davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-10
think every child, boy or girl, should
learn the art of swimming.

think every child, boy or girl, should
learn the art Of swimming.
In connection with the effort of the
commissioners to secure these public
baths 1t is also likely they will en-.
deavor to establish one or two public
laundries in the District. This idea
is something new and novel in this
part OF the country. although such
places are common throughout Eu-
rope.
1t is the belief that public laundry
should be connected with every public
bathhouse erected in the District and
to have each laundry supplied with not
less than 30 stationary wash tubs.
where the women of the poorer class.
es can take their clothing to be wash.
ed, requiring only trifling sum for
soap and other incidentals. Connected
with each laundry 1t is the idea to
have "drying-room," where the WON.
en- can take clothes after the washing
to be dried, either by hot air or steam.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-10
Faithful Beast.
Unappreclatlve Mastec.
Often the Case.

Eva-That old saying. Marry In
haste, repent at leisure" Is a good one.
isn't It?
Edna--Yes, but 1t was quite the re-
verse with Helen. She accepted a
chap who was not working and re-
GREETED II the next day.
Eva--Ah. | see. With her It was
Marry at leisure. repent In haste. -
Chicago Daily News
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-10
Showed That Inland Waterways Were
by No Means Obsolete.

When the New York Central par
alleled the Erie canal. over 30 years
ago. 1t looked very much as If canals
were a thing of the past. When the
West Shore hemmed 1t in on the other
side canals had fallen in public opin-
ion to the raging canawl" of the
humorists. But the truth Is. the Erie
canal did not rage at all. 1t kept grow
ing-slowly. as BELTS a canal. When
1t was completed in 1926 1t was four
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-10
No Confusing Environment.

Miss Edith Ito evening GALLERY
When write have to be entirely
alone and have everything quiet, so
there will be nothing to disturb my
thoughts. don't see how any one
can dictate to an amanuensis.
Mr.. Goodfellow--It's very easy. |
dictate all my business letters.
You do? And don't your thoughts
often wander from the subject until
you find yourself unable to proceed?"
oh no. My typewriter Is man."
IN. Y. Weekly.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-10
His Sentiment.

"Yes, | acknowledge that your IA
ther did me favor once which placed
me under lasting obligation to him.
cannot, therefore, refuse to lend you
the money, But come around to-mor'
row for IL, won't your"
Certainly, II you haven't got 1t
now"
"oh. ! have 1t now, all right; only
/ hate on such notice to part forever
with what is near and dear to me-
Judge.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-10
Not the Rluht Kind.

II have been trying the so-called
fruit cure,' said the dyspeptic. For
the last month / have eaten nothing
but fruit. but it hasn't benefited me
in the least"
That's strange" rejoined the
healthy man. Just look at me; I
subsist entirely upon fruit"
What kind of fruit?" queried the
other.
"The fruit Of my own labor" was
the significant reply.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-10
Explained.
''PopI"

"Pop!"
Yes, my son."
''Why do hens get up so early In the
morniLg?"
Because they get tired standing up
all night, suppose. and they want to
lay a ittle."--Yonkers Statesman.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-10
WIIIIe's conundrum.

Willie Beefenham (who has been
admitted few moments to his moth
er's afternoon tea-Ive just thought
of splendid condundrum. Why Is all
the silver here to-day like our new
servant?
The Guests-Oh, why, Willie?
Willie (triumphantly) Cause
they're both hired.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-10
Time for chanoe.

miss Ethel" he began. "or Ethel.
mean. I've known you long enough
to drop the miss haven't II"
She fixed her lovely eyes upon him
with a meaning gaze. yes, think
you have" she said. What prefix do
you wish to substitute?"
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-10
Stronu Part.

"You say your big brother is with
an opera company now?"
Eyes, maam."
HAS he strong part?"
yes, ma'am; why, he's one of the
fellers that hit the anvil In the anvil
chorus!"-Yonkers Statesman.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-10
A Description.

Teacher-Johnnie, can you describe
the spinal column?
Johnnie-Yes, ma'am. II is a long
bone extending up and down through
the body. Your head sets on one end
and you set on the other.-Judge
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-10
soueezInu Peonle.

