The Washington herald., 1907-03-25
THE PROFESSORS WAY
BY HENRY LEWIS.

Prof Sweetzer, naturalist for a certain
/ New England college. was a little man.
He was Tound-shouldered. He was awk-
ward on his legs. He wore goggles for
his weak eyes, ana he had arrived at the
/ age OF ffty-five without having loved. AS
between bugs. and beetles, and women,
the bugs and beetles were ahead. It was
only on rare occasions, and when under
1.-THE stress Of excitement, that he took the
slightest notice of the other sex Even
when he did sit up and take notice of
them he could not have recalled halt an
hour later what he said, or whether they
! had red hair or black
! On a certain day it came to the ears
| OF Prof. Sweetzer that a portion of the
/ vertebrae of a whale had been found on
/ a farm in Connecticut. He arrived on the
spot next day and verified The find On
| an occasion, thousands of years before
an old ball whale had decided to take
trip inland, and through some error of
/ judgment had left his bones in a gravel
/ pit. A piece Of his backbone six feet long
had been uncovered. The professor
wanted to excavate for the rest. Where
| there is six feet of whale you can take
/ it that there Is more. He engaged board
/ at the Widow Webb's and hired d man
to WELD the pick and shovel, and thus
went to work.
! The Widow Webb was fat and forty
and childless. She was worth a stony
farm and S600 in cash. A still older sister
| lived with her, and the farm work was
done by a hired man with the good, old
fashioned name Of Hiram Stebbins. Hiram
was thirty-five and drank nothing
stronger than cider. but he thought
deeply. One Of them was that If he mar
/ ried the widow he would become the
/ Ipossess0r of the farm and $500. He had
/ cen thinking OF this and taking the farm
-CTk easy when Prof. Sweetzer put In
aa appearance Hiram looked at him
I and grinned If any one had told him
I that within a week he would be jealous
of that little, dried-up, ana hump-backed
specimen Of humanity he would have
roaTed with laughter.
/ As soon as the professor had inspected
the bone and become enthusiastic, he
was a changed man. He became a fluent
/ talker. He became fatherly toward the
widow He called her my child" and
often took her hand and held It while he
tried 10 make her understand that
I whale was a cachalot, and that cachalot
could stand on his tail In the water as
Ten as on his head.
When Hiram witnessed the hand-noid-
ing act he quit grinning. He was mad
all that day as he hoed corn. He was
mad when he came up to supper. He
was mad when one OF the cows kicked
him at milking time. While the pro-
| fessor took a ramble in search Of beetles,
Hiram carried the milk into the kitchen
and began:
''Widder Webb. how does it feel to
have a baboOn holding your hand?
Hiram, what do you meang was de-
manded.
! I mean that have seen you and that
/ little runt Of man squeezing hands a
dozen times. and neither OF you seems
/ to care who stands by. Fell in love
mighty quick, didn't you?"
Look here, Mr.. Stebbins. you have no
right TO talk TO me this way. You know
who the professor is. He's a great man.
] He has taught me more about whales in
/ the last three days than l knew in all
my life before. He also knows all about
birds ana bugs and bees. It's twice as
/ interesting to hear him talk as il is 10
/ hear a sermon"
Has d feiler got to squeeze your hand
to talk to you about whales?" asked
Hiram.
He hasn't squeezed it. That's simply
/ his way. He is a fatherly man. When
I
er he has got hold of my hand or the
! leg Of a chair. You ought TO be ashamed
OF yourself to talk as you do. I always
thought there was a mean and jealous
/ streak in you, and now it's come out"
/ "Oh, It has, eh?" muttered Hiram.
/ Perhaps If I went around looking for
! the bones Of an old whale, I'd be all
right"
u guess It would be better than grunt-
I ff,4-- W.. g. a-.T
/ folks. but I do. I was born that way.
/ If I was to ask you about whales, you
couldn't tell me anything.
But the professor could2"
Yes, sir; he could Hiram Stehbins
DO you know that the Latin name of
whale is physeter macrocephalus? Do
you know that We get spermaceti and
ambergris from its body? Do you know
that he sometimes reaches the length Of
seventy or eighty feet? You stand there
with a mean look on your face. and vet
/ let me tell you that the sperm whale can
swallow man at a gulp. There are no
teeth in the upper jaw, but the lower
one has from twenty-five to thirty on
each side, The eyes are small and placed
far back In the head"
"Well2" grunted the hired man.
We'll. the cachalot feeds on fishes and
cephalopodous mollusks. You probably
thought be fed upon turnipS. The whale
! is gregarious. Five hundred or more
have been seen in a single herd. Terrible
conflicts often take place among the
males. and it is not unusual to ind the
lower jaws def0rmed. The left eye Is
said to be smaller than the right. and
the whale cannot see behind him.
"Au from the professor sneered /
Hiram as he bowed and walked out to
fasten the hencoop for the night
When the professor wasn't assisting his
man to dig for bones he was hunting bugs
and bees and butterflies. To his great
joy he discovered a seven-spot humble
bee. As ali Of us know, the bumbiebee Is |
OF dark color with yellow spots on his
back. There are often from I'VE to six
spots, and only rarely a seven~spotter.
This bee. along with a dozen others, |
vas placed IN a pasteboard box. and when
the house was reached the box was de-
posted on a window sill OF the veranda. |
The professor had told the widow all |