davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05
CHILDREN TORTURED.
Girl Had Running Sores from Eczema
Boy Tortured by Poison Oak
Both Cured by Cuticura.

Last year, after having my little
girl treated by very prominent ply
stefan for an obstinate case of eczema,
I resorted to the Cuticura Remedies,
and was so well pleased with the al
most instantaneous relief afforded that
we discarded the physicians prescrip-
ton and relied entirely on the Cuti-
cura Soap, Cuticura Ointment, and Gu
ticura Pills. When we commenced
with the Cuticura Remedies her feet
and limbs were covered with running
sores. In about six weeks we had her
completely well, and there has been
no recurrence of the trouble.
I'm July of this year a little boy in
our family poisoned his hands and
arms with poison oak, and in twenty
four hours his hands and arms were a
mass of torturing sores. We used
only the Cuticura Remedies, and in
about three weeks his hands and arms
healed up. Mrs. Lizzie Vincent Thomas,
Fairmont, Walden's Ridge Tenn, Oct.
13, 1906"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05
She Exnerimented.

A little girl of five was taken to
church one Sunday. and listened with
unexpected attention to the sermon,
which graphically told the story of
the shilling of the tempest on the Sea
of Galilee, and how Christ walked on
the waves. In the afternoon her moth
er missed her and began an anxious
search of the house. AS she neared
the bathroom she heard sounds of
splashing, and hurried to the door to
behold a small, excited face peering
over the rim of the big white tub, and
to hear a small, excited voice ex-
claim: Say, mamma, this walking
on the water is quite a trick"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05
Did You Ever.

Did you ever stop to figure out how
much you lose by not knowing exact
" what your COWS are doing from day
to day? Do you ever sit down and
study hard as to why your herd gave
500 pounds of milk one night and
morning and only 273 pounds the Sec
ond night and morning following? Did
you ever add fresh cow to your herd
and find at the end of week that you
were getting only as much milk as
you were before the fresh COW was
added, though you had fully counted
upon maintaining the original flow
and being better off by just one cows
milk? How often were you successful
in getting the herd back to its former
flow under these circumstances?
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05

such an extent by petting his adjec-
tives that he thinks he has Shake
speare on a hot skidoo for the sand
dunes, and when it comes to that po-
etfy he thinks he can make Hank
LongfelloW beat up tree.
Bunch and Alice joined the local
club Of course, and when Bunch read
some Of his poetical outbursts at a
free-and-easy one evening, society got
up on its hind legs and with one voice
declared my old pal Jefferson to be
the logical successor to Robert H.
Browning, Sir Walter K. Scott, Bert
Tennyson, or any other poet that ever
shook quill.
Bunch began to fancy himself some
well, rather!
When Peaches and went out West
chester way a few weeks ago to pass
a week-e end with Bunch and Alice all
we heard was homemade poetry.
When Bunch wasn't ladling out i'm
promptu sonnets Alice was reading
one of his epics or throwing a fit over
q perfectly lovely" rondeau-what-
ever that may be.
It was clearly up to me to hand
Bunch a good hard bump and wake
him up before that poetry germ began
to bite his arm off.
Bunch told me that in response to
the urgent demands of his Westchest-
er society friends he contemplated get
ting out little book Of his poems and
this was my cue.
figured it out that the antithesis of
a book of poetry would be a cook
book, SO / hustled
In few days | had the book framed
up; few days later it was printed,
and before very long Bunch's West
chester society friends were grabbing
for what they supposed was his fever
ish output of poesy.
This is what they got:
BY BUNCH JEFFERSON.
from Recipes Furnished by Famous
F'riends.0
In presenting these Cuckoo Recipes
for the Chatting Dish to his friends Mr.
Jefferson wishes it distinctly under
stood that all doctors bills arising
from free indulgence in any of the
dishes suggested herein must be paid
by the induIgee, and he wishes to
state further that while this book may
contain many aches and pains no
ptomaine is intended.
MOCK BAKED BEANS (from a re
cipe furnished by EX-Mayor Dunne.l-
Take as many buttons as the family
can afford and remove the thread. Add
pure spring water and stew gently till
you burst your buttons. Add little
flour to calm them and let them siz-
zle. Serve with tomato catsup or mo-
lasses, according to the location you
find yourself living on the map. A
quart bottle of Pommery on the side
will help some.
MOCK HAM AND EGGS (from a
recipe furnished by Carter H. Har-
risonl Place the white of a newspa-
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05

