davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.

A man is a miser: a woman is a mys-
terry.
The richer a mans food the poorer
his appetite.
The iceman's bill is the blow thai
cracks the joke.
Feathered bipeds of similar plumage
congregate gregariously.
What a woman says goes-when she
talks into telephone receiver:
No man is capable of ruling others
who is unable to rule himself
Unfortunately the chronic bore never
leaves a hole in his victims memory.
The only objection the average man
has to hard money is that it is hard
to get.
If some fools We're to remain silent
they might acquire regulations for wis
DOM
The man who left the door open on
a cold day may be gone, but he isn't
forgotten.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05
JUST A SATIRE.

'The Sultan of Sulu," the book and
lyrics of which are from the pen of
George AIDE and the music by Alfred
G. Wathall, is, according to the ia
nous author of Fables in Slang
neither light or comic opera, nor a
musical or farcical comedy, nor bur-
lesque or extravaganza, but merely d
musical satire, which contains the
good features of all. This brilliant
musical opera broke all records for
receipts at Wallack's theater, New
York, where it was the attraction for
six months. 1t has also received the
endorsement of Chicago, Boston, Phil
adelphia, St. Louis, Washington and
other theater patrons. THE Sultan OF
Sulu," with its array of coincidence
singers, exquisitely dressed and per.
fectly drilled choruses, and artistic
triumpsh of scenic art, has been Sc
cured for Sunday and Monday, Jan.
CT.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05

edy, The Heir to the Hoorah," has
special interest for many people who
will remember Mr.. Armstrong as the
sprightly sporting writer. who erst-
while entertained his readers with pic
turesque accounts of pugilistic encoun-
tiers over the signature of Right
Cross" Mr.. Armstrong is said by New
York critics who are familiar with his
personality to have come pretty close
to duplicating himself in the charac-
ter of Bud Young. the husky and en-
phatic partner of Joe and Dacy Lacy
Of '"The Hoorah" mine. One of Arm
strong's favorite metaphors, familiar to
all his acquaintance, he had put in
the mouth of Bud Young in Act II OF
the comedy.
Meeting for the first time Miss Madge
Casey, Mr.. Young is overcome with her
manifest charms, and tells her so in
these words: Say, you've got the
rest of them beat the length of the
Santa Fee trail''
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05

was broken and two prisoners escaped.
In the meantime Tyacke returned
from Spokane with his man and the
watch, and the judge is waiting the
capture of Tilden before the case can
be proceeded with. The Jail is such a
fiimsy affair that it is an easy matter
for prisoners to escape if they have
friends on the outside to assist them.
1t is time for the county commission
ers to act in this matter-give US a
new building with a couple of steel
cells. At present it is almost crime
to place prisoners in the calaboose
There is not blanket in the place and
it is inhuman, to say the least to put
a man in such a shack with no posi-
BILE chance for warmth or comfort. One
of these days an innocent man will be
placed there and damages he will col
lect from the county would more than
pay for the erection of comfortable
quarters.
No blame whatever attaches to Of
ficer Byrnes, but it rests with his su-
Gateway.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05

them, it was discovered, were more than
80 years old. Under the new, "active
young men" regulations of the depart
ment, any one who is more than 80
is in the has been" class.
How old are you?" Commissioner
Wenter asked William r. Alexander,
colOred,
Thirty" answered the would be pO-
liceman, twisting his hat in his hands.
According to this record" said the
commissioner, referring to previous
application, you were "a a year ago."
WELL" answered Alexander, hesitat-
ingly, Il heard you have to be 80 now"
john Murrane, who had made afi-
davit that he was 20 years old, turned
out to be AZ.
]. H. McNuita, is 80 years old, it was
discovered, and John Gerity, another
was naturalized Is years ago.
Others were older than the limit speci-
fed by the commission. Birth certifi-
Gates baptismal records, and reistra-
ton lists were consulted in an effort
to establish the ages of the candidates
Those who were able to show that they
were within the age limit will be per-
mitted to take the mental examination
next Friday. All had passed the physi-
cal examination.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05
Wall FOR 4 JAIL.
is Much Shocked at Condition
Of Her CaIaboose.

