davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31
indicating the Auto.

French justice has come to the rescue
Of the automobile and snatched it. dgura-
lively il not literally, free from the grind
ing hoof of the pestiferous horse No
more need scorchers give attention 20
highland filings and awesome hornpipes
executed by misguided nags affrighted at
the "chUg-chug" cars French courts have
decided that the horse has no business
getting scared al an automobile. and any
depredations he may commit by reason
of Amusement OF distress caused thereby
cannot be held as the autOists fault. but
must be set down as the result of natural
equine depravity and general aIl-round
''cussedness.
Alas. the poor hOTse-OuCe hailed rs the
''noblest Of animals'-how hath the
mighty fallen, No less a parsonage than
NJ Sere de Riveres pronounced judicial
decision against him. He stands outlawed
before the world.
A driver Of a Paris cab, whose horse
SHE'D at a passing automobile and threw
him from his seat to the hard and uu-
feeling cobblestones below. was fatty re-
fused damages because he could not show
saulted" him, or spoken opprobrious words
unto him. Damages are not due" said
the judge, because horses .ught to he
trained not to shy at the noises of motor
cars"
AIackadayi There seems nothing to do
but provide all inhabitants with motor
cars IN order that they may give their
horses proper training and educational
polish. No more can Dobbins safely start
to town with the eggs, the butter. the
produce, and the milk and honey from
down on the farm and stin feel safe 10
shy at motor cars and scatter 20 the four
winds the masters wares. Those fright
full looking stTeaks of red and green and
black he meets along the road. the
CHASTITY smell of gasoline, are things that
should alright him not Instead Of
wandering about the pastures in idleness
he must attend a training school. In
stead of blowing he should be reading up
on automobiles.
The law is very plain. Its execution IS
impartial. Few rights of mere man arc
respected by the scorchers and the record
slnashers. Why should horses expect
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31
PEACHES FOR PRISONERS.
Everybody VIII BE Happy in Uncle
snm's Georgia Resort.

Prom the savannah News
The Federal penitentiaTy in Georgia is
doubtless destined 20 become one OF the
most popular resorts in the country,
among both officials and prisoners. We
are informed that 1000 peach trees have
been planted on the penitentiary grounds,
and that in about three years it is ex-
pected the trees will be bearing enough
fruit to supply the whole body of men
under Warden Meyers care" That is a
conservative estimate Warden Meyer
VIII probably never have more than 1890
men at time under his care, which
would allow three or four baskets Of
peaches for each man during the season
Since il is practicable TO keep cows in a
peach orchard. il is to be assumed that
Warden Mover viii have a herd of Jerseys
in milking by the time the LOCO peach
trees come into bearing; and then the
Federal prisoners viii feast on peaches
and cream. Think of delicious Elbertas,
with a fragrance more fetching than that
OF any of the spices of Araby and Il
sweetness of juices discounting the nectar
of the gods. covered over with rich yellow
clover-fed cream, Isn't that enough 10
make any man want 20 so 70 the peni-
rentiary2
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31
THURSDAY. JANUARY 81. 1907.
Our Ambassadorial peesmxirats.

Without q word Of comment the Sen
ate on Tuesday adopted an amendment TO
the diplomatic and consular appropria-
ion bin repeating the provision Of law
Under which the President is authorized,
"a his discretion. to appoint Ambassadors
&" any country whose government is rep
resented at Washington by an Am5assa-
dor.
Should this amendment receive the APP
rToral of the House il may be taken as
notice 10 those nations now represented
ere ~ Ministers that we do not care to
receive or to commission any more Am
bassad0rs. We are now represented
abroad by ten ENJOYS Of Ambassadorial
rank. and there are at Washington nine
diplomats OF similar station II may lee
doubted whether the higher rank Of ouT
representatives at London. Berlin Paris
81 Petersburg. and elsewhere has con
iribUted in any degree 10 the efficiency OF
the diplomatic service. though it has add
ed much 10 the picturesqueness of their
social life and 10 the abundance of their
domestic expenditure. As no financial
provision is made by Congress to main
tain the rank the salary Of an Ambas-
sador being precisely what the salary Of a
Minister at the same post was previous
IT, the position Of Ambassador can be
held only by wealthy men. who may OF
may not he possessed of other quaiifica-
lions for that office This is an unfortu-
nate circumstance quite dissonant from
the principles which ought 10 govern the
selection of public servants.
Perhaps Congress may be disposed u
De more liberal with our underpaid Am
hassddors if their number be limited
Surely, If we are to have Ambassadors al
alI. they should be given compensation
sufficient To maintain a modest domestic
establishment abroad so that men OF
talent may be chosen for these important
diplomatic posts without reference tC
their commercial ratings or the size OF
their campaign contributions. We agree
with the Hon. Nicholas Longworth that
The government oIght To do something Il
make the AmbassadoriaI rank something
more than a reward for the millionaire
in politics.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

