davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1907-03-15
AN EARLY CALL.
Mark Twain's Story About His Ab-
sentmndsd Brother,

sentmindsd Brother.
One bitter December night Orion
Mark Twain's brother) sat up reading
until 3 O'Clock in the morning and then,
without looking at a clock, sailed forth
to call on young lady. He hammered
and hammered at the door; couldn't
get any response; didn't understand It
Anybody else would have regarded
that as an indication of some kind OF
other and would have drawn infer
ences and gone home, but Orion didn't
draw inferences. He merely hammered
and hammered, and finally the father
of the girl appeared at the door in O
dressing gown. He had a candle In
his hand, and the dressing gown was
all the clothing he had on, except an
expression of welcome, which was so
thick and so large that 1t extended all
down his front to his instep and nearly
obliterated the dressing gown. But
Orion didn't notice that this was an
unpleasant expression He merely
walked in. The old gentleman took
him into the parlor, set the candle on
table and stood. Orion made the
sat down-sat down and talked and
talked and went on talking, that old
man looking at him vindictively and
waiting for his chance waiting treach.
erously and Indignantly for his chance.
Orion had not asked for the young
lady. 1t was not customary 1t was
understood that young fellow came
to see the girl of the house, not the
founder of it, At last Orion got up
and made some remark to the effect
that probably the young lady was
busy and he would go now and call
again. That was the old mans chance,
and he said with fervency, "Why, good
land, aren't you going to stop to break
fast?" - Mark Twain's Autobiography
in North American Review
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1907-03-15
TURNED THE JOKE.
The Way a Bridegroom Got the Laugh
on His "Funny" Chum.

The Way a Bridegroom Got the Laugh
on His Funny Chum.
Under the thin disguise Of harmless
fun many an objectionable rude prank
is played upon newly married couples.
1t Is refreshing to hear of an occasion
al instance IN which the 'joke" reacts
on the joker. A young man and his
bride, who had just been married in a
western town, We're starting on their
wedding journey. They had managed
to reach the train in safety despite the
showers of rice and old shoes.
Just as they had taken their seats in
che car one OF the brfdegroom's chums
came hastily in to bid him goodby. As
the young husband extended his hand
the friend snapped handcuff round
his wrist.
The groom had been suspecting
trick of some kind, and before the
practical joker could play similar
trick on the bride he found the other
handcuff snapped round his own wrist.
He was chained to the happy bride
groom himself
That's a good one ON me, Harry"
he said, with Il sickly kind of smile,
"but I'll have to ask you to come to the
door with me and get the key to these
things from the fellow outside that's
got 1T. Hold on, conductor, just min
utew
But the conductor, whose quick eye
had taken in the situation, refused to
wait. He gave the order for starting,
and the train pulled out. 1t was a
through train and made no stop for
the next fifty miles. Before it stopped,
however, the brakeman. with the aid
of sharp file and hammer, succeed
ed in releasing Harry. The practical
joker meanwhile had had to pay full
fare for the fifty miles and still had
his fare home to pay.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1907-03-15
The Popular Soma.

The definition Of popularity as given
by salesman In large music store is
one that may be applied to other things
besides songs.
''Is this popular song?" asked a
young woman, holding up a sheet OF
music brilliantly decorated in red and
green.
"Well, no. mics" said the salesman,
assuming a Judiciai air, Il cant say il
is as yet. or e)lrse lots CT people are
singing ii, ana oyesyboGy likes Il, but
nobody's got tired enough Of it yet for
1t to he what you'd call a popular song.
miss"
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1907-03-15
Execuurix Notice.

Estate of Michael Fl. Wsilize. late Of
the Borough of Danviile, Montour
county, deceased.
Ill persons indehted to said estate
are requested to make immediate pay
ment and those having legal claims
against the same, will present them
without delay in proper order for set
Element to
MRS. MARY JANE PERSING,
Executrix.
Danville, Pa, Nov. lst. 1906.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1907-03-15
Can you believe your Senses p?

