The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-04-15
THE PROFESSORS WAY.
By Henry Lewis.

Copyrighted, 1907. D. c. Parcells
 Prof. sweetzer, naturalist for cer- tain New England college, was a little man. He was round shouldered. He was awkward on his legs. He wore goggles for his weak eyes. and he had arrived at the age of fifty-five with out having loved. AS between br%s and beetles and women, the bugs and beetles were ahead. It was only on rare occasions, and when under the stress of excitement, that he took the slightest notice of the other sex. Even when he did sit up and take notice of them he could not have recalled half an hour later what he said or whether they had red hair or black.
 On a certain day 1t came to the ears of Prof. Sweetzer that a portion of the vertebrae of whale had been founu on a farm in Connecticut. He arrived on the spot next day and verified tlfe find. On an occasion, thousands of years before, an old bull whale had decided to take a trip inland, and through some error of Judgment nad left his bones in gravel pit A piece of his backbone six feet long had been uncovered. 4he Professor wanted to excavate for the rest. Where there Is six feet of whale you can take 1t that there Is more. He engaged board at the Widow Webb's and hired a man to wield the pick and shovel, and thus went to work
 The Widow Webb was fat and forty and childless She was worth a stony farm and $500 in cash. A still older sister lived with her. and the farm work was done by a hired man with the good ld-fashioned name of Hiram Stebbins. Hiram was thirty-five and drank nothing stronger than cider, but he thought deeply. One of them was that If he married the widow he would become the possessor of the farm and $500. He had been thinking of thIs and taking the farm work easy when Prof. Sweetzer put in an appearance. Hiram looked at him and grinned. If any one told him that within a week he Would be jealous Of that little, dried up and humpbacked specimen Of humanity he would have -roared with laughter.
 v As soon as the professor had inspect ed the bone and become enthusiastic he was a changed man. He became a fluent talker. He became fatherly toward the widow. He called her "my child" and often took her hand and held it while he tried to make her understand that a whale was cache- lot, and that a cachelot could stand on his tail in the water as we'll as on his head
 When Hiram witnessed the hand holding act he quit grinning. He was mad all that day as he hood corn. He was mad when he came up to supper. He was mad when cae of the cows kicked him at milking time. While the professor took a ramble in search of beetles, Hiram carried the milk into the kitchen and began:
 "Widder Webb, how does 1t feel to have baboon holding your hand?"
 Hiram, what do you mean was demanded.
 'T mean that I have seen you and that little runt of a man squeezing hands a dozen times and neither of you seem to care who stands by. Fell in love mighty quick, didn't you?"
 Look here, MT. Stebbins, you have no right to talk to me this way. You know who the professor is. He's a great man. He taught me more about whales in the last three days than l knew in all my life before. He also knows all about birds and bugs and bees. It's twice as interesting to hear him talk as 1t Is to hear a sermon"
 Has a feller got to squeeze your hand to talk to you about whales?" asked Hiram.
 'He hasn't squeezed it. That's simply his way. He is a fatherly man. When he gets talking he don't know whether he has got hold of my hand or the leg of a chair. You ought to be ashamed of yourself to talk as you do. I always thought there was a mean and jealous streak in you, and now it's come out"
 "Ch, it has, eh?' muttered Hiram "Perhaps If went around looking for the bones of an old whale, I'd be all right"
 T guess 1t would be better than grunting around. You don't>oar for educated folks, but l do. l was born