From the Cleveland Plain Dealer
The man who is strong on statistics
looked around.
They are getting the shoemaking bus
mess down 30 a very fine point" he said.
1T has got so now that they can take
piece Of leather and feed it into the
first machine and send it who0ping along
through fourteen other machines and
sixty-three different pairs of hands, and
finally have il come out finished pair
of shoes-and all in thirty-eight minues -
The weary-looking man in the corner
seat shook his head.
That's nothing" he growled. I've got
a t-n-year-old hoy wuo can wear EN- out
ia less time than that"
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31
Senatorial oraforV.

Mr. Hale INDUCES In some gentle sar-
casm at the expense OF those Senators
who have blocked appropriation bills in
order to instruct and please the Senate
with forensic efforts on a variety Of
topics supposed to be Of vital interest to
the country lie refers darkly 10 the
danger" of an extra session If there bee
not some restraint on the flow Of oratory
with which we have been entertained for
some time past He fears the Senate
would not agree to the proposition that
legislation is of more importance than
speech-making. He finds the time of the
Upper Body 'confscated" by statesmen
with views on pressing public questions
unconnected with appropriations.
However deplorable these conditions
may be. from the matter-of-fact stand
point. the able and conscientious Senator
from Maine has no remedy for them.
Nor has anybody else. The Senate IS
the great forum Of debate in our legisla-
tive system. We should not like TO see
the functions Of the Senate curtailed 81
any direction. We do not fear the cen
tralization of oratory I'm the Upper
Chamber. nor do we regard the cuI-
tivation Of the art Of minstrelsy Ia that
body as unwarranted by the Constitution.
As 10 the appropriation bills, We have
no doubt the Senate wiz pass all Of them
I'm the next twenty-five days. whether
well or i'll considered. Let us hope that
some day the biennial March rush may
he done away with. but never al the ex-
pense Of the Senatorial feast Of reason
and flow of soul wberewith we are con-
staHtIy pleased and instructed.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31
Decline of the Drinking Habit.

Prem the Rochester Democrat and Chronicle.
Almost nothing else affords 50 striking
an evidence of the moral Improvement of
the American people as the decline Of
drunkenness and Of drinking How great
has been this decline only persons Of adj
vanced years can fully realize Whether
this is an effect Of the preaching Of tenn
perance or a logical result of experience.
or the spread Of habits OF industry and
thrift or of all these influences, is not
apparent, but the important thing is the
fact itself
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
THE PREMIER.

Oshkosh
There is a name TO laud hi-gosh!
Some yell, I know,
For Kokomo;
But that is plain. unvarnished bosh.
Oshkosh
1t makes ones very blood so swash!
kalamazoo?
IL viii not do;
It's claim 10 fame / hereby quash.
Oshkosh!
Beneath my tongue thy name / slosh!
For titles queer
You have no peer,
But stand alone And that's no JOSH
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31
Invited inside.

Frum the Boston Herald.
The Westminster Cazette's cartOonist
espies Chamberlainite fishing in the
rear Of an insane asylum. a lunatic look
ing out Of the asylum window sings out:
What are you doing there?"
Fishing
Caught anything"
No"
How long have YOU been there?"
A great many years
Come inside" says The lunatic.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

Senator Teller. who has been confined
TO his apartments for several days with a
touch Of the grip, is improving fast in
spite Of his advanced age, which is sew
.enty-seven, and Will resume his seat in q
few days. It is recalled that the Colorado
statesman at one time sat ia the Senate
with five colleagues who had worked side
by side with him on farm in AIegany
County. New York. where he was born
These were Chanee, of Colorado, Beck. OF
Kentucky; Herman, Of New York: Nc
Pherson, of New Jersey. and Cameron. Of
Wisconsin. Mr. Teller is the only one of
this remarkable group now alive They
worked on the same farm together In the
late ffties, and soon after that were
widely separated until they met in the
Senate In 1917.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

unless they by law appoint a different
day" The leaders in Congress ought to
give this subject their serious considera-
ton.
The shOrt-session system may have
been all right in the early days Of the
republic, but il is certainly not in har
mony with present conditions.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

