davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-08-14


up here among the Electric Lights with
no one to keep Cases on me. am long
on Sleep, and l have Money in every
Pocket. I'm up here to play short
Engagement as the Village Indian If
You care to follow me. | think can
put you in right and probably show you
good many Places that you never
saw before, even if you do live right In
Town"
Sanford tried to be Game. but in
two Days Cousin Lafe had him Down
and Out. He fell back and took the
Count. Cousin LATE took him Home in
q Hack and roasted him, and told him
he was Rhinestone Sport and Mack
erel
I'm all in said the Wreck. 81 ad-
nit everything you say. The Man who
lives in Town and thinks he is a Gay
Dog isn't Marker alongside of the
Respectable Citizen from down the
Road. l am supposed to be dissolute
Clubman, but I take off my Hat to a
Cemetery Trustee"
Cousin LATE went back to the Coun-
try and reported that Sanford was a
Nice Man but seemed to be a little
Wild.
MORAL: Don't try to keep up with
any Pillar of Society,
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-08-14
LEMON FOR A WASHER.
How Virginia Woman Squeiched .
Elirt on Shiphoard.

Passengers on the Carmania, which
recently arrived at New York from
Liverpool. took great delight in telling
about the impressive manner in which
the Lemon" treatment had been adj
ministered to an English chappie who
had made himself extremely obnox-
ious to most of the good looking wo-
men on board says the New York
World. The presentation took place
on the main deck a few afternoons
ago.
The fact that a woman happened to
be with her husband made no differ
ence to the British masher. He sim
ply threw the persuasion power of his
glanCeS on to the last notch. 1t was
no wonder that on the second day
out several angry husbands assembled
in the cafe and held council of war.
Leave him to me-" said Mrs. II. o.
Jackson. the wife of prominent in
ventor of Norfolk, Va, when she
heard Of the husbands meeting I'll
teach him lesson he won't forget in
a hurry"
Unaware of the manner in which
sentiment against him was crystalliz-
ing, the self satisfied tourist stuck
valiantly to his task of winning
smiles. Every time he appeared on
deck he was draped in a sartorial SEN
sation. his taste in hosiery running to
pigeon blue and elephants breath.
BE on the main deck this after
noon," whispered Mrs. Jackson to all
the folks the other morning. They
were all there. and presently they saw
Mrs. Jackson and a woman friend do
ing a little road work. When the
masher made his appearance Mrs.
Jackson tossed him a shy little glance
That settled it. He fell in behind,
and TO his great satisfaction the wo-
men seemed TO be greatly excited over
his attentions.
Mrs. Jackson waited until they
reached point where the interested
spectators could see them. Then she
turned and held her hand toward him
In friendly manner He reached for
1t and when he drew back his palm
clutched-an Overgrown lemon.
The laughter that followed rocked
the boat. The men hooted and the
men shouted Make mine a lemonade,
Mr.. Bartender The Englishman,
In utter confusion, stumbled to his
room and remained there until long
after the other passengers disem-
barked.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-08-14
ALEXANDER MCDONALD.

Mayor Schaffer and Chief Hastings
of the fire department when asked
about the matter today by The Argus,
stated that they do not care to ente"
Both stated that Mr.. Mcdonald was
suspended because of his violation Of
the rules of the department. Mayor
Schaffer stated that he does not pro
pose that Mr. Mcdonald shall be rel =
stated in the fire department service
during his administration.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-08-14
Bishop Potter's "Job."

To illustrate point he was making
in an address he was delivering the
other day Bishop Potter told the fol-
lowing story. says Harper's Weekly:
Not long ago l was staying with a
friend in q country house up on the
Hudson On Sunday morning as 1
passed through the library l found a
small boy curled up in big chair
deeply interested in a book. Are you
going TO church. TomT / asked. No
he replied WHY, am I said.
Huh he said, that's your jobr"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-08-14

