davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28
EARLY RISING is CONDEMNED.
A Habit Which May Severely Tax the
Vital Powers.

There is no adequate support for
the impression that the early morning
hours are in any way more wholesome
or healthy than later periods of the
day. Except In summer time they
are apt to be damp, foggy, chilly and
among the least desirable hours OF
daylight. 1t is quite true that during
the summer there Is q sense Of exhil.
aration about being abroad in these
early morning hours, but this evapo-
rates with the dew and Is apt to be
succeeded by a corresponding depres-
sion and loss Of working power later
In the day. I have been observing my
friends and patients for the past 20
years In this respect, and am inclined
to the opinion that not a little Of the
depression and nervousness which
commonly develop In hot weather Is
due to excessive exposure to light,
from habits Of early rising, inherited
from agricultural ancestors, not coun.
teracted by three to four hours rest
In darkened rooms in the middle of
the day.
Secondly, that the exhilaration OK.
perienced during the early morning
hours is an expensive luxury which
has to be paid for later in the day.
In fact, l have found that as a general
rule, to put 1t very roughly, the busi.
ness or professional man who rises
an hour before 1880 or s, goes to
bed, or loses his working power.
an hour and a half earlier In the
evening. Each individual has in
the beginning of his day about SO
much working power stored up in his
brain and muscle cells. II he uses
this up with great rapidly in the
early morning hours he naturally ex.
hausts his stock the sooner in the
afternoon.
1t is largely a matter Of when a
man wishes to be at his best. II his
occupation is Of such a character that
he can clear on the brunt Of his
work In the early morning hours, then
let him rise early. II on the other
hand he requires full vigor and readi.
ness OF mind and body in the latter
part OF the day, or at night, then
he must rise later to get 1t. Even
In pure muscle work It 10 false econ
omy to work too long hours.-Amer.
lean Magazine.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28

assistant to carry twas loon exhaust
ed. In her sudden thirst for new
knowledge, China finds herself pur-
chasing by the myriad the books pre-
pared by missionaries.
Making Shoes Out Of Bibles.
In the lavish free distribution Of all
this literature, 1t is inevitable that
abuses arise; from several widely.sep-
arated missionaries l have heard the
complaint that portions Of the Bible
are being used to make soles for Chi.
ese shoes, since they can be pur.
chased more cheaply than common pa
per. The donors to the Bible So
cieties eve intended to help Chinese
soles after this fashion. l am assured
by the agent Of the American Bible
society for China that, speaking only
for his own society. this abuse has
never been charged against any Of his
more than 100 colporteurs, who are
not paid by commission, which is the
root Of the evil. Less than one per
cent. Of the total annual circulation of
more than half a million copies is Civ.
en- away; the cheapest New Tesla
ments and gospel portions, on native
paper. are sold at one-third the cost
of manufacture. Whatever evils exist
In connection with the distribution OF
the Bible in China will probably be
corrected In connection with the forth.
coming Robert Morrison centennial In
Shanghai.
The great gathering, converting
April 25.May s. which is the event to
which all missionary eyes are turned,
| promises to be a memorable milestone
in Missionary history. Committees OF
experts have been at work for IL
months preparing deiiverances upon
all the big problems of Chinese mis-.
sions. At this time the three com
mittees which have been at work up.
on the new translations Of the Bible,
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28

Shanghai, China.-Whoever gets a
square look at the real China knows
that he has seen the theater and
actors of great events that are immi-
nent and impending. The Importance.
the ~far-reaching influence and the
amazing rapidity OF the transforma.
tion now taking place in this country
will be learned with surprise one day
by the big, uncaring world outside. In
the meantime, 1t is the office Of the
present investigator to show how
Christian missions have become in
wrought into every phase of Chinese
life, as a shaping influence.
Next to the relation between edu.
cation and missions must be men
toned medical missions, that supreme
proof Of the altruism of the west with
respect to the east. Here again the
magnitude Of the material altogether
precludes anything like a systematic
presentation Of the subject, for medi.
cal missions are found in every part
OF China, from port cities to remote
interior towns. placing the healing
arts Of the west at the service of the
suffering east, and thus winning the
confidence, respect and admiration Of
the natives.
The PrIestess' Severed Hand.
An interesting story Of contrasts is
told In connection with the new
American Baptist hospital at Hanyang.
Where the imposing modern structure
If urap ufnna any rtaA. A,N,tl- A.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28
OH Well Pays Preachers Salary.

