davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER %, 1897.
Bonapartian PenoIoey.

Offending trust magnates and male
factors of great wealth will do well TO
note that Attorney General Bonaparte has
not abated the ferocity of his opinions
concerning the punishment of criminals
He has not repented OF his idea that
hanging would be the right thing for a
fourth offense, or that the habituaI Grim
inal should be reformed on the scafold.
This sentence sounds especially ominous:
I would have society cease 10 n0urish and shelter
IS IT0yed and iuTeteraye enemies"
Is not q malefactor Of great wealth an
enemy Of society? Is he not an habitual
criminal, a constant and persistent and
irreformable offender? Then let him be
punished according to the law He need
expect no mercy from the merciIess Bona
parte.
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20
Safe War Ships a Problem.

From the Baltimore American.
The recurring accidents on naval ships
resulting, as has often been the case. in
fatalities more numerous than the aver
age on similar ships that have passed
through the ordeal OF battle, emphasize
the fact that the equipment OF modern
warfare IS fearfully dangerous. even in
times Of peace Our own naval authorI-
ties, and doubtless those having the re-
spons!bihty for other n8vies, are engaged
IN constant endeavor 20 reduce the dan
gers Of handling and storing explosives 10
a minimum. 1t is q problem not vet
solved. however. how 10 insure that a
combination Of chemicals full OF death
dealing possibilities shall be harmless to
handle when there is no war on the pro-
gramme
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20
INSPIRED By THE HERALD.

Birmingham Age-Herald: The Washing.
ton Herald bids the mIkmaid a permanent
farewell, but that sort OF jolly won't "a
with the iceman.
Concord Monitor: Germany wants a toy
to equal the Teddy bear In popularity
The Washington Herald promptly sug.
gests the William goat.
Charleston News and Courier: ''Whats
the matter with Mr.. Nicholas LOngworth
for mayor Of CinCiHnau?" inquiries The
Washington Herald Understood.
Salisbury Post: The Washington Herald
eXclaimS How refreshing might be a
government Of common senser' Every
fellow who thinks he is holding down the
lid will take this as a personal thrust.
Savannah News; The Washington Her.
aid thinks that the declaration of SIDNEY
Tapp that he viii not let up until the
last trust is down and out is proof that
the Atlanta trust buster has come 10 stay.
Rochester Herald: IF Mayor Tom
Johnson is defeated. he can at least claim
that il took the entire fire department
to do it," says The Washington Herald.
Isn't it funny TO see anybody else than
Foraker ringing a fire alarm in Ohio?
Boston Tribune: 1T is extremely doubt.
ful that Mr.. Stuyyesant Fish could be
successfully initiated into the Ananias
Club by the regular team''-The Wash
ington Herald. Would be. you mean.
Harahan tried 10 do it. but was fioored.
Atlanta Georgian: The Washington
Herald objects to the Georgian's bard
who rhymed haunt her" with Atlanta. s.
And, by the way, says The Herald. what
is It that is going TO haunt her?" Why,
departed spirits" Of course, after jan
uary l.
Louisville Courier-Journal; According
70 The Washington Herald, Prince VIII
helm Of Sweden proved himself demo
cratic by eating three railroad doughnuts.
AdjeCtives should be more carefully used.
While democratic" means unterrified.
the word heroic would have been more
readily understood in this connection.
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20
SHORT LESSON IN CIvICs.
Political Ignorance of the Man in
the Street Exposed.

From tie New YORK Tribune
In the customers room Of q broker 8
Office the financial situation was under
discussion q few days ago Il was after 3
O'Clock. the ticker tape had told its tale.
aud the eleven men who composed the
grOup-brokers, clerks, and speculators-
ventilated their opinions and made pre-
dlCtiUns. The loudest talker was a man
whose criticism OF the Wall street con-
dluon was literally punctuated with
politics. q" graft. % rotten. % corruption. -
thieves" &c.
The youngest man in the party said that
possibly there would be less political
rottenness" II men like Mr.. Kicker took
some interest in politics One word
brought on another. and finally the young
man asked all present 20 answer in writ
ing these questions:
Who Is governor q New Yorss
Who IS lieutenant Eore7rors
How many wards are there in Greater New York;
In which wuri do you Iyel
ln which Congress district do you live?
Who IS the alderman q your ward!
Who Is the asssmbyman from your district
VINO Is the Senator from your district
Who Is the sheriff q New York;
When does Mayor NCCleliau's term exui-eF
OF the ten men all knew who the GOV
eruOr was, but only eight wrote the name
correctly. The name Of the lieutenant
governor was unknown 70 three, and two
OF the remaining seven did not know Mr..
Chanler's Christian name.
Not one could tell the number Of wards
IN the city, and only two knew in which
ward they lived. Three could tell the
number Of their Congress districts. and
only one knew the name OF his alderman.
Two knew the name OF the assemblymen
or their district and not one could tell
who represented him in the State senate.
The name OF the sheriff OF New York was
known TO only one OF the party, and five
knew when the term Of the present mayor
would expire.
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20
As to Eating Corn.

