davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1907-03-24

SEEMING MACHINES-s1 down, 50C A
week Rented, zoe a week: repaired, 800
up Also GraphOphOnes and Records sold
on easy payments. open evenings unus
e'0sA' pos..-,.., & CO.
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1907-05-30
PREFACE.

1T seems to me" said a philosopher
once, that there are no entirely good
men in the world and none completely
bad. Single out YOU best MAJ and
you will find that he lacks perfection
in some parts of him, and examine
your worst and you will find that he
has at least one redeeming quality"
In this book the men mostly verge
toward bad. but some are better thar
others. Because they are merely human
they act according to their lights. You
may meet others like them any day If
you go out and about. and most of them
give extremely good dinners. TIL they
are found out you consider them
amusing. Afterwards, being better
than they, o naturally set them
down as most pernicious scoundrels
and shake hands with yourself and
write to your tailor and order more
noticeable phylacteries on the next new.
suit. This is called Keeping up a
healthy moral tone and does a great
deal OF good in the world.
THE AUTHOR.
Scalloway. Shetland Islands, 1894.
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1907-05-30
Il he P1underers|
I BY c. !. CUTLIFFE HYNE. \


about most of his doings. This makes
people THOUGHTFUL and speculative. If
a Chinese eXtladition warrant Yves to
turh up tomorrow morning to arrest
iiiHi lot sucking up a w button man
dafln beyond the great wall, nobody
would be a bit surprised. or IL he were
10 tel me city this afternoon that he'd
a concession for q silver mine in Para
quay which he wished to dispose of at
reasonable rates we'd take it with
pleased equanimity. Now, you know,
Amy, there's a fearful Joy in enter.
tanning q man of that stamp"
Especially when he's as entirely
fascinating as Mr.. Cambel can be when
ne chooses. And such a waltzer! But
you speak as If he were a savage from,
some pack settlement come to decent
society for the first time. He isn't that
tinctly." '
MY dear girl, I never meant to sug-
gest that he was not. There's no par
tlcular secret about his raising. He.
comes OF a good west county family,
Was ar Elton boy and played in their
elcVen, Went through Cambridge and
afterWard found a berth in the diplo-
matte service. Then by way of variety
ne got engaged to be married to a girl
VINO gifted him, Tn the strength of
winch ne began to run Wild. He start
ed on six months leave for a trip into
obI nc stayed beyond the limits
OIL the postal system for two years and
a half, and when he got back to Eng
iand the diplomatic corps found that
tney could get on very we'll without
MIN. SO he continued his rambles. He
doesn't seem able to settle down."
mats because he can't forget the
girl who threw him over" exclaimed
Miss Rivers. Flow awfully romantic!
l wonder who she was. She couldn't
nave been anybody nice, or she would
MT lave done it, because he a regular
dear. n fancy his remembering her
all this time. I just love him for it,"
> Some fellows remarked Fairfax
judlciously, would get jealous il the
girl they We're going to marry talked
o another man this way"
MISS Rivers treasured him first prac-
tlcally and then in word. you goose"
said she, "if l care for him in that way,
don't you see I Shouldn't have spoken
about him to you at all?"
Fairfax did not answer directly. He
kissed her thoughtfully, and after
awhile he said: I'm not superstitious.
dear, as a general thing. Work in a
shipplnS Office tends to make one pain
fully matter Of fact. But for all hat I
wish this fellow Cambel would either
marry the queen, OF get crushed up In
a cab accident, or have himself safely
fastened down out Of harm's way
somewhere. I've got a foreboding.
Amy, that he's going to do a bad turn
either to you Or to me, which means
both of is. 1 know it's absurd. but
l can't get rid OF it,
How creepy!" said Amy Rivers.
But n nonsense, Hamilton!" ,
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1907-05-30
Nothing 1 Ate
Agreed With Me.
MRS. LENoRA BoDEYHAMER.

Mrs. Lenor Bodenhamer, r. e. d. L,
Box ~, kernersville, N. c., writes
II suffered with stomach trouble and
indigestion for some time, and nothing
that | ate agreed with me. | was very
nervous and experienced a continual
feeling of uReasiHess and fear. | took
medicine from the doctor, but it did me
no good.
Il found in one of your Pcrana books
a description of my symptoms. l then
wrote to Dr.. Hartman for advice. He
said had catarrh of the stomach. 1
took Peruna and Manalin and followed
ms directions and can now say that I
feel as we'll as l ever did.
Il hope that all who are afflicted with
the same symptoms will take Peruna, as
1t has certainly cured me-"
The above is only one of hundreds who
have written similar letters to Or.
Hartman. Just one such case as this
entities Peruna to the candid consider
alton of every one similarly afflicted. IL
this be true Of the testimony of one per-
son what ought to be the testimony Of
hundreds, yes thousands, of honest, sim
cere people? We have in our lilies a great
many other testimonials.
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1907-05-30
DIR. L CT o o
Pres. q Board of HeaIth.

