davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1907-06-04
4 FUNNY THING

lstt was a .'poem" printed In Judge ana
3ssbro duced In an Iowa paper. It re-
/ led Johnny's experience keeping q
4 Ary Johnny turned the water on
tile bath room and drowned the
/ lis beneath" he "collared pas ci-
rs, the family was distrained for
/, HI the cook fired the china at
I koni, 81 head, cook stole the silver.
Ire Il bulldog bit the landlord, baby
IHhnbled OFF the roof, mother brought
HI nr divorce, and at the end of each
snz 4 OF alleged verse is reference
talyproved slang to father being at
hue With tag asouse," load"
Huh etc And this is what a pro-.
|ssse,ily funny paper calls humor and
Slac .epted as such by the paper that
3pri its It for the delectation and BEN
81 its clientele. II
! IL there Is; anything that falls short
Tx. funny tits the mess this alleged
lin 4 writer has served UP to amuse
III edify. If it approaches humor at
IL q comes closest to the pathetic u
9TH style OF counterfeit humor that;
htiibutes the theme Of the "illustrat-
tcfmic section an ACCUMULATION that
B sorI par with vicious companion
sr in Its suggestive effect on chill
E In. The fact Is, as moments an
/. ksh, will show that the verses are
& bai. as humorous and excru ciatingly
& anil as the sight of a drunkard in
Il 4 utter or of a husband beating his
wi thout a desire to criticise Others.
k ,eimes-Republican doesn't believe
ST such stuff is funny or At for sts
sstciial page Its conception Of the
btiyes Of laughter and merriment are
i tys different from that of the writer
Ii saw something intensely funny in
3dr anken father, divorce suit, g
sslevir,g cook. and a family fight, in the
4 hrs 8 Of which
pp hit the house last night, loaded
UP for bear, /.
dot next his whiskers and yaraked
out all his hair,
Eens her right with all her might In
his eye she drove"
bah! cut it out! It wouldn't bring
laugh in a, cheap variety hail.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1907-06-04
Pomeroy, Iowa.
Well Censored.

"When Maxim Gorky dined with me-.
said a literary New Yorker, "he talked
about tfie3Russian censorship.
"He said that in the course Of the
Russo Japanese war he had occasion
in an article to describe the headquar-
tiers OF one OF the grand dukes. He
wrote of thees headquarters, among
other things:
And over the desk OF his highness'
tent is a large photograph OF Marie Ia
Jambe, the beautiful ballet dancer
Before this article could appear, the
censor changed that sentence to:
"'And over the desk in his hfghness'
tent is large map of the theater OF
war"
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1907-06-04
SNAPSHOTS.

(Sioux City JournaD
It Is a torment to a. sluggish mind to
be behind on orders.
A square man may be good il he
doesn't look 1t,
It is easier to learn text than to
apply It,
The country is full of speakers hav-
ing the courage of the box office
Much that lis read of Mary's little
lamb is tough mutton.
When a man says he's feelin finer
than fun it's safe to ask him to take
drink.
Many men are depressed because
they are overbalanced with serious
ness.
fWitt cheaper fares the trip is
heightened.
When it's time, for the young man
to go the girl should get up and dust.
The way to get children to go to
sleep is to tell them something Is COM
ing to them in the morning, and that
is the way to keep old people awake.
Y A beer that does not intoxicate does
not fill long felt want.
People who are fighting their way
are not trying to look beautiful.
II The best disposition is ruffled by
stubbing the, toe in a chase for a street
car.
Some people are SO proud because
they can go to sleep quickly that they
snore instantly to signalize their
achievement.
A man who can walk erect under a
sack Of flour will stagger under pint
Of liquor.
People who don't know what they
are good for can't find out by in
squiry.
It is fortunate for men that dogs do
not sickle for the policy Of reciproc-
ity
Nothing looks so tired as a whisky
smile
When a man gets consistency on the
brain he hasn't time for anything
else.
1t is easier to compromise than it is
to fall over a precipice. Fl
Error is stubborn, but in every reach
Of time it is threshed out Of its
boots.
When people are reduced to a razor
for companionship the police should
call on them.
1t is discouraging to have lovely
peekaboo waist and have nothing but
a cold wind going on.
A man with a glass eye is half I'M
clined ITO believe that throwing stones
is immoral.
There ARE women so prudent that
Just before their husbands get to the
point Of climbing the stepladder they
remember neglected duty In another
part of the house.
When the house is cleaned the job
is to see that the men are in proper
form before they enter.
A woman on the street can carry
any number of things and still keep
up with the conversation.
Every proud horse views the auto
mobile with suspicion.
A Memorial day procession is re-
minder that the war was long time
ago.
There is something almost human In
the complaint Of the tomato plant that
the tomato crop is likely to fail.
The higher the fence the more peace
full the neighborhood.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1907-06-04
only one "erono ouinine"

