davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1907-09-24
Humor
MARY LANES REASON.
Why She Wanted a Divorce From
 Jim, Her Hubby,

Why She Wanted Divorce From
 Jim, Her Hubby.
 One Monday morning some time ago two colored women happened to be sit ting next each other in a U street car, when one of them turned in surprise and, looking her companion up and down, said:
 Law! May Jane, is dat you? What in de name CT gracious is you all dress ed up so fine fur dis soon in de morning."
 "rse gwine ter cot" she proudly re: piled.
 "Gwine ter cot? Is you been en got inter a fightT
 "No, indeed. don neber git in no 'sputes en quar'ls." "Den is you been cotch' takin' any thing?"
 "AIe cotch' takin' anything! No, in- deed. I don neber lay my hans on nothin' don b'long ter me-"
 "Den what you gwine ter cot fer" 'T'se gwine ter git a divo'ce fun Jim."
 "Git a divo'ce fun Jim! Why, what is Jim done? Is he beat youT'
 "Jim beat me! No, indeed! Dat lie ain't. Jim ain't neber spuck Q cross word ter me in his whole life"
 ''Den don't he spot you?'
 "Jim spot me! reckon Jim do He come home de minute he gifts his wagins en lays 'em all ret in my lap. Spot me! Why, Liza, Jim would tek his skirt off'n his back ter gib ter me" "Den in de name CT goodness, May Jane. what is you gwine git a divo'ce fun Jim ferT'
 Well. Liza, I tell you de trufe-I jes' natcherly los my tas'e fer Jim."- Lippincotts.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1907-09-24

guessed it was your baby Dr. Everett wrote me about. I-I-have brought some food for the baby and some fruit for your little girl"
 Mrs. Murphy slipped away, and Mrs. Larsen sat down with the baby in her arms, while Betty tried to make friends with Kilda.
 Had you already bought bottle of the food Dr. Everett recommended, Mrs. Larsen?"
 'No, Miss. I hat no money. There iss no money in de house to-day-and I haf went to see two ladies, but they wass not in." Her voice was low and gentle; there was no hint of reproach in it. Betty blushed scarlet. Mrs. Larsen-and have kept you waiting for your money! Why didn't you tell me? I never dreamed you could need it so." The tears stood in her eyes.
 The next day Dr. Everett returned, and, of course, hastened to the home of his fiancee. Betty threw herself in his arms. "oh, Harry, I thought you would never come. I've wanted you SO muchl And you must saye- that baby, and I'll never keep anyone wait ing for their money again" Dr. Everett looked somewhat bewildered at these impetuous remarks, but he was used to his small sweetheart's ways, so presently he drew her down beside him and said: Now you can tell me all about it."
 And Betty did so, not sparing her self in the least And, Harry, I just couldn't wait for papa to come home that night, so returned my new hat to Madame victoria's and asked her to give me back the money for it. I have bought so many hats there for years that she was willing to do me the fa- vor, and took the money to Mrs. Lar sen at once. Oh, Harry, if the baby had died, I should always have felt that it was my fault for keeping back the money when it was so much needed.
 And, Harry-are you quite sure you won't mind me wearing my old hat7 The new one was so pretty"
 Dr. Everett clasped her to him. My darling. I'd love you just as much if you wore a eoal-scuttle on your head." And he kissed the sweet face.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1907-09-24

