davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
Why JimmY Didn't Sit Down.

The woman who had shopped until
the closing gong had sounded stood at
the transfer station and awaited the
suburban trolley.
what" she YEARLY asked herself.
"does IT profit a woman If she gain
the elusive bargain and loses every
trace of physical freshnessY
Presently the car came along. 1t
had the usual crowd Of humanity, and
the woman reSignedly prepared to
stand, when a grlmy youth arose and
rendered her his place. Protesting
family, she sank into It guiltily and
registered a vow never to shop over
time again.
In due time several seats were vacat
ed. and the woman looked hopefully
toward her knight
Jimmy" friend Of his was saying
there's room inside now. Why don't
you sit DOWN.
And the last drop Of discomfort was
added to the woman's cup Of humilia-
ton when Jimmy responded:
"Aw. what's the use! No sooner III
get ne legs stretched when another
tired old hen will get on and III have
to hop upw-New York Times.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
SIX O'clock Folk.

How many of our readers know what
q &c o'clock man" is? Miss Spurgeon.
one of the lecturers in English at Bed
ford college, Baker street, has a coun'
try cottage and an old "Ralph's mill
in the middle OF WestletOn heath, Sax
mundham. The other day a non-Suf-
folk lady told her that her gardener
wife had often said. I'VE are q O'Clock
people" and she had taken 1t to mean
"early risers." But soon after some
one said that this lady's husband was
"a @ o'clock gentleman" and as she
knew that he didn't get up early she
asked what the epithet meant and
was told, Upright. like the hands OF
the clock are at 6 o'clock" Another
use of the word in Suffolk is seen II
'Tiving upright'-that is, on independ
ent ns.-Westmlnster Gazette.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
What is Pztrictisr2

What Is patriotism? Is ii narrow
affection for the spot where a man
was born? Are the very clods where
we tread entitled to this ardent prefer
ence because they are greenerE NO
sir This Is not the character OF the
virtue. and it scars higher for Its oo'
iect. Ii is an extended self love, min
Cling with all the enjoyments OF lie
AID twisting itself with the minutes'
fIlaments Of the heart. 1t is thus we
obey the laws Of society, because they
are the laws Of virtue. In their au-
thority we see not the array OF torce
and terror. but the venerable image
of our country's honor. Every good
citizen makes that honor his own and
cherishes it rot only as precious. Drt
as sacred. lie is willing to risk ht'
life I'm its defense and is conscious that
he gains protection while he gives 1t
Fisher Ames.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
The lnvcntion Of Soinnina.

The inve ntion OF the art Of spinning
was ascrlted by the ancients to Miner
va. the goddess Of wisdom. The date
1900 3. c.. IS given as that Of the be-
ginning Of the AT in Greece, under
the direction of the king of Arcadia.
but pictured Inscriptions on Egyptian
monuments show that the use OF the
spindle and diata1' was known in that
country mich cariie,. The first distaf
was simply = stick. around which the
fiber to be spun wss loosely coiled.
held IN the left hand; the spindle was
4 sort of OF set in motion by twiri
Of the han =. III Der passing between
Tie finger ~ thTl ID OF the right hand.
This !nYe, in IS improved upon in
tie COURSE II Tin by placing the spin
die IN frame md making II revolve
by meci-anica. action Cf the hand or
foot In com aCtirn with wheel or
treadle. thus giving the true spinning
wheel. The first recorded use Of this
was In tie early years Of the sixteenth
century. but 1t was probably made and
used long before this. The first spin
ming jenny. Il machine working eight
spindles. was invented in 1861.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01

Not many gene cations ago mermaids
and mermen were believed IN implicit
". Says the Aoerd en- Almanac OF
New PrOgnOst' t'cctions For the Year
1885: "To cC.cluCc for this year 1858.
Near the place where the famous Dee
payeth his tribute 10 the German
ocean. If curious observers Of wonder
ful things in nature will be pleased
thither to resort the l, 13 and 20 OF
May and In divers other times IN the
ensuing summer, as also IN the harvest
time, TO the : and IA October, they
win undoubtedly see a pretty company
Of mar maSls. creatures OF admirable
beauty and likewise hear their charm
ing sweet melOdious voices
o1n well tun'd measures and harmonious
lays.
Extol th ,ir maker and HIS bocnty praise
That gotly honest men. In everything,
In quiet peace may 1--we, God save the
king
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
Reautv Of Inequality,

