Waterbury evening Democrat., 1907-04-30


 edge of English, we are of the opinion that you are the one person within the I Jurisdiction of this honorable court who can safely bridge over a bottom. less legal abyss. in which our profound knowledge of Greek, Latin and San. skrit, so to speak, cuts no ice" The Respondent Loquiter: "Pchinsz. ski ujski szkoff TIT wolscowski." The Court: Sit downski and shut upski!"
 The Court to Frau Kurtz: "Now, Mrs. Kurtz, if you will find out what these fellows have been fighting about. and who struck the first lick, and which licked, and who was to blame and several things that I should like to know, you will be doing a great favor to the community"
 Mrs. Kurtz: "Aber, Herr Landvogt, l ain't tink satisfaction give can" | The Court: "Oh, yes, you are just the one to do 1t. Anyway, you go ahead and try the case and I will do just as you decide. Of course there are limits. I can't hang them or i'm. prison them for life, although hanging is really too good for any one who speaks such language, but anything reasonable I will do, such as six months Tn Jail, or $10 and costs, or some such trifle as that"
 Frau Kurtz, with the light of high purpose in her eyes, addressed com. plainant: "Hoopski Biarrki apidoff bysaski?"
 Complainant, respondent and wit nesses in disjointed chorus: 'Kachew. ski. psnar-r-r-ski tsqzrski."
 The court thunderously: "Keepski quiettoff, shutupski, oneski at time- of." After short pause Frau Kurtz resumes her examination of the plain. tiff somewhat as follows: \
 Frau Kurtz: "Hoopski doodlescoff beksqskiet," for ten minutes.
 The Complainant: "Rzszbzkzcski. brsnkaffskiet," etc, for ten minutes more, with frequent Interruptions and choral accompaniments by the re- spondent and witnesses and stern commands for "silenceski" by the court. %
 The Court: Well, Frau Kurtz, what has he said about it?"
 Frau Kurtz: "Wohl, Herr Landvogt, dose boy dey vas togedder room, und goot. und dis boy Mike he has heem knock down tree time and heem look pretty bad" s..
 The Court: Bad for Mike. Now what does Mike say?"
 Frau Kurtz, addressing Mike: Pip ski sqzskoss kacheuski schnappskoff."
 Mike, the respondent: "Bdamskij. sczrskikuskioffski," ad libitum for 15 minutes, with appropriate gestures.
 Subdued giggles from the pantry. from which the house girls peered and shook.
 The Court: Well, Frau Kurtz, what Is Mikes view of the matter?"
 Frau Kurtz: Well, Herr Landvogt, dis Mike he say dat de oder feller very dronk gewesen hat, und dis Mike he hat init him gegangen. De oder he go for holler and schrecklish swear and dam, und dis Mike he say you will arrested get, und into de lookup put, und du must helm gehen und dahin bleiben, und dat oder feller he say he want de pollissman leek, and he desire somebodee to fight. und dis Mike he say if dat is what you van will init you fight, and den Mike has heem geschlagen und heem down knocked. und den dat oder feller joomp cop und say he some more fight want, und den dis Mike hat knock heem down noder time, und den dat oder feller he booty goot cop ioomp. aber ser langsam. Wtolszkowski he vas got drook pretty und say he some more fight want, und den dis Mike hat heem geschlagen und den dat oder feller vas not again cop joomp. Den dis Mike he dis oder fel- Ter cop took, und say: Will you init mir helm gehen?' und de oder feller say: Ja wohl.' und dis Mike heem for go home very kind helped. und he his head washed und heem into bed put. und all his money took. and it into his trunk locked so dis oder feller he nicht get drunk anoSer time will. Und dat vas pretty goot ding"
 The Court: Well. Frau Kurtz. what shall l sentence him?"
 Frau Kurtz: Sentence him nodings. If it not for dis Mike de oder feller wood in jail perhaps bleiben. und mooch money to pay have. Dis Mike vas do noding but heem leek till he helm gehen und sci ruhig."
 The Court: "Yes, that may be so. ! but these fellows must understand that they can't have prize fights on the public streets" Frau Kurtz: "Ya, wohl, Herr Land i vogt, aber sic haben mir gesagt dat you wood as I say do." The Court: That's right, Frau ] Kurtz, and I will keep my agreement. but if there is murder down in Poland. . you and I will be responsible for 1t. 1 . am afraid. Now what shall we do 1 with Mike? Frau Kurtz: Dis Mike he must with | dis oder feller shook hands und dis oder feller must init dis Mike shook hands. Dis oder feller he nicht any more get droonk must, und dis Mike he must nicht any more dis oder feller schlagen."
 The Court: "All right. Frau Kurtz.