The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1907-01-03
The VaineSt City in the World

body and pull the drivers leg till he became frantic
with mingled pain and rage. And yet any real New
things change so fast in this town that even an old
resident cannot keep track of the changes.
Another amusing thing about the great city is the
everlasting attempt to correct the bridge congestion
The bridge is of course the great Brooklyn suspension
bridge. The congestion is caused by the simple fact
at the bridge and try deliver all the cars carried over
eighteen tracks to the single track that leads across
the big structure. Naturally there is congestion.
Every few months commission is appointed by the
Mayor or the Aldermen, the bridge authorities,
the Board of HEALTH the police or some other of
New Yorks countless bosses and managers, to sit at
great expense and length, and solemnly debate over
this deep and abstruse problem: GLOW can we make
the water run out of the end of funnel as fast
as we can put it in the wide end?"
The bridge is case in point in another way. The
simple and untutored stranger naturally expects to see
an imposing entrance, possibly marble, with noble
flights OF steps and great columns leading to the SPLEEN
did arches and the daring giant swing of the mighty
cables. Instead, he finds huge square opening lead
ing into damp place of tracks and gloom Every
on here or there. The whole looks like the abode of
house wreckers or wholesale Junk dealers, who have
built the place up precarousy bit by bit as they got
handy bits of odd metal
The nearest that any of the great thinkers of
New York ever came to solution when recent
bridge commissioner announced in report, after much
intricate thought, that ''the bridge is so crowded in
what called the rush hours because SO
many people go across at that particular time"
The town is 'ust getting around to" everything and
never quite getting there on time. More than fifteen
years OF fuss and feathers elapsed before it finally got
around to building its subway of which is SO nor-
dnately proud now, although that same subway was
fully one half too small when it planned and is
not large enough now by three quarters
And the subway is like everything else in the
town. Apparently nobody took thought to do anything
to make noiseess and the result is that it is totally
impossible to converse in the cars. That does not
strike New York fault, however The ticket
windows are arranged for two of people to buy
tickets simultaneously, but the company instals only
one agent in each place. Nobody kicks.
Ask New Yorker to tell you specifically what it is
that makes him so proud of his town. and he will be
unable to produce anything except few platitudes
backed up by statistics about area wealth ard pop
uation.
Three out of ten of the "citizens can't even find
place to sleep in their" town, but have to 90 to bed
by way of railroads. Many OF them have to sleep in
another State
Only about one in a hundred can even hope to see
the inside of the famous hotels and restaurants Not
in a thousand has been to the grand opera
The strangers who visit the city GET the best of it. 1t
is made for them. The average citizen gets barely
enough out of it to pay for bare living.
The vain city, OF which he is SO Unfortunately vain in
turn gives him the privilege of walking the streets
(when they are not torn up) and looking at things
strictly from the outside.
New Workers are as vain of their town as the town
is collectively of itself. Somehow they have acquired
the strange idea that it is game and cosmopolitan not
to kick at any kind OF abuse.
They would rather be lamp-poss on the Bowery
than big oads in small puddle. That's not the least
amusing thing about New York.