He-I see the number OF people to
the square mile in this country is II.
while In England II Is 4S0
She--And yet | imagine there is
just as much squeezing done over
here as there Is In England. -Yonk,
ers Statesman.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-10
Eternal Love.

Eternal Love.
The bride of three short months
was weeping convulsively.
What's the trouble?" queried tho
other fraction of the combine.
You swore to live and cherish me
until time should be no more. You
said your love was eternal" she re-
piled, "and now after a few weeks Of
married life you are cold and indiffer
ent"
"Oh, we'll, you needn't make such a
fuss about It," he growled. How
long did you expect eternal affection
to last, anyway"
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-10
She Was Hurt.

Arthur-But wasn't she angry when
you called on her with a four-day-old
beard on your face?
Charles-Yes; she said she felt 1t
very much.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-10
Not Very Funny.

II hear Mrs. Smith was very bad
with that fever"
Eyes. indeed. Last night she began
to say all sorts of funny things. AMI
the doctor told me she was hilarious.'
Baltimore American.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-10

''Hullo. old chap, you are looking
bad"
yes, I've just got over the influ-
enza, and It's really left me too weak
to crawl"
What do you want to crawl for?
It's much better TO walk"
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-10
AND LATER 1T WAS
% FOR THE FLORIST

49," but he knew "23" and thought
that was what they wanted.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-10

To be obedient In time may save a
boy nine whippings.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-10-10
Was LOOKING to Her Dad.

Was Looking to Her Dad.
Old Got rox-But IL my daughter
marries you will she have all the cons
forts to which she has been accus'
toned?
Young Do Broque-Well, It will be
your fault IL she hasn't.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-04-12

II will certainly be news to most
people says the London Globe, that
New York is short cut for kilograms
between London and Paris and be-
tween London and Berlin. However,
the fact is vouched for The messages
are received at an agreed address in
New York and are Immediately pass
ed on for London, Paris or Berlin. as
the case may be. The reason for
this amazing roundabout to save
time is curious. New York time be-
ing about six hours behind European
time, It's wire connections with Eu-
rope are almost always unoccupied
during the London forenoon, while
during the same time European wires
are often congested. Via New York.
therefore, is a short cut" but expen-
sive
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-04-12
Speclal Guidance Needed.

Edwin A. Halsey, late assistant
charge daffaires of the senate press
gallery. who halls from Virginia, is re.
sponsible for the following story: An
old darkey who had not been to
church for a long time appeared one
night at prayer meeting. His presence
at the meeting was commented on by
one of his brethren Of the church. The
conversation between the two was
something like this, Say. Brother
Johnson, | amt saw you heah at de
meetin' house for considerable dura-
ton Oats So" replied Brother
Johnson; Use been very busy" We'll,
how come you heah tonight,
Brother Johnson ?" Well you see,
it's like dis Brother Jackson.
Use repairing n chicken coop for
some white gentlemens. and Use got
situwation putting a fence round a
watermelon patch for another gentle
mems, and | needs special guidance
from temptation"
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-04-12

A certain amount of social life is
absolutely essential to the old as well
as to the young. A woman never
grows 30 old that she ceases TO enjoy
the company OF others, and generally
the older she grows the more she en-.
Joys It. 1t is always a pity to see q
man fall into q state which he ex-
plains by saying; "Oh, we're getting
old and don't care for so much variety
in our lives" says Woman's Life. In
the pure selfishness OF his soul he al
ways speaks OF "us" and we" as II
It naturally follows that because he is
getting antiquated his wife must keep
pace with him In his decline Let him
keep In touch with the world, and
both he and his wife will be the bet
ter and the younger for It,
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-04-12
CHURCHES.

