davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-04-11
TIRED BACKS.

The kidneys have great work to
do in keeping the blood pure. When
49, ~,a+ ~ 0,.do,.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-04-11

Study of theatrical stars has moth
ing to do with astronomy.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-04-11

The largest Creamery in the Northwest.
Milton Dairy Co.. st. Paul. MINI.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-04-11
We Paw Ton Price for Cream.

Cash every day. Write for prices and
tags. Miller g. Holmes, st. Paul, MINI.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-04-11

For Prices on Poultry,
either live or dressed, write r. E. Cobb,
st. Paul. MINI.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1907-07-10
ABYSSES OF OCEAN.
Estent of the Deep Waters and Their
Tremendous Pressure.

More than half the surface OF the
globe is hidden under water two miles
deep. Seven million square miles lie
ut II depth of $4,000 feet or more
Many places have been found five
miles and more in depth. The greatest
depth yet sounded is 81 200 feet. near
the island of Guam
II Mount Everest. the worlds high
est mountain. We're plucked from Its
seat and dropped into this spot the
Its crest
Into this terrific abyss the waters
press down with Il force more than IL.
0o0 pounds 10 the square inch The
stnnchcst ship ever built would be
erumhled under this awful pressure
like IN eggshell under II steam roller
\ pine beam fifteen feet long which
held open the mouth of II trawl used In
making II east at depth of more than
$4,000 feet was crushed flat as II II had
been passed between rollers.
The bod, of the man who should at
tempt TO venture To such depths would
be compressed until the flesh was
forced into the intcrsticcs Of the bone
and his trunk WIS no larger than a
rolling pin. Still the body would reach
the bottom. for anything that will sink
In II tub Of water VIII sink 10 the utter
most depths of the ocean. Exchange
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1907-07-10
BEWARE OF STRIPES.
Animals That Wear Them Are Said to
Be Treacherous


"Show me a striped wild animal, and
| will show YOU one YOU want TO keep
your eve on said the circus man. Il
have had to do with wild animals now
for good many years l Won't tell
you how many because | am getting
old enough 10 feel the weight of these
time posts and l have never yet come
up with a striped beast that did not
show mean traits.
Sometimes wonder If this is not
the way nature has of marking up the
bad fellows SO that they may be
known, Just as We put striped suits on
the impessibly bad of the human kind.
Take hyenas. for Instance. They come
under the head of II dog species. How
seldom you ever hear of Il dog shipping
the hand that feeds IT, These ugly
things are liable To do it any time
"Zebras are pudgy little horses with
stripes that give away their tempera
ment. Every how and then you hear
of zebrns broken to harness. Well,
have seen Il few of these, but they
didn't go far before something else
as Hiphth ltSltltS tut Ltbiu IiituH
nature. They are strong and good
looking, but SO internally eussed that
there Is no doing anything With them.
Sometimes II lions name Is marked
with uneven black circles When this
Is the case 1t Is wise not to get too
familiar. II is the sign of Il bad streak
somewhere In Leo's makeup, and there
Is no telling when this strain might
turn his strength into savage danger.
The elephant Is good natured and
obedent The camel takes life easily
and doesn't seem to worry about any
thing So long as he Is left to munich
by himself \ bear with fur of sew
eral standings Is IL bad one to take
risks with
The tapir is II harmless beast and
rather affcctionate. He can even cry
Big rolling teardrops show this when
his keeper cuts him out of n meal or
goes away for II day or two The
llama Is an animal sort that may be
properly classed with the spotted ami
mails Brown and white and black and
white In huge snashes lend To the
good looks of Its curling coat II has
big lamblike eyes and would run from
II baby Boston Globe
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1907-07-10

The pretty story of Smiths rescue
from imminent death by Pocahontas
when he was In the clutches of her
redoubtable father Powhatan, has
been rather blown upon by later his
tOrans II has been shown that
Smith In his earlier narrative only
mentions the princess incidentally ms n
child, and It was not until she came
afterward To England and Smith wrote
an account of her for the cdification of
the court that he described wildly
how she haZarded the beating out of
her own brains TO save his. by that
time the romantic Pocahontas had
been metamorphosed Into Mistress Re
becca Rolfe. wife of II Virginia settler
OF standing, and her portrait, with
plumei hat, ruff and fan, has been
duly handed down In this capacity
London Times.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1907-07-10
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
There are good many rabbits play

