Los Angeles herald., 1907-03-18

ing by soda fountain today and a
little Irish chap was mixing the drinks.
1 watched him and he looked as If he
were just aching to get out and cele-
brate.
It's devil of mean trick to keep
a fellow shut in on st. Patrick's day,
don't you think?' he asked me.
sympathized, and just then a dude, evil
IDENTIFY on his way to see his very best
Sunday girl, came in and asked for a
glass of orange phosphate. Well, you
just ought to have seen that boy. He
glared at the dude, and then he mixed
the phosphate with plenty of orange.
AS the fellow was taking a nickel out
of his pocket the soda boy turned and
threw the whole thing over the fellows
shirt front. No charge for that, sir!'
he said, and then he invited the dude to
leave before he jumped the counter and
beat him to pulp. He left all right.
Speaking of dudes, in New York
they always have big picnics on st.
Patrick's day. Tim Murphy got me to
go down to one of them and asked me
to tell some stories. I stood on a table
after the spread was over and talked
about Ireland. had rather flashy
suit on and might have expected what
followed.
Chris Loved the Irish
Ireland is a great country said I.
ireland has produced some great men.
There was Peter Mahon and Tom
Sharkey, and Garibaldi and Christopher
Columbus The crowd howled. We'll,
Christopher Columbus was a great
friend of Ireland
How was that? asked an Irishman
near me.
Why when Christopher Columbus
sailed from Italy, or that other place,
he told Garibaldi that he was going TO
do something great for Ireland
We'll, and what did he do? shouted
another Irishman.
why, didn't he come right over
here and discover American 1 asked.
Say, that dude is gettin' a little bit
too fresh shouted an Irishman at the
back OF the crowd, and then they made
a rush for me. I don't know what
would have happened to me, but before
they got to me they were all fighting
among themselves, and 1 got away all
right.
Wake in New York
Ever go to an Irish wake in New
York; asked Mckinley. Well, that's
where you missed it. That's the place
you see the fighting.
II went to one few years ago that
I will never forget. The man had died,
leaving $100 with which he wanted to
be buried
His wife had spent seventy-five of
1t for coffin and accessories and the
other twenty-five for the wake. At the
wake they got to fighting and they
tipped the body out of the coffin. The
poor widow began to weep.
My poor Mike she cried.
Here l spent SIS getting you all
fixed up nice to go to heaven and now
you are not fit to go to hell!
Fighting reminds me-did you ever
hear about the fight between the Eng
lishman and the Irishman? This Eng
was a better fighter than most
of them. The two men agreed that
when one was tired of fighting he would
holler sufficient.
THE Englishman pounded the Irish
man and he fought back. The English
man had the best end of 1t, but he saw
the Irishman was bound to stick to it,
so he slowed up little. By that time
the Irishman had his second wind and
he sailed into him. Sufficient gasped
the poor Englishman just as he was
about to drop.
'Begorra and 1 have been trying To-
think of that word for the last fifteen
minutes
"But, say, know a better one than
that
was just aching to hear more of 1t.
but eaVesdroppers cannot spend all
their time in one place. More power
TO the Irish!