The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1907-01-27

stingeth like an ADDER says they. Ye bet ye'er
life will, ladies' says tn Congressman with a
slight hiccup. [ will do as We desire. A sojer
that will drink beer is disgrace to tn Amer-
can Jag he says. We abolished public dhrinkin'
in tn capital he says. We done it to make tn
Sinitors unhappy, but thin hardened tools iv
predatory wealth have ordered ink wells made
in th' shape " decanters. But he says, tn
popular branch iv tn Naytional Ligslachure is
not to be outdone. Ye see these panels on tn
wall? touch button an out pops a bottle iv
Bourbon that wud make ye'er eyes dance.
Whoop-ce!' !.
So Congress passed bill abolishin' tn can
teen. An it's all right now. If soier wants to
desthroy himsilf he has to walk block. Some
" ME enterprisn colleagues in TIL business have
opened places convenient to th' fort where tn
bold sons iv Mars instead iv tn corroding beer
can get anything firm sulphuric acid to knock
out dhrops. | see wan iv thin stockin' up at a
wholesale dhrug store last week. II the sojers
escape tn Knockout dhrops they come down
town an Doherty takes care iv thin. A sojer
gets thirteen dollars month, we'll say. Twelve
dollars he can devote to drink an wan dollar
to th' fine. Twelve times eight hundhred-an'
twelve times that--well It's no small item in tn
coorse iv year. Win tn Binivolent Assocya-
ton iv Saoonkeepers holds its next meeting I'm
goin' to propose to sind dillygates to til Young
Ladies' Christyan Timprance Union 1t ought
to be what the unions call an AFFILIATED organ
ization."
cob, well" said Mr. Hennessy, "they think
they're dom what's right"
An they ar-re," said Mr.. Dooley. Yell
not find me defndin' TIL sellin' iv drink to amy
man anywhere. There's no wan that's as much
iv a timpance man as a man that's been IN my
business f'r year. I'd give up all tn fun get
out iv dhrinkin' man to escape tn throuble I
have firm dhrunkards Drinks a poison. don't
deny it. I'll admit I'm no betther thin an or
dhinry doctor. Both iv us gives We something
that cures We iv tn idee that tn pain in ye'er
chest is pnoomony " tn lungs. If it really is
pnoomony We go off somewhere an lie down an
ayether ye cure ye'ersilf iv pnoomony or tn
pnoomony cures We iv life. Dhrnk niver made a
man bctther, but it has made NANNY a man think
he was betther. A little " it lifts We out iv TIL
mud where chance has thrown We; u little more
makes We think tn stains on ye'er coat ar-re
eppylets; little more dhrops We back into tlp
mud again. It's frind to thin that ar-re cold
to it an an inmy to those that love it most. i
welcomes thin IN an thrips thin as they3go out
| tell We tits threacherous dhrug anti oughtn't
to be givento iyry man. 10 get drunk a man
ought first to be examined be his parish priest
to see whether he needs ii an how it's goin' to
affect him. E'r wan man he'd write on TIL pre-
scription Ad lib as Dock O'I.eary does whin
ne ordhers mustard plasther fl me; f'r another
ned write: Three times a day at meals But
nostpeope he wudden't prescribe it fl at, all.
$ Dol blame TIL ladies? Faith, I do not. Ye ,
needn't think I'm proud iv me business. on'y
ook to it because I am too janial to be a me-
hanic an tootender-hearted to be abanker or
lawyer No, Sir, | wudden't care aisthraw if BIT
II th dhrnlI#in TN wurruld was dumped to- 4
norrah into III Atlantic Ocean, although fra q
reek or two afther it was I'd have to get me a
living sutif | wanted to see anything iv me
rintls. Booze has always been a pop'larlbivrase