davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-13
BY F. P. DUNNE
.o.o.O.o.o.O.o.o.c.o.o.o.Es.o.o.O.o-o.o.o

him. Fame invites a man out iv his l house to be crowned f'r his gloryous | deeds, an sarves him with a warrant f'r batin' his wife. Iris not in tn na- ture iV things that it shuddent be so
 We'd all perish iv humilyation if tn gr-reat men iv tn wurruld didn't have nachral low down thraits. If they don't happen to possess thim, we make some up f'r thim. We allow no man to tower over us Wan way or another we level tn wurruld to our own height. If we can't reach tn hero's head. we cut off his legs. It always makes me feel aiser about myself whin l rread how bad Julius Cayzar was. An 1t stimylates compytition. If gr-reatness an goodness were hand in hand, 'tis small chance iny iv us wud have iv seein' our pitchers in tn papers,
 But says I, no wan wud iver thry to be gloryous if he knew that he was ony openin' up tn way f'r a careful inquiry into his pers'nal habits, says I. Ye'd catch me leadin' an army again a lot iv la ads with cannon if thought that 1t was goin' to make some feller begin to call on me dentist to find where I bought me teeth, says I.
 'Ye'd niver stop to think says he. No wan iver does. Glory Is a chance like tn other thing. It all comes or doesn't come out in tn days job, an ye can't stop or help it. An no wan will talk bad about ye afther ye ar-re dead onless ye'Fe done somethin' that makes people talk good iv ye. I'd have some throuble gettin' an aujience fir story about Hogan, but lave me whis- per: Did ye hear that yarn about Gro yer Cleveland?' an 1 can go on an lie to me hearts contint.
 An SO it is that tn battles ye win, tn pitchers ye paint tn people ye free, tn childher that disgrace ye, tn false steps iv we're youth, an the false tooth iv we're age all go thundherin' down to immortality togither An afther all, isn't it good thing? Tn on'y biography l care about Is tn wan Mulligan, tn stonecutter will chop out tr me. I like Mulligan's style, fir he's no flatthrer, an he has wan model iv biography that he uses fir old an young, rich an poor. He merely writes somethin' to tn pin'ra effect that tn deceased was a peach, an lets it go at that. But If amy wan wants to write a biography iy me an conthribute some fun to this weary wurruld, let Jim do it. says l. Nawthin' wud please me betther thin to know that some day ye will think ye ar-re betther man thin I am. But not f'r tn prisint, says he.'
 (Which wud ye rather be famous or rich?" asked MT. Hennessy.
 'Td like to be famous" said Mir. noplc-r tan have monav enouoh to hitv off all threatenin' bl-ographers."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-13
BY GEORGE AIDE
.o- o.oo.o.o.o.o.c.o.o.o.o.o
..o.o.o.e,.c.o.c,.c.c.o.o.o

She realizes the full ambition of every pure-minded American Girl whose inmost Soul Is frothing with So- cial Ambitions.
 She marries Lord Rottington just in time to save him from going on the Stage and gets her picture in the Pa pers twice--first when she goes down the long chute to where the Bishop Is waiting, and second, when his Lord ship chases her across country strik- ing at her with Nibllck.
 She pays whatever she can spare for Legal Separation, but they can't take the Title away from her because she has had that sewed on.
 So Rollo has the Long Green, and Elsie is a Grass Peeress, which proves that all Little Boys and Girls should behave and abstain from doing any thing that they really want to do.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-13

his ears an pink monkeys dancin' be- fure his eyes. he cud still write home to his wife: 'Ol' girl-I can't find amy thing fit to dhrink down here. Cant ye sind me some cider firm tn farm?' In 1865 he was accused of embez- zlemint, but tn charges nlyer reached his ears or tn publics ontil eight years afther his death. In '67 his foster brother, that he had neglicted in Kansas City, slipped on his ballroom flure an broke his leg. In TO his wife died. afther torturin him fir fifty years. They were a singularly badly mated couple, with a family iv fourteen childher, but he did not live long to enjoy his happiness. FIT some reason he niver left his house but passed away within a month, one iv tn gr-reatest men tn cInchry has pro jooced. Fr further details iy tn wrong things he done see tn notes at tn end iv tn volume
 'It seems to me. Hinnissy, that this here thing called biography is a king iv an offset f'r histhry. Histhry lies on one side, an biography comes along an makes 1t rowl over an lie on tn other side. Histhry says man Is nearly Gawd; biography says he's on'y poor kind iv man. Tn his toryan says, go up; tn bi-ographer says, come down among us. I don't believe ayether iv thim.
 T was tallxin' with Father Kelly about 1t afther Hogan wint out. Were they all so bad, thim men that I've been brought up to think so gloryous? 9 says I. They were men, says Father Kelly. 'Ye mustn't believe all ye hear about thim, no matther who says It. says he. It's a thrait iv human nature to pull down tn gr-reat an sthrong.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-13

