The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-01-06

JOY at escape from being an ahecl. That miserable. mean, distressing Asthma jumped on me two weeks be- fore Christmas and spoiled alf my anti cipations of the festival. had se- cured the turkeys all right and the ct ceteras, and was indulging prema- turely in the state of mouth watering when that miserable "assmy" came like thief in the night and pulled pail over my hopes.
 There Is one thing to be said in favor of Asthma-it offers so many continual chances of putting one in the angelic state. Now, the angelic state is high ly praised in song and story, and IS said to be very desirable state or con dition for any one who has no more sense than to like 1t. Indeed, I am inclined to think I'll like it--when can do no better, but with the risk of adverse criticism, I am candid enough to say that want to put 1t off to the last. If in this I differ from others, hope I'll be pardoned on the plea of eccentricity.
 I don't want to be made an angel through the instrumentality of the Asthma--or any other distressing dis ease or violence or accident or heart failure. A fellow of whom everybody said that he would be hung was mak- ing a sea voyage, when a storm came up. He was a little more calm than the other passengers and somewhat reliant on the many prophecies con corning himself Gas there were many good reasons for the predictions), steadied his nerves with this invoca- ton, Now, halter, claim your man.!
 It is little strange that we draw back from the very highest beatifica- tion-that IS, we prefer to bear the ills we have rather than be an angel. My old. friend, Blackman, got happy in the meeting, at midday service; took spell of shouting, declared his inten- tion of immediate departure for heav- en and was only restrained by a call to dinner on the ground" He con cluded to refresh himself before taking the Journey, with a 'curp of coffee, and loaded himself with SO many sub stantials that, like Twain's Jumping frog, which had been surreptitiously fed with buckshot. he couldn't lift him self from the ground. Afterwards the good man fell into evil ways so that even the devil didn't want him. This lesson teaches us that when man se- riously wants to go to heaven no such obstacle as dinner on the ground" should be thrown in his way.
 But I don't want to moralize. which is very easy but improbable, and leads us into hypocrisy. Hypocrisy ought to be very popular, but we can't afford to practice 1t only-most of the time. No man but good one can be hypocrite Pm a hypocrite. Now, I'm opposed to swearing, gambling, stealing, whis- key drinking, long prayers. etc, etc., and yet on election day I honor men with my vote, who are guilty Of all these things. If anybody has remark ed this variance of theory and practice in me, he can charge it to my eccen- tricity of hypocrisy. Of course. only the sensitively truthful, honest upright man can discover the correctness and righteousness of my course. Well, if l have the approval of the good, the just the truthful, the upright, I ought to be satisfied.
 This brings me to the reflection that the Anti-Salooners are very worthy and excellent gentlemen eff not mistaken in themselves) who seem to desire to en- ter upon a legislative crusade for the purpose of encouraging the breed ot "Blind Tigers" I don't think any anti schooner shuld be tolerated asa lobby ist who voted, in the last election, for any drinking men (unless 1t be some conscientious divine who breaches one way ana NOlGS llC OIhOA(' A4h OSs ter not go into that, because l do not want to seem to appear to curry favor with the whiskey men by any covert intimation that a clergyman must not be judged by his conduct on one day out of the three hundred and sixty-dv If in one day of the year, he finds his righteous teaching has all been wrong he should not be harshly judged if his vote bellies his preaching. It Is the evidence of pulpit reform. One req son why the clergy has lost all infiu- ence for evil is-they only have cleo tion day on which to publicly, boldly confess (by vote) that they teach wrong on all other days. They ought to have more opportunities of confes- sion. But. to get back to blind tig- ers"-I want to suggest if the Anti Salooners can introduce a breed sort
 CT" crossed with piety. 1t will become popular. It Is very noticeable that re- ligious opposition to liquor vanishe' when the good people get divide oi the profits, which makes me believe that the Anti-Salooners have not beer given a "souare dear' by the whiskeS men.
 no sooner mention a square deaP
 than the President comes into my mino He's having a hard time, dischargint nigger soldiers, correcting our mart
 spelling, trying to teach Congress som
 sense, and writing letters to our bless
 ed other sex I think he'll come ou
 all right except in the sense teachint
 business I'm with the President in al reasonable undertakings, but there's n'
 use in biting off more than he cal chaw," and I'll not hold out to him an!
 hope of success in the matter of in structlng Congressman.
 I feel satisfied that Solomon was fine old fellow, more pronounced! polygamous than even Bro. Shoot, an'
 had big times at this house every nov
 and then, but for all that, he was full of proverbs as Sancho Panza. On of his proverbs holds out the idea o
 wisdom in a multitude of counselors
 That was hardly intended to apply t'
 our law making bodies, especially ou
 National House of Lords. One gooc
 sensible man, like Roosevelt. Is wort
 whole cowpens full of such poke-easy
 old wind Hammers. Why. the old wo men of our country neighborhood coul' have gossiped for thirty years abou the Isthmian Canal with the same ma terial results as followed the thirt
 years wind of our wise and learne canators The ssrviRdonn in many coun