The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-04-28
LAUGH RAISING STORIES
OF THE NOTABLES

asked suddenly. The young man
flushed, stammered and hesitated.
WELL said the general. do not de-
spair. There is a chance. even for New
York reporters"
Then. discus sing prayer, General
Booth told story, story with NOR
al There was q young clergyman ap-
pointed to small country town. he
began, land a short time after his ar
rival a horsy-looking man in ieggings
stopped him on the street one day,
bowed respectfully and said in a trem-
ulous voice: II you please, sir. would
you mind, next Sabbath, offering up
bit of prayer for Milly Dean?' The
minister, of course, assented. The man,
whose look was worried and haggard,
took leave gratefully. And on the next
and two following Sundays Milly Dean
was prayed for from the pulpit. Then
one afternoon the man in leggings met
the minister again.
Thank you for them prayers, SIR
he said, but you needn't pray no more
for Milly Dean
why said the other, shocked, IS
she dead?'
"'DeadT said the man In leggings.
No; she's just won the Blue Ribbon
handicap by a length and a half"
x *
Alfred G. Vanderbilt was talking
about the train wreck In which he was
last month involved at Mount Murray.
However," said Mr. Vanderbilt, at
have no fault to find with our rail-
roads In most respects they are the
best in the world"
He smiled. "Some people like to at
tack the railroads. They like TO gather
statistics to prove that the railroads
are extortionate, reckless of life and
so on. In these attacks there is usu-
ally about as much truth as there is in
that story about the railroad in the
west. A man from the east said that
on western trip he rode across the
prairies in a train that hardly went
tramps passed him. Finally in a DESC
late place the train stopped. The pas
sengers began to fume and fuss. Why
this stoppage? What could be the mat
ter? In the midst of the angry turmoil
the conductor came sinking through
the car. He bent over the easterner
and with shame-faced air whispered:
Say. have You got a piece of string
about you? We want to fix the en-
gine.'''
Lady Cook, who was Miss Tennessee
Ciaflin before her marriage, at a din
ton argued the question of woman suf-
frage with a senator.
"Ah, senator" said Lady Cook at the
arguments end, you don't consider
this question as a whole. You only
consider part of it You are like the
man who weighed the dog. A lady
owned huge ST. Bernard dog that she
was very proud of. She told her gar
dener one day to take the dog and
weigh him. The man departed with
the animal and half an hour later he
returned.
Towser ms'an,' he said, weighs
just 100 pounds.
A hundred pounds exclaimed the
lady. He must weigh more than that.
Are you sure you weighed him right p
oh, yes. ma'am, said the gardener.
Tn sure I weighed him right, only I
couldn't get him all on the scales"
X x x
]. G. Phelps Stokes spoke with good
hundred regret at a dinner in New
York of a charity that had failed. but
it failed through its own fault" said
Mr.. Stokes. 'It failed because it was
mistaken. 1t suggests to me an exper-
fence of a friend of mine in Ireland
My friend, at about this season last
year, was motoring through a remote
region of Ireland and one day he came
upon poor old woman seated with al
her humble furniture about her in the
middle of the road before her little
cabin. My friend was profoundly
moved. Here before his very eyes ar
eviction, a real Irish eviction. was TAX
ing place. He got out of his car and
gave the old woman a 95 note. Tel
me- he said, what is the trouble, my
poor friend?'
oVH her
tude the old woman replied: 'Shure
sir, me ould mans whiteWashin'.' 3"
X X X
Thomas A. Edison criticised at At.
iantic City scientific writer. He is &
| fine chap" said the inventor, "but ht
knows nothing about machinery. His
knowledge of machinery is like that Of
business man to whom 1 talked one
day. 1t was at the time when type.
writer's had first come out and the mar
| had taken several or trial and was
testing them to see which, If any, ht
would buy.
WELL I said, how do you like
| those typewriters you are trying
He shrugged impatiently. Oh h,
said, they're all about alike. They
print well enough, but they don't spell
one word in three correctly"
X X X
| Pouttney BigeloW was giving som,
advice to young man who was abou
| to join for the first time the great arm.
of tourists that has already started OF
| its annual trip across the Atlantic. Mr.
Bigelow adverted to the extraordinar,
amount of painting that goes on aboard
an ocean liner.
ION a certain ship one day." he said
IT put my hand on q freshly painted
ventilator and while removing thu
white smear I fell into conversation
with the seaman who was responsible
| for the trouble. He was an elderl.
chap and he had visited many outland
ish places. AS he piled the brush We
had an interesting chat. How Ions
have you been a sailor?' said 1 finally
"'Sailor?' the old man grumbled, dip.
ping his brush into the can. Bless yel
heart, sir. I'm no sailor nowadays. I'm
a bloonin' artist, thot's wot I am"
X X x
"Some women" said John w. Gates
mot all women, but some Of them. are
! very poor SPECTATORS. very poor gam
blers. A young friend of mine has 8