davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17
ERON OTHER PENS
STEALING A MARCH

L may be recalled, too, that about
the same time "Unc1e Joe" buttons
blosSomed out Ike buttereups, and they
bore the assurangA from official sources
MIR. Speaker, you will be the next
president" Uncle Joe is absent from
his Illinois preserves, walking perhaps
under a sun umbrella in the Culebra
cut and beyond The reach of wire or
telephone. The time seems propitious
for stealing a march on the old gen.
tlenan, hut those who mediate depriv-
ing him of the ht nor of being the ia
vorite son OF Illinois should remember
that he will be SPEAKER of the Sixtieth
congress and therefore not a man to
trifio with.-NeWi York Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17
No Use.


The coroner of q certain town in
central Pennsylvania was once called
upon to hold an inquest over the re-
mains of a Hungarian laborer.
The only witness was a lad OF the
same nationality, who spoke no Eng
Hsh.
"Where do you live, boy?" was the
first question of the coroner.
The boy shook his head.
do you speak English ?" next came
from the coroner.
Again the boy shook his head.
do you speak German"
Still another negative from the lad.
do you speak French?" was the
next fnterrogatory.
For the third time the boy shook
his head.
How old ar you ~
No reply from the witness.
Then, after a pause, the coroner
asked:
do you speak italian %
The lad remained silent.
TT amt no use." observed the cor
oner, turning to those in the room.
1--WE questioned this here witness in
four languages and can't get no an
swer. The court is adjourned. "-Har-
per's weekly.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

New York bankers appear to be
surprised because there are a lot of
investors in Kansas who stand ready
to buy good railroad bonds. Why
shouldn't Kansas investors buy the
bonds Instead of sending their money
TO Wall street and letting Wall street
buy tn EN-?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17
THEIR MUTUAL PURPOSE.

Cupid went shopping. and he bought
A yard of moonlight and a. kiss,
A loving glance. a tragic sigh,
And two bright tears to go with this
A maid went shopping and she bought
cunning gown all made OF lace,
A rOse-crowned hat, pa1asol. .
With which to shade her dainty face
The maid and Cupid CHANGED to meet;
He asked the maiden what she sought
And she was curious to know
The use of all the things he bought
But neither would an answer give,
But straightway from each other ran
For both were buying things to trap
The same poor unsuspecting man.
Town To9ics.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

The person who piles ties on a rail-
road track and wrecks a train is sent
to prison for a long term-if he es-
capes the wrath of a mob. Yet Har-
rirnan wrecked the Alton and nothing
VIII be done about 1t, although he
cleaned up $23, Oo0, 900 in the wreck.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

Perhaps the Standard may squirm
little after all. Even the minimum
fine that can be imposed for that Chi
caKo conviction last week will amount
70 nearly a million and a half of dol
lars-and even the Standard Oil COM
pauy may feel that
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

1t appears that the brewers were not
only violating the prohibitory. law, but
they were violating the antitrust law
as we'll. They divided the state among
them and one did not encroach on the
territory Of another. This was too,
foo much
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

In some states the railroads have
been charging only two cents a mile
for passenger fare. but it makes them
mad to have the states say they shall
charge no more
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

If this $4,000 900 conspiracy should
be successful, Mr. Bryan's prophecy
that government regulation will not
regulate and that nothing short CT
government ownership Will do the
trick, may come true, after all.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

Tbs Pennsylvania railroad suffered
from seven attempted train wrecks in
fifteen days. This recalls that whoever
conducted that campaign of train
wrecking against the Santa Fe a year
or so ago has evidently given it I'D
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

The way that Foraker and Dick are
going about it, and the backing they
will have, means that it is by no means
certain that Ohio will line up for Taft
The people may be for him, but the
politicians will name the delegates.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

The man who was going around a
week ago Dragging about what a big
fruit crop he would have, evidently
spoke too soon.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

The hard thing to believe about this
conspiracy story is that only $4,000, 900
was put up to do the trick. 1t will
take much more than $5,0OO.00O to ac-
complish the defeat of President Roose-
welt and his policies
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17
Paul Bourgeois Lemon.

