davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12

Mr. Brandec Matthews says the failure
of simplified spelling is due to the news
papers. They are responsible for many Of
the blessings of this life.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12
Or BiIIhearstf

I'm sick Of all these Elmhursts and
Lyndhursts and SwamphUrsts.
SOP"
Yes. Why doesn't somebody get origi-
nal and name a subdivision Parkhurst? %
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12
FRIDAY LUCK.

Twas Friday when Columbus first
Set foot upon oar soil,
Twas Friday when the rivers CLEAN
Rewarded Huds1n's toll;
Twas Friday when the Pilgrim dads
On Plymouth sat them down:
The Msyfiower. on & Friday morn,
Sailed into Provincct0wntown.
And Friday was the natal day
of our George Washington,
OF Martin Lutb=r, Winfield Scott,
Aud famous Stephenson;
OF Gladstone and Disraeli, too;
OF Isabel and ne
Oh, Friday seemed the lucky day
% days IN history.
And yet. though backed my sober fact,
I cant believe IL 50.
For twas on Friday eve. likewise.
That Isabel said No.
&C. W. H.. IN the Centu
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12
All Records Renten

With Representative Capron. Of Rhode
Island, presiding, the House yesterday
broke even its own record IN the matter
OF pension legislation. IN exactly one
hour and thirty-fve minutes by the clock
S2o special pension bills were passed. Had
the clerks been able to read the titles
raster there is no doubt that greater
number than this would have been passed.
How many hundreds Of thousands of dol
lars VIII be eventually paid ont Of the
treasury under the terms of this record
breaking legislation cannot now be esti-
mated. as the total amount WILL Of course.
depend upon the length OF time the benen-
ciaries viii survive. No objection was
raised to any of the bills Ii will take
almost as much time for the President
to affiX his signature to the 62S bills as
was consumed in passing them.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12
Getting Smaller.

They're talking of altering the Consti-
tuition"
"Well?"
While they're about 1t they might as
well write il: Wee. the people
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12

Prof. Star says HIS photographic records
OF African pygmies' songs will show them
to be the equal of many American popular
airs. Unless they are a great deal better
than the majority. the professor should
be somehow induced to ship the records
back TO Africa
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12

Pshawl We thought the Senate was too
much OF a sport not to stand the House s
little raise. even though Uncle Joe and a
few others sitting IN the game may be
standing pat.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12

The Hon. Morgan Treat intimates that
there ARE very few level-headed men
among Virginia Democra IS" Il is 10 b.
feared that the greater part Of them have
sometimes and somewhere declined to
stand Treat
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12
His Kind.

step right in" said Satan. and get
acquainted with the iends"
II hanks" responded the new arrival.
Where Will / find the bridge whist
fiends2'
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12

According to a Boston paper Mr. Irv-
ing appeared in two parts" We now un-
derstand what that eminent critic was
driving at when he said: Mr. Irving is
not half bad. Notwithstanding the opinion
Of some people"
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12

Winter is itself again.. says the Balu-
more American. Winter is stu very
cleverly disguised as Jure In this vicinity.
provided the Thermometer doesn't catch
this paragraph before the paragraph
catches your eye)
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12

It is reported that Mr. Roosevelt has
written a letter to Mr.. Carnegie in Tigidiy
unsimplifed spelling. il true, simplified
spelling becomes a closed incident.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12

We DO not mind telling the hesitant
Senate that there isn't any joker in Mr..
Cortelyou's resignation of the Republican
committee Craftsmanship.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12

It is to be hoped that the Long Island
gentleman who has won a fortune OF
S1.00000O by abstaining from spiritus fru-
ment for thirteen years will not wade in
now and try to make up for lost time
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12
Caustfc.

at five o'clock this morning one thou
sand people were waiting in line to pur-
chase seats for a theatrical performance.
Most Of them were women"
Your second sentence is superhuous.
my friend"
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12
When Woman Rules.

