The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1907-09-26
A WON DERFUL
BY JAMES r. PARsoN,

| house with three of McGilder's paten
| beds, for, recollect, they combine the
| usefulness of three separate articles
| of furniture-a bed, a chair, and 8
| sofa"
The above was part Of a harrangue
addressed by dapper, red-necktied
young fellow, who stood upon a gaudi
ly painted cart, to mob of about
| 500 idiots, of whom l was chief, for
will It be believed?-I, like derned
fool, actually bought bed.
That morning my wife had told me
that her Aunt Hespah was coming tc
visit us, and that, owing to the micro
scopic dimensions of our fiat, she
didn't know where Aunt Hespah could
sleep.
So l bought the bed amid the
plaudits of the crowd, and the strong
ly expressed wish from redshirted
labOrer that | should lie down and
sleep on it then and there, in order
to show the spectators how the old
snap worked.
The dealer proceeded to do 1t up.
He made a very small parcel con
sidering it was a bed.
Put it in yer pocket advised a
dirtyfaced laborer. with shovel and
and my bed walked off amid a gen
eral smile, audibly expressed
Where yer goin'?" asked the con
ductor. Come now, young Teller get
off with that ere pianoboX. Dyer
think this is a baggage train? Yer
cant ride in this car"
In vain l pleaded.
He wouldn't have it.
Disguised, ! waited for the next
and endeavored to make the bed look
as small as possible.
The car stopped, so | got in.
or course it started before | was
seated, SO over | fell, knocked of a
woman's bonnet. doubling up a fat
man. and almost annihilating small
boy with my bed.
AS for the bed, there was sound OF
rumbling in its complicated machin,
cry, and with a snap it flew open, dis
closing a chair.
How in the world was l going to
get 1t into a bed again?
Some of the passengers laughed
while the fat man grew sarcastic.
HIM" growled he; wonder what
people will carry in cars next! | sup
pose | can expect to get into one
some day and find a piano or a NOW
ing machine. Some people haven't
any sense"
At last, though, reached my house
and got in, only breaking the gate
with my bed as | did So
My wife opened the door.
Where in the name of goodness did
you buy that horse block, and what
are you going to do with IT." she
asked.
| Indignantly replied that 1t was
not a horse block.
1t was chair
Also it could be made into = bed,
or sofa, at will.
After patient study and research
found the directions for working the
bed concealed in most undiscovera-
BILE spot, and turned the chair into a
bed. Then | turned the bed into IA
sofa, and the sofa hack again into a
chair.
My wife was delighted
| began to believe | had made a
domestic hit, and expatiated upon my
great head in discovering and purchas.
ing such marvel of mechanism and
general utility.
Aunt Hespah had arrived, and she
joined us in examining the bed.
Lord a mercy! what next, ] won,
der?" she said. "Turn 1t into bed,
Edward"
Edward did.
Aunt Hespah must lie down and
try it.
Just here came the catastrophe.
How it occurred | don't know, but the
fiendish bed got independent and
started to work itself into a chair
without orders.
But Aunt Hespah was in the way.
The result was she was caught like
a mouse, McGilder's beautiful inven-
ton clasping her as affectionately as
young fellow would his sweetheart.
Aunt Hespah gave ii yell loud
enough to stop clock, and began
Keeling about the room, with McGild-
ers patent charging on her.
Take it off. Take it OFT" bawled
she; its a-squeezin' me to death
Lord mercy, I'll die if somebody
don't take away this drafted ma,
chine"
! sprang to her rescue.
But | could not get the bed OF IN
aided.
The result was we had to lay Aunt
Hespah upon the floor, and cut the
bed OF with an ak. And by the time
1t was accomplished she was about
halfdead.
My wife, however, will not speak to
me.
She persisted in believing that de.
liberately invented the bed myself for
the sole purpose of killing Aunt Hes
pah. and that my tale Of the purchase
was barefaced fiction | tell you
what-men never know how muCi
fun they can have till they get mar.
ried.
Odd Proposal Of Marriage.
That celebrated painter OF flower
and figure subjects William Hunt,