Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1907-12-20

write hand as he dasheS OF his clo-
quent and sparkling society honmots
aud his fascinating descriptions of Mrs. |
Browns colonial ball, Mrs. o'i.aner- /
tvs French f,ie. r.:. l.. us tat |
ian musiaal,. or Mrs. John - Smiths |
Japanese lawn party. Ola. lie S'h- 1
ius-ou= soriv,y .i;or."
You dom say
"Yes. Tn" paper simply couldn't eS-
LIST withoutSm."
That So: Queer Colonel Starhuck |
never told me anything about him.
unused the caller.
"Oh. you know the colonel. do your
asked Blake.
Eyes. we're what might call slight.
ly acquainted. had Il Halle business
transaction with him the other day
sold you u gold brick, | suppose"
and Barney winkcd humorouSiy ut the
rest of the staff.
Don't know yet whether ii VIII turn
out TO he gold brick or not. Reckon
| shan't worry any if it does. I've in
vested in gold bricks before, ana the
way figure it its nobody's business
but my own II | do il again.
"Oh. | see" said Barney smoothly.
"a trihe touchy on the gold brick ques-
ton. eh. Mr-er-Ilayseed. is it,
"Not quite. Hayden happens TO be
my name Didn't make quite as slick
guess as you did on the Horace. But
go ahead and call me IIayseed If you
like. You can remember that name
better than Hayden probably. and |
guess IT fits me about rs well as the
other. anyhow. Don't it strike you
that way
"Oh, no. you're no hayseed. You're
right from Chicago or New York city
ANYBODY could tell that from the cut
of your lib" And Barney again pass
| ed the wink to the others. who all felt
in duty bound to roar ut the managing
editors wit.
Nice, genial staff you've got Chuck
/ full of fun. amt they? hope they're
not laughing at me. Iipiu't got
Please Kick Me sign pinned to my
back, have z"
That's all right, Uncle Horace"
| purred Barney. Don't - 10 getting
excited The boys are just spelling
for a little fun-been working under
steam pressure today-but none or
them would ever be guilty of-er-hy
George. they have, just the same. But
it doesn't read Please Kick Me- 1t
SAYS We're From the Farm. And II
| only knew the deep dyed villain who
pinned it on You Ia discharge him
this instant-yes. sir. this very in
stant-and Ia tell him not to come
around again until tomorrow morn
ing" he added in stage whisper as
he stepped around behind the rural
looking visitor and removed the Of
Tending sign, deftly replacing it by an
other handed him by one Of the crowd
reading, "Turnips For Sale
"There; that looks better observes
Barney, at which everybody roareC
promptly once more.
"Not quite so much levity, boys
said Barney reprovingly. Il am goins
to show our friend here through th'
Argus establishment, and | want t
; see how well you can behave while
Biff.
A big wad of paper came sailin:
across the office and caromed on til,
: ear of the caller.
: "rhat was our baseball editor VIII
, did that" explained Barney coolly
"Force of habit, suppose. He prob
5 ably imagined he was throwing a bal
at first base. Don't let that happeI
: again. Higgins"
) "All right, sir" glibly responded tn
= young man who had thrown the pa
per. Mistake, anyhow. ] was aim
2 ing at the wastebashet."
= "Well, seeing you've apologiZed, it
: all right said Barney, with moe
g solemnity.
0 "Now, Mr.. Hayseed-l should sa
: Hayden-you have already been intro
duced to our baseball and society ed
q tors. and if you will cast your optic
t over the rest of the collection of gel
Y fuses before you | will enlighten 20
Q as to their duties SO that when you g
back to the farm you will unIerstan
n the secret of the Argus success i
t gathering and disseminating the dali
e news of the entire world including I'll
city and county of Boomopolis.
r THE exceedingly tall, thin youn
t man with the short hair and prom
t nent ears is Mr.. Perkins, our secrt
service reporter and war correspond
ent. His build, as you will notice, fl
him admirably for the position. He
so thin he can crawl over transol
without the slightest difficulty"
You don't sayw
Fact, | assure you. And that
why a thin man has a marked adval
tagc over 200 FOUNDER. II require
less gas to carry him, and if he fal
from balloon it doesn't muss him II
so much as it would a fat man, Their,
by elfecting Il big saving in doctor
bills for repairing broken ribs, etc"
81 see. Quite an idea, that"
| Eyes. and, besides, Il thin man o.
! curies less space and leaves more ROOF
in the basket of the balloon for til
wireless message apparatus. You SCI
| as fast as the war correspondent in
| balloon gets a message ready to sen
| in to the paper he grinds it out on
4 wireless sending machine, somethin
4 like photograph, and it goes tivin
\ off into space until it strikes the Aeri;
Wireless Telegraph line, over which
| whizzes through the air with almo
| lightning speed until it reaches II
| Argus office. 1t would do you good
| see our Office boy catching the me
sagns In n wire basket as they con
flying in at the window"
"Weil, WE'LL"
snh I toll vn,, fbopo 10, , nil, 4