davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03
PARCELS POST PLAN

IF Postmaster General Won Meyer be
4 able to bring congress around to
l. view the matter in the right way,
a practical parcels post service under
national control will be not only a
monument to his services. but his
administration will be entitled to the
credit of having brought about the
establishment of an institution of pub
lie utility for which Americans have
been clamoring for a generation.
During the recent meeting of the
New England Postmasters' association
in Boston Mr.. Won Meyer delivered an
address in which he strongly advocated
the establishment OF such system.
Referring to the fact that not only are
the express companies bitterly apposing
any governmental departure which will
charging exorbitant rates for the trans
portation of small packages from one
point to another throughout the coun-
try, but that the small storekeepers
and retailers in rural districts, prof1ting
by the history of the inroads upon their
business which have been made by the
big mail order" houses of the country,
are also lining up against the measure
proposed; the head of the postal service
indicated that he had worked out a
plan which in his opinion would meet
the objections of the latter class. He
will recommend that the proposed law
contain a provision for the transmits
sion from mail order houses Of pack
ages weighing eleven pounds or less at
the rate of 12 cents per pound, where
such packages are addressed to patrons
receiving their mail at city postoffices,
while for delivery from the distribute
ing offices Of the rural route, or if
mailed by a patron of any rural route
for delivery to a patron on the same
route, or at the distributing postofflce
Of said route, the charge will be but
5 cents for the first pound and cents
for each additional pound up to eleven
pounds, or 25 cents for package
weighing eleven pounds" Mr.. Won
Meyer is also considering the advisa-
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03
INOFFENSIVE JAPS

1T has not taken the 'inoffensive"
Japanese long to catch on to the
Il blind pig" idea He is working it
up to point never dreamed of in the
philosophy of the avaricious American
whose activities in this direction serve
as his model. He is more than an imi-
tator. The Jap blind piggist can give
his American rival cards and spades
and big and little casino and still score.
Think of thirty-three of these Illicit
resorts, all operated by representatives
of the race of which the American
bread winner is growing jealousy sus-
picious, answering the summons of
majestic Law all at one fell swoop!
Thirty -three-count 'em-thirty-three,
all innocent, inoffensive, harmless,
innocuous. tame little Japs; poor, perse-
cuted Japs, ridden on rail out of San
Francisco. possibly, and coming to Los
Angeles, which proudly boasts of it's
hospitality-cominS to Los Angeles to
earn livelihood through the practice
of blind piggery, and falling victims to
the craftiness of jealous rivals of the
lighter race!
Poor, inoffensive Japs! We wonder
if white man would do such thing,
and, If caught at it, would suffer the
fate of the Jap.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03
SPEED MANIA

IN HE increasing frequency of auto
mobile accidents in Los Angeles Is
u presenting to the local authorities
problem that must be solved sooner
or later, and the longer the inevitable
is put off the greater is the chance that
more lives and limbs will be sacrificed
to the inordinate passion for speeding
which has obsessed some owners of
high power machines.
There is not shadow OF doubt that
the great majority of automobile own
ers in this city will cheerfully cooper
ate with the proper authorities for the
reduction of the menace OF speeding
machines, If permitted to do so. The
percentage of men fortunate enough to
own automobiles who knowingly violate
the ordinance regulating speed upon
the streets is small. When one acci-
dent follows another as the result of
racing through crowded thoroughfares
it is the source of small wonder that
the masses of people thoughtlessly con-
denim the entire automobile owning
class, visiting the sins of the few upon
the heads of all.
The automobile has come to stay. 1t
is no longer an experiment. Neither is
it toy. 1t has taken it's place among
the necessary utilities Of the age, and
as such should receive all the protec-
ton and encoura cement that the law
allows. But when few men who have
gone wild over the sport" of launch
ing their machines, like projectiles from
catapults, through streets which are
occupied, thereby risking the life OF
every human being who may be in or
near their path, it is time that drastic
measures for their apprehension and
punishment we're adopted. The speedo-
maniac is criminal at heart regard
less of the texture or cut of his cloth
ing or the figures found next to his
name on the assessment rolls, and he
should be treated as such. Those auto
mobile owners who recognize the justice
of and live within the laws intended
to govern their use OF the streets will
rejoice every time defer of the law is
brought sharply to book; for this class
realizes that it is pretty sure to be
involved in the hasty judgment Of the |
masses every time the newspapers
report disaster due to violation of the |
speed ordinance.
Scant courtesy should be extended to
the speedomaniac.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03
CUNNING ACCIDENTS

