New-York tribune., 1907-02-14
TIE RErRE4r OF TIE TIN SOLDIER.

THE RETREAT or THE TIN NOLDiER.
Little boy, playing on the floor with leaden
corporals and tin prvates, do you know that
when your mamma comes home from the club she
will make you weep bitterly? No, your mamma
will NOT spank YOU for she is an enlightened
lady disbelievng in corporal punishment, but
believing in corporal Punishment. Back of this
frivolous play on words little boy. lies great
seriousness If you will drop that toy cannon
for a minute we'll try to explain There! Don't
cry The bogie man isn't coming. It's only the
bogie theory that is after you and your mar
shaled hosts the rug.
Your nurse never told You about the bogie
theory: Well we confess, Mother Goose doesn
mention it, and the fairy stories have somehow
neglected it, too But maybe that's because it's
a really, truly bogie, and not just-pretend one,
like an elf, transcendent one like golf
bogie. 1t has a habitat and habits. quite as def
mite and real as those of policeman or a mos
quito 1t likes 10 lurk about womcn's clubs.
where II gets into the tea and is swallowed by
the convcrSatiOnalistS hair hide and hoof. It's
a very tiny thing. but there are many Of it
enough indeed 10 infect everybody who ever
has mbibed or ever will imbibe tanuin between
meals As soon as the dear little bogie theory
is swallowed rush of bug To the brain ensueS.
and then-wel. little boy. Just watch your
mamma when she comes in, and you will see
Your mamma is now at the club drinking In
Oolong and the theory of a Boston scientistine
who has just been addressing council OF
women In Chicago on the horrors Of war. Your
mamma will listen TO the special delegates report
of this address, and these words will be burned
into her brain:
Above all things, let me urge YOU mothers
not 10 allow your children TO play at war with
tin soldiers and toy cannon. Why should you
permit the boy who you hope VIII become fine
and gentle man to pretend that he IS killing
people and to cut down whole platoons Of in
fantry at one volley2 Do not. ] beg Of YOU. let
the children mimic this ghastly business or vio-
lent death
You never thought of it in that way did you?
That's because you are very inexperienced.
Every observant mother knows that the boy
who plays with a solder army becomes ycgc
man just as inevitably as the youngster who
steals jam from the pantry shelf grows up to
be a thief, forger and traitor. You don't believe
this little boy but that's hecaus" you have
never tarried over a teacup in the lair Of the
boyle theory When You get into long trousers.
though and have forgotten all about your troops
Of tin. your mamma may let YOU drink three cups
Of infected tea. whereupon the scales will fall
from your eyes You will then discover that
your present sentiments about the toy soldiers
are not what YOU think they are. You don't
imagine at this moment that YOU are numbering
y
imagining that very thing, and the idea is laying
hold of YOU subtly and cOrruptycly. This Is
psychology. which you are too immature 10
grasp But your mamma believes it, 50 look out
for your toys If she finds the soldiers here on
the rug she will chuck them into the cellar fur
mace. Perhaps it would be- we'll for YOU to hide
them under your sisters bed for two or three
days. In the mean time we shall divert your
mammals attention 10 the frightfully realistic
way in which the sticky fly paper and the family
meat chopper mimic the ghastly business of vio-
lent death. Perhaps the bogie theory will be 80
glutted by feeding on these domestic horrors
that ii will perish suddenly of acute indigestion.
Then your marshalled hosts may issue stealth.
lily forth from their hiding place aud march
triumphantly downstairs.
But If this plan mScarrcs. little boy put
up stiff front like a brave general. and watch
your leadcn ranks melt away in rhe furnace with
never whimper. That may teach your mamma
! a thing or two.