The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1907-09-05
Ganderbone's Sept. Forecast.

will run a little harder for President.
Mr.. Bryan's smoke will continue an
interesting spectacle. Mr.. Roosevelt
will drop a wasp into the the hip pock-
ct of Mr.. Taft, and that laggard will
move up a couple of places in the
race. Mr.. Fairbanks will continue to
pass the grandstand every seven Sec
onds sucking buttermilk with a nip
pie, out of his pneumatic shirt front.
The war with Japan will sleep fret
fully, and Uncle Sam will sit by the
cradle grooming soft lullabyes and
giving paregoric with a funnel.
The coming county fair is billed, .
The big prize hog is corned and swilled
The pumpkin that will lift the prize
Is watched with proud and hopeful eyes,
And the family mare to win the pot
Is training for the county trot.
The autumnal equinox will come in
on time on the 24th, and Mr.. Harri-
man will absorb all water that fails
to use in floating stocks for develop
ment of our great natural resources.
The Standard Oil Company will place
a twenty-year 4 per cent mortgage
upon the earth and will pay the $29,-
400, 900 fine imposed by Judge Lands.
Senator Beveridge will end his hon
eymoon abroad and return to the af-
fairs of the Republic, which will re-
store that feeling of security.
The summer romantic thing!
will homeward come upon the
wing, and show her neighbors for
week where some man bit her on the
cheek. The freckles on her arms
land legs?) resembles those on tur-
key eggs, and the neighborhood will
bet ten per the men were only JOSH
ing her.
The lucky wives of millionaires
Will put up jam and pickle pears,
But the most of us, denied these boons.
Will pass the winter full of prunes.
Some red-hot sealing wax, alack,
will fly down Nancy's tender back,
exploring where the flesh is bare,
and three shrill screams will pierce
the air. The men, a-washing at the
pump, will hasten thither on the
jump, but Nancy mid the fruit Ger
turned, will not divulge where she is
burned.
President Roosevelt, fresh from
Oyster Bay, will issue on the goth a
proclamation officially opening the
oyster season. Turnips and football
players will run to tops. White duck
trousers will begin to migrate. A
comet will make one-night stands in
the northeast sky. The weather and
politicians will become very agree
able. Nature, which has been in the
nude for the outdoor summer paint
ing season, will put on a thin gossa-
mer, and the Corn Huskers' Union
will promulgate new wage scale by
which they will get the corn and the
farmer the huskes.
The boys on Saturday are loose
To stain their hands with walnut juice,
The cider swollen apples drip,
The pig squeals for morning nip,
And the billy goat, by Autumn cheered
Lets cool winds frolic with his beard.
Summer excursion tourists will
come home in chair car with their
skull grass full of carbon mites, the
aisle full of braided legs, and the
sawtooth chair back enclosing the
name of the railroad on their spines.
The Big Dipper will appear in the
heavens upside down, which will en-
courage Prohibition to resume his
war paint and extend the booze
drouth. John Barleycorn will return
to his guns with a Booker Washing
ton tint under both eyes and his
pants torn, and the Kentucky Colonel
will toss in his mint bed while Carrie
Nation rides a nightmare through the
windows of his boudoir!
The cotton fields with boil and stem
Are beckoning to dusky men,
And soon from cotton seed We'll boil
The pure imported olive oil.
The Greeks began their year in Sep
tember. Our Labor Day was their
New Years Day. They did this be-
cause their families spent the sum-
mer at the seashore at considerable
expense, while the men played poker
at home at even more expense. This
left the Greeks badly in the hole, and
the only way they could get out was
to have the new year begin Septem-
Der 1st and swear off drinking and
smoking at that time. This enabled
them to save in September what we
save in January, and was a much
better plan than ours.
Cheer up, cheer up, the summers
Ger, the piping quail is up at 4, Sep
tember sweet is on the job, and the
green corn ripens on the cob.
October crisp will soon be here
With softly-falling leaf and sere,
With frosty morn and hunters moon
And pumpkin pie, not yet but soon.