4 BOUT now look out for the item
concerning the man who gets
Ia out of a wagon and pulls loaded
shotgun out after him. You will get
full particulars, down to the funeral
arrangements. Last Sunday two men
in buggy were driving along a trail
In the San Fernando wash. Both had
old-fashioned hammer guns and both
weapons were at full cock. When these
two gunners were questioned they dis
played deplorable ignorance of the game
laws. Neither of them possessed a
license to hunt nor had they heard of
the license regulation.
Some day d terrible story will come
in about the shooting of cne of this
class. The man who crawls under a
fence and drags his loaded gun after
him has survived thus far this season,
but he will arrive. without fail.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03
Ganderbone Forecasts Events
For Month Of November
Old Philosopher Sees Things as They Will Appear
in Frozen East-Foretells Frost While Californians
Bask in Smiles of Indian Summer Sun

This will be a very busy month. The
trusts Will try and arrange 1t so nobody
can live, the moon will be full on the
10th, and the wolf will take up it's winter
quarters on the front porch,
Hurrah, we'll all sit down to feast
Within three weeks or so
The rich will have their turkey then,
However high they 60
But most of us will sit around
And eat piece OF crow.
And then December will arrive. with
wintry winds and raw, the papers will be
busy then retrying Harry Thaw; the boys
will 60 to Sunday school a-flyine then,
because 1t won't be very long until they
hear from Santa Claus.
Progressive Dominocards parties will be
the rage this winter. The sale of this
new household game is breaking all rec
ords. Dominocards make an attractive
Christmas present, to test the skill of
adults or amuse the children. Sent post
paid for so cents. Sample piece and par
ticnlars free. More agents wanted. Write
today. Dominocards Co., 1907 Chouteau,
st. Louis, Mo.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03

bility of recommending local par
cells post delivery at city free delivery
postoffices.
The country is practically unit in
demanding relief from the oppression
of the express companies, and such a
plan as that outlined by the postmaster
general cannot fail to receive the enthu-
siastic support of the great majority
Of American citizens. The only oppo-
sition will be found among the express
companies and perhaps a few short
sighted and supremely selfish small
country merchants whose range of
vision is bounded by the tips of their
noses. Every member OF each branch
of the congress understands that
ninety-nine out of every hundred of
his constituents would demand, if con-
suited on the subject, that he earnestly
seek the enactment of just such law
as that outlined by Mr. Won Meyer.
Those representatives and senators who
oppose any measure to this end must
suffer the brand of infamy which
adorns the receding brow of Tom Platt,
chief of the clique of express company
attorneys which for years past has
encompassed the defeat of every parcels
post law considered by congress.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03
HIGH NOON

Noon, and the boilers whistle
Blows such :. welcome blast
That Kelly laughs with Murphy,
And the dago smiles at last;
For the morning has been sultry
And Celt to dago man
Has not been very kindly
liol for the foaming can.
Says Kelly to the dago.
AS Murphy gives ten cents:
yell have a drink now wild us
And receive our compliments
Yer name is Nlcolini
And our nickel's named for you;
Faith, we'll blew we off, ye dago,
To a drink OF beer or two!
80 rush the can, Pietro,
And forgit the wor-r-rds l said.
When I knocked ye off the ladder,
When me fut stamped on yer head.
Sure the mornin was a scorcher,
And 1t het me, dago man.
But I'm bearin' no har-r-rd feelin's-
Get a move on-rush the cant
New York Times.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03
OUR POPULARITY

