davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-04-18
Mark TwaIn's Ant.

mark Twain in one Of his amusing
books of travel attacks the ant, said
a nature student. He ridicules the
idea that the ant is industrious and
wise. He devotes three or four pages
to an account of an ant making Its
way homeward with burden. He
shows the ant climbing grass stems
instead of going round them. doing a
hundred silly things, taking in every
case the long and foolish instead Of the
short and sensible way home. And
hence, naturally enough. he concludes
that the ants wise industry is over
rated-naturally enough, cay, Marx
Twain's ignorance being granted, for
he was unaware when he wrote that
long and interesting passigethat many
kinds Of ants are blind. He DID not,
for all his close observation, take up
his little ant subject, look for it's eye
sockets and find them absent. 1t was
a blind ant Mark Twain studied, and
he didn't know it"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-04-18
she Made a Sight Mistake.

James McCres, the new president
Of the Pennsylvania Railroad, said IN
an interview in Pittsburg. apropos
Of false charge against . financial
institution
This charge vas more than rsfut-
ed. Tue institution came out With
flying colors. It reminds me Of "a
incident that happened when was .
rodman in my youth.
working on the Connsllsvills line.
l took number Of meals with mid
dle.sged farmer and his wife. One
day at dinner / noticed that the far.
mer's wife seemed rather out Of sorts.
and after dinner wasn't surprised
to hear her say:
Josiah Simmons. 10 think tbas
you have forgotten that this is the
anniversary of our weddinei'
sold josh flushed guilty, looking
up from his paper with start. Then
be frowned and said in . surprised
voice !:
"Why, mother, you must be mis-.
taken. We were married o. the 9th.
The wife bit her lip.
"'oh. excuse me, she said, Il vas
thinking Of my 6rst marriage anui-
versary.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-04-18
Cedar Wood for Lead Pencils.

The lead pencil is one Of the most
common articles in everyday use, and
nearly $4,000, 600 pencils are manu-
featured in this country every year.
To manufacture these millions of PEN
cils there are required ITO 600 tons,
or 1900, 900 cubic feet, of wood, so
that each day in the year 800 tons. or
20, 900 cubic feet, of wood are used for
pencils. Since practically all of the
wood is red cedar, and since the pen
Gil industry is steadily growing. the
supply of red cedar is greatly depict
ed yet no substitute has been found
for it. Leaving out Of consideration
the imported pencils, the average edu-
Gated American over 10 yesrs of age
uses six pencils Of home manufacture
each year. Ten years ago he used lees
than FIVE.
Red cedar has soft. straight grain,
and when grown under best conditions
is very free from defects. Because OF
its peculiar qualities no equally good
substitute for it has ever been found.
and it is doubtful if any other wood
using industry is SO dependent upon a
single species as the pencil industry is
dependent upon red cedar. 10 fact,
red cedar suitable for pencil manufac-
ture is the only wood the price Of which
is always quoted by the pound.
Strange as it may seem, no steps
have heretofore been taken to provide
for a future supply ofred cedar. This
has been largely due to lack OF in
formation on the rate Of growth and
the habits of the tree, and to the wide.
spread belief that second-growth red
cedar never reaches merchsntsble size.
In accord tncs with its policy toward
the conservation and economic use of
commercial woods, he Forest Service
has made careful study of red cedar
and has come to the conclusion that
it can pro6tably be grown in regions
of its development. Several changes
are recommended in present forest
management in order to secure the
desired growth. In the southern for
ests the cedar will have to be given
better chance instead Of being consId-
cred, as now, a negligible quantity in
its younger stages, and many of the
forest-grown trees which are now cut
for fence posts cau proftably be left
to attain their full development and
thus become available for pencil wood
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-04-18
The Old Germans Scheme.

One of our exchanges tells of an old
German who had boy of whom he
was very proud, and decided to find
out the trend of his mind. he adopt
ed novel method by which to test
him.
He slipped into the boys room one
morning and placed on his table
bottle of whiskey, Bible and silver
dollar. Now" said he, when dot
boy comes in if he takes dot dollar,
he's going to bea beeznis. man; If he
takes dot Bible he's going to be
preacher if he takes dot whiskey be 8
no good, and going to be drunkard.
Then he hid behind door to see
which his son would choose. In came
the boy whistling. He ran up to the
table. picked up the Bible and put 1T
under his arm, then snatched up the
bottle, took two or three drinks, pick
ed up the dollar and put it in his
pocket, and went out smacking his
lips.
The Dutchman poked his head out
from behind the door and exclaimed:
"Mein Got. he is going to be q boliti-
cian."
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-04-18
MY SHIP.

