The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1907-03-25
Colonel PIunkea v. &

I tCopyrisl1t, 1906. by ~ n. Cunnfngham.l
Colonel PlHnkett, retired from the
Seventeenth and wearer Of Victoria
cross won in India, was sixty years
old and still unmarried. He belonged
to half a dozen London clubs. was seen
quite little In society and was famed
for his imperturbabfllty.
The colonel wore a wig. he wore
corset He used cosmetics To a
certain extent he was taken 10 pieces
at night and put together again in the
morning. The knowledge OF this was
confined 10 himself and his valet, and
the world might suspect and sprnise
and be hanged to 1t.
1t happened on a November evening
Il was Tuesday evening. The colo
mel remained in his chambers and read
and smoked up to a certain hour. and
then his valet took him in hand On
this occasion the valet had performed
his task and retreated to his own quar-
tiers when a hand was cIapped over
his mouth, knee thrust Into the small
OF his back. and before he could utter
6 cry he was on the floor with gag
in his mouth and his feet and hands
bound. He was surprised byst sud.
den attack, but more by the want of
punctiliousness. The groan he fetched
over the latter was long drawn and
genuine. The attacker had walked
over several roofs and then used a
short ladder to enter the qeolonei's 81
apartments. He had a few words ito
say 70 the valet and then proceeded on
into the front apartments, The inn
perturbable colonel was not asleep.
nor was his light yet turned out. Some
men would have started up and ex-
claimed at sight Of a strange man In
his, bedroom at that hour, but Ii wasn't
Colonel Plunkett He bud always wait
ed to be addressed, and he did not
depart from the programme On this
occasion.
The intruder gave the colonel look
ing over and then took In the room.
He saw the corset and he ciluckled.
He saw the cosmetics, and he gurgled
and said:
We'll, old boy, you are playing EN-
nicely. II Your glass eye aud false
teeth were here. the show would lie
complete. Oh, the vanity OF man, es.
pecially an old ass of man! would
not have believed this of a man wear
ing the V. c.
Sir, / never receive callers nc this
hour of the night. and never in my
BEDROOM" replied the colonel in his
everyday tones.
Yes. | knew that I'd be de trop. bat
there are times when one must break
through the bounds of etiquette. This
is one of them. Your valet Is gagged
and bound, you are helpless in bed.
and I've got soft snap before me.
I'm after doodle. of course
My practice has been never To hor-
row or lend,
4 was aware Of that fact, and that's
tie reason made my entrance in the
way did. Any objections to tobacco
smoker
Il have. sir have never smoked In
this room or allowed others to do So
Sorry to break over rules, colonu..
but this is an extra occasion"
The man drew from his pocket aa
old pipe and filed 1t with strong to-
bacco and sat down aud leaned back
and crossed his legs and pulled away
for three or four minutes before he
said:
How does it feel, colonel, to he talk
en- apart ut night and put together III
the morning! I'm not asking out Of
vulgar curiosity, but from scientific
point of view. DO you feel as IL you
We're loom or an engine OF some
other piece of machinery"
You viii excuse me. sir, if refuse
to debate the matter with you" repiiea
the colonel IN even tones.
The intruder picked up the wig aud
sought TO adjust it, and then the corset
and closely examined 1t, and then cou-
ttnued:
Il have heard 1t contended that the
male wearer of a corset has womanIsn
feelings come over him now ana then
and that the wearer of wig is always
thinking of the shiny surface beneath.
Has 1t ever occurred TO you, colonel. to
invent some compound to force new
growth of hair? You gained the y. 4.
for leading a thousand soldiers into
action. How much drawer and greater
and grander If you led 100000 baid,
headed men to happlnessr'
Sir, let me call your attention, to the.
fact that you are an Intruder. ohsert-
ed the colonel
Not n doubt Of 1t, my deac FELLOW. y.
replied the burglar, hut let US infer
That ! have begged your pardon a.i1F
have been absolved. How long. uy
son of Mars, by the use, OF these eos
metics can You keep up the dclustna
Of middle age. ana what is the iaeay'
Again, sir, answer that the ones.
ton is not debatable.'
NO: Well, could wish that you
were more pliable. but l must take
things as | find 'em. AS my call this
evening was entirely unexpecied''
Your cnll. sir. is simply unpleasant.