Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1907-08-09
N~~~~~~NNO~.

The husband who never goes out de.
serves a wife who never stays in.-The
Cynlc.
"Is Willie still paying attention to
Tlllie" NO" "Did he jilt herr"
"No, he married her Punch.
anna, you wished to buy dlctlon.
ary?' II have married professor
Observation-Disclosures Blaetter.
Look, Arthur, that is our baby"
"How do you know?" "I recognize
the back of our nurse."-Der Wahre
Jacob.
Madge-Has she a good memory7
Marjorie-So-so. She's always remem-
bering things she's forgotten.-Town
Topics
She-You can always tell Harvard
man. He (from New Haven) Yes;
but you can't tell him much.-Harper's
Weekly.
Mater-What is 1t, pa? Has Henry
been expelled? Pater-Worse! He
writes that he's going to take female
part in the college play.-Puck.
as her husband so unendurably stu
pid" "Oh, dreadful. The only time
he brightens up is when she talks Of
divorce !"-Seattle Post-Intelllgencer.
Harker-Slowboy is all right, when
1t comes to looking ahead. Parker
Yes; but he's all wrong when 1t comes
to going ahead.-Chicago Daily News.
The society reporters always speak
Of bride being "led to the altar" just
as though bride couldn't find her way
there bllndfold.- Ledger.
81 hear you are having trouble In
meeting your creditors" "Trouble in
meeting 'em? Great Scott My trou-
BILE is lodging 'em."-Cleveland Leader.
Politician-Before you send in your
report of this interview l want to see
it. Reporter-Impossible l sent 1t in
half an hour before l interviewed you!
Life.
Sapleigh-I'm learning to play the
aw-harp, doncher know. Miss Caus-
tique-Indeed Has your physician
given up all hopes Chicago Daily
News.
Pardon me, sir, but isn't there an
other artist in this building" Artist
We'll, that Is matter of opinion.
There Is another fellow who paints
The Model.
"My mistress isn't at home, ma a'am.'
"Please tell her when l saw her peep
ing from the front window as | came
up, l felt so afraid she was."-Balti-
more American.
Judge-Prlsoner, have you anything
to say to the court before sentence Is
pronounced? Prisoner-I beg the court
to consider the youth Of my attorney.
white and Black.
"When your mother-in-law fell into
the water, why didn't you help to get
her out" "My dear madam, you must
know that nothing I've ever done has
pleased her."-Judy.
Mabel (shocked with the recollection
Of it)-Tsn't Edith's new hat just hor-
rid fright? Ethel Gas If receiving con-
gratulations) it? I helped her
select it.-Browning's Magazine.
First Reporter see by the last edi-
tlon that our old schoolmate, Jones,
has committed suicide. Second Re-
porter-Hurry down and you may be
In time to prevent his doing it.-Smart
Set.
money doesn't always bring happi-
ness and peace Of mind" "You ara
right there" answered the man with
an anxious look. sometimes 1t tempts
you to buy automobiles. "-Washingtou
Star.
There are nervous women; there are
hyper-nervous women But women so
nervous that the continual rustic Of Il
silk skirt makes them nervous-no,
there are no women so nervous as thati
-Fliegende Blaetter.
Man (to a frlend)-I am done with
doctors henceforth! One Of them ad-
vised me to sleep with my windows
open. l did so, and the very next
morning my gold watch was gone from
the bureau.-Fliegende Blaetter.
"Why have you taken your son out
Of school without permlssion?" Father
Ga grocer)-But they were running
him; wish to bring him up to carry
on my business, and they were teaching
him that there are sixteen ounces In q
nound.-Il Motto per Ridere.