davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1907-02-14

avoid 1t. and we reached the
pond-at the deep end reserved
for swimmers. There was ter.
rifle splash. We were swept from
our seats by q torrent OF water. There
was a violent explosion. Then some
fellow got me out with a pitchfork.
When had got some of the water
and the fork-out Of me. looked
round and saw Stone wringing his
garments and his hands.
THE conveyance is ruined!" he
walled.
Get 1t out of your pocket" l cried,
before it's too wet!' He stared at
me for moment. Then he pulled II
out. 1t was scarcely hurt at all.
II had forgotten this conveyance"
he owned.
Come along" l commanded. The
train isn't in yet
Flint" he said warmly. Your
presence of mind is invaluable
We toiled up the hill as fast as we
could, and reached McKenzie's just as
the train was whistling in the dis.
lance.
Good heavens!" he cried, when We
entered his room, dripping and breath
less. We'll, well!"
I'VE came by MOTOR Stone en-
planned.
Il thought ye'd come by sea-" He
laughed loudly. Persons of his ma
tionality have a perverted notion of
humor.
I'VE had an accident. If you will
sign the conveyance"
"Ye'll change first" he suggested.
pretending that he was trying not to
grin. There's no such haste"
business before pleasure" re.
minded him. trying to laugh.
Some folks take their pleasure sad.
Ivy He laughed, as ii he had said
something funny.
Il don't see anything to laugh at.
MIR. Mckenzie, said my partner with
dignity.
But ye must have wee drop first,
to keep out the cold," he proposed
affably.
afterwards" said, afterwards. y
So he called in his two clerks. They
were ill-bred young men, and giggled
audibly when they looked at us; but
we affected not to notice them, and
hurried through the business. We had
barely concluded, when Donald Nc
kenzie rushed in.
us the conveyance signed?" he de
manded.
IL u.s." I'VE told him.
You are a pair of thieves" ht
roared
There is such a thing as libel"
mentioned
And false pretenses," said Donald
Mckenzie. when you proposed IL
buy that land"
I'VE have bought it," pointed on
suavely.
You have heard that the railwa,
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1907-02-14

Then Some Fellow Got Me Out with a
Pitchfork.
company wanted to build there" We
rubbed our hands.
I'VE keep our ears open." said Stone
blandly.
II told you this morning that | had
heard something about the company
and land"
I'VE were obliged for the hint"
Stone acknowledged, politely.
otherwise you would have stayed
and"
Kept our ears open,' l suggested
jocu!arly. He banged the table.
IF you had, you would have heard
that the company have decided to
build" We rubbed our hands
elsewhere"
looked at Stone, and Stone looked
at me. I'VE will 60. Stone,' l said.
The McKenzies rose together.
You will co." they said.
When we picked ourselves up at the
bottom of the stairs, Stone was In ia.
vor of an action for libel, and l for
assault. Ultimately we decided to
bring neither.
1t is also our endeavor to benefit
others. So we would add that the land
in question has lately much increased
in value, and affords an exceptionally
favorable opportunity for investment.
Any offer addressed to us, care the
Editor, will receive prompt considera-
ton.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1907-02-14
HOW TO cvRs THE NOVELIST.
Rules for Restricting the Output sug-
uested BY m Authority.

Rules for Restricting the Output sug-
0ested by an Authority.
The scheme OF legislation subjoined
the enormous output of modern fic.
ton, problem well nigh as serious
as those arising out of the growth of
automobilism.
First-No author or authoress shall
be permitted to drive quill, steel or
fountain pen of more than five-para-
graph power until she or he be duly
licensed and certifcated as compe.
tent to do so without danger to the
public.
Second-Every authoress and au-
thor shall be subjected to an adjec-
tive tax.
Third-All novels shall be regis
tered (for purposes of identification)
with clearly marked letters and mum.
bers, indicating the school or district
to which they belong. and no writer
shalk to prevent classification, will
fully obscure his local 'coloring or
moral purpose. Thus, while KY 3496
might represent the latest creation
of the Kaliyard romances. attack upon
Mayfair and the moneyed classes
could be labeled NC 666.
Fourth-No writer shall compose
novels at a faster rate than $50 horse
power per publishing year.
Fifth-No speed competitions shall
be allowed between novelists. except
in such areas as may be licensed AMI
set apart for the purpose-e. g., the
Dartmoor country, the Avon (Warks),
district and the Sahara.
Sixth-Special licenses shall be
taken out for italics. photographed
prefaces and replies to reviewers.
Seventh-Writers of novels shall! be
responsible for all sudden shocks,
nervous breakdowns, heart failures
and Tin the case of feNilletons) deaths
from suspense occasioned to their
readers and may be prosecuted there
for.
Eighth-Novals shall be bound and
:olored according to their contents.
Thus, sensational fiction must be is
sued in red boards, idylls of rural
tranquility in green or tree calf,
while brown covers are reserved for
essays of the Illuminating type, dis
pat led from study windows and the
like.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1907-02-14
STILL MORE PROOF
That Or. Williams Pink Pills Have
Cured Even the Most Stubborn
Cases of Rheumatism.

