davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-04-01
A LawIike Account.

New York editor was praising Post
Wheeler. the wit and poet who mas mar
ried Halle ETminie Rives in Japan.
one night At the Princeton club said
the editor, wheeler was very indignant
over a long and extortionate bill that a
lawyer had sent him Cor some trifling
service He said he could heartily SYM
pathize now VIZ. the tailor who, having
been legally done in similar fashion, af-
terward persuaded his lawyer to have
suit Of clothes made, and sent IN the
following account for the garments:
To measuring and taking order for suit.
$3.50; warrant and instructions TO my
foreman for executing the same. SS-29:
going twice to the cloth merchant 5, S2.29;
fees to the cloth merchant. So: cutting
the cloth. $50; materials for working.
500. sundries for working, 81; trying on
the suit. $40; alterations and amend
ments. $4.50: entering transactions in day
book, So; posting same in my ledger: 81;
engFossing same, $50. writing to the but
ton dealer. S1.25. filing his declaration
eight sheets. s.; fees to button merchant,
Ss..5; removing the suit by certiorari to
your residence. 81 Is; writing receipt. 81 "a.
filing same. LA service of same, $1-50;
ditto, $50; total. 500 ..
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-04-01
Crushed Hopes.
Washington Starr


Times are changed said Mark Twain,
speaking of Washington. I doubt if now
adays a man of WashingtOn's answering
integrity would be able to get on
"A rich lawyer after dinner the other
night went into his den for a smoke He
took down from his pipe-Tack a superb
meerschaUm. d Christmas present from
his wife; but, alas, as he started to fla
the pipe, it came apart in his hands. The
bowl had been broken in two, and then
carelessly stuck together.
with loud growls of rage the lawyer
rushed from mis- den and demanded to
know who had broken his new meer-
schaum. His only son. boy of II, spoke
up bravely.
:" Father, he said I cannot tell a lie.
I did it
THE lawyer praised the lads Wash
ingtOnian yeracity, but that night on his
pillow he groaned and went on terribly
about the incident
Heaven help me- he said, 1T had
been my life's dearest wish to rear up
my son to my own profession, but now
alas-alas-'"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-04-01
BRDsALL's WHIRLED EGGS AND WHAT HAPPENED.

nounced with decision. I've eaten eggs
cooked in every imaginable style tiii l
can taste eggs in my sleep. Nhlrleu
eggs sound pretty good 10 me, ana M
going to see if [ can't have 'em. say
ing which, he snorted again, and re
sumed his paper.
The next night Mr.. Birdsail appeared
at his home with bundle under his
arm.
rive been down to this affair they
call The Unusual Store where they
keep East Indian rick-rack and all that
sort Of truck" he vOuchsafed, and the
clerk said this was the Identical KIND
of rot that the Turks whirl eggs in.
Henry, what are YOU fixing TO do?"
exclaimed Mrs. Birdsall.
"Do?' repeated Mr.. Birdsall. II m
going to whirl some eggs, that's what
I'm going TO do"
In few minutes he entered the din
ing room. swinging in his hand pair
of thongs. from which was suspended
small closed pot which bore some re-
semi lance both to a censor and
sling.
Gimme some eggs now he ordered,
and he broke into a cheerful whistle.
Mrs Rrdsall brought three eggs ana
Mr.. BirdsaH looked almost gay as he
broke them into the small pot.
Il wasn't any SLOUGH with a sing IL
NV bovhood days" he observed cheer
fully. as he gathered up the thongs in
/ his hand. "and l have an idea that !
| can show a thing o. two about whirl-
/ ing to Turks or any other dagoes. Here
move this table out of my way and
gimme plenty of room. Keep the chill
/ dren back there. and don't come inside
/ the door yourself while l am whirlins.
[ It may take me a moment or two 10
get the right swing again
/ Mr.. BiTdsall fitted the cover on the
! top of the pot, grasped the thongs, and
/ slowly began to whirl the apparatus
more power into his wrist till he had
/ attained considerable speed. Round
and round sped the pot. the thongs Civ
| ing in a low, humming sound, which
gradually became higher and higher as
| the speed increased. Mr.. Birdsan
stuck manfully At his task till the re-
voIving pot became n circular blur
! above his head and the drops of per
spiratiOn trickIed down his forehead.
/ Suddenly there was a loud pop. Mrs.
! BiTdsaH entered the room shrieking
4 The top of the pot crashed through the
dining room window. The body of the
pot veered around and landed, with q
! resounding whack, Oh the back of Mr.
/ RirdsaIl's neck One of the thongs had
evidently broken.
! Mr.. BirdsaIl dropped his apparatus
and stared in daZed fashion At his wife
/ who was removing a sticky yellow
mass from her face with her apron. on
/ a level with his head, the four walls Of
| the room were decorated with a broad
| spattered yellow band, from which lit
tie yellow drops were slowly tricklins
down the lowered wall paper. The
| back Of Mr.. Birdsall's neck was
streaming raw yellow egg, and raw egg
was spattercd freely over the carpeted
ftOO-.
Mr. Birdsall stood speeches. and
aghast for a moment, and seemed I'M
able TO find words. His wife gazed al
him with frightened eyes. Then NJ
BirdsalPs countenance become suffusei
with rage.
Ann" he hOwled the fellow who
wrote that yarn was an Internal liar,'
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-04-01
AN UNMERITED RERUKE.

