davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
Fortune reller,s Rlunder.

THAT fortune-teller got all mixed
up on my husbands" said she, as they
left the tent. He said had had two;
then he wouldn't say | would have
three. l thought that was mean Of
him. Instead, he kept on saying what
a nice husband l had now, what a
fine man he was and all that idiocy.
Why, my husband Is the meanest
little brute that ever lived. / haven't
laid eyes on him for two years. Now,
why do you suppose the fortune teller
kept on saying he was such a nice
husband?' she demanded. That's
easy said he. He thought | was
your husband and he'd get to tell my
fortune VIXEN he had finished with
yours"
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
Hard Water.

A farm woman in Pennsylvania once
said: 81 never hear anyone sing The
Old Oaken Bucket without a shud-
der" For Is years she had done the
cooking and washing for a family of
six with no other water supply than
what she had hauled out of a well
nearly 30 feet deep by means of a
bucket. Baths in winter were almost
out of the question, and even in the
summer they were regarded as an oc-
casion OF more than ordinary impor-
lance, for which preparations had to
be made hours ahead Of the great
event. A cubic foot of water weighs
621h pounds, and Mn all these years
the number Of tons this woman had
lifted had made poetic illusions to
"ironbound' and Undiscovered" buck
cts a good deal like saying rope" to
a man about to be hanged.-Farm-
ing.
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
Lsvee Breaks

Wellington News.
The heavy rain storm that visited
this section Sunday night seemed to
to be general over a large portion OF
the country, causing all small streams
to overflow their banks and the old
Missouri river to rise two feet during
the night.
The leveee near Waterloo gave way
Monday morning letting four feet Of
water come with a rush and spread
over five thousand acres of land,
sweeping clean field after field Of
wheat that had been cut and put in
the shock and thousands Of acres Of
corn is now under water.
Many farmers Will lose their entire
crop. Among these are: Mat Graham,
Fred Nelson, Wm Keller, T. Finch,
Martin Gates, Mrs. David Dee and
Mrs, Mary E. Finch.
The river is still rising and the dam
age may be much greater In the next
few days.
The damage to crops up to this
writing is estimated at 500, 900.
The damage to land will be grea;,
and it is feared by many that the
river will change its course, cutting
directly across the bottom from
Waterloo to Wellington and make an
island out Of Horse Shoe Bend.
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
CURE FOR MORBID nj
Work and Laughter viii Exercise De-
mon Of Discomfort.

When people have real trouble to
contend with they do not sit down
and analyze their emotions and re-
member whether this person or that
person looked to the right or to the
left when they spoke to them, and ex-
actly what the tones of their voice
and the elevation of their eyebrows
meant, as the morbid woman does.
M%orbidness should be accounted a
wicked demon that can be driven out
Healthy companionship, laughter, long
walks in the sunshine and plenty OF
work will exercise the wicked little
imp Discomfort and make its victim
the happy, healthful, hopeful woman
she should be. Form a resolve not to
be constantly thinking of self, and
you will be surprised to discover how
much less complicated is your outlook
upon MISUNDERSTANDING.
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
CHANCE TO KNEEL.

The impecunious nobleman
twisted his raven mustache.
81 come to re great land to be
one gallant" he confded.
'That SOP" responded his Amer
lean acquaintance.
eyes, | will kneel before the
bootiful ladies of re land"
Indeed Well, / think | can
help you, count"
you think that you can help me,
monsieur? How?D
"Why, | happen to remember the
street where | saw the sign; shoe
clerk wanted
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
That State Highway,
Columbia Statesman.

