davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1907-10-12
QUITE ELIGIBLE.

A big, burly-looking fellow, per
walked into the Office of a prominent
accident insurance company the other
day, and applied for a policy.
Certainly" said the secretary. are
you engaged in any hazardous Dusi-
ness?" :,
mot in the least" replied the appli-
cant.
Does your business make 1t neces-
sary for you to handle loaded firearms
or weapons of any kind?"
mo, sir"
would your business ever require
you to be where there were excited
crowds-for instance, at q riot or
hre?"
every seldom"
"Is your business such as to render
you liable to injury from tram-cars OF
runaway horses?"
mo, sir
Does your business throw you II
contact with the criminal classeS
Every rarely, indeed, sir"
IT think that you are eligible. Wha'
| In your business?"
I am policeman"
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1907-10-12

Grapes Beyond His Purse, Boy Took
Humble Substitute.

James Wilson, the secretary OF agri-
culture, was discussing in Washington
the aid which his department gives
the American farmer. He pointed
out the benefit that had been derived
from the introduction of darum wheat.
of the wheat-testing machine, and OF
the method of extracting potash from
granite.
I'm fact" said Mr.. Wilson, smiling,
81 believe that eventually our finest
products will be cheap enough to be
within the reach of all. Then the
story of the boy and the dollhouse
grapes will be as dead and ANTICIPATED
as the theater hat stories of the past
This boyle was a bootblack-
entered a grocer's store one day, and
pointing to some superb grapes, said
"'Wots the price O them there
mister?'
lone dollar a pound. my lad tn
clerk replied.
"a look of anguish passed over TN
BOYS face, and he said. hastily:
"sThen give us cents worth Q
carrots. I'm dead nuts on fruit"
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1907-10-12
Than Ne MeIted AWAY.

Count Hickoff-You refuse me re
one kiss! Why, at Newport was
loiniZed.
Miss Tabasco-I thought perhaps
were galvanized.
Count Hickoff-Galvanized? How
extraordinary you do speak. Why?
Miss Tabasco-Because you have
such a hard cheek.-Chicago Daily
News.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1907-10-12

old lady had dropped from her posi-
ton of householder to that of house
hold drudge under her rule, so natur-
ally that the transition was hardly
noticed in the family.
Fired Pringle, how often have l
told you not to come to the table until
your shoes were properly laced!"
The son and heir had come in, his
shoe laces dragging behind him.
Grandma wouldn't tie 'em for me.
Mean old thingl"
Your mother is getting crosser ev-
cry day of her life" Mrs. Pringle
turned to her husband with re-
proachful air, as IL he was very much
to blame for being the son of such
reprehensible mother.
"Grammas back hurried so she
couldn't 'toop down." said little Rosie,
on defensive.
First we know she'll be laid up on
our hands with infiammatory rheuma-
tism." Mrs. Pringle took new tack
of alarm. Il tell you, Martin Pringle,
there's going to be change in this
family and before long too. am not
going to be tied down to nursing q
sick old woman, can tell you that
swell, well, I'm in hurry and
haven time to talk about it now
Mr.. Pdnsle bolted his food and mum
BLEED Lie reply GROSSLY.
Six weeks from that day there was
a poor, decrepit bundle of humanity
sitting detected. in corner of ONT
of the great depots of Chicago.
Her eyes were heavy and blearet
with many tears, and she seemed hal
dazed. and stunned by the noisy bus
tile about her. A faded old wallis
stood at her feet, and she wearil
drew q seed cake from a small ba
on her arm, and tried t. bite 1t oil
with her toothless gums.
Here, grandmother, have some G
my LUNCH" said pleasantfaced lad
coming from another seat and sittin
down beside her my daughter ha
mt M su much for me l never ca
cat It alone, I'm sure" She had bee
watching the poor old body for ha
hour past, with a heart overfowin
with pity for her evident loneliness.
Thank ye kindly. ma'am, replie
the old lady. taking a tender san
wich and . soft toothsome piece
cake from the friendly hand
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1907-10-12
A Sian which Failed.

