The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1907-01-18

LIS " A@AAAA.N-~s
At any other moment he might have
pondered over her manner of accept
ing them-the easy Indifference with
which she let him so. But vastly
keener issues were claiming his atten-
ton, issues whose results were wide
and black.
He left the theater and, refusing the
overtures of cabmen, set himself to
walk to Chilcote's house. His face
was hard and emotionless as he hur-
ried forward, but the chaos IN his mind
found expression in the uneyenness Of
his pace To a strong man the con-
fronting of difficulties is never alarm
ing and Is often fraught with inspira-
ton. but this applies essentially to the
difficulties evolved through the weak
ness, the folly or the force Of another;
when they arise from within the mat
ter is of another character. 1t is in
presence of his own soul, and in that
presence alone, that a man may truly
measure himself.
AS Loder walked onward, treading
the whole familiar length of traffic
time that he was standing before that
solemn tribunal-that the hour had
come when he must answer to himself
for himself The longer and deeper an
oblivion the more painful the awaken
ing. For months the song Of self had
beaten about his ears, deadening all
other sounds; now abruptly that song
&ofx or IN
geringly, but with a suddenness that
made the succeeding silence very ter
rible.
He walked onward, keeping his di-
rection unseeingly. He was passing
through the fire as surely as though
actual flames rose about his feet, and
whatever the result, whatever the fiber
of the man who emerged from the or
deal, the John Loder who had hewr
his way through the past weeks would
exist no more. The triumphant egotist
the strong man who by his OWL
strength had kept his eyes upon one
point, refusing to see in other direc
tons, had ceased to be.
Keen though 1t was. his realization
Of this crisis In his life had come witt
characteristic slowness. When LilliaI
Astrupp had given her dictum, wher
the music of the orchestra had ceased
and the curtain risen on the second &C
of the play, nothing but a sense Of
stupefaction had filled his mind. II
that moment the great song was 81
| fenced, not by any portentous episode
not by any incident that could have
| lent dignity to its end, but, with tn,
| full measure of life's irony, by a trivia
social commonplace. In the first sen
sation Of blank loss his faculties haC
| been numbed. In the quarter Of 81
hour that followed the rise Of the cur
tain he had sat staring at the stage
seeing nothing, hearing nothing, fllet
with the enormity Of the void that sud
denly surrounded him. Then from
habit. from constitutional tendency, b
had begun slowly and perseverance,.
to draw first one thread and then an
other from the tangle of his thoughts
to forge with doubt and difficulty tn
chain that was to draw him toward tn
| future.
1t was upon this same incomplete
and yet tenacious chain that his min
worked as he traversed the familia
streets and at last gained the house b
had so easily learned to call home.
AS he inserted the latchkey and fel
it move smoothly in the lock a momer
tary revolt against his own judgmen
his own censorship, swung him sharpl
toward reaction. But 1t is sonly th
blind who can walk without a tremo
on the edge of an abyss, and there We
no longer bandage across his eye
The reaction fared up like strip {
lighted paper; then, like strip
lighted paper, 1t dropped back to ashe
Ee pushed the door open and slow
crossed the hall
The mounting of staircase is ofte
the index to mans state Of mind. 4
Loder assembled the stairs of Chilcote
house his shoulders lacked their stif
ness, his head was no longer erect. 4
moved as though his feet were weigh
ed. He had ceased to be the man
achievement whose smallest opinie
compels consideration. In the privat
of solitude he was the mere human flo
sam to which he had once compare
himself-the flotsam that, dreaming
has found a harbor. wakes to find itse
the prey of the incoming tide.
He paused at the head Of the stairs
rally his resolutions. Then, still wal
Ing heavily, he passed down the corr
dor to Ewes room. 1t was suggesti'
of his character that, having made b
decision, he did not daily over its pc
Torrance. Without waiting to knoc
he turned the handle and walked In
the room.
It looked precisely as 1t always loo
! ed. but to Loder the rich, subdued C
oring of books and fiowers-the who
air of culture and repose that the pia
! conyeyed-seemed to hold deep
meaning than BEFORE and it was on
instant that his eyes, crossing the
animate objects, rested on their OVID