davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14

eat on her When that glaGsome Mo-
ment arrives, it's Il 30 to Shot that
We'll all die of JOY"
what seems to be your IIandicap"
asked Sep. You We're invited to all
the Parties when you lived at Peavey's
Junction"
ANY one who comes in from the
Cocklc- Burr District with Bundle is
known as a Newvo Reish," replied
Bill. Il don't know what it means,
never having studied the Dead Ian
g!ageS, but it's about the same as Il
Slob. In other words, if You make
your own Money you're an Awful
Thing, but If any one slips it to Yea
and you've never done anything with
it except count it and sprinkle Il llttle
Florida Water on it, then you're Il Nice
Young Fellow. Now You see what I'm
up against. I'm guilty of Work, and
every one is on to ne. The best | can
hope for is that some of my Grand.
children will Doctor up my Record
and finally draw the Mcal-T,cket,"
What do you care" asked Sep. Il
wouldn't wear out Il VIII lie kit Of Tools
trying to breal, into Il Refrigerator"
"Ah, Septimus, yoI do not under
stand" said the disconSo!atc Conain.
at Is the Boy who starts in Life on a
Ia, Rack and opens Ii FIRST Cold Bot
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14
A Plea For Cleanliness.

The following communication was
handed us for publication by Health
Officer 7. NJ, Dromgold says the Sen
cca QllD Record;
Our village has again been renovated
If garbage and refused materiality.
but in meandering we find n few who
have neglected to remove or burn the
brush necessary to their part. and n
few others who have already thrown
garbage, feathers and ashes etc, on
the alley, which Is now forbidden. Alb
Solutciy nothing Is permitted to be
thrown on alleys, no waste of any kind
should be put on alleys or streets dur
Ing the summer months 1t Is all
against the rules. but nevertheless
come marshal their fact. cram the
cateGorics and construct :"EHmentS on
The lower planes of c0ncci'el vanity.
Yet there Is something significant as
well as pathetic In humanity's good
ness to indorSe the true, the beautiful
and the best. 1t IS not an accident nor
IN incident, but q passion of undaunt-
ID courage to clean up. Those who
have cleaned their lots and their
homes have done honOrs which speak
nome to the heart that cleanliness Is
lot broken fragment of sweet IL
!uSion, but fact Of harmony in the
aspiration of sunshine, which makes
Its essential element truth. leading
from dismal gloom to delightful des-
tiny.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14

Gentlemen who own the UniN "r>c I've
vas enabled to stack up something
like a Million.
1t looked big to his relations VIII"
lived out West. but in New York he
was cheap Tiker. His Steam Yacht
had only one Funnel and there Wee
only seven Bath Rooms in his House.
In fact. he was il good deal of Skate
any way you looked at him.
The Sccond-Ratcr had Il Cousin
named Sep. who lived in one of our
Middle States. In his own Bailiwick
this Sep was Il very gallUS Proposition
He owned n General store and Stock
Farm and had Rubber Tires on his
Buggy and Wore Cloves when driving
After the Corn had neen laid hy and
Ne Oats thrashed. Sep had little time
for RomanCing around over the Conn
try. He bought Il papcr-muSlm Duster.
had n Lunch put up, and bought an
Excursion Ticket to MorganSville.
The struggling Millionaire said he
was glad to see sep. He id not shout
it through a Mcgaphorc e" hang out
any Bulletins. He Simpl' >ai ! that he
was glad to see Sep ~ he should
have been, for Se.py h.d slept two
nights in the Day Co@. h "'1 had just
bought Il sack of I"nHn" '.
"Bill. It seems to me tr't vGu look
Kind of peaked" said En,' '* he sank
into n Leather Chair ard tackled Ba-
lana No. s.
".Ah. yes, | have been under a great
Strain" replied the unhappy Soul.
"You see, just when we got that South
African business all st"ai@htcncd out
and were ready for the Coronation,
then came the Operation, and 1t upset
us dreadfully."
"What are you talking about?" asked
Sep.
'"rhc Anglo-SaXon Allancc," replied
Cousin Bill I'VE are now One peo-
pie They don't know it. but we are"
'"l'he Alliance cuts very few Lemons
out around Pcavey's Junction." replied
Sep. Our ldee of Alliance is to stay
Friendly with them as long as they
buy our Beef Cattle and Grain"
"Not at ALL" said Bill "Our present
Policy is to skin them until they are
overcome with Admiration and invite
us to Dinuer. You may not know it.
Sep, but New York is the Home of the
expensive Meal-Ticket For instance:
Why have | whip-sawed the Market
all these years and boned like Il Turk
and worn my nerves to a blthering
FRAGILE In this unending Wrassc for
the Almighty? Is it because | wish to
endoW Il Presbyterian College or es-
tabliSh PingPong Parlors for plain
Working Girls? Not on your Break
fast Food. Right across the Street
from us there resides Il large Lady
who has original Knickcrbockrr Cor
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14

