The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-12-28
f X 81 ,iaIlertrasll & bushes q ana d

!
Mr. Twain,s unfortunate experience.
as has been told before. resulted from
his connection with the Plasnion Com.
pany Of America. 1t appears that
Mark had once been afflicted with dys-
pepsia, an ailment that seriously
threatened his reputation as Ameri.
cas- principal funny man. He trlea
the rnie,Iy r:anuiactured by the bank.
rupt company, mad, It is TO be pre-
sap,ed, II fEede new man OF him.
In any event, flr. Twain YVES induced
10 invest $4,000 In the stock OF thu
conrerl,. s.t.w Re IL holding the bag.
1t must not be thought, however,
that DR.. Clemens Is unduly cast down
by the sad loss. He has lost much
money before in unwise business ven
lures, and the experience is no novel
one. He is still able to smile, even
to laughter which the people of the
world have reason to be thankful.
Loss of that ability would be, in my
opinion, greater public calamity than
II President Roosevelt should lose the
use OF his typewriter or William Jen.
nings Bryan sho ID become dumb.
Dr., Clemens has emassed much
money in his long literary career =
! lust how much Is not known
! he telt-so that the loss OF $50, 900 viii
not bring him to want or penury. He
owns large blocks Of stock In Sc .cral
manufacturing and publishing nous
81. His connection with one Of The
latter recalls story. which, although
it has been published before. is wort,
repeating.
Recently he entered TIE sale, L.,
partment OF the book concern in ques-
ton, and found volume which he de-
sired to own. Calling a clerk, he in
CURED the price.
-Four dollars" replied the clerk.
WELL said Mr.. Twain, Il am a
newspaper man. Don't I get dis
count on that account?r
Sure" said the clerk, who began
figuring on pad OF paper.
ALSO, am magazine writer. Do
l get anything of for that?'
Certainly responded the oblIging
clerk.
a am also au author of hooks.
Don't | get the authors discount"
The clerk agreed that he did.
''ln addition, am n stockholler in
this concern. That entities me to
something of. don't liz"
Yes, SIR" gasped the staggered
clerk.
Now, in conclusion. would have
you know that am Mark Twain. 1
get a rakeofr on that. don't II"
The clerk considered. but finally adj.
mitted that he did.
Nov. how much do owe your"
asked Twain.
The clerk figured industriously for
n few minutes.
Eve owe You IS cents. SIR" said the
clerk.
100000 Water Bill.
( Folk who kick on their water bills
should dig up gracefully. and be
thankful that they are not in the po-
sitioR OF the ProPrietors OF a certain
big New York hotel. who were recent
ly presented with bill for water ag.
aggregating the modest sum OF $780,.
| 900. The honifaces are satirically
hopeful that the city will be able to
collect its little bill. but they appear
to be doubtful as to their willingness
to hand over the amount demanded.
Tho city officials declare that II the
bill isn't paid somebody will be arrest.
ed Tor larceny. They declare that the
water was stolen and that the theft
has continued for a period Of forty
seven years.
The hotel In question has been pay,
ing $1,000 year for its water. 1t Is
n large hosiery, and. however little
of the liquid may be used by the
guests as beverage. the bill appear.
I ed to be remarkably small. The city
water register recently began an in.