The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1907-11-23

Second .Turtle-Well, then, she has a
soft snap.-Life.
l. Church-Did you ever try any of
these "close to nature" methods? Goth
am-Well, I've used porous plaster!
| -Yonkers Statesman.
Madge-Is that writer really ia
nous? Marjorie He must be, my dear.
wrote to him for his autograph, and
he never sent it.-Puck
Short-There goes one Of my pre-
ferred creditors. Long-Why prefer
red? Short-He never asks me for
money.-Chicago Daily News.
She Your last book was a success,
wasn't it? He-Yes. She-The re-
views were so unfavorable l was al
most tempted to read it.-Life.
Justin, here's a bill collector" call
ed Mrs. Wyss. "All fight" replied
Mr.. Wyss from the library. 'Give him
all he can carry away" Leslie's
Weekly.
First Deaf Mute-If you objected to
his kissing you, why didn't you call for
| help? Second Deaf Mute-I couldn't.
He was holding both my hands.-Har-
per's Weekly.
Hicks-Did you ever succeed in per-
| suading your wife when she gets an
CRY to count ten before she speaks
| Wicks-Yes, but she is very rapid
| counter.-Somerville Journal.
Il notice that you writer's use a
great deal Of tobacco Does it stimu-
late your brains?" Il don't know.
But it makes you forget that you're
hungry" Cleveland Leader.
Blanche-The most difficult thing is
| to make up ones mind what to take
| and what to leave behind. Henriette
oh, don't think so. take all my
| frocks and leave my husband Rire.
Fifth grade next year, Johnny?'
Yes, sir" 'And you'll be ip fractions
| or decimals then, no doubt?' mo, sir !;
I'll be in beadwork and perforated
squares. Washington Cd. CO. Her
| aid.
Poor mani" exclaimed the benevo-
lent old lady. "And you say you have
| no friends?'' "No, madam" replied
the weary wayfarer Il used to be a
baseball umpire Philadelphia Rec
| ord.
Wigwag- is your wife mad
| about now? Henpecke- Her absent
mindedness She was going to scold
| me about something and she can't re-
| member what it was.-Philadelphi
Record.
Tell me-" said Miss Witherupp,
| Mr.. Newman remarked to you that I
didn't show my age, didn't he?" "Not
exactly; he said you were careful to
conceal it," replied Miss Frank-Phil-
! adelphia Press.
There are only seven miles of rail-
! road in operation in the whole of Per-
sia." TOO bad 70 commented the Hon.
Thomas Rott. 1T must be mighty hard
for a politician to make a living IN
Persia Puck.
Barber-Thank you, sir. don't Oft
en- get my tip before begin. I'm sure
l appreciate Customer (who likes
his hair cut in silence)-I don't want
| you to consider that tip. It's ''husn''
| money-Punch.
Mrs. Dashaway-Yes, while we were
in Egypt we visited the Pyramids. They
| were literally covered with hieroglyph-
les. Mrs. Newrich-Ugh! Wasn't you
afraid some of 'em would git on you?
Philadelphia Record.
II suppose" remarked the dear girl,
that you do not believe in love at first
sight?" ooh, yes, do" rejoined the
old bachelor. IF men were gifted with
second sight they would never fall in
love. Home Magazine.
They were in the parlor Of sum-
| mer resort hotel. She-John, why do
you always occupy the piano stool when
you are in the parlor? You can't play
note. He-No one else can. either,
while sit here.-Harper's Weekly.
"Bilkins tells me he is getting aw-
fully tired of living alone" Il would
think he'd marry and settle down." II
| was talking with him about it the other
day, and he says he doesn't know
whether to get married or buy a pho
nograph. milwaukee Sentinel.
Young man." said the merchant, 81
hear you've been kicking because you've
got so much to do" well, yes, sir"
replied the clerk, Il do think that r
HIN! well have to give you so much
more to do hereafter that you won't
have time to kick" Philadelphia
Press.
A widow advertised for man to do
odd jobs, and when she arrived home
one evening she found young man
waiting to see her. "Well," said the
lady. II want man to do odd Jobs
about the house and garden, to run err
rands, to wash my dog, and see to the
cats one that never answers back. and
il always ready to do my bidding" Ap-
plicant You are looking for hus-
band. ma'am. not a servant. Good