cipe furnished by Walter L. Fishery
Always be sure to get a fresh Ham
burger. There is nothing that will
reconcile man to vegetarian diet
so quick as an overrSpe Hamburger.
They should always be picked at the
full of the moon. To tell the age Of
a Hamburger, look at it's teeth. One
row of, teeth for every year, and the
limit is seven rows. Now remove the
wishbone and slice carefully. Add
Worcester sauce and let it sizzle.
Add a pinch of potato salad and stir
gently. Serve hot and talk fast while
eating.
IMITATION BEEF TEA (from re-
cipe furnished by Chief of Police
Shippy) Take the white Of an egg
and beat it without mercy. When it
is insensible put it in the teapot and
add enough hot water to drown it.
Let it drown about 20 minutes, then
lead the yolk Of an egg to the teapot
and push it in. Season with a small
pinch of paprika and let it simmer.
Serve hot, and always be sure to put
a piece of lemon in the inger-bowl.
IMITATION ROAST BEEF (from
receipt furnished by J. Ogden Armour.
Draw from memory the outlines OF q
COW and remove the forequarter.
Place the forequarter on the gridiron
and let it sizzle. Now brown the
wheats and draw one. Add boiling
water and stir gently with an imita-
ton spoon After cooking two hours
try it with can-opener. If it breaks
the can-opener, it is not done. Let it
sizzle. When the supper bell rings
serve hot with imitation pickles on the
side. Nice pickles can be made from
green trading stamps, but be careful
to squeeze out all the premiums from
the green trading stamps before using,
because the premiums. are full of pto-
maine.
IMITATION ROAST TURKEY (fur-
nished by Reginald DeKoven) Find
copy of Thanksgiving day newspa-
per and select therefrom the latest
turkey on page 3. Now, with few
kind words coax the turkey away
from the newspaper in the direction of
the kitchen. Care should be taken
that the turkey does not escape in the
buffers pantry or fly up the dumb
waiter, because the turkey is very
nervous animal. Once you get the
turkey in the kitchen lock the door
and prepare the stuffing. The best
stuffing for a turkey is chestnuts,
which you can obtain from any au-
thor who writes musical comedy. Now
remove the wishbone carelessly and
make a wish Add "a, multiply by 10
and sprinkle with salt. Then rush
the turkey over to the gas stove be-
fore it has a chance to change it's
mind. Let it sizzle for four hours and
serve hot with jib cocktails and Phil
ippine napkins on the side.
MOCK BEEFSTEAK (from a recipe
furnished by Billy Pinkerton) Care
fully remove the Iaces from an old
shoe and put them away, because they
can be used for shoe-string potatoes
just as soon as the potato trust gets
started. Beat the shoe with a ham
mer for ten minutes until the tongue
stops wagging and it gets black and
blue in the face. Then put in che fry.
ing pan and stir gently. Whea it be-
gins to sizzle add the yolk of an egg
and season with parsley. Initiation
parsley can be made from green wall
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05
Dairy Education.

More than ever attention is being
paid to dairy education, whether tho
interest at stake be the making Of
cheese or of butter or the sale of milk
and cream There is no kind of educa-
ton that is more Aeeded than that
relating to the making of dairy food
products. The public can well afford
to encourage this kind of education,
for every instructor in dairying makes
it point to urge cleanliness in dairy
methods. This is a protection to the
people The states that are making
appropriations to help increase dairy
education are doing wise thing.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05
FEET OUT.
She Had Curious Habits.

