Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1907-11-05

First Turtle-Grandma is nearly AGO
years old and has lost all her teeth
second Turtle-Wcll, then. she has
soft snap.-Life.
Church-Dld you ever try any of
these close to nature methods: Goth
am-Well, I've used porous plasterl
Workers Statesman.
Madge-Is that writer really fa-
nous? Mariorie-He must be- my dear.
| wrote to him Cor his autograph, and
he never sent it.-PuckA
Short-There goes one OF my pre-
ferred creditors Long Why prefer
red? Short-He never asks me Tor
money.-Chlcago Daily News
She-Your last book was a success.
wasn't 1t? He--Yes She-The re-
views were so unfavorable l was al
most tempted to read Little.
Justin, here's DILL collector" call
ed Mrs wyss, "All right" replied
Mr.. Wyss from the library. Give him
all he can carry away" Leslie's
Weekly.
First Deaf Mute-If you objected 70
his kissing you, why didn't you CT for
help? Second Deaf Mute-I couldn't.
He was holding both my hands, -Har-
per's Weekly.
Hicks-Did you ever succeed In per-
suading your wife when she gets an
cry to count ten before she speaks?
Wicks-Yes. but she is very rapid
counter. Someryille Journal.
Il notice that YOU writer's use
great deal of tobacco. Does it stlmu-
late your brains?" Il don't know.
But it makes you forget that you're
hungry. cleveland Leader
Blanche-The most difficult thing Is
to make up ones mind what to take
and what to leave behind Henrietta
oh, don't think so. | take all my
frocks and leave my husband--R
Fifth grade next year, johnny"
~ es, SIR And you'll be in fractions
or declmals then, no doubt?' NO, sir;
I'll be In beadwork and perforated
squares. Washington I'd. c. Her
aid.
Poor mani" exclaimed the benevo-
lent old lady. And you say you have
no friends?' mo. madam replied
the weary wayfarer; Il used to be a
baseball umpire. Philadelphia Rec
ord.
Wigwag is your wife mad
about now? Henpecke-Her absent
mindedness. She was going to scold
me about something and she can't re-
member what it was.-Philadelphl
Record
Tell me-" said Miss Witherupp,
Mr. Newman remarked to you that
didn't show my age, didn't he?" "Nts
exactly; he said you were careful to
conceal it." replied Miss Frank.-phIl-
adelphla Press.
There are only seven miles Of rail-
road in operation in the whole of Per-
sia." TOO bad !" commented the Hon.
Thomas Rott. ut must be mighty hard
for a politician to make living IN
Persia. Puck.
Barber--Thank you, sir. | don't Oft
en- get my tip before | begin. I'm sure
appreciate Customer (who likes
ais hair cut in STENCIL don't want
you to consider that tip. It's hush"
money.-Punch.
Mrs. Dashaway-Yes, while we were
Egypt we visited the Pyramids. They
we're literally covered with hieroglyph-
cs. Mrs. Newrlch-Ughi Wasn't you
afraid some of 'em would git on you?
Philadelphia Record.
81 suppose remarked the dear girl,
that you do not believe in love at first
sight?" "Oh, yes, | do" rejoined the
Did bachelor. IF men were gifted with
second sight they would never fall in
e."-.Home Magazine.
They were in the parlor of n sum-
ner resort hotel. She-John, why do
7ou always occupy the piano stool when
you are in the parlor? Iou can't play
a note. He-No one else can. either.
while 1 sit -Harper's Weekly.
"Bnkins tells me he is getting aw-
fully tired of living alone" Il would
think he'd marry and settle down." 81
was talking with him about 1t the ether
day, and hei says he doesn't know
whether to get married or buy pho
nograph. Milwaukee Sentinel.
young man" said the merchant, Il
near you've been kicking because you've
got SO much to do" well, yes, sir"
replied the clerk, II do think that"
HIN! wen have to give you SO much
more to do hereafter that you WON'T
have time to kick" Philadelphia
Press.
A widow advertised for man to do
fdd Jobs, and when she arrived home
one evening she found young man
waiting to see her. We'll" said the
lady. 81 want a man to do odd Jobs
about the house and garden, to run err
rands, to wash my dog, and see to the
cats one that never answers back, and
is always ready to do my bidding" Gp
plieant: you are looking for a his
band, ma'am, not a servant. Good
evening."-London Spare Moments
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