davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06

There is more Catarrh in this
section OF the country than all
other diseases put together, and I'M
til the last few years was supposed
to be incurable. For great many
years doctors pronounced it local
disease and prescribed local rene
dies, and by constantly failing to
cure with local treatment, pro
nounced it incurable. Science has
proven catarrh to be constitutional
disease and therefore requires con-
stitutional treatment. Halls Ca
tarrh Cure, manufactured by T. J..
Cheney & Co., Toledo, Ohio, is the
only constitutional cure on the mar
ket. 1t is taken internally in doses
from 10 drops to a teaspoonful. L:
acts directly on the blood and mu-
cous surfaces of the system. They
offer one hundred dollars for any
case it fails to cure. Send for cir
culars and testimonials.
Address: F. j. CHENEY & CO.,
Toledo, Ohio.
Sold by Druggists, 75c.
Take Halls Family Pills for con-
stipation.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06
Tennyson'a cynioism.

Sir We're dc We're ygas lie eldest son
of Sir Aubrey de We're, the sonneteev
and friend of Wordsworth His broth.
or, Aubrey de We're, was more than
well known, famous poet, and to
him in his youth Waller Savage Ian.
dor addressed tins celebration;
Make thy proud name sdH rr9udcr for
thy sons
lie had no SONS, however, never hay.
ing married. Neither had his brothers
We're and Stephen. Thus the name. as
a family name. disappears.
The De Neres We're early friends of
Tcnuyson's, and it was from them
that the poet took the name which he
made proyerbial and symbolical of a
class-''the caste of We're de yere.''
Lady de We're, the only Lady de We're
of fact then living. was inclined to
complain that her name should be be.
slowed upon the black hearted Lady
Clara of fiction.
Tennyson wrote dainty verses, but
was not master of dainty manners. He
growled: why should you care? But
OF course you don't. didn't make
your namcsake ugly, and didn't make
her stupid. only made her wicked"
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06
THE NEW YORK WORLD
TRRIcE-A- WEEK EDITION.
Read Wherever the English
Language Ia Spoken

The Thrice-a-Week World expects to
BIZ better paper in 1907 than ever be-
fore. In the course of the year tn.
issues for the next great Presidential
campaign will be forshsdowed, and
everybody will wish to keep Informed.
The Thrice Week World, coming to
YOU every other day, serves all the pur-
poses of daily, and is far cheaper.
The news service of this paper is con-
stantly being increased, and it reports
fully, accurately and promptly ever,
went of Importance anywhere in tn.
world Moreover, Its political news is
impartial, giving you facts, not opin
ions and wishes. 1t has full markets,
splendid cartoons and interesting iic-
ton by standard authors.
THE THRICE-A-WEEK WORLDS
regular subscription price is only S1.OO
per year, and this pays for 1856 papers
We effer this unequalled newspaper
and MANCHESTER DEMOCRAT
together for one year for 50 20.
The regulsr subscription price of the
two papers Ia $3.50. 18-tf
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06
Game Wardens Make Haul

State Game Wardens A. M,
Greene of Sioux City, Harry Bar
meir of Dubuque and II. Fl. Yordy
also of Dubuque, who it will be re-
membered, figured in the capture
of a large number of Italians for vi
olation of the game laws at Oneida
recently, made a great haul of illeg-
al fisherman and their paraphernal-
ia at Wapello last week. They ar
rested five parties and seized alarge
number of seines and nets, lnclud-
ing thirty-eight hoop nets, two
trammel nets 600 feet long, two
seines 900 feet long, and one seine
1000 feet long. The fisherman
plead guilty to counts ranging in
number from one to twenty-one, and
all had to pay fines. The state Of
iicials intend to see to it that the
fish and game laws are not disre-
garded, and offenders are given
their just deserts when caught.
--Dyersville News Letter.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06
A spuraeon Ruse,

