davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31
GRAVE OF AN OFFICE HOLDER.
Plot In Greenwood That Recalled the
Saying About Government Jobs.

did l ever tell you about my great
uncle who is in the pension bureau a
Washir gton?" asked a matter-of-fact
individual of his friend.
His friend did not recall any such
information.
HE is 90, coming next birthday
the matter-of-fact man went on. Hes
been in the bureau ever since An
drew Jackson swore by the Eternal
Must be pretty husky"
Slightly. He's never been sick bur
once since he got that job"
Fortunate old man."
HE scared me nearly to dea.s
when he was sick. Caused me a
whole lot of trouble, besides.
Il got a wire from him that he
didn't expect to live and had writ
ten. Same day I got a letter in which
he wrote that he had a lot some
where in Greenwood. Wanted me
to go over and look it up, make nee
essary preparations and await or
ders.
Iooh a uuy Ou, IOuuu Tic SpOl
and told the man in charge to await
my phone message before he pre-,
pared the grave. He misunderstood
me. The next day / got a mes.
sage from him saying the grave was
ready.
Il waited several days and no It'd
ings came. All quiet on the Poto.
mac. Just about that time l had a
hurry call to go to Buffalo. / ex-
pected to be back in "a hours, and
left instructions to cover the stu.
alton in case a corpse arrived be.
fore l returned.
Il was detained in Buffalo longer
~ / expected. When l got back
| ~Sked my bookkeeper if he had any
news about my great-uncle.
"He was here day before yes
terday,' was the reply.
That shut off my breath for a
minute or more-it seemed more.
what did you do with the body?'
I gasped.
There was a lot Of explanations.
The short Of the story is that the old
duffer had recovered, come on to
New York, and concluded that a sea
voyage was what he needed. He took
a trip to Lonodn and stayed over
there six weeks.
He came back looking as. though
he were good for a hunt on the plains.
| never told him the Greenwood
story, but l had to pay for a grave
that was never occupied"
Il have heard that office holders
seldom died and eve resigned" said
the friend. Now / believe it,"
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31
TWO SISTERS HAD ECZEMA.
CutIcura Cured Scalp Troubles Of
Two Illinois Girls-Another Sis
ter Took Cuticura Pills,

Il must give much praise to all
the Cuticura Remedies. / used but
one cake of Cuticura Soap and ono
box of Cuticura Ointment, as that
was all that was required to euro
my disease. / was very much trou-
bled with eczema of the head, and a
friend Of mine told me to use the
Cuticura Remedies, which 1 did, and
am glad to say that they cured my
eczema entirely. Since then we have
always kept the soap on hand at all
times. My sister was also cured of
eczema of the head by using the Gu.
ucura Remedies. Another sister has
used Cuticura Resolvent and Pills
and thinks they are a splendid tonic.
cannot say exactly how long I sui.
fered, but I think about six months.
Miss Edith Hammer, r. F. D. No. q.
Morrison, ILL.,, Oct. 3, 1906"
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31
THE SECOND
DANDY CHATTER

By Tom Gallon.

The little man, bewildered alike by
the shaking, and by the sudden change
n the demeanor Of Ogledon, lost
balance completely, and stamme
out:
IT'S no good-confusion is In every
thing. / fished him out of the river
only this very day, and laid him on
the bank, as dead as twenty doornaiis;
yet he caught me in the garden here
just now, and stared straight into my
eyes-and he's got the diamond neck
lace" 8
You're mad!" whispered the other,
In the same uneasy fashion.
I'm not-I'm not-but l soon shall
be-" muttered Cripps. II tell you
Dandy Chatter is dead-been dead Tor
days; and yet he's got the necklace,
and is In the garden"-he pointed
awfully behind him as he spoke-"at
the present moment. AS sure as I'm
a living sinner, Dandy Chatter has
come to life again!"
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31
One Physician ENOUGH.

