Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1907-02-07
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How many children have you?"
1.-TWO living and one writing jokes for
q daily paper. Cleveland Leader.
"Is Maude taking a day off to cele-
brate her birthday" No: she's tax
Ing a year off. Boston Transcript.
You surely don't meet them social
"" "Oh, no; only to have a good
time, you ow."-Los Angeles News.
Redd-I see they have a new dance,
called the automobile dance. Greene
Is it a Observation-Disclosures States
man.
That handsome Jack Savage kissed
NE last night" Il thought he would.
Ec told me he felt awfully sorry for
you. Cleveland Plain Dealer
what are you taking for your cold?"
Nothing" ''Nothing?" But my dear
fellow Nothing. 1 say, not even
advice. Fine day, isn't ?''-Cleveland
Leader.
Upson-Do you get that rundown
feeling every spring? Downs-Every
spring! Why, I've been hit by an auto
once a week for the last two months
Detroit Free Press.
Neighbor-Herr Huber. come home
Immediately. Your wife has suffocat-
ed herself with gas Huber-Heavens
There'll be nice gas bill to pay
Wiener SalonwitZblatt.
Did you say your new doctors name
was Steed?" Yes; Doctor Steed."
My! I'd be afraid to engage him;
sounds as if he were a great charger"
Philadelphia Ledger.
Mr.. Jawback (savagely)-I wish you
were somewhere I'd never be able to
see you again. Mrs. Jawback (sweet-
ly)-Wel, at any rate, it's nice of you
to wish me in heaven.-Cleveland Lead
er.
She-Did you ever see the Homer
twins? He-Yes. She-Don't you think
the boy is the picture of his father?
He-1es-and | also think the girl is
the photograph of her mother-Chi-
cago News.
Nervous Porter Tin a single breath,
to hotel doorkeeper)-I s'pose yer don't
'appen ter know nobody wot amt stop
pin ere wot amt sent for no one not
to move no luggage nor nothink. do
yer?-Sketch.
First Millionaire lines these
days. Second Millionaire-Yes; our
relatives are waiting for us to die to
get our money, and the rest of the
world doesn't want to wait that long
New York Sun.
Jack-Some of the greatest bachelors
of the age tell US that marriage is
fat failure. Eva (evasively)-Well-
er-all married couples don't have to
live in flats. Some can live in cot
ages.-Illustrated Bits
Hubby-My pet, you will pardon me,
but aren't these griddle cakes a little
burnt? Wifey (almost in tears)-O,
Tom! And l tried to make them so
pretty for you with that pyrograph set
you gave me.-Boston Transcript.
Legal Repartee.-Lawyer- say,
doctor, why are you always running
us lawyers down? Doctor (aryly)-
We'll, your profession doesn't make an
gels of men, does it? Lawyer-Why,
no; you certainly have the advantage
o. us there, doctor.
The Just Judge-"Judge," said Mrs.
Starven to the magistrate who had re-
Gently come to board with her, I'm
particularly anxious to have you try
this chicken soup" Il have tried it,"
replied the magistrate. land my dacss-
ion is that the chicken has proved an
albi."
What, fishing on the Sabt,,n" ex-
claimed the clergyman, reprovingly.
Don't you know that little boys who
fish on the Sabbath go TO the bad
piace?" Huh, 1 guess OATS right"
replied the bad boy, disgustedly. Il
couldn't a struck no worse place dan
dis "-Philadelphia Press.
There is no sport in cumbersome
machine" he bantered. Give me the
blooded horse. Why, with a horse
can take the fence every time" The
motorist laughed. Take the fence, Ell?
Why, that is nothing. With an automo-
bile you can take the fence, the gate.
the tree, the pump, and the barn all in
two or three seconds. "-Chicago Daily
News.