Mexico Missouri message., 1907-08-08
HIS PREHISTORIC
MAJESTY
reD''' * e KAcSSssT lE gss o'sSos''d

Doc. said the prehistoric king to
his surgeon general, whom he had
summoned TO his paat grand Worship
full presence. whats gnawin' the peo-
PIE OF this reaimY What kind Of a
bug have they got now, huh?"
The physician stood moment be
tween fear and perplexity.
Il don't quite comprehend the ma.
ture OF your maiesty's interrogation"
he ventured at last 10 observe.
whats that? You don't careen TO
my George AIDE breeKe1 Your balloon
jIb don't fill to my jabber gust. heh?
MY advancedthought air currents pass
over your mental top-gallant, do theyf
Well, III see II 1 can yank them down
20 level with your bllge.water intel
lect. What want 10 know IL. what
the dickens aiis nay people? Half OF
'em are so dumnation good that they
give me the saccharine sickness. When
they come into my royal presence they
make me feel IS II had eaten 30
charlotte russes IN 80 minutes.
After four minutes with one OF
these human cream puffs the other
day hustled out to the kitchen for q
din pickle. Then. on the other hand.
the rest of my people are so thunder
In bad there's no gettin' along with
'em At all Seems as ~ the very diei
was IN 'em and they were glad Of II.
To be sure. they're something OF an
improvement ON those animated mo-
ringue puddings that constitute the
E..A 80 ssna
cality becomes irksome when you
have to wallow through II eight days
in the week.
Now, then, Dec, it's up to you TO
peek into the pack and get wise as to
why people amt built on less monot-
onous lines. Why did I.pay rs hard
earned bucks to run up through a med.
teal college in 60 days and buy you n
diploma printed In a dead and buried
language7 What Go give you your
clothes and keep for II It amt to have
you cure me OF that tired feeling my
ornery subjects give met
DO you savvy what I'm driving at?
want you TO get q squirt on you and
find out how to make folks sort up
little eFener; and I'm In a hurry about
It. too"
Il think perceive" said the physl-
clan. backing to the doorway. where
he gracefully salaamed.
Thereupon his majesty kicked him
out and slammed the door. the while
he chuckled merriIy TO himself for
that he. had performed an exceeding
meritorious pun.
The next day the surgeon begged
audience Of the king, saying that he
had diagnosed the case Of the people
and was prepared to make his report.
LET 'erl flicker" the king command.
ed. seating himself upon the arm OF
his throne'and drawing hts purple robe
about his bare legs. for the spring was
shy and backward that year.
Your majesty" the physician be-
gan. Il find the dIathetic conditions OF
your people to be both pathological
and"
Come or" the king interrupted.
you talk Ike subway engineer.
Who knows what the deuce 1t means?"
Il find" the doctor began again,
shat the trouble with your people Is
in their blood. Some OF them have
only white corpuscles, and this makes
them rather too good. while the rest
have only red corpuscles, which makes
them rather too bad. II I may venture
a suggestion, your majesty"
Hold onl DO you venture II rs q
physician or ~ member OF the board
OF estimator"
."As a physician, your majesty"
Very well, then: go ahead"
Il would suggest that you issue q
royal ukase commanding the good and
the bad people Of the realm to inter
marry. This would bring aboat com
mEngling Of the two kinds Of blood
and IN q few generations you would
have a race In which good and bad
would be pretty evenly distributed Ia
each Individual"
There you 10" shouted the king
Il was afraid you were going 10 tall
like board member. Dye think I'm
gninE 20 wait several generations foI
this new order Of things? Dye thinh
I'm goin' to deal four aces to posterits
and take q pair O. deuces for myaelf'
Not much. Mary Ann, I'm out for tbs
Joyous Nov with cap n. Me for tbs
gladstone present. the iiesting Already
Yet Look herel You tros out YOU
cuntrapliona for bleeding folks and &C.
busy. Just draw half the blood on
Of the good people and half out OF ths
bad people. and awap 'em over. aavvy'
want you 70 pump half white blood
into the strenuous onea and half REQ
blood into the mollyeoddles. and strik'
and average, Seer
hut both sides win object to that
your majesty"
LET 'em object II you're 50 meal,
about II yom can stick up sigma IN tn
street. telling sem Il Amt your doings
Lay il On on me II you like. but get
80 on Ynn ana Do hualneaa. Qlaar on