davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The broad ax., 1907-07-27
Humor 40 Philosophy
D. DUNCAN n. SMITH
NO INCENTIVE.


How could Horatius keep the bridge,
Defying miles OF foemen,
And make the people hale him a.,
The very bravest Roman.
ObHging those who sang his praise
To press the loudest pedal
When the reward did not include
A bright Carnegie medal?
You wonder how the brave and rash
Six hundred ever did 1t
Tore on that charge when all the rules
OF prudence would forbid It
What was the sense OF going up
The hill TO that disaster
without a medal at the end
From our great ironmasterf
When Washington picked up an oar
And opened navigation
Upon the Delaware that day
Ere yet we were a nation.
Though congress said, Dear George
you are
The kid that's all the candy"
He had TO plug along without
A medal made by Andy.
Our modern heroes do not have
To live On unrequited-
When they perform q daring deed.
No longer are they slighteA
Carnegie reads about the case
And doesn't mark them zero.
Oh, no. He writes. This ceruneS
You are a full fiedged hero!
The broad ax., 1907-07-27
Thief, Ru,s 70. E,eaps Arrest.


The Budapest police have arrested q
confectioner's "housemaId" called Rosa.
They accused Rosa OF being Alexander
Nemety. aged nineteen, who was want
ed for a series Of thefts, and the pris-
oner at once admitted the Identity.
Nemety explained that he was tired Of
hiding from the police and that he
dressed himself In girls clothes and
took service with the confectioner on
the strength Of a servants reference
which he had stolen for the purpose.
he acquitted himself excellently as a
housemaid and might not have been
detected IL he had not slipped out In
his own clothes to revisit old haunts
and been traced back to the house.
London Standard.
The broad ax., 1907-07-27
Blossom Time.

The pannicles OF elder spread
Their starlike blossoms to the sun.
The clover Lifts a blushing head
And browns its petals one by one.
The black haW bush with bloom Il whits
The mullen spreads a velvet leaf
Down where the rivers ripples bright
Are singing low that summers brief.
A sweet perfume II In the air.
The air Is vocal. too. with song
From feathered singers everywhere.
The liquid lifting runs along:
The burden of the song II sweet,
And sweet the earth. the air above,
And brief our season II. petite,
Too brief for summer, life and love.
The broad ax., 1907-07-27
m, pooU,d PaddIs wheel.

Some particulars as to the cost Of
working turbine and paddle wheel
steamers on the British coast have
been published. showing that the tur-
bine steamer burned 0.472 ton OF coal
per nautical mile and the paddle wheel
steamer 0.614 ton The average speed
Of the turbine steamer was 222 knots
and that Of the paddle steamer %
knots. and the turbine steamer required
Les help .
The broad ax., 1907-07-27
Importane. Of th. LittI. Co...

The little coat plays an immensely
important part in the remodeling Of all
gowns. In a window there was dis
played the other day a little dinner
coat Of Chinese blue six. 1t was
embroidered In the oriental coIors.
Scarcely a spot that was not touched
with the embroiderer's needle. The
little coat was cut like a kimono jacket,
very short, with very loose front and
straight back. There were chopped
or sleeves made very wide.
The broad ax., 1907-07-27
Changed His Mind.

when be was small, he vowed he
would lick the teacher II he ever got
big enough"
"And did he do itT'
"Not much. Just a few years later
she had to get out an injunction to
keep him from marrying her,"
The broad ax., 1907-07-27
Push Up In Front.

Push Up In Front.
Don't be sitting round all day:
Get somewhere!
Make q stab at II some way.
Get somewhere!
sameness sort Of drives you mad:
Get a hobby or q fad
Yes, and get IL pretty bad.
TIL you make the neighborB sd
Get somewhere!
Don't get rooted to one spot
Get somewhere
Strike Il rich as ike as not.
Get somewhere
At the risk OF seeming blunt
Break away from use and won't.
Get a move and do q stunt:
See what things are like In front
Get somewhere!
The broad ax., 1907-07-27
No Chance 10 Know.