That is laxative brono quinine. Sim
fairly named remedies sometimes
deceive. The first and original Cold
Tablet is white package with black
and red lettering, and bears the sig
nature OF e. w. Grove. csc.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1907-06-04
Wayside communinas.

Hamp Rhodes--"Y gu look tired"
Jim Towne Tim not exactly tired,
but I'm IN a state of unrest. Is. there
any joint around here where we can
get a free drink 2"
.usu1 70 etl1os 70 p1oq leS o. suIlselel
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1907-06-04
Toniaht,

If you would enjoy tomorrow take
Chamberlain's Stomach and Liver
Tablets tonight. They produce an
agreeable laxative effect, clear the head
and cleanse the stomach. Price 30
cents. Samples free at all drug stores.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1907-06-04
THE INFLUENCE OF IOWA.


Many explanations are being offered
for Iowa's declining influence at Wash
ington. 1t seems to be accepted that
Iowa's influence is declining.
The Register and Leader does not
believe in jumping at conclusions 1t
is true the state does not have the
speakership Of the house, nor is an
Iowa secretary Of the treasury. But
in what way did Iowa exert any infiu-
ence as a state thru the speakership
or the treasury department? There was
a feeling of state pride gratified, but
that was ALL
At the very time when this COM
plant is made President Roosevelt Sc
lects Iowa for illustration. Why is
Iowa chosen for the forty-five states !?
Not because some one or two Iowans
have been lucky enough to secure Off
cial recognition, but because Iowa has
been doing things. Iowa's influence
was never greater than when in
speech that will dominate a presiden-
president as model for others to pat
tern after
Official distinctions at Washington
come and go. 1hey do not Delong 70
the state. The state is neither more
Influential because Of them nor less
influential when in the shifting Of poll.
tics they pass. Iowa's influence is the
product Of Iowa thought and Iowa ac-
tfon. and Governor Larrabee in retire
meht may have done more for Iowa
Influence than Colonel Henderson las
speaker Of the house.
Nothing comes easier than to say
there We're giants in those days. 1t is
the habit of every generation. The
golden age Is always In the past And
yet. strange as it may seem, the world
Is always growing better and making
| progress Iowa never had so much In
f1uence as now. And Iowa will have
more influence tomorrow than yester-
Iday.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1907-06-04
Not the Real Thing:

$50 this is the opal ring Mr.. Porr-
ley gave you?" said Miss Bright exam
ming it. Are you-er-pleased with
it?"
90, yes" replied Miss Dumley. but
YOU know the old superstition about
opals. I'm afraid it'll bring me bad
luck"
"But-er- this can't bring you any
thing worse than an imitation of bad
luck
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1907-06-04
often The Kidneys Are
Weakened BY Over Work.

