The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1907-07-27

''Don't take any notice of the cook,
Maria" "But, John, she's just given
Baltimore American.
do you regard that mans argu-
ments as soundY' yes" answered
Senator Sorghum; 'that and nothing
else" -Washington Star.
Mr.. Tiller-You see, the wind was 80
fierce that our yacht sail was torn to
ribbons. Miss Lighthead-Ah! see
a sail of remnants ILLUSTRATED Bits.
Kind Old Gent-What do you mean
by saying your occupations gone? Soul
weary Samuel-They've pulled down
the house used to lean against-Ally
| Sloper.
She-She Is always talking about her
mince pies. Did you ever see anything
unusual in them? He-Yes, l saw a
shoe button in one once!-Yonkers
Statesman.
At the Fair.-Give me the lunch
basket, wiley. Don't you see we are
sure to lose each other in this crowd?
Translated from Fliegende Blaetter
for The Literary Digest.
"What do you intend to do with your
automobile?" THAT doesn't concern
me-" answered the nervous man. "The
question Is, What is my automobile go
ing to do with meY" Washington
Star.
Dear, I will have to get new dress
this fall, and they say checks will be
much in demand for costumes" 1--WE
never known a time since married
you when they weren't."-Baltimor
American.
Schoolmaster Cat end Of object les
son Now can any of you tell me what
is water? Small and Grubby Urchin-
Please, teacher, waters what turns
black when you puts your lands in it,!
Dundee Advertiser.
visitor-Well, Ethel, are you going
to paint pictures like your father when
you grow up? Ethel should like to-,
but mother says one artist in the family
is quite enough for any poor woman to
put up with.-Judy.
Wears Wife (sympathizingly)-
that you can't get about, and are not
able to read, how do you manage to
occupy the time? Old Maxwell, mum,
sometimes 1 sits and thinks; and then
again just sits.-Punch.
Mother Cat end of story)-And an
angel came and fetched him away,
dear. Dear (who is going to a party
that evening)-Well, if an angel should
happen to call for me this afternoon,
please tell him I'm out.-The Taller.
Ascum-I notice you're very atten-
tive to Miss Roxley. Have you re-
ceived any encouragement? Hunter
I should say so. received authorita-
tive information that she's worth at
least half million dollars.-Exchange.
"A Question.-At teachers confer
ence in Berlin one Of the school princi-
pals rose to propose the toast, Long
live the teachers!" 'On what?" in
quired meager, pallid, young assistant
instructor, in hollow voice.-Harper's
Magazine.
Mrs. Caller-What Is your husband
mathematical job at present. Mrs.
er-Mathematical job? Mrs. Shift
less-Yes He's trying to figure out
some way to live without working
Chicago News.
"Really-er-I'm afraid you over
heard what I-er-said about you,"
stammered the gossip, who had been
caught red-handed. Perhaps Ter
was bit too severe 20! no. re-
piled the other woman, you weren't
nearly as severe as you would have
been If you knewswhat think Of YOU"
Philadelphia Press.
The schoolmaster asked the pupils:
Suppose in family there are FIVE chill
dren, and mother has only four potatoes
between them. Now she wants to give
every child an equal share. What is
she going to do?" Silence reigned in
the room. Everybody calculated very
hard, till little boy stood up and gave
the unexpected answer MASH the
potatoes, sir."-Christian Register.
Speaking of accommodating hotel
managers" remarked traveller, '.the
best ever met was in certain Mid
land town. reached the hotel late In
the evening. just before I retired II
heard scampering under the bed and
saw a couple Of large rats just escap-
Ing. | complained at the Office. The
manager was as serene as a summer
breeze. I'll make that all right, SIR
he said. johnson! Take up a cat to
room % at oncev"
One Drawback.