davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20
The colored Brothers Reason.

Booker T. Washington told the sto,y
Of negro pastor who was having
some difficulty with his flock.
'1The old fellow came to me and
asked me to help him out" said Mr..
Washington. II went down to the lit
tie backwoods country church with
him one Sunday. incidentally took
occasion to inquire among the parish
toner's little and found that they had
not paid the old man his salary.
upon this basis Of information /
started In to admonish the members
Of the congregation. told them that
they should pay their pastor; that he
had to live; that he had to have his
salary.
"All in all, was making pretty
good speech. / had most Of the con-
gregation convinced. think.
"But there was one old fellow in
the back Of the church that was mum
bling during my talk. He would snick-
er little and duck his eyes below the
old soft hat he held up to his face. we
amt goin' to pay i'm any more salary
this year.
'The old fellow became so obstrep-
erous that demonstrated with him.
Brother, why are you not going to
pay your pastor any more salary this
year?' asked him.
"'Because we done paid him for
them same sermons last var was the
decisive response"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20
Handling Live Wires,

Never handle an electric wire Qest II
BIO "alive'D with the naked hand, but
use nonconducting substance as O
protector. Any good nonconducting
substance will supply protection.
Rubber-In form of gas stove tube
or water hose, could be thrown over q
wire to pull it from its connection with
live wire.
Porcelain-In form Of a bit of com.
mon crockery or floor tile, hand plate
for door, stone ink bottle.
Glass-A stout bottle, a glass rod or
q pane Of glass could be used to dis
lodge wire from its connection with
q trolley wire or other current feeder.
Wool-A wooden scarf, stocking, coat
or wrap.
Cotton-Any piece Of cotton garment
or stout cotton Irvine.
silk-Scarf or other garment.
Any Of these materials in goodly
thickness could be used to protect the
hand In removing live wire or even
using an instrument to cut it through.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20
Couldn't Stick Him Again.

A bishop, accosted in Fifth avenue,
New York, by neat but hungry stran-
ger, took the needy one to hotel and
shared a gorgeous dinner with him,
yet, having left his episcopal wallet in
the pocket Of a different episcopal jack
ct, suddenly faced the embarrassment
Of not possessing the wherewithal to
pony up. "Never mind" exclaimed his
guest; 81 have enjoyed dining with you,
and I shall be charmed to shoulder the
cost. Permit me-" Whereupon the
stranger paid for two. This worried
the prelate, who insisted, "Just let me
call a cab and We'll run up to my hotel,
where shall have the pleasure Of re-
imbursing you" But the stranger met
the suggestion with, "See here, old
man, you've stuck me for bully good
dinner, but hanged If I'm going to let
you stick me for car farev'
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20
SPOILED tho Encore,

The nobility and gentry of Little
Plowboro were recently gathered In
the village schoolroom to enjoy some
tableaux wants by local performers,
says Parsons Weekly.
The curtain had just fallen on a
really creditable picture Of the death
Of Nelson, shown to slow music, when
one man, who was known to be q
friend of the gentleman representing
the greatest naval hero, rose and tried
to make his way toward the stage.
keep your seats, please" said the
stage manager. "We're much obliged
for your kind applause, ladies and gen.
tlemen, and we're going to give you
the death Of Nelson over again."
"Oh, are yer?" came from the hero's
friend. 'Then If you'll tell Nelson is
kitchen chimney's aflre p'raps . won't
die so blessed lingerin'."
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20
H0 Settled IL.

An amusing story Is told at STRAIT
ford-on-Avon. In the smoking room
Of hotel there an Englishman and a
Scotchman engaged In a heated argu-
ment. John Bull was declaring Will
liam Shakespeare to be the only poet
Of the world, and Donald Mcpherson
was standing up for his Robert Burns.
Words ran high and blows seemed
imminent when self confident little
commercial traveller determined to
throw oil on the troubled waters.
Gentlemen" he said, stepping be-
tween the heated disputants, '1et me
settle this amicably. Who is this
Shakespeare-Burns ?" - London Tele.
graph.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20
He Had No Choice,

