davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1907-1908, 1907-08-03
Nothing Funny About 1t.

Mrs. Malaprop-Did you hear about
that poor mans accident while Shawn?
1t was an awful cats thrope.
Mrs. Browne Qaughing)-An awful
what?
Mrs. Malaprop-Oi it amt no laugh
In matter. He cut his jocular VEIN
Catholic Standard and Times.
The evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1907-1908, 1907-08-03
RetrihutIon at Hand.

"Ouchi' complained the automatic
scales in the railroad station, these
fat men will be the ruin of me. That
last one simply put me on the bum"
WELL" replied the chewing gum ma
chine, now you can lie in weight for
the next one."-Catholic Standard and
Times.
The evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1907-1908, 1907-08-03

Sorry, sir" t%elephoned the butcher,
but we are just out of sirloin. Why
don't your wife order you a round?"
"W-what's that?" exploded Harker at
the other end of the line.
II say. why don't your wife order you
a round?"
why don't my wife order me around?
Great Caesar, man; that is all she does
order me around from morning until
night. If you were nearer I'd"
But h startled butcher hung up the
receiver and led.-Chicago News.
The evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1907-1908, 1907-08-03

There may be no pa1tering with murder
societies In the United States. The Italian
Black Hand and Malta, the Armenian
Huntshakist and every other cowardly
cut-throat conspiracy must be laugh that
its operations are more unsafe here for
those who undertake them than for their
intended victims. Milwaukee Wisconsia.
The evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1907-1908, 1907-08-03
IN HUMOROUS VEIN.
Annie Apology.

A small boy was overheard calling
his grandfather an old fool. HIS
mother. after furnishing him, sent him
in to beg his grandfather's pardon, and
heard him say between sobs, Grand
father. I'm sorry you're such an old
fool."-The Circle.
The evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1907-1908, 1907-08-03
soon Tired of 1t!

She-I hear you have just got mar
ried, Jim. Is it too late to offer con-
gratulations?
He-Oh! yes. I was married a month
ago.-Philadelphia Inquirer.
The evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1907-1908, 1907-08-03
The Cocaine Habit.

The extent of the cocaine habit in some
communities is, revealed by the fact that
more than 100 alleged secret vendors of the
drug have been arrested by the authorities
at Newark, NJ. ]. The activity of the Off
GERS of the law in Newark should recon-
mend closer observation by the police Of
other cities relative to the dope fiends"
who spread the use of cocaine and degrade
girls and boys.-Milwaukee Wisconsin.
The evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1907-1908, 1907-08-03
Automobiling.

The Friend Ito erratic driver, who
has lost his way)-We'd better go
straight on, I think. We must have
been up that road before.
The Erratic Driver-What make you
think that?
The Friend-Those men there. They
look as If they're burying something.
The Sketch.
The evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1907-1908, 1907-08-03

How did her father treat your
quite warmly. He invited me out"
Indeed"
Yes. He said, Come outside, where
there'll be no danger of smashing the
Judge.
The evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1907-1908, 1907-08-03
STAR

Anonymous communications cannot be
printed. Except on political subjects tho
names of correspondents are not required tr
publication. but rs a guarantee of good faith
Ed
The evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1907-1908, 1907-08-03

IF you will get my new suit done by
Saturday, said a customer to a tailor.
TIL be forever indebted to you"
IF that's your-game," replied the
tailor. the clothes will not be done
at ALL"
The evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1907-1908, 1907-08-03

The primaries are some time ahead yet. If they were to be
held within forty-eight hours it is reasonably certain that the
unpledged delegates, including a number of Colbytes, would
hold the balance Of power. The latter are divided in their
and Pitrey. N.
The evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1907-1908, 1907-08-03

Pittsburg's Mayor says that city employees must Withdraw
from politics or give up their jobs. No explanation as to how
they are to hold their Jobs if they retire from the political game
The evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1907-1908, 1907-08-03

All kinds of fool rumors get agoing in the silly season, but
the most absurd of all was that which imputed to George B.
Mcclellan an intention to resign as Mayor of New York. No
man in our time has ever chung more desperately to an office,
and especially one which he held under a c1ouded title.
The evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1907-1908, 1907-08-03

