davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Dolores star., 1907-11-22
FOUR SHAFTS OF HuMoR.
Pithy Remarks from One Of the Fore
most Jokesmiths.

With the truly artistic tempera-
ment the bird In the bush has scant
notion Of doubling its value by chang
ing to the hand.
A has-been Is a man who has spent
his time with hair vigors, electric
brushes and newspaper recipes, when
he should have been winning a laurel
wreath to cover his ignominy with.
When you enter a shop state Just
what you want. For then the mer-
chant can go intelligently to work to
sell you something else. The great
law of commerce Is to sell people
what they don't want. What they do
want will sell itself
But, probably 1t is no harder to live
up to your reputation when you are
young than 1t will be to live it down
when you are older.-Puck.
The Dolores star., 1907-11-22
SCHOOL TEACHERS
Also Have Thing. to Learn.

For many years have used coffee
and refused to be convinced Of its bad
effect upon the human system" writes
q veteran school teacher.
"Ten years ago l was obliged to give
up my much loved work in the public
schools after years of continuous Ia
bor 1 had developed well defined
case of chronic coffee poisoning.
"The troubles were constipation.
flutterings of the heart, a humping
in the top Of my head and various
parts Of my body. twitching of my
limbs, shaking OF my head, and, at
times after exertion, a general gone
feeling with toper's desire for very
strong coffee. ! was a nervous wreck
for years.
"A short time ago friends came to
visit us and they brought package of
Postum with them, and urged me to
try it. was prejudiced because some
years ago l had drunk cup of weak,
tasteless stun called Postum which I
did not like at all.
This time, however, my friend
made the Postum according to direc-
lions on the package, and it won me.
Suddenly l found myself improving in
a most decided fashion.
THE odor of boiling coffee no long
er tempts me. / am SO greatly bene-
fited by Postum that IL continue to
improve as I am now, I'll begin to
think have found the Fountain Of
Perpetual Youth. This is no fancy
letter but stubborn facts which / am
glad to make known"
Name given by Postum Co., Battle
Greek, Mich. Read the book, THE Road
to wellville," in pkgs. @There's Rea-
son.
The Dolores star., 1907-11-22
ITCHING RASH 10 YEARS.
olrfs Rash Spread and Grew Worss
Under Specialists care-Psrfsct
Cure by Cutieura Remedies.

When my daughter was q baby she
had a breaking out behind the ears.
The doctor said that she would out.
grow 1t. and 1t did get somewhat bet.
ter until she was about fifteen yeara
old. and after that she could get moth.
Ing that would drive 1t away. She was
always applying something in the way
OF salves. 1t troubled her behind the
knees, opposite the elbows. back OF
the neck and ears. under the chin. and
then 1t got on the face. That was
about three years ago. She took treat.
ment with a specialist and seemed to
get worse all the time. We were then
advised to try the Cuticura Remedies.
and now don't see any breaking out.
N. Curley. 11-19 Sixteenth St. Bay
City, Mich, May 20. 1906"
The Dolores star., 1907-11-22
FREE TO our READERS.

Write Murine Eye Remedy Co., Chi
cago for 4S-page Illustrated Eye Book
and If this paper is mentioned they
will send you Free Bottle Murine for
Your Eyes. Write all about Your Eye
Trouble and their Oculists will advise
as to the proper Application Of the
Murine Eye Remedies in Your Special
Case. Your Druggist will tell you that
Murine Cures Eyes. Makes Weak
Eyes Strong. Doesn't Smart. Soothes
Eye Pain. Aids those Wearing
Glasses and Sells for SOC.
The Dolores star., 1907-11-22
couIdnx n,.eh.rs. ,sIu

When the jury had filed In for 1t
lsast the fourth time. with NO sign Of
en0ng to an agreement in the bribery
cee4 the dissusted Judge rose up and
sd: I discharge this jury"
AZ this. one sensitive talesman,
seung to the quick by this abrupt and
ntsonnding decision. obstinately faced
the Judge.
You can't discharge me. judge!" be
retorted.
why not!" asked the astonished
judge.
Because." announced the talesman,
pointing to the defendants lawyer,
I'm being paid by that man there!"-
Lippincott's.
The Dolores star., 1907-11-22
DOCTORS IN GRAND JURY NET.
Two Indicted In Iowa for Conspiracy
to Force an Independent Physi-
clan from a Surgical Case.