The beauty as we'll as the happiness
Of the universe requires inequality
EQUAL lines, smooth surfaces and eter
nal plains have no beauty. We must
have hill and dale. mountain and val
ley, sea and land. suns Of all magni
tudes, worlds of all sizes, minds OF all
dimensions and persons and faces OF
divers casts and colors to constitute q
beautiful and happy world. We must
have sexes, conditions and circum
stances-empires, nations and families
-diversities in person. mind, manners
In order to the communication and re
ception OF happiness; hence our nu-
merous and various wants are not only
incentives to action, but sources OF
pleasure. both simple and complex
physical. intellectual and moral.-Alex-
ander Campbell.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
ltali.n re !: rd =or Animals.

On t.- Occas.j.rl was :. passenger
On one cf the La steamers which ply
between Dcscazano nd Riya. 1t was
day e. wild wind .nd driving storm.
At Salo | peasant OF peculiarly tru-
culent {. pc came on board, cad IN the
shaggy cloak of the district and bear
Ing n vast blue umb-e-h 10 less indig-
enOus. With him, too, he brought his
donkey. Nov even italian steamers
do not KNOWN IL admi. quadrupeds OF
this size t0 the shelter Of the fore
eabin. though possibly II they did no
great harm would lie done or senti-
ment violated. The beast. therefore,
was tethered on the open deck and
thus became exposed 10 the fury or
wind and weather. not - mention the
wave. A British pcasa@ would prob
ably have accepted the situation and
let him bide Not so the Lombard.
Hastily divesting himself Of bis ample
overcoat, he spread IL carefully o"er
the lower animals back and, unfurl-
ing his voluminous umbrella, held that
patiently over the asinine head-and
his own-all the way to Riya. Now
here. surely. was a good man, merci-
full TO his beast.-LondOn Times.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
Tears and Joy.

Under the title Tears Of joy
George Friederiel writes to a Berlin
paper that the custom Of weeping and
bowling on all occasions OF great Joy
was general among the early inhaDit-
ants of America" AMI that IN many
tribes visited by him In South America
the approved form Of welcome was
still 10 weep. Tears Of welcome. he
says. are also shed by the natives o.
the Caribbean Islands al 10y tne
Sioux. Algonquins all c;Aer North
American Indians. From 81 thai
have seen. ! Judge that IA times past
tears and Joy were inseparabIe ana
that the emotion which civilized peo-
ple now display at parting was enc"
the expression Of hearty welcome.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
Two Waya of Looking at II.

There Is a young artist in Washing
ton who classes himself rs Of the Inn
pressionlstlc school and who, being
somewhat out in drawing, generally
makes up for his lack of technique by
spreading color recklessly and count
ing on distance for his effect.
At an amateur exhibition he once
hung one OF his most extraordinary
performances.
We'll" said a friend whom the art
ist had taken to see the work, 81 don't
want to fatter you, old chap, but that
Is far and away the best stuff you
have ever done. | congratulate you"
Much pleased, the artist was receiv-
Ing the compliment with becoming
modesty when he chanced again to
glance at the picture and turned very
red. The committee had hung 1t up
side down.
Hurrying to the head OF the commit
tee, he was about to launch into loud
complaint when he was Informed OF
the good news that an hour before the
picture had been sold for SCI. The
original price mark had been SID
Llpplncott's Magazine.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
Cappinc Verses.


On going into the rooms Of one OF fis
friends who was absent Dr. Manse
saw on the table the opening lines Of 9
poem in the following lofty style:
The suns perpendicular heat
Ulumincd tHe depths II The sea.
Taking up n pen. he completed th'
stanza in the following witty way:
The fishes. beginning 20 sweat,
Cried, Hang H. how hot we shall be!
Dr. Watson. reeius professor of dI
vlnity, had at one time been tutor o.
Trinity. and when he was made bishoi
of Llandaf an honest publican II
Cambridge. who kept an inn called The
Bishop B,aise. ont OF respect 10 DR.
Watson changed his sign and replace,
the head OF Bishop Blaise by that 0.
Bishop Watson. This transfer drew
from Mansci. who PROBABLY had some
grudge against the late tutor, the fol
lowing epigram:
Two Of q trade can ne'er agree
No TrOv-b ere was juster.
They've ta'cn down Blaise. you see,
And put up Bishop Buster
LONDON Chronicle.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
Pats DRAINS.

