davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Brandon news. (Brandon, Miss.) 1892-1961, 1907-06-27
THOUGHT CHILD WOULD DIE.
Whole Body Covered With Cuban
Itch Cuticura Remedies Cure
at Cost Of 75c.


MY little boy, when only an infant Of
three months. caught the Cuban Itch.
Sores broke out from his head to the bot
tom Of his feet. He would itch and claw
himself and cry all the time. He could not
sleep day or night, and light dress is all
he could wear. / called one Of our best
doctors to treat him, and his treatment did
not do any good, but he seemed to get
worse. He suffered so terribly that my
husband said he believed he would have to
die. / had almost given up hope when =
lady friend told me to try the Cuticura
Remedies. / used the Cuticura Soap and
applied the Cuticura Ointment and he at
once fell into . sleep, and he slept with
ease for the first time for two months.
After three applications the sores began to
dry up. and in just two weeks from the
day commenced to use the Cuticura Rem
edies my baby was entirely well. The treat
ment onls cost me 75c., and / would have
gladly paid 500 if could not have got il
any cheaper. feel safe in saying that the
Cuticura Remedies saved his life. He i
now boy Of fvo years. Mrs. Zana Miller,
Union City, r. r. d, No. !, Hraneh o.,
Mich, Nay II, 1900"
The Brandon news. (Brandon, Miss.) 1892-1961, 1907-06-27
Boon for Housewives.

If the Builders Exhibition at Olym-
pia had possessed no other point of
special appeal to the housewife, the
exhibits of window frames and sashes
would alone have sufficed to make
1t worth her while to go there and
study them. There were several types
Of revolving sash window frames
easily manipulated, enabling the pane
to be swung inward or outward for
cleaning purposes, but it was the fold
ing easement which appealed to the
common sense OF every one as being
the ideal thing in window fittings
London Tribune.
The Brandon news. (Brandon, Miss.) 1892-1961, 1907-06-27

The latest type Of battle ship pro-
posed by British designers, declares
the Buffalo Courier. is to be run by
gas engines and will have no fun
nels. Should this new departure
prove successful, ships that have
cost various governments hundreds
OF millions probably would soon be
regarded as obsolete.
The Brandon news. (Brandon, Miss.) 1892-1961, 1907-06-27

A1odA- Diu YOU really CAJOy youA
stay in Parish" Joax-sI came home
in the steerage. Boston Record.
There are times when words fail
man-but If he has wife it doesn't
matter much.-Chicago Daily News.
The way to get rich is to lay up
part of your own income and as much
as possible of other peoples
erville Journal
Of modern philosophy
Here is a peep:
Beauty is oftentimes
Only clothes deep!
Jennie-"Did you hear Of the aw-
ful fright Jack got on his wedding
day." Olive-"Yes, indeed was
there and saw her. "-Tit-Bits.
Frightened Actor-"The leading
lady is tearing her hair!" Stage
Manager-ssW what of 1t? It isn't
her hair. Detroit Free Press.
Mrs. Browne-tsMrs. Wythe says
she thinks that it is wrong to play
whist" Mrs. Black-"It is, the way
she plays it.''-Somerville Journal
You have no sense of humor," he
complained. You can't take joke. :"
Il took one when got you" she Bit
terly replied. Chicago Record-Her-
aid.
Girl Ito crying little brother -
Aren't you ashamed of yourself,
Dick? Bobbie says he has already
given you two bites" Dick-"Bu
it's my apple. Life.
To see the attitudes they strike,
You'd think, by jung,
That almost-fame is very like
The real thing
Washington Herald.
Tom Mamma, let's move" Mann
ma-"What for, dear?" Tom-"Oh,
I've licked every kid in the block, an
there's no more fun here. - Chicago
Daily News.
Shea How long have you been
sick?" Ryan-"Five days" Shea
GLORY be! An why don't We git q
doctor?" Ryan Sure, got to go
to wur-ruk Monday marnin'. -
Puck.
Mother Ito her little son, playing
horse with visitors umbrella -
Don't ride away with Mrs. Bore
hams umbrella, Bobbie. Bobbie
why not, mother? I won't hurt it. !"
Mother You might, dear. And,
anyhow, she'll be wanting it direct
ly."-Punch.
4Can you. give bond?" asked the
Judge. Have you got anything? !"
3Jedge," replied the prisoner, asence
you ak me, I'll tell you: hain't got
nuthin' in the worl 'cept the spring
chills, six acres O no-'count land. a
big family, a hope of a hereafter, an
the OF war-rheumatism! Atlanta
Constitution.
Permit me to ask you, madam"
said the lawyer, who was friend Of
the family, your real reason for
wanting a divorce from your hus-
band" He isn't the man thought
| was marrying" explained the fair
caller. My dear madam" rejoined
the lawyer, the application Of that
principle would break up every home
In the country. Chicago Tribune.
The Brandon news. (Brandon, Miss.) 1892-1961, 1907-06-27

