The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-28
THE PERKINS FAMILY.
Mrs. Perkins Can't Get Ahead of Phi
Iosophy.

and perturbed-
my dear. has something you ate for
dinner disagreed with your he kind
ly asked
mo; I've been thinking"
IF it's such struggle to think, why
Mr.. Perkins. do you hear that win
dow rafting in the winters gale?" she
demanded.
YES, 1 hear"
And the woodshed door is banging
because it has only one hinge"
You are correct"
'And there are two panes of glass
out in the cellar windows"
Correct again
And the roof of the kitchen leaks
every time it rains"
very likely. never knew kitch-
en- roof to leak when it didn't rain
Anything else?"
I'VE have no stove for the parlor
bedroom, and the place is like an Ice
box. I don't know what We'll do when
my sister Mary comes. When sit
here and think of all the things that
want doing and see how calmly you
take it, I could get up and broomstick
somebody. You promised away back
IN August that all these things should
be attended to right away, and here it
is past midwinter and nothing done.
Ir Perkins. you-yOu-
Be calm, my dear, be calm" he
said as she tried to find words to go
on Here is my memorandum book.
Let me turn back to the month of
August. Here it is. On the 18th of
that month, while you were swinging
In your hammock and was sitting on
the grass beside you. I made certain
promises. Here they are:
THE windows shall cease to rattle
The woodshed door shall have
another hinge.
The glass shall be put into the
broken cellar windows.
The roof of the kitchen shall be
made rain proof.
Il shall buy a stove for the parlor
bedroom.
There you are, Mrs. Perkins. This
memorandum corrobOrates your state
ments in every particular"
"Of course it does" she retorted.
But what have you done? Have you
seen to one single thing?"
My dear woman. appearances seem
to be against me, but let us take these
things in order and bring philosophy
to bear. First there is rafting win
dow. Why shouldn't a window rattle
in a gale? Half the enjoyment of be-
ing snug in your own house on wild
winters night is to hear the windows
rattle. You cannot appreciate 4 the
wildness of the night without more or
less rafting. You can not work up a
proper sympathy for mOtormen, sail
OrS and patrOlmen without it Lastly
let me say as the descendant of a car
penter that when a window won't rat
tie the sash won't move freely up and
down as II should"
You'd have an excuse if you died
for it," she said as he paused.
I'VE will now take up the case of !
the wOodshed door, my dear 1t
hangs by the lower hinge. It has hung
that way for months. have consult |
ed all the authorities available and |
can not find that there is any arbitrary |
rule to govern. A wood shed door |
may have two hinges or only one. The 1
one hinge may be put at the top or 4
he hot p Tr7cr
my way of thinking. would give the |
door a stilted look. 1t would be a mere |
formal affair. One hinge gives it |
picturesque appearance. It makes it |
differ from the general run of wood |
shed doors and stamps US as original |
charac ters Don't look for perfume |
tory wood shed doors, my love, If you |
want to find original characters living |
in the house,
That's you. Mr.. Perkins. I can't !
mention anything but what you are
ready with long rigmarole called |
philosophy. 1t isn't philosophy; it's
nonsense
We may debate that point later on.
but now we will take up article No. 8,
which is the want of glass in the cell
lar windows. There are two panes
broken That is just sufficient for
proper ventilation. The mistake that
most folks make is in keeping their
cellars too warm. This causes a |
growth of fungi, and If one single atom |
of that fungi gets into the drinking wa
ter or the mashed potatoes typhoid |
fever is the result. With those two
panes replaced look out for fever and
death. With them left as they are you
may live for twenty years TO cheer me-
7 don't believe a word about your
fungi nonsense snapped Mrs. Perkins
as she trotted her foot in disturbed
way
Then we come to article No. 4. The
kitchen roof leaks 1t leaks only in
There : mi inv | .
day out Of twelve on the average, and
even then the dampness hardly shows
through the plaster. Why rush things?
The leak has not injured anything yet
It is not what you would term a pro-
leak. To have it fixed I must
call a carpenter. He must hunt around
and find three or four shingles and a
few nails. He must get up the roof
and poke around and hammer and dis
turb us He will consume half a day
and then not warrant the roof against
further leakage For his services he
will make a charge of not less than g."
But If the ceiling is kept wet it is
bound to fall down.
Exactly, my dear, exactly BY ac- ]
cident you have struck the keynote |
We will wait until the plaster falls and
4 new ceiling and new shingles, ana !
the nuisance is all over at one and
the same time"
IF I had known the sort of man {
you were, Mr.. Perkins she started
IF with, and that gave him opportunt-
y to say:
You would not have consented to s
become my second wife. and 1 should {
nave missed a good thing
Did you ever forget to lug that
M"
1T should always be logged in. my
owe. I had been a widower for three I
Tears when you gave me your hand, {
md no doubt we are one of the happi-
st couples In town. However, we now I
AXE up article No. 5. When your sis Z
or Mary wrote Won last fall that she :