davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
[From the Chicago News.1

IFrom the Chicago News.1
Many a real complexion travels I'M
der false colors.
The favorite part of many an ac-
tress is a divorce.
Worst swindler of all is the man
who cheats himself
One way to avoid the fire Is to keep
out of the frying pan.
Every village has its oldest inhabi-
tant but he is never a woman.
Unfortunately for the surveyor, he
Is not monarch of all he surveys.
Tomorrow is the stone lover which
many a business man has stumbled.
A man can afford to scon at failure
after having first achieved success
Too much of his energy is wasted
by the average man in making unsat-
isfactory excuses.
Money doesn't make the man, but
little thing like that doesn't worry
the man who makes the money
A little learning is dangerous
thing-especially when it Is some
thing a mans wife has learned about
him
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07
sNYRAWKER .JOTS

The L-avenworth Times points out
that there are some occupations in
Kansas almost as profitable as raising
wheat. There is being receiver of
brewery. for instance.
newspaper man in a town near
Holton, says the Recorder, threatened
to divulge the fact that a certain
young man was seen with his sweet
hearts head on his shoulder If he did
MT come in and pay his subscription.
paid up and the editor received let
tiers from one or two others stating
that they would come in and pay up
the first time they came to town.
You have doubtless heard numer-
Gus egg stories, where addresses were
written upon them,' says the Belle
Vile Telescope. Here is another
which has just happened. In Feb
ruary Miss Lula Ward, living south of
town, wrote her name and address
upon an egg before she marketed
them. The first of this month she got
a reply from Fred S. Scott at Butte,
Mont. In May of this year Mr.. and
Mrs. James Cornell, living south of
town, wrote their address upon an egg
also and this month a reply came
from Butte, Mont, from the same per-
son. Fred s. Scott"
Strickland w. Gillian, the humorist
of the Chicago News. who is deliver
ing addresses along the ChautauQua
circuit. writes from SaIina: Mr.. Bris-
tow, who was once assistant post
master general, runs a newspaper
here I went in and began to talk
with him before knew who he was.
When found out it was hard for me
to conceal my resentment over the
fact that he 1t was who sent so many
of my Indiana friends to the peniten-
tiary. 1t was mighty tough to sit
there and talk about the weather and
LaFollette and other phenomena to a
man who had populated the state and
government prisons with former
Hoosier associates of mine. 1 couldn't
help thinking how my striped friends
would feel as they toiled over their
shoe lasts and sweltered in their
zebroid clothes If they could know
that I was sitting in perfect freedom
on a pile of exchanges talking to the
very sleuthhound who sent them
where they are now involuntarily
boarding. I couldn't avoid feeling a
bit disloyal to those boon. companions
of mine, Of whose society Mr.. Bristow
had deprived me for so long. But I
was there and felt 1t necessary to be
polite. So I talked on in my graceful,
free, instructive, delightful way that
is so little trouble to me, and didn't
leave until Mr.. Bristow had shown by
his actions that he would like to en-
terrain a motion to adjourn.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07

bucket shops, all stock brokers' offices
have been shut tight. Railroads must
use electric headlights. Theatrical man
ayers are compelled to book any attrac-
ton applying for an open date. If 1t is
suitable for a first class play house
Drinking Is forbidden on trains, in any
circumstances. No public official may
employ any relative. unless the relation
ship is more distant than second cousin.
Yet the same legislature that passed
these laws reelected Joseph w. Bailey
to the United States senate, in spite of
what it knew about him.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07
HUMOR OF THE Day

