Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1907-10-25
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Passenger-When does this train
start? Porter-When the whistle
blows.-Nos Loislrs.
Newrich-A man can get along with
out ancestors. Mack-True, but his
children can't.-Town Topics.
There are only two kinds Of children
your own perfect. little cherubs and
the ill-behaved brats owned by other
people.-Town Topics.
II, sir" began Bragg, "am a self
made man." YES" replied Wise, "but
why apologize now2 That won't help
matters rs"-PhlladelphIa Press.
"One to-day Is worth two to-mor-
rows" said the philosopher. You're
another" replied Pat. "Tomorrow's
pay day."-Chlcago Record-Herald.
Editors Wife-Llsten how the tea
kettle sings, my dear! Edltor-Small
wonder! put lot Of "Sprlng Songs
In the fire just now.-Meggendorfer
Blatter
Patience-What reason had she for
marrying him? Patrlce-Why, he had
money. Patience-That is not rea-
son; that is an excuse.-Yo Yonkers
Statesman.
American Magnate-What! You in
sist upon my settling million on your
Why, yesterday you said only $5OO,OOO.
Duke-But since then I've seen the
girl.-Town Topics.
Mistress Ito new maid)-Above all
things, expect you to be reticent.
Maid-Yes, ma'am, certainly. (Curi-
ously) But what is there to be reti-
cent about ?-Lustlge Blatter.
marie, can't you play tennis with
out making all that noise?" "Now.
ma. who In the world ever heard of
anyone's playing tennis without
racquet? ?"-Baltimore American.
Jorkins-Drugged and robbed! Why
don't you have some action taken in
the matter? Jobson-I can't. sup
pose the fellow had my permission.
You see, he was my doctor.-New
Yorker.
Daughter-So, mamma, you desire
me to marry Mr.. Baldhead. I simply
detest him; he's perfect idiot; 1t
would take too long to enumerate all
his faults. Mother-very well, my
dear; you'll be able to tell him all
that when you are marrled.-Pele Mele.
Pinch-Don't get foolish just because
you've had little money left to you.
You'd better be economical now. Gay
ley-Ah It's too hard. Pinch-But II
you don't live economically now you'll
have to later. Gayley-Well, 1t isn't
80 hard to be economical when you
have to.
Mrs. Egerton Blunt-But why did
you leave your last place? Applicant
I couldn't stand the way the mis-
tress and master used to quarrel, mum.
Mrs. p. B. (shocked)-Dear me! Did
they quarrel very much, then? Appli-
cant-Yes, mum; when 1t wasn't me
an i'm, 1t was me an 'er.-Answers.
Wilhelm-Well, old man, haven't
seen you for an age. And how do you
dnd matrlmony suits you? Johann
(slghing)-It's an expensive Joy. If
had only known what I had to pay in
mllllners' Bills Wilhelm-You
would have remained single, eh? Jo-
hann-No. I would have married the
milliner.-Uustlge Blatter.
Mr.. Housekeep-For goodness sake
What are you crying about? Mrs.
Housekeep- Bridget got mad and left
this afternoon (sob) without mo-
ment's (sob) notice. Mr.. Housekeep-
Well, you were going to discharge her,
anyway. Mrs. Housekeep-I know
(sob). That's the trouble. She (sob)
got ahead of me.-Philadelphia Press.
'"That city man spent Sunday with
you, didn't he?" said Farroway. what
did he say about your place" "Oh,"
replied Subbubs, "he talked nonsense;
said 1t was a pity didn't buy a place
nearer the station" "Well, well y
"Yes; told him the real pity was
that my place wasn't near enough to
the station to ell."-Philadelphia
Press.
"Yah, there!" angrlly exclaimed
Saymold Storey, who had curled him
self up and gone to sleep on the sunny
side of an ash barrel in the alley.
"Wot We pokln' me thataway fur?"
"Oxcuse me, blease," said the rag
nIclrar dronnlnn hia iron hnolr In aa.