davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-11
By F: P. DUNNE
Copyright, 1907, by H. H.
 Mcclure & Col

appindicitis while ye were having ye'er shoes shined be tn naygur Ivry gfn- eration iv doctors has nad their favrite remedies Wanst people were cured iv fatal maladies be applications iv
 blind puppies, hair firm the skulls iv dead men an solutions iy bats wings, just now they're cured be dhrinkin' a tayspoonful iv very ordhinary ar ticle iv booze that's had some kind iv a pizenous weed dissolved in it. Dhrugs, says Dock Ltary, are a little iv pixen that little more iv it wud
 kill ye. He says that if ye look up amy poplar dhrug in tn dlcthnry yen see that 1t Is "A very powerful pizen of great use in medicine: I took calomel at his hands for nanny years till he
 told me that it was apout the same thing they put into Rough on Rats.
 Thin stopped. If I've got to die,
 want to die on tn premises.
 But, as he tells me, ye can't stop people from takin' drugs an ye might as well give thim something that will look important enough to be inthro- juced to their important an fatal cold fin tn head. If ye don't, they'll leap fir the patent medicines. Mind ye, I haven't got annything to say again patent medicines. If a man wud rath- CT take thim thin dhrink at a bar or | dhraw, he's within his rights. Nanny a man have I known who was vic- tim iv tn tortures iv cigareet cough who is now Twin comfortable an hap py as an opeem fiend be takin' Doc tor Wheezo's Consumption Cure. knew a fellow wanst who suffered firm spring fever to that extent that he niver did days wurruk.- Today afther dhrinkin' a bottle of Gazooma, he will go home not on'y with tn strength, but tn desire to beat his wife. There is dhrug store on ivry corner an they're goin' to dhrive out tn saloons onless tn govermint will let us honest merchants put a little cocaine or chloral in our cough drops an advertise that 1t will cure spinal miningitis. An 1t will. too. fr awhile. Don't ye iver take dhrugsT' asked | Mir. Hennessy.
 ''Niver whin I'm we'll" said Er. Dooley. ''whin Pm sick. I'm so sick I'd take annything."
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-11
Bankrupt Sale Saw Mill

Under and by virtue of the author ity vested in me by that certain or der and decree of tho United states District Court for the Middle District of Alabama in bankruptcy. rendered on the 3rd day of August. 1907. in the matter Gordon Lumber Company bankrupt, authorizing. empowering and directing me to sell the property hereinafter described,I, George Stuart as trustee in bankrutcy of said com pany, will during legal hours or sale, on the 18th day of August, lSOI, at the storehouse of said Gofdon LuIn- 5Ill Der Company. bankrupt, at Gordon. Houston county, Alabama, sell at pup- lie outcry for cash to the highest nid- der, the property hereinafter descrio- ed. said sele subject to confirmation by court - from all fncumbrances, except the taxes for 1907, which shall be paid by the purchasers,
 Ali right. title and interest in the west half of the southwest quarter Of section fourteen, (l4D township two CD range twenty-nine (2S,) and the southeast quarter of the southeast quarter of section fifteen (l5,) town ship two. (2.) range twenty-nine. (2S') half of northwest quarter of section ten, QO) township one. U) range twenty mine (29,) all except one hun dred and ten C1l0) acres on southeast
 
 two hundred and fifty (250) acres. more or less.
 upon said land erected and contained. viz: Steam saw mill, blaming mill. dry kiln stock shed. two boiler houses one large two story boarding house, sealed throughout, one store building. one large house. two new tenant houses, sealed throughout. and smaller tenant houses, one barn and other out buildings.
 state a $ follows:
 Commencing on section line and cor ner of Askew land. and running east one hundred and one yards to U. S.road thence along said road one hundred and twenty-six yards thence in a northwesterly directiop one hundred and ninety six yards to section line of fourteen and fifteen; thence one hundred and forty yards to starting point, containing four acres of land; more or less.
 Also a tract of land about three hundred and fifty acres (S5O) situated in said county Of Houston and state of Alabama. and known as the McNeal and Johnson lands.
 Also all the timber. timber rights. and all rights and privileges. leasehold
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-11
MR. COOLEY ON DRUGS