Unhealthy Kidneys Make Impure Blood.
It used to be considered that only
urinary and bladder troubles were to be
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1907-06-04

traced to the kidneys,
but now modern
science proves that
nearly all diseases
have their beginning
in the disorder of
these most important
organs.
The kidneys filter t.
and purify the blood
that is their works
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1907-06-04
FOR BETTER, NOT FOR WORSE

While this is an age of exposures.
it should be borne in mind that the
evils which are daily set forth in the
neWspar ms of the country do not con-
stitute all Of American life. It is only
the l per cent, perhaps, that is, evil
and that 1 per cent fills 80 per cent
Of the space in the public prints: The
ninety and nine men who are honest
or decent in their lives occupy no
space under glaring headlines. We
Judge the whole world by the 1 per
cent, or it may be only a small frac5-
ton Of per cent. really.
This Is something that we should
constantly keep in> mind, in order that
we may keep ourselves free from
pessimisn and sane and healthy in
the faith Of this world and the hope
Of the next. The tendency on the
part Of the minimizing is to conclude
that everything isl wrong and that
everything Is going to the bad. 1t is
not. We have simply fallen upon
time when the few who do go to the
bad are. exaggerated in the public
prints. The great mass of the Ameri-,
can people are struggling and striving
along the good old ways and going
ahead at the good old rate. It is be-
lieyable, even, that the exposures
with which our modern life is filled
show a determination to eliminate
the bad and the evil thru pub
licity and denunciation. We have
come to a period when wrong doing
viii not be longer tolerated and can
not be CLOSED over. Practices that
once caused hardly a comment are
now utterly tabooed.
4. We are getting better, not worse. IN
this country; we are making progress,
we are. not slipping back. Let this
truth be kept in mind by all who are
inclined to grow respondent over the
masses of stuff that they read in the
newspapers and in the magazines OF
today.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1907-06-04

Therefore, when your kidneys are weak
or out Of order, yo', can understand now low
quickly your entire body is affected and
how every organ seems to fail to 90 It's
duty
Il you are sick or .'feel badly" begin
taking the. great kidney remedy, Or.
Kilmer's Swamp-Root, because as soon
as your kidneys are well they VIII help
all the other organs to health. A trial
will convince anyone.
If you are sick you can make no ms
take by first doctoring your kianeys s:
The mild and the extraordinary effect OF
Dr.. Kilmer's Swapp-Root, the great
kidney remedy, is soon realized. y
stands the highest for its wonderful cures 5
of the most distressing cases, ana is soio
on its merits by all 81
druggists in fifty-cent
and one-dollar size :::ii1i|5
bottles. You may So
have sample bottle Home Of swampIoos.
by mail free, also pamphlet telling you
| how to find out if you have kidney or
bladder trouble. Mention this paper
when writing to DR.. Kilmer g. Co.. Bing-
hamton, N. 7. Don't make any mistake,
but remember the name, Swamp Root,
| Dr.. Kilmer's Swamp-Root, and the az
dress. Biughamtou. N. Y. on every oostas
n - ~
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1907-06-04
SOME REAL CHARITY

(Waterloo Times Tribune)
Those warm hearted farmers Of Gill
man, Iowa. who stopped their own
work to plant forty acres of corn
while the weather was favorable, for a
neighbor, who was called away by the
death of his son, are the right kind
They are the men who have made Iowa
what she Is. The people for whom
the work was done, were aged. Their
sole support, son who a few weeks
ago was the picture of health, died of
appendicitis, after short illness. He
had not yet planted his corn. His
sorrowing parents journeyed with the
remains of their lost boy to the old
home, and buried him. When they re-
turned their corn field had been plowed
and narrowed in a good. workmanlike
manner, and seeded with the best seed
corn Marshall county afforded
,Of course, it wasn't much trouble TO
the kindly men who did It, for the
work took them less than day. But
the thought that some one has pitiel
them in their trouble and that their
neighbors had gone out Of their way
to do q real act OF kindness, must be
sort of silver lining to the cloud
which death brought into the old ypeo-
pies lives.
Such deeds are more numerous than
most people think, but they seldom get
into print. NThe men who do this kind
of thing are not looking for notoriety.
They. are actuated by that best Of all
laws:
Whatsoever you would that others
should do unto you, do We even SO unto
them"
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1907-06-04

