davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-03
Not Ashamed.

Moultop Advert ser.
 Speaker Carmichael says the Ala bama Legislature has done absolutely rothing that he is ashamed of We have always had very Nigh opinion Of Carmi hacl have admired his abil- itv and his bold stand for better nor als. but we are surprised that he IS not ashamed Of some things He ought to be ashamed of the extravaganc ot tho present Legislature. of it's war fare on our railroads. of it's refusal to hear the petition If 5000 farmers for the fertilizer tax to be appropriated to the rural schools, it's refusal to reduce taxation, it's increase m taxation. its increase in offices and in salaries Its dickering to Conner and many other things. are enough to make any patriot hang his head in shame. Let 1t be re naembered that Mir. Carmichael is now regarded as a candidate for Governor. and most likely the not ashamed sneeoh will be the main plank in his aIo Afa.us
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-03
The Hattiesburg P0stomce.-

Mobile Register. A,
 Government ownership deserves the black eye The Hattiesburg Daily News gives it. if the following expllcit m dictment by that paper be true;
 "The Daily News makes the following charges, ali of which can be s"bstan- tiated: .r,,,, aa. layed in distribution, cntailing great annoyance and inestimnble nnancia' loss to the business interests or the city. ;,,t business men (cven wixnin fifteen Teet of the postofice building) are returned to the writer without any enort at de- livery. <. .,.,nas.
 on and to others with street ad- dresses. have been posted as "uncalled for" and sent to the dead letter of- flee at Washington. .o
 That newspaper mail addressed 10 subscribers and full postage paie mas been deliberately torn open by em- ployes of the postoffice and appropri- ated to their own use.
 sSrhat the postoffice Is conducted in a slip-shod manner, without rega-d 70 nuhlic convenience or accommodation
 nd that patrons are not treated with common courtesy in the ordinary dis- charge of official bus,ness.
 "That the postofflce lobby Is Kept in a filthy and unsanitary condition. which ought to be condemned py the health officers"
 The reason why no better care of the public interests Is exercised is because the public cannot ach, directly or in- directly. these negligent and untaltn. ful employees. Even the government cannot reach them, as they are protect ed by civil service rule. so complicated that 1t is almost impossible to success. fully achieve the discharge of the in competent We recall the case of the negro in the Selma postoffice, who was actually a mail thief, yet he was rein stated over the protest of the postmis- tress. If we had more of this govern ment service we would have more of the same sort of bad service; and the bigger the machine ,ne more difficult 1t would be to control.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-03
WORST. ECZEMA Baffled Medical Treatment For . Year, Cured by
 Cuticufa.

"About four years ago was afdicted with black splotches all over my face and | few on my body, which produced a severe itching irritation, and which caused mo . great deal of suffering. l was forced to call in two of the leading physicians of After . thorough examination of the dreaded complaint they announced it to be skin eczema in its worst form. They treated mo for a year, but their treatment did mo no good. Finally I became .despondent and decided to discontinue their services. My husband purchased complete set of Cuticura Remedies, which entirely stopped the breaking out. Contin- ued the use Of the Cuticura Remedies for six monshs, and after that every splotch was entirely gone and the at- fected parts left as clear e ovee. have not felt symptom of tho ecsema for three years. Mrs. Lizzie E. SledCe, $40 Jones Ave. Selma. Ala, Oct. 28. 'O6.
 Complote External and Intesnal Tfeat4nent f4 Every HumOr of lnfAnta, Chi4fen. and Adu3eo conGasts of Cutictra Soap C6cJ to Ceenoe teo 6ktn
 Cuticun Ointaent l6oc.l to Heal the HkA. fa0 t0ticQR Rssolysnt (6Oc tcr the toe4 q C19s0Ats Qossea eil.s 2Ss Dss 9 -, q oq} et S % ns,r ccos
 nSaiIed Hd 1rss' cuficuss Book e skM Diaasaa
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-03
ITCHING P|MP[ES
 TORMENT ] BOYS
Arms and Hands Affected Gould Not Sleep Because of itching Suffered for Two Months Until
 Two Cakes of Cuticura Soap and
ONE BOX OF CUTEURA
 CURED THEM ALL

"I have five boys, from i've to! eleven years of age, who were affected eome time last winter by some kind q skin disease. The worst parts of tho body were around the arms and hands, whao small pimples formed and itched. Tbsy suffered for two months Q that they could not sleep at night. Inoticed en ad- vertisement about the Cuticura Rem- edies and we made . trial of one or two cakes of Cuticura Soap and box of Cuticura Ointment which gave UFeat satisfaction. I washed thear bodiee with Cuticura Soap and then applied Since then they have all been healthy. A. E. Carlson, Norcroas. Trsven O., Ninn.. Nov. 26 and Dec. 23. 1S06."
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-03
DRIF WOOD
BY PHIL H. ARMSTRONG.

