The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-08-19
(New York SUM-

N~~~
outdoors one day around the front
door Of his saloon.
For an interval the party continued
to eat their tobacco in silence, waiting
for such further remarks as the
speaker might see fit to offer. AS he
continued smoking peacefully as one
VINO has freed his mind, Joe Bassett
asked question
''Touchin' this here race suicide" he
said, what sort of a fish is it? l
ha1nt herd o none on EN- bein'
eatehed in these here waters. Do ii ey
roost high night times, or kin you ride
EN- bareback? Be they good to cat,
or on'y fit FIR paintin' wagons?"
Old man Greenhut looked at MIN with
some surprise and much dignity.
Yore ignorance, joe" he said, Sc
Verely, sure is amazin'. Race suicide
amt no different I'm any other sui
eide, on'y you run a race for it, some
like a donkey race to a county fair.
The one't comes in last wins the prize.
The last one 1 seen was managed
fine. There was three undesirable
citizens in Greenville what had been
told many times for to go Jump in the
river t they got sort of in the notion
of it, on'y they wouldn't none on EN-
go first.
L reasoned with 'em all, but 'twan't
no use, an finally the citizens got to-
gether an greed fer to have a race
suicide, When the three on 'em was
notified they kicked some, but they
was give consid able red liquor an
was made to see t was FIR the good O.
the community, an after they'd had
more liquor they started.
They had a hundred-yard run to the
Or loo o. h ~
was to have another bottle o. whisky
afore jumpin' in. There was some
curiosity about what'd happen, be1n'
as we knowed they'd all want to be
last.
They started off fine, an the hull
town was there to see they run fair.
None on Sem 'peared to be desprit hur-
rfed about gettin' there first, but they
got to the edge of the water in toIabIe
good time, all together Then they
looked at each other an all of a sud-
den Sol Harpiton and Pete Kinkhead
pushed Billy Mush overheard an then
tackled each other
They had a fine wrestlin' match
fr about ten minutes an there was
consid' able bettin' done by them t
was lookin' on, but Pete Kinkhead
finally throwed Sol in the river an we
give him the extry bottle. BY the
time he'd finished that he said he
reckoned he'd ruther drown nor 10
drink any more o. that, an over he
went. Pears like some O. tn sur
plus population o. this here COM
munity mOught be utilized that way
thouten any danger to the town"
"Oh, I don't know" said Owen PEP
per coming around the corner with
considerable more briskness than
seemed fitting on so hot a day. 'I
don't know. What was. you talking
boys" he continued In the same
breath, without apparently caring
whether he was answered or not.
His invitation to drink, however,
was held to have the parliamentary
potency Of a motion to adjourn, and
old man Greenhut led the way 10 the
bar. When the ceremonies were con-
cluded Mr.. Pepper said again: what
was you talking about ?'' and old man
Greenleaf explained.
Looks like it'd be a excellent thing
FIR Arkansas City" he said, ito have
some o them race suicides right here.
We cd get shut O. some monstrous en-
desirable citizens an pervide innoaent
entertainment f'r the public to the
same time"
"Oh, l didn't know" said Mr.. owen
Pepper. What's the matter With
draw poker?"
There amt nothin' the matter with
draw poker" responded the old man.
with quick Indignation. But what's
that got to do with race suicide? Draw
poker don't get rid O. nobody
It's more like fertilizer. Makes a
good man better an undesirable citi-
zen wuss, count O. goin' broke, same
as fertilizer makes the crops an
the weeds both grow. Have to do your
weedin' just the same"
"Oh, I don't know" said Mr.. Pennar
Draw poker'll do that, sometimes. I
knoWed a family O. Bambergs over in
tennessee, nigh where 1 was raised.
Rich. Had a thousand niggers af1re
the war.
'Bein' as they want none on 'em
great spenders they was considera bile
loose change in the house when the
niggers was freed, an when tn old
man come to die, twenty year ago. he
left gfght about quarter OF million. an
a will.
This here will was some p'cooliar.
Inc old man appinted one o. his
cronies. name O. Totmugger, trustee a.
tn whole shootin' match. an he was
to hold it till one O. the two sons died
an then give all t was left to the one
that didn't die. But up to that he was
10 give either on 'em any money that
'peared to be reasonable.
Sim an Jim Bamberg was the two
sons, an they was all t was left a.
the family. Pears they hated each
other right bitter, an they went to
nghtin III the courts right away.
BOTH on EN- claimed t 'tother one
had ought for to been disinherited. but
they both lost, an then, hatin' each
other Ike they did, they set to work to
get away with the hull estate. so 4
there wouldn't be nothin' left when
either one on 'em died.
Feared neither one on 'en stopped
to think t he mought be left hisself if
his brother died first, but they was
both he'll bent cr spendin' all the
money so s 'twhen he died 'tother one
wouldn't get nothing.
We'll, Sim d go to old man Totmug-
ger an brace him FIR money, an get II
He wouldn't arays get all he went
after, but old Totmugger was toPable
liberal, an bein' as the will p'vided fr
anything t 'peared to be reasonable.
he'd mostly give Sim what he asst for.
Then Jim would go FIR his haul. an
get all he could, an next day Sim ID go
back, an so on. Things was some live
ly.
"Bimeby old Totmugger begin to
think the boy was unreasonable. an
they both on 'em come to me to know