davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
LIVE FROG IN His STOMACH.
Baltimore Negro Swallowed 1t Months
AGO ana SILL ,,as Il.

Baltimore Negro Swallowed 1t Months
Ago ana SILL Hss II.
Robert Bennett. colored. who is Il
patient 1T the TroviGent hospital in
Baltimore, is suffering. according to i
statement made by him. from an un
usual afiiction. that of Il live frog in
his stomach. Bennett is sixty-nine
years of age. He said that he had
been treated by Il number of local ply
sicianS and also at the Johns Hopkins
hospital for relief from the unwelcome
guest in his interior, but without re-
suits. He made the following state
ment:
Il swallowed the frog in a bucket Of
water from an artesian we'll some
months ago. After I had drunk from
the bucket l noticed several Jumps in
the bottom Of the vessel, and upon ex-
aiming them I found that they were
alive. Several days later l was seized
with a strange feeling in my stomach
and later could distinctly feel a move
ment. l went to a doctor, who gave
me some medicine, and after taking 1t
for several days l was relieved of nine
frogs about half an inch in length. I
have preserved them in alcohol. With
in a few days the movement in my
stomach began again, and I could dis
tinctly feel the frog moving around
and in fact can feel 1t now while l am
talking to you. I then went to the
Johns Hopkins hospital and was given
treatment there for two months, which
relieved me, and l thought I was all
right. The frog. however, was not
killed and began moving around again
in my stomach and abdomen.
II then tried another doctor. and he
again relieved me for a short while,
but the relief was only temporary,
and the frog again troubled me. l
then consulted a physician whom l
had known for some time, and he adj
vised me 10 ON here. l am perfectly
willing to be operated upon in the
hope of having the frog removed. l
became Disguised with medical treat
ment, as the medicine affected my legs
and made them stiff"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
Hu1nor Guo Philosophy
B. DUNCAN N. SMITH
A SWELL JOB.

I do not cUdd.e up to work
Or heavy .itting choose
As though ! thought it wore a friend
hat somehow | might lose,
But still l know a job uf which
I would not be afraid:
I'd like to be Il millionaire.
Where can | learn that trade?
Some citizens their talents waste
At work like laying brick.
While other billiards dub around
And do stunts with a pick,
Or with the hammer play a tune
Or wrestle with the spade.
Perhaps they never CHANGED to learn
The millionairc's soft trade.
I rather fancy at that trade
I'd play a heavy part
And be a credit to myself
II I could get a start.
I'd show some men who thought they had
Experience to burn
And who had worked at 1t for years
That they had much to learn.
I would not fret about the hours
Nor kick about the pay
Most cheerfully I'd work all night
And start in fresh next day.
Ny product l would guarantee
As strictly up to grade
Il I were but a millionaire.
Where can I learn that trade!
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
HANGED the Wrono Man,

Two brothers named Jan and Jan
karol Ni~ewiadoniski We're confined in
Warsaw prison in Poland, the former
being sentenced to three months i'm
prisonment for a political offense and
the latter to death for robbery with
violence. One day the political pris-
oner was led out and. in spite of his
protests. hanged instead of his brother.
The mistake was discovered Il few
hours later, and the governor has now
committed the death sentence to the
surviving brother to one of eight
months imprisonment.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
WOODCHUCK A FAMILY PET,
Drinks Milk From a Bottle and Sleeps
In a Bed.

Don is the name of a pet grounding
that lives in the family of William
COndron of Boyer avenue, PunNsutaw-
ney. Pa. Phrase makers will doubtless
balk at ELVES in the family" as APP
piled to Il woodchuck. but in this case
this n expresses the literal truth.
Don is about four months old and
came to the COndrOn home from the
foothills of Mount Canoe, Indiana
county, about three months ago. He
has been a household pet ever since he
opened his big bright eyes the first
time almost, and as a society favorite
| and child imitator he can give the cat.
the dog or the monkey cards and
spades and still make the other look
like a four tlusher.
Don drinks milk from Il bottle, eats
candy, SWeetmeatS, preserves II all
sorts of cooked clibles. excepting
meat and a few other inuigestible hui
man foods. He is especially fond of
crackers spread with butter and elder
berry jelly, and when he gets through
eating his hands must be thoroughly
cleansed before he will bulge an inch.
He FletcheriZes to the limit. no matter
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
A Militant Republican.

