Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1907-08-30
DRIFTwOOD
BY lUE r. VERNON
llN1kS dSl1NIN az. M. IN N.1Mi

kaAl1N1&aA1AlA 1lNz1AA A.102SE
When man earns his money he
never has any to burn.
Nothing in this world is so Scary
as dollar. unless it is two dollars.
Some of us who suffer with corns
all the time envy the man with a
wooden leg.
Like some other tricks, a bathing
suit is not u crime unless YOU are
caught in it.
Some men would rather lose 4
dollar on horse race than win it at
honest labor.
When you can see through wo-
man Sclothes they are worth all the
money they cost.
A comfortable thing about being
rich is you only get fined when you
ought to be put in Jail.
The Kansas wheat crop is not
short enough to prevent the usual
Supi t1SC Ill harvest IldIluS.
A Fairbanks cocktail would be
about as tall as an old-fashiOned beer
schooner with a faring top.
Cortelyou and Fairbanks would
make picturesque ticket-the fry
ing-pan and the refrigerator.
Many church ceremOnials are like
a fire crackcr-lots of noise, with a
measley little amount of good.
Though mightier than the
sword, the pen isn't circumstance
to the type-writer-O either kind
The tariff will be revised by the
Republicans as soon as snow storms
in July are common in this section.
Too often in these up to-now times
the wifc'S yearning capacity is larger
than the husbands earning capacity.
Some men are depicted as having
been great warriors who never fought
anything tlercer than flies, heas and
filth.
Some men are so small in bust
ness way that people do not care to
do business with them the second
time.
A gentleman is 4 male who never
crosses his legs in the presence of
ladies' unless he has on spotted
socks.
A suck of flour and a sack of pota-
toes will convert poor family
quicker than q carload of gospel
tracts.
The most rapid path to the mil
liOnaire class in Seattle. outside of
selling tide lots, is to own Il ten-cent
thelter.
A life on the ocean wave has its
flare-backS that leave the crew look
ing like Il bank whose cashier has
been specializing.
When man can't tell whether a
woman S hat is a new-fangled baby
carriage or u fancy lamp-shade, she
knows it is a success.
If the unwritten" law was writ
ten by some lawyers | know, the
country would be Us bad OFF us ever,
for nobody could read it,
BY pawning a blue-whitc diamond
as big as an apple one can raise
funds enough to buy sack of flour
and three thin slices of bacon. Dia-
mondS are up.
The public, since Haywood was ac-
Quilted, don't know there is such n
place as Boise. Idaho. Poor old
Boise has dropped back into oblivion,
without so much as a plunk.
The Louisville Courier-Journa1,
Henry Watterson, editor, says:
The whey-faced howlers for re-
form. A man has to be rather
angry to apply such epithets even to
an umpire.
Those who have seen them are
kind enough to tell newspaper men
that the so goldback is a very
handsome William-it is always po-
lite to speak respectful of distin-
guished strangers.
The restricted district of Seattle.
supposed to be the lowest part of
that town, is to be raised up thirty
feet, by till-in, thus boosting it up
to Il level with other Seattle indus
tries, apparently.
No more are we to say undertaken
or hOrSe-dOctOr. HencefOrth one
must say mortician" and "equinol-
ogist." Perhaps we must soon ask
for the kidneynutabean' when
wishing bag of peanuts.
Keep it out of the paper" is the
cry which local newspaper publisher
daily hears. To Oblige often costs
considerable, though the party who
make the request thinks the grant
ing scarcely worth saying thank
you" for.
Everybody knows that a Republi-
can is an always eruptive politician,
who believes in pie for himself and
family, pensions for all who ever
boosted for the flag and protection
for those who contribute to the cam
paign fund.
From the carnival of crimes in
New York and other large cities, it
would seem that this country might
very discreetly make some additions
to its exclusion" acts. The his
tory of the country has never before
recorded an epidemic of brutality half
SO revolving,
Governor Johnson, of Minnesota,