Sturgeon, the famous English d.
vine, once passed stonemason who,
after each stroke of his hammer, ours
ed and swore. Mr.. Sturgeon laid his
hand on his shoulder and, looking kind,
ly at him, said: you are an adept at
swearing. Can you also pray?"
With another oath lie replied, mot
very likely"
Holding up 5 shilings, Mr.. Sturgeon
said If lie would promise never to pray
he would give him that.
THAT is easily earned" said the
man, with fresh oath, and put it in
his pocket When Sturgeon left the
man began to feel n little queer. When
he went home his wife asked him what
allied him, and he told her. st is Ju-
das' money" said the man, and on n
sudden impulse he threw it into the
fire. The wife found it and took it
out and discovered who had given it
to him. The man took it back to Spur
geon, who conversed long with him,
warning him, and at length was the
means Of saving him. He became an
attached member of his flock.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06

wit and humor are such elemental
fundamental things that it has al.
ways been found difficult to analyze
them. Upon some points, however
those who have essayed this puzzling
task agree, for they all hold that wit
Is an intellectual, humor an emotional
quality; that wit Is a perception Of re-
semblance and humor Il perception of
contrast, OF discrepancy, of incongru
ity. The incongruity is that which
arises between the ideal and the fact
between theory and practice, between
promise and performance, and perhaps
1t might be added that it is always or
almost always moral incongruity. In
the case both of wit and humor there
is also a pleasurable surprise, n gentle
shock which accompanies our percep-
lion of the hitherto unsupported re-
semblancc OF incongruity A New
England farmer was once describing
In the presence of very humane per.
son the great age and debility of q
horse that he formerly owned and
used. you ought to have killed him.
interrupted the humane person indig
nantly. "WcN," drawled the farmer
1--WE did-almost." -Atlantic.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06
A Strenuous Statesman.

In his Eclipse and O'Kelly" Theo-
dore Andrea Cook tells story of the
English statesman and sport Fox. lie
had wagercd something about waist
coat which could only be obtained in
Paris; went off to Dover by night,
caught the mail packet, posted to Par
Is and back to Calais, and remembered
he had horse racing at Newmarket
He chartered fishing boat bound for
the eastern counties, just got to New
market in time for the race. took the
post back to London and stopped oil
the way to dine. In the middle of the
port and dice after dinner he was
caught by a special messenger who had
been tearing over half of England III
search of him and reminded that he
had to move to bring in q marriage bill
In the house of commons. He rushed
to the stables, reached the house in
time to make brilliant speech in re
ply to North and Burke and defeated
North on division by single vote.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06
Who Could Pass?

To test the spelling capabilities OF
fifty applicants for junior clerkships
in the offices of the Sydney water nd
sewerage board they were called u On
to write from dictaion this paragrd !,
This cellbute was licentiate in mt !
cine and held other scholastic dip
mas. His characteristics were idios!
crasles personihed-one day tacituin,
the next garrulous. Today his facile
pen evolves sapient distich in piquant
satire of some literary genius; tomor-
row an encomiastic effusion on an II.
literate voluptuary. His studies on
concrete science We're exotic; his re.
searches In natural philosophy esoterlc
IL not chimerical." No less than forty.
three out Of the fifty candidates came
to grief in this artfully designed spell.
Ing obstacle race. At the next meet.
ing Of the board a member doubted
whether ten out of fifty Oxford NJ. g,
II suddenly called upon to write out
the same passage, would succeed in ne
gotiating every one of the big words
Observation-Disclosures Chronicle.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06

An English clergyman visiting in
this country told of jilting that had
happened in his parish. He said that
he had an appointment to marry a
couple at 4 on a certain afternoon. He
appeared duly, and the bride appeared,
but not the bridegroom. The clergy
man and the lady, silent and embar-
raised, waited in the quiet church
from 4 till G. Then they sadly depart
ed. A week later the same couple
wrote to the Clergyman again, APP
pointing another afternoon at 4 for
the ceremony. And again the clergy
man and the bride were on hand duly.
and again the groom failed to turn up.
AS the two waited time passed slowly
in the still and empty church. 1t
grew darker. Five o'clock sounded,
then G. And then the bride broke the
silence with a fierce ejaculation.
'Drat him." she cried. "'Tain't his
trousers this time, cause l bought
him pair"
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06
COMING YEAR FULL OF
INTEREST.

