davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-20
GLOBE SIGHTS.

from the Atchison Globe.l
A prospective bride attracts great
attention, but the moment she is mar
ried she attracts no more attention
than a cold buekwh eat cake.
The great fear of every man is that
people will not find cut how smart he
is. And in trying to cause the people
to discover that he is a genius, he
usually makes an ass of himself.
"Since you work on newspaper
said a farmer to a reporter, you
ought to know 1T ALL" III that is ex-
pected of me-" replied the reporter
or half of it,
If you are a chump, conceal it; for
policy's sake, for society's sake, and
for your own sake, hide your weak
ness, and be a gentleman on the
street, no matter how worried you are,
no matter how hurried you are.
No man ever forgives a friend who
deserts him in trouble. When your
upon it that he is watching you close
ly. You may imagine he thinks you
are very busy, and that your neglect
is due to this circums lance. but he
sponsible.
AS a rule a bride returns to earth
in about three weeks. bride is paid
so much attention that she is badly
woman. But in about three weeks
after she is married she begins to
recognize her own mother. A few
days later, she begins to recognize
other former acquaintances. and re-
member what happened when she was
a Spin.
"I always imagined 1 was a moder-
ate drinker,' said an Atchison man tho
other day, but have discovered that
my neighbors regard me as a great
drunkard; therefore, 1 have called
halt. I also learned that my wife and
children cry when / go down town In
the evening. and beg the neighbors to
follow me, and see that 1 am not led
into temptation; therefore. It has oc-
Cured to me that the time has ar
ave a fanatic"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-20
ARE YOU THE MAN2

There's a scary sort of feelin' goin' round
the country through
A-talkin' of the future in a way to make
you blue;
A-predictin' woes and panics, and all
kinds Of dreadful shocks,
And a-blaming folks in Wall street and
condemnin deals in stocks;
Sayin our financial system is a structure
full of faults,
And a-callin' in his money and a-lockin'
it in vaults,
And with wish to bring him forward and
We are seekin' information
Say, are you the man?
Shucks. Don't let a little furry from the
clouds a-passin' by
Make you think the storm has covered all
the broad financial sky;
You would see the sun still shinin If
you just poke out your head;
stop a-countin' up your losses; count your
Dlessln'S up instead;
Trouble finds the man who faIters sooner
imam the man who fights;
quit your talk of coming panics; help at
settin things to rights
Let little cheerful confidence, not grumb-
lin, be your plan,
NOW to save the situation
Say, are you the man?
Springfield Union.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-20

difficult to guess that the Cortelyou
boom was started by those who had no
serious intentions of furthering the in
terests OF Mr.. Cortelyou but who. on
the contrary, merely used his name as
a cats paw to stir up strife between
Mr.. Roosevelt and his friends: and also
as means of withdrawing all possible
attention from Mr.. Taft.
Mr.. Cortelyou's firm and vigorous
reputation of the efforts OF this gang,
who will go to any ends to thwart the
purposes of the administrations and the
continuance of it's policies, has not lost
him any friends.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-20

