The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-12-18

tell when a bull is going to take excep-
tons to your hat. your clothing or even
your gait. He decides that he doesn't
love YOU Il biz and ONE for YOU. Yo-
are tosSeti twenty feet high on his
horns. and when YOU come down the
vital spark has fed
The vital ~nonsense!" contemptuous-
" exclaimed Mrs. Perkins.
Suppose, however. that the bull
takes no exceptions to u clothes and
gait and permits us to pass on. We
climb two rail fences and reach an old
wharf. We tempt Providence by stand
Ing on it. We fish for hours and catch
no fish,. BY innuendo l call you a hoo
doc. BY innuendo you call me a liar.
| at once begin to think of the cheap
tombstone l shall buy you at your
death. and you at once begin to wonder
II you've got to put up with me for
five or ten years longer"
Your words are mere sophistry, Mr..
Perkins. You can crawl through the
smallest knothole of any man | ever
saw"
LUZ iSt 10 81 OdSh u lllllc, MTS.
Perkins-let us go back. l was think
ing one day last May that we'd 60
fishing next day when l happened to
open a medical pamphlet. There was
a treatise in it on fish,"
"Oh. Of course!"
ut was stated that the fresh fish of
this country were responsible for cOO,-
600 deaths per year."
II will never believe i%t-never!"
As to Fresh Fish.
Fresh fish, according to that treatise,
are liable to various forms Of blood
poisoning. and when eaten they COM
municate the ailment to the eater. You
may congratulate yourself on escaping
some form of blood poisoning, Mrs.
Perkins. You may have escaped death
itself"
"What's the use Of listening to such
twaddle.." exclaimed Mrs. Perkins as
she rose up.
"Sit down. my DEAR" he replied.
You wanted to know why l didn't
take you fishing this summer, and I
am trying to give you a lucid expla-
nation. l had my doubts Of the truth
Of the article in the pamphlet, and !
called on an eminent physician. He
corroborated all the statements Of the
writer. In fact. about five years ago
he and his wife went fishing, and a
large pickerel they caught and took
home and cooked gave them both a
case of blood poisoning. He lost a
leg and she an arm in consequence.
Do l wish to lose a leg? Do l wish
you to lose an arm"
II don't believe the yarn"
1T struck me that you wouldn't, my
dear, and 81 l overhauled a medical
encyclopedia. There l found that:
"%Sturgeon may give you cramps.
"Pickerel may SOW the seeds of tu-
berculosis.
BASS may bring on cases Of asthma.
"Pike fried in butter and crumbs
have caused insanity.
"Perch have caused m%elancholia and
loss of appetite.
"Minnows have caused swelling of
the gums and loss Of teeth.
1.-THE eating Of bullheads has been
the first step to crime.
"There the list ceased, Mrs. Perkins.
and l ceased with it. saw and real
lied the tremendous risk we ran, and
whenever YOU approached the subject
of going a-fishing l switched you off.
Now that you know all YOU canno
blame me? On the contrary, l look
for praise instead. You are Mrs. Per-
kins No. 2. had a hard struggle to
get you. I want to keep you. Love
and duty have been my guiding stars
in this matter. AS l said, l will prom
Use you many sleigh rides in January
and February. and l will make a note
Of the same in my book. Next sum
mer, in case the fish recover their nor
NAL health
Good night, Mr.. Perkins, she said
as she swept out Of the room.
i've may possibly 60 fishing" be
finished. and then he reached for the
paper, lifted the cat into his lap and
realized that there was no place like
home-for a philosopher.
NJ. QUAD.