The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1907-01-17

Gun DanN4lIe munster is an optlNlSt.
His wife, on the other hand, is q peSsi-
mist. She said TO him one night:
George, what do you think they're
saying about the butchers Wife,
"'Oh, nothing very bad, l hope said
""They say declared the lady. that
they can tell when she's going to nave
company by her washing the children's
faces. Now you're a great optimist,
George, but what q you hope for a
woman like that?'
WELL said the minister, smiling, Z
suppose all we can hope for is that she
entertains a good DEAL"
In Case OF Fire.
A Germantown man was talking
about the famous DR.. Henry Van Dyke
of Princeton.
when Van Dyke was 6. little chap"
he said, Il went to school with him.
Zone day, before school closed for
the Christmas holidays, we expected a
visit from a certain director. This di-
rector always questioned the children
about one thing-namely, what they'd
do in case of fire. So the teacher
coached US all in the morning before
he came, preparing us finely on the
course to be taken if fire should break
out.
We'll. sure enough the director called
but when he got up to address is he
said:
TT is good to be here at this jolly
Christmas season among so many,
rosy, smiling young faces. You are
a very bright lot Of children, and +
wonder what o would do if I were to-
make you a speech on the best way to
celebrate Christmas
"Quick as a flash young Van Dyke
piped out
Form in single file and march out
quickly
A Spoiled Nature.
Luther Burbank showed last month
to the students of Stanford university
an apple that was sweet on one side
and sour OF the other.
This apple shows u.s." Mr.. Burbank
said, "how different treatments will
vironment causes the most radical
changes"
He smiled.
LAS in apples so in men, he said.
There used to live in Santa Rosa a.
good, kind man, but unfortunately he
an changed his nature.
"One morning after his wife had
called him a good for nothing loafer
n snatched his breakfast away, he
started off hungry, and sore, for work
"a soul looking entered the
N@A ~ "1o ~. DiiS 6ol iilo q NIOlGIll
dispute with the conductor over her
change. Finally, red with rage. she
looked about her and said:
Is there a gentleman in this car
who will stand by and see a lady in
sulted?'
"The hungry man whose nature had
been spoiled rose eagerly.
Yes, madam he said, I Will"
-
He Didn't Draw.
Sir William Perkins, the inventor OF
mauve 1ye, said at a dinner given in
his homo at Delmonico's by the chem
lists of New York:
Chemists, in their search after new
things. have a sorry time. When sue
cess comes, it is pleasant; but before
success nothing but one disappointment
after another meets the investigator.
SEncouragements but too often turn
out to be really disappointments. for
too many of the students encourage
rlelts are, like the old woman's speech
TO the minister, but discouragements
misunderstood.
You know there was an old minis
ter, a good man. but prosy and dry in
his sermons, who met an aged woman
on the road one day. And his aged
woman, after she had shaken him by
the hand, said heartily:
preach
THANK you,' he said. I wish there
We're more Of your mind. And why,
my good old friend, do you like it when
I preach?'
".Ah, sir she replied, when you
preach I a always get a good seat"
At II. 3. lrving's Expense.
A dramatic critic said In New York
the other night that he got off last
month a good joke at H. B. Irving's
expense.