davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-03-09
The Kid Speaks.

NV fathers headpiece isn't cracked,
Though you might think it, for fact
He talks the strangest sort Of rot
And jabbers like an idiot;
I can't tell half the time what he
Is trying to convey to me,
But mother can and not half try
She's lived with him more years than I.
FOR instance, he says "nen" for then"
'.And then" he changes to IAN EN-"
with list for Gust and lat" for
that"
Ee keeps me guessing where ne's at
He twists ard tortures every word
Or SO. 1t seems to me absurd.
And mother says he won't outgrow II
Because 'by trade he is 2 poet.
she says he fills the family purse
By writing yards and yards Of verse
Like this: Las night list after tea
My pa he taxed me on his knee
Men ma she laffed list fit to kill
An EN- she said to Uncle BIZ,
Now, Wil-yum. don't you think that he
Is 'ist as cute as he can bc?'
An en- my uncle lated: Tia, Ia.
Hee, hee! FIo. hol 'Ist ike his pa!
They sound to me like awful drooi
These poems Of the ian en-" school
-PUoh
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-03-09
- - 49, 80 shovaI.

with burdened look upon his mug he
His mitts. and then. with shovel firmly
He makes grim onslaught on the snowy
porch
IN manner quite heroic. Frequently
He pauses, looks around 70 see if he's
Observed from neighborins windows. II
he isl
He straightway chesty gets, for then he
knows
They think he's all the cpoam. And soft
he SAYS.
"Ch. I'm the noble husband every time"
The porch cleaned Of. The pipes the snow
CLAD walk
That stretches out hundred feet or
more
And thinks It's time for him to catch his
car.
But he must finish or endure a pilzer's lot
And SO he shovels on and on, and for a
change
lie also sometimes shovels off and or.
At last when aI is done and muscles
Comes floating from the kitchen. John,
To feed the furnace. for 7 think it's
neatly euti'
Milwaukee Sentinel
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-03-09
The Limit.

The stranger halted on the edge Of
the hobo camp
eve are SO hungry, mister" yawned
the lanky hobo in the old tall hat.
"Then why don't you go out and beg
at the nearest farmhouse?" asked the
stranger.
"We are all so tired no one will vol
unteer, so we are going to shake dice
to see who must perform the painful
duty"
'Well, what is the delay?'
''Why, we are waiting for an earth
quake, boss, to come along and shake
the dice box."-Detroit Free Press.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-03-09
A Joke In a Serious Place.

Certainly no one would think Of read
ing a dictionary for amusement o.
pleasure-as the IrishInan said, he
would lose the thread of the story In
the great mass of detail. Nor would
one expect to find jokes in such book
barring Mark Twain's about the car
buncle But that learned and other
wise serious dictionary, the Century,
contains at least one laughable entry
Under the word question" is the fol
lowing:
ITO pop the question--see pop,"--Nev
York Times.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-03-09
A wonder.

A number of military men in a
Washington hotel were giving an ac-
count of an incident of the civil war.
A quiet man who stood by at last said:
Gentlemen, | happened to be there
and might be able to refresh your
memory as to what took place in refer
ence to the event just narrated"
The hotel keeper said to him:
''Sir, what might have been your
rankY'
Il was a private"
Next day the quiet man as he was
about to depart asked for his bill.
''Not a cent, sir; not a cent" an
swered the proprietor. you are the
very first private I ever met."-New
York Times
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-03-09
TRAMP HAD TO BE SHOWN.
His Scheme to Get an Apple Did Not
Work at Grocery.


Work at Grocery.
''Sir," said the tramp to the grocer
as he turned lis back to the hot stove
aud looked longingly at basket of red
apples, 1.-The returns to the agricultural
department this year show that the APP
pie crop reached the enormous yield of
over 1J0,OOG,Uv0 barrels. saying nothing
of those saved OFT for ciG1c.''
Don't doubt il at al" said the
groce:
Under t.3s> circumstances doesn't
it Look 10 va as Il you might spar
me oGe Sin.c,e applet"
Not n al"
Sir" co. -iaccI tie trar,p as he
backed two inches nearer the sto"e,
AL medical mon a.e agreed thst the
apple is . necessity - hu.Aln l.ea. !.
The system needs taa pAoGpAates con
tanned in such fruit. You agree with
me. do your
Il would have agreed with you z
year ago. bat now it's different. Some
thing better has been found. See
here"
And he took the tramp by the shout
der and led him to the door and gave
him a shove out into the cold world.
The man returned, looked through the
window ana said:
''Oh, I'm not kicking at all. This is
a world of improvement, and if I'm a
year behind the times it's my fault
and I'm not saying a word. If shov
ing is better than phosphates, why.
showing it is.'-Deuoit Tribune.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-03-09
Pernlsxina Associations.

