davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Lewiston evening teller. [volume] (Lewiston, Idaho) 1903-1911, 1907-04-25

By Henry Clews.

100000, gain of s109,o00.O00 during
the same period. The excess of ex-
ports over imports during the period
was $3S5.0o0,o00, compared with $780,
100000 last year. Our net imports of
gold during these nine months have
been $SS,s00.000. compared with over
$16,S00,000 for the same period last
year, an increase of nearly $1,000 900
for the nine months.
In Money Market.
In the immediate outlook there are
no positive indications in either d.
rection. Monetary conditions should
become easier, unless the railroads in
sist on jumping in and absorbing all
the new capital. The tendency Of bank
reserves is toward higher level and
the monetary situation has been I'M
doubtedly improved by contraction a.
home and abroad enforced since the
March break. 1t is a question IL LIQUID
alton resulting from that debacle is
complete either In New York or Lon
don. With conditions so conflicting
stable market can hardly be anticl-
pated. There still remains with many
traders a disposition to operate on the
short side which seems to be invari-
ably met bv determined efforts on the
part of bulls to force the shorts to
quickly cover In the absence OF new
Influences, therefore, the market is
likelv in the immediate future to fiuc-
tuate between comparatively moderate
limits. but with tendency towa rfs a
somewhat higher range.
HENRY CLEwS.
Lewiston evening teller. [volume] (Lewiston, Idaho) 1903-1911, 1907-04-25
Penn Memorial Day.

CARLISLE Pa. April 25-Dickin-
son college today celebrated with be-
coming ceremonies the 225th anniver-
of his celebrated Frame of Govern
ment for the Colony of Pennsylvania
one of the remarkable political docu-
ments of American history. President
memorial exercises and the principal
address was delivered by Dr. Mon
cure D. Conway. of New Yirk.
Lewiston evening teller. [volume] (Lewiston, Idaho) 1903-1911, 1907-04-25
China Missionary Conference.

SHANGHAI, April 25.-Practically
all the foreign missionary boards and
societies were Represented here to-
day at the opening of the China Cen
tenary Missionary conference, held to
celebrate the centennial of the begin
ming Of missionary efforts in China.
The conference will last two weeks,
during which time special topic re-
lating to missionary work Will be dis
cussed each day.
Lewiston evening teller. [volume] (Lewiston, Idaho) 1903-1911, 1907-04-25
Worcester Dinner POSTPONED,

WORCESTER, Mass, April 25.--
The annual dinner of the worcester
board of trade which was to have
taken place tonight, has been post
poned one week in order to suit the
convenience Of ex-Secretary of the
Treasury Leslie M, Shaw. who VIII be
the guest OF honor and the principal
speaker
Lewiston evening teller. [volume] (Lewiston, Idaho) 1903-1911, 1907-04-25

y. N. Rlack. Architect. office Rooms
d ard Bee Hive block.
Lewiston evening teller. [volume] (Lewiston, Idaho) 1903-1911, 1907-04-25

Century Printing De. Phsns Black
col. Basement Lewiston Natl. ssnh
Lewiston evening teller. [volume] (Lewiston, Idaho) 1903-1911, 1907-04-25
Magnetic Healer

Rrof =. c. Hagel is diplomatic OF
ehrpe schools: Weltmers Institute OF
sealing. Mo-, American Institute Of
@saonce, Mo-, DR.. l. w. De Laurance
a Chicago. I'll. A student OF Prof.
Mall In Hygiene Of New York and Of
Fowler and Wells Of New York.
M you are sick come to me and 1
wfll do all in my power to help you
evsrcome your trouble in mind and
wsdg.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-06

that made less. Tn law today isA not on'y a profissyon. It's business. made bigger honoraryum last year consolidatin' tn glue inthrests that aftherwards wint into tn hands iv 8 receiver, which Is me, thin Danl Web ster iver thought was in tn goold mines iv tn wurruld. I can't promise to take a case fir ye an hoot me rea- sons fir thinkin' ye'er right into tn ears iv larned judge. Pm a poor speaker. But if iver ye want to do somethin' that ye think ye oughtn't to do, come around to me an I'll show ye how to do it. says he.
 "Tis a grand profissyon An if a mans a lawyer he can be ivrything else. Whin we want man to do amy thing in this counthry firm conductin' war to runnin' polls foorce, we hire a lawyer Nearly all Prisidints have been lawyers. All tn la-ads in tn cabinet are lawyers. Whin an ad- miral comes home firm bravin' tn ter TOTS iv tn seas an tn strange drinks iv foreign lands 'tis to a lawyer he re- ports. Whin gin'ral has commanded our gallant army in tn Ph'lippeens an suffered nanny savage thrust firm tn bolo an tn Springfield Republican, he comes to injye tn greatest honor
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-06

