davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
Piano Acts as Burglar Alarm.

Because clumsy burglar stumbled
and sprawled over the keyboard of a
piano in the parlor of Dominick
Smith, rich contractor at Pelham,
N. Y, the burglar and pal" we're
compelled to abandon booty valued
at several thousand dollars which
they had packed in bundles ready to
carry away.
Quite recently Smith bought the
piano. He bought it solely for it's
harmony-producing qualities ana had
no idea it would serve as a burglar
alarm Several silver articles of brio
a-brac were placed on top of the piano
and evidently in reaching for these
one of the burglars fell. his hands
striking the keys. A loud, discord-
ant rumble disturbed the quiet of the
house and aroused the whole family.
Smith seized his revolver and ran
down stairs In time to see two men
speeding down a path in the front
yard. He fred several shots at them
but the bullets went wild. Near the
piano afterward the contractor found
the bundles of valuables the men had
intended to carry away, but which
they abandoned in their haste to es-
cape when the piano proclaimed their
presence.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
WHITE HOUSE GROUNDS
GUARDED BY MAD BULLS

w ASHlNGTON.-In the absence of
w President Roosevelt in the cane
brake and with Pete" the bull dog
sequestered on Surgeon-General Rix-
ey's farm, the white house grounds
nave not been left unguarded. A
couple of bulls-not bull dogs, but
real bovine bulls-have taken upon
themselves the task, formerly so well
discharged by Pete" of seeing that
the grounds are unprofaned by unde-
sirable citizens. mollycoddles or milk
sops.
Since the president and Pete went
away newspaper men, mollycoddles
and the criminal rich have roamed the
white house grounds with impunity.
Undesirable citizens have shown a
tendency to stand on the walks and
bark at the white house, and neither
Slippers" the six-toed cat, nor Quen-
tin Roosevelt's snakes have proved
equal to the task of preserving the
requisite calm.
How the two patriotic bulls dis.
covered the state of things and decid-
ed that 1t was up to them to rectify
1t will never be known. 1t is a fact,
however, that early the other morn
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
HIS BROKEN
H cart

Young McNatt shrugged his shoul
ders. After moment in which he en-
joyed the novel sensation he shrug
ged them again. bitterly. He die
more-he bit off the end Of cigar
and muttered harsh words.
Amid 1t all he felt well satisfied
with himself. He realized that he had
taken the situation with all the com
posture of one to whom being rejected
by ones best girl was an old story
and not at all as novice would have
taken II. Callie was the first girl
whom he had honored by devoted at
tentions. For three months he had
looked upon life with the tolerance OF
the wording. Was he not engaged?
Were not he and Callie to get mar
ried some day when he was more firm
ly established financially?
At 20 man regards an income as
a mere incidental, annoying because
of its slimness. He and Callie had a
vaguely cheerful idea that with years
come increased salary as matter OF
course. He had called her little SRI
as he planned out their future and he
had grown several inches by realizing
that she depended on his superior wis.
dom and ability.
And after a foolish little quarrel size
had decided that she did not love him
as she had thought.
my dear Charles" II ran, latter
last evenings exhibition of temper on
your part 1t is better that we should
let our dream go. All is over between
us. Our lives are sundered hence
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31

ing they took up position in from,
of the white house from which they
could command both walks. The frs
trespasser to appear was an Afro
American named Charles Lancaster
1t was still dark when he arrived, and
the bull at the west corner let hin
get little distance by before he made
up his mind as to Lancaster's unde
STABILITY. Then he discharged a bel
low and advanced on the enemy, head
down and tail up.
Lancaster moved eastward with
some haste, and the bull did likewise
AT the east corner the west bulls col
league came charging out with a few
savage remarks.
Lancaster emerged from the east
gate about as conservatively as a shot
departs from gun, and the two bulls
fortunately got damned in the door.
way. The Afro-American never stop.
ped till he got to the house of deten.
ton. Meanwhile the two bulls,
finding the mollycoddle crop a
little short, tired of the job and wan.
dered to Iowa Circle, where they were
later arrested by policeman and
locked up.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31

