Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-07-18


among our young men went "West-
ward Hol" to seek and better their
fortunes. One fine day it was duly
announced to the circle of WISE
acres who held daily sessions on the
Wise corner, that the Welshander
boys were going West, which called
forth due comment {; one gentleman
pathetically hoped that the boys
would not be obliged to undergo too
exhaustive spell ofthe ague and fever,
to which all the new Corners were
there subject. A crusty uncle re.
marked that be would guarantee
them against that trouble, "for Jake
was too lazy to shake, and DaVs
would not shake unless paid for it, a
quip that has passed current in comic
almanac literature since that day.
But the young men did shake the
tree of fortune vigorously and gath
cred in plenty of its fruits. They
sailed into Porkopolis on rising
tide and managed to gather in much
of the Pactolian drift. Their success
was heralded at their old home as
remarkable, the report as usual trans
cending the reality. Then the village
wiseacres began to discover and rec
ognizes what smart and industrious
boys they had ever been. Success is
wonderful spur to the hindsights Of
memory.
Some years afterward Dave, who
had been quite prominent in church,
as live, praying and exhorting MEM
Der, returned on a visit to his sd-
miring relatives, and one day Aunt,
happening in on a friendly visit
to,the Weishanders, was prevailed
upon to sit down with them at their
MONDAY repast. Dave took the place
at the head OF the table, and to her
surpyise, he began carving and dis
pensing the ham without the least
hint about the usual grace before
meat or thanks to kind Providence
for its bounty. Aunt was Mortified
and dumbfounded, but her Christian
duty as monitor finally prevailed over
courtesy and awe of wealth, 80 she
nerved herself brsvely to march up
to the firing line and let fly her chal-
lenge with due severity.
"Why, Mr.. Welshander, have you
forgotten all your religion since you
have gone West and become wealthy ?"
Dave saw that he was in for it. He
hoisted on an oily, India-rubber smile
and in apologize tone he endeavored
to sooths her outraged religious feel
ings.
"Ohl dear no | Aunt Polly; l beg
your pardon, but in the West we are
such busy people that we are not
given the time to say prayer over
every bite of meat that we must throw
in, so we must arrange differently, as
all things there are done by whole
sale. Now, you must know (this train
being suggested by his carving the
ham) our making of bacon and pork
there is done by great fve.story pork
mills. The hogs by the thousand are
driven up long incline, into a great,
wide funnel at the top where they roll
in as ears Of corn in a mill-hopper.
They are ground up-you never see
them again until they come out from
different spouts down at the bottom
of the mill, where on one eide men lift
out hams and shoulders by the wagon.
load, at another place they reel of
sausage as on mill WHEEL don't
know how many miles an hour-at
other smaller shouts roll out bottles Of
picked pig-knuckles, tooth brushes
and every conceivable form that the
hog is made into. But we are not so
forgetful Of our religious duty as you
may think, yet we must do it by
wholesale, 90 we have our parson come
and say grace over the thousand pigs
In a bunch, Just before they tumble
| over the brink; this no doubt pleases
the pigs, making them content to full
| FL their lawful mission, and to be con.
yerted into good, wholesome pork and
sausage; anyway, they seem to die
happy, for you never hear a squeak OF
grunt thereafter. "
This was told with an air of assur'
ance and due regard for fact, YET
Aunty had some qualms of inrceduli.
ty. and remembering Dawes old rep
utation for unreliable. volubility she
asked with slow, emphatic severity;
"Mr Welshander, are you telling III
the TRUTH"
Then Dave rose up in mood o
surprised and injured innocence