davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1907-12-08
~What Did l say"

There. Doc. what did 1 tell your
ejaculated the editor. as the member
Of the Purity League slammed the door
Of the Budget Office r you en- see
any roses an jacqueminots splattered
long III road which IN editor travels.
let me tell you It's a gauzy haIlucina-
tion. There isn't an editor dS side
o. tn milky way who hasn't been call
ed an ldiotic ass IN a million different
brands O profanity an tod how L
run newspaper 10 class O. hu-
manity who don't know the din renee
between a shootln' stick an an hell
box Here I am, rnnnin IA only
Simonppre independent sheet this
side o Tn Recordin' Angels book. an
I'm accused o. showi9g favoritism Il
1 don't put a scare head on tn death
notice OF cross-eyed kid up al Tn
Corners. The church choir gifts into
a squabbie over tn new sopranos per
oxide hair. ap instead o settiin' IL
rordln' to tn rules o. 10 prize ring
Ike men. they try to settle II through
th colyums o. III Bbdget. an IL amt
long TIL my circulation begins-t shrink
no like one o Bill Jones all-wooi
shirts on washday, an my advertisin
pace begins Z look like tn sportin
colyum in IN Christian Advocate.
cont wade through that scrap'mOre N
abOut three rounds fore I'm beginnin
z git grogev an hangin' onto tn ropes.
an' % keeps me wastln rot OF mental
,rain fur some time hgurin on az
cheapest kind of grub / can eat with
out ruinn my digestive organs
No Doc. Won fellows can talk shout
IN power o. tn press all-you want u.
but lct me tell you that tn lever
which runs tn power a. tn press H.
in tn hands O. an people. an they're
jus as apr { throw on tn reverse ac-
tion 3 not. Tn poor editors only
hangin onto m drivin wheel. an he
gets>hailed up against tn partition at
tX'ry resolution" d"
The Washington times., 1907-12-08
Written and Illustrated by Jim Nasium.

min the press an be able TO read
proof an mark up tn bulls on the
margin Ike G, 1rge Brooke's maps of
football PLAYS. while he listens TO an
advertiser's opinion o. what tn policy
Of his sheet should be. an swear
large Alice blue swears at the devil
simultaneously.
An EDITORS got to know all about
civil service reform. be familiar with
the names an records Of all public men
from Pontius plate down TO Bill
Bryan an know enough bout surgery
to splinter broken limbs an plug up
bullet holes an pick shot out o tn hui
man system. He's got 20 be a first
class cole tor, accountant, auditor,
mind reader, an be familiar with ali
decisions o. tn courts from King Solo
mon 20 Judge lands. besides havin
a practical knowledge bout maxim
adhesive paste that won't smell like
rubber boot in hot weather; lee
turin pveachin, Tn Gospel. Biblical
history, plain sewing, dancin'. SWIM
min baseball p ker billiards fifteen
bail pool raisin' hogs. eXterminatin'
INSECTS, how TO be happy though mar
RED. domestic economy, music eti-
qlIette. how To make love, railroadin'.
hydraulic epSineerin' shootin', irriga-
ton forestry. street PAWN, maxim
concrete, astronomy, grand op'Ta. IN
The Washington times., 1907-12-08
How TO Punctmate.

jus, then the ''devii" stuck his .rimy
face in the door and announced that
there wasra gentleman who came IN
the hack door OF the 'lress room and
wanted to see the editor To which
the editor replied that nc admission
was charged for looking az the editor
Uf the Billville Budget during the aft
ernoon matinee, and that he could feel
perfectly free 20 walk into the big tent
and look him over.
The devil" ducked back into his
,ct. and q giant who iool,el/Iike "a
Cross between Tom Ssarkey and the
Flatron building stopped down low
-nough 10 get through the door and
aN "a copy az the last weeks Budget
n front Of the editor.
Both the editor and the doctor know
az a glance that their visitor had bcen
brought up midst the pIcturesque
scenery OF the Ozark mountains. Thev
knew it because enough Of the besuti-
ful Ozark scenery was exhibited on his
classic features for them 10 recognize
tie landsca re He had long since
passed the stage where common soap
and water would have been OF any
assistance IN his toilet. Wha, he
needed was a landscape gardener.
What dye mean b. Drintin' a thing
like their. beloved the aHmated land
scape. peering through a vista In the
scenery.
The editor glanced at the article and
then began TO edge over toward a pile
OF boiler plate" which was cut up in
The Washington times., 1907-12-08
Frantic Financiers
Beg Woman s Help