Columbia Statesman.
Great interest has been aroused in
the proposed new state high way, from
Kansas City to st. Louis, and the
governor Of Missouri is especially
enthusiastic over 1t. he is quoted
as saying that be expects to see it
completed before the end Of his
Administration. The governor adj
mits that1people would soon be max
log automobile trips between the two
large cities, saying the motor cars
could make the trip 10 one day.
"The speed limit Of Is miles an hour
would net permit this" says Mr..
Folk, shut after the horses become
accustomed to the machines, the
limit will be changed. 1 expect to
see the road a great thorvughfare and
the farms along the route turned into
big gardens and worth two to ten
times as much as they are today ="
Branch roads will connect it with the
larger towns on either side, and the
population and business it will bring
are now incalculable The new
state highway commissioner, Curtis
Hill, Is travelling over the possible
routes and making a study Of the
best, with a view to reporting to the
BOARD Of Agriculture committee in
st. Louis on August 5. When seen
by a Statesman reporter Thursday
morning be said he was In 90 position
to give definite information at this
time. AS to where the funds are to
come from and the manner Of raising
them, all these things are as yet up in
the air
Mr.. Hill was instructed tn nranare
an estimate for the construction Of a
macadamized road between st. Louis
and Kansas City, recc mend the best
route for the road, and make his re-
port to special committee consisting
OF Gov Folk, S. W. Hudson, DR.. II.
Waters, Geo, B. Ellis, N. Fl. Gentry,
and N. j. Colman, which is to meet
in Jefferson City August 5. 1t is pro-
posed to make the roadway sixty feet
wide, aud 10 use limestone along the
route for macadom. While the pre-.
else route has not been chosen, and
will be left largely to the engineer, it
is thought If the road is built 1t will
be along the north side Of the Miss
ourt river, possibly from St. Louis to
st. Charles, Aorrenton, DanVille
Fulton, Millersburg, Columbia,
Rocheport, crossing the river at
Boonville, and going thence west over
the most practical route. 1t is sug-
gested that through Boone county the
present gravel road bed from Cedar
Creek to Columbia, and from here to
Rocheport be utilized. The project
contemplates a SPLENDID state high
way, from which Others may radiate,
the state road being in the nature Of
an object lesson.
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
Old Church In Alaska.

In Sitka, Alaska, is one of the most
ancient and historic churches in the
dominion of the United States. 1t
was built many years ago when Rus
STA ruled there, and the site of a
Grecian spire overshadowing the sim
pie shrine in the wilderness was dear
to homesick Russian hearts. Solid
silver %candlesticks, six feet high,
guard the altar and a massive chande-
lier of rich silver hangs from the
dome. On the walls hang paintings
from masters of the old world, the
altar vestments are encrusted with
priceless jewels, and the robes Of the
priests, displayed to interested tour.
lists, are richly embroidered in
precious stones. The church has no
pews, the worshippers standing in
groups about the church while the
two hours service is in progress.
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
PApA's IDEA OF ECONOMY.
All Right When It Only Affected Pleas
ures of Others.

Not long ago we heard a mans lit
tie daughter say to him: Papa, can't
l have a nickel to buy some gum"
He was a good, kind man, and he
didn't refuse her roughly. He patted
her on the head and said: "Daugh-
ter, your old dad can't afford such
things. 1t takes all our money to buy
bread and meat and keep you and
mamma in shoes" She looked disap-
pointed and walked away. Presently
he started home. He felt as If a
hot n would help his appetite and
put him in a more cheerful frame of
mind in which to greet his family, so
he walked in and put his right shoe
upon the foot-rail. "What'l you have,
boys?" he asked. Some of them took
'er straight; some took it diluted with
settler, Nobody condescended to take
beer. Our friend planked down a
dollar. When the %barkeeper rang up
the register it showed Go cents.-La-
mar Democrat.
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
DRIVING Into Nets.

In the old days every southern gen
tleman had his net for quail. The
drive was an event in the county. Our
youth of to-day may never enjoy such
sport. In the proper season the neigh
bors were invited. All came on horse
back, for while quail will rise from
the approach of a dog or man, they
will run along the ground ahead Of a
gentle horse. Much skill was required
to drive a covey into the net. AS many
as 30 horsemen would form a semi
circle and slowly, patiently, silently
make the roundup, all driving toward
the common center, yet from one gen
eral direction only, and that always
against the wind. The net had been
set facing the wind. An impatient
man on a fractions horse might des.
troy the work of half a day by flush.
ing entire coveys,
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
Haydn's Grave.