A physician not long ago was calico
to see an Irishman and among other
directions told him to take an ounce
Of whisky three times day. A day OF
so later he made another visit and
found the man, while not 80 sick, un
denlably drunk.
How did this happen% the physi
clan demanded of Pats wife, who was
lowering about solicitously.
"Sure, dochter, an it's just what you
ordered an no more that he had," she
protested.
ct said one ounce Of whisky three
times a day. That could not make hin
drunk" the physician said. HE has
had much more than that"
"Nivur a drop more, dochter, dear
she declared. "Sure, an Oh didn't
know Just how much an ounce was, sc
Oh wint to the drug store an asked
an the lad-he's broth Of boy, too
told me that an ounce was sixteen
drains, an Pat has had thin regular
an no more."-London Tit-Bits.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
French BIS.

The number Of phr; ,'e' Of the class
called bulls" to he 10 nj IN polite
works are not all the Droiuc- OF the
Irish brain.
A move! that was crowned by the
French academy as possessed Ot uh-
usual merit contained a sentence OF
which the following is translau9n:
1t was midnight. y man VINE lay
in ambush listened 10 their converse
ton. but suddenly asdense. dark ciSE'd
passed in front Of the noon ana PEE
vented him from caring more
Another phrase. written In down
right seriousness by a master OF
French criticism, runs something Ike
this:
"It was one Of II oSe duels in when
one of the blades literally buries itseii
in the heart of the cther.'-Alinneapo
lis Journal.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
Heavinu the Log.

Heaving the log is one Of those pic
turesque sea expressions with which
all landsmen are acquainted, though
probably few could explain the exac'
process. The LOG Is a quadrant snap
ed piece of wood loaded with lead al
the curve. The line to which 1t is at
tached is 12O fathOms long and is di
yided by knots into equal distances oi
forty feet each. These distances
are the scyan fraction OF a nautical
mile IN lno0 as twer weight seconds
Is Of one hour. Conse Hently the mum
Der Of knots that slip off the reel II
twenty-elglt seconds after the log Is
in the water is the speed per hour tha
the ship is making.-St. James Ga
Zette.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
The Wrong Goldsmith.

"a friend of mine.' said a politica
orator, "was once q good deal annoyed
while addressing a meeting by mar
In the front row who howled like o
dog. At every telling point In my
friends argument this man would emit
frightful howls and spoil the effect.
"My friend asked the name Of the
man and was told that it was Harry
Loft. Then he said In q loud voice:
"'Mr. Loft, 1t is plain that our friend
Goldsmith had you in mind when he
said:
THE watchdog's voice that bayed the
whispering wind.
And the loud Lon that spoke the vacant
mind
"He said that, did her cried LOT
furiously, and he turned and struck
little fat man behind him hard blow
over the head.
'It was only after a FIVE minutes
scrimmage and much profane abuse
that Mr.. Loft was convinced that the
Goldsmith referred to was the long
dead poet and not the little fat man OF
the same name"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
Helpless!

A city man had friend in from a
north country farm on a bush ess mat
ter the other day. and they lun "hed to-
pethe. at a restaurant The Cork man
ate his meal entirely with his knie'
When ne was near the end he discov-
cred than he had 10 fork.
Look tcre.' he said to the city man
..that wilter didn't give me Il f)rK.
well. rou don't need one. replieu
the city masc seriously.
The dcuc- 1 don't came troni 'he
farmer. -swiS am going to stir my
coffee yrith?-- london opinion.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
Their LITTLE Surprise.

They were elopers, and the stern par
ent was supposed 10 he in pursuit
But he wasn't. On The contrary, a teie-
gram awaited them at the next town.
lis II forgiveness?" asked the ag1tated
youth as he handed It TO the angelic
one. She read /. through and purs'
into tears. Then the startled youth
took II and read it aloud. Your moth
er and offer congratulations. Your
hasty action meCts with our approval
We can now curry out plan that we
have long contemplated and that was
DELAYED only tecause We had you WITH
ux. In other words. we are aooui 'o
meak up housekeeping and go INTO
ffazr'-Argonaut
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
M,ds n Complete.

When I.ablache, the famous operatie
singer was presented to Queen VIC
toria her majesty, who had heard OF
tbe artists hobby. asked II ii was true
that he had a large collection OF snufl-
boxes. He replied that it was correct
He had one for every day in the year
-S6j.
Nevertheless, your collection is noe
quite complete" was the queens re-
sponse. "Here Is another for leap
year"-Pearson's Weekly.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
Retrocressive.

