Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1907-07-10
STREAK OF HUMOR
Dyspepsia Preferred

Dyspepsia Preferred
Your husband says that when he
Is angry he always counts ten before
he speaks. said one woman.
Yes. answered the other. II
wish he'd stop it. Since he got dys-
pepsia home seems nothing but a
CLASS IN arithmetic. "-Washington
Star
The Deceptive Ship
Do you know. the construction of
a ship is rather hypocriticaL"
What on earth do you mean ~
When she fronts one, she $ AL
bow, isn't she?"
Yes"
And back of this you ind her
stern. Baltimore American.
He Couldn't
Stage Manager-Why didn't Won %
out when you got your cue, Come
, forth"
, Super-Oi was waitin' for the other
three to go on first; sure, an how
could come FORTH, if whit first?"
Then There Was Silence
George she said, when we were
married You were always giving ne
presents. Why don't you ever bring
me any now?'
My dear. replied George, i'd
You ever hear of a fisherman giving
bait to fish he had caught?" Then
the kettle boiled over-Tit Bits.
The Best Test
An English squire was examining
an Irishnan on his talents for the
position of gamekeeper. At last ne
asked how Pat would tell an old bird
from another of later birth.
By the teeth. sor"
But partr- dges have no teeth
Begorra, have. Judges Ii.
brary.
The Generations End
The Doctor-Admitting that a gen.
Grafton is thirty-three and one-third
years, or any length of time you
please, when does one generation
leave off and the next one begin?
The Professor-It ends, so far as
you are concerned, and another one
begins roughly speaking, the first
time you overhear your boy talking
about you as the old man. Chi.
cago Tribune.
An Rhetorical Authority
Poet Lover-You know. where
Shakespeare says a soft, low voice is
an excellent thing.
Literary Sherlock Holmes-Ha.
said he so? Then there is poetic
authority for eak-easies.-Balti-
more American
Broke Itself
Freddy, you shouldn't laugh out
loud in the schoolroom,9 exclaimed
the teacher
1 didn't mean to do it," apologized
Freddy. Il was smil ng when all of
sudden the smile busted. Elk.
change.
Sensible Critici an
Superintendent Ito head of firm)-
A former hotel keeper has applied 10
us for position as travelling sales
man for our win IS. He says that he
has bought wine of us for years.
Head should prefer a clever
man-Meggendo rfer Blaetter.
court of Caught.
Sold your automobile, eh?" ex-
claimed Wyss. What was the
trouble?"
Couldn't control it" explained
Acher. when | ran fast t took me
to the police court and when ran
slowly it didn't take me anywhere
Harner's Weakly
Danger of Comes
These COMETS, said the bandaged
man, ARE burned dangerous things
an ought to be suppressed
Il hadn't heard of their hurting any
body, said the argumentative per-
SON
There's heap o. things you amt
heard about" growled the bandaged
man. Il was a-standin in tn street
last night a-watchin' for comet
when an automobile came along and
knocked me forty feet"
Too True
Naggsby-Isn't it marvellous? A
woman starves to death right N the
presence of a large crowd of New
Waggesby-Wel, New York peo-
pie aren't good to eat.
True To Life
Mrs. Griggs-So you managed to
get to the bargain counter for me- DID
you see anything real cheap there7
Griggs-Yes; caught glimpse or
myself in the mirror-Boston Tran.
script.
He Couldn't
See here. That horse you sold me
runs away, kicks, bites. strikes and
tries to tear down the stable at night.
You told me that if got him once I
wouldn't part with him for $1,000"
Wei you won't.-Philadelphi In
qulrer
rn 1E