The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1907-04-08
GULLED IN EPIGRAM.

Fra Elbertus. otherwise known as
Ebert M. Hubbard. took a hard fall
out of the three learned professions
the church, the law and medicine at
the Studebaker theatre. No matter
what may be the general opinion of
the philosophy bass roycrofter of
East Aurora, he certainly is enter
tanning and on the whole harmless.
He would not upset present conditions
through violence nor destroy values
without a measure. He claims no SUI
perior virtues and Is not out to
reform the world. His effort in the
latter direction is merely to make a
portion of it happier according to his
light. He is not a socialist, a chess
bar scientist nor an agnostic, but last
nights lecture would mark him as a
funny" combination of all three even
If that fact had not been established
in his previous things
AS usual Fra Elbertus spoke in cpl
grams which he put over the plate
with a lingual gatling
More for their power to amuse than
as endorsement of the doctrines, they
voice we reproduce few of them:
The more brain and intellect man
has the more he disregards his body.
A doctor does not know how to take
care of his body. Instead of radiat-
ing health and good cheer it is iodo-
form and formaldehyde."
This great state, Illinois, has law
compelling all children to undergo
surgical operation no matter how well
they are. That law will remain in force
until you fight 1t out. Still as long as
$14.00O.O00 is spent every year for vac
cination, there are persons who will
think there is merit in IT.
"A superintendent of one of the Kim
berly mines wrote me that he had vac
cinated more than 5000 persons out of
one can Of condensed milk and that
they had not had a case of smallpox
in the mines for three years"
MY father has practiced medicine
for sixty-three years-but not on me-
Otherwise I might not be with you to-
night Doctors long since quit prac-
ticing on their own families. The ten
black bottles and the quart of horse
medicine Is for others"
yet doctors are progressing. AS
long as we demanded horse medicine,
we got It. Now they are like preach
ers. few in each community are be-
coming honest The one who gives
the least medicine and charges the
biggest fee IS the best
IF you have headache or your
stomach is unsettled, what does a good
doctor do? Does he give you medicine
No If he's honest he says: Cut it
out, my boy You know what that
means"
Then there is the lawyer. Half Of
the business of a good lawyer is to
show how to evade the law. The other
half is to keep out Of court"
Laws are not changing. but only the
construction of them. There should be
a law against tipping. The whole sys-
tenn breeds beggars."
Then there are the preachers. They
all have bronchitis from telling what is
not so. They make their appeal to the
undeveloped mind through the emo
ton OF fear"
But what we want is not gold pave
ments IN the skies. but something here
on earth wouldn't you rather be an
is now then has wuzzer' or a not
yet but soon?"
And Fra Elbertus is getting the
money" not only through the shop OF
the roycrofters at East Aurora but or
the road.
THE "wets" and the "drys" have en-
gagged in a deadly conflict over the
control Of large block of the terri