Two lola men have been granted &
| patent on a new machine for manu-.
! featuring ice.
A Mankato butcher advertises in big
| black letters: "Our meat is not ex-
celled by none.'
| Mormon missionaries are at work
| in Delphos. Evidently Delphos needs
! a protective tariff.
Farmers in the neighborhood of
Gypsum are complaining of an cpl
demic OF hog cholera.
j. M. Collins, police judge of lola,
advocates the establishment of whip
ping posts for wife-beaters
An Ottawa barber shop was robbed
twice last week and the remarka BILE
part of it was that the burglars found
$2S on the last visit.
Someone has been i'll treating the
torial page was filled recently with
comment upon the practice of stealing
news.
A farmer 70 years old living in
Sumner county has purchased an
automobile The jack rabbits in that
county will now get a run for their
money.
According to the Lawrence World,
the Wichita man who boasts of having
an Iron Cross given him by EN-
peror some one, has none the bet
ter of the Lawrence man who was re-
Gently given double cross by his
girl.
Since the Independent oil operators
sent a delegation to Topeka to plead
for the Standard, it will not appear so
surprising to Kansas people that
Mort A1baugh has declared against
the beef trust says the Kansas City
Star.
Highwaymen are driving a success
full business among K. U. students at
Lawrence, Or else the financial furry
has necessitated the invention of this
fiction in order to explain matters
satisfactorily to the boarding house
keepers. &Ess rs
To his own satisfaction at least Sam
ford Sites of Hays has demonstrated
this year that there is more money in
raising corn than wheat. He had out
sfxty-five acres of wheat on shares
and received 5000 for It. He had out
f1fty-five acres of corn in the same
way, receiving s224 for his share.
A Salina bachelor made the mistake
of becoming a benedict without con-
sulting his married friends as to the
cost of feminine apparel. When his
wife suggested that it was the season
for new hat he tried to show a lib
eral spirit by giving her So bill.
Here he said, spend all this for
one. L want my wife to have the best
hat in town.
Salina has a sheriff who makes Old
Sleuth and Nick Carter look like
last years lemons says the Emporia
Gazette. TWO boys down there be-
came ambitious to follow in the foot |
steps of Deadwood Dick and Murmur- |
ing Ike, the Numbering Manslayer of
the Mandan; so they robbed a farm
house and then disappeared in the
darkness. The robbery threatened to
become one of those mysteries which
battle the police and make Vidocq
roll over in his grave. But the sheriff
got down on his marrow bones and
examined some footprints with a
glass, and announced that |
he had a clew. And he followed up |
his clew so ably and SO well that the |
youthful bandits were captured, and |
thrown into a dungeon, and the mills
Of the gods ground right blithely |
eftSoons.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-20
HUMOR OF THE Day

'T thought you said your son was
proficient in three languages?" He Is.
He can talk stage slang, baseball
slang and slang. Chicago Record
Herald.
Seven cities were claiming Homer
dead. That's nothing" asserted
John D.: look how many want me
living Sadly the poet smote his
Mrs. Jones-Do you feel that when
your husband is away from home he
is thinking Of you? Mrs. Smith-Yes.
He thinks of me. and that's why he
"Say, Weary, here's a doctor dat
says de best kind of exercise Is walk
in to your work" ''Is dat so. Limpy?
else by visitin' de cemetery on foot
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
1--WE live in exacting times" 'sSay
on" Zone must deliver the goods and
yet not be caught with them
Louisville Courier-Journal.
First Weary willie-what did you
Second Weary willie-The lady
First Weary wiilie-Hash?
Second Weary Willie-No; pocket
dictionary.-Brookly Eagle.
Reporter (whipping out notebook)
There's one or two things I'd like
to find out about the case now on
trial Do you-Dignified Party--1
don't know anything. sir. I'm one of
the experts.-Chicago Tribune.
Clerk-Td like to sell you a baby
grand-Smart Customer-Thank you.
T. 1,rr n
who makes all the music that we need
at preSent.-Roseleaf.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-20

of the select committee to investigate
the condition of the Potomac river
front at Washington. This commit
tee has never held meeting The
brand of senatorial courtesy ex-
tended to Mr.. La Toilette bespeaks OF
a smallness sufficient to make most
folks hide their heads in shame over
the personnel of the senate of the
United States
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-20

Highway robbery, that most per-
nieious type of crime, is alarmingly
prevalent in Kansas City, Mo. The
latest victim of this dastardly iniquity
10 a .sixteen-year-old girl who was
Knocked senseless by two men and
robbed Of paltry sum. Topeka may
not be as great in some things as is
the city at the mouth of the Kaw, but
IL Is not cursed with saloons and
thugs. The latter are ever an ad-
junct OF the former
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-20
JOURNAL ENTRIES

An itch for writing often results in
much useless scratching.
IN
Love may conquer all things but it
doesn't provide the wherewithal.
p
Poor relations are easily offended.
Il a. %
Few grafters care to shake down
furnaces.
Whenever some folks speak they
quarrel and then when they quarrel
they don't speak.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-20
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
rFrom the New York Press.J

IFTom the New York FFeSs-J
A. girl doesn't mind having red hair I'M
less you call 1t that.
When a man isn't ashamed to talk of
earning his bread and butter it amounts
TO lot more than that.
A man can endure most any disaster
better than having a. lot of boys laugh at
him when he falls down on an icy side
walk.
One of the most unreasonable traits of
a woman is the way she can think it isn't
her fault when her husband cuts himself
shaving.
other way that her husband loves her she
can do 1t by remembering he told her so
before they were married.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-20

a. glance at the reorganization Of the
wenate committees shows that tariff re-
vision has been postponed unquestion-
ably for at least another congress.
There has been no material change in
tine makeup Of the financial committee
and with Aldrich from Rhode Island at
1tS head it is controlled by stand pat
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-20

