The Washington herald., 1907-09-29
Maria'S Midnight Lecture.
LECTURE NO. 7.

pitch, without putting on your flannel
undershirt. I know you were asleep all
this afternoon. and I noticed you ate
all that dinner brought up to you. so I
think you must be feelin' some better.
Your brain hurts? You mean your
head. don't you. Job-yOu can be GER
tain you've got a head, but you amt SO
sure about the other thing.
After I got the dishes done and
scrubbed the kitchen floor and put the
children 10 bed and darned some clean
socks for you and ironed a nice waist
for little Haley and a petticoat for
little Emily, I just sat down and went
over the news Of the week and thought,
maybe. you'd like 20 talk things over a
little before you went to sleep I do
so like TO hear your views on things.
you're so informing.
Il don't see that the British have so
much 70 crow about. do you. just be-
cause the Bishop of London beat Mr.
Roosevelt playing tennis. Course. I
know that AIr. RoOsevelt's our cham
pion President, champion hay pitcher.
champion coal stoker. champion nature
writer. champion bear hunter, and all
that. but l never heard that he held
any tennis championship medals No
wonder a bishop can play lawn tennis
with his lawn sleeves; and, Of course.
the President had 10 play in his regu-
lar costume. I don't see how he keeps
bis spurs from punching holes in the
tennis balls. I've often wondered
whether he takes his revolvers of when
he plays. DO you think so. Job?
Perfectly scandalous. I call II. that
Mr. Fairbanks was beaten out for lay
delegate to the Methodist Conference.
OF course, 81 was those cocktails did it,
though they never did find out who
drunk 'em. think it's high time Mr.
Loeb was made 10 tell-snd We don't
even know whether they were what you
call Manhattans OF dry Martins, Loeb
is always making a mess OF things.
Sull, It does seem strange that the
Vice President should have been beaten
-everything bad that happens is put
on his Shoulders; maybe that's why
they call him the Vice. still. bet there
was something loose about his machine
organization. Now there's Mr. Hearst:
he's been a Democrat. and a Bryan
Democrat; that's another thing entire
ly; and he's been half a socialist and
sometimes labor man, and he's fiirted
a little bit with the capitalistic party,
and now he's going % start a brand
new party, all Of his own. bet that
his machineu work all right. and that
he'll be his first party's nominee for
the Presidency. I tell you, Job, all
these things you've been talking over
with me week after week are giving me
a fine idea about politics. I bet I'll
really know something about the next
campaign.
I'm so sorry about poor Mr.. Upton
and his yacht race; they say the New
York Yacht Club won't play with him
Some Of the members think that he
only wants 10 advertise his tea, but I
can't see where that matters; mighty
few Of EN- drink tea, anyway. Sir
Thomas was quite right IN not wanting
10 buy another freak boat As he says.
II would endanger the lives OF good
men and true TO sail her across the
water-maybe he was thinking O. COM
ing IN her himself.
Them New York men have made
the rules too hard. It all seems kinder
queer 20 me, but they want a boat
that's ninety feet overall-you under
stand that. Of course-and her sail area
must equal the spread from the bobstay
TO the mizzen-gaff and equal her
draught Of water plus the capacity OF
her ballOon-jib, Now. don't see how
any boat can sail across the Atlantic
with all that. do You? And here's a
funny thing: II costs d million dollars
to build the boat. and the cups worth
about $500 Why doesn't Mr.. Upton
buy a cup of his own? 7 wonder did
the Bishop of London win a cup for
his tennis match with the President
II he did, he might demand that the
next match be played on the grounds
at Lambeth Palace, and stipulate that
Mr.. Roosevelt, the challenger, should
carry his racket all the way over.
don't think it's fair.
Seems to me. Job. that the Presi-
dent isn't staying long al the White
House this time. hardly has time TO
visit his folks, I should think. Now
he's off down the Mississippi River TO
hunt bears. They've got five bears IN 3
pen down there In Joe's Bayou, and
they're getting 'em nice and fat ag'in
the time Mr.. Roosevelt can get there.
He's not quite sure yet. I understand.
he can do the heroic deed
more mercifully with a Winchester 81
and a soft-nosed bullet, or whether he
hadn't better take the Mayfiower up
the bayou and kill 'em of with a Cat
lin. anyway, you bet them bearskins'H
be on the White House floor before
long.
Headache, Job! That's because
you've been sleeping too long and
eatin' too much. You'll feel better after
a little intelligent conversation, and I
do so love 10 hear you talk, Job. Here.
sit up a bit and I'll give you the med
cine the doctor ordered-there. now,
yOull feel better.
Have you noticed how Gov. Magoon
put down the rebellion in Cuba? I see
he's arrested PARA Ducasse, and
Miret; the last one sounds TO be like
& woman. but reckon Cuba amt got
no Joan Of Arcs down there. wonder
what the Cubans was rebeIling for;
surely we've treated EN- nice enough.
cleaned their streets for them. sent Mr..
Taft down there to comfort 'em, and
We buy their tobacco. know you've
spent a lot Of money for that Cuban
tobacco you chew that ought to have
gone into the household expenses. And,
as 1 told you. Emily's just got TO have