The Montgomery advertiser., 1907-04-21

name in the paper. But it was long time before I thought of that. was an amateur giver in those days. l hadn't learned about the proper chan nel I had just graduated from the pirate business"
 The pirate business?' inquired the minister.
 Tt was a good business, too," said Eliph' Hewitt. Lots of money in it, and I run it on strictly moral lines, never thinking that folks would say 1t was a bad business, like being trust or a railroad king I had pray CTS regular every day, and gave re- ecipts in full for all the money took away from people, and allowed them two per cent off for cash. I hadn't no more Idea my money was tainted than a child has. It all come to me in the regular pirate way just as the best pirates had got theirs for centuries be- that was on record, and all done &C., cording to the best authorities, and yet when I got so much money I was bothered to take care of it and wanted to get rid of what was a nuisance and set up as philanthropist and get my name in the papers, and associate with professors and such, they turned on me and said the money was tainted"
 You might have founded a home for disabled pirates" said MT Parsley.
 'I done it." said Eliph' Hewitt. but the trouble is that each pirate thinks he is the only honest one and that all the others is thieves, and nobody would come to live in the pirates home that I started. I didn't have no trouble in starting things, but the trouble was to make them expensive after they was started. When a man has money. in heaps. like me and John D., it takes n lot of getting rid of it to just keep the surplus down, and it don't do no good to give 1t away in small lots. While a man is looking around far place to get rid of one hundred thous- and tainted dollars seven or eight hun dred thousand other tainted dollars are piling up on him. I seen that what I would have to do was to give away by the million. and I set out to do 1t. I set at my desk all day writing out million dollar checks and sending them out to college presidents, and the next day the mail man would come in and dump a bushel basket of letters on my desk. and every letter was from col lege president sending back my checks, with tainted wrote across the face. used to go to some college president that had met at a dinner. and l used to say; Please, please take forty eight millions and I'll be your Dutch uncle for life,' and he would sigh and sniff his nose at the money and say:
 No, Eliph Hewitt. need the money, but I cant take 1t. My college is wearing it's last years suit and its shoes are worn out, but my conscience won't let me take tainted money.
 Tt went on that way" continued Elph' Hewitt, till l got so that I was ashamed to look a college president In the face, and they got so that when ever they saw me coming they knew I had a check for thirty-two or one hundred millions in my hand ready to stick in their pockets when they were not looking, and they would dodge around the corner or up an alley. And I was only one of a hundred money tired millionalres that was carrying around tainted millions on a plate trying to get rid of them. My wife used to say to me;-'Eliph'. why don't you give away some millions to-day?