A few years ago Rev. George Wood
Anderson organized the Epworth Epis.
copal church, and later secured sum.
cient funds to erect a modern stone
structure. Knowing there was oil
about Lima, he conceived the idea OF
boring a well In the church's back lot.
A subscription paper was passed,
$1,000 was pledged to make up losses
II they came, and Rev. MI. Anderson
started his oil well. 1t proved a
small type gusher, and ever since the
oil we'll, operated daily by a gas en-
CINE, which also operates the church
heating and lighting plant, has been
pouring out sufficient crude oil to not
only pay the minister's salary and all
other church expenses, but to make
up a bank account big enough to build
the church owe agaih.-Lima Cor.
Columbus Dispatch.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28
HOPE ON.

When clouds are low and nights ara
black,
And %starlcss grows the weary track,
Hope on for some day skies OF blue
VIII bend aud light the way for you.
When old the world and gray the day,
And weary grow the toilsome way.
Hope on, hold fast, In YOU despair,
Fol skies will some day blossom fair.
Hope on, and build your castles strong
Have faith. although the o be long.
The sun will soon come drifting through
And blue skies light the n for YOU
Milwaukee Sentinel.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28
The Crucial Test.

Maine Lawyer-What is your opin,
ion of the character of Deacon Blank?
Witness (cautiously)-I never heard
nothin' agin' him.
Don't you know him to be an hon.
est mani"
WAL, he's been fair an square In
all hts dealln's with me, and with 9th,
ers SO far as | know"
Isn't that sufficient to prove him a
man of sterling integrity"
WAL, / dunno. l never traded
bosses with Hmm. Y. Weekly.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28
PIOUS HOPE.

hard cases. the old man has. But it's
about over. The ole devil is after him
hard an fas'. the ole devil Is. an by
n by he'll get him. But he won't keep
him long, the ole devilT%on't. BY n
by he'll be glad to fetch the ole man
back"
Well spoke up Bill Petit, his
fiercest foe. "all ! hope Is when he
does he'll forget where he found you"
IN. Y. World.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28

Forty years g the wickedest per-
son in Am county, Ohio, was Old
Man Ellison, a well.to.do farmer. Not
until he approached three-score and
ten did he mellow down. and then but
q little. Once when attending a rails
ing he s~oliloquized thus on his own
d~ecadence;
1.-THE ole mans been putty tuf.
boys. He's rassled with some mighty
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28
Sudden BacksIidInq.

Fond Mamma-You have always
been a good boy at school, but | hear
that to-day you were so bad that the
teacher kept you in at recess.
Little Boy-No use bein' good to-
day, cause my new shoes was so tight
| couldn't play II 1 went out.-N. Y.
Weekly.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28
CONTRAST.

A little bit o. sunshine,
A little bit o. song
Makes dis worl' seem brighter
As you's travelin' along;
But de sunshine gifts to scorchin',
An you wlsht 1t wouldn' climb,
An you gifts tired o. listenln'
To de music all de time.
A little cloudy weather
An a tear-drop now an den.
Dey makes you feel jes' like you was
De lonesomest of men.
But de LIQUIDS can't last forever;
Sun Is boun' to shine again.
An 1t comes out all de brighter,
Cause yours had a little rain.
Washington Star.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28
Too Late.

