The Washington herald., 1907-03-31
THE SOCIAL CODE
BY THE ARBITER
BY THE ARBITER.

From now on there VIII be a series of
house parties. East, West, North. and
South, every one with a country place
VIII invite and expect guests. and it is
wei 10 review the etiquette for these oc-
casions. which is simple enough, but so
often outraged by lack of knowledge or
appreciation. In America We have come
to follow the English custom Of inviting
guests for a specified Time the invitations
generally conveying the fact that Ar. and
Mrs Smith will be delighted to receive
Mr., and Mrs. Jones from the Ist of May
at luncheon until the 10th Of May at din
ner. with the further Instructions that an
automobile OF trap win await the guests
at the irain.
An hour should not be allowed TO elapse
before this invitation is answered. and
on no account should there be a deviation
OF a single moment from the hours set
Such an exhibition Of bad form should pre-
elude any one again being invited to the
same house. AS in England. at the smart
est houses the guests are supposed to take
care Of themselves from breakfast until
luncheon. Breakfast is a careless meal,
at which the hostess never appears. and
which the guests pick up from the side
table. the maid or butler bringing in in
staIlments OF coffee or tea After this in
formal meal there is the mail to look over,
the papers to review. and at the door
there are traps and saddle horses, the ten
mis- court, the golf links. and other things
10 engase the attention Of the visitors
until the formal luncheon at o'clock
which is not very formal after all, since
we have more or less come to follow the
English habit Of waiting upon ourselves
at this meal.
After luncheon there is the siesta. the
tete-a-tete for those so inclined. rides in
the country, the hammock, and an agree
able novel. in fact. numerous ways in
which to pass the time until afternoon
tea brings all the household together.
This brings the time of the day TO din
ner. which is really the gala occasion,
when the women are all supposed to ap-
pear IN decollete. the men In evening
clothes, not Tuxedos, as dinner jackets
ara vulgarly called. At a country house
party women should carry the very
smartest toilettes in their wardrobes,
and should spare no pains to make them
selves as beautiful and brilliant as possi-
bic, because at a country estate, far
from tie maddiug crowd every guest
must do his or her utmost 10 make the
party a success. Do not for an instant
think that you are invited for yourself
alone. Every one who joins a house
party must do everything in his or
her power to contribute TO keep the ball
rolling and make things merry.
Not long ago at a celebrated house in
the South. enc of the bright New York
women observed a laekadaisical English
man. who seemed to do nothing but keep
a pipe going and dispose Of ianumerable
highballs. asking one of her fellow-guests
why he was there. She was told TO wait
and see. There was no doubt of his use
fulness after a weeks experience. He
was a real major-dom0 for picnics and
automobile parties. he had every posi-
bic menu for al fresc0 entertainment at
his fingers end. and he always managed
TO introduce some element that made the
entertainment unique and interesting. He
is. to be sure, the youngest son Of an
impecunious earl. but it is safe to affirm
an American heiress
Every one who visits a country house
must bear in mind one thing-give as
much pleasure and TO give as little trouble
as possible. For instance, as TO the mat
ter of luggage, a guest should take care
Of it as far as possible. and see that
the hostess is not burdened with its
delay. which so often happens in the
mountain districts that have become so
popular with the fashionables. As 10 the
matter Of carrying the maid. that depends
entirely upon the circumstances Of the
hostess In Europe little baroness with
$500 a year would never think of visiting
q country house without a maid because
she is perfectly helpless, having been
brought up to depend entirely upon serv-
ants But in America it is quite different
A woman may spend $4,000 on her toilet
and yet sew on her own buttons and her
hooks The foreign custom is much the
simplest and the most agreeable, and it
would be well if it were more generally
accepted here.
AS to the bread and butter" that must
be written Immediately upon the return
OF a guest 10 her house Nothing can ex-
cuse this omission. If one has the means
and the way of sending a bunch OF flow
eTs. q timely book. an interesting maga-
zine 10 remind the hostess of her appre-
citation. it is well. But IN visiting coun-
try houses, as accepting every invitation.
the quld pro quo must never be forgotten.
l. Question: about to send out some invita-
tions for small dance for ms daughter and the en-
p ftrtalnment Of two of her chums who viii come
fTffh frrf f417fa-
tied IN space. end wC must count carefully on Tie
number OF guests 20 expect Ia one of your rast
articles son said il not necessary to append
K. :. y p, te limitations, as an those who had
the slightest knowledge Of the world would answer
promptly without any such hint Now I most GER
tatnly do net want 10 commit a sin against good
foTU, bat I must know how many % expect at the
little fete I giving. Kindly give me vour opinion
an the matter and help out Troubled Mother
Answer: BY all means put on your in
vitations 2. $. V. p, or, if you prefer, as
i do. the English form. An answer is
requested AS have said frequently in
this column, there are nc hard and fast
rules that govern society. TO arrive" is
the main point-the only point-and one
should leave no stone unturned TO make
this possible Moreover. there are many
people, good sort too, with little knowl-
edge OF social ethics. who must be taught
by the people who entertain them.
. Question: Is it general fer the friends Of girl
20 send her presents when she becomes eneagedg /
know il is customary in the North, but I am en-
tirely unacquainted With social usages in this part
Il the country.
Answer: No. It is not customary. al
though between intimate friends IL is
often done.
Question: Is it neosssary % have q chaperon