davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-10-25
Came Near 1t.
ID =

Wit and humor are such elemental.
fundamental things that 1t has al
ways been found difficult to analyze
them. Upon some points, however,
those who have essayed this puzzling
task agree, for they all hold that wit
is an intellectual. humor IN emotional.
quality; that wit is perception of re-
semblance and humor perception or
contrast, of discrepancy, Of incongru
ity. The incongruity is that which
arises between the ideal and the fact.
between theory and practice, between
promise and performance, and perhaps
it might be added that it is always or
almost always a moral incongruity. In
the case both of wit and humor there
is also a pleasurable surprise, gentle
shock which accompanies our percep-
ton of the hitherto unsupported re-
semblance or incongrulty, A New
England farmer was once describing
In the presence of very humane per-
son the great age and debility of a
horse that he formerly owned and
used You ought to have killed him. >
interrupted the humane person indig
nantly. WELL" drawled the farmer,
Eve did-almost."-A
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-10-25
New York's Eirenen.

Much as they admire the men of
their fire fighting force, comparatively
few New Workers are familiar with the
insignia of the fire department. The
frumpets and axes are the insignia of
an officer. The trumpets show that the
wearer is a member of an engine CON-
pany and the axes that he belongs to a
hook and ladder company. One silver
trumpet or ak designates lieutenant;
two trumpets or axes are the mark of
a captain; two gilt trumpets crossed
are worn by the chiefs of battalions;
thee gilt trumpets crossed indicate the
rank of deputy chief and four trumpets
crossed are worn by the chief. The
regular firemen of the ranks wear the
familiar Maltese cross.-New York
Tribune.
Mother-What is the matter, Clara
You look distressed.
Clara "a bride)-George has-has had
to go off on "a trip, and he won't be
back for-for two days. Boohoo!
Same Mother (some years later)-
How long will your husband be away?
Same Clara-I forgot to ask.
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-10-25

~ shah not pay you the money"
was the firm reply.
"Ah, see You will depend upon
your poems Very we'll Let us make
one single experiment. You there! l
want YOU in the office a moment"
1t was summer time, and the win
dows were open. He had called to
half a dozen men outside who were
moving a piece of machinery. They
came into the Office and stood with
their hats in their hands while he
looked them over with grim smile
and queried:
did any Of you ever see Ramirez?
Holy mother, but you are the man"
shouted one as he turned and fed, fol
lowed by his companions, spreading
the news as theyiled.
you see,' said the BLACK Death"
as he turned to the manager, your
ransom is now $4,000"
"I'll never pay cent Of it, neveN
ought to have you arrested as you
stand"
Just as you will. You refuse to
pay Take the results"
With that lie turned on his heel and
walked out OF the Office and fingered
for q couple of minutes that the men
might see him and be duly impressed.
That evening there were only fifteen
men out of 800 left at the mine. The
rest had run away with the fear of
death upon them The fifteen labored
all night with pick and spade. 1t was
only at noon the next day that their
labors were completed. Then the only
approach to the mine had been trench
ed and mined and electric wires car
ried into the Office building. Ramirez
had threatened there would be results.
The manager was ready to face them.
That day went by without alarm. So
did the two following. Ramirez had
twenty-five miles to go and return.
He had to call in his raiding parties
and fit them out.
At II o'clock on the morning of the
fourth day he appeared at the head Of
his hundred men. They lost no time in
forming up. Ten minutes after the
band uttered a blood curdling yell and
dashed forward at the building. Rami-
rez had been told that the poems had
deserted, but he knew nothing of dy
Mantle and. electricity. The manager
sat with his finger on the button, and
when an engineer told him that the
second had arrived he gave push.
The building rocked and the mountain
trembled, and for the next quarter Of
an hour a great cloud Of dust hung
over the spot. Then the men went out.
They found the earth torn and rent
and assured, and they found hundreds
of fragments of human bodies, but
they found no living bandit. Ramirez
and his band had been wiped off the
face of the earth by electricity and
dynamite. NJ. QUAD.
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-10-25
The Sheik and His House,


When the French came into contact
with the Bedouin in Algeria, it was
thought that ready way Of civilizing
him would be to assist him to build
himself permanent habitation. A
sheik who was thus favored was full
of gratitude to the French engineers
who had built him house.
"Since my house was finished" he
said, II have not lost single sheep.
l lock them up in my house every
night, and next morning find them
all in safety"
Then where do you sleep yourself"
asked an officer in amazement.
ooh, for myself, a sheik can live
only in his tent" said the other, with
dignity.
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-10-25
A Strenuous Statesman.

