Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-05-25
JOBSON AND BARRIERS


how broke out Mr.. Jobson ct breakfast
the other morning. feeling Of some ingrow-
ing hair marks at the edge Of his collar.
They've butchered up my neck 20 that
feel like some horse thief that's been half
lynched and then taken down. I'm through
with BARRIERS. Going to shave myself from
now on What's become Of my shaving
outlt-that pair of razors that had around
hero couple years ago?'
Mira. Jobson was tempted to gasp. but
she didn't. She remembered some previous
results OF Mr.. Jobsons periodical bug to
abjure BARRIERS and shave himself
"A couple Of years ago. my dearr' she re-
piled my. but time must be passing swiftly
for you! It has been at least seven years
since you used those raxors."
II wish you wouldn't start those chrono@
logical arguments of yours so early in the
day.. growied Mr.. Jobson. Seven years,
heyf Why don't you maze Il seven years
buy and use those. raxors summer before
last, then I'm In q state Of mental decay.
and you can at once crafty the secret am
bition OF your heart by applying for q 1un-
acy commission to sit en- me-"
"But, put in Mrs. Jobson. don't you re-
member that you got those razors on the
day before New Year, 1900. and that you
century by shaving yourself and
You've got me mixed up with somebody
you've read about In the works OF Marie
Corelii. my good woman" interrupted Mr.:
OF confounding me with these Jura Lear
Jibbey idiots that you spend the most OF
your time In reading about The truth OF
the matter is. I suppose. that you ruined
both Of those good razors by trying to open
cans Of tomatoes with them. and then threw
them out into the alley. That's about what
kinds of a hit II you'd only come to the
front and own up to something once in a
while"
'No. my dear, that is not what happened
to the razors," mildly expostulated Mrs.
Jobson. Don't you remember how you cut
your face all to ribbons during the FIRST
week that you used them. and that one
morning. just after trying to shave. you
to the ashman, who happened to be pound
ing at the back gate at the timer"
n Mr. Jobson smiled slSw S. saturn
There's no use in talking" he said. caus-
tically, you're there with It. For the pure,
concentrated Juice and essence of imagina-
boards. You ought to be writing junk your
self. instead Of reading 1t. You've got q
shade on all OF sem. It's wonder you
wouldn't go at 1t. How do you frame up
these frances without using any hasseesh,
anyhow? You're wonder. Gave a pair
Of &5-apiece razors to the ashnsan hey?
Ha. ha, ha! You ought to dash on stuff
like that and get 1t published. It 'ud sure
the authoress gag. anyhow? None Of 'em
that ever lived hadD anything on you when
it comes to that make-it-up-quick stuff"
But" cheerfully persisted Mrs. Jobson.
ing the razors to the ashman 30 very well.
and you said"
.'oh well. far be It from me to deprive
you of the fun Of cooking up these little
in Mr.. Jobson. IT I gave the razors to
the ashman. and you say so, It's all right.
If you said that gave my left ear to the
milk it 'ud have to go; I suppose It
about. anyhow. You don't have to fly of
the handle and get excited and ugly every
time word Is said around here you know.
The point is that I'm going to shave myself
for the balance of my natural life. Maybe
that 81 shaving cup that I bought II still
kicking around here somewhere? You didn't
toss that into the garbage barrel, too. did
your
'Oh. no. know just where to put my
hand on the shaving cup" replied Mrs. Job
son, "but do you really think. my dear,
that you will enjoy shaving yourself7''
Enjoy it?" acridiy asked Mr. ,Jobson
mo. madam. and wouldn't enjoy getting
run over every day by a brewery wagon.
wouldn't enjoy being hit on the wishbone
by torpedo boat as a steady thing. But
intend to release myself from the thraldom
Of BARRIERS. all the same. I'm tired of being
paved around by those fellows, and having
EN- ram lather into my mouth with their
fingers. and chop away at my facial peit
kind OF stun. L.
but. my DEAR" ventured Mrs Jobson
"if you are determined to go back to shay
Ing yourself-and you must remember how.
the last time you did that. you swore that
you would never take another razor in your
hand as long as you were on top Of the
earth|f you are bound to resume the at
tempt to shave yourself. wouldn't It be
really better for you to postpone At till the
fall. for don't you recall how you've often
told me that It II q positive luxury for you
to sit In BARRIERS chair In the summer
time. with the electric fans going. and"
"Ha! ha! har' raucously laughed Mr..
Jobson. Pumping again from that imagi-
nation cistern OF yours. aren't your Great!
Fine! Only. don't you honest-Injun think
that the breakfast hour is pretty early for
you to begin uncoiling that thousand-and-
one-nights' line Of hop imaginings? You
ought to walt till darkness falls and then
get all Of your props fixed. and then begin.
ber' chair. did II You're thinking Of that
Greek god hero. Guy de Montmorency MUIR
gatroyd. in The Maniac Mother the book
that you were reading the other day.
think that was the name Of the work It
just happens, however, that I've been tell
ing you for the past fifteen years or so that
I'd just as soon get into fight with a
piano-mover, and take a blamed good
pounding. any old time. as to get into a
BARRIERS chair under any circumstances
that's what I've always told you. And as
for my saying that I'd never again take a
razor in my hand. seem to remember. now
I come to think of it. that the reason I
was compelled to stop shaving myself the
last time was that you used my pair of
razors to cut of the bottoms of those bed
room portieres or something like that, and
got ,em so Internally dull that"
"Oh, please don't think that have the
least objection in the world to your shay
ing yourself. my dear" said Mrs. Jobson.
"only should hate to have you cut yourself
all up again like you used to. and you know
how often you have tried shaving yourself
and always given 1t up almost Immediately
because you said you were too nervous to
handle a razor. and how you
mo. madam, I'm not such swell at this
remembering gag as you are. and I'm not
going to stuitify myself by forcing myself,
just to keep peace in this camp, to admit q
whole lot Of things that never happened"
cut in Mr.. Jobson. II can see, easily
enough. what your game is. lou want to
have these internal BARRIERS go right on
messing my face and neck up. making me
look like a pimply Wfllie-boy, so that I'll
be kind of foil for you. You want to
have 1t rugged up SOS the bunch Of pinheads
of your acquaintance will talk about what a
shame 1t Is that that Jobson woman has
got such punk-looking rhInosceros on her
STAFF as a husband. You wouldn't care a
boot in Rladensburg if I MANAGED tn nick