Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1907-10-11

fellow who cannot tell one, but in
sists upon the crowd listening to his
miserable attempt.
'Tis reported Governor Mead has
become interested in fancy chick
ems" How pleasing to Albert.
must it be. when he reflects that
there is no pound for chickens,
like there is for Il COW.
up to the hour of going to press we
have not heard of any labor organiza-
ton endorsing Jones for Senator. ."-Ta-
coma Forum.
Probably they're too busy quar-
reling with each other.
From the many arrests of Cad
Johnson, rs reported by Seattle
papers, it must be Cad's intention to
equal, if not break, the police record
held by the late resident of the
Queen City, Annie Rooney.
After piling a dozen ears of hot
corn, minus the kernels, around her
plate, an Olympia girl said she wasn't
hungry, only mincing. Great heav-
ems! how would you like to pay the
bill if she was really hungry?
The press of the United States, ac-
cording to the New York Hr"hi, is
in favor of selling the Philippines.
They say America was foolish to
take them in the first place, and
should get rid of them. Amen.
1t is nice to have your relation
visit you for about three days, but
when it comes to three or four
months, tell the truth now, don't
you really wish they would pack
their trunk and go? You know you
do.
The Seattle woman who paid for
her own marriage license, the other
day, procured genuine bargain. as
the suicide of her intended" after
he tried to kill her, proved. 1t might
have cost her life, had she married
the creature
Robbers lured an actor into Sa-
loon in Chicago, and after beating
and rObbing him, dropped him
through trap-dOOr into vat of
acid. For an actor to have money,
provided this happened on the south
side of the Windy City, is surprising
indeed; and if the robbery did occur
in that part of the city, it is not
likely the bath in acid did him any
serious injury.
Nothing succeeds like advertising.
Here is an ad. appearing in the New
York Herald:
"Kensico Cemetery. Most beautiful
and permanent cemetery accessible to
New York; price or lots reasonable; IL
lustrated books sent on request. Office,
kensico Building, 16 East 42d street."
Beautiful and permanent" Ugh!
1t may be permanent, but beauti-
ful''-I'm from Missouri.
1t has long been contended by
some eminent minds that the human
race is descended from the monkey.
| have doubted this, but am almost
ready to accept the theory. What
has influenced me was the conduct of
young lady and gentleman at
Percivals dock last Sunday night.
Talk about monkey shines, they sur
passed any antics ever attempted by
the ring tailed species. One would
have supposed they had just escaped
from SteilacOom by listening to their
silly twaddle. Here is 4 sample:
Girl: 20, Charlie, should | throw
myself into the bay, would you
rescue your little girl?"
He: Yes, / would jump in and
get wet all over to save my little
dumpsey dOoddlc; yes | would,
sure.
What "dumpsey dooddle" ex-
presses, | don't hardly understand.
1t was too much" dumpsey doodle"
for me to listen at, so | meandered
up town.
Astoria, the largest city in Ore
gon with the exception of Portland)
is the headquarters for the salmon
industry of the world. Astoria has
the climate, and there are neither
flies, fleas, mosquitoes nor dust. y
The above is taken from an adver-
tisement appearing in the Oregon
Journol, of Portland. Let us investi-
gate little. AS to fly, flea, nor
mosquito, inhabiting Astoria, this
is probably true, for no self-respect-
ing fly, flea, nor mosquito would live
in that lifeless, dead burg. The
town is far too slow for such lively
insects. AS for it being the largest
city in Oregon, with exception of
Portland, one may imagine how
small it is, by comparing Portland
to Seattle. And as for it being the
headquarters for the salmon in
dustry of the world, this declaration
only makes Astoria packers laugh
themselves into fits, making it neces-
sary to call a physician. About the
largest industry poor old Astoria
has is that of dredging the Columbia
river bar, so that few small-sized
fishing boats can cross when the wa
ter is smooth as glass" Pitiful,
deluded, withered, lifeleSs Astoria!