The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-05-15

HE YELLED HE WAVED HIS ARMS LIKE
A WINDMILL"
Pickles Smith to throw away the re-
mains of the raw turnip he was chank-
ing on and then quietly said:
My friends, l hereby to
you de dissolushun Of de Limekiln De
batin' society. From and arter dis
date it will be hung by de neck until
dead"
(Sensation lasting a full minute, dur
ing which time State Rights johnson
choked Over a peanut and had to he
pounded on the back and kicked on
the shins.)
"Some two months ago sartin mem
bers of dis club came to me wild de
proposishun to start a debatin' society
widin dis organizashun. 1t was to
meet weekly. 1t was to draw mem
bers away from saloons. 1t was to
elevate EN-. 1t was to add to DER
gineral knowledge and give 'em more
mental confidence in deirselves.
II looked upon de idea wild doubt.
l believed dat de persons interested
could benefit themselves a heap more
by sittin' down at home wild de spellin'
book and de arithmetic. l gin my con-
sent. however, and de society was
formed and begun to hold meetin's. l
kept away until de meetin' last week.
I wanted to gin de society a fair
chance to see what it could do wild
Elder Penstock as de shinin' light at
it's head"
Uneasy Movements.
(Hitching around and uneasy move
ments in all parts Of the hall. General
feeling that a brick house was going to
hit some one before the thing was
over.)
Il drapped into de meetin' last week
spectin' to be highly entertained. l
had heard dat de society was in full
blast and takin' de shine out Of any
thing of de kind in de kentry. Seberal
people told me dat Cicero wasn't in it
wild some of de members and dat had
Clay, Calhoun and Webster libed on
till dis date dey would have hid DER
heads in humiliashun."
(Alore Of that uneasy feeling. during
which some one threw an apple core
and hit Drawback Henderson in the
left eye.)
DE subjick of debate dat eavenih'
was. Kin a Cross Eyed Man Eber At
tain Greatness" De first speaker was
Giveadam Jones. He hain't cross eyed.
but was born bow legged and has a
up and tackled de subjick like a mar
sawin' wood fur his breakfast. and he
closed his remarks by sayin':
"'De attenuation Of de agSravashun
exceeds de compatibility Of de exag-
gerashun so much dat it is useless to
prosecute de procrastinashun any fur
der
Yes. dat was &c way he wound up,
and de close was received wild thun-
ders Of applause. Rrudder Jones sot
down like a man who had cleaned out
lie last chicken in de coop, and den
Brudder Slaytack White got up and
tried his hand. He yelled. He waved
| his arms like a windmill. He jumped
up and down. When his knees got
weak and his voice got hoarse ne
wound up wild:
"'You kin believe wild Charles sum
ner or wild Tom Collins. but as fur me
de compilashun Of de insinuashun in
courages de conglomerashun till l feel
dat de afiliashun must eventually tri-
umph ober de humiliashun.'
Yes. my friends. OATS de way Brud-
der White ended up. and when he sot
down wild a superior smile on his face
a number of you gathered around him
and shook his hand. You just reckon
ed dat he had climbed to lie topmost
limb Of de tree and had reached de
pinnacle"
(More uneasiness. All over the hall
1t was like Il farmers hired man wait
ing for the COW to kick him and won
dering where her hoof would land
| DE remarks Of de p~recedin' speak,