davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1907-04-30
Correspondents school OF -

Gussie-Do you think she'll marry
you?
Jack-Tm afraid not proposed nv
mail. you know, and although she
wrote two letters in reply there was M
encouragement in them.
"Indeed.'
YES; the letters were No.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1907-04-30
Pass New Cigarette Bill.

The Do1naa chowsky bill prohibiting
the use of tobacco by boys under 10 years
of age in public places, amended by the
Senate by providing exception when the
boy is accompanied by parent guar
dian, finally passed and goes to the Gov
ernor for his signature
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1907-04-30
sweet Time.

Pop"
''Yes. my boy"
Are bees industrious?"
Eyes, very industrious. my SON.
'sThey make honey, don't theyT
eyes"
81 suppose they have a sweet tine
making it, don't they Yonkers
Statesman.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1907-04-30
Investigation safer than Fighting.

A joint resolution has been introduced
in the Legislature for committee TO in
vestigate the case of John Dietz OF Cam
eron Dam and prevent bloodshed which
might follow the sending Of militia to
capture him.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1907-04-30

A boy may be late to his meals, but
sonny as bad as middle aged man
hates to be called uncle"
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1907-04-30

woman is apt to make some very
striking remarks when she has occa-
sion to hit her husband for little pin
money.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1907-04-30
Reducing Automobile speed Limit.

A bill reducing the maximum speed
limit for automobiles in Wisconsin and
increasing the penalties for violation was
favorably reported in the lower house and
the motorists Of the State are preparing
TO make vigorous fight against it.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1907-04-30

What's read in the Bohn won't al
ways come out in the recitation.-YaIs
Record
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1907-04-30

Thre is mighty little fighting In the
world compared with the Big Talk
about It.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1907-04-30

Jacques Lebaudy, the seif-syled EN-
peror of Sahara, is said to be quietly
making a tour of the United States
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1907-04-30

brooches to fasten old-fashioned turn
down lace collars, is another favorIte
and. like the rose crystal, is made into
beads, hatpins, pendants, buttons and
chains.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1907-04-30

Model for Wives and Allowances.
The story is told of noted St Louis
business man, one who had earned a
fortune during his business career, be
ing brought face to face with business
failure, the necessity for selling bis
handsome residence and beginning at
the bottom again Immediately confront
ing him, going home with a sad heart
to tell the wife of his youth of the mis-
fortune that hod come to them. 'Never
mind" said she, 81 have enough to
start you out again to my own credit in
the bank" Going for her bank book
she displayed to her astonished hus-
band a credit of $4,000, the sum she
had saved from her liberal allowance
during the years Of their prosperity.
With this sum the husband met all the
demands upon him and continued In
business.-St. Joseph Gazette.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1907-04-30
A Rhyme of the Cities.

Said little Johnnie to the Owl:
I've heard you're wondrous wise,
Ind so I'd like to question you;
Now, please, don't tell me lies.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1907-04-30
"She'S Wlllnd aNAr ma lnnLnr

Green protested himself unable
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1907-04-30
BOASTS OF OLDEST PULPIT.

Ito be continued.)
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-12-13
One Of b
Essentials

of the happy homes Of to-day is a vast
fund of information as to the best methods
OF promoting health and happiness and
right living and knowledge Of the worlds
best products.
Products of actual excellence and
reasonable claims truthfully presented
and which have attained to worldwide
acceptance through the approval of the
Well-Informed of the World; not of indi-
viduals only, but of the many who have
the happy faculty of selecting and obtain
ing the best the world affords.
One of the products of that class, of
known component parts, an Ethical
remedy, approved by physicians and com
mended by the Well Informed of the
World as a valuable and wholesome family
laxative is the well-known Syrup of Figs
and Elixir of SIENNA. To get its beneficial
effects always buy the genuine, manu-
featured by the California Fig Syrup Co.,
only, and for sale by all leading druggists.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-12-13
croauet Golf.