that a soter can injye, tn honor fv re- portin' to tn head iv tn army, a gal lant warryor firm tn Yale Law School. Tn on'y man in tn govermint that ain't lawyer is Tiddy Rosenfelt him. silf. But he gets tn best legal advice there is goin'. He has cabinet iv lawyers, an he consults thim an they tell him he's perfectly right. An 30 he is. F'r what is done today is tn law tomorrow.
 But, annyhow, Hinnissy, don't ye bother ye'er head about what's goin' to happen to ye'er boy. Whativer ts goin' to happen, will happen, ye can bet on that What makes ye think ye can pick out a callin' fir him? Here ye ar-re, goin' on I don't know how old, but ye'er older thin am an can prove it. Ye'er hair has left ye; ye'er brain goes as slowly to wurruk as ye'er feet; whin ye want to read ye have to hook on spectacles that make ye look like diver; ye can stay awake afther ten o'clock at night or asleep afther four in tn mornin' ye can ony remember things that happened yes terday an fortw years ago; if ye re- member anything else it gin'rally isn't thrue. Ye are hangin onto a ledge iv what ye call good health, but
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-06

the house detective, fervently. "You know every time 1 think about that article I just read I feel like l ain't goin to have no appertite for lunch"
 Right you are," said Mr. Mclean. right you are. My old friend, Dr. Wi ley, assisted by my young friend, Upton Sinclair, has done much to cut down the cost of living in this country by discouraging the pernicious human ap- petite. We owe them a good deal, and some day, when I can catch one of them up a quiet alley, and there's bit of scrap iron handy, I'm going to give him my share.
 Larry, passed all through it. For years my idea of tasty breakfast was a sirlion steak about three inches thick smothered in some of Bermuda's favorite product. Then I'd stroll out of the breakfast room breathing airy persiflage among my friends, regular walking edition of De Quince's great work The Confessions of an Onion Eater I'd be feeling satisfied with myself inside and out and I'd look the part. But one fine day Dr. Wiley stepped out of newspaper and took me firmly by the arm.
 ss'My good man. he says, do you realize that you are slowly but surely destroying the only bunch of vital organs you've got to your back? When they're gone where do you suppose you're going to get another set? Speak ing of disgusting things now, where would you guess the stuff you just ate came from?'
 "'Off a cow says, off the aft quar- terdeck of a deceased cow-there or thereabouts.'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-06

what he'll think. But at this minyit Hogan has chartered tn whole coorse iv life fir him. I'll not let him run wild tn way I done says he. He'll profit be me expeeryence,' says he. 'Oho!' says I, tn ashes are goin' to insthruct tn fire how to burn, says I. 'Niver mind says he. I'm goin' to study his pecoolyarities an give him @ shove tn way he seems inclined to go,' says he. As tn twig is bent tn threes inclined,' says he. Well, sir says I, he starts with great advant- ages. Very few childher In me time has had tn binif1t iv tn expeeryence iv a man that be sober industhry, great intelleck an inthrepid courage has rose firm almost nawthin to be h. spector iv gas meters. Has he tipped himsilf off in amy way? Has he given ye amy indication that wud show ye whether ye ought to dig down into tn vast threasury iv ye'er knowledge an larn him boxing, step dancing or thrig- onomethry?' Not yet says he. Some days I think he's goin' to be great musicyaan fir even now he can sing King Wilum Was King Georges Son" so ye can tell 1t apart firm Home, Sweet Home."' He shows a good deal of hunger an thirst says | He does, says he. He sleeps well?' Like a thrain dispatcher He wants his own way? an without raison?' There's no raisoning with him, so niver thry.' Well. thin says I, I can see his future What's that?' says he. He'll be a Hogan says l.
 Be hivens, bachelor that l am an therefore onselfish, onprejudiced an sincere, I wudden't undertake to ad- wise amy young fellow what career he shuld take up. To young lady
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-06
OPINIONS OF THE HOTEL CLERK

