The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-04-29

| Dame Natures plan
This month to rule,
IS make each man
An April fool"
And taught that he
| Is such, tbs clear
He'll wiser be
Throughout the year
st. Louis Globe-Democrat.
Better Than Swearing, Anyway.
Rear Admiral Mead, who has just
| retired, was talking one night at din
ner In Portsmouth about the power OF
discipline.
I'm my YOUTH he said, SET knew a
first mate in the merchant marine
| VINO, though an excellent officer, was
oreadfuily profane. When anything
| went wrong he would volley forth
| oaths and curses in a shocking way.
Once, though. he shipped with q very
strict religious captain, and the first
time this captain CHANGED to witness
one OF the mates swearing bouts, he
gave the young man a good dressing
down.
! You are a first-rate OFFICER he
ended; but remember. no more swear
Ship
We'll, the mate bore the captains
warning in mind. Then one afternoon
II happened that the boatswain made
an order. When the boatswain CON
fessed the fault he had committed, the
mate turned red with rage He open
ed his mouth. Everybody looked at
MIN expectantly. waiting to hear some
renarKa pie oaths; but then the
captain hove in sight.
The mate, seeing the captain,
remembered his orders about profan-
lty. But his rage had to have vent of
some SORT, and striding up close to the
cuiprlt' he roared in the mans face:
SWAMI"
Towns With Troubles.
Ihere are many towns that, like
chronic invalids. have chronic trou-
bles London's trouble. for instance,
is her fog
her worst earthquake 100000 resi-
dents of Toxic were killed.
Calcutta's trouble is cholera, and the
bubonic plague is the trouble of Bonn
bay. Each city pays to her trouble an
annual tribute of 5000 souls
Madrid's trouble is the solano. a
summer wind from the southeast. 1t
is exceedingly hot, and it is accom-
dust, so that, Notwithstanding a tenn
perature of 105 or ITO degrees, all
windows must be closed during the
solano, and every citizen must stay
mel.
The mistral is the trouble of Mar
sellles-an east wind that. when it
Bagdad's trouble is the "Bagdad
button" a sore that attacks practical
ly every resident and visitor. leaving a
button-shaped. permanent scar.
quitoes, the largest, boldest and most
rapacious in the world. 1t is strange
that Kiplfng, in his poem about the
bells of Mandalay, forgot to mention |
the far noisier mosquitoes.
Agras trouble is her heat. The an |
nual mean temperature of Arga is 95 |
degrees in the shade.
American cities have no troubles. at
least none worth mentioning.
Not Matter for Experiment.
young man who had inherited a |
large fortune from rich but very eco
nomical relative decided to live on |
scale commensurate with his greatly /
increased income, and was making ar
to build a fine mansion buy |
an automobile and invest in other ex-
pensive luxuries, when an elderly friend
who had always been one of his advis-
ers undertook to demonstrate with him.
Whats this 1 hear about your sQuan-
dering the money your uncle left you,
Harry?'' said the elderly friend.
II am not going to squander It," he
answered, but I'm going to get some
good out of it,
TITS enough to make him turn over
in his grave. Didn't your uncle prove
In his own case that a man could live
on personal expenditure OF less tnan
81, 900 year?"
Yes"
"wen?"
"Wen, he proved 1t so thoroughly that
accept it as demonstrated. What is
the use of my continuing the expert
nent ?"-Youth's Companion.
Quito YOungster.
Heffelhnger. the famous guard" at
Yale in the EOS, now a prosperous
business man of the west recently told
/ story of a countryman who, with his
wife, had come down to New Haven to
Zee the ''footballers.'
The rural one had walked around !
he stalwart Heffelfinger with an air ;
# critical curiosity, much as he might
nave surveyed a horse he was about to
purchase.
"Sary." he called to his wife.
What is it?"
''This feller's nigh on to seven feet. !
lin't hep" :
almost, Zachariah."
weighs bout two hundred and ;
wenty. don't hep" II
81 reckon he does"
well, well. well!" calculated the 7
cit do beat all how foot :
,all do develop emf :
HE certainly is a fine young mani" t
aid the wife. S