There are a good many rabbits play
Ing lion parts
If You let others do your Dragging
for You. 1t isn't SO apt To be overdone
When authority spells man, II IN
also APT 10 be hard on those over
Whom II extends.
Careful comparison makes any 9TH
or heritage look insignificant compared
with common SENSE
You often hear impollte children
criticised Ever realize that there are
Il good many impolite grown people?
Some houses are SO prim and orderly
they remind one of the systematic mr.
rangement of the tombstones In well
kept graveyard.
II You want To know how people
speak of you behind your backs, listen
To the reckless manner In which they
pitch into others.
We admire Il patience that doesn't
parade IT, The hen, for instance, when
sitting doesn't look rs If 1t felt that no
rooster could ever he such "A martyr
AtchiSon Globe
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1907-07-10
A LOST SWORD.
II Was Frederick the Greats and Was
Confiscated by NapoIeon.


While Prussia WAS at his feet after
he battle OF Jena Bonaparte visited
potSdam, and there he saw the sword
# Frederick the Great He took pos.
session of ii, SAYING. Il value this
sword more than all the treasures Of
Prussia II was deposited ut the In
valides on May Il, 1907, With military
pomp aud ceremony, TO the immense
qualification of the people of Paris.
But there came the black days of
ISL. and with the allies ON the point
of entering the French capital the GOV
crnor of the lnyalldes, Marshal Ser
rurier. received orders to take steps
for the preservation of the precious
trophies there collected. especially the
sword Of Frederick the Great. Inter
prcting this instruction In II peculiar
fashion. the governor took effective
measures for preventing them from
falling into the hands of the enemy by
making a bonfire of them, and II was
said that he threw Frederick's sword
into the flames.
This statement was confirmed as late
as 1851 by an eyewitness. Thus per-
ished, as WAS attested In 1890. when
an official inquiry was made into the
natter between 1000 and Loco war
flags and other memorials of victory.
The ashes and remains We're thrown
into the Seine at the mouth of Il sewer
The sword could not, of course. have
been destroyed In the couilagration,
hut II WAS never seen again Ii hap
pcned that In 1915 an engineer, having
asecrtained the precise spot where the
debris from the fire had been put into
the river made II search and recovered
from the bottom II considerable mum
Der of bronze and copper articles which
were returned to the Iuvalides But
the sword Of Frederick was not found
one would Hike to think thut 1t was
not the fate Of this historic weapon Ia
rust away In foul mud. but that II had
undergone the noble Transformation Of
being turned Into some implement of
peaceful industry or this, however,
there Is no evidence. London News
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1907-07-10
A WOMAN'S QUICK EYE.
II Was the Means OF Gaining a Fortune
at Monte Carlo.


Nearly every one who has been TO
Monte Carlo has heard of Mamma"
Niaud. little, bent old French NO
man, n widow. who played for years
"Mamma" Niaud played roulette each
day from morning until night. Her
bcady eyes, twitching nervously, saw
nothing but the ivory ball as II fell
into the cell As they watched her
staggering from the gaming tables
late at night people pitied her
Her whole soul her life. seemed ali
sorbed In the awful desire of winning
The old woman At times lost heavily
for her; then she regained her losses.
For II long time she was enabled To
live and continue her feyerish pursuit
of the game.
One night the old woman lost nearly
all her store, As she passed from the
table. despair In her eyes. her attention
was attracted by another wheel She
stopped and bent over the table
Again and again the wheel spun
around and stopped The old woman's
eyes sparbed. 4 flush suilused her
pallid cheeks
AS She left the room she clapped her
hands. and her laugh-a shrill mock
Ing ehnekle startled the gamesters ms
ominouS. uneanny.
Better watch the old woman" one
of the official lookouts told a detective.
He followed Mamma" Niaud To her
hotel He listened outside of her door.
There WAS no alarming sound In II
short while she extinguished her lights
and evidently had retired
The following evening she reappcar-
ed III the gaming hall Her eyes still
sparkled. her cheeks were still flushed.
With her were several notorious game
stcrS. They approached table. Mann
ma" Niaud began to play
She Won The gamblers who had
loaned her money. watched She play
cd Il second time and won and n third
time aud Won. The gamblers looked
on amazed and saw the old woman
raking In thousands of francs
During the evening the old woman
sat 10y the table. playing pcrslstently.
Her winnings doubled. trebled. quad
rupicd and piled UP about her
The management hccnme alarmed
\ consultation was held Special de
tectlves We're sent Ia watch her Scores
had gathered about the table. look ing
ON hrcathicssly Mt her wonderful run
of luck The detectives reported to
the management that mamma" Vinud
was playing Il certain combination of
numbers that invariably won
One of the directors hcsought the old
woman To desist playing. The bank
would he broke. he declared She
smiled aud continued Ia play.
The director offered her Smneo 10
cease playing He doubled the figure
II she would tell him the secret of her
success. He importuncd her 10 take
S2ooot0 S2aoooo only cease waglng
her successful battle for gold
Finally he offered her $30o.0oo. Ae
| cepting this, "Mamma" Niaud, gather
ing together her fortune, told him very
quietly that in passing the table the
night before her quick eye had detect
| ed that the ball of this particular
wheel stopped nj certain place Mt
| regular intervals The managers ex-
amiHed the wheel, found thnt IL was
out of order and congratulate them
selves upon having compromised with
the old woman Philadelphia North
American.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1907-07-10