Theater Treasurer-Do you wish your
usual seats for tonight. Mr.. Spinort?
Mr.. Spinort-No, give me something
Theater Treasurer-when did Mrs. Spin
ort get back from her visit?-Cleveland
Leader.
Pat-Oi whit on sthroik fer shorter
Mike-And did yez get 'em?
Pat-F'aith, an OF did thot- It's mesilf
as amt 'workin' at allnow.-Chicago Daily
News.
did Miss spinster marry happily?''
Yes, she married. happily"
'McBorril can't get over his old haber-
What has he done now?''
sold a man house the other day, and
asked him If he wanted it sent"
Struggling Author (who has just read
his last story to his wife)-There! that's
His wife-Yes. dear; what magazine
will you send 1t to first?
Teacher-Thomas. saw you laugh just
now. What were you laughing about?
TOMMY was just thinking about
Teacher-You have no business thinking
during school hours. Don't let it occur
again.
Miss Youngbird-I have not the slightest
idea how the wedding service begins. I'll
Her Adorer Balancing at the wedding
gifts that have been sent in)-Why not
begin: Know all men by these pres
ents"?
Doctor-I don't think II is anything very
serious, but you will have to stay in bed
at least two weeks.
Patient-But, doctor, do you know that
this is a very expensive hotel7
Doctor-Yes, am friend of the pro-
prietor.
II am going to see your father about
you, said a teacher to a boy who had ex-
hausted her patience
IF you do you'll never come back"
'Why?" demanded the teacher.
Cause pas dead"
Friend-Didn't your husband rave when
you showed him the dressmaker's bill?
Wife-Rather.
Friend-And how did you quiet him?
Wife, showed him the nilliner's next.
and then he became absolutely speech
II thought your son was going into a
lawyers office to study?''
NO; he has decided to practice the I'm
written Law: 1t is the least expensive
course. ." baltimore American
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07
GLOBE SIGHTS.

[From the Atchison Globe.1
Our idea of a dismal failure is black
berry pie.
As you grow older, about all you get
from a picnic is tired.
The only thing easy of accomplish
ment I'm this world is to be poor.
Some men seem to enjoy a tootbniclr
as much as others enjoy a cigar
Occasionally you find an old-fashioned
horse that scares at a railroad train.
Whenever we see a lion tanner we
wonder how he escaped being an agent
There is always a good demand for
hands at harvest time and in the ham
mock
When children play school. getting
pastime.
A woman is fairly we'll pleased with.
the weather If she can manage to keep
her hair in curl
When man quits job, his employer
is apt to say, He gave up the chance
of his life"
The timid person wastes a good deal
Of time, after it is over, telling what he
felt like saying.
Occasionally a man objects to frequent
bathing on the ground that too many
baths are weakening"
You may think you are handicapped
but think of the bashful young man
when corn on the cob is plentiful.
Some women have such tender, sym
pathetic nature they are almost as easily
affected as the stock market
We can't all look at things in the
same light: No doubt the man who
wears side whiskers admires them.
The man who hires his children to
be good never gets the results obtained
by the father who uses a whip.
Some people spend half their time
telling what they intend to do, and the
other half explaining why they didn't DO
It.
AS a general rule. the person who is a
a good deal the way boy regards
walking.
The trouble some men will take to get
whisky is not small, but 1t seems trifi-
ing compared with the trouble the
whisky brings.
You may think you accomplish your
task expedftiously and well, but after Il
is done, there is always someone to tell
you of better way.
When Spin gets lonesome it should
De some consolation to her to realize
that there isn't n man In the world who
has the right to beat her.
Doctors are now prescribing whisky as
an antidote for poison ivy. There seems.
however, to be no nntidote for the poison
contained in whisky
When a man is going wrong, his
friends dislike to speak to him" about
it. But the devil has no hesitancy in
speaking to him. when the time comes.
The man who calls on you in your
office, with a letter of introduction. is
often as big falkir as the men who de-
livers q street lecture, and sells eye wa
ter. !
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
HOME NEWS WHILE AWAY.