The latest story about Senator Pet.
tus Of Alabama is of how he was
overcome with vertigo some time ago
while working on a law case in his
Alabama Office. He recovered In a
few minutes and his clerk said he
was going to send for a doctor. "AIl
right" said the octogenarian, "but
don't get more than one" When the
doctor arrived the senator said: "You
are the only doctor here, are you?
You're sure there's only one of you?"
"Oh. yes. SENATOR" said the physi.
clan, who thought the old gentleman
had some confidential communication
to make. I'm mighty glad of t."
the senator said, with a sigh of relief.
Il am sure I'll get well II there is
only one of you fellows here, but I
could not survive a consultation"
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31
MANY BELLIES AT CAPITAL.
Ethel Rooseveit's Debut Would Find
Her in Brilliant Company.

Like all the Roosevelts, Miss Ethel
rides beautifully. She used to have
a piebald pony, but now that she is
Miss Roosevelt she has a blooded
mare, Lady Dancer, on which she
often takes a canter in the afternoon.
She can skate as well as ride, and
likes tennis immensely.
If Miss Roosevelt makes her debut
at the White House, which all feel
is only fair to her, she won't be with
u experience. She has played the
hostess many times before. In the
winter there are many parties at the
White House for young girls and
youths of her age, and Miss Ethel
always receives her guests as to the
manner born.
Such Is the new Miss Roosevelt.
II she has the same good fortune
as her elder sister, she may make her
first public bow next winter. She
will be II then, just the age of Mrs.
Longworth when, as Miss Alice. she
came to New York and christened
the kaiser's Meteor.
If Miss Roosevelt does come out,
she will be in a brilliant company
of buds and bellies, for Washington is
alive with them. For example, there
Is Miss Marguerite Shonts, daughter
OF the engineer of the Panama canal,
and Miss Williams, and Miss Frances
Goldsborough, and Miss Edith Root,
daughter of the secretary, and Miss
Frederick Morgan, beauties all.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31
Senator HADN'T Mia..d n.

DR.. Edward Everett Hale, chaplain
of the senate, usually listens for an
hour or SO daily to debate, taking a
sort of fatherly interest In the mem.
bers. as the chaplain Of a boys school
might. The story goes that DR.. Hale
once asked a certain senator with q
good deal Of solicitation IL he was q
church member. The senator was glad
to be able to say that he was. Two or
three days later. according to the
story. DR.. HAS required to the sub.
lect nj asked the name of the church.
rhe senator save a name. Two or
three days later again DR.. Hale re.
marked with regret that he had looked
ip that church and that he was sorry
% find that 1t had been burned dowr
u years beforehand lever rebuilt.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31
Ito Be C~ontinued.)
PLANTING TREES FOR TIES.
Railroads Providing for Day When
Forests Are Gone.

The most perishabie Of the factors
that enter into a railroads "mainten.
ance Of way accounts, the ties, are in
modern practice reckoned for furthest
ahead, a y the New York Times. The
Atchison is the latest road to adopt
the plan Of growing its own ties,
which means that about twenty years
from now the construction department
will be cutting it's own timber. pro
vided, of course, that in the interven.
Ing generation ties of steel or sleepers
of stone or concrete after the English
fashion have not come into general
use.
Dispatches from the West announce
that the Atchison has paid $100,0 600
for a ranch in California containing
$3.50 acres on which to grow eucalyp
tus trees to supply the road with ties.
II takes the tree, which Is a relatively
rapid grower, about twenty years to
arrive at a diameter large enough for
the purpose and each tree will then
furnish from six to eight ties. In or.
der to give the road a continuous sup
ply about $50 acres will be planted
each year, and at the end Of twenty
years, when the first plantation 10
ready for the ak, the planting will be-
gin all over again.
The railroads Of the Middle West be
gan the planting of the eucalyptus
groves some years ago, and there are
now in Kansas several such planta
tons Of a fair growth, though none
has yet reached an age sufficient for
cutting. II the present rate Of con
sumption, which has been estimated At
S0,0o0. 900 ties a year. continues. they
~ill all be needed.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31
Deafness Cannot Be Cured

