davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1907-04-03
YOU CAN'T,

YOU CAN'T.
You cannot cure hams with hammer,
You can't weigh a gram with a gram
mar
Mend socks with a socket,
Build docks with a docket,
Nor gather up clans with clamor.
You can't pick locks with pickle,
You can't cure the sick with sickle,
Pluck figs with Pigment,
Drive pigs with a pigment.
Nor make your watch tick with a
tickle.
You can't make a mate of your mater,
You can't get crate from crater,
Catch moles with molar,
Make rolls with a roller,
But you can get a wait from waiter
You cannot raise crops with cropper,
You can't shave your chops with a
chopper.
Break nags with nagger,
Shoot stays with stagger,
Nor pop to a girl with pepper.
Boston Transcript.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1907-04-03
COMING EVENTS

TONIGHT.
knights Templar ball at Masonic
Degree Of honor dance at Odd Eel
lows hail.
Thursday Musical Recital at Presby-
terrain church.
Keystone Lodge NJ. p. A. at Norman
Halls Juvenile dancing party at
theater.
East Side high school entertainment.
THURSDAY, APRIL 4.
knights Of Pythias at K. p. hall.
Modern Woodmen at Odd Fellows
Ladies' Auxiliary of o. r. c. dance at
Commercial club rooms.
Modern Woodmen dance at Odd Eel
lows hall.
FRIDAY, APRIL 6.
Junior High school dance.
Eagles ct X: p. hall.
aa y, R. c. afternoon at Odd Fellows
g: A. R.. at Odd Fellows hall.
Modern Brotherhood Of America.
Keystone Lodge U. P. A. at Norman
SATURDAY, APRIL 9.
Brotherhood Of Locomotive Engineers
MONDAY, APRIL g.
Pythian Sisters at X. p. hall.
knights Tempiar at Masonic temple
TUESDAY, APRIL 9.
Lady Elks, afternoon.
Rebekahs at Odd Fellows hall.
Sons Of Norway, X. p. hall.
Corinthian Chapter r. A. NJ. Masonic
Temple.
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 10.
Degree of Honor at Odd Fellows hail.
THURSDAY, APRIL II.
Ladies' Auxiliary of r. N. Clerks,
afternoon.
Knights Of Pythias at Masonic Tenn
Royal Neighbors at Odd Fellows hall.
FRIDAY, APRIL n
n. D. intercollegiate Oratorical Con-
Acacia Lodge A. F. and A. NJ. at Ma
sonic Temple.
Modern Protective Association at Odd
Fellows hall.
SATURDAY, APRIL IS.
Halls Academy.
h JUNE 2, 9.
Grand Council U. CT. Grand Forks.
Grand Chapter o. e. 8.
(Note.)-All lodges and societies are
invited to send notices to this column.
All meetings are nights, unless other
wise specified.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1907-04-03
NO COMPROMISE.

Minnesota SOlOns Decide It Shall Be
S.Cent Fare or Nothing.
St. Paul, April 2-The conference
committee composed of members of
both houses of the state legislature
which met with representatives of the
railroads yesterday for the purpose Of
formulating a compromise on the q
cent fare bill and on commodity rates,
reported to the legislature this after
noon that proposals for compromise
be rejected and that the 2-cent fare
bill be passed.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1907-04-03
JAQUITH SUICIDES.
Prominent Omaha Grain Man Killed
Himself Today.

HtIIHSCSI 1VUuys
Associated Press to The Evening Tines.
Omaha, Neb., April "A. B. Jaquith,
a prominent grain commission man of
Omaha, and one of the original pro-
moters OF the Omaha Grain Exchange,
shot and killed himself at his home
today. His suicide is attributed to dis
transactions. He was 46 years old.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1907-04-03
GIBBS GRAIN
AND FUEL co.
Phone 600 Office. 500 K,tt.o.

