The Ketchikan miner., 1907-04-13
IT IS TO LAUGH


bosses son WIZ drivin'.' said Casey lis called dog cart. l wonder Wa fur.n
 II dunno" replied Cassidy. "ex cept that maybe 'tis bekase they It druv he pups mostly. I Maud-Did you kiss Dolly when yo, left her last night? I Diek-Certainly not. Why do vol ask?
 l Maud-Oh. nothing. Only she wa. speaking of you today, and she saie sne liked your cheek.
 But" protested the plain citizen, don't you consider honesty gooe thing2"
 sure replied the politician, "but it's like all other good things you've got to make money before yol can afford it. ''-Philadelphia Ledger.
 Friend ito newly made widowl-l suppose you are going to erect 8 last ing monument to your husband : memory?
 i Widow-To his memory, no. Poor Isidor had none. It was only yester- day that in turning out one of his old coats 1 found the pockets full oi letters l had given him to post.
 Mrs. Jaggsby-I wss very much surprised at the condition in which ! YOU came home last night. Jaggsby-There you go again I'd be willing 10 swear that l came home ] perfectly sober.
 Mrs Jaggshy-So you did; that what surprised me.-Illustrated Bits.
 I've got good notion, said plod- ding Pete, ito join dis forestry as l >ociation.
 What fur?'' ] II want der trees preserved in all deir venerable beauty. want to see de monarchs of de wilderness left undisturbed in deir peaceful majesty. It's time dis practice of handin' a man an axe an tellin' him 10 chop wood was stopped.
 "Moik.
 What is it. Pat?'
 ''Shposin' Oi was to have & fit2' l "Yis.
 And yez had pint of whi>key:'
 Would yea kneel down and put the bottle 10 me lip>:' ''Oi would not.
 tx HQA4Ol
 No. Oi could bring yez 10 yer ] fate quicker be shtaudin' up in front of veg and dhrinkin' it meselt.
 II notice. Major" said the inqusi- tive man that you always take your whiskey straigt. Don't you kentuck iauS ever but water into your liquor. -
 some kentuckians do. suh, re- piled Major Bluegrass.
 Indeed. =
 "Yes, suh.: put they sell il. - Philadelphia Press.
 In an Irish court recently an cli man was called into the witness box. and. being infrm and just little blind. he went too far in more than one sense. Instead of going up the stairs that led to the box. he mounted those that led 10 the bench. Said the judge. good humoredly:
 ''Is il judge you want to be, my good man:i
 An. sure. your honor.' was the reply. 'fm an ould man now, and mebbe it's all I'm fit for. The judge had no ready retort.
 The late Thomas Noland, well known member of the bar of New York. was once retained as counsel for a poor widow named Mulcahy. She was suing construction company for damages by reason of her hus- bands death. resulting from injuries sustained in the company's service. The case had been frequently post poned. so that it was in very dis turbed state of mind that the widow sought the lawyer just before the sIit came up for the eighth time.
 T am sorry,s said the justice pre- siding. but. MT. Nolan. your oppOn- ent has shown good cause for adjourn ment. The case will, therefore. 20 over till next week.
 ''Very well. sor. said the lawyer, sweetly. but might l ask wan per sonal favor of this cOurt?'i
 Certainly. replied the court.
 Will your honor kindly sthep down 10 my office and tell Mrs. Null cahy that you have again adjourned the case?'
 When the Hon. Beverly Tucker, minister to the court of St. James, was presented 10 Queen Victoria. she indicated that be be seated, by that slight motion Of her plump hand which all England obeyed. Tucker was portly and heavy. and the only available chair was fragile and small He appeared not to notice the invitation. \ moment later it was repeated. for even at that first inter- view. began the queens liking for Minister Tucker. which ripened into such an intimate friendship as no other American ever enjoyed with her majesty. Still the weakness of things terrestial was more potent than the finger of Victoria. and Tuck CT again ignored the command. Then the Queen put it in words when Tucker, with profound bow. re- piled:
 Your Majesty, I never sit in the presence of royalty.
 II accept the compliment at your hands" replied the Queen: ''and now you must accept comfort at mine
 'Comfort .'i exclaimed Mr. Tucker.
 Why. l would break my back and your majesty's chair if I attempted , 10 sit in it."-Willard it French in Lippincott's.