davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20

tangled In extricable confusion. with
high railroad officials bawling out ex-
plantations that explain nothing, and
excuses that a schoolboy-could excel
for inventiveness, with the slaughter of
helpless passengers going on day after
day, the present methods of operation
rs devised and controlled by the mas
ter minds of railoading are matter.
not for glorification, but for mourning
and repentance.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20

In the library of the Navy Depart
ment is vast quantity of valuable
documents waiting for the man who
shall write the history of the American
navy. Here are many unpublished let
ters Of officers and secretaries and all
manner Of technical Information about
the growth of the battleship and the
development of naval ordnance. Cap
tain Mahan. the greatest authority in
the world on naval history, has said
that he is too old to begin the work.
Perhaps 1t will not be begun, perhaps
all that material will lie untouched,
until some one of our young readers
is grown up and competent to do jus
tice to the subject.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20

Veterans of industry A pretty
phrase and prettlly employed. 1t is
what the Danes call the old people Of
good record who are forced to apply to
the authorities for help. No shame at
taches to such application no ignoble
dependence, corrosive of self-respect,
attends the life which follows. Such
a person enters the home as q sort of
government pensioner.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20

Although said to be richer than
Rockefeller" Mr.. Weyerhauser seems
to be permitted to pursue the even
tenor Of his way, principally because
he refrians from featuring his fellow
men on how to be happy though strug-
Cling for q living
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20
where Warrington Fell short.

Little Edwards father was reading to
him about Washington.
when George was still boy" the
story ran, 'he could throw stone across
the Rappahanock river, and once when
visiting the Natural Bridge in Virginia
he threw pebble to the very top of it,
200 feet"
as that very high?" the child asked.
'Yes, that's very high for boy to
throw"
"As high as this house?"
"Oh, yes, higher"
as it as high as three or four of our
trees If they were on top of one another?"
"Yes, think it is"
Not as high as giant, thought"
much higher than any giant l ever
heard Of"
Higher than the giant that Jack found
up at the top of the beanstalk?"
II should say So"
"But l mean is it higher than giant
as high as six or seven giants as tall as
the highest trees anybody ever heard Off"
well, perhaps not quite as high as a
giant like that"
"Huh !" the boy triumphantly replied,
81 bet you l knew all the time that
Washington couldn't throw us high as
some giants"
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20
WASHINGTON JOKES.

They Are Not Indicative of Waning
Respect for His Country's Father.
The date of the beginning of the Gus
tom of making jokes about that American
we have all agreed to can the Father of
revere beyond that of any other Ameri-
can, in spite of our jests about him, is
lost in obscurity. The earliest, so far as
know, came in at about the beginning
of Washington's birthday celebrations,
and perhaps was, when first perpetrated,
n slip of the tongue, by which some one
inadvertently alluded to the day of the
ablutions of family whose name was
hitherto unknown in that neighborhood.
This joke is still acceptable to boys, who
think it excruciatingly funny and work it
off with great zest every year. have
also. heard it, and recently, on the lips
OF hoary headed men who thought it a
masterpiece.
1t was not till the rise of the profess
sionally funny writer that the original
Washington joke began to flourish. Joke
writer's made money at the industry for
few years, but nowadays they groan in
spirit and sometimes use unconventional
verbalities when a batch of jokes for Feb.
% is ordered, for nothing seems left after
the work of themselves and their fellow
humorists in past years. The funny art
list has. the advantage over the writer,
for by divers tricks of the time he may
make the dullest joke acceptable some
times.
One of the best pictorial jokes re-
N, a,,,har MN n 6ro yvspy chou,ipu q linz
of bent and hoary negro men and women
stretching away in endless perspective, la
beled "Washington's Cooks and Body Ser
wants." A favorite line for the profess
sonal humorists to work out their jokes
on is, Suppose George hadn't told the
truth about the cherry tree?' The rhymes
below show how one chap utilized that
idea and sold his production to the same
paper that published the picture of Wash
ington's trip in 1880:
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20

Dreadful stories are told about the
Gar Nicholas suffering nervous pros
tratlon, but there is not syllable of
well-authenticated evidence that the
numerous assasslnations of the Russian
terrorists have ameliorated in any way
the condition Of the Russian people.
The only effect seems to be the adop-
ton of sterner and still sterner re-
pressive measures. Assassination Is
something that people seem to get hab-
ltuated to SO that they do not mind 1t.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20
washington and civn service.