Eben NJ. Byers, Pittsburg's famous
golfer, was talking at a dinner about
dawdling players.
Nothing is more veXatious,' Mr..
Byers said, than to follow one OF these
dawdlers over a course. They all
should be served as a bow-legged chap
was the other day.
He was playing at Englewood. His
play was as slow as il vas poor. Set
ting his warped legs wide apart, he
would miss the easiest ball three or
four times handwriting. He was re-
tarding half a dozen good, brisk play
ers, but this he didn't seem to mind
at all.
Finally one man having drawn very
near, lost patience, and with a neat
shot sent his ball flying directly be-
tween the slow players bow legs.
THE slow player jumped back in q
great fright. Then he yelled angrily:
Say, do you call that golf?'
Mo a the other; but l call il
pretty good croquet.'"
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-12-13
Atchison Gloha Sinhts.

Silence oftener means offense than
consent.
Il is always a particular shock when
a nice man complains Of something
we ha We done.
W. can't decide which Is wrose.
Ihc t2ste Of a cranberry o. the looks
Cf hn a."ittte in 4 w0man's hiir
Mothers who are not good dtscip!ln-
arians always say of a mother who is
that she would make Il good slave
driver.
This proposition is being brought
about since chickens cost more: The
chickens are growing larger and fam
lies are growing smaller.
What has become of the old fash
Toned child that could be taken down
town and have a good time without
something being bought for it?
Along abou the first OF the mont
every man is required to pay "a bill he
had forgotten, and that's tho reaso
people are disagreeable until the 9Th
or 9Th.
1t is stated that so much had been
learned by the flight of Null Secun-
dus" to London that it's use will be
abandoned and that a new ship with
considerable alterations, based on the
experiences of the flight, viii be pui
in hand.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-12-13
a London BISHOPS Humor.

The bishop of London's humor, now
tender and kind, now sardonic and
cruel, made him many friends in
America.
The bishop amused me-" said a
clergyman, lat a dinner Of divines in
New York. We divines are a modest
lot, but occasionally our self-esteem
gets the better Of us, and then we
brag and boast and make ourselves
ridiculous.
"A Boston divine at this dinner got
to telling us about a begging sermon
he had recently preached.
81 don't wish to brag or boast he
began, nor would ! have YOU think
me conceited; but. gentlemen, l assure
YOU
And then at great length he told
US how women had wept at his beg
ging sermons pathOs, strong men had
emitted hoarse sObs, n in an ava
lanChe the contributions had poured
in-gold and greenbacks, checks, even
jewels and watches and great heaps
But here the bishop of London
leaned forward with q twinkle in his
eye:
by the way, brother he said,
could you lend me that SermOn?'"
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-12-13

On his homeward trip by trolley a
tired business man was much annoy
ed by the conduct Of three middle-aged
aides who stood near him. They were
evidently just returning from a sum
mer tour. All the seats in the a We're
occupied, but they seemed determined
that he should offer n of them his
seat.
He screened himself behind his paper
and listened to plainly audible remarks
about the decline of gallantry in the
present age. This grated on his nerves
so he arose. and with a profound bow
addressed the three.
will the oldest OF you ladies honor
me by accepting my placer"
Whereupon they became interested
I'm the advertisements over the win
dows and the man triumphantly re-
sumed his seat.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-12-13
Atchison Globe Sights.

It's a sure sign of age to feel tired
after a picnic.
Nc idle person recognizes the rights
of busy people.
People rather enjoy ii when a pretty
girl begins TO fade.
You have a right to do lots of things
you shouldn't do.
A man hates his enemies longer than
he loves his friends.
Shake the Inc or some men and you
shake a secret out Of them.
1t is always n source of wonder TO a
man that Al woman a have SO much
faith in him.
There are entirely too many men In
this world who prefer TO be NEAR rath-
er thar ordinary.
There are as many lawyers clamoriug
for the wrong as there are lawyers
clamoring for the right.
A circus in town costs the indulgent
father of a large family almost as
much as a spell of sickness.
A girl isn't hopelessly sentimental
unless she signs and refers to every
good time she has as IAN oasis
What has become Of the old fash
Toned woman who referred to a bull
as IAN animal"
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-12-13
The Pickle Look.