forth. Forget me, as ! have no doubt
you will. 1t has been mistake. Do
not call, as / am going with Mr.. Les
ter to the theater."
Tried to make me jealous! Foolish
grill" muttered young McNatt, allud.
ing to the last sentence. Women are
so transparent" Callie was not quite
Is. Throw me over as calmly as II
/ were an empty candy box-and with
no more heart! 1t cuts fellow up!"
He walked to the window and stared
hard at the pavement. He was search
ing vigorously for the emotion he
ought to have, crushing back the in
sistent knowledge that all he felt was
complacency at having arrived at the
point where he could get engaged and
then have his heart broken by frivo
lous girl.
Il am well rid of her." he told q
banana cart that was being pushed
by. Then he scowled as he had seen
a villain on the stage do short time
before. But to a man with heart
an ideal is slow to die. She will &C
gayly on-with that Lester idiot
suppose-because she is shallow
While I-ah, perhaps in years to come
Callie, can blot you from my mem
DRY.
"A blow just at the opening OF
mans career" he told himself, with
gentle bitterness. But the world shall
not know, shall not pity me. Naturally
things never can look the same to me
again, but / shall laugh and go on and
pretend to have an interest in life and
no one will know that | carry disil
lusioned spirit, an empty heart, be
meath the smiling exterior. | have
loved and lost. Well, so be it. / am
not one to scatter my affection about
shall never love agaln-never!"
Entranced with the thought of this
horrible fate, young McNatt surveyed
himself in the mirror.
pale" he murmured. II am sensi
tive and show when / am moved. Lit
tie Callie! Foolish girl! Spelling her
life for a whim. Some day she will
know 1t when it is too late. / am done
with women. They have no interes.
for me now. They are merely an Incl
dent and must not be allowed to In
terfere with mans career. shall
Hello, Birney!" he broke off as
another youth about his own age en-
tered attired in the latest agony.
SAY" remarked Birney, breathless
ly, with no respect for the tragedy IN
which his friend was involved, come
along with me and call on that Lar
kins girl we met last week. She
asked me to call and she said to bring
you"
mot that stunner-with the blue
eyes and
1.-The same" returned young Nc
Natts visitor, nodding his head tc
give greater emphasis to his reply
Young McNatt whistled. "Gee!" he
exclaimed. What luck! ! should say
l would go! Where's my hat?"--
Chicago Daily News.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31

furnish no wine to guests at the
White House. There is no power on
earth that can compel the president
to observe any law.
AS all writs in the District OF
Columbia run in his name, 1t is OBJ
vious that he would not arrest him.
self for disregarding the law. That
he had disregarded it would be no
tice to all peace officers that he de-
cided not to enforce it against him
self.
All presidents of the United States
have at times set wine before their
guests. Until Theodore Roosevelt be-
came president the White House had
a wine cellar and dark room In the
attic set aside as a storeroom for
liquors.
He did away with them both. The
cellar is now used for machinery and
the dark room is a part of the quar-
ters for the servants.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
PLEDGE TO WIFE KEEPS
TEDDY FROM THIRD TERM

is determined to shield Ethel from the
publicity that came to Alice Roosevelt
and she would prefer that the former
girl wait until the family should be
established in private life. Still she
realizes what it is for young girl to
make her social bow in the white
house, and for that reason she will
grant to Ethel just three months as a
social grown-up.
Mrs. Roosevelt from the first hour
of the presidents incumbency has
been solicitous about it's effect on her
children Often she has pleaded with
persons not to spoil the children and
has exerted all her influence to keep
all their doings out of print
1t is likely Miss Roosevelt will
spend the two years after she leaves
Washington in travelling abroad and
studying music and languages. She
will not be Is until the summer Of
1909.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31

WOMEN have changed the faces of
w empires, and why should not a
woman have strong voice in saying
whether such and such a man should
rule the republic of so-and-so?
Capital gossips assert Theodore
Roosevelt will keep his promise not
to run again for the presidency, and
in that retirement he will be fulfilling
not merely his promise to the people
but his pledge to his WIFE,
Mrs. Roosevelt has informed exceed.
ingly close friends that her husband
and she long ago decided that, purely
as family affair, not political one,
they and theirs would leave the white
house on March 4, 1909.
1t is said that Mrs. Roosevelt re-
luctantly consented to introduce her
young daughter Ethel to Washington
society, probably in Christmas week
of 1908.
Mrs Roosevelt, says the confidants.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
ACT OF "DRYS" MAY
EMBARRASS ROOSEVELT

