The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-06-18
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mamma, is Uncle Jake very
wealthy?" Enormously so, my dear"
What is he guilty of?"-Life
Elsie-What did he do when you
told him he must not see you any
more? Ada-He turned down the light.
ALLY Sloper.
She-That Mr.. Scarey is the most
chicken-hearted fellow | ever met. He
Possibly he was an. incubator baby
Boston Record.
do you believe that the good die
young?" Il guess they do, If all my
wife tells about her first husband is
true. Houston Post.
Madame Ito her newly arrived maid
servant) What Is that you are bring
ing in your hand? Maid-Oh, that is
nothing but little crockery cement
Meggendorfer Blaetter.
Are you related to the bride or
groom-elect?' inquired the busy usher.
NO" Then what interest have you
In the ceremonyf" "I'm the defeated
candidate. -Courier-Journal.
What well informed woman that
Mrs. Wadleigh is, isn't she?" "Why
shouldn't she be? Her cook has worked
for nearly everybody In the neighbor-
hood."-Philadelphla Inquirer.
"Mlster!" well" said the drug
gist. NAV wants to know If she tries
a porous plaster for a week an don't
like 1t, will you exchange it fer tooth
brushY- Minneapolis Tribune.
Mistress (engaging new servant)-
And hope you're not too friendly with
the policemen. servant-Lor, no,
ma'am. l ate 'em. My father was a
Hanarchist, mum.-Pick- -Me-Up.
Mistress Ito colored house boy)-
Don't your new shoes hurt you, Sam?
Sam-Yaas'm, dey do hurt me consid'-
able; sometimes l has ter get up in de
middle of de night m tek'm off.-Smart
Set.
Polite Floorwalker-What can we
show you to-day, lady? Mrs. Finicky
For goodness sake, my man, don't
call me ''lady" Pollre Floorwalker-
Excuse mel see now that l was mis-
taken.-Clipped.
"Aha!" exclaimed Mr.. Jellus "Been
treasuring another mans picture all
these years, heyT "Not exactly an
swered his better half. "That's a photo
taken of you, dear, when you had hair"
Washington Herald.
Speaking Of idle curiosity" said the
typewriter boarder, "men have more of
it than women" Naturally" rejoined
the scanty-haired bachelor. ''The curl
osity of women Is anything but idle;
1t works overtime Chicago News
Madge-I don't know whether to be
mad or not. Kitty-What's the mat.
ter? Madge-I just met Charlie Brown
apd he said this veil was very becom.
ing. You know It's so thick can't see
through 1t at all.-Detroit Free Press.
Have you any request to makeY'
asked the sheriff Of the erstwhile socie-
ty man who was to be hanged on the
morrow. Eyes, one," replied the con-
demned man. LET me tie the moose
myself. never yet wore ready-made
tie."-Philadelphla Press.
wealth has Its disadvantages" said
the philosopher "Yes," answered the
man with sporting inclinations. 1T
must be very monotonous for man to
be able to bet five or ten thousand dol
lars on a horesrace without caring
whether he loses it or not."-Washing-
ton Star.
Doctor, I want to thank you for
your valuable medicine" "It helped
you, did it?" asked the doctor, very
much pleased. 1T helped me wonder
fully" "How many bottles did you
find 1t necessary to take?H "Oh, didn't
take any of it. My uncle took one bot.
tie, and am his sole heir."-Philadel.
phla Inquirer.
Golfer (who rather fancies himself)
Il suppose you've been round the links
with worse players than me, eh? (The
caddie takes no notlce.) Golfer Gin his
loudest voice)-I say, l suppose you've
been round the links with worse play
ers than me, eh? Caddie-I heard yer.
ra weel what ye said the first time.
I'm just thinkin' aboot 1.-THE Sketch.
Counsel defending prlsoner)-I am
follower of Lombroso and believe
that my client was predestined to per.
form the deed, therefore he should not
be punished, but should be acquitted.
judge also am follower of Lom-
broso, and believe that was predes-
tined to pronounce judgment upon the
prisoner. therefore sentence him to
two years imprisonment.-Lus
Blaetter.
VerOnese's Big Painting.