davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Glenwood post., 1907-03-30
Denver 4 Rio GraRde Time Table

- - sss~ SsSss~S sssse~ sVVs>
EAST BOUND.
No. 2. Atlantic Limited, 1858 IN.
No. 4, Atlantic Mail. s:35 a. m.
~No. 226, Local Freight. 1890 p m.
No. 8, Chicago Express. 9,27 p. m
WEST BOUND.
No. 3, Utah and Cal. Elk. 9:32 a. III
No. 5, San Francisco Ex, 9:57 p. In
No. 1, Pacific Coast Lin. II 40 p m
*No. 225, Local Freight, IL 80 3. n
TO CARBONDALE AND ASPEN
*No. 227, Mixed, $40 a. IN.
TO CARBONDALE ONLY.
mo. 229. Mixed, 6:35 a. m.
FROM CARBONDALE AND ASPEN
mo. 22S, Mixed. arrives Gals p. III
FROM CARBONDAIE ONLY.
No. 23O, Mixed. arrives 8 ;25 a. IN.
*Carry passengers.
The Glenwood post., 1907-03-30

He took her in a shabby bile,
Eloped with hel, you see,
And soon justice pls ced the seal
For life on he and she.
And as he scanned the shabby aut.,
He said with sparkling eyes;
ut isn't purity by lot.
But 1t carried off the prize"
The Glenwood post., 1907-03-30

The Washington Post suggests a
Grass Widows Protective Union.
We have never had much experience
with grass widows. but have always
believed they we're Individually fully
able to protect themselves.
The Glenwood post., 1907-03-30

Don't be clam is dIummed
into the ear
OF boy kids when they first begin
to toddle.
But now and henceforth we will
only hear:
Don't be mollycoddle
The Glenwood post., 1907-03-30

Ellen Terry unhesitatingly admits
that she is so. In appreciation of her
chal ming frankness we should rise as
one man and tell her she doesn look
it.
The Glenwood post., 1907-03-30

A woman writer says that women
do not spend as much time shopping
in store as many men do shopping
in a saloon. And you cannot deny
the soft impeachment, ye rumshop
shoppers.
The Glenwood post., 1907-03-30

The friends of Fairbanks say he
is built like Lincoln, walks like Lin
coin, and tells stories just like Lin.
coin. And, come to think of it, LIN
coin was also fond of fresh buttermil TX
served in a yellow gourd. just like
Fairbanks This is ominous
The Glenwood post., 1907-03-30
JINGLES AND JESTS
copyRishr
eos ~
Lee Nancy
The Fdtefu| Spots on the Sun

Whenever unusual things come to pass
They laid to the spots the sun;
If lover in jealousy murders his lass,
He swayed by the spots the sun.
If the ball residing quakes to the core,
If the floods sweep the valleys and tempests ,osr
'Tis by science most speedily laid at the door
OF the terrible spots the
If the lava spouts forth from a fue of the earth
1t is due to the spots Oh the sum-
If dame to of babies gives BIRTH
Science points to the spots the sun.
If a tidal washes continents feet.
If senator asks to resign from his seat.
If a truth should appear in yellowish sheet,
1t is charged to the spots the sun.
If girl jilts count and elopes with dub,
'Tis because of the spots the sum-
If a fellow gets warps in his legs at the club.
They traced to the spots the sun.
If takes up her abode in S. D.
To have the bonds severed from which she be free
In order to wed Number Two-mayhap Three
The mad influence comes from the sun.
No matter what happens. the can be laid
To the spots the face of the sun,
The dreadful influence cannot evade
That comes from the spots the sun
E. en- when architect honestly tries
To write rhythmic his erratic pen flies
To ngles like this, because Pegasus SHES
AT the threatening spots the
The Glenwood post., 1907-03-30

Miss Gertrude Redhead of Buffalo
is mysteriously missing from her
home. She may have fled in des-
perate attempt to escape from the
name.
The Glenwood post., 1907-03-30


home. She may have fled in des-
perate attempt to escape from the
name.
Bumper crops Of ice are reported
from all over the East, but to prevent
the people from using it extravagantly
the trust will maintain the usual
prices.
A London literary critic claims
that laughter is immoral and should
not be encouraged. The editor of
London Punch evidently holds the
same view of it.
"We begin to see the administra-
tion 8 point says MIR. Hartman.
From the manner in which the mag
mates are squirming, it is evident that
they also begin to feel it.
1t is said that Missouri mules are
to be used in the construction Of the
Panama canal. This will necessitate
the addition of an emergency hospital
to the government outfit.
A Denver woman complained to
the water company that she had
drawn lizard from her hydrant, and
was coldly asked if she expected gold
| fish for the nrice she Maid
The Glenwood post., 1907-03-30

