davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06
Helped the Mayor Out.

An imposing cemetery was about to
be opened in a western town. The
mayor, who had charge of the laying
out Of the grounds, was puzzled for
an appropriate inscription to put over
the gate. Riding along in his automo-
bile n day, he was cogitating over
different holy texts, so he explained
his difficulty to his chauffeur. "What
would you suggest?" he asked.
I'VE have come to stay" was the
prompt reply.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06
Emancipated the Mule.

Emaneipated the Mule.
When the mule cars in Jacksonville.
Fla, were replaced with modern cleo
tries. an old time darby watched the
first car go by with a great deal Of in
terest.
"Um-m-pah, dem Yankees sho is
cuyus folks" he unused. "Fus' dey
cum down var en- 'mancipate de mig
ger, den dey cum down en- 'mancipate
de mule"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06
"A Devil Of a Show"

\ Massachusetts town recently in
stalled a trolley system. Pedestrians
among the visiting rural population
still come to a standstill when the
Ears go by.
One countryman was watching til"
crowd on board. whirled up the hill
and dashed by. He asked 4 bystander
where it came from.
Dow by the depot was the repl.
"Gosher:nitr,'th mus hev give he"
devil # n shuv".' he exclaimed.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06
One Of Whittier's Admirers.

An admircr Of Whittier's works was
granted an interview and talked in
cessantly for oyer an hour. In speak
ing of the patiently endured infection
to a friend the poet paused for a mo-
ment and then added, with the sug-
gestion Of a smile, "And all the time
he called me whitaker"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06
The Educated Flea.

1t was at a banquet. A rule had
been agreed upon to the effect that
every person called upon for a toast
must respond with speech. song or
story. AS a last number on the i'm
provised programme, a retiring sort
of chap was called upon to do his
part.
IL can't make Il sp-speech,' he
stammered, ''b-but I heard that fleas
could be trained to do tricks, and
some time ago l tried to train one
Would you care to see him?'
\. place was cleared off in the center
Of the snowy tablecloth, and in the
middle the owner set the small pillbox
he had taken from his vest pocket.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06
Where She Should Live.

where She should Live.
"What under the sum- asked a ia
Their of his daughter who wanted her
to make a match with a young a
whose only qualification vas the pos
session of a goodly fortune-"what
earthly objection a you possibly find
to Mr.. Spriggins?"
"He has habits" replied the daugh-
ter, (which I detest! When l marry l
want a husband who does not smoke,
chew. drink, swear, belong to clubs.
play cards, stay gu late or go motor
ing by himself"
The father looked at his daughter
for a moment or two in silence and
then said:
"My child, you are but a stranger
here; heaven is your home"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06
Bad Thinq.

"That woman seems to be growing
old"
"Yes, she has got It,"
"Got what?"
"The habit"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06
No Time For Conundrums.

During the war a teamster with the
Cumberland army got stuck in the
mud and let fly a stream Of profane
epithets. A chaplain passing at the
time was greatly shocked.
my friend" said he, do you know
who died for %sinners?"
Damn your conundrums! Don't you
See I'm stuck in the mud?"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06
Detailed For Baptism.

At the beginning of the civil war
Colonel Brown and Colonel Smith We're
raising regiments in Wisconsin. One
day Colonel Smiths chaplain paid a
visit to Colonel Brown. On leaving he
stated that the cause of religion was
prospecting in Colonel Smiths regiment;
that no longer ago than the last Sab
bath day he baptized ten Of Colonel
Smiths men.
mel Brown. "make a detail of fifteen
me- to go and be baptized. I'll be
blamed if I allow Colonel Smiths regi-
ment to get ahead Of mine In point of
religion"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06
PERT PARAGRAPHS.

It Is easier to feed a mans vanity
than his stomach and generally just as
profitable.
The hatred Of work is the beginning
Of slavery.
Knowing how to make people chart
table Is having much wisdcm.
A dollar goes a long way before 1t
leave some pockets.
Nobody is particularly fond Of the
world unless he has a sort Of sneaking
notion that the world IS fond of him.
Some people make a virtue of neces-
silly, while others make virtue a neces-
sity.
He who deals gently with the faults
OF others mitigates his own.
Little tin gods take themselves seri-
ouSly enough to be Jovc-like in dimen-
sions.
The man has a trained mind who Is
able TO forget what and when i"
wishes.
Maybe some men don't know a lot,
but they don't know it.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06
Different Type.

