The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-11-24
MAN WOULDN'T MIND
 IUSITANlA HITTING HIM

NO stenographer when I got to the office, but she'd telephoned to the office boy saying that she was sick and | wouldn't be down. Telephoned for an | emergency stenographer. They sent me | a pompadoured young woman who per | mitted me to dictate to her for two hours | and then she wasn't able to read two | lines of her notes.
 "A check that I'd been counting on to | reach me by the morning mail from Chi | cago didn't show up. Then a man walked l in on me and cancelled an option that he , had on a big line of goods that I'd been l trying to unload on him.
 "Walking upstairs to my office after | lunch--elevators were all too crowded l and l was in a hurry-l stumbled and | skinned the palms of both of my hands | on the corrugated surfaces of the stair ] protectors. My eyeglasses fell off at the ' same time and both lenses went smash. l Dropped around to the barbershop for ! a haircut. Don't take these side locks I off, will your I said to the barber nine | times before he picked up his scissors. | T like lem. want 'em to stick. You II | remember that. won't you?'
 Explicit enough wasn't it? Well, the | first thing the barber did was to chop | off those side locks. I'd have knocked | the head off that barber, only was
 afraid all his barber pals in the shop | might come at me with razors and
 things.
 "Baek of the office. where I found that my office boy had got to tinkering with | a cuckoo clock on a rack above my desk i and the whole contraption had fallen | down on his head and broken to smith, | ereens
 "Then a man dropped in to tell me that | a motor car that I'd been tipped off that
 l could get at perfectly foolish bar
 gain had already been sold to a man l | hate. Then my wife telephoned to me
 that our black maidservant was reeling | around the apartment in state of beast | ly intoxication. and she'd sent for the
 police and we'd have to have dinner | down town.
 q telephoned to her to meet me down
 town along by o'clock, sos we could
 have dinner and then go to show I ] thought I had tickets for. She dldn t 1 show up till half past seven.
 1 "When we got to the theatre l found | that the tickets I'd bought for the show were not on me-rd left them in another | suit So I had to buy two more tickets | from a speculator. Had to dig up $4 a
 throw for the tickets, and then I caught | seat for mine right behind post.
 "Show wasn't half over before my wife 1 told me she was suffering from facial neuralgia, and I had to bring her out. i Nudging along toward the subway. 1, was maced by a panhandler about foot | high, and when I told him l wasn't 1 there with 1t and requested him to roll | away he followed me up for half a 1 block, expressing views about me. "Wen, ne looked like an ex-piano | mover, and I couldn't murder him, and l there wasn't cop in sight. and so he 1 just went right on expressing views, 1 while my wife, hanging on to my arm, 1 kept asking me in a low tone why didn't wheel around and Diff the pam | handler.
 Getting into the subway. drunk about one-third as big again as Taft sat. l first into my wife's lap when the train | jared out of the first station, and then into mine when 1t jolted out of the next | station. My wife asked me why didn't