The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1907-09-07
TERWllLlGER WANTS DATA
Wo:Shiy 9rohlom Before Chicken
Picking Hacalno tlan.


| People 80 Lastport l.. l., and the
neighOorinG villages of East Nor.
lches and Speonk report that they
have received in the FAST week any
number OF printed notices reading rs
follows:
Are YOU interested n anti-fat? II
so, you will learn something to your
advantage by consulting with TER
WILLIGER, Eastport"
| The wording of this notice has ex.
cited considerable comment. There is
no mincing of words, no beating
around the bush. Terwilliger of East
port hit straight out from the shout
der.
If you are interested In reductions
systems there is only one thing for
you to do IL you're not interested,
just throw the notice into the waste.
basket. or, II you live at Eastport,
Moriches or Speonk, into the kitchen
stove
Ever since Terwilliger, Passports
most constructive citizen perfected
his chicken picking machine, by means
of which a chicken can be separated
from its feathers in three minutes at
the outside, all Eastporters have been
wondering what the inventor would
turn his attention to next 1t seems
perfectly clear, in the light of tt'e
notice and Terwilliger's own rems <.
that he is going to tackle the weight
problem of avoirdupois.
A Moriches man whose curiosity
long ago overcame his discretion hur-
ried over to Terwilliger's house ;he
day after the notices first began 10
appear to find out what was up. AS
pretext he said he was interested in
the subject and had come to consult
the inventor and learn something to
his advantage. Terwilliger gazed on
him with surprise and disapproval.
Now see here, 81 Cornelium," he
exclaimed, Il know darn we'll you
didn't get one of those notices, for
sent 'em out myself. Besides, how
can you be interested-you being
thinner than fence rail?
"An' don't you suppose I know you
do corresponding for ther New York
papers? You orter be ashamed of
yourself to butt in like this. | won't
stand fer any press-agenting, either.
Well, l s'pose since you're here, !
might as well explain 1t to you.
You see. it's Jest this way. |
weigh nigh 800 pounds myself, an my
wife weighs 200. When I was boy
and went to school got tired to death
being told IF you don't like so an so,
you can lump it. I got. so used to tell
EN-: Yes. an can lump the whole
lot of you That usually shut 'em up,
for they knew l could lick 'em with
one fist.
AN ever since then I've been the
butt of sly jokes about how when
go in swimmin' ther tide rises six
inches an all that sorter thing. j
made up my mind wouldn't stand for
1t any longer an as soon as finished
my chicken picker I'd set out to find
an accurate, scientific way to reduce
superfluous flesh.
mo, | haven't done anything about
It yet. I'm jest amin to consult with
those that are truly interested in the
problem with view to getting first
hand data to work with. Now there's
quite few f1eshy people In Eastport
and Speonk, though not so many in
Moriches, where they're mostly like
you. thinner than q beanpole.
"Why, Jest let me tell you what hap
pened while l was In New York two
weeks ago putting my chicken picker
on Their market. My wife and ]
thought we'd like ter see Their sights,
and 30 we got on one Of those sight.
seeing automobiles.
They wasn't a.going to let US on at
first, they thought we was too much
Of a load. But the chatter. says: oh,
let EN- on; put EN- In the back seat,
an they'll keep the machine from
skidding when we take the corners.
So finally they put US in ther back
seat.
mo sooner had we set down when
there was an explosion like q Calling
gun an my wife nearly tainted. One
Of the back tires had burst. Hy-guy,
they was sore. an SO was to think
we couldn't take Their trip.
But that wasn't our only dificulty.
The next day we boarded q Twenty.
eighth street car to 60 across town.
Their darn car was light weight an
the moment my wife an was square.
ly on the back platform the two front
wheels tilted clear Of the track.
1.-THE motorman let out a yell, he
was so surprised, an policeman came
running up. He an Their conductor
insisted we must get of right away,
though told 'em they could drive the
car all right as long as ther two rear
wheels was on Their track. But ther
motorman was superstitious an said
he'd be gol darned IL he'd drive the car
that way.
| $50 we got off. l was going to pay
our fares and sue the company, but
the conductor refused to take 'em;
said It would be shame to take
the money, or something like that
Now you can jest see what a prop
l