davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-01-20

says: Snowfall dash back 90 tn pantry an fetch
me another slice " this here pie, an be quick
about it or I'll blow yeer black head off That
was unpleasant, but tn life gnraly was a cheer
full wan, an if they cud read tn Pa-apers they
often knew what they we're dom.
" But tits aI changed now TIL Ambassadure
has no snap. He's got TO keep thrained to tn
minnyit, an whin he goes up TO tn White House
he wears fightin' TRUNKS undhor bis UNIFORM
an carries tennis bats, fencn masks wrestlin'
toys, an boxn' gloves in his bag. Whin tn Pris-
idint come into office be looked tn Diplomatic
Corps over an says he They need healthful
exercise. They ar-re an anaenic lot An thin We
began to read in tn pa-apers Tn arrival iv
Baron Speck Won Sternburg rs German Ambas-
sadure at Wash nton has sint thrill through
diplomatic circles. FIR a long time tn infloonce
iv Germany has been wauin'. tn former Am
bssssdure was iarned man, but tn most e1er-
else he liver took was polishing his eyeglasses.
TIL German Impror was in despair f'r III
Fr-rinch AmbRssadure Moosoo Jusserand was at
tn White House ivry day conductin' important
negotiations with tennis bat in tn back yard
Tn Fr-rinchmsp is a fine tenniser, but sthrange
to say tn Prisidint just beat him ivry time
1t suddenly occurred to tn Kaiser to sind over
Speck, who is wan iv tn best soordsmen IN tn
German army TIL change was instantaneous.
Yesterday tn Fr-rinch Ambassadure was seen
weepin' and beatin' on III White House dure
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-01-20

with tennis bat while tn German Ambassadure
made faces at him through tn window. Baron
Speck has lost wan ear f'r tn fatherland. but he
has negotiated threaty fr tn free export iv
dachshunds into this country.
Former fav'rite Ambassadors ARE secretly
delighted with tn change, but there ARE fears
that important divolopmints may follow. Tn
Jap'nese Minister has not been himsilf since he
taught tn Prisidint jiu-iitsoo an was severely
cut be tn glass Nv a skylght through which he
was thrown. tn Fr-rinch Ambassadure may 60
home an his GOvernnint is negotyatin with
prominent handball player. Tn Swedish Gov
ernmint will make an attimpt to have Hacken-
schmitt riprisint Sweden at Wash 'nton. Last
night tn Prsidint was in an especially jolly
mood at tn diplomatic RECEPTION, where he
showed tn British Ambassadure a new thrip
Tt wint off very we'll The Ambassadure Only
said: My word, as he sat down on andiron.
Tn Eyetalan Ambassadure is loo5n' very
gloomy afther an unsuccessful attimpt to teach
tn Prsdint a new game iv cats cradle. Tn
Prisidint said il wad be all right if We used wire
cable an whoever lost hand lost tn game too
He Is determined to establish closer relations
with tn South American republics an he has
challenged tn dark-hued diplomats to a grand
rasslin' match. whin he viii take thin all on at
wanst TIL Ministers iv Chile, Peru, Argentine
Brazil, Uruguay an Icwadoor have hurridly Left
town. Tn Turkish Minister has asked to be re-
heved an have his head cut off. lie says be pre-
fers to die at home. TIL Prisidint is very much
pleased at tn appintmint of Oscar tn Rooshyan
Joynt as Amhessadure firm Rooshya. lie thinks
he can make wan hundherd an eighty pounds be
tn time tn representative iv tn Gar prisints his
credentials
" So We see Hinnissy It's no aisy thing fr tn
spilled darlin iy Europeen coorts to do business
around Washnton. Who's this new Ambassa-
dure firm tn home " that part iv our Anglo
Saxon race that hasn't got its vote counted yet
He's fine English gintleman " tn old school,
firm tn north " Ireland. A good man. He's
what they call a Liberal in England. A Liberal
in England is man who believes in tn same
things that radical men in this country believe
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-01-20

assumed name. But if l was tn new British Am
bassadure tbs tn constitution " Tiddy Rosenfelt
I'D keep me eve on. That's ia ony wan that
don't need protection firm tn JUDICIARY.
But amy how what difference does it make
at all? Sure who cares who's Ambassadure?
NANNY years ago twas a divvle iv Job. Tn
Ambassadure was a part iv his own country
thransplanted. Wherever he whit he
walkn United States iv America If amy wan
asked him what tn policy " his country was
his answer was: make it up as l go along 1t
took about a wear fr him. to rapport anything
he had done an another year to get tn reproof
back, so he led free an rochous life, declared
war, punched Prime Ministers in tn eye. an
gin rally mis5ehaved himsif, an no wan at home
cared what he did Be tn time they knew amy
thing about it it was old news an ne was up TO
some other devilment.
But now how is it? Sure an Ambassadure is
about as VALUABLE as a telephone OPERATOR. He
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-01-20

