Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1907-12-10

Washington, p. c., Dec. 10.-For just
a minute 1t looked as if somebody had
made a mistake at the Gridiron clubs
dinner When. after the usual speech
made in the dark by President Sam
uel G. Blythe, as the guests entered,
the lights suddenly famed on again
in the big dining room Of the Hotel
Willard, there wasn't a cocktail to be
seen.
The guests were too polite to say
anything about it, but a member no.
ticed it, and, springing to his feet, he
demanded to know where the cocktails
were.
The president called on the chairman
of the committee which had charge of
the arrangements to explain, and he
explained in a song with a rousins
chorus, that the omission was on ac-'
count of the disastrous results of serv-
ing cocktails at a certain dinner in In
diana.
Fairbanks Gets His "Nip."
Then, producing a large glass of
buttermilk, he walked up to Vice
President Fairbanks and handed it
to him. singing to the air of Bud
weiser:"
And now, Mr.. fairbanks, will you
drink this cocktail?
It's simple, and harmless, and dry,
And not to alarm you we say it won't
harm you,
SO don't be too shrinking or shy.
You surely will say as 0 sip it's fine
flavor:
II thank you, indeed, for this boon"
Unless you confess, as you will, we all
guess,
You intend to be dry-till next June.
The vice president took the glass of
buttermilk and drank it amid the
cheers of the $50 guests. Then the
real cocktails We're served and the
dinner was on.
Metcalf's Designs Exposed.
It hadn't gone far, however, before
a member of the club arose n in
formed the chair that he wanted to
ask Secretary Metcalf a question. The
secretary oblilgingly arose n the in
quirer demanded:
Why is the Atlantic fleet going to
the Pacific?"
The secretary lodged.
30, WE'LL. said President Blythe,
"the Gridiron club knows, if you don't.
The feet is going to the Pacific to help
make you United States senator from
California"
In place of the usual menu card a
clearing house certificate was furnish
ed to each guest with each course GER
tffying, in the usual form, that the
Gridiron club had deposited securi-
Ties upon which this certificate was
issued, and that the certificate entitled
the bearer to one portion of soup, fish,
or whatever the course was.
Notices Cheer Diners.
Each Of these certificates bore some
cheerful motto relating to the course,
such as the following:
You take care Of the TOW and Uncle
Joe will look after Fowler.
What is the difference between ter
rapin Maryland and the department OF
justice?
The terrapin has been relieved Of it's
Bony Part and the department hasn't.
MThis game (roast quaiD is guaran-
feed not to be as tough as the n
Cortelyou is up against.
Why is this coffee like the fve-mtl-
l%ion-dollar conspiracy?
1t has no grounds.
why is our chicken gumbo like the
relations between Roosevelt n
Hughes?
Strained. See?
cortetycu Like q Peek-aBoo.
SThen a member Of the club arose
and led the Gridiron songsters in a
song addressed to Secretary Cortelyou,
70 the rood old air of "Peek-a-Boo."
1t was about Cortelyou's gumshoe
campaign for the presidential candi-
dacy:
II you ask him to speak he just shakes
his head
And will neither affirm nor deny;
But when he goes home each night
from his work
He looks for his star in the sky.
He's mute, dumb, and silent and don't
say a word,
And. wears his gum shoes every day,
But he'll have a leased wire to Chica-
go next June
Hoping to hear them say
Here the singer. followed by his
chorus, marched over to where Mr..
Cortelyou was sitting, and, pointing his
finger at him, sang the chorus:
Cortelyou. Cortelyou,
Come from behind your chair;
Cortelyou, Cortelyou,
We see you hiding there.
sHa5HHE
Shortly after this the guests were
startled by q war Whoop, and in dashed
an Indian chief, announcing that he
came from what was once Indian Ter
ritory, bearing greetings and gifts.
"Cut out the greetings" said the
chair. What are the gifts?"
"Oklahoma," replied the chief. pre-
4 sents the republican administration
and the republican congress with two
democratic senators and four demo-
cratic representatives"
ss"Tha all?"
"No; next year it will give Bryan
seven electoral votes"
Then he war whooped and retired.
After the guests had eaten in peace
for about ten minutes, they We're sud-
denly interrupted by the incursion of a
number of fat colonies on a practice
ride. The colonies We're all mounted
on sticks with horses heads and these
they galloped wildly thru the room.
"Ananias" Applicant Barred.
A new member, James P. Hornaday
- ia Nv,-, l--.-