davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1907-07-25


Little Hubert's mother sent him or
an errand to a neighbor's house. The
servant showed him into pretty re
ception room. He remembered to si1
quietly. Even though he heard fut
tering In the next room-and there
were only curtains between-he did mol
leave his chair to peep, or see what II
was.
But the next minute he had such q
surprise A great, loud, hearty voice
cried, "Why, hello Hubert! So you've
got back again! How do you do! How
do you do! I'm glad to see you! Yes,
that's SO. Whoa, Kitty! Stand still,
whoa; Bow wow-ow! Bowwow-ow
Lie down, Prince! Yes, good dog
Good Princew And then came sound
like the squeaking Of the screen.
A more astonished little boy could
not be found He expected every min
ute to see the master Of the house walk
through the curtain before him, but
there was only the soft futtering sound
uC utu ucdi u DClOlC. was NCiJ hih "a
to sit still. He wanted to go into the
next room and see who it was that was
calling him, and what all the commO-
ton was about; but mother had al
ways told him not to walk about or
to meddle while waiting.
Just then the maid entered the din
ing room to prepare the table for sup
per, making just little bit of noise
with the silver and dishes. Then the
voice cried again, as that pretty good?
l want some want some! Cav!
cav! caw Pretty Poll. Pretty Poll"
And then Hubert knew that it was the
parrot talking all the time.
He wanted to go in more than ever,
but just that moment the maid brought
In the note he was asking for, and he
was obliged to go.
But how did he know my name?" he
asked his mother. ut was just like
Mr.. Gray's voice."
Don't you remember Mr.. Gray's first
name"
mo. Mamma, you always call him
Mr.. Gray"
"Well, It's Hubert, just like yours.
The parrot was just initiating both Mr..
and Mrs. Gray's talk when he drives
out Of the city and the dog runs to
meet him. They say 1t is very funny
to hear the parrot coax for something |
to eat when they are dining. The |
Grays parrot Is wonderful bird. |
Some day we will 60 over and visit him. |
l don't wonder you were surprised,
sitting there all alone. 1t isn't every |
little boy that can have a strange par
rot call him by name as though he
knew him. Youths Companion.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1907-07-25
FOoling a Wolf.

A boy II years old, the son Of q
pioneer In Montana, observed a wolf
Sneaking about one day last January
He took sheep skin and spread II
over low bush in such a way that II
resembled the live animal. and after a
time the wolf made dash for it.
He detected the fraud at once. and
instead OF gallopng away with the
pelt. which would have made a good
dinner for him, he dropped it and
sneaked off with his tail between his
legs. He realized that he had been
made the victim of Joke, and he felt
the same as boy who had been April
fooled
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1907-07-25
A Shrewd Guess.

did Crittick say anything to YOU
about my latest painting?' asked
D'Auber.
Yes replied Cults. "By the way
you must have had it nicely framed
before you showed it to him, didn't
you?"
Yes Why?"
Il thought so, because he said he no.
ticed one artistic feature about it,
Philadelphia Press.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1907-07-25
Salt In Italy.

In Italy the sale of salt is a govern
ment monopoly, its cost in that country
being greater than that of sugar. Every
one therefore uses it very carefully. II
is only for sale in the tobacco shops,
and the privilege of keeping these is
greatly coveted, being sort of sine
cure awarded TO men who in other
countries would receive pension for
services to the government.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1907-07-25
This ExccnIinn.

II have come long way to person
ally offer you some of my humorous
stuff" said the seeiy looking man as
he proffered the manuscript.
but, my dear sir" snapped the edi-
tor, I'VE can't accept any far-fetched
witticlsms." s."-Kansas City Times
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1907-07-25
Ought to Know How,

The animal trainer having been taken
suddenly i'll, his wife reported for duty in
his stead.
Have you ever had any experience in
this line?" asked the owner of the circus
and menagerie, with some doubt.
Not just exactly in this line" she
said, "but my husband manages the beasts
all right doesn't he?"
He certainly does"
well, you ought to see how easy I
manage him.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1907-07-25
The Bursting Shell.

