The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-08-10
DRIFT " OD
BY PHIL N. ARMSTRONG

Roosevelt is going into Newport so- lately introduced the elite of that place Newport shan't lack for novelty now, If they fined us little thing like s2s.ooo.ooo wed just laugh.
 Scientists say if you eat an onion every meal you will live to be a hun dred. We have our doubts about you living very long around some people if you eat them and insist on exercising your loquacious propensities.
 And still the outrages and murders continue in Darkest New York. VIII there ever be stop to'it?
 The editor of The Americus (Ga) Times Recorder says he can become in- toxicated with the beauty of the Geor- gia girls in spite of the prohibition law. If he should come to Montgomery he'd not only get intoxicated but blind bleeding drunk" as we have, in spite of The Norfolk Landmarks objections to our statement. that we have the pret- tiest girls in the South for the size of our town.
 What a pity such an historical over sight occurred as to have prevented Teddy Roosevelt from being present to make suggestions to Adam when he hahCo the ohihaAS.
 Oh. no; genius doesn't wear ragged clothes and uncombed hair any more. These days their clothes have been known to actually fit:
 Tolstoi says that there are no more great writers; that even the so-called ones are inclined toward artificiality. The great philosopher is correct: this Is an age when writers seem to think wholly nf fhQ OnarCial UalnA nf their work and leave absolutely no room for art. In our opinion no great work can be produced, especially in America. for one thousand years yet, as 1t will take cal change from the theory of com mercialism to that of finer sentiment. Vital statistics from a local source years there will not be a woman in Montgomery. Thank goodness. when that time arrives we'll be some where in the great Subsequently.
 Isn't 1t funny the amount of work we will do and call 1t amusement. where as one-tenth of a like amount of en- ergy expended in actual labor would make us throw up the sponge and hol- Ter bloody murder.
 If you want to See a bored look on the face of the solitary summer man. just watch his expression when bunch of girls gather on the front porch and start to discussing clothes.
 When a mans mother in-law Is sub ject to sinking spells he is always hoping she'll take an ocean voyage and thus fall overheard.
 Poets are singing. in spite of the heat" says The Birmingham Age-Her- aid. You don't think they'd mind the heat with beer 20 cents a bucket, do you?
 Dead Give Away.
 q always hate to take Jones up to soda fountain with bunch of girls" Indeed and for what reason?" 'Oh. while he drinks his dope. from force of habit he makes wild grabs at the end of the marble slab for an im- aginary free lunch"
 Good Enough.
 whats good for mosquito bites?" '"Peek-a boo waists"
 All Wrong. Meet misfortune with a smile" Sings the Cheer-Up Poet, That's how the feller sings who's never Had chance to know It. A man. when trouble comes to him, Can never as rule Stand around and wear grin, Unless he is fool:
 Keeping it Going. A little hammock now and then Is rel
 tshed by the sleepy men.
 Baltimore Sun. But if she's there a place to take, you
 bet they're pretty wide awake.
 Indianapolis News. Especially we rise to shout. If her old
 dad should wander out.
 Milwaukee Sentinel. But father won't put in his oar you bet
 that dads been there before!
 -Buffalo News. And ma. of course. will never care
 while all they do is swing out
 there.
 Chicago Record Herald. duplex thudi A thrilling scream; on,
 treacherous rope! Flee loves
 young dream.
 New York Tribune. A helping hand a courtly bow, ana
 Cupid's victor anyhow.
 Washington Times. And so they married, to fuss and rret- In hammock he can't swing now