davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-12-13
Missed the ToWpath.

There was little girl five years Old
or so living in an inland town up the
state. Near her home there was no
river nor, In fact any water but the
Erie canal.
The childs mother made visit TO
New York and on her return was tell
ing of ber trip down the bay and OF
how wonderful the sea had looked 10
her. Her little girl was listening
eagerly.
Tell me just what the sea Is like.
mamma" she said.
Her mother made an effort
There's the beach," she said, "all
smooth white sand. You stand on IL
and look out over the ocean, and all
you can see is water, just moving wa
ter. waves coming in and breaking
nothing but water and sky"
The child sat trying 10 picture H.
then In an awed little whisper asked
"Oh, mamma. isn't there a tow
pathY-New York Times.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-12-13
Mirth Of a Murderer.

With the hep Of little tool, not un-
like tin opener, our burglar cut two
long slits-one perpendicular, the 9TH
er horizontal-in the iron shop shutter.
Then he wrenched the flap toward
him. bending it with his powerful
hands as one twists open the lid Of q
sardlne tin. Another minute and he
was inside.
Quietly and methodically he thrust
precious stones and rings into his lit
tie bag. choosing those which besides
being small were Of great value. The
bag was all but full when the jeweler
himself appeared at the back OF the
shop. He carried candle In one hand
and q revolver In the other.
The burglar bowed very politely and
said:
"I did not care to pass by an old
friends house without stopping to bid
him good day"
The unsuspecting jeweler allowed
himself to be shaken by the hand,
when, with a sudden thrust, the bur
glar stabbed him to the heart
The bag was rapidly filed to almost
bursting point, and before leaving the
premises the burglar wrote n few
words on q sheet Of paper, which he
pasted on the outside Of the shop:
"Closed on account Of death In the
family. y."-London Scraps.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-12-13
Bow, Use Of Parometers.

Every English schOolbOy who can
afford It has q barometer that he
keeps hidden under his bed or In his
trunk, for IN all English schools ba-
rometers are strictly forbidden to the
pupils. Why should they be forbid
den? Why should they be desired?
Through the autumn and winter the
English schoobOy plays football every
afternoon, weather permitting. He
must play two hours each clear day.
These two hours are taken of his rec
itatlons. They make his school tasks
two hours lighter; hence when he
knows beforehand that the next day
VIII be clear he may spare himself
two hours Of useless study the night
before. His barometer pointing 10
fine" saves him a lot Of toll. But
when the instrument points to
change then the schoolbOy knows
that there will be no football. Thus
a boy with a barometer has a big adj
vantage. He often sells weather pre-
dlctlons at n penny apiece.-Philadel-
phia Bulletin.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-12-13
Professional Eticuette.

An eminent physician had valuable
COW. which became sick and seemed
likely to die. He asked an Irish serv-
ant who lived with him II he knew
ANYBODY who followed COW doctoring.
The doctors groom said, There's Jem-
my Lafferty, who can cure any COW IN
the world" "WeT, them" replied the
doctor, "go for Lafferty.' The COW
doctor accordingly came and treated
the brute for four or five days, and
on the lapse Of due time he waited on
DR.. Lewis and pronounced her cured.
The doctor, greatly delighted, put his
hand on his pocketbook. well, Laf-
ferty, what do | owe your "Owe
mew replied Jenny, drawing himself
up with dignity. Nothing, sir. We
doctors niver take money Of one an
other"
"My first impulse" said the doctor
while telling the story, "was to throw
his fee after him, but on second
thought the whole affair seemed so
ridiculous that | bowed him my ac-
acknowledgements with as much gravity
as I could assume" London Iclc-
graph.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-12-13
Hard 10 Please.

George, DEAR" said the newly made
wife. 'if you became a Mormon or q
sultan and were allowed six wives,
whom would you choose for the other
1veT'
George was diplomatic.
"I'd select" he replied, five dupli-
Gates Of your own pretty SELF
"Oh, you nasty thingT' she sobbed.
when we were engaged you often
said there wasn't another girl IN the
world like mew
"But, my dear Gertrude he replied
ut was you who suggested the prob
lem, and, anyhow, / should never be-
come a Mormon or q sultan"
"Oh, you wretchr' she shrieked
"You mean that If you found any 9TH
ers like me you wouldn't marry them
I'll pack my trunk now and go home
to motherr'
1t was the first tiff.-London An
sWers.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-12-13
When Goethe Dictated.