Martin Harvey, opening a cafe chan
tant at Newcastle-on-Tyne, In aid of
the funds Of the Northern Command
Of the Legion of Frontiersmen, told Of
an occasion when general and an ac-
tor were comparing the perils of their
respective callings. How would you
like, sir" said the general, TO stand
here with the shells all burst around
your" "Well," said the actor, that
would depend upon the date Of the
egg
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1907-07-25
g. . c. G
PURELY VEGETABLE


"Did the man act afraid when he
was lynchedY
"How do | know? l am one Of the
leading and most prominent citizens Of
this community, SIR"
That's what thought, and the pa
pers said that the most prominent citi-
zens took part in the lynchng."-
Houston Post.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1907-07-25

Hicks-That poet you introduced me
to last night seems to be very gener-
ous, open-handed fellow.
Wicks-Yes. All his sonnets have
fifteen lines.-Somervill Journal.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1907-07-25
by Compnrison.

by COmDnr1sOn.
What beastly weather you have here ="
exclaimed the stranger.
''Yes. We do sometimes" said the ma
tive. I'VE are fortunate just now, how
ever. in having a succession of fine days"
Fine days? Why, it rains nearly all
the time!' ~
What Of that? They're warm rains.
aren't they?'
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1907-07-25
Shake Into Your Shoes

Aliens Foot-Ease. A powder. 1t makes tigh;
Or new shoes feel easy. 1t is a certain cure fol
sweating, callous and hot, tired, aching feet
Sold by all Druggists. Price 25c. Trial pack
Age mailed FREE. Address Allen S. Olmsted,
Leroy, New York.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1907-07-25

whats this?' says Mr.. Stripes. the
tiger. He walks slowly round. sees his
own reflection In the looking glass,
thinks it's another tiger, and crash,
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1907-07-25

bang, he jumps through the looking
glass. down comes the lid of the box.
and Mr.. Stripes is a prisoner. This is
the way tigers are caught.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1907-07-25

Mothers will find Mrs. winslow's Soothing
eyrup the best remedy to use for their childrel
during the teething period.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1907-07-25

''o mum HN1'hiitSd W III IliuI.
Golden opportunities fly low, but they
90 like lightning.
The language of the heart is not a
language Of words.
| If you would be better looking, be-
gin on the inside.
The fear of evil is generally worse
than the evil itself.
Try to make the world brighter and
you will make yourself better.
The man who always thinks before
he speaks will never say too much.
There is not enough competition in
the work the good Samaritan did.
If you are doing well in a poor place,
you are on your way to a better one
The man who has no money is poor,
but not so poor as the one who has no
character.
The real greatness of the man can
never be measured by the size Of his
monument.
Iudt man is the Irlend or woman lS
proved by the acres Of churns and
washing machines in the Patent Office.
The poet doesn't make poetry. He
just discovers it and helps himself. as
Samson did the honey In the dead lion.
The man who blows into shotgun
to find out whether it is loaded gener-
ally leaves large family and three
dogs.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1907-07-25
REAL ESTATE
EAST GREENAcRES

Inc only tracts on the market where you can
contract TO sell your crop Ten trains 8 day
abundance OF water. Price $4,000 per acre
easy payments-come in or write for particu-
lars.
BEECHER THOMPSON
Spokane. Washfngton IN S,ar...
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1907-07-25
TRUMPET CALLS.
Rams Horn sounds n Warning Note
to the Unredeemed

The peace that
Is unspeakable is
q ] W a y S speaking
for itself.
The man who
lives only for him
self couldn't be In
any smaller busi-
ness.
Some k nc W a
great deal about
Christ without be-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-02-03
Mr. D00ley's Philosophy !.


