The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-03-14
AMERICAN WIT.
Some Examples from Debates in Congress
and on the Stump.

| anu VII thO ptuups
William Shakespeare, who codifed
our English-speaking, conversational
laws, made his admirably wise fool
Touchstone divide the more or less
pleasant custom of giving ones adyer-
sary the lie into seven classes, ranging
from the Retore Courteous to the Lie
Direct. The field of politics is more
prolific in famous instances of retort
than any other.
An illustration of the nimble and
caustic wit of Alexander H. Stephens,
OF Georgia, in sensational debate oc-
cured on the floor of the senate in q
heated argument with Robert Toombs,
also OF Georgia. Stephens, although
possessed of one of the most powerful
brains of his time, was lame and had a
wizened little body. Toombs was one
of the largest men in the senate, and
was of a clustering, sputtering type.
He had argued with Stephens until he
was hoarse, and became so exasperated
that he threatened to fight. However,
consideration of the size of his oppo-
nent deferred him, and, turning, he
said: 81 won't fight you, but could
swallow you whole" Stephens quick
ly retorted: eff you did you would
have mere brains in your stomach than
you ever had in your head"
Gen. Chas. H. Grosvenor is the hero
of hundred wordy battle in the house.
He has a luxurious snow-white beard
and a caustic tongue. One day VIM.
ID. Vandiver, now insurance commits
sioner of Missouri, launched into fu-
rious attack upon "the gentleman from
Ohio" and Champ Clark innocently
inquired, Which gentleman from
Ohio?" The Missourian shook his fin
ger at Gen. Grosvenor and replied: 81
mean the gentleman from Ohio who
looks like Santa Claus and talks like
Satan" Grosvenor, white with rage,
shouted back; "But my picture has
never served as warning on poison
pots in pharmacies. Vandiver had
such thin face and bony frame that
he had been nicknamed "Skull and
Crossbones."
The late Senator Ingalls,, of Kansas,
was attacking Gen. Mcclellan and Gen.
Hancock, two federal generals of the
civil war, who were atterward demo-
cratic candidates for the presidency.
Senator Blackburn, of Kentucky, arose
and interrupted: "When Gen. Geo. B.
Mcclellan was leading the armies of
his country, and when Gen. Winfield
Scott Hancock lay wounded by the en-
emy's bullets under the flag of his
country, the senator from Kansas, in
the capacity of Judge advocate general,
was prosecuting noncombatant Jay
hawkers for robbing hen -roosts."
In the old days of Tom Marshall and
one Graves were rival candidates for
congress in the Blue Grass region of
Kentucky, Marshall was an aristocrat.
Graves was the son of cooper, and he
was always making an appeal to the
"peepul" by boasting of the humble
occupation of his father. Marshall
found it was hurting his chances, and
he decided to stop it by the counter
check quarrelsome. In reply to Graves
he said "My opponent boasts of thu
humble calling of his father. Fol
ought I know his father may have beei
good cooper, but it is easy to see tina
he put mighty poor head on his whis
ky barrel, clapping his hand OF
Graves head.
Tennessee bred two great orators il
the olden days-Andrew johnson,
democrat, once president OF the Unite'
States, and Gustavus A. Henry, a whig
known as the eagle Orator of tn
South" They ran against each othe
for governor, and when q long serie
of joint debates had reached its clos
johnson addressed the wings in th
. audience: II have spoken with th
boasted eagle orator from the Missil
sippi river to the Unaka mountains
and as yet see no flesh in his tailor
or blood on his beak." Quick as a fias
Henry was on his feet, saying: "Th
American eagle is proud bird, an
) feeds not on carrion."
Champ Clark, in q speech on civ
service reform, told a story of a shal
retort to an examination question pr,
pounded by the civil service beard.
, man applying for position to run Q
elevator was asked: How many trooI
- did ENGLAND send tn the coIoniaa durir