The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-03-24
MR. COOLEY ON MUSIC
By E. P. Dunne. 1|9 n N Sm

xhiSIl. MlF EIF izHszz slE zziHfs mn Is annyhow, Hinissy. I don't like pi- anny music, though I've heerd some " tn best players an all tn worst in me time. I've seen thim all firm young lady that made a score iv four out " q possible ninety-three to fellow that got down close to tn pianny an played 1t be winkfn' again tn keys Whtn he got through tn ladies in tn, au- jeence climbed on tn stage an kissed him. As I looked at tn ladies Mercy sthruggled with Justice, but as looked at tn fellow Justice triumphed. an I says to mesilf: It serves ye right. It serves ye both right.
 whats music anyhow, Id like to know Tn Chinynaan down tn sthreet whin he's sint tn last shirt home to tn wrong man can get lot iy fun settin around with his frinds on Saturuay night be hittin' gong with stick whin he thinks iv it. l can't keep me feet on tn ground whin blind Clancy is wheeIdin' tn Rocky rood out iv tn pipes an nawthin' but a four-fliven fire wud take me away firm 2 brass band Hogan, who's gr-reat fr all kinds, wanst took me to hear what ne caiieo tn higher music. There were sixty or siventy German playin' on different instruments. Some were scrapin an some were blowin an some were thumpin' an lady with harp pluck cd firm time to time on that conthrap- ton. A large man standin' up in front pinted at wan section or another with stick to tell thim whln to begin. He pint to tn fiddlers an they'd fiddle, ho'd glare at tn man with tn slide thrombone an he'd shoot out his fist yard; he'd nod to tn lady with tn harp an she'd pluck three times at tn sthrings an resume her nap; suddenly something made tn large man angry he got red in tn face an looked to be about to throw his club at a redheaded man in tn back row.
 I'd been watchin' this fellow f'r a long time. an I see he'd been sojerin'. 'Ye're caught now, me lad says |, An he was. Whin he see tn angry expression on tn bosss face he jumped up an bate upon a dhrum which is called a kettle dhrum. firm tn wurruds kettle an dhrum, ontil tn dhrum sticks bounced in tn air. At tn sound th' l other performers were aroused to mad ness, an stampeded. They got away firm tn leader. He eudden't do amy thing with thim. He ragged, he shook his fists at thIEn, he begged, he pleaded. he threatened first on wan side, thin tn other. Tn crazy Germans rayfused to cam down. They scraped, they pound eus tley 0aGWs no wan pdylu amy dt- tintion to annywan else. Tn sounds pumped each other like men thryin' to escape firm a burnin' buildIn', weak sounds were thrampled undher foot be burly notes firm tn slide thrombone.
 'Th' lady with tn harp reached over an bit tn sthrings I see with me own eyes tn red-headed man take a runnin' jump at his kettle dhrum. A desprit German climbed up in tn or A.xr ...u Al = -H- instruments were fnthraJooced as tn old wans were desthroyed. Wan man bate a wash biler with a monkey wrench; another rang a bell; some coughed; others whistled; a cannon was fred: 8 charge iv dinnymite ex- pleded an tn concert was over. As we come out into tn almost uncanny Hogan says: He's great composer, Richard Sthrauss.' Who did he iver composer says I.
 No, Sir whats wan mans music is another mans noise, There's on'y wan kind that we all like, an that's tn kind we make ourselves. Ye take me. Me frinds ar-re not unanimous in sayin' that have melodious voice Whin I attimpt to sing at 8 Christmas or weddin' Father Kelly always uses his old joke an asks me why I don't rent out some iv me flats. Yet me voice sounds agreeable to me. In tn bath room in tn mornin' I sing in a way that charms me. Me notes ar-re full an mellow an I wondher why 1t is no wan has been along to pay me five thousand dollars a night to war ble fr thim. If I cud dacintly invite tn wurruld to me bath room to hear me sing 'tis little thought they'd have iv sindin Ito lily fr their talent Such volume. such sweetness. such variety. such tenderness Think iv 1t! "A most brilliant an fas'n'ble aujeence gathered in tn bath room to hear Sig nor Dooley give his cihybrated rindi- tion iv Home Sweet Home Tn di- mon horse shoe blazed with jools.
 Among those prisint Was But I shudden't go on. P'raps 'tis just as well that there ain't enny audience. I injye 1t all tn more I'm like that there king I read about in tn pa-apers that used to have tn opry performed fir himsilf alone. Iris a gr-reat lux ury f'r me to set in me magnificent tub an listen to tn finest tenor in tn wurruld. I ain't always tenor, though. I have a gr-reat range. Sometimes sing bass an sometimes barytone, but I'm always good.
 An that's why, I suppose, ye see so nanny piannies around. If nobody else injyes thim, tn people that plays thim does. On'y like me singin' in me bath room they ought to perform in private"
 q feel kind iv sorry fr tn music teacher" said MT. Hennessy.
 Its hard life," said Mir. .Dooley
 But she must get a good deal iv sat isfaction out iv knowin that tn win dows ar-re open. Tn wan firm next dure always seems to cheer up whIn she sees me face afther tn lesson."