New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1907-10-23
Auto Ride In Riverside.

the Salt Lake and were autoed over
about thousand miles of magnolia
and pepper and palm avenues which |
would be worth $40 foot to any town
east Of the range. Then we scooted to
the top Of Rubido mountain and were
given birdseye view Of more topo-
graphic loneliness than we could pay
for in a million years if we got 81
apiece for jokes Of any vintage. This |
road cost $4,000 and is of such grade /
that an auto will run from top to bot |
tom without using a drop Of gasoline |
or jumping the fence a single time.
None has ever tried to use gasoline,
but several have tried to jump the
fence. You can't trust an auto. Said
our chauffeur to me-he was prOmi- |
nent citizen-"An auto is just like a
woman-yOu never can tell what she
will do next" It didn't sound like a
joke to me. and didn't laugh After
a minute he said, But when you get
Then l laughed, and he said he meant
the auto. All the humorists don't be-
long to the A. P. H.
We were fed at the Glenwood tav-
ern, one of the show hotels of Califor-
mia, and strutted around the place
with our chests puffed out like naughty
millionaires out to buy health at 500 a
throw. Mr.. Miller, the boss, who is
also an artist and poet, was in Europe,
and I sighed to think how much liter
airy atmosphere he was losing. River
side has a population Of 10000 people
and several million varieties of trop-
ical plants. which flourish regardless
of expense
Saturday night we took a Salt Lake
special for Goldfeld and reached that
auriferous spot at midnight Sunday,
being met by committee with bar
rel of beer on a truck. Sunday being
a sacred day to humorists, we went to
bed to get ready for the Monday do
ings. Goldfeld dug up wheelbarrow
load Of raw material, converted it into
currency and blew itself. We got
right in the draft and stayed there, 1t
was grand-50 cents for an egg and
a dollar for bite off the hen!
Somebody else paid the bills, and we
simply wallowed in wealth. They
showed us the town and everything
clean down into the earth for $50 feet.
Millions of dollars in gold were in
sight down there, but it was fastened
to the ground, and we were unable to
move it. At night grand exhibition
Of smuggling was rendered to the Gamer
lean Humorists Of the World" at the
Htppodrome Opera House, with intel
lectual stunts by the visiting humor-
lists between scraps, and the scene beg
CARED description. Goldfeld has $4,000
population and is the greatest mining
camp in the world One saloon, with
gambling on the side-all sides-has
been capitalized at 100000 and pays
80 per cent month. The town is on
the desert and the only green spot in
sight is a small dooryard which costs
the owner $500 a month to keep it
green. House rent is whatever fam
lily will pay rather than sleep in the
sand. Girls get 81 a day folding pa
pers In printing office. Lady ste
nographers pull $50 a week, with
chances to speculate in mines, and two
Of them have accumulated $4,000
each. The dust is so thick that when
the wind raises it they have to blow
1t away with dynamite Bootblacks
charge 25 cents a shine and have 70
pay 10 cents shovelful to remove the
dust before applying the polish.
Everything in town is wide open ex-
rept the churches. It's bully place
to be when the luck is right, and
everybody seems to think that the luck
will come his way, if it hasn't already.
Go to Goldfeld. It's warm baby!
And you should see the town.
Reception In Salt Lake.
Tuesday morning at 9 we got away
for Salt Lake City-at least the rem
! nants of US did; for the party had
broken up somewhat-and we struck
that well known place at noon next
day. We were received by the Herald
and other newspaper men and moved
out to Great Salt lake to take the
freshness off our jokes. Salt Lake
City is handsomer than Los Angeles,
though very different and not half so
big and busy. At night we had din
ner at the beautiful Alta club and
once again felt that the humorist had
much to be thankful for.
Somewhere, some time, we held
meeting for business and elected
Frank T. Starlight of Los Angeles
president and Judd Mortimer Lewis of
! the Houston Post secretary. There
was no opposition is about all | re-
member. and also that the next an
nual meeting will be held at Houston,
time not yet determined. Houston is
in Texas. We will not have to carry
our guns with u.s. There Is a local
supply sufficient for all needs, Secre-
tary Lewis assures us.