The Princeton union., 1907-04-18
CHAPTER XXXII.

CHAPTER XXXII.
she finished speaking Eve did
A not lower her eyes. To her
HAT there was no suggestion Of
81 shame in her thoughts or her
words, but to Loder, watching and lis
tening, there was a perilous meaning
contained in both.
'"Thankfulness? he repeated slowly.
From his newly stirred sense Of re-
sponsibility pity and sympathy were
gradually rising. He had never seen
Eve as he saw her now, and his vision
was all the clearer for the long OBJ
livion. With poignant sense Of COM
passion and remorse, the knowledge
Of her youth came to him-the youth
that some women preserve in the
midst Of the world when circum-
stances have permitted them to see
much, but to experience little.
'Thankfulness?" he said again in
credulously.
A slight smile touched her lips.
eyes," she answered softly-"thank-
fulness that my trust had been rightly
placed"
She spoke simply and confidently, but
the words struck Loder more sharply
than any accusation. With a heavy
sense Of bitterness and renunciation he
moved slowly forward.
"Eve," he said very gently, "you
don't know what you say"
She had lowered her eyes as he came
toward her. Now she lifted them in a
swift upward glance For the first
time since he had entered the room a
slight look Of personal doubt and un-
easiness showed in her face. "WhyY
she said. I'll don't understand"
For a moment he answered nothing.
He had found his first explanation over
whelming. Now suddenly it seemed to
him that his present difficulty was more
impossible to surmount II came here
tonight to tell you something" he be-
gan at last, "'but so far have only
said half"-
"Half?"
eyes, half" He repeated the word
quickly, avoiding the question in her
eyes. Then, conscious Of the need for
explanation, he plunged into rapid
speech.
"A fraud like mine," he said, "has
only one safeguard, one justification-a
boundless audacity. Once shake that
audacity and the whole motive power
crumbles. 1t was to make the audacity
impossible tell you the truth and
make it impossible-that I came to-
night. The fact that you already knew
made the telling easier, but it altered
nothing" ~.
Eve raised her head, but he went
resolutely on.
'Tonight," he said, II have seen into
my own life, into my own mind, and
my ideas have been very roughly shak-
en- into new places. .- 20 ..,,. .-.-.....-
1--WE never make so colossal q mis-
take as when we imagine that we know
ourselves. Months ago, when your
husband first proposed this scheme to
me, I was, according to my own con-
ception, solitary being vastly ill used
by fate, who, with a fine stoicism, was
leading clean life. That was what
I believed, but there, at the very out
set, I deceived myself. I was simply
a man who shut himself up because he
cherished a grudge against life and
who lived honestly because he had
constitutional distaste for vice. MY
first feeling when I saw your husband
was one of self righteous contempt,
and that has been my attitude all
along. I have often marveled at the
flood of intolerance that has rushed
over me at sight of him-the violent
desire that has possessed me to look
away from his weakness and Danish
the knowledge of it-but now I under
stand.
Il know now what the feeling meant.
The knowledge came to me tonight. It
meant that I turned away from his
weakness because deep within myself
something stirred in recognition of it.
Humanity is really much simpler than
we like to think, and human impulses
have an extraordinary fundamental
connection. Weakness is egotism, but
so is strength. Chilcote has followed
his vice; have followed my ambition.
1t will take higher judgment than
yours or mine to say which of us has
been the more selfish man." He paus-
ed and looked at her.
She was watching him intently.
Some of the meaning in his face had
found panied, alarmed reflection in
her own. But the awe and wonder of
the mornings discovery still colored
her mind too vividly to allow of other
considerations possessing their proper
value. The thrill of exultation with
which the misgivings born Of Chilcote's
vice had dropped away from her men
tai image of Loder was still too absorb
Ing to be easily dominated. She loved.
and as if by miracle her love had
been justified! For the moment the
justification was all suf1cing. Some
thing Of confidence, something of the
innocence that comes not from igno-
rance of evil, but from a mind singu-
larly uncontaminated, blinded her to
the danger of her position.