~Silas was telling me today that he
thinks them high fnanciers are going
to bring on the worst panic this coun-
Try ever saw"
'what does he know about It? Did
he ever run livery stableY'
'ENo."
"Or work in oner
tNo."
'Ever own a barber shopT
%Guess not"
Probably he has been to the legisla-
ture or something like that These
know II all fellows make me weary"
The broad ax., 1907-07-27

Liars q arm
their living by
the sweat of
their magma
ton
The broad ax., 1907-07-27
Miaht HaIn Him AIona.

Wight HeIP him Along.
EHe called me ALTAR"
Sue him for damages"
'But am a corporation claim agent,
and the jury might decide that I was
benefited rather than injured"
The broad ax., 1907-07-27
Eatina IL All.

you are growing so stout you must
have changed your boarding place"
mo, but they have changed the style
Of service"
"What is the diiferenceT'
They used to serve the meals q Ia
carte and now II Is table d'hote"
The broad ax., 1907-07-27
No really true
man enjoys a
practical joke
upon himself.

II IL q matter
OF temperament
II you are rich
and Of temper II
you aren't
The broad ax., 1907-07-27

HE sings Ike q bird"
~Ah, does her
yes, Ike q rooster"
The broad ax., 1907-07-27
For Mature Tssthina.

PA, do you cut your eTeteeth on
silver spoons or ivory rings, or whatT
you cut them on gold bricks, my
SON"
The broad ax., 1907-07-27
So He Could Use q.

what is he going TO call his storyr'
"The Tale Of Rooster
THAT Is a bright idea. Then II 1t
doesn't 90 his wife can use 1t to trim
her hat"
The broad ax., 1907-07-27
isWhat Is the dlfferenceT'
Presenting Il to Strangers.

Mosquitoes busy down your wayT
Eyes; they get hump on themselves
occasionally"
Then they leave the hump on you, I
presume"
The broad ax., 1907-07-27

II more people would cultivate its &C
Qualntance truth wouldn't be stranger
than fiction.
The broad ax., 1907-07-27

A woman usually thinks that 1t II up
to her to make her husband either re-
form or conform.
The broad ax., 1907-07-27

Most Of the flying machine men are
careful TO keep their feet on the earth-
The broad ax., 1907-07-27

A rash man who has a firm WifN
= sure 70 set what's coming to him.
The broad ax., 1907-07-27
Climb a Tree.

An auto car has been invented
That swims. they say. to beat the band
Or pounds as hard the boulevard
Are we not safe on sea or landH
The broad ax., 1907-07-27
PERT PARAGRAPHS.

Some people may be bigger fools
than others. but they will have to
prove IL before we believe 1t.
The broad ax., 1907-07-27

When mans mind Wanders It q up
10 the man TO arise and wander viii IL
q he doesn't want bughOuse terminals.
The broad ax., 1907-07-27
PERT PARAGRAPHS.

A little learning Is q dangerous thing,
and less il more 30.
Some people are 30 imaginative that
q mere supposition rapidly grows until
It becomes a deposition.
The broad ax., 1907-07-27
Stirring un Memories.

Stirring Up Memories.
81 never like to be on the ocean In a
fog"
afraid Of humping into some other
boatT'
''No, 1t isn't that so much as the con-
slant blowing Of the fog horn. 1t re-
minds me OF the dinner horn and keeps
me hungry ell the time"
The broad ax., 1907-07-27
Humor @s Philosophy
D. DUNCAN n. SMITH
SCIENCE HAS A HUNCH.