State of Washington VS.. c. Tilden,
was the title of an action in the justice
court last Friday. Tilden was charged
with the larceny of a watch valued at
$40 from John Stafford. The evidence
adduced brought out the fact that
Tilden had stolen the watch and then
sold it to a young man named Busch,
who had left for Spokane. A subponae
was issued for Busch, placed in the
hands of John Tyacke and the case adj
journed till Monday morning. Tilden
was remanded to Jail, but, despite the
fact that Officer Byrnes watched the
place until o'clock Saturday morning
and had placed therein man found
tampering with the Jail lock, the lock
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05
TRAIN SCHEDULE IS CHANGED
Pendleton Passenger to Be Oiscontin'
ued Tomorrow Arrival Time OF
Train No. Altered.

Local o. r. & N. officials have re-
ceivei notice of the change in time of
trains which will effect the schedules
of trains running in and out Of Walla
Walla.
Beginning tomorrow morning. the
Pendleton passenger will be discontin-
ued and trains No. Al and AZ will care
for the traffic, leaving this city at 10
a. m. and returning, arrive in the city
at $3.50 p. m.
Train No. Z, the passenger running
between Spokane and Pendleton, will
arrive at 1855 p. m. instead Of 3:15 p
m as at present. The time of the
passenger now arriving in this city
at 1905 will not be changed.
The Dayton train will leave the city
at a. m. and returning, will arrive
at o'clock in the afternoon. There
is no change in the time of the Wal
lula Walla Walla passenger.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05

There were papa. sock. and twenty pair. Of
lengthy wifely hose:
There were sock. for Eddie, Willie, for EEphales
and Nose;
There were stocking, Of Matilda. Esmeralda',
and Susanne's;
There were Charley. hose and Mollys. Cora
Bellies and little Dams.
Amaylln. George. Alphoo.o. Peter. Joseph
Maud. Eugene.
Arthur. Lizzie. James. Amelia. Mary. Frances
and Irene.
Bryce. Reed. Lucille. Corinda. Apethus., John,
Esselle,
Matte. Luc;fer. Ehida-from his lips their titles
fell.
But about the shelf there d.nsled other hose
whose owners names
He could not recall to save him as he watched
the dying flames
Sevea pairs. all baby sizes. each in age not quite
year.
Gel cned Nick. Been something doing since
the last time wa. hereI
Glad brought a stock Of rsttIes and 10, Of
teeshing nngs-
Utah always give. market for such kindergarten
things.
From race suicide she ever has discreetly held
aloof,
And there. not home in Zion free from s.ork
track. on the roof
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05

Adirondack Mountains in winter" and
The thrilling railroad scene" are
some of the scenic effects that are to
be seen in this big production. The
play as staged by Mr.. Anderson and
the supporting company is of that high
excellence always seen in productions
given by this we'll known and pop
ular manager. Every piece of seen
cry that is carried for this great play
will positively be used. The engage
ment is for one night only and will be
at the Keylor Grand January 9.
airy TO-
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05

Prominent in the Christmas reveIs;
and, with the holly, most essentially
"Christmasy" of all the plants used
was the mistletoe. With us the old
significance and sacredness have gone,
leaving but charm enough to give the
well known privilege to the man who
meets a girl beneath it. There exists
also in some places the tradition that
the girl who is not kissed under the
mistletoe will not be married for
year. (The present writer ONCE knew
thoughtful and prOvident damsel who
wore a hat trimmed with the sacred
plant) But the kiss permitted in old
en- time was originally Of the religious
variety. our mistletoe celebration be-
ing borrowed from Scandinavian lore.
Critic
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05
A THREATENED ACTION.

