The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-07-28
He Fattening .0 Dabid
From the Iron Trade Review.

From the Iron Trade Review.
 r Fl KENDAL'S grocery scales showed
 David Bowers weight at the end \ \ of his eighth week on earth to be eleven pounds. an avoirdupois, unless I have been misinformed by a number of maternal specialists, quite proper for child at that age. At the end of his first decade he was still close to the accepted standards of weight and meas urement and it was not until his eleventh year that he began walking with the elect In the realm of the extraordinary.
 About this time, however, with David very crude and unfinished, natural, pro verbally the Lady Bountiful, suddenly ran short of David Bowers material an awkward predicament
 But the Dame is nothing if not resource ful.
 Abjah Long, the village Solon, who by means of herculean effort had complete ly subjugated the cover of HIS cracker barrel. explained her handling of the affair as follows
 Fer somethin' like ten year Natur stood on Dave's toes an pulled him up by his ears-sorter cold-drawed him, like they do panny wire-till he wuz nigh six foot high. There pesky little of him, but she spread him out all she knowed how. Thunderation! Even his
  egg-shape. T don't reckon" he contin- ued 'ez Dave has innerds like most folks-if he had they'd be jest boun' ter make him lumpy lookin."
 Such observations had a depressing ef- feet on David during the early stages of his elongation, but when rfdicule gave place to wonderment and speculation as to whether he might not finally be drawn out of sight, he became proud of his un- usualness and encouraged the idea that he possibly lacked the usual complement of 'innerds" deeming that an added glory.
 But today's joy is oft tomorrow's sor- row, and Davids Tomorrow came on that day when he first became consci- ous of the fact that he did possess "in- nerds" Lone, at least-a heart. The stetho- scopic medium through which he became aware of this rather universal organ was a certain Matilda Brown, plump, fair and Vivacious and when David had recovered from the shock caused by his anatomical find he began counting at once, without dlssimulation and with no thought at first that his lack of adipose tissue was any handicap.
 Then again spoke the oracle of the cracker barrel; the echo of his word reached David and he was disquieted.
 "Ef that Cupid feller hez hit Dave Bowers" remarked Abi1ah, "he must be
 
 book called Ivan Ho CT somethin' like that bout CT feller ez could split willer switches with CT bow an arrer-reckon he en Cupid must b'long ter tn same family. Thunderationi Yer don't reckon Tillie Browns goin' ter confine herself ter one hairpin, do yer when she kin git CT hull package fer three cents?"
 ''Mebbe she will an mebbe she won't" snorted David, when he heard this. but when I want information on that pint reckon l won't ask no ole he-hen ez matches out all his idees settin on CT cracker bar'l six days CT week. I'll go ter headquarters"
 But despite this bold retort David soon discovered that his bosom was altogether too small to accommodate Abijah's shaft of satire and Cupids dart as well-one or the other must be plucked out. He decided therefore, to go at once to headquarters, in other words, Matilda Brown, and find out just how matters stood.
 He chose the Saturday night before the circus to put his fate to the test, and after supper he donned his Sunday best and sought counsel of the mirror. The result was not reassuring; never before, 1t seemed, had he appeared so fearfully thin.
 2 T ainit no better'n CT skelerton," he groaned and then of despondency was born inspiration.
 Undressing hastily he went to the chest where he kept his winter clothes and took from it suit of heavy underwear. This he put on and then again his outer garments, and once more took counsel of the glass, receiving encouragement. but not full satisfaction. Finally, upon a foundation of three suits of winter woolens he hung his outer apparel. Love endureth much.
 His final consultation with the mir TOT was quite satisfactory; to be sure, he looked rather queer and lunpy In spots but the effect as a whole was, to- David at least, rather pleasing than otherwise.
 Davids domicile and the home of Ma tilda were some distance apart, and be- fore he had traversed half the distance the weight of his clothing and of his er- rand more heavily upon flesh and spirit, out there was no wavering of purpose-it