Extracts from Miss Evergreen's dia-
ry:
This is my eighth birthday. A new
brother came. His name VIII be Fritz
Fritz is twenty years old today, just
q year younger than l. People always
take us for twins.
Fritz viii be thirty years old tomor-
row. his wedding day. How the time
does fly. OF course he is eight years
my senior and used TO carry NE about
when | was a baby; still 1t seems
strange TO think Of the boy getting
married. ."-F'llegende Blatter.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
R,ckvardness Of the First Families.

BackWardness OF tne FiTSt Tah"''SS'
While without doubt the courtesy OF
street car conductors and minor city
employees isn't all that 1t might be.
the public is hardly justified In de
manding Cbesterfelds and Brummels
on wages Of 50 a day. Many years
ago an indignant citizen complained to
old Mayor Quincy of Boston that the
street sweepers were an ungentleman.
ly lot.
81 know it, know it," acknowledg'
ed the old gentleman sadly. 1--WE tried
to induce the members of the first
families Of Commonwealth avenue tc
handle the brooms, but they won't dc
it."-Woman's Home Companion.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
Where the Horse Bit George.

"Now. please show me the spot where
the horse bit George Washington" was
the astonishing request made by a
country visitor of his host, downtown
publisher. The latter had escorted him
about and shown him the statehouse,
the Liberty bell, Carpenters hall, old
Christ church, the grave Of Benjamin
Franklin and the site Of the house In
which jefferson wrote the Declaration
Of Independence. The publisher had
never heard of the spot where the
horse bit the Father Of His Country,
but. equal to the emergency, he took
his guest to Washington square and
said that Il was In one of the corners
Of that space (Which one he did not
know that the horse did the biting in
commendatiOn of which event the
SQUARE was named after the general.
The gentleman from Down Yonder
Somewhere was fully satisfied and has
gone home full OF good. ready made
history to tell his nelghbors. 1t would
be interesting to ascertain the Identity
Of the wag who sprung this one
on George Observation-Disclosures
Record
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
The Iast OF the PLAQUES.

One by one the plaques of Egypt are
Being abolished by science. The frogs
were abolis he'd long ago by the drain
tile. The feas are checked by insect
powder, and the darkness that could
be felt has melted away before the arc
light. The sixth plague still remains
In fun glory. The fly Is always with
us. The great DR.. Radcliffe used TO
declare that the three worst annoy
ances Of life were smoke. flies and ir-
relevant questions Weekly.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
His Poetic Imagination.

Doesn't the delay at the telephone
annoy you:"
NO" said the slow spoken person
Il kind OF like silence and solitude
and | never feel more alone than | dt
with the receiver Mt my ear and nC
sound save that Of low sad voice
now and then in the dark distance thai
sighs. Waiting. "-Mashington Star.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
rha .Isuai OF Forgiveness.

Nothing is more. moving to man tnsi'
the spectacle OF reconciliation. GU
weaknesses are thus Undermined Az
are not too costly, being the price V
nav for the hour of forgiveness. ami
the archangel who has never felt anger
has reason to envy the man who SUB
dues II. When thou forglvest. the
man who has pierced thy heart stands
70 thee In the re'ation Of the sea worm
that perforates the Shell of the aausse'
which straightway closes the >wouno
With a pearl.-Riehter.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
Nh Kraw Al About Il.

Little Mary's father had been teach
ing her to walk properly. Walk slow
Is and turn out your toes" he admon-
ished her.
While she was undergoing this teach
ing she attended Sunday school one
day. The golden text was. Teach nc
to walk honestly" After rerItinG II
several times the teacher asked:
"E'ho knows what that means?
Il do" replied little Mary. "WalS
slowly ana turn out your toes
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
Wanted 70 Be Posted.

Restaurant Patron-I see that you
have Oh the bill OF fare assorted pies.
Waiter-Yes sir. Restaurant Pdron7-
Well. the last time was here l found
a nail In a piece of pie. and the time
before it was q collar button. What
kind of an assortment have you go'
his time?-Exchange
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
rbs Mixiudoed Turk.

The rural Turk at home. when not
coaded into violence by bis corrupt
rulers. Is the very antipodes OF the
monster OF popular imagination IN
England. His domestic virtues are at
least equal to those OF any western
population. He Is honest Industrious.
patient, gentle and Of fine natural man.
ners.-London Tines.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
Tha Harder Labor.

