Washington State journal and Adams County news. [volume] (Ritzville, Wash.) 1906-1907, 1907-02-20
Did He Lose or Gain?

lid he Lose or 0Aln!
A man from little town in the inte-
rior of the state of Kentucky, Herchall
Girder by name, is reported as recently
recovering from a sleep lasting twelve
years, and some of the papers have
been figuring on what he has missed
during all these long years, while 9TH
ers have been figuring out what he has
gained during the same period, and the
result of all this figuring shows the ac-
count to be pretty well balanced, as
will be seen from the following:
"Girder has lost twelve eventful
years. Since he went to sleep his coun-
try has become world power. He got
drowsy just on the end of a panic and
he has missed twelve years Of pros
perity, unparalleled in the nations his
tory. He never heard of Dewey or the
shot in Manila bay, the echo of which
was heard around the globe and gave
America place in world politics. The
rescue of Cuba from Spain's tyrranic
rule, the acquisition of the Philippines,
the downfall of Spain, the humiliation
of Russia and the rise of Japan, the
march of civilization into China as re-
suit of the Boxer uprising, the settle
ment of the coal strike, the peace con-
ference at Portsmouth, the founding of
The Hague court and it's dream of in
ternational peace, the American inva-
sion of the markets of the world, the
progress that has been made toward
making America great and her people
the most prosperous on earth; all these
events are as closed book to Girder.
He has missed a lot and sympathy for
him seems natural.
"But the law of averages is inexora-
BILE. Girder has missed some things
that the American who has slept only
seven hours day in the last twelve
years would like to forget and is apt
to envy Girder's ignorance of them.
He knows nothing of the "second ra-
ito" and government without consent
of the governed" and the "cross of
gold and the crown of thorns" are as
Greek to him. So far as he knows,
Bryan is still representing the Second
Nebraska district in congress. He
never heard of "Coin" Harvey. He
never heard of Poultney Bigelow's trip
to the Panama canal. The name Of
Alton B. Parker and the swimming hole
at Esopus mean nothing to him. He
does not know that James Hazen Hyde
is not still giving dinners with the pol
icy holders surplus. He probably
thinks that Paul Morton is still clerk
ing for the Burlington in Chicago. He
would not understand references to
Carrie Nation or Cassie Chadwick, and
he has missed General Grosvenor' pre-
dictions in six congressional and three
presidential campaigns. He knows
nothing of Senators Burton or Mitchell,
or the land frauds, and graft" prob
ably has only an agricultural signifi-
cance to him. He has no intimate
knowledge of Lincoln Steffens, Ida Tar
bell, Jacob Riis, Tom Lawson or Will
liam Allen White, and he probably does
not know whether there is anything the
matter with Kansas at this particular
time. He never heard of Machen or
Beavers and the postoffice scandal, and
he has not been eating any Chicago
canned meats. To him Eugene v. Debs
is stillin the Woodstock Jail. and the
name of the Upton Sinclair strikes no
terror to his soul. Dowie and his freak
creeds were As dead twelve years ago
~ they are now. He win not UNDER
stand the talk about the lid" or the
open door," or simplifed spelling, or
the Thaw trial or the Plat scandal.
"While the first thought for Girder
will be one Of sympathy, it may turn
to envy before the books are balanced. I"
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The Cuban army is reported to be
getting restless again. Why not quiet
that army for all time by setting up q