When a person has to keep the feet
out from under cover during the cold
est nights in winter because of the
heat and prickly sensation, it is time
that coffee, which causes the trouble,
be left off.
There is no end to the nervous con-
ditions that coffee will produce. 1t
shows in one way in one person and in
another way in another. In this case
the lady lived in S. Oak. She says:
Il have had to lie awake half the
night with my feet and limbs out of
the bed on the coolest nights, and felt
afraid to sleep for fear of catching
cold. l had been troubled for years
with twitching and jerking of the
lower limbs, and for most of the time
have been unable to go to church or to
lectures because of that awful feeling
that 1 must keep on the move.
when it was brought to my atten-
ton that coffee caused so many ner-
yous diseases, l concluded to drop
coffee and take Postum Food Coffee to
see il my trouble was caused by coffee
drinking.
81 only drank one cup Of coffee for
brea kfast but that was enough to do
the business for me. When I quit it
my troubles disappeared in an almost
miraculous way. Now have no more
of the jerking and twitching and can
sleep with any amount of bedding over
me and sleep all night, in sound, peace-
full rest.
Postum Food Coffee is absolutely
worth its weight in gold to me"
There's a Reason" Read the little
health classic, "The Road to Well
rule," in pigs.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05
On Having Idols.

It's good to believe that some one
person is the very best person in all
the world-the sweetest, most fra
grant. the daintiest, yet the fairest
minded. So many times, however, the
crash comes, where the idol tumbles
from the pedestal and breaks. Yet,
It's lovely consolation to worship at
the foot of the pedestal so long as
your idol, or ideal. stays putnam.
chester Union.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05
Not Entire

The aeronaut, after painfully ex-
Treating himself from the wrecked
balloon, limped to the nearest farm
house.
Madam" he said to the woman
who answered his knock, "can you ac-
commodate with a nights lodging a
balloonist who has come to grief?"
I'D be glad to- she hesitated, 'but
you are an entire stranger to"
mot an entire one," he interrupted,
with some acerbity. For I have left
my left ear, three teeth, and certain
portions of my nose back there with
the ruined car
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05
Good Use for the Ram.

uniform rate of speed, but this is
solved if heavy fly wheel is at
tached to the tread. While the sketch
shows direct drive from tread to
separator, a more desirable arrange
ment is to have the tread located in a
room adjoining the separator room,
where the milk will not be exposed to
the breath of the animal
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05
Pine Pollen Travels Ear.

The pollen from pine forests often
forms a yellow coating on lakes, or on
the ocean as far as 200 miles from
the shore, and has been mistaken by
peasants for showers OF sulphur. The
pollen grains of the pine are provided
with hollow vesicies, which buoy them
up in the air very much on the prin.
ciple of a box kite.-Nature Studies,
in St Nicholas
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05
Evil of TIMING System.

Although there is a great effort made
to keep secret the thefts in hotels and
restaurants in New York, it is quite
evident they are on rapid increase.
The manager of large restaurant
says the system of having servants
depend almost entirely upon patrons
for their pay lowers their moral STAN
dard and causes them to look on those
they are supposed to serve as their
legitimate prey.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05

per in the frying pan and then cover
the center with an italian sunset
picked fresh from a magazine picture.
This forms the basis OF the egg and It
tastes very realistic. Be sure to get
a fresh newspaper and a fresh maya
zine edited by fresh editor, other
wise the imitation egg will be dull and
insipid. Now add a few slices of
picked linoleum and fry carelessly for
20 minutes. Serve hot with imita-
ton salt and pepper on the side. This
Is daylight dish, because the sunset
effect Is lost if cooked after dark.
HAMBURGER STEAK (from q re-
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05
TREAD POWERS IN DAIRY.
Uniform Rate of Speed Secured by
Use of Heavy Fly Wheel.