Some scientists who represent
A strfctly-modern school
Declare that people should make love
And court and wed by rule.
The short would draw the taller ones,
The lean would get the fat,
And marriages would all be made
On some such plan as that
The wise committee would go forth
And dx up every deal
Select q blond for brunette
And leave them no appeal
The blue eyed man would match q maid
Whose eyes were dark as Jet;
The gentleman with curly locks
A straight haired lass would get
The dispositions OF the two
Would also enter in
One who had energy to burn
A slothful mate would win;
The woman with q temper built
Upon q generous plan
Would more than likely be hitehed to
Some meek and lowly man.
No one selected might express
A preference or q doubt.
Each would be told: Here II your
mate.
Now go and night II out"
I greatly fear these scientists
Are too far In advance.
Still girls and men will fall In love
Themselves and take a chance.
The broad ax., 1907-07-27
Couldn't Roost.

you will have to go to bed with the
chickens IL you come TO my place" said
the jolly uncle from the rural districts
to his nephews who were about to visit
him.
Uncle" said the overwise city boy,
you have sized us up wrong. We are
no porch climbers"
The broad ax., 1907-07-27

We can stand other peoples troubles
because they always look small to N.
The broad ax., 1907-07-27

Many a case of big head covers small
brain capacity.
The broad ax., 1907-07-27

Beware Of the man who IL patient
under your criticism. He u probably
laying for you.
The broad ax., 1907-07-27

U9doubtodly he arst tan was int
ioFe.
The broad ax., 1907-07-27

A mans heart
Is like a colt
not tractable
until 1t Is bro
ken.
The girl who
says she will
never m AIRY
EMBELLISHMENTS
hardly ever.
A short an
werturns down
the would be
TOUGHER.
The broad ax., 1907-07-27

The world Is your oyster all hight,
but you generally have to 60 through
. sea Of trouble to get II.
The broad ax., 1907-07-27

The appearance Of work gives many
people heart failure.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1907-07-19

KNI
the
held
the
r
jcct
thcs
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1907-07-19
THE BASEBALL GIRL

Abaft of the plate sits the trim little
parcel
With her form in a sacque and her
hair in a Marcel
She is on to the plays-she can set
tie the wrangles.
And she knows the front names Of
the lads in the spangles.
She can tow rope the ump 10 the
closest decision.
And call balls and strikes with the
minutest precision:
At welding the slang there is no one
that can match her,
For Evelyn's steady" YOU see. is
the catcher.
She is right on the job with the bunts
and the bingles,
The muffs and the mispIays, the dOU-
bles and singles.
She jOts them all dOwn-not a thing
can escape her
You can't contradict her-she has it
on paper.
No statistical sharp nor the dippiest
dUper
On figures on batting and nelding can
rope her.
From the average" stakes you'd be
foolish to scratch her,
For Eyelyn's steady" you see. is the
catcher.
The pet epithets we bestow upon
players
The roast words-she has EN- as pat
as her prayers.
She can hiss like a snake or kerfIum-
mix with rapture
At egregiOUs miss or adorable cap
ture.
And all that We know of what's bril-
liant or rotten
Pays a meager per cent. on one-half
she's forgotten.
Her parents may kicl-from the
game they would snatch her
But Evelyn's steady" you see, is the
catcher--Chicago Tribune.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1907-07-19
investigating the L. & n. Railroad.

~ -, u No., .-,. ~ 49,.
80. ''.''' ..'-....., -.........
- ,,'' anu va. >''''''-'> .'''" - -7' -
~ 80 . ., 80 ..', y .''-
H. .','' ''''''' ''''' '....' "
~
=, mo ~ ~ =. - U.'.'' ~ :
' f'.' .'' va cav ''l ING "''.'
'.'i'''
''.'
O. ''','
''
'' i-> ''' ''''' = ''' -
','
$50 1--7 ''i'
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1907-07-19

the Young Americas. another the Jno.
r Dunn Company, another Protective
Hose Company No. .. and the d. \.
Miller hook and ladder company. This
led TO great rivalry between the com
panies. and fire tests were of frequent
occurrence, and several safe tourna-
ments were held in Ocala. which adj
ded 10 the rivalry of the companies,
Each company had a separate fore
man, but Mr. Charles II. Campbell.
then superintendent of the Ocala wa
ter works. was made chief of the fire
department.
Mr.. Campbell served as fire chief
for TWO years and was succeeded by
Mr.. Ed Carmichael. who served III
this capacity for several years.
The fire companies, until 1901 were
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1907-07-19
Titled Englshman Will Earn His
Living.