The frequent association Of things be-
tween which there is no obvious con
nection is always rather perplexing,
says Barry Pain. Why do vegetarians
generally believe in votes for women?
Why are good chess players generally
fond Of coffee? Why have artists gen
orally got pleasant voices? Why are
humorous writer's mostly melancholy
people: / suppose there is an explana-
ton if one could think 1t out
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-03-09
The Evils OF Divorce.

Wilfred and Elsie were quarreling
over a costly doll. Wilfred had good
grip Oh the dolls leg, and Elsie held on
TO the china head with both hands.
They pulled and quarreled simulta-
neously.
Elsie came mammals voice from
somewhere in the kitchen, whats ali
that noise abOut?"
After a short pause Elsie replied:
''Nothin', ma. We're only playin' di-
vorce, an Wilfred's fightin' for the
custody of our doll."-Judge.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-03-09
Experience of Rising
Young Politicas
~ OH find it interesting. do vou

0N you find it interesting, do you
not, Mr.. Klymer," said the
4 young woman with the specta-
cles and the high forehead, Ito watch
the variations of the index number
from time to time as recording either
the effect OF the administration attI.
tude toward the vested interests OF
the country or the fluctuations in the
standard of value?"
"Er-yes, exceedingly" said the ris-
ting young politician.
"The ordinarily accepted opinion, Of
course, is that a rise or fall Of prices
Is in accordance with the law OF sup
ply and demand as relates to commodi-
ties in general, but you doubtless have
grasped the fundamental idea that
these record merely the appreciation
or depreciation of the monetary stand
ard, more or less money being requir,
ed to purchase a given article of mer.
chandise, the variation taking visible
form in an apparent increase in the
general level of prices? Is ii not SOP"
"Why-h'm"-
''You hesitate to commit you self
perhaps on account of questions OF
policy and eXpediency, until the align
ment of the great parties as to the alb
stract questions involved has become
more sharply defnedF
"Heavensp' he exclaimed half az
hour later as he made his escape. II
don't mind a merely intellectual young
woman. but this ones q fnancier and
a political economist, and I'm burned
IL l don't believe she was making fun
of mep'-Chicago Tribune
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-03-09
An NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS..

"How do you get on with your titled
son-in-law?"
pretty we'll" answered Mr. Cum
rox, "only it's kind of embarrassing to
have to address a man as your grace
when you are calling him down for
spending too much money."-Washing
ton Star
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-03-09
FIvino Streak,

Gunner-SO the rich De BulliOns live
up in that magnificent mansion?
Guyer-Yes, and they have yellow
streak in the family.
Gunner-You don't say! Where is it?
Guyer-Why, that was it that just
swept by like cyclone Their racing
automobile is painted yellow, you
know-Chicago News.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-03-09
An Antidote.

"Chawfer mistook his antifreeze au-
tomobile preparation for water and
drank a glass Of it,"
What effect cid it have on him|
"Why. he's lost all his taste for rec
cream and frozen pudding. "-Cleve-
land Plain Dealer.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1907-03-09
To Make 1t Tender.

Waiter" called the customer in the
restaurant where an orchestra was
playing.
eyes, sah."
Kindly tell the leader of the orches'
ira to play something sad and low
while l dine l want to see If it won't
have a softening influence on this
eak."-MilWaukee Sentinel
Arizona republican., 1907-11-30

