davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1907-06-19
Pick Out Rogers.

Thompson and Rogers. wandering
home late one night, stopped at what
Thompson supposed was his residence,
but which his companion insisted was
his own house. Thompson rang the
bell Justify. when window was Open
ed. and a lady inquired what was
wanted. MADAM" inquired Mr..
Thompson, "isn't this Mr.. T-Thomp-
sons houseT mo" replied the lady;
this is the residence of Mr.. Rogers"
4Well," exclaimed Thompson. Mrs.
T-T-Thompson-beg your pardon-Mrs.
Rogers. won't you just step down to
the door and pick out, Rogers, for
Thompson wants to go home"
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1907-06-19
THE NIGHT HAS A THOUSAND EYES

The night has a thousand eyes
And the day but one.
Yet the light OF the bright world dies
With the dying sun.
The mind has a thousand eyes
And the heart but one,
Yet the light of a whole life dies
When love Is done.
Francis William Bourdillon.
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1907-06-19
n. /. Stevenson on Shakespeare.

/ have always suspected public taste
to be mongrel product out of affec-
tation by dogmatism, and felt sure, If
you could only find an honest man of
no special literary bent, he would tell
you he thought much of Shakespeare
bombastic and most absurd, and all of
him written in very obscure English
and wearisome to read.
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1907-06-19
Not a Dog.

A woman. dirty and disheveled,
came into public dispensary with her
right arm torn and bleeding. AS the
surgeon bathed her wound prepara-
tory to binding 1t up he asked, DOG
bite your"
mo, sorr," the patient replied; "it
was another y."-Everybody's
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1907-06-19
Slapping a King.

Siapping King.
81 enjoy this very much, Corvisart,"
said Napoleon one day in January,
1914. The emperor had his son, the
king of Rome on his knee and was ad-
ministering slight blows to the child,
first on one cheek and then on the
other Playing with your little son,
sire?' said the physician. "No," said
the emperor. Don't you see-I am
slapping king?"
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1907-06-19

A loafer always seems to consider
that he has enough Dragging to do to
keep him permanently busy.
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1907-06-19
Their Greatest Art.

"She is taking lessons in the mill
liners art"
'"That should be easy"
''Well, 1t is harder than it looks"
"Pshaw! Any one should be able to
learn to charge"
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1907-06-19
GEORGE Eliot on Failure.

| am proof against that word fail
ure. l have seen behind it. The only
failure man ought to fear Is the fail
ure in cleaving to the purpose he sees
to be the best.
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1907-06-19

Always remember that every knock
er has tender shins.
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1907-06-19
Simple.

st wish knew how to get million
dollars legitimately."
'"How did you say?"
"Legitimately"
"Say, do the authorities know you
are running at larger
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1907-06-19
Why He Does It.

When a large and husky slugger isn't
slugging
You can gamble then the thing that he
likes best
Is to be at home and in his closet hug
ging
The profits of the venture to his breast.
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1907-06-19

Being out of touch with the payroll
brings another point of view.
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1907-06-19
After the Melee.
Very Powerful

'This can of milk was only half full
little while ago and now it is all of
two-thirds, yet there has been no more
milk brought in. How did they raise
itP'
by hydraulic pressure"
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1907-06-19

Signing for the moon never added
perceptibly to Installation on a dark
night.
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1907-06-19
Beecher on Books.

l never read a book through. A book
is like fish; you cut off the head, you
cut off the tail, you cut off the fins, you
take out the backbone, and there is a
little piece of meat left.
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1907-06-19
Some Improvement.

"How do you like your wealthy step
fatherT
"Oh, he's step in the right direc-
tion."
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1907-06-19
Had Met Them,

%The earth has two motions. Do
you know what they areT'
mo, don't, but both of them shake
money out of my pocket"
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1907-06-19
Every Time.

"It is silly to talk about choice be-
tween two evils"
"WhyT
Because both always land on you
sooner or later"
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1907-06-19

All is not Cupid's that wears the dia-
mond engagement ring.
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1907-06-19

Some men chase an honest livelihood
clear to the doors of the penitentiary.
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1907-06-19

It Is a hard thing to ask for bread
and be offered the stone pile.
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1907-06-19
Humor me Philosophy
By DUNCAN N. SMITH
PERT PARAGRAPHS.