Paul Bourget, the French novel;
ist," said magazine editor. thinks he
understands American women. He is
continuously writing essays about
them. Were I a woman those essays
would make me mad.
but Bourget does understand
American men pretty well. Once, at
a, dinner that Richard Harding Davis
gave in his honor, Bourget handed to
our men singularly large and acrid
lemon.
HE said that we were too lax and
boorish toward our wives. He said we
often treated a pretty, yellow haired
typewriter girl hired yesterday with
more gentleness and courtesy than we
gave to wives of twenty or thirty
years standing.
He instanced the case of man
who sat reading the evening paper one
night, a cigar in his mouth and his
feet on the sofa.
q Darling. said his wife. do you
love me?'
yes he answered. without look
ing UP.
LAS much as ever?"
"'Sure' said the man. as he struck
a match and relighted his cigar.
why the woman pursued ten
derby.
"sOh, L don't know said he, habit,
I suppose San Antonio Express.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17
HIGHER RAVES A MIsTAKE

Instead of increasing the rates the
telegraph companies should reduce
them. They would gain such a volume
of new business that they would more
than make UP the difference. 1t should
be the settled policy of these corpora
tons to attract business, to train the
people to use the wire more frequently,
to invite them by the offer of low tolls
and good service to transact more of
their business by telegraph than before.
The telephone companies have learned
the lesson of profitable rate reduction,
and 1t is a strange spectacle now to find
the telegraph corporations pursuing the
hazardous course of inviting regulative
legislation by their defiance of the spirit
of the times.-Washingt Star.
GIVE 1T A CHANCE.
When you see little tainted money
inclined to break away the proper thing
to do is to get, hold of it and give it
chance to ACKNOWLEDGEMENT Star.
GEN. BOOTHS HINT.
General Booth estentatiously an
nounces that he Is not afraid Of tainted
money, but up to late hour last night
Mr.. Rockefeller had not taken the hint.
Richmond Tlmes-Dispatch.
BARK
Machine politics has disappeared from
most of the states, and the reformers
will not have to waste any more time
in smashing states. Once more the
voice of the people bids fair to dominate
the land.-St Louis Globe-Democrat.
A GREAT MAN.
A great man is one who can make at
least one speech in a lifetime that is
not a bitter appeal to either sectional
prejudice, race prejudice or personal
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. News
-s4. l -a---ss - 49, ss<.-
COULD HE DO IT?
Mr. Roosevelt has one more triumph
awaiting him. 1t remains for him to
show that he can hypnotize a panic and
scare off hard times.-Springfield Re-
publican.
HIS LIMITS.
Well, thank goodness, there will be
an ocean at each end to put some lirni-
tations on Mr.. Harriman's railroad
deals.-Indianapolis News.
FOOD INSPECTORS.
Tt is said that the government can
not secure enough pure food inspectors.
Naturally, this is difficult position to
fill, as recent revelations have made 1t
very plain that pure food is something
very few are able to Identify on sight.
-Ealtim Ore American.
RUNNING FOR EXERCISE.
A Trenton man, arrested as house.
breaker, declared he was only running
for exercise" So are about two dozen
early aspirants for the presidency
New York Evening Post.
O.
THE ENGLISH LAUREATE.
Alfred Austin, the English laureate,
says he likes Longfellow's poetry. This
does not. Indicate that Longfellow was
who can't write poetry themselves like
Longfellow's work-Chicago Record
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

The czar Of Russia is also the victim
of conspiracies. but they are not of the
So. 1000 variety. The American kind
is different, too, in that it was the OBJ
ject of the conspiracy who threw the
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

A tremendous amount of time and
money has been spent on the Thaw
case-and it stands practically where
il did before the trial.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

Secretary Taft has been busy set
ting the trouble in Cuba and no soon
er will he get that done than he will
have a similar job in Ohio.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17
HUM0R OF THE DHY

