davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-05-12

I'll pass it by. It used to be a good job
in the old days, but there's too much
work to il now. In them days, when all
a president had to be was TO be presi-
dent, it was a nice situation: but look
what it is now! A president has to oe
the whole shooting match and do all
the work, while everybody else loafs
around and draws pay. Nowadays a
president has to be everything from a
revised dictionary to an unexpurgated
edition of the Ten Commandments In
Words of One Syllable. When he amt
busy electing a senator, to save some
state the trouble of doing it for itse1,
he has to be acting as a committee of
one to do the work of congress, the
supreme court, eighteen South Ameri-
can governments and school board.
The president has to do all the work,
and all the thanks he gets Is to be
made fun of. / don't want the Job. It's
too big for me, and it's getting too big
for any one man. What we need is
syndicate TO do our presidenting for
US. This here big country oughtn't to
expect one man to be the whole three
ring circus and the menagerie and the
side show, at one time, and then call On
him to do prizefight and reform the
spelling book and learn US morals sim
ultaneously at once. 1t amt fair. No
man can't live simple life and DO all
them things at once. 1t wears on a
man and takes all the smile out CT
him.
mot If he has copy of Jarby's En-
cyclopedia on hand" said the book
agent. with a copy OF this book in
his house a president can do some
thing to all the ten thousand and one
| things, including every subject known
to man, that is mentioned in this book
and do them so folks won't get sleepy
while he's doing them, and can still
keep his sweet smile. Now, here" he
said opening the sample copy, sis the
steel engraved portrait of the presi-
dent. He still smiles"
Yes" admitted the marshal, hes
got a smile or two left yet, but Id like
to see him if he had a lot of govern
ment owned pumps or railroads on his
hands. I'd like to see him come down
here to Kilo and tackle this municipal
owned pump.
why don't YOU write him about it ?"
asked Eliph' Hewitt IF he haerd
there was a pump down here. and that
it wasn't working the way the signers
of the Declaration of Independence
meant to have pumps work, he would
come down. He would come right
down, with a monkey wrench In one
hand and a copy of Jarby's Encyclo-
pedia of knowledge and Compendium
of Literature, Science and Art in the
other, and in five minutes he would
either have that pump mended or he
would pull it loose from the founda-
lions and throw ii clean across the
state of Iowa. But / don't advise you
to have him come. When he seen it
was your duty to mend that pump, and
that you hadn't done it, the things he
would say and the way he would say
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-05-12

had to drive a street car and curry
down the mules and monkey with this
pump. too, I'd have my hands about
FULL
And that would be nothing at all to
what president has to do said EliDh'
Hewitt Il don't see how the presi-
dents ever managed to run this govern
ment before Jarby & Goss published
this book. They had to read forty
volume encyclopedias. the whole con-
tents of which, and more. is condensed
into this one book, which might well
be called The Presidents Guide ard
Helper But in them days the presi-
dents wasn't as hard worked as what
they are now. They didn't have TO
control the destinies of Europe. Asia,
Africa and North and South America.
protect the natives of the west by rid
ding their mountains of wild and fero-
ciOus beasts. sass a trust with one hand
while pulling a railroad president up by
the roots with the other, or write arti-
cles for the magazines before hrea k
fast so as to be in time to sforTn the
customs and habits of the people while
the boy is bringing in the morning pa
per. Washington is the marvel of the
world because he Jone SO well as he did
before this book was published"
when was that book published? p
asked the marshal, laying down his
wrench and walking slowly toward the
shady side of the street.
TT is revised every week." said
Eliph' Hewitt, 'to keep It up to date
and fresh. If you buy one now you get
the latest edition, which is practically
new work, revised from cover TO
cover. Lincoln was never lucky enough
to get a copy of this book, which. was
or nd n 10 xuf1 he
wasn't so great as he might have been.
He missed lots of things he might have
had hand in, as set forth in this vol
ume. A president with this book on his
table can do his job justice. 1t tells
him how to survey canals, how to ham
Ole a gun, how to confute. refute and
dispute; how to mend pumps, how TO
pillow corn, measure corn in the crib
and settle strikes: how to spank trust
and how to avoid race suicide in four
teen distinct and different ways. This
book. containing information on every
subject on earth, from the cradle to
the grave, gives the owner chance 10
enter joyfully into any public Office and
run it in up-to-date lines. He can have
hand in everything that is going. II
you ever look to be president, you
ought to buy copy of this book RICH.
now
mo" said the marshal, reluctantly
mo, I guess l don't want to buy one.
First thing I knew people would get
onto the fact that ] had a copy and
they would be comm around urging me
to run for president, and I don't want
the job. The job of town marshal and
veterinary surgeon to the pump is all
I'm capable to handle. 1 looked into
the president business a. while back
and 7 p11eSS I do0't want III IFS kind
of you to suggest it to me. but L guess
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-05-12
ELIPFT HEWITT ON OFFICE HOLDING >g>@ .@.-=.@1"

