davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
Avoiding tie Danger.

The duel. said Senator Timan at 81
dinner i'm Washington. is q thing | alb
hor. | believe, Thoughts IN man,ines~ ans!
pluck. and l hol> the time will icy sr
come when conversation such as was
recently overheard in n New York club
will be typical of American chiyalry.
a New York ciubnian approached Il
friend aud whispered anXiously:
Bludd threatens to kick me the next
time he sees me in company. If he
should come in here now what would yon
advise me 80 do:
Sit dawn, was the repiy.-MjaAv-
nnnl.S Innrnal.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
knowledge Acquired.

Farmer Korntop--Ain't We goiu' to send
yer boy to college?
Farmer Ricll-No; faint necessary
now.
Farmer korntop--But We sed We WIZ
goin' ter put him through college.
Farmer Rich-YeS but he's learned to
smoke cigarettes without it.--Catholic
Standard and ines.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
Study in Philologv

Charley. dear" said young Mrs Tor
knS why do they call racing calcutta
lions dope? | thought that was II slang
name for drug"
You're quite right was the answer
They call it that because all il generally
gets you is ii pleasant dream and IL rude
awakening w Washington Star
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
For Fashions Sake.

She-To satisfy ne you must make my
shocS-
Shoemaker Very large inside and very
small outside = Meggendorfer Blactrer.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
Feminine Reasoning.

Husband (as they arrive ut the station
minute too late)-If you hadn't taken
so much time with your toilet, we would
nj have been too late.
Wife--And if you hadn't made me run.
we wouldn't have to wait 50 oug for the
next -Meggendorfer Blaetter.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
His Reason.

so you are in favor of government
ownership"
"Emphatically," answered the discon-
tented citizen.
ject thoroughy*'
NO, can't say have. But | fancy
il is something the railways wouldn't
likc-W Washington Star.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
Bread and Cheese and

Bread aud cheese and kisses
And every meal Song'
The diet spurn.
Such kiSsess turn
To onions cXtry strong,
New York Evening sun.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
In Silent CONTEMPT.

I'm sorry said the justice. bur
there's no evidence against you. and I'll
have to turn you loose. with just fine
for contempt of court
But haven't said word.'
y know it, my friend; but I'll be
hlcst if You didn't look it.''-Atlanta
Constitution
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31

The Professor! There's n
thief in the dining room,
The Astronomer deep IN n calculdtio!ip
Fell him I'm TOO busy To see him.
II Motto per Ridere.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31

~rar<e kisses You sold me yesterday
are hard and stale" growled Il customer
~ the candy counter. Il Thought you
claimed tu keep only fresh candies.
s,lpSlady. Those must have come from
m old batch. - Iippincotts.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
Iceland Wonders

People who live in vast and barren
landS have the hest eyesight. ESkimos
Will detect white FOX on the snow AT "A
great distance, while Arabs can nick out
objects ON the desert that are invisible 10
others.-Springheld Republican.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
Simple Enough.

THE Teddy hasn't the money now,
said Della, but We kin lave the ice an
shc'll pay ye on Saturday
But" protested the new iccman.
''Sposin' she amt got the money then =
well. il she lint We kin ttke yer ice
hnck Philadclphia Press.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
Noah's Leisure Hours.

Nov. how do You suppose Moab spent
the time in the ark during the food =
the Sunday school teacher asked.
"Prayin'," suggested Willie.
"Fishin',' ventured Dick.
"llunIph" erunted Willie contcmptu-
ousIy. "'Twould he fine hShin' wild only
two worms. wouldn't London Tat
Ter.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
Clever.

Hang it, 'ooge. Here comes
Blank with .esomr wife of his
Ia give worlds to escape meeting them.
Quick, then il, here, said Mrs
Scrooge
And the intelligent woman dragged her
husband into Il shop where large as
sortment Of the custlieSt summer gowns
had just been put ON sale,
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
The EXPLANATION.

That fellow" said Tetr lie Nrau. is
always getting off the old Joke about the
difficulty Of finding Il womau'S pocket"
But. you know" L'Oignon explained.
smiling. he married Il rich wife
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
An Intelligent Servant.