Pres OF Board OF Health.
What shall | eat?' is the daily in
4uiry the physician Is met with.
DO not hesitate to say that In my judg-
nnent, q large percentage of disease Is
caused BY poorly selected and improp-
erly prepared food. Ny personal expe-
rience with the fully cooked food,
known IS Grape-Nuts, enabies me to
speak freelyo OF Its merits.
sFrom overwork, I suffered several
years with malnutrttion, palpitation 81
the heart, and loss of sleep. Las
summer was led to experiment per
sonally with the new food, which I
used III conjunction with good rich.
cow's milk. IN q short time after I
commenced It's use the d~isagreeabie
symptoms disappeared, my hearts ac-
ton became steady and normal. the
functions 81 the stomach were prop
erly carried out and 4 again slept as
eopndly and as we'll as IN my youth.
look upon Grape-Nnts as q perfect
80od and no one can gainsay but that
lt haaaasmost prominent place Ia q ia.
tionaA scientific system Of feeding. Any
ssS9e$Who uses this food viii soon be
8Econyinced Of the ~soundness OF the prIns
sa<S ne y which It Is manufactured
SSand may thereby know the facts al to
- Stsale xortlls Read. ssrhe Road 10
skeilyilie III nkgs There's i Rea.
Al
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1907-05-30
BABY lTcHED TERRIBLY,

face and Neck Covered with In,
famed Skfn-Doctors No Avail
Cured by Cuticura Remedies.
"My baby's face and neck were COW
cred with Itching skin similar to &C.
Eema, and she suffered terribly for
I'VE a year. I took her to a number
OF doctors, and also to different col
feges, to no avail. Then Cuticura
Remedies were recommended to me by
Miss c.. l did not use it at first,
as | had tried SO many other remedies
without any favorable results. At last
II tried Cuticura Soap, Cuticura Oint-
rnent and C%uticura Resolyent Pills, and
to my surprise noticed an Improvement.
After using three boxes Of the Cutia
cura Ointment, together with Cuticura
Soap and Pills. I am pleased to say
she is altogether a different child and
the picture of health. Mrs. A. G.
Brestlin, III N. Lincoln street, Chi
cago, Ill, Oct. 90 and 80, 1906"
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1907-05-30
No Need to Run.

~ III EAE EZE
Mrs. Clews-Parsons, whose daring book
on marriage has created SO much excite.
ment, said at a dinner In New York:
They who are happily married are
shocked at the idea OF trial marriages, but
they who are unhappily linked together,
and are yet too proud and sensitive to
yet a divorce, must see much in my idea
that Is OF value. How many marriages
would be dissolved II the dissolution could
be accomplished without shamel How
many married people feel toward each
other like a husband I heard Of the other
day.
"fle said to his wife at breakfast. crusti.
Gy:
I dreamed about you last night
did you dream2' she asked.
4 ii dreamed caught q chap running
away with you.
And what did you say to him?. sh,
inquired istlessly.
asked him what he was runninl
for I"
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1907-05-30
PALE, WEAK PEOPLE
MADE STRONG.AND ENERGETIC
BY DIR. WILLIAMS PINK PILLS.
General Breakdown Caused by Def1-
Gent Blood Quickly Corrected by
This Tonic Remedy.