Prince Wilhelm, Of Sweden. told a
New York reporter that Americans all
worked hard and looked happy.
In my country" the prince went on,
I'VE work hard, too. but we have not
your happy look. Perhaps it is the eli
mate. At any rate, we tell a story in
Sweden hat is typical, a story that
will give you some idea of our national
expression, though not, I'm sure, of our
national character.
"A Frenchman visited a Swede i'm
Stockholm, and one morning the two
friends set out for "A walk. Suddenly
the Frenchman exclaimed impatientIy:
You look as our as "a pickle. Why
don't you smile? Why don't you have
a pleasant, g~ood-natured air when yoG
are out os doors2'
What growled the Swede. And
have everybody stopping me for "A
match, or asking me how 70 get some
where?'"
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-12-13
BOTH GAINED.
Man and Wife Fatten ON Gr.pe->

Man and Wife Fatten on Grape-Nuts.
The notion that meat is necessary for
real strength and the foundation or
solid flesh is now no longer as preva.
lent as formerly.
Excessive meat eaters are usually
sluggish a part of the time because they
are not able to fully digest their food,
and the u~ndigested portion is changed
into what is practically n Kind OF poi
son that acts upon the blood and nerves,
thus getting al! through the system.
Il WAS a heavy meat eater writes
an Ills. man. land up to two years
asc. was in very poor health. ! sur.
fered with indigestion so that / only
weighed 9J pounds.
Then | heard about Grape Nuts and
decided 10 try IL. My wife laughed at
me at first. but when ! gained TO 125
pounds and felt so fine, she thought she
would eat Grape-Nuts too.
Nov she is fat and well and has
gained 40 pounds. We never nave indi-
gesfion any more and seldom feel the
desire for meat. A neighbor OF ours.
W years old, was troubled with indi-
gestion for years; was a heavy meat
eater, and now since he has been eating
Grape-Nuts regularly. he Gays he Is
well and never has indigestion. / could
name a lot OF persons who have really
been cured CT indigestion by changing
from n heavy meat diet IN Ira no Nnta .
There's a Reason" Name given by
Postum Co., Battle Greek, Mich.
Read the little book. The Road to
MELVILLE" 10 pkgs.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-12-13
A Lawyers Luck.
From

'FVHE ISFPVFktVNN9s
A North Carolina lawyer says that
when Judge Buxton of that state made
his first appearance at the bar as a
young lawyer, he was given charge,
by the states solicitor, OF the prose-
cution of a man charged with some
misdeameanor.
1t soon appeared that there was no
evidence against the man, but Buxton
did his best, and was astonished when
the jury brought in a verdict of
guilty
After the trial one of the jurors
tapped the young attorney on the
shoulder. Buxton said he, I'VE
didn't think the Teller was guilty, but
at the same time we didn't like TO
discourage a young lawyer by acquit-
ting him"
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-12-13
Inns ON DREAMS.

To dream Of sitting down on the business
end of a pin is a bad omen; II signifies
that you are on mischief bent.
If you dream that you are an actor 1t
signifies tina you're a ~"soupe."
To dream of silver the chances are l6
to l that you will play a losing hand.
should you dream of playing a golden
harp II signifies that you are about as
close to heaven as you'll ever get.
To dream you guard a secret we'll
You'll wed a fin de steele belle.
If you dream of seeing a huge turtle it
foretells financial difficulty and signifies
that you will soon have TO crawl into your
shell.
IL a young girl dreams that the young
man she has expected TO propose 10 her
has popped the question, 1t signifies she
will realize that 1t is the unexpected that
happens.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-12-13
A Too Hasty interruption.

From the New YORK Times.
A prominent citizen of a certain New
Jersey town is a Sunday school uperin-
tendent, a druggist and an editor. A
New Yorker called upon him recently
for the purpose of purchasing his drug
store, and found him in the bar room
of the hotel:
Now" said the aforesaid prominent
citizen, "as superintendent of the Sun
day school l never take a drink"
At this point the New Yorker in
formed him that he himself Though
wishing himself beyond the Suez) did
not drink.
And" he continued, las druggist
never indulge. but as editor l occasion
ally take a drink"
The New Yorker in relating the Incl
len declared that il taught him not TO
interrupt people in the middle of their
speeches.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-12-13
ECZEMA COVERED BABY.
Case Doctors Ever Saw-Suf-
fered Untold Nisery-Perfect Cure
by Cuticura Remedies

