davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-11-07
Chinese Embroideries.

Chinese and other oriental embroid
cries, done in several shades Of one
color or a mixture of colors on silk
bands, are to be more or less used on
many of the handsome reception and
calling costumes in the late autumn
These are especially effective with
sheer black woods, also tho silk
crepes. These bands have been in
use for some time, and have, indeed
been the most appropriate trimming
in connection with the Mandarin
sleeves.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-11-07
Where Alcohol is Fatal.

above all things, complete absti.
nence from alcoholic drinks" is the
motto of the famous Alpine guide
Zurbruggen. The monks of st. Ber-
nard say that they nearly always find
an empty bottle near the bodies of
those who perish in the snow.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-11-07
'Um-pa-pa-p pa
Hump pa-pa-pa
Um-pa um-pa.


and bein' surrounded by a t'ousand
dangerous animals, all the more pleas
ant on account of their bein' Gagged"
explained Spike to the judge as they
sat down on a chest of snakes to
smoke a cigar.
Il like it first rate" assented the
gentleman who had started for Og-
densburg, N. Y. And l never met a
nicer class of people"
YES, amt it," cried Peters. IF
you'd a-come a spell back when l was
in the ring myself l could a-given you
then for my act and had lots of time.
All I'm good for now is to sell tick
ets," he sighed. "Still-that's post
of responsiveness. Huntsinger him.
self says to me: Perry Il was billed
as Pericles, the Peerless), Perry
says Huntsinger. there hain't man
with this organization that can trust
as 1 do you And that was good
deal for the old man to say, tool"
Won make an ideal gentlemanly-
ticket-seller." smiled the Judge. re-
garding a hippopotamus that was so
neat it dwelt in bath-tub.
"'Tain't nothin' to SELL deprecated
Peters. "Just takes all round in
sight into human nature, command
in achitude an a level head-and
there you are! If the howlin' mobs or
antique Rome wanted to see Huntsing-
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-11-07
EulfiIIment of Destiny.

No life is all that the liver Of It
meant it to be when he began. We
dream of building palaces or temples
and we have to content ourselves if we
can put up some little shed in which
we may shelter.-Alexander Maclaren.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-11-07

Mrs. E. M. Tinney, story writer,
325 E. Nueva St., San Antonio, Tex,
writes:
''During 1901 1 suffered form nasal
catarrh, which various other remedies
failed to relieve.
''Six bottles of Peruna, which I
took, entirely cured me, the catarrh
disappearing and never returning.
"I therefore cheerfully recommend
Peruna to all similarly afflicted"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-11-07

Embroidered on the front and
sleeves with coarse gray silk, match
ed by the buttons and loops. The
front of the coat finishes with the
lower buttons. Vest of pearl gray with
silver buttons.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-11-07

along for a week? I'd be willing to
carry water for the elephant"
What time is it by your gold watch
and chain?" asked Spike. well
we've just time to get over to our car.
Come on"
you don't suppose there's any dan
ger of me getting dizzy and falling
OFF," queried an excited voice from
the throne of Neptune's golden chariot
as the daily parade of Huntsinger's
Grand Amalgamated circus was form
ing.
You're all right, Nep," came a gay
voice from below. "Straighten your
crown a little-a teeny, trifie-to the
left. That's right. And say, don't
hold that trident as if you were out
spearing gold fishes. Wave it graceful
like"
Judge Sothergill, atop a gilded and
mirrored coach, rode proudly through
the towns principal thoroughfares,
bowling right and left with regal gra-
ciousness in response to the cheers of
dunlr1nS SHldll boys. when he IOSC
his trident overheard a hundred So
licitous youngsters struggled for the
honor of restoring it. Sothergill felt
that his life had not been without it's
moment; some people go to their
graves without ever basking as he did
now in the spotlight of public adula-
ton.
During the week that followed he
enjoyed variety of roles in the street
parade. On Wednesday he disported
himself as Mars, on Thursday he made
an effective but elderly Apollo, while
Friday found him perched aloft on the
moving stage as the prince in a scene
from Cinderella" The young woman
who played Cinderella told the Judge
he was the most gentlemanly person
who ever played the prince, which so
flattered the judge that he nearly fell
off the sea-going vehicle. And all the
time the caliope toiled industriously at
| the "Mocking Bird"
"Um-pa-pa-pa-pa
Hump pa-pa-pa
Um-pa um-pa."
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1907-05-23
- Fish Story.

