davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

Misery gave the fireman who saved
his life when his house was on FIRE 30
Did the fireman take it7''
Partly He gave. Miserly 20 cents
Can that neighbor of yours sing7"
mo, but she Observation-Disclosures Ameri-
can.
wife-Now that DR.. Parker has married
that miilionairess, do you suppose he'll
Husband--Yes. but he'll charge more
for doing it.-Judge.
"A large number of people keep on
talking when they have ceased thinking"
says the Baltimore American But would
best -society?-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
MY daughter is positively delighted
shes quite familiar. you know, with all
IL" .sFamiiiar9, excIaimsd Mrs Penney
why, she's perfectly flippant. '-Phila-
del2hia Press.
Say, pa" well. SOM" What's the
difference between a Dessinist and an
optimist? = An optimist always, has
kee Sentinel.
First Critic Carter a distressing duet
poor conductor did all he could to put
them in harmony; Second Critic-Of
They are husband and wife.-Caricatur-
list.
Dad-My son, want to tell you that the
secret of my success. it must be CT
any mans, is hard work. I The SON
peoples secrets. and 1 am too much of a
gentleman to take advantage of Informal
ton gained that way. Say no more
Cleveland Leader.
Mr.. Ascum--old Munniman seems quite
n (1r-oo ms fnI-
lus-So hear. Mr.. Ascum-I suppose she
has great hopes Of being his wife soon?
is that she will be his widow SOON
Philadelphia Press.
IF the Senator will pardon me for in
terrupting him." biandly spoke, one of the
hs is n9 st fSe to s his
statesman; This is not aasermon, sir! This
is a roarw Whereat he continued mis-
Josephine Somebody told me yesterday
that I'm the prettiest woman in town.
Natasha-I'm afraid, Josephine. 1 shall
never break you of that habit of talking
to -ourself.-Shutok.
Willie (complainingly)-Oh mummy my
head seems to be going around and round
have. you been eating?-Boston Tran
script.
I'll sue the scoundrelr" exclaimed Algy
in a terrible rage. He calls me a blitn-
ering IDIOT
counselled Percy. Z" 'Blithering' doesn't
really mean anything, you know."-Chi-
cago Tribune.
"Of course you are in favor of improv-
ing the consular service p
II am" answered Senator Sorghum.
What we want in all branches of gov
eminent service is a corps of subordinate
employees so proficient that the person
appointed as the head can't possibly go
wrong ''-Washington Star.
First Dog-So you've run away, Ell? I
thought that was pretty swell place you
were living at. Second Dog-It was, but
they made me eat with the cat.-Detroit
Free Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

- The contractor who built the Perm
syivania state house made a profit of
S9S per cent on his work Being a state
contractor IN Pennsylvania appears to
be almost rs profitable as a job as SUI
peryssor in San Francisco
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
IFrom the New york Press1

IFTOm the New 7 OK Press.
Politics isn't as much as forty
second counsin to morality.
The best way to break into society
is to break into some bank first
Flats are good things to teach peo-
pie to get used to doing without a
home.
When mans wife has the money
he talks a lot about his work without
doing any.
woman may not learn much
about acting going to the theater, but
she learns a lot about clothes.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

for wider field" 1t agitated him so
that he took telegraph blank in hand
to deny it. "E1 Dorado" he says. IS
long enough, wide enough. broad
enough and thick enough for me, and
when I leave the town it viii be for
the bone yard"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

T The house of Guggenhein, recently
made famous by the Colorado legisla-
ture, has investments in the Congo and
IN Alaska, as well as in seat in the
United States senate. 1t evidently does
not propose to have all its eggs in one
basket.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

Here is more trouble: 1t is almost
time to worry about the harvest hand
shortage. The car famine and the
harvest hand shortage are two trou-
bles that the Kansas farmer can al
WAYS count on
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

Mr.. Burton can not understand why
nearly all of the men who prosecuted
him have been promoted. 1t does not
seem to have occurred to him that
they were pretty good men who did
their duty. no matter how unpleasant.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26
FINDS Plant Has Nerves.

