Alaska sentinel., 1907-02-28
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Howell-Did that fellow who want ed you to invest have a sure thing, as he claimed? Powell-Yes; was It. Judge.
 Friend-If you love Miss Gotrox, old man, why don't you marry herr Bache- Tor Doctor-Heayens! man, she is one of my best patients Judge. Effle-But papa, how do you know that 1t was a stark that brought us the new baby2 Papa-Because, my dear, just saw his bill Home Companion.
 It would be easier to be content with little If nobody had any more.-Life. Visltor-What are you doing here, my poor man? Convlct-Time, mum. Baltimore American.
 Ignorance of the law" said the judge, excuses no one" 'That being the case,' rejoined the prisoner, "its a wonder the jury didn't find my lawyer guilty. ."-Chicago Daily News.
 "Our imitation Is really considerably better than the real thing" "You don't say! Then hadn't we better fegin cautioning the public to beware of the genuine eT'-Louisville Courier-Journal. she-Were you ever in street car accident? He-Yes. The car was com pletely wrecked, but the passengers were packed so tight that only the out side layers were injured.-Chicago News.
 Let me see," said she, "what Is it you call these men who run automo- piles" Pardon me-" replied the gal lant man. "I'm too much of a gentle man to tell you what I call them."- Philadelphia Ledger.
 "Slowboy Is about discouraged. He's been waiting ten years for promotion and hasn't got It yet" "That's the trouble. If he'd worked more and waited less he'd have had 1t long ago" Detroit Free Press.
 What a wonderful vocabulary the new minister has," said Mrs. Oldcastle. 1Co, ACpiiSo hCl hOolCoS, ie Q oAhiOcs as big as Josiah's Uncle Williams was, only his turned into a goitre, at last {" Chicago Record Herald.
 q wonder" said the man who was given to thought at times, q wonder what Is meant by the embarrassment of riches'?" "The poor relation, very likely" replied the man who was one. Philadelphia Public Ledger. Dashaway-I want you to meet Miss Hopper. Stunning girl. Just back from Europe. Cleverton-Her first visit? Yes" "Well, old man, if It's the same to you, I'll wait until she's gotten through telling about .t"-Life. Wait a minute till get my clothes off l" came a shrill voice from the back end of the cable car. All the strap holders turned their heads as one man. It was a small boy striving to drag off the hamper containing his mothers washing.-Judge.
 gest a game for a rainy afternoon)-. Why don't you pretend you are me? And George can be daddy. Then you might play at housekeeping. Daughter But, mother, we've quarreled once already !-Punch.
 That's all right, sis," answered Tommy. "I could see that you were only playing telephone. He was ring ing you up-oh, you needn't hide your left hand behind you-but he had his lips entirely too close to the receiver" Chicago Tribune.
 Cant you find any work at allT' asked the kind lady of Prayed Frank lin. "Plenty, mum. But everybody wants references from me last en- ployer." Cant you get them?" "No, mum. He's been dead 2S years."- Milwaukee Sentinel.
 You don't realize that there are other considerations in life than money" said the censorious friend. "Yes, I do," answered Senator Sor- ghum. But whenever I want any. thing done I can't get the other fellow to realize t"-Washington Star.
 "Oh, lady, do love peach cake, " hinted the hungry hobo as he rested his greasy sleeve on the gatepost. "Well," replied the housewife with the rolling pin, suppose I should make you some peach cake. Would you do any work2" Would I, mum? Why, I would do de hardest work ever did in my life." And what would you do" "Why, I'd climb dat tree and get enough peaches fer de cake."-Chi- cago Daily News.