The Washington herald., 1907-05-12

IT just wonderful. she said. j used
it as soon as got on board. ard wasn't
seasick one single minute.
And 10 show you the effect Of faith
on that woman, she added
II did have a headache for a day but
Of course, I didn't mind that I knew
anything as powerful as cocaine would
have some disagreeable effect. Of course.
but as long as / wasn't seasick didn't
mind"
Speaking Of faith, reminds me Of an
acquaintance Of mine who is aim not
sure whether she's Christian Scientist. or
a New Thoughtist, or a Mental Scientist.
or g az-Taz-Fannist-bu it's something
Of the sort, and whatever her belief IS
I wish I had it. I met her the other
day and she told me she was on her
! way to buy three yards Of blue fOulaTd
| Ike a gown she had last year, or the
| year before. so she could make new
/ sleeves. I went along with her because
I am naturally an flealist. and nothing
could be farther removed from the prac-
teal than q quest Ike that. Nobody on
earth ever succeeded in matching blue
/ foulard Of a pattern two years old. Only
| very uHWOrdly and hopeful soul would
| ever dream Of buying IT,
/ please don't hold the thought OF fall
ure over me, she said. 1T is right and
| harmonious that should find that silk.
have the right thought toward It, and I
am going 10 demonstrate IT,"
I put my adverse thought sternly be
| hind me and We went on. We didn't find
/ it in the first shop, and the salesman
I I'D
worn. We succeeded in getting out from
under that malign thought, too, only to
l meet il at q second shop. Il bobbed up
at third shop, but the lady with faith
/ didn't burn a hair At the fourth silk
| counter she remarked:
7 am sure you have this pattern
/ The salesman shook his head.
It's not worn this season., he said.
"Oh, but I shall find it. ! know" ths
lady Of the quest persisted.
The salesman brought out 4 lot OF rem
nants
There It is" said the lady. You see.
7 told you I'd find It,.
Some way. not even these new cults
seem TO cure a woman OF saying, Il told
you so.J
How much is there in that pie9e?" she
went on such a demonstration! 7 knew
had the right thought"
And, OF course, she did. There were
only two yards and a half in the rem
nant, though. However, II 7 hadn't been
There with my failure-thOughf, feel per-
fectly sure thered have been at least
seven"
There was a travelling salesman IN one
Of the shops. and he was telling his trou-
bles to a foorwalker. He was a very
beautifully dressed man, and one couldn't
doubt his race His. nose proclaimed It,
Indeed, It was a nose that as somebody
says, abused the privilege.
There amt nothing In this early-bird
idea" he said. There amt a thing.
You can believe me. know Take d
look at me. Do I lock Ike a sucker?
Amt got a foxy eyer Well, 7 comes to
town early and goes 20 sell q bill OF
neekties to Blanks. The elevator boy
tells me I got TO go 10 the fourth floor,
and the elevator it starts at 3. I'm there
two minutes before s. I'm the first man
into the elevator. There's a lot Of drum
mers there by this time. but I'm ahead
of them all. Me into the elevator first.
and the rest crowding in after me, till it
was Jam full. Ne in first, you under
Standard last out. The man nearest the
door gets out first me last. BY the time
get out the first mans sold his bill Of
goods, and Pm nowhere but stuck. The
early bird don't get nothing but a lemon.
7 wish somebody'd devise some sort Of
a punctuation mark that one might use TO
mean, This is meant for a joke says d
woman who writes. Until somebody
does, I'm going to quit trying 10 write
anything in the airy persihage line. Last
winter I was overpersuaded into writing
a long story with the scene laid In Wash
ington. OF course, I wanted TO have it
plentifulIy splashed with local color. so I
put in the Oldest and most characteristic
Washington joke I could find. Somehow,
nothing else in the story seemed 10 me
quite so true 10 life here as that joke.
felt that the fate Of my story as an ac-
curate picture Of the Capital hinged on II.
It's the old question and answer. style Of
wit The question is. Has So-and-so been
entertaining this season? And the an
swer IS. Not very. I've always heard
that Dolly Madison apologized f5r using
IT, because IL was so old even in her day
Now, I wrote that joke plainly in my
copy, and sent it 10 a typewriter. Then
went South and felt secure. The type
written copy came 10 me and there in
stead OF Not very was Not very much.
crossed out the much and sent the
manuscript TO my publishers. Presently
they wrote me that a magazine would Use
the story as a serial II I'd cut il down
ten thousand words or so. I mutilated IT,.
and had the viscerated copy typewritten.
The Not very much cropped up again.
and I fixed it as before. By and by
the magazine proofs came. and there was
Not very much where I wanted Not
very to be. I cut out the much. but
when the magazine with that part Of
The story in came out, there it was, in
again I read the galley proofs OF the
story as it's going 10 be In book form.
and changed Not very much, TO Not
very II didn't make bit Of difference.
The page proofs came along, and there
was much stuck in again I sent the
corrected proofs back. and 7 hurried 10
New York as fast as I could. I went 10
the publishers. I told him how I'd fought
for that dear cid ioke-how I was ready
10 die for It If need be was too late.
The book was at the binders. They show
ID me the pages OF II. Not very much
taunted me from the printed page. II
was the one crushing disappointment OF
my entire career. The work OF months
simply thrown away because there's no
way of punctuating or underlining or
marking joke so that It viii be allowed
to stay where you put Il"
The Mernaid's Excuse.
From the New York Globe.
Battery Dan" Finn, not the least pic