:" ERALD subscribers are
II asked to be patient if they
- do not receive their maga-
zine with today's paper. This
section has proved a feature even
more attractive than was antici-
pated and, as a consequence, the
subscription and advance orders
during the latter part of the week
have far exceeded Our most
sanguine hopes. About 1000 ex-
ira copies were run off, but those
were engaged in advance and
about 1000 of our patrons will not
receive their magazines. The
Herald regrets the disappoint-
ment thus caused, but it will not
occur again. The presses will
be called on to run much larger
number each succeeding week
and no one will be compelled to
go without the magazine next
Sunday.
Credt as were the expectations,
the new Herald, at the reduced
price, has far overleaped them.
New subscribers will possibly ex-
perience a little delay in delivery
of their morning paper, because
the rapid increase in subscrip-
tions has been a great burden
Upon carriers and route men.
The circulation departments or
ganization is as near perfect as
it can humanity be, but the in
crease is more rapid than the
force expected.
Routes are being shortened and
within a week everyone will re-
ceive the paper fresh, crisp and
full of cleancut news every morn
ing.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03
WITH THE POETS
the WAY HE USED TO DO

Sometimes when come in at night
And take my shoes off at the stair
hear my pop turn on the light
And holler; william, are you therer
And then he says: You go to bed
1 knew that stealthy step was YOU"
And I asked how, and then he said:
"'Cause that's the way used to do"
Sometimes when 1 come home at six
O'Clock and hurry up my chores,
And get big armful of sticks
OF wood and bring 1t all indoors.
My pop he comes and feels my head
And says: You've been in swimmin'-
your
When I asked him how he knew. he said:
"'Cause that's the way used TO do"
Sometimes before a circus comes.
When Pm as wilDng as can be
To do my chores and all my chums
They all take turns at helping me,
My pop he pats me on the head
And says: "You like circus. too?'
When asked him how he knew, he said:
'''Cause that's the way used to do"
And lots OF times when he gets mad
Enough to whip me- and declares
He never saw another lad
Like 1 am-well. at last he spares
Me from whipping and he lays
His rawhide down. II can't whip you
For that, although l should" he says
"'Cause that's the way 1 used to do"
w. Foley in New York Times.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03
The TYPEWRITER GIRL

See the busy typist girl
AS she pounds the keys,
Printing others thoughts
with apparent ease.
Sometimes printing other things
Because of laok of care,
And thus producing in her boss
A strong impulse to swear.
See her with her gulleless face.
Making her excuse:
II had 1t on my notes, you see,'
The boss-"Oh, what's the use?'
g A. Boyd In Harpers Weekly.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03
THE BROOK


know a brook,
Hid in a nook,
Just at the foot OF a hill;
Fringlng it's edge,
Cattails and sedge
Whisper and bend at Its Will.
Each crystal pool,
Gilvery and cool,
Flashes with minnows alway;
AS in a dream
Dragon flies CLEAN
Gorgeous in elhn array.
Soft on its breast
Cool shadows rest,
Lacy with white alder plumes;
Faint as a sigh
Thrush lullaby
Sounds in the green woodland glooms.
A locust note
From copse remote
Bridgeth the noon with Its thrill;
No shade of fear
Comes thee anear,
Bright little brook by the hill.
Mary e. Killilee.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03
UncIe's Manners

Amt it proper when you're eating cheese
with pie to take the cheese in your fngers?'
asked the Chicago man.
YES uncle" replied his niece; ''but 1t isn't
proper to take the pie in your fingers"
"Oh, l never do, dear. 1 always use my
knife!'-YoDkers Statesman.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03

@ Business men who wish to send Z
@ the announcements of their bar 4
@ gains to the class with the largest 4
g purchasing power Will find the ad-
@ vertising columns of The Herald 4
@ productive of immediate results.
@ The Herald not only has a steadily
@ increasing street and news stand
@ sale but 1T goes into the homes. 1t (
@ is clear, crisp and clean.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03

Does Secretary Loeb know how immf-
nent his peril when he tells that story
about killing cassowary in the wilds
of Wyoming? Many man has been
chucked into the nature fake club for
less than that.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03
Slot Machines

Mrs Flatt-Did you drop nickel in the tele-
phone this morning, dear?
Mr.. Flatt-Yes
And did you put a quarter in the gas me-
ter?"
Sure! And 1 slipped dollar in the jani-
tors pocket. so perhaps well get some steam
heat today."-Yonl.ers Statesman.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03

The president killed him bear,
Then sprang just five feet in the air,
While the amateur, Loeb,
With the patience Of Job,
Kept nosing about in despair
Until that cassowary foolishly crossed
his path.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03
FUNNYGRAPHS
Didn't Look Pleasant

