davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-06
She Thoupht He Was Dead,

Naginnis had been Ill for some time,
and, like a great many invalids, he
was somewhat irritable, and when
things failed to meet his approval the
next unfortunate who came within
range was pretty apt to be reminded
OF it in way far more forcible than
polite. He fingered in this condition
for several weeks, daily growing weak
or, but still holding his own sufficient
" to make things lively and more OF
less interesting for those about him.
Finally one day when the family doc.
tor called he met the long suffering
Mrs. Maginnis coming out Of the sick
room, and, rubbing his hands, he cheer.
lily Remarked: "Ah, good morning, Mrs.
Maginnis! How Is our patient today 2"
TITS dead the poor mon is, Dim
afther thinkln', hivin rist his sowlw
was the resigned reply.
you think he is dead? Don't you
know whether he Is or not? demand.
"a the doctor.
"Not fer shure," responded Mrs. Ma.
ginnls briskly, "but thin he bethrays
tvery symptom Of it. I wint into his
room jist now, an he didn't t'row any.
thing at me!'-London Tit-Bits.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-06

The following, taken from the
Brookston Herald, while it may be
somewhat pointed, just about ex.
presses our opinion of the methods
of the class mentioned:
Admiration alone will not run a
newspaper Sooner or later such
admirers willfnd that the object
of their affections has become wed.
ded to other ways that they do not
admire-in other words, a news.
paper is compelled, in order to live,
to seek the friendship of those who
are not so platonic in their love, but
unite their practical esteem with
sentiment that binds mutual admir-.
alton in other professions. There
are too many men who expect a
newspaper to slave in defense OF
their pet notions and hobbies
advocate their views against the
strongest opposition, and coolly
withhold the business support by
which alone any business can live
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-06
Tsnny,on's cyniclsnn.

Sir We're dc We're was the eldest son
Of Sir Aubrey de We're, the sonneteer
and friend Of Wordsworth. His broth
or, Aubrey de We're, was a more than
we'll known, famous poet, and to
him in his youth Walter Savage Ian
dor addressed the exhortation:
Mako thy proud name still prouder for
thy sons.
He had no sons, however, never hav-
Ing married. Neither had his brothers,
We're and Stephen. Thus the name, as
family name, disappears.
The De Veres were early friends of
Tennyson's, and it was from them
that the poet took the name which he
made proverbial and symbollcal Of a
class-"the caste Of We're de Vere."
Lady de We're, the only Lady de We're
Of fact then living, was inclined to
complain that her name should be be-
slowed upon the black hearted Lady
Clara Of fiction.
Tennyson wrote dainty verses, but
was not master Of dainty manners. He
growled: "Why should you care? But
of course you don't. didn't make
your namesake ugly, and didn't make
her stupid. only made her wicked"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-06
Snuff as Medicine.

"Oh, yes" said the tobacconist, as he
tapped a jar filed with cinnamon col.
ored powder, II sell an ounce or two Of
snuff occasionally-to the Old as a
rule. The young will seldom look at
snuff. And those who do use it i'm.
pute medicinal virtues to It, Thus old
Fashioned watchmakers, gem cutters
and tailors think that pinch of snuff
now and then improves the eyesight.
They think 1t refreshes and fortifies
weary eyes as a cup of tea refreshes
and fortities weary brain. Others
think snuff cures cold Others take
1t for the headache. Others still be.
ueve that 1t wards off contagion. Per.
sonally / believe that snuff taking is
less harmful than smoking. It's effect
too, is pleasanter than the effect OF
smoking-it is most soothing and
fascinating effect once you get used to
it-but the habit is untidy and there
fore it can get no hold upon us in this
aesthetic age."-Los Angeles Times.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-06
JUDGED by Their Cats.

mo, ma'am," said an Irish maid of
much experience as she returned to q
New York intelligence office the other
day II didn't engage with that fam
lily. l didn't like the looks Of their
cat"
'Of their cat!' repeated the owner
Of the Office In amazement. why, Ka-
tie, I'm sure they wouldn't keep cat
that was in any way dangerous"
Not dangerous, no, ma'am, but a
restless, unhappy looking creature that
didn't speak we'll for the family" re-
piled the girl. II always judge fam
lily by their cat--if they have one. A
sleek, comfortable pussy who comes
up and rubs against you means a
quiet. good natured family and one
that's not worrying about ways and
means. but nervous, unfriendly look
ing cat reflects household which Is
ON the verge Of nervous prostration or
financial ruin or some other horrible
trouble
i've been living with families and
studying their cats for twenty-five
years, and I've never known the sign
to fail \ family that can't make its
cat happy is one to make any servant
miserable New York Press.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-06
They Needed tho Medicine.