Most persons have heard of the
sensitive plant, which Shrinks from
rough handling and expands under
gentle treatment, but the scientific
truth that all plants are sensitive, that
| they have a nervous organization like
that of the lower animals, will be news
to many.
This truth was first proclaimed by
Prof. ]. c. Bose. Previously physioIo-
gists had attributed apparent evil
dences of sensation in plants to a dis
turbance of the equilibrium of the wat
er In their tissues. Now they know
that plants have really a nervous or
ganization, and respond in that way
to outside influences.
Prof. Bose regards the plants as a
machine, complex, capable of delicate
response to external misunderstanding
movements and with the power of
holding back part of the energy re-
sultfng from the stimulus shock The
external stimulus induces expansion.
The interaction of this contraction
and expansion is found to account for
tic of life. Not the least important
part of this conclusion would seem to
be that it brings into close relationship
phenomena between which no con-
nection could be previously detected.
He finds no exception to the rule that
response is always by concavity of the
more excited side of an organ.
The rhythmic activity of the plant
tissue is measured by the rate of for
ward propulsion of water due to con-
tractile response. The transmission of
excitation Is detected by various meth
DDS giving results in entire agreement.
1t is curious to find that the so-called
sensitive plants are in some respects
less sensitive than their fellows which
were supposed to be insensitive.
Among the most interesting of the
experiments are those dealing with the
action of drugs upon the mechanical
response of the plant. 1t is not, of
course, a surprise to learn that the
Immediate effect of exposure to the
influence of vapor of alcohol is, as a
rule one of exaltation.
There are, however individual cases
in which state of depression is Undue
ed from the moment of exposure
Chicago Chronicle
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

Stuyvesant Fish says the president
does not see his own faults. Stuyvesant
might try mailing the president one
of Burton's speeches.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

It's a wonder that this recent hot
spell has not afforded an opportunity
for wall from the ice trust about the
scarcity of ice and incidentally for an
advance in the price. Perhaps the ice
men were so surprised that they
haven't thought of 1t yet.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

The Lawrence World threatens to
turn the state over to the Democrats
IL the Republican leaders do not stand
for the people instead of for the cor
porations. And the serious part of It is
thai several thousand other good Re
publcans are making the samc sort of
a threat
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

The South Dakota legislature has
passed a law making 1t more difficult
90 procure a divorce in that state. In
other words, the South Dakota law
makers are legislating against one of
the most flourishing home industries of
at
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

Mr.. Hartman says he prefers the
penitentiary to the poorhouse- Well.
there seems little likelihood that Mr..
Hartman will ever have to go to the
poorhouSe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

When Dan Anthony gets to congress,
Washington won't call him young
Dan" but it is pretty hard for the
First district to get over the habit.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26
SOCIALISM.

Socialism or fraternalism may work
successfully for a season among prim-
tive and simple pastoral and agricul-
tural communities, but it can never
succeed in a highly differentiated ma
ton like the United States-Boston
Traveller
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

If the president. as Stuyvesant Fish
charges, is blind to his own faults, il
can not be blamed on to a former
United States senator whose home is
at Abilene
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26
ANOTHER OPINION.
ISM A RTv

The senate reimbursed Tom Kelly to
the extent of $4,000 for money he had
paid for a surety. bond. If Burton was
half as smooth as Tom Kelly he would
make the United States senate apollo
gize to him and cause Uncle Sam to
give him all Of Cuba.-Osborne Farm
a.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26
OUR ARMY.

The Omitted States) regular army,
which is regarded as the basis or
skeleton of a much larger army in
time of war, is probably both as to Of
fcers and men the best physically, the
most intelligent, the most highly train
ed and the most perfectly equipped Of
any army in the world.-London Spec
tatOr.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

Might as well look on the bright side.
If a hard freeze comes it will kill off
q lot Of bugs as well as the fruit crop.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

Old Winter can not be accused of
lingering in the lap of Spring this
time. He must have been showed forth
with a jolt.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26
SHOULD BE COPIED.

at shall count nothing failure but
failure to do right" the maxim OF
Governor Hughes. This maxim is not
copyrighted, but there is no great dan
ger of it's being stolen by all the gov
errors at once.-Louisville Courier
Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

That NIcaragua-Honduran war is
closed just in time to escape the hot
weather. 1t is pretty hard to keep up
patriotism down there when it is so
much more pleasant to lie in the shade
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

Spring has done fairly well thus far
considering that it has been with vi
less than a week and hasn't had much
practice.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26
LEARNING.

The railroad companies will observe
the laws enacted by the legislature.
The railroad managers are learning
that 1t is wise to do the right thing at
the right time and not wait until
everybody is mad and wants to bite
Hutchinson News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

2 There is a suspicion abroad tina
Mr.. Burton himself may be trim
prejudiced.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

Among others who object to this
balmy brand Of spring is the gas COM
pany
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

Colonel Thomas Benton Murdoch was
IN Kansas City the other day when he
heard that he was to sell the FL Do
yRdo Republican and leave that town
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

Railroad men are talking too
much" says Uncle Jim Hill; and then
Uncle Jim goes right on talking.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

There Is some curiosity to know VIII,
July was slipped in as the hrst montl
of spring this year. .
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26
CAN'T AFFORD THE LUXURY.

