The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-05-19
By FINLEY PETER dunno

man life, am f'r war, an maybe Mary Ellen
McGraw that's so struck on that fresh fellow in
milne two will see me whin march away an
know that nanny a thruc heart beats outside iv
til fire departmint.'
can so he tells TIL foreman what he thinks
" him an his family away back, an nanny a
man buys him drink an lie enlists an gets
into free clothes that he used to rent Fl dollar
firth Mardy Gras Ball at Finoocanes ball An
lie marches through tn sthrccts with tn banners
wavin' above him an maybe tn boss lookin' on
an savin': There goes wan iv me fellows. If
| didn't have SO NANNY inthrests at stake I'd
like to lead him. He'd follow me through HE'LL
an We bet lie wud too, an often visit that he'd
have chance some day. An lie comes to tn
dcepo where COW 'rds he nivcr knew shake him be
til hand, an his father an mother cry over him,
an sthrange ladies pass up to him baskets full
iv th' kind " food he nivcr saw befure EXCEPT
at surprise parties, an, be hivens, there standin'
on thruck is Mary Ellen McGraw.
She is thryin' to atthract his attintion, tax
in handkerchief out iv her mouth an wavin'
it an thin putin it in her mouth again till she
thinks she's caught his eye an thin wavn it
furyousy, an half giggin' an half cryin' all tn
time. He sees her, but he don't let on ontil he
can't stand it amy longer, an thin he gives her
surprised look an hollers out: Why, Miss
McGraw, hello there;' an whin th' whistle blows
an tn thrain pulls out he doffs his hat care
lessly as an old sojer shud, an Mary Ellen waves
her handkerchief SO far forward she falls off tn
thruclz an tells tn hayro " tn hose cart that
she will go home alone with her grief, thank ye,
an tn fire fighter goes back to tn injine house
an fairly throws away a game of domnos with
tn pipeman.
ss'Tis this thrajedy that Andrew has broken
up. An he's right. Ye look on this here young
fellow as hayro. Andrew an me look on him
as a deserter. That's what he is, too He's left
his proud position in TIL industhreel army. He's
abandoned his post He's quit Andrew. He
amt to blame I'll say this f'r Andrew, he
blames nobody. Ivrybody is all right. They are
dom tn best they can, poor things. He wud-
dent fight sojer. He wud cross tn sthreet rath
er thin have CONTROVERSY with wan iv thin
excellent but il-informed men, It is not tn
sojer but tn thing itsf he hates. War! An
AWFUL thing. Why not, if two nations quarrel
give wan iv thin an option on tn other? Thatd
fix it. Anything We can't do with an option
amt worth dom. So he wrote letter to all
tn other crowned heads in tn wurruld an asked
thin to sind dillygates to peace conference
Impror Willum replied Dear Andrew,
is it thrue that We have so much money? If so,
am glad to hear firm ye Me wan dhream in
tn w.urruld is peace. sind ye as representative
iv our highborn nation to help along our dhream
Frawlen Lulu Schmitz, who has charge " me
wife's, tn Impress " Germany, who may Gawd
defind in her title as I will with this sthrong
right arm " mine an tn blood " tn German
people, her collection " pressed flowers in an
album
eth Prsidint " France fr tn moment
wrote: Sheer Andrew, I embrace We. I have
selected f'r yeer conference an excellent man,
dear little fellow, Moosoo Finesherb, author "
that so-cheerful essay: TIL Cat; His Food. -
Tn King " England wrote: Dear Andy, p'raps
we will recall me as havn wanst passed night
in ye're house. niver knew what become iv
me tooth brush till heerd tn other day that
We had it hung in ye're parlor in a goold frame.
Niver mind returnin' it. I have another. AS
far as war is concerned, / agree with ye entirely
know to tn full its horrors, f'r have siventy-
eight UNIFORMS, an all " thin tight. hate tn
pomp an ceremony iv q belt. F'r me peace an
suspenders. / wish / cud sind sojer to we're
festive mcetin'. But they are all busy putin
down rebelyons " me loyal subjcks in VARIOUS