davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1907-12-10

The hobo problem at Grants Pass
has been solved by Judge Hanna and
the police officers who give the
weary wlllies such doses of justice
that they are learning to fight shy Of
the town.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1907-12-10

Henry Watterson denounced Roose.
welt for not reiterating his refusal to
become candidate, before the ma
tional republican committee last
week.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23
In the Surface Car.

A fat Irishwoman, bearing number
of bundles, entered a crowded street
car. The only semblance Of seat she
could find was a small space at the
right of smartly dressed youth. Into
this space, sufficient only for an indi-
vidual Of ordinary size, the fieshy Irish
woman squeezed herself, much to the
annoyance of the youth.
After a moment or so the Irish
woman produced a cheese sandwich.
which she proceeded to devour with
every evidence of relish.
At this the youth gave her look of
ineffable disgust and drew the skirts
of his frock coat closer TO him.
Il suppose, me lad" good-naturedly
said the woman, that ye'd prayfer-r to
have gintleman sittin' mkt to ye."
Il certainly would" snapped the
youngster.
$50 would l." calmly responded the
fat person.-Exchange.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23
"MR. EDWARD"
|~~N>~NNN~~N


In 1888 the Prince of Wales was
much interested In the creation and
Organization of the College Of Music
In London. He caused it to be inti-
mated to the late Sir Henry Irving that
| 1t would show the interest of another
and allied branch of art in the under
taking If the dramatic artists would
give benefit for the new college. The
prince even suggested that Robert Ma
caire" would do excellently for the oc-
casion, with an all-star cast.
OF course Irving was delighted to
help, and the result was splendid per-
formance, at which the Prince and
Princess Of Wales attended, and sum
of more than one thousand pounds was
turned over to the college-the entire
receipts. Irving himself, says Mr.. Bran
Stoker in his Personal "reminiscences
Of Henry Irving" paid all the expenses.
In the first year Of its working, when
the class for dramatic study was or
ganized, Irving was asked by the direc.
torate to examine it, which he did cheer
fully, and in due time made his report
Soon afterward he received a letter OF
thanks for his services.
Although quite formal, IT was most
genial and kindly letter, and to the sig
nature was appended chairman" In
acknowledging 1t to Sir George Grove,
the director Of the college, Irving said
what a pleasure it had been to him to
be an examiner, and assured Sir George
that he would gladly hold his services
at the disposal Of the college. He add
ed to his letter this postscript:
by the way, who is our genial friend,
Mr.. Edward, chairman? do not think
| have met him."
He got Mortified letter sent by mes
senger from Sir George, explaining that
the signature was that of ALBERT Ed
ward" then Prince of Wales, now his
majesty, Edward VII.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23
The Huruenot..

Here are two essays on the Hugue.
.nots by Chicago public school pupils:
THE Hugonots are people in France
that are followers of Victor Hugo.
Their leader is a man named Jean
Vatican that was thief, but got con-
yerted and turned out well. The Hugo
nots are very good people. A lady
named Evangeline wrote long poem
about them, but it don't rhyme"
The Huguenots is the name of a big
thing like steam roller that the mo-
gul used in India to run over people.
1t squoshed them to death and was very
terrible. 1t had eyes painted on it like
a dragon and snorted steam when Il
was running. They are no huguenots
emmy more"
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23
sDeprived Of III. See !,

As an example of the ability of the
Juvenile scholar to evolve an unexpeet.
ed meaning from his text, a CORE
spondent relates that the following
question was put to a history class
What misfortune then. happened to
Bishop Odo" The reply came quite
readily, 'He went blind" An explana-
ton was demanded, and the genius
brought up the text book. "There. sir. -
triumphantly, "the book says so." The
sentence indicated by an Ink stained
digit read, "Odo was deprived of his
see"-London Spectator.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23
ROMANS USED SAFETY PINS.
Collar Button Among the Articles
Found I'm Ancient Tomha.


