The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1907-05-12
TERWTLLIeER WANTS DATA.
A Weighty Problem Before EastpOrt's
Chicken Picldng Machine Man.

\ EOVPIo ~ GNoNlOItb LIZ Af ohN NV hOiGh
| boring villages of East Moriches and Speonk
week any number Of printed notices reading
as follows:
Are YOU interested In anti-fat? II so.
you will learn something TO your advantage
by consulting with TERwILLIGER. PASSPORT,
The wording Of this notice has excited
considerable comment. There is no minc-
ing Of words, no beating around the bush
Terwilliger of Eastport hits straight out
from the shoulder.
% II you are interested in reduction systems
there is only n thing for you to do. II
you're not interested just throw the notice
into the waste basket, or, II you live at
Eastport, Moriches or Speonk, into the
kitchen stove.
Ever since Terwilliger, Eastport's most
constructive citizen, perfected his chicken
picking machine, by means Of which a
chicken can be separated from it's feathers
In three minutes at the outside. all East
porters have been wondering what the in
ventor would turn his attention to next.
1t seems perfectly clear .tn the light Of this
notice and Terwilliger's own remarks,
that he is going to tackle the weighty prob
lem Of avoirdupois.
AMoriches man whose curiosity long ago
overoame his discretion hurried over to
Terwilliger's house the day after the notices
first began TO appear to find out what was
up. AS a pretext he said he was interested
in the subject and had come to consult the
inventor and learn something to his adj
vantage. Terwilliger gazed IN him with
surprise and disapproval,
Now see here. 81 Cornelium,' he ex-
claimed. II know darn well you didn't get
one Of those notices, for l sent 'em out
myself. Besides. how can you be interested
you bein q thinner than a fence railH
AN don't you suppose 1 know you do
corresponding for Their New York papers?
You orter be ashamed Of yourself to butt
in like this. 1 won't stand fer no press
| agenting, either. Well, dispose since you're
here ! might as wei expiainit to you niob
| three HUNDRED pounds myself an my wife
weighs two HUNDRED. When l was a boy
| and went to SCHOOL, got tired TO death being
told If you don't like so an so you can
an I can lump the whole lot Of you. That
usually shut EN- up for they knew could
lick EN- with o2e fist.
"An' ever since then I've been the butt
Of sly jokes about how when l go in swim
min Their tide rises six inches IN all that
| " III L llloNAo ~ by hSiNN ON' q.
stand for IL any longer an as soon as !
finished my chicken picker I'd set out
TO find an accurate, scientific way 10 re-
duce super1uous flesh.
mo, / haven't lone anything about
il yet. I'm jest amin to consult with
those that are truly interested in the prob
lem with a view to getting first hand data
to work with. Now there's quite a few
feshy people in Eastport and Spe onk,
though not so many in Moriches. where
| .hayfrn pnAstlu lilo uNu thinner than a
beanpole.
aWhy, jest let me tell you what hap
pened while / was in New York two weeks
ago putting my chicken picker on Their
market. Ny wife and l thought we'd
like to see Their sights and so we got on one
Of those Sightseeing automobiles.
They wasn't a-going TO let us on at hrst,
they thought we was too much OF a load.
But the chatter says: oh, let 'em on;
put EN- in the back seat an they'll keep the
corners So finally they put US in Their
pack seat.
"No sooner had we set down when there
was an explosion like a Calling gun an
tires had burst. Hy-guy, they was sore
an 20 was l to think we couldn't AXE ther
trip But that wasn't our only diaioulty.
The next day we boarded a Twenty-eighth
street car to 90 across town. Their darn
car was light weight an the moment my
wife an / was squarely on the back plat
form the two front wheels tilted clear OF the
track.
THE motorman let out a yell, he was 30
surprised, an a policeman came running
up. He an ther conductor insisted we
must get off right away, though / told 'em
they could drive the car all right as long as
Their two rear wheels was on ther track.
But ther motorman was superstitious an
said he'd be gol darned II he'd drive the car
that way.
80 we got of. l was going to pay our
fares and sue the company, but the con-
ductor refused to take EN-; said 1t would be
a shame to take the money. or something
like that. Passed il of as a joke, anyway.
Now you can jest see what a proposition
I'm up against. Why, my wife hasn't re-
covered yet from that trip to New York.
II gave her a nervous shock
80 you haven't taken any steps toward
sOr Y the problem 81 cornelium ven
NO. I'm jest ~a-gathering data" Ter
williger responded. Il sent one of those
notices to Secretary Taft, he being the most
famous as well as me of the latest men
in Their country. 1t stands to reason he
can't enjoy having a shape like a Big Stick.
! confidently expect an answer from him
as soon as he can give ther matter his at
t~cntion. An I'm willing TO bet it'll he
darn good data, too