The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-03-04
Jobson Discourses on Eggnogg

of liquor Mr.. Jobson was intending to
put into the four quarts of milk
Haven't you bit too much liquor
she asked Mr. JObson. I read that
egsnog recipe that you are following.
and il states that 20 a gallon of milk
only one quart Of whisky and pint OF
white rum should be added
j That's all right about the recipe,
| Mrs JObson. said Mr.. JobsOn, toplofti-
~, as he began to break the eggs and
I 10 beat the whites in the bowl before
! beating the yolkS That's a Sunday
1 school kind of sggnog in the recipe.
/ These recipes never mean what they
say as to the amount of liquor to be
put in things. You're not meant to
/ take their statements seriously in that
/ respect. This is going to be man 's-size
| eggnog. not eggnog meant for an eX-
! perience meeting Of the Home Mission
| society. Only one quart of whisky and
1 one pint of rum would get lost in
whole gallon OF miIk-yOur own sense
ought to tell you that There wouldn't
even be an aroma of liquor to the stuff
/ il l only put that much hard stuff in the
] milk. Anyhow. be good enough to re-
member. il you please, that l am man
ufacturing this egsnog. I'm taking all
{ IF ihe responsibility for it, and if any
/ thing goes wrong with it you can come
/ down upon me. as you so much enjoy
doing. with your usual sarcastic re-
marks. But III promise you all the
same, that it'll be the finest eggnOg
you ever tasted. and that there won't
be a headache in the whole two gallons
| of it-not if you drink the whole two
gallons yourself"
Mr.. JObscn spent about two hours
manufacturing the eggnOg, and he had
I an expression of vast pride on his face
when he finally placed the huge crock,
/ filled almost to the brim, out on the
back porch TO cool for twenty-four
( hours.
/ Tn Kaystreefs showed up at the job
son domicile an hour or so after dinner
/ on New Year eve and. over the card
game, they began on the big crock
! along toward 10 O'Clock. 1t was pretty
stiff in fact. there was so much liquor
/ in il that the milk could hardly be
| tasted.
by Jovel but there's bite to
that observed Mr.. Kaystreet, slipping
/ his first glass. and Mr.. Jobson looked
delighted.
Nothing namby- pambyish about
/ that egg-nog, is there?' he said, swell
/ ing up. If Ia ha' listened to Mrs job
son il would have tasted like plain milk
with little spraying of denatured .alco-
/ hol on the top of it. maybe. but ] didn't
4 happen to be listening to Mrs JobsOn
I Wien 1 manufactured llldl Slul. I1dac
! sOrle more"
! Mr.. Kaystreet was delighted to have
some more, and some more after thai,
/ but the two women exchanged glances
Immediately they tasted the egg-nOg,
and. as women in general are consider
ably more regsrdful of the next morn
/ ing feeling" than men. they went very
I light on the beverage, only pretending
70 go to it literally to keep the two
men in good humor
| Mr.. Jobson and Mr.. Kaystreet Tapped
up the eggnog as if it had been lemon
phosphate and by IL O'Clock they were
conversing very loudly and giving ut
terance to the most reckless remarks
Between them they had punished about
a gallon. and they had to pass up the
card game because they couldn't re
member what they had in their hands.
At quarter past II they began vio-
lent political argument, which terini-
mated in Mr.. Jobson's rising TO his full
swaying height and majesticaIly, if Sc
pulchrally, ordering Mr.. Kaystreet from
the house. Mr.. kaystreet, weeping
profuscly, departed, informing all
hands at the door that he had never
been so abused in his life, and that he
Intended To commit suicide in his bath
tub the very moment he reached home.
Mrs. JoDson got Mr.. Jobson into bed
rev minutes latef- ara long before InS
midnight whistles and bells ushered in
the new year Mr. JObson was snoring.
He awOke on New Years morning with
ia horrible groan. his hair standing up
straight and a boil at the end of each
hair. He mOaned for water, and Mrs.
JobsOn gave him some. Then he sat up
I'm bed and glared ct her.
well, you're satisfied now, s'pOse.
that you've got me into this kind of a
fix at the outset of the new year he
growled You're tickled almost foolish
aren't you. to see me in this shape2
After tagging this fool eggnog business
all my life, here I idiotically permit you
to ring the beastiy stuff in on me.
against my will and desire, and, to
make it worse, you deliberately ill the
crock with iDecac or gum arabic or
some other sickening poison for the ex-
press purpose of making a wreck of me
on New Years day. hey? All right,
madam. Do your worst But just you
watch me when 1 get out Of this bed
of pain, that's all I'll start something
around here that-n make you sorry you
ever saw the beginning of the New
Year, and all you've got to do is to
watch me-"