Waverly, lathe Bremner county
grand jury. which a few weeks ago
indicted fourteen members of the coun-
ty medical association, alleging VIOLA
tion of the antitrust law, recently re-
ported additional indictments against
DR.. w. A. Rohlf and DR.. o. L. ChafYee
on the general ground Of conspiracy.
Their alleged offense was of forcing
an Independent doctor from a surgi-
cal case, in which he as we'll as one Of
the accused doctors had been en-
ployed. after he had refused to sign
the union scale.
The Dolores star., 1907-11-22
Missed M. Vocation,

Reginald de Koven, the composer.
tells Of a grocer and a druggist who at
tended a Wagner concert. AS the pro-
gram did not please them they began
talking on music in general and on
Wagner in particular.
Another example Of the fact that
every man wants to do something
out Of his line" said the druggist.
That's all right" assented the gro
Ger. Nov, I'm grocer. but I've al
ways wanted to be a banker"
You'd probably fail" added the
druggist. Look at me. I'm a success
as druggist, yet I've always wanted
to write book. This man Wagner
tries his hand at music. Just listen
to it. And yet we all know he builds
good parlor cars!"-Success.
The Dolores star., 1907-11-22

''A'' OF Gges: Ga.S; e.an cou11a 9' 1oI.Do' 81.
FRANK j. CMKHRY mAkee oath that he 10 senior
partner of the nrm Of +. J. CHRNEY 8 Co., doing
business in the City Of Toledo. County and stats
aforesaid, and that said nrm will pay the sum Of
ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS for each and every
case Of CArARRa that cannot bs cured By the Of
Halls CATAnRH CunK.
FRANK J. CHENEY
Sworn to before and subscribed In my presence
this sth day Of December. A. D., 1885.
,..lt @aIDn. sorA.1 rs...o.
Halis Catarrh Cure 10 taken internally and acts
directly on the blood and mucous surfaces OF the
system. Send for testimonials. free.
r. J. CHENEY Co., Toledo, O.
Sold BY all Druggists, 15c.
Take Hairs Family Pills for constipation.
The Dolores star., 1907-11-22
Troublesome Growth.

Does the child ever keep still a
minute?" asked the woman as the
youngster sprawled noisily over the
couch in dozen squirming positions
at once, it seemed to her.
NO" answered his mother. "They
are growing when they do that, they
say"
viii you please ask him to stop
growing" implored the woman, "just
for this week while he is visiting me?"
The Dolores star., 1907-11-22
Taft at viadivostok.

Vladivostok.-Secret Taft came
ashore twice Monday, drove through
the city and did some shopping. He
was accompanied by an escort of Rus
sian troops. At night the secretary
dined with General Pfiugg, the COM
mander OF the forces. The healths of
President Roosevelt and Emperor
Nicholas were drunk.
The Dolores star., 1907-11-22
oIstioctIeo ana pIMer,wee.

In Dean Ramsay's book Of anecdotes
there 10 one which refers to . conver-
sation between . Scotch minister and
. sexton. The minister was . stranger
to the gravemaker. and discussed With
him the doctrines Of the neighboring
clergy. An one after another was men,
toned the sexton wagged his head
gloomily. and said: Hes NO sound" ."
At last the minister-who was . long
winded and rather empty preacher
mentioned his own name. and In
Quired: Ar. - now, isn't he
sound!" 100. ave." said the sexton,
with q twinkle In his eye. Hes q
sound"
The Dolores star., 1907-11-22

the urine. Ny wife and I have both
used Doan's Kidney Pills for what doc
tors diagnosed as advanced kidney
troubles, and both Of NJ have been
completely cured"
Sold by all dealers. 80 cents q box.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. 7.
The Dolores star., 1907-11-22
Huahe. Would Run.

New York.-In address at Cooper
Union President Schnrman of Cornell
University, discussed Governor Hughes
as presidential possibility. and de-
clared that while Mr.. Hughes would
not lift a finger to secure the nomina-
tion" II "the people summon him to
service. he would. respond with loyal
devotion to their CALL"
The Dolores star., 1907-11-22

Associate with men Of good judg-
ment; for Judgment is found In con-
versation. And we make another mans
Judgment ours by frequenting his COM
pany.-Fuller.
The Dolores star., 1907-11-22
Not caretaker's Fault.

