davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The independent., 1907-02-28
PAUL REvERE's HURRY UP RIDE.

Suppose a body of British Soldiery
should swoop down upon these Shores
and prepare to invade the most exclu-
sive Suburbs Of New England.
The Company probably would include
Arthur Plantagenet Beachey, B. & S.,
younger soli of the Duke of Swozzing-
ham; Major Bromo Kelley. from one of
the oldest Families in the County Skid
doc, Ireland; Brevet-COl. Percy Spit
fington, Equerry waiting to the
Whole Thing; to say nothing of Lef-
tenant Harry Spudd, of the Soho Fusi-
leers, with chest like strike breaker
and Coat reaching to his Hips.
Would their coming agitate the
rugged Patriots of the New World as
it did on a former Occasion?
1t will be recalled that the Mother
Country sent over the Cream of the
Aristoeracy, but she did not figure on
it turning out to be Whipped Cream.
Paul Revere saddled his nag and
went lliting down the Pike to warn the
countryside that the First Families
were approaching.
Whercupon the Minute Men and
other humble Citizens, who little sus-
pected that they We're Ancestors, took
down Tho Muzzle Leaders and began
shooting at everything that looked Red.
What would the present day Mr. Re-
we're do if he learned that several top
liners from England had disembarked
and Were getting ready to move upon
the outlying Golf Links?
Eie would pour eight gallons of Case
line into the Tank and light the big
Bulls Eye and proceed to burn up the
Boulevard
Soon lights would be twinkling in the
Country Home of every Patriot rated
at more than Million.
Men with pale, set Faces and Wo-
men, trembling and fysterieaI. would
discuss with bated breath their plans
for going out to meet the British.
In the Wine Cellar all would be
hurry and confusion.
Family Pedigrees would be brought
out and hastily rubbed up.
Many faithful Housewife would sit
by the Frireside until late at night
working on a Menu while the Daugh-
ter having retired. to her own Apart
ment would spend sleepless hours try
ing to fix up her Accent
Little groups of Stock Brokers would
assemble in the Moonlight and whisper
over their deep laid schemes for cap
turing the Foreigners before somebody
else got hold Of them.
The original Minute Men were mod
erateIy eager to meet the distinguished
Visitors from England, but their meth
DDS were slow and antiquated as COM
pared with those pgacticed by the wise
American of this Generation, who de-
mands not only Life, Liberty and the
Pursuit of Happiness, but lot of other
things on the side.
Armed with Letters of Introduction,
Check Books and Kodals, the native
born Sons of the Wilderness would
wait behind Rocks and Trees for
chance to pounce out upon the naughty
Britons, smother them with Invitations
and sic a lot Of Heiresses onto them.
Any who escaped would be as lucky
as those who succeeded in getting
away from Lexington
The independent., 1907-02-28
JACK sPRATT AND WIFE.

