Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1907-09-03


The Teller thets allus tellin' what q
wonderful woman his wife is gener-
ally haz t smoke In TIL kitehen.-Abe
Martin.
City Man-Has your wife a good
cook now? Suburbanite- don't know;
! have not been home since morning.
Pioneer Press.
Yes. I'm going abroad at once. I
gotta CO. "Oh. you mustn't let the
doctors scare YOU" Il got this from
a lawyer" Washington Herald
Sillicus-When would You say that
man reaches the age of discretion?
Cynicus-When he realizes that he is
too old to marry.-P Philadelphia Rec
ord.
Maude-W When you refused him my
hand, papa, did he get down on his
knees? Pater-Well, | didn't notice
Just where he fell.--New York Even
Ing Mail
She-He has most extraordinary
figure. hasn't he? He-ThatS so.
believe an umbrella is about the only
thing he can buy ready made.-Ally
Sloper's Half-Holiday.
"Tompkins is having an awful time
with his new auto" "In what way?~
Every time he repairs 1t be has a lot
of parts left over that he can't find a
place for. Milwaukee Sentinel
Magistrate What Do yol mean to
say your husband struck you. and he
that physical wreck? Mrs. Maloney---
Yes, yer honor; but he's only been
physical wreck since he struck me-
Independent.
First Tourlst-What are you writ
ing down? Second Tourist-I'm max
ing note of few things that have
made an indelible impression upon my
memory, so l shan't forget them-Chi-
cago Journal
Il can't spare the money very we'll,
but I'll gladly loan it to you If you
promise not to keep it too long" II
solemnly swear that I'll spend every
penny of 1t before tomorrow morn
ing -hllegenue batter.
II guess they've caught that wife
murderer" Anything in the papers
about ito" "No: but saw several
women with big punches of flowers
hurrying toward the jail little while
ago. Chicago Reeord-H Herald.
Husband wish l had some of
those good, old-fashioned biscuits like
mother used to make for me, Wife
And l wish l had some of those nice
old-fashioned clothes like father used
to buy for me.-Chicago News.
Hicks-Your friend Marryat tells
me he's got his wife pretty thorough
ly trained now. Wicks-Yes, he's got
her trained so that he can make her
do pretty nearly anything she wants to
do.-Catholic Standard and Times
Young Husband-When my wife be-
gan to do her own cooking we were
having company every day: tiresome
relatives, colleagues, so-called friends
Gradually they all dropped eff, and
then we engaged good cook.-Flie-
gende Batter.
Bronson-Nfy wifeNwrites to me ev-
cry few days from the mountains for
more money. Woodson-Well, gave
my wife all the money l had before
she went away, and now have to
write to- her when l want some
Harpeis Weekly.
'Why, Mary" said her mistress, *
told you to tidy up my room an hour
ago, and here it is in terrible disor-
der" Eyes, mum, and did," said
Mary, "but the master came in to put
on a clean collar, mum, and he lost
the stud."-London Taller.
"If you do not take care or your
money" said the ant to the srasshop-
per, ''the world will simply sheer and
ask you what you did with it." Yes,
and If invest 1t and become rich the
world will sneer and ask me where
got it."-Washington Star.
Mr.. Justcott-Why, what are you
crying about, dear? Mrs. Justcott-
Oh, George! The mice have got into
the pantry and eaten up beautiful
custard pie I made myself Mr.. Just
cott-There, there. Don't cry over
few little mIce.-Cleveland Leader.
Hes great growler, isn't be?"
Hurricane is nothin' to him" Finds
fault with everything" Worst you
ever saw" by the by-what is he
doing nowT Editing the Band OF
Hope and Sunshine department of
new magazine ATLANTA Constitu-
ton.
They were celebrating their engage
ment by dining at swell cafe. do
you believe" She queried, that man Is
really made of dust?' WELL" he re-
Joined, CHANGING at the dinner checlr.
"he wouldn't be able to travel far In
your company If he wasn't. Chicago
News.
"Well, what have you found out?"
The private detective hesltated. do
you want to know the worst?" he ask
ed. warningly Go ahead" MY bill
will be considerable, you know" "Nev-
err mind that. What did you discov-
err mot a blamed thing."-Phlla-
delphia Ledger.
Setting Her Right.
II was n fine day and thp u,hniA