/ Says the Montgomery Advertiser:
'One way 20 shattcr loves young dream is 70 see
the dreamyeyed girl you're in love with eating corn
of the cob
That Is a sad mistake, and we are sur
prised 10 see such a statement in so
chivalric and courteous a contemporary.
/ The Advertiser knows better. II has been
watching Alabama girls eat corn from
! the cob for years and years-ever since
/ its giddy and youthful days, in fact. which
I is very long time agO-and it let 90 the
thoughtless remark recorded. We have
no doubt more as a petulant protest
against the methods employed by some
particularly annoying female not familiar
with the gentle art of eating corn au
naturel than II did with intent 10 indict
the fair sex in a sweeping or wholesale
manner.
As a matter Of faCt-and Grandma Ad-
vertiser knows it-nothing stirs the heart
strings of 2 youth more readily than the
sight Of a well-bred. good-looiIing. and
laughing girl eating corn from the cob
heartily, joyously, and, mayhap. hungrily.
It is the only satisfactory way 10 eat
corn. anyhow Corn boiled on the cob,
and eaten with real, genuine country
butter, Is as different from corn prepared
in other ways as is noon from evening
tide. It is impossible for girl 20 eat
corn from the cob without smiling, dim
ping and showing her pearly teeth
every fellows best girl" of course, has
pearly teeth. Moreover, In choosing corn
thus prepared. and tackling it unafraid
and undismayed. she shows her generous
measure of good, common sense-and a
suggestion Of this, coupled with her nat
ural coquettishness. is never wasted on
a level-headed man. Such a girl would
be sure 10 serve Irish potatoes with their
jackets on. when rounded up finally and
d0mesticatcd
Even now. we are quite sure, the Ad-
vertiser IS sorry it spoke. Its language
would be set down as high treason were
It not for the fact that its long and hon
orable career suggests unthinkins haste
instead. No one holds the sweet and
blushing maidenhood Of the land closer
to its heart than our Alabama contem-
porary-metaphorical speaking, Of course
and 10 be sure, We know, in truth, that
this ever-youthful veteran would sit for
hours in the sunshine at ninety-nlne de-
grees and watch a bewitching Alabama
girl eat corn from the cob, and never for
a moment grow a-weary, "Shatter loves
young dream indeed, 1t tends to in
tensify ii threefold. and then some!
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20

ton In the national administration-these
We're the themes upon which Judge Par
ker and Mr.. Mccall dilated.
/ Doubtless II IS we'll that we should have
/ frequent and impressive reminders that
government is full of imperfection; but
/ the whole discussion is quite arid unless
our monitors point out a practical way
/ OF political progress along which we may
travel. That is what Judge Parker and
Mr.. Mccall both conspieuously fail to do.
Their advice amounts simply TO telling a
mighty nation to stop short in it's polti-
cal career. and 10 arrest the development
Of its political institutions at the point
now attained. They do not mean merely
/ that we should purge administration OF
| fraud and corruption. but that We should
prune away the administration itself, and
cut of newly acquired functions Of gov
ernment Judge Parker rails at govern
ment by commission. and il his criticism
has any practical value, 1t means that. in
his opinion. a body like the Interstate
Commerce Commission has no place in
our governmental system. and ought to be
abolished Mr.. Mccall has no liking for
Federal inspection of meats. foods. and
railroads, and if his criticism of these
features Of our government is just. they
should also be abolished. And so on,
along the whole line Of destructive criti-
cism.
We submit that decentralization OF Fed
eral power is an impracticable way Of
political progress at the present day. To
denude the national government Of its
existing functions and to deYolye them
on the States is mpossible-impOssible be-
cause contrary 10 the whole trend of ma
tiondl thought and development. When
Mr. Root, IN his address on the growth
Of the national power. described the in
creasing sentiment OF nationality and OF
dependency on the Federal government.
he simply stated the most significant fact
OF our political development. He was not
outlining a novel theory; he was telling
Of matters Of common observation. The
new federalism is n logical outcome OF
the old. and It is no more likely to be
submerged by the new paTticulsriSm than
the states are likely 10 be devourcd. in
Mr. McCaITs phrase, by the national gov
ernment.
Yet it IS wen, as we have said. that our
political Cassandras should at times recall
the fundamental principles OF our govern
ment, and of all governments, and that
we should be forced 10 realize that null
tiplication OF functions may not increase
the efficiency Of government, while it is
sure 20 add 10 the perplexity and the dif-
fculty Of administration. as well as 10 the
possibility OF corruption and oppression.
No one can stop the flowing tide OF our
national political development. but we
may all pray that it be wisely guided, so
that the fears Of the timid and the prog
nostlcatLons OF the critical may De c0a-
founded and brought 10 naught,
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20
The Goxernor,s Trouscrs.