Found In Ancient Tombs.
Every now and then Ii Is discovered
that some extremely modern" inyen-
tion is in reality exceedingly old. For
example, the safety pin, tar from being
novelty or even of recent origin, is
decidedly antient-a fact made certain
by the hnding of a great many such
pms, fashioned exactly like those of to-
day, in old Roman and Etruscan tombs,
dating back Ia a period a good deal
earlier than the birth of Christ.
The SAFETY pin 10 truth was an arti-
Gle OF common use in Italy long before
the Roman empire attained the height
of its glory. Some of them were exact
ly like those OF to-day, utilizing the fa.
miliar principle of coiled spring and
catch, but the material of which they
were made seems always to have been
bronze. They took ON a development,
however, far more remarkable than our
modern safety pins, many of them be-
ing quite large affairs, ten inches or so
in length and hollow, as If designed to
be attachedNto the gown in front and
possibly to contain something or other
-conceiyably flowers. Not infrequent-
ly they were ornamented with gems.
Another ancient invention was the
collar stud. 1t Is true that the ancient
Romans did not use buttons to fasten
their garments, but for this very reason
safety ypinswere more urgently required,
and the latter seem to have been sup
plemented by studs OF bronze, which
were in shape exactly like those of to-
day. OF course, people in those times
wore no collars, but the little contri-
vance In question was utilized in other
ways. Probably-and indeed the as
is not rash one-it had in
that early epoch the same habit as
now of rolling under piece Of furni-
ture on slight provocation for the pur-
pose Of eluding observation and pur-
suit, with the usual perversity Of inani-
mate objects. Scientific American.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

A witness was being examined as tc
the sanity Of one Of the inmates of the
asylum. "You hold that this inmate is
insane, do your" lawyer asked. II
do" was the firm response. "Why are
you 50 sure?" "The man." the witness
said. goes about asserting that he is
Santa Claus" "And." said the law
yer. you hold, do you. that when a
man goes about asserting that he is
Santa Claus it's a clear proof of his in
sanity?" Il do" "Why?" Because y
said the witness, in loud, indignant
voice, 81 happen to be Santa Claus my
self"
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

away and finally so weak that for six
months I could not get out of the
house. / was nervous, restless and
sleepless at night, and lame and sore
in the morning. Sometimes every
thing would whirl and blur before me.
| bloated SO badly could not wear
tight clothing, and had to put on shoes
two sizes larger than usual. The urine
was disorlered and passages were
dreadfully frequent. / got help from
the first box of Doan's Kidney Pills,
however, and by the time l had taken
four boxes the pain and bloating was
gone. / have been in good health ever
since"
Sold by all dealers. 30 cents box.
Foster Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

There is more Catarrh in this section of tn,
country than all other diseases put together
and until the last few years was supposed TO b'
incurable. For greatmany years doctors pro
nounced it local disease, and prescribedloca
reme edies, and by constantly failing to cur'
with ocal treatment, pronounced itincurable
Science b as proven catarrh to be constitu
tional disc ase, and therefore requires constitu
tional treatment. Halls Catarrh Cure, manu-
factured by F. J. Cheney 4 Co., Toledo, Ohio, i
the only constitution al cure on the m arket. /
is taken internally in doses from 10 drops to
teaspo onful. 1t acts directly on the blood ant
mucous surfaces of the system. They offer on,
hundred dollars for any case 1t fails to cure
Send for circulars and testimonials.
Address, FIJI. CHENEY q CO., Toledo, 0
Sold by Druggists, 75c.
Halls Family Pills are the best.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23
Limifs.

The train was called the limited, but
what was limited about it? 1t ran at
an unlimited speed, the inciyility of
the conductor and the brakemen was
unlimited, as was the rapacity of the
porter.
Its mystery" !" exclaimed the little
party of foreigners.
But in moment they entered the
drawing room car and their wonder
vanished.
"Of course, It's the good taste of the
decorations!" they whispered, and, re-
membering their manners, pretended
not to notice.-Puck.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23
Worth knowing About

If you need first lass laxative. there is
nothing better nor safer than that old fam
lily remedy, Brandreth's Pills. Each pill
contains one grain of sol extract of
sarsaparilla, ich, with other valuable
getable products, make it blood pur-
ifier of excellent character. If you are
troubled with cynstif alton, one pill at
night will afford great relief
Brandreth' pills are the same fine lax.
ative tonic pill your grandparents used
They have beeu in use for over a century
and are sold in every drug and medicine
store, either pl, in or sugar coated.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23
Cynical.

