The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11

| Inc job Is both thorough and clean, enG
4 telephone magnate named Glass,
Said TO be in the bribe-giving class.
That Doodle division
Has made of him simply an ass.
A judge by the plain name of Dunno.
Whom grafters in future will shun.
Sent Schnstz off to jail
And the thanks of the whole state has won
e: A. Brininstool in the Los Angeles
Express.
Used to the Altogether.
William Jennings Bryan, at a din
ner in Lincoln. talked about London.
London" said Mr.. Bryan. sis I'M
doubtedly the smartest city in the
world. One sees nowhere else such
elegance as in the fashionable London
restaurants, the theaters and the
parks. English ladies always wear
decollete gowns at restaurant dinners
and the theater. Our American ladies
are readily to be distinguished at these
places by their more modest high
necked gowns
81 was discussing this matter one
evening with an Englishman, and he
told me a story. He said that he once
gave a dinner in honor of a famous
several of the more beautiful of the
ladies among his guests wore gowns
that were rather outrageous. After
ward, in the smoking ROOM the host
felt it his duty to apologize for these
ladies.
Their gowns he said, may have
struck you as somewhat immodest,
sir; but L assure you that no i'm
modesty was intended. 1t is the fash
ion here in London. that is ALL
"'Oh, don't apologize said the mis-
sionary. 1T hasn't affected me in the
least. You forget that / have lived
eight years among the savages.
Too AU-EYred Gonerfus
A railroad reporter declared in Up
ton Sinclair's hearing that freight re-
bates were sometimes granted purely
out of generosity.
Mr.. Sinclair, laughing, exclaimed:
admit that to be true. and then
your generosity is no better timed than
Alkali likes. A traveller arrived late
one night at the Palace hotel in Tin
Can, and, being very tired. he ordered
his dinner to be served in his room.
AS he was peacefully eating his bear
steak. he heard a loud noise down.
stairs, a bang, an oath. two quick
crashes. and then a bullet shot up
through the floor and wounded the
traveller in the leg. Putting down his
knife and fork. he rose and began to
hop about the room with loud groans.
Suddenly the landlord burst In on him:
"'Whar did that thar bullet go to?'
the landlord exclaimed. laughing. oh,
air We hurt, stranger? Wall, now,
that's too bad! Ye see, A1kali Ike and
Redface Leary had an argument over
their liquor down in the bar. and fit it
fust and missed. and Ike-the ALFRED
generous cuss!-he fired in the air. "
shocking.
DR. Frederick A. Cook, the noted ex-
plorer, was talking in New York about
his idea of trying to reach the South
pole with automobiles.
Polar exploring in automobiles seems
-
shocking innovation, doesn't it?" he
said. TT seems almost as shocking as
the innovation that was employed one
Sunday night upon Brooklyn doctor. |
The doctor was in church. He occupied
a front pew. The church was crowded, |
the preacher preaching eloquently; a |
perfect silence reigned. But suddenly a |
man dashed in at the door. He held up |
his hand for the preacher to pause. |
Then he cried:
lis DR. Henry Smith here?'
with all eyes centered upon him, DR.. |
Henry Smith rose slowly in his front |
seat and turned round.
" What is wanted?' he said. He had |
the grave, weary air of man who Is |
almost overburdened with the response |
bilities heaped upon him.
Are you DR.. Henry Smith
a. I am
"sWen, doctor, I am Cache & Com
pany's new collector. When will it be |
1OI you ~ oCNlAS NAAnI AAtSAS |
account of theirs?'"
Needed ChiSel.
The struggling author from the wilds |
of Indiana boldly entered the ditorial |
sanctum.
1T have come with my latest story"
he announced.
THAT sop calculated the busy editor.
Let us hear how it runs"
well, this is from the first chapter:
Casper had been standing as motionless
as block of granite. Suddenly he drop
ped on his knees before the beautiful |
girl with the alabaster brow and bold
~ proposed. 1t las then that she an
swered with a stony stare and handed |
him the marble heart Then"
But the busy editor reached for the
clipping shears.
young man." he Numbered, you
have made a mistake. Take that story
down to the nearest stoneyard. This is
an editorial office."-Chicago News.