The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-12-20
y '%s:SELhsHES
ION
41N1NN~~~o

| If 1t were yours. Pick Me-Up.
Don't you think that doctor comes
oftener than he needs tor" How should
| know what his needs arep-Life.
"Do you think Dauber's picture
worth catalogue price| "lt's still
quarter, isn't it|-Harper's Weekly.
How do you know he hasn't any
sense of humorP Because he hasn't
any sense of any kind."-Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
She-To satisfy me you must make
my shoes Shoemaker-Veryl large
Inside and very small outside Trans
atlantic Tales.
She-What prompted Miss Gold to
take that old bachelorY he (sarcasti-
cally) )-Kleptomania, l should think
Literary Digest.
"Have you lived here all your life,
friend" mot yit, but ef l don't git
money enough to move | reckon I'll
have to!-Atlanta Constitution.
Little Girl (after a domestic scene
with her mother)-The best thing for
US to do mamma, Is to agree to q sep
aration. -Meggendorfer Blaetter.
| She-There is at least one woman In
the world who can thank you for rem
dering her happy for life. He-Why,
I'm not married She-That's what |
mean illustrate Bits.
"Do you expect to make people be-
lieye all you sayT NO." answered
Senator Sorghum; "lt will be pretty
good job IL convince them that be-
lieve all of it myself. Washington
Star.
Nurse-Come indoors at once, Master
Richard, and be good boy. You won't
60 to heaven II you're SO naughty. Mas
J ter Richard-I don't want to go to
heaven; | want to 60 with father -
London Sketch.
Take dinner with us tomorrow,
Count?" Gould you not make 1t
breakfast2 | have numerous invita-
tions to dinner each week, but ] can
not live on re one meal a day."-Lou-
isville Courier Journal.
Waiter-Mr. Brown left his umbrel-
la again, sir. do believe he'd leave
his head If it were loose. Robinson
l dare say you're right l heard him
say yesterday he was going to Switzer'
land for his lungs-Ally Sloper.
| Gentleman Lodger-I say, Mrs. Nap
per, | don't care for your bacon thii
morning. 1t doesn't seem fresh. Mrs
Napper-Very strange, sir. The shop
man said 1t was only cured last week
Gentleman Lodger-Well, 1t must have
had relapse
IF you do not take care of youl
money" said the ant to the grasshop
per, 1.-The world will simply sneer ant
ask what you did with it." "Yes; ant
| IL invest 1t and become rich, thu
world will sneer and ask me where
got Washington Star.
Hasn't Woodby got his coat-of-arm
yet? Why, he told me he was going Il
look up his ancestry the first chanc
he got, and" "Well, l believe h
got chance to look up his family tree
but he saw some things hanging to tn
branches that discouraged further re
search" - Catholic Standard AM
Times.
"You insurance agents are careles
| bunch" growled Mr.. Busyman. Your
: the third that has been In here to-day
, and not one of you has shut the doc
after him." "That's not carelessness,
answered the agent. "On the contrary
it's a matter Of precaution."-Cleve
land Leader.
Diplomatic Bachelor (who has fol-
gotten whether the baby is boy o
J girl)-Well, we'll, but he's fine littl
fellow, isn't she? How old is 1t now
Do her teeth bother him much?
hope he gets through its second sun
mer without getting sick. She look
like you, doesn't he? Everyone says
does.-Puck.
speaking of bad falls remarke
Jones, II fell out of window one
and the sensation was terrible. Du
| Ing my transit through the air real
| believe | thought Of every mean act
/ had ever committed in my life." HIN
! rrowled Thompson. "You must ha'
fallen an awful distance !-Philade
phla Inquirer.
/ Professor coming from his ell
! holding up triumphantly his umbrel
to his wife)-You see, my dear Aim
how stupid are all the anecdotes abo
= our absent -mindedness; you see,
haven't forgotten my umbrella. MI
Professor-But, my dear, you didI
take your umbrella with you; you le
n Mt home.-Frankfort Witzblatt
John and Willie are twins The
best friend and playfellow is Arch
who is gifted with red hair and a b
? temper. One day they quarreled a
Archie started home in hun. T
/ unsympathetic twins called after b
"red head, red head" Archie seem
NOT To hear until the insult was