Young Husband-Seems to me, my
dear. this chicken is pretty tough.
Young Wife, know it is, and |
can't understand it at all. l picked 1t
out myself.
Did you examine it closely?
Indeed l did. / looked III its mouth
the first thing and could see it hadn't
even cut it's first teeth yet. IN. '.
Weekly.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1907-10-12

GRANDMA, come tie my shoes.
emma, please button my dress.
The old lady hurried to comply with
the latter request to the disregard OF
the first command.
"Tie up your own shoes, dearie'
that's a good boy" she said, coaxing-
Nv. TO the heavy-eyed, fretful looking
boy in the nursery.
II shan't," he retorted sullenly. II
tell ma on you II you don't mind me-
But my bones ache so, sonny,
she demonstrated. 1T hurts me 10
get down. Come now. be good to
Grandma"
81 don't care. What you here Tor
r. faint to work." he said with incip'
lent brutality.
THE Lord knows, sonny. what I'm
here for. Seems like there amt nc
room In the world for my poor Ole
bones"
You notify bad boy to make Gam
ma KY" cried little Rose, striking al
him with her little, fat hand. "Posit
loves Gamma. Rosie does -ursuet
the little comforter, huggins her small
arm around the wrinklod neck, "weI
Rosie diets big sbe II have big
splendid house, el' Gamma shall liv'
in it, an wei play al-ll day, won
we, Gamma.
II rope 90, darlin'." The old lad
brr she'd away a hot tear, for she wa
.,ot so hardened to abuse that SD
had gotten beyond the sting of 1t. an
a kind word touched her even NOR
keenly than the harsh ones.
Mrs. Pringle was a second WIZ
The gentle mother Of these childre
lay sleeping in her grave. She ha
died when Rosie was born, and tn
grandmother had brought the bah
through the perils of infancy in add
ton to her other cares. Martin Pril
gle had married again, after decor
interval, much more snowy and sly
fish woman than his first wife hs
been. In strict justice to her, it mu
be confessed that she was a tolerab
kind mother to the children; but Il
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1907-10-12
Beware Of Ointments for Catarrh
that Contain Mercury,

a mercury will surely destroy the sense OF smell
and completely dcraIge the whole system when
entering It through the mucous surfacee. such
articles should never be used except on pfescr1p-
tons from suitable physicians the damage they
win do IL ten fold the good yen can possibly de.
live from them. Hslrs Catarrh Cure, manufactured
by r. ]. Cheney D Co., Toledo, o., contains no mer-
curry and IL taken internally, acting directly upon
the blood and mucous surfaces of the system. II
buying Halls Catarrh Cure be sure you get the
eenune IL Is tax en- internally and made In Toledo
Ohio ty F. J. Cheney q Co. Testimonials free.
Sold BY Druggfsts. Price. 75c. per bottle.
Taks Hairs Family Pills for constipation.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1907-10-12
She Experimental.

A little girl of five was taken to
church one Sunday, and listened with
unexpected attention to the sermon,
which graphically told the story OF
the shilling of the tempest on the Sea
of Galilee, and how Christ walked on
the waves. In the afternoon her moth
err missed her and began an anxious
search of the house AS she neared
the bathroom she heard sounds OF
splashing, and hurried to the door to
behold a small. excited face peering
over the rim of the big white tub, and
to hear a small. excited voice ex
claim: Say, mamma, this walking
on the water is quite trick"
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1907-10-12
SUFFICIENT credentials.

Careful parent-Before l can give
consent to your proposed marriage
to my daughter, must know some
thing about your character.
Suitor-Certainly, sir. Here Is my
bank book.
Careful Parent latter glance)-
Take her. my son, and be happy.-N
Y. Weekly.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1907-10-12
w.x "a choose q Husband.

women should choose husbands as
they do their gowns" says the oracu-
lar Nixola Greeley-Smith.
Which reminds us that a young lady
in our neighborhood was heard to say
that she wants husband full of bus
tle.-Chicago Journal.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1907-10-12
PREPARING for the Future.

$50 you want more wages?" said
the warden of the penitentiary.
That's what / do" answered the
cook. This talk of Furnishing trust
magnates is getting me more nervous
every day. If I've got to learn to cook
terrapin and lobster a la Newberg, !
want more pay. And what's more
want to be called chef Wash
ington Star.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1907-10-12
Disappointed.

