Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-12-14

ern correspondent.
why, O'Grady? What a FUN
ny question"
O'Grady has red hair and uncountable
freck!es. He does not believe in too fas-
tidious toilet, only in so far as it gives
him comfort. Once when he went to New
York from his western birthplace to seek
his fortune he had his hair dyed a deep,
shiny black. This gave him a serious.
thoughtful expression. and he instantly
procured an excellent position as advance
agent for big theatrical management.
This was after ne had sampled all the
restaurants and cafes up and down
broadway. the length of the Rialto. My
red hair was my hoodoo.'' reasoned
O'Grady.
When O'Grady came to Washington last
month. not ever over-particular as to
clothes. he did not present very i'm
portant-looking appearance. The mes
him with the same feeling of respect they
felt for the old-time correspondent. who
always has a fresh shine, good-looking
coat. and who always walks into an Of
flee with the air of a man who knows ey-
actly what he wants and expects to
get 1t.
With his easy-going manner O'Grady
made the rounds of the departments here
and after several wearisome days. so they
seemed to him, he appealed to the head
Of his bureau. and inquired of his chief
the reason for what appeared to him. as
he expressed it. the tongue-tied condition
Of the official people he had met.
Il never met so many live mummies in
my life, said O'Grady, deSpairingly. toss
Ing his golf cap across the telegraph
desk.
II don't understand" carelessly re-
marked his chief. trying to eat an apple.
write his days story and listen to
O'Grady's complaint all at the same
time.
Il simply can't get people to talk to
me-" whined the disgruntled O'Grady.
why not?"
DO I know why they won't talk" re-
they can't. Perhaps the departments
favor the deaf and dumb. Silent, owl
eyed. they go about their work, 1t really
terriffes me at times. Can't you, won't
you. have compassion on me and not ask
me to go there any mcre?'
Setting Off Steam.
While O'Grady complained his chief
wrote. but at least it gave the new man
satisfaction and relief to be able to ex-
press the thoughts that had disturbed him
for month and which he had hesitated
to say to his chief.
AS he dropped into moody silence the
click of his chiefs typewriter making I'M
Ineligible the construction of his griev-
ances in full, O'Grady was further an
noyed as his eye happened to wander in
the direction of deep window seat. Fill
ing this space and stacked high on either
side Of ii were white and gray bound
paper volumes. Darn those reports" he
growled beneath his breath
The gathering of the innocent-looking
pamphlets upon which he bestowed his
no
to him the hardest part, of his one month 9
experience at the capital. At the end of
each day O'Grady returned to the office
carrying two Or more reports represent
ing the work of a department of the past
year: Every night until long after the
last bit of copy has been licked off by the
telegraph instrument O'Grady pored over
these reports and records, trying to CLEAN
from them the information he had been
sent 70 get; But somehow or other the
never found it: 1t seemed to be always
the one thing lacking in these books
don't understand why you fill the Of
nee with these everlasting reports and
never find what you are looking for"
said ms chief finally looking up from his
finished work. What's the trouble, you
say. with the Departmental"
They will never talk to me-" whined
OGrady. looking unconsolable. When
ask an office boy to show me a depart
ment and tell him what I am looking
for, he always leads me into room
somewhere at the end of long hallway
l tell the man in charge what l want
and instantly, and daily, and always, the
man meet, no m hitter what building it
maybe. pushes a button, and James
-coTSs in. It's always James. And James
is aXzNS solemn-looking. black and dig
"SSs this yot ing man to the clerks
give You all thf information you desire.
Ms O'4rady. Much more fully than l
coutd give 1t to you. You Sec the report
is -1ust oVt,' says the man. o, you are
welcome. Good day. It's always the same
story
Taken for a Book Agent.
&"WcfL you idiot, why don't you tell
them exactly what you want, and You
would not need to go hunting around
thfeugh these reports and wasting your
tims"
We'll. ] can't make them understand. -
complained O'Grady. Before | get a
chance TO tell them all they jump on the
rfport subject and I'm lost 1t seems to
me Washington is the most mathematical
city ever knew Everybody talks and
multiplication table
Well the trouble is with you" said the
chlef. You. by your manner or some
thing. must compel a report audience
II > the FUNNIEST thlnS j ever heard of.
You must make people understand that
YOU are not looking for a bunch of gar
den seeds; YOU must make them realize
that you are not from Iron City and anx-
rous to collect figures on mining, and that
YOU do not intend to write the history of
the government
But do do that?" asked the indignant
O'Grady
Yes, you do" retorted the chief.
Why. why" stammered the confused
correspondent, Il don't understand what
YOU mean. Is there anything wrong with
me? Do / need touching UP with an ar
tistic paint brush? Am I too matter-of-
fact, am l too good-looking to be taken
for reporter, do l not inspire confidence,
or do l just look silly? Tell me, and
satisfy my curiosity. This thing has been
worrying me into a daily. hourly night
mare. Look at that pile OF books. For
one whole month l have walked around
the streets of Washington, from one
building to another, carrying some books,
always one or more. until have come to
he taken for book agent. Tell me in
what | am lacking that should be treat
cd like this
We'll, you shouldn't go around carrying
books, and said the chief, letting his
hands slide down the front of his we'll
tailored coat until they reached his peck
cts. Il have hesitated to tell you,
OGrady. but really you know you ought
to spruce up a bit. Look at your shoes
now. they are still carrying around last
weeks mud And your collar needs a
bath, and your hair a Clip. You will be
quite respectable-looking when you get