some seven years, with baby on neI lap. The baby was choking and gasp ing and evidently in need of help. entered the room, found the little girl alone with her charge, and I was able in short time to relieve the babys suffering. The mother, widow, was away at work, and the small seven year-old was left with the entire charge of the baby during her moth CTS absence. The infant was feeble and sickly, evidently poorly nourished I wrote down the name of baby-food that has been very successfully used at our hospitals, and urged her to get some at once.
 Now, Betty, dear, have thought of that poor baby so many times since yesterday. I am afraid the mother does not realize the importance of get. l ting better food for the little one, and as she probably does not read English (she is Swede), she may not be able to read and follow the direction on the bottle. I wish you would go down and see her, and see that she under stands it. You might take a bottle of the food (X-s) with you. I would have got some for her, but had no time that day, as I was already late for an appointment When I return l will see about getting the child on the list for the Floating hospital. A little care now will save the baby-lacking this, it has small chance for life"
 Betty had no difficulty in finding the street and house to which she had been directed. As it chanced she ar rived at a time of some excitement. Hilda, the seven.year-old sister, had been alone with the baby when it was suddenly seized with convulsions. Hilda had laid the child on the bed and had run hastily to kindly neigh bor on the floor below. a Mrs. Murphy. Mrs. Murphy had promptly come to the rescue, armed with a steaming tea kettle. and with practiced hands was making ready to give the baby hot water bath.
 It was just at this moment that Betty arrived. The door was open and she took in the scene at glance. She stood hesitating whether to retreat or advance. but thinking she might be of some service. knocked and entered. In a few words she explained that she was a friend of Dr. Everett, who was here when the baby was sick few days ago.
 Set down, num-" said the woman in friendly tone. with a quick nod to- wards an empty chair. but not paus- ing for an instant in her delft disroblng of the baby.
 Presently the baby fell asleep. Betty. realizing that the danger vas over for the time. drew long sigh of thankfulness and relief
 Just then a step was heard fin the hall. and Hilda cried Mamma" Betty looked up-to see Mrs. Larsen
 Sure. an the little one was III aigin. Mrs. Larsen. but tis all right nov." said Mrs Murphy. Mrs Larsen wIth hardly a glance at Betty. dropped o1 her knees by Mrs- Murphy. and taking the baby from her held 1t closely to her breast and covered the susH face with kisses Tken she rose and said gently -0xcuse me. Miss-but-
 ~Oh. Mrs Larsen exclaimed Betty. fnpalsivelE. T an SO sorTy. and an so glad the bsby Is ssfe-nd 1 nsxsr
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1907-09-24
HER
 AWAKENING
By DOROTHY GORDON
Copyright, by Joseph E. Bowles.)

(COpyrlsht, py JoSepn D. boWAoS.j Betty, having finished the few light household tasks that demanded her at- tention that morning. sat down to fin ish a dainty bit of sewing. It was still early, not yet tea o'clock, when her friend Virginia ran in for brief morning call. -~ Betty held up to her friends ad- hiring view a pretty affair of lawn, lace, ribbons, and dainty stitching, in- tended to be worn when she, Betty, should preside at the breakfast table in new home as the bride of young Dr. Everett
 q do enjoy making some of my pretty things myself" responded Bet ty. Tt wouldn't be half the fun to buy a ready-made trousseau." -.
 Betty, don't you want to come in the city with me? I've got some shop ping to do, and we'll have lunch to- gether. Do come" ...
 q really ought not" laughed Betty, "because if l do go, I know I'll spend some money. There are such pretty things in the shops now-and I've spent all my allowance-and most of this weeks housekeeping money, too. You know papa will never let us run bill anywhere. I don't see how mamma manages when she is home. l spend lots more than she did on the table, and we don't live any bet ter, either. Papa laughs at me and says I must learn economy if I am to be young doctors wife"
 You've been housekeeper now for just three weeks, haven't you, Betty?"
 Two weeks and half,' said Bet ty. q made mamma promise me she would stay at Aunt Emma's a whole month, so she could get a good rest. and I could have a good chance to get some practice in housekeeping. But we didn't know then that Katie's mother would be sick and need her, and I would be without girl all this time. I have woman to do the laundry work and the scrubbing, but l do all the rest"
 And Dr. Everett dropping in al- most every night to sample his sweet ones cooking" laughed Virginia. Would he really know if he were
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1907-09-24

eating sugar or salt on his berries if you smiled at him, Betty? But do say you'll come in the city with me, dear"
 Well. will" answered Betty; but l really mustn't spend any money-if l can help it. l owe the washerwom- an, Mrs. Larsen, for two weeks now" {" "Oh, well, she will have all the more coming to her at once when you do pay her." suggested Virginia, cas- fly. If she had it, perhaps it would all have been spent by this time"
 Betty and her friend looked at" the hats in Mime. Victoria's, with the re- suit that might have been expected. When at last particularly becoming one, light and summery in effect, with pink roses and white muslin, and a brim that dropped and fell in en- ticing ways. framed the pretty girl ish face and set of to best advan- tage all its fresh loveliness. perhaps it is no wonder that the temptation proved too great to be resisted. The hat became Betty's and the last crisp bank-note, that should have gone to pay Mrs. Larsen's hard-earned wage, passed instead into Mime. Victoria's already overflowing cash-drawer.
 Betty had intended to ask her fa- ther for money that evening. but the arrival of unexpected guests quite put the matter out of her head. The next morning her father was obliged to take an earlier train than usual. and in the hustle of getting his early breakfast, the matter quite slipped from her mind.
 Mrs. Larsen came that day to iron, and Betty. not without a twinge of conscience, explained that she was short of money and would have to wait until her father came home that night. to pay for the days work and the past dues.
 Dr. Everett had been called to New York on a business matter connected with the settling Of an uncle's estate. He had been away fer two days. and Betty had that morning received a long letter from hir1 After a few words in regard to the business that had called him away and a page or tvo of lovsriike expressions of long ing to be with her again, he had writ ten:
 Now. my darling. wish you would do something fer nc; I have never liked to trouble yoz with the stories of hardship and sorrow that a man of ny profession mus- see so often: but sometimes ny Betty can help. and doctors wife must be ready at times to give her sympathy and aid to sui feTing nortsls- The day before left New York. I vss called to see poor man oa Gray street As I left his roou-on the top floor of a poor tene- ue1t hoaseI saw through che open cOoT of szother room a little ehild of
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1907-09-24
His Kick.