Nan-You told me he was young
man with an established reputation
Fan-Well?
Mani find he is young man with
reputation, but no establishment
Chicago Tribune.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1907-10-12

Mermaid-What in the world 10 vAe
matter? You look like you had been
up against bucksaw.
Neptune-Yes, confound 1t! since
those motor boats are flying around
here no one is safe.-Chicago Daily
News.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1907-10-12
Would Make Rich Crop.

1t is estimated that 100000 acres
are available for rice growing in
Louisiana and Texas. and the value
of such crop would be 100000, 900.
This would make che rice crop fifth
in point of value among the cereals of
this country.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1907-10-12

Polly-Wotever's the matter with
you, James? You look as II some
thing had frightened you.
James-You'll get fright, too
when you turn your head round and
see your mother.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1907-10-12
|FA q I<EslD ga
STILES

From Start to Finish.
BE NINE" he implored.
Certainly she replied.
And SO they were married and
"Beware!" he cried.
"Oh, fudge" she exclaimed
So they were divorced and lived happily
ever after.
Chicago Daily News.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1907-10-12
Guaranteed.

Diggs-There's one good thing
about self-made men.
Biggs-~What is that?
Diggs-A manufacturers guaranty
goes with every one of them.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1907-10-12
Had Wrecked the Machine.

Owner OF motor car Ito chauheur)
Have you a recommendation from
your last employer?
Chauffeur-No. sir: but can get
one in the course of month or 90.
Owner of Motor Car-Why the Dc
lay?
Chauffeur-He's In hospital.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1907-10-12
Pointed Conversation.

"Jack, am going away"
Going away, Madse?"
"Yes, going away. But before l go
/ have something to say to you
Something to say to me, little
wife?"
Eyes, something to say to you. Don't
send me any poker stories In lieu OF
the weekly remittance. That'u be
about all"
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1907-10-12
APPEAL THAT WAS HsEDED.
Judoe Must Also Have Been Follower
of the Gentle Art.

John Quincy Adams, OF Massacnu.
setts. third of that name, who died
about ten years ago, was very ionu
of fishing, and not especially iona "
his legal profession.
One day, the story runs. . case ~
which he was counsel was down TOT
trial in q Massachusetts, court. mF.
Adams did not make his appearance.
but sent letter to the judge. That
worthy gentleman read it. and then
postponed the case with the announce
ment:
'Mr. Adams is detained on Inn
portant business"
1t was afterward learned by col
league of Adams that the letter read
as follows:
Dear Judge: For the sake of old
Isaak Walton. please continue my
case till Friday. The smelts are
biting, and can't leave"
Girls Destined for Harems.
The Circassians, who live In the
northwestern part of the Caucasus.
and who think it is more honorable to
live by plumber than by industry, make
it a custom to bring their daughters
up to be sold as slaves to the Turks
! and Persians. Circassian beauties,
therefore. shine not in their native
land but in the harems Of the orient
Can Not Escape Thoughts.
Man is a thinking being, whether he
will or no; all he can do is to turn
his thoughts the best way.-Sir VII
liam Temple.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1907-10-12

can Not Escape Thoughts.

All men want to be able to work
but all men do not want to work.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1907-10-12
Exclaimed.

Say dad, what docs uppity mean?''
THE same as persnickety, L.. son.
We'll what does persnickity mean?'
THE same as uppity. Run along
Sentinel.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1907-10-12
More Pity

More Pity.
Wife during the spat)-I only mar
ried you because pitied you
Husband-Well, everybody pities me-
now.-Chicago Daily News.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1907-10-12
Advice to Married Men.

Although your wife
Is far from here
Behave as though
She still were near.
Detroit Free Press.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1907-10-12

"A sense of economy"
Economy"
Eyes; can't you see he is trying to
make both ends meet?"
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1907-10-12

Starch, like everything else, IL BE-
ing constantly improved, the patent
Starches put on the market 25 years
ago are very different and inferior to
those of the present day. In the lat
est Defiance Starch-all In
furious chemicals are omitted, while
the addition of another Ingredient, In
vented by us. gives to the Starch q
strength and smcothness never ap'
preached by other brands.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1907-10-12
Evil Of Tipping System.

