Arizona republican., 1907-01-13
Copyright. 1906. by H. H. Mcclure
 & CO)

 I've heerd more scandal talked thin iver thought was in the world"
 Hogan had betther keep quiet" said Mr. Hennessy. "If he goes circulatin' amy stories about me Tll-"
 'Ye needn't worry" said MT. DOOley We didn't condiscend to talk about annywan iv ye're infeeryor station. If ye want to be tn subjick iv our scan dIous discoorse ye'd betther got OUt an make a reputation. No, sir, our talk was entoirely about tn gr-reat an nlustrous. an il ran all tn way firm Julius Cayzar to Ulysses Grant.
 Dear oh dear. but they were tn bad lot. Thank tn lord nobody knows about me. Thank tn lord I had tn good sinse to retire firm poolyticks whin me reputation had spread as far as Halsted sthreet If I'd let it go a block farther Fave been sorry fr tn rest iv me life an some years afther me death
 'I wanted 10 be famous in thim days, whin I was young an foolish. Twas tn dhream iv me life to have people say as l wint by: There goes DOOley. tn gr-reatest statesman iv tn age, an have thim name babies, sthreets. schools canal boats, an five-cint sec gars afther me. an whin l died to have it put in tn books that at this critical peeryod in tn histhry iv America there was need iv man who combined strength iv chaIackter with love iy cOunthry. Such man was found In Martin DOoley, a prominent retail li- quor dealer in Ar-rchey road That's what I wanted, an I'm glad I didn { get me wish. If l had. 'tis little attin- ton to me charackter that tn books iv what Hogan calls biography wud pay, but a good deal to me debts. Though they mintioned tn fact that l resked death fr me adopted fatherland they'd make tn more inthrestin' story about tn time I almost met it be fallin down stairs while runnin' away firm q polisman F"r wan page they'd print about me love iv counthry, they'd print fifty about me love iv bOOse.
 "Th' things thim gr-reat men done wud give thim a place in Byrnes's book If Julius Cayzar was alive to- day he'd be doin a lock step down in Joliet. He was a corner lOafer in his youth an a robber in his old age. He busted into churches, fooled around with other mems wives. curled his hair with a poker. an smelled iv perfumery like Saturday night car. An his wife was a suspicyOus charackter an he turned her away. NapOlyon BonyparL impror iv tn Fr-rinch. was far too gay aven fr thim frivlOus people. an had fits His first wife was no better thin she shud be, an his second wife didn { fare fir him. Willum Shakespeare Is well known as an author iv plays that no wan can play. but he was betther known as a two-handed dhrinker, bad actor. an a thief. His wife was a common scold an led him tn life he desarved.
 They niver leave tn ladies out iv these stories iv tn gr-reat A woman that marries a janius has a fine chance iv her false hair bccOm.n' more i'm mortal thin his gr-reatest deed. It don't make amy difference if all she knew about her marital hero was that he was a consistent feeder. a sleepy husband. an an indulgent father to his childher an sometimes to himself, an that she had to darn his socks. Nearly all tn gr-reat men had something tn matther with their wives. l always thought Mrs. Wash'ntOn, who was th wife iv tn father iv our cOunthry, though childless hersilf. was about right. She looks good in tn pitchers, with a shawl around her neck an a frilled night cap on her head. But Ho- gan says she had a tongue sharper thin Georges soord. she insulted all his frinds. she was much older thin him. an she liked food that they cudden't keep amy longer in tn ice box. As fir George. he was a case. l wish tn counthry had got itself a diffrent ta- ther. A great moral rillijOus counthry like this desarves a betther parent.
 They were all alike. I think iv Bobby Burns as a man that wrote good songs. even if they were in a bar'brous accint but Hogan thinks iv him as havin' a load all tn time an bein' tn scandal iv tn parish. l raymimber Andhrew Jackson as tn man that lick ed tn British at NoO orleans be throw in cotton bales at thim but Hogan raymimbers him as a man that cud- dent spell an had a wife who smoked a corncog pipe. I raymimber Abraham Lincoln fr freein' tn slaves. Uut Ho- gan raymimbers how he used to cut loose yarns that made tn bartinder shake tn stove harder than it needed. I raymimber Grant fr what he done around Shiloh whin he was young. but Hogan raymimbers him fr what he done around New York whin he was old.
 An so it goes. Whin a lad with nawthin' else to do starts out to write a biography about a gr-reat man. he don't go to tn war department or tn public library. No. Sir. he begins to search tn bureau drawers. old pigeon holes. tn records iv tn polls cOOrt. an the recollectiOns iv tn hired gil. He likes letters betther than anything else. He don't care much fr tn kind front iv tn camp fire wearin' tn fan mel chest protector ye made me. an dhreamin' iv ye.' but if he can find wan beginnin'; Little Bright Eyes: Tn old woman has gone to tn cOunthry he's the happiest bi-ographer ye cud see in a months thravel.
 Hogan had wan iv thim books in here tn other day. Twas written be a frind. so you can see it wasn't pre- iudiced wan way or another. At this time says the book, an ivint happen ed that was destined to change tn whole coOrse iv our hcro's life. Wan day. while in tn sthreet car, where he r..- sr,