The daily sentinel., 1907-12-28
VANITY, VANITY"
ALL Is VANITY
DEAR OLD new YORK
Is Now Counting up the Cost Of Christmas
Some Sparkling Stories About Mark
Twain and Others.
Especial to The seutinel.)

New York. Dec. 2s.-"Vanity,
vanity. all is vanityi"
Some such original remark the
philosopher is like to make who
spends Christmas in the metropolis.
Most OF us, truth to tell. are glad
that the glorious festival is over, and
are now taking stock of our flnan-
cial remains. We have remembered
not alone our immediate relatives,
but the 1anitor and the Office boy and
the elevator man and the stenogra-
pher and the clerk and the land lady
and the scrubwoman and the walters.
and the result, as set forth In our
bank books, is not particularly pleas
Ing.
The result. too, is physical and
mental, as well as financial. Fol-
lowing his Christmas debauch. the
average New Yorker Is fatigued to
the point of nervous prostration.
New York takes its holidays very ser
lously. Philosophic calm is foreign
to the metropolitan point OF view.
The quiet Joys of home life are un-
known to him. He must have act
ion and he gets it-at the expense of
health.
Just now New York is resting
If the feverish quiet of utter exhaus-
ton may be called rest. Next week
our enthusiasm will break forth
afresh. We will welcome the new
year with blare of trumpets ana a
night and day of unrestrainej mer-
riment and dissipation. IL the ar
irving infant year is possessed of a
sense of humor, 1t will doubtless ex-
claim, What fools these mortals
be.
Meanwhile the cartoonists on the
various New York papers and period
icals are very busy. The year 1907
which they welcomed so joyously not
long ago as a newborn babe of in
nocent mieh has now grown whiskers
and become feeble and old and use
less-a subject of heartless jest and
1ibe. Newspaper artists have short
memories and are wholly devoid of
the spirit of reverence. Otherwise,
they would not be newspaper ar
lists.
Tom Speaks His Mind.
Imagine a thousand barnyards
combined into one at 8 o'clock in
the morning. II you can accomplish
this you will have a faint but In
adequate conception of the medley
of sound that would have greeted
your ears at the Madison Square
Garden poultry and cat show last
week. Now the big garden has been
transformed into an automobile show
but the noisy growing of a thousand
cocks still fingers in the ears oi
New Workers.
Not being a mathematician, nor in.
terested in dry statistics, am un-
able to say how many hens, roost
ers. turkeys, geese, chicks, pigeons
rabbits and cats were cooped up II
the garden. Certainly, the exhlb'
1t comprised n considerable proper
tion of the prize-winning poultry ant
felines of the east.
Personally, I was but mildly inter
ested IN the poultry. To my mind
poultry can be exhibited to the best
advantage only on the dining table
with legs turned heavenward, nice
ly Drowned and stuffed.
The felines were more Interesting
although most of them were evident
ly very bored and very tired. Theii
attitude gave rise in my mind tt
the project of securing an interview
on the show from the standpoint oi
the cat. Most of them were uncommu
nicative, and responded to my ques
tions only with gruff moLosyllables
(Yes, gentle reader, | understand tht
feline language, although i have
kept my ability secret heretofore
fearing to be classed as mature
fakir.")
One artistic Tom, who sat proud
ly in silklined cage, bordered will
ribbons. and had dry nurse. val
ct and a lady in waiting to attend tt
his wants. condescended to express
his opinion. Candidly, 1t was moi
highly flatterlng to the mere human:
who surrounded the cage, staring i'm
politely and commenting openly or
Toms faults and virtues.
"I'll tell you what I'd like to do.
remarked Tom. waxing confidential
as he perceived that l might be de
pended upon to quote him correctly
I'D like to put all these fussy wo'
men and staring men into cages, Civ
ing each little dish of brealsfas.
food and can of stale water. and
then I'd hold human show, invit.
ing all the cats in the city, admis-
sion one mouse apiece. Then
would strut around in front of the
cages and remark: Isn't that fat
her?' Hasn't that little imported
German got pretty blue eyes See
what magnificent loLg hair that girl
has. This one looks as If 1t hadn't
been washed for a week. Really. 1t
ought to have a bath DO you think
raw beef is good for humansT
Smitten with the idea of his human
show. admission one mouse apiece,
Tom dismissed me with curt
"meouw" and, calling his colorei
maid to make his bed. proceeded to
dream his novel method of getting
even