Permit me to ask you, madam" said
the lawyer, who was friend of the fam
lily, your real reason for wanting di-
vorce from your husband"
HE isn't the man / thought I was
marrying" explained the fair caller.
"My dear madam" rejoined the law
yer, "the application of that principle
would break up every home in the coun-
try"
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23
A Memento.

A gentleman was calling upon the
widow of valued friend, says lie Fig
arc. During the visit he said:
Il was a good friend of your late
husband. Is there not perhaps some
thing which was his and which / could
have as memento of him?"
fearful widow: "How would I do ?s
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

Senator, everybody is commencing
that speech you made the other day on
the subject of the trusts"
L think myself it was a pretty fair
effort
Unfortunately, didn't hear it. Wha.
position did you take?"
Bless you, l didn't take any. man
aged. however, to assure each party to the
controversy that its position was the only
correct and logical one."
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

Moses was numbering the children Of
Israel.
What are you doing that for?' some
body asked him.
'They wouldn't stand for a referen-
dum," explained Moses, "and had to
turn it into census"
Not even his worst enemies, however,
accused Moses of doing it for political
purposes.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23
Rubbing II In.

Miss Redpep-You are better, are you
not, Mr.. Feathertop? You were not look
ing at all well the last time / saw you.
Mr.. Feathertop-Why, when did you
see me last?
Miss Redpep-At the Swellham recep-
ton. You were waltzing, l think, with
Miss Flutterby.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23
No Diagram with This

"Smythe, you called on that Boston
girl, did you? Was she at-home?"
Yes, she was at home, but you see"
"Yes?"
"She was at home, but you see"
"Wellp
"She was at home, but you see"
go on"
"As said she was at home, but you
see"
Yes, yes; she was at home, but
sec"
"Well, that's the answer"
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

w. A. Mitchell, dealer in general
merchandise, Martin, Ca, writes:
"My wife lost in weight from 130 to
E6S pounds. Wesaw she could not live
long. She was skeleton, SO we con-
suited an old physician. He told her
to try Peruna.
"She gradually commenced inn
proving and getting little strength.
She now weighs 1O6 pounds. She is
gaining every day, and does her own
homework and cooking"
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23
Dubious.

Stippler-Did Miss Kutts admire
your paintings? Dobber l don't
know. Stippler-What did she say
about them? Dobbler-That she could
feel that l put great deal of myself
into my work. Stippler - Well, that's
praise. Dobber-Is it? The picture
/ showed her was "Calves in a Mead
OvO
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

worked hard in my
time and have been
exposed again and
again to changes OF
weather. II is no won
der my kidneys gave
out and I went all to
pieces at last. For five
wears I WAS fading
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23
The Humorist.

Mr.. Depew threw aside the paper in
which he had just read that as a Senator
he was joke.
I'm that case" he said with decision
Il will not resign. l wouldn't spoil a
joke for anybody. dy."-Philadelphia Ledger.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23
Shake Into Your Shoea

Aliens Foot Ease. A powder. 1t makes tight
or new shoes feel easy. 1t is certain cure Tor
sweating, callous and hot, tired, aching feet.
Sold by. all Druggists. Price 25c Trial pack
age mailed FREE. Address Allen s. Olmsted,
Leroy, New York.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23
ont In the Gold.

"Old Fullerplunks, who died a month
or two ago, didn't leave you anything,
hey? thought he was near relative
of yours"
Near? He was closer than the shrunk-
en- jacket on a sixteen-inch gun !"
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23
same Old Feeling.

