davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1907-11-02

Alike, Yet In Many Ways Fundament-
ally Different.

Wit and humor are such elemental
fundamental things that it has always
been found Sffficult to analyze them,
says a writer in The Atlantic. Upon
some points, however, those who have
essayed this puzzling task agree, for
they all hold that wit is an intel
lectual, humor an emotional, quality;
that wit is a perception of resem-
blance, and humor a perception of
contrast, Of discrepancy, Of incongru-
ity. The incongruity is that which
arises between the ideal and the fact,
between theory and practice, between
promise and performance; and per-
haps it might be added that it is al
ways or almost always a moral in
congruity. In the case both of wit
and humor there is also pleasurable
surprise, geSte shock, which ac-
companies our perception of the hith-
erto unsupported resemblance or in
congruity. A New England farmer
was once describing in the pres
ence of very humane person the
great age and debility of horse that
he formerly owned and used you
ought to have killed him." interrupt
ed the humane person Indignantly.
We'll" drawled the farmer I'VE did
almost rs(
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1907-11-02
BABY WASTED TO SKELETON.
I'm Torments with Terrible Sores on
Face and Body-Torc at Flesh
Cured by Cutcura.

"My little son, when about year
and half old began to have sores
come out on his face. They began to
come on his arms, then on other parts
of his body, and then one came on his
chest, worse than the others. At the
end of about a year and half Of suf-
fering he grew SO bad l had to tie his
hands in cloths at night to keep him
from scratching the sores and tearing
the flesh. He got to be a mere skele-
ton and was hardly able to walk.
sent to the drug store and got cake
of Cuticura Soap and box Of Cuticura
Ointment, and at the end Of about two
months the sores were all well. He
has never had any sores of any kind
since, and only for the Cuticura REM
edies my precious child would have
died from these terrible sores. 1 used
only one cake of Soap and about three
boxes of Ointment. Mrs. Egbert Shell
don, r. F. ID. No. 1, Woodville, Conn.,,
April %, 1906"
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1907-11-02
Man Whose Memory Was Bad.

For more than an hour a witness
for the defense had lodged questions.
His faulty memory was particularly
exasperating for the counsel for the
plaintiff, who was seeking to recall
to the witness recollection an event
of four of five years previous. Event
ually the man remembered some
thing about it,"
"Ah," continued the lawyer for the
plaintiff, what id you think Of 1t
at the timer"
Really" said the witness, speak
ing before the lawyer for the defense
had time to interpose objection, lit
was so long ago l can't recall exactly
what / thought of it,"
"Well," shouted the cross-examin-
er, excitedly, ''if you can't recall, tell
us what you thiAk now you thought
then"
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1907-11-02
GIVING HIM A CHANCE.
Surely Time for Hubby to Do Live.
Iy Sidestep.

Mrs. Wilson's husband was often
obliged to go to New York on bust.
ness, and frequently did not reach his
home until the arrival Of the midnight
train. Mrs. Wilson had been in the
habit of sleeping peacefully at these
times without fear but number OF
burglaries in the neighborhood during
one of her husbands trips to New
York had disturbed her calm.
On the night Of his return Mr.. Will
son was stealing carefully up the
front stairs, as was his wont on such
occasions, so that his wife would not
be Weakened, when he heard her voice,
high and strained:
II don't know whether you are my
husband or a burglar" came the ex-
cited tones, "but / am going to be on
the safe side and shoot, SO if you are
Henry you'd better get out of the
way."-Youth's Companion.
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1907-11-02
THE KISS IN JAPAN.
One Western Idea That Is Popular
with Eastern Maidens.

She was Japanese college student,
little and thin, but very graceful in
her Paris gown.
"The KISS" she said, blushing faint
ly, was unknown in Japan so years
ago. Now, among the aristocracy, it
is becoming quite renowned.
'Yet it comes as a great shock at
first. 1t is so different, you know,
from anything in Japanese girls ex-
perience. / have known maidens who
tainted at first kiss that was per-
haps too warmly rendered. Yet these
very maids became afterward ardent
advocates of tho new western en-
brace
Frankly, like the kiss myself. It's
stimulus, and the feeling, as of red
satin, when mouth touches mouth
with warm, soft shock-yes, frank
ly, / like the kiss, and l find it eX-
tremely difficult to deny an eager
young man so innocent and so delight.
lightful an embrace.
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1907-11-02
SEEK TO WIN SOLDIERS.
Russian Girls Risk Life for the Cause
of Liberty.