| have often spooBed up my soup to
waltz time and carved n steak, while
Waiting nj the Church appropriately
synlbolizcd my veNation nj the delay
of the waiter In bringing the table
sauce. But perhaps the most thrilling
experience Is to eat II mutton chop to
the toreador song from Carmen" That
even rivals eating squash pie and
cheese to Liszts Second Hungarian
Rhapsody" There are two castro
harmonic combinations I have not yet
met with, however but which | live
In hopes of meeting, as climax to
my musical career one Is to eat
roast goose to the vorsplei OF "Parsi-
fal," the other 10 find honey and the
dance of Salome from the Strauss OPP
era In happy conjunction Somehow |
could take n grim sort of satisfaction
In the irony of these combinations.
But am still waiting Atlantic.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1907-07-10
he Bitter Bit.

An old Iowlandcr had been persist
emily asked by his son, who was doing
very well In London, To pay him n
visit. Having ut length decided TO
comply, he spent II fortnight In the
metropolis and duly returned north to
tell the tale. a Pompous person inyit-
ed him IL his house soon after the old
mans return, with II view to having
some amusement ut the latter's ex-
pcnsc. And what WIS 1t that most
impressed Non In the great city,
asked the poInpous gentleman. "Wcel.
sir, auoth the old fellow, the thing
abune a that impressed me maist was
my nin insigneelicance Deed. sir, /
wad strongly advise SO 70 gang 1t
wad dae ye a vast dead o guild. sir
Dundee Advertiser
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1907-07-10
Another Nuisance.

II was the first time he was being
married, and he was naturally II little
nervous and upset, but he managed to
say Yes" all right and to keep time to
Mcndelssohn, sailing down the aisle.
and to sign his name In the register
without making more than dozen
blots.
lie thought then that 1t was finished.
but when they got to the church door
they found II WIS raining.
"Confound IT. he cried, putting up
his umbrella. Another nuisance now"
And then. though he cannot guess
why, the people around all laughed.
and his mother-ln-law bridled and his
wife refused to speak.-London An
SwerS.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1907-07-10

Wife Annreciated IL

They have just blown themselves"
for Il new bed, an old fashioned, colo
NAL sort Of bed. that looks as though
it might have been In somebody's fam
lily for n hundred years or SO, and they
think great deal Of It, They have
discussed Its many merits time and
again, but 1t remained for the young
wife to discover one feature Of the
new bed that had never appealed to
the husband.
"There's one thing | like about the
bed" said she about the sideboard,
and the way It's put on.
whats that" asked he.
ITS so low | don't believe n man
could crawl under It," said she-In-
dianapolis News.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1907-07-10
The Careful Scot.

While enjoying pleasant smoke In
a railway carriage II Scotehman was
asked by his fellow passenger. Il
Welshman, If he could oblige him with
n match and after some considera ton
reluctantly complied with the modest
request. Placing the match upon the
window ledge. the Welshman produced
an empty pipe. and, gripping it be
tween his teeth gazed mournfully at
his companion. This having no effect
he made an ostcntatious and frutless
tour of his pockets. Dear. dear. how
unlucky am he exclaimed at length.
81 We left my tobacco at home" Vera
unfortunate. agreed the Seotehman,
and, stretching out Il hand for the
mitch he added with evident relief,
"An' now yell no require this 'vestie. I"
-GlaSgow Times.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1907-07-10
CONVERSATION DON'TS.

