davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Free press., 1907-01-12

lar this McCarty, shure, an if he had but
it. an phot's more, he'd thank yer for takin'
it. lMove the crank, James. Music be the
Ladies and gintIemen. w've now arrived
at beautiful shpot, situated about twinty
over there yer'il see hut, be the Side of
which is sated lady an gintleman. Well,
as l was goin' that way wan day the fol;
Move the crank. James, etc.)
Ladies and gintlemen, we have now ar
rived at the beautiful and classical lakes of
Killarney. There's a curious legend con-
nected wild these lakes that 1 must relate
O'Clock in the afternoon, a beautiful swan
is seen to make its appearance, and while
ducks its limbs. skips under the water and
yerH not see him again till the next after
Ladies and gintiemen'' we have now ar
rived at another beautiful spot, situated
coGuk T6 Is at place. TINS nosG
shportsmen, an phile shopping over there
of conversation occurred betwixt Mr. Null
dooney, the waiter and mesen. l says to
hRe hs kindness to eeh e e0y IL the mTs yHH
tard?' An, ne was s, long @ time & 6ringin' it;
he % me says h he kaeR meGdne
m99 notice iG that that you take "a great % deal deal Of
Says he notice 95st you take Blame
sight of mate wild your mustard" (Move
the crank, James, etc)
While travelling in the States, some years
ago, for the beneft of my health, 1 took the
cars for Chin -nat-ti, State Of Oh-ho-h no,
on me way to Montreal and Que bec-que,
in Can-a-da, down the river Saint largo
mae. till a place called Buff-lo. after which
I struck party going about eighteen an
for its great waterfall, an called Niagara.
While passin' by the falls wan evenin', 1
overheard the followin' remarks pass be-
tween a lady an gintleman. Says he to
her, Mary Ann," says he, "cast your eyes
up on that ledge of rocks and that vast
body of water a-rushing down over the prec-
ipice. Isn't that great curiosity?" II
know that" says she, but foudent it be
a greater curiosity if they'd all turn round
and pass back again?'
Home, Swate Honey
Free press., 1907-01-12
THE VOICES THAT CAME TO
UNCLE.
(Continaed ION eage 81

Continued from Pdee5)
to mention when he made his final address
to them.
He made the preliminary announcement
the morning of the day which had been
appointed for his benefcence, standing up
at the breakfast table, and hourishing a
large blue envelope, and blowing his nose
furiously.
He had lost every farthing, he declared,
and couldn't even pay for his keep. If
they turned him away he must earn his liv-
ing a laborer-or go and shoot tigers
and lions for their skins-and he didn't
suppose they believed that he had ever shot
tiger a lion!
He stamped out of the room, growing to
himself, az if he were both, and took refuge
in the little study.
Free press., 1907-01-12

their society to-day he told himself. ITO.
Then he heard fathers step in the passage:
He isn't going to wait till tomorrow! J!
frmed when father sat down and hdgeted
with his moustache and hesitated; but he
did not begin Uncle expected
I'VE want you to understand that our house
is your home, Uncle he said, and there's
to be no talk of your leaving US. We should
such a, thing. 1t. isn't only that, either.
though I'm grateful to you for the in
tenIGn as If you'd You see done weve m got used to
having you here, and-and you've trav-
eled lot and you've got lot of adven:
rubbish about not believing them, because
we should never think of doubling you We
to anything. about your leaving US.
That's final. Uncle. Well, 1 must be
off. I'll get home early for chat. We're
very glad to have you, remember.
Uncle wiped his forehead when father had
Hell soon change his tune.'' he OBJ
served, but he has, at any rate, sense
little fellow when he was a boy. It's his
wife who's at the bottom of it, 1 suppose.
few minutes later mother appeared
She brought a tray with an omelette and
stand his not wanting breakfast. she said:
but it would worry her if he didn't eat it.
So she was sure he would try.
you are troubled. But you need not worry
so much, because we shall make you very
comfortable here. 1 shall never forget the
kindness that you intended.
The furniture isn't very necessary to us.
you know. You are necessary to us, and
you're going to stop with us, and-I am SO
sorry for your loss, Uncle"
Uncle's stern old face quivered when
cit wasn't her doing.'' he said to him
self. she's kind hearted woman; and
if 1 hadn't heard what they said with my
own earS-Come in -
Bob entered, smiling cheerfully.
II thought you might be inclined to walk
down to the office with me- he said, Just
for a stroll. Beastly rough luck your
Gle: ] want to tell you not to worry about
me-
Bob's voice grew suddenly husky, and he
bolted Uncle watched him through the
window as he strode away.
There's good in the fellow" he groaned.
1T must have been Marian who was at the
bottom of it-Marian - He buried his face
in his hands. and did not hear Marian's
soft knock, or know that she was in the
room till he felt her arms round his neck
and a wet cheek against his.
Uncle" she whispered. ''Uncle dear!
You haven't lost everything. You've still
your little NIECE
This time Uncle broke down completely.
1t a full minute before he recovered
sufficiently to wipe his face. They were
Marian's tears, he said and she very
silly little girl, and he was a very silly old
man.
He repeated the latter statement at
luncheon. He had stupidity misread the let
ter. he told them; and he hadn't lost his
fortune, but found-them!
So they are all very happy; and if any
one is happier it is Uncle.
Free press., 1907-01-12
A DUTCHMANS TESTIMONY IN
A STEAMBOAT CASE.

