The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-02-17

sincere desire to do good, could ac-
complish noble work by sending two [
pairs Of eight-ounce boxing gloves UP
to our house for use when the Queen '
Bee and myself discuss that most In
terestlng subject--the necessity for
saving money and providing for rainy
day.
Or IL no boxing gloves are obtainable,
two good baseball bats or. even two
strong. hickory axe-helves Nigh. dol
The truth Is. that on such occasions
as those mentioned, both the worthy
woman and myself stand in crying need
OF offensive weapons Of the most AURA
bio sort
In q word. there Is nothing that
makes US scrappier than little heart
to heart talk about economy. Theoreti-
cally, we both believe In 1t, but as a
practical proposition. each OF lis thinks
fees.
| Then. too, in tho barometer Of the
Communicating Chief, there is no such
thing as a rainy dny---or rather mono
rainer than the present pluvial spell.
When suggest that she put on the
overshoes Of economy and duck under
tho umbrella of thrift. she forthwith
begins to paint mo as a prodigal son
with the fastidlous tastes and extrava-
4 giant ideas of Sybarite.
| Then 1t Is that she advises me to
! roll up my trousers lest their bottoms
become moistened by the slush Of my
/ own reckless expenditures. or soiled
/ with the mud OF my perpetual self-in-
diligence.
After oil other arguments have prov
ed unavailing, this Minerva Of women
| ups and swears that the money an
nually smoke up IN tobacco alone
would give two sons q college edu-
cation, besides stnding ehree daugh-
/ tors to female scLntnary.
4 In vain have 7 tried to persuade
her that man actua1ly striving to
commit suicide by excessive indul
gence in tobacco could not possibly
spend as much as twenty-five dol
lars a year on the weed.
4 One might as well seek to bulge
the pyramid of Cheops.
!. Nothing can move her. She secs the
whole house going UP in smoke and
swears that she believes all mort
cages are written on Carolina bright
leaves instead of on paper or parch-
ment.
Il Moreover, she insists that the odor
of boiling cabbage Is like unto altar
OF roses when brought into compn-
J. rison with the aroma OF q pipe.
Verify I believe It would break that
omans heart II I cut out tobacco.
Such self-abnegation on my part
J, would take from her a luxurious stuff
!, on which she has been wont to lean
/ for many q day when she rehearsed
her grievances and pictured herself as
an unmurmuring martyr.
!, Plague II I don't suspect that every
, might she prnys for tho soul OF John
Rolfe, the man who took Pocnhontas
OFF Captain John Smiths hands and
!, further benefited humanity by intro
| ducing tobacco culture among the En-
glish- speaking people.
Yes, the smoking evil Is the sweetest
i thing in the Queen Bees life-the one
!, ever available club with which she
/. her oppressor.
But be It remembered that I also
have other faults which cost none,
and are heralded abroad when econo
my Is the agonizing theme Of our de
| bates.
There is the corn whiskey, for instance
| Likewise tho other brands, but par.
| ticularly the corn.
| Now even our preacher admits tina
| ought to take a little," especial!
when I tell him what O nervous WRECK
| am. Moreover, l have always beef
most conscientious in saying that
| cannot bear tho taste Of liquor an,
I Furthermore Invariably make wr.
| lace uILeEs tdhlll6 u uilllh.
| These evidences Of my dislike ough
| to be enough to satisfy anybody tina
| it comes hard with me to swallow tn
stuff.
But no, the commander-in In chic
can't see it that way.
| Even If you do take 1t for You
| nerves." says shetland the larger til
| demijohn In the house, the more ner
| vous you become-therei is always til
| keXpcnse to be considered. Now til
| last you got cost four dollars gal
| Ion unfortunately she saw the bi
/ when 1t came In. When I think c
1 all that money going down q sink
/ makes me heartsic... And me and til
/ children scrimping so that we'd ski
i q flea for his hide and tallow."
/ sometimes think myself that
1 would be mighty good thing II some
i body could invent q process whereof
1 whiskey would stick near tho tas
/ Ing apparatus and not go down tt
Il sink" but that's impossible.
i Tho best i can do under tho Gil
i cumstances Is to remind tho goo
| liquor buy goes into her cooking a
i seasoning, for when 1t comes to "spil
/ ing" potato or a mlnce-ment pi
the Queen Bee knows no such thing {
1 cost.
4 TO savo my life I can't make thu
i oman respect good +WnlsRey, anynoN
II Although for forty cents q quart 81
can purchase liquor fine enough
make any pie rear up on It's hi1
legs, she Invariably HES herself to n
i floating, treasure house for spirituou
seasonings.
Once when all our deacons were
i homo and were laying back" on Il
Queen Bees plum pudding as II
were special gift from heaven.
heard that uncertain quantity proud
boast that tho whole blessed thir
hadn't cost her but thirty cents Al
yet to my positive knowledge she hi
surreptitiously molstened Its Jet int
4 tines with forty-fye cents worth
my eighteen-yenr-old whiskey,
In matters pertaining to alcohol
fluids, this woman absolutely and res
+. lutely refuses to do homage to 0
4 ago. If the kids get croupy or vince
she wouldn't hesitate to discard mu
a ton suet and buthe them in Import
Il French brandy, while ono of her iswee
Il est traits Of chracrer in her tenden
to give tho cooks admlrer tumbl