Some years ago railway was be-
ing made in the west of Scotland, and
It was arranged that each of the nu.
merOus laborers employed should pay
q penny per week to medical prac-
utioner, so that they might have his
services in the event Of accident or
medicine in case of illness.
During the summer and autumn nei-
their illness nor accident occurred.
But when severe winter followed
all at once the "navigators'' began to
call on the doctor for castor oil.
Each brought his bottle, into which
an ounce was poured, until the oil was
exhausted, and the doctor was forced
to send to town for further supply.
When that, too, was getting low the
doctor one day quietly asked a healthy
looking fellow what was wrong with
the men that they required so much
castor oil.
Nothing wrong at all, DOCTOR" he re-
piled, "but we grease our boots with
it."-London Chronicle.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-06
Applying the Test.

"There was a barber in an Indiana
city who, having been out late the
night before, had shaky hand the
next morning and cut patrons cheek
four times" said the man who insist
ed he saw the incident. "After each
accident the barber said as he spong-
ed away the blood, oh, dear me, how
careless! and laughed and let it go at
that
'The patron took all those gashes in
grave silence, but when the shave
was over he filed glass at the water
cooler, took a mouthful of water and,
with compressed lips, proceeded to
shake his head from side to side and
to toss it up and down.
"'What is the matter?' the barber
asked. You amt got the toothache,
have you?
"'No,' said the customer. 4 only
just wanted to see if my mouth would
still hold water without leaking, that
was all. '"-Philadelphia Record.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-06
Another Reason.

An English clergyman visiting in
this country told Of a jiting that had
happened in his parish. He said that
he had an appointment to marry a
couple at on certain afternoon. He
appeared duly, and the bride appeared,
but not the bridegroom. The clergy
man and the lady, silent and embar-
raised, waited in the quiet church
from 4 till 6. Then they sadly depart
ed. A week later the same couple
wrote to the clergyman again, ap-
pointing another afternoon at 4 for
the ceremony. And again the clergy
man and the bride were on hand duly
and again the groom failed to turn up.
As the two waited time passed slowly
in the still and empty church. 1t
grew darker. Five o'clock sounded,
then 6. And then the bride broke the
silence with fierce ejaculation.
"Drat him!' she cried. "'Tain't his
trousers this time, cause I bought
him pair"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-06
Eohn Winds.

The journal of the Meteorological
Society Of Japan contains an account
by Dr. Okada Of the occurrence in Ko-
rea of those remarkable winds which
have been called fohn winds. The
winds to which this name was origi-
nally given are warm winds blowing
down from the snowclad mountains of
Switzerland and producing extensive
MEETINGS OF the snow. They have
hence been called SNOW eaters" The
fohn is essentially Il phenomenon Of
mountainous regions, ana Wonsan, in
Korea. where they have been observed,
Is surrounded except on the east by
high mountains In this region they
are always westerly ana cause ubnor,
mally high temperatures and dryness
Of the air. A similar wind In North
America blowing down from the
Rocky mountains has been called the
chinook. Fohn winds occur also In the
arctic regions. Blowing sometimes In
midwinter they produce a remarkable
climatic paradox AS a result of the
elevation of temperature caused by
them it may happen that northern
Greenland, though In winter darkness.
Is warmer than southern France.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-06
The Daily Pioneer
4Oc per Month
To-day we want to talk to
YOU about EfCatarrh cures"

