davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1907-06-27
Humor mo Philosophy
BY DUNCAN N. SMITH
WHAT THEY MISSED.

Il that ancient geezer
They called Julius Caesar,
So scrappy and witty and wise,
Had rode through the mart
In a gasoline cart,
How folks would have opened their eyes!
IT great Alexander
Had got up his dande
In warning along at his trade
And used dynamite
To liyen the fight,
What a grease spot the stick would have
made!
II Mr.. Napoleon
Had bet a simoleon
That steam cars were only a Joke
And then like a yokel
Had gone on the local,
What a chance he'd have had to 60
broke!
II Phineas Barnum
Had softly said, Darn EN-;
There amt no octopus, I bet"
And now could pursue them
And everywhere view them,
What a shock the old Snowman would
get!
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1907-06-27
CHAPTER X.

I~0HE habit of industry practiced
from childhood to maturity is
not obliterated by an unex-
~ pected shower of gold. Doro-
thy was an early riser, and one morn
Ing, entering the parlor from her room
she saw lying upon the table q letter
with q Russian stamp, but addressed
In an unknown hand to her friend,
Katherine Kempt. She surmised that
here was the first communication from
the prince and expected to learn all
about it during the luncheon hour at
the latest. but the morning and after
noon passed, and Katherine made no
sign, which Dorothy thought was most
unusual. All that day and the next
Katherine went about silent, sedate
and serious, never once quoting the
humorous Mr.. Gilbert. On the third
morning Dorothy was surprised, on
emerging from her room, to see kath.
crime standing by the table, a black
book In her hand. On the table lay a
large package from New York, recent
~ opened, displaying a number Of vol
umes in what might be termed serious
binding, leather or cloth. but none
showing that high coloring which dis
tnguishes the output Of American fc.
ton.
Good morning, Dorothy. The early
bird is after the worm of SCIENCE" She
held forth the volume in her hand.
Steele's Fourteen Weeks Course In
Chemistry" an old book, but fascinat-
ingly written. Dorothy" she contin-
ued, with a sigh, II want to talk sc.
riously with you" I:
about chemistry" asked Dorothy.
about men," said Katherine firmly,
"and incidentally about women
IAN interesting subject, Kate, but
you've got the wrong text books. You
should have had a parcel of novels IN
stead"
Dorothy seated herself, and Rather
Inc followed her example. Steele's
Fourteen Weeks Course resting In
her lap.
Every man." began Katherine,
Should have a guardian to protect
him.
From women?"
From all things that are deceptive
and not what they SEEM"
"That sounds very %sententious. Kate.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1907-06-27

the atmosphere OF his place has got on
my nerves. and 1 shall be glad to turn
my back on it Jack pooh poohs the idea
1hat De is in any danger. Even the
governor of st. Petersburg, he says,
dare not lay a finger on him, and as for
the chief of police, he pours scorn on
that powerful official. He scouts the
idea that he is being watched, and, all
IN oil, is quite humorous at my ex-
pense, saying that my state of mind is
more fitting for a schoolgirl than for a
stalwart man over six feet in height.
One consolation is that Jack now has
become as keen for America as l am.
I expect that the interview arranged
for me tomorrow with a great govern
mento official will settle my own bust.
ness finally II way or another. Awhile
ago I was confident Of success, but the
repeated delays have made me less op-
timistic now, although the gentle cou1-
tesy Of those in high places remains
undiminished.
Dear Miss Amhurst, l cannot afford
to fall lower in your estimation than
perhaps I deserve, so 1 must say that
this fear which has overcome me is all
on account Of my friend and not on my
own behalf at all. I am perfectly safe
In Russia, being a British subject. My
cold and formal Cousin Thaxted is q
member of the British embassy here,
and my cold and formal uncle is a cab
met minister ip England, facts which
must be we'll Known to these spy In
formed people of st. Petersburg. So l
am immune. The worst they could do
would be to order me out of the coun-
try, but even that is unthinkable. If
any me attempted to interfere with
me, 1 have only to act the hero of the
penny novelette,, draw myself up to
my full height, which, as you know, is
not that of a pygmy, fold my arms
across my manly chest cry, 'Ha, ha!'
and sing Rule BRITANNIA whereupon
the villains would wilt and withdraw.
But Jack has no such security. He Is q
Russian subject, and, prince or COM
moner, the authorities here could do
what they liked with him. l always
think of things when 1t is too late to
act. / wish 1 had urged Jack ashore
at Bar Harbor and induced him to take
the oath of allegiance to the United
States. l spoke to him about that
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1907-06-27

