davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-07-26

Canadian courts say that geese are not birds. and they certainly cannot be classed with Missouri mules among the animals. They are what.isits.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-07-26

William and Mabelle faced all the kodaks and returned to their native land, which land. by the way, failed to reyvlce over their return.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-07-26

The sheets in Texas are to be nine feet long, but the blankets will stand pat, especially when the northers are blowing.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-07-26

The jingoes should go to Korea at once to put the ex-Emperor back on his historic and absurd throne.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-07-26

Words without end almost perplex the jury at Boise, but the end of the trial is actually approaching.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-07-26

The Greater Birmingham bill makes s no more headway than the Birming- ham baseball team does.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-07-26

District Attorney Jerome has de- stroyed the list of contributors to his campaign fund. Has Cortelyou done likewise?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-07-26

The Springfield Republican says the Fairbanks boom suffers from a flare back in the buttermilk turret.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-07-26

Foraker Is 10 be voted down and Taft up next Saturday by the Ohio republican state central committee.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-07-26

The Haywood jury will soon enjoy rest from the endless tongues of high-priced lawyers.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-07-26

The Koreans will soon be wearing plug hats and russet shoes. Civiliza- tion is marching on.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-07-26

Japan knows what to do with Ko- rean eX-Emperors
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-07-26
THE SOUTHERN MAN IDEA

pected; and the doubtful states and the possibility of obtaining political converts are elsewhere than in the south.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-07-26

The airship is busy at present in carrying people to the north pole.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-07-26

The crops are ripening and coming to harvest despite the predictions of experts.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-07-26

In the last fiscal year we imported S114,o00,0O0 of gold against exports of s51 100000.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-07-26

Korea's Emperor and the army's Colonel Ayres go out by the under ground rotue.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-07-26

Wall street Is becoming optimistic despite itself
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-07-26

Paterson, N. J., is the brocade, as we'll as the anarchistic, center of the country.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-07-26

Prohibition has a road to travel in Georgia
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-07-26

The Glidden idiocy is at any rate ended and the heated term becomes endurable.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-07-26

Gadsden Journal; Old Sol ist giving us good measure these days. Thirteen hours a day of boiling temperature Is enough for anybody.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-07-26

Tri-Cities Daily: Since the child labor law was made to suit one of the largest cotton mill owenrs in Alabama the governor. he kindly allowed 1t to pass
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-07-26

Alabama Courier: They are calling Hob- son, Colonel now. He ought to resent it. There are no colonels in the navy and a captain in the navy is a bigger man than a colonel In the army
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-07-26

Entered at the Birmingham, Ala.' postoffice as second-class matter under act of Congress March 3. 1879.
The Muskogee cimeter. [volume] (Muskogee, Indian Territory, Okla.) 1901-19??, 1907-08-30

The Maryland farmer who discov-
cred that his hired man was the head
of large business concern in Phila-
delphia was not necessarily surprised.
Hired men have such way OF know
ing how the universe should be run
that the average man who comes in
contact with them often wonders II
they are not captains Of industry out
for quiet vacation.
The Muskogee cimeter. [volume] (Muskogee, Indian Territory, Okla.) 1901-19??, 1907-08-30

Finally somebody asks him where
he was going to hire his horses and
carts, and whether he was going to
Tommy just smiles real confident. and
says, kind o gentle and reprovin',
that he didn't have in mind TO employ
any horses or carts, and for that mat
ter any men, either.
You ought to "a seen the eyes O.
they thought Tommy was dippy, but
then they decided that maybe he had
Invented some new kind OF machine
for removin' snow. SO they kept mum
and let him go ahead with the job.
You see, ii was this way. This
town Is situated, like | said, near the
foot hills, and the streets are pretty
steep. 1t starts way up at the foot
OF ridge, and then comes down al
most like ladder, and slopes right
through the business section Of the
town, which was the part the council
wanted scraped off. What does Tommy
do but put all advertisement in the 10.
cal papers that run something like
this:
BOYS AND GIRLS.-A CHANCE TO
make Five Dollars! A SNOWFALL rolling
contest will take place next Saturday
at the head of Main street. TO the boy
or girl who succeeds in rolling the
largest SNOWFALL down TO the foot of
dollars % s''eg, Just H think OF five FIVE u pof Ee
LARSl for little fun! Every school
| boy and schoolgirl is entitled to chance
at this fine prize.-Thohas Bagsby. Ref
| cree. United States Hotel.
Well, say, can you beat It? Do you
know what a big, healthy SNOWFALL,
made out O sticky snow, can do when
it gets good start down a steep In.
cline? Well, you listen. There was
about 100000 kids at the top O.
that hill when it come time to start
the race. and there was Tommy, big
as life. lookin serious and solemn as
| ever, directing the proceedings. lie
| had the little boys and the girls &c
first, because, as he told me after
wards, there might be some snow
left after the first roll-off, and he
Thought the big boys could handle
that best
1t didn't take the kids long to catch
on. They begun with a little ball
you know, the kind you throw. at .
person-and rolled them along unit
they got about as big as a barrel, anC
then, when they reached a good place
at the edge of the ridge. they give
them shove, and down they go
| sailing along serene and tidy, gather
ing up momentum and snow, anC
clearing that street fine and elegan
by the noble law of gravitation.
There was one thing, though. tina
Tommy forgot. He forgot to give
the citizens OF Pikeville due warning
The Muskogee cimeter. [volume] (Muskogee, Indian Territory, Okla.) 1901-19??, 1907-08-30