The wife Of dynamo tender went
to a haberdasher's to buy a necktie for
her husband. She selected brilliant
red one, ready made, whereupon the
young and inexperienced salesman,
With compassion for the future owner,
was moved to remark;
Excuse me, missus, is this tie for
your husband?"
1T Is" replied the woman.
Don't you think he'd rather have
some other color? I'm afraid he won't
wear this red tie."
"Oh, yes, he will!' said the woman
firmly. He'll have to-he's dead
London Answers,
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20
Grandfather's Portrait,

A villager, intensely conceited and
ignorant, but quite wealthy, was per.
suaded to have his grandfather's pic.
ture reprinted.
The artist, not having been decently
treated by the villager, drew the por.
trait almost in a nude form. Rolling
1t up, he told the man not to look at
it before the coming New Year. On
that day the villager ordered the pic.
ture to be hung up that he might pay
it his New Year respects. AS it was
being unrolled he frantically waved
his hands and shouted: swat! Wait!
The old gentleman is not ready, for he
Is not yet dressed" From the Chi.
neSp
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20
Rituninous Coal.

Shortly after the adoption of btu
minous coal as fuel in England a
royal proclamation was used forbid
ding It's use and authorizing the de-
struction of the furnaces of the users,
who were characterized as evil doors.
Scarcity of fuel, It seems, shortly COM
PEELED the resumption Of its use. In
the reign of Elizabeth bituminous
coal was again prohibited during SEES
sions of parliament lest the health of
the members suffer thereby. London
Telegraph.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20
The Nearest Approach.

An English tourist visited Arran
and being keen disciple of Izaak Wal.
ton was arranging to have days
good sport. Being told that the cleg,
or horsefly, would suit his purpose ad-
mirably for lure, he addressed him.
self to Christy, the highland servant
girl, 81 say, my girl, can you get me
some horseflies?'
Christy looked stupid, and he repeat
ed his question. Finding that she did
not yet comprehend him, he exclaimed
"Why, girl, did you never see a
horsefy?"
''Naa, sir" said the girl, "but a
wanse saw coo Jump over preshi'
pice."
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20
The North of His Money,

Not seldom in highland districts the
attendance at church during unpropi-
tious weather is but scanty. One min.
lister, finding himself on boisterous
Sunday confronted with but one soil
tary auditor, who happened to be q
gruff, outspoken character, took him
into his confidence, with a view to
propitiate him. ''Will go on with the
sermon, John?'' John answered gruff-
ly, "Of course" Getting into the pull
pit and leaning over it, he asked, ''Will
I give you the Gaelic sermon or the
English one?" "Gie's bath. Ye're
weel paid for IT," said John, more
gruffly still.-Dundee Advertiser.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20
a Wise Little MiIlinsr.

III had insisted" said the milliner,
81 could have sold her hat that cost
$40 more, but was afraid that If she
took 1t should lose her trade. knew
her husband wouldn't like it. It isn't
the expense he would object to. but
the hat. She is countrywoman, and
he is countryman. Countrymen do
not like New York hats-that is, hats
of the exaggerated type. l never yet
sold an extreme style to an out OF town
woman without losing her custom.
The men at home always said, We'll,
II that's the best you can do in New
York-come back with q scarecrow
thing like that-you'd better buy your
hats nearer home And thereafter that
is just what the women do. That Is
why | now sell nothing but modest
looking hats to country customers.
can't afford to antagonize their hus-
bands. New York Times.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20
Tho Irish Priest,

Stephen Gwynn has said some
where excellently that the Irish priest
possesses the secret of Irish life. He
does, and SO entirely is the key to it
IN his possession that I doubt II any
genius, however great, could give an
adequate rendering of Irish life with
out introducing the riest.-Katherine
lyman In Fortnightly Review.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20

young man" said the serious gen
tleman. "did you ever pause and think
that each tick Of the clock brings you
another moment nearer to the end Of
your existenceY'
II was thinking Of something of that
kind this very minute" cheerfully re-
piled the youth, "only the idea struck
me that each tick brought pay day that
much nearer"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20
Tho Richeat.