In answer to a complaint made by
the town council of Camborne, Eng.
land. that the caretaker of the recrea-
ton ground had allowed the grass to
grow to an inconvenient height, that
ofncer replied that the donkey which
had formerly eaten the grass had died
OF lockjaw and he had been unable to
buy another one to take its place.
The Dolores star., 1907-11-22
"soeIety Of one.Leaoed Men,

The president of the Society OF
One-Legged Men" has arrived in
Paris accompanied by another "uni-
1ambist." They had walked from
Marseilles. distance Of nearly 500
miles. and, in spite Of their infirmity,
they averaged over IL miles a day.
The Dolores star., 1907-11-22

. pioneer Of Colo
radO. now living At
31S East Nebraska
Street. Blair, Neb.
says: II had such
pains In my back
for 4 long time that
I could mot turn
In bed. and At times
there was IN almost
total gtoppage of
The Dolores star., 1907-11-22
AsthmatIcs, Read This.

II you are aflicted with Asthma
write me at once and learn of some
thing for which you will be grateful
the rest of your life. Rev. ]. R. RAIDER.
822 Broadway, Denver, Colo.
The Dolores star., 1907-11-22
VETERAN or THREE Wars.
a PIenssr ss Colorado md Melr.sssa.

Matthias Campbell. veteran Of tie
civil war and two Indian wars, and
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1907-04-24
THAW. JURY SCANDAL
JEROME HEARS THAT ONE JUROR
WAS APPROACHED"
HE STARTS AN INQUIRY
Policeman Said to Have Talked with
tho Man During the Trial.
Question Of Counsel
Unsettled.

New York. - It was announced
Thursday that the district attorney
had begun the investigation of a re-
port that one of the jurors in the re-
cent trial of Harry X. Thaw had been
approached" by a policeman before
the trial closed.
Henry c. Brearly, one of the iur-
ors had an interview with District
Attorney Jerome late in the day at
Mr.. Jerome's Office. Later it was an
nounced that several other of the
Thaw jurors would be asked to come
to the district attorneys office Friday
and tell of anything they know of tho
report in question.
It was reported that a policeman
talked with juror on one of the
walks the jury took from the criminal
courts building to the Broadway Cen
trail hotel.
1t became definitely known Thurs
day that the question Of counsel for
Harry Thaw has not been permanent
ly settled. The publication of a
letter sent by Thaw to Hartridge &
Peabody Wednesday in which he in
formed the firm that they would con.
tinue as counsel of record, was gen.
orally accepted as disposing of that
phase of the case for the present at
least. However, Clifford w. Hart
ridge gave out formal statement
in which he said the supposition that
he is senior counsel was absolutely
unwarranted. He said that at the
present time there is no senior coun-
sci in the Thaw case This state
ment was given out at Thaw's re-
quest, it is said, after a heated inter-
view in the Tombs between the pris-
oner, Mr.. Peabody and Daniel
O'Reilly.
Pittsburg, Pa-Mrs. William Thaw,
mother of Harry X. Thaw, accom-
panied by her daughter, the countess
of Yarmouth and Josiah G. Thaw, a
half brother of the prisoner, arrived
here Thursday night from New York.
The Thaws left the train at the East
Liberty station of the Pennsylvania
railroad and were Immediately driven
to ''Lyndhurst," the family home Ef-
forts to interview the family were I'M
successful. 1t is said Mrs. Thaw will
remain here for ten days.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1907-04-24
Shooting Scrape.

Hibbing-A shooting affair which
narrowly missed being murder took
place here when Joe Conkovitch, 26
years old, is alleged to have fired a
shot which wounded a man whose
name could not be learned, and who
is now in the hospital seriously
wounded
The shooting is said to have been
the result Of an alteration which took
place between Conkovitch and the
stranger. in which the former got the
worst Of it and took refuge in flight.
He secured a revolver and returning,
is alleged to have fired point blank
at the stranger. The bullet struck
him in the forehead, but instead Of
piercing his skull glanced off after
making a serious wound.
Conkovitch is under arrest He de-
MES the shooting.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1907-04-24

