The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-12-22
CHRISTMAS ACCORDING TO
 THE HOTEL CLERKS IDEA
Would Have the Price Tag Sent Along With Presents Evidence of Good Faith That Adequate Value May Be Given in Reciprocal Evening of the Operation
 One Fair Minded Christmas Giver Lost Friend.

saints or the early retail dealers, or who- ever it was.
 Look at the abuses that are possible under the present arrangement I meet Smith day or two before Christmas That's a bum-looking scarf pin you're wearin', says Smith to me. Yes says l. the Brazilians are indeed an ingenious people, but they can't seem to turn out a waterproof brand of jewelry that will withstand the changeable New York cli- mate. This here lustrous gem in my cravat developed gangrene the day after l carelessly let 1t get wet A prominent man like you, holding the position you hold, ought to have a neat stone weigh ing about half a karat, or else nice little pearl, says Smith, Can't afford it,, says I. Well, don't worry says Smith, giving me significant look they've been very kind to me down on Wall street this month, and think may be I'll be seeing Santa Claus over at Tiff fany's this week. and If I do I'll speak to him about your case
 ''So on the strength of that what else could I do but reduce my bank roll to dark green core and a slack rubber band buying something suitable for Smith? Maybe it's basket of those conversa- \ tional Wahoo or loud talk waters that have tin foils around the corks, or may be it's an English kit bag full of silver plated junk and ivory backed hair brush es that'll moult. when he uses them like a Newfoundland pup. When think how generous Smith is going to be toward me I can't afford to hesitate over a matter of 15 or 20 bones.
 Christmas morning comes, and I get up full of hope and expectancy and pleas ant antcipations, to find that Smith has sent me a flat box containing 25 of tho most deletarious cigars that ever wore gilt obesity bands around themselves. If I touch off one of them in my room, all the boarders on that floor ask for their bills and If I Ignite it in the street the passeers-by think it's the insulation burn ing off a trolley car They'd be finer than camphor balls for keeping moths out of winter clothing, those cigars would. but for smoking purposes they're open to the same criticism that rag carpet it.
 -"Naturally I go around for the next ttwelve months hating Smith with bt- ter hatred. So the following year Smith, being by nature, a decent fellow. under takes to square the thing. By holding off paying his life insurance premium. he's just able to buy me the mahogany eel larette that he knows I've been wanting for five years. And what I send him in return is a dainty Christmas card with a view of a snowstorm in a graveyard on it, and lighted mortuary chapel in the distance and the inscription, Com pliments of the Season. at the bottom, in frost bitten letters.
 And that preys on Smiths mind un- till after a while he quits speaking to me and goes about telling his friends that I'm nothing more nor less than cheap bunko steerer that hasn't got the nerve to come out in the open and do business with the three walnut shells and the pea.
 Larry, what we want to do Is to put