davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19
TRAGEDY OF A BROADWAY CAR.
Truly 1t Is Everybody for Himself" in
New York.

There were six in the seat of the
Broadway surface car, which was too
many. However, everybody who board
ed the car seemed to take a fancy to
that particular seat, so some were also
standing. A very small man sat
crouched on the end seat, a pretty girl
next to him. The small man seemed
to be very restless, and no wonder,
for all the rest were pushing the pref
ty girl, who necessarily pushed him in
way that seemed to infer that his
room was better than his company. At
length, unable to endure it any longer,
he all at once showed his shoulder
under the rail and fell out, apparently.
Mercy" screamed a nervous pas
senger, has he committed suicide?"
Il don't know" answered the pretty
girl, "but, anyway, I've got the end
seat."-N. Y. Press.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19
Little courtship Comedy.

A good-looking, well-to-do bachelor
of Manchester was being leased by
some young women of his acquaint-
ance for not being married. He said:
"Ill marry the one of you whom on a
secret vote you elect to be my wife"
There were nine women in the COM
pany. Each one went into corner
and used great caution in preparing
her ballot and disguised her handwrit-
ing.
The result was that there were nine
votes cast, each receiving one. The
man remains bachelor, the friend
ship is broken up, and the women, all
mortal enemies, united in the one de-
termination that they will not speak to
the man again.-The Taller.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19

there it remained until happy con-
seriousness put him down and out.
Yesterday afternoon at 2:30 loud
shrek emanated from the Bungalooza
Villa, followed almost Immediately by
it's publisher, Mrs. Shinevonboodle.
Both the Shrek and the author
came out as far as the gate and at
tracted the ears of a policeman.
my diamonds have been stolen!"
exclaimed Mrs. Shinevonboodle, ex-
citedly.
For publication purposes or for
-pawning?" inquired the policeman.
Must tell you the details with
out first being introduced to your"
said Mrs. Shinevonboodle, angrily.
mot unless you don't care to meet
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19
New in Natural History.

Not all English children are well
posted on live stock. The following
''howlers" are from essays exhibited
at a recent show: THE young horses
have long legs, so that it might keep
up to it's mother when wild lions like
the lion and tiger are after them to
devour them" THE fowl" declares
still another, when alive is used for
cock-fighting and when dead for its
beautiful feathers" "The pig gets
its wool coat off in summer. Then
we get the wool of it. The pig is re-
garded as a bad creature"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19
A Terrible Indictment.

The modern girl is a sphinx; a by.
brid kind of creature who dislikes chill
dren, talks an incomprehensibIe lam
guage, mostly composed of slang
terms picked up goodness knows
how and where, and looks upon femin-
inc graces as-to use her own "ele-
CANT" tommy rot. CORES.
pondent writing in the Throne.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19
Fishinu Time.

Some piscatorial equivocator has
the audacity to send me a sheepskin
postcard made in the shape of small
fish, with one-cent stamp on its tail.
Printed on one side was this: 'When
telling about it don't let your little
fish turn into a whale" Of course,
an appeal to the post office depart
ment will be made. This is libe!ous
matter.-N. Y. Press.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19
Disparity.

The two young women, who had not
met for a long time, embraced each
other with much fervor.
'How's this, Kate? I hear you have
gone and married a rich widower. Is
he much older than your"
"Well, there's considerable differ
ence between our ages, Clara. In fact,
he's a war veteran"
Spanish WARP"
ooh, no; he wasn't in that"
Civil war, then, of course"
"No-er-MeXican."
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19
He Set a Date.