II all the ships have at sea
Should come s-sailing back to me,
Ali Well-the harbor could not hold 80 many snip
As there would be.
II all my ships came in rom sea
II half my ships came home from sea.
And brought their precious freight 70 me-
Ali WE'LL should have wealth as great
As nv king who sits in state
So rich the treasure that would be
In half my ships. now out at sea.
r. ast one ship / have At sea
.,nould come a-saiting home to me,
Ali weII-the storm cloud then might frown'
For, If the others all went down.
Still rich. and glad and proud I'd be.
II that one ship came in from sea
IL that one ship went down at sea,
And all the others came to me,
All weighted down with wealth untold,
With honor glory. rich as gold,
The poorest soul on earth I'D be,
II that one ship went down at sea
Oh skies, be calm, oh winds blow free,
Bl all my ships safe home to me.
But il thou sendest some a-wreck.
To never more come sailing back,
Send any, all that skim the sea,
But send my love ship home TO me.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-04-18
Cousin sallie billiard.

The amusing court story OF Cousin
Sallie DAlard and the fight at Rlce's,
recently retold in the Richmond
Tlmes.D dispatch, has been a favorlte
story among the lawyers OF the Old
Dominion for many years. Here 1t
ID:
About forty years ago Captain Rice
resided in Richmond, and owned a
farm in Chesterfield county. On one
occasion he erected mill on his plan.
tation, and as was the custom OF the
day, on the completion of the work,
..gin a treat" to which the nelghbors
generally were hidden. During the
festivities on the occasion referred to
two of the parties present engaged In
in a fight, and one of them was severe
" wounded. The assailant was ar
rested, and at the trial man Was
found who said he knew all about the
row. He was summoned to appear
and give his testimony in the case,
which he did.
The Court: Twill you tell US what
you know about the fight ?"
Witness "That's jes what I'm try.
Ing to do, ledge. Well, Cap'n Rice
he gin a treat, aud Cousin Sally Dill
lard"
The Court: "Stop Stop We don't
want to hear any more about Cousin
Sally billiard. Tell us about the fight
at Rlce's."
Witness "Well, Cap'n Rice he
gin treat, and Cousin Sally billiard
-"
Again the court stopped him, but
finally agreed to let him tell the story
in his own way.
Witness "Well, Cap'n Rice he gin
treat, and Cousin Sally billiard she
come over to our house and axed me
if my wife she moughtn't go. We'll,
I told Cousin Sally billiard my wife
she was complainin right smartly with
the rheumatic in the hip, and t ar
was big swamp cross the road, aud
the swamp WAS up, but, howsomever.
being as how it was Cousin Sally Dbl.
lard. my wife she mought 60. Cousin
Sally billiard she a1ed me if Nose ne
mought go. l told COUSIN Sally Dill
lard Mose he was TO 'eman of the crap,
and the crap was smartly in the grass,
but, being how it was she, Cousin
Sally billiard, Nose he mought go
Well, Nose, my wife and Cousin Sally
billiard they all went, and when they
got to the big swamp cross the road,
Nose and Cousin Sally billiard they
walked cross on the log like genteel
folks, but my wife she, like darned
fool, pulled up her clothes and wadsd
right through, and my wife she's been
laid up with the rheumatic ever since
and that's all I know about the fight
aa Rice's Mill"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-04-18
Hard Tlmes IN Kansas.

The old days Of grasshoppers and
drouth are almost forgotten Ia the pros
perous Kansas OF to-day; although a
citizen If Codell, Earl Shamburg. has
not vet forgotten a hard time he en-
countered. He says: 81 was worn out
and discouraged by coughing night and
day. end could find no relief till 1 tried
DR.. Kings New Discovery. lttook less
than one battle 70 com pletely cure me. ;"
The safest and most reliable cough and
cold remedy aud lung and throat healer
ever discovered. Guaranteed By Hills
Pharmacy.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-04-18

When Judge Stevens, of North
Carolina, was in Ashevllle recently,
he entertained some friends by tell
/ ing some of his experiences BE said
an old colored woman was brought be-
fore him charged with misdemeanor.
The offeuse was 80 small that the
Judge decided that the pay ment OF a
small fine would be sufficient punish
ment. He knew the old woman had
no money, 30 he questioned her about
any other possessions she might have.
"Have you a COW, auntie2 he be-
gan.
Deed yeh honor, amt got no
cow
Have you any ducks ?"
mo, Sir. amt got none"
ANY geese or chickens2"
"Befo' de Lawd, Jedge, l amt got
uothin' but jss' dis yere rheumatic.
The Judge said he dismissed the
case.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-04-18
Wanted.

