The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-21
ARIZONA KICKLETs.
What the New Year Is to Bring the
Kicker.


1t is generally known that We have
had to lay away in our private grave
yard during the last seven years nc
less than eighteen of our fellow men
All were buried at our expense. Each
and every one might be living today
had he pot attempted to get the nrs'
shot at Us.
One of our New Years resolves was
to the effect that we would run rather
than shoot during 1907. We don't
want to put down the nineteenth chalk
mark on the wall of our sanctum. We
are tired OF coroners' inquests and
funerals. A sadness comes over us as
we gaze at the eighteen headstones in
row.
We can be called a liar. villain.
Nero. dictator. boss and any other
name that comes handy, and yet we
shall hold our hand. 1t Will be only
when the limit of provocation has been
reached ana when we are thoroughly
convinced that we must pull trigger to
save our life that we shall turn loose
with our gun. Then the funeral cere-
monies of the other party will natural
ly follow.
Heretofore when any one has enter
ed the corridor of the poStofhce and
begun shooting at the clock we have
felt it our duty as postmaster to shoot
The shooter. During the present year
we shall go easy On such shooters In
stead of sending them into the other
world unannounced we shall seek to
retain them in this and point out ways
leading to reform.
Now and then in the past when our
esteemed contemporary has come out
with a double-Ieaded editorial an
nouncing the fact that he has shot at
US. we have replied that we were to-
tally unaware of the fact; that we did
not hear the sing of his bullets; that
we would stand up any day and let
him plug away to his hearts content.
He is an old man, and such things
on our part have hurt his feelings. We
are resolved not to repeat them Life
is but a span, and why not let other
folks labor under pleasant decisions
If they will?
For the last five years. as mayor of
the town, we have felt it our duty to
fire bullets through the shoulders of
such cowboys as were firing lead into
the front doors of the town nall. we
have given the matter serious consid-
Grafton and have come to the conclu-
sion to let the cowboys shoot. We are
here today and gone tomorrow, and If
filling doors with lead will add to any
critters happiness in this sad world
let him fill and be hanged to him.
Encouraged by the example of many
daily papers and not wishing to be left
out of it. we have been lying about the
circulation of the Kicker. We have
made up our mind to stop it. There
has been a fond look about the figures
when we claimed 8, 000,00 circulation,
but our conscience has pricked us We
half of it,. Indeed, we doubt if we have
got a million. Other editors may and
will continue to lie like blazes on this
point, but we are going to dry up.
In Septerber last we stated that it
took eighty presses running day and
night to work off our circulation and
that we sent more copies to Persia
alone than any 1atly- in America had
circulation. 1t was an awful lie. 1t
had scarcely gone out to thee pubAlcff
when we became conscience-stricken 4
We now own up to it and beg the par
don of the public. Just what our cir
rag s we can't say without looking over
the books, but we don't believe is
amounts to 100000 copies weekly.
Last sum m r we felt J; ;.u:& owing
to the Gulch public to drive fve quack
doctors out of the town. We opened
on them with hot shot and hustled
them along. but after they had taken
themselves to other pastures we began
thing instead of the right We now
invite them to return ana pick I'D such
a living as they can. and we promise
to interfere with them no more.
For years past When the rnrntal
strain of the day was over and the
shades IF night had fallen, we have
been in the habit of seeking rccrea- |
ton ny taking a hand at poker. 1t was
from no avaricious spirit. 1t from
no spirit of defiance toward the moral |
law. While we made the best Of our
flushes and full houses and fours we
left the other fellers enough cash TO !
get out of town on. We know that /
some of our subscribers object to our !
poker games, and if thirty IF them will |
write out their objections on postal |
cards we Will agree TO quit for ono |
year. It will come hard on us. as we
are hand on roller skates o. with |
the billiard cue, but we dent desire to |
go down in history as having corrupt |
ed the morals of North America.
We own the meanest looking dog |
In the United States. He is mean in |
looks and mean in nature. He is wolf, !
coyote and dog all mixed up, and there |
are days that he hates himself so that |
he bowls and weeps. But he is a |
fighter-Lordy. what fighter We |
and he has won every one of them. |
We have never looked upon it as be- |
meath the dignity of our calling to own |
a fighting dog. but during the last two
students at Vassar. Harvard and Yale |
contending that man looking to be a
presidential candidate could not af-
ford to do these things. Our fighting
application. Guarantee given that he
can lick any four-footed animal in
America except q grizzly.
For five years we have owned a run
ming mule. He is all bumped UP. ring
boned, spawned and full of holes and
dents. and to stand and look at him
one would expect to see him fall over
dead. But that mule can run-heav-
ems how he can rum We have rid
der him in ninety races and never
met defeat. Our thoughts haze been
entirely innocent up to a month ago.
Then we received a letter from a wo-
man in Boston telling us that our ex-
ample had sent her nephew to the bad
and that heaven would surely punish
US. We don't want heaven to do that. |
We don't want to be shut out after
spending the best years of our life in
making the best weekly in the land. !
We should like to hear from other Bos-
ton women on this question. If we