A merchant in a Wisconsin town
who had a Swedish clerk sent him out
to do some collecting. When he re-
turned from an unsuccessful trip he
reported:
YIN Yonson say he will pay ven he
sells his hogs. Vim Olesen, he will pay
ven he sell him wheat, and Bill Pack
say he will pay in january"
Well said the boss, that's the
first time Bill ever set a date to pay.
Did he really say he would pay in
January?"
well, aye tank so" said the clerk.
HE say dat it ban dam cold day ven
you get that money. / tank that ban
in january. "-Harper's Weekly.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19
Deafness Cannot Be Cured

by local applications as they cannot reach the dis
eased portion of the ear. There is only way to
deafness and that by constitutional remedies
Deafness is caused by an indamed condition of the
mucous lining of the Eustachian Tube. When this
tube is inaamed you have rumbling sound OF Inn
perfect hearing and when it is entirely closed, Deaf
ness is the result, and unless the Inflammation be
taken and this tube restored to its normal condi
tion hearing will be destroyed forever; nine cases
out of ten are caused by Catarrh, which is nothing
but an infamed condition of the mucous surfaces.
We will give One Hundred Dollars for any case of
Deafness tcaused by catarrh) that cannot be cured
by Halls Catarrh Cure Send for circulars, free.
+. j. CHENEY 4 CO., Toledo, O.
Sold by Druggists, 75c.
Take Halls Family Pills for constipation.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19
Dutch at Home and Abroad.

Holland has a population of only g.
100000, but there are 40,0O0,00O of peo-
pie in the Dutch East and West In
dies. The Dutch are not at present
much addicted to emigration. In the
United States, at the time of the last
census, there were only 10000 per-
sons of Dutch birth. The number of
Netherlanders in the Dutch East In
dies is barely $4,000.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19
Cool.

what does that stranger on the
beach mean by his signals?" demand
ed the man at the helm. did you
ever see the fellow before?"
mo" answered the girl in the yacht
ing cap, ''but he has just proposed to
me by wigwag, and l have accepted
him. Our engagement, therefore, is
off. Kindly put me ashore"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19

chronic case. At one time had to use
a crutch and cane to get about My
back was lame and weak, and besides
the aching, there was a distressing
retention OF the kidney secretions. I
was in bad way when I began using
Doan's Kidney Pills in 1901, but the
remedy cured me, and I have been
well ever since"
Sold by all dealers. so cents box.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19
No Grace.

Four-year-old Anna was invited to
take luncheon with the family of one
of her little friends. Before they. par
took of their meal, the head of the
house asked blessing upon the food,
during which time Anna chartered. con-
stantly. Not wishing to reprove the
child, her hostess said, II suppose you
don't have grace at your house"
ooh, no." the little girl replied, 1--WE
have Bessie. "-Harper's Magazine.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19
Human Vanity.

"Bliggins is always talking about
the bright things his baby says"
'Yes," answered the unsympathetic
person. Every father regards his
own son as the smartest boy on earth.
He regards such circumstance as a
simple manifestation of the law of
heredity. "-Washington Star.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19
Opening Lower Brule Indian Reserva.
ton in South Dakota.

Parties wishing full information as
to the character of the land, how to
reach it and how to take part in the
drawing in October, also information
in relation to the opening of Trip
county, in the Rosebud Reservation, can
secure same by sending One Dollar to
Chas. H. Burke, Pierre, South Dakota,
formerly Member of Congress and
author of the Lower Brule and Rose
bud legislation.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19
The Peaceful Jog of the River.

An ingenious Spaniard says that
rivers and the inhabitants of the wa
terry element were made for wise men
70 contemplate and fools to pass by
without consideration" And though
/ will not rank myself in the number
of the first, yet give me leave to free
myself from the last, by offering to
you short contemplation, first of riv-
ers, and then of fish; concerning
which l doubt not but to give you
many observations that will appear
very considerable; am sure they have
appeared so to me, and made many an
hour pass away more pleasantly, as
have sat quietly on fiowery bank by
a calm river.-Isaac Walton.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19

will interest the thou
SANDS of veterans who
came back from the
Civil War suffering tor
lures with kidney COM
plant. Capt. Ely says:
Il contracted kidney
trouble during the
Civil War, and the &C.
casional attacks final
~ developed into a
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19

Japan has withdrawn all her sol.
diers from Manchuria, in strict ac-
cordance with the provisions of the
treaty, but there are now $4,000 Jap.
anese settlers there, some of whom
perhaps know how to fight.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19

An old bachelor says it is impossible
for a woman to do anything better
than man. He evidently never saw
woman pack a trunk.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19
Countries Of One cron.

