davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
CALLS THEM CHILDISH.
Not Impressed by "'MOst Beautifur'
and "MOSt Popular" Contests.

Not Impressed by "MOst Beautiful"
and 'MOSt Popular" Contests.
From the Kansas City Times
Not TO discount the beauty Of the young
St Louis woman who has been adtudged.
in some sort Of a newspaper competition.
70 be the most beautiful woman in Mis-
souri,. the fact remains that mighty few
entries are made or ever have been made.
in such contests. Missouri has so many
beautiful women that no jury Of men
could be found TO determine which is the
most lovely, and as for jury Of women
well. you can readily see what would
happen in case Of an attempt to reach a
verdict by that process Not long ago i'm
New York there was a big contest To
determine who was the most popular
actress in the United States The winner
was young woman VINO had made a hit
In New York musical show. but had
never been heard OF outside Of that CITY
until she was given the most popular
rank. Just for the sake of completeness
her name would be repeated here If il had
not already been forgotten. What a lot
Of children We are 10 take part in these
most beautiful" and most popular"
games,
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
Honesty of Bank EMPLOYEES.

An example Of the danger Of a too wide
generalization from a too narrow set Of
facts is afforded by assertions that the
populations Of bank clerks are growing
more numerous. and that the total of
such thefts is very considerable. so large.
indeed. that the facts are hushed I'D by
bank directors. Disturbed By these asser-
lions, and fearful of their effect upon de-
positors, New York bankers have taken
steps to cOunteract them by means Of
statistics, which viii show that the an
nual peculauons Of the men who handle
the greater portion Of the country's
wealth are less than 1-l0OO0 Of 1 per cent
or an almost inflnitesimal proportion Of
the total In fact, it Is said by some
fnanciers that zero would more nearly
represent the actual percentage Of losses
sustained through peculation. in proper
ton to the total amount of wealth
handled during the past decade.
When, as In the Runyan case, a bank
employe gets away with $4,000. the public
easily imagines that something is wrong
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
Europenn View of the sInpeuver

From the New York Evening Post.
European newspapers, now to hand. all
look upon the proposed cruise OF the
American battle ships 10 the Pacific as
nothing less than a menace TO Japan
and as gravely intensifying the crisis be-
heved to be, existing between the two
countries. They are so unkind, too. as 70
comment rather unfavorably upon the
way in which the move was announced,
the Executive wabbling, and the differ
ence between Loeb's statements and those
Of Mr. Metcalf. who is we believe, still
connected with the Navy Department
But the consensus Of European opinion
was that there would be no war just now,
and in this the foreign editors were quite
correct
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
Heavy Imports Under High Tariff.
From the Boston Transcript.

IRON the Boston Transcript.
France cannot invoke 50 much indigna-
ton against the American tariff as she
would like to. in her demand for a com
mercial treaty as good as Germany's.
The truth is that America bought so. COO
600 worth more OF French merchandise
last year than the year before. The
American people, having had money to
spend have INDUCED their taste for the
beautiful products Of the Gallo arts, par
ticularly automobiles. Prosperity some
times makes a strange mock Of the most
ingenious tariff calculations. Under the
relative free trades Of the Gorman-Wu-
son act Of 1894 and 1857. our imports OF
foreign merchandise were about one-haIf
OF what they are now.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
Nntnre Fnkes BInckIinfed.

From the indianapolis News.
After a careful and impartial consider
alton of all the evidence bearing on the
subject. the investigating committee re.
ports that, notwithstanding their lona
life and apparent responsibility, the fol
lowing are undoubtedly nature fakes:
The bull In the china shop.
The wolf az the door
The fy in the ointment.
The dog IN the mangoT.
The fish ont Of water.
The bee in the bonnet.
The fea in the ear.
The rat that was smelled.
The chorus girls lobster.
Pigs IN clover
Horse and horse.
Time flies.
The welsh rabbit
The man On a lark.
They are accordingly deleted from the
White House phrase book. and viii re.
ceive no further official recognition
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
LITERARY REALISM.

