The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1907-11-25
EASTPORTTOWAKETHE WORLD
TERWILLIGER IS IN TOWN WITH
A NEW INVENTION.

He Calls 10 an Eye Opener. but 1t Gets a
Man Out OF Bed. TOO-AlsO Asslages
His Thirst-A Demonstration with an
Extremely Disappointing Conclusion.
Scientific Americans all over the world
will experience an indeflnable but very real
pleasure at hearing that Horatio Demos
themes Terwilliger, better known simply
as Terwilliger of Eastport. l.. l.. the Peer
less Inventor, has come once more TO the
metropolis on his regular semi-annual 10
per cent. OF visit. The EastpoTt expert
menter is an abstruse and unaffected IL
somewhat ~corpulent man. but every six
months he declares a visit to New York
as regularly as the Scrub Oak Bank de-
clarss it's s~emi-annual dividend.
Well. Terwilliger struck the town two
days ago, and ever since hen scientific
progress has been looking up; n small
wonder when you consider that Terwilligcr
has at last perfected a brand new invention.
and that literally an eye opener.
A SUN reporter found the inventor seated
in one Of q harmless looking row Of armchairs
in the Bally Langford House. Michael Fin
nerty, proprietor, at 12%WashingtOn street.
Descending a couple Of steps with a good
deal Of unnecessary trepidatiOn the reporter
entered the clean little place with its saw
dust hOOr and spotless bar. n advancing
three steps TO the west and describing an
angle Of ninety degrees came face to face
with 800 pounds Of ingenuity.
Terwilliger nodded pleasantly and pro-
ducing a pocket typewriter offered it to the
frightened young man. At the same time
he began 10 converse fiuently and with ease,
as does a person who has studied a foreign
tongue for three weeks in a correspondence
school course.
young man." the inventor said with
modest JUNCTION. what I am about to tell
you will make you sit up and take notice.
Since the time when 1 contrived my chicken
picking machine there hain't ben nothink
like it. 1t is a lallapalooser. il do say IL.
I've invented a device for the perpetuatiOn
of wakeHulness-an eye opener
By this time the Sun man was quite pop
eyed with expectancy and ventured to in
Quire feebly:
what is it2"
"It's an eye opener. replied the inventor.
wrinkling his brows so deeply that a mas
seur would have given him up in despair.
yes, | know: but what kind OF thing Is
il? What useful purpose is it to serve in
the worId2" was the timid reply.
Terwilliger snOrted heavily.
young man." he barked. al eye opener
is an eye opener, and that's all l can say
about il till I give you a detailed description.
For further particulars see my catalogue"
Thereupon he handed out n dope sheet.
A careful scrutiny Of the dope sheet did
not reveal much that was lucid and under
standable. The reporter now executed
alone and unaided a forward pass by asking
the inventor to describe his contrivance
in his own words.
Terwillixer mopped his sable brow.
sWell,' he began. Il hardly INC how
to tell you about this eye opener I've de-
vised.
ct struck me a long time ago that a real
eve opener was sadly needed in this world.
An alarm clock is all right in it's way.
though most people damn It's way:
at may make a man wake Up. but does
Il ret him uD7 In other words, cause him
TO get out OF his downy bed9 From my
experience I can't say as IL does.
well, 1 resolved that the alarm clock
should be the basis OF my invention. mas
much as It is calc'lated to wake a person
up. Next thing was TO get him ~.
sIt has often struck me that II you was to
see a fifty dollar bill or specially a hundred
dollar bill right before you you are quite
sure to be stirred into sudden activity.
-NOw. l says to myself, nothink n more
calclated to get q maj to really git up out
of bed than a Atty or a hunderd dollar bill.
Therefore I decided TO add to the alarm
clock a Atty OF a hunderd dollar bill.
The mex thing that struck me was that
something was needed TO keep a man from
hopping back into bed again. A phOno-
graph in the act Of rendering The Holy
City or somethink like that would be apt
to drive n person distracted tu ne a
gotten out OF earshOt.
you see. he might stop an alarm clock
which kept a~-ringing. or smash Il. OF some
think like that. but he couldn't do that TO
photograph set up high in the wall. Mebbe
| you'll say he couldn't do it TO an alarm
! clock, but he could by heavinR a brick at
it. while a brick striking the horn OF a
photograph wouldn't do any damage worth
mentioning to the machine.
THE idea as developed so far, then.
was for an alarm clock with a continuous
for-ten-minutes attachment plus a fifty OF
a hundred dollar bill which should reveal
itself alluringly.
Then IL struck me In talking with Mr..
Finnerty here that some people understand
by an eye opener an Intoxicating drink.
not very Intoxicating and only one, but still