Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-07-08
SHAW HIS VICTIM
Mark Twain'S First Quip in
England at Expense of
Dramatic Writer.
HAS PLAN TO REGULATE LIFE
American Humorist Tells London Re
porters How He Got Through the
Day, and Other Things.

"A number of these pests" said
Bernard Shaw to Mark Twain, indi
eating by gesture that he was refer
ring to great congregation OF Eng
lish newspaper reporters who stood
about him and Twain in a great circle,
Just asked me whether you were real
~ serious when you wrote The Jump
ing Frog"
Thus opened n brief conversation
that followed the Introduction of Mr..
Shaw to Mr. Clemens by Professor
Victor II. Henderson. Mr.. Clemens
had come over to England to receive
degree from oxford university.
Professor Henderson had crossed with
him on the Minneapolis and had come
up to London with him on the boat
express. Mr. Shaw had come to st.
PancraS station to meet Professor
Henderson, who is an old friend or
his. says special cablegram from
London TO the New York Times.
yes" Shaw went on, these pests
asked me that. and l told them what
| thought to be the truth"
NO uOuDl, DIokt III Will. III
sure that you did me full justice. l
have every confidence that was quite
| safe in your hands"
Certainly you We're" asserted Mr..
| Shaw. Il told them that | had READ
| everything good that you had written.
| and | was able to give them the fullest
| assurance that you always wrote seri-
| ously.''
"NIr. Shaw" said Twain. II assure
you that | can return the compIi-
| ment." With this Twain winked ar
the English journalists, who at once
| burst into laughter and somewhat dis
turbed Mr. Shaw'S equanimity. He
did not know that Twain was loaded.
Just as the merriment was SubSiding.
q nondescript individual with basket
under his arm broke through the jour
nalistic circle and invited attention to
young bull pup.
"'Arf n guinea buys i'm, guy "
he insinuatingly remarked to Mr..
| Shaw. "'Arf Il guinea. only two dol
| lars N arr for the best bull, pup in
England. Larst one I've got, guy nor. -
I'm not an American" protected
Mr. Shaw sell him to Twain. He
has got American money"
But Twain. although he deeply
longed for the bull pup, resisted the
temptation to buy. Directly he had
got rid of the pup peddler, he babe
goodby to Mr. Shaw and moved to a
cab. BY that time he had been more
than three hours under the cXamina-
ton and cross examination of the
newspaper men. but he was not tired
He seemed TO enjoy every minute OF
the time.
In the course of the morning Twain
gave out n new scheme according t.
which he regulated his daily life. HI
asked the reporters to he very careful
to take down his words accurately, rs
the publication of the scheme nigh
he brought to be helpful to others.
Every morning." said he, las sool
as I'm up, | smoke n cigar and ther
have breakfast at s o'clock. Aftel
= breakfast l smoke another cigar anC
then go back to bed. At half past II
| smoke another cigar and start die
tating to my stenographer l finish Il
u o'clock and doZc off till l. | smok.
another cigar and eat lunch. Then
; go back to bed and read what tn
newspapers have to say about me.
smoke more cigars until half past {
Then three assistants dress me for din
ner, evening parties, etc. after wEicl
associate with elite society till
o'clock in the morning. l never go t
bed till my daughter turns out tn
lights, and then | smoke in the dark.
My constitution is improving all til
time"
To the London correspondent of til
New York Sun Mark Twain spoke O
= his voyage as follows:
MY trip over was delightful. TIL
captain was most courteous, but firm
AS felt that he needed my assistanc
in running the boat l used to go up o
the bridge in a nice neighborly fashio
when he wasn't there and tell the otl
( If VOu Want