medical journals about tn case. It Is remarkable cure. M H.
 was stricken with excruciating tor lures in tn gastric regions followin' an unusually seevre out in tn coun- thry. Fr time it looked as though it might be nicissory to saw out tn infected area. but as this wud lave an ugly space between legs an chin. it was determined to apply Jam. Gin Dram VIII. Tn remedy acted instant ly. Afther carryin' tn bottle uncorked fir five minyits in his inside pocket tn patient showed signs iv recovery an is now again in his accustomed health
 Yes, sir. If I was a doctor I'd be ayether laughin' or cryin' all tn time. I'd be laughin' over tn cases that I was called into when I wasn't needed an cryin' over tn cases 1 cud do no good An that wud be most iv me cases.
 Dock o'Leary comes in here often an talks medicine to me. 'Ye-ers Is a very thrying pro- -fissyon,' says I. It is,' says he. Pm tired out says he. Have ye a good nanny desprit cases today?' says I. It isn't that says ne, but I'm not very muscular man,' he says, an some iv tn windows in these old frame houses are hard to open,' he says. Tr' Dock don't believe mucn In dhrugs. He says that if he wasn't arraid iv losin' his practice he whdn't give anybody annything but quinine an he isn't sure about that. He says tn more he prac- tices medicine tn more ne becomes a jaintor with a knowledge iv cookin.' He says If people wud on'y call him in befure they got sick, he'd abolish ivry disease in tn ward except old age an pollyticks. He says he's lookin' for ward to tn day whin th' tillyphone will ring and he'll hear voice sayin': Hurry up over to Hinnlssy's. He niver felt so well in his life.' All rigth, I'll be over as soon as can hitch up tn horse Take him away firm tn sup per table at wanst, give him a pipeful iv tobacco an walk him three times around tn block. But whin a mans sick, he's sick an nawtnin' will cure him or annything will. In tn old days befure you an were born, tn doctor was tn barber, Too. He'd shave ye. cut ye hair, dye ye'er mustache give ye dhry shampoo an cure ye iv
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-11

Geo. s. Clark, Port Gibson, Miss. had no control over these periodical sprees, at which time would sacrihce anything on earth for whiskey' ana would leave my job regardless of the salary I was getting and go on spree that would last for months, or until I was so sick I could not drink any more. When applied to you for treat ment I had about Fun the limit, and II mattered little to me whether l nVeo or died. except that | did not want to die a drunkard and bring such dis grace on my aged mother and my sis- ter. It was for their sake concludeo to seek relief from dissipation. when went to your sanatorium l dreamed whiskey when asleep and when awake 1 talked and thought whiskey; in Tact, whfskey seemed to be impressed on my mind in box-car letters ana w Wwas therefore my constant thought. Aiter being at the Sanatorium almost six days (although I could get all the wftskey I wanted) lost all desire or craving for 1t, and from that day 70 this I have had no desire whatever. and will say that any treatment se tnas
 Thanking you for kind attentions whilst with you and wishing you much success and many patient Ps5,o T1RT am; gTurS truly. GEO. 5. SLAnn' sana
 Port Gibson, Miss. Feb. 22. 1906.
 PRICE OF HOME REMEDIES.
 For the benefit of those who cannot afford Sanatorium treatment a special ly prepared home treatment VIII pc sent so that anyone unfortunately ad- dicted to the use of drugs can be cured within the privacy of their owu home. Literature and rree trlai treat ment for drug addictions can be had by writing to Chas. B. James. Lock BOX 1000, Memphis, Tenn.
 The James Sanatorium also specially prenares d Home Treatment for Drunk enness, which can be given within the privacy of the patients own home' ana only costs S12.50.
 The Cigarette, Cigar, Pipe and Snuff Habits can be cure at home at a cost Of oH!y $500. thasa addictiona at such 0 small eE- pense there is no excuse for anyone being a elave to drugs, whiskey or tobacco. and beQueathing the curse or A druR' whiskey or tobacco wrecked system to their children and to future generations.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-11

