Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-07-13
BY JAMES r. PARSoN.

ly expressed wish from red-shirted
laborer that / should lie down and
sleep on it then and there, in order
to show the spectators how the old
snap worked.
The dealer proceeded to do it up.
He made a very small parcel con-
sidering it was a bed.
"Put it in yer pocket" advised
dirty-faced laborer, with a shovel, and
1 and my bad walked off amid gen.
eral smile, audibly expressed.
Where yer goin'?" asked the con-
ductcr Come now, young Teller, get
off with that ERE piano-box. Dyer
think this is a baggage train? Yer
can't ride in this car
In vain 1 pleaded.
He wouldn't have it.
Disguised, / waited for the next,
and endeavored to make the bed look
as small as possible.
The car stopped, so | got in.
Of course it started before was
seated, so over l fell, knocked off
woman's bonnet, doubling up fat
man, and almost annihilating small
boy with my bed.
As for the bed, there was sound of
rumbling in its complicated machin-
cry, and with a snap it fle~-open, dis
closing chair.
How in the world was l going to
get it into bed again?
Some of the passengers laughed.
while the fat man grew sarcastic.
'H'm!" growled he; wonder what
people will carry in cars next! sup
pose / can expect to get into one
some day and find piano or NOW
ing machine. Some people haven't
any sense"
At last, though, | reached my house
and got in, only breaking the gate
with my bed as l did so.
Ny wife opened the door.
Where in the name of goodness did
you buy that horse block, and what
are you going to do with it," she
asked.
l Indignantly replied that it was
not a horse block.
1t was a chair.
Also it could be made into bed,
or sofa, at will.
After patient study and research |
found the directions for working the
bed concealed in a most undiscovera-
BILE spot, and turned the chair into
bed. Then | turned the bed into a
sofa, and the sofa back again into
Chair.
My wife was delighted.
1 began to believe l had made a
domestic hit, and expatiated upon my
great head in discovering and purchas-
ing such a marvel of mechanism and
general utility.
Aunt Hespah had arrived, and she
joined us in examining the bed.
Lord a mercy! what next, l won
Edward"
Edward did.
Aunt Hespah AUST lie down and
try it.
Just here came the catastrophe
How it occurred don't know, but the
fiendish bed got Independent and
started to work itself into chair
without OfQerS.
But Aunt Hespah was in the way.
The result was she was caught like
mouse, McGilder's beautiful inven-
ton clasping her as affectionately as
young fellow would his sweetheart.
Aunt Hespah gave yell loud
enough to stop clock, and began
Keeling about the room, with McGild-
er's patent charging on her.
Take it off, Take it Off" bawled
she: "its a-squeezin' me to death.
Lord a mercy, I'll die if somebody
don't take away this drafted ma
chinei"
sprang to her rescue.
But l could not get the bed of un-
aided.
The result was we had to lay Aunt
Hespah upon the floor, and cut the
bed off with an AK. And by the time
| it was accomplished she was about
| half-dead
My wife, however, will not speak to
me.
She persisted in believing that de-
| liberately invented the bed myself for
the sole purpose of killing Aunt Hes
| pah, and that my tale of the purchase
was a barefaced fiction. l tell you
what-men never know how much
fun they can have till they get mar
] risd.