tie at the age Of 81 who wants to take
lite and swap NiSitiug-C ards with the
Vans. Social Recognition has Il high
Rating because there are only few
Shares on the Market, and not be
cause 1t pays Dividends"
1T seems to me that Il Slick Man
who can beat almost any kind of
Money Game ought t. learn In time
how to handle n Combine that's in the
hands of a few Elderly Ladies'" said
Sep.
I'm afraid that Il Man with tall
;rasS Training will make Freaks all
his Life" replied Bill. Hes always
doing what he wants to do instead of
playing Follow your Leader. | started
tp play Golf this year, not knowing
that it was Dead Card with the 100.
AS for riding Il Wheel they take
Shot ut any one whp GDes that The
Panama lI"t is scratched because 1t is
worn by the Common Sort who have to
en%lgh in Thought curing the Heated
Season. Rule No. | of the Smart Set
is to chop amy Diversion that has
caught on with TIE Wor. Ing Classes
As soon as 50 will pay for a Motor Car
and One Years Subscription, all the
real Blue Fish viii give their Ma
chimes to TIL Servants and fall to the
AirShip. Any one with an old-fash-
ioned laundering 70" Baseball and
Family Rigs and Drug Store Sody Wa
ter and all such Prairie Llxuries has
about one Chance in n Million. Even
if my Plcbr Tastes ddn't queer me,
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14
MARCHERS AND STRAGGLERS.
Town Philosopher Gives Some Hints
as to How to Succeed In Business.


as to How to Succeed In Business.
''No matter what business you may
be in," remarks the town philosopher
"unless you keep up with the process
sion you'll never arrive. Stragglers
don't count in business They can't
pick up enough scraps dropped by the
real marchers 10 keep them going, for
the fellows VINO are In the van don't
drop anything. They make clean
sweep.
"rhe straggler In the mercantile line,
for instance. is the slipshod storckeep
er who tries to do business in 1907 by
methods that went out of date in 1877.
He still has small panes of glass in his
front windows, about sixteen panes to
Il SASH while the merchant up the
street who marches in the van has ac-
cepted the plate glass window PROPOSE
ton as a good thing. Plate glass cost
lots of money thirty years ago, but to-
day it Is quite cheap and most any
body can buy it. 1t adds several per
cent to the exterior attraction of a
store, and it's the outside that any Gus
TONER sees DcIOTe lie sees lHe lllSlut
you know.
"These same stragglers who retain
their antique window panes still en-
ploy the methods of II in their adver-
tising. They carry about an inch of
space in the local paper, merely men
tioninS that Smith & Jones have Il full
stock of fine groceries, when the other
grocer takes a half column double and
advertises right by publishing a price
list of his best bargains for the day or
the week.
"Who gets the patronage Of the peo-
pie? Is 1t the grocer with the fly
specked window panes of a past gen
Grafton and the inch ad. that has stood
in the same type so long that the let
ters are worn off at the corners like n
run down shoe heel, or is it the man
whose errand boy washes the plate
glass windows every morning at 7
O'Clock and then carries the new copy
for the weeks advertising around to
the newspaper office?
'As | remarked" concluded the town
philosopher, "if you don't keep up with
the procession you won't get there"
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14
Too Much Curiosity.

a dangerous operation was being per.
formed upon woman. Old DR.. A.,
quaint German, fun of kindly wit and
professional enthusiasm. had several
younger doctors with him. One of
them was administering the ether. He
became so interested in the old doc
from the patients noStrilS. and she
half reused ANA rose to sitting pos
ture, looking with wild eyed amaze
ment over the surroundings 1t was
critical period, and Dr. A. did not
want to he interrupted. Lay down,
dere, woman" he commanded grutfiy.
student"
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14
Some Words With the Cook.