Tread in tn pa-aper: Sir ALI Orkins, Consul at
Coontown on tn East Coast, is in disgrace with
tn Governmint f'r his attentions to a lady that
is considered a sthrikin' brunette even in sunny
Africa. TIL Cabinet is determined to punish
him severely an ne has been sppinted Ambassa-
dure TO tn United States He come over here
an stayed a few years His first act on lsndin'
TO file gn'rsl demurrer to tn country an
its inhabitants, yhch he filled out in detail
later on. He wrote home to Chipping Norton
firm time to time regretting that he had nav
thin to eat but canvasback ducks an terrypin,
an that We cudden'J find amy Vegetable mar
row, let alone wrinkles, in this degraded coun-
thry. Afther awhile he set down an sint letter
iv advice on American pollyticks to an Innocent
searcher aftheT tn truth in tn employ v a cam
paign comfy, an thin he was allowed to 60 home
be tn first boat.
" Well, Sir. twas a cam an beautiful life they
led. Nawthin' to worry thin but tn question "
dhress an Joe Cannon always beatin' thin to tn
vittles They niver were able to get in first.
They thred to thrip him up, but he Jumped over
tn British Ambassadure's foot. They grabbed
his coattas, but his hunger an the dimmyoratio
Traditions iv what Hogan calls precedence was
too sthrong f'r thin. Win they got into tn
dining room there he was in q seat where he cud
grab tn first waiter that come along Some iv
thin asked f'r a man-iv-war to enforce their
demands f'r tn first helpin' to tn corned beef,
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-01-20

hut Joe Cannon dofied thin He said no furrner
cad get in ahead iv him. He'd had tn right kind
iv thrainin' in Vermilhon County with hired
man as pacemaker. He said twas merely a
motther v tn start. He was off quicker than tn
imported gourmand an his quick start give him
ten yards advantage over tn fastest an hun
crest man in tn Diplomatic Corps. He thought
i it wasn't f'r his rayspict f'r tn Chief Ixicoo-
tive, an if he wasn't bumped an made to swerve
IN th' stretch he cud run tn Prisdint himsilf to
@ head.
Iv coorse, Hinnissy, that was a sorrow iv tn
diplomats an they had other griefs. 1t was hard
10 dance tn two-step escape cuttin' off their
legs with their soords, their gloves busted at
times, an now an thin Southern Congress
man tapped wan iy thin on tn shoulder an
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-01-20

Even failure may be spoiled by
new broom and a straight flush make a cleas
sweep.
The man who kicks himself sos. back on his best
friend.
Ignorance OF the law excuses no one. not ever
a lawyer.
Any fool can catch on. but It takes a wise
TO let 60.
good-hearted man carries part of IT m MS
pocketbook.
Perhaps the world isn't as bad as the people who
talk about 1t.
Some self-made men give the impression that they
have cheated Themselves.
Strategy consists Of finding the enemy's weak
Most men Of prominence ara highly esteemed By
those who don't know them.
II man doesn't land in jail before no becomes
millionaire he IS reasonably safe.
You deny woman one Of the greatest pleasures
Of nfe when you refuse to argue with her.
The office that seeks the man isn't nearly -
persistent as the creditor on the same mission.
II the photographer took people for what they
are worth he would take some people for nothing.
The woman w;:o looks as though she had a secret
sorrow always interesting tn che tries tell
# you
when m Is known a confirmed bachelor
IT means that great many girls have assisted at
his confirmation.
Naturally a girl would rather DO beautiful than
intellectual There are more stupid IN the
world than blind ones.
" The woman who marries me-" remarked q
bachelor friend OF mine the other day VIII hAvs
20 be big fool I am"
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-01-20

