The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1907-03-22
HEY, THERE, ALL YOU
BASHFUL BACHELORS
Here's the Latest on How to
Acquaint "Dearie' With
Your Intentions.
NC LOVELY, DovEY ACTS
just Tell Her There's a Nice Little Cot.
taoc Waiting, and That There'll
Be Hamburger Most Every
Day and She's Yours.
Does a stald professor of scienc.

Does a staid professor of s%ciencoI
feally know?
More than one young man who is
really contemplating taking the final
plunge is asking himself that question,
and turning over in his mind whether,
or not it would be wise to TAX one
who is wont to deal with stones, rather
than hearts as authority.
One would suppose that the question:
of proposals would be a topic that men;
would leave entirely to women WRITER'S
since they are the ones who have lis-I
tened and looked on, but 1t may be that
the professor knows more than one}
would give him credit for knowing-i
He may have some fair friends whoI
nave given him tips from the inside,i
poured into his listening ear PERSONAL
!, experiences that are worth using as
taken the evidence from his scientificj
Investigations to gather the evidenced
I. himself. At any rate he claims heI
knows, and is setting 1T down to keep,
the rising generations from makings
fools of themselves.
a lot of things that will make o blushl
in the dark when you think about them
to get Il woman to consent to be your,
Wife," he says. There is nothing to
that at all, and there is no need in
lowering your dignity in any such man
;ner. Not one man out Of twenty ever
makes these impassioned declarationsi
of love that one hears on the stage.
A Business Proposition.
Marriage is largely a business propo-!
sition and men who propose do so int
a business like matter-of-fact way. Al
man will take the n whom he has
chosen for a wife for a drive perhaps,I
or a street car ride out through theI
suburb where lots are cheap and houSeSf
can be bought on the installment plan.l
j ,,ill ,>oj,,t ont ~, ra rfio111ar r1opnl
he has picked out, tell her that he cam
get it for a mere song and ask her IL.
she doesn't think it will be a good
idea for them to get married n take
it. In nine cases out OF ten' she Will
say, yes"
According to the professor this is in,
fact the only kin of a proposal hat
the young man of today ever thinks OF
making. OF course there are still a few
silly declarations and some ardent gush
that goes under the name of proposals.
but they are confined to the callow
youths who don't know any better. His
book is written for a purpose-that of
influencing even these few young ones
to learn better, and, as he says, more
dignified way of asking women to be-
come their wives"
But in Chicago, behind a window
from which each day dozens of mar
riage licenses are issued, stands Il man
whose views do not entirely coincide
with those OF the learned professor
What he knows on the subject has been
from daily observation OF those h
pass in long lines up to his window.
who answer the roGuiled Questions, and
then move ON out through the other,
door. For many years he has been
gathering his data. Now and then a
happy lover grows confidential ana tells
him all about it. bUt MOTT OF il he has
learned by watchi. & tkc many appli-
cants that come ana go. He has y deep
knowledge OF human nature and can,
tell at a glance almost how it AL hap
pened. He also knows the influence the
weather has on marriage. and is Always
prepared With an extra stcc.S CT blani1
licenses in the early lall. the time when
they are most in demand for. he says,
in the spring when all nature is deckef
out III her new garments mans
thoughts dwell parsistently upon love
and when fall comes. with it is a desire
to set up their household gods before
the long winter evenings come.
Some Pointers.
What l know on the subject, he says.
I would set Gown in a dozen lines OF
advice, and these dozen lines would be-
nothing more OF less than a set of rules.l
l believe every man who followed them,
provided his suit had been received
With any degree of encouragement
whatever. YOU be successful in win
ming the girl he asked to marry him.
4 nose IulSS are as lClloWS.
Propose in the twilight, the moon
light or the gaslight, but never under
any circumstances before 4 O'Clock in
the afternoon"
Never plan beforehand what you are
going to say. Let the presence of the
girl inspire your speech"
Don't get down ON your knees. or
sniffle, or put tears into you voice"
BE sure to tell her first of all that
you love her; you can talk about e0-
penses and buying houses afterwards"
Don't try to beat around the bush;
tell her in a plain, straightforward way
that you want her to marry you"
Don't propose too soon after meet
ing her, and dom wait too long"
Propose, if possible, in the spring
or fall"
And he goes on to give a few reasons
by way CT explanation.
Before 4 o'clock in the afternoon"
he says, "a girl isn't at her best. She
is apt to be cross if she is ever cross
at all. Things loom up out OF all pro-
portions and she doesn't care to run
any risks. If she is proposed to too
soon. she does not believe a man has
as much force as she would wish the
one whom she chooses for her husband
to have; and if he waits too long She
will grow weary and teach herself not
to care. 1 would advise a man to pro-
pose in the spring, not only because
at that season She will more likely
think of him with tenderness in her
heart, but because it is really wiser
from the standpoint of In
the summer flowers are cheaper, thea
tiers are closed, carriages do not have
to be provided, and he car be as.
thoughtful a lover as he could wish
without spending most of the gold
pieces In his pay envelope.'
And the women whose testimony is
supposed to be more reliable than that
of ali the men taken together claim
that the marriage license man is "A
whole lot nearer right than the scion
tilic professor.
They have a few ideas of their own
on the subject and have also listened to
some timely words of warning which
they are careful to remember. They
never fail to keep in mind, when some
particularly ardent lover tells of his
love, if the night is balrny and the
time is summer, the words of the wom-
an who advises girls never 10 take men.
seriously il they propose in the moon
light or after a fun meal. for. as she
says. the dear things arc not them
selves than.' At any rate the votes
are all against the matter of fact pro-