The city council of Vienna has
made formal %overtures to the authori-
ties of Eisenstadt looking toward the
removal of the bones of Josef Haydn
to Vienna, where" the city fathers
say, "a fitting resting place will be
provided by the city" This will be
near the graves of Beethoven and
Schubert. Haydn was n years old
when he died in Vienna in 1909. He
vas buried in a little cemetery near
the Hundsturm line, and at the head
Of the grave was placed a small stone,
at the expense of his pupil, Sigmund
Knight of Neukomm. The stone bore
only the name Haydn" and the in
scription Non omnis mortar" In
1920 Prince Esterhazy had the body
removed to Eisenstadt, where Haydn
had been music director from 1860 to
1890, and there an elaborate monu-
ment with ample inscription was
erected.
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
Mans WAX Shows Ace.

you can tell a mans age by his
hands" said one Of the girls, "They
get knotty and veined and terrible,
They get old sooner than his face
you can tell it most of all, | think. {"
said the woman, "by his walk. l know
a man who has been one Of the bright.
est minds of his time, who is still the
best company know; but the other
day when | saw him come toward me
at his home along the hall It made
me awfully sad to c the heavy, old.
old way in which he walked
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27

The young couple drove to the rail
way after the wedding, accompanied
by the best man, who had once been
In love with the bride. Just before
the train started he handed a book to
the bride, saying; "You viii find that
a capital book to read on your honey
moon" After the train had started
the young husband said: what book
is that Tom has given your" To
gether they looked at It. 1t was ste.
V%enson's Travels with a Donkey"
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27

The American consul at Nankin ut.
ters a caution to his fellow country
men, who spend layishly on illustrated
catalogues on thick paper, handsome.
~ bound, which appear to be highly
priced by the Chinese at Nankin,
where the supply is at times unequal
to the demand. AS the English Ian.
guage is not yet a general accomplish
ment among the citizens, the consul
made inquiries and discovered that
the leaves Of the catalogues were be-
ing used as inside -oles for shoes.
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
Fads In Diet.

So many dietetic schemes have been
urged on what have been claimed to
be scientific reasons. and have proved
themselves in practice to be unsatis-
factory, that not a few practitioners
refuse to listen to any discussion on
the specific values of foodstuffs out
side the teachings of practical expert
ence.-Lopdon Hosnital.
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
Rule WORKING Both wavs.

An English judge expresses the
opinion that husbands should have
the legal right to inspect and revise
their wives visiting lists. The women
probably would be glad to acquiesce,
provided they were granted the same
privilege in respect to their hus-
bands visiting lists,-Washington
Hnralh
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
Taking Necessary Precautlon.

Neighbor-No one ever hears you
and your husband exchanging words.
DO you get along so excellently to-
gether?
Wife-Not at all; but we discovered
that the maid listened at the door.
Now we quarrel only on Sunday after
Moons between three and six, when
she's out of the house.-Fliegende
Blaetter.
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
New YOrk,s Temperature.

The records for New York are fair
" complete since 1922, and they show,
prior to the advent of the local bureau,
that our coolest year was in 1887, with
AN average temperature of 47.6 de-
grees, and the warmest in 1866, aver
aging 55.5. This would make a diff
ference Of about IA weeks in the pc
Rod of vegetation in the extreme
years.-N, Y. Times.
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
. Mt Jemlmah in Court.

V~anderhoof, the lawyer, tells Of an
honest old negress whom he met COM
ing from the court house. Good
morning, Aunt Jemimah, what have
you been doing in court?" With much
hauteur she replied: zone O. ma
friends jes' had a case &c de Judge,
en- Ise been down to glib my testifica-
ton"
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
L.oyaI.

Tommy Atkins Ito colonel, who has
brought him to see a memorial brass
in the church to those of their regi-
ment who fell in a late war)-Well,
sir, if Id a-known your name weren't
a-going to be amongst EN-, blest If I'd
have subscribed a penny to the thingl
Punch
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
Ia Clean Kltohen.

