davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31

They seemed to think it made him re-
spectacle.
but you know what a hand some
folks is for details? Well, the rela-
tives of the late deceased hadn't fig
gered on the local thirst for informa-
ton. They gave Ike a fine funeral
and as peaceful an end as any Dibble
ever had. Ike in death was conven-
tional. Them Dibbles even went as
far as to say that in his last days he
was credit to the name he bore and
that the citizens of his town in Da-
kota felt dreadful bad when he passed
away and the leading stores were
closed when the procession went by.
They had a faint aroma of tale that
come back about Ike once before tell
ing how he came into town shootin'
off fireworks and everybody had to
run for shelter and pull down the
shutters till it was all over. Still. I'm
not the one to begrudge Ike Dibble a
good, bang-up funeral and I hope he
got it,
But dye think Ike rested easy in
the nice, genteel grave the Dibbles
allotted him? should say not. There
was so many rumors you'd a. thought
Ike was war. Everybody had a diff
ferent story and nobody believed he
was dead.
'The Dawsons, who have a son out
west somewheres, claim Rob met Ike
In cigar store in Utah, and Ike told
Rob he was goin' to the mines. Ike
seemed healthy, but as if he'd led a
hard and various life.
Soon comes another society note
that Ike had married a squaw woman
on the reservation and was living like
a lord. This didn't set well on the
Dibbles and they threatened to show
the notice of likes death in the Okla
homa paper. told Oscar Dibble that
the lady might be as good as Ike.
Oscar said he'd defend his dead
cousins memory against all vilifiers.
let it go at that.
"A man from Oregon stopped over
In town, who seemed positive he knew
Ike, and the things he told about him
made me tickled that I was five times
removed from the Dibbles. The Ore
gon Teller said Ike was a fire-eating
rip-snorter and had more funerals to
his credit than any man in the state.
The Dibbles attempted to plaster this
over by saying Ike was in the under
taking business. But that story didn't
catch on, cause everyone knew Ike
wouldn't get himself up in black kid
gloves nohow. Even for business pur-
poses you couldn't make Ike a parlor
ornyment.
The next sound from Ike was when
we heard he was up in a place called
either in California or Min
nesota, somewhere near there. This
time he was said to have settled down
and was working steady, though we
didn't hear what at Which was all
consolin' 10 those interested, but the
only flaw in it all was, this Caliente
Ike, while he answered Ike's descrip-
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31
BABY IN TERRIBLE STATE.
Awful Humor Eating Away Face
Body a Mass of Sores-Cuticura
Cures in Two Weeks.

"My little daughter broke out all
over her body with humor, and we
used everything recommended, but
without results. I called in three doc
tors, but she continued to grow worse.
Her body was mass of sores, and her
little face was being eaten away. Her
ears looked as if they would drop off.
Neighbors advised me to get Cuticura
Soap and Ointment, and before / had
used half of the cake of Soap and box
of Ointment the sores had all healed,
and my little ones face and body were
as clear as newborn babes. l would
not be without it again if it cost five
dollars, instead of seventy-five cents.
Mrs. George J. Steese, FOL Coburn ST.,
Akron, o., Aug. 80, 1905"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31
ADVICE TO VICTIMS
TELLS READERS HOW TO CURE
RHEUMATISM AT HOME.
Directions to Mix Simple Prepare
ton and the Dose to Take-Over-
comes Kidney and Bladder
Trouble Promptly.

There is so much Rheumatism every
where that the following advice by an
eminent authority, who writes for read
ers of large Eastern daily paper, will
be highly appreciated by those who
suffer:
Get from any good pharmacy one
half ounce Fluid Extract Dandelion,
one ounce Compound Kargon, three
ounces of Compound Syrup Sarsapa-
rilla. Shake these we'll in bottle and
take in teaspoonful doses after each
meal and at bedtime; also drink plenty
of good water.
1t is claimed that there are few vic
tins of this dread and torturous dis
ease who will fail to find ready relief
in this simple homemade mixture, and
in most cases a permanent cure is the
result.
This simple recipe is said to strength
en- and cleanse the eliminative tissues
of the Kidneys so that they can filter
and strain from the blood and system
the poisons, acids and waste matter,
which cause not only Rheumatism, but
numerous other diseases. Every man
or woman here who feels that their
kidneys are not healthy and active, or
who suffers from any urinary trouble
whatever, should not hesitate to make
up this mixture, as it is certain to do
much good, and may save you from
much misery and suffering after while.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31