Different Type.
'"That fellow appears to be a mere
hgurehead aboard this craft"
Eyes, but that other fellow Is a rapid
hustler"
"What's he?"
"He's second hand to the first
watch"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06
I B. LONG & co.,
Opposite Park Hotel,
Great Falls, Nom

Our speciality is buying sheer
on orders for II customers. II
you have any for sale for deliv.
cry in the spring, or after shear.
ing, write us giving description
and price.
We make no charges.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06
A G

A TRAGEDY,
That's him thar on his coffin in the cart,
An that's his wife a-creepin'
In the crowd, way of. an weepin'.
Oh. the law Is jest a-breakin' of her
heart!
That's him thar on the scafol'. See! He
speaks.
Thar's a woman thar a-holdin'
OF the hands they'll soon be foldin',
An the tears is Jest a-rainin' down her
cheeks.
That's him thai in the conin, lynn low,
An the woman-first to Low him
An the last to bend above him
10 his mother-but I reckon you would
know. Frank L. Stanton.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06
NEW Q STORIES
A Eocrneranr Joke.

"On our return trip to New York on
the Minnetonka." sal Il Cll:"a-oan,
some one told Mari: Twain on a
rough, windy morning that he looked
seasick.
"'I'm not seaSick.' said the hulnOr-
list.
"'You look it, the other persisted.
Then Mark Twain laughed his
short, gruff laugh and told us all a
story.
HE began by saying that it never
paid, either in jest or earnest, to tell
people that they did not look we'll.
HE said there was a practical joker
in a certain New York Office. This
young nan put up a practical joke on
the bookkeeper. a quiet, steady, serious
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06
He Could Find It.

"Even you can find no fault with
Mrs. Brown. She's altogether charm
ing"
II admit it, but
"But WHAT"
"Don't you think perfection a little
bit m~OnOtOnOuS?"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06
Chanoo Climate

Change Climate
on Them.
"They can't
get rid of mos
Quitoes at III
Panama canal"
THAT ought to
be easy"
How would
you SuggeSt!
dig Tho ca
nal ut the north
pole"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06
Wanted to Be Obliaina.

A lady visitor, wishing to be polite
to the little son of her host at table.
said:
What a pretty dimple you have,
Benny"
"You think that's a pretty dimple?'
said the boy. Mamma, can I show
the lady the II on my stomach:'-
Ladies' Home Journal.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06

Rather Approves.
She'll not say he Is silly
Nor at his name demur
II he is. willy nilly,
Just silly over her.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06
!: - The ~
Scrap Book
How the Old Man Spelled II,

Look here. Charley said one young
collegian to another who had been
asked to run his eye over a letter which
his friend had written to his father
in which there was the inevitable re-
quest for money. you've spelled jug
g-u-g!"
Il Know" said Charley, but, you
see, l need the cash and don't want
the old man to think I'm putting on
airs. That's how he spells it."
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06

Removing the lid Of the box t..
trainer called out:
Jump out. Henry" Henry jumpc!
out.
"play dead. Henry" Henry played
dead to perfection.
Lie down and roll over. Henry
Henry did so.
jump backward. Henry" I!cr--
obeyed.
Jump forward, Henry! Henry
jumped forward with such enthusiasm
that lie landed upon Il of the ladies.
Quite q search was necessary before
Henry could be recovered from the
lady's clothing. but finally the black
mite was retaken and set in his &C.
customed place.
Jump through there. Henryw Hen
~ didn't move
Henry. I say. jump through there"
Still nothing doing.
"Henry. jump through there, I tell
you!" Still the most abandoned dis
obedience.
The flea trainer bent low above his
pet and looked at him a moment in
tently. Then Strengthening up, with
a look Of relief on his face he said to
the woman from whom the flea had
been taken:
II beg your pardon, madam, but
that's not my enry."-Lippincott's.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06

Jsnny's Problem.
A little girl stood at her mothers
knee and from the expression of her
face was evidently evolving some knot
ty problem.
"What Is 1t, jenny" asked the
mother.
Mamma" said the child seriously.
If I grow up and marry, shall 1 have
a husband like papa"
Eyes, dear. l hope So"
There was a long pause. Then the
youngster asked:
"And If I don't marry, shall l grow
up to be like Aunt Susan?"
II hope So"
Then the little girl put her hands to
her head and said in a tone of despair,
"Well. l am in a fix"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06
FRY & Allen, Fort Benton
HIRAM F.. SMITH.

Cattle branded on
right ribs.
Horses same brand
on right shoulder.
Vent for cattle and
horses, same brand
on right hip.
I, o. address
Whitlssh, Mont
rong in brand book Q
The Colorado statesman., 1907-03-23
DRINKS POISON
WOMAN SWALLOWS STRYcHNINE
WHILE OUT WITH HUSBAND.
UNACC0UNTABLE TRAGEDY
on Street of Ouray, and Never
Regains Consciousness.

