Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1907-02-22
AMERICAN WIT IN RETORT.
Examples From Debates on the Stump
or In Congress.

Examples From Debates on the stump
or In Congress.
William Shakespeare who codifed
our English speaking conversational
laws, made his admirably wise fool
Touchstone divide the more or less
pleasant custom of giving ones adver-
sary the lie into seven classes, ranging
from the Retort Courteous to the Lie
Direct. The field Of politics is more
prolific in famous instances of retort
than any other.
An Illustration OF the nimble and
caustic wit of Alexander H. Stephens
of Georgia in a senatorial debate oc-
Cured on the floor of the senate in a
heated argument with Robert Toombs,
also of Georgia Stephens, although
possessed of one Of the most powerful
brains of his time, was lame and had
a wizened little body. Tombs was one
of the largest men in the senate and
was of a clustering. spluttering type.
He had argued with Stephens until he
was hoarse and became so exasperated
that he threatened to fight. However,
consideration Of the size Of his oppo-
nent deferred him, and turning he said:
81 won't fight you, but 1 could swal-
low you whole" Stephens quickly re-
torted: "If you did you would have
more brains in. your stomach than you
ever had in your head
Gen. Charles H. Grosvenor Is the
hero of hundred wordy battles in the
house. He has a luxurious snow white
beard and caustic tongue. One day
William D. Vahdiver, now insurance
commissioner Of Missouri, launched in
to furious attack upon "the gentle
man from Ohio" and Champ Clark
innocently inquired: (which gentle
man from 0hio?" The Missourian
shook his finger at Gen. Grosvenor and
replied: 81 mean the gentleman from
Ohio who looks like Santa Claus and
talks like Satan" Grosvenor, white
with rage, shouted back: But my pic-
ture has never served as n warning on
poison pots in pharmacies" Vandiv-
er had such a thin face and bony
frame that he had been nicknamed
skull and crossbones."
The late Senator Ingalls, of Kansas
was attacking Gen. Mcclellan and
Gen. Hancock, two Federal generals Of
the civil war who were afterward
Democratic candidates for the presi-
dency. Senator Blackburn of Ken
lucky arose and interrupted: when
Gen. George B. Mcclellan was leading
the armies of his country and when
Gen. Winfield Scott Hancock lay
wounded by the enemy's bullets under
the flag Of his country the senator
from Kansas, in the capacity Of judge
advocate general, was prosecuting
non combatant Jayhawkers for rob-
bing henroosts.'
In the old days Tom Marshall and
one Graves were rival candidates for
congress in the Blue Grass region of
Kentucky. Marshall was an aristocrat.
Graves was the son Of cooper, and
he was always making an appeal to
the "peepul" by bOasting Of the hum
BILE occupation of his father. Marshall
found 1t was hurting his chances and
he decided to stop 1t by the Counter
check Quarrelsome. In reply to Graves
he said: my opponent boasts OF the
humble calling Of his father. For aught
I know his father may have been a
good cooper, but it is easy to see that
he put a mighty poor head on this
whisky barrel" clapping his hand on
| Graves's head.
Tennessee bred two great orators
in the olden days-Andrew Johnson, a
Democrat. once president Of the
| United States, and Gustavus A. Henry
Whig, known as the Eagle orator OF
the South" They ran against each
other for governor. and when a long
series Of Joint debates had reached Its
close Johnson addressed the Wings in
the audience: Il have spoken with the
boasted eagle orator from the Missis-
sippi river to the Unaka mountains
and as yet see no flesh in his talons or
blood on his beak." Quick as flash
Henry was on his feet saying: THE
American eagle is a proud bird and
feeds not on carrion."
Champ Clark, in speech on civil
service reform. told a story Of sharp
retort to an examination question pro-
pounded by the civil service board. A
man applying for a position to run an
elevator was asked: How many troops
did England send to the colonies dur
ing the Revolutionary war?" The re-
ply was: "A damn sight more than
ever went back"
Lemuel Eli Quigg and James Hamil-
ton Lewis. two of the most picturesque
men ever in congress, were having a
heated debate on the trust question.
Mr.. Quigg. who was from New York
was openly defending the trusts. AT
the close of one of his fiery periods j.
Ham, interjected with fine intonation:
For the OK knoweth his owner and the