A Virginia girl walked half mile
barefooted in the snow to keep an
elopement appointment, and the man
in the case took her poor little feat in
his bosom and warmed them 1t may
not be long until he will try to kick
the footboald out of the bed If those
same dear little feet seek nesting
place in the small of his back.
To an Englishman is due the credit
of accomplishing the first double
rhymed ''limrick. He springs 1t
upon an unsuspecting world in the
London Chronicle:
There once was a cetain Rt. Rev.,
Whose sermons had such brit. clev.,
But he pitched it 30 strong
And preached for 40 long,
That everyone feared they mt. new.
A tribute to departed citizen en-
graved with a jack knife on head.
hoard in mountain graveyard:
Here lies what's left of Liar Joe,
A truly gifted liar
Who could out lie the liar below
In realms of flaming FIRE.
He lied in life, in death he lies,
And If, his sins forgiven,
BE made landing in the skies,
He plays the Tyre in heaven.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-01-30
s1een Habits of Animals.

''When a monkey sleeps he picks out
the highest perch he can find" said an
animal trainer. "When the only home
of the monkey was a forest, he lived al
ways In deadly fear of the lion. A live
monkey is the choicest morsel on the
menu of the king of beasts Although
the monkey is wise and knows that in
q zoo the lions are securely Gagged, the
fear is born in him, and he sleeps on
the high perch.
''The lioness, when free from family
cares, is prone to lie on it's back with
its legs stretched up straight in the air
and paws pendent. The lion, when the
excitement of. the day is gone, stretches
itself out fatty on its side, with paws
turned in, and twitches and throbs dur
Ing it's slumber a good deal like a dog.
GOrillas and chimpanZees sleep with
their hands over their heads. Bears,
which have no fear, sleep in any posi-
tion. The same is true of wolves.
animals Of a cunning or cowardly
nature, however, are always on the
alert, even when asleep. A seal sleeps
like a human being. Once in awhile
a seal will sit up with its head on it's
chest, asleep in the water. It's ears are
kept under, so that he may hear the
approach Of an enemy, sound travelling
with great distinctness under water. =
Pittsburg Press.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-01-30

In his annual message the President
brought forward again the subject OF
race suicide and limited at its preva-
lence among the well-tO-do classes.
Surely" he said, lit should need no
demonstration to show that willful ster
ility is, from the standpoint IF the
nation, from the standpoint Of the hui
man race, the one sin for which the
penalty is national death, race death, a
sin which is the more dreadful exactly
in proportion as the men and women
guilty thereof are in other respects, in
character and bodily and mental pow
ers, those whom for the sake of the
State it would be we'll to see the faith
ers and mothers of many healthy chill
dren, we'll brought up in homes made
happy by their presence" In connec-
ton with this warning it may be inter-
esting to know that conditions in the
United States are not very exceptional.
We learn from an article by James w.
Barclay in The Nineteenth Century and
After that the birth rate in fifteen Eu-
rOpean countries eliminated in 1876,
and there has been a steady decline
since except in Russia. Another fact
recorded is that the birth rate is high
est in the poorest districts. The truth
appears to be that America and Europe
are having much the same experience.
Almost everywhere the well-to-do have
small families and the poor have large
families The country whose birth
rate has not declined is remarkable for
the poverty of its people and for its
deplorable social conditions. Mr.. Bar
clay refers to a law on the subject
which he says was first promulgated by
Doubleday in 1871 and rejected by Mill
1t runs as follows with improved con-
ditions of life the fertility of plants
and animals (inciuding MANI declines,
and it increases when they are expos
ed to such unfavorable conditions as
would threaten the extinction Of the
species" From this law the cOnclu-
sions are reached that human volition
has little to do with the birth rate and
that the birth rate of a nation is in
versely proportional to the well-being
of It's people, Mr.. Barclay is evidently
of the opinion that the supply from
the lower classes" is not dangerous.
Nature" he says, without injustice
or impartiality, gives in turn to indi-
viduals Of every class a fair oppOrtu-
nifty of securing higher favors." But
whatever theories may be advanced as
to the operation of law, the similarity
of conditions is the interesting thing to
observe. Fear may vanish at the
thought that if the United States is
committing suicide so are all the other
nations.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-01-30
scALY ERUPTION ON BODY.