The midday sun was broiling the dust
and raising blisters on the painted
OF the Kilo hotel after his noon din
Of the Kilo hoted after his noon din
ner. The little book agent stood a min
ute in the thin streak of shade at the
doorway and combed his side whiskers
with his fingers, and then walked brisk
~ into the sunlight There was but
one man in sight, and Eliph' Hewitt
nude straight for him.
At the intersection of Main and Cross
streets the city pump stood in the mid
die of the street, and the marshal of
Kilo was mending the pump. He was
hot and getting hotter every moment
For the first time in the memory OF
Kilo he had taken off his blue coat with
the brass buttons in broad daylight.
and his hands and sleeves were covered
with moist rust. A streak of IL was
dabbed across his forehead and was
trickling down his face, and he grunted
as he tried, with a monkey wrench, to
loosen a rust-cemented nut.
working" asked EIiph' Hewitt.
pleasantly.
The marshaIs wrench slipped and his
hand scraped across a bolt just below
Il, taking the skin off a row of his
knuckles. He slammed the wrench into
the soft mud that surrounded the pump
and jammed his knuckles into his
mouth. Then he wrapped the other
hand around them and shook them VIC
lently up and down. while he hoped
on one foot
Hurt yourself?" asked Eliph' Hew-
lit. gently.
The marshal stopped hopping and
glared at the book agent.
NO, double bless vel" he shouted.
'D'ye think I'd hop this way because 1
hurt myself? Dye think I'd yelp and
jump round just because knocked a
vard and a half of skin off my knuck-
les? Dye think I care that much for
gittin' myself all married up and crip-
pied for Iife2 Oh, no! I'm carryin on
this way because I'm afraid hurt the
pump, I'm yelpin because I'm fright
ened I may have knocked the head off
that valuable bolt. Darn this here mu-
nicipal ownership, anyway
The marshal wrapped a piece of rag
that he had brought to pack, the pump
around his fingers, picked UP the
with it.
us this part of your official duty?''
asked Eliph' Hewitt.
rs it, said the marshal sarcastical-
~. You ask me is it? Well, yes, IL
is. Do / look. like a man that would
come out here in the middle of the hot
test sun-spot on earth, right when the
juice in the thermometer is squirtin' up
so vigorous that it would squirt clean
out if it wasn't plugged in, and tinker
at this old municipal waterworks just
for fun? If do look that way. tell me
and I'll get my looks changed, for they
amt telling the truth. No, mister.
amt dom this manicure job to this
pump for amusement and exercise. I'm
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-05-12

