The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1907-09-11
MARK rWAIN's- sToalEs.
The Effect They Produced on the After
Dinner Festivities.

The Effect They Produced on the After
Dinner Festivities.
One night at the Hartford Monday
Evening club meeting George. our col
eyed butler. came to me when the sup
per was nearly over. and noticed that
he was pale. Normally his complexion
was clear black and very handsome,
but now 1t had modified to old amber.
He said:
"Mr Clemens. what are we going to
do? There is not cigar In the house
but those old Wheeling long mines.
Can't nobody smoke them but you!
They kill at thirty yards 1t is too
late to telephone-we couldn't get any
cigars out from tewn-what can we
dol Amt 1t best to say nothing and
let on that we didn't think?"
NO" said. that would not be
honest. Petch out the long mines"
which he did.
had just come across those "long
mines" few days or a week before.
hadn't seen a long nine for years.
When was cub pilot on the Mis-
sisslppi In the late fifties had had
great affection for them. because they
were not only-to my miHd-perfect,
but yeu could get Sasketful OF them
for a cent-or dime Thsy didn't usa
cents out there IN those days. So when
l saw them advertised in Hartford
sent for q thousand at once. They
came out TO me in badly battered and
dlSreputabls looking old square paste
board boxes, 200 in a box. George
brought box, which was caved in on
all sides, looking the worst 1t could.
and began to pass them around. The
conversation had been brilliantly AMI
mated up to that moment. but now
frost fell upon the company-that is to
say, not all OF sudden, but the frost
fell upon each man as he took up a
cigar and held 1t poised in the alr-und
there, in the middle, his sentence broke
off. That kind of thing went on all
around the table until when George
had completed his crime the whole
place was full of a thick solemnlty and
silence.
Those men began to light. the cigars.
Rev. DR.. Parker was the first man to
light. He took three or four heroic
whlffs, then gave it up. He got up
with the remark that he had to go to
the bedside of a sick parishioner. He
started out Rev. DR.. Burton was the
next man. He took only one Whit
and followed Parker. He furnished
pretext, and you could see by the
sound of his voice that he didn't think
much of the pretext and was vexed
with Parker for getting in ahead with
fictitious ailing client Rev. Mr..
Twlchell followed and said he had to
go now because he must take the mid
night train for Boston. Boston was
the first place that occurred to him,
suppose.
1t was only a quarter to II when
they began to distribute pretexts. At
ten minutes to II all those people were
out of the house. When nobody was
left but George and me. was cheer
full. had no compunctions of con.
science. ne griefs Of any kind. But
George was beyond speech because he
held the honor and credit of the family
above his own, and he was ashamed
that this smlrch had been put upon 1t.
told him to go to bed and try to sleep
1t off. went to bed myself. At break
fast in the morning when George was
passing cup Of coffee / saw It trem-
ble in his hand. knew by that sign
that there was something on his mind.
He brought the cup to me and asked
lmpressively:
"Mr. Clemens, how far is It from the
front door to the upper gateT
said, at is a hundred and twenty
i've steps"
he said, "Mr. Clemens. you can start
at the front door, and you can go
plumb to the upper gate and tread on
one Of them cigars every time"
1t wasn't true in detail, but in essen
tials 1t was.-Mark Twaln's Autobiog-
raphy in North American Review.