davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-03-31
AMONG THE CoRWEBS.
San Antonin Exnress /

tSdn Antonio EXpreSS-)
A lawyer was talking about the late
Samuel G. T. Dodd, the Standard Oil law
yer, whose salary from the great corpora
ton was $4,000 year.
"Mr. Dodd," said the lawyer, had an
excellent legal talent. He il was Won
know, who organized the Standard oil
trust What further endeared him to Mr..
Rockefeller was his strict views on the
observance of the Sabbath.
They tell a story about Dodd when he
was struggling practitioner in Franklin.
There was a Franklin minister who
went cunning a good deal and altogether
was rather a sporting characte~.
AT a little church supper one night the
minister was boasting about his knowI-
edge of horses and hunting. his markham
ship, and so on. when Dodd interrupted
him.
You're good sportsman, are you? ne
said.
We'll said the minister. not suspect
ing any trap, 1 am not bad sportsman.
if do say it myself
Yet said DoGd. if I were bird
could hide where there'd be no danger OF
your potting me-
a Where would you hideT asked tho
minister.
Td hide" Dodd answered. in your
study"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-03-31

permitted himself a few carrambas be-
fore he thought of taking up the mat
ter with his government. And of
course the government would have been
most remiss in the duty that all gov
ernments owe TO their citizens if it had
not proceeded promptly with an effort
to recover either the mule or its equiv
slent, though no equivalent could really
take the place of the mule in the affec-
tions of the Salgado family.
When Nicaragua tried to pooh pooh
Honduras. to kiss her off, as it were,
or to foul her out, it was only natural
that there should be trouble. The Sal
gado mule was a mule no longer. The
beast so often described as without
pride of ancestry or hope of posterity,"
became a living, vital principle, a
thing to be fought for, to bleed for, to
die for. By the time the third note had
heen exchanged the metamOrphOsis was
complete. There was no longer a mule.
Nevertheless, it will be difficult for
outsiders to view the matter seriously.
But we must insist that some one who
knows furnish the name of the Hon.
duran mule. in order that it may be
embalmed in history along with the
names of Old Dog Tray, Blanche, the
O'Leary COW that started the Chicago
fire. and others.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-03-31
A STORY OF JONAH'S BOY.
His Adventure Was Much Like That
of His Father.
Kansas Citv Star.D

CKansas City Starr
Tell me a story and then III so to
bed" said the sleepy-eyed little boy, sit
ting on his grandfathers knee.
If l tell you the story of The Kind
Fish will you go TO sieep? said the
grandpa.
Yes, and not wake up till morning.
This is the story that the old man told
his grandchild:
'.Once a little boy lived with his. papa
and mamma on the banks of river. HIS
papa was a fisherman and had lots OF
boats. After the little boy had seen his
father rowing in the boats be wanted
boat too. He begged and begged until
finally his papa gave him boat. II
was painted red and was Just like the
fishing boats. only II was much smaller
"Ill give you this little boat. said the
papa. ''but you must never leave the back
water of the creek near the house. IT
you row out in the river the strong cur
rent will carry you away and you'll new
eT see your papa ana mamma AGAIN
THE little boy promised
But he soon tired of rowing around in
the creek. and one day when no one was
looking he went on the river. lie thOught
that he was strong enough TO row TO the
other shore. When he came TO the swift
current it carried him down stream He
called out at the top of his voice, but
no one heard him and he went down the
river
'.All day long the little boy fioated
swiftly down the river in his little red
boat He passed many farmhouses and
saw men working in the fields. He called
to them, but they did not hear him.
when it became dark he saw so many
black-looking things in the water Some
of them had eyes and mouths, and some
times they grabbed at the boat as 1t went
by The little boy was so scared that ne
cried himself to sleep in the bottom of the
boat
when he awoke in the morning he was
far out on the sea. He had ftOated down
the river TO the ocean and the wind had
blown him away from shore. The waves
were rolling high and threatening every
moment to overturn the boat The little
boy saw that it would soon sink. Then a
great big fish stuck his head out of the
water. ,
Little boy. YOU seem to be in trouble
said the kind fish. When the boat goes
down jump on my back and I'll carry you
to shore 49,
when the boat began to sink the little
bov Jumped on the fish's back and they
started for the shore. They hadn't gone
very far when a whale caught up with
them and swallowed both the kind fish
and the little boy. Then the whale went
up to the shore and spouted the boy out
on the land.
The grandfather had reached the end
OF the story. The boy, looking up INTO
his eyes asked -
THAT must have been Jonah's little
how wasn't he grandpa
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-03-31
TREATED LIKE A PRIVATE.
Detroit NC Press.


