davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-20

House was that it said so over the door, and off at one side was a hitch rack where people could leave their Rigs while they were inside getting Stewed.
 Why did you close up your saloon and open road house in the same Building?" asked the Traveller of the former Agent of Ruin.
 Because a great many people who are too nice to go into a Saloon will stop at road house and load up on | Peaches for hours at time," was the reply. "The great purpose of the pres ent fastidious Generation is not to cut it out, but to do it in such a respecta- ble manner that one can get fine | large Package without being ashamed of it."
 Another year passed and when the I Traveller returned to the Village he | discovered that the Road House had become a Gentlemen's Riding and ! Driving Club. The Barkeep was no 1 longer a Barkeep, but was now the Steward, and on the wall were pictures of Horses.
 What Is the difference between a ! Road House and a club?" asked the l Traveller or the steward.
 "Oh, all the difference in the world" replied the Official At Road House you get loaded in a Road House, while at Club you get loaded at a Club. | You feel about the same at the cold gray Dawn of the morning after, but | the Family is rather proud to know that Father was at the Club the night before, whereas it would feel disgraced 1 to know that he had been sitting ] around in a common Drinking Place. ? When the Traveller paid his third return visit to the Town the club had disappeared and was now a Bicycle Rest. The Wheeling Craze had come in and the astute Proprietor had boy out in front to check the Bikes. The Patrons did not line up at the Bar as they do in Saloons. They sat at little Tables. The difference be- tween a Saloon and Bicycle Rest was that in Saloon the Lunch did not cost anything.
 The Manager of the high class Re- sort explained his System to the Trav- eller.
 q find that many persons who have been carefully brought up do not like  have it carried in from another Room. Why should I ruin my fellow man by giving 1t to him in Growler when I can serve 1t to him in Stein and get ten cents for it?"
 ''Then this is not a Retail Liquor Establishments" asked the old fogy Traveller, who was certainly getting acquainted with a new set of Curves.
 By no means, replied the Manager. "At Retail Liquor Establishment you cannot get your Tires blown up free of charge"
 When next the Traveller came along that way the Bicycle had died an awful death and was no longer used except by the Working Classes.
 He was afraid that possibly the Manager had gone hack into the Sa- loon Business. thereby spreading sor- row and desolation throughout the Community.
 But not so. When he strolled down to the corner he found himself at Q
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-20
Knack of Ordering a Meal.

Harriet Quimby in Lesfies Weekly.
 There is nothing that so quickly gains the respect of a waiter as a knowledge of how to order meal, an accomplish ment in which ninety-nine men out or every hundred are woefully lacking. Not long ago horse-show group or eight dropped into Broadway hotel for din- ner Money in plenty was evidenced by the jewels worn by the women and the general air of importance of the men, The waiter was all attention until the host of the occasion began to give his order, when the various expressions which passed in succession over the foreign countenances were a rare comedy. It was obviously a meal In which money was no object. yet there was pitiful ignor- ance of how to spend The meal began without a suggestion of cocktail. du- bonnet, or even sherry and bitters. Cham pagne was ordered to be brought With the oysters. The terrapin, oyster-crabs. white bait and the various fish niiets on the menu, in tempting and also expensive array. were passed. as were also fowi and game. The meal skipped from soup to English mutton-chops, naked potato. brussels sprouts. to meat salad and ice cream, and ended with another bot tie of champagne. The serving of that group was little less than painful to that waiter, who probably regarded the whole affair much as musician would series of discords He would much prefer to serve the chap that orders tremendously. if not lavishly, some rye bread, an onioA salad and; a glass of beer.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-20

stay at home an git ilicted Sheriff or Coroner or to some other office iv honor
 "Nayether side go tn betther iv tn other. It was a case all round iv dis posin iy what Armour wud call tn bye-product We made an Ambassa- dure to Europe iv what was left over afther tn nommynation iy a Congress- man. If he was goin' to England he must know tn name iv Shakespeare be heart an have an eye r-ready to leak at a mintion iv that great pote. Tn damp climate iv tn British Isles is due to a succission of American Ambassa- dures weepin at cornerstone layins an tn openin' iv libries. Whin tn time come to rayturn tn complimint ye'd r-read in tn pa-aper: Sir Ali Orkins, Consul at Coontown on tn East Coast, in disgrace with tn Governmint fir his attentions to lady that is consid- cred a sthrilxin' brunette even in sunny Africa. Tn Cabinet is determined to punsh him severely, an he has been apinted Ambassadure to tn United States He come over here an stayed a few years. His first act on landin' was to file a gin'ral demurrer to tn counuthry an it's inhabitants, which he filled out in detail later on. He wrote home to Chipping Norton firm time to time regrettin' that he had nawthin' to eat but canvasback ducks
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-20
BY GEORGE AIDE

