Waterbury evening Democrat., 1907-07-22
CHAPTER xxx. A Letter From the Dead.


 Gracies. had come with their three children to live with him and to look after his boy and girl. Trouble be- tween his family and mine. originat- ing in some impertinences of the old est Oracle girl, spread from the chil- dren to the grown people, until, when he went into the White House, he and were the only two on speaking terms. see now that this situation had large influence on me in holding aloof and waiting always for over lures from him. At the time thought, as no doubt he thought also, that the quarrel was beneath the notice of men.
 At any rate my family decided not tc come to Washington during his first winter in the White House. I lived alone at the Willar& One afternoon toward the end of February I re- turned there from tho senate and found Woodruff, bad news in his face. "What is it?" I asked indifferently, for I assumed it was some political tangle.
 Your wife-was taken-very ill., very suddenly he said. His eyes told me the rest.
 If had ever asked myself how this news would affect me, I should have answered that 1t would give me a sen- sation of relief. But, instead of re- lief. I felt the stunning blow of a wave of sorrow which has never wholly re- ceded. Not because loved her-that I never did. Not because she was the mother of my children-my likes and dislikes are direct and personal. Not because she was my wife-that bond had been galling. Not because I was fond of her-she was one of those cold, angry natures that forbid af. lection. No; l was overwhelmed be- cause she and had been intimates, with all the closest interests of life in common, with the whole world, even my children. whom loved pas> sionately, outside that circle which fate had drawn around us two. im- agine this is not uncommon among married people-this unbeatable break in their routine of association when one departs. No doubt it often passes with the minimizing for love belatedly discovered.
 She did not suffer-" said Woodruff gently. Tt was heart disease. She had just come in from ride with your oldest Naughter. They were rest ing and talking in high spirits by the library fire. And then-the end came-like putting out the light" Heart disease! Often l had noted the irregular beat of her heart-a throb. a long pause, a fiutter, short pause, throb. And could remem- Der that more than once the sound had been followed by the shadowy ap- pearance. in the door of my mind, of one of those black thoughts which try to tempt hope but only make it hide in shame and dread. Now, the mem- ory of those occasions tormented me into accusing myself of having wished her gone. But it was not so.
 She had told me she had heart trou- ble; but she had confided to no one that she knew 1t might bring on the snd at any moment. She left let etr, sealed and addressed to me: Harvey: shall never have the cour- age to tell you, yet feel you ought to es..I. RNrst- e, every one else less shrewdness than he possesses. know you have not given me the credit of seeing that you did not love me. And you were so kind and considerate and so patient with my moods that no doubt I should have been Received had I not known what love is. q think, to have loved and to have been loved develops in a woman sort of sixth sense-sensitiveness to love. And that had been developed in me. and when 1t never responded to your efforts to de- ceive me. knew you did not love me.
 We'll. neither did love you. though was able 10 hide it from you. And 1t has often frritated me that you were so un- observant You know now the cause Of many sf my difficult moods, which have seemed csuseless.
 I admired you from the first time we met liked you, 1 have been proud Of yoa. 1 would no; have been the wife of any oshei man in the world. I would not have had any other father for my children. But have kspI on lO1ing tho man loved before I met you
 Why. l don't know. 1 eesp!sed him eor his weaknesses I should never have faarrse5 min. though mother and Es' bota feared l would thiuk loved him because I knew he loved mo. That i3 the way fl Is with women-thss seldom love Independently. Men He to love. women ike te be loved. And. poo-. ur- worthy creature that he was. btin he wo.iid fave died Tor mo. though God had .ierie,t him the strength tO live for me. Fat all that God gave him-Ihe power 10 lovc-ns gave uc. And 60 he Tas diHer- ent tn my eyes from what re was in sry crlc's else i7 the world. And 1 l3-ei him.
 don't tell you this because feel re- zr~t ur TemOrse don: there never s-as 6 wife truer than I. for | put him ---s .,iesely aside tell yO5. because az=t yuu tu remember me right after -m gone. Harvey dear Yoa may re- .--utt,ef how was silly and tea.o'is 7f ~tu. and think am mistaken abolt my srn feeIs7Es. But jealOa-y dossn mean love. When geople really love. ;hin'C' st-s seldom that they're jealous What makes g.sspls jealous g-suaily Is suspect Iu< the ether person or having the sane snrt of secrst they have themselves IL hart rn- vanity that yog didn't love me; a-,f if ssung me to think you cared Tor some enc elss. jusl as did
 want you to remember ne gently a-,a soT7sh1ur. I thinss that. after you s9 read this. you vfiL even if yoa did love po-ns ere else if you ever see this At ail. Harxey--snd may tear ft up some dar 7u frapuiss-tut fl you ever do see it- | shaIi bs dead. and vs shall both be s-=e And I want ycu to come to ne ana iouk at ne and
 1T ended thus abruptly. NO doubt