The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-01-20

uIHly''l ''lnllDD Author of ''The Digressions of Polly" Honeymoon Conversations" Etc. All Rights Reserved. "Oh, dearw moaned Kitty, dragging me off into a window seat by my coat sleeve. "Come quickly, MT. Curtis and tell me how to--entertain a mn"
 Kitty" I protested. 'Is there any man you can't-I shall call for help? I added. severely. as she unblushingly drew the curtains in front of us and settled her pink organdie ruffies in corner.
 That's what I'm doing" exclaimed Kitty, reproachfully. ''and you won't card in her hand. I've got to go into dinner with a college professor--and I don't know an ology from an isml Suppose he should ask me the square root of the hypothenuse or why Rome fell, or who invented Volapuk!"
 He will be much more likely" I replied, 'to ask you to eat a philopena. or when he may call. or if you like vio- lets or"
 If had only been born a conver- sationa1ist" sighed Kitty. abstractedly chewing the stem of pink rose and treating my remarks with disdain.
 Thank Heaven you wern'tI' I ex- claimed, fervently.
 Tt would be such a comfort" pur- sued Kitty. without noticing me, "to know what to say to all men at all times, upon all topics"
 Tt might be-" I acceded, flor you but not for the men,"
 ''What!' Kitty nearly dropped the mutilated rose.
 There is nothing" explained, catching the rose and gently restor- ing it. that drives the average man to distraction or suicide or a mad de- sire for escape so quickly as the wo- man conversationalist; the woman who always has something to say and keeps on saying it; the woman who has little batteries of scintillating remarks stor- ed away in the center of her brain and sets them off like fireworks for every body's delectation. It's the woman who knows what not to say and when not to say 1t who is the comfort."I added with a sigh.
 And who plays audience most effect lively and gives a man a chance to do his own little monologues" agreed Kitty, scornfully.
 And who doesn't try to take the center of the conversational stage and who never steps on his mental corns." I appended cheerfully.
 And who leaves him delighted with
 
 teach Mark Twain something about wit"
 And feeling so exhilarated," hn- Ished enthusiastically, that he wants to get back to her five minutes after ward"
 And I always believed" reflected Kitty, gazing thoughtfully at the cur tain pole. that a little cleverness was a virtue-even in a woman."
 "A little cleverness," remarked, ad- dressing the curtain pole myself, makes a woman a fool. She's like the man with a little knowledge; she can't help showing off; And there's nothing quite so deadly uncomfortable as the woman who shows off; the woman who is constantly making sucn a strenuous effort to be brilliant that she forgets the person she is talking to and contin- ues flashing her witticisms through a transparent medium composed of his head and body. The conversational game Is like checkers or chess, each player wants his move. The woman who insists on playing solitaire is like ly to finish by playing Old Maid' The most shocking discovery a man can make is that the woman with whom he is talking knows more than he does and can say 1t more quickly and easily It strikes him dumb-but not with ad- miration. What he likes is the sort of woman who has brains enough to see the point of his joke or his story and appreciate 1t. The woman who list ems abstractedly, smiles patronizingly and then proceeds to go him one better leaves him feeling like a wave that has been cut in the middle! He knows he's been checkmated, and he resents it."
 But" protested Kitty, chewing a rose leaf very thoughtfully. its aw- fully hard to pretend you see the point ha- torfA
 What" My eyes dropped from the curtain pole to Kitty with a figurative thud.
 And with some men," she proceeded, ignoring me. "the conversation is bound to be solitaire or a series of painful pauses and agonizing mental gymnastics in your search for some thing to say next, and when ynu do say it you wish you hadn't and-''
 And then you plunge in pGll-mell," |" l interrupted, sympathetically. "and tell everything you know and lots you don't know. until you suddenly dis cover that you are driveling like a phonograph-',
 And that the one thing you really do want to say is 'goodby!' finished Kitty. tragically. And yet" I remarked. leaning back and regarding Kitty from an angle that made her look exactly like a Christmas doll, I've seen you talk for hours with that cheerful idiot from Harvard"
 T wasn't talking Mir Curtis" in- terrupted Kitty hurriedly; "I was merely listening. HE was talking uta-bout-football," Kitty hesitat- ed.
 Anything else2'1 asked, looking at Kitty sternly.
 Kitty bit off a leaf of her rose and looked out of the window.
 Anything else?"I repeated inexor- ably.
 Kitty studied her rose very intently.
 Anything"
 Kitty dropped the rose and got hur- i riedly up from the window seat. ! Never mind! I cried, penitently. "I | know! Your eyes-"
 'Yes 1t was my eyes" broke in Kit | ty warmly. "and my hair, and him self, and his conquests. and his dog, and his automobile, and the fish he'd caught, and the game he's shot, and and"
 And yet you ask me for advtcel' cried reproachfully. as Kitty sank back ! exhausted into her corner. When 8 woman is clever enough 70 hunt around and turn on the conversational cur rent"
 And then can sit back and watch Il shine interpolated Kitty.
 'She can make any man living talk like Ma~@ 4-.--v~ l finished triumph