Pittsburg wants it understood that
some really good men" live there.
OF course. not every one in Pittsburg
Is rich. Some are SO poor they can't
afford to be really bad.-Kansas City
Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

The Ruef trial is also responsible eol
xnearthing the word "elisor."
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26
A POHTICAL TRUST.

The merger of W. J. Bryan and
Tom l. Johnson is. however. no such
threat of monopoly of political in
terests that government ownership of
them will be the only form of protec-
ton for the people.-Detroit Free
Press
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26
An Authority ON Marriage.

Benjamin T. Nixon, of Jefferson
Vile, Ind, Is known as the marrying
squire for the very good reason that
he has united in matrimony no less
than 1882 couples.
A reporter the other day asked this
authority for his views on marriage.
Mr.. Nixon said:
when marriage is a failure, the
fault nearly always lies at the hus-
bands door. The man lets romance
die. He forgets.'
Mr.. Nixon unused a while.
"It is like this he said. "a man
of middle age and a youth of poetical
appearance sat side by side in the
smoking car of a nearly empty train.
In the solitude the youth took a
photograph from his pocket, looked
at it, and then said to his companion
feverishly:
Were you ever, sir, in love?''
1.-The man of middle age started He
laughed.
"'Was I ever in love?' he repeated,
as he relighted his pipe. Was I ever
in love? Well, I don't know if
You don't know cried the youth.
We'll, If you ever had been in love,
you'd know it. Why, when you're in
love, your life is a sweet dream, you
have no taste for food, you think of
nothing but the beauty Of
Were you ever married?' snapped
the middle-aged man.
"'Well. if you ever had been, you'd
know it, Why, when you're married,
your life is
But the youth, with a scowl, got up
and changed his seat. Exchange.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

BATTLESHIP DISASTERS.
Battleships have their disasters in
peace no less renowned than war
Baltimore Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26
KANSAS COMA1ENT
HAPPINESS

/
After you have been married a little
while you are going to find that there
are Two kinds of happiness that you
can nave, says knowing writer. You
| can BUY a lot of home happiness with
a small salary, but fashionable happi-
ness always costs just a little more
tnan you are making. You can't keep
oowh expenses when you have tc keep
UP appearances, being something you
are not. You're in the fix of dog
chasing its tail-you can't make both
ends meet and if you do, it's going to
give you such a crick in the neck that
you won't get any real satisfaction out
OF your gymnastics. You have to live
on ruInp steak basis when alone
so that you can appear to be a quail
on toast basis when you have COM
pany. And while they are eating your
quail and betting that they are cold
storage birds, they'll be whispering to
each other that the butcher told the
cook that you lived all last week on
soup bone and two pounds of hainbur-
ger steak. Then when you have sweat
along at 1t a dozen years or so you
will wake up some smorning and Cis-
cover that your appearances have de-
ceiVed no one but yourself. The man
that tries the game is a good deaf like
the fellow who put fancy vest OVER
dirty shirt, he Is the only person who
can't see the spots on his chin.-Troy
Chief.
ELIMINATING THE HOG BUYER.
1t listens funny to when we look
over our country exchanges and read
items about the hog buyers in differ
ent towns. Mankato hasn't had hog
buyer in years, and we are in a COUNT
which ships more hogs every year than
any county in the state. The farmers
in the vicinity OF Mankato long ago de-
cided that If a buyer could make mon
ey shipping hogs, they could do the
same thing. shipping their own pork
ers. Here we nave farmers shipping
associations, have had for many years,
and the prospects are that lhey will
continue in the business. The farmers
get all their hogs are worth, evary time
A hog buyer would starve to death in
Mankato.-Mankato Advocate.
POLICY.
1t IS reported that in a debate on the
Stubs primary bill in the house last
week Policy of Republic made a sneer-
ing remark about Mr.. Stubs and de-
manded to know, "On what meat does
this our Caesar feed that he has grown
so great" Well, judging from the re-
hasn't made in the house we think it
was about time for him to make In
qui1ies in regard to the diet of the men
who are doing things. Policy may
think a cracker is all right, but t.
man up the tree it looks like the Re
public county man needed something
that would strengthen his back bone.
-Lindsborg News.
ANOTHER OPINION.
You don't want to overlook that
man Stubs. If Stubs has been dead
the past two years. he is showing a de-
cided intention of returning to life.
Stubs is rich, clever, and possessed of
tireless energy. He is for Stubs first,
last and all the time. His goal is the
United States senate, and before two
years are up a whole lot of people are
going to be aware of the fact.-Os-
borne Farmer.
SMART"
The senate reimbursed Tom Kelly to
the extent of $4,000 for money he had |
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26
Hermit Knew Greeley.