pREsBYTERiAS-Rev. &, j.. HlCkok, fas
,or-Preachlng sunday morning and even
ing; sunday school at $50 n. m, WIN. NJ.
HARLAN, superintendent. Prayer meeting
wednesday evening.
METHODIST EPISCOPAL, soUTu--REv. o. e.
Fontaine Pastor-P reaching every sunday
morning and evening; Sunday school Mt
8. 10 a m MERRILL PIPKiN, superintendent
Prayer meeting every Wednesday evening.
METHODIST EPISCOPAL 80 Reverend l..
Thompson, Pastor-PreachlnR every sunday
morning and evening; sunday school at
$40 II. M, G. II. Dennnn, Superiniend't
Prayer meeting every "Wednesday evening.
BAPrIsT-Revercnd $. J.. BRiTE, 'nstor.
Preaching every sunday, mOrning.and eve
ming. sunday school at $3.50 a. m, W. A..
Oh,oup. superintendent Prayer meeting
each Wednesday evening Junior h.
=. 4. meets sunday mt ap. m. and senior
-. Y. T.. u. nt $50 p. m.
CHRISTIAN CHuRCH --ELn. EDw DIVERS
PASTOR Preaching every sunday morning
ana evening. sunday school every sunday
at lO:O0 Il. MI. :. CLAY, superintendent.
huTnERAS-REv. FHEuRIK MUG, Pastor
Preaching every sunday morning except
the fourth. catechism after church.
CATuoLiC-REy. BERNARD s. \. SroLTE
resident priest Mass every sunday except
first Of 10 O'Clock catechlsm same day ut
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-04-12
WANTED THE WHOLE HOGS.
Widow Fully Determined to Get Her
Moneys Worth.

IT'S curious how the people have
turned around within couple OF
years and become so distrustful,"
said the old farmer as the matter OF
graft and trusts were touched upon.
II had four hogs to sell and advertised
them in the village paper. Half a
dozen people came out to see them,
and among them was a widow. She
wanted me TO swear to the breed, the
weight and the fact that the hogs
were in good health. She wanted to
be assured OF their good eyesight and
hearing. She wanted to be satisfied
that they were good.natured hogs. She
wanted me TO sign a paper that
had raised the porkers instead OF
stealing them. When had done all
this and the sale was about effected
she suddenly turned and walked away.
Hello, now, what's the natter call.
ed after her. You've cut their tails
off, she replied Yes, that was done
when they were pigs Then you
knock of 80 cents apiece for missing
tails. or don't buy. It's whole hog
or none and no graft"
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-04-12
a Practical Joke.

New water mains were being put
down and an immense line of pipes
lay end to end in the road Late in
the night a halfdrunken tramp rolled
a pipe out OF the middle OF the line.
curled himself up In 1t. and fell asleep,
fairly well protected from the buster
ing wind But on towards the sman
hours a couple Of students discovered
the tramp, and rolled his bed and
himself back into place la the great
line again. The tramp, awaklng in
the morning had to crawl through
nearly mile OF pipe before he regain
ed his freedom.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-04-12
The Old Nofl1 And lis Ways.

This Is the utlr OF new aud pro-
lusely illustrated book by Co! William
Jennings Bryan, rrcuunliug his noted
Iurney abound the earth and through
Europe, which Wa, 80 widely heralded
through the American Press.
The book Is an illustrated and de-
scripIivo record OF that entire journey,
which is so memorable IN current his
tory. The journey embraced a period
of year, and covered practically all
the nations Of the earth.
Col. Bryan travelled with camera and
pencil, aud not only described, in
bril!iant phrase, what he saw, but
further illustrated his journey by photo
graphs. These photographs constI-
tutc n striking pictorial presentation
and lend especial interest to the book.
They number 24O aud they show in
picture the world Us be saw it. They
constitute Just that many striking
Objecl-Lcssuns of the people Of all
countries in their cities, towns and
yllsgcs---in their homes and everyday
occupations.
The book viii interest every reader
rs a unique presentation of a wonder
fully interesting journey. It is sold
only through solicitors. The Thompson
Publishing Company of St. Louis, Mo,
are the fortunate publishers. They
advertise for agents in another column
uf this issue
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-04-12
We are authorized agents for the
Cooper medicines. Call and let us
tell you more about them.
T., N. LAAKMAN. Druggist
"He Who keepeth His Tongue"

An old fashioned minister was Wis.
iting his son in New York recently.
and WAS taken to a fashionable church
for the Sunday morning service. The
pastor is a young man Of great cul.
ture, but evidently his oratorical ef.
forts did not greatly impress the Wis.
ttor, for when they were walking
homeward the son remarked approx.
ingly: That was good sermon, an
excellent sermon. The congregation
like DR., Blank very much" Yes,
good sermon undoubtedly" his father
replied. at could not possibly have
touched sore spot anywhere"
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-04-12
Riqht of Way.