~ local applications, as they cannot reach ths a.
essed portion Of the ear. There is only one way ~
Guae DEAFNESS, and that is by constitutional remedies.
mucous lining Of the EustachIan Tube When this
suoe 10 Unnamed you have a rumbling sound or i'm
perIect nearing, and when II is entirely closed. Deaf.
nessI y tne result, and unless the can b
tsaen OUT ana this tube restored to It's normal ccndt
a,on, searing VIII be destroyed forever; nine csses
ous an Unnamed condition Of the mucous surfacas-
we VIII give One Hundred Dollars for any case Of
oy Halls Catarrh Cure. Send for c,rcuisrsL Srss
Sold by Druggists, 75c' ~ A"e~'s~
Take Halls Family Pills for conattn.,for
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31
Clover q Grass Seeds.

We are known as the largest growers of
Grasses, Clovers. Oats, Barley, Corn, Po-
tstoes and Farm Seeds in America. Oper.
ste over 5000 acres.
FREn
Our mammoth l4S-page catalog is mailed
free TO all intending buyers; or send
SO IN TAMPs
and receive sample of perfect balance ra-
ton grass seed" together with Fodder
Plants, Clover, etc., ETC., and big Plant
and Seed Catalog free.
John A.. Salzer Seed Co., Box w, La
Crosse, Wis.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31
InvIaorate the pluestion.

TO invigorate the digestion and
stimulate the torpid liver and bowels
there is nothing so good as that old
family remedy. Brandreth Pills, which
has been In use for over a century.
They cleanse the blood and impart new
vigor to the body. One or two every
night for q week will usually be all
that is required. For Constipation or
Dyspepsia. one or two taken every
night will afford great relief.
Brandreth's Pills are the same fine
laxative tonic pill your grandparents
used and being purely vegetable are
adapted to every system.
Sold In every drug and medicine
store. either plain or s~ugar-coated.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31

THERE are a host Of petty ailments
i which are the direct result of the
weather.
This is more true Of the excessive
heat Of summer and the intense cold
Of winter, but is partly true of all
seasons Of the year.
Whether 1t be a cold or a cough,
catarrh of the head or bowl complaint,
whether the liver be affected or the
kidneys, the cause is very liable to
be the same.
The weather slightly deranges the
mucous membranes of the organs and
the result is some functional disease.
Peruna has become q standby In
thousands of homes for minor all
n1enfs of this sort.
ASK Your Druggist for Free Peruns
Almanac for 1907.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31

says: For twelve
or fifteen years |
was suffering fire.
quent attacks of
pain in the back
and kidneys that
lasted for three
weeks at a time. I
would be unable to
turn in bed The
urine was I'm a
terrible condition,
at times a COM
plete stoppage &C.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31
Y OF
Says Peru ma Is a Coos
Medicine.

Hon. C. G. Brooks, Mayor OF SIN.
bury. Ohio, also Attorney for Farm.
ers' Bank and Sunbury Building and
Loan Co., writes:
Il have the utmost confidence in
the virtue of Peruna. 1t is a great
medicine. l have used 1t and | have
known many of my friends who have
obtained beneficial results from it's
use. cannot praise Peruns too
highly"
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31

curing. I began with Doan's Kidney
Pills. and soon felt better. Keeping
on. | found complete freedom from
kidney trouble. The ure has been
permanent. l owe my good health to
Doan's Kidney Pills"
Sold by all dealers. so cents a box.
Foster-Milburn Co. Buffalo, N. Y.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31
Real Sunday Closing Law.

Melbourne has successfully resur-
rected the Lords day act of George
III" That city is a S%abbatarian strong
hold. No Sunday newspaper is allow.
ed to appear and every hotel is closed
by law, although much Illicit drinking
is done.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31
Wood in a Piano.

There are 10,700 pieces Of wood,
cloth and felt and 1850 feet Of wire in
a concert grand piano. The earliest
recorded public performance on tho
~pianoforte took place at Covent Gar
den, London, on May 16, 1857.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31
One of the Mayflower People.