Brigadier General Andrew S. Burt of the
United States army is an enthusiastic
sportsman. His hobby is baseball Prior
to 1885,. when he became bTigsdier, he
was the commanding officer OF negro
regiment of regular infantry Each COM
pany had it's ball team and the colonel
was an enthusiastic ToOter at the games
One day a contest was on which was
marred by the poor playing of a member
of one of the company teams Burt, dis
gusted, volunteered to take the place of
the incompetent. No one objected. At
the bat. the colonel was given a base on
balls He noted that the men on the
coaching lines kept silent while he was on
the bases and after he had made the cir
cult he demonstrated
See herer' he exclaimed, slipping out
of his coat i've taken off my shoulder
straps now and you fellows want to treat
me as if l was a, private. ~ ...=j
Again Burt was at bat He hit the ball
and started for first.
Run, you gimpy legged. sawed off mud
turtle Run, you = - mlseraDle -
- howled one of the coachers-
Burt reached first safely, turned and re
garded the coacher for an instant, then
left the base, walked over to where his
discarded blouse lay, and. put 1t on He
said nothing, but the negroes understood
1t was too much. 5r --s-.I.aE
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-03-31
LEGAL TENDER is PUZZLER.
Banker confessss He Is Unable 10
Define Term Exactly.
"What is legal tender?"

ftWlQT legal ISlUtf.
The query came from man VINO laN'
become involved in a dispute over On : o. =,
count. The matter was TO pc sSt ~ 60 "a
court and the mans lawyer toiu MN ~. I
maIlv to offer the amount due IN Ies@i
tender When he went to make the pIol-
fer, says the Washington HeralG, rs -. -.
gan to have doubts of just What leS a. ~ -
der was and he was half ashailileu 1870 - nd I'D
his LAWYER. His banker should know anu
his banker he asked. The banker JhoUSh'
a moment then he said ,..o-.i,,,
Now. really that's techIucdl ques'iot a q
and | haven't the answer right az tile M
of my tongue. But just a minute On"
I'll get it for you. -.
He touched an electric buzzer and a boy
answered. -, did the
cashier Then to his visitor: lie Il KNOW,
an right. Smiths our right-hand man
when it comes to technical. Ques'l0 !-
what legal tender is. He makes chanse
for those who have customs duties 10 pay
He'll know. all right
Smith appeared. a..
Smith, what is legal teIteI aSASu 'iio
'' "I,egal tenderr' he said why. legal
tender isis anything but national DaiA
notes. and | think"
You think! Good gracious alive. man IAN
7 Thought Won knew" This from the
cashier. Look it up and lets both menu
smith went to look II up. In the mean
time the cashier found among some DOCKS
a copy of the national bank act OF ls,G
Here it is he said. He read para
graph which defined legal tender as FOL
lows: =
cold coin is legal tender for its nominal
vaIue when NOT below the limit of toler-
ance in weight; when below that llnllt II
is legal tender in proportion TO us WtlgHt,
standard silver dollars and treasury Ho'sS
of 1880 are legal tender for all debts. pun
lie and private. except where otherWise
expressly stipulated in the contract. SuD-
sidiarv silver is legal tender to the extent
Of $40, minor coins to the extent OF wen
ty-ffve cents. and United States notes LOT
all debts. public and private except d9 II's
on imports and interest on the pupllc atos;
! Cold certificates, silver certificates dul
rational bank notes are non-legai tehurf
money. Both kinds of certitlGGales. now Nv.
ever. are receivable for all pubic dues *
cent duties on imports and may be pdI1
ont for ali public dues except interest ON
"There you are - said the cashier. Tells
if all in nutshell See? ,-..-.;...-
mo. guess | don't sal faV W. 'i render
this legal tender for me
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-03-31
LEADING UP GRADUALLY.
Chicago Tribune.)

