The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1907-12-05
COL. oREsHAMs BURNsIDEs.
They Nearly Cost His Life.

NhtuEN kFVWh HoHle tWoHCOlOftu ups
pies, but when you aak her 10 add two
additional colors she wants time TO
think tho mntter over. Every expert.
mont was u failure. but tliat only made
the colonel and his gardener thc moro
determined, especially the gardener.
IL wns his duty m nn employee
TO give bls master all his ideas. but he
made an exception In this one case.
He clung to Il with logged obstlnacy.
but he kept II as secret as tho grave
Hc might have clung 10 Il year or NO
longer had not the colonel become I'm.
patient lie said something one June
day about giving up the experiments.
and tho gardener replied that ho would
have some news for him next day. lie
asked the broker to come homo an
hour earlier than usual and 10 coma
directly 10 tho large farm barn.
At tho bour named tho colonel was
there. He had scarcely entered the
barn whom ho received crack on the
head that made him unconscious for
the next quarter NJ mn hour. When he
came to he had been stripped Of coat.
vcst and tie and was bound hand and
foot. Hc had not caught sight OF his
pssaliant before being struck. but now
! found the gardener lowering over him
with murdorous look on his face.
"wlll you tell me what this means,
HcnryT asked the victim.
"Yes. sir. I have finally found how
TO grow fonr'colored apples, II has
been long time. but I have struck
II at last hope to have fifty bushels
on the market this fall"
"well. let's hear about t."
"All the apple trees arc now In bios.
som. The red ones arc all right, and
the yellow ones are nll right. and
have found n way to make the blue
and green ones all right. have aim
ply to sprinkle them with the blood Of
man wearing side whiskers. A drop
Of blood TO n blossom will do the trick.
and once the apples start 10 growing
that way they will continue"
Now. the colonel had a growth OF
side whishera that were the envy OF
Wall street and matter Of Joy 10 |
himself Whenever you saw the colo |
mel you saw his whiskers. He might |
forget his communication ticket now and |
then, but never hIs whiskers. The
two were one and lnseparnblc. lie |
didn't like the gardeners reference 10 !
those sacred objects, II smnckcd of
familiarity. and there was covert
threat behind the words. IN was at
FIRST inclined 10 buster, but another
look into the gardeners face satisfied
him That the man had become crazy.
He therefore changed his tactics md
quietly said;
"All right. Henry. We will 30 up to
the orchard and experiment. am de.
lighted TO find that you have achieved
success ut last"
"But how can you 80 when | want
your bloodT" askcd the man. "You
zee, you nre the only man around here
with side whiskcrs. II tho coachman
or the butler had 'em. that would do,
but they haven't, you know. They are
fine ones. colonel-iine ones" Il
Aud Chapman bent down and ten.
derly carcssed the iron gray side Il
whskers that foated away from zach
cheek and were gently stirred now
and then by the June breezes blowing
into the open door, Never had another ,
man on this earth except the barber
dared TO lay his sacrilegious hands on
those reverenced objects Of the money lf
center of the world. Il
"But we viii look up some one else" I
said the colonel as he felt sinking Of ,
the heart. II know of several men
with side whiskers, and will coax one
OF them home with me tomorrow"
\ but ! must have the blood today.
cosonel. Besides. for this first expert Iq
mont we must have the incest sort OF
whIskers. There is nothing In the state
Of New York TO compare with yours.
The papers have said so over and over /,
again. How soft they arel How lux
arantly they grow! How the breeze
toys with them! Your blood Is all
light, and the flrst bushei Of four.color-
ID apples shall be deposited on your c
yraye." III
"But ! want to see the trees you Il
nave selected. may decide to make n
,ome changes" .
'The trees are all right, colonel.
Here Ia a knife to open an artery, and :
,ere In pan to catch the blood. What Y
hall do with your whIskers after q
'ou are dead? 1t seems pity to bury n
Elm like 50 much horsehalr." n
"You blamed fool, this has gone n
ar enough!" exclaimed the colonel, 80. y
ng to the other extreme. "Unbind me .
I once or I'll have You sent to prison y y
Or llfev' II
"It won't do" replied the gardener,
filth shake Of his head and taking up
knife he had made ready for the pur- Il
ose. "You are as anxious for the four m
olored apples as am, and you mustn't gI
ring all our labors to naught. Here j,
oes for the blood" !,
The colonel began yelling for help, ~ y
nd fortunately the coachman was at y
and to respond. He entered the barn NJ
n run and narrowly escaped being /
tabbed, and the crazy gardener had to