across the knuckles. Page 564, The
Ready Letter Writer tells how to write
all kinds of heiress-love letters, letters
or friendship or letters accepting or re-
signing public office. Page 1873, History
of Common Things, gives the history of
pumps. wells, hydraulic rams, ct cetery.
from the earliest days, with pictures of
Assyrian. Egyptian and all other pumps
and working plans of their insides,
which information makes the common
man an expert on the subject of pumps.
Page 45S, The Guide to Practical Con-
troversy,' tells how to Befute fmputa-
tons, how to give the lie direct and in
direct
The marshal, who had listened to
EHph' Hewitt with growing interest,
held up his wrench and shook his head.
s'Whoai'' ne said. Now you're get
tin cut of my class. 1 was gettin' in
terested in that book, but now you
ring in that lie-and-quarrel business
and you don't hit me. amt got no use
for that"
You never can tell" said isliph' Hew-
lit with this book in his hand there
is no telling how high a man that has
the appreciation of his fellow citizens
may rise in public office. A marshal
may look forward to being a sheriff
when aided by the wisdom of this En-
cyclopedia and Compendium, and a
sheriff has become a president A presi-
dent must know how to do everything
known to man, and everything known
to man is in this book, condensed, but
complete-only five dollars. Wouldn
you like to be PRESIDENT"
Il can't be-" said the marshal. ut
takes so much of my time tinkering up
this pump that haven't time to get
any trusts down on me and il amt no
use runnin' for president unless you
have a scrap on with the trusts.
True" said the book agent. True;
but with this book in hand any man,
woman or child can attack the trusts,
! from Sardine OH down to Amalg1mated
4 Goldfish. 1t tells how to refuse cam
paign contributions. how to return
them when accepted by mistake. How
many men of Kilo," he added, have
occupied large public offices ?"
81 amt heard of none,'' said the mar
shall.
mo" said Eliph' Hewitt mot one!
Because this is the first time I've come
/ to Kilo to sell this helpful and enter
/ tanning volume. Why should the ma
| ton ask man who hasn't this book 10
step into public Office when there S
plenty to ask that has this book and
reads it every day? The nation looks
first to see if man has bought a copy
of 'Jarby's Encyclopedia of knowledge
and Compendium of Literature. Science
and Art and if he has, it can use him.
| If he hasn't it feels he can't do the Of
flee justice, and its let's him alone. a
/ big public office has lots of ends to it."
81 should say it has, admitted the
marshal. 81 found that out when they
told me the pump went with the mar
shall job. I'm thankful we amt got a
municipal owned street car line. If /
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-05-12

dom Ii because I'm an old fool, and let
the good-for-nothin' city council of this
here town. tag the care and comfort of
this municipal-owned pump onto me. /
wanted Office, and / got it."
This book" said Eliph' Hewitt, ais
invaluable to the man in public office
The ten thousand and one subjects
treateds OF IN Jarby's Encyclopedia of
knowledge and Compendium of Litera-
ture, Science and Art
"All right" said the marshal, waving
the wrench. You can stop right there
If it's book. don't want it; and if it's
book to fit a public officeholder, /
won't have ne use for il very long, for
I'm going to resign out of Office as soon
as i can catch hold of enough of the
city council to resign. And / don't
want no book today, anyhow, for I've
got my hands full of this rusted-out,
red-hot pump. This amt the kind of
pump that takes much interest in lit
erature, science and art. What it needs
is new top and bottom and new sides.
and I could chuck IL plumb full of sci
ence and art and it wouldn't do il no
good. This amt a literary kind of
pump: it's the kind that needs mon
key wrench. 1 could recite nice litera-
ture out of that book at it all day and
it wouldn't pump water a bit better
L
pump any"
ION page 619," said Eliph' Hewitt,
soothingly. begins the chapter Hints
to Office Holders giving a full account
of the duties of public officials and serv-
ants, and how to perform them, how
TO avoid the clutches of the law, ct Get
cry. Recommended by all the leading
public men of the day"
IF it gives. directions how to git a
ping a public officials fingers out by
the roots show II 10 me. But IL it don t,
about all the hint this Inspector of Mu-
nicipal Pumps needs is a hint that he
was an. idiot when he gave up working
] i'm the cheese factory to be marshal at
two hundred dollars year, and this
pump gave me that hint. and it gave
it 70 me on my knuckles. and don't
need another just today"
Eliph' Hewitt coughed gently behind
| his hand
The directions for removing rusted
nuts from rusted bolts are not in the
Hints to Office Holders" he said
kindly, as one would explain a self-evi-
dent fact to child. Those directions
together with full instructions how to
drive nails without splitting the board
! how 10 mend a cracked stove with
ashes, how TO cut glass and six hun
dred other useful directions for every
day life, are found in the chapter on
/ Helps and Hints for the Home page
442. Every need of life, private or pub
lie. is met by this volume. the price OF
which is but S.. 81 down and 81 a month
No inspector of pumps should be with
out it. Page 49, Medical Helps for
/ Young and Old tells how to prepare a
salve which quickly heals the injured
i skin, whether burned, bruised or torn
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-05-12
BY ELLIS PARKER sUTrER

and find out how to do your duty to
that pump yourself. And speaking of
what he would say" he said, turning
to page 645, here is a complete article
on Dynamite, Maximite, Forseite ct
cetery. with pictures of the holes i'm
the ground that was all that was left
when the experiments with them was
concluded"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-05-12

them would make this weather seem
like December in Greenland by con-
trast."
"what would he say" asked the
marshal
1.-The way to find II out is TO try it,"
said the little book agent. but 1 warn
you not to. 1t is a lot safer to buy
copy of this book, FIVE dollars volume,
Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1906-1908, 1907-12-06
Value as equalized
by Co. Board.
Value of Assessors.