"Oh, they're real swell people," said
the Chicago man, IAN old Mayflower
family, l believe"
you mean that their ancestors
came over in the Mayfowers" asked
the visitor from the East.
"Oh, no. l e they made their
money in 'Mayfower Hams oldest
brand O hams in this section"
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31

Before engaging the parson. young
man, 1t might be well to ascertain II
you can support the girl in that con
dition OF idleness to which she has
been accustomed.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31
Mo Speed About Him.

Didn't l tell yer that Bill was too
slow to liver.
Why. wot's he bin and lone now?p
He's gone and got run over by a
hearse."
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31
Prize Rent podser.

At st. osyth, Essex, England, an
sjectment order has been granted
against a tenant who, 1t was stated,
had paid no rent in forty years.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31
unapprec,atIve.

Mrs. Homer (reading)-An ordinary
piano contains about a mile Of wire
Homer--Huh. the one next door
sounds like It contained a wagon load
OF tinware.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31

Garfield Tea Guaranteed under the
Pure food and Drug Law regulates q
siuggish liver. overcomes constipation, pu-
rifles the blood and eradicates disease. It
h made of Herbs.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31

The infant prodigy is another per-
o who is usually a dweller in the
next county. IL not In q distant rtate.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31

Our idea of a financial genius Is q
mar who can spend his money faster
than he acquires 1t.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31
AWFUL ATTACKS OF PAIN.
A Most Dreadful Case Of Kidney
Trouble and How II Was Cured.

Thomas N. Mccullough, 321 South
Weber St., Colorado Springs, Colo,
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31

An optimist is a man who never
stops to open a sandwich.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31

After you find = man Isn't As bad
~ he Ii painted. You are likely to
swing ito far the other way.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31

PUTNAM FADELESS DYES do not
Stain the hands or spot the kettle, except
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31

Tor PRICES FOR HIDES, FURs AND
Pe!ts. Write for Circular No. 8. ". w.
Hide &c Fur Co., Minneapolis. MINI.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31

PILES CURED IN Q TO II DAYa.
pAZo OINTMENT Is guaranteed To epra .nx 60
p Itching. Blind, Bleeding or Protrudins Pflsg N
70 II days or money refunded. 800.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31

Suspicion is the substitute of the
slothful for vigilance.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1907-01-31
Important TO Mothers.

Examine carefully every bottle Of CAsToRfA.
ss.fe and sure remedy Tor Infants and children.
and see that IL
The La Jara chronicle., 1907-09-27
The Sunny San Luis Valley.

ID. +. Hancock, editor OF The
Florence Tribune, weekly news
paper published at Florence, Kan
sas, and who recently made a trip
here to purchase land, has the fol-
lowing to say about the valley in
his last issue:
Having just returend from "a
trip through the San Luis valley
of Colorado, description of this
wonderful country would no doubt
be of interest to our readers, al
though time and space forbids
anything but brief general write
up,
The valley is situated in the
south central part of Colorado and
is one of the most picturesque
places Imaginable. 1t is lO5
miles long by about fifty miles
wide, and except for here and
there river or creek, is almost as
level as the floor, so much so in
fact that towns twenty miles dis
tant can be easily seen. This val
ley which is larger than the state
of Connecticut, is completely sur
rounded by mountains, number
of them snow-capped the year
round, and on the north, Mt.
Blanca, the highest peak of the
Rockies. The entire valley was
at one time lake but volcanic ac-
tion burst through the mountains
on the south making a marrow
gorge through which flows the
Rio Grande river, which now
drains the entire valley. This
process left great barren waste
covered with sand and sage brush
but wonderfully productive ano
fertile soil and the entire valley is
now being reclaimed for the use oi
man.
The valley is first entered at the
The La Jara chronicle., 1907-09-27
-. SANFORD -.