Marshall P. Wilder, the noted hui
morist, told a suffering story at q
dinner in Chicago.
II hate suffering stories as q rule"
he said, "but this one Ia rather good.
1t is about two b~lacksmiths, both slut.
terers. The first snatched up q red.
hot lump Of iron from the forge,
rushed with It to the anvil, and then
began this conversation:
"'N-n.now th-th.then, st-strike!
Qu-Quickly!'
"'W-w-where shall I s-strikef
"'J-tjust at the end. H-h.hurry up
"'Th-th.this end?'
"'Yes, OF c%-c-course. Mind you hit
s-s-straight.'
"'All r.rright. N-n-now! Shall I
ll-let her g-g-go?'
"'N-n-you fool. the irons
c-c-old.'"
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28
Ego.

ego.
Jones-What is Newlywed Bigghedd
looking 80 glum about?
Smith-Why, the gypsy fortune
teller just told his wife that she would
have two husbands. and that the sec.
ond N would be a very fine sort OF
a man,
Jones-Ha ha! And Bigghedd thinks
that is a reflection on him, | sup
pose?
Smith-Oh, no! He thinks his wife
must have been married before, and
never told him.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28
The Commemorative Man.

He m not In company, because
he would not be solitary, but finds
discourse enough with himself; and
his own thoughts are his excellent
playfellows. He looks not upon a
thing as a yawning stranger at novel.
ties. but his search is nor uiys-
FERROUS and inward, and he spells
Heaven out of earth. He knits his OBJ
servations together and makes a lad
der of them all to climb to God.-John
Earle.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28
Not Superstltious.

Are you superstitious?"
mot a bit" answered the man who
is ashamed of his little weaknesses.
81 have nothing to do with super.
stition. In fact, l have observed that
whenever I begin to take notice of
signs | always have bad luck."--Wash.
iHgton Star.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28
Reminding tne Burglar.

Jones was a very courageous man,
and when. n stormy night, he heard
mysterious noises In his house at
Ryader, he took a revolver and de-
cided thoroughly to explore the place.
On reaching the hall the light from
his candle disclosed to view a typical
Bill Sykes. laden with a bulging sack,
and Just on the point of letting him.
self out.
'Hallo!" cried Jones. Come back,
you"
What's that?" said the burglar.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28
Australian Wool Exports.

Australasian wool exports this sea.
son will reach 100000 bales, an In.
crease of 100000 bales over last sea.
son, and breaking all records, At
SIS a bale this means SIS, 900, 900 cash
for Australasia, shipments to the
United States will total 100, 900 bales,
a gain OF 0 LOCO bales over last year.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28

Myer Cat lawn fete)-Excuse me,
oyer, but have something for your
private ear.
Gyer-Forget 1t, old man. Otherwise
we may be arrested.
Myer-Why, what do you mean?
Gyer-There's a law against pri.
watering, you know.-Chicago News.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28
No Sense Of tiumor

Little Bobby was entertaining Mr..
Geezer while Miss Flipper was up
stairs adjusting her back hair and Civ.
ing her face a few final dabs with the
powder pun. my sister says you amt
got no Idea Of humor," said Bobby.
Indeed" Nj. Geezer returned,
when did she say that?"
"Just after you was here the last
time. She said she saw you lookin' at
yourself in the mirror and you never
laffed wunst."
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28
Human Nature.
Good morning. parson."

UOUU HIO IIHBI pdIbOH'
Good morning. deacon. As I was
coming along just now I saw a fight
between a brindle bulldog and a mas
tn. And. upon my word. deacon. more
than 80 men were standing around.
How can people take an interest In
such things?"
II dunno, parson. Which dawg
won?"
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28
A X
For President.
Mark Twain Of Missouri.
For Vice President.


