davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06
Onr IncuInr MiIIinnaircs.


Perhaps we should not be unduly crit
zeal of the humorous disposition Of our
millionaires. who are human, after all.
and doubtless partake of the national
faculty of seeing the jocuIar aspect of
even the most solemn performances. Who
would deny to Mr.. Rockefeller his hearty
laugh over the proceedings of the Inter
state Commerce Commission? Or to Mr..
Hartman his little pleasantries about the
! popular passion for Investigations and
publicity? Both these gentlemen have
| troubles of their own. One is under n
multitude of indictments for sundry in
fractions of the law of the land, and the
Iother threatened with legal action in
tended to divest him Of his hard-earned
ipower and pelf. We should be the last
/ 10 deprive either Of the privilege Of look
/ ing on the sunny side of the situation,
/ Of meeting adversely with smile, or OF
smoothing the edges of care with a laugh.
/ Let joy amongst our millionaires be UNI
confined; let them joke as they will; the
public shall freely take them at the meas
ure of their wit
But the joke-makinG faculty is not with
out its disadvantages. and one of them is
that when you want to be taken seriously
you may be thought only joking. That
eminent humorist Mr.. Hartman. for ex-
ample, dropped in upon the Interstate
/ Commerce Commission the other day with
a broad grin on his face and communi-
Gated to them the startling information
that he wanted to get in touch with the
commission. to obey the laws and
TO be good boy generally. We
wonder if that is another Of Harri-
mans little jokes, a timely pleasantly
offered in mitigation of sundry unpleas-
ant revelations to which MIR. Hartman
has playfully alluded as ancient history.
We wonder if Mr.. Rockefeller will laugh
when he hears of 1t. and whether there
viii not be a hearty haw- haw from the
whole region of high finance when they
get wind of HarTiman's latest We Should
Ike to take it seriously. but how can we,
in view of the Hartman propensity 10 be
jocular about cur most cherished institu-
tiOns? A short time ago Mr. Hartman
was convinced that the country was
afflicted with an attack of interstatecom-
mercecommissionitis; has he himself sue
cumbed to the dire maiady? Is he, too
willing TO so under the yoke. or is he
only Joking?
We are told, moreover, that Mr. Harri-
mans confession 10 the commission is an
augury of deeds meet for repentance. and
that the whole Standard Oil crowd, with
which Mr.. Hartman is identified. has
determined on a policy of humOring
.coddling, and amusing, instead of defying
and abusing and swearing at, the common
people. According to this view. our mil
ionaires have come TO think that the
public would rather be amused than be
damned. That is why Mr. Hartman wears
a broad grin and Mr.. Rockefeller stops
to banter with newspaper reporters. It's
a mighty good joke all around
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
IN WASHINGTON.

We first met thirty years ago.
He went to school at night;
For he was reading law, you know,
And he was very bright.
He wanted much to make his way,
Among the great TO shine.
SO when I finish school" he'd say,
I'm going to resign"
/ left the good old city then
Some twenty years or more
Rolled by ere / went back again
To seek the chums OF yore.
My former friend aside me led
And put his hand in mine.
4 won't be here next year" he said,
I'm going to resign
Last week 1 saw the dear old chap.
He was a little bent.
But gave my back a hearty slap
That almost left "A dent
His pale cheek grew a trihe red;
He stltfened up his spine,
i won't be here next year he said.
I'm going to resign
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06
High but Uniform Rates.

Prom ne SprnTneld KgpubliC1n-
We may denounce Hartman as much
as We please. and that his methods richly
deserve the public roasting to which they
are now being subjected We make no
question. But as q matter OF fact. has
this man been doing more than to apply
boldly and on a grand scale the principle
asserted by the opponents of recent rate
legislation--the principle that the rail-
roads should be left 90 charge what rates
they may. provided only that the same
are uniform 10 all? This IS question
which statesmen like MesSTs. Lodge and
Mccall apparently need TO take under
closer consideration.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06
JEST AND FOLDEROL
From the FLORIDA Times Union.
His Family.