When man is In love, he sometimes
forgets to be selfish, but not for long.
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1907-06-19

A glad father makes joyous house
hold.
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1907-06-19

In the general distribution there
seem to be a good many more crosses
than there are halos and crowns.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-12
A Section of Honey.

super, and the amount used varies all
the way from a triangular piece meas
uring one inch on each side up to
enough to fill the section practically
full I consider it economy to use the
larger amount, a bottom started five
eighths of an inch deep, and a top
starter coming down within One-eighth
inch of this, the starting coming with
in about one-sixteenth of an inch of
the wood at each side. When the Sec
tons are thus filled with foundation
there is no need of an excluder to
keep the queen out of the super.
Bees do not so readily begin work
in section supers as in extracting SUI
pers with combs that have been pre-
viously used. In order to start work
more promptly, it is advisable to use
in the first super of the season one or
more bait sections. These are sections
that had been partly filled at the close
of the previous season, and the honey
then emptied out by the bees after the
sections were taken from the hives. A
single bait in the middle of super
will answer, and in a poor season l
have had 100 or more of these bats
filled and sealed and not another Sec
ton touched.
If only when supers are thus given,
the bees would start to work in them,
and keep at work in them, what a
blessing! But alas, just about the time
work is fairly started in the surplus
apartments, some colony will take a
notion to swarm, stopping all surplus
work, and if left to it's own devices
sends out a second swarm some eight
days after the first, and then at inter
walls of day or two other swarms,
sometimes five or six in all, the last
of them being mere handfuls, and only
a vexation. Other colonies will take
the same notion, and the season will
end with large proportion of worth
less colonies and little or no surplus
honey.
Although it is not an easy thing to
prevent each colony from swarming at
least once, it is we'll to know some of
the things that tend to prevent exces-
sive swarming First of all comes
abundance of room, and here extract
ed honey has the advantage. G. P.
Dadant, one of the heaviest producers
of extracted honey in the country,
uses very large hives, with no exclud-
ers, and not more than one colony in
20 swarms.
Keeping down the temperature is
important. Place the hives in shade
where there is a free circulation of
air, as under shade trees. Also let
there be plenty of ventilation of the
hive itself by means of large en-
frances, or by raising the hive on
blocks When working for extracted
honey, an opening of one-quarter in
the entire width of the hive may be
allowed to each story.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-12

er family. We do not belong to the
pity push. Willie, If the gentleman
kicks bore a tunnel through his cere
bellum, near the medusa, and / will
jump in his alimentary canal and take
swim-ping-d ing-a-zing-a-boom!"
Then, just as these two ferocious
members of the Singer family rushed
at me I awoke with cry for help.
There was not mosquito in the
room.
Thank heaven, it was only a
dream!
At the door, however, was a mes
senger with special-delivery letter
from my wife.
The letter read: Dear John:
only want to say that Cheesehurst-by
the-Sea would be a nice place If q
person could wear armor plate to
avoid the mosquitoes. 1 have rubbed
my complexion with peppermint, and
l have worn smoke-sticks in my hail
till | burned my pompadour, but the
mosquitoes still look upon me as theil
meal ticket. l expect to insult every
body present and leave for home to
morrow. Lovingly, thy WIFE,"
My dream was out.
Copyright. 1906, by G. w. Dillingham; Coz
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-12
CASE OF ECZEMA IN SOUTH.
Suffered Three Years-Hands and Eye
Most Affected-Now Well and Is
Grateful to Cuticura.

my wife was taken badly with ecze-
ma for three years, and she employed
a doctor with no effect at all until she
employed Cuticura Soap and Ointment.
One of her hands and her left eye
were badly affected, and when she
would stop using Cuticura Soap and
Ointment the eczema came back, but
very slightly, but it did her a sight of
good. Then we used the entire set Of
Cuticura Remedies and my wife is en-
tirely recovered. She thanks Cuticura
very much and will recommend it
highly in our locality and in every
nook and corner of our parish. /. M.
Robert, Hydropolis, La, Jan. 5 and
Sept. /, 1906
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-12
Why Advertising Paws.

