Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-07-06
Comedies of Absent-Minded
Husbands on Vacation Trips.
TALE OF THE KITCHEN SINK
The Turned-on Water Tap at the Fat
Tamily's Fiat and the For
rotten Gas Jet.

Tamily's Fiat and the For
Sottsn Gas Jet.
Bads q white At the railroad stations. now
that folks are going away In herds. and
observe the comedies OF forgotten things.
A few afternoons ago . perspirinX red
faced. tat man. At the head OF a perspiring,
red-faced fat family. consisting Of a wife
and four little girls with amazingly starchy
skirts and pig-tails drawn DO taut that
they didn't appear to be able to close their
eyes. massed themselves in front OF the
gate leading to the through Atlantic City
train
''Tsckets," said the gateman. iaconicaliy.
as the fat father Of the fat family gathered
himself to waddie through the gate
HUH" inquired the fat father Of the
fat family. puzzled sheepish expression
appeared on his dripping features
Tickets" repeated the sateman. yawn-
noon.
'B'jin3. I clean forgot to buy the
tickets" muttered the fat man. dismally
Say. can't you let US through. just to
crush and I'll pay the conductor In cash
for our ridee-hey?"
"'Gainst the rules" said the gateman.
Don't block the line. please. Have your
tickets ready!"
The fat man squirmed back out OF the
line encountering as he did so the col.
lective glares OF the pushing people behind
him and the much more significant glare Of
his fat WIFE
Forgot to get the tickets. Emily"
wheezed the fat man. looking foolish. to
his wife. "Get 'em In half a second, though
be right back. Just you wait here with
the young 'uns." and he dashed through
the swinging doors at numbering waddle.
while his fat wife dropped all OF the hand
luggage with thump and the four highly
starched little fat girls picked out grips
their parents return with the tickets.
But That's Not AL
He returned to his family In about four
minutes. holding the tickets In his left
hand and agonszediy mopping his face with
the handkerchief in his right. His jowly
face was twisted into an oppression OF
acute misery.
MY dear girl" he said. edging APOLOGIZE
cally alongside his fat wife. ITS q mighty
good thing I stopped to take glass OF
water at the cooler inside just nowIt sure
was a mighty good thing"
well. what Is 1t now?' she asked him,
in a tone Allied with the prophecy OF
trouble.
"Now. entreat you not to get angry or
excited, my dear Emily" mumbled the fat
man. more miserable than ever. but fear
that we shall be-er-slishtly delayed; but
only till the next train: only till the next
train, you know. The next train isn't a
through train. but we can easily change at
Philadelphia. and we'll get there somehow
or another, Emily. Only. pul-iease don't
become angry or excited"
What is it," his fat wife again demanded
In hard tone.
"The next train-lers sect goes in two
hours and forty-fve minutes from now"
half groaned the fat man. land III be back
long before that
Back from where?" acridIy inquired his
fat wife.
Now. pul-lease. beg Of you. my dear.
don't make things worse by an exhibition
"But by taking that drink Of water at the
cooler inside just now reminded me that I
left the cold water turned partly on in the
kitchen sink when left the fiat I remem-
Der that let It run SOS I could get q
drink-there wasn't any Toe water-and
forgot to get the drink and SO didn't turn
the water of. Now. Just you remain with
the children in the ladies' waiting room
I'll get you some papers and magazines
andlets see-I can get up to the fat and
back inside Of about an hour and a half. and
thatu give us plenty OF time for the next
train. I couldn't be comfortable. you know.
away for month with that cold water
running full blast. The burned sink might
could make for the next ten years to repair
the damage. Now, don't worry" and the
tat man darted for the exit at his waddling
lope while the fat wife OF his bosom gath
way to the waiting room. the four little
starched fat girls trooptng gioomily after
her.
The 0ateman Relates.
'Notice thatr' asked the gateman, Slam
ming the gate leading to the Atlantic City
through train after the last belated passen-
ger had cantered through. This is the sea-
son for 'em. I'm getting about four dozen
q day of that kind since the hot weather
began. Only this morning one of them gave
me a bad twist.
"'Merciful heavenr he gasped. Just as he
handed me his ticket to punch before pass
ing through the gate, and his face turned
purple. and I reached over to hold him up
In case he should fall sure thought he
was going to topple over.
"'Pitiful Providence, Manfred. what 10
it? Not the heat. I hope and prayl Tell
me it Is not the heatr his wife moaned-
him by the lapels OF his coat and gazed
agonizedly into his face.
"'My darling he replied. hoarsely. and
he leaned against the iron fence there and
elutched a couple of the iron pickets to hold
himself up. forgive mel beg and be-
seech you to forgive met
but. my precious Manfred, what is itr
she asked him-she weighed about two hun
dred to his two hundred and half. and the
precious stuff was so funny that 1t kind O.
prevented me from seeing the tragedy in the
situation.
"'Oh, my poor little abused pet said
the two hundred and halter, almost en-
folding her in his arms, I am. know, an
objectionable bungler. vapid, vacuous
lout beyond all forgiyeness-a hopeless, not
to say criminal-er-baller up OF every
blamed thing that I touch-but my own
beloved little one, I have just remembered
that I left the gas burning at full tilt In
the bathroom, and there is bottle of
gasoline that you were using to clean
your gloves on the bathroom shelf and II
the fumes ever reach that gas flame, mer-
ciful heavens-even as I speak our cher
ished little home may be in roo-ins-roo-
insr and he knocked his little checked
outing cap off his head and grabbed at
his hair in a frenzy.
"They went away back to Mt. Pleasant
together to turn off that bathroom gas jet
and were back here at the gate, wlted,
gloomy-looking and all in, for the next
train a couple of hours later.
well, sir, did you find things all hunkT
asked him. just with the idea of cheering
him up.
"-Oh, needn't have worried at ALL ne
told me, forlornly hopping his brow.
might have known the janitor would at
tapd IN We fOund him In the nat,