More history making events will
take place in Iowa in 1908 than ever
before in single year. A successor
to President Roosevelt is to be
chosen; 1owa's first statewide pri-
mary is to be held; a United States
senator, governor and new legisla-
ture are to be elected.
In this most interesting year. The
Register and Leader will be Iindis-
pensable to every Iowan who desires
to be we'll informed from day to day
The Register and Leader will pub
fish all the news, fairly and accurate
ly. With over three hundred cor
respondents in Iowa, it covers every
state happening of Interest. Ding
The Register and Leaders popular
cartoonist, will depict events as he
sees them.
Every new subscriber to The Reg
lister and Leader paying now for the
year 1903 will receive the paper free
for the remainder of the year. Daily,
except Sunday, to January 1, 1909,
$500; with Manchester Democrat
one year, both $40. Daily and
Sunday to January l, 1909, 5000;
with Manchester Democrat, both one
year, $3.50.
Hand in your subscription to the
publishers of the Manchester Demo.
crat, or send direct to
The Register and Leader Co.,
44wi Des MONIES, Iowa.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06
Twas In later Time.

The late Senator Plat of Connecticut
enjoyed funny stories and could tell q
good many himself. Notwithstanding
his long public life, he always remem-
bered yarn that he carried from his
school days.
One year when the district schools
opened in his town one of the teachers
In making Il record of the ages Of her
pupils, as required by law, found that
one little girl, who came from fami-
ly not noted for being especially
bright, was unable to say when her
birthday came.
So in order to complete her records
the teacher walked two miles to see
the girls mother one afternoon after
school. Asked If she could remember
Just when her daughter was born, the
woman thought for some little time
and then, with sort of puzzled look,
said:
"Well, the gal was born in later
time, that's sure, but can't member
whether they was a-plantin' ON 'em or
a-diggin' on 'em." Boston Herald.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06
The Old Buffalo DAYS.

There is on record at the war de.
partment, Washington, a document
bearing witness to how plentiful buf.
faloes We're within the memory of
many men now living. 1t is the ere.
turn" for several rounds Of cannon
ammunition expended in Kansas III
1861 to divert the course of a great
herd of buffalo that was bearing down
toward n camp Of soldiers with a
force that threatened to overwhelm it
at least one officer is alive who saw
these shots fired, and he describes the
herd as literally reaching rs far as the
eye cou!d see. 1t was long time in
passing the camp, whose occupants
watched 1t in silence, awed by the
spectacle. General Philip st. George
Cooke at once halted a regiment of
cavalry on the plains to permit great
herd of antelope to pass, and he was
not man easily halted when on duty.
His humanity impelled him to with
hold the regiment from managing and
manning the antelope, which were al.
lowed the right Of way.-Boston Tran
script.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06
Cured of Bright's Disease.

Mr.. Robert 0. Burke, Elnora, N
T., writes: Before / started tc
use Foley's Kidney Cure l had tc
get up from twelve to twenty times
a night, and | was all bloated up
with dropsy and my eyesight was
so impaired l could scarcely see one
Of my family across the room. /
had given up hope Of living, when q
friend recommended Foley's Kid.
ney Cure. One 80 cent bottle
worked wonders and before l had
taken the third bottle the dropsy
had gone as we'll as all other symp-
toms of Bright's disease. "-Anders
4 Philip.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06


There was n barber in an Indiana
city who, having been out late the
night before, had Il shaky hand the
next morning and cut n patrons cheek
four times" said the man who insist.
ed he saw the incident. "After each
accident the barber said as he spong-
ed away the blood, oh, dear me, how
careless" and laughed and let 1t go at
that
THE patron took all those gashes in
grave silence, but when the shave
was over he filed n glass at the water
cooler, took n mouthful of water and,
with compressed lips, proceeded to
shake his head from side to side and
to toss 1t up and down.
What is the matter?' the barber
asked. You amt got the toothache,
have you:'
"'No,' said the customer. 4 only
just wanted to see il my mouth would
still hold water without leaking, that
was ALL "-Philadelphia Record.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06
They Needed the Medicine.

