The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1907-12-13

~ ~" i11hoh WtH Vet hiOnB Ws
gether all right
ty's French fete, Mrs. Iiobinson's Ttal-
ian musicale or Mrs. John O. Smiths
japanese lawn party. Oh, he's gen.
ius.~our society cditor.'
you don't say"
Yes The paper simply couldn't ex-
ist without him"
"Tbat soi Queer Colonel Starbuck
never told mo anything about him."
mused the caller.
"0h, you know the colonel. DO your
asked Blake
"yes. we're what might call slight.
~ acquainted. had a little business
transaction with him the other day"
sold you gold brick, suppose"
and Barney winked humorously at the
rest OF the stnn.
Don't know yet whether II will turn
out to DO gold brick or not Reckon
! shan't worry any II II does. I've In
vested In gold bricks before, and the
way ! figure 1t It's nobody's business
but my own II do II again"
"oh, ! see,' said Barney smoothly.
"A trine touchy on the gold brick ques-
ton, eh. Mr.--er-- Hayseed, In itT'
mot quite. Hayden happens to be
my name. Didn't make quite M slick
q guess as you did on the Horace. But
30 ahead and call me Hayseed II you
like. You can remember that name
better than Hayden probably. and
guess II fits me about as well as the |
other. anyhow. Don't II strike you
that wayi"
"Oh. no. you're no hayseed! You're |
right from Chicago or New York city |
anybody could tell that from the cut |
OF your jibf' And Barney again pass.
cd the wink to the others, who all felt |
In duty bound to roar at the managing |
editors wit.
mice. genial stan you've got. Chuck
full Of fun. amt theyi I hope they're
not laughing at me- Hain't got a
Please Kick Me sign pinned to my
back. have IT.
THAT'S oil right. Uncle Horace"
purrcd Barney. Don't 20 to getting
excited. The boys are Just spelling
for little fun--been working under
steam pressure today--but none OF
them would ever be guilty of--er-by
George. they have, just the same! But
II doesn't read Please Kick Me- II
says We're From the Farm And II
! only knew the deep dyed villain who
pinned II on you I'd discharge him
this instant-yes. sir. this very In
stant-and I'd tell him not to come
around again until tomorrow morn.
Ing" he added In stage whisper az
he stepped around behind the rural
looking visitor and removed the Of
Tending sign, deftly replacing II by an.
other handed him by one OF the crowd,
reading. ''Turnips For Sale"
'srhere; that looks better" observed
Barney. at which everybody roared
promptly once more.
mot quite so much levity, boys"
said Barney reprovlngly. II am going
to show ogr friend here through the
Argus establishment, and / want to
see how well you can behave WHILE
Biz!
A big wad OF paper came sailing
across the office and caromed on the
ear OF the caller.
fvrhat xs,na gur ha aNttnr xxyhn
did that" explained Barney coolly.
'Force Of habit. suppose. He prob
ably imagined he was throwing a ball
at first base. Don't let that happen
again. Higgins"
"All right, sir" gllbly RESPONDED the
young man who had thrown the pa
per. Mistake. anyhow. l was aim
Ing at the wastebasket."
"Well. seeing you've apologized. 1t is
all right" said Barney. with mock
solemnity.
"Now. Mr.. Hayseed-l should say
have already been intro.
duced to our baseball and society edi.
tors, and II you viii cast your optics
over the rest OF the collection of gen
luses before you I will enllghten you
rs to their duties. so that when you 60
back to the farm you will understand
the secret Of the Argus success In
gathering and disseminating the daily
news Of the entire world, including the
city and county Of Boomopolis.
THE exceedingly tall. thin young
man with the short hair and promi-
nent ears Is Mr. Perkins, our secret
service reporter and war correspond
ent. His build, as you viii notice, fits
him admirably for the position. He Is
10 thin he can crawl over transom
without the slightest difficulty"
"You don't say!"
Fact assure you. And that is
why a thin man has marked advan-
tage over 200 FOUNDER It requires
less gas to carry him, and II he falls
from a balloon 1t doesn't mrss him up
70 much as It would fat man, there
BY effecting big saving In doctors
bills for repairing broken ribs, etc"
Il see. Quite an Idea, that"
Eyes, and, besides, a thin man oc-
cuples less space and leaves more room
In the basket of the balloon for the
wireless message apparatus. You see,
10 fast as the war correspondent in a
balloon gets a message ready to send
In IN tha nonav hn s,rt,,5s a. >,,A -, = | M