When two Of them. taste and smell,
having been impaired if not utterly
destroyed. by Nasal Catarrh, are fully
restored by Eiy's Cream Balm, can you
doubt that this remedy deserves all
that has been said of it by the thou.
sands whom it has cured? 1t is appli-
ed directly to the effected air-passages
and begins its healing work at once.
Why not get it to-day? All druggists
or mailed by Ely Bros, 56 Warren
Street, New York, on RECEIPT of sc
cents.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1907-03-15
HANDLING A TIGER.
How a TurlSOman Subdaed a snar1
ing, Angry Man Eater.

ing. angry
"In a cage near the room in which
lived while in Khiva," says Langdon
Warner in the Century Magazine,
was tiger from the Oxus swamps
He had taken a dislike to me, and
every time | passed his cage he got
up and paced angrily toward me,
snarling.
Unto the cage of this beast, at the
command of the prince, a Turkoman
stepped. armed with q short stick as
big round as his wrist With this
stick he struck the tigers nose as he
made for him, and then, with palms
out and eyes fixed, he walked slowly
up to the shrinking beast and stroked
his face and flank.
"The tiger snarled and took the
mans hand in his open mouth l held
my breath and looked for the bleed
ing stump to fall away; but, keeping
that hand perfectly still, with the
other he tickled the tigers jowl and
scratched his ear till with yawn and
a pleased snarl the big cat rolled
over on his back to have his belly
scratched.
"The man then sank to his knees
always keeping his hands in motion
over the glossy fur, and with his foot
drew toward him collar attached to
chain. This he snapped round the
beasts neck and, rising to his feet
laid hold of the chain and dragged the
tiger out,
''This was only the second time that
the cage had been entered. AS soon
as the tiger was outside he espied the
watching party and started for them
but came up short on the collar. If he
had chosen to use his weight and
strength no four of them could have
held his tether, but as it was the
Turkoman found little difficulty with
him and held him, snarling, while 9
camera was SnaDDeG'
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1907-03-15
Forest Air.

There is II general impression that
the humidity OF the air is greater In
the woods than in the open fields.
This Is contradicted, however, by the
result of observations made in Ger
many. 1t was found there that the
humidity, both relative and absolute,
was slightly greater in the open than
In the woods. and this was true equal
ly in the morning and in the after
noon. AS to the temperature of the
air among the trees, it was a trifie
higher than In the open In the morn
ing and in more marked degree In
the afternoon.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1907-03-15
Sour
Stomach

No appetite. loss OF strength. nervous
ness, headache. constipation, bad breath.
general debility. sour risings. and catarrh
Of the stomach are all due to indigestion.
kodol relieves Indigestion. This new discov-
cry represents the natural juices of diges-
tion as they exist in a healthy stomach.
combined with tho greatest known tonic
and reconstructive properties. Kodol for
dyspepsia does not only relieve indigestion
and dyspepsls. but this famous remedy
helps all stomach troubles by cleansing,
purifying. sweetening and strengthening
the mucous membranes lining tho stomach.
Mr.. S. S. Ball, Of Ravenswood. W. Va. says
was troubled with sour stomach for twenty years.
for baby"
kodol Di8ests What You Eat.
Bottles only. Relieves Indigestion, sour stomseA
belchine Of gas, eto.
Prepared BY z. O. DeWtTT q co., ohIoAoo,
For Sale by Paulss u Co
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1907-03-15

Vhobt Ill thS uAtiLudt6 IcSOEt. ID Il
modern newspaper? 1t is business
organization, used as other business
organizations are. for the purpose of
promoting the prosperity of its prop
rietors. 1t is not charitable enter
prise any more than the manufactur-
ing establishment or the department
store is a charitable enterprise. The
men who own it have right to ex-
pect their subordinates to so manage
their property as to produce results.
The manufacturer who has a general
manager who proves utterlyipcompet-
eut, the department. store proprietor
whose chief man is losing money ey.
cry monGh, must get rid of the incom.
petent and seek change of methods
unless he expects to go to the wall.
The newspaper whose editor constant
ly offends the public sense of justice,
needs new editor
Does newspaper owe the general
public anything? Unquestionably it
owes Just what the manufacturing
plant or the department store owe
faithful and impartial service and
honest wares. There is no obligation
upon the newspaper that does not also
rest upon every other business enter
prise. But there has always devolved
upon every department of human ac-
tivity the imperative obligation of
common honesty and the "square
DEAL" II patrons of manufacturing
plant find that they are receiving in
ferior goods while some peighbor who
chances to live in a palatial mansion
is being treated better they will go
elsewhere. So will the department
store patrons. And 80 will the sub
scribers and advertisers of newspap-
Ell il they discover they are not get
ting the same treatment meted out to
their neighbors
1t is not the duty of any reputable
family newspaper to print all the
news. Much of the news of the day is
not fit to print. Much of it is so in
ane and trifling that it would be a
shame to burden the columns OF a good
journal with it, Some of it is of such
trivial Importance as to make 1t i'm
material whether it is printed nor
not. Some of it being of a personal
nature, may be used as suits the COM
fort, convenience or desire of the per-
sons Immediately affected. The editor
must be able to exercise a fair degree
of Judgment and he must be willing
to listen to any suggestions that
friends or interested parties may offer
But the supreme duty which the
editor owes to his readers is honesty
and impartiality. He has the right to
adopt any course he prefers so long as
he makes no unfair or unjust discrim
ination But the humblest citizen
should receive from the honest aud
truthful newspaper exactly the same
treatment, under similar circumst-
ances, that is accorded the man of mil
lions. When an editor refuses to do
that he ought to be discharged. When
ne is no longer able to do it he ought
co resign. That much the people have
right to expect from journal which
they trust.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1907-03-15

