Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-12-12
In AN UPPER
BERTH
SIMON PuRE's TRIP TO NEW
YORK

AeNS VI ING SdSS Vi SpElnSWGllS SO III
tractive.
why. Simon, what is the trouble?"
Il seen it," he replied lowering his
voice and looking around as II afraid
of seeing It again.
Seen what?"
New York"
you don't mean to say"
Yep" he interrupted, nodding his
head vigorously. II seen 1t from tn
top { tn bottom. an inside out--Good
Lord"
Tell us about IT,"
"Wa-al, It's Just this-away. An oil
ANGLE o mine passed In his ch-chicks
an left me huh thousand do..ars. I'd
hearn an read so much o. Gotham, l
says t Mandy. Mandy. go { town an
buy tn best suit y kin get fer $40.
and pay as much as two dollars an
half fer hat. an Wen go t New
York
Simon ses she { me. Simon,
you're fool I asst her why an she
sed we he'd about as much use fer
New York as a dog hes fer side peck.
ct. Thet made me mad an tole her
t go t thunder an I'd go--an' did"
What did she say to you when you
got back?"
she sed ! wuz burned sight big
ger fool than wuz before l left--but
then y know she was mad because I
iidn't take her. Wa-al, putting nine
hundred In tn bank. TUX hundred
an few dollars Mandy had layin'
round loose. tellin' her t draw ten, IL
she needed 1t whilst wuz gone, and
took tn train, AS I wuz a-goin'
thought I'd 30 right. so l takes pull.
lem sleeper. Thet Is, they calls II
sleeper, but what for I'm burned II I
know.
When I showed my ticket Z the
man at tn gate he sized up tn new
suit case an kind O. grinned, but he
didn't say nuthin', SO l went ahead
a-lookin' fer car six. couldn't find no
car six. l walked UP an down, an
all l could see wuz some hlghfalutin'
names, jawbreakers worsn the Skis
thet he's tn ducks out my way. Finally
walks up t. swell coon with gold
braid on his cap an ses, Please, mis-
ter, kin y tell me where in thunder
car six is?'
Right in hyar, sir, right in hyar,'
ses he, smilin' and perlite. 1t made
me swell all up with pleasure, an I
went into dark hole OF hallway
h.tA xul.n
he'd got me into the wrong pew. There
wuz some men behind me, an one fell
Ter sings out, We'll, go in or come out,
| don't give d--m which, Thet didn't
sound so all fired perlite, but what
could understand It. SO made q bee
line through drape tibet hung up, an
found myself in nice box with leath-
er-covered seats.
Finally lot O. swells came In an
set down. They looks at me as II
he'd no right there, an 1t made me
feel gol-durn mad. Then along comes
tn conductor an takes my ticket an
tn sleepin' car tab. givin' me little
pink slip.
Here. consarn IT, yelled. 'gim-
me my ticket. I hain't got t. New
York TIL conductor told me t keep
my shirt on, and tn crowd of swells
hollered an laughed. lowed | hedn't
begun t go { bed yet, and tole tn
brass-bound gent not t. git sassy. He
seed ! meant business and kind o.
cooled down bit, tellin me I'd git my
ticket in tn mornin'.
Upper II, sar!' ses tn darkey.
you berth is all ready. sar.'
''Wa-all. sir. tibet coon takes me
back through tn center aisles between
lot o. drapes that was a fioppln'
round my shins { where there wuz q
stepladder. He pinted Z It an I
mounted, an there was, sure 'nough, q
bed made up on shelf. I looked It
over an It looked good { me, but
climbs down an huntin' up tn coon.
who then he'd on white coat, asst
him where could hang my clothes.
He sed he'd show me. l could see he
wuz tryin' powerful hard not e laugh.
He pointed to hammock made outen
fish netting swingin' over tn bed.
told him tibet wouldn't do as my new
suit would git all creased up tn wrong
way.
Seem nuthin' else L do, I climbs
UP. an sittin' on tn side % tibet two
story bed. takes of my boots an
drops 'em on tn floor. They certainly
did make noise. an galoot sticks
his head outen tn drapes up-a-ways
an wants t know what t'hell. grins
at him an tells him t keep his night.
shirt on. He wuz tibet mad tibet he
shook his fist at me. Seem no pegs,
I rolls M coat up an puts 1t in tn
fiShnet, an crawls In between tn
sheets with the rest OF my clothes on.
BY tibet time I wuz real dozy. Jest
as wuz fallin' { sleep there comes
a bump an I thought wuz bein'
driven through tn front en- OF tn car.
I sticks my head out an asst tn coon
what the matter wuz. He ses we wuz
only stoppin' at station. I sed II tibet
wuz tn way It wuz done / 'sposed 1t
wuz all right. an tried Z sleep. but tn
wind come whistlin' through some
where-I tell you them pullems orter
be caulked. took my bumps till
mornin', an then made up my mind
tn day coach wuz good enough fer
me. I would at least know where I
was ut.
GOSH" he exclaimed, looking at
his watch, I'll be late fer dinner, an
Mandy tole me t. bring her some COT
fee. Yer don't know Mandy or you'd
know what tibet means. I'll see yer
agin in few days an tell yer bout
til rest of tn trip"
In Kansas.
SIJow ala Won make ont IN vour