The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-03-17
ELPH HEWLETT
 AND THE BIG STICK
uE rxPAT1ATIcs ON THINGS RoOsE- vELTHIAN TO MR- GILTHH0P.
And of Oeurse MT. Gsithrop Is Richer Bx . Copy of Jarby's Encyciopedia of Knowledge and Compendium
 of Literature, science
 &G- and Art.
tcopyri9ht, slsoT, by Ellis Parker
 8s elS7 Butlsr) E~

EL8WEtt8nes A@Ssf
 s 1A;7 Butlsr) zai .Naw,s said MT. dilthrop. the butch- CT at daliup's Junction. Iowa, T don't want no books, and if did wouldn't want cha. oycIopedy of yourn with that there appendix of the Russian war printed fn the simplified spelling I aee how Congressman Hicks from tnis dfstrict Is again that sirnplifled spell ing. and what is good enough for him is good enough for me"
 Eliph' Hewitt, the little book agent with the sandy gray whiskers, laid his sample copyl of Jarby's Encyclopedia or Knowledge and Compendium of Litera- f,tre. Science and Art on the counter and smiled at MT. Gilthrop kindly.
 ssYas,". he said. That's what Jarby satd. ot Jarby & Goss. publishers of ehis world renowned work. comprising ussfui information on one thousand and one subjects, twenty thousand refer efces in all,' from A to z, including the lives of ell the worlds great men from Adam to Roosevelt. price five dollars oaa dollar down and one dollar month until paid I said to him. Jarby, use the sirnplified! Make the spelling or the new edition simple enough for man or beast"
 T wonldn.t buy that book if you R9vs trading. stamps with it. inter rupted Mf. Gilthrop, decidedly. "so It's no use talking at mel" a aAnd I don't demand to sell you one. said Eafpf Hewitt. gently. T didn't sexpect to. That was what Jarby told me in his very office in New York. Hew1itt.' he says to me, if print the Cyclopedia in simplified you can't sell Gtlthrop. Gallup's Junctions leading .-l IA N1~ would do it for any one, and for your sake I will include in the superb new edition a complete list of the three hundred words as bobtailed by the manicuras of the English language, but that is all that I will do What he says, is the knowledge of a bunch of urofessors and one President when compared with the combined inte1lects of the gentlemen in Congress assem- bled7 How can you compare the wis dom of William James, a mere profess gor at Harvard, with the deep knowl edge of the English language possess ed by Timothy O'Toole, Congressman from the good old Bowery in New York? It is not Mir. Roosevelt that is the trus friend of the English lan- guAge..' he says. 1t is Orlando Hicks district Of Iowa So long as I run thin Encyclopedia he says. it shall not look as if spotted COW had walked across It's pages and bit pieces out oi the words. This is not going to be anT moth eaten boole'''
 'Tnat's rfghti" said Mir. Gilthrop. 'l don't gtvs no short weight when sell meat. and | don't want no short weight whAn buy words"
 ''Theh w&s my very words to Jarby, said EdipH Hewitt. bland1y. "Jarby, I says. q know folks don't want short weight when they buy words. but fl Slosat hust iione to cut the suet ofr from D roast ex beef, does it? Mo- he say s snot when lis done by butcher. but I don't call what these folks are doing to the English butchering it. I like ( xood. clean job of butchering as wei as the neat man does,' he says, but lool at thhe word thru. I don't call that [ buechery, he says; I call 1t a mang ling. t., looks worse than a chickel with it's toes froze of. If was owe tn France and one Of them frogeater handed me that word on a plate wouldn't know whether it was a Chi nese puzzle or an insult. That wore would look all right in the Welsh Ian guage,' he says, where all the word look like ragout of alphabet, but be fore [ would let that word circulate among refined ladies in this country would take 1t into the dressing room and pin c skirt around it. When word has appendicitis he says, I an not the one to say the appendix shoul not be removed My own has been. Blu to take a healthy American word, on that our ancestors fought and bled fe in the Declaration of Independence, an chop off its hind legs and graft on boiled cauliflower instead is agains my principles All right, Jarby,' sayS, but print it in simplified, jus the same.'"
 You must have had some good req Gilthrop. with growing interest.
 I did" said Eliph' Hewitt What three hundred words! Who says the sfmpliffed g three hundred. No where near it. he says. That's the de ceit9ulness of them; half the list words everybody uses. Use jail in stead of gaol,, say they. And who i the last hundred years ever used gao anyhow7 Use favor instead of favour say they. And who that ever sang tn star Spangled Banner" up to wher his voice fizzled out on the high norei which is all any American can do. eve used favour? No one? But into tn list them words went says Jarby, s that folks would say, What differ ence? Half the words Is such as W use, anyhow; the list can't be so ba 6ILeF all. IL IS II, says a ma should come to you with a plan fo simplifying your face. and had lis of four things for you to accept, Iter one, to wear one nose. Item two, t wear one mouth. well, whyl not |? you say, "I do that already, so wher can be the harm of the rest of the list and the rest of the list is:-Item thre to wear. but one ear Item four. { wear but one eye. And says Jarb. the same way these fellers hand yo favor and jail. and then when you ar not looking they stick a thru int your back Says I, Jarby there sense in what you say. but you g ahead and print the new edition the simplified.'
 TT guess" said Mir Gilthrop. "ths you was thinking of selling the boo to these here ignorant foreigners that coming to America by shiploads. wasn you? That was what made you stic out wasn't it?"
 That's your benevolent spirit M GiIthrop," said Ellph' Hewitt. and it kind in you to think of that, for a the men. women and children of Et rope, Asia and Africa, full description of all which continents, together wit maps and tables of their flora ar fauna are given in this useful, mori and entertaining volume, the price which is but $5, neatly bound in clot S1 down and S1 a month until pal The thought does you credit Yc think of the poor MT. Czygykowi from WEluckKzzbz. and of the lit Wlldllsllns from Bnnyrbryggin, al you consider how hard it is for the