According TO Engineer DObsOn. OF
the steamer St, Louis. which landed
in New York several days ago. the
titled Englishman who recently
left his home and life of ease to
make his own way in the world, and
who started his career of labor by
I employment on the steamer ST. Louis
as stokor, is Hon. Francis Patrick
/ Clements, the tweny-twoyear-old
son of the late Earl of Leitrim.
The young man in carrying out his
/ purpose, renowned his position as
! heir preSumpjiyc 10 the earldom. and
has also sacrificed the 10000 pounds
sterling year income that goes
with the title The family has made
every effort since the young man left
the family estate a month ago. to in
duce him to abandon his purpose,
but in vain.
He is now somewhere in this
country earning his bread When he
was hired as a stOker under the name
.of Sloane his real identity WAS I'M
known. on the first day ont he was
almost overcome by the heat in SHOW
cling, hut after the first day he was
as able as any of the other men TO
perform his work
He landed in New York with s. in
his DOcEnr his wages for The trim
the clothes on his back and hardened
hands. What his plans were he told
no one on board except to say that
he intended to get work in New York /
Clements preserved his incognito .
all the way across. Il was not until .
the ship returned 70 southampton
that the s,ollers. through inquiries .
made by his relatives. learned tina,
they had been working side By side
with prospective Ear,
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1907-07-19

the four corners of the public square
and these cistens were kept full OF
water by conduits leading from tho
court house, and also enough host
was purchased to fill these cisterns
by pumping water from what is
known as the Spencer pond
y fire company was formed. and
Mr.. Joseph T, Lancaster was elected
fire chief. ana Mr., Rossie Yonge fore
man
This company Instantly became
popular and quite a number Of our
citizens joined it; among others sill.
residing here We might mention Mr..
\. +. Dclouest Nh G. ". Martin. Mr..
G. W Marshall MI James b. Car
Isle, Mr.. F. q. ,. Wtihe. and others.
This engine did very effective ser
vice and answered all the require
ments of that period of the city's his
tory
The records of the fire department.
which are very incomplete. also re-
cord the fact that Nr. Louis Fox and
Mr.. James b. Carlisle were al differ
ent times fire chiefs. bur the years are
not stated
In 1898 Ocala's water works were
established. and water pipes and ny
irants were put ali over the city. This
gave an impetus 10 the reorganization
IF the fire department, and two fire
stations We're erected in different
parts Of the city. ami four companies
were organized. One was known a>
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1907-07-19
OCALA FIRE DEPARTMENT

Ocala's disastrous fire, which laid
.almost the entire city in waste. oc.
Cured in 1889. Before that time She
had only an occasional small fire and
what was known as the bucket bri-
gade, was sufficient 10 stay the pro
gress Of the flames. as her buildings
were nor very near together, but after
the great fire the city took on new
life. What is known as the fire lin
its was established and very hand
some brick buildings were erected.
The insurance rates We're high and it
was imperative that some sort of a
fire organization should be establish
ed.
In 1885 a fire engine was purchased
and four large Cisterns were buiIt on
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1907-07-19

I''""' up u Nolihtttfa' Out IN that
car 1t was hld"c PAM department
III" ne Co"iC" ''''l'" MI w l. Bun
''S clle'- he served Ior Tour years
'''"A' successfully.
MI Dun was succeeded by MT. \.
D. ID 'SaHce' VINO served until last
! D'ceiiiDtI' "I'h MI hampton ,.
''i,'I'e'9 ""9 erected To succeed MIN
d. '-lI'L oi me Ocaia IRE department.
anu ne - no" h"'aLh% lhe once, ana
ID "'""'"7 very dcCtplahit oIlclaL
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1907-07-19
PARTNER WANTsO-To take

