The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1907-08-03
SOME AFTER DINNER STORIES.

| SOME AFTER DINNER STORIES.
| A New Yorker, who is accustomed
each year to pass a few weeks with a
farmer in Dutchess county, says that
once, In notifying the latter of his in
tention to make the usual visit, he
wrote as follows:
There are several little matters
That l should like to see changed if
my family and I decide to spend our
vacation at your home. We don't
Ike the girl Martha. And in the
second place, we do not think that it
!; sanitary to have pig-sty SO near
the house."
In reply, the farm said: Martha
vent last week. We amt had no hogs
since you were here last September" +"
When Henry Clay was stumping
Kentucky for reelection, at one Of
his mass meetings an old hunter of
| wide political inAuanoe, oaid .sasSysii
Harry, I've always been for you, but
because ofthat vote (Which he named),
I'm goin' ag'in you."
"Let me seeyour rife," said Clay.
1t was handel to him.
"Is she good rife?"
YES"
"Did she ever miss fret"
"Well. YES. Once.v
why didn't you throw her away?"
The old hunter thought moment,
and then said Harry, I'll try you
again."
And Harry was elected.
A well.known architect, who re-
sides on Wayne avenue, Germantown,
and who frequently delivers lectures
on the art of building, a few evenings
ago had just illustrated to an audi
ence the beauties of the Cologne ca
thedral, when he thought of an ex-
perience he had on similar occasion.
''It was at the conclusion of one of
my lectures" he told his hearers,
THAT an apparently refined and cul-
tured woman came to me, explaining
that she, too, was student of archi-
lecture. She was profuse in her
thanks to me for enlightening her on
one point that she had never been
able to understand before. L have
always wondered, she said to me,
where the Colonial style of architec-
ture came from. Now, of course,
see that it comes from Cologne.
At a recent dinner in Philadelphia,
Archbishop Ryan and Rabbi Joseph
Krauskopf were seated side by sideE
In front of them was one of those
celebrated Virginia hams which make
tbs mouths of men water.
Turning to his neighbor, the arch
bishop inquired graciously:
"My dear Rabbi, when may help
you to some of this delicious ham?"
With ever-ready wit, the rabbi
smilingly replied:
cat your wedding, your grace"
Under tall sycamore in an old
fashioned New England graveyard lie
the bones of once distinguished law
yer. His grave is marked only with
a plain headstone containing his name
and his epitaph;
"Here lies lawyer and an honest
man."
An Irishman invaded the buryiug
place one day and, after reading the
epitaph second time remarked:
"There must be two men in that
grave"
An Irishman. wishing to take a
homestead" and not knowing just
how to go about it, sought informa-
ton from friend, says Eve,y6ody'S.
"Mike," he said, you've taken a
homestead an 1 thought maybe ye
could tell me tn law concerning how
to go about it."
"Well, Dennis, 1 don't reminder
th' exact wordin' Nv tn law, but 1
can give ye tn manin' NV it. Th'
manin' Nv it is this: Th' govern
mint is willin' t bet ye 100 acres NV
land agin $I4 thot ye can't live on it
FIVE years wild out starvin' to death.
The following is ascribed to our
old friend Mark Twain:
"Well, young man, I'll give you a
little advice, and to illustrate my
point I'll tell you little story, and
you can draw the moral to suit your
self. I went to church once, and the
minister preached sermon about the
poor heathen. The sermon touched
me, and 1 thought I'd just give that
hundred dollars had in my pocket
toward helping the poor heather.
But the minister kept on preaching,
and my enthusiasm began to drop. So
did my hundred dollars, twenty-five
dollars at a time, until there was
nothing left for the poor heather |!
And the minister was still talking,
and by the time the the plate was
passed had to sneak a nickel from
it, to get even.
A prisoner was brought before a
magistrate. He looked around and
discovered that his clerk was absent.
"Here, officer" he said, whats
this man charged with 7"
"Bigotry, your honor" replied the
policeman. "He's got three wives"
The magistrate looked at the officer
as if astounded at such ignorance.
"Why, officer" he said, "that's
not bigotory-that's trigonometry."
The philanthropical Fifth avenue
lady was visiting lower east side
Sunday school. To test the aptness
of particularly INDECENT cluster of
pupils, she took the class in hand to
question them.
U0h;1dra,, ~udiNd &c tho 0roofacf Of