Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1907-01-09
5 MILE EXTRAS
k What Is Most ImpOr-
q n y tant News In the Week
~ " by One Who Is in a
Situation to Know
(By Our Ne,o Reporter

The Wapella red injuns is all right
and no how to treat us pale face fellers
what got bid to there smoke up Tues.
night in the Journal theatre. We seen
the time of our life when the boxin
was rung in. 1t beets ridin on the
merry-go-round all day. We call it
hevenly cause the feller what gets hit
sees stars and other planets sometimes.
Curly and Strait hair got to mixin
things lively like with the gloves we
thot but we opened our mouth for more
air when Cary and Patton started pun
chin each other like they were KILN
beef for there market. Bayless is a
dabster with long reachers and can hit
noses evry time if they stand still bout
as well as sellin real estate and fancy
post cards but he got cycloned when
Chris Wagner over 90 years young star
ted swattin him in the bread basket
and other vitel points. We hope Chris
don't treat people that way what eat
his oyster soup. Last but slickest was
the science game tween Jack Egan the
amatur Bryn Mawr middleway holder
of the u. S. and Holly Bs bantam
champion Barker which was the silk
est ever. Ye reporter woudent meet
Jack even if we had base ball mask,
a nose gard and chest pretectot on or
suit of iron either. He hits when
your not lookin for 1T what means
stars and lots of em. There's only one
man whats big enuf to box Jack and
hes the undertaken.
The Wildwood band fellers held
forth in much music what was appre-
eiated cause most everybody quieted
down. Bayless also initiated ye re-
porter in two poems which aint hard
ly fare and we challenge him eny day
and eny time with bare fists at so yds.
to uphold all our reputation. The
B. X. A. X. quartz sung numerous
solos, which were harmonious as well
as harmless. They wet there throats
to sing with out of the same bottle Of
water the aera n,s.re dsss - ..~-ss~st-eS,1<
arms to sling with which we noticed
specially. We hope the injuns will
have another smoke and fight soon.
We herd that Holly B. is thinkin oi
votin some money to advertise the
resort and draw people here to leave
their chink what is good thing il
done proper. City papers charge
awful prices sometimes for ads but We
reporter knows how to get advertised
for nothin and lots of it which is
cheaper and amt labeled. We suggest
that some money be used to stablish
free lunch counter or peanut stand
and then give all the city paper re-
porters bid to come down and inter
view it with there faster. After they'd
got their fill they'd write the town up
right. Other ways to advertise the
place is to have the mayor or council
run for president of the U. s. or to have
a monkey house like n. Y. did or i'm
port carry Nation here to do the
hatchet act or to throw the bomb at
somebody's barn or get bill Lawson
here to hunt for muck rakers. Any
and all these way advertise for nothin.
Wildwood and Anglesea can use our
ideas too.
They say "Pink Eye" is spreadin
bout town and its ketchin. For my
part we don't see any use in gettin
pink, purple or black eyes if you just
dodge other fellers nuckels. I've had a
pink eye threat chasin after me meny
time but we amt never been ketched
yet. Ye reporters advice is if you don't
want pink eyes-run.
Holly BIS cross streets makes cross
people when its muddy and boro coun-
Gil is to get them graded which will
stop the crossness to the tax bill comes.
We remember when signs was planted
in some of Hollys cross streets full of
water sayin no boatin allowed her
what was great joke. Boro council
don't tend to let any more jokes prevail.
-sS-s-