Burmah is one of the worlds single
crop countries, basing her prosperity
on rice, as Hawaii does on sugar, and
the Philippines do on hemp.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19

FITS, st. Vitus Dance and all Nervous
Diseases permanently cured by DR.. Kline's
Great Nerve Restorer Send for Free s.. 90
trial bottle and treatise. DR.. r. IA. Kline
Id. 93l Arch St. Philadelphia. Ps.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19
Adnirers Slow to suhscribe.

Although the Carlyle memorial at
Edinburgh was projected as long ago
as 1895, only e100 has been received
from go subscribers.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19

The average man would rather
blow his own horn than listen to a
band concert.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19
"Good," Said the Policeman.

whispered, because when my husband
got the bill for them he had four diff.
ferent styles Of fits in four minutes.
Three of these fits were entirely new
and original with him, so remember
the jewels perfectly"
Good" said the policeman. 81
will have Is detectives and PIG report.
ers up here in ten minutes. Calm
yourself now, calm yourself, because
what is lost will soon be found in the
newspapers"
The policeman rushed away to the
telephone, and with glad cry of
thanksgiving Mrs. Shinevonboodle ran
in the house and began to beat Mozart
out of the piano.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19

Should you ever have occasion to
express your sympathy for poor re-
lation mail him a check.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19
Cream and Poultry.

Top prices, quick returns, square deal
Ship to us to-day. Write for tags 4 prices
r. E. COBB, St. Paul, MINI.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19

A girl isn't necessarily a peach be-
cause she has stony heart.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19

You do not learn that you may live
you live that you may learn.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19

He who reigns within himself is
more than king.-Milton.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19

Mrs. WingIow's Soothing Syrup.
For children teething softens the gums reduces
fammation, allays pain wind collie Csc bottle.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19
High Cream Prices.

Write us to-day for particulars and tags
MILTON DAIRY CO., St. Paul, MINI.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19

Virtue is bold and goodness never
fearful Shakespeare.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19

A woman is easily managed when a
man takes her hand in his love.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19
HERITAGE OF CIVIL WAR.
Chronic Kidney Trouble While
in the Service.

The experience Of Capt. John L. Ely,
Of Co. E, 18th Ohio, now living at 500
East Second street, Newton, Kansas,
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19
McMurray's Vanilla

Worth a dollar drop, sold by all Gro
GERS at low price.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19

A man can do no wrong-after the
undertaken gets him.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19
We Want Your Cream.

Write to-day for tags and prices. North
Star Creamery Co., Minneapolis, MINI.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19
Guns. Traps, pecoYs. Etc.

Lowest prices. Write for free catalog No.
N. w. Hide & Fur Co.. Minneapolis, MINI
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19
Ship Your Cream to Us.

We always pay the highest market price
Samels Bros, Minneapolis, MINI.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19
We Pay Top Price for Cream.

Cash every day. Write for prices and
tags. Miller & Holmes. st. Paul. MINI.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19

That's all the society news 1 have
at present, John. Yours as per usual.
BUNCH.
Copyright, 1906, by G. W. Dillingham; Col
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-19

lightful experiences I have ever
known.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1907-09-14
SINKING FUNDS.
They Originated In Scheme Devised
by Lord Stanhope.