In his ECLIPSE and O'Kelly'' Theo-
dore Andrea Cook tells a story of the
English statesman and sport Fox. He
had wagered something about waist
coat which could only be obtained in
Paris; went off to Dover by night,
caught the mail packet posted to Par
is and back to Calais, and remembered
he had a horse racing at Newmarket.
He chartered a fishing boat bound for
the eastern counties, just got to New
market in time for the race, took the
post back to London and stopped on
the way to dine. In the middle of the
port and dice after dinner he was
caught by special messenger who had
been tearing over half of England in
search of him and reminded that he
had to move to bring in marriage bill
in the house of commons. He rushed
to the stables, reached the house in
time to make brilliant speech in re-
ply to North ara Burke and defeated
North on division by b single-x vote.
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-10-25
When MARRIAGE Is the Topic.

The welded state is favorite sub
,ject with the epigram makers. From
Il very old ballad we take this:
There was q criminal in a cart
A -goin' to be hanged;
Respite to him was granted,
And cart and crowd did stand
To know If he would marry a wife
Or rather choose to die.
'T'other's the worst-drive on the cartl"
"a.e criminal did reply.
More modern is this verse:
1 would advise a man to pause
Before he takes wife
In fact, see no earthly cause
He should not pause for life.
Who, by the way, is the author who
describes a second marriage as being
"the triumph of hope over experience"
Samuel Lovers matrimonial epigram
is very Apostle:
Though matches are all made in heaven,
they say,
Yet Hymen, who mischief oft matches,
Sometimes deals with the house tother
side of the way,
And there they make Lucifer matches.
Chambers Journal.
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-10-25
Electricity
And Dynamite.
[copyright. 1gc7. by D. c. PareeIls.l


copyright, 1907, by E. C. Parcells.l
They called him the "Black Death"
and they had good cause to. If there
was ever fiend in human form it was
Ramirez, the Spaniard. He had come
ashore OH the coast of Chile with the
wreck Of II Spanish vessel, and within
a fortnight he had committed robbery
and murder and had been obliged to
flee to the mountains. There he got a
little band together and killed and
robbed as Il trade. After the officers
Of the law had failed to kill or capture
the man he was pursued by the SOL
tliers and finally driven into Peru.
When the war broke out there were
hundreds Of Adventures who would
have gladly joined Ramirez, but after
increasing his band to hundred he
would take no more.
Up among the mountains, just over
the Peruvian line the American Min
Ing and Smelling company had been
developing the Humboldt silver mine.
1t was rich mine and had paid a
goodly sum for its concession. Rami-
req had come within five miles of 1t on
two or three occasions before the war,
but had then hesitated and turned
back. 1t was guarded by over hun
dred government troops, and the poems
who did the mining had been armed
by the company. The war called the
troops away 1t was then that the
poems were drilled and told that they
must defend themselves. They entered
into the spirit of the thing for the next
two weeks, but then an event hap
pened that caused all but about twen-
ty Of them to desert. Ramirez paid q
visit to the mine in person. He ap-
peared one afternoon unaccompanied.
He was dressed in white duck suit,
carried a cane and wore new SOM
brero, and the manager ut first took
him for some prosperous resident of
the valley. The BLACK Death" entered
the office as any gentleman would,
and, taking the proffered chair, he
quietly said:
81 am Ramirez. You may possibly
have heard of me-"
mot Ramirez, the-the bandit! eX-
claimed the manager.
1.-THE same, if you wish to apply the
term. have called on little matter
of business. l have not hitherto dis
turbed you because you are Ameri-
cans and are taking no part in this
war, but I am now in want of money.
have assessed you at $4,000 in
gold"
But, my dear SIR began the as
tonished manager
"There are no butts with Ramirez,
sir. 1 want $4,000 in gold, packed on
mule, without unnecessary delay"
The managers first feeling of awe
and fear fled away as he looked at
the man before him. Clean shaved
and we'll dressed the dread Spaniard
did not look ferocious or formidable.
His eyes and mouth betrayed inherent
cruelty, but here he was all alone,
and the manager had 300 men at his
back. The fellow seemed to know
what was passing in the others mind,
for presently he laughed in a sheer
ing way and said:
Go ahead and try it if you wish"
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-10-25

