Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1907-08-08
Too Enthusiastic.
by MAX ADELER.


our county appointed Mr.. Slingsby
assessor and tax collector. The prin-
cipal characteristic of Mr.. Slingsby
Is enthusiasm. He has an idea that
whenever a man gets anything new
1t ought to be taxed, and he is al
ways on hand to perform the service.
l had about fifteen feet added to one
of my chimneys last spring, and when
1t was done Slingsby called and as
sessed it, under the head of "im-
proved real estate" at eighty dollars,
and collected two per cent. on 1t. A
few days later, while l was standing
by the fence, Sllngsby came up and
said:
Beautiful dog you have there!"
"Yes, it's setter"
Indeed! A setter, hey? The tax
on settlers is two dollars. I'll collect
it now, while l have it on my mind. "
settled the obligation, and about
three weeks later Slingsby came
around again. He opened the con-
versation with the remark:
BILLY Jones told me down at the
grocery store that your setter had
had pups"
"Yes"
"A large litter?"
-Four"
"Indeed! Less see--tax Is two dol
lars; four times two is eight-yes,
eight dollars tax, please, And hurry
up, too, if you can, for they have
new batch of kittens over at Bald
wins, and | want to ketch old Bald
win before he goes out. BY the way,
when did you put that weathercock
ON your stable?"
Yesterday
"You don't say! Well, hold on,
then. Four times two is eight, and
four-on the weathercock, you know
is twelve. Twelve dollars is the
exact amount"
What dc you mean by four dollars
tax on weathercock? never heard
of such thing"
Didn't, hey? why, she comes in
under the head of scientific appar-
atus.' She's put up there to tell
which way the wind blows, isn't she?
Well. that's scientific intelligence,
and the apparatus is liable to tax
Mr.. Slingsby, that Is the most alb
surd thing l ever heard of. You
might just as well think of taxing
Butterwick's twins.
"Butter- You don't mean to
say Butterwick has twins? Why, GER
tainly they're taxable. They come
in under the head of 'poll-taX.' Three
dollars a piece. I'll go right down
there. Glad you mentioned it."
Then | paid him and he left with
Butterwick's twins on his memo
randum-book.
A day or two afterward Mr.. Slings.
by called to see me, and said:
"I've got a case that bothers me
like thunder. You know Hough, the
tobacconist? Well, he's just bought
a new wooden Indian to stand In
front of his store. Now, | have
strong feeling that ought to tax
that figure, but l don't know where
to place it. Would it come In as
'Statuary?' Somehow that doesn't
seem exactly the thing. was going
to asses it under the head of Idols
but the blamed idiots who got UP this
law haven't got word in 1t in refer.
ence to idols. Think of that, will
you! Why, we might have paganism
raging all over this country, and we
couldn't get cent out Of them. Ia
"a put that Indian under craven i'm.
ages only they amt mentioned
either. s'pose I could tax the bun
die of wooden cigars in his fist as
tobacco but that leaves out the resi-
of the figure, and he's not liable to
poll-tax because he can't even vote,
Now, how would it strike you If |
levied on him as an Immigrant?
He was made somewheres else than
here, and he came from there, conse.
uuently he's an immigrant. That's
my view. What do you think of IT,
I advised him to try 1t upon that
plan: and the next morning Mr.,
Slingsby and Mr.. Hough had fight
on the pavement in front of the In.
dian, because Mr.. Slingsby tried to
seize the immigrant for unpaid taxes,
Slingsby was sent to jail for larceny
and the business of collecting taxes Is
temporarily suspended.-New YORK
Weekly. -..--..-...