all kinds Of money. some certified.
some not
Should this one be accepted? This
one rtfused2
Miss Long is the firms arbiter of
credit, and never once has she made
an error. But ask her to tell how
she does 1t is her own secret. Not a
word viii she say. But when she does
say word it is law in the Office where
she draws S5,OOe a year.
When Gage E. Tarben former vice
president Of the Equitable went on
the stand before the Armstrong Com
mission. which was investigating the
big insurance companies, he was oues-
toned by Charles f. Hughes. counsel
for the commission, but now gov
ernor Of the State OF New York.
Who is Miss Anna /. Amendt2-'
asked Mr.. Hughes.
she is my private secretary" an
swered Mr.. Tarben.
How much salary does she re-
ceive?''
'She receives $4,000 a year ana she
is worth it, She is perfectly able to
attend 70 the entire agency depsrt-
ment in my absence"
Mr.. Tarbell was telling no moro
than the truth. Miss Amendt was
just as capable OF attending to the
affairs OF the Equitable as anv high
5alaried man in its employ. Aud
when Mr.. Tarbell gave up his Sos Ooo
place in the Equitable to become prrsi-
dent Of a great realty corporation
Miss Amendt went along. Today She
is making as much money. n MOI
more. IN real estate. instead OF ins1,r.
8nce - "iSut
Ny secret2" laughed Miss Amends
W Ell; molaSses goes a great deal FAR
ther than vinegar. / started as many
another woman does-as stenoe-
rlQher. gOl a place in the Eouif
aDte chicago Office as typewriter
When Mr. Tarbell came East to fbs
main offices here in New York he
brought me along with several Others
IhaC was twelve years ago. Now
nave four s>enographers OF nv own
ana NY own private secretarv.''
Miss AmenCt is a wholesome 9th
letic. --Sood-ioolSing young woman
Horses ana golf interest her mosf-
after finance. Today she is inde-
pendently wealthy.
And these are some Of the women in
New York finance.
The Washington times., 1907-12-08

tIE KNOW. Doc. but let me tell
YOU that in order to enjoy all
them same advantages, as you
ca3l EN-. Of the power o the
Iress. you've got 10 come blamed near
possessin' all tho characteristics an
general Information O. the Almighty.
an be willin' % work for a blamed
signt more mod crate income An let
ne tell you that there amt many edi-
tors got that far yet. You dOcors re
the ones who have the cinch. cause
Nacn YOU make mistake you bury
il. an the sufferer can't come around
the mex DAY an crack YOU on the
mcdulla oblongata with a fence stake.
When we editors make P mistake IL
goes in black an white into every
home in the county. il is chopped out
an carrieo in the vest pocket OF every
fool who wants TO stir up a laugh at
cur expense down at the store. an if
it happens 70 be 9 serious error we
may pi ov'ry case Of type in tn whole
blamed shack throwin' some idiot into
tn street"
NOW" continued the editor, right
here's letter from the sewing circle
up at the Corners. an the whole
blamed bunch of old hens re cuttin'
Off their subscription cause their let
ter of thanks TO the committee who
aided them in pullin' of a pumpkin
pie social got locked up among the
testimonials in patent medicine ad
by mistake.
NO. Doc. don't talk to me bout the
fascination o. newspaper life. We got
troubles that the ignorant public don't
know nothin about. The W. c. T. u.
writes me a letter on tn liquor ques-
tion. an If don't print il tn whole
bunch cuts Off their subscriptions. Hf
do print &c tn Powetown Brewery an
tn tavern up at tn Corners pulls out
their ad. It's a case or heads you win,
tails I lose. Then that blamed fool OF
typesticlSer I'm there's always gettin'
some fellow campin' on tn trail o. the
editorial force. Last winter, when
PruciIla Simpkins got married. in an
item Stain that she had "A berth on
tn Overland Limited fur California,
ne spelt berth birth. an tn edi-
torial force o. tn Budget had to waste
a lot o. valuable time durin' tn sue
ceedin summer beatin up tn Simp-
Etns connection.
The Washington times., 1907-12-08
In Ink Barrel.

