The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-12-22

of everybody from miles around. 1 felt
/ as II the floor of my stomach had
dropped out. Then 1 turned around and
saw the anxious look on Tildy's face
and l took hitch in the strap around
my equator, and, says I to myself, DO
it or bust.' I tied that little paper of
mine to a string and threw it over the
sheet, SOS it'd hang outside where /
could take a bird's-eye view OF it in
time of need, then pinned t'other end
of the string, and felt that there's
more'n one way of KILN a pup and
that 1 was not quite so green as I was
cabbage lookin'. L had confidence
enough to feed to the chickens.
Purity soon the organ began to
pump up and the people tried to quit
talkin'-the cantater was stretchin' it
self and gittin' ready to move.
First: Susie SpaIkin's class sang a
song of welcome That was all right,
and after the class marched off every
body looked at everybody else and said
they thought they'd done splendid. Aft
er all the audience people got through
tellin' each other who they thought
looked incest, Annie Cobb and Jessie
BLACK had what Tidy called a duet.
After them came the Skinner heirs.
They came out to sing a song about be-
in happy little children. They showed
each other around a bit tryin' to get a
foothold and forgot their say. Tidy
tried to whisper ii 10 them. but I guess
they thought she was scoldin', cause
two of them began to cry, and she had
to 60 out and lead them off the plat
form.
From that time on things was
scrambled worse'n eggs. and 1 saw that
Tidy was gettin' nervous and shy. The
organ started too early or too late to
ketch the gait Of the singers. You'd a
thought Tfldy's face vas crazy quilt
when six little boys stumbled out and
begun to sing about being good men
some day.
Il was next, and had to come out
one side as these little heathens went
off the other. / was excited terrible.
One of these boys must have spied my
string, for just as I stepped out that
precious paper climbin' up and disap-
pearin' over the top of the sheet. The
organ kept a-buzzin' and everybody
was waitin'. / never thought so many
faces could get into that church,
thought there must be more than a
million eyes lookin' at me. There new
er was a thermometer long enough to
tell just how hot my face was at that
time. ] had forgotten my song and /
don't know not what / was 20 say.
Tidy had the book back of the sheet
and whispered something to me and
told me to go on, but I wasn't goin'--
I'd gone as far as I could, for / was
plumb crazy. / tried to hear her say
the words, but she seemed miles away.
Oh, how ] wished l was at home and
had my lickin' and was in my little
bunk. The words had something in
them Ike this:
" 'Santers here. who is it humbly
begs?' and then some more. My recol-
lector had quit his job and gone a
fishin' or sornewheres, but pulled my
jaws open to say the words as they
sounded from behind the sheet. But I
don't know what I did say, but Pap
told me afterward that 1 bawled out
like a brindle calf:
Can't I hear who chucked 'en
eggs?'
mo matterl That crowd yelled and
then that platform seemed to dance
and try TO stand on end, and my head
went around a-flyin'. Everything went
a-whizzin' around me and as soon as
the come-out hole in the sheet came
skootin' past me l made a break for
it. but got off the road. Some imp had
got two bushel baskets of popcorn on
the tree side of the platform, and /
tripped on my robe, and made grand
dive for the baskets. and went into
that gorgeous tree head first. The tree
started to fall over and the trImmin's
got afire. Everybody jumped into the
air and yelled murder, the babies
screamed, the dogs under the stove
yelpe1 and old Lie Sankey tainted.
GAS soon as 1 got myself amputated
from that tree and got my arms and
legs raked together, 7 went outside
1t 49, fire
and divide the candy-I didn't want
want none. I went around a corner of
the church and husked myself out of
that pair of whiskers and buffalo robe.
Purity soon the people came out, and
they were jest a-talkin' and a cacklin'
Some one says:
"Tt's all right to hev SIGH things in
the school house, but that's what comes
of circus doin's in the church. We
mighter been burned up for examples
"Then came Tidy a-cryin' and a.
snifflin' and a-heavin' out a nice as
sortment OF sobs, and a sayin' that It
was mighty apt to evaporate or some
thing unless she was taken in hand,
so / stepped out I'm front of her and
says:
home in my sleigh? I'm sorry, I'm
But she trimmed my grape vine up
close, and did it quick. with:
Don't you tell ME what you arei
know what you are: You are a great,
great. big, big nuthin'i You've made
my friends laugh at me and I've
'peared worse than ridiculous. No.
won't go home with you, and you can's
go too quick
81 tell you she was boilin She had
some spunk at all times, but jest then
her temper seemed to hev a sort o.
family reunion. / didn't stop to ar
gify--I knew Tidy. I started for home.
1 put Old Badly in the stable and then
went up stairs into the granary and