The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1907-04-02

~ afthrr W die an In difference is
what ye-ef soul weighs lies diNc"v-
cred that tn average weight = n soul
in New England is six ounces or 4 lit
tie less. FIRM this ne ar=ics that tn
conscience isn't part ~ tn soul. If u
was IN soul Nud be in tn heavyweight
class. fr tn. New England conscience
is no feather. lie thinks it don't es-
cape with tn soul. but lies burrid III
tn rooms ~ its old family home, til
liver.
It's 50 simple it must be true. am
if it amt true anyhow its simple
can't see any money in its as AN tnNtu-
can't sec amy money in il rs an invin-
ton. Who'll want 10 have his soul
weighed? Suppose yc'er time has
come. Tn family ar-rc busy with
their own thoughts, grievin' because
they hadn't been as good 10 Te rs they
might. because they Won't have We
With thin amy more, because it's too
late fr thin to square thimsilVeS.
pItNln' Sc because Ne'er not femalnin
to share their sorrows With thin. won
dhrin' whether tn black dresses thai
were bought in honor ~ what people
say # they didn't wear Thin in mimry
~ Aunt Eliza. wud be noticed if they
were worn again fr ye. TIL very
young mimbers ~ tn family arr
Inc around. thryin' to look as sad
as they think they ought To look. But
they can't keep il up: They nudge
each other, their eyes wandher around
LII GboIi. All IT III TIME To tInle tneN
glance over at Cousin Felix an expect
him to make a ~laugh'ble face. He's
a gr-reat frind iv theirs an they there
surprised he isn't gayer. Something
must've happened to him. Maybe he's
lost his job. There ar-re a great
NANNY noises in tn sthreet. TIL un-
dertaker whistles as he goes by. an
two iv tn ~neighbors ar-re at tn gate
sayin' what a fine man We were if
ye didn't dhrink, an askin' did we
leave much.
An little We care. Everything is
a millyon miles I'm we. FIR tn first
tune ye'er life We are alone. FIR tn,
hrSt time in Ne'er life We are ye'erse1f
Fr Hiven knows how many years ~
have been somebody else. we've been
Ee1er wife, ye'er family, ye'er rela-
ions, tn pOliseman on tn peat. t.
coctor. tn newspaper rayporther, til
foreman at tn mills, tn laws " tn
land, tn BARTENDER that gives ,e
drinks, tn tailor. tn barber, an
public opinion. TIL Wurruld has he'll
9 iookln' glass in front IL ye'er zee
frm tn day We We're born an con-
PEELED We to make faces in it. But il
this here particular business ne have
no wan to please but ye'er silf. GOOD
plnyon and bad opinyon are alike.
Yere akelly unthroubled by graft
chood an revenge. No man can help
We or stay yc. Ye'rc beyond tn SOUND
" tn alarm clock an tn facthory
whistle. an b%eginnin' tn Big Day OFF
Whin tn man iv Sciences shakes vc
be IN elbow an says: we've got %
weigh out. An he weigh an ng-
ures; wan hundred an forty-sivin
from wan hundred an fifty. Siven
frm naught can't be done: borry wan.
SiNen firm ten leaves three. ] ind
that tn soul iv our late lamintcl
frind weighed u light three pounds
aNirdoopoiSc.'
mo, sir: 'twon't do: 'tyilI never &c
Poplar. People wont have their
Wulruld have tn wurrud go through
N ward: Did ye hear about DOolcy-G
Sou1?' 40, what?' They had to ct
an EXPERT accountant to figure It's
weight, it was that puny.'
Dye SuppoS Dorgan, the mill
ycnaire. would consint to it, Whih
he entered tn race iv life he was
properly Handicapped with Il soul 70
OFFSET his ]avaricc an his ability to
that some " tn rest iv US wud haze
a kin " a show against him. Bat
as soon as he thinks no wan can see
hin he beings to get rid " his WEIGHT
an comes rompin' home miles ahead.
But tn judge says: Hold on. there
yell have 10 weight out. an q little
later u notice is posted up that Don
gan is disqualified fr ridin' undher-
weight in tn matthcr iv soul. on tn
other hand. there's little Miss Mad1i-
an, tn seamstress. She's all but
left at tn post: she's iostled all tn
way around an comes III lame, Il bad
last. Blu shes tn on'y wan iv tn lot
thats Kept tn weight. She weighs
nlncty-six poundS-six iv it bein' tea
an toast an ninety iv it soul An
amid exclamations iv rags firm Chan
celior Day, who has plunged heavily
on Dorgan in this Futurity. an cries
~ JOY IT IN 4 thousand Fathers KcllyS.
VINO have backed tn filly. her number
is hung cut.
NO, Sir, Whin it comes 10 goin' uD
TO n scales to have their souls weigh
cd people1l be as shy IS they arc in 4
Customs House. TIL people that wud
make tn invintion pay wud be tn last
70 want 70 be tested by it. tn pa
apcrs might keep records il tn re-
suits: Misthcr So-an' 81. tn gr-raat
captain ~ Finances. died Yesterday.
universally regretted. His estate
amount to nineteen miIlyon dollars.
There ARE two large requests To
charity. Wan is a thrust fund set
aside FIR his maiden sister A~nnvbcIIo
who will receive FIR life tn income on
eight hundred dollars in stock iv tn
Hackcfsack Meadows Conpn'y. The
otner IS fOrty-tWO dollars to buy !,
wooden leg IF his brother Isaacc. m
Abilene. KAN. it bein' understood thu.
no charge is to be made be tn estate
against tn brother FIR a set IL false
teeth bought fr him in tn year ninc-
teen four. TIL balance iv tn property
IS ieft ~ trust fr tn minor ~childhcr
until the- ARE 80 years old. III de-
ceased requested that his soul he
measured be troy weight. 1t tipped
IN beam at wan pennyWcight.'
Dye think tn soul can be weigh
ed?" asked Mr.. Hennessy. Il know
rs there. but | think kind iv feel
II don't hardly w
Il see what ye mean" said Mr..
Dooley. scales an clocks ARE not
to be thrusted to decide anything
that's worth deciding. Who tells time
be a clock IVry hoIr is tn same to
clcck an ivry hour is diff'rent to me.
Wan long. wan short. There ARE
hours in tn avenin' that pass between
TWO ticks ~ tn clock; there ARE
hours in tn arIy mornin' whin a man
can sleep that MethusaIah-s age cud
StFetch IN. Clocks ARE habichool
liars. an so ARE scales. As soon as
dhiiSih!iS gets good enough to weigh
we can weigh il. Scales ARE FIR TN
"lhef Fellow I'm perfectly wiiJin' to
axe ye er weight or ye'er souls weight
IT IN what tn scales say. Little