davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06
REFLECTIONS OF a BACHELOR.
IFrom the New York Press.I

Even a plumber gets worried about
his finances when he owns an automo-
bile.
Some men count on their luck so
hard that when a girl refuses to marry
them they ask another.
It shocks = woman to hear her hus-
band swear around the house. but IL
makes her mighty suspicious when he
is so sweet-tempered that he doesn't
a woman pays attention to her re-
ligion every Sunday forenoon, but to
her complexion every day in the week
The reason a woman always wants to
have a son instead of a daughter is so
she can name him after somebody in
some fool book.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06
TRADITIONAL song OF 100,


Listen, my children, and you shall hear
OF the wonderful ride of Paul Revere
Paul was a foxy guy, and lay
In his auto ready to dash away
As soon as the blooming EngliShmen
Tried to grab the town again.
light flashed out; twas the tip to go.
To tell what sudden hole was reft
In the atmosphere as the auto left.
On through the sleeping towns he flew.
Inc bubble going for all 1t knew.
a constable called on him to halt,
But saved himself by a lightning vault.
As through the blackness tore old Paul.
Shaving a corner, scraping a wall.
Eurdling a ditch or smashing a tree
On went Paul with a mad whooD-ee!
And plenty of brains he had in his conk,
HONK!
1t startled the chickens and startled the
folk;
The soundest snorers stretched and woke 4;
The kids ran out with ye1ls of Fire,
The bells were ringing in every spire;
The women lit up the kitchen stove;
The men into chilly trousers dove
But why continue? Chauffeur Paul
Was the real cause of the British fall.
He smashed the speed laws, records
smashed,
AS on and on he madly dashed
He went so fast he couldn't stop.
And through the Ohio went kerflopi
The Indians tell of a blazing star
Twas Paul in his true-blue Yankee car
That crossed the prairies in Seventy-five,
And was seen in the western sea to dive.
There, my boys is the proper steer
On the wonderful ride of Paul Revere.
w. j., in the New York American.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.
LFrom the Philadelphia Record 7


A steady job-balancing a set of books
The man who nurses a grievance must
expect it to grow.
An American from Down East NAV be
either Yankee or a Filipino.
The clam is proverbially close. but
there comes time when he has to shell
out
It's a good thing for the fish dealer tnat
smelts don't taste Is bad as they sound
Don't tease a red-headed girl about her
hair. She might get even by marrying
you.
1t isn't polite to ask the cost of any,
thing. you admire. especially a woman's
complexion.
When a deaf mute wears diamond RING.
we can truthfully say that his conversa-
tion sparkles.
Blobbs-"That joke is awfully old
Slobbs-'How do you known" BlobbsNasr
saw II last week in one of the comic ma
pers." "a
Wigg,-'fDon't you know BORROWER? He
is really delightful" waggE"But there
are lots of delightful things I can't az
ford" al
Nothing is impossible" ouoted +h.
Wise Guy; Huh" snorted the Sinnie
Mug did you ever see a fellow uiho
doesn't care for music trying to eniov q
German opera? my
Muggins-"About how old is she7, T9,,s-
gins-WeA her mother died in her i5
fancy, about % years ago." MuRgips-
Humi That would make her about Il
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06
JAYHl WKER JOTS