F'or just once in his life Lawson of
Boston has nothing to say. He declines
TO discuss what transpired during his
Interview with Mr.. Roosevelt the 9TH
or day. This leads one to think that
the chief executive merely shook hands
and said "Howdy' to the distinguished
gentleman from beantown.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-20

It's. mental impossibility to let the
chance go by to call attention to the
coincidence, which win be the prevail
ing and distressing chestnut Of the
winter, that unusually cold weather is
accompanied by shortage in the gas
Sflpp1y
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-20

Great excitement at Wichita. Two
letters have been received at the Rock
Island offices there for Stuyvesant
E7sh, Jr. This leads the Wichitans to
believe that the scion CT Harriman's
foe is firing on an engine. Blessed
with SO many bright folks the mystery
OF young Fish in and about Wichita
should be solved in short order.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-20

Senator Gore from Oklahoma jumps
into the nmelght with the introduce
ton OF a measure providing for the
election of United States senators by
popular vote. Such a bill has about as
much chance of receiving favorable
consideration In the senate as q snow
ball has ina frying pan.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-20

Singoes will be in anything but a
merry mood this Christmas season. A
treaty with Japan Is nearing compile
ton which will settle all the petty diff
ferences that have arise-1 between that
country and the United States.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-20

Decision on the part of the Union
Pacific and other railroads to quit the
coal business except as to the produc-
ticn and transportation OF such fuel
as they may need for their own use
means that coal consumers in 1ocali-
ties near the railroad coal fields will
have to pay more for their coal. The
railroads will also receive larger and
more profitable hauls on coal for this
class of consumers. This action on the
part of the railroads is made necessary
by the terms of the new rate law,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-20

Marconis star is about to be dim
med. A Danish inventor named Paul
sen declares that by next spring he
will be able to establish wireless tele-
I5honic communication between Dem
mark and America. That will be talk
ing to a. considerable extent
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-20

C1ncinnati's Humane society takes a
step forward. It has started an agita-
t4on for more stringent laws to deal
with truant husbands. The society has
reports Of $500 cases Of wife desertion
In Ohio during the past year.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-20
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

The State Journal is a member of the
Associated Press and receives the full day
telegraph report of that great news CT
ganfgatfon for the exclusive afternoon
publication in Topeka.
The news is received in The State Jour
mai building over wires for this sole pur-
pose,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-20

Pettiness seems to vie with dignity
among the United States senators.
they are about as spiteful in some
things as a lot of school girls. They
have left the brilliant La Toilette off
all the important committees because
ne told the bitter truth about them in
his chautauqua speeches. They have
ssh onoradss him with the Craftsmanship
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-20

Illinois has one record which other
states are not Jealous over. She leads
I'm the manufacture OF whisky and
0ther distilled spirits Even Ken
1MEky is a Door second.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-20

VIII the snowslide which broke the
transmission wires furnishing light and
power for Goldfeld. New, be accused
OF playing in cahoots with the striking
Nntners2 Probably.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-20

Word comes from Philadelphia that
The bankers like the revised twenty
dollar gold pieces. Did anyone ever
hear Of any kind Of money that bank
@rG did not like?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-20

Ben Tillman seems to be the cham
pion in the senate of the prohibition
cause. He has started a movement to
make liquor shipments amenable to
state laws --'
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-20
KANSAS CONMENT
LELAND,s CANDIDACY.