as to Just what kind OF obseQuies
were going to take place, and the re-
suit was that when those snowballs.
some o. them as big as a small barn.
come tearin' down along Main street.
why there was some pretty nimble
side-stepping by people who happened
to be doing chores around about that
time. 1t just seemed like that street
was alive with snowballs. They come
pilin' and swishin and roarin' down
SO fast you couldn't count 'em, and
speedier than Vanderbilt cup racer.
and getting bigger and bigger every
second, while the good citizens and
citizenesses that happened to be hang.
ing around begun to get move on
like the very old Nick was after them.
hustlIng into doorways and behind
telegraph poles, and wherever there
was chance to escape. that SNOWFALL
cyclone. And, sir, those balls kept
on doing the street cleaning business
better than q hundred Dagoes could
"a done II until they strike the level
just across the railroad tracks, and
come to a halt right on the edge O.
the river. Say. 1t was u sight to
see them snowballs piled up along
that bank. You would q thought
they were pile of white elephants
huddled together.
The only trouble was to decide who
had won the prize, because each snow.
ball looked bigger than the other. and.
besides, nobody could tell which was
which. But Tommy finally settled It
all right He picked out the littlest
girl in all that crowd-you could a
packed a hundred like her away In
the SNOWFALL that Tommy swore she'd
rolled-and give her the money. but
everybody seemed satisfied, for they
most sure had more than five dollars
worth Of sport.
Clean the streets up? Why. there
amt street cleaning department In
the country that could "a done the
job any slicker. And, sir, you wouldn't
believe 1t, maybe, but in some places
those thunderin' big snowballs had
even ripped up the cobble stones. II
was a wonderful demonstration-that's .
the way Tommy, put it-of the work.
ing Of the laws Of gravitation and
capillary attraction. to say nothing
OF a mysterious Providence.
We needed that eight hundred bad
there being evidences at the United
States hotel that we had about sx.
hausted our supply Of welcome. There
was about $500 left over, and Tommy.
like the good boy he always Is. div
We'd up among the crowd. Some OF
the fellows-you know you have to ex.
cuse them, they hadn't seen money
for so long-were itching to get their
hands on some more coin, seem this
come so easy; but Tommy said he
had neglected to take out q patent on
his method, and that the city fa
theirs were just mean enough to offel
their own prize for big snowballs In
the future; and, besides. all thu
streets didn't run down hill
Anyhow, as | said, we cleaned uJ
$500, which was plenty to get us back
to Broadway, where the electric lightl
are.
The Muskogee cimeter. [volume] (Muskogee, Indian Territory, Okla.) 1901-19??, 1907-08-30

Charles Dudley Warner advised
every one to be born in a little red
farm house with stone wall around
It," We are not particularly tenacious
about the stone wall, and We enter
q decided exception to the color OF
the house. but We indorse the senti.
ment. The records show that farm
ers' sons are those most likely to sue.
ceed In business and professional life.
Health. vigor. self-reliance, ambition
and the habit of work give them their
advantages In the race for success.
The Muskogee cimeter. [volume] (Muskogee, Indian Territory, Okla.) 1901-19??, 1907-08-30

A railroad president announces that
his road is out of politics and done
with lobbying. Well. really. when
you come TO think OF it, there doesn't
seem to be anything left to fight for.
The Muskogee cimeter. [volume] (Muskogee, Indian Territory, Okla.) 1901-19??, 1907-08-30

In a railroad collision a congress.
man turned double back somer-
sault over two seats and escaped with.
out serious injury. A little thing
like railroad smash.up is no embar-
rassment TO many acrobats who are
accustomed to adjusting themselves
TO the sudden and violent changes
that are constantly occurring In con.
gressional districts.
The Muskogee cimeter. [volume] (Muskogee, Indian Territory, Okla.) 1901-19??, 1907-08-30

