Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-07-07
ANSWERS TO
CORRESPONDENTS

a proper nature submitted to The star Inauirers
snonid write on one side only and address their let
e,s thcle Jasper, Star Office. In OF Am.
cult conundrums answers may be delayed for a
tor ali Questioners 10 watch this column carefully
kERo.-what is John d. Rockefellcr's
favorite ballad? Ave have no official ad-
vices on the subject. but from his recent
performance we take 1t to be that delight
full ditty entitled Il don't belong TO the reg.
ulars: I'm only a volunteer"
oh, the sun beams down our hot and humid
While the talcum powder traffic Blooms apace;
lhe damp and dizzy dame rips the lining from
And heated hubby swabs the tr,cklets from hi,
n. B.-There's no part.-ular appropriate.
ness about this, but We happened to have II
In stock and our intellect is not IN shape to
stand any additional strain.
NJ. T. R.-Uncle Jasper. please tell me II
Vice President Fairbanks was in favor OF
denatured alcohol. Ave are not sura
about the past but since that cocktail din
ner of his were willing to bet lis the only
kind he favors now. Yes?
B 7. Q.-Uncle Jasper. isn't Il true that
modern construction of steam and electric
railroads has reduced the element OF danger
to minimum? A.-Undoubtedly. We have
recently had called to our attention one OF
the most striking examples OF a highly de-
veloped operating system. 1t has been In
operation on the Washington, Arlington and
Falls Church railroad and is known the
finger block" 1t works beautifully. Only
one or two were killed In the last wreck on
that road.
Goodness me- said Mr.. Loeb,
Why. really, do you know,
/ only have TO say thing
10 prove IL isn't
x O-Uncle Jasper what In the world
will happen IL the plans of the Navy De-
partment don't work out right? Just sup
pose the Japanese should send fleet to the
Pacific before our battleships get there?
A.-Perfectly simple. my child. perfectly
simple. It's ten-to-one shot that Harry
Orchard and a raft loaded with nervous
powder would solve the problem beautifully.
There a young man from Peru
Who kicked with a number 10 shoe.
He out in the rain with transparent pain.
Crying, Come on. my good people look through
PEDANTIC-Uncle Jasper. is It not
conceivable that Marshal Collins dilatori-
ness in the deliberative discharge of his
proportional municipal assumptions is due
more to the caloric qualities of imperfect
cerebral amalgamation than to conscious
transgressions of the fundamental and
basic gradations of elemental justice?
A.-Sure. You're on. Spring that on him
the next time you're pfnched up the pike
and watch Collins faint twice in the same
place and the speed limit bite Itself
the leg. AS Aristotle has remarked, Col
linsuem garretoria cussum.
where you going. my pretty naidr'
heard masher say
'Sir." said the maid. as she scanned the sky,
I'm going the milky way.
U. K. T.-Uncle Jasper. do you believe
in spirtualism? ADO we believe in
spiritualism? Do we? Well we should
say yes The last time We attended
seance the medium materialiZed Eliza
crossing the ice and a bloodhound bit us
between the mezzanine floor and the front
gate. And that's materializing some!
JONES OF HYATTSvILLE-Unc
Jasper, the other day friend of mine
remarked that he had just had a Ken
lucky breakfast. consisting of a big drink
of whisky, three-pound beefsteak and
setter dog. What in the world was the
dog for? A-To eat the steak. Jones
Mercy, but it's dull In Hyattsvlle.-
LIP. I-Uncle Jasper, did you see that
dispatch in the newspapers the other day
saving that a young man in Pittsburg had
dropped dead of JOY after receiving ar
inheritance of $50. 900? Do you believe IT.
A-With modification. we do. Twas. We
opine. the printers mistake. The dispatch
probably should have read "joy water.
That's the modish death, in Smokeville.
Crackers cannOns and noise
Patriotism. powder and punk;
Four thousand youthful patients.