davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1907-10-31
AN OPTICAL DELUSlON.
The Story of a Martinez Colonel, a
Captain and a Sword.


Captain and a Sword.
The colonel, a rigid martinez, is sit
ting at the window of his room when,
looking out, he sees a captain crossing
the barrack yard toward the gate.
Looking at him closely, he is shocked
to observe that, the rules and regula-
tons to the contrary Notwithstanding,
the captain does not carry sword.
Captain he calls from the window.
Eli, captain, step up to my room for
a moment, will your"
The captain obeys promptly, borrows
a sword of the officer of the guard, the
guardroom being at the foot of the
stairs. and presents himself to the colo
mel in irreproachable dress.
The colonel is somewhat surprised to
see the sword in it's place and, having
to invent some pretext for calling his
subordinate back, says, with some COM
fusion: BEG your pardon, captain, but
really I've forgotten what it was
wanted to speak to you about. How
ever, it can't have been very impor-
tant It'll keep. Good morning"
The captain salutes, departs, returns
the sword to it's owner and is making
off across the barrack yard, where he
again comes within range Of the colo
neIs vision.
The colonel rubs his eyes, stares,
says softly to himself: "How in thun-
der is this? He hasn't a sword to his
waistr' then calls aloud: Captain.
Ho, captain! One moment. pleased" 4
The captain returns, borrows the
sword again, mounts the stairs and en-
tiers the coloners presence. His COM
manding officer stares at him intently.
He has sword; he sees it; he hears it
clank.
Captain" he stammers,, growing
very hot, ''its ridiculous, you know,
but-ha! ha-rd just remembered
what wanted to say to you, and now
'-ha! ha!-it'ss gone out of my head
, again! Funny, isn't it? Ha. ha, ha:
Losing my memory. Never mind I'll
think of it and write you. Good morn
| ing
The captain saiutes, departs, returns
| the sword to its owner and makes for
| the gate AS he crosses the barrack
yard the colonel calls his wife to his
side and says, See that officer out
thereY
yes"
HAS he got sword on"
The coloners wife adjusts her eye
glass upon him, scans him keenly and
says, HE hasn't taste Of sword"
The colonel: ''That's just where you
fool yourself. Yes, he has."-London
Graphic.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1907-10-31
Sacred Trees of India.

There are many sacred trees OF
India which enter largely into the
religious life of the Hindoos. Chief
among these are the sami tree and
the trembling peepul. Nearly all
the higher hills and rocks in the
plains are crowned each by temple
shrine or sacred tree. The peepul
is known as the king of trees. It is
the most holy, and the three great
spirits of the Hindoos dwell therein
The worship Of the tree is the wor-
ship Of the triad Brahma, silva and
Vishnu. Almost every Indian vii
lage has its peepul tree, with q
raised platform or altar around it
The devout remove their shoes be-
fore it and make obeisance before
proceeding on their way.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1907-10-31
TIE Word "AIa."

What could be more English than
the word ale? 1t carries us back to the
banquets of our dead ancestors in Wal
halla. and some of it's compounds open
up vistas into that old England which
is fast disappearing. becoming a tale
that is told. obsolete itself. Such are
alebush, a tavern sign; ale conner. IAN
officer appointed in every court leet
and sworn to look to the assize and
goodness of bread. ale and beer" Ale
cost, the name of kind of tansy used
to flavor the rustic's home brewed. has
good old English look. Yet 1t bears
witness to the mongrel nature Of tho
speech Of this mongrel nation, cost be-
ing from the Greek kostos, a savory
herb of species unidentified Alegar IS
eager or sour ale, used as vinegar
Cornhill Magazine.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1907-10-31
The Size of the Sea.

