The Garland globe. [volume] (Garland, Utah) 1906-191?, 1907-04-27

John sauntered into my office some |
time ago and sat down without remov.
ing his hat or his cigar.
Good morning Mr.. jones'" I oh.
served. looking up, what L. your
trouble now?"
II simply dropped in to inquire II
you have any acquaintance with Theo-
phrastns Foozlehead, of Pelezoic Villa.
He II suing me for a thousand pounds
for not performing a contract and the
county tssncil are wanting another
because ! nave performed 1t. 1t Is a
Sbrt Of devil or the deN sea compli
cation made more picturesque by the
fact that Foozlehead already owes me
a big account which he won't pay. and
for business reasons / have no wish
90 quarrel with the council"
We'll what is the natter" l asked.
The old fool calls himself an anti
quarian." he continued, buys up old
coins. old armour and all kinds OF his
toric remnants. He lives in the neigh
borhood of an old Roman camp, and
his house is disorderly looking Sec
ton of the British museum. first
met Foozlehead some years ago. He
wanted me to dig hole in his back
garden. He wished to sink pump, he
said. l put gang of men on the job,
and some days after looked In to In
spect. Under Foozle's orders, the
men had dug a hole deep enough to
bury church.
Its very extraordinary saia
Foozle. cant understand It.
Then his face lightened consider
ably and he invited ME to his parlor,
where over a temperate refreshment
he explained the object Of his digging
operations. The explanation was
simply this:
"One evening in the previous week,
he said. an old Roman who had been
living in comfortable grave in the
Camp got up and sauntered over and
rooted him out of bed. and beckoned
him to follow. Foozle only waited to
put on his slippers and followed. The
ghost led the way to Foozles back
garden and pointing to certain spot
with his forefinger, disappeared. Foozle
went back to bed and woke next morn
ing with bad cold, which he had no
doubt the Roman was responsible for.
His slippers, too, showed signs Of the
garden, and the garden itself showed
signs Of the slippers. The Roman left
no footprints, and this negative EVIL
dence proved his presence to Foozle.
Ghosts he said, never do told him
that I had not the slightest doubt that
the ghost had called on him, but hint
| ed that he had been too hasty In act
ing on the advice. My advice was to
stop digging, fill up the hole and warn
all ghosts off the premises. This III
timately commended itself to Foozle.
head, and the investigation ended.
Recently / contracted to build a
six foot wall around his grounds. His
| place lies at an angle of the highway
and two separate roads form part OF
| the boundaries. He had about 30 OBJ
long stones piled up In heaps in his
yards that entered into the bargain on
| their own account. for ! was to build
these into the wall at different points
| selected by Foozlehead. Accordingly
some weeks ago | started my men or
the wall and left them to complete 1t
which they could easily have done
They were proceeding with the worl
when / received this letter from the
county council inspector:
"'Sir, l have to request you within
4S hours to remove or deface the
whole of the unauthorized milestonei
which you have built into Mr.. Foozle
heads wall. If not done, steps will b'
taken to enforce this order
II at once drove to the scene of op
erations and inspected the trouble
Fully half of the oblong stones hat
been embedded in the wall unde
Foozle's directions. A glance at then
showed ME the trouble was pretty seri
Gus. They appeared to be crowd o
aged or superannuated milestones tina
the wretched Foozle had collecte,
from the four ends of the earth
Originally planted they had no doub
represented more or less accurately
the distances to various towns tina
were hundreds of miles apart bu
stuck up together the effect wa
grotesque and to put 1t mildly, mislead
ing. The inscriptions on some of then
brought that fact pretty forcibl
home: Ten miles to London. 'Fiv
miles to Dublin Three miles to Cork
40 miles to York, Is miles to Glas
gow,' and so on, while Dundee
itself that was only six mile
off was represented by one coll
faced liar at $50 miles away
sat down on the opposite sid
OF the road and sent for Foozle. Tn
old lunatic came light-hearted an,
triumphant.
Don't they look nicer he asked.
"'No, they don't, l answered
They've got to be defaced, MI
Foozlehead, and that Immediately"
"'Never!' shrieked Foozle.
"Why, you blockhead,' said
you've quarrel with the count
council already over them, aud a
long as they are there they'll keep 20
in endless trouble. Every tramp wi
pretend you have put him on tn