Lewiston evening teller. [volume] (Lewiston, Idaho) 1903-1911, 1907-04-24
Colonel Plunkett, v. c.

copyright, 1906, by M. NJ. Cunningham
Colonel Plunkett, retired from the
Seventeenth and wearer of Victoria
cross won in India, was sixty years
old and still unmarried. He belonged
to half a dozen London clubs, was seen
quite little in society and was famed
for his imperturbability.
The colonel wore a wig. He wore
a corset He used cosmetics. To a
certain extent he was taken to pieces
at night and put together again in the
morning. The knowledge of this was
confined to himself and his valet, and
the world might suspect and surmise
and be hanged to it
1t happened on November evening.
1t was Tuesday evening. The colo
mel remained in his chambers and read
and smoked up to a certain hour, and
then his valet took him in hand. On
this occasion the valet had performed
his task and retreated to his own quar-
ters when hand was clapped over
his mouth, knee thrust into the small
of his back, and before he could utter
a cry he was on the floor with a gag
In his mouth and his feet and hands
bound. He was surprised by the sud
den attack, but more by the want of
punctiliousness. The groan he fetched
over the latter was long drawn and
genuine. The attacker had walked
over several roofs and then used a
short ladder to enter the coloners
apartments. He had a few words to
say to the valet and then proceeded on
into the front apartments. The i'm
perturbable colonel was not asleep,
nor was his light yet turned out. Some
men woald have started up and ex-
claimed at sight of strange man in
his bedroom at that hour, but it wasn't
Colonel Plunkett. He had always wait
ed to be addressed, and he did not
depart from the programme on this
occasion
The intruder gave the colonel look
ing over and then took in the room.
He saw the corset, and he chuckled.
He saw the cosmetics, and he gurgled
and said:
well. old boy, you are playing 'em
nicely. If your glass eye and false
teeth were here, the show would be
complete. Oh, the vanity of man, es-
pecially an old ass of man! l would
not have believed this of man wear
Ing the V. c."
''Sir, L never receive callers at this
hour Of the night and never in my
BEDROOM" replied the colonel In his
everyday tones.
Eyes, knew that I'd be de t1op, but
there are times when one must break
through the bounds of etiquette. This
Is one of them. Your valet IL gagged
and bound, you are helpless In bed.
and I've got soft snap before me.
I'm after Doodle, of course"
My practice has been never to bor-
row or lend"
II was aware of that fact, and that's
the reason made my entrance In the
way did. Any objections to tobacco
smoker"
Il have, sir. / have never smoked in
this room or allowed others to do so.'
Sorry to break over rules, colonel,
but this is an extra occasion"
The man drew from his pocket an
old pipe and filed it with strong to-
bacco and sat down and leaned back
and crossed his legs and pulled away
for three or four minutes before he
said:
'How does it feel, colonel, to be TAX
en- apart at night and put together in
the morning? I'm not asking out of
vulgar curiosity, but from a scientific
point of view. Do you feel as if you
were loom or an engine or some
other piece of machineryF
"You will excuse me, sir, If l refuse
to debate the matter with YOU" replied
the colonel in even tones.
Tie intruder picked up the wig and
sought to adjust 1t, and then the corset
and closely examined 1t, and then con-
tinued:
Il have heard 1t contended that the
male wearer of corset has womanish
feelings come over him now and then
and that the wearer of wig Is always
thinking OF the shiny surface beneath.
Has 1t ever occurred to you, colonel, to
invent some compound to force a new
growth Of hair? You gained the v. @.
for leading a thousand soldiers into
action. How much drawer and greater
and grander II you led 100000 bald
headed men to happiness!'
"Sir, let me call your attention to the
fact that you are an intruder" observ-
ed the colonel.
"Not doubt OF 1t, my dear fellow"
replied the burglar, 'but let US infer
that / have begged your pardon and
have been absolved. How long, my
son of Mars, by the use of these cos
metics can you keep up the delusion
of middle age, and what is the idea 2"
again, sir, answer that the ques-
ton Is not debatabIe."
"No? Well, could wish that you
were more pliable, but 1 must take
things as find 'em. AS my call this
evening was entirely unexpected'-
your call. sir, is simply unpleasant,
and let me beg of you not to unreason-
ably prolong the same"
'"That is q fair deal. | am here after