Ouray, Colo.-While walking along
the main street with her husband, and
unknown to him, Mrs Michael Collins,
well known young woman and prom
inent church worker, swallowed a
quantity Of strychnine, dying few
hours latel at the home of a friend.
She walked nearly a block after TAX
ing the drug, it is said, and then fell
in faint. The cause of her act is not
known.
Doctor Rowan, who attended the wo-
man, has signed the death certificate,
and it is probable that no inquest will
be held. Although several persons
have reported that they saw the wo-
man take the poison, the coroner is
investigating that she had been talk
ing medicine containing strychnine
and that an overdose caused death.
The husband is grief-stricken and
unable TO account for the action Of his
wife. He says their life was always
happy, cut numerous rumors are in
circulation to the effect that they had
rounds the case inasmuch as the Off
cials have been unable as yet to find
the bottle which contained the drug,
or discover where it was purchased.
Mrs. Collins made no statement fur
ther than to say that she had swal-
lowed poison. 1t was on Seventh ave-
nue. where the drug was supposed to
have bean taken, and on reaching Sec
ond stree. the woman complained,
reeled and fell to the sidewalk. Sup
posing that she had merely tainted,
Collins ran to the home of Peter
Schneider, where the woman's mother
was at the time, and summoned help.
With the assistance of Schneider,
Mrs. Collins was carried to the house
and the doctor called. He applied
stimulan.s, and recovering conscious
ness for Z moment, she said, Il took
strychnine." gasped, and died.
Mrs. Collins was the daughter of
Mrs. Louis Hohl, and was born in
Ouray. Her foster father was for
years in the grocery business in this
city, but recently sold out and is now
living on a ranch in the north end of
the county. The family is among the
most prominent here.
The Colorado statesman., 1907-03-23
No More Treating in. Arizona.

Proenix, Aria bill prohibiting
treating" putting stop to one per-
sons buying drink for another, un-
der penalty of a misdemeanor, has
been introduced in the Council by
O'Neil of Maricopa. The local option
bill, introduced by Blakely, providing
that a majority vote only is necessary,
instead of two-thirds vote. as hereto
fore, to wipe out saloons in any COM
munity, was passed by a vote of eight
to four, but his prohibition measure
was killed by the same vote. The ju-
venile court bill, providing that chill
dren under twelve years of age who
are incorfigible, shall pass under a
period Of probation before being COM
mitted to the reform school, was also
passed. Only ten days more remain of
the session.
The Colorado statesman., 1907-03-23
"ooc storkv Gets Letter.

New York.-When Secretary Lough.
man of the Park Board opened his let
ters to-day, he found this, addressed in
childish handwriting to "Mr. Storll,
Central Park, New York City:
23 Pingree avenue, Detroit, Mich
Dear Mr.. Stork: Please bring Frances
Stevens baby boy-a white baby.
Do YOU bring the clothes too?
FRANCES STEVENS.
P. 81 like you, Mr.. Stork.
Mr.. Loughman answered the letter
as follows:
Dear Little Friend: We are all out
of babies at the present time. We ex-
pect new lot in soon. and will not for
get you. You will have to furnish the
clothes, yourself.
WALTER LOUGHMAN.
The Colorado statesman., 1907-03-23

M Won VnnuJ DIR. DAMERON has reduced his
OO - Ou NuOV prices for all Dental Work?
of Teeth for $780, $40 Sets for $500; SIS Sets for
$40; Gold Crowns only $500 Gold Teeth, $4O0; Silver
Gold and Platna, 81 Painless Ex-
tracing. ALBANY DENTAL PARLORS,
Arapahoe street, Opp the p o. DIR. CAMERON, Prop
The Colorado statesman., 1907-03-23
Remarked in Eight Days.

Pueblo, Colo.-Wedded eight days
after securing divorce is the record
of Mrs. Nina Herring, who was mar
ried in Ration, New Mexico, to R. l..
Frazier member of the Pueblo Fire
Department. Mrs. Herring was granted
a divorce in the County Court March
Sth from William T. Herring on the
grounds of desertion and non-support,
and while she was relating her story
to the jury, Frazier was preparing to
take his intended bride to New Mex
leo, where they could be married.
The Colorado statesman., 1907-03-23
STATE OF CoLoRADo,l
insurance Department
SfNOPSIS OF STATEMENT AND
COPY OF CERTIFICATE OF
AUTHORITY.

