Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1907-10-15


Dot Injecting Johnny ~ have found
sou out. Johnny--What am L? Dot
Nobody. Johnny-Goodness gracious,
am discovered!
Pa-Why did you go out in the rain
today without an umbrella, JohnY
JOHNNY ate salt mackerel this morn
ing for breakfast, and that keeps me
dry.
Johnny-Say, dad. if l ate chop
and you ordered one and ate it, what
would your phone number be? Pa
Give it UP, son. Johnny-It would be
s ID.
Little Edna-W What is leisure"
mamma? Mamma-It's tbe spare time
a woman has in which she can do some
other kind of work, my dear. Chicago
Daily News.
He (sententiously)- always speak
my mind. She (tartly)--I suppose
that is why you have the reputation OF
being man of so few wores.--Ralu-
more American.
Mother-Whatever are you doing to
poor dolly, child? Child-I'm just go
Ing to put her to bed, mummy. I've
taken off her hair, but can't get her
teeth out--Sourire.
Old Lady (improying the occaslonl-
You know, heys, It's only the body
which lies here Now, what is it goes
to Heaven? Small Boy tentatively
is cad, mum.-Pick-M e-Up.
Nell-Yes, she said her husband mar.
ried her for her beauty. What do you
think of that? Believed, think her
husband must feel like widower now.
Catholic Standard and Times.
Mistress Bridget, have you cement
ed the handle on to the water-juS
which you dropped yesterday? Bridget
II started to, Mum, but most unfor.
tllnately dropped the cement bottle
Punch.
THE body Of the late Major links
was cremated." what they goin' to
do with it," "IIis widow has him
corked up in fruit jar Says It's the
last Of the family jars. Atlanta Con-
stitution.
The Wife, during n quarrel-I'm go
Ing right home to mother; 50 therel
The Husband-That's right, dear, Of
two evils always choose the less. Please
don't bring your mother here.-Yon-
kers Statesman.
Pa-You naughty boy, you've been
fighting again. Johnny-No, pa, was
only trying to keep a bad boy from
hurting little boy. Pa-That was p
noble act, my son: who was the little
boy? JohnTy-Me.
Department Store Manager
clerk in the butter department says he's
not going to lie about our butter any
more. The Boss-What salary does he
get? Manager-Eight dollars a week.
The Boss-Give him nine.
Sweet Singer-De Hammer says he
has high place in the next show he
goes out with. Comedian-Well,
should say it is high. He sits in the
flies and tears up paper for the snow
storm scene.-Chicago News.
Dot heard your soldier brother
wrote you birthday letter. Was there
any war news in it? JOHNNY don't
know. You see it was printed on the
envelope Return in five days" So I
kept it that long and then sent 1t back.
Waiter Girl Tin restaurant) We've
got frogs legs chicken liyers, calves
brains and-Johnny turning to his
PAL say, dad, they must be queer
people who live in this place. Don't
you think they ought to call in doc
tor?
'Ts Mrs. Wise at homer" inquired
Mrs. Chatters, standing In the shadow
of the doorway. Il don't know, ma'am,'
replied the servant. 81 can't tell till I
git better look at We. If we've a war,
on the side O. yer nose, ma'am. she
ain't."-Phlladelphia Press.
THAR, my son, you see what larnin
done fer yer daddy, don't you:' What
maw?" "Why, jest as soon as the gov
er'mint knowed that he could do hggers
In his head they p'lnted him postmaster
at SEQ year, an purity soon he'll be
sellin' stamps what goes on letters !''--
Atlanta Constitution.
But" asked the proprietor Of the
Bongtong apartments, do you think
this man is the best one you can get foe
tanitor?" "The best eyer!" replied the
manager. "He has been at various
times an iceman and a street-car Goa
ductor. He's as sassy and Independent
as he can be."-Philadelphia Press.
"What / would like" said the eager
young actress, "ls part with death
scene In 1t. I never fail to make big
hit when / die" II don't doubt it."
replied the heartless manager, "aud
may say that you would make the big
gest hit Of your life If you would go
away somewhere and die right now
Chicago Record Herald.
Johnny (sittlng up In his bed at
u 80 D. m.)-Dad, I'm 30 thirsty. Pa
Lie quietly and go to sleep. Johnny
(after pause)-But, dad, | must have
a drink of water. I'm so thirsty. Pa
If you don't go to sleep this minute IN
have to thrash you. A long silence,
" en- Johnny replied-All right, dad IL
you're getting up to thrash me- you
might bring me glass of water at the
same time
How TO Enjoy Whist.