The railroads are fighting with
tooth and nail the laws being pushed
IN various States to limit fares to
two cents a mile: they declare with
tears IN their eyes that il they cut
fares they will lose money. And yet,
urges the Pathfinder, when Uncle
Sam reduced letter postage from
three cents half ounce to two cents
an ounce the receipts soon jumped
enough to more than make up.
The Brandon news. (Brandon, Miss.) 1892-1961, 1907-06-27

It r. fortunate and gratdfydng %
the Boston Post that Massachusetts
leads IN the matter Of pure food. Or.
Harrington. Of the State Board Of
Health, States that lees than 10 per
cent of the milk sold today ii our
State Is impure, whereas IL 1883,
when the nrst serious EFFORT was
made to establish its purify. rs rer
ceSt was anfit for food.
The Brandon news. (Brandon, Miss.) 1892-1961, 1907-06-27
SERVED UP IN PIEs.

NOW Dwarf was brought 10 NotlC0
Strange Disguise for Host.
The Pie Girl who, as given in
the evidence at the Thaw trial, was
with q number Of birds served up
in q pie at theatrical supper IS by
40 means the first human being who
has been thus treated.
Jeffery Hudson, the celebrated
dwarf, with whom all readers OF
3cott's "Peveril Of the Peak" are
acquainted, was first brought to the
notice OF Charles ]. during a visit
Of that monarch and his queen to
Burleigh-on-the- Hill, the residence OF
the Duke of Buckingham, in whose
service the manikin was. At din
ner large cold pie made its appear
ance. says the London Tit-Bits. and
IN this being cut by the queen Hud-
son stepped forth and made his obei-
sance to royalty.
Another dwarf Richebourg, appear.
ed on the table Of French nobleman
In the interior of gigantic raised
pie. At q given signal this was cut;
and disclosed the pygmy, who, bear
Ing a silver salver on which were
arranged number Of articles OF
jewelry, advanced across the table
and In turn presented each OF the
guests with valuable souvenir.
In 1888 a M. de Parties gave BAN
uuet in Paris to a dozen ladies Of
the ballet and their admirers. In the
centre OF the table was colossal:
heap of fruit, which, on being struck
with golden wand by the host, fell
away, revealing three young girls
CARRIED as Hebes, who during the re-
past waited upon the ladies. while
. like number OF youths, representing
Ganymedes, who had made their APP
pearance in more prosaic man
ner, attended to the wants Of the
male guests.
Some six years back wealthy
French countess gave q dinner at
which the centerpiece was q mass Of
the rarcst and most beautiful bios
SONS. From these, as soon as the
diners were seated, arose Marguerite
Deval, who. as the courses succeeded
one another. sang the menu in a
sweet voice.
At q dinner given In the seventies
IN Rome by q rich Italian the decora-
ton Of the table was remarkable for
the presence OF half q dozen huge
cakes. From these, as the repast pro-
The Brandon news. (Brandon, Miss.) 1892-1961, 1907-06-27
Ovcr-Worked Ewes

Are relieved OF blood-shot and inflammation
without pain in one dayby Leonardis Gold
en- Eye Lotion. Goods, heals and strength
ems. Insist on having sLeonardi's" It makes
strong eyes. Guaranteed or money refund
ed. druggists sell II at IS cts. or forwarded
prepaid on receipt Of price by s. Leonardo
d Co., Tampa, Fla.
The Brandon news. (Brandon, Miss.) 1892-1961, 1907-06-27

In Kansas they insist that drug
store whisky does not come within
the terms OF the pure food law, notes
the Birmingham Age-HeraId, because
Il is neither pure nor food.
The Brandon news. (Brandon, Miss.) 1892-1961, 1907-06-27

Victor Emmanuers collection Of
the coins Of his own country amounts
to more than $4,000 specimens, with
catalogue of nearly $4,000 slips.
The Brandon news. (Brandon, Miss.) 1892-1961, 1907-06-27

FITS, st. Vitus' DaI 20: N ervous Diseases Der
manently cured by Dr. Kllne's Great Nerve
kestOrer. - trial bottle and treatise froa
~. Il. 3. Kline, Id. 1881 Arch ST., Phila, Pa,
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1907-07-10
Three Verse Eggs.

