davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17
ON the Isthmus.

Former Senator J. c. : Blackburn's ap-
pointmeut TO the Isthmlan Canal Comnis-
sion and the probability Of his having to
make his home on the isthmus pending his
connection with the commission is a re-
minder of the triumph Of the last famous
Kentuckian in the inhospitable climate of
Panama. Ii was the late Col Dick Win
teTsmitn. The gallant colonel came TO
Washington 90 participate in the Demo-
cratic JOY over Mr.. Cleveland's last inau-
guTauon, and while here he was bitten OF
the fever 20 serve his country. Having
claims upon his party Of more than forty
years standing, he made due application
for diplomatic appointment Weeks
slowly crept by. and Col Wintersmith
heard nothing from the White House
Weeks grew into dreaTy months and the
colonel still was waiting for his call to
duty. The old John Chamberlin place was
then the rendezvous Of the bon vivants
Ike. Col. Wintersmith, and to them he
daily told his woes. Finally. despairing
OF securing the reward which he felt was
his. the colonel, in a splutter of rage
against the Pres dent calculated thus
enc evening 10 the late Amos Cummings:
Amos. / so cordially despise that man
in the White House that damme. sir, /
no longer believe Mrs. Cleveland is the
handsomest woman in the United States"
Col. Wintersmith's friend. John @. Car
Isle was Secretary Of the Treasury. At
ter about year of waiting on the Presi-
dent 20 act. Secretary Carlisle sent Col.
Wintersmith to Panama as Treasury
agent.
What do you think. Mark" exclaimed
the colonel at Chamberlin's to Delegate
Mark Smith. of Arizona, after the colonel
had been duly commissioned to 90 10
Panama that man Cleveland is so mean
that he has ordered Carlisle to send me to
Panama in order that 1 may die Of the
feveri'
At the end of a years service in Pan
anna Col. Wintersuiith returned 10
Washington without having obtained per
mission of the Secretary to leave his
post.
4 came home without asking YOU.
John" growled Col Wintersmith in re-
sponse to the SecTetarys reproof. ito
show you and old Cleveland that Won
hadn't got rid OF me as you thought YOU
would. l am still alive, and expect to re-
main so. even IL 7 do have to stay in
Panama till the close of this blasted ad-
ministration'
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17

The service journals as are known the
newspapers making speciality of news
and comment regarding the naval and
military establishments. have been de-
voting much space lately to the discus
sion of the project of bestowing upon
naval staff officers the titles which are
now used exclusively by the officers of
the line Of the navy. To the civilian OBJ
server, it would seem that this is not in
any way question calculated TO disturb
the serenity of gentlemen who are entf-
tied by training and occupation to asso-
ciate together with some degree of inti-
macy and every appearance of personal
equality. But we judge that the PROPOSE
tion contains the element of real disturb
ance and in the expressions Of opinion
by line and staff officers on the sub
ject. the sentiment entertained bv
those against the extension of line titles
70 naval staff officers is such as might
be provoked by a profane assault upon
sacred tradition. Perhaps it is quite all
OF that, and more, if we may judge from
the opinions vigorously set forth by one
opponent line officer on duty at one
OF the navy yards. who regards the staff
desire for title as unpatriotic and trea-
sonable. a species OF brazen appropria-
ton resembling downright theft; and so
on in the same hysterical tenor
This correspondent goes on to say. in
an effort 20 show that the naval stan
branches are a generally useless incum-
brance upon the naval establishment
that I'VE can fight without pay. and as
for the commissary part of the pav-
masters duties, it may be stated that
many line officers have been and are act
ing as commisssry officers in as eff
cient manner as any paymaster; we
can get along without medical and surgi-
cal attendance, if absolutely forced to do
so, and yet win the battle. even if we do
not care 10 suffer needlessly before and
after it; we can die, and have Just as
good a chance OF salvation, if we have
lived right lives, without a chapiair to
console US at the last moment as with
one"
Another expression which is worthy Of
production Is that the fact must al
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17
Postman,s Queer ExrerIencr.