When walls or ceiling are papered
with oil cloth or painted, put on wash
boiler of water and close doors and
windows, and boil the water until
walls and ceilings are wet with
steam. Take a long-handled scrub
bling brush or broom, tie a soft rag
and wipe your walls. This will save
lots of time and trouble.
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
conslderate.

'Brethren," said Rev, Mr.. Good
man, bringing his sermon to a close
when scarcely half way through it, "it
Is too hot this morning for me to
preach and for you to listen. We will
sing From CIeenland's Icy Noun
aims emitting all but the first stanza,
II be dismissed
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
A STRENUOUS TASK.

Mercy where does all that pro-
family come FROM"
"From Bingleys garage. He's
in there trying to tinker up his car
in time Is get to church"
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
Bones Of Santa Claus.

How many persons know where the
bones of the originaI Santa Claus lie?
AT present they repose in a town in
southern Italy. where they have rested
for nearly nine centuries. Before
they We're laid to rest there the good
st. Nicholas was buried for six cen
turtles in Mvra
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
Flow to Two Oceans.

Two Oceans pass, in Yellowstone
bark, is so named because whenever
here is a shower in the vicinity and
certain small creek oyerhows, its
Raters spread out over the edge Of the
'ontinental divide and pass into tribu-
of rivers which flow to the At
and to the Pacific.
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
Secret of Happiness.

Keep true to your best faith and
dot the days with deeds which love
and kindness prompt. Be just in
your dealings and keep from stain
Of sin in thought and word, and
yo1 shall wear the crown of an ap-
rowing conscience and know the
Secret of the happy life.-I. Mench
Chambers.
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
rRouRLE All HoME.

scraggs This China trouble
grows more and more distressing.
Mrs. Scraggs-I should say It
did, That stupid girl broke two
more Of my best plates to-day.
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
ENGLISH Modestv.

1t is not the habit Of the average
English gentleman to brag of his bene-
factions, of anything attempted or
done, and, as a rule, he is a most dis
concerted person when his left hand
%discovereth what his right hand
doeth.=Motor World.
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
cIearIna.H House for poas and Cats.

New York's Bide-A-Wee home is a
combination cat and dog clearing
house and home for the friendless.
Last year the home received 1871
dogs and 1929 cats. Of the dogs,
homes We're found for 1888, while S25
cats were -Elaced- in quarters
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
South and North rousther

In resources and in population-yea,
and in fighting blood also-this coun-
try is perhaps the most powerful on
earth, even as it is one Of the most
unready in defense.-New Orleans
Times.nemncra
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
Many Failed to Vote.

There are 161,127 persons in the
Philippine islands qualified to vote
$500 pesos property qualification, and
of this number only 123,9S7 voted at
the last municipal elections.
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
Housewives Walk.

a woman who once wore a pedo-
meter to find out how much walking
she did in the house discovered that
under the most favorable conditions
she Travelled 1888 miles daily in her
household tasks. If the 3S 1-S per
cent. of unnecessary steps, or 2.46
miles of daily travel, had been added,
calculates the Delineator, she would
iave walked in one year in doing her
%Aousework more than $500 miles.
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
Spanish SUPERSTITION.

There is a Spanish proverb that "On
Tuesday one should never travel or
marry" and this superstition is so in.
grained that even in Madrid there are
never any weddings on Tuesdays, AND
trains are almost empty.
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27

Many a woman has married a fellow
to make a new man of him, and then,
having succeeded, somehow or other
she doesn't care for the new man.
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
Mans %lnsInosrltx.

Those who are most given to COM
plimenting women are generally least
inclined to make them citizens.-Lady
Henry Somerset, in London Opinion.
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
Deserts Shifting Sands.

The crescent-shaped sand dunes
Which move in thousands across the
lesert of Islay, near La Joya, Peru,
have been investigated by Astronomer
5. /. Bailey, Who found the points of a
Nerescent to be 100 feet apart, while
Che convex side measured AZ. feet and
the greatest width was more than 100
eet. The estimated weight was 5000
! pns, yet it was carried 1876 feet a
ar by the prevailing south winds.
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
Confederate Notes.

