The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1907-05-01

Aiioo Oiu5il- 1SS, an Single ell
tirely from choice. Miss Pert-Whose
choice ce?-Philadelphia Record.
Hubby-Wife, what makes the baby
scream SO furiously? Wife, think
the little dear is suffering from brain
storm, dear.-Milwaukee Sentinel.
Borrowell-It doesn't pay to strike a
man when he is down. Harduppe-
No; the chances are he hasn't any,
thing, anyhow.-Philadelphia Record.
Bacon-Does he recognize the eight
hour law in his business? Egbert-Oh,
my, no! He couldn't He's a profess
sional chess player!-Yonkers States
man.
Fatigued Philip-Did dat lady t'row
boilih' water on youse? Wandering
Walter-Worse'n dat, Phil; worsen
dat. 1t wuz soapsuds.
Leader.
First Tourist-These customs offic-
1als seem to take positive delight in
their work. Second Tourist-Yes,
they combine duty and pleasure
Philadelphia Record.
When do you expect to get that
question settled?' 81 don't know that
l want it settled" answered Senator
Sorghum. my very best speeches are
made on that question. Washington
Star.
"Old Man Pilkinson candidly admits
that his wife made him what he is"
Yes; but have noticed that he is al
ways careful to assure himself before
admitting it that she isn't present to
put in denial. Judge.
Fortune Teller-Beware of a short,
dark woman with fierce eye. She is
waiting to give you a check. Visitor
(despairingly)-No, she amt. She's
waiting to get one from me. That's
my wife.-Baltimore American.
81 thought Spawnyer had a good
job" "He had, but he lost it. He
never holds position long" 81 suppose
that's because he's given to drink"
mo, it's because drink is given to him.
He never buys. philadelphia Press.
Haven't you sometimes sacrificed
your conscience in conducting your
Trust operations?" "Oh, yes," an
swered the Millionaire, "but man who
succeeds in the world must expect to
make some sacrifices. Washington
Star.
Where" asked the tenderfoot,
was the last man killed here?" HE
amt been killed yet" replied Arizona
AL. There's goin' to be at least one
more killed as soon as him and me
comes face to face. Chicago Record
Herald.
Senator Oldschool-Who is that
young man at Senator Steeles desk?
Senator Grabbit-Oh, that's Steele's
secretary. Steele has two or three
franchise grabs that he's trying to
get through at home, and hadn't time
to come here in person.-Puck.
The Office Boy-Den youse fires me
widout givin' me chance ter resign?
Employer do. Get out! The Office
Boy-All right. But I'll leave me ad-
dress, where youse kin send yer apol-
ogy in case dis affair turns out to be a
Tillman joke er Swettenham jest
Judge.
Aren't you nearly ready to start?"
asked the amateur gunner. "Yes," re-
piled the guide, an be ready just as
soon as / can borrow dog. "Why,
where's your own dogs? What has
happened to them?" Nothing, and
mean to see that nothing shall.-Phila-
delphia Press.
Have you made an effort to impress
the correctness of your opinions on
the minds of your constituents" "It
is not necessary" answered Senator
Sorghum. Il never utter any opinions
until l am sure the majority of my
constituents have already endorsed
| them.- Star
81 hear that you called me a land
shark said the real estate dealer, hot
| ly. "Yes," said the customer, "and
desire to apologize for it. The lots
you sold me are under water at high
tide. You're really marine shark"
However, even this concession did not
seem to restore the entente cordiale.-
| Philadelphia Public Ledger.