Representative John Garner. Of Texas.
who represents the Brownsville district.
learned at the POst-office Department
yesterday that his own fame grows apace
with that Of the metropolis Of his BALI
wick Mr.. Garner called ON the proper
authority at the department in response
10 the demands Of constituents. for the
purpose Of having his name given 20 the
post-0ffice 20 Doe established al "a new
boom town IN his district He exhibited
petitions and memorials galore. showing
that the voice OF the people who were 10
be served by the new post-omce was that
the name Of their Congressman should poe
bestowed upon it. air Garner is mod
est statesman, but DE obeys the behests
Of his constituents. and he assured the
post-ofiice official that it embarrassed
him 20 make the request. That function
airy brought forth "a list Of post-ofices
i'm Texas ard pointed TO one In a distant
part Of the Lone Star State that already
bears the name Of Garner, which was
( conferred only short time ago. az the
request OF the patrons. The Congressman
was SO covered with confusion that he
left the department in a hurry. He did
not know until that moment that his
fame had flown so far or so fast
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31
The Wings of Time

From HaIpcTa NceSly.
AIethuselah was walking in his garden
MY goodness he exclaimed, suddenly
there's another flower on that century
plant Why It seems but yesterday since
1 plucked blossom from it.
He walked slowly toward an oak tree
20 years old which he had tenderly raised
from an acorn.
All. me- he unused. how time fiies.'
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

more? The ability to dodge and skip
aside when rapidly approached by q
monster with some seven or nine glaring
eyes has long been considered indispensa-
bic by mere pedestrians of the human
kind. Ignorance Of the law excuses no
manor horse.
The struggle for mastery between the
auto and the horse has been long and
stubborn, but the auto evidently has won,
and the erstwhile mobiles of animals"
must come down from his pedestal and
get wise" to the modern trend OF
thought-and the smell OF gasoline.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

'Of the making Of books there is no
end, remarked the person who quotes.
Oats right" responded a hOrsey citi-
zen. Fast as one bO0llie gets enough.
anudder gus is ready 20 step up an oc-
cupy his little stool"
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31
A remarkable achievement.

From the ST. Louis Globs-DemocTat
President Roosevelt has at least sue
oeeded in dividing the solid South on the
race question.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31
Locking for Lost sheep.

fEVGl fuuCls
Laird-WeeI, Macalister. and have you
found any o. those strayed sheep YETI
Macalister-Yess. But I was finding
them all again, sir. whatever. And I did
find two BY itself and one together and
three among one of MacPherson's.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31
ONLY One Theodnre

Arthur Ware, in Boston Herald.
Theodore Roosevelt has become a ma
tional superstition. The other day, in a
lecture. I quoted Emerson's line about
our gift Of God, our Theodore" The
audience applauded with rapture They
thought that Theodore Roosevelt was the
subject of eulogy; they had forgotten
Theodore Parker-had. possibly, never
heard of him.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

From the Charleston News and Courier.
II is curious thing that Federal and
State constitutions are careful to require
that men must reach certain ages before
they can hold such important posts as
that of governor or of judge. Congress
man. or Senator and yet make no dis
tinction or difference between married
men and unmarried men, A bachelor of
forty-five is less trustworthy. as a gen
eral rule than 4 married man of twenty
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

From the st. Louis Republic
Theodore ShOnts resigned his Panama
Canal commission after learning that he
was not the only Theodore on the job.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

shall We get a new name for the
playe"
mo; the old ones all right"
Then ! guess Wee better get a new
play for the name"
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31
Mr. Morgan VIII Wait.

a few days ago a magazine staff cor
respondent called on Senator Morgan.
aged eighty-three. and asked the Alabdm-
ian ii he would not write an article on
the subject of "The Viewpoint of Old
Age"
"a very good topic, indeed. But. young
man, you'll have to- wait until I reach
that age where I can occupy the view
point you suggest Ny colleague viii
reach it before I will see him in about
ten years, and then. if DE won't write
the article you want. I may do It."
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31
4 Mystery.

