davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21
THE RUSE OF WIDOW PATCH.

'- hooC UT WiDOW PATCH. From the New York Times.
 The lonely widow. named Patch cbe phrase suggests a limericl) of soutb Row alston Mass, who hung crape on her doorknob to attract to her cottage the neighbors who had previously refused to call, adopted a cheerful expedient which can hardly be profitably employed by the socially neglected in large cities. An American woman of newly acquired wealth who took house for the season in Curzon street. Mayfair, and found her neighbors inattentive, could hardly hone to win them by hanging out a knot of crape or even an expensive hatchnent. Death is not socially attractive, on it's own account, amid the complex activities ol d metropolis, but Mrs. Patch's hitherto neglected neighbors flocked to her nome to see how natural she looked and learn tho history of the malady which caused her supposed demise. Death never loses It's novel interest in a rural community Mrs. Patch, having once attracted the neighbors, naturally interested them as :, revived corpse so they stayed to talk. and tho social Ice was broken. We trust mat the old lady will be found so en- tertaining in the future that she will never have to complain again of lone someness. She has ingenuity and darin,r enough to be & social leader There Ia q hint of pathos ip the incident and A toucb or the grotesque, which suggest a New England character tale by Mary Wilkins or Alice Brown. Mrs. Patch is scarcely typical New Englander of the approved pattern, but she Is the kind of eccen- trio parsonage New England country life often develops, according to those vera cious story-tellers, and the brief nara tive of her queer social experiment is worthy of amplifcation by student of character.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21
Elections Next Month

Only six states elect governors on November 5. In Massachusetts tho democrats cannot win because they are divided, and have placed two tick cts before the voters. Governor Guild will be reelected, and tariff revision will in him win a modified victory. In New Jersey the democratic candidate, Katzenbach, is opposed by Judge Fort. The chief issue relates to local option in Sunday liquor selling. In Rhode Island the democrats, headed by Gov ernor Higgins, hope to win on promises of reforms and the overthrow of bosses. Boss Brayton has already left the capitol and politics. Kentucky, Maryland and Mississippi will easily elect democrats.
 In the other states only minor off, cials will be voted for, and the plat forms of the two parties are as rule radical and oftentimes confusing. Pret- ty nearly all of them favor primaries. and various sorts of control of private monopolies. The stand-patters and re- actionaries do not shine in the plat forms. They prefer to work from bur rows and i'll the Hobbies.
 Two mayoralty contests are attract ing an unusual degree of attention that of Jersey City and the one in Cleveland. In Jersey City Mayor Fla gan republican, is seeking a fourth term, and he will probably secure it, although the city Is normally demo- cratic by heavy majority. In Cleve- land national issues are felt. Mayor Tom Johnson is also seeking a fourth term, and he is supposed to harbor 8 presidential bee in his bonnet. He is opposed by Congressman Burton, who is a friend of Mir. Taft and a foe of
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21
A Training Ship Reformatory.

T visited one of the moving picture shows last night" said a citizen, "and saw very instructive lesson in reform atory work among boys in England. wish that our police court judge and every one interested in the reformatory system could have seen it.
 "The scene opened in a police court where two boys of the Oliver Twist type were presented to the judge. and immedi- ately after they were taken In charge by a man in uniform who took them ito training ship, lying at anchor out in the Thames. These boys were ragged, dirty mean-lookng little specimens of humay- ity, but a good wash, Q close haircut and Q new suit of clothes soon changed their appearance, and no doubt their disposi- tion well.
 'On board the training ship there were evidently 300 boys, all dressed in man-o- war uniform They went through drill exercises. deck washing and climbing up the rigging. They had a band of mu- sic. and games in which they wrestled and boxed with gloves. Running, jump ing and gymnastics were among the ex- VT NiHNf'' III AoSN' 'NNi tiih6 WiiiCh ndS calculated to make strong, healthy men of them.
 In conversation with a man after wards l learned that these boys were drafted from the training ship into the navy apd that at least 800 boys are put through the course every year. He told me that the English navy has very little difficulty in keeping up the number of itss sailors although the pay is much less than what the American sailor gets.
 Sending a boy to jail simply means making him a criminal for the rest of his life. boys misdeeds are nearly always the result of parental neglect, and the state ought to step in and take the place of the parent in such cases When the state saves a boy it is entitled to his services, just as these English boys are obliged to serve in the navy, and the probabilities are that these boys remain In the navy for the rest of their lives.
 "A training ship appeals to a boy more than any other form of confinement for the reason that the life on board one of these ships is complete change from all previous associations and it offers no chance to escape"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21
Orqan Vlrtuoso.

