Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1907-11-21
Aopojess.

Hopeless.
"Jacob Smithers, criminal" said the
retired lawyer, sat In his cell making
paper boxes when dear old lady look
ed through the peephole In the door
inquisitively.
"'You poor man, said the old lady,
Z guess you'll be glad when your time
is up. won't you"
"'Waal, nom, not particularly ia
cob Smithers answered. I'm in fur
life "-Cincinnati Enquirer.
A Prayer For Rain.
The minister was having Sunday din
ner with one Of his practitioners. Sud-
denly the eight-year-old daughter Of
the house spoke up.
"Oh, DR.. Still, will you please say tho
prayer for rain tonight, SO 1t will pour
tomorrow" she urged.
why. dearT asked the clergyman.
"'Cause have dandy new umbrel-
la and macintosh" replied the eternal
wOmanly.-Judge.
Tho Busy Merrimae River.
The Merrimac valley Is one Of the
busiest hives Of industry on earth. The
Merrimac river, 1t is claimed, turns
more wheels than any stream in the
world, for not only Manchester, but
Lowell, Lawrence, NewburypOrt, Hav-
erhill, Amesbury, Nashua and other big
manufacturing towns lie upon its
banks. The value Of their united prod
ucts mounts up into the hundreds Of
MISUNDERSTANDING.
Where Warm Clothing Is Useless.
In a hospital for soldiers wives In
India poor woman was about to be
invalided home. A lady got her some
warm clothing for the voyage. I'm
fortunately the patient died befor"
she could be got away. The matron
anxious to improve the occasion, said
to the lady who had provided the
clothes, "Ah, well, pore soul, she'vc
gorn Were she won't never want no
more warm clothingv-Cornhill.
In France.
L'Amie-Oh, Gabrielle, Is It true
that you are to be married?
LIngenue-Quite true.
LAmie-And to whom? Tell me, Is
he rich, handsome and we'll born?
What is his name? Who is he?
LIngenue-I do not know, cherie,
but l am to be married, for mamma
says she is keeping her eyes open for
a son-in-law, and, as thou knowest I
ole 1nipn host
Time Was Money.
A clergyman not long ago received
the following notice regarding q mar
rage that was to take place ut the
parish house:
This is to give you motifs that and
Mis- Jemima Arabella Brearly is COM
in to your church on Saturday after
noon mex to undergo the operation Of
matrimOny at your hands. Please be
promp, as the cab is hired by the
hour."-Ladies' Home Journal.
An Ancient Flying Ship.
In the Evening Post, London news
paper published in the reign Of Queen
Anne and bearing date 2O-22 Deem
Der, 1903, there is curious descrip
ton Of flying ship, stated to have
been invented by Bartholomew Loren
20, Brazilian priest. The paper has
an engraving Of the airship and a long
letterpress description. The inventor
claimed that he could travel 200 miles
In twenty-four hours.
Her Lost Jewels.
Backlotz-What's this I hear about
Mrs. Swellman being robbed Of her
Jewels?
Subbubs-Fact! They're gone, and
Mrs. Kraft is the guilty party.
Backlotz-What! You don't mean to
say she stole
Subbubs-What else can you call It
She offered the cook 30 shillings a week
and the chambermaid 20 shillings, and
now she's got 'em.-London Mail.
Answered.
Teacher Tourist-Can all the resi-
Old Resident-Troth they can, every
mothers son Of them. Teacher Tourist
Have you no ignoramuses among
you? Old Resident-Never a one.
Teacher Tourist-Do you know the
meaning Of the word ignoramus? Old
Resident-I do Teacher Tourist-What
Is it? Old Residential stranger like
yOurself.-SchOol Board Journal.
His Taste.
"What business is papa in, NAM
mar"
"Why, he's a tea sampler. He sam.
pies the different kinds Of teas"
"Mamma?"
Eyes, my boy"
"Do you know what I want to b
when / grow upT'
"No. What, my boyT
"A pie sampler" - Yonkers States
man.
hs Wanted Them Dead.
Mrs. Black was to meet her husband
ct q certain store at o'clock. After
standing around for some time she
grew very impatient and, thinking
Tint ho nl0ht hoy %ov~o<<ov, - - ~~A