The new age., 1907-03-09
GOOD
Short Stories

Oliver Herford, who is equally IA
liant wit, was entertaining four mag
azine editors at luncheon when the bell
rang, and a maid entered with the
mail. "Ah,' said an editor, IAN epis-
tle." NO." said Mr.. Herford, tearing
open the envelope an epistle,
collect"
Walking about his estate Mr.. Dives
halted a laborer who was digging
drain, and solemnly inquired if he were
ready to die. The man admitted that
he hadn't thought Of passing away just
yet. "But every time / breathe, man
dies" solemnly remarked the million
aire in tones of terrible warning.
"Gee!" cried the unmoved laborer,
why don't you chew few clovesf"
"If go on trial." said the prisoner,
"do have to sit here and hear all the
hypothetical questions asked by the
lawyers" Certainly" said the judge.
"And hear all the handwriting ex-
p6TLS vi COuISS, AHu IullOW tue
reasoning of the chemistry and insan-
ity experts?" "Very probably" said
the judge 'Well, then, Judge, will
enter my plea" What is it?" asked
the judge. GUILTY."
NJ. Deverne was waiting at a station
in Ireland for his train. Two Irish
y,,ar antorod ond nprooad in +ha folIov
ing conversation "Sure, Pat, it's down
to Kilmary I've been, on me way back
now to Fitzpatrick" "Arrah, musha,
Mike, it's meself that's just after COM
ing from being down to Kilkenny,
stopped bit before go down to Kill
Moore" 81 say, Pat. let US take the
day and go down to KilMaule." "Ye
gods," exclaimed the Frenchman, what
France"
A yellow haired descendant or the
Vikings walked into the office of
prominent attorney the other day and
said: "Ay want you to make some
papers out. Ay buy a farm in Powell
Valley, and ay tank ay want mort
gage" why do you want mort
gage" exclaimed the lawyer, "lf you
bought the farm? Don't you want a
deed?" mo, ay tank not. Sax years
ago ay buy farm and getta deed and
neder fellar come along with mort
gage and tax da farm. Ay tank ay
tax mortgage"
Henry Arthur Jones. the noted En-
glish playwright, was giving the stu
dents of Yale an address on the drama.
"Ysur American yernacular Is pictur-
esque," he said, "and it should help
your playwrights to build strong. racy
plays. But neither vernacular nor any
thing else is of moment if perseverance
is lacking. No playwright can succeed
who Is like a man l know. said to
this man, one New Years Day: DO
you keep diary, Philip Yes he
answered. I've kept one for the first
two weeks in January for the last sew
en- years.
A record breaker In absent-minded-
ness is certainly a Paris citizen, who
appeared the other day before a mag
istrate to ask for marriage license.
He answered correctly and without
hesitation all the questions as to his
name, age and occupation, but when
asked for the name of his finance he
became embarrassed, and finally replied
dejectedly that he had entirely forgot
ten to ask her for it. This, remarks
Boulevard paper, recalls the distraction
OF the famous fable poet, La Fontaine.
Meeting one day in salon young
man, he was so favorably impressed
by his conversation that he expressed
his admiration for him in the most
| fattering terms. But he is your own
son. exclaimed a guest, in astonish-
| ment. "Is it SOP" replied the poet; ;
"then am the more delighted to make
his acquaintance"