Congressman John Sharp Williams
tells Of the militant republicanism of
a man he met in Rome several years
ago. The man was a merchant in a
small town in New York.
One morning they went out for a
ride in a victoria and passed King
Humbert. The people lifted their hats
to the king. and he bowed in return.
AS his carriage passed the one in
which Williams and his friend were
riding Mr.. Williams lifted his hat, and
the king bowed and smiled. The mer-
chant sat bolt upright, looking straight
ahead, and did not raise his hat.
Don't you know who that isl"
asked Williams.
Yes. It's King Humbert. 1 recog-
nized him the minute I saw him."
Then why didn't you bow to him as
l did,"
The merchant stiffened in his seat
n squared his shoulders.
II don't bow to no kings" he said.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
Mutual Recognition.

A southern lawyer had gone to a
northern state to practice his profess
sion, but as he got no clients and stood
a good chance of starving he decided to
return south. Without any money he
got into a train for Nashville, Tenn,
intending to seek employment as a re-
porter on m of the newspapers. When
the conductor called for his ticket, he
said: II am on the staff of - Of
Nashville. I suppose you will pass
me-"
The conductor looked at him sharply.
"The editor Of that paper is in the
smoker. Come with me. If he identi-
Ties you, all right"
He followed the conductor into the
smoker, and the situation was explain
ID. Mr.. Editor said: "Oh, yes, l rec
Dgnize him as one of the staff. 1t is all
right"
Before leaving the train the lawyer
sought the editor. "Why did you say
you recognized me? I'm not on your
paper"
I'm not the editor either. I'm trav-
cling on his pass and was scared to
death lest you should give me away"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16

.ouns man daily. Finally the clerk
admitted that he was in love.
Well" said the head, marry her.
Your salary is big enough"
All" said the clerk sadly, you
don't understand. She belongs to one
of the first families OF Philadelphia.
anu her father is a millionaire
We'll. maybe he wasn't when he
married. You have Il good position and
a good name. You are a fair match
for any girl"
ITS no USE sighed the clerk. Her
parents would not listen to me for one
moment"
Then elope with her."
do you advise that?" the clerk
asked excitedly.
certainly l do. Is She Do 1 know
herr"
Eyes. She will be at your dance al
Devon tomorrow night"
"Well, see here. I'll have my coach
man out in front Of my gate at $50
Rush the girl of into town and marry
her. I'll arrange with a clergyman fol
you"
by Jove," said the clerk, "Ill do it,
And he did. The next night DR.
Davies performed the ceremony, ant
an hour or two later the m%illionair,
found his daughter missing and wa.
telegraphing in every direction to tn,
young couple to come home and al
would be forgiven.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
More Practical.

Two colored ladies were discussing
their lovers.
"What kind of a man is dat Sam
washington what I saw you sagatiat-
ing wild up and down de sidewalk last
ebening"
"Oh, dat Mistah Washington? He Is
a berry fine gentleman. 1t would do
you good to hear de lovely expressions
what flow from his lips. Dat man
talks poetry"
"IIuh, dat Mr.. Johnson which does
me de honor to associate wild me, he
talks pork chops."~
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
An All Round Misfit.

The late James Mcneil Whistler was
standing b~areheaded in a hat shop, the
clerk having taken his hat to another
part of the shop for comparison. 4
man rushed in with his hat in his
hand and, supposing Whistler to be a
clerk, angrily confronted him.
"See here" he said, "this hat doesn't
fit"
Whistler eyed the stranger critically
from head to foot and then drawled
out:
"Well neither does your coat.
What's more, if you will pardon my
saying so, I'll be hanged if I care
much for the color Of your trousers
Everybody's.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
Notice Of Final Proof.
UNITED STATES LAND OFFICE.

UNITED STATES LAND OFFICE.
LkwIsTowN, Mont, Sept. 10, 1907.
Notice 10 hereby given that
JURGEN ENGELLANT,
of Everson, Montana, has filed notice Of his in
tention to make final five year proof in supper
of his claim, viz: Homestead entry No. 1855
made November %, 1901, for the SEA section 10
Notice is hereby given that
JURGEN E~NGELLANT,
Of Everson, Montana, has filed notice of inten
24ls, for the swA sen, EN- SWA, and lot 3
section {, township 81 north, range IA east, be
fore Chas. H. Boyle, O.. . commissioner, at hi
office In Fort Benton. Mont, on Saturday, the
26sh day Of October. 1907.
He names the following witnesses to prove hi.
continuous residence upon and cultivation O.
said homestead, and the complete irrigation ani
thews, Scott Gotrech, Hans Engellant, of Ever
son, Mont. Henry Hagen, of Fort Benton, Mont
c. e. MCKOIN. Register.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
No Modern Home Is Complete
Without a Telephone.

