davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30

j might be pleaded in defense Of the
destruction of some public land records
that it was undesirable 10 preserve Il
lIscrcdiLable thing
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30

4" Efie, said Margie, who was lsbo
lously spelling words from a first rss
er, how can j tell which is "a n
which is 4 b'2'
Why replied Fife. wisely, 81
d has its tummy on its back. I'D
per's Weekly.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30

Perhaps 1T will be time enough TO IN
terfere when one Of those warning Cen
tral American republics admits that
one president is enough for both.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30
A REGULAR PATRON

"Hello, Rummel, l hear your mt
has been stolen?'' 'e'
Yes, but the thief has already h.
arrested. Only fancy, the stupid +
low took it TO the pawn shop! M
it was at once recognized as mine !,
the thief WAS at once locked I'm. D
Translated for Transatlantic n,
from Fliegende Blaetter ~
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30

Apostle Smoot knows for himself that
If bc were 20 remain permanently away
from Washington the Government
would 90 to the bow-wows.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30

The judicious use OF Chinese fire.
crackers might attract the attention of
the source of that revelation which the
bogus prophet has not yet received
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30

He-Aud your father won hear of
me.
She-It seems to me that he s heard
too much of you AS it is.-Bocian.
Now then, tell me where lead is TO
be found.
''Please. sir, in every loaded re.
volver. Kruger.
She (not knowing what TO say)-
Dreadful weather we re having just
now.
He--Well, better than none at ALL
Bocian,
Hotel Guest (to chambermald) And
in my bed,
Maid-And what did YOU expect to
find there ?-Bocian.
What is a politician, Tommy7n
a man who makes speeches, sir - p
But | make speeches and am not
politicians.
81 mean a man who makes clever
speeches. ''-Bocian.
Maid Crushing into the room )-Oh.
ma am. our young lady has gone and
run away with the coachman.
Fond Mamma-The coachman' And
who's 20 drive me 10 the theater 10.
night, / should like to know ?-Bocian.
There was no room in tine omnibus
and bashful Mr., B. took his little girl
on his knee. Enter a beautiful young
lady. Seeing her. the little girls calls
out at the top of her voice:
sob, papa, LII give the lady my
scat, ''-Slovo
L.
men with coffin 10 a fiat on the first
floor. By mistake they rang at door
on the second floor where a man was
lying in bed very i'll The stupe6ed
servant let them in, The sick man s
feelings. when he saw the coffin, can
he imagined. Sitting up in bed. his
voice shaking with horror. he roarcd:
eco away, I'm not dead yet
"That doesn Z matter, was the
placid answer "wc II wait. ''-Boclan.
During some maneuvcrs a lieutenant
was shot in the leg They took him to
the hospital, where the doctors began to
cut his leg about, After bearing it in
silence for some time. he asked;
What are. You doctors butchcriug
me like this for7'
I'VE re looking for the bullet" one
answered.
"Bullet? Why didn' YOU tell me be.
fore7 I've got 1T in my pocket. -
Bocian.
''Don I stand under the chandelier.
1t NAV drop grease on your frock -
But 1t s electricity. mamma.
''Never mind, it's best to be care
full. ''-Bocian.
:" You ought TO marry Miss d., sir.
She is rich. has had q good musical
education aud only one drawback
slight squint.
"a slight squint indeed. It's so
bad that when she cries the tears run
down her back. '-Bocian
FLOWERS WITHOUT FRUIT.
Prune thou thy words; the thoughts con-
troll
That DER thee swell and throng-
They win condense within thy soul
And change 10 purpose strong.
But he who lets his feelings run
In soft. luxurious flow,
Shrinks when hard service must be done,
And faints at every woe.
Faiths mesnest deed moro favor bears I
Where hearts and Wills are weighed
Than brightest transports, shortest pray
ers.
,.I<
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30
LITTLE MARYls nA1N1o,-

Mother-You re very fond Of !,
dolly, aren't you. dear1 y
Little Mary-Yes, she's nice, 8,
anybody else 7 know. VI
Mother-Oh. mol She's not =;
than your mamma, surely1 ~
Little Mary-Yes. she is. 'cauo.
don t never disturb me when I'm !.
ing! " y
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30

Lady (to dinner partner irving
kiss her in the garden Sir. YOU 4
wasting YOUR time! I am married.
81 don I care IN not a bit ip
Gus ''-Translated for Transatlsn
Tales from Simplicissimus.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30
OF SUBSCRIPTION.

