The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-03-15
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Ever try an automobile, Judge?"
said friend. NO" replied the judge;
''but I've tried lot of people who
have" ."-Yonkers Statesman.
He-She married a worthless noble
man. She-How did that happen?
He-Despondency. She was Tilted by
her fathers coachman.-Puek.
"Slr!" exclaimed the pompous In
dividual, II am a self-made man." II
accept your apology" murmured he of
the patrician countenance.-Philadel-
phia Record
Guest (studying bill of fare)-Wait-
er, have fifty hellers (ten cents)
tell me what you recommend. Waiter
Try another Weiner
! Caricaturen.
Mary--I hear that the dukes mar
riage to the rich Miss Passay has been
postponed. Jane-Yes, l believe his
creditors have granted him little
more time.-Life.
Tom (proudly) y)-Mlss Pinkleigh has
promised to be my wife. Jack (con-
solingly) )-Oh, don't let that worry you.
Women frequently break their prom
ises.-Chicago Daily News.
! He (bashfully) IZer-kiss,
your hand, Miss Dolly? She-Oh, I
suppose So But 1t would be SO much
easier for me to remove my veil than
my glove.-Chicago Daily News.
Polly-Did you have a good time,
Dolly? Dolly-Did have a good time!
Well, should say | did. got en-
gagged seventeen times, and one of them
is rmanent.-Somerville Journal.
$50 your servant girl has left you
again." said Mrs. Nabor. "Yes," re-
piled Mrs. Sububs. "What was the
matter?" "She didn't like the way
did the work. Philadelphia Press.
Bacon-The police are very consid-
crate Of a poor; homeless tramp IN
New York. Egbert-How so? Bacon
Why, when one goes to sleep on a
park bench the policeman raps him up.
Evening Mail.
Here's something about the Dutch
stealing one of the Philippine Islands.
/ wonder what Uncle Sam will do.
about IT," "Well, it would serve them
right If he refused to take it back" -
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Agent-This Is the automobile you
want. You never have to crawl under
1t to fix 1t. Sparker-You don't?
Agent-No. If the slightest thing goes.
wrong with the mechanism, it instant
ly turns bottom-sde up.-Puck.
De Mutt don't think shall ever
take part In amateur theatricals again.
always feel as though l were making
fool of myself. Miss Hitts-Oh,
everybody knows 1t would be impossible
for you to do that.-Chicago Daily
News.
Flo Chatting with small strangely
Your teacher is a charming young
lady. l suppose you love her very
much? Billy-Steady, steady! D. yeu
think am going to tell you all about
my love affairs ALLY Sloper's Half
Holiday.
Bess-I don't like that Mr.. Cutting.
Jess-That's unkind of you. l heard
him say something awfully sweet about
you yesterday Bess-Oh, did he1
What was 1t? Jessie said he imag-
ined you must have been perfectly
charming as a girl.-Cleveland Leader.
"'Well, he's good man, an I'm
with him. said Mr.. Hennessey. Don't
ye think he's right whin he wants to-
put limit on how much money a
man can haveP Il do said Mr.. DoOley.
but I'd rather put limit on how
little he can have '"-Dooley's Dlsser-
tations
81 had such beautiful dream last
night," said Mrs. Gettinrich. II dream
ed that | had died and gone to heav-
en- "And was it anything like the
poets and painters have pictured itf'
"Not bit. 1t was just like New York,
with endless rows of theaters and
restaurants. Chicago Record Herald.
why" said the traveller, "do you
attach so much attention to the dragon?
Don't you know there is no such crea-
tureT' "My dear SIR answered Mr..
Ii Lo, the eminent Chinese philoso-
pher, "I often find the Goddess of Lib
erty depicted on your public emblems.
Yet have found 1t impossible to meet
the lady personally Washington
Star.
Visitor to the West Indies (who has
been warned against bathing in the
river because of alligators but has been
told by the boatmen that there are
none at the rivers mouth) BY Jove,
this is ripping! But, | say, how do
you know there are no alligators here?
Boatman-Well. you see, sab. de alli-
gator am so turr'ble feared OBJ de
shark. Punch.