New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1907-03-12
GOOD OHENs IN THE SKY.

Banishine pessimism is a noble sport, which
becomes positively exhilaratng when con-
Quoted in a strictly scientific manner I'M
pressed by this fact we therefore WISH W
criticise the latest findings of Professor Ward'
the eminent sociologist of Brown University
That scientist having studied human soclety 10
the tagging point, yearned in AleXandrlan moon
for more worlds to conquer, and has turned MS
attention 10 social conditions on Mars. In the
current number of THE Brown Alumni
Monthly" he gives terrestrials preliminary
report on this subject. The tragic picture ne
draws is so depressing that we feel moved 10
point out its scientific inaccuracies.
The professor could not conduct a Summing
expedition on our neghbor planet, for the
Martians hold themselves aloOf after the fashion
of all good CelestialS Whether this exclusive
ness is due TO shyness or to sense OF superb
ority nobody knew until Professor Ward solved
the problem by proving the second alternative
correct The Martians are about 24,OOO'OOO
years ahead of us worldlings in industry and
culture They have attained an intellectual
plateau from whose dizzy heights the most
deeply convoluted brain of the Back Bay dis
trlct looks and thinks like an imbecue mlcroDe'
This has been proved. not by the Marian
census reports and Board of Education proceed
ings but by the astronomicaily assumed 1act
that Mars left the sun g hundred-odd million
years before the eartn saw III 10 10 80. CHuOA
the further assumption that Mars sneaked away
from its old solar home with about as much
oxygen and other necessaries Of life as the earth
took with her ii stands 10 reason" that many
million wears before anything developed back
bone Ton earthl the Martians were reforming
their police force and trying To keep the ChleI
engineer of the Marian Canal Construction De
partment from resigning. One may infer from
this that socialism and wOmans suffrage were
settled on Mars many generations ago so that
the Martians now worry over ills we know not
Of A large volume on current sociology or the
Arean orb is thus happily made impossible.
From the few known facts, however our cos
mic sociologist draws two conclusions, whose
gloom we wish to dispel. BY the aid OF
astronomical and geological tables Professor
Ward shows that Marian society has only one
million more years to flourish. The supply OF
air and water is rapidly being exhausted, 30
that this race Of vast antiquity and supreme
wisdom we see clinging desperately 10 the
"orb that bore 1t; half gasping for breath and
'hoarding every drop of It's precious water, but
doomed to face the lingering death OF dying
world"
This Is a tragedy, compared with which Lao
Yang was a schoolbOy scufie. But 1t IS prob
ably an imaginary one only, for our theorist has
left a most important factor out Of considera-
ton He has assumed that Marian brains have
developed-whlch is fair enough-but he won't
see that Marian lungs and stomachs have been
correspondingly perfected. We insist that the
great Darwlnian law of adaptation be applied
without prejudice to all organs Of the body.
This is not only the proper scientific procedure;
It also gives us n roseate view Of Marian life
and our own descendants future. We know
that the humble stomach can aspire to a higher
life and reach Its ideal. We see in our own day
eating cults whose members thrive on one third
the amount Of food used by organisms OF the
Gluttonozoic Age. We see autOsuggestiOn at
work whereby men only one-tenth much
ounine and one half as much whiskey to break
ND a cold az their ancestors did. Now assum-
ing a society with newspaper files going back
24OOOOOO years and men we'll informed about
the drift of events throughout this period, II is
clear that thoughtful AIartians have been sys-
tematically training lungs and stomachs in the
ways Of the simple life so long that they would
now make a perfect Fletcherite look Ike a
monster Of swinishness.
Thus the tragedy fades away and with it
the gloomy thought that our Children's children
of twenty-Odd million years hence may be cut
ting one anOther's threats in their struggle TO
use a rainstorm There is only one depressing
thing I'm Professor Wards discoveries that we
cannot refute; that is the fact that the MArtans
must regard us as brothers to the oyster and
the clam. 1t is distinctly unpleasant TO know
that somebody Is smiling at our highest thoughts
and ideals. even If the smiler is on another
planet We may forget chagrin for a while
though if the new Arean sociologst will distract
us with further information about Marian poll
ties and the like.