The Tribune is gone. the country
is gone, and 1 am gone
''Those were the last words I ever
heard Horace Greeley utter" said
General Hugh Cameron, the Kansas
hermit the other day.
"I knew Horace Greeley we'll. He
was brilliant man. I was running
little monthly paper called the Home
stead Champion in Washington when
Greeley was nominated for the presi-
dency in 1872. The Greeley support
ers came to me and asked me to issue
my paper weekly and make it strong
Greeley organ. did it and also served
as the secretary of the local commit
tee for the District of Columbia during
the cam paign.
after the election 1 went to New
York to see Greeley. I was going up
the steps to the office of the New York
Tribune and met Greeley coming
down. 1t was there he spoke the last
words 1 ever heard him say. Only
few minutes before he had been in
formed that he could never again be
editor of the Tribune.
This was the final blow that killed
Greeley He had lost his wife. He
had spent all his money in a losing
campaign for the presidency. and on
top of those misfortunes was the loss
of his paper. He went home and died
a few days later."-Kansas City Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26
Hard to Dodge.

Senator Hale in a st. Patrick's day
address at Ellsworth, said of the ma
tionaI prosperity:
"Two tramps were conversing over
a pail of hot ale.
q These is terrible times said the
first, as he set down the smoking pail
and wiped his mustache.
"'They certainly is the other an
swered. a feller can't ask fer woik
nowadays 'thout bein' offered 1t. -
Los Angeles Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26
HUM0R OF THE DAY

Misery gave the fireman who saved
his life when his house was fire 30
cents for carrying him down the ladder"
Did the fireman take it2'
Partly. He gave Misery 20 cents
change. '-Baltimore American.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26
Removing Ink.

A woman was trying to lift big
blot of ink from a letter with piece
of plotting paper. with the usual re-
suit of making the blot bigger and
uglier than it was at first Let me
show you how to do that, said her
friend. 81 learned the trick in sta
TONER'S shop in London last year. You
lust rnoisten the corner of the blotter
first, to get it started, and then apply
If to the Ink spot There! Isn't IT
wonderful how clean it takes 1t all
up!'-New York Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

"A large number of people keep on
talking when they have ceased thinking, .
says the Baltimore American But would
you make a voiceless solitude of our
best -society?-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

Dad-My son, want to tell you that the
secret of my success, as it must be CT
any mans, is hard work. L The SON
Sh! Dad, I don't care to hear other
peoples secrets, and 1 am too much of
gentleman to take advantage of Informal
ton gained that way. Say no more
Cleveland Leader
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

Mr.. Ascum-Old Munniman seems quite
attentive to Miss Grabbins. Miss Chel-
lus-So hear. Mr.. Ascum-I suppose she
has great hopes of being his wife soon?
Miss Chellus-No; think her great hope
is that she will be his widow SOON
Philadelphia Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

Say, pa well, SOM" What's the
difference between n pessimist and an
optimist?'' An optimist always has
money, my son.. Hun along "-Milwau-
kee Sentinel
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

Wife-Now that DR.. Parker has married
that millionairess, do you suppose he'll
cut us?"
Husband-Yes. but he'll charge more
for doing it.-Judge.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

osephine-Somebody told me yesterday
that I'm the prettiest woman in town
Natasha-Im afraid, Josephine. 1 shall
never break you of that habit of talking
to yourself.-Shutok.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

Can that neighbor of yours sing?"
mo, but she does. baltimore Ameri-
can.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

First Critic (after a distressing duet
between the tenor and the soprano)-The
poor conductor did all he could to put
them in harmony. Second Critic-Of
course, but he had an impossible task.
They are husband and wife.-Caricatur-
list.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

MY daughter is positively delighted
with her new piano." said Mrs. Nexdore {;
shes quite familiar, you know, with all
the classical composers"
FAMILIAR exclaimed Mrs. Pepprey.
why, she's perfectly flippant. "-Phila-
delchia Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

IF the Senator will pardon me for in
terrupting him. blandly spoke one of the
other Senators. he is not sticking to his
text" My text" Numbered the fiery
statesman; This is not assermon, sir! This
is a roarn Whereat he continued mis-
roaring.-Chicago Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

Willie (compIainingly)-Oh, mummy my
head seems to be going around and round
have you been eating Tran
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-26

I'll sue the scoundrelr' exclaimed Algy
in a terrible rage He calls me a blltn-
ering idiot!'
Il wouldn't pay any attention to it, "
counselIed Percy. " 'Blithering' doesn't
really mean anything, you know.'-Chi-
cago Tribune.