Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1907-05-09

If war ever is started on unconcealed
weapons. the hatpin will have to 60
Philadelphia Ledger.
One of the quickest ways to get rid
of money is to try to get more in a
hurry.-New York Press.
Peace concluded in Central Ameri-
ca That's nothing Peace there Of
ten sees its finish.-Philadelph Led
ger
| At this distance, it would seem that
the stock market might have had
Philadelphia North Amer
| lean
1t must make even the San Francisco
crowd sit up to read the graft stories
eInanating from Harrisburg, Pa.-New
York Mail.
We can look for universal peace
about the time the club women have
solved the servant girl problem
Washington Post.
The swap of the free pass for two
cents-a-mile rate seems sure of an early
ratification and consummmation.-
Washington Herald.
When a man has been losing money
he has got TO blame it on the govern
ment or he might guess he had been
fool.-New York Press.
An English writer has discovered
that men laugh more than women. But,
then. they have something more to
laugh at.-New York Mail.
There's nobody smart enough when
he grows up to live up to the reputa-
ton his parents gave him when he was
a baby.-New York Press.
The scientists who claim to be able
to weigh the soul would need the finest
of scales to weigh the average con-
Washington Post.
Hartman says he prefers the peni-
tertiary to the poorhouse, and some of
his operations have shown that he
means it-Philadelphia Press.
Zion City now has two prophets. But
each seems to think that John Alexan-
der Dowies mantle is not big enough
to divide.-New York Tribune.
knowledge would be more general II
men could only be convinced that they
do not know as much as they think
they do.-Florida Times Union
The automobile industry has increas-
ed 46 per cent in five years, not count
ing by-products like profanity and
-plaster.-Indianap Star.
AS long as a Wall street panic can
be kept confined to Wall street there
is no reason for the rest of the country
to get scared. Philadelphia Press.
Mr.. Hartman says he has been a
pack horse" all his life. That may be
why he has been able to get away with
SO much recently.-Washingto Post.
The Chicago clergyman who says the
world is too light-hearted evidently
hasn't fallen in with Z. Ii. Hartman
ely-Philadelphia North American.
1t seems that Mr.. Hartman does
not speculate, this form of amusement
being left to the gentlemen who deal
with Mr. Harriman.-Philadel Led
ger.
In France, according to a contempt
rary, telephone girls tell the subscrib-
err II listen,' but here we know that
without being told.-New York Her
aid
Some of those Congressman who
went down to Panama are as enthu-
siastic over the canal as if they were
4;
Press.
For the next few months the list OF
greatest living Americans" will be sub
ject to change every time player saveB
a game by smashing out home rum
Washington Post
A Chicago dispatch says the STAND
ard Oil Company has not given up"
Certainly not. 1t is the practice of
the Standard to rake in, not to give up.
-Washingtin Post.
There was a bicycle stoop and there
is a roller skate cough, but the all
ment connected with the automobile
can be guessed-it is thinpocketitis.-
Philadelphia Ledger
However, it should be remembered
that those twenty Eight honest men are
in Pittsburg, where certain kinds of
scandal only add to the distinction
Philadelphia Press.
According to the census reports, Pitts
burg has fewer divorces than most
cities; but it appears to make up in
quality what it lacks in quantity
Philadelphia Press.
Whenever we read of q stockbroker
making $1,0OO,OOO in one day, we get
out of patience with the laboring peo-
pie who doubt the country's prosperity.
Washington Post.
The Baltimore Sun says we spend
more than $5,000,0O0 per annum on
baseball. Well, the people evidently be-
lieve they get their moneys worth
Washington Herald.
If popular nomination for United
States Senators becomes general. there
are lot Of men in the Senate at pres
ent who will not be defeated for re-
election. They won't run.-Philadel-
phia North American
When James ]. Hill, former presi-
dent of the Great Northern, expressed
the desire that the time should soon
come when less would be heard of
Washington he must have had a fore
boding as to coming events.-New York
World.
Mrs. Sage will devote part of her
husbands 500, 100000 fortune to inves-
tigating the causes of poverty. Per-
baps the investigators will find that
one cause is the lack of enough to 20
around in such large chunks-Phila-
delphia North American.
Lloyds' mournful motto, Every day
a ship is LOST will have to be changed
TO suit American conditions before
long. Every day train is wrecked"