,t9.uaIuIHn Fire INSURANCE Company OF
Pennsylvania
The Colorado statesman., 1907-03-23
STATE OF COLORADO,
insurance Department
eek EnIItlCATE OF AUTHORITY FOR
THE YEAR ENDING FEBRUARY
% 1gQI

20, 1908
once OF Superintendent of Insurance,
Denver. Colo, March 1, 1907.
II IS hereby certified that the Guar
dian FIRE Insurance Company of Pitts
burg, a corporation organized under the
laws OF the state of Pennsylvania
wnose principal office is located at
Plttsburg. has complied with all the
laws OF this state so far as the require
ments of said laws are applicable to
SAID company. and the said company is
tereby authorized to transact business
as q hre insurance company within the
sald state of Colorado, subject to the
several provisions and requirements of
the sad laws, until the twenty-ninth
Gay OF February, in the year of our
LORD, nineteen hundred and eight
IN testimony whereof, /. George d.
Statler. superintendent of insurance of
SAID state of Colorado, have hereunto
set my hand and affixed my seal of
offiee at the city of Denver. the day
and year first above written.
GEORGE ID. STATLER,
tSeal) superintendent of Insurance
E. E. RITTENHOUSE.
Published in the Colorado Statesma n
by authority of superintendent of in
surance
GEORGE ID. STATLER,
Superintendent.
E. E. R1TTENHOUSE,
Deputy.
The Colorado statesman., 1907-03-23
STATE OF COLORADO
Insurance Department
SYNOPSIS OF STATEMENT AND
COPY OF CERTIFICATE OF
STATE OF COLORADO,
Insurance Department.
CERTIFlCATE OF AUTHORITY Fol
THE YEAR ENDING FEBRUARY

Insurance Department.
CERTIFICATE OF AUTHORITY FOR
THE YEAR ENDING FEBRUARY
Office of Superintendent of Insurance,
Denver. Colo. March l. 1907. (
1t is hereby certified that the st. Paul
Mutual Hail and Cyclone Company of
ST Paul. corporation organized un-
der the laws of the state of Minnesota,
whose principal office is located at St.
Paul. has complied with all the laws of
this state so far the requirements of
said laws are applicable to said COM
pany, and the said company is hereby
authorized to transact business as an
assessment insurance company within
the said state of Colorado, subject to
the several provisions and require
ments of the said laws, until the
twenty-ninth day of February. in the
year of our Lord, nineteen hundred and
eight.
In testimony whereof. /, George D..
Statler. superintendent of insurance of
said state of Colorado. have hereunto
set my hand and affixed my seal of
office, at the city of Denver, the day
and year first above written.
GEORGE ID. STATLER.
(SeaD Superintendent of Insurance.
+. E. RITTENHOUSE,
Deputy.
Published in the Colorado Statesman
by authority of superintendent of in
surance
GEORGE ID. STATLER,
Superintendent.
Il. Il. RITTENHOUSE.
Deputy.
The Colorado statesman., 1907-03-23
STATE OF COLORADO
insurance Department
CERTIFICATE OF AUTHORITY FOR
TliE YEAR ENDING FEBRUARY

CERTIFICATE OF AUTHORITY FOR
THE YEAR ENDING FEBRUARY
20, 1908.
Office of Superintendent of Insurance.
Denver. Colo, March 1, 1907.
1t is hereby certified that the Ma
tional Mutual Fire Insurance Company
of Denver. corporation organized un-
der the laws cf the state of Colorado,
whose principal office is located at
Denver, has complied with all the laws
of this state so far as the require
ments of said laws are applicable to
said company, and the said company is
hereby authorized to transact business
ASA lire insurance company within the
said state OF Colorado. subject to the
several provisions and requirements of
the said laws. until the twenty ninth
day of February. in the year of our
Lord, nineteen hundred and eight
In testimony whereof l. George d.
Statler, superintendent of insurance of
said state of Colorado. have hereunto
set my hand and affixed my seal of
office. at the city of Denver, the day
and year first above written
GEORGE ID. STATLER.
(SeaD Superintendent of Insurance.
E. T.. RITTENHOUSE,
Deputy.
Published in the Colorado Statesman
by authority of superintendent of in
surance.
GEORGE d. STATLER
Superintendent.
E. Il. RITTENHOUSE,
Deputy.
The Colorado statesman., 1907-03-23
Theory and Practice.

'T takes notice." said Uncle Eber,
dat de man who tells you how easy it
is to be contented wifi salt po'k an
beans giner'ly has as fine appetite
fob fried chicken as anybody. ."-Yon.
kers Statesman.
The Colorado statesman., 1907-03-23

STATE OF COLORADO,
SYNOPSIS OF STATEMENT AND
COPY OF CERTIFICATE OF
AUTHORITY
National Mutual Fire Insurance Com
pany of Denver, Colorado.
Assets ............s3 s33. .752.73
Liabilities ................... 42,634.63
Income 43,410.25
DISBURSEMENTS ............. 34,923.55
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-10-08
PERSONAL POINTS.

