davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22
How'd You Llke 70 Be the Ice Man

The butt Of rideule. the target for
barbed and poisoned darts of satire and
sarcasm, the ehopping block for joke
smiths, and the universally aeknowl-
edged black sheep Of the business world,
the ice man has srod his pathway. never
theless, for all these years as naughty,
serene, and unafraid as any cloven-hoof
oppressor the world e'er knew. Upon
staggering wealth wrung from the help
less masses through the medium of inf
Intestinal chunks Of trapped aqua pura
given in exchange for hard-earned cash
has he grown opulent and waxed ex-
tremely fat and sassy" too.
But now It is "23 for him. and like
wise "skidOO" 10 his exclusive AFRO
gance. His fate is sealed his finish is in
sight; his erstwhlle glory shall fade
away and become as nothing, II not less
For this is what has come to pass:
''Rhinelander. Wis, Aug ~. NJ Darow. con
neetcd with the Paper mills here. claims TO have
discovered waste product Of the mills prepara-
tion which win preserve ice indefinitely Housekeep
erS with this preparation 10 hand can buy cake
OF ice. coat it, and have no need 70 trouble the
ice man again all summer"
We have entertained, for many moons,
an idea that some such good fortune as
this awaited Us somewhere along life's rug
ged road. We have never been able to be-
lleve that we should be required 10 grope
GRAVEYARD until we tumbled in. and never
know the quality Of some sort Of sweet
revenge upon this cold and cruel ty-
rant. We have doled out our largest and
most beautiful coins in exchange for his
microscopic blocks OF ice with such pa
tience as we were able to summons,
buoyed Up by an abiding faith that all
would yet come well and sustained by
an unwavering loyalty to the theory OF
the eternal fitness of things.
And at last revenge has come; and
such sweet revenge, at that. How de-
lightful it Will be TO purchase some sew
EN- dollars worth OF ice. coat it with
this mysterious but thrice blessed prep
aration. and then sit day after day and
watch this baron's hired minions drive
along with bell a-clang or horn a-toot
only 10 be greeted by our CLASSY stare
and the disdalnful and unrecognizing
CLINT IN our steel-blue eyes! BY the great
horn spoon. but it will be a happy, hap
py day,
Soft! Horrible thought, Suppose the
man patents his discovery and seeks 10
retail II at some unattainable price.
Or, worse than that. suppose the ice man
buys the patent and suppresses the sale
entirely. But. no. The discoverer can
not be such a man as that, He, too.
has had his troubles with the ice man.
and he would not deny his fellow-crea-
lures the boon he must so long 10 enjoy
himself.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22

An example of the uncertainty which
attends many things of a tactical nature
In the navy Is AFFORDED by the varying
sentiment attaching to the submerged
torpedo. 1t was not long ago that the
naval experts were found clamoring for
the maximum number of submerged tor
pedo tubes. They went so far in their
iinsistence that ships which were not sup
piled with them ot which were supplied
with some and considered as requiring
more were marked for the Improvement
Of having at least four tubes. 1t was
considered that this form of armament
was absolutely necessary for the purpose
Of successfully conducting offensive work,
and IL was a theory that naval warfare
would be at torpedo range AS matter
OF fact. the navy had no torpedoes. and
the solitary private source of supply was
capable CT turning out not more than
200 year. with very little prospect that
more than half that number will ulti-
mately be obtainable from the torpedo
/ factory which has just been started at
Newport, r. l.
Since that time. the naval battles In
Asiatic waters between Russian and Japa-
I,nese ships showed that fighting would be
at long ranges, with absolutely no oppor-
tunity TO get in a play with ths torpedo.
This has required the naval experts 70
modify their former theory, and now 1t is
considered wise 70 limit the torpedo tubes,
with the chance that every emergency
will be fully met by having two of these
submerged tubes. The torpedo has It's
undoubted uses when 1t may be directed
with effect at target within range, but
the conservative naval view adheres TO
the theory which it has expressed all
along, that the submerged torpedo is a
weapon the value OF which is largely de-
rived from its moral effect.
Perhaps it would be a contribution to
naval economy IL the conservative naval
view prevailed more enduringly.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22
INSPIRED BY THE HERALD.

