Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1907-04-17

yers and Preachers" which he gave &
q good looking audience of 2lO0 in the
Academy OF Music in Philadelphia Sun
day night
"Theie is oothing permanent bu
change"
doctors charge S5 to $500 for SINH
lar services; lawyers take all you've gol
and clergymen live on tips"
according 10 common report, there
arc three Learned professions'- -miscall'
ed, because much Of what they know II
not true-and one OF them doesn't pay
full fare on the railroads yet. The
preacher rides on child's ticket, but
his childishness doesn'i consist 10 the
! size OF his body. It's his mentality" "
"We believe in The thing that is "a
| our interest TO believe in. ="
ain a lawsuit, both sides always lose
TO tho lawyers -
"Hop-tea is all right unless you get II
from Milwaukee"
'tHalf the business OF every lawyer Is
| to show us how to evade the law"
ain this country only one man out Of
every FIVE believes in the Christian re-
ligion, vet the fonI-fiths are taxed 20
pay for a religion they don't believe"
"Did you ever notice that the Chris
ian religion and The Christ'religion are
totally different things? The religion OF
Christ has never been practiced, but /
believe we are on The verge OF 10 right
now"
Zone horseshoe is q sign OF good
lnck, but a wagon load of hOIseshOes is
junk.
''Ths trouble with some peoples
health IL that they give the wood-pile ab'
sent treatment.
"The best doctors nowadays are those
who give the least medicine and charge
the largest fees.
at takes twenty years Of persistent
practice and constant effort to btlng on
q good case of loeemoter ataKis, and ten
years OF the same programme to hstch q
case of Dsights disease"
"Hsbits, when young, are Ike lion
whelps-you can play with them without
danger. But rs they grow older they get
strong and either pnt you on the Success
Limited or the Twenty three SkidoO Ac-
commodstioD without return ticket"
''The world was discovered in 1892,
but 1t was not until l776 that man was
| discovered, and woman was not discov-
cred nntil hundred years after thai,
although soms folks had long suspected
her existence.
''When wa gO to hospital, they
give rs cocaine and remove our pocket
books.
"BilIy Mnldoon says 40 man ever has
insomnia who has to get up at t o'clock
10 the morning"
ITO get Job Is Just as we'll as 10 acs
cspt situation"
"Any man who gets the study habit
will become a distinguished persOn."
"Iu the matter OF fresh air We arc
very economical That's becanse it's
free, like salvation. II there were sir
meters. We would use great deal more
and think great deal moro OF Whist Ne
do nse, and II We wait long enough the
Standard Oil may give us the matoss."
"Fhey Just lad TO aaug old John
Brown because he had such great neck
for rope"
"WOman is the equal Of man when
she Is, aud when she isn't, she isn't"
"ln architecture the Greeks struck l3,
but when they built 4 temple they didn't
pattern IL after the one you people have
lust put up In Harrisburg
"lf you let EN-, the doctors will give
you putty ceilings aud birch for mahos-
sny."
"The Scotch have produced three bad
lhIngs- Scotch humor, Scotch whisky
and Scotch religion"
"Heresy used to be something TO be
afraid of; nov Itssn advertisement"
"When you pursue culture, you never
catch her, and the man who works for
character never has much"
"Ninsvah and Babylon were very
much like New York city, so civilization
did not remain with them; II moved
along"
"If you we're TO die tonight, and your
dying meant you had TO change yonr
business, 1t would sort O look "a If you
were 10 the wrong business, so You'd
better get ont"
''The man who goes after q good time
never has one"
"Wouldn't you rather be an 'is-now'
than a 'has.wss' And who wouldn't
rather be either than 'not.gel-but-
coon p
Men used TO run away from tho
world to 20 into the saint business, but
uoW the saints are the business men"
"Defest cousists In acknowledging de-
feat, and the man who never knows he
fails never fsils.i
"a cheerful loser ia winner"
"You need me aud need you, and
neither Of US will be here 20 very long.
r Philadelphia N1r,h American.