The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-06-29
DRIF nv OD
BY PHIL N. ARMSTRONG

DRIFTW OD
 BY PHIL N. ARMSTRONG;. The nice thing about an automobile is that 1t won't stop in front of your happens to be along with you) like a horse will.
 Your Uncle Mark Twain seems equally at home piloting Mississippi steam boat or dining with royalty. Now for the college boat races; we thought 1t was hard to make a college 1t; that Is, if he's on the winning eide Ambassador Bryce's cruel fling is not worrying the Alabama poets. as most of them are fishing and gathering wild Many a man who burned the mid- night oil making the family fortune, midnight gasoline in his automobile tearing 1t down.
 Art critics in France are admiring It's good thing they admire the-out- side, for. If they looked further into the matter. they might not always be so enthusiastic in this direction.
 An advertisement states one hum dred thousand sleep on this mattress every. night" We don't wish to ap- pear inquisitiye, but would like to ask disturb our sleep so.
 will MT. Roosevelt please inform us If he has any objection to the way .he How can anybody kick when the mocking birds are. singing, the roses are ans tss sy bis lsd m just dripping with luscious cold red juice, and ali of this in Gods country. AlabaWa?
 Well. .Eph. dey say de ortymobeel dun knocked de hoss outer business an de mewl gwin ter go next" de Lawd s man Ss den at n ae san' salt an femme alone. -~ +
 The Sage. Bills come home frum college,
 All the town is upside down; Bill's come home frum college,
 On his brow's a naughty frown. The school perfesser's sneaked away. Nobody's got word ter say
 Since Bills come home rum college. BilIs come home frum oollege-
  Bills come home frum college Everybody's looking meek. He's wearin' glasses on his nose You ought ter see his striped hose In fact, you orter see his clothes Bills come home frum college. Bills come home frum college,
 fBut you mustn't call him BID Bills come home frum college,
 If you do just keep it still; He's got his cards all printed so; William RrnWnH--fn lot T0ItSq know His country name. "Bill Brown" don't Oh. Biis come home frum college. Bilrs come home frum colIegeA Jest looks wise an smokes a pipe: BilPs come home frum college The girls all wonder as they stare open -mouthed at Bi1Ps long hair. Why Teddy don't resign his chair, Since Bills come home frum college.
 The skeptic.
 Why doesn't Old Skinnint want 10 '"o6 he's afraid somebody even there might try to sell him a gold brick"
 Twisted to the Times. Laugh, and the world laughs with Weep, and the world says "drat you" But no matter whether you weep or Seems to me the world laughs at you.
 Of Course. -tThere goes one man who welcomes death; in fact, he is glad to see peo- 'No; the undertaken"
 Oh, Oh, Oh.
 SMabel has such pretty complex "oh, well, that's natural"
 What. the complexion is?'
 The Critic.
 Your book. sir. is impossible. In >sfrolied fs hi' leisareiy % up the iong white graveled walk leading to Myrtles home. smiling and pufing a cigar How can man smile and puff a cigar at He couldn't smile smoking some brands but this was 9 good cigar, I'd have you understand"
 Answered. -' Paw, what is the Bridge of Sigh?" t"Ask your mother; she plays bridge whist" 42 A normal man breathes twenty thousand times in one day; that is If his wife is willing
 The Point of View. Oh, see the pretty garden hose
 Out upon the grass G'm speaking of the garden hose On the gardeners pretty lass)'
 He Knew.
 Did you ever eat any mock turtle soup? ,.... FJThat's the only kind We ever have at my boarding house; in fact. every thing is a mockery."
 Bees Tie Up Four Roads Sioux City Dispatch in Phila. North