IL was the worst Thing FOR nv object
he could have done. Then I broced
myself for desperate move and fired
bullet within few inches of his ear.
Try again. lie laughed. Aim for
the center OF my forehead
i put another ball so near the other
ear that I was frightened for fear I
had hit him.
That's better he said, still unruf-
lied. The next shot will do the Job
Then we both heard the tread of
Dorses' hoofs up the road. We stood
sui, listening, and soon knew that
horsemen were coming our way. NV
enemy for the first time looked seri
Gus.
IL they're Confederates you've got
me- he said, for once without a smile.
MY heart was beating wildly. Sup
pose they were Confederates. They
would secure my getting the dispatch,
but they would capture the messenger.
Ii they were Confederate citizens or
guerrillas perhaps they would shoot
him. Notwithstanding the Importance
Of the information to be secured I
felt that / could not turn him over,
with the frightful risk that course in
Volved. 1t was only one life among
the many to be sacrificed in the strug-
gle, but l couldn't sacrifice It, even
for southern independence. But re-
solved that if the coming horsemen
proved to be Confederate soldiers |
would call to them. If they We're Fed
erals my stunt, as you call it, was a
failure.
"My enemy and 1 We're so far hid
den by trees that we were not likely
to be noticed, but we could see the
road through openings. We stood
waiting silently for the result. Near
er came the horsemen, and we could
hear clanking Of sabers that told us
they were cavalry. Only one alterna-
tive remained. They were either Fed
eral or Confederate Then suddenly
the stars and bars emerged into view.
| had won.
81 turned to my enemy. He smiled
at me. Not bit of reproach, simply
a smile. I turned to the Confederates
and tried to call. l couldn't. Don't
ask me whether my voice failed me or
.ny heart failed me or anything else
failed me. l simply couldn't.
"In few seconds the, troop had
passed.
ut was my surrender. My enemy
came up to me fearlessly, confidently
q was still holding a cooked revolver),
put his arms about me, and my head
fell on his breast Then he lifted my
face and gave me a long kiss on the
lips"
The old lady paused. She had fin
ished.
"Was the young officer grandpa"
asked one Of the girls.
How did you guess that, you little
MINK" f. A. mitchell.
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-10-25
The Power
OF a Smile.
[Original.1

lOrlglnal.
"Grandma," said a boy of six,
whats that stunt you did in the
warp
"Hy stunt, as you call it, was a dis
NAL failure, though success was with
in my grasp. l was southern girl on
nv fathers plantation in Tennessee.
One morning a Federal general and
his staff rode up to our house and ask
ed for breakfast. l was so bitter
against them that l would have given
them nothing, but mother had better
sense. She gave them all they asked.
They didn't leave us for a week.
Where the generals troops were we
didn't know, and since he wouldn't
permit any of us to leave the planta-
ton we naturally inferred that he
wished to keep the Federal move
ments secret. One young fellow, an
aid-de-camp, seeing me scowling all
the while at him and his fellows, kept
constantly joking me, trying % make
me laugh. He had the sweetest smile
in the world, and, although the more
he persisted, the more 1 scowled, still
from the first was madly in love with
him. / had never seen much of city
people, and his refinement, his manly
beauty and his military dress readily
overcame my country girls heart.
1.-THE general established an Office in
the next room to mine, with nothing
between but board partition. One
day / heard him debating a dispatch
which / knew to be of great impor-
lance. 1t occurred to me to take the
information to our southern command
er of the district, but l couldn't re-
member enough Of it to make the jour
ney worth the while. That afternoon
/ saw the aid coming out of the gen
erals Office, putting an envelope in
his pocket, call for his horse and ride
away. l mounted my Madge and
rode after him.
In time caught up with him and
called to him. He turned and, seeing
me, gave me one of those smiles that
had won my heart. But was deter
hOlhluS WIFI
my purpose, which was to get his dis
patch from him and deliver it to our
general. He asked me what l wished,
and said had something to tell him.
He rode up beside me. had formed
no plan and didn't know what to say
or do. Seeing water trickling across
the road, 1 told him l was thirsty. We
left the road for n little distance to go
to a spring., where we both dismount-
ed He plucked large leaf and, fold
ing it into q cup, stopped to get me
some water. Quick as flash 1 snatch
ed his revolver from its holster at his
hip. He turned to see me standing
with it pointed at him.
He thought 1t bit of pleasantly and
laughed at me; but, assuming all the
steadiness Of which 1 was capable, I
demanded his dispatch. He only
laughed the more. If he had made
move for resistance or talked harshly
to me l might have had the heart to
kill him, for I realized the Importance
to my people Of securing the paper.
But he stood there looking at me with
that amused tmperturbable smile, and
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-10-25
Majestic Webster.