Bacon-Did you take this picture of you
thermometer last summer?
"Egbert-Yes, ] did.
1T shows that the thing registered 90.
Sure thing"
why didn't you ask it to look pleasant?"-
Yonkers Statesman
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03

Some of those strangers you see on
the street are tourists, but bear in
mind the fact that a large percentage
of them are colonists. They are here
to stay.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03

The conundrum editor of the usually
dignified Railway Age propounds this:
DO reductions in freight rates benefit
the public?" The audience arises as
one man and declares that as it has
never had an opportunity to find out
1t cannot tell.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03
An Honest Boy

''Do you keep SKINNED milk?" asked the lady
entering the dairy.
mo, ma am replied the boy behind the
counter; I'VE sell all our SKINNED milk and
keep the unskimmed for our own use e'-Yonk-
ers Statesman.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03

Emperor William is reported to be
suffering severely from throat trouble
again. He should come to California
and be cured.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03
squashviIle's Rapid Growth

Mrs. Harrow--H.ram, this 'ere paper says
that the rald growth of nails is an INDICATION
of health.
the clerk down at the village store told me
they had sold a hull barrel of nails this year
Yonkers Statesman.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03
Warlike japan

Mrs. Crimsonbeak-I see Japan Is perhaps the
only country in the world where the fashions
in womenp dress have not changed materially
in 2500 years.
Mr. Crimsonbeak-I should think that was
enough to start a fight-Yonkers Statesman.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03
Frank. Il Not Pleasant

''Wiil these goods change color?" asked the
woman with the strawberry blonde hair to the
clerk In the depai tment store.
'They will II you treat EN- the same you
do your hair. ma am" was what the man said
In reply.-Yonkors Statesman.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03

The price Of milk goes up; the price
of butter, which is made from milk,
for all we know, goes down at the same
time. This condition OF the markets
is at least as closely related as second
cousin to paradox.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03
Rahv,s WAY

Mrs. Crinsonbeak-Did you know, John, that
the smallest bone In your body IL contained In
the drum OF your ear?
Mr.. Crimsonbeak-Well, I suppose L must
have stuck 1t there when was a baby.-Yonk-
ers Statesman.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03
Tableau Time

do you know that Mr.. softmann was Just
speaking tor asked the lady at the tea to one
standing next to her.
''Oh yes
II suppose he says those sweet things TO all
the women he meets?"
mo. he never says them to me-
"Indeedl And you know him?"
'Oh, yes I'm his wife!"-Yonkers States
man.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03

The New York World intimates that
Hartman is a victim of government
by newspapers" Hardly of govern
ment--just of trial.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03

The demand for labor Of all kinds,
especially in California, Oregon and
Texas, knocks the props from under
the vociferous calamity howler.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03
Too Short

Bacon-What do you think of the new four
day ocean greyhound?
Egbert-Don't think much of it..
''And why not p
Don't give fellow chance to get over his
attack of seasickness before his friends are
meeting him at the pier.-Yonkers Statesman
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03

Los Angeles is being almost swamped
by tourists. If this thing keeps up we
shall have to build "A Chinese wall
around the city.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03

Affinities never grow wild. They are
not Indigenous. 1t takes spiritual
Burbank to produce them.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03

Now that Hartman has been rele-
gated to one lone railway system, is
he to become Morgans chief rival at
solitaire?
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03
SizInq Up a Voic,

Patience-What do you think of Peggy's sing
ing7
Patrice-shes got such a little voice.
do you think so?
Indeed do. Why, at musicale the other
night, when Pegyg began to sing. a lot of
women. in an adjoining room jumped on chairs
because they thought It was mouse squealing
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03
Not Worrying Him

Wonder what that we had for break
fast this morning. said the wife to her hus-
band on shipb0ard
''oh, is that troubling you yet, dear?" replied
the husband, looking railward; II gave 1t up
long agov-Yonkers Statesman.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03

The hardest kickers we shall see this
month will be those who elevate the
leather ball.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03

Those MONDAY prayer meetings in
Wall street are once more being well
attended. They are great desiderata.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03
Plenty of Work

Hear you've been looking for work today,
Sam?"
Yes sab; dat's right. sah."
''Dd you find any, Sam7'
'Oh. yes, sab; found more work dan d keep
de ole womin busy for week, sahg-Yonkers
Statesman.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03

The ST. Louis balloon races have
been dramatized already. Best seats
in the galleries.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03

A typographical error in headline
appearing in an exchange makes 1t
read "Wai1 street, But perhaps 1t
was not an error, after all.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03

Yes. bucket shops come within the
pale of the law.
Los Angeles herald., 1907-11-03

{" ERALD subscribers are
II asked to be patient if they
IL do not receive their maga-
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1907-05-03
My Best Friend.