During the past few months we have
been publishing what some of our good
friends have called heart o-heart talks"
on patent medicines.
That name suits us all right-"heart-
to-heart talks is just what we have
intended. There can't be anything more
serious to sick man or sick woman
than his ailment and the remedies he or
She takes to cure it.
Our talks have been "heart-to-heart."
Every word we have printed has been
written in absolute earnestness and sin
certify, and judging from what our GUS
toners tell us, we have not been talking
in vain. We are convinced that Our
trankness has been appreciated, and that
our suggestions have been welcomed
which naturally encourages us to con-
tinue.
To-day, and perhaps for some time to
come, we want to talk about that big
class of remedies known generally as
''catarrh cures"
Broadly speaking these are the patent
medicines that have been the chief tar
gets for the attacks of the ladies
Home Journal" :Collier's Weekly" and
other magazines which are waging such
a lively warfare against patent medicine
abuses.
AS we have pointed out in previous
talks, it is not our business to pass judg-
ment on the crusade of these we'll
known, highly-respected publications.
The public alone must be the judge and
jury. Our business, as we see it, is to
carry in stock a complete line of patent
medicines, and to sell those medicines at
the lowest possible price.
We sell hundreds-yes, thousands of
bottles of so-ca11ed "catarrh cures" and
know nothing Of their ingredients. The
manufacturers advertise them, the public
demands them; we order them from the
manufacturers, and sell them at the low
est price. That is absolutely as far as
our knowledge goes. The manufacturer
keeps his formula secret. It may be
good, or it may Motive don't know, and
we have no means of finding out.
Naturally, we would rather sell a REM
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-06
Psycholoaically Explained.

Mrs. Flaherty, who earns her living
and maintains two clean little rooms
in an uptown tenement by going out
to do washing and days work, has
been widow for many years, and en-
tertains strong prejudice against
marriage for any but the young. "'Tis
all right at that time O. life," she
maintains, "but not for old people with
gray hairs. Then It's unsuitable and
the height O. foolishness." Holding
these opinions as she does, it was a
severe shock to Mrs. Flaherty to learn
that one of her best customers, a
widow Of threescOre and ten, was
about to be married for the second
time. Almost tearfully she con6ded
her sentiments to another patron.
'Think Of it! Her a-flxin' all them
fine clothes and takin' as much pride
In it as If she was to be bride of
twenty instead Of an old woman that'll
never see seventy again! Why" and
her voice dropped to an awed whis-
per. "at her time O. life I believe it's
the ravin' O. death is on the woman
New York Times.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-06
A Scotch Excuse.

A canny Scot was brought before a
magistrate on the charge of being
drunk and disorderly. what have
you to say for yourself, STRIP demanded
the magistrate. "You look like a re.
spectacle man and ought to be asham-
ed to stand there"
II am vera sorry, sir, but I cam
up In bad company fra GLASGOW"
humbly replied the prisoner.
"What sort of company"
"A lot Of teetotalers" was the star.
thing response.
"Do you mean to say teetotalers are
bad company" Numbered the magis-
trate. Il think they are the best of
company for such as you"
'Beggin' yer pardon, SIR" answered
the prisoner. "ye're wrong; for I had a
bottle Of whusky an I had to drink it
all myself!'-Reynolds' Newspaper.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-06
The Grimmest Epitaph.

What is the most terrible epitaph in
existence? One of the grimmest is
surely that on stone which was set
up few years ago in the cemetery Of
Debrescin, eastern Hungary.
It reads as follows: Here rests in the
Lord Joseph Moritz. ST., who died in
his sixty-second year. He was shot by
his son. Frau Joseph Moritz, who died
in her forty seventh year. She was
shot by her daughter. Elizabeth Mo-
ritz, who died by her own hand in her
seventeenth year after shooting her
mother. Joseph Moriz. who died in
prison, age twenty seven. He had shot
his father. May eternal mercy have
pity on their poor sinful soulsv'
This memorial was erected by To-
cal literary association, to which, it is
said, the last of the i'll starred family
left sum of $500 for the purpose.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-06
SUBSCRIPTION..s5.OO PER ANNUM
RAILWAY IOMElS.