"Speakin' of Arizona, I've never met
q whole family so down on anything
as the DibbIes was on Colorado. They
Just couldn't say anything good of it.
Some one sent Fannie Nbble some
real pretty views of places in Colorado
and the Dibbles wouldn't let her have
'em in her album. Why, they was so
dead set against it I'm surprised they
didn't have brand new flag made for
their pole, cutting out the star that
stood for Colorado. Cousin Ike just
tainted that whole bloomin' state as
far as the Dibbles were concerned.
Colorado to them meant Cousin Ike,
and Cousin Ike meant a whole buryin'
ground full of family skeletons. Oh,
now ] come to think of it, it wasn't
Colorado at ALL 1t was California.
'fIkes people were simply elegant.
I'm distantly connected, about three
times removed, and that's how / come
to know so much about all the inside
details of all Of 'em from Ike down.
Or, aseI should say, from Ike up,
cause Ike was gently admitted to be
the lowest Dibble. Funny how one
member will break over the traces
and shame the life out of all the 9TH
ers, amt it?
He didn't have regard for things
when he was young and to home, and
it was q great relief to all the Dibbles
when Ike cut out and went west. l
thought it wasn't giving the west
square DEAL but from that day on the
Dibbles cut the Pacific coast right off
their list. They seemed to argue that
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31
COUSIN IKE---BLACK SHEEP OF The FAMILY

burnt Pretty soon Ike had so cut
himself adrift from his folks that let
tiers were returned with No such per-
son here in red ink.
Some years later they got a picter
of Ike. 1t just came with no word or
nothin' on it, but it certainly spoke
for itself, that picter! Something pc
culiar about getting your photygraft
taken-you always want to send 'em
to folks you hain't heard OF for years.
Limbers up your remembrances. Yes,
sir, it's second mater to send like
ness of yourself to folks you aren't
on speakin' terms with. Otherwise,
what's the use of havin' fine, ele
CANT picter if your enemies can't see
it an be consumed with envy? The
Dibbles didn't have much to be con-
sumed over in likes case, bu. it was
a melancholy satisfaction for 'em to
gaze at his features, an say. I told
you so! Doesn't he look it? Yes, in
deed. And to think he is or was Dib-
BILE. He was an awful pretty baby,
too. Mother Dibble always said he
was luo pleCClSoC anu p0oI O0n"'Ou
child she had!'
"Old Mis- Dibble always laid every
thing to the time Ike was vaccinated.
Next came tidings Ike was dead.
1t didn't come direct nor backed up
by proofs, but the faith the Dibbles
put in the report was positively disre-
spectful to the dead. said they might
give poor Ike just one little measly
chancst for his life, but Ike was as
dead as a doornail to the Dibbles.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31
A Standard Measure.

After being ten years in the MAX
ing there has just been deposited in
the government standard weights and
measures strong room new standard
yard measure. 1t is made of 80 parts
of platinum and ten of iridium, which
when combined are not upset by
either heat or cold. After the elabor-
ate marking it was submitted to a
number of tests, coming through all
with high honors. Every year of the
next ten years it will be examined.
and if it varies by the millionth part
of an inch it will be consigned to the
rubbish heap, otherwise it will be-
come Standardization News.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31
Not DISCHARGED.

