davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
A BORN COMEDIAN.


He gets. In his desire to help.
Beneath your feet.
His paw is hurt; he gives yelp.
And beats retreat.
He grows oflcious with the cat.
Pretends 10 grOwl;
And promptly gets d side-swipe that
Evokes a howl
He numbers up, with jaws agape,
The crowd among.
Whereat the other dogs escape
And he gets stung.
But he is gay, though full Of woe
Appears his cup.
An optimist through life doth go
The playful pup.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08
Faxors the Prison Method.

From the New York Globe
The conclusion Is difficult to avoid that
the greatest social good with the least
attendant collateral harm will be done by
proceedings in personam rather than by
proceedings in rem. There is not the
slightest doubt that rebating would long
ago have stopped II the government had
energetically pressed personal prosecu-
tons. Even now the practice would cease
in a short time II every traffic manager
knew II was dangerous.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08
Naval ,NicISnames.

From the New York Press
We had a ship called the NIuriel, and
the sailors promptly dubbed her the
Merry Hell. The Georgia, as every one
knows, is the Jaw-Jaw. The Pennsylvania
is the Billy Penn. The Kearsarge Is the
Cuss-Age. The Washington IS Papa
George. and, singularly enough. is com
manded by John Adams. The Indiana is
Red Annie. The Terror Is the Tear Her
The Cleveland is Grover. The Des MONIES
Is The Mine. The Galveston IS Shirt-waist
"a clever hit The Amphitrite is the
Ample Tight The Solace is the One Ace.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08
sunering for Harriman's Sins.

Prom the New York Sun.
Just now railroad managers, however
upright-and efficient and faithful they
jugglers Of the Hartman type. These
railroad managers may write and speak
the absolute truth about traffic and rates,
and state the resources of their companies
In exact terms, but no legislator heeds
them. Then the dividend account viii
have to testify for them. When local
stockholders feel the pinch the revulsion
against unwise rate reductions will come.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

The Houston Post recently contained
IN the same issue an article on Texas
great qualifications as a summer resort
and a news item stating that the Their
mOmeter reached 10 degrees the day be
fore. That gives one an excellent idea Of
the Posts understanding Of a real sum-
mer resort.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08
Memorial TO saint Gdudens.

Few men who have deserved well Of
their country will. in their memorials,
come closer TO the people than Augustus
Saint Gaudens, who died the other day
Before his death he created a memorial
that will outlive him for many long years
and. it is hoped for the prosperity Of the
country, wifi come home to most Of the
American people. One Of his last COM
missions was the creation OF designs
for the new United States eagle and
double eagle. the gold coinage OF the fu-
ture- Artistically they VIII be a great
improvement on the old gold coins. The
Liberty head is retained In the new de-
sign. the ideal head used being posed
for by Miss Mary Cunningham, d member
Of the sculptor's household. On the so
gold piece. on the reverse side. the ma
tonal bird IS shown standing erect in a
new pose; on the $40 gold piece the bird is
IN flight. Last week the new coins were
minted. and they will be IN circulation ere
long
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

From the New York Evening Post.
A prodlgious fine for the oil trust, an
injunction against the furniture trust, the
sale Of Dowie's lace factory, and the re-
ceipt OF the offer Of $4,000 salary to
represent 200 labor organizations. provide
three pretty good days Of summer enter
tainment Not all the fun in the country
is a perquisite OF the Presidency.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08
The Chicken Version.

Then you don't object TO large fam
ilies?' inquired Mr.. Gander.
"On the contrary" replied Mrs. Hen.
Two can cheep as lively as one"
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

Senator JEFF Davis announced in an in
terview last winter that Gov. Vardaman
would be his official associate hades-
raiser in the Senate during the next six
years. 1t is to be hoped that the result
in Mississippi viii not impel Mr.. Davis
70 undertake double duty.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

From The Houston Post
Col Graves VIII make speeches in
twenty States during the next eight
weeks. The Atlanta Georgian therefore
win get completely dry before the prohi-
bition law goes into effect.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08
Collect 1t If Yon Ca,,

From the Providence Journal
Standard OIL is expected to respond
after the fashion of the late Josh Bill
Hngs. who. acknowledging the dun of an
insistent creditor. wrote: Enclosed please
find the twenty dollars-if you can"
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08
Defeats Its Own End

