The Washington herald., 1907-12-01
Maria'S Midnight Lectures.
LECTURE NO. 10.

oont know whether twas because
fathers watch was big and looked Ike
turnip or not, but anyway one o.
the cows swallowed IL Pa wanted 10
cue COOby for the value OF the watch.
and they near went 20 law about IT,
They compromised by COOby selling the
COW for beef. with clause in the con-
tract that II the butcher found the
watch IL was 10 be returned. They got
the watch all right but It had stop
ped, and go Mr. Cooby gave Pa a mess
Of the beef as compensation. Pa didn't
tell him that the watch never would
run anyhow,
I see they're having trouble about
getting army recruits again. It's all
because Of that uniform they have 10
wear. Soon as a man puts Il on every
one knows that he's getting only $13 a
month, and even a hired girl can do
better than that; she can get q street
car conductor who makes more wages
than that a week and sometimes a lit
lie extra out Of the dividends. I don't
blame men for not being soldiers-it's
pretty hard TO get a sweetheart on SO
q month
Do you understand this fighting the
lawyers are doing TO keep people from
having their pictures IL the rogues'
gallery? I don't 1 think they ought
10 take their pictures-and then let EN-
go,>that's punishment enough
How did IL come, job, that you
didn't march out IL the labor parade
the other night? I should think you'd
Ike TO have people believe you work
once in a while. AnybOdy'd think yor
cid from the way you're always so
sleepy when you come home. Job, Job,
I'm talking 10 you! Don't 90 10 sleep
now, Say. I want you 10 III me Il you
stiu sit around and play cards with
those men ar Hickeys You'd better be
careful; here's DR.. Wiley says that
there are always a lot Of microbes in
playing cards. and laws knows I don't
want any microbes around the house.
Little Emily got 10 playing with the
Henderson's cat last week and the poor
child came home so covered with fieas
I had 20 wash her all ove- with sal soda
and then some Of them jumped of on
little Haley, and they tickled him most
10 death.
I see that that wonderful poetess.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox, has Just celebra1-
ed her flfty-ffth birthday. I'd never
have thought she was that old. not by
reading her poems all about love and
passion and dove and fashion and
blisses and kisses and hearts and parts
and adore and moTe-most Of her poems
are holIerng for more; she never seems
l.
And she ffty-five. I saw her picture
printed once IN the paper where she's
been cured O. something. or recommend
tooth powder, and Tn sure she didn't
look her age. Maybe loves kept her
young II shed q been married 10 a
man Ike YOU. Job. I BET she wouldn't
write SO much about love.
Talking about love. I see that the
Thaw trials postponed again. I guess
Nj Jerome didn't want 20 spoil all our
appetites for Christmas dinner Did YOU
notice. too. that they say wedding pres
ents are not fashionable any more. Tn
awfuIly glad Of that The last present
I bought was for 'Ginny's wedding. and
that took all my spare change. and row
they say Betty's 20 be married 10 Nil
ford Keyes. I was figuring on buying
EN- a butter dish. but now that presents
is out of fashion I guess III save the
money and buy me new pOmpadOu-
front. Aly back hairs getting 50 much
lighter IN color that Il don't match any
more Thank heavens you can't notice
IL when I've got my veil on,
I wish. If you think Of Il. Job. you'd
- -
issued about sending mail 10 the men
on board the ships OF the fleet that is
going around 10 the Pacific coast. Liz
ZieZ AIMS boy is a mess-mate or pity
officer or something like that on one OF
the ships. and I want 20 write 70 him
while he's on his way. The way they
treat those poor sailors IS terrible.
They're going 10 stop them dancing on
board ship on Sunday. I think that's
mean The ships have got 10 keep on
dancing over the ocean ways that
sounds real Doetical. Job-and they
might let the men dance. too
What's shat job. are You trying 10
snore2 Wake Up. here. man: haven't
half done yet I think you're only pre-
tending TO be sleepy. and are just prac-
ucing those deep-breathing exercises
they talk about. never saw any sense
in EN- tried 'em once and I breathed
so hard I broke the bones in my best
corset. And then tried this rolling on
the floor and laws-a-me. rolled over
on a needle little Emily had left in the
carpet and il run into Tay left hip
nearly an inch If the thread hadn't
been left in II I don't know how I'd
got it out.
Job, 7 want you tell me all about
this foreign news What about that
wasp's nest they sent I'd here from
Venezuela. Does that mean there amt
going TO be no more revolutions down
there? hope so. see that they beat
that Muley Hahd- whoever he is-it
sounds like Turkish rug. and I notice
that Russia has paid over that indemnity
70 Japan-I don't know how many mil
lions.
Il wish somebody had TO pay US an
indemnity SOS we could be sure and
have a real nice Christmas. I wonder
what you're going 10 get me for Christ
mas, Job. Don't get anything foolish,
dear. just something usefui-lixe a new
ironing board. You can get awful good
ones down al BUsby's, or a new granite
ware coffee pot I've already got your
presents picked out I'm going TO get
you a new hall rack for the front han.
and, maybe, I'll buy you one OF them
new attachments for the gas stove 10
heat irons on-its so handy For Emily
/ think III get a new lamp for thu