The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-06-30
DRIFTWOOD
nY PHIL H.\ARAGsTRoN0.

| 8x FELL h.\AH&oAHVNWs Of course Mark Twain's next book win be published on royalty"
 The chief summer complaint is heat. Baltimore Sun. Then you've never been a country boy and eaten green apples.
 The Houston Post says: They have some ragged. jagged poets over in Ala bama." This is a trife ambiguous. We haven't gotten down to rags as yet jagged" we don't know whether you refer to our absence of obesity or whether it has some allusion to state of partial inebriety. Respectfully re- ferred to our friend Paul Cook of The Birmingham Age Herald,
 If the President wants to attack anybody's literary style let him go af- ter the inventors of those Sea Serpent stories.
 What a funny thing to go on ones monument: He was a monumental liar" Thus would Orchard get his true epitaph. That chuckling sound you'll hear this winter is the laughter of England at Mark Twain's jokes he sprung on them the other day. IA.
 
 Roosevelt is the greatest continuous vaudeville show in the world and can be depended on every. time for novelty The wife with cold feet would be very acceptable this kind of weather. This is the time of year when the druggist the doctor, and the underta ker all smile and rub their hands, for the glorious Fourth is just ahead, but a a q Ui be when the little Willies blow up with patriotism and are planted.
 Old Homer says that if one has de- cent sboldnesss he will meet with friends A decent boldness," my my wasn't old Homie the giddy thing7 If King Eddie invited Mark out to a game of English baseball, he must have turned the tables on Mark in the way of jokes
 We kill shoats in winter, but unfor-. tunately the end-seat hog Is allowed to live in his glory all summer.
 Tuned to the Season. O to be off in a frozen lake On schooner of ice cold beer. Meath a mint julep tree Where drinks are free,~ And nobody else Is near. To bathe every morning in iced cham
 pagne,
 Or dive in an ocean of wine While a cream de-menthe fountain, Down a tall icy mountain, Trickles slowly from my head down Oh. to be piucking a Manhattan "cock- (The rarest of feathers I've seen.) o to be dashing and crashing and Where a Yukon of booze flows serene.
 
 Hoke Smith, who was yesterday in- augurated as Governor Of Georgia, Tn a ringing speeGh. said he, urged, the ton and the protection of dry commu- mites from the jug trade We would ask the esteemed BiIlville Banner if this is worrying her citizens any; however. we suppose not; not, as she may and night.
 Whats become of the old-fashioned man who used to use "blacking" on his see a box of the old time blacking any more.
 Roosevelt, it is said. will not sit still make a good picture of him; perhaps he would De a good subject. however, for the moving picture man.
 PltIsDurB IS ROlng to nave the Iall-i est building in the world Buildings must come as high there as chorus girls.
 Stung. A fool there was and he made his pray (Even as you and D To a Marcelle wave and baby stare, And bathing suit that was rare-so And his diamond ring he gave her Oh. Holsters grow in the seaside air But he was the lobster who did not (Even as you and I)
 Advertiser Shots.
 Between the hot air and the heated air summer is well nigh intolerable, r. Faint heart never won fair lady pr anything else to amount to much
 A woman doesn't have to be a rnagi- clan to make fool out of man.
 Some mems main pursuit in life is rushing the growler.
 silence is golden. they say. but very often it's only plated.
 About the only cup a man doesn't care about having running over is the cup o1s disappointment.
 It's wise father that knows his own son when he gets back from col lege.
 It just takes a pretty girl to hand you lemon greeefully'
 About the only way soae men can attract attention is to criticize relig- ion.'
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 Strange, but a girls shoe doesn't come untied half as much when she doesn't wear open-work stockings as when she does. s u.-A,,.e,4 ouautaovn