One often wonders dimly where
the railways buy the towels which
they hang up in the Mushrooms of
their stations and trains.
In the golden past it was con-
coded that nothing could make a
more deadly weapon than the print,
ing office towel. A two-year old
printing office towel, we'll stiffened
with ink, would make broad
sword with which deeds of derringdo
might be wrought.
The railroad towel, however, has
distanced the printing. office towel.
The railroad towel is composed OF
twenty feet of wire cloth, with the
ends riveted together and the affair
swung pulleywise over a roller which
will not roll.
1t is harsh to the touch, it is even
cruel. 1t is of an unyielding dis.
position. 1t dehes any breeze to
futter it. And it defes any way.
farer to find a clean or dry spot for
wiping the hands. There are times
in the course of even the most per-
fectly constituted life when people
have to wash their hands in a rail-
way station. Then is when the
towel MARBLES merrily to itself.
Innocent, harmless in appearance,
it will allow the unsuspecting So
journer to apply his hands to it
and then it will relieve him of some
two square feet of cuticle.
1t is said that once petulant
person asked an attache when the
towels were washed.
Wash 'em?" asked the attache,
scornfully. We don't wash 'em.
We paint 'em every spring."
This was sarcasm. After a towel
has hung for year it is used to top
culverts.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-06
Stronu Soup,

In the life of William Stokes. writ.
ten by his son, it is told how Stokes
was sent over to Dublin during the
great famine to show the people how
to make soup. Stokes asked starving
beggar why she did not go and get
some Of the soup that was being freely
distributed.
'Soup, is it, your honor? Sure, 1t
isn't soup at all'' "And what is it,
then?" inquired Stokes. 1T is nothin',
your honor, but quart Of water boiled
down to pint to make it sthrong!"
This Is the soup maigre which Ho-
garth caricatured in his picture of the
French troops at Calais. - London
Standard.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-06
Men Who Help Thieves.

The "rechristener' is the profession
al name Of the man who alters the
names and numbers on stolen watches.
The rechristener is usually clever
engraver who through drink or other
wise has lost the chance Of obtaining
honest employment and aids the re-
ceiver Of stolen property. When a
watch has been stolen the number or
name or other indication Of make or
ownership may be forwarded, to the
police and by them communicated to
paWnbrokers. There is consequently
an element Of risk in attempting to
dispose Of it. There are various ways
Of getting over the difficulty, and re-
christening is one that is frequently
resorted to. The engraver adds or pre-
fixes another figure to the number or
he turns the name 81. Robins" into
1T. ]. Robinson" the extra initial
serving to make the name look level
and central on the watch case. This is
done very cleverly, and the rest Of the
letters or figures are touched up to
make all appear to have been cut at
the same time.-London Standard.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-06
Willis Is BARKING.

Edward Bulwer Lytton Dickens, the
youngest son Of the novelist, emigrat-
ed to Australia and died in Sydney at
the age of fifty-one. He represented a
constituency in the parliament Of New
South Wales for six years. Once when
he was addressing the house in Sgd
ney he was again and again snappish-
" interrupted by member named
Willis. At last Mr.. Dickens stopped
to remark: Mr.. Speaker, my father
coined famous phrase, 'Barkis is
willin'.' Under present circumstances
am strongly tempted to reverse 1t
and say, willis is barking" The
house laughed and the Interruptions
ceased. ....
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-06

edy that we know is right-that we can
back up with all our reputation for hon
esty and square-dealing.
And wouldn't you rather buy that kind
of remedy? Wouldn't you rather hold
us responsible than to hold no one
responsible? We are right here, right
where you can get at us every day in the
week, right where one false move on our
part will bring upon us your condenl-
nation, the loss Of your friendship, your
patronage, your influence. Can we afford
to tell you anything that you will learn
later is not absolutely true?
Are you not safer in taking our word
for the merits of an article, than you are
to rely on the printed statement of pa
tent medicine manufacturer, whom you
never even saw and probably never will?
Common sense most emphatically tells
you that we cannot afford to depart one
hairs breadth from the rigid truth.
None Of us can deny that there is such
a disease known as "catarrh' Those
who have it, or who have had it, know
that it is one of the hardest diseases to
cure.
Perhaps the worst thing about catarrh
is its prevalence. Almost everyone
especially in climate like ours-has
catarrh in some form or another That is
what has made the "catarrh cure bust
ness SO profitable. There are so many
thousands of cases of the disease and it is
SO hard to cure, that the patent medicine
manufacturers have reaped harvest in
preparing remedies that appeal to this
large class of sufferers.
One of the most serious things about
catarrh is that it breaks down the sys-
tenn, so that the sufferer becomes a prey
to other diseases. This fact has led the
proprietors of so many <catarrh cures"
to advertise their remedies as a specific
for almost every disease under the sun.
We have ONE catarrh cure that we
are willing to say to you; 1--WE know
this is all right. Take it home and use it
with the full assurance that if it does not
cure you, you can bring it back to us
and we will promptly refund your
money" That catarrh cure is
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-06
Mixed LIQUORS Barred,

