davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14
Rheumatism

i have found a tried and tested cure for Rheu-
natism Not remedy that will straighten the
distorted limbs of chronic crpples, nor turn bony
growths back to flesh again. That is impossible.
But can now surely kill the pains and pangs of
this deplorabe disease.
In Germany-with a Chemist in the City Of
Dannstadt-I found the last ingredient with
which Dr.. Shops Rheumatic Remedy was made
> perfected. dependable prescription. Without
that last ingredient successfully treated many,
many cases of Rheumatism; butnow at last it uni
formly cures all durable cases of this heretofore
much dreaded disease. Those sand-like granular
wastes, found in Rheumatic Blood seem todissolve
and pass away under the action of this remedy as
freely as does sugar when added to pure water.
And then, when dissolved. these poisonous wastes
freely pass from the system, and the cause of
rheumatism is gone forever. There is now no
real need-no actual excuse 20 suffer longer with.
ont help. We sell. and in confidence recommend
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14
The Limit Of Life.

The most eminent medical scientists
are unanimous in the conclusion that
the generally accepted limitation Of
human life is many years below the at
tainment possible with the advanced
knowledge of which the race is now
possessed. The critical period, thai
determines its duration, seems to be
between so and so; the proper care Of
the body during this decade can not be
too strongly urged; carelessness then
being fatal to longevity. Natures best
helper after so is Electric Bitters, the
scientific tonic medicine that revitaliz-
es every organ Of the body. Guaranteed
by H. q. Miller, druggist. SOC.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

Eastern Housekeeper-Do you have
any difficulty in keeping good girls in
the west?
Western Housekeeper (from a natur-
al gas town Great dificultyl Every
once in a while girl let's the gas run
too long before lighting it, and we have
to look out for new girl, No use
looking for the old one. NY. Weekly.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14
TWice-Tnld Tales.

Some tales never lose in the telling,
and the tale of good that DIR. Caldwells
(laxative) Syrup Pepsin will, and does
do, to all poor, dyspeptic, bilious suf-
,ferers, is one of them. 1t positively
relieves and cures all forms of indiges-
tion, starts up the languid liver, regu'
lates the constipated bowels aud re-
stores the entire system to q perfect
condition Of health. Try it. Sold by
all druggists at soc and 81. Money
back if ii fails.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14
Endorsed by the County.

"Themost popular remedy in Otsego
county and the best friend of my fami.
ly," writes VIM. M. Dietz, editor and
publisher of the Otsego Journal, Gill
bertsvle, N. Y, sis Dr. Kings New
Discovery IL has proved TO be an in
fallble cure for coughs and colds,
making short work Of the worst Of them.
We always keep bottle in the house.
/ believe it to be the most valuable pre-
scription known for lung aud throat
diseases. Guaranteed to never disap-
point the taker by H. g. Miller, drug-
gist. Price soc and 81. Trial bottle free.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

Group can positively be stopped in 90
minutes. No vomiting = nothing to
sicken or distress your child. A sweet,
pleasant and safe syrup, called DIR.
Shops Group Cure, does the work
and does it quickly. DIR. Shops Cough
Cure is for Group alone, remember. II
does not claim to cure dozen ailments
It's for Group, that's all. Sold by al
dealers.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

SIN our city," said Miss Rittenhouse
Squayer, admission to the upper ten
implies good birth.
''That's odd," replied Miss TRAVELLING
of Chicago. "Now, in a sleeping car,
the lower five implies a much better
berth. philadelphia Press.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

The Lady =" What - thirty eight
cents dozen for eggs? Why, that's
more than three cents for one eggl"
The Grocer-"Well, mum, you must
remember that one egg is whole
days work for one hen. cleveland
Leader.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