The members of the Ohio Republican Central Committee
must be odd characters. 1t certainly required great moral and
intellectual elasticity to declare in favor of Taft for President,
and at the same time indorse for reelection Senators Foraker
and Dick.
The evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1907-1908, 1907-08-03

Senator Beveridge, the silent young man from Indiana who
rarely talks, o n an average, more than ten thousand words a
day, says that we shall have to retain permanent control OF
Cuba. This modest young Instructor in all the arts and sci
and the philosophy of life and death has several more
guesses coming. Uncle Sam doesn't want Cuba and woudn' It
have it as a gift. His experience thus far as a stepfather
has been dstressingly painful and thankless.
The evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1907-1908, 1907-08-03

Judge Ptney has many warm advocates, especially among
the lawyers. Among his active political supporters are Senator
Kean, Major Carl Lentz, State Treasurer Voorhees, and Con-
gressme Gardner and Loudenslager. Acknowledgement McCarter
also favors him. "Davy'' Baird, the benevolent boss of Cam
den. is non-commital. In Mercer the Pitney men claim that
they can defeat the Fort cohorts. aided, as they expect to be-
bv the Postmaster of Trenton, the Sheriff of Mercer, Road Com
missioner Hutchinson and, possibly, Northumberland Muir
ray. They figure on carrying Union, Morris, Warren, Sussex,
Hunterdon, Mercer, Mddlesex and Passaic counties. In Essex
there will be a four-cornered fight, the candidates being Fort,
Pitney, Sommer and Riker. Monmouths Republican leaders
are reported to be for Pitney, with the exception of Joe
McDermott. probably the most influential of all, who is fi
Fort. Colonel Sam Dickinson will play a lone hand in Hud-
son by running a ticket for ex-Judge Collins without the lat
ter's consent.
The evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1907-1908, 1907-08-03

Viewed in any light. the contest I'm Ohio
between Taft and Foraker is d~eplorable.
Nothing is to be gained by 1t, and much
may be lost. 1t may result in the defeat
for the Republican nomination for Presi-
dent Of Taft, and the defeat for reelection
to the Senate of Foraker. Mr.. Taft pos
sesses many, very many, qualities that in
cicate that he would fill the highest office
In the land with credit. Mr.. Foraker has
demonstrated beyond question his ability
in the upper branch of Congress. h con-
test has already resulted in both being in
jured. 1t was poor policy and mighty poor
politics to begin lt.-Sprln gf1eld Union.
The evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1907-1908, 1907-08-03

One "Counselor Marcus Higginbotham' has read out OF
the Republican party Mayor Mark M. Pagan. If that action
had any force and effect it would be a bad thing for the
Republican party.
By the way, who is Counselor Marcus Higginbotham ~
The evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1907-1908, 1907-08-03

From all the facts and testimony so far adduced it looks
as if Judge Vroom had been the whole Board. The other
depended upon him and Warden Hayes and DR.. Ward
seemed to understand he was practically the Board.
However that may be, the inef6cency and negligence of the
Board is indisputable, and the only way to appease the righteous
wrath of the public is to make a clean sweep and install men
who will ably and conscientiously discharge their duties.
The evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1907-1908, 1907-08-03
The TariH and Live Issues.

The people are much more interested in
questions of corporate abuses and COM
binations of predatory wealth for self
enrichment at the general expense than
they are in tariff revision, and any at
tempt to supersede the former with the
latter will end in failure. Issues are not
made; they grow out Of events. The pub
lie mind is now liked on the evils which
nave grown. up with the development of
great combinations and on the measures
which must be taken for their suppression
or amelioration, and it will not be diverted
by the threadbare discussion of tariff re-
vision. That will come in due time as a
part OF a progressive course of admins
~tration; but the live issues will be those on
which the public thought has been concen-
trated for the last three or four years.
PHILADELPHIA Press.
The Philosophy of Eating.
The man who eats leisurely will eat long.
The man who loafs at meal time will not
only get more pleasure out of eating than
he would otherwise; he will also live
longer, and will get more out of life while
he lives. Eating Is a real pleasure for the
man who takes his time about it; pops a
bottle of wine or two, If so inclined ;; chats
with his family or friends, and so steals
up by degrees to cheese and coffee. But
eating is sheer %drudgery for the man who
eats hastily.
Appetites are worth whetting; stomach
are worth keeping, and the best possible
way to whet the one, and keep the other,
Is to eat like a thoroughbred, which means
to eat leisurely, and to make of the meal
one of 1ife's real functions, instead of a
mere Incident and a bit Of tedious drudgery.
Sanity in eating is a great American need.
Seattle Post-lntelligencer.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1907-03-29
EPIDEMIC FROM ALASKA.
Seattle Physician Says Spinal Menin-
gifts Came from North.