Young Foley looked so downcast that
the market man asked why he carried
such long face.
"Fired," returned Foley concisely
'FiredT repeated the market man.
"Give you any reason for doing itf"
Yep" Foley said with the air of q
martyr "The boss said he was losing
money on the things was making"
as that SO? What were you max
tng?"
.sMistakes''
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1907-03-15
The Contrast.

A small EagFo boy was putting his
head against the marble steps of the
capitol. He would step back few
feet aal then run toward the steps,
strikiu; Them full force with bis head.
what Oh earth are you doing that
for. b3E :" as.:ed a senator who came
by. Are you going to fight goatT
NAV. sab. is doin' it cause it feels
SO gooI when don't" - Rochester
Democrat and Chronicle,
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1907-03-15

Adam was making his avqwal to
Eve.
"No power shall ever take you from
my side" he declared ferventiy.
That's pretty rash promise, isn't
it, inquired Eve, winking, 'since you
know ! was taken from your side the
first thing after you arrived here?'
Perceiying that the woman was CIV
ing him rib roast Adam went of
sulking in the apple orchard. - Ex-
change.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1907-03-15
Will Protect Game,

Mt Carmel hunters assembled in the
office OF Justice of the Peace Levi
Dietrich aud passed resolutions to
protect the game, which is being kill
sd Oh by illegal hunters The men and
that they would arrest any one they
catch buotiua out OF season.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1907-03-15
New Silk Mill at Shamokin.

Shamokin capitalists have closed
contract with promoters in Patterson,
N. j., to establish local silk mill in
Shamokin that will give employment
to 800 people.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1907-03-15
'Sdeath!

He (eXcitedly)--I tell you the hand.
some dress that millionaire's wife Is
wearing was paid for by blood money.
She (calmly)-Ah, that accounts fol
the gore in the skirt!-Baltimore Amer.
lean.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1907-03-15
NOTICE..
FOR TRANSFER OF
LIQUOR LICENSE.

Petition of james Ryan of the 3rd
Ward of the Borough of Danville,
Penna. for the transfer of his hotel H.
cense from its present location No.
526 Mill Street to the two story brick
building, situate on the North East
Corner of Mill and Centre Streets in
the said Borough. bounded ON the
North by lot of James Grimes, on the
East by an alley, on the South by
Centre ST., and on the West by Mill
St, and known in the plot of said
Borough as No. 800 Mill Street.
Will be presented to the Court of
Quarter Sessions of Montour County,
April 8 A. D. 1907. at 10 O'Clock A.
M.
THOS. G. VINCENT,
CLERK @. s.
Danville, Pa March 18th, 1907.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1907-03-15
A Positive
CURE
EIy's Cream Balm

10 uuieN'J apso'uoo.
Gives Relief at Once.
1t cleanses, soothes
heals and protects
the diseased men,
brane. 1t cures Ca
tarrh and driv g s
away a Cold in the
Head quickly. Re-
stores the Senses of
Taste and Smell. F
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1907-03-15
TRUSTEES SALE
OF VALUABLE
REAL ESTATEl