a web known doctor of divinity who
may be nameless here was once tour
ing a sparsely settled part of the eoun-
try and one night put up at a comfort
able looking farmhouse. where he soon
got upon cordial terms with the fam.
lily. Next morning, coming down tO
breakfast, he found the men folks all
departed TO work and the farmers
wife waiting to prepare his breakfast
How do you like your eggsY she
inquired solicitously
Medium well DONE" was the an.
swer.
WhereupOn the good hostess retired
to the kitchen, whence In a few mo-
ments came the sound Of her voice
singing Nearer, My God, TO Thee
The doctor, being a good singer him
self, Joined heartily In this morning
hymn.
After singing three verses the lady
suddenly stopped and forthwith ap-
peared with the eggs.
What was the matter with the
fourth verse;" asked the minister
with smile.
"Oh, you said you liked your eggs
medium, SO / sang three verses. II
tnkes four verses to boil 'em hard"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1907-07-10
How 70 Put 4 Cake TonAtner.

The following way of putting a cake
together never fails, says the Boston
Herald: Work the butter and sugar TO
a cream, beat the whites and yolks of
eggs separately whites to q stiff
froth, the yOlks to a cream-then add
yolks to the creamed butter and sugar;
afterward add the milk, then the fla
voring, next the whites of the cggs
and lastly the -four by degr) =. If
fruit is added, dredge for over it.,
stirring it In slowly and T. Jroughly be-
fore the -four. Where the recipe calls
for baking powder and you are out Of
it use soda and cream of tartar In the
propo ION of one level teaspoonful of
soda ~ two heaplng teaspoonfuls OF
cream of tartar Sift the cream Of
tartar into the -four, dissolve the soda
In teaspoonful of boiling water, add
ing it to the cake before adding the
whites of the eggs. When sour milk
Is used, always use soda, not baking
DOWdpr
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1907-07-10
HOW DID YOU DIE?


Did you tackle the trouble that came your
way
With a rcsolute heart and cheerful?
Or hide your face from the light of day.
With a craven soul and fearful?
oh. a troubles ton or troubles an
ounce
Or q trouble is what you make it,
And it isn't the fact that you're hurt that
counts
But only how did you take it!
You are beaten to earth? Well, well.
what's that?
Come I'D with smiling face.
It's nothing against you to fall down NAT
But to lie there that's disgrace
The harder you're thrown. why the higher
you bounce;
Be proud of your blackened eye!
1t isn't the fact that you're licked that
counts;
It's how did you Highland why!
And. though you be done to the death,
what then?
If you battIed the best you could,
If YOU played your part in the world or
men.
Why, the Critic win call it good.
Death comes with a crawl or comes with
a pounce,
And. whether he's slow or spry,
1t isn't the fact that you're dead that
counts,
But only how did you die!
Edmund Vance Cooke.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1907-07-10
Consolation.

Rev. B. of New York is a very
popular preacher, and every day many
persons visit him at his home In search
Of religious consolation or If advice.
The very small daughter of the house
is quite observing and much TO the
surprise Of her parents seems to take a
great interest In her fathers callers.
One day when her father was away a
noted bishop called TO see him OH bust
ness connected with the church. The
little girl answered his ring at the
doorbell.
rs your father In, my little maidT'
the great man asked kindly.
Two round blue eyes gaZed at him
solemnly for a few seconds; then she
took hold of his hand and in voice
filed with compassion said mo, ia
Their Is not in now, but COME in, poor
dying sinner; mother vii. pray for
you."-Lippincott's.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1907-07-10
Pot and Kettle.

One day learned professor was ac-
costed by a very dirty little bootblack
with "Shine your shoes. STRIP
The professor was impressed by the
filthlness of the boys face
Il don't want a shine, my lad said
he, but if you'll go and wash your
face I'll give You sixpence."
IA RIGHT. sir" was the lads reply as
he went over to a neighboring foun-
tain and made his ablutions. Return.
ing, he held out his hand for the
money.
We'll, my lad" said the professor
you have earned your siypence. Here
it is"
Il dinna want it. aud chap" return
ed the boy, with a lordly air. "Ye
keep it and get yer hair cut"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1907-07-10
Worrying About Pa.

\ preacher had ordered a load of hay
from one of his pensioners. About
noon, the paFiSbioner'S little son came
to the house crying Justify. On being
asked what the matter was. he said
that the load of hay had tipped over in
the street The preacher. q kindly
man. assured the little fellow that it
was nothing serious. and asked him I'm
TO dinner.
"Pa wouldn't like IT," said the boy.
But the preacher assured him that he
would fix 1t all right with his father
and urged hin to take dinner before
going for tho hay. After dinner the
boy was asked If he were not glad that
he had stayed.
PA won't like it." he persisted
The preacher. unable to understand
asked the boy what made him think
his father would object.
why, you see. pas under the hay"
explained. the boy.-Every body's.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1907-07-10
The Governors Exclamation.