BEG pardon. sir" said the man in the
suit of faded black, but are you carry
inc ali the life insurance you want?
Eyes. sir" answered the man at the
could | interest you in morocco
hound edition of the works of William
Makepeace ThackeTay?
DO YOU need a germproof filter at
your house,?
Il do not
Would you invest in good second
hand typewriter if you could get II
cheap%
I have no use for a typewriter
Just so. Would an offer to supply you
with first-cIass imported Havana cigars
al SO a hundred appeal to your
Not a cents worth
How would a proposition to sell YOU a
Century Dictionary, slightly shelf worn,
for only $40. strike your
1T wouldn't come within forty miles OF
hitting me-
would YOU be willing to buy a l0-cent
box of shoe polish just to get rid of me T!
Great Scott Yes
Thanks. Good day"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-03-31
KANSAS MoRTUARY NOTES.
-AtchisOn GlObe.


Believed to be a new story; a man died,
and the minister called at the home to col
Iect material for funeral sermon The
minister said to the son of the dead man:
What were. your fathers last. Words
Mother was present until the last"
Believed to be another: A woman died,
and at the funeral her husband said to
the undertaken: What carriage shall 1
ride i'm to the cemetery" The undertaken
said the husband should ride in the car
riage with his late wife's relatives But
I don't like them; don't speak to them,
the husband said Indignantly. The under
taker said: You asked me what was the
NAV do as you please" ThereupOn the
husband said. resignedly: We'll, | will
do as YOU say, if you insist upon it, but
| give you notice right now that it VIII
spoil my day."
Speaking of funerals. the young people
have a poem to the following effect:
There was a young man named Clyde,
who was once at funeral espled- When
asked who was dead. he smilingly said, i
don't know; / just came for the ride y
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-03-31
WEATHER FOR SALT LAKE.
Partly cloudy; rising temperature.
THE METALS.
No change in metal holiday
THE EASTER CELEBRATION.

There are two Christian anniver-
saries that mean more to the church
and to church people than all the other
anniversaries that are celebrated in the
world. They are the birth of Christ
and the resurrection. And if it were
not for the resurrection the birthday
anniversary would not be celebrated.
For, the resurrection was necessary. to
the establishment of the religion of
Christ. If he had not. risen again on
the third day as he promised his disci-
pies he would, all of his wonderful
teachings would have gone for naught.
Forgotten would have been the mar
velOusly beautiful life he lived on
earth, forgotten the miracles he per-
formed, the sick he healed, the dead he
raised, forgotten the religion of love,
and mercy, tenderness and charity. All
that would have been remembered of
Christ, if indeed, any of it were re-
rendered at this late day would be
the one fact that the great promise was
broken. that the resurrection pledge
failed. Christ would have occupied. in
the minds of the thinking world, the
place allotted to the false prophets
that have arisen from time to time in
various parts of the world.
Certainly his name would not have
been given 10 the greatest of all re-
ligions. There are plenty of men and
U-oreaar now xraa do not t,o1io,-o s,I,,s-.
was the son of God. There are many
who. declare, out of the largeness of
their wisdom, that the story of the res
direction is a myth. In the same
breath they express admiration for
Christ;s teachings, and the belief that
he was a thoroughly good man. We
cannot reconcile the theories. Christ
was either the son of God or he went
through his whole short life teaching
and preaching a lie.
If he did this, he could not have been
a good man in any sense of the word.
He believed he would rise again from
the dead on the third day, rise literally
from the dead and leave the sepuIcbre
- "AA'NAA MS bbhg NdS placed. or MS
life was a falsehood. We do not much
care how the individual may feel about
the life of Christ and his resurrection.
He may believe or disbelieve the story
as he pleases. and we will not quarrel
with him. One thing we do know.
That is that Christ exercised a larger
influence for good than any individual
who has trodden the earth since time
began.
His work and his teachings have
wiped away more tears. have given
more joy than any or all the non-be-
levers from Nero to Bob IngersoIl.
And until the agnostics can offer a bet
ter structure for the structure they
would destroy. until they can prove
that their creed viii make life more
worth living and rob the grave of its
victory, the religion of Jesus Christ
viii continue to spread its humanizing.
its civilizing, its splendid influence for
all that is really worth while over ali
the world
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-03-31
JURY OF HIS PEERS.
Not One of Them Could Read or
Write d Word.
CKansas City starr