Poplar Pulp Wood at Six Dollars per
cord on board cars.N & w. r. R. Shep-
herdstown, or any other station be
tween Hsgerstown, Md, and Berryville,
Virginia. Second growth in diameters
six inches upwards. Timber that sea es
too small for saw-mill use preferred.
Wood must be green and reasonably
free from black or rotten knots and
sawed evenly fur feet long. Prompt
payment and correct measurement
guaranteed Address,
SHENANDOAH PULP COMPANY,
Harper's Ferry, w. Va.
Jan. 10, l907-3m
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-04-18

A college president visited hotel
in New York; and when he left the
dining room, the negro in charge of
the hats picked up his hat without
hesitation and handed it to him.
"How did you know that was my
hat, when you have a hundred there 2"
asked the professor.
II didn't know, sab" said the
negro.
Didn't know it was mine2 Then
why did you give it to me2"
Because you gave it to me, sah.'
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-04-18
sHEPHERDsTOWN w. Va. THURSDAY. APRIL 10, 1907.
Stories of oId-rime Darkies.

Hon. John Sharp Williams, of Mis-
sissippi, is the rsputed author of sew
eral humorous stories about old-time
darkies:
While driving along road near
my home, in Mississippi, observed a
darby resting under tree, and said !:
What are you doing there, Sam p
Zee heah to hoe dat corn, sab,
was the answer.
Then what are you doing under
the tree-resting2'
mot exactly, sab. amt hardly
restin', cause l amt tired. I'm wait.
in TO shutdown, sos l kin quit work. T"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-04-18
How to Avoid Appendicitis.

Most victims OF appendicitis are those
who are habitually constipated. 0rino
Laxative Fruit Syrup cures chronic
constipation by stimulating the liver
and bowels and restores the natural &C.
ton of the bowels. O,ino Laxative
Fruit Syrup does not nauseate or grippe
and is mild and pleasant TO take, Re-
fuse subtitutes. Hills Pharmacy.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-04-18

"out OF sight. out OF MUD" IL an
old saying which applies with special
force 70 q sore, burn or wound that has
been treated with Bucklen's Arntcs
5alye. It's out OF sight. out Of mind
and out OF existence. Piles too and
chilbIains disappear under IT, healing
influence. Guaranteed BY Hills Phsr.
macy.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-04-18
To the Afflicted.


DR.. c.. H. Whiting, late with DR..
Watson of New York, Graduate OF Med
icine for the past AZ years, and who has
for the past % years made disease OF
the rectum his specially, desires to it,
form his patrons and the public thathe
has removed TO 92S N. Fulton Avenue,
Baltimore, Nd, where he has every fac
ilitv for the above treatment, which is
so thoroughly advanced that his patrons
are not prevented from attending To
their duties, nor are surgical operations
resorted to. He makes no charge for
consultation or examination. Ladies
treated at their homes by skilled lady
attendants. Dr. Writings process
knows not the meaning of the word
''failure." Why suffer this dread dis
ease when permanent relief is at hand.
Phone Madison l744 Y. Thousands of
testimonials presented upon applica-
ton.
Have cured two doctors IS years old,
who had practiced medicine for GO
years, also cured one man SS years old,
who lived for five years afterwards, and
cured woman so years old. The treat
ment is concluded in from three to five
minutes, and no bad effects afterward.
People gain from % to so pounds after
treatment.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-04-18

We have rarely seen simple child
story that is more touching than the
following:
This is my home J" cried treas
ured little one of five. as fresh aud
rosy be came in and tossed his cap TO
one side.
Indeed, Willie" said his father,
"how is it your homer" Suppose
you go out on the sidewalk and try
at the next door, suppose you step
into the entry. throw of your jacket
as you have here, and go into the par
lor would not that be your home :"
mo, indeed. said Willie, 1T would
not.
"But tell me why mott"
Willie had never thought Of this.
he paused for moment, then direct
irg his eyes to where his mother quiet
ly sat sewing. replied with an
earnest gesture, -Shs would not be
there"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-04-18