The Pacific covers 69,000,000.
the Atlantic 100000 and the In
dian ocean, Arctic and Antarctic
100000 square miles.
To stow away the contents of the
Pacific it would be necessary to FL
a tank one mile long, one mile wide
and one mile deep every day for 4iC
years Put in figures, the Pacific
holds in weight 948,000,00o ,Q00,-
O00,00O,0 900 tons. 1t would take
about 100000 years for all its wa
ter to pass over the falls of Niagara.
The average depth of the Allan
tic is not quite three miles. Its wa
tiers weigh 325,O00,OOO,OOO,O 100000
tons, and tank to contain it would
have each of its six sides 40 miles
long. The figures Of Tic other
oceans are in the same Startling pro
portions. It would take all thu
sea water in the world about 2,000,-
900 years to flow over Niagara. J
tank to hold it all would have t
measure nearly 1000 miles alon
each Of its sides.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1907-10-31
MIGHT END ILLUSIONS.
if Every One Might Do Only the WORK
He Liked Best.

'T wonder" said the professor
show things would work out II Q
magic wand should be waved over
the world, permitting every Tom
Dick and Harry of us to engage i
the occupation he especially likes
Pretty nearly everybody would has
ten to make a change, fancy. |.
would be interesting to note both
general and individual results.
81 have friend who is broker
a successful broker, j should mag
inc, because by his advice | have
been able to increase my nodes
capital-but, bless you, is he salts
fed with being broker? Far FROM
it. If he could do just what he
wanted he would follow the sea.
am not sure in just what capacity
but probably as the captain Of =
transatlantic liner. Conversely,
know a seafaring man the height Of
whose ambition is to establish hin
self on shore, the master of litt,C
farm. A woman acquaintance Of
mine who is making. quite a nam(
for herself as a writer cherishes tho
longing to go into settlement wori;
And so it goes. Speaking for my.
self, I can say that, while [ have
been happy as an instructor O.
youth, l feel that What talents
possess might have been more prof
itably employed in exploring. Yes
you may smile, but in my earle,
days | had the .'wanderlust, an(
even now my favorite reading is 0.
the exploits of men who have bee!
able to get beyond the confines o
civilization and report what the
have found.
''It seems as if most of us hat
what may call second selves, whose
imaginary careers are far dlfferea
from those that, as matter of fact
are the ones experienced. Would
there be more happiness if the i'm
aginary achievements were the rea
ones? We are apt to think SO. The
chances are that disillusionment
would come as it does frequently il
our actual callings. At any rate
we can now think of the JOY of the
might have beens-and that is
something."-New York Press.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1907-10-31
"Chouse" Seymour.

There was an Irish actor named
Seymour who had the nickname
"Chouse," which came from his IN
lucky slip in the passage in "Othe-
To-" "When I love thee not chaos
is come again" 1t was in Cork
that he made the break, and Cork
did not forget. When he returned
a year later the city was placarded
by an artist in chalk, "Chouse has
come again" He played Othello;
and the gallery observed, "Deuced
good, Chousev' The dying Moor
sat up, shook his fist in the direction
of the observer and invited him, II
he were a man, to come down and
have his head punched.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1907-10-31
A Chanued Bird.

An Irishman who wasn't much OF a
hunter went out to hunt one day. and
the first thing he saw to shoot at was
a bluejay sitting saucily on the top OF
a fence. He blazed away at the bird
and then walked over to pick it up
What he happened to find there was a
dead frog, which he raised carefully al
arms length. looking at it with puz
zled air. Finally he remarked, "Well
begobs, but We was a foine looking
burd befur Oh blew Their filters Off Q
yerse!'-Judge's Library.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1907-10-31
SLIGO Year. Send 10c Tor sample
Copy. CORRECT ENG LIoH,
Evanston, H..
A .seman.s Comp.ex,va