The greatest labor and time-savirR
convenience of the age. You a talk
from your telephone to every subscrib.
er in any exchange in Utah, Montana,
Idaho, Wyoming, as we'll as all Pacific
coast points and Colorado and New
Mexico. Short rates for short talks.
Half minute up. The pay begins when
the talk begins.
Rates from 81 100 up, for unlimited
local service.
Leave your orders now. The new
instruments are the very latest i'm.
proved.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16

what he is given to eat, and positively
will not swallow anything that he can
not thoroughly masticate.
One night recently after the children
had gone to sleep and before the doors
had been closed for the night Don
quietly slipped upstairs, and when Mr..
and Mrs. Condron went to bed he was
found stretched out upon his back with
his paws spread out and with his head
resting on the pillow between Ira and
Merle, Mr.. Condron's two little boys.
When the boys arose they did not dis
turb their little pet, who slept soundly
until II a. m. when he came pattering
down the stairs.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
Those Politicians,

But when election day. alas!
Has passed into the book of fate.
They canNot see us as we pass
Or stand around outside n walt.
From that time on We go to grass
Or come a-knocking at h gate.
There only seems to be ahead
A year ot patient suffering.
We might as Well. perhaps. be dead.
But let us mcekly bear the sting
And keep the briny tears unshed,
For they'll be friendly in the spring.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
Desert Land-.Final Proof.
UNITED STATES LAND OFFICE,

UNITED STATES LAND OFFICE,
GREAT FALLS, Mont, Oct. 10, 1907.
Notice Il hereby given that
ADOLF STlPMAN,
of Chester, Chouteau county, Montana, has filed
notice of intention to make proof on his desert.
land claim No. l,:t, for the M SEA, SEA SEA
section ii, NFA \EA section II, township 81
north, range 3 east, before Maurice Spangler, L.
S. commissioner. AT his Office at Chester, Mont
on Monday, the 18th day of November, 1907.
He names the following witnesses to prove the
John A. Arthurs, James =. Cox and Thomas p
Snutfer, of Chester, Montana; Martin Wasesha,
of Beatrice, Montana.
j. NJ. BURLINGAME. Register,
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
Something Had to Be Done.

SoHetnTh9 6au 70 % 0oHe.
The visiting minister was walking
along the shady country road to a
church where he was to preach that
day, when he saw a little boy digging
vigorously into the bank by the road
side. He stopped and asked the boy
why he worked 50 hard on Sunday.
I'm digging for a woodchuck, sir"
replied the boy.
"Well, my son, don't you know it is
wrong to do that on Sunday, and you
won't get him?"
mot get him. exclaimed the boy;
"why, I've got to get him. The minis
ter's coming to our house to dinner to-
day and we amt got any neat
Ladies' Home Journal.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
Both Should Be Thankful.

Mgr. Farley was crossing one day
from New Haven to Dieppe when a
young Frenchman attempted to take
him in hand. This young man scoffed
at religion and at clergymen, but be
was unable to draw the monsignore's
fire.
Finally the foolish youth resorted to
sheer impudence.
"Gentlemen," he said in a loud voice.
winking in the clergyman's direction,
gentlemen, l am Informed that in the
strange land of Madagascar whenever
they hang a priest they hang a donkey
along with him."
The young man laughed, and Mgr.
Farley, looking at him mildly, said:
well, let us both be thankful, my
young friend, that we are not in Mad
agascar."
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
Notice Of Final Proof,

UNITED STATES LAND OFFICE
GREAT FALLS, Mont, Oct. 10, 1907.
Notice IL hereby given that
SUSIE HARPER,
ormerly Susie auckland, of Highwood, Mont,
has filed notice of her intention to make fnai
tye-year proof in support of her claim, viz
Homestead entry No. lS,ls9, made March q, l9O2,
for the SWA SW.A section 20, wy NWA, NWh
SWA section %, township 81 north, range 8 east,
and that said proof will be made before Chas.
Il. Boyle, u. ). commissioner, at his office in
Fort Benton, Montana, on November Is, 1901.
She names the following witnesses to prove
his continuous residence upon and cultivation OF
said land, viz: Frank Adams, Jacob Becker,
Roland W. auckland and John auckland, all OF
Highwood, Montana.
j. NJ. BURLINGAME, Register.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
The Priest and the Rabbi.

