The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-03-29
GOOD
Short tStoriss
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Oliver Herford. who is equally fa-
nous as a poet, illustrator and bril-
liant wit. was entertaining four mag
azine editors at luncheon when the bell
rang, and a maid entered with the
mail. "Ah," said an editor. IAN epis-
tle." mo-" said Mr.. Herford. tearing
open the envelope-''not an eplstle,
collect"
Walking about his estate Mr.. Dives
halted laborer who was digging a
drain, and solemnly inquired If he were
ready to die. The man admitted that
he hadn't thought of passing away just
yet. "But every time l breathe, man
dies" solemnly remarked the million
aire In tones of terrible warning.
"Geew cried the unmoved laborer,
"why don't you chew few cloves?"
"If l go on trial." said the prisoner,
"do l have to sit here and hear all the
hypothetical questions asked by the
lawyers% Certainly" said the judge.
"And hear all the handwriting ex-
perts% ''Of course" "And follow the
reasoning of the chemistry and insan.
ity experts?" 'Very probably" said
the Judge. "Well, then, judge, will
enter my plea" "What is it?" asked
the judge. "Guiltyw
NJ. Deverne was waiting at station
in Ireland for his train. Two Irish
men entered and engaged in the follow
ing conversation: "Sure, Pat, it's down
to Kilmary I've been, on ME way back
now to Fitzpatrick" "Arrah, musha,
Mike, It's meself that's just after COM
ing from being down to Kilkenny,
stopped bit before | 60 down to Kill
Moore" II say, Pat, let us take the
day and go down to Kil-Maule." "Ye
gods," exclaimed the Frenchman, "what
assassins. Would that | were back in
France"
A yellow-halred descendant of the
Vikings walked into the Office Of a
prominent attorney the other day and
said: "Ay want you to make some
papers out. Ay buy farm in Powell
Valley, and ay tank ay want mort
gage" "Why do you want mort
gage" exclaimed the lawyer, "if you
bought the farm? Don't you want a
deed?" mo, ay tank not. Sax years
ago ay buy farm and getta deed and
neder fellar come along with mort.
gage and tax da farm. Ay tank ay
tax a mortgage"
Henry Arthur Jones, the noted En-
glish playwright, was giving the stu
dents of Yale an address on the drama
"Ysur American vernacular Is plctur
esque," he said, "and it should hell
your playwrights to build strong, racy
plays. But neither vernacular nor any
thing else is Of moment if perseverance,
Is lacking. No playwright can succeed
| who is like man | know. | said t
this man, one New Years Day: 'DC
you keep diary, Philip Yes ht
answered. I've kept one for the frs
two weeks In January for the last sew
en- years."
A record-breaker In absent-minded
ness Is certainly Paris citizen, who
appeared the other day before mag
istrate to ask for a marriage license
He answered correctly and withou
hesitation all the questions as to hi'
name, age and occupation, but wher
asked for the name of his finance ht
became embarrassed, and finally replied
dejectedly that he had entirely forgot
ten to ask her for 1t. This, remarks {
Boulevard paper, recalls the distraction
of the famous fable poet, La Fontaine
Meeting one day in salon a youns
man, he was so favorably impressed
by his conversation that he expressed
his admiration for him In the mos
fiattering terms. "But he Is your owl
son!" exclaimed guest, in astonish
ment. as it so?" replied the poet
"then am the more delighted to maxi
his acquaintance"