Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1907-01-25
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Customer want a piece of meat
without fat, bone or gristle. Clerk
You'd better have an egg, ma'am.-
New York Mail.
Edward-Why did Grace marry
Fred? She wasn't the least bit in love.
Edith-Heavens no! She thought Ada
wanted him.-Judge.
Mrs Skinnum-Why are you all hid
Ing from Tommy? Little Lizzie-Tom-
my is the butcher coming with his bill
Philadelphia Record.
Gauss-How does your dog like your
new neighbor? Matchett-It's little
tco early to say. Rover has had only
one small piece.-Smart Set.
The Father Ito boy back from col
lege)-Well, son, how much money do
you owe? The Son-Well-
how much have you got?-Harper's
Bazaar.
Mrs. Flp-I have just been talking
to specialist, and he says by brain
vitality has all gone to my long hair.
Do you believe it? p-Well-er-
l knew it had gone.-St. Paul Pioneer
Press.
He-Miss Highnote is certainly
homely girl, isn't she? She-Well, she
Isn't beauty, but when you hear her
sing you will forget her face. He-Gra-
cious! Is her singing as bad as that?
The Club Fellow.
Mr.. Misfit (savagely)-Before l mar
ried you, was there any doddering
idiot gone on you? Mrs. Misfit-There
was one. Mr.. Msfit-I wish to good
ness you'd married him! Mrs. Misfit-
did.-Los Angeles News.
Mr.. Justup-Let us go around to the
De Rocks. They have just bought
Rembrandt for thousands Of dollars.
Mrs. Justup-You don't say. Is it gas
oline or steam, and what is the horse
power?DChicago Daily News.
'Is it fact that your mother-in-law
threw herself out of the third-story
window and you did nothing to restrain
her" Excuse me; went to the first
story to catch her, but she had al
ready passed ''-Il Diavolo Rosa.
They've started queer restaurant
downtown; no tables, no chairs, no
food, no walters" what are they
running it on, air or water?" Neither
Christian Science-you think you
eat, so much think. Brooklyn Life
Stern Parent From my observation
of him last night l came to the conclu-
sion that that young man of yours was
rather wild. Daughter-It was you
that made him wild. He wanted you
to 90 upstairs and leave us alone.-Il-
lustrated Bits.
WELL said the optimist, 81 suppose
you are through kicking about the
warm weather" "Oh, yes," respond
ed the pessimst cheerfully. I'm kick
ing about the cold weather now. You
can nearly always kick. louisville
Courier Journal.
Il can't understand this street rail-
way situation" said Mrs. Wade Parker.
IL wish you'd tell me just what you
think of it." "Well, my dear" said
Mr.. Parker, "since you ask it, will.
But you'll have to send the children
out Of the room first. Cleveland
Leader.
did ye get damages fer being in
Z that railway accident, Bill? Sure;
fifty dollars fer me and fifty fer the
missus" ''The missus? didn't hear
she was hurt" "She wasn't; but
J had the presence O. mind to fetch her
J one on the head with me foot."-Har-
per's Weekly.
l MY dear" said the caller, with a
winning smile, to the little girl who oc-
t cupied the study while her father, an
r eminent literary man, was at his din
ner, Il suppose you assist your papa
l by entertaining the bores?" "Yes. sir"
t replied the little girl, bravely please
/, be seated."-Washington Journal.
For some time past I've been buying
: dozen eggs every week at this store,
and l invariably find two bad ones in
: every dozen. Something's got to be
done about it," said an irate house
keeper. "Well," said the new clerk
= naively, and with a quiet smile, 'meb-
= be If you only bought half-a dozen
= you'd only get one bad ."-Grocer's
= Literary Gazette.
Martha's mistress often boasts Of
- her readiness of resource. "The best
- nursemaid in town." she calls her. One
!, day she came home from drive to be
:, confronted with the startling news
= that the baby had swallowed a button.
y "And what did you do, Martha?" she
" asked In some anxiety although trnst