Some years ago Il railway was be-
ing made i'll the west of Scotland. and
1t was arranged that each of the nu-
merous laborers employed should pay
penny per week to medical prac-
titioner, so that they might have his
services in the event of accident or
medicine in case of Illness.
During the summer and autumn nci-
their illness nor accident occurred.
But when severe winter followed
all at once the "navigators' began to
call on the doctor for castor oil.
Each brought his bottle, into which
an ounce was poured, until the oil was
exhausted, and the doctor was forced
TO send to town for further supply.
When that, too, was getting low the
doctor one day quietly asked healthy
looking fellow what was wrong with
the men that they required so much
castor oil.
Nothing wrong at all, DOCTOR" he re-
piled. "but We grease our boots with
it."-London Chronicle.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06
She Was an nEssy mark.n

Odd you intend to give me thisP'
asked n steward on one of the steam
ers of woman passenger who just
tipped him. This" was bright new
penny.
The woman, looking amazed and
embarrassed, said: NO. l didn't give
YOU that gave you $3.50 gold
piece, didn'tI?"
That's what Thought You meant To
give me. was sure you had made a
mistake" said the man. The woman,
with an apology, took the penny and
gave him gold piece. Then she went
back TO her statcroom to count her
money and TO try to understand.
1t came to her all right. She rcmem-
bered two years before on her home.
ward trip n fellow passenger had told
how the steward had come to her with
n new penny given him by mistake,
the steward said, and she had made ii
good.
1t was little late then-she haG
been an easy mark" and she knew il
and 1t wouldn't do bit of good to
object. She did tell the purser, who
promised to investigate. She knew,
too, what that meant.-New York Sun.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06
-
Tha Marble Bihle

In 1857 Mindon-min, king Of Bur.
ma, erected monument near Manda-
lay called the Kutho-daw. There he
built 700 temples, in each of which
there is slab of white MARBLE. Upon
these 700 slabs is engraved the whole
Of the Buddhist Bible, a vast literature
in itself, equal to about six copies Of
the Holy Scriptures. This marble 81
bic is engraved in the Pail language,
thought to be that spoken by Buddha
himself 500 B. c.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06
You can't be we'll if YOU have

You can't be well if you have a
weak, unhealthy, tired out stomach.
Neither can you feel good if by
some little irregularity in eating
you have caused the stomach to GET
out of order These little stomach
troubles are signs of indigestion,
which may and very often does turn
into 9 very bad case of dyspepsia
Don't allow this to go on single
day without doing something to
overcome it. Take some good re.
liable and safe digestant like
KODOL For Dyspepsia. KODOI
is tho best remedy known today fol
heart burn, belching and all troubles
arising from a disordered digestion
1t is pleasant to take and affords re.
lief promptly. Sold by all drug.
gists.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06
A Queer servian Belief.

To hatch chicken by holding an
egg for the allotted time in the left
armpit is believed in Servia to be a
certain charm against violent death
more especially If the bird be swal
lowed whole forty days after it comes
to life. A robber who had devastated
the district of Kolubara for many
years was, writes a Belgrade CORE
spondent, known to have accomplished
both these feats, which accounted for
the apathy of the peasants in pursuing
him, persuaded as they We're of his in.
vulnerability. He was finally, how
ever, killed by the mounted police,
thus dlscrediting time honored Ser.
Wan superstition.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06
Willis is Barking.

Edward Bulwer Lytton Dickens, the
youngest son of the novelist emigrat-
ed to Australia and died in Sydney at
the age of fifty-one. He represented a
constituency in the parliament Of New
South Wales for six years. Once when
he was addressing the house in sgd
ly interrupted by member named
Willis. AT last Mr.. Dickens stopped
to remark: Mr.. Speaker. my father
coined a famous phrase. 'Barkis is
willin'.' Under present circumstances
I am strongly tempted to reverse it
and say, Willis is barking" The
house laughed and the Interruptions
ceased.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06
Rates.
a Peripatetie Inxestment.

When the scallop is full grown it is
able to swim with great rapldity by
opening and closing the valves Of its
shell. This curious fact, says What to
Eat, was unknown to an unfortunate
Frenchman who undertook few years
ago to establish scallop plantation
on n quiet New England beach. He
deposited several thousand scallops in
shallow water, expecting them to
breed, but when he looked for them
the next day all of them had fed.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06

"Why do so many people insist OH
having nurses for their children?' ask
ed the motherly woman.
THAT is easily explained" answered
the unpleasant man. "a nurse en-
ables woman to send crying baby
out Of her own hearing and let it stay
on the sidewalk to annoy the neigh
bors." Star.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06
All at Once.

