davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1907-05-07
A GENUINE swELLHEAD.

Why is 1t that Englishmen-some
Englishmen, we mean-cannot, either
at home or in the United States, divest
themselves of the belief that they are
superior to all other human beings on
this earth? We have elsewhere spok-
en- of Alfred Austin's caddish behavior
at the dinner given by Whitelaw Reid.
but as Austin was at home. he per-
'haps thought himself entitled to say
ever, is doing little. better over here,
for he has made a number Of breaks.
He came over here primarily as a
delegate or visitor to the Peace Con-
vention, but he has shown himself
about the most offeious busy body that
ever crossed the water. One among
his first exhibitions of himself was to
make a speech to company of Amer
lean women in which he assured them
that the American men do not re-
spect women; they treat them as chill
dren.'
What do American men-also the
women-think of such an accusation
as that? The improperly of 1T was as
apparent as was Its lack of truthful
ness. 1t shows either an amazing ig-
norance of the American people and
character or an equally amazing In
difference to the truth. And then in a
| recent visit to Chicago a prominent or
ganization of that city, at a meeting
where he was present, but not know
| ing that he was there, passed resolu-
lions endorsing the New York Peace
| Conference MIR. Stead evidently
thought it presumptuous in them to
take action on the subject before con-
sulting him, so as soon as he got an
opportunity to make a talk he said:
you may pass these resolutions II
you choose but you might as well put
them in your pipe and smoke them
They combine every defect that they
possibly could"
II that was not an exhibition Of
monumental assurance in a guest we
don't know what would be. Even this,
however, was not so utterly out of
place as was his remark to a meeting
of Methodist ministers in New York
who had passed certain resolutions.
and to whom he said; Nobody cares
damn for your resolutions" That
was about the limit. one would say,
but many more specimens of his i'm
nudence or impertinence could be Civ
en-. Were 1T not that he is a promi-
nent English journalist and is there
fore presumably well bred, we might
charge ms Ill manners to lack of
knowledge Of good society. but as 1t IS
we can only attribute it to a too com
mon habit among Englishmen to put
on intoIerable airs when they visit
the United states.
The truth is that our own people
arc very much to blame for such ex-
/ hibitions of self assurance and snob-
lishness on the part of Engllshmen,
/ When one Of them. if he is a man Of
any prominence in any respect, comes
over here he is at once taken up, feted,
wined and dlned and generally made
much Of until he thinks himself i'm
measurably superior to anything or
anybody on this side Of the water.
Added to the natural arrogance of the
prominent Briton is the additional ex-
hibition of toadyism on the part of
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1907-05-07
NATURALIZATION REASONING.

Secretary Bonaparte, in a recent
speech in Boston, compared the Trusts
to hogs, which crowd their smaller
and weaker fellows from the feeding
trough so that they don't get their
fair share of our national prosperity"
He thought the real problem is to
fence off the big trusts and give the
very nice, but he added:
The Democrats propose to cut on the
supply of swill, or. in other words, 10
destroy our prosperity by unsettling an
our business relations. No doubt TINS
would soon make the big hogs as thl mn,
as razor backs, but would the sHlail
ones fare any better. Remember we
don't complain of the fnsmer pecau -
they keep the others thin and smaIl.
The more money the Trusts make, the
better for the American people: pro.
yided all dealers outside the trusts
have a fair field and the Trusts n"
favor.
Where is the good sense or truth IN
such declarations? Mr.. Bonaparte
knows, for he is an intelligent man.
that the Democratic policy Will not
destroy our prosperity or even ma
teriallv iniure II. To check the rapa-
cious trusts so that they will not get
all the "swill' is not. or VIII not De-
destructive to American prosperity. II
might make some Of the Dig s"ih-
guzzlers somewhat thinner than they
are at present, and would help the
So
extent. but 1t would do no materiai
harm to the country at large, and we
doubt II Mr.. Bonaparte believes any
thing of the kind.
The Republicans have a standing
argument to the effect that reducing
the tariff will injure the small manu-
facturers and producers more than 1t
would injure the large ones. They
know, however. but are not fair
enough to admit 1t, that the large mo-
nopolies are running the smaller con-
Germs, and that the tariff enables them
to do it. AS The New York Post ar
CUES. 1.-The policy of the Republican
party and President Roosevelt was, &C.
cording to Mr.. Bonaparte, to keep
each big pig in its proper pen. where
1t can't crowd out any of the little
fellows around it." This is a charming
picture Of the contented porkers, each
in his particular pen, none getting
drop more of swill than his due. To
argue from 1t is, however, like argu-
ing from a metaphor, for the simple
hut SUFFICIENT reason that pigs are pigs.
So long as the Republican party con-
ttnues to flood the trough with swirl
In the form of tariff favors. SO long
will the big hogs crowd the little ones
away The separating partitions which
Secretary Bonaparte imagines must TX
there is to be even a possibility OF
competition in trade, always remain
Pigment of the Imagination"
We suppose no surprise need be 1ell
at the fallacious arguments and COM
parisons of the Secretary. The stand
matters are SO hard put to 1t to 1ind
arguments to sustain them that they
have little regard for reason or facts
when they try to justify their posi-
ton. 1t is but Just to say that the
administration is giving them all the
help 1t can.
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1907-05-07