"I believe that the present epi-
demic Of spinal meningitis has been
brought down from Alaska. The ma
tives of the north are often stricken
with this disease and sometimes
whole villages are sick at a time"
says DR.. Ebert. of the u. S. marine
hospital service to the Seattle News.
"The disease is contagious only to a
slight extent. This shown in the fact
that seldom more than Que out of a
household contracts 1t. The plague
never confines itself to one locality
as does highly contagious diseases.
while it is believed that the dis
ease is started by a germ, the breed
ing place Of these bacteria has not
yet been found. Infection is slow as
the germ has to get into the blood
and into the brain and spinal system.
1.-THE disease is especially virulent,
scarcely more than ten per cent of
its victims survive. Death comes Of
ten in two days after the patient takes
to his bed.
II do not believe that the disease
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1907-03-29
HOSTETTER'S
STOMACH BITTERS

is a splendid Spring Medicine. 1t in
vigorates and renews the entire sys-
tenn and thus cures General Debility,
Dyspepsia, Indigestion, Costiveness,
Colds and Grippe. We guarantee its
purity.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1907-03-29

Private room and hoard. 313 South
Main street.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1907-03-29

King Alfonso of Spain, is said to
he suffe ring from tuberculosis.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1907-03-29

The Jesse Failing property at the
foot of Main street is the latest To-
cation for theater site, and it is
understood that Mr.. Failing is will
ing to sell his lot for theatrical pur-
poses. When seen this morning up
on the subject he said that so far he
had done nothing more than to talk
the matter over with President RAIDER
of the Commercial association. He
has lot 60 feet wide by 100 In
length, and believes that an addition
al 20 feet can be secured at the rear
IL needed. That he has a very de-
sirable location for a theater is be-
lieved by Mr.. Failing, and this morn
ing he talked with Mr. RAIDER re-
gardng the proposition Of forming a
stock company for the purpose Of
erecting a theater on his lot
Now that there IS no hope Of hav-
ing the Frazer theater remodeled
and the council and the fire wardens
are strongly opposed to its further
use as at present apparently the
only chance for a theater next sea-
son lies in the new building. Conse-
uuertly the matter is being much
discussed, ami the general sentiment
| Is that there are but two feasible
ways of securing a new playhouse.
one of these is through a local stock
company, while the other is for the
Northwest Theatrical circuit to erect
theater itself.
Circuit May Build.
That the Northwest Theatrical cir
cult will build a theater here is local
people do not, is believed by some.
1t is rumored that not long ago Man
ager John Cort of the Northwest cir
cult, stated he would be compelled
to build If no one else did. Pre-
sumably he would do so in order to
avoid making the long jump from
Baker City or La Grande to Portland.
However, 1t is not known just how
seriously Mr. Cort contemplates
building, and he may have no such
intentions. But II the circuit did
build here it would not be the first
instance in which the corporation has
acquired real property. Theaters are
now owned by It in many of the lar
ger cities of the west. and with its
large capitalization the circuit could
easily build here IL desired.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1907-03-29
ST0CKMAN MUST
PAY FULL FARE
NO MORE PASSES
FOR STOCK SHIPPERS.
Interstate Commerce Commission
Rules That Caretalers OF Stock
Shipments Must Pay Car Fare Same
as Other People-Ruling VIII Affect
Many Shippers.