They hshed the editor out OF an INK
barrel and scraped him down and gave
him a benzine bath Then the doctor
collected the remnants OF bis classical
features and stuck them together into
as nearly the correct physiological
prc portions OF a man as possible. The
nose wasn't altogether a perfect nsse.
but The doctor didn't have much 20
start with. The right eye may have
been a little out OF true. but IL IS
difficult Job 20 coax back an eye that
has wandered away from home and
seen the rest OF the world and get II
70 fan into the old humdrum existence
again In fact. the ensemble OF the en-
tire face seemed to be a HttIe OF
but the doctor was mighty lucky 70
get Il 20 ensemble at all.
For a few days the editor of the
Biilviue Budget Ioafed around so near
the Pearly Gates that nc could see
them Elinting IN the sunlight. He
dwelt in the suburbs OF the View
Jerusalem. and so close IN TO town
that he could hear the music OF The
harps and see the glitter OF the gold
paving blocks
But an editor can't hang around the
Peariy Gates for long. not = he's
caught al II. ar any rate. and Il
wouldn't DO him much good n he did.
SO one day the editor or the BuIviIe
Budget came back % the horrible
reality OF things and he was told BY
the heartess doctor that he would
have 70 live.
Doc" he said. with tears In his
battered eyes. we once expressed a
lIkin' fur IN newspaper business.
Dye want a job where you en- have
all this power O. tn press you talked
bout in yer fst2 Where you en- con-
troll politics an society an give tn
people yer opinion an gil free tickets
an an that7 r you do, I'll sell you
newspaper plant cheap. Il needs a
little fixin up now. but it's a fine open
in for a man who pines fur an active
life"
NO. Josh" replied the doctor. Tvs
changed my mind bout tn newspaper
business"
The Washington times., 1907-12-08
Thin, Angular Woman.

= Well began the doctor. but Just
then the door opened TO admit thin
and angular female figure IN black
with an aspect about as cheerful as
the Christmas decorations in an under
takers window, and the doctor closed
up.
Mornin. doctor: morning. Mr..
Scroggs." said tie newcomer. Il hev'
here a letter Z tn public which tn
Purity League prepared las night al
their reg'lar meetin' an which we'd
like TO hev' yew print in yer paper
It's ag'in tn use O. tobaccy an cal
clated L save tn chHder O. tn village
frum this vile habit. Were gittin' up
a boycott on ev'ry store in tn county
what dares L sell tn filthy weed.
Now, Miss Tibbs." replied the edi-
tor, after turning loose a stream Of
the "hlty juice" az the paste can in
order to give room for the words. .T
can publish no bOycottin' letters. much
as I'd like L 'commOdase tn Purity
League. 1 wouldn't have no advertisin'
left, an I'm perticlarly anxious to
'cumUlate tn price Of a new pair o.
shoes comm Christmas. Sides. Miss
I1bbs. tn tobacco habit isn't so all
fired fad. after all Did tn Purity
League ever c'nsider what a change II
would have made in tn history o. tn
world if Adam d a chew O. tobacco In
his face when Eve offered him tn an
pie in IN GarSen o. Eden2'
Why. Mr.. Scroggsl That's sacrv-
lege. III report this tn Purity
League, an wen ev'ry las one quit
takin' yer paper. 1 alters heard that
The Washington times., 1907-12-08