Like most reforms, that of the civil
service is in part an effort to restore
earlier conditions. To those who believe
that all developments, no matter how con-
scienceless. are onder the law of the sur
vival of the fittest, civil service reform is
a reaction. It's ideal has never been bet
ter stated than by Washington. In let.
ter declining to appoint personal friend
to Office, Washington wrote: MY friend
lis welcome to my house and welcome to
my heart, but with all his good qualities
he is not man of business. His oppo-
nent with all his politics so hostile to me,
is man of business. My private feel
ings have nothing to do with the case.
am not George Washington, but President
of the United States. AS George Wash
ington would do this man any kindness
in my power-as President of the United
States can do nothing" This is the
ideal toward which civil service reform
ers are still pressing forward. For more
than generation it lost its hold upon
the public life of the nation, but, like ev-
cry cause whose defeats have been due to
greed and not to conscience, it revived
again when the forces that were against 1t
seemed to have secured their complete tri-
umph.-Outlook
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20

Some statistician has found that bur-
glars stole from the various banks In
this country during the past year to-
tai of $4,127. He, of course, refers
only to the thieves who broke in from
the outside to do their stealing.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20

A French professor says he is fol-
lowing up clews that.wlll reveal to him
the mystery Of the creation of plant
life. He followed up strong scent
when he chased down the onion.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20
perm that country, where no one went

perm that country, where no one went
afoot except to catch his mount in the
pasture. Every lad, black or white, bond
or free. knew where to find and how to
take the rowing game in the forests. And
young Washington, robust boy that he
was. not to be daunted while that strong
spirit sat in him which he got from his
father and mother alike, took his appren-
ticeship on horseback and in tangled
woods with characteristic zest and ardor.
He was, above all things. capable ex-
ecutve boy. He loved mastery, and he
relished acquiring the most effective
means of mastery in all practical affairs.
His very exercise books used at school
gave proof of it. They were filled, not
only with the rules, formula, diagrams,
and exercises of surveying, which he was
taking special pains to learn, at the ad-
vice of his friends. but also with careful
cories of legal and mercantile papers,
bills of exchange, bills of sale, bonds. In
.dcntures, land warrants, lenses. deeds and
merchants clerk. 1t would seem that
passionate and full of warm blood as he
was. he conned these things as he studied
the use and structure of his fowling piece,
the bride he used for his colts, his sad
die eirth, and the best ways of mounting.
lie copied these forms of business as he
might have copied Beverley's account of
the way fox or 'possum or beaver was to
be taken or the wild turkey trapped. The
men he most admired, his elder brothers.
Mr.. Fairfax, and the gentlemen planters
who were so much at their houses, were
most of them sound men of business, who
valued good surveying as much as they
admired good craftsmanship and skill in
sport. They were their own merchants,
and looked upon forms of business paper
as quite as useful as ploughs and hogs
heads. Careful exercise in such matters
might well enough accompany practice
in the equally formal minuet in Virginia.
And so this boy learned to show in almost
everything he did the careful precision of
the perfect Observation-Disclosures Maya
zine
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20

Don't cheer, boys" plaintively ex-
claims the New York World, poor
thru Is dying! Still, let us not
mourn. It was too feeble and deform-
ed to have wlthstood the buffetings
Of this rude world.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20

The tolling of church bells on the oc-
caslon of burial is based on n. old
pagan custom of banging gongs when
body was to be inferred in order to
scare away the bad spirits.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20

The Chinese, 1t Is said. make 1t a
point of homer to pay all their debts
on the first day of January. That's
the day we begin inyenting new ex-
cuses for not paying ours
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20
com M erclali.lne cupid.