A traveller putting up at small ho- tel out in California brought the DOT ter up to his room with his angry storming.
 Want your room changed. sirf What is the matterf-
 'The rooms all right" fumed the guest scorchingly. "Its the feas I object to. that's all"
 "Mrs. Hawkins" shouted the porter in an uninterested sort of a voice, -the gent in No. Is satisfied with bis room. but he wants the feas changed- -Harper's Weekly.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1907-09-24
SOMETHING FOR NOTHING.

Why not pay your subscription to the Democrat in advance? It's tn your advantage By so doing you get the wouanis Hone Companion, one of the best 10 cent magazines fxsued. absolutely free The price of pzper and magazine if yoa pay in sdszncs is 4z cents a month. s1-zs for three E0zths or s a year.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1907-09-24
calgino Him Names

Henderson-Let's see; they call the man who runs a motor-car a chauf- feur. don't they!
 Uncle Joseph-WelI. in our village they call him worse names than that
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1907-09-24
Don't Beat Bs5 Ones.

No. Willie Strange as It may seem to yoz. ezg-besters are never used to whip tz5 eSEs---Judge.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1907-09-24
Tfrn tn Rnr+

Disraeli: When a man falls into his anecdotage. it is sign for him to re tire.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1907-09-24
More Than pIes..d.

"weaIly, I detest slang" said Rervy BoreaIL
 -Oh. joyr laughed the pretty girI with the box of fudge
 There it goes again If you say -Oh, Joyr again I shah % straight home veaIy shah"
 "Oh. joy! On. toyl On. joy!-st Louis Post -DfSPatra
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1907-09-24

Would y0u os ~itsout vn.t you r.nt when . zse Ad might rss ns
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-01-04
How Lincoln Won His Case.

.s.pn David j. Brewer, in Atlantic. r
The lawyer whose honesty is proved
has the confidence of the judge and
jury. A story of Abraham Lincoln is
an illustration: he was appointed to
defend one charged with murder. The
crime was a brutal one, the evidence
entirely circumstantial; the accused "a
stranger. Feeling was high and against
the friendless defendant. On the trial,
Lii,coln drew from the witnesses full
statements of what they saw n knew.
There was no effort to confuse, no at
ternpt to place before the jury the facts
other thar they We're. In the argu-
ment, after calling attention to the act
thaL there was no direct testimony.
Lincoln reviewed the circumstances.
and after conceding that this and tina
seemed to point to defendants guilt.
closed by saying that he had reflected
much on the case, and while 1t seemed
probable that the defendant was guilty,
he was not sure; and looking the jury
straight in the face said, Are you %
TIE defendant was acquitted, and aft
erward The real crimin was detected
and punished. How different would
have been the conduct Of many law
yers, Some would nave striven to lead
the Judge into technical errors with a
view TO an appeal TO a higher court.
Others would have become hoarse IN
dcnLnciation Of witnesses, decrying the
lack Of positive testimony and the mar
Velous virtue of q reasonable doubt.
THE simple, straightforward way of
Lincoln, backed by the confidence of
the Jury, won.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-01-04
Steeple Jack Risked His Life.

