Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1907-08-08
Charles Lamb gives a funny account

death by the casual burning Of the fam
fly sly, in picking about among the
ruins and sorrowfully handling the
crisp remains Glanced to burn his fin
gers. Clapping them to his mouth, he
tasted n pleasure so exquisite that Il
made him at once forget his pain and
loss. Pouncing ON the prize, he not only
dispatched the whole barbecue at sit
ting, but licked his lips for more.
The story got wind, and the entire
country was ablaze with burning pig
pens, nor was it till many years after
that some adventurous innovator shock
ed the adherents OF conservative cook
cry by proposing new and less expen-
sive process Of preparing a favorite
dish.
1t is not for us lawyers to laugh at
this. None has been more prone than
we to roast pigs according to precedent
All of us can remember when in every
action to recover the value Of one
mans property wrongfully appropriate
lege a fictitious losing by the former
and finding by the latter and all be-
cause the first case Of the sort, hun.
dreds of years ago, happened to be one
Of real losing and finding. Nay, have
even known the loss and finding Of a
patch Of cabbages to be solemnly aver
red, and no lawyer thought of smiling
at it.
In the department Of evidence we
have been especially slow to learn. II
you watt to know how cramped and
artificial its rules are just get into the
witness box to tell all you know about
some case and see how much you'll be
let to tell.
Very adroit was the march that Life
Loomis stole on the statute of limita>
tons" Lie was the factotum of Guys
Neck. He did miscellaneous business
as carpenter, cow doctor and coffin
maker adding TO his ether functions
that Of undertaking to the county poor
house. He was wtthai an easy, good
natured fellow, free to trust and q
most indulgent creditor.
Among the others whom Lite had
trusted 10 his cost was Greg Grimes,
without exception the greatest promise
maker and breaker in Guys Neck. II
verify believe he would II possible have
put creditor of 10 the last judgment
and then, on the score Of It's being a
busy day. have begged him TO wait till
tomorrow.
Greg bad wheedled Life with pgom-
ises till the Atter's claim was ~outlaw.
ed" Losing patience at last, Life took
his account over to the squires, when,
to his NO small discontinue, he learned
that unless he could get new promise
from his debtor, with a witness TO It
he might whistle for his BILL
Such fellows as Greg always know O
good deal Of law, especially the sharp
points OF It Greg would talk as freely
and was as full Of promises as ever
when he and Lie were alone but be-
fore others would either evade the sub
ject or else remain provokingly mum. ,
One day Lite drove up to Gregs door {
with his old gray mare and spring wag. ,
on, plain pine cofhn--one Of those fat
topped affairs deemed good enough for
poor folks-befng visible behind The '
seat
"Mornin', neighbor." said Lite. I
'Same to you," said Greg. Coin to
plant pauper, 1 see"
Y-a-a-s. Old Boke took rather sud-
dent leave last night and went % tu I
Tie charity Of another worid.%
(which Is no more'n fatn" saA Greg
'seein' how long he's nred on lae char.
ity Of this"
Would you mind gtesf1 In and com.
IN along. neighborr said Lite. 'Ttr
nighty dull goin' to . fusaval a, a,oue
t4 oneself"
6res didn't mind and sbuaehtv., |
mounted by Liter side.
1hs two <hatted sway sftsr a soef
b prove how cheerful eood eomDAux E
can render even grave occassou. =
4 spose you hevu't forgot that i,tt3s
Dill o miner Lite at last took the iib- D
eFty to hint.
Not By no mea1s." Assd 0pee 'IStb
zee, now. How moch did you a, = 2
vast I misremembae E&ehk4Y.s
Even $69, besAdn seven yearr IN
Ierest."
"Quite right" Greg ssaented. Fl roo. =
oalect 1t now.'
''Ef IT'S at all fncoovenient TO pay
=" said Lie, don't put yourself out .
N no account" v
I've been threaten1n' TO settle II for
month back" said Greg, ''but times
aev been tight, an'-an how would
Monday week DOR A
. 10 dot" answered Lite. -
: I'll send 1t round" said Greg.
a curious sound came from the cot.
ln-the ghost Of a chuckle, Durdies D
would have called it. Greg gave one n
ump and Tit" In an adjacent COW pas
ure. Looking back, he saw Lies sc
'rentice, the most mischievous in GUYS L,
Week, but with plenty Of sense and Of g
awful age to be witness, sitting I'D
the coffin laughing like mad &
Greg took in the situation at glance. \
1e had been duped into committing
imself before a witness.
It's dirty, nasty, mean trickp' be
ried. :
What is it?" said Lie.
why, rifin' with a body's feelin's
bout old Boke, maxim b'lieve he,a