Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-02-02
EVOLUTION OF A KNOCK

This is little story about the megnifca-
ton Of knock
Edward Tubbs lives happily with his wife
in large fat house up on 'Teenth street.
He Is man who behaves himself pretty
nigh all the time He never was clip or a
cut-up. He's been married for ten years,
and his wife thinks a whole lot of him-bs-
cause he's good to her, for one reason One
night last week Edward Tubbs attended
stag dinner. His wife was glad to have him
attend the dinner, because he hardly ever
goes out without her. and she believes that
a man ought to be allowed to herd with his
kind once In while.
1t was bully dinner, and there was all
kinds Of fun. Tubbs didn't sidestep any Of
the wines as they came along. After the
dinner he. with a bunch Of pals. adjourned
to hotel palm room. where they tucked
away few highballs, and talked. things
over.
Edward Tubbs arrived at the entrance to
his fat-house shortly after midnight. feel
ing pretty good. He wasn't even picked in
miniature. but he felt comfortable. In the
hall he met several couples just returning
from the theater. He passed few remarks
with them and then went upstairs to his
The above is the actual Wilderness OF
what really happened.
Now. II Washington is town where news
CATCuldlcS IApiuly, TIC udI houses VI w dSu-
ington are plants where the dissemination
OF gos-er-news Is all but magical In Its
swiftness.
So. in the progress OF two days. the case
of Edward Tubbs was built up around
that fiat house in about the following way: :
l. Edward Tubbs had come home soused.
z. Edward Tubbs, burned to the limit,
had been brought home by friendly cop.
fighting humor, had been brought home in
q cab by a cop, and had raised disturb
ance in front of the fiat house and had got
a wallop on the jaw.
stewed up down town, and had been pick
ed up by a cop who knew him, and brought
home In push-cart. and in front OF the
fiat-house he'd got n mussy with h, the the, cop cot
upon him for ten minutes, while crowd
Of people looked on.
8. That awful Mister Tubbs- did you ever
notice how dissipated he looks ?-had come
and was trying to beat the elevator man
to death with an iron rod when couple
Of policemen rushed in. and Mister Tubbs
fighting like maniac, tried to kill them
too, and they had to knock him down and
sit on him, the two of them, while he howl
ed at the top of his lungs. and wasn't 1t
dreadful. and how his poor wife Is to be
pitied, land sakes alive!
8. That Tubbs guy know, that big.
smooth-faced dub that goes staggering
around here as IL he owned the earth-well,
he showed himself up, all right. Got pinch
ed town town for trying to get fresh with
q cop, and had to leave collateral at No. l,
and then a cop brought him home In
wheelbarrow, and out in front Of the nat
house Tubbs imagining he was strong. sud
denly kicked the cop in the stomach. and
the cop pulled his club and pounded two
or three pieces off Tubbs' head, and now
Tubbs is laid up with broken jaw.
But I knew all the time that that Tubbs
person was leading a double life. He has
the look of a man who drinks hard, and
WELL 1 know what I'd do If were his wife;
to have around in a nice fiat house: isn't
he? They say he is bowling with delirium
tremens now. The miserable wretch!
8. Queer gag about that Tubbs Fellow,
his surcingle, it seems. he wants to tear
the teeth out Of piano-movers and people
like that, but he got in bad, trying to put
it on the four cops who brought him nome
the other night, after he'd been p1nched
twice down town for scrapping They
didn't do a thing to Tubbs. I'm told all Of
his front teeth were knocked out. ana he,s
going to lose the sight OF one OF his eyes,
that happens to these ducks that think
they're the strong ones when they hist
few long ones In. It's a wonder Tubbs
wouldn't se. hep to himself s bebayor
has put her down and out.
8. Did you hear about the Tubbses?
They've been ordered out Of this apartment
house by the agent. Ya.s. indee~! The
agent heard all about that vulgar Mister
Tubbs' frightful conduct here when 1t took
five policemen to quiet him down-he tried
to shoot the policeman. you know and they
had an awful time taking his two revolvers
away from him. Well. the agent heard
about it, of course, and now he has notified
the Tubbses that they must give up their
apartment at once. Well. I'm not gloating
over folks of course but it does seem to
me that we are lucky in having an agent
who can see things right.
10, Well. Mrs. Tubbs has announced,
band and go back to her folks just as soon
as he is able to sit up. She Is 50 disguised
with him that she won't even nurse him,
and she has engaged trained nurse TO
dition, and sits up in bed. bowling for
whisky at the top of his lungs, all the time.
They say that he has the worst case of de-
lirium tremens anybody ever heard Of Mrs.
Tubbs hear. just sits by the window, cry
ing her eyes out, the poor dear. I'd be real
fond Of the poor little thing, only l just
can't get used to a woman that's forever
dyeing her hair that paintey red; deed I
can't!
IL. Funny kind of junk enters fellows
head when he's spif1licated, hey? I heard
downtown today that the Tubbs gazoob
who started the rough house with the cops
and got his face pushed in, was caught try
ing to set fire to a hotel filled with women
and children. He didn't have any grudge
against the hotel, it seems, but he was
sudsed up and wanted to start something,
and they caught him. I'm told, in the act Of
setting fire to the plant. They didn't press
any complaint against him. for the head
clerk knew him. but Tubbs got pinched
three different times before he got home
for kicking up different kinds Of fuses.
Tried to beat an aged man over the head
with a cane, grabbed little boy by the
hair of the head and mopped up the side
walk with him, and finally threw a bottle
through q bar mirror. Should think guy
that the old stuff lights UP like that would
flag it, wouldn't you?
70 Met q fellow today who said he saw
Tubbs picked up to the top Of his hair over
in Baltimore a few weeks ago. That's
Tubbs' system. 1t seems-jumping out Of
town when he wants to get smudged up.
But he forgot to make his getaway this
time, and that's how all hands got next to
him. understand the elevator man is go
ing to make complaint against Tubbs for
assault with deadly weapon-you know
Tubbs tried to shoot the elevator man when
he was brought home in a wheelbarrow by
those seven cops. He's pretty liable to do
about three months, for the police. court
Judges in this town are mighty severe on
these gun-hashers.
10. They say it wasn't booze alone, but
drugs, that made Tubbs SO crazy. Dye
know, that fellow always looked like a
colxer to me? He's got the eyes of a man