The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-12-29
THIS GIRL WRITES SPEECHES ID ORDER Woman Finds It a Profitable
 Occupation GRADUATION ADDRESSES She claims To Number Amonq Her Customers One After Dinner
 Speaker of High Renown
 in New York.
GRADUATION ADDRESSES
From the Washington Post.


 speech Is for feast or a funeral, I
 am ready to write it and I guarantee satisfaction" The speaker was a young
 woman who occupies an apartment in studio building only a few doors from Fifth avenue. My charges are
 from $10 to $100 for a speech, and from
 $5 to s25 for teaching how it should be delivered.
 This Is my busy season, for every body who has any ambition to be
 known as a speaker has something to say at Christmas festivities If you
 will let me. glance over my books for
 moment I can tell you just what l have on hand. In the way of Christ mas greetings, at Christmas trees and
 such occasions 1 have already delivered and yet to be called for thirty seven speeches. Of this number only four
 are to be taught. l mean only four of the thirty-seven persons who are to
 deliver them have come to me to learn how to speak their speeches. Six of them are old pupils and would have taken lessons had l thought 1t neces- sary. Twenty are new customers. There are just 102 names on my books for toasts and replies to toasts lc De uellNtIeu WllulH IHe HtXI IWO
 months. Most of them refer to Christ
 mas, but others are for Wash ingtons birthday, Lincoln's birthday, Lees birthday, and some few for St. Val
 entnes As to toasts on 'women,' our wives" or "our sweeth carts l keep | supply on hand. l write them wh en-
 ever l have a moment to spare, know ing, only too well, they will be taken off my hands almost any day. Most of the women customers want patriotic speeches or cleverly worded toasts. Sometimes it is a reply to The Ladies' but not as often as one might expect. As a rule think that women who attend mems dinners are quite willing to allow the men to do the | talking. I have had some amusing in cdents connected with my women GUS toners, but nothing like the sidesplit- ting affairs with the men.
 There Is a certain man In this town with something of reputation as an afterdinner speaker, a humorist, who comes to me for every word he utters | in public. He was among my first cus- toner's A few weeks after l opened my office, when I was doing all the business alone, that man appeared one morning and stated his wants and said he could only give me two days to write the speech. He was such an awkward, ungainly sort of man that l hadn't the slightest suspicion Of his position. He didn't say where the | speech was to be delivered only gave l me the subject, said that he want4i something very good and was quite willing to pay for 1t.
 "IIe was on hand promptly to get | the speech and as promptly turned in | the other half of my fee for writing it. l Then he asked if l would object to 1 reading it over to him. As this was to l be his maiden effort he wanted to hear | just how it would sound to his listen 1 CTS. As there was no lack of self-con- l fidence I suggested that he do the read 1 ing and let me make corrections if any were necessary. Such reading I | never heard and never expect to hear
 again. He emphasized every and the | and but in the paper to such an ex- l tent that the other words had no eX-
 istence It was the funniest effort | at reading I had ever heard. l have
 considerable self control but not | enough to have taken me through that mans performance When l began to
 smile I simply couldn't stop; the laugh
 had to come out. When finally l could l control myself sufficiently to explain
 the man wasn't the slightest bit of | tended.
 That is all right" he replied. "It
 shall go that way. I want the fellows
 to laugh. Don't matter If the speech
 is intended to be serious l hate se- rious dinner. I'll give the fellows some | thing to laugh att
 He gave them something to laugh
 at. for the next morning the papers l told of his speech. They all agreed
 that it wasn't what he said. but the way | he said it. Oh, he's a famous after | dinner speaker now My other GUS
 toners don't know it, of course, but he
 gets the refusal of all my work. | speeches and toasts. He is able and 1 willing to pay. It is a matter of bus
 mess with me. The last time I saw | him was on the street. He was much
 disturbed. He said his toast the night 1 before hadn't been successful as usual. He was sure 1t wasn't the tault l of the toast, but of the delivery, De- l cause he was learning to read and re- l cite like other men. He wanted to know if l couldn't give him lessons
 teaching how he used to do. That was
 impossible, and I told him so. No civ l ilized human being except himselt had ever read as he had done.
 l "Women, as a rule don't care much
 about their delivery. They say, and l ex- pect they are quite right, that the 1 members of their clubs never listen to 1 the speeches and papers read at their
 meetings They either sit and whisper l or they think about outside affairs. 1 They do the thing for the sake Of the 1 reputation 1t gives them and to see | their names in the papers or the re- I ports of the meetings. If one of my | speeches is printed in a magazine, a
 paper or an annual, l require an extra l payment.
 l "Women never bject to this. They | seem quite satisfied with the reputa : tion of having produced something l worth printing. Men are not so easily | satisfied They think one payment ought | to suffice unless they get some money returns for the printed article. Even | then they will haggle about it. Of l course. I always have one argument to | bring them to their senses. l always | ask: What would your friends and the l public say if I sh ould insert as an ad- | yertisement my affidavit claiming that l article as the product of my brains and | research? I don't have to ask that | question often. however. l am thank 1 full to say. People, as rule, are willing l to stand by their bargains
 l Next to the Christmas season the l graduation season is the busiest for | me. I couldn't pretend to tell you how many graduation speeches l have writ | fen in my time. At least half my
 orders for such speeches come from ! the parents of the boy or girl to be 1 graduated. When 1 remind them that 1 boys and girls are not supposed to get | assistance in such work 1t does no