The Washington herald., 1907-09-08

ried queer sort of wife. Talking
about war. too. It only goes TO show
what domestic troubles viii do fer
man. He says that the Japs are going
to make Us trade them the Philippines
for Honolulu. and that we need three
or four fleets 10 see they don't get
the best of the trade. That's more
taxes, / suppose. though you know
very well, JOB shrew. you haven't
paid last months water bills yet. /
can't see no good of Tieet About
the only time We ever hear OF II is
when something explodes, or the Presi-
dent wants 10 60 down 10 Panama
and shovel coal on the way. I should
think it would be cheaper for Congress
10 let him have a yacht. wouldn't you?
can't understand quite about this
Hobson man and what he wants Of a
war. He's been a hero once-why
don't he give some one else a chance?
Don't sit there going TO sleep. Job. but
rub. Laws, how my back aches!
You tell me that I'don't know any
thing about politics. but I know that
Mr. Foraker's going to run for mayor
Of Cleveland and Mr. Thompson. or
Johnson, or something Ike that, is
going 10 run against him on account
Of TAFT lis ali about the Scent
car fare, I hear, and the Presidents
for it, because after his term is over
and he can't ride on a pass no more
he'll have 10 pay his fare just Ike the
rest Of us. II seems TO nc that SEN
ator Tillman's kinder mixed up in II
somehow, but I jest can't remember.
i do know. though. that Mr.. Bryan
has started speaking and that he warns
as that Mr.. Hearst is going TO run for
the Presidency again. / can't see how
that young mans money holds out the
way it does. I suppose now that Mr..
Hearst'H make a speech telling Us that
Bryan is going to run again. He and
Beveridge have been having a good
long talk in that Western magazine.
haven't they? 1t must have done
them both good, There's nothing so
satisfying as a long talk
1 can't see why they're ali making
so much fuss about the soldiers de-
serting from the army. We amt a.
fighting nobody. and 1 can't see. for
one, what we need a parcel of sol
diers in uniform for All they do is
TO sweep out the barracks and clean
their shoes and fire off a lot of bullets.
II they want 10 know what's .he mat
ter with the army they'd better look
In the want columns of the daily
papeN and see how hard it is to get
hired girls. The girls just won't
sweep out rooms and make beds and
clean shoes and wash. dishes. an1 that's
just what they want the soldiers to
Go. There isn't private in the army
that couldn't make more money if
he'd put on skirts and hire out as a
parlor-maid. They don't want war
riors nowadays, they want walters:
not men. but menials; they ought to
arm them with feather busters and
whisk brooms; there's many Of them
know more about a lawn mower than
they do about a gatlin' gun. Soldiers!
why. Nasoy Berritt's son enlisted
after they'd told him he had to go 20
work or go to the workhouse. and ne
come back to Shelbyville all in new
cakey uniform, dull yellow color,
with CATERS around his ankles and a
strap under his chin. Everybody
thought he looked real nice, though.
and he began to go with that Paisley
girl, the one who f1irted so much with
the day clerk at the Occidental Hotel
and she was real taken with him. She
asked him how many men he'd killed
and ne had TO tell her he hadn't
killed none yet. Then she asked. him
what made his hands so callous-like
and by n by she found out that It was
handling broom sweeping out his
captains bedroom. He gave her all
the buttons of his uniform, but even
then she didn't think he was much Of
soldier, though he did have to go
back to the barracks with his trousers
hung up with safety-pin, because
she wanted them buttons to make a
belt of. No wonder they desert.
would, tool
Tired OF rubbing, Job? Wisht
you'd keep on a while I'm real com,
Portable and I've enjoyed this talk.
Misery's going out of my back. Is
that Emily a-erying? Emily Emily!
Be quiet in there. Can't your poor
mother be sick without being dis
turbed? Job! Job! No, you're not
sleepy. Suppose you are. When you
was bad with the shingles didn't I
paint you with ioderform. or iodide,
or something like that-that stuff that
made you all brown-and now you
can't keep awake when I'm sick.
That's just like a mani"