do,tcr ,rlwled ont u the cyclone beIt
a2G %, gan 0ahing his aching void ir
tie ly, bu-Eet by mistake
IN the meantime tie office or tie
hiilylle Budget was the center OF ac-
uvity in tho aewspaper world. Things
were following each other rapidly in
the editorial sanctum Of the Budget
\ case OF ~nonpareiI' followed a box
er furniture" out through the window
and pied itself the gutter The vis-
itOr from the ozark mountains fol
lowed the editor under the galley press
and over q rcH OF paper into the
~heIi-box." Then the order OF pro-
sression was lost IN a whirlwird u
events
Wnen the 'iector. the compositor
and The "deViT' dnaIIy vertured hack
iuto the storrl gone, accompanied by
tEe blacksmith and tie grocerymau,
The Washington times., 1907-12-08

an ominous stiffness perlnGed the
scene OF the erstwhile activities. Il
was a stillneas such as creeps over na-
tuie after the zephyrs have dalIied
With the landscape Till there is no
more landscape 10 daily with and has
blown out 'ts fuse. The once OF the
Budget. or what had been the Office OF
the Budget IN the immediate prece-
deney. was somewhat scattered There
didn't seem 10 be any cohesion or ar
tistic tasse shown in the arrangement
Of the furnishings, but the erect pro
duced spoke worlds for the energy and
activity Of the interior decorator
The Washington times., 1907-12-08
Continued from Fifth Page1

decided to try my luck. I signed all
my circulars X. NJ. Giles. and they
thought was man. When they
found out I wasn't. some Of them
thought it was a great Joke But
when Wall Street learned that the big
Eest cotton houses were my customers.
they began to take me seriously.
Outside OF cotton and finance Miss
Giles is chiefly interested in music.
Every sunday her clear soprano tones
ring ont In the choir or the little Pres
hyterian church in Nyack. y. Y. This
little women makes 5000 a year
In one OF the biggest banks in New
York. whore there are daily transac-
tions with London. Paris. and Berlin.
involving rilllons in specie. Miss
Mabel McComh rresides at the ex-
change desk. she feels the pulse or
the world where gold is concerned.
She knows on just which side OF the
ocean the supply is. and Where IL is.
She knows just where the demand is
her figures are absolute.
"Ol. it's intuition now" laughed
Miss McConib. VINO is chic. vivacious
ard twenty-five. How do I do Il?
II ] told. there are a hundred girls in
Wall Street who would know how.
and ,.here would 7 be?''
In reality Miss McCOmb is secre-
tarv ard stonographer to the vice
president of tae bank. He is in charge
OF ils vast system OF exchange. But
It is Miss McComb who determines the
rate and her figures rule wall Street.
il is she who determines whether a
pound sterling is to be worth s4.S5 or
N.N6h or whether francs should be
quoted tt $5.237t less lie or 1924: or
reichsmarks at 94is less i-S2 or 81 gat
Hers is a crowded hour when panic
Is on, and London, Paris. and Berlin
are calling for money,
Miss Harriet Long is cashier in one
OF the biggest houses in wall street.
Imagine her troubles in the panic
when she had TO pass on checks tor
The Washington times., 1907-12-08

try village? Never. Country people
are not Of this sort: IL one of their
number falls III. an endless procession
of friends come and go. carrying Row-
ers. deiicacies and cheering words To
the invalid. When the Sick person re
covers. everybody is GLAD and con
sratula tions are showered upon him.
II grim death comes. there are loving
hands to perform the, last sad offices.
10 place flowers upon the casket and
TO mlngie tears with the bereaved ones
This IS what people in country VIII
lages do In cities 1 have seen funerals
and receptions going on, under the
same roof
To journey through country lanes
90 see the tender stars shine down
The Washington times., 1907-12-08

growl at the g.rIs or scold the men.
Nay. nay, He sat right down at
his desk. or he lifted his hammer or
plane, and just pounded in. working
with al his might and main. and pres
entity the thing was done.
Dawdlers never accomplish definite
results
Strikers never get to the end OF the
way.
Loafers are a thorn in the flesh,
bone 81 contention and a general
nuisance TO society.
Men who make things go. so them
The Washington times., 1907-12-08