Although there Is great effort made
to keep secret the thefts in hotels and
restaurants in New York, 1t is quite
evident they are on rapid increase.
The manager Of large restaurant
says the system Of having servants
depend almost entirely upon patrons
for their pay lowers their moral stan
dard and causes them to look on those
they are supposed to serve as theii
legitimate prey.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1907-10-12
REFORMED BY A DREAM


Copyright. by Joseph B. BOwleso
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1907-10-12
Reasonable Explanation.

81 wonder why a dog chasos hiS
tail?"
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1907-05-10
Needle Wrong, Ship Strikes.

Captain William Hughes and six
men, who made up the crew of the
British barkentine Annie Lloyd, re-
Gently lost on Hogstye Reef, in the
Bahamas, arrived here on the steam
ship Prinz Eitel Friedrich of the
Hamburg American lines West In
dian service. The seamen lost about
everything they owned when the
barkentine struck, on March 5.
AS an explanation of the Lloyd's
grounding, it is believed that the
compass was inaccurate, and that
conditions are such in the neighbor-
hood of this reef as to make it par
ticularly dangerous locality to navi-
gate. Not only is the reef submerged
at all tides, but it was pointed out
by the judge-advocate of court in
quiry, held at Long Cay, the BAHIA
mas, to investigate the wreck of the
Lloyd, that a steamship loaded with
steel rails was lost on this shoal, and
that the remains of this wreck, lying
on the rocks, have magnetic force
enough to defect compass.-New
York Commercial.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1907-05-10
FRIENDS HELP
st. Paul Park Incident.

after drinking coffee for break"
fast always felt lanquid and dull,
having no ambition to get to my
morning duties. Then in about an
hour or so a weak, nervous derange-
ment of the heart and stomach would
come over me with such force
would frequently have to lie down.
"At other times I had severe head
aches; stomach finally became AFFECT
ed and digestion so impaired that
had serious chronic dyspepsia and
constipation. A lady, for many years
State President of the w. c. T. u,
told me she had been greatly bene-
flied by quitting coffee and using
Postum Food Coffee; she was trou-
bled for years with asthma. She
said it was no cross to quit coffee
when she found she could have as
delicious an article as Postum.
Another lady, who had been trou-
bled with chronic dyspepsia for years,
found immediate relief on ceasing
coffee and beginning Postum twice
day. She was wholly cured. Still
another friend told me that Postum
Food Coffee was a Godsend to her,
her heart trouble having been re-
lieved after leaving off coffee and
taking on Postum.
$50 many such cases came to my
notice that I concluded coffee was
the cause of my trouble and l quit
and took up Postum. l am more
than pleased to say that my days OF
trouble have disappeared. l am well
and happy. There's a Reason. "
Read. "The Road to Wellv!l!s." in
%kgs.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1907-05-10

lace, but these over waists, or jump
ers, are especially to be commended
for the reason that they can be worn
over any lingerie or lace blouse and
also because the guimpe can be va
ried as occasion may demand.
The waist is made in one piece. 1t
can be cut on either V-shaped or
round outline at the meek and the
sleeves can be slashed at their upper
portions as illustrated or left plain
as liked. There are under-arm seams
and the sleeves are held together at
their under-arm edges by means of
short straps.
The quantity of material required
for the medium size is two and a
quarter yards twenty-one, one and
seven-eighth yards twenty-seven or
one and quarter yards forty-four
inches wide with five yards of band
ing and ten yards of soutache braid.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1907-05-10
Guimpe Blouse.

In this day of over waists and
jumpers the guimpe fills an import
ant place in the wardrobe. Here is
one that can be made either entirely
of lace or some pretty lingerie ma
terial or of muslin with facings and
sleeves of lace as liked. The latter
method is, as matter of course,
bit more economical and when costly
material is used is in every way de-
sirable, although the entire garment
always possesses certain inherent adj
vantages. In this instance imitation
Irish crochet is the lace chosen and
the sleeves are cut off at the elbows
and shirred to form puffs with frills
of thinner lace making the finish.
But deep cuffs can be added, making
the sleeves full length and every ma
terial that is used for guimpe is APP
propriate for this one, the pretty all
overs and inserted tuckings quite as
we'll as lace.
The guimpe is made with front and
back and is drawn up at the waist
line by means of tape inserted in a
casing or can be gathered and stayed
with a band. The neck is finished
with a standing collar and the sleeves
are made with full upper portions
that can be either treated as illus
trated or Joined to the deep cuffs.
When the facings are utilized the
guimpe is cut from thin material
which is cut away beneath the lace.
The quantity of material required
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1907-05-10

