The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-04-07

i, ''is why he knew me to be man or culture. My grandmother was a Van Dolsen of Van Dolsenville, Long Island q don't care who your grandmother was" said Mrs Smithers, nor your grandfather neither. But If you can tell me why lady like Mrs. Nandergouid was doing her own washing you'll do
 more than I guess you can"
 And you can say that when with my own eyes I see Mrs Smithers, the presi- dent of the Curleyville Culture club doing her own washing" said Eliph Hewitt, blandly, "and if I ask you why Mrs. Smithers, president of the Curleyville Gull ture club, Is doing her own washing, l
 know what you will say. You will say, Servants You will say. Servants are the bane of woman's life.' You Will say, Tell me where l can get good ser
 want in these awful days and you will no longer see Mrs. Smithers. president of the Curleyville Culture club, doing her own washing And that was what Mrs. Van dergould said to me. MT. Hewlitt.' she said, servants That was what she said. | MT. Hewlitt,' she said, for six weeks I | have not had a servant in the house, and l I must have the table linen done for this evenings grand swaray. I may have | bad temper she said, and I may speak 1 harsh to the help when I have any she l says, but the help a person Is compelled | to put up with in these days Is enough ] to give an angel bad temper. You are | surprised,' she says, to see me, perfect 1 lady and the boss of the so-called Four 1 Hundred, doing my own washing, but if l you don't like it, please tell me where l I can get a servant. I have tried she l says, and Reginaldo has tried she says, l and we have brought them home from 1 the intelligence offices by thousands, and 1 they give one look at the six weeks soiled linen piled up here. she says, and 1 they go.' And you, Mrs. Smithers, know l ing your own sweet temper. can under | stand why a woman with the temper of | Mrs. Vandergould should be doing her 1 own washing, when servants are what | they are."
 "They are ungrateful things" said Mrs. | Smlthers, heartily. "The last one had ] her name was Maggie"
 That was the name of my dear grand l mother" interposed the little man quick | ly, Maggie Van Dolsen. and million 1 aire in her own right. but 1t all went | in gold mine stock, but not until she l had bought a copy of"
 "I don't want to hear about your grand 1 mother" said Mrs. Smithers, bluntly. All ask you is how the Vandergoulds come 1 to ask you to dinner?"
 My grandmother, she bought" said l Eliph' Hewitt Well, a'am, I'll skin 1 my grandmother. There I was under the wash tubs, with soldering Iron in one | hand and force pump In the other, and l all of me that MT. Vandergoud could | see when he came into the kitchen was l the ends of my legs He came in hurried l ly and stepped on one of my feet Ode l lia,' he said to his wife. there's the dick | ems to pay for you know, maam," said | Eliph' 'some of the Four Hundred use l strong language when excited. Whats l up, Regnaldo?' asks his wife Whats up?' he says. Plenty Is up. and the l party tonight Is ruinedl Billy Bradleaf l the cut-up of the Four Hundred, and our | only genius, has took the measles and l can't come. Here I. have gone and or l dered the monkeys aud Billy is the only one that knows how to manage monkeys at a party. Here I have gone and or l dered the trained and educated pigs. and l Billy is the only one that can handle | them so as to make special paror | function out of them. Here Is Billy got l the measles and no one else in the Four l Hundred is able to provide a pleasant l evenings entertainment. consisting of 1 tricks games, readings from the worlds | great authors. anecdotes both wise and | witty, golden words from the greatest pulpit orators. and. in fact. everything | necessary to enliven the evening home l circle, the church entertainment or the | social event Where can l get another 1 man to suggest and carry out one thou l sand and one admirable parlor tricks l and games including charades, games | of skill sleight of hand, etc, etc, to | amuse the guests the way Billy Bradleaf 1 doesg At that Mrs. Vandergould threw | up her hands and the tears came into her l eyes. Reginaldo,' she says. the party Is ! ruined? I know it, alas" says he. and
 tomorrow morning the papers will be full
 of the shame of the vandergoulds. Where