To stop cold with "Preventios" is
safer than to let it run and cure it af-
terward. Taken at the ''sneeze stage
Preventics will head off all colds and
grippe, and perhaps save you from
pneumonia or bronchitis. Preventics
are little toothsome candy cold cure
tablets selling in s and 20 cent boxes.
If you are chilly, if you begin to sneeze,
try preventics. They will surely check
the cold and please you. Sold by ali
dealers.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

eff I could only die and leave you
we'll off" he said, after they had had
their first quarrel, 81 would be glad to
CO."
"How," she cruelty asked, "could
you die and leave me otherwise than
we'll off" Chicago Record Herald.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

Wiggs-Why do you say so positive
ly that man can't do wrong in marry
ing widow?
Wagg-Why, it's plain enough that
if a man marries widow he don't mar
ry amiss. Boston Transcript.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14
A Woman's Martyrdom

is too often her own iault simply be.
cause she won't take sufficient trouble
to try medicine that so many thou
sands of women enthusiastically recon-
mend, viz: DR.. Caldwell's Qaxative)
Syrup Pepsin. This bland, soothing,
curative medicine regulates disordered
of stomach, liver, bowels, ETC., and
soon restores sick women to perfect
health. Try it. Sold by all druggists
at SOC and 81. Money back if it fails.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

"Senator, presume it requires q
good bit of practice to make a speech
and have every sentence in it say some
thing, doesn't it?" ''It does" replied
Senator Badger, "but it requires more
to be able to talk for an hour and say
nothing. Milwaukee Sentinel.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

Piles get quick relief from DR.. Shops
Magic Ointment. Remember it's made
alone for piles, and it works with GER
tainty and satisfaction. Itching, pain
full, protruding or blind piles disap-
pearing like magic by its use. Try il
and see
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14
" Everybody Should Know, "

says @. G. Hays, a prominent business
man of Bluff, Mo-, "that Bucklen's Ar
MICA Salve is the quickest and surest
healing salve ever applied to a sore,
burn or wound, or to case of piles
I've used it and know what I'm talking
about" Guaranteed by 81. G. Miller,
druggist. 25c.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

Heine Cat the village barber's)-I say,
do you know why this mans shop is
hung all over with sacred pictures?
Beine-Oh, yes; that is for the con.
venience of his customers, so that they
may call on all the saints when he
shaves them. - Meggendorfer Batter.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

"He seems to be somewhat relig-
ious. AT least, judge from his, talk
that he belongs to some church.
"That's funny. Judged from his
talk THAT some church belonged to
him. "--Philadelphia Press.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

Mrs. De Long-That's lovely gown
you have on.
Mrs. Short-Yes, ii cost me many
sleepless nights.
Mrs. De Long-Why, how was that?
Mrs. Short acquired it on the in
stallment plan while my husband was
asleep.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

"You look worried" said one gilded
youth.
" 1 am, answered the other. "My
father has conceived the idea of trying
to cut my allowance down low enough
to keep people from saying l have more
money than brains. Washington Star.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

The Wears Wife-I'm sorry to see
you're not paying into our coal club
this year, Goodenough.
Goodenough-Well, mum, you see--
we'll, it's like this ere: 1 lives right
behind the coal yard now. Punch.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

Doctor-You should regulate your
wearing apparel according to the
weather.
Patient-Huh! What do you take
me fora lightning change artist?-
Chicago News.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

First Traveller (cheerfully) Fine
day, isn't if?
Second Ditto (haughtily)-Sirl You
have the advantage of me. / don't
know you
First Traveller umphl l fail to
see the advantage. Town and Conn
try.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14
=" Regular as the Sun /"

is an expression as old as the race. No
doubt the rising and setting of the sun
is the most regular performance in the
universe, unless it is the action of the
liver and bowels wien regulated with
DR.. Kings New Life Pills. Guaranteed
by 81. @. Miller, druggist, Csc
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

