOW
ing machine. Some people haven't
any sense"
At last, though, / reached my house
and got in, only breaking the gate
with my bed as | did so.
My wife opened the door.
Where in the name of goodness did
YOU buy that horse block, and what
are you going to do with it," she
esked.
| Indignantly replied that it was
not a horse block.
1t was a chair
Also it could be made into a bed,
or sofa, at will.
potiopt on6 racaorcb I
found the directions for working the
bed concealed in a most undiscovera-
BILE spot, and turned the chair into
bed Then | turned the bed into a
sofa, and the sofa back again into
chair.
My wife was delighted.
| began to believe | had made
domestic hit, and expatiated upon my
great head in discovering and purchas-
ing such a marvel of mechanism and
general utility.
Aunt Hespah had arrived and she
Joined us in examining the bed.
Lord a mercy! what next ! won
Edward"
Edward did.
Aunt Hespah must lie down and
try it.
Just here came the catastrophe.
How it occurred | don't know, but the
fiendish bed got independent and
started to work itself into a chair
without orders.
But Aunt Hespah was in the way.
The result was she was caught like
a mouse, McGilder's beautiful inven-
ton clasping her as affectionately as
a young fellow would his sweetheart
Aunt Hespah gave yell loud
enough TO stop a clock and began
Keeling about the room, with McGild-
er's patent charging on her
Take it of! Take it Off" bawled
she; its a-squeczin me to death.
Lord a mercy, I'll die if somebody
don't take away this drafted ma
chine!"
| sprang TO her rescue.
But | could not get the bed off un-
aided.
The result was we had to lay Aunt
HpSpah IuOn the nOOr and ont tho