liners in the World of Fashion would be gathered around small tables on the big veranda, and no matter how
 much they threw in it was all right,
 because they had Chauffeurs to load them up and take them home. l But how could the Traveller write about Ten Nights in a Barroom? If
 anyone had come along and called the place Barroom he would have been arrested by the Park Policeman who stood out in front to keep the Common People from rubbering at our un- crowned Kings and Queens. The. final visit of the Traveller was ! the one that put him down and out On the very Corner where once there had been Saloon, turing Strong Men | to Ruin, there was now a dandy big Hotel
 The man who had been merely a l Tough Barkeep was now in charge of very select Establishment which had no Barroom whatever, although 1t boasted a Palm Room and Rathskel- Ter and a Flemish Room and a Gentle
 mems Cafe, in any one of which you could have 1t opened up for you at any hour of the Day or Night, while those who could no longer sign their
 Names merely made signs at the Bell
 Hop.
 Also Ladies' Tea Room, where it
 was served in Cups, the same as Bouil- lon.
 The Owner of this Exclusive Hostel
 ry was President of the Local Associa- ton organized to prevent Saloons from
 coming into that part of Town. By years of good behavior he had lived
 down his early Reputation of having
 been engaged in the Liquor Business. The Old Traveller looked over the
 ground and threw away his Note Book. He found that he could not write aboIt
 Ten Nights in Barroom, because the
 Evil had been exterminated.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-20

i Irish Iceberg, the Pousse Cafe, the
 Brandy Float, the New Orleans Sour,
 the Royal Fizz, the Lexington Toddy
 and a lot more than Simon Slade never
 got on to or he wouldn't have lived to
 appear in the last Chapter of the
 Book.
 The Old Traveller went away good
 deal bewildered by the modern Frills
 and Trimmings that had been added
 to the simple old time method of get ting. Corned Up.
 He thought he had struck the Limit,
 but he had not, for when he went back | to the town once more the Vaudeville l Craze had come along.
 The former Barkeep had put up an
 Electric Sign to show that he was con
 ducting Theatre.
 The Traveller ascertained that the difference between a Garden and an
 Outdoor Theatre is that in Garden you hold the Drink in your Right Hand
 while listening to the Germans, where
 as in an Outdoor Theatre you hold it in 1 the Left Hand while watching the 1 Acrobats.
 1 He found that some of his old 1 Friends, who had been very much op- posed to the opening of Saloon in
 tAeir very midst, loved to stroll into the Pavilion on a summer night so as l to get their Minds off their Work. py this time everybody at the Table 1 had bought twice and the show had worked down toward the Moving Pie lures, every tired Business Man In the place had forgotten all about his work. A good many of them remembered | their names, however.
 The Traveller, who was revlsltlng
 the Town year after year to observe the devastation of the Saloon Evil, couldn't even get good seat or catch the eye of a Waiter.
 AS for the Saloon Evil, he learned that there was no Saloon in the Neigh borhood. The taxpayers were opposed to Saloons, although they had no ob- lection to a well conducted Temple of | Art where one might sit comfortably and get pie-eyed, pickled, saturated. spifflicated, sprung, ossified, petrified and lit up like Cathedral. He feared that he would be unable to write the true story of Ten Nights in Barroom without involving the en- | tire Social Life and mentioning the
 names of all those prominent in the | Learned Professions.
 1 Besides, he could no longer find the Barroom. The Stuff was now coming l from somewhere downstairs on a Dumb Waiter.
 1 Did he keep on going back, the same as the Traveller in the Book? Yes, for he liked to see a Good Show himself.
 and he found that he could drop in any time and order a Horses Neck and watch all the Nice Folks from the Res idence Streets hoisting the Bubbles
 without in any way compromising his 1 Reputation as Reformer. | About three years ago, when he vis-
 ited the Spot which had once been desecrated by the sale of ordinary Whiskey. he came across Garage
 with Repair Shop behind it. and learned that the Resort had taken on
 a new importance as an Inn for the entertainment of those who owned Touring Cars.
 On a pleasant evening all the Head
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-20
BY F. P. DUNNE