IN THE FAMILY ALBUM. cd S.,
ford, and the Cousin who lived out In
the Woods was known as LATE. al
though his real Name was Lafayette.
Every Christmas Sanford would send
LATE some kind of a stingy Gift. and
then LATE would retaliate by shipping
in a fat Turkey for Thanksgiving
There was a formal Exchange of Let
tiers about twice per Year.
Sanford was Il good deal Upset one
day to receive Word that Cousin Lafay-
cite was coming to spend a Week.
Whatever Joy he felt he did not show
at all.
The visiting Cousin is liable to be q
Fierce Proposition under the most ia
vorable Conditions, but it is more thai
Hard Luck to be saddled with one
who is Total Stranger Sanford was
hoping that the Train would run off the
Track, but he wrote Cousin LATE to be
sure and come right to the House.
Sanford saw very pink Week ahead
of him. he was not very Strong for
The Chaperon Game. He could see
himself negiecting Business in order to
lead Cousin Lafe around aud show him
the Sky-Scrapers, the Animals in the
Park, the Eden Musce, and the big
Engine in the Power House. He had
observed that the EXcursionist is al
ways keen to see lot of Sights that
are a Sealed Book 10 the Man who
lives right in the City.
Sanford tried to get Line on Cousin
Lafe so as to frame up the right kind
of Programme. He could tell by the
Picture in the Family Album that LATE
was a Pure Character and somewhat
of Rube- He wore a White Tie and
had his Hair gummed down on his
Forehead. He looked as If he would
like to be a Preacher but could not
quite make 1t. His open Countenance
had that sweet and trusting Express
sion of the Hubbard Squash who is
willing to give two Tens for a Five.
So far as Sanford could learn, Cous-
In Lafe was kind of moral Sign
Board and snow-white Object-Lesson
In the Jay Town which claimed him as
Its own. He was a Cemetery Trustee
and Chairman of the Committee to So
licit Funds for new Y. NJ. C. A. build
Ing. Also he had been prominent in
the Sunday-ClOsing Movement and the
Main Kazoo in the Citizens Reform
League.
Accordingly, Sanford had all the
Drinkables removed from the Side.
board, and he warned the Children not
TO Laugh while Cousin LATE was say
ing Grace at the Table. Then he went
out ard bought some Tickets for a Lee
ture, and got written Permit to go
through the Car-Shops
He went to the Station to meet the
rural Lamb and protect him against
the Cabmen. He saw a Hot Sport
with a new Suit of Clothes and a Red
Tie come through the Gate, but he did
not spot anything that resembled a
Cemetery Trustee. While he was still
waiting, the Hot Sport came up and
walloped him on the Back and intro
duced himself.
What do you Think" asked the
President of the Yapville Citizens Re-
form League. II got into a Poker
Game with two of them key Drum
mers on the Train and trimmed them
for 81 Samoleons. If the Train had
been half hour late I'd have got their
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-08-14

! wouldn't take 81 for my Thirst. By
the way, want to tell you that I've
left my Pajamas at Home, and you
might as well move the Bed out of my
Room, because won't need it. If you
have any Word to send to your Folks
before we cut loose, step into the Box
and telephone while you're still able
to talk"
what do you wish to see first of all.
the Parks or the Power House?" asked
Sanford.
"If it's all the same to you" said the
Cemetery Trustee. 81 should like to be-
gin my Vacation by putting tall
Crimp In the Guy that spins the little
Ivory Ball. Then You can send home
for your Low-Neck and we will have a
little DinnerParty. / have engaged
the Louis XIV. Room up at the Hotel.
| have in my Suitcase no less than II
Letters of introduction to well-known
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-08-14
Remedy for Diarrhoea-Never Known
to Fail.

81 want to say few words for Cham
berlain's collie, cholera and diarrhoea
remedy l have used this preparation
in my family for the past five years,
and have recommended it to a number
of people in York county. and have
never known it to fail to effect a cure
in any instance. | feel that | cannot
say too much for the best remedy OF
the kind in the worlds. Jemison
Spring Grove, York county, Pa. This
remedy is for sale by all druggists.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-08-14
"Eyerybody Should Know"

says c. G. Hays. a prominent business
man at Bluff, Mo, that Bucklen's Ar
MICA Salve is the quickest and suresI
healing salve ever applied to a sore,
burn or wound, or TO a case of piles.
I've used it and know what I'm talking
about" Guaranteed by w. T. HART.
druggist, 3O1 Twentieth street. Csc.
DeWitt's Little Early Risers don't
sicken or grippe. Small pills, easy to
take. Sold by all druggists.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-08-14