| LELAND's CANDIDACY.
70 the boys-Henry and Bill and Mort
and the fellows who have fused with
| Cy: Know all men by these presents:
| Inat Cy and Curtis are friends, that
| curtis and Long are friends, and
that Long owes Curtis and Cur
tbs owes Cy; all that is needed to iron
| out the matter is to get Cy to lay down
get Cy to quit lighting Long, Curtis can
get Long to support Cy; Cy doesn't hate
Long as badly as he used to hate Cur
us. with the Republican gubernatorial
nomination as an asset, Curtis can fix
up the quarrel between Long and Cy,
ana by so doing, Long will pay the debt
ne owes to Curtis by supporting Cy.
Ihen Curtis will pay the debt he owes
TO Cy by getting Cy the gubernatoriaI
nomination. So Henry and Bill and
Mort and the fellows who have been
nght1ng Cy might just as we'll take off
their blankets, come on the reservation,
bury the Ratchet and be good Indians.
It's settled, and it's all over but the
shouting-except the kicking and the
voting. which in politics doesn't count.
So the boys might as well smile and
look pleasant and take their medicine.
-Emporia Gazette.
ALONG OTHER BRANCHES TOO.
The papers along the Central
Branch, westward of Downs, are
roasting the road and it's parent, the
Missouri Pacific, in manner that
should cause the rails to curl up. All
the pass enger trains have been dis
continued on the north and south
branches, and the mixed trains which |
are supposed to make daily trips are |
as irregular as the weather, and don't |
pretend to run on Sundays. The bust |
ness men and citizens of the various |
towns are red hot, an dare holding |
mass meetings and passing ringing |
resolutions, and sending delegations to /
Topeka to jack up the railway COM |
1icci r1v, w.
to be abominable and the ex-
cuse of the railway people that bust
ness in that territory has fallen off So
much as to neces state their action, is
zette.
MURDOCK'S CHANCE.
If Congressman Murdoch wants to
make another hit in this session of con-
gress he can do it by prevailing upon
the national government to break off |
the partnership now existing between
the government and the jointkeepers in
prohibition states. Every prohibition
state has found it difficult to secure
obedience to the state law, because the
national government encourages dis
OBEDIENCE by issuing a federal license
booze" In Sedgwick county today
over two hundred men hold permits
rom the federal government to sell
liquor. If the national government :
would cease to issue its internal revenue |
liquor licenses in prohibition states to
LII whom the state law prohibits from
selling liquor, the jointist. and the boot
egger would have to quit.-Wichita ]
Beacon. s
% {
NO CAUSE FOR TEARS.
Quite a number of Kansas papers are
bedding tears because Kansas City I
allied to land the national Republican I
What, will somebody please |
Explain, has Kansas City ever done to /
such sympathy? OF course it I
upplies our druggists with wet goods, t
md shows US twelve electric lighted c
oats each fall, but is that enough to t
ause us to weep oyer4ler political mis- i
ortunes ?-Atchisoa Globe. Ii
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-20
NO CAUSE FOR TEARS.
FROM. OTHER PENS
IS GRIDIRoN CLUB FUNNY

IS GRIDIRON CLUB FUNN
1t is hard to be funny to order. It
funny to order. We feel that we are
coming to face the latter task every
| time the Gridiron club holds dinner.
The latest one began with an Ella
borate application of the cocktail joke
to the unfortunate Mr.. Fairbanks. We
can imagine the vice president un-
comfortably forcing dutiful smile as
a Iaborious song made delivery of this
jest, now drained so dry that it must
have lost even it's bitters. Then fol-
lowed an intricate series of jibes re-
garding the sailing of the Pacific fleet.
1t may have been extremely comic to
stand the secretary of the navy up and
shout at him that the purpose of the
cruise was to make him United States
senator but to our ear il sounds SIM
ply rude. We are willing to grant that
the appearance of clearing house GER
tif1cates for every course, instead of
menu, contains faint possibilities of
entertainment, but even this chef
to amuse. AS for the minstrel show
at the wind-up, advanced vaudeville
would hardly dare1to own it,
The Gridiron club humor is becom-
ing forced. It is consequently evapor-
ating, and wit seems to appear in too
small quantities to save the situation
We are afraid it would be relief for
all hands if the club made complete
the censorship that is supposed to veil
its gambols.-Chicago Post.
%
SOUND BANKING.
Recent money troubles may do
some good in teaching the public that
the unproductive boarding of money
is not good banking Many of the
newspapers are Justly holding up to
ridicule the boast sof certain western
banks and they have cash reserves of
40, so or so per cent. If bank has
60 per cent of reserves as anything
more than a days showing under the
comptro1ler's call for reports, it is not
much of a bank. - The useful bank is
that one which has in id1eness no
more than a safe cash reserve, and
has honestly and skillfuliy selected
the security on which it has loaned
the large part of its funds to produc-
tive business. That is good banking
for the bank and good banking
for the neutrality-suspicious.
Public Ledger.
IF.
Municipal ownership" remarks
the Winnipeg Free Press. should not
be discredited because of its tendency
to increase municipal debt. provided
the new enterprises are made to be
fully self-sustaining." Neither is
dynamite dangerous If carefully
handled. 1t is just about as safe to
entrust the management of munich
palized service to the average munich
pal council as it would be to engage
seven-year- boy to handle dyna-
mite.-Montreal Gazette.
A BUCKS SARCASTIC GRIN.
Howard Harris, of Waterviiie, is OF
the opinion that he is one OF the most
unlucky men in Lycoming county. Dur
ing the two weeks of the deer hunting
season he tramped the woods day after
day in search of game, but mary a deer
saw he." On Saturday last ne was en-
gagged cutting wood a snort usIance
from his home when masnincent
buck calmly strolled in that direction.
stopped within a few feet OF the wood
chopper, looked at him with wha si
ris claims was a sarcastic grin, and
then started back toward the noun
Record
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-12-20
Knocking the Dogfsh.