Trout protection! Nonsense," said
a gunner Of local eminence. Trout
are amply able to protect themselves.
LOOK at their depredations among
ducks, for example, and you will agree
with me that it's the birds that need
protection. It's common thing for a
trout to jump from the water, seize a
duck by the neck, drag the unfortunate
FOWL into the depths sufficiently to
leave its feet sticking in the air. where
1t can get no purchase upon the uni
verse, and thus drown it. Then the
trout picks the feathers from the bird.
eats it at its leisure and swims away
out of the jurisdiction of the courts.
Are there any fishermen? None? Too
bad. This would be a match for one
of their fish STORIES"
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1907-05-23
=, oNeL HAD A GRIEVANCE.
.ortant Business That Took Him
IMP 20 the National Capital.

-, pete Hepburn of Iowa is one OF
sou members of the house of rep
saSentatives to be found IN Washing-
ie0' .,,st now. The other day the col
W., was strolling down the avenue
~oaring his deceptive permanent
~rouch expression, when TREND
s 5l,stod alongside and fell in step with
him. -. o,, oo1ono19n
tho friend inquired.
~ "11mnb." remarked Mr. Hepburn,
somewhat briefly.
nDoing chores for the boys at home,
a,ess" the unabashed friend con-
tinued
more loquacious.
"Then. what are you doing?"
INV dear young friend" said Mr.
penburn. lever since the winter OF
1aO3 there has been busted place
about as big as a soup plate in the
concrete in front of my house. Last
session made seven speeches on the
floor of the house of representatives
on the subject of the outrageous, con-
temptible, horrible, scandalous and In
competent manner in which the city
"a run and the terrible, insanitary,
cowardly and inhuman way in which
the streets of this city are neglected.
Last session l made nine speeches
on the same subject. | am now pest
erng the commissioners, and have
reason to believe that by the Fourth
of July I'll get that place fixed
And with a parting grOwl Col. Hep
burn continued on his way to the dis
trict building.-Washin Star.
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1907-05-23
FAMlLY'S SKIN TROUBLES.
eczema, Heat Rash, and Scalp Aztec
tons AffIict Different Members,
But Cuticura Cures Them.

MY wife had eczema for five or six
years. 1t was on her face and would
come and go. We thought we would
give the Cuticura Remedies a trial. We
did so and she has never had sign of
eczema for four years. l myself used
Cuticura Soap and Cuticura Ointment
some time ago for falling hair. | now
have a very heavy head of hair. We
used Cuticura Remedies for our baby,
who was nearly bald when young. She
has very nice hair now. She is very
fieshy, and we had so much trouble
with heat that we would battle her
with Cuticura Soap and then apply
Cuticura Ointment, it would dry the
heat up so much quicker than any
thing else. Mr.. H. B. Springmire, 1913
So. Capitol Street, Iowa City, Ia, July
16, 1905, and Sept. 16, 1906
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1907-05-23
SHAPE SET BY GOVERNMENT.
Women Employees of Uncle Sam Must
Conform Thereto.

There is considerable breezy. COM
of Uncle Sans two print shops-the
government printing office and the
bureau of engraving and printing
over what is termed by some of the
fair workers the government shape"
1t is said this shape was created by
the civil service commission for the
women employees Of the bureau where
the paper money and stamps are
printed, and that it is now the proper
thing for women in that branch to re-
Ter to their figures as the govern
ment shape"
According to regulations Of the
CIVIL service commission the measure
ments call for women who are tall,
slender and sinuous;" height, five
feet eight inches; weight, 154 pounds;
Dust Sc inches; waist, 25 inches;
mps, 4S inches, and back, 1914 inches.
A case of the rejection of a young
woman from Michigan is cited be-
cause she was not tall enough for
nsr width to meet the requirements,
@itnough her percentage in other di-
recuons was said to have been high.
IS explained that it is necessary
ior woman to be tall in order that
Ole may reach the notes while on the
press. A woman of short stature
0oulu not reach the notes, while one
u unusual girth would not have room
stoop between the presses in the
process of printing.
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1907-05-23
One Night Session Assured.