Charlie Blakesley notes that the louo
noise recently heard In eastern kansas
that sounded like a runaway gas Wei
was merely Congressman Charles r.
Scott's sigh of relief over Henry Allen
removal from the Second district.
Roy Tapley should be fired, if not i'm
prisoned, by the Antipun society Tor
perpetrating this: TIt is pointed out
lola of Mr. Scates and Miss Nett result
ed in Nett gain to the Scates FAMILY
which now has new pair of Scates-
Seth Wells acts like man who in
tends to say just what he pleases as
private citizen, even II he did just re-
tire from the state auditors office. In
speaking of the office OF attorney to the
railroad board, he says in the Erie Rec
ord: This is the position that rom
Wagstaff of Montgomery county was
an applicant for and was being backed
by the Third district. Tom Wagstan
had made an excellent record as an en-
forcer of the law in Montgomery, and
Hoch who talks a heap about enforc-
ing law and that those who have the
nerve and moral courage to enforce all
laws ought to be favored in appoint
tice what he talks. but as usual he was
not equal to the emergency, and passed
Tom Wagstaff, the enforcer of enforcers
of law, up for man who has never
done the things that Hoch PIRATES about
so much. Great is Hoch!'
Lawrence World: Old Jack Layzee,
who lost out on getting a job as as
sistant doorkeeper in the legislature,
has decided to study for the ministry.
Jack has been a kind of religious fan
attic by spells for long time, and has
Just enough knowledge of the Bible TO
be able to misquote something from it
to fit almost any occasion Every Win
ter he gets converted, and every sum-
uer he backslides, so as to give the sis
ters and the sIoppyeyed brethren a
chance again the following winter to
cry over the one sinner that repenteth.
This morning Jack sent his little boy
to this office with the following notice:
THE Rev. A. ]. Layzee will preach
next Sunday morning at Briarcreek
school house. A full attendance is de-
sired. The Hon. Mr.. Layzee has been
in Topeka for some time, but has re-
turned to his home in this county and
will hereafter devote his time wholly to
the spread of the gospel" The neigh
bors says Mrs. Lazyee and Mary can do
washings to support the family while
the more or less reverend Jack is toast
ing his shirs studying the Bible and
gallivanting around over the county
BURNING some good board off the easy
brothers and sisters.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06
nRI AARoN scnuYrEB.

Tomorrow, February 7, will be the
seventy-ninth anniversary of the birth
| of one of the most profound logicians
of America citizen of Kansas. He
is DR.. Aaron Schuyler. professor of
mathematics and philosophy in the
Kansas Wesleyan university at Salina-
The day has been set apart as an an
nual holiday at the Kansas Wesleyan,
with which institution he has been
connected since it's founding twenty
years ago, and it is appropriately cele-
brated by the students and other
friends of the old philosopher.
For fifty-f1ve years DR.. Schuyler has
been college president, professor, au-
thor and lecturer. College boys who
studied algebra and geometry and
calculus under him almost half a CEN
tury ago in the old Ohio Wesleyan
university have since themselves
grown old and some of them great.
Later he was for many years presi-
dent of Baldwin university at Berea,
Ohio. and two decades ago he follow
ed the crowd" to Kansas, built himself
a home out where the prairie air is
the best and where he could still keep
in touch with the educational world,
and there he is spending his declining
days with his books.
1t is as an author that Dr. Schuyler
is best known, but he is not popu-
lar author. He has never written one
of the six best sellers" Instead MS
works are sought chiefly by thinkers.
He "trotted" in the Herbert Spencer
class His series of higher mathe-
mates is probably one of the most
difficult and deep" ever puolisheo'
while his treatises on logic, philosophy
and psychology are recognized Dy
scholars as standards.
The thousands who have come I'M
der his instruction revere and respect
the kindly old professor. His deep
abstraction in things philosophical OF
scientific frequently made him easy
prev for rnischievous students, but ne
usually enjoyed the mischief hlmsel1'
and none love him more than those
who. in their college days, made MIN
the most trouble.
And so they have made the Ola
birthday holiday out
at Kansas Wesleyan, and the day Will
be remembered by a kindly thought
by the thousands whom he has trained
in the devious ways of logic and phil
OSODhy.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06
KANSAS COMMETT
THE MAN WHO PAYS.

One distillery company in Kentucky
turns out every seven days 1,20S barrels
or sweet mash whisky. The output for
a year would be 81. 400 barrels. The cost
of all this to the manufacture may be
fairly estimated at $374,000 and they
receive from the wholesalers a profit of
from 81 to 81 per barrel. The govern
men comes in for nice little rake off,
but the fellow who has to pay it ALL in
Guiding transportation charges, govern
ment and local license fees, salary OF
barkeeper, and rent of building is the
man before the bar, and for 62,400 bar
rels of booze he lets go of $24.761.67S and
then goes home and beats his wife be-
cause supper isn't ready.-Holton Sig
nal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06
HUMOR or THE Day

