Evening journal. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1907-1913, 1907-11-19
|BINGS HAD INSOMNIA
so EE TRIED the PAINTING CURE
FOR A CHANGE


morning, Bings," commented the
head bookkeeper. Whats the mat
teri"
Don't sleep very WE'LL replied
Bings, shortly. Been trying to cure
my insomnia.
Well" said the head bookkeeper,
| judiciously, I'm troubled that way
sometimes myself. Ever try little
hot milk just before retiring?"
There was hostile glitter in
Bings' eye. yes" he said, 1--WE
tried a little hot milk. I've also tried
the lukewarm bath and the young
onions, and chewing my food. and
the rest of 1t. And last night tried
the painting cure"
"The painting cure?" echoed the
bookkeeper. And what is that?"
Bings went into his vest pocket and
flashed out newspaper clipping. 1t
was from one of the numeous depart
ments that women run in the evening
paper, in which they tell you every
thing from how to die to how to get
married, and when the head book
keeper looked it over he found the fol
lowing:
go to bed. Lie fiat on your back,
with arms at side. Have low pillow,
| rather hard bed, with downy, light
| coverings and abundance of fresh air.
| Relax entire body and make vacuum
| of your mind. Do not hold yourself
on the bed, but let the bed hold you.
! Now you are ready to begin. Imi
tate the painting of tired dog, but
| pant through the nose instead Of
| through the mouth. (Now you are
laughing, of course. That's the ideal
This is laugh cure partlyD Pant
| away until you are all tired out. You
| will then be impelled to take several
| long, deep breaths and possibly to
yawn. (This is where the deep breath
| ing comes in.) You will notice this
| vigorous painting shakes the entire
trunk, as does laughing. Repeat the
| alternate painting and deep breathing
till you fall asleep naturally"
Very interesting" commented the
head bookkeeper; "and how did you
come out?"
Il came out by staying awake near
| ly all night" growled Bings. II did
| everything it says, and | even went up
to the spare room to try it on
told my wife l was going to sleep in
| the spare room, but | didn't tell her
that was going to try the cure Well,
| got laid downfall, as it says-and
| the first thing I tried to- do was to
make a vacuum of my mind Ever
try to make vacuum of your mind :?
Well, it dosn't work. Little things that
had't worried me in years. came up
and there | lay, flat, with arms at my
side, on low pillow and all the
rest of it trying to get some sleep.
At that stage / began the painting
painting like dog, according to the
recipe. I painted and panted-but it
| didn't make me laugh
In fact, it got me to thinking what
an all-'round darn fool / must look
like lying there with my tongue hang
| ing out. But l kept it up. Pretty
soon | heard my wife coming upstairs.
For goodness sake, John said
she, what's the matter with your
"She turned on the gas
Nothing I said. 'Why?
you're making the most peculiar
noises-I heard you way downstairs.
Did you have a nightmare?'
"'On the contrary said I, I haven't
been asleep
john she said. know there's
something the matter. Hannah heard
you, too. If you're i'll don't try to
conceal it.
Il saw there was no use. o, only
a kink in my SIDE ] explained.
should have known better than to say
! it. You see my wife thinks I'm
martyr who suffers in silence
81 hope 1t isn't your old trouble
she said, coming to the bed and
prodding me in the groin. Hannah,
go get the hot water bottle
Il expostulated, but it didn't go.
Hannah got the hot water bottle, and,
what is more. my wife placed it right
over the pit of my stomach, and al
most before knew it had me swathed
in hot clothes. She has an idea that
warmth will drive away any disease,
and although | protested that, there
wasn't anything serious the mat
ter with me she worked over me for
an hour.
ut was then about one o'clock in
the morning Having finally convinced
her that the slight pain had passed
she left me. OF course there wasn't
any use trying to pant after this
experience, but | lay there and
heard the clock strike two and three
and still no sleep, and | determined
to give the cure another chance.
started to pant, but lightly so as not
to attract attention. Soon / became
interested in it. Once, think, really
did fall asleep, but suddenly l started
up and discovered that | was painting
heartily like dog that.wants a drink
of water
My wife was up there in minute.
This time she was in tears. John, she
walled, it's horrid of you to lay here.
and suffer and try to make nue. think
| there is nothing the matter with you.