The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-03-17
o.o.o.o.o.c.c-c.o.c..o.o
By Ellis Parker Butler

words which no home should be without A national work, and such I begged Jarby of Jarby & Goss to put in the list of three hundred words and to spell out the appendix in the smplted way, al- though after seeing the word works at work I no longer believed in the bargain counter style of spelling. l told Jarby my reason for wanting them in and he agreed. The list of three hundred is in each book. with the appendix as q sam pie of how to do 1t, and if desired we throw in q knitting needle free with which them that wish can take the book and punch out all the letters to make the whole book match the three hundred. 1t affords a pleasant occupation for the winter fireside and Is much enjoyed by young and old. A butcher can do 1t as well as a college professor and has as much right, none of tho words of the, English language being patented and able to hit back"
 "1 guess I don't need no games to keep me busy.' said Mir. Glthorp. This butcher business keeps me busy enough.'f
 "I should think it would" said Eliph' Hewitt. with sympathy. You do your own slaughtering, don't you?"
 Every bit of it. said Mir. Gilthorp T drive out and buy the cows. and I drive them to town, and l kill them. l have to do the whole thing
 "Troubled much by meat inspectors?'T
 
 Never seen one yet" said MT. Gill; thorp "and l don't want to-"
 And yet" said Eliph' Hewitt, quickly. "you wonder what my reason was for wanting to have the appendix of this, priceless work simple spelled. Do you think that Eliph' Hewitt and Jarby Ss Goss want Theodore Roosevelt to send d message to Congress explaining that Jar by's Encyclopedia of Knowledge and Compendium of Literature, Science and Art is monopoly because 1t contains in one volume all the knowledge in tho world? It Is too true. It does contain 1t. It is q monopoly. Jarby,' I says. we must beware of the big stick. We must make 0 friend of the President We must spell the appendix simply or he will be sending Congress one hundred thou-- sand words against us.' That was my reason, and l only hope. Mir. Gilthorp, that the President doesn't hear that AIr. Gilthorp of Gallup's Junction is set against the spelling he loves I only hope that when I write In to Jarby why [ cant sell Mir. Githorp a copy of this great work that the President don't hear of it and say: Here .s this MT. Gilthorp defying the spelling laws of the Simpli- fled Board and killing COWS that nobody knows is how old and decrepit. We ought to have an inspector out there.' That's what I hope. But haven't much hope, either. MT. Roosevelt seems to know everything.
 Mir. Gilthorp sighed and put his hand into his money drawer. Eliph Hewitt took the greasy bill and put 1t into his pocket.
 'Thanks," he said. "When send in your order I'll tell Jarby there aint no meat Inspector needed here"
 Don't you do itl" said Mir. Gilthorp. eagerly. Don't say nothing at all. Don't mention meat. gust say I'm glad the appendix Is simple spelled I kill the best cattle 1 can afford to, but there ain't any use calling the Presidents at tention this way. First thing I knew there would be one of them Secretary of States out here interfering with bus- ness"