clock and show other signs iv what he calls rigem mortar, he rides up Tn his fine horse and buggy. He gets out slowly, one foot at time,s hitches his horse an ties a nose bag on his head. Thin he chats f'r two hundred years with tn polishman on tn beat. lie tells him good story an they laugh harshly, whin tn polishman goes his way tn Dock meets tn good woman at tn dure an they exchange a few wurruds about tn weather, tn bad condition of the sthreet, tn health iy Mary Ann since she had tn croup an ye'ersilf. Ye catch tn wurruds, Grape Pie. Canned Salmon, 'Cast-iron dises- tien' Still he doesn't come up. He tells few stories to tn, childher. He weighs tn youngest in his hands an says That's fine boy ye have. Mrs. Hinnissy. make no doubt he'll grow up to be a polisman.' He examines tn phottygraft album an asks if that isn't so-an'-so. An all this time ye lay writhin' In mortal agony an saying to yeersilf: Tnhuman monsther. to lave me perish here while he chats with a callous woman that I haven't said anything but whatY to fir twinty years
 "Ye begin tos think there's a con- spiracy against ye to get ye'er money befure he saunters into tn room an says in gay tone: Well, what dye mane, be tyin' up wan iv tn gr-reat tndusthries iv our nation be stayin' away firm wurruk fr a dayr Dock says ye in a feeble voice. have turabIe pain in me abdumdum. It reaches firm here to here makin' rough sketch iv tn burned disthrict undher tn blanket. I felt it comin' on last night but I didn't say amy thing fir fear iv alarmin' me wife, so simply groaned,' says ye. While ye ar-re describin' ye'er bangs. he walks around tn room lookin at tn pic- lures. Afther ye've got through he comes over an says: Lave me look at ye'er tongue Hum he says, holdin' ye'er wrist an bowin' through tn window to a frind iv his on a sthreet car. Does that hurtT he says. stabbin' ye With his thumbs fin tn su- burbs iv tn pain. Ye know 1t does, says ye with a groan. Don't do that again. Ye scratched me- He hurls ye-er wrist back at ye an 'sthands at
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-11

tn window lookin' out at tn firemen acrost tn sthTeet playin dominoes. He says nawthin' to ye an fe feel like tn prisoner while tn foreman iv tn jury Is fumblin' in his inside pocket fr tn verdict. Ye can stand 1t no longer. Look says ye, Is it annything fatal? I'm not fit to die. but tells me tn worst an I will thry to bear it. We'll says he, 'ye have a slight interioritis iv tn. left foilumbular duck. But this prescription ought to fix ye up all right. Ye'd betther take it over to tn dhrug store an have it filled ye'er- silf. In tn manetime I'd advise ye to be careful iv ye,er dite. wuddent ate anything with glass or a large percintage iu plasther iv Paris in It. An he goes away to write his- bill.
 wondher why ye can always read a doctors bill an ye niver can read his prescription. FIT all ye know, 1t may be short note to tn dhruggist askin' him to hit ye on tn head with a pestle. An it's good thing ye can't read it. If ye cud. ye'd say: I'll not cash this in at no dhrug store. I'll go over to Dooleys an get tn rale thing So, afther thrying to. decipher this here corner iv dhress patthern, ye climb into ye'er clothes fir what may be ye'er last walk up Ar-rchy Road. As ye go along ye begin to think that maybe tn DOCK knows ye have tn Asiatic cholery an was only thryin' to jolly ye with his manner iy dealin. with ye. As yet get near tn dhrug store ye feel sure iv 1t, an 'tis with tn air iv man without hope that ye hand tn paper to g. young pharmycist who is mixin' a two-cenf stamp fir lady customer. He hands 1t overS to promising scientist who Is compoundin' an ice-cream soda fir a child, with tn remark: O'Leary's 8 writing is getting worse and worse. can't make this out at all.' 'Ch,' says tn chemist. layin' down his spoon, that's his old cure fir tn belly-ache. Yen find bucket iv 1t in tn back room next to tn coal scuttle.'
 Its a gr'reat medicine he give ye. It will do ye good no mattther what ye do with 1t. I wud first thry poorfn' some iv it in me hair. If that don't help ye see how fur ye can throw tn bottle into tn river. Ye feel betther already. Ye ought to write to tn
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-11
Albert L Beueridge
NMIHNHm mIEmInM MlHmIH EzIHEIMmlI