IF congress at the coming session
prohibits the manufacture and
sale of alcoholic liquors in the District
of Columbia, as now seems probable,
President Roosevelt will be in an en-
barrassing position-the prohibition
lists say between the devil and the
deep sea-"
For tactical reasons the prohibit
tionists will tack their bill to an APP
preparation measure so as to assure
its passage. When such an appropria-
ton bill comes befor the president
he will have to decide, first, whether
he can afford to jeopardize the inter-
ests of the branch of the government
for which the appropriation is pro-
posed, by vetoing the whole bill in
order to get rid of the liquor devil"
clause.
If he decides he cannot afford to
interpose a veto he will have to de-
eide whether he shall obey it and
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
THE fascination of Washington as

T HE fascination of Washington as a
place of residence especially to
those who have tasted the delights of
official life, is once more illustrated
by the announcement that Mrs. John
E. Reyburn, wife of the recently ~lect-
ed mayor of Philadelphia, will con-
tnue her home at the national capital,
Notwithstanding her husbands posi-
ton as the municipal chief of the city
Of Brotherly Love.
Quite another type of woman seek
ing a residence in Washington as re-
lief from less satisfying city is Mrs.
Thomas F. Ryan, wife of New York's
great financier, who last season
bought and furnished the former resi-
dence of the late Mrs. Harriet Lane
Johnston with a view to passing her
winters In Washington. Right In the
heart of the smartest residence sec
ton with Representative and Mrs.
Longworth as her immediate neigh
bors, Mrs. Ryan lives entirely apart
from the social world, but thoroughly
enjoying Washington, her new home
and the society of her husband and
children who come and go between
New York and Virginia with happy
unconcern for distance or expense.
Everybody, or nearly everybody,
socially speaking, called on Mrs.
Ryan, OF course, but few persons got
beyond the white and yellow portal,
which is guarded by sphinxlike but
Ter, who gently informs all corners his
mistress Is mot at home" Within a
week each person leaving card re-
ceives one in return. with the written
message that Mrs. Ryan regrets she
Is unable to receive or make visits.
No reason is assigned for the inabil-
hy, nor are the regrets qualified by
any polite adjective, but as Mrs. Ryan
drives, travels in her special car With
out any apparent Inconvenience. 1t Is
assumed the inability Is not physical.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
WINTER LIFE AT CAPITAL
ATTRACTIVE TO WOMEN

Extremely charitable and a devout
Roman Catholic, Mrs. Ryan deyotes
.ime and means to the propagation of
that faith, especially in Virginia, her
husbands native state.
To the few who have been fortunate
enough to make her acquaintance and
win her friendship, Mrs. Ryan is a gra-
cious kindly woman of strong person
ality. interested in the affairs of the
world so far as an intelligent appreci-
alton of life goes, but far removed
from its frivolities
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
SENTENCE SERMONS.

Love always is a good loser.
Stolen sermons sound sweet to the
enemy.
A false prophet has his eye on the
profits only.
Polishing the splgot does not I'LL the
barrel.
Happiness never Is found by run.
ming after pleasure.
A little care for others is worth q
lot of prayer for them.
II you are fountain Of the water
of life you will not need TO do any
unshina
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
WORSE THAN THE DISEASE.

Mr.. Tricure (anxiously)-My dear
boy, what a dreadful cold you have!
Mr.. StrCngman-Yes / get cold
now and then. My only ailment
Mr.. Tricure-But that's very wrong.
I never get cold, and you wouldn't
ether II you treated yourself as ! do.
Mr.. Strongman-Well,h how, for in
stance?
Mr.. Tricure-I take a Turkish bath
every week-it's excellent for my
rheumatism, / Finland massage
twice week-that's for insomnia. l
rarely sleep more than three hours
any night. Then cold plunge first
thing in the morning for my lungs,
and two-mile walk. seldom take
any acknowledgements too bad. l
drink about three quarts of hot water
during the day for my liver and then
use nerve tonic every night. tell
you, my boy, If you'd follow my regi-
mem
Mr.. Strongman-Oh, thanks; but
er-ah-I think I'd rather have cold.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
A Risk.