Because l robbed him Of his heart hSo
suing for my hand:
He vows for peace Of mind naught can
requite him
Except my giving up my name. He's
firm in his demand
And says with law I'm powerless to
fight him.
But, since he holds me tight each night
to kiss me at the gate,
I'm very sure that nothing could be
palmer
Than that l have, II I should choose.
good grounds to instigate
A counter suit for forcible detaineV.
Roy Farrell Greene in New York PreaA
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05
ADJUSTMENTS
1.-THE MIDNIGHT FLYER"

Rarely has a dramatic event excited
been shown in Ed Anderson's big seem
ic production, "The Midnight Flyer"
Seldom, if ever, mas a stage offering
received such superlative praise from
the newspapers press and such atten-
ton from ecclesiastic publications. Not
only have all classes of regular thea
ter goers been attracted by ''The Mid
night Flyer" but all other circles have
patronized and endorsed it. 1.-The
grand Illuminated scene" 1.-The Mann
moth Ship scene,' 1.-The Storm at
Sea- 1.-The Realistic Shipwreck," 1.-THE
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05
FOR CHEAP CAR FARES.
Tom johnson Said to be Planning With
Missourians to Construct System.

MILWAUKEE, Jan. 5.-A new street
railway may be built in Milwaukee to
Though no definite plans have been
made, it is stated that Mayor Tom
Johnson of Cleveland, Judge K. O..
Busch of the St.-Louis Street Car COM
pany, and Joseph Helm, wealthy
brewer of Kansas City, are negotiating
for the building of a Scent fare sys-
TEN. Several hundred thousand dol
lars worth of stock, it is said, is ready
for investment. The plan is to offer
stock in the company to the people of
or placed by Johnson, Busch and Helm.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05
Said Little SOcratea.

Some generous person." said little
Socrates Bulginbrow Of Boston, "has
been kind enough to send me copy
Of Mother Goose's lyrics for Christ
mas. Do you know, the theory that q
representative Of the bovine genus at
one time leaped over the chief lumi-
nary Of the night leads to some inter
esting calculations as to the muscular
development of the COWS Of that time.
l have ascertained that they must have
been endowed with strength proper
tionate to that of the flea Of the pres
ent day."-Baltimore American.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05
Time to BE It.

There was to be a circus In town
next day. and Robert wished to 60 q
see it unload, so he sought to obtain
his fathers consent The first cues.
ton his father put to him on being
approached was, Have you asked
your mOtherr'
Eyes, sir" was Roberts prompt 70
ply.
What did she say?" the father Dur
sued.
"She said couldn't co. was tha
frank rejoinder.
What do you mean, Robert, by COM
ing to ne to ask to do a thing after
your mother has told you you could
not do tt?''
well papa" the little fellow OBJ
served, Il heard you say last week
that you're the boss of this ranch. and
l thought it was about time for you
to assert yourself."-Judge.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05
PURDY'S MISSION.