frindship so full iv sorrow an happi- ness to both iv thim. He seldom min toned her but wan night he was heerd to mutter: Her face is like wan iv Rembrandt's saints A few historyans contind that what he said was: Her face looks like remnant sale, but cannot believe this.
 "They exchanged brilliant letters fir nanny years, in fact ontil tn enchant- hress was locked up. l have not been able to find amy iv his letters, but hers fell into tn hands iv wan iv his faith full servants, who preserved an pub lished thim. (Love an Letters iv Gin ral Dhreadnaught an Alfaretta Agon- ized; Stolen, Collected an Edited be James Snodgrass.) Next year was mim' 'rable f'r his gloryous victhry at Punkheim, all tn more wonderful because at tn time our hero was suf- ferin' firm deleeryyum thremens. It shows tn fortitude iv tn Gin'ral an that he was as gr-reat liar as I've indicated in tn precedin' pages that with tn cheers iv his sojers ringin' in
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-13
Underwear for Camping.

From Stewart E. Whites Camp Equip
 ment," In the Outing Magazine for Jan
 uary.
 The true point of comfort Is, however. your underwear. It should be of wool. I know that a great deal has been printed against 1t; and a great many hygienic principles are invoked to prove that linen, cotton, or silk is better. But ex- perience with all of them merely leads back to .Ae starting point. If one were certain never to sweat freely, and never to get wet. the theories might hold. But once let linen or cotton or silk under garments get thoroughly mostened, and the first chilly little wind is your un- doing You will shlver and shake before the hottest fire and nothing short of complete change and a rubdown will do you any good.
 Now, of course, in the wilderness you expect to undergo extremes of tempera- ture and occasionally 10 pass unproteet- cd through rainstorm or stream. Then you will discover that wool dries quick ly: that even when damp it warns com fortably to the body. l have waded all day in early spring freshet water with no positive discomfort except for the cold ring around my legs which marked the surface of the water.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-13

nawthin' else to do starts out to write a biography about a gr-reat man, he don't go to tn war departmint or tn public library. No. Sir, he begins to search tn bureau drawers, old pigeon holes, tn records iv tn police coort an tn recollictions iv tn hired girl. He likes letters betther thin annything else. He don't care much f'r tn kind beginnin': Dear wife, I'm settin' in front iv tn camp fire wearin' tn flan- nel chest protector ye made me, an dhreamin' iv ye.' but if he can find wan beginnkn': Little Bright Eyes, tn old woman has gone to tn counthry he's tn happiest bi-ographer ye cud see in a months thravel
 Hogan had wan iv thim books in here tn other day. Twas written by frind, so ye can see 1t wasn't prijudiced wan way or another. At this time,' says tn book, 'an ivint happened that was distined to change tn whole coorse iy our hero's life. Wan day. while in a stthreet car, where he lay dozin' firm dhrink, he awole to see a beauti- full woman thryin' to find a nickel in powder puff. Tn brutal conductor lowered over her, an it was more thin tn Gin'ral eud bear. Risln' to his feet, with an oath, he pulled tn rope iv tn fare rigister an fell off tn car.
 "Th' incidint made deep imprission on tn Gin'ral. have no doubt he often thought iv his beautiful Madonna iv tn throlley, although he niver said so But wan night as he staggered out iv tn dinin' room at tn German Ambas- sadure's, where he had consumed his custom'ry four bottles iv brandy. who shud he run acrost but tn fair vision iy tn surface line. She curtsied low an picked him up, an there began a
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-13
NCE there was a Little Boy
 who loved his Parents and / never played Marbles for