"Many man has. by simple econ
omy, laid the foundation of a for
tune"
doesn't figure closely, "but by the
time you get your fortune, you are so
liable to be grounded in habits of
economy that you won't enjoy spend
ing the money."-Washingt Star.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
Mutual Disclosures.

Miss Smilax-And so Miss Gilt and
Mr.. Gotnix really got married. Was IT
a love match?
Mary-On the contrary. should
call it hate match.
Miss Smilax-Why? I don't under
stand you.
Mary-Why, she hated to be an old
maid and he hated to be poor.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
Pretty Close.

"Tom," said the young wife, 'I'm
afraid you smoke too much. Do you
buy your cigars by the hundred
weight"
Something like that, my DEAR" re-
piled the masculine end of the COM
b.ne. 81 buy them by the hundred and
the man waits for his money"
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
A LOGICAL Difficulty.

''Pa, h,w do they indict a man who
makes bad money!"
1.-The same way they indict other
people. Why do you ask?"
But If the money is counterfeit,
how can the grand jury find true
bill ?-Baltimore American.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
Jungle Joke.

Hello, Jumbo" bantered the smart
monkey. IF big ears are the sign OF
generosity you should be very gener
ous."
Il am, Jocko," replied the big ele
plant, as he made a quick lunge
Have trunk on me-"
The simian was tossed to the top
most branch of a cocoanut tree.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
Faster Than All.

The great man gave cry Of joy. He
had just solved the problem of how
trains could be made to run at the
rate of 800 miles an hour.
''The speed will be wonderful" he
cried. "Only one thing in the world
can beat it,"
"And that?" they asked.
"a bit of racy scandal"
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
Unaccountable.

"My husband got hardly any sleep
{ all last night, doctor"
Did you give him the medicine
j left for his. insomnia2'
Yes, doctor, regularly. l woke him
.p every half hour to be sure he
.ook it. baltimore American.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
a Drawback.

81 wish my teeth were not so regu-
FAR" sighed the young woman ree6rd-
ing herself pensively in the glass.
Every time / smile when I'm talk
ing to Harry, he looks as If he won
dered how much they cost"
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
No Cause for Alarm.

Sally-Capt Shuffles said the har-
hor is full of sharks, and 1 am aw-
fully afraid of them-aren't you?
Clarice-Oh, I'm not afraid. The
captain told me that they were all
man-eating sharks.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
More Than She Wanted.

Promise me, Jack, that you will
rot go to the dogs because 1 have re-
fused you"
Certainly mott"
you horrid thing!"
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
Mrs. HueaIe Turned Down.

The supreme court denied the peti
ton for rehearing filed by Mrs. Jennie
Steele Huegle, county superintendent
OF Polk county, and her case is closed
SO far as the case which has beer
pending for some time is concerned.
To all lntents and purposes she 10
ousted from office unless she has Q
string to her bow in this. controversy
which has not been disclosed during
the long and bitter fight which Q
coter,e OF gentlemen engaged ir
educational work In Des Moines have
been making against her.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
Not Deterrent.

Il see where they have abolished.
the guillotipe in France"
THAT does not prevent some of
them over there from losing their
heads - Eal. tsnore American.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
Sorry.

"a man in your position must oc-
casionally say something he is sorry
for"
Yes" answered Senator Sorghum,
"in naming price for certain services
once mentioned $4,000 and subse-
quently discovered that 1 might as
well have had 100000" -Washing
Star.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
Insurance Meraer Effected.

An insurance merger was affected
at the Office Of Auditor of State Car
roll, when the Mutual HORTICULTURE
Insurance association OF Des Moines
reinsured the Corn Belt Mutual Hal
Insurance association OF Shenandoah
w. s. Tidrick is the president and
w. f. Gormley the secretary of the
horticultural association, and they
and their directors will remain In
management of the affairs of the
merged concerns.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
SOUR ON HIM.

You're a lemonl" the young man cried
AS he Rugged her just to tease her;
IF that's the case" she quick replied,
"You must be lemon squeezer."
Chicago Daily News
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
Refuses Habeas Corpus.