1.-THE peach crop must be one of natures
favorites."
Because you always ind 1t so spoiled
Baltimore American.
HE is man of lofty ideals"
Perhaps" answered Senator Sorghum
although a man sometimes gets credit
out for high price."-Washington Star.
Foreman waterville Hose Co. No. /
Hurry up an come on, 81! Woolsey't
barns Albumin.
The Newest volunteer-Sorry. Heck, but
can't. Both m red shirts are in the
wash.-Puck.
Mrs. Casey Saturday night)-Give me
Mr.. Casey-,B-but there may be some
tiS Mra ieroDfg Hn no not afeerd av
thot. A microbe couldn't live on yure sal
ary.-Judge-
MY good man. said the lady mission
airy, do you eyer pause to think where
Sure Ting" replied the unlaundered
hobo EFF didn't l might git on de
in place?'-Chicago News.
Tell me. eonhdentially.. old chap-havs
4 have, provided you can explain how
you happen to be in possession of a $4,000
;'I'm rot. That's more money than
ever saw in my life But I'd ike to have
you explain TO me now you ndppeH 10 DC
in possession of $4,000 in changeH'-chi5t
cago Tribune.
docs he write much for the maya
zines?''
mo He writes mostly to them
Cleveland Plain Dealer
did 1 understand you to say that my
appearance has imDroved2"
mo, 1 said you looked more like your
sell" Life.
Coolz-Now we've 'ad words. You'll be
looxin' for another cook to keep company
Pohceman-Not me. I'll starve first
Punch.
$50 the editor sent your poem back to
yol?' remarked the sympathetic friend.
YES" replied Woody Rims. ANY
comment?"
quite promising. philadelphia Press.
Clergyman-You should seek work. my
friend. You know. Satan finds employ
ment for idle hands
Hobo-T' anks, kind sir. Many times be-
fore I've been advised ter go ter de devil.
but never in sich dipplymatic langwidge.
Puck.
Mrs Brown-Mrs White says she thinks
that it is wrong to play bridge.
Mrs Black-ft is the way she plays it.
-Somerville Journal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

morning and going upon the street
finds q noise and kills it should be
richly rewarded. Civilization is IN
great need of a muffler-Detroit Free
Press. --s--4=.--
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

Residents of Pennsylvania, when
they take visitors through their state
capitol, will not point with pride to
the cost marks on the furniture.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

while 1t is not exactly the charitable
spirit to give that we may be the gain
ers in return. yet it is undoubtedly
true that few million dollars given to
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

Anyway, the Thaw case will not
come up for trial again until the base
ball season is over.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

Uncle Jim Hill thinks Hartman
talks too much. And it is a dead GER
tainty that he has written too much.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17
Gas and It's Centenary.

Gas as practical flluminant passed
its century mark January %. On
that day in 1907 there was in London
"a newand singular spectacle accord
range of Pail Mall. from SIT. James
to Cockspur street, was lighted up by
means of lamps fed with gas instead
Of cotton and oil. and certainly in
a style of much superior brilliancy."
This was the first instance of street
lighting by coal gas in London or
in any other city. The merit of the
enterprise is due to Winsor, Ger
man company-promoting expert. who
was specially interested in the question
of economic fuel. His pamhhlets,
however, contained so much extrav-
agant fanaticism and quackery that
they retarded rather than furthered
his schemes. which met with an ex-
traordinary amount of opposition,
even from enlightened people.
Sir Walter Scott wrote that there
was mailman proposing to light Lon
don with smoke. Awful consequences
were predicted. The gas would poison
air and blow up the inhabitants; it was
expensive, dangerous, offensive and
unmanageable; the pipes conveying it
would be hot and apt to produce con-
fagrations. The 1amplighters to- a
man opposed the new mode of street
lighting, and it is curious to notice the
great hesitation as to it's possibility ex-
pressed in contemporary scientific and
popular literature
When a chartered company was at
length formed in 1910 the sharehold-
ers were Ditied as idiots, and David
Pollock. for thirty years its governor
received some extraordinary answers
in doggerel rhyme from otherwise
sober and staid individuals whom he
had asked to take shares.-Chicago
News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

If Peary discovers the North Pole
this time it is to be hoped that he will
also be able to spot the headquarters
of the ice trust.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

In addition to being looted by Har-
riman, the Alton is now swatted by its
Uncle Samuel for rebating. The Alton
has hard luck.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

This delay in the Thaw case gives
the alienists an extension of their jobs
in studying the defendant.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

A day like yesterday chills even the
nrdor of a baseball enthusiast.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

The Thaw jurors seem to have
agreed about like the alienists did.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

Now it is Mexico's turn to have the
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17
KANSAS CDNMENT
NEW soITHERN VIEW.