Doctors and Remedies FruitIess-
Suffered 10 Years-COmpleteIy
Cured by Three Boxes OF Cuticura.
''When l was about nine years old
small sores appeared on each of my
lower limbs. scratched them with
brass pin and shortly afterward both
of those limbs became so sore that i
could scarcely walk. When l had
been suffering for about a month the
sores began to heal, but small scaly
eruptions appeared where the sores
had been. From that time onward
was troubled by such severe itching
that until l became accustomed to II,
I would scratch the sores until the
blood began to flow. This would stop
the itching for a few days, but scaly
places would appear again and the
itching would accompany them. After
I suffered about ten years 1 made
renewed effort to effect a cure. The
eruptions by this time had appeared on
every part of my body except my face
and hands The best doctors in my ma
tive country advised me to use arsenic
in small doses and a salve. 1 then
used to battle the sores in a mixture
which gave almost intolerable pain. In
addition I used other remedies, such
as iodine, sulphur, zinc salve, %
SaIye. - Ointment, and in fact I
was continually giving some remedy
a fair trial, never using less than one
or two boxes or bottles. All this was
fruitless. Finally my hair began to
fall out and l was rapidly becoming
bald. I used IS -, but it did no
good. A few months after, having used
almost everything else, l thought I
would try Cuticura Ointment, having
previously used Cuticura Soap and be-
ing pleased with it. After using three
box, 1 was completely cured, and my
hair was restored, after fourteen years
of suffering and an expenditure Of at
least $50 or $50 in vainly endeavoring
to find a cure. l shall be glad to write
to any one who may be interested in
my cure. B. Hiram Mattingly, Yer-
million. S. Oak. Aug IS. 1906"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-01-30
Pierce TrembIed Also.

A New England Congressman once
went to Franklin Pierce demanding an
office for a constituent. Pierce sent him
to James Guthrie, Secretary of the
Treasury. By and by the Congress
man returned to the President in great
dudgeOn.
"What did Guthrie say to you about
appointing your friend?" inquired the
President.
HE said he would be hanged If he
would"
Did Guthrie talk that way to you?''
"He did"
'Well, that's the way he talks to me,
too" was Pierce's consoling repIy.-St.
Paul Pioneer Press.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-01-30

eled extensively, in speaking Of the
United States. He added: The only
trouble is to make your shopkeepers
understand that when you ask for one
thing you do not want something else"
the shOpkeeper who has not the artl-
Gle called for, but does have something
"iust as good" is a familiar annoyance.
He justifes himsif by the argument Of
progress" Every new thing which
comes into the market must make a
place for itself in field which may al
ready have other occupants. The new
conner may be a good article. Is it.
then, to have no chance? Is it never
to be recommended, simply because
there was 4 similar thing on the mar
ket before this appeared? These ques-
tiOns are worth considering. 1t is true
that inventions and cOnveniences
abound on every hand. Most of them
meet some special need or want be-
cause they were expressly designed to
meet it. In time they become well
known Then limitations and substi-
tutes appear. Against such as are
really improvements there is nothing
to be said. But when a market for a
good article has been created by the
energy and capital Of the original in
ventor or manufacturer, the attempt to
force into that market an inferior sub
stitute on the pretense that it is Just
as good" is to be condemned without
hesitation. Such attempts at substitu-
ton are particularly TO be condemned
when made by tradesmen who are pc
cuniarily interested in the manufac-
ture Of the substitute. Householders
frequently comment on the morals Of
shopkeepers who try to sell them some
thing different from the article they
called for; but they seldom think Of
their own part in the matter. Is there
not a certain moral question for the
householder himself to settle? He ought
to make it his duty as well as his bust
ness to get what he wants
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-01-30

Pandora, my girl, what have you in
your suit case?" asked Cerberus. try
ing to make goo-goo eyes with all Of his
heads at one and the same time.
Pandora haughtily caused her press
agent to hand him a newspaper clip
ping.
AS I suspected" quoth the warder
of the dread portal. You'll have to
check your luggage at the Office. The
rule is Imperative"
He pointed, as he spoke, to the pla-
card over his desk: "Ye who enter
here leave all hope behind"
Don't blame me, blame Dante" he
added, hastily, when Pandora bit her
pretty lip and seemed about to cry
Puck.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-01-30

