davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11
GLOBE SIGHTS.

LFrom the Atchison GIobel
About all some people get out of
vacation is freckles.
Ever notice how a man whose wife
is away visiting, Is watched?
False teeth are the only ones that
can be extracted without pain.
At a summer resort, every summer
is the hottest one they ever had.
Every good farmer has three or four
jobs laid UP for a rainy day.
The family skeleton usually comes
out of the closet to referee the family
quarrels.
How many times some men can
make fools of themselves without find
ing it out.
What are you mad about most fire.
quently? In our case, 1T is because
The amateur gardener is usually an
adept at explaining why his garden
isn't better.
It is particularly easy to deceive a
woman when it comes to saying nice
things about her.
People talk about different temper
aments." when to- really mean diff
ferent tempers.
One reason fewer girls than boys
know how to swim is that girls rely
on someone teaching them.
The world seems to accept the doc
trine that a man should give his friend
a little the best of 1t.
Occasionally there is a good man who
is also so stupid that he will not know
heaven when he sees 1t.
What has become of the oId-fashioned
man who referred to the harness on his
horses as gearsT
Some men are so mean they like to
take their wives advice so they can
tell them later how worthless it was.
If man is sufficiently in love. he
imagines he thinks poetry, even though
he doesn't attempt to write Ii.
1t is a remarkable crowd of children
which can play games for 20 minutes
without quarreling over who is IT.
you are no peach" we heard a
Young man say to a girl at Forest
park, lately; there are no peaches
this year.
said to a reporter today: 1--WE farmers
are very busy in the harvest field
now"
when widow says she viii never
marry again. she usually follows the
statement with proviso beginning
with unless"
There is at least the consolation to
ment to be called a peach this year
than it was last
What has become of the old-fashion-
ed man who described his anger by
saving he was mad enough to bite
ten-penny nail in two?"
The man who butts into a family
row has a large bump of good judg-
player who starts a fight with the UNI
pire.
The United States buys about go per
cent of the total diamond output OF
South Africa. but there are still good
many girls who haven't been supplied
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.

TFrom the Philadelphia Record.l
mouthed.
Satan ever finds some scandal for
idle tongues to wag about
Many a stock gambler isn't long for
this earth who is also short on futures.
Despite the fact that she can't
throw a stone a woman should have
an aim in life.
A fellow often comes within an ace
OF winning a lot of money, especially
in a poker game.
Money may not make the man, but
in the case OF the counterfeiter man
makes the money.
On the other hand, it seems as
though the chess player would rather
pay rent than move.
The Despondent One-''Would any
thing ever tempt you to commit sui
eide? The Cheerful One-"Neveri
would die first
Life" remarked the Manayunk
Philosopher, sis a good bit like a
baseball game. It isn't every fellow
who makes a hit that can bring the
run over the plate"
Little Elsie-''Mamma, is it true
that the good die young?'' Elsfe's
Mamma-"So we are told, my child. .
Little Elsie-"Aren't you glad that
I've escaped being good?"
Muggins-"That boy of mine has no
memory at all. Everything 1 tell him
goes in one ear and out the other"
Buggins-"Yes. I've frequently Won
dared at his abnormally large ears"
Real Estate Agent-"Yes, III sell
Subbubs-"How much?'' Real Estate
Agent-''Well. say $5,OOO.'' Subbubs
"A mere song. Ell? Say. do you
take me for Caruso ?"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11
HUMOR or THE DRY

