The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1907-12-09
A BACHELOR GOES DAFT
ABOUT PRIZE HUSBANDS

Editor Advertiser iSel II ny NANS
- ranort that you have very narrow
" escaped being indicted for man
slaughter. escaped merely by 1.-The
skin Of your teeth" and that, I guess
e margin narrow enough to satisfy
the ambition of any editor of any
newspaper.
Your paper of last Sunday was al
most the death of me. AS usual,
started in to read it with the feeling
that / was going TO be both edited
and amused, which indeed was until
came TO the heading Husbands as
Prizes"
had scarce mentally murmured
those three words when an undefnable
feeling of dread took hold of me, an
intuitive perception of something gone
wrong. a prognostication of something
dreadful to follow. When I had read
through the first two paragraphs felt
hot and cold all over, from the top
of the spinal column to the bottom;
yea, l was Hlleu Win d A4SANS0o' 80
dignation that the dignity, the nobil-
itv. the majesty of man should be so
grossly outraged, prostituted to such
base purposes.
Paragraph three made me "cateh my
breath; indeed, 1 only just caught II
in the nick of time, else had fallen
Aabbv and MINDLESS like busted bal
loon. Before 1 had got through para
graph four 1 fairly shook with pas
sion, for tits a wicked libel on a queen
whose virtues were SO conspicuous to
even suppose such wickedness was
done during her reign.
Paragraph five made me stagger,
and "see red; under number six
reeIad as though struck below the belt,
and numbers seven and eight finished
the business completely, for l fell down
in a heavy swoon and did not recover
consciousness for almost two days.
When at last 1 ''came to" my feel
ines were most extraordinary, almost
bevond language to express; seemed
10 have been dragged down to the
lowest deeps of humiliation. Sir, l
nrotest; in the name of outraged man
hood Indignantly protest. why
should man be held out as the induce
ment chance of a lottery for the graf
;fca+ion of a pack of brazen-faeed
widows and spinsters? Why, indeed!
There is no reason; it is a diaboilcai
| outrage 1t is a wicked and 1nsldlous
attempt planned by designing females
| RI ustlrp the authority and the rights
| az man. 1t is a vicious attempt 10
| overthrow all presidents. Was 1t not
| the noble ST. Paul who so eloquentiy
and courageously declared that the
woman must be brought under suoJec-
/ tom? And did he not also warn GER
/ tain of his congregations to keep an
/ ova,, on widows, notably young Wlo-
| ov,sq And as to all aspiring spinsters'
| aia not fhe great Bard of Avon, Mr.
! ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS, through the mourn
Of Mr. Hamlet, promulgate this law
| chose who are married all but one
! shau live. the rest shall remain as
thew are? Then why doesn't every
| t3Ndv remain lin statu quo? Ancient
records of authority clearly prove tnat
| this institution of marriage was the
invention of an INDECENT prlesthoou
wanting the needful medium OF ex-
change for biweekly suppers OF trlpe
opa onions. and roast pork and apple
sauce on Sundays.
C;r am told your name is both
ancient and noble, the origin OF II,
however. lost in the evaporation ol
+ha oreat primeval mist. But let tnai
mass 1t is we'll known you are aus
+inouished ornament of that grea'
family branch which has peopied one
quarter of the globe. (Entre nous the
ether three-ouarters are being home
steaded by the historic families Brown
ZONES and Robinson.) No less moore
than your name is your character Ioi
generosity. and to that generosity
will now appeal.
S;r ..tbe time is out of joint Their
someone ought to set to and mend IL
Another question is ito be or not u
no Whether tits nobler in the MIND e
suffer the loss of liberty and the non
orahle estate of single o.
> 70 take arms against an adventurlns
/ horde of audacious widows and spin
! sters and by opposing drive them GU
of the market"
That sir. is not an exact copy O
tho world-famous text. 1 know it; bu
if is superior in that it is direct, Incl
sive and much more to the point
| When YOU have assured yourself D
| that fact. then please to give your at
/ tention-as also the further necessar!
spaee in your columns-to the attach
| ed praiseworthy effort to save unsus
| Meeting and would-be benedicks TIL
great humiliation of being onered VI
| as sacrificial prize husbands
| T. w. G.
] TO vACLLLATING MAN.