Subscribers of the State Journal
away during the summer may have
the paper mailed regularly each day
to any address at the rate of ten cents
a week or thirty cents month (by
mail only. Address changed as often
as desired. While out of town the
State Journal will be to you like
daily letter from home.
Advance payment is requested on
these short time subscriptions, to save
bookkeeping expense.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07

The nine-foot bed sheet law and the
one prohibiting the sale of any article
made by trust are not the only reforms
adopted by the last Texas legislature
It passed another law prohibiting the
mere possession of articles used in
games of chance, on pain Of imprison-
nent. Betting on baseball is criminal.
Half-fare railroad rates. as well as pass
%. are prohibited not only for railroads,
but street cars, telephone and telegraph
companies. Not content with closing
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR

IFrom the New York Press.1
Women seem to be ashamed to like
to eat real food.
There would beslots more fun in be-
ing good If it was against the law.
A girl wants to be engaged to some
hody even If she never intends to
marry him.
woman is afraid that if she does
MT go to her friends funerals they
won't go to hers.
A man is awful tricky to tell his
wife how pretty she Is when ta wants
her to believe IN him.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07

Not the least benefcent result of the
action of Federal Judge Lands in the
Standard Oil case, ought to be the re-
establishment of public confidence in
federal courts. The people have con-
ceived the idea in recent years that the
federal courts are Ravens for law-break-
ing corporations from the wrath of the
law, but Judge Lands has certainly
shown the reverse to be true
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07

The harvester trust proposes to at
tack the constitutionality of the Kan
sas antitrust law. 1t has already been
twice upheld by the United States su-
preme court. but the trusts are so ac-
customed to overriding laws that they
can not believe law is really invul-
nerable and must be obeyed.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07

The beauties of the law of compen-
sation are thus observed by ]. L. Bris-
tow: The fruit crop this year was a
failure, so that the news Of a raise in
prices by the sugar trust comes to
this part Of the country without a
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07

Judge Lindsey. of Colorado remarks
the Kansas City Journal, says the vote
of a woman can be bought for SIS. The
vote of a man can be bought for $2-but
not the vote of every man. The votes of
honest men and women cannot be
bought at any price" Pshaw, nowi
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07

1t appears that the familiar name of
Debs may not greet the voter as he un-
folds his official ballot next year, after
ALL There IS talk OF giving to w. d.
Haywood the space usually allotted to
DohG
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07

Even if there are no apples to eat
this year, there is some satisfaction in
the thought that the little white worm
will also starve-unless he makes out
another menu.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07

That $29, 100000 will go quite ways in
building the greater navy that Captain
Richmond Pearson Hobson wants-or it
might take few shovels full Of dirt out
of the canal ditch
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07

Chicago university may have to be
without any donations from Standard
OIL sources for awhile. but it will prob
ably be able to worry along.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07

Noting that Stuyvesant Fish calls
him a liar, Mr. Hartman would lead
us to believe that 1t is only another
Fish story
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07

Doesn't it seem natural to note the
name of our friend LODI in the date
lines once more as headquarters for
trouble?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07
FROM OTHER PENS
FORAKER.s LETTER.

