Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1907-05-30
THE AMATEUR REFORMER.
de Attends . Concert and Pays His
Respects to an Encore
Efend.

| have ad Joining seats at the concert
given by Assembly, CATION No. lat of the
Grand Conglomerated Order of Yee-
haws, was applauding with all his
| might.
The other man was sitting with
i folded arms and with look of patient
| endurance on his face.
A young woman with a voice like
the upper part Of picket fence had
sung solo-something in Italian,
| with a Goose Island accent-and the
| customary paroxysm of the encore
was on.
Rather a fne-lcoking girl" eau
| tiously remarked the man with the
folded arms.
$50, So" replied the man who had
been applauding.
''Somewhat-er - pleasing singer"
20, I don't know I've heard bet
ter"
Acquaintance or personal friend Of
yours, perhaps?'
"Never saw her before. Don't know
her from the Goddess of Liberty"
Possibly a friend of some friend?"
Not so far as 1 know"
''Then perhaps you won't object to
my saying that she can't sing in the
same class with well-trained OWL"
"Not at all. That's all right
81 wouldn't mention it to anybody
whose feelings it might hurt, or who
might carry it to her, but it is a crime
to encourage singer like that to per-
severe in the desperate career on
which she has entered"
"Hey?"
81 say"
But at this moment the young
woman came on the stage again, with
smiles all over her face and piece
of sheet music in her hands. The rap
turous applauding of the forty or fifty
persons responsible for her recall
ceased, and she sang a ballad of four
or FIVE stanzas-iu English, as all great
singers do when encored-which was
acknowledged by small, but earn
est, claque of devotees scattered
through the hall, after which she was
allowed to retire, with only one more
recall for the purpose of bowling her
thanks.
The man with the folded arms drew
long breath.
''Thank heaven!" he murmured.
''We don't have to go through that
again!"
A young man made up in the SIM
ilitude of Reuben from central In
diana appeared next.
His act consisted of local nits, inter
spersed with reference here and there
to some business house, probably
by previous arrangement with the pro-
prietors of said business house, and
wound up with a song.
He was recalled by another small,
but persistent and noisy, claque. and
favored the weary audience with an
other song.
"How many numbers are there on
the folded arms.
twelve"
'How far down have we got?"
"This is the sixth"
''Then we have only IL more to pass
through. Why don't you clap your
hands little louder? Maybe you can
bring him out for third song. There
are at least Is or 30 other persons rails
ing a hullabaloo. Have the worth of
your money while you are about il"
eff 1 wasn't getting any more good
out of this performance than you are
I wouldn't stay to see it over"
30, yes, you would, if your wife snd
sister were in the front part of the
house, where you couldn't get at them
to drag them out, without raising a
disturbance, and you had promised to
drop in before the thing was over and
wait for them. Clap harder, man, or
he won't come. Stamp your feet lit
tie"
II reckon man who wants to hear
performance repeated has right to
call for it, hasn't he, STRIP
Certainly. And if he's here on a
deadhead ticket"
'By cash, sir, 1 didn't come in on a
deadhead ticket! 1 paid my way!"
''Then, of course, you ought to in
sist on getting your moneys worth.
If you can have two concerts for the
price of one, have them, by all means.
Haven't you the right? Most GER
tainly. What are the rights of the
$50 people who don't want two con-
certs in one compared with those of
the so who do? Who cares for their
sufferings? Let the so have their way.
Clap harder, man! Clap harder!"
"I'1 clap my hands all 1 want to-
See?'
Eyes, L see. I did you the honor at
first to think you might be a friend of
some of the performers, but 1 mis-
took YOU 1 see you are simply an en-
core fiend. just a plain, unorna-
mented, straight up and down, direct
action encore fiend. Wind yourself up
at the beginning of the exercises and
don't run down till it's time to go
home. You're"
81 know what you are, by cash!
You're one of these blamed old
FOOLS
"Yes, I'm one of the $50 blamed old
fools who don't want to hog two en-
tertainments when they have paid for
only one. l am one of the blamed
cid fools who occasionally are bored
by too much of a. poor thing. And you
are one of the three or four dozen |
gourdheads that are to be found in |
every audience-you ought to be sat |
isfied now; you've got that dismal
idiot out for the third time-you're |
one of the jumping-jacks whose mis-
sion in life is to go to every entertain
ment and make life miserable for the |
blamed old fools who constitute the |
majority of the audience. The encore |
fend is a creature with small brain |
cavity, hands that are half-soled in the |
palms, and his eyes are generally close
together. He has brass lungs, re-
treating chin, and can throw the up
per part of his head back, like an alli- |
gator. He has-but 1 see Reuben is |