Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1907-11-28

Cheer up There is a silver lining
to every cloud!' well, what good is
that? 1 haven't got an airship."-
Pick-Me-Up.
Howell-You seem to think that I
will lose If ] make the investment.
Powell-My boy, it is just like indors-
ing a note for friend.-Brooklyn Life.
Friend-So that is your little boy?
He looks very intelligent Proud Mama
Just as I was at his age My daugh-
ter, now, is more like her father
Nos Loisirs.
"Youngling is going to marry the
widow Henpeck." "Why, she's twice
as old as he is ooh. well, he'll age
fast enough after the wedding."-
Town and Country.
That fisherman Is always talking
about the whoppers he caught" HE
doesn't catch them" answered Miss
Cayenne. HE merely tells them
Washington Star.
Boarder-You can divide a chicken
with mathematical accuracy, Mrs.
Washington. Mrs. Hashington-Divid-
ing it is easy enough. / wish l could
multiply it-Philadelphia Inquirer.
Mamma" said Jamie, mysteriously,
did 1 ever have little brother that
fell into the well?' NO." said mamma.
"Why?" ''Why, when looked down
In the well saw a little boy some
thing like me-"
Miss Pechis," said Mr. Timmid. at
the other end Of the sofa, "if l were TO
throw you kiss | wonder what you'd
say" "Well,' replied Miss Pechis, I'D
say you were the LATEST man 1 ever
saw."-Philadelphia Press.
Tom-But perhaps she doesn't love
you. Jack-Oh, yes she does! Tom
How do you know? Jack-When l told
her that l had no money to get married
on she offered to borrow some from her
father.-Philadelph Inquirer
Dear me, John, this Is dreadful with
hot weather on us and no money to go
anywhere. Haven't you any country
relations you can scare up?" That's
the trouble. I've scared all I've got
already" -Baltimor American.
"Yes," said the young man, penslve-
ly, "a dog / once had saved my life"
Tell me about it," said the young
woman, with eager interest. 4 sold
him for ST." said the young man, when
1 was nearly starving. "-Tit-Bits.
what made Brown marry that
widow?" did you ever drop penny
in a weighing machine and then find
the thing won't work?" Yes" That's
the reason" what do you mean?'
Couldn't get a welgh."-Denver Post.
Wife during the quarrel)-I don't
believe you ever did charitable act
In your life. Husband did one, at
least, that 1 have lived to regret Wife
Indeed! What was It, pray? Hus-
band-I saved you from dying an old
maid.-Illustrated Bits.
Friend-I am afraid your husband
has a very bad cold; he's continually
sneezing. It's quite painful to hear
him. Why don't you ask doctor to
see him? Matron-Well, I'm waiting
just few days because it amuses baby
so to see his father sneeze-Tit-Bits
You may not remember me, Miss
Summers" he said, "but | was engaged
to you once" 'Indeed?' the summer
girl replied coldly, you have quite u
memory for faces. No." he replied,
glancing at her fair hand, but l have
for the rings l buy."-Philadelphia
Press.
But" protested the space writer,
perhaps you could use this article If
were to boil it DOWN. Nothing doing"
reioined the man behind the blue pen
ell. IF you were to take gallon OF
water and boil it down to pint, 1t
would still be water."-Chicago Daily
News.
"WeIl, anyhow" said Cassidy, 1.-THE
new mill is fitted up fine. Shure, every
things in it's right place" Not at ALL
replied Casey, "whin l whit through
there tn other day / seen lot o. red
buckets marked Fur Fire Only an,
fax, there was wather in thin PHIL
adelphia Press.
Friend-One of your clerks tells me
you raised his salary and told him to
get married, under panalty OF dis
charge. Business Man-Yes; do that
to all nv clerks when they get old
enough to marry. l don't want any
of your Independent, conceited men
about nv Dlace-Tit-BitS.
Landlady Ito new boarder who Is
rather Stout. / am glad to hear that
one of my former boarders recommend
ed YOU to my house. Stout Boarder-
Yes. he spoke very highly of it. After
telling him that 1 had tried all kinds
of antifat without success he advised
short stay here.-Ally Sloper.
Mistress-Norah, 1 told you to give
that man with the hand organ quar-
ter to go down to the next block and
grind his machine in front Of Mr..
Upps-Tart's house-and he's out here
on the sidewalk again! Norah-Yis,
mum. He says tn Teddy In the next
block gave i'm half dollar to come
back here, mum.-Chicago Tribune.