is no doubt that the apparatus is OF
practical value. He uses a metallic
diving suit which is made somewhat
on the plan of the ancient coat-of-ar-
Imor, being built of light and strong
sheet metal having thickness vary
ing from OF to 0.3 inch according to
the position of the pieces. The joints
and coupling points are made OF
pressed leather and rubber, and
special form of hydraulic joint is en-
ployed. On, the top of the armor is
fixed the helmet, which is the princi-
pal feature of the apparatus. The
air is not brought to the diver from
the outside, as usual, but the air he
breathes is sent by tube into spe-
'cial regenerating chamber containing
certain chemical products which re-
new. the supply of oxygen, and the air
is then sent to the interior of the he'll
met by another tube. The air renew
Ding apparatus is contained in a pair
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1907-05-10
Ancient Grammar.

The grammar longest in use In
England was that of William Lily,
first published in 1913. This gram
mar passed through more editions
than any textbook of the kind and
was in use in st. Paul's School, Lon
don, up to 40 years ago. The pre-
face to the first edition was written
by Cardinal Wolsey; the English
rudiments by Dean Colet; the Latin
syntax chiefly by Erasmus; the re-
nainder by Lily, the book being then
the joint production of four of the
greatest scholars of the age.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1907-05-10
Knife PoIisher.

Every woman welcomes the addi-
ton of little accessories which help
to make her household duties lighter
and less irksome. The daily polish
ing of the knives may be small mat
ter, but with the assistance of the
knife polisher shown here it can be
accomplished in one-quarter the time
it ordinarily takes. This little kitch
en- appurtenance is made of sheet
metal, bent to form pair of parallel
plates about an inch apart. One
plate is longer than the other, and is
attached to the edge of the table or
in some other convenient position.
Secured to the inside OF the plates
are pieces of flannel or similar clean
ing material. After the knives have
been washed and dried, to put on the
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1907-05-10

of cylindrical chambers attached to
each side of the helmet. Regulating
valves keep the air pressure within
the helmet at the right amount and
always constant, no matter what the
depth may be below the surface.
Mounting and descending are effected
by drum and cable worked by an
electric motor. At the same time the
cable serves to carry the curren.
which is needed for the respiratory
apparatus. The diver communicates
with the surface by telephone, and
a number of wires run from the ar
NOR up to set of colored lamps,
showing how the different parts are
working. There are many advan-
Gages to be secured from the new ap-
paratus, and we expect to give more
complete and illustrated description
of this interesting device. Mr.. De
Pluvy has personally been able to go
down to a great depth. and during
the lis descents which he has al
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1907-05-10
Production OF Gold.

Gold production has increased by
jumps, and the world production for
1905 has been estimated at $S75,-
100000 and for last year in the
neighborhood of $500, 100000. The
price remained stationary throughout
the year. In the case of silver the
conditions have been just the reverse.
The output has remained practically
at one point, but the price has gone
I'D about 10 per cent.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1907-05-10
Enticing Hand Embroidery.

There is many a girl who looks
longingly on the exquisite tandem
broidery tiny little jabots and lace
edged knots and feels that their price
is prohibitive, who could sit down
little while each day and make tws
or three of them for herself
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1907-05-10
SMART STYLES FOR Spring.

New York City. - The over
blouse has unquestionably taken
firm hold upon feminine fancy and is
to be noted in almost innumerable
variations This one is absolutely
simple yet chic in the extreme and
can be utilized both for the gown
and for the odd waist. Worn with
skirt to match. it will be favorite
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1907-05-10
FiIet Lace the Thing.

Filet lace rules this season as
Irish lac did two seasons ago. The
square mesh is the thing and comes
in many forms, from heavy coarse
bands that suggest curtain laces, to
the finest creations of the cushion
and bobbin.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1907-05-10
Change in China.

Kaleidoscope bewildering change
is the outstanding characteristic OF
the political prospect of China at the
present time. Let him that thinketh
he standeth take heed lest he fall"
is, in the China of to-day, thorough
" worldly wise and emlnently practi-
cal piece of advice.-Shanghai Mer-
curry.