Lon Angeles Express: Things are quiet
at Oyster Bay" says The Washington
Herald. The very idea OF referring to Mr..
Roosevelt and Mr.. Loeb as things"
Macon Telegraph: Down South the idea
appears to be TO make hard cider even
harder than ever-to get.-Washington
Herald BY the way, the legislature for
got "hard cider" and there are lots of
''drunks' in IT,
New York Mail. The Washington Her
AID observes the Atlanta Georgian.
seeks to permanently enioin the Geor-
gian upon the fimsiest and most specious
Of technical points" Flimsier and more
specious than a split infnitive?
Montgomery Advertiser: The Washing
ton Herald and the Richmond Times-Dis-
patch both object to the Atlanta Geor-
gian's bard who rhymed haunt her
with Atlanta" BY the way. what is II
that is going to ''hant her?" Departed
spirits" after January !?
Bristol Herald-Courier: Evidently the
Old Volunteer State means to keep Car
mack where she can put her hand on him
in emergencies" says The Washington
Herald. She means to DO more than that.
She viii put him where the whole coun-
try can keep in close touch with him.
Nashville American: Senator Bob
Taylor's voice may be for war" says The
Washington Herald. but we know that
= heart is for peace, happiness. sun
shine, and roses. Also, it might not be
a bad guess to add some three fingers OF
the same and a family-sized Watauga
watermelon.
Austin Statesman: The Washington
Herald is but putting the country upon
notice as to what is to be reasonably ex-
pected when it says Il will not be a great
while before a number of people will be
returning home from the summer resorts
in order 10 get little much needed rest.
What fools we mOrtals be! Go of for
rest, but have TO come home 10 get It.
Columbia State: The Richmond Times
Dispatch marvels because a Georgia bard
rhymes haunt her" with Atlanta" and
The Washington Herald reminds that
paper that In Atlanta haunt her is pro-
nounced chant 'er" 1t is worse than
that. II is pronounced in a manner that
makes a perfect rhyme with the last two
syllableS Of Atlanta ''-"hanta" No poet
could desire a smoother or a more nearly
perfect rhyme.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22
THURSDAY. AUGUST p. 1897.
william Jennings Bryan.

The Washington Herald is not enamored Of Mr..
Bryan and does not contemplate his Presidential
candidacy with especial enthusiasm. But The Her
aid IS honest enough TO deal Justly with the Ne
braskan. and frank enough 10 aOurd him the
bFeat prominence and popularity which he enjoys
The foregoing. from the Bristol Cva)
Herald-Courier, calls for a few remarks
on our part, as il falls short OF the truth.
Not being a partisan paper. The Wash
ington Herald is engaged in no President
making mission. If mot enamored of Mr..
Bryan" il at least holds him in high
respect. If it does not contemplate his
Presidential candidacy with especial en-
thusiasm," IL az any rate views it with
perfect complacency. AS for dealing just
IS, &c, with him. that is this paper
attitude toward all men, high or low. and.
being manifestly the correct attitude of
any honest newspaper, IL does not really
deserve the pleasing recognition the Her
ald-Courier gives il.
But there is a further word 10 say on
this subject:
There is not a particle Of doubt. in the
judgment Of this paper, at this moment.
that Mr.. Bryan will lead his party again
IN 1905. He may not be elected President
probably viii not be-but it is clear as
the MONDAY sun that he is Infinitely
stronger than at any previous stage of his
remarkable career. There IS no other
Democrat now in sight-not excepting Mr..
Watterson's man Johnson with or with
out a mustache), or the good Southern
Democrat whom all of US would like to
see in the Tunning-Who begins 10 meas
ure up 10 Mr.. Bryan In availability Not
one
Bryan, in the next campaign, in the
opinion OF The Washington Herald. will
give any Republcan-any but Roosevelt
the race Of his life. With Taft. or Knox.
or Fairbanks carrying the competing
standard, we candidly believe that he will
poll vote larger by many thousands than
he received in the memorable race Of
1896, when a support was given him IN
precedented in the history OF the Demo-
cratic party. He has grown since then.
Ills wonderful personality has impressed
Itself upon the country He Is still grow
Ing. He is appraised to-day-rightly ap-
praised, We think-as one Of the really
SAN-tN i.iVu VI ilt times Ills opponents
singular as 1t may seem, put a higher .ap-
pratsement upon his strength, his run
ming strength, than do the more promi-
nent members Of his own party. Witness
the serious treatment he received al the
hands Of Secretary Of War Taft.
Bryan is the Roosevelt Of the Demo-
cratic party. Next 10 the President. he IS
the foremost popular idol He has worn
well, IN spite OF his mistakes. We do not
share the oft-heard opinion that Roose-
welt appropriated Bryans ideas. Their
views are widely at variance on many
things. Both have exerted a most whole
some influence in this country Of ours
Bryan's radicalism perhaps is the more
pronounced-certRinly It IS in some d.
Tections-but nevertheless. he is con-
servative enough for all practical pur-
poses IN the strange political crisis now
confronting US He fits the hour and the
day, and the Republicans are sure 10 find
81 out
This. then, is what we think Of william
Jennings Bryan.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22
NOTES AND NOTIONS.
From the Baltimore American.
TRUE FRIENDS,

