The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1907-08-31

Miss Smith has written a problem
novel, hasn't she?" Yes" What is
the problem?" "How to make it SELL"
Life.
Dramatic Critic during the second
act Some persons are born lucky
The author of this play died before it
was produced.-Puck.
Life is so uncertain" she said. 81
know It," he replied. Lets get mar
ried. One of us may die within few
years."-Chicago Record-Herald.
Wiggs-Why do you always regard
him with suspicionY Waggs-Well,
every time 1 see him he has differ
ent umbrella.-Philadelp Record.
Teacher-Miss Badger. what do you
understand by "the privileged classes?"
Coed-The botany class. They can go
out in the woods once in a while.-Chi-
cago Tribune.
Suitor-I have the honor to ask for
your daughters dowry. Irate Pal
beg your pardon, sir! Suitor-Excuse
me; of course I meant your daughters
hand.-Vie Pour Rire.
Marie, If James asks you to marry
him tonight, tell him to speak to me-"
And If he doesn't, mamma?" Tell
him / want to speak to him."-Wom-
ans Home Companion.
II see, Katie, that New York Is to
have one policeman to every 521 in
habitants," said the lady of the house.
well, ma'am. I've got mine." was
Katie's reply.-YoAkers Statesman.
Newlywed-My wife only allows me
three hooks in the closet to hang my
| wardrobe on. Oletimer-Dont worry.
Before you've been married long one
hook will be enough for all your ward
robe.-Stray Stories.
"Bllgglns says that when he went to
school he was one of the brightest boys
| In his class" YES" answered the
| sporting man, "that's where so many
of us fall dOwn-getting out of the
class. Was 'Ington Star.
Mr.. Wholesale-My boy, l hope you
save something out of your weekly sal
airy of So. Boy-Yes. sir; save 81
week. Mr.. Wholesale-Ah! I knew
l was paying you too much! After this
Pm give you two boston Post.
Papa says" remarked the heiress,
that you're more fortune hunter"
well, now, my DEAR" replied the
shrewd fellow, that's more or less true.
Your face is your fortune, and that's
what attracts me."-Philadelphia Rec
ord.
10000 my!' exclaimed little Tom
my, hearing church organ for the first
time, whats that?" Ssh" whispered
his mother, that's the organ" Good
nessi 1t must be an awful big monkey
that goes with that" Philadelphia
Press. .--..a
Magistrate Ito prisoner)-What, you
here again? l hadn't seen you lately,
and hoped you were reformed. How is
1t that you have again gone back to
your old ways? Prisoner-Because
am only just out Of prison, slr.-Bon
Vivant.
"Deary me. John, here's another poor
|
autymobubbles!" THAT amt nothln,
mother. They do say as in Rooshia
thousands O. poor folks are killed in
the streets along O. this ere autocar.
"-The Bystander.
Cynic (savagely) They say the FASH
ionable mother of to-day recognizes her
baby only by looking at the nurse.
Fashionable Mother (unmoved) How
extraordinarily clever, when one
changes nurses so often! I always tell
ours by the mail cart.-London It'd
Bits.
II took out life insurance in order
to put something by for rainy day."
Yes" answered the cynical citizen
who has been following the life insur-
ance investigation, "but you know how
little conscience some people have about
another mans umbrella. "-Washington
Star.
Kind Lady Ito little boy with big
swelling in his cheek)-Poor little
chap, he has evidently got bad gum
boil. Here are two sous: does your
| tOONh uShC DduL1 DoJ ktCluOf-
ing the "gumboil'o-Oh. no, ma'am;
was just sucking big piece Of taffy.-
Nos Lolsirs.
The young widow of an old husband
inscribed the following words upon her
dear departed's tomb: ITO the men,
, DRY Of Mathurin Bouquet, who left
, this vale of tears at the age Of 90
years, II month and 20 days. deeply
grieved at having to leave behind him
the most charming and faithful of
wives."-Pele Mele.
where are you Off to in such a hur-
: yT ITO the doctor for MY husband"
whats up with him p" He tells me
: he has got hepatitis, dyspepsia. rheu-
: matlsm, enterltis. gastritis, ,appendi-
: citis, nephritis and cerebro-splnal-m men,
ingitis" Holy terrors! Where did he
get all thatq" "why, a man Induced
him to buy medical dictionary, and
he's just begun reading it"-Brooklyn