It is rank foolishuess to attempt
to remove sallowness or 4reGsinesa
of the skin by the ust Of cosmetics
or "local' Treatment, as advocat ed
by the 'beauty doctors. u" The DOLLY
safe and sure way thala woman rar,
improve her complexion is ny purify
ing and enriching the blood, which
can only be accomplish by keeping
the liver healthy and active. The
liver is the seat of disease and blood
pollution. Green's August Flow r
acts directly on the liver, cleanseg
and enriches the blo>d, parifies the
complexion It also cures consti-
patton, biliousness, u rvousness, and
induces refreshing sleep. A singls
bottle of August Flower has been
known to cure the most pronounced
and distressing ca>r of dyspepsia
and digestion. New trial size bottle
% cents; regular re IS cents. AT
Frost & Spies.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1907-10-31
WANTED-By Chicago whole

WANTED-By Chicago whole
sale and mail order house, assistant
manager oman or woman) for this
county and adjoining territory.
Salary $40 and expenses paid week
ly; expense money advanced. Work
pleasant, position permanent. No
Investment or experience required.
Spare time valuable. Write at once
for full particulars and enclose self
addressed envelope. Address G EN-
ERAL MANAGER, 1874 F.. Lake
ST., Chicago.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1907-10-31
Bad Breaks.

"Johnny, Johnny, didn't I ask
you once to stop whistling at the
table ?"
"Yes'm."
"Well, do you want me to ask you
again?'
"No'm; l don't want you to make
no bad breaks"
"Bad breaks! What do you mean,
johnny"
"Well'm, you said it was very i'm
polite to ask for things twice at the
table,
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1907-10-31
She Cheated.

Said an indignant mother to her
little son, S'Why did you strike little
Elsie, you naughty boy?"
Dick Indignant in his turn
{ What did she want to cheat for,
then?
GLOW did she cheat?' asked
mamma more mildly.
"Why," explained Dick, eve were
playing at Adam and Eve, and she
had the apple to tempt me with,
and she never tempted me, but went
and ate it up herself"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1907-10-31
WELLINGTON and Waterloo.

Heine, in speaking of Wellington 8
good luck at Waterloo, says: 'This
good fortune when the greatest man of
the world Is unfortunate. We see in
him the victory of stupidity over genius
Arthur Wellington triumphant when
Napoleon Bonaparte was overwhelmed.
Wellington and Napoleon 1t is a won
mind can at the same time think of
both these names''
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1907-10-31
London Humor.

The omnibus is in progress wher
the following dialogue takes place:
Passenger-Stop at 1874.
Conductor-All right, sir. ON
nibus pulls up in the middle Of g
dirty road Here you are, sir.
"Drive a little closer to the pave
ment."
"Certainly, SIR To the driver
but in a loud voice, "You must pull
up very close the kerb, Bill, as the
gentleman cleans his own boots. p
London Telegraph.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1907-10-31
NORWEGIAN LUTHERAN
REV. CHR. CHRIsTIANsON. Pastor

REV. CHR. CHRISTIANSON, Pastor.
Services every Sunday at 1880 a. m. and
7:45 p. m. Sunday School at 1900 noon
Prayer meeting every Thursday evening at
500. Ladies Aid Society meeting every
other Wednesday afternoon. Helping Hand
Society every other Wednesday evening
All services in the Norwegian language ex-
cept Sunday evening. Services every third
sunday which is held in the English la n guag e
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1907-10-31
Ridiculous.

Among the Quakers," said Miss
Wise, 81 believe the men wear their
hats in church"
How ridiculous! exclaimed Miss
Gidday. Gas if any one could possibly
be interested in mems hats!-Phila-
delphia Press.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1907-10-31
No ChancA.

"Do you think his interest In art will
ever amount TO anything?"
mo" answered Miss Cayenne. Gle
IS too well off to become an artist him
self and not rich enough to become a
connoisseur.'-W Washington Star.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1907-10-31
A Card

We, the under, i2nrd, 90 hereby
agree to refund t. MONEY on d 30
cent bottle of G etn's arranted
Syrup. of Tar if if lis to care your
cough or cold Ne also guaranra
25-cent bot Ia prove satisfacf-
DRY or money ROUNDED. Fox Bros,
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1907-10-31

The men in this country who begin
by knowing it all generally wind up
by asking the way home.-Atlanta Con-
stitution. -..-.-..
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1907-10-31
SCANDINAVIAN Nj, E.