He was sad faced American tour
ist. and as he seated himself in n Lon
don restaurant he was Immediately at-
tended by an obsequious waiter.
Il want two eggs" said the Amerl-
can, zone fried on one side and one on
the other"
low is that, sir?'
1.-TWO eggs-one fried on one side and
one on the other"
"Very well, sir"
The waiter was gone several min
utes. When he returned, his face was
study.
''Would you please repeat your hor-
der, sir?"
II said very distInctly-two eggs, ono
fried on one side and one on the other"
Oppressive silence and then a dazed
Every well, SIR
This time he was gone longer. and
when he returned he said anxiously.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14
Ais Fair In Love and War.

\ soldier belonging to Il hrf'~a'e in
command of a general who believed in
a celibnte army asked permission to
marry, MS he had two COOL conduct
badges and money in the savings bank
We'll, go away" said the general
''and if You come back to me year
from today in the same frame of mind
you shall marry. I'll keep the va
cancy."
On the anniversary the soldier re-
peated his request.
but do You really, after Il year,
want to marry?" inquired the general
in Il surprised tone.
Yes. sir; very much"
sergeant major, take his name
down. Yes, you may marry. never
believed there was so much constancy
in man or woman Right face; quick
march,
As the man left the room. turning
his head. he said, "Thank you, sir; but
it isn't the same woman."-Ladies'
Home Journal
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14
YOUNG STREET CLEANERS.
How BrookIine School Children Keep a
Neiehborhood Free From Litter.

Neighborhood Free From Litter.
The Pierce school in Brookline, Mass.
has solved the problem of Uttered
streets in so far rs the children of
that school are concerned
At first an attempt was made at alb
stract teaching, says the Boston Tran
script, but 1t was without effect. Then
something practical was devised. Each
room held an election and selected four
representatives for the Good Citizens
club. making about fifty In all.
These met and selected officers. di.
vided up the streets of the ncIghbor.
hood and assigned n portion to each
grade, making 1t absolutely responsible
for conditions in its territory. Waste
rcCcptaCles were needed, and the chill
drcn interviewed the assistant super
intendent of streets and got them.
To keep up interest the teachers are
conducted by the various squads over
what they call their beats" Healthy
emulation has produced most desIr-
able results.
Ceanliness and freedom from posi-
bic contagion made 1t necessary that
the children should not handle dirty
papers. skins of fruit and other refuse
with their fingers, 50 the manual train
ing teacher got some volunteers from
the club and collecting sticks were pre-
pared for the workers.
The results of the experiment are
manifest, and many favorable com
ments have come In from citizens and
from the officials of the street depart
mcnt. School papers. which may east
ly be detected, are rarely found on the
streets. 1t is observed, however. that
refuse from other sources continues
about the same, and it Is thought 1t
will probably remain so until adults
learn from the children or till the
younger generation takes the place of
the present careless one.
The principal of the school says that
one thing IS ccrtain-the members of
the Good Citizens club of that Pierce
school who have bent their backs 1000
times in the course of single week
to pick up papers can never in the
whole course of their lives look upon
scattered papers in the streets with in
difference.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14
CLEAN UP PLAN.
Boys Paid IS Cents a Hundred For Tin
Cans In Trenton, Mo.


\ novel enterprise for the promotion
of sentiment for civic improvement
was recently fostered by the Trenton
(Mo) Clean City club, a local organiza-
ton backed by clubwomen in Trenton,
says the Kansas City Star. Partly to
get rid of the rubbish that adorned al
icys and streets and more to attract at
tention to the clean city movement the
club offered Trenton boys % cents a
hundred for all old tin cans delivered
to committee ON the day appointed.
The cans were received at the most
prominent point In the towns business
section, and for hours the streets were
1ammed with boys, cans and specta-
tors. One hundred and thirty boys
brought in more than $4,000 cans and
received nearly 5000 in payment.
The club expects the tin can day to
3e the pioneer event of a general move
llent In smaller cities. Clubs in sew
eral other towns have already shown
disposition to try the scheme, which
was an unqualified success.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14
Ono on the President.

When President Roosevelt alightcd
at Red Hill, Va, to see his wife's new
cottage he noticed that an elderly wo-
man was about to board the train and
rushed forward to assist her That
done, he grasped her hand and gave it
an "eyecutive shake"
The woman, Snatching her hand
away, exclaimed, Young man, | don't
know who you are, and | don't care Il
cent, but rust say you are the fresh
est somebody I've ever seen in these
parts"
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14
Tie Sun a Foreigner.