AT this season We should eat sparing-
ly and properly. We should also help
the stomach as much as possible by
the use of a little Kodol occasionally.
kodol for indigestion and dyspepsia
will rest the stomach by actually d.
costing the food itself. Sold by. all
druggists.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-08-14
IRRESISTIBLE SLEEP.
Ar Experience In the Fierce Gold Of
TERRA del Fuego.

whoever sits down." said DR.. So
lander to his company among the hills
of TERRA del Fuego, will sleep. and
whoever sleeps will wake no more"
The brave doctor and his men had
tramped Il considerable distance
through the swamps, when the wealth
cr became suddenly colder and fierce
blasts of wind drove the snow before
intense as to cause the most Cypress
i've drOwsiness. DR.. SOlander was the
first to find the inclination to sleen.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-08-14

Kennedy's Laxative Cough Syrup
acts gently upon the bowels and clears
the whole system of coughs and colds.
1t promptly relieves inflammation of
the throat and allays irritation. Sold
by all druggists.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-08-14
First Family Row.

DO you know who created the first
family row ON record?'
Il suppose it was Adam and Eve
when they raised Cain" - Stray
Stories.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-08-14

o n C e
there was
a Man liv-
ing in a
Big Town
and he had
a Cousin
whom he
never had
seen. Some
people are
very lucky
as to their
Relatives.
The Man
who lived
i n t b e
w lex ed
Metropolis
was nam
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-08-14

of kidney disease.
While kidney dis
orders are the
most common
diseases that pre-
vail, they are
almost the last
recognized by
patient and ply
sicians, arh0 con-
a -
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-08-14

uteS. If I
smoked q
cigarette I
would be
hanged in
Efhgy. I
might as
W e | ] g 0
out a II d
k i | | a n
Aged Wo-
man with
a Hatchet
as mix up
! n q n Y
Z o k g r
O. a m @ S.
So | dothe
Straight
and Mar
row. But
NOW I'm
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-08-14

> a m p ] e.
G a S g S
I've got a
Roll here
that would
c h o Ike a
Horse, and
l have a
+ @ @ | / ng
that | am
about to
Buy. We
d ra nix up
everything
in the Din
ing Car
except the
Catsup be-
T ore we
z o [ [ o
S p r 1 ng-
fold and
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-08-14

Live, laugh and love- There'n come
a time when you can't.-Success.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-08-14
Thousands Have Kidney
Trouble and Never SUSPECT II.
PreyaIency of Kidney Diseas,

Most people do not realize the alarm
ing increase and remarkable prevalency
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-08-14

Nth dOctOring the effects, while the orig
inaE disease undermines the system.
What To Do.
There is comfort in the knowledge so
often expressed, that DIR. Kilmer's
Swamp-Root, the great kidney remedy,
fulflls every wish in curing rheumatism,
pain in the back, kidneys, liver, bladder
and every part of the urinary passage.
1t corrects inability to hold water
and scalding pain in passing it, or bad
effects following use of liquor, wine or
beer, and overcomes that unpleasant ne
cessity of being compelled to go often
during the day, and to get up many
times during the night. The mild and
the extraordinary effect of Swamp-RoOt
is soon realized. 1t stands the highest
for its wonderful cures of the most dis
tressing cases. If you need medicine
you should have the best. Sold by drug
gists in fifty-cent and one-dollar sizes.
You may have sample bottle and a
book that tells all
about it, both sent free
by mail. Address DR.. Il .s eco
Kilmer & Co., Bing- sas 5aeGssag
hamton, N. Y. When Homo of swamp-Root.
writing mention this paper and don't
make any mistake, but remember the
name, DIR. kilmer's Swamp-Root, and
the address, Biughamton, N. Y.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-08-14
GEORGE AIDE FABLES
The Lecture Tickets That Were Bought but
Never Used.