REV, MS. HANSON, Pastor.
Services every Sunday at 10:45 a. m. and
800 p. m. Sabbath School 1900 n, Epworth
League at 100 p m. Prayer meeting every
Thursday at 500 p, M. Glass meeting every
Tuesday at SCOOP. m. at the houses
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1907-10-31

When you VIZ anything il tba
line of JOB printing The Tines can
supply your wants IN fir>t-class
shape.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1907-10-31
CONGREGATIONAL CHURCH.

u w W
Services every.Sunday at 10:45 a. m. and
1880 p. m. Sabbath School at IL m. Christ
ian Endeavor service at $50 p. m. All are
cordially .nyited
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1907-10-31
ROMAN CATHOLIC

GERMAN EV. LUTHERAN.
Services will be held at 1O:CO a. M. except
last Sunday of the month. Sunday School
every Sunday at HOO, c. GUTEKUNsT,
Pastor.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1907-10-31
City
School Boards,

l.. n, y. ausen president; H. p. Axelberg
Secretary. E. E. Kenfield, vice president
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1907-10-31
CHURCHES.
SWEDISH LUTHERAN.

services every other Sunday Pastors
Vest o"on ave.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1907-10-31

WashburI, Public Library Board.
N. N. oscar, president: w. Ii. Irish.
vice-president, e. Bryau, secretary; w.
II. Irish, Charles Jefferson, Mrs. VIM. O'NeiI
;. A. Oscar. Bryan. Mrs. James !.
Sheridan.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1907-10-31
c. St. P. M. & O. Ry.

PASSENGER TRAINS:
SOUTH NORTH
$3.50 a. m. daily 1926 a. m. daily
11:55 a m. exSnnday lao pm. eXSunday
$500 pm. daily 4:3O p. m. eXSunday
1880 p. M. daily SIS pm. Sunday only
GAP p. m. daily
Sonnet at Ashland Junction with south
bound trains. +ConDects at Ashland juno
tiOn for st. Paul or Chicago. connect at
Ashland with Northwestern train for
Chicago.
The Newark journal. (Newark, Ark.) 1901-1959, 1907-03-29
BILL FOR COUNTY DEPOSITORY
Legislature Passes a Bill Allow
ing Banks to Use the
County Funds.

A bill has passed both houses
Of the Legislature providing for
county repositories in Indepen-
dence, Baxter, Green, lizard,
Perry, Lonoke and Sharp counties
and the bill now only lacks the
governors signature to become a
law. The law, however, will not
go into effect until October 81,
1908, when the terms of the
present county treasurers will ex-
pire.
The bill provides. in effect, that
the public funds in the hands of
OF the county treasurer shall be
deposited under certain safe re-
strictions. with the bank in the
county offering the highest rate of
interest for it as deposit. Ample
bond is required, and the interest
paid shall 60 to the benefit of the
people.
Several counties in the state now
have special laws of this kind and
are receiving interest on their
funds, some counties receiving as
high as six per cent.
The Newark journal. (Newark, Ark.) 1901-1959, 1907-03-29
LAW AND ORDER MEETING

The Law and Order League held
its regular meeting at the Baptist
church Monday night. No tusi-
ness was transacted except To-
adopt memorial to be presented
to the circuit Judge and prosecut-
ing attorney at the converting Of
circuit court at Batesville, asking
them to be more rigidiy enforce
the laws against blind tigering and
gambling.
After the conclusion of buainesx
Elder j. H. Milburn, Baptist state
evangelist, delivered strong LEG
ture upon the evils resulting from
the non. enforcement of the laws
against blind tigers and othera
classes of law breakers.
Another meeting will be held at
the Christian church next Monday
night and after desposipg Of tho
regular business Elder Milhuvn
will again lecture along the sama
line, but will take up the matter
more in detail and discuss it moro
fully.
The Newark journal. (Newark, Ark.) 1901-1959, 1907-03-29
ANTI-NEGRO SERVANT BILL.