From the Columbia State.
It causes a sensation to impose a fine
of more than twenty-nine million dollars.
but the fact is that such a fine is better
for the Standard OIL than one of one
tenth that amount. The bigger one will
never be paid. Its very immensely will
furnish the defense with ground for ap-
peal
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

From the Baltimore News.
It Is d significant circumstance that the
Alabama outlawry proceedings against
railroads so far from exciting any dismay
or alarm In corporation circles. seem 10
be regarded with qualification as climax
that will provoke a conservative reac-
tion
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08
ARE YOU GOING AWAY?

Subscribers who leave the city
temporarily should have The
Washington Herald mailed to
them. Addresses VIII be changed
as often as requested. You can
not keep fully informed about
affairs In Washington unless
your paper follows you.
Before leaving. mail OF tele-
phone your address TO this Of
fee.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08
SONG.

The sun that shines in clouded skies
Is not the sun that used TO shine
In boyhoOd's land-the paradise
Where all the skies were mine.
The stars that twinkle in the night
Are not the stars we used 70 see.
In those old days when stars were bright
To show your eyes TO me.
The quaint old house I visited
To-day, is not at all the place
looked % find; the flowers were dead
No window framed your face,
The lane we used 10 wander through,
OF old. when summer twilights fell,
Is disappcared-I wonder who
Has cast 50 wieTd q spell?
You made the world that once 7 had,
I think-and when you went away,
Took il with you. and left this sad
Changeling ! find to-day.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

Gov. Vardaman declares that he was
defeated by Republican votes. There It
goes again; the Republicans invariably
get the credit for all of the good things
that happen in this country
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

A United States judge has refused to
enjOin the weather department from Is
suing rising temperature" bulletins. ac-
cOrding to a Virginia contemporary.
Doubtless this saved him from the en-
barrassment of being compelled subse-
Quently to hold the department in con-
tempt OF court.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

well. cheer up. Nobody can fine you
s., 10000 says the New York Nail. Oh,
we don't know about that; it might be
done And It Is just possible that the
courts would come as near collecting II
from US as they ever will from the stand
ard OIL
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

A Georgia solon wants to regulate and
restrict circus performances inside of
that State. The proposition is attracting
little attention, however; perhaps because
the people are unable to take any par
ticular interest in any other circus while
the legislature IS in session.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

worthy and misleading. The people OF
this country ought to be treated canddly
and squarely In all naval matters. No
subterfuge, no deception!
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

a New Jersey woman eloped with q
neighbor and left a note for her husband
telling him not 10 forget TO pay the gas
bill. Just as though she really thought
the company would give him a chance 70
forget H.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

Prom the Hartford C0urant.
The fact is recalled that William Nc
Kinley's friends were up and coming in
Ohio a full year before the Republican
national convention in 1895
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

The Atlanta Constitution thinks the
Georgia Democracy Is very dead. while
the Journal thinks II is very much alive
This appears TO be about as near to-
gether as the Democratic doctors are
able TO get these days.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

However. let US not spend that Standard
OIL fine before the sheriff gets II for us.
By thinking real hard you may be able
to recall how successfully Mr.. Rookie
felleT lodged the subpoena servers; and
he probably didn't half try in that
emergency.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08
NIodern Educntion.

Fifth grade next year, Johnny"
Yes, sir"
"Ah. you'll be in fractions or decimals
then, no doubt?"
mo, sir; Iii be in beadwork and per-
forated squares"
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

Church Organ Rankness" is an edi-
torial topic treated by the Salt Lake
Tribune. The Tribune viii get into seri-
Gus difficulty If II ever attacks the church
choir In that manner.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08
Prnceedinr Both Was

From the Chicago Record Herald
The corner stone Of the Carnegie Palace
Of Peace has been laid and war has been
started on the powder trust. It seems TO
be a case Of proceeding both ways from
the middle.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08
Orders.

MY friend links. says he can't catch
up with mis- orders"
us he manufacturer?
"Oh. no. Just married man with FIVE
grown daughters"
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08
They UEnnIIv Do.