copyright. 1902. 1903. by Robert Howard
Russell.l
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-08-14

book that tells all
aboutit, both sent free
by mail. Address DIR.
Kilmer & Co., Bing-
hamilton n. Y. When
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-26

with the people If they prefer an in.
scnsatc punishment of every man who
has been an aggressive railway force,
70 discriminating application of eS-
lsting law TO Individual law-brcakers
and specific acts of law breaking. they
VIII bring ruin. If they prefer to be
fair and Just. the public sentiment will
arouse itself against the ycngefUl attl-
tudc of certain high officials Of the
country and VIII compel cessation of
indiscriminate warfare against the men
of finance and railways who do things,
Punish the wrongdccr and preserve the
property, should be the motto. That
is Il far better sentiment for justice and
prosperity than the one which seeming
ly prevails at Washington, which is;
Crush everybody who seems to be ac-
complrshing things in this country
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-26
GOVERNOR CUTTERS SHAME.

A State which has y Governor who
has no sense of political or civic moral.
ity, is certain TO be brought low No
more scandalous, shameful an act was
ever committed by an Executive of n
State than that of Governor Cutler.
yesterday, in the reappointmcnt of
Mcssrs. Lynch and Candland 20 be mem.
bcrs OF the State Land Board.
These men were found guilty by The
Senate Investigating committee. during
The Legislative session Just closed. of
misconduct in Office. Prior TO this find
ing, testimony had been taken diSclos-
ing all the facts and the misconduct.
The committee reported the whole mat
ter TO the Senate, with its Judgment,
This Judgment was unanimously ap-
proved by the whole Senate,
Yet. in spite OF this open, notorious
fact, the Governor had the stupid
fatuity TO renominatc them for the
same Offices, sending their names to the
Senate for confirmation. OF course,
that body refused TO confirm the nom
inDtions In spite Of this. Governor
Cutler had the amazing cfirontery 10
send the names again TO the Senate.
On being asked by that body for his
reasons for that most extraordinary act,
he contemptuously Informed the Senate
that they were good men, and that tho
allegations against their good names as
officials were mere surmise and news.
paper gossip. This after the Senate had
made through its committee full and
far Investigation Of their misconduct,
and had found them guilty! a wretch
ed, puerile plea. not worthy of the most
disreputabe shyster.
The action Of the Governor in this
case should awaken the conscience of
Utah to the evils of church control
more than any ordinary act could do.
For, it is unthinkabc that Cutler
should do this shameful thing without
the priestly nod and approval, Utah is
IN evil case, surely. But its day of re-
demption is sure, and though it may not
be today nor tomorrow, il is certain TO
come. And such acts as this by
Governor Cutler Will hasten the day of
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-26
UTAH's WHOLESOME MEAT.

|, was only what was to be expected
that Dr. Beatty would deny the accu-
racy of the damaging statement in the
Salt Lake Herald Of Sunday, that
"half the cattle slaughtered in the
State was affected with either tubercu-
losis or lumpy Jaw" attributing it TO
him. The doctor says that he "made
no such ridiculous and exaggerated as.
sertion.'
AS matter of fact, the healthy CON
dition of stock generally in our Gle
waited valleys isali but universal, True,
as Dr. Beatty says, there are cases Of
tuberculosis and lumpy Jaw; but these
arc comparatively rare No such pro
portion of diseased animals is found
among tho livestock OF Utah AS can
easily be found among the cattle of the
country in the lower levels; aud no
such damaging articles ought TO ap-
pear In any paper as the Herald printed
on Sunday; the foundation for this is
80 very narrow that it is scandal and
slander TO make such wholesale and ex-
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-26
Where The Tribune Is On Sale.

Murray. Utah-Excesior Stationery Co,
! Ind. phone 1T7-I
Provo. Utah-A. V. Robson. II East Cen :
ter street.
New York-Arthur Hotaling. Broadway
and Thirty-elShth street; WALDORF =
Astoria; Imperial Hotel
Pnllada phia-Ryen's Ticket Office; WIN
Senekoif
Chicago-Palmer House; AUDITORIUM Ho-
tel; o. E Jarrett. Empire News
Washington New Willard; Raleigh'
Becker 6 OrndorIr 1927 Penn Ave
Omaha-Union Station News Stand,
Kansas City-M. T. Wright, 6l2 Mein
street. Yonlo News Co.
Fortland-Oreycn News Agency
Los Angeles-AleXandrla Hotel; b. T.
Amos.
San Francisco-Hctel st. Francis: Foster
oreaE. Ferry Building. PARENTS
Stationery Co. ,
seattle-W. c. Ellis. ], R. Justice; Will
son-McVey Co.
Denver-Brown Palace; Ksndrek Book
and Stationery Co., Julius Black; ID
soise-Idanha HOTEL Boise Book and
Pocctcllo-Chnffee & Con1r any.
Ely-Thos. Odalovich: Ely Reading Room,
Las Neges-Wilson Drug Co.
Rhyolite-Sem II. Spears.
Goiddeld - Hunter Stationery Co.. l..
Pol!n.
Tonopah--A, H. Rounsevlle: Sherman
Oldfather.
sutte-Tohn G. Evans Keefe Bros.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-26