Is It true, Toni. that you are going
to- marry Maria?"
"Yes, sab; it's true"
"They say she's a remarkably good
laundress. It's almost a pity she has
to give up her work"
"Give up her wuk? Why, what you
s'pose 1 done marry her for" Cleve.
land Plain Dealer. Sssfl
There are nearly 5000 gypsies II
England.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20

One of the dranatists threatens to
write a play around the fuel famine in
the Northwest 1t Is safe guess that
the villain will have a beard and be
ld-headed.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20

A Cincinnati church congregation has
decided to pay the pastors wife a
monthly salary. Hereafter there ought
to be no buttons missing from his
clothes.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20

A New York man who lived on 80
cents day left fortune of $500, 600.
His heirs will doubtless agree that he
is better off dead.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20

Even the heroine who by waving her
red petticoat saved the fast express
from destruction has had to give up
her pass. Thus do the sins of the un-
just fall upon the Just.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20

Landlady-I see that lot Of cattle
have been frozen to death in blizzard
out West. Grouchy Boarder-I suppose
that means cold beef for Anner all next
summer.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20

Sir Thomas Upton speaks In high
praise of the American hotels. This
may be accepted as sure sign that
he is coming back.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20
Tho Republican machine.

The Republican Machine.
The little FISH and weak sisters In
Congress are always ready to stand
by the Speaker and the President In
any event. They may be Sin doubt
about how their constituents stand on
important issues and very wabbly
themselves, on such a question as ship
subsidy for instance, but when the
Speaker and the President approved
that measure they felt they could vote
for the steal with safety. They are
now able to so home and tell the yot-
ers why they did 1t. They are willing
to give up their own opinions and go
contrary to the wishes Of their constit-
uents lest they be guilty of failure to,
oblige the source of all political power
the Speaker and the President.
Thus representative Of the people Is
degraded into mere pawn and sub
serylency is more favored than individ-
uallty by the party leaders, whose
wishes are supreme and popular cleo
lions are SO degraded into n useless
form. What Is the good of going to the
eApeiise anu .ioupie " eiee's ~
gressmen and sending them and keep
ing them at Washington to represent
their constituents when the Speaker
and the President would answer all
p'. i'oees' anu iiouao'y aee VIZ
greater celebrity than Congress does?
~ ah oiieai.ns - " run l"e Sn..a
elu.es' we h,,sn', y. feast nave ". ~
Yai'ases VI ,ue rue " u ~" W nv,''s
away Win tue expense OIL tue "or'ii'es's
hally.
why does the ordinary hepuoiic !.
CONGRESSMAN determ'he 70 s.anu ny eiie
speaker ana the Presidents Because
ne Knows u ne Is mo- suosefVient " .iie
machine me spencer VIII put mn. y.
Gtne TAU emu OF coilin'1ttee anu feiuse
MN recognition on the hoor anu no
spupiic pu,ialngs OF river anu hirpor III
proyements VIII come ms way Ior lhe
pins VIII be set up against nm. ne
I cause Wneh the rfesideiit openly threa.-
eneo, that MS ne alone is the appoint
ing power ana that members Oh the
Rouse Oh REPRESENTATIVES, nave no COIL
stitutionai right 70 name postmnsters
or other ofticials, ne Implied that II tnev
stand by himp they would receive
thelr snare OF the patronage. I've.
publicaA Congressman without pap
would De sorry creature.
occasionally, poid splrit' OF one VINO
IulQKS lie Is rCGlIY u representative VI
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20

President Abandons Publicity.
1t is not SO very long that "publIci.
ty" was to be the certain cure for trust
evils. Congress was recommended bys
the President to pass law to investi.
gate corporations and to report to tina
President, who could then publish such
information MS he thought of enough
Importance The Bureau Of Corpora
tions was created and ample funds APP
jpropriated for all necessary investiga-
tlons No doubt, many such investiga-
tions have been made, but the report
on the Beef Trust is the only one that
the President has given to the public.
Whether President Roosevelt was dis
couraged by the reception the public
gave that first effort Mt publicity, which
appeared to favor the Beef Trust, or
whether he has concluded that publici-
ty is worthless as a remedy against the
exactlons of the trusts, he has not Civ
ell the public any further results of the
Investigations that have been made. q
So Publicity" like other remedies
and attempted reforms Of this cratic
administration, is gone glimmerlng, and
the only true methods of tariff reform
and criminal prosecutions have never
been attempted.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20

