The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-01-04
FOOD ALIASES
UNDER BAN
EolBLEs AND pRINKAslEs RE.
outRE LABELS FROM NOW
oN-ALL MUST OBEY
LAWS.

NEW YORK, Jan. IA schweitzer
cheese by any other name may TASTE
as good-mit mustard-but woes unto
to man who gives 1t the other name
when the purchase essays to par
chase, says the New York Globe.
Likewise, all through the several
strata of delicatessendom, and into
the realms Of all thingss eatabie and
drinkable. everything must be called
by its right name. The pure food law
is responsible. for II went into fun
force and effect Just as little 1907
trotted into the arena of the years.
In the. Tenderloin "a Thanksgiving ser
vice was held among the ~soubrettes
aud chorus girls and there was much
gratitude expressed that the real name
provision was confined to food AMI
drink.
What a change Will be wrought In
the next few days in he stores and
tl:irst-alleviating hospices! Scotch
that used TO read on its label, rare
old stuff from the days Of Wallace aud
Bruce" will now be set before the
bibulous with a legend sometime, like
this:
Denatured alcohol, l pint.
Smoked wood n charcoal, / blneh.
Stewed prunes, 4 pound.
Peach juice, i gill.
Water. quantity sufficient.
All this viii be topped of with n
Fame something like this:
Very rare old stuff. Scotch that
might have been used by the Scottish
chiefs on a dull day or just before the
administering OF extreme unctioa. Al
most whisky-that's about ALL"
Then there will be near brands Of
all the other sorts OF Scotch and q
burr in a Theoretically sealed pack
age will be served with every drink.
All through the list OF other fire wat
ers a spade will be called a spade and
beer will be beer only when tbs rightly
brewed and certified.
Then in both food and drink the
dates will be necessary. The vintage
OF December. 1906, cannot be set DOWN
as guaranteed twenty years old
Neither can shoulder OF swine be
vended as ham-save at the butchers
risk. Breakfast foods with sawdust
as a base will have to be SO describ-
ed. A sample. label for these may
read:
"The Famous Ugsle Google Health
Food. made at Combat River, H., con.
tains the following ingredients. Tx
c%eIsior, five parts; curied hair. one
part: flour, one-eighth part; selected
mud Every choice), two parts: g
{ a wee Bit; steel filings, quantity
sufficient"
The loud noise heard all over town
to-day was the combined wait of the
frankfurter e It wasn't that they
didn't want to comply with the law,
not a bit of it: they just learned to
obey, but they we're up against it good
and hard. The president OF the Anal.
gamated and United Order of Frank.
furter Vendors, with tears coursing
down his furrowed cheeks, said, sob.
bingly:
by golly, vot We do? Vot We do?
Der law says der label must say yot
Is In nit der sassage. Now, how In
der name nv der kaiser can an human
being tell vot is in a frankfurter? BY
Se!3y, We are rulnt!"
The drug men are affected likewise,
and with each glass Of pineapple or
raspberry soda will be handed out a
card telling just how much c~ochincal
there is in one, and just how much
chemical combination there is in the
other. Why anybody wants to know
this has not been explained, but tue
laws the law for a that.