AS train from Washington recent.
ly slowed up before the station at a
small town In Virginia the mail bag
was thrown to darky lad OF perhaps
IL years, who at once started of at a
brisk trot 10 the post Office He had
not gone more than ten yards before
a large negro boy ran into him, al
most knocking the youthful messenger
OFF his feet, Look heah, niggah,"
exclaimed the messenger, with a
glance Of Indignation. "Youse tryin' to
git in jail, amt You? Youse inter.
FERN wild de United States mail. mig.
gah When yo' Jars me yo Jars de
government OF de United States,"--
Harpers Weekly.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-04-12

pbSAh " IA a y ~
trouble Is caused in reality by one of
these parasites. a man or woman
may be afflicted in this manner for
years and not realize the true cause
of their suffering. When l first sold
Coopcr's New Discovery | did not
know that the medicine would remove
this trouble. have since found that
il invariably does 60. The following
letter is fair sample of the symptoms
as experienced by an individual thus
affected:
~ was always tired. My stomach
bloated and the slightest exertion
made me sick, weak and dizzy. My
appetite was variable and a good
nights sleep was unknown to me.
When awol;c in the mornings | had
Il bad taste in my mouth and a coated
tongue. | heard of the wonderful
benefits that were being derived from
Cooper's New Discovery, and decided
70 try it,.
The horrible tape worm, sixty feet
long that had been sapping my life
away, passed from my system alive
and squlrming after had taken three
doses. Now l have splendid appe-
titc, every trace os stomach trouble
has disappeared and my digestion is
good. | sleep we'll and ann gaining in
strength every day" Nick Emmer.
ick, 1914 Louis Ave, Milwaukee,, Wis.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-04-12
UntimeIy Courtesy.

"Politeness always pays 81 beg TO
differ with you" Then you'll have
to cite an instance" 81 can. Yester-
day morning | was driving my tour
ing car down the avenue when ! saw
that naughty Miss Snippersley on the
sidewalk" "Yes?" 81 tipped my hat
and smiled" Yes" YES, and
when | looked ahead again | found |
had bowled over two worhngmen and
was trying to climb telegraph pole"
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-04-12
A couRTshiP IN SCRIPTURE.
More Proof That Nothing 10 inpossl-
Bile to Cupid.

II this story had come from Topeka,
we should have been more readily In
clined to believe 1t, because Topekas
familiarity with all things Biblical Ia
proverbial. But II In good story.
even II II isn't Its first appearance on
earth, and It Is told thus by the Jewell
County Monitor: A young gentleman
at church conceived a most sudden
and violent passion for young lady,
In the next pew and felt DESTROYS OF
entering into q courtship on the spot,
but the place not suiung formal dec
laration, the eXigency suggested tho
following plan: He politely handed
his fair neighbor a Bible open, with a
pin stuck In the following text, sec
ond epistle OF John, verse 5: And
now beseech thee, lady, not as
though | wrote a new commandment
unto thee, but that which we had from
the beginning. that we love one an.
other" She returned It with the fol-
lowing. second chapter OF Ruth. verse
10: Then she fell on her face and
bowed herself 10 the ground and said
unto him, Why have l found favor in
thine eyes that thou shouldst take
notice OF me, seeing | am a stranger
to your" He returned the book point
ing to verse IL Of the third eplstle OF
John: Having many things TO write
unto you. but trust TO come unto you
and speak face to face" From the above
interview the marriage took place tie
following week.--Kansas City Journal.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-04-12
Fashion in Medicine.

There is a fashion in most things,
and medicine during the last ten years
has appeared to me to be as much
under its sway as sress or charity.
Half ones duties as a medical man Is
devoted to explaining away the dag.
nosis of the fashionable physician,
which. however, creditable TO the
diagnostician, is particularly unfor
tunate for the patient. who readily
makes pet OF the maladie la mode.
ID. W. Samways, in British Medical
Journal.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-04-12
Pennington Town Lois For sole