A woman in Richmond possesses
the only complete collection of con-
federate notes-national, state and
wildcat bank bills-in existence.
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
An Electric Rock.

There is a story going the rounds
the effect that a rock has been
sovered in the vicinity OF Mont.
Mex, which by simple rubbing
electric sparks and produces
lue light of remarkable clarity.
lples Of the stone have been sent
be geological institute at Washing.
d. q, and also to Thomas A.
son ior analysis.
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
The coronaeh.

The coronach, or mourning for the
dead, Is stiIl heard in many parts Of
Scotland as well as Ireland. 1t is a
weird chant, cries Of lamentation be-
ing mingled with circumstances ad-
dressed to the departed for leaving his
Friends and relatives.
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27
NeM Is the Accented rlme.

This Is the high tide of the year;
Joy II while you may, for presently
hood of new life will halt, all YER
re grow rusty, and another measure
your existence, another one of your
ountfully given chances to do some
-ning to warrant your being on this
good earth at all, will have gone for
eyer.-Boston Globe.
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1907-07-27

Hell would leave you all my for.
tune, as you know, | have no heir.
She-I suppose that's the reason you
never take your hat off.
The Lee County journal. (Leesburg, Ga.) 1904-19??, 1907-08-23
The Home Of the Holy Grail
by HAvELoCK ELLIS.

The mystic shrine of Monsalvat,
the home of the Holy Grail borne
away from human strife to that re-
mote corner of the world, long haunt
ed the medieval mind. AS the orig
inally Celtic tale of Sir Percival slow
ly developed in Germany, Monsalvat
became an essential part of the le-
gend it was inevitable that when
in modern times that legend again
energies in the browning achievement
of Wagner's genius, the Grail is still
preserved by a religious order at
Monsalvat, in Gothic Spain, not far
from the land of the Moslems.
The northerners who dreamed of
Monsalvat in their moments of fer
vent devotion or romantic exaltation.
had heard a rumor, but for the most.
part they knew little or nothing of
its kernel of fact. Yet the rumor
itself is the most potent evidence of
the worldwide fascination which the
ancient mountain shrine of Montser-
rat eXerted over the imagination of
men for more than a thousand years,
and, indeed, still exerts even to-day.
1t is in vain that one climbs the
heights OF Montserrat with memories
of Amfortas and the pure fool"
When we have made our way up, be-
yond even the shrine and the menas-
te:y, to the great ravine which is
said to have rent the summit Of the
mountain at the moment of the Cru
cifxion, and when we have passed
the fantastic row of rocky pinnacles
to which the name of Guardians of
the Holy Grail" has been assigned,
we have seen all that there is to con-
meet the real Montserrat with the
legendary Monsalyat. Perhaps we
should be we'll content that so sub
lime a symbol has long been borne
away to an invisible home, and that
the Holy Grail should have its sole
and immortal shrine in the human
ina gination.-
The Lee County journal. (Leesburg, Ga.) 1904-19??, 1907-08-23
WISE WORDS.

Many man who acts like bear
is foxy.
It's easy to discourage a man who
hasn't any courage.
Nearly all free-thinking men are
in the bachelor class.
Tomorrow is the only time to bor-
row if you wouldn't sorrow.
1t doesn't do a particle of good to
yawn when some people talk.
II you want thing done well
don't do it yourself unless you know
how.
AS a matrimonial prize a homeIy
girl makes good more often than a
pretty one.
When a girl shows young man
a photograph of herself she expects
him to ask for it.
A woman isn't satisfied if her hus-
bands life is an open book-unless
it is a check book.
AS long as the earth is inhabited
men and women will continue to stir
up trouble for each other
If men were compelled to practice
what they preach most Of them would
give up the preaching habit.
Some people will be awfully disap-
pointed if they get to heaven and
can't find anything to find fault with.
About the meanest thing a woman
can do when her husbands name is
mentioned is to sigh, look resigned
and say nothing. - From Pointed
Paragraphs" in the Chicago News.