IN the little town of OwensboTo, Kyr
q man died the ether day as a result
of an attack of delirium tremens. Be
cause the man had a family, and be-
cause the feelings of the family would
have been hurt if the real cause of
death had been published to the world,
the newspapers announced that the
man died Of heart failure. This didn't
suit the congregation of one of the
biggest churches in Owensboro. Its
members promptly met and passed
resolution denouncing the newspapers
for not telling the truth in this particu-
lar instance.
Probably the theory of these sup
posedly Christian men and women was
that the death of the man should have
been held out as a horrible example
of the results of overindulgence in
alcoholic beverages. And it is not I'M
reasonable TO suppose that some of the
men who voted for the resolution are
ia the habit of indulging in alcoholic
beverages themselves, either quietly OF
in the open. That, however, is beside
the question.
We fail to see that any good could
possibly have been accomplished by a
publication of the facts. There is an
old, and, we confess, an often abused
maxim 10 the effect that nothing but
good should be said of the dead. But
was it necessary to wound an innocent
II
made better by the spectacle of a
Christian church holding up these
guiltless ones to the scorn of their as
sociates? We have abundant Christian
authority for the statement that the
greatest of virtues is charity.
And above all things have fervent
charity among yourselves" wrote Pet
er, for charity shall cover a multitude
of sins There is mighty little charity
IN a denunciation of newspapers by a
church congregation for covering up
the fact that a man has died of de-
lirium tremens. Why, if the newspap-
ers of greensboro printed the truth, the
whole truth and nothing but the truth
dDOGt very intlitDEl VI llAttt
ton, a large percentage of il would have
to leave town before the newspapers
had been AT work a week,
1t is quite possible thateven the pas
tor might be made uncomfortable. For
instance, If he is human, he breaches
a dull. prosy, ineonsequential sermon at
least occasionally. Suppose the news
papers, on the days following such ser
mons. should frankly call attention to
their dreariness, their lack of interest,
their failure to effect any good results.
Would not the preacher soon come 10
feel that the newspapers were unnec-
essarily truthful? Would he not be as
indignant at them because of the truths
driven home to him, or in him. as he
was over the failure to report the de-
lirium tremens case-from his stand
point-properly?
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-04-01
New York Press.)