Several years ago the steamboat Buck
eye blew up on the Ohio river near Pitts
burg. by which. accident a lady rejoicing
in the name of Mrs. Rebecca Jones lost
both her husband and her baggage. In
due time she brought suit against the own
ers of the boat for damages for the death
the loss of her clothing. On trial the de-
tense denied everything. 1t was alleged that
neither Jones nor his wife was aboard the
Buckeye and therefore he could not have
been killed or any clothing lost. The Jones
family being strangers in Pittsburg, where
they went on board the boat, it was diff
cult to find any witnesses to prove that the
missing man was actually on board or that
he was killed. Finally Mrs. Jones remem-
Free press., 1907-01-12
THE IRIsHMAN's PANORAMA.
By J. s. Burdett.

Ladies and Gintlemen-In the foreground
over there you'll observe Vinegar Hill, and
lowing conversation I heard 'twixt him an
her. Says she to him: James, it's a
moind the time yer come to me fathers
castle a-beggin' % Eyer fathers castle, me
wolfe? Shure yer could shtand on the out
side, stick yer arm down the chimney. pick
peraties out O. the pot and niver a par
should yer be goin' by that way some day
yer moight be fatigued, an If yer ar yer'lI
foind at the fut o. the hill a nate little cot
Way. IS as foine lad as yoT'll mate in a
days march. I see by the hasp the door
that McCarty's out, or I'd take yez in an
introduce yer. A foine, noble, ginerous fell
Free press., 1907-01-12

1 went into Stanley's the other day and
saw a friend of mine seated at a table with
a lady. She had false hair, false teeth,
glass eye and wooden pedal. My friend
says: Let me introduce you to my WIFE,"
took him aside and speaking in an under
tone, said: How could you ever marry
such a looking woman? I see that she has
false teeth, false hair, and glass eye" He
says: Speak out, my boy, she's deaf, too"
Jack NOrworth.
Free press., 1907-01-12

One day I went to Washington to see if
couldn't get an appointment from Presi-
dent Roosevelt. Well he told there was
nothing vacant. 1 strolled along the banks
man foating in the river. I recognized him
as a watchman in the treasury building.
I hurried to the President, told him of the
vacancy and asked for the job. He says
You're too late. I've just appointed the
man that saw him fall in.'-George Thatch-
er.
Free press., 1907-01-12

A Jew boy enters a grocery store and says
to the clerk: Take this order. Ten lbs.
sugar at cents, IL lbs. coffee at 25 cents,
8 lbs. tea at 80 cents Add that up. How
much is it 90
Clerk-"FiVe dollars
Boy-"Are you sure?"
Clerk-"Of course I'm sure"
Boy-'Thanks. That's my arithmetic
lesson for Tomorrow
Free press., 1907-01-12

"A man stole harness the other day
and never left trace.'-John T. Ray.
Free press., 1907-01-12

man arrested for murder bribed an
Irishman on the jury with a hundred dol
lars to hang out for a verdict of manslaugh-
ter The man rushed up to the Irish juror
and said, I'm obliged to you, my friend.
the Irishman. 1.-The other eleven wanted to
acquit yer"
Free press., 1907-01-12

not extravigant. And with unprece-
100 nrosneritv existing we should
Free press., 1907-01-12

Are your folks we'll to do?"
mo. They're hard to do."-Cook
Sonora
"I saw a man yesterday with deaf and
dumb sign on. So gave him nickel. He
said: Thank you I said, thought you
were deaf and dumb. oh he said I'm
low comes back Well, where is the other
fellow? 1 asked. 'Oh, he's over in the beer
garden listening to the music Ward &
Curran.
Free press., 1907-01-12

