Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1907-12-13
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Cnurch-Dld you ever try any OF
these ''close to nature" methods? Goth
am-Well, I've used porous plaster!
--Yonkers Statesman.
Madge-Is that writer really IA
nous? MarjOrie-He must be, my dear.
l wrote to him for his autograph, and
he never sent it.-Puck.
Short-There goes one of my pre-
ferred creditors. Long-Why prefer
red? ShOrt-He never asks me for
money.-Chicago Daily News.
Justin, here's a bill collector" call
ed Mrs. Wyss. "All right" replied
Mr.. Wyss from the library. "Give him
all he can carry away" - Leslle's
Weekly.
First Deaf Mute-If you objected to
his kissing you, why didn't you call for
help? Second Deaf Mute-I couldn't.
He was holding both my hands.-Har-
per's Weekly.
Hicks-Did you ever succeed in per-
Suading your wife when she gets an
cry to count ten before she speaks?
Wicks-Yes, but she is a very rapid
counter.-Somerville journal.
II notice that you writer's use
great deal of tobacco. Does it stimu-
late your brains" 81 don't know.
But it makes you forget that you're
hungry."-Cleveland Leader.
Blanche-The most difficult thing is
to make up ones mind what to take
and what to leave behind. Henriette
oh, l don't think so. | take all my
frocks and leave my husband.-Rire.
Fifth grade next year, Johnny"
"Hes, sir" And you'll be in fractions
or decimals then, no doubt?' mo, sir
I'll be In beadwork and perforated
squares. Washington Cd. c. Her
aid.
Poor man." exclaimed the benevo-
lent old lady. "And you say you have
no friends?' mo, madam" replied
the weary wayfarer; 81 used to be a
baseball umpire. Philadelphia Rec
ord
Wigwag is your wife mad
about now? Henpecke-Her absent
mindedness. She was going to scold
me about something and she can't re-
member what it was.-Philadelphla
Record.
Tell me-" said Miss Witherupp,
Mr. Newman remarked to you that
didn't show my age, didn't hep Not
exactly; he said you were careful to
conceal it," replied Miss Frank.-Phil-
adelphla Press.
There are only seven miles of rail-
road in operation in the whole of Per-
sia." TOO bad ~ commented the Hon.
Thomas Rott. "It must be mighty hard
for a politician to make a living IN
Persia. Puck.
Barber-Thank you, sir. don't oft
en- get my tip before l begin. I'm sure
| appreciate Customer (who likes
his hair cut in silence)-I don't want
you to consider that a tip. It's "husn'
money.-Punch.
Mrs. Dashaway-Yes, while we were
in Egypt we visited the Pyramids. They
were literally covered with hieroglyph-
les. Mrs. Newrich-Ugh Wasn't you
afraid some Of 'em would git on you?
Philadelphia Record.
Il suppose" remarked the dear girl,
that you do not believe in love at first
sight?" "Oh, yes, do" rejoined the
old bachelor "If men were gifted with
second sight they would never fall in
love."-Home Magazine.
They were in the parlor of a sum-
mer resort hotel She-John, why do
you always occupy the piano stool when
you are in the parlor? You can't play
note. He-No one else can, either,
while l sit here.-IIarper's Weekly.
"Bilkins tells me he is getting aw-
fully tired of living alone" 81 would
think he'd marry and settle down." 81
was talking with him about it the other
day, and he says he doesn't know
whether to get married or buy a pho
nograph." milwaukee Sentinel.
young man." said the merchant, 81
hear you've been kicking because you've
got so much to do" "Well, yes, SIR"
replied the clerk, 81 do think that"
HIN! We'll have to give you so much
more to do hereafter that you won't
have time to kick" - Philadelphia
Press.
A widow advertised for a man to do
odd jobs, and when she arrived home
one evening she found young man
waiting to see her. WELL" said the
lady, IL want a man to do odd Jobs
about the house and garden, to run err
rands, to wash my dog, and see to the
cats; one that never answers back, and
ia ALWAYS ready to do my bidding" An