mers need more than ordinary book
learning. They should be well edu-
Gated in everything that pertains to
the raising and marketing of their pro-
ducts.
x n n
II He Gets Justice.
Samson Ledger.
The pistol toter Is receiving much at
tention Just now, and IL he receives
Justice will ultimately land him in the
penftentiary
Noe for Roosevelt.
Bessemer Workman
When ever has there been an ad-
mfnistratfon where State rights has
been SO belittled as during the present
one? Roosevelt the choice of Southern
Democrats? Never! nor any other
Democrat. and never will be.
x 4 x
SeIma's Upward March.
The people who were predicting
years ago that the price of Selma real
estate would fall off by this time must
make another guess or their croak-
ings will be forever barred by the
statute of limitations.
- Il n
Raking In the NimbIe Nickel.
Sheffield Reaper. =
The Capital City authorities never
fail to rake in the nimbel nickel" Ac-
wi uiHS 10 lie ADVERTISER TWO iYpSy
women were last week issued a license
to tell fortunes. That is about the
limit.
A Cntch-alI Platform.
Coosa River News.
If the Democratic Party desires to
emulate the pusillanimous precepts of
It's ancient enemy, the Republican Par
ty, and incorporate anything into its
platform calculated to win-why not
place claws" in IL giving every man
everything he wants or that morbid
curiosity may desire.
u y u
Cheap But Not Safe.
Gadsden Evening Journal
III you feel an irresistible desire to
mug and Kiss one of the fair sex try a
widow In Decatur. The cost will not
be excessive. A jury there has just
decided that such an outburst of exhu-
berance can be accounted for with 200
plunks. And the widow was Said to be
very handsome at that
e " ~
Confidence aud Industry
Hanceville Hustler.
The era of prosperity Is due largely
TO Industry. Everybody is at work
The drones are distinctly a back n,In1
Der. We find everybody making small
er debts and paying them sooner. Ey-
eryWhere people have money. We hone
they will not be fearful. Confidence is
a wonderful help to business The
press OF the country ought to voice a
spirit of confidence and it will avert
financial trouble.
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1907-05-07

An observant contemporary thinks
The Norfolk Landmark takes its life
in its hand when, referring to the I'M
desirable characters who will be found
at the jamestown Exposition 1t de-
clares that "the proportion of crooks
who attended the original jamestown
affair was probably larger" Oh, well.
Norfolk is only envious because John
Smith didn't land there and find Miss
2ocahontas waiting for him No
doubt there were some hard cases
among those who first landed at
Jamestown. just as there were among
all other immigrants and adventurous
who came to the New World
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1907-05-07
Dependent Independence.

New York sun,
The fathers had Just signed tho
Declaration of Independence.
And yet. we unused. not one of them
dares take his winter flaunels off till
hts wife gives him permission.
This goes to show what an abiect
coward lordly man really is.
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1907-05-07
D x IFT w Cd
By PHIL HI. ARMSTRONG.

