The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1907-09-07

the best posted man IN town. that he
was posted for dues by four lodges, the
Exalted Order Of Hay Pressers, Odd
Fellows. woodmen and K P's.
We were feeling srouchy at the time
we wrote this item because of lack
Of funds to get the patent insides of
the Hay Press out of the express Of
fee. Consequently we took our venom
out on everything and everybody. from
the trusts TO local individuals. A coun-
try editor often says slurring things
OF people and corporations just because
he is down in the mouth over his own
affairs.
We hope that this explanation will
be satisfactory to Glib and other ag-
grieved townsmen.
Lambasted by a Coon Lawyer.
An odd suit over the trespassing OF
a neighbours premises by chickens was
tried in Justice Goldings court this
week. The prosecutor was 81 Slivers,
the bIatherskite editor of the Weekly
Sandbur. The defendant was our pop
uIar townsman, Abe Akron, who is I'M
fortunate enough to live along side
OF Slivers, on Broadway.
All season Abe has been annoyed
by Sliver's chickens scratching his
flower beds and roofing up his vege-
tables. But like some others, Abe
hesitated TO do more than complain
for fear that the venomous and blath-
erskite editor of the Sandbur would
roast him In print.
Abe tolerated this nuisance as long
as he could. Finally he broke loose
and shot into Slivers scattered flock,
which was tearing up Mrs. Akron's
lilac bed. He killed a hen, throwing
the corpse on the blatherskite editors
back door steps.
Slivers had Abe arrested on the
double charge OF malicious mischief
and shooting within the city limits.
Abe knew he was in for it, but he de-
termined to make things uncomfort-
able for his adversary. So, he sent to
the county seat and got a coon law
yer. George Washington Andrew Jack
son Brown, called Erastus Brown for
short, less to defend him than to lam
haste the blatherskite editor of the
Weekly Sandbur.
Slivers is southerner. He was
born in Virginia and his father was a
slaveowner before the war. Knowing
that it would gall Slivers to be roasted
by a coon, Abe hired George Washing
ton Andrew Jackson Brown to do the
job.
Erastus did not attempt much of q
defense. That wasn't what he was
hired for. His mission was to bullrag
Slivers, and he did it to the delight OF
a crowded courtroom, and to the great
vexation and modification of the blath
erskite editor.
Erastus spoke contemporary of "dis
white pussen," meaning Slivers, enum-
Grating most of his mean and despis-
able acts since he came to Hopkins
which were so many that it took an
hour to relate them. If all had been
enumerated in detail several days
would have been consumed.
If there is anything a coon is quail
fed to speak on it's poultry. He GER
tainly is an authority on chickens, es-
pecially other peoples chickens, but
the poor hen killed by Abe was lost
in the shuttle while Erastus was raw
hiding the Sandburs blatherskite edi-
| tor.
Everybody enjoyed seeing Slivers
squirm and writhe under the black man:
flashing. Even the delinquent subscrib'
ers of the Sandbur, and the room wa:
| 1ull OIL Inemy were eulH6u.
AS for Abe Akron. he was radiant
with joy. OF course, he was fined, blu
he didn't mind 1t. He started out t.
humiliate Slivers in the most effective
way, which was by having a nigge
lawyer lambaste him, and he didn't be
grudge the expense.
WrangIe Over Health Drinking.
The health of President Roosevelt
was drunk at a banquet given by tn,
Hay Pressers' association, of which h
was lately voted an honorary member
Thursday night.
The beverage was beer, for Hopkins
people don't waste money on wine, be
sides beer is more to their taste. ]
was proposed to give impressiveness t.
the health drinking by standing, Blu
this part of the ceremony was los
through a wrangle which preceded it
by which time the foam had settled an
the beverage was fiat and tasteless
Jake Jester, who is a croaker an
finds fault with everything he him
self does not propose, objected to tn
whole proceeding. He remarked:
This thing is all buncombe. VIII,
drink to President Roosevelt's health
His health is already excellent. and W
can't hope to better it. He is the mos
aggressively healthy man in public If
today. It would be more sensible t
drink to the health of some local PEG
1ple whose health is poor, lack Zeiglel
for instance, who IS suffering fror
rheumatism, or Mrs. Hank Plummel
who is threatened with another attacl
Of lumbago, or Gabe Gorrell, who
recovering from pIeurisy, or Sid Slow
tracks children, who are down with tn
measles All this ceremonious non
sense is on a par with the members o
a certain sect who say ritualistic pray
ers every Sunday for the welfare Q
the president, when they would accom-
plish more by praying extemporane
ously for congressman, members 0
legislatures and common councils"
carl Kastoff, our popular hog buy
or resented Jake's slurs on ritualisti