St. Paul, April 17-Gov. John A..
Johnson had his salary raised by the
senate today from $1,000 a year to
$1,000. The senate did the kindly
deed by passing the house bill provid-
ing for this increase. The measure
is now up to his excellency for sigma
ture or if he does not sign it it will
become law any how in three days.
The bill secured Al affirmative votes,
and but 2 against it, Senators Ander-
son and Wright. Senator Wright
warned the senate that this was a
great session for making salary in
creases, and that to pass this bill
was simply making campaign matter
for the democrats two years from
now but his fellow members couldn't
hear him. Senator Clague offered
amendments to the bill to raise the
salaries of the state auditor, treasurer
and secretary of state to $4,000, but
withdrew the amendments on obiec.
ton by Senator J. F. Calhoun OF
Minneapolis.
This was the event of the day in the
senate. In the house it was the kill
ing of the state fair bill. The bill
provided for issuance of certificates
of indebtedness to the amount OF
$250,000 for new fair buildings, the
certificates to be eventually paid off
through profits of the fair. The bill
was introduced some time ago by
Morse of Slayton, following the de-
feat of the 81, 100000 exposition bill.
The Morse bill secured but 38 affirma-
tive votes, and So against it. The
state fair management will now not
get cent outside of whatever sum
may be allotted to it by the appro-
priaticns committees in the general
omnibus bill. Such an allowance will
simply be for general expenses and
will permit of no new buildings or en-.
largements. The house took a recess
before voting on the bill to hear an
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1907-04-24
Earth Swallows Team

Winona-Clark G. Corey, who lives
in Wiscoy Valley. a dozen miles from
this city, lost d valuable team Of work
horses in a peculiar manner this week.
the earth literally opening up ana
swallowing them. Mr.. Corey's hired
man was at work in the field with &
three-horse team, when suddenly the
animals broke through into a hide n
sink hole, dropping into a, deep cavity
The top horse was pulled out alive
but the other two We're dead before
they could be rescued. In the early
days when the land was first being
broken sink holes We're found fire.
quently, but now it is very seldom
that one is discovered. especially in
an old field such as this was.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1907-04-24
UNION PACIFIC BEATEN.
Allowances to Peavy Elevators De-
clared Unlawful Rebates.

Washlngton.-In what is known as
the Peavy elevator case, the inter-
state commerce commission Thursday
announced it's decision against the
Union Pacific Railroad company. The
commission holds that the arrange
ment between the Union Pacific and
the Peavy elevators was unlawful, as
the allowance was in excess of the
actual cost of the elevation of the
grain, and, therefore, a rebate.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1907-04-24
SHORTAGE IN THE U. OF W.
Rumor Of 100000 Discrepancy in tho
University's Accounts.

Madison, VISA startling report
that discrepancy of $500, 600 exists in
the accounts Of the University of Wis
consin was circulated at the capitol
Thursday. President Van Hise said
that there was absolutely no suspicion
of any misappropriation of funds, but
admitted that there had been failure
properly to charge up certain invest
ments to their proper accounts.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1907-04-24
Gets $4,000 for Arm.

ST. Paula verdict of $4,000, the
largest amount ever awarded in Min
nesota, it is said, for the loss of an
arm, was given by a district
court jury to George E. Stiles in his
suit against the Northern Pacific rail-
way and Walter Henricks. He sued
for 100000.
Stiles, a brakeman employed by the
Northern Pacific. was on a freight
train last September that broke in
two" at Detroit. MINI. He went be-
tween the separated cars to adjust the
air brake apparatus. He had signaled
Engineer Henricks not to move the
main part Of the train until the adj
justment had been made. But the en-
gineer backed up too quickly and
Stiles right arm was so severely
crushed that it had to be amputatee'
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1907-04-24
Found Dead.

Rochester-The infant child of Mrs
Elizabeth Campbell was found dead in
it's bed. The child had not been i'll
and apparently had been in the best
Of health. 1t had been put to bed in
the afternoon for it's regular nap
Later, when a caller arrived and
wanted to see the child. the mother
went to the bedroom and to her horror
found that her baby was dead. The
coroner was notified and DR.. F. r.
Mosse made careful examina ton.
but could find no cause for the sudde n
demise. but it is thought it was due
to a hemorrhage.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1907-04-24
MRS M'LEAN is REELECTED,
Again Made Head Of Daughters o
American Revolution.

Washington.--Whi the vote of the
continental congress for national Off
GERS Of the Daughters of the American
Revolution will probably not be an
nounced until Friday, it is freely ID
mitted by both factions that Mrs.
David Mclean has beer reelected as
president general of the society. Mrs.
McLean's supporters claim that the
entire administration ticket will be
elected by an overwhelming ma
1ority.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1907-04-24
Average Telephone Calls.

