Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1907-09-26
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the ill-behaved brats owned by othe
people.-Town Topics.
II, sir" began Bragg, "am a self
made man." YES" replied Wise, "bu
why apologize now? That won't hell
matters. s."-Philadelphia Press.
zone to-day Is worth two to-mor
rows" said the philosopher. You're
another" replied Pat. "Tomorrow
pay day."-Chicago Record-Herald.
Editors Wife-Listen how the tee
kettle sings, my dear! Editor-Smal
wonder. I put a lot Of Spring Songs
in the fire just neutrality-suspicious.
Blatter.
Patience-What reason had she fol
marrying him? Patrice-Why, he had
money. Patience-That is not a rea
son; that is an excuse.-Yonkers
Statesman.
American Magnate-What You in.
sist upon my settling million on you
Why, yesterday you said only 100000
Duke-But since then I've seen the
girl.-Town Topics.
Mistress Ito new maid)-Above all
things, / expect you to be reticent.
Maid-Yes, ma'am, certainly. (Curi-
ously) But what is there to be reti-
cent about t?-Lustige Batter.
Marie, can't you play tennis with
out making all that noise" Now,
ma, who In the world ever heard Of
anyones playing tennis without a
racquet T'-Baltimore American.
Jorkins-Drugged and robbed Why
don't you have some action taken in
the matter? Jobson--I can't I sup
pose the fellow had my permission.
You see, he was my doctor.-New
Yorker.
He bitterly y)-You have no heart
She-What nonsense. He-It's the
truth You firt outrageously with ev-
cry man you meet. She-Then I must
have very large heart to give little
of 1t to so many.-Brooklyn Eagle.
bduSI1ltE-ESO, NOu NtSII {
me to marry Mr.. Baldhead. I simply
detest him; he's a perfect idiot: it
would take too long to enumerate all
his faults. Mother-Very well, my
dear you'll be able to tell him all
that when you are married.-Pele Meie.
Pinch-Don't get foolish just because
you've had a little money left to you.
You'd better be economical now. Gay
ley-Ah. it's too hard. Pinch-But If
you don't live economically now you'll
have to later. Gayley-Well, 1t isn't
so hard to be economical when you
have to.
Mrs. Egerton Blunt-But why did
you leave your last place? Applicant
i couldn't stand the way the mis-
tress and master used to quarrel, mum.
Mrs. E. B. (shocked) Dear me! Did
they quarrel very much, then? Appli-
cant-Yes, mum; when it wasn't me
an I'm, it was me an 'er.-Answers,
Wihelm-Well old man, haven't
seen you for an age. And how do YOU
find matrmony suits you? Johann
(sighing) g)-It's an expensive joy. If
had only known what had to pay in
milliners bills Wilhelm-You
would have remained single, eh? Jo-
hann-No. I would have married the
milliner-Lustige Blatter.
Mr.. Housekeep-For goodness sake!
What are you crying about? Mrs.
Housekeep-Bridget got mad and left
this afternoon (sob) without a mo-
ment's (sob) notice. Mr.. Housekeep-
Well, you were going to discharge her,
Mrs. Housekeep-I know
(sob). That's the trouble. She (sob)
got ahead Of me.-Philadelphia Press.
THAT city man spent Sunday with
you, didn't he?" said Farroway. What
did he say about your placer "Oh,'
replied Subbubs, "he talked nonsense;
said it was a pity didn't buy a place
nearer the station" We'll, well! ~
"Yes: l told him the real pity was I
that my place wasn't near enough to |
the station to sell."-Philadelphia
Press.
yah, there. angrily exclaimed
saymold Storey, who had curled him.
self up and gone to sleep on the sunny
side of an ash barrel In the alley.
'Wot We pokin me thataway fur?'
.Oxcuse me, blease," said the rag
picker, dropping his iron hook In as
81 It'd not know dere vos
man inside of dem .''-Chicago Trib-
line.
Henpeck-Did you hear Of the nervy
hing Meekley did? Cnderthum-
Meekley? The idea. What was itf
denpeck- wife went to her club
he other night and when she came
,ack she found the door locked. Meek
ey kept her waiting for fully two min
ties before he answered the bell and
hen he pretended he had locked the
loor absent-mindedly.
The New Cook-PlaZe, mum, the
butcher did be tellin' me somethin' this
nor-rnin' th't I'm not afther under
;tandin' at all, at all. The Old Mis-
ress-And what was that? The. New
yook-He towld me he'd give me
on all the meat l bought
W him phwat docs that rOe1n2 The