The supreme court disallowed this
application of the Illinois Central
Railroad company and its attorney
II. II. Schultz of Storm Lake, for
writ Of habeas corpus on the ground
that the state antl.pass law is invalid
and unconstitutional, for tho reason
that the petitioners, Schultz and the
company, had failed to show reasons
for not making their application ia
the court or Judge nearest the place
OF the defendants alleged unlawfw
detention.
Ia making up the application or
petition for the writ, r. ID. Healy, the
lawyer for Schultz, failed to state why
the application was not made to the
district court for the writ This wac
a technical omission which will bs
supplied In an amended application
unless II Is decided finally 10 Apply
to the district court and go through
the Formally of an appeal by Ger
tiorari, which would mean much do
lay, Of course.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31

Stung Cat the race track Say, that
was a nice steer you gave me. You
said Racer would win by block.
Bunko-An' it's err fact, but de fool
owner made de mistake NV enterin'
him in a runnin' race.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
Easier.

This little fact doth ever balk
The struggle for the right;
IT'S easier to sit round and talk
Than to stand up and fight.
Washington Star.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
Asks Nurses, certlfleates.

superintendent Crumpacker and
Witte of the state hospitals at indie
pendence and Clarinda respectively
appeared before the state board OF
health to ask that the nurses train
ing schools OF the state hospitals b.
recognized by the board with Other
nurses schools ana the graduates is
sued certificates az trained nursel
without examination. The matter
was taken under advisement. TIL,
board will grant certificates to th'
former graduates of the schools. OF
course, but may not hereafter.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
Iowa's Finances All Right.

Des Moines and Iowa have nothing
financial circles, according to leading
Des Moines bankers, who character
lie the trouble in Gotham merely a,
a wrangle of frenzied spectators
whom they consider a menace ts
banking and business interests IL
general. The west generally, ana
Iowa particularly, Is in the best finan,
cial condition 1t has been In years and
consequently able to Withstand anJ
little furry that might be caused b
news from New York.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
Won kutzleben Given New Trial.

Erich Won Kutzleben Of Iowa ooun-
ty, convicted Of murder In the FIRST
degree through having wrecked n
Rock Island train, was given a new
trial by the supreme court. which re-
versed the decision against him In the
lower court. He was convicted In
1905.
The regularity and legality of the
indictment was attacked In the su.
preme court by Won Kutzleben's at
torneys, but the court sustains II.
TWO members, Bishop and Weaver,
think the grand jury was Illegal be-
cause more than one OF the members
were chosen from the same township,
but the majority Of the court believes
the jury to have been correctly drawn.
But the court holds that he should
have had a continuance the second
time when he asked Il, for his con
tention was that he was mentally
unbalanced and IL was improper to
stop him from chance TO prove 1t.
He had to get witnesses from Ger
many to aid In this task.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
Echo Of orlswold Tragedy.

ISHo o' STIsWolu Tragedy.
An echo OF the George Griswold
tragedy was heard at the state house.
when the supreme court decided a
case Involving one OF the check kit
ing practices INDUCED by Griswold
and In the course OF It's opinion nj
luded to zone, Essex"
Under the decision, the First
National bank of Pleasantville Is
stuck for $3,49S,50. the judgment
against 1t In favor OF the Citizens
bank OF Pleasantvllle, rendered in the
court Of Judge Edmund Nichols, be-
ing affirmed. This money was SO
cured by zone, Essex" says the court
from the First National. which In
turn, got II back from the Citizens.
which held the sack when 1t was dis
covered that Essex had not arranged
with the Farmers bank, at Sandyville
to cash his check on that institution
But the courts have decided that the
bank which first paid out the money
must bear the loss OF S3,49S.50.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-31
Pay Roll Takes a Jump.

An increase of more than $l,l00,-
900 In the pay roll of the Milwaukee
railroad in Iowa last year is the fen
ture OF its report to the state railroad
commission. 1t is more than II per
cent. The road last year also In
creased It's revenue from carrying
passengers over 100000, or almost
10 per cent. These figures cover the
year ending July /, 1907, when the 2
cent fare went into effect All Of the
important railroads have now fled
their reports with the railroad com.
missioners.