Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1907-11-28

| everybody OF by mistake. lou can
hardly imagine how this livened up
things There amt nobody less likely
to play lame duck than me, but there
was no lodging the hospitality. The
only idea prevailing was to be rid of
the money as soon as possible. The
effects showed right off. You could
hear one man telling the folks for
their own good that he was the Old
Missouri River, and when he felt like
swelling his banks 1t was time for
parties who couldn't swim TO hunt
the high ground, while the gentleman
| on the next corner let us know that he
was locomotive carrying 300 pounds
Of steam with the gauge still climbing
and the blower on. When he whistled
three times, he said, any intelligent
man would know that there was dam
ger around
"WeIl, sir, | put the Old Missouri
River TO bed that night, and he'd fat
! tened ont to very small streamlet in
deed, while the locomotive went lame
before supper aud had to be put in
the roundhouse by a couple of pushers.
| That's the way with fine ideas. Cold
| facts comes and puts crimp In them
Once | knew a small Teller | could
have stuck In my pocket and forgot
/ about, but when we went out and took
several prescriptions together on a day
] he spoke to me like this. Red says
he, put your little hand in mine, and
Wen go and take birdseye view of
the universe Astonishin' idea, wasn't
It? And him not weighing over hun
dred pound. Howsomever, he didn't
take any birdseye view of the uni
verse. He only become strikingly in
disposed.
"Well, to get back to Boise, you
never In all your life saw so many
men and brothers as Vas gathered
there that day. and old Aggy, he was
one Of the centers Of attraction. That
big voice and black beard was always
where the crowd was thickest and the
wet goods flowing the freest. Gentle
men, says he, let's lift up our voices
In melodyv That was one Of Ag's de-
lusions-he thought he could sing. So
four of 'em got on top of billiard
table and presented Rocked In the
Cradle OF the Deep to the company,
which made me feel glad that hadn't
been brought up that way. After Ag
had hip locked the last low note an
other song bird volunteered.
This was a little fat Dutchman.
with pale blue eyes and a mustache
like two streaks of darning cotton.
He had come to town to sell pair OF
beef steers, but got drawn into the
general hilarity, and now he didn't
care a cuss whether he, she or II ever
sold another steer. He got himself on
end and sung 'Leeb Fadderlont mox-
true eckstein' in style that made you
wonder that the human nose could
stand the strain.
Jaw, cheese THAR says a Teller
near the door. Come. get your steers
one Of ems just chased the barber up
telegraph poler
$50 then we all piled out into the
street to see the steers Sure enough
there was the barber sitting on the
crosspiece and the steer paving dirt
underneath.
"'He done made me come a fast
heat from de cohner' says the barber.
Il KEEP hollerin' "Nextr' but he amt
pay no 'tention-he make it next fur
me. shuah Yah, yah. yah! You gents
orter seen me start at de bottom an
slide all de way up dis yer TELEGRAPH
polev
"One of the bull whackers went out
to rope the steers, and Ag gave direc-
lions from the sidewalk He wasn't
very handy with a RATA, and that's a
fact, but the way Ag lit into him was
scandalous. When he'd missed about
six casts of his rope, Ag opened up on
him:
"'Put stamp on 1t and send 1t to
him by mall said Aggy in his sour
castle way. Address 1t, bay Steer,
middle of Main street, Boise, Ida. II
not delivered within ten days, return
to owner, who can use 1t to hang HIM
self" Blast my hide II l couldn't
stand here and throw a box car nearer
to the critter! Well, well, well! How
many left hands have you got, any-
how? Do 1t up In wad and heave 1t
at him for general results. He might
get tangled in it.
'It ratified the bull whacker, having
80 much attention drawn to him, and
he stepped on the rope and twisted
himself up in 1t and was flying light
generally.
Say says Ag. appealing to the
crowd. won't some kind friend who's
fond OF puzzles 90 down and help that
gentleman do himselfr
THAT made the whacker mad. He
was Is red In the face AZ lobster.
"'You come down and show what
you can do says he. You've got gas
enough for q balloon ascension, but
that may be all there IL to you
"tOh, I amt % much says Aggy,
hlthough I'm az good q man today as
ever was in my life, but have a 1T
tie friend here who can rope, down
and ride that critter from here to the
brick front In Ave minutes by the
watch. and II you've got twenty-five
dollar bill In your pocket or It's equiv
alent in dust you can observe the ex-
pertinent
"T'll go you, by goshr says the bull
whacker, slapping his hat on the
| ground and digging fol-. his pile.