Theodore Parker gave the following
graphic description OF Daniel Webster
in the famous three hour sermon
preached soon after Websters death:
He was man of large mold, a
great body and great brain. He
seemed made to last hundred years.
Since Socrates there has seldom been
head so massively large save the
stormy features of Michael Angelo.
Since Charlemagne I think there has
not been such IL grand figure in all
'Christendom. y large man, decorous
in dress, dignified in department he
walked as if he felt himself king.
The coal beavers and porters of London
looked on him as one of the great
forces of the globe. They recognized
native king. In the senate of the
United States he looked an emperor In
that council. Even the majestic Cal
houn seemed common compared with
him. Clay looked vulgar and Van
Buren, but fox. What a mouth he
had! 1t was lions mouth, yet there
was a sweet grandeur in the smile and
q woman's softness when he would.
What a brow 1t was! What eyes-like
charcoal fires in the bottom of a deep,
dark well! His face was rugged with
volcanic fires-great passions and great
thoughts, "The front of Jove himself;
an eye like Mars, to threaten and COM
mand."
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-10-25
Battle of the Sea of Japan.

In the battle of the Sea of Japan the
Russians had thirty-fve battleships,
cruisers and torpedo boats. Of these
twenty-one were sunk, five captured
and nine escaped. The Russian loss
in men was 1000 in killed and wound
ed and 1000 prisoners. The Japanese
lost three torpedo boats and had one
battleship badly damaged. Their loss
in killed and wounded was 654.
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-10-25

Dress Goods and Silks.
You will find no better line of Dress Goods III any CIT
than we can show YOU have all the newest fabrics and
prices far below what you would expect to get such qualities
Beautiful 50 inch Broad Cloth in all leading coors ST.
Sold everywhere at 1925 to $3.50. Others much fin
Elegant quality all wool Panamas Serges, Volles Iaeta
Batistes Lustrous Secian, Mohairs, Etc. IN all the
leading shades at &c
Fine Suiting in plads and plain at AZ
Others at ..... 25c, 82!c &c. &C., 75c, SOC and IA
See Our SiIks-They Right
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-10-25

Mrs. Greene-They say that when
the men go on fishing trips they take
Il lot Of liquor along with them. Mrs.
Gray-l don't think that is so. I'm
sure it is not so when my husband goes
a-fishing. | have overhauled his lug
gage when he got home on purpose to
see, and have never been able to
find a drop of liquor in any of the
bottles in his bag.-BostoT Transcript.
The Palatka news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1905-1908, 1907-10-25

She-What prompted Miss Gold to
take that old bachelor? He (sarcas-
tically)-Kleptomania, l should think
Literary Digest.
The Roswell daily record. [volume] (Roswell, N.M.) 1903-current, 1907-01-10

c. H. Furch, of Sherman, Texas
left last night for Pecos after a short
visit in Roswell.
Miss Vine returned on the auto yes
terday to the home of her father
near Needmore.
Mrs. Frank Mcdaniel returned to
Carlsbad last night after spending the
day with friends.
Howard Booth, the railroad special
agent, left last night on a business
trip to Fort Worth.
Earl Lewis, who lives up the Pecos
river, left yesterday morning on a few
days trip to Elkins.
C. c. Harbert came up from Mo1u-
ment this morning to spend the day
looking after business.
California navel ranges at 80 cts.
a dozen. Get them while they last at
Kipli1g's Candy Store. 66t2
Mrs. M. J. Hartman returned this
morning from a weeks visit with her
daughter at Lake Arthur.
s.. 1. Roberts, clerk of the district
a few days business visit.
c. A. Hartman came up from his
claim near Lake Arthur this morning
to spend a few days IL Roswell.
Mrs. R. s. Cravens came up from
Hagerman this morning to spend the
day shopping and visiting friends.
Geo. Freidenbloom and L. r. Alex
ander returned yesterday rom a few
days visit at the Diamond A. Ranch.
A. L. w. Nilsson is confined to mis-
with a severe attack of stomach trou-
bles.
Do you love the plain old songs?
Better attend b "Old Tune" CON
cert at the Christian church Friday
night. 66t2
Mrs. r. F. Barnett was operated on
Tuesday, and is getting along nice
ly. She hopes to be up in a week or
ten days.
r. L. Cli1kscale went tt Hagerman
last night to look after the work OF
drilling a well. He will be one a
week or ten days:
Mr.. and Mrs. C. B. Musser, of Wa
terloo, Ia. VINO have been here three
weeks visiting friends. left last night
for Stanton. Texas.
C. Cauteson left yesterday morning
for his home in Clifton Tex, having
spent two months acre with ais
father, C. a Canteson-
The Roswell daily record. [volume] (Roswell, N.M.) 1903-current, 1907-01-10

