The Washington herald., 1907-12-29

nave never seen the main street OF Sc
dalia IN summer or, Representative James
t. Lloyd's district in the fall have been
at work circulating these base ISLANDERS
against Missouri. But they have taken
credit for polishing this literary diamond
OF the first Indiana water, long enough.
for Champ Clark let the cat out of the
bag last night when he addressed the
meeting Of the Missouri Society. in the
Pythian Temple
Ia the first place Mr.. Clark apo1ogized.
He'd just had his throat reamed out. he
said. and. Of course, he wasn't feeling
extra pleasant. He said he wasn't going
TO deliver lecture. for which he usually
gets paid. but would make a little talk.
From Mr.. Clark's talk II appears that
there was once an old man living out in
Missouri who was pretty wise. He had
a son, who decided, once upon a time.
that he wanted TO set married. sonny
came up 10 pop one day and asked for a
tip on who rules the familee, generally
speaking.
Couldn't FaEe Pop.
~ 1AAAeAA AAtHAAD4A me Al4dL W4S EG4AE
to faze pop. Oh, no; he was a pretty
bright old man. that Missouri gentleman.
who may have looked like Huck Firms
father or may not. Mr.. Clark didn't say.
But anyway. pop gives sonny about sew
enty chickens and a couple Of horses and
tells him 20 take a journey.
Every house you come to- says pop.
addressing sonny. stop and ask the
families what they would Ike 10 have,
a horse or a chicken. II there's a woman
running things. you will lose a chicken,
and if it's a man yOuu lose a horse"
Well. sonny hikes out across the beau
tiful Missouri scenery, than which there
is none more beauufuller. He hasn't
much trouble disposing Of his chickens.
and by the time he has driven several
miles. he's just about laying IL down for
a rule that women are running that COM
monwealJh.
Along about the sunset time, however.
sonny draws up before a big farmhouse
AID makes the usual offer. asking politely
who's running the shack. The man who
answers the door allows, in pretty loud
tones, that he's the chap sonny is look
ing for. Sonny begins % feel pretty des-
perate then, thinking he's going 10 lose
one Of his horses-the man says he wants
the bay.
Mr.. Man goes into the house. though
and in a minute out he comes. pretty
breathless and allows he'll not take the
bay, but the gray. because the old lady
likes * best.
You've got 10 show me-" said sonny.
You'll take a chicken" That's where
the gem came from.
The audience thoroughly appreciated
that story. although one OF the reporters
said ne saw IL IN Nellie the NewsgirT
several years ago.
Did Mr.. Clark stop with this tale oi
Missouri and its simple life? Not by
a good many drinks from the Big Muddy
did he He told about everything that
grew in Missouri. including a belief he
himself had that the newspapers haven't
Of late been giving him credit for some
original thoughts ne got of some time
since. Mr.. Clark said that he used 70
say YOU could wall up Missouri with q
Chinese wall. and inside there'd be
enough for the people to live on. Peo-
pie have forgotten, he said. though He
said that they are still finding new things
out in Missouri, so that his former state
ment Is stiu truer.
Everything Grows There.
There isn't anything you can't grow
in Missouri" said Mr. Clark, Why there
was a man named Spaulding one time
who had a salt well on his place. Even
the Indians used 10 come up and take
salt out Of that well. just as tame as
could be.
We'll. this fellow Spaulding had a no.
ton he'd like 10 have a few oysters
right at his door, So he sends back, back,
back to Baltimore and gets some. Plants
them right there in that old salt Well
that's as old, mebbe, as Methuselah. and
ever after he has a crop OF little oysters
growing right in his front yard"
II you could just guess what Mr.. Clark
told about his predecessor in Congress. a
gentleman by the name OF Anderson
This Mr.. Anderson had peculiar ideas
about astronomical effects, so TO sneak
Mr.. Anderson. perhaps he was feeling a
bit good for a Missourian, went to a
Yale banquet one night, and what do you
think he did?
Buttered his watermelon.
Altogether. though. Mr. Clark said that
Missouri is just about the finest piece of
foliage on the green sward to-day. He
said that the bar OF Missouri is quartered
oak. and adorned by the finest stock.
Mr.. Clark told about several trials in
which he had participated some years
ago, that We're pretty fine trials. the Ike
OF which he'd just wager no fiction
writer like Marie CorelH or Ouida or
Laura Jean Libbey could hope TO equal
He said that there were so many fellows
who travelled over 10 Missouri from Ten
nessee, Kentucky, and other States where
the etiquette of gunnery is developed TO a
remarkable degree that life used 10 be
pretty risky in Missouri. for a man with
any hardware on his person and a mean
disposition.
He told about one fellow who had one
of these peculiar dispositions. who hap
pened casually TO shoot his brother, who
wanted to shoot him. This brother-the
one who didn't get shot. at least. with a
bullet-afterward reformed and moved
back TO Kentucky. and became a min
lister. Mr.. Clark is going to find him as
soon as he has an opportunity He
wants to know why he became a min
lister. for he defended the reformed one
when he was tried for killing his brother.
Mr.. CIark's SerIOusness.
When Mr.. Clark got serious. though. he
said that he believed Congress should con-
vene in August, and that the President
should be inaugurated in September. He
said that if the people would insist on
seeing the President inaugurated on
March T. it ought to be done in the House
Of Representatives where everybody who
could get in would be out OF the wet.
He said that it seemed kind Of shame
full that Mark Hanna had to pay $400 for
a window from which he might see Presi-
dent Mckinley inaugurated
Mr.. Clark said a number of other things
which were worth recording, but can't be
v,,r+ Il I