Sunset" CoX's most successful sally
at his opponents In congress was his
resolutions against free sunshine. made
when there was II fight on against low
erin@ the duty on coal
"RcsolNcl. That all windows, sky
lights. inside and outside shutters, cur
tanS and blinds shall be permanently
closed, as also all openings. holes.
chinks, ceftS and assures through
which the light and heat of the sun
have been allowed to cu:rv ApHScs. o
the prejudice and ini"rl of l2rgitoYious
miners and dealers in gas coal. to pro
tcrt domestic industry"
For the sun is Il foreigner" eX-
planned Mr.. Cox. He comes from
abroad. and we must shut out the light
of the sun in order to grntify these
Pennsylvania gentlemen who have Il
monopoly of this article of coal"
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14
The Reporter's Version.

When HelicOn hall, Upton SinclaIrs
Utopian colony, burned down, among
those injured was Mrs Grace Mac
Gowan Cooke, the we'll known author.
A youthful reporter on one of the big
New York dailies, eager to get his
story in the first edition, wrote hur-
riedly that "Grace MacGowan, the
cook, suffered from serious burns"
Which reminds Lippincott's of a
typographical error in one of Ella
Wheeler WilcoX's poems The author
had written sonnet containing this
line:
My soul is a lighthouse keeper.
To her amazement the verse read In
print:
My soul 10 a light housekesper.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14
Fox Huntino In a Greenhouses


The only fox hunting | have ever
done was on board an imp"tuolS. tough
mouthed, fore and aft horse that had
emotional insanity. AS | was away
from home and could not reach my
own horse | was obliged to mount Il
spirited stecl with high. intellectual
hips, one white eye and Il big red nos
tril that You could set Il Shanghai hen
in. This horse. rs soon as the pack
broke into a full cry, climbed over Il
fence that had wrought iron briers on
1t, lit in a cornfeld, stabbed his hind
leg through Il scre and yellow pump
kin, which he wore the rest of the day.
with seven yards of pumpkin vine
streaming out behind, and away We
dashed cross country.
l remained mounted because | hated
to get off in pieces
We did not see the fox. but we saw
almost everything else. | remember
riding throUEh a dollhouse. ami how
enjoyed it, \ morning Scanpcr through
n conservatory when the SirngaS and
jonquils and jack roses lie cuddled up
together in 'hcir little EclS is Il thing
to remember and look lack to and pay
for. TO stand knee deep in glass and
gladiou, to smell the mashed and
muSsed up mignonettc and the last
fragrant sigh of the scruuchcd hello
trope beneath the hoof of your horse
while far away the deep mouthcd bay
ing of the hoarse hounds, houy hug.
ging the reekinG trail of the aniSecd
bag, calling on the gorgeous Y capari-
soned hills to give back their merry
music, is joy to the hun;Smans heart.
Bill NVe
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14
Home Industry.

"lou are not camping out this sum
merE"
NO. We have pretty good line of
mosquitoes at home this year, and if
they do not succeed in satisfying all of
""r N"arnlnSS we may sleep IL couple
Of nights in the back yard AMI send
the 60 pk away and get our own meals
OF canned STUFF for II week"
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14
Tie Pot and the Kettle.

y rortly German of obvious IIebraic
aHCrS ry boarded Il Erolt,W -. car. IIn
handed the conductor-a IL .ly faced
lriShman-a transfer not goo on that
particular line The inevitable wrnnglc
followed. in which much Vehement Ian
g""gr found expression, coIo"cd with a
strong Hib"rniam flavor and an I'M
n!Stakabic Teutomic accent.
At length the fat German rose, but
before he left the car shock his fist in
the conductors face AMI r,clailnc |,
with profound contempt: You! You
are no American citiSScI. You have
not yet lost your broc-que. ."-Lippn-
colts.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14
Graded Up.

"What have You got in the way of
spcct"cleS:" asked the man who was
about to try oat his first pair.
Here is IA pair for 80 cents" said
the aTabc clerk, "and Il better pair
over here for a dollar"
"CHn | see twice as far with the
dollar pair as | can with the 30 cent
OncSt'
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14
Fairgrounds on Lots.

