New-York tribune., 1907-06-02


Please, sir. Johnnie was KEEP at home to-day.
as have had twins. It shan't oker occur again.
Yours truely Mrs. Smith"
Parental notes such as this delicious model
OF ambiguity naturally provocative Of much
rairth among the teachers in our elementary
schools and often worthy of a wider circle of read
Maybe, then, the following selection. for the
authenticity of which the present writer, an ele-
r1entary schoomaster, vouches. may prove of
interest.
Here is & real domestic epic. graphically pre-
senttng picture Of parental affection and solicit
tude driven to despair:
"Dere Sir, will you please for the future give my
boy some easier sums to do at night? This is what
ne brought home TO or three nights back. If fore
gans OF bere will I'll thirty-to pint bottles. how
many pint-and-half bottles will nine gallins ll2
Well. tried and could not make anything OF It
at ALL and my boy cried and said he didn't dare
go back IN the morning without doin' it. I
had TO go and buy nine gallin cask OF bere
which Il could hardly afford 10 do. and then we
went and borrowed a lot Of wine bottles. besides
the few we had by Well, emitted the cask
into the bottles and then counted them and there
nineteen. and my boy put the number down
for answer. I don't know whether it is right
or not, as we split while doin It. P. s.
rlease let the next sum be in water as am not
lie 20 buy any more bere."
The following detailed ard original reason for
-er daughters absence sent TO mistress a
=hcrt time ego:
Dear madam, the reason why Emily can't come
10 scule is because the gass exploded and she had
the face blown off her and she II rapt IN cot
ton wool and the school board man noes all about
# for he seed IT hsself."
THE School Board man''-to wit. the school at
tendance oficer-is naturally anything but favor
te with the parents who keep their offspring from
school as often as possible, the next note Illus
trates:
''Dere miss, please Harry from a
comm TO school this afternoon as e was nocked
down by bycle this mornin' and don't want
none of those nosey old school bored men after
ne"
The writer has received scores Of notes contain
ing the excuse, Been fetching errands"-the last
word spelt IN a multiplicity of weird and wondrous
WAYS. A novel and appropriate variation OF this
well theme received by a teacher IN
Yarmouth school
Please excuse Mary been late has she as been
out a herring"
An assistant master In shoreditch one morning
noticed that pupil had had his hair notched in
disgra ceful manner, and quietly asked the lad who
had cut II. Tommy, evidently incensed at the peda
gogc anxiety about his tonsoral appearance, in the
dinner hour informed his mother, who Immediately
penned the following epistle-a good example. sure
ly, Of the retort courteous:
From Misss b. Sir you seam so anshus to
my boy 'ad is air cut wish TO tell you
that put i'm in the cole seller all larst mite
the Good nibbel Il OFF an I Good save tup-
pence"
Evident sticklers for the due observance of the
prophecies the parents Of the lad who brought
the next note to school after a weeks absence:
"Dere sur, mister, will you exkus Charlie not
been at school as he ad trouses an is father
woodn't Jet i'm come without your terueley. Mrs.
F."
One morning a little Jewish maiden. who had
1ahed 10 put In an attendance the previous after
noon. brought this note" written on the back of
the butchers bill-perhaps as documentary proof
OF the genuineness Of the excuse:
Kindly excuse Rachel Dubosh as she had to go
and fetch her mothers liver" &.
most amusing blunder was made by father.