The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1907-01-25
BILLY BRYAN ABROAD
fearful Tale OF How His PIanks
We're Pilfered by Teddy.
TRIED TO TR0T IN FAST BUNCH
Visits cxar with Copy OF commoner
in Pocket. Which is Suppressed
by Guard-~caIls on The
Seven Spot

through. The Elder left this mopl
Many years ago there WAS man
named Billy Bryan who spoke from
The chest and wore his hair long. For
"A long time he played in a Bush
League and took Medals for Speaking
Pieces a. the Meetings OF the Corn
HuRkers down In Nehrasky. Bill dis
covered Early that ho had Voice
that would Garry three times. Bill
discovered Early that he had a Nerve
Destroying Bang against the Barn
Door. Ho could call the Hired Hands
TO dinner without Moving from his
Tracks. and he had no Use Whatever
for the Long Distance Telephone.
After while Billy announced that
he wanted to Trot In Fast Company,
ana he was allowed to Pitch couple
OF Games for the National League.
In his first game, whlchr Is described
at Length in his book called the First
Battle the Score was Sixteen to One
in favor OF the Other Side. Billy de-
cided that Il was one of the Things
which should be Borne with Cheerful
Resignation and went back Home 10
Nobrasky TO timber up his Voice and
Practice a few more curves for tha
next Contest,
In the next Game, the Opposition
was Dead Next 10 his Delivery and
they Simply walked Home. Billy was
Long on Theory but his Technique
was Rotten, so he went back Home
again and became a Recluse lie edit
ed a Paper which he read carefully %
Himself and began making Cracks
about the Bum way In which Ne
Republican party was running thing"
After many years Btlly once more be.
gan to sec Sixtecn-to- one lining
IN the Clouds Of Adversely tha; oy-
erhung his Wicklup AMI he decided to
Travel.
Put out the Fire in the Ktche1
stove" he tells his wife, and whistla
for the Dog Were going to take =
row Hikes into the Homes Of the
Famous to see how they are gcttIag
along"
The next day BILLY started Around
the World, His ticket called for A
Stop-over at the Philippines, 80 that
he would have an opportunity to sec
the Mismanagement Of the Republica |
Party in our 1nsular Possessions. AZ
ter staying fifteen Minutes at Manlh,
he went to Toxic and saw the Mikado,
He informed the Emperor that he was
the Logical Candidate fer Mikado u
The United States two Times, but that
the enemy had Tipped off his signals
and hc was Ratiel out OF the Rox each
Time, The Milsado said be was sorry,
hut not TO Let It happen Again,
Then he Went to India where h,
saw that the time was ripe for a big
Political rrhcaval He told the Ma.
harajah of Beiru, that II he helpo I
Him to hccomo the Khan u Kan Kan
he would Free India from the Morcen-
AIRY English. we can't can the prc7.
ont Kahn OF Kan Kan" replied Maha
raiah, being fond of ALTERATION. and
50 Billy went away, Then he Casual
ly Dropped in on the Car Of Russia
10 ask him how he liked the Spring
Styles In Internal Machines. when
Billy walked into the Presence Of the
Car, Nicholas had him Searched he.
cause he had heard that over here in
the United states Billy had been called
an Anarchist Billy had one Edition
Of the Commoner In his pocket which
was promptly Suppressed by tho Pal.
ace Guard
Then Billy Cabled homo TO have his
Knee breeches sent 10 him at London
SO that he could Call on King Edward
the Seven Spot Upon arriving at the
Court OF st James Billy learned that
his Long Suit, which was a Prince Al
bert, was Greatly IN Vogue so No
broke into The Presence Of the Kins
SN4ys I, MI.