The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1907-08-11

Asas4NfkssN~t &aTAN N~~sFFs ssa-- ssrsA =
inch, 80 they can ho drawn with tho
teoth.
II you have lost horsc or cow
take one dose,
II you are yoln' to lose your farm !
on a mortgage, take two,
II the children arc down with tho !
measles, tho old woman In for appcn
dicltls and the roof OF tho barn has
fallen IN aud killed the cows, sip lib
erally--that is. sip until you tlnd your
self whstlln' "lankee Doodle" and
don't care darn whether school keeps
or not.
Only one failure recorded In twenty
years, and that was because the man
was born with only one lung and his
heart had worked around against his
spine,
In shown my moyln' pictures, which
do move. In the town OF Stop Here a
few evenings since put on washing
ton Crossing the Delaware" This Is
one OF my most takin' pictures, II is
so lifelike that you can see Washing
ton drinkin' elder out OF flask to
warm his cold feet. You can almost
hear him say, Don't give up the ship"
In shown that picture have had au.
dIences stand on their feet aud yell for
'ieven consecutive minutes, while wo-
men wept and babies howled OK.
pected 1t would make the usual hit on
this occasion. but, alas, II was recelv-
ed IN frozen silence. Not whoop nor
a cheer. tried to pound 1t into the
audience that Il was Washington
George Washington and that he was
crossing the Delaware the Delaware
river, full OF iioatln' ice~but the harder
pounded the more frozen the silence
I finally stopped talkin' to inquire II
American patriotism was dead, and
then pandemonium broke loose. The
town had just elected mayor by a
large majority. and he was 10 Jealous
because was givin' Washington
lead.
Tried 10 Explain Matters.
tried TO explain matters, but II was
no use. The enragcd population
swarmed for me and drove me from
the town In ignomy. and the destruc.
tlon wrought 10 my property was $50.
As drove through the darkness and
the pourln rain bent my head and
reposed my chin on my breast and
asked myself why he goodl Why seek
to solace my fellow martalsY Why
care Il tInker's dun whether mankind
was happy or miserableY | was feel
In that integrity was but holler
| reed 10 lean upon when she appeared
through the darkness aud changed the
whole programme that Is, caught
sight of the light In the house Of
pioneer. and upon knockln' at the door
he made me welcome. That night |
sat with him for two hours shown
him how TO avoid the cesspool OF po-
ker, and when departed In the morn.
In I was S62 richer and the pioneer
had twice that In experience.
At the town OF Happy Day next day
one Of the tintypes take for 10 cents
take did not please the fairy crea-
ture who posed for II. She thereupon
rallied all the other fairy creatures In
the town, and assisted by few men
who hadn't the interests OF their coun-
try at heart they descended upon me
In solid phalanx. Again suffered dis.
comfiture. l was mauled with club,
my fightin' dog kicked In the ribs and
my tent torn down, and as drove
out OF the town on gallop ! was al.
most determined to give up the pilgrim
business for berth In some legisla-
ture where could sell my vote to
both sides. Integrity came gallopin'
along Just in the nick OF tIme-that is,
I looked ahead and saw fat wallet
reposin' In the middle Of the road. In
another minute II was mine. There
was over hundred dollars In II, and
as integrity had departed before l
finished countin' the greenbacks and l
couldn't ask her advice counted the
money into my own hoard and went on
blessln' her name.
Vice Is full Of fried oysters and an.
gels food, and she sits behind plate
glass wlnders, but when you want a
100 to / shot try integrity She al
ways brings the good with her.
NJ. QUAD.