Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1907-12-12

Hes engaged to a widow" "How
did he meet her?" HE did not meet
her. She overlook him" -Philadelphia
Inquirer.
When bird can sing and won't"
Yes" 1T isn't half the trouble as
bird that can't sing and will.
timore American.
One woman" remarked the mere
man, us just as good as another-if
not better" And one man." rejoined
the fair widow, lis just as bad as an
other-if not worse. Chicago News.
Where have you been, Sam?" Use
been up to ma two ears in work, sah."
up TO your two ears in work?" Yes,
sah." what doing, Sam?" "Eatin'
watahmellion, sab !"-Yonkers States
man.
Tommy-Ma, baby Is naughty. He
cried because l wouldn't give him any
Of my cake. Mammals his own cake
finished? Tommy-Yes, ma; and he
cried while l was eating that. =
Punch.
Don't I give you all the money you
heed? ?" her husband complained. yes"
she replied, but you tod me before
we were married that you would give
me all I wanted. Chicago Record
| Herald.
You seem to find that book very in
| terestlng," said Mrs. Henpeck. Yes"
replied Henry, "it's delightful. I've
glanced at the ending, and the hero and
heroine don't get married after ALL
Washington Herald.
Miss Kreech-Some authorities be-
lieve that the practice of singing will
keep a person from getting consump-
ton. Mr.. Knox.-Yes, but most au-
thorities believe in ''the greatest good
to the greatest number. "-Philadelphia
Press.
Rural Citizen Ito son engaged in
strange exercises -JabeZ, what in tar
nation be yer tryin' t. do? His Son
Its that thar correspondence school,
dad 1 got a letter from the sopho-
mores yestiddy tellin' me to haze
m'self.-Puck.
"Who is this fellow Rush you spoke
Off ooh, he's a well-known chaur-
feur." "a well-known chauffeurT
That's what 1 said!' "Why, 1 never
heard of him." well, you would IL
YOU were a court clerk like l am ~
Yonkers' Statesman.
Gracious! my DEAR" said the first
society belle, 81 do hope you're not III;
you look so much older tonight" I'm
quite well, thank you, DEAR replied the
other, 'and you-how wonderfully I'M
proved you are! You look positively
young."-Phlladelphia Press.
Casual Caller Ito one next him)-I
was introduced to that squint-eyed, red
haired woman over there as Mrs. Some
body or other. Don't you think the
man was an idiot that married herr
Next One (meekly)--I can't just say.
I'm the man.-Baltimor American.
"You enjoy going to the theater"
Eyes" answered Mr.. Meekton. But
you don't care much for musical
plays?" mo. What l enjoy Is to take
Henrietta where there is whole lot
of conversation going on in which she
can't say a word. New York Tribune.
'Tomkins has got more nerve than
any man 1 ever met" What nowT
"He came over to my place yesterday
to borrow my gun, saying that he want
ed to kill a dog that kept him awake
nights" "Well, what of it?" 1T was
my dog he killed. milwaukee, Senti-
mel.
Does your honor wish to charge the
iury?" asked the legal light, when all
the evidence was in. mo, I guess
not" replied the Judge. Il never
charge 'em anything. These fellows
don't know much, any way, an let 'em
have all they can make "-Harper's
Weekly.
do you think" asked the sweet
girls mother, that Mr.. wilkins is Sc
rious?" Serious? Ma, he's worse
than that he stayed here till nearly
II O'Clock last night, and any one who
had studied bis face might has thought
lie WAS SllllbS UP Win =" ~ f'N'
cago Record Herald.
Father wish you'd invite that
young man Of yours up here tomorrow
night. Daughter Surprised at the re-
quest why, father, | thought you
said You had no use for him? Father
So I did, last summer. But tomorrow
I'm going to put up the stove.-Detroit
Free Press.
what does your father do to earn
his living" asked New York princi-
pal of pupil who was being admitted.
'Please, ma'am, he doesn't live with
us; mamma supports me-" "Well then,
how does your mother earn her living?"
"She gets paid for staying away from
papa" replied the child, artlessly.-
Harper's Weekly.
STURGEON RUse.