firm tn North ~ Ireland"
has 10 make tn connections an II he listens or
cuts in he's fired He's q messenger an q slow
wan firm wan Govemmint 70 another He goes
up to a King with sealed envelope an hands 1t
70 him with tn remark: Sign here That night,
maybe. man rsps at his dure an saws ARE
We tn fellow that brought tn message this
mornin'' am ssys tn Ambsssadure hitchin'
on his soord. Then I've come 10 tell We to pack
yeer thrunk an 60 on tn eight fifty-five. Ye'er
benighted Governmint has asked us to come
outside if we dare an we've wired thin that We
dare
heerd Hogan say there was talk in tn Eng
hsh pa-apers " goin' to war with rs about ia
pam said Mr. Hennessy. I'd like 70 see 1t.
D'yeethInk they viii?
tn English pa-apsrs," sad Mr. Dooley,
q" like our own ar-re conducted be renowned
waTrvors. But, do We think if there was on'v wan
butcher shop in tn city I'd thry to wreck it,"
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-01-20

when the latter arrived he found that the safe
an old-fashioned affair locked with key. could
not be opened After hasty examination the ex-
pert taking piece OF wire dug from the key a
mass OK dust and lut He then opened the safe IN
the tvsinkling Of eve. The business man wore
slchly smile he asked ueekly.
How much?
Twenty dollars"
DO any OF your firms patrons here know Of YOU
VISIT"
Sot a soul but yourself"
Then" added the business man. here's forty
dollars I'll take II 10 b a great II you" hus-
tle by the first train II any N this town
knew that had paid a $50 10 dig dirt out OF
key for me ia never do another dollars worth Of
business In the whole state"
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-01-20

WEIL-KNOWN business man IN
town not FAR from Cinciunnu discov>
cred one morning recently. on entering
his office. thst his safe was out OF or
der. He Immediately telegraphed e
Philadclphia FOR an expert
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-01-20
MR.. DOOLEY
\ ON IPLOMA CY''
By Finley Peter Dunno
Pictures by Gordon Ross

Copyright. 1907 by H. II. Mcclure Co. Illustrations
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1907-03-15
Chilian Oddities.

: There are some oddities in Chill
connected with the sphere of woman
that deserve mention. One is that
women act as conductors on the
street cars. Everywhere, the passen-
ger meets the woman conductor armed
with her bag, and collecting the coins
fully as well as her masculine COM
petitor, and much more politely. In
the shoe store all the statesmen" are
girls and women, and in the telegraph
offices in city and country, young wom-
en- are found as operators. And they
do their work well, too. But to offset
this, Chilian hotel or boarding house
and in many residences men do the
work of the chambermaid, American
ladies are always shocked to find that
a man servant takes care" of the
sleeping rooms in the hotels of Chilli.
From "Haroun al Raschid in South
America" by Sandy Broad.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1907-03-15
FEW KNOW THIS.
Gives Simple Home Prescription and
Directions to Use.

A well-known specialist is authority
that Kidney and Bladder Troubles of
all kinds are in nearly every instance
readily relieved by taking few doses
of the following simple homemade
mixture:
Fluid Extract Dandelion, one-half
ounce; Compound Kargon, one ounce;
Compound Syrup Sarsaparilla, three
ounces.
The dose is a teaspoonful after meals
and at bedtime. These ingredients
can be obtained at any good pharmacy,
and are mixed by shaking well in a
bottle. Victims of Kidney, Bladder
and Urinary diseases of any kind
should not hesitate to make this pre-.
scription up and try it. 1t comes high.
ly recommended and doesn't cost much
to prepare.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1907-03-15
Never Overlooked a Chance.

When Bishop Talbot, now Of the
central Pennsylvania diocese, was
"the cowboy bishop" of Idaho and
Wyoming he never overlooked an op-
portunity of securing contributions
for the missionary work in which he
took such delight. On one occasion,
while attending a meeting of church
dignitaries in st. Paul, he was chatting
with some other clergymen on the
steps of his hotel when several ho-
boes came along. One of them ap-
preached and asked for aid. Bishop
Talbot took him aside and after a
short but earnest conversation the
other tramps saw something pass
from hand to hand. What did he
give you?" asked the other hoboes
when they all started away. Didn't
give me nothing" was the disgusted
reply Il gave him a dollar for his
blamed new cathedral in Laramie"
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1907-03-15
Worth Knowing About.