An old Antebellum negro in small
southern town was arrested and
brought before the village magistrate
for drunkenness. He asked for law
yer who had helped him out Of
scrapes before, and the magistrate
sent for the attorney.
The young man came into the little
office, where the usual crowd of spec
tators had gathered, and asked the
old negro: "Well, William, what are
you charged with this timer"
Sadly the ancient darby replied:
"Boss, rs charged wild whisky!"-
Harper's Weekly.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31

say to Ike to turn him from his evil
ways. 1t was torturin' to nice folks
like them to have one-by-their-name
breaking jails and records out west.
They wrote several letters to Ike tell
Ing him if he'd come home they'd give
him place in the store at six dollars
per to start and he could board with
his married sister.
'Of course this must have seemed
a big inducement to anyone who was
having a lot of fun out in Wyoming!
ike was one of the kind that would
rather play than learn his books when
he was little, but they was able to
make out enough of his answer to
know that Ike would be-something
the Dibbles couldn't make out, but
probably a remark popular in Idaho
if he came back. They inferred he
didn't have any longings to see the
scenes of his childhood.
"A spell afterwards they got the
minister to write, too, and It was as
friendly and nice a letter as you'd
wish to read. But no. Ike seemed
possessed to go his own unrighteous
way and they give up all hope of saw
ing the brandon fear they'd all get
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31
TAKE THEM OUT
Or Feed Them Food They Can
Study On.

When a student begins to break
down from lack of the right kind or
food, there are only two things to do;
either take him out of school or feed
him properly on food that will rebuild
the brain and nerve cells. That food
is Grape-Nuts.
A boy writes from Jamestown, N. Y,
saying: "a short time ago 1 got into
a bad condition from overstudy, but
Mother having heard about Grape
Nuts food began to feed me on it. 1t
satisfied my hunger better than any
other food, and the results were mar
velous. l got fleshy like a good fell
low. My usual morning headaches
disappeared, and I found could study
for a long period without feeling the
effects of it.
"My face was pale and thin, but is
now round and has considerable color.
After had been using Grape-Nuts for
about two months I felt like new
boy altogether. I have gained greatly
in strength as well as flesh, and it is
a pleasure to study now that l am
not bothered with my head. passed
all of NV examinations with reason
ably good percentage, extra good in
some of them, and it is Grape-Nuts
that has saved me from years delay
in entering college.
Father and mother have both been
improved by the use of Grape-Nuts.
Mother was troubled with sleepless
nights and got very thin, and looked
care worn. She has gained her nor
NAL strength and looks, and sleeps
well nights There's a Reason"
Read "The Road to Wellville" in
pkgs.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31

anyone or anything or any place that
would have to do with Ike couldn't be
much.
You see, the Dibbles were mighty
self-conscious people, havin' lived
right here in Westville, Conn, in the
same white house for SO many genera
tions. It's a great and respectable
thing to get to be known as the So
and-Sos of Such-a-Place, and the Dib-
bles were.
THE Dibbles' affection for Cousin
Ike must have been well acquainted
with the cat that liked hot soup, but
they certainly took morbid interest
in his antics, because the Dibbles
were born reformers.
"They just swallowed hard every
time they thought of the things they'd
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31

ton to a T, called himself Emanuel
Higginbotham. Still, Ike would be
likely to have changed his name. For
awhile we took comfort thinkin' Ike
was doin' well, and we hoped he'd see
his way clear to come on and bring
his family for visit. The Dibbles
began to allow Ike to inhabit the
earth once more, and even went so
far as to hope they'd like his wife,
which was unbendin' some for Dib-
BILE.
But all this was kicked over pref
ty quick when they heard that Ike
was mixed up in a train Robin cpl
demic. The way they popped him
back to his grave was a caution.
After this they was so sore. on any,
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31
Had Tried Ii.

'You ought to wear glasses. They'll
save your eyes," said his friend.
Muffin in it," contemptuously an
swered Bill de Bruiser. IT fought dey
would meself wunst, an 1 put on a
pair when 1 heerd big chap wuz lay
in fur me. It's agin de law, We know,
to hit a man wild glasses on i'm.
Well, sir, de big chap happened along.
He reached over, lifted dem glasses
off me face, an den he bunged me
eyes up, good an proper"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31
PROTECTING His MAGAZINES,

"While waiting at the doctors the
other day, l picked up a magazine
from his table to pass the time" said
the man who observes things. Cali
through the book, on nearly every
other page was stamped his name,
and it so irritated me that 1 spoke
to him about it.
eff I didn't fill that magazine up
with my name,' he said, it wouldn't
last ten minutes in this place. Some
body would be sure to carry it away.
Even as it is, lose one every little
WHILE"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31
An Ambition.

