The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1907-02-17
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES

4 N the year 1850 a movement was started
to erect a gigantic monument in
Washington to the memory of Theo-
dore Roosevelt, the noisiest and busiest
President in the history OF the United
States. There was a lively discussion
in the newspapers concerning a statue
that would best typify the life and
achievements of the illustrious dead. Some
favored this and others that, but a con-
clusion was finally reached and the statue
carved. When unveiled before a half
million people at the capitol everybody
said the monument was perfect 1t repre-
scented Theodore standing on both feet
with the big stick grasped in his right
hand. His left hand rested on great
pile of books, representing his messages
to Congress, histories and other works
of an unterary nature. At his feet
crouched grizzly bear and Teddy bear.
He was in Rough Rider costume and
carbine was slung across his back but on
his head was a wreath put there by peace.
On his right shoulder stood the majestic
figure of the American eagle and on his
left shoulder a stork was perched. Be
hind his right ear was stuck large
blue pencil. On his breast were two med
ais, one conferred for diplomacy and the
other for laundering while in his breast
pocket was a bundle OF letters supposed
to have been written by American moth
ers about Senator Smoot. All marveled
that the sculptor managed to work in so
much detail, but he protested that he
had overlooked many of the most salient
characteristics that sent the name of
Theodore Roosevelt laundering down the
corridors of time.
FOOL THEM.
Keen the people guessing If you want to
make a hit,
Keep them speculating as you go.
Take them in your confidence not cen
a little bit,
Never let your secret motives show
pat them on the head, just as you would
a little child,
Hold yourself above them, If you can,
That's the way the multltuue 10 oi'ene''
beguilcd
BY rather ordinary man.
RIPPLES.
When a fellow stubs his toe he in
yarlably looks to see what he STUDDED II
on. although 1t doesn't do him any good
to know.
Maybe. after while city bred poets
who couldn't tell sheep from goat
will quit trying to sing about country
life.
1t is not hard to keep a secret If it
relates to the time when you were out
rageously swindled because you hoped to
get something for nothing.
The man who is a model husband at
home and can do anything in the kitchen
seldom lays by as much as million dol
lars,
A good way to keep a woman guessing
is to insinuate that you heard somebody
say something complimentary about her.
NEARLY DUE.
Oh. the winds are signing, signing
And a perfume fills the air,
For the winter time Is dying
And the skies are blue and falr.
Soon the birds will start to singing
In a burst of sheer delight
And the shelters will go winging
All around your bed at night.
TT Won are a married man you ought 10
be glad that your wife is not one OF
those vulture women who crowd to the
Thaw trial and exult over another wom-
ans soul laid bare.
AS USUAL.
Hello. Central, give me heaven,
Said dying man one day.
But the hello" girl said BUSY
oil
'Sprlng is coming!" cries an excited poet
Shucks. You can't see the vanguard Oh
violets yet.
STUNG.
He sent valentine TO her-
1t cost him s14.20
She sent valentine to MIN
A heart It was, and scenty.
paper heart that must nave cost
A nickle at the buying,
Alas the ways of womankind
Keen countless fellows sighing'
when experts disagree all that Is left
Cor vou and me to conclude is that they
are NUTS
A sneeze entities you to membership in
the Bad Cold brigade. Don't sneeze.
HER TRIUMPH.
Well we'll the Easter bonnet.
With sprig or two upon It,
Soon will blossom into life
On the head Of some mans wife,
Who will go to church, wis,
In a state OF perfect bliss,
Likewise Christian charity
II she notices, b'gee,
That the dame who lives next door
Hates her for 1t all the more.