The man with an extremely long
beard is prouder of it than woman
is of good complexion.
At least this should be said to the
credit of visiting women: They can
be guests Of honor a few times with
out lacking on Hon." to their names.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1907-04-03
The Amount of Draft

largely governs the consumption of
coal: but, other things being equal,
coal as we supply it requires less
draft, because it give of more heat in
proportion to the weight Of the coal
than 80 per cent. of the fuel offered.
We can prove this on the fair trial of
single ton. Order direct from us.
Buckhorn Washed Nut, just right
size for range use.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1907-04-03

McCray s. Trevatt
CARPETS, RUGS, WALL PAPER,
windows and general house-clean-
ing.
425 DeMers Ave. Phone: T. 8.
71R. N. w. 292L.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1907-04-03
S. A. Martins

TRANSFER AND DRAY LINE.
Do a general moving and transfer
-, business. Prompt service. Also
have wagons for removing ashes
and yard refuse, promptly. Phones
N. w. No. 439, T. S. No. 1862, resi-
dence No. 720 Walnut ST., City.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1907-04-03
EVENING. TIMES WANTS
~ Asys.'.s:t: ..ae: this ae.ai.s
eelsek
HELP WANTED

WANTED-GIRL FOR GENERAL.
homework at 215 Chestnut street.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1907-04-03

wANTED-PRINTER; STATE WAGE
wanted and experience. Addres
Evening Times. No. A.402.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1907-04-03

wANTED-A WASH WOMAN WHO
will take washing home. Inquire at
Times Office.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1907-04-03

WANTED-A GIRL FOR GENERAL
Mrs. G. A. Bangs, Reeves avenue
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1907-04-03
.C[ASS|F|EDA ADS

PLUMBING, STEAM AND HOT
Water Fitting. Pumps and WlnA-
mills. Sewer and Watsrworks On.
tractor. Lead and Iron Pine a.
Fittings. Brass Goods, Sewer Papo,
Hose. Etc. Grand Forks, n. Dak
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06

H ARCHDUKE FRANCE FERDINAND.
given the sovereign a great amount Of
anxiety because of their preferences in
matrimonial matters. The %archduke
made a good choice except from the
point of view Of the interests Of the
state. He fell in love with the Countess
Sophie Chotek. whom he persisted in
marrying in spite of all the obstacles
placed in the way of the match. She
was a lady in waiting to the Crown
Princess Stephanie and not Of high
enough rank to wed a possible mon.
arch. according to Austrian court ira
ditions. But she proved a good wife to
the archduke and has won her a. to
the affections of the people, and she
even won the good opinion Of the En-
peror Francis Joseph. who some years
ago conferred upon her the title Of
Princess Hohenburg. AS she is only
q ~mOrganatic consort she is not eligible
to become an empress, but it is said
she may become queen of Hungary.
Besides the book about his travels
which the archduke wrote after his
visit to America in the Chicago Worlds
fair year, he is the author of two vol
umes of poetry and of several histori-
cal ana biographical essays. From this
it may be seen that he is by no means
an unlettered and uncultured man. as
has sometimes Deer said. He is very
fond of music and is something of Il
composer himself. He is an engineer
by profession and is the only prince Of
the blood who has secured his diploma
as such, it Is said. At any rate. he is
an expert at machinery and of an in
ventive turn Of mind. Many tales have
been told OF him that did him injus-
tice, some Of which described wild
pranks committed. not by him. but by
others of the emperor's nephews.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06
D0WSER GETS lcII
His Sympathy With Manki.,..
Trouble Is Not Wanted.
MIKES UP IN FAMILY row

Thought He Was Suceorine a De-
spondent Woman Who Had a Design
to Drown HerseIf-Mrs. 3. Helps to
Pile on the Agony.
copyright, 1907, by Homer Sprague.j
Mr.. and Mrs. Bowser had taken a
Deat on the front steps after dinner
when a young woman poorly dressed
passed the gate with slow steps. He
watched her until she disappeared
around the corner and then said:
THAT poor woman is in trouble, and
l wish l had gone down to the gate
and spoken to her. She is making for
the river, and SO far as we know it is
with the intention of committing sui
eide"
II think that same woman called
here the other day and was intoxicat-
ed" replied Mrs. Bowser.
II don't believe anything Of the kind.
No one with that hopeless, detected
look gets it from whisky. You could
see by her very walk that she was
tired of life and it's troubles. I wouldn't
have such a iinty heart as you for all
the money in the world. Haven't you
got a spark Of sympathy for any hu-
mar being?"
worthy. If 1 wanted that woman to
wash or iron she wouldn't come for 50
a day. There was a man here today
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06
Locomotive Speed Indicator.