"What did you get the rubber gloves
forY" they asked her as she passed
them around TO show how handsome
they were. "You have girl, haven't
you? You don't have to. wash the
dishes"
mo" she answered, 81 don't have to
wash the dishes, but while she Is
washing the dishes l oil the fioors."-
New York Press.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01

''Do you knew who that old man is
talking 10 our hostess" asked Mrs-
BlCnt:erer OF the hady sitting beside
her.
TLat." answered 1he woman cod
". ~ my son."
"oa." gasped Mrs Blunderer IN con
fusic- hes 4 good deal older tnan
Won is he not?"-Lsppincotts.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
What It Costs to Feel and Think

What 1t Costs 10 reel ana lnlnN'
Every throb Of pleasure costs some
thing 10 the physical system. and tw,
throbs cost twice as much as one. /.
we cannot fix a precise equivalent j
Is not because the relation IS not def
mite. but from the difficulties Of reduc
ing degrees Of pleasure 10 a recognized
standard. OF this, however. there can
be no reasonable doubt-namely. that q
large amount Of pleasure supposes u
correspondingly large expenditure OF
blood and nerve tissue. to the stinting.
perhaps. OF the active energies and the
intellectual processes. 1t is matter
OF practical moment TO ascertain what
pleasures cost least. for there are
thrifty and unthrifty modes Of spend
Ing our brain and hearts blood. One
Of the safest Of delights. If not very
acute, is the delight Of Astounding
physical vigor. for, from the very sup
position. the supply 10 the brain Is not
such as to interfere with the general
interests of the system.-Alexander
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
Concentration.

Tho servant-professor there Is
thief la tn dining rcOm. The Astroh-
omer deep in calcuiatiou)-Tell nm
Pm too bu. to see him!-Translatei
For Transit antic Tales From II Motto
per Ridere.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
Not Guilty.

Employer Ito lis clerk)-Is it true
that when the clock strikes @ you put
down your pen ana go, even il you are
in the middle of word? Clerk-Cer
tainly not. sir. II ii gets so near 9 as
that never begin the word at ALL
Rire
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01

T understand I'm France nne IL
imposed wher a train is late
"Do you 'letevc they fine the tram
"As to that can't say. | kis W tney
ALWAYS dock the boats St LOUIS
Republic
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
Fancy Work.

"Mrs. Foliansbee tells me that she is
studying Chaucer," said Mrs. Oldcas-
tie.
"Indeedg- replied her hostess. she
always was crazy over fancy work. -
Chicago Record Herald.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01

Briggs-H,dson seems to be nappy
Criggs-Yes: he has little money. bu'
he possesses q philosophical tempera
nent and sinsie tastes. Briggs see
He Is indepen Eatly pcor.-,Judge.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
When Rexnard Goes Hunting.

Those who have tried wild fowl
shooting know how difficult a matter
it is TO approach within range without
disturbing the birds. The fox's only
weapon is his mouth. and the range
l. necessarily short, but for reynard
II proves all sufficient. His knowledge
of the habits Of his victims prompts
him TO a suitable lurking place among
the withered rushes In clump Sc
lec'e ed to hide the contour Of his form
ard 10 match the color Of his coat as
far as possible. Lurking there, almost
wholly Immersed in water II need be.
he waits his opportunity and seizes it
Well may his cunning be proverbial'
for there Is no animal or bird on which
he preys that can battle his pursuit.
Even the prickly armOr Of the hedge
hog proves an inadequate protection
when the fox requires his presence In
his Iarder. His larder! What a larder
1t is! The thought of it. the smell OF IT,
savors OF whole army of tragedies
London Tit-Bits.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
An Old liner.

at guess that Tom over there Is prct'
ty Old remarked the Young Tomcaf.
81 should say" replied the other.
"yhy. he claim that once in bis youth
be actually saw a bootjack. ck."-ihilar
delphia Press. -
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01
Lust a Hint.

Chapleigh-I say, druggist. can you
-aw-give ne something to-aw-
bwl-hten me up, doncher know? Drug
gist-You're in the wrong place. young
man. This is n drug store. not 4 night
school.-Chicago News.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-11-01

"What do you think OF this idea OF
having dogs for caddiesw asked the
old golfer.
"Tt's a good idea" replied the begin
ner. ..The dogs can't laugh az your
London Standard.