Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1907-08-23
DRIFTwOOD
BY UUE F.. VERNON
sNN -X-A A,EI n 4 n y

What has become of " bloody
bride Waite. of Colorado?
The blow that almost killed Teddy
the acquittal of Haywood.
Whiskey may have gone up a little,
but it has gone down q good deal,
too.
The girl that runs away from home
to get married, will most likely walk
home.
About the cnly thing a newspaper
man enjoys giving Il free puff is q
good cigar.
Nobody, so far. has sent Teddy &
picture post card of the court house
at Boise, Idaho.
Teddy should revamp one of his
notices to read: Tote a big pistol,
and talk softly"
The realization that virtue is its
own reward is about as tiattering as
a bear sucking his paw.
The board of health should inspect
printing offices. They always have
dead m"ttcr lying around.
| have noticed that men who are
bald always Sneer at the man who
parts his hair in the middle.
When entering q theater, women
should check their hats, men theiI
thirst, and both their conversation.
Somewhere, it may be, there is &
good cantalope, but, honestly, die
you ever see a comfortable hammock
He called his sweetheart love and pet
When he was out to get her.
But later ON he let them drop,
For then he knew her better.
The poor tOwn-cOw is housed up as
if she were convict, yet children are
left to run at large without collars on
them.
The crops will never burst the ele
vatOrs and warehouses nor stall the
freight trains with the weather that
is past.
After a lemon deal in politics, q
man feels like dog who has spent
the whole afternoon in trying to
catch his tail.
The Haywood jury, by verdict ol
not guilty, handed Teddy and his
undesirable citizenship" full box
of choice lemons.
Taft will never be President ol
the United States. The Presidential
chair in the White House is too small
for him to sit in.
A "Chair of Poultry" has been
added to the Missouri State Uni.
versity, but only the ROSTERS are al
lowed to sit in it.
When a chronic bore wants to tell
you story, cut him short with the
remark, Why, l have heard it be-
fore, and walk on.
If women were as careful of their
characters as they are of their com.
plexiOns there would be fewer grass
widows in the world.
1 wonder if the strict observance
of Sunday is the work of true religion,
or merely mode of revenge on sim
ners by the amen-cOrner fellows.
Ifa dog would only put the energy
that he devotts to wagging his tail
into turning the ice-cream freezer,
only think how useful he might be!
You cannot win fight with mouth.
work. The walls are not going tc
fall down at the blast of q trumpet
no matter how big horn you blow.
When New Orleans holds that ex
position to celebrate the completion
of the Panama Canal, may not the
canal be one of the uncOmpleted eX-
hibitS?
A Chicago man was relieved of 9
diamond stud. gold watch and $16 al
the point of a gun. All these things
at the point of gun must have been
a sight.
From reports, you can be robbed
just as delightful at The Meadows
trace track as you could while gazing
at the totem-pole on Second avenue
Seattle.
Honesty is becoming a contag
ion," declares the Rev. DR.. Hills
When it kills somebody will take ;
whole nickel's worth of stock in thai
opinion.
Some Judge or somebody else ha:
decided that an oyster is wild ami
NAL. The next thing you know some
learned fool will decide that an onior
is a polecat.
One way to get rid Of a mosquito il
to firmly slap him in the face, q
the same time exclaiming haughtily
THAT for you, sir" or madame,
as the case may be.
A man fell in a fit in Seattle. Th'
cause-a groceryman gave him thre'
small potatoes and two green onion.
for a half-dollar. The gentleman i!
now in the hospital.
Kansas is not making any move
this year, to elongate the shirt il
order to consume the surplus cottol
crop. She will probably put her high
priced wheat in ruffles.
A Milwaukee bank clerk has beer
arrested at q summer hotel for being
$40, 900 short in his accounts. If HI
was paying the regular rates most o
the money ought to be easily located
Here's to the skeeter,
The human blood-eater,
Whose drill is as long as his legs,
He hovers and huns,
Then finally comes
And sucks all our juice but the dregs,
You can't buy handkerchief or
collar, a corkscrew or q fishing-lin'
these days without the Chesterfield
clerk remarking, This kind of good
is advancing in price" Such pros
perity is becoming burdensOme.