'"There is not state paper published
IN Des Moines," says the Ida Grove
Pioneer. They stand for Des Moines
alone"
The Alta Advertiser says that both
Senator Allison and Congressman Hep
barn have been in the harness so long
that good rest would be very bene-
fetal to them "
The weekly Iberian. (New Iberia, La.) 1894-1946, 1907-10-19

II
Tho meeting was presided over !,
Hon u e paiElo llo Introduce
=" flea'ters. an,"ne then wore llo,,
t'ah 'affe's ana Alvin lIohu,t Nh.
~ u thhdi'la'" t"r secretary 81 stato
u" them" OF 81 ta'lt"} q sue ~
Et4 good Eotcfn,Bont which. he anal
S enli be pe-ulrd 4, thr af,t, - ~
Nilhusnn tas eio,trd
CungroeeI,,nn ur.,,s,#,fl rs.rf,.
Nt Cuttiep. aEt,,Mlipp AZ l4tern I'M,
lg,uoa nl i9,a rartant n,l,,,,..,
'paj@n. copel1linr yltL ans e,,.,,
ion OF laialtioutn,i tn5.ano, ,,f,,,
litcnupl ~ feIftrt a. r,.rAonl, 5,iat
lt,,:,d.. in -,i,,,,,,,,,, ,a -.
ins"n s"i noewuur ,l,. #r.mat6e
lnlire to Nf Han.la Va,e .5 nm,
lows
Afr ,andul1r ~ hie n,,ao.I, ~ ht
homc tnvn ,.fnrtd H. nae. na he e., III
IN ~ tindncsa Now do u,i u,.t
Z" rcIo, ~ him IN any uha, v,v
| Tlnre ie. however. III tl,n ,.fo,.n,.
feierred to. an apparent crn,t Il,
mako II appear that In NV eu,uo,,
Iof the cn,,didacy ur ,,Lnot ,,f;,l,,
son have abandoned IN nv rn,no,
friends nul .,
mice mi,
~ 49, ~ ="
P'' WV" 'h' reasons fiNon by the
Ward BOSSES In New Orleans for sun
porting his cnndjonry wih ,ha,. /,
"a to snyo ih,, ,,,,,,,,,,
a,,.
'''''V nv ~
we have all supported hob IN
this district before every man ar ns
oxront H., y,tlt,
""' ~ '''' '""
~ WV "'A'''c' against l'ob has been
nut np ny the men with whom no
ia today walking down tho MIN,
en-, ,,,h,v,y ar,, =, .
:" '"'''''
''O'''' :" '''' 'S'"' ""' Wheh bob
ee's urea ot wandering after strange |
gods. aud when he wants to sco,ne
back. ! want To say that az FAR as |
am concerned The door wiz be
open his seal viii M ~ iba t,I,i,
and when no comcp In | will saw
'ilowdy, Bob. -
happened To he ON the train"
resumed Mr.. I,ross,inr,l. "on the |
Of that meeting. returning
home from New Orleans. ana as tbe |
train pulled in nj the Franklin sta
ton, ! saw crowd and tho band.
ana anw State Senalor Petcrman
riding n nice horse. onprisoned with
Mexican saddle. ribbons and flpps.
Marshal In the procession. and | wae
ilso told that Mr.. kapprII. Tho As
scissor Of st. Mary. took u proninau,
,art in he meeting. These gentle
men are leaders in.tt,e, ,sa,,,,port of
'lr. Sanders candidneYf The former
'elng u candidate for Hhcrffr. nnd tbc |,
after for Assessor of 81 Mary Parish
nd supported by the Sanders rnctjon
# that parish. | wonder II these
were among Mr. Sanders
uditors when he made that state.
nont
! remember dIalinclly not very
png ago. IN 1900 when Senator
'etormnns faction. al Franklin hay
ng excluded Nj. Sanders as Ii dele.
ate To the Lafayette Democratic .
Convention ol that
ear. hat Mr.. Sanders was made ~
from Morgan CITY. | had M
pposition in ihpi Convention the =
eietnan delegates Insisted that ~
Sclude Mr. SANDERS from the Con
sh''on tod them that this was
Deh'ofcaIic convention. nnd that ~
'"io not oSc'',dc anyone from the =
Invention. added that II Mr.. "
'""ers hau u" right In that Con -
'n'ioh az 'h"y contended, tho tri- y
'""i 10 ae "ec'de was the Commit :"
= W .f"deh''als. thought my ~
'S''"h "a' 'hof"'igh'y Democratic y
:" ''"e'ias p"e me answer W "
~ '''at .he Pe'er'l'an delegates o'
o"' ''''nh'ih 'e't Lafayette ana ~
-" "eh' : hearo VI lhehl they were u
Daily Arizona silver belt., 1907-02-24
GLOBE SIGHTS AND
 SILVER BELTLETS
Current News of Busy Globe Told in
 Brevities