Mrs. Knicker-Man is inconsistent
| Mrs. Bocker-Yes, he will sit in the
Pl ,T5er at ball game but cant find
| Sun.
"Bragley claims to have built the first
! passenger elevators ever used in this
.Nonsensel The Mississippi steamboats,
| were running and blowing up regularly
long before he was born. "-Philadelphia
Press.
The beautiful blonde was presiding over
a booth at the church fair; A strange
take chance, STRIP she asked sweetly.
raa 40 thank YOU he replied. I've al
go News.
She is very wealthy?'
Money left to herr"
mo; she Is the author of a book en-
titled Hints to. Beautiful women
Il presume all the beautiful women in
mo. but ali TT the hA fomeiy women did,
Houston Post.
why. man. what's the. matter?"
lunches"
"Well?"
And now I've got laundering palms,
New York Press.
have in asking for assistance. You ought
to have your voice cultivated.
boss. I'm t'inkin' NV havin' me voice irri-
gated.-Chicago News.
church bell?''
mo. Let's hear It,"
Sorry. but it can be toIled only on
Sunday Plain Dealer.
Chawles-Aw. what's the most necessary
requisite in sailing a boat, yeh known
Old Salt-Knowing the gentle art of
swimming. Chicago Daily News.
Ordinary Citizen-How's the gold mine
old man?
Promoter-Nicely. We are working the
lower levels.
Ordinary Cftizen-Possible?
PromOter-Yes, we've got the capitalists
all squeezed dry, and now we're going af-
ter the laboring classes.-Puck.
Principal Medical Officer-NOw, my man,
I want you to put your finger on one of
the arteries in your neck. (No answer)
Well there are some arteries in your
neck, suppose. aren't there?
Canny Volunteer (who has heard the
last man badly Observation-Disclosures
some think there is.-Punch.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS.
HOME NEWS WHILE AWAY.

Subscribers of the State journal
away during the summer may have
the paper mailed regularly each day
- any address at the rate OF ten cents
n week or thirty cents Il month icy
mail only. Address changed as often
as desired. White out OF town the
state journal will be 70 you Ike
daily letter from home
Advance payment IS requested on
these short time subscriptions. TO save
bookkeeping expense.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
IFrom the Chicago News. ]

IFrOm the Chicago News.
Fortunate is the milkmaid who has
no kick coming
Unless you strive for your rights
you are apt to get left.
This world remembers the man
who dies game-for a day.
A man never gets dyspepsia from
eating the things he disikes.
There are many high-salaried
teachers in the school of. experience
Marriage is responsible for the de-
struction of many happy decisions.
A woman who gossips is bad
enough, but a man who listens to gos-
sip is worse.
When a girl can't sing and refuses
to try she deserves more than a pleas
ant look.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11
FRON OTHER PENS
CAPITAL AND CONFIDENCE.

New York city's offering of bonds
came just at a moment to be signifi-
cant. 1t was the turn of the middle
year, a financial season second only
to the New Year itself. And this mid
year it happens that the security mar
ket is on an exceptional dead center.
Always between planting and harvest
there is a pause. But this years was
unusual. Never were dividends SO
large, and they reflected earnings
which justified them. The banking
situation is thought to be sound, even
though it is certainly close. Mer-
chants have been disappointed in their
spring trade for reasons solely of the
weather, and there have been signs of
seasonable revival as the thermometer
rose. Yet only a paltry proportion of
New York city 4 per cent bonds is
wanted. This is as surprising as it is
disappointing. Unless explained. 1T
extends to the investment situation a
disturbance which had been thought
confined to the speculative situation
New York Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
[From the New York Press

LFrom the New York Press.1
Men wouldn't care so much to
smoke If they could save money do
ing it.
Heaps of genius is wasted because
common sense is so much more useful.
When a man understands women
there are some big surprises ahead of
him.
A girl will never believe a fellow
loves her unless her father tries to
convince her he doesn't
EVERY woman thinks If she hadn't
married so happily she would have
gone on the stage and been a great
actress.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11

Still, perhaps you could hardly
blame Colonel Joe Richards for OBJ
jecting to allowing the railway track
men to point out all the defects in his
road. Very likely the colonel is figur-
ing on a vacation some time in the
next six or eight months, and such a
procedure would keep him busy for a
Cnd rvbiIe
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11