The school girl with the large feet was
sitting with them stretched far out into
when the teacher. espied her: Nary
called the teacher. sharply. Yes,
that gum out Of your mouth o aRd put y aKs
feet in!' was the command, somewhat
difficult. to be strictly observed.-F1orida
Times Union.
Clerk-You can't get a room here for
weary friend)-Thats all right. What OF
that? Clerk-This is a temperance hotel.
Man-well. he's too drunk TO know the
difference-Army and Navy Life.
Boss" said the fat beggar, 'I amt had
..WeH. weiir' remarked wn Kid tIt SDat.s
de truth. boss, an when tink how well
roat Gate MSS do 5npD yo oom sw IN
the lump? That might help some"~
He has been called to one of your
modern, institutional churches. 1 hear"
formed. his new charge is one of the old
fashioned. Institutional churches. Puck.
c ,Whst on is ii1Yso11 con; asked the
one lit IS that Split whPeR moves 1ne WISE wo
man whose sleeves stop at the elbow to
scold her husband because he hasn't any
cuffs on'-Chicago News.
Roland for an o1iver.-Bridget-An
how many av yez be there to cook fer?
per's Bazaar.
Cassidy-Well. now. iv this paper amt
got these names mixed up I'll ate my hat!
CaaSey-Whats wrong wild thin? Cassidy
.shure here it SEE: Last night Police
man Caesar Jackson arristed Dinnis
y Hoolohan in tn act av stealin' some
chickens philadelphia Press.
Borrows-By the way, Knox, did I leave
my umbrella in your office yesterday?
hnox-You left an umbrella. but 1 don't
Know whether 1T was yours or not-Chi-
cago Daily News.
The western senator had concluded to
retire But do you not owe something
70 your constituencies" he was asked
Not cent; not a cent!'' he reDlied with
spirit. I paid em all in advance -
Philadelphia Public Ledger.
Doctcr-The increasing deafness of your
wife is merely an Indication of advancing
years, and you can tell her that Hus.
oand-Humi Would you mind telling her
that yourself, doctor?-Washington Times.
It's sad fact" remarked the moral
lzer, that nowadays nearly every influ-
entia! man has his price. And sadder
that half the time he can't get it."-MIi-
waulkee Sentinel.
Ubiquitous. - Money must talk n
seems. "One often hears it at the opera -
And when it doesn't care for the theater
It gets up Bible class. "-Washington
Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06
NEWSPAPER POSTAL RULES.

Some of the postal rules and regula-
tions in force in this magnificent
country of ours are fearfully and won
derfully made; and a movement is
now on foot to make them still more
FEARFUL If not more wonderful
1t has long been the policy of the
government to foster the dissemination
of information. and for that reason the
postal rates on newspapers have been
made as low as possible. Thus a
weekly-the average country weekly,
for instance. can circulate free in the
county in which it is published a
generous provision on the part of the
government. Therefore it costs the
publisher nothing to circulate his
weekly in his local town, even with the
postal carrier system, but the publish
er of a daily or a monthly in the same
town would have to put a stamp on
each of his papers to have them de-
hvercd by the same postal carriers.
John Macdonald can send his West
ern School Journal to Boston or Ma
Mia at the rate OF one cent a pound,
but to send his paper two blocks in
Topeka by postal carrier he must put
a one-cent stamp on each copy.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06

Another legislative fight that will
soon be on the boards is that between
Kansas City board OF trade and the
state grain inspection department. The
Kansas City board of trade wishes to
have its own inspectors and weighmas-
tiers weigh and inspect the grain that
is sent to them instead of having the
@fate do IL
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06

Senator Curtis has discovered a gooo
Job for at least one ex-presldent-
when he becomes an ex- Inc
trouble is that a good many people are
going to insist on postponing that time
until about 1912. and the job ought to
be nearly completed by then.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06

Mayor Schmitz of San Francisco. -
says the Washington Star. sis coming
to Washington. 1t is not yet clear
whether his arrival is to be celebrated
as a diplomatic. a social or musicai
event" Why not make it the occasion
for a reunion of all those who have
been indicted for graft?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06