The Mistress Who hung the Their
moneter To the ceiling?
The Scrvant-~l na'am. You were
complaining because it was SO low!--ll
Motto per Riderc.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
Complicated Love Making.

What. The Spaniard made violent
love to youE Why, he does not know It
word of EngliSh"'
oh, hut he knelt before me, dictionary
in hand. -~Fliegcude Blacttey
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
Not Equipped.

I'm just crazy to be Il reporter" said
the rich mans daughter
Insanity is no qualification, returned
the editor, closing the interyiew.Phila-
delphia Ledger.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
Misunderstood.

Suitor Ito the only daughter of II very
wealthy widowl-Dear Gerte. will you he
mine!
Gertc-Oh. lido not Know. Pray
speak 30 mother tirst.
But unfortunately she has refused
me,"- L1Iiegnnde RlnetteF
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
Thee Fingers.

II understand the colonel ha sued
the railroad for damages
Yes. sub; he lost three fingers in the
collision"
From his right eF-lef, handF'
Prom his hip pocket, subj the COLI
sion th'owed him against a seat and
broke his bottle. - Honston Post.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
In Modern DAYS.

Say, Hugo, don't YOU geD punished at
home. WHEN You're naughty"
Nope. Papa aud mamma are both
lawyers. and they can't agree on the
punishment" Flicgende Bhe;ter
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
Well, / Guess!

There was II young maid Of Kentucky
Who thought that IL was unlucky,
But she married guy
Who possessed--me oh. my
Thirteen millions, Now wasn't she piucky
Town Topics.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31

Reginald" said the head Of the fami-
~. Il have told YOU again and again
that you are not to pull the eats tail.
Again and again" Reginald eyed him
sadly You are getting very obstinate.
father lie said reproyingly. London
Globe
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
The Windows Of Her SOM.

The windows of her soul
My Dolly's eyes may be;
Then rapture aud roses whenever she closes
one of her shutters mt me
New York Evening sun.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
True Freedom.

Il thought you were married, and vet
you're sewing OH your own buttons!
II am married. but | keep my indie.
pendrnce, let me tell you!"-Mcggendor-
fer Blactter.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
Intelligent.

Let us sec, Private Girelini. if you
have quite understood what are the four
points of the compass. Now the east is
in front of you, at your left the north.
nj your right the south. what il behind
youf'
My knapsack. captain. II Motto per
Rdcrc.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31

In the last decade or since October
1896. the plasu in India has >uuned
ont 100000 lives. This is probably As
many people as have been sacrificed III
battle since the Napoleonie wars.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
Beware.

The man who drinks TO beat the Dutch
And guZZles wine and stuff,
First thinks enough is not too much
Then calls too much enough.
Philadelphia Press.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
Fifteen Dollars in Her Inside Pocket

Madge-What did Molly mean 10y say
ing that joining the Audubon society was
a good business propositions
Marjorie-The dues are only five dol
lars, while a hat with feathers on il
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
Lust the Man

I'VE want a man for our inquiry of
flee" said the manager. hut he must
he able to answer ali sorts Of questions
and not get irritated.'
That's all right. sir" replied the APP
plicant I'm the father of eight chill
dren. Pr Philadelphia Inquirer
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
Why They Strike.

Rhinc tourist ito German mnkccpcr
who is filing bottles from barrell--
What kind of wine is that. laudlordg
Landlord-"Ne dot depends on vot
labels / put ON de bottles aind it?
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
Just Like Him.

Roberts-poor Williams died and left
wife and three children.
Jones-Thats nothing. He was too
mean to take them anywhere when he
was living Life.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
That Kind.

Hotel Manager--Have thy Bankers
found fault again today?
Hotel C'lerk-les, sir. They complain
as much MS if they were getting their
board llarper's Weekly
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
In 1920

Stern Mother-So you wish to marry
my son, DO you:
Young Noman-Nes. ma am.
Stern Mother-Are you able to support
linn in that condition of idleue>S Ia which
he has always been acrustomcds- Pick
Me-Up.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
Apropos of Nothinp

Your wife used to like to sing and
she played the piano Il lot. Now we
don't hear her at all. How'S that
She hasn't the time We have two
Children
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
Head and Feet.