Business communications should De ao-
dressed. The Tribune. salt Lake City,
Utah"
Matters for publication. to Editor The
Tribune. Salt Lake City, Utah.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30

In dealing with Spectators in cop
per. Tom Lawson seems to have a neat
little ''systcm Of his own,
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30

Impecune-Hello, old man; YOU dor
know anyone who would lend ma
dollar just now, do you1
Gotrox-Well, no; all the peouls
know, know you, too,-Translatsd h
Transatlantic Tales from LIE Fiparn
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30

\ most appreciated exhibition of gal.
lantry on the part OF the weather bu
rcau would bc a fine day on Sunday.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30

Mr.. Dclmas could say that his client
is not the oaly person who smiles at
the lunacy commission.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30

Considering their own i'll fortune,
some men are inclined to the belief that
Jonah was not swallowed by inc whale
at all
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30

The Legislature having adjourned,
Uncle Sam s business may receive some
attention from the Federal bunch
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30

IA this day of graft it seems to be
necessary TO put locks oven on the
Panama canal.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30

If they had a mind to do so, many
ladies would be able to give railroad
engineers much information about
5witchcs
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30

While that Panama oil pipe line may
not be constructed Of lead, il may still
contain the elements of a cinch
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30

Customcr-You We given ME
phine instead Of quiuine,
Druggist-Is it possibleI In
case you owe me 25 cents more,-F
PariSien.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30

Would strike OF railroad employees
he viewed as combination in restraint
pf travel?
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30
Spasms of. the Humorists

Star Actor must insist, Mr.. StaRer
on having real food in the banquet
scene. Manager-Very we'll then, if
you insist OH that you will be supplied
with real poison in the death scene
Boston TRANSCRIPT
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30
Saturday, March 80, 1907.

Apparently the Goldfield st. John is
moi considered to bc of the divine class.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30

lutely destroy that institution and rem
der it useless to the State and often
sive to the Nation.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30

on having real food in the banquet
scene, Manager-Very we'll then. If
you insist OH that you will be supplied
with real poison in the death scene
Boston Transcript,
The Beggar-Can t you spare poor
cove n dime, idy7 The Passerby-A
dime! / should think not. indeed. Be
sides, you re only blind in one eye. The
Beggar then, can't yer make it
Il nick]e, lidya-Sketch.
"Pshaw.' remarked Iigley. looking
up Mt the clear, blue sky, ~ m sorry
! took this umbrella now well,
well!' exclaimed Hammer. 'I didn Z
suppose your conscience ever troubled
you that way. Philadelphia Press.
care you engaged" asked the
oqne n" os thinking ss had TeDS ns5ed the
girl, "but for this evening only. There $
my engagement ring now, she added
rs the electric doorbell sounded-Phil-
adelphla Ledger.
Mrs. Scrappngton (in the midst Of
reading is an item which says
that fullgTowP rhnoGea4ns cost osniy9W S,E9oo
En-, YAH And ism t it a pity that wo-
men can { wear them on their hats?-
April Smart Set.
"Papa' asked the eminent sur,
geon's petted daughter, "what is the
appendix vermiformis good for any
wayl'' my dear answered tho
eminent surgeon, the last one re-
moved was good for that sealskin sack
you are wearing. Chicago Tribune.
.'That's a pretty bad job of snow
shoyehng," growlod the householder
Understand, sir" be replied. 81 took
the full snow. .shoveling course In a
school of correspondence. Naturally
the abashcd critic felt there was moth
ing more 10 be said,-Philadelphia Led
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30
Willie. said the minister.

