The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1907-07-28

goes on Smoke-'em-out Smithers. told
the ladies that the notorious visitors had
been detained on the road by some un.
avoidable circumstances that made a noise
like an ice Jam and an heircss, but they
would arrive a day or two later When
they find out that they've been deceived
says Smoke-'em-out. every yard OF cross
barred muslin and natural waved switch in
| the house will pack up and leave. It's a
hard DEAL say old Smoke-'em-out.
Friend says Andy. touching the
old man on the ~esophogus. why this
jeremiad when the polar regions and the
portals Of Blenheim are c~onspiring to hand
you prosperity on a hall-marked silver
salver?J We have arrived
"A light breaks out on Smoke-'em-out's
face.
Cam ye do IL. gents2' he asks. 'Could
We do IL? Could We play the polar man and
the little duke for the nice ladies? viii ye
do it?'
Il see that Andy is superimposed with
his old hsnkoring for the oral and polyglot
system of buncoing. That man had a
vocabulary of about 10000 WORD and
which srrayed themselves into
contraband sophistries and parallels when
they came out.
Listen says. Andy TO old Smoke-'em-
OUT. Can we do il? You behold before
you. Mr.. Smithers. two Of the finest equipped
men on earth for inve igling the proletsriat,
whether by word of mouth. sleight OF hand
or swiftness Of foot. Dukes come and
60 explorers go and get lost, but me and
jeff Peters, says Andy, go after the come
ons brewer. II you say 50. we're the two
illustrious guests you were erecting.
And you'll find. says Andy, that we'll give
Won the true local color Of the title roles
from the aurora borealis to the ducal port
cullis.'
"Old Smoke-'em-out is delighted. He
takes. me and Andy up q the inn by an
arm apiece. telling us IN the way that the
finest fruits of the can and Injuries of the
fast freights should be ours without price
az long as we would stay.
"On the porch Smoke-'em-out says:
Ladies', I have the honor 10 introduce His
G~racefulness the Duke OF Marlborough and
the famous inventor OF the North Pole,
Lieut.. Peary.'
THE skirts all hutter and the rocking
chairs squeak as me and Andy bows and
then goes on in with old Smoke-'em-out to
regisasr. And then we washed up and
turned our cuffs. and the landlord took
| us to tbe rooms he'd been saving for us and
got out n demijohn Of North Carolina real
! mountain dew.
Il expected trouble when Andy began to
drink. He has the artistic metempsychosis
which is half drunk when sober and looks
down on sirships when stimulated.
After lingering with the demijohn me
and Andy goes out on the porch. where the
ladies' are to begin to earn our keep. We
sit in two special chairs and then the school
ma'ams and literaterrors hunched their
rockers close around us.
"One lady says TO me: How did that last
venture of yours turn out, sir|
Now, I'd clean forgot to have an under
standing with Andy which ] was to he. the
duke OF the Lieutenant. And ] couldn't tell
from her question whether she was referring
10 Arctic or matrimonial expeditions. So
7 gave an answer that would cover both
cases.
Well, ma'am.' says I. it was a freeze
outright smart OF a freeze out, ms'am.'
-And then the food gates OF Andy's
perorations was opened and ! knew which
one Of the renowned ostensible guests I was
supposed to be. wasn't either. Andy was
both. And still turtle rmore IT. seemed that
he was trying to be the mouthpiece Of the
enIlIc bT1Uibu nOpiIlJy auu ~ hINtlC n
! ploration from Sir John Franklin down. Il
was the union OF corn whiskey and the
conscientious fctional form that Mr.. W. d.
Howletts admires so much.
Ladies' says Andy. smiling semicircu-
larly. L am truly glad to visit America.
/ do not consider the magma charta,' says
he, or gas balloons or snowshoes in any
way a detriment to the beauty and charm
r 1890 -o-~sn nm akunlra rANS m
the architecture OF you icebergs. The
next time says Andy. that I go after the
North Pole all the vanderbilts in Green
land won't be able to turn me out in the
cold-I mean make IL hot for me-
Tell us about one OF your trips, Lieu
tenant says one of the normals.
Sure says Andy, getting the decision
! over a hiccup. 1t was in the spring Of last
year that I sailed the Castle OF Blenheim
| up TO latitude 81 degrees Fahrenheit and
beat the record. ladies' says Andy, IL
was a sad sight to see a Duke allied by a
civil and liturgical chattel mortgage to
one OF your first families lost in a region Of
semi-annual days And then he goes on,
at four bells we sighted Westminster
/ Abbey, hut there was not a drop to eat.
At noon we threw out five ~sandbags, and
the ship rose fifteen knots higher. At mid
night continues Andy, the restaurants
closed. Sitting on a cake Of ice we ate
seven dogs. All around us was snow and
ice. Six times a night the boatswain rose
up and tore a leaf on the calendar 80 We
could keep time with the barometer. At
II, says Andy, with q lot Of anguish in his
face, three huge polar bear sprang down
the hatchway, into the cabin. Then
What then. Li~eutenantT' say . school
ma'am. excitedly.
ANDY gives q loud sob.
The Duchess shook me- he cries out,
and slides out Of the chair and weeps on the
porch.
well, Of course, that fixed the scheme.
The women boarderr all left tho next morn
ing. The landlord wouldn't speak TO us
for two days, hut when he found we had
money to pay our way he loosened up.
$50 me and Andy had a quiet, restful
summer after all, coming away from Crow
Knob with 81 100. that We entioed out Of old
Smoke-'em-out playing seven up"