The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-12-16
From the Washington Star.

ordered on his way to work in the morning banked up on the pavement near the curb in front of his domiciie, he rushed into the house with his arms swinging like fails and his breath work ing jerkily.
 Mrs. Jobson met him in the vestibule. He glared at her, and for d moment he appeared to be at a loss as to how to begin,
 Well" he said, finally, in his hoarsest tone, did they get married on the last page and go off to shooting box in Scotland to- live, with all of the ancient retainers of the lief out for a lawn party?'
 Mrs. Jobson gazed at him blankly.
 You haven't taken cold, have you, my dear, and the cold developed into a fever?'' she inquired of him.
 ''No,1 gurgled MT. Jobson, 'I haven't taken cold, and l am not suffering from floating kidney, nor cirrhosis of the ear drum, nor housemad's knee, nor any thing whatever of that or any other character. I'm asking you a plain question:. Did those two yaps you've been reading about all day in the oeher-
 
 what I'm trying to find out"
 But" said Mrs. Jobson, you utterly bewilder me with such question. I haven't the least idea in the world what you mean by"
 Or, maybe cut in MT. Jobson, you've spent the day with that fool, lazy woman around the corner, playing peanut pinchole for the ginger pop. Or maybe you've been sleeping all day n Or maybe you've been moping around all day with your hands in your lap, twiddling your thumbs. Whatever you've been doing, come here and look at this.' and Mr Jobson opened the vestibule door that he had closed upon entering and pointed dramatically to the heap of coal lying on the pavement in front of the house.
 'Well?" said Mrs Jobson. ''Oh it's we'll is it?" inquired MT. Jobson. You consider 1t all right, do you? I suppose your idea is that that coal, that I have to pay through the nose for, ought to be suffered to lie out there on the asphalt for a couple of weeks till 1t gets seasoned? Maybe you've got the notion that rained-on coal is all the candy for Furnaces, is that it? Or maybe you'd like half the dinges of Washing ton to be traipsing around here in the middle of the night, each of 'em carry ing a gunny sack, and when they left this neighborhood not leaving me enough coal of those two tons to heat a hot water bag big enough to apply to a bees knee? Is that the way you regard the matter? Because, if it is, why
 "Oh, the coal,' put in Mrs Jobson, finally getting his drift. Why, I'm sure tried hard enough to get hold of colored man to put that coal in, but all of them that passed by here were too busy, and I went all over the block when the coal came and asked colored men l met on the street if they wanted the job, but they all but ran away from me when l suggested work to them, and I'm sure thatAI--"
 "Uh-huh, that's all right about what you're sure about" poked in MT. Jobson. There are a heap of things that I'm sure about myself, and of them Is that this dump is run and managed like canal boat. Why didn't you get the darky that brought the coal here in the wagon to put the coal in the cellar?" 'I asked him if he would" said Mrs. Jobson in reply to that one, "but he said that he was too busy delivering, and that the boss had ordered him not to take any jobs putting in coal for folks until the rush was over, and"
 "Oh, it was pipe that you'd have that kind of a reply ready" broke in MT. Jobson. You're the wriggler, all right, and if I had your inventive faculties I wouldn't have to be worrying about a couple of tons of coal sticking around in the middle of the street all night-Id be writing six best sellers and getting coin to throw at the coal trust. And So you weren't worried even a teenchy bit about that coal out there in the street, hey? Didn't bother you at all, eh? Never gave it a thought? Just willing to let it lie where 1t is until the cows come home, and if the fuel-swipers in Wash- ington swing along and pack it away, why, why, so much the better-thats your view of the thing, hey?"
 "Oh, nothing like that said Mrs. Job son, "only, after doing the best I could to find somebody to put 1t in, why, nat urally, I thought"
 "Oh, naturally you thought!' said MT. Jobson. "Well, you may have thought naturally, but if anybody actually caught you in the act of thinking it 'ud be a 20 to 1 shot that you'd be arrested. You naturally thought that the coal would go and put itself in the cellar for all you cared, and you left it all up to me. That's it, isn't it?'
 "Oh. I never had the least idea that 
 said Mrs Jobson. 'T only thought that, maybe, you'd be ahle to find somebody 10 put it in when you got home-that you'd know. just where to go to find some man who would"
 I'm not on chummy terms with all of the dinges that live in the blind alleys in this neighborhood, madam" clipped in Mir Jobson, "and thatll be about all of that. But it's all right. You get away with it. as usual. I'll put the coal in. And what's more than that, I'll put 1t in before dinner Not a mouthful to eat am I going to have till I get that coal slowed away, and so, if you've got any dinner arrangements going, you might just as well flag lem till you are unable to discern one-quarter of an ounce of coal lying out there in the street with the aid of a deep-sea telescope
 But, my dear" ventured Mrs. Jobson, you can't put in two tons of coal. ma it's wholly unnecessary. anyhow, and you'll get yourself all stiffened up and you'll spoil your clothes, and no doubt. after dinner, m be able to run aroundt myself and find some colored man that's home from his regular work and thatll nut the coal in, and if Pm not, why, you can, if you insist, put some of it in after dinner-'
 "Uh-huh-fine, that would be-" inter rupted Mir Jobson. Eat a heacy din- ner and then, on top of that, hike out and tackle the job of putting two tons of coal into the cellar. That's just like the pinhead I am, suppose. But I'm going to put that coal in right now, madam, and nothing that you can say is going to stop me