While the small gasoline engines
adapted to running cream separators
have been hailed with delight by many
dairymen, the old tread power is still
a very economical and reliable source
of power. With heavy sheep, dog
or the dairy herd bull, enough power
can be produced to run the separator
and churn at practically no cost ex-
cept for the tread.
One difficulty has been to secure a
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05
Beware of OintrnentS for Catarrh
that Contain Mercury.

mercury will surely destroy the sense Of smell
and completely derange the whole system when
entering it through the mucous surfaces. Such
articles should never be used except on prescrip-
tons from reputable Physicians the damage they
will do is ten fold to the good you possibly de-
rive from them Halls Catarrh Cure, manufactured
by f. j. Cheney & Co., Toledo, o. contains no mer-
curry and is taken internally, acting directly upon
the blood and mucous surfaces of the system. In
buying Halls Catarrh Cure be sure you get the
genuine 1t is taken internally and made In Toledo,
Ohio, BY F. J. Cheney & Co. Testimonials free.
Sold by Druggists. Price, 75c. per bottle.
Take Halls Family Pills for consultation.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05
Girls Destined for Harems.

The Circassians, who live in the
northwestern part of the Caucasus,
and who think it is more honorable to
live by plumber than by industry, make
it custom to bring their daughters
up to be sold as slaves to the Turks
and Persians. Circassian beauties,
therefore, shine not in their native
land but in the harems Of the orient.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05
COLLEGES Undesirable Fire Risks.

Colleges are now regarded as rather
undesirable insurance risks, and it is
probable that the rate will be gen.
orally increased. In Is years 784 fires
have occurred in college buildings, en-
failing a loss of $1O,5O0,00O in money
and a heavy loss of life. This makes
the average money loss over $4,000.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05

with my back and
kidneys. I doctored
and used many rene
dies without getting
relief. Beginning with
Doan's Kidney Pills,
1 found relief from
the first box, and two
boxes restored me to
good, sound cOndi-
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05
Jobr1 Henry
on
Chatting
Dishes
By George ". Hobart
Copyright, 1906, BY G. ". Dillingham; Coz

Copyright, 1906, by g. W. Dillingham; Col
pulled a wheeze on Bunch JEFF
ferson few weeks ago that made him
sit I'D and scream for help. Bunch is
the Original Ace all right, but it does
put dust on his dignity to have any
body josh his literary attachments.
Bunch can really sling nasty little
pen, but he isn't anybody's John w.
Milton.
Not at all.
He can take bunch Of the English
language and fatten it around the
edges till it looks quite poetic, but
that doesn't make him George O.
khayyam.
Not at all
The trouble with Bunch is that his
home folks have sWelled his chest to
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05
Ladies Can Wear Shoes

One size smaller after using Aliens Foot
Ease. A certain cure for swollen sweating,
hot, aching feet. At all Druggists, 25c. Ac-
Address A. S. Qlmsted. LIE Roy, n. Y.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05
A Mere Mental Phase.

Bronson-What is a winter resort!
Woodson-A winter resort? Well,
any place you go where you don't let
yourself think it is as cold as it is al
Magazine.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05
BURGLARS Pathetic Wall.

A burglar arrested in London the
other night remarked regretfully: Z
knew the time when l could do 20
houses in two hours. But / am get
ting old"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05

Always say a kind word when you
can, if only that it may come in with
singular opportuneness.-H
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05

ton. Ny wife and many of my friends
have used Doan's Kidney Pills with
good results and l can earnestly rec
ommend them
Sold by all dealers. so cents box.
-Milburn Co., Buffalo, n. Y.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05

You must love your work and not
be always looking over the edge of it
wanting your play to begin.-George
Eliot.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05

Though we may be learned by the
help of another's knowledge, we can
never be wise but by our own wisdom.
-Montaigne.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05

What a man can do is his greatest
ornament and he always consults his
dignity by doing it.-Carlyle.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05

Lots of people manage to keep the
truth pretty busy with it's struggles
To rise
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05

1t is not those who read simply, but
those who think, who become enlight-
ened-Secker.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05
Physicians Recommend CastOria