Among Interesting Inventions of late
years for increasing the safety of rail,
way travel is Il speed indicator used in
France, consisting of Il centrifugal
pump driven by II Of the locomotive
aXles which sends water from the ten
der into q small cylinder.
The water in this cylinder raises q
piston against the pressure OF a sprina
and loves up OF down in proportion
to the speed Of the train.
An automatic registering device re
cords the varying speed so that its rate
can he read ut any instant by the en-
gineer. and when it rises above a fixed
limit the piston acts upon a leverage
which throws on the airbrakes.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06

eENRf M. WHITNEY. subject and in at
tempting to quote the president re-
specting an interview which he had
with him at Washington gained an
election to the now celebrated Ananias
club. Mr.. Whitney is a brother of the
late William c. Whitney, secretary Of
the navy in the cabinet Of President
Cleveland. and was born in Conway,
Mass, in 1889. He obtained his educa-
ton in the public schools except for a
year which he spent at the Williston
seminary. E~asthampton. He began
his business career as q clerk in the
village store. later entering a bank, and
in subsequent years was engaged in
the shipping business and in the opera
ton of street railways. In late years
he has been active in some of the lar
gest corporations in New England. He
vas the first to introduce electric cars
in the Bay State capital. and his cham
pionship of reciprocity ideas has on
more than n occasion caused him to
receive national attention.
One of the incidents Of the campaign
might have proved annoying to Mr..
Whitney. but by good luck has only
afforded him a little amusement. At
Springfield he met Il man who turned
out to be n pickpocket and who
'frisked" from him a card case. AS it
happened. the stolen property contained
only some personal cards. railroad pass
es and a dollar bill. The thief return
ed the bill to Mr.. Whitney with the
comment that the latter might need it
In his campaign. The cards and other
contents of the case he sent to Thomas
W. Lawson. with the request that he
pass them on to Mr.. Whitney.
Mr.. Bartlett was the Democratic
nominee for governor Of Massachusetts
two years ago. He was born in Boston
In 1916, is a veteran Of the civil war.
a brilliant lawyer. and famous for his
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06
IMPROVED CAR WHEEL,
Provided With Pneumatic Cushion 70
Lessen Vibration,

Provided With Pneumatic Cushion I,
Lessen Vibration.
With a view to reducing noise in
city streets Mr.. Benjamin Gastai OF
Pelotas, Brazil, has devised an in
proved wheel adapted to he use. or
all classes of vehicles, but more esre.
cially Oh street and railroad cars. OF
course the ordinary expedient of equip.
ping the wheels with pneumatic tres
is not applicable to wheels which trav.
ell on rails. but Mr.. Coastal has invent.
ed a special form Of wheel. in which
the pneumatic cushion is placed he
tween the rim and a Hanged tire. Sc
that without changing the character OF
the tread surface the wheel is cush-
Toned and the usual noise and vibra-
ton materially abated.
In the accompanying engraving one
Of he figures shows the improved
wheel complete. and the other. which
Is a cross section through the rim.
shows the details Of construction. The
rim ca Of the wheel is provided with
a central annular flange. In this
fange and in the main body of the
rim at either side of the 1ange an
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06
AN ARTIFICIAL FACE.
French Surgeon Performs q Marvel Of
Mechanical ingenuity.

French Surgeon Performs a Marvel Of
Mechanical Ingenuity.
In consequence of the bursting of IL
gun while out shooting, a man had his
chin, the lower part of his jaw, a por-
ton of his tongue and the whole of his
upper jaw and nose blown away. DR..
Delaire of the French Academy of
Medicine has replaced the missing or
gans by artificial parts, and his work,
which is considered a marvel of me
chanical as we'll as surgical ingenuity.
has been exhibited before the acad-
envy.
From ten or fifteen feet distance.
V in a well lighted room, the me-
chanical face appears quite natural.
and the man is able to masticate bis
food and speak with comparative ease.
face and washes 1t with soap and wa
ter. This face consists of four parts.
The first Is a silver groove, into which
some of the lower teeth are fixed. This
Is attached to a dental apparatus Of
tin, into which are fixed the remaining
teeth. The second piece consists of Il
dental apparatus In v%ulcanite and gold
for the upper row of nine teeth. This
is fitted to two small protuberances,
which fit into the nasal cavities. This
also fills up the right sinus, which was
smashed in. At the back is a piece OF
gold mechanism with hooks, used to
fasten OF the face piece. The third
piece Of the mechanical face consists
of the chin and lower lip. This is of
india rubber. painted to resemble ma
ture.
Over the chin a false beard is fixed.
At the back are a couple of small bolts.
which pass through holes in the teeth
and fix the lip to the artificial lower
jaw. The fourth and last piece Of the
apparatus consists Of the upper liz
and nose, also in india rubber. and
painted, to which is attached a false
mustache. At the back are two small!
clasps, to which the upper dental piece
and jaw are fixed.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06