DO won all remember the enthusias- tic admiration Miss Fanny Squeers had for MT. Nicholas Nicklebys legs! mat is the way many of our callow poIil- clans look upon the eloqueTlce or sena- tor Albert J. Beveridge, with tnls dlI- ference--everybody could see the sym metry of Mir. Nickleby's legs; nopody haa sounded the profundfties of MT. Beyeridge's eloquence. To make an adeduate study of the Hon. Beveridge one should begin by reading Disraelis "Contarini Fleming" and round up py reading some of the New England hls- tories--Henry Cabot Lodge, Henry Adams, and that set that teach that Amarica Is confined within the geo. rranhIcaI limits of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts and that the great American Republic was forged in conyenticle of Puritan fanatics, who ahuged Gods patience with impertinent prayer and made money out Of the Ar rican slave trade.
 No other statesman ever came to this town so well heralded as MT. Beveridge. No other speech delivered by an Amer ican Senator had such abundant and persistent advance advertising as Bev- eridge on the Philippines. The Senate galleries and corridors were never be- fore. or since, so densely packed as du- ring its delivery. Unfortunately IL was not cOuched in the EnBHsn tongue oE if it was, nobody understood what the man was driving at. I gathered from aL casual reading of it that the Senator meant to convey, in recondite speech, the idea Joe Pickett, of Tennessee, hao when he made that figure of John C. Breckinridge and the American eagle in his fervent appeal to the Irish of Nashville in the campaign Of 1S6Os on both occasions the eagles wings rest ed on the orient and the Occident, and she rose and scared, and rose and scared. and rose and scared. mis- fortune overlook Joe's bird; but l opine that the eagle Beveridge cast om his verbose gauntlet is now somewhere in the vicinity of Arcturus screaming Bunker Hill, Appomattox and San Juan Hill Let us hope she will not return from her wanderings.
 Reveridge was born in Ohio, October 6. 1882 and it is supposed the family was from Virginia, though, with the possible exception of Serene 3. Payne, | do not suppose there is another man in public life who has so little sympa- thy for the Southern section of this country as Albert J. Beveridge. The elder Beveridge was Federal soldier, and. after the war, went to Indiana. The family met with financial reverses and were very poor. Ere he was in his teens the future Senator was a day la borer. 'Srhorns and missiles shall 1t bring forth to thee, and thou shalt eat the herb of the field" In the sweat of his face did young Beveridge eat
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-11

"what ails ye?" asked MT. Dooley of Mir. Hennessy, who looked dejected.
 I'm a sick man." said Hennessy.
 Since tn picnic?" MT. Dooiey sug- gested.
 Now that I come to think iv it, 1t did begin tn day afther tn picnic, said MT. He-aes5y. rye been to see Dock o'Leary. He give me this (pro- ducing a bottle of dark and sinisttr looking liquid), an these here pills an some powdhers besides. An dye know, though I haven't taken amy iv thim yet. I feel betther already"
 well. sir" said --r. Dooley, 'tis grand thing to be a doctor. A man that's a doctor cont have to buy amy funny papers to enjye life: Tn likes iy ye goes to a picnic an has pleas ant, peaceful day in tn cuunthry danc- in breakdowns an kickin' a football in tn sun an ivry fifteen minyits or so washes down a couple of dill-pickles with a bottle of white pop. Tn next day ye get what's comin to ye in tn right place an bein' sLnrong, hearty man that cudden't be kilt be anything less thin a safe fallin' on ye firm twenty-story buildin'. S-e know ye ar-re roin' to die. Tn gooa woman advises a mustard plasther but ye scorn th' suggestion. What good wud mus- tard plasther be again this fatal eps- demic that Is ragin inside " ye! Be- sides mustard plasther wud hurt. So tn good woman, frivilous crather that she is goes back to her worruk singin' a light chune. She knows she's goin' to have to put up with ye fr som" time to come. mustard plasther. Hinnissy, is tn real test iv whether pain is going to kill ye or not If tn plasther is onbearable ye can bet tn pain undherneath 1t Is not. 'Tis tn same thing through life. I've known nanny a broken heart to be cured be a toothache or whack on tn funny bone.
 But ye know ye are goin' to die an y're not sure whether yell send TT Father Kelly or tn doctor. Ye finally decide to save up Father Kelly fr tn last an ye sind fir tn Dock Havin' rescued ye firm the jaws iv death two or three times before whin ye had sick headache tn Dock takes his time about comin', but just as ye are be- ginnin' to throw ye'er boots at tn
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-11