me eye on. That's th' on'y wan that don't protection firm tn Judiciary. But, annyhow, what difference does it make at all? Sure, who cares who's Ambassadure. Nanny years ago 1t was | divvtl iv job. Tn Ambassadure was part iv his own counthry thrans- planted. Whereiver he wint he was a walldn' United States iv America. If amy wan asked him what tn policy iv this counthry was, his answer was: I make it up as I go along 1t took about year f'r him to rapport amy thing he had done an another year to get tn reproof back. so he led free an riochous life, declared war, punched Prime Ministers in tn eye, an gin'- rally misbehaved himsilf, an no wan at home cared what he did. Be tn time they knew anything about it, 1t was old news an he was up to some other divilmint.
 "But now how is it2 Sure, an Am bassadure is about as vallyable as a tillyphone op'rator He has to make tn connictions, an if he listens or cuts in he's fined. He's 8 missinger an a slow wan, firm wan Governmint to another. He goes up to King with a sealed envelope an hands it to him with tn remark: Sign here. That night, maybe, a man raps at his dure an says: 'Ar-re ye tn fellow that brought tn message this mornin'?' T am,' says tn Ambassadude, hitchin' on his soord Then, I've come to tell ye to pack ye'er thrunk an go on tn eight flfty-five. Ye'er benighted Governmint has asked us to come outside if we dare, an we've wired thim that we dare.'"
 "I heerd Hogan say there was talk in tn English pa-apers iv goin' to war with us about Japan" said MT. Hen messy. "I'd like to see it. Dye think they will?"
 9Th English pa-apers," said MT. Dooley, Hike our own, ar-re conducted be renowned warryors. But, do ye think if there was on'y wan butcher shop in tn city I'd thry to wreck it?"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-20

fl SEE. said MT. Dooley, they've sint us new Ambassadure
 firm England. I don't invy tn poor man.
 isn't 1t a good job?s asked MT. Hen messy.
 1t used to be" said Mir. Dooley Ut used to be a fine job. if ye were tired an needed a rest. Nawthin' to do all day but kick because Joe Cannon was let into dinner ahead iv ye an decidin' wud ye wear tn green an yellow pants or tn pale blue knee brooches to tn White House. Hogan says he see tn diplomats togither wan time in Wash'nton. Thar war a few white men among thim, but tn rist looked like a muster iv tn Knights iv tn Goolden Statr (colored) on Emancy- patton Day.
 Tn thim good old times tn foreign nations sint us f'r a diplomat some thing they culdn't use at home, an we sint thim tn same an nanny iv thim. They shipped us tn mimber iv noble but rayjooced family with mustache that looked well on parade but bad in tn coffee, an had a fine flow iv con versation jist tn same as door post. We handed thim back a distinguished statesman who owned a clothing store an foorteen votes an no more in tn Thirtieth Congrissyonal Disthrict iv IoWay. If he had amy more votes he d
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-20
TEEN NIGHTS IN A BARROOM"
6.o.c.o.o.o.o.c.o.o.o.c o.c.
s.o.c~c.c.cs.E.E,.c.
Copyright, 1906, by George Ade) (N NCE there was Traveller whC