In Wilhelm BODIES Studies With
Goethe" an interesting chapter Is made
I'D from the recollections Of his last
secretary. Christian Schuchardt. or
Goethe's method when he dictated
"Wrhelm Meister" Schuchardt says:
HE dictated with a certainty and ra-
pldity which made one fancy that he
was reading from a printed book. Ii
this had been done in quiet and with
out interruption, would not have
marveled so much. But while the
work was proceeding there came the
barber, the hairdresser-Goethe had his
hair singed every other day and had it
dressed daily-the library servant, Of
ten the former secretary, his clerk. all
OF whom had access TO his study unan'
nounced. Friends called. the barber
gossired. the librarian told abort books
newly received. some membcf OF the
family would enter and join IN the con-
yersation. and finally. when all was
again quiet. would read the last
sentence. and the dictatiOa would pro
ceed as though there h.d been no III
terruption
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-12-13
Ne Knew Her,

The conductor looked at the thin
man.
"Do you see that stout woman at the
other end Of the car, the one with the
monkey hat?' he asked.
IL think l see the one you mean," the
thin man responded.
There, she's looking this way" said
the conductor. "Well, sir, l admire
that woman"
"You doT
Yes, do. She may have squin'
and wear bad fitting clothes and big
,hoes. yet 1 admire her."
"WhyT
"She knows how to get of car the
right way, and that's why. She's toe
stout, and her hair Is ratty. and she
hasn't any taste, but when she steps
down from the back platform | never
worry. know she'll land all right
I'm dead sure she isn't goAg to SIT
down In the mud and ask me for my
number. That's why ! admire her
Here she comes now. Watch her when
she gets of"
The stout woman came down the
aisle and briskly descended to the
street. And the conductor. with his
hand on the bell rope. winked approv
Ingly at the slim man.
Then the stout woman looked around
"Come. George" she called aD1 the
slim man meekly followed her.-Cleve
land Plain Dealer
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-12-13
CAUGHT the Policemen

All the countryside is laughing at an
experience of the police at Lough
Neagh, Ireland. An intercounty cock
fight was arranged between birds from
Londonderry and Antrim and was held
on one OF the islands in the Tough.
The police got wind OF it and arrived,
as they usually do late. All the availa-
BILE boats had been pressed into use by
the spectators, and the police, after
trying valnly to secure transportation
to the island. determined TO swim for
it. Just as they arrived the bout ended,
and every boat put off for the main
land again. The police had a swim
back for their pains. and when they
reached the mainland they found that
their clothing, over which they had neg
lected 10 leave a guard, had disappear
cd. They had ten mile march In
dripping underclothes to the nearest
barracks, where they were put to bed
until new uniforms could be procured.
Liverpool Mercury.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-12-13
n, 45e Dynamite shios.


Thern is 4 service whose conditions
nre little known to the outside world
that of the men or the dynamite ships
that lurk in the shadow Of Canyey Is
land. II once happened that cargo
boat took fire near Cauvey island. Inc
crew could not eXtinguish the flames,
the vessel had 10 be abandoned. ana
the tide carried her straight for the
dynamite ships. BY a miracle the
blazing hulk steered safely between
them. But the tide turned, and with
II back again she came. Another mir
acle and the floating inferno missed
them all a second time. y spark from
her blazing timbers. the least shock
from q collision and she had exploded
such q mine as would have blown the
half Of Essex into Ireland. She float
ed. Kissing and spluttering, down the
tideway and passed away, to burn her-
self to the waters edge beyond the
reach Of dynamite. And the SILENT
lonely men stayed unstirring at their
posts and twice saw the grave open
and close before them. - Army ana
Navy
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-12-13
Deadly East lndian Duels.

There are good deal Of savagery and
stoical disregard of death left in the
east yet despite the advance OF CIVIL
zation, and this extends 10 the SO called
sports Of the people. Thus among the
natives of BaroIa there obtains still a
kind Of glaNiatorial display in the
shape Of q fearful fist fight wherein
the contestants wear very fornida.
ble cestus Of steel studded with muir
derous spikes. The Enthusiastically
big, brawny, athletic men who have
been infuriated for the OCCASION with
copious drafts of opium in which hemp
Is tnfused-enter the arena singing and
set to with deliberate intent to Kill
one or both Invariably succumbing.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-12-13
professor,nI Standing.