From the FLORIDA Times Union.
His Family.
Uncle-How many are there in your
family. my boy?
Nephew-Four.
Uncle-Why, you have no brothers nor
sisters. sOnnle,
Nephew know, bat we live in a fiat
and have 10 count IN the jauitOr.
Not BENEFITED.
BUsiness-WeIl. sad as it all IS, this ex-
perience viii teach Wrongly a whole lot
OF things
Professional-He never profits by expe-
rience
Business-What makes you think that?
Professional-Why. he married the see
ond time, didn't he?
HoneymOOn's End.
Oldwed-That young couple that live
next TO US have reached the end Of their
honeymoon
acknowledgements already
Oldwed-Yep, Arguing now about which
one loves the other most, and got mad ia
the heat of the debate
Nothing New.
Cleric-Do you believe that such mon
sters. such uncanBy beings. as science
says once existed. ever did live on this
earth OF 0urs2
Clubman-Ever did, Man alive, I've seen
worse than them many d night on my
way home from the club
Not Famous.
Senator-Im afraid / shall never be
really famous
Secretary-But, sir, many are already
naming their children after you.
Senator-'Tis true, But not yet have
the editors OF the funny columns begun
attributiug old jokes 10 my springing.
Insured Keeping.
Newwed-How do you manage 20 get
your wife to keep a secret?
Benedict-Never tell her anything as
though I wanted her 20 keep IL as a
secret
Method.
Dramatist-Do you believe in bringing
out the classics?
Theater Manager-Certainly. at inter
walls. There is nothing like q classic 10
make an audience appreciate a second
class production that follows.
Correct.
Dickens-What quality made you the
great political leader you are?
Boss-The ability TO make the dear
people" think they wanted the same
things I did
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06
NATHAN BEDFORD FORREST.

And the wondering ranks Of the foe we're like clay
To these men Of flint in the molten day;
And the hellhOunds Of war hoglcl afar Tor theil
prey.
When the arm Of a Forrest led
Fer devil angel life stirred when he spoke
And the current Of courage. If slumbcring woke
At the yell Of the leader, for never was broke
The record, mel wondering rad
Swing uistess blade IN the dauntless hand:
Ride. soul q a god through the deathless band
Through tho low green mounds CT the breadth Of the
land
Wherever yogT logions dwell.
Swing rebel blade, through the halls Of fame.
Where courage and Justice have left your name
BY the torches Of glory your deeds shall fame
With the reckoning Of time
Virginia Frazer BOYLE
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06
Has Multiple Doubles.

Judge r. w T. Duke of Charlottos-
vile. Va, had hard time keeping his
identity on straight when he visited
Washington 10 witness the close Of Con
gress. He had scarcely entered a down
town hotel when he was pounced upon
by bevy Of Tennesseeans. who expressed
great surprise and delight at seeing him.
and who then and there declared their
intention 20 be In the gallery when he
should take the oath Of Office as Senator.
The Tenuesseeans Insisted that he was
their Senator-elect the Hon. Robert L.
Taylor. He insisted that he wasn't. but
the Tcnnesseeans. knowing that their new
Senator was an inveterate jokester.
laughed loud and long
Judge Duke escaped from che Teunes-
seeans and called IT the Senate Marble
Room to see Senator Daniel While
waiting for Senator Daniel TO come out
two Senate employees seized him enthusiasts
ticaliy by the hand and told him 10 walk
right into the chamber. as he had per
feet right 10 do. even though he had not
yet been sworn in. The Virginian fed
without waiting longer for Mr. Daniel
As he was going from the Senate TO the
House he was stopped by q couple Of
men. who drew him into a corner and re-
minded him of a business deal they had
discussed with him the evening before.
Tearing himself from their grasp, Judge
Duke inquired.
Nov. who in the dickens do you take
me for?''
His tormentors chuckled. They stood
off and looked him over carefully. Then
each winked at the other.
Don't you remember, Mr.. Littauer, the
conversation we had last night" volun-
teered one of them, about a business
matter I'm Northern New York;"
Il never saw either of you before IN
my life protested Judge Duke. My
name is not Littauer. and I have never
seen your Mr. Littauer. Twice this morn
ing, within the space of an hour I have
been mistaken for Senator Taylor, and
now you insist that I am Mr.. Littauer,
Of New York. DO I look like any more
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06

burden Of excessive rates. 1t will not
tend 10 check the growing evil of in
creased prices for everything the con-
Stunning masses have to buy. 1t will no;
contribute baubee to the reduction OF
the cost Of living. Until the power 10 fix
rates Is placed within the functions of
the government. and that power is exer-
cised with the utmost rigor and fairness
the demand for the regulation of railroads
viii not cease.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06
VIZ. Mudd,s Rrother.