Don't say You was, but You
we're
Don't say lie don't" but lie
doesn't"
Don't say Not as know" but Not
that know"
Don't say He is older than me-" but
"lIe Is older than / -
Don't say Between you and L." but
Between you and me"
Don't say she is some better" but
"She Is somewhat better"
Don't say This is the finest of any"
but This is finer than any"
Don't say Where are you stop
ping" but Where are you stayingf"
Don't say II dislike her worse than
ever" hut Il dislike her more than
ever"
Don't say Il was raised In New Eng
land" but Il was reared In New Eng
land -
Don't say Il rarely ever 20 any
where" but Il rarely If ever go any
where
Don't say Either of the three will
do" but "Any of the three will do
st Louis Republic.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1907-07-10
SECRETS OF SAVAGES.
Some Things That Balk tn ingenuity
of Civilized Man.

OF Civilized Man.
The head WIS no bigger than an or
anee. the black. bearded head. perfect
The Dyaks alone" said the ethno1os
gIst, have the secret of taking an
adult human hcud and reducing II. like
this. To less than half It's size Their
houses are ornamented profusely With
these reduced heads of enemies slain
IN battle No one knows how the re
duetion is accomplished Ii Is II mar
yelous secret TINT the Dyaks refuse to
give up,
"Savaees. degraded ms they are be
side us, possess II number of marvel
Gus and unfuthomablc secrets. One Is
the making of fire by the rubbing of
dry twigs. Only II savage can do that
another Is the construction of fish
skin suits The natives of the siberian
coast mike suits OF hshskin that are
softer, finer and far more waterproof
than any fabric known 10 us. What
could be So waterproof as hshskin?
"a third Is the secret of arrested
life There are abofieines III India
who can die temporarily. can he buried
II week or more and on being dug up
come Ia life again.
"The best blankets. the best baskets,
the best canoes and the best dyes ARE
all made by savages" New Orleans
Times Democrat
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1907-07-10
STEPHEN GlRARD.
The Eccentric Millionaire Was a Maa
of Many Moods.

To get Il subscription from stephen
1iirard. founder of tirard college in
Philadelphia, was not an easy matter
1t required tact and the right introdue
ton, and many failed, while few sue
ceedcd. 1t is told by the author of The
French Blood In America" that Samuel
Coates. Il genial Quaker. WAS one Of
the few men who knew how to ap-
2roaeh the eccentric millionaire.
He WAS n manager of the Pennsyl-
vania hospital and called on Girard for
the purpose of raising money for the
support of that institution.
We'll, how much do you want,
Coatesf" asked Girard In his usual
brusQue tones
Just what thee plcases to give. Ste
phen. replied the Quaker Girard
wrote out check for $1,000 and, hand
ing ii 10 Mr.. Coates was surprised TO
see that gentleman pocket II without
looking Mt the amount
What, You don't look to see how
much | give yout' cried Girard incred-
ulouSy
phen, replied the Quaker
GIVE me back my check. and will
change It," said Girard after a mo.
ment's pause
~ bird IN the hand i worth two in
the bush. thee knows. Stephen" mildly
replied the Quaker. Without another
Word Girard sat down and wrote him
out II second check for $5.OoO
His farm on the outskirts of Phila
delphla was one of the best In the
often drove out before breakfast to see
that all was going we'll He WAS very
eXacting with his hired hands and never
trusted the management of his farm 10
any one else, but ran ii himself. as he
did all his affairs. Arriving one morn.
ing little earlier than usual. he was
greatly annoyed ut not finding his man
ut work on n fence that he was build
Ing The mans wife. noticing Girard
approaching the house hurriedly awoke
her husband and sent him to his duties
by way of the back door After visit
ing the house Girard returned to the
fence and, seeing the man at his post.
reprimanded him for being late.
I'D been here, sir, but went back for
II spade" said the workman.
No, you hadn't. l went and put my
hand In your bed and found it warm =
replied Glrard. and he discharged the
man on the spot
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1907-07-10
Cosmopolitan Dinners.

