The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-07-28

THlle2"
Dave, 1 don't reckon it might be
best" she answered. You're so ter
rible thin that folks would make er
heap er fun Of us an 1T don't seem
right ter me that er wife should be Sc
much more hefty than her husband
How much do you weigh now?"
Hundred an 1even pound" he en-
swered gloomily.
Mercy! An l weigh er hundred an
thirty-five.
Il amt say'in' I don't love yer,
Dave, an 1 amt er goin' ter say No
ter yer right out. III give yer er year
ter flesh up some an then if yer weigh
ez much ez 1 do-mebbe I'll say Yes ."
And with this David had to be sat
isfied.
The Tuesday following David took
Matilda TO the circus. 1t was a pretty
good show and Matilda enjoyed every
thing, but upon David's more critical
mind there were but three features
that made any lasting impression
There was Taronlyah, the Terrible
Turkish Titan, who snapped chains n
bent bars Of iron: there Was Mile.
d'Zelle, queen of the air, who upon the
trapeze apparently defied the law of
gravitation. and thirdly and lastly, but
mostly, there was the Fat Lady. To
David. as he gazed pon her magnifi-
cent p~OnderOsity, the fat lady appeared
as an angel of hope. What was twenty
four pounds as compared to this?
Nothing! Absolutely nothing.
Furthermore, ne had an idea. He
would seek an interview with the fat
lady and learn from her the secret of
her upbuilGing.
For said ne, when folks want ter
know erbout Their lungs and livers an
things they goes ter specialists fer in
formation an if Their fat lady amt er
specialist on fat, who is?'
A very direct line of reasoning.
The performers were evidently rest
ing, for none OF them were visible when
he again reached the circus lot; it was
Just the time for a quiet consultation.
Hailing n boy who was carrying a
bucket Of water somewhere, David in
quired Of him where the fat lady might
be found.
what yer wanter know fer?"
qucried the youth Yer can't see none
er tn perfesh'n'Is 'thout yer get er
permit from Their manager"
Thank yer" said David; "wheT'1 I
"In that yer tent right wei yander,"
said the boy, pointing, and David
rushed away.
The boy poured the water from the
pail. inverted it and sat upon it, and,
judging from his looks, he seemed
greatly pleased with himself.
Arriving at the tent David paused
and looked about for some means of
announcing mis- arrival, and seeing
none. hesitated.
''G'wan right in" yelled the boy.
So David went right in. But he came
right again, and the velocity of
his coming Vas some several finnnC
greater tina that of his going. Never
theless, he was preceded by a chorus
of feminine shrieks.
For a ONE ne stood as one petri-
fled, and then the earth suddenly be-
came alive with circus men, who
sprang from everywhere and bore
down upon him with maledictions and
tent stakes. 1t was not the time OF
place for meditation, and David fled,
and at his heels came a vengeful mob,
the Terrible Turkish Titan in the van
emitting pure COnstantinople-ese at
every bound.
"Ye dhirty. pryin' blayguard! Ye bag
of skin an bones! Lave me git hand
on yez an I'll tache yeZ ter insoolt tn
ladies! I'll break tn back of yezl I'll
ate yez alOive! Arrah, but yez kin
rum"
David certainly could run and cleav-
lItS lllt dlA llhG 0Ehitll0 bAddC l1C SbOIl
distanced his pursuers and escaped
Scathless, save for four long scratches
on his check, presented him by Mile.
d'Zeile, who, when he made his unfor-
tunate call, had stoo dnear the flap of
the tent.
But his reputation The story of his
w~rcngdoing and SYNONYMOUS flight
spread like wildfire, and for a few
hours he was d man without a friend.
Then his good angel came to the res
cue. HI imp of Satan who had COM
passed his downfall couldn't keep such
a big secret to himself, and he told one
of the tent men, who told the Terrible
Turkish Titan, who told the clown,
and the clown told0it all at the evening
performance. Exoneration plus humil-
iation.
Deprived of the benefit of the fat
lady's experience, David turned else
where for advice. The clerk in the
drug store was an old and tried friend,
and to him he went first of all.
Jim" said he. lest between you m
me. what's the most fattenin' thing
yer know OFF"
81 reckon" answered jim, "that cod
liver oil is the most fattenin' thing;
they say 30 per cent of it'll stick ter
yer ribs"