Mark Twain of Missouri.
For Vice President.
Finley Peter Dooley OF Archie Road.
Platform.
I. The free and unlimited coinage
of Jokes.
II. Liberal subsidies for American
comic papers.
III. British humor to be heavily
taxed.
". A closed season for muckrakers
and exposers.
v. Statehood for Oklahoma when
settled by the humorists Of America
under the name Of Grinnesota.
vi. General abolition Of Oversee
r%iousness.
VII. Internal revenue tax Of prohib'
tory percentage on all jokes having
to do with Rockefeller's hair, st,
Peter, mothers-in-law. plumbers, the
vice president and Chauncey NJ. De
pew.
VIII.-Jokes In transit to be carried
as first class matter at tenth class
postal rates not exceeding two cents
q ton.
AS We understand the situation, Mr.
Roosevelt believes In irrigation fol
farmers, but not for railway pro
moters, Just as 1t is all right for q
dairyman to water his COW. but very
wrong for him to do the same thing
with his milk.
When 1t comes down to the practi
cal basis Of staying home nights t.
look after the baby and cutting dowr
papa's trousers to fit Willie, we ar,
inclined to believe that the old-fash
lonAd wife has the new.fangled affin
lty stung a mile.
For our part we cannot see any goot
reason why the United States navy
should not go off on a cruise to the
Pacific. 1t ID all nonsense to say |
leaves the Atlantic coast unprotected
Our citizens of the east from Bar Har
Dor to Palm Beach enjoy a series o
natural Notifications that would give
pause to any enemy however hungry
for a slice Of the American pie. T,
begin with, the prohibition laws o
Maine would cause any fierce invader
to steer as clear OF her arid acres a
from the parching thirst OF the deser
Of Sahara. Further down lies Bos
ton. with Tom Lawson ready to tall
the foe to death, at any hour of tn
day or night. Then Newport with
glance OF the eye would repel an,
unwelcome boarder that endeavored t.
penetrate the mysteries Of her Bac
chanal midst. The whole OF Lon,
Island sound is picketed by So.
Line steamers ready to ram anything
In sight, friend or foe, after whlcl
comes New York, where an enem,
would be bankrupted after a 24.hou
enjoyment Of her hospitality, even |
he were not skinned before he 60
by Wall street. And SO II goes al
along the coast until Palm Beach |
reached, when, what with hotel bill.
bridge parties and q well-defined RI
nor of a roulette wheel constant
spinning. no navy in the world coul
escape being stranded.
Let the ships go west, then. Tn
east is safe, and II won't do the Jap
a bit of harm to be reminded that tn
Dewey parade il still remembered L
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28
Precoclous.

"Thumper occasionally says things
that are wonderfully apropos," said
one statesman.
YES" answered the other; hes
like our parrot at home. 1t doesn't
know much, but what 1t does know II
keeps repeating until some circum.
stance arises that makes the remark
seem marvelously apt"
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28
Minister Once a Prize FIohtsr.

Alec Burns, brother of Rt. Hon.
John Burns. was once well known in
the ring as q boxing champion. The
brothers studied boxing together, and
the cabinet minister can still use his
''mauleys a bit"
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28

COllins-He makes love to the sum-
mer girls in the wintertlme and to the
winter girls in the summer,
Rollins-What's the idea?
Collins-Thinks they come . little
cheaper when they're out of season.
Judge.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28
Gold Nugget Worth About 5000.

The largest nugget ever brought
out Of the Copper river district is
lodged in the safe Of the Arlington
hotel. The nugget ia the property Of
Dan Kahn, who made a rich strike In
the Shushinta district. Kahn brought
the nugget down with him from Alas.
ka, together with a considerable mum.
Der of smaller nuggets and gold dust,
estimated at various amounts running
Into the hundreds Of thousands Of dol.
lars by Kain's acQuaintances, but the
exact amount Of which Kahn refuses
to disclose.
This particular nugget weighs 81
ounces, and is pronounced by those
who have seen It to be one Of the
handsomest ever brought out of Alas.
ka. Kahn estimates 1t to be worth
about SIS an ounce, which would
bring its value to something over
$900.-Seattle Post-Intelligencer.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28

How mankind defers from day to
day the best 1t a do. and the most
beautiful things 1t a enjoy. without
thinking that every day may be the
last one. and that lost time 10 lost
eternity!--Max Muller.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28
Study In Natural History.

Teacher-What are marsupials?
Boy-Animals which have pouches
In their stomachs.
What DO they nave
pouches for?
Boy-To crawl into and conceal
themselves In when they are pursued
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28

"Ah. yes. the silver candlestick! Per.
init mel" (Takes 1t from the hand Of
the astonished Jones, and puts It into
his bag.) Ten thousand thanks!
Have I forgotten anything else?"-
Penny Pictorial.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28
Where He Got His Start,

Like Chief Justice Fuller. Secretary
Wilson and other men high in the
public service and confidence. Score.
tary Taft began his career as a news.
paper man.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28
What Il Means.