A professor Of English literature III
one of our universities once brought 70
ME TO publish in this magazine learn
cd piece Of writing. 1t seemed TO me
a pretty dull thing and not important
according to my judgment, to anybody
and not possibly interesting 10 more
than q mere handful OF special stu
dents. / told him this as politely as !
could. He soon came to ME again and
smilingly took me into his confidence
81 hardly expected" he said, that you
would publish that study that l OF
fered you-in fact, I care little about
II myself. wrote It because my pro-
fesslonal standing demands that shall
produce something at certain Intervals
but now ] have a piece Of writing thai
! do take great pride in. and wan'
you to publish II without betraylng the
authorship to any living being. II
would hurt my professional standing u
II became known that / wrote this.
II was a novel!-Walter II. Page III
Atlantic.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-12-13
;,t,s Mamie Rose Rose.

'Tt doesn't take these little Russian
children long to catch on TO things III
this country" remarked a teacher OF
the Educational alliance. when one
explains n word to them they never
forget II. and they are always ready
with an illustration OF its meaning
too. remember that some time ago
I had explained to the class the mean
ing of the word ambiguity and then,
as the custoD, is. turned about ana
made them explain the word to me-
"'Now. is there any one | asked.
who can give me an illustrauonF
"a grimy little urchin at the back
OF the room stuck up his hand.
"'Here's a ambiguity fer ye, De
cried. Little Mamie Rose sat on a
tack-llttle Mamie Rose. Seer
"Oh. no." concluded the teacher, you
don't have to explain thing TO the
east side child twice."-New York Sun.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-12-13
Talked Too Much.

In n certain village Of New lamp
shire there Is quaint OIL character
known as Boss Mellln keenly alive TO
the truth of the old saying. Silence is
golden" Mel,ln's gift In this respect
approaches genius. though he was full
" aware o. what he deemed his short
comingS therein.
Mellin usel 10 make mattresses Tor
a living. One day a native Of the place
entered his shop and asked, Boss
what's the best kind Of mattressF
"Husks," was the laconic response or
Boss.
Twenty years later. SO runs the ira
dition. the same man again entered the
shop and again asked what, In the
opinion OF Mellin, was the best kind or
a mattress.
STRAW" said Boss.
STRAW? You told me husks was the
bestw
Boss Mellln emitted a sigh. i've al
ways ruined myself by talkin'," said
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-12-13
The Simple Minded kurds.

Some Of the peculiar traits Of the
KurdS Of Asia Minor are described Y
a traveller: If it were possible to I'LL
agine two colors more distinct tha.l
black and white 1t would be possible
to imagine two characters more wide
ly differing than those Of the Arab ard
Kurd The pure Kurd is the most un-
sophisticated and gullible person In
the world so long as you keep away
from the material issues. His respect
for a man who can read and write Is
almost pitiGble. The Kurds are on the
whole blunt and somewhat uncouth.
silent and quite incapable Of false
hood. If they do wrong-and they of
ten do--they admit the fault In the
simplest and most unaffected way.
had a muleteer who was honest, civil
and incorrigibly idle. Did you ever
kill q manT I asked him one day.
Yes; sixteen on the KhaZat road
when I was a deserter from the army,
came the reply in voice absolutely
unmOved You were a robberr Yes.
but now. praise be to God, l am mar
Iicd and muleteer.'"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-12-13
Americas First Book.

The first book printed in America
was "The Eccale Espiritual Fara File
gar al Cielo'' Spiritual Ladder For
Reaching Heaven). 1t was printed in
the City of Mexico in the early part OF
1897 by Juan FablOs on q press
brought from Europe by Fra Julian de
Zumarraga, FIRST bishop Of Mexico. The
first attempt 1T newspaper in Amer
lea was tie N'ercurio Volante (Flying
Mercury. Mexico. 1893. The first In
dian school was founded in 1924. and
industrial schools for Indians date
back to 1913. Half a century before
our overland pony express was inau'
gurated there were regular monthly
mails the length OF Spanish-America-
from Paraguay to San Francisco, a
little matter Of $500 miles. M. A.
I.ambug in Scottdale Independent.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-12-13
The Wlirl.rr DerVishes.