Mrs. Peter Mortensen returned
from Provo, Sunday.
Miss Eva Block has been quite
i'll, bnt is improved.
Holm Mortensen is busy this
week repairing the school house.
Miss Mae Block returned from
Alamosa, Thursday morning.
Mr.. and Mrs. Calvin Jones are
preparing to leave for Provo, in a
short time.
Miss Mae Berthelson intends to
20 to New Mexico soon to visit
her brother
F. T. Christensen has accepted
the position as principal of the
Manassa schools.
A dance and oyster supper will
be given she students of the church
school, tonight.
Mr.. Soel and family have rent
ed the a. g. Lindberg residence
and will move in a few days.
Mr.. and Mrs. Peter Paulson and
daughter, Mrs. F. T. Christensen,
attended the Pennington fair last
week.
Miss Alice Christensen left for
Salt Lake City, Wednesday morn
ing. She is teacher in that city,
having taught there for five years.
The new auto is now in running
order and certainly looks fine as
it whizzes by. We can now go
automobiling at any time provid-
ing it doesn't take a notion to stop.
Mrs. Sena Mayfeld and Mr..
Mathews were married recently.
The bride is the daughter of S. G.
Berthelson and the groom is a
well-to-do man of Saguache.
The La Jara chronicle., 1907-09-27

lot has its own artesian well
varying from go to $50 feet deep,
the flow at the latter depth being
suffi cient to pipe the water through
two story building.
Like all countries it has a few
drawbacks, such as alkali in places
and the shortness OF the season
which makes the growing of fruit
and corn Improbable, but these
are more than offset by the super
of other crops.
The La Jara chronicle., 1907-09-27
re MANASSA ss

\. j. Christensen, of Bountiful q,
was in town, Monday.
Will Nichols has accepted a po-
sition in the Marshall store.
a new girl appeared at the home
of Wilford McKinzie one day this
week.
A large number of our people
attended fair at Alamosa, this
week.
A crowd of land seekers are here
and are very favorably impressed
with the country.
The La Jara chronicle., 1907-09-27
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.

The shortest horse gets the long
est odds.
Nothing is more sad than forced
cheerfulness.
Every time man makes mistake
he learns something.
With some men swearing OF is a
continuous performance.
The average man is to be seen
verywhere-except in mirror
No true society woman ever patron
izes the opera to listen to the music.
After some wives have had the last
word they sit down and cry over it.
Matrimony is II great institution; it
makes man forget his other trou-
bles.
Some people are unable to distin-
guish between courage and foolhardi-
ness.
1t takes a geniuts to get ten cents
worth of satisfaction out of five
cent cigar.
It's surprising what a number of
practical things are impracticable
when you try them.
In this age of substitution some
body should substitute something for
the walking delegate.
Moral suasion is all right in its way
but there are times when 1t should be
backed up with a shotgun.
There isn't very much hope for the
man who has reached the age of 40
and isn't more or less of a crank.
| No man can help feeling sorry for d
/ pretty girl who marries some Other
fellow while he is still in the bachelor
class.
There is something peculiar about
1 the man who takes no interest in base
ball He may be person of superior
intelligence.-Chica News.
The La Jara chronicle., 1907-09-27
SENTENCE SERMONS.

Fault finders are seldom faithful.
Sanctifcation is salvation from self.
Love and pain are seldom far apart
There is no pedagogy like that OF
love.
The brothers burden IL the Fathers
business.
That which is irreverent must be ir.
religious.
The long drawn frown only pulls
men down.
world without pain. would be with.
out power.
The river of life has something in
1t beside gush.
The darkness awaits him who
wastes the day.
Occupation is inoculation against
much temptation.
The religious fan always thinks he
is the whole field.
The man who is on the cross needs
no crosses on him.
He cannot know success who does
not delight in sacrifice
The old man is never eradicated by
becoming an old woman.
Advertising our Affections only in.
creases their circulation.
There is never a wrong world to
hin- who is right with its heart.
A man proves the sincerity of his
doubt by his search for truth.-Henry
F. Cope in Chicago Tribune.