The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-09-30
THE REVISED CONSTITUTION
New York SUM-

I. the President of the United States.
in order to form a more decent govern
ment provide for the common regula-
ton promote the welfare of desirable
citizens and secure the blessings of My
Policies to posterity, do ordaln ana es-
tablish this Constitution for the United
States of America
ARTICLE /
Section / All legislative, executive and
judicial powers shall be vested in Me.
Section >. All Otner powers necessary
and proper for the fulfllment OF MY FOL
icies are inherent in and shall be vested
Section 3. No state shall pass any law
without my consent.
Section 4 The migration or importa-
ton of such persons as any OF the labor
unions think improper to admit is pro-
ARTICLE II.
Section l. The people of the United
States are divided into these classes:
Decent citizens and malefactors OF great
wealth.
Section ? All fines and taxes are to
be paid by malefactors OF great wealth.
Section 8. Income taxes and inherit
ance taxes shall be imposed by Me. The
rate of taxes shall increase automatically
with the tumosity of the fortunes upon
which they are laid.
ARTICLE III
Section / All corporations whose bust
ness or product enters actually or con-
stTuctively into interstate commerce
desirability, from Me; the physical value
of their properties shall be determined
by Me or such persons as l in my Wis
dom may select; and receivers for any
or ali such corporations may be ap-
pointed at my good pleasure.
Section 2. Pending such Teceivership
reasonable sum may be paid, in the ma
ture of a fine TO the campaign funds of
My Party.
ARTICLE w.
Section l. As cOmmander-in-chief of
the navy Of the United States, l shall
use said navy for whatever good, con-
venient personal or secret purpose, dem
onstration, circumnavigation or divaga-
ton I see fit
Section ? The senate, by and with my
advice, consent and concurrence, shall
ratify treaties made and judges or other
officers Of the United States appointed
Section 9. Rough Riders and graduates
of Harvard University shall have prece-
dence in all appointments to office.
Section T. My judicial powers, whether
exercised by Me IN the first resort or
on appeal or graciously granted to the
courts of the United States of inferior
jurisdiction, shall be directed to the re-
dress of erroneous decisions made in the
past and shall be in exact conformity
and credit shall be given by all courts,
legislatures, states and citizens whatso-
ever.
Section o. I shall from time to time
give the congress information OF the
state of My people; and the congress
shall take care that my recommended
tions be carried out.
Section 6. The trial Of all crimes ex-
dscredit My Policies, malefaction, ma
ture taking, ananiasing and race sui
eide, shall be by jury; and except in
the exceptions hereinbefore made no
until his guilt has been legally estab-
lished.
Section Z All persons accused of the
crimes excepted by the foregoing sec
martial, consisting of members of the
Tennis Cabinet the Commissioner OF
Corporations and such other experts and
assessors as I may select.
States shall consist only in adhering TO
trusts, railroads or other corporations,
and giving them aid and comfort.
ARTICLE V.
I hereby nominate and appoint Will
liam Howard Taft, of the State of Ohio,
my successor, political heir and personal
representative and conductor of My Pol
icies, said appointment to take effect
shall be revocable until further notice.
ARTICLE VI.
Section /. The Pilgrims shall be
called 'Puritans'' after this date.
Section 2. Close season for bears. bob
cats and all other game, except corpora
tions. malefactors, conspirators, molly
Goddess liars and nature takers. shall be
proclaimed by Me from time to time.
ARTICLE VII.
Section l. All powers not herein spe-
officially enumerated are reserved and
retained by Me.
Done by Me at Oyster Bay. with the
unanimous approval Of Jacob Riis, Albert
Shaw and the Tennis Cabinet, this ninth
day of September, one thousand nine
hundred and seven. and OF my indepen-
dence of the mollycoddle Constitution the
eighth 7. r.
Attest: WILLIAM LOEB. Secretary.