The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1907-04-13
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us Watkins an optimistr' sYes-
he'll eat hash in any restaurant In the
country."-Detroit Free Press.
THE janitor Is sweeping the back
porches. I wonder whyY' II don't
know. I didn't ask him not to-
Cleveland Press.
He (about II 80 p. m. ~ do wish I
had money enough to travel. She (sti-
ding yawn)-May l not lend you your
carfare Boston Transcript
She-Do you think our ancestors
were monkeys? He-Mine were. The
whole bunch didn't leave money enough
TO buy a toothpick Chicago News.
Stella-I wonder why sentiment at,
taches to first kiss? Bella-It's like
the first tooth you've got to have 1t be-
fore you get the second. Brooklyn
Life.
First Chauffeur-There's one thing
hate to run over, and that's baby.
Second Chauffeur-So do 1; them nur-
sing bottles raise Cain with tires
Puck.
Miss Swellington What prompted
Miss Golddust to take that old bache-
lor? Miss Wellington (sarcastically)
guess.-Lippincott's
Magazine.
Mrs. Newedde- Certainly you may
take some of those biscuits to your
friend Is he hungry, too? Weary
No, mum; he's geologist New Or
leans Picayune.
Church-Does your wife spend much
Of her time shopping? Gotham-She
says not. She says she spends most of
her time waiting for her change
Yonkers Statesman.
"Now, Johnny" asked the teacher,
what do we see in the country besides
grass, trees and fowers?" Patent
medicine signs !" was the prompt reply.
Courier-Journal.
dudley has an automobile, hasn't
he?" IT. don't know" "Why, I
thought you told me you saw him with
one yesterday" Eyes, but that was
yesterday. Philadelphia Press.
"What becomes Of a joke when it
gets too old for the almanac?" "The
theatrical program gets it." And from
there it's but a step to the musical
comedy, eh?'-Philadelphia Bulletin.
Customer-So you sell these watches
at SIS each? 1t must cost that much to
make them. Jeweler-It does. Gus
tomer-Then how do you make any
money? Jeweler-Repairing them
Stray Stories.
The Widow want man to do odd
Jobs about the house, run on errands:
one that never answers back and Is al
ways ready to do my bidding. Appli-
cant-You're looking for husband.
ma Eagle.
Mr.. Borem-She asked me to sing,
and insisted upon encore after encore.
Miss Pepper-Yes; she told me after
ward that anything was better than sit
ting there and talking to you all the
evening.-Illustrated Bits.
"Wyndley doesn't play the cornet any
more, does heY "No, he thought he'd
better give it up" bad for his lungs,
ehY" ut wasn't that. One of the
neighors shot two keys off the instru-
ment while he was playing it."-Cleve-
land Plain Dealer.
HAS your wife got your den fixed
up YETI" Eyes. and you ought to see It
It's the coolest place in the whole
house." II suppose you find great COM
fort in it, don't your" "Oh, she won't
let me go in it. It's merely to look at"
Sentinel.
"Young Jolliem always says tho
right thing, doesn't he? He never
seems at loss for the proper reply.
swell. I saw him nonplussed once"
.tHow was that?" miss Keene asked
him II he thought she looked as old az
she was."-Cleveland Leader.
Ibid you ever succeed in swaying an
audience to laughter or tears at Wilt
"No." answered Senator Sorghum; Il
recognize the fact that all the worlds
a stage. l don't care to be reciting
speeches. want to be one of the men
IN tho box Observation-Disclosures Star.
Teacher-Now, boys, what is the vir-
the of magnanimity? Pupils-Awf
Teacher-What Is 1t II big boy want
Cd an apple very badly, and were to
meet a small boy with one in place
where nobody could take the small
bov,s part- Glass with eager lie
Iumination)-Dat's cinch !-Balu-
more American.