The Washington herald., 1907-05-26

mind you off,
Dinner I cried promptly. fiicking the
pony's ear.
Kitty dropped her hands In her lap ana
regarded me shudderingly. l knew on the
instant that what I should have said was
"a Boldini color sketch" or "a Pannier
pasteT'-but It was too late.
Men" she remarked, IN her most frigid
'T-scorn-thee" manner, "are so MATERIAL
That's better" I retorted. cheerfully,
dropping my whip in the socket than
belng-immaterial for instance
TITS Impossible" declared Kitty, with
erinsly. ito be both. I suppose" she
continued. with fine scorn, that pink
sky would remind you of-broiled lob
ster."
"Oh, no." protested mildly. 'Neapoh-
tan Zee cream or strawberry Jam
And daisy field would suggest lemon
meringue pie; and green forest, Ro-
maine salad; and a flock Of sheep, braised
mutton; and a mountain goat"
Tin cans"' l broke in, enthusiastically
Ugh Kitty blew the ends OF her
chiffon veil out Of her mouth, and tried
10 look haughtlly disdainful.
But" I continued with a determination
20 look on the cheerful side of the thing.
1T doesn't matter so much about mans
being material. as WHAT material
Most Of them" exclaimed Kitty, "are
wooden"
Not al all" objected, some Of them
are iron; and others are mush or
putty"
"Or brass" put in Kitty with a signih-
cant glance at me,
"Cr bricks" added, "or all wool and
yard wide
You can't make an impression on a
wooden man." interrupted Kitty, attempt
ing to return to the original subject
Not without boring him" [ agreed.
"And then" she sighed, you usually
find that he is hollow. I pity women who
are married TO wooden men,
do you know any?" l inquired, hum
bly,
Lots OF Them" returned Kitty. prompt
ly. Most husbands nowadays are merely
part of the furniture"
Household ornaments l suggested.
Exactly" agreed Kitty. Look at he
CaTletOHs. for instance. Mrs. Carleton
has all the money and does all the think
ing and most Of the lovemaking-
And all the talking" I interpolated.
And Mr.. Carleton is a mere figure
head?'
Well, he's a deuced fine figure! 'I
exclaimed, admiringly.
And an awfully poor head" declared
Kitty
"As for that" I argued. obstinately. ii
IS an awfully poor woman who wants
head nowadays. The majority of them
prefer an annex 20 lord and master.
And even the most shrinking ot them arc
willing to marry on the cooperative
plan.
'The-what?" Kitty disentangled herself
from her chiffon streamers and looked up
at me inquiringly
"Fhe mutual business arrangement" /
explained. whereby husband and wife
share the labors, the costs. the profits
and-the h0nors. Look at the women in
downtown Offices who have husbands
tucked away somewhere. and the society
men who are living in houses owned by
their wives and riding in automobiles paid
for by their father-in-law \ woman
doesn't seem 10 seek a husband any
longer for his useful qualities. but for
his decorative possibilities. She picks out
a helpmeet as she would a newell post or
Il mautlepieCe. for his imposing front and
his general attractiveness-
And according 90 his cut and color,
rather than his weight" put I'm Kitty.
And for such purposes I agreed, %
wooden one will do as well as any other
Until" reioined Kitty cynically. "she
needs something to lean on and cling to
and discovers she has only a-stump"'
"A vine can cling as gracefully 70 a
stump as 20 live tree" I averred
promptly. And, besides" I added. cling
ing has gone out Of fashion-eXcept as a
pose Women can support themselves. IL
most cases, better than men can support
them: and they've long ago lost the
shrinking disposition that made them need
real protection"
Then what do they want husbands for
at ALP asked Kitty bluntly.
Il suppose" I returned soothingly. "be-
cause home isn't complete without one
any more than It is without a cuckoo
clock or a cat, A husband adds TO the
appearance Of a domestic establishment
He gives il prestige. He is a handy Oh
ject with which to threaten the ianitor
and keep the bellbov awed and the butler
subdued. 1t is much nicer to be able to
dent or rebelIious. I will report YOU 10
Mr.. Smith, than to threaten him with a
policeman. And the simple remark that
Mr.. Jones is displeased' with his work
will make a much deeper impression on
the gardener than anything you might
do or say on your own account Besides.
look at the effect a husband has on the
general public. To walters, he represents
q tip; 70 cabmen. he stands for a big fee
They display twice the alacritv in obey
ing his slightest word than they would
show in responding TO the boldest orders
Of an unattached female. He IS a club
with which to frighten the landlord when
you want repairs or improvements put on
the house. passport TO the best hotels. a
figure of justice and retTibutiOn with which
20 awe the children. It's q husband that
gives woman her place in society and
procures for her the regard and consd-
Grafton Of the working classes and the
respect Of her family. The most expen-
sive husband a woman ever purchased
is worth the price even II he does moth
ing but show himself occasionally at din
ner or appear with her in public now and
then"
YES" sighed Kitty. thoroughly beaten.
"even a dead husband gives widow
some sort Of advantage over an old
maid"
And the more husbands you have
had" I added. "the more fashionable and
impressive you are Mrs. Smith Green
Jenkins-Jones. for instance, stands twice
the chance Of becoming a leader in the
smart set than plain Mrs. Robinson
stands A collection of names adds as
much lUster 10 woman as a string OF
Carnegie medals. They are so many
feathers In her cap so many signs Of at
tainment: and ike diamonds at the opera
or the horse show. their quality doesn't
count half so much as their quantity"
But they are a terrible responsibility
put in Kitty
"What-the names2"
No the husbands corrected Kitty
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