$50 you want to become an ambas-
sador," exclaimed the man of power.
YES" replied the opulent person.
Il thought you were devoted to your
automobile. When did you become in
terested in diplomacy"
I'm not especially interested in
diplomacy. What l want is to get
some position where I'll have govern
ment protection against arrest for
violating the speed regulation"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31
Mail hv Skvrockets.

The most remarkable method of de-
livering letters doubtless is that en-
ployed by the steamers passing is
lands of the Tonga group in the Pa
cific. On account of many reefs land
ing is extremely dangerous and the
few letters to be delivered are at
tached to large skyrockets, which are
fired and reach the shore in safety.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31
Cafarrh cannof Re Cured

the seat of the disease Catarrh blood or consti-
tutional disease and in order to It you take
internal remedies Halls Catarrh Cure is taken In
ternally, and acts directly the blood and mucous
surfaces. Halls Catarrh Cure is not a quack medi-
cine. 1t prescribed by of the best physicians
In this country for years and is regular prescription
1t Is composed OF the best tonics known, combined
mucous surfaces The perfect combination of the
two ingredients is what produces such wonderful re-
suits In curing catarrh. Send for tnstmonias Free
F. j. CHENEY & CO., rrops., Toledo O.
Sold by Druggists, price 75c.
Take Halls Family Pills for constipation.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31

back hurt me ter
ribly, I had sharp,
S h o o tt n g pains,
changing to a dull,
d r a g g i n 6 ache. 1
could not stand for
any length of time
and my back hurt
me when / sat down.
My feet and ankles
were badly swollen
every evening, and
my stomach was out
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31
Double Protection.

ct WISH" lady recently said to her
husband with what Punch discreetly
terms considerable emphasis" Il
wish you wouldn't always sit on the
piano-stool when we have company.
Everybody knows you can't play a
note"
Neither can anybody else when I'm
sitting there" returned the sage
Youths Companion.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31
A Simple Method.

"How do you make the distinction
between popular and classical
music?" asked the very young man.
ooh, that's easy" answered the dis
penser of homegrown philosophy.
tits popular if I enjoy it and it's
classical if I don't"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31
CLARA {. DARMSTADTERI

sideache, and my feet were so sore could
hardly stand l took two bottles of Lydia e.
Pinkhams Vegetable Compound when my
periods were established and now | am
perfectly we'll Mama says she won't be
without your medicine in the house. l have
told one girl what Lydia e. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound has done for me
and she is taking it now"
Miss Clara e. Darmstadter, of 453
Breckenridge St. Buffalo, NY, writes:
Dear Mrs. Pinkham:-
''For about year, except during the past
few months, ] suffered with severe pains
every month, with backaches and headaches
/ had the blues so bad that l was in despair.
It is pleasure to tell you that Lydia E.
Pinkhams Vegetable Compound has cured
me. The c1ange in my appearance is Won
derful and ] desire that this good may come
to every sufferer. Any one desiring to know
further details may write to me and l shall
be glad to give them.''
If you know of any young girl who
is sick and needs motherly advice,
ask her to address Mrs. Pinkham, at
Lynn, Mass, and tell her every detail
of her symptoms, and to keep nothing
back. She will receive advice abso-
lutely free, from q source that has no
rival in the experience of woman's
ills, and it will, if followed, put her
on the right road to a strong, healthy
and happy womanhood.
Lydia e. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound made from native roots
and herbs cures where others fail.
! record of actual cures of female
ing in every part of the United
the wonderful virtue of Lydia
I'd and what it has done for them.
a. :, VnJo...o~ec Raooodv, fo~ VHJo.~.nmSo $50
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31
Precise peuree of Intimacv.