Victor Hugo was particularly fond
Of asparagus, but he would not eat 1t
unless 1t was arranged carefully in the
form Of a wheel, with the tips Of the
vegetable turned toward the center Of
the dish, and each piece unbroken.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20

Says woman: 81 care not who deea
the thinking So long as am permit
ted to do the talking"
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20

Is rlarr's,s 9ey@ Sa G,usions Not
40 long IS the sevess and the butcher
understand sAsr everybody is pros
psr,s,s
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20

Panama matters are all topsy-turvey.
Shonts is retiring from the canal COM
mission, with Chief Engineer Stevens
to succeed him, is the most important
event. President Roosevelt is urging
Congress to abolish the commission and
create a one-man power, to run the
wabbly machine. The real reason for
oil this shake-up Inns not vet been made
public, but there must be something
radically wrong with the administra-
ton of affairs to need such radical
organization. And yetit is only a few
weeks ago the country was assured
that every detail was in apple pie or
der.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20

King Leopold thinks he is a much
abused man. He ought to be thankful
that there is no international whip
ping most.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20
Adding HI. Testimony.

2 Rivers-I notice that learned pro-
fessor says the evening coat dates back
to the time of the Norman conquest.
Brooks-He's right. l know mine
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20

Lincoln SseTens IS looking FOR
model satS Il Is = pscasune to refer
him ~ ssls New Jerusalem,
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20

The man who cut off his right hand
because 1t offended him, 1t Is needless
to say, was Bible reader who accept
ed all statements literally.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20
Congressional wages.

The salary grab has been put through
by Congress and the Senators were hon
est enough to record their vote on the
80 per cent increase. The members of
the House Of Representatives, how
ever. lodged roll call, SO as to eyade
versonal criticism and be able to say
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20
In tbe same F.miIy.

Papa" said little 4-year-old MargIe,
II think you are Just the incest man
In the whole world" And l think
you are the incest little girl in the
world" replied her father. Course
am" said Margie. "Ain't 1t queer
how such nice people happened to get
in the same family?'-The Child's
Hour.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20
ment to find only n quiet old gentleman,
dressed very much lie his fnthnr

There is also the story of Washington's
taking on his knees the youngest twain
of the Ellsworth children and singing
them the ballad of the Derby ram.
The homes Washington then visited
were thenceforth forever distinguished,
and many New England house was rich
,er by the priceless association SO valued
by the owners of Elmwood.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20

do you think the widow will break
his Wilt"
won't be necessary. She did that
long before she became q widow
Philadelphia Ledger.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20