"You will be pressed for money
oftener because you have no advertis-
ing bills to pay than because you
have" observes the Buffalo News.
big advertising bills and big bank
balances grow, together, out of the
same publicity campaigns" The mer-
chant who holds down his expense ac-
count by cutting out advertising saves
money just the way the railroads
would if they should stop buying coal
for their locomotives. Without coal
the wheels won't turn; without pub
licity trade comes to standstill. It
pays to throw silver out of the window
that gold may come in at the door.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-12

Ping-ding-a-zing-a boom!" shrieked
those relentless voices in the dark.
ness.
do you want my money or my
life?" l inquired tremblingly.
1--WE desire to bite our autograph
on your wish-bone," one voice replied
pleasantly.
Great Scott" 1 shouted, "why dc
you wish to bite one who is a stranger
to your"
you have wife who is passing q
few weeks at the Jersey seashore,
is it not SOP" inquired the hoarsest
voice.
Heaven help me, I have" I answer
ed, manfully.
"She is at Observation-Disclosures? ?"
that awful voice went on.
"She is" l admitted it.
well, yesterday evening she slap
ped her forehead suddenly and killed
the breadwinner of this family" the
voice shrieked, "and we are here for
revenge!"
What is your name, please?"
whispered.
my name is Clementina Singer,
and with me is my son, little Willie
Singer, formerly of Cheesehurst-on'
the-Sea," the voice answered.
l sat there and listened, while my
knees shook for the drinks.
1--WE looked up your wife's home ad.
dress and came hither to board with
you, because she upset our bread-win.
ner's apple cart" the voice went OF
threateningly.
Willie, my son, get light lunch.
con from the gentleman's medulla OBJ
longata and 1 will eat small steak
from his solar plexus-ping-di -a-zing.
a-boom!"
Have you no pity?" l said, plead
1ngly.
PITY" said Clementina-"pi pity!
You ask for pity, when my forefathers
were the first to land on the only
Plymouth rock in the meadows OF
Hackensack! l wish you to know
that the proud blood of many victims
rushes through the veins of tho Sting
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-12
FAMILY FOOD.
Crisp, Toothsome and Requires No
Cooking.

A little boy down in N. G. asked his
mother to write an account Of how
Grape Nuts food had helped their fam
lily.
She says Grape-Nuts was first
brought to her attention on a visit to
Charlotte, where she visited the Mayor
of that city who was using the food by
the advice of his physician. She
says:
"They derive so much good from it
that they never pass day without
using it. While / was there used the
Food regularly. I gained about Is
pounds and felt so well that when I re-
turned home 1 began using Grape-Nuts
in our family regularly.
my little 10 months old baby short
ly after being weaned was very i'll
with dyspepsia and teething. She was
sick nine weeks and we tried every
thing. She became so emaciated that
it was painful to handle her and we
thought we were going to lose her.
One day a happy thought urged me to
try Grape-Nuts soaked in a little warm
milk.
well, it worked like charm and
she began taking it regularly and i'm
provement set in at once. She is now
getting well and round and fat as fast
as possible on Grape-Nuts.
Sometime ago several of the family
were stricken with LaGrippe at the
same time, and during the worst stages
we could not relish anything in the
shape of food but Grape-Nuts and
oranges, everything else nauseated US.
I'VE all appreciate what your ia
nous food has done for our family"
There's a Reason" Read "The Road
to Wellville," in pkgs.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-12
TOLD HIM THE TRUTH.
Dads Indignation Got the Better of
His Judgment.

An old German farmer, who resided
in one of the rural districts of the
state of Iowa, was the father of a
half-witted boy, whose lack of intel
lect was the cause of no little anxiety
and solicitude on the part of the pa
ternal parent.
dot poy Shon," he was heard to re-
mark in the course of conversation
with a neighbor of like Teutonic
origin, che iss not ferry bright, aber
l toni want you to tell him because
l ton't want him to know it."
Meanwhile the young hopeful was
driving through the barnyard with a
load of hay, which in attempting to
turn a sharp corner he unfortunately
upset.
The old man Immediately became
highly indignant. "Shon!" he below
ed in voice of thunder, you ISIS a
plane fool, you always vass fool,
you always will pc fool, you not
know holdings" Judges Library.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-12
Make Chicken House SNUG.