Il told her that in her presence my
soul scared 20 empyrean heights Of inef-
fable bliss"
And what did she say to that?''
She said: Ger"
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

From the Philadelphia Press.
Alabame's way Of dealing with the rail-
roads by just ordering them to quit doing
business. would be very effective IL the
railroads paid any attention to il.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

Paul J. Went Of Hannibal, proved
the appropriateness of his name when
he eloped 10 ST. Louis with widow"
says the St Louis Republic. That's
right; there must have been something
~ about a man who would do that.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

From tie Cleveland Leader.
Vardanan insists that he is not beaten,
and the only thing the country is sure of
Is that be ought TO be.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08
Hardly.

one expects to find freaks at the sea-
shore, but it is certainly no place for an
armless wonder.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08
Practical Political Axiom.

From the Baltimore Sun.
1t has come to the place where poll
tician has to defy a railroad and stab a
trust in order to qualify for popularity.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

PLAT and Depew are reported 10 be
opposed to Fairbanks" says the Bir-
niingham News Doubtless Golfers
Weekly viii discover IN this n shrewd
trick upon the part OF the Vice President
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

An Iowa girl killed herself because
one Of her neighbors criticised her piano
playing. You need not get excited about
II, however; the scheme only works one
time in every 25e963 cases.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

IF 1 were a japanese statesman, I
would urge war;" says Mr.. Richmond
Pearson Hobson. And the real statesmen
over there would pay about as much at
tention to him as they do to those who
are now urging Il.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08
They're Coming Fast Enough.

Prom the Boston Transcript
More steamers viii have to be put on
the ocean highway. Charles H. Winslow
says everybody in Europe wants to see
Roosevelt.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

The Emperor Of Korea appears to think
that he has been Liliuokalanied out of
his regular business on this earth.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

From the Ohio State Journal
The only Office which we ever observed
actually hunting the man is the Vice
Presidency.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

Mr.. Bryan is an insufferable bore. {"
says the New York Times. Still, It isn't
every 'insufferabe bore" who can get
500 per night for lecturing.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08
Perhnpa Harrimnn Hns.

From the Indianapolis Star.
The question is, Has the Alton Railroad
SIS, 1900 in its other pocket?
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

Mr.. Rockefeller advises newspaper men
10 save their money. How can they.
when Mr.. Rockefeller and his crowd in
sist upon regulating the price of things?
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

Mr.. John Temple Graves refers 10 Mr.
Thomas Z. Watson as THE missing
link" Geel Even the Macon Telegraph
never went that far!
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

The prune crop is said to be a complete
failure IN California, but we have no
doubt that people used to filing up on
them win find some sort of substitute.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

The thread trust shows a disposition TO
still further advance the price Of it's COM
modify. They are probably we'll supplied
with yarns TO bolster up the movement.
too
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

That Fairbanks cocktail story appears
TO have been about as badly mixed
as the average cocktail Itself.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08
The Thermometer Fiend,

Now back and forth he wildly fits;
He has no time for trade.
He merely lives 10 see II it's
100 in the shade.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

The year Of our Lord 1907 will go
down in history as the year In which the
greatest number of big wars did not
happen.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

Hon. Jonathan Bourne. OF Oregon, who
fingered longer in Washington than most
Of the other statesmen after the adjourn
ment Of Congress, is now at Deer Park,
Md. Mrs. Bourne is making a tour Of
the far East and the Senator is taking
no real summer vacation. He is in close
enough touch with Washington 20 look
after the interests OF his constituents.
He is essentially a working Senator, and
has made a decidedly favorable impress
sion here. The President, by the way.
has no more ardent champion than Sena-
tor Bourne. who. as everybody knows.
originated the second elective term
phrase which has taken root throughout
the country In the minds Of those who
look forward 10 Mr.. R0Osevelt's nOmina-
ton for another term. The Senator Is the
product OF the primary system IN It's best
form. He was elected By the votes Of the
people OF Oregon. and no doubt IS enter
tanned by those who know him that he
will have a distinguished career in the
United States Senate.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

The question now before the country
IS: VIII Mahomet Rockefeller come to
Kenesaw Mountain?
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08
sut.s.io,ion Rate. BY Mail