think I'll write an ocean yarn, and put
in lots Of CUFF
About the lee hawse bobstay gaffs and
all that sort Of stuff.
For sailor terms are quite the thing, as
publishers agree,
And serve to give a salty twist TO stories
OF the sea.
So let the main brace fiutter high from
off the mizzen peak
Twill go TO prove that / am long on
nautical technique.
The lObscOuse jibs, the capstan boom,
are shipping terms. b'gee,
And serve to give a tarry twang 10 sto-
Ties of the sea
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25

From the Euxine sheltered is a vale where grows
Above the spring a leaning laurel tree.
Fran which pendant nymph Ia frolic glee
Touches the geld pool with timorous toes.
Her sisters. challenged BY the shells where flows
The gushing wave they sport with i0yuusiy.
Plunge deep and from the foam a hip CLEANS free
And from bright locks bust OF bosoms rose
The great. dark wood is filed with mirth divine
Sudden. two eyes within the shadow shine.
The Satyr lis His laugh ienumhs their
play:
And for5h they dart. So. a. Crows III CITY.
Csyster's snowy swans IN Wild array
Above the river all distracted fy
Edward Robson Taylor lnoS Mayor VI san Fran
ciscOl,
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
More Pnx for the soldier.

frum The ChicagO Post.
If one of the coming billion dollar Con-
crosses will vote adequate pay to the
American enlisted man the problem Of
enlistment and the problem of desertion
will be solved. The men won't fight any
better than they do now They can't. nor
can any man. for It is not in him. When
II comes to the pinch OF the fight there
is nothing the matter with the army.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
sam small Quotes President.

Sam Small is making a round of the
Chautauquan circuit as usual. He lee
tured at Wyandot. near Kansas City, not
long ago and told his hearers that the
President had said to him: Small. down
in my heart I am a Benton Democrat, -
and that he became Republican through
stress Of Circumstance, having been
brought up in a district sOlidly Republic
can, and which was ruled by a boss who
was absolute dictator Mr. Small further
quoted the President as saying that he
absolutely would not be a candidate for
reelection for two reasons: First. because
he wants TO be a Senator from New York
and second. because he would not try to
combat the ant-third-term custom. He
said that the argument that he had really
been elected President but once had no
force with him, and that If conditions re
manned the same as they are at present
he will not be a candidate. It is very
evident that the President took Mr. Small
into his confidence more fully than he has
taken others OF his great and good
friends.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
Pnstnoned IssueH

From the Providence Journal
No immediate government ownership
for Mr.. Bryaa, but some time instead.
That is the position OF the President
on tariff revision, which coincidence
seems to strengthen the charge that
Mr.. Roosevelt's and Mr. Bryan's politico-
mental equipment was furnished from the
same factory.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
JUST FROM GEORGIA. "
From the Atlanta Constitution.
THE BILL FOR BILLVILLE,

Amt many bills from BnlvIlle-the county
seat o Bill;
The old ten-dollar fellers are the bills
were wantin still,
But even a dollar bill would do: we're
never hard TO please;
The weathers mighty hot now, an a
d0llard raise a breezei
These bills that keep EN- talkin from
the morn!n' 10 the night
Amt jest the bills we're wantin fer
the valleys o. delight
Take all yer speechifyin, an you'll find
US askin' still
Fer the old-time, interestln'. Uncle sam
ten-dollar BILL
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
Alien Lawbreakers.

From the New York Times.
1t is well for the educated Italian
Americans TO take active steps toward
making the people Of their mother coun-
try who flock here understand and respect
our laws, and the Armenans and Greeks,
as far as possible should do likewise. 1t
is a bad sign when Americans become
alarmed about foreign immigration.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
The Backwoods Humorist.

rs this land for sale?"
Don't you see the sign?''
rs it good land?"
Three churches on IL"
You're funny. amt your"
Not me. I'm Johnson"
mean, you think you're sharpT"
The geewhillikins. man. How kin be
Sharp when I'm Johus0n?"
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25

From the Philadelphia Record
But Il the pleas for protection were
entirely valid, what greater iniquity in
public finance could be conceived than
to gather, by exorbitant taxes on imports.
q Treasury surplus for which legislative
extravaganza can hardly find objects OF
expenditure?
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
His Fitness for ONCE.

An old negro heavyweight applied for
service with the government.
What are your qualifications he was
asked.
My qualifications
Yes"
We'll subj" he said. muffin mo ne'r
less than des dat I'm ali wool en- a
yard Widet"
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
THE UNCERTAIN BROTHER.

