The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-07-19
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did your cook leave you without
any warning, Mrs. Smith," Eyes, and
without any spoons, Baltimore
American.
Customer-You've given me NOR
phine instead of qulninel Druggist
Is 1t possible? In that case you owe
me twenty-five cents more.-Petit Par
lsien.
Mrs Money Bags-I hear you have
spent great deal of your time in It
aly2 Mrs. Parvenue-Oh, yes. my
dear; we're quite Prince
ton Tiger.
Impecune- Hello, old man; you don't
know any one who would lend me
dollar just now, do you? Gotrox-Well,
no; all the people know, know you
too.--Le Figaro.
Lady Ito dinner partner trying to
kiss her In the garden )-Sir, you are
wasting your time! | am married!
II don't care. I'm not bit jealous!"
l-Simplicissimus.
'"The evidence shows, Mrs. Mulcohey,
that you threw stone at Policeman
Casey" 'It shows more than that, yer
honor, 1t shows that Oh hit him.
Minneapolis Tribune.
"You point with pride to the fact that
you were never investigated" Ger
tainly," answered Senator Sorghum.
"It shows that | have not been care
less. Washington Star.
Swellup (after the dinner) Yes, I
told that pretty girl next to me every.
thing l knew Rival-I noticed you
were pretty quiet over at that end Of
the table.-Detroit Free Press,
She (after vivacious discussion)-
All, you dare to look me In the face!
He (philosophically) Good heavens! !!
In this world one becomes accustomed
to everything Ill Motto per Ridere.
Teacher-Who was 1t supported the
world upon his shoulders7 Tommy
Atlas, sir. Teacher-Who supported
Atlas? Tommy-The book don't say,
but 'spect his wife did.-Ally Sloper.
Willie-Papa, If am liar, will
go to the bad place? Twickenham-
Certainly. Why? Willie--I was think.
ing how far away you and l would be
from mother.-Woman's Home Com
panion.
"You are past forty, inspector; why
do you not marry?" "Why, you see,
do not want to marry an old woman, a
. young girl would be fool to marry me,
and do not like fools w-Transatlan-
tic Tales.
Boreleigh Cat II :45)-Ah, Miss Crit.
;. ic, you have such sweet, retiring dis
!. position. Miss Critic (yawning) You
o fatter me, Mr.. Boreleigh; but must
! confess to slight disposition to re
\ tire.-Puck.
Y Said She-One has to put up with q
5 good deal in order to become an ac-
| complished pianist. Said He-Yes, and
r Just think how much more the neigh
, bors have to put up with.-Chica
. Daily News.
Wiggles-Did you have any difficulty
In speaking French while you were In
Paris? Waggles-Oh, no. didn't have
any difficulty at all in speaking 1t. The
difficulty was in getting people to un-
derstand it."-Somerville Journal.
Mrs Subbubs-Oh, John, I'm sorry
the new cook has spoilt your coffee,
but she's so young and inexperienced
SO you must be satisfied with kiss
instead this evening, dear. John
Right oh call her in.-Pick-Me-Up.
Il can't understand how Caesar and
Shakespeare and Napoleon ever got to
be great" "Have you read the his
tories of their times?' eyes. That's
what makes 1t so puzzling. Nobody
seemed to teach anything by mall In
those days."-Chicago Record Herald.
"Aren't you nearly ready to startT
asked the amateur gunner. "Yes," re-
piled the guide, "I'll be ready Just as
soon as | can borrow a dog" "Why,
where's your own dogs? What has
happened to them?' Nothing, and
mean to see that nothiug shall."-Phll-
adelphia Press.
| "Dis paper" said Languid Lewis,
"tells erbout hoss runnin' away with
a woman, an she was laid up for six
weeks" dat amt so worse" rejoin-
ed Boastful Benjamin. "A friend Nv
mine wunst ran away with boss, an
he was laid up fer six years. s."-Chica-
20 Daily News.