coming home in the carriage, and, to
my amazement, he said he wished he
had thought of it himself at the time
we We're over there.
"But enough Of this. 1 dare say he
is in no real danger after all. Never
theless l shall induce him to pack to-
morrow, and we will make for London
together, so my next letter will bear a
British stamp, and l assure you the
air Of England will taste good to one
benighted Britisher whose name is
Alan Drummond."
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1907-06-27
For His Benefit.

tut tbs 6enefc. II
Il wish you would pay me that so.
cents you owe me-" said the hardupi
editor. 81
"What for?" 4
"Ain't you counting the Grizzly g1rl?..s
"Sure thing" a
Didn't you see that notice 1 had in
the paper about a whole family that;
was poisoned by eating ice cream?" I
Making 1t an Object. !.
Scientists tell us that man should
live to be 12O years of age"
Science ought to tell him how"
ut doesn't know how, although 1t
has puzzled its brain until it has the
headache trying to find out"
"Looks easy enough to me-" {.
'Then why not explain and earn
the everlasting gratitude Of your fell
low men?"
I'D do it myself il I had,the money"
"Do what?"
will every man living 100000
that he couldn't touch, until he was 113
years old, and then they would all.
have to live to that agesto get it"
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1907-06-27

Flln1llng business. can II, tn1s lnrerrvr.
Ing with private correspondence.
Such was the last letter that Alan
Drummond was ever to send to Doro-
thy Amhurst
IL (.
LTo BE Continued 4
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1907-06-27
Concerning the Lambs.

That Mary loves the lambs we know.
And no n wonders why,
For Mary's dad is all the show
In Wal street, where the lammies 20
To leave their golden feeces SO
That Mary can have lots Of dough
When h selects that sweet trousseau'
That Mary yearns to buy.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1907-06-27

ID : 6: IS: ; ;: :; :; :::, :, :: :: :: s; !; ;:;; e; =; !:
The Breckenridge news. (Cloverport, Ky.) 1876-1955, 1907-08-14
IRVINGTON. Kv.

IRVINGTON, Ky.
Mrs. T. J. Brummitt and son, Arthur,
and sister, Mrs. Edd Burns and her son,
Harold, and Miss Emma Burns and
Mr.. Jim Frank Biggs, all of Evansville,
Ind, spent Sunday in Irvington, the
guests of Mr.. and Mrs. James w. Biggs.
Miss Burn will remain for a several
days visit to Miss Essie Biggs.
Miss Mary Alexander Ereturned to
Louisville Thursday, after visiting Mrs.
Nora Board
Mr. and Mrs. Charlie L. Chamber
lain left Saturday for a two weeks trip
through Iowa, Missouri, Wyoming and
Colorado.
An enjoyable evening was spent at
the home of Mr.. and Mrs. w. J. Pig
gott last Friday by number of young
people. Those present were Misses
Lula Nunnelly, Leila Tidings, Ellen
Munford, Evelyn Herndon, Mabel Nc
Glothlan, Ruth Miller and Eva Nc
Glothlan. Messrs. Overton Blanford
and Joe Piggott and Mrs. Sue Jolly.
Mrs. L. B, Moremen spent several
days last week in Owensboro visiting
Mrs. Arthur Williams.
Mrs. T. N. McGlothlan left Tuesday
for Rome, Ind, to be the guest of her
sister, Mrs. Adam Anspach, for week.
Mrs. Tony Mccoy has returned to
Louisville, after being the guest of her
parents, Mr.. and Mrs. g. L. Brady.
Miss Claire Jolly left Thursday for
Cloverport, where she will be the guest
of the Misses Plank for a week
Miss Evelyn Herndon gave an infor-
NAL dinner last Friday for Mr.. and Mrs.
Randall and son, Dwight, of Louisville;
Miss Rec Willis, of Cloverport; Miss
Leila Tydings, of Louisville, and Miss
Ellen Munford.
Mrs. Fidelia Galloway came Thursday
from Hartford, where she has been Wis
iting relatives and friends for some
time.
Mr.. and Mrs. G. T. Marshall spent
/ last week in Hardin county, visiting
DR.. and Mrs. Owsley.
Miss Leila Tydings, after a two
weeks visit among relatives and friends
here, returned to Louisville Tuesday.
She was accompanied home by Miss
Ellen Munford for few days visit.
Mrs. J.. B. Herndon will be sent as a
delegate to jacksonville to attend the
State Sunday School Convention, which
will be in session there for three days
next week.
Miss Halves, of Owensboro, is visiting
Mr.. and Mrs. Charlie Halves for an in.
definite time.
The Breckenridge news. (Cloverport, Ky.) 1876-1955, 1907-08-14