Father Kelly and Rabbi Levi We're
seated opposite each other at a ban
4uet where some delicious roast ham
was served, and Father Kelly made
comments upon its flavor. Presently
he leaned forward. and in a voice that
carried far he addressed his friend:
"Rahhi Levi. when are you going
TO become liberal enough to eat ham,
AT your wedding. Father Kelly"
retorted the rabbi.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
Chickens of Leisure.

Mrs. Goldvein of Cripple Creek, hav-
ing come into a fortune through a lucky
strike, set up a country home neal
Denver, where she lived in style. One
day while she was showing some of
her old time friends about the place
they came to the poultry yard.
"What beautiful chickens." the Wis
itOrS exclaimed.
"All prize fowl" haughtily explained
the hostess.
do they lay every day." was the
next question.
"Oh, they could, of course, but in our
position it Is not necessary for them to
do so."-Lippincott's.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
The Wrcnu Number,

Patrick was working in the yards OF
a railroad. One day he happened to
be in the yard office when the force
was out. The telephone bell rang Wig
orously several times, and he at last
decided it ought to be answered. He
walked over to the instrument, took
down the receiver and put his mouth to
the t~ransmitter, just as he had seen
others do.
"Hillo!' he called.
"Hello. Is this eight-six-one-tiye-
nine?"
CAV g'wan. Phwat dye t'ink Oh
ana box carr
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
Desert Iand..Final Proof,

UNITED STATES LAM OFFICE,
GREAT FALLS, Mont, Sept j, 1907.
Notice is hereby given that
LOUISA l. RlECHERS,
III ala loT ro hen'o o. Ghouteau eonnty, Montana, has
desert.land claim No. 103s, for the 81. SEA and
Sls sWA section 90. township "a north, range :
east, before Chas. II Boyle, L. $. commissioner
at his Office in Fort Benton, Montana, on Thurs.
day, the 18th day of October, 1867.
She names the following witnesses to prove the
complete irrigation and reclamation of said land
Matthew Percy, John j. Stocking, Oscar &.
Gables and Henry c. Riechers, all of Fort Ben.
ton, Montana.
j. NJ. BCRLINGAME, Register.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
- The ~
Scrap Book
Engaged.

Engaged.
\ 9 known evangelist at the close
of One Of his most stirring addresse1
approached a big, stolid looking Ger
man in the congregation who had paid
the closest attention to the discourse.
Are you a Christian" asked the
evangelist.
"Nein-Sherman."
"Oh. German? Well, would you not
like to become a Christian and work
for the Master?"
"Nein. I'have youst got a shob to
drive an ice wagon"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16

I am the blush Of the summer rose,
The flush of the morn,
The smiQ on the face Of the dead,
The song newly born
From heart OF the poet. from she'll Of the
sea,
From rush of the river that oceanward
flows.
I am immortal. Who knows me is glad.
Men give me the name
OF passions that kindle III soul
Love, faith. beauty, fame
I dwell with all these. yet am higher
than all.
Without me the angels Of heaven were
sad. Edith Willis Linn.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
Sim Peck's Deer Hunt.

a self conscious young clergyman
was supplying" the pulpit Of a coun.
try church. After the service he asked
a deacon what he thought of "this
mornings effort"
"Waal," answered the old man slow
~, lit reminded me of Sim Peck's first
deer hunt when he was green. He
followed the deer's tracks all right,
but he followed 'em all day in the
wrong direction"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
The Real Thing In Ancestors,

Have We amy ANCESTORS, Mrs. KEEL
ly:' asked Mrs. O'Brien.
IAN phwat's ancisters?"
why, people you shprung FROM"
Listen to me, Mrs. O'Brien," said
Mrs. Kelly impressively. 81 come
from the rale shtock av Donahues thot
sphring from nobody. They shpring
at thim"-Ladies' Home Journal.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
Handicapped, but Healthy.

