Waterbury evening Democrat., 1907-07-06
the beast in the gallery.

l
 The look in his eyes changed to re. lief and contemptuous approval. Thorc was a murmur of derision from my fellow members. Then I remem- bered that negative was, at that stage of the bill, vote for it-I had done just the reverse of what I in- tended. The roll-call went on, and I sat debating with myself. Prudence, Inclination, the natural timidity of ! youth, the utter futility of opposition, fear. above all else, fear-these join cd In bidding me let my vote stand as cast. On the other side stood my notion of self-respect. I felt I must then and there and for ever decide whether l was thing or man. Yet, again and again had voted for meas ures just as corrupt-had voted for them with no protest beyond cyni- cal shrug and wry look Every man, even the laxest, If he is to continue to count as one" must have a point where he draws the line beyond which ne Will not go. The liar must have things he will not lie about, the thief things he will not steal, the compro- miser things he will not compromise, the practical man of the pulpit. in politics, in business, in the profes. sor's chair. or editorial tribune, things he will not sacrifice, whatever the cost. That is practical honor" I had reached my line of practical honor. my line between possible com promise and certain demoralization. And l realized 1t.
 When the roll-call ended rose, and, in voice that knew was firm and clear. said: MT. Speaker, ' voted in the negative by mistake. wish my vote to be recorded in the affirmative. am against the bill"
 Amid fearful silence took my seat. With suddenness that made me leap, a wild and crazy assembly man. noted as the crank of that ses- sion, emitted fantastic yell of en- thusiastic approval. Again there was that silence; then the tension of the assembly, floor and crowded galleries, burst forth in storm of hysterical laughter.
 wish could boast how brave felt as I reversed my vote, how in- different to that tempest of mockery, and how strong as I went forth to meet my master and hear my death- warrant But can't, in honesty-I'm only a human being, not hero, and these are my confessions, not my professions. So I must relate that, though the voice that requested the change of vote was calm and cour. ageous, the man behind 1t was agi- tated and sick with dread. There may be those who have the absolute cour. age some men boast--if not directly. then by implication in despising him who has 1t not. For myself, must say that never made venture-and my life has been succession of ven lures. often with my whole stake upon the table--I never made a venture that did not have a sickening sensa. tion at the heart My courage, if 1t can be called by so sounding a name, has been in daring to make the throw when every atom of me was shriek- ing: You'll lose! You'll be ruined!"
 did not see Dominick until after supper. had nerved myself for scene-indeed. had been hoping he would insult me- When one lacks the courage boldly to advance along the perilous course his intelligence counsels. fe is lucky if he can and will goad some one into kicking him along 1t past the point where retreat is possible Such methods of advance are not dignined. but then, is life dig nihed? To my surprise and alarm, Dominick refused to kick me into manhood He had been paid, and the $77, 1000. ,n bills of large denomination. were wirming his heart from the In. ner pocket of his waistcoat. So he came pp to me scowling, but friendly.
 "Why didn't you tell me you want cd to be let of, Harvey?" he said. re- proaehfully. I'd a done it. Now. damn you, you've put me in place where I've got to give you the whip"
 To flush at this expression from Dominick was hypocritical refine ment of sensitiveness. To draw my self up haughtily. to turn on my heel and walk away--that was the stiffness of boy. Still. am glad did both these absurd things. When I told my mother how had ruined myself in politics she began to cry-and tears were not her habit. Then she got my fathers picture and kissed 1t and talked to 1t about me just aa if he were thero with us: and for a tims [ felt tbst l was of heroic stat. ure.
 But as the days passed. with no lxurels in the form of cases and fees. and as clients left me through fear of Dominiex's rower. shriyeled back to human size and descended from my pedestal. From the ground-level begas again to look about the mat. teT-sf fart world. saw I was making only . first