happy. But now we know what's com ing to us. The law, you may notice, don't cut the poison out of the vittles. That would be crude and 1t would be expensive, and undoubtedly unconsti- tutional No, what the law does is to kindly indicate the presence of the foreign substances in bold, strong let ters that can readily be detected by turning the can upside down and using a strong magnifying glass. This, of course Is a great boon to humanity, for now when the paroxysms begin to come on you can turn to the back of the Almanac where 1t says ePoisons: Their Anecdotes and see whether your symptoms are running true to form"
 '1t's certainly got me all razzled," ;" said the house detective. T feel squeamish. Less go take somethin' to brace up."
 "Whisky?" inquired the hotel clerk.
 Sure. Why not?" asked the house detective
 Poor deluded creature!" said MT. Mclean. pityingly. T see you only read half the article. Don't you know whisky has been exposed? Whisky, Larry-how I hate the sound even of the hateful name-has been shown to be something like embalming fluid, only stronger, and something like furniture polish, only not so sticky The chemical analysis reveals the fact that when not used as beverage it's fine thing for removing blackheads from the face and taking grease stains out of imported rugs. Would you in- suit your digestion by imbibing three stalwart fingers of a carpet cleaner?"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-06

wants to be a millyonaire nowadays whin there are pleasanter ways iv gettin' into jaail? Watch ye'er boy an see if he shows amy sign iv becomin' capitalist, an if he does, talk long an earnestly with him. Tell him how tn thirst fir money grows on a man; how he begins to be takin' little f'r socyability's sake; thin he finds he can't do without 1t; he frequents tn banks habitchooly; wanst ten thousand dollars wud go to his head; now it takes millyons to affect him; fin'lly he's took up be th' polls an his picture Is in tn gallery marked: 'Habitchool millyonaire,' an he's doln' tn lock step with prlsidints iv railroad com panies an other notoryous malyfac- tors. Don't let tn lad develop into a milyonaire. Stop him now befure 1t Is too late. Don't give him amy money. Ye won't, but don't.
 No, sir, I wudden't know how to advise young man, but I've often thought that if had me life to live over again I'd be lawyer. Iris a noble proflssyon. It's uobler now thin 1t used to be in tn old days whin a lawyer had to go into coort an holler till he was hoorse to arm his fee. In i thin times twas no sinycure, as Ho gan says. If I had throuble with ye ye hurrid off to wan lawyer an to an other, an tn next month we were down in tn coort room hearin' what | tn larned counsel had to say about us No matther how tn judge decided got me moneys worth whin me attor
 ney shook his finger at ye an alluded to tn fact that ye are low-browed ruffyan with squint in ye'er eye. Thin his remarks about me. What good l fellow [ was. how I sacrificed mesill
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-06
o.o.ke~.c.o.o.Ct.<>.<>.<3- .<1.<o.O.O.o.O.0'
ON THE FOOD. WE EAT
'. '. s,.o.o.o.oo.o.o.o-. -.c.o.o.oo-o.o.o.o.o.o.o

Flow about somethin' mixed, them" suggested the house detective; "a drI, martini, say?"
 "Tis no better" explained the hotel clerk, with gloom in his voice. AS shown by the latest exposes in the magazines, the gin in cocktail is but little moro than Christmas card paint, while as for the seeming olives that go with these insidious mixtures which you put in your mouth to steal away your membranes, I hate to tell you, but they're only green persimmons, that have been treated with bleaching com- pound by firm out in Illinois. You might as we'll drink package of Easter egg dyes as a cocktail, Larry"
 "Oh thunder!" said the house de- tective, If you're goin' to be so dad- blamed particular, we'll make 1t lite tie kummel. I know doctors recom- mend kummel."
 Again your profound ignorance as- tounds me-" said the mentor. Every reader of the newspapers knows that kummel is manufactured out of an inferior variety of canary bird seed, thus explaining why, when German takes two glasses of it, he wants 10 fly up on the table and sing hinse t to sleep"
 Well, Great Guns, MT. Mclean said the desperate house detectire, q may cut out the grub, but I'm blamed if I'm goin' to strave mysf want a drink"
 "So do l." said the hotel clerk, brisk ly, as he came out of his onyx al- cove. ''T'll give you a taste, Larry. Here's to good old Poison. drink her down.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-06