AST0RA has met with pronounced favor the part physicians pharma-
~ ceucl societies and medical authorities used by physicians with
gratifying The extended of Castoa is unquonaby the
Of three facts fThe idisputabe evidence that it is harmless;
only ays stomach pains and qes the but ass
the food % agreeable and perfect substitute for Castor OIL
absolutely SAFE does contain any Opium Morphine other narcotic
and does tp. unlike Soothing Syups Bamans Drops Godtys
Cordial This good deal for Medical Journal say Our duty how
expose danger and record the advancing health The day
for poisoning innocent children through greed ignorance ought to end 10
knowledge Casoa remedy which produces and health
regulating the system by supplying nd readers entitled to
the information Journal of Health.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05
''Alice Was Reading One Of His Epics."

paper with the scissors. If there is
no green wall paper in the houss
speak to the landlord about it. Let it
sizzle. Should you wish to smother
it with onions now is your chance, be-
cause after cooking so long it is al.
most helpless. Serve hot with hatch
ct on the side. If there are more
than four people in the family use
both shoes.
IMITATION IRISH STEW (from a
recipe furnished by Seumas MacMan~
u.s. Remove the jacket and waist
coat from potato and put in the
saucepan. Add three quarts of boiling
water. Get a map of Ireland and
hang it on the wall directly in front
of the saucepan. This will furnish
the local color for the stew. Let it
boil two hours. When the potatoes
begin to moult it is sign the stew is
nearly done. Walk easy so as not
to brighten it. Add a pint of rhubarb
and serve hot with lettuce dressing.
If the lettuce isn't dressed it ought
to be ashamed of itself.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05
Photograph Dealers Wanted.

Victor, Edison or Zonophone Write w. j.
Dyer & Bro. Jobbers, 10 w. 5th ST., Paul.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05
Does Your Head Ache?

: If 50, get box of Krause's Headache
Norman Lichty Mfg. Co, Des Moines, Ia.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05
DOES YOUR BACK ACHE?
Profit by the Experience of One Who
Has Found Relief.

James r. Keeler, retired farmer,
of Fenner ST., Cazenovia, n. Y, says:
"Abolt fifteen years ago l suffered
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05

Nothing is mare tedious than the
pursuit of pleasure as an occupation.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05

Ship Your Cream to Us.
We always pay the highest market price.
Samels Bros, Minneapolis, MINI.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05
HIGH Cream Prices

Write us to-day for particulars and tags.
MILTON DAIRY CO., st. Paul, MINI.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05
Guns. Traps. DecoYs. Etc.

Lowest prices Write for free catalog MOL
N. w. Hide & Fur Co., Minneapolis, MINI.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05
We Pay Top Price for Cream.

Cash every day. Write for prices and
tags Miller & Holmes. st. Paul. Mimi.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05

Painting is an art with some men
and a habit with some women.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05

l haven't seen Bunch since the book
came out. But l know that he will
get back at me good and hard some of
these fine days.
Copyright. 1906. by G. W. Dillingham; COD
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05

McMurray's Vanilla
Worth dollar drop, sold by all Gro
GERS at a low price.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05

All men want to be able to work,
hut all men do not want to work.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-09-05

Mrs. Windows Soothing Syrup.
For children teething scftens the gums reduces In
dammation, allays PAIN cures wind coiC Csc bottle.
Fault-finding women frequently step
on their own corns.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1907-10-19

report. It is said that short time ago the warden appointed Burgesses Isbell and Daly together with the borough engineer, to be committee to look after the interests of the borough in the work that was to be done by the railroad company near the Union City hose house. On a cer- tain day the borough engineer and Burgess Isbell and Engineer Ester brook. who represented the railroad company, met and talked over the changes that should be made to lm- prove the conditions as that spot, and an agreement was made as to what should be done there. But Bur gess Daily was not at the meeting, be- cause he was not notified that a meet ing was to be held and he was not to blame for being absent The other two members of the committee made out a report in writing and had it all ready to submit to the board for ap- proval and asked that Burgess Daily attach his name as member of the committee, but this, it is said. he re- fused to do. as he didn't believe in do- ing business that way, so now it re- mains to be seen what the board will do about the matter.