The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1907-03-29

the beast in the gallery
The look in his eyes changed to re-
lief and contemptUous approval. 4
There was a murmur of derision from /
my fellow members. Then 1 remem- +
bered that negative was, at that
stage of the BILL a vote for it had 7
DONE just the reverse of what in !
tended. The roll-caH went on, and /
sat debating with myself Prudence, I
inclination, the natural timidity of /
youth, the utter futility of opposition, I
fear, above all else, fear-these join I
ed in bidding me let my vote stand /
as cast On the other side stood my
notion of self-respect. l felt l must I
then and there and for ever decide !
whether l was thing or man. Yet, /
again and again | had voted for meas
ures just as corrupt-had voted for
them with no protest beyond cyni-
cal shrug and a wry look. Every man,
even the laxest, if he is to continue
to count as one" must have a point
where he draws the line beyond which
he will not go. The liar must have
things he will not lie about, the thief
things he will not steal, the compro-
miser things he will not compromise,
the practical man OF the pulpit in
politics, in business, in the profess
sor's chair, or editorial tribune, things
he will not sacrifice, whatever the
cost. That is practical honor" r
had reached my line of practical
honor, my line between possible COM
| promise and certain decentralization.
And l realized it.
When the roll-call ended l rose,
and, in voice that 1 knew was firm
and clear, said: "Mr. Speaker, /
voted in the negative by mistake l
wish my vote to be recorded in the
affirmative. / am against the bill"
Amid fearful silence I took my
seat. With suddenness that made
me leap, a wild and crazy assembly
man, noted as the crank Of that ses-
sion, emitted a fantastic yell Of en-
thusiastic approval. Again there was
that silence; then the tension of the
assembly. floor and crowded galleries.
burst forth in storm Of hysterical
laughter.
I wish l could boast how brave
felt as I reversed my vote, how in.
different to that tempest of mockery,
and how strong as | went forth to
meet my master and hear my death.
warrant But / can't, in honesty-Tm
only a human being, not a hero, and
these are my confessions, not my
professions. So ! must relate that,
though the voice that requested the
change Of vote was calm and cour.
ageous, the man behind it was agi.
tated and sick with dread. There may
be those who have the absolute cour
age some men boast-if not directly
then by implication in despising him
who has it not. For myself, / must
say that l never made a venture-and
my life has been a succession OF ven
lures, often with my whole stake upon
the table, never made a venture
that l did not have sickenfng sensa
ton at the heart. My courage, If il
can be called by 50 sounding a name
has been in daring to make the throw
when every atom of me was shrek
ing: You'll lose! You'll be ruinedl"
/ did not see Dominick until aftel
scene-indeed, l had been hoping h,
| would insult me- When one lack
the courage boldly to advance alon,
the perilous course his intelligenc,
counsels, he is lucky If he can and
2 will goad some one into kicking him
along it past the point where retreat
' is possible. Such methods of advance
are not dignihed, but then, is life dig
} nihed? To my surprise and alarm,
: Dominick refused to kick me into
, manhood. He had been paid, and the
} $4,000, in bills of large denomination
> were warming his heart from the in,
' ner pocket of his waistcoat. So he
: came up to me scowling, but friendly
5 why didn't you tell me you want
( ed to be let off, Harvey" he said, re
/ proachfully. I'D a done it. Now
:, damn you, you've put me in a place
where I've got to give you the
: whip
To flush at this expression from
? Dominick was a hypocritical refine
\ ment of sensitiveness. To draw my
!. self up haughtily, to turn on my hee
;, and walk away-that was the Stiffness
q of boy. Still, am glad did bott
a these absurd things. When l tolt
! my mother how l had ruined myself
y in politics she began to cry-anC
tears were not her habit. Then sht
got my fathers picture and kissed i
? and talked to it about me, just as i
he were there with us; and for
: time felt that / was Of heroic stat
: ure.
: But as the days passed, with NJ
: laurels in the form of cases and fees
: and as clients left me through fear o
:, Dominick's power. l shriveled bacl
: to human size and descended from
: my pedestal. From the ground-leve
l began again to look about the mat
ter-of-fact world
saw I las making only a frs
small payment on the heavy price 70