The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1907-02-17
NAMES OF NEW WORKERS.
Having Fun With the Directory of the
Big City.

lBHrom the New York World.
You have all heard and most of you
have told the story of the man who didn't
care TO read the dictionary because the
subject changed so often. This is, of
course, funny way of saying that the
dictionary is u dry book. However, one
might perhaps extract amusemSnt even
from dictionary if he knew how. Ger
talnly he can get entertainment from a
city directory.
Take, for instance, our own new city
directory. That it has more names than
its immediate predecessor and that this
indicates that New York has grown just
as much in population in just such a time
these things go without saying.
But what reference is made in the di-
rectory to that great matter of love,
which has ruled the world for no one
knows how many years? Go through the
book, dear reader, and you will find
that it contains forty-seven Loves, one
Heart and one Lover There are twenty
Spooners. two Huggers, sixty-one Dar-
1ings. three Bears, five Pets, three
Sparks, six Kisses, three Smacks and ten
Hugs.
A study of the directory shows, too,
that, despite its boosted democracy, New
York is endowed with five and a half
columns of Kings, twelve Queens, one
column of Princes, twenty-four Dukes,
thirty-eight Earls and eighty-two Lords.
There are sixteen Castles for all this roy
atty to dwell in
The spiritual welfare of the city ought
to be well looked after also, for We find
listed sixty-three Popes four Cardinals,
1872 Abbots, nine Abbeys eleven Priests.
twenty Parishes, two Chapels, thirty
eight Elders, column and three-quar-
tiers of parsons, two columns of Deans,
twelve Deacons. a column of Churches,
forty-eght Sections. twenty-eight Chris
tianS and eight Bibles
1t speaks pretty we'll for New York
sobriety and general good character that
Notwithstanding the vast number of peo-
pie whose names are in the directory
there are only two Lushers, one Bum
fourteen Bunns, thirteen Bats, foul
Lushes, fifteen Stills. one Branigen. three
Lodes and one Booz. In the matter OF
smoking great temperance is shown. too
for there are listed but one Smoker, ont
Pipe and one Smoke.
Father Knickerboekers barber shop is
well filled. 1t has siXty-seven BARRIERS
and five Shavers-quite a bunch to look
after only thirty Boards and one Hair
but it has one Pole out and is ready tC
do more business
There are four and one-half columns
of Bakers, fourteen Rolls. one Cal<ebreaC
and one Pies, and he is Harlem baker
by the way,
That New York is still young towr
Is shown by the fact that there are sever
columns of Youngs ard only six Olds
The comparison of seven Fats as against
one Skinner doesn't constitute a bac
showing either.
Considering the greatness and goodness
of the big burg, it is hard to see WHY
ne directory should hand it twenty-onC
Lemons The fact that we have also IF
teen Apples, eighteen Citrons, five
Oranges, five Peaches, one Grape, three
PIums and one Pear doesn't make entire
amends, but New York isn't going to cry
about it. IT is too light hearted, for as
the directory shows, 1t has eighteen JOYS
and seven Happes to only one Tear
The first name in the directory Is
Jacques Aa and the last name is Louis
Zyss. There are twelve names that be
gin with X, nine columns of Joneses
fhirty-five columns of Smiths, two col
1Imns of John Smiths and nineteen col
llmns of Browns