davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
lFrom the Chicago News.1


No man is totally bad and no woman is
totally good.
Even respectable people. like good
weather are often talked about.
girl may be as pretty as q picture
but some pictures are fierce
II love would only remain blind after
narriage-but what's the use!
House painters and novelists are re-
sponsible for some highly colored stories.
The average man Is dissatisfied either
with what he has or with what he hasn't.
Be sure you get round-trip ticket
when you take a trip on merry-go-
round. .>.-
A business woman should never propose
to man who can't cook or sew on but
tons.
woman always imagines she is chart
table when she let's her husband have his
own way
You cannot please everybody and no
man knows 1t better than preacher in a
small town.
After a man has one foot in the grave 1t
doesn't take him very. long to get there
with both feet.
A woman can never understand why
callers invariably drop in when she Isn't
dressed to receive them.
Doubtless the way of the transsressor
may be hard, but the people who travel
thereon have no time to get lonesome.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14
MAUDIE UP-ro-DATE.

MAUDIE UP-TO-DATE.
Maui Muller on a summers day
Got out the muck rake for fray.
She ran the rake across John d.
And chased that worthy up tree.
She whirled 1t deft1y fore and aft
And raked the meat from William Taft.
She even took q whack at Ted
And peeled the scalp from off his head.
She raked up Jonah and the whale
And left them labeled big Fish Tale"
She tripped on back to Rameses,
And mucked the skin from of his knees.
She hammered Bryan with a thud
And raked away till he ran blood.
Methuselah she captured late
And killed him Off at "forty-eight."
She raked up Mr.. Samson's past
And showed that he was weakly cast
And when the judge came riding by
She damned the muck rake In his eye
Her muck rake's working neatly yet;
She hasn't overlooked bet.
And it's pipe. unless you've ducked,
The odds are good that you've been
'mucked''.
And II you haven't yet, beware
For Maudie's muck rakes everywhere
Nashville Tennesseean.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14
GLOBE SIGHTS.

GFrom the Atchison Globel
How important some little things
seem to some men!
If you crowd friendship too much,
you will find the limit.
| Don't expect satisfactory Job
when you hire a cheap man.
! When we meet some people, we feel
the need of word meaning more
Ethan Crank"
A married man comes nearer real
izing how mean he is than does a man
who is single.
1t is bold soldier, who when ad-
dressed as Colonel" says he is not
Colonel, and never was.
| Any man can bring a smile to the
faces of the women he knows: Just
let him boast that he is free"
When a woman has company she
looks at her friends as much as to
say: "What are YOU going to do to
help me entertain them?"
A hint to our fat sisters: Dust up
place on the carpet and then roll in
it, This is said to be the latest method
for reducing flesh.
How slow some people are to learnt
Some men at forty have never heard
that it is not only impolite to eat with
a knife, but that a fork is better In
every way.
The style in women this winter is to
be thin; also the style in fruit pies.
fruit pie this winter will be as thin ,
as II 1t had practiced anti-fat move
ments all summer
We have decided not to get an auto
mobile until we get to heaven. In
heaven, automobiles are always In or
der. No farmers teams to scare at:
no tire troubles; roads perfect; no
hills; no limit to speed.
An Atchison man has been repeat
eddy invited to visit a friend in the
III.
mans invitation" the wife says, sis
good only in one house in twenty.
won't go until the mans wife invites
u.s.
They say H. c. Roloff. young man
living northwest OF town, never kissed
kisses one. he's going to be the worst
man that ever lived In
this world. Not near az much in kiss
ing as Roloff probably thinks there IL.
While 1t is not proper to accept q
mans invitation to his home unless
his wife joins in the invitation. 1t is
proper to accept a wife's invitation
without the husband Joining in. The
man pays the bills, but II his wife
knows her business, she runs her hus-
band. her home. herschiidren, and her
we know a certain worthless man
who is always Ioafing on the street>
He never amounted to anything in his
life, and he never will. He isn't worth
he powder that would be necessary
70 blow him up. He is always talking
Reform, and as we passed him this
we heard him say: I'm will
ng to admit that the railroads have
lone SOME good" This confession
must have cost him tremendous eff
'ort, but he made It,
Harvey Briefly, who is about to be
married, does not object to an an
of his engagement but
he woman he Is to marry, when call
ID by telephone about her approach
marriage, was impudent and rude.
Therefore, when Harvey marries. we
hall mention him kindly. and leave
he fool woman out OF It, except to
regret that he didn't ind q
wife of good breeding and sense.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
[From the New York Press.1

