Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1907-04-19
~O~~ONO

roar.-Wiener Caricaturen.
Prison Chaplain. (preaching on Sun
day in the prison chapeD-I am so de-
lighted, my dear brethren, to see you
assembled here in such goodly number
Figaro.
Principal Ito applicant for post Of !
correspondent )-For my business you
will require a wide knowledge of Ian
guages. In which language can you not
write?-Figaro.
Farmers Wife-Why have you left
that piece of steak | sent out for you !?
Tramp (indignantly)-I didn't ask for.
work, ma'am; asked for something
to eat.-Illustrated Bits.
Englishman (whose dog has fallen
overboard) stop, Captain, stop! Cap
tain-I can't do it. l can't stop for
anything short Of man. Englishman
Dumping overboard) Dwell, then, stop
now !-Floh.
SO positive. There are two sides to ev-
cry question. Old Hunks with a roar)
We'll, that's no reason why you
should always be on the wrong side -
Chicago Tribune.
Doctor-The increasing deafness of
your wife is merely an Indication of
advancing years, and you can tell her
that. Husband-Hum! Would you
mind telling her that yourself, doctor?
-Weiner Salonwitzblatt.
Boarder (warmly)-Oh, I know ev-
cry one of the tricks of your trade.
Do you think l have lived in boarding
houses twenty years for nothing?
Landlady (frigidly)-I shouldn't be at
all surprised.-New Yorker.
Her Query.-Agent-I have a book
you should buy for your son, telling
how to become politician, statesman,
President of the United States, banker,
broker Mrs. Hennesy-G'wan did
yer mother buy wan for you?
Are you sure the sick man wanted
meY asked the physician, reaching for
his hat. "He didn't mention your name,
but he's screaming for some one that'll
) put him out of his misery and thought
OF you right away."-Houston Post.
Mania can't think why your Sec
ond concert didn't go; the first was so
crowded. Dora-That's just it. We
sent tickets to all our friends for the
first concert, and hadn't even acquaint-
ances left for the second one-Slovo.
She-Did you enjoy the opera last
night, Herr Schwarz? He-No: l
, couldn't hear anything. She-Why not ?
He-Two ladies sat in front Of me and
chattered the whole evening about how
much they loved music.-Kleiner Witz-
blatt
!. Elderly Lady (to workman who has
, given her his seat in the street carr
oh, thank you very much. Workman
oh, that's nothing at all, Miss. Many
men only get up when the lady is pret-
ty, but 1t never makes any difference
to me-Die Muskete.
: His mother tucked 4-year-old Johnny
away in the top berth of the sleeping
car. Hearing him stirring in the mid
die of the night, she called softly
johnny, do you know where you are?'
"Tourse l do" he returned sturdily.
"I'm In the top drawer" r."-Youth's Com
panion.
Manners.-Jimmy had come to school
with dirty hands, says writer in New
York World. His teacher was shocked.
Jamie" she said, reprovingly, your
hands are very dirty. What would you
say If came to school that way 81
wouldn't speak about it," said Jimmy
''I'd be too polite"
Naturally-The elderly lady who
was looking through the shop of a
dealer in knicknacks picked up small
handbag. "Are you sure" she in.
quired, that this is real crocodile.
skin?" Absolutely certain, madam" "
replied the dealer; 81 shot the croco.
ollie myself" at looks rather soiled, "
observed his customer. Naturally
madam" explained the salesman; "that
, Is Wnere IL Struck the ground Wnen IL
tumbled off the tree"
Easily Observation-Disclosures was a
little Irish boy named Patsy, who
came to the United States with his
family. One morning his teacher in the
public school asked him: "Who was
the first man, Patsy George Wash.
ington," was the prompt reply. "Oh
no." said the teacher; George Wash.
ington was the father of his country
but Adam was the first man." WELL
responded Patsy, 4 didn't know ye wor
speakin' o. furriners"
Each Willing TO Wed.
Maiden lady (rescued from drown