If you need first-class laxative,
there is nothing better nor safer than
that old family remedy, Brandreth's S
Pills. Each pill contains one grain
Of solid extract Of sarsaparilla, which,
with other valuable vegetable prod
ucts, make it a blood purifier Of ex
cellent character. If you are troubled
with constipation, one pill at night
will afford great relief.
Brandreth's Pills are the same fine
laxative tonic pill your grandparents
used. They have been in use for over
a century, and are for sale every
where, either plain or sugar-coated.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1907-03-15

Pattern No. 5753.-A dainty little
night gown of simple construction is
here shown in development of cam
brio and allover embroidery. The full
front and back is gathered to round
yoke which may extend to the neck
vhere 1t is finished by rolling col
lar, or it may be cut in low round out
line. The sleeves may be long or in
the comfortable elbow length. Main
sook. lawn, cambria, longcloth and
muslin are all used in the making and
nll-over embroidery, tucking, frills of
embroidery and lace are employed in
the decoration. For child of four
years two and one-quarter yards of
36-inch material will be required.
Sizes for 2, 4,'6 and years.
This pattern will be sent to you on
receipt of ten cents. Address all or
ders' to the Pattern Department Of
this paper. Be sure to give size and
number of pattern wanted.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1907-03-15
FREE
Eneraetic cIaridon Women.

That the women of East Claridon
have fallen heir to the masculine en-,
ergy which built the houses and farms
around this neighborhood is shown by
the fact that when you meet team
the women nearly always are driving
In this the women excel, and 1t is
only an occasional farmers team
which does not seem to be in posses
sion of some woman.-Chicago Trib
une.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1907-03-15

"She has a One mind, hasn't she?"
Remarkable. One of those minds
that, when you are with her, you can't
decide which makes you the more
happy-to listen, or to realize that
you are not married to her"-Life.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1907-03-15
cuItIvatina ReIladonna.

manufacturing firm has a 15-acre
belladonna garden in operation near
New Brunswick. The farm is sue.
cessful as far as the production of a
pure drug is concerned, but it is not
yet profitable enough financially to
make many farmers abandon their
garden truck and take to cultivating
the deadly nightshade.-Country Life
in America
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1907-03-15
rhe Voice of Wisdom.

"If l ever have another chance to
marry a widow I'll select one who be-
came that way in the courts"
"Why?"
81 will then have reasonable grounds
for believing that she'll not be contin-
ualIy boring me with remarks about
the goodness of her first husband
Chicago Record-IIerald.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1907-03-15

languid, nervous and lame in the
morning. Doan's Kidney Pills helped
me right away, and the great relief
that followed has been permanent"
Sold by all dealers. so cents box.
Foster-Milburn Co.. Buffalo. N. Y.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1907-03-15

Pattern No. 5752.-This pretty waist
in surplice style makes one of the
latest variations of the fancy blouse.
Fine tucks are laid in the upper part
of the fronts which are crossed and
softly draped into the belt. The back
is plain and full length and elbow
sleeves are both included in the pat
tern. 1t is especially suited to the
soft supple fabrics now in use such
as cashmere, voile, pongee, linen and
chiffon taffeta. For 36-inch bust meas
ure two and three-quarter yards of
material SO inches wide will be re-
quired. Sizes for go, "a, Sc, 3S, 40
and AZ inches bust measure.
This pattern will be sent to you on
receipt of ten cents. Address all or
ders to the Pattern Department of
this paper. Be sure to give size and
number of pattern wanted.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1907-03-15
can,t Accustom Herself to II.

"Mrs. Mimms is one of the queerest
women | have ever known"
"Why, never noticed anything
strange about her."
"She has been married for seven
years and still cries every time she
finds out that her husband has lied to
her."-Chicago Record Herald.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1907-03-15
Man,s Inslnoerlty.

Those who are most given to COM
plimenting women are generally least
inclined to make them citizens.--Lady
Henry Somerset. in London Opinion
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1907-03-15

Thousands tell of
cures made by Doan's
Kidney Pills. John G.
Coleman, a proni-
n t merchant of
s a IN s b orc, Ca,
says: For several
y ears my kidneys
were affected, and
my back ached day
and night. 1 was
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1907-03-15
Senator'S wife skIIIfuI HarpIst.

