Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-10-05
JOBSON AND WEATHER.

A T breakfast, one stuffy morning about
~ two weeks ago Mrs. Jobson said:
We'll. it's about time to get the
house ready for the cold weather. so to-
day I'm going to look around for a man
to put down the carpets, and tomorrow tn
put up the lace curtains and take the
covess from the furniture. and
That's as far as she got with the pro-
gram. Mr.. Jobson was glaring at her over
the top of the newspaper. which he had
propped up against the sugar bowl.
Get ready for the cold weather. hey?"
he said. wait a minute" and he jumped
UP from the table, trotted out to the base
ment door, took down the thermometer that
show to Mrs. Jobson.
Just take peek at that. IL you please"
he said to Mrs. Jobson. You don't need
your glasses to read that. do you? Eighty
feur-thats the temperature at the break
fast hour this morning. Now. just to give
sort OF psychological tone and interest to
this thing. will you be good enough to tell
me what in the blooming blazes ever got
you into the notion, on such morning
this that the time had arrived to get the
house ready for the cold weather. you
expressed it,"
"Oh. WE'LL said Mrs Jobson, 1.-The season,
you know. Here it's past the middle of
oepteuIDeT ana, IHOuSn II may De q Dlt uIl-
seasonably warm, why, I like to have
things fixed around the house In anticipa-
ton Of the seasons. and We certainly are
due to have change in the wealth.
"Oh, We are. are WEI" broke in Mr.. job
son. by the way, when did you organize
yourself into a little personally conducted
weather bureau. hey? Where did you pick
up this line Of prognosticating dope? And.
IL you've got 1t all dead pat. it's Won
der you wouldn't get job at it that would
fetch you In gum money. anyhow. You've
got 1t rugged for a cinch. then. that we're
due for a bunch of raw weather? Why
don't you go a little stronger than that?
Tell me. for example, just when we're due
to get hit on the ankle bone by the tail Of
that 1905 comet that's projecting around
somewhere only few billion miles away.
and now visible from the south coast OF
Turkestan as well as from points on the
Red and from the uninhabited Islands
Of the Straits of Sunda? When's the next
big earthquaks going to bob along? ]
going in to try to trim Mother Shipton Of
her reputation as a map-maker of the
future. But you've got to show me. I've
been sticking around too long In your near
vicinage to take it all on credit"
But mildly argued Mrs. Jobson.
wouldn't 1t be good thing. even if it is a
bit warm and stuffy now, to have the house
all ready when the chilly weather does
come along? You know how you like cozi-
ness, and often, when I've deferred making
preparations for the coming of the fall
weather, you have
"Wait a minute. Just refrain, for once.
will you. from trying to pass 1t all up to
me?' interrupted Mr.. Jobson. That old
game is all frazzIed out. You do every
thing you want to do Just exactly when and
how you please. and then you try to stick
the responsibility up to me. But that stun
isn't going to go around here any more
This Internal house is hot enough as it is
without your scrambling in in the middle
Of the summer-well, it's midsummer
av,I fo ,,l-
look about seven million degrees hotter by
planting all of the carpets. sticking up
layout of lace curtains that breath of all
couldn't percolate through II 1t had the
force of Chinese typhoon behind it, and
taking the nice. cool covers off chairs AND
sofas and things that offer the only inviting
ly cool look to the arid eye in the midst OF
all of this gummy, abominable, swelterine
heat? What's the idea, anyhow? You go
something on hand a few weeks from now
when it'll be seasonable to do all of these
switching jobs that'n keep you
sewed up so that you won't be able to at
tend to it then? Is that the reason why
you're trying to make this dump look like
a near view of a blast furnace at a perioG
of the year when folks still dropping or
the street from sunstroke? Hey?
"Oh. nothing like that amiably replied
Mrs. Jobson; only 1 remember how sud
denly chilled you become every year wheT
the Washington summer comes to its quick
termination with a succession of raw rains
and how you always come in from the Office
at such a time saying that you are frozer
to the marrow. and that
"Uh-huh! But just you give my marrow
a chance to freeze. If you please, and IL
be responsible for all the rest of it, cut In
Mr. Jobson. Just eliminate that gag OF
trying to live so fast by foring the sea.
sons. I'm in no hurry to get through witt
this living thing. I'm going to try to stick
around as long as can. I'm going to give
summer a chance to pick up its doll rags
~. "a h4FN h,ttnr n,yf nnto IN
shoo-fiy line and try to send summer on Its
way by chucking rocks at it. There won't
be chilly day in this town till the first OF
November. I've been watching meteoro
logical conditions around here for a long
time and I've got pretty fair line of dope
on weather conditions in little old Wash
ington. The first Of November'll be plenty
time enough for you to begin to Shrek al
the breakfast table about the job you have
to pillow around and get dinge to put
down the winter carpets and hinge up the
winter curtains and all like that. It's a
wonder you don't ask me to make wooC
fire upstairs to take the chill off. when the
collar l put on only fifteen minutes ago Is
already reduced to pulp from the humidity.
Every WELL" said Mrs. Jobson, Il shall
walt. then. till you tell me to
That's the answer put in Mr.. Jobson.
'Wait till l tell you, and you can't make
want to see the winter aspect spread over
this plant I'll be there with the tip to you
and you needn't bother your head about ii
till then. If you'd refrain from taking any
steps of this sort till you'd ask me- you'd
be a heap better off, and things around here
would run a heap more smoothly than they
do. that's all I've got to say
Just three days later, as will be recalled,
the weather suddenly changed.
Mr.. Jobson is naturally cold-blooded, and
his lips were blue when he. came home from
the office. His hands were like Jumps OF
ice and his teeth were chattering.
tRr-r
he'd got in and hung up his coat. "Darnedest
climate on the civilized globe, that's what
this climate is! One day It's like the
Island of Tahiti, and the next it's like
Spitzbergen! Br-r-r-r-rr! Never was so
DANCED cold in my life! Chilled right
through to the marrow. Say, where's my
winter underwear anyhow. or have you
sold 1t to the secondhand clothes man for
a nickel or two? If I've got any, get it out
right away will you? I'm not going to be
frozen stiff on the street if can help It,
Mrs. Jobson didn't say anything. though
she cast some anxious looks at the 'front.'
room furniture still swaddled up in the
linen coverings. and at the bare floors.
Gee! But this is the bleak-looking bar
racks! went Mr.. Jobson, tramping
around and Tapping his arms like milk
man on mdwinter morning. Looks like
a shed built for sheltering north-pole air
ship up at TromsOe. or some such fool
nIaco Iook at thOsa dad binPad hare