Watermelon Dreams.
Some folks dream OBJ roses,
Others dream of luy;
some folks dream OBJ riches.
Some of home above
bqt an has dreams OATS bettah,
In rack dey's DIES devine.
Use dreamin' night and mornin'
water
melon
vine.
Oh de lueious juicy drippin's-
How it maiks a darkey grin
. de ice cold red meat glistenin'
vi Turns rms 20, mouf plum wrongside IA
About rich food and wine
An de
water
melon
vine
q e "
Enlightened
Say, Jimmie. what's dis race suicide
we hear so much about?"
"Aw. Muggsy, OATS when a guy loses
on sure ting an kills himself"
Ought To.
sna she ne, n has a sweet disposition, has
She ought to have; her father is a
* Y X
As Usual.
,,, What hat W, was the finish in the automo-
* *
Broken Reflections.
What an unfortunate thing it was
for Caesar that magazines were not
circulated in his,,day.
left handed, but how few are f0rs-
handed!
The greatest shock about an opera
tion Is the bill; y y q 49,.
sometimes the " kId bro'her w gives 0q Il
away.
The foot of a woman should measure
one-seventh the length OF her body,
says the physiology-Chicago girls ex-
cepted we presusmes
,,,, When you tell a girl her eyes shine
her third finger shines b that way
Tough luck"-steak at a boarding
house.
II Y u
When a woman filings a, smile she
generally hits What " t. she is throwing at.
The nice thing about baby is the
way 1t puts its sticky little hands on
your forty dolls 3 gut = y
It'is nature of man to do that which
he knows he shS 3 / not :
The best thing for swelled head
is little dash of cold water.
y Y q
Most of thu average girls time Is
occupied by arranging her clothes and
hair and engagements !. y
In the Northern Hemisphere there
are 5000 stars plainly visible to the
naked eye. In Stageland there are
numbers of half-naked stars plainly
visible to-but let it go at that.
x e u
The Juvenile Idea.
Johnny the caterpillar eats twice its
Gee, I'd hate to be catapillar.g
gentleman friend and have to send o
candy"
The bees are making honey
To store away in pots
The bees are making honey
And like sore spots.
Gibraltar has seventy miles of TUT
nels. 1t ought to be a more popular
trip for honeymoon that Niagara.
Y e Z
At The summer Hotel.
Pepper put a watch on Mdude
And called her Pretty Flower"
Men are so scarce Maude sits and Aslds
The long hands by the hour
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1907-05-07

Tho Montgomery Advertiser guarantees
NJ advertisers land makes it a part of the
contract when requested) that its Daily cir
bulation Is larger than that of any moriiing
newspaper printed in Alabama--and that It's
bunday edition has the largest circulation
" any edition of any newspaper printed IN
Alabama without exception.
Tho figures for March. printed peiow'
represent the actual net circulation. all re-
eurns having been deducted.
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1907-05-07

such irreverence is enough to make
the whangdoodle howl" says The
Richmond Times Dispatch, referring to
some remarks of ours about the Nor
folk pedagogue. There it goes again,
The whangdoodle doesn't howl; 1t
"mourneth for its first born"
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1907-05-07

They are proposing to dig down
among the ruins of ancient Rome to
find one of the theatres that existed
there. They will probably find some
Of the chorus girls who failed to get
eas and play IN our modern theatres
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1907-05-07

After some extensive Investigations
and excavations a North Carolina con
Temporary arrives at the conclusion
that a husband has a right to snore
but had better not exercise the right
We can at least admire the tact and
precaution of the Tar Heel editor.
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1907-05-07
How She Understood 1t.

One day the children were having an
object lesson on the guinea pig The
teacher called attention to the short
tail, saying:
You see, it has no tall to speak Of"
Shortly afterward she asked the
scholars to write description of the
animal. and a little German girl wound
up by saying:
The guinea pig has a tail but it
must not be talked about"
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1907-05-07

The Pennypacker press muzzling law
in Pennsylvania has been officially re-
pealed. 1t has practically been IN
state of repeal all the while.
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1907-05-07
Daily Average, March. 1907 -. ..15,64s
Sunday Average. March, 1907 =. :. .22.013

m. 8. Noble. Circulation Manager Of The
Montgomery Advertiser. being duly sworn,
says.
The foregoing statement of The Adver-
Users circulation for lhe month ~ March,
1907, is true and correct, and compiled after
ali returns from news-boys news agents.
~ofled and leftover copies have been de-
.>-sictsd. e S. NOBLE,
Circulation Manager
sworn to and subscribed before me this
4Ieth day Of April, 1907.
(SeaLl RIGA ALEXANDER,
Notary Public
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1907-05-07

Enterprise Ledger.
to be getting better every day, but it
might be due tc the fact that We read
il closer now tnan ever before, and
eral makeup of eur Capital City or
Tn
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1907-05-07

Do you want a pea nut garden? in
ouires The Boston Globe? Why should
we, when pea nut stands are at every
corner?
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1907-05-07
And own an Automobile.