Not at all,' he says. not at all. It came out of a dark room. That's where it came from
 "You surprise me- I says. turning slightly pale. You pain me
 "Yes,' he says, a corrupt butcher retired to a recess back of his chemi- cal shop with fire proofed T-bone, a bottle of Hypo No. 2, strand of pro cessed dogmeat, a vial of carmine writ ing fluid, a pinch of isinglass, dash of ammonia and few other things which. If I mentioned them, you'd be i'll, and with these ingredients he de- veloped that there ostensible steak which you have just consumed. The sauce with which you deluged 1t was really the same stuff that Rube-lady uses to varnish a hearth with. You had some green pease on the side, too, didn't you? Yes, thought so-my trained eye detects traces of the color ing matter still on your lower lip. French peas, you say? Yes, lad, so called because the basis of them is Paris green. An, my young friend, be- ware, ere it is too late, beware of the sulphuric sandwich. the fromage de borax and the yellow ochre entree. Or if you must eat them, call your attention to the new labels which We are compelling the manufacturers to place on their preparations.'
 And with that, Larry. he held up before me a can of tomatoes. bearing the following inscription in large let ters: GUARANTEED UNDER THE UNITED STATES PURE FOOD LAW, and under that in clear-cut mod est type almost sixteenth of an inch long. this admissiona
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-06
BY IRWIN s. COBB

<<YT'S gettin' SOL remarked the
 house detective, plaintively,
 l "that purty soon a man won't be safe from pizenin' hissef without he takes to Twin on hard boiled eggs and raw bananners.
 And at that he'll have to do his own peeling to avoid adulteration won't he?" said MT. Alexander Mclean, the hotel clerk. q know what's troubling your vast intellect, Larry. You've been reading up on the subject of the food we eat, and you made the horrifying discovery that you've been fitting up an unhappy stomach as dye shop and cleaning works when all the time you thought the stuff you heaved into that ill-fated system of yours was real pro- visions. The next time you eat typi. cal New York breakfast, which will be tomorrow morning-six bites, one gulp, a choke and nine-inch strip of as sorted hiccoughs-the whole to be washed down with a hurried cataract of water as you take flying leap off the chair, you will probably be seized fin from one to two hours with sharp shooting pains in the vicinity sou by sou'west of the ship cable called a watch chain, which is draped across that, series of terraces, called dia- phragm, which you wear on your front elevation. Will you concede as hereto fore that you have touch of indiges- tion and hurl in few pepsin tablets to quiet the disorderly parties in the middle Hat? You will not. You Mnl
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-06

wud give tn gin'ral instruction: Grab tn first wan that comes along. They're all alike But what wud I say to a young man who come to me to pick
 out a job fir him? There are so nanny jobs in tn wurruld an so few iv thim are worth havin'. Ye have to hunt tn
 good jobs, but tn other kind seize ye whin ye'er off yeer guard an hold ye f'r tn rest iv ye'er life. They're tn
 kind iv office that seeks tn man. Whin I was young fellow I used to think I'd like to be king or an impror, but there's very little future fir a king nowadays, an as f'r an impror he's ayether got to larn tn business iv sellin cotton pants to tn Chinymen, like tn impror iv Germany, or spind his days an nights in a chilled steel safe like tn impror iv Rooshya. wanst wanted to be- millyonaire an clank me goold watch chain to make tn multichood mad at me. But who
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-06
o.c.o.c.c.o.c.c.c.c-c- c.c.f

arrive at the truly distressing conclu- sion that you are being slowly put to death by some of these here deadly and murderous chemicals that never seem to do you any harm until you hear about 'em."
 q won't think it; I'll know It." said the house detective, gloomily, as he fixed his cold professional eye on a sure-thing person who had slipped into chair in the lobby of the St. Reck- less and was trying to look as if he belonged there. "Tll know it good and plenty. It's a terrible thing, I tell you, that them scoundrels that's putting up canned goods and the likes of that should be allowed to doctor up their truck with binzine of soda and bivalves and corpuscles and washin' powders and formaldehyde and all them other unhealthy drugs. Say, MT. Mclean, what is this here formalde- hyde they talk so much about, any way?"
 Tt Is a distant branch of the we'll known family of the same name that was at one time prominent among the old lyin' insurance companies" said MT. Mclean. "The Equitable Hydes have left us. They now reside abroad, where the head, if may use such a term in this case-where the head, James Hazen Hyde, is engaged in the culture of violets and creases. in the pants. But the one you mention, for maldehyde, is still very much in our midst, if you will believe what good old Dr. Wiley, down at Washington, and his able corps of young poison sifters have to say"
 Tn course 1 believe 'em," answered
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-06
o-o.c.cs.c.o.o.o-c.c.csc c.csc.c.c.o.o.o-o.c.c.e.
BY P. P. DUNNE
o.o.O.o.o.o.o-o.O-o.O.o

can do is to see that tn boats made seaworthy aan' is well-provisioned toss out few simple hints an lave it go at that An owner is as much a hoodoo on board as a parson. Ye can tell, Hinnissy, that tn boat is ready to sail an 'tis time f'r him an me to go ashore. We've told tn captain all we know. Fr'm now on he must take his chances an be tn look in his eye guess he's ready"
 /'T'd like to have me own life to live over," said MT. Hennessy.
 T wudden't," said MT. Dooley. 'i wudden't dare"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-06