JAMES E. WATSON. a speaker. He told
a story recently anent the operation of
the pure food law and intended to H.
lustrate his expressed theory that more
people would be good if they had to be.
ut was while we We're wrestling
with the pure food bill at Washing
ton," he said. that l got a letter from
home, written by a man from whom !
bought a big quantity of maple strip
each year. He urged me to fight for
the pure food bill. Now. l couldn't
help remem bering to save my life that
this man bought five barrels of brown
sugar at the opening of the maple mo,
lasses season. So l wrote him n note
suggesting that advocacy of a pure
food measure seemed odd from a man
who bought five barrels of brown sugar
before beginning the manufacture Of
his pure maple strip.
"Never feaZed him. He turned my
letter Owe and wrote on the back. Il
know 1t. but l want the law to make
me do right"
James IL. higgins. who has been
nominated by the Democrats of Rhode
Island to succeed himself. Is reputed
the youngest governor in the United
States. and the commonwealth over
which he presides is the smallest In
the sisterhood Of states. Previous to
his first nomination for governor in
1906 he had for four years been mayor
Of Pawtucket and was then known as
the hoy mayor" He was born In
Lincoln. II. L.. in 1876. and was left
fatherless ut the age of thirteen. He
took up the duty Of providing for him
self and his mother and two younger
brothers, attended school and worked
at night as bookkeeper and in other
ways managed to ear money and
prosecute his studies rs we'll. At the
high school his fellow students won
dered how he could dispose Of his les.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06

a. ahat tlHle pCeSl-
dent of Brown university. AS the re.
II of the friendship expressed for the
young MAJ by President Andrews. he
passed through Brown university with
high honorS. 4 kind aunt supplement-
ed the assistance Of the Brown presi-
dent. and young Higgins did the rest.
Nights and Sundays he labored, and
attending the Georgetown uni
versity law school he worked Il part Of
the time in the Office Of the district at
torney. 1t was work and study for
him all the way along. and he was per
sistent. He was admitted to the bar
IN 1900. AS mayor Of Pawtucket he
espoused the principle Of municipal
ownership and championed the cause
OF rigid enforcement of laws agains,
gambling and Sunday liquor selling.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06

ton as an eloquent FRANK $. kATzE>
speaker. The plat "A."'
form upon which he is running dc.
clares in favor of election Of Unites!
States senators by popular vote and OF
the direct primary method of nominal
ing public officers. and it urges tn"
following policies:
Publ moneys shall be interest bearing
in all cases.
Public officials shall give daily attention
to the discharge Of their duties and shall
be permitted to hold but one office.
Public contracts shall be made and sup
plies furnished upon competitive bidding
after due advertisement.
James f. Watson, Republican nomi
nee for governor of Indiana, is the pres
ent representative of the Sixth district
of the state in congress and succeeded
the famous collector" Holman in that
position. That vas in 1897, and Mr..
Watson has been in congress contin-
ually since except for one term. He
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06

positions of influ- T. W. hAHrl.ETT.
ence and responsibility. AS a boy he
was ambitious for an education but
his father was unable to supply the
money for his course ut a higher in
stitution Of learning. After his return
from serving his country on many
fields Of battle he worked on the farm.
and ut II time for n bridge building
concern engaged in the construction Of
a large cofferdam. sometimes standing
up to his waist In water. but always
displaying the same staying powers
and tenacity Of purpose that in later
life were to help him SO much with
juries and judges.
In the fall Of 1865 he entered Dart
mouth college. IN institution which to-
day has no more loyal friend. His
financial resources were so slender
that he was obliged to devote a part
Of each college year to teaching. and 1t
was while doing this that he first gave
public manifestation Of his marked
executive ability and force Of charac-
ter.
during the 1our college years he
taught in various places and put in
some hard and muscle building
work on the farm during the vacation
period. He graduated from the Albany
Law school in 1871 and for several
years practiccd law in Dover. n. H..
but for over thirty years has been a
resident of Massachusetts.
John Franklin Fort, Republican
nominee for governor of New Jersey,
was born in Pemberton, burlington
county, in 1852. He is Il nephew OF
the late Governor George Il. Fort, who
served from 1851 to 1854, so that his
friends say the ~governorship OF the
Etate may be considered to belong in
y way in his family. He was educat
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06