MY friend Casey had a friend named
Sullivan, who was very sick, and as there
physician that he would sit up with him.
Well, the doctor told Casey to administer a
powder at 10 o'clock and to give him just
what he could get on a dime and no more.
He took dime from his pocket and Showed
Casey the necessary portion and cautioned
him against giving an overdose. Casey said
he understood and the doctor left-of course
without leaving the dime. The next morn
ing when he called he found the man dead.
He said to Casey. Did you give him the
dose I prescribed?' Casey said, OF course
/ did. l didn't have dime so I put it on
two nickels.' George Fuller Golden.
Free press., 1907-01-12

in cook book in the irst place.
Houston Post.
Free press., 1907-01-12

There is a well-known saloon in Brook
lyn which has three entrances. Casey
terS and the bartender refuses to serve him
because he is intoxicated After an argu-
ment Casey leaves the saloon apd soon
discovers the second entrance. He goes in
and looks at the bartender with consider
able surprise and again calls for drink and
is again refused. He leaves, but soon comes
back through the third entrance. He walks
up to the bar unsteadily and looking the
bartender in the face says disgustedly
Say do you own all the saloons in town? 2"
j. w. Kelly.
Free press., 1907-01-12

Judge-"What's your occupation?"
Mike-''I'm a sailor
Judge-"You don't look like a sailor.
1 don't believe you were ever on ship"
Mike-"Do you think 1 came from Ire
land in a hack ?''-Mark Murphy.
Free press., 1907-01-12

I'VE have German bands and French
bands and American bands, but you never
hear of an Irish band. You couldn't have
one. Every man would want to be leader
j. W. Kelly.
Free press., 1907-01-12

my brother is an A 1 prize-fghter. He's
won over thirty battles
That's nothing. I've got a brother that
puts them all to Sleep"
"Is your brother a prize-hghter?"
mo. He's preacher.'-Smith Camp
bell.
Free press., 1907-01-12

Did you ever notice the difference be-
tween a German picnic and an Irish picnic?
The Germans meet at the hall and march
right out to the picnic. Do the Irish do that?
Not on your life. They've got to march
around town about three hours. Every man
in the procession wants to pass his own
house,. w. Kelly.
Free press., 1907-01-12

Levi Cohen went to Rockaway Beach for
the salt water bathing. He decided he
wouldn't plunge into the surf for a few
days so he walked down to the beach with
a bucket and asked the man who had charge
OF the life-boat what it would cost for lit
tie salt water so he could take a sponge
bath at the bath house. The man sized
Cohen up for an easy mark and told him
70 cents pail. Cohen paid the quarter
and started of with the bucket of water.
The next morning he appeared again the
beach, bucket in hand. The tide out
about 700 feet. Cohen turned to the man
and said: Vat a dizziness you are doing"
j. w. Ransome.
Free press., 1907-01-12

New foreman-"What are you doin there.
Rafferty,
Rafferty-"Im oilin' the wheelbarrow.'
New foreman-'Well, lave it alone. I'll
do 1T meself. What do you know about
machinery"
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1907-03-29
The Truth About Starving.

Novelists write lot OF n,msens.
about the extreme suffering that ac-
companies starvation. IL is all poppy
cock. says Dillon Wallace. in the Out
ing Magazine Any healthy person.
with a normal appetite after missing
two or three meals - as hungry as he
ever gets. Aner while there is a
sense " weakness that grows IN one.
and this increases with the days. Then
there comes desire for a great deal
Of sleep. a sort Of iassitude that is not
unpleasant. and this desire becomes
more pronounced A. the weakness
Erows The end is always in sleep.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1907-03-29

The custom OF drinking tea was prac-
tically unknown among natives mp 10
twelve years ago. Government ser.
wants were the first to be taken up,
ana IL Is present in somewhat Of
this class Gradually It's use extended
to village landlords. and even to- the
more welltodo cultiyators and vii
large officers. especially within the last
three years. the example ut railway
irrigation employees having materi-
ally assisted it's Introduction. Some
cultivating castles have special liking
for II aud drink Il even three OF -four
times a day Indian World.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1907-03-29