From the New York Press.
Il had queer job the other day. said
a Bronx letter carrier as he warmed his
hands. L delivered a wreath to a grave.
1T was small wreath Of immortelles
in a pasteboard box. The address was.
Grave of James Love. Woodlawn Gene
terry. First Lot to Right of Smith Monu-
ment Thousands of times l had passed
that cemetery on my rounds, but / never
thought 10 make a delivery TO one of the
tombs. Going in. l found the Love grave
easily I brushed the snow of the mound
with my bag, and taking the wreath from
its box I laid it on the bright. green
grass.
Il consider that the strangest expert
ence Of my fourteen years service"
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17
STATE RIGHTS DROPPED.
Beneficcnt Legislatures Now the
BRne Of Railroad Corporations.

Bane Of railroad corporations.
From the Providence Journal
1t is fortunate" says F. ParmaIee
Prentice. a son-in-law Of Mr.. John D..
Rockefeller in his new book on Federal
Power over Carriers and Corporations. "
THAT the regulations of corporations.
which now takes public attention can be
accomplished by state legislation The
subject concerns so closely the common
affairs OF daily life. and should be de
termined with references to conditions
and occupations which vary SO widely I'm
different States. that its transfer 10
Federal control would seriously limit local
autonomy.
But when the benehcent State legisla-
lures enact 2-Cent-a-mile laws for pas
Senger traffic. prohibit all classes Of free
transportation. and otherwise restrict the
railroads. when a public utilities bin
threatens 20 pass the New York legisIa-
tUre. providing for a stringent State over
sight Of all public-seryice corporations.
and when IN almost every Commonwealth
there is the indication Of an awakened
desire 70 check the inordinate growth of
corporate power. the situation is com
pietely changed, and the cry goes up for
Federal rather than State, interference
IN private business concerns.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17
The Reveridge-Bryan Debate.

As an eXpounder of party policies. Sen
ator Beveridge, of Indiana. through his
debate with William Jennings Bryan. in
the Reader Magazine is gaining recogni-
ton from high Republican sources. Com
menting on the matter Harry S. New.
acting chairman of the Republican Ma
tional Committee. recently said.
Senator Bevcridge is peculiarly well
qualified to reply to Mr.. Bryans political
articles in the Reader. In fact. I know
of no one i'm public life better qualified
for this particular service than the senior
Senator from Indiana. Skllful as q
pleader. alert as a debater. clear and
cogent as a writer, his articles may be
confidently expected TO present the Re
publican side Of the question"
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17
Common sense a Good Remedy.

FTom tUe New lOTk Tribune.
It is time 90 end this panic over public
opinion, both on the part of the railroad
presidents and on the part Of the legis-
lators- Everybody. railroad men includ-
ed. is agreed that there should be a
proper regulation of railroads. The peo-
pie are ready to listen TO reason about
what d proper regulation is. The legisSS-
tors have already given such "a demon
stration of their responsiveness to the
people that it should be a generation be-
fore any one accuses them of being sus-
ccptible to the subtle influences of the
corporations. They lean over backward
in their erect, if somewhat startled,
virtue End the panic over public opin-
ion, and let us have a little common
sense all around,
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17
rhriftv boston Policemen.

Prom tho Boston Herald.
A number of men Of the police force
have recently purchased farms with the
view of having a secluded place to retire
to when they are awarded their pensions
of half pay at the conclusion of their
terms of faithful service. Already num-
Der of retired policemen have demon
stTated that they can be successful farm
ers. even though they never turned the
soil in ali their years until they We're pen
stoned. Some have made small fortunes
raising chickens
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17
Zoo Much for the CInss.

I0u Ihe NtW lufk ITlbInc.
She was only a substitute teacher. still
she should have known better Sup
pose" said she in the mental arithmetic
lesson suppose Mary has five oranges
and Gladys gives her eleven more. Then.
If Mary gave Winfred six. how many
would she have left?" There was a long
pause "Wel?" she prompted. impa-
tiently. it's easy enough
Please. teacher" spoke up the smallest
girl we always do our sums in apples. -
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17
why He Didn't Wish to Go

From the London Evening Standard
The children In the Sunday school class
were getting restless, and the vicar. to
divert them asked all who wished to go
to heaven TO stand UP. The whole school
rose. except one little boy.
Don't YOU want to 20 10 heaven. my
little lad?" asked the vicar.
Yes, sir, was the response. but I
know mother doesn't want me to go Just
yet"
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17
INSPIRED BY THE HERALD.