when was boy of SIXTEEN" esys
Mr.. Otto H. Rose, a retired grocer, Of
1926 Lexington Avenue, Indianapolis,
Ind. Il met with serious accident
which injured the bone of my head
over the right eye. recovered from
the accident to all appearances, but
not many years after l began to have
intense pains in the injured hone,
which came on every year and would
last from few days to several weeks.
II consulted the doctors who told
me that was suffering from neural
gia. The sight of my right eye was
affected, so that at times could
scarcely see out of it, while both eyes
watered constantly. During these at
tacks was often dizzy from the ter
rible pains. The pains came on every
morning and passed away in tire after.
noon. | never suffered from the pain
al night.
II tried without success to get re-
} lief until a friend told me to try DIR.
Williams Pink Pills. When | had
taken a few boxes felt the pain
growing less intense and in much
shorter time than ! had hoped for
was entirely cured. have recon-
mendcd the pills to several persons,
who have used them with good results.
| "My wife uses DR.. Williams Pink
Pills for nervous headaches and finds
them the best medicine she has ever
used as they give relief where all 9th.
crs fail"
I DIR. Williams Pink Pills are sold
by all druggists or sent, postpaid on
receipt of price, so cents per box, six
boxes $3.50. by the Dr. Williams Medi-
cine Company, Schenectady, N Y.
4 An instructive booklet. entitled
NERVOUS Disorders" will be sent free
On request to anyone interested.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1907-02-14
Automobiles Responsible.

The record for 1906 shows there
We're more deaths from mountain
climbing than automobiles
The record is misleading, then. l
haven't the slightest doubt that half
the mountain climbers who fell and
died We're people who We're trying to
ret out of the way Of the automo-
i,iles."
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1907-02-14
FRUIT JUICES KILL GERMS;
Lemons and Apples Fatal to Cholera
and Typhoid aacijli.

and Typhoid eaeiIli.
Among some science notes" repub.
lfshed by the Indian Mirror the fol-
lowing relate to the virtues Of fruit
This is supplemental to the we'll.
known effect of the juice of acid
fruits, such as lines, apples, pineap.
pies, etc., in mitigating the craving
for alcoholic drinks.
1t is said that an eminent Japanese
bacteriologist has recently shown
with success that the acids of lemons,
apples and some other fruits are ca.
pable Of destroying all kinds and
varieties of the germs which cause
disease and pain in the human body.
The acids, citric' and malic, contained
In the fruit juices probably have the
effect of killing these disease germs.
Cholera germs are said to be killed
in fifteen minutes by lemon Juice or
apple juice and even typhoid germs,
which have great resisting power, are
killed in about thirty minutes by
either of these acids, even in a very
diluted form. A tumbler full of cold
water saturated with cholera bacilli
might be gu!ped dow none's throat
with impunity provided a lemon has
been squeezed into it fifteen or TWEEN.
ty minutes prior to the act. The safe.
ty here lies in the absolute certainty
Of the destruction of the bacilli by the
action of the lemon juice. What is q
delicious drink to the human being
is here evidently poison to these
micro-organisms.
Thus the two most dreaded diseases
in India-that is, Asiatic cholera and
typhoid fever-have simple remedy
to checkmate their ravages. These
prevalent and universal diseases have
now this universal remedy. Lines
are within the reach of the poorest
people in India, and they could be Sc
cured for very small price, even in
the districts of great scarcity Even
the people by having a plentiful sup
ply of lemons and oranges in the
times of epidemics could tide owe.
the infection with great credit.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1907-02-14
An Adroit Answer.