Proof against all the din of street
aud river is the sound-proot shelter
deep in the foundations. of Mr.. Isaac
J. Rice ON the Riverside drive.
The Rires are the successful leaders
of campaign against the superiiuous
whistling OF The craft which ply in the
Hudson and are also the pioneers of
a movement which is to bring into be-
ing the society for the Supervision Of
Unnecessary Noises.
MIR. Rice is one OF the best known
patrons OF the game of chess in the
United States and the inventor of a
sambit which has given him high
place among the experts who move
knights and bishops over the checkered
board
Chess is game which requires quiet
and contemplation. when Mr. Rice in
vited his friends to tournaments he
found that the caterwauling OF the ST
renS OF the steam tugs which went up
and down the river eNerted 4 disturb
ing influence.
lie would have had To give up play
luk NIt Eallt tutlltlN P'AhafN h"h II
not occurred TO him that in the foun-
iatious of his house WAS 4 space which
ould hp readily utilized as a sound
proof refuge.
Ii is literally a chamber blasted and
hewn out ut the living rock.
Despite its walls. ynpierced by win
lows except at the back. this room has
free circulation of air and is one
VI the most cozy aud comfortable apart
meuts imaginable
only once in while. on very foggy
nights. Is the sound OF the steam ST.
rens heard and then IL comes only a.
faint and far-or echo. The room is
% feet square. and there is abundant
space for chess tables and numerous
leather upholstered chairs.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1907-03-29
Xs.~%,NsteS ACs
1.ESEEEE
Especial CorrespondenceJ

Wall street men occasionally d.s-
cuss the question how much the rail-
roads want, and, indeed, this has be-
come an important one in view OF the
incessant call The estimate for the
present year is sl.oOo. o.ODO .OOO-a large
sum-but there is hardly a railroad In
the country that il not needing money,
and OF course, must bOrrOw, or issue
new stock, as bonds, DO not sell. The
amount Of new stock recently issued
is not less than $500 600 600, and then
there are the above mentioned short
time notes Of almost equal amount,
thus making about $500, 900 900 OBJ
tanned since the opening Of the year,
and yet the demand is 50 far from
being satisfied that this only seems i
beginning
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1907-03-29

In the year 1915 the Thames froze
and The English channel was Tor a
time impossible because Of icebergs.
The coldest European winter on rec.
ord was that of l7OS-l7O9 II began
early in October In lac also the
cold Was so intense that birds fell
dead 10 the ground.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1907-03-29

While his accomplice played las-ical
selections on the piano in the front
room Of house On Seventh avenue,
while the owner was out dining, and
thus allayed suspicion, neryy bur
glar ransacked the house from top to
bottom and got away with about $500
worth OF loot.
The pair entered by a cellar door,
and then lighting up the house, one
went 10 the parlor and played Chopin,
Charminade and other composers The
crowd gathered on the sidewalk ap-
plauded the technique OF the musician,
but never thought for minute that
be was a burglar.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1907-03-29

found necessary TO place extra passen-
ger boats on the different lines dur
ing the rush season.
Residents OF Boston need have 20
fear OF invasion in case OF war, accof d.
ing TO statement made the other day
by BrigadieT-GeHcral j. Franklin Eell.
chicf OF the general staif, that Boston
is one OF the most strongly fortited
harbOrs IN the world. ana no snip Of
any type would live IN the rain OF fire
that could be- concentrated from the
halfmOOn Of forls located in Boston
harbOr.'
General Ben, accompanied by Col
Weaver and Hrigadier-General Muir
ray, CHIEF OF artillery, who came on
from Washington 10 participate in the
Evacuation day exercises, made tour
Of the harbor and when asked his
opinion relative TO the strength OF
Boston harbOT, General bell said:
The forts are 50 located that they
could train their fire in any direction,
which would make IL almost impossible
for any ship, or feet OF ships. TO get
within striking distance Of this city.
Many Of the forts are still incom-
plete, but despite this fact can safely
say that the harbOr Is one OF the most
strongly defended Of any in the world.
OF course Congress has appropriated
enough money 10 allow for the mount
ing OF the guns now lying idle at the
various forts. When this has been ac-
complishcd and the fortiications at
Deer Island are finished, the residents
Of Boston need have no fear Of foreign
invasion
THE harbOrs Of the United States
are as strongly fortified as those OF
any nation in the world and in many
cases are superior and but few have
the natural resources necessary in the
defences OF "A harUUr as compared
with Boston
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1907-03-29

Death Keeps busy i'm the ranks OF
journalism, and among the latest losses
was Ralph Tilton, son OF the once
noted editor Though not as brilliant
as his father, he WAS far more practical.
and was making success ont OF the
Delincator, OF which he had reached SUI
prome control Another striking in
stance is found i'm Wendell Phillips
Garrison ot The Evening Post. ON which
he had won a prominent position. ue
was son OF William Garrison. the dis
tiuauished alo'itionist. and was named
after Wendell Phillips, the once ia
nous orator, but both are now dead
and almost forgotten, and he, too,
uasStS To oblivion.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1907-03-29

