Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-07-27
THOSE ROLLING CHAIRS

1t was pretty warm when the Jobsons
started out for turn on the boardwalk the
other afternoon. and after they had covered
| about a mile of the panks Mrs. Johson
began to eye the rolling chairs wistfully.
| Mr.. Jobson hadn't said rolling chair to
| her once since their arrival, and she was
| bit timd about suggesting the rolling chair
! thing to him. But being somewhat ia
| tigued on this particular afternoon. SIZE
| decided to take a chance
| They look rather nice, don't they" she
| said to Mr.. Jobson.
What looks rather nice?" he asked her
He knew very well what she meant. but he
| asked the question so to give himself
| time to frame up appropriate answer.
The rolling chairs" replied Mrs. Jobson
| They look so cozy and comfortable, and
| it's so warm, and
| "Un-huh." cut in Mr.. Jobson. They're
great. Grand. Immense. And all like
| that But you might just as we'll chop
! that hint stuff right where you left off. l
haven't got any money to roll away. You'd
| make a hit, wouldn't you, lolling back in
one of those things, with your 200 pounds
| of"
! Why. interrupted Mrs Jobson. instantly
aggrleved. you know very well that l
only weighed 17S when I got weighed in the
! scales of that man who guessed your
weight last night. and
"Uh-huh. l know all about that. but that
guesser's got two three more guesses
a-coming. that's ALL" said Mr.. Jobson. ITS
a wonder you couldn't see it. once in
while anyway when folks are coming you
like that nckel-a-throw weight guesser
conned you last night. You'd look mag
niiicent, L was going to say, fioundering
around. with your go pounds, in one of
those, fool rolling contraptions and I'd like
to have fifteen or twenty snapshots of you
trying to look easy and unconcerned in one
of en- l sure would. You'd"
But. said Mrs. Jobson. that is absurd
you know. because plenty of people. men
and women. a great deal stouter than
am. ride in the rolling chairs. and they
look lust as comfortable and easy as can
be. and they"
Il don't care a hang If they look like
pink-and-white cherubim a-riding around
on big hunks of cumulus golden clouds,
Mrs. Jobson." sternly rebuked Mr. Jobson.
you're not going to bamboozle me into
falling for such bone-headed hewgags as
those fool wheeled things. and you might
just as we'll expel that banker from your
system now as to wait while. 1 suppose
you don't get enough lolling around at
home in Washington. Ell? Don't have any
chance up there. hey. to flop around on
sofas and lounges and settees and things?
What did you come down here for?'
Oh said Mrs. Jobson, you're doing all
the talking about 1t. I'm sure. l only sug
gested that the rolling chairs looked
| Yes. madam, I'm thoroughly familiar
with that suggesting stuff of yours, and it's
all got that E-f1at sound to me by this
time. permit me to assure you" broke In
Mr.. Jobson. Your little suggestion meant
just this. that you wanted to shred me
for about just nine dollars worth of rolling
chair ride this afternoon. But l like to
copper these little suggest things of yours
nd ypyh m
| saying that I'm
''Oh, WELL" ventured Mrs. Jobson. whats
the use of talking about it any more If you
really don't care"
You'll be decent enough if you please.
not to attempt to shut me off like that
down here growled Mr. Jobson. Il get
enough of that for eleven months in the
year up in Washington and l don't fetch
you down here to have you spend all Of
your waking hours in bull doing me- I'M
derstand that. You started this rolling
chair debate and If l haven't got right to
express myself on that subject I'm going
to get out pencil and pad and try to fig
ure out why. Dye know who the great
majority Of these fat-heads that you see
clubbing around in these rolling chairs are?
If you don't, I'll tell you. They're mostly
yaps from Pittsburg with about ninety
eight per cent more money than brains.
| They all know each other. and they're en-
gagged In summer-long contest to see
which of 'em blow in the most coin rid
ing around In these imbeciie rolling wag
ons. They don't like 1t. but they just pre-
tend to like it. because being from Pitts
burg, they think It's the proper kink. and
| they never will know any better. They"
But, my dear" put in Mrs. Jobson. in
mild remonstrance. Il know lots and lots of
the incest Washington folks whom we've
Ing chairs and they all say that the chairs
are the finest things that ever
They say doesn't get me anything,
Mrs. Jobson. and never did," grunted Mr..
lie aHnp huS of ,,aY
resorts is what sends most folks home in a
worse state than they were before they
started on their vacations It's a wonder
their leg muscles don't become atrOphed.
They mooch around here on the hotel
porches half of the time eating about nine
| times more than is good for them. and
when they're not doing that they're plug
| ging around in these Internal rolling chairs
| that are always in the way of everybody
and that ought to be kept OFF Of the board
| walk altogether. They never take any more
exercise than some bum of a siamese heir
apparent that never saw the outside Of the
| harem walls, and then. when they begin to
feel like something stuffed by taxidermist
! that Isn't next to his job, they moon around
and wonder what's the matter with en-
Well" said Mrs. Jobson somewhat in
| appositely. 1.-The price is certainly reason
able enough-only a dollar an hour for the
| double chairs. and
who's said anything about the prce?'
| Mr. Jobson rounded upon her. when 1t
comes to that, it's just tossing money into
| the sea. but you haven't heard me open
my head about the price I'm talking about
! the general all-around imbecility of the
rolling chair business. Just take peek
around. if you've got the of your eyes,
| and notice how foolish and Silly and pin
lidded all of these yaps in the rolling
! chairs look. You see that they're just
/ putting on Jugs and that they were never
used to anything. The real. sure-enough
| right people down here never even dream
! of riding in the blamed things. They leave
! that to the tads from Altoona and Potts
| vile and Allegheny and such smoked-up
rummles of towns. and they never"
! "Why, hay-o there you Jobson folks!"
| said a rollicking basso voice just at that
stage of 1t. when Mr.. Jobson was obviously
wound up for a long speech. and the job
sons wheeled about to one Of their most
! approved Washington friends, big jovial
| Elk. who'd been attending the Philadelphia
| conclave of Elks, seated in an immense
| rolling chair built for three.
| Say, get in here. you two" said their
| Elk friend from Washington after the ex-
| change of greetings. Room in here to
| burn for three folks. 1 had to hire this
! big one because all of the single and double
machines We're engaged. but they've got
| a few of the kind built for three left. and
| I'm glad 1 nailed this whopper now. for
! you two can get in and We'll all have q
bully ride together. hey?"