Who that has ever INDUCED in the
pastfme of sea fishing does not know
and hate with Carthaginian hate the
doghshg In comparison with this, the
sentiments the fisher entertains for
muckle-mouthed sculpin and spiny
skates are pure sweetness and light
The dogf1sh is not a fish at all. He is a
pseudo shark. He is brute of such
cerebral density that, after being club
bed on the head for half an hour by
Shrewsbury clock, he will begin to
thrash around afresf in such ferocity
of gyration as to send everybody
aboard scuttling up the rigging. No
faintest trace of finer piscine culture
is anywhere discoverable in him. He
will bodily swallow whole tin cans Of
spoiled meats, and then, with the vir
ulent intensity Of his gastric Juices.
dissolve the solder to get at the putrid
inside contents.-Boston Herald
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-05-19
THE CUMBERLAND PREsBYrERY.
Work of Anti-Saloon League Before
Dickson Meeting.

DICKSON. Tenn, May 1s.-At today's
session OF the general assembly of the
Cumberland Presbyterian Church, W.. r.
Hamilton of Knoxville superintendent OF
the Anti-Saloon League, made an address
In the interests of his work
On motion OF DIR. NJ. NJ. Smith, a COM
mittee composed Of Rev, NJ NJ. Smith. J.
B. Tolley, ]. II. RUSSELL, Rev. NJ c. MILL;
gan and N. F. Gill was appointed to pass
upon the eonstitutionaIity of organization.
The committee on appointment of trustees
of the Cumberland Presbyterian Church re-
ported that the charter gave ample power
to fill vacancies on the board of trustees,
and recommended that as the present trus-
tees had violated their trust by transferring
their allegiance to another church and
attempting to transfer the trust property
to that church be removed, and the fol-
lowing new trustees be elected: Drs.
T. w. Stone. J. F. Hendricks. w. ]. Dem
hardt, Judge Charles Drake. Joe d. Smith,
c. w, Stone, w. E. Lundy, E. w. Beck
M. R. Graham. L. ]. Miller and T. w. Lew
Is. all of Bowling Green.
The report was adopted and the new trus-
tees were elected.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-05-19
5000 PIGEONS LIBERATED.
Favorable Weather at Jamestown for
Homing Birds Flight.

NORFOLK, Va, May 1s.-Five thousand
homing pigeons from lofts In and about
New York and Philadelphia were liberated
from the jamestown exposition grounds at
1918 am. today, and in less than a minute
all but three of the birds had taken their
bearings and started on their nothward
flight. The weather was favorable and 1t
is expected that the New York birds will
reach their lofts by $50 pm. today, with
earlier arrivals by those from Philadelphia
lofts.
The air line from Norfolk to New York
is 1886 miles and to Philadelphia 225. Some
Of the same birds liberated from Orange.
Va, last Saturday made the flight to New
York at fifty miles an hour Next Saturday
they viii fly from Bedford City, Va, and
continue until 600-mile contests are COM
pleted The birds which left today are from
Manhattan, Williamsburg. Staten Island,
Hoboken, Newark, Plainfeld. Paterson and
Elizabeth, In charge of ]. F. Masterson> of
New oYrk. and from Camden, Roxborough,
Germantown. Lansdale and Haddington.
Pa, in charge of l.. H. Mathews Conroy of
Philadelphia. Prizes are offered on t2day's
contests.