davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The silver state news. [volume] (Winnemucca, Nev.) 1907-1909, 1907-10-14
The Professional Funny Men
From the Battle Mountain Herald.

From the Battle Mountain Herald.
The meeting of the American HumoriSs in convention at os Angeles
recently has called forth a flood of criticism from many of the newspapers
of the West, much o f which is not altogether favorable to the funny men,,
the object of whose meeting, like some of their jokes, is a little vague.
Tbev are rather harhy handled for writing jokes for pay, and more
esneciaIy for taking themselves 50 seriously In these particulars it
to uswe should temper our judgment, for after all, what matters it
hat they crack jokes at so much per crack, 50 long as they max us
langhs What are the odds if m of them ever have the marks of age, SO
ong as they drive dull care away. In fact most things are old. Our re
igion is old; our philosophy is old; u faith is old. Love is old, and hope,
it is said, springs eternal in the human breast. Solomon said there was
nothing new, and so far IS W know, he a right At any rate, W e d.
not know If anyone who has successfully contradicted him.
ANY way the merit OF a thing does not necessarily lie in being either
old or new The jokes they tell US may have been told by Spartacus and
Pernles and the rest of the boys of the dim and misty historic days.
but then we weren lot present to hear them.
Furthermore, the value Of a joke is more often in the telling than n the
Joke itself; and a good deal also depends upon who tells it. We are told
that the story II the jumping frog is as old as the pyramids, and fol all
that we know it may have been told in the arena by Roman orators
harangueing he gladiators, but Mark Twain told it a few year ago and
made all the world laugh.
AS for taking themselves so seriously, we must take into consideration
that when a man once establishes a reputation as a mirth provoker he is
expected to sustain it at all times, under all circumstances, and OF Ill
occasions; and being funny all the time is a serious business.
One of the greatest gifts of God to MAJ is a sense OF humor. To be
able always to see he ridiculous in things is to see the bright side; and to
see the bright side rather than the sombe, is a happy faculty indeed
The man who has lost his sense of humor has lost his usefulness, and
the man who never had any sense of humor is o be pted.
A good joke is the enemy O grief, the foe o. depression; it wipes away
the tear If sorrow and presses uponthe brow of sadness the kiss of joy
Laughter and good humor, the sunshine of the soul, the wheat among the
tar, the gold in the sands Of the desert, the roses in the garden of thorns,
are alike the privilege of the poor and the rich; the humble and The ex
allied, the old and the young.
The silver state news. [volume] (Winnemucca, Nev.) 1907-1909, 1907-10-14
WILL Tunnel A
COLORADO PEAK
Shorter Time Between Denver and
Salt Lake City will be the Result

DENVER, Colo, Oct. Articles of
Incorporation of the Continental Tun-
ned company, stoned by Thomas F.
Walsh, John w. Springer, James H.
Blood, Herbert George and w o.
Temple, were filed at the Office of the
secretary of state here today. The
company is organized to build a tun-
mel through James peak for the use of
the Denver, Northwestern & Pacific
railway (the Moffatt line). Bonds to
the amount of 5 million dollars, guar
anteed by the Moffatt road, will be
issued. The tunnel will be about FIVE
miles long and will materially lower
the general grade Of the Moffatt road
as originally constructed over the
continental divide, making it possible
to run trains between Denver and Salt
Lake, when the road is finished, in
twelve hours.
The silver state news. [volume] (Winnemucca, Nev.) 1907-1909, 1907-10-14
NO PLACE FOR HIM HERE

"Your HONOR said a prosecuting
attorney in a backwoods court, 1.-THE
prisoner at the bar is charged with
killing one of the most exemplary cit
liens Of the county. Thomas Jones,
Your Honor, vas in every respect q
model man. He was a member OF the
church; he was never known to bet on
horse races, play poker, drink whisky
or use tobacco. He
"Hold on q minute said the
judge. "You say he bet on a
horse?' i.
"That's what l said, Your Honor. A
The silver state news. [volume] (Winnemucca, Nev.) 1907-1909, 1907-10-14
Immense Profits of Standard Oil Co.

From the Battle Mountain Herald.