PA, what does 1t mean when II
says taat a man has filed a cross,
bill?"
1T means, my boy, that he has
taken advantage Of his first oppor'
tunity to talk back Detroit Free
Press.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28
Out Of Place.

That chef of the crown princess OF
Germany ought to have come oyer on
a personally conducted tour"
why so?" =
Wasn't he a cook tourist ?"-Ba,
more American.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28
New Domestic Convenience,

One OF the newest domestic convent.
ences is a jointed clothes prop which
folds up for convenience in storing
away.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28
Not keepInu Promise,

Don't | give you all the money you
need?" her husband complained.
YES" she replied, but you told me
before we were married that you
would give me all | wanted"
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28
The Natural Rssult.

PA, what happens when railroad
cara are t~elescoped?"
Il suppose the passengers sea
stars. baltimore American.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28
Post Office Named After Bailey,

The post Office at the naval station
at Guantanamo, Cuba. has been Of.
ficially named Bagley, after Ensign
Bagley. who was killed In the Spanish.
American wal.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28
Nice to Think About.

81 see a scientist says that two
thirds OF a girls weight Is sugar"
That's a sweet thought. isn't it?"--
Milwaukee Sentinel.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28
UNDER
THE
HAMMER

BY
JOHN KENDRICK BANGS

THOSE GOOD OLD COLLEGE DAYS.
o good old college days.
I see you thro' the haze
The hazy may days OF ycsteryear.
! recollect the hour
When In my youthful pow'r
{ kicked the merry pigskin without fear.
My aged spirit CLOVIS
To think of how my nose
Was sacrificed the time we played with
Yale;
And q what mem'ries come
OF how ! lost my thumb
Az toward the goal I sped the bloody
traill
My missing dexter eye
l lost without a sigh
That dear old Alma Matters splendid
name
Should stand upon the scroll
As one who kicked the goal
That brought to her a never-dylng fame.
What tho my knee Is stif
From Hefiehngcr's bin.
what tho my hip IL broke beyond repair!
mourn for them no more
The while I'm dreaming Ger
What cheers round the gridiron rent the
air
What tho I cannot hear,
Deprived Of either ear,
Because the Harvards used them for q
mat?
What tho my neck In like
A solid iron-spike
Because the Princeton 'leven on II satY
All that Is left OF me
To-day Is full OF glee
As. living on my back. I dream OF days
when spurred by battle-hymns
sacrificed my limbs
To cover Alma Matters name with praise.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28

Can a man run" again who has
never run before? This Is a nice dues'
ton for those who are considering Mr..
Roosevelt and the third term. There
is a widespread impression that he
merely ambled against Mr.. Parker.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28

Prospective Boarder-How ia the
room heated?
Landlady-By the solar system
the sun shines in the front windows
three hours every day.-Brooklyn
Eagle.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28
Elevation Of Two Americas.

The average elevation OF North
America ia 1850 feet, and Of South
America 1900 feet.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28

Alice-I rather like that young
Thompson. He has such a good, firm
mouth and chin.
Hazel-Goodness! Has Ne been
kissing you, too?-Chicago Journal.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28

Horace--Reggy went on a bear
hunt and met with an accident.
Observation-Disclosures! What was It?
Horace-He shot one.-Judge.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28

When 1t comes down to the practl-
cal basis of staying home nights to
look after the baby and cutting down
papa's trousers to fit Willie, we are
inclined to believe that the old-fash.
loned wife has the new.fangled afin.
lty stung q mile.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28

A prize OF Is cents will be given
to those who send in the best finish
ing words to the above Limerick be-
fore supper time tonight. five cents
to be divided among the first 10000
best answers received, six cents to go
to the 10000 second best answers,
and four cents to the sinking fund to
be devoted to the endowment Of q Lin.
erick asylum for the benefit OF those
who lose their minds looking for
trouble in the Limerick line. Address,
The Limerick Editor, Padded Cell
T%hlrty-six. the New Jersey State Col
lege for the Insane.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1907-11-28

AS We understand the situation, Mr.,
Roosevelt believes In irrigation for
farmers, but not for railway pro
moters. Just as 1t is all right for a
dairyman to water his cow, but very
wrong for him to do the same thing
with his milk.