Gladys-I feel sure he has never
loved before. Penelope-Oh, 1 felt the
same way, dear, when be used to make
! love to me New York Press.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

First lnsaraaee Company, 1899.
; The Society Of Assurance for Wfd
ows and Orphans was the first knowr
life insurance company and was estab
lished In London In 1699.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23
OoIy One ..BROMo oIllN,Nf.

That is LAXATIVE BRoMo ouinine. simf.
larly named remedies sometimes deceive
Inc n ~ FIRST and original Cold Tablet is a WHITE
PACKAGE with black and red lettering. and
bears the signature of Z. w. GROVE. Csc.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23
Plts CURED IN 6 Tot4 DAYS.

PAzo OINTMENT is guaranteed to cure any
case OF iching, blind, bleeding or protruding
piles in to IA days or money refunded.5 .50c
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

Education is great thing no doubt,
but the best housekeepers didn't get
their knowledge out OF boob@.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

Mothers will find Mrs. Winnow's Soothin,
Syrup the best remedy to use for their childreJ
during tho teething period.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

FIN permanently cured by DR.. Kline's Great
Nerve Restorer. Send for FREE % trial bottle and
treatise Dr. r. H Klines Ld 931 Arch St., Phila Pa
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23
Unappreciatiye.

Mrs. Homer (reading)-An ordi-
nary piano contains about mile of
wire
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

Gunner-I should say 50. They gave
the college yell and the burglar hasn't
stopped running yet.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23
But the Other Side Objected.

NDUN NHt UtHGE SIUU UDJtGNGUs
Attorney (for the defense )-Do you
know anything about the merits of this
case?
Venireman-I should say not. 1t hasn't
any merits.
Attorney-We'll take this man, your
honor.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

Homer-Huh The one next door
sounds like it contained wagon load
of tinware.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23
Time IN RIM

Gunner-There was bad, bold bur-
glar up in the girls college the other
dow
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23
FADED TO A SHADOW.

Worn Down by Five Years of Suffer.
ing from Kidney Complaint.
Mrs. Remethe Myers, Of 1870 South
Tenth St., Ironton, o., saws: II have
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23
BLOOD POISON
NOLIMIT TOITS POWERS FOR EVIL

Contagious Blood Poison has brought suffering misery and hua
ion into combined there hardly
limit powers for evil is the blacklist and ves of all disorders
transmitted to innocent offspring bghng legacy suffering and shame
the trouble that innocent
using toilet articles clothing of
blood Not only powerful poison
very deceptive
know little ulcer which usually makes its appearance first of
suffering the
ungy copper olord spots swollen glands in the groin
falling and ulcers the body and
diseased
becomes object Of pity his fellow Ep
Blood Poison when
infected person ndvors combat the poison with and potash
These outward symptoms troubles
while into belief
left hends that the poison
deeper reappear
strong minerals have failed the virus from
the
she only and certain for Contagious Blood Poi
adeo combination of healing boodpuring roots herbs
bar great laboratory
offer proof that S. contains particle
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

Guyer-You don't say. And did the
girls yallp
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

swell, that's the answer"
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-05-07
RHEUMATISM CAN BE CURED.

That rheumatism Is one Of the most
obstinate OF diseases most physicians
Will declare, and that once It takes
firm hold upon the human system It's
victim Is In for 4 period Of great suf,
fering Is equally true. Modern meth
obs In medicine are. however, doing
mich to rob rheumatism Of It's ter
rors. and doctors of wide experience
say that In the treatment Of the dis
ease great success follows the faith,
iul use of these prescriptions: Have
matte tablets composed Of 2is grains
Sodium Bicarbonate. 3 grains Salicy.
lie Acid and ! minim Wine Of Colchi.
clm. Take one Of these tablets be.
fore each meal, following It immcdl'
ate|y with glass OF water. After
each meal take one tablespoonful Of .
preparation Of Y OF. Fluid Extract OF
Horse Nettle, l or. Amet Cordial, 4
ozs. water. Any first class pharmacy
can compound these prescriptions.
The treatment, which should be con.
tinued for a month. Is reported to
work wonders, even. In cases that have
resisted other medicines. NJ. Z
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-05-07