= 'Matrlmony as a profession" Is not
a bad idea. And the divorce lawyers
should be broken OF the habit OF per-
suading people that 1t Is for anna
teurs only.
The Muskogee cimeter. [volume] (Muskogee, Indian Territory, Okla.) 1901-19??, 1907-08-30

Arnold DAILY says that Bernard
shaw Is Intoxicated with words and
delirious with ink" We thought that
Arnold DAILY was one OF Shaw's ex-
ponents.
The Muskogee cimeter. [volume] (Muskogee, Indian Territory, Okla.) 1901-19??, 1907-08-30

Peter Cooper Hewett is going to
take us from New York to London In
80 hours. When boat OF that sort
runs into an iceberg the monster OF
the deep will know that something
hit It,
The Muskogee cimeter. [volume] (Muskogee, Indian Territory, Okla.) 1901-19??, 1907-08-30

In the population OF New York city
there are $4,000 persons OF German
parentage, 1000 of Irish, 100000 OF
Russian and $4,000 of Italian.
The Muskogee cimeter. [volume] (Muskogee, Indian Territory, Okla.) 1901-19??, 1907-08-30

A Florida farmer is said to have
cleared $1,000 in one acre OF cabbage
this spring. Perhaps he sold 1t for
clear Havana Key West goods.
The Muskogee cimeter. [volume] (Muskogee, Indian Territory, Okla.) 1901-19??, 1907-08-30

Admiral Yamamoto thinks we are
nice people, but he is going home
through Canada instead OF by way of
San Francisco.
The Muskogee cimeter. [volume] (Muskogee, Indian Territory, Okla.) 1901-19??, 1907-08-30

The Washington preacher who says
that heaven is In the star Alcyone
now comes forward and says that 1t
IL built up with brick houses. He'll
is probably made up OF three-room
fats.
The Muskogee cimeter. [volume] (Muskogee, Indian Territory, Okla.) 1901-19??, 1907-08-30

II has been discovered that Noah
Webster wrote the dictionary with
almost no assistance, but undoubted.
ly he had helped his wife use many
Of the words.
The Muskogee cimeter. [volume] (Muskogee, Indian Territory, Okla.) 1901-19??, 1907-08-30

we were playing len NlSHtS III
Bar Room" and had been doing rat
Ting business for a spell. You see.
most o those people out there are
ketched by title, and "Ten Nights in
Bar Room" looked good TO them. 1t
seemed kind o sociable-like, with
plenty o. gamblin' and shootin' irons,
and chaps droppin' In to pass the time
O day, and a hot stove with the boys
sittin' around II and swappin' lies over
their liquor.
But when 1t got to be spread around
the country that we were strictly
moral show-a kind O. dramatic argu.
ment for temperance and signin' the
! pledge-why it's surprising the way
receipts fell off. SO when we got to
Pikevile we were drawing about as
good as chimbley filled full o
birds nests.
The ghost hadn't walked for so long
that / guess he'd forgot how, and to
make things real interestin' and i'm
portant, why what does our manager
do but one night skip with all the re-
ceipts. We were dead up against 1t,
more or less, and nothing doing TO
annex the long green.
And to make matters still worse.
we were showed in. Yes, sir. 1t
showed like ] never see IL snow be-
fore. You wouldn't believe it, but
for five days she never let up.
Well, sir, there we were-the hull
: ~f tnn
me and Tommy Bagsby, who played
the heavy" and did the press agent
stunts. We were stoppin at the
Il hited States hotel, and for time
they treated us like white people,
but It wasn't long after our manager
skidooed before they sized us up for
bunch of crooks. You see. 1t makes
lot of difference in the show bust
ness how you succeed.
Well, sir, there we were stranded
on the foot hills, and not enough OF
the long green in the crowd to pay
our hotel bill, to say nothing OF trans
portation back to Times Square. We
were up against it for fair-but say
do you know Tommy Bagsby? No?
tard when it comes to the ways and
means committee. We had been
showed in nearly a week, living on
tick, and pretty poor tick at that,
when Tommy decided that sopething
must be done to raise the dough.
You see. the snow had come down
so deep that you couldn't break
IA L ~ Il mi To
1t was piled up mile high in the
cutters and out in the middle Of the
street where the storekeepers had
thrown il when they shoveled off the
sidewalks. And II got so bad that
finally horse couldn't pull a sleigh
through it-he just sank down to his
shoulders and stuck
Well, the town council gets move
on and advertises for bids immediate
TO remove the snow along Main street
And here's where Tommy butted in
Ii seems he had a hunch on what II
would cost TO get rid OF that snow
by the old.fashioned method Of shov
cling it in carts and houling 1t away
with teams. Tommy figured 1t would
come to about thousand dollars, SC
what does he do but put in bid fol
eight hundred.
Well, sir, the council nearly threw
! a fit when they heard Tommy's bid
/ 1t seemed too good to be true. but
Tommy just stood right up in meetin
and handed them out beautiful
spiel, and they agreed to let him have
whack at the snow cleaning proposi
, ton, provided they wasn't to pay un
til the snow was good and OF.
The Muskogee cimeter. [volume] (Muskogee, Indian Territory, Okla.) 1901-19??, 1907-08-30