FTNN NNH MN EO-IN NAhe Z
half interest in a patent: patent on
same pending. Drawing can be eX-
Hotel. room .. 7-4.St.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1907-07-19
2nI s26.too4oo Saf4.oof.ooo

->-'' "5 o2-3t"."t@ <>9t.5pa
1888 g. oa41oonp zo5-aoo
Total. o.. 49,. 3 -.21ol52o.Go0
$50 far this year.
The news agency says the business
Of the Standard Oil Company has
been increasing 50 enormously in re-.
cent years that il has accumulated ?
great surplus. notwithstanding lis
liberal disbursements 10 its stock.
holders.
The Owosso times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1897-1926, 1907-10-11
Steadily Increasing.

In 1900 this country's exports and
imports of merchandise exceeded two
billion dollars for the first time, the
total being 81, 244, 424, 266. But for the
last fiscal year, ending June 80, 1907,
the figure was $3.3l5, 252,1 The in
crease in seven years was nearly 80 per
cent. Way back in the eighties they
began to argue that our exports would
decrease unless we lowered the Tariff,
but instead of decreasing the exports
and imports have made an increase
since that time which is greater than
the total trade of that period. Cedar
RAPIDS Republican.
The Owosso times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1897-1926, 1907-10-11

lippines. The sixteen factories in
Michigan last year paid farmers
nearly S5,000,000 for the beets
alone, produced sugar to the value
4 of $S,75O,00O and the industry in
which nearly 10000 farmers are in.
terested, will be able to put up a
husky fight in political contest for
the promotion of the industry and to
prevent it from destruction.
The meeting Friday is as stated
the initial movement of a combined
organization which will include all of
the states in which the beet sugar in
dustry has attained proportions of
the cordial assistance of the cane
sugar industry in Louisiana.
The siXty-five beet sugar manufac-
turing establishments in this country
in which $75,000,000 is invested and
which last year paid beet growers
100000 will be able to put up a
campaign which will make some of
the politicians who are disposed to
ignore this industry sit up and take
notice.
The main issue at the outset that
will absorbe the attention of the
the United States will be to influence
and secure the election of delegates
to the Republican National conven-
ton to be held next year who will
oppose the nomination of any can
didate for president who supports or
favors the measure to admit sugar
from the Philippine islands free of
duty or at any reduction in the tariff
whatever.
While the organization is not yet
in the harness throughout the coun-
try the fact that Secretary Taft,
who is now being prominently
doomed as candidate for the nominal
ton for president in the next nation
al convention, is an avowed advocate
of free importation of sugar from the
Philippines, and openly declares sit
will come sooner or later" brings
him within the pale of the opposition
of the American sugar industry, and
no effort will be spared to prevent
his nomination.
Kansas, Colorado, Utah, Califor-
MIA, Michigan and Wisconsin will be
able to put up the strongest opposi-
ton, but the cause will have sup
port in all of the sixteen sugar beet |
states with Louisiana added
The fact that Pennsylvania has a !
delegation pledged to Senator Knox
that Indiana will support Vice-Pres-
dent Fairbanks, that Illinois has a
'avorite son in Speaker Cannon, and
hat New York will be very likely to
present a candidate. will be Of mater
al assistance to the sugar industry
n the contest.
The Eighth Michigan Congression-
! convention to be held this month
viii lead off in the contest and will
lect two delegates pledged to OPP
oes the nomination of any candidate
Tho favors letting Philippine sugar
ITO this country on the terms of the
leasure that has passed the national
ouse of representatives, and other
ichigan districts will swing into
ne later educational Farmer.
The Owosso times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1897-1926, 1907-10-11
CULLOM ON CANNON.
Roosevelt Alone Between Speaker
and White House, He Says.

