davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1907-03-04
FACTS AND FANCIES.

From the Philadelphia Ledger.
Futile.
A Congressman there was who tried to
not accept his salary;
But while he listened for applause, ap-
proving Of his righteous cause,
The only sound that reached him was a
horse laugh from the gallery.
How 20 Get Rich.
Find a railroad worth a million. by bad
management run down;
Get the necessary margin from some
banker In the town;
Buy the road and give a mortgage TO Sc
cure the balance due
Then the golden stream OF fortune viii
come rolling up to you,
Stock and bond for twenty millions. sell
for cash in blocks 10 suit,
Pay your debts of and be happy with
your nineteen millions loot.
The Code ira France.
''PoUfr' exclaimed the French deputy.
"To your 'pouf I respond 'bahr" hotly
rejoined the one who had been inter
rupted.
OF course. a duel was inevitable then.
Excused.
Excuse me from digging your old
canal" wrote the engineer. At the rate
I am permitted TO go all I could dig
would be grave FOR my reputation"
As there seemed to be some basis for
the allegation, they let him of
The Bamcd Bidder.
Certainly, YOU may have the contract
FOX the canal"
With nothing but this assurance. the
bidder went ahead with his preparations.
The next day he was informed that
there would be no contract
But you promised it," he exclaimed,
with some heat
Don't say that was the return, "un-
less you want 90 lind yourself a member
of the Ananias Club. 1t was I'm view of
some such rashnass that we have put
you on the waiting list OF that organiza-
ton.
So the bidder had 60 take his medicine.
which was all he got out OF the trans
action.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-04
CAPITOL GOSSIP.
The Senate on sunday.


The august Senate Of the United States
was kept in merry mood nearly all Of yes
terday by Mr.. Carmacks quip and jest
and persifiage. The Tennesseean, who
lays aside the toga to-day at noon. con-
tinued his fight on the ship-subsidy bill,
and during the course Of his performance
he stirred the dignihed- Frye 70 a
somewhat indignant protest against the
dissertation Of the holy Sabbath day.
The Senate and the crowded galleries
had been kept IN a constant litter all
morning and afternoon by Mr.. Carmacks
jolly jibes. and when II became evident
to the veteran statesman from Maine that
one of his pet measures was doomed TO
defeat, he rose in righteous wrath against
the Lords day being devoted TO frivolity
Ehis reused the ire of the Tennesseean -
who is red-headed, anyhow, and is as
ready for a fight as a frolic-and he
hurled back at the devoted head Of Mr.
Frye bolt that Jared the rafters.
Il suspect" said Mr.. Carmack, that
the solicitude of the Senator from Maine
over the proper observance of the Sab
bath would not be so pronounced If he
did not realize that the ship-subsidy bill
| is doomed TO defeat"
Mr.. Frye attempted to reply, but Mr.
Carmack cut him Of Short by shouting;
Il decline to yield 10 the Senator from
Maine
The Senate gasped and the galleries
guhawed. Never before had MIR Frye
been thus treated within the recollection
/ of this generation of Senate habitues.
The statesman from Maine grumbled
ominously for while, but # was not
| long before he and Senator Carmack were
shaking hands, and it was agreed that
their fiery little tilt should be expunged
/ from the record.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-04
A FAITHFUL SERVANT.
Ethan Allen Hitchcock's Good work
rs Secretary of Interior.

Prom the New York sun.
After serving a brief time as Minister
and Ambassador to Russia. Ethan Allen
Hitchcock entered President McKinley's
Cabinet as Secretary of the Interior on
December p, 1SgS. For more than eight
years he has given to his fellow-citizens
an example of earnest and conscientious
effort rarely equaled. and perhaps never
surpassed, by any in the nations his
tory His work has been free from any
form of sensauonaHsrn, Quietly, faith
fully. and without parade or ostentation,
he has devoted to his country the best
that was in him, ripened judgment. an
finching integrity, and tireless diligence.
Retiring from the public service, Mr..
Hitchcock carries with him two splendid
trophies. One of these is the bitter en-
nifty of the many Iawbreakers whom
he has brought 10 punishment or started
on the road to punishment for their
crimes and the vicious antagOnism Of
tricksteTs whose schemes he has fOiled
by his courage and fidelity. The other IS
the esteem, respect, and affection of those
thousands who have come into personal
contact with him, and the approval of
the millions who know him only through
his work.
Across the long and unsullied record Of
Ethan Allen HitchcOcks public life the
country he has so we'll and ably served
writes. well done. good and faithful
servaEtr'
The Washington herald., 1907-03-04
Judge Harrison,s RnIine.