Little Rock, March Ex-senator
Mcknight introduced bill in the
senate yesterday making it unlaw-
full for negroes to wait upon or
serve white persons as porters on
trains, as BARRIERS or as walters in
restaurants or hotels, and equally
unlawful for white servants to
wait upon negroes, which provok-
ed some debate on question for
a second reading of the measure.
Senator Amis said the bill was
to prevent negroes from waiting
on whites and moved that it be re-
jected. Senator Mcknight made
strong plea for the measure, de-
nying that the prime object was
to prevent negroes from serving
white people. IT'S to prevent
negroes from taking white women
about the waist and helping them
off the trains,o he said why, my
wife is afraid to come to town
alone because she is waited upon
by these blacks"
Senator Amis withdrew his
motion to reject the bill, and it
was read second time and refer
red to the Committee on Agricul-
ture.
The Newark journal. (Newark, Ark.) 1901-1959, 1907-03-29
IN JAIL AT NEWPORT

The Newport Independent says
that Odom, the veterinary surgeon
charged with having left Newark
on Wednesday night of last week
with the wife of w. A. Benson
is we'll known at Newport,
having assisted DR.. Crig e T
there for some time; that he board
ed at Cooks hotel, where he left
a S35 board bill unpaid, and that
Coastal BILE Ballew went to Corning,
where Odom was, and arrested
him, bringing him back Saturday
night and placing him in jail at
Newport.
The Newark journal. (Newark, Ark.) 1901-1959, 1907-03-29
A NICE HOME FOR SALE

We have one of the incest pieces
of residence property in Newark
for sale at bargain. Two stovy
eight room house with good barn.
smokehouse and good we'll of wa
ter. An entire block goes With
the property including two email
houses which rent for S. per
month each. Also fine garden and
young orchard. Buildings al
nearly new and well finished, paint
ed inside and out and papered
throughout. The houses would
cost what we ask for the property
to say nothing of the lots, barn,
fencing and other improvements.
CRAIG e HENDERSON.
The Newark journal. (Newark, Ark.) 1901-1959, 1907-03-29
THE CITY LAW AND ORDER TICKET
Complete List of the Candidates
TO be Voted on at Tues
day Election

The complete ticket indorsed by
the Law and Order League is ag
follows:
For Mayor, r. r. Ration
For Recorder, E. w. Magness
For Treasurer, O. f. Craig
For Marshal, j. w. Fetzer
For Aldermen, G. M. Edwards,
J. H. Holderby, A. H. Saylors,
K. II. Williamson and T. ii. Dear
ing.
These are all good substantial
citizens, clean, honorable and up
right men, against whom mo-
charge whatever can be brought
This ticket is pledged to moro
strict enforcement of the law
against blind tigering and gambl-
ing. The opposition ticket is
making no promises along this
line, and some of the men on it,
have had ample opportunity tn
enforce the laws against the tigers
and did not do it. The situation
should be clear to any man whO
will give it a moments thought.
The Newark journal. (Newark, Ark.) 1901-1959, 1907-03-29

in the killing of the engineer and
fireman of the train and the injur-
ing of eight memb ers of the train
crew, Tillis Matthews, a 15-year-
old boy. was arrested to day and
placed in the Prairie county jail.
He steadfastly maintains that he
had nothing to do with the wreck.
The Newark journal. (Newark, Ark.) 1901-1959, 1907-03-29