He came down to breakfast, and
nothing was ready, SO he rang the bell
Mrs. Perkins," he said when the
boarding house keeper appeared, "what
is the meaning of this? Why is break
fast not ready?'
We'll, Sir" replied Mrs. Perkins, 81
go. nice bit of fish for you, but I'm
sorry to say, sir, the cat
"Confound the cat! Then let me have
the cold chicken"
II regret to say, sir, the cat
"Well, then, some eggs"
"There are no eggs, sir: the cat
Hang it all, then cook the cat, and
We'll have 1t all at oncer-Londor
Mail.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06

Naturalists say that the feet of the
common working bee exhibit the curl
Gus combination of basket, brush
and pair of pinchers. The brush, the
hairs Of which are arranged in SYM
metrical rows, is seen only with high
grade microscope. With this brush of
fairy delicacy the bee brushes It's vel
vet robe to remove the pollen dust with
which 1t becomes loaded while suck
Ing up the nectar of flowers Another
delicate apparatus is the spoon shaped
appendage that receives the gleanings
that the bee wishes to carry to the
hive. Finally. by opening the brush
and the basket by means of neat lit
tie hinge, the two become a pair OF
pinchers. which render important serv-
Ice In constructing the cells for the
reception Of the honey.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06
Ground Flat.

A young man from country village
when sightseeing in Edinburgh was
greatly astonished on seeing mfr.
Smith, Tailor ground faD," inscribed
on n door and after a careful study Of
the plate exclaimed:
Great Scott, sic death! Shairly
he's been run over WI a steam rollerv'
London Graphic.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06
Retaliation,

A man who was Il guest at one Of
the summer resorts in West Virginia
tells Of a wedding ceremony he wit
messed in the town near by.
The minister was young and easily
embarrassed. 1t was the first wedding
he had ever undertaken. The prospec,
tive bride and groom We're both youn-
ger and still more easily embarrassed
than he.
When the minister had finished the
service and muttered few kindly but
hating words to the young couple he
had just united the bride looked at
him, blushing, but confident.
'Thank YER" she said clearly. cts
shore kind O. yer to congratulate us,
an as long rs you haven't ever been
married yit maybe we'll have chance
some day to retaliate." : Harper's
Weekly.
Pretty Hot.
"Under the equator, gentlemen" re-
marked an extensive traveller, sit is so
bot that the natives have to put hens
In Ice chests to prevent their laying
hard boiled eggs."-Iondon Mail.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06
Very Likely.

you're a queer looking thing to
want to fight with me-" said the young
bulldog contemptuously. You're not
In my class"
Perhaps not" replied the porcupine
quietly, "but l think l can give you
few points. "-Philadelphia Press.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06
Making THINGS Even,

Customer Ito watchmaker) = I told
you that my watch lost half an hour
every day, and now that you've re-
paired it 1t gains half an hour
Matchmaker Well, don't complain.
It's only working to catch up lost time.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06

Constipation, indigestion, drive
away appetite and make you weak
and sick. HOLSTERS Rocky Noun.
tain Tea restores the appetite. drives
away disease, builds up the system.
80 cents, Tea or Tablets. -Anders
& Philip.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06
His cleverness.

Don't be so lazy. There's plenty of
room at the top, and you're clever
enough to get there"
But" replied the lazy genius,
"think how clever it is of me to find a
place at the bottom, where there isn't
SO much room"
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06

We have secured the agency for
(Orino Laxative Fruit Syrup, the
Saew laxative that makes the liver
lively, purifies the breath. cures
heal ache and regulates the diges-
(tivs organs. Cures chronic consti-
patton. Ask US about it. -Anders
[R Philip.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06
Her Note Was Final.

The proprietor of large drug store
recently received this curt and naughty
note written in an angular feminine
hand: 81 do not want vasioline, but
glisserine. Is that plain enough? Il
persoom you can SPELL"
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06

jumping catsw yelled the victim in
the chair. you've cut off part of my
ear"
"Why, SO have" replied the barber
coolly, "but you must admit it looks
better than the other ones does"
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1907-11-06
An Exaetina Trainer

"Who won that long distar>
Ing match"
"Spriggins."
HE did? Who was hi .lner?'Sa
Ellis ten-months-old baby Chicago
Record. Herald. -