The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1907-07-14
THE GENTLE CRATER
By o. HENRY.
Conscience In Art.

W w
Copyright. 1907. bp s. s. Mcclure Co. IN Unaed state
and Great Britain.
Il never could hold my partner, Andy
Tucker. down to the legitimate ethics Of
pure s~windling,' said JEFF Peters.
ANDY had too much Imagination to be
honest. He used TO devise schemes oil
money getting so fraudulent and high
financial that they wouldn't have been al
lowed in the bylaws OF a railroad rebate
system.
Myself, I never believed in taking any
mans dollars unless 1 gave him something
FOR it-something in the way OF rolled gold
~jewelry. garden seeds. lumbago lotion.
stock certificates. stove polish or a crack
on the head to show for his money. I guess
1 must have had New England ancestors
away back and inherited some Of their
stanch and rugged fear Of the police.
But Andy's family tree was In different
kind. l don't think he could have traced
his descent any further back than a soul
less corporation.
-One summer while we was in the middle
West working down the Ohio valley with a
line OF family albums. headache powders
and roach destroyer. Andy takes the notion
VI Ilkn uhu lila.
JEFF says he, I've beer thinking
that we ought TO drop these rutabaga
fanciers and give our attention to some
thing more nourishing and prolific. II
we keep on ~snapshooting these kinds for
their egg money we'll be classed as nature
takers. How about p~lunging into the
Businesses OF the skyscraper country and
biting some big bull caribou In the chestr
We'll says /, you know my lido
syncrasies. I prefer a square, non-illegal
style of business such as we are carving
on now. When l take money 1 want to
leave some tangible object in the other
fellows hands for him to gaze at and to
distract his attention from my spoor,
even IL it's only a Komical Russ Trick
Finger Ring for Squirting Perfume in a
Friends Eye. But il you've got a fresh
idea, Andy says l, let's have a look at
IL. I'm not 40 welded to petty graft that
I would refuse something better in the
way Of a subsidy
~'I was thinking says Andy, of a little
hunt without horn, hound or camera
among the great herd OF the Midas Ameri-
y canus, commonly known as the Pittsburg
millionaire
In New York; I asks.
No, SIR says Andy, in Pittsbur1.
That's their habitat. They don't like New
York. They go there now and then Just
because it's expected Of EN-.
"A Pittsburg millionaire in New York
is like a fly in q cup Of hot ooffee-he at
tracts attention and comment, but he
don't enjoy it. New York ridicules him
for blowing" 80 much money in that
own Of sneaks and snobs, and sneers.
The truth is. he don't spend anything
while he is there. 1 saw q memorandum
Of expenses for a ten days trip to Bunkum
Town made by a Pittsburg man worth
SIS, 900. 900 once. Here's the way he set
it down:
n. r. fare 70 and nom. -------- Su 90
Cab faro 70 and from hotel.--.--- 400
Hotel bill o 10 a day 30 90
Total. 90
That's the vice Of New York goes on
Andy. The towns nothing but q head
waiter. II you tip IL too much It'll go and
stand by the door and make fun of you
to the hat check boy. When q Pittsburger
wants to spend money and have a good
time he stays at home. That's where well |
go to catch him.
We'll, to make a dense story more con-
densed, me and Andy cached our paris
green antipyrins powders and albums
in q friends oellar and took the trail to
Pittsburg. Andy didn't have any special
prospectus Of ohioanery and violence drawn
up. but he always had plenty OF conf
a hal his immoral nature would rise
to any occasion that presented itself.
As Q concession to my ideas Of SELF
preservation and rectitude he promised that
II i should take al active and discriminating
part IN any little business venture that we
might work up there should be something
actual and oo~gnizant to the senses Of touch,
eight. taste or smell to transfer to the victim
for the money so my conscience might rest
easy. After that I felt better and entered
more cheerfully INTO the foul play.
Andy says I, as we strayed through
no smoke along the cinderpath they call
Smithfeld street. had you figured out
how We are going to get acquainted with
these coke kings and pig iron squeezes?
Not that I would deooy my own worth or
SYSTEM Of drawing room department and
work with the olive fork and pie knife
says I. but isn't the entree nous into the
salons Of the stogie smokers going to be
harder than you imagined?'
s'If there's any handicap at ALL says
Andy. It's our own refinement and inherent
cuAtuf0. EitspurB niihonalres are a nne
body Of plain. wholehearted. unassuming,
democratic men.
They are rough but uncivil in their
manner and though their ways are bolster
and unpublished. under it all they have
a great deal Of impolteness and dis
courtesy. Nearly every one Of EN- rose
from ~obscurity,' says Andy. I'M they'll
live in 1t till the town gets to using smoke
II we act simple and I'M
affected and don't go too far from the
and keep making a noise like an
import duty on steel rails we won't have
any trouble at all in meeting some Of
'em socially
We'll, Andy and me drifted about town
three or four days getting our bearings.
got to knowing several OF the million
aires by sight.