All was peace in the BiTdsall fiat The
last of the five children had been put
to bed, the last request for drink OF
water had been silenced, and Mrs.
BirdsaI had come into the sitting room
TO sink down into chair with little
tired sigh to take up the darping Of
the children's stockings And now
naught was heard save the crackIe or
Mr.. Birdsalls paper as he adjusted ms
feet into a more comfortable posltlon
on the seat of another chair SUDDEN
ly he took his feet down, showed his
spectacles up further on his nose and
cleared his throat.
Mrs. BirdsaI knew what was COM
ing. When her husband took his feet
down. adjusted his spectacles and
cleared his throat it always meant that
he was about to speak.
Ann, did you ever eat any whirled
eggs?' he queried.
"Whirled eggs?" repeated Mrs Bird
sail. No, / never did"
Listen here, then" said Mr.. Birdsall.
He cleared his throat again and began
to read:
There is a Turkish restaurant in
New York where one may eat pilaffs,
sherbets and saffron-colored goat stew,
but the addest dish the menu boasts is
'Whirled eggs The impressive dish is
ASpaL%u DtLDlG the StAtSt- " ASAA II 10
ordered, Il cook enters the dining room
with a kind of sling in his hand-a lit
tie pot attached to the end of leather
cord. The man opens the eggs, seasons
them, and shuts them up in the little
pot. Then he WhiTls the pot at the end
of its cord around his head at incon-
ceivable speed. Round and round 1t
spins. Its outlines become vague. 1t
seems TO smoke little.
IA.
the eggs before the guest. They are
beautifully scrambled and quite hot
I The heat of their motion through the
air is what has cooked them
Thus" explains the Turkish host,
the eastern shepherds cook their eggs,
whirling them in a sling like that
wherewith David overcame the giant
of Gath
by George" calculated Mr.. .Birdsall.
That sounds good, doesn't it?"
HIN, 1t sounds good, but it's hard
to believe that a man can whirl eggs
round his head fast enough to cook
them" said Mrs. Birdsall, mildly.
4 don't see why" said Mr.. Birdsall,
sitting up and assuming a belligerent
tone. It's in the paper here, and the
man who wrote it must have seen it
done. Besides, didn't the Indians make
fire simply by rubbing two sticks to-
kttlitI. lou SEE II = IiCNiOll liidl
causes heat, and, therefore, the more
friction the more heat, and so up to
the burning or cooking point
HIM said Mrs. Birdsau, skeptical-
ly.
This skeptical attitude of his wife ir-
ritated Mr.. Birdsall. There was moth
/ ing that made him angrier than for his
wife not TO take his opinion on any
matter as final Any attitude on heI
part that did not accord perfectly with
his views he regarded as a personal in
/ suit TO him and his superior masculine
/ knowledge. He had had no more thar
/ a passing interest in whirled eggs, but
I he now snGrted with violence thai
showed Mrs. Birdsall he had made VI
/ his mind to stick by whirled eggs
/ through thick and thin.
We'll. if the Turks can cook eggs b!
whirling them in a pot, I don't see why
plain. ordinary folks can't" he an
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-04-01
Not Fit to Live In.

Philadelphia said of the late Bar
oness Burdett- COutts, whose husband
Ashmead Bartlett, was n native of the
Quaker City:
Il once dined with the aged peeress at
her house in Picadilly- She talked about
the poor and their suffeTings-she seldom
talked of anything else-and she narrated
an incident that had once befallen her
Charles Dickens.
Dickens. looking for local color for his
novel of Hard Times visited Manchester.
He went through the novels of certain
Manchester cotton spinners, and these
foul houses filled him with pity and hOr-
ror.
Meeting the Manchester manufacturer
who owned them, he said:
And do your employees really live IN
such houses as these
- Certainly not the manufacturer re-
piled. They only sleep in them. They
live in my mill "
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-04-01
NEW CURE FOR CANCER.
An Herb Used by Ship Carpenters
Has Worked Wonders
Uondon Cor. New York HeIdIu'J

Goudon Cor. New \ ORR 1Si
ualsh Dapers have been telling Oh
late tales of wonderful cures oI -
Ger effected by two brotheIS, I,a..,1i
Evans. BY means of herDs, at ttose
90 Occa sionaIly one or two OF lhese
9tI-;a,- trers ouoted in The LONDON pa
Tere hut nobody paid much heed con con
F;Iarinr them mere tales or country
H' P,,+ there may be some truth IN theIl
60 oil DIR. Hugh Riddle was coih-
n1issioned by the Daily Mail 10 NV
tigate. and this is what ne reports 49,
Fer more than twenty years -
humble practitioners nave peSi ter
Ing ali kinds of external diseases WIZ
oi1tments and salves made eiltiie i .,
from herbs. but Only lately mas lheIi
fame spread abroad ,,.;.,-
..Sbin carDenters by trade, they OTIS
inallv used their simple remedltS a. .
go issue only. But for some years
now they have been kept busy Nlsllli5
their patients. .,,+.-oets
.FTbe pathology of cancer interests
tbenl hut little. Their method is TO ap-
YI,, an herbal ointment or decoctloh 10
The cancer. which, according TO thenl'
causes the roots on all sides 10 Wltn-
dr,vr into the original growth, when
tben falls off. After this the skin heais
over the wound. z
"They assert that lhey hSNSi -
cases away, and have had only Que VI
two failures in many years
..Patients have come to them from an
o,-er wales and Scotland, and even
few from London t-- -,
..The brothers live unpretentiousiy on
their farm. about two miles from CsiI-
digan. Every morning they walk mo mo
toT-D with their pockets filed WIN
leaves and preparations of their secret .
remedy. They have small suIsety
where there are a few beds LOT tils
worst cases. Here are stores OF uli NJ.
~ Ieax,es and herbs; also. their coilec-
tion Of specimens in alcohol,
Everywhere there seems to De Il ie
sanoe utmost confidence in these simple
musicians. Far from being adNef Us
| ing ouacks. with a desire for notorieIy,
they are deeply religious mem anu I'.l-.I
y-ary- difficuIt TO get first-hand knoWi-
| edge of their methods. They speak very
/ Httle English and understand less
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-04-01
ANECDOTES CONCERNING WELL KNOWN PEOPLE
The Mean Thing.