from the summer heavens; to hear
the whisper OF the Winds blowing
across the meadows and fields: 10 hear
The pdrlings OF busy little brooks. 60
hear the innumerable voices Of na-
ture. translated, by the chidren's
tones and the song or birds: TO feel
that YOU are - part OF natures self.
part OF its forests and riHs and
streams. is TO enter into natures
heart. and realize that SOU are a part
thereof; that YOU have kinship 20
ever tree. that YOU are related TO
every animal that moves TO every
stone that lies by the wayside, that
You are intimate with everything that
lives and bre3thes. All these 90 TO
make up the life OF men and women
and children who live in country VIII
i ges.
The Washington times., 1907-12-08

helping hands to those who need them.
g / remember a story which ,ppeared
in the papers. perhaps a nIoHth ago.
about the dying woman who wac left
suffering on a park bench On
bench in Madison Square. Think Of it,
A woman dying of consumption. so
weak ,'iat sne was uD2@le 10 walk. so
III that she was dying. \ man who
had noticed her sitting there tele-
DhOned the Department of Charities
and several hospitals. and after re-
peated reiusals. finally prevailed upon
the authorities of one hospital to send
IN ambulance for the dying woman.
The ambulance came-it was TOO late
The w0man was dead.
Would this have happened in a conn
The Washington times., 1907-12-08


doctor, 'it seems 70 me it has some
thin on rollin' liver pills an dopin'
up chilblains. You've got tn pow
er O. th' press in your fist, an a
thousand people all over tn coun-
try sit up nights to read your opin-
ion on everything from high
finance to the determination of DO
tato bugs. You control politics in
TIL country, you've got society I'M
der your horny thumb, an you get
free tickets every time Uncle Toms
Cabin hits the village"
The Washington times., 1907-12-08

fighter, then he's got to be a champion
crOss-cotntry runner or he'll be spend
IN too much time in tn hospital 10
In addition TO this he has to be a mar
row gauge lawyer. a broad-gauge poll
Ucian. picturesque an cheerful liar.
know al tn signs of tn zodiac, an be
able 60 prognosticate tn weather. have
tn gift oLsecond sight down pat. be
up on suckiH' type. distributin'. run
The Washington times., 1907-12-08

tcInauSoal diplomacy as weu as do
mestie, marine navigation. baIloonin'
coal mimi. municipal government.
stock raisin'. sheep shearin', fgurin
up battln' averages, face massa gin. .
how 10 remove warts, etc After a
man gets outside o. this knowledge.
doc, ne IS ready 20 begin newspaper
career with some hope O. success. pro-
vidin' he has a pull in IN community.
an stays with II long enough. an isn't
easily discouraged.
The Washington times., 1907-12-08
Do IT RIGHT NOW = s.: : &c

IT AVE YOU ever watched a busy
Fl man as he waded through his
4 work?
He didn't waste time in look
ing after the non-essenusls.
He didn't fooi around and whine
about the immense amount OF work he
had TO do.
He didn't call his vie Up on the
telephone and tell her he had an aw-
ful headache" and he didn't know
how he vas ever going TO get through
with his days work"
He didn't stop 10 jaw the boys.
The Washington times., 1907-12-08
KIT AXE my tip, Doc, an
never butt into the
newspaper game.
4 The editor of the

Billville Budget showed his morning
mai, consisting of letter, a patent
medicine circular and a souvenir
postal car, into his inside vest
pocket, and added another pint OF
tobacco juice to the burnt amber
frescoing about the base of the
paste can under the galley press
"WhatS tn kick" replied the
The Washington times., 1907-12-08

80 aalo widths ana emiuenIy suitable
f0r quelllns q riot
You see. replied the editor. "th'
compositor has that punctuaied wrong.
an % gives IL IN wrong sense
Wel,' r0ared the scenery. "I'm go-
in' q punch YOU eight times an see II
% don't give you IN right fense.'
The Washington times., 1907-12-08
Kaziness Follows.