You can pay Your money In New
York and get any sort Of dinner you
ity" declared the man about town.
you can get an Italian dinner with
spaghetti. II French dinner with frogs
legs. an Irish dinner with some sort OF
stew. Hungarian dinner with gou-
lash. II Russian dinner with Viure, n
Spanish dinner with friioles ana n
southern dinner with corn pone."- New
York Press
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1907-07-10
Where They Were Not Bad.

A visitor who WIS going through the
penitentiary one day turned to the
warden aud said
II suppose you have Il good many
bad people hereY'
Bad Bad people here" calculated
the gray haired warden with M air
of comic surprise. what put that Into
your head There are no bad people
here. Why, If they wanted To be bad.
we wouldn't let EN-"
The warden smiled grimly, aud the
visitor awakened to the fact that the
pen" WAS not the place where people
could afford 10 be bud. even II they
wished Brooklyn Eagle
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1907-07-10
FIERY CHARLES READE.
The Author Managers Way With Ell
len Terry, the Actress.


'he Author Managers Way With Ell
len Terry the Actress
Ellen Terry at the age Of twenty re-
Solved To leave the stage and went
and stayed SIX years In the country.
How she came back to it is told in
Ellen Terry, by Christopher st. John.
Charles keade when hunting In Hert-
fordehire met her by chance In n coun-
try lame aud told her In his rough yet
kindly way that she was fool to
have left the stage
why don't you go back
Il don't want to-"
You will some day
Never Then, mindful of certain
financial troubles threatening her ru-
raj peace. Ellen Terry added, AT least
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1907-07-10
HE OVERDlD IT.
A Last Wager That Might Perhaps
Have Been Won


Have Been Won.
When II got ms far as the cigars mt
an Informal supper the other night. ut
which the manager of one of the most
talked of New York hotels was the
host, the talk turned on the perfection
of modern hotel management. The
manager boasied of the fact that in
his house at least the clerks were para
CONS of memory and cleyerncss.
yet will bet the cigars" said one
of the guests, that exactly Mt mid
night when the clerks change |. having
no room here, can walk Ia the desk,
ask for the key of n certain room, Civ
ing the number. and get It,"
Done" said the manager
Exactly nj T. the man making the
bet entered the lobby ms II he had Just
come from the street This dialogue
followed ut the desk
"My key, please No. 10"
yes, sir; whit nameP
"Mr. Johnson"
"Yes Mr., Johnson"
The clerk turned back 10 the desk
hS IL lb lfNtH me key from tHt THth.
For moment he was out of sight Of
"Air johnson"
Then To MIR. .Iohnson's" dismay he
was quietly seized by two men, who
seemed 10 come up from the floor on
either side of him aud who asked him
very politely, but with hrmness, to
leave the hotel ut once.
II WAS then that the manager ap-
pcarcd from behind n pillar and ex-
planned.
A few moments later. when they
were smoking the cigars. the chagrIned
loser said.
"Wcll, tlats II wonderful thing
How the deuce do they remember
everybody they seei"
Easy enough" said the manager.
and then in this particular case there
isn't n room IN the house numbered
below 100"
The loser bought more cigars with
out being asked. New York Times
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1907-07-10
Nothina Unusual.

Lord Cromer when ruler Of Egypt
made himself hateful 10 all sorts of
rascals IN that country. but he worked
wonders Of reform there and left ii IN
more conteutcd frame Of mind than II
had ever known previous 10 his ar
Rival While Lord Salisbury was Brit
ISL premier member of the ministry
complained lat Lord Gromer had told
him 10 20 to the devll Dear me"
said Salisbury, he tells me that every
time he comes 10 London Cleveland
Leader
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1907-07-10

correspondent of the Colwyn BAY
Herald describes n fierce fight between
II fox and Il number of swans. The
fox, nftcr hiding for awhile among
some reeds, boldly swan toward II
number of swans The latter We're on
the nlcrt, however, aud when within n
yard the biggest bird attacked him
with wing and bcai entirely subincrg
Ing him for two or three seconds
Nothing dauntod, the fox made final
attack, but lgnomnious defeat awaited
him. ns NIL the swans arrayed them
selves In single file and made II dcsper
ate attack on their assailant. which
eventually landed at the south side of
the lake his blood covering the felt of
heather ut the far end The swans mp
peared to have sustained no injury
whatever