Los Angeles herald., 1907-12-26
GEORGE ADE NO BOOSTER
FOR THE PIE UPLIFT
AUTHOR is roo WISE TO BACK
BAKERY
Cake Should Be EatabIe--Side Plays
Bad, He says-Best Thing to
Stick to the Main
Squeeze

NEW YORK, Dec. 25-On what seemed
to be excellent authority, it was denied
that Columbia university had any inten-
ton at present of establishing a course
in scientific baking. 1t was not disputed,
however, that the university authorities
were much interested in the announce
ment from Lafayette, Ind, that Purdue
university would add such a course OF
instruction to its curriculum.
1t appears, according to the news from
Lafayette, that Winthrop e. Stone, the
president of Purdue, has called into con-
sultation a number of the most expert
professional dough architects with the
object of finding out if 1t is possible to
start school that shall produce an
alumni capable of turning out baked
food that the population of the middle
west can eat and get away with 1T.
While there is not sufficient ground for
positive statement to that effect, there
is some reason to believe that George
Ade is at the bottc.n of the new move
ment at Purdue to advance the cause of
scientific pie and hygienic tarts. Ade, as
is well known by everybody who can tell
the difference between slang and patois.
was turned out of Purdue in the year
1887, since which time he has retained
the lively interest which he came to feel
for his alma mater dolorosa during his
happy undergraduate years, when he was
becoming an authority on the drink evil.
AIDE Denies Giving Royalties
| Mr.. Ade was found in a certain place.
closely studying the methods of num-
ber of gentlemen who were manufacture
ing buns. The following conversation
ensued:
''Is is true, Mr.. Ade, that you are
booming the new baking school at Pur-
due and that you have even gone so far
as to endow it with one weeks royalties
produced by the New York run of Artie p
Mr.. Ade reached for the coffee bean
tray. made a gesture OF annoyance, and
replied in his we'll known capitalized
manner: 4
"Who Told You That?"
'I didn't say anybody told me-"
"Well," returned Mr.. Ade, somewhat
testify IA Part of it isn't True, at all
Events. I didn't give Purdue those Roy
alties. What might have done had Cir
cumstances been Different cannot Say.
But the Fact is it chanced that that
Week happened to stand in Need OF
New hat. So 1 endowed Myself with
lid. and that's what Became of those
Royalties"
Uses Romance to Explain
.eIIow about the other half of the in
quiry?"
Mr.. Ade replied to this question by re-
lating the following overcapitalized nar-
rative:
"Once upon a Time there was Pierc-
ing Scream, whose stage name was Mar
old. Six days Week he stirred Dough
at an east side Bakery, where the Mas
ter Baker had a Habit of Cursing Him
under the appellation of Bill But on
SUNDAYS Bill sailed forth to evaporate
the Thirteen Per which he made the other
six Days by studious Inattention TO
Work at such times when he became Har-
old.
Nov, Harold loved Flossie who type
wrote in a Downtown Bucket Shop,
whose name was Gladys. 1t really was
Gladys md the Main Squeeze in her
office Worshiped the Ground She walked
on. Thus she held down her Job.
For truth to tell. Gladys, as Type
writer. was a Canadian Frost. She prob
ably was the Simplest Speller in the
World and would often Pause in her
Work to ask the Main Squeeze If you
spelled Cat with X, and If you didn't
why, then, How Did You?
Harold Passes for Ready Money
"Now, Harold lived in an abandoned
Closet in East Houston street It had no
window, so Harold slept with the Door
open. He had no Razor, so he allowed a
plenteous crop of Alfalfa to obscure what
passed for his Features.
''But he had a pair of Glisteners for
his Feet, and Every Sunday he leased
the Undertaker's Coat and a Plug hat
from Costumer, and sailed Forth on
his Errand of Lo-,>, bearing always some
Gilt. usually Flowers that it took the
Mazoomah to acquire.
Now, Gladys thought Harold the |
White Haired Boy with his Wealthy Par |
ents He told her his Immediate Male |
Ancestor made so much Coin each Day |
he had to bI Excavated each Night, And |
he. Harold. had to do the Digging Sun
day was the only Day when the People
did not Shower Simoleons upon his Par
ent"
ITO be sure. it didn't take Gladys long
to Tumble to the Fact that her Son Heir
was SO much Gelt, for Harold was de-
Near In fact. it sometimes
seemed to Her that he didn't Love Dol
lar any more than he Loved His Life.
And she often wished, indeed that he
would Loosen.
YuIetide Spirit Fatal
"And now Came on the Merry Yule
Tide. with Peace on Earth Good Will
to-Men, and Harold Wished to do
Extra Special to Show His
Love. So He Built Wonderful Cake.
In Its Insides this Village Cut-Up
placed Nuts, Raisins. Plums. Fruits,
Preserves, Truffles, and many other
fully Held Out from Cakes that were
being Constructed in his Bakery for
Regular Customers who were Soft