was amazed to receive almost instantly an effusive dispatch in tn followin' language: Get out iv here or I'll heaye arf brick at ye. Tn Admiral replied: 'Gawd bless ye fir yere kind wurruds. It is a happiness to me to meet ye'er Ixcillincy's approval. It shows that we ar-re bound togither be ties iy com mon brotherhood an tn common lan- guage iv Shakespeare an others. l have tn honor to rapport that tn fleet unaher my command has put up tent, started two grocers in business, an protieted a safe firm bein' robbed.
 "To which Aleck replied heartily: I don't what tn divYle ye mane be a common language, but if ye're not out iv here by noon yell hear some Ian guage that's commoner thin amy iver used be Shakespeare, whoiver he may be. Get out, I say. Chase ye'ersilf Beat 1t to tn deep sea. If ye don't hurry I'll sind a naygur polisman to run ye in. If amy safe was took ye stole yeersilf an have it hid now in wan iv ye'er scows. I've a good mind to go aboard an search ye. Mis'rable Yankee fry, says he. Take tn eastern channel he says. There are rocks there an some sharks, he says.
 Admiral Davis cud not thrust him. silf to a reply in writing. He wint at wanst to call on tn gallant an courte- ous riprisintive iy his Majesty. What passed between th' two envoys iv tn wurruld's powers will niver be known. It was too sacred to be repeated. It is enough to say that whin Admiral Davis come firm tn mansion tn Gov'nor's right eye was black with grief an he carried large an vallyable axe which he was thryin' to presint to tn Ad- miral. Tn Constitution frbids our officers acceptin' preslnts fir doin' their jooty simply an well. That night.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-02-03

can and also renders popular selections on a barrel stave.
 Charles Sharp calls himself a nonsensi- cal musical monologuist and is the orig inator of a single speciality that has made him one of the best drawing cards on all vaudeville circuits He has lot of stories to relate and between times rem ders selections on the trombone and sax aphone, two instruments upon which he is especially proficient. Sharp will be re- membered as the Doodle" of the big musical production "The Burgomaster."
 The Meehans dog troupe consists of eighteen performing canlnes. Every one of the dogs take a part in the show and they do all sorts of difficult tricks, such as high and lofty tumbling, turning som ersaults and handsprings and jumping through hoops. The funniest stunt is the boxing contest between "Fitzsimmons and O'Brien."
 Something new in vaudeville is prom ised by c. w. Williams who has novel ventriloquial act. Mir Williams sketch which he introduces q number of char acters, all talking at the same time and in different ranges of voice. Mr. Will Hams has five persons talking simultan- eously and has the faculty of making each one distinctly understood.
 Delmore and Darrell are two singers and dancers. The male member of the team blacks up in full view of the audi ence and the lady wears some stunning gowns during q session of singing and
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-02-03

Gov'nor. The reciption was charack- teristic iv that old-fashioned good cheer that commerce an tn greed W Americans is desthroyin. Tn Admiral was allowed to stand in tn outside office fir as long time as he wanted. Thin a ruddy, janial face appeared at tn dure an says: James, tell him I've gone away to stay till nineteen hun dherd and eight
 Here, Hinnissy, I'd like to read ye a sketch iv this gr-reat man that has done so much to bind two sister nations in a perfect knot, an to show that, though blood may be thicker thin wataer, heads are thicker still. Sir Aleck Sweatingham was born in Foth- ringham Court Road in tn year eigh- teen thirty-four. He was mimber iv an illusthrees family that had not been out ivy tn parish fir four cinchries. Arly in life he showed traits that marked fr diplomatic career. No wan cud get along with him. At six he kicked a maiden lady who offered him ginger bread; at nine he bit tn parson who thried to make him a prisint iy a dhrum. Such thraits eud not be light ly pushed aside It was clear that he was destined by nature to rule over tn swarthy thribes upon whom alone the sun iv England sets an sets hard.
 While still mere youth he was dis patched to tn Island of Boolooioo, in tn' Iindyan Sea, where he soon made a name fir himsilf be formin tn native Raiabo into a Church jV Fnpland np- finse League. His rise was rapid. First appointed in thirt-four, in sixty three he was promoted to th' Goynor- ship iv tn, popylous Island iv Gazip, in tn Gulf iv Baf; population, 1860, two whites five millyon blacks; salary. two millyon pice (G50.) In rulin' this diff ficult province he made gr-reat repy- tation, which extinded as far as tn
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-02-03