the other fellows did 1t, not 1. As the
cost of living has increased over 30
per cent under the Republican system
of protecting the trusts, there of course
must eventually be similar increase IN
all salaries, but members Of Congress-
showed their selfishness by adding 80
per cent to their own allowances while
leaving the army and navy. and the
government clerks and laborers at their
present rate. which in many instances
is none too generous under the changed
conditions from ten years ago.
The taxpayers who pay the bills and
whose incomes have not kept pace with
the increased cost Of living will through
this salary grab have still further cause
to reflect adversely on Republican poll
cleR - y
Ship Subsidy. :.
Speaker Cannon has been won over
by the ship-subsidy lobby and has made
it possible for the subsidy steal to be-
come an annual drain upon the Amerl-s
can taxpayer. What brought about this
change Of heart in Mr.. Cannon will
perhaps never be known, unless the
scandal is investigated. When the
Speaker appointed the Merchant Ma.
rlne Committee at the first session Of
the present Congress the subsldists
were not given a majority Of that com.
mittee, so that they could report a bill.
but since the opening of the present
session some Republican members OF
the committee have been won over, not-
ably Watson of Indiana, and the bill
would have been favorably reported IL
Mr.. Flack of New York had not been
taken sick. The subsidy hunters ar
ranged with him to resign and then the
Speaker appointed Littauer of New
York, Of army glove scandal fame, who.
ardently favors the steal. This gave
the subsidy bill majority and 1t was
ordered reported by vote Of 8 to 7.
three Republicans voting with tho
Democrats against 1t. TO accomplish
this the subsidy hunters had to be sat
isfied with more moderate measure
than was passed by the Senate at the
last session, for the provision for ear
go subsidy ms been cut out ana tne
measure is now pam SUBSIDY 70
few snip builders and ship owners
winch on me racine ocean VIII oe con-
nned TO the TWO great railroad mag
mates Hi ana Hartman, potn soi'
whom control steamship INES tnat VIII
receive their share OF the subsidy.
Inc majority OF the hepuDllcaI par l :,
y seems wedded TO its iaols OF grant
ing special iegisiatlon IN Iavor OF par
tlcuiar classes OF whlcn the tarlH pro.
lection TO trusts Is another example. y
is 10 be hoped that enough hepubll.
cans joined Win the democrats VIII
llght the steal and defeat II. " was a..
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-02-20

But In these days It's come to pass,
All work is with such dashing done
We've all those things, but then, alas
We seem to have no Washington
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1907-10-27

Ill the rear of the building. after climbing on top Of the little bank Dulldlng' adjoining the gents furnish ing house on the west. In his haste to get away the negro dropped sev- eral suits of clothes in nearby al ley and suits and shirts were found the next morning on the roof of the bank building. The burglary was inn medlately reported to Constable Frank Stewart. who is considered one of the best posted officers ill this city. when 1t comes to picking out burglar or criminal of any kind. The burglary was kept quiet. Constable Stewart stated that he would have the right man in ten days.
 He made good Friday night, al though it was not his fault that he did not capture Henderson sooner. Every time he got his eye on the ne- gro the latter would feel guilty ap- parently and leave for other parts be- fore the constable came near.
 Constable Stewart after shadowing the negro for several days was thor oughly convinced that Henderson was the negro who had been burglarizing the downtown stores. He watched his movements for several days, but ev- cry time the constable prepared to arrest him, the negro had an idea that something was wrong and he would disappear. Constable Stewart kept after him, however. Friday night he sent Jim Moore, one of his depu- ties, to shadow the negro. 'It won't do for me to get too near him. said Stewart, He then sent his deputy to the negro's home at late hour and Moore succeeded in arresting him.
 At the police headquarters Hender-
 son admitted everything. He told the officers where to find some of the stolen goods. Several valuable suits, oyercoats, socks, hats and other gar ments, stolen from Kastor and Blu thenthal were recovered from under the negro's home at Ninth avenue and Poplar street. They were hidden away in corn bags. Perfumery stolen from Seawell and Ancrum's, knives taken from the Cleveland-M Matthews hardware store and other articles, which have not been identified, were taken from his room. Some of these included a lot of smaller articles of wear, which were identified as having been stolen from the J. B. Simon Com pany. Henderson admitted burglar izing the grocery of w. E. Mulliken several nights ago and stealing $90 in cash from the cash drawer. He purchased a bicycle with a part of the money and the wheel is now in the hands of the police
 In the police court this morning Henderson, who is persistent in his statements that he was alone ill all
 Of his crimes. was transferred to Justice l. E. Cheek. He will be giy
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1907-10-27
NICOTINE SHOW
 IN CHICAGO

Chicago, Oct, 26.-My Lady Nico- tine will reign supreme at the Ca sino during the coming week, when everything pertaining to the tobacco industry will be shown at the nation- al tobacco exposition. Upwards of $10,000 has been spent in decorations, in which tobacco and tobacco plants figure largely. All of the leading manufacturers of tobacco, cigars, ci- garettes and smokers supplies in the country are represented.