From the New York American.
A steeple jack risked his life Tuesday
by climbing UP the steep wall of a
building at No. As University place
duplicating, in a fashion, the daring of
another of his profession who scaled
the Flatiron building last week. and
all to stop the ringing of a burglar
alarm that was keeping the guests OF
a fashionable hotel awake.
The alarm placed over the windows
of the Chase and Solow Skirt company
at the fourth story, went off at 2
o'clock in the morning. Across the
street is the Hotel Albert.
The guests were Weakened by the
continuous ringing, despite the fact
that the police found no evidence Of
burglars. Every effort TO reach the in
strument and stop it failed. Employees
of the hotel brought out a ladder and
two slender poles each a story In
height. A young man in the crowd
volunteered to mount the ladder. BY
bracing the two poles together he was
able to poke the alarm with the end
most one. This caused the ringing
TO stop, but the moment the pole was
withdrawn the alarm began again to
ring.
Things were reaching a serious stage
at the hotel when the young mar who
had first volunteered startled the spec
tators by climbing hand over hand up
the wall OF the building. He reached
the alarm and before the crowd knew
what he was abo had the alarm
gagged. He had to hold onto a cor
nice with one hand, while he put the
pole in place with the other.
Joe" Cahill. He came here a few
weeks ago from Norfolk, Va, n lives
at No. 100 Bleecker street. His busi-
ness is climbing fiagpoles.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-01-04
POOR LO MUST WORK
OR CONTINUE HUNGRY
War Department Willing to
Take the Runaway Utes
at Their Word.
JOBS ON THE SANTA FE
Places for Them at S1.3o a Day, Food
and Observation-Disclosures Leupp
Appears to Doubt Their
Sincerity.

Washington, ID. c., Dec. 29.-lnula9
Commissioner Francis r.. Leupp has
had a conference with the president
about tine Utes, n recently went
wandering because they were unable
TO get enough to eat" and he says al.
the braves Will De given an opportunity
TO carr their board by working on tile
Santa Fe railroad.
The war department Will transmit
the offer to the Indians who are now
under restraint at Fort Meade, ;. d..
said Mr.. Leupp, "and we will then seq
how sincere they are in their talk OF
wanting work
Mr.. Leupp said the Indians would lie
given 81 80 a day, board and shelter
The work will take them into the
southern part of Arizona, where the
weather is mild in winter. In the sum.
mer they can find plenty to do furth'r
north, where ii is cooler.
Mr.. Leupp expresses some DOUBT
about the Indians accepting the otter.
If they do not take il, he intimates they
may nave To go hungry.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-01-04
All She Wanted.

Last summer "a philanthropic lady
took u party Of poo children to At
lantic City for a days outing. Later in
the afternoon she saw n little Waif
had wandered away from the others
and was sitting by herself surveying
the ocean with great interest.
why. little girl said the lady, who
escorted the party; you are entirely
alone. Don't you var to play With the
other children"
NO. ma'am,' was the reply. I'D
rather look at the ocean"
And what do You find to interest
you in the water"
There's such a lot of it," responded
the waff, with quiet enthusiasm, "and
it's the only time in me life I've ever
seed enough of anything
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-01-04
CRIED EASILY.
Woman stopped Coffee and

Nervous Woman stopped Coffee ana
Quit other Things.
No better practical proof that coffee
is a drug can be required than to note
how the nerves become unstrIng i'll
women who habitually drink it.
The stomach, too, rebels at being
continually drugged with coffee and tea
they both contain the drug-caffeine.
Ask your doctor.
An Iowa woman tells the old story
thus:
Il had used coffee for six years AMI
was troubled with headaches, nervous
ness and dizziness. In the morning.
upon rising / used to belch up a sour
fluid, regularly.
often | got 80 nervous and miSer-
able ! would cry without the least rea-
son, and l noticed my eyesight was
getting poor.
After using Postum a while, | OBJ
served the headaches left me and soon
the belching OF sou fluid stopped twa-
ter brash from d~yspepsiaJ. / feel de-
cidedly different now, and | am con-
yinced that it is because l stopped cof-
fee and began to use Postum. | can
see better now, my eyes are stronger.
"A friend of mine did not like Post
un, bnt when [ told her to make it like
1t said on the package, she liked it all
right Name given by Postum Co..
Battle Greek, Mich. Always boil Post
INN we'll and 1t will surprise you.
Read the little book, The Road 70
Wellville" In nkgs. There's a re~'
on
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-01-04
ELEVEN YEARS OF ECZEMA.
Hands Cracked snd Bleeding-Nail
Came on of Finger-Cutfcnra Rem
edies Brought Prompt Relief.