"My son, who is now twenty-five
years of age, when four months old
began to have eczema on his face,
spreading quite rapidly until he was
nearly covered. The eczema was some
thing terrible, and the doctors said it
was the worst case they ever saw. At
times his whole body and face were
covered, all but his feet. | used many
kinds of patent medicines, to no avail.
A friend teased me to try Cuticura.
At last | decided to try Cuticura when
my boy was three years and four
months old, having had eczema all that
time and suffering untold misery. I
began to use all three of the Cuticura
Remedies. He was better in two
months; in six months he was well.
Mrs. X. l.. Risley, Piermont, n. H.,
Oct. "a. 1905"
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-12-13
He Got the Job,

The countess of Warwick, during her
recent American tour. criticized Ameri-
can finance at a dinner at New York.
II think" said the beautiful social
list, that many of your financiers
would rather be tremendously rich thar
tremendously honest. To my mind IL
is a bad thing to put wealth before
honor, before kindness, before upright
ness. Surely-it was to one OF your
very worst and richest %fnanciers that
a little boy applied, with success, for
a position the other day.
As the boy stood timidly. cap / n
hand. before the financier's desk. the
latter leaned back in his chair, took his
cigar from his mouth, and said.
so you want TO be my office boy,
do you?
Yes, sir said the lad, in a tremu-
lous voice.
The f~inancier blew a cloud of smoke.
What qualifications have you he
asked, for this post?'
why, sir the boy faltered, L can
lie and steal a little.'"
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-12-13
Deafness Cannot be Cured

by local applications. as they cannot reach
the diseased portion of the ear. There IL
only one way TO cure deafness, and that Is
by constitutional remedies. Deafness Is
caused by an inhamed condition Of the mu-
cous lining of the Eustachian Tube When
this tube is inhamed you have a rumblina
sound or imperfect hearing, and when II Is
entirely closed, Deafness Is the result. and
unless the Inflammation can be taken out
and this tube restored TO It's normal condi-
ton, hearing will be destroyed forever;
nine cases out OF ten are caused by Ca
tarrh, which Is nothing but an inflamed con-
dttlon OF the mucous surfaces.
We will give One Hundred Dollars for
any case Of Deafness Caused by catarrh}
that cannot be cured by Halls Catarrh
Cure, Send for circulars, free.
r. J. CHENEY & CO., Toledo, o.
Sold by Druggists, zoe.
Take Halls Family Pills for constipation.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-12-13
On the job.

Amusing epltaphs are common
enough, but it is not often that a
tombstone inscription is meant to carry
a business advertisement. A West Vir-
ginia mar tells of "A singular one which
may be seen in a cemetery of Wheel
ing. 1t was the Idea OF a widow of a
man named Perkins, a partner in a
commercial house known as Perkins
and Parker" soon after the decease
OF her spouse, Mrs. Perkins married
Mr.. Parker, her late husbands bust
ness associate.
The inscription reads:
Sacred to the memory of James
Perkins, for thirty years senior part
ner of the firm OF Perkins & Parker,
now Parker & Co.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-12-13
Atchison Globe Siuhts.

A really good friend is so rare; TO lose
one is a tragedy.
Every man who borrows trouble, pays
usuricus interest.
Don't be surprised If you catch an agent
in a lie. Every agent is q liar, of course.
Every man has been guilty of a little
mischief, and thought Of a great deal
more.
The success Of a scheme depends large
iy upon the cleverness of the agents en-
ployed.
Society has become disagreeable lately.
the women talk so much about the scare
ity of hired girls.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-12-13
Conscientious Workman.

Strongarm Tim is employed in car
rying bricks on to a barge. His
strength is so great that his boss keeps
increasing his loads until finally the
gang plank breaks and lands Tim and
his bricks in the water. Tim rapidly
sinks, blu presently comes to the sur
face and shouts out: Throw me a
there, you spalpeens, youse."
While his companions are searching
frantically for "A rope Tim comes to
the surface "A second time and bellows
out Here, there. you'se loafers. if We
don't throw me a rope I'll be after
drCppin' some OF these here bricks"
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-12-13
Old School Farmers.

