Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1907-01-24
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Burglar-I1ave | gotten everything1
Dimpleton-Do you expect me to tell
that? Burglar-I think you ought, as
a matter of honor.-Judge.
Castleton-About how much does it
cost to run a steam yacht? Highblow-
er-lf 1t makes any difference to you,
you can't afford it.-Judge.
Her Father-What are you and
young Shortleigh going to live on in
case you marry? His Daughter-Well,
If you must know, papa look in the
mirror.-Tit-Bits.
do you believe in marrying Cor 'oye
alone" he asked. "Oh, yes" replied
the bright little lady who had Just re-
turned from South Dakota; Il always
do.'-Chicago Record-Herald.
Il believe old Grabbittson would give
his soul for money" Yes, and he'd
probably get more than it was worth,
no matter how small the amount hap
pened to be."-Chicago Record Herald.
Old Boozer-No, passon; tell e |
iitNCl tOuIu sNdlIcE llldI yarn NDOut
Samson and them ere Philistines.
Pars0n-Really Well. it's about
the only thing you couldn't swallow
Scraps
'Bobbie, l hope you didn't tell your
mother that you saw me kissing sister
last night" "Nope. l didn't have to-
Sis walked us all up at midnight when
you went home and told it herself
Minneapolis Journal.
DO you approve of spelling re-
formT YES" answered the adaptable
citizen. ''The only objection is that it
consumes more time remembering to
spell the new way than it does to put in
the extra letters. Washington Star.
She-I can't bear actors they're so
you don't think I'm conceited. do you?
She (seeking to recover herself)-Oh,
Of course not. I mean the big ones
the little ones don't count.-Sacred
Heart Review.
He-I don't like your friend, Miss
Knox. She told an acquaintance Of
mine that l was perfect idiot. She
Oh, I'm sure she didn't mean It. She
knows as we'll as anyone else that no
human being Is absolutely perfect
Brooklyn Citizen.
Wigg-The last I saw Of you Young
pop was talking you to death anout his
baby. How did you get rid Of him?
Wagg-Oh, some fellow came along
who had just bought an automobile. so
l introduced them and made my escape. |
philadelphia Record.
Small Girl with smaller, brotber)-I
How much is it to Shepherds Bush?
Box Office Clerk-Tuppence. I've told
you that five times already. Small Girl
Yes. | know; but little Willy likes
to see you come to the window; IT re- |
minds him of the zoo.-Sketch.
Tom-Well, darling, l have seen your
father and he has given his consent.
Grace-He approves Of love in a cot
tage, then? NO, but he says that
girl who spends as much time gclfing
and motoring as you do really has not
much need of a home."-Tattlec.
where was he struck by the auto
mobile?" asked the coroner. AT the
junction of the dorsal and cervical YER
tebrae," answered the surgeon. "Will
you please point that out on the map?'
asked the coroner indicating Jne that
hung on the wall.-Chicago tribune.
"Mr Merchant" said the new clerk,
preparing to ask for more pay, Il
think | understand the business pretty
we'll now, and "Yes?" interrupt
ed his employer. well, keep at it
four or five years. Perhaps you'll un-
derstand it then as well as you think
YOU do w."-Philadelphia Press.
In a trolley accident in New Eng
land an Irishman was badly hurt The
next day lawyer called on him and
asked If he intended to sue the COM
pany for damages. 'Damages| said
Pat. looking feebly over his bapdages.
Sure, | have thin already. I'd loike
to sue the railway for repairs, sor. av
veil take the case"-Youth's Compan-