ffom the Baltimore American
TRUE FRIENDS.
I have tried the boasted friendship OF
man,
And the love Of woman. too;
have found them in adversely false,
Only In good luck true
have tested love in all its shape,
Devotion Of every stripe,
And I've found II only in real friends
two
My dog and my old clay pipe.
Ny friends were mine for the summer
day,
They vanished with coming frost;
And love that was mine in my golden
hour,
Away in the storm was tossed.
Only two stayed to comfort me
When misfortune seemed most ripe
Only TWO cared for me alone
Ny dog and my old clap pipe.
On the fragrant whins Of smoke. my
trials
Seemed borne In peace away:
And the loving eyes OF my dear, dumb
friend
Took ali loneliness away.
SO fate can take what II likes from me.
Snatch fortune in cruel gripe:
care not as long as it leaves TO me
My dog and my old clap pipe
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22
Prince Rantjitsinhji.

One OF the best examples Of the highly
educated HindU is Prince Rantjitsinhji,
who was educated at oxford and has
lived in England for some years. where he
mas gained a reputation as an all-around
British sportsman. He Is a good sailor
and owns a speedy yacht; beat Roberts,
the English champion. at billiards ones.
and is one OF the most famous OF Eng
lands cricketers. owing 10 the recent
death OF his father, he is now the Jam Of
Nawanagar. and has gone to India 10
take up his new title and digniues.
When the King Of England's horse lost
the Derby. Prince Ranjitslnhji was said
20 have bet $4,000 on his chances. He
was invited into the royal box after the
race and he commiserated his majesty on
losing. I hear that you lost rather heav-
ily, too, Prince" said the king. i am
sorry 10 treat my guest so Ill" It's
nothing" said the prince. Il am glad
! lost the wager I had promised myself
If lost that 1 would contribute an equal
sum to your majesty's hospitals" And
sure enough, next day a check for S50.000
went forward 70 a charity hospital in
which King Edward was interested as a
patron.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22
Field for Tariff study.

From the ST. Louis Republic
II is hoped that the approaching Ea-
ropean tour Of tariff study by Assistant
Secretary Reynolds Of the Treasury De
partment, VIII prove pleasant and in
structive. But the most profitable field
for tariff study by the administration Is
out here in the West. where most Of the
Republicans and all OF the Democrats
agree with Secretary Taft that no man
can be elected President next year who
does not favor doing away with Dingley-
ism.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22
MEN AND THINGS.
FrIend OF Juage Lanal..


Mr.. Thomas z. Davidson, Of Green's
burg. Ind. who has been on a visit TO
Washington friends. takes peculiar In
terest in the action Of Judge Kenesaw
Mountain Lands. In connection with the
Standard OIL case Mr.. Davidson was
at one time a clerical associate. room
mate, and eonhdant Of Judge Lands,
Il have always taken a keen interest in
his career" says Mr. Davidson. ever
since we went to school together out in
Indiana, and when the boys all used to
call him Squire Lands, because Of his
judicial manner" While they were asso-
ciated in a wholesale warehouse. Mr.
DAVIDSON and Judge Lands used 10 dis
cuss their ambitions as to careers. Mr..
Davidson finally branched out into the
law, and many letters passed between the
two friends while he was at law school,
and Lands was clerk in the postoffice
at Cincinnati When Mr.. Davidson got
his 'sheepskin." and began 10 feel that
he was a real lawyer, lands began 10
seek his advice concerning the law for
career. Davidson advised him TO plunge
into it and he did And he has carved
out a brilliant career" says Mr.. David
son. Several times since he has been on
the bench 1 have visited him in Chicago,
and as I sat by his side, have marVelled
al the remarkable manner in which he
grasped situations and handled cases.
Mr. Davidson does not believe that
Judge Lands has any political ambitions,
and is convinced that he would rather
stick to the law and the bench than 10
make a try for the best political office
possible
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22
ARE you GOING AWAY?

