Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1907-05-14
ARTEMUs WARD, SNOWMAN.
Aneedote of the Humorist on the Plat
form.

Aneedote of the Humorist on the Plat
form.
In the closing years Of the war be.
tween the states the writer was 6
member Of a get rich quick company
that was formed at Trenton, N. ]. The
plan adopted was to hire the most pop.
ular lecturer, pay them their regular
fees and incidental expenses and ther
divide the big profits. The first and
last lecturer the company engaged
was Charles F. Browne. more popu.
larly known as Artemus ward, show.
man.
Having notified the manager Of the
combination that his charge was $50
without anything in the way Of ex.
penses. the engagement was made ant
Trenton was plastered with posters
announcing that the great humorist
would speak his piece entitled "Sixty
Minutes In Africa" on a certain night
The days intervening were spent by
the members Of the company by fore
casting the enormous receipts to be
divided among them after paying al
debts incurred.
When I met Browne at the. station
and we were riding to the hotel
handed him an envelope containing his
fee. He declined to take it saying:
wait till you see how you come
out. I don't believe you will have
much Of a crowd and don't want yor
to lose too heavily.N
The chivalry of this, 80 different
from the usual lecturer, became mani.
fest when we found the hall only hall
filled. Many Of those present were
deadheads. One of the firm had be-
come scared when he peeped In the
door and he slipped out and corralet
several scores of his friends, whom he
passed into the hall.
Having introduced the lecturer,
seated myself in a chair behind him
and looked dignified. Those who may
have heard Sixty Minutes In Africa
will recall that from the beginning tc
the end there Is no reference whatever
to the Dark Continent. The lecture
was made up Of quaint sayings, anec-
dotes and the odd quips for which Ar
temus Ward was noted.
He had not spoken more than fifteen
minutes from his manuscript when he
begged the indulgence Of his hearers
saying he had been travelling so much
over the country that he was worn out
and would have to sit down and rest
for a brief while. He hoped he would
be able to finish what he had to say.
He caused a shiver to run down the
spine of each member Of our firm by
promising that IL he found himself un-
able to go on the admission fee would
be returned to the audience. The dead
heads looked expectant and happy.
sprang from my chair, poured out
glass Of water and placed 1t on the
stand in front Of Browne. He paid not
the least attention, but went on and
completed his lecture in his best man
ner, while knowing grins appeared on
the faces Of his listeners.
II hope you weren't offended" he
said, by way Of apology when he was
through. THAT, you know, is a pari
Of the show. I am a little apprehen-
sive since I made clergyman 80 mad
that I thought he would swear at me
He would accept no explanation OF
apology and left the platform without
so much as bidding me good night"
At the hotel Brownies fee was again
offered him. He insisted on knowing
how much We had taken in, and the
amount Of our expense. Then he &C
cepted $25, refusing to take another
cent. That let US out about even.
There could not have been greater
contrast between the persons than
there was between the real and the
fancied A. Ward. He was Of slight
fragile frame, very thin, with yellow
hair, huge hooked nose, dainty hands
and feet, a tawny mustache and
pink complexion. Indeed, his color was
too pink and presaged the disease
which carried him off q few years Ia
ter.
II lectured in Troy a few weeks
ago." he said to a group OF US IN
his room, "and had an odd experience
didn't reach the hall until few min
utes after the time advertised, and
strange as it may seem, 1t was crowd
ed to the doors.
II stepped upon the platform, laid
my overcoat on the sofa behind me and
advanced to the task At the momen,
Of opening my mouth fat, bald-head-
ed man seated in front threw back
his head and roared with laughter.
81 frowned reprovingly and waited
for him to subside. When he hao
managed to do so, opened my mouth
again. He exploded more boisterously
than before, and this time most Of the
audience joined him.
81 thought there must be some RI
diculous disarrangement Of my CLOTH
ing. I glanced nervously down, but
everything was right, browne was an
exquisite in dress) Then the expla-
nation flashed upon me.
1.-The genial fellow, while waiting for
my belated coming, had been thinking
about the popular idea Of A. Ward
Snowman, and recalled some OF the
nonsense uttered by him. When ne
saw the real A Ward before him he
was overcome by this recollection, as
we'll as by the contrast, and gave way
to understandable merriment.
Convinced Of this, I began to laugh,
For fully five minutes not a word was
spoken but every man and woman, In
cluding myself, were holding their
sides. Three times while was speak
ing my bald headed friend exploded,
the others Joined and I shook and
waited till able to resume.
when 1 came down from the plat
form, the gentleman FASTENED forward
to apologize. It was as I suspected,
and he said ruefully that really ne
couldn't help it.
Don't apologize I replied. 1
know 1t did you a lot Of good and
haven't enjoyed anything 80 much In