From the Battle Mountain Herald.
For the first time there has just been made public the income account
and balance sheet of the Standard Oil company of New Jersey, which is
the parent of all the Standard Oil companies Of tn world. report
shows that the wealth Of the company has at n 70 me
The income account shows that while the company paid forty million do[
lars in dividends in the year ending December 31st last, 1t carried more
than eighty three million dollars n left as a surplus for the year some
thing over four and three-q quarters mnIon dollars.
Added to the previous surplus, the total surplus in proht nc loss
moun to W hundred and sixty one million dollars, or more than Inc
times the amount of the great fine of $29y24o0oo imposed by Judge andls
The balance sheet of the company shows assets OF $37looso3z, a con
pared with a capitalization of $lOOOOOOOO. Apart from the capital stock
outstanding and the profit and loss surplus, the only liabilities arr ac
counts payable to thu amount of $1225fO0O
A man or woman in public oil private life, who yer works only for the
sake of the reward that comes from the work, will in tint long run do
poor work always. 1 do not care what the work is, tn man OF woman
who does work worth doing is the or Won no IVES oV""
sleenst that work.: with whom it IS eve present in his or nr soud; "hoSe
ambition is to do it well and feel rewarded by TN though +" n""e
don it well. That man that woman, puts the whole country nde IN
obigaton-John Ruskin.
The silver state news. [volume] (Winnemucca, Nev.) 1907-1909, 1907-10-14

FANCY CAKES, all fresh, new
goods in packages and bulk, compris-
ing most everything. Try them.
F. G. ROBINS & co.
The silver state news. [volume] (Winnemucca, Nev.) 1907-1909, 1907-10-14
THE FASHION LIVERY
FEED AND SALE STABLE

Special Attention Paid to Transient
Gus ON and Freight Teams. Horses Kept
BY the Day, Week or Month. Car
Bedding and Stock Shipping a Speciality
The silver state news. [volume] (Winnemucca, Nev.) 1907-1909, 1907-10-14

Regular Express and Job Wagons Are
Run in Connection With the Stable and
All Orders VIM Receive Prompt and
Careful Attention,
The silver state news. [volume] (Winnemucca, Nev.) 1907-1909, 1907-10-14

ssNever was known to play a
game?"
"Never, Your Honor"
ssAnd he never drank liquor?'
"Never drank a drop, Your
Honor
'sAnd he didn't chew tobaccog'
sNever took a chew in his life
'sWell them said the judge, i.
don't see what he wanted to live for.
There wasn't anything in life for
him, and / don't see why he amt
about as we'll off dead as alive. Re
lease the prisoner, Mr.. Sheriff, and
call the next case.'
The silver state news. [volume] (Winnemucca, Nev.) 1907-1909, 1907-10-14
HIS DEAR OLD MOTHER

my dear old mother, Who IS now
SO years old, thrives on Electric Bit
ters," writes w. B. Brunson of Dub
lin, Ga. "She has taken them fol-
about two years and enjoys an excel
lent appetite, feels strong and sleeps
WELL" That's the way Electric Bit
ters affect the aged, and the same hap.
by results follow in all cases of fe-
male weakness and general debility
Weak. puny children, too, are greatly
strengthened by them. Guaranteed al
SO for stomach, liver and kidney trou
bles, by the Eagle Drug & Jewelry Co
so cents.
The silver state news. [volume] (Winnemucca, Nev.) 1907-1909, 1907-10-14
HOT TAMALEs

Hot tamales and hot chocolate are
now being served by Pearce and Case.
They make a most appetizing repast'
Call and try them. 03w1.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1907-12-07
THE STORY.

sec URELY they will remember nv
~ charge to deal gently with the
young mani"
Thus spoke King David half aloud
to himself as he sat in the gate of the
city waiting for tidings from the army
which had gone forth that morning
to battle with the army of Absalom
his son. Over and over again he had
repeated the words as he had kept his
long vigil, and the plaintive yearning
in the voice and the haggard, care
worn look upon the face indicated the
depth of feelings which surged within.
1t was David the father, and not
David the king, who strained his eyes
out over the plain, and longed for
tidings of the hayward son. Not
since he had left Jerusalem, driven
forth by the strong conspiracy of Alb
salon, had he ceased to yearn for the
young man or plan for his safety If
the rebellion should be successfully
crushed.
For this reason when the army
which had rallied to the support Of
King David was marching forth he
charged the captains of the three diyi-
sions, saying: Deal gently for my
sake with the young man, even with
Absalom." And the men standing
near heard and told others SO that it
was known to all the army what
David had said And now as he sat
there in the gate and the hours
dragged slowly by, David wondered il
his admonition would be needed. His
heart was troubled because of the
weight of personal guilt which he felt
was responsible in large measure for
the present trouble.
"Ah," he sighed, how / wish / could
go back 90, 80 years. 1t is my sin
which has brought this upon me.
Had done my duty my son would not
to-day be seeking my life and the
kingdom"
Vain regret is poor comforter, and
so it was that David found only har-
assment for his soul in living over
again his life in memory. His mis-
takes and sins rose up before him.
He recalled the, beautiful boy Absalom,
his fair countenance and noble bear
ing, and he remembered the pride with
which he had watched his physical
and mental development. He had not
been conscious then that the influence
of the mother Maacah, who was
daughter of the king of Geshur, was
strong enough TO turn the heart of the
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1907-12-07
Household Hints,

