The Washington herald., 1907-01-07
PESSIMIST PROPOUNDS
PERPLEXING PROBLEM

"New Years Eve? What does it all
mean? What Is il all about? Why this
furious attempt at levity?
The pessimist stood corner Fifteenth
street and N4w York avenue, a few
friends gathered round In a manner
that clearly indicated the approach Of a
reverie, he removed his left hand from
the side pocket Of his last years over
coat only TO raise il 20 his untrimmed
mustache which ne gave several caress-
ing strokes. Enter Revere Number Two.
Ny friends, can you tell me why it is
that the dear public-I refuse 10 mention
names-takes particular delight IN iadulg-
ing in mental gymnastics which in
variably end in a delusion? This is New
Years Eve. / should not have known It
il it had not been that 1 observed the
antics OF some few thousand lunatics who
saw nj to display an overflow OF alleged
faceti0usness by means of their silly
laughs. WhoOps, yells. and cat calls. sick
tin horns, and the like. Why, even the
motOrman saw tit 10 clang his bell 30
times To- the block.
What does it all mean, anyway? To me
1t signifies that l haze been unfortunate
enough to exist for another year. I'm
just one year older than ! was last New
Years Eve'-just one year closer 70 the
day when my family-pardon, my friends
VIII have the pleasure of paying for the
hackneyed six feet Of pine box / abso-
lutely refuse 10 open my veins Of JOY and
leak enthusiasm as do the numerous
idiots that have come under my obseTva-
ton tonight. By the way, has anybody
got a loose drink about him?'
Needless to say. the entire party, in
cNding The Washington Herald man. ad-
journed 20 the nearest JOY junk dis
pensary- In due course Of time the kind
faced man, all dressed in white. satisfied
each member OF the party save ''he who
grabbed the check"
With the aid Of a large towel. hung
with much fringe. surrounded by a red
border and attached 90 the bar, one mem
Der of the party succeeded in clearing the
front of his face for speech. He addressed
his remarks TO the pessimist, and at
tempted 10 excuse the noisy festivities aC-
cOmpanying the ceremony of seeing the
old year OUT ard the new year In. To sub
stantiate his statement he remarked that
the year just past had been unusually
prosperous. Even the farmers felt il. To
say the least he WaXed unusually warm
ia handing out this line of bunk"
Yes" said our anything but optimistic
friend, lit has been a fine year Not only
this country, but the whole world has
been more than fortunate. Nevertheless,
cannot help but remember an earth
quake at Valparaiso which killed many
thousand people, the same sort Of enter
tainment handed to Frisco, and while the
back drop had been repainted, almost the
same sensation was served 20 the people
In the vicinity Of Naples during the recent
stunts put over by Old Vesuyius. Putting
these minor matters aside, there fingers
IN my memory the small number Of some
fifty immigrants killed on the Baltimore
and Ohio Railroad out in Indiana, the
grewsomeness Of which was accentuated
by the fact that they were buried along
side the tracks. There is also the memory
Of a score or more who passed away in
the breaking of a bridge near Atlantic
City.
yes, I suppose I should be happy or
this night-New Years Eve-but somehow
can't forget the f0rty-four killed last
night a few miles outside of Washington
BY all means let's have another year Just
Ike 1906, but let's have il some time after
am dead"