Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1907-07-13
TOO MUCH ADVICE.

Truly life Is full Of peril. Not merely
the peril that comes with steam and
electricity, and gasoline motors, perils
BY land aud perils Of water, but the
dangers that confront US even when
we think We are following the most
hygienlc laws Of nature. Exactly
where we stand we know not. for Just
rs we have learned from Mr.. Gladstone
and DR.. Fletcher that each mouthful
OF food should be chewed patiently
from - to $50 times, according to the
substance thereof, along comes DR..
Wiley and warns us against the dan.
ger of too much chewing. Rather should
we bolt our food, after the manner of
the intelligent dog. for notably In the
case of meat much chewing Is the fore.
runner Of serious indigestion. And
when we have meekly accepted this
doctrine up rises physician. fresh and
rudy from his sixteen days fast, and
tells us not TO eat ut all. but drink
coplously Of sparkling water. for eat.
ing Is vile habit. productive Of many
diseases of'the digestive organs. Still
bewIldcred. we are constrained to no.
sort to a cold bath, which Is much adj.
mlred OF certain medical gentlemen.
On the brink Of the tub Los Angeles
expert halts us and assurs us that no.
body ever did enjoy a cold bath, and
that, moreover. II Is as dangerous as It
IL unpleasant. We heat the water.
and again we nre checked by an Eng
fish scientist, who warns us to forbear
from soap II we must battle. because.
as the Lancet admits. soap IL the cause
Of "the frequent inability OF the Anglo
Saxon to resist disease" Even the
fact that II we die we die clean cannot
entirely reconcile us to the thought of
a premature demise. And 80. unfed,
unwashcd, we go about our daily busl-
ness or seek In germ.infested sheets the
sweet oblivion OF all that makes life
one perpetual menace. Assuming that
we have slept three hours and a half.
Mr.. Edison wakes us up and assures
us that In excess Of slumber we are
despOillng our natural resources and
swiftly inviting general debility. We
arise, possibly reluctantly, and await
the next expert opinion as to the de.
velopment OF long and merry life.
Now. In the absence OF testimony from
Methuselah and old Parr, we must ac-
cept every suggestion that Is offered or
reject them all with "a plague o. both
your houses" or try to live up to the
teachings OF the grandmothers. These,
were not numerous. but they were ex-
planatOry and mandatory, They In.
volved the general principle. Eat
slowly chew your food" without any
special enumeration Of jaw movements.
They maintained the doctrine, early
to bed and early to RISE" without de-
fning the exact hours. They insisted
upon the old-fashloned Saturday night
soak, with soap and plenty of It. And
the subjects of this treatment lived to
a fine old age or died young, according
as Providence decrecd, ana with no
haunting fear that sleep, or meat, or
soap was shortening their days. Arte.
mus Ward said, I'VE air governed 9
mutch," and Artemus passed away be-
fore the medical experts and the scien-
tfc gentry assumed entire charge Of
our living and dying. even when quar-.
rellng one with the other. What he
would say in the present emergency
would require probably all the ingenu-
ity of his eXuberant spelling.