Prince Jaisingrao, the son of the
Gaekwar of Baroda, denied in New
York recently that has father had said
he found American women ugly
my father" said the young man.
"is too adroit to make such a remark
as that. Even if he thought it-and
he doesn't-he wouldn't dream of say.
ing it. He is too adroit. Listen:
Once my father attended Christ
mas ball at an English country house.
He was introduced to a lady whose
name he did not catch, and he asked
her to dance with him. AS they
danced in the ballroom, hung with
mistletoe and holly, my father saw an
officer who had once deceived him in
India.
"'Do you see that man over there?'
said my father to his pretty partner.
We'll, if there's one man in the world
hate, it's him.
why said the lady, that's my
husband
YES said my adroit father. yes,
of course. That's why hate him.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1907-02-14
A Good Thing.

Your life preserver may be all
right" said the buyer for the steam
ship company, but it's SO tilmsy
don't see how it can support any one"
Well" replied the manufacturer.
lit has supported me and my family
for the past year"
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1907-02-14
mv,.ley's Library.

Apart from his extensive library.
John Morley has no amusements what
ever. but to be surrounded by his
books is his ideal of happiness. He
is capital walker, but from his youth
upward games have never had any at
traction for him.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1907-02-14
Merely That.

"How will you have your eggs
cooked?" asked the waiter.
Some time before evening"" said
the man who had been waiting fifteen
minutes. Il expect 10 eat another
meal to-day"
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1907-02-14

For time take Natures medicine,
Garfield Tea. it cleanses the system, pur.
ifies the blood and insurcs u normal action
Of liver kidneys, stomach and bowels.
Made of Herbs.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1907-02-14

Mistress-But. bless me, why are
you leaving US, Mary? I'm sure do
all the work.
The General Servunt-Yes, ma'am.
but don't like the wav YOU do it
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1907-02-14
A Chilly Questioner.

VHIIty GUestIouer.
"He writes me the most beautiful
letters Imaginable said the sentimen-
tai girl.
"Yes, my DEAR" answered Miss Cay
enne. But is that love or literature?'
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1907-02-14

PUTNAM FADELEsS DYES color
more goods, per package, than others, and
the colors are brighter and faster.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1907-02-14

After the first two weeks of acti;e
service. IL smoking jacket leads M ex-
istence as quiet and secluded rs that
Of the average family Bible.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1907-02-14
MRS. ELvA CARRIER EDWARDS

There are three critical stages in q
woman's life which leave their mark
in her career. The first of these stages
is womanhood. or the change from a
care free girl to budding womanhood,
The second is motherhood, and the
third is Change of Life.
Perils surround each of these stages,
and most of the misery that comes
to women through i'll health dates
from one or another of these i'm
portant crises.
Women should remember that Lydia
e. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound
made from native roots and herbs has
carried thousands of young girls over
the critical period of puberty, has
prepared mothers for childbirth, and
in later years carried them safely
through the change of life more sue
cessfully than any other remedy in
the world. Thousands of testimonials
from grateful persons. two of which
are here published, substantiate this
fact beyond contradiction.
Mrs. George Walters of Woodlawn,
Ill. writes
Dear Mrs Pinkham:-
II feel it my duty to tell you of the good
Lydia E. Pinkhams Vegetable Compound
has done me in preparing for childbirth.
After suffering and losing my children u
friend advised me to try your valuable me-
dicine, and the result was that Ihad very
little Inconvenience, quick recovery and
During it's long record of MOI
actual cures, entities Lydia E. Pi
tho ,,oonoot md oonG1onoo re o1,o,
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1907-02-14

Mrs. Wlnslow's Soothing Syrup.
ianmaton alays pain. wind collie. 25c bottle.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1907-02-14

The potato crop of the United
Kingdom is worth annually over
81, o00, 000, 900.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1907-02-14

CHEAP s .tss1 s. fsr 9sr'! fsr ss
very best markets and
iications. v Richards, and and industrial Agent
Southern Rv and Mobile Ohio r. r.. Washington D. e.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1907-02-14

Wont you be glad when the cleo
ton is over?" queried Il gent passen.
ger OH Market street car last even
ing
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1907-02-14