Mrs. !. II. Minter returned to her home at Roosevelt yesterday.
 Miss Georgia Colson, who has been i'll with the grip for week, is some what improved.
 R. J. Young, superintendent of the Britt Copper company, leaves this morn ing for Bowie to spend the day.
 The grand jury of the district court meets next on the 9th of May. The trial jury date is the 9th of May.
 The funeral of the late Mrs Frank Sieglitz will be held at O clock tomor- row afternoon from the Methodist church. Rev. Decker will officiate.
 Harry Mitchell of the Mitchell Min ing company will go to Bowie this morn ing to meet his wife, who has been spending the winter on the coast
 Sheriff Thompson returned from Nee dies, Cal, Friday in company with Charles E. Oswald who is wanted here on statutory charge
 Charles Wild, the railway mail clerk, has been down with an attack of la grippe, but was able to be on duty yes. terday.
 F. N. Hawkins, a well known mining man of Denver, wh hOas large interests in the big Nevada gold camp, was an arrival in the city last evening to spend a few days.
 Superintendent Leroy Scholl of the Arizona National and his bride are ex- pected this evening from Laramie. WyO., where they were married two weeks ago.
 Professor John w. Prout, the geolog- ist, leaves this morning for western Sonora, where he has been called to make examination of a mine. He ex- poets to return to Globe in about a week.
 Dr. T. Shields Collins returned last evening from Cananea and Bisbee. He reports that the Sonora metropolis is great mining camp and that the con solidation of the Greene and Cole inter ests will make the camp one of the greatest on the continent.
Daily Arizona silver belt., 1907-02-24
Everybody goes to the Dime.
Vag Had a Sinner

Dan Main, who was "vagged" {" nearly month ago by Justice Thomas, had in reality a twenty-dollar gold piece se- creted somewhere upon his person, and when he was locked up he ingeniously concealed it in crack in the wall of the jail. However, there seems to be no "honor among thieves,'' for two other prisoners, Joe Sullivan and Pon Locas by name, in some way or other learned his pretty secret and thereafter themselves assumed responsibility for said gold piece. The latest factor in the case is the jailer, who "laughed last and therefore ''best.D
Daily Arizona silver belt., 1907-02-24
Phone in your want ads. Main 231.
District Court Session

The defendants in the suit of the Territory of Arizona vs. Henry Mullen and James Coakley pleaded not guilty to burglary in the district court yes terday. There will be separate trials for them on May 9.
 In the replevin suit appealed from justice court of Nj. Brokenshire vs. F. P. Shanley, judgment was rendered for the defendant.
 Judgment was rendered for the de- fendant in Fritz Brothers vs. National Cash Register company. The case had been appealed by the cash register com pany from justice court.
 The case of Mary A. Hillman vs. Fitzpatrick ct al. was yesterday dis missed upon motion of the plaintiff.
Daily Arizona silver belt., 1907-02-24
NOTICE TO CREDITORS
Estate of NJ. NJ. Postlethwaite.

