The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-02-01
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| DurSldE-E1dFe ROIIen every LHlHS
Dimpleton-Do you expect me to tell
that? Burglar think you ought, as
a matter of honor.-Judge.
Castleton-About how much does II
cost to run a steam yacht? Highblow'
er-If it makes any difference to you,
you can't afford it.-Judge.
Her Father-What are you and
young Shortleigh going to live on In
case you marry? His Daughter-Well,
II you must know, papa, look In the
mirror Bits.
DO you believe in marrying Cor love
alone| ne asked. "Oh, yes" replied
the bright little lady who had just re-
turned from South Dakota; II always
do."-Chicago Record Herald
Il believe old Grabbittson would give
his soul for money" "Yes and he'd
probably get more than it was worth,
no matter how small the amount hap
pened to be."-Chicago Record Herald
Old Boozer-No, passon; l tell e
never could swaller that yarn about
Samson and them ere Philistines.
Parson-Really! Well, It's about
the only thing you couldn't swallow.
Scraps.
"Bobbie, l hope you didn't tell your
mother that you saw me kissing sister
last night" "Nope, l didn't have to.
Sis walked us all up at midnight when
you went home and told it hersef."-
Minneapolis Journal.
do you approve of spelling re-
form" "Yes," answered the adaptable
citizen. ''The only objection is that 1t
consumes more time remembering to
spell the new way than 1t does to put in
the extra letters. Washington Star.
She-I can't bear actors; they're so
conceitedl He-But I'm an actor. and
you don't think I'm conceited, do you?
She (seeking to recover herself)-Oh,
Of course not mean the big ones !;
the little ones don't count.-Sacred
Heart review.
He-I don't like your friend, Miss
Knox. She told an acquaintance of
mine that was a perfect idiot. She
Oh, I'm sure she didn't mean it. She
knows as we'll as anyone else that no
human being Is absolutely perfect
Brooklyn Citizen.
Wigg-The last saw of you Young
pop was talking you to death about his
baby. How did you get rid Of him
Wagg-Oh, some fellow came along
who had just bought an automobile, so
introduced them and made my escape.
Philadelphia Record.
Small Girl with smaller brotber)-
How much Is 1t to Shepherds Bush?
Box Office Clerk-Tuppence I've told
you that five times already. Small Girl
Yes, l know; but little Willy likes
to see you come to the window; it re-
minds him Of the zoo.-Sketch.
Tom-Well, darling, have seen your
father and he has given his consent
Grace-He approves of love in a cot
tage, then? mo, but he says that a
girl who spends as much time golting
and motoring as you do really has not
much need of home. ."-Tattler.
"Where was he struck by the auto
moblle?" asked the coroner. AT the
junction of the dorsal and cervical ver-
tebrae" answered the surgeon. "Will
you please point that out on the map?"
asked the coroner, indicating Jne that
hung on the wall.-Chicago Tribune,
"Mr. Merchant" said the new clerk,
preparing to ask for more pay, II
think l understand the business pretty
well now, and" "Yes" interrupt
ed his employer. swell, keep at it
four or five years. Perhaps you'll un-
derstand 1t then as well as you think
you do now."-Philadelphia Press.
In trolley accident IN New Eng
land an Irishman was badly hurt. The
next day a lawyer called on him and
asked If he intended to sue the COM
pany for damages. "DamagesY said
Pat, looking feebly over his bandages.
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