dicrs rho made themselves agreeable to the girls proved a dismal Failure. The men Of the One Hundred and Forty second were husk.' and hard hitters and stood together when threat ened by numbers. The country boys at last determined 90 get square with the girls who accepted attentions from the soldiers.
 The word was therefore passed
 around that any girl who was detected in talking. walking or flirting with
 "musketeer'' or receiving visits from
 one. should be boycOtted-they have adopted tho word into Cerman-at the dance which was to follow the religious services at thc close of the harvesting A notice to this effect was even print
 ed in the Bruchsal newspaper. It
 seemed quite settled that the girls who
 smiled on the soldiers should have no
 partners at the great event of the year.
 But the young men altogether under
 estimated the loyalty of the girls to
 each other. IT. the vcr-' next number
 of the BruchSal paper there appeared
 notice of the unanimous resolve of all the maidels cc Forst tO boycott com
 pletely the local youth at the coming
 
 dance 4 .ormal invitation was fur | ther conveyed tO the members Ot the li2d regiment to come tO the dance. Y with an assurance that the:- would not . lack gartners so far as the FOrst girls would go round. The young women's | notice. ended with the patriotic words: ! "It 6 -ut c'-ar 10 ms Hh.' We should
 b. expected to treat the soldiers slight | inglv. Are the.- -ot as good men as our lads in Fo-st; And wh.- should the poor soldier who serves his God.
 his prince and his fatherland have no | one to sa. 2 kind word to him?" This was signed The Association of Girls of Forst for the Improvement of ! Foreign Relations. Especially with Regiment No. Ii2" Negotiations for
 a truce it Is reported. were not wholly
 unsuccessful. and no engagements were | broken
Arizona republican., 1907-11-30
COMING SHARPSHO0TERS
 OF NEXT GENERATION
The Growing Interest of School Boys
 in Rifle Practice.

Washington. D. C.. Nov. 23.-(Spec- iaI Correspondence of the Republican, Gratifying progress is reported for tLe movement 10 interest school boys in rife practice At recent meet ing of the National Rifle Association directors the bylaws were amended so as to include among the affiliated organizations rifle clubs organized in institutions of learning. divided into two classes. colleges and schools. The former clubs are to be composed of students in colleges and universities conferring degrees: the latter in public preparatory nigh and private schools and academies not conferring degrees. In either case not less than twenty members must belong to the club be- fore 1t can be affiliated. These clubs have the privilege, enjoyed by other clubs affiliated with the National Rifle Association, of purchasing arms and ordnance stores from the government at government prices. The National Rifle Association will give prize to each club annually for competition among the members and later code will probably be adOpted with suit able decoration for students qualifying under il. Among the clubs recently organized and affiliated with the N. R. 4. are the Bordentown (N. JD Military Academy; Montclair tN. J) Military Academy: Stamford (Conn) High School: Culver HndD Military Acad. emy: Kemper Military School. Bonn vile. Mo: RiVeryiew Academy. Pcughkeepsle. N. Y.: University of California. Berkeley. Cal: University of Maine, Orono. Me: University of Nebraska. Lincoln, Neb.; College of St. Thomas. St. Paul, Minn.; Hamilton In- stitute New York City: and St. Mat
 thews Military Academy, Burlingame, Cal.
 In connection with the work of in teresting school boys in rifle practice lit may be assumed that sixty or seventy per cent of any large body of volunteers would be under the age of twenty-five years. When young men get started on their business car eers al eighteen and twenty years of age il is hard for them to find time to practice with small arms and it is therefore regarded as highly desirable that the ground work should be laid
 
 trusting that their interest would then be maintained through later years. Much has been accomplished in this direction by the Public Schools Ath- letic League of New York City. which has installed a number of sub target guns and which has provided prizes for outdoor matches. In connection with this work the first indoor tourna- ment for school boys will be held in New York City Dec. 23rd. to Jam, ith. The National Rifle Association will build q rifle range at the Forest Fish. Game and SpOrtsman's Exhibition at the Grand Central Palace, especially for school boy matches. IL is expected at least fourteen out of the nineteen high schools in New York will be re- presented by teams, as well as Jersey City. Paterson. Elizabeth. Stamford. Conn, and perhaps Baltimore and Washington. The military academies will have team matches among them
Arizona republican., 1907-11-30

