Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-06-30
ANSWERS TO
CORRESPONDENTS

lin this column win be answered all questions of
proper nature submitted to The Star. Inquirers
should write on side only and address their let
tiers Uncle Jasper" Star Office In case of difi.
cult conundrums answers may I've delayed for =
week or two Consequently II may be advisable
for all Questioners watch this column carefullyl
NJ. NJ O.-Uncle Jasper regrets that your
query cannot be answered this week. We
had intended to resume replies on atmos-
pheric conditions with this publication. but
yesterday set US back. Our personal
weather bureau has shut up shop fer an
other two weeks. Pessmism has its hands
la our hair again.
II never was cured" says Col Jack Chinn;
II never took pills to become fat or thin.
| never was rid OF wart on my nose:
What we take in Neutrality-suspicious.! Every
one knows"
B. X. LIS It true that Senator Foraker
has sweet tooth? A.-oh. yes: He likes
everything saccharine except Taffy.
GERALD1NE-Uncle Jasper. have q
riddle for you. I wrote 1t all by myself
and want you to guess it.
AS rapid as lightning
AS wicked sin;
With eyes that. glare brightly
From between lids of tin.
With a voice that whispers,
And rumbles and roars:
While leaping down hillsides,
And coursing Ger moors.
Graceful and gentle.
But Uncouth and wild:
Controlled by giant,
Or the will of q child.
II you can guess what this happens to be.
Then, please. Uncle Jasper, won't you tell
A.-Tush fish, Geraldine! You must have q
new gasoline buggy. Don't poster US with
these elemental jngles.
POLITICAL-Uncle Jasper please tell me
what you consider are Philander c. Knox's
chief qualifications for the presidency. A
He has no hair on his head, and no illu-
sions In 1t.
ETHELBERT-Uncle Jasper. what is the
difference between pile driver and
winning base ball team? A.-Such a SIM
plicityi One drives the piles and the other
piles the drives. Young person, the first
part of your name indicates you are a lady.
and the rest leads us to believe you may be
a man. But whoever you are don't do il
again. We are but human.
ANXIOUS MOTHER-How is it. Uncle Jas
per. that there doesn't seem to be much
worrying just now is usual SO near the
Fourth Of July. Ave never gave the
subject consideration until now, but 1t is
probably due to the fact that after the tes-
timony at the Haywood trial the ordinary
9TH of July casualty list among the small
boy population will seem rather tame.
PUZZLED-Why was Marshal Collins OF
Glen Echo arrested the other day for carry
ing a revolver? Were the local police
afraid he would shoot somebody? A.-No.
They were afraid he'd shoot himself Col
Inns is so young.
JONES-Is 1t true. Uncle Jasper. that bees
will not sting idiots? Ave used to think
SO, but our faith is some shaken. The
President stood for the statement that a
wolf would not bite a human being. and
the Ohio man who tried to prove II was
chewed until he looked like a waffle iron.
We amt experimenting these days
DIR. Wiley bolts his food:
He thinks it's wrong to chew.
And II you ask him how 1t works,
He'll make bolt for you.
LILLIAN-What Is the difference between
pound cake and this famous Lady Balt-
more cake I've heard much about since
Owen Wister wrote his latest book? A
Twenty cents a slice.
The best Of all the catchy ads. that you can
name u.s. .. -r o. -l-f.r
Is "Schmitz the smear that made ole
Frisco famous
B. T. Y-What has become of Uncle joe
Cannon? A.-Cnce Joe has become
nature lover. He IS now in retirement on
his farm writing a book on wild Booms
Have Known" UNCLE JASPER.