Copyright, 1906, by George Ade.) NN NCE there was Traveller who
 just about the time that Gen tleman who had grown too strong to work was opening place for the sale of Wines, Liquors and Cigars.
 Nobody ever saw the Wines, but he had very fine stock of old Sour Mash made out of Wood Alcohol, Prune Juice and Cayenne Pepper.
 We are told in the popular Standard Work by T. S. Arthur that the Travel Ter came back to the. town about year after and then a year after that and SC on until he had kept tab on the Thirst Parlor for about ten years. He saw a good many of the Best People ill the village go to the bad one after another as the Rum Fiend managed to get a side hold on them.
 Perhaps you have seen the Drama which has been done in every Town Hall in North America. You will re- member how Simon Slade, who was a handsome leading man in the first act with his hair neatly combed and tail or-made Suit, kept going against the Pink Stuff until in the last act he had an awful case of the Willies and was throwing Furniture at the Soubrette.
 This book gives the liquor traffic a hard Planning. It points out the fact that any one who dallies with the Els ' sence for any length of time will end up with a Sheriffs Sale or the D. IT.
 This same Traveller who tells about the old time Groggery and the former generation of Lushers, who drank Med ford Rum instead of Mamie Taylors, happened into another Town only a few years ago.
 It was a thriving little Suburb, not far removed from great City. The Peaceful Residents would squat in front of the Hardware Store for hours at a time. laying out work for the Ad- ministration at Washington. A Grab Social was the limit of Revelry, al though there was some excitement whenever a Medicine Show came along.
 Into this drowsy little Hamlet came a Barkeep with a Black Mustache. He had convinced the authorities that he possessed a good Moral Character and so he was given License to sell, bar ter or give away duyiHlHS lldl COulu be kept in a Bottle without burning holes in the Glass.
 He rented a Corner from one of the Pillars of the Church who needed the Money and fitted up a Swell Joint. The Furnishings included an Ice Box with silver handles and a picture of John L. wearing his Diamond Belt.
 The Traveller was mighty sorry to see this Pitfall planted right in the heart of a Community where so many prominent Business Men could find time to go in and shake the Box and feed nickels into the Slot Machine. He knew that within few years all of them would be confirmed Drunkards of the kind seen in the Tableaux at the School Entertainments.
 But what do you think? When the Traveller happened through the Town a year or so later the Saloon had dis appeared from the corner and in its place was a very attractive road house. The reason he .kneNzit was a Road
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-20
.c.o.o.o.o.o-o-o.o.o. .o.o.o-o.c.a.o.o.o.o-o
Mr. D00ley's Philosophy \

ball, dash back to tn panthry an fetch me another slice iv this here pie, an be quick about 1t, or I'll blow ye'er black head off. That was unpleasant, but tn life ginrally was a cheerful wan, an If they eud read tn pa-apers they often knew what they were doin'.
 But tis all changed now. Tn Am bassadure has no snap. He's got to keep thrained to tn minnyit, an whin he goes up to tn White House he wears flghtin' thrunks undher his uny- form an carries tennis bats, fencin' masks, wrestlin' togs, an boxin' gloves in his bag. Whin tn Prisidint come
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-20

ing, and many a Citizen of Spotless Reputation, who never leaned his Chest against mahogany slab in his whole life, comes here and sits under a Tree to listen to Vogner and gets piped to the Gills. l have to run this kind of Place in order to get the quiet Family Trade, The boys tap a fresh Keg every eight minutes, and am being backed by Trolley Com pany, the Directors of which are so conscientious that they never would support an ordinary Booze Head quarters"
 The old Traveller thought that he had known a few things about the Curse of Alcohol, but he found himself guessing.
 q am getting new line on the crowning Evil of our Age" said he. Tt seems that the Habit is compara-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-20

Summer Garden. The Back Yard had been sprinkled with Gravel and was tastefully decorated with Evergreen Trees growing in Tubs.
 A bunch of Heinys sat on the Stage at one end of the Garden and tore off Ragtime, while Otto and Louie and several other members of the Union jumped from one table to another serving High Balls, Rickeys and Rem sen Coolers.
 'I am sorry to see that you are still peddling the accursed stuff which men shoot through the Oesophagus to steal away their Brains" said the Traveller, who still had some of his antiquated prejudice against Strong Drink.
 You are dead wrong" replied the Proprietor. q am now the Director of an Amusement Enterprise. We play Classical Music every Thursday Eyen-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-20

Former fav'rite Ambassadures ar-re secretly delighted with tn change, but there ar-re fears that important divil- opmints may follow Tn Jap'nese Min ister has not been himsilf since he taught tn Prisidint jiuj jitsoo, anAwas severely cut be tn glass iv skylight through which he was thrown. Tn Fr-rinch Ambassadure may go home an his Governmint Is negotyatin' with a prom'nin handball player. Tn Swedish Governmint will make an at timpt to have Hackenschmitt riprisint Sweden at Wash'ntotn. Last night tn Prisidtnt was in an especially jolly
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-20
MR. nooLY ON DIPLOMACY