Cracks in the chicken house are not
good things to have in the winter,
when cold wind drives snow through
them, and there can be better things
in the summer, when the festive mite
must have place of shelter. However,
it is next to impossible to build with
hard pine lumber and not have cracks
The best thing to do is to stop them
from the outside. with battens, to keep
out the cold, and stop them with crude
oil or coal tar from the inside, to
keep out the mites.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-12
John Henry
on
Mosquitoes
By
George v. Hobart
Copyright, 1906, by G. w. Dillingham; Coz

Copyright, 1906, by G. w. Dillingham; Coz
When Peaches and / were married
we were sentenced to live in one of
of those eight by nine Harlem people
coops, where they have running gas
on every floor and hot and cold land
lords and self-folding doors and jan
itors with folding arms and all that
sort Of thing.
Immense!
When we moved into the half-por-
zion dwelling house last spring / said
to the janitor: Have you any mosqui-
toes in the summer"
The janitor was so insulted he didn't
feel like taking a drink for ten min.
utes
'Mosqultoes!" he shouted; "such
birds Of prey we're never known in
these apartments. We have piano
heaters and gas meters, but never
such criminals as mosquitoes"
With these kind words / was salts
fed.
For weeks | Dragged about my Har-
lem fiat for which no mosquitoes could
carry a latch-key. The janitor said
so, and his word was law.
l looked forward to summer with
witch hazel on the shin bone, and was
content
But one night in the early summer /
got all that was coming to me and /
got it good.
In the middle of the night thought
/ heard voices in the room and / sat
up in bed.
Il wonder If it's second-story men,"
l whispered to myself, because my
wife was away at the seashore.
She had gone off to the simmer
ing sands and left me chained to the
post of duty, and l tell you, boys, it's
an awful thing when your wife quits
you that way and you have to drag
the post of duty all over town in or
der to find a cool place.
Wives may rush away to the sum-
mer resorts where all is gayety, and
where every guess they make at the
bill of fare means a setback in the
bank account; but the husbands must
labor on through the scorching days
and in the evenings climb the weary
steps to the roof gardens.
'Ping-ding a-zing-a-boom!" exclaim-
ed the voices on the other side of the
bed.
IF they are after my diamonds" /
moaned, they will lose money" and
then l reached under the pillow for
the revolver l never owned.
Ping -ding-a-zing-a-bo went the
conversation on the other side of the
bed.
There is something doing here" l
remarked to myself, while wished for
daylight with both hands.
ing-ding-a-zing-a-b oom!" went the
conversation on the other side of the
bed.
who is it," / whispered, waiting
for reply, but hoping no one would
answer me.
"Ping-ding-a-zing-a-boom!" said the
same mysterious voice
Then suddenly it struck me-the
janitor was a liar.
These voices in the night emanated
from convention of mosquitoes.
In that Notwithstanding moment ]
recollected my parting admonition to
my wife when she went away: Oar.
ling, remember, money is not every.
thing in this world, and don't write
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-12
OF Little Faith,

At the Pine Grove camp ground in
Canaan, Conn, little girl was re-
moved by her mother for disobedience
and being naughty to her playmates.
The child was told that when she said
her prayers at night she should seek
forgiveness and ask the Lord to help
her be a better girl. Here is the
prayer which the youngster made I'M
der protest:
ooh, Lord, want you to help me to
mind my mamma, to help me to be a
better girl, to help me to be good to
my playmates, to-but, pshaw, Lord,
what's the use? 1 'spect you don't
believe half I'm saying"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-12
IN THE sUPERLATIVE DEGREE.
Little Sons Explanation Seemed to
Cover the Case.

Little son, aged seven, whose train
ing has been of the most painstaking
and conscientious, rather took away
his mothers breath in describing the
dogs game of ball. He ended with:
"And, mother, Topsy caught the ball
in her mouth, and then just ran like
HI"
Like what?" cried the startled
mother.
IVY, like h, don't you know,
mother?" innocently.
mo, don't believe I do. Just how
is that, dear?" she asked family.
well, 1 don't know jus what il
means, myself" he confessed, "but it's
a whole lot faster than 1ickety-split! F"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-12
A Folne Bird.

