Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1907-07-11
A WONDERFUL
BED
BY JAMES r. PARsoN,

| derful invention of the twentieth CEN
tury. The children cry for it, ladies
| sigh for it. McGilder's patent bed,
| which can be used as a bed, chair
or sofa-all for the small price of
three dollars! Now then, ladies and
gentlemen, Step right up and take
your pick. | will do the bed up for
you in compact parcel, which may
| be carried by a child without the
slightest fatigue or annoyance. Who'll
have bed for only three dollars?
Why, anybody can start boarding
house with three of McGilder's patent
beds, for, recollect, they combine the
| usefulness of three separate articles
OF furniture-a bed, a chair, and a
SOFA
The above was part Of a harrangue
addressed by dapper, red-necktied
young fellow, who stood upon gaudi
ly painted cart, to a mob of about
500 idiots, of whom l was chief, for
will it be believed ?-I, like a derned
fool, actually bought a bed
That morning my wife had told me
that her Aunt Hespah was coming to
visit us, and that, owing to the micro
scopic dimensions of our fiat, she
didn't know where Aunt Hespah could
sleep.
So l bought the bed amid the
plaudits of the crowd, and the strong
laborer that I should lie down and
sleep on it then and there, in order
to show the spectators how the old
snap worked.
The dealer proceeded to do it up.
He made a very small parcel con-
sidering it was a bed
PUT it in yer pocket" advised a
dirtyfaced laborer, with shovel, and
| and my bed walked off amid a gen.
eral smile, audibly expressed.
Where yer goin,?" asked the con-
ductor. Come now, young teller, get
off with that ere pianobox. Dyer
think this is a baggage train? Yer
can't ride in this car"
In vain pleaded.
He wouldn't have it.
Disguised, l waited for the next,
and endeavored to make the bed look
as small as possible.
The car stopped, so 1 got in.
Of course it started before l was
seated, so over l fell, knocked off a
woman's bonnet, doubling up fat
man, and almost annihilating a small
boy with my bed.
AS for the bed. there was sound of
rumbling in it's complicated machin-
cry, and with snap it flew open, dis
closing a chair.
How in the world was I going to
get it into bed again?
Some of the passengers laughed,
while the fat man grew sarcastic.
HIM" growled he; wonder what
people will carry in cars next! 1 sup
pose 1 can expect to get into one
some day and find a piano or a now
ing machine. Some people haven't
any sense"
At last, though, 1 reached my house
and got in. only breaking the gate
with my bed as did SO.
My wife opened the door.
Where in the name of goodness did
you buy that horse block, and what
are you going to do with it?" she
asked.
l Indignantly replied that 1t was
not horse block.
1t was chair.
Also it could be made into a bed,
or a sofa, at will.
After patient study and research /
found the directions for working the
bed concealed in a most undiscovera-
BILE spot, and turned the chair into
bed Then / turned the bed into q
sofa, and the sofa back again into
chair.
My wife was delighted.
| began to believe / had made
domestic hit, and expatiated upon my
great head in discovering and purchas-
ing such a marvel of mechanism and
general utility.
Aunt Hespah had arrived, and she
joined us in examining the bed.
Lord mercy what next, l won
der?" she said. Turn it into a bed,
Edward"
Edward did
Aunt Hespah must lie down and
try it.
Just here came the catastrophe
How it occurred l don't know, but the
fieudish bed got independent and
started to work itself into a chair
without orders.
But Aunt Hespah was in the way.
The result was she was caught like
a mouse, McGilder's beautiful inven-
ton clasping her as affectionately as
young fellow would his sweetheart.
Aunt Hespah gave yell loud
enough to stop clock, and began
Keeling about the room, with McGId-
er's patent charging on her.
Take it off Take it OIL" bawled
she; its a-squeezin' me to death.
Lord a mercy, I'll die if somebody
don't take away this drafted ma
chinei"
1 sprang to her rescue.
But could not get the bed on IN
| aided.
The result was we had to lay Aunt
Hespah upon the floor, and cut the
| bed on with an ak. And by the time
! it was accomplished she was about