The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-05-12
COPYRIGHT, BY ELLIS PARKER
 BUTLER.
c.csG.c'o.c.c.c.c.s.C.s.o- "C.Cs,.oc

I'm goin' to resign out of office as soon
 as I can catch hold of enough of the
 City Council to resign to. And I don't want no book today, anyhow, for I've got | my hands full of this rusted-out, red hot pump. This ain't the kind of pump that takes much interest in literature, science
 and art. What 1t needs Is a new top and | bottom and new sides, and l could chuck | 1t plumb full of science and art and 1t | wouldn't do it no good This aint literary kind of pump; it's the kind that
 needs a monkey wrench l could recite
 nice literature out of that book at it | all day and 1t wouldn't pump water bit
 better than 1t does now. And now 1t don't pump any"
 "On page 649," said Eiph' Hewitt, i. soothingly, "beglns the chapter Hints to 1 Officeholders,' giving a full account of
 the duties of public officials and ser
 vants and how to perform them, how to
 avoid the clutches of the law, etc. Recom-
 mended by all the leading public men of 1 the day"--
 If 1t gives directions how to git rust | ed nut off a rusted bolt without ripping a | public officials fingers out by the roots, | show 1t to me. But if 1t don't, about all
 the hint this inspector of municipal owned | pumps needs is a hint that he was an 1 idiot when he gave up working in the l cheese factory to be marshal at $200
 year, and this pump gave me that hint,
 and gave 1t to me on my knuckles, and
 l don't need another just today
 Eliph' Hewitt coughed gently behind his | hand
 ''The directions for removing rusted 1 nuts from rusted bolts are not in the | Hints to Office Holders he said, kind | ly, as one would explain a self-evident
 fact to a child. Those directions. togeth-
 CT with full instructions how to drive | nails without splitting the board how to mend a cracked stove with ashes, how l to cut glass and six hundred other useful
 directions for everyday life are found in 1 the chapter on Helps and Hints for the | Home, page 442. Every need of life, pri-
 vate or public, is met by this volume, the
 price of which is but S5, S1 down and Sl a 1 month. No inspector of pumps should | be without it. Page S79 Medical Helps for Young and Old,' tells how to prepare a salve which quickly heals the injured | skin, whether burned, bruised or torn across the knuckles. Page 564, The l Ready Letter Writer tells how to write 1 all kinds of letters-love letters. letters of l friendship or letters accepting or re- | signing public office. Page 1SS. History
 of Common Things gives the history of
 pumps, wells, hydraulic rams, ct cetery l from the earliest days, with pictures of Assyrian Egyptian and all other pumps 1 and working plans of their insides, which
 
 1 expert on the subject of pumps. Page
 45s The Guide to Practical Controversy l tells how to refute imputations. how to 1 give the lie direct and indirect
 The marshall who had listened to Eliph'
 Hewitt with growing interest, held up his ! wrench and shook his head.
 l ''Whoar he said. Now you're gettin' out of my class. l was gettin' interested | in that book. but now you ring in that lie-and-quarrel business and you don't hit me I ain't got no use for that
 "Yoa never can tell" said Eliph' Hew- lit with this book in his hand there is no telling how high a man that has 1 the appreciation of his fellow citizens may rise in public office. marshal may look forward to being a sherff when aided by | the wisdom of this Encyclopedia and Compendium, and a sheriff has become president. A president must know how to do everything known to man, and ev- erything known to man is In this book.