selves. Most of the matches will be shot on fifty foot range with the New Springfield GU. s. A. military rifle) 22 gallery model. both standing and prone positions being used. Re duced rates will be given to enable boys from outside New York to attend, and in addition to the numerous prizes all those making a qualifying score will be given the N. R. A. Junior Marksman's" medal The shooting will be in charge of such experts as Capt. K. k V. Casey. Captain W. A. Tewes. Capt. George Corwin. and others. and D. C. Ward Crampton. Physical DIrec- tor of the New York Schools. will he in attendance.
 Gen. James A. Drain. of New York, president of the National Rifle Asso- citation, is making a tour of the states organizing state rifle associations to affiliate with the national association. and 1t is expected that as the result of his trip a number of new organiZa- tions will be effected. It is noticeable those states which are at the head of the list for percentage in markham ship. are those which have such state
 
 an organized body through which to cultivate interest in rifle-practice, to manage the matches and to solicit and take care of prizes. The organization fee has been reduced from s25 to S10, and to each state association is annu- ally presented handsome bronze cup for competition among its members. The usual method of forming a state organization Is for the Adjutant Gen eral to send ont a call for a meeting at his office or the office of the Gov ernor inviting all officers of the na- tional guard of his state 10 be present. A permanent organization can ne ef- fected by the election of officers and the appointment of at committee on ! bylaws and organization. The State Inspector of Rifle Practice, or the State Secretary of the x. R, A, Is generally elected secretary of the new ] organization and the Governor or Ad- juctant General as President It is al- so recommended that the civilian shooting element be recognized by re- presentation among the officers.
 ' The Navy Department is making ar engagements to procure a suitable range for small arms practice for the fleet while on the Pacific coast. There Is coo yard range at Mare Island anu one of 900 yards at Yerba Buena. but neither are suitable for extensive long range practice. It is therefore likely that a range swill be acquired on the Pacific coast to correspond with the one at Guantanamo. Cuba, which with the one at Olongapo will give the navy ranges Cn the Atlantic and Paci- fife coasts and in the Philippines. The Guantamo range. which Is nearing complication. will be the finest and best i equipped in the world. Two thousand men day can be handled on it.
Arizona republican., 1907-11-30
No Time Lost.

A dozen of us stood on the platform waiting for the eastbOund train tO come along. when a sawed-off and business looking colored woman des- cended from a cart drawn by mule. and, walking up to the cOlOred man who was checking a trunk. she said:
 -Sah. your name am Moses Fr&y?"
 ''Yes'm.'' he replied as he looked mp.
 Do you dun wanter marry wilder woman wid a mewl and ten acres of land?"
 ''No ma'am. l dun don't
 "Dat's all I wanter know bout you. I will now step in and See de agent and see if he's dun gwine to pay me dolliar for de hawg de railroad killed two months ago"
 We followed her in. and she walked up to the tick,t office and said:
 See we're. white man. dis railroad dun killed my hawg."
 -Yo umust see the president" he an- swered.
 Look yere, white man. it's a dollar fur dat hawg or l kick de doah in and begin to yell"
 'Tll give you a half if you'll never come here again"
 Hand it out
 And when she had the silver piece she tied 1t up fin a corner of her hand kerchief and turned to us and said:
 "Lawd. but how some folks do waste deir time when dere am no need of it."
Arizona republican., 1907-11-30

etiquette requires her to conform to Ideas otEor than her own on most points. but in the fitting of the nursery her "-o-d is law. The furnishing dec crating and entire arrangement are English and offer everything that could possibly conduce to a baby's s health and happiness.
 The suite. directly over the Queens apartments, on the sum" side of the palace, consists of living room. dining room, bedrooms for the baby and head nurse. bath and sewing room.
 The living room is decorated m green and white with showers of little pink rosettes. The vaulted ceiling is erameled in white. and round the walls runs d frieZe of animals in NOah's Ark-like procession. Light green shades temper the sunshine.
 The angles cs furniture and walls are all softl.- rounded; so the approved method Os standing a naughty child in the corner face to the wal could hardl.- be ado -ted iu this case. With the excc-tiOn os tho rose colored Eng fish carpets. everything in the suite is washable.
 The wide "indow sills are cozily cushioned: an iron lattice. light and lacelike. but ver:- strong. secures the windows from wiihoEt.
 In the bedroom three large paint ings represent Morning" Noon" and Night" The first is sunshiny pie ture of a baby awakening in his little bed Noon" shows him busy with porringer and spoon: and in Night he has folded his chubb- hands in prayer before going to sleep.
 The woodwork is white enameled. and round the ceiling a frieze of danc- ing children charms the eye, as do the exquisite tint and design of the blue and white tiling of the fireplace.
 The little prince sleeps in the cradle that rocked father and grandfather be- fore him. It is a statel- affair, rest ing on four Corinthian supports. It was formerly curtained in the richest lace. flowing from beneath a Spanish crown: but the young Queen mother had the crown removed. lest it fall and injure the royal sleeper below: and the lace curtains were suppressed to allow freer access O. air.
 The cradle linen shows embroidery ot fairylike fineness. the other cover lets being sewn with butterflies and roses in white silk.
 The dining room furniture is whit
Arizona republican., 1907-11-30
GIRLS DEFEND THE SOLDIERS.
Boycott Against Boycott Started in a
 German Village.

