, 1907-02-04
ALL ON ACCOUNT
OF A Fish
Matrimonial Dialogue After One
Month of Married Life

This fish is bad, Ethel" l said, as
/ surveyed a piece of ancient-looking
plaice.
Ethel looked up from her plate with
a start. "Bad?" she said. II think
you must be mistaken, Jack"
Not much room for a mistake here
The fish doth protest too much"
You have had a bad day downtown"
retorted Ethel, "and in consequence
pered."
One doesn't need to be very critical
to discover q fact that is 80 obvious"
THE fish isn't bad, and you have
no right to say so. It's a reflection on
me-"
Nothing Of the sort. It's a refec-
ton on the fish dealer"
IT'S a reflection on my housekeep-
ing. And I got three prizes for do
nestle economy at school and l have
studied the subject deeply ever since
we were engaged. And here you are
finding fault after we have been mar
ried only a month" And Ethel burst
Into tears.
We'll, there is no need to make such
a fuss over a small matter"
Its not a small matter to be found
fault with by ones husband. And IL
thought you so different from other
mem"
Here followed another rainstorm.
And 1 thought you yer a deal pref
tier and had more common sense than
the average woman"
Ethel unconsciously put a rebelli-
GUS curl into position at this remark.
you married me simply because
you wanted a housekeeper. I can or.
der the fish, but l can't order the
ed to drench a lace handkerchief. /
could not help but notice, with a Ger.
tain amount of satisfaction, that she
was one of the very few ONE who
can cry without making their noses
red.
Don't behave like a spoiled child"
I said. do try and be reasonable"
THE law interferes when a man
beats his wife," continued Ethel, but
when he treats her with refined cru.
city she has no remedy" And the lace
handkerchief went into play again.
81 think l had better leave you tc
yourself for a short time" l said, land
then, perhaps, when l return you will
be clothed in your right mind. I will
look In at the club"
Ethel sat bolt upright at the men
ton of the odious word.
Club" she said, and her eyes
blazed. Yes, go to the club, stay at
the club, live at the club! And may
the club fall in upon all those heart
less husbands who have deserted their
heartbroken wives!"
"a nice, pious wish for a four weeks
old wife"
TITS a fate too good for such con-
duct"
IF during my Absence" 1 said you
find tine hang heavily on you hands.
you might read Much Ado About
Nothing"
Thanks for the advice" retorted
Ethel. Men are not the indispensable
creatures they appear to think. 1
shall have ne difficulty in occupying
my time. I. too, will look in at my
club
Ethel" 1 said, sternly, 81 was not
aware you belonged to a club"
That's quite likely" she replied in
an exasperating tone of voice. Bella
Eastwood belongs to the Doves and
! will look her up this evening. 1t will
be a good opportunity to have my
name put down for membership. 1t is
as we'll to have outside interests when
ones husband is merely a lodger."
At this remark / stalked out of the
room and closed the door with a deal
of energy.
On entering the club I met a fat,
selfish bachelor. l am now of the
opinion that all bachelors are selfish.
Looking rather hippy. Carlton" he
cried. Doesn't double harness suit
you? notice all you newly married
men stink back here after q few weeks
of matrimonial strife"
l refrained from kicking the ami.
mated barrel and passed into the bill
lard room. After missing a couple OF
easy caroms and nearly slicfng a piece
Of the cloth, l threw the whole bust.
ness up in disgust and returned home.
l wondered how Ethel was enjoying
herself at the club. / thought l would
Just look in her room to make sure
that she had gone. The door was open
and l entered. There was Ethel, and
as she caught sight OF me h imme-
diately pushed q book. which recog.
nized as a learned treatise on cookery.
under some cushions. Her eyes were
very red and l felt like q brute.
They keep very good hours 1t your
club" l said.