You will note that President Roose-
Welt went to Senator Foraker's state to
appoint q colored man to a $1,000 fed
eraI job. Isn't this a mean trick to
play on a senator. inasmuch as Mr..
Foraker probably had that job picked
put for a friend of his? The president
Is liable to get himself disliked in the
United States senate If he isn't careful.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06

1t is noted that as soon as senator
Dryden began to advocate tederal su-
pervision of insurance companies, oth-
er people who had been advocating II
at once dropped it. 1t took on sus-
picious aspect as soon as the insurance
senator began to favor it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06

There is some curiosity to know if
Senator Bailey. although a Democrat,
is in favor of abolishing the tariff on
lumber. The Texas end of the lumber
trust has been very friendly to Senator
Bailey, although not so much so, per-
haps, as the Waters-Pierce Oil COM
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06

The sun did not shine in the east on
February and consequently ' the
grounding saw no shadow; Out the
east might as well make up its nina
that Old Winter will do his customary
lingering stunt back there just the
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06
LET MERIT RULE.

The mandate of the postmaster gem
eral is that hereafter the wishes of the
patrons of the postoffice will be consid-
cred above that of the recommend of
the congressman or senator. That's
right: let merit rule. II a postmaster
suits the people let the people have
him. There is not an official in the
country in whom all the people are so
interested as the postmaster, and they
should be permitted to select the one
to serve them. If the congressman or
senator is owing any one for political
work let him go down into his own
pockets and pay him instead of giving
him a fat" office.-Holton Signal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06

law is proposed prohibiting tne
courts from passing on the constitution
ality of any law adopted by the legis-
lature. But such a measure would OF
course. be unconstitutional and would
he declared so by the courts.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06
NOT AFTER SOCIETY.

A Georgia Judge declares that bridge
whist is as bad as craps. Evidently the
jurist has no social spirations.-New
Orleans Times-Democrat.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06

There is reform as is reform in CAL
,fornia. 1t has been made crime IN
that state to dock horses tails, and the
imnortat:on of locked horses is for
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06

There are lot of grafters in national
arfairs who have Victor Murdoch spot
ted They have a cordial dislike Tor
man who goes around and finds out
things as Congressman Murdoch mas
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06

Incidentally the Thaw case also al
lows a lot of lime light to be thrown
on the person of one William Travers
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06
NaiIin~ = Lie.

In The American Magazine for Feb
ruary a maiden thirty-six years old
glories in her single blessedness with
so much self-complacency that there is
no way to answer her-no way except
by reminding her of the small boy,
who. coming upon the epitaph, az
would not live Away" paused, recov-
cred his mental balance, and then with
confidence wrote in chalk upon the
tomb: Sour grapes.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06
GREEN LONDON

What with its parks and squares
and royal gardens, London is said to
be the greenest city in the world.
American mining promoters have
thought that for a long time.-Los An
geles Times
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06

Then, again. perhaps the earth-
Quake is caused by germ, like every
thing else. Why doesn't some enter
prisfng scientist hunt for it?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06
HE'S DEAD.

What has become of the man who
used to write plausible articles on How
to Live on Thirty Cents a Day?'" asks
an exchange. Dead most likely
Rochester Express.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06

Some of these days when member
of the lower house is fined oarrel OF
apples by his colleagues, he Is ia
to open a box of lemons for them oS
mistake.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06
INCOMPETENT HANDS.

In connection with the Kingston in
cident. it would appear that some of
England's Hands Across the Sea" are
very poor hands indeed.-Chicag In
ter-Ocean
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06

Perhaps the members of congress
decided that it is worth another SZ'ooo
a wear to do all those things that Pres
ident Roosevelt lays out Tor congress
in his daily messages.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06

EARTHQUAKES ARE GENTLE.
Russia has also had an earthquake,
but people don't mind little thing
like that over there.-Indianapo
News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06

Now that Dryden has been defeateo
even Aldrich may have trouble wnen
he comes up for reelection.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06

You will note that Minnesota and
Nebraska have billiards.. but nary a
blizzard has there been IN Kansas NO
street
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06

Senator Tillman has thus Iar KEEP
his promise not to get funny III inc
United States senate again. FroDaoly
Senator Dryden also feels some" ia :
sad and SCHENECTADY.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06
FULL, LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

New Jersey doesn't seem to be such
m wicked state. after all.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06

Kansas may have some drawbacks
we cannot think just now what they
are-but it never has snowslides like
SoIoradO
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06
HARDLY.

