The Washington herald., 1907-09-29

But the dripping Of that faucet
Nevet IS quite regular.
Two drops now. and then Silence,
TIL think the tortures done,
And / turn. content, 20 slumher,
When there cones another Ou5.
Bar the door and draw the covers
Tight can l. DER my head,
sun hear it drip. drip, dripping
Loud enough 10 wake the dead-
Tigh, 7 screw the faucet, and I
Just begin 20 doze OF. when.
Like a club my tired brain beating.
Drip. drip it begins again.
Drip it gees, and must listen.
While il drives my sleep'aWay.
Well know the dawn viii stop 1t,
Faucets never dIlp by day
Some time, maybe, some good plumber
Bur tbs vain TO dream Of that
Faucets never yet were mendcd
So they'd not drip IN a nat.
The lady who is just home from Europe
was showing Us her collection Of postal
cards, and We were all bearing Up as best
we could.
This, said she. lis Loeb Katrine in
Scotland. It's where Ellen's Isle is"
And what Is Ellen's Isle?' asked the
girl who never reads anything but the
six best sellers. and doesn't care who
knows it.
The lady who has Travelled coughed TO
give any Of US who chose time 70 dis
play Information. but none Of Is spoke.
Well she said, plUnging in boldly.
you've heard OF Paradise Lost. haven [
you? It's dull book, but 1t tells about
Ellen's Isle in that"
Talking of foreign parts. I've never
held the prevailing American opinion Of
the British se3se of humor. Your Britoa
can always see the point provided it's
a British point It's only when he un-
dertakes 10 appropriate an American jest
that he isn't really a success. There's
the one really good automobile jest, for
example-the story Of the man who went
10 the asylum for demented motorists
and asked where the inmates We're.
Under the beds. tinkering with the
Stats. is the answer. as all the world
knows.
Now, that quip has crossed the ocean
and come back 10 US in one Of the sun
day supplements that borrows from
PHnch. And nothing more beautifully
British than the revision of that answer
has ever delighted my eye. The in
mates Of the asylum were under the beds
right enough but the British visitor
wasn't to be allowed to get a wrong i'm
preston as to what they were doing
there. He might have fancied that ac-
tual automobile works had been put there
for their diversion. SO the attendant took
care To say.
They are under the beds tinkering
with the supposed machinery"
But if the British don't improve our
jokes there are certain Of our CONNER
ciaI customs they DO better Our bills
come back from tradesmen after we've
paid them, stamped with the date and the
word Paid" Os course. the stamp is
an American invention. Nobody has told
me it is. but YOU couldn't make me be-
lieve that It isn't if you gave me the
Kings word. All labOr-saving ideas are
American, and the whole world knows H.
The lady who has travelled showed me q
bin from a glove shop in London 1t was
stamped Paid" but above the word was
impressed the remark. Payment thank
fully received. and below it, Further
custom solicited.
1t was an Englishman who told me Of
taking a remote American kinswoman of
his to the art gallery at the St. Louis
Exposition She greatly admired a statue
of Psyche
Don't you like this statue Of Pish?"
she said.
We call II Sykee.' he returned.
She laughed merrily.
"Oh, you English people do have such
funny ways Of prOnOuncing names" she
said.
1 wish 1 could live In Il country town
and have myself looked after by a fam
ily physician says young matron. "I
did till / was married. Dr. Biggs used
10 come in and say: Wei. well, this
won't do, and use a spoon handle to
hold my tongue down while he examined
my throat and pinched my ear. to see
whether l had fever. and then he'd talk
TO Eaother about the kin and the garden.
and advise about the chickens. and I'd
be well in day O: two. -Four times
since I've been in Washington I've been
10 see a physician. The fifth time was
yesterday I was a little out of sorts
and needed a comic. went 70 the doc
tor I'd seen four times before. A unfz
formed nurse met me at the door and
asked me my name After a long while
she ushered me into the great mans
sanctum- He was sitting al his desk
with lot Of cards spread out before
Lin, and he looked at me as If l hadn't
come in. =
You remember me- doctor?' I began
Nm he said. looking at the cards
And before I could say a word he bee,an
10 read from the cards:
Jaundiced three years ago. Follicu-
lar tonSlitis-m observation-disclosures; slight
attack Of is-m-m-rheumatojd
peticia-ul- m
he Just mutteTed on that way for five
minutes, saving the awfulest words at
me. Once tried to interrupt He barred
his teeth al me. and I couldn't quite tel1
whether he was going 70 bite or onlv
smiling
Just moment, please" he said; and
went on muttering those dreadful words
Then he put a thermometer in my mouth
and, while I was speechless, rolled M my
sleeve and strapped something 10 il 70
get my blood pressure. After that he
took me by the arm and led me into an
finer office where he put a looking glass
on his head and looked into my throat.
lie was reaching for some sort Of a ter
rible instrument when. perhaps. II oc-
CURED TO hin. that he hadn't been affable
enough. He Showed his teeth again.
How long has this been going on. Mrs
Jinks?" he asked.
I'm not Mrs Jinks. I gasDed ..T'u
Mrs Biinks"