Mrs. Agnes J.. RoesIer cicrron" Do
'he Juvenile visitors 10 the American
Museum OF Natural History earns her
pay by answering questions put her
by iuquisitNc children.
That her job is no siuecure can be
easily understood by anyone who has
ever t~s~d 20 answer the queries put by
Il child who wants TO know" Mrs.
Roesler is we'll qualified for the task,
however, as she has studied natural
history for years, 50 the parents who
want their children 10 learn some
thing of the subject can take them 10
the museum and leave them for hours
at time. The children can ask what
questions they wish; Mrs Roesler will
dO the resi-.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1907-03-29


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The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1907-03-29
ECZEMA and PILE CURE

FREE Knswtag what IL vas 10 suffer,
VII give FREE o. CHARGE, 10
say sa'sted . pssssive 49, Or Bssems.
Sak Rseuu, EfyspseAs, Yssss ssd Skis
Dtsssses. Insts1t pc6AS. Dsut ssDH long,
o.. wrise r. W. WILLIAMS, - Mashst
~ Avesse, New Ysrh. DAsiese STAMP.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1907-03-29

A movement 20 protect the lives Of
passengers ON steamboats, through ma
tonal Legislation has been begun in
this city and the sid of President Eliot
OF Harvard. Rism'q Lawrence. former
Governor Rates ayd others has been
enlisted. and diroc. appeals for a bet
ter service and boJ,or protection have
been made direct ~ President Rooso.
welt and Secretary of Commerce and
Labor Suaus.
Tie national government is asked
for law regulaDiu, the character OF
the crew and the establishment OF an
apprentice system laat a man taking
water "Trip may iuoW into whose
hands he is rnDrustiNg hDS life.
Secretary Sraus writes 10 the or
gani2ation here that Ia has done every
thing in his power tc improve Coudi-
tons. and has already ordered three
annual inspections of each vessel and
that the inspectors ar, insisting that
better class of men be employed.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1907-03-29

South Boston Evacuation day s"lr-
bIalIoh on MarCh H. established new
nigh records for Iuiur" ones to aim at
he DAY mad IN every way b"rh Il
grand success. When evening came
and all had recovered IN measure
lrnm the fatigue oi Oh" parade 'h'I'
were sun lA" fireworks ON Dorchester
lI'lsnls for lh" mu'ulua' ana ihe
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1907-03-29
S%<Els/ILss
AROUND D&2E HUB
//g 11<\\
Especial CorrespondenceJ

The joint army ana Massachusetts
militia artillery manOcuyrcs around
Boston will be held during "Old Home -
week, from July rs to August ..
This has been arranged at the special
request Of Governor Guild, who has
been anxious that military operations
should incidentally be AN additional
attraction and amusement for those
who will flock ~ the lIub al that time
ps
II is surprising TO see how the women
in all the walks OF BOstOn's business
life manage TO gel the iilDle touch Of
fcminiuity into their dress For in
stance, the mattresses in all Of the
Newspaper Row cafes are just now rec
splcndcnt in monstrous bow knots
which hold their immaculate aprons In
front Of them These tnOts are as
large as those on geiaha's sash and
are fetching, 10 say the least In an
other cafc--stilI speaking of la place
des journax x'-thc Mattresses are
dcckcd out with waists which have
black baby ribbon Insertions, and
they have trim black patent leather
LlOpg
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1907-03-29

The death of Thomas Bailey Aldrich
brings sad realization with it's sudden
shock There is an end uf the pleasant
series which began with the Ballad Of
Baby Bell' and touched every note of
sentiment and OF light fancy to which
human nature responds.
MIR. NdriCh was the poSIessor of the
Nghlcst touch. the most delicate liter
AIRY stNle among the poe,s ot New
ENGLAND. Much the same quality is
observable i'm his prose writings,
but while the latter VIII stand as fine
examples Of polished conn .uSitiOn and
mildly radiant humur, Il "a upon his
verses that his reputation must rest
snd by thcse he will he most thankfully
remembered.
Tie WAS not great poet as great
ness is measured 10y The critical stand.
a'd. but he was one whose haud beauJi.
fed what 20 touched and whose great
merit WAS that oI charm rather than
instruction ur indeed inspiration Ills.
too. WAS valuable service 10 general
literature