1902 caused the
nearly S1500,OOO.
The
equality between
Equality
difficult
that the value
The Legislature
far the local concerned there has been material gain
Boards
made examples OF equazng the total Of much
difference
S10000000.
We
the
district establish
the improved system working difficulties.
The the State
tvs increase S154os7 f of the
pended table
1906 and table showing the amount of state appooned the
erent counties for
While nave accomplished that expected feel that there
decided whole,
especially to equality
closing
duties
Very respectfully submitted,
f. S. TRUCKS,
County Supervisor of Assessment
Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1906-1908, 1907-12-06
ridge across the Crawfsh river.

bridge across the Crawfsh river
The chair appointed Messrs Prentss and Hunter to act
WIN sne chairman as special committee the Approval
Sheriff O. V: A. Bulwinkel presented and read his
annual report which received and referred to the
mittee to Settle with County Officers wan
To HONORABLE SUPERVISORS OF JEFFERSON Co
to Section Chapter Laws of 1901
were On akhg eaIg o1 this office on the 18th day of
% 1 an s1 one on S Committed asa Hn
and ~ss n Dsn @ ou aeeo directed ct s
s s larceny The n assp arg
peP ung n a9u nnS LANGUAGE petty larceny
with AT present there are two prisoners confined awaiting charged
to the foregoing prisoners have break
the Justice HG having T theme sae
s. and no clothing sO of nS U wE
INSANE me N charge of the sherhs Office there has
The expense s n n ouns 10 S A. with an actual expense of s9779l
from the Noen op ps s t boar" S e0D'0
% SSs ~s' Ss ss"Hs %
e T pap of d e ese that branch attorneys
Total civil work to date . . 5000 a.
Total amount of actual cost on
Total expense same. $500. ~ s.
T0a amount Fs of work work P"qPe e with
On account the small salaries unable to
P ss's T' ssPSSs2s n%@
pay court DEPUTIES ' oat Deputy of %y
Respectfully submitted,
Sheriff County, Wis
The district attorney made verbal report the
road law
On motion of Nh Prentiss the salary of the County
Highway Commissioner fixed at $1,000 per annum all
members voting in the affirmative, excepting Messrs Daugs
Langholf and Yaeck, who did not vote
On motion of Mr.. Beck, the election of the County
Road Commissioner postponed until Monday session.
On motion of Mr.. Beck, the chair authorized to
appoint special committee of three with the
sheriff regarding the keeping and maintenance of prisoners
for the year beginning January 1908
The chair appointed such committee, Messrs. Beck
Foote and Church
On motion of Mr.. Daugs, board adjourned.
Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1906-1908, 1907-12-06

finally
which the business
w. W. REED, NJ d.. Visiting Physician
On motion of Mr. Bridges the report accepted and
ordered made of the Trustees report and spread upon
the records
The clerk presented the following petition from the
town of Milford:
To HONORABLE THE COUNTY BOARD OF JET
COUNTY:
undersigned Supervisors of the
Milford
that at the annual town
the A d.
said bridge located the highway leading
the city OF
And
and approaches thereto a place
of
Wherefore petitioners would Honorable
thousand dollars
will with the provided
and
This petition is based chapter of
f..
FRANK p. HEITZ, r"r ne Nae sn
Splitter of Milford do hereby certify
that the thousand dollars
taxe of town..
Dated Milford November 4th, 1907
IL. d. SPIrzER
o 0
Referred to the committee Highways Bridges and
Drains
On motion of Mr.. Schumacher board adjourned.
Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1906-1908, 1907-12-06
MONDAY, NOVEMBER, Is.