Miss Gidday,' remarked Mr. Walz.
is splendid dancer; so light on her
feet"
Think soF' said Mr.. Crouch
oh, yes: light i'll the extreme
Huh. unfortunately she's just as
light in the other extreme. -Philadel-
phia Press.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
A p-iyilege Of GREATNESS.

He was the manager Of 4 large firm.
and had the reputation among his clerks
Of being q 'terror"-hy which they
meant a hot-tempered individual with a
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
Indulgence.

"SucIr an indulgcnt husband my Jim
Is"
Yes: so I've heard. INDUCES a little
too ultich sometimes, doesn't he%"
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
A Water Garden.

First Suburbanite -Raising anything
on your place this year?
Second standardization lilies in my
cellar Life.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
X Humorous Items.

Il tell you. young man, we want brains
m this business"
Il know you do: your management
shows il. Baltimore American.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
Literally.

Does she take in boarders?"
Il should say she does. Gets 50 a
week ont Of EN- cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
AGE.

Snow and stars the same as~eyer
I'm the days when ! was young;
But their silver song, all, never,
Never now is sung
IL.
Cold the stars are. cold the earth Is,
Everything Is grim and cold,
Strange and drear the sound of mirtb,
Life and I are old
William Winter, in the Fiction Number
tAugusD Scribner
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1907-08-31
AN Ohstinate Parent

costs at least twenty dollars. Harper
Weekly.
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1907-09-20

by Gosh. but Uncle Hezekiah IS
down on them Washington officials" ="
said the old farmer with the big
scythe
What Is the trouble?" inquired the
windmill repairer.
why. ycou see. the Washington
folks sent out a circular saying that
akeeters could be killed with koro-
scne."
What happened them?
Most everything happened. strang
or: most everything Ycou sec. Uncle
Hezckiah tried the experiment He
hunted around half the morning and
broke his suspcnders before he could
kotch "a live skeeter Then when he
iid kctch one he took him out in the
yard and duckcd his head down In a
big can of kerosene. While Uncle
Hezekiah was bending over the sun
reflected through the corner OF his
spectacles and set fire 20 the OIL Be
fore Uncle Hezekiah could get away
il burned half his whisSers and ex-
ploded his celluioid collar And.
worst OF All. Uncle Hezekiah isn't sure
whether the 'skeeter was killed Or
not"
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1907-09-20
Drowned Tn Delaware river.

PHILADELPHIA. Sept II. 90 Miss
Ada Smith, aged nineteen years, and
George Denver. aged twenty-threc
years. Of westyille. y. J.. were drown
cd aud Mrs Ray Springer and her two
small children OF Billlngsport y. J,
narrowly escaped drowning I'm the Del
aware river Of that place by the over
turning Of a small boat In which they
we're rowing. When In midsueam
the heavily laden craft was struck BY
a swell and capsized. Mrs Springer
seized one Of the children and clung to
the overturned boat The other child
held 10 the mothers dress, and thus
the trio kept above water Denver dis
appenrcd when the boat capslzed, ana
his body has not been recovered. a
rcscuing party found the body Of Miss
Smith under the overturned boat
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1907-09-20
CASSIE CHADWICK BLIND.
Wrecker of OberIin National bank
Stricken In Prison.