when the university opened last
autumn l started to work again
among the, soldiers" said the young
woman. "As you know, the revolu-
tionists are at present working very
hard to win over the army, and one
of the means is to talk freedom di-
rectly to the soldiers. For this girls
have been found to be more effective
than men; the young peasant soldiers
are more willing to listen to girls,
and are far reader to protect them
from arrest. So all over Russia hun
dreds and hundreds Of girls are now
nightly meeting with groups of SOL
diers, in working mems homes and in
barracks. To go into barracks and
talk revolution to the soldiers, hard
ly anything is so dangerous-for the
girl caught is tried by court-martial
and in a day or two is executed
From Leroy SCOTS Interview with a
Russian Woman, in Everybodys.
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1907-11-02
A REAL "HOss" RACE.
Country Fair the Place to See II at
Its Best.

If you would see a horse strap
ped, booted, braced and geared to
the limit, you must seek such a
track as you see at the old-time
country fair. Here comes an awk-
ward flea-bitten gray which never
went under $3.50 in his life. He is
hobbled and checked and goggled, and
hitched up sidewise, lengthwise and
crosswise until there is more har-
ness than horse. You wonder how
his driver ever got him into this rig
ging, and how he will get him out
again without cutting him free with
a jackknife. A farmer with Il
gray beard and twinkling eye OBJ
serves to his neighbor:
Last time John Martin had that
plug out on the road l told him he
had the old cripple overloaded with
Observation-Disclosures. Them straps
that was callated to hoist up his
knees must ha' pulled too tight and
the critter was yanked clean off the
ground. What John was gettin'
ready for was race for flynn ma
chimes, not a oss From 1.-THE
Country Fair" by David Lansing. in
Outing.
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1907-11-02
Saw Il Come Out of a Cow.

A little city boy and his sister Dor
othy were taken to the country for
the first time.
The two children were happy as
the day was long. In the late after
noon they watched the COWS come
home, heard with delight the tink-
ling cow-bells, and the little boy
even went in the barns to see the
milking done.
At supper, just as Dorothy was
lifting her glass to her rosy lips, the
boy cried out:
"Oh, Dorothy, don't! You mustn't
drink that milk. It's not fit to drink.
1t came out of a COW. i saw It'll"
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1907-11-02
RHEUMATISM RECIPE
PREPARE SIMPLE HOMEMADE
MIXTURE YOURSELF.
Buy the Ingredients from Any Drug
gist In Your Town and Shake
Them in a Bottle to
Mix This.

A well-known authority on Rheu-
matism gives the readers of large
New York daily paper the following
valuable, yet simple and harmless
prescription, which any one can easily
prepare at home:
Fluid Extract Dandelion, one-half
ounce; compound Kargon, one ounce;
Compound Syrup Sarsaparilla, three
ounces.
Mix by shaking we'll in bottle, and
take a teaspoonful after each meal
and at bedtime.
He states that the ingredients can
be obtained from any good prescrip-
ton pharmacy at small cost, and, be-
ing a vegetable extraction, are harm
less to take.
This pleasant mixture, If taken reg
ularly for few days, is said to over
come almost any case of Rheumatism.
The pain and swelling, if any, .dimin-
ishes with each dose, until permanent
results are obtained, and without in
juring the stomach. While there are
many so-called Rheumatism remedies,
patent medicines, ETC., some of which
do give relief, few really give perma-
nent results, and the above will, no
doubt, be greatly appreciated by many
sufferers here at this time.
Inquiry at the drug stores Of even
the small towns elicits the information
that these drugs are harmless and can
be bought separately, or the druggists
will mix the prescription If asked to.
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1907-11-02

Mr.. MaIaprop Just Home from Romes
A regular Mr.. Malaprop recently
came home from his first visit to Eu-
rope. He grew enthusiastic about
Rene.
1T was fine," he declared, ito go
into them churches over there and
see the old tombs-cigarrophagusses,
they call 'em. And then the Six
teen chapel is great, and as for the
Vaccination, where the pope lives.
WE'LL"
But his stock of compliments give
out when he got to the subject Of
beggars.
Il always refused them pennies"
he said, because, you see, 1 didn't
want to set bad prestige!"
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1907-11-02
Bible Names for Colts.

A hostler from the Blue Grass has
just found employment in one Of the
stables of New York man. His
darby dialect is so quaint and his
stories of "Ole Kaintuck" so unique
no member of the household misses
an opportunity to speak to him and
have him say a word
His employer said to him few
days ago: Il suppose your mas
ter down south had good many
horses?"
dat we did, sab, dat we did! And
my ole master had 'em all name
Bible names. Faith, Hope and Char
ity, Bustle, Stays and Crinoline, was
all one Springs colts!"
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1907-11-02
A Younu COMPOSER.

