The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1907-02-06

for pork. De butcher already had him
by de hind laig and de water was ready
to scald de bristles Off Of him when he
awoke in a cold sweat 1t was jest
midnight and at de same mint an owl
hooted and dawg howled. Brudder
Bebee started for my house on dead
run to ask me to explain. In five min.
utes I hggered it out dat he had sun
thin comm to him, and, 10, only three
days had passed when one Of his chill
Zen sot de house afire wild q match
and it was burned to de ground. Brud-
der Bebee had about a hundred dollars
wuth Of furniture. It was insured for
four hundred and fifty, as might have
been expected from sich prudent man
as him. He got ebery dollar Of it from
de insurance company, and dat's de
reason his family am now wearin' dia-
mond pins and Ibin on de fat O. de
land.
GAS TO SIGNS.
"As to signs" continued the prest-
dent, amid most profound stiffness,
you have 'em yere in plenty and you
should commit each and ebery one to-
memory.
IF you see black cat chasln' g.
white dawg along de road and dey pass
a cock eyed man as dey go, dat is a
sign of hard winter to come. Look
around you and locate de nearest wood
pile or coal yard.
IF yaller dawg howls at midnight
under your winder and won't go away
after you have pelted him wild sticks
of wood, but keeps right at it until you
go out and threaten to hit him wild de
whole front fence, make up your mind
dat calamity am at hand. You may
be arrested befo' you get home wild de
next chicken or watermilyon or one Of
de chilln am gwine to fall down de
well or off de roof.
IF the sun comes up in de mawnin'
like ball Of fire and de wind am
from de west and humpbacked man
passes your cabin wild bunch Of cat
nip under his arm don't leave de house
dat day. 1t am sign of mad dogs.
Sit on de doah steps, wild pile Of
bTickbats beside you, and be prepared
to die game.
'"If you sit down in canary colored
street kyar wild red dashboard and
find yourself between clubfooted wo-
man and a knock kneed man git right
out as soon as possible and befo' de
conductor has taken up your fare. To
remain dar am to get hoodoo on you.
If you am saunterin' out some even
In and by accident approach field in
which dar am watermilyon patch
squat down by de fence and wait for
a sign. If whippoorwill breaks into
song near by it's all right and de big
gest melon in dat patch am yours. If
instead a cricket gives seven loud
chirps don't you git ober dat fence. If
you do de owner will fire a charge Of
salt into you and let his bulldog make
q meal off n your laigs.
'AIf you hear tickin' in de wall
while you am lyin' in bed don't be two
seconds gittin' out O. dat. If you con-
timer to lay dar and de ticker continers
to tick You will be invitin' stroke Of
paralysis.
"If you am standin' at your gate and
a red headed white man comes along
and offers you half a dollar to drive
black COW to sartin place turn away
from him in scorn. Dat COW will kick
q fat woman and git you into a law
suit, and de white man will beat you
outer de price.
If you am sittin' on de fence in de
AFTERNOON and wishin' you was rich
and three crows fly ober you and you
hear a horse whinny at de same time
20 right off and buy ticket in lot
terry. You am shore to hit de capital
prize and have money to burn for eber
after.
Oats all, my friends--all until you
cit de book. We will now break de
meetin' in two, and you can gather
round me and pass up your money. #
you will persist in believin' in dreams
and signs, take mine and no other.
Dey am jest as good as anybody's, and
nv old woman needs de money to buy
new goose feathers for de beds and