An Irishman who wasn't much of a
hunter went out to hunt one day, and
the first thing he saw to shoot at was
blue jay sitting saucily on the top
of a fence. He blazed away at the
bird and then walked over to pick it
up. What he happened to find there
was dead frog, which he raised care
fully at arms length, looking at it with
puzzled air. Finally he remarked:
''Well, begobs, but We was devil of
a foine looking burd befur Oh blew
Their filters off overs! "-Judge's Lii
brary
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-12
p0lEJaM,t7sa&;ja
H91MEEkY'
~ @|S
WORK FOR SECTION HONEY.
Money Can BE Made by Handling 1t in
This Form.

While honey cut out of large frames
is quite popular in some regions, and
sold under the name of bulk honey,
and while larger quantities of comb
honey can thus be produced than in
any other way, the greater part Of
comb honey is produced in small
boxes called sections, holding about
one pound each, as shown in cut.
The kind most in use is 4Ax4Ax1%
inches, outside measure. My prefer
ence, says Farm and Home, is for the
T-super, although it is not most gen.
orally in use.
The grade of comb honey founda-
ton used in sections is called thin
super, although some use extra thin
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-12
Sell the Old Raosters.

Again let us say it-sell the old
roosters. The very next time you go
to town, crate the old fellows up and
take them along They are only board
ing with you now and giving nothing
for their board. They rush in and COB
BILE all the chickens feed they can
get, are often mean to the smaller
chickens and are not even an orna-
ment to the flock. Of course this does
not refer to the pure breds of high
scoring class, but to the lot usually
found on the farms The trouble is,
too many of this kind are still found
on the farms.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-12
Had a Cheer COMING.

Years ago, when the G.. A. r. annual
department encampment was held in
Boston, as the veterans were marching
along one of the avenues a lady, who
had secured an elevated position on a
wagon in a side street, became con-
spicuous by the enthusiasm she dis
played, and was dissatisfied with the
lack of it in the by-standers. "Cheer!"
said she. "Why don't you cheer? !
guess you'd cheer if you'd lost two
husbands in the war as I did.''-Life.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-12
A Hopeless Case.

YES" said the business man, Il
have given up trying to collect that lit
tie bill from Bilkins. You see, he is
a big, muscular fellow, and he used to
throw my collectors out"
"Then why didn't you employ a
woman collector" inquired a writer
in Spare Moments. HE couldn't do
that to a woman"
That's what thought, SO I got one
and sent her round, but she never
came back"
"Why not?"
HE married her."
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-12

home to me for any more. And re-
member, also, that when a Jersey
mosquito makes you forget the polite
ness due your host, fash your return
ticket in his face and return hither
to your happy little home in Har-
lem, where the mosquito never war
bles and stingeth not like a serpent,
are you hep?"
And now it was all OF.
Never more could we get away to
the seashore for two expensive weeks
and realize that we would be much
more comfortable at home like mil
lions Of other people do every year.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-12
Already Supplied,

But sir" insisted the persistent
agent, Il want to sell you the most
wonderful cash register on the mar
ket. 1t will keep account of what you
take in, what you pay out, what you
spend. how you spend it, and"
MY dear man." interrupted Mr.
Meeker, with wan smile, 81 already
have a cash register that does al
that"
Indeed! And may ask the name?
Yes; my wife. STRAY Stories.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-12
Opening Lower BruIe Indian Reserva-
ton in South Dakota.

Parties wishing full information as
to the character of the land, how to
reach it and how to take part in the
drawing in October, also information
in relation to the opening of Trip
county, in the Rosebud Reservation, can
secure same by sending One Dollar to
Chas. H. Burke, Pierre, South Dakota,
formerly Member of Congress and
author of the Lower Brule and Rose
bud legislation.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-12
Here Is a Novelty,

A street hawker recently intro
duced a novelty in keyholes.
He said: Here you are, gentle
men; the greatest invention of the
age.
Passer (stopping to listen)-What
is it?
Hawker-A magnetized keyhole.
plate for front doors. 1t will attract
an ordinary latch key from a distance
of two feet. All you have to do to
find the keyhole is to take out your
key and hang on to it.
Three men are reported to have
been injured in the crowd which
gathered to buy the novelty.-The
Royal.