Mix a teaspoonful of pulverized
alum with the stove polish and it will
give the stove fine luster.
If the chimney takes fire throw on
a handful Of sulphur or several hand
fuls of salt.
Make pad about two feet long of
old bed comforts to stand on when
ironing. 1t will save much fatigue.
Cheap Floor Polish.-Save all the
ends of candles, put them in jar and
melt them on the stove, mix them
with enough turpentine to make soft
paste and you will have an excellent
polishing material for oilcloth, linol-
cum, ETC., which will cost you hardly
nothing.
To remove rust from steel rub the
rusted article well with sweet oil, and
allow the oil to remain upon it 4S
hours. Then rub with soft leather.
Sprinkle with finely powdered I'M
Stacked lime until the rust disappears.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1907-12-07

The process of making Washing
ton the most beautiful city in the
world, according to the plan devised
by a committee of architects, land
scape gardeners and citizens who
wanted to reform something, began
last winter with an appropriation Of
$1,000 0e Cor the first steps in the
work. these steps, II appears, includ-
ing the cutting down of certain very
beautiful historic trees in the Botanic
garden. When local paper recently
mentioned what was to be done q
citizen who loves trees hastily got out
an Injunction restraining proceedings,
then appealed to Speaker Cannon for
help. The speaker responded prompt
", and through his influence the cut
ting Of the trees has been indefinitely
delayed. The people who undertake
to make beautiful cities should re-
member that while fine architectu-
raj structure can be built in a year, a
tree is the growth perhaps of cen
fury, and is to be cherished above
all else.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1907-12-07
Pe-rn.na Tablets.
HOW he FOUND THE KEY.
Brothers Method Was Simple, buE
Also Somewhat Costly.

Miss Dresswell had just returned,
after spending week with country
friend. Imagine her CONSERVATION
when she discovered her previously
Well-stocked wardrobe empty!
Gracious, George!" she said to her
brother. "Where are all my clothes?
And what in the world is that great
black patch on the lawn"
The face of George exhibited all the
well-known signs of conscious right
eousness, and he met her gaze I'M
1inchingly.
Maria" he replied consolingly, "you
wrote to me that if l wanted the key
of the billiard room should find 1t in
the pocket of your bolero."
Eyes, yes!"
'fWell, | don't know bolero from a
fichu or box pleat, SO took all the
things to the lawn and burnt them.
Then I recovered the key from the
ashes"
She froze him with a stare, and he
is now thawing slowly on the kitchen
stoye.-Stray Stories.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1907-12-07
A BLESSING IN DISGUISE
By David III. Talmadge
(Copyright.)

There is an indestructible love
story which has never been told be-
yong the gossip-line Of Richdale, and
It might never have been told beyond
that limit had George Perkins not
come by chance within the charmed
circle. The story is termed indestruc-
tlble because, although the gossips
have wrestled with it earnestly for
two years, they seem to be as far from
an amicable agreement as in the be-
ginning. 1t will doubtless last forever.
George is somewhat inclined to feel
elated over the fortune which was his
in contracting a variety of typhoid
fever germs; he looks upon the circum,
stance as blessing in disguise-a dis
guise which was perfect. They waged
most bitter fight, those germs, be-
fore they were routed. When George
finally did gain the upper hand of
them, he found that the effort had al
most exhausted him. The reaction
came, and grim death was ciinging to
its skirts. George was weak, spirit
less, discouraged, and the doctor
ordered change of air and scene.
Go somewhere and forget some
thing" said the doctor, drawing tab.
let of prescription blanks from his
pocket and putting it back again. GO
somewhere and forget anything. And
do it quick"
So George languidly packed a few
things into a small valise, and crawled
away to the railroad station, where
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1907-12-07
Danger In oysters,