From the New York sun
At a time when much twaddle about
the ''unwritten law" is being dispensed.
the remarks Of Judge Harrison, of Vir-
GINA. have q double value Worthy per
sons are not wanting who actually be-
lieve that The preservation Of society
requires the exception of certain deeds
from the restraints and punishments pro
vided by the statutes. The "unwritten
law spells no law, and means the eIeva-
ton of every person into Judge. jury, and
cxecutoner It is worth noticing that
the individuals who disregard the con-
stituted authorities in settling their own
disputes show small desire to accord the
same liberty 20 their neighbors.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-04
Let the Knocking Cease

We have deplored from the first the
clamor and fuss stirred up concerning
the proposed great naval pageant at the
jamestown Exposition. For those who
throw cold water upon this splendid en-
terprise we have had more pity than
scorn. out We have watched their gyra-
tons with sorrow and distress. for all Of
that
We feel sure, however that all objec-
ton viii be withdrawn to naval and milf
tary displays when the announcement sinks
into the minds Of the reformers that the
Ancient and Honorable Artillery of Bos-
ton, viii be on hand TO keep the peace,
and see that all goes forward with that
dignity the assembled nations have the
right to expect upon that momentous
occasion. Yes. indeed; that splendid and
truly gorgeous organization is TO be right
there in all Of its glory and fame. New
uniforms are being made for the event,
respondent with even more gold lace
than formerly, and fairly dazzling with
carmine trimmings and brass buttons
Swords are being FURNISHED and brighten
cd up. and the other accessories and &C
couternents belonging or in any wise ap-
pertaining to an Ancient and Honorable
Ar;ilIerymen are likewise being newly
fashioned for the happy day now close at
hand
The province Of the Ancient and Hen
orable Artillery is not to fight but 10
shine! Theirs is a peaceful organization
that neither barks nor bites These ar
tilleryfaen live for the purpose Of scatter
ing good cheer, content, and happiness,
and are only warriors by courtesy and sol
diers because it pleases them to call
themselves such. Their presence at the
jamestown Exposition simultaneously
with the monster battle ships Of the world
insures a jolly good time for every one
without a thought or word of war Why.
even the EmperOrs Of Russia and Japan
might meet under the auspices Of the An
cient and Honorable Artillery, abide to-
gether in peace and concord. and never
have Tor each other one unkind or harsh
The Washington herald., 1907-03-04
Ronr- of Mouth warrlors.

From the San Francisco Cali.
Wars and rumors of wars. OF comfort
let no man speak. Capt. Richmond Pear
son Hobson is talking through his bellg-
erent hat Senator Perkins has nailed his
colors to the mast that once he sailed
before He hurls the loud defiance and
is ready TO sign articles Honduras has
started in to whip Nicaragua between
drinks Cuba threatens to declare war on
the United States If we don't provide
offices for every blessed horse thief on the
much-vexed island. The hurry burly roars
terribly.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-04
MONDAY. MARCH g. 1907.
congress-Adien. Good Friends!


