The Washington herald., 1907-10-13

What do 1 care who won the game.
You needn't tell me, Job, that you've
been down watching the bulletin in
front of The Washington Herald Office
the game was over long ago, leastways,
unless they've taken TO playing by lee
tTic light for here It is nearly Y
o'clock, and me not able to sleep be-
cause Of my carbuncle. You thought a
carbuncle was a musical instrument:
well. it isn't. and wish TO goodness
you had this one o. mine, maybe you'd
stay home nights. tell you, Job, you
just add to my troubles: here's Emily
been and put her foot through her best
petticoat. and little Haley got into a
fight with that Phillips boy next door,
and how he's going to Sunday school
with a scratch on his nose and a black
eyes more'n can see!
who was 1t won the gamer I don't
remember which is the Tigers and which
is the Cubs, do you? Oh, well, 1t doesn't
matter, suppose. jest SOS they keep
their eye on the ball. Ny, but I'm
getting efficient in that baseball slang!
Talking about Tigers, Job, I've been
reading all about that hunting trip OF
Mr.. Roosevelt's. Seems to be wher-
ever he goes that mans a hero read
as how just as everybody was ali out Of
meat down AT the camp they relied on
him, and he goes right out and shoots
a deer for the men. ! amt heard that
he's got any bear yet. but # amt be-
cause they are no bear cause they
said last week that the guides had
seven young ones all picked out and
penned up for him. I think the reason
he amt shot no bear Is because Of what
DR. Long said about nature-fsking; told
him he couldn't have his bear and eat
II, too. or something like that-pretty
cheeky, call #. But then the Presi-
dent hadn't oughter to have called him
a nature faker; you never can tell
what's true and what's not about ami
mails
Are you listening. Job? I was say
ing that truths stranger than fiction,
sometimes; now there's my uncle, Dab
ney Stoop; I remember onet he was
fishing out at Broad Ripple, near In
dianapOlis. and he caught a turtle, and
Just for fun he started 70 cut his name
on its shell. He cut the % all right,
and had Just finished the $ when the
turtle bit him and he threw IL over
board. Next Sunday-he only went fish
ing on Sundays, he was paperhanger
the rest OF the week-he went fishing
again. and he caught the same turtle,
and on its back was the name Dabney
Stoop, ell spelled out I suppose If
you'd put that in a book they'd say il
was nature taking, but know It was
true. cause Uncle Dabney brought the
turtle home.
Did you notice, Job, that the Lucy
Tanner has been making more time
acrost the ocean? She covered the
distance Of 3.765 miles. two -furlongs,
and seventeen feet In four days. six
teen hours, three minutes and a quar-
ter and the German steamers are just
wild about IT, Lucy Tanner beat the
Dauschund's time, but I don't see how
a boat named after one Of them
squashed-out dogs could run at ali
fast do you? But the best thing about
the Lucy Tanners feat-though 1 don't
think it's quite polite to talk about
her feet-was, that she made all this
time and only fourteen Of the stokers
went crazy with the heat this time,
''Say, Job. do you notice what's hap
pened to the Peace Conference? Since
them baseball games started we amt
heard anything about II. have we; and
as for the fighting in Morocco, why
there might just as well not be any.
Seems to me those European people
need some press agents like Mr.. Fair
banks has. Why, a mothers meeting
in this eountry'd get more space in the
papers than the Peace Conferences
getting
I see that a group O. sanitary
scientists is going 10 investigate Pitts
burg with a view OF getting the place
fumigated. l should think it needs il.
Why. I read as how a father out there
turned his thirty-fve-year-old daugh-
ter over his knee and gave her a spank
Ing. There's some of those million
aires oUt there'd be the better for
dose of the same kind, I'm thinking.
Isn't it wonderful how Mr.. Taft's
boom seems to be a-booming and he
so far away out of the country? Even
the Chinese out there are cheering him.
though it's pity they amt got no votes.
but I see that Penobscot, Ne, and
Terre Haute, both have declared for
him. What Is a straw vote. anyway.
Job? I never could understand ii,
unless it's like the game we used TO
play when We were kids. pulling straws.
II that were so I should think Mr..
Fairbanks d have the longest straw
ali the time
we got another bill from the oil
man this afternoon. Job. and I wish
you'd pay it, if not they'll soon be
charging interest. The Standard oil
Company's in bad fix to my way O.
thinking. All their money seems TO dis
appear so fast. There's that man S. P.
TrainOr. The books show that they
lent him twenty million dollars, and he
says he never got it. and as for that
fine Of Judge lands I haven't heard
that anybody's seen anything of that
yet. This business of lighting your
house IS getting to be terrible, and
now I see that the tax assessors are
going to sell the gas companys meters
for taxes I think that would be fool
ish. Who wants to buy gas meter?
I'm sure / don't. The one we've got
in the cellar don't belong TO us-if It
did, what with the way It registers up
on US, I'd throw it into the street. If
they are a-going to sell EN- 1 hope
rest These two or three master spirits
are frequently interested in other corpora