"Shure. it's married l am, Malone,
since l last saw ye, an I've got a fine
healthy bhoy. which the n%eighbors say
is the very picter Of me-"
"Och, well. what's the harrum so
long as the child's healthy"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
Good Union Man.

"Why don't you shine your own
shoes
81 used to, but l had to quit. You
see. I am not Il member of the boot
blacks union.'
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
His p. S.

His p. S.
A young countryman was counting a
city bred damsel and proposed to her
by letter. He added a p. S.: "Please
let me have your answer by return
post, as l have somebody else in my
eye"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
Took Him at His Word.

The late Bishop Thomas Frederick
Davies Of Detroit once told an inter
esting story Of an elopement. He fig
ured in this elopement as the oficiat-
ing clergyman. 1t was in Philadelphia,
during his rectorship of st. Peters.
The proprietor of One Of the largest
dry goods houses in Philadelphia had
noticed for some months the melan-
choly attitude of his head clerk, n
young man whom he held in high re-
gard.
The clerks pallor and Increasing
~leanness. his frequent signs and alb
sentmindedness, worried the million
aire proprietor. He questioned the
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
Met His Match.

When Alexis Caswell was president
Of Brown university a student named
Betterly called OF him. After convers-
ing a moment uposathe object Of his
visit the president asked him his name
and upon being told said jovially,
'Your name would be better without
the last syllable, wouldn't it,"
YES" replied the student, with a
laugh, land wouldn't yours be as we'll
without the CO"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
Several Ways to Hatch Chickens.

The teacher had been talking about
a hen sitting on eggs, and, with the in
cubator in his mind, asked II eggs
could be Matched in any other way.
"Yes, put 'em under a duck" was the
response.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
SUM MONS.

In the district court of the Twelfth judicial dis
trict of the State of Montana, in and for the
county of ChOuteau.
Thomas Segrsves, plaintiff, VI. Elizabeth Sc
graves, defendant.
The State of Montana sends greetings to the
above-named defendant.
You are hereby to answer the com
plant In this action which is filed in the Office of
the clerk of this court, a copy Of which il here
with served upon you in the county wherein you
reside, and to file your answer and serve a
copy thereof upon the plaintiff attorney
within twenty (2O) days after the service of
this exclusive of the day of service,
and in case of your failure to appear or answer
judgment will be taken against you for the re-
lief demanded in the complaint.
The said action j. brought to secure "a decree
of said court for absolute divorce upon the
ground of your wilful desertion of plaintiff.
Witness my hand and the seal of said
80, lcourt this Eth day of September, A.. u.
'h"" 1907. CHAS. II. BOYLE,
Clerk.
+. f Stranahan, attorney for plaintiff.
First publication, september Is. 1906.
The WEEKLY RIVER PRESS is a good
newspaper to send your friends
in the east. 1t will save you the trou-
BILE of writing letters
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16

The take-it-for-granted individual is
calculated to drive a modest and self
respecting person insane.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16

Divorce is a thing that owes its
fashionableness to its usefulness.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16

The girl that wears a good brand Of
complexion always finds 1t worth the
money.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16

Some people are ~distractingly order
~, but most are human.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16

The man who takes the money IS
very rarely the man who makes the
money.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16

If men We're not transgressors, wom-
en- were not gOssips.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
Losing Its Charm.

Losing Its Charm.
"a college professor says it is no
wrong to firt."
TOO bad. Now the girls won't care
anything about it,"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16
PERT PARAGRAPHS.

PERT PARAGRAPHS.
Some people are distractingly order
~, but most are human.
The take-it-for-granted individual is
calculated to drive a modest and self
respecting person insane.
The girl that YEA a good brand OF
complexion always finds 1t worth the
money.
Divorce is a thing that owes Its
fashionableness to its usefulness.
If men We're not transgressors, wom-
en- were not gossips.
The man who takes the money IS
very rarely the man who makes the
money.
He who cheats himself is generally
much sought after.
An excuse bought at the department
store Is generally more acceptable
than a homemade one.
Failure is often the foreruuner of
success, but sometimes it runs a long
way before.
Tomorrow is Elusive, exclusive and
}ery often abusive.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16

He who cheats himself is generally
much sought after.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-10-16

An excuse bought at the department
store Is generally more acceptable
than a homemade one.