(From the New York Press.1
In these days they sugar-coat the cate
chism as well as liver pills.
Either criminal that gets caught is in
Jail he runs corporation
When you see woman having a good
time out in the rain it's her own COM
plexion.
A girl bushes when you kiss her be-
you do.
Heaven win be very satisfactory place
for women II the fashions there suit both
the fat and the thin
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

If Mr.. Haskell runs for governor
Will 1t be on his record as warden of
the penitentiary or as the senator
from the Smith county? It is feared
that he couldn't get very far on the
latter, but as warden he might make
q pretty fair race.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

1t is said that there is a notable de-
crease in the number of statesmen who
drift into Washington when CONGRESS
is not in session. since Interstate rail-
road passes have been abolished. Like
wise it may be expected that Topeka
will not see so many state politicians
now that trip passes have been cut off.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

China can not be blamed for send
ing Mr.. WI back to Washington as it's
minister. China has reached an era
when 1T is likely to want to find out a
good many things and the way to find
out is to ask questions WI is the
right man to put on the job, all right
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

Whether there is a direct primary
next year or not, the fact is emphasized
by the Scandal Journal that no nomi-
nation will be made because some man
can secure lot of railroad passes The
pass will be out of style in politics
next
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

Will "The Winning of the South" or.
Down the Mississippi" be the next
volume to be issued in the series of
literary works that come from the
White House.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14
HUMOR OF THE Day

Consolation Overdone.-"Oh, yes, shfr
is disappointed that she has no children1
but I said to her: My dear, be coh-
soled- After all, you can never be sure
beforehand how child will turn out.
and If you had had a boy, how do you
know that ne would not have grown up
t. to be the kind of creature that brings
lighted cigars into the street cars?'
But at that she tainted. and I knew
that 1 had overdone it"-Life.
said the tenderfoot, ito see your beau
tiful sunset" Somebody's been string
in you, stranger" replied Arizona Al.
1T amt mine."-Chicago Record-Her-
aid.
did you notice about tn Joke me
brother Tim played on wan av thin
ehauffeurs?" Il heard a turrihle thing
happened to him. Poor limit Poor
Tim tn divvle! He had a shticlx av din
Mantle in his pocket whin he wor run
over.'-Judge.
Nice.-"There's one unmistakable sign
of gentleman, and that IL that he
keeps his hands clean" Kidder-"But
sometimes 1t isn't possible for a gen.
fie man to keep his n n7in clean. Nov.
he's not gentleman if" Kidder-
But this man employs $50 of them IN
his factory" Pres
New Laws.-"The pure and the high
go together Invariably, in the case
of foods."-washington Herald.
Harduppe-Say, old man, do you real
ly believe there is such thing as hard
luck? Cynicusse-Certainly; otherwise
how Is it that whenever have ave doll
lars in my pocket / happen to meet
you?-Wall Street Bulls and Bears.
He-so you insist in breaking OF the en-
she-Most decidedly What do you take
HeNoh, about 40. Better think it over;
it may be your last chance.-Harpers
Weekly.
There's one great trouble about this
aWhat's th et9?speri'y'
Keeps everybody broke living UP to
it. "-Houston Chronicle.
Mrs. Outertown-I think you worked for
me once before. Can you recall?
likely. It's SIGH bother layin' out new
routes concluded to use wan av me ovid
vans this thrip.-Exchange.
II suppose you have taken a great deal
Of pride in your farm 2"
was as proud as any man can be when
bought this farm. I don't expect to be
that Iy proud d., but +, once more in my life"
when 1 succeed in selling it."-wash-
ington Star.
Nan (simpering)-Harold proposed last
night.
Fan-Yes; 1 wasn't going to say any
thing about It. How did you find 1t out?
Chicago Tribune.
Scribbington-I think TIL write a sonnet
to Miss Pechis.
wise-Now. don't you do it. 1t may
turn her against you.
scribbington-why. thought she liked
poetry.
Wise-So she observation-disclosures Press.
II am sick to death of everything" said
the society woman, Lets spend this ev-
ening where we've never spent one be-
fore"
Agreed! said her husband. Shall we
try home or church,"
Church she replied, sighing.-Judge.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