One of the reasons why Mr.. Rookie
Teller should have been excused from
testifying, according to his attorney,
was that he is getting old. And he
might have added that age does not
signify knowledge in Mr.. Rockefeller's
case-at least it is not evident from his
feafirnonV
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11

The opponents of the Square Dealers
insist that Mr.. Stubs and his friends
are putting up their good money to
maintain the Square Deal organization,
simply because they want the offices.
Sure. They are 50 anxious for square
deal that they want to do the dealing
themselves. There ought to be no DIFF
ference of opinion on that score.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11

Admiral Yamamota is to make this
country visit also. We trust Admiral
Yamamota will make a note of the
resources of this country and report
the same when he gets home. It is a
notable fact that the Japanese who are
so anxious to fight America are those
who have never been over here.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11
THE DEMOCRATIC NEED.

The Democratic party needs a man
able and willing to seize the tariff re-
form issue with strong hand, drag
1t from the garnet where it has ac-
cumulated dust for IL years, force 1t
to a place in the front, and brush it
up; a leader who is not ashamed of
it himself and who will teach the
people not to be ashamed of it
Charleston News and Courier.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11

Mr.. Rockefeller" remarks the Jewell
Republican, has crawled under the
bed again. The government wants him
to testify but he cannot be found. This
being a millionaire is a nice thing"
But the government finally got him by
the leg and pulled him into court; and
having done that, Judge Lands is IL
able TO pull his leg again.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11

The liquor interests are claiming
that there is more liquor sold in
Wichita since the saloons were closed
than ever before. and they are making
an awful fuss about it. 1t is notice.
able, however. that no hundred thou
sand dollar stocks of liquor are kept
IN Wichita since the Mahans took
theirs out between two days.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11

After he had been rescued from
drowning in the Monongahela river
Pittsburg man gave his rescuer nVe
cents. It's a wonder he did not ask
some change in return.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11
An EASY GuESS

1.-The party will be stronger and can
act more intelligently' Mr.. Foraker
says, "if we can always wait for it's
duly chosen representatives to speak"
The party has one duly chosen repre-
sentative; nobody has to wait to hear
him speak.-New York Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11

This nation is only in its infancy af-
ter all. There is a woman in Oregon
who was two years old when the first
president was inaugurated. In other
words, a single human life has SPAWNED
the history thus far of this great Re
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11

Attorney General Bonaparte will try
busting the trusts by the injunction ana
receivership methods. Mr.. Bonaparte
must have been watching Attorney
General Jackson do a few things to the
breweries in Kansas.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11

Mr. Fairbanks has rescued young
woman from drowning, but he is not a
candidate for a Carnegie medal there
for. No, a little matter of 500 votes
in the Republican national convention
next year will amply reward him.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11

Another argument against the two
cent fare is contained in this para
graph from the Omaha Bee: rail
road travel out of Omaha Is SO con-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11

Mr.. Bradley, of San Francisco. de-
clares he was blown up by gas and not
by powder, as Harry Orchard asserts.
And as Mr.. Bradley was present ana
participated in the event, he may know
something about it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11
OFF THE KEY.

Mayor Schmitz, as a musician, de
MES that he squealed. He only trieC
to get in tune with the band.-Minne
apolis Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11

1t is not very surprising to learI
that the Standard Oil company Is op'
posed to Taft's candidacy for the
presidency.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11
DIVERSIONs or R0YALrY

Emperor William is planning state
visit to his uncle. King Edward. He
can do this owing to the fact that thu
people who weresgoing to make Eng
land and Germany fight have given it
up and are now trying to pull off a
war between the United States and
Japan.-Chicago Record-Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11

A new political novel is entitled
ssThe Great Silence" 1t probably
refers to what the people are making
over the Knox presidential boom.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11
WHY THEY WANT IT.