They Originated In a Scheme Devised
by Lord Stanhope.
The general public has no idea Of
the meaning Of sinking fund" The
term had its origin in a scheme de-
vlsed by Lord Stanhope in 1716 where
by certain taxes on the South Sea
Bubble) and general funds were made
perpetual, and it was enacted that the
surplus should be annually invested
and applied to the discharge Of the ma
tional debt. BY means Of 1t between
the years 171G and 1913 the sum OF
$52, 100000 of the debt was actually
discharged. So rich became the sink
ing fund that it excited the cupldity
of parliament, and the grafters laid
violent hands on 1t, diverting 1t to
other purposes, so that in the succeed
ing twenty-five years only $40, 800, 900
more had been paid off.
The fund got into a condition SO
wretched that it did little in time of
peace and nothing in time of war to
discharge the national debt DR.. Price
persuaded william Pitt TO adopt his
plan of investing S5,000,000 every year
at compound interest until with the &C,
cumulations the sum amounted to $20,'
100000, when 1t was to be invested al
simple interest only. leaving the
amount Of interest annually redeemed
at the disposal of parliament. DR.,
| Price said: Let a state be supposed
10 run in debt $1O,0O0,0O0 year, for
which it pays interest at per cent
In seventy years a debt of ST00,000,-
600 would be incurred. But an appro-
priation of 100000 year employed
as sinking fund at compound inter
est would at the end of this time leave
the nation beforehand S30,000,000."
| New York Press.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1907-09-14
The Dread of Death.

Granted that it is the will OF God
that we shall remain on earth and live
our appointed lives there, 1t is essential
that mankind should feel the dread of
death. Without that dread the world
could hardly remain peopled. The
dread Of death is to the soul what the
law of gravity is to the body. 1t an
chors us to the earth. Without that
dread TO weigh us down and keep us to
the globe half mankind would be driv-
en- by curiosity, by the love Of change,
by the dread of ennui, by what Bacon
calls 'niceness and safety" to push
open the closed door and see what is
beyond. Children and few very hap
py and easily pleased people might
perhaps say they would not explore
farther and that they were perfectly
content with things as they are.-St.
James Gazette.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1907-09-14
SEATTLE FAKE IS RUDElY EXPOSED

fresh ostrich eggs are sold to the pa
latial hotels of California for their
breakfast menus at Sc each; when
they are discovered to be fertile,
which is at time too late for con-
sumption, they are worth no more
than the ostrich that appears from
each of them six weeks after they
are dropped by the pensive hen os-
trich; and that is S25.
And lastly, it is alleged by the
Washington Territory Munchausen
that ostrich feathers are worth $3.50
a pound. and that a pound and half
appear regularly from the back OF a
Seattle ostrich; nothing of the kind;
the African ostrich feathers sell for
from SO to $16o a pound and that
fixes the price OF ostrich feathers the
world over.
e H RYDALL.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1907-09-14

More men and women have gotten
positive results from the use OF
NewbrO's Herpicide than from all
other hair remedies combined.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1907-09-14

San Diego, Cal. Sept 12.-(Editor
East Oregonian. Reports are oom-
ing from the north of California that
ostrich farms are being started at Sc
attic. WASH, and Denver, Col. Cali
fornia ostrich farmers look upon these
districts as containing atmospheres
that are in winter time too cold for
the comfort or health of the struthio
camelus or true African ostrich; the
creature is a native OF the sundried
deserts of Africa and Arabia and its
importation to California and Arizona
was merely because these districts are
similar in many respects to the Holy
Land, Arabia Africa and other sun
scorched vicinities.
After 25 years endowed with the
presence of California ostriches the
state of California now contains less
than 500 and never had more; Arizo-
ma. however, in consequence of the
ante-mortem dream of dead capital
ist who 10 years ago endeavored to
control the monopoly by the posses
sion of all American ostriches, con-
tains nearly 5000.
But the climates OF Arizona have
proved too dry FOR the feather quail
ties of the ostrich, making the plumes
rigid and brittle; they are sold with
difficulty either to the New York
market, or sent to London to be
punched In with African stock.
In consequence OF the British ex
perience of nearly so years in the
production of domesticated ostriche'
and the vending of ostrich feathers
the term "ostrich farm" has come tc
have q standard OF meaning, and re
fers in Africa only to breeding
place. legitimate farm. not a me
naEerie.
Reports from the northern pres
giving absurd facts regarding th'
cost of the Seattle ostriches and 81
forth. indicate that unscrupulous per
sons and in the vicinity of the farm
A Spokane paper states the bird
cost $4,000 each and are the finest o
the kind; now large adult ostriches II
California can be purchased for $780,
pair. Why pay $4,000 per ostrici
when one can get them in California
at the rate named?
The allegation also is that ostricl
chicks cost $1,000 apiece; dozens o
them can be purchased for s25 each
and that ostrich eggs are worth s125
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1907-09-14
HIS GREATEST HIT.
The Batter Was Home All Right, but
the Run Didn't Count.

