The new age., 1907-03-16

ANs~~N~~.~s~1NN1~~
Doctor, what is good to take to cure
the redness of my nose" "The pledge" +"
Houston Post.
Knicker-Primitiye men plowed the
earth. with a sharpened stick. Booker
don't mean to say golf dated
back that far Scissors.
THE doctors have finally agreed
upon the cause of Jink's illness" Did
they hold another consultation NO
post-mortem. Headlight.
Here, hold my horse minute, will
your "Sir! I'm a member Of Con-
gress!" Never mind. You look hon.
est. I'll take chance Courier
Journal.
Mrs Henpeck-Shame on you for
growing about DR.. Bolus Didn't he
just bring you back from the jaws Of
death and Henpeck (wearily And
back to the jaws OF iife.-Borrowed.
Woman-Now, IL you don't leave at
once I'll call my husband-and he's an
old Harvard football player. Tramp
Lady, II yer love him don't call him
out. I used to play wild Yale.-Judge.
Cynthia-Oh, what world this Is
for woman; 1 do wish the Lord had
made me a man! Molly-Why, my
dear, maybe he did and you just
haven't found him yet.-Amerlcan
Spectator.
There is only one ordained mission
ary in the world for 100000 heathenS
your excellency," said the cannibal.
well, I got mine," said the cannibal
CHIEF, rubbing his lips-YonkerS
Statesman.
John, DEAR" wrote a lady from the
continent, II enclose the hotel bill."
Dear Jane, enclose check" wrote
John in reply, but please don't buy any
more hotels at this price-they are rob
bing you !"-Tft- Bits.
why don't you let Willie play in the
street with the rest of the kids?" said
Mr.. Wise. I'm afraid it will spoil his
clothes!" was the wifes answer.
"ThunderationT" exclaimed Wise, I'VE
can buy clothes, but we can't buy
brains" "-C Clipped.
Mrs Dennis Ito her husband, who
smells strong escape Of gas some
where and is about to strike a match)
never after looking for leak
wild lighted match, Mick? Mick
Hould your whist! They're safety
matches Half Holiday.
Doctor. can't you give me something
to relieve my sleeplessneSs?" 'Yes; I
could prescribe sedative, but drugs
would do you No real good. Instead Of
that let me recommend a large, fat
onion, to be eaten raw just before go
ing to bed" why, doctor, that's ex-
actly what keeps me awake" "How
can 1t possibly have that effect?' "My
wife eats it."-Chicago Tribune.
Bobson-You look all broken up old
man. What's the matter? Craik-I
called on Miss Pruyns last night, and
no sooner had entered the parlor than
her mother appeared and demanded to
know my intentions. THAT must have
been rather embarrassing" Yes: but
that was not the worst. Just as the
old lady finished speaking, Miss Pruyn
shouted down the stairs, Mamma, mann
ma, he isn't the one v"-London Tit
Bits.
A Scotsman the other day went to a
London dentist with tOothache. The
dentist told him he would only get re-
lief by having 1t out. Scot-Mon, then
1 must hae gas. While the dentist
was getting it ready the Scot began to
count his money. The dentist said,
somewhat testify, You need not pay
until It's out" The Scot replied: II
ken that, but as ye're aboot to max me
l Jist want to see hoo
stan. sporting Times.
The publie-spirited lady meets the
little boy on the street The Lady
Little Boy-Oh. yes'm, I've got a home.
The Lady-And loving parents? The
Little Boy-Yes'm. The Lady-Are
they bringing you up to be good and
helpful citizen? The Little Boy
Yes'm. The Lady-Will you ask your
mother to come and hear a talk on
when Does a Mothers Duty to Her
Child Begin" next Saturday after
poonl The Little Boy (exploslvely)-
What's tn matter with you, ma Don't
you know me? I'm your little boy -