The St. Mary banner., 1907-01-19

Never since l was a boy had stay
ed in Vernon for SO long as now, new
er had | repented SO bitterly as now
the error OF my ways. l loved, and
1t seemed to me that my attachments
was reciprocated, yet my position for
bade me to 60 to Monsieur Leuillet
and ask boldly for his daughters
hand. While l had remained obscure,
artists whose talent was no more re-
markable than my own. had raised
themselves from BoheEl into pros
perity. l was an iaier, a good-for-
nothing. And then well, I owned to
Berthe that I loved her! l owned
that | loved her-and when l left for
Paris We were secretly engaged
Mon Dieu! Now l worked indeed:
To win this girl for my own, to show
myself worthy Of her innocent faith,
supplied me with the most powerful
incentive in life. In the Quarter they
regarded me first with ridicule, then
with wonder, and, finally, with respect.
For my own enthusiasm did not fade
He has turned over a new leaf" they
said, 'he mems to be famous," 1t
was understood. No more excursions
for Siivestre, no more junketings and
recklessness! l was another man
my IDEAL of happiness was now a wife
and home.
For a year I lived this new life. Il
progressed. Men-whose approval was
a cachet-began to speak of lne as
one with a future In the Salon a
picture Of mine made something Of a
stir. How l rejoiced, how grateful
and sanguine l was!
said that it was not too soon for
me to speak now; had proved my
mettle, and, though l foresaw that
her father would ask more before he
gave his consent. was, at least, JUS
titled in avowing myself l telegraph
ed to my mother to expect me.
On the way to the station l noticed
the window of a florist; l ran in to
bear off some lilies for Berthe. The
shop was SO full of wonderful flowers
that, once among them, found some
difficulty in making my choice Hence.
| missed the train; and, rather than
walk about until the next, returned
to my studio incensed by the delay.
A letter for me had been just de-
livered. It told ME that on the previ-
GUS morning Berthe had married my
brother.
could have vi lcomed a pistol shot
my world rock Id. Berthe lost, false.
Gregoire's wife! Il reiterated it, I said
it over and over, was stricken by it
and yet, could not realize that ac-
tually 1t had happened
Oh, l made certain of it later, be-
lieve mel was no hero Of feuille-
ton, to accept such intelligence with
out proof! l assured myself OF her
perfidy, and burnt her love letters one
by one; tore her photographs into
shreds-strove also to tear her image
from my heart.
A year before I should have rushed
to the cafes for forgetfulness. but now,
Is the shock subsided, turned fever
ishly to work. For months l persist
ed, denying myself the smallest re-
spite, clinging 60 resolution which
proved vainer daily. Were art to be
mastered by d"sged endeavor.
should have conquered; but alas!
thought could compel myself to paint,
l could not compel myself to paint
we'll. had fought temptation for
half year, worked with my teeth
clenched, worked against nature, work.
nA w nd o1o
for the draughts of dissipation, which
promised a sreedier release. l recog-
nized that my work had been wasted,
that the struggle had been useless i
broke down.
l need say little of the months that
followed-it would be record of de-
gradatiOns and remorse; alternately,
fell, and was ashamed l shuddered
at the horrors I had committed.
One afternoon when l returned to
my rooms, from which l had been
absent since the previous day, l heard
from the concierge that visitor await
ed me. l climbed the stairs without
anticipation. My thoughts were slug
gish, my limbs leaden, my eyes heavy
and bloodshot My visitor was Berthe.
I think nearly a minute must have
passed while we looked speechlessly
in each others face-her's convulsed
by entreaty, mine dark with hate.
Forgive me-" she gasped, Il have
come to beseech your forgiveness! Can
you not forget the wrong l did you?"