The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1907-11-24
Maria'S Midnight Lectures.
LECTURE NO. Is.

OduCy Belles tWenty-Ones Wnat are
you talking about. Job2 saucy Belle,
And you're all over mud. She runs well
in the mud. What IN the world do you
mean; have you been running after
some girl; you. old enough 20 be a
grandfather. chasing twenty-one-year-
old chit down the muddy street. What's
that in your hand, Job. Money! A hun
dred dollars. Job, what crime have you
committed. my poor. poor husband I
knew you'd come 10 a bad end il you
weren't careful
What's that2 You've been to the
races. and you won on a horse named
Saucy Belle? You bet fve dollars and
won a hundred. Oh. my dear Job:
arn't you clever, dear! But what made
you so late? It's nearly O'Clock. dar-
ling, and you must be all wet and your
shoes are just soaking. Look, you got
mud all over the bedroom carpet: but
never mind. pet, can easily clean il in
the morning. Wait, dear Job; sit on
the edge of the bed honey, and I'll help
you of with your shoes. You must be
so tired. dear, and-thats right. dear,
give me the money. III take care Of it
for you. I'm so glad you're home at
last
Are you comfortable. dear? I just
couldn't think where you had got to.
I had such n nice dinner All fixed for
you. Hamburger steak. made out Of the
shoulder OF mutton we had left last
Tuesday. and some young onions and
potato salad-the children enjoyed il 50
much and the onions did little Emilys
cold lot OF good Little Haley ate SO
much Of the hash-Hamburge steak I
mean-that he fell right asleep al the
table and Emily stuck a hat pin IN him
20 wake him Up SOS she could undress
him I've been sitting up waiting for
you and reading the papers-had such a
good time. Job. but I'm awful glad
you're home. Who ever'd thought the
Saucy Belle was a-going 20 buy Us our
Thanksgiving dinner. III call up the
grocer the first thing in the morning
and countermand that order for the
scrawny chicken and Wen have n real
turkey. You buy It. Job. alive Il you
can. and I can use the wings 10 trim
Emily new hat and the feathers re
can save for a pillow. I tell you peO-
pie have got 10 be economical these
hard times.
Seems as though there's a lot OF
money coming into the country. though
can't see who's getting it-unless
everybody bet on Saucy Belle see
that the Mary Tanner, sister ship 20
Lucy Tanner. brought over fourteen
million in gold on her maiden voyage
what is a maiden voyage. dear? Here's
Mrs. Stuyvesant Fish says that it's ex-
pensive 10 be rich: she might Just as
well have said that it's uncomfortable
10 be poor. Times can't be so very
hard. though, when you read about ex-
Senator Finn saying that he's willing 10
pay two million dollars 10 get into the
United States Senate That's more than
they charge to get into the New York
Stock Exchange. and there you have
some chance 20 get your money back
Talking about money, Job, what are
these 3 Der cent certificates they're all
talking about Let's buy some with
this Saucy Belle money. shall We? I'd
love 70 have a real financial interest IN
our government wouldn't you, dear?
But say. Job. this money comes in aw-
ful handy cause they say now that
we've got 10 pay the water rent in ad-
vance. and I was wondering what We
were going % do II they shut the water
Of. The nearest pump IS two blocks
away. and 1 know you wouldn't Ike 10
carry II that far would you?
Did you see that Mr.. Carnegie was
here this week. Job2 He's one million
aire that don't care any more for money
than Mr. Fairbanks does for buttermiIk.
He came here 10 the peace conference,
they say. and as he has already told Us
that he thinks ii would be a disgrace 70
die rich, he went right az once 10 the
WiIlard-he doesn't mind their prices a
bit.
Did you ever read David Copper
field Job? I think its so pathetic.
that part where Mrs. Micawber SAYS
that she never viii desert Nj Mica wber.
and she does not, either Just Ike Mr.
Loeb. He says he never will desert
Mr.. Roosevelt Isn't II JUST too sweet
of him 10 stay on as secretary just be-
cause the President really couldn't run
the place without him. Hes not a bit
like Mr. Chancellor, is ne? He won't
desert because he thinks the board OF
education wants 10 get on without him.
He seems to be in about as much
trouble as Mr.. Stillings was a little
while ago. I don't see why these men
can't get along without fighting all the
time, do you?
II thought you told me last week.
Job. that the price of beef was going
down. There isn't a word Of truth in
1t. Why, the butcher charged me q
cents for a little bit Of what he called
round steak that wasn't any bigger than
my hand-and II wasn't round. either
At least well have a good big steak
for breakfast in the morning. II that
Saucy Belle money doesn't run away
il the night Hush, it's under my pill
low-Tm not taking any chances OF
burglars getting in and stealing il. I
tell you. Job, wealth is & great response
bility, isn't IL? I bet I don't sleep a
wink tonight
Il see they've heard from MI James
Whitcomb Riley again-the hosiery poet
you know. He's come out and said
that there's music in the graphophOne.
and wants every one to get one-just
like Mr.. Edison. who's always asking
in the advertisements, Have you got
a little phonogrsph at homer Not that
I think that Mr.. Riley can be much
Of a music critic, not IL he was sincere
IN that poem OF his. I want to hear the
old band play. Them old bands never
did please me much. Tink Allen, he
that was cousin to old Miss Undo.
used to play in the old band Gown at