Kansas has reached that stage where
she doesn't worry much about the law
makers. If the laws suit her she abides
by them. If they do not suit she ig-
nores them. Ideal condition? Well,
hardly.-Sedgwfck Panta graph.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06
BEFORE AND AFTER

The Concordia Kansan says that not
newspaper in that county fayors Cur
us Tor senator, yet both their represen-
tatlve and senator will vote for him.
Perhaps II the newspapers would de-
VeIop backbone enough to tell the
truth about Republican candidates be-
fore election, as we'll as after. there
would be more respect for them among
the po1ticians.-Scandia Journal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06

Inc Journal is sorry that Carr Tay-
lor was not reappointed attorney of the
railroad board. but it never thought
he would be. The compact at the state
convention is being carried out in de-
tall Every square deal man is being
sWatted as soon as reached.-Lawrence
Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06

Riverside, in southern California. IS
the center of the great orange growing
industry of that state-in fact, the
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06
VALUE or MANIrAI. rRA1N1Nr

What the manual training can do for
a colored youth has been illustrated in
the case of Joe Cans of Baltimore. on
several occasions Joe has been known
ing with his hands.-Savannah, Ga,
News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06
ASIA FOR THE AsIATIcs

The migration of japanese to Korea
is said to be going on at the rate of
1900 or $500 a month. The islanders
who cross the strait to the peninsula are
men of the kind who would be most
useful to Japan in case of trouble with
the Koreans. They are making their
impress, deep and strong, upon the less
whom they live. Meanwhile the Jana
nese projects which deal with the for
tification of strategic garrison points in
Korea and the gridironing of the coun-
try with railroads and military high
ways go forward steadily. Every such
extension of Japanese power and sov-
eretgnty means another step toward the
time when Japan will be prepared to
announce and enforce, as to eastern
Asia, a sort of new Monroe doctrine
Asia for the misunderstanding Plain
Dealer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06

These are only a few of many pro-
posed changes in seccnd-class postage
regulations. A few of them are prob
ably wise, such, for instance, as the
proposition to cut off from second
class rates publications made uo ex-
clusively of fiction, which ought to go
at book rates Some of these changes.
however. will be exceedingly hard on
many newspapers and magazines
They will result in cutting off much
good matter from the subscribers and
probably in raising the cost of sub
scriptions.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-02-06

1t is argued that newspapers are
sending too much stuff through the
mails, and this must be curbed. It is
right and proper, of course to cut out
gift pictures. and articles that have no
connection with newspapers, from sec
ond class rates, but the postal COM
mission proposes to go farther than
that. 1t would compel every supple
ment to be of the same size as the
body of the paper, to be printed on the
same quality of paper, and to contain
no advertising. This would hit every
little country paper that issues a small
supplement occasionally. 1t would
also hit the big city papers that issue
Sunday magazines similer in size and
makeup to the Saturday Evening
Post. 1t would also cut out all the
fine half-tone supplements which some
papers issue.
Another proposed regulation is that
no paper may contain advertising to
more than fifty per cent of its space.
OF course no paper runs that much
advertising as a rule, but frequently is
compelled to do so.
It is proposed to change the method
of charging postage, and instead of
charging by the bulk weight, charge
according to the weight of each copy,
except where there are packages that
weigh ten pounds or over.
A rule which would not interfere
with the State Journal-in fact, COM
paratively few of the rules barring the
change in the method of weighing
would make any difference to this
paper-but one that would inter-
fere with some others is as follows:
THE full printed subscription rates
(save to agents commissioner must
he charged in all cases without reduc-
ton by rebate, premium, gift or other
wise; this applying to all subscrip-
Vrhe nv mail