The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-12-01

around the Hotel St. Reck-
 less that the House Detective had contracted a sentimental attach ment somewhere. This suspicion clar. flied into absolute belief in the Hotel Clerks mind when the House Detec- tive raised his highball glass the other evening as the two sat together in the gentlemen's grill and gave the fol lowing toast
 Well, here's to the weaker sex, Mr. McBean''
 ''Meanin' by that. I suppose, the la dies-Heaven bless them, and help us," said the Hotel Clerk.
 Sure I meant 'em,'' explained the House Detective, slightly puzzled. T said the weaker sex"
 Well don't you ever do it again, said the Hotel Clerk severely. Next time you have kindly thoughts for the weaker sex and want to do anything for them go and buy yourself good cigar. But don't fall into the error of calling woman the weaker sex She's the strongest sex we've got
 Well, ain't we allus called 'em that?" demanded the House Detective
 Maybe we have" said the Hotel Clerk, "but did you ever know sud denly retired heavy weight champion that didn't think twas an accidental punch that did for him, and say, if he got another chance he could win with both hands tied behind his back and all his teeth pulled out? I make no doubt, Larry, that our mutual father-I refer to Adam--went right on his blind and foolish way referring to Eve as the weaker sex after she'd been responsible for getting him fired out of his old job and was teaching him how to make a decent living for the family in the new one. No. sir, we fell into the habit of calling them the weaker sex several thousand years before the lady animals showed the gentlemen animals how to march up Noah's gangplank and we've kept it ever since for the same reason that Jim Corbett refused to concede that FitZ hit fair whallop that time out at Carson City.
 "I had an uncle once, Larry, a large. fine, strong man that belonged to all the secret orders that are named after beasts and birds and ran a coal of. flee when he wasn't looking after bus mess at the lodge. He had a very Impressive way about him. When he said 1t was a fine day it sounded like somebody starting to read the Declara- ton of Independence and when he unhuttoned his vest 1t made you think Of opening the doors of an engine house. Well, one wet night he came home from lodge social suffering rom a serve attack of alcoholic gherkins and carrying heavy supply Of the kind of dignity that such a cargo so often generates in the bosom of man. His wife met him at the door. She was waiting for him. Out of my way, pore weaker vessel he says to her, letting down his umbrella and trying to put 1t in his inside coat pocket. "A weaker vessel I may be, she says, but thank Heavens I'm no demijohn,' and then she laid her hand upon his neck in an affectionate strangle holt and they went inside the house together. She only weighed about 90 pounds when she had all her hair switches on and much of the time the enjoyed poor health, but next morn. ing at the breakfast table he had a face like a cross-barred cranberry pie. Under his eye was the place marked (X) showing where the fatal blow was struck, as the newspapers say.
 Larry, you were around to tho Horse Show one night last week, wasn't you? Did you notice how the society ladies and the almost so- ciety ladies sat there hour after hour patiently enduring the remarks of what they'd brought with them and wearing their offificial smiles so that all tbe common people walking around the ring might have real treat for once in their lives? Maybe you heard of quite few gentlemen being removed in state of exhaustion, overcome by the close air, the crush and the agony of hearing band playing all the songs that George Cohen and Cole and John son ever wrote, over and again. You may have heard of some of the horses weakening under the intense strain. But did you hear of any of the fair ladies who ornamented the Garden during our week of combination horse show and financial depression fainting or weakening? You did not and never will,
 And now if you've still got any doubts as to which is the weaker sex I invite your attention to our grand opera which is about the only real solace our depleted millionaires have left except wishing certain party