A young plant is 70 per cent. water
and the remainder carbon, which 1t
has taken from the air.
The Muskogee cimeter. [volume] (Muskogee, Indian Territory, Okla.) 1901-19??, 1907-08-30

The strike fever has hit Sweden,
and many workmen are said to be
jumping their yobs.
The Muskogee cimeter. [volume] (Muskogee, Indian Territory, Okla.) 1901-19??, 1907-08-30

II is better to lose your cash than
your character.
The Muskogee cimeter. [volume] (Muskogee, Indian Territory, Okla.) 1901-19??, 1907-08-30

China and Japan together produce
$4,000 tons of silk annually.
The Muskogee cimeter. [volume] (Muskogee, Indian Territory, Okla.) 1901-19??, 1907-08-30

Every inch OF the human skin con-
tains $500 perspiration pores.
The Muskogee cimeter. [volume] (Muskogee, Indian Territory, Okla.) 1901-19??, 1907-08-30
81
s The Lalu of GraUitation !
I BY Gilbert p. Coleman q
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
By Gilbert p. Coleman

Copyright. by Daily Story Pub Coz
The Muskogee cimeter. [volume] (Muskogee, Indian Territory, Okla.) 1901-19??, 1907-08-30

That absence of occupation is not
rest?"
The news-democrat. (Providence, R.I.) 1906-1909, 1907-10-02

"NOble woman
ed what he calls a note of warning"
Yes, I was expecting It," replied the
husband.
''He cautions the public against over
production. i don't think ! quite under
stand him"
Over production. my dear, is too much
The news-democrat. (Providence, R.I.) 1906-1909, 1907-10-02
ALL IN CONFIDENCE.

"weIl, we amt going TO have any panic
this time" said my uncle down on Long
Island when l went down to see him the
other day.
''No. Things are much better than they
were"
There was no cause for any alarm, my
boy. The country was all right, only
these little iurries are bound TO come once
In awhile. When they do come It's all a
matter OF showing that you still have
confidence in the United States Of Amer
'Yesr'
1--WE started in here I'm our village 10
have a regular old financial panic. II i
hadn't busted It there's no telling where
the country would have been inside Of a
week I got word early in the morning
that things were wobbling, and l put a
ten-dollar bin IN my pocket and started
out. First man I struck was Biggs, the
dry-goods man.
She's come at last. says he. and the
country Is going to the devilr" "
"'Blggs, says I, L owe you ninety
cents. Take II out Of that. stand by
Uncle Sam -
"Biggs felt better In a minute. Then
went over to the grocer's and says:
" 'Jimmerson, | owe you ffty cents. L
wish IL was fifty dollars, for money Is
easy. Take II out of that"
'Jimmerson was just ready 10 make an
assignment, but he chirked right up and
sent I'm an order for more molasses and
kerosene. Then ! goes looking for Sam
Hill. ] found him In panic. He was
The news-democrat. (Providence, R.I.) 1906-1909, 1907-10-02

81 paid II, SIR" continued my uncle.
'and l Knocked that panic stlffer'n
dead goat. and the scare was over In a
week Confidence did IL, and you Just
remember it and be right on hand when
another pinch comes" JOE KERR.
The news-democrat. (Providence, R.I.) 1906-1909, 1907-10-02
OVER AND UNDER.

Of anything. For instance. you have ten
or twelve dresses. when three would be
plenty. Yesterday you were down town
and bought six pairs of stockings when
three would have lasted you all winter.
It's the same with your hats. You get
an over-supply on hand and that tightens
things up and brings hard times. That
manufacturer is perfectly correct. and
hope the public will be warned In time"
George" said the wife as she left the
room for moment and returned. II
don't want to be the means OF bringing
on hard times. Here's twenty dollars
have saved out of my pin money in the
last month"
Noble woman exclaimed George as
he received the wad and deposited II in
his vest pocket.
But how about your dgarsr' she
asked. You buy three boxes at time,
when you should only buy a quarters
worth. You also buy four gallons of
claret at a time. Don't you call that
r-productionT
"No, my love. That's where you are
tangled up. Anything In the line OF dry
goods is over production and calculated
to bring on financial stringency. Any
thing In the line Of tobacco or wine Is
under-production and sure TO add to the
material prosperity OF the country AL
ways hand your over production 10 me,
dear and will try to establish the
equilibrium" JOE KERR.
The news-democrat. (Providence, R.I.) 1906-1909, 1907-10-02
HE'S OUT OF 1T.