There is an old negro down in my
town who did me service. l want
ed to reward him, so | said:
Uncle, which shall l give you, a
ton of coal or bottle of whisky p
For de Lo'd, M4ssa," he replied,
'yuh sho'ly knows / buhn wo1d."
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-04-18

GOOD for everything salye Il good
fer and especially Recommended for
les That Is what We say about De-
wits carbolized Witch Hazel SzIye.
That Is what twenty years OF usage hss
proven. Get the original ksiDharr's
Pharmacy.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-04-18
This NAV Iuterexf Won.

No one is immune from Kidney tfou-
bic, 50 Just remember that Foley's Kid
ney Cure will stop the irregularities and
cure any case Of kidney and bladder
trouble that 10 not beyond the reach Of
medicines. Hills Pharmacy.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-04-18

When you need pill. take 3 pill,
and be sure it's an Early Riser. De-
Wits Little Early Risers are safe, sure,
s satisfactory pills. The pills vito q
reputation. They do not grippe or sick
en-. Sold at Reinhart's Pharmacy.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-04-18

What is Il taat tastes - pjsasaas e
maple sugar and quickly relieves oongho
and colds Mothess Who hove - %
viii quickly answer J; "Keenody'b Lar
stiys Cough Syrup" TIE pleonsst
cold remedy that e1peio TIE oon
through its laxative action on ~ wv
els Conforms stsicsIy - NJ PsPs Ropd
and Dfuxz Law. contasGs - o0tssg1k
Sold By Reinhart's Pharmacy.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-04-18

There are many tonics in the land,
As by the papers you cen see;
But none of them can equal
HOLSTERS Rocky Mountain Tea.
At Reinhart's Pharmacy.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-04-18

Mrs Knicker-Weren't you fright
ened when the bull beloved at you
on account Of your new dress2
Mrs. Bocker-No, it was exactly
the way Henry behaved when he got
the bill.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-04-18
Respect
YOUR
Stomach

|IVE it food that will not irritatc or
0retard the performance ofits natural
functions, and it will reciprocate in way
agreeable and comforting.
No single ingredient contributes so
largely toward wholesome, nourishing,
agreeable food as Royal Baking Powder.
Royal Baking Powders active ingre-
dent, Grape Cream of Tartar, is the
most healthful of the fruit products.
This is why Royal Baking Powder
makes the food finer, lighter, more appe-
thing and anti-dyspeptic, friend to the
stomach and good health.
Imitation Baking Powders Contain Alum
"The use of alum and salts of aIumina In
food should be PROHIBITED. The con.
slant use of alum compounds exerts q
deleterious effect upon the digestive
organs and an irritation Of the internal
organs after absorption.
edward S. WOOD. m. D.
professor Of Chemistry
"tiaryard Medical school, Bostoa."
CO..
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-04-18

where did Columbus first land?"
asked the teacher. Il don't know
num-" was the response of little John
Lefthook. 81 didn't read de accounts
of de fight.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-04-18

II am going to see your father about
you, said teacher to a boy who had
exhausted her patience.
"If Jon do you'll nev~r come back. I"
why p demanded the teacher;
Cause ps . dead
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-04-18

When Thomas A. Edison was liv-
ing in Menlo Park visitor from New
York said to him one day:
''By the way, your front gate needs
repair. 1t was all | could do to get
it open. You ought to have it trim
med, or creased, or something.
Mr.. Edison laughed.
"ob, no." he said. "0h. no.
"wby not p asked the visitor.
Because" was the reply. "every
one who comes through that gate
pumps two buckets of water into the
tank on the roof.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-04-18

Frau Wernher-My Elsie is such a
sharp child. She repeats everything
she hesrs
Her Elsie-Ol mummy, I've never
told anyone that you have false teeth.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-04-18
We Eat Too Much Meat.