Having endcavored TO show that ne
was insane, in order to keep away from
the electric chair and that he is sane,
IN order to prevent him from going to
the madhouse: Mr., Delmas could now
take middle cour-c by proving that
his client is not himself.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-26

aggerated statements. If we do not
and cannot have good, healthy meat in
Utah, 1T would indeed be difficult 10
point TO a spot upon God green earth
where wholesome and healthy meat
could be raised. All that is needed 10
he sure of having it is a little care and
an inspection that will in fact fairly in
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-26

] Because of criticism Of his daugh.
ter S recitation an Illinois farmer killed
neighbor; and such happenings prob
ably account for the unstlntcd and
continuous praise which is accorded TO
the singing of Apostle Grant.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-26

Declaring tnat the Legislature killed
bills with scant courtesy, the Deseret
News probably means to say that after
the Legislature had taken the trouble
TO pass a few the Governor slaughtered
them with his shears
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-26

Some really stingy husbands are
pointing to the case OF the woman who
lost her money IN trying to save her
hat as an excuse for not buying that
new Easter bonnet
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-26

In saying that the Mormon church
does not love money, it is likely that
President Roberts hesitated to sug.
gest that there was any effort what.
ever TO win the object of the prophet s
deepest affection
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-26

The church organ speaks as if it were
more harmful to see a stage
homogeneous marriage on Sunday than
10 engage in real polygamous stunt
on any old day III the week.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-26

Business communications should be ad-
dressed. THE Tribune, Salt Lake city.
Utah.
Matters for publication, TO Editor The
Tribune, Salt Lake City. Utah.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-26

with the wind, except that the princi-
pal witness. would be as insubstantlal
and elusive as the one procured in
previous star performance.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-26

Announcements are TO the effect that
there Is to be doublc-header prize
fight at Tonopah on April 10th. and
In order to get through with the Nor.
mon church conference in ample time,
The prophet called it TO convene on the
18th
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-26

Making such charges against the
President as he does, Mr.. Burton of
Kansas should consider that even
though he has served term in prison
he is cpdangering his reputation.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-26

I Perhaps it is only because they have
been thrust into politics that the rail.
roads have decided to participate in
the science-and maybe it is only to
please tine President in the next Ma.
tional election.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-26

And perhaps that father who failed
10 send his children TO school dreaded
10 subject them 10 the humiliation of
receiving bad marks.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-26

A Salt Lake woman having had some
currency blown away, the County At
torney would probably arrest the Chief
of Police upon IA charge OF conspiracy
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-26

James ]. Hill having declared that
ne would not be parrot, there is no
longer any intention to select him for
a block teacher
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-26

A Belgian project of police is ap-
pointing female police TO protect the
city Of Ghent-and dogs TO protect the
police.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-26

Lord Rothschids sees no danger of
panic; but he has not been on Wall
street lately.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-26

That news of the poisoning of old
soldiers will confirm the star boarder
in his prejudice against hash
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-26

Unlike his Parent, the bogus prophet
can boast of being pioneer on the
underground.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-26
Tribune Telephones.
Tuesday, March 26, 1907.

Even if the Mayor of San Francisco
should confess, would anybody believe
him?
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-26

Entered at the Postoffice at Salt Lake
City as second class matter.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-26

Capital s5oo.ooo; Surplus. s2S0'0"
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-26

DEoEKET NATIONAL BANk'
UNITED STATES pEPosiTAHs.
Salt Lake City, Otah