WELL" said the man who looked as II
he knew thing or two about politics,
addressing himself to the man who wore
a dsgusted look, I'VE shall soon be in
the swing of a political campaign again"
Yes" was the curt reply.
Got your candidate picked out. 1
s'posef'
"No, SIR"
waiting a little to see how the cat
jumps. chr
mo. SIR"
"Then perhaps you don't voter
Perhaps l do, when l want TO, but
shan't want to next year. No interest
In the matter whatever. SIR"
lis that possible! Why, man, what's
the matterr
Don't you understand IT that there are
to be no more contributions to campaign
fundsT
Yes, certainly"
well, that's going 70 tighten things
up, isn't lit Is gentleman going TO
come up to me next year and invite me
The news-democrat. (Providence, R.I.) 1906-1909, 1907-10-02
THE DAYS FABLE.

Once upon time, after pondering
things over In his mind for a couple OF
hours, the Ass turned to the Horse and
said:
See here, now, butt don't like things
the way they are"
"Nof Then go to the master and kick"
That's what / am going to do" and
away he went, and when he had come
into the masters presence he said:
II have been thinking things over. In
the first place should work ten
hours per dayf"
'T'dunnor' replied the master.
"And why shouldn't l get ten hours
pay for eight hours work.
II dunno"
'Tn fact, why should work at allf'
II dunno" repeated the master for the
third time.
Nor / either, and therefore give you
notice that l am on a strike"
When night came, the Horse, who had
done his daily stunt. received n generous
feed, while the Ass not only received
nothing but was not permitted to enter
the stable which had heretofore sheltered
him.
Here, but what do you call thisr' he
asked OF the Horse through n knot hole.
~ seem TO be left out OF this thing en-.
tirely."
Didn't you strike this morningf
And 10 did the master. It's a case Of
nothing from nothing leaves nothing. I'm
not very well up In mathematics. but l
should say that you had better look for
thistles." JOE KERR.
The news-democrat. (Providence, R.I.) 1906-1909, 1907-10-02

: II love your daughter Maude, sir. and
would make her my wife"
Get you gone or l will call my serv-
ants TO throw you out and break your
wretched neckl'
"Sir,' continued the chauffeur as he
Strengthened up, ''you have a carriage
and pair"
81 have"
You drive out"
'I do. and durn your old autosl'
1T have met you while driving, sir. and
looking upon you as my future father-in-
law, I have stopped the machine TO let
you pass. have even turned into the
ditch. This is my reward. Listen TO me.
sir. We shall meet again. We shall meet
on that long hill In the western suburbs.
shall be coming down in my machine.
and you wifi be gotnr- up-ia eaf-ear-
riage. / see and recognize you as the
father who refused me his daughters
hand. loosen the brake. let 'er go.
The steering-gear gets out OF order.
yell"
"And then you plump right into me and
The news-democrat. (Providence, R.I.) 1906-1909, 1907-10-02
THE FATHER SAW.

He was young man with pair OF
goggles on his nose, n cap on his head
and long coat tickling his heels as he
walked. and he entered the library with
confident step.
"wellf' queried the magnate TO whom
he had sent In his card.
"slr, / am here to ask you for the
hand OF your daughter"
"Humph! Who are youf'
"a chauffeur. SIR
by the blessed piper, young man, but
this is too much-too mych! You, q
chauffeur, come here and demand the
daughter of millionairel Are yop crazy7 2"
The news-democrat. (Providence, R.I.) 1906-1909, 1907-10-02

Stung (at the race track)-Say, that
was a nice steer you gave me. You said
Racer would win by a block.
Bunko-An' It's er fact, but de fool
owner made de mistake NV enterln' him
IN n runnin' race.
The news-democrat. (Providence, R.I.) 1906-1909, 1907-10-02

telling the feilers In front OF tho post
office that tbere'd be a hundred failures
In New York before night when steps
up TO him and says:
Sam, I've owed you two shillings on
a dog trade for the last FIVE years. Be
ing az money Is easy, and being this coun-
try was never 30 rich and prosperous, and
being there won't be no panic for ffty
years to come. want 10 pay the debt