lame Ou OF uthcnra Itetn-
edies Brought PrOmpt Relief.
Il had eczema on my hands for
about eleven years. The hands crack
ed open in many places and blad. One
OF my fingers was - bad that the nail
came Off. | had often heard Of cures
by the Cuticura Remedies, but had no
confidence in them as | had tried so
many remedies, and they all had failed
TO cure me j had seen three doctors,
but got no relief, Finally my husband
said that we would try the Cuticura
Remedies, SO we got a cake of Cuticura
Soap, Il box of Cuticura Ointment, and
two bottles of Cutlcura Resolvent
Pills. Of course | keep Cuticura Soap
all the time for my hands, but the one
cake Of Soap and half a box Of Cuti-
cura Ointment cured them. 1t is sure
~ a blessing for Inc to have my hands
well, and ! am very proud Of having
tried Cuticura Remedies. and recon-
mend them TO all suffering with ecze-
INA. Mrs. Eliza A, Wiley, r. +. ID. No.
Q, Liscomb, Iowa, Oct. IS, 1906"
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-01-04

When Bishop Berry, OF the Methodist
: Episcopal church. was a young preach
er he once gave u lecture In a rural
community. Wishing to be witty. he
announced 90 his audience hat he was
va berry and called upon them TO state
what kind OF berry. Nearly every berry
known in the vicinity was guessed. and
the speaker refused to share the quail
old lady. who was not sympathetic.
arose and exclaimed la a squeaky
voice: Il know what kiad of berry
you are. You are a ~gooseberry, and
a very green one at that, Go on with
the lecture And the lecturer did
quickly.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-01-04

II have q young retriever, gentle,
well bred, handsome" says a writer.
Her kindly disposition has won her
much popularity and she IS loved by
the family cat. the green amazon par
rot and the village children A few
days ago some poor little superfluous
Aberdeen puppies had To be drowned.
Blu when the man went TO get the lit
tie bodies 60 give them q decent bu-
rial, two had mysteriously vanished
from the pail in which they had found
q watery grave For a long time we
searched In vain. much puzzled at the
u-naccountable disappearance, until "a
servant volunteered the information
that Maggie had two little dogs In her
bed And here we found them, two
little - licked clean and dry n
gently laid side by side on the straw.
She had hshed them out OF the pail,
carried them there, and. apparently,
done oil she could Co revive them She
has never had any puppies Of her own,
so this seems a curious instance Of ma
ternal instinct
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-01-04
-
THERE is WATER BENEATH.
Artesian Basin Struck in Western
South Dakota.

Pierre. s. D.. Dec. 29.-Another arte-
sian well has been secured on the line
etween here and the Black Hills,
showing positively that the artesian
basin underlies practically the whole
of the western half OF the state, as Wei
as the eastern half. The flow is found
at a much greater depth west of the
river than east of it, the we'll just Sc
cured at Newlin having "a depth o"
1.S42 feet. This is almos double the
depth at which water is found in the
James river valley.
The water In this wen. like that at
Capa, is very warm, having a temperaz
ture OF over 120. and it is accompanied
by a strong flow of gas.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-01-04
WILL FIGHT FOR 1T.
South Dakota Travelling Men Start
2-Cent Fare CAMPAIGN,

Mitchell, S. D., Dec. 29.-Dissatisfied
with the reply of Chairman Mcleod,
Of the Western Passenger association,
to their request for a fiat 2-cent fare
and an interchangeable excess mileage
system, the South Dakota Travelling
Mems associations executive commit
tee met here Saturday night de-
cided to go before the legislature in an
effort to enforce the 2-cent rate.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-01-04

TIE tumble scaliop is the latest of
the b,ytiNes to be used in a cocktail.
Tahasco sauce and catsup, as with
The oyster and clam cocktails, give
spice 70 tho scallop cocktail. which also
gains eavor from pickles. Indian relish
and iiUae juice. Unlik the others, the
sehilop cocktail is baked In cups and
served iiot, Garnished with a piece of
celery tie scallop cocktail Is a provoca-
give 10 appetite and 80, worthy OF the
classification. although IL is eaten with
q fork. and by no means a pick me
hlD."
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-01-04

The candle nut is a native OF the Pa
cific Islands, and the name is derived
from the fact that the kernels are so
full of oil that, when dried, they can
be stuck on reeds and used as candles.
Ehe people of Hawaii. after having
roasted these nuts and removed the
shells. reduce the kernels to a paste.
which. when favored with pepper and
salt, Ia snid to be a most appetizing
iish. The husk OF the nut and the
gum which exudes from the tree have
medicinal values. white the burned shell
Us used to make an indeiible ink, with
which tatooing Is done.