The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1907-03-04
PILGRIM JOE.
The World Does Not Always Cotton to
n Good Man.

had halted half way between the
Atowns of Come off and Go on TO give
INV old. horse a bite to eat Wheh
found myself smoking my pipe ana
musing:
1T is better to be right than to be
great, although your grocer may soliie-
lines turn you down.
Integrity has sent many a man to
the poorhouse, but he didn't have
constable to show him the way.
And likewise:
hut bv some hocus pocus he that &C
cumuiates fifty millions demands the
respect and admiration OF the pupiic.
/ was trying to figure out whether
the railroads and other corporations
owned more members of the present
congress than the last when oody OF
patriotic citizens came rldlnS on the
gallop and drew rein beside me, ana
the leader called out;
WILLIAM. we will give you exactly
ten minutes in which TO make your
peace with heaveni
"Whyfore this gathering and this
suddenness p I asked
cts that Pain Alleviator of yours
that has killed three people over at
Goldfish Point They died within half
an hour after taking it. We. their sur
xiving relatives. demand retribution.
neck 1 protested. From one of my cir
culars 1 read to them that the Pilgrim
Pain AlleviatOr was compounded from
roots and banks and herbs that were
perfectly harmless.
That even If You, swallowed the cork
with the dose you had sbuoyant feet-
ing. - 80
That it was a panacea for low spirits
and morbid feeling.
That people who were on the point
of committing suicide had taken one
dose and begun to frolic.
That it had warded off yellow fever
and deprived cholera of its grip
That liver complaint, lumbago. ca
tarrh, rheumatism, roaring in the head.
dizziness and flatulency disappeared
before it like dew before the sum-
mer's sun. .--
That it had helped undeservfng peo-
PIE into Jail and helped deserving ones
That no man should trade horses,
buy a piece of land. get married. make
a will or bury his wife without first
taking 4 dose according to directions
The pathos in my voice or the indis-
putable facts / stated had an impress
sion on all the patriots but one. He
was an old man with the chin whisk-
ers of a goat and a couptenance he
tried to make benign I remembered
to have seen him a year before when
he was travelling about the country
with a consumption cure now saw
that he was the real leader of the
gang and that his object in having me
lvnched was to come into possession
of my outfit, which 1 will state here
for the benefit of blind persons con-
sists Of
One horse.
One tintype outfit.
One fighting dog.
Twenty-four moving pictures that
move.
One grasshopper in a bottle.
1f 81, tn
This old patriarch pushed to the
front and demanded that 1 be hung
forthwith, but wiser counselS prevail
ed. and I was taken six miles into Jail
until the case could be further consid-
cred. At the end of two days 1t was
sscertained beyond dispute that the
by eating poisonous mushrooms. All
had my alleViator in the house. and
had they taken double dose the eff
fects of the poison would have been
counteracted. I was given my liberty
with many expressions of sympathy
and good will. and when I came to
look around I found that my property
had disappeared with the old patriarch
the day before Several citizens Of
fered to accompany me in chase: but
girding up my loins and realizing that
integrity was never vet knocked out
for long. I set off over the country on
foot At the end of fifteen miles was
rewarded. I came across the old man
at a house where he had stopped to
court a widow woman and try to work
the tintype business.
am but a weak worm of the dust
when 1t comes down to it. It would
have been a tender and juicy bit of
brotherly love to have presented the
old cuss with dozen bottles of the