Talk about Spartan simplicity. Gov.
Hoke Smith, OF Georgia, paid a visit TO
Sparta the other day, and while he was
there he ordered q new pair Of trousers
from a tailor. Before the garment could
be completed and delivered an imperative
telegram summoned the governor away.
Unfortunately the only trousers he had
We're those which he had on, and these
had a large rent in a place that made
it awkward for any man. let alone an
executive. So Mr.. HOke Smith had 10 go
T. bed and summon 70 his aid q defJ
chambermaid. who sewed UP the guberna-
torial rent so that the governor might
once more appear in public
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
AUTUsIN IN TOWN.

The play resumes
At thirt-twent-ten;
The price OF rooms
Goes up again.
The moving vans are on the haul.
And thus we know that II is fall.
Each shop essays
To you advise;
They know Il pays
To advertise.
Abroad the caterpillars crawl
And thus we know that 1t is fall.
The parlor sup
Ersedes IN turn
The old front stOop.
The gas jets burn.
Pianos now the damsels maui.
And thus we know that IL is fall.
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20
NOTES AND NOTIONS.
TTlI IIl IIITILI"T| ITII"TI-I-.
A FOOTLIGHT LAMENT.

4 FROM ta1 BlliiLl1FU Avn Etltl4
A FOOTLIGHT LAMENT.
Tis the jewcled gift and the spotlight
fame.
For tie pampGTgd chorus girl.
IT'S TO see her charms that the people
come.
To watch her graceful twirl
For her, the wrlte-up and the display
head.
The diamonds and the midnight feast
The dog that lies in luxury's lap.
TIL humans envy the beast.
But what does fate do for the chorus
man?
A rank outsider he
In the favors and thoughts Of the fckle
dame.
Who cares what he may be?
Does he ever get a column talk
About his faucies and dress?
DO they send him flowers and gems and
notes.
or ask for his golden tress?
Do heiresses beg he will marry them
And live a life OF ease?
Does he ever get 10 the front OF the row ?
No; he's 10 chance IN the squeeze.
He has 10 stand at the back and baWI,
A background for girly squeals.
For him, nothing is doing; the chorus man
Gets the tough end Of the deals
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20
MOderniZinE Japan.

The japanese people are doing al they
can to introduce modern methods into
their life From the schools the ancient
Chinese script, which they have used for
centuries. has almost entirely disap-
peared. In books of a popular nature
the more simple system Of writing in
vented by the japanese IS used, but in
scientific works the Chinese signs, which
are known practically to every educated
japanese, constitute about one-half Of
the text in order still further TO sim
plify the system Of writing q "Ramaji
Kai." or n Roman Alphabet Society, has
the purpose being 10 introduce the Roman
characters throughout the empire A
notable feature OF the present Japanese
school system Is the persistent and de-
termined effort OF the authorities 70
make the schools the means for military
education and the growth Of patriotism
Military exercises Of various kinds form
fixed part Of the curriculum Of every
school. and the boys are comparatively
good soldiers by the time they have fin
ished the common school When a
teacher asks 'Who Is the happiest man
on earth?" the answer invariably will
be, The patriotic citizen who draws his
sword for the defense Of his country. g"
IN answer to the question, WHO is the
greatest man on eaTth?" the answer
usually will be, Admiral Togo"
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20
This Extravaeant Age.

I'm going to start hotel where it will
cost $1,000 900 per day for a room"
you won't catch many suckers at that
| figure"
I won't need many. Five or six Will
soon enable me to retire"
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20
Can't OverruIe the People.

