Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1907-12-26
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"He's engaged to a widow" slow
did he meet her?" "He did not meet
her. She overlook him."-Philadelp
Inquirer.
when bird can sing and won't"
YES" ut isn't half the trouble as
bird that can't sing and will."-Bal-
timore American.
Zone woman" remarked the mere
man. ''ls just as good as another-if
not better" "And one man." rejoined
the fair widow, "is just as bad as an
other-if not worse. Chicago News.
Where have you been, SamY "I'se
been up to ma two ears in work. sah."
up to your two ears in work2" Eyes,
sah." "What doing, Sam?" "Eatin'
watahmellion, sab !''-Yonkers States
man,
Tommy-Ma, baby is naughty. He
cried because 1 wouldn't give him any
Of my cake. Mammals his own cake
finishedl Tommy-Yes, ma; and he
cried while l was eating that, tool
Punch.
Don't give you all the money you
need?" her husband complained. "Yes,"
she replied, "but you told me before
we were married that you would give
me all I wanted."-Chicago Record
Herald.
"You seem to find that book very in
teresting" said Mrs. Henpeck. "Yes,"
replied Henry, "it's delightful. I've
glanced at the ending, and the hero and
heroine don't get married after ALL
Washington Herald.
Miss Kreech-Some authorities be-
lIeve that the practice Of singing will
keep a person from getting consump-
ton. Mr. Knox.-Yes, but most au-
thorities believe in "the greatest good
to the greatest number.
Press.
Rural Citizen Ito son engaged In
strange exercises )-Jabez, what In tar
nation be yer tryin' t do? His Son
Its that thar correspondence school,
dad l got letter from the sopho-
mores yestiddy tellin' me to haze
m'self.-Puck.
"Who Is this fellow Rush you spoke
OFF" "Oh, he's well-known chauf-
feur." "A well-known chauffeur"
That's what l saidw "Why, l never
heard of him" well, you would II
you were court clerk like l ann
Yonkers' Statesman.
Gracious! my DEAR" said the first
society belle, Il do hope you're not Ill;
you look so much older tonight" I'm
quite WELL thank you, dear" replied the
other, land you-how wonderfully Inn
proved you are! You look positively
young g"-Philadelphia Press.
Casual Caller (to one next him)-1
was introduced to that squint-eyed, red
haired woman over there as Mrs. Some
body or other. Don't you think the
man was an idiot that married herr
Next One (meekly)-I can't just say.
I'm the man.-Baltimore American.
"You enjoy going to the theater"
YES" answered Mr.. Meekton. But
you don't care much for musical
plays" mo. What enjoy Is to take
Henrietta where there is whole lot
Of conversation going on in which she
can't say a word. New York Tribune.
"Tomkins has got more nerve than
anv man | ever met" "What now?"
"'He came over to my place yesterday
to borrow my gun, saying that he want
ed to kill a dog that kept him awake
nights" "Well, what of it?" "lt was
my dog he killed. milwaukee, senti-
1el
Does your honor wish to charge the
jury?" asked the legal light, when all
the evidence was in. mo, guess
not" replied the judge. II never
charge 'em anything. These fellows
don't know much, any way, an let 'em
have all they can make."-Harper's
Weekly.
"Do you think" asked the sweet
girls mother, that Mr.. wilkins is Sc
rlous?" Serious? Ma, he's worse
than that He stayed here till nearly
IL o'clock last night, and any one who
had studied his face might has thought
he was sitting up with a corpse. .'-Chl-
cago Record Herald.
Father-I wish you'd invite that
young man Of yours up here tomorrow
night. Daughter (surprised at the re-
uuest) why, father, | thought you
said you had no use for him? Father
SO did, last summer But tomorrow
I'm going to put up the stove.-Detroit
Free Press.
what does your father do to earn
his living?" asked New York princi-
pal of pupil who was being admitted.
"Please, ma'am, he doesn't live with
US; mamma supports me-" well then,
how does your mother earn her living"
"She gets paid for staying away from
replied the child. artlessly.-
II N Waok1v