T am glad that Rienzi Thomas, the organ virtuoso, has returned to Ala bama," said a music liver. MT. Thom- as IS one of the few really fine organ soloists in this country. He lived in Birmingham two years and was at one time choir master at the South High lands Presbyterian church. Accepting a fiattering offer from the great Brook lyn tabernacle he filled the position of organist there for season and then removed to Montgomery, where he is prospering.
 An effort will be made to have MT. Thomas come to Birmingham and give a recital at one of the churches here during the winter"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21
Japan and the PhiIippines s

The declarations of Count Okuma. the opposition leader in Japan, are rather more than surface indications that Japan would oppose the sale of the Philippines to another power She would be sure to say that the sale would jeopardize the peace of the Far East. Very much as we opposed the sale of Cuba to any other nation for fully 70 years, so she would oppose no doubt the sale of the Philippines 10 another nation. We opposed the sale of Cuba to another country be- cause Cuba was near our shores, and
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21
THE MEOIAEVAL GROCER.
om the London Daily News.

From the London Daily News.
 In an interesting and informing lecture last night at the Agricultural hall, MT. J. Aubrey Rees discoursed on "Grocers Past and Present" Grocers he said. were once called pepperers, because they dealt in pepper and spices. Their history would seem to begin about 11s0, when there is an entry on the Pipe Rolls res ferring to the London Guild of Pepperers; then, in l9l0, Mir Rees finds reference in the city records to one William Cham bers being apprentced to John Outer, a ''grosarius, of Soper lane. The title seems due to the dealings in things by the gross-i. e., in quantities.
 ''In those days grocers ministered to the luxuries of the rich; now" said MT. Rees tersely, they distribute the necessities of the poor" The appearance of tea changed the business greatly, and took the place of drugs. which Parliament for bade grocers to sell
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
MT. Lesser.

E. Lesser, who returned from Eu- rope Saturday was greeted warmly by hundreds of his German and Ameri- can friends yesterday All congratu- lated him on his improved physical con dition. MT. Lesser went abroad for his health and if appearances count for anything he has new lease on life.
 "A sojourn abroad is a great thing for health," said MT. Lesser. "If free dom from business cares does not make for a restoration of the nervous sys- tenn l do not know what will"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21
WOMEN WHO SMOKE.
he New York Press.

F rom the New York Press.
 A tobacconist says: We have special orders from some of the swellest women in New York and other cities for cigar cites. Mrs. s. has her monogram on each wrapper. the latter being made of the finest macerated and laid corn shuck. This wrapper-the most exquisite article ever got up-is positively without odor in burning. The cigarettes. contain ing the best tobacco we can find in the world, are worth g a packet. Our best customers are women They never coms to the store to bother us with sampling. but order by messenger CT letter. and usually take what we send them. Every cigarette Is made by hand. The mono srams are made from dies and stamped in gold"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21
From the Chicago Tribune.