NEW SOUTHERN VIEW.
a1ere IS some strong talk from ex-
subject OF lynching: II believe every
one OF a mob is a sed-handed murderer,
Wnetner he be the tail-end member or
a Ieauer' ana 1t is my opinion that all
peopie connected with a lynching,
Wnetner they be only onlockers or not,
snolld De sentenced to the peniten-
tiary. Many are trying to belittle this
great QUESTION. 1t is greater than all
we are iapsing into barbarism and our
clvllizat1on is slipping from us. Some
thing must be done.'' Ex-Governor
NorIhen IS ~ years old. He was a
conIederate soldier, and he is a Demo-
crat of high standing. Such words,
from sucn a man, ought to make the
south stop ana listen. Then there is
this lesson to be learned: That the way
to stop crime is not to initiate it, but
to assert the power of the law calmly,
inexorably and, impressively.-L
worth Times. g
LEAD PENCILS.
phe lead pencil is one of the most
common articles in everyday use, and
nearly 320.000,000 pencils are nanufae-
tured In this country every year. To
manufacture these millions of pencils
there are required 10000 tons, or u
100000 cubic feet of wood, so that each
day IN the year 800 tons, or 10000 Gu
bic feet of wood are used for pencils.
Gil VI Lie AZ
cedar. and since the pencil industry is
steadily growing, the supply OF red
cedar is greatly depleted; vet no sub
stitute has been found for it. Leaving
out of consideration the imported PEN
ellis, the average educated American
over 10 years of age uses six pencils of
home manufacture each year. Ten
years ago he used less than five.-Man-
haitian Nationalist.
ROOSEVELT.
With Roosevelt out of the way the
reactionary element would have con-
troll CT the country again in six months.
He is the one man who has the force
and nerve ard sagacity TO stand up and
defy and defeat them all.--Jewell Re
publican.
o.
HIS EXCUSE.
The small boy in love with the girl
who likes the other fellow best usually
accounts for his downhearted feelings
from the fact that his new shoes Just
hurts awful.'-Erie Record.
NOT ALWAYS
A casual reading of the weekly pa
pers OF Kansas last week shows that
the ring was repudiated in nearly ev-
cry town in the state at, the annual
election. The ring is always COM
posed of the fellows who meet defeat
on election day.-Osborne Farmer.
THE ONLY EXCEPTION.
g.. IL
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17
THE ONLY ExCEPTIoN.

So far as discovered the only thing
that was ever allowed to do business
In San Francisco without paying trib-
ute to Boss Ruef- was the earthquake,
and it had to slip in before daylight.
The grand jury has returned 70 indict-
ments against Ruef-Jewell Repuhli-
can.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17
Testing a Rug With Fire.

The dusky rug salesman took red
hot coal from the CRATE, and, holding it
tight in the tongs. touched it to the
splendid Persian rug.
"Oh!' grasped the visitor, as the
costly rug sizzled, and gave off a. little
smoke and an odor of burning.
But the salesman smiled. He threw
the coal back into the CRATE He
pointed to the charred spot, as big as
a half dollar. on the rugs cream-col-
ored ground.
Regard, madam" he said.
And with his hand he brushed the
brown entirely away. In a moment
nothing of it was left The rug came
forth from it's fiery ordeal the same as
before, only, in that one spot, the
fabric was perhaps an eighth of an
inch thinner.
"a Persian ring that will not come
unhurt from the fire test" said the
salesman, sis not. madam. worth your
attention. "-Philadelphia Bulletin.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

THE peach crop must be one of natures
favorites."
why so?''
Because you always ind 1t 50 spoiled
American.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

Foreman Waterville Hose Co. No. /
Hurry up an come on, 81! Woolsey's
barns Albumin.
The Newest VoIunteer-Sorry. Heck, but
I can't. Both m red shirts are in the
wash.-Puck.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

HE is a man of lofty ideals"
Perhaps" answered Senator Sorghum
although a man sometimes gets credit
for lofty ideals when he is merely holding
out for a high price."-Washington Star
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17
A Patient Angler.

