Arizona republican., 1907-01-21

Il see" said Mr.. Dooley. they've
stint us a new Ambassadure firm En-
land. don't hwy th"poor man."
Isn't it a good jub?" asked Mr..
Hennessy.
1T used to be-" said Mr.. DOoley. 1T
used to be a fine job. if We were tired
an needed a rest. Nawthin' to do all
day but kick because Joe Cannon was
let into dinner ahead iv We an decidin'
wud We wear tn green an yellow pants
or tn pale blue knee breeches to tn
White House. Hogan says he see tn
diplomats together wan time in Wash
nton. There was a few white men
among thin but tn rest looked like a
muster iv tn knights iv tn Golden
Star (cOlored) on Emancipation Day.
I'm thin good old times tn foreign
nations stint us fr a diplomat some
thing they cudden't use at home an we
stint thin tn same an NANNY iv thin.
They shipped US tn mimber of a noble
but rayjOoced family with a moustache
that looked well on parade but bad in
tn coffee, an had a fine flow iv con-
versation just tn same as a door post
We handed thin back a distinguished
statesman who owned a clothing store
an fourteen votes an no more in tn
Thirtieth Congressional District iv
Ioway. If he had amy more votes he'd
stay at home an get ilicted Sheriffor
Coroner or some other Office iv honor
"Nayther side got tn betther iv III
other. 1t was a case all around iv what
what Armour wud call the bye-product
We made an Ambassadure to Europe
iv what was left over afther tn nom
mynation " a congressman. If he was
goin' to England he must know tn
name iv SHAKESPEARE be heart an have
an eye r-ready to leak at a mintion iy
tn great pote. TIL damp climate iy
tn British Isles is due to a SUCCESSION
~ American Ambassadors weepin' al
cornerstone layins an tn Openin' iv
libries. Whin tn time come to rayturn
tn complimint ye'd r-read in tn pa
aper: Sir ALI Orkins. Consul at Coon
town on tn East Coast, in a disgrace
with tn GoveInmint fr his attentions
TO a lady that is considered a sthrikin
brunette even in sunny Africa. Tn
Cabinet is determined to punish him
severely an he has been appinted Am
bassadure to tn United States He
come over here an stayed a few years
His first act on landin' was to file a
gin'ral demurrer to tn country an its
inhabitants. which he filled out in de-
tail later on. He wrote home to Chip
ping Norton firm time to time regret
ting that he had nawthin' to eat but
canvasback ducks an terrypin. an
that he cudden't find amy viggy-
table marrow, let alone wrinkles, in this
degraded country. Afther awhile he
set down an stint a letter iv advice on
American pollyticks to an innocint
searcher afther tn thruth in tn en-
ploy iv campaign comfy, an thin he
was allowed to go home be tn first
boat.
well, Sir twas cam an beautiful
life they led. Nawthin' to worry thin
but tn question iv dhress an Joe Can
non always beatin' thin TO tn vittles
They niver were able to get in first
They thried TO thrip him up, but he
jumped over tn British Ambassadure' 5
foot. They grabbed his coattails. but
his hunger an dimmycratic Traditions
il what Hogan calls precedence was
too sthrong f'r thin. Whin they got
into tn dinnin' room there he was in a
seat where he cud grab tn first waiter
that come along. Some iv thin asked
f'r a man-iv-war to enforce their de-
mands fr tn first helpin' to tn cOrned
beef. but Joe Cannon defied thin. He
said no furriner cud get in ahead iv
him. He'd had tn right kind iv thrain-
in in VermilIion County with a hired
man as pacemaker He said twas
merely a matther iv tn start. He was
off quicker thin tn imported gourmand
an his quick start give him ten yards
advantage over tn fastest an hun
griest man in tn Diplomatic Corps. He
thought if it wasn't fr his rayspict fr
tn Chief IxicOOtive. an if he wasn't
bumped an made TO swerve in the
stretch he cud run tn Prisidint him.
silf to a head.
''Iv coorse Hinnissy. that was sOr-
row iv tn diplomats an they had other
griefs. 1t was hard to dance tn two
step an an escape cuttin' off their legs
with their soOrds. their gloves busted
at times. an now an thin a Southern
Congressman tapped wan iv thin on tn
shoulder an says: Snowfall. dash
back 10th pantry an fetch me another
slice iv this here pie. an be quick about
it or I'll blow ye'er black head Off.
That was unpleasant, but tn life gin
rally was a cheerful wan. an if they
cud read tn ,pa-apers they often knew
what they were doin.'
But tits all changed now. TIL AM
bassadure has no snap. He's got TO
keep thrained to tn minnyit. an whin
he goes up to tn White House he wears
fghtin' TRUNKS undher his UNIFORM an
carries tennis bats, fencin' masks,
wrestlin' toys. an boxin' gloves in his
bag Whin tn Prisidint come into tn
office he looked tn Diplomatic Corps
over, an says he: They need health
full exercise They ARE an anemic
lot An thin We began to read in tn
pa-apers: 'Th' arrival iv Baron Speck
Won Sternburg as German Ambassa-
dure at Washin'ton has stint a thrill
through diplomatic circles. FIR a long
time tn infOonce iy Germany has been
wanin'. TIL former AmbaSsadure was
a larned man. but tn most exercise
he liver took was polishing his eye
glasses. Tn German Impror was in
despair fr tn Fr-rinch Ambassadure
Moosoo Jusserand was at tn White
House ivry day conductin' important
negotiations with a tennis bat in tn
back yard. The Er-rinchman is a fine
tenniser. but sthrange to say tn Prisi-
diit can lust beat him iVrv time 1t