The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1907-12-08

hllyNsA- 4 see q StOrN yesterday ABOUT
girl IN New York losing one OF her
shoes on the street car. and the same
afternoon another New York girl lost her
appendix / always thought an sppen-
dix was something Ia a book, but the
papers said that she carried Il around
in a bottle as souvenir, and that she
lost IL on Broadway. I wonder how
she'll ever get on without IT, It's a
funny world. Job. They're telling now
about man who just got home in Con-
neeticut after having been away since
the civil war. He went away 10 enlist
and he fought all through the war and
all this time his wifes been waiting
FOR him back, and he's only just got
home. That's just like some husbands.
II he'd a stayed away she might have
got pension for him. ana there's
mighty few husbands that are worth
having instead Of a pension BY the
way. job Is your life insurance policy
still running? What company is Il 10?
Oh. that's the company that Mr..
Stuveysant Fish is in, isn't g.? They
say that Mr.. James HSzen Hyde Is
going 10 pay back a million dollars ne
borrowed from IL one day while he was
working there. I wonde- if anybody
had missed il?
Job. / wish some day soon you'd take
me down 20 the Capitol and let me see
Congress; I haven's been anywhere with
you since you took me 20 the Zoo. They
have been IN session a week now, and
they tell me that already they've put in
over 5000 bills. Just think Of 5000 new
laws. Why. I expect II they keep on that
way we'll have to pay fine for breath
ing next. I notice they're going TO ap-
propriate $500 so that Capt ChanIer
can build new aIrship so that If We
have 10 night Japan We can fly over
there and drop things on the island
wonder If that's the reason the Viscount
Aoki Is going home 1 don't blame him
for not wanting 20 stay in Washington
while Congress is in session. do yOu2
This building OF sirships must be a
pretty expensive business. I should
think. Here's France been spending all
sorts Of money on that airship with an
Irish name. and the blessed thing got
UP and flew Of all BY itself. It's get
ting 10 be just awful what with runa-
way automobiles on land. and runaway
battle ships on water, and now runa-
way airships up above.
Say. Job: what do you think Of
that man IN Chicago who went 10 jail
rather than kiss his wife, III bet ne
was a beast I suppose before he mar
ried her he just begged her TO kiss him.
lffF -I.. -srf-
as soon as we offer you kiss you don't
want II. and IL We try 70 hold back on
you, you Just tear the house down and
think yeGTs1--es abused. ! hope they
keep him in Jail. OF course 1t had 10 be a
Chicago mar see that that nice walk
er, Mr.. Weston. who walked all the way
from Maine 10 Chicago. seemed 10 be
kinder sorry when he got there. and he
wouldn't take any chances OF walking
out OF the place. He came away on the
limited
In the wOmaD's page, I see where
a woman eighty years Old is cutting
new set Of teeth-wisdOm teeth.
reckon There's q whole lot OF women
who don't seem 10 get wise until their
hairs a-falling out. see Mr.. Carnegie
IS starting out giving away more l.
braries: it's funny how that mans
money holds out guess if he still
thinks he don't want 10 die rich, he'd
better md something more expensive
than books 20 give away. He might,
! should think. help out some Of these
poor actor ladies. The other day LII
Ian Russell was 50 poor that she had
20 sen her jewels and pictures. and
now 1 notice that Mrs. Leslie Carter
has got 10 sell her furniture And.
while moneys as hard 70 get as it Is.
here's Swarthmore College giving Up
10000 rather than have her boys stop
playing football I wish some one would
make an offer ike that 10 me; I
wouldn't care If never played foot
bali again.
Sometimes the papers do have such
stupid things in. ! see that one Of them
says that woman can't think and
chew gum AT the same time What
nonseEse, Why. I always chew gum
when I thing real serious thoughts. Job.
please don't go 10 sleep. dear. 7 want
you 70 tel me al about the foreign
news What's this about the Sultan OF
Turkey having telephones set I'D ali
Over his country I SHOULDN'T think
he'd want them, would YOU? He's got
so many wives. and II they start 10 call
him up. he won't have time to do much
else than answer the phone What's
this TOO. about Gladys Vanderbilt hav-
ing 20 give up religion so that she
could marry her foreign duck? Seems
10 me absurd. It's bad enough TO me
10 have TO give up so much money for
those titled rogues, without giving Up
Your church for them-Tm sure he's not
worth il. ] don't think it's true that
Justice Harlan is 10 resign. do you?
Why should he? He can stiu eat as
much dinner as anybody
Job. Job, Do wake up. Is ii true
that the government clerks are going
10 get more money I do hope so. for
it's awful 70 Se as poor as we are. /
wish you'd never got a political Job.
May be though you'll get something out
Of ii soon. I see the Knox boom has
been launched. Denver is ready 10 spend
a hundred thousand dollars TO get the
Republican cOnvention-only Harry
News holding oct for more-and here's
Mr.. Taft hurrying home SOS he can beat
out Mr. Foraker. 1 tell you politics Is
getting lively.
Job. nsteni There's little Haley cry
ing. Get up. VIII you. and go in and
see what's the matter What. snoring.
1 believe you're only pretending Very
well, you brute, I'll go myself.