company of four refined singers in pret- ty musical sketch. "A Sage Brush Widow" The Fernando May Duo is a team of European music artists known to all patrons of vaudeville. For the chil- dren the management has Meehan's dogs in clever acts. Delmore and Darnell are a team of versatile singing and dancing artists. The single acts include Charles Sharp, a musical monologuist and C. w. Williams, a ventriloquist.
 Joseph J. Bowling composer and pro- ducer of dozen well known plays, as- sisted by his wife, Myra Davis Bowling, will present a sketch, The Sage Brujh Widow" one of his latest productions. The story is western in atmosphere, the scene being laid in Arizona. The story told is the wish of a widow for western man for her second husband and her re- pudiaton Of the talented college gradu- ate. But the college boy is determined to win her and attired in the typical western costume proceeds to shoot up" things. This exasperates the widow and she turns him down, saying she prefers the "gentleman" suitor. He then re- moves his mask and the audience is left to anticipate what follows.
 The Fernade May Duo style them- selves European musical artists and from the favorable comments on their work in this country and abroad they evidently must be entitled to such a title. They play all sorts of instruments, the banjo, guitar and mandolin predominating. The male member of the due has one act of getting sweet music from an old tomato
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-02-03
-.o.c.o.c.c.c.c.c.c.o.c.c.o.c~oso.o.o.o.c

borders iv Swat. A man iv iron, cold an hard, he inthrajooced hanson cabs fashioned rickshaw; in duced tn Ra- jah to throw away his pagan turban an adopt tn more seemly stovepipe hat; started a muffin bakery. an took steps to abolish plural marredges.
 Fourteen years later still more important honor was lavished on him. Whin tn Govnorship iy Plaguetown, on tn East Coast was made vacant tn last name that occurred to tn Colonyal Office was Aleck Sweatingham, an he was appinted; Afther suryivin' fir iliven years in this arjoos post he was again promoted at tn request iy tn on'y other white man in tn colony. an rayceiyed tn important post iv Goy'nor iv Jamaica, an honor which few achieve an still fewer desire. This completes tn career iY tn great man, which may soon be grounded out be his bein' fired. Anywhere he wint he made frinds where he'd been befure. In all tn counthries where he ruled he left repytation fir janiality an ray pose. At taste, he niyer had it with him whin he showed up at tn new job.
 Tt was this might statesman that our humble Admiral thried to meet. Admiral Davis was overcome be his rayciption. We don't expect our dear cousins to gus hover us. They ar-re more self-contained thin we ar-re. Be hind their rugged chests beat warm an gin-rous hearts, but the find it hard to say annything pleasant without chok- inS an Admiral Davis was surprised as well as charmed be Aleck's greetings. He said he had niver met so polite an Englishman. In his gratichood he landed throps to dhrive nagur prison CTS back into jail, put up awnings on stores, an hitch tn horses to tn sthreet cars in tn annihilated city. He
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-02-03

hearted optimistic soul, seeing every thing through rose-tinted spectacles, ap- pears to have been transplanted from the printed page to the lighted stage without having lost one vestige of her sterling goodness. Madge Carr Cook has been playing the part now for the past three years and in this her fourth season, the threadbare garments seem to fit her bet ter to grow accustomed to her as she grows accustomed to them. In her ex- perience as the portrayer of Mrs Wiggs. Mrs. Cook seems actually to have ab- sorbed enough of that dear souls optim- ism to make her act the part with scarce ly any effort, but certainly with power and perfect grasp
 The homely, wholesome philosophy with the quaint sayings and with an optimism that cannot be subdued under the most depressing circumstances is uplifting and at the same time thoroughly amusing Mrs. Wiggs of the Cabbage Patch" is homely story of humanity and real good ness, honesty and right purpose, With a pardon in sight for every sinner who looks for it. In addition to the character of Mrs. Wiggs the Mis- Hazy of Vfvia Ogden the MT. StubIbtns of Charles Car ter, the Mrs. Eichorn of Helen Raymond. the Mrs Schultz of Anne Fields. are all humorous to a degree. The pathetic role of Lovey Mary is in the capable hands of Edith Taliaferru. There are thirty In the cast and even the goat and "Cuby, the fit horse" bid for popular approval The scenery is not elaborate in the sense
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-02-03
BY F. F. DUNNE

