The Leon reporter. (Leon, Iowa) 1887-1930, 1907-07-18

A Meteorological Paradox


the funniest people you ever saw in
your life. They weren't four men or
four women nor two men and two wo-
men, but three men and woman.
Each of the three men was funnier
than the other two, and the woman
was funnier than the three men to-
gether You should have seen her.
twenty-five degrees, the other down at
an angle of thirty She could look serious
and sympathetic out of the one eye
and Historically diabolical out of the
other. She had ravenish croak and a
sweet melody in her voice, SO that no
one could tell whether she meant to be
pleasant or disagreeable. Sometimes
she would say pleasant things to you
looking at you with her sympathetic
eye and sometimes say diabolical things
looking at you with her sympathetic
eye. So nobody ever knew what she
was driving at
The first of the three men was Mr..
Bantam, husband of the above describ-
ed lady. Everybody said the name
was very appropriate, for Mr.. Bantam's
face wore the perpetual grin of ban
tam rooster. Next came Mr.. Guyer, a
theoretical mathematical prodigy. Like
Sir Isaac Newton, who made large
and small hole in his door for his
big and little cat to come through,
Guyer didn't stoop to consider petty
contrivances. He once had an alarm
clock which failed to wake him up in
the morning. Somebody finally called
his attention to the fact that it hadn't
any bell. The third man was Mr.. Mer-
ryweather, real noble, good man."
as one of his women friends express
ed it. Indeed, he was so good and no
BILE that he couldn't conceive of any
one being wicked. And thereby hangs
this tale.
One Sunday morning Merryweather
and Guyer went to see Mr.. and Mrs.
Bantam, who were at church. The two
men sat on the veranda waiting till
the services should be over and the
couple, recharged, like an electric auto
mobile, with goodness, should return.
The weather was betwixt and be-
tween, and when Merryweather said
it was warm Guyer, who was great
disputant declared it was cold. Pres
emily Mr.. and Mrs. Bantam returned,
Mrs. Bantam welcoming Guyer with
her sympathetic eye and Merryweath-
err with her diabolic eye, then passing
into the house The dispute about the
weather was referred to Bantam, who
concluded to refer it to the thermome.
ter, which he brought from the house.
He showed it to Merryweather, who
was surprised to see record of so de-
grees. He was much pleased to be vim.
dicated, but hadn't expected so trium-
plant vindication.
Then Mrs. Bantam came out and, re-
garding her husband and Guyer with
her sympathetic eye and the good Mr..
Merryweather with her diabolic eye,
made some modest remarks on the
weather herself, in which she main
tanned that it was growing colder
After having established her point, at
least with Bantam and Guyer-Mrs.
Bantam always established her point;
| people were afraid that if they dis
| agreed with her she would bring her
| diabolic eye on them-she went back
into the house with the thermometer.
Presently Bantam went inside to get
| the thermometer again, and when he
/ brought it out it had fallen 20 degrees.
| Merryweather couldn't understand how
| so decided change should have oc-
Cured in so short time without his
feeling it. Guyer suggested that there
was something the matter with him
| Merryweather was frightened He
thought he had better go home.
Mrs. Bantam came out again, bring
ing the thermometer with her and .sug-
| costing that something must be the
matter with it. 1t had gone up again.
This treasured Merryweather, who was
of too sweet a disposition to speak his
thoughts, which were that Mrs. Ban
tam had probably read the scale first
with her lower, then with her upper
eye. But as there were As degrees be.
tween the two eyes this didn't explain
the smaller difference. However, he
decided to wait awhile before conclud-
ing that he had chills and fever. The
consequences might have been averted
had not Bantam handed round slim
1 ulant A few minutes after Merry
weather had drained his glass Mrs
Bantam came out with the thermome.
ter again standing at 60 degrees Then
Merryweather was sure he had the
fever of pneumonia. A sympathetic
curve appeared on the left hand corner
of Mrs. Bantam's mouth as she re.
marked that it came on that way.
| Merryweather was helped into the
4 house and placed on a lounge Occa.
sionally he would resume normal
bodily temperature, but whenever he
did so one of his three friends would
show him thermometer antipodal tc
his condition. If the mercury stood
low when he was hot he thought he
was In fever. If it stood high when be
was cool he assumed that he had 8
chill. In this way his loving friends
kept working on his Imagination and
through his Imagination on his body
till he got up and went home to die