Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1907-06-21

BY LUE r. VERNON

IlOoStNtlt anu fidfflfllan Will ll1nt
it out if it takes all summer.
4 literary failure-the new method
of spelling, as approved by President
Roosevelt.
Noah must have been great poker
player. He had pair of every thing
in the Ark.
Absence conquers love they say.
but. sometimes. the truth is, that it
strengthens it.
France has rendered its good Of
fees to the United States. You
can beat the French for politeness
Free lunch is a thing of the past
in saloons of Seattle, but from re-
ports, bad whiskey is us plentiful as
usual.
The pyramids are so called, no
doubt, from the fact they appear
amid the general desolation of the
desert.
While few Seattle people were
busily engaged hunting Rattle"
there were many others searching
for waffies.
Whether lynx can whip a wolf in
the open. won t matter so much to
Roosevelt, as whether Taft can get
the Indiana delegation.
Laundrymen in Seattle have raised
prices This will mean the return of
the dickey' and paper" collar to
many residents of the Queen City.
A man who drinks, and tells me
he doesn't like Olympia beer" it's
the water ever expect to
twang on a golden harp and wear u
crown.
Keep your hand on your 25-cent
coin when you visit Aberdeen, or
your relations may receive message
saying your body was discovered in
the bay.
The booster who always boosts and
the knocker who always knocks are
very tireSOme and obnoxious indi-
viduals and should be Stunned by the
rational.
Money is a golden mask. What
does it not hide? 1t makes the old
young, the ugly beautiful, and wraps
a mantel of innocence over the scarlet
breast of Crime.
Sunday in the Queen City is one
of rest and sorrow, if report be true,
to all those who forgot to lay in
supply of red eye" and Olympia
It's the water"
1t doesn't require any more time
for a woman to curl hair and put her
hat on than it does man to tell
about the fish he hooked, but got
away. Not bit.
Money is very good thing to have
in this world. One does not discover
how really valuable it is until he feels
the want of it. With money one is
king, without it beggar.
Bandmaster Duss announces that
it takes real technique to play the
base-drum. This will at once give
someone the idea of starting q CORE
spOndence school to teach it.
1t doesn't always pay for man to
toOt his own horn" BandmaSter
Wagner was footing his cornet in a
funeral parade when he was knocked
down by a street car, in Seattle.
His ankle was badly twisted.
What is more disgusting than to
see a man making the bed, washing
dishes and sweep, while his wife,
strong and healthful rocks a poodle
dog to sleep. l know of such thing
right here in Olympia. Ugh!
Man is fool generally where a
woman is concerned. They will
wind the poor, shallow idiots around
their fingers, break their hearts,
crush their vanity, and then laugh
at the triumph of their power.
The bishop of Galway says there
would be less lunacy in Ireland if the
children were fed more on potatoes
and oatmeal and less on tea. This is
one of the best sermons l have ever
heard a bishop accused of speaking.
1t is a far more difficult task for
some men to hold an umbrella over a
woman for the distance of block,
than it is to carry twenty-five glasses
of beer-Olympia It's the water"
at that-fOr distance of two miles.
The man who wrote that Charity
covers a multitude of sins, should
have added that a golden mask COW
ers all crimes. Dazzle the eyes of
the world with the yellow. glittering
dross, and they are blind to aught
else.
First Man: 1t is just impossible
for me to keep a lead pencil. People
are always borrowing, you know, and
they always forget to return" "
Second Man: Why, never have
any trouble. See, I've whole vest
pOcketful of pencils. "
First Man: Doesn't that prove
just what l said?"
Portland is to be closed" town.
1t always was a ''close" burg any
how. Sleepy old Portland, with its
muddy stream, for some unknown
reason called river-the William
ette. Well, nobody, outside of some
one who has missed a train, and is
compelled to remain over night in
that cemetery of a town, will care il
| its closed" or open"