The Wyandotte Chautauqua associa-
ton is planning to make Fairgrounds
of the vacant lots on the west side of
Kansas City, Mo, Boys clubs are be-
ing organized, and they will be asked
to improve the unsightly spots about
the city, says the Kansas City Star.
The work will be under the direction
Of experienced heads of departments.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14
What an Amendment" Nav Do.

"SuCh an amendment" said Senator
Tillman during a debate. "would de
Stroy the bills meaning, as the mean
ing of the epitaph on old John
Skinn's tombstone was destroyed. The
amendment that was tackled to Johns
epitaph consisted of one word
friend 1t was put on in the dead of
night. The epitaph before that read:
lie did his best"
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14
No Need For Pensions.

y traveller In the orient, who was
picking up material for Il book. asked a
paSha: rs the civil service like ours?
Are there retiring allowances and pen
sions?"
My illustrious friend" replied the
pasha, "-Allah is great. and the public
functionary who stands in need Of
retiring allowance when his term of
Office expires is a fool"
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14
3 The -
Scrap Book
Not In the Army After All,

4 Methodist negro eXhortcr shouted.
come up IN jiue de army oh de
Lohd"
rs done jined." replied one of the
conGrcgat on
~ hard yoh jine?' asked the ex-
hortcr.
"In de Bapts' church."
'Why, chile, yoh amt in the army.
Yoh's in de navy"
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14
Why He Mas Sad.

"Oh, my friends" exclaimed the ORA
tor. 1T makes me sad when | think of
the days that are gaH", when look
around and miss the old flmiiar faces
| used to shake hands with"
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14

- n g g
W. "a ,,,c
Ion ~
lca d @ d
"a rrncr
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14

y us sc eS
moving up
and down
in her Sys-
tenn. She
has Blue
Blood, and
lots of it.
w q a re
Slatllering
our c IL T.
renc.y and
giving her
the Office
every day
or two in
the Hope
that some
ID y she
will ask us
to G. q IN G
over and
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14


LOOKING Rheao'
DucSn t II
Seem long
To wait
Till
The glad
And merry
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14

1t is funny what queer things Il man
thinks would make his wife happy.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14

suppose |
would be
disqua IT,
iiedhy the
L di gree
Clause. |
have been
trying to
class | fy
our A n
e g g t r n |
Tree. and
| find that
1t is IL
S h g | |
- II l Il
II iCkory
that has
ID e G n
struck by
Lightning
$ eve q |
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14
Takinq No Chances.

Are yon divorce lawycr:"
Il sometimes handle cases of that
sort
What will Il couple of good divorces
cot mc:'
Are YOU married to two womcn?"
"No, but want to make sure of the
job"
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14

Ii toes can think, they ought to take
mental science for their corns.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14
Net His Way.

Il haven't been feeling well for sew
eral days"
You ought to have n doctor treat
you"
Yes but 1t is hard to get one to do
II. | walked down the street with one
today. and he never said wOrd
though we passed three drink empori-
u"
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14

When Mars gets her wireless, prob
ably the first message we get VIII be,
"What'S the SCore!"
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14
His Secret,

His Secret.
You ought not to work such long
hours. Surely your boss can get along
without YOU part of the time
"Surc he can, but | don't want him
to find il out"
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14

Liberty is n thing that few people
understand and fewer can u'e.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14

Don't be Il quttcr till you have t.,
and then stick to 1t.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14

y man may not say it all when he
tells woman she is pretty, but it is
enough.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14

The less taxes man pays the more
he kicks about the government
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14

Don't be supersttious about luck,
but just he lucky
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14
Humor ana Philosophy
BY DUNCAN NJ. SMITH
PERT PARAGRAF HIS.

PERT PARAGRAPHS.
Don't be quittcr till you have TO-
and then stick to 1t.
Liberty is n thing that few people
understand and fewer can u'e,
1t is funny what queer things Il man
thinks would make his wife happy.
II toes can think, they ought to take
mental science for their corns.
When Mars gets her wireless, prob
ably the first message we get VIII be,
'Whats the scoreT
\ man may not say it all when he
tells woman she is pretty, but it is
enough.
The less taxes man pays the more
he kicks about the government.
Don't be superstitious about luck,
but just be lucky.
Happy is the lawyer whose wife Is
the least of his trials.
\ fat woman may be comfortable,
but when she is next you aren't
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1907-09-14

Happy is the lawyer whose wife Is
the least of his trials.