"Not OH your life" answered his
companion. Since the campaign
opened neother Carrie Nation, Elijah
Dowie Of Vesuvius have been heard
FROM"
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1907-02-14
British Potato Crop

Yes said my adroit father. yes,
of course. That's why hate him. :"
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1907-02-14
MRS. GEORGE WALTERS

MRS. GEORGE WALTERS
Lydia Il. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound
is a blessing to all expectant mothers"
Mrs. Elva Barber Edwards Of
Cathlalnct, WASH, writes:
Dear Mrs. Pinkhan:-
II want to tell you how Lydia E. Pink.
hams hams Vegetable Compound carried me
Life without any trouble whatever, also
cured ne Of a very severe female weakness,
cannot say enough In praise of what your
medicine has done for me-
What Lydia T.. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound did for Mrs. Walters and
Mrs. Edwards it will do for other wo-
men in their condition. Every suf-
fering woman in the United States
is asked to accept the following in
vitation. 1t is free, will bring you
health and may save your life,
Mrs. Pinkham's Invitation to Womea.
Women suffering from any form Of
female weakness are invited TO
promptly communicate with Mrs.
Pinkham, at Lynn, Mass. From the
symptoms given, the trouble may be
located and the quickest and surcst
way of recovery advised. Out of her
vast volume of experience in treating
female ills Mrs. Pinkham probably
has the very knowledge that will
help your case. Her advice is free
and helpful.
2 than thirty years it's long list of
lkham's Vegetable Compound to
fair minded person.
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1907-02-14

During long record of thirty years it's long
actual entities Lydia E. Pnkhams Vegetable Compound
the respect and confidence of every fair minded person.
Lydia Pnkhams Vegetable Compound Makes Sick Women e
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1907-11-05
Playing.


To most people who have had q real
childhood, not cramped by overwork,
physical or mental, or starved by sor-
didness or filed with an intellectually
beyond their years, "Alice's Adyen-
lures In Wonderland" is not far
afeld, the children of Kenneth Ora
names Golden Age" are real people.
and t.Peter Pan" is more than de
.lightful play. Lewis Carroll and Mr..
Grahame and Mr.. Barrie have all told
the truth, because with real children
things are always being "made be-
lieve" just little different from what
they actually are. Playing house is a
fig tree where your roof is made by
broad leaves and where wide branches
make your floor, your successive sto-
ries, your easy stairways; playing ship
on sofa or in an >invalfd's chair;
playing street cars with chairs for
horses and quarreling as to which, child
should be conductor and which driver
that was before the days of electric
fty; playing that you are a horse eat
ing hay in your stall, "a real horse,
you know" as child said to me last
summer; playing wild animals in the
most grewsome places until you are
paraiyzed with terror and afraid of
yourself in the dark: making believe"
in every instance that you are grown
up or different from what you really
are-that is wonderfully rich life
Louisa McCrady in Atlantic
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1907-11-05
A TriHe Misleadinq.

When Lucy Seaver married William
Edison and was able to have calling
cards with Mrs. William Edison" en-
graved upon them, she felt that life
had no higher pride in store for her.
She preserved this attitude through all
the years of her married life. "
: When Mr. Edison died she was incon-
solable and even after several years
of widowhood she holly resented any
indication that her friends had for
gotten her lamented William for one
moment.
1T makes me so angry" she said to
one whom she suspected Of careless
ness in the matter, ''to be spoken of or
thought of as Mrs. Lucy Edison 1t
is an insult to Williams memory"
"Oh. I'm sure it's never meant for
that" said the friend. hastily. "only
It's quite customary among certain
people. you know, for widow to take
her Christian namAhave letters adj
dressed to. her in that way-and so
on" Eye aS$rs$
''It will never be with me-" said the
widow, Indignantly, II prefer always
10 be known as the late Mrs William
Edson" ~
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1907-11-05