While Gladys VANDERBILT is going 10
Europe to marry count, thousands of
nice European girls are coming to this
country to find an American Prince.
This country will more than play even.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

Gradually the list of those "men-
toned" for the Republican guberna-
torial nomination is being heightened
to include most of the party. 1t may
be your turn next
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

The Republican state convention in
Massachusetts wants a special session
of congress to consider tariff revision.
The demand for the removal of the
tariff from many articles is not con-
fined to the west
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

Luther Burbank's invention of a
spineless cactus wasn't so great after
all. Spineless public officials have
been common for many years.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

It's about time for news of the
turkey trust to be given out. Thanks
giving is only six weeks off,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

Up at Clay Center the Times nomi-
mates George Hanna for permanent
mayor of the town. And it has been
only few years since the Times could
not fight Mayor Hanna hard enough,
because he was a Populist
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

What's the matter with those Louisi-
ana guides? Didn't they herd the
bears around in the neighborhood of
the presidential camp? Here a whole
week passed without the president
killing a beari
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

In addition to having that murder
charge hanging over his head, Harry
Thaw is unfortunate enough to own
zoo shares of Standard Oil stock and
will have to pay his share of that
5000, 900 fine.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

1t is said that the District of Col
umbia is liable to go dry" If it does.
1t is feared that it will be difficult to
keep a quorum in congress
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

A new combine OF southern canning
concerns has been formed Does this
mean canned peach trust also?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

While Walter Wellman has not vet
discovered the North Pole, the captain
or that Ohio river steamboat has dis
covered the Big Stick
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

1t is feared the news from Los An
geles that the Santa Fe has been
found out in giving rebates may make
Mr.. Ripley even more gloomy.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

1t is said that people in Italy can
not understand our system of govern
ment. We are not always sure that
We understand it ourselves.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

Now that the pure food law is in
force, what will be the effect on the
packages of -four full quarts for
81 207O
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS.

The State Journal is a member Of the
Associated Press and receives the full day
sanitation for the exclusive afternoon
Publication in Topeka
The news is received in The Stste Jour
nal building over wires for thig cole DUR
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

Now that Mr.. WI has returned
from China, Mr.. Jerome may have to
surrender the belt as the champion
question asker
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14
KANSAS COMMENT
SAME OLD TALK.