Oliver W. Mudd of St Louis. brother
Of Representative Mudd, Of Maryland
'Marse Sydney lis an applicant for
United States district attorney for the
Eastern district of Missouri, recently
made vacant by the promotion Of Col
D. p. Dyer 20 the bench OF that court. II
is suggested that the exigencies of Mary
land politics may play an important part
In filling this Missouri place. The Repub-
lican forces Of Maryland already are lin
ing up for the Senatorial struggle next
year and should they capture the legis-
lature Representative Mudd and Attorney
Geperal BonaDarte may both be candi-
dates. If, however, the Represe ntative is
sufficiently interested in his St Louis
brothers welfare TO get out Of the race
for the Senate in Maryland. 1t is consld-
cred possible that the st. LOuisan's quail
fications for the Office Of United States
district attorney might be made too OBJ
vious To be ignored by the appointing
powers in Washington,
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06

From thc Clevclsud Leader.
However mild the plan proposed for
making contributions from the national
Treasury for the development of the mer-
chant marine. if it can be called a sub
sjdy. the attitude OF millions Of Americans
becomes distrustful and antagonistic tt
looks now as il nothing in the way OF
direct pecuniary aid to American shipping
could be accomplished unless the subsidy.
even If denatured can be so renamed that
Il will be disguised beyond all recognition.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06
Common sense on Race Problem.

From the Savannah News.
Common sense teaches what should
be the policy OF the whites in their deal
ings with the negroes. It is that the
negroes should be treated with absolute
justice. If that is done the relations OF
the two races will be as satisfactory in
other parts of the South as they appear
to be in Virginia. The negro should be
protected in all the rights which the law
gives him. and he should be encouraged
in every possible way to be a good citi-
zen.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06
senator Carmnck.n Gooh Ion

From the New York World
Many years ago Thomas II. Carter. Of
Montana. talked a river and harbor bill "a
death in dying Congress. Yesterday
Senator Carmack talked the subsidy bill
to death. II was a good service. Mr.. Car
mack's Senatorial career ended with the
Congress that expired yesterday. but he
finished in style A good man vino died
with his boots on. Mr.. Carmack deserves
Il glorious political resurrection.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06

From tbs Cleveland Leader
BY Osiris. friend SkribbeIostris. this Is
lordly house thou hast built for thy
self" said the Egyptian to his literary
friend. And thou art but an impecuni-
Gus author Where, then. gettest thou the
material for this mansion
That house, answered the scribe
sadly. lis built entirely Of returned man
scriDts"
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06
Two NaturaI Regulators.

From the Florida Times Union
Two great regulators are still at the
service of the Federal government. The
''robber trusts" may be killed by revis-
ing the tariff. and excessive transporta-
ton rates put down by water competition.
But the government wants neither of
these.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06
DEEP SEA TRAGEDY.

WAY ia It that the ocean moansy
That's what Ia like "a know,
Il may b that the lobster
Has pinched its under-tow.
Chicago Journal.
And maybe it is Just the pain
That thrills its bosom vide.
What time 1t shoulders st the bar
And thinks Of last nights tide
Cleveland Leader.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06

From the Chicago Tribune
While paying his respects 10 the molly
coddle the President might have uttered
a Few earnest words concerning tho
geezer. the slob. the mutt the pieface
the fink, and the cheap skate
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06
Worse Yet.

From the Cleveland Plain Dealcr.
The Atlanta Constitution says Thaw is
writing book. So the worst is yet to
come.-WaShington Herald.
But aren't you overlooking the lecture
platform and the stage?
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06
Government Ownershin on TrInI.

From the Kansas City Journal
If government ownership and operation
of railroads proved as successful and
economical as government ownership and
construction of isthmian canals. 1t would
certainly be one Of the marvels of the
age
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06
Getting Even with the Public.

From the Philadelphia Press
As 50 many people are now engaged in
smashing the railroads. it looks as if the
railroads thought they had a right to
smash some of the people, and that's
what they are dcing with their accidents
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06
How They Got 1t.

Yes" said the American magnate, y
inherited 100000"
Your ancestors must have been very
honorable suggested the japanese Wis
itor.
Not too honorable They took rebates
whenever opportunity csered."
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06
It's still ..Exnected. /.