Jack Spratt could eat no Fat and his
Wife could eat no Lean, because Steak
was 2S cents a Pound
So most of the time they purchased
n highly ADVERTISED kind Of Chop Feed
that came in Pasteboard Box with a
beautiful Wrapper around it.
which reminded him of something to
eat, Mr. Spratt felt as refreshed as if
he had taken Long Breath.
One day while Mr.. Spratt was in the
country on his annual vacation, he
went for walk and came to Feed
Lot where bearded Stockman was
shoveling out 40-cent corn to some
broad and buxom Steers.
Being a City Man he was attracted
by the sight of high grade Beef, so he
stopped to converse with the Feeder.
He learned that the steers weighed
about 1900 pounds each and he al
lowed that they We're very valuable
Animals, with meat worth 2S cents a
pound.
"You nave been smoking" said the
Sstockman, taking Market Report
from the Pocket in his Wammus
'"'Those that are prime now fetch about
cents pound at the Yards. Most
of them seem to be worth about 5. You
see. the price fiuctuates. 1t goes up
and down, but principally down."
TT is strange that one in the Cattle
Business should be so ignorant" said
Mr. Spratt "Who ever heard of the
price of Meat going down? 1t is be-
ing boosted out of sight | have
watched it for Years, wondering where
1t would stop"
II have watched it for years and l
don't see much change" said the Feed
err. ut always wobbles around a Fig
ure that keeps me guessing as to where
l am going to get off"
MIR. Spratt being a keen Business
Man with metropolitan training. gave
him pointer.
when the prices paid by the Con-
sumer are pushed up you should de-
clare yourself in on the Divyy," he
said.
Can you see me trying to take a
Fall out of the Beef Trust?" asked the
humble custodian of the Steers. When
I chaperon my little carload up to the
Great City / put them into Pen and
wait until a Gentleman in Top Boots
comes along and begins to bid on them.
After he bids it somehow happens that
there is nobody else present to raise
him. OF course | don't have to SELL
Il always reserve rtpt pIlNlltS5C tet>-
ing the Steers back home and keeping
them as Household Pets. AS a rule /
sit on the Fence for almost an hour.
until | get my Straw chewed up. and
then take whatever ] can get, pin it
under my Shirt and run for a Train
before the other Bunco Man gets me- =
The Packer to whom ] give up large
sums for Choice Cuts when / can af-
ford it, has a soft Lead Pencil with
which he will figure 1T out, to the sat
isfaction of any Impartial Investigator.
that he is just about catching even, .
said Mr. Spratt. That's why ! feel so
After devouring Package Of that
sorry whenever Congress gets after
him He has lot of money. but ] un-
derstand that he made 1t outside of
Business Hours. playing Croquet."
"'rhis is a tough World said the
cattlcman, dumping ont another Bushel.
Everybody gets the worst OF 1.-THE
unprotected Rube when he has To sell
for So hundred the poor Consumer
when he has TO pay rs cents a pound
for Porter House and the prosecuted
King of the Jungle. when somebody
writes Book about him. Even the
steer gets II I'm the Neck"
The independent., 1907-02-28
ROBINSON cRusoE.

When Robinson Criaoc found him.
self laid out on the beach of strange
Island. with no supplies except a mis-
cciianeous lot of old Junk That ssssvrn-
blcd a Rummage Sale did he arrange
10 settle down and stay there
Hardly.
BE took a plece Of Wire couple ~
The independent., 1907-02-28

! At a reception in Washington some
| time ago one Of the guests, a man with
a poor memory for faces and, in addi-
ton. a little near-sighted, took the host
aside and spoke to him in a confiden-
tial whisper
"You see that tall man standing by
the door," he asked.
Yes.
Well I was talking to him a while
ago about the terribly cold weather in
Nebraska last year, and he yawned in
my face
The host smiled Don't you know
who he is" asked he.
mo"
That's Lieutenant Peary, the Arctic
explorer"
"A couple of lax sandwiches If you
please
I'VE don't keep EN-, sir"
"Ah, don't you? A cromasey, then"
Sorry, but we don't carry crom-
tscies. :. v.
Then give me BUBBLE and squeak
The waitress, with sour smile,
shook her head
Toad In the hole?"
mo, sir"
his hat and left the eating-house.
HE is an English emigrant," the
waitress said. Lots Of English emf
grants come here, and they are always
asking for the queerest dishes-bubble
and squeak, lax sandwiches, toad in
the hole, cromascies. 1t would pay us
to serve them these dishes, and we'd
do so, only We don't know what they
are
A neatly dressed young woman
walked timidly into a certain hotel in
New York some time ago while the
proprietor happened to be In the lobby
He saw the young woman was shy and
spoke To her.
Good morning."
Good morning, SIR
DO you intend to stop here?"
Yes, sir. think so.'
All" exclaimed the proprietor with
his courfliest bow, "just step over here
and sign your name in the register"
The young woman walked across and
signed her name, Mary McGann, Ho-
boken."
"Have you trunk. Miss McGann?"
Yes, sir; mans bringing it now"
DO you intend to stay long?" :.
Il hope SO, sir. You see, I've just got
a job in the iinen-roon and / wouldn't
like to lose it.
OF r. b. Hull the Yale senior who
won the Thatcher debating prize, q
story has been floating about New Ha-
ven
Young Mr. Hull happened to be read
ing and smoking en- an afternoon walk
when an elderly clergyman stopped him
and tried &c induce him to give up to-
bacco.
Young man." the. Clergyman said,
ARE you aware that in all creation
you won't find any animal except man
that smokes"
Yes" Mr Hull answered. smiling;
"and neither DO | find in all creation
any animal that cooks it's food"
The independent., 1907-02-28

1t seems to us that nearly every
man in this country is insisting on
panic. Good times result in as much
restlessness among the people as hard
times, we sometimes think.
The independent., 1907-02-28

man who would scorn TO lie about
his neighbors. will cheerfully Jie about
his country, and regard himself as
something of reformer for doing il.
The independent., 1907-02-28
Bunch of o\dN Ones s4 s3 ~ 5 E. Il ''sa

''Y 'm,' replied Lucy demurely, "Ah
knows that. But he's dissatisfied"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-01-17
The Secret of Good Health.

