The Birmingham age-herald., 1907-07-28

l cuss-allers wuz. I reclerlec one day when he warn't no highern CT bar'l ole man Bowers call him an he sez ter him, sez he Dave, yew jest got up ter tn ten-acre an bring in tn bull calf an don't yer be CT lettin' of him git erway frum ye an go CT tearin' all over crea- ton, neither So Dave tried tre lead him the calf suddenly concluded he wadn't no chariot ter be drug eroun': lowed ef he 1 wuz goin' ter be CT part CT that circus he d 1 ruther be one CT tn prancin' Steeds at tn head CT tn procession. In persoonce CT this idee he begun prancln' eroun' tn ten | acre an Dave bein' on tn tother end CT tn rope, naterly folered. Fer CT ways he managed ter keep CT footin of it, but 'twarnt long before he wuz slidln' erlong on his stummick, an bump'in erlong on his back. Now an then he ployed through CT bed CT nettles an moved down CT bunch CT thistle, but more pertic'ler an | frequent he runped over stumps an | stuns; tn ten-acre warnt no croquet | ground
 But Dave he hanged on ter tn rope | regardless.
 "Bimeby tn calf gifts sorter tired err tn ten-acre an tn bars bein' handy he pranced inter tn orchard an Dave sam pied tn bark that wuz onto most every tree thar He jolted tn Baldwins an jared tn king apples; he scraped er- l tn Sheep's noses. an he didn't no ways n'glect tn Golden Pippins-it wuz rough sleddin
 But he still kept erholt CT tn rope"
 When the calf got inter tn medder lot tn goin' wuz some easier, but I reckon l even that it come some short CT ther comfort an stiddiness of CT funeral per- ] cession. When they come ter tn med der brook tn calf jumped clean over 1t, | but Dave, follerin' quite immejilt, some | how went clean inter it. He didn't stay into 1t long but he warnt pert cler dusty | when he come out. Then tn calf reck- oned it wuz time fer ter go home, which he did most direct by way CT ther cab bage patch an ther onion bed
 An when they got that Dave still had erholt CT tn rope"
 Dave found Matilda on the front piazza and alone, and after the usual inquiry | concerning the health of Matilda and Matilda's folk and the passing the latest news concerning the new colt and the I sick calf he came diplomaticlly to the ! business in hand.
 "Tfllie," said he, I'm terrible worried 1 erbout that sick calf. l done all I know how, but sems like 1t don't git no bet | ter men folks aint no hand fer nussin'
 Tfllie allowed that it might be so.
 'I reckon, Tillie, eff that calf could have CT woman fussin' with 1t an nussin'
 
 Ma might go over an look at it," suggested Tillie She's CT master hand at nussin things"
 | q don't reckon your ma would do. Yer see, Tillie, that calf is CT terrible sick calf an it's goin' ter take CT heap CT time an nussin' afore 1t gifts well. Your ma is CT mighty busy woman an she aint got no time fer slch CT long job.
 "I wuz jest CT thinkin, Tillie" he con- tinuer "how awful nice it would be fer | that calf if you an me wuz ter git mar ried; you could jest be thar all tn time | an nuss 1t an"
 Dave Bowersr' exploded Matilda, you | kin jest take yer hat an go look fer CT calf nuss somewhar else. enny place out | side that gate I thought mebby you wus | CT man, but yer ain't an l jest hate vel" | And then tears.
 David was dumfounded; the sick calf had seemed to him 6 heaven-sent inspira- ton.
 "oh Lord!" he groaned 'I've gone an done 1t. Say, Tillie didn't mean nothin,' honest I didn't Please don't take on so. don't want calf nuss-it's me l wants CT nuss-I mean CT wife-I want you, Tillie Darn tn calf Tilliei You blame ole fool! Not you, Tillie-I mean I'm CT blame ole fool. On, Lord! Amt yer going ter stop cryin', never?'
 But Tillie cried all the harder As be- | tween slow poison and a weeping wo- | man any man you'd cheerfully choose l the former. and all the daughters of | Eve know 1t.
 David pleaded and raved he consigned the calf to a thousand deaths, all vio- | lent and no two alike; he avowed his love until his brain grew dizzy and his | tongue became almost paralyzed, and l after a while Matilda relented and closed l the tear ducts a trifle. 1 Yes" she finally admitted "I believe | what you say, Dave; I don't reckon you hev had much experience an mebbe it wuz the best you knew how" l An you will marry me, won't yer. | Tillie?"
 | "Dave, don't reckon it might be best" | she answered. You're so terrible thin that folks would make CT hep CT fun of | right to me that wife should be so much was Mlle d'Zelle, queen of the air who | "G" wan right in!' yelled the boy.
 Hundred an 'leven pound," he ans wered gloomily
 Mercy! An I weigh hundred an l thirty-five.
 T aint sayin I don't love yer Dave, an I ainit CT gon' ter say No ter yer l right out. I'll give yer CT year ter flesh up some an then if yer weigh ez much ez I do--mebbe I'll say yes" | And with this David had to be satis- | fled
 | The Tuesday following David took Ma l tilda to the circus. It was a pretty good | show and Matilda enjoyed everything but | upon David's more critical mind there | were but three features that made any 1 lasting impression. There was Taronlyah, | the Terrible Turkish Titan, who snap- | ped chains and bent bars of from there | was Mile. d'Zelle, queen of the air, who | upon the trapeze apparently defied the | law of gravitation, and thirdly and last l ly but mostly, there was the fat lady. To David. as he gazed upon her mag nificent ponderosity, the fat lady appeared as an angel of hope. What was twenty | four pounds as compared to this? Noth- ing! Absolutely nothing.
 | Furth ermore, he had an idea He | would seek an interview with the Fat Lady and learn from her the secret of her upbuilding.
 For" said he, when folks want ter l know erbout ther lungs and flyers. an | things they goes ter spech lists fer in formation an If ther Fat Lady aint CT | spech-list on fat, who is?" | A very direct line of reasoning. The performers were evidently rest | ing, for none of them was visible when he again reach ed the circus lot; 1t was just the time for a quiet consulta- | tion.
 | Hailfng A boy who was carving a