Our boarding house boasts of a Rallies.
The rest Of US boarders he battles
He hasn't a cent,
He's back with his rent,
And Yet he gets all the hot waffies.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31
Details Desired.

Yes my ancestors came over on the
Mayflower"
First or second cabln?" inquired Mrs.
De Style with a sniff
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

'Mulrooney wud yez Ike a little
drink?
Thanks. Casey. I wud.'
80 wud l.
Then the battle began.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31
MIR. Railey Way Not Come.

II now seems probable that Senator
Bailey viii not be seen I'm his seat this
session, The committee Of the Texas leg
islature which is Investigating the charges
against him at Austin is making such
slow progress that he viii perhaps be kept
at Austin or at other points where the
committee may sit until after the ith Of
March. News reached the Texas delega-
ton yesterday that the committee would
probably send a subcommittee of two or
more 20 New York 20 take testimony and
possibly apply at Standard Oil headuuar-
tiers for the privilege Of investigating that
concerns books and accounts with the
view Of determining whether Senator
Bailey's name appears in any way on the
payroll Il is said if this is done the Sen
ator viii accompany the subcommittee to
New York and will have his lawyers along
to protect his interests
1t is the general opinion amcnE Texans
in Washington that the committee
eventually will acquit Senator Bailey Of
the charges made against him by members
of the Legislature, but that this will not be
done until Congress shall nave adjourned.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31
DRASTIC Treatment.

He rolls his eyes at me"
''WeII?"
i don't like it. What would you dor
Step on one Of them. Then he may
stop"
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

A poet in the American Magazine writes
a poem about wanting to go home" II
really seems a pity that the editor
stopped him.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

quite tie most amusing incident Of the
day is Mr.. Joe Bailey moving along at
two-forty gait, while Mr.. William Ran
tolph Hearst plays checkers on the SEN
..to~iql coat-tail
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

Poor Swettenham. How hard it must be
10 apologize for being a naturai-born
chunlpl
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31
Or PerI.aps Sfxteen

From the SomerviIle Journal.
Once In while you see a girl who
doesn't care if people know how old she
is. She is usually seventeen.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31
A Blessed Cessation.

Count that day coed whose lOH descending sun
SEES IL the Senate ball no oratoTy done
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31
ReprONRI.

From the Louisville CourieT-Jousnal.
The Presidents subsidy message has
met with almost unanimous reproyai.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31
CAPITOL GOSSIP.
Fairbanks Ahead.

At this somewhat unlmportant juncture
Vice President Fairbanks chances TO head
his party's ticket in next years campaign
are concededly better than those Of other
aspirants. At the House end OF the Cap
itol yesterday this admission WAS general
The Senate is, of course, for Mr.. Fair
banks, and has been for him almost from
the day his nomination for Vice President
was decided upon and he agreed TO ac-
cept it, But House Republicans have not
until quite recently recognized the organ
lied strength Of the Fairbanks move
ment While it is true that the Repub-
lican situation is stu confused, due almost
entirely to the lingering conviction in
many sagacious minds that somehow Mr.
Roosevelt viii again be nominated, still
II is pointed out as significant that the
only known vote thus far pledged IS FOR
the Vice President Indiana viii send a
solid delegation or Mr. Fairbanks own
selection 10 the convention. Beveridge
VIII make the nominating speech. Secre-
tary Taft already Is confronted by dis
couraging conditions in Ohio. Kentucky
| Is stirred up for the Secretary of War,
but quiet steps are now being taken 10
check the movement for him there and
divert IL TO Mr. Fairbanks. There IS a
good-sized but noiseless Fairbanks boom
on IN Michigan, and considerable Roadway
has been made for the Vice President by
certain elements ia his party that under
stand how TO secure and hold the South
/ ern delegations. House members are dis
cussing these phases Of the situation with
more interest than anything else pertain
/ ing TO Presidential politics.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

The Dutch Parliament has passed a
law making d. d misdemeanor for one TO
fly over Holland In ava air ship or balloon
Therefore. IL You find yourself possessed
Of an uncomfortable desire 10 fly over
Holland iy in the other dir action-
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

Nevertheless and notwithstanding, it is
not altogether probable that the colored
gentleman in the Brownsville wood pile
has yet been exactly located.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