Pursuant to an order issuing out of
the District Court of the United States
for the Eastern District of the State
of Pennsylvania, the undersigned
Trustee of the estate of William II.
Latimer, Bankrupt, will expose at pub.
lie sale or outcry, at the Court House
steps. in Danville, Montour County,
Pennsylvania, ou
SATURDAY, Mar. %, 1907.
at O'Clock P. NJ. the following de-
scribed real estate:
All that certain part of town lot
of land situate in the First ward of
the Borough of Danville, County of
Montour, State of Pennsylvania, bound
ed and described as follows:
Fronting on Front Street on the
Southwark, adjoining other half of
same lot the estate of Patterson John
son, deceased, on the Westward, an
alley on the Northward and lot now
or formerly Of William O. johnson, Oh
the Eastward, containing in width on
Front Street twenty five feet and ex-
tending back to alley one hundred and
fifty feet.
TERMS OF SALE: Three Hundred
Dollars shall be paid in cash, or certifi-
ed check, upea striking down of the
property; balance within thirty days.
J. HECTOR McNEAL, Trustee.
M. BRECKBILL, Auctioneer.
Danville intelligencer. [volume] (Danville, Pa.) 1859-1907, 1907-03-15
.AIARRH

gists or by mail; Trial Size 10 cts. by mail.
Ely Brothers, Sc Warren Street, New York.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1907-05-18
ANNUAL REPORT OF THE
U. S. RUBBER COMPANY

New York. May 1S.-The annual re-
port Of the United States Rubber COM
pany for the year ending March 81
makes the first authoritative announce
ment on the status of the neg 7tiations
which have been considered with more
or less formality since last year, look
ing to a combination with the Contin-
entail Rubber company,
"A suggested consolidation with the
Continental Rubber company" the re-
port says, was deemed by your direc-
tors to be nou-adyisable in the pres
ent development OF the so-called me-
chanical process Of obtaining crude
rubber through the grinding up of
shrubs producing the gum, which Is
done extensively by the Continental
Rubber company but that company
and the General Rubber company have
nov agreed upon the terms OF an ar
rangement which insures comp etc har-
monv and the corporation hereafter
between the United states Rubber
company and the Continental Rub"er
company and between those connected
with both companies
The Continental Rubber company.
which is controlled by Thomas f.
RYAN. the Rockefellers and the GuF-
gcnheims. IS now n subsidiary OF the
international Rubber company, which
also owns the American Congo com
many.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1907-05-18
BETTER WEATHER
AIDS RETAIL TRADE
Payments Are More Prompt But
Conditions Still Remain
Irregular.
FARM PRODUCTS ADVANCE.
Reactions Emphasize Speculative Ma
lure of Dealing Bus
incss in Fall Trade Brisk,

New York, May 17.--R, C, Dun &
Company's Weekly Review Of Trade
tomorrow win say
Improvement in retail trade followed
the advent of seasonable weather at
many points and payments We're more
prompt as spring merchandise was dis
tributed, but conditions are stiil irregu-
lar Sensational advances in prices Of
farm products, especially wheat, fol-
lowed reports OF extensive damages to
the crops, but frequent reactions em~
phasized the speculative nature Of the
rise In quotations and tended to re-
store confidence. Wholesale trade IN
fall goods is brisk from all points en-
cept where the crops have been serious
~ injured and the net result of his
forward business makes the outlook
for the future fairly satisfactory.
There was large tonnage of struc-
tural shapes, chiefly for building In the
west. although bridge work continues
to take much steel.
The only change In hides is the sen
sonable Improvement in shorter-haired
skins of late saltings.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1907-05-18
AFRAID Of PARALYSIS.
A NERVOUS SUFFERER CURED
BY DIR. WILLIAMS PINK PILLS.
The Medicine That Makes Rich, Red
Blood and Performs Wonders as a
Tonic for the Nerves.