A feeling Of general weakness. Door
appetite, loss Of breath after the slight
est exercise and broken sleep are some
of the symptoms. Of general debility.
Youmay thinkthat they have no relation
to each other and that you will WORRY
along, hoping all the time to feel better
soon. This is q mistake, for every n
OF the symptoms is caused byabad blood,
which must be maae pure and new
before health will berestored again. A
tonic treatment is necessary andfo this
purpose thereis NO better remedy than
DR.. Williams Pink Pills.
Mr.. J. q. Havey, Of 95 Willow ST.
Chelsea, Mass, says: 81 was sick for q
number of years from general debility
and indigestion. Twas neve free from
stomach trouble and my nerves were SO
shattered that the least excitement un-
ntted me Tor any serious work. NY
steep vas restless On account Of terrible
pains IN the small of my back. These
pains would sometimes last for a month
orJWo. Mysightgrew weak, there SEEM
ing TO be a blur constantly before my
eyes. lcouldn't concentrate nv mind
On my work; and the attempt to do 50
completely exhaustea.me.
81 was finally forced to give nm =
position ! had held for t~wenty-eight
years. After trying several medicines
without help, ] read of DR.. Williams,
Pink Pills and gave them q trial. They
made me feel SO much better and 50
much stronger that I started in business
for myself here in Chelsea. I have
never had q return Of my former sick
ness and cheerfuly recommend DR.. vii.
liams. Pink Pills as an excellent nerve
and blood tonic.'
Dr. Williams Pink Pills have long
been recognized rs an excellent tonic
remedy in cases of indigestion and zen
eral debility, where the stomach and
other organs of the body are weakened
INC disordered simply through lack Of
proper nourishment. They have also
been especially successful in curing
ansemia, rheumatism, after-effects Of the
grip and fevers.
A pamphlet on Diseases Of the
54ood and a copy Of our diet book win
ssted.
DR.. Williams Pink Pills are sold by
4 druggists, or sent, postpaid, on receipt
price, so cents per box, six boxes for
s.%5O, by the DR.. Williams Medicine
'onl-ny, Schenectady, N. Y.
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1907-05-30
Continued Next Week.)
A Tactful King.

AOlll III Ild5dZlilc.
The king of Italy was driving his motor
car in Rome one day, and. turning a corn
er at a rapid rate, he nearly colltded with
another motor car coming in the opposite
direction to himself.
He pulled up to apologize. and was
greeted with a storm of indignation, the
owner of the other car-an American
dressing him down in fine style. and wind
ing up:
sscorchers like you should be strung
ap.''
What. In front OF the palace, for ev-
eryone to see?" said his majesty. smiling.
DON'T care where!' roared the foreign
er, $50 long as it is done properly,
A few days after the latter, who was a
distinguished member Of American SO
ciety, was present at an audience at the
Quirinal given by the king.
The doors were thrown open, and, to his
amazement and horror, the American
found himself face to face with the motor
list he had SO lavishAy abused a few days
earlier. The tension was painful until the
king, smiling, advanced with outstretcsaed
saying:
Are all Americans as peppery as you,
Mr.. BIT"
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1907-05-30
His Absent pucal Mind.

From Harper's Weekly.
The grand duke of Saxe-Weimar. wis
ts the next heir to Queen Wilhelmina, is a
wealthy young prince, Is years of age, un-
married. and has, in Germany. a reputa-
ton for perpetrating bulls Once, while
visiting q public school, he noticed two.
boys Of striking similarity IN appearance.
Why. what a remarkable likeness!" he
exclaimed. These lads must surely be
twins!"
Yes. Your Royal Highness." remarked
the principal. and he beckoned the two
frightened youngsters to him.
'Ah," said the prince, placing his hand
on the head Of n of them. what e
your manner"
Heinrich,
fAnd how old are your
Six" answered the boy.
And you2" he said, turning to the other
lad.
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1907-05-30
ENTERTAINING the Queen.

The Princess de Montglyon, OF Paris,
who came to America to exhibit her beau
fiful and famous collies at several kennel
shows. said at a dinner in New York,
Apropos OF an embarrassment: THAT re-
minds mo of n story they have been tell
eng lately about Queen Alexandra OF Eng
tand. The Guards band was playing OH
She terrace at Windsor castle during
luncheon. and the queen was SO pleased
with a lively march that she sent a maid
OF honor to inquire what 1T was. The maid
OF honor blushed deply as she answered on
her return: leone Where the Booze Is
Cheaper your majesty"
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1907-05-30
Riverside Repartee.

From Harper's Weekly.
The lone fisherman was having miserable,
luck, and the presence of a small boy die
not contribute to his amiability. TIL,
youngster seemed greatly interested as tn,
man impaled a struggling worm on
hook.
What yer fishin' fer? !" Inquired the boy
"Sardines," retorted the fisherman, tes
tily.
HUH" grunted the youngster, edgina
away. THAT crooked thing on tn end Of
yer line wouldn't take no prize in a can.
opening contest"
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1907-05-30

! MORE OR LESS HUMOROUS. :

The Conductor.
He saw me coming. on the tear.
IAN aboard."
He timed the starting of the car.
So l would get the greatest jar,
And cried in accents j~ocular.
+! IAN aboard!"
He gently mur.nured in my ear,
Fares, pleased"
In tones monotonous and drear,
! Fares, pleased"
Ills sense of honesty was dead:
He gave me all my change in lead,
when l waxed indignant said,
Fares, please!'
He took his stand upon my feet
Don't crowd!'
You can't get three in one mans seat
Don't roWd!!
He allowed my digestion fiat.
put his finger through my hat
Md Srowled, b careful what you're at
Don't crowd!"
Judge.
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1907-05-30

To be IN good terms with human ma
ture, Be Well! Garfield Tea purifes the
blood, eraaicates disease, regulates the
digestive ersans and brings Good Healthl
Manufactured by Garfield Tea Co.,
Brooklyn, N. Y. Sold by druggists
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1907-05-30
On the SAFE Side.