From India comes story Of the dis.
comfiture Of Il very distinguished SOL
der. 1t happened at n biI dinner,
where he hal taken in pretty Amer.
lean globe trotter. who asked him to
pass n dish Of almonds ant1 raislns.
with pleasure" replied the gallant
son of Mars. "but do you know TINT
wlat you have asked for Is called In
the rernacular kisSmIss and TINT the
penalty Of kiss attaches to the re.
dHcst" H
is TINT soi" answered the woman
calmly. 81 must consult my husband"
and she called across the table to him
and told him Of the request.
Quite So" he replied. according to
the custom of the country II is n Just
debt aud must be pail; hut Is The gen
eral aware Of the arrangement made
when We married that i must settle
all my wlte's llablllties!.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-05-07

heSH Aa 5tks Psrisaps.
COMIC actor who had been engaged
70 entertain d family party pfopose ia at
the conclusion sof tie performance ID
little game of his own Each I &c the
company, himself included, was x to
stake half d crown, and the pool would
be taken by tile person who possessed
the most Of the articles which lie lthc
COMEDIAN would inquire tor. On his
assurance that he would take no mean
advantage, but run the same risk us
the rest, all the members Of the party
consented. and between f3 and if4 WIS
soon laid on the table. The actor add.
cd his piece to the pool, with a cuu-
ming smile. and then said:
Snow, which Of you ladies' and gen.
tlcmen happen to have the greatest
number Of false teetli%
Deqthlike silence relgncd for about 4
minute. then Il burst OF laughter, both
hearty and III some cases forced.
II have three" continued the motor.
"Who has got more!"
The comedian took. the pool.--Loudon
Tit Bits, .5s.5 4-
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-05-07

The late Senator William 3. Bate OF
Tennessee was u major general In the
Confederate arnty aud uerer quite rec.
onciled himself to the defeat Of the
south. Soon after be came to the sen.
ate lie formulated set of rules which
he called "Eules for my proper lcgls-
iative guidance" Whenever II PROPOSE,
ton cane up about which he WIS I'm.
decided he would take the printed slip
containing these rules from his pocket
and study 1t carefully.
Bate said colleague one day.
"wliat is that slip Of paper to which
you refer so frequently"
"Thut." said Senator Bate, us little
reminder OF my belief on constitutional
questions"
Where did you get 1t? Think 1t out
yourself?' 4a5
NO. suh," replied Bate, with much
dignity: II found most OF those lmmor.
taf truths in the constitution OF the
Confederate States of America. Sat.
urdny Evening Post.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-05-07

dummy used to display the latcs, Paris
creations. When no answer came to
his impasslonetl declaration OF eternal
love, In true abor'g|ae style lie sent q
left hook to the jaw to show the ear.
nestness Of his desire.
His hand went clear through and
came out just behind the flower be.
deeked bonnet resting upon the dun.
my's golden locks, Startled ut first,
John Horse decided he had accomplish
I'd a deed OF proves and pulled out a
knife to scalp his victim. He asked
the praPrletress for milestone where.
with to sharpen the weapon.
Before onloOkers had rallied sutfi.
clently to answer officer Farnsworth
had John Horse by the collar and led
him from the room. He was booked at
the station house as drunk and dlsor.
DERBY.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-05-07

In SIMkespeare's time no musical
dictionary could have distinguished
between orchestra" and "ban1." tor
the simple reason that neither word
was then English In a musical sense.
Orchestra" did not arrive before the
eighteenth century aud even "band''
not until the latter half OF the seren.
teenth. when Charles II. had "band
Of vlo!ins." In Initiation probably OF
Louis XIv.'s "bande." The old Eng.
lsh word for n band Of music was
noise" "See II thou can8t find out
Sneak's noise. Mistress Tearsheet
would faln hear some music" says one
drawer to the other at the Boar's Head
tavern. And just so Ben Jonson has
"a noise OF adllers" and "a noise OF
trumpets." The old word Is wanted
for many a gathering OF musicians out.
side this writer's fat.-I.ondou Chron.
icle,