The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1907-05-23

oul. ne ADVISES Wnen tile proper
moment has arrived to execute the
squeeze play. He counsels them when
to steal. He tells 'em everything. The
game is just the primer in big letters
for him. He knows more about it
than Ned Hanlon ever dreamed of
knowing. He takes it sorely to heart
when the home players don't do just
as he tells 'em. He locks like some
body abused when they do it the other
way. He knows burned we'll, so he
does-and says so-that if the team
had done it just his way last year
they'd have finished in the first divi-
sion for pipe. He's the instructor,
all right. What he doesn't know about
the coaching gag when it comes to
inside ball could be inscribed under
the left wing of dwarfed gnat.
A depressing, soul-searing rooter,
this boy. too. Let's take another little
excursion into the free domain of hope
and root that he will not be with us
in any appreciable numbers this year.
The knocking RoOter.
The rooter who picks on certain in
dividual players of the home club of
whom he doesn't himself approve, be-
longs also to the index expurgatorius.
There's a deal of bile in this rooter's
system. He is possessed with fixed
dislike for some certain player. of the
home club, say. Well, that settles it.
It's all off with that certain player
see that player with lens as big as
Homestead blast furnace stack. and
he desires-in fact, demands-every-
body to know it. That player, he as
serts, asseverates, VOWS and vums,
couldn't play marbles with his little
brother, much less baseball. He
couldn't play on rag carpet with a
broomhandle. He couldn't play jacks
on the front steps. He ought to be
rolling hoop down hill. He's
fat-head and shoemaker He be-
longs with some grip league on the
class 2 circuit. Maybe he might do
as utility man with the White
Horse Rapids team up in the kloh-
dike-but only maybe. Look at him
fall over himself. the big slob! Yah!
There he goes again, bootin' an easy
one! He couldn't hit a street car
with popgun if he was standing
inside of it. Hi! watch him drop
that little bit of an easy one that
any kid from the foundlings' home 'ud
eat up alive! There's no use atalk-
in, that dub ought to be driving
brick wagon. Whoever picked him
out to play ball with a major league
nine must sure have had one of them
Thaw-storms at the time.
And that's the way this type OF
rooter bawls along, nagging players
that are doing their best-that may.
at the time, be suffering from the
temporary doldrums in which the
very best of players find themselves
on occasions.
He isn't any nice kind Of fell
low, this type of rooter. But It's an
age when the elimination OF the more
disagreeable types and species is go
ing on all along the line. Maybe
the nagging rooter will take fall to
himself one OF these blithe old days
and vanish adown the ashphodel
meadows. He won't be missed.
The Worst Type OF All.
Neither will that still more malign-
ant type OF rcoter who has got 1t
in for the whole team. This boy
belongs to the I-told-you-so's. Didn't
he know all along that the team
would never make good? Sure he
did. He knew-or more often know
edit! The teams bunch Of mis-
fits, and that's all there is to it. The
team isn't meant It's joblot. Play
ball? Ha! ha! ha! Why. that bunch
couldn't play tiddledywinks with
team from the Old Ladies Home!
Same old gag! Lots of promises and
nothin' dom!
This type of rooter is, as a matter
of fact, the most hopeless and ut
terly discouraging type of the whole
fitout. He is the chief pessimist of
all the surroundings. He jeers and
boots uproariously every time any
body on the home club makes a
mistake. Wowee. There they go
again! Going up! He hopes that
every team that comes along'll wallop
'em. Yes, he wants to see 'em wal
lapped-and then this malignant type
OF walloper looks around deffantlS.
for he is }pugnacious cuss. and he
doesn't care who hears him say it.
and he'd like to see anybody knock
the chip off his shoulder! The teams
gang of NUTS. and that's all there
is to it. Here, he's been digging up
see lot OF bOobs and hacks rare and
gyrate around. etc.
There are several other well-knOwn
types OF rcoters, but we observed In
the top line of the story that we were
going to be brief. and we're going to
keep our word.
Anyhow. it's the one grand, good
thing that these specified types are
in the immense. preponderating and
overwhelming minority. The trenlen-
dously major number. OF rooters are
kindly, benevolent. alowance-making,
hopeful. sympathetic, bully good chaps
with what our old mate Shakespeare
calls 1.-The good gravies" of helpful
ness in them-and SO here's to them!
Charles l.. Cullen in the Washing
ton Star.