Mooleyvile, are the guests Of her aunt
Mrs. J. F. Jarboe.
Miss Violet Bosley left last week fol-
visit to friends in Louisville.
Mrs. Edwin Tobin and children, who
have been visiting her parents, Mr.. anc
Mrs. Hy Stallman left Tuesday for her
home in st. Louis.
Mrs. DR.. Sphire and children. OIL
Mooleyville, are visiting friends in the
bottom this week.
Mrs. Abe Bennett and daughter, Verna,
spent last Thursday with Mr.. and Mrs
c. L. Warren.
Rev. Roberts, of Stephensport, helc
services at Gethsemane Sunday.
Mrs. Floyd Miller and daughter, Lou.
Use, of Henderson, are visiting hei
parents, Mr.. and Mrs, Abe Allen.
DR.. and Mrs. D. S. Sphire and chill.
dren, of Mooleyville, Mr.. and Mrs
VIM. Gardner, of Irvington: Mrs. Edwin
Tobin and children, of St. Louis: Mr.
and Mrs. J. B. Warren and children
Mrs. Mary Kaufman, of Louisville, anc
Miss Ada Cunningham, of New York, al
dined with Mr. and Mrs. Hy Stallmar
Sunday.
The Breckenridge news. (Cloverport, Ky.) 1876-1955, 1907-08-14
SAYS DAUGHTER
IS AN INEBRIATE
And Mrs. Sarah Bate, OF Nc
Quady, Causes Arrest Of
Louisville Man.

Alleging that he has made an in
ebriate of her fourteen-year-old daugh-
ter, Mrs. Sarah +. Bate, of McQuady,
this county, has had a warrant issued
for the arrest of John Matthews, of
Louisville.
Mrs. Bate says that on the first of
last month she sent her daughter, Freda,
who is only fourteen years Of age, TO
the city to reside with her uncle, John
Bate. Some time later the latter left
the city, leaving his niece in the care
of Matthews and his family. Mrs. Bate
charges that Matthews gave her daugh.
ter liquor until she has acquired a
fondness for 1t.
In the last few days Mrs. Bate says
that she has lost all trace of her daugh-
ter, and thinks she has been kidnapped
by Matthews.
The Breckenridge news. (Cloverport, Ky.) 1876-1955, 1907-08-14
Hardinsburg Happenings