Some of the stocknien In this Sec
ton will be sorry at the ruling made
by the interstate commerce commits
sion Yesterday that hereafter those
who go after animals as caretakers
must nav full fare same as other peo-
ple.
Aooora,ro 20 ,ooo, ro,,u,o,, o,s-
c,oI q has been the custon, for mon
In tba stoc,, business - the,, wonted
,o hr,ro oorIoaa or two -, horses
cattle or hogs from, some noint In the
oo,t 70 90, fraa tronsnortotion 70 thot
noint
This T., t,o ,o,, t,o ,ottor uos oa-
N
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1907-03-29
Juniors Will Hold Sale.

The juniors of the Christian En-
deavor society will hold a sale next
Saturday in the Dusenberry building
next to the office of the Pendleton
Tribune. From to 10 p. m. light re-
freshments will be served and large
number of useful and beautiful ar
ticles will be offered for sale, in
candy and other things in that line.
The sale is for the benefit of the
Benevolent association and the funds
will be used in support of orphan
ages, old peoples homes and other
forms of charity.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1907-03-29
Railroad Survey Completed.

The survey Of the new railroad line
from Holdman to the Columbia river Is
now complete and map OF the route
is being made. The line runs through
the government irrigation project and
1t will be necessary to secure permis-
sion from the government for right Of
way. The preliminary details Of the
work will be pushed along as rapidly
as possible.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1907-03-29
Henry Picard Located.

Henry Picard of Adams, who has
been absent from his home for the
past two months, was located yester-
day at Hermiston by his mother. He
had been working there for several
weeks and 1t was through the notice of
disappearance which appeared In the
East Oregonian that he was finally To-
nota6
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1907-03-29

II you see 1t in the East oregonian,
it's so.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1907-03-29
Page OF Moorhouse Pictures.

A page of Moorhouse pictures and
an article on the Moorhouse Indian
photographs will appear in the ami
versary number of the Oregon Daily
Journal which is now being prepared.
The special number of the Journal
will contain over 100 pages and $4,000
copies will be issued for distribution
in the east.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1907-03-29
NEW THEATER SITE
FAILING PROPERTY ON
MAIN STREET PROPOSED

Ground GOx1OO Feet Is Available, and
Possibly an Additional 20 Feet
Stock Company Is Being Discussed
and Also the Possibility of the
Northwest Theatrical Circuit
Building-Fclt That Something
Must Re Done Before Next Season
Opens.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1907-03-29
FEEL WEARY
And All Run Down!

Then get bottle of the Bitters from
your Druggist, Grocer or General
eDaler and let it clean out all impuri-
ties collected in your system during
the winter months.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1907-03-29
ROYAL BAKING POWDER CO.. NEW YORK

Is contagious enough to warrant a
quarantine and do not know Of any
preventative except that one should
avoid crowded buildings and streets
as much as possible"
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1907-03-29
Quick changes from hot to c

and back again try strong constitu-
tions and cause, among other evils.
nasal cattarrh. a troublesome and Of
fensive disease. Sneezing, coughing
and difficult breathing. and the drip
of the foul discharge into the throat
all are ended by Ely's Cream Balm.
This honest and positive remedy con-
tains no cocaine, mercury. nor other
harmful ingredient. The worst cases
are cured in a short time. All drug
gists, soc, or mailed by Ely Bros, SO
Warren street, New York.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1907-03-29
INTERMENT IN oLNEY.
Eddie Pearson Funeral Services VIII
Be Held Tomorrow.

died in Morrow county at p. m. We'd
nesday, have been brought here for
burial and the service will probably be
held some time tomorrow. The in
terment will be in Olney cemetery and
Rev. Looney of the NJ. Z. church,
south, will conduct the service.
The deceased was II years of age
and was a grandson of Kit Hayes.
I.ater.-The funeral will be held
at 10 a. m. at 315 Tustiu street.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1907-03-29
New Snow on Mountains.

