The Penn's Grove record., 1907-07-12
With the Funny

Yls5:y 49,
A Publishers Chance.
hey publish the letters of all who can
write,
Collected and made into books
BUSINESS men, bachelors, children, and
wives,
Spinsters, and lovers, and cooks;
tut why doesn't somebody give to the
world
A volume that's sure of a sale.
lade up of the letters we put in our coats
And never remember to mail?
-NlcLandburgh Wilson.
In the Suburbs,
Raising anything on your place
his year,"
Pond lilies in my cellar."-Life.
Refined Agriculture.
Papa, what do you have to do
o be a gentleman farmer?"
Stay in town all winter and make
1oney."-Life.
The Reason.
Optimist-"This sausage is very
1t actually tastes like game"
Pessimist-"Made from a bird
og, ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS.
His Way.
Knicker - Curious creature,
1an."
Bocker-"Yes, after he gets old
nough to have cold feet he wants
o be a barefoot boy again."-Sun.
Providing For the Season.
Dear, let us take a little cottage
1 the country this summer"
All right, darling, but be sure
nd insist on a furnace in good
der."-Baltimere American.
Hits 1t Occasionally.
"You people in this town seem to
o a great deal on what the weather
ureau says"
I'VE do. We never know what
ay it may be right."-Chicago Jour
al.
An Art Lover.
Lawson-"Is old Bullion a real
over of art?"
Dawson-"I should say so. Why,
e can't enjoy a picture unless he
las paid at least $500 for it,
Journal.
Well Trained.
Hicks-"Your friend Marryat tells
ne he's got his wife pretty thorough
y trained now"
Wicks-"Yes, he's got her trained
o that he can make her do pretty
early everything she wants to do"
The Catholic Standard and Trib-
me.
Husband Information.
"Ah! pretty lady," said the for
une teller" you want to be told
bout your future husband?"
Not much" replied Mrs. Galley.
"Ive come to learn where my pres
mt husband is when he's ABSENT
Philadelphia Press.
Her Clever Ruse.
She-"You'H be glad to leaSn,
lear, that I've gotten out of visiting
'ur relatives"
He-"Grand! Splendid! 1t hung
yer me like a cloud. How did you
manage it,"
she-"Oh, I asked them here
life.
Angry Often.
Your husband says,that when he
S angry he always counts ten before
lie speaks" said one woman.
YES" answered the other. "I
wish he'd stop it. Since he got dys-
,epsia home seems nothing but a
in arithmetic. Washington
star.
Which Would Help Some.
"My dear" moaned the patient,
he tossed ~restlessly on his bed.
it's the doctor I'm thinking of.
n hill hie uiJ1 HATH
Never mind, Joseph" said his
wife. "You know, there's the in
urance Observation-Disclosures In.
Another Barring Clause.
The Lady-"But why can't you
work."
William-"Well, you see, lady, it's
ike this ere. I'm too poor, ma'am.
f I'd get a million or two to invest
n some goin' concern, I could git a
OBJ as manager, but l amt got the
ash. That's just how it is."-Pick-
Caution.
why do you follow Mary so
losely2" was asked of the Little
DO you suppose that with lamb
hops at thirty cents I'm going to
off by my lonely?" responded
he pet, who really was ear enough
age to be wise. "-Philadel-
'hia Ledger.
Explaining the Worry.
Wise-"Poor Burroughs! he's
1orrying a great deal about debts"
Newitt-"Nonsense! You'll never
atch him worrying because he can't
ay his debts"
Wise-"He's not worrying about
Id debts he can't pay, but about
ew ones he can't contract. "-Phila-
Press.
Putting Two and Two Together.
Uncle Ezry CATER the arrival of
he first guest at his niece's recep-
ion)-"Marthy! Marthy! Lemme
~ W. Vor friond'c dracc 10