mother, Mrs. Lucy Board, Sunday.
Miss Matthews, of West View, is
visiting Miss Butler.
A number of Hardinsburg folk at
tended services at Freedom Sunday.
Mr.. and Mrs, Marvin D. Beard, who
are visiting Mr.. aud Mrs. A. S. Edeleu,
at Burgin, will return home this week.
Mrs. Thurman Smith and children,
of Louisville, who have been visiting
her mother, Mrs. Susan Cox, have re
turned home
Dr. Frank Hoo6 returned to Clover
port Sunday.
Amos WOODS, of Louisville, is visiting
Mr.. and Mrs. Harvey Woods.
Mr.. and Mrs. Lee Bishop were the
guests of relatives in Louisville last
week.
The Cecelian Quartette, of Columbus,
Ohio, were at the opera house two
evenings of last week. They gave a
splendid concert, which was much en-
joyed by all who heard It, AS usual,
the receipts fell far short, and the guar
sntors bad to make up the d.fcit.
Mrs. w. B. Lennon and children, who
were visiting Mr.. and M 5. Roland A..
Smith, at Stephensport, have returned
home.
Mrs. ]. E. Wright, of Louisville, is
visiting her sister, Miss Tida Mercer.
w. S. Ball was in cloverport several
days of last week.
F. S. Kincheloe was in Louisville the
first of the week.
Misses Georgia Hughes and Laura
Royalty, of Leitch6eld, who have been
visiting Misses Nancy and Della Kinch-
eioe, have returned home.
Sam F. Keys spent Sunday at Irving
ton with his family.
Mr.. and Mrs. Luke B Reeves are the
guests of Col. and Mrs. E. L. Robert
son, at Glendeane.
Harvey Woods will commence the
erection of a residence on Third street
this week.
Gus Brown was at Bewleyville Tues
day on legal business.
Ed Dillon was at Irvington Sunday.
Misses Margaret Beard, Evelyn Beard,
Jennie Maxwell and Margaret Maxwell
were guests of Mr.. and Mrs. Alvin N.
Skillman Sunday.
The Breckenridge County Tobocco
Growers Union met here last Saturday
at the court house, with good attend
ance. Owing to the absence of the
president, James W. Miller, on account
of illness, only routine business was
transacted.
The Breckenridge news. (Cloverport, Ky.) 1876-1955, 1907-08-14
LIBERAL PREMIUMS
TO BE AWARDED
TOOwnerS Of Exhibits In Every De-
partment At Breckenridge
Fair Association.
HARDINSBURG, Ky.

The management of the County Fair
are very DESTROYS that the exhibits from
the County be full and complete. Lib
eral premiums for residents of Brecken-
cotnty are to be awarded for fancy
work, flowers, cakes, bread, fruits, etc,
and all the products of the farm. There
is no entrance fee, and the articles ex-
hibited belong to the owners and may
be removed by them on the last day of
The Fair
The exhibits from other counties along
certain lines will be fine, and hun
dreds of visitors from all over the State
will attend. County pride should in
duce Breckenridge county folks to make
a fine display of the products of the
county Breckenridge is one of the
finest in the State and her people
should always sustain her great
reputation.
The Breckenridge news. (Cloverport, Ky.) 1876-1955, 1907-08-14
IrvingtOn Intelligence

Mrs. Pomp Mccoy and son, Morris,
of Louisville, came Saturday to be the
guests of her mother, Mrs. Mamie
Bandy.
Miss Mary Cornwall will return some
time this week from Grayson Springs,
after being guest there for ten days.
Miss Mamie McGehee left last week
for Stephensport to visit her aunt, Mrs.
Dick Skillman.
Mrs. Luther Wilson and children
have returned from a visit to relatives
at Kirk.
Miss Lula Nunnelly. of Louisville,
has returned to her home after a short
visit to Mrs Sue Jolly.
Mrs Newsofn Gardner returned Sat-
urday from Chenault, after a visit to
Mr.. and Mrs. Bert Cunningham.
Mr.. Goodman, of Fordsville, spent
several days here last week, the guest
of his daughter, Mrs. Matt Payne.
Mr.. and Mrs. J. A. Culley and their
visitor, Mrs. Sterett, spent two days in
Louisville last week visiting their sister,
Mrs. L. w. Jones.
Mr.. w. B. Gardner left to-day for a
weeks visit to Chenault to join his
wife, who is the guest of her parents,
Mr.. and Mrs. Bert Cunningham.
The Breckenridge news. (Cloverport, Ky.) 1876-1955, 1907-08-14
NO. 5

two weeks stay at the home of her
son, Marion Jackson, near Jolly.
Miss Josie Ryan will teach at Ball.
town
Mrs. Jess Morton, of Montgomery
county, is visiting her daughter, Mrs.
Eli Fisher, and other relatives.
Mrs. Chas. Fisher, of Rock Vale,
spent last Wednesday with her son,
Eli Fisher.
Mr.. and Mrs. Ed Hook and son,
Jimmie, attended the Masonic picnic at
Hardinsburg, and were guests of his
mother Saturday night. .
Mr.. and Mrs. Sam Rice and children,
of Fordsville, spent a week with his
parents, Mr.. and Mrs. o. w. Rice.
They returned home Thursday, ac-
companied by his mother who will be
their guest few days, and will go to
Caneyville to visit her brother, Mr.. Bud
McQuady, before returning home.
The Breckenridge news. (Cloverport, Ky.) 1876-1955, 1907-08-14
GLENDEANE.
GLENDEANE, XIV.