That country is the richest which
nourishes the greatest number Of no.
BILE and happy human beings; that
man is The richest who, having per-
fected the functions of his own life to
the utmost, has also the widest help
full influence, both personal and by
means of his possessions, over the lives
Of others.-John Ruskin.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20
"The Smallpox Devil"

The natives of the west coast Of Su-
matra object to being vaccinated. They
still make offerings to the smallpox
devil. The heart and liver Of fowls
and bufaloes are mixed with yellow
rice and other Ingredients, placed in
the model of full rugged ship. carried
In procession and finally launched into
the sea.-Singapore Free Press.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20
A Diseouraoer.

Miss Kreech-Some authorities be-
1--we that the practice Of singing will
Keep a person from getting consump-
uon. MI. Knox-Yes, but most author
i1es believe in "the greatest good to
the greatest number" - Philadelphia
Press.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20
A PHILOSOPHER,

Frances Willard once wrote to a.
friend who had just lost daughter:
"Dear Sister Anna, how much richer
are you than I! Here sit alone with.
out child to die, while you are mother
to an angel"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20
Crowded Out.

II am thirty-flve years DID," an
nounced woman Of f1fty-six at q tea
last week
"And I am twenty-six," said the wo-
man Of forty-fve. Then, turning to a
girl of seventeen who stood near by,
she asked, "How old are you, EthelY
"Oh," replied Ethel, according to
present reckoning, I'm not born yetv'
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20
Proof.

Skrappy-When I married you had
no idea you were such a fool. Mrs.
Skrappy-The very fact Of my con-
senttng to be your wife should have re-
moved any doubts you had on that
point.-Illustrated Bits.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20
NATURE TELLS YOU.
As Many a Bemidji Reader Knows Too
Well.

No "osy OVluhuJt nCouVi NilOVS SUO
Well.
When the kidneys are sick,
Nature tells you all about it.
The urine is natures calendar.
Infrequent or too frequent action;
Any urinary trouble tells of kid
ney ills.
Doan's Kidney Pills cure all kid
ney ills.
Bemidji people testify to this.
Mrs. Anna A. Buell., living at 613
Second ST., Bemidji, Mimi, says:
"I.haye suffered from kidney trouble
for several years not serious at any
time, but dull pains in the small of
my back caused me much discom-
fort. The secretations were very
unnatural in appearance and plainly
showed that my kidneys were not
acting properly. I made up my
mind !. to try Doan's Kidney Pills
and procured box at the Owl
Drug Store. I received such bene-
fetal results from their use that l
procured "a further, supply. and I
am now in. the very best oflhealth.
Doan's Kidney Pills strengthened
my back and kidneys and toned up
my whole system"
For sale by all dealers. Price so
cents. Foster Milburn Co., Buffalo,
New York, sole agents for thel United
States. Remember the name
Doan's and take no other.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20
The Deadheads,

what started the riot at the per-
Torrance of Hamlet last night?"
Ham held the skull and said, Alas,
poor Yorick, you are not the only dead
head In the house," Pearson's
Weekly.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20
With a littla Aaln.

your customs are enough to make
any civilized man boilv' exclaimed the
missionary Indignantly.
with the help Of little dry wood, !"
assented the cannibals gravely.-Puck.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20
Tho Lovely liz

Mrs. Proud-What did you think of
Myrtle's essay on '"The Lovely Life?"
Mr.. Proud Excellent. No one would
think that Myrtle drinks eau de cologne
and slaps her little brother. would
they, dear?-C Chicago News.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20
Tho Hat Scala.

A fifty dollar hat is conceit.
A thirty dollar hat is CONNECTION.
A two dollar hat rs sin and shame
and perfect justification for going
home to mother. Pittsburg Post.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20
Prsoeeupisd.

The professor had fallen downstairs,
and AZ he thoughtfully picked himself
up he remarked, ~ wonder what noise
that was I just heard Y'-New Orleans
Times Democrat.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20

The average amount Of rainfall be-
low the equator is twenty-six inches,
while north Of the line It II thirty.
seven and one-half inches.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20
A Puzzler.

a PuzxIer.
An old white haired darky living on
a plantation, not feeling well, had the
doctor pay him a visit. The doctor
told him as he was getting old he
must eat plenty of chicken and stay
out of damp night air. "But, sab. -
said the old darby, "how can you ex-
pect me to stay in de house at night
and still get my chickensY'
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20
His Order.