Those spirits on tie hunt for "sensa-
tions" In CcH5ta1tiEOp!e will wish to
take in" the derviShCT. The whlrllng
elan have a convenient convent on the
Grand Rue, where their circumnaviga-
tions may be witnessed at 80 o'clock
on Friday evening for the admission or
10 cents. This weird performance per-
sonifics the solar system and Is exactly
ordered in all its phasea A. After pre-
llmlnary circuits of the ~ in single
file 10 the dlscorlant accompaniment
Of flute and tambourine the ro5ed and
hrbaned deryishes commence their
turning. With arms ou:s retched, the
right palm upward to beseech bless
lngs, the left depressed to signify mer-
cy bestowed. the head is bent upon the
right shoulder The rapid revolving
upon the right heel is effected by en-
ploying the left toes as motive power.
AS the circling accelerates, the long
white skirts diate until they stand out
stiff after the manner Of the attenuated
garment Of the premiere danseuse.
Very little space IS allotted to each
priest, and Il seems strange that there
are no collisions. The dance ceases In
an hour or so with the men exhausted.
Travel Magazine.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-12-13
4 oaded Ivory.


An ivory dealer uttered a cry O
rage.
Done again." he said. Done out o
$JOr'
And he laid aside one Of the tusk'
from the great heap that he had beer
examining
'It is ballasted with Lead" he said
That is n common Kongo trick. The
native when he gets a good big tusl
Of eighty pounds or 50 melts up ten OF
fifteen pounds OF lead and pours i
down into the tusks hollow. He oil.
II, so to speak, rs dentist fills
tooth.
1--WE dealers know the dodge, AID
every tusk Is gone over carefully FOL
a lead filling My new trader. though
IS rather careless, and this Is the sc
ond filed tusk that has been worked
off on him in the last quarter"
The dealers frown vanished. and ht
smiled
"Of course the trader and not vii
have 10 stand the loss,' he said.-Min
neapolis Journal.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-12-13
No Cheetarfield.

a Boston man was praising the late
Earl of DunmOre.
Lord Dunmore,7 he said, "was q
good man. Tall and robust and sup
pie. J con see him still with his short
gray beard and his kind face. His only
fault-a fault due to his aristocratic
upbringing. no dOubt-was the exag.
gerated value that he set upon correct
ness. He insisted in correctness in eat
ing. In dress. in everything.
"At dinner in Beacon street once ]
heard him tell a story about an incor-
rect self made man, or 'nOuveau richie,
as he called him. This man was dress
ing one night to go out. His wife bus.
tied into the room before he started to
look him over.
"'But. George she said reproach-
fully, aren't you going to wear your
diamond studs 10 the banQuetY
"'No. What's the useT George
growled My napkin would hide em
anyway. New Orleans States.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-12-13
a Thumb Shave.

"Pouce on cuiller-thumb or spoonY
says the barber, and / give violent
start"
The sailor, a little proud OF bis
French. looked about the room and
smiled easily. Then he went on:
81 kn6wcd them BARRIERS in the south
Of France wasn't up to much.
knowed their ways was queer. But
this spoon or thumb business was the
limit
"Quest ce qu'il y-wots thatr says
l. "WOt dye mean by thumb or spoonr
"And then that Tarascon barber told
me that IN his country in Shawn
lantern jawed men like me 1t was
customary TO plumb out the cheeks SOS
the razor could get holt by insertin' a
spoon or a thumb into the mouth and
pressin' from the inside.
81 said to go ahead and shave me
without either spoon or thumb. he
wouldn't do 1t, though, so I chose the
thumb. 1t looked more hyglenic. By
gosh, l can taste that there thumb
yet."-Los Angeles Times.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-12-13

The Maiden Insurance company Is
singular Denmark institution. 1t 10
confined to the nobility. and the noble
man. as soon as female child is born
TO him, enrolls her name on the com-
pany's books ant pays In a certain
sum and thereafter u fixed annual
amount TO the treasury. When the
young girl has reached the age OF
twenty-one she is entitled to a fixed
income and to an elegant suit OF apart
ments, and this income and this resi-
dence. both almost princely, are hers
until she either marries or dies. The
society has existed for generations. IL
has always prospered. Thanks to II.
poverty stricken old maids are un-
known among the Denmark nobility,
but every maiden lady Is rich and
happy.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-12-13
Proof of Brains.