without it. When. in addition, 1t possesses influence and high standing, those qualities give special value to its advertisements For this reason it is the most desirable of ad- vertising mediums. The magazine is in no sense necessity Tt is a luxury The adver- tisng columns of a newspaper of high char acter are immeasurably superior for pur- poses of publicity to any other form of ad- Yertisirg. And in these days. when news paper advertisements are considered in a certain sense a part of the news. when they are read more widely than before. the merchant who presents the news" of his business, every day in the advertising col umns of 6 first-class newspaper has an im- mense advantage over the magazine adver- tiser.
 The newspaper reader wants a daily ac- count of the worlds happenings. He also wants to know every day what the mer- chant and manufacturer are offering to sell to the public The ''news'' in the adver- Using columns of great newspaper re- fleets the commercial and industrial life of the community. Such news is read eagerly by the class which the merchant and the manufacturer desire to reach. It is read every day and the public is guided by it in making purchases. The magazine, on the the public at thirty day intervals. and cir oulating among a comparatively small class in any community can not produce the re- suits which the daily newspaper produces. It has, as a rule. local interest or weight Its advertisements can not influence buyers as do the advertisements published in a newspaper whose readers have long consult ed it's columns for the announcements of business men. The superiority Of the daily newspaper over the monthly magazine is seIf-evident. The experience of the New England manufacturer demonstrates that the advertiser who gets results employs the daily newspaper as the best medium for putting himself in touch with the best and largest class of purchasers.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-11
NEW USE FOR BUTTER
Preventn Boiling Over.

Coffee frequently produces bilious ness and all of the accompanying dis tress. such as loss of appetite. dyspep- sta, bowel troubles. etc. A lady from Illinois says: T had used coffee for many years. and though I took great care in making 1t, felt it's i'll effects very seriously. It made me bilious and robbed me of my appetite for break fast.
 T always had trouble with dyspep- sia while I used 1t. I was told by physicians that I had catarrh of the stomach, and came to believe there was no help for me. Two years ago I quit the use of coffee and began to use Postum Food Coffee. At first missed the stimulant. although the taste of the food coffee was delicious.
 "In a few days I forgot all about my coffee. In the satisfaction I derived from Postum, and soon found that my appetite returned. the bilious condition and dyspepsia disappeared. so that now I am proud to say that at the age of 75 years I enjoy my food as well symptoms and stomach trouble have gone.
 ,sThese troubles had been with me for most of my life and 1t Is really remarkable that I am now so perfectly well. To say that I am grateful does not express 1t. Once in a while I find a person who does not like Pos tum. but I always find 1t Is because it has not been properly prepared. There Is but one way to make good Postum, and that Is to make 1t exactly accord ing to directions allowing it to boil full fifteen minutes. not after it Is placed on tho stove, but after the real boiling begins. Use a small piece of butter, about the size of a pea, to prevent boiling over" Read The Road to Wellville," in pkgs. There's a Reason"
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-11
Engineer Drank Whiskey
But Never Got So Low Down as ts
 Smoke Cigarettes.
DID NOT WANT TO DIE (
 DRUNKARD.
Went Where He Could Get All the whiskey He Wanted, Hut Lost All Craving for it in Six Days.

Chas. B.. James. Memphis, Tenn:
 Dear Sir--I am an engineer by trade and have run on every log road nearly in Mississippi. Louisiana and Arkansas. Never got so low down as to smoke cigarettes, but have gone up against all kinds of propositions in the whis- key line, from Blind Tiger whiskey, patent tonics, etc, up to the best brands. I never lost a job, but l have sacrificed a good many for whtskey I am satisfied now that alcoholism was a disease with me. and consequently
The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-11

thev did. and found that she was just aho,It to expire of some fell malady. Immediately they got aboard the car net and were transported to the sick chamber. The apple was put to the girls nose and she bounced up rosy and buxom entirely recovered.
 Beveridge thinks the Constitution of tbe limited States can be trotted througb all those stunts-carry you where you wish to be- show you what won wish to see and do for you what won wish to do. Is a thing desirable? p,,t the Constitution to 1t and the thing is done. In his philosophy, whatever is ax6edient is constitutional It is a wonderful instrument that can be con fined within my lady's thimble. or stretched from pole to pole, from Orient to OccidenI
 For example child labor in the States is an evil. Declare it commerce and send the Constitution to eradicate it. That is absolutism. If the Federal es- tablIshment is clothed with that pow ar-the power to define production to be commercials power is unlimited, and may be resorted to to turn water into wine or perform any other mira cle it has the whim 10 attempt. The heresv of the child labor bill is that it works a destruction of the States; re- duces them to the place the counties now occupy.
 The misery of it is that the leader of the Democratic party has indorsed the child labor law. proposed by Beveridge. The curious thing Is that the ablest ar gument against 1t was made by Re- publican Senator from Pennsylvania.
 There is a victory forathe Democratic party in two issues, if the party were free to choose-States' rights and hon est tariff.
 (Copyright. 1907, by D. w. Nswman.)