From the Louisville Courier,IournaI.
1t is expected that the President will
say something in his next message about
the tarift. SAYS a correspondent. It was
expected in 1900. and in 1906 but i'm 1907?
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06
Not Dbl thc Same C1n.s-

From the Richmond Times Dispatch.
A vindicated Senator. however, is not
altogether in the same class with one who
has never required any vindication.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06

New England papers Indignantly deny
Senator Beveridges statement that
witches were ever burned IN that section
on the contrary. it is claimed they were
invariably hanged. Why discuss il? The
witches are all dead. and nobody else is
interested il the manner of their taking
of
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06
MEN OF NOTE.
Whx spooner Recanted.

1t is probable that If Orvilie II. Platt
were alive John c. Spooner would not
have resigned from the Senate. The great
Connecticut Senator was more instru-
mental In persuading Mr.. Spooner to re-
cant his announced decision in 1900 against
reelection than was any other influence
brought to bear upon him. Between Mr..
Platt and the Wisconsin statesman there
was a bond of friendship as strong as
affection. President Roosevelt also beg
ged Mr.. SpoOner TO withdraw his declina-
ton, and largely for the same reason that
Mr.. Platt presented with such convincing
fotce. This was that the Republican
party was undergoing a change of poll
cies and leadership and that to guide this
process safely the service Of men Of Mr..
SpOoner's ability and character were
needed.
1t was toward the close Of Congress in
1902 that Mr.. Plat virtually obtained Mr.
Spooner's consent TO permit his friends
| In Wisconsin to re-elect him. in spite Of
the positive declaration Of the latter two
years previously that he would not be a
candidate. The Connecticut statesman
then felt that his days were numbered,
and in his calm, strong way told Mr.
Spooner that If he (Mr Plato should con-
suit his own convenience and desires he
would retire TO private life for rest which
might prolong his days. but that he owed
"a duty alike 20 his party and his country
to remain at his post in the Senate to the
end. IL was soon after this that Mr.
SpOoner let Il be quietly known in Wis
consin that IL the legislature should elect
him without a fight he would accept.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06
Birth of End.

Society is always looking for some
thing new"
For example,"
well. tea is old. So are cigarettes. But
introduce tea cigarettes, and there you
arei'
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06
ProsperIty 20 Don,t Need.

From the Ohio State Journal
Tnere Is too much Of the Hartman sort
Of prosperity in this country.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06

titled appears as a prefix 10 the name, it
is presumed that Corpus is the private
who has been doing all the fighting.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06
Lively Row in Prospect.


Two or three Democratic Senators are
known 10 have quietly side-stepped the big
Jefferson Day dinner being arranged for
In New York next month. and several
others are holding tn allegiance their ac-
ceptance Of invitations 20 participate in
that affair until It is definitely determined
just which element OF their party will
dominate the gathering Back OF this
condition Of uncertainty is a story Of WI
Ham Jennings Bryan's alertness which is
giving concern 10 his supporters and Op-
ponents alike. One OF the best known
Democratic Senators accepted an invita-
ton 10 attend the dinner and deliver a
speech upon the understanding that Mr.
Bryan was not 10 be there When how
ever. the Nebr8skau learned that invita-
lions had been issued and he had received
none, he proceeded TO make arrangements
10 be Ia New York on another mission the
day OF the Jefferson dinner. This forced
the managers OF the banquet o. extend
him an invitation. which he promptly ac-
cepted. When the Democratic Senator
who had accepted the invitation learned
that Mr.. Bryan had been invited and
accepted he withdrew his acceptance on
the ground that he had overlooked a
previous engagement. Now that II ap-
pears that Mr., Bryan also has decided
for reasons Of his own not to attend the
dinner. the Democratic Senator who
recalled his acceptance would not De
averse 20 again being urged to be there
and make q speech.
II is known that the original desire Of
the promoters Of the dinner was 10 make
It the occasion for testing the country up
on the advisability Of nominating "a
Southeruer as the Democratic standard
bearer next year. Now that the game
has been flushed. however. it is consid-
cred probable that this purpose will be
abandoned though the Jefferson din
ner. II given al all. viii be anything but
a Democratic iovefeast seems evident. II
is for this reason that so many con-
spicuous Democrats in Congress are un-
decided whether or not 10 accept invita-
tiOns
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06

