Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1907-08-03
'Mr. Dooley On The Rising
OF The Subject Races


ahinnissies rollickin' on tn, ground an
wondhrn' whin tn lynchin' party'll
arrive.
That's what Hogan says. | niver
knew tn subjick races had so much
In thin befure. A few years ago |
had no more thought iv Japan thin
II have Nv Dorgan's cow | admire
Dorgan's COW. It's a pretty cow |
nave often leaned on tn fence an
watched Dorgan milkin' his COW.
sometimes | Wondered in kind iv
smoky way why as good an large a
COW as that shud let little man like
Dorgan milk her. But If Dorgan's COW
shud stand uD on her hind legs, kick
over the bucket, chase Dorgan out iv
TN lot, put on khaki UNIFORM, grab
mold of Mauser rifle an begin shoot
In at me, | wudden't be more sur
prlsed thin | am at tn idee Nv Japan
beln' wan Nv tn nations iv tn wurruld
Il don't see what tn subjick races
nave got to kick about, Hinnissy.
We've been adfully good to thin. We
slnt thin missionaries to teach thin
tn error Nv their religion an nawthin
cud be kinder thin that FIR there's
nawthin' people like betther thin to be
told that their parents are not be amy
means where they thought they were
but in a far more crowded an ex-
citin' locality. An with tn missona-
ries we stint sharpshooters that cud
pick off a Chinyman beatin' tn con-
thribution box at five hundherd yards.
we put up palashal goluf-courses in
the cimitries an what was wanst tn
tomb Nv Hung Chang, tn gr-reat Tar
tar Impror rose to tn dignity iv bein
tn bunker guardin' tn fifth green. No
Chinyman cud fail to be pleased at
seem tall Englisman hittin' TIL
Chinyman's grandfathers coffin with
a niblick. We stint explorers up tn
Nile who rayDoorted that tn CANAAN
flows into tn Oboo just above Lake
Mazap, a fact that tn naygurs had
known FIR long time. TIL explorer
announces that he has changed tn
names Nv. these wather-coorses to
Smith, Blifkins an Wilkinson He
wishes to deny tn infamyous story
that he liver ate a native alive. But
wan soon succumbs to tn customs iv
a country an Sir Alfred is no Wig
gytaryan.
"Our old friends acrost tn sea were
specially attintive to tn subjick races.
They haven't been like tn Germans
an tn Fr-rench who threated thin
tn way Dock Long says Tiddy Rosen-
felt pursues his nature studies. They
thria 10 iy,,n fhoiy a ~
morals as well as their projoocin'
power. Whin false prophet come
along among thin tn English were
Mortified be his teachins which prin-
cipally was in tn line iv target prac-
tice. TIL poor wan died as all pro-
phets must, counterfeit or ginooyine
an was buried TIL English govern
ment felt it had a gr-reat religious
jooty to perform so it stint out Gin
raj Lord Kitchener an he opened tn
grave an dug up tn body an cut it's
head off to show to tn poor mis-
guided haythen. is that tn head iv
III prophet says he. 1T u.s. says tn
naythen. Well, If he was rale pro-
Dhet cud / kill him? Cudden't he put |
his head back on again?' says he. !
IT'S thrue, says the haythen. An
hey all become CHRISTIANS at wasn't |
in were put to wurruk.
"An' now, be Hivin, ali these here
millyons that we've done so
much FIR ar-re turnin' on u.s. TIL Japs |
hreaten us with war; TIL Chinese
Won't buy shoes firm us an ar-re
hasin' tn missionries out iv their
ozy villas an not even givin' thin a
hance to carry away their piapnies or
heir silverware.. There's tn divvle
o pay all along TIL levee firm Man
'hurya to Madagascar. accordin' to
Hogan. l begin to feel onaisy TIL
lrst thing we know all tn other sub
lex races will be up. TIL horses will /
rick an bite, the dogs will fly at our
hroats whin we lick thin. tn fishes
will refuse to be caught, TIL cattle an
igs will set fire to TIL stock yards an
here'll be a gineral rebellyon against |,
h white man. It's no laughin' mat
her, tell We. A subjick race is on'y.
unny whin its ra-aly subjick. About
hree years ago | stopped laughin at !