The Americas tGaJ Times Recorder
SAYS. He who rides on the rail
courts death" only a few people have
had experience riding on "a rail. but, no
doubt, &c IS hazardous.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

January started the year off with a
superintendent supply Of fire, flood, fam
inc, earthquakes, death, destruction, and
fish lies
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

The mau who predicts that we shall
soon be dressed i'm paper probably had in
mind the blanket sheets.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

Well viii the next gentleman please
step up and spend a couple Of weeks act
ing in the capacity Of main guy FOR the
Panama Caual2
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

The Interstate Commerce Commission g
report OF the Standard oil will unuoUbt-
eddy open the flood gates Of Chancellor
Day eIoquence 90 point that viii make
the raging Mississippi look Ike 90 cents.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

The new governor of Pennsylvania has
received over a thousand applications
from gentlemen wanting TO be colonies on
his staff. How much easier the Ken
lucky plan of comforting the title upon
every male child ut birth.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31
When Roosevelt Goe. to lac sennte.

From the Cleveland Leader.
BY the way things are going there viii
be a nice bunch of millionaires in the Sen
ate for Theodore Roosevelt 20 have fun
with by the tine he gets there.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

learned scientific fellow says the
recent earthquakes were the result of the
pernicious activity of the planet Saturn.
Saturn ought 10 DE discharged without
honor, instantly.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

Texas negroes are to hold a convention
for the purpose Of protesting against the
invasion Of the japanese. Is this race
problem about 10 slip its trolley?
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

20 Temporal, o mores," as Mr.. Wallace
probably remarked when he read Mr.
ShOnts' release.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

bomb exploded just outside the palace
gates at Belgrade a few DAYS ago Prob
ably q gentle hint TO King Peter 10 get
a move on
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

Subp0eHas We're issued yesterday by the
Senate Committee on Military Affairs FOR
four or FIVE citizens of Brownsville whose
evidence is wanted In the investigation Of
the Presidents discharge without honor
OF three companies OF the Tweuty-ffth
Infantry. The name Of the intremd Capt
Bill" Mcdonald does not appear on the
list Of those summoned. Senator Fora
ker is member OF the committee He
stated In speech i'm the Senate on the
intcrmnabie Brownsville affair that ne
would very much Ike 70 put Capt. Bill
on the stand and ask him a Few ques-
tiUns. The valOrous Texan has declared
ia newspaper interview that he would
swim the Mississippi TO bee brought face 10
face with the Ohio statesman. Chairman
Warren has thus far directed the making
out Of the subPoenas. and 1t Is said that
he has not consulted Senator Foraker as
20 who should be- brought before the
committee to testify. The Ohioan. it is
understood viii not interfere iu any way
with the chaTmau's prer0gative and he
will wait until the list of witnesses being
made up by Senator Warren is completed
before he VIII examine IT, Then. il he
discovers that the name of the furious
Mcdonald is not upon 1T be may ask that
q summons be issued forthwith FOR the
appearance I'm Washington Of the bellicOse
Texan.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

Great wealth brings anxiety" says the
Baltimore American. All, yes; but then
we try to be as cheerful as we can.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

Palm Beach has an alligator 407 wears
old sui. if il could talk, there would
always be some "old inhabitant' around
who could remember more surprising
things than the alligator ever saw.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

That Massachusetts minister who gave
out hymn zone. d0ubie-oh six 20 his
4 congregation last Sunday evidently had
/ mis- wires crossed
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

Alligator flesh is said to taste like
veal" remarks the Richmond Times-D Dis
patch. Yes, indeed, and what lot OF Gu
rious things are coming to light since the
passage Of the pure-fOod law
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

New York Office, Nassau-Beckman Bldg, LzCoste a
MaLHen Managers
Chicago Orica, Marquette Bldg. LaCoste & Max
ve1 Managers.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

Emperor William sat up all night read
ing the returns, drank beer copiously
and joked loud and long. It's great fun
when things are coming your way
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

a contemporary has an article on How
to Treat Senate. Tillman." Lemonade
apolinaris. buttermiIk. or plain water
that's all he ever takes
The Washington herald., 1907-01-31

Bishop Hamilton rises TO the most sub
lime height of descriptive realism when
he states that ne mad rather undertake
to settle a church row than TO go throug,
another earthquake