The Kansas legislature having enact.
ed law already on the statute book.
Governor Hoch vetoed ii, remarking
in his message that it was up 10 the
intr0ducer the bill to 'set EN- up"
A member Of the opposition. thinking
that this was dangerous expression
Tor the governor of a prohibition state
to use, had a resNiution adopted calling
on the governor to explain The gov
ernor sent this message in answer:
To the Senate am in receipt Of senate
resolution No. 10. introduced by the sena-
tor from Atchison county, requesting mo
TO explain what WAS meant by the term
''set EN- up. as used In my veto message
of senate bill No. 3i1 This expression
used playfully and without having any
particular meaning, and possibly hardly
COMFORTING with the dignity of your body
seems to have had. If not n good. at least
an unexpected effect. in that 1t has caus-
ed the emaciated corpse OF the Kansas
Democracy TO take on the semblance Of
life and sit up and take notice
The belief in miracles is here strength
ened by absolute proof showing that the
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1907-07-10
Lord John Russell.


Lord John Russell was a very small
man. Sidney Smith says that when
Lord John first contested Devonshire
the burly electors were disappointed
by the physical insignificance of their
candidate. but We're satisfied when 1t
was explained to them that he had
once been much larger, hut was worn
away by the anxieties and struggles
Of the reform bill of 1892 Lord John
had no r2cmory for faces ana was
painfully apt to ignore his political fol-
lowers when he met them beyond the
walls Of parliament. once. staying in
a Scotch country house. he found MIN
self thrown with young Lord d., now
Earl of S. He liked the young mans
conversation and was pleased to find
that he was a Wing. When the party
broke up, Lord John conquered his
shyness sufficiently to say to his now
friend, We'll, Lord D., l am very glad
to have made your acquaintance. ard
now you must come into the house OF
commons and support me there" Il
have been doing that for the last ten
years, Lord John" was the reply of
the gratiticd folIower-"Co collections
and RecolIections"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1907-07-10
CARE or RAzoRS.
How to Keep Them In Good Condition
For Years.

For Years.
It has been estimated that nine
tenths OF the people of the United
States shave themselves, and 1t is safe
to say that nine-tenths of these shaw
ers hone, strop and care for their own
razors, says the New York Herald.
A common razor costs from 80 cents
10 So and lasts lifetime, even a CEN
fury, If used well, but most men use
their razors worse than their carving
knives.
1t is not generally known that razor
works on the same principle as a saw.
Under a magnifying glass the edge of
razor is found to be made up of little
teeth, irregular and fine When a man
Is through shaving, especially If he Is
IN a hurry, he puts up his razor with
out even wiping 1t of. Then when he
wishes to use 1t again he takes 1t from
the case and applies it directly to his
face
The majority of men who shave
themselves do not strop their blades
oftener than once a week This Is ruin
Gus to the edge, for being constructed
like a saw the soap and fine particles
of hair clog up the teeth and not only
hinder the razor from doing Its work
properly, but also rust the edge.
The proper way to shave Is to use
sidewise, slanting. saving motion.
There is less difficulty In the cutting
In this way AMI practically no pull"
unless the razor Is In extremely bad
condition. The man who learned to
shave by himself VIII invariably pick
up razor and pull directly and forci
bly, down his cheek. The man who
has learned from one who knows uses
the saving motion and saves much
time and trouble as well as his skin.
The stropping of razor is more Inn
portant than most men consider it. On
the stropping depend directly the
health and longevity of the tool Most
men know the stropping motion; the
only fault is that they do not employ
their knowledge often enough.
The honing of the blade is of the
highest Importance. Nine-tenths of the
sell shaVeCs hone their razors them
selves and nine-tenths OF these hone
them the wrong way. Even the MAJ
jority of BARRIERS, who are supposed to
know, use the old fashioned, laborious
ard unsatisfactory method of honlng.
They draw the razor across the hone
with the edge; the proper way is 20
draw 1t against the edge and thus
save time by getting the greatest cut
ting force from the tool.
To bring a dull razor to an edge dip
light side of rub stone In cold water
lido not use hot water, rub on hone I'M
til you create thin lather; lay razor
perfectly fat so that both back and
edge touch the hone: draw razor across
the hone from heel to point against
the edge; hone in this way until your
razor is sharp. Test razor on thumb
nail; If 1t adheres from heel to point
then you have an edge. Honing after
these directions 1t is impossible TO get
wire edge" which happens to al
most every amateur.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1907-07-10
- The .
Scrap Book
Pats Retort.