No attention t0iH be paid TO anonymous
contributions, aud 20 communications 10
she editor ,0iH be printed ercept OUer the
name Of the tCTiter.
Manuscripts offered for publication tDiH
be returned Il unavoidable, but stamps
should be sent t0ith the manuscript for
that purpose.
All communications intended for this
newspaper, t0kether for the dolly or the
Sunday issue. should be addressed TO
THE WASHINGTON HERALD.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

Samuel G. Blythe. president Of the
Gridlron Club. and for several years
Washington correspondent Of the New
York World, viii sail from New York
to-day with his wife and son for a two
months tour Of Europe. He is now doing
magazine work exclusively. under a most
advantageous arrangement with the Sat
urday Evening Post and Everybody's.
A rich vein Of humoT and originality
characterizes his writings, which are In
great demand. \ recent article in the
Saturday Evening Post on Los Angeles
was exceptionally readable. and attracted
general attention in Washington Apart
from his uniformly clever work, Mr..
Blythe is one Of the most cOmpanionable
Of men, and Will be much missed, es-
pecially in Washington, Philadelphia, and
New York, during his absence. He keeps
his residence in Washington and has no
thought Of living elsewhere.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08
JUST BY THE WAY.
From the Cleveland Leader.
How Ii Works.

''You'G better take out some life Insur-
ance."
Go on. I'm so healthy, won't die for
sixty years yet"
But If you get policy you'll probably
work yourself to death paying premiums"
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08
wadsworth aud the Gridironers.

Louis Ludlow, the well-known Washing
ton correspondent. has written a very in
teresting article on the GridiroR Club. in
which he briefly traces the history Of the
organization and recalls some OF the
stu-s that have made il famous. An
interesting feature Of his article Is his
statement that Representative Wads-
worth. OF New York. was responsible for
the rlblicity given TO the Rooseveit-For-
aker episode at the last dinner Mr.
Wadsworth was a guest, and. according
10 Correspondent Ludlow, when the din
ner was over he fastened 10 tell some
newspaper men who were not GridirOners,
and who were not under the INDUCTION of
secrecy" being prompted 10 do this by
his feud with the President In a few
minutes" he adds, the story was buzz
Zing over the wire IN several directions.
Everybody, however. seemed 10 under
stand that the Gridironers were not 70
blame. and t. does not appear TO have IN
iured the famous dining club to any ap-
probable extent Although Mr.. Wads-
woTths name has heretofore been con-
nected by rumor with the publicity incl
dent. this is the first time that he has
been broadly charged with having broken
faith with the club that entertained him.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

1t is a little strange that Atlanta
never noticed the inadequacy of its water
supply until 1t found itself face to face
with prohibition
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

Telephone Main $500. CPriv.t. Branch E.shaass.)
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

The great remedy for sorrow is busy
ness. Blessed is the man who in the
himself in his work. Here for a moment
one may forget his aches and pains; the
edge of loss Is blunted; the sharp sting
Of separation becomes .dulled.
The Washington herald., 1907-08-08

Than calling Il az moments back 70 this;
The busy have no time Tor tears.
There is no cloud Of sorrow so dense
but through a rift in it the star OF hope
may shine. Thank God for that. What
ever the pain may be. let US remember,
with Shakespeare, that
Affection may one day smile again: and til then.
Six thee down. scrrow!
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-04-24
Al Sea In a Coffin.

1t was the French assassin Lupi who
escaped to sea from Cayenne in cof-
6n. He managed to get some nails.
tar and cotton, and one dark night he
got into the coffin shed. He selected
fine. stanch and seaworthy coffin and
fastened the lid In order to turn 1t into
q deck, leaving cockpit sufficient to
enable him to crawl In. He calked all
the joints rs well as he could, and
when this work was finished he made
a pair of paddles out of two planks.
Then he brought out his craft with
great precaption. without much diff
Guilty he reached the waters edge. ST.
lently and slowly he proceeded In the
hope OF reaching either Venezuela or
'BritiehS Guiana, $50 nautical miles dis
tant. Fortunately or unfortunately for
Lupi, the steamer Abeille, returning
from the Antilles, OF Parnmarlbo pick
ed him up. half drowned and almost in
q fainting condition, and few hours
later he was in irons in his cell.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-04-24
ATI issirarv ), cur;e.itv-