CKansas City starr
I have been engaged in the practice of
law q good many years" said ;. ). Urmy,
police Judge of Topeka. Kan, and about
tbs most humorous thing | ever saw IN
a court room was in Topeka.
"-One day an old negro man was being
tried in the justice cOurt-that was be
fore the office of police judge WAS
created-and he demanded trial by d
Jury of peers. He could neither read nor
write and his lawyers insisted That the
Jury. to be his peers, as required by the
law. must be unable to read and write,
too To avoid disputes I agreed 10 it.
but we had a time finding twelve men
in TODeka who could neither read nor
write. But we did find them and the
case went to trial
Before the jury retired took two
pieces of paper and wrote guilty on one
piece and not guilty on the other anu
instructed the foreman of the jury 10
destroy the one he did not wish used and
to return the other to me when the jury
had reached q verdict. The jury was out
only a few minutes. when II came in
The foreman handed me piece. of paper
with the word guilty written on II:
We'll, gentlemen, you find him guilty,
do your / asked.
- No. sab. Jedge, no. sab; we done
found him not guilty. spoke up one OF
the jurymen Then he added with dis
gust: I tole that fool niger he was
tearin' up the wrong piece of paper
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-03-31
THE CHICAGO ELECTION.

The result of the Chicago election on
Tuesday next will be awaited with
more than ordinary interest. The issue
is the one upon which Mayor Dunno
won the election two years ago, mu-
nicipal ownership Of street railways.
The Republicans have come over to
the Democratic theory of municipal
ownership to a certain extent. They
say they are in favor of it, but they
propose to defer the actual purchase
and operation for an indefinite period,
That is the way the Republicans are in
favor of tariff Tevision-some time far
in the future. The Democrats are max
ing their fight, LED again by Mayor
Dunno, on an immediate municipal
ownership platform.
1t is a significant fact that the street
railway interests are lined up solidly
with the Republicans. They are ad-
vertising that they will increase the
wages of all their employees if two or
dinances, which provide for an i'm
pTOvement of the street railway system
by the private corporation, are adopted
by the people in the referendum vote
coincident with the election on Tues
day These ordinances were passed by
the council over the veto of the mayor.
1t is practically conceded that IL they
are adopted the Republican mayoralty
candidate, Postmaster Busse, will be
elected at the same time, although of
course it would be possible to elect
Dunno and carry the ordinances.
Whether or not the people of Chicago
are ready for municipal ownership will
be determined next Tuesday. The cam
paigh was started on this line and SO
conducted for a week or two. Then
things began to heat up and. during
the last week, it has unfortunately de-
yeloped into a mud-slinging contest.
The candidates and the newspapers
have blithely engaged in this, alto
gether to their discredit. Busse has
called Dunno all the unpleasant things
he could think of, and Dunno has re-
taliated in kind. The supporters of the
nominees have followed their discred-
liable example.
1t is pity that this is so. for the
subject of municipal ownership should
have been greatly illuminated as a re-
suit of the campaign. Now it las al
most been lost sight of. notwithstand-
ing the fact that it means so much to
the people of Chicago. The election
next Tuesday may not be, after all, a
real test. Hundreds of voters will vote
for Dunno because they don't like the
Busse campaign, and other hundreds
win vote for Busse because of the IN
pleasant features of the Dunno cam
paign- There will be comparatively lit
tie sober thought in the balloting.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-03-31
HE KNEW HIS WIFE.
Chicago Chroniclc)

u utIdEO AllOilllli.l
Bishop Talbot. for years the Cow boz.
bishop of Wyoming and Idaho but now
bishop Of central Pennsylvania, often
found himself faced by unusual problems
in his life i'm the pioneer west Here is
one Of the host of amusing ones described
by him in his recently published book OF
"reminiscences.
At the close Of one Of his meetings a
man who was known as the Colonel Do
said to him quietly
II should like to ask you a few ques
tons If YOU do not object
II shall be only too glad to answer
them if / can. Colonel. Please proceed
We'll Bishop do you think my wife is
good woman"
DO YOU thing she is a Christian?
If she is not ! should doubt whether
any Of US could be so considered
We'll. now, do you think she VIII
make it2'.
How Is that Colonel?'
DO you think my wife will get in
Still determined not to appear to divine
his meaning, the bishop said Excuse
ne, Colonel, but please explain
II simply mean this Bishop DO you
think that st. Peter will let the old lady
pass through the pearly gatest
Il have not a doubt of it. Colonel
Then YOU think that YOU can guaEan-
tee that she will get in2
so far as my opinion Is worth any,
thing. I cannot for a moment question b.
well then If that is SO do not think
I shall be confirmed. In fact.fI do nor
lust this way. If the old lady gets IN
and they lock the door against the old
man she will simply raise cam until she
gets me in And she's sure 10 succeed
1t was en- vain that the Bishop tried 90
convince him of the fUtility of such an
argument. His faith in his wife's infiu-
ence was too strong to be shaken by any
thing the clergyman could dlIege.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-03-31
MAR OVER A MULE,