To-day our friends Of Congress depart
f,om us. They scatter TO all parts of
the land. Some are TO return. Others
90. not to come back. We shall miss
them all Never be it said Of us that
We ever complained Of having Congress
on our hands. Not we! We should Ike
Congress on our hands all the year round.
Il is good for Congress to be here. and
it is good for US II enables us to see
ourselves as Congress sees us, and per-
chance profit by it.
Sometimes looking through a glass
Garkly, seeing things that we. for the
life of us, cannot see, Congress troubles
US But is it only for the moment. We
know Congress likes US as we like Con-
Eress. We feel that Congress has our
good at heart always. We are convinced.
too, that Congress is proud Of this grand
Capital in which we live and move and
have our being When Congress storms
ut Us and calls us bad names; when
echoes of denunciati0n revcrberate
through the Capitol-when these things
occur to wound us. as often they do. We
tell ourselves that Congress. after al.
really does not mean IT, We all have
cur bad days and our bad nights, do we
not? Congress does not uniformly sleep
we'll and enjoy its breakfast and come
down 10 business bright and smiling and
AT peace with all the world. So we make
fair allowance every time. We try TO
boar in mind the fact that we-the Dis
trict Of Columbia-are here under Con-
G. az IN
most natural thing i'm the world for Con-
gress to rail at us when Congress must
rail at something or somebody. There
are plenty of other extenuating circum-
stances, also. OF course, We would
rather Congress would not do tive
would be much happier if Congress would
never get up with bad taste in its
mouth and make us the subject Of its
painful tirades-bUt, after all, Congress
is human. Only our feelings are hurt
worth mentioning we soon forget it.
Congress is our friend-our guide phileso-
pher. and friend all the time-and we are
Congress friend. We are bound together
by ties that cannot be broken. We pro-
pose TO stand by Congress. in session and
out, FOR we know that Congress. in the
end. ear be depended upon to stand by
as. Il is a friendship stanch and true.
As we have already said. We shall miss
cur good friends Of Congress. We are
sorry to see them so-yes, we are, truly
And We know they will miss us. They
cannot help missing us. As they scatter
over this broad and glorious country of
ours, they will, we are sure, have only
pleasant memories of us. and viii be for
ever singing our praises telling of the
beauties of the Capital, the comforts we
enjoy. the advantages here not TO be
found in other cities-an of which, to its
everlasting credit, Congress has gen
erously helped to provide, and for which
the country. no less than the District of
Columbia. will be everlastingly grateful
And so We wish for Congress a pleasant
vacation. To those who are coming back
and those who viii stay at home, we
extend our heartiest Fluctuations.
Good-by, and God bless you, Congress.
God bless you, one and ALL
The Washington herald., 1907-03-04

It would be putting il in n trite way to
say that the resignation of the Hon. John
.C. Spooner is a distinct loss TO the United
States Senate II is more than that 1t
is a distinct loss to his State and the ma
ton.
The country can i'll afford to lose it's
Spooners from public life. There are few
.of them-tOo few, we regret to say
Here is a man who is every inch a Sena-
tor. The Senate did not make him. Such
men as he make the United States Sen
ate-give to it it's pre-emlnence as a
legislative body. lie came into national
councils equipped in surprising degree.
fitted for any duty that might be his 10
perform. and he has performed his every
duty with fidelity and honor
Twice having declined Cabinet port
folios. first as Secretary OF the Interior
and then as Attorney General-tenders
made him by President McKinley-now he
finds that ne must retire to private life,
and for his remaining years give his IN
divided attention 10 personal interests.
OF the Hon. John c. Spooner, or of any
such man of signal and commanding
ability. it may truthfully be said that pub
lie service involves personal sacrifice. In
his case it is a sacrifice he can no longer
afford to make, and so the country loses
the benefit Of his legislative and his con
structive wisdom
Under the circumstances, we can only
deplore it-deplore it in the fuilness Of all
sincerity-and wish for him a career in
private life happily and prosperously
rounded out as is his riehIy-deserved p0r-
ton
The Washington herald., 1907-03-04
NO CHECK TO BUSINESS.
Reasons for Thinking Money Rates
VIII Not Go Lower.

From the Manufacturers Record
Whatever may be the temporary condi-
tons OF business within the next few
years by reason Of the inability OF the
railroads 20 carry on a broad campaign
of development, we have before us the
certainty that the growth of this country
will continue far in excess OF anything
which We can now see in the way OF
transportation facilities. It is possible
that the persistent agitation against the
railroads may initiate against their find
ing the needed capital for great expan-
sion. This may temporarily cause some
slackening in trade interests. but should
this come about it will of necessity be
only temporary. and the succeeding Pc
Rod of activity will be as much greater
than the present as the power and mo-
mcntum Of our increase in population and
Of the worlds material advancement is
greater than what We have had in the
past. The man who wants 10 prepare
for the future must broaden his horizon
and look out upon the world activities
and see that the conditions which now
surround Us are entirely unlike anything
In history
The railroads are complaining about the
increased cost of money, and In some
cases are unwilling u pay the higher
price which money is commanding. Some
are overlooking certain fundamental facts
20 which attention has repeatedly been
called. These facts are that there is such
an advance going on throughout the
world. coincident with steadily rising
prices and higher labor cost, due in part
to the WORLDS activity and in part to the
enormous increase In gold production. that
money viii command a higher rate Of in
Ierest- As labor and agricultural and
manufactured products have for some
years been advancing in cost, so money
has been doing the same The bankers
and the railroad people have largely been
waiting for decline in money. but in
stead of that money is advancing, or. ex-
pressed in another way. a higher rate Of
interest must be paid in order to secure
money
The Washington herald., 1907-03-04
Our "HeIlo. Nuisance.