I To some Of the third-term shouters
another term for Roosevelt is not so
| important as another term for them
selves-Chicago Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11

We trust Mars was duly instructed
20 look pleasant, please" when ne nao
his picture taken.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11

Another way to make the steel trust
make good rails would be TO take
down some of the tariff bars so as 10
create a little competition in the steer
rail business.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11
WHAT HE WILL DO.

What will Mr.. Roosevelt do when he
retires to private life, asks an ex-
change. Oh, re-enter public life, prob
ably.-Milwaukee Sentinel
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11
MEAN IRONY

Isn't this a good time for President
Eliot to deliver another address to the
Harvard students on the superiority or
rowing as a college sport New York
World
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11
KANSAS COMMENT
FOR BOYS.

Z >.
IhlS is tale for boys. Once upon a
time there was a boy who was poor and
hVed In the slums OF a big city where
all the boys like him were taught to
steal Tor a living. The boy of course
got caught and fortunately was taken
before a fair, sympathetic judge. For
the first time the boy actually realized
that what he was doing was wrong. He
resolved never to again do by thought,
word or deed anything that was dishon-
est, and above all to be like the judge,
as fair as he could with others who were
wrong. The boy stuck to his resolution
through thick and thin, with the result
that the people believed and respected
him. Once when he was grown a story
was told on the man, unfair and untrue
in every respect. But the story did not
even get to the second person. People
would not even listen to it much less
believe it, The mans earnest endeavor
to be honest had paid. People laughed
at the idea of his being dishonest and
the story died a-borning. Boys, be hon.
est, not for your parents sake, not be-
cause you are afraid of punishment, but
for your own sake. You cannot succeed
and be dishonest Everyone hates liar.
There is nothing more gratifying than
to have your friends know a thing is SO,
simply because you say so.-Sabetha
Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11
ENDORSING Mr.. WHITE.

And now Representative John T.
White has gotten his name attached to
one of "these ERE" congressional
booms. Mr.. White has emitted one or
two little shrieks, but he has run just
about all he is going to TO get out of
the way of the blamed thing. Freeze
onto 1t, Mr.. White. If a Republican
must still look after our garden seed
distribution, we want it to be one
from Ottawa county.-Minneapo polls
Better Way.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11
A NEW JOKE.

MissouriS railroad board, some
railroad officials, and some officials of
the trackmen's union, are riding
around in a palace car inspecting the
ties of Missouri railroads. We have
never understood why some of the en-
terprising comic weeklies don't cut out
a few mother-in-law jokes and run a
department devoted to the interesting
way in which an inspector inspects
without seeing nything.-Atchison
Globe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11

A Mankato girl cooks famous steaks.
There is something to that kind of rep
utation. You can keep house a whole
lot longer with it than with a record for
painting sky blue dogs on sofa pillows
and the dainty girl who can fix up a
fine steak would hardly be suspected of
even knowing how to fry humming
bird in honey.-Mankato Monitor.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11
TOUGH, ON BOSTON.

1t was enough to humiliate any city
but to think it was the mayor of Bos
ton who learned a speech in Italian *
speak to the Duke of Abruzzi and ther
made the mistake of firing it at G
French admiral instead. No wonder
Boston is Observation-Disclosures News
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11

L
The small boys mother has finally
lived to see her earnest admonitions
needed by her SON Not once this sum-
mer has he loaded up his stomach
with green apples. A mothers love and
the entire absence of apples accom-
plished this great reform.-Jewell City
Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11

The Topeka Journal reports tina
one druggist in the capital city made
only "a sales of liquor during June
and six others made less than 100. Or
the other hand one man made nearly
$500 sales. This disparity may no.
be so great as it appears. Possibly the
first seven did a wholesale or jobbine
usiness.-Leavenwort Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-07-11

Did I tell you the story of the old
church bell?
mo. Let's hear it,"
Sorry. but 1t can be tolled only on
Sunday. Plain Dealer.
The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1907-01-16
FOR IDLE MOMENTS.

