West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1907-11-28

FLOOD PLAYS HOB WITH JOURNAL
Has Net Recovered from prenching
Jim Committee Has Begun to
Slate Tavorites for Pies.

'S''niui were rejoicing on every
hand because we had presented our
benevolent tax laws to a long suffer.
ing people and the machine had lust
laid IN fresh supply of pies to be
distributed among those Of the faith
full who recognize no master but the
governor. 1t was joyous leaving,
but 1 afterward learned that the
faithful mourned my departure.
Pieman Whetsell, through the
columns of the Old Family Journal,
was proudly calling upon the tax
sinners 10 watch their tax receipts
and pu, their trust IN the governor.
This was in accordance with the in.
structions of the governor, who had
by dextrous twist of his tax laws
placed the entire burden of taxation
upon the stalwart shoulders of the
corporations, thus freeing the peo-
pie from the tax bondage which had
been inflicted upon them by Adam,
who was indulglng in the luxury of
a machine in the Garden of Eden,
until Eve made her appearance and
made trouble for Adam and his
machine.
From the days OF Adam down to
Gov. Dawson the machine has been
a disturbing element when the de-
maud tor pies is greater than the
supply When the machine is given
full sway it breeds prodigality and
high kicking to such a degree that
after attending a few of the func-
tons given by it you feel that you
are willing to surrender your pies
and return to your favorite diet Of
Preston county brckwheai cakes.
Sad to relate, find upon my re-
turn to Preston that there has been
a great change come over The peo-
pie. Many have departed from the
teachings OF the governor and others
deny the philanthropy of the Old
Family Journal. The only one, 30
far as | have met, who seems TO be
in HIS normal state, is cumrade
Leader Shaw. His kick ia Just as
vigorous as II was the day the m
committee ruled him of lhe primary
track because he would MOI max
public declaration that he &C
knowledged Gov. Dawson his pc.
lilical master.
The Old Family Journal has not
fully recovered from the effects of
the floods, ana Piem an Whetsell
tells me tearfulIy that the faithful
show decided signs of kicking over
the traces and the majority Of them
refuse TO stand without being hltched
to the pie wagon. This is due, he
declares mournfu,ly, TO The destruc.
ton Of our tax laws. This is why
he revised his gospel song, Watch
Your Tax Receipts" to "Vote the
Ticket Straight" The fertility Of a
piemIn's brain must not be meas.
ured by the enemy.
Bros; Flynn and Lenhart inform
me that they have more applications
for pies than they can supply. This
week have been closeted with them
going over the applications for pie.
We have just finished going over
the applicants for clerk Of the cir
cult court. Bro. John Wesley Wat
son, the present possessor OF the
pie, in a gracious and lopchingly
worded epIslle, renews his allegiance
TO the Jimlets and calls attention to
the hold this pie has upon his affec-
tons. He cites us to his past record
OF fidelity 10 the cause which makes
us patriots and the silyered locks
which precludes him entering a
spnnting race for this pie. This is
a strong recommendation aud car.
ries more weight with us in arriving
at a decision than the gift of a
Panama hat or an automobile, al.
though we are not averse TO accept
ing such gifts # no questions are
asked by the public. After due
consideration was requested by
the Jimlels to slate Bro. Watson
for oo8
Prof. Frank Wellington Candy,
who has an army Of admirers who
claim he is the real chocolate candy,
was another applicant whose Gre
dentials we're thoroughly discussed
pro and con- Weighed in the bal
ance he was not found wanting, bul
it was thought best to let him season
for year or so. lie will keeI
without sailing, while the chance'
are that Bro. Watson could nj
stand the brine.
Another applicant whom We were
sorely puzzled low to handle wa,
Bro. Ben Lemon, of Valley district