Ii you are constipated, dull or bilious
or have sallow lifeless complexion try
Laxets just once to see what they will
do for you. Laxets are little toothsome
candy tablets-nice to eat, nice in effect.
No gripping, no pain. Just gentle lax
alive effect that is pleasingly desirable.
Handy for the vest pocket or purse.
Laxets meet every desire. Laxets come
to you in beautiful autographed metal
boxes at 5 and 25 cents. Sold by all
dealers.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

81 wonder what the poet meant
when he said blessings brighten as
they take their flights, >" remarked
the curious man.
perhaps he meant single blessed
ness" replied the man who was un'
happily married. Philadelphia Press.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

Maude Tom is strange fellow. He
proposed to me in church last Sunday
during the sermon.
Belle-Are you sure he wasn't talk
ing 10 his sleep, dear?- Boston Tran
script.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

Mrs. Jimmy-Did you see my sun
burst yesterday?
Mrs. Kidder-No, but / knew he
would, If he ate any more of that tur-
key and mince pie. Cleveland Lead
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

Walking through this hotel re-
minds me of measuring a vulture."
"How SOP"
Its about four feet from tip to tip. F"
W ashington Herald.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

Suffered day and night the torment
of itching piles. Nothing helped me
until used Doau's Ointment. 1t cured
me p rmanently. Hon. John R. Gar.
rett, Mayor, Girard, Ala.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14
Why Suffer from Rheumatism ?

Do you know that rheumatic pains
can be relieved If you doubt this
just try one application of Chamber
lain's Pain Balm. 1t will make rest
and sleep possible, and that certainly
means great deal to any one afflicted
with rheumatism. For sale by Il. G.
Miller.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

Mrs. Knicker-ls your husband prac.
tical?
Mrs. Bocker-No; he remembers q
winter just like this when he was a
boy, but he won't recall an Grand
asked him to do in town this morning.
New York Sun.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

Harsh physics react, weaken the bow
els, cause chronic constipation. Doan 8
Regulets operate easily, tone the stom-
ach, cure constipation. 25c. Ask your
druggist for them.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

Accidents will happen, but the best
regulated families keep DR.. Thomas
Electric OIL for such emergencies. It
subdues the pain and heals the hurts.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

"Some men insist that woman has nc
business brains, but there is a young
woman who conducts a large business
and it calls for head work all the time.
"Who is she?"
"My wife's milliner. - Cleveland
Press.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

A healthy man is king in his own
right an unhealthy man is an un-
helathy slave. Burdock Blood Bitters
builds up sound health; keeps YOU well.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

Copy Reader-Man dropped dead in
Turkish bath. How'll I head the
story?
Night Editor-Another Sweat Shop
Outrage. Cleveland Leader.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

81 thought you said it was a sleigh.
ing party?"
"It was"
"But you went in an automobile.
ST know we did. Our staying con-
sisted of running over two dogs and a
chicken"
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

"Are you hungry, George, dear?"
"Who cooked the dinner, pet?"-
Cleveland Plain Dealer. 8
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1907-02-14

"What do you think of my law Of
fice?"
Doesn't look much like a law office.
Where are your books?"
"Oh, I'm msking a speciality of un.
written law. Washinton Herald.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-01-08

The quarterly conference meeting
0; the First NJ. p. Church viii he held
Friday eeynfng, January II, at 1880.
On the following Sunday morning a
quarterly meeting will be held and
In the evening the sacrament of the
Lords Supper Beginning with Mon
dsy protracted meeting will be held
TO continue Indefinitely and a cordial
invitation is extended by the pastor
TO all to attend.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-01-08
Going to Camp
AT JAMESTOWN NEXT SUMMER
ARE WOoDMEN OF THE
WORLD OF THIS CITY.