From the Hartford Times.
We may venture the prediction that the
Hon. Theodore Roosevelt win not see his
way clear to attempt 10 veto such an ex-
preston of popular sentiment as occurred
In Oklahoma on Tuesday. Had the re-
suit been close. an adverse decision at
Washington would have followed as 4
matter of course
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20
III-cho.en Terms.

7 have lost Mr.. Rockefeller.s friend
ship"
"How's that2'
Yesterday De asked me how was
feeling. and I said bully. / saw that had
made q mistake. 50 when be asked ne
to-day. said fine That was the end"
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20

From the Christian Register.
Time was when Theodore Roosevelt
could have given points to the nature
takers. He came home from church. when
a small boy. in terror Of that weird ami
nal, the zeal. The text explained t.:
The zeal Of thine house hath eaten me
up
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20
Easily Accomplished.

How can that spiritualist see astral
bodies as she claims?'
she has peculiar light on the subject
hasn't she?"
so she says"
Well she has. She uses astral lamps. -
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20
The FnU Rush.

rs Il true that your grandfather came
over In 1870 in the steerage?'
1T Is" answered Mrs. De Style.
Grandfather was terribly embarrassed.
but. with everything engaged weeks and
weeks ahead. what was he 70 dO?'
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20
1t RegrInds.

The mill will never grind again with
water that is past" remarked a mourn
ful citizen.
That's where a joke-mill has the bulge
on "a water-mill," cackled the cheerful
press humOrist
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20
No COnI 10 Spare,

From the Baltimore Sun.
Our battle ship squadron may be forced
to burn English coal on the voyage TO the
Pacific There will be no protest from
American consumers. According to all
accounts, Uncle Sam will have no anthra-
cite coal to spare this winter. But what
will the friends OF the tariff say?
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20

For old sea doEs-Port.
For hypochondriaCs-Cha
For cotton manufacturers-Gin.
For dOctors-Ales.
For Undertakers-Beer.
For lOvcrs-''Pop."
For acrobats-BOunce.
For ze-ighters-Punch.
For miilinsrs-CoCk-tails.
For mediums-Bad spirits.
Tor golf piayers-Teas.
For stock brOkers-Water.
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20
Fruit of Human Toll.

From the St Louis Republic
When the Hester cotton report esti-
mates the l9O6-O7 cotton crop at i3.5f0sS2
bales. worth an average OF S53O2 a bale.
1t means more than pages OF DingIey sta
tistics. Il means prosperity which does
not depend on taxation, but on perspira-
tion.
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20
NOTICE TO SUBSCRIBERS.

Do not delay in notifying this once
Of any change Of address. locally or by
mail If the paper is not being served
regularly or satisfactorily, make prompt
complaint by telephone OF postal card.
Il is the aim 10 furnish perfect service.
and home subscribers viii contribute 70
this end By reporting At once any and
al deficiencies. Telephone, Main s50O.
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20

It wouldn't hurt the Jamestown Ex-
position q little bit if those social differ
ences were settled by all hands going
on The Warpath" and smoking the pipe
OF peace.
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20

From the Charlotte Observer.
With each address he makes the more
firmly are We impressed with the belief
that If the country had known Judge
Parker three years ago as well as II
knows him now, he would have been
elected President.
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20
EnhIrnn Enhors,

We had to shovel off the grass
Awhile ago.
And it viii soon be time, alas,
To NOW the snow.
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20
Ho,y II IInnnened.

hunter. the animals danced for Joy.
The man reported this circumstance
and thus got himself denounced as a
uature-flEer
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20
Smoking and soldiers.

The experience Of Lord W0lseIey, Of the
British army, has been such that he has
always made IL rule to allow. whenever
possible. the soldiers under his command
one pound Of tobacco a month. which he
considers "A fair allowance. aa5 with the
use OF which De finds the soldier does his
best work. In Italy the military authori-
/ ties recognize tobacco as one Of the com
forts essential 10 troops, and cigars are
served out 20 them with their daily "a
tions IN France there are it is said.
100000 smokers, and Of every fifteen
there are eight who smoke a pipe. five
who smoke cigars. and only two who are
cigarette smokers. Stul. the French con-
sumo more than see ooJJ0U0 cigarettes q
year. Tho best cigars manufactured any
where come from Cuba. the tobacco for
which is cultivated IN the famous Vuclra
De Ab8jO district. west 0f Havana This
favored spot Is located on the banks of
the river, the nature Of the soil being
such that in no other place In the world
can leaves OF such excellence be produced.
The largest cigars come from the Philip
pines, some OF them being eighteen inches
long. They find "a ready sale in Italy.
whose smokers Use the strongest tobacco
in the world
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20