The centenary of elizabeth Barrett
Browning's birth is to be commemor-
ated by the placing of her name on the
stone covering her husbands grave in
the Poets Corner in Westminster Alb
hey. 1t will be remembered that at
Browning's death it was proposed to
bring his wifes remains to rest with
his in the Abbey, but the offer was de
clined
The memoirs of the late Chancellor
Won Hohenlohe, which have been the
literary sensation of the year in Ger
many, will be published soon in Amer
lea. 1t was in consequence Of the pub
LEGATION Of this work, which reveals the
inside history Of the Kaiser's dismissal
Of Bismarck and other secrets of Ger
man diplomatic and political history,
that the Chancellor's son was COM
PEELED to resign his post.
DR.. Luther Gulick, writing Of the
right kind Of exercise in the Worlds
Work, says that the best forms Of exer-
else are those that call the big muscles
of the body into play-the muscles that
90 the work. He recommends golf as
the best form Of outdoor exercise for a
city man. The alternate activity and
rest that it provides for, the deep
breathing caused by the necessary hill
climbing, the sociability Of the game
all are admirable features.
An important article was recently
published in the Independent, review.
ing and appraising the principal his
torical publications of the year. On the
whole the writer found that the year
had been an important one, and had
produced many significant works, par.
ticularly in the field Of American his
tory. The greatest triumph, according
to the writer Of this article, had been
achieved by James Ford Rhodes, who
in finishing the last two volumes Of
his History of the United States from
1850 to 1876, had completed in seven
volumes the greatest historical work
that has been written III America
great not in length alone, but in excel
lence Of scholarship ana the magnitude
and interest Of his theme"
"A writer, if he has i little business
ability, finds the road to prosperity
easier" said a poet at a literary club.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-01-30

Take, for instance, the case Of Josh
Billings. Josh Billings, as soon as he
perceived that he could make So or $40
week by writing comic copy in pho
netic spelling, put his business ability
to work to see if he couldn't make
something really big out Of this talent
Of his. Looking about him, he found
that almanacs were popular. Accord
ingly he wrote a humorous Josh Bill
lings almanac. This he submitted to
various publishers. But no publisher
would accept it. SO Billings paid for
its publication himself, and reaped all
the profit Of it-a fine thing. For that
profit the first year, was over $1,000.
20 less than 10000 copies were sold.
During ten years, with this almanac
shat only required a month to write,
Billings took in from $4,000 to $4,000
annually. That same amount of work,
minus the business ability to market it,
vOuld have brought to its writer hard,
500 year"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-01-30

A magnificent record OF progress is
being made BY our manufacturing, min
Ing and transportation interests, but
the American farmer still holds his
place among our creators Of wealth and
may court comparison with other pro
ducers. There has been in the last
few years an immense development in
the science and art of agriculture,
which reveals its effects in the figures
Of the recent report Of the Secretary
of Agriculture. Crops beyond prece-
dent i'm 1906 prolong the present re
markable era of prosperity. The farm
values are S6,T94OOO,GOO, or S4S5OOO.-
eco more than in 1905 and S2,OOOOOo.-
600 more than in 1899 The farmers
prosperity Is welcomed by MI since he
Is \ generous consumer ana creates de
mand for tie labor Of workers I'm all
occupations.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-01-30
A Direct Appeal.

A story is told of a New York car
conductor who had once been in the
ministry, and who retained some of
his former ways of speech in his new
calling.
He had been at the front of the car
collecting fares, and when he returned
to his platform a well-disposed person
told him that a man had boarded the
car at Houston street and had found
place inside.
The conductor STEPPED inside the
doorway, and ran his mild gaze up and
down the car, but could not be sure
which Of the tightly packed passengers
was the late arrival.
Twill the gentleman who got on at
Houston street please rise?" he asked,
calmly.
The gentleman rose involuntarily,
and with a bow and a THANK your
the conductor collected his fare.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-01-30

The census bureau finds that in 1902
about one-half of our States mad In
heritarce tax laws which yielded them
q little more than S7,OOO,OOO. The cen
sus officials believe that by his time
the States are getting at the rate of
fully S1OOOO,OOO a year from this
source. Here is something for Congress
to consider before entering this field Of
taxation. Either Congress should stay
out or It should get exclusive occupan-
cy by amendment to the constitution.
With Congress in the whole field and
the States in part of 1t and both with
Intent to limit fortunes rather than to
raise revenue fortunes might be wreck
ed with a vengeance.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-01-30
Paner Gns Pines.