You hide in de stormplt
Wen de tempest come in view,
En- here come de airthquake!-
He growl. en- swaller you.
You climb ter de housetop
Wen de ragin' river rise.
En- here come de harricane
En- blow you ter de skies
Sich a worr er trouble,
/ never see de like!
Dey never is no tellin'
Whar dc iightnin gwine ter strike!
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
ARE YOU GOING AWAY?

Subscribers who leave the city
temporarily should have The
Washington Herald mailed TO
them. Addresses Will be changed
as often as requested. You cane
not keep fully informed about
affairs In Washington unless
your paper follows you.
Before leaving, mail or teIe-
phone your address TO this Of
fee.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
Janan's Maritime Enterprise.

tFum the New YORK sun.
The traveller may sail from a Pacific
Coast port. travel many thousands of
miles. visit many different countries. land
finally in England, and make the entire
trip on japanese steamers Of large size
and most comfortable equipment
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
Aroused.

John, went to see that new doctor. &"
lymph"
He treats by suggestion"
And he suggested a trip 10 Europe for
you, hey?" snarled the other half of the
sketch, with a baneful glare.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
An ODD Fnct-

I've noticed a queer thing about comic
opera mothers
What's that?"
They always have two daughters. one
Of which invariably sings soprano and
the other cuntralto."
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
CIothed with Immnnitr-

From the New York World
The pure white clothes suddenly affected
by Jim" Hill are, of course, the garb of
conscious innocence. We fear that the
best Mr. Hartman could boast would be
an immunity outfit.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
In Michigan.

From the Grand Rapids Herald
One Northern resort hotel man closed
the house because work on II had not
been competed. Had he not mentioned IT
his boarders probably would never have
known the difference.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25

The New York Sun says pie is unknown
in New York. We do not believe it.
There are many politicians up there who
can show large slices Of lemon pie ten.
deTed them by Gov. Hughes.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25

A New York waiter threatened to blow
up the establishment unless he was im-
medlately paid $500. The tipping system
in New York seems TO have reached the
same stage of perfection as the grating
system in PENNSYLVANIA
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25

Perhaps the muck-rakers think they
may proceed without fear that Mr. Fair
banks will get hot about it. but they
may be mistaken in their estimate OF that
gentleman's temperature under just prov
ocatIon.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25

The hero OF Henry James new novel,
The Prevaricator." is said TO be first
rate fellow As much may be said OF
many members OF the Ananlas Club.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
An ObIiging Creditor.

Here's the devil TO pay again. he
said
Don't worry, dear" said the wife.
I was talking 10 our preacher only
the other day. and he said he was sure
the devil would wait on your
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25

Come on, peek-a-boo, we are waiting
for you" sings the erstwhile profoundly
grave Charleston News and Courier And
yet that paper used TO stand so straight
on its dignity that it was in constant dan
ger of falling over backward
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
Great Day for the Cows.

The cows are in your corn. colonel &"
Let 'em eat it, said the colonel. Two
revenue men have collared my moon
shine distillery, and the legislature is
tryin' 20 run the whole State dryr'
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25

Japan has cultivated the warm friend
ship" Of Turkey by rather strenuous
methods. The little brown men will hardly
make the mistake Of imagining tina,
Uncle Sam has any such taste for ulti-
matums as Turkey has.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
One yYnr Ont of II

Prom The New YORK Herald
The governor Of North Carolina may
be able to set out of tight box by re-
peating to the President ar observation
which he once made to the governor Of
South Carolina.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25

with banking methods; but the rarity Of
such thefts, and the exceedingly small
proportion which their total bears to the
total Of banking transactions. prove quite
the contrary. The banks. in fact, take
every precaution against dishonesty and
.carelessness. and the facts. when viewed
from the wider standpoint. show that
banking employees occupy a very high
rank In the scale of business integrity.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25

A California woman wants a divorce
because her husband demands pumpkin
pie three times day the year round
That's what she might have expected
when she married a New England man
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25

From the Milwaukee Sentinel
Mr. Roekefellers failure to collect that
witness fee may have been his delicate
way Of tipping the government.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25

The Milwaukee Sentinel dominates
Harry Orchard for the Cain Club. Beside
Orchard, Cain was an amateur: but. of
course the supply of raw material upon
which 10 operate was scarcer in Gains
time.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25