A very pretty holder for lingerie
ribbons is made by cutting out Of
cardboard four circles, three inches
i'll diameter, and covering them
smoothly on one side, with lowered
silk or white linen. Overland two
and two together, then place one Or
two bolts Of baby ribbon between
these covers and with a coarse silk
thread fasten them securely together.
Make rosette of baby ribbon and
sew on to cover the stitches on one
side; then place tiny bow of the
same ribbon on the other side. Put
a pretty bodkin through the rosette
and the gift is completed
Pretty hair receivers are made Of
linen, any color. A piece nine inches
square is bound with white tape or
ribbon. Lap this over cornucopla
style and hold in position by buttons
and loops. A double bow at the top
forms the hanger.
For the baby an attractive rattle
is made upon a small embroidery
hoop It is wound closely with any
delicate covered ribbon; an inch wide
is a good width, and crossed with
bands Of the same, to which bright
vari-colored metal bells are seWed.
A rice pincushion is just the thing
for hatpins. A half yard Of ribbon
four inches wide is folded and the
edges overhanded together Stitch
the ribbon up the center to within
two inches from the top, then divide
each half and stitch again and there
will be four compartments. Fill these
with rice and stick across the open
ings to secure the rice Gather the
top and fringe the ends, then tie with
narrow ribbon-Ex
The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1907-01-16
Try These Recipes.

MINCE PIE.-Take one-fourth
teaspoon Royal baking powder; one
and one-half cups flour Gold MedaD
a pinch of salt, one-third cup of cot
tolene Sift flour, salt and baking
powder together, work in the cotto-
lene and add just enough water to
make a smooth paste Roll out; then
cover the bottom Of an INCREASED pie
tin with the paste. Chill, and then
bake in a hot over for II minutes.
Fill with mince meat, cover with
strips of pastry and return to the hot
oven for IS minutes.
PIQUANT WAFERS.- Spread un-
sweetened crackers with the follow
ing mixture and toast the crackers
Just before it it is time to serve: One
half grated cheese, a pinch of mus
tard, pinch Of salt, pinch of red pep
per, I egg and I cup of milk. Melt
the cheese. Beat the egg and the milk
together and add to the melted cheese
after the mustard, salt and pepper.
Toast I minute.
PUNCH.-Take the juice of 6 lem
ons the juice of 3 oranges, I pint
grape juice, one and one-half cups
granulated sugar dissolved in a cup
Of boiling water), 3 pints cold water,
one pint apollinaris. Mix in the or
der given and serve over cracked ice
ESCALLOPED ONION.-Take :
cold boiled potatoes; one-half pint
milk; tablespoon butter; little salt
and pepper Slice the onions and
place in baking dish. Mix milk salt
The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1907-01-16
NURSERY TREES.

Right now is the proper time to set
fruit trees and ornamental plants
the sooner the better.
We have hrst-class trees of Budded
Pecans, Peaches, Pears, Plums, Orang-
es and other fruits; also Roses, Privet
Hedge plants, Arborvitae, Shade
Trees, and other ornamentals and
Strawberry plants. Write for catalog.
TURKEY CREEK NURSERIES
Box I, Macclenny, Florida.
=. r. Barber Aubrey Frink
Note my change of address, and
send us your orders-they will have
my personal attention.
Aubrey Erin.
The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1907-01-16

ical feeding to make silage the entire
ration. With good clover hay and
plenty of silage COW will produce as
much in the winter as in summer in
the same length of time
I am feeding some steers as we'll
as my blooded stock, and find that to
every bushel of corn a half bushel of
silage makes them grow faster, and
keeps their skins looser and hair
softer than when fed on corn alone.
With a little bran added I find they
are growing faster than I have ever
before had them do on corn alone. I
feed silage to my sheep, hogs, and
horses, and know it is good for them.
1t takes the place Of roots. Cows and
steers will leave hay and mill feeds
to eat the silage