Estate of M. NJ. Postlethwaite, de- ceased.
 Notice is hereby given by the under signed administrator of the estate of M. M. Postlethwaite, deceased, to the creditors of and all persons having claims against the said deceased, to ex- hibit them, with the necessary vouchers, within four months after the first pub lication of this notice, to the said ad- ministrator, at his residence in Pine, Gila County, Arizona, the same ping the place for the transaction of the business of said estate in said County of Gila. P. c. MILLER, Administrator of Estate of said De-
 ceased.
 Dated November 18th, 1906. 124
Daily Arizona silver belt., 1907-02-24
Silver Belt want ads brings results.
Funeral of Al Sieber

The funeral of the late Al Sieber, former chief of scouts under Generals Miles and Crook and other noted Indian fighters, was held Friday afternoon from the undertaking establishment of F. l.. Jones & Son and was largely at tended by old friends of the deceased. Members of the G. A. R., of which Mir. Sieber was member, and the Women s Relief Corps attended. Rev. Durham of the Baptist church officiated. A large number of Indians viewed the re- mains during the day. Nearly every Indian in this section of the country was acquainted with the dead scout and all looked upon him as a friend.
Daily Arizona silver belt., 1907-02-24
PRESIDENT A
 HARVARD GRAD Visit not that of an Executive College Hospitality Is
 ShaWered on Him
By Associated Press.

BOSTON, February 23-The visit to Harvard university today of Theodore Roosevelt, who came, not as president, but as "grad" returning to meet fel- low scholars scholars and men, including his own son, Theodore Jr., developed into one of the busiest days of his ca reer Harvard hospitality showered festivities upon the president during his two visits to the university city and hosts of his personal friends all claimed share of his time.
Daily Arizona silver belt., 1907-02-24
Silver Belt Want Ads. bring results.
Could Take Care of Himself

As two city officers were passing the Wedge saloon Friday afternoon they espied man fast asleep on a bench in front and tapped his shoulder. He jumped up and pulled Colts forty five on them with the explanation that "I m all right; I can take care of my self. " But the officers took care of him and Justice Thomas sentenced him to twenty-five days.
Daily Arizona silver belt., 1907-02-24

Professor Knox of the Mental Science College of Seattle will deliver two lee lures at Dreamland today. At 2:30 the subject will be, "How to Overcome Poverty and Accumulate Wealth. Ad- mission l5 cents, children 10 cents. In the evening, How to Overcome Death and Live Forever" Admission 25 cents, children 10 cents.
Daily Arizona silver belt., 1907-02-24
Phone in your want ads. Main 23l.
Stockholders Meeting

There will be meeting of the stock holders of the Globe & Pinto Mining company to be held March 4, 1907, at county treasurer's office, Globe, Ariz., at p. m., for the purpose of consider ing proposed voluntary assessment and other business that comes before the meeting. By order of JOS. FAULL,
 120 Vice President.
Daily Arizona silver belt., 1907-02-24
Odd Fellow DeleOates

l. o. O. F., Rescue lodge No. 12, on Wednesday evening elected the follow ing delegates to the meeting of the grand lodge, which is to be held in Prescott on the second Monday in April, viz: II. II. Pratt, Eugene Middleton, Arthur Francis and Philip Oates. Charles Slack will represent Gila en. eampment No. 3.
Daily Arizona silver belt., 1907-02-24
A Bump Examiner

Professor D. V. Saffery, a co-itinerant of Dr. Knox, who lectures this after. noon and evening and evening at Dreamland, swung up a chronological chart on Broad street telegraph pole opposite the courthouse yesterday af.
Daily Arizona silver belt., 1907-02-24

Try Dexter Bourbon if you want something extra fine; splendid for med icinal purposes and as pure brand as can be had anywhere. Bankers Gar den.
Daily Arizona silver belt., 1907-02-24
Police Court News

John Weir got sixty days at hard labor for passing whisky into the coun. ty jail. Frank Fra was fined SlO yes terday by Judge Thomas for trying to horsewhip friend.
Daily Arizona silver belt., 1907-02-24
Hurt in Cayein

A cavein at the Pinto mine injured Frank Drew last Wednesday. The rock struck him in the head and shoulders and blood gushed from his ears and nose. Dr. Wales is in attendance and believes he will recover soon.