The wise person has his oysters
cooked, knowing full well that danger
9urks in the toothsome raw bivalves,
unless there is full knowledge of just
where they come from. It is interest
iEg TO see that health authorities are
Issuing warnings against oysters.
The Massachusetts, board of health
mas cautioned Boston against oy.
steTs and CLAIMS dug near that city,
and DR.. Daniel Lewis, president of the
metropolitan sewerage commission,
and DR.. Daniel D. Jackson, bacteriol-
ogist of the New York water board,
nave both declared that many of the
oysters supplied to the New York
market come from neighboring waters
that are literally nothing more than
strong solution of sewage. There
isn't square foot of the water of
the harbor that isn't polluted by sew
age" says DR.. Lewis, "and I would
no more think of eating an oyster or
clam taken from these waters than I
would SO much deadly poison" 1t is
slowly becoming recognized, says
the Springfield (Mass.) Republican,
that shellfish taken from close about
the harbor of large city, under the
present methods of disposing of sew
Rge, are admirably calculated to con-
vey the germs of typhoid fever.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1907-12-07
sIavs Make Earns Paw.

The Slavs are colonizing Connecti-
cut valley. Old Hadley is said to be
full of them occupying the old colonial
residences up and down the elm-shad-
ed streets of that beautiful New Eng
land town in tenements, four or five
faailies to house, and even taking
boarders. Industry is their watch
word, and they are taking up the
farms that the New England stock is
abandoning. They bring lower stand
ard of living. This is to be regretted
but, it is said, that they are making
the New England farms pay, and as
they get rich they spend more and live
better.-Lewiston Journal.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1907-12-07
Stop Nose Bleeding.

The nose bleeds either from injury
or congestion. One remedy which is
successful in many cases is to hold
the arms high above the head until
the bleeding stops. If this does not
stop the bleeding, hold a piece of ice
or a cloth dipped in cold water and
wrung out tight, between the shoulder
blades and the back of the neck. Ere.
quent bleeding of the nose is a sign
of anemja and the child thus afflicted
should be placed under a doctors care
at once.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1907-12-07
Women Workers In London.

No very great observation is needed
to come to the conclusion that the
number of women who travel to the
city every day to earn their living il
constantly on the increase. Especially
is this the case as regards the women
who are engaged in factories, as dis
tinguished from the girls who ACT
as clerks and-typists. A return shows
that at the present time female labo5
is represented in as many as ninet.
different industries, the number Of,
hands employed exceeding 1920. Las,
year BE factories were visited by the
female sanitary inspectors in the ser
vice of the corporation, while 1905
workshops similarly came under re
view.-Pall Mall Gazette.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1907-12-07
HOW TO COOK EGGS.
Appetizing When Combined with q
BechameI Sauce.

Two very pretty dishes can be made
by combining eggs with a Bechamel
sauce.
Cook together for three minutes,
without browning, very full table
spoon of butter and an equal quantity
OF flour. Add very slowly a pint of
boiling milk. Season with teaspoon
OF salt and saltspoon of pepper. Add
two shallots, one Glove, one-ha1f of a
bay leaf, four sprigs of parsley and
one branch of celery. Cook all to.
gether ten or twelve minutes, strain,
and add generous half-tablespoon
of butter.
Have ready nine eggs boiled for
seven minutes CATER the water COM
mences to boiD. Cut them in half
lengthwise, put yolks through a sieve
and add to them half their bulk in
butter, little salt and pepper and a
little cream, or some of the Bechamel
sauce. Stuff the whites with this
mixture, lay them on a well-buttered
pan, pour over them the Bechamel
sauce, cover with grated Swiss cheese
and brown in the oven and serve.
Or if an individual dish is desired,
the eggs may be placed in ramekins,
covered with the sauce and Drowned.
Or the whites of the hard-boiled
eggs may be cut into long petal shapes
and arranged around the edge of a
dish like the petals of a daisy. In
this case make bed of Bechamel
sauce in the center of large plate or
round platter, put the yolks through a
ricer or coarse sieve and heap them
up on the bed of sauce, keeping it as
nearly a perfect circle as possible,
then arrange the whites petalwise
about the edge, and you will have a
very delicious large white daisy.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1907-12-07
ITCHING RASH is YEARS.
Girls Rash Spread and Grew Worse
Under Specialists Care-Perfect
Cure by Gutcura Remedies.