We shall not have so much red tape
When woman gets her dues.
She'll keep the worlds affairs I'm shape
With dainty mauves and blues.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12

According To the Youngstown (Ohiol
Herald, In searching for a lost article.
Mrs. Thomas fell and broke her wrist. II
was found by Dan DOnnerly." Evidertly.
Mrs. Thomas possessed an Uncommonly
brittle wrist
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12

One by one the Russian terrorists pick
them of \ grand duke here. a governor
there. and police officer yonder. 1t must
be extremely annoying 10 the Car.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12

Perhaps a recount Of the ballots may
merely show that William Randolph Ne
Clellaa was really elected mayor of New
York
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12

a New York congregation presented its
young minister with $50 cash for a Christ
mas present, and he Immediately spent IL
going TO see his sweetheart in town 100
miles away. Next Christmas he will get
embroidered slippers and dinky little book
marks, as usual
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12

zone can read Gov. Heyward's message
without 'cussing at the end Of it," OBJ
serves the Charleston News and Courier.
Isn't that rather novel, in South Caro-
lima
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12
Statesmen and Their Diet.

Now that the Senate lunch hour is pub
licly figuring in legislation visitors to the
Capitol are manifesting curiosity TO learn
what the nations great men eat at mid
day. Only a comparatively few of them
are sumptuous diners, and nearly all of
them, as far as can be judged by the or
ders they give for lunch. eat the simplest
foods. For example. Senator Cullom eats
every day about l o'clock one piece of
pumpkin pie with a glass of sweet milk
to wash it down. Senator Spooner's daily
lunch in the Senate restaurant is one por-
ton of plain hominy. literally sprinkled
with salt and pepper. Senator Elkins
fares more bouuntifully than either Of
these, and nearly always has his lunch
served in his committee room. He starts
with dozen raw oysters and winds up
with rare roast beef or steak Senator
Foraker Is a vOTaCiOus eater at luncheon
and seems Indifferent to the kind or va
Tiety OF the food he orders merely seeing
TO it that there is an abundance Of it.
Senator Lodges favorite dishes are
pOached eggs On toast. followed by a can
of saTdines, and after this black coffee
Senators Aidrich and Hale frequently
convert their Senate lunches into elabO-
rate social affairs. and invariably have
them served iD their committee rooms.
whether or not they have company. The
Rhode Islander entertains society leaders
at these lunches two and three times a
week during the social season. The Sen
ator from Maine also is fond Of having
bright company at his committee room
lunches. Each has handsome silver ser
vices that are used on such occasions.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12

Investigators have discovered that "the
street cars IN New York are suffering
from 1.56S fat wheels" However the suf-
fering Of the cars isn't to be compared
with the suffering Of the passengers.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12

Georgia man was shot by 4 crow
few DAYS since The surprising thing
about this is that the aftermath Of the
late gubernatorial campaign in that State
left a crow Old enough 10 do the shooting.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12

If this weather keeps up. We have no
hesitancy in predicting an ice cream fam
inc next summer at o'clock.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12

WHO IS the greatest man in the United
States?' asks the Indianapolis Sun. Any
number OF Congressman could answer
that question right off, but modesty for
bids
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12

Mr. Whizzan Bumpp. the renowned auto
manufacturer. has completed his new
ph0nograph attachment for his 1907 model.
The ph0nOgraph is concealed in the body
Of the machine, and is so regulated that
whenever breakdown occurs It will be
gin by saying Isn't this aggTavating?'
and viii then go right along from cant
YOU find out what is wrong?" TO "Win we
ever get homer" concealed switch.
known only To the chauffeur. makes II
possible to turn on a cylinder Of sotto
vOCe profanity.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12

Savannah has elected Mr.. Tiedeman
mayor. As Savannah is the city whence
comes all the real, genuine artillery
punch, the selection would seem entirely
appropriate.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12

II is quite evident that the great wave
OF reform sweeping over this land Of the
free has caught the attention OF the
weather man.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12

Calfornia's threats OF secession have
caused a broad and gleeful grin 10 spread
all over the face Of Dixieland.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12

Meditating upon the recent heavy ad-
vance in both hair cuts and highballs, the
Atlanta Georgian editorially suggests 70
its constituency the happy idea that they
skin "A few haircuts.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12
Hours of Railwav Emnloves.

Some OF those Texas legislators seem L
think they are from Missouri.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12

A Strap Hanger announces that he has
devised means Of insuring comfort for
those who have to ride on crowded troll
leys. The invention consists Of two full
size dummies. made of rubber. which are
10 be inflated and carried by the passen-
ger On boarding the car he will place
one dummy in front and the other behind
him, hooking them to the straps.
n o. Buddy has applied for patent on
his Model After-Dnner Speech His
claims for the speech are that it does not
begin with when the toastmaster ad-
viSed me that 7 was to speak upon this
topic l was filled with reputation" nor
does IL contain the phrases. with 90
many really brilliant speakers on the
list" In my own weak way" I am re-
minded Of the story" or Thanking you
kindly. WILBUR NESB!T
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12

