The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1907-12-15
Maria'S Midnight Lectures.
LECTURE NO. IS.

chorus girl IN America has Just die,
They don't state her age. though I've
often wondered. haven't you. how old
>chorus girls get TO be before they die
know I've seen some Of EN- on the stage
that look as II they We're hundred and
dance as IL they had the rheumatiz. but
/ don't see how they can live that long,
painting their faces and associating
with-I mean eating Holsters every
night I think the Census Bureau might
find out, don't you?
Say. Job, have you any money 20
spare? I want some awful bad; there's
two sales next week that want 10 go
10. Ones the rummage sale for the
benefit Of some hospital. and I'm just
sure I could pick up some lovely bar
gains there. Do you remember the
beautiful bird cage I bought az a rum
mage sale once? II had belonged to
Mrs. Stuyvesant Fish once. so the
woman said OF course. we didE't have
any bird. but We might have bought
one. and anyway it did nicely for little
Emily to play with when she was a
baby. and then for long time used II
for a bread box The other sales at the
post-ofice. where they're going 10 sell
of a whole lot OF dead letters. would
SO love 20 buy some. You never can
tell what you're going 10 get. Job. Just
think for about q dollar you might buy
a letter with all sorts of money in IL:
and even II you didn't you might get a
letter containing some important Sc
I til Tr~- %
read somebody else's letters. don't you2
l remember once when Miss Halsey
wrote me a letter and AT the same time
she wrote another 10 her sister, and she
got the envelopes mixed SOS [ got the
letter intended for her sister. II was so
interesting. She spoke about ne in the
letter and said I was a 'gabby old
tRing.' OF course, I didn't mind that
much. because 1 knew il was just
jealousy-Miss Halsey never could talk
properly-but she also told her sister
that my black bonbazine that I'd
bought new that spring. bought il
with the money I got for selling mas
pianola-had been turned so often that
when I put it on I didn't know whether
I was walking backward or forward.
] tell you that made me mad. and the
worst OF II was I didn't dare say any
thing about it for the longest time. But
I just played the same trick, and I sent
her a letter. supposed TO be written 10
my uncle. and 1 tell you scOrched her.
That's why I'd ike 10 go to this rum
mage sale at the post-office and take a
chance. Let's do it. will We. Job?
4 see that Tom Taggart was in town
this week. hear he stopped at the
New Willard. and when they brought
him his bill he told them that he was
a hoteIkeeper. too. and asked II he
wasn't entitled TO a discount OF course
they allowed il 10 him. Then he told
them he was chairman OF the Demo
Gratis, and they gave him discount for
that; then he showed them a card about
some mineral water he was selling. and
they gave him a discount for that: and
then be told them how many time he'd
been mayor OF Indianapolis and they
gave him a discount for that I think
when they figured & all up the hotel
owed him about so. and he took Il
back with him 20 Indiana. I tel you.
it's pretty hard TO beat those HOOsiers,
And so the fleets s-g0ing 10 sail To-
morrow. and they've put all the little
Japs ashore. I don't blame EN- with all
these spies around making drawings OF
our cooking utensils and finding ont
what il is We feed our sailors that
makess them shoot so straight can't
hardly believe yet that Capt Hobson
isn't going with them: don't see how
they ever hope TO get around the Horn
without him, Oh, Job. did YOU see who
they'd elected Attorney General OF
Texas-a Mr.. Looney. I wonder II he's
any relation 10 Glen Looney. OF Hagers-
town. that cousin of yours who went
crazy. so that people used 70 say. he
was LOoney by name and luney by ma
ture
Did YOU see that the papers say that
King Alfonso OF Spain is henpecked by
his wife, should think king might be
free Of that with al his other troubles.
Amt you glad that you were never hen
pecked. job? l saw an article in The
Washington Herald the other day at
said that too much money was harmful
10 the American woman; you can lay It
20 your conscience. Job. that you never
did me no harm that way. can't you?
What's that2 No. Job. please don't go
70 sleep. I've got such lots to tell YOU
want 10 talk 10 you about MI Roose-
velts wonderful self-abnegation IN not
running for third term; no wonder he
can afford TO treat himself TO a 'possuun
dinner at Christmast time. And. say.
job, what do you think about Mr..
Bryan now, going on on a hunting trip?
wonder if he thinks a man can't be
elected President unless he hunts for II.
Wake ID job Listen, want YOU
p tell me what you think about these
women poetesses-that enc you know
that wrote Tt is pleasant TO Gle for
those We love. II she'd have known
YOU she'd have written il It is pleasant
70 sleep. 1 never did see such a sleepy
head-and Ella Wheeler Wilcox SAYS
that her verses are read by lots Of luna
ties-thank heaven never read any OF
EN- Job, listen to little Emily breath
ing hard, I'm sure that child's going to
have the Group. and vel have 10 give
her a mustard bath and not a BIT OF
mustard in the house. Get up, Will you.
Job, and see WHAT'S the matter. The
cat, It's not the cat, Comparing your
own flesh and blood TO an animals. As
if I didn't know Emily's breathing. On.
well. suppose III have 70 90 myself.
Cats breathing. indeed