c. w. Deane has been in Owensboro
this week visiting his brother, J. A.
Deane.
Willis Deane, of Owensboro, is vis-
iting his uncle, c. w. Deane.
R. w. Owen, of Lewisport, is Wis
iting J. T. F. Owen and w. c. Moor
man.
John Hoszins and Coleman Mat~
tingly went to Louisville this week.
Mr.. and Mrs. A. E. Smith are vis~
iting Mr.. John Smith. of Fordsville,
this week.
Bro. E. /. Rogers closed his meet
ing at Black Lick church this week.
Miss Margaret Peyton, of Falls of
Rough, was the guest of Miss Betsie
Norman Sunday.
c. V. Robertson, of Hardinsburg, is
down here on business.
The colored school opened here on
August 8. Sol Dean is the teacher.
The rock crusher is at Glendeane
now, and that is what we have been
needing for some time.
G. w. Matthews is still very i'll,
Boone Embry is confined to his bed
] suffering with typhoid fever.
The Breckenridge news. (Cloverport, Ky.) 1876-1955, 1907-08-14
BULLET BATTED
HIM ON THE HEAD
John Wood Makes Complaint
When That Member Is Made
Target For Air Gun
Practice.

That mans head was made for more
profitable employment and deserves
better treatment than a mere target for
air gun practice, is the opinion of John
Wood, and it's not to wonder at that his
feelings, as we'll as his head, were hurt
when ball from an air rifle batted him
on that member, and unceremoniously,
too.
1t happened Monday and the way
of it is told thusly: John was sitting
in front of the meat shop thinking
no harm, while several boys further up
the street were engaged in target prac-
tice. All went we'll until a shot singled
out Johns head, coming with such VIC
lence and so abruptly as to cause the
owner to "sit up and take notice" i'm
mediately. 1t is said that John at first
thought he had "bees in his bonnet"
and proceeded to get busy along that
line, when some one told him he had
been struck by cannon ball.
Horace Tucker was 1.-THE man behind
the gun" in this instance, and he made
the usual settlement with the city for
knocking a knot" on Johns head.
The Breckenridge news. (Cloverport, Ky.) 1876-1955, 1907-08-14

mother, Mrs. H. Campbell, who i:
very i'll.
Mr.. and Mrs. Jerry Basham and
daughters, Misses Carrie and Pearl at
tended the burial of Mrs. Ola Corley, OF
Patesville, Friday.
Miss Flora Newbury and nephew,
Master Oliver, spent several days last
week with Miss Ella Evans, of Pates-
vile.
Mr.. and Mrs. Cicero Rearden and
children spent Saturday and Sunday
with his parents. near Whitesville.
T. E. McGavock and daughter, near
Stephensport, were guests of relatives
here few days last week.
Frank Johnson made business trip
to Goering Saturday.
Fred Powers, of Goering, visited his
cousin, Frank Johnson, Friday.
Homer Tindle attended the funeral
of Mrs. Vim. Corley, Friday.
The Breckenridge news. (Cloverport, Ky.) 1876-1955, 1907-08-14
UNDER THE SPIRES.
Sunday Services in the ClOVerpOrt
Houses of Worship.
METHODIST.

Services were conducted morning and
evening by the pastor, the Rev. B. M.
Currie, who delivered two excellent dis
courses. Both services were we'll at
tended.
Rev. Currie is in Enron, assisting in
a protracted meeting, which will con-
tinue probably throughout next week
In his absence from his charge in this
city next Sunday the Methodist pulpit
will be occupied at the morning services
by the Rev. A. J. Bennett, pastor of
the Methodist church at Enron.
At the afternoon services at the Tar
Springs Methodist church Sunday a
large congregation was in attendance.
The pastor, the Rev. B. NJ. Currie, ex-
presses himself as much encouraged
with the prospects for the church. The
building is rapidly nearing completion.
The Breckenridge news. (Cloverport, Ky.) 1876-1955, 1907-08-14
GARRETT.
GARRETT, XIV