From the Boston Herald
Ambassador Bryce has a horror Of the
telephone. SO say we all of us. It is the
implacable foe Of retirement and fatal to
repOse. It keeps US all eternalIy within
speaking distance of everybody whether
it is desired 10 be on speaking terms
with everybody or not It's tinkling
bell and hello break in upon us without
warning or ceremony, and no occasion is
so solemn or sacred as to enable us TO
evada the summons. It's an eternal nui-
sance and a bore. But who wants to get
along without It? Nobody, not even the
British Ambassador at Washington, we
guess.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-04
Disappearance of the Millionaire.

From the Brooklyn Eagle
The word Millionaire came in to our pro-
fessed fiction about twenty years ago, and
from there it quickly crept into another
branch of imaginative literature, our po-
liticaI sociology. And now it seems there
amt no SIGH person, as Betsy Prigg
might say. II Mr.. Rockefeller is worth
only paltry third of a billion, where
shall We look for billionaires? 1t is sad
to lose such an interesting type, such a
cornerstone Of the social mOraiities. and
such a fruitful source of profitable maya
zine copy. One OF Mrs. Whitney's shrewd
Yankee women somewhere says: Good
looks are snare, especially to those as
hasn't got EN-" So are billions.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-04
Honor for NTcCnIIn.

An unyielding policy Of Senator Cullom
as chairman Of the Committee on Foreign
Relations has been to hold up all bills
having for their object the enactment Of
the special legislation required before an
American citizen can receive an honorary
award from foreign government or pc
tentate As a result of the Illinoisan' S
course. there are now pending in his COM
mittee several hundred proposals which.
if granted, would permit that number Of
Americans to wear decorations conferred
by Kings and Emperors. Mr.. Cunom
varied from this policy yesterday under
circumstances of an unusual character
Capt AIcCalla, who not long ago was re-
tired from the navy after many years Of
distinguished service, was offered by the
Emperor Of Germany the decoration Of
the Order Of the Double Eagle. one Of
the most highly priced awards within the
gift of the Kaiser Capt MCCalla has
been in failing health ever since his re-
tirement and now lies dangerously I'll at
San Diego Cal Some Of the gallant old
sea fighters family wrote letters to Sen
ator Cuilom recently, telling of the Off
GERS condition and relating how he
wished TO receive this distinguished mark
Of recognition before he died. MIR. CullOm
hurriedly framed the enabling act in the
closing hours Of the session yesterday
and rushed the bin through. Thus Capt
McCalla will have pinned upon the breast
Of his shroud the decoration of the order
of the Double Eagle. an honor that has
fallen to few Americans and one that is
regarded by soldiers everywhere Of fnesti-
mable value as evidence of their valor.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-04

one Of the representatives OF France, and
doubtless awoke an approving response
in the minds Of the delegates from other
powers.
During the past nine years, however, the
struggle for sea power has become so de-
termined and so costly as to detract ma
terially from the present truthfulness Of
Gen. Won Schwarzhoff's assertion The rev.
enues Of Germany are insufficient for her
expenditures, and she faces a deficit Of
S5O,OO0, 0O0 which must be met by loan.
Japan Is compelled to borrow at high
rates of interest, the finances Of Russia
are in chaos. and even the United States,
perhaps the most able Of all the nations
20 bear a heavy military burden, IS
spending more than its income. England
has been forced to reduce her military
and naval expenditure. and stands ready
to reduce it still further, according to
Premier Campbell Bannerman, if a sim
liar disposition is manifested elsewhere.
Sir Henry's surmise that the point OF
economic exhaustion is nearer than it was
in 1898 seems justified. In view of the
facts presented by the budgets of the
powers.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-04

From the Boston Transcript
1Ir. Shaw. thel by going TO New
York, withdraws from the great Presi-
Dental race. The list of Republican can
di5ates Is shorter by one than before his
decision was made. It may be narrowing
down TO the point where the party will
have to look around to see who it can
get to take the place, anyhow.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-04
MANKND's LAST UNsHARED JOY.