me wives of two western repre-
sen'atlves were lunching together in
lo mousse restaurant. my husband
10 working very hard" said one 81
aua,l De glad when congress adjourns,
A. 'nese night sessions are pulling him
uown dreadfully."
Night sessions!" exclaimed her
Svnpanlon in surprise. "Why-er
uut you know that there have been
~ a night sessions this session."
hoo. .ou don't say so! My husband has
WI WI OUT at least three night every
sos SON. saying he had to attend night
mom n,ons! WE'LL" she added, after a
nisbt en.s pause, che will have one to-
A'' oil right. Washington Post.
Sasry Cortelyou a Hard Worker.
work. ,e'dry Of the Treasury Cortelyou
othor more hours a day than any
'' member of the cabinet
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1907-05-23

Instead of experimenting with drugs and
strong cathartics-whch are clearly harm
ful-take Natures mild laxative, Garfield
Tea! 1t is made wholly of Herbs. For
digestion.
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1907-05-23
All Distractions Barred.

"Now that Grindle has made his pile
he has Joined the church"
wonder why he didn't join be-
fore?"
"He didn't want anything to inter
fere with his business"
Long Valley advocate. (Lardo, Idaho) 1904-1907, 1907-05-23

Be generous in judging the faults
of others. Most of us can only see
our own shadows.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-02-02
The Last Straw.

1t was Z in the evening, after a long
day, and the relay ticket seller Of the
Knickcrbocker theater. New York, was
tired. Since noon he had been handing
out tickets for The Red Mill making
change and answering questions. lie
had Just RETAINED from selling two be
hind-the-post seats to fond mother of
a 5-year-old son. because he couldn't
couscientiouSly assure the mother that
her boy would understand the show.
And then woman doomed up in front
of the box with an order for two seats
ION the aisle
The ticket seller handed the woman 20
brace of tickets.
"On the aisle:' she questioned
ION the aisle, madam. the treasurer
answered.
Then the woman asked another que>
ton:
Both =
And then the relay ticket seller fain.
ed.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-02-02
Billions for Pensions

The pension roll lost -. 40 names last
year. This was the largest decrease in
its history. but the Commissioner of
Pensions predicts even a larger falling
off for this fiscal year.
According to Commissioner Warmers
annual report, there were added to the
roll last year 1860 new pensioners and
l4O5 RESERVATIONS and renewals, making
the total addition of 34,974, and increas-
ing the total pensioners to 1.033.415. The
number of pensioners dropped was Al
444. leaving total on June 80 of $50,
971.
The maximum number of pensioners
in the history of the bureau was reached
January 81, 1905, when it was / .004, 1876
since which date there has been a steady
decrease, aggregating to June 80, 1906,
1925.
Death was the principal cause of the
decrease last year. the number dropped
on that account being 1890. OF these
29,20S were survivors of the civil war,
leaving 600, 453 survivors of that war
on the roll
There are still four pensioners on ac-
count of the Revolutionary war, one a
widow and the other three daughters;
ego, all widows. on account of the war
with Spain. and II ,472 on account of the
Mexican war. 1884 being survivors.
While there has been a material decrease
III tue uuulDtT ol peiiSioHeTS- tBe amount
paid IS nearly as large as last year. be
cause the ratings of many invalid pen
si0ners are constantly increasing. the
average increase last year being 81 -
Pennsylvania has the largest number
of pensioners-9SS2 500. Ohio follows
with 96,564, New York has 1920
The report shows that in the entire
history of the country the total eXpen-
diture ON account of pensions has been
S., 459 S60.311, of which only SOC. 40 444
had been paid out prior to the civil war
OF the total, S3.259, 1896 was on ac-
count of the Civil war. The total pay
ment of pensions on account of the
Spanish war reaches s15,i3S,;j55J up to
date.
The disbursements for navy pensions
during the year were 81 204 ,004. and the
income from the navy fund available
for pensions was $363.61S, or less than
Q per cent. of the amount required.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-02-02
When Oliver Johnson Made a Hit.

