Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1907-07-11
a WON DERFUL
BED
BY JAMES r. PARsoN.

derful invention of the twentieth cen.
fury. The children cry for it, ladies
sigh for it. McGilder's patent bed,
or sofa--all for the small price of
three dollars. Now then, ladies' and
gentlemen, step right up and take
your pick ] will do the, bed up for
yoa in a compact parcel, which may
be carried by child without the
slightest fatigue or annoyance. Who'll
have bed for only three dollars? ?
Why, anybody can start a boarding
house with three of McGilder's patent
beds, for recollect, they combine the
usefulness of three separate articles
of furniture-a bed, chair, and a
sofa"
The above was part of a harrangue
addressed by dapper, red-necktied
young fellow, who stood upon gaudi-
~ painted cart, to mob of about
500 idiots, of whom | was chief, for
will it be believed?-I, like a derned
fool, actually bought bed.
That morning my wife had told me
that her Aunt Hespah was coming to
visit u.s. and that, owing to the micro
scopic dimensions of our fiat, she
didn't know where Aunt Hespah could
sleep.
So / bought the bed amid the
plaudits of the crowd, and the strong
ly expressed wish from a red-shirted
laborer that / should lie down and
sleep on it then and there, in order
to show the spectators how the old
snap worked
The dealer proceeded to do it up.
He made very small parcel con-
sidering it was bed.
Put it in yer pocket" advised a
dirty-faced laborer, with shovel, and
/ and my bed walked off amid gen
eral smile, audibly expressed.
Where yer goin'?" asked the con.
ductor. Come now, young Teller, get
off with that ere piano-box. Dyer
think this is baggage train? Yer
can't ride in this car
In vain / pleaded.
He wouldn't have it.
Disguised, | waited for the next,
and endeavored to make the bed look
as small as possible.
The car stopped, so | got in.
OF course it started before | was
seated, so over fell, knocked off a
woman's bonnet, doubling up fat
man, and almost annihilating a small
boy with my bed.
AS for the bed there was a sound Of
rumbling in its complicated machin-
cry, and with a snap it flew open, dis
closing chair.
How in the world was | going to
get it into bed again?
Some of the passengers laughed
while the fat man grew sarcastic.
HIM" growled he; wonder what
people will carry in cars next! l sup
pose / can expect to get into one
! some day and find.a piano or NOW
ing machine. Some people haven't
any sense"
At last, though, reached my house
and got in, only breaking the gate
with my bed as did so.
My wife opened the door.
Where in the name of goodness die
you buy that horse block, and wha
are you going to do with it," she
asked.
l Indignantly replied that it wa:
not horse block.
1t was chair
Also it could be made into a bed
or sofa, at will.
After patient study and research
found the directions for working tht
bed concealed in most undiscovera
BILE spot, and turned the chair into
bed Then | turned the bed into /;
sofa, and the sofa back again into ;
chair.
My wife was delighted.
I began to believe | had made
domestic hit, and expatiated upon m,
great head in discovering and purchas
ing such marvel of mechanism an
general utility.
Aunt Hespah had arrived, and sh
joined us in examining the bed.
{ Lord mercy! what next, I wor
der?" she said Turn it into bee
. Edward"
] Edward did.
Aunt Hespah must lie down an
try it.
Just here came the catastrophe
] How it occurred I don't know, but TIL
fiendish bed got Independent an
q started to work itself into a chat
! without orders.
But Aunt Hespah was in the wa!
The result was she was caught lik
6 mouse, McGilder's beautiful invel
5 tion clasping her as affectionately a
a young fellow would his sweethear
Aunt Hespah gave yell lou
enough to stop a clock, and bega
J. Keeling about the room, with McGilt
q er's patent charging on her.
Take it off! Take it Off" bawle
she; its a-squeezin' me to dealt
{ Lord a mercy, I'll die if somebod
! don't take away this drafted mi
: chine!"
!. / sprang to her rescue.
But | could not get the bed off I'll
: aided.
h The result was we had to lay Aur
: Hespah upon the floor, and cut tn
A bed off with an AK. And by the tim
; it was accomplished she was abo,
a half-dead.
II My wife, however, will not speak
d me.
II She persisted in believing that I
liberately invented the bed myself fl
the sole purpose of killing Aunt He
psh, and that my tale of the purchas
3 was a barefaced fiction. ! tell yo
y what-men never know how muc
fun they can have till they get ma
ried.