The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-09-26
nj .. s. PARTRrDGE.

Gs S.
 svThat teller must be an intimate friend of yours" The Impractical Per son remarked when the Placid Person who for several moments had been writhing in pain and trying to swallow hfz wrath after being violently xhwacked in the back by an acquaint- ance, had completely regained his well bred composure.
 s.He is not The Placid Person re- marked decisively with fierce look ct the departing offender. He is not AT intimate but familiar friend. There is a vast differences: an intimate friend is never familiar, and am frank to say, as 1t is written In testimonials, that a familiar friend Is never in- timate'
 ..speakinE of familiarity" remarked The Paipable Person. whose belief in khe vincular or chain system of con versation is so strong that he never introduces a subject he can not make appear cognate. speaking of famiii- arity. are you familiar with the expres- sion, brown as berry?'
 If you please. yes The Placid Per son answered with agnesian polite ness Il have known it for years But I must confess that I like 1t not so well as once I did"
 well. now, I lay a wager that you have never thought what kind of ber- ry was meant" The Palpable Person said: he fancies himself ingenious Tor having thought of such thoughtiess things himself. There is probably Tn the whole vegetable Kingdom no really brown berry. There are blue-oerries and blackberries--"
 "Yes, and there are goose-berries. too,r The Running Person interrupted noisly, .and there'll be one when you are laid to rest"
 Of course The Running Persons raucous laughter, the angry snort Of The Impractical Person and the be- wildered stare of The Palpable Person were the only overt recognttions of, the verbal outrage, but The Placid Person surreptitiously took The Pun ning Persons hand within his own and squoze It with tender and grateful sym pathy.
 But really, there is n't," The Pal pablo Person insisted.
 We don't care" The Impractical Person growled. Tt probably would not be good to eat if there was. And I had as soon be as brown as berry as be pale as lily or rosy as rose, or have any other vegetarian com pIexion. I'm flesh, and pretty fleshy flesh too, and I'm glad I took like 1t, and not some foolish little fruit. If ever you want to get poetical in your descriptions of me you say am tinged like a good thick beef-steak, or, if it happens to be the next morning, say that I am hued pale like puree of split pea"
 .'speaking of eating" said The Pal pablo Person, with a cough which showed he was embarrassed by the fierce tirade. this weather certainly gives a man an appetite I feel like l could eat nails"
 sT wish to God you would--forty-pen ny ones. growled The Impractical Person. dragging The Placid Person away with him.
 Say, Placidity,7 he said when they had got safely away. If he found out how big a fool he is do you think he would be too big a fool to go to Tusca- ioosa without requisition papers?'
 You must not be bitter" The Placid Person cautioned him. We must all be as cheerful as possible"
 t'Oh, I can be as cheerful as possible, all right and generally as cheerful as probably" retorted The Impractical Person: Its being as cheerful as im- possible that gets me"
 sThink of the troubles of others and you will forget your own" The Placid Person continued.
 Look here; you stop that inane very fiercely; 'Td rather go back to The Palpable Person. To hear him drivel just makes me mad, not sad; to hear you makes me both."
 seriously" The Placid Person an- swered gravely, consider the misfor tune of this tender Juvenile; she has very pretty full face. but very un- pretty side-face of which, of course. she has two. How much happier she would be if she had two full faces and but one side face; she would then be twice as pretty and just half as ugly.'
 "She is lucky to have one pretty face" The Impracticable Person in- sisted; he seemed to be 4hplacably synical. Did you enjoy a summer outing? I suppose you went all the way from Middle Alabama to the Gulf
 If you please, yes" acquiesced The Placid Person, delighted into agnesian