The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1907-11-22
An Old Time Valentine.
Reprinted From Ihe COURIER Of February 1885,
DEAR UNCLE JOHN:
JASPER, IND, Feb. 14th, 1895

DEAR UNCLE JOHN
We learn with regret and that the present vain
GLORIOUS and somewhat uprOarous congress of rural and
dissatisfied statesman about to adjourn Not that we
hankerng to keep them in session any longer but be-
cause hearts and souls filled with dire fear at what
to become of and children if that august assem-
bly, Of men let loose uon the country to seek
a vndcation at the hands of their constituents
We read with JOY and enthusiasm your letter, which
wiped up OF your foremost cOnSttOvenS the enthu
sasc editor of the humorous Jasper COURIER We thank
you very much for that letter. and are willing to
admit with chldlke faith that you have earned at least
part of your salary If you could manage to find the
sweet time to hit the bombastc editor Of the Hunting
burg News a whack, would become overwhelmingly
satisfied that you had earned all OF your salary in its enor
entirety with compound interest payable in Cleve
lands brand new gold bonds.
We thank you very much dear old john for the several
packages OF seeds you sent us IN the Overwhelming good
much pride and shall hug them to our humble bosoms
until the days of Spring, when will bury those
seeds in the mother earth composing garden, feet
10y A. We noted with misgvngs that you sent
era packages of seed to few lawyers and doctors at Jas
per who have neither the land whereon to plant the
industry to cultivate them after they are deposited in
mother SOIL True ts and pity tis It's true that these
doctors and lawyers have added materially their income
by selling their packages of seeds to their nearest and
dearest neighbors, But notice with pain, and not
without personal discomfort that doctors and lawyers al
ways feel the hard times the first, the money they may
have qured from the sale of the seeds you furnished
them in the overwhelming simplicity of your heart may
the future bear fruit take root and help you upward
and onward the political ladder of fame and fortune
Take my advice now john and during the limited anc
valuable time you are still hieing yourself at Washing
ton don't send any seeds to the lawyers and doctors
and preachers and retired mionares of Jasper but
the seeds to the farmers who will appreciate your sagac
to such extent that they will you the greatest
statesman of the age.
On the other hand send those ponderous WISE we'll
bound nonlustrated and non-decorated boooks sta
tstics to the own-folks They will never forget you ii
cold and record breaking weather. when they arise the
morning shverng in their Wsonbill taxed night shirts
and seek to knde fire with free wood, and free COAL
and free paper the latter furnished them postage
free by their considerable member of congress- that dear
and benificient uncle John
But surely and ruely John you have done everything
YOU could for your county Besides sending those seeds
and books and miscellaneous gratutes, you have stuck
TO your seat in congress with pertnacity that would
have done honor to pound of glue and you have fur
nished and consolation to many of your cons
tovents by veXng and worrying the president without
party poor old granny Cleveland.
Over and beyond this except passing bill to pay the
salaries of the national and international oicehoders OF
the IT, S. government, in gold too; confident, il
strikes US If the present congress has grandy and
gIorousv and sometimes uproarously failed to do any
thing You sit there like lot of schoolboys, with
red white and blue foocaps your heads hoping against
hope that you shoulder it all onto the strong back OF
the abuseloving Grover Cleveland and make him respon
sble for it ALL You rely upon it. uncle John, if your
constituents could get another whack at you at the polls
they would you down with dull thld that would
m Ike ycu voIs of the who thought of run
Come home dear John and rest assured that all the
posmasters in your deesrict will receive you with enthu
sasm and that all the expostmasters especially that ten
dollar duchman, will disappear into their holes and pl Il
their holes in after them
Come home dear john and rest easy to the future
of congress- If tie next congress doesn't do any better
than this one may be The People will hire out the place
to the cheapest bidder and then will BE- free race for
Everybody, and the luckiest divil will git thar
Come home, dear john and rest in the bosom of your
constituents with security We will welcome you with
eusveness and ioyousness and will welcome you tc
your retirement with bonres made of the of those
books you sent US they too thick for kindng Anc
we will let you taste some of the radlshes raised from the
seeds YOU furnished u.s. postage Free and you may behold
some of the flowers brought to existence sending by
e IL. IL cd Aouo