1t was Oliver johnson of Indianapolis
who made the speech at the time that he
was vice consul general iii London. He
made 1t at commercial banquet, at
which there were present some of the
most important and STUPID members Of
Parliament and representatives of high
finance in all merry England.
TO illustrate point he was endeavor
ing to impress upon his auditors, Nj
johnson related an anecdote. 1t cor
cerned a Yankee sewing machine agent
who was looking over some horses at a
sales stable with a view to making a
purchase. He was shown Il beast of un-
certain age that, in its prime, according
to the vendor, had been able TO trot i'll
2:30. Then halfgrown colt was
brought out, and the dealer assured the
prospective purchaser that in another
year the animal would be able TO do a
mile in 2:10.
chine agent, at this juncture. Il don
want a has-been or soin -to-be. What
| want is an is-er."
Here Mr.. Johnson paused for the
laugh that this story generally created.
but the others at the bile. with one eX-
ception. gazed stolidly at him and won
dered why he should stop speaking and
not sit down. The exception was a
somewhat boisterous gentleman of mid
die age whose seat was next to that Of
Mr.. johnson.
The boisterous gentleman roared with
delight: and ever and anon, throughout
the remainder of the speech. broke out
into wild outlaws. TO the scandal and
amazement of his compatriots, but to the
qualification of Mr.. Johnson, who was
pleased that even one Of his hearers had
been able to perceive the point of the
anecdote.
When Mr.. johnson concluded his ad-
dress and resumed his seat, his enthu-
siastic neighbor threw an arm over lis
shoulder and Whispered into his ear:
II say, old chap" he inquired
eagerly what is an is-erE"-Harper'
Weekly
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-02-02
Religion and Trousers

Many of the chiefs in the protectorate
of Gambia wish to have their sons edu-
Gated in the new Mahometan school Of
that region; but there was bar to their
full enjoyment of the education they
were likely to receive. The piouS Ma
hometan papas were afraid tlat the
wearing of modern trousers was part of
the school curriculum, and therefore
they viewed the school with peculiar sus-
picion. The governor of Gambia now re-
ports that the parents have been assured
that their children will not be converted
into ''trOuser men," and the prospects of
the school are now very bright.
1t would be interesting to learn how
this suspicion of the modern neither COW
ering arose, and whether the dry goods
merchants denied the natives their Ordi-
nary material But it may be interest.
ing to recall the fact that the British
government forbade HIghlanders TO.
wear the kilt for some years after the
battle of Culloden. However, the gov
eminent was in a tight corner during
their continental wars, and they were
glad to raise several regiments of High
landers, who resumed the kilt and the
trouser wearing edict died a natural
death.-Tailor and Cutter.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-02-02
Mystery" of Washington's Death.

Clement X. Shorter. an English writer
of more or less distinction, surprised ey-
erybody recently by printing in n Lon
don newspaper an article in which he
asserted there was a mystery surround
ing the death of Gen. George Washing
ton about which Americans hesitated TO
talk. If there be a mystery we should
like to know what it IS.
George Washington caught cold when
riding over his plantation ut Mount
Vernon on the afternoon Of December
l., 1899. Forty-eight hours later he
died.
He was attended by three of the best
physicians in that part of the country.
He was bled no less than three times 10
relieve a sore throat, and he was dosed
with calOmel enough TO deprive a healthy
man of his life. But what is the nys-
terry?
Enlightened physicians frequently as
sert that Gen. Washington was killed
that he was bled to death and poisoned
with calomel. Tobias Lear his secre-
tary. SAYS that after the doctor had bed
him to the extent of half a pint Wash
inton interrupted with the remark: Tie
cash is not big enough; make it wider.
And the highly trained professional idiot
proceeded TO do so. Does your throat
feel any better" asked the learned
leech. It's very sore murmured Wash
ineton. When the second physician ar
rived Mrs. Washington tried 10 stay his
murderous hand by protesting that the
general was too old a man 10 stand much
bIeading." Yes. yes" said the toighty
doctor No. >, IN be cautious in blood
letting.
And then be proceeded straight TO rob
his country's Father Of a full pint Of
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-02-02
BOGUS ELK TEETH.
An Industry That Proves Profitable to
the Northwest Indians.