Subscribers who leave the city
temporarily should have The
Washington Herald matted 20
them. Addresses will be changed
as often as requested. You can
not keep fully informed about
affalrs IN Washington unless
your paper follows you.
Before leaving. mail or tele-
phone your address to this Of
fee.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22

From the Chicago Record Herald
1t is well that the Federal government
has turned its attention to the question
Of facilitating the distribution OF the ad-
mltted aliens. Whether we restrict i'm
migration further or leave the law as II
is. the Importance of checking congestion
IN the eastern cities and States. and OF
preventing conditions that inevitably
beget misery, crime, filth, and disease is
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22

a method OF settling international dis
putes. The agreement between the United
States and Great Britain should inspire
the delegates TO the peace conference to
perfect a permanent court OF arbitration
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22
1t was Fatal.

Tn trying to find a place for my cook.
as we are breaking up Housekeeping. She
is industrious and capable. and only
wants $iS per month"
''Tll take-take-oof."
And poor subbubs fell 10 the pavement
and expired.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22

Japan has found another profitable in
dustry in the mining Of antimony. which
she is rapidly developing by cheap lat-or.
and which she is offering at a much
cheaper rate than ever before On the mar
kets Of the world. Most Of the antimony
hitherto has come from Pinerolo, near
Turin, and throughout the Sardinian Isl
ands Italian antimOny has shown q
great decline in value owing 10 the Japan
ese competition. Japan Offering IL at SO
a quintal fof 220 pounds. To keep their
industry alive Italian dealers have had 10
meet THIS price. though two months ago
the Italian price OF antimony was three
times higher than at present. The quail
ity OF japanese anumOny is said 10 be
as good as that Of any other.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22

From the Providence Journal
it seems to be overlooked by some
Of the controversiallists that in the mat
ter of its so-called crusade against GER
tain corporate interests the government
is only seeking TO punish violations Of
the yaw and to compel obedience to them
fer the future.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22

IF Rudyard Kipling has won the Nobel
literature prize. II cannot be for any
thing he has written lately" says the
Baltimore Sun. Perhaps the judges think
Rudyard deserves a prize for so rigidly
limiting his recent output.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22
MR.. ROOSEvELTS SPEECH.
Much Criticism of His References TO
Wall street "MaIefactors.v

From The New York Evening Post
II Is ineonceivable 10 US that the Pres
ident could have let loose on the world
at this Juneture such an ill-timed and
unhappily Dhrased speech, II he had IN
derstood the nature OF the financial crisis
now causing anxiety in the markets Of
every civilized country. HIS lack OF
business experience never stood him in
worse stead. A consummate politician
ne knows how to weigh political effects
accurately. The roar OF approval with
which the more unthinking west will
greet his soaking IL 10 Wall street" he
Is doubtless sure of and proud of in ad
vance. But financial effects. near and
remote. he has never given any evidence
OF having studied. he condemns "ef-
fortress ease, but is himself a sad illus
tration Of it in the way in which he dis
misses. without understanding them the
arguments which I'LL bankers with appre
hension and make fnanciers haggard.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22
A SeriouS Bar

I say" cried the Patent Medicine Ad..
here's wall 20 our progress. isn't
there?"
Yes" replied his neighbor. the Vaude-
vile Poster, there is a wall. and we're
up against it,"
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22

I understand that fake band leader
has promised 10 have fine string or
chestra at Easys entertainment"
"oh, he'll keep the contract. He'll
string EN- ali right"
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22

What the South wants Is better
railroad accommodation" says a South
ern contemporary. Doubtless that ex-
plains why certain States Of the South
are proceeding so diligently along the
sure road not 70 get Il.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22
Water Ways Increasing.