when my daughter was a baby she
had breaking out behind the ears.
The doctor said that she would out.
grow it, and it did get somewhat bet
ter until she was about fifteen years
old, and after that she could get moth
ing that would drive it away. She was
always applying something in the way
Of salyes. It troubled her behind the
knees, opposite the elbows, back OF
the neck and ears, under the chin, and
then it got on the face. That was
about three years ago. She took treat
ment with specialist and seemed to
get worse all the time. We were then
advised to try the Cuticura Remedies,
and now don't see any breaking out.
M. Curley, 11-19 Sixteenth ST., Bay
City, Mich, May 20, 1906"
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1907-12-07
LinoIeum for Pan.3v sheIvea,

Stiff hnoleum is a sanitary and sat
isfactory protection for the vanished
shelves of the pantry: It is easily kept
clean and is heavy enough to keep in
place. Buy linoleum with a white
background, cut it carefully so that
1t fits the shelves perfectly. 1t needs
no lacking. I have had the same lin
oleum on my shelves for eight years
and it is still in good condition. Good
Housekeeping.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1907-12-07


Mrs. Mabel Loomis Todd, who went
to Chill with her husband, Prof. David
Todd of Amherst college, to help him
with his observations of the planet
Mars, also collected material on the
trip for series of lectures which she
has engaged to give during the com
ing winter and spring. Preparations
for these lectures. required a study of
the whole region Of the early Inca CIV
ilization, besides q knowledge Of the
past and present condition of Peru,
Chill and the country of the pampas
and the high Andes. Mrs. Todd has
already made a fine collection of Peru
Wan and Chilian relics, to which she
expects to add material before re-
turning home.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1907-12-07
Banana Cream Pie,

Line pan with crust and bake in a
hot oven. When done cover the bot
tom with slices of banana cut length
wise, very thin. 1.-TWO small bananas
are enough for one pie.) Then fill the
pan with custard made in the fol-
lowing manner: Two glasses of milk,
two tablespoonfuls of corn starch dis
solved in little milk, yolks of two
eggs and one teaspoonful of vanilla
extract. Boil in double boiler until
it thickens, then pour it into the pie
crust. Cover the top with the whites
of the eggs beaten stiff and slightly
sweetened. Place in the oven just
long enough to give it a rich brown.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1907-12-07

Hon. R. s. Tharin, Attorney at Law
and counsel for Antitrust League,
writes from Pennsylvania Ave, N. W.,
Washington, D. c., as follows:
Having used Perana for catarrhal
disorders / am able to testify to it's
great remedial excellence and do not
hesitate to give it my emphatic endorse
ment and earnest recommendation to
all persons affected by that disorder. Tt
is also tonic of great usefulness.
Mr. t. Barnecott, West Aylmer, On
tario, Can, writes: sc Last winter I was i'll
with pneumonia afferhaVfHg la grippe.
took Peruna for two months, when
became quite well. / also induced
young lady, who was ali run down
and confined to the house, to take Pc
runa, and after taking Peruna for three
months she is able to follow her trade
of tailoring. lean recommend Peruna
for all such who are i'll and require
tonic"
Pe-ru-na Tablets.
Some people prefer to take tablets,
rather than to take medicine in a fluid
form. Such people can obtain Peruna
tablets, which represent the solid me-
dicinal ingredients of Peruna. Each
tablet is equivalent to one average dose
of Peruna.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1907-12-07
EuneraIs.

e 2
We wqAld not deny the gravity Of
death; IL His q quite serious matter even
to those Of US who, while conscious of,
or ct least admitting, no really sinful
performances in the past, would never
theless, If pressed, confess to certain
miner indiscretions which we would
pc only too willing to join with the
Lord in forgetting. Nevertheless,
writes George Harvey in North Amer.
lean Review, ii form or ceremony or
general interest be considered the
criterion, dying is one of the most
popular things one can do. Nobody
goes to see a man born, but the en-
tire community turns out to see him
buried. Indeed, 1t is well known that
many people, perhaps majority, de-
rive actual enjoyment from beholding
with their own eyes life flicker out of
y persons body. The almost univer-
sai satisfaction found, from time i'm
memmorial, in witnessing a hanging
We4can understand; the event is more
spectacular and less expensive than
circus, possesses grisly human in
terest to distinctive degree, is pre-
srmably grimly just, and, in any case,
Is unpreventable If the hanging is
70 take place anyway, why should we
not see it? That is the reasoning,
and It seems good enough if one
cares for that variety of sport. But
we could never understand why old
wemen should, as they unquestionably
do, love to attend funerals, or how
anybody could be induced, except as
matter of duty, to make a business
or profession of the handling of
corpses.