Tourists in the Black Hills this fall
say that the Sioux Indians are doing a
good business in working off artificial
elk teeth upon unsuspecting visitors.
The Indians take small pieces of bone.
polish them and fashion them into the
shape of the real elk tooth. \ squaw or
buck will dangle one of these at the
end of a string necklace and mingling
with a crowd of tourists will easily find
purchaser. They usually get So for
one of the limitations, which cannot east
ly be told from the genuine. They carry
the fraud to the point even of brown
ing the end of the tooth to indicate that
it is of considerable age.
Elk teeth have been the principal
ornaments of the Sioux, Crows, Crees,
Bannocks and other northwestern tribes
for centuries. They are supposed TO also
have value i'll warding off back luck, and
1t has always been part of the Indian
creed that il is necessary TO bury them
with the dead owner.
The principal demand for the teeth
comes from members of the Elks and
has caused big increase in prices in the
last rev years. Two years ago well
marked tooth could be bought for $40
and the best for SIS. Nowadays a good
. one brings $25.
Most of the real elk teeth now in the
market came from the graves of dead
Indians. From the grave OF Sioux
chief at Pine Ridge, S. D., 626 teeth
We're taken. This chief, according to
legend, was one of the greatest hunters
of his time. Many of the teeth were
beautifully colored from the gay shades
of the Indian blanket in which the chief
had been buried.
+. II. Pelz. a wealthy manufacturer
of San Francisco, is reputed TO have the
largest collection of teeth He is said to
have more than 1900 pairs. the result
of nine years of work. He says that all
of them were obtained in the northwest
from Indians who dug them from graves
for him. Only the two eye teeth of the
animal are available as ornaments,
These are usually perfect and well
grown. while the Others are deformed
and ugly. An Indian. even in these days.
will seldom sell the tooth of any elk
he has himself killed. They have no
computations, however. about opening
the graves of the dead for them.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-02-02
Invigornte the Digestion.

To invigorate the digestion and stimu-
late the torpid liver and bowels there's
nothing so good as that old family remedy,
Brandreths Pills, which has been in use
for over a century. They cleanse the
blood and impart new vigor to the body.
One or two every night for a week will
usually be all that is required. For Con
stipation or Dyspepsia, one or two taken
every night will in short time afford
great relief.
Brandreth's Pills are the same fine lax
alive tonic pill your grandpa rents used
and being purely vegetable are adapted TO
every system.
Sold in every drug and medicine store.
either plain or sugar-coated
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-02-02
FATE OF A HISTORIC FONT.
Substitution That Was Made in Church
at Home of Pilgrim Fathers.

Substitution That Was Made in Church
at Home of Pilgrim Fathers.
Ii is reported that the font in the old
parish church of Austerfeld, North Lin
cOlnshire the home of the Pilgrim Faith
ers, al which the leader of the little
band. William Bradford, was baptized.
is nothing more than farmers stone
cattle trough.
Every summer dozens of Americans
visit the parish of Austertield, and one
OF the chief objects is, naturally. the par
ish church wherein the Pilgrim Fathers
wOrshiped. while the font has always
been pointed out as the one from which
the water was taken for Bradfords bap-
tlSm. With a view 10 obtaining the
facts press representative has paid a
visit to the district and gathered many
interesting details. He learned that
about fifty years ago the then sexton, Il
man named Miner, was ordered to re-
move quantity of rubbish and to sell
what he could. This he duly carried
into effect and among the rubbish"
removed was the historic Norman font.
which he sold to a local farmer named
John Jackson.
After Il time the font passed from
jackson TO his son William. who was the
tenant of the New Park Farm. AuSter.
as an ornament. in 1875 the younger
jackson ceased to be the occupier of th,,
farm mentioned and the font, along with
other fixtures, passed to the new tenant.
w. e. Fielding. In the auctioneer's in
ventory award, dated April IL, 1895, il
is described thus "Garden-Stone bap-
tislnal font. formerly in Austerfed par
ish church
Mr.. Fielding presented the relic to his
mother, who was born in AuStertield
and she in turn handed the font over to
the trustees of the Primitive Methodist
chapel at Lound, a small village near
Retford, where it now remains. 1t is
alleged that when the then incumbent of
Austerheld became aware that the font
had been removed lie sent for the sexton
and explained the gravity of the situa-
ton. Miner. in order to avoid further
trouble, consented to present the church
with a stone trough which he had at his
farmstead. This he did, and it is the
substituted trough, 50 it is stated. that
has been, pointed out to the American
visitors as the identical font at which
Bradford was baptized.
During the past few weeks Austpr-
field churchmen have endeavored to per-
suade the Lound Primitive Methodist
chapel trustees to give up possession of
the font, which they consider rightly be-
longs to Austerfield. but without sue
cess.-London Guardian.