The independent., 1907-04-04
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What's it done now?" asked Mr..
Hennessy
9TH latest thing" said Mr.. Dooley
''ls weighin tn human soul. A fellow
up in Massachusetts has done it. He
weighs ye befure we die an he weighs
We after We die. an tn diff renee is
what ye'er soul weighs. He's discov-
cred that tn ay'rage weigh iy soul
in. New England is six ounces or lit
tie less. Firm this he argies that tn
conscience isn't part iv tn soul. If 1T
was tn soul wud be in tn heavyweight
class, fr In New England conscience
is no feather. He thinks it don't es-
cape with III soul, but lies burrid-in tn
rooms iv its own family home. tn liver
ITS so simple it must be true. an
if it amt true anyhow it's simple.
But it's a tur-rble thing to think iy
/ can't see amy money in it as an in
vintion. Who'll want to have his soul
weighed Suppose ye'er time has
come TIL family ar-re busy with their
own thoughts. grieyn' because they
hadn't been as good to ye as they
might, heeause they won't have ye
with thin amy more, because it's too
late fr thin to square thimselves
pityin' ye because ye-er not remainln
to share their sorrows with thin, won
dhrin whether tn black dhresses that
were bought in honor iv what peoplt
might say il they didn't wear thin in
mimry iv Aunt Eliza, wud be noticed
if they were worn again f'r ye. IN
very young Numbers iv tn family ar-re
standin around, thryin' to look as sad
as they think they ought to look. But
they can't keep it up. They nudge
4, tyanHhaf a around
tn room, an firm time to time they
glance over at Cousin Felix an expect
him to make a laugh'ble face. He's
gr-reat frind iv theirs an they're sur
plised he isn't gayer. Something
must've happened to him. Maybe he's
lost his job. There ar-re gr-reat
nanny noises in tn sthreet, TIL un-
dertaker whistles as he goes by, an
two iv tn neighbors ar-re at tn gate
sayin' what a fine man ye were If We
didn't dhrink, an askin' did ye leave
much.
An little we care. Everything is a
millyon miles away firm we. Fr tn
first time in yeer life ye ar-re ye-rr-
silf. F'r Hiven knows how NANNY
years yeve been somebody else. Ye've
been ye'er wife, ye'er family, ye'er re-
lations. tn pelisman on tn beat, tn
doctor, th' newspaper rayporther, tn
foreman at tn mills tn laws iv tn
land tn bartinder that gives ye
drinks, tn tailor, TIL barber, an pub
lie opinion Th' wurruld has held
loolSin' glass in front iv ye firm tn
dav We were born an compelled We 20
make faces in it. But in this here par
ticular business ye have no wan to
please but ye'ersilf. Good opinyon an
bad opinyon ar-re alike. Ye're akelly
unthroubled be gratichood an revenge.
No wan can help We or stay We. 1ere
beyond tn sound IL tn alarm clock an
tn facthry whistle an beginnin' IN
Big Day Off whin tn man iv science
shakes ye be tn elbow an says: 'Ye've
got TO weigh out An he weighs an
figures: Wan hundherd an forty
siven firm wan ilundhefd an fifty.
Sivcn firm naught can't be done; borry
wan. siven firm ten leaves three. |
find that tn soul iv our late lamintsd
frind weighed a light three pounds
avird >opoise
mo. Sir. il won't do Twill niver be
popylar. People won't have their souls
weighed. / wudden't f'r all tn wur-
ruld have tn wurrud go through tn
ward: Did We hear about Dooleys
soul2 No WHAT They had to get
an expert accountant to figure It's
weight ii was that puny.
"D'ye suppose Dorgan. tn millyon-
aire. wud consint to it?' 'Whin he en-
tered tn race iv life he was properly
Handicapped with a soul to offset his
avarice an his ability, so that some
iv iii res iv us wud have kind iv "a
show against him. But as soon as he
thinks no wan can see him he begins
to get rid iv his weight an comes rom
min home miles ahead. But tn judges
say: Hold on, there; ye'll have TO
weigh out, an a little later a notice Is
posted up that Dorgan Is disqualified
f'r ridin' undherweight In tn matther
a. soul. on tn other hand, there's lit
lie Miss Maddlgan. tn seamstress.
shes an but left at tn post; she's
iostled ali tn way around, an comes
i, lame. a bad last hut she's tn only
wan ~ tn lot that's kept tn weight.
She weighs ninety-slx pounds-six Nv II
helm tea an toast an ninety iv 1t soul.
An amid exclamations " rage fr'm
chancellor Day. who has plunged