The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-09-22

M/ ley, SGD Ihis hol0 he"
 W steamboat has broke all records It come acrost tn Atlantic Ocean in four days. Passengers that got aboard at Liverpool on Saturday were in New York Friday afthernoon."
 But that's more thin four days" said MT. Hennesy.
 Not be nautical time," said MT. Doo- ley. "Ye mustn't figure 1t out th' way ye do on land. On land ye niver read that Tn Thunderbolt limited has broken all records be thrayelin' firm New York (Harrisburg) to Chicago (Fort Wayne) in eight hours But with a steamboat 'tis different. Ye saw a lot iv time off ayether end an what's left is tn wage. Tn Conyard lines gr-reat ocean greyhound or levithin iv tn seas has broken all rec ords iv transatlantic passages except thim made be tn Germans. She has thraveled firm Liverpool Ca rock so far off tn coast iv Ireland that I niver see it) to New York (Sandy Hook llghtship) in four or five days. Brit tanya again rules tn waves So If ye'ye amy frinds inclined to boast about makin a record ask thim did they swim aboord at Daunt's Rock an swim of at tn lightship. If they didn't, rayfuse to take off ye'er hat to thim. To tell how long 1t takes to cross tn Atlantic, compute tn elapsed time fir m boordin' house to boordin house. It's firm week to tin days, depindin' on tn time ye go to bed whin ye come home. Nanny man that come oyer on five-day boat has had tn divvle iv time explainin' to his wife what he did with tn other two days. No record in Transatlantic thravel takes into account tn longest, toughest an most dangerous part iv tn passage, which is through tn New York custom house.
 But 'tis wonderful, anyhow Iris wonderful that a man shud cross tn Atlantic ocean, annyhow, an 'tls enough to make ye dizzy to think iv him crossin' 1t in an iron boat that looks like B row iv office buildings. The grand times they must've had. All tn time they were on tn bounding pillows tn wireless tillygraft kept thin in touch with home. Tn day was whin a man got on boat an was lost fr week or ten days Now, be hfvens, through tn wondhers iv mod hern science he's hardly settled down to cigar an game iv pinochle with another fugitive that he's lust met. whin messenger boy comes down tn deck on his bicycle an hands him a tfl1ygram with glad tidings firm home. Tn house is burned, tn sheriff has levied on his furniture or tn family are down with tn whoopin' cough. On tn other hand, we know all about what they're doin' on boord tn levi thin. Just as ye're wife is thinkin' If ye bein' wrecked on a desert island or floatin' on a raft an signallin' with a red flannel undhershirt she picks up tn pa-aper an reads: Tn life iv tn ship Is Malachi TIinnissy a wealthy bachelor firm Pittsburg. His attin- tions to pretty widow firm Omaha are most marked. They make a hand some couple
 Well, sir, they must've had tn gloryus time on boord this new boat. In tn old days all ye knew about a ship was that she left Liverpool an landed In New York afther a most dis thressin' wage. Now, be hivens, ye r-read iv tn gay life aboord her firm day to day: Tn tic in th' billyard tournymint was played off last night. Tn restaurants are crowded nightly an great throngs are seen on Main sthreet undher tn brilliant illumlna- tions. Tn public gardens are in full bloom an are much frequented be childher rollin' hoops an sailin boats in tn artificial lake. Tn autymobill speedway gives great satisfaction. Tn opening day iv tn steeplechase races was success. Tn ilivator in tn left annex fell thirteen stories Thursday, but no wan was injured. Tn brokerage house iv Conem an Comply wint into tn hands iv re- cefver today. Tn failure was due to tn banks to lend amy more money on hat pools. Tn steeple iv tn Sweden bor5an church is undher repair. Tn Daily Fog Horn has put in three new color presses an will begin printin' oolored supplemint Sunday next An DO 1t goes. It ain't a boat at all. It's . city.
 At taste thought it WAS, but Han- nigan that come over in 1t says it's boat 'Ye must've had a grand time,' says I, in this floatin' palace, atm ye'er fill iv sumchuse food an gazin' at tn beautifully fooled ladies' says I. 'Ah,' says I. tn wondhers iv science that cud put together conthrivance tn like iv that says l. It's boat says he. That's tn best can say about it. says he. Did ye not glide noise lessly through tn wather?' says l. I did not says he. Divvle tn glide. We bumped along pretty fast, an tn injines made noise like injines an tn ship creaked like amy ship An wasn't tn food finer Tt depinded on