George p. Williams, an inspector rep
Iesentlng Charles e. Eldridge, of Tope-
IA, VINO makes our insurance rates, was
IN town most of last week investigating
the business buildings of Sabetha- the
Inspector said many of the business
buildings in Sabetha were in very bad
pnysicaf' condition. He said walls
We're too light; there was much brick
veneer construction, too much galvan-
lied iron covering, etc. AS a reporter.
we nave written this same old story re-
garoing other towns we have lived in
Inc inspector Is always shocked at con-
dltlons as ne finds them, and IS usually
shocked at the local agents for writing
insurance at such low rates. The agent
who visited Sabetha said. 'Oh, if the
town only had a waterworks system,
what reduction in rates we would
get" In the last town we lived in,
there was splendid waterworks sys-.
tenn. Therefore the inspector, when ne
appeared, said +Oh IL the town only
The town bought an aerial hook and
Ladder truck, and the last we heard, the
town had had it four years without ever
using it. 1t cost three or four thousand
dollars. Williams said last week that
there had been a good deal of complaint
about high rates in Sabetha, and it was
hoped that his report would make rates
lower in some cases. AS matter OF
fact Sabetha got wonderfully low in
surance rates during the local fight
disaster brought the rates up, and 1t Is
only natural that 1t WORCESTERSHIRE
Herald.
MORE TESTIMONY.
Congressman D. r. Anthony Is out
with an open letter to the politicians of
the state, advocating the nomination OF
all officials next year by direct prl-
tempts to answer him. taking the posi-
ton that it would cost too much, and
giving figures to show that primary
election would cost s45.980. His first
item of cost is 81 $50 for publication or
notices in Republican papers Since
when have Republican papers charged
for publishing notices of conventions
and primaries? Never. Cut that item
out. He has $2.200 charged for setting
Up and preparing booths. Cut that out,
also the $27, 900 for pay for judges and
clerks of election. There are plenty of
now just as there has been
In the past. This cuts the probable cost
down to $4,000 which sum divided |
among the candidates for state officers, |
United States senator and the hundreds |
Of candidates for county and township |
offices throughout the state will not |
even a poor man.-Scandia |
Journal.
GOING SOME.
It's an old story, but not at all |
bad one, that of the darkey who was
The victim of joke in a cemetery. A
friend wrapped sheet about himself /
and accosted the darkey as the latter |
vas passing through burying ground.
rhe darkey ran and lodged about the
until exhausted, when he |
sank upon a monument base. The joker
,ame upon him and whispered in his
Ear, Sam, we was goin' some" Eyes,
,ah, Mr.. Ghost, responded Sam. And
when I get my BRET. we're goin' some
nore." Kansas in the days of the g.
49, %11ol
lew low rate it is "goin' some more."-
Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

The presidential bear hunt appears
10 have resulted In a goose egg for the
visiting team in the first inning.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14
HOW OLD IS ANN ?

Annie Besant's declaration that she
remembers previous existences threat
ems to revive the question, How old is
Ann ?"-Detroit News
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14
THE BoSToN AND MAINE.

GOV. Floyd OF New ddnpsHIre de-
clares his state is the best governed in
the Union and the Boston and Maine
railroad bushes with pleasure
Brooklyn Standard Union.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14
ANOTHER NSTURE FAKE.

And a flying Fish was seen at Oys-
ter Bay, but Loeb wouldn't give away
any observation-disclosures Constitu-
ton. %
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14
KNOWS HnW IT I,

Fairbanks can now understand how
Blaine felt when lot of preachers got
mixed up in politfcs.-Detroft News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

and devour an entire lemon pie. has
never been -(Copyrighted.
1907, by M. M. Cunningham.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14
A TIP.

The Hague peace conference might
learn lesson by watching how Taft
does ft.-Tcledo Blade.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

HAD NOT THOUGHT OF 1T.
1t will irritate Poultney Bigelow to
learn that the Panama canal is too
narrow. He had not thought of that.
Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14
GOING SOME.
AGREES WITH HEARST.

Hearst says hes Can ''concelVe OF no
circumstances under which he would
accept the nomin alton to the presi-
dency" We don't see how he could
either-Wichita Beacon
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14
TIRED OF WAITING

North pole is said by scientih
sharps to be moving south. Perhaps
is looking for Peary and Wellman.-
New York Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14
Draws the Crowd.

"I must confess" growls the dis
satisfied tourist, "that I can't see why
so many people want to come here.
No scenery, no amusements, no good
things to eat-absolutely no attrac-
tions!"
"Ah, signor" said the innkeeper,
s'zey come because we ave re gran
label to stick on re luggage. "-Suc-
cess Magazine.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

New Laws.-"The pure and the high
go together" Invariably, in the case
of oods."-Washington Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

Harduppe-Say, old man, do you real
ly believe there is such a thing as hard
luck? Cynicusse-Certainly; otherwise
how is it that whenever 1 have ave doll
lars in my pocket 1 happen to meet
you?-Wall Street Bulls and Bears.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14
FINDING A CUSTOMER.