From the Chicago Tribune.
 "N ASTING aside all question as to
 S the physiognomy of humorists,
 O for tradition has long estab- lshed that jokemakers have a sad and sorry countenance, interest in The Bookman's article on the funny man in literature must be confined to the confessions of the humorists them selves as to their output. One writer modestly admits that he has perpe- trated 12.000 merry quips. Anoth CT claims that he has put forth no less | than 75,o00 jokes, good, bad and indif- ferent and a third is of opinion that a moderate estimate for his output would be a full 900.
 humorist, not troubled by insomnia, contends that fair days work for him would be 100 jokes while less fertile jester confesses to no more than fifty. Aa to the compensation for these hu- morous coruscations there is wide diff ference of view. While one writer boasts that he has received $10 for a single sparklet, others believe that g could be considered good pay and for joke of ordinary dimensions and aver age intelligence 25 cents would be gratefully received.
 All of which is extremely diverting if not luminously instuctive A few months ago & philosopher, writing of the expansion of the jest, made the blunt statement that all the so-called jokes spring from not more than a dozen roots; that, In other words, there are not more than twelve original jokes, and from these twelve have sprung the multitudinous pleasantries which have contributed so genially to the gayety of nations. This point seems to have been neglected by the contribu- tors to The Bookman. Evidently the merry fellow who has da sh ed off 10O,- 900 epigrams, witticisms, and funny stories would be reluctant to admit that 99,9SS of them are variants and that he has merely repeated the pleasant ries that were current in the Rameside period or were the means of relieving the tedium in the ark during the pre- vailing deluge.
 Another point to be considered is the exact status of a joke. Is a humorist Justineu III pronOuncng an emanatlon from his pen or typewriter a joke be- cause he chooses so to regard 1t? If he happens to be his own editor and publisher can he arrogate this to him self? If a joke is "something said or done for the sake of exciting laughter" then Joker requires no special qua1i- fcations, but if a joke is witty remark or act." who is wholly privi- legged to say that he has written 100 Jokes in a single day?
 Possibly we do not take our pro- fessional jokes seriously enough. We do not remember that the jest that may or may not delight and enthraII us is the earnest production of a business man with whom joking is an arduous and solemn profession. The man who admits that he has acquired a house and lot on an output of 25,oo0 jokes has claims to recognition as an earnest and industrious citizen. One
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21
COM E HOM E.

By Arthur Hugh Clough' Como home, come home; and where is
 home for me, Whose ship is driving .o'er the trackless
 "a? To frail bark here plunging on it's
 y, To th wild waters shall turn and say. You>ere my home? Fields once I walked Tn, faces once I
 knew, Familiar things so old my heart believed
 them true; These far. far back, behind me lie; before The dark clouds mutter, and the deep
 seas roar. And speak to them that meath and OCT
 them roam, No word of home. Beyond the clouds. beyond the waves
 that roar, There may indeed. or may be not, shore Where fields as green and hands and
 hearts as true The old forgotten semblance may renew. And offer exiles driven far OCT the salt
 sea foam Another home. But toll and pain must wear out many
 a day, And days bear weeks. and weeks bear
 months away, Ere, If at all, the weary traveller hear. With accents whispered is his way
 worn ear A voice he dares to listen to, say Come to thy true home. Come home, home home! And where a
 home hath he. Whose ship is driving OCT the driving
 sea? Through clouds that mutter and OCT
 waves that roar, Say, shall We find, or shall we not.
 shore That is. as is not ship or ocean foam Indeed our home2
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21
THE LIMIT,

From the Chicago News.
 My husband is the meanest man in seven states, sighed the meek little woman.
 Tn what way?" asked her bosom friend.
 Why, l told him that if he would stop smoking those awful cigarettes I would buy him all the cigars he could smoke in the next year."
 And was he satisfied. my dear?"
 Satisfied? Well, l should say not He actually had the cheek to ask me if l would paper the walls with the bandsi"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21
ON THE OUTPUT OF HUMOR

IS not surprised when he treats his occupation as one of patient and laudable endeavor and speaks of 1t with pride and sentimental feeling. It is well to forget the theory of the twelve original jokes and give him due credit Tor the ingenious mind which enables hlm to develop so abundant a garden from such small beginnings
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21

MT. Foraker. It is thought that na- tional issues may defeat MT. Burton, who has heretofore been strong before the people.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21

Senator Tom Platt is not saying a word about Postmaster General Mey- CTS parcels post plan, and he proposes to defeat it no doubt in the customary underground way.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21

Uncle Sam will not get back the money he loaned to the Jamestown exposition, but he will gain some ex- perience. He will know more when the next applicant bobs up serenely.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.

