Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-02-09

teetotalers. or we drink overmuch. We
quarrel occasionally with our wives or hus-
bands, or We are too connubially affection
ate Our voices are too strident, or we are
TOO -soft-spoken. We play the horses. or
we initiate against people who do We are
ridlcuiously careful OF our diet. or we are
giuttons. We are doctors-therefore We
slaughter our patients We are LAWYERS
therefore We rob our clients We are Journal
ists-therefore We SANDER our friends We
are dentists-therefore We extract teeth
WIN the daintiness of lumberjacks dyna-
hitting tree-stImps. We are typewriter
eiris-therefore We carry on sly frtations
with our employers. We are addicted to
the theater-therefore We are stagestruck
we are Observation-Disclosures we deliver bru-
tally long sermons to slumbering or bored
congregations. We are human beings. to
sum II up, and therefore we are the natural
prey OF hyenas.
Valentines to Fit All.
There's comic valentine to ft every
| one OF us-if We need comic valentines.
The man or woman OF this era who is so
compact Of all the virtues that he or she
| Is not open to attack by any sort OF a
comic valentine simply does not belong on
this sublunary sphere
1t Is the universal liability "a attach .h.,
makes the comic valentine SO detestabIe
NOBODY Is or can be immune from that sort
OF screened mud singing. The world in
, wmch we live. the little community in
Wnlch we revoive and have our being makes
aioWahce Tor US, accepts US as We are
| pailates whatever of littleness In character
we may reveal. overlooks our physical de-
1ects by the well-bred process OF not even
seeming to notice them. gives us ali that
IS coming to us and perhaps a little more,
.ecoshlzes our counterbalancing decent
o o,a,.s ana regards us with the kindly toler-
ance or the true live-and-let-live spirit
But the comic valentine purveyors and
the comic valentine senders do not purpose
to extend this consideration to us They
are They are going to pull the skids from
beneath our self-complacency They are
gong to show us up to ourselves, one way
or the other. They are going to give us To
understand that all hands are next to
whichever of our defects physical or mem
tai or temperamental, stands out upon US
Ihey are going to seek. anyhow. even IL
they do not succeed in the job, to make us
brood over the suspicion that the whole
world-all OF our own little world of daily
commerce, that is to say-regards us in just
precisely the same way as the sender OF
the comic valentine hitting or our weak
ness, regards us.
And even IL we have attained that degree
Of philosophy which enables us to despise
the motive or the sender of the comic val
entlne after bit of reflection, there is
scarcely one among us that does not, In the
moment of surprise. take the receipt of such
mean, base document a blow in the
face. who does not before he has time to
think, feel the ping of the little anonymous
DUN dunn that has struck the vitals of his
share of amour propre we would be At to
Kill. anyhow. Even vanity has a cuticle.
and the sender of the comic valentine is the
boy who knows II.
Defects in the Famous.
No human being. one feels like repeating,
| is above or beneath one of these shafts
Had there being comic valentines In
Shakespeare's day. would not the ghoul who
traffics in these things have seen the bard
comic depicting a sot or bum" actor?
Would not Helen of Troy have got one
representing a young woman stuck on
herself?" Would not Julius Caesar have
received one labeled "Baldy?" Would not
Dante have got one representing a Re
iigious Monomaniac" or a "Bigot?' Would
not Napoleon Bonaparte have received a
comic depicting "Runt" or "Sawed-off?"-
Would not Calico have received one por-
traying "Bughouse INVENTOR" Would
not Catherine of Russia have received one
have received one marked "Girly-Gir
Would not Lucullus have received one
labeled "Glutton?" Would not Raphael
have received one marked "Dauber?'
Would not Richard the Lion heart have re-
ceived one marked Jail Bird?" Would not
Florence Nightingale have received one la
beled "Phony Nurse?' Would not Beet
hoven have received one called Key
Thumper?" Would not Charlemagne have
received one called "Overgrown Lout?"
Would not Abraham Lincoln have received
What is the difference between the comic
valentine and the anonymous letter?
The comic valentine is made to order,
that's all, and the anonymous letter has to
be manufactured.
The individual who sends the comic val
entine this week, out Of a sinking mo-
tive Of revenge or plain meanness. might
be expected to send the anonymous letter
next week or next month. when the comic
valentine season Is over and the comics are
not procurable:
A Contemplate Creature.
All civilized peoples join In looking upon
the anonymous letter writer the most
contemplate creature in the form OF a
human being. And yet the comic valentine
sender usually operates from the same mo-
tive. is actuated by the same purpose,
works behind a screen. and is in no sense.
except that Of form, different from or bet
ter than the writer Of anonymous letters.
If the world Is growing In livellness, IL
the gait at which we travel becomes con-
stantly accelerated, If there is an increas-
ing disesteem for old forms. old manners,
even old beliefs, yet the fact is not even
open to question that the world Is at the
same time growing kindlier more tolerant,
more hopeful. more broad. more square.
That's why the comic valentine is a left
over. thing that no longer belongs. There
fore, why shouldn't the comic valentine be
cut out?
The question is respectfully submitted by
one who-contrary to the belief which
might have been formed by those who have
patiently read this complaint through to
the end-has never received one OF the
things In his life, by some good fortune
which he is quite unable to analyze or I'M
derstand.
But he has seen a good many other people
and a good deal better people-stabbed
by them. CLARENCE L. CULLEN.
Unsatisfactory Recruiting in England
From the Court Journal.
In spite of all that has been done to i'm