Framed tent to rent, floored. Good
location, close in.-Makin's 64tf
Nola Oliver returned this morning
from a business trip south.
J.. P. Rhodes went down the road
last night on land business.
Phone the Spring River Sanitarium
when you want a trained nurse. 59tf
r. T. Allison returned from his farm
near Lake Arthur this morning.
Sell us your old stoves and heat
ers when you install gas.-Makin's
]. A. Fox went to Lake Arthur last
night to look after his drilling rig.
s14.5O Wilson heater, $500; $3.50
Coles Hot Blast, 6.5O.-Makin's. If.
w. d. Babb left this morning for
Colorado. on a three weeks
visit.
H. p. Hobson returned this morn
ing from a visit at his ranch near S.
w. Z. Stull, manager of the Lake
TOWNSHIP, was here today on
business.
E.. C. Cook returned to Lakewood
night he was here as a witness in
land case.
The Roswell daily record. [volume] (Roswell, N.M.) 1903-current, 1907-01-10

PROCLAMATION.

1, J.. w. Stockard, Mayor of the
City of Roswell, do hereby call a spe-
cial election in and for the Third
(3rd) ward of the city of Roswell, for
the purpose of electing one % AL
derman for said ward to fill out the
unexpired term of Charles L. Stone,
resigned, to be neld at the Office of
the City Clerk on Third street in
said ward, on the 18th day of Jan
uary, 1907.
The polls shall open at 9 o'clock a.
n. and close at 6 O'Clock p. m. of
said day.
The registration books used in
said ward at the last regular city
election, held April 9Th, 1906, will
be used, by the judges at said cleo
ton, and all persons registered there
in, now residing in said ward, will
be qualified to vote at said election.
The said election shall be conduc-
ted by three judges, assisted by one
clerk, and the following persons are
hereby appointed as judges and
clerks Of said election:
Judges: J. R. Ray, Mack Minter
and H. P. HobSon.
Clerks Lucius Dills and c. A.
The Roswell daily record. [volume] (Roswell, N.M.) 1903-current, 1907-01-10
LOCAL NEWS.

Nine year old Rippy.-Orienta1-
Old Indian River Rye;-OrfentaL.
Old Indian River Rye.-Oriental.
Old Indian River Rye.-Oriental.
Boellner, the Jeweler, has fl
cheaper. 37tf
Cedar Brook, formerly w. H. Nc
Brayer.-Oriental. 59tf
Ed Glass was here from Lake Ar
thur Wednesday.
Holden buys a1d sells R. r. tick
cts, 222 Main st. 60tf
Save money on r. R. tickets. See
Holden, 222 Main. 6Otf
b D. Garner returned this morn
ing from Hagerman.
Mrs. Della Jordan went to Artesia
last night ON business.
C. H. Potter returned to his home
at Campbell Wednesday.
C. A Baker went to Texico yester-
day morning on business.
The Roswell daily record. [volume] (Roswell, N.M.) 1903-current, 1907-01-10

Moore.
The election shall be conducted,
the votes counted, and certified in
all respects, as now provided by law,
for biennial city elections, and the
qualifications of voters at said cleo
ton shall be the same as now pro-
vided by law for elections of alder
mel in cities in the Territory of New
Mexico.
In witness whereof, l have here
unto set my hand and caused the
seal of the City of Roswell to be
hereto affixed and to be attested by
its clerk, this 9th day of January,
1907. J.. w. STOCKARD,
Mayor of the City of Roswell.
Attest:
FRED J. BECK,
(SEAL) City Clerk.
The Roswell daily record. [volume] (Roswell, N.M.) 1903-current, 1907-01-10

The Philharmonic Orchestra will
give tneir first concert at the Chris.
tiaa church Friday evening. Some
of the best vocalists in town will sing
the old songs which all love SO well.
Admission Csc. 66t2