Rachel, aged II, wrote an compo-
sition on wild flowers in which she
praised the arbutus, the liverwort,
the spring beauty, the blood root, and
all of the other blossoms of dell and
dale. But she wrote on both sides
of her sheet of paper, and when she
asked her father, who was an editor,
to publish her article, he called her
attention to that fact.
you've written on both sides Of
your paper" said he.
WELL" was the reply, "and don't
you print on both sides of yours?"
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1907-11-02
Didn't Need Cyclopedias.

The canvasser for cyclopedia
came to the home of colonel, whose
record he had carefully studied be-
fore his visit. The colonel was es-
pecially proud of some of his sons,
so the canvasser began with:
Those are very fine boys of yours,
colonel"
"They are" replied the colonel.
81 reckon you are ready to buy any
thing those boys want?"
II am So" said the father Of the
fine boys.
well, then, let me sell you this
cyclopedia. There's nothing will do
your sons so much good
But the>-colonel looked at him
aghast. why, them lads of mine
don't need any cyclopedia. They ride
muleSi"
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1907-11-02
Not a Hit as an Improvlser.

did you ever hear anybody impro-
vise?" he asked.
NO." said she, and he sat down to
the piano and improvised for about an
hour and a half. At the end of that
time he turned around, his face full
of expression, and said to her:
What do you think of it?"
Lovely" she exclaimed. "Beauti-
full! l never heard anything like it,"
But this is what she said tc the hall
boy when he was gone:
IF that long, lank lunatic who i'm
him / am out"
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1907-11-02
Excusable.

81 suppose" remarked the coy widow,
marriages."
"Oh, yes, l am" replied the scanty
haired bachelor.
"Then," continued the c. W., "why
is it you are still a bachelor?"
That's quite another matter" an
riages / believe in are early ones, be-
cause there is some excuse for youth
full follies."-Chicago News.
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1907-11-02
Cats as PLAQUE Preventive.

An Italian correspondent of tho
North China Daily News writes: The
newspapers have latterly been full OF
all sorts of suggestions for the stamp
ing out of plague. For instance, never
kill rats; If you do the fatal rat flea
may be driven to feed on you. Also,
compel each householder to keep
cats. In fact, let the cult of the cat
as it prevailed in ancient Egypt be re-
vived in India. Plenty of cats, no
rats"
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1907-11-02
Deafness Cannot Be Cured

by local applications as they cannot reach the dis
eased portion of the ear There is only one way to
Deafness and that is by constitutional remedies
Deafness is caused by an iniamed condition Of the
mucous lining of the Eustachian Tube. When this
tube is inhamed you have rumbling sound or i'm.
perfect hearing, and when IL is entirely closed De-
Is the result and unless the Inflammation be
taken out and this tube restored to its normal cond
ton, hearing will be destroyed forever; nine
out OF ten caused by Catarrh, which is nothing
but an inflamed condition OF the mucous surfaces.
We will give One Hundred Dollars for any OF
Deafness Caused by catarrh) that cannot be cured
by Halls Catarrh Cure. Send for circulars, free.
f. j. CHENEY g. CO., Toledo, o.
Sold by Druggists, 75c.
Take Halls Family Pills for constipation.
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1907-11-02
What's In a Name2

"Old Amy, you know, who is famous
for being arrested, has been sent to
Jail again. But as she weighs nearly
300 pounds and is a good fighter, it
took nearly all the reserve force to get
her in the wagon"
"Then the magistrate who sent her
to Jail ought to be arrested, too"
why SOP"
Didn't he commit big Amy?"-Bal.
timore American.
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1907-11-02

spells. For ten years could not do
housework, and for two years did not
get out of the house. The Kidney Sc
cretions were irregular, and doctors
were not helping me. Doan's Kidney
Pills brought me quick relief, and
finally cured me. They saved my life"
Sold by all dealers. so cents a box.
Foster-Millburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1907-11-02
One Symptom.

Jaw, tell you, Pettyville gifts more
and more metropolitan every day!"
triumphantly declared the landlord of
the tavern, who was swollen with To-
cal pride.
'Eh-yah!" pessimistically replied
the patent-churn man, who happened
around every now and again. II reck-
on you're right. The streets are dirtier
Avarv time I come Puck
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1907-11-02

from kidney trou-
bles. My back panied
me terribly. Every
turn or move caused
sharp, S h 90 tt n g
pains. My eyesight
was poor, dark spots
appeared before me,
and l had dizzy
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1907-11-02
Well Qualified.

