The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1907-12-29
Maria'S Midnight Lectures.
LECTURE NO. 20.

grip, Where have you been all the
evening; don't, for heavens sake. tell
me that you've been out trying to cure
the grip again; II the grip can survive
all the hot rum you've taken IN trying
10 drown IT, should think il deserved
10 live See there. Job. by the fire
I've fixed up a nice bath with mustard
all ready. Put your feet in K, Job. and
just set there while 1 listen 10 you tell
me all about the news. I feel sure
you've got a lot Of interesting things
TO say.
Thank heaven grip and Christmas
only come onc't a year. OF course I
like the season. and even II little Emily
did get sick sucking the paint of the
animals in the Noahs Ark you gave
her. and little Haley fell on his new
skates and-oh. well. I do love the sea
son becaus the children have such a
good time. And. Job. dear I hope that
you've forgiven me for forgetting 10
put anything in your stocking when
you went and hung Il up, but you see
the only present I could afford for you
was that set Of Ambrose Bierce's works
that I've been wanting so much 70 read,
and I couldn't even get one volume in
your socks. Is the water hot enough,
Job? That's right. wiggle your toes
about II may help 70 keep you awake,
Say, Job. what's all this row in the
navy about? OF course heard that If
the navy started for the Pacific there
was bound to be a row Of some sort.
but why should il start right here in
Washington. And who is this DR..
BrOwnsOn-well, admiral then-not that
l see II makes much difference. From.
what I can see the best way 20 get on
- the army or navy nowadays is 20
take a course in medicine. II may be
that the President thinks that II the
captain Of d snip is a doctor as well
that the government can save money IN
the treatment OF sick sailors, but even
IN a battle II the captain had 10 be
busy extracting bullets out OF the gun
ner's mate, I don't quite see who'd run
the ship, DO you. unless Il was the cook?
I see. by the way. that once the row
got nicely started AEr. Roosevelt went
OF on visit 70 MS wife's folks down
II Pine Knot; says he's going 70 rest
and won't even open his mail I should
hink not Il wouldn't be much ike
resting II he had 10 read every morn
ing what his recent enemies have 20 say.
about him. What Senator Foraker
might write would probably disturb his
nights rest; the heartiness OF Admiral
Brownson's Happy New Year would
probably give him a distsste for his
vicJuals, and as for Dr. Long-weu. he's
about the only medical man the Presi-
dent doesn't seem 20 care for. BY the
way, where is Commander in Chief.
Brigadier General and Honorary Colonel
Wood nowadays?
Did you read about that beautiful
fight put Up by the gentleman from In
diana2 Wasn't IL IoveIye It's all right
FOR Mr.. Harrington. when he's over IN
Paris, 10 write a perfectly lovely book
about His Own People" but when he
gets back 10 indianapolis. where the
literary atmosphere grows. il doesn't
seem quite the proper thing for him 70
20 about kicking his own people in the
stouaCh-even If they are policemen.
What l hate about fighting is YOU never
can tell the consequences i'm have.
Suppose that poor policeman gets frdi-
gestion; Just think what an awful hole
in Mr. Tarkington's royalties a sun for
damages would make Why. did YOU
notice about that other fight. there in
Congress, Somebody hit Mr.. John sharp
Williams in the nose. and as he fell on
the floor. there was an earthquake out
in Mississippi-talk about sympathetic
disturbances That man De Almond
ought 70 be more careful.
oh. JOB, 1 wisht in the morning that
you'd take the bunch ~ mktIetoe of the
gas burner IN the front hall. It's all
withered and wasn't much use anyway.
Little Haley kissed little Emily under
meath il 20 he sure. but II made me IN
comfortable every time I passed under IL.
When l took In the mail this morning. I
saw the posJman look at IL and then
look al me, and I thouEht-oh. well.
never mind. I suppose he didn't dare,
The man who came 10 put fin the coal
looked up at II and laughed. and then he
smiled kinder sheepish at me. but his
face was all black with coal dust. and
I just went into the front parIor and
waited until no was gone. NIistietoe. in
deed. It's only a pagan suspicion-su-
perstiJiOn. / mean. anyway.
I was reading. just before you came
in, Job. about the bin that has been
turned in for things bought by the Sen
ators. Isn't il Just awful, What in the
world do YOU suppose any Senator wants
70 buy skirt-hangers for? OF course. il
may have been for his wife. but II they
can Go that. 1 don't see why the Sena-
tors shouldn't buy their wife's hats out
Of the government money. II that were
allowed, 7 wouldn't mind II YOU were 90
into politics. job I could understand
the meaning OF practical politics then.
II the Senators can buy safety razors
and violet water and quinine and bath
slippers. / don't see, If you was
Senator, Job.'why YOU couldn't put in
bill for new pair Of pants for little
Haley. or some new dish towels for the
kitchen. Lord knows, I need EN- bad
enough,
Did you notice, Job that they've
been catching some more japanese spies
out in Portland, oregon? They had a
map of the city and the harbor better
made than any our government had. I
don't see why We don't let the Japs 60
10 work as spies and make a nice lot OF
maps for US OF all the cities and har-
bors, and then take 'em away from
them Be a good way 10 save money.
] should think We don't hear so much
now OF the financial stingency. do we.
Job2 II can't be that they're giving
out more money; leaStways l haven't
seen any Of it. What is a financial
stingency. job? Who Is it that's stingv