The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-09-29

Did I ever tell you about how 1 first
stepped into full growth?" asked Red
Saunders. mo? Well, thank your luck
for the past, and put your faith in me
for the future. We've got lots of time,
nothing better to do, and l feel just
like relatin history. When a man tells
about the days of his youth or that
dog he once had, said man amt Amin
at gettin' rid of it quick. Nay, fair
friend, he wants to roll it under his
tongue; to let her ripple forth in sec
lions between smokes, because, for one
thing, he's got TO manufacture it. But,
Of course, what 1 tell is strictly true
you may have my word for 1t. Like
Bud Simpson and the bank cashier,
- want one thousand dollars said
Bud. The cashier, he laughs the 'ha-
har of the man that knows and says
on what?'
Ion my word says Bud.
What's your word? SCOTS that
sneerin' cashier.
My word is that this gun goes off,
if 1 don't get it, says Bud
A soft answer turneth away wrath,
says the cashier, taxa da mon,' so
what I say is true, because I'm larger
than you are. Bud paid back the mon
ey, and maybe there's a streak of facts
in my little game of talk.
''Wen, it started with two ladies'
everything starts with one or more Ia
dies. In the little, white painted New
England town that's going to proudly
claim the honor of being my birthplace
some day there lived Miss Mehitabel
Demilt and Miss Mary Ann McCracken,
besides some other folks. Miss Mehita-
bel was the quietest, kindest little old
maid mouse of a woman you ever did
hHUN An. q
a full-rigged pirate ship with dark
cloud Of trouble in the offing. She had
a bass voice and a hand like a hired
man.
Miss MehitabeI taught Sunday
school, and put lots of faith in man in
spite of the neglect that was obvious
in her title. Miss McCracken, she
drove a milk wagon because she had
no faith in man whatsoever, and she
was a scoffer from ScOffersburg.
Miss Mehitabel was Kitty to the
village, but 1 never heard of anybody
calling Miss McCracken anything but
Mary Ann-if you'd seen her glarin' out
of them iron specks of hers, her gray
hair standin' straight up, and her
mouth drawed across her face like a
fence wire. you'd b. realize Mary Ann
wasn't playful in her habits. More n
that she was the only human being I
ever met who did just exactly what she
sweet!y pleased, without regard to age,
sex. place or reason.
Once a misguided man broke into
her house because It was rumored
around that the old lady was a miser
with a stocking full of wealth. And she
got him. When the mournful hired man
arrived there was two hundred pounds
of Mary Ann sitting on the thief's back
with one gentle hand lovingly coiled
in his hair. You Peter says Mary Ann,
git me a bed Stat
That feller'n kill you. if I don't
help, said the mournful man.
Z" Want me to let go of him and take
holt of your she says. Git me a bed
slatr So the mournful man cantered
out and brought a bed STAT
Now, says Mary Ann, you will
come a Dustin into peoples houses, will
sEou? Well, 'whack," I'll "whack'
yteach you "whack" that that "whack.
Awhack, whack," amt manners. Then
came a sound like a pack Of firecrack-
ers.
Now says the old lady, you trav-
ell And that thief wasn't a man that
had to be asked twice
You sh'd "a had i'm arrested says
the mournful man, but Mary Ann
raised the slat, and the discussion was
closed.
Miss Kitty dressed to represent
about sixteen. She had ribbons and
streamers f1oatin' free, but a kinder nor
better woman never lived Them young
clothes stood for all she dreamt of.
Give the dreams the go-by and the race