NCE there was B Little Boy
 who loved his Parents and never played Marbles fol
 Keeps, and his name was Rollo.
 If his name had been Bill he would have waited back of the Barn to shy a few Clods at the new Copper-but his name was Rollo.
 It wouldn't have been so tough on him if the name had been Clyde, or Elmer, or Chauncy, or even Rudolph, but it is sure enough hard luck when a lot of pin-headed Relations rope and throw a Helpless Infant and brand ROLLO on his Flank.
 Rollo has sister named Elsie.
 No doubt you have heard of Rollo and know something about little Elsie, but 1t will surprise you to learn that they were Kin. You will remember Rollo as the Manly Urchin who was ever kind to Animals, while Elsie was l the sweet-faced Tot who thought she was having a Bully Time if she could / pluck few Daisies and put them in her Hair.
 Rollo and Elsie have been strongly featured in sterilized Reading Matter for the Young, but so far as the Author can discover they have not been seen anywhere else.
 They were cooked up simply as De- coys. They are somewhat like the Weepy Heroine in the $2 play. A man will sit in the Parquet and sympathize with her and pull for her and cry until his Gloves get soft, and yet if he had anything like that waiting for him at 4l1 1Ja4 H1 Jn,t l.. two weeks.
 Rollo, as he appears in the Illustra- tions, wore a wideawake Hat, with q sporty Buckle on it, and had Curls such as Janice Meredith made so popular about five years ago. In his more riotous moments he was depicted in the act of rolling a Hoop around a Flower Bed.
 Elsie was shown in the Wood En- graving as hammered down Miss, with Eyes about the size of Individual Butter Dishes and a Mouth so small that she could not have eaten Goose berry without cutting it in two
 Rollo and Elsie were very popular Characters about twenty years ago. That is, the Young People would read about Rollo in the House, but out in the Wood Shed they would get Goose Pimples while following the trail of the train robbers with Silver Star, the Boy Detective.
 Since then we have made a great Advance. The Colored Supplement has brought sunshine into many Homes.
 The real up-to-date Chrildren's Page shows the light-hearted Lads and Lassies engaged in such innocent Di- versions as blowing up Mother with a Cannon Cracker or soaking Dada over the head with a Ball Bat.
 Since the precocious Youth of our Land have learned to jump from the eecord Reader right into the Sporting
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-13
WEIRD ORCHESTRA.
Strauss's "Salome" Requires Wonder
 ful Combination of Instruments.

From the January Broadway.
 Here is list of instruments which Strauss uses in "Salome." lo4 in all: IS first yiollns. 6 second violins. l2 vio- las. 10 violoncell g bases. little flute, large flutes oaOes 1 English horn, heckelphone, E-na; elarinets, A clari- nets, horns. trumpcts. trombones. bass tuba, timpani lone playeD, l small timpani, tamtam. cynlbals. bass drum. snare drum tambourine. triangle, zylo- phone, pairs of castinets, glockenspiel harps celesta and harmonium and or gan behind the scenes.
 The heckelphone, halfway between an oboe and bassoon," explained MT. Hertz, is an absolutely new instrument invented for the occasion. The celesta, a glocken- spiel played like plano. is new to New York It Is common enough in Europe and the Theodore Thomas orchestra in Chicago used one recently in presenting a pew work by the Dutch composer, Jan Blockx.
 But this isn't all. Tn ordinary score one first violin part looks like any other first violin part; not so in Strauss. The first violins are divided into no less than eight partsl And this is just as true of the other strings. So that to get true idea of A melody one has to skip up and down the page of the full score and not read in vertical line as one might do In Martha" or even "Lohengrfn." No one part by Itself means anything at all. Whereas in most operas there Is a quar- tet of strings, in "Salome" Strauss often has divided the strings alone into twenty parts. On one page the writer counted thirty-nine lines for the Instruments alone, exclusive of the voicesl
 Mir Hertz spoke of some extraordinary orchestral color that Strauss had gotten into the score: the gasping of Salome, i as she is waiting. bent over the cistern. | for the severed head. is represented by a | high note on the passes. the strings of which are pinched between the thumb and | finger and not pressed Before that when | Salome looks into the pit for the first | time, attracted by the voice of Iokanaan. | the contra basses play the tones c. F. shan, q and B pianissimo and niyteri- | ously while the violins play F-fat tre- l molo: it is the atmosphere of tho un-
 derxround prison in toneA
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-13

