davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03
THE INNOCENT BYSTANDER,
HER EXPENSE BOOK.

dainty book 10 is. in s0oth.
All bound in crimson leather.
\ pleasing sight IT is. iu truth
She and the book together.
She bends above the pages neat
And once more she commences
The long, brain-wracking. firing feat
OF counting her expenses.
Now s and that's So
Oh. where can I have blundered?
1 know I've not dollar left
The book says I've a hundred"
The debit column bends across
The page az quite an angle,
She gives her glossy curls a toss
And cOutemp.Jtes the tangIe
She knows that figures never lie
She counts "Hajrplus. u,
Lace 9, then with "a fretfuI siga
She adds January 1891
And and 4 is Ca
Alas, once more I've bluudered.
There's not collar in my purse
The book says I've a hundred"
The pretty book is prone 90 vex
And drive her 20 distraction
/ Her pencil point at last she wrecks
Upon q peSly fraction
+ And then she pouts and wakes glum
And scratches our the column.
T And iabs the monending sum
And says iH accents solemn.
Ny husband said / should keep count.
Ana I suppose he meant it
/ One hundred got that amount
And here I'll note ] spent it,
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
EORsAKrN

The little toy horse Is shy
4 leg. an ear, "a tail;
Whilst the dolly has lost an eye
And is waxing very pale
Time was when both these toys
Did braveiy make show
The pride OF girls and boys
But that was a week ago.
The wheels Of the little mill,
Alas. no longer spin.
And the kicking COW is still
Her gaudy stall within.
Time Was when both these toys
Set tiny cheeks aglOw;
But childhood quickly clogs
And that was a week ago.
The little red horn IS dumb,
\ poor, discarded cone,
Which but for the little drum
Would moulder there alone.
Time was when both these toys
That now are laid SO low
Loomed foremost I'm the noise
But that was a week ago.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03
A GREAT PUBLIC SERVICE.
Presidents Attitude Toward Preda-
tory Interests.

FROM tlg New llrk Press.
But with ali his imperfections and
weaknesses, this paper does not forget and
the American people do not forget that
Theodore Roosevelt is the champion OF
the public and that what little has been
accomplished against the wi!es and the
power Of the special interests the people
Of The United States owe 10 him II he
were 10 make worse mistakes than ne has
made II there were 10 be more disap-
p0intments Of the Paul Morton and COrtel-
YOU kind, If there were % be repetitions OF
the Iamentable Twenty-fifth Infantry Incl
dent still the American people would not
forget that IL is Theodore Roosevelt who
has stood up for them against the cOrpor-
atoms intrenched. with their hired ser
wants. in the very Citadels OF government.
and that the best way the special interests
See 60 prevent the restoration 10 the pub
lie OF its own is for them 10 embarrass
and tEwart and destroy Theodore Roose-
welt
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03
As a Favor to Bishop Doane.

From the Atlanta Constitution
As is well known tn New York State. a
statute forbids the burial Of human bodies
in the city Of Albany. Bishop Dcanc. IL
is said. was instrumental in having
passed a special act permitting the inter
ment of his remains when DE should
die. in the Cathedral M Albany.
After quite a struggle The good man
succeeded IN getting his act passed by
the lawmakers, but what was his as
constituent and chagriu to observe a
most extraordinary provision in the text.
After the usual verbiage there was n
clause that ran something like this.
We do grant that Bishop Doane be
buried within the precincts Of the
cathedral az Albany This act % take
effect Immediately
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03

competitors in trade and industry. Shall
III be called socialism If these ancient prin-
ciples be written into our statute law, ard
If it be- required that no corporation shall
come into existence without expressly
agreeing that il will abide by them? And
shall il be counted socialistic to establish
the necessary agencies Of government
whereby justice may be maintained as
between corporations and the public? To
declare a just price and to insist upon
equality Of relation between corporation
and corporation. between corporation and
individual2
Between these ideas. traditional to our
race. ingrained in our habits OF thought.
and deep-rooted IN our Jurisprudence, and
the doctrine Of State socialism there is
great and impossible gulf To apply
them to modern Industrial conditions may
Inecessltate q considerable Increase i'm gov
ernmental functions. but such increase in
itself does not constitute socialism. To
enlarge governmental functions 80 that
the power Of the government may exceed
that of the corporations it has created
may be dangerous, as many excellent
people fear, but not so dangerous as TO
allow governmental power TO fall help
lessly short of its transcendent duty to
maintain justice in all human relations
The American people will never permit
any creature Of the law TO o'ertop the
government and defeat its vital purpose
a contemporary says Mr.. Roosevelt
works thirty-six hours day" Mistake
Mr.. Roosevelt has done some pretty
strenuous things since he was elected
but candor compels the statement that ne
hasn't yet heightened the day 10 thirty
six hours.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03