You can have a hot time with cold In Georgia after January l: Come in colonel. and have lemonade with me-
 Woman may do some foolish things but she never tries to unlock the front door at ? a. m.. with a fountain pen.
 Instead of calling . girl a Venus, it would be more appropriate as a rule to designate der a Saturn, because with feature.
 When . man goes to a mountain resort He rarely ever figgers. That his bill also includes
 Those lively little chiggsrs
 The man who brags most about his walking ability will be the first to re- mig when 1t comes to parading the bare floor with the baby.
 No wonder Adam and Eve got along so nicely together. The lady didn't have any dressmakers bills.
 One of Frank l.. Stanton's best poems recently appeared in The Atlanta Con- Mint is in the Julep." Brother Stan ton, we might offer an amendment to appear like .xhis: When tho Mint Is in the Julep and the Julep's in the Past" Stepladders and alarm clocks have helped lots of people to get up in the world-Chicago News.
 To say nothing of cyclones and dy- nsmite. or even elevators.
 Oh. no. Myrtle. a baseball pitcher Is ,nf apt1 t-kL as for your thinking that the pitcher that goes too often to the well refers to the baseball variety. fear you are again mistaken. unless you allude to Georgia's team.
 John D. Rockefeller says he can see no cloud on the financial horizon. Yet. where there's so much oil there must be some smoke.
 While there are not many peaches and apples this year. there are less small boy stomach aches 1t will be ob- served.
 Her anger melted in an instant" sings an Alabama poet. We'll. this hot weather is enough to melt any thing.
 The race question with the average man is, T wonder which will be tho winner in todays handicap.
 A Chicago woman sued for $3O,0OO and the jury gave her 80 cents. Well. anyhow, we'll bet she felt like it.
 "Oh. why should the spirit of mortal be hot, when beer may be bought for a quarter a potH demands the poet of The New York Mail But what of thu man-excessively hoI-who longs for the beer. but the quarter hath not.
 -Wasnington Herald.
 And what of the man who the quar- ter hath got and liveth in a State where prohibition is hot?
 Where Men Are Scarce There, little giri don't cry. They have broken your heart, l know. By sending you off to summer resort Where there are no men there to firt
 and to court
 No engagements to make, And right away to break 'Tis d shame to have treated you so. They have shattered your dream of 8
 diamond so high Twill make your nose red-little girl
 don't cry.
 Walter Wellmen is a lucky dog this weather.
 Even Boise will soon be forgotten
 If idle gossip only were.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-03

Few people in this country" re- marks The Richmond News-Leader, know much about the internal poli- tics of the Philippines" Very true, and most of the people wish they knew still less. To alter one word in the above we may say that few people care to know anything about the in fernal politics of the island.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-03

Taft sat down very heavily on Fora ker in Ohio, but whether he can put his mouth out of commission is quite another matter. We predict that the Senator's voice will continue to do bus mess at the old stand
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-03

Cne of the latest claims put up by, or for, the archaeologists is that they have found in Wyoming the remains of a lizard 300 feet long. The originator of that story must have been indulglng in an unusually strong brand of booze
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-03

The annual industrial review edition of The Birmingham Age-Herald is a very valuable compilation of the great things that have been done in the min eral district of Alabama. It shows up in fine style what Birmin gham was, is. and is to be.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-03

They have a politician up in Indian Territory called ''Pussyfoot Johnson, and one paper says he has been accused of taking beer from thirsty men and candy from babies, That is almost as bad as being a Republican.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-03

The farmers of Ohio claim to have the labor problem during the harvest season by adding ration or beer to the regular wages. It is said that this plan catches the hoboes, com ing and going.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-03
Even Boise will soon be forgotten
 < If idle gossip only were.
From . Society Novel.