The Uniform Rank of the woodmen
of the World will camp at JamestowI
next summer during the exposition.
Theo Ulcers of this recently organic.
ed lodge are
The officers of this recently organiz-
First Lieutenant-D. NJ. Barker.
Second Lieutenant-O. B. Bisch.
First Sergeant-H. W. Drake.
Second Sergeant-B. G. Conway.
Clerk-Floyd Staley.
Treasurer-Bruce Morgan.
Representative Doury, of the Petit
bone Mfg. Company, of Cincinnati,
here and took measurements of
the members for uniforms and equip
ment.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-01-08
DR.. Pierce's Favorte Prescription,

Is not q secret or patent medicine. against
which the most intelligent people are
quite naturally averse because OF the nn-
certainty as TO their harmless character,
but Is q medicine OF KNOWN COMPOSITION,
a full list Of all its ingredients being
printed, w plain English, on every bottle
wrapper. An examination Of this list OF
Ingredients will disclose the fact that 1t
Is non-alcoholic In its composition. chem
ieally pure glycerins taking the place Of
the commonly used alcohol, In It's make
up. The "Favorite Prescription" OF DR..
Pierce Is In fact the only medicine put up
Tor the cure OF woman's peculiar weak
pssses and ailments, sold through drug
ss.ts. thst dess pot ~S9ntsip alcohol aid
ndt 700 N ldTee Quantities. Furthermore,
diseases, the ingredients OF which have
the unanimous endorsement OF all the
leading medical writers and teachers OF
all the several schools OF practice, and
that too as remedies for the ailments for
whlsh sFar0rite Prescription is recon-
A little book Of some Of these endorse.
ments will be sent to any address. post
paid, and absolutely free II you request
9ams by postal card or letter, Of Dr.. R.
": Pierce, Buffalo, n. Y.
Don't forget that DR.. PIerce's Favorite
Prescription, for woman's weaknesses and
delicate ailments, 10 not q patent or secret
medicine, being the uFayorite Prescrip-
Non" OF q regularly educated and gradu-
ated physician, engaged in the practice
Of his chosen specialty-that Of diseases
Of wopen-thati Its ingredients are printed
IN plain English on every bottle-wrapper;
that It 10 the only medicine especially do.
signed for the cure Of woman's diseases
that contains no alcohol, and the only
one that has q professional endorsement
worth more than all the so-called rtesti-
monialsr ever published for other med.
iclnes. Send for these endorsements as
above. They are free for the asking.
II you suffer from periodical, headache,
backache, dizziness, pain or dragging
down sensation low down in the abdomen,
weak back, have dlsagreeable and weak.
Ing, catarrhal, pelvic drain, or are In
distress from being long On your feet, then
you may be sure OF benefit from taking
Dr.. Pierce's Favorite Prescription.
DR.. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets the best lag.
alive and regulator Of the bowels. They
i~nvigorato Stomach, liver and bowels.
. a laxative; two OF three a cathartio
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-01-08

The Ladies' Aid Society of the NJ.
E. Church will hold a meeting Thurs.
day afternoon at 2 o'clock sharp at
the residence of Mrs. Maple Donham,
of Market street. All the ladies' arc
requested to bring their scrap bags
and all me left-overs of laces and rib
hons, etc, will be utilized in view Of
holding a leftover sale 81 articles
made from the scrap bags.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-01-08

If taken at the sneeze Stage" Pre-
ventics-a toothsome candy Tablet
will surely and quickly check an ap
preaching cold or Lagrippe. When
you first catch COLOR feel It coming
on-take DR.. Shops %Preventics, and
the prompt effect will certainly sur.
prise and please you. Preventics, sure
ly supply the proverbial ounce OF
prevention" Sold in 5 cent and rs
cent boxes by E. A. BiIingslea & Co.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-01-08

Robert Shells, a banker of Neenah.
Wis, who a few days ago started on
his e%ighty-frst year, drove the first
survey stake for the first railway in
Wisconsin. That was in the fall of
ls49. and the line was the Milwaukee
and Waukesha, out of which the Chi.
cago, Milwaukee and st. Paul road
grew.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-01-08

