The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-07-11
shillIess Woman as an Aggravat!on.

oAlit AN "a tObOtACl Wy " 0NlpVl Dluj duN
with a souvenir milk stain left in the
middle Of his back by a colicky baby,
arises in the experience meeting, aud
gives ii as his unalterabe conviction,
founded on experience, that the frst
bet in the domestic misery field is
shftlessness in a wife.
"Fake it from me, brethren, as d
sure tip" says he, "that you'll fnd
marriage failure every time if you
pick out one Of theee laugurous, indo
lent maidens for a wife 1t doesu't
make a bit of difference how pretty she
is, or how intellectual she is, or how
noble or how good aud loyjug aud az
fectonate she is, if woman hasn't
got the getup-and-git about her to
give you three square meals a day, and
a tidy place to read your paper in, do
mestic bliss with her is a false alarm.
No, sir, woman may be a Venus, AS
pasta, st. Elizabeth and a Juliet sall
rolled iuto one, but unless she's got
mixture of Mary Ann in her character,
too, don't you let her beguie you into
trotting up to the altar with her.
"See me? Look, for I'm an awful
warning. Imet mp with little girl that
seemed to me about the whole works.
She was as pretty as peach, and she
could spiel to beat the baud about
poetry, and music, and art, and could
rattle off the six best selling books like
they we're her middle name. She had
cunning little ways, too. Kind Of soft
kitteny and good natured, and she
liked to cuddle down in a hammock, or
sit aud rock aud gurgie and talk.
Course | noticed at least / remem-
bered afterward noticing that her
hair always looked sort OF rump, and
that she didn't look as trig aud trim
about her dress as other girls, bnt she
was such q good locker that it sort Of
added picturesque touch, instead Of
giving me a steer that she was one of
the females that are born to ,ired TO
hook themselves up good III tbe back.
"Now, | was getting tidy little sal-
ary, with big raise in sea', and
figured it out that with q uice, indus
trious, thrifty, managing E,He wife to
run a nice little home and geep up her
end while | kept up mine there wasn't
any reason why I shouldn't be One III
Our Prominent andS1bst41iial Cti-
zens, and with my picture ia the paper
in few years, and in the meantime be
happy and make her happy So |
asked her, wilt thou be mine, and she
wilted, and we got married and ]
woke up from my dream Of connubial
bliss the first time ! ran good and hard
against her housekeeping
Sim a domestic man. and an afP5c
tionate man, home-oying man, an or
derly man. l like a prettily dressed
woman, dainty and artistic house,
and good dinner, and I am wiling tc
do my part by putting up the rice for
all these Injuries. | do put up the
price. but what do I get?
"A wife that has got the incurablc
curl paper and wrapper habit, and that !
have long since given up kissing good
bye Of a morning because ! do not care
to nibble on cold cream. also refrain
from embracing her at dinner becaust
I have no inclination toward putting
my arms around q bundle Of soiled
negligee that looks like it was overdue
at the laundry.
"We've got furniture, but there ISM
a table in the house where you couldn't
write your name in the dust, nor a floor
that is safe to walk across without trip
ping over litter of toys TINT the chill
dren have left in their way. Nobody
ever puts the books and magazines
where they belong, and the general as
pect of our domicile is that Of the tracf
of Kansas cyclone.
"As for the meals, the less said tht
better. Incompetent servants do then
deadly worst, and the day l was mar
ried dyspepsia marked me for its own
Who's the idiot that said love was i'm
mortal? I'll bet hat he wasnt mar
rIed 10 woman who waa TOO lazy to sex
about her housekeeping / tell you ths
5 you eau choke love to death ON tougi
beefsteak and give it the iauudica ol
salarstus biscuit and drown it in veal
coffee beyond the hope Of resurrection
| defy any hungry man to sit down Il
table groaning under expensive Zoo,
that's wasted ia the cooking aud fec
t his heart throh with any feeling towaro
his wife except feryert desire to ge
G up and beat her for not attmdjag t
her business.
And the children, my poor, little, dir
ty, neglected children, that are left &
servants, and to run the streets whH
their mother lies on sofa and raad
Isben aud reflects on the higher lf
when she's too triaug Il 40 ber d1t
in this one That's what bQrts most,
do what ] can for em, bata aau's poo
. left-handed brute with chi ep. The
, need mother who has got enough bus
e tie il her TO keep them healthy an
: well clothed and right in mind an
body.
J. "I'ye never got along any eouldnf
A man can't make much headwa