Dooley, prominent retail liquor dealer in Arrchey road That's what wanted. an I'm glad I didn't git me wish. If I had 'tis little attintion to me character that tn books iv what Hogan calls biography wud pay, but good deal to me debts. Though they mintioned tn fact that I resked death f'r me adopted fatherland, they'd make tn inthrestin' story about tn time almost met it be fsllin down sthairs
 while runnin' away firm a polisman. F'r wan page they'd print about me love iv country they'd print fifty about
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-13

whskers and tied in thest White Tie come around and tell them how tough they are and how good he is, but with the Children it is different.
 For we read right in the Book that when little Rollo would find his play mates conspiring upon some act of Mischief he would rebuke them gently call attention in few appropriate sentences to the Moral Aspect of the case. and they would all hang their heads and be abashed and relinquish their Sinful Intentions.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-13
CONCERNING eLoRr
c.s

bout me. Thank tn Lord I had tn good sinse to retire firm pollyticks whin me repytation had spread as far as Halsted sthreet. If I'd let it go a block farther Id've been sorry f'r it tn rist iv me life an some years afther me death.
 T wanted to be famous in thim days, Whin l was young an foolish. Twas tn dhream iv me life to have people say as 1 wint by: There goes Dooley, tn gr-reatest statesman iv his age an have thim name babies, sthreets, schools, canal boats, an five-cint see
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-13

Rollo never loosened up and clipped in to buy Mask and Catcher's Glove for the Cub Juniors.
 He never knocked the bottom out of a Copper Boiler and sneaked it down to the Junk Shop to get money enough to buy Candy Cigars for the Bunch.
 He never tried to smoke Rattan or Corn Silk, or go after English Spar rows with a Niger Shooter. So far as we can learn he devoted nearly all of his time to rolling the Hoop.
 Rollo was a Reformer. That made him very popular. Of course, grown-up people don't much like to have some cadaverous Willie with stringy side-'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-13

Unless, of course, she has to look after Rollo or Elsie and then the work is Nuts. Rollos Governess never had to tell him to keep his face clean and not play with Irish on the other side of the Tracks.
 We read that both Rollo and Elsie were invariably polite to the Governess and kind to the Butler and friendly with the Gardener and one very good terms with James, the Coachman.
 You take Boy who has to get up at A. M. in Winter and dig the Sawbuck out of Snow Bank and who usually gets pair of Warm Mittens for Christ mas. and there is nothing that could cheer him more than to read about
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-13

Jimmy Gohegan, whose father is getting a dollarten a day at the Gas House.
 Of the 22,000,000 Little Ones now growing up in this Country, it is esti- Governess.
 The beautiful young lady who goes up in a balloon and then canes back in a Parachute has a Tapioca compared with the unfortunate Female who tackles the job of looking after a flock of Kids that belong to somebody else.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-13

Fine!
 Can you not see the Push getting ready to hitch Goat to Wagon and wrasling him all over the back yard to get the Harness on him? Little Rollo comes out and begs them to de- sist, as 1t is wrong to take advantage of the Dumb Creatures.
 They may close in on Rollo and wal Ter him and give him a bad Eye and send him home all open in the back, but he need not worry or feel discour- aged, for he has done his Duty.
 We read in the books that Rollo was never rude to his Governess. This line of reading about the Governess must nake . very direct appeal to little
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-13

Old Age. In sixty-five or seventy years he will be old and that nickel, figured at compound interest, will run up to about thirty-fve cents, which will buy him a Good Cigar in some places.
 Can you imagine what all the ornery little Boys, with sunburn and warts and stone e-bruises, all of whom wanted to be Trapeze Performers in circus or else grow up and be like the James Brothers, thought Of little Rollo? No doubt they spoke well of him.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-13

make reputation. No. sir, our talk was entoirely bout tn great an illus trous, an 1t ran all tn way firm Julius Cayzar to Ulysses Grant.
 Dear, oh dear. but they were tn bad lot. Thank tn Lord nobody knows
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-13
me inra iu hnnse

me love iv boose
 "Th' things thim gr-reat men done wud give thim place in Byrens' book. If Julius Caysar was alive today he'd be doin' lock-step down in Joliet. He was a corner loafer in his youth an a
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-13

gars afther me, an whin died to have it put in tn books that at this critical peeryod in tn histhry iv America there was need iv man who combined strenth iv character with love iv coun- thry. Such man was found in Martin
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-13
~ w