Can any one put his finger on an issue
that Mr.. Bryan will stand by?" asks the
Menasha (Wis.) Record. Yes, indeed; the
anti-Roger Sullivan issue.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25

why don't you give better values?
You could make more money by TT
My friend" responded the eminent
trust magnate, there is something in
life besides money. II interests me 10
note how little people demand in ex-
change for their hard-earned coin"
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25

Miss Alice Greenhaul ran all the way
from Kansas City 10 Omaha in order TO
dodge a process server. She is a girl
after Mr.. RoekefelIer's own heart.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25

An Atlanta man won his wife by his
fine playing on the accordion. And six
months from now she is going to be won
dering what on earth the neighbors have
against them.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
An Exploded rhenrr.

From the Atlanta Journal
There IS nothing in the theory that the
suns heat is decreasing.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25

Mr.. Watterson says the Democratic
party cannot survive another defeat. This
is too pessimistlc n view. The Demo
cratic party has done little but survive
defeats in recent years, and experience
ALWAYS counts.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
Not on Your Life!

From the Omaha Bee
The tariff may get ashamed after all
the talk about it and decide 20 reform it
self.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25

Don't kiss babies: it is dangerous, &"
says a physician. It is also moderately
dangerous, under certain circumstances,
TO kiss a grOwn-up
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25

The Cupid cocktair' is the latest drink.
This probably is the kind that makes the
world go round.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25

4 man has patented an appliance to
utilize waste gas. He can obtain a large
supply at the Capitol when Congress is
In session.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25

We shall never believe that Milwaukee
gave Gen. Kuroh a loving cup until we
actually see It. 1t was either d mug OF a
schooner.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25

President Roosevelt and Mr.. John Tenn
pie Graves were at jamestown together,
and Yet, says the Norfolk News Leader.
the tides ebbed and flowed with their
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
Cool and AudacIou.

From the Charleston News and Courier
It is the audacity of the peek-a- boo
waist that makes it cool
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25

Heaven lies about Us in infancy" says
a Michigan poet And everybody takes
hand in the game when We grow up.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
Friend,n Oninion.

Charlie is evidently telling Maude the
old old story"
She seems absorbed"
We'll, I suppose it is absolutely new to
her"
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25

Crop Of bugs short" says the Phila-
delphia Inquirer You would not think
so. from the number OF fool ideas float
ing around.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25

accustomed regularity" Which was ex-
pected to upset the tides. Mr., Graves or
Mr. Roosevelt?
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
Jerome I'm New Light.

The libel suit OF William Travers
Jerome. New yorks district attorney.
against the Hearst newspapers. seems to
be generally regarded as having reflected
one else in the witness chair. Furthermore.
the parties TO the action. Mr.. Jerome.
during his examination by Attorney
Shearn. MT. Hearsts representative. fire.
quenuy acted in a manner which doubt
less would have been holly resented by
him had ne been the QuestiOner and some
one else in the witness chair. Further
more, the testimony elected does not alto
gether strengthen the argument. made by
Mr.. Jerome's friends during the last re-
maTkable campaign, that he was about the
only Official in New York City who was
a model IN the matter Of civic righteous
ness and lncorruptibility. It appears that
while Mr.. Jerome and his lieutenants were
inFelghing against graft and unclean poll
ties from one end Of the county to the
other. his financial agents were spending
money contributed by the big insurance
companies and other concerns whose in
terest In the matter probably was not
Together lacking in guile The district
attorney denounced the lavish use OF
money by Hearst and others, and In this
ne had the hearty support q most OF the
good citizens of New York; bat It appears
that be did not practice what he preached.
masmucn as something like $500 was
spent 10 elect him to an office which pays
A-.VD a year. Mr. Jerome is particularly
criticised because Of the use in his behalf
or money contributed by the counsel for
the president OF the Equitable Assurance
Society the officials Of which. I'm the
opinion Of many, should have been pros
scuted after the Hughes investigation.
and were not Altogether. the belief that
the district attorneys performances fall
iar short OF his ante-election promises
seems to be steadily growing.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25

