Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1907-01-10
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her for her money! "She does."-
Cleveland Press.
Every man has his faults, but no
man has as many as his wife thinks he
has.-Chicago Record Herald.
Weren't you fired by the college
spirit when at Yale" "No. BY the
president t"-Cleveland Press.
"Will they hang the prisoner?" mot
yet. His lawyers managed to hang
the jury Baltimore American.
II would share your every sorrow"
"But | have no sorrows" Walt TIL
we're married. d."-Cleveland Leader.
You kiss like an expert" said the
pretty maid. How do you know l
do?" queried the mere man.-Chicago
News.
How much did he make out of that
latest graft scheme" "a clean MIL
lion" You mean a million.
land Plain Dealer.
Mrs. Hoyle-I hear that your son
had to leave college. Mrs. Doyle
Yes; he studied too hard, learning the
football signals.-Puck.
What do you think of this theory
Of living out of doors" 1T all de-
pends on whether you leave the house
voluntarily, or are put out.
Free Press.
Bobby, did you have good time
at the picnic!" Yes, mother" why
didn't you stay until it was over"
What was the use, mother? We were
through eating. ."-Milwaukee Sentinel.
Alas" sighed the poet. 1--WE can
no longer keep the wolf from the door"
"Oh, don't know" rejoined his wife,
You might sit on the front step and
read one Of your poems aloud. Chi
cago Daily News.
The ancients thought the world
was fiat" well, l don't blame 'em.
They had no chorus girls, no cigar
cites, no bridge, no society journals.
1t must have been in those days.
Philadelphia Bulletin.
Mr.. Nervous love the smell Of mo-
tor cars. Enthusiastically? What an
extraordinary taste. Why do you
like 1t? Mr.. Nervous-Because when
you smell it you know the dangers
past.-Topeka Journal.
Here's something about the Dutch |
stealing one of the Philippine Islands.
wonder what Uncle Sam will do
about it?" well, it would serve them
right If he refused to take it back. -
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
II suppose you motto Is, BE sure
you're right, and then go ahead"
Not in the financial game" answered
Mr.. Dustin Stax. my motto is, Be
sure you're ahead; then you're all
right. ."-Washington Star.
We'll, Tommy" said the visitor, II
suppose you like going to SCHOOL,
"Oh, yes answerer Tommy Il like
goin' all right, and like comm home,
but it's stayin' there between times
that makes me tired"-Chicago News.
No Nerve-Chuggerto your
new chauffeur? Carr-Had to fire him
be used to be a motorman. Chugger-
reckless, eh? Carr-Reck-
ess, nothing! Why, l couldn't break
llm of the habit Of slowing up at
crossings Puck.
Ascum-Is your boss going to give
-ou the raise you asked for? Clark
Nell-er-Im afraid to say. l told
lin | thought my pay should be COM
with the amount Of work l
10 and he promptly agreed with me-
Press. I
Footpad with revolver)-Hold up
er hands. Nictim-You can go
through me If you want to, but III
e dad-dinged If I'm going to hold up
~ hand any more. I'm tired of doing
:. You're the third since l left the y
Tribune.
"They say you allow your husband
} carry a latch key now" 80 l do.
tut the key doesn't fit the door.
lst let him carry it to humor him.
lie likes to show 1t to his friends, you
now, and make them think he's indie
Angeles Times.
"If We please, num-" said the ancient RI
ero, In an appealing voice, as he stood
t the back door Of the cottage on
ashday, I've lost my leg" We'll
amt got It," snapped the woman
arcely. And the door closed with u
lng.-Ladies' Home Journal.
An applicant for the post of mis-
ess in a country school was asked -
What is your position in regard to the
hipping of children?" She replied
,Iy usual position is on chair with
e child held firmly across my knees,
ce downward Rural World.
You'll find I'm hard to discourage"
id the persistent suitor melodramat.
ally. "Some day I'll make you ad- r
it you love me. and then-and not q
/ then-I will die happy" III say a
now" replied the heartless girl. II
Mt mind telling lie for a good end"
Ledger. ~
Hotel Clerk (suspiciously Your
ndle has come apart May | ask what