The doctor took off his nose glasses,
looked through them at the. window,
fished out piece of chamois skin and
began polishing them.
THE trouble with most people," he
began as he rubbed harder at q par
ticularly stubborn spot, lis that when
they get up in the morning feeling well
they say: My. I'm in fine shape this
morning, l feel as if l could eat most
any old thing" And then they pro-
coed to do so. Before night they say:
4 felt so well this morning, and now
I feel so terribly worn out and tired.
1 believe it's a bad omen to get up in
the morning feeling so fine If the
idiots would only eat nothing at all
or very sparingly of something dainty
and nourishing they could preserve
their feeling of elation till consider
ably later in the day. The very mo-
ment," the doctor concluded as he
placed his glasses where they belong
ed, that the human digestive appa-
ratus begins TO be cheerful over a good
rest and to believe that it's owner has
some sense after all, the aforesaid
owner thinks he is starving and there
upon stuns it with a load of indigesti-
BILE garbage."-Chicago News.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-01-17

decided as to which of the four was
the greatest, and finally the members
of leading club determined to have
the quartet of singers interviewed sep
arately by one of the members TO find
out to whom each Of the singers
awarded the palm of being the great
est basso then in London.
Staudigl answered promptly and
truthfully. "Lablache is the best"
Marini replied, Il will not say who
is the first basso. but l am sure La
blache is the second"
Lablache modestly responded, eff
Staudigl were not here, l certainly
would claim the lead"
Formes without hesitation instantly
said, THE greatest basso, sir-that's
me, Karl Formes."
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-01-17
OUR TROUBLES.
They are of Three General Kinds, and
There is a Remedy.

They are of Three General Kinds, and
There is Remedy.
Troubles arejof three different kinds:
The. troubles you have had.
The.troubles you have.
The.troubles you are looking for.
The first of these three kinds of
trouble will not press heavily upon
the philosophical mind. 1t is a closed
incident, and ON the principle that
pains and perils through which we
have come to safety are negatively
pleasant memories, we ought to OK
tract the semblance of happiness from
the troubles we have had and dis
posed of.
Remorseful dwelling on what is done
forever is a mistake of fools.
The common sense of the situation
resides only in casting out of mind the
regrettable act of circumstance and
turning to the present with deter
mined spirit that will fight for its own
for the right to happiness now and
here in this tangible instant that We
call time present.
As to the second class, there Is q fact
in nature to the point The nettle is
armed with the most penetrating of
needle pointed thorns. but they are
formidable only to the timid and hest
tating. Approach the plant without APP
prehenSiveneSs of trouble" seize 1t
boldly and defiantly with Il strong
clutch, and the prickers that draw
blood on the weak llneed or the weak
handed will take on velvety caress.
The lesson is obvious. The trouble
that is now trying to swamp you will
loosen its hold on your spirit and take
to its heels if you but turn on it. The
eye of childhood ever fears pointed
devil" The very devil himself cum
ningly contrives not to materialize.
The trouble you are looking for need
not dismay you. If you go out in the
morning resolved on finding it. even if
you have to fight for it, the likelihood
is that some time during the day it
will take on n form that you will rec
ognize.
But that will be largely your own
lookout There are men that resent in
suit before it is offered. You will met
aphoricaIly see them suspiciously and
belligerently peeking lyound a corner
to discover who it is That is presently
to come along and offer some indig-
nifty.
A sense of personal injury has pos
session of them, though If you appeal to
them for reason or for q fact or an
act in support of their Indictment to
somebody-anybody- are neces-
sarily dumb. The whole thing is but
monstrous birth OF their Imagination.
The trouble you are looking for will
never trouble you if you stop looking
for it.-EXchange.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-01-17
MOLINE
Anderson-AhIene.-Miss Agnes All

Anderson-AhIene.-M Agnes All
lene and Benjamin Anderson were hap
PLY married Wednesday afternoon at
o'clock at the home of the brides
mother, Mrs. A. r. Abilene, 1882 Six
teenth avenue, by Rev. l.. A. Johnston.
twenty-five of the immediate relatives
were in attendance and wedding sup
per was served to the party at 5
o'clock. The young people have many
friends in Moline, and they received
quite a number of handsome presents.
The groom is employed as chauffeur
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-01-17
KEIKICHi AOKI.