gage strapped up and were ready to
land. AT 30 there was cry OF All
on deck and OH deck. breakfastIess8
and cold, we had to go One man who
went up to have a wash was not ii
lowed down to his berth again. and
there lie stsod in the chilly dawn with
the rain pouring down. without coat or
shirt. 55
+. For two hours we stood and shirered.
watching the mail being taken off by a
tug, While within a couple Of hundred
yards of us lay land Presently il lit
tie, round, pompous looking rug steam
ed up. and round, pompous looking
man in a heavy fur coat stepped on
board the United States Of America
doctor for whom we had waited two
long hours.
We marched past him, a long line of
cold and shivering humanity. and then
we had breakfast. l.s
Then we steamed into the New York
harbor.
We stood. baggage in hand. all ready
to be landed aad taken over to Ellis
island, when suddenly the cry went
round, mo steerage passengers landed.
today: perhaps tomorrow, perhaps not
till next week The dockmen are on
striker ,g.5
The sides of the steamer touched
land the noise of the street cars would
be heard above the shouts Of the work
men. but for all the chance of us walk
hot 1or Ts,y,1
we might as well have been in the
middle of the Atlantic. That was the
longest day ever spent To stay still
and inactive while the life Of a big city
rolled past me-the minutes seemed
hours and the hours days.
! But it was better than it might have
been. and the next day we were taken
to Ellis island. packed together as tight
as sardines in box on board round.
| many decked steamer There we were
made to march in single file before in
| spection officers and doctors. our vacci-
| nation cards pinned to our coats as the
card of a prize cow is tied round its
| neck. About three minutes is devoted
! to each person under ordinary circum.
stances. Ones eyelids are again turned
| inside out. Sometimes the doctors
| chalk something on an emigrant's
| shoulder. which means that they think
something is wrong. 'H" means heart
and IL" means lung. Then the emf
grant is detained for thorough ex-
animation, and. if necessary, is "de-
ferred." He then has to pass before a
jury, who decide whether he is to be
permitted to land or shall be deported
st Louis Globe Democrat.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1907-11-05
Eoolina the Fox.

The expression las cunning as fox
has passed into the language, but, as is
the case with most extra cute gentle
men, there are occasions when Master
.Reynard oyerreaches himself. Any Wis
it0r to the country who has ever ex-
amined a chicken house in the middle
OF field has probably noticed two or
three snort pieces of chain hanging
rver the hole by which the fowls enter.
Although they form no obstacle to the
birds, who push their way In without
the faintest difficulty, they will infailf-
bly, prevent fox from raiding the
house. The latter in his superior wis
dom takes them to be 4 trap for his
capture, and although he may sit ont
side hungrily licking his chops moth
Ing viii induce him to put his head
through the chains. truly a case of a
flittle learning being d dangerous thing.
2earsonts Weekly.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1907-11-05
PREPARE FOR BRYAN
:EPEcTED TO STATE HIS lNTEN-
-rioNs AS TO HIS PREslDEN- 81
cY THIS MONTH

Washington, Nov. Elaborate pre-
parations are bling made for the en-
tertainment Of William Jennings Bry-
an on the occasion of his visit to the
national capital this month The Neb-
raskan is coming to make an address
before the students of the George
washington university ON the 18th
inst, and he will he the guest of hon
or at big banquet on the following
evening. More than 100 leading dem
ocrats met last wesk to outline the
plans for the banquet and a committee
of fifteen has been named to engineer
the political feast.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1907-11-05

Mr.. Bryan's visit is expected to be-
made the occasion for an announce
ment OF his attitude toward the demo-
cratic nomination for president in
1908, and for that reason his coming
is locked forward to earger1y. In a
letter Prof. C. w. "a. Veditz, d San OF
the College Of Political Sciences of the
George Washington uniyersitg, he In
timated that he would make an inn
portant political announcement" Just
what that announcement is to be is
largely a matter OF guesswork but It
is thought probable that the Peerless
Leader will declare his intention
either of withdrawing as a candidate
for the nomination or of remaining In
the lists and undertaking again to lead
the democratic national ticket.
While 1T Is altogether likely that Mr.
Bryan, in view Of his letter, will make
the important political announce
men" in the course of his address at
the university he is expected, also, to
supplement such a statement with a
speech at the banquet. One of the
committees having charge arrange
ments for the banquet is entrusted
with the task Of getting at least four
democrats Of national reputation as
speakers. These men, 6f course, will
be Bryan adherents, and the Invitation
will be extended only to men who are
foremost in the party's councils. The
dinner is to cost So a plate, and al
ready there are between 400 and 500
applications for tickets.