"Pop," asked the walters little boy,
''what does apple pie order mean?''
"Huh," exclaimed the waiter. shat
sounds like Boston mans break
fast.''-Philadelphia Press.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20
RAILWAY POSITIONS

GUARANTEED-We want 200 able-bodied
young men to take short course of instruc-
school and for whom we will secure positions
as telegraph oper ators and agents as soon as
course Is completed. Easy to learn. Good
salary. Write for free Caialog. THOMPSON'S
RAILWAY COLLEGE. Minneapolis. MINI.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20
Apprentices Examinat,o

Apprentice Examination.
Preliminaries for membership IN the
Ananias club: "You may not believe
1t, but" "Now, leaving all joking
aside" Seriously now;" 1T may
seem strange, ut.'-Chicago Post.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20

PILES CURED IN 6 TO II DAYS
PAZO OINTMENT is guaranteed to cure any
case of Itching. Blind, Bleeding or Protruding
Piles in to IA days or money refunded. 5cO
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20

She Murders Il.
! How long IL the life Of tho average
- called popular songT
) TIL the girl who lives next door to
@ Eo1 hold Of it."-Houston Post.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20

How mankind defers from day %
~ the best It can do without thinking
hst lot time 10 hst ststnity -NuIlSp.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20
Her Wa,

Her Way.
There's young woman who makes
little things count"
GLOW does she do it2''
Teaches arithmetic IN primary
school"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-20
Exactly,

IT can tell you," said he, chow much
water runs over Niagara falls to Z
quart"
"How much?' asked she.
1.-TWO pints."
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1907-05-18

In IURITANIA Is not In England
X or the quarrel between Duke
IsS---=77i Michael and myself could not
es-=sJ have gone on. with the re-
markable incidents which marked It.
without more public notice being d.
rected 90 H. Duels were frequent
among all the upper classes, and pri-
waite quarrels between great men kept
the old habit of spreading 20 their
friends and dependents. Nevertheless,
after the ARRAY which have just re-
lated such reports began TO circulate
that I felt il necessary 70 be on my
guard
The death OF the gentlemen involved
could not be hidden from their rela-
tives. / issued stern order declaring
shat duellng had attained unprecedent-
ed license Cthe chancellor drew up the
document FOR me. and very well he did
it,, and forbidding IL save IN the
gravest cases. l sent public and
stately apology TO Michael, and he re-
turned a deferentlal and courteous re-
ply TO me. for our one point OF union
was-and 1t underlay all our differ
ences and induced an unwilling har-
mony between our Gctions-that we
could neither Of us afford 10 throw our
cards on the table. He. as well as /,
was a play actor" and, hating one
another. we combined to dupe public
opinion Unfortunately, however. the
necessity for concealment involved the
necessity OF delay. The king might
die in his prison or even be spirited
or somewhere else. II could not be
helped. For a little while / was com
PEELED 10 observe truce, and my only
consolation was that Flavia most
warmly approved Of my edict against
dueling, and when l expressed delight
at having won he- favor prayed me, II
her favor were any motive to me, to
prohibit the practice altogether.
wait till we are married." said L.
smiling
Not the least peculiar result OF the
truce and OF the secrecy which dictated
it was that the town OF Zenda became
in the daytimc-I would not have trust
ed far TO its protection by night-a sort
of neutral zone, where both parties
could safely go, and /, riding down one
day with Flavia and Sapt, had an en-
counter with an acquaintance which
presented ludicrous side, but was at
the same time embarrassing. As rode
along / met dignihed looking person
driving in a two horsed carriage. He
stopped his horses, got out and APP
preached me. bowling low. 1 recognized
the head OF the Strelsau police
Your majesty's ordinance as to du-
cling is receiving our best attention"
he assured me.
II the best attention involved his
presence in Zenda, / resolved at once
TO dispense with IL.
as that what brings you 70 Zenda,
prefectT" / asked.
why. no. sire. J am here because I
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1907-05-18

