The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-08-26

"Golly Moses" said the man with the hiccough, 'I've tangled up with all sorts of misery, but I mixed up with new species last night which anchored my brain in the harbor of distress all right.
 "I had been down the road piece and reached here long after the midnight hour All the places with swinging doors were closed and l had thirst on which was causing flames to spout from ny tongue. l grlpped myself together ana walking into a soda fount asked the jerker if he had "anything," but he re- piled that one glass of chocolate milk was the last wet thing he had except water. Of course. water was out of the question. but the chocolate milk was nearly as bad. Had l, the veteran of 1000 sprees, come down to this mollycod- dle nectar The flames had to be extin- gulshed, so down 1t went.
 Ugh! the horror of that dose. It made my nerves contract and my eyelds shut down tight I was getting so sleepy. l remember falling across the corner, then
 The time was o'clock in the after noon, and I was walking down Nineteenth 
 which had two pedal extremities, and which stood erect like human being. I stood stock still and gazed at them in open-mouthed amazement Finally caught my breath and yelled al a passer- by, asking him what these things were He had broken into trot by this time and called back to me. They're the Mol lycoddles. Look cut, or they'll get you"
 His words were sufficient to make me jump. Here were those horrible creatures of which l had heard so much. Everybody on the street had started running now and were fast dis appearing The mollycoddles were al- most upon me and with one wild de- spairing shriek l turned and ran. No. 1t wasn't running. I flew.
 "Over cobblestones, asphalt, brick and cement pavements l went. Square after square were passed in quick suc- cession. l tucked, lodged and ran every way but ] was fast locing out. The bunch was closing in on me and one long fellow almost touched me. An other block was covered then suddenly I tucked and started back ward. I gain ed little on them. but they soon made 1t up, and at the end of the next block the whole bunch bounced upon me.
 AS soon as they had touched me I found hey were weddings even if they were fine runners. and proceeded to knock them down. It was so easy but I didn't know everything. They began jerking hat pins out of their hats and started sticking them into me Everywhere I turned there stood grinning mollycoddle woth a hat pin pointed at me. l caught several of them. but the others punched me so violently that I stopped my resistance and sank to the ground
 As soon as l had caught my breath the tall fellow who had turned out, to be the leader, said Now, fellows. bring the poor dear boy along and the whole bunch began punching me with the hat pins again and drove me along. Down a long street and into q house they carried me. AS soon as we had en- tered the room the tall fellow spoke again. saying, get him ready quick. Time is flying and we must get back to the corner quick.
 Then that bunch took off every stitch of my clothing and began dressing me in the most fantastic farb 1 had ever seen. l protested, but 1t did no good. am ashamed to describe the suit of clothes they put on me, but the hat was the limit It was one of these great big green hats. distinctly made for lady. which looked like some one had sat down on it and mashed it fiat. On the side were long green feathers which curled In and out and swooped down in great