From the New York Press.
 When you speak of a girls hair as locks she knows you have ideals.
 A woman doesn't think much of a present unless 1t is tied up in a pink ribbon.
 What makes & woman suspicious of the butchers honesty is her husband isn't.
 When the cold weather begins you can save on ice bills for the benefit of the coal man.
 wouldn't know what to do with It. but his family would.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21

Colonel Watterson sees that he can not nominate Ton Yonson of Minne4 sota for President, and so he has quit politics and gone to roost
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21

Conservative men, armed with facts, have contended all along that prohibi- tion was a farce. Now comes Miss Phoebe Cousins, distinguished tenn perance leader, who says: q am against prohibition for the simple req son that it does not prohibit"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21

Some doctors say almost any disease can be cured by sleeping out of doors, but no surgeon is willing to admit that appendicities can be cured in that in expensive way.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21

Fashionable women in New York have discarded the hat pin and are now carrying canes.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21

The noble red man will not suffer hereafter, for two of his race will rise up in the United States senate to de- fend him.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21

Society is awaiting with impatience the second inning of the Thaws, which is to be played in public, as the law reQuires.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21

The Wins probe in New York city seems to be fully as incisive and eff fectual as the Hughes probe, which made it's inventor governor.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21

Let the fly screens remain in place until the first killing frost occurs The frosts we have had were not of that sort.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21

A hot box in powder mill is the worst misfit the world has ever known.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21

The insidious cocktail has not thus Tar marred the Taft triumphal quest.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21

When the President jumped into the lake on frosty morning he put him. self in Fairbanks shoes for the mo- ment.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21

China took from this country in 1906 pianos to the value of $150,000.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21

Powder factory towns are losing their popularity among those who de- sire quiet, safe retreats.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21

The weather man is accommodating. ly throwing about us a few days of Indian summer,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21

An observant Frenchman travelling in this country has discovered that wom- an Is the real boss in America.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21

The Taft hypnotism in the Philip pine assembly is not warranted to last.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21

From Boston to Denver cities are bidding for the republican national convention.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21

And Christmas presents are to go up also. This is the last unkindest boom of all
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21
About Persons.

| Col. John w. Tomlinson will leave to- day for Chicago to attend the National | Civic federation. Tomorrow Colonel Tom linson addresses that body. | Frank Hamilton of Meridian arriveS in Birmingham last night to assume charge of the overall factory to be operated here in the immediate future. The president of the concern is Louis Cohn, brother to the president of the overall factory in Meridian
 John w. Abercrombie president of the 1 University of Alabama, spent Saturday and yesterday in Birmingham. Affairs at the university were reported in an excellent condition. Dr. Abercrombie stated that work on the three new build ings authorized by the trustees and the building commission. would be begun ia the immediate future. Dr. .Abercrombie considers the erection of these buildings the beginning of the Greater Univer- sity.'
 A. F. Gwin. formerly night clerk at the Florence hotel will accept a position beginning today with a well known tall bring company. He will be in the shoe department.
 D. l.. Rosenau, prominent Tuscaloosa merchant was registered last night at the Hllman. We are preparing for big winter trade. Fall trade Is good. While prohibition will hit us a severe blow, as far as finances are concerned, Tuscaloosa Is on too solid a foundation to suffer permanent injury
 E. J. Cain of Wetumpka Is registered at the New Florence. Mir. Cain was at one time a popular University of Alabama student, a member of the class of 19s.
 Henry Fitts of Tuscaloosa, we'll known attorney e --.rr city. was registered at the New Morris.
 Edwin C. Eckels of Washington is at the New Morris.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21