Il seems that they are having uncom-
monty cold weather in the Philippines
Now. Of course, if the Philippines intends
20 make a habit OF relieving Us Of our
customary January weather. we may de-
eide TO become Hobsonites and prepare
10 resist Japaus hostile advances in that
direction.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12

Two popular army men in the New VIII
lard lobby last evening were Col Huer,
who is in charge of the engineering work
on the Pacific Coast, and Capt. Dickens.
Of the Coast and Geodetic Survey. They
were guests at dinner Of former Gov.
John H. McGrsw, of Seattle. and equally
ardent as that gentleman in extolling the
merits Of the far West.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12

/ The very general though as yet sx-
tremcly gentle earthquake shocks felt
/ throughout the land may be a sort Of
advance notice 20 the nation at large
/ that California will fight II driven to IT,
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12

a Kentucky man has been discovered
who has raised a family OF fourteen on
g. cents a day. The children were proba-
bly, grabbed by the hair and yankcd up.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12

Why should Mr.. Rockefeller moan that
life is full of trials when he is able
10 stand of the verdicts in the way he
dOes2
The Washington herald., 1907-01-12

The new governor Of Colorado closed
his inaugural address with n PRAYER.
Considering the job he has undertaken,
We don't blame him.
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1907-11-07
An Oxford Man.

Sir Charles kirkpatrick OF the visit
Ing English football team was drink
ing milk with his luncheon In a Phil.
adelphia hotel.
MIX is good drink" q visitor
said.
Yes" agreed the other. "and
whenever | take II think OF curate
Ia Surrey. near my Crawley place.
This curate had small salary and
a fine lot of cows, He decided. there
fore, to open dairy. So he rugged
up little shop and bought wagon.
and on his sign his name appeared.
John Vincent. NJ. A. He was an Ok.
ford man, you see, and proud OF his
degree.
But one morning he overheard two
farm hands talking before the shop.
"'Wot does the M. A." mean on
that there signg' sait the first
"'Mllk 'Awker, y course the other
answered"
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1907-11-07

A gentleman who recently returned
from tour In Spain tells this story Z:
He left Seville on foot, after stay
OF week. and was twenty miles away
when he was overtaken by the land.
lord of the hotel where he had stopped
The innkeeper rode alongside of his
guest for nearly an hour before he
found courage to make known his
business.
IF the senior and God pleases," he
began, alphabetically. II made a mis-
take In his bill yesterday"
How" | inquired
II forgot to make charge for his
candles to light him to bed!"
'But It was moonlight. and had no
candles"
Then. senior. with the help OF God.
forgot to charge you with moon
light"
The charge amounted to two cents
in American money. and he had hired
an ass and ridden twenty miles to
collect It. was amused and astonish-
ed. Then | accused him OF being a
robber. and offered him cent to
settle the bill. He worked up a beau
tiful smile and held out his hand
Il will take It with thanks, senor."
he said. "and God will bless you for
an honest mani"
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1907-11-07

Word reached the Office that she was
and nobody read the proof, and rival
papers perpetrated jokes over the
Observation-Disclosures head
lines that got locked up in the forms
and came off the press. The editor
in-chief gave notice that there would
be one vacant chair" If this state of
affairs wasn't speedily remedied. Then,
with heart beating with mingled
hope and fear, the city editor insert.
ed in the paper this "ad:"
"PERSONAL,-If the young lady in
black hat and silk shirt waist who read
proof for the city editor in the Office of
the -. two weeks ago last Monday aft
ernoon. will call at this office Immediately,
she will hear something to her advan-
tage."
Next morning, the city editor looked
over his shoulder and saw her sitting
behind him as on a former occasion.
Although taken by surprise, and some
what embarrassed, he lost no time in
laying before her the proposition he
was empowered to make. She accent
ed at once. and the contract was soon
closed; but not until he had re-
venged himself upon her for some of
the follies she had, unconsciously. led
him to commit, by the following ma
licious catechisation: Does tobacco
smoke make you sick?" DO YOU
scream If you chance to see a mouse q"
DO you think it necessary to convert
all the reporters into a train of spe-
cial admirers?" do you make en-
gagements with your dressmaker to
take effect during office hours?"
She knew he was exceeding the lin
1t of his inquisitorial duties designed
to determine her fitness for the place
but she bore herself humbly con.
WINGED of the certainty of future re.
prisals
All things come round to him who
waits'-and her. When, a year after.
ward, the editorin-chief received an
upll1t TO a metropolitan journal and
the city editor was promoted to the
position he formerly occupied, he
made a second proposition to the
proof-reader, and this time, she did
the eatechising: do you stay ont
later at night than business strictly
requires DO you come homo
sober?' VIII you stop smoking
cigars and put the money in the saw
inss bank" VIII you build the
kitchen fire." Shall YOU think II mo-
essary TO make invidious comparisons
between o' my cooking and your moth.
~ And last but not least. may
your mother-in,law live with us?"
10 all these questions he gave sat.
isiaetory replies, adding as he t;ssaa
uer hps and prevented her from nro.
pounding more; If the proof isn't
cieao, You shall be the one to cor.
rect it. dear" wy
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1907-11-07
For ForetellIno Weather.