COLUMBUS. c., Sept 17-Whlle en-
gagged ln c0nyorsatioo with her son In
the Ohio penitentlary, where she has
been confined for two years. serving a
ten yaars' sentence foT wrechng the
Oberlin National bank. Mrs Cassie
Chadwick, former exponent OF high
finance. who represented herself as the
daughter Of Andrew Carnegie and vic
tlmized dozens OF Ohio and eastern
bankers and capitalists 10 the extent
of millions through loans on bogus Sc
curities and jewelry, suffered a nerv-
Gus collapse that almost cost her life
and left her temporarily stone blind.
She was carried 70 the hospital In
the female department by her son and
female attendants, and Or Garrett
the day physician, was Immediately
summoned.
Wild with anxiety. her son, who had
come down from Cleveland 70 visit her
stood over the bed urging the physi-
clan 70 DO his best 10 save her. I'm
der the strong restoretivcs Mrs. Chad
wick was revived within twenty min
utcs, but was very weak and sightless
DR.. Helmick Is OF the opinion that
the blindness Is only temporary but
has called I'm Oculists.
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1907-09-20
WELLMAN FEARLESS
Chicago Polar Expedition to
Go North In 1908.
AIRSHIP SAILS IN SSOgSIORN.
Commander on Trial Trip Gave
order TO start For the North
Pole, but Gale Wrecked
UuIIoun.

TROMSO, Sept. II. Walter Well
man sailed for Germany today. whence
he will 20 to France and begin prep
aratlons for another attempt 70 reach
the pole In 1908.
Wellman, commander OF the Well
man Chicago Record Herald polar ex
peditlon. interviewed here, said:
"ln our trial trip after the steamer
Express east of the cable holding our
airship the America aid excellenuy.
but an increasing wind soon gave MS
hard struggle. and the storm drove
us toward some high. Jagged noun
tains near the coast, whore the airshin
would have been destroyed if she
struck There then ensued a hard
fight between the storm and the mo
tor. The latter triumphed. and we
slowly rounded the north end Of Foul
lsland In the teeth Of the wind. Our
confidence IN the America had so In
creased In the meanwhile that l gave
orders 10 start for The north pole
Tho wind, however, increased 10
twelve miles an hour. and the snow
fell so thickly that wo could not see a
quarter Of O mile. Just then the com
pass failed TO act owing 70 defective
construction. We were completely
lost in q snowstorm above the polar
sea and threatened with destruction
After a brief deliberation we decided
10 try and get back 20 the Express 70
rectify our compass aud start again
II was impossible, however, TO keep
IN one direction. and we were again
carried into dangerous proximity OF
the mountains. Vanlmon. the engineer.
then made the motor run at top speed.
and the America moved a second time
against the wind, which probably was
blowing fifteen miles an hour She
clrcled three times In tho teeth Of the
wind We saw the Express for mo
ment. but Immediately lost her again.
We could have returned 10 the ok
press If we could have seen where 10
steer, but under the circumstances the
only thing possible was 10 try 10 land
With this idea we stopped the motor
and lot the America drift over the
glacier. At the end Of Foul bay we
used trailer filed with provisions
and a brake rope Both acted well
and dragged over an ice wall a hun
drcd feet high without damaging the
provisions.
After crossing the glacier we open
ed the valve and landed on the upper
glacier half a mile nshore The land.
lng was effected so successfully that
material weighing nine tons descended
300 feet and touched the Ice. with no
shock or damage whatever. excepting
several bent tubes and broken wires
Later IN the same day the Express
found us and fetched the steamer
Frlthiof. with men and sledges. from
the camp. The crow Of the America
lived for three days comfortably ln the
gondola while the work Of rcscuing the
balloon was IN progress They could
have lived there for nine months had
Il been necessary.
After this successful trip we are an
convinced that the America In normal
summer weather can make her way 70
the pole We all regard this plan as
rational. practicable and feasible. The
thing can be done. and what can be
done shall be done"
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1907-09-20
noc,or.. ch,ln Klnea by Auto.

SPRINGFIELD. Mass, Sept. H.
Pauline II. Reardon, aged six and
hnlf years. the daughter OF Or Thorn
as I. Reardon, was struck and almost
instantly Killed. IN front Of her home
by an automobile owned by DR.
Charles 7. Hooker and driven by Er-
nest f. Southland. chauffeur Dr
Hooker. without knowing who the
child was, carried her into Or. Roar
don's house. The latter physicians
first knowledge OF the accident was the
siaht OF his child lying on his operat-
ina table. The little one died soon
after. southard was arrested on O
charge Of manslaughter
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1907-09-20

