Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-09-07
Wears the Wrong Hat.

THAT is your painting hat, and had
1t hidden away on a shelf You must
have had to spend ten minutes looking
for it, and there you had two good ones
on the hall tree. You are very care
less man, Mr.. Bowser."
That's your usual song" he growled,
but will you tell me why you can't
stay home now and then and darn
my socks? Both of these have got
holes In the heels large enough to drive
a dog through. Is it any wonder that
i have corns and bunions and have to
hobble about like an old turkey with
frozen feet?'
will you please take off your shoe?"
she asked.
Eyes, l will, and / wish that all the
husbands and wives on this block were
here to see what I have to undergo.
There! DO you see them? Holes, Mrs.
Bowser-h-o-l-e-s.'
where did you get those socks this
morning?'
"Out of the sock bag. of course"
"And in the lower drawer of your
dresser are at least six new pairs you
have never had on your feety'
Mr. Bowser was taken aback for
moment, but soon rallied and said:
"But what can a husband expect
of a wife whose minister leaves the
gate wide open for stray hogs to come
in and root UP a thousand dollars
worth of flowers. The gas bill ought
to show q decrease of at least a dollar
this month, but you've kept the burn
ers going night and day in your ex-
travagant way, and the bill is probably
So more. BY John, but no wonder that
a man on the car the other day asked
me why 1 didn't get off the earth. 1
thought he meant it for an insult, but
I see now that he had been studying
my face and he pitied me, He realized
that l must long for restp'
and if you meet him again" said
Mrs, Bowser as she reached for the
gas bill on the mantel. "yOu might
show him that the bill for this month
Is only half what it was for the pre-
ceding one"
"Humph! Some hocus pocus about
that. suppose that front dOorbell is
out of order again by this time. You
can't be satisfied to press the button
same as other folks, but you must jab
at 1t with crowbar Fifty dollars to
get that Internal bell fixed again.
cit has been repaired just once in the
last three years, and the charge was
90 cents. The batteries had run out"
House Repairs Toe Much.
"But didn't the cook say something
a day or two ago about the lock on the
kitchen door being brokenf OF course
she did Took a hammer and stood
there deliberately and pounded away,
and you encouraged her. / sat down
this afternoon and figured up that the
repairs on this house solely on your
account cost me $4,000 a year"
"They don't cost q thousand cents, .
replied Mrs. Bowser. 81 have the bills
all filed away, and / looked them over
last week and found the cost less than
So. Twice you have blown up the fur
mace, and three times you have busted
! water pipes, but l am not responsible
for that"
But I'm telling you that you have
( bought ana wasted over 10000 dozen
clothespins in the last twelve months. =
shouted Mr.. BoWser as he brought his
fist down on his knee with q bang.
Il have bought just four dozen, and
all but five are in the basket now.
Come down and look"
Mr.. Bowser had no case. He knew
he hadn't when he begun lie had
been met at all points and defeated,
and his only recourse was to clap On
his hat and start off with the observa-
ton:
Driven from home! Driven from
my own Preside by the extravaganza
of my wife! Driven to the river to
end aIlr'
But two hours later he softly enter
ed the house and crept into bed with
out a word. AS he wandered the
streets two tramps whom he turned
down took after him and ran him to
his own doorsteps and chilled his blood
with dire threats. M. QUAD.
Just Kids.