The Republican journal., 1907-01-24

accept that of the ''Patagonian Sons of
Name Club" or the "Esquimau Maine
Literary Society,"" when your letter
came, and, as there was a postage
stamp in yours and none in the others,
l have concluded to answer yours, SO l
take my pen; there, came near saying
81 take my pen in hand" forgetting
that since have become an orator and
after dinner speaker l have discarded
pens, and now have all the modern
luxuries and improvements, such as
stenographers, typewriters, creased
pants and rubber heel shoes, and now,
nine persons out of ten who meet me
take me for a gentleman. Well, what
] was about to say was, that it will be
impossible for me to be with you on the
End, as l must be at home on that day
and help my wife out on the washing.
And besides that l should not be able
to reach your city in time, even if |
started now, as it's long walk and l
am suffering with chilblains.
So you have Maine Club in your
city? Sons and Daughters of Maine!
Dear old Maine, and when say dear
old Maine, and emphasize the word
dear, l speak advisedly. She is dear,
especially in winter. She cost me fifty
dollars yesterday, and winter has hard
" begun yet. l was sitting at my
table at breakfast and was thinking
which of the various dishes had rather
not eat, when l saw a pair of the fam
lily eyes fixed on the ceiling above my
head, and the look expressed in those
eyes-express paid could not have
been less than four dollars-and glanc--
ing up saw the plastering all covered
with cold sweat, and little rivulets
running down the walls, playing tag on
the paper, and hastily swallowing the
breast of canvasback l was eating, |
flew to the barn, where l keep my lad
der,-the ''hew" of course is figure OF
speech, for while | may be a little
''fy," | am not flew,-and proceeded to
place it on the roof of my house. We
hear great deal lately of the uplift of
the soul, but it is nothing to the uplift
of twenty-five foot ladder when there
is two feet of soft snow on the ground.
Well, | got the ladder in position, and
with shovel and hoe and Ratchet [
mounted it and found Two feet of hard
caked snow on the roof, and the gut
tiers piled high with ice, which damned
the water into little ponds. and in my
anger | think | damned it, too, and
then began the struggle. | shoveled
and dug and hoed down the snow, kind
ly assisted by a strong north wind which
blew most of it in my face. down my
neck and up my sleeves, when suddenly
two thousand tons Of snow without
even giving me a hint that it was going
to leave my premises started down the
roof and caught me unaWareS, and also
in the neck. Now | do not wish to
brag, but l am something of a sprinter
myself, and not to be outdone by the
snow | started down the ladder and did
not stop to bother with the rungs
either, and it is question who got
there first. AS the 'neighbors had to
dig me out from under the snow the
referee gave me the decision and first
money.
Now you see how | am fixed. The
almanac says, about this time look
out for snow" and if it comes | must
be here to receive it with shovel in my
hand and smile on my face. | sincere
ly hope your meeting will not be a fiz-
Zle because | cannot be with you. |
assure you | would be there if | could
and hear you sing the praises of Maine,
dear old Maine.
Dear old Maine, she mothers us all,
She is nice in summer and spring and fall,
But when winter comes let me be specta
tor
Under palm tree at the equator.
Wishing you and the club happy
New Year, am, very truly
l cannot close my remarks without
saying that l consider this invitation
to address your club tonight coming as
it does from my personal friends right
here in my own city and home, where
you all know my down-sittings and my
uprisings, my failures and my virtues,
If | have any, to be the greatest compli
ment | ever had paid me. AS you know,
this is not my first offense in this line,
but | can truly say there is no place
thank you one and all for your kind
ness, which l assure you is sincere-I
mean my thanks, not your kindness
and now, good night.