The New York Sun has been search
ing the revised statutes of the Unit
ed States and the articles of war to
determine by what construction of his
official duties Mr. Purdy is sent to
Texas to investigate the case of the
Twenty-fifth regiment. The statutes
are quoted to show that Mr.. Purdy as
the assistant to the attorney general
of the United States may properly be
called upon to give advice upon legal
questions to the secretary OF war anu
the secretary of the navy. In the alb
sence of the attorney general the find
ings of his assistant are taken as II
made by the attorney general himself.
The Sun contends, however, that the
question which Mr.. Purdy is expected
to answer will not call for legal advice
to the secretary of war or the secre-
tary of the navy, nor, it contends, can
the question submitted to Mr.. Purdy
|
soldiers accused of refusing to give
information about the riot, while the
sixty-second article of war specifically
provides that officers and soldiers
guilty of crimes or offenses prejudfcial
to good order and military discipline
shall be laid before a cOurt-martial
and punished at the discretion Of such
court. Mr.. Purdy is not to hold court
martial. and if the complaint be muir
der or any offense against the person
or property of any citizen, the accused
shall be delivered to the civil magis-
trate.
By this argument the Sun seeks to
convict the president of methods OF
autocratic and irresponsible personal
! government in sending an ofilcer OF
the department of justice on an errand
of this kind. 1t contends that 1t has
| been done without warrant Of law.
1t may be that the dispatching OF
Mr.. Purdy to Texas is irregular in
some articulars-among others, in
his withdrawal from his regular du
ties and also in the employment OF
an officer of the judicial department
to couect and classify and present evi
dence in support of official action al
ready taken. says the Minneapolis
Journal On these technical grounds
the Sun proceeds to discredit Mr.. Pur
dy's errand and effort. AS for any eff
feet criticism of this kind may have
upon the presidents conduct, II Is not
worth while to expect much. Mr.
Roosevelt has never been known te
regard presidents or technicalities as
insurmountable, and MS dispatchins
Of Purdy to Brownsville shows that he
Is determined to be thoroughly pre-
pared for trouble.
The evidence secured by Purdy Il
confidential and will be presented tt
the president and not to the public
It is morally certain, however, thai
Mr.. Roosevelt will not keep the fact;
to himself, no matter what they ma!
disclose. With the probability the
they will sustain the president, II II
safe to say that Mr.. Roosevelt is 60
ing to be thoroughly prepared for ex
pected assault in connection with thu
Brownsville affair, and that when thu
engagement begins in the senate HI
can be relied upon to furnish just al
vigorous defense as the occasion re
quires The spelling book is the Onl.
thing that has licked the presiden
vet. and in that encounter he didn'
have a fair show.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05
CAPITALIST Promoted.
Dayton COurier-Press.

Day
Mr.. r. G. Sanderson, capitalist re-
Gently from the east. has been in
stalled as manager at the Weinhard
saloon, in this city. Mr.. SandersOn is
q liberal, whole-souled gentleman who
will make a success of his new ven
ture. He is not stranger to the bust;
ness either
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05
Just Like Job.

II notice." said the visitor, that
your sign reads, Job. Printing What
IL the comma in there fOr"'
my dear SIR" replied the country
editor, that is a delicate way Of con-
veying the Information that we're run
ming this business as Job might have
run it. We have wonderful patience
and arance."-Catholic Standard
and Times.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05
Santa Claus an. We'd.
In Salt Lake
Where the Good Saint Got
the Surprise of
His Life.

ITO thrifty Norman household came ,hs
patron saint Of YuIe;
He was putting Ike an engine. he wa.
l.den Ike mule,
For he knew a row Of aocknss such % nowhe,.
else Is seen
Would be yawnine these besose him in he home,
Of Elder Cseea.
So be showed his psek ahesd q him and sa.,ed
down he Que,
While he nunered. III. is sonesAias IL, ]
hsAe lie smoks 10 d."
Then he followed with reluctance shrouGA he
Smoosy. snsd6 II.
Quickly landing whe'e he Hosiery w.s hung u
many . pan
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05

Much to the Satisfaction c. the
bridge is indulging in one of it's semi
monthly shivers-and it is gleefully de-
scribed as "tottering.". If it wasn't
for that bridge the Spokesman Review
would be compelled to fill up on boiler
plate on the fourth of every month.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05

Head Of Firm-You had better give
the ONCE boy a couple Of dollars MI
Penwiper, for Christmas: r.
Mr. Penwiper tthe bookkeeper,-l
think we had better make ~,
Years gift, sir. l have Just SEM mm
out with 4 telegram, and l don't tn~A
be will get back by Christmas.-brooA
lyn Citizen,
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05

Oars jes' dis about it," said Nam
my Minerva. 'I's gotter ham dat Pick
aninny Jim over to de Society Fob DC
Prevention O. Cruelty to Animals.
whats he been doin'"
I'VE give him q goat fob Cnr'st-
mas present, an Jim an de goat eot
to playin' rough, an de fus' thing
knowed Jim he done los DIS tempei
an butted dat goat almos' to der?
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05

A most admirable spirit was evinced
Yesterday when one of those witnesses
in the Gus Harras case declared that
no union man would slaughter a calf
without orders. Such tenderness
brings deserved support to the butch
erS' union
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05
HelDful SuR1estiOn.