Some years ago q Paris newspaper
ordered a story Of adventure from q
well known novelist. The price agreed
upon was ] franc a line. The novelist
straightway hunted up an Old man of
,letters-the unknown co,labofator Of
many more famous authors who
agreed to write the story for q cen
times line: When the work had
reached It's SECOND part in the course
Of publication the novelist learned that
his old client was seriously iii. Hasten-
Ing to his bedside, he found him dying,
In agony for, the fate of his story, the
novelist rushed to the once OF the
newspaper, got hold OF some back
numbers In order to pick up the
threads of the. romance and brought
II to . speedy end in few brief
chapters. Then he went to the ONCE
with the manuscript.
whats that7'' asked the editor.
"WhY, the continuation and end of
my story" s
ooh, then, you want to change 1t, I
suppose, because. you know, you sent
In the last chapters three days ago"
Admirable self poaseSsion on the
part Of; the novelist prevented disaster,
and heI finally found this EXPLANATION:
The old man, whose price was % cen.
times a line, had himself sublet his
task to third writer at 10 centimes,
and thus the work had been finished
In safety.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-04-24
Look Into Space,

A young man whose eyes had been
troubling him consulted New York
oculist. What you want to do" said
the specialist, sis to take trip every
day on the ferry or In New Jersey,
Long Island-any place where you can
see long distances. Look up and down
the river. across fieldssor, If the worst
comes to the worst. go'on the top of a
skyseraper and scan the. horizon from
that point. The Idea is to get distance.
You use your eyes great deal and al
ways Mt close ranges You can't use
them~an other wayEin town. Even
when not reading or writing the vision
is limited by small rooms and narrow
streets. No. matter in what direction
you look. there Is blank wall not far
away to shut of sight"
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-04-24
Why . Swelling Fellow. . Blow.

The swelling which follows from a
blow Is natures effort to protect the
part from further injury and to keep It
at rest while repair is going on. What
actually takes place at the seat Of In,
jury is not even nowfquite understood.
The injGry to the smaller blood vessels
lnterferes with the, dow OF blood
through. them, and the white corpus
Giles. with part Of the serum, the wa
'tering part OF the blood. escape into
the surrounding tissues. At the sal,e.
time the blood vessels ID the nelghbor-
hood dllate. and the Increased fow. Of
blood with the thoroushfate INSTRUCTED
increases the, swelling. II u probable
that the white ;corpuhcles Of the blood
pass into the Tissues to asslst In the re-
pair, as bees or ants assemble at an In
jury to their storehouse, but with this
idifrerence-that the substance Of the
corpuscles is probably converted into
the Tissue Of repair. From one point Of
view the human body 10 only one g..
gantic colony Of individuals and the
swelling that follows injury; but the
rush of these to repair the breach.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-04-24

The Inhabitants Of the Canary isles.
finding Themselves oppressed by fam:
ine,i sent to the governor of Galicia one
OF their head men as an ambassador.
They advised him not to lose himself
in long winded talk. He promised and
kept his word. He took with him q
large number Of sacks, and, arriving
at the town where the governor was
on the circuit, he opened one OF them
before him. Saying only these words:
at is empty. Fill It,"
The governor ordered this sack and
the rest to be filed with meal, but he
said to the speaker: you had no need
to tell us that the sack was empty nor
that 1t was necessary to fill II. We
should have readily guessed that. An
other time be briefer in your talk
Bon WANT
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-04-24

There is a certain satisfaction In tax.
Ing the enemy unawares on his own
ground, in downing him with his own
weapons. President Polk evidently
took comfort in his method for miti-
eating the hand shake, that curse of
the chief executive office. and he must
have chuckled when he wrote In his
diary the bit which is given In James
Schouler's Historical Briefs"
II q man surrendered his arm to be
shaken by one horizontally, by another
perpendlcularly and by another with
a strong grip. he could not fail to suf-
fer severely by It, But If he would
shake and not be shaken, grip and not
be gripped. taking care always to
squeeze the hand Of his adversary as
hard as the adversary squeezed him,
he would suffer no Inconvenience by it.
can generally anticipate a strong grip
from strong man. take advantage
Of him by being quicker tlan he and ;
SELLING him by the tips of his fingers.
This is stated playfully, but it is oil
true.