Lady VanDofunny toyed with her fan as Reginald VonSpendthedough the poor but aristocratic Society Pet. pun ed up in the motor car.
 ''Oh. you naughty, naughty. naughty boy However shall l reward you TOT your propmtness?"
 ''Sh- h -h- -sh-" murmured the eau tious youth whose morning clothes fit ted him elegantly. as he paused to Heck off the ashes of a {. Havana that had lighted upon his coat. T have come to elope With you, lcllle one. Climb aboard ana we will fly, to the realms of eter- nal bliss. To the Elysiam ot eternal happiuess. Come"
 oh. keginaid, I-I--wpuld come to you.' replied Lady Vandofunpy, biting her motor veil viciously. but l know my hat isn't on straight. dnt geI time to put it on properly because ] hated to delay you, knowing you are renting that car by ,le hour
 "Foiled" hissed Reginald, as he or dered the chauffeur 10 wPeei oack 10 the garage, for the words of the naughty maiden were all too true
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-03
GOING OUT OF rOWNs

Subscribers who leave the city tenn pcrartiy slsO IId have The Adertfser mailed .s.~-. .sS-~~~~s will be chang cd a. often ss requested.
 Yoa emu keep fully informed about Montgomery prS Alabama affairs only through Th~ Advertiser.
 "~f"~~ leaving mail or phone your addpess .I'~ ~"-~" Phone 23O. City Circulation Department.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-03

Beveridge announces that he will have something To say later on." but we hope he will postpone it as long as the nature of the case will admit. We are having trouble enough these days,
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-03

The latest crank to be heard from is a British army officer who proposes to set out for the South Pole In an automobile. Next we know some fool will try to make the trip on bicycle.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-03

The South, in 1861. condemned ( what Is now being attempted Tn Alabama It dissolved the Union ( because Northern States resisted (
 decrees of United States Courts. {
 as to constitutional rights of ( southern men. and citizens of the { United States The spirit of our { } institutions, as insisted on by the (
 South in all the past. is that to , have peace and order. process of { courts must be obeyed until re- (
 versed by higher courts.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-03
Needs penitentiary Enlargement.

HartTOFd IIn6s-HerdIU.
 Texas newspapers are calling atten- tion to the limited capacity of the penitentiary and the county 1ails. in view of the fact that the selling of all trust made artic'es has been outlawed by a recent act of the Legislature
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-03
Not a Popular Drink.

AnnIstOu Hot RIast , Africa. which induces .he drinker to tell the truth. It will never become really popular.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-03
PROBATE NOTICE,

The State of Alabama. Montgomery Slaurry.
 Prohato Court. July isth. 1901
 To Martha Shields. wh" resides at Resooee. Texas, and 2 N r, Rushing N ho resides al a.eriochen Fla
 You will take notice that oa tho csIh day f June 1901. certain paper in writing ,,urporting to be tas last Win and testament of Eeheccs EGshlaE. dsceaso1- w&s nset5 In the Probate nf tsiS County by v. H Rushing and herewith his application Ha the probate thereof such win. and thHi the $th day "t August 1901, was app~atAs~i a day for hearing said application, at which time ynu may appear and coatest the slIni If you see proper.
 J R GASroS. sat-St lGS1se of Probate
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-03

E S. Noble, Circulation Manager of The Montgomery Advertiser. being duly sworn says:
 The foregoing statement of The Adver- tisers circulations for the month of June 1907. fs true and correct. and compiled aIter All returns from news boys. news agents spoiled and leftover copies have been ds- ducted 8 NOBLE.
 Circulation Manager Sworn to and subscribed before me this
 RIGA ALEXANDER Seal Notary PVblic.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-03
IITNE CIRCULATION,

The Montgomery Advertiser goaFantssss s It. advertisers tand makes It par. oI .ns oontract whea reQuested) that it's da-.s GIT culatton is larger than that or any uiorMn IF newspapsr printed in Alabama-and tnA. ss M edttion 0f any newspaper printed Ill Alabama without exception
 The figures for June printed below. rep rasent the actual net circulation. all returns having been deducted
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-03

x0I8l ss GU Les Returns etc S.zs4 Hok TOta s'1SS'SAN
 Daily Average. June. 19O7... 1o,334
 Sunday Average. June. l9O7... ..%l,SS1
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-03
Where Men Are Scarce

Walter Wellmen is lucky dog thi weather.
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22
PERSONAL scHARAcTERIsTIcs or
BUGS.

