The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1907-01-03
meteorological Paradox
fonglnal.l

four women nor two men and two wo-
men, but three men and a woman.
Each Of the three men was funnier
than the other two. and the woman
was funnier than the three men to
gether. You should have seen her.
One eye was turned up at an angle OF
twenty-five degrees, the other down at
an angle OF thirty. Shecould look serious
and sympathetic out Of the one eye
and Historically diabolIcai out OF the
other. She had ravenlsh croak and a
sweet melody in her voice, so that no
one could tell whether she meant to be
pleasant or dlsagreeable. Sometimes
she would say pleasant things to you
looking at you with her sympathetic
eye and sometimes say diabollcal things
looking at you with her sympathetic
eye. So nobody ever knew what she
was driving at
The first of the three men was Mr..
Bantam. husband of the above describ-
ed lady. Everybody said the name
was very appropriate. for Mr.. Bantam's
face wore the perpetual grin Of a BAN
tam rooster. Next came Mr.. Guyer, a
theoretical mathematical prodigy. Like
Sir Isaac Newton, who made a large
and small hole in his door for his
big and little cat to come through,
Guyer didn't stoop to consider petty
contriyances. He once had an alarm
clock which failed to wake him up In
the morning. Somebody finally called
his attention to the fact that II hadn't
any bell. The third man was Mr.. Mer-
ryweather. a "real noble, good man."
as one Of his women friends express
ed 1t Indeed, he was 50 good and mo-
bic that he couldn't conceive OF any
one being wicked. And thereby hangs
this tale.
One Sunday morning Merryweather
and Guyer went to see Mr.. and Mrs.
Bantam, who were at church. The two
men sat on the veranda waiting till
the services should be over and the
couple, recharged, like an electric auto
mobile, with goodness, should return.
The weather was betwixt and be-
tween. and when Merryweather said
It was warm Guyer, who was a great
disputant, declared 1t was cold. Pres
emily Mr.. and Mrs. Bantam returned
Mrs. Bantam welcoming Guyer with
her sympathetic eye and Merryweath.
er with her diabolic eye, then passing
into the house The dispute about the
weather was referred to Bantam, who
concluded to refer it to the tharmome.
ter, which he brought from the house.
He showed 1t to Merryweather, who
was surprised to see a record of 90 de
grees. He was much pleased to be vim.
dicated, but hadn't expected so trium.
plant a vindication.
Then Mrs. Bantam came out and, re.
garding her husband and Guyer with
her sympathetic eye and the good Mr..
Merryweather with her tiabolic eve,
made some modest remarks on the
weather herself. In which she main.
tanned that 1t was growing colder.
After having established her point, at
least with Bantam and Guyer-Mrs.
Bantam always established her point;
people were afraid that IL they dis.
agreed with her she would bring her
diabolic eye on them-she went back
into the house with the thermometer.
Presently Bantam went inside to get
the thermometer again, and when he
brought 1t out 1t had fallen 20 degrees.
Merryweather couldn't understand how
so decided n change should have oc-
CURED in so short a time without his
feeling It Guyer suggested that there
was something the matter with him.
Merryweather was frightened. He
thought he had better go home.
Mrs Bantam came out again, bring
ing the thermometer with her and sug-
costing that something must be the
matter With It It had gone up again.
This treasured Merryweather. who was
OF too sweet a disposition to speak his
Thoughts. which were that Mrs. Ban
tam had probably read the scale ffrst
with her lower. then with her upper
eye. But as there were IS degrees be-
tween the two eyes this didn't explain
the smaller difference, However, he
decided TO wait awhile before cgnclud-
ing 1hnt he had chills and fever. The
consequences might have been ayerted
had not Bantam handed round a slim
ulmt. A few minutes after Merry.
weather had drained his glass Mrs
Bantam came out with the fhermome-
ter again standing at 50 degrees. Then
AIerryweather was sure he had the
fever Of pneumonia. A sympathetic
cTve appeared on the left hand corner
OF Mrs. Bantam's mouth as she re.
marked that It came on that way.
Merryweather was helped into the
house and placed on a lounge. Coca.
sicnally he would resume a normal
bodily temperature. but whenever he
did so one OF his three friends would
show him thermometer autfpodal to
his condition. II the mercury stood
low when he was hot be thought he
was In fever. II II stood high when he
was cool he assumed that he had
chin In this way his loving friends
kept working on bis imagination and
through his imagination on his body
TIL be got up and went home TO die.
Once out Of the way Of the mz1ign. In.
fuenee that had tormented him. be was
surprised at a sudden recovery.
Now. the explanation OF this me
THEOLOGICAL paradox is this: Bantam
before bringing the thermometer out
on to the veranda to settle the DISPUTE
between Merryweather and Guyer had
held the bulb In his Asst WHOM no