The Washington herald., 1907-09-22


expect you think I'll believe that,
Job Shrew A pretty tale. indeed. and
here it IS just striking y. Where's
your fish? Lost EN- / do declare.
that Moses-or. maybe, il was Mala-
chi-knew what he was talking about
when he said in his haste that all
men were-well. you know you aren't
telling me the truth. Here I'm laying
awake and worrying, and that child
Emily's got another carbuncle, and lit
tie Haley nearly scared me to death,
be got the castor oil bottle and
smeared it all over his head. Said
he wanted his hair to look shiny Ike
yours. Heaven aIono 9,nows how much
Of the stuff he drank-I know he
couldn't eat any dinnerl
Tired l suppose 50; som I; but
1 want 10 know about some Of the
things I've been seeing in the paper
while 1 was awaitin' for you. My.
isn't It hot? / see that Mr.. Wellmans
a coming back from the north pole:
the wind was blowing the wrong way,
and his balloon wouldn't go. If he
were wise, he'd stay up around there
until all this hot weather gets done.
don't believe there Is any pole, any
way. and If they should find It,
don't see that it's going to do anybody
any good
I tel you, Job, you men have a
good time. Look at the President
and his Cabinet! Here's Mr.. Roosevelt
going off to Mississippi on a bear
hunt, as if there weren't enough
Teddy bears In the country now
most Of 'em made in Germany, I'm
told. There's Mr. Taft away out on
the Pacific, having a jaunt; here's
Mr.. Straus just getting back from
Honolulu. and now Mr.. Root, after
training up for the journey, of for
Mexico. Seems TO me there won't be
anybody left 10 govern up pretty soon.
unless it's Mr.. Fairbanks, and the last
time I heard Of him he was talking
at an irrigation congress.
''Speak!n' o. the Vice President. I
just don't seem 10 get that cocktail
business right in my mind. It isn't
that no one rightly knows where the
cocktails came from; no one knows
who drank EN-. Mr. Loeb says he
didn't get any-and he SAYS If in u
hurt sort OF way: Mr.. Fairbanks, be-
ing a Methodist, he doesn't drink; Mr.
Roosevelt was too busy talking about
the railroads to have time for q
drink-and yet them cocktails disap-
peared- I guess If the truth were
known, the caterer drunk 'em.
'Job-yOu amt a-going 10 sleep.
are you2 Quit growing surely YOU
can stay awake long enough TO have
a little intelligent conversation with
your wife. Say, have you been read
ing about those affinitles? I tell you
that man Earle set a mighty bad ex-
ample, Here's the post-office authori-
ties been getting after a woman IN
Chicago who was advertising 10 pro-
vide affinities for everybody. I'd Ike
to know what sort Of an affinity'd suit
you, Job. Ne, Laws. Job-I didn't
think you had sense enough 10 fatter
auybody-but 7 have been q good wife
20 you; haven't u
"Oh, say, wasn't that scandalous
about them baseball fans beating an
umpire over the head with a pop bot
tie. It's not that care much for UNI
pires myself, they talk so strangely
you never can understand what they
say. any more than you can when a
brakeman yells out the name Of a
railroad station: but that's no reason
for hitting EN- over the head and
breaking pop bottles. 20 say nothing
Of the skulls tell you the fans must
be queer sort Of people. Since I heard
that the Chinese Minister was so fondof
the game. I've often wondered whether
they called 'em fans because It had
some relation 20 the Chinese national
game O fan-tan. Speaking about the
Chinese. I see that Mr.. WI Ting-fang
IS coming back here to Washington
ThaJH be good news for Mr.. Roose-
welt, for I understand that Mr.. Fang's
almost as strenuous as Speck Won
SternbUrg. and they can have fine
times APPLYING Chinese tennis. That's
the game they play on the dining
table. amt It? Not tennis-ping-pong
well, knew It sounded Chinese. any
way,
Did you see that the papers say that
the peace scheme at The Hague has
failed again7 They just won't have
peace; and Ike as not If they keep
arguing about It over there, the whole
thingll end in row. Human natures
much the same whether it's at The
Hague or at Quincy. Ill I remember
when we was living there, Mort Hal
sey was put up at the debating So
ciety TO speak in favor O. universal
peace. Deacon Sparks disagreed with
Mort. and they called each other hard
names, and it ended in EN- going be-
hind the schoolhouse and fighting it
out Mort gave the deacon a black
eye. and the universal peace question
amt settled yet.
Politics seems TO be getting about
ripe again. I see they're making an
awful fuss about Congressman Burton
and Mr.. Tom johnson out in some
place in Ohio Cleveland? No: he's
sick; he amt got anything TO do with
# Tom Johnson's a Democrat. and
he's in favor Of people riding free on
the street cars. and Mr.. Burton, l
guess he wants the company to give
'em transfers, too. Anyhow. its some
fr7g about municipal improvement,
Nj Taft and Mr.. Roosevelt are
- in It some way. I don't under
and 1t all. but I know that Senator
Foraker thinks they're all wrong.
Then there's another Democrat who's
been coming forward lately. Senator
CulbersOn. Of Texas. The Democrats
there are only few of 'em In Con-
gress-Want Mr.. Culbersor o be the
Democratic floOr-walkeT-WeII, leader