Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-05-05
ANSWERS TO
CORRESPONDENTS,

lin this column will be answered all questions OF
tiers Uncle Jasper" star once. In case Of ain.
week or two Consequently Il may be advisable foe
all questioners to watch this column carefully.l
INTERESTED.-Ih heard some one say the
other day that this was the finest season
for poetry that had occurred i'm many
years What did he mean? A.-Perfectiy
simple. Owing to weather vagaries. odes
to winter and sonnets to spring have been
selling with equal facility. Yes?
CAPTAIN FREDDIE.-My employer has
had mo smoking" signs tackled up all over
our office. Do You think he would go so
far as to discharge me IL he caught mo
smoking pipe? A.-Undoubtedly he
would. You know the old saying. Where
there's smoke there's fire."
B. n. K.-Dear Uncle Jasper, I thought
1t might interest you to know that one-half
of the voters who were for Judge Parker In
1904 have gone over to Bryan. A.-Thanks.
Half you say. Whom Is the other man
going to vote for?
GEoRGE.-what is the meaning OF the
word ''uncanny?" A.-Well give you a
sample. 1t is uncanny the way the third
term rumor continues to be around and
about after that fearful swat the Presi-
dent gave 1t with an eiderdown pillow.
All. EDO you think 1t was right in
John Alexander Dowle to cut his Off in
his will with only $40? Ave certainly
do not. Haven't you been reading the pa
pers? Glad is going to write book.
. JOHN G.-Do you think, Uncle Jasper.
that 1t would be right for me to try to get
the best of any one In any way? A.-That
depends. Some men haven't any.
We all went down to jamestown.
Me and Sis and Pa.
We had perfectly lovely time.
But Pa-hes broke, he are.
ETHEL.-Does rain affect church attend
ance? Automatically. In the church We
attend there is never a vacant seat when it
is too wet for automobiing. tennis or golf.
MYRTLE.-Uncle Jasper, friend of mine
said to me on the street, You look more
like yourself than you have for a year"
What did he mean? Awe don't know
ought to see a doctor. The photo of your
self which you inclosed indicates that your
friend is conservative and has great self
restraint.
M. X. Pillow is 1t that 1 have heard
nothing of Senator Beveridge of late? A
The senator is taking a rigorous course of
violent exercise. He always has been fond
MOTHER.-Do you think 1t is all right
for me to let my six-year-od boy go to
place where they are having charades?
A.-That depends, madame. on whether
he's-ever had them or not. They're so
catching.
CURRENTS dementia Americana the
most recently discovered form Of insanity?
A.-Oh, no. Dementia financial is the very
latest. 1t was discovered to cover lottery.
embezzlement, ETC., from 100000 up.
B. H JONES.-Uncle Jasper, how is the
presidential situation coming on? A
Briskly. Jones. briskly. Ohio is In a state
of mob riot and Illinois Is standing by the
Cannon with q lighted match. Fairbanks
Is not yet noticeably feverish.
Just watch" said busy Theodore,
''Fll kill this third term rumor; /.
/ won't be pestered In my mind
BY every hustllng boomer"
He crept behind the rumor's back g
(Oh. see the weeping Willow.
And struck the unsuspecting thing
With soft and squshy pillow.
UNCLE JASPER