Senator Foraker has had the frank
ness to publicly assert that he is OPP
posed to the nomination, of Secretary
Taft for the presidency.
But in his letter to Mr.. Mccoy the
senator has likewise weakened him
self with his party and with the voters
of the state.
On one proposition the Blade be-
lieves with the senator. The commit
tee is without authority to speak for
the Republicans of the state on such
matter. Whatever 1t does will not be
binding and it does not appear that
Secretary Taft can be helped by such
action. On this point Senator Forak-
er's contention is sound.
But when he states his grounds for
opposing the nomination of Secretary
Taft the senator will discover he is ar
rayed against a large and growing ele-
ment within the party in Ohio.
His opposition to Taft is based. SO
he says, on the secretary'S stand in
favor OF tariff revision. Senator For
aker opposes any movement looking
to revision of the Dingley schedules.
And right here is where we believe
Senator Foraker is wrong, out of tune
with the advanced thought of his
party and is falling behind the process
sion.-Toledo Blade.
EXPRESS RATES IN NEBRASKA.
The express companies doing bust
ness in Nebraska have united in re-
monstrance against the enforcement
by the state railway commission of the
recently enacted state law cutting
their rates 25 per cent. The COM
panies offer, as compromise, to
make a reduction of 10 per cent.
Whether, under the terms OF the act,
the commission will deem itself au-
thorized to accept the offer appears
uncertain, but the conciliatory attitude
of the companies attests the propriety
of the legislative action. The extor-
tionate rates charged for express SER
vice in Pennsylvania are quite as bur-
densome and unnecessary as the Ne
braska rates. The greater share of
the express business ought to be done
by the railroad companies. at far less
cost to shippers and with great ad-
vantage to railroad shareholders
Philadelphia Record.
IMPROVE COUNTRY SCHOOLS.
1t is suggested that an Improvement
in the rural schools might have some
effect in stemming the tide toward the
cities. Much stress is laid on the need
of scientific education for farmers to
fit them properly for their work. And
as solution of the troublesome labor
problem it is proposed that colonies of
immigrants of the same nationalities
be established Throughout the state
Chicago Tribune.
HURRAH!
They say that Mr.. Bryan has
changed face. Not bit of it. The
same confident, honest, courageous,
optimistic face of the philosopher,
statesman and born leader that the
people of all this world love to look
upon and everywhere respect.-Mem-
phis News-Scimitar.
UP WITH THE UPPERS!
Wisconsin has a new law that re-
duires the upper berth in sleeping
cars to be kept closed when not in use.
A sensible arrangement that sleeping
car managers should adopt without be-
ing compelled to do so by law.-Utica
Press
MARSE HENRY,S PLATFORM.
Colonel Watterson invites the next
national Democratic convention to
Louisville. The colonel has built for
it a platform which has leg on each
corner, and a foundation that will
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07

If the official count in Mississippi
shows that Governor Vardaman wins
the United States senatorship after
ALL it means that Tillman will have
rival as chief ranter In the senate.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07

Don't forget that the lawn mower
q good thing which needs pushing alonl
since the recent rains.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07

And in the meantime. nothing IS
happening to the steel trust
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07

Judge Lands might have known
the trust organs would immedlateE
reverse his decision.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07

Now that Georgia has adopted full
prohibition, Georgia officials will find
out what real trouble is
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07

The trouble with dollar wheat In Kan
sas just now is that it is worth only a
cents.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07

Belgium has prohibited absinthe,
but when is 1t going to prohibit Leo
naId9
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07

It is too late for the ChautauQua cir
cult to get Judge Lands this year.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07
WORKS ROTH WAYS
THE TIGHT WAD.

and you will see him buy a gold brick
once in a while. Ever notice that the
people rather enjoy it when a Tight
Wad gets gold bricked ?-Mankato
Advocate.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07
KANSAS cOAAENT
GLORYi

GLORYi
1t seems to be more or less auth
oritatively announced that the Rock
Island railroad is going out of politics
and will hereafter devote itself to the
manufacture and sale of a good,
prompt and reliable article of trans
portation. In other words, that it will
be business enterprise in the mar
ket under business rules and restric-
tions and not counting political IA
vors, which are at best elusive and
unsa tlsfactory. Glory! If the roads.
all or them, had come to this decision
years ago there would not now be the
incipient hostility threatening Rail-
reading is purely a business PROPOSE
ton and yet 1t has been manipulated
until OF late years 1t has become a
semi-political trust for the purposes
OF rewards and punishments. The
people are fair and just In fact they
are liberal when on honor. No road
would have ever suffered in business
if its affairs had been left unreserv-
eddy and on honor in the hands of
the people. Some railroad attorneys.
many railroad politicians, have work.
cd tremendous harm to their COM
Clay Center Times.
GETS IT COMING AND GOING.
Every newspaper is abused not only
for what it says but for what it does
not say. Some fellows will act the
TOOL and If any mention is made of it
in the home paper it is abused like a
pirate and the editor is lucky if he
doesn't have a fight or chance to
fight on his hands. If some fellow
has graft he wants pushed or If he
does something for the public good
from which he expects to make per-
sona1 gain and the newspaper does
not jump out and hail him as hero
and public benefactor this man and
his friends will get around and talk
about how the home paper is neglect
ing to give proper credit to a Worthy
New Leaf.
SAFEGUARDS
There is still heard in Kansas an
occasional weak protest against the
urged direct primary experiment on
the ground that it would not be prop
erly surrounded by legal safeguards.
There is absolutely no sensible argu-
ment to justify such a position. The
direct primary will have quite as
much protection as do our political
circumstances will be far more sat
isfactory to the people at large
Leavenworth Times
WORKS BOTH WAYS.
Senator Foraker has given it out
that he will not vote for Mr.. Taft, un-
less Taft outlines his views on the tar
iff. He adds that he is little par
ticular these days about whom he votes
for. Has 1t occurred to Mr.. Foraker
that other Ohio people may be a little
lar might affect their choice for United
States senator ?-HutcIlinson News.
THE TIGHT WAD
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07
UP WITH THE UPPERs!