4 lot 80 feet in width on the south
side of Columbia street, by depth of
approximately 200 feet, being that
portion of the Marion Carter yard
lying between bis residence on the
west, ami the residence Of DIR. Me-
even on the east. Elegant shade
trees, splendid drainage, and street
railway in front of property. Most
desirable lot in Pennington. Price
$3.50 net.
A lot 80 feet in width on the west
side of Pcrrine road by depth Of APP
proyimately 200 feet. Splendid loca-
ton, desirable neighborhood, east
front. Price, $3.50 net.
A lot G0xl9O feet, and being the
northwest corner of Columbia street
and Swink avenue. Beautiful shade
trees, elegant drainage, desirable
ncighborhood. Price, $3.50 net.
Lot GO feet in width or the north
side of Columbia street and next adj
joining the lot above described, having
a depth of 1870 feet to an alley, with
shade trees, etc. Price, $3.50 net.
X. A. SwINK,
1889 Manchester Ave.
MApLEwooD, Mo.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-04-12
SOMETHING WRONG WITH MAN.
Scientist Points Out How Hls Life
10 Much too Short.

What Is the matter with manr
March Phillips points out that there
10 this popularity in the condition OF
man. as compared with the other
mammalia, that his life is shorter now
than by analogy II ought 10 be. In
Sther animals the period of growth is
about onetenth to onefifteenth OF the
whole life. The lion, which is full
grown at FIVE, lives for 70 or so years.
The dog, full grown at Is months. 10
as old at 10 as a man at 80. Man, liv-
Ing as LONG as the lion, is not full
grown TIL 20. The same proportion
would give man from 800 to 400 years.
Thus his physical life is not IN this
respect tho normal life. II is cut ex-
ceedingly short, and its brevlty points
to some primal failure OF vigor-to
the presence OF some nonnatural-
that is, some characterization sap
ping his vitality. Prof Virchow notes
that II we gather together the whole
sum OF the fossil men hitherto known
and put them parallel with those OF
the present time We decidedly can
pronounce there are among living men
much greater number OF individuals
who show relatively inferior type
than among the fossils known OF 10
this time
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-04-12
RAT AND CRAB IN BATTLE.


d. l.. Van Culin, a Paducah station,
er, is fond OF salt water crabs says
the Cincinnati Enquirer Receiving
consignment from Maine, he took
one out TO experiment with. They
we're numb from the ice packing and
one placed by the warm stove began
TO exhibit signs of life. Il will just
leave him there and see how long a
crab can live out OF water" Van
Culin explained. as he locked his store
for the night The stationer found
no crab when ne returned. 4 thor
ouGh search OF the ground floor failed
TO reveal anything, but a peculiar
knocking sound from upstairs attract
ed his attention. On the top step OF
the stairs he found the trouble. Tho
crab, with his grippers fast In the
sides OF fat rat. was cllnging to his
captive The rat nearly dead, strug-
gled feebly for release and little by
little wormed his way upstairs with
the weight of the crab pulling steadily
against him. The rodent had presum-
ably shifted at the Queerlooking in
truder and was caught before his MIN
BILE legs could carry him out Of harms
reach.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-04-12

The authorities Of the Royal mu-
scum at Dresden have discovered a
glass vase in one OF their showcases,
dating from the eighteenth century,
which shows every sign of suffering
from a wasting disease, and not only
is It wasting away but the authorities
declare 1t has infected the other glass
vessels In Its immediate neighbor-
hood The vase has been carefully
examined by experts and various med.
icines. externally applied, have been
prescribed to stay the progress OF the
malady, but all to no purpose.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-04-12
Joke on Good Man,

A minister. daring his discourse one
Sabbath morning, said: In each blade
OF grass there is a sermon" The fol.
lowing day one OF his flock discovered
the good man pushing a lawn'mower
about his garden and paused TO. say:
We'll, parson. I'm glad to see you en-
gagged in cutting your sarmens
short London Tit.Bits.
The $4,000 FrcdericktowD hool
bonds were sold last week for : 70, .
3SS to a man of Macon, Mo.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-04-12
Stungi

He-"What would your father do II
/ told him I wanted to marry your"
Sheffield refer the matter to me-"
He (hopefully)-"And what would you
do" She-"Id refer the matter to
the young man who proposed to me
and was accepted while you were try.
ing TO make up your mind
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1907-04-12
Life on a Troopshlp,

The troopship of today revels in
Injuries compared with Its compeer
of other days. and II the soldier now"
adays grumbles to himself at his
cramped accommodation and his ships
fare, he can take comfort in the
thought that he enjoys advantages
that his brother-in-arms OF the sailing.
ship period never even dreamed Of
The Captain.