Several inches of new snow fell on
the Blue mountains last night and
reaches well down to the foothills to-
day.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1907-02-21

Aid will be needed continually for
some months to come. The cold winter
weather now, of Central China, is
bringing the famine to a more acute
stage. A letter by the last mail says:
sThe dying part of the famine busI-
ness has already begun. l visited ham,
lets innumerable, in the course of my
roundabout journey through the famine
district, and in every collection OF
dwellings, there was either a dead or a
dying person, and in some places sew
eral. There is not the least shadow
of doubt about the cause; it is nothing
else than starvation. The appearance
of the people is often hidden by the
great bundles of clothes, or rags that
they wear. In some instances, l got a
of their bodies, for Photographic pur-
poses. They were emaciated to the
last degree, fearful and horrible
living skeletons. The Weather amongst
them were eating sort of Cruel made
of leaves and peanuts, and perhap a
little flour or rice.'' In some places
the officials distribute money to all
who have property to pledge. An eye
witness writes: 'sOutside of this OFF,
eial's place of business a crowd OF
poor supplicants crouched on the
ground, each with a piece of paper in
his hand which stated his name and.
property. As one received little
cash, they all rose and yelled together,
and could only be reduced to order
again, by a beating of sticks. Here
those who had no property got moth
ing At this place the official relief,
given away, had stopped for six days
and the poor among the people there
had had nothing for that time. How
many of the crowds at that place are
living todaya And in how many other
places thousands are reaching the
starving dying stagea China herself
is not equal to the task. The mission
aries, in these districts, are giving the
most systematic and practical relief.
AS fast as the food and money comes
in, it is distributed where most needed.
Hawaii is giving splendid aid, and the
relief funds at the Capitol, and at the
Hawaiian Board are still open. Treas
urer Mr.. Theodore Richards is ready to
receive contributions from any who
wish the pleasure of cooperating with
this grand work of the missionaries
who are giving relief. E. w. T.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1907-02-21
SOUTH SEA MANUSCRIPTS.

STANFORD UNIVERSITY, Febru-
airy 7.-Instead of staging a drama this
year, the English Club of Stanford Uni
versity will undertake Stevenson re-
vival. The first step in the plan will
be the editing of an unpublished manu-
script on Stevenson by Captain Moores
of Apia, Samoa, who was the business
agent and close personal friend of
Stevenson while the author was living
in the South Seas. The memoirs con-
sist of personal "reminiscences and I'M
published letters of the novelist.
Moores was a South Sea trader. and
Stevenson advised him to put his
numerous adventures into print, and
since the authors death the ex-trader
has written several books, among them
the Stevenson memoirs.
The English Club viii undertake the
revision and criticism of this manu-
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1907-02-21
LEGAL BATTLE OVER
TWENTY CENT BILL

1t took the District Court an hour
yesterday, with the assistance of a
couple of lawyers, to try case in
which A. F. Clark, the treasurer of
the Hustace Peck company, was sued
for a twenty-cent milk bill and the
Hustace Peck company ordered to hold
back a sufficient amount of the treas
urer's salary to cover the bill. The
defendant was represented by G. d.
Gear, the plaintiff, the Over Due Col
lection Agency, being present in per-
SON in H. T. Mills. The case was
finally decided against Mills, who has
already perfected an appeal to the
Circuit Court.
The circumstances of the twenty-cent
bill, as urged by the plaintiff, are
these: Two quarts of milk were duly
delivered by the Dairymen's Associa-
tion, at ten cents per. This was on
June 80 last. The bill has not been
hquidated, although the Overdue Agen-
cy has sent in couple of letters
strongly reminding Clark of the fact,
the bill having been assigned to Mills
on Friday last. every honest debt
should be paid" said one of these
letters, which further remarked that
excuses such as 81 will pay when /
get the money! or Gas soon as
can" would not go.
There were as many clashes between
the attorneys as the judge would stand
for. The sparks flew when Gear OBJ
jected to Mills making monkey of
himself on the witness stand. The use
of the word monkey aroused Mills.
81 object to these insulting remarks
of Mr.. Gear" shouted the witness,
coming down off the stand. He has
the Zoo in his mind, but if God ever
made a man that looked more like a
monkey in a Zoo than
Here Judge Whitney raised warn
ing hand and poured oil on the trou-
bled waters.
When seen after the trial, Mills said
that he would take the matter up to
the Supreme Court if necessary. He
wanted the twenty cents even if it
costs fifty dollars to collect every cent
of it.