Sheffield Standard
If strikes continue much longer the
walking delegate may be able to wear
plug hat and carry a gold
onI1A-
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1907-05-07
Temperance in the south

ASAApCH~"SG An Ahu coha&
New York World.
The Southern States are now the
stronghold of prohibition sentiment.
In $50 of the $50 counties Of Texas
the sale of liquor is forbidden and
fifty others are largely free from
licensed saloons. Georgia and Mis-
sissippi are overwhelmingly prohibit
ton. The great whisky-making State
of Kentucky has forty-seven prohibi-
ton counties. Tennessee and Virginia
are dry except in a few cities. The
boast of Chairman Jones of the Pro-
hibition National Committee that "the
whole Southland appears to be on the
warpath to drive out the last vestige
of the liquor business" is not extrav-
agant. nor is his prediction oversan-
guine that licensed drinking will be-
come practically extinct in Texas,
Oklahoma and Arkansas within a de-
cade. This revolution has been effec-
ted through local option which obtains
in Georgia, Florida, Alabama, Arkansas.
Maryland. Virginia. Kentucky, Missfs
sippi and North Carolina. Only in
Florida. where the license fee Is ST.
900; in Mississippi. where it runs
from 5000 to $1,000, and in Atlanta,
where 1t is $1,000. has this phase of
the question cut any considerable fig-
ure. Nor is there any material gain
in the voting strength of the national
Prohibition -arty.
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1907-05-07
one of the leaders in the House during
the winter session of the Legislature,
is a visitor to Montgomery on business.
Appeals In Criminal Cases.

Harper's Weekly.
A good many remarks have been
in criminal cases owing to the liber
afity of our laws in permitting APP
peals. There has been much truth
and some folly in them. 1t is not SO
much the liberality of the law as the
weakness of judges in inter nreting
the law that Is our peculiar fault. The
English system has been usually re-
ferred to as an illustration of the
right way to conduct criminal cases.
The English system is, indeed, ad-
mirable. and especially is II admirably
conducted by able judges, who are Sc
knowledged leader of the English bar,
and who holds during good behavior
or for life. One of the CHARACTERISTIC
features of English administration Of
have not been a alo wed Bat the apP Ens
fish bar Is now saying that this has
been mistake, and that it has result
Ted In the conviction and execution of
creation of court of criminal appeal
has. therefore. been introduced in
Parliament. This court is to consist
Of seven Judges Of the Kings Bench
by the Lord Chief Justice. An up
peal on questions of law is TO be per-
mitted as matter OF course; appeals
on questions Of fact are to be permit
One evil. which is peculiar to us. is
to be aYoided. There is to be no new
trial. The court may determine
whether the conviction shall stand. be
modified or set aside but this work of
review Is to be done at public expense,
The poor man as well as the rich man
may avail himself of 1t. An official
is to be appointed to collect new evil
dence and the government Is to ap-
point apw pay solicitors and counsel
for poor prisoners. The decision of
this court 1t is expected, will be of
great assistance to the Home Secre-
tary who is to continue to possess the
reform of a substantial kind, doing
away with recognized evils and pro-
noting Justice. Our principle of ap-
peal Is recognized as sound. but its
practice is to be greatly bettered.
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1907-05-07

Our friend of The Fairhope Courier
is a little afraid he has made break
in the use of the Kings English and
thus explains:
Perth Amboy evening news., 1907-03-21
IN the FIELD OF SPORTS
LYCEUM RUGBY POLO
TEAM PLAYED WELL.


The Lyceum rugby polo team of
this city went to Somerville Tuesday
night to play against the Somerville
five. The game was an excellent
one and in both fifteen-minute halves
neither team scored a goal, the final
result of the game being 0 to 0. The
local boys played a good game and
at times had a goal that should have
been marked to their credit. The
referee also compelled Desmond to
take the rubber off the front of his
skates, although 1t is customary to
use it. Later, when Desmond had
resumed playing and had the ball
about ten feet in front of the bunch,
the partial referee called him to ex-
anime his skates. The local boys
played much the better game. The
Somerville rink is 1928 feet long, af-
fording a fine playing space. A re-
urn match will be played in this
city on the Lyceumrink next Wednes-
day night. Those who went from this
city we're: e. Mallet, G.. Mallet, Des-
mond, Lindeberg, Schantz and
Bailey.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1907-03-21

