Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-28
STANDING THE GAFF


" when you're ready to quit Mul.
l doon's place-but you earn that
sense OF well-being right enough. OBJ
served a stock broker who last year went
| through the Muldoon mill for the making
over of mushy and messed-up men. You
work for 1t. There are times, especially
during the first few days OF il. while you IT
! still stin and sore. when you reflect that
after all piano move rs and bod carriers anc
| coal miners and people like that have
| picked out snaps for themselves and you
| envy them their soft lot.
Fact is, that first week at the Muldoor
rehabiitati ting plant is all but insupportable
It's a nerve-tester. Plenty of fellows cave
| under the heat OF the pace and frame uI
| excuses for getaway l was on the poin
| OF laying down myself for that matter. anG
essayed TO beat it as gracefully as l could
| l was ali bunged up after the second day
| and in misery. | hadn't done any eXercis
| ing except a little walking-blamed little
| for fourteen years, SO that Muldoon's
| treadmill more than got my goat. There
wasn't d square inch of me that didn't
ache.
- This Is fine said l to myself when
| they fold>d me away in my little stack
| of shucks at O'Clock on my third night
Great. l like it. It's doing me a world
| of good. Ye-eh But | think | shall sc
anyway from here in the morning.
And SO, when l opened my letters afteI
breakfast the next morning, | simulated
! that worried look for Muldoons particular
! benefit. Scratched my ear. tOusled up my
hair. scowed at my finger nails and all
that Then, out front, getting Muldoon
| alone for half u minute. said 1:
Bad letter from my partner this morn
ing Wabbly market and my partner says
the SkiGS III be under the business if
don't come back. Guess he needs me RICH,
bad, and then l paered out of the tail
of my eye to how Mudoon was TAX
ing tiff l was getting away with it.
IT didn't take much peerng to see that
wasn't That frozen iron smile appeared
on Muldoons face
" That was the letter that came in the
yellow envelope, wasn't IT.? he said calm
ly. with peculiar sort of an accentuation
of the word yellow, and he looking
me right in the eye as he said it. too.
yellow! He meant me-yellowI L could
feel myself turning that pinkie- wnkie col
or from the bottom of my feet to my top
haiI-yellow. eh Mudoon, knowing that
was trying to crawtish and quit, handed
me one like that!
But. said /, pretending that | hadn't
noticed the crack, blast the business! I'm
here to stick the whole six weeks and
in ten minutes | was tossing the Snedicine
ball around, although every time L moved
Il finger l ached like a dog that's been
stuck 1t out and stayed the distance. too
| never could have done anything else with
Muldoon's dead-cold. steely eye upon me.
If it's true that brevity is the soul of
wit, then MuldOon has got most modern
humorists sewed up in sachet bag. There
was composer of comic opera music
struck the Muldoon farm about the same
time l did Being fat and wheezy and all
10 the jell to condition, the ordeal
knocked him cndways. There were about a
dozen straight years of table noting and
after-theater supporting to be drilled out of
him. and it hurts to begin your physical
life anew with Muldoon the recreator OF
you. ] never believed, till l saw that COM
poser perspire, the school anatomical book
story that the human frame is composed
of two-thirds water-or is it three -fourths?
He fairly melted before our eyes in the
gy IN. | fell to fancying that he was Merlin
and that some Vivian was working the
woven PAGES and things on him. he disap-
peared so rapidly from view. And his spine
cTumbled early in the melting process l
could the hunted look in his eye. He
all to the stampede, that visible
to anybody
'On the third morning. during the before
breakfast exercises, he started to fix up his
getaway scheme. Told Muldoon that the
lyrics for a new comic opera-n which all
the stage folks diked themselves out as
birds-were all ready. as ne heard by phone
the evening before and that the producer
of the opera was bowling for him to jump
into New York and do the bird music.
'Uh-huh.' said Muldoon. quietly but i'm
paling the composer with his grim regard.
You've got the swan song written already,
haven't YOU?
The shaft stuck. The composer stayed
along. He glutton for work from
then on, though every time he moved 4
much as a foot, for the first fortnight, you
could hear him creak.
Another fellow. hardware man from
Brooklyn in partnership with his brother,
felt like something reduced to clinkers after
his third Muldoon day, and he, too, thought
he had a getaway doped uut
Dunno about how long I can stick
around here. he said to Muldoon, expert
mentally. Hear that my brother-he's my
business partner, you KNOWS right SICK.
=, Too bad commented Muldoon. Hope
he's not as sick as you are. old man and
that chilly Bill Dalton look was In Null
doons eye he said It.
Who? Me? I'm not sick" the Brook
lynite man puffed, for he'd caught the
esoteric meaning Of Muldoon's little remark
right enough
oh aren't YOU? inquired Muldoon. and
a quarter of hour later the puffy Brook
Ign man was out in front OF all the rest Of
US in the road work. painting Ike an over
burdened Eskimo dog in his effort TO show
Muldoon that there wasn't any saffron in
lin. He stuck for the complete course too
While l was on the farm man ac-
tualIy did quit after his fourth day He
was stodgy insurance man from Trenton
and he didn't beat about the BUSH either
when he decided TO quit
I'm through he told Mulnoon Can't
stand the gaff. that's all. l don't care
dang what you or the rest OF EN- say.
either Call me all the wabblers you want
tO-lm through. All this stuff here NAV
come under the head of sporting life, but
me for the asphodel meadows OF Trenton,
and quick"
Muldoon. of course, didn't have any hot
one ready to hand out to fellow as frank
as. all that came to, and the insurance man
left. But he was back just twenty-four
hours later.
" Take me on again he said to Muldoon
They guyed the livers ard lights out OF me
down home for not sticking and I'd rather
wal through the mill here than TO he
kidded into an early grave
And he stuck It out in heroic shane I'm
TO the time 7 was leaving the farm"
Maori Legends.