Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-06-29

~ NJ
A funny story Is going the rounds con-
corning a recent adventure Of a Wash
ington merchant who tips the scales at
something over 300 pounds. The portiy
party was in hurry to catch train that
was scheduled to leave at certain hour,
and finding that he only had fifteen min
utes in which to reach the depot. he hastily
summoned ancient nighttime coupe
The vehicle was as rickety and uncertain
rs the tabled Parsons OneHoss Shay
and just before the fat entered the
rig he notified the driver to hasten to the
station at top speed.
With this he scrambled into the coupe
and slammed the door. Hardly had he
done so when his great avoidupois caused
the floor OF the vehicle to go down and out
like flash. The big mans feet went down
TO the concerted roadway. but by grasping
the small seat in front of him he managed
running gear. The vehicle in the mean
time was going at quarter-horse speed,
the driver heading for the depot and lash
ing his bony steed into all the run 1t had In
its not over nimble legs.
The fat man found himself compelled to
work his chubby limbs with great rapidity
and fairly run in company with the old
hack to the railroad station. upon reach
ing which he sank to the ground from ex-
haustion and of course missed his train
After the stout individual had partially
recovered from his enforced foot race
against time. the driver demanded his fare
and damages for the loss of the floor OF
his coupe.
You wait you BANKED scoundrel, until
] get my wind and I'll pay You with big
club" said the exasperated merchant.
You made me run nearly fifteen blocks
owing to the rottenness Of your rig. and
now you want pay. do you. Just wait TIL
happen to You, you smithering idiot"
And the fat man llmped away supported
by two stalwart men.
*
The end-seat porker put strangle hold
on thu sidepost and swung reluctant knee
aside to allow elderly couple to crawl
by him to the sunny end OF the bench. At
the next corner a portly man. with what
mariners call a bluff bow, climbed upon
the running board. The car was damned
with the exception Of vacancy alongside
the end-seat porker and the elderly cou-
pie. The newcomer put one foot into the
space between the seats and looked In
quiringly at the oblivious end man.
will you please move along and let me
sit DOWN. said the new passenger with a
trace of peevishness in his voice. --
The end-seater looked up from the paper
the drawbrfdge again and remarked unsym-
pathetically: 80 ---~
Plenty of room in here
The new passenger gaZed scornfully at the
discourteous one and then climbed labori-
ously and with obviously unnecessary eff
fort over the end-seater's feet. The elderly
couple slid over to the extreme sunny end
Of the bench, leaving place for the new
passenger. beside the end-seat squatter. The
large passenger seated himself pulled for
a moment or two and then. catching sight
t,,tr to H. hob y1 ~
gan conversing with him in large tones
upon the question OF end-seat -hoggish-
ness.
Fine weather for end-seat hogs" he re-
marked as an eye-opener. There ought
to be some law making 1t a crime not to
move along for new passengers. Did you
take the hurdles just now. Guess
IN get a Job with the circus doing the leap
over the elephants"
He had long line of this open-faced car
repartee and let his reel run. 1t was not
long before his friend found he had reached
his corner and departed. A block or so
further on the end-seater slipped off into
the twilight, and the offended passenger
slid into the coveted position, but his arm
lovingly around the post and smiled into
the world. At the next stop a young man
put girl on the car. She chung to the run
ming board a moment, until some one swung
the end-seat bridge and allowed her to en-
ter II was. of course, the end-seat-hog-
hater.
The quick wittedness of the Japanese
and their tendency to resent any indignty
was aptly illustrated a short time ago."
said member of the diplomatic corps to-
day. "A general discussion was going on
among a group of young people. including
@ student from Japan residing In this city.
and one of the Americans, turning to the
Japanese student remarked:
Are you a Japanee or a Chinee?"
The muscles OF the face n the Stndapf
twitched slightly and without other indi
cation of any feeling on the subject he
retorted:
Are you a Yankee, a donkee. or
monkee?"
The laugh was on the American. and
there were no further remarks of deroga
tory nature.
=
1T may be only one Of the tricks of the
trade" remarked an old newspaper man,
but 1t is a good one. or at least it was
good enough to catch me. 1t occurred to
me while I was next In a barber shop.
The broom boy took my hat to put on the
rack. II was last summers straw but I
fattered myself that It looked nearly as
good as new. The boy asked me If l
wanted II cleaned, and I said no. He didn't
argue the matter: He didn't have to. He
simply put my old straw on the rack be-
tween two brand-new hats. The contrast
was noticed by every one in the shop In
stead OF being white, as ] supposed, my
straw was a dull brown. Calling the APP
parently guileess boy to me, / asked him
what he would clean my hat for and he
said a quarter. He got the job, and I got
q more respectable loking hat"
y \
veracious observer dropped into one or
Washington's most popular cafes the other
day, merely to get a match. While the
bartender was mixing the phosphorus a
man prominent in local business and social