of us. II is fast becoming a region Of
teeming industry and peaceful homes, in
stead Of resort of the rough and crimi-
nal elements. In Alexandria County are
located immense railway terminals and
warehouses. the important army post of
Fort Myer, and a number of growing in
dustries. Il is due to Mr.. Mackey's en-
ergy and devotion to duty that Fort Myer
is not surrounded by the low and degrad-
ing influences which characterize the en-
vironment of so many army posts and
that railway men and employees of the
brickyards and other industries are not
subjected 70 the temptations afforded by
low saloons and gambling resorts.
We understand Mr. Mackey's enemies
are endeavoring TO compass his defeat,
with a view to lifting the lid in Alexan-
dria County We hope the good people Of
that county will keep Mr.. Mackey in Of
flee, and stand by him in his efforts TO en-
force law and maintain public order in
THAT important Washington suburb.
| Was there a constructive recess between
1905 and 1907? If so, what would you call
/ it-lg06Ia?
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03
4 Terrible Prediction.

From the New Orleans Picayune.
Should, however, this republic come to
be an empire under autocratic control. a
great proportion Of the army Will be
made up Of negroes who will be used TO
keep the rebelliOus whites in submission.
This will only be repeating history. II
was done by the Egyptians, Cartha-
ginans. and Romans
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03
Let the Law BE Supreme

From the Philadelphia Press.
For every undeveloped race and for
every developed race the one remedy for
racial disorder and for all other forms
of social friction is the efficient discharge
Of the law. Racial friction may make
things worse. But at bottom the race
issue is one of equal laws and their just
and efficient enforcement. Enforce the
law in the Southern or Northern State
and the vexing issues OF race. of indus
trial difficulties. OF mObs and Of lynChing
would all end
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03
No Go.

Il took an Italian TO the grand opera
last night"
What fOr2"
For an experiment I wanted 10 find
out if be could understand what the
Italian singers were driving at, but he
couldn't"
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03

From a speech by Senator Bailey
Did you ever hear my most malignant
enemy say I ever cheated tie State or
nation? They say l ought not 10 borrow
money. I'd rather borrow than steal Il.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03
4 Contrast in Presidents.

From the London Financial News.
Joseph H. Choate was asked to define
the difference between ex-President CIeve-
land and President Roosevelt Well" he
said. Mr. Cleveland is too lazy to hunt
and Mr.. Roosevelt is too restless to fish"
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03
PEOPLE OF NOTE.
CorteIyou VIII Resign.

Il can be authoritatively stated that
George b. Cortelyou viii resign the chair
manship Of the Republican National Com
mittee before bee is transferred from the
Postmaster Generalship TO the Secretary
ship of the Treasury. Under present ar
engagements made by the President Mr.
Cortelyou viii become Secretary of ,he
Treasury March T. unless, Of course, ,hc
agitation now going on against this ar
rangement should cause the President 40
change his mind. which is not considered
probable. 1t can also be stated Juthori-
tatively that Mr.. Cortelyou would have
Withdrawn from all official connection
with the national committee soon after
President Roosevelts Inauguration e L
had not been for the fact that that in
te-esting event was quickly followed
by the insurance exposures I'm New York.
out Of which il was known the enemies
Of the President had hoped 20 make capt.
tai against both the President and Mr.
COrtclyou- When this scheme became ap-
parent 1t was then determined by both
President Roosevelt and his Postmaster
General that the w:sest thing 10 do would
be for Mr.. CortelyOu 10 retain The chair
manshlp IN order 20 meet and Tefute amy
charges that might be brought against
him. Now that there is 30 longer any
ground upon which 70 accuse Nj CorteI-
you or the Persistent IF bringing any sort
OF influence 10 bear upon the insurance
companies for campaign contributions.
and ia further view of the fact that The
President desires Mr.. C0Tttlyou 30 cake
charge Of the Treasury Department. the
latter viii al an early date announce his
resignation Of the national Craftsmanship.
He will be succeeded in that position by
Col Harry New. of Indianapolis
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03
So Convenient.