Mr. Travers, the famous New Yorb
wit, once met at dinner 4 pompous
Englishman who was doing the
States. He had letters a-plenty attest
ing his importance-letters from Glad
stone, Dixie. Salisbury and Churchill
lie had talked everybody tired before
the dinner began. and Tyavers saw
visions OF a bad meal when he dis
covered the EEgiishlnan to be his
ne!ghbor at the table. There was new
or q stop in the fellows tongue. When
the oysters were brought on he be
gan: "NOw. ii is question as tC
whether or not the oyster has brains
Scientists dispute the idea" "T-t-t-they
certainly have some" retorted Traycrs
Your prcCf, Sirr' challenged the Brit
on, eager for argument. "W-wh-wh
why. sir. the o-O-oyster knows h-hah,
how 10 shut up
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-12-13


A lady residing in a quiet village IN
Suffolk used TO take an interest n 4
very aged couple who were spinning
out the last thread Of life ~ DARBY
and Joan" fashion, seated n either
side of their fireplace. She often PAID
them n visit to cheer them up. The cld
man had been alling. and at last q DAY
came when the visitor found only ole
chair occupied. Darby was na- in bis
usual place.
"Where is your husband"
"Well, mum, he be gone at last"
ooh, I'm SO sorry! That is very sad
for YOU" said the lady, seeking TO find
words Of consolation.
"Yes. mum, it be sad" replied the
old woman, "but. then, you see. he
were fearfully in the way Of the oven"
-Pearson's Weekly.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-12-13
Ton Much Sound.

In Dean Ramsay's book Of anecdotes
there is one which refers to conver-
sation between a Scotch minister and
A sexton. The minister was a stranger
to the gravemaker and discussed with
him the doctrines Of the neighboring
clergy. As one after another was med
toned the sexton wagged bis head
gloomily and said. Hes no sound"
At last the minister, who was. by the
bye. a long wInded and rather empty
preacher. mentioned his own name and
INQUIRED, "Mr. - now, isn't ne
sound"
100. aye" said the sexton, with a
twinkle I'm bis eye. Hes aw sound"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-12-13
Life of Leisure.

There are still few who are leisure
ly In their hours OF freedom, but wAat
about the old life OF leisure? 1t us Il
to be thought that such life was in
nocent and admirable and that good
fruit might come Of 1t. But nowat ays
the man who does nothing but edi
ate and observe and write little Is
nan condemned by the ordinary opin
;on OF society.-London Reader.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-12-13
Iha Phiiosophicnl Father.

The old man had finally succeeded
IN marrying of two Of his seven
daughters.
"Your girls have been blessings
said the officiating clergyman after
the double ceremony.
"Yes." the old man huskily assert
cd, "they are the sort OF blessings
that brighten as they take their flight"
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-12-13
rha Lady and Her DEG.

There arc any number of men who
would ask who you were talking to "
YOU hinted that they were not absolute
lv masters IN their own establishments,
vet these very men are often the slaves
OF their dogs. By the way. unless you
really want to make her your sworn
foe. don't whatever else you may say
or do, speak dlsparagingly OF lady's
dog. even II II Is the most unholy mon
greI that ever wagged tail.-Fry's
Magazine.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-12-13

An inland graduate camo to New
York 10 seek employment. Through a
friend he received an offer Of a place
as shipping clerk to a certain firm. In
reply he wrote as follows: II regret
that cannot accept your kind Offer
Of a position as shipping clerk, but the
fact Is that am always sick when on
the water."-Success Magazine.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-12-13
Har Rriha-

Unattractive Maiden Aunt-GOodby
Jottie. Come soon again. | hope you'll
forgive my not kissing you, but / have
an awful cold. Jottie (aged six)-Never
mind. Do kiss me, auntie. Mother
said she'd give me cents If I'd let
you.-Exchange.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1907-12-13
Why They Are So Clean.

"IIow Is II that French children are
so tidyT many foreigners in Paris In
quire. Because from the time they
understand an elementary sentence
II is dlnned into them that II Is very
WRONG to run fast, to fall or TO dirty
their dresses IN any way, and, above
ALL It IS awful to muss their hair. An
ordinary scene In the Bois is where
two children arrive IN their auto ac-
computed by Il nurse and n governess.
They che children are dressed in light
silk dresses and wear long white
gloves. They start to play ball. Every
time the bail touches the ground, which
happens once In awhile. the nurse
rushes up and wipes every bit OF
SIN. ycry carefully of tie ball before
/. 2; handed back 10 the children. Is
II wonder that their long gloves are
clean?-New York Post.