where you played a leading part
toward the suppression of the
blind tigers on or about May u,
1905, j. r. Alexander become in
toxicated in the town of Newark,
and was landed in the cooler for
some hours. After having been
liberated and still under the in
fuence of liquor, wrote a short
piece in opposition to the tigers
and presented same to you, Mr.
Editor, and requested you to pub
lish the same in The Journal,
which you did without hesitation.
Now lets see effect of this and the
gentleman's talk against the tigers.
On or about May IS, 1905, four
citizens of the town filed affidavits
before me charging so many men
of operating blind tigers in the
town and | issued the warrant and
had these places raided. Now
lets see next about one week from
these raids the same j. r. Alex
and prepared another article along
the same line, land mind you Mr..
Editor this time he was neither
drunk or had been in the cooler)
and this he also presented to you
with the request that you publish
same in The Journal. Now did
you do it! No, but you fatty re-
fused and now Mr.. 2x4 tell the
public what was the cause of your
change on this point. Was you
afraid you would hurt The Jour-
nal financially or otherwise by TAX
ing the stand indicated by the ar
ticles prepared by this man, who
unfortunately for he and | are
not, the best of friends. Now Mr..
Editor these are the cold facts in re-
gard to this article proposition and
] can't see why that you have not
forfeited the $40 you offered as q
reward. AS before | will say |
can use this to very good ad-
vantage and | hope the same is
forthcoming. Now don't cry l
am whining around and singing
mud and don't try the blue pencil
scare and in the next article | will
show you up on the deal / limited
at before. JNO. T. THARP.
The Newark journal. (Newark, Ark.) 1901-1959, 1907-03-29
GOVERNOR is IMPROVING

Corpus Christi, Tex, March %.
The condition of Governor Little
of Arkansas continues to improve.
Yesterday he went for an airing
in an auto. He was accompanied
by DIR. Spohn, under whose care
he is. Today the governor took a
walk along the beach.
The Newark journal. (Newark, Ark.) 1901-1959, 1907-03-29
JUDGE THARP'S TALK


In answering your article of the
22nd. | am forced to use language
which | consider unbecoming a
gentleman, but fear the villainous
intent of these charges my thought
are inferior in expressing words
strong enough to make proper
answer. You deny having attack
ed Hmy personal conduct. Let's
refer backs to your former publ
cations along this line and see how
much truth you tell when you
make this denial. You made re.
ference to me bout not signing a
certain petition at the mass meet
ing sometime ago; you continued
to use the prefix, Judge, to my
name after l. mad asked you to
drop it, you called me a general
roust about and last but not least
you said was a fit subject for an
insane asylum. Now Mr.. 2x4 tell
the people how you are going to
connect these damnabIe slurs of
your poisoned brains with my of
fetal conduct. Again you have
audacity to come out and accuse
me of keeping my office in a blind
tiger and of aiding, abetting and
shielding others in their open vio-
lation Of the law. Now this is the
denial | make: You knew at the
time that your poisoned mind
prompted you to stoop so low to
publish the accusations that they
were malicious and willful lies and
could have been used by you for
no other purpose than to try to
poison the minds of the people
against NE. Talk about common
decency, moral back bone and
other noble qualities, which you
claim | am totally void Of! Mr..
2x4 how can you have the audacity
to to make such references to any
man regardless of how low he
might be morally, since you have
.stoopd so low as to publish some
thing IN your paper which you
know at the time of publication
were false?
Now about the article you refus-
ed to publish in opposition to the
blind tigers, | have obtained per-
mission from the gentleman who
prepared the article to use his
name, whom you may well know
to be j. R. Alexander, and here l
give you the facts iu this matter
The Newark journal. (Newark, Ark.) 1901-1959, 1907-03-29
LADIES'.

We cordially invite you to call
and inspect the New Spring Styles
we are showing in dress goods,
silks, white goods, linens, en-
broideries, laces, trimmings, col.
lars, long gloves, corsets and novel
ties. Barnett Bros. Mer. Co.
Batesville, Ark.