The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1907-04-21
TWAIN INSTRUCTS mr.. DOOLEY
Gives Irish Humorist a Lesson IN
the Game of Billiards.
However, Begs His
Friends Not TO Talk About IL.
How He ''Dfd" Mr. Dalton.

Last night. al a dinner party where
was present. Mr.. Peter Dunno Dooley
handed to the host several dollars, in
satisfaction of a lost bet / seemed 70 see
an opportunity TO better my condition,
and I invited Dooley, apparently disin-
terestedly, 10 come 10 my house Friday
and play billiards, writes Mark Twain in
his Autobiography. now being pub
Iished in the North American Review. He
accepted. and l judge that there is going
to be a deficit i'm the Do0ley treasury as a
result. In great qualities of the heart
and brain. Dooley is gifted beyond all
propricty He is brilliauH; he is an eX-
pert with his pen. and he easily stands
at the head of all the satirists of this
generation-but he is going to walk in
darkness Friday afternoon. It Will be a
fraternal kindness 10 teach him that with
all his light and culture, he does not
know all the valuable things; and it viii
also be a frateTnal kindness TO him TO
complete his education for him-and {
shall do this on Friday. and send him
home in that perfected condition.
I possess a billiard secret which can be
valuable to the Dooley sept, after shall
have conferred It upon Dooley-for a con
sideration. It is a discovery which ]
made by accident, thirty-eight years ago,
in my father-in-laW' house in Elmira.
There was a Scared and battered and
ancient billiard table in the garnet, and
along with il a peck OF checked and
Clipped balls, and = rackful Of crooked
and headless cues. I played solitaire up
there every day with that difficult OUTFIT
The table was not level, but slautec
sharply to the southeast; there wasn't .
ball that was round. or would complete
the journey you started it on, but would
always get tired and stop halfway and
settle, with a jolly wabble to a stand
stiI on its Clipped side. / tried making
counts with four balls, but found it diff
cult and discouraging 50 I added a fifth
ball, then a sixth, then seventh, and
kept on adding. until at last / had tWelvs
balls on the table and a thirteenth to play
with. My game was CarOms-carOm'
sOlely-CarOms plain, or carOms with cush.
ion to help-anything that could furnish
4 count In the course of time / found
TO my establishment that l was never abls
I to run fifteen. under any circumstances
I By budding the balls advantageOusiy II
/ the beginning, l could now and then cOas
/ fourteen out Of them, but 1 couldn't reacl
fifteen by either luck or skill. Sometimes
/ the balls would get scattered into difficult
positions and defeat me in that way
| sometimes. If I managed to keep then
! together. would freeze; and always
when ] froze, and had to play away from
/ the contact, there was sure to be nothing
10 play at but a wide and uninhabiteC
vacancy.
/ One day Mr. Dalton called on my broth
er-in-law, on a matter OF business, and
was asked if ! could entertain him a Will
until my brother-in-law should finish al
] engagement with another gentleman.
said 1 could, and took him up to the bill
! lard table. I had played with him man!
times at the club. and knew that nc woul,
] play billiards, tolerably well-only toler