Dr. Louis Ostrom is in Chicago, at
tending a meeting of ear and throat
specialists.
Miss Ethel Fry departed last night
for Murdo, S. ID. where she expects
10 make her home.
o. H. Means, formerly of this city
and now located at Burlington, was in
the city yesterday for a brief visit.
Mr.. and Mrs. w. L. Gauley and sons
James and Clarence left this morning
for California, where they will spend
the winter.
The Misses Amy Henderson and
Claire VanGalder left yesterday for
Milwaukee, where they will attend the
national convention of the Woman's
Foreign Missionary society.
Mr.. and Mrs. A. d. Sperry left today
for West Virginia where they will
visit Mr.. and Mrs. Frank Taylor for
merly of this city. They will ais
visit the jamestown exposition.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-10-08
INSPECTORS SAY
GUILT is PROVED
Postoffice Officials Reply to Statement
Made in Behalf of the Late
James Farrand.

Postoffice Inspectors Stewart, Bun
sen and Allmon. who are at work on
the accounts of the late James Far
rand, who committed suicide after be-
ing arrested for the alleged pilfering
of mail packages during his long term
as superintendent of carriers of the
Davenport office, have issued a state
ment replying to that made by George
II. Farrand, brother of the dead man.
The latter. it will be recalled. stated
that his brother was innocent of any
serious crime. having merely taken
cash out leaving a memoranda in each
instance. The inspectors refute George
Farrand's statement completely, de-
claring that James Farrand was under
suspicion for over a year and it was
not till after he had been absolutely
proven guilty that they arrested him
1t is stated that so far $500 i'll cash has
been found to be missing and that many
valuable papers have been destroyed
which the government will be put to
great expense i'll duplicating.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-10-08
STREET PARADE ABANDONED
Will Not Be Held in Connection With
the Bethany Ministries.

The street parade to have been
given in Moline and Rock Island in
connection with the Bethany Home
MINISTRIES has been abandoned on ac.
count of illness i'll the family of the
gentleman who had charge of it.
Those admitted to the rehearsals Of
the end men for the coming entertain
ment are having some good laughs
i'll advance. The following are the
names of some Of the people who are
to amuse the public the 18th and 18th
of Oct: Miss Lou Harris, scrub wO-
man; Zoe Bernhard and Myra Bear
end ladies; DIR. Robert Pearce and
John Colligan, end men; Walter Ros
enfield, messenger boy. Those from
Moline are: Miss frankie Hemen
way, Miss Lima Kennedy, Mrs. Ada En-
trikin-Peterson assisted by Miss Anna
Schillenger, A. II. Foster, Herbert Nc
Keever. John Samuels, Fred Leavens
bell boy, and Mr.. Donald, boOtblack.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-10-08
FIREMEN ARRANGE
UNIQUE ENTERTAINMENT
Will Have an OId-Fashioned FiddIing
Contest at the Illinois Theater,
Oct. is, for Benefit Fund.

A novel entertainment has been ar
ranged for by the firemen of the city
to be given the evening of Oct. Is at
the Illinois theater, the proceeds to be
added to the firemen's benefit fund
The entertainment is termed an old
time fiddlers' contest and will include
competitive playing in every style of
fiddling and i'll rendition of selections.
The judges selected are Mayor ii. c.
Schaffer. Alderman J. r. Tgcllis and
Alderman Charles Oberg. The con
testants will not be charged any adj
mission fee and all who desire TO en-
ter are asked to hand i'll their names
to the firemen. Entries must be made
before Z o'clock the evening of the
entertainment.
In addition to the contests in music
there will be buck and wing dancing
clog dancing and jigging, all by local
talent, old style double shuttle dances
and an old fashioned cotiIlion. Sing
ing and banjo and guitar music will
be included in the program. Prizes
are offered. and the best all around
fiddler of the evening will receive the
grand prize.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-10-08
DAVENPORT BOOSTERS
BREAK DOWN on ROAD
Engine Goes Wrong Near Gencseo and
an Hour is Lost will Be Out
Two Days in Illinois.

The second trade excursion of DAY.
export business men undertaken this
season left the city early this morning
on two days invasion of Illinois. A
driving rod on the engine pulling the
special train on the Rock Island was
fractured near Geneseo and another
locomotive had to be sent out, the ex.
cursion arriving an hour behind SEIZED
ule. Two days will be spent on the
road, the most remote point reached
being Peoria, where the boomers will
spend tonight