I'm looking for that new novel"
said the customer Il can't think of
the name Of it, but it's all about war
and
Here's one, ma'am." said the new
clerk in the bookstore, that's called
When a Mans Married. Maybe that's
it"-Catholic Standard and Times.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05

The superiority of Walla Walla's
streetcar system over the two big aye
tens in Spokane is evidenced by the
fact that snow cannot stop the WAlla
Walla cars-as they did the Spokane
trains yesterday. No charge for this
Mr.. Allen.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05

In answer to persons who may be
thinking of asking him the question,
Mr. Bryan wishes to say that he Will
not accept the presidential nominal
ton in 1908, unless it is offered to him.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05

Miss Wise-Yes, the new play II
quite successful. By the way, my
friend Miss Padden made considera-
bic money ont Of It
Miss Ascum-Oh, did she write it?
Miss Wise-Write it? oh, no; she's
the modiste who made all the gowns
for the leading lady! = Philadelphis
Press
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05

The management of the skating rink
has again rescnded the order barring
floor. This avoids the necessity Of
Col. Goodwin bringing MS regiment to
the city and confiscating the skates
and skatereSseS.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05
Right You Are.
CO1fax Gazette.

Walla Walla is in high glee over
the installing of street cars in that
city. And she has a right to be. Walla
Walla is one of the growing cities OF
the northwest
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05

A colonel who bluntly declares: I'm
NO better than a private" is the sort
of a commander whose men love him
to the point of going in, no matter
where he sends them.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05

Now that soldiers in uniform may
skate on the hitherto exclusive floor
of the skating rink, most of the troop
ers will probably decide to save their
money for extra Chow and the mess
fund.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05
No Time Lost.
detroit Journal.

No doubt Miner Hicks, Immediately
upon his rescue, was rushed from the
mine In which he mad been entOmbed
for fifteen days to begin rehearsal at
once for the play which Dramatists
Clyde Fitch and Lincoln ]. Carter had
been working upon since the second
day of mis- interment.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05
The sold" Guard.

General Kitchener is reported "en-
gagged" again, and again the report
is denied. It's no use; we shall
have to put the original Florodora
sextet" on a war footing and get after
him.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05
And the Shooting Will Begin.
Chicago Chronicle.

SHlCdSO I'LL
Texas is distressed. For eight years
one of it's congressman fought against
the full dress" suit, but at last mas
fallen a victim to the cutaway, the low
waistcoat and the patent feathers. Now
1t only remains for the congressman to
take his drink through a straw, when
Texas cup of sorrow will slOp over.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05

Just the same, Mr.. Roosevelt and any
other man would make two excelleht
United States senators from New York.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05

Thanks, Mr.. and Miss Painter. We
will now proceed to get our skates on:
Mitchell, Butler, Schubert, Mulligan.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05
THE HEIR TO HooRAh."

The announcement Of the premiere
production at the Keylor Grand jan
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05

CHICAGO, Jan. 5.-FOrty-nine can
didates for policemen, suspected of tell
through an examination yesterday by
the civil service commission. Many of
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05
Refer it to Tom Upton.

There is a GOODNESS between Lady
Durand, wife of the British ambassa-
dor, and Mrs. Roosevelt because the
former doesn't like the latter's tea.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05
Press Comments

Sort of Jap-O.Lantern.
New York Herald.
California insists that tine light OF
Asia" is really dark lantern.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05

Now Mr. Weather Man please pass
the chinook up to some other village.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05
This Is No Taft Boom.
St. Louis Republic.

Senator Foraker would like to see the
country getting back to ONO In choos-
ing it's presidents.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05
And Even Diplomacy.

New York Commercial.
Yes. Mr.. Carnegie. you are right; an
income tax does breed liars. But then
so do fishing and municipal govern
ment
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05

And They Do Not Count.
Chicago Tribune.
In behalf of the packers it ought to
be said that nobody except the consum-
ers is insisting on having the date on
the can.
The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-05
STATE AGES FALSELY.

Chicago Candidates for Policemen
Caught Telling Fibs.