CASABLANCA, Sept. l7.-With the
submission OF all the tribes, which
now seems practically assured, Il
would appear that tho mission which
took General Drude into Morocco has
been fully accomplished. Persons ac-
quninted with the country declare
that the movement on the part Of the
trlbesmon is over. They are essen
TALLY agriculturists. and they are IN
hurry 20 return TO their fields for the
first rains. II f. understood that when
absolute calm Is re-established here
the troops now Quartered in and about
Casablanca VIII Dee distributed 70 eight
scnports 20 inaugurate police systems
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1907-09-20
FARMvILLE, VA. FRIDAY, SEPIEMB 20, 1907
TOO ILL FOR COURT.
II. II. Rogers Excused From Witness
stand nt Boston.


BOSTON, Sept. l7-There was con.
siderable conflicting testimony IN the
Massachusetts supreme court as 10 the
physical condition Of Henry H. Rogers
Of the Standard oil company when
counsel for G. NJ Raymond Of Somcr-
Vile. who Is suing Mr.. Rogers for 500
10000 for certain petroleum royalties,
sought T. prove that Mr.. Rogers was
able 20 appear In court IN spite Of the
objections Of the counsel for the well
known defendant.
The hearing was on motion by Mr..
Raymond's counsel 70 have the case,
which was postponed last week 10 the
April term Of the court replaced on
the present trial list. Mr.. Rogers
counsel last week told the court that
they bad not been able 70 prepare the
case owing TO the Illness Of their client,
and Il New Bedford physician testified
at that time that Mr Rogers was too
III TO attend the trial Judge Ham
mond then postponed the case, but he
agreed 20 hear testimony regarding
Mr. Rogers condition
Mr.. Rogers IS upward Of seventy
years OF age and since July has taken
no active part In business due 70 the
run down condition OF his system. His
stomach has troubled him somewhat
during the summer. and at times be-
has appeared 10 be slightly nervous.
Upon the evidence OF members OF the
family MIR. Rogers and the family ply
stefan that the Standard Oh magnate
suffered some sort Of stroke last July
and has since been upable 10 transact
any business Judge Hammond an
nounced that II would be cruel TO com
pei his attendance In court and dis
missed u motion to that effect
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1907-09-20

II real coffee disturbs your stomach
your Heart or Kidneys, then Try this
clever Coffee imitati0n-Dr. Shoop :
Health Coffee. DR.. ShOop has closely
matched old Java and Mocha Coiiee
i'm ia, or and taste. yet 1t has not a
single grain Of real Coffee In H. Dr'
Shoop's Health Coffee Imitation is
made from pure toasted grains OF
cereals. with Malt, Nuts, etc. Made
i'm one minute. No tedious long wall
You will surely like il. Get free
sample at our store. Chas. Bugg @
son.
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1907-09-20
Sudden Attack Of Dysentery Cured

A prominent lady Of Brooklyn, y.
Y. writes TO inquire where she can OBJ
tain Chamberlain IS Cole, Cholera and
Diarrhoea Remedy She says "While
stopping at ranch In south Dakota
/ was taken IN Of what seemed to be
cholera. They gave me some OF this
medicine and IL cured me. | brought
a bottle home aud have just used the
last oft today. Mother was taken
suddenly in Of dysentery ry and 1t help
ed her Immediately. For sale by
Winston Drug Co.
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1907-09-20

HALIFAX. ~ - Sept. l7.-Justice
Iongley OF the supreme court Of Nova
Scotia last night delivered a decision
in favor Of the plaintiff In the action
brought by the Dominion Iron and
steel company against the Dominion
Coal company for the recovery Of Sl5.'
OOO. 900 damages foF breach Of contract
In not supplying coal suitable for met
allurgicnl purposes.
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1907-09-20

OTTAWA, Sept IN lshli the
special envoy Of Japan. arrived here
today. and the whole subject Of Japa
nese immigration is being discussed
between the premier and himself The
policy of the Dominion is 20 reduce ori-
entail immigration 10 the minimum,
and Japan is willing 20 agree 10 ibis.
The damnge which has been caused by
the rioters will be paid by the Domin-
ion. Vancouver will afterword be
charged with the amounts by the OF
tawa authorities.