West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1907-11-21
MISFORTUNE DUE TO LATE FLOODS
Assigned TO Editorial Chair Of Journal
and Made Slate Manipulater
fer Jim Committee.

promoter, pie distributor, and tenn
porary governor l served my bene-
factor with fidelity and TO the best
of my ability. But when the ele.
ments broke loose and defied the
cofferdams and every other dam that
we could erect and drenched our
falkland with floods my finish came.
could not control the elements,
although cried Justify for the flood
gates to be closed, for knew they
would destroy the new tax laws. In
my halcyon days of youth / was
taught tina, the prayers of the pie
ran availeth nothing. This was
before became pieman and seized
with the idea that the word OF the
pieman was law on earth.
When Gov. Dawson received the
sorrowful epistle from Pieman Ho.
ratio Seymour Whetsell that Preston
had been wiped off the map of tax
reform by the floods the governor
forthwith, and without listening to
my'explanation, decapitated me and
commanded me to return to Preston
and take riy place in the ranks by
the side Of my old comrade Leader
Shaw as newer of wood and
drawer of water. So, here am
back amongs, the faithful of Preston
who have honored me as the next
greatest man TO the governor.
That Gov. Dawson has acted
hastily in blaming me for the de-
stfuciion of his tax laws my dear
old comrade Leader Shaw heartily
agrees. Now in my hour of decapi-
tation, - humiliation, and distress /
am reminded that Comrade Shaw
always contended with me that the
Creator was greater than the gov
ernor and myself. And since the
elements have discovered how easily
they can destroy tax laws, ques-
ton the wisdom of the Standard Oil
Company tackling them at the next
extra session of the Legislature, which
it promised the governor and myself
il would do.
For weeks previous TO the foods
1 was tortured with all kinds Of
hobgoblin dreams which clearly
foretold that Jupiter and Mars,
whom the governor had frequently
told me inhabited planet OF their
own where tax laws and pies were
not disturbing element in steering
the ship Of state, were bent on max
ing war on the governor and his tax
laws. / conveyed my forebodings
to the governor and suggested that
he discontinue playing the role of
Moses and adopt the cognomen of
Noah and have an ark ia readiness
TO sal, off with his tax laws when the
deluge came. But he was obstinate
and with considerable venemence
declared that If Jupiter and Mars
were hunting for scrap he was
prepared to accommodate them; that
he had not been fighting the insur-
gents and the corpoTs tons for the
past four years without his feathers
and war paint on. endeavored to
reason with him as best / could that
Jupiter and Mars had the drop on
him and that il they concluded to
open the hoodgates that | could
conceive OF no avenue OF escape;
that his raincoat and the tugboats
on the Kama wha would not b.. able
to withstand the deluge. This
seemed to anger the governor, and
with uplitte1 hands and eyes looking
| Jupilerward he defied them TO tackle
him on his own planet. I regret to
say that he is still labohrg under
the impression that he owns this
planet, regardless Of the fact that
Arnold Scheu and Bill Hearne are
throwing u2 bresstworkB at every
cross road and country store.
The foods arrived as forelold IN
my dreams and destroyed our tax
laws. The governor claimed that
inasmuch as knew the floods were
coming that ] must have been in
the conspiracy with Jup and Mar to
obluerate him and his tax laws.
and Re ordered my head to the
block for decapitaton. This is my
only excuse for coming back Ia
Preston and taking my place as a
private in the ranks.
] hope at some frture time to be
restored in the good graces OF the
governor by attending strictly tc
the commands OF the Old Fsmrl,
Journal and the I'm committee. &c
this end have offered my service
which, | am glad to say, has beer
accepted. Pieman Wheisell has as
signed me to the editorial chair o
the Journal, which he tells roe isir