The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1907-05-11
SGlzAle

~~~~~~~

Miss Gabber was 50 cold yesterday
she could not speak" Jaw g'wan!-
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Father-Why did you run away.
Franz? Franz-Because mamma was
30 unkind. Father-That is no reason.
DO l run away?-Weiner Caricaturen.
That hat is an example of my thrift
Bought it three years ago. Had it
pressed twice and exchanged it once for
new one at cafe."-Fliegende Blaet-
ter.
Miss Passy-Oh, it's very good Of
you, captain, to invite me for the first
waltz. The Captain-Don't mention it.
ma'am. This is charity ball.-Pick-
Me-Up.
His Daughter did you know
mamma long before you married herf
Her Father-Just between you and me,
my dear. I don't know her yet-Chi-
cago News.
Mrs. A.-That woman next door
bought hat exactly like mine. Mr.. A.
Didn't it make you mad? Mrs. A.
Not q bit; gave mine to her COOK
illustrated Bits.
Where shall we run in this item
about Senator Crafts retirement" the
reporter asked. Under Public Inn
provements," said the news editor
Los Angeles Times.
Gladys am going to buy an auto
mobile and want you to go along and
help me select one. Cousin Jack-Not
for me, little girl. Why, even wouldn't
pick you out husband.-Puck.
Nan-How attentive young Mr.. All.
GAVIN is to his pretty wife! Fan-I
don't wonder you notice It, but you
must have been misinformed They are
not married yet.-Chicago Tribune.
Lecturer-And what man is most apt
to reach that elevation whence the
earth may be viewed "as one vast
plain" Smart Student-The one that
worksin gunpowder mill.-Chums.
'.Now that my wife is doing the cook.
ing herself she can accomplish with $40
worth Of food twice as much as our
late cook did" "You don't say? Yes;
at any rate 1 get twice as much dys-
pepsia. "-Philadelphia Press.
Il learned that the performance was
no good, so 1 did not get you the natl
nee tickets as you wished" 1.-THE fact
that the show is no good doesn't alter
the fact that l have a new dress to
show off, does it?"-Houston Post.
"Is your family entertaining this sea.
son" inquired the society devotee.
"Well," answered Mr.. Cumrox, "moth-
er and the girls seem kind of amusing
to me, but everybody else seems to take
'em seriously" -Washington Star.
There are times when machinery
seems almost human. eyes," answered
the man who smells of gasoline. Il am
frequently unable to be sure whether
am fooling with my automobile or it il
fooling with me."-Washington Star.
"You have lived way out in the sub
urbs ever since 1 have known YOU"
EYES," isn't it inconvenientY "Quite
the opposite; you have no idea how
many excuses suburbanite can find
for getting home e."-Houston Post
1--WE come near lynchin' the wrong
man yesterday" said Cactus Cal; "tlst
ready to swing him off, too" But just
then you discovered the mistake, ehY
remarked the tourist. what luck"
"Wuzn't it though? The worst l ever
hear tell f."-Philadelphia Press.
Mrs. Bacon-Pins are not used In
China. Clothes are fastened with but
tons and buttonholes, or with loops and
frogs; and a person is considered I'M
tidy who resorts to such makeshifts as
pins. Mr.. Bacon-That's good thing
to know: man can hug girl with Inn
punity In China.-Yonkers Statesman.
First Dude-How is it that you get
invitations to balls, parties, weddings
and other festivities? Second Dude
It is the simplest thing in the world,
INV dear fellow. When I suspect that
any of my big-wig acquaintance are
going to give one, tell them l shall
be out of town. They imagine it 10
safe to invite me. They do 80. and, 10
and behold! bob up serenely. Strait
M 49,