A meek and lowIy long-eared mule
is the cause of the present war be-
tween Nicaragua and Honduras. says
dispatch from Washington. The
mule was the property of Ireno SAL
gado of Honduras. and was cap-
tured by thirty-five Nicaraguan cav
alrymen who are alleged 70 have
invaded Honduran territory for the
purpose of kidnapping the animal
aforesaid. The incident of the mule
soon entered diplomatic channels. The
Honduran minister of foreign affairs
protested to the Nicaraguan minister of
foreign affairs.
The latter admitted the theft of the
mule, but denied that there was any
invasion of Honduran territory: and if
there was any invasion the man from
whom the mule was stolen was a rem
egade Nicaraguan and didn't deserve to
revel in the possession of so delightful
an animal as a mule. Honduras came
back with the assertion that Senior Sal
gado was a highly esteemed gentleman,
fully worthy~of his mule. This Mic
aragua politely denied, and then the
trouble began. Seems like a small
matter TO kindle such a fire. doesn't it?
But put yourself in the position of
Salgado. The mule perhaps was a
family pet. Some mules are. There's
Maud, for Instance. Salgado's children
probably cried their eyes out when the
rude soldiers came along and took the
animal away. Senior Salgado doubtless
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-03-31
KEPT THE HANDLE WARM.
netroii journal.

Niscount Turnour the earl of Winter
toms son. was being interviewed in New
York about clothes. On this subject. how
ever the young man refused 10 talk.
YOU he said, ARE the sixth reporter
to talk clothes to me today / think you
reporters are too persistent. You give me
no rest. You remind me of a friend of
mine at Oxford.
MY Oxford friend used to like to drink
a mug of ale at the MiteT. He visited the
Mter good deal and he was always very
particular about having his own mug
AT the Miter one evening he said 10
the barmaid:
to draw it in my own pewter. Make no
mistake
q No fear of making mistake about
your pewter. sir the barmaid answered
L can tell il with ease
How so% my friend asked.
BY the handle said the barmaid-
It's always warm 3"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-03-31
GOOD ENOUGH TO TELL AGAIN
Judges LibraryD


Eugene Noriarty, who seemed to be a
fixture in the Massachusetts legislature
some years ago, was at one time on the
Worcester school board. A fellow mem
Der, the Rev. d. o. Mears, more than
limited at one meeting that there were
altogether too many Irish names on the
list of Worcester teachers. The charge
passed unchallenged at the time. but at
the next meeting up rose Mr.. MOriarty
with this little gem:
Mr.. President, at the last meeting of
the board some one intimated that there
were too many Irish names on our list
Of teachers. The next day I went I'D
to the public library and saw Librarian
Green and asked if he had dictionary of
American names.
L have he said.
" rs 1t compiete% / asked.
6 1t is was the answer.
% Can I take it homer
You can he said.
MIR. President, 1 took il home; l
searched it through from cover to cover.
j found no Mears in the book, but
found that Michael MOriarty was one Of
the bodyguards of General Washington.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-03-31
BEDTIM z.
Baltimore American

At O'Clock the golden sun seeks in the
rudy west
The downy coverlets of cloud the night
draws Ger his breast;
At o'clock the whippoorwiH cries good
night to the CLEAN;
At o'clock the sandman comes to close
sweet eyes in dream.
At o. clock the sandman comes and little
boys and girls
Upon the breasts of rock-a-by lay all their
pretty curls:
AT O'Clock the lips of love the songs 81
slumber start,
And soon two hearts are folded sweat
within a mothers heart So = :
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-03-31
HOW TO RUN A NEWSPAPER
peoria Herald-Transcript.)

peoria Herald-Transcript)
When q man goes astray,
Keep 1t out
When the critic roaSts play
Keep IL out.
When two men in anger clash,
When a merchant goes TO smash;
When the cashier steals the CASH
Keep it out
When they quarrel in the church
Keep ii out.
When teacher wields the birch
Keep il out.
When nine women fair to see
Whisper something over tea
Print it? Goodness gracious me,
Keep it out.
When two statesmen make a deal
Keep Ii out.
When another tries to steal
Keep ii out.
Stories thin and stories tall;
Good and bad and big anc small
Anything that's news at all
Hear 'em shout:
~ l7sfKeep 1t out.ssl2 : sec