crooks, is bound to turn out just
about so many laws anyway-do we
citizens, the real "intests' most vi
tally affected by the of legis-
lation, take any adequate measures
either to put in ADLER men, or to sup
ply accurate and thorough going in
formation as a basis for the legisla-
ton? Not at all. We send u leg
islators down to the capital, and go
on, s~erenely vague, about what we
like to call "our business" The
snail's on the throne, Gods in his
heaven, all's right with the world!
And meanwhile the attorneys for the
railroad and the public service
company, and the big brewers and
manufacturers are drawing up bills
which our farming friends don't un-
derstand, and are crowding then
through with doubtful statistics and
special reasoning which our farming
friends may question, but which they
have neither the time nor the re-
sources TO dispute.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1907-03-21
AT THE TIME OF
LINCOLN'S NOMINATION.

Il have been active in many polit-
ical campaigns, but in none in which
the best impulses of human nature
We're so forceful and effective, and
aroused the masses to so high a pitch
of almost religious fervor as in that
of 1860" writes Carl Schurz in the
McClure's. His account of this cam
paign is full of charm, humor. and
significance. The life portrait of
Chase, with his personal fascination
and his restless ambition, the descrip-
tion of the political personnel of the
famous Wigwam convention, the
sketch of Lincoln receiving the news
of his nomination, and the pictur-
esque account of stumping Illinois,
are given with a freshness and ami
nation which lend to all the Schurz
memoirs the Illusion of experience
transcribed on the spot. This is the
most interesting article that has APP
peared in the American series, deal
ing as it does, with some of the dra-
matte episodes of the ante-bellum
period.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1907-03-21
UP-AND-AT-'EMS.
FOR wORLD's POOL TITLE.

Thomas Hueston, of st. Louis, and
Jerome Keogh, of Buffalo, will meet
in the Morningstar Academy. 125th
street and Lenox avenue, tonight, in
the first of a series of three games OF
zoo points each for the worlds cham
pionship at continuous pool and a
side stake of $500. Hueston Is the
holder of the emblem. The series
will be continued tomorrow night and
Saturday night.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1907-03-21
sEwARENITEs IN FORM.

The Sewaren boWlers held thelr
weekly practice on Kirby's alleys last
night. The following scores we're
rolled: l.. Larsen, 100, 1873, 1853, 1856,
243, 16S, 1911, 1861. zehrer, 212,
161, 1854, 1877, 1875, 1S1, 1S9, 1856;
H. Simonsen, 1872, 1913, 172, 1913,
1872, ISL, 1874, 149; J.. Dolan, $50,
1876, 113, 159, LAG, 213, 21S, 161;
R. Simonsen, 1T, $50, Ill, 1O8,
las, 14O, 1873, ITO; A. Simonsen,
159, 1874, 1873, ISL, 1913, 169, 1876,
1862.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1907-03-21
New Hat for English CLERGY.

The English Episcopal clergy are
discarding the old soft felt hat they
have worn so long. and are adopting
a stiff one made Of smooth black felt,
shaped like the ~straw-top hats, that is
called in England a "boater. The
new hat is said to be smart ard yet
sober"
Perth Amboy evening news., 1907-03-21
JUNIOR LEAGUE TONIGHT.

teams will bowl tonight in this city
and Tottenville. The Aquehongas'
and Amicitias' second teams will bowl
on the Aquehonga alleys-at Totem
vile and the Alpines' second team
and the Keystones will bowl OF
Bloodgood's alleys.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1907-03-21
THE AVERAGE STATE
LEGISLATURES.
A Lot of Bungling, Good Hearted
Amateurs, With u Leavening
of Crooks.

Amateurs, With u Leavening
of Crooks.
Samuel Merwin in Success.)
The legislature couldn't make one
good law in three months, let alone
three thousand, without turning in
some direction for aid and counsel.
Our well meaning farmers, and gro
cerymen and manufacturers, are pro-
badly endowed with that profound ig-
of basic problems which
comes out in the form of a loud on
tempt for science" and theory"
But now they are, In the language of
the committee room, up against it,.
They have got to make three thous-
and laws in three months, without
much of an idea, in some cases, of
what the blessed things are all about.
A good many of Il farming and
manufacturing friends would really
like to make good laws; but proba-
bly, not one of them is competent to
draw q bill that will hold together.
To make it worse, these laws, good or
bad, will ONE down forcibly on ev-
cry man, woman and child in the
state.
In view of this fact-that the leg
islature, made up of bungling, good
hearted amateurs, with a %leavening of