If ever there were an enthusiastic
fisherman it was old Jones. He was
quite content to sit for hours on the
bank of the stream, hoping for bite,
and If he didn't get one, his mind
thrilled at the thought of what splen-
did sport he had two years ago. Thus
he was found by a fellow angler.
"Fished long in this stream ?" he
asked pleasantly.
saTwenty-three years." was the Ia
comic response.
'eThen this stream must be worth
fishing in" went on the stranger. you
must get lot of bites"
Gazing intently at his rod, Jones re-
piled with zest:
1.-TWO years ago, in this very spot,
had as fine a bite as anyone need
wish for And 1 shall get another
yet.'-London Answers.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17
THE ENGLIsH LAUREATE.

Alfred Austin, the English laureate,
says he likes Longfellow's poetry. This
does not. indicate that Longfellow was
not great poet. Many other people
who can't write poetry themselves like
Longfellow's work-Chicago Record
Herald. 5-s....-ss,s4s -.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

Mrs. Casey Saturday night)-Give me
yure wages.
Mr. Casey-B-but there may be some
tirrible microbes on it, Norah.
Mrs. Casey-Fait, Dim not afeerd av
thot. A microbe couldn't live on yure sal
ary.-Judge.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

MY good man." said the lady mission
airy, do you ever pause to think where
you are going?''
sure ting" replied the unIaundered
hobo. EFF I didn't l might git on de
wrong freight an land back at me start
in place!'-Chicago News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17
NOT ALWAYS

A casual reading of the weekly pa
pers of Kansas last week shows that
the ring was repudiated in nearly ev-
cry town in the state at, the annual
election. The ring" is always COM
posed of the fellows who meet defeat
on election day.-Osborne Farmer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17
Both Faded.

DR.. Martin Regensburger has a little
son, The youngster was recently Wis
fting an aged ard wealthy lady in the
Santa Clara valley. Returning from a
delightful drive in the private carriage
of his hostess the small boy entered
the dining room and laid f1stful of
short Steamed wild flowers beside the
elderly lady's plate.
.'Ah. Ia! I am no longer young nor
beautiful, but my little man has ia
vored me above all those pretty young
girls here"
The small boy looked puzzled a mo-
ment, and then blurted out:
That's so; but you keep 'em just
the same. They're wilted, too.'-San
Francisco Chronicle.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

A Trenton man, arrested as a house
breaker, declared he was 'only running
for exercise" So are about two dozer
early aspirants for the presidency
New York Evening Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17
She Asked No More Questions.

A kindly faced woman showed great
interest in going through the Industrial
home for blind men. Seeing one sight
less man busily canig chair she said
sympathetically:
IT don't see how you men do that
work at ALL
That's the way with US, madam"
said the worker, cheerfully. I'VE don't
see how we do it ourselves"
To another blind man she said: DO
you close your eyes when you sleep?
The answer came quickly:
''Oh, no. madam; We have a watch
man, that goes around and closes 'em
for all Of us at 10 o'clock"
the kindly faced woman asked no
more questions.-Exchange.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

$50 the editor sent your poem back to
yoI?'' remarked the sympathetic friend.
yes" replied Woody Rims. ANY
comment?''
''Er-yes; he said my handwriting was
quite promising philadelphia Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

Tt is said that the government can
not secure enough pure food inspectors.
Naturally, this is a difficult position to
fill, as recent revelations have made 1t
very plain that Eure food is something
very few are able to identify on sight.
-Ealtirn ore American.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

Clergyman-You should seek work, my
friend. You know, Satan finds employ
ment for idle hands.
Hobo-T' anks, kind sir Many times be
fore I've been advised ter go ter de devil
but never in sich dipplymatic langwidge
Puck.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-17

TELL me, confidentially, OLD chap-have
you change for a $4,000 bill?"
IT have, provided you can explain how
you happen to be in possession of $40. 900