tics. by another Democrat. Governor
Ludlow. He was a delegate to the
Republican convention which nomi
mated Blaine for the presidency and
in 1896 placed the late Carrot A. Ho-
bart in nomination for the vice presi.
dency. He is one of the three New
Jersey members of the constitutional
commission on uniform laws for all
the states. Governor Griggs in 1896
appointed him a judge of the Essex
court of common pleas. and in 1900
Governor Voorhees, appointed him a
justice of the supreme court of the
state.
Frank S. Katzenbach. Jr., of Trenton,
nominee Of the New Jersey Democrats
for governor, hopes to receive a unique
birthday present this year. Election
day falls on Nov. 5. That is the day
OF which in the year 1868 he first saw
the light. Should he be chosen gov.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06

sons so quickly and
find time for the
outdoor games and
amuScmentS. for he
was an expert base
ball player and was
made the captain of
the school nine.
Leaving the high
school, his one de-
sire was to enter
college, and here Il
friend in need came
to his rescue in the
person Of +. BenJa-
min Andrews. the
noted educator, and
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06

asking for an old coat, and 1 offered
him a quarter to cut the grass. He
turned away as if l had insulted him.
But he wasn't hungering for human
sympathy" protested Mr.. Bowser. "He
was a mar and a tramp. The other
was Il m who was crushed with
troubles. l shouldn't be the least sur
prised to see by the papers in the
morning that she had leaped into the
river and ended ALL"
THAT may be the best thing she
could do"
She Needed Kind Words.
"Well, if that isn't brutality then !
don't know the English language!
Mrs. Bowser. if that poor woman does
commit suicide then you are a muir
deress! Who a say that a few kind
words from you would not have saved
her, and yet you saw her dragging her
weary way along and never w gave
her a look of pity"
what had l to do with it any more
than your" asked Mrs. Bowser. "You
could have stopped her and assured
her Of your sympathies. In fact,
was waiting for you to do 90"
"You were waiting for nothing, I'm
less it was to sec her fall down in a
faint. Even then you would have be-
grudged her a smell of a camphor bot.
tie. 1t Is a few people such as you
that make this world cold and cruel
Imagine the feelings of that poor wo'
man on her way to the river! Here
you sat, stiff as a poker, well dressed
and looking content, and as she sur
veyed you with pleading eyes she re
ceived only a cruel stare in return
She will have a picture of you right
before her eyes as she goes to hel
DEATH"
"Rut she hasn't gone yet. She's
standing down there on the corne
thinking it over You might 60 down
and assure her Of your pity and inter
est and offer her Il quarter not to com
NIT suicide. If you walk around fol
an hour you will meet with severa'
other cases."
Mr.. eowser Decides to Act.
0y llC tCA loLS VI bSSS "oAs SuVut
ed Mr.. Bowser as his face got red anG
his hair began to curl, but Ill do it
I'll not have this house pointed out as
the residence of two barbarians.
am not a rich man. and I can't founi
hospitals nor give thousands to thu
poor, but ! car let my fellow mer
know that l have a heart and am will
ing to do my mite. Mrs. Bowser, wheI
return l want a talk with you-a Ions
talk. II l have been living with a saw
age all these years l want to know i
and make a change. think you car
hold yourself in readiness to take thu
10 o'clock train for your mothers to
morrow"
With that he walked down the steps
and out Of the gate. The detected
young woman saw him coming dowl
| the street and went her way, but h
soon overlook her. Her bumped shout
ders and dragging feet excited new
pity, and as soon as nea enough h
said:
young woman, l should Ill t
sneak a few words to you"
She stopped and turned to face him
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06
Not to Be Thought o..

There was once a multimilliOnaire n.
was very multi indeed who scat
immense sums of money on his c.:i'
dren. They had everything. incluIi..-
four automobiles and a steam yar.;
each.
Still they were not satisfied.
Gar YOU not" they implored. spend
Z little time with us now and thea
Time" cried the multimillio. .uire.
greatly shocked. NO, no! You are
dreaming. 1t Is impossible"
This fable teaches that time is not
money in any practical sense.-Puck.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-11-06

nular grooves are formed. which serve
as seats for the pneumatic tubes OBJ.
The rim &C. of the wheel is provided
with seats. which bear against the
tubes CD at the center and outer side
Of the wheel. \ side section (D). which
is fastened to the tire section Co and
bears against the inner pneumatic
tube and the inner side of the central
pneumatic tube. serves to hold the tire
section to the wheel and prevent it
from being moved laterally off toward
the outer side. The section D is held
in place by a series Of c~ountersunk
screws (E). The space which separates
the rim ca from the tire section (Cl
and side section CO. is covered by a
pair of annular covering flaps (F).