Houston Post: The Washington Herald
does not know what an English wastreI
is. Neither does the Londoner know what
a moliyCOddie is
Atlanta Journal: The wicked Washing
ton Herald is positive that Uncle Joe
Cannon is going TO Panama merely 10
inspect that Gatun dam site
Houston Chronicle. The Washington
Herald's story about Shakespeare's PLAYS
having been written by corporation will
not do; it would have Watered the stock.
which would have soured the humor of
Falstsff.
Bristol Herald-Courier: For the Peace
.of the World" Is the headline Of an edi-
torial in The Washington Herald. which
is too long Tor perusal but which. It will
naturally be supposed, urges the prompt
suppression of Hobson.
Columbia State; The Washington Herald
challenges the assertion Of "a clergyman
that Adam must have kndlcd q fire by
means Of a flint. and says Adam ana
Eve made the fiTsL match. From the
fer match at that
Lynchburg Advance: The Southern
newspapers have almost with one accord
condemned the proposal to hold confer
ence of fourteen States on the race ques-
ton. The Washington Herald. in an edi-
torial of yesterdays issue, warmly praised
Gov. Swanson for his particularly clear.
inCisive. and Clean-cut letter Of deciina-
ton.
Norfolk Landmark: The Washington
Herald insists that the facts connected
with the resignation Of Chief Engineer
Stevens. of the Panama Canal Commis-
sion, be made public, so that the people
can hear the other side IF publicity is
q good thing for railroads and corpora
tions." observes our acute contemporary.
1T ought to be good thing in canal ad-
ministration." This is very near the verge
of ''lese majestic. Rooseveltian publicity
seems TO be strictly for the other fellows
What have the Philippines cost?
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17
MEN AND THINGS.
Mr.. Crane Is Here.

MIR. Crane Is Here.
Nelson Wilmarth Aldrich has gone to
Europe to rest but Winthrop Murray
Crane is here. The Massachusetts, states
man never rests. the reason being that
he needs no rest He finds in work all the
repose and recreation his eager, tireIess
nature demands. Perhaps when Senator
Crane is as old as Senator Aldrich he
VIII slow down bit The difference in
their ages is twelve years. Mr. Aldrieh is
sixty-six and Mr.. Crane Is fifty-four
Should Mr.. AldTich leave the Senate now
Mr.. Crane would step into his place as
the real Republican leader OF that great
body. This is why Mr.. Crane is now IN
Washington. There are things ia plenty
10 do for the party at the Capital, even
though the Senate Is not In session. Had
not MIR. Aldrich gone to Europe for a rest
he doubtless would have found the
climate OF Washington much more con
genial at this particular time than that
Of Rhode Island, and for the same reason.
There are things To do for the party. Mr.
Aidrich having gone TO Europe, Mr. Crane
fingers in our midst and keeps a sharp
lookout. If there is TO be or not to be a
White House conference on the railroad
question, on finance. or What-not. MI
Crane knows about it. Other statesmen
may say this, that, or the other about
rumored conferences. but the quiet. unos-
tentateous. and likable Massachusetts
Senator knows It is his pleasure and his
business 10 know. he could have been
Secretary Of the Treasury long ago had
be not preferred the Senate, but he chose
the Senate because ne can do more things
there-and aave more fun
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17
Values.

From the Chicago Tribune.
7 see, observed the man in the mack
intosh, that some fishermen captured a
stranded whale somewhere on the Allan
tic coast the other day. and sold its car
cass for S1.70O. I wonder what a full
grown shark is WORTH
Il know something about sharks, said
the man with the brass watch chain.
There's one that holds me up for S a
month on a so debt. He's probably worth
half million, but If ever 1 get a good
chance at him his carcass won't be
worth cents"
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17
A LITTLE NONSENSE
A LESSON FoR LADS.