The Beetle Steady-going, conserva-
tive. Lacking in acutness and sensi-
bility. In religion, hard-shell Bap-
list.
The Hornet-Sharp and aggressive.
Deficient in courtesy and politeness.
Never stands on ceremony or any
thing else; sits down hard. Is ner.
vous, and affects other people the
same way.
The Fly-Honest, and affectionate
In disposition. A. great humorist;
tickles some people immensely. Slow
to take offense, but quick to dodge q
hand.
The Bumblebee-Full to the mandi-
bles of commop-sense and industry.
inclined to be loud in conversation,
and Is something of bully. Has
warm heart and red-hot business
end. ss
The Flea-Mercurial and flighty.
Cannot be depended on. A great
traveller, but stops frequently to take q
bite.
The Mosquito-The embodiment of
perseverance. Has a longer bill than
the plumber, and presents 1t oftener.
Works day and night. Is meek and
cheerful under abuse, and sticketh
closer than a brother. Never sings
when 1t is full.
The Ant-A hard worker, and cross,
as most hard workers are. Very in
quisitive, especially as to the texture
Of trousers and pies. Is fond Of pic
MICS when they come, in the regular
line of business. Enjoys good fight,
and can carry off more Doodle at lift
than an alderman.
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22
FEARFUL BURNING SORES.
Boy In Misery IL Years-Eczema In
Rough Scales, Itching and In
Manufactured by cuticura.

"Cuticura has put stop to twelve
years of misery passed with my son.
AS an infant I noticed on his body
red spot and treated same with differ
emit remedies for about five years, but
when the spot began to get larger l
put him under the care Of doctors.
Under their treatment the disease
spread to four different parts Of his
body. During the day 1t would get
rough and form like scales. At night
1t would be cracked, infiamed and bad
ly swollen, with terrible burning and
itching. One doctor told me that my
sons eczema was incurable, and gave
1t up. decided to give Cuticura trial.
When had used the first box Of Cuti-
cura Ointment there was great i'm
provement, and by the time had used
the second set of Cuticura Remedies
my child was cured. He is now twelve
years old, and his skin is as fine and
smooth as silk. Michael Steinman, 7
Sumner Avenue, Brooklyn, N. Y, April
16, 1906"
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22
GOOD Jokes
ADVICE MUCH NEEDED.

He entered the meteorological serv.
ice soffice and said, abruptly, This
'ere's where you give out weather pre-
dictions, Amt IT? No.
The clerk nodded.
Well" continued the old man, Il
thought as how I could come up an
give you some tips.
Indeed" said the clerk politely.
Eyes; I've figured on 1t a little, an
/ find that We amt al'ays right
mo; we sometimes make mistakes"
Course you do. We all do some
times. Now, / was thinkin' as how
line that used to be on the auction
handbills down in our county might
do fust-rate on your weather predic.
lions, an save you q lot of ex.
p1ainin'."
What was the line?"
wind and weather permittin'."
He went down without waiting to
say goodbye.
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22
Queer idea Of Enjoyment.

DR.. Juliet Severance writes in the
Vegetarian Magazine:
Il am often reminded Of o clinic
case brought before the class when
was in .medical college in 1858. The
man had govt and rheumatism, both
the small and large joints being i'm.
movable, and his suffering was severe.
DR.. r. T. Trail, professor Of theory and
practice, was explaining to us the i'm
portance of very strict and abstemi-
GUS diet. The poor fellow tried vainly
to turn his head, and grunted out: I
cant go that; want to enjoy life
while / do live"
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22
Not for Him.

you didn't seem to be particularly
interested in Miss Perkleson." said the
inveterate matchmaker. 81 had hoped
you would like her."
II liked her pretty WELL" replied
the widower, e"and she was very en-
tertaining and all that, but I noticed
that she had projecting chin. My
first wife had that kind. It's pity
that 30 pretty woman should be dis
figured in that way."-Chicago Record
Herald.
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22
EnIIshInq a Superior Motive.

TITS years since I've seen your wife
around SO much. She has always
been more or less of an invalid.
hasn't she?"
Eyes; but thought 1t nonsense, so
told her that / would increase her
allowance, she to pay her doctors
bills. She hasn't had a doctor since,
nor been to his office. You see, she
must have clothes. Great scheme
that. It's a sure cure for fashion
able nvalidism.-Judge.
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22
Keeping Them Under.

Friend-One of your clerks tells
me you raised his salary and told
him to get married. under penalty OF
discharge.
Business Man--Yes; do that to all
my clerks when they get old enough
to marry. don't want any of your
independent, conceited men about my
place.
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22
Voice Of Experience.

I'm mailing an article to maya
zine" asked the literary tyro. lis
there any peculiar way of arranging
the stamps 30 as to convey the idea
to the editor that l am an Old hand?"
you bet there is,". answered Per-
collum. BE sure to arrange enough
Of them on the inside to prepay the
return postage, II you expect ever to
see the article again."-Chicago Trib.
une.
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22
M'kINrEY MONUMENT
TO Be Dedicated In Buffalo Sept. 8.
| Former Residents Invited.