Nan-Young Mr.. Ketchley is away
on his vacation, isn't he? Are you
and he on corresponding terms?
Fan--Not quite-but we're on pic
ture postcard terms.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31

FITS, st. Vitus Dance and all Nervous
Great Nerve Restorer. Send for Free $500
trial bottle and treatise. DR.. r. III. Kline,
Id, 93l Arch St., Philadelphia, Pa.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31
EVERYTHING Bad.


A prominent planter recently had
occasion to visit some of his holdings
in southern Arkansas. The land was
situated several miles from a railroad,
and it was necessary to finish the
journey in a buggy. So he took a
friend with him and started out.
After traversing several miles of
sparsely settled country, they came
upon a farmer blowing corn on the
side of a hill. The planter, wishing
to appear civil to his neighbors,
stopped his horse and yelled at the
man, who came to the fence, hopping
his face with red bandana.
Good morning"
'Mornin', misteri"
'You live here, l suppose?"
"Yep."
Flows crops?"
"Fair to middlin'.'
That's a bad hill you're blowing"
II know it. Bad boss, pullin' tn
plow, bad plow bad everything"
"Why, you talk like you were the
poorest man in Arkansas laughed the
planter.
81 amt, though" was the response,
as the young fellow smiled good
naturally. Another Teller owns half
O. this crop"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31

of order. Doan's Kidney Pills cured
me of these troubles in 1902, and for
five years / have had no return"
All dealers. so cents a box. Eos
ter-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31
Their Natural Place.

Don't you believe balloon inven-
tors are visionary people?"
''Well, 1 must say, that as a rule,
they are usually up in the air.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31
Cream and Poultry.

Top prices, quick returns, square deal.
Ship to us to-day. Write for tags & prices.
r. E. COBB, st. Paul, MINI.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31

When married man doesn't find
fault with his breakfast it's a sign
that his wife is away from home.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31

There is nothing more unsatisfac-
tory than an unkissed kiss.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31

If man sleeps in church he doesn't
necessarily dream of heaven.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31

No man is as dangerous as he
thinks some woman thinks he is.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31
ELLEN M. OIL SON

The responsibility for daughters
future largely rests with the mother.
The right influence and the infor-
nation which is of vital interest to
the daughter impaired at the proper
time has not only saved the life but
insured the success of many beau
tiful girl.
When girls thoughts become
sluggish. with headache, dizziness or
a disposition to sleep, pains in back
or lower limbs, eyes dim, desire for
solitude; when she is mystery to
herself and friends, her mother
should come to her aid, and remem-
Der that Lydia e. Pinkham'S Veges
liable Compound, made from native
roots and herbs, will at this time
prepare the system for the coming
change, and start this trying period
in a young girls life without pain
or irregularities. 1t has been thus
depended upon for two generations.
Hundreds of letters from young
girls and their mothers, expressing
gratitude for what Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound has done
for them, are constantly being re-
ceived.
Miss Ellen M. Olson, of Az N. East
St., Kewanee, Ill. writeS:-
Dear Mrs. Pinkham:-
CT have had the best doctors in our town
for my sickness and they all thought that
an operation was necessary. Ihad headache,
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31

A shut mouth keeps one out of
strife.-POrtuguese
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31
BACK GAVE OUT.
A Typical Case of Kidney Trouble and
Typical Cure.

Mrs. Chloe Page of $40 S. Pitt
Street, Alexandria, Va, says: MY
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31
We Paw TOP Price for Cream.

Cash every day. Write for prices and
tags. Miller & Holmes. St. Paul. MINI.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31

McMurray's Vanilla
Worth a dollar a drop, sold by all Gro
IL at a low price.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31

Precipitate counsel, perilous deed
Danish.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31
High Cream Prices.

Write us to-day for particulars and tags
MILTON DAIRY CO., St. Paul. MINI.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31
We Want Your Cream.

Write to-day for tags and prices. Nortl
Star Creamery Co., Minneapolis, Mimi.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31

Important to Mothers.
Examine carefully every bottle of CASTORIA,
safe and sure remedy for infants and children,
and see that it
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1907-10-31

The Cherry-You are apt to regret
digging up a cat or a man that's
passed on.
Copyright, 1907. by W. c. Chapman.)