The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1907-07-26
Varieties.

rather shady" Slobbs-"What is it.''
Blobbs-"He's an awning maker"
You're guided too much BY others
opinions" said Mrs. Fogg to her lord;
''for my part, believe in having little
mind of my own" "And you've got it"
was the brutal remark of Fogg as he
put on his hat to go out
Did you sec, dear, at the party last
evening how grandly our daughter Clara
swept into the room?' Husband with
a grunD-"Oh, yes, Clara can sweep into
room, but when it comes to sweeping
out room she isn't there"
There" said the mother, don't
you feel bettcr?" And the little boy
whose trousers had just been patched
remarked as he sat down: II think Pm
on the mend"
-Blobbs-"Why does Stubbubs hate
his next door neighbor so?" Slobbs-
"The man built a high spite fence"
Blobbs-"Well, l must say that isn't an
easy thing to overlook"
NO." said an old and respected
deacon, 81 don't approve of boss racin',
but when another member of the churc CHI
becomes so goddess as to try to pass me
on the road comm home from meetin',
feel it my duty to let out a little on the
reins, just to keep him from putin his
trustin earthly things"
-She-"Imagine beach, man lying
on it. with hat on his foot and pot of
glue in his hand. Of which of Sousa's
marches are you reminded" Hc-"Pooh!
Man-hat-an(d) Beach, of course. Poor
joke, but where does the glue come in?''
She (meekly)-That's what sticks me"
"A horse dealer, selling nag, frequent
ly observed, with much earnestness, that
he was an honest horse. After the pur-
chase, the gentleman asked him what he
meant by an honest horse. "Why, I'll
tell you," replied the jockey, whenever
| rode him he threatened to throw ne;
and hang me if he ever deceived me-"
You are hypccrite," Kissed the
beautiful maiden. The man with the
black mustache recoiled. Explain your
SELF" he demanded "You told me your
love for me was undying," went on the
maiden, land the words were scarcely
out of your mouth when you went off
and dyed your mustache."
Ibid you tell the hired girl you
wouldn't put up with her work." asked
Mr.. Simmins at the dinner table Yes,
did," answered Mrs. Simniins. What
did she say?" "Shc said that there was
nothing keeping me here if didn't like
theplace."
"A recent English book on etiquette
says: Morning calls are usually made
between the hours of and f. A gentle
man should take his hat in the room
with him, holding it in his hand during
the visit-everythin else should be left
in the hail. well, we do not do that
in this country, thank goodness"
is that you, doctor?" YES; who is
it," Mrs. Meroney; o, doctor, what
shall do tor baby? He has swallowed
dime" well. you surely don't want
to spend So to get dime, doyou?" And
the telephone ceased to work.
Little boy, do you understand what
is meant by energy and enterprise" mo.
pa, don't think l do" 'Well, l will
tell you; one of the richest men came
here without a shirt to his back, and
now he has got millions" Millions! How
many does he put on at timer"
Say, mister. do you want your valise
carried?" asked street urchin, running
after a man going down 4th avenue
with valise in his hand. "No, don't"
answered the man with a SNAIL. IN
carry it to the depot for dime" persist
ed the boy. | don't want it carried,
tell you," said the man hurrying along.
Don't your" mo, don't" Well,
mister, what the dickens are you carrin'
it for? Why don't you set it down.
Mrs. McNamara-"Yis, Mrs. Com
miskey, I've been married now goin' on
twenty-three years, and Mac and | have
niver had serious quarrel" Mrs. c.
"WelI, thin. it's a happy woman you
ought to be, for many's the row Peter
and l have had, God be good to US all.
| Mrs McN--"Oh, for that matter, we've
had hard words time and again, and
maybe now and thin blow, but what
mean is niver had to call in the police ="
"A seafaring man was called upon the
stand as witness. well, sir" said
the lawyer, do you know the plaintiff
and the defendant" After a moments
hesitation Jack declared his inability to
comprehend the meaning of those two
words. what, not know the meaning
of plaintiff and defendant" continued
the energetic inquirer. An intelligent
fellow you must be to come here as a
witness! Can you tell me where on
board the vessel it was that that man
struck the other one" certainly lean
replied the sailor, ''it was aft the bin.
nacle" And pray" said the lawyer,
what do you mean by that?" "Well,
that's good" responded the sailor, you
must be pretty fellow to come here as
lawyer and don't know what aft the
binnacle means"