The independent., 1907-02-14

its leg on TO escape from the CTaci
trar will invariably drown itself If in
reach of water So will the beaver un-
der like conditions, and tanta lized
rattlesnake will in desperation turn and
rend its own flesh, dying from the ef-
feet of its own virus.
I've heard there's no such thing as pain.
But somehow / can't make it plain
That such can really be the case
There's something shoots along my face
thoroughly spiritualized as to obtain
It's name-I know it hurts like every
thing.
Some say this is but error" now
Though truth or error anyhow
1t gives me more than my deserts,
And when I say | know 1t hurts
And speak it out before all men,
Please do not contradict me then,
Lest in the frenzy of my mind
| might do something real unkind.
If what | suffer is not pain,
Please tell me what, and make it plain.
II any other name will take
It's place I'll be right glad to shake
j. {. Troyer, a civil war veteran who
for three long years endured all kinds
of dangers and hardships to keep this
old union from breaking in two in the
middle. writes to say that he is opposed
to the present system of Grand Army
parades at the annual reunions of the
order now observed of having the grand
procession led by a military band and
a regiment of brave boys from the near
est military station, followed by the
mayor and city council and prominent
citizens in carriages, all wearing plug
hats and imagining themselves the real
attraction of the parade; and last the
white haired fighting force OF the early
sixties limping along to the music of the
squeaky old fife and the rat-a-tat-tat of
the snare drum. He thinks the order
ought to be partially reversed and that
the remnants of the battle-scarred
veterans of the union ought TO occupy
carriages while the bottle-scarred poll
ticians of the several city wards hay
foot-straw-foot in the rear of the open
buggy containing the mayor and chief
of police That's the thing exactly.
Give honors to whom honors are due.
The members of the Grand Army of the
Republic have had their share of weary
marches, and where their annual encamp-
ments are held they deserve the free use
of the best vehicles in the city
Neuralgia, tic douloureux! This is
distemper to which people of every age
and cline are subject, though it rarely
occurs in tropical countries where people
live out in the radiant sunlight and per
fumed air, wearing little except ivory
rings and a tawny complexion. Inc
rayages of this monster are most wide
spread and fearful when the frost is on
the sundog, and the snow is two feet
deep. Look at Minnesota! No, don't;
it will snowbind. Besides those who
live in glass houses should not throw
frozen potatoes.
To return. if you have neuralgia you
have got something. You cannot see it.
You cannot hear it coming down the
road proclaimng itself the sovereign
grand hellraiser of the mighty empire of
mortal misery, but you know the hour
of it's arrival, what it is up to while
here and how long it stays.
In the Fathers limitless kingdom of
worlds and systems of worlds. all the
mighty forces that move things are invis-
ible You see the ponderous steam engine
pounding along In the lead of ten coaches,
MI the rate of sixty miles an hour but
were the cylinders made of glass, the
steam as il enters them still ia the hey
dav Of its wonderful expansive power
could not he seen by mortal eyes Here
comes the loaded trolley car lickitNSplit,
but who Is pulling il? Show me There
10 nothing i'm sight but the motorman
with one hand on the brake and the
other on the controller You see him,
but hr doesn't see YOU and-tie next
car comes along in ten minutes. But
we digress
The pain Of neuralgia is not visible.
You cannot put 4 collar around its neck,
fastcn chain tn It. lead II ont 10 the
barn and tie il In a stall adjoining that
III ht spotted COW called Speek whore
II can howl all night aud Keep you
awake II Is you Who viii do the howl
ing all right You cannot gather IL Up
IN "A basket and put Il into cold storage
whore il will keep all summer and pass
Tor tho fresh article IN the fall II has
neither length, breadth nor thickness
lnq st1lAuIs aultads duu 6llsuap iatni1u
vou take on your hat when it comes.
put IN hot applications and howl like an
indian Whnope Wow uh. mister, Call
II mortal ersur" call II anything you
ple4se. hut II IL comes when SOU call
tt. you1l he mighty SORRY an the WAY
through
/ rlac from on the he'd where have
lain
To sing the power aud patUneS of pain
n a am convinced. aa fully real
As au4 thng that anyone can feet