The Washington herald., 1907-02-10
THE SOCIAL CODE.

fectly right Having accepted the invi-
tatiOn he should do all that &c enjoins
One must live up TO the society in which
one moves, if he cannot. he should. in
decency, withdraw.
g. Question ! am German. for a while will
10 your city stay. bUt many things confuse me
m The society % which KIND letters have introduced
me. Dare ! ask your gracious help 90 answer these
guestlonst !. After a gentleman D. presented 10 :.
lady. 40 their next meeting does De greet her first
o. wait FOR her 90 recognize him 70 De- the German
custom for the gentleman % make the first b0w.
This ! did the other day on your J street To a
beautiful young ladJ the night before had net bHt
she only s'ared-do you say .-and did not respond
u Tas unc0Hf0ftabie 2 IL German gentleman
walks always on the left-haud side % lady OF of
bis superior. Please what is the custom hercs
haze put myself 10 the left hand Of a lady and
she seemed much embarrassed and 90 the other
side WCnt- WlyI j. Does not d gentleman kiss
tie hand 81 a iady iu America. At a supper the
other night / the hand If my hostess kissed and 3
do not think She liked it. ] am au acsdeHis.sn.
not society gentleman please pardon me e my
questions offend
Answer: No. your questions do not Of
fend The Arbiter is pleased 90 answer
them. Il is not the custom in America
for the gentleman to make the first bow
i; IS the invariable privilege Of a lady 10
recognize her men acquaintance. If your
new-found acquaintance stared" az your
greeting, she was probably near-sighted
or didn't recognize you with your hat on
for American women are, as a rule, tact
ful and kind-hearted. ana it IS quite sure
she could not have intended a slight. A
word OF advice just here. you will meet
many customs in America different from
those IN Germany. but bear in mind that
the majority, if not every one whom you
encounter, has the kindest feelings to-
ward you. and never take offeuse. In re-
Spouse to your second question. IL is the
custom IN America for the man 90 walk
on the outside. that is, the street side.
or the pavement when ne is with q lady
This Is true, also for maid. compauion
or secretary The continental custom
for interiors 20 take the left-hand side is
unknown here. Isn't ID possible that
your ignorance OF American usages in
spires you 10 fancy an embarrassment
where none was felt? Bear in mind that
the American young woman is not bred I'M
the Old World customs, and forgive and
forget If she unconsciously hurts you
Your third question: Does not a gen
America Yes some old-fashioned or
foreign-bred men do, but it is not usual.
T. Question / wrote you several weeks arc with
reference % my having come % Washington in the
more OF ENDING more expensive social life for
myself and little girls and Of ms disappointment
Your answer most kind and Illuminating and
/ writing now not only to thank Won for In
but % take advantage Of your kind invitation 10
ask Jon for more suggestions. YCu said in ~ogr
letter that J must have the cooperation of ms
husband Now you cannot imagine any one more
helpless than ! an in that respect. n the CIV
efnors Of all the clubs here were 90 come 10 him
on their knees. begging him 70 join. he would
scarcely more than accept As for making an effort
10 be proposed. ] would sooner expect the sun O.
come few million miles nearer 90 warm MS up
d3T1cg this cold weather. So you see I have to
count him out and do all that is done myself /
have tned 20 take y0T advice about calling but
do not see anything very productive therefrum. For
the most part / have received cards In return. and
Of those who return my calls I see nothing but
formal exchange of obligations ] do not COMPLAIN
please understand. q sights or suubbiug. but Just
That mid indifference that person uuiutrUduced
and with no official position should expect
Another. as for giving dinners, how my dear help
iug friend should / find people % invites II would
be Door business to ask people who are IN my own
condition OF loneliness and % gather about me a
set q undesirable Acquaintance 70 meet those few
desirable ones I might have would he TO proclaim
myself failure from the start
All Of this sounds horribly commercial bat these
are problems which must be facing mauy-many
perhaps who. like myself are sensitive and easily
discouraged Ny little girls only six and eight
50 that aside from placing them in a good private
school I cannot get assistance from them as II
they were in dancing schools. golf clubs. and the
like.
I am afraid Of disgusting you with my incom-
peteace. but ! am trusting 70 that tolerant spirit
with which you received the first letter and the
will frlrh
grateful if you could simply expand your advice and
suggestions.
II might suggest such thing would not perhaps
yUur leading article under the Social Code be
good field in which 60 treat at some length Of a
situation like mine in which there must be a great
number interested on their own accori7 I cannot
think that the only person who apparently
has right 20 good social position but who. from
some lack. either Of experience skill, courage, or
what not is kent psrpetually outside
Very respectfully, yours. r.
] hope You'll forgive the paper and its c0mbina-
ton with envelope. ] was wen along in nv letter be
fore realized the sin l was committing.
Answer: AS it is hardly probable that
the governors of all the clubs in town
will go to your husband ION their knees,
begging him 20 join their clubs. the sug-
gestion in this connection can be, there
fore, dismissed, and also the cooperation
of your husband in your social ambitions.
1t seems hardly worth while to give you
further advice as to calling. Try to
bear in mind that people in washington
society are very busy. u they send their
cards by foOtman or by mail. that is suf-
ficient Acknowledgment o. your visit, IN
less they are intimates. The next step
for you to take is to give a tea and in
vite everybody on whom you have called
who has made any recognition of your
visit. Look back at the Arbiter's paper
on teas for instructions in this regard.
If you give a tea, do not be led into fool
ish features, but make your entertain
ment simple, dignihed, and elegant Don't
perfume your house or strew your table
with impossible flowers. and have a dozen
women assist you. Let everything be as
unostentatious as possible.
From those who come to this tea-and
I can assure that many viii come-se-
lect q dozen women and give luncheon,
another dozen, men and women. and give
a dinner. If you cannot have those you
want. take those you can get. One does
not begin at the top but at the bottom.
Of the ladder that leads to success, and