Men should choose their own food, '
said DR.. W. Il Wiley, the pure-food
expert of the Bureau of Chemistry in
Washington, the other day. Lots
ofpersons are vegetarisns. and | think
that all Of us are inclined to eat too
much meat because it is the frat thing
we notice on looking at menu card.
Il voluntarily cut down my meat
diet to one meal a day, and do not eat
very much then. For persons who
do hard physical work nothing it
better than starch or sugar. The cs-
Relocating can endure more hardships
than meat-eating people.
Japanese who eat a pound of rice
day can draw you around town all
day in cart and never feel it. You
never could do that on pound Of
meat.
"The whole theory Of food selection
lies in eating what you need when you
need it, and not establishing one menu
to be served every day Of yodr life
You might eat typhoid germs one day
without contracting thu disease. bat
if your health is broken down the sys.
tenn cannot reject them.
Every man has pneumonia germs
in his mouth. 1t will not affect the
healthy being, but let him contract q
bad cold and thsSgerm will find a
lodging place in his lungs."
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-04-18

Mrs.. Gssser-I was outspoken in
my sentiments at the club this alter
Loon.
Mr. Gasser-I can't believe It !
Who outspoke you, my desr7
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1907-04-18

Pop !"
"Yes. my con.
How are Iobsters caught? Z"
. $50 and ash your mother, my boy"
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1907-01-23
FROM FANCY 70 FACT.
Delightful and Novel Experience
Rudely DIspsiled.

"oh. thank you!" exclaimed the de.
lighted wife, as her husband handed
her large bunch of money and told
her to go right down town and buy
everything she liked.
Don't mention It," replied the hus-
band. Il want you to have everything
your heart desires in the way Of
dresses and bonnets this winter.
realize that have not been as gen.
erous as l should have been, and
hope may be able to make up for It
now. Here, take this double handful
OF $40 gold pieces, too. Look out,
there! You're dropping Them
But the double handful Of gold EOS
fell to the floor and went jingling here
and there. and the husband laughed
merrily until
B.r-r-r-r-r.r!
1t was the alarm clock, and she
heard the voice of her husband say
ing:
I'll be late to work again to-day.
Say, lend me half dollar, won't you?
have not enough money for carfare
and lunch this morning."
1t Is such distressing occurrences as
this that make women wish they had
married the squit-eyed, freckled boy
who afterwards left home and became
a plutocrat.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1907-01-23
SURF RIDING lis ROYAL SPORT.
: How the HonoIuIans Tobouoan 70,
Half . Mile on One Wave.

At Waikiki. near Honolulu, is a
famous bathing beach. Here. winter
and summer, the surf canoes, or bet.
ter yet, the surf boards, come dancing
In on the long rollers and men become
amphibious.
There is no sensation quite com.
parable. says the Travel Magazine, to-
riding surf board on Pacific roller.
It is tobogganing on moving hillside
Of water. or. II you are clever enough
to stand up on your board, it is taking
this hillside on single big ski.
The beach runs far out before It
,shelves into deep water, and at high
tide the breakers begin to mount al.
most half mile from the shore line.
You go out there with your surf board
and wait for the wave.
You learn to catch it at the right
moment, throw your board inshore
and climb upon 1t Just as the crest of
the roller mounts and catches you.
Then on this crest you sail in toward
the shore, to slide down at last when
the wave breaks, down the foaming in.
cline into shallow water and churning
foam. It is royal sport.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1907-01-23
Lost In . 1oo.ooo.Acr. pa,tur..

Tom Johnson. the 14.year-old son of
John Johnson. who lives near Gates
valley Atascosa county, went out
hunting one day recently and lost his
way In 100000-acre pasture. He
wandered around in the pasture for
three days before searching party
found him. He was without food and
water during all that time. He was
S5 miles from home when found.-Ex.
change
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1907-01-23
Imposing Hawaiian Name.

The staggering length of the names
given by native Hawaiians sometimes
upsets court officials in the Sandwich
Islands. In case recently on trial in
Honolulu a witness on being sworn
was asked by lawyer to give his
name. The witness replied as fol-
lows: TX ilimalaoi,ikeaolonoik
kanhikikauakalani." 1t was such a ter
rihc rumble that the court at first was
inclined to rebuke the man, but in.
quiry showed that the witness was
guiltless of any attempt at levity. so
after the clerk had labor:ous.y noted
the name the case proceeded.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1907-01-23

Hawk Tries to Carry Away Dog.
Joseph Wood and his stepson,
Peter McI.ain, accompanied by dog,
went tramping along the branch in
Thorp's wood pasture, and a large
hawk few down and seized the dogs
head In its claws. The dog ran SO
rods or more with its feathered as.
sailant holding to its prey before
young McLain could overtake the fu.
gitives and kill the. hawk with a club.
indianapolis News.