Alaska sentinel., 1907-07-11

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 "Take my seat, madam" q thank you, sir, but get of here, too."-Chi- cago Tribune.
 Sillicus-How can a man tell when be is really in love? Cynicus-He can't tell till it's too ate.-Philadelphia Rec ord.
 Jack-I hear that Miss Passe Is en- gagged. Dick-Is that so7 Who is the happy man? Jack-old man Passe, of course.-Familie Journal.
 Doctor, how can I ever repay you for your kindness to me" Doesn't matter, old man. Check, money order, or cash. h."-Milwaukee Sentinel.
 MT. Bach-I suppose you find that baby brightens up the house? Mir. Bene- dict-Yes; we burn nearly twice the gas we used to.-Boston Transcript.
 That new roomer paid two thousand dollars for that violin he practices on." T wish he'd trade 1t for a ten-dollar violin he could play."-Detroit Free Press.
 Chairman-rm sure we be all very sorry our secretary is not here tonight. I cannot say We miss is vacant chair, but do say We miss is vacant face.- Punch.
 "I am afraid, darling, you will very soon forget me-" How can you think so-see, have tied two knots in my pocket handkerchief. f."-Meggendorfe Blatter.
 Most iv tn ol' marrid men I know threat their wives like rockin'-chalr great comfort whin they're tired, but apt to be in tn way at other times. ."- Mir. Dooley's Dissertations.
 Do you think you could learn to love me?" the young man inquired. Learn to love you exclaimed the rapturous maid. Harold, I could give lessons at it."-Louisville Courier-Journal.
 "Why force your child to learn fig ures at so early an age" That's all right. I want him to be able to tell the number when he is knocked down by an automobile" Blatter.
 Charwoman (mending carpet)-I never thought as 'ow I should come to this, mum. Me that was that we'll ed dicated that afore I was married I couldn't even make beef pudden.- Punch.
 But you know, madam, that In Fur key a bride never sees her husband before the wedding day" Lady (wife of an inveterate clubman)-How odd! We never see our husbands after !- Literary Digest.
 Her Husband-If a man steals-no matter what it is-he will live to regret it. His Wife-During our courtshlp you used to steal kisses from me. Her Husband-Well, you heard what I said Chicago News.
 Proud Owner of New Cottage-I'ye been wondering what creepers to put on the cottage. Which do you think would be best, John? The Gardener Well, sir, one of them Virginias would cover 1t up quickest.-Punch.
 "A woman always insists on having the last word," remarked the man who thinks he knows human nature. Yes" answered Mir. Meekton, grimly, land, as rule, also the first word and most of the intermediate words" s."-Washing. ton Star.
 She-Did you enjoy the opera last night, Herr Schwarz? He-No. couldn't hear anything. She-Why not? He-Two ladies sat in front of me and chattered the whole evening about how much they loved music.- Kleiner Witzblatt.
 Passenger Gin slow train, to conduc- tor)-I say, what on earth Is this train crawling along so slowly for2 Round the corners we hardly move at all. Conductor-Ah, but you see, sir, we have ten baskets of eggs in the baggage car.-Meggendorfer Blatter.
 The second day drew to It's close with the twelfth juryman still uncon. vinced. "Well, gentlemen" said the court officer, entering quietly, shall I, as usuau, order twelve dinners" Make it." said the foreman, "eleven dinners and bale of hay."-New York Press.
 Do you think that people will ever be able to secure a perfectly satisfac- tory governmentf' q doubt it," said Senator Sorghum. History shows that no government has been perfectly sat isfactory to more than one person al time, and he was the one who hap pened to be the boss."-Washingto Star.