Alexander Benton, who lives ON
Rural Route 1, Fort Edward, ".
Y, says: "Dr, Kings New Dis
covery 10 my best earthly friend
1t cured me OF asthma six years
ago. It has also performed o
wonderful cure Of incipient con-
sumption for my sons wife. The
frst bottle ended the terrible cough
and this accomplished, the other
symptoms left one by ono, until
she was perfectly we'll. DR.. Kings
New ~Discovery's power over
coughs and colds Is simply mar
velous." No other. remedy has
ever equaled 1t. Fully guaranteed
by Crump & Kidwell, druggists.
5Oc. and 81. Trial bottle free,
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1907-05-03
"HUsrLE OR TAKE A BACK SEAT
FRIDAY, MAY 8, 1907
That Enterprisina (D Webster.

The TRIBUNE has made quite a
reputation for turning out fine
commercial printing and believes
in advertising. We have from
time to time displayed our wares
before the people, not only by the
goods themselves but by using onr
newspaper space with both display
ads and local readers. About as
fast as we would set up an ad the
Enterprise would come along and
Gift" it. We reminded that
journal that we objected, but
would forgive him if he cared to
plead that he supposed he was
using something that "was going
the rounds of the country PRESS"
ect. But as one sin usually leads the
sinner to commit another one to
get out of it, it is not surprising
that Webster should deny that he
is guilty of "lifting" our rubbish.
Now we do not claim there is
anything particularly meritor-
ious about our writing, indeed
most of it is very common. For
instance, here is one that the
Enterprise Gifted bodily" before
it was barely cold, and surely he
could have written q better one
without half trying:
The TRIBUNE is thoroughly
equipped for turning out the latest
and best in job and commercial
printing. Call and see samples of
stationery we have turned out
recently. We have q nice stock of
fat, ledger, linen and bond paper.
Neatly printed stationery tells it's
own storp.
He simply substituted the name
of his paper and gifted" the rest,
to- wit:
The Enterprise is thoroughly
equipped for turning out the latest
and best in job and commercial
printing. Call and see samples of
stationery we have turned out
recently. We have a nice stock of
hat, ledger, linen and bond paper.
Neatly printed stationery tells it's
own story.
The Enterprise is still running
this one, and others might be
cited. Now we know we wrote
these readers, and we allege that
Webster is "lifting" them. We
are willing to leave it to a jury of
literary men, as to whether or not
there is evidence to ''show" that
this allegation is true.
The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1907-05-03
WORK OF THE PEAcEMAkER.
IdIer Can at Least Lay Ono Good
Deed to His Soul.

II fatter myself that I played
rather an important and BENEVOLENT
role tonight" averred the man.
with the liver. ga party of us was
in a cafe. Among us was a beau
tiful young woman. l sat a little
apart with a friend, who presently
exclaimed:
"'Lookl What's the matter with
her?'
"And I looked just in time to sec
her fall back in her chair in a dead
faint.
eve rushed to revive her. When
she came to it was found that, she
had seen her husband come into the
cafe with another girl on his arm.
That was why she tainted. They
had been estranged and separated
for several months. Now you know
lit must have nearly broken her
heart to see him with another girl
if it made her faint. Somehow it
made me feel bad. I went over
and sat down by her.
"sDo. you want to talk with
him?' I asked.
Eyes she answered.
We'll, them said I, you shall
with that I marched myself
over to her husband, a handsome
fellow very well dressed, and
brought him to her. He had eth
,eS seen her faint, or heard of it.
He wa quite ready and willing to
come.
"You know, he never went back
Ito the other girl. He made ar
arrangements with some friends Of
his to take her home. he went
home with his wife, both happy al
latks, but not until he had treat
ed the crowd Of us right royalty"