The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1907-08-21

Till you tried a pill or two
To exercise your liver.
=
There is a story told about an an.
cestor OF the hero of Iadysmith which
shows that the Cochranes have al.
ways liked a dash of political as well
as military adventure. When this
Dundonald OF the old days was Lord
Cochrane he was candidate in Honi-
ton. and took the usual course of re.
fusing to give bribes. As his oppo.
nent gave Ave pounds a head, Lord
Cochrane suffered defeat. The latter.
however. sent the Bellman round the
town. announcing that all those who
had voted for Lord Cochrane would
receive ten guineas apiece II they
called on his agent. In those pre-bal
lot days, of course, 1t was known how
each man voted, and the happy minor
ity marched on to the agent. each
getting his ten guineas. Naturally
enough, the majority began to think
they had made mistake, and they
resolved to rectify that mistake at
the first possible moment. In du"
course an opportunity came; there
was another election. Lord Cochrana
stood again, and the - rs. remem-
bering his lavish methods, asked him
no questions, but returned him with =
roaring majority. Then they convey
ed delicate hint to the noble lord.
asking what he proposed t. give them
for this distinguished service. Not
one farthing!" roared his lordship.
The unhappy men reminded him that
he had paid ten guineas head to the
minority at the previous election. A
complacent grin frightened the face
of the member as he gave this eXplG-
nation: The former gift was for
their disinterested conduct in not TAX
ing the bribe of five pounds from the
agent of my opponent. For me nov
to pay them would be a violation Of
my own previously expressed princi-
pies. '-Argonaut.
Father Hugh l.agan, of San Rafael,
is an excellent raconteur. He relates
that he was called recently to admin
lister the last rites of the church to
dying sinner. who, like himself. was
native of the Emerald Isle.
81 have but one request to make,
father" gasped the dying penitent.
What is it. my SOM" inquired the
priest.
THAT when am dead father, yon
will put me to rest in the Hebrew
cemetery"
And what for " asked Father La.
gan.
Because. your reverence" moaned
| the sick man, " 1t Is the last place on
the face of the globe where the devil
would look for an Irishman. .'-fIol-
lands Magazine.
A famous physician who was par
ticularly expeditions in examining and
prescribing for his patients was wait
ed on by an army man, who was pol
ished of in almost less than no time
AS the patient was leaving, he shook
hands heartily with the doctor and
said:
Il am especially glad to meet you as
| have often heard my father. Colonel
F., speak of you"
What" exclaimed the physician
'are you Dicks SON."
Certainly"
"My dear fellow" said the doctor
filing that Internal prescription In
fire and tell me what is the matter
with you.
When Robert Edeson walked into
his garden at his country place In
Sag Harbor a few mornings ago he
found his gardener wit ha small OF
can limbering up the lawn mower.
where did you get that oil?' asked
Edeson.
I'm the cellar, sir"
1--WE had no machine oil in the eel
lar"
Il know IT, sir"
Well what are you using?'
"The oil from the Italian can
found there"
"My Italian Oil My salad oil Stol
it, man. Stop It, ! brought that al
the way from Rome, and it cost M
as much as your month S wages
Exchange.
Humor lightens everything, ever
war, jefferson Davis, with al tn
weight of a losing cause on hi
shoulders, could yet spare time to az
! 4