A bishop was travelling in a mining
country and encountered an old Irish
man turning a windlass which hauled
up ore out of a shaft. 1t was his work
to do this all day long. His hat was
off, and the sun was pouring down on
his unprotected head.
Don't you know the sun will in5ure
your brain if you expose 1t In that
manner" said the bishop.
The freshman wiped the sweat off
his forehead and looked Mt the clergy
man. DO you think I'd be doing this
all day if l had any brainsY' he said,
and then gave the handle another turn.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1907-07-10

n lawyer had among his clients a
German farmer, a hard working, plain,
blunt man. Hearing he had lost his
wife, the lawyer sought him out to ex-
press his sympathy To his amazement
the German replied. But / am mar.
ried again"
us it possible, and only three weeks
since you buried your wife,"
dot is so, mine friend. but she Is a.
dead as she ever will be-"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1907-07-10
So Son; So Fathsr7

a small boy who had been very
naughty was first reprimanded, then
told that he must take a whipping. He
flew upstairs and hid in the far corner
under bed Just then the father
came home. The mother told him what
had occurred. He went upstairs and
proceeded to crawl under the bed to-
ward the youngster, who whispered
excitedly: Hello, pop! Is she after
you tOo?"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1907-07-10

proper c7.s VIII restore animation 70 the
dead If the Angel Gabriel standing with
one foot on land and one on sea, were TO
blow such a blast from his trumpet that
the mountains should rock to their bases.
the Democratic party would probably
sleep on undisturbed but II he were even
to whisper the magic words set 'em up :"
the grave Of this moFibund organization
would give UP its dead, and from the en-
tire aggregation, headed by the talented
and handsome senator from AtchisOn,
would come the answer in swelling cho-
rus. I'VE win take the same.
f. w HOCH, Governor.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1907-07-10
Solid FOOD.

An old Sourh Carolina darky was
sent to the hospital of st. Xavier in
Charleston.
One Of the gentle. black ROBBED sisters
put thermometer in his mouth to
take his temperature Presently, when
the doctor made his rounds. he said:
We'll, Nathan, how do You feelr'
II feels right torble. boss"
Have you had any nourishmentY'
"Yassir"
What did you have??"
"A lady done gimme a piece uf glass
ter suck, boss. "-Lippincott's.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1907-07-10
Knew What He Was.

A little girl was out walking with
her aunt one day. The aunt bowed to
a man they were passing.
"Who is ne, Aunt Jennie?" asked the
little girl.
Mrs. Littlefield told her that he was
Mr. Melrose. the village undertaken
'Oh. yes" replied the child quickly
Il remember him. He undertook my
grandmother Harper's Bazaar.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1907-07-10
contented.

An old. old man was on his death
bed He had been a very wicked man,
and now he faced the great accounting.
A priest stood by his bedside to receive
his last confession. Il do not remem-
Der" the old man said feebly. that
ever declined an opportunity to enjoy
myself. And SO die" gasped for
breath; after a minute or two he was
able to resume-'and so l die con
tented"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1907-07-10
Az One Boy to Another.

what did you do, James, when Ed.
ward called you a liar" asked the
teacher.
Il remembered what you said, that
"a soft answer turneth away wrath"
replied James.
Good boy. What soft answer did
you make" querled the interested
teacher
"Why, l hit him with a rotten toma-
to-" said James.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1907-07-10
Your Fat Friend.

Beau Brummel and the Prince of
Wales We're estranged The prince in
the park one day spoke to 4 gentleman
who was with Brummel, but deliber
ateIy cut the latter. Brummel turning
to his acquaintance, said, Pray, who
is your fat friendf"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1907-07-10
MARRIED

At the residence Of the brides parents Mr. and
Mrs. l.. Dalton, at Valley June 3Oth by Rev c
y. Hoke, Mr. john H. DUsENBERY of Pardee-
vile, and Miss MILDRED DALTON Of Valley.
At the farm home of Mrs. Eliza Rumsey near
Springville occurred the marriage of her grand
daughter, Florence Amy Officer. to Orpheus
Blaine Cade on the evening Of June % Rev. G. f..
Buffers officiating Guests were limited to near
relatives and few friends Miss Sadie Officer
sister of the bride. played the wedding march and
after the ceremony and congratulations. Mrs NJ.
wedding read a poem written for the occasion.
Both Of these young people graduated from the
Niruqua High school. the groom continuing with a
course at the state university. The bride has
taught near her home for the past four years.
They departed Immediately for Chicago. where
MIR. Cade is employed electrical engineer.
NJ II. n.