Tt is astonishing what faith the Did
scnool farmer used to put in his alma"
nae" sale a farmer OF the new school,
a graduate of an agricultural college.
MY father was an old school farm
er, and in June he would consult his al
manac to see If we were going to have
a clear Christmas. what though the
almanac usually went back on him?
Sometimes It's predictions were true,
and one accurate prophecy counter
balanced in my fathers mind fifty
misCues.
"Once | crossed the ocean with the
old man We sat at the captains table,
and the first night out my father, lay
ing duwn his spoon. said anxiously:
Captain, hev We got an almanac
on board?'
mo the captain answered.
Tho old man frowned and shook his
head.
"'Then, by gosh he said, wen Jest
hev to take the weather as she
comes"
Emperor Joseph, of Austria twice a
week holds an audience, when ne is
accessible to the richest and poorest
of his subjects
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-12-13

San Francisco vas the scene Of a
peace conference. The question of dis
armament was not shiTked as at The
Hague.
Mr., Chairman said one of the
more radical speakers, Il am in favor
Of the dispaving-stOnement and de-
brickment OF every hoodlum on the
Pacific coast
Japan, hearing of this, was ap-
DpaSed.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-12-13

three years | suffer
ed everything with
rheumatism in my
limbs and n dull,
ceaseless aching in
my back. WAS
weak, languid, bro
ken with headaches
and dizzy spells and
the kidney secre-
tons were C k
with solids. | was
really in Il critical
condition when | be-
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-12-13
Inventor of Prosperitv.

A number Of men on the street were
having Il discussion as to who was the
greatest inventor. Some said Edison,
some Watt, some Morse, some one and
some another. Finally a pawnbroker
got In a word and said:
Vel, chentlemen. dse vas gread
peoples, but l tells you dot man vot in
vented interest vas no SLOUGH"
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-12-13
Expert Evidence.

4 country schooImaster was exam
lining his class. IF a carpenter wants
to cover a roof 20 feet by 40 with
boards 8 feet broad and 10 long, now
many will he WANT" A new boy TOOK
up his hat and made for the door.
Where are yOu off to?" said the
master.
ITO find a carpenter" replied the
boy. He ought to know better than us
fellers."
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-12-13

gan with Doan's Kidney Pills and they
certainly did wonders for me. Though
/ am 81 years old, | am as well as the
average oma Of 80. l work well,
eat we'll and sleep we'll"
Sold by all dealers. so cents a box.
FOSter-Milburn Co. Buffalo. y. Y.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-12-13
Between the Acts.

The curtain fell on the second act,
and he began 10 make conversation.
The L~usitania," he said, ''can steam
her 2e knots an hour"
Taking another chocolate from the
box that rested in her lap, she said
with a bright smile:
Il suppose they steam the knots so
that the poor sailors can unite them
more easily-is that It, George? 2"
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-12-13
Catarrh of Head, Nose, Throat.
Beuinnino Early.

A mother in Camden entered the
room and found her two children quar-
rcling about a doll. She said:
You must stop that quarreling or
I'll TAX the doll away"
w amt really quarreling. ma"
said one of the little girls. were play
ing Jennie's suing me for divorce and
we're trying to decide who'll have the
custody of the child"
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-12-13
POINTED Parauranhs.

Everybody's business is the gossip's
business.
It's easy TO be a philosopher if you
have a good INCOME.
This world is filed with lovers of
the self-love brand.
Printers may be fond Of cake. but
they don't care for pi.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-12-13
Needed.

A little southern girl was sent to a
boarding school in New York. When
taken for a walk she seemed to be
much interested in watching the au-
tomobiles. After a while she pointed
to the extra tires on the passing ma
chimes and timidly inquired:
Why do they carry life p~reservers ?''
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-12-13

Autogenous welding is successfully
applied by Robert Hopfeldt, a German
electrician, to the soldering of alumni
mum wires, d direct union of alumni
mum with aluminium being readily OBJ
tanned.
Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1907-12-13

A man must not expect to live in
clover simply because he marries a
grass widow.
Some men are like postage stamps;
they lose their value when they get
stuck on themselves.
It's the easiest thing in the world
to become a cynic. All you a TO
do is to put the lid on your senti-
ment and keep 1t there.