we heard our men coming up with a
shout.
''The devil. but it's dark cried a
ringing voice.
II was young Rupert. A moment
later shots rang ont. Our people had
met them. started forward at a run.
Sapt and Fritz following me.
Thrust. thrustr' cried Rupert again,
and a loud groan following told that
he himself was not behindhand.
I'm done, Rupert cried a voice.
They're three TO one. Save yourselfF'
ran on. holding my cudgei In my
hand. Suddenly a horse came toward
me. A man was on il. leaning over the
shoulder.
Are you cooked, too. Krafsteln7- he
cried.
There was no answer
sprang TO the horses head. II was
Rupert Hentzau.
AT lastr' 7 cried.
For we seemed 90 have him he had
only his sword in his hand. My men
were hot upon him. Sapt and Fritz
were running up. I had outstripped
them, but n they got close enough 90
IRE he must die OF surrender.
AT lastr' I cried.
ats the play actor," cried he. slash
Ing at my cudgeL He cut II clean In
two. and judging discretion better
shan death. 1 ducked my head and
q blush 20 tell scampered for my
life The devil was In Rupert Hent-
Eau. for he put spurs 20 his horse. and
I. turning 20 look. saw him ride full
Callop 20 the edge OF the moat and
leap IN. while the shots Of our party
fell thick round him like hail with
one CLEAN OF moonlight we should
have riddled him with balls. but In tho
darkness he won 70 the corner OF the
castle and vanished from our sight
1.-The deuce take himw grinned Sapt
"Its g pity" said T. "that he's a viii
lain. Whom have we gotg"
We had Lauengram and Rrafsteln.
They lay stG and dead. and conceal
ment being no longer possible, we
flung them. with Max. into the moat
and. drawing together I'm a compact
body. rode or down the hill And in
our midst went the bodies Of four gal
liant gentlemen Thus we Travelled
home, heavy at heart for the death OF
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1907-05-18

IL n uA ana had talked with Ru-
If@F pert Hentzau, OF course all
49, pretease of illness was at an
end. l marked the effect on the garri-
son OF Zenda. They ceased TO be seen
abroad, and any Of my men who went
near the castle reported that the ut
most vigilance prevailed there. Touch
ed as I was by Nine. de Mauban's ap-
peal, / seemed as pOwerless TO befriend
her as 1 had proved TO help the king.
Michael babe me defiance, and. al
though he. too, had been seen outside
the walls, with more disregard for ap-
pearances than be had hitherto shown,
he did not take the trouble to send any
excuse for his failure to wait ON the
king.
Time ran on in inactivity when every
moment was pressing. for not only
was l faced with the new danger
which the stir about my own disap-
pearance brought on me, but great
murmurs had arisen in Strelsau at my
continued absence from the city. They
had been greater but for the knowl-
edge that Flavia was with me. and
for this reason l suffered her to stay.
though hated 10 have her where dan
ger was and though every day OF our
present sweet intercourse strained nv
endurance almost TO breaking. AS a
onal blow nothing would content my
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1907-05-18

our friends. sore uneasy concerning
the king and cut 90 the quick that
young Rupert had played yet another
winning hand with us.
For my own part I was vexed and
angry that I had killed no man In
open fight. but only stabbed a lnave in
his sleep. And 7 did not love 10 hear
Rupert call nae a play actor.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1907-05-18

s had ridden publicly in Zen
da and had talked with Ru-
81 pert Hentzau. OF course all
~ prctease of Illness was at an
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1907-05-18

1URITANIA IS not In England
: or the quarrel between Duke
~ Michael and myself could not
- have gone on. with the 70
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1907-07-31
NEW PNEUMATIC CHURN
LEAVES NO BUTTERMIlK
Wisconsin Company Formed to Make
Invention Which Will Revolution
izc Oairying.

Fond du Lac. Wis, July 31.-A COM
pany was organized here yesterday TO
manufacture a churn, which is expect
ed to revolutionize the dairy business.
By means of hollow dasher, in which
an air pump is located, air is constant
ly forced through the cream as it is
being churned and all the solid matter
converted into butter, leaving no but
that the new process will produce from
80 to 100 per cent more butter from
the same amount of cream than the oil
process does.