In polite circles yellow dog fund is called a contingent fund.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21

Col. John W. Tomlinson will leave to- day for Chicago to attend the National Civic federation. Tomorrow Colonel Tom linson addresses that body.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21

Henry Fitts of Tuscaloosa, well known attorney e --ar city. was registered at the New Morris.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21

Edwin C. Eckels of Washington is at the New Norris.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21

Entered at the Birmingham. Ala postoffice as second-class matter under act of Congress March 3. 1879.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21

E. J. Cain of Wetumpka Is registered at the New Florence. Mir. Cain was at one time popular University of Alabama student, a member of the class of 1908.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-10-21

Washington Bureau Age-Herald. 14f1 C street, N. W.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1907-10-03

nursed and petted and grow stronger
and harder to kill every day. They are
drawn outfits quarrels Pm talking
about now, not chickens-they are
drawn out day after day until love
grows tired and slips out the front
door, never perhaps to return. And
all for what? Just little too much
pride. just a little too much stiffness
of the neck, just little too much
derned fool stubbornness. That's it..
Hes wrong, and l won't give in"
That's what you say. No doubt that's
what he says And so you go on with
the corners Of your mouths turned
down and the ends Of your noses turn
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1907-10-03
Tried IL.

What" cried genial Popkins. slap
ping his friend .Jobson OH the back.
You are in love with Maud Dawson
and too bashful to propose to her!
Think shame of yourself. man! Just
you follow my plan. | was out walk
ing one night with a lady, who is now
my wife, and we came to jewelers.
shop, and pointed to the engagement
rings in the window and said,
Wouldn't you like one of theseT and
she said Yes and so it was all set
tied"
Capital idea cried the bashful Job
son. "Ill try it this very night"
Twentyfour hours later the two
friends met once more.
"Well, Jobson," cried Jopkins, did
the plan work?'
Work" groaned Jobson. 81 should
think it did. Just listen. took Maud
along High street and stopped at Gold
STEMS, the jewelers., and | pointed to
the engagement rings in the window
and asked her if she would like one.
and she smiled and blushed and put
her hand on my arm and said. oh. yes,
dear George: would like that one
and that one was 10 guineas"-Lon.
don Tit-Bits.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1907-10-03
His Surprise,

"Do you know" he said. that was
almost overcome with surprise the first
time ever saw your
81 noticed" she replied, that you
seemed to be considerably flustered."
Eyes. For moment l was speech
less. You see, had heard great deal
about you. Your friends had begun
six months before we met to plan to
bring us together"
Il don't see what that could have had
to do with the surprise you say you
felt when you saw me for the first
time"
"Why, l found you to be SO beautiful
and you were dressed with such eXqui-
site taste"
Indeed. suppose my friends as
you call them, had given you to under
stand that was hOmely and trump.
So kind of them, | am sure"
"Oh. no. They never did so. as
sure you-at least didn't do so inten-
tionally. But they did keep telling me
right along that you were very intel
lectual and deeply interested in public
affairs. "-Chicago Record-Herald.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1907-10-03

1ut your tTmS tIOuHu times n Ow their
' ''''"' te.lpers to blind
them to the old reliable. never fail
ing method that they have had copy
righted since the days of Ms Adam.
It's an Old saying that II takes two
to make quarrel. and there's an
other almost as old-that 1t takes
but one to end it. Poth are equally
true, but when it comes to closing up
domestic controversy Il woman will
succeed where Il man will only get his
foot in deeper and she can do 1t with
out concessions, without humiliation.
by the simple trick of forgetting
That's the stuff that will mend family
jars quicker and more effectively than
anything else. Paste the recipe in
your cookbook. my dear. and take II
look at it every time you get ON the
warpath. So long. little sweetheart
Your affectionate dad,
JOHN SNEED.