| an terryppin, an that ye cuddn't find amy viggytable marrow, let alone wrinkles, in this degraded counthry. Afther awhile he sit down an sint a letter iv advice on American pollyticks to an innocint searcher afther tn truth in tn imploy iv a campaign comity, an thin he was allowed to go home be tn first bot.
 Well, Sir, twas cam an beautiful life they led. Nawthin' to worry thim but tn question iy dhress an Joe Can non always beatin' thim to tn vitals. They niver were able to git in first. They thried to thrip him up, but he
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-20

lively harmless if you listen to music while teaing up."
 In all of his writings on the subject of Rum Selling he had described a reeking, low class Tavern, where will lainous looking Men sat at. the Rough Tables and poured down fiery Bever- ages until they were crazed, after which they went home to murder their Relations.
 Instead of which he now found some of the swellest married couples repre- sented in the Blue Book holding in formal Receptions and cutting into the Grape.
 Nobody seemed to crave Rum, but there was certainly fierce demand for the cool Bronx Cocktail, the inn ported German Stuff with the foamy Collar on it, the tall kind with Grass growing out of the Tumbler, the little
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-20

fl SEE, said MT. Dooley, they've U sint us new Ambassadure
 ! firm England. I don't invy tn
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1907-12-02
ON LAW ENFORCEMENT.

(DGllC ldlHS oIl1oll'I
There is not subdivision of the
government from the school district
to the federal department OF justice
in which there is not more or less
legal sidestepping. Iowa has COM
pulsory school law which says 1T is
the duty of the school board to see
that all children of the required age
are in school, Are they there
There is a local board of health in
every town and township in the
state whose duty it is to see that the
public health is safeguarded. Arc
they all diligent in the discharge OF
their duty? The law says that the
treasurer of every incorporated town
shall publish a complete financial
statement annually and that the
treasurer of independent school dis
tricts shall do likewise. How many
do it? It is not lawful in Iowa tc
labor on Sunday How many make
up the time lost saving the country
on week days by working on Sunday
One might continue indefinitely
along similar lines but these citations
are sufficient to show that 1t is moi
so much a general demand that al
laws be enforced that is at the bot
tom of the present agitation as 1t is
an effort to enforce certain laws in
more or less spectacular manner
The mulct law ought to be enforced
in every county in the state, not il
Scott county alone. Neither shoule
| the mulct law be singled out for en-
fofcement rather than other statute!
which have been treated with more
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1907-12-02
CONDITIONS AT HOME.
(Tama Herald.)

(lafla fteTalu)
Nor is it necessary in discussing this
question to keep our attention too
closely riveted on Davenport. The sit
uation is sufficiently deplorable indhat
city to warrant extended editorial
comment but is it not proper for
newspaper published in Tama county
to devote it's attention to conditions
nearer at hand?
Bootleggers and "holes in the WALL
are doing business turnout the county.
| Is 1t too much to hope that the proper
officials, even tho their dereliction Ut
duty may have reached that point
where it is public scandal may turn
owe. new leaf and fearlessly do the
work entrusted to them?
1t is up to them and it may not be
out of place to warn them that the
eyes of the people are opened to offic-
fal negligence as never before and
that wave of sentiment for the en-
forcement Of law is sweeping over the
country that cannot be stayed by lip
service and perfunctory parade of
personal pulchritude.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1907-12-02
"AG1N THE GOVERNMENT"
Des Moines Tribune.)


In the face Of industrial depression
and reduced wages, the bloated mon
opolists who are permitted by a too
lenient government to corner the live
stock market are advancing the price
of their products and adding to the
burdens of the poor
Hogs have been steadily declining
in price during the past two weeks.
They cost the packer an average of
five cents a pound and he asks the
retailer eight cents a pound. Cattle
sold for s6.4O in October, but now
the farmer gets only $3.50; and yet
the repacious packers continue to adj
vance prices to the butcher.
1t is said that the packers retire
money from circulation by drawing
it from the banks. The money strin-
gency thus produced forces the farm
ers to sell at the reduced prices be-
cause he needs money and cannot get
it from the banks. The butchers de-
clare they dare not purchase much
meat from the Independent packers or
the big fellows in the trust will refuse
to sell to them.
If the government would manifest
as much solicitude for the common
people as it does for few gamblers
in Wall street, we might hopefully
look for some legislation that would
effectually control the meat trust. AS
it is today, there is no opportunity by
which the poor consumer can secure
a square deal How much longer the
people will submit to this system of
robbery remains to be seen. But party
leaders would do well to SIT up and
listen.