The Washington herald., 1907-03-24
THE SOCIAL CODE Iss14as s5 Fss

/ II e y u
SO many questions have come as to
what is good form in the giving Of pres
ents between engaged couples. and for
weddings, that The Arbiter has decided
TO slightly discuss the subject.
1t is a delicate matter, that Of the Civ
ing of presents by a young man 10 a
young woman. and the etiquette regard
ing 1t cannot be too closely considered.
a man who has mere acquaintance
with a young woman should not presume
to send her anything but flowers, bon
bOns, or an occasional book. He may be
very rich. and she may be very poor. and
il would be natural for him to feel that,
perhaps. something useful would be more
acceptable than mere Injuries; but I'M
less he intends TO marry the girl, he has
nc right TO put her under such 6bliga-
tiOns as the acceptance of valuable orna-
ments OF wearing apparel would do. Even
among engaged people it is the very worst
form for a man 10 endeavor TO add 20
wOmans wardrobe. The Arbiter once
knew a mulumillionaire in New York
who had been led TO feel by his satellites
that his money could buy anything,
Shortly before the time set for the we'd
ding, he went abroad TO order his own
tTousseau, when he purchased for his
bride, whose means were very limited, a
number Of handsome gowns and many
valuable jewels. Despite the modest cir
.cumstances of the family. the mother be-
longed 70 the ancient regime. and when
the boxes Of dresses were sent from the
.custOm-h0use IN New York TO her daugh-
ter, she was in a mild furry. and insisted
upon II that her child should not marry
Ia parvenue. who had so little appreciation
of what was due the woman he expected
TO make his wife. So bitter was she. and
so convincing. in stating that her daugh-
ters rich fiance made no distinction be-
tween mistress and wife that the en-
gagement was permanently broken, be
cause II this man chooses 10 insult my
daughter before marriage. and if he has
not the tact to know that he has insulted
her, what can she expect afteTward? %
The daughter subsequently married a
poor and struggling lawyer. and they
lived for some time on little or nothing a
year, but are very happy
For the bridal present the groom should
give as handsome a gift as his means viii
allow, not drawing on the future TO make
"splurge" az the time Of his marriage.
It is not necessary for the bride to give
the groom a gift, but this Is often done
and this gift is generally set of pearl
studs or a unique pin, some little souvenir
that recalls the early days OF their To-
nance. 1t has long been the custom for
the family and friends Of the bridegroom
20 give the bride personal jewelry, and
for her family and friends to give her sill
yer. The habit Of giving cut glass has
happily gone out, because in the last year
or so cut glass has been relegated TO the
upper shelves OF the pantry, and the silver
Of our grandmothers has been brought
out and now appears on festive tables
and adds very much TO their distinction
and beauty. II is no longer good form to
display the wedding presents to all the
guests, but the intimate friends of the
bride and groom are invited 10 a private
view Of them. Every present should, OF
course, be acknowledged by a personal
note. written as soon as possible after the
return of the bride from her honeymoon
The bride generally gives to her attend
ants some little gift-a pin or a ring
any little thing to be kept as a re-
membTance of the occasion; and the
groom, to his best man and ushers, a
scarfpin or something Of the sort.
Every one receiving an invitation to a
wedding. or announcement cards. SHOULD
at the earliest opportunity call on the
newly welded pair. 1t would be extremely
bad taste. however. for any one not so
remembered TO visit them. II one is in
vited only TO the church, It is not neces-
sary to acknowledge the Invitation, but #
one Is invited both to the church and the
house, 1t Is well TO say whether he will
be present at the house, as knowledge
of just how many TO expect makes a great
difference in providing for the guests. It
is not necessary to invite all those who
are asked to the church, to the house for
the wedding breakfast, which is often
confined TO the family and intimate
friends Of the young couple. but the old
fashioned custom of making the principal
feature of the wedding breakfast. an
enormous brides cake. is still in vogue
This is generally made at the confectfon-
ers. and is of rather gigantic form. some
times containing souvenirs But the old
fashioned custom of the bride cutting the
cake and distributing 1t among her guests
has gone out. and fancy boxes containing
wee slices OF the piece de resistance OF
the wedding feast are given 10 the guests
as they leave the house
Regrettably the throwing of rice, Of
old slippers, the festooning OF the we'd
ding carriage with bizarre ribbons and
flowers, and posting 1t. is still INDUCED
in, but cannot be too strongly con-
demned. This habit is so different from
the Angio-Saxon point OF view that it is
a wonder that q fashion more suitable
to she Fiji islanders should ever have
come about. Nothing too strong can be
said against it. Marriage is a sacred
thing, and should be so accepted, and no
one who aims TO lessen the holiness of
this contract should be encouraged. In
nocent fun IS pleasant, but the abuses
that have arisen from old traditions, are
to rehned and earnest people. most dis
tasteful. and from every point of view
inexcusable. Dignity should mark all the
obserTances OF a wedding Ii is pleasant
to SEE the bride and groom drive of in
q carriage be0ecked with White ribbons
and flowers, the eoaehman and footman
wearing white favors, but the bombarding
Of two innocent people with old shoes