There Was a haziuess abo,d the sub
sequcnc proceedings which prevents
accuracy of statement ON the doctors
part. as Il railing type case inserted
long interval OF aching voi,i in his
memory. But Il seemed as though
cyclone haG wandered aimIessiv into
Inc office Of the Billviue Budget. ana
then get busy. II exhibited so much
rhtausi1sm IN its business that thu
The Washington times., 1907-12-08

newspaper men was wicked am
worldly class, but ] never thought il
would Kit so near hup. Goodhy. doc
tor, I'm 'sprised thet you'd loaf IN
sich a wicked resort
The Washington times., 1907-12-08
Must Be Athlete.

cone O. tn most important qualihca-
tionS of an editor. doc. is to be a good
athlete II he ism a good two-handed
The Washington times., 1907-12-08
SIMPLE LIVES ARE BEST---By Carolyn Prescott

LLN EOPBE in cities sneer at the
the small towns but there
are worse places. We prefer
living in a small town.
"here the people will symPathize with
YOU If you. are in trouble. and if you
haven't any trouble they wiz hunt il
up for you"
Ihe editor OF a certain paper writes
TINS. ana many Will agree with him.
though some myself among tne num-
Der take exception to the last sen
tence
People wilc Hsse-in small towns. peo-
pie who leaG simple lives. people who
live as people IN Sle city never knew
how to live. are .ympathetic. warm
bearted. always ready TO reach out
The Washington times., 1907-12-08

Page Eleven
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1907-08-29
ANNOUNCEMENT
OF Mr.. GetChe|ES Candi-
daCy For Sheriff Made.
Will Seek Nomination at Re-
publican Convention.
Long Service As Deputy--Has Held
Important City Offices.

The following letter when was sent
out on Wednesday to Republican toWn
committees i'll Eemcbec county is
s~If-CXr ianatory:
NItyrville Me, Aug -, 1907
Dear Sir-.\t III: next Republican
county convention my name will be
presented as Il candidate for the Office
Of sheriff.
| fully realize the importance of that
Office and if dominated and elected,
pledge myself to the faithful perform
ancc of every duty connected Herewith.
Your support is earnestly solicited.
Kindly give me Your views of the sit
uation and an expression of your feel
inIs towards my candidacy.
Very truly yours.
COLBY GETCHELL.
The annCuncclncnt &c the candidacy
IF Mr. Gctchel for tho Office of shcr-
iIr az this county VIII not come as a
surprise to tie great majority OF the
Eci,lJilrans rs it has been generally
understand for some time thlt he
would D., Il candidate. while hi. friends
i,nN, taken the matter as Q forcgonr
,onciuSiun ANA have boon working
C'lIctlT tNt tlIttllttl\ 10 ASSIST NM IL
every way fossFlc in landing the office.
AR. G"tchcll has had Il wide cXDcri-
cncc as deputy sheriff here in this
city tnr UP 10 the inc Sheriff Plaistcd
,l.,ic into office hc had been III" deputy
ShcriG' FIJI me long period Of 10 years.
l...ir.c that time hr duties Woe per
l,rulrd Y'ith pro!nrtn"sE and efficiency,
amd Il Mas y eoirC" of regret Ia many
Wh.n h. WAS Obliged t. give III: his Of
fec to 4 Democratic successor. 1t is
I!,,vt vtr. worthy Of note that he has
continued to 10 worry large share Of
the business Of those who form rly r"-
uufrod his services, and which would
otherwise go to the new deputies.
Mr.. Getchell has always been Il
prorainant and loyal Republican. has
served AZ IN aldermen in tho city GOV
eminent If Watcrvil'". and for 4 great
humber Of years has been member,
ana ut times chairman of the Republic
can city committee His candidacy Will
doubtless; be favorably received by tn"
great majority of the Republicans OF
thc county.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1907-08-29

Messrs. r. F. Bliss. y. II. Chatfeld
and T. ii. Chatfield of Cincinnati and
W. G. Gilbert If Utica, n. y. were i'll
town over Tuesday night, guests at Ho-
tel Cohurn. They passed through town
ono week ago, en- route to Quebec. They
left that city Tuesday morning at
o'clock. arriving her" at that evening,
making the run of 1S3 miles. including
stops for dinner and other purposes
in II hours. This was an average of II
milyS al hour With stops, but Of course
tho actual running time was much
faster. Tn" party left here Wednesday
morning ut on their way to New York
They were making the trip in Il Large
HnCEDNl tnn,iN.. car.