$50 you want the position of adj
vance agent for our circus?" inter
rogated the manager. well, we need
a man who can stir up some life
everywhere he goes" That's me,
boss" fastened the applicant Had
any experience in stirring up life?"
you bet! uscI to drive a street
sweeper and stirred up millions of
germs every day."
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1907-11-02
Peculiar Ice Cave.

A summer attraction in Colebrook,
N. H., is the "ice cave" in Dixville
notch. This cave is formed by fis-
sure in the ledge of the mountain
that fills with snow in winter, and is
protected from the suns rays at all
seasons.
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1907-11-02
Reacon This Out,

An English quarryman was charged
with assaulting one of his mates, and
when the case was carried into court,
an eyewitness of the occurrence gave
some curious evidence
He TUX pick an he TUX a pick"
the witness began, IAN he hit him
wild his pick, an he hit him wild his
pick; an If he'd hit him wild his as
hard as he hit him wild his, he'd have
near killed him, and not him him."
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1907-11-02
Bush Over Buried Treasure.

There is a tradition in, Germany
that it was customary in tie Middle
Ages to put an elderberry plant over
buried treasure. A farmer at Oels-
dorf while blowing close to such
bush unearthed a vessel containing
1900 silver coins of the eleventh GEN.
tury.
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1907-11-02

He is great who confers the most
benefits. e is base-and that is the
one base thing in the universe-to re-
ceive favors and render none.-Emer-
son.
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1907-11-02
TEN YEARS OF PAIN.
Unable to Do Even Housework Be.
cause Of Kidney Troubles.

Mrs. Margaret Emmerich, of Clin-
ton St., Napoleon, o., says: For
fifteen years I was a great sufferer
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1907-11-02

A woman has lost her chief attrac-
ton for a man when he ceases to won
der what she will do next
The Washington herald., 1907-11-26
ART OBJECTS SOLD
David Warfeld a Bidder at
Stanford Whites Sale.
SUIT OF ARMoR BRINGS S24O
Prof. BashfOrd. Dean of CoIum bia
University, the Purchaser-Bidding
Is Spirited, and Total Of S2.27S IL
Reached for the Days Proceeds.
Actor Gets Carved Chair.

New York. Nov. 25.-At to-day's session
Of the Stanford White sale al the Amer
lean Art Galleries, Prof Bashford. dean
Of Columbia University, helped bid up a
suit of armor 10 $40. and then. figura-
lively speaking. walked away with Il. Il
was the biggest individual sale of the day.
Mr.. White paid $3.50 for the armor at the
Heber r Bishop sale few years ago.
This sale is called Supplementary
one. Many Of the objects we're selected
Tor Stanford Whites own use and others
were intended for use in homes he might
be called 10 design.
David Warfeld came early TO the sale.
The very first thing offered. a miniature
chair carved and gilded. Mr. WarfeId ap-
propriated at 81. From then on the bid
ing at Auctioneer Kirby's behest was spir-
tied. and when the session closed the sat
isfactory total of $7,Z7S had been reached.
The Washington herald., 1907-11-26
DINING CARS BESTEGED.
Crowds of North CaroIInianS Seeking n
Drink Become Il Nuisance.

Special % The Washington Herald
Richmond, Va. Nov. 25.-The peregrina-
tons Of the thirsty in the good old North
Carolina State which recently has tight
ened up considerably in its manner OF re-
stricting the downward flow of ardent
spirits have attracted widespread atten-
tion among railroad people and compelled
them 10 take steps to fight Off the dry
throated contingent who use their trains
in search Of booze.
As a consequence Of THE liquor-hunting
activity, the dining cars on the Seaboard
Air Line trains running from New York
and Norfolk will hereafter sell no whisky
while passing through North Carolina.
This decision was almost absolutely nee
essary, for when the trains reached Tar
Heel territory they were inundated bv
arid-throated souls, who made for the
dining car and Tapped up everything they
could in the way Of intoxicants.
The schedules were closely studied and
SO rapidly did the habit increase IN popu-
larity that the crowds finally got to be a
nuisance. and so it has all resulted in a
decision on the part Of the corporation to
suspend business in it's moving saloons.
and thus force the thirsty to hunt else
where for their booze
The Washington herald., 1907-11-26
IDENTIFIES WRONG MAN.
Hotel Clerk Makes Amusing Mistake
at LefOrt COurf-martiaI.