The weather torecaster has new
instrument which tells tho amount of
aqueous varor' In approaching winds.
The old wet aud dry bulb thermom-
eters have proven entirely unreliable,
So that accurate observation has re-.
CURED apparatus too elaborate for or.
binary use. The new "auuameter," a
simple instrument, therefore fills an
urgent aeed. The opening ana shut
dnss OF two taps and raising and low.
ering ot mercury reservoir draw q
measured quantity 81 air into a glass
vessel, and as this comes In contact
With anhydrous phosphorus acid the
water ia quickly absorbed. causing the
mercury TO rise In a narrow glass stem
to point showing the exact percent
age Of aqueous yaror In the air.
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1907-11-07
CHAPTER iV-continued.

An investigation showed them Just
how the Yankee had made his escape,
and as men admire daring. no matter
under what flag II may be found. the
PLANTER could not help expressing his
surprise.
Colonel Emmett. you are q bold
Hian. am bound TO confess. but this
does not seem TO be one OF your lucky
nights. Skaggs. block that hole up.
take the knife away from him, and then
ne can spend the remainder of the
night In cursing his misfortune. To
morrow, my dear sir, you shall zee
the interior of Atlanta In advance OF
Sherman's hosts"
Win these consollng words the
planter Withdrew. the door was lock.
ed and once more silence reigned
through the Granger house.
An hour passed.
Colonel John was not vet ready To
give up
He examined the wall, and found
THAT a heavy plank had been placed
across the opening. so securely fasten
ed at either end that no matter how
ne sire ned and tugged he could not
eudge the barrier one inch.
This pat an end TO his calculations
In that direction. He sat down 10
evolve some other alan. and while
uus engaged was startled to hear a
key rattle In the lock. Instantly he
conceived the idea OF leaping upon his
visitor. and thus making his escape
lie crouched by the door. under which
ne now saw a ray OF light--he held his
breath and gathered his energies for
sudden tiger-like leap.
Then the door swung back bnt
John did not move. Instead OF the
buriy overseer. or the Confederate
sfacer. his eyes fell upon the figure of
he Georgia girl. and he heard her
peculiarly soft voice say. coidly:
Silence on your life. barbarian. II
In only II Molile,"
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1907-11-07
BRIDGE FOR MOTOR CARS
TWO Tracks Across a Stream. Each
Wide Enough for a Wheel

With the completion of the n,ous
automobile bridge over the Pirp forJ
the road to Ventura and Santa Par,
hara by way Of the Newhnl grade NAV
De- said to be open for regular am.
mobile traflc, says the Los Angeles
Times.
The bridge which has Just hss,
completed over the Piru ford is ors
Of the few bridges in the worI1 c~
rress'y baHt for automobne t~amS
There is another Ike il a. To~~o,,,
\, NJ, ana these two are sa5noss4 y.
be the only ones in America II 90.
sists really Of tva tracks across ~.
stream, each wide enough to co..
an automobile wheel with n's,,v =.
margin Tor bad steering. Far 80, ~
me ends OF the track are built mn -
that a wheel cannot slip OF IT,
tracks are wide euuuxh for nossa ue
oy people, bui 10 WAGONS can 20 ors. .
Perhaps the best feature If 80 80,
use L. cannot
ms ne" structure supplements -.
me bridge built over the sesna - r sas
,. which COS, So. ooo .ns
Mas finished last December, V' Ana
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1907-11-07
.aUNu 0yAxRAE A1asAazV l74c aNJ-I-n2zuv.~