Some claim St Patrick was a Gaul while
others say he came from Spain.
Some writer's state that he was tall, and
had a thick and fiaxen name.
Some claim that somewhat dark was he,
and built upon stOuter plan.
But on one point all hands agree. St
Patrick was a gentle man.
We might from this a lesson learn. one
hundred years from now or 50
When strangers DER our ashes turn, about
US they will little know.
We cannot all of US be great. but through
life's brief and narrow span
The good saint each may initiate, and be.
Ike him, a gentle mani
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17
Feminine Eeonomr.

Z wonder what Jack thousht?'
what about?"
He wrote me that If 1 consented to
marry him I should wire the one word,
Yes
Ard did you2"
Yes only ] said it ten times TO get
my moneys worth out of the telegraph
company"
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17
scare That WOMB Work.

From the Atlanta Constitution
The indications point very strongly to
the fact that the railroad presidents are
trying 10 scare somebody out of the eff
forts ehat are being made to get a
square deal for the people.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17
THE MODERN TRIAL.

Writers and experts fast assembling;
Artists with eager pencils trembling;
Defendant ON his nerve. assembling
His calm or fury:
Attorneys. loud and consequential:
Friends. fashionable. and influential:
And somewhere. awkWardly essential,
\ judge and juTy.
That lady in the corner. pray.
How came she here on sueL a das?
Her garments never saw Broadway;
Poor. plain. neglected
She's carried with her 20 this spot
4 pair Of scales. all rJsty-Whati
Tis iusticeY ! had most forgot
She vas expected.
New York Tfuas
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17
Comparisons Are Odious.

7 TOM ne y, LOUIS ItcpubIlc.
Russia is disturbed because bandits Sc
cured fifteen thousand Tubles in a recent
raid. We know of several American ban
dts who have secured several millions in
comparatively recent raids-but why pur-
sue q painful subject?
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17
THE GRIP AND THE KISS
n bIaming lhe - for troubIe.

I'm blaming The doctors for trouble
Their foolishness brought me to this.
They say that the germs Of diseases are spread
By a kiss
Now I'm down with the grip and I'm aching
Ny wife ceases not 70 upbraid:
She says that she'll give peace till she learn
The name Of the maid.
detroit Free Press.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17
Seeking Conservation.

From the Providence Journal
And now the President is the great
conservative 20 whom all the railway
finanCiers are flying for protection. Il is
all a matter of comparison.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17

Since il has been determined that fish
can hear By means of ii newly invented
instrument, IL will be interesting TO some
of those that got away to learn what gi-
gantic regulations they have on dry land
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17

The railroad presidents will come to
Washington; also they will not That s
about as correct information as the public
usually gets concerning the movements
of these gentlemen.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17
"FrieT IShip."

rs she your friend?" No I've no use
for her"
I've heard that selfish phrase, times
without end
Who says it Means unless I greatly err.
Whom ] cannot find use for's not my
friend "
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17

50 to 5s.s. As long as that remains true
why worry about the Dreadnoughts and
the Skeered o Nothings.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17
LittIe Choice Between 'Em.

From the indianapolis News
Or. as Uncle Vim Hin sees it. govern
ment ownership of railroads would mere
" be exchanging an octopus for an ele-
phant
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17
QuuIihcd.

! never could get
Any sense
From "a time-table-yet
I'm not dense:
So ! think that I am qualified, without
further preparation
For a Job In the information
Bureau AT a union station
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17

"TEe pay that a fellow gets for a re-
vamped joke" began the press humorist.
dubiously
''Weu?"
us that tainted money!"
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17

Missouri has created the Office of bee
inspector. Messrs. Fairbanks, Taft, Bryan,
ct al will probably view this innovation
with some degree of alarm.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17
The Trouble.

Il see the authorities have the shells. -
what shclls?"
The shells in this Brownsville affair. -
But nobody seems 10 be able TO locate
The pea"
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17

The conduct of that French battle ship
again brings 10 mind the fact that they
are almost as good at committing suicide
as they are at causing trouble for an
tagonists.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17

Conditions have greatly improved since
II left St Petersburg, SAYS former Am
bassadOr Won Meyer. Still, we should
never have been so impoiite as TO mention
the matter
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17

Long Beach. California resort. is to
have women policemen-or policesses. or
whatever il is. Instead of ''billies," they
viii probably be armed with hat pins.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17

A Pennsylvania paper complains be-
cause the legislature of that State enacts
so few new laws. 1t isn't often that a
PENNSYLVANIA legislature receives so fine a
Commitment
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17
Too Much.