Miss Oldgirl is TO be married at last" q"
Yes; and she is going 20 make q very
appropriate match"
Whom is she going to marry?"
"a collector of antiques"
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20

Even if Platt should resign, has the
country any assurance that New York
would not do worse?' asks the Bristol
(Va) Herald-Courier. Certainly. New
York is a great and powerful state. but
it cannot perform the impossible.
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20

At least. Judge Parker shows a much
greater willingness 10 talk in advance Of
the 1875 Democratic convention than he
did In 1904
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20

Anna Held has registered q large kick
because certain railroads charge her for
excess baggage. Those who have seen
the lady under full steam ahead on the
stage never imagined she carried any
such thing.
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20
Land Through Drninage.

One hundred and fifty million acres is
the approximate area OF the waste lands
Of the United States, which are possible
OF reclamation, and Of being brought into
state OF extraordinary fertility and use
fulness They afford about equal oppor-
tunity for the two classes Of improve
ment, irrigation and drainage. Generally
speaking. the swamp areas are in the
more thIckly settled parts Of the country,
ana the engineering problems connected
with drainage are 50 much simpler than
those connected with irrigation that the
cost Of retaining these lands IS less
The average cost Of irrigation reclama-
ton thus far undertaken by the govern
ment amounts 10 about so an acre The
cost Of drainage reclamation will not
exceed, according 70 official estimates, -
10 80 an acre. Such reclaimed lands
viii compare favorably with the best
cultivated lands in the East and should
eventually reach value OF from $50 TO
500 an acre.
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20
MEN AND THINGS.


There has recently arrived in this
country a famous -cellist, Modesto Alt
sehuler. director Of the Russian Sym
phony Orchestra. He came over On
the White Star liner Teutonic, and he
thinks America must be a strange coun-
try if il is peopled with the same sort
Of folks who came over on the boat with
him, He is a ruddy, smooth-faced little
Russian, who stands five feet 1--WE inches,
and who Is such a lover of fresh air
that he insisted on sleeping on deck
every night One night he borrowed a
cello from the ships orchestra and ap-
peared on deck with ii. his favorite in
strument He retired 10 a corner of the
deck and began to play lie played sew
eTal selections. and il is reported that
the women of the ship crowded around
him, praising him. and were so carried
away by his genius that most Of them
insisted on kissing him.
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20
The Coming Man.

From the Boston Herald
The first 10-cent milkman has arrived.
No riotous demonstrations, so far.
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20

The Democrats must nominate a man
upon whom all factions will unite" SAYS
Martin w. LittletOn. Oh, yes. of course;
70 be sure-um-mi what is the answer.
Mr.. LittIeton?
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20
Learning the symptoms.

There IS a fine collection OF books at
the Darlinghurst fail, Sydney, Australia,
but the books are sometimes put to
strange uses by the prisoners. They
have been employed as effective missiles
to hUrl at the head Of an officer, and
they are often treated as note-paper-
that is, a portion Of a leaf Is torn out
for the purpose Of a surreptitious mes
sage. Sometimes the prisoners taste for
reading is decidedly uulitarian. A prison
chaplain, on visit 10 a brother chaplain,
asked the prison librarian what books
were in most demand among the prison
ers. A work on medicine was named as
the general favOrite. This seemed odd.
and caused the resident chaplain to make
further Inquiries. These led 70 the dis
covery that the descriptions Of symptoms
OF Illness were carefully studied by the
inmates Of the prison, as q scientific
guide to the shamming of sickness. so
that they might get into the hospital
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20

One Of our jingoes has fixed February
as the month for the beginning Of hostlli-
ties between this country and Japan. He
should receive our thanks for limiting
the tension TO the shortest month in the
year, at least
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20

The only negro member Of the Georgia
legislature has resigned Doubtless he
was determined to make some sort OF
motion that would receive the approba-
tion and support of his colleagues.
The Washington herald., 1907-09-20

There Is a secret society among the
FilipinOs known as the Kataastaasan
Kagalangalang Katipunan. Now. we do
not belong to the Kataastaasan Kaga-
langalang Katipunan, nor has the Ka-
taastaasan Kagalangalang Katipunan
asked Us TO Join, but we rejoice to write
about the kataastaasan Kagalangaiang
katpunan, because our pet linotype op-
orator oalled up one of our best jestlets
recently and we are after re-e-e-vengel