An interesting celebration viii be held
at Falmouth, Mass, on August 5. when
the Gosnold tercentenary is to be com
memorated. On August a monument 10
Bartholomew viii be unveiled. VERY few
remember Gosnold. probably. lie was a
famous mariner, an associate Of Sir Wal
ter Raleigh IN the latter's first unsuccess-
full attempt TO found a colony in Virginia.
In 1862 GosnOld sailed from Falmouth.
England. in a ship containing twenty col
Onists and went directly across the At
lantic, instead Of taking the circuitous
southern route. He entered Massachu-
sets Bay, named Cape Cod. discovered
No Mans Land and called il Martha's
Vineyard, a name which has since been
appropriated by a more important island
He planted his little colony on Cuttyhuuk.
now in the township Of Gosnold. After
ward GOsnOld brought over another col
ony, which chose its first settlement in
jamestown, a locality that proved un-
healthful. Gosnold died in Virginia
August p. 1867. Some of the most inter
eSting phases of the early history of the
colonists Of New England will thus be
recalled at the Gosnold celebration.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25

II Japan wants to come over, whip San
Francisco, and then stop, We may con-
slider the matter.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25

"Florida's Governor Satisfied" says a
newspaper headline. Happy governor
happy Florida.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
One Way Out of 1t.

While Chairman Knapp. Of the Inter
state Commerce Commission, may not
have told the story Of the remarkable re-
sourcefulness Of a French railroad official,
the tale is being very generally printed as
coming from him. In New York a few
days ago, so it is said. the chairman Of
the governmental body which is supposed
70 regulate the railroads. spoke Of the
manner in which some railroad mag
mates handle complaints. THE French
man have In mind was a wonder in that
line he said. "One day a traffic man
ager went 10 the president OF the road
and exclaimed disc0Hs0lately: We are
having no end OF trouble with the public
about those old dark blue cars. Every
BODY says they bump frightuly In com
p9rlson, with the new light blue ones.
which. or course, run very smoothly.
The president did not find the problem
at all difficult. Very well. said he: we
VIII attend 20 the matter at once. Have
all the old cars painted light blue imme-
diately'"
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25

"Chloroform is good for snake bite. "
gravely asserts a physician Some one
should take the doctor fishing and put
him wise
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
Vacation Tragedy.

A maiden by the rivers brim
A sister said shed be to him,
And nothing more.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
The Scale.

A $50 hat Is a conceit
A $50 hat is a CONNECTION.
g hat is sin and a shame, and a
perfect justification for going home TO
mother.
The Washington herald., 1907-07-25
MEN AND THINGS.
Cost of colIecting Ashes.

PHILADELPHIA recent inve stigatlon OF the
best methods and cost OF collecting
ashes is of interest TO all municipalities,
but especially so to Washington. ir view
Of the disclosures regarding the taking up
by private contractors Of the work which
the District government pays to have
done. Philadelphia, the investigation
showed. pays the highest price Of any city
in the country for the collection Of ashes,
the rate being 6S cents cubic yard The
work is done by municipal employees
Cleveland, under a similar system, paid
Il cents a cubic yard, but recently
changed its plan, eliminated political in
fiuence. and has for the past six months,
upon a strictly business basis, done the
same work for 451z cents a yard. Buffalo,
which gives a contract TO the lowest hid
der gets a rate OF 81 cents a cubic yard,
while Cincinnati. under the same system
as Philadelphia, pays over 60 cents.
Milwaukee for years paid $4,000 an
nually for the work. done by city en-
ployes, and the tendency, as in Philadel-
phia, was to Overpay them and to engage
more than was needed. as well as to per-
NIT extravagances In other directions.
This, 1t was ascertained. was entirely due
to political influence as in many other in
stances Of municipal control and opera
ton. The exorbitant expenditure in Mil
waukee was stopped by the discovery that
the law did not permit the city to do the
work 1t is estimated that under the con-
tract system the cost viii be less than
$4,000. saving Of 100000 a year.
The Philadelphia investigation is said 10
show that municipal collections cost far
more than the contract system, because
The politicians secure the appointment Of
men who, sure Of their political pull. do
not do efficient work, but receive high
wages and enjoy short hours, whereas
the men employed by the contractors are
required 20 work steadily and manage TO
accomplish about twice as much as the
municipal employees. 1t is said that II
philadelphia could have the work done al
the rate which prevails in Buffalo. the
taxpayers would be saved So, 6I5 a year.