Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-10-19

First Turue--Grandma is nearly 400
years old and has lost all her teeth
Second Turtle-Well, then. she has a
soft snap.-L,ife.
Church Did you ever try any OF
these CLOSE to nature" methods? Goth
Wen, I've used porous plasterl
-Yonkers Statesman.
Madge-Is that writer really fa-
nous? Marjorle-He must be, my dear
l wrote to him for his autograph, and
he never sent it.--Puck.
Short-There goes one of my pre-
ferred creditors. Longevity prefer
red? Short-He never asks me for
money.-Chicago Daily News.
She--Your last book was a success,
wasn't It? He-Yes. She-The re
views were so unfavorable / was al
most tempted To read it,-Life,
Justin. here's bin collector" call.
ed Mrs, Wyss. "All right" replied
MIR. wyss from the library. "Give him
all he can carry away" Leslle's
Weekly.
First Deaf Mute--If you objected to
his kissing You, why didn't you call for
help2 Second Deaf Mute couldn't.
He was holding both my hands-~Har-
per's Weekly
Hieks-Did you ever succeed in per-
suading your wife when she gets an
cry to count ten before she speaks?
Wicks-Yes, but she is very rapid
counter. Somervile Journal
Il notice that you writer's use a
great deal of tobacco. Does 1t stImu-
late your brains?" II don't know.
But 1t makes you forget that you're
hungry" cleveland Leader
Blanche The most difficult thing Is
| 10 make up ones mind what to take
| and what to leave behind. Henriette
oh, | don't think so. I take NIL my
! frocks and leave my husband.--Rire.
Fifth grade next year, johnny"
~ es, sir" And youll be In fractions
or declmals then no doubt2' mo, sir;
I'll be in beadwork and perforated
squares, Washington Cd. CD Her
! aid.
Poor mani" exclaimed the benevo-
lent old lady. And you say you have
no frlendsT mo, madam" replied
the weary wayfarer; Il used to be a
baseball umpire, Philadelphia Rec
ord.
Wigwag is your wife mad
about now? Henpecke-Her absent
mindedness. She was going to scold
me about something and she can't re-
member what IL was. --Phlladelphla
Record.
TELL me- said Miss wltherupp,
Mr. Newman remarked to you that I
didn't show my age, didn't hep mot
exactly; he said you were careful to
conceal IT," replied Miss Frank--Phll-
adelphia Press.
There are only seven miles OF rail-
sin" ''Too badl' commented the Hon.
Thomas Rott at must be mighty hard
for politician to make living IN
Persia Puck.
Barber Thank you sir | don't oft
en- get my tip before l begin, I'm sure
appreciate Customer (who likes
his hair cut m silence ~ don't want
you TO consider that n tip. Its "husn'.
money. Punch
Mrs Dashaway Yes. while we were
IN Egypt we visited the Pyramids. They
were literally covered with hieroglyph-
les. Mrs Newrich--Ugh Wasn't you
afraid some of 'em would git on You?
Philadelphia Record.
Il suppose" remarked the dear girl,
that you do not believe in love at first
slght?" "oh, yes, | do" rejoined the
old bachelor. IF men were gifted with
second sight they would never fall in
love - Home Magazine.
They were IN the parlor of sum
iner resort hotel She-John, why do
you always occupy the piano stool when
you are in the parlor? You can't play
nore He No one else can, either,
while / sit here.--H arper's Weekly.
"Bilklns tells me he is getting aw-
| fully tired of living alone" Il would
think he'd marry and settle down" II
was talking with him about It the other
day, and he says I've doesn't know
whether to get married or buy pho
nograph. - Milwaukee Sentinel.
Young man" said the merchant, II
hear you've been kicking because you've
got 80 much to do" well, yes, sir"
replied the clerk, II do think that"
HIM. wen have to give you so much
more to do hereafter that you won't
have time to kick" Philadelphia
| Press.
| A widow advertised for man to do
odd Jobs, and when she arrived home
/ one evening she found a young man
/ waiting to see her. Well" said the
/ lady, II want man 10 do odd jobs
about the house and garden, to run err.
rands, to wash my dog, and see to the
cats; one that never answers back. and