a manager was praising Henry Z. Dix
ey's talent as mimic.
'One summer day" he said, "Dixey
and ! were stTolling down the main street
Of a New England village, when a pretty
girl Of is or so passed US with a baby
coach.
''Dixey, putting his hand to his ear
and adopting the dull, Hfe1ess tone of
deaf man. said to the girl:
Can you tell me where Mr. Peles
:. No sir she answered. I don't know
any such person
I say 1 don't know any such person
Thank you, said Dixey. That will do
just as Well And he turned away, when
the baby caught his eye. He patted its
head and saiu;
I gu,ss you feel mighty proud of
this little man, don't you?
The girl flushed and bit her lip.
1t isn't mine, she said shortly.
8 Twins, Ell? said Dixey. Where's the
other one2
1t isn't miner shouted the girl.
''Dixey walked on beside her. sup
pose their fathers very fond OF them,
isn't hep
1t isn't my child. tell you she
cried. bushing and frowning.
" think that is d mistake said Dixey
Cow milk, in these days of adulteration
is a dangerous thing
The girl shook her head, opened her
mouth, and then, in despair, set off on a
run, pushing the coach before her.
'OuI children were all twins Dixey
called after her, and if you want any adj
vice about bringing up
But she had already entered the gate
of her garden. Turning there she made
a face at him.
"Dixey shook his head L hope in
sanity won't break out among the twins
he shouted as he walked away"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-04-01
Washinqton's Ghost,

Discussing Washington and his birth
day. John Kendrick Bangs said recently:
I have made a study of ghosts, as my
Styx stories show. And I once dreamed,
or saw in a vision. the ghost of Washing
ton and the ghost of General Howe con-
Versing.
The two ghosts seemed on excellent
terms Howe insisted that Washington
was taking on weight-joked him about
it-finaily said:
George, Ill run you mile for shli-
ling
Washington gave Howe moeking
smile
mo, thank you he said was al
ways behind you when it came TO run
ming
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-04-01
An Essential Article,

Al artlst was talking about the late
Walter Appleton Clark who died at rho
beginning of his artistic career.
And Clark" he said had a stronS
sense OF humor. l remember going
one day. ~ MN
You know what millionaire's stables
nowadays are hke-fIoors and walls of
translucent white tiles, drinking foun-
'alns OF marble, mahogany hangers sill
yer trimmings and so forth and so on.
Wen, gentlemen said the mflJion.
are. proudly. is anything lacking?
can think of nothing. said CIar.
except sofa for each horse ~
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-04-01
A Persistent Student.

Niscount Turnouf the Earl of Winter
tons son, was being interviewed in New
York about clothes. On this subject. how
ever, the young man refused to talk.
YOU he said. ARE the sixth reporter
to talk clothes to me today. / think YOU
reporters are too persistent You give me
no rest. You remind me of a friend of
mine at Oxford who used to like to drink
a mug of ale at the AIitre He was al
ways very particular about having his
own mug
AT the Mitre, one evening, he said to
the barmaid: -
A mug of Bass. Nellie: and be care
ful 10 draw It in nay own pewter Make
No fear of making a mistake about
YOUR pewter, sir the barmaid answered.
I can tell it with ease -
How so?" my friend asked
by the handle. said the barmaid.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-04-01
HIS BRILLIANT IDEA.
Chicago Record-HeTaIdJ

..Nhv IS it." she asked shortly after
the wedding. that you don't care TO
skate any more? You were so fond or
it before we were married.
Il wasn't fond of it, my deaf To tell
Won the truth / made a martyr or my
self fer your sake. 1 knew you enjoyed
il so that ! felt as If | had to
Thought enjoyed it2 Heavens, was
a uoartvr. too I thought If I didn't go
and be tortured you'd take some other
girl and
'Sav. Fanny. ] believe it would be q
fine thing if every girl and boy could
he locked I'D the minute they became on
gagged and kept behind the bars till the
day of their marriage"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-04-01
HOW HE WON HER.