why are nervous people invariably
pale people7
The answer to that question explains
why remedy that acts on the blood
can cure nervous troubles.
II explains why Dr. Williams Pink
Pills for Pale People are also for ner-
vous people.
II Is because OF the intimate relation
between the red corpuscles in the blood
and the health OF the nerves. The
nervous system receives its nourish-
ment through the blood. Let the blood
become thin weak and colorless and
the nerves are starved.the victim Is
started on the road that leads to ner-
vous wreck. Nervous people are pale
people---but the pallor comes first.
Enrich the blood and the nerves are
stimulated and toned up TO do their
part of the work Of the body. Dr.
Williams Pink Pills make red blood
and transform nervous. irritable, all
Ing people into strong, energetic,
forceful men and women.
Mrs. Harriet T.. Porter. of 20 Liberty
avenue, South Medford Mass, says:
Il had never been we'll from child
hood and a few years ago ] began TO
have dizzy spells At such times
could not walk straight. ] was afraid
of paralysis and was on the verge of
nervous prostratlon. Then neuralgia
set in and affected the side of my face.
The pains in my forehead were excru-
ciating and my heart panied me so
that my doctor feared neuralgia OF the
heart. / tried several different kinds
OF treatment but they did me no good.
"One day my son brought me some
of DR.. Williams Pink Pills and ! found
that they strengthened my nerves. /
took several boxes and felt better in
every way. There were no more dizzy
attacks. the neuralgia left me and |
have been q well woman ever since"
DIR. Williams Pink Pills are invalua-
able in anaemia, rheumatism, after
effects of the grip and fevers and in
sick headaches. nervousness, neuralgia,
and even partial paralysis and loco
motor ataXia.
Our booklet Nervous Disorders, a
Method of Home Treatment" will be
sent free on request to anyone inter-
ested. Write for IL today.
pr Williams Pink Pills are sold by
all druggists, or will be sent, postpaid.
on receipt of price. so cents per box,
six boxes for $3.50 by the DR.. WIZ
liams Medicine Company. Schenectady
n. Y.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1907-05-18
C. w. & NJ. co. BRANCHES
ALL DOING FINELY,

Mr.. George I, Odell, general manager
of the Consolidated Wagon * Machine
Co, returned on Thursday from "A fly
ing trip of inspection to the various
branches of the company in the Snake
River valley. Idaho. He was met by
G.. G. Wright, manager Of the branch
at Idaho Falls who steered his own
automobile. Others who were picked
up on the trip at various times. We're
James a. Fryer, of st. Anthony, Lester
II. Wright of ReXhurg, and Gilbert j.
Wright Of Idaho Falls In speaking
of his visit to the various branches,
Manager Oden says that he was graft
fed and surprised 10 find the evidences
of spring prosperity all UP and down
the line. Cold weather at first retard-
ed the crops, but the few warm days
recently added to the rains Of the
18th and 18th had done great deal
of good. The small grain was gem
orally we'll up and Mr. Mark Austin,
who is in charge of the beet sugar
interests in the Snake River valley,
said that the beet crop was coming
along nicely.
MIR. Odel gave special attention to
the new country around Marysville ana
Ashton, and said he was astonished
OF some Of the stories which came to
him about the crop OF oats raised on
the lands in that vicinity. The towns
which he visited IN the interests OF his
company. were. Idaho Falls Ashton,
Marysville, ReXburg, Sugar city,
Parker and Salem.
Indications for a rushing spring
business in the vehicle and implement
lines continue more than good and the
G w. & NJ CO. are fully stocked up
prepared for any kind of a rush that
spring and summer may develop.
ALL THEY NEED Is PEOPLE,
Mr.. odell says the one need of the
prosperous Snake River valley today
Is people. They have plenty Of land,
but IL Is rather sparsely settled. The
new town of Ashton. where they were
entertained by MIR. II. q. EULER, has
made great strides and contains a
number Of we'll stocked stores and then
there is the well appointed Ashton hu-
tel as well as the newspaper the En-
tsIprsc At this office Mr. Odell mo-
ticed a Washington hand press and
thinks II Is the same one used In Og-
den and salt Lake forty years ago.
While the roads are generally good for
autumobillng, Mr. Odoll would not re-
commend travelling with anything
lighter than a 40-horse power machine.
Some of the roads are pretty rough
and he said. that If the supervisor be-
tween ReXburg aud Idaho Falls Mr.
Nowlln. were not "A personal friend,
he would be apt to use some strong
Language over the condition of his
thoroughtares.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1907-05-18
mn REsT FRIEND.

Alexander Benton. who lives on
Rural Route /. Fort Edward, y. y
says: OR Kings New Discovery rs
my best earthly friend II cured me
OF asthma six wears ago. II has also
performed wonderful cure u lncip-
ient consumption for my sons wife
The first bottle ended the terrible
cough ana this accomplished the 9TH
or symptoms left one by one, until she
was perfectly well. Dr, Kings New
Discoverys power over coughs ana
colds Ia simply marvellous" No other
remedy has ever equaled IT, Fully
guaranteed by u. C. NJ l. Drug Dept,
il9-ll4 Main 81. SOC and 800 Trial
bottle free.