The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1907-03-17

Asked why he sold it: he replied ITO
buy something 10 put In it.
The Irishman is n philosopher. even In
calamity Young Thady Driscoll tried to
play q trick on mule by placing burr
under the animals tail; the mule Flgor-
ously protested with his heels. Tney
picked young Thady mp, and after while
he came back TO consciousness. slowly he
opened his eyes and family asked: "fa-
ther is my face spoied| The father re-
piled: My boy. you'n never he as good
looking as YOU were. but you'll know
blamed sight more"
beeen concealed by a heap Of rubbish.
The foreman OF the gang apologiZed 70
Pat for not telling him about it. Oh
never mind said Pat, Il have found II
Matt Mooney was hard up" so he went
to his neighbor. Barney Bodkin. to hor-
row some money. Have you got enough
a guinea?" "Oh, yes. l have the faith,
Matt, but haven't the guinea"
Repartee is as natural 10 Erin sons as
swimming is 10 q duck. \ genueman
wished TO show his appreciation of his
servants honesty. He called him into the
dining room. took down the decanter and
poured out glass of whiskey. which Fat
tossed off with a, right good will. The
master. however Wishing TO impress up-
on him the evil Of the bottle, said Pat.
nail in vour coffin." "Wen bedad. your
| Honor. IL that is So you might as we'll
| drive in another nail as long as you have
| the hammer In your hand.
Mrs. GilhOoly was treating a well-kno"n
clergyman: she poured out very small
measure OF whisley and observing The di-
| vine look aSkance al the glass, she has
tened to assure him that il was the very
best being seven years old. "Oh. ma am
| observed his reverence, 'lsn I II blamed
| small for its age?
a member Of Parliament once said OF Il
fellow-member that his face was Ike a
boiled carrot Jackass was nuhcning az. az.
He was called upon TO apologize which ne
did in this manner The henoranle
members face is not Ike a boiled carrot
a jaCkass is munching at,
The fair SEX and by the way, they are
| fair, are no, behind in contributing their
| share nf the FUN and philosophy which
| have wrealhed the brow of Erin with i'm
mortal garlauds
Peggy Nluldoon was charged with steal
ing q Shawl. The Judge asked her II she
was guilty How can | tell. your Honor,
until hear the evidence against me
a shopkeeper purchased quantity OF
butter in single pounds from Mary Mori-
ariIy and found that each pound WAS
light, for which he took her to task,
That's your own fault" was Mary's re-
ply, "for it was with n pound OF your
own soap 1 weighed tnem.'
Maggie Maloney, was hne COOK IN
ter her circumstances by coming 10 New
York. Before leaving home she got an
eXcellen. certificate OF character from ner
mistress. but unfortunately, she Iost inns
paper on the voyage coming over When
She learned OF her loss on arriving al FL
lis Island her grief was nitiful. ;.
| what shall | do. What shall | do
without my character" she moaned In an
abandonment OF despair \ fellow pas
sencer Kate Kearney, came to her rescue
nv writing her n new character" as fol
lows: This is TO certify that Maggie
Maloney had a good character in Ireland
but she lost IL on shipboard coming over
signed Kate kearney.
Perhaps the fun and lightheartedness
Of The Irish race is heaven sent attri-
bute 10 offset the prosecutions TO which
thcy have been subjected so long. y less
nntimIstlc or cheerful people would have