Japanese Boy Who Figures in interna,
tionaI Episode.
Keikichi Aoki is Il ten-year-old Jap
these boy who figures in an interna-
tional episode in that he has been Sc
lected as the complaining witness in
The suit brought by the United States
government in the supreme court on
behalf of the emperor of Japan to set
tie the controversy over the segrega-
ton of Japanese children in the San
Francisco schools. The case is likely
to become historic, and little Keikichi
therefore is n character of no ordinary
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-01-17
At the Tbeofer.

presentation of 1.-The Social Whirl, y
the big musical comedy production
made by Sam S. and Lee Shubert, re-
naming there from April last until
October, playing throughout the entire
summer. The piece is said to be a
keen burlesque on the methods en-
ployed by some of the socalled society
journals that are not adverse to pub
fishing scandal that drags the socially
prominent people before the public in
a manner that does not place them in
a very good light. THE Social Whirl''
will be the Grand opera house attrac-
ton tonight.
"Thelma" Here TccnorroW.-Miss
Carolyne Mclean, well and favorably
known as one of Americas most de
lightful young actresses, is announced
for an appearance at the Illinois the
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-01-17
A Jamaican Lady Speaks Highly of
ChamberIain's Couch Remedy

Mrs. Michael Hart, wife of the super
intendent of Cart Service at Kingston,
Jamaica, West Indies islands, says that
she has for some years used Cham
berlain's Cough Remedy for coughs,
Group and whooping cough, and has
found it very beneficial She has i'm
plicit confidence in it and would not be
without bottle of it in her home. Sold
by all leading druggists.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-01-17

over the United States, leads the band
and directs the music of the minstrels.
Bears Out for Drive.-Teddy B.,
and Teddy G., two real live Teddy
bears, members of the Spellman group
of bears being exhibited at the Elite
theater, went for a drive yesterday
afternoon. A big hack was secured,
and the two animals, with Mile La
Were and their trainer. were driven
about the city. AT the Lincoln school
building a stop was made. and the
bears were allowed a frolic in the
snow. to the great delight of the hun
dreds of pupils. The two Teddys
seemed to thoroughly enjoy the little
excursion The bears are the main at
traction of this weeks bill at the Elite,
and their unique performance is at
tracing crowds every night at both
performances.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-01-17
DAVENPORT

Leg Broken in Scuffle.-During a
scuffle in the Cold Wave saloon at $50
West Front street, Tom Casey was
thrown to the floor and suffered frac-
ture of the leg. He was removed in
the city ambulance to st. Luke's hos
pital.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-01-17

Third Recruiting Station Opens.-Ev-
identity the various branches of Uncle
Sans army and navy look upon Dav-
export as good place to recruit men
as soldiers and sailors. A navy re-
cruiting Office was opened up yesterday
in room 40, Whitaker building, with
Master-at-Arms c. V. Hunter in charge.
This makes the third recruiting Office
for Davenport, the army recruiting sta
ton and the marine, or ship soldiers,
stations having been running for some
time Each office is independent of
the other.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-01-17
Would Exchange courtesies.-secl

tary Steel of the Davenport CONNER
cial club is in communication with
about fifty similar clubs throughout the
country, with the idea OF Erecting an
exchange of courtesies with the or
CARNATIONS. This privilege is really
one of the most valuable corollaries of
club membership, meaning as it does
that wherever the member may be, if
in any city of considerable size, he has
the same advantages as are afforded
him by the home institution.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-01-17

National Officer Here.-First Vice
President Keough of the National
for the purpose of investigating the
troublesome situation of the local mold
ers. He was asked to make a state
ment, but he stated that he had just
arrived and did not know what the
circumstances were himself.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-01-17

Taken to Hospital.-Mary Rosbor-
rough, the young lady who ran away
from her parents home Monday morn
ing. and who was caught at Fifth and
Gaines streets, was taken before the
board of insanity commissioners and
committed to Mercy hospital.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-01-17

