The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-06-02
<<yx1yBLL, Sir" said MT. Dooley.
 X/ q see me frind Tiddy

2
 N/ q see me frind Tiddy
 W Rosenfelt has been doin' A little lithry criticism, an an tn hos pitals are full iv mangled authors. In next time wan iv thim nature authors roes out into tn woods lockin' t'r his pgey he Il go on erutches
 "What's it about?" asked MT. HeH- messy
 "'Twas this way" said MT. Dooley. q have 1t firm Hogan, me lithry ad- wiser. He keeps me posted on what's goin' on in lithrachoor, an l do tn same fir him on crime. I've always got a little somethin' that's excitin' comein to me, but this time has male good. It seems, ye see, that good nanny iv tn la-ads that write tn books have been lavin' tn tn route of tn throlley yline an takin' to tn woods. They quit Myrtle an Clarence an tn wrong done to Oscar Lumlovitch be tn brutal foreman iv lard tank nine, an wint to wurruk on tn onhappy love affairs iv Carrie Boo, tn deer, an tn throubles in tn domestic relations iv tn pan fish an tn skate. F'r tn last tn on'y books that Hogan has told me about have been wrote about animiles. I've always thought iv tn beasts iv tn forest prowlin' aroun' an takin' a leg off a man that'd been sint to Coronado fr his lungs. But these boys tell me they're diff'rent in their home life. They fall in love, get marrid an di- yoorced, bring up families, an are sup ported or devoured be thim, as tn case may be, accumylate money, dodge taxes, dhrink to excess, an an iyry way act like human beins. I wudden't be surprised to know that a bear had n tillyphone in his room, an that tn gopher complained iv his gas bills.
 "Ivry time I go up into tn park to see me old frind tn illyphant I won- dher what dhreams ar-re going on be- hind that nose iv his that he uses akelly as a garden hose, a derrick, or a knife an fork. Is he recallin' tn happy days at Barnum's befure brutal man sunk an ice pick into him an dhrove him to tn park? Is there some wan still there that he thinks iv? Is she alive, is she dead, does she iver dhream iy him as she ates her hay an rubs her back again tn bars iv he: gilded cage? There's tn hippy- potamus. He don't look to be full iv sentiment, but ye never can tell. Nanny an achin heart beats behind cold an sloppy exteeryor. Somewhere in sunny Africa loving family may be waitin' fir him. Tn wallow at tn river side is there, with tn slime an ooze arranged be finder paws. But he will not return. They will meet, but they will miss him, there will be wan vacant lair
 Well, Sir, just as I'd got to tn frame iv mind whin I'm thinkin' iv askin' that gloomy lookin' alligator in tn park up to spind an avenin with he, along comes Tiddy Rosenfelt an says there's nawthin' in it. It's hard On tn boys. They ar-re doin' tn best they can. Ye can't expect an author to lave his comfortable flat an go lAree or four thousand miles to larn whether tn hayro iv his little love story murdhers his uncle be bitin' him abaft tn, ear or be fellin' him with a half Nelson an hammer-lock. Why should he? Who wud feed tn goold fish while he was gone? No, sir, he does just right. Instead iv venturin' into tn wilds an p'raps bein' ct up be wan iv his fav'rite charackters, he calls IT some tea an toast, jabs his pen in- to th' inkwell, an writes: Victhry Xas not long in tn grasp iv tn whale.
 lure he cud rayturn to his burrow
 sky Bicuspid had seized him be tn
 an dashed his brains out again
 '. With leap in tn air tn bold