Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-03-06

The average house wife will
soon begin to make life a burden to
the other inmates of the household.
She will tie a rag around her head
and wade into the dirt in a way
that will make your head swim.
She will tear up the carpets, empty
the cupboards, look sour when you
show up for dinner and slam and
bang things around to a queens
taste, and if you don't like 1T take
your meals up town. Spring time
is a very unhappy event when
house cleaning is on.
"A young mother CHANGED to oc-
cupy seat in front of us on train
last week, when an amusing in
cident occurred. She was vainly
endeaVoring to quiet her youngster
who was apparently about two
years old. The young cherub had
gormandized vast quantities of
fruits, nuts, etc., and seemed to be
in great misery and positively re-
fused to be comforted. Finally an
old gentleman. who was sitting be-
side the distressed mother, and
whom we took to be her father, re-
marked: Jenny, I'd larrup that
kid" "Oh. l hate to whip a child
on full stomach, said she. Looks
to me like it'ud be an easy matter
to turn it over" was the quaint
reply.
"A woman comes into a newspa-
per Office, comments on The condi-
ton of the weather, rem yves her
gloves, raises her veil, gets out her
$4 lace handkerchief, digs into her
chatelalne bag, brings out ga little
scrap of paper upon which is written
a simple advertisement for a hired
girl. She then inquiries the price,
which is to run at the head of the
want column 213 days n the year,
asks for the best location possible,
expresses a hope that she will get
good girl this time, puts her gloves
back on, and picking up her shirt
says: well, | guess that's ALL"
and departs, leaving her handker
chief on the counter. When she
trots her ten-year-old boy on the
errand he dashes in, drops quarter
on the counter, say; MAN wants
this In the paper, land is gone, after
having slammed the door. But he
has transacted the same business.
Man that is born of his parents
is of few days and full of microbes.
He goeth to school when young
ster and gets the seat of his pants
padded for something he didn't do
until he is sick at heart. He groweth
up like a weed in back yard, and
soon reaches the age when he is
composed largely of feet, freckles
and an appetite for pie. About the
time he gets too long for short
trousers and not long enough for
long ones he goeth away to college
learneth how to monkey with
three dollar mandolin and play
whiskey poker. he cometh home
bigger fool than ever and marrieth
a sweet young thing whose pa is
supposed to be wealthy, but whom
he subsequently asc rtaineth,
couldn't buy the prize rooster at a
county fair. He worrieth along
from year to year, gradually acquir-
ing offsprings, until his house re-
sembles a Sunday school class just
before Christmas. He fretteth
through the day and lieth awake
nights trying to figure out how to
keep himself and his dependent
population out of the poor house.
Efforts are rewarded by having his
daughters run away and. get married
and bring him home nice sOn-in-
law every few days to feast at his
board. His sons grow up and call
him governor and set him back a
five spot every day or two. About
the time he has acquired enough
lucre to make it worth while for
his heirs to quarrel over, he con-
tracts a cold and is hurried away
before he has time to have talk
with his family. His sons blow in
his estate on bad whiskey and plug
hats, and his wife puts the finishing
touches to his career by marrying
the hired man.
A HOUSE FO& SALE. A good f.
room house witt two lot garden,
with fruit trees, c rrant bushes, rasp-