GARRETT, Ky.
School opened today, with Miss Lee
Thornsbery as teacher.
Messrs. William and Robert Roby
and William Funk spent Saturday and
Sunday at home.
Mrs. Richard Adams and children
attended the picnic at Garrett and were
the guest of Mr.. and Mrs. William
Tindall.
Mrs. H. Rusor was the guest Of w.
W. Miles and family from Friday until
Sunday, and Mr.. Rusor came down
Sunday morning and accompanied her
home Sundayevening.
Miss Zelma Miles will leave Monday
for Louisville to visit friends and rela-
tives.
The Breckenridge news. (Cloverport, Ky.) 1876-1955, 1907-08-14
MATTTNGLY
Accident to COrrOII Wilson II
California Results in Amputa-
ton of Leg--NewS of
MattingIy.
MATTINGLY, Ky.

MATTINGLY, Ky.
Mr.. Chas Pate, of Pisgah, is i'll with
malaria fever
B. H. Wilson is some better at this
writing.
Walter Newman has returned to
Evansville.
Mr.. and Mrs. Herbert Tinius visited
Mr.. and Mrs. George Perkins, at Rock
Vale, last week.
Miss Josie Ryan, Of Tar Fork, COM
menced her school at this place last
Monday. Prof. Wroe having resigned
on account of i'll health.
We are needing rain very badly in
this vicinity.
Mr.. and Mrs. Thos. Mason, Jr., Of
Evansville, came up last Saturday to
visit friends and relatives.
Will Mason, of Pisgah, sold his farm
consisting of about forty acres, to Thos.
Ryan, of the same place. Considera-
ton, $500.
Vane Pate went to Kosmosdale last
week to visit his brother, Len Pate, who
has very sick boy.
Mr.. and Mrs. ALI Hawkins went to
Cloverport last Friday to visit her par
ents, Mr.. and Mrs. c. B. Pate.
! Mr.. and Mrs: James keenan,, ST., Of
near Mattingly, entertained to dinner a
number Of the young people last Sunday
Mr.. and Mrs. Nat Ball and family, Of
McQuady, will move to Evansville some
time this week.
News has been received here from
California of serious accident that be-
fell Corroll Wilson, recently. Mr..
Wilson and another gentleman were ouI
hunting, when the gentleman, whose
name we failed to learn, shot at 6
gopher, missing it and the charge strik-
ing Mr.. Wilson just below the knee
The wound is of such nature that am
putation is necessary. Mr.. Wilson is a
son of the late ]. D. Wilson, of Clover
port, and has resided in California about
i've years. Mr.. Wilson's many friends
will regret to learn of the deplorable &C
cident.
The Breckenridge news. (Cloverport, Ky.) 1876-1955, 1907-08-14
TAR FORK.

TAR FORK, KY.
Miss Kate Hinton, of Cloverport, be-
gan her school at Morton s school-house
last Monday.
Ivan Bates is in Owensboro.
Miss Maud Ryan began her school,
near Stephensport, last week.
Mrs. Gabe Shrewsbury and little
son spent a week with her father-in-
law, near Jolly Station.
Mrs. J. B. Jackson has returned from
The Breckenridge news. (Cloverport, Ky.) 1876-1955, 1907-08-14
SELLS PROPERTY.
DR.. J. L. MOOrman Will Move
Family to Louisville.

DR.. J. L. Norman has sold his resi-
dence on railroad street to Mr.. John
Burn and will move with his family to
Louisville in a short time. Possession
of the property will be given Septem-
Der l. The consideration was 81, 500.
The people of Cloverport regret to
give up DR.. Norman and family, but
trust that they may be pleasantly sit
uated in their new home.
The Breckenridge news. (Cloverport, Ky.) 1876-1955, 1907-08-14
Display of Farm Products.

Farmers bring,in samples Of your farm
products, potatoes, corn, cabbage, wheat,
oats, rye or any other products you
would like to show as having grown
and they will be placed in the big ad-
vertising tent free, with a nice card on
them telling whom they were grown by.
1t costs you nothing and will help make
the big sixth Masonic Barbecue a great
big event.