The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-12-15

ly had the litigation With the Rentle- man who tracked down her ancestors for her. She wanted to join new pa triotfc society which required of the candidates for membershi ip @ royal an- cestry and about two hundred dollars in cash. So she wrote to an expert that did pedigreasing and asked for a neat royal family tree, something suit able for a lady of medium height, and inclined to be stout, with light com plexion and blue eyes. So he went through the stock and did his best to find a pedigree Nthat would match. He traced her back through Henry the Eighth, who was no slouch of a family man himself, to Alfred the Great, I think 1t was. But when the applicant rendered the contents of his morgue to the committee on credentials she was turned down. A lady who enjoyed a straight, not to say abrupt, descent from Canute discovered that the pedi- greaser had rung in a bum king out of the wrong deck So they had law suit which brought out the interesting fact that we now have in this republic a growing class among whom the ped igree comes in as the appendix goes out. We've a progressive race, Larry In one generation the family legs are seen in the original Black Crook ch orus, and in the next the family  the onyx mantelpieee."
 And yet this is the country where we're supposed to hate emperors and kings and all them sort of things" said the House Detective.
 We do,' said the Hotel Clerk, Eve do hate lem, only for the sake of hos pitality we disguise our feelings when they come over to examine our repub- lican institutions, such as Newport and Lenox and the Royal Poinciana Hotel at Palm Beach. When seven or eight hundred thousand of us New Workers turn out and stand on each others feet for several hours, and have our faces altered by policemen, while waiting for young member of royal house to drive past in a closed carriage on his way to the Millionaires' Club for a taste of old fashioned democracy, you'd think maybe that we are really filled with curiosity and admiration. But no. Outwardly we show enthusiasm, but inwardly we are consumed with the deepest loathing and contempt"
 'Ah, you can't gimme that dope, MT. Mclean" said the House Detective. "If that's true, what do these guys keep on jonin them foolish societies for the A. o. H. and the G. A. R. ought to satisfy anybody that wants to join somethin'2'
 Well, it's a catching disease" said the Hotel Clerk, "and devastating in it's effects. The bitterest enemy of the tottering monarchies of the Old World that we've got is always ready. to throw out his est into dormer effect when his wife secures the doe umentary evidence that will enable her to enroll in the Society of The Crime of Seventy-three, or the Continental Dams, or The Order of the Landed Gentry of Ellis Island or some one or another of the 2S0 varieties that we now have.
 Pm qualified myself, Larry. There's rich foreign blood flowing through my veins-I was vaccinated off of an imported bull calf. But l don't crave such honors though I've been told that it's a grand thing to be absolutely sure you're a descendant and have em- bossed papers in the house to prove it.
 'I met one of the leading ancestry sharps the other day at q studio tea, Iarry-a lady sharp, this one was, and they're the most violent Kind. They told me she was a leader of so- ciety, and so she will be any time so- ciety turns around and starts back the other way. One of her ancestors crossed on the ice with George Wash ineton Or maybe it was Eliza he crossed with-she was dark complicated. Anyaow, it counts her the same as big casino among the real descendants. My literary friend, Watkins, was there, and after he'd conVersed with her, he wrote a poem on the subject--a dia- feet poem Here it is here. He gave me a copy.
 To man up a tree-not fambly
 tree,
 Says Uncle Dudley Jones to me: "Tt nears jest nowhere he turned his
 quid-
 '"That the ancestry business is 0Vef''a' In A land like this where mans
 grand dad,
 Ifs gin'rally lowed, stole all he had From the savages, it's blame pore
 taste.
 And of time and talents and cash
 waste,
 m he always tryin' to prove a kid Come of better stock n his parents did. Why, in my day, son, as usual thing Folks th,owed their energies more, by
 Jing!
 To the gineration a-comin' on, Than to foolin' with them that was
 dead and gone,
 Ana if warn't the correctest thing, not
 then,
 To be loolxin' fam'bly arms right when The fambly legs wuz needin' chance To git inside of a new pair of pants! And that ain't the wust; if l under
 stand,
 These ancistry chaps jest go crazy and, If they ain't got ancisters fttin to be Swung in the limbs of a fambly tree, Bust into grave yard, like as not, And scratch around till they git 'em
 lot
 Of nice reminders of folks deceased, Which is petty larcency to say the
 least;
 And next thing you know they'll up and use
 My kin or your'n or Lord knows whose, As their fo'fathers. 'Casse that kind The nerve of a lion, as the feller sez."
 That's poor poem,' says the House Detective.
 well. he had a poor subject" said the Hotel Clerk.
 Hemp Filler. From the Chicago News
 Great Raleighr'' ejaculated the regu- lar customer, this Is the rankest cigar in seven stateS.'