Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1907-12-27
GR|D|RON CLUB GRILL
Men Prominent In Public Lie
Made Targets For Fun.
FAIRBANKS SERVED UP HOT.
skit en- Fsm0u, Cocktail 10 Chief iser,
ct Dinner OF Washington Club-Ciear-
inc House Certificates In Place OF
Man. caras-Fun With Pacific Fleet.


Msnu caras-Fun With Pacific Fleet
For Just a minute II looked as II
somebody had made mistake at the
Gridlron clubs dinner In Washington
the other night. When. after the usu'
nj speech made in the dark by Presi'
dent Samuel q. Blythe. as the guests
entered. the lights suddenly flannel on
again In the big dining room " the
Hotel Willard. there wasn't cocStail
TO be seen. says a Washington special
dispatch 10 the New York World
The guests were too polite to say
ANYTHING about II. but member no
tic~d IL and. springing 10 his feet. de
nauded 20 know where the cocktails
were. The president called on the
chairman Of the committee which had
charge OF them TO explain. and he ex
planned In song with rousing
chorus that the omission was on ac'
count OF the disastrous results OF serv-
ing cocktails at certain dinner IN
Indiana. Then, producing large glass
Of buttermilk. he walked up TO Vice
President Fairbanks and handed II 10
Aim, singing TO the air OF Bud
Wetser:'
And now. Mr.. Fairbanks will you drink
this cocktail?
Its simple and harmless and dry.
And not to alarm you We say won't
harm YOU
10 don't be too shrinking and shy.
You surely will say as you sip Its hne
favor.
Il thank YOU, indeed, for this boom
Unle.. you confess. as you will, We all
guess,
You intend to be dry-till next June"
The vice president took the glass Of
buttermIlk and drank 1t amid the
cheers Of the $50 guests. Then the
real cocktails were served. and the
dinner was ON.
1t hadn't gone far. however, before
q member Of the club arose and In
formed the chair that he wanted 10
ask Secretary Metcalf question. The
secretary obligingly rose. and the In
Quirer demanded:
"Why is the Atlantic feet going TO
the Pacihc?"
The secretary lodged.
"Oh, WELL" said President Blythe.
''the Gridiron club knows II you don't.
The feet is going to the Pacific 10 help
make you United States senator from
California"
In place Of the usual menu card a
p clearing house certificate was furnish.
Cd to each guest with each course. GER
flying In the usual form that the
GrIdirpn club had deposited securities
upon which this certificate was issued
and that the certificate entitled the
bearer TO one portion Of soup. fish OF
whatever the course was. Each OF
these certificates bore some cheering
motto relating to the course, such as
the following:
you take care Of the fowl and Uncle
Joe will look after Fowler"
What is the difference between ter
saptn Maryland and the department OF
Iusticei The terrapin has been relieved
Of its Bony Part and the department
hasn't"
This game roast quaih is guaran
teed not to be as tough as the one Cor
telyou Is up against.
"Why is this coffee like the Eve mil
lion dollar conspiracy? 1t has NJ
grounds"
"Why Is our chicken gumbo iik
the relations between Roosevelt ant
Hughes? Strained. See?"
Then q member Of the club aros,
and led the Gridron songsters IN
song addressed to Secretary Cortelyo'
to the good old air of "Peekaboo.
It was about Cortelyou's gum sho
campaign for the presidential cRud!
Aacy.
III you ask him to speak, he Just shake
his head
And Will not affirm or deny
But when he goes home each night fror
his work
He looks for his star in the sky.
Hs's mute. dumb and silent and don't sa
And wears his gum shoes every day.
But he'll have a leased wire to Chicag
next June.
Hoping to hear them say
Here the singer. followed by hi
Cortslyou was sitting and. pointing hi
1nger at him. sang the chorus:
''Cortelyou. Cortelyou.
Come from behind your chair;
Cortelvou. Cortelyou,
We see you hiding there!'
After the guests had eaten in peac
ter about ten minutes they were sue
denly interrupted by the incursion c
. number Of fat colonies on practic
d. ooln al oil ta
On sticks with horses heads, and Q
these they galloped wildly through th
room and out
The drst class In natural history col
yened to discuss nature taking ju:
after the roast quail was served an
asked and answered questions liz
this:
WAS the story about Mrs. O'Leary
COW kicking over the lamp that eau
I'd the FIRE a nature fake?"
ut wasn't Mrs. O'Leary's COW tn;
kicked over the lamp and started tt
Ore. II was Heinz's."
How about the statement that mo
~ taiksT
''If 1t does the president must be II
richest man In the world
as there any such person as SAM
Claus"
"No; he has been superseded
George r. Cortelyou."
you have heard Colonel Watterson
designation of the senators rs old era
wolves. Do you suppose gray VIC
Of the senate could do like W.
Longs wolf and bite deer in Il
ehest?"
"Pshaw. A sepasor wouldn't do tn
to dear"