Alaska sentinel., 1907-05-30
zS; zS;'S'S::6l1SAES
 

he'll eat hash In any restaurant in the country. Free Press.
 The janitor Is sweeping the back porches. wonder why?" "I don't know. I didn't ask him not to- Cleveland Press.
 He (about II 80 p. m.)-I do wish l had money enough to travel. She (sti- fling a yawn)-May not lend you your carfare re?-Boston Transcript
 She-Do you think our ancestors were monkeys? He-Mine were. The whole bunch didn't leave money enough to buy toothpick !-Chlcago News.
 Stella-I wonder why sentiment at. taches to first kiss? Bella-It's like the first tooth; you've got to have 1t be- fore you get the second.-Brooklyn Life.
 First Chauffeur-There's one thing I hate to run over, and that's a baby. Second Chauffeur-So do l. them nur- sing bottles raise Cain with tires Puck.
 Miss Swellington - What prompted Miss Golddust to take that old bache. Tor? Miss Wellington (sarcastically) -Kleptomania, guess-Lippincott' Magazine.
 Mrs. Newedde-Certalnly you may take some of those biscuits to your friend. Is he hungry, tool Weary No. mum; he's a geologist !-New Or. leans Picayune.
 Church-Does your wife spend much of her time shopplng7 Gotham-She says not She says she spends most of her time waiting for her change fonkers Statesman.
 "Now, Johnny" asked the teacher, what do we see In the country besides grass, trees and howers?" Patent medicine slgns!' was the prompt reply. Louisville Courler-Journal.
 "Dubley has an automobile, hasn't he" "I don't know" "Why, I thought you told me you saw him with one yesterdayT "Yes, but that was yesterday."-Phlladelphia Press.
 What becomes of a joke when 1t gets too old for the almanacT "The theatrical program gets It." And from there it's but a step to the musical comedy, ehf-Phlladelphia Bulletin.
 Customer-so you sell these watches at S5 each? It must cost that much to make them. Jeweler-It does. Gus tomer-Then how do you make any money7 Jeweler-Repairing them.- Stray Stories.
 The Widow-I want a man to do odd jobs about the house, run on errands one that never answers back and is al. ways ready to do my bidding. Appli- cant-You're looking for a husband. ma a'am.-Brooklyn Eagle.
 MT. Borem-She asked me to sing. and insisted upon encore after encore. Miss Pepper-Yes; she told me after ward that anything was better than sit. ting there and talking to you all the evening.-Illustrated Bits.
 "Wyndley doesn't play the cornet any more, does hep "No. he thought he'd better give It up." Bad for his lungs, ehr "It wasn't that. One of the neighors shot two keys of the instru. ment while he was playing it."-Clevs- land Plain Dealer.
 Has your wife got your den fixed up yet" "Yes. and you ought to see It It's the coziest place in the whole house." "I suppose you find great com. fort in 1t, don't you" "Oh, she won't let me go in 1t. It's merely to look at" Milwaukee Sentinel.
 "Young Jolliem always says tho right thing, doesn't he? He never seems at loss for the proper reply" Well, saw him nonplussed once" How was thatY Miss Keene asked him if he thought she looked as old as she was."-Cleveland Leader.
 Did you ever succeed In swaying an audience to laughter or tears at will" "No," answered Senator Sorghum; "I recognize the fact that all the worlds stage. I don't care to be reciting speeches. I want to be one of the men In the box ofiice."-Washlngton Star.
 Teacher-Now, boys, what Is the vir- tue of magnanimity7 Pupils-Awf Teacher-What Is 1t If big boy want. ed an apple very badly, and were to meet a small boy with one in a place where nobody could take the small boys part Class (with eager H. lumination)-Dat's cinch !-Balu- more American.