The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-01-20
By George Ade

gray Dawn of the morning after. but
the Family is rather proud TO know
that Father was at the Club the night
BEFORE, whereas il would feel disgraced
TO know that he had been sitting
around i'm a common Drinking Place"
When the Traveller paid his third re-
turn visit TO the Town the club had
disappeared and was now a Bicycle
Rest. The Wheeling Craze had come
in and the astute Proprietor had a boy
out i'm front to check the Bikes.
The Patrons did not line up at the
Bar as they do in Saloons. They sat
at little Tables. The difference be-
tween Saloon and a Bicycle Rest was
that in a Saloon the Lunch did not cost
anything.
The Manager Of the high-class Resort
explained his System to the Traveller
II find that many persons who have
been carefully brought up do not like
to go into q BarrOom." said he so |
have it carried in from another Room.
Why should | ruin my fellowman by
giving il to him III a Growler when /
can serve it 10 him in Stein and get
10 cents for it?'
''Then this is not Retail Liquor Es-
tablishment?" asked the old fogy Trav-
eler, who was certainly getting ac-
Quainted with new set of Curves.
by no means replied the Manager
AT a Retail Liquor Establishment you
cannot get your Tires blown up free
of charge"
When next the Traveller came along
that way the Bicycle had died an aw-
full death. and was no longer used ex-
cept by the Working Glasses.
He was afraid that possibly the Man
ager had gone back into the Saloon
Business. thereby spreading sorrow and
desOlatiOn throughout the Community.
But not so. When he strolled down
to the corner he found himself at a
Summer Garden. The Back Yard had
tastefully decorated with Evergreen
Trees growing in Tubs.
bunch of Heinys sat on the Stage
at one end of the Garden and tore off
Ragtime, while Otto and Louie. and
several other members of the Union
Jumped from one table TO another serv-
ing High Balls. Rickeys and Remsen
Coolers.
Il am sorry to see that you are still
peddling the accursed stuff which men
shoot through the Oesophagus TO steal
away their Brains" said the Traveller
who still had some of his antiquated
prejudice against Strong Drink.
You are dead wrong" replied the
Proprietor 81 am now the Director of
Classical Music every Thursday Even
ing and many a Citizen of Spotless
Reputation, who never leaned his Chest
against a mahogany slab i'm his whole
life. comes here and sits under a Tree
to listen TO Nogner and gets piped to
the ellis. / have to run this kind of a
Place in order 10 get the quiet Family
Trade, The boys tap a fresh Keg every
eight minutes, and / am being backed
by a Trolley company, the Directors
OF WHICH are so conscientious that they
never would support-an ordinary Booze
Headquarters"
The Old Traveller thought that he had
known a few things about the Curse of
Alcohol, but he found himself guessing
81 am getting a new line on the
browning Evil of our Age" said he.
ct seems that the Habit is compare
lively harmless if you listen to music
while teaing up"
In all of his writings on the subject
Of Rum Selling he had described a reek-
ing, low-class Tavern, where villain
Gus looking Men sat at the Rough Ia
bles and poured down fiery Beverages
until they were craZed after which
they went home to murder their Rela-
tons.
Instead of which he now found some
of the SWEETEST married COUPLES repre-
scented in the Blue Book holding infor-
NAL Receptions and cutting into the
Grape.
Nobody seemed to crave Rum. but
there was certainly a fierce demand for
the cool Bronx Cocktail. the imported
German Stuff with the fOamy collar on
il. the tall kind with Grass growing
out of the Tumbler, the little Irish Ice
berg. the Pcusse Cafe, the Brandy
Float, the New Orleans Sour, the
Regal Fizz, the Lexington To-day and