Willie" said the minister.
Now, tell me II you can
What kind of marks you got q, al.
Last week my little man" ''he
well. sonfe OF em.' the bov ro,,,.s
"Wus red. hut they wus few.
The most OF them I got last wesr
Wus simply black an blue"
-Denycr Pa,
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30

Tho statement in these columns yes.
teroay that the increase in The limit on
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30

at the Postofrice at Salt Lake
City as second class matter.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30
PROBABLY CATCHING

A young matron Of Baltimor.
entering her nursery, found her, he, Up
est in tears. nor youl
why, what g the matter with r.
ry?' she asked the nurse. "'n u
He s mad, num-" explained -.
So because / wouldn't let him ~ hui
Simonses across the strate. ), ~ 70
And why wouldn't Won let h;-
Norah7' nim
Because. MUM, they're bsvin, :,
rades, 40 he said, an I Tasrss q
whether he'd had thin or NOT - y y
per s. Weekly.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30

There was no room in the omnibus
and bashful Mr., B. took his little girl
on his knee. Enter a beautiful young
lady. Seeing her. the little girls calls
out at the top of her voice:
FOb, papa. LII give the lady my
scat r'-Sloyo
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30

"What is a politician, Tommy7n
81 A man who makes speeches, sir. -
But | make speeches and am not a
politicians.
81 mean man who makes clever
speeches. ''-Bocian.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30
For Laughter $ Sal,
IN THE DRAWING poo,

Geek (Who has already
guests with many sonQs}-WIaned tbe
home, va" 1hen "a
Lady-Pardon me, but do vor a.
much Importance to tho ordsr stiach
programmed f-Fliegende Blaettc,o ol Sohl
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30

Maid Crushing into the room m)-Oh,
ma am. our young lady has gone and
run away with the coach hman.
Fond Mamma-The coachman, And
who's 10 drive me 10 the theater 10.
night, / should like to know ?-Bocian.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30

''Don t stand under the chandelier.
IL NAV drop grease on your frock -
But 1t s electricity. mamma
''Never mind S best to be care
full ''-Bocian
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30

Hotel Guest (to chambermaid) And
tell your master that l found nm insect
in my bed.
Maid-And what did YOU expect to
find there ?-Bocian.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30

You ought TO marry Miss d., sir.
She is rich. has had q good musical
education aud only one drawback
slight aquint.
"a slight squint, indeed It's so
bad that when she cries the tears run
down her back. 'f-Bocian.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30
Polish Jokers

He-Aud your father won't hear of
me-
She-It seems to me that he s heard
too much of you as it is.-Bocian
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30

She (not knowing what TO say)-
Dreadful weather we re having just
now.
He--Well, better than none at ALL
Bocian,
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-30

Now then, tell me where lead is TO
be found.
''Please. sir. in every loaded re.
yolver. 'i-kurger.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-12-03
REPEAL WOOD PULP DUTY.
Abolition Of Tariff on All Forest Pro-
ducts Recommended.

There should be no tariff on any for
est product grown in this country. and
In especial there should be no tariff on
wood pulp, due notice of change being
of course given to those engaged in the
business so as to enable them to adjust
themselves to the new conditions. The
repeal of the duty on wood pulp should
If possible be accompanied by an agree
ment with Canada that there shall be
no export duty on Canadian pulp wood.
Mineral Lands.
In the eastern United States the
mineral fuels have already passed into
the hands of large private owners. and
those of the west are rapidly follow
ing. 1t is obvious that these fuels,
should be conserved and not wasted.
and it would be well to protect the peo-
pie against unjust and extortionate
What has been plished in the
great OIL fields Of the Indian Territory
by the action of the administration Of
fers striking example of the good re-
suits Of such policy. In my judg-
ment. the government should have the
right to keep the fee of the coal. oil
and gas fields in its own possession
and to lease the rights to develop them
under proper regulations or else, if the
congress will not adopt this method
the coal deposits should be sold under
limitations to conserve them as pub.
lie utilities. the right to mine coal be
ing separated from the title to the soil
The regulations should permit Goa
lands to be worked in sufficient guam
tity by the several corporations. The
present limitations have been absurd
excessive and serve no useful purpose
and often render it necessary thai
there should be either fraud or e,se
abandonment of the work of gettins
out the coal.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-12-03