suggested the idea that she had come
10 save him. How could he but feel
certain spasm OF emotion. She had
been made his wife by the sacred
rites OF the ehurch-~eould II be pos.
siblo abe took enough Interest In him
10 ASSUME this risk?
One glance into her face knocked
the conoeit out OF hint was as cold
as marble. He took warning and was
On his guard.
II am glad to sec you. Miss Moilie.
The darkness Is anything but pleas
ant. May | ask II your father has
changed bis mind and concluded to
let me escapay"
She frowned al the sound OF his
voice.
"You must not speak except In a
whisper Ny father has not relented
1t IL stili his intention to hand YOU
ever Ia the morning. | have believed
II my duty TO right the wrong he has
aens you
And you have come TO save mef'
Perhaps there Was tribe too much
81 ca Eerness In his voice. for sho seem.
cd colder than ever. John felt as
though he had done mortal wrong
in standing there and going through
the ceremony Nevertheless. to him.
seif hs was saying;
PERHAPS fortune will give me the
opportunity 10 break down this re-
sayyo--Mh o knowsY II Is not natural
-caazed By this unrlghieous war
which must soon be over have
hoses that t~is qneenly Tirl, whom I
bneg ard loved as child. may yet
DO my Moihe."
Il may be 81, down as positive that
ho ala not utter these thoughts aloud,
The high spirited Southern ma'i
.sould hare scornod him and possibly
have ten him to bis fate.
Il have come 10 offer yoH liberty.
Remeuler. sir DO shis not bccaase
J haYe the slightest interest ia ycGr
welfare. FOR | hope and expect never
20 see you again. but ! believe my
father deceived you-~that lad YOU
understood shat he meant YOU might
have refused 20 be sacrificed on tho
altar % ccanrhial FOLLY"
John started. recognizing bis own
Words.
"Parfan--I ald not know you over.
heard my remark There was more
in the sentence thsn you have quoted
IA sorl OF hons opathie remedy. as
Il were. was bachelor and never
expected 20 marry. That would az
no1nt for nay words"
SAY TO more. The subject Is dis.
tasteful 10 me. II you s,lll desire your
freedom. come. and make no noise
on your life. There ars those who
goald only be too glad TO causs
vacancy IN your regiment"
She turned and walked ana, carry
trg the lantern At her side. John
eaieuy CLOSED the door. locked II lna
.sarried ca the key Then he follow
I'd ths gin
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1907-11-07

land. and wac able 10 reach the out.
skirts " the old plantation. Render
ed doubly cautious by his experience
earlier in the night. John advanced
In the direction OF the house.
To his surprise he saw a campfire
glowing among the trees that grew so
riotousiy along the edge of the neglec-
ted drive. This had not been there
earlier In the night, ard naturally
II aroused his curiosity.
Moving figures came between the
light and his eyes--eyidentIy the men
were on the alert. Perhaps their pres.
ence here had something TO do with
the great war game Of chess. where
regiments and army CORPS represen-
ted knights. rocks. and pawns.
No guard challenged his advance.
and he was enabled 10 fit from tree
TO tree until close enough to note the
faded uniform Of the Confederates
grouped about the FIRE.
They were a score In number, and
appeared to be simply waiting for
some superior officer. As the night
was chilly. they had started this fire
in order to Keep warm.
Certain words reached Johns ears
that caused him TO turn and look In
the direction OF the house
To his surprise light shone from
several OF the windows nor was IL
stationary. but appeared TO move from
room 10 room. This aroused his won
der and even suspicion flashed
through his mind. which was hardly
allowed to take shape. for there came
a Gathering OF hoofs upon the drive
way, and several mounted men rode
up to the fire.
As the bright flames cast rudy
glow upon their faces John saw that
one OF them was very dashlng look.
Ing officer who impressed him as an
autocrat OF the first order. This party
wore the uniform OF a major--a new
uniform too, which was a rarity at this
date among the distressed followers
OF the star and bars.
John could not advance upon the
house while parties were exploring the
interior, and might as well remain
there watching the enemy.
He speculated as to the reason of
this invasion. but could arrive at no
conclusion beyond the thought that the
men were searching for valuables In
the deserted mansion. II the Yankees
were soon to come into possession
there was little need of leaving any.
thing for their plundering hands.
Even while John watched he saw
man hasten up to the fire. and In
this worthy recognized the overseer
OF Squire Granger.
The man showed evidence OF excite.
ment. He at once engaged the major
In conversation. and the latter's loud
voice attested to the fact that the
measure Of Intense interest had been
communicated to him.
Ito be continued.)