When Mrs. w. A. Clarke, wife OF the
Montana senator, entertains in their
Massachusetts avenue home Mrs.
Clark gives her guests a genuine treat
in a harp recital. She is cultured
musician, especially skillful on the
harp.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1907-03-15
ONLY ONE "RRoMo oUuNryr,,

That Ia LAXATIVE BROMO Quinine. Similarly
FAMED remedies sometimes deceive. Tho tlrst and
original Cold Tablet is n WHITE PACKAGE With
lack nnd red lettering and bears the signature of
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1907-03-15

Satan is willing to let men go to
church on Sunday If they work for
him the remainder of the week.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1907-03-15

Garfield Tea has been famous for years
as remedy for constipation, liver and
kidney diseases. Guaranteed under the
Pure Food Law. g.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1907-03-15

Especially worthy of notice is Garfield
Tea, Natures remedy for constipation,
sick-headache, liver and kidney derange-
ments. 1t is made wholly of Herbs.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1907-03-15

PUTNAM FADELESS DYES do not |
stain the hands or spot the kettle, except |
green and purple. l0c per package.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1907-03-15

No cord or cable can draw so
forcibly or bind so fast as love can
do with single thread.-Burton.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1907-03-15

Never Judge any mans worth by
his size. A silver dollar is much lar
ger than a $40 gold piece.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1907-03-15
DOES YOUR BACK AcHEf
Cure the Kidneys and the Pain viii
Never Return.

Only one sure way to cure an aching
back. Cure the cause, the kidneys.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1907-03-15

Mrs. Windows Soothing Syrup.
For children teething. sofens the gums, reduces n
ammaton, allays pain, cures wind collie. 25c BOTTLE
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1907-03-15

To live in hearts we leave behind
is not to die.-Carnnbell.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1907-03-15
Do Won own Minlno Stock

of little value to you? We will buy it!
Address, Investors Refunding Association
of America, 42-44 New street, New
Norl
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1907-03-15
Glover & Grass Seeds.

We are known os the largest growers of
Grasses, Clovers, Oats, Barley, Corn, Po-
tatoes and Farm Seeds in America. Oper-
ate over 5000 acres.
FREE I.'
Our mammoth l4S-page catalog is mailed
free to all intending buyers; or send
Sc IN STAMPS
and receive sample of perfect balance ra-
tion grass seed" together with Fodder
Plants, Glover, etc., ETC., and big Plant
and Seed Catalog free.
John A. Salzer Seed Co., Box w, La
Crosse, Wis.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1907-03-15

Fault finding eventually results In a
disposition toward selfishness.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1907-03-15

All thy virtue dictates. dare to do.
Mason. = '---- - -.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1907-03-15
PILES CURED I'M q To IA nays.

PAZo OINTMENT is guaranteed TO cure any casa
of Itching, Blind. Bleeding ProtrudinR Piles In
oto II days or money refunded. 6Uo.
Der Deutsche beobachter. [volume] (New Philadelphia, Ohio) 1869-1911, 1907-02-21
GtDbete1 ,tnO Dcfrole,t IL !.

Z
Eie Vetroletnr aneIIen al Der @p!i=
ftife limb IN leBter 3eit lusniaer sraiebia
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lttimfelber in leras uno 2puilinna bat
l.in etlDa IS proSsiit abaenommeM. Die
ploBtide Nhllabme muroe, ME Der
Seros VorIudrts" mitibeilt, stpei Saae
llod benz Grobeben aui Samaica bepb-
ohtet. 5ieb3ehn petrolsum QuelIen
III 5sras mo 9oniIiona rpuroen oans
troden. luihrenb bic Broouttiou Der an
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ratio pnroe beDbndlttt. baB cine beneu
tehos yerilillberunp Ger Yetroleum=
Wsuaen eIntrat. Grperte,i, meld)e Die
Sahe unterIuht hunen, liuo DER gn=
llbi onB Die IN Der @roe anaei0mmel-
len peiroeumporrdtbe ourh Die @rbers
's,i'fterunapn sim She'll mad anoeren
Dran rbasflpil,n linb. yDdbreno nah
Dem tt,lenllden G,nbeb,n ole graisbiu.
ie't hei VttroianU. Gueiau in Qouilinnn
uNh osn ,llolidleu Sprus baoenseno nb=
nuun'. ltplaft!e lie lih in BEN Qnellen
oes norolihsn 9;rns um eima bnnoert
Bspieni. nb,unbi ole n0rblihen Quellen
of' alter llno uls Ole ,loll1sn.