And now comes that long. dreary, and
weary waiting for them to come back and
abide with as again.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06

"A comet Is soon 90 touch the earth, -
according to the Atlanta Constitution. II
is extremely doubtful whether Congress
left this country in shape to stand a
touch just now.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06

Go insane, Bmr' yelled the lookout.
Go insane,"
"Wot's eatin' yer?' growled the burglar.
who was stufting swag into a sack
Go insane, / tells yer. Yere comes the
cops"
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06

1t is going to take seven months con-
tinuous talking for Senator Tflman 10
earn that $1,000 but YOU must remember
he is a United States Senator, and talk
comes easy.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06

So dear old Swettenham is to be re-
called. Well. well. DE mortuis nil nisi
bonum, He was good chopplng block
for the photographers, anyhow.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06

why this kick about the japanese out
West?''
Good many there now, they claim
Cant be. Ever hear OF a japanese
vote?7
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06

Mr.. Cleveland says ne acquired his
"solemnity" from sitting next 20 IL. just
as the little boy caught the measles. He
probably acquired his rather pOndeToua
diction from sitting next the unabridged
dictionary.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06
BOastfuIF

The viOlets blow,
That much We know.
Wed best let that suffice.
Let US not pry
To find out WIKI
il may he bout their price.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06

The governor Of Hawaii says ne would
be willing for his daughter to marry a
Jap. However, do not be too hasty in
your judgment This announcement may
be made merely to brighten the Japs from
Hawaii. You do not know what she may
look like
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06
A short Month.

John. I'm going to have mother visit
Us next month"
why didn't you have her in Febru-
ary."
Then the trouble started.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06

The car has hard proposition on
hand trying TO decide what to do with
those Siberian exiles who are in rebellion
There is no worse place to exile them 20
and they seem 10 think death would be-
a great relief.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06

According TO a dispatch. the Mica
raguans have captured Corpus" As no
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06
More Exeeutiye "Usurpatlon.

Presidential power is somewhat less to-
day than it was on Monday, before MIR.
Roosevelt signed the agricultural appro-
priation bill, containing an amendment
requiring the consent Of Congress for the
establishment of forest reserves. Prior to
the signing of that bill Il was within the
province of the Executive to create forest
reserves, and the prerOgative was exer-
cised up TO the last minute; for just before
the bill became law the President signed
proclamations reserving millions of acres
of forest lands TO the public domain. By
so doing. Mr. Roosevelt Outwitted those
Western Senators who have been opposing
his land policy. and also the lumber syn
dicates which have been gobbling up val
liable timber lands and making fortunes
out Of the transaction. The intent of Con-
gress. as expressed IN hasty piece Of leg
islation, has been frustrated but who will
say that the President has not acted in
this matter with an eye single to the pub
lie interest?
As If TO Offset the loss of Presidential
power, Mr.. Cortelyou, as Postmaster Gen
eral, exercised his authority TO do what
CV-I5ie sS lldu it1uoIu " ~ ltSdiu lhS tilS
weighing Of the mails. and by an order
embraced within the compass of few
lines accomplished a reform that was dis
cussed for hours in the House without
'any result Though a very simple mat
ter, our legislators could not be brought
to agree to il for reasons best known to
themselves; and il remained for an execu-
tive officer to decree that the government
shall pay for carrying the mails only
when they are actually carried, thus saw
ing to the Treasury an appreciable sum
which the railroads have heretofore en-
jOyed as "A gratuity,
And who will say that Mr.. Cortelyou
has nnt done the rirhi thinr2
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06

An Alaskan religious sect teaches that
one-half of hades is as cold as 100 de-
grees below zero. That is probably tho
section reserved for coal dealers who sell
uear-tons for tons
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06

A statistical sharp has figured # that
the dividends TO be declared in March
will provide IS cents for every inhabitant
Of the United States We would not ad-
wise any one TO lose any sleep waiting for
their 9N however
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06

Another sun spot is due % put in an
appearance next week Perhaps il is sun
spots that make these Panama Canal
engineers show such peculiar symptoms
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06

''The world is growing better; men are
better than their predecessors. says Sen
ator Bob Taylor We knew very well
the Senator would begin his career by
saying something pleasant.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-06

John D. Rockefeller is going to expert
ment with the servant question" says the
Rochester Herald. Is there nothing in the
world that man win not tackle2