Evening star., 1907-10-26
JOBSON FINDS IT HOT


u son got upstairs to The living
floors from the basement-he'd d
come In the basement way for his din
ner-he stopped suddenly and blinked
at the latrobe isinglass, behind which
the Goals were glowing brightly.
Say" he called down to Mrs. Jobson,
who was experimenting the clearing
away of the dinner table. come up
here"
Mrs. Jobson Joined him at the top Of
the stairs Immediately.
What's all this?' inquired Mr.. Job
son. pointing an accusatory finger at
the latrobe.
What's all what? inquired Mrs. Job
son, naturally enough.
All right. I'll make 1t plain to you,"
cut in Mr.. Jobson. What in the name
CT Beelzebub have you got fire work.
ing In that 1atrobe for?'
Why" said Mrs. Jobson. because It's
chilly and we need IT."
Chilly. hey?" said Mr.. Jobson. And
We need 1t, do we? You can chop out
that we thing, too. If you please I'm
not to be coupled in the betting with
any fool proposition like that You
may think you need fire Just few
minutes after the dogdays have evapo-
e,
don't you forget it,
But" said Mrs. Jobson. didn't you
hotlce When you were out how raw and
chilly 1T is. and
No: madam. I didn't notice anything
like that, Mr.. Jobson broke in. And
l didn't notice Mars and Jupiter bat
ting In the evening sky for the feath-
er-we1ght championship of the uni
verse Neither did 1 notice the statue
OF Gen; Thomas trying to climb up on
I'm not one of your kind of noticers
that's the answer all right I haven't
got the noticing bug. I perceived, how
ever. that the atmosphere was almost
oppresslvely warm and balmy when
was on my way home from the office.
and I remember wondering what allied
Jack Frost that he hadn't kicked along
this way yet"
But said Mrs. Jobson. when I went
out to the grocery a little while before
YOU came in for dinner l felt positively
shivery, and my teeth chattered. and
my hands almost froze, and T.
oh. that's easy enough of solution.
madam, interrupted Mr.. Jobson. The
way you live and have your being you
wouldn't be able to keep warm if you
were swaddled in double blankets in a
mud hut right in the middle of the
equator. You see, you don't move
around enough to keep your blood
warm. You lead a life of torpor. like
years end to the other. Y0aTan't ex-
pect to keep warm If you spend all of
your waking hours in a rocking chair.
with your hands in your lap. and dub
hlns through the pages of endless
wishy-washy novels. When you moped
around to the grocery, of course you
found it raw and chilly, as You cali it
Your blood wasn't circulating. that's
all. But you can't expect me to run
my game according to the way you
a n
ing to be roasted and toasted--''
But" interposed Mrs. Jobson, '1ast
year and all the years before you seemed
so cold-blooded, and I thought Ia Just
make 1t cozy for you by having a little
fire in the latrobe on the first really chilly
evening, as this evening seemed to me to
be, and so I"
"Oh. go ahead and try to con me into
believing that you've fixed this choking
heat gag up here for me instead of for
your own benefit broke in Mr. Jobson
But you can't get away with it. I'm
telling you that. That's altogether too
diaphanous, that scheme of yours of try
ing to pass all of these fool breaks alone
to me and making me responsible for
them. And, say, there's another end to
this thing. The coal end What the
dickens is your idea in heaping up the
burden of expense on me by starting a
fool fire in this house, with summer only
about%two minutes around the corner?
stock market? getting tie money on the
ponies? engaging in porch-cl mbing as a
side line? working the shell game at the
office? or something like that? It's bad
enough to have to be slave and vassal
of the coal trust during the months of the
year when fire is really needed, without
having to lick the boots of the coal bar
ons from one end of the year to the
other. I'd like TO-
But" said Mrs. Jobson, Il thought I
IN
that you expected we'd be having cold
weather pretty early this year, and that
you wouldn't be surprised If we had to
have the latrobe going by the middle of
October, and that you hated to sit around
of an evening in a chilly house. and
that
Stop! Stop thatr' bawled Mr.. Jobson,
jumping up from his chair and beginning
to chase around the room. The WIN
dows are open! Don't keep on hol!ering
that kind of junk at the top of your
lungs. or the first thing you know the
neighbors will have the hurry wagon
backing up in front of here! You're en-
dangering yourself-the ambulance for
the nut colony is liable to whisk up here
and whisk you away at any minute You
thought | said all of that. hey? Well,
guess you've got to smoking those tea
cigarettes that I've been reading about,
hey? Is that ii?
"Oh well' said Mrs. Jobson, 'I only
thought I'd be pleasing you 10 have this
little fire going when you got home this
evening But, since you take 1t to heart
SO much. why. I'll not have any more
heat In the house till you say you want
1t, and them
And then, madam" cut In Mr. Jobson,
you'll be making the hit of your career
1t'll just be a knockout with me If you
wait till I give the word as to these
things. without blundering ahead and
doing everything wrong. There isn't a
chance on earth for you to make a mis-
take IL you wait till l. come through
with the word for you to start something
and It's pretty near time you found that
out I'll just appoint myself director of
heating around this dump. and you can
eliminate yourself altogether from that
picture. When 1 want artificial heat
around these works I'll say SO, Mrs Job
son, and not before. I trust you have
grasped these few lines. Now, lemme
alone. 1 want to read my paper in peace.
without all this jawing.'
Mrs. Jobson could only stand the raw
blasts percolating In from the open windows
for a little while Th IN she wrapped shawl
around her shoulders. Even the shawl
was of no use. however. as the wind con-
tinued to whizz through the rooms, and
Mrs. JobSon, her teeth chattering and her
lips blue. had to go to bed. Mr.. JobSOn,
having taken his stand that the place
was hotter Tophet and things, sat va
liantly back in his easy chair, the wind
from the open windows all but grabbing
the Stah-pape out of his hands. and his
features pinched with the cold. He stuck
it out for full hour. getting a most
barbarous cold in the head in his effort
30. J~Je rfv,6