DR.. William Duane, professor of
physics in the University of Colorado
since 1897. has ersigned in order to &C.
ceDt a position under Nine. Curie, the
radium expert in Paris. While in
Paris DR.. Duane will have a position
in the department of original research
in the University of Paris, the salary
being paid by Andrew Carnegie, I'M
der the scholarship founded by him.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-01-08

Friends OF Senator Dubois, of Idaho,
whose term will expire with the close
of Congress in March. say that 1t is
his purpose to take the lecture plat.
form in the East early next spring
and tell the people about the Mormon
question. Senator Dubois has been
forced by political conditions in his
part of the country to a~cquaint him.
self thoroughly with this subject:
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-01-08
Old Fashioned
Lodge Fair
WILL BE HELD BY KNIGHTS OF
PYTHiAS FOR TWO DAYS
NEXT MONTH.

The uniform rank OF the knights OF
Pythias held their election last night
and the following officers were elect
ed for the ensuing term:
Captain, r. C. Miller.
First Lieutenant, Carl Riggs.
Second Lieutenant, F. F. Reeves.
Recorder, Jacob F. Straight.
Treasurer, W. R. Hickman.
Captain Miller made the following
appointments: A. H. Hunsaker, first
sergeant and right guide; L. L. Swind.
Ter. second sergeant and left guarl
Another interesting thing came up
In the meeting and that was the rails.
ing of funds to defray the expenses
of the local company at the James.
town Exposition next summer. 1t
was decided to hold a two days fair
the first of next month. This is to
be a regular old fashioned lodge fair
and will probably be held in the Gas.
inc OF Jackson street. The commit.
teemen on arrangements are Charles
F. Randall, w. r. Hickman, J.. Fl.
Graham, Carl Riggs. Clyde s. Holt,
B. l.. Martin and w. C. Miller.
The K. of P.'s in this State have
been in communication with Ohio com
panies and the Ohio brigade will join
the West Virginians and these will be
a division camp at the exposition.
Those in charge of the exposition
have been advised as to the action
of the Knights and have offered free
grounds, free tents and free cots.
Each individual company will de-
fray the expense 1t incurs. A special
train will carry the members.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-01-08
Masquerade Dance.

Unique invitations have been issued
to a grand masquerade ball to be CIV
en- Thursday, January II, at the Mo.
nongahela Club house. Preparations
are being made for that occasion and
great pleasure is anticipated.
There Will also be a dance on Thurs
Day evening of this week. to which $50
Invitations have been sent. Music
viii be in charge of the orchestra.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-01-08

AS a realization of his boyhood fan.
cies and the fondest dreams of his So
years of life, George L. Long. for 20
years editor of the Manson Ua.) Jour.
nal, and father of a grown son and
daughter. will enter college after the
holidays.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-01-08
THE BEST OF HumoR.

but this is 50 sudden. You hui
better give me a week to think It
over"
Very well. dear. And, perhaps. Il
would be as wen II l thought 1t over
over myself at the same time
sketchy Bits.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-01-08
Basket Ball Team.

The Normal Basket Ball team have
rented the basement hall under the
Commercial Hotel. and commencing
with to-day all practicing will go on
there, every afternoon during the sea.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-01-08
W.. C.. T. v.

The W. C. T. U. will meet wednes.
day afternoon at three o'clock at the
VI. E. Church and all are requested to
be present as important business is
to be discussed.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-01-08

Recent returns from South Dakota
and other acknowledgements" points
give a hard jolt TO the ancient con.
tention that marriages are made in
heaven."-New York Herald.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-01-08

Friend-You took yout son into your
establishment some months ago to
teach him the business, l understand.
How did 1t turn out?
Business Man (wearily)-Great IL c
cess. He's teaching me now."-Chi.
cago Journal.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1907-01-08
Men and Women

Probably the youngest state iegisia-
tor in the country is Guy s. cyr, q
member of the Maine Assembly, who
is not yet % years old.