ebeyed only by the honest and disobey.
only as a penalty upon honest men.
Moreover, no such law would hamper
an INSCRIPTIONS man of unlimited
means from buying his own way into
Office. There is very radical meas
ure which would, 1 believe, work 4
substantial improvement in our sys-
tenn of conducting a campaign, al
though l am well aware that it will
take some time for people so to famil-
iarize themselves with such n proposal
as to be willing to consider its adop-
ton. The need for collecting large
campaign funds would vanish If con-
gress provided an appropriation for
the proper and legitimate expenses OF
each of the great national parties, an
appropriation ample enough to meet
the necessity for thorough organiza-
ton and machinery, which requires a
large expenditure of money. Then the
stipulation should be made that no
party receiving campaign funds from
the treasury should accept more than
a fixed amount from any individual
subscriber or donor, and the necessary
publicity for receipts and expenditures
could without difficulty be provided.
A National Gallery of Art.
There should be a national gallery
of art established in the Capital City
OF this country. This is important not
merely to the artistic, but TO the ma
terial, welfare of the country, and the
people are to be congratulated on the
fact that the movement to establish
| such a gallery is taking definite form
under the guidance of the Smithsonian
institution. So far from there being
a tariff ON works of art brought into
| the country, their importation should
| be encouraged in every way. There
| have been no sufficient collections OF
| objects of art by the government, and
what collections have been acquired
are scattered and are generally placed
| in unsuitable and imperfectly lighted
| galleries.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-12-03

nither and :oither, utterly destroying
the pastures and leaving waste be-
hind, so that their presence is incom-
patihle with the presence of home
makers. The existing fences are all
illegal. Some of them represent the
improper exclusion of actual settlers,
actual homemakers. from territory
which is usurped by great cattle COM
panies. Some of them represent what
is in itself a proper effort to use the
range for those upon the land and to
prevent its use by nomadic outsiders.
All these fences, those that are hurtful
and those that are beneficial, are alike
illegal ard must come down. But it is
an outrage that the law should neces-
state sysch action on the part of the
administration. The unlawful fencing
Of public lands for private grazing
must be stopped, but the necessity
which occasioned 1t must be provided
for. The federal government should
have control of the range, whether by
permit or lease, as local necessities
may determine. Such control could Sc
cure the great benefit Of legitimate
fencing, while at the same time Sc
curing and promoting the settlement
of the country. In some places it may
be that the tracts of range adjacent to
the homesteads of actual settlers
should be allotted TO them severally or
In common for the summer grazing of
their stock. Elsewhere it may be that
q lease system would serve the pur-
pose, the, leases to be temporary and
subject to the rights of settlement
and the amount charged being large
enough merely to permit of the eff
cient and beneficial control of the
range by the government and of the
payment to the county of the equiva-
lent Of what it would otherwise re-
ceive In taxes. The destruction of the
public range will continue until some
such laws as these are enacted. Fully
to prevent the fraud in the public lands
which through the joint action of the
interior department and the depart
meIt of justice we have been endeav-
oring to prevent there must be further
legislation and especially a sufficient
appropriation to permit the department
of the interior to examine certain class
es of entries on the ground before they
pass into private ownership. The gov
eminent should part with its title
only to the actual homemaker. not tC
the profit maker who does not care tC
make home. Our prime object is tC
secure the rights and guard the inter
ests of the small ranchman, the man
who plows and pitches hay for him
self 1t is this small ranchman. this
actual settler and homemaker who in
the long run is most hurt by permit
ting thefts of the public land i'll what
ever form.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-12-03