Board met pursuant to adjournment, Mr. Caswe In the
chair. Roll called, members all present. except Messrs
Porter and Fox, who were excused.
The minutes Of the previous meeting approved
District attorney r. W. Lueck made verbal report
the county highway bills chapters 487 and 55 laws 1907
and recommended that both chapters be ignored and the
matter be laid over for year.
Mr. Sheridan moved that this Board defer action pro-
vded chapters 487 and 552 laws of 1907 for year
The motion was lost by the following vote:
Ayes: Hyer Church. Meintz Daug Maxwell Langhof
Noes Reese WEIGH Gallup Olson Marsden, Glover
Eaton Carin, Mr. Claimants.
Moved by Mr.. Prentiss that County Highway Com
missioner be paid per diem of 81 90 per day. including
penses, for actual time served.
Motion carried by the following vote
Church. Maxwell WEIGH, Gallup
Bridges Henry, Foote
House Preuss Wienwy Gibn Eaton Breckenridge Schumacher
CarIn Mr. Chairman Noes Mnz Daugs Reese, Langhof Hx
Sheridan Yaeck, Spinger-8
Mr.. Carlin moved that the rules be suspended and the
clerk be instructed to cast the of this Board for A. r.
Hoard for County Highway Commissioner
There being negative vote the motion declared
Messrs. Beck and Hunter appointed tellers and
ballot taken, as follows:
Whole number Of cast 80, of which number
A. r. Hoard received 3d. John Langhof Hubert Springer
2, G. A. Maxwell l. P j. Sheridan 1, "Noes' 4.
4. R. Hoard having received majority of all the votes
cast declared elected County Highway Commissioner
for the ensuing year.
Mr.. Beck moved that the of 800 be levied upon
the taxable property of the county for the county highway
fund.
The motion prevailed all members except Springer
voting in the affirmative upon the call of ayes and
The clerk presented and read the report OF the County
Librarian as follows
To HONORABLE SUPERVISORS.
travelling
apparently doing the various sections OF the county Although
Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1906-1908, 1907-12-06

Board met pursuant to adournment Mr.. CaswelI in
the chair Roll called, members all present except Mr.
Springer.
The minutes of the previous meeting were approved
On motion of Mr. Prentss the vote by which the motion
fixing the salary of the County Highway Commissioner was
adopted at yesterdays session reconsidered.
On motion of Mr. Prentss the motion was then laid up-
the table until the report of the district attorney upon
this question is made to the board.
The committee Settle with the Trustees of the Insane
Asylum and Poor House reported as follows:
To HONORABLE BOARD COUNTY
of
the County Asylum and Poor House. beg leave follows
appear their
committee o
meet the necessary OF the trustees until they shall
be made additional silO recommended by
All of which
: :: + :: s.'Ss1s; Com.
On motion of Mr.. Wttenwyler the report was adopted
all members voting in the affirmative upon the call of the
ayes and noes.
The special committee County Depository reported
follows: ,
JEFFERSON COUNTY
special County report
as follows
cent interest p
jefferson County bank of
from the first day January and that
1908, be accepted.
GEO. REINHARDT
A. MAXWELL Com
On motion of Mr.. Welsh the report was adopted
On motion of Mr. Schumacher the board adjourned I'M
til Monday next at 2:3O O'Clock p.
Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1906-1908, 1907-12-06

On motion Of Mr. Springer, report accepted and
and ordered spread upon the records OF this Board
Superintendent of Schools A. j. Thorne presented and
read the following report:
To THE HONORABLE BOARD OF SUPERVISORS:
Mr. AND that former upern
enae1s mas report to De gsn at b d SESSION am d u oq will
duties and
following statistics from
the 20 $3.50 Out of this number 1927 public
Last s1os was spent for all school trust that the
he In the s hna male and female teachers
forwarded dee to the state tate department sa sah
and forty and close attention the the results
cert6
Gates large cent writing on third grade branches
the @ o e and s , @ under the
for the continuance that work. provide diploma
have been office visiting
state there in county sold and being installed 40 these
mate boo homs m lust
few months 'e'e'' - ''''
that the law which both providing eae
rms would your superintendent to give his time and
and b attend the S
there may fully for the expense and that may be able
sincerely feel that would incomplete if failed
borders s ho d s oaa p Wn tb
running This without
Honorable B9aEd-Bsay policy schools
others,
Let
j.
On motion of Mr.. Eaton report was accepted and
ordered spread upon the records.
Former Superintendent of Schools John A. Haselwood
submitted the following report:
To THE HONORABLE BOARD SUPERVISORS:
tho ME h M ATP h mine under
schools the meeting
the incumbent of the
tons county and suggesting plans policies which
would be for this board
the duties and
We confidence ambitions
been and build schools
educating county
To through
supplying
advice
teachers examinations conducted different places within