1t will be time enough to talk about
selling the Philippines when we have
licked some country into such a state
of helplessn ess that it will not be able
to refuse to buy.-Houston Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14
FRON OTHER PENS
rom NoRToN's RISE.

A story was told in the Times of
Friday that should be read by all who
are inclined to take a pessimistic
view of the opportunities for young
men to get along in the world now
adays. An account was given of
young man, who, fifteen years ago,
was a reporter on Kansas City paper,
doing some editorial writing occasion
ally. He took up the study of law,
and went to Chicago, where nine years
ago, he obtained a minor position in
the general solicitors Office of the
Santa Fee Railroad company. A couple
Of years later he was sent to the office
of the railroad company in Los
Angeles. This week he received noti-
f1cation that he had been appointed
general attorney of the Atchison, To-
peka & Santa Fee railroad system, with
headquarters in Chicago, and a salary
Of $4,000 a year.
What this young man has done
others may do. There is room, not
only at the top, but all the way up,
for those who are not only amDitlous,
but determined and persevering. You
may be quite sure, however, that this
Young man did not belong to the class
that sits around in public resorts,
cursing their luck damning the rich
and successful and declaring that the
whole country is going, post-haste. to
the demnition bow-wows.-Los An
geles Times.
HAD A PROSPEROUS SUM MEX.
In addition to the hay he got in"
at Oyster Bay, Mr.. Roosevelt also har-
vested large crop of magazine artt-
cles.-Baltimore Sun.
FINDING A CUSTOMER.
1t will be time enough to talk about
selling the Philippines when we have
licked some country into such a state
of helplessness that it Will not be able
to refuse to buy.--EIouston Post.
TIRED OF WAITING.
North pole is said by scientific
sharps to be moving south. Perhaps 1t
is looking for Peary and Wellman--
New York Herald.
ANOTHER NATURE FAKE.
And a flying Fish was seen at Oys-
any Observation-Disclosures Constitu-
ton. %
THE BOSTON AND MAINE.
Gov. Floyd of New Hampshire de-
clares his state is the best governed in
the Union, and the Boston and Maine
railroad bushes with pleasure
Brooklyn Standard Union.
HAD NOT THOUGHT OF 1T.
1t will irritate Poultney Bigelow to
learn that the Panama canal is too
narrow. He had not thought of that.
Chicago Tribune.
HOW OLD IS ANN?
nr1In a Ia raf fnYr Sh
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

There's one great trouble about this
unparalleled prosperity"
Whats that7"
Keeps everybody broke living UP to
it."-Houston Chronicle.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

gagement?
she-Most decidedly. What do you take
for?
He-Oh, about 40. Better think 1t over;
it may be your last chance.-Harper
Weekly.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

did you notice about tn Joke me
brother Tim played on wan av thin
chauffeurs?" 81 heard a turrible thing
happened to him. Poor Timi's Poor
Tim tn divvle! He had a shticIx av din
Mantle in his pocket whin he wor run
over."-Judge.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

Mrs. Outertown-I think you worked for
me once before. Can you recall?
The New York Cook-Shure, IL amt I'M
likely. It's SIGH a bother layin' out new
routes concluded to use wan av me ovid
vans this thrip.-Exchange.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

Nice.-"There's one unmistakable sign
of gentleman, and that IL that he
keeps his hands clean" Kiddef-"But
sometimes 1t isn't possible for a gen.
tleman to keep his hands clean. Now,
1 know one" Nice-Nevertheless
he's not a gentleman if" Kidder-
But this man employs ESQ OF them IN
his factory. Preeg.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

II suppose you have taken a great deal
of pride in your farm"
Yes" answered Farmer Corntossel Il
was as proud any man can be when
bought this farm. 1 don't expect to be
that proud but once more in my life"
when will that be?'
when 1 succeed in selling it."-Wash-
ingtOn Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-10-14

Il have come all the way out here"
said the tenderfoot, ''to see your beau
tiful sunset" Somebody's been string
in you, stranger" replied Arizona Al.
1T amt mine."-Chicago Record-Her-
aid.