Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1907-09-13
GANDERBONE'S SSEPTEMBERFOREcAST
A Brief Summary Of Possibly Coming Events

brief summary OF Possibly S0mine Events
copyrighted 1907 by c. IL. Rieth)
The old school bell has begun to ring,
the poets all arise and sing, the frost
will soon displace the dew. and the
wind jamb through the peek boo.
Untutored youth, with tears of brine.
returncth sadly to the mine, and the
new schOolma am prepares to whack
the bad boys where their pants are
slack.
The football player let's his hair
Fall into autumn unrepair,
And the more athletic college cops
The students with the largest mops. -.
The moon will be full on the 2lst,
and the password for the month will
be Soak Standard Oil. Every
body will run little harder for Pres
ident. Mr.. Bryan's smoke will con-
tinue an interesting spectacle. Mr..
Roosevelt will drop wasp into the
hip pocket of Mr.. Taft, and that lag
gard will move up a couple of places
in the race Mr.. Fairbanks will con-
tinue to pass the grand-stand every
seven seconds sucking buttermilk
with Il nipple, out of his pneumatic
shirt front. The war with Japan
will sleep fretfully, and Uncle Sam
will sit by the cradle grooming soft
lullabyes and giving paregoric with u
funnel.
The coming county fair is billed,
The big prize hog is corned and swilled
The pumpkin that will lift the prize
Is watched with proud and hopeful eyes,
And the family mare to win the pot
Is training for the county trot.
The autumnal equinox will come in
on time on the 24th, and Mr.. Harri-
man will absorb all water that falls
to use in floating stocks for develop
ment of our great natural resources.
The Standard Oil Company will place
a twenty-year 1 per cent. mortgage
upon the earth and will pay the S29,-
0O0. 900 fine imposed by Judge Lands.
Senator Beveridge will end his honey
moon abroad and return to the affairs
of the Republic, which will restore
that feeling of security.
The summer girl-romantic thing!
will homeward come upon the wing,
and show her neighbors for week
where some man bit her on the cheek
The freckles on her arms (and legs p
resemble those on turkey eggs, and
the neighborhood will bet ten per the
men were only joshing her.
The lucky wives of millionaires
Will put up jam and pickle pears,
But the most of us. denied these boons,
Will pass the winter full of prunes.
Some rcd-hot sealing wax, alack,
will fly down Nancy's tender back,
exploring where the flesh is bare.
and three shrill screams will pierce
the air. The men, a-washing at the
pump, will hasten thither on the
Jump, but Nancy. mid the fruit
o'erturned, will not divulge where
she is burned.
President Roosevelt. fresh from
Oyster Bay, will issue on the 10th a
proclamation officially opening the
oyster season. Turnips and football
players will run to tops. White duck
trousers will begin to migrate. A
comet will make one-night stands in
the northeast sky. The weather and
politicians will become very agree
able. Nature, which has been in the
nude for the outdoor summer paint
ing season, will put on thin gossa-
mer, and the Corn Huskers' Union
will promulgate Il new wage-Scale by
which they will get the corn and the
farmer the huskS.
Summer excursion tourists will
come home in q chair-car with their
skull grass full of carbon mites, the
aisle full of braided legs, and the
saw tooth chair back embossing the
name of the railroad on their spines.
The Big Dipper will appear in the
heavens upside town, which will en-
courage Prohibition to resume his
war paint and extend the booze
drouth. John Barleycorn will return
to his guns with a Booker Washing
ton tint under both eyes and his
pants torn, and the Kentucky Colonel
will toss in his mint bed while Carrie
Nation rides a nightmare through
the windows of his boudoir.
The cotton fields with boil and stem
Are beckoning to dusky men,
And soon from cotton seed we'll boil
The pure, imported olive oil.
The Greeks began their year in
September. Our Labor Day was
their New Years day. They did
this because their families spent the
summer at the seashore at consider
able expense, while the men played
poker at home ut even more expense
This left the Greeks badly in the
hole. and the only way they coulG
get out was to hayc the new year be
gin September lst and swear of
drinking and smoking at that time
This enabled them to save in Septem
,, bcr what we save in January, an(
was much better plan than ours.
Cheer up, cheer up, the summer.
DER. the piping quail is up at 4, Sep
tembcr sweet is on the job, and the
green corn ripens on the cob.
October crisp will soon be here
With soitly-falling leaf and sere,
With frosty morn and hunters moon
And pumpkin pie, not yet, but soon.