Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1907-08-06
STRANGE WAR TALES.
The Pension Bureau Hears Of Peculiar
Horrors.

Every ailment known to medical
science and some that are entirely
original, If not imaginary, are includ-
ed in the category of Affections which
seek amelioration through the United
State pension commissioners.
No matter how unreasonable may
appear the stories contained in these
applications for pensions. each receiv-
es a thorough investigation by the Sc
cret service Of the bureau, an organi-
Zation which shrinks from advertising
its exploits, although its members
could tell hundreds Of tales Of inter-
esting variety. Pension Commissioners
Warner has decided objections to pub
licity being given the secret work Of
the office, but a leak will occasionally
occur. Not infrequently the applica-
tions show clearly the earmarks of
fraud, and sometimes a shrewd detec-
tive is sent thousands Of miles to gath
er facts as to the claim. Often both
men and women stretch their imagi-
nation as we'll as conscience in their
persistent effort to be placed on Uncle
Sans pension rolls. Some Of the
cases are as old as they are interest
ing. Here's a fellow who wants
pension for a total wreck"
"I fust got to be a total wreck frum
liver and kidney trubbles and then 1
was totally wrecked by consumption,
which come on me suddenly like, and
now 1 am more totally wrecked by
army troubles, sprains and hard
marching"
An ex-soldier in Ohio wrote: II
don't exactly know what disease 1 am
suffering with, but I do know that
deserve a pension, as 1 am suffering
the pains of death all over my body
and legs and feet. Make 1t good one
for fought hard for the flag"
A henpecked husband, who evident
.ly has no use for his wife, says In his
application: "I got blood poison by be-
ing hit with hens egg which was not
good. When you send my pension
want it made so as my wife won't get
any of it. for she is the one who
throwed the egg"
A veteran in West Virginia thinks
he should receive a pension because he
fell off a thirty-foot bridge during the
war. which resulted in a general
breaking up Of my entire system"
veteran of the 4th Wisconsin infantry
was salivated by reason of excessive
use of salt pork during his army ca
reer. and applies for a pension on the
ground that he "got salvation In the
army"
The following extract is an excellent
example Of an injury which made it.
self known after an interval OF more
than forty years: "The way l got my
war injury was catching hog. Our
captain wanted her for forage, an he
was chasin' the hog, an she crawled
through a hoale in a rale fence. 1t
was a big hoale an thot was about
the size of the hog, an L tried TO
crawl thro', but I stuk an trying to
wiggle out 1 throde the rales off, an
one hit me on the he'd an knocked me
senseless. I don't think the ketchin'
of the hog had anything to do with
my line Of duty, an wants pension
The hog was never ketched."
A veteran in Howard county, Mary
land sent the testimony of a neigh
Dor, who no doubt meant well enough
but did not know how to express him.
self. The latter swore to the state
ment that he had known the claimant
for twelve years. and that "he would
not work unless compelled to- the
witness really meant to say that the
claimant while really unable to work
by reason of his physical infirmities,
was frequently compelled to attempt
labor in order to sustain himself. AS
a companion piece this will do: II am
a native Of Missouri. 1 want job In
your office, then I won't ask for no
more raise in pension. 1 clerk o. K,
but can't labor. I could boss the
other clerks and make them stand
around and raise duly entitled PEN
sions, keep them from loafing and
whispering in office hours, and see that
things worked right. I could show
them how
A rather remarkable declaration
was made by Michigan veteran. He
stated under oath that he picked up
shell on a battlefield of the Wilder
ness and took it into his tent While
holding the missile between his knees
examining 1t. the shell exploded,
badly shattering my nervous SYSTEM
but miraculously causing no other In
jury. An ex-cannoneer of one OF the
regular batteries claims that he stop
ned a. cannon ball with his abdomen.
and has since been badly troubled with
stomach disorders. The ball, he says,
was a spent one, and came bounding
along, striking him squarely on the
exterior of the inner man.
From Tennessee a widow writes:
INV husband was terribly bloated In
his stomach. He couldn't stoop over
or straiten up without helpin him.
self. To ham, beans, pork, eggs and
cabbage his stomach was repulsive
His reumatics was the kind called
plumbago. His dropsy was terrible" :"
A neighbor of one Orville Jameson,
who asked for a pension because Of
dropsy, wrote: II believe that Orvllle
Jameson is fatiged from arnin' his
livin' becos he's too fat an ways 200
pounds or more. The naighbors think
he have dropsy. but I know he have
no dropsy, becos he'd bust If he had
more inside him than he now have.
He are without vitious habits or ref
erences."
The widow Of a man who shoulder
ed a musket in the Pennsylvania re-
serves wanted a pension and she was
asked If her husband was ever wound
ed.
"Oh, yes" was the answer, "he re-
ceived an axe wound of the left foot"
Being asked to explain the circum-
stances surrounding the wounding Of