Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1907-02-07


jaws distended and fangs protruding.
With lightning rapidity he directs the
fangs to the point of attack The fangs
are hollow muscular tissue growing
from two glands placed ON either side
of the head
Her--Do you speak any language
other than the mother tongue?
Him-No. And L never expect to
be able to talk like moi ne, ~
Mabel-Oh, no; he hadn't the lace
to even try to kiss me-,
Stella-Perhaps you didn't have the
check to tempt him.
T Hello, old man! You're
looking blue. What's up?
Wedderly (gloomily)-The price of
coal.
elias the new minister any business
abalitv:"
Il should say So He held us up for
$500 more than we offered him"
"Blfggins is an extremely selfish
man."
NO" answered the charitable per-
son, "he isn't selfish. He is merely a
subjective reasoner. He can't under
stand, when he has all the roast tur-
key and pie he wants, why every one
else should not be perfectly happy"
From the cathedral tower at Ant
werp eighty bells have for over 200
years rung out music for the benefit of
the people living on the green fields
which border the Scheldt. Once a
year. in the month of February, the
authorities select the music, and the
organ plays every hour.
"What was the cause of young Will.
kims and Mabels engagement being
broken?"
He got too economical"
SIN what way?"
Began sending her unsealed love
letters bearing 1-cent stamp
waukee Sentinel.
What? You never have picked the
wrong horse in racer"
NO, sir. I never have" insisted the
man with the whiskers.
"Then all can say is that you're
wonder.''
"Oh, no: ] nc.e. tied to pick the
right one"
Do not tamper with pimples, but just
leave them to the care of this applica-
ton: Carbolic acid, fifteen drops; borox.
sixty grains; glycerin, four fluid
drains; tannin, thirty grains; alcohol,
ono fluid ounce; rose water, two and
half fluid ounces. Mix and dissolve.
Apply night and morning.
A machine that will hurl coal into
the fireboX of a locomotive Mt the rate
of 200 shovelfuls Il minute, if neces-
sary, will tighten the labor of the fire
man on many of the engines of the
Northwestern road. An order has
been placed for 100 of these mechani-
cal stokers, at a cost of S35O.0O0.
Kind Lady-It is no use for you TO
ask for cold pie at this gate again.
The last tramp who was here ted me
all about your reputation.
Gritty George-Ye gods, An to
think de men wild dc muck rate should
show up in our profession. too."-Cli-
cago Daily News.
A woman's character and powers are
finest about 40 \ woman has gained
everything at 20 and lost nothing: she
is at the full vigor of her intellectual
powers; she has acquired experience
and judgment and is not far enough
away from youth to have unsym-
pathetic even to its widest vagaries.
If the swartly gentleman from
Italy who sold us warm cllestnuts at
the corner of East Water and Michi-
gan streets yesterday will call at this
Office we will gladly return him the
one good one we found ingthc bunch.
He should have been more CAREFUL
Milwaukee Sentinel.
ir.ts en- sponge Cake. g-r7a
Aiys. Tom L.. johnson, discussing
the other day tic school of household
science that she is helping to found in
Cleveland, said:
No Cleveland girl, after "A course in
our school, would ever make the mis-
take that Il young bride made last
Thanksgiving.
This young bride, after serving to
her husband Thanksgiving dinner
that was $3.50. said, as the dessert OF
mince pie was brought:
i intended, dear, to have some
sponge cake, too, but it has been Il
total failure.'
How was that| the husband
asked in a disappointed tone, for he
was found Of sponge cake.
"'rhe druggist she explained, sent
me the wrong kind of sponges.' -
Indianapolis Star.
"Now, there's Tommy Brown" said
Willie's mother. I'm sure he likes to
go to Sunday school,
Il guess he does" replied Willie,
"the way lie talks about it,
Why what does he say?'
He calls it Sabbath school, -
Houston Post.
Mrs. Closefist-It's too bad that /,
like most women, have no head for
figures.
Closefst-well, suppose you had?
Mrs. Closefst-Oh, then might be
able to tell you what did with that
dollar you gave me three weeks ago.
Cleveland Plaindealer.
Senator, l suppose you would spurn
a large bride with hauteur?'
My boy, are you looking for study
in hauteur?'
"Yes, SIR"
"Fhen you should see me in the act