Chicago News)
He had Just propounded a fatal ques-
ton.
George" she aid Il hardly know
what to say. If 1 should refuse to marry
YOU would you pine away and die?'
Not so you could notice il" answered
George. I'D probably marry that pretty
Smythe girl within a month. You know
She
Say no more George dear" interrupt
ed the fair maid. I'm YOURS
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-04-01
A ProVerb Explained.

A Methodist of New York was praising
the late Bishop c. c. McCabe.
when Bishop McCabe was secretary
of our missionary society," he said he
added $500. 600 TO its annual income
I once heard the bishop ask a million
aire for a missionary contribution
Who was it.? said the millionaire
smiling, that said that charity begins al
homer
Bishop McCabe fTOwned
1t was some one, I'll be bound he
answered, who was looking for an ex-
cuse not TO contribute
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-04-01
PINS AN PINS.
fChicago News.l

John, dear" said the wife of his hos-
ON, as she was about TO start down.
town, "can you let me have a little pin
money this week."
About how mueh?@ queried her hubby
'-Oh. l guess $500 will do" she replied
Great Guns,' ne exclaimed Five
hundred dollars for pin money? Why,
can buy CARLOAD of pins for s."
But not diamond pins. dear" calmly
Iejeined the alleged better half of the
matrimonial combine.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-04-01
DECLARATION AS AMENDED,
Chicago Tribune.)

Il believe" said the hostess you are
a distant relative of the great List Are
you not?''
The leader of the hired orchestra bowed
stiffly.
Madam" he said, List was a dis
taut relative Of mine
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-04-01
Sounds Like Good HORSE Sense.

Chicago Post.)
Professor Iun declares that while the
horse originated in Europe he attained de-
veIopment in America.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-04-01
PLAUSfB
(ChicaEo NeWs.l

IL looks plausible. said the man who
occasionally let's out an audible thought.
What looks plausfble?' queried the
THAT goats milk should yield the
strongest butter" explained the noisy
thinker.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-04-01
They Seem to Be Standing Pat.

philadelphia North American.)
Joe Cannon is heading for Panama. HI
ought to be pleased with things dowr
there
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-04-01
HER OPPORTUNITY.


SpinsteT (under mistletoe, and the in
fluence of its associations, to nervous gen
tIeman, who has been asked TO take a
wallflower down to supper)-Now. dom
you take any notice of my screams. just
you make mel
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-04-01
CLEVER PARAGRAPHS.
1t Certainly VIII Be Frosty.
Kansas City JournaL)

Governor Carter of Hawaii says he
would be willing TO let his daughter marry
a Jap. When Carter next arrives in San
Francisco he should wear his heaviest I'M
derwear and biggest Overcoat.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-04-01
No Longer the MiIIionaire's Club.
(ChicaSo Tribune.)

Probably It Will occur to Mr.. Carnegie
one of these days that it might be a good
thing to endow a United States senator
shin
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-04-01
Also on Panics, Perhaps.

Chicago News.)
Jim Hill says that the opinion of a mes
senger boy on the stock market would be
as valuable as his.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-04-01
Well. Just Watch Him.


If1DuSIDH VSt-I
I'VE trust the president will enjoy hiI
repose" says a western newspaper. Re
nose2
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-04-01
A. Knockout orons.

Chicago Reeord-Herald.l
The ticker never sings lullabies, but il
recently has been putting good many
people to sleep, just the same.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-04-01
Yet They say Talk Is Cheap.

(Baiun.ore SUM-
Senator TilIman's seven months lectur
ing will net him $4,000.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-04-01
The Cause Discovered.
Baltimore News

The occurrence of floods is not sur
prising in view of the amount of water
that has been squeezed out of stocks.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-04-01
Would Beat Flying Machines

When somebody learns to utilize the not
air expended in congress they can ope-
rate a balloon line right from the capt.
FOL
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1907-04-01
ADJUSTMENTS TODAY.

Salt Lake-"Alfce-S it-by-the-Fire.
Orpheum-Naudey
Grand-"Friends"
Lyric-Matinee and night, vaudeville.
WEATHER FOR SALT LAKE.
Fair