Talking of home plates, that re-
minds me- began Brick Morse, "of the
greatest hit ever made. 1t was back
at the recreation grounds in San Fran
cisco, final game of the series with
Stanford, score to 2 against us.
Remember the way. that angle OF
the fence came In at center field?
There was one Of those wooden drags
used to smooth off the infield. 1t had
been left tilted up against that corner
of the fence, supposedly out of the
way.
II missed the first ball up, let three
bad ones pass, had rotten high one
called on me, and 1t looked all Off TO-:
yours truly. The next one came easy
l just shut my eyes and swung with
all my might felt my hands sting
on the bat. went to first! Second
Three thousand people were up yelling
like maniacs. oh, you Brick! Home
run, home run! I tagged third and
went for the plate. Slide! You gotta
slider sounded in roar like an ex.
press train crossing a trestle. Some
thing struck me q terrible smash ON
the left side Of the head. Quit! yelled
the umpire. Hit by his own batte6
ballr Ny big hit had gone to the cen.
ter fence, struck the seat on that
smoother-seat was mounted on old
spiral bed sprlng-and the ball had re
bounded clear back to the platter
How near were you to home, Clin
tonT inquired listener.
"Oh, l was home all right. When
came to my fingers were touching the
corner of the
"Plate"
"Nope. The bureau. Francisco
Chronicle.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1907-09-14
New o. II. & n. Detective.

1; was not n complete surprise tc
The Dalles people when It was learn
ed yesterday afternoon that f. b
Wood had been chosen by the o. r
& n. company to succeed j. j. Fttz-
gerald as detective on the district
from Portland TO Huntington and
on the Washington division, but the
realization that Wasco county is tC
lose such an excellent deputy sheriff
is greatly to be regretted, says The
Dalles Chronicle. For some time
however. It has been feared that Mr.
Wood could not be retained with posi-
tions of greater Importance Offered
to him unsolicited.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1907-09-14
COMPLETING ADAMS HARVEST.
Cars Needed 10 Ship Immense Guam
tity of Wheat.

Adams, Sept. 14.-Harvesting is
about complete in the vicinity. OF
Adams, and much of the wheat that
has been stored in the warehouses
here has already been sold at prices
ranging from 5S to 73 cents. Thou
sands of bushels are stored here
waiting the arrival of cars so that
shipments may be made. Adams has
experienced one Of the best seasons
in wheat in the history Of the coun-
try.
Adams will BE represented at the
coming district fair in Pendleton.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1907-09-14
Odd Fellows Gathering.

st. Paul, Mimi, Sept 14.-Odd
Fellows from all parts of. the United
States. Canada and Mexico gathered
here today for the annual communi-
cation of the sovereign grand lodge,
which will be opened Monday. 1t is
estimated that by the first of the
week 100000 members of the frater-
nifty will be in the city.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1907-09-14

A passing stranger was attracted by
frightful screams coming from little
house not far from the road. Hur-
riedly tying his horse, he ran to the
house and found that little boy had
swallowed n quarter, and his mother,
not knowing what to do. had become
frantic. The stranger caught the little
fellow by his heels and, holding him
up, gave few shakes, whereupop the
quarter soon dropped to the floor.
swell, mister" said the grateful
mother, you cert'n'y knowed how to
get 1t out. Air you doctorT'
mo, madam" replied the stranger,
"I'm collector of internal revenue"
philadelphia Ledger.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1907-09-14

Furnished light housekeeping rooms
and lodging rooms one block from
Main street bridge. Apply at Bow
mans photo studio.