The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-07-09
CUTLER THIRSTY
FOR HUMAN GORE
Jtah's Governor Has a Military
Bug" of Wonderful Buzz
ing Qualities.
4 STAFF is A WONDER
AND A JOY FOREVER
ErstwhiIe Tailor Has Taken
Roosevelt for His Model,
and Dreams of Blood.

Governor John G. Cutters mania fol
gold braid and military trappings has be
come so acute that. unless conYalcscence
begins pretty soon. he will refuse 10 ap-
pear in public unless accompanied by
flaming escort of soldiery. His friends
are violently alarmed over his bug
for bayonets and gore. His uniformed
staff arrayed like Solomon in all his
glory, is lugged into every public func-
iion great or small. 10 which the gov
ernor lends his presence He has an ar
ray OF generals and colonels and major
lean revolutionary leader, and he per
sists in exhibiting them at every .oppor-
unity. regardless OF the proprleues Oh
he eternal fitness OF things.
To other people Governor Cutler mas
he appearance OF a humble. mild-man-
Iered and soft-spoken Mormon wool mer-
,hant; but, in his own mind. he mas
taken on the ferocious character oil 9
srcat military leader. and has become 2
-egular "hellofafella- He moons OF
swords by day and dreams OF muskets
~ night. In fancy's fond picture lie
paints himself Leading deathless host
up tho CORY path OF eternal fame, tns
Yanic- stricken foe fleeing wildly IN every
direction before the advance of the in
vincible Cutler host. And when there
is danger of his pipe going out, ne or
ders out his "stawn' and attends PINK
'.Stawff'' Mighty One.
The "stawff" responds from law Of
fees, dry goods counters and music
stores: and when the bloodthirsty gov
crnor gets himself surrounded with TINS
array OF military talent, he imaSines that
mis- dream of slaughter and undying fame
Ultimately will become true. The great
cav Of his friends is that he VIII soon
- lsist in rigging himself out In a gaudy
inform and tying a sword 10 his at
enuated person. .
EEK and Iowly tailor. The hercesi
canon with which he was acquainted
,as the plebian yardstick. He sold clothes
eek in and week out, except on ten. m
as,pesses OF the Mormon secret place
"a took the part of Adam IN the en- :
,wment ceremony. He was content with
ais lie. One day when the polygaihoius
uYophet of Zion declared In a pubic
s3cech that he bought his clothes at John
4. Cutters store, the little tallors cup
of happness was filled To oVerhoWlns
Surely life could contain no more lie
was content TO pay his tithing regu-
larly to believe in polygamy as an ap-
siract principle, and 90 picture a heaTen esi'aa
10 all the Mormon prophets oil nSsohe
generations.
Smoot Stirs Ambition.
Ills soaring ambition 10 wade 10 his
neck in blood dates from 1904. AT that
Zine Apostle Reed Smoot OF Provo was
What the apostle wanted was the most
insignificant, pliable, and supcrstillous
Latter-day Saint he could lind. and. al
raking Utah with a fne-tooth comb. ne
hit upon Tailor Cutler as a man mt
ting this description in every particular
Divine revelation was brought into Play;
and the erstwhiie tailor was eleFateu
10 the executive chair.
The little tailor approached his new
duties with awe. He could not UNDERSTAND
Apostle Smoot's bencfcence in selecting
such q weak vessel for such a high Of
fee and, for that matter, neither could
anybody else But Tailor Cutler began
the duties OF his Office with proper
sense of gratitude 10 the prophets OF Is
rael and with a firm determination 10 get
all the glory-and incidentally everything
else-out OF the office there was in IL.
He hadn't studied his new duties ana
perauisites long before he learned that
one of his law allowed privileges was 10
appoint d military staff. and he appointed
one. II didn't amount TO much at hrst.
. for the Governor was new to his duties
and somewhat timid about exercising
them. Besides that, he had not yet heard
human blood letting. But the awakening
was 10 come.
Roosevelt Inspires Him.
AS soon as the poygamous prophets OF
Brigham street learned that President
Roosevelt was on the square IN MS sup
port OF Apostle Shoots claim 10 Senate
seat their gratitude was so great that
they included in the outlines for theiI
religion classes one on the Life and
Public Service OF Theodore Roosevelt
Orders were issued TO the faithful that
President Roosevelt, II indeed neither q
Mormon nor polysamist. was at least
TO be numbered hereafter among the
'Thonsst in heart" All true Saints were
instructed to study his career and learn
enough about him to sing his praises
and hold their own In an argument With
r question the infaIlibility Of the sanctiied
Chief Executive OF the nation.
In a religion class, therefore. Tailor
Cutler first heard of the mil mllitary al re record 20
won immortal fame In a battle in which
he did not participate, aud the idea
struck him that he could do the same
thing. Long slumberinS military ambi-
lion was famed into roaring flame His
hitherto neglected "stawff" was dragged
out Of cold storage, It's numbers We're
each member thereof "StawF' officers
were notified TO be ready al moments
notice 20 respond to the call of duty. 10
spread dsmay at some corpse strcWi
banquet or gruesome military ball.
Hallucination Grows.
The halUcination has grown on the lit
tie tailor until he imagines he is nodded
.n tho same mold as Roosevelt There
Is possibly as much likeness between them
as between the roaring lion and the
shrinking jackrabbit OF the sagcbrush
but Cutler thinks the real resemblance
is there. and IT makes his heart glad and
his bosom palpltate. In his supreme
moments Of ecstacy he compares himself
10 Alexander the Great Caesar. Napoleon
and the Iron Duke. At times he ever
-'i-i's 70 nat. so far as true military genius
is concerned. he is bigger man thar
ca .loo2eNelt himself,
And the apostle from Provo, with fbr
'kinlties" and 'curlies" is content to lei
the little tailor play with his toy swor4
and his tin soldiers. II keeps him Out
Of mischief and occupies what. by cour-
tosy, Is called his mind The only ono,
who worry over the Governors infatua,
tion are his friends Of humber days anc
Joseph f. Smith the prophet HI.
friends are fearful that he will soon bt
leading a regiment OF tatterden1alions ir
certain Provo institution noted foI
barred windows and padded cells Th.
prophet Is afraid that some day, whrI
he goes to the temple TO take the par
%, Adam. the Governor win take a swort
along and instead of Welding IN the g..