Washington, Sept. 27.-"Uncle
Joe" Cannon's boom received a fresh
impetus at the White House today
Senator Cullom, who has from the
start been staunch supporter CT the
man from Danville, declared that
there is only one thing that stands
in the way of Mr.. Cannon's elevation
to the White House, and that is the
presidents possible acceptance of the
nomination himself.
'If Roosevelt keeps out of the
fight Cannon will be the next presi-
dent" declared Senator Cullom, en-
phatically. mo one can deny that
he is splendidly fitted for the place;
no one can deny that he is a magnificent
political campaigner; no one can de-
ny that he is popular in all sections
Of the country. He is also a good
friend of all. the other fellows who
want to be president-and their
number is not considerable. |
believe when the showdown comes
that all the other fellows will turn
their strength over to Cannon and
he will be nominated with ease. We
are receiving gratifying reports or his
from all over and | do not
think there is the shadow of doubt
that he is the most popular man in
the public eye next to the president
"Of course if Roosevelt wants the
place he can have it for the asking.
All he has to do is to say he wants 1T
and it is his. But he has said he
does not want it, and as he is a man
Of his word we, out in Illinois, think
that our candidate ought to be
"No, indeed, l didn't take up the
natter with the president" eXclaim-
ID the senator, in reply to a question. |
L merely dropped in to congratulate |
he president upon his safe return
rom Oyster Bay and to wish him a
Apply journey out into my state. He
5 going to speak at Cairo, you know,
nd will meet a great many of his
God friends in Illinois, no matter
here in that great state he happens
} set his foot. He will also meet a
reat many staunch friends of Joe
annon, and will be able to see for
imself how strong the Cannon boom
as grown
The Owosso times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1897-1926, 1907-10-11

every American manufacturer pride
in his guild. He belongs to one of the
largest and one of the most important
callings in the world. And this calling
is growing faster and its range is ex-
tending further than that of any other
of the world occupations. Therefore.
reduce the Tariff
These figures also make a powerful
appeal for organization and intelligent
cooperation among the manufacturers
for the promotion of their own interests
and For the advancement and the prog
ress of their country, an appeal that
should be needed. Therefore, reduce
the Tariff
The Owosso times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1897-1926, 1907-10-11
A Stand-Patter Defined.

The Des Moines Register and Leader
copies approvingly an article from the
Portland Oregonian defining stand
patter. We can give a correct defini-
tion in much fewer words A stand
patter here in Iowa is one who believes
that the Republican party all these
years has been the party of progress
1t has shaped the destiny of the country
since the war and has steadfastly ad-
ministered the affairs Of the nation
honorably and periodically. Every
great reform and every stride in ma
terial advancement has come to the
country because of the honor and in
tegrity of the great party intrusted with
the affairs of government. Stand-pat-
tiers take pride in the history of the
Republican party and revere the great
names linked with the party's destiny.
They refuse to believe that the country
is going to the devil, that the leaders of
the party are corrupt, that the United
States Senate is a den of thieves or that
congressman are bribetakers and I'M
patriotic. They believe that during all
these years when Republican State
conventions, by resolutions, have
pointed with pride to the achievements
of the party, that they were honest and
sincere in what they said They believe
that when, year after year, in conven-
tion assembled, the party lauded the
virtues, the integrity and craftsmanship
Of William b. Allison it meant it and
was neither playing the blarney nor
the hypocrite, They believe in the
splendid accomplishments of the adj
of President Roosevelt and
point with pride to the action taken by
4 standpat Congress in putting into
force and effect the great principles for
which he contends. They rejoice in the
ulhllment of Republican promises made
he country in 1895, and rejoice in the
commercial achievements of
he past decade under the benign in
luences of the Dingley Tariff measure,
which brought prosperity and industrial $
upremacy to a distracted and discour f
gei people And this is Republicanism. i
Cedar Falls Ua.) Record.