From PUCK.
Agent-This is the automobile you want.
You never have to crawl under it to fix
it,
Spaker-You dont2
Agent-No. If the slightest thing goes
wrong with the mechanism 1t instantly
turns bottom side up.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03
RIhaId lest.

The old year and the new year were
talking.
was watched out by some" re-
marked the old year, and by others
was danced out"
Did you get cussed ont by anybody
inquired the new year with coarse humor.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03
Our Newest Puzzle.

From the Hartford Times.
The car shortage suggests "a different
conundrum. The old puzzle used to be,
Where do all the pins go? The new
question is. Where do all the cars go?
Nobody appears to have any.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03
Hear En- Jaw.

Speaking Of the choir invisible" be-
gan ParsOn Potiuck.
.WeH?"
A choir inaudible would also help
some"
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03

TI|I- u" IlI-I.-TlU -NII--
Mr.. Roosevelt has brought about a most
remarkable and Salutary change in the
prevalent feeling about the power Of
wealth as compared with the power Of
the nation. A few years ago, IL was apt
% be- taken for granted that in any gov
eruweDtal struggle 10 which the great
capitalistie interests were arrayed upon one
side. the other side had very little show.
Mr.. Roosevelt has changed all that. The
only question is whether the methods by
which he has brought about the change
viii. I'm the long run, be productive Of
more good than harm; and the present
condition or the States rights issue is q
good illustration Of the difficulty which
this question presents.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03

Former Senator DonelsOn Caffery, OF
Louisiana. who died "a few DAYS ago. was
an accomplished violinist. but De was ex-
.ceedingly careful not to exhibit his art i'm
such way as TO become known as a
'nddler.' II was on rare occasions only
when he would play the violin for the en-
tertainment Of persons not members OF hIs
family or who We're not very close
friends OF the latter class VINO enjoyed
the Louisiana stattsmaus hddling was
the late Senator Vest. OF Missouri The
Missourian was in declining health during
his last term IN the Senate, and seldom
left his residence al night Senator CAT
fiery used 10 go there once or twice week
with his violin and play for Senator Vest
the old tunes that they both learned and
loved as young cavaliers Of the South. In
the olden days. II is related that when
ever Mr.. Caffery became depressed he
would lock himself IN his room and scrape
away on his violin for hours finally
emerging ia high spirits and jovial mood
tie declared that be extracted more gen
ulue comfort from the instrument than
from any other resource Of entertainment
or advertisement He was a cousin Of
Senator II. J. Foster. who succeeded him
In the Senate They We're brought up Co.
gstEer IN The same towu-Frankliu-and
were inseparable companions until sepa-
rated by the fierce political quarrel in
louisiana in the FIRST Bryan campaign
Ar. Gallery presided over the Palmer and
Buckneg convention at Indianapolis and
carried The fight against Bryan into
Louisiana. lie and Senator Foster be-
came involved in "a personal controversy
that came near leading 20 a sensational
result They had not spoken for years
until the ex-Confederates held their ma
tiOnal reunion az New Orleans ia 1902 Mr.
/ Caffcrys daughter. Miss Gertrude
brought them together there. declaring
that she wanted 90 see another kind OF
/ reunion. When they grasped hands in the
presence Of mutual friends. both men were
overcome by emoti0a and wept. Senator
Foster was 1t the bedside OF Mr.. ClTpry
when he died
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03
He Explains.

"Oysti Ole 0yst' man.
"How's business, uncleo'
"PO'. sah Too many Rockefcllers CT
long dis route
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03
Voted for MckinIer

A member Of the faculty of Princeton
University. who is c1nversaut with the
facts. has brought the news o. Washing
ton mat Woodrow Wilson voted for AZ
Kinley Ga both campaigns gainst Bryan.
This Information has spread rapidly
through Democratic circles. and seems
already 20 have completely de5dened what
az one time gave promise Of being "a
rather vigorous boom for Princeton's able
administrator for the Democratic nomina-
ton in lalS. 1t IS generally agreed among
Democrats in Congress that, in spite az
tn, fusing If the fractional elements of
their party. u is entirely out of the ques-
,ior ,o talk Of nominating anybody who
holted Bryan. For this reason there VIII
probably be nothing more said about the
availability II Woodrow Wilson for 1905
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03
Pnuns of Politics.