Wisconsin has a new law that re-
duires the upper berth in sleeping
cars to be kept closed when not in use.
A sensible arrangement that sleeping
car managers should adopt without be-
ing compelled to do so by law.-Utica
Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07
MARsE HENRY,s PLATFORM.

Colonel Watterson invites the next
national Democratic convention to
Louisville. The colonel has built for
it a platform which has leg on each
corner, and a foundation that will
catch it in case 1t Says in the middle
Atlanta Constitution.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07
Sure Speed Cure.

"You will never break up automo-
bile speeding by timing the automo-
biles," bantered the stranger in the big
goggles.
"Maybe not. neighbor," drawled the
rural constable with the huge star,
s.but we have broken up a lot Of speed
ing by timing the chauffeurs.
Thinning the chauffeurs?"
YES, giving them sixty days time
in the county Jail. Chicago News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07
HCJRRAHi

They say that Mr.. Bryan has
changed face. Not bit of 1t. The
same confident, honest, courageous,
optimistic face of the philosopher,
statesman and born leader that the
people of all this world love to look
upon and everywhere respect.-Mem-
phis News-Scimitar.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-08-07
They Moved Down to Bost,

Mrs. H G. Wells and other grown-ups
have had their merry gibes at Boston,
but here Is a little miss whose uncon-
scious irony puts their best efforts to
shame.
why" asked Dorothy the other night
on going to bed; why can't we see the
fairies "
because they do not live in the fields
and woods here any more" replied her
nurse.
'fwhere are they, then-in heaven?''
Perhaps So.
.Oh. I know" said Dorothy. after a
moment of silent thought. The angels
got tired of their old mansions in the
skies. SO they let the fairies have them
and moved to Boston."-Judge.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1907-07-03
MARVELLOUS SHOW
OF HIS CONTROL
IN GUIDING SHIP
Luncheon Viii Be Served
Him While Machine Is
Tied to Roof.

Beachey. the wizard Of the air. is at
Luna Park with the dirigible balloon
with which he scars through the clouds
At 2 o'clock this afternoon he will make
an ascension and sail about Luna Park
guiding his flying machine as he wills
Friday he will make a flight from Luna
Park to this city, alighting on the
Munsey building and thus being only
a few feet above the editorial rooms Of
The Times Those who want 10 see this
fight can be notified OF 1t thirty minutes
in advance. Half an hour before he is
due at the Munsey building a flag will
be hoisted TO the top Of the flag pole on
the Munsey building.
When he alights he will put rings
around the buildings, execute figure
eights In the air, and otherwise show
under what perfect control he manages
his airship- He guides ii as IL IL were
a buggy on the ground
Mr.. Beachey will be given a luncheon
on the roof of the Munsey building
while a small-sized battalion will en-
deavor TO chain his Pegasus to the
building until the young aeronaut is
ready to begin his return flight TO the
park, where he will remain for a week.