The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1907-12-14

bHst Turtle-Grendma Is nearly 400
| years old and has lost all her teeth.
Second Turtle-well, then, she has a
soft snap.-Life.
Church-Did you ever try any Of
these close to nature methods? Goth
am-Well, I've used a porous plaster
| -Yonkers Statesman.
Madge-Is that writer really IA
nous? Marjorie must be, my dear.
! wrote to him for his autograph, and
he never sent it.-Puck.
Short-There goes one of my pre-
ferred creditors. Long-Why prefer
red? Short-He never asks me for
money.-Chicago Daily News.
she-Your last book was a success,
wasn't it7 He-Yes. She-The re-
views were so unfavorable 1 was al
most tempted to read it.-Life.
Justin, here's a bill collector" call
ed Mrs. Wyss. "All right" replied
Mr. Wyss from the library. "Give him
all he can carry away" = Leslie's
Weekly.
First Deaf Mute-If you objected to
his kissing you, why didn't you call for
help? Second Deaf NJ 4 couldn't.
He was holding both my hands.-Har-
per's Weekly.
Hicks-Did you ever succeed in per-
suading your wife when she gets an
CRY to count ten before she speaks ?
Wicks-Yes, but she is very rapid
counter.-Somerville Journal.
Il notice that you writer's use a
great deal of tobacco. Does 1t stimu-
late your brainsT Il don't know.
But 1t makes you forget that you're
hungry.'-Cleveland Leader.
Blanche-The most difficult thing is
to make up ones mind what to take
and what to leave behind. Henriette
I-Oh, l don't think 80. take all my
frocks and leave my husband.-Rire.
Fifth grade next year, Johnny ~
lies, SIR" "And you'll be In fractions
or decimals then. no doubt?' mo, sir ;
III be In beadwork and perforated
squares."-Washlngton ID. c. Her
aid.
Poor mani" exclaimed the benevo-
lent old lady. "And you say you have
no friends?' mo, madam" replied
the weary wayfarer; 81 used to be a
baseball umpire. Rec
ord.
| Wigwag-What Is your wife mad
about now? Henpecke-Her absent
mindedness. She was going to scold
me about something and she can't re-
member what 1t was.-Philadelphla
Record.
Tell me-" said Miss Witherupp,
MT. Newman remarked to you that l
didn't show my age, didn't he?" mot
exactly; he said you were careful to
conceal It," replied Miss Frank.-Phil-
adelphia Press.
There are only seven miles of rail-
road In operation In the whole of Per-
sia." ''Too bad!" commented the Hon.
Thomas Rott. at must be mighty hard
for a politician to make living IN
Persia."-Puck.
Barber-Thank you, sir. don't Oft
en- get my tip before begin. I'm sure
l appreciate Customer (who likes
his hair cut In silence)-I don't want
you to consider that tip. It's hush"
money.-Punch.
Mrs. Dashaway-Yes, while we were
in Egypt we visited the Pyramids. They
were literally covered with hieroglyph-
les. Mrs. Newrich-Ugh! Wasn't you
afraid some Of 'em would git on you?
-Phlladelphia Record.
81 suppose" remarked the dear girl,
that you do not believe in love at first
slghtf" ooh, yes, i do" rejoined the
old bachelor. "If men were gifted with
second sight they would never fall in
love. Home Magazine.
They were in the parlor of a sum-
mer resort hotel. She-John, why do
you always occupy the piano stool when
you are In the parlor7 You can't play
a note. He-No one else can. either,
while I sit here.-Harper's Weekly.
"Bilkins tells me he Is getting aw-
fully tired of living alone" 81 would
think he'd marry and settle down." 81
was talking with him about 1t the other
day, and he says he doesn't know
whether to get married or buy a pho
nograph. "-Milwaukee Sentinel.
young man." said the merchant, "I
hear you've been kicking because you've
got SO much to do" swell, yes, sir"
replied the clerk, ~ do think that
HIN! we'll have to give you SO much
more to do hereafter that you won't
have time to kick" Philadelphia
Press.
A widow advertised for a man to do
odd Jobs, and when she arrived home
one evening she found a young man
waiting to see her. Well" said the
lady, II want man to do odd Jobs
about the house and garden, to run err
! rands, to wash my dog, and see to the
cats; one that never answers back, and
1 is always ready to do my bidding" Ap-
plicant: you are looking for a hus-