IaIked thln I lveT thought was m th wurruld''
 Hogan had betther keep quiet" said MT. Hennessy. If he goes circulatn' amy stories bout me, I'l1-..
 "Ye needn't worry said Mir. Dooley. "We didn't condescind to talk bout iny wan iv ye're infeeryor station. If ye want to be tn subjick iv our scan 'lous discoorse, ye'd betther git out an
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-01-13

ELL, Sir" said MT. Doc
 ley, Hogan has been in here this afthernoon, an
The Washington herald., 1907-11-01
CHANGE THE SUBJECT.
Chancellor Days Advice TO CrOakers
and Prophets of Evil.

Chancellor Day, in Appletons
The remedy? Talk Of nothing for a
year but the great and glorious things
OF America. Talk of the thousand varie-
ties Of handy and cheap forms into which
meats and fruits and vegetables. all edi-
bles. are being put for men in all places
and pursuits, from the day laborer TO the
north pole explorer Talk Of the differ
ence between kerpsene at Is or % cents
gallon and kerosene at 81 gallon.
and every gallon at that time might blow
you into kingdom come. Talk of the by
products once in the dump heaps that
are adding hundreds Of millions annually
to our c0untrys wealth and the comforts
OF the rich TO the homes Of the poor.
Talk of unnumbered forms of manufac-
ture, those most active agents Of civiliza-
tiOn which must be credited up TO our
great land, Talk of the railways which,
from opposition in their inception to per
secution throughout their history, have
pushed on, opening up States, filling the
nation with teeming millions, transport
ing us for a fraction of the cost Of con-
veying ourselves in all directions, hurllng
our papers and letters off at every way
side village at a mile minute. and TAX
ing to the tidewaters for the markets
OF the world the products Of our fields
and the work OF our shops and factories.
Talk about these great things a year
and see how Few things there viii be
90 complain about
The Washington herald., 1907-11-01
Concerning Pumpkin Pic.


We confess to a sensation Of sadness.
mayhap akin TO pain, when we read in
the Baltimore Sun recently a vicious.
not 10 say abandoned and utterly reck-
less assault on pumpkin pie. The deroga-
tory effusion 90 which we refer was
strange enough within itself, but COM
ing as il did from the sun, the field Of
endeavor in which that greatest pfeolo-
gist In all this land the Bentztown Bard.
fiourishes and daily spreads himself. it
was little short Of shocking.
This is distinctly the pumpkin pie ne
riod Of the year. Everywhere YOU turn
looms large the pumpkin. Its reign is
all too brief. It is ushered in with the
laughter of children or Halloween night
and its glory begins to fade with the
waning of Thanksgiving Day. But dur
ing the period Of time indicated il brings
much genuine JOY into the world and
delights many palate with which il NAV
come in contact when appropriately
garbed and seasoned for the same.
Unfortunately for pumpkin pie. there is
an erroneous impression abroad that il is
not pumpkin pie at all. but, instead. a
Concoction based upon Hubbard squash
By reason of this idea, the real glory Of
the pumpkin has suffered great discradft
As a matter of fact. the very best pump
kin pie is made of genuine pumpkin
nothing more or less. Squash Die is
merely called pumpkin pie by courtesy
or perhaps for euphonys sake Obvi-
ously. 10 call plebeian squash pie by its
right name would work great hardships
upon it-eXpose il TO ridicule and uncom-
plImentary remarks. No pie eater of
repute desires 10 heap sorrow upon the
head Of any variety of pie All OF it is
very precious in the sight of those who
know and understand. Therefore. SQUASH
pie-which. after all, is distantly related
10 pumpkin pie, even though it is neces-
sarily rated poor kin-is allowed TO as
sumo the more dignifed and more high
~ h0nored name as aforesaid.
That there is rank and bitter division
inside the Sun office. we feel assured
Never shall We believe, until the Bentz-
town Bard himself says it, that the anti
pumpkin pie sentiment is unanimous
there. Nowhere have we read such glow
ing praise of pie in all this land as in
the sun We e-gratefully. and with
exceeding delight-pictured the Bard as
standing in "a sea of pies-pies, pies,
everywhere, and nothing else to eat.