"Enough-enough,' he groaned. 4 can
bear no mOre,"
But YOU begged me-" she said TO tell
you all. I must 20 on: Nine yards Of un-
hleached muslin, two spOols Of No. -
thread two yards of goods like this sam
pie, "a dozen eggs. a gallon of molasses-
and don't forget to tell the butcher
that"
But he had fed
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17
Quite SO.

In a few weeks the fsh will begin to
brag about the tremendous big men they
have gotten away from.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17

The Dayton News says that the Thaw
trial TO date has cost about $3.50. coo. This
is enough to give the taxpayers a violent
attack OF brain-storm.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17

Hon Hoke Smith proposes 20 be inau-
gurated governor of Georgia in the open
air All the Georgia Hokeites VIII now
have a chance to join in the fun.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17

What the rabble, as well as the patri-
clan, is new eagerly awaiting to hear Is
Play ball!"
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17

Those South Carolina ducks probably do
not care what we do with our ex- Presi-
dent, provided IL is something else than
what he is doing now.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17
His Money TnIks.

From the Cleveland Leader.
Il think / talk too much" says Mr..
Rockefeller. No its what you've got
that does that.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17

The price Of asphalt has been advanced
% per cent. And yet asphalt is not
wholesome article OF food.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17
Fred Landfs' successor.

The Hon Fred Lands Democratic sue
cessor has set himself a hard task in the
next Congress. He is even younger than
Mr.. Landis only thirty while Mr. lands
is tEirty-fye. and be declared when IN
Washington the other day that he con-
sidered it his duty to throw partisanship
% the winds when he shall take his seat
I'm the House. His name is George W
RauCh. I know. Of course" he said
that I am indebted % Republicans for
my success, for there aren't enough Dem
ocrats in my district 90 have elected nae
over the 5000 plurality given for lands in
1874. For that reason ! feel IL my duty 10
throw partisauship 10 the winds. as did
the men who elected me- II is but an
other indication OF the tendency Of the
times 10 cut away from party and leader
and vote according 10 personal judgment
shall try 20 DO my best 10 carry that
knowledge into the conduct Of such affairs
as shall To- intTusted 20 me in the next
session of Congress. MT. Bauch VIII IND
that he has set himself z hard task. on
every important subject OF legislation his
party will hold a caucus, and If he would
stand well among his Democratic col
leagues, be will obey the mandate of the
caucus. This viii largely govern his
action in committee and on the floor.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17

The statement that picture hats are full
.0f microbes was probably started by some
mean thing in order to depress the Easter
bonnet market
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17

A London paper says 'men like TO be
bossed. An American paper says
women try to please their husbands "
There you are,
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17

Mr. Hartman says he is going TO talk
more freely with the newspaper men"
But is he going to say anything?
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17

The President is said to call Mr.. Taft
Will 1t is also understood that this
VIII is the Presidents alternative for
the Roosevelt won't"
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17

The citizens of SebastoDol have peti-
toned for the removal Of the governor
because every time some one throws a
bomb at him a let of innocent bystanders
get killed Thus does the worm turn.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17

That Duglistic Albanian who knocked
Editor John Temple Graves down came
around the next day and Handsomely
apologized for his act Apologies. how
ever, butter no Darsnips nor make less
needful the arnica.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17

The evidence of the alienist seems in
variably TO be on the 8 de of the party
who pays the fee.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17

The fact that soup is going out of fash
ION may account for the further fact that
mustaches are coming in agaln.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17

Argentina reports another crop failure.
That's what became of that old Kansas
scarecrow.
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17

The craftsmanship of the American gun
ners IN the navy. as compared with that
Of the British under Ike conditions, is as
The Washington herald., 1907-03-17
Also Easter Bonnets.

The market seems 10 be panicxy."
Very"
II wish violets would drop off a few
points