Rory MacSnory was the village
blacksmith and one of the most pow
erful singers in the choir of the kirk
at Auchleucheries. To show of his
voice to full advantage he would vary
his style from bass to alto and from
alto to treble in the same hymn.
The minister had long observed that
Rory's methods were upsetting the gen.
eral melody Of the congregations sing
ing, and at length he resolved to bring
the culprit to book.
flynn 3d." he announced, "and a.
thegither. And, Mr.. MacSnory, If ye're
tae sing tenor, sing tenor, or If ye're
tae sing bass, sing bass, but we'll haze
nae mair O. yer shandygaff!'-Dundee
Advertiser.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-06
power. Genius is that In whose pow
or man is.-I4owell.
First Run on . Bank.

The first run" on banking institu.
lions in London was in 1867 Many
Lombard street goldsmiths and bank
ers had lent out the money intrusted
to them and, being called upon for
payment, were unable to meet the de-
mand. A crowd of creditors and 9TH
ers assembled, and riot followed, in
which four bankers were hanged at
their own doors before order could be
restored and the angry creditors per-
suaded that they were not being
swindled
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-06
Why Is the Ocean SAT-?

The Creator made the ocean salt to
save the land from putrefaction The
winds blow everything offensive and
pestilential Gas far as we allow them
to do the work of boards of healthy
out to sea, where all humors are alb
sorbed by the hungry waters. Salt is
a purifying agent. The ocean is a
great manufacturer. 1t converts every
thing foul into health making ozone
and hands it back to us without
charge. No government label is nee
essary. Stand on the PROV of ship
for three hours day, deep breathing
like an athlete, and your lungs will be
cleaned of everything poisonous. Your
blood will leap through veins and arte
ries. Your heart will be obliged to
thump with renewed force. The tide
is the oceans tongue. 1t comes in
twice day to lick up the foul things
Of the earth and convey them to the
oceans stomach, where they are di-
gested, sailed down, cured and render
ed pure again.-Marine Journal.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-06
The Nurses Part,

''Why do so many people insist OH
having nurses for their children?" ask
ed the motherly woman.
"That is easily explained" answered
the unpleasant man. "A nurse en-.
ables woman to send crying baby
out of her own hearing and let it stay
on the sidewalk to annoy the neigh
bors."- Washington Star.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-06
The Reason.

All sorts and conditions Of men have
excellent reasons for their position in
life. Illustrated Bits tells of tramp
who had no Illusions about the cause
Of his own conditions:
Mrs. Finehealth lat hotel entrance)-
No. I have no money to spare for
you. I do not see why an ablebodied
man like you should go about begging.
Lazy Tramp s'pose, mum, it's fer
about the same reason that healthy
woman like you boards at a hotel, in
stead Of keeping house.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-06
Maxine a Distinction,

"Of course you know something
about that candidates political opin-
ions?'' said the trusty adviser.
Il don't care a rap about his opin'
ions," answered Senator Sorghum.
How are his epigrams Washington
Star.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-06
Feminine NerxAa.

There are nervous women; there are
hypernervous women. But women so
nervous that the continual rustic of
silk skirt makes them nervous-no,
there are no women so nervous as
that!
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-06
Error of opinion may be tolerated
where reason Is left free to combat It.
Jefferson.
Lots of Dearees.

First Professor-That man has been
signally honored by many colleges.
Second Professor should say SO. He
has been given enough degrees to
qualify him for a first class Their.
mometer. Journal.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1907-11-06
RAILWAY POSITIONS

GUARANTEEING want 200 able-boded
young men to take short course of instruc
ton in Telegraphy and Railroading at our
school and for whom we will secure positions
as telegraph Oper ators and agents as soon as
course is. completed. Easy to learn. Good
salary: Write for free Caialog. THOMPSON'S
RAILWAY COLLEGE. Minneapolis MINI.