havin' completed their errand iV mercy tn fleet sailed away, an so sthrona was tn feelin' aboard tn ships in tn harbor that not sound issued firm thim Admiral Davis was highly pleased with tn epysode. Those who heerd his comments say he is splendid ly qualified to fill Bob Evans place in tn hearts iv tn American Navy.
 An there ye ar-re. Hinissy; another link forged in th' chain that hooks us up to our Motherland. It is such oc- currences that makes us know that, though a sturdy Briton may be slow in speech, he still cherishes tn propeR feelin to'rd this counthry. Betther th' bluff kick in tn eye thin tn soft an- swer that turneth away our wrath anf tn kick in tn eye aftherward. Aleck has cleared up a good nanny doubts in my mind iV where we sthand. If we're cousins at all, John Schiff an Prisidintl Hadley an I belong to an infeeryoE branch iv tn family an ought to be- threated as such. Besides lmow1n' how relations act to'rd each other, if I've got to be amy kind iv relation let 1t be as distant as possible. I'm sorry they're goin' to fire Aleck. He's a good manl who's done somethin' fir tn wurruld1 I'm sorry fir thim if they fro him. fri they'll have to take him home.. If they1 want to punish him, they ought to make him perpetchool Goy'nor ivA Jamaica"
 What did they want to' sfnd-th' navy fir. annyhow2" asked Mir. iHeImessy.
 Maybe ye're right" said MT. DooleyJ '1think mesilf this navy iv ours is get1 tin Into tn habit iv runnin' to fires1 It's all right to rescue people fTm al burnin' buildin', but I think I'd wait till was asked. Maybe tn man wudI rather be burned to death thin have al cousin rescue him an havedtath' talk iv tn family f'rstin years"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-02-03
MR. DooLEY ON SIR ALEeK
cfe..ta.oc.

other salute iv two hunherd an four guns fir tn Gov'nor sicrety an in sthructed tn band to play 'Gawd Save tn King ewint ashore. On his way to tn rooned capital he came acrost a boatload iv American citizens talIin refuge firm British ship on tn wob- bly, but more frindly land. Tn feelin iv tn native-born Anglo Saxon on boord this ship toord their cousins was so sthrong and warm that the wud not permit thim to share tn rigors iv life on tn perlous waves with an awful smell iv cookin comin' firm tn galley an nawthin' to sleep in but cots. No, Sir. They insisted that they accept tn hospitality iv a neighborin' dock Sir Ali Jones even pressin' tn hospi- tality so far as to threaten to throw thim overboord if they didn't lave at wanst.
 "Ye may guess, Hinnissy, what sacrifice our cousins were malin' to men an women that they'd niver met before nor hoped to meet again, but that were bound to thim be language common to both, though spoken through diff'rent features iv tn face. F'r tn luxuryous dock was open to tn ginrous be day an th'.kindly moon be night. It had niver been used excipt to store molasses, rum an colored gintlemen, an twas swept be ocean breezes always. be tn ignoble broom seldom. Our fellow citizens were so mucn gratified be this almost over whelming outburst iv hearty old Eng fish hospitality that they passed reso- lutions askin' tn United States Gov ernmint to land supplies in Kingston be inclosin' thim in twelye-inch shells i'A shootin thim at tn Gov'nor's pal ace.
 9Th Admiral proceeded on shore an wint to make an offical call on tn
The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-02-03
dsncing. MT. Delmore impersonates the famous minstrel, Carroll Johnson.
New Gayety.


 The New Majestlcs' will be the at- traction all this week at the New Gayety theatre, commencing tomorrow afternoon with two performances daily during the week.
 On Tuesday afternoon there will be a special matinee for women and children at which one half of the theatre will bo set aside for them, or their escorts. Tho free matinees are proving very popular and hundreds of women attended tne Gayety last week
 The big feature of the performance will the Picchianic Family composed of i've women and three men, said to be the greatest aerobatic act on this side of the ocean. The company performs all kinds of acrobatic stunts, the women perform ing some stunts in the air which are said to be big features. The act is said to be the most expensive vaudeville act of the season.
 The New Majestics will be seen in two new burlesques The first one to be pre- sented is called Down the Line" and was written especially for the Majestcs by Larry McCale. It Is reported to be an extremely funny skit and brimful of gen. ulne comedy, and an excellent vehicle to display the abilities of MT. Irwins band of comedians. The vaudeville part of the entertainment consists of the following well known top liners: Maud Harvey and