Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1907-09-03
.BAT OF The WITS
When Artemus Ward and Henry
]. Byron First Met.
A TILL IN A LONDON CLUE.

The Famous Humorist Started In to
Have Some Fun With the Dramatist,
but Found In the End That He Had
Met His Match At chaffins.
What follows relates to the first
meeting Of the late Henry ]. Byron
and Artemus Ward. 1t was at the Saw
age club in London after one of the
Saturday dinners, and Tom Robertson
suggested to Artemus to have tilt
with Byron and If possible draw him
out The genial Snowman had only
been, in England few days, but he
knew Byron's METER and went for
him in this fashion: y.
81 fancy I have seen face like
yours before. Did Won ever have a
brother Alonzo ~ Robertson was be-
hind Artemus and winked at Byron.
'"Alas, I had!'' replied the drama
tist, instantly catching the situat ton. n
He was a mariner, engaged on the
deep ~ .35 335l,5S u,
That's So" 81; ss \;
..You haven't heard Of him for five
years ~ -s#- e. A,
Byron affected to be lost In refec-
ton and deliberately replied: ITS Eve
years ago this very day. How curious
you should mention 1t, sir!' 55.. 4s u
"WelI, sir" replied Artemus, taking
out his handkerchief and pretending
to wipe away "a tear, II sailed the salt
sea with your brother. We were wreck
ed together in the gulf Of Mexico, and
before help came killed and ate him.
The moment / saw you recognized
the likeness. He was a good fellow,
full of tender feeling" q.
IT am glad you found him tender, !,
interrupted Byron, also pulling out his
handkerchief. n, Az b. 4 s 3i.:Sg .= 5s
"But, sir, I am awfully sorry ate
him." said Artemus In the most Inn
perturbable fashion. Had / known I
should ever meet his brother am sure
I'd have gone without food some
weeks longer. But was driven to it,
and you will forgive me, won't you
liked Alonzo," and he offered his
hand to Byron, which the latter shook
with cordiality. n
Excuse my emotion, won't your
gasped Byron In his handkerchief.
HE never wrote and told me what
had become Of him. hope he agreed
with you ..s.s13 :s: s5s6
"a slight indigestion afterward. He
was little tough" replied Artemus,
"but wen not speak Of that. We both
suffered. He suffered most But re-
member, sir. the law can't touch me
now. It was stern necessity, and me-
cessity, as you may have heard,
knows no law But I am willing TO
pay you damages for the loss. About
what would you think fair compen:
sation r. y s, s5 :;tf5ts " "a IS
Don't mention it, said Byron, who
now thought It time to turn the tables.
81 think your name. is Ward said he.
Eyes. e Il.
Artemus Ward7' s*
quite so. = " Il f5 s55 s's55
lyon had d father r. NJ 5@:sss .ss
II had" ..; .5 sg8s S
'sHe was o Yankee peddIer In his
own country, was he not? Sold bug
pizen and fine tooth combs Z"
You've hit the comb 4 mean the
nail on the head" s5.s
HE died In the black country Of
England, did he not2"
"He did, .3
WELL killed him. knew you
were his son the moment laid eyes
on you. He was nice old gentleman.
and made his acquaintance in Stat
fordshire. He wished to go down q
deep coal mine; SO did !. and we went
down together, had good time. ex-
| plored, lunched with the miners, drank
more than was good for us and pro,
ceeded to return to mother earth's sur,
face. After you have been down d
mine you are fond OF your mother,
assure you, The prodigal felt nothing
l In what II aynarspnnad syWs, onenrn6