The beautiful white marble shaft
erected by the state Of New York, in
Niagara Square, Buffalo, N. Y, to the
memory Of President Mckinley, is to
be formally dedicated Thursday, Sept.
8, and the event will be the central
feature of Buffalo's Old Home Week,
Sept. 1 to 4 Former residents of Buff
falo and the public at large are cor
daily invited to- attend the dedication.
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22

The Mckinley monument was planned
and executed under the direction Of a
commission of prominent men, at a
cost Of $4,000. Gov. Charles e..
Hughes, with his military staff, will
take part in the ceremonies and Presi.
dent Roosevelt and former President
Grover Cleveland have been invited to
attend and speak. Military parades
will be feature of the occasion.
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22
Possible Explanation.

Said He-A scientist affirms that .
woman's voice ascends to more than
twice the height attained by mans.
Said She-That probably accounts
for 1t.
Said He-Accounts for what?
Said She-The fact that most men
let their wives do all the praying for
the family.--Chicago Daily News.
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22
slIaht Mistake.

First Stranger-Excuse me, but you
are physician, believe?
Second Stranger-You are mistaken.
sir.
First Stranger-But overheard you
say you followed the medical profes.
zion.
Second stranger-And 30 / do. I'm
Al undertaier,--ch icsgo Daily News,
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22
Stuck.

IF you don't want to go into a per.
inanent Decline" announced the physi.
clan, after making careful examine
ton. "you will have to tear yourself
away from your business entirely"
That's pretty hard 10 do. doctor"
said his caller. II am a manufactur.
err OF porous plasters." Chicago Trib-
tine.
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22
inconsistent,

Edyth--I would never marry man
who leads hand-to-mouth existence.
Mayme-What! Do you mean to
tell me that your engagement with
Fred Is off?
Edyth-Certainly not. Why?
Mayme-He's dentist, you know.
Chicago Daily News.
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22
Hla Fatal Mistake.

Fred--So she turned you down. Ell?
Joe-Yes. made the mistake OF
confessing that my heart was in my
mouth when / propose,.
Fred--What had that 10 do with It?
Joe--Oh. she said she couldn't think
of marrying a man whose heart WASH"
In the right place.-.Chicago Daily
News.
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22
Advice Reelproeated.

"You must discontinue your plano
practice for time," said the doctor.
cor It will send you to On untimely
grave"
why don't you discontinue your
practice, doctor2" she rejoined. "Then
you wouldn't fill SO many untimely
grayes."-Chicago Record Herald.
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22
Assumes All Blame.

swell, there's one thing about
Nuritch; he's always ready to confess
his faults"
Nonsense! why he's forever brag-
ging about being self-made."
"Of course. That's Just it,
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22

Clear white clothes are sign that the
housekeeper uses Red Cross Ball Blue.
Large OF. package, cents.
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22

Some men are. so smart in a bust
ness way that people do not care to
do business with them a second time.
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22

FITS, st. vitus Dance and all Nervous
Diseases permanently cured by DIR. Kline's
Great Nerve Restorer. Send for Free 81 90
Id. 93l Arch ST.. Philadelphia, Pa.
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22

Doctor-My motto is BE sure
you're right, then go ahead.
Merchant-Mine Is somewhat differ.
emit; it's "Be sure you get ahead, then
you can make 1t NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
Telegraph.
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22

Mrs. Windows Soothing Syrup.
For children teething, softens the gums reduces In
nammation, alays pain, cures wind coio Csc bottle
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22

Lytesute-So poor Jones, the toy.
maker. has gone out Of his mind!
Stryppes-Yes! He had been busy
for three months on a mechanical
tramp, and he couldn't get 1t to work.
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22

The affection of too many wives II
of the cold-storage brand.
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22

Lewis Single Binder Cigar has a rich
taste. Your dealer or Lewis Factory,
Peoria, Ill.
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22

When they enter theater women
should check their hats and men their
thirst,
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22

DO YOUR CLOTHES LOOK YELLOW
If SO, use Red Cross Ball Blue. 1t will make
them white as snow. 2 OF. package cents.
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22

A woman who has given her lips
has given neutrality-suspicious..
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22

Our idea Of loafer is a man who
rests before he gets tired.
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22

Johnson: "Round numbers" are al
ways false.
The Jasper news., 1907-08-22

It's easy to dress profitable bust
ness in the garb of responsibility.