The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1907-08-23
the Man with SASS.

To THE EDITOR OF TIE SuN-SiY: don't
know just what to do with my money. I
have kept IL where 1t is now for a long while.
but IL doesn't earn anything. and so long az
everybody else goes In for speculation / don't
see why I should not take a chance.
l have saved up SASS after a hard life. I
ngure that this sum ought to be SUFFICIENT to
give me decent burial ard pay the lawyer the
usual fee for administering q humble estate.
i don't owe a cent. and I've made q contract
covering all my funeral expenses. including
an appropriate obituary notice. at q cost Of
not to exceed SIS.
OF course the lawyer may deem this amount
excessive for one OF my rank and station.
but that. as I understand 1t. is a question for
the court to decide.
II / could invest my money safely and
profitably before the lawyer and undertaken
obtain vested rights therein l might be able
on the income 1t would earn to enjoy some
Of the luxuries Of life in my declining days.
With this end in view 1 AVE been reading
every paper / could borrow for the last four
months.
The splendid opportunities have seen
advertised have made me disgusted with my
conservatism. and I feel that I have lost many
good investments that a less timid man would
have seized without hesitation.
1 have kept my money for several years
in q gray woollen sock. buried beneath the
fourth plank easterly Of the northwest corner
OF the cellar noor in the old Homestead where
I now i've: but It 10 perhaps only fair to pro-
meters. spectators and others OF l~srcenous
mind to state that before / mail this letter
i shall have removed my treasure to q place
on the premises. refer to my home savings
bank. where as yet thieves nave not at
tempted to break through and steal. The
bank was organized and commenced doing
d, business last week Tuesday, and l am told
that the only dangers l need reasonably fear
are operations from within In the shape Of
solicitations. 1 have decided to assume this
risk in spite Of the fact that the president Of
the bank Is a deacon Of the church to which
l belong.
have seen many tempting offers in min
ing stocks. At first / was very favorably
impressed with a mining and milling com
pany whose president is 4 large. fac man,
with heavy chin whiskers. thick hair combed
a la P~ompadour. and a heavy seal ring on the
third finger Of his left hand; but it suddenly
occurred to me that the removal Of these
impedimenta woul AFFORD a very effective
disguise. so l have latterly bestowed my
attention upon a copper company whose presi-
dent has a perceptible squirt in one eye and
a glaring mole on his chin. 1t seems almost
certain he could not conceal his identity with
out an operation.
have been warned that stocks OF all kinds
are very unstable nowadays; that legisla-
ton has greatly depressed the market. 1t
even appears that the stock on the old farm
has suffered from the effect Of the pure food
law, and that a deceased COW is not worth
any where near what 1t was a few years ago.
This condition OF things, i am told. obtains
TO some extent throughout the cattle grazing
country Of the West. where the practice of
abruptly legislating value out Of a mans
tuberculous live stock before he can dispose
Of It for purposes Of foreign or domestic
consumption Is very severely condemned
as an Infringement OF the rights reserved to
the States.
have also written to several prominent rail-
way officials asking their opinion as to whether
or not IL would be safe for ne to invest ali or
ans part Of $500 in the stocks or bonds of
the companies they represent. All but one
Of them have delayed replying to my in
Quiry. However. l am not annoyed at this
apparent Indifference. for l understand that
SO many demands have been made upon them
recently that In several instances they have
applied to the courts for extensions Of time
to answer. II ] had known they were 90 busy
l would not have written. II seems to me
that one or two more clerks In the ONCE would
not be a bad investment for . railway com
pany that 10 so overburdened with business.
l can scarcely believe that under such con-
ditions the stockholders would object to the
extra expense incurred.
The one reply ! did receive relative To
my proposed investment was from the chair
man Of the board Of directors Of one Of the
large Western railroads. He said that n things
continued In the way they were now xoips
he would soon be willing to take nv 5000 on
any terms l might impose.
He was inclined. however, to be a bit opti-
mistic because Of the general tenor of Presi-
dent Roosevelt's speech to be delivered next
Labor Day. He said that he and his friend.
had perused 1t very carefully, and although
they had failed TO discover anything IN n
particularly helpful and uplifting. still they
were much pleased because It omitted 10
advise any specific prosecution.
He suggested that i Immediately procur,
q COPY Of this speech and read IL praysrfullv.
I have written TO the President saying that no
copies OF his Labor Day speech have "A vet
been distributed throughout the rural dis
tricts and that such discrimination in favor
OF urban populations will not rebound 10
the credit OF his administration. I shall NOT
invest my money until ! hear from him.
ALBANY. August n. WALTER S~ARoEANr.
wants . Business Mar for President.
To a EpIToR or THE SUN-Sir: am
smother who wishes for a business man for
President. Let us nave done with lavyars
and adventures. Start the cry.
II YORK. August 20. CLERK.
"Digniues.'
To a EDITOR OF TRR SuS-S,r. Tn.
Good Book says that We must mot sneak
evil Of dignities." and yet your columns
fairly reek with criticisms OF his MaJesty
President Roosevelt. For Instance, only this