From the Louisville CouTier-Journal.
The negro problem VIII never be solved
while the negroes permit themselves TO be
used by such men as Foraker as pawns
in the chess game Of national politics.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03

With desire for conquest smitten,
Jimmy got an awful scare
And. in fact. was badly bitten
BY an angry Teddy bear.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03

Secretary Straus is a recognized au-
thOrity on pottery That's very we'll for
ii is frequently desirable that Il Cabinet
officer be able TO distinguish clearly be-
tween the relative merits of the pot and
the kettle.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03

Down in Texas the Christmas festivities
are said TO have greatly interfered with
the cotton picking. Prosperity has got to
be such a continuous performance in that
State that the people can hardly find time
to enjoy themselves on the side.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03
The Tnuritten Inv.

From the Milwaukee Sentinel.
A country that has written constitu-
ton has no need of an unwTtten law.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03
Answers for the Anxious.

MiHc-ut writes. what is the best
way % get of a trolley carr"
When you hand your fare 10 the con
ductor uuIess you are with a friend, and
dispute with her over paying the fare
until YOU have reached your destination
tell Him just about where you would like
90 have the car stopped. The conductor
Will lift his cap and bow. and then COM
mInicate the intelligence 20 the motor
man, whose duty il is then to set the
brake and turn and salute YOU deferen-
TALLY. on arriving al your destination the
motoTman will pull the car % the curb
and the conductor viii proceed 10 say
farewell 20 the other passengers and VIII
assist you 90 aligHt by carrying your
packages and placing the tips Of his fin
gers upon your elbow. His duties and
responsibilities as far as you are con
ccrned end when YOU are safely on the
sidewalk.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03
And Game Is Plentiful.

From the Dallas News.
It is still the open season for high Off
Gals in Russia.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03
Congress and the Gas Company.

In the opinion OF the public generally.
Washington is paying too high a rate for
Illuminating gas. The entire community
hopes to see the Madden bill enacted into
law before the close of the present short
session Of Congress. Everything depends
upon the District Committees OF the Sen
ate and House. Five years ago the
House, by an overwhelming vote, directed
it's committee 10 report a bin reducing the
price of gas. 4 stock watering PROPOSE
ton, submitted with amazing efrontery
had opened the eyes Of the House to the
true situation here in Washington and, In
its Indignation. that body forthwith went
on record decisively in favor Of an imme-
date reduction. But we all know what
I happened. or. rather we do not know
what happened. We only know that the
viii of the House was deded and that
Washington got no cheaper gas.
I The Washington Herald prefers not to
believe 0ne-haif of the stories current re-
gardiEg the gas company and its infiu-
/ cnces and their qualifications II IS
much pIeasanter 10 believe that they are
/ il-founded or much exaggerated. We do
not wish TO see the company subjected TO
any injustice. Even If the record Of the
/ corporation is very shady IN sp0ts-badly
smudgcd. at Ieast-the company IS en-
titled % fair treatment No prolonged
/ investigation however. is necessary 10
show the propuety-the justice, in fact
! Of a lower rate The company itself has
/ twice given conclusive evidence on this
point-frst when it sought 10 water its
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03

A St Louis concern has installed s.
whistle that can be heard twenty miles
St Louis efforts 10 make itself heard are
truly strenuous.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03

In Atlanta the price OF a drink has been
raised to a quarter the price of a hair
cut to 30 cents. and the city hovers on
the verge of a prohibition election! Evil
IDENTIFY the once proud and lofty AT
lanta spirit isn't feeling we'll ut all these
dqz-C
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03
Henry Gibbles asks. How can I tie al

Henry Gibbles asks. How can l tie an
ascot scarf2T
Put the scarf around your neck and
cross the ends in a single knot. When
this gHdes up against your Adams apple.
pull it down and flap the ends over once
more. putting 1t as you do so. Now look
for a pin II will not be within reach.
Arouse the whole household by your
strenuous demands for that pin. and when
IL cannot be found change your mind and
wear another cravat.
WILBUR NESBIT.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03

The present indications are that Sena-
tor Bailey viii fail 10 be elected to the
lame duck society by a handsome ma
jOrity.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03

What Russia ought TO do is to get Mr.
Henry James to rewrite Kuropatkin's
history of the late war, instead Of destroy
ing 1t. 1t would look better upon the
part Of Russia, and nobody would ever be
able TO make heads or tails of It. anyhow
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03

Considering the number Of times the
Shah of Persia dies and then comes back
10 life again. We should think the job Of
royal undertaken in that country about
the most tantalizing ever
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03
RockefeIIer Interviews.

