Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-09-28

q
! by those whose pathways are humble that
| conduce TO optimistic view as To the
| eventful uplifting 20 the higher and nohler
! of all humanity.
Story All Mapped Out.
A party of Tenderloin reporters expert
"nced "A rude shock the other afternoon.
| A slip that reached them from Mulberry
| street police headquarters announced that
| a general alarm had been sent out for
! young woman, eighteen years Of age who
| had disappeared from her home over On
/ nth avenue five days before This looked
pretty good Another kidnapping or alb
| duction case. Missing girl features are
! big stun in the New York yelows these
days. SO Combination" of five of the
! afternoon Tenderloin reporters hustled
over to 18th avenue to get the story
|. from the girls father
They had the thing all Charted out in
| their minds-beautiful. shrinking young
thing who had become the victim OF mis-
| placed affection, or an imperious unman-
/ ageable young woman who had resolved to
! touch up her hair and join the chorus. or Il
| lovely young bud who had suffered from
! temporary alteration owing to overstudy
| in music. or perhaps a charming, accom-
| plished young person who had become the
victim of foul play-some old thing of that
| kind. They had it all mentally arranged
| how they would dwell upon the mental
| agony OF the distracted father-their in
. formation stated that the girls mother
! dead.
| When they got to 18th avenue they found
! that the address given on the slip a
| tumbledown frame structure.
| ''All the better" said the Tenderloin re-
| po-ters. "Genteel accomplishing poverty,
| threadbare, but well-caredfor clothes
um-ought to work UP better than the story
of rich girls dsappearan
! So they banged at the door OF the house
and a little old subdued-looking man open
ed 1t hestatingly.
Your daughter" the Tenderloin re-
porters began. breathlessly.
The little old man started to tell the
porters that the young woman had re-
turned on that very morning. but he
interrupted. The interrupter a husky
young female creature fully six feet in
height and about 1S5 pounds to the good as
to weight. She yanked the little old man.
her father from the door.
'Tsay. youse." she rema -ked to him with
a horizontal movement of her hand. push
ing back her red jockey cap with the
other hand and expectorating naively
through her teeth. beat 1t. will youse2
kin do de chinnin'. But deere an't no
chinnin' a-comin off here. tsee? II feels
like BLOWN away from here wit meself
onct in while FIR few days, OATS M
end o. de game, an II amt up L youse
gum-shoe reporters a little bit. dye git
dat? On y'r way, now. yousH Poicies-I'm
do big noise aroun' dis dump an l don't
need youse. tsee?"
Then the Tenderon reporters silently
stole away from there with their Shoulders
hunched for'ard. They are still tapping
their foreheads refectively and endeavoring
to recuperate from the shock
A Whimsical Sleuth.
Once in a great while one Of these New
York sleuthing persons gets under the spot
light by exhibiting a real, sure-enough
sense OF humor. and when these things
happen they worth recording a hu-
morous Sherlock Homes OF the headquar-
ters staff perpetrsted hilarious joke upon
a criminal lady last week The criminal
lady Dutch Lena.
Dutch Lena's particular fad for quite n
long number of years baCk-and she Is nNnE
only twenty eight. and pretty. TOBIAS
been to enfold in her affcctionate embrace
the peripatetic drunken man wabbug pre-
cariously down the street. and while the
soused male person was in the very act
OF congra tulating himself upon this
pr'sing and overwhelming conquest. Of
frisking him for his pocket Vauables at
the same time biting off the sparkling por-
ton Of his scarf pin If he had one.
One evening about ten days ago Dutch
Lena. over In eth avenue, and in the fun
glare of many electric lights grabbed and
embraced a visiting Des Moines buyer to
such excellent purpose that when she play
fully patted him on the shoulder and told
him that she had made a mistake and that
he could go away and roll his hoop she
was some 81 500 better off in jewelry and
luCre than she had been but fow brief
moments before.
SO this gay headquarters detective OF
whom we now speak was assigned to the
job OF going after Dutch Lena for the pur-
pose of gathering her in. He did not take
the warrant to Lena straight to her abode
and thus nab her. No. lie desired for
himself TO be bit playful at Dutch Lena's
expense
So he stroled along 18th avenue. Lena's
well-known stamping ground, and waited
for her to appear When he saw her com
ing down the street he proceeded to simu-
late exceeding great drunkenness. He per
mitted himself to wobble al over the thor
oughfare. This looked altogether too good
to Lena. and she proceeded To wrap her
strong arms around the cippish sleuth and
to deftly plough through his garments.
"Oh. you rude thing, your exclaimed the
funny detective, as Lena snatched his nice.
big black wallet out Of his inside coat
pocket and started around the corner at a
mild lope.
How the Joke Planned Out.
The warrant for her arrest IS In that
wallet, and wait till she sees il, ma. ha.
har laughed the detective, gallppnE after
her Dutch Lena. not perceiviug that size
WAS pursued by the person whom she had
famed for his roll, pulled up after covering
about two blocks and stepped into a door
way to have a peek at The contents OF tho
wallet First she pulled out SO IN tens ana
fvcs. and this she quickly slowed IN her
dress. Then she yauk"d ont The variant
for her arrest ana held It up to the light
and read il. As soon as she caught sight
OF her name sine was aware 81 her ms
take. ami she turned like a t!gr"Ss to see tH"
seuth right behind her holding his sid
with laughter. "Ha. ia, 10, hD!' shr!ck-!
the detective.
Lena. experimenting that the bills iu tn.
wallet had been marked for Identification.
promptly stuffed them into her mouth and
ate them. Then she tore the warrant into
fragments. Then she jumped the mirthtul
detective clawed him into ribbons. tore his
clothing to flinders and then beat it. Sh"
was pinched later However, m" funny
detective 80 in bills to the bad. i de
stroved suit of clothing and his facial
beauty obliterated for several weeks t.
come. was greeted with r.blll laughter al
headquarters II he gets humorous again
during his mcumbency headquarters
detective II will be when he - in sunam-
bulistic state. That's what ne says and he
ought to know.
CLARENCE L. CULLEN.