'' This can contains one-half pint ben zoate of soda, one heaping dessertspoon- full analine dye, one lump of prussia acid the size of a hazelnut, one tomato
 What did you do after that warn- ing?" asked the house detective.
 T took Dr. Wiley's advice. to be sure," said the hotel clerk. Tn the same connection I discovered that fol- lowing Dr. Wiley made me look good deal like his professional brother, pr. Tanner l quote you the menu: For breakfast, one plate of finely chopped lemonade straws dampened with a gill of tepid water that had been boiled four hours and then strained; for lunch, measure of predigested oats and short bran mash; for dinner, some shredded fodder, and compressed air biscuit; and for desert, sterilized prune. After one week had feeling in my stomach like a house for rent and taste in my mouth like a hay and feed store. I had been told, Larry, that such a diet would clear the brain. And so it did I cleared mine so thor oughly that after the second day couldn't seem to notice any brain at all. had all the mental activity of a German carp. So I returned to the imitation provender that had been de- stroying me inch by inch and gained nine pounds in four days"
 "The pure food people is doin' great good makin' them guys label their pollutin, truck with the real facts" ]" insisted the house detective.
 q admit it," said the hotel clerk, cheerfully. Formerly we were kept in innocence and did we'll and stayed
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-06
Mr. D00ley's Philosophy M

that wud seem like bad case iv sick ness to young fellow, an all ye can think iv doin' Is bawlin' instructions to the kids around ye about what they ought to do an say an think an wear. sThere ain't amy good, relible snap In human life,' says Father Kelly. There are A few time honored marks to show where tn greatest dangers are an most hardy sailor men sail as close to thim as they can without gettin' wrecked. If they go too far away they'll find no wind to fill their sails. But no man can chart 1t all out fir amy other man. $ Tn ou'y thing we
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-06
Mr. DOOIey on the Choice of Career

M THROUBLED about son
 Pacly," said MT. Hennessy.
Whats happened to tn poor

Packy" said MT. Hennessy.
 4 What's happened to tn poor child?" asked MT Dooley. Sure it's nawthin' more thin a boyish prank, whativer it is. Has he kilt some wan? F'rgit about it. It's ony his youthful spirits"
 Tt ain't anything like that" said Mir Hennessy. Hes a good boy; but I'm wondhrin' what I'm goin' to make iv him."
 What ye'er goin' to make iv him?" cried MT. Dooley. "Well, niver in me born days did I hear anything tn akel iv that fr cheek. Tn more see iv parents tn more I think they're unfit to have childher to look afther thin. Tn care an affection iv th' young are wasted on thim. They're a selfish, impertinent, meddling, self indulgent class, that's what they are Tn idee iv batthered, barnacled old derlict like ye'ersilf undhertakin' to map a coorse in life f'r a bright in- tilligint boy like Pacbyi I don't see how he puts up with ye'er impydince. I suppose he's good natured. Ye call it respect fir ye'er age an expeeryence. Be hivens I've seen tn day whin I'd punch a man in tn eye f'r showin' me tn kind iy respect youth feels f'r age. Is it respect that makes you help a blind man off car? Go on with ye. Ye can't fool ye'ersilf an ye can't fool tn childher. Ye know an they know that old age is on'y kind iv disease that has but wan endin'. An as f'r yeer expeeryence what more is 1t thin 8 faulty recollection iv tn foolish things ye done? Tn record ain't iv amy value except as a curiosity. Packy will find his own foolish things to do; he'll injye thim while he can, an he'll regret thin whin he must.
 Hogan was in here yesterdah with tn same song. Me son an heir, he calls him. It's all right to be Hogans son, but he'll have to wurruk hard if he's his heir. We'll, sir, this here proj- idly iv Hogan's Is hardly old enough to penethrate tn cunning disguise that Hogan assumes whin he's in tn bosom iv his family. Up to now he thinks Hogan puts on tn appearance iv a deep an thoughtful an gloomy man as a joke, an 'tis highly amusin' to tn offspring. Whin he larns that 'tls seeryous an that Hogan rra-aly ex- poets his family to look up to him as kind iv model, insthructor, guide, Judge an hangman combined, I don't know
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-06
Wieyd Story of Hoh Man
 Reached fhe W0Yth Pole
BY WALTER HARPER.

The north pole has been reached at