That John D. Rockefeller, who for a
generation has been a veritable sphinx,
and whose ways were inscrutable. is now
giving interviews to the newspapers every
few days. is the cause Of a good deal Of
public curiosity 1t Is understood. Of
course. that Mr.. Rockefeller has finally
come out Of his shell in the hope of being
able to create public opinion as favorable
as possible TO the Standard oil Company
in view of the pending prosecution in the
Federal courts; but even persons who
know him, express surprise at the fuency
which characterizes his interviews II
has been learned that his interviews are
carefully prepared at Standard on head
quarters in New York under the supervis-
ion of skilled newspaper men the chief of
whom is J. 1. c. Clark. the dramatist and
that they are then closely scrutinized by
the Standards chief counsel. Mr.. Elliott.
assisted by II. II. Rogers and John u.
ArChbOld. After they have passed
through these various hands they are
given TO the press; though, Of course,
in order to make them more impressive,
Mr.. Rockefeller himself meets one or two
reporters and discusses with them brief
" commonplace affairs. after which he
hands them the prepared interview. an
accommodation most grateful TO every
reportOrial heart,
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03
One of Hughes Tasks.

Politicians in Washington recognize that
the hardest strictly political task ahead
of Gov. Hughes is To prevent the re-
habilitauon by r. II. Hartman of former
Gov. OdeIL That the giant railroad mag
nate is determined to undertake to re-
store the power and prestige Of OdeH in
the Republican politics of New York is
well understood, and it is expected that
his efforts viii have d far-reaching effect.
involving, before the fight is over. fierce
struggle between the two or three groups
of men into which the big fuanciers Of
the country are now divided. Thus. Of
course, the fight will reach into national
politics, with a most important bearing
en- the Presidency two years hence. Il
goes without saying that President Ro0se-
velts influence viii be exerted either
openly or quietly against the Hartman
OdeN combine and 90 this extent be VIII
become identified with Gov. Hughes
purely political affairs BY the same
token. Of course. the PresideQt viii be
drawn into the struggle for control Of the
New York delegation 10 the next Repub-
Hcan national convention !n spite of his
announced determination 20 stand wholly
aloof from that fight Should the Har-
riman-Odcll crowd win. neither Gov.
Hughes nor anybody favored by the Pres
dcnt for the leadership Of the party in
1905 would stand a remote chance of
controlling the New York delegation,
which would go to the candidate accept
able to the sO-called conservative ele-
ment As the Hartman Railroad infIu-
ences now ramify the continent it can be
seen what Importance attaches to the
avOwed intention Of the railroad mag
nate 70 rehabilitate OdeU in New York
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03

A St. Louis burglar stole fountain pen
the other nisht and If they catch him he
ought. as 81 merited punishment 10 be
his natural life
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03

That dull. sickening thud you hear every
once In a while Is just another passenger
falling off the water wagon.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03

The GalOosahatchee River people now
want the State o. build dixie across the
marsh on the lower side of Lake Hicpo-
chez To shut of the surplus water from
Lake OkeeChobee." says the FeTnaudiua
fla Star. IL really seems as though
that would be rather an zee" sy job
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03

THE country must either slow up or
blow up." says Senator Hansbrough
just now. however, the urgent demand Is
that We settle up.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03

John d. Rockefeller says Life is fun
Of trials" Il viii De noticed that he only
started that line of talk after about a
bushel Of indictments had been returned
against the Standard Oil Company.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03

When did the New Year begin in this
country of ours, anyhow? 1t was New
Year Day on the island of Guam at $3.50
a. m. the day before il was New Years
Day in Washington.
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03

one reason the War Department has
debarred the white horse is because IL
takes much of the armys time now 20
/ look after our white elephants
The Washington herald., 1907-01-03

Tt is very much 20 be feared that Satan
is being literally supplied with more paw
ing material about this time.