DR.. Seward Webb, at dinner at Shell
urn Farms, his great Vermont estate,
laid of q poor marllsTnan:
Visiting his English brother-in-law, he
shot the head keeper in the leg the first
morning he tried pheasant shooting. The
mar limped away, cursing horribly.
Next day he had wretched luck, though
the wounded head keeper, without malice,
had assigned him to a fairly good place.
Bang, bang, bang went his gun every few
seconds, butinot a bird fell before it. He
was much embarrassed. 1t seemed, too,
that at each of his misses the under keep
ers smiled at one another oddly.
FINALLY his cartridges gave out. He
hurried to the nearest keeper and de-
marded more.
There amt no more, sir" the man
answered.
mo more? Nonsense. Why, you've
got at least a thousand in that box
THE keeper flushed and stanlfnered:
"Ah. but them amt for you, sir.
They're for another gent. They've got
hot in 'em. sir"
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1907-05-30

In Goldfel dthe other day a deputy
sheriff's pistol was 1erked out of his
pocket by the r~estiveness OF the horse
he was riding and fell in the road. The
horse stepped IN it TN SO discharged a
cartridge, the bullet from which killed
q girl who was passing or the sidewalk.
It cut her jugular vein.
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1907-05-30
GOWN OF sPANIsHIAcE

Elegant frocks of silk Spanish lace,
dyed in dainty colors, are among the
latest vagaries of fashion and are ex-
stremely beautiful. They are built over
chiffon yelled satin or taffetas and
trimmed with quantities Of shirred
chiffon or net which are very soft and
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1907-05-30

Many Elk lodges In the west have
adopted President R~oosevelt's sugges-
ton and decided to abandon the elk's
tooth emblem. Many Montana men
have been collecting elk's teeth for
years and holding them for e. rise. One
man at Billings, Mont. has thousands.
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1907-05-30
Final.

from Meggendorfer Blaetter.
do you know that I am soon to be en-
gagged to Mr.. Hubert"
rs that 50? Has he spoken to youl
mother?'
NO. but my mother has spoken to
him."
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1907-05-30
Skenticai

Ason OF the Emerald Isle, on landing AZ
a wharf In New York. saw lying there a
huge anchor. Fol the next three DAYS he
stood by watching the anchor. "Whaf ara
you doing here?" asked a workman ore
day. Sure. sor." was the reply. II want
to see the man who can handle that pick
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1907-05-30
A Warming.

If you have any room left in your tool
box, be sure and fill it with money. You
can, on an auto tour, get along without
anything but money. If there is any
doubt about this, throw the tools away.
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1907-05-30

The French war department is n
gagged In making out lists Of motor We
hicles which may be regarded as avail
able in case Of war. The automobiles
to h carrying capacity. The census
includes the public service vehicles.
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1907-05-30

NIT. vlnslow..s SOOTHING s1aup rpr childres
fosthing; softsns tho gums, reduces innaumction al.
aye pain. cures wind collie. 25 cent? q bottle.
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1907-05-30
The jolly testers.

IIdip pei > Y" tehly. f.
Mr.. Middleman, ah desires to PROFOUND a
question:"
Very well, Mr.. Tambo."
Why do dey designate dat beautiful
southern vegetable as an walermelon?"
That's easy. Because it makes your
mouth water
"Nowhar near de answer. It's called ah
watermelon becase yo' cut it in de spring."
"Speakin' OBJ de spring reminds me-"
broke in the other end-man. Ma ole dad
dy went out to git some water one day an
he done fell in ah spring."
Was he drowned?"
"He warn't zactly drowned, but it done
killed him.
That's TRANCE. He fell in the spring
and was killed?'
"Yessail."
"But he wasn't drowned?"
mo, sah."
Well, did he die in the SPRING."
NO sah;. he died in de fall"
Our golden-voiced tenor, Mr.. Vic. Lett
Will eontribute~that heart-touching ballad
entitled. Warden, Brush Those Locks
Away; l Yearn for Liberty"
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1907-05-30
Imperative

The Simple One-Going away for yotr
healthl Why. that is very sudden. Does
your doctor recommend itf
The Wise One-No. my lawyer.
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1907-05-30
Not a Gold Pocket.