There is alwa"s jealousy in the Ger man rural districts over the favor that the troops detailed to various villages and smcE towns find from the young women.
 Things took cueer turn this sum mer n For.t. a village of Baden. near Pruchsal, where the One Hundred and Forty-second regiment of the line. re- cruited at Offenburg. was quartered during the season os field training The good old method of thrashing sol
Arizona republican., 1907-11-30
To Relieve Pain

female trouble, experienced death ly pains, every month. I had doctors from different places, but none of them did me any good, and l ran down to 97 pounds.
 "At last I wrote you for advice and began to take Cardm. In three months I was like a new woman. l continued to improve and now l am well, weigh 67 1-2 pounds moro, than and am able to do my work" Try it. Write for Free s4sase Book for Women, yoa ,ssd Az stating and will reply 10 piain sealed envelope Address: Ladiss Advsory Dspe, inc chattanooga Medicine ca, chastanopga, Tenn
Arizona republican., 1907-11-30
A PROMISSORY NOTE.

T suspect" said the observant citi- zen. that people do not pay as much attention to campaign speeches as they used to-
 '"They don't" answered Senator Sorghum. The business instinct is permeating the masses. and they re- gard a campaign speech merely as a promissory note without any mort egage behind t''-Washington Star.
Arizona republican., 1907-11-30
VIOLIN LESSONS.

Given privately or in classes. by Prof. Fountain. Lessons will be given free with any mandolin. guitar or any in strument purchased at Founta;n's mu- sic store. We carry all the latest songs in stock We have a fine orchestra and band ready for engagement. Req seasonable prices. All the latest songs.
Arizona republican., 1907-11-30
TEST FOR SEWER GAS.

The American Analyst gives the fol- lowing test for the detection in an apartment of sewer gas: Saturate un- glazed paper with a solution of one eight fluid ounces Of rainwater. let 1t partially dry. then exposes in the room suspected of containing sewer gas. The presence of gas in any con- siderable quantity soon blackens the test paper
Arizona republican., 1907-11-30

mahogany. with the ro-al arms of Spain skillfully inlaid in each piece. Throughout simplicity and good taste distinguish this ideal dwelling for a young child.
 The rooms ara considered the best ventilated in all Madrid. for the young Queen inherits her love of fresh alr from her lliustrioUs grandmother. the late Queen Victoria of England. - Youths Com canion.
Arizona republican., 1907-11-30
AUTOMOBILE

FOR cylinder Rambler Auto mobile. fully equipped and just as good as new; must be sold at once. You can buy this at your own price. Call II. q. Hays. Phoenix Automobile Co. 9th Ave and Washington street.
Arizona republican., 1907-11-30
Sick Women

You should know, if you suffer from any of the pains due to womany trouble, that it is possible to be relieved or cured by the use of Cardui
 Fifty years, and over, of unexampled success, iii the treatment of female ailments, has demOnstra- ted what Cardui can do, for others since, in that time, it has benefited over million women.
 "Cardui has cured me-, writes Mrs. Chas. Will jams, of Willow Shoals, Ky, "and praise it above all other medicines. Before began to it, was almost dead. Il had suffered for five (5) years, with
Arizona republican., 1907-11-30
A ROYAL NURSERY.
The Babyhood Of Heir to the Mighty
 Throne of Spain.

The little hei- to the Spanish throne has begun his babyhood in a suite of rooms arranged entirely after the fancy oc his ro--al mother. Spanish
Arizona republican., 1907-11-30

Love always understands and knows. IL justifies if 1t can; and if it cannot. it is sure to forgive and forget