The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1907-07-28
THE GENTLE CRATER
BIT o.
A Midsummer Masquerade.

Copyright. 1907. bv $. $. Mcc1ur. 90. IN UNued states
and Oreaf Britain
Satan" said Jeif Peters. "is a hard bose
70 work for. When other people are hav-
ing their vacation Is when he keeps you the
busiest. As old DR.. Watts or st. Paul or
some other diagnostician say He al
ways finds somebody for idle hands to
do
Il remember orc summer when me and
my partner. Andy Tucker. tried TO take a
layof from Our professional and business
duties; but il seems that Our work ollowed
us wherever we went.
Now. with a preacher it's different. He
can throw of his responsibilities and enjoy
himself. At the end OF May he wraps mos
quito netting and tin foil around the pulpit.
grabs his niblick. breviary and fishing pole
and hikes for Lake Como or Atlantic City
according 20 the size of the loudness with
which he has been called by his congrega-
ton. And. sir. for three months he don't
have To think about business except 10 hunt
around in Deuteronomv and Proverbs and
Timothy 10 And texts to cover and excul-
pate such little midsummer penanoes as
dropping n couple loocy door on rouge or
teaching a Presbyterian widow TO swim.
Blu: ] was going to tell you about mine
and Andy's summer vacation that wasn't
one.
was tired uf france and all the
branches Of Imsanctifed ingenuity. Even
Andy. whose brain rarely ever stopped
working, hogan to make noises like n Tennis
Cabire'
"'Heigh no. says Andy. I'm tired. I've
got that s;cnm NJ The yacht Corsair ard no
for the Rivera feeling. want TO loaf and
tpdict my soul. as Walt Whittier says.
want ~ play pir ochle with Merry del Val
or give n kloUting to the tenants OF my
Tarrytuwn estates or do a monologue at a
ChautauGua picnic in kits or something
Rummcry and outside tho line Of routine
ssndba gginR.'
"'Patience,' says I. You'll have TO climb
higher IN the profession before you can
taste the laurels that crown the footprints
q. she great captains ~ industry. Now.
what iii like. Andy says |, would be a
summer sojourn in a mountain village far
from scenes of larceny, bloodshed and
overcapitalization. I'm tired. too. and "a
month or 80 Of sinlessness ought to leave
us in good shape to begin again TO take
away the white mans burdens in the fan
ANDY fell in with the rest cure idea at
once, so We HITuCh IDP ReneTdl DdSetnReF
agents of all the railroads for summer
nc sort literature. and took a week to study
out where We should go. I reckon the
first passenger agent in tine world was that
man Genesis But there wasn't much COM
petition in his day. and when he said: The
Lord made ,he earth in six days. and all
very good he hadn't any idea to What
extent the press agents OF the summer
lo.1t. ur~nll rIa 1,a rim, frpn, him
when we finished the booklets we per-
ceived, easy. that the Urited States from
Passadumkeag. Maine. to FL Paso. and
from Skagwsy to hey West was "a paradise
Of glorious mountain peaks. crystal lakes,
new laid eggs. golf, girls, garages. cooling
breezes. straw rides. open plumbing and
tennis: and all within two hours ride.
$50 me and Andy dumps the books MI
the.back window and packs our trunk and
takes the q O'Clock tortoise Flyer for Crow
Knob. a kind OF a dernier resort in the
mountains on the line of Tennessee and
North Carolina.
sWe was directed TO a kin of private
hotel called Woodchuck Inn. and thither
me and Andy bent and almost broke our
footsteps over the rocks and stumps.
The. Inn set back from the road in a big
grove Of trees. and il looked fine with its
broad porches and a lot of women in white
dresses rocking in the shade. The rest Of
Crow Knob was a post Office and some
scenery set mt a angle Of forty five degrees
and a welkin.
We'll, s.T, when VIC got to the gate who
do you y comes down the walk TO
greet US? Old Smoke-'em-out Smithers,
who used 10 be the best open air painless
dentist and electric liver pad faker in the
Southwest.
"Old Smoke-'em-out is dressed clerico
rural, and has the mingled air of a landlord
and.a cain jumper. Which aspect he cor
roborates by telling us that he is the host and
perpetrator of Woodchuck Inn. | intro
duoes Andy, and we talk about a few volatile
topics, such as will go around at meetings
of boards 6f directors and old associates
like VA three were. Old Smoke-'em-out
leads us into a kind Of summer house in the
yard near Ia ga. and took up the harp
of life and smote on all the chords with his
mighty right.
Gents, says he, I'm glad to see you.
Maybe you can help me out of a scrape.
I'm getting a bit old for street work, so
leased the dogdays emporium so the good
things ewoutd come tn me. W weeks
before the season opened | gets a letter
aligned Lieut., Peary and one from the Duke
of Marlborough, each wanting to engage
board for rart Of tho summer
swell. sir. yOu gents know what a big
thing for an obscure hustlery Z would be
To have for guests two gentlemen whose
names are famous from long association
with icebergs and the Coburgs. So | prints
q lot Of handbills announcing that Wood
chuck Inn would shelter these distinguished
boarders during the summer, except in
places where IL leaked, and I sends EN- out
as far as Knoxville and Charlotte and
Fish Gam and Bowling Green.
And now look up there on the porch,
gents says Smoke-'em-out. at them dis
consulate NJ ecimens OF their fair sex
waiting tor the arrival Of tie Duke end the
Lieutenant The house is PACKED from
rafters 20 cellar with hero worshippers.
There's four normal school teachers
and two abnormal there's three high school
graduates between % and ~; there's two
literary old maids and one that can write;
k--.t ,.n,la 81 an,,otxt yApnan md