from the Cleveland Leader.
President Stillman, of the National Cit,
bank of New York, was born in Texas,
but is a %clean-cut Yankee from Connecti-
cut. AS president Of the National City
bank he is almost as powerful as the
Rothchilds are in Europe.
Said one Of his intimates recently:
,Ihere are no fireworks about Unjust
pain ordinary get there. And he carries
the queerest lot Of truck In his pockets.
One day some Of us made him turn out
his collection.
He had a couple Of %penknives, a buck
eye, a shoe-buttoner, a rabbit foot, W.
or three rubber bands, a silver pencil, a
bunch of keys, a cigar puncher, a gold
seal, a memorandum book, an elevated
railroad ticket, some theater passes, three
safety pins. a@box Of matches and a news.
paper clipping"
You haven't mentioned money"
Money? Why. the man didn't have a
cent
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1907-05-30
-
At a Bazaar

'N q OoLddIs
DR.. Hollis b. F~'rtssell, the learned prin.
cipal of the famous Hampton institute, in
the course of an eloquent appeal, smiled
and said:
But l must not lose my head. I must
not fleta emotion run away with me. I
must not be like the young lady at the
bazaar.
This young lady hesought an elderly
man to take q chance en- q meerschal1m
pipe.
Thank you,' the old man said; I'd
be glad to take a chance; but unfortunate
ly I don't smoke
"'Oh. but you can learn, said the young
lady. Come, take a chance, do! It's only
a quarter
No said he. Tobacco doesn't agree
with me. I'D have no earthly use for that
meerschaum pipe
Take . chance, anyway. pursued the
young lady. There isn't the slightest
know
Mark Twain Observed the Scripture
From Iippfncott's.
In the Iowa town where Mark Twain
used to reside the following story of him
is Observation-Disclosures about:
One morning wheniheswas busily at work
an acquaintance dropped in Upon him.
with the requeststhat he take a walk, the
acquaintance having an errand on a pleas
ant country road.
How far is it?" %temporized Mark
Twain.
Oh about a mile" replied the friend.
Instantly the humorist gathered his pa
pers together, laid them aside and pre-
pared to leave his desk.
0 course / will co." he announced:
"the bible says I must
why. h in the world has the bible
got to do with it, asked the puzzled
friend.
1T distinctly commands answered Mr..
Clemens, IF a man ask thee to go with
him a mile, go withshim, Twain'!"
The Bright Side.
w j. Oliver, the lowest bidder for the
construction of the Panama canal, said Of
a contract that a friend had lost:
.Oh, well, there's a bright side to every
thing. Had YOU gotten this contract, you
might have lost money on 1t. All things
have their bright side. 1t Is like the case
of the rejected sutton.
".Ch. Mabel the youth moaned, bury
Ing his face in hts hands after his rejec-
ton. male 1t easier for me to bear, can't
you, dear?'
Yes. VIII Mabel gently answered.
i snore terribly
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-12-12
COTTON REGA|NS
 LOSSES ON REPORT Opening Is At An Advance
 and Prices Ease Off
RECOVERY IS SUBSTANTIAL
Reports of Firmness In Spot Market and the Fact That Farmers Are Still Holding the Staple
 Aid the Advance.

New York; December 1.-The cotton market recovered part of yesterdays loss during today's trading with the close steady, at a net advance of Il to IS points; sales were estimated at 450, GOO bales. The market opened steady at an advance of { to 15 points on better Liverpool cables than expected, and private advices stat ing that the British authorities did not consider yesterdays decline in New York warranted by the bureau. But while there was heavy selling by Wall street people on the call, local operators thought they could see evidences that the big long lines were being liquidated and selling became general right after the opening with prices declining to Q net loss of P to 13 points on the active months. This carried the market under the lowest point of yesterday and repre- sented break of about 75 points from the nigh level of last Saturday. Many traders thought this decline too violent and w4~l private reports from the south indicating that while some hedged cotton was for sale at concessions, farmers were re- fusing to accept a lower level, there was a good deal of buying during the middle session and in the afternoon the market turned firm on covering and better sup rort from local operators, who are credit ed with having sold out their long lines to Wall street people on the advance of last week.
 Southern spot markets officially reported were unchanged to 7-16c lower. The close was at practically the best prices of the day.
 Receipts at the ports today 7l,Ss7 bales, against 52,903 bales last week and 62,265 bales last year.
 For the week 365,00O bales, against 312,- 452 bales last week and 41i,15l bales last year.
 Today's receipts at New Orleans 27,3}7 bales, against 2i,74s last year.