The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-01-13

rars afther me, an whin l died to have it put in tn books that at this critical peeryod in tn histhry of Amer ica there was need iv a man who com bined strenth iv chdrackter With love iv counthry. Such a man was found In Martin Dooley, prominent retail Iiuuor dealer in Ar-rchey road That g what I wanted, and I'm glad I didn't get me wish. If had, 'tis little at tintion to me charackter that tn books iv what Hogan calls biography wud pay, but a good deal to me debts. Though they mintioned tn fact that resked death f'r me adopted father land, they'd make tn more intherstin' story about tn time I almost met It be fallin' down stairs while runnin away firm a polisman. FIT wan page they'd print about me love if counthry, they'd print fifty about me low iv boose.
 "Th things thim gr-rcat men done wud give thim a place in Byrnes's book If Julius Caysar was alive today he d be doin' a lock-step down in Joliet. He was a corner loafer in his youth and robber in his old age. He busted into churches. fooled around with other mems wives, curled his hair with poker, and smelled iv perfumery like q Saturday night car. An his wife was a suspicyous charackter an he turned her away. Napolyon Bonypart. impror iv tn Fr-rinch. was far too gay aven fir thim friv'lous people, an had hts. His first wife was no betther thin she shud be, an his second wife didn't care f'r him. Willum Shakespeare is well known as an author of plays that no wan can play, but he was betther known as two-handed dhrinker. bad actor, an a thief. His wife Was q common scold an led him tn life he desarved.
 'aThey niver leave tn ladies out " these stories iv tn gr-reat. A woman that marries a janius has fine chance iv her false hair becomin' more immor- tai thin his gr-reatest deed. It don't make amy diff'rence if all she knew about her martial hero was that he was A consistent feeder. a sleepy husband, an an indulgent father to his childher an sometimes to himsilf, an that she had to darn his socks. Nearly all th er-reat men had something 'h' matther with their wives. l always thought Mrs. Wash'nton, who was tn wife iv th' father iv our country, though child less hersilf,. was about right. She looks good in tn pitchers, with shawl around her neck an frilled night-cap on her head. But Hogan says she had A tongue sharper thin Georges soorc, she insuItcd all his frinds, she was much older thin him, an she liked food that they cudden't keep amy longer in tn ice-box. As fir George he was ease I wish tn country had got It. silf a diff rent father. gr-reat moral reIliious counthry like this desarves T betther parent. l., Bobby Burns as a man that wrote good songs, even if they were in bar brous accinct, but Hogan thinks iv him as havin' a load all tn time an beln tn scandal iv his parish l raymimbeI Andhrew Jackson as tn man that lick ed tn British at Noo Orleans be throw i'm cotton bales at thim, but Hogan raymimbers him as a man that cudden smell an had a wife who smoked a corncob pipe. l raymimber Abraham Lincoln fir freein tn slaves. but Ho- gan raymimbers how he used to cut loose yarns that made tn bar-tindeI shake tn stove harder thin it needed I raymimber Grant f'r what he done around Shiloh whin he was young, but Hogan raymimhers him fir what he done around New York whin he as old.
 An so 1t goes. Whln a lad with nawthin' else to do starts out to write a biography about a gr-reat man, he don't go tn War Departmint or tn publict library. No, Sir he begins to search tn bureau drawers, old pigeon holes. tn records iv tn polls coort. an tn recOllections iv tn hired girl. He likes letters hetther thin annythine else. He don't care much fir tn kind beginnin. Dear wife, I'm settin' in front iv tn camp fire wearin' tn fan mel chest protector ye made me, an dhreamin' iv va but if he can find wan beginnin': Little Bright Eyes; 'Th old woman has gone to tn counthry. he's tn happiest ographer ye cue see in a months thravel.
 Hogan had wan iv thim books fir here tn other day. Twas written by frlnd. so ye can see it wasn't pre-. Judiced wan way or another. At this time. says the hook. 'an ivint happened that was destined to change tn whole coorse iv our hero's life Wan day while in a sthreet car. where he laN