A sign that railroads have not entirely
superseded transportation by water
which. if slower is infinitely cheaper. is
seen by the fact that more canal projects
IL various countries are mOOted than
ever before. The old plan Of a ship canal
scross the narrowest part Of Scotland
has been revived, and business interests
Of Glasgow and Edinburgh are strongly
In favor Of it. Glasgow has one plan of
cutting the canal at a cost of $4,000. 900
Edinburgh has another which calls for an
expenditure of SS5.000,000. Originally 1t
was suggested that the existing Forth
and Clyde barge canal should be en-
larged into a tide canal, without locks.
at a cost of S7O,O00,Oe9 The cost has
barred progress so far. but the value to
commerce would be 50 great that the
project has every chance of success.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22

The Houston Post is no.y Dragging
about its great 'watermillionaires." And
yet Mr. Edward II. Hartman, the great
est specimen OF the genus at large in this
country, is not native Texan,
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22

One Of the biggest automobile firms in
the country has been thrown into the
hands Of n receiver because OF lack Of
capital Evidently some automobile
manufactures are as hard 70 keep going
as some automobiles.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22

Owing 10 absence over which IL had
10 report that It Is not responsible for
the reported increased per capita circu-
lation OF yen in Japan.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22

And what" said Wandering Willie to
his friend, Plundering Pete. is our dear
comrade, Meandering Nike doing now?"
Tn not sure. replied Plunderlng Pete,
hut I think he is doing time"
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22
Not Likely.

Cant Dick and Mabel patch up their
quaTrel?"
I'm afraid not. proposed they should
patch It up. but Dick said he didn't care
a darn"
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22
a summer Girl.

Who is Pauline engaged to now?"
a Cadillac"
Broke 1t OF with the Panhard, eh?"
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22

The New York World demands TO know
when the President proposes to give the
legitimate business interests a breathing
spell" The legitimate interests are all
right; only the illegitimate interests are
having spells" just now.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22

Did you wire that skeleton. as told
you to?" asked the preceptor.
I didn't see the use of trying, doc" an
swered the lazy student. Haven't you
heard about the telegraphers' striker
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22

In aristocratic English society, Amer
lean women are said 10 be the most un-
fortunate In games OF chance" Doubt
less this refers 10 the international mar
riage game, principally.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22
Annronrinte-

why do so many dentists call their Of
fee dental parlors2"
Well, come 10 think Of il. a dentists
office is a drawing room, isn't it?''
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22

Dr. Long should not squirm under the
Presidents apology" None of the gem
tlemans fellow -Ananiases can show a bet
ter one.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22

One Of the greatest things in connection
with Mr. Roosevelt's administration is
the fact that the country has learned not
to jump out Of its skin every time Wall
street says boot
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22

1t is to be hoped the thieves who re-
lieved Uncle Sans mail Of S250,O0 recently
VIII not claim when caught that they
were merely souvenir postal-card col
lectors.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22

Did anybody ever see a girl driving
with a one-armed man?" asks a contem-
porary. Certainly; when the man has only
one arm, the girl generally does the driv-
ing
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22

1T IS reported that the chimpanzee
which was dlned at Newport has since
died Of shame, says the Atlanta Journal.
Acute indigestion, more likely.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
THE GOOD FELLOW.

THE GOOD FELLOW.
His wife must needs
Scrimp. patch. and mend,
For his heart bleeds
For every friend.
Around he goes
With mournful mug
About the woes
OF some poor pug"
Take tickets for
The Yeggmens ball7
Correct you are;
He'll take 'em all.
A shining prey,
The best Of marks,
He draws his pay
To feed the sharks.
well. Bill, here's luck!"
The glassware sinks.
His babes they've stuck
For countless drinks.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22

We trust that no one will accuse The
Washington Herald's new near-poet Of
nature-faking simply because he triIls
OF roses that "climb trees" At most.
that may be excused upon the ground
of near-poetical license.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22

An irate Georgia Senator complains bit
tarly that his colleagues were BUTTON
hCled and toe-trodden by Hoke Smith"
from which remark 1t is safe to conclude
that the governor also stepped on the
said Senator's toes somewhere along the
line
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22
Auife an old HnchelOI

Has your friend never married."
"Onct or twict, I believe" answered the
81. Louis man. Hes something OF
woman hater"
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22

A race-suicide wave is reported 10 be
spreading over Germany says the Chi
cago Record-Herald. II the Emperor
is not careful this may upset the entente
cordIale between his country and this
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22

ANY steT taken by the President is
not the res II Of an hours deiiberation. -
SAYS Secretary Taft Really, Mr.. Secre-
tary, is that intended for a boost or a
knock?
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22

Work is progressing so rapidly down
in Panama that Il is now thought the
canal will reach its finish not later than
the completion of the new District Of
Columbia building, some day to grace
Pennsylvania avenue
The Washington herald., 1907-08-22

A magazine writer finds that there are
fewer victims Of contagious diseases in
the Philippines since Uncle sam took
charge Naturally. there are consid-
erably fewer Filipinos