Women have better time than men.-G. Il
Sims,
Alas; too true that womankind
Has much the better time in life,
Man farcs forth to his daily grind,
But no such exile has his WIFE
One stays at work-his boss insisting
While t'othrr HES away bridge whisting.
But though most joys the fairer sex
Have seized upon theirs by right
They have not fully cleared the decks
One mannish joy. like standard bright,
Remains upon mans flag ship waving
His ancient Injury Of shaging
Denver Republican.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-04
straus Was watchfuI.

al of the Presidents Cabinet ministers
were al their posts yesterday in obedience
10 an Executive order TO DO so. In order
that they might properly inspect Iegisla-
ton affecting their several departments
that was rushed through at the tail end
of the session, and some of them visited
the Senate and occupied seats on the floor
in that chamber through nearly the entire
session. Conspicuous among tine latter
was the Hon. oscar Straus, the new Sec
rotary Of the Department of Commerce
and Labor Mr.. Straus arrived at the
Senate at an early hour and watched very
closely from Il seat on the Republican side
every movement made. He joined most
heartily, and at times almost boisterouSly,
in the laughter created by Senator Car
mack's humorous sallies anent the ship
subsidy bill. and left the chamber with
his sides shaking as if be had too much
respect for the august Senate 10 give way
To laughter in its presence. Secretary
Straus scanned very closely every bin and
amendment thereto pertaining 20 his de-
partment. and frequently was observed 20
make elaborate anuotations on some Of
the bills that were handed to him for in
spection.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-04

Weary and Wishful Of the woods We hear
The whispers Ct the leaves Of Arden stealing
Down the dull ways q sense with Better cheeri'
Or strain 70 catch a sweet and tiny peaiing
The cldn bells Of Puck ard all his hne,
Ard watch the lights Of SpTingtide clear growing,
And smell the violet apd the Cgiautine,
an love with Love- and fun and frolic flowing.
Darkeu our day-dreams, and the air strikes chill.
And shadows huge ard fogmless 90 Adjoining
And moments are when Life and Death stand still
Before Lord Rates inex0able doonIing;
Shakespeare. or mu1mrrIng night or morning song.
Always thyself ebideth calm and strong,
-Geoge Ii. Clarke, in the Bookman.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-04

thought. or give expression to any word
calculated to wound. worry, or annoy.
Wherefore. we say that it is high time
for the guardians of the peace situation
to cease from troubling and the anxious
ones to be at rest. All Is well, and not
breath or a whisper shall be heard that
might In even the remotest manner dis
turb the tranquility Of the occasion anent
which such hullabaloo has been set in
motion, and concerning which so many
sleepless nights have come. The truly
glorious and justly renowned Ancient and
Honorable Artillery has once more en-
tered the lists at the happy and psyche
logical moment, and the solution Of an
other perplexing problem has been found.
Mr.. E. Il. Hartman certainly deserves
great credit fer not denying a lot Of
things he knows the commission knows
he knows
The Washington herald., 1907-03-04
Is Hoke Henrr cake.

From the St Loais Post-Dsratch
'In a time when folks are weighed
down by solemn. heavy matters, re-
marks the New York Herald, we should
be grateful 20 the GeUrgians who have
entered Hoke Smith as candidate
for President" Isn't H0ke Smith heavy,
solemn natter
The Washington herald., 1907-03-04

You never consider me. Here haven't
seen my mother for a year.
well. for goodness sake send her a
ticket and have her come on.
with wreck every dayi John Jiggins,
your re q brute."
The Washington herald., 1907-03-04
4 Hendy Brand.

From the Kansas City Star.
Abraham Lincoln once said that he
wished his other generals would drink
some OF the whisky that Gen. Grant
drank But he would never have made
the same sort Of remark about the cham
payne that Gen. Grants son drinkA
The Washington herald., 1907-03-04
Congress Dodged the Canal Job.

From the Louisville Courier-Journal
Congress has largely refused to exercise
its right, and to perform its duty. in de-
termining how the canal shall be built.
and has left the work mainly to the Elk
ecutiye. No continuous plan for doing
the work has been adopted. but. instead.
We have had a series of experiments.
which must be said to htsve been failures.
for they have been repeatedly renowned
or changed. That is not the way in when
great enterprise like this should be
managed.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-04
Feminino Statistics

From the Chicago Post
4 statisucian with nothing better To do
has discovered that woman carries from
forty TO sixty miles of hair on her head.
This busy little figurer might nov start In
and give US an estimate on the length of
her tongue.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-04
The s.HnmhIen Rohx.

Representative John Matthew Moore, Of
the Eighth district of Texas. forwarded
to the clerks desk yesterday a petition
received from some of his constituents,
praying for certain reforms in the gov
eminent of the republic. The petition
started thus:
I'VE respectfully petition your humble
body.
And that's what they are beginning TO
think of us in Texas, said Mr.. Moore,
wien discussing the memorial afterward.