Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1907-01-30
XIV.
SOME STRANGE LAPSES OF A
LOVER

to get distinct impression, that ugly
shape of cynicism had disappeared.
1t was shadow myself cast upon
her" l assured myself, and once more
she seemed to me like clear, calm
lake of melted snow from the noun
tains. Il can see to the pure white
sand OF the very bottom" thought l.
Mystery there was, but only the myS-
terry OF wonder at the apparitiOn of
such beauty and purity in such
world as mine. True, from time to
time, there showed at the surface or
vaguely outlined in the depths, forms
strangely out of place in those unsul-
lied waters. But l either refused to
see or refused to trust my senses. |
had fixed ideal of what woman
should be; this girl embodied that
ideal
IF you'd only give up your cigar
cites" l remember saying to her when
we were little better acquainted,
you'd be perfect"
She made an impatient gesture
DON'T" she commanded almost an
grily. You make me feel like a hypo-
critic. You tempt me to be a hypocrite
Why not be content with woman as
she is-a human being? And-how
could Amy woman not an idiot-be
alive for twenty-five years without
learning-a thing or two? Why should
any man want it?"
Because to know is to be spattered
and stained" said l. Il get enough
OF people who know, down town. Up
town. want a change of air OF
course, you think you know the world,
but you haven't the remotest concep-
ton OF what it's really like Some
times when I'm with you, l begin to
feel mean and-and unclean. And
the feeling grows on me until it's all
l can do to restrain myself from rush
ing away"
She looked at me critically.
You've never had much to do with
women, have you?" she finally said
slowly in musing tone.
Il wish that were true-almost," re-
piled l, on my mettle as man, and re-
sisting not without effort the impulse
to make some vague confessions
boastings disguised as penitential ad-
missions-after the customary mascu.
line fashion.
She smiled-and one of those dis
quieting shapes seemed to me to be
floating lazily and repellently down
ward, out of sight. "A man and a
woman can be a great deal to each
other, l believe" said she; can be
married, and all that-and remain as
strange to each other as if they had
never met-more hopelessly strang-
ers."
There's always a sort of mystery"
l conceded. Il suppose that's one of
the things that keep married people
interested"
She shrugged her shoulders-she
was in evening dress, l recall, and
there was on her white skin that in
tense, transparent, blush tinge one
sees on the new snow when the sun
comes out.
Mystery" she said impatiently.
There's no mystery except what we
ourselves make. It's useless-per-
fectly useless" she went on absently
You're the sort of a man who, if
| woman cared for him, or even showed
friendship for him by being frank and
human and natural with him, he'd pun
ish her for it by-by despising her"
l smiled, much as one smiles at the
efforts of a precocious child to prove
that it is a Methuselah in experience.
IF you weren't like an angel in
comparison with the others I've
| known" said l. do You suppose
| could care for you as l do?"
l saw my remark irritated her, and
| fancied it was her vanity that was
| offended by my disbelief in her knowl-
| edge of life. l hadn't suspicion that
had hurt and alienated her by slam
ming in her face the door of friend
ship and frankness her honesty was
forcing her to try to open for me.
In my stupidity of imagining her not
| human like the other women and the
| men had known, but creature apart
and in class apart, | stood day after
| day gaping at that very door. and Won
| dering how / could open it, how pene-
| trate even to the courtyard of that
vestal citadel So long as my old
ldSHlOuSO pCilSL That SOOu WOi4lSu
| were more than human and bad
women less than human had infiu-
enced me only to a sharper lookout
| in dealing with the one species Of
woman l then came in contact with.
| no harm to me resulted, but on the
contrary good-whoever got into trou-
! BILE through walking the world with
| sword and sword arm free? But when,
under the spell of Anita Ellersly, l
| dragged the "superhuman goodness
| part of my theory down out of the
| clouds and made it my guardian and
| guide-really, it's miracle that l es-
capped from the pit into which that
| lunacy pitched me headlong. I was
| not content with idealizing only her; 1
went on to seeing good. and only good,
| IN everybody, the millennium was at
| hand; all Wall street was my friend !;
whatever wanted would happen. And