The leading telephone company OF
the United States has 5000 Offices and
exchanges, operates 4,671,03S miles, of
wire, has nearly 10000 employees and
100000 subscribers. At the end of
the year 1905 the average number of
calls amounted to 11,149.063. The av-
erage number of calls per day per sub
scriber was a trifle over six
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1907-04-24
NEWS NOTES,

Grand Meadow.-An enthusiastic
meeting was held in this village to
listen to the remarks of William Pey-
ton Mason. secretary and general man.
ager of the Dan Patch Air Line" re-
lative to the route in their vicinity.
About 200 farmers were present.
Faribault-Bert Ellis was seriously
injured while assisting in moving a
house in this city. Something had
stopped the rollers and Mr.. Ellis
crawled under the house to investigate
and fix the roller, when the house
slipped from the roller and fell to the
ground, crushing him severely A
heavy beam partly protected him from
a fatal accident.
Minneapolis-The forestry commits
sion has purchased nine pounds Of
white pine seed and two pounds of
pitch pine seed which will be planted
in the nursery at the Pillsbury re-
serve The seed cost $11 and will yield
100000 trees, about eighty years be-
ing required to bring the trees to a.
marketable growth, which is a diam
eter of from twelve to fifteen inches
breast high.
Alderman unknown man was run
over and probably fatally injured by a
Milwaukee freight train here. The
man. who was about forty-five years
old, had been about the village for sew
eral days. Both legs were cut off be-
low the knees and although he is still
alive, there is small hope for his re-
covery.
Preston.-Dr. G. A. Love was elected
mayor by a majority of 20 over his
opponent, DR.. J. S. Phillips This will
be DR.. Loves fifth consecutive term.
Adrian.-Joseph OHearn, of Ellis
worth, attempted suicide by cutting his
throat with a razor, but will recover.
He had been drinking heavily.
Faribault.-Dr. II. A. La Moure, one
Of the resident physicians Of the Min
nesota school for the feeble minded
has been elected as the superintendent
of the state school for the feeble
minded of North Dakota at Grafton.
MISUNDERSTANDING a letter of
dismissal from the sweetheart he had
left in the old country. Herman de
Koning a Hollander % years old, COM
mitted suicide by shooting himself in
the heart.
nneapolis.-Judse James Oscar
Pierce, one of the oldest and best
known lawyers in Minneapolis, died
at Hotel Buena Vista, Mound, Lake
tNinnetonka. !. .s...#.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1907-04-24
British Red lane

The only expense of the parish
council of Queen Camel, Somerset
shire (England) village, for a recent
year was Is I'd for check book. Yet
the account had to be taken to Win
canton, eight miles away, to be audit
ed, thus necessitating a IS stamp, u
Sd for hire of conveyance and q
mans time for more than half a day.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1907-04-24
Petrifed in Grave.

st. Cloud.-The body of Mrs. j. J.
Salfinger, buried in the Melrose GEM
etery in 1900, was exhumed and buried
in another lot The men making the
disinterment, finding the box and cas-
ket decayed, expected to find nothing
but the skeleton to remove, when, tc
their surprise, they found a well-pre-
served body Upon touching it they
discovered it had turned to stone The
body was of an ashy gray color. as
rigid as rock and nearly as heavy
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1907-04-24
Little Ones PRAYER.

Mary always gets little piece of
candy every day to keep her from be-
ing naughty. One day she was
naughty, and she did not get her
candy. That night when she was 60
Ing to bed she said her prayers as fol-
lows: Our Father, who art in heaven,
please give me my daily candy"
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1907-04-24
Many Were Hurt.

st. Paul.-The accident report of the
labor commissioner for March shows
the number of injuries to be the heav-
lest in six months, the number be-
ing 102, while the nearest approach
to this record was 10l in October,
1906.
While the March list of accidents is
a long one, most of the injuries sus-
tanned were Of a minor nature, only
two fatal injuries being reported. The
rest were small cuts, burns, bruises,
and so on. and as usual the large per-
centage of accidents occurred in the
"a ilroad shops
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1907-04-24
Doe Balks Pursuers.

Duluth.-After knocking out one OF
it's pursuers with a blow on the solar
plexus, a young doe which made its
appearance in the western part Of West
Duluth, made it's escape to the woods
unframed.
The appearance of the animal caused
much excitement, and a crowd of men
and boys started in pursuit Near the
Asbury church the animal became en-
tangled in wire fence. Lee McNulty
who was one of the foremost Of the
pusuers put out his hand to grasp the
animal when it butted him in the solar
plexus, knocking him insensible It's
effort to put McNulty out enabled the
deer to free itself from the meshes of
the wire, and it soon out-footed it's
nurSnarS