Gas pipes of paper are being made
in France. Manila paper is cut into
strips equal to the length Of the pipes
to be made. They are then placed in
a receiver filled with melted asphalt
and wrapped around a core Of iron IN
til the desired thickness is reached.
After being submitted to strong pres
sure, the paper is coated with sand,
cooled, the core withdrawn and the
outer pipe surface covered with a
waterproof preparation. 1t is claimed
that these pipes are good as, and more
economical than, metal ones.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-01-30
The MOdestY of Women

Naturally makes them shrink from the
indicate questions, the obnoxious eZ-
aminatiOns, and unpleasant local treat
ments, which some physicians consider
essential in the treatment OF diseases Of
women. Yet, if help can be had, it is
better to submit to this ordeal than let
the disease grow and spread. The trouble
is that so often the woman undergOes all
the Annoyance and shame for nOthingI
Thousands \Qf women who have been
cured BX DR.. Rerce'S FayOrite PreScrip-
ton writ6\ in. depreciation Of the cure
which diSL s3rS5s >rXltl the examinations
and local treatmentSsS There is 20 other
medicine SO SuTe--and- So f. Tor delicate
women as "FaVOritc Prescription" 1t
cures debilitating drains, irreguIaTity and
female weakness. Tt always helps. 1t
almost always cures. 1t is strictly nom
alcoholic. non secret, all its ingredients
being printed on its bottle-wrapper; con-
tains no deleteriOus or habit-fOrming
drugs, and every native medicinal root
entering into its composition has the full
endorsement of those most eminent in the
several schools of medical practice. Some
of these numerous and strongest of pro-
fessional endorsements Of its ingredients,
will be found in a pamphlet wrapped
around the bottle, also in booklet mailed
free on request, by DR.. r. Y. Pierce, Of
Buffalo, n. Y. These professional en-
dorsements should have far more weight
than any amount Of the ordinary lay, or
non-professional testimonials.
The most intelligent women nowadays
insist on knowing what they take as med
icine instead of opening their mouths like
lot Of young birds and gulping down
whatever is offered them. "FaYorite Pre-
scription is of KNOWN COMPOSITION. it
makes weak women strong and sick
women well.
DIR. Pierce's Medical Adviser is sent free
on receipt of stamps to pay expense Of
mailing OllIH Send to DR.. r. Y. Pierce,
Buffalo, n. Y, 81 one-cent stamps for pa
per-cOvered, or 81 stamps for cloth-b0und.
If sick consult the Doctor, free of charge
BY letter. All such communications are
held sacredly confidential.
DIR. Pierce'S Pleasant Pellets invigorate
and regulate stomach, liver and bowels,
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-01-30
Cheering Tommy Up.

The obstacle which beset the path
way Of a photographer when he en-
deavors to secure "a pleasant express
sion" are many, particularly when his
sitters are Of a tender age.
''I do not believe whipping does chill
dren a particle Of good" said Mrs.
Green, returning flushed and discour-
aged from a visit to the photographer,
with her Tommy. Here I've spent
over an hour in that hot room, trying
to make this child look pleasant. I've
slapped his hands twice and he looked
crosser each time than he did before -
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-01-30
The Child ana the Fire.

l wonder what the fire says
It's always talkin' so
Mother says it's singin'
The songs of long ago;
But what the fire says to me
Is what I'd love to know
One time there was a fire
Heard the co' wind sing and shout,
An told what it was singin'
To the people round about
An the wind came down the chimney
An blew the fire out
1 wonder what it's sayin'?
An yet, l think l know
christmas comin'-comin'
In gallop 'crost the snow
It's going to bring you lots O. things
Because it loves you so !"
Atlanta Constitution.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-01-30
ELY CATHEDRAL.

Ely Cathedral has recently celebrated
the eight hundredth anniversary of it,
dedication. The picture shows the
west front Of the stately edifice. 1t is
cruciform in design, 537 feet in length
by TO feet across the great transepts.
1t is Gothic of almost every style from
early Norman to perpendicular. The
great church has been restored per-
fectly since 1915.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-01-30
A Fair OFFER.

The young housewife was thrifty
and. as a writer IN the Chicago News
hints, a trife pert.
you ought to take something of
for the holes In these doughnuts," she
said to the baker.
Certainly, n, am" he replied,
blandIy. eve always allow one cent
each for the holes when they are re-
turned"