Of the past few weeks it is evident
that the advantages Of such an institu-
ton are still more far reaching. Tim
i'd depositors have withdrawn their
savings for the time being from ma
tional banks, trust companies and saw
ings banks, individuals have boarded
their cash and the workingmeu. their
earnings. all Of which money has been
withheld and kept in hiding or in the
safe deposit box to the detriment of
prosperity. Through the agency of the
postal savings banks such money would
be restored to the channels of trade, tC
the mutual benefit of capital and Ia
Dor.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-12-03
CAMPAIGN EXPENSES.
Corporations Should Not Contribute and
Gifts Should Be Published.

Under our form of government vot-
ing is not merely right, but a duty,
and. moreover. fundamental and nee
essary duty If a man is TO be good
citizen. 1t is well to provide that cor
porations shall not contribute to presi-
dental or national campaigns and fur
thermore to provide for the publication
Of both contributions and expenditures.
There is, however, always danger in
laws Of this kind, which from their
very nature are difficult of enforce
naeut, the danger being lest they be
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-12-03
FOREST RESERVATIONS.
They Should Be Vastly Increased to
Conserve Resources.

Optimism is a good characteristic.
foolishness. We are prone to speak of
the resources of this country as mex
haustible. This is not so. The mineral
wealth of the country, the coal. iron.
oil, gas and the like, does not repro
duce itself and therefore is certain to
be exhausted ultimately, and wasteful-
ness in dealing with it today means
that our descendants will feel the ex-
haustion generation or two before
they otherwise would. But there are
certain other forms of waste which
could be entirely stopped. The waste
of soil by washing, for instance, which
is among the most dangerous of all
wastes now in progress in the United
States. is easily prcventable. so that
this present enormous loss of fertility
is entirely unnecessary. The preserva-
ton or replacement of the forests is
one of the most important means of
preventing this loss. We have made n
beginning in forest preservation. but it
is only a beginning. At present lum-
bering Is the fourth greatest industry
in the United States, and yet so rapid
has been the rate of exhaustion of TIM
Der in the United States In the past
and so rapidly is the remainder being
exhausted that the country is unques-
tionably on the verge of a timber fam
Inc which will be felt In every house
hold In the land. There has already
been rise in the price of lumber, but
there Is certain to be a more rapid and
heavier rise in the future. The present
annual consumption of lumber is GER
tainly three times as great as the an
nual outgrowth, and if the consump-
ton and growth continue unchanged
practically all our lumber will be ex-
hausted In another generation, while
long before the limit to complete ex-
haustion Is reached the growing scar
city will make itself felt in many
blighting ways upon our national well
fare. About 20 per cent of our forested
territory is now reserved In national
forests, but these do not include the
most valuable timber lands, and in any
event the proportion is too small to ex-
pect that the reserves can accomplish
more than mitigation of the trouble
which is ahead for the nation. Far
more drastic action is needed. Forests
can be numbered SO as TO give TO the
public the full use of their mercantile
timber without the slightest detriment
to the forest, any more than 1t is a
detriment to farm to furnish har-
vest, so that there is no parallel be-
tween forests and mines, which can
only be completely used by exhaustion.
But forests, If used as all our forests
have been used in the past and as
most Of them are still used, will be
either wholly destroyed or so damaged
that many decades have TO pass before
effective use can be made of them
again.
All these facts are so obvious that II
Is extraordinary that it should be nee
essary to repeat them. Every business
man In the land, every writer in the
newspapers, every man or woman of ar
ordinary school education. ought to bt
able to See that immense quantities OF
timber are used in the country, thai
the forests which supply this timber
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-12-03

l commend to the favorable consid.
Grafton of the congress a postal saw
ings bank system as recommended by
the postmaster general. The primary
object is to encourage among our peo-
pie economy and thrift and by the use
of postal savings banks to give them
an opportunity to husband their re-
sources, particularly those who have
not the facilities at hand for deposit
ing their money in savings banks.
Viewed. however. from the experience