Obituary Record Mrs. Mary Jane
Davis, for the past four years a resi-
dent of Davenport, died Tuesday af-
ternoon at the home of her son-in-law
and daughter, Mr.. and Mrs. John
Beach of Fishertown road. She was
sc years of age and was born in Vir-
ginia, from where she moved to Down
ey, Iowa Her husband died in 1882.
She is survived by three daughters,
Mrs. l.. Flatters of Downey. Iowa, Mrs.
John Beach of Davenport, and Mrs.
Hulda Sarver of Davenport, besides a
son, Arthur of Muscatine.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-01-17

Damaged by Fire.-Yesterday fire
broke out in the Greek grocery store
enc of the Calkins buildings on Third
avenue, between Seventeenth and
Eighteenth streets. The blaze started
in the roof and was caused by a defec-
tive flue. 1t had gained considerable
Roadway before it was discovered and
for a time it looked as if the building
and the one adjoining would be de-
stroyeG. The condition of the pave
ment made it very hard travelling for
the fire department, but effective work
was accomplished after the arrival
upon the scene. The loss will not be
heavy as the building is old.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-01-17

Eighteen More Men Needed.-Com-
pany + of the Illinois National Guard
must secure IS more men or lose its
share of the congressional appropria-
ton for militia. According to orders
just issued by the war department the
minimum strength OF a company of
militia infantry must be 5S, if il is to
receive support from the national gov
ernmCnt. The present enrolment of
Company f is 40. Captain NJ H. Lyon
feels confident that sufficient num-
Der of men can be enlisted to reach an
enrolment of IS or more. but he re-
allies that it will be a scurry to do it,
and that every effort must be made 20
avoid the calamity which seems i'm
minent. Five companies in the 9th
Illinois, of which Sheriff Ell Kittilsen
is colonel, are up against the same
proposition which confronts Company
F. their enrolment being even smaller
than that of the Moline organization.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-01-17
Plumbers Here Next Month 7

convention of the Iowa Master Plumb
ers' association will be held in Daven-
port next month"; and the local plumb
ers are busy making arrangements to
entertain the visitors. The convention
will be held at the Davenport CONNER
cial club Feb. IS, 10 and 90.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-01-17
Or. a. W. Ghase's
kidneY.liver Pills

the worlds greatest kidney ana Evei
regulator, and the only medicine hav.
ing & combined action on kidneys and
liver. One pill a dose; IS cents box.
Write for free sample to The DR.. A. w.
Chase Medicine Co., Buffalo. n. z.
HARPER HOUSE PHARMACY. =
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-01-17

Primrose's Minstrels.-Music is to
be one of the special features with
George Primrose and his all star min
strel company, who will be the attrac-
ton at the Illinois theater Sunday, Jan.
90. matinee and night The vocal de
partment has received the most careful
attention by the management and will
be made up of four first tenOrs, four
second tenors, four baritones, and four
bassos. each of whom have had mu-
steal training here and abroad They
will be assisted by a trained chorus
of u voices, making in all 26 male
voices who will render all the latest
ballads, and will also revive number
of the ballads of long ago. They will
be accompanied by an orchestra of 30
picked musicians. The comedians
number six of Americas leading lights
in blackface comedy, headed by George
Primrose, and each of them will bring
a budget of new comic songs and hui
morous sayings which will be heard
here for the first time The entire
company will be seen in the first part,
all in black face.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-01-17
BkGK-AGnE

and all other symptoms of kidney dis
ease are speedily removed when the
kidneys are made healthy, active and
vigorous by the use OF
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-01-17
by F. G. Allen and will go to house
keeping in a residence at Allendale.

Aid Association Prospers.-Recently
the Moline Plow Company Aid associa-
ton held its annual meeting and heard
reports and elected officers. The or
Ganization lis in a very good condition
and the reports given were very graft
flying to the members. During the
past year $2,254.O5 was paid out and
$146.S1 is in the treasury at the pres
ent time. Forty-fiye members were
sick during the year and four death
claims were paid. They were: Fred
Adiham, Frank Dahlheim, John John
son, and c. E. Sundquist
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-01-17
ADJUSTMENTS.

With the Entire Original New York
Production Intact
Just as Presented One Year and a Half
at the Lew Fields Theater.
New York.
Twenty Weeks in Chicago. Is Weeks in
Boston
superb COmpany-Twenty Principals
Chorus Ensemble of go.
The Mcrriest Musical Show on Earth.
Prices soc. Use. 81 and $3.50; boxes,
So Phone west 224.