New York. Nov. 25.-At the trial to-day
by a coUrt-martaI on Governors Island
OF Lieut. Allan Lefort. for obtaining
money from loan brokers by forging the
names OF and impersonating his brother
officers. James A. Rooney. "a clerk in the
Grand Union Hotel, startled the court by
Identifying one OF them. Col Albert C.
Blount Of the Coast Artillery command
ing at Fort Schuyler. as Lefort.
After Rooney had testified that he had
handed 10 a man, who said he was Col
Hodges. a dccoy letter supposed 10 con-
tain $i6oo. from Iosn broker in West
Virginia, had made a sign 10 the de-
tectives waiting IN the lobby that the
man was the person they wanted and
had seen them arrest him. he was asked
il he could pick out the man from among
officers present. After some hesitatiou
Rooney pointed at Col Blouut. and said:
THAT officer looks like the man 20
whom gave the letter"
The answer set the table in a roar Col.
BlOunt is gray-haired and wears mus
tache. and Lieut.. Lefort is smooth-shaven
and much younger than the colonel Roo
ncy turned red. then be was asked to try
again. and pointed oIt the prisoner.
The trial viii go on Tomorrow.
The Washington herald., 1907-11-26
JUDGE And ATTORNEY CLASH
Spectators at Carey Trial in Phila-
delphia Fairly Electrified.
Physician TestifieS that Children for
Whose Death Mother Is on Trial
Died of Poison.

Philadelphia. Nov s5-Their faces set
and white with anger. Judge. Norris s.
Barrett and Assistant District Attorney
William A. Gray. who is prosecuting Mrs.
Bridget Carey, charged with the murder
OF eight persons, including her two chill
dren, faced each other this afternoon in a
scene that fairly electrified the spectators
At the end the judge said that he would
take action against Mr.. Gray when the
trial ended
Dr. William Wadsworth, coroner's phy-
sician, had been on the stand for two
hours and a half He was about to leave
the stand when Mr.. Gray asked another
question.
Judge Barrett moved impatientIy
Il can't allow this" he said. You have
had plenty Of opportunity to ask all the
questions necessary.
Il think said MIR. Gray. icily. that
your honor owes the commonwealth the
same fair treatment you have given the
counsel for the defense.
II don't know what YOU mean by that
remark, Mr.. Groy." said Judge Barrett.
You owe an apology TO the court. sir
Il think not, sir, returned the lawyer.
sharply.
I think so. sir"
Il think not, sir"
Again there was a brief silence. which
was broken by the judge who said:
Il Will consider this question after this
case has been dfsDOsed of
When court was adjourned Mr.. Gray
turned 10 the judge and asked:
Did / understand your honor TO say
that court was adjourned?"
Judge Barrett turned his back on the
lawyer and walked out without reply.
That the Carey children died OF an
irritant poison received into their bodies
a short time before their death was tcsti-
fed by Dr. William 5. Wadsworth
The Washington herald., 1907-11-26
MEXICAN LEPER CURED.

millionaire Returns from Treat
ment I'm Europe Perfectly Well.
Fl Paso, Tex. Nov. 25.-Juan Bringas
the Guaymas, Mex. millionaire ieper. who
year and half ago went 20 Europe
seeking a cure after al efforts in Amer
lea had failed, returned through here to-
day perfectly we'll in the private car Of
Vice President Ramon Corral, Of Mexico.
and accompanied by four of Mr.. Corrars
daughters. who will visit him at his coun-
try home. near Guaymas.
He Travelled alone when he left here for
Europe. and had to pay for the furnish
ings of stateroom on the steamer so
they could be destroyed before he could
book passage
The Washington herald., 1907-11-26
GIRL is ASSASSIN'S VICTIM.
Miss Ella Pryor Called 10 the Door
of Her Home and Slain.

Special 10 The Washington Herald
Charlotte. \. C. Nov. 25.-with a dozen
buckshot fred into her head and breast 1t
close range. Miss Ella Pryor. seventeen
years old, living with her aged mother
and sister twenty miles from here. feH
back into the front door Of the little
country home tonight the victim of an
assassin
The family were sitting about the fire
after dark, when a voice outside called
near the door. 4 younger sister answered
and mans voice asked to see Miss
Ella, YO. thinking it was one of her
admirefs, answered the call
Just as she threw open the door. the
assassin fired. and the girl fell inside the
house dead.