Evening star., 1907-09-01
Rules Leading to lob of the
Public Printer.
DISCHARGE YOUR BEST MEN
Issue Orders With Regard to Part
ing the Hair.
THINKING TO BE FORBIDDEN
Pay $50, 900 for an Audit System and
Double the Clerical Work Of
Your Office.

Your Office.
Moved by the revelations that have ap-
peared In the columns of The Star con-
cerning the government printing office un-
der the regime and regulations of Charles
A. Stillngs, a correspondent who signs
himself "A Printer Layman furnishes
some breezy and satirical suggestions on
How To Run an Up-to-date Printing Es-
tablishment." lie begins by declaring II
YOU wish to get next to good thing and
profit 10y anothers experience. | VIII give
you some points how to run your plant.
Then he says:
In thu first place do something to amaze
your employees. something which will make
them think that YOU are either crazy or
that they ar laburing under a delusion
You can start in by tearing down the end
walls of your office and placing them at the
sides. You Will have to tear down the side
walls in order to do this. but by an eX-
change of brick you can place portions of
the side walls where the end walls were,
and what you hava left you can use to fill
up the spaces of the side walls that couldn't
be filed by the end walls. there being too
few of them.
Orders on Parting Hair.
"Then start in and issue orders to your
employees beginning with series /, 1907. and
continuing up to 1.O5O. Then you tear down
the walls again and erect them on the floor
above being careful to bring down the
walls of the upper floor and place them
from where you removed the others.
Now begin a new series of orders.
might say original orders. No 1 should
tell them what to do with the money you
give your employees No 2 should tell them
on whirh side they should part their hair.
No 3 tells them not to offend your modeSty
by frequentng saloons within your vision.
No. commands them to be dignifed and
address one another as Mr.. Mrs and
Miss. even If they are father and son or
brother and sister. This order. you will
state. Is not exactly original, as you have
copied the grand idea from great official
discarding OF all reasoning power. the pro-
hibition OF thinking-as you are fully capa-
BILE of doing all the thinking of the Office
and the rendering of obedience to your or
ders without the wink of an eyelash.
''Now establish an audit system II
you are not Original enough to Invent
where from $4,000 to $4,000, but they are
modern and up-to-date. and that Is what
you aiming at Find out the proper
tion of the wear and tear of the type as
they slip through the fingers of the COM
positors. Also the amount OF wear on the
floorboards as they move about in doing
their work the time 1t takes to decipher
their copy, and the time it takes to set 1t;
also the time lost in going to and from
the water cooler. and any other minor cost
which may have escaped observation at
this writing.
Clock, Card, Pencil and Pad.
Furnish each employe with a clock.
card. a pencil and pad, wherewith to
figure the lost time and a list of Jacket
numbers which they are to enter on the
card against the time employed. To be
sure, the time lost in figuring minute
ar estimate may reduce their days work
considerably, but that won't count, since
you are doing work on a business basis.
These cards must be turned in to the aud
iting committee twice each day, and every
thirteenth minute of the workmans time
must be devoted strictly to his tally sheet.
on penalty of dismissal. This auditing COM
mittee may be expensive. also but you
know your business. and let it go at that.
when your maker-up comes to do his
work he may find that he needs three leads
with which to justify his printed matter.
1t may b. time to go to press, but business
Is business. Compel him to make out
requisiton for those leads and appoint
nine different boards to pass upon said
requisition before it reaches the lead man.
Il may take several hours to do this and
you may miss the mail. but business is
business and let it go at that.
Now comes reorganization. Here Is
where you must show your genius. In the
first place. group your employees, making
grand divisions of them, with high-sound-
Ing titles. so high, in fact. that in craninS
their necks to reach your theoretical alti-
tude your employees and the public may
lose sight OF the practical and soar with
you to that vast realm of imagination
which must be your strong point in one
who seeks to be original and partake
IL huge chunks of the sophistry which you
deal out. which is so necessary, as dust In
the eyes OF those alert minds who might
- Il tl..tr G1taFR No NJ n
ric OF your creative genius. Appoint a grade
OF officials. one over your foreman (chiefs
should say). one over the man who is over
your foreman. one who Is over him, TIL
you reach ten graded officials. All this
may cost money, but what do you care?
Business is business.
Doorkeeper for Presswork.