The Washington herald., 1907-09-15
Maria's Midnight Lectures.

while he's over there. Not that think
much OF the Japs. Ny Aunt Emily
the one our little Emily is named for
bought a bamboozle table from "a Jap
once and It all went TO pieces the next
day. and She had % stick the legs in
with fy paper. She tried 10 get even
on another Jap who sold her some tea
cups at auction-pretty they were, too,
with Greaser girls painted all over the
sides-but the first time she served
tea ia en- the paint all came of and
old Miss Halsey had a patch Of red
and gold on her upper lip that she
couldn't get of for a month O. Sun
days. l don't trust them Japs.
Speaking about tea, Job, I notice
that the man who makes Lipton's tea
is trying TO get hold o. the Queens
Cup again. Hes going 70 build two
ShamrOcks this time-ShamrOck the
twenty-three Is the one that's a-going
to race. Luckily the race Is coming
of in a campaign year SOS thereU be
plenty OF wind 20 spare.
"Oh, say, Job, there was a man here
to-day asking if little Emily had been
vaccinated- I told him no. and that
she wasn't a-gOing 70 be. I told him
she'd had the measles, the whOOping
cough, the mumps. the tix-doloreau,
and the hives. and I thought that was
plenty enough for one child wishOut a.
sticking needles in her arm 10 give
her another disease. He said a whole
lot about some doctor named Jenner-
I seems 10 me Jenner might be a
minding his own business and leave
Emily alone; she amt done nothing to
him. Why, il was through this COM
puls0ry vaccination that 'Giny Os-
borne got married. She was vacci-
mated and it took, and made her arm
awful sore. Mat was a-going with
her then and her father was sus-
plciOus They went 10 a party over
10 Mats house and Mat just took hold
Of her arm-bUt he got the wrong one
and it hurt like alrs out and 'Giny
hoIlered ft 10 kill Her paw thought
Mat had tried 70 kiss her, and there
was such a hOWdy-dO that Mat had 10
marry her. Not but what they're
happy enough, only 'Giny won't let
any o. her children be vacclnated-
says she's just as soon they'd have
the smallpox as catch q husband like
Mat. No, sir I don't believe in vac
ciuation.
"Oh. laws. here Il is nearly 2 o'clock
and I amt half done yet. I wanted
10 tell YOU all about Secretary Straus,
who's just back from HOnolulu-that's
where the chewing gum comes from.
He saws they're going 10 elect ROOse-
welt out there; and say, 7 didn't tel
vou about Buffalo Jones-I don't know
whether he got his name like Buffalo
Bill or whether he just lives in Buff
falo but he's after the nature takers
now. and though he's short on knows
edge bout woodcocks, he's long on
wolves. and 7 guess he's afraid Of be-
ing called a liar. because he says the
President is right in everything he
says
An then I wanted 10 talk 70 YOU
about this business OF teaching swim
ming in schools. Seems 10 me there
won't be any time for reading. Tit
ing. and 'rithmatic pretty soon-hrst
they're teaching the young idea how
10 shoot and now they want 'em 70
swim. Well. you'll just have 10 buy
their bathing suits. J2b; I'm not going
10 sit up and make 'em. Course. Emily
can swim IN one Of my old wrappers.
7 reckon. The same paper says that
Dr. Egan was at the grave Of Hamlet
yesterday That's the feller Dr..
Egan's written so much about. Guess
he's sorry now that he sees the mans
dead,
What are you turning out that
light for2 Going upstairs TO bed?
Why. Job. I'm not half through. Wei.
I suppose You Will have your Way-yOu
never viii listen 70 me. JOb-Jobi
Take of those clumsy shoes, yOuu
wake the children. and We haven't a
drop Of cough syrup in the house-lit-
tie Haley spread it all on his bread
at lunch time to-day. Ssh. Go quiet
". Job"