The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-08-09


cares" Il mean after we are mar
ried."-Fliegende Blatter.
Briggs-My wife had birthday yes
terday, and we took day off. Griggs
When mine has birthday she takes
year off.-Casselps Journal.
Hadsum-I want a good revolver.
Dealer-A six shooter? Hadsum-Bet.
ter make 1t nine shooter. It's for
a cat next door.-Ally Sloper.
do you know, my husband, had
terrible habit of sleeping In church, but
he broke himself Of itw "HowT
"Gave up going "-Sketchy Bits.
Teacher-What Is a coal magnate,
Tommie2 Tommie-I don't know,
madam; l only thought those things
come in cheese !-Yonkers Statesman.
Mlsslonary-And do you know moth
Ing whatever Of religion? Cannlbal-
Well, we got tasre of 1t when the
last missionary was here.-Cleveland
Leader.
Roberts-Poor Williams died and left
wife and three children. Jones
That's nothing. He was too mean to
take them anywhere when he was liv-
ing.-Life.
Friend--I suppose the baby Is fond
Of you? Papa-Fond of me? Why he
sleeps all day when I'm not at home
and stays up all night just to enjoy
my society News.
Mrs. Backpay-Good. morning, sir
Will you take chair? Installment
House Collector-No, thank you,
ma'am. I've come to take the piano.
Philadelphia Record.
First Thespian-And the audience,
my boy, you should have seen them.
They were glued to their seats. Sec
ond Ditto-Ah, good way Of keeping
them there.-Bystander.
The Coming Guest-I see you charge
five shillings for room. When l was
here in December you only charged
three shillings a day. The Landlady
All, but the days are longer now
Sketch.
First Man-How do you do? Sec
ond Man-Beg pardon, but you have
the advantage of me. First Man-Yes,
suppose have. We were engaged
to the same girl; but you married her.
-Tit-Bits.
Suburban Host Ito unexpected sup
per guest Now then, Miss Hobson
will you have a little of this rabbit
pie or-er-or docking round and dis
covering there is no other dish or
not ?-The Tattler.
when / was coming home last
night" said Miss Skeery, II saw a man
skulking along in. the shadow. Oh,
how I ran!" "An' couldn't you catch
himt" inquired her little brother, in
nocently Leader
The Eldest Hope-Who's that, ma?
His Fond Mama-'Ush, Grace, that's
the gentleman that married me. The
Eldest Hope-Then, IL that's the gen.
tleman wot married you, wots pa do
ing In our house?-The Sketch.
Visitor Ito artists young wife)--
Whatever were you two laughing over
50 just now? Wife-Oh, 1t was such
fun My husband painted and cook
ed, and then we both guessed what the
things were meant for.-Tatler.
A man who was charged at the Will
esden police court with lntoxica-
tion and using bad language pleaded
guilty to the first part of the charge,
adding: ''As to the language, l know
nothing about that because I'm deaf"
London Express.
"That young student upstairs must
have a tremendous correspondence,
postman; you always have letters for
him." "Yes; quarreled with him
once, and ever since he sends himself
a post card every day, so have to
mount five flights of stairs to deliver
lt."-Tit-Bits.
Miss Withers-You are blushing
Coya! What was that clumsy partner
of yours saying? Miss Knlsely-oh
nothing; only that before he met me
life seemed a desert to him. Miss
Withers is no reason why he
should waltz like a dromedary, Is iti
Town and Country.
They had been married just seven
months and nineteen days by the
almanac. Tomorrow" she announced
win be my birthday. What are you
going to get for me. Georgep y
haven't the least idea, my dear" re
piled her husband. Il read In last
nights paper about Kansas man who
got secondhand overcoat and 81 fol
his wife, but I'll probably not be SC
lucky. Chicago Daily News.
"Dou't take 1t so hard, Mr.. Play
man." said the young woman, mock
lngly. There are other girls. yor
know. There's Lii Grumplins, Salli'
Pllmborn, Kate Isnoggles and Far
Biliwink. Any one of them woult
make better wife for you than
would" 81 know It," he said, swallow
ing a lump in his throat and turning