Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1907-05-18
Mr.. JOBsON's APPAREL

When the coffee was reached at dinner
the other evening. Mrs Jobson. imagining
the moment propitious, ventured out upon
the firing line.
My DEAR" she inquired Of Mr.. Jobson,
'have you ordered any lightweight cloth
ing yet7'
Mr.. Jobson stiffened in his chair.
Have ordered any what?". he came
right back with rasp In his voice.
Lightweight suits for the warm
weather." repeated Mrs. Jobson. timor-
ously. seeing that she hadn't. after all
hit of the correct moment.
NO." replied Mr.. Jobson, land haven't
ordered any alligator pears from Java. nor
any pomegranates from Arabia, nor any
turbine yachts from the Cramp shipyards.
I'd like to know what's behind your ques-
tion-that's what I'd like to know.
Nothing" replied Mrs. Jobson. except
that you'll be needing some summer CLOTH
well TAI tell you what's behind your
question, just to show you that you aren't
quite so foxy as you think you are CUT
in Mr.. Jobson. "Mathematically, your
thirty-five for YOU never knew you to
ask that question that You Werene pre-
pairing to spring something on me. You
want-
nj
seeing what was coming, II really have
everything l need for the summer, ana
only Thought
You want" doggedly broke in Mr..
Jobson, "a whole lot of unnecessary junk
for yourself, andso you take that catty.
roundabout way of trying to beat me to It
by suggesting that I ought to have some
clothes. AS IL it would make blamed
bit of difference to you whether mooched
around Washington in gunny sack or not.
so long as you Uttered yourself all over
with q lot Of fool stuff that's about
Twenty-Five years younger than you are!
But I'm dead next to your system. When
you suggest that go down and stake my
self to a So hat, that means that in about
three days you'll be trying to wheedfe me
for $34 hat-and you generally get away
with your wheedling. at that!
when you jump in and suggest That l
hike down and order myself suit Of
clothes that means that pretty presently
you'll be naiyely informing me that you
haven't got a single, solitary stitch to
your back, and that you'll be flashing
whole lot Of shipped samples Of dress
goods on me and asking me which OF EN-
like the best. When you tell me that
need haircut. that means that you're go
ing out the same day and have your scalp
massaged and your hair treated by some
fake woman that charges you about ~
per treat. oh. I'm wise to all that kind
Of stuff, Mrs. Jobson, and venture to
suggest that you try to think out some
thing new. You've been working that old
line Of action too long. It's threadbare.
IT hadn't single idea In the world,
protested Mrs. Jobson. except that, now
that the hot weather is all but upon u.s.
YOU will
Anyhow" broke in Mr.. Jobson. "leav-
ing out of consideration these feline put
up Jobs of yours. what the dickens DO l
want a whole lot of new buds for. any.
how? I'm not a cut up any more. I'm not
on the turf. I've been shelved, good and
plenty, for more years than care to think
about. I'm not trying to make hit with
anybody. Just who you're trying to make
a hit with with all Of the crazy toggery
that you heap up on yourself can't make
out, but there must be an answer 10 tnat
one too. But. as for me. I'm not trying
a dude around this mans town in my mid
die age. I've tagged all of that kind OF
tomfoolery long ago-even IL some people
that I could mention still imagine tnat
they're at the tittivating age, at which
But, my dear" placidly put in Mrs.
Jobson. you know you've always said that
YOU believed a man should never slump as
TO his apparel as long as he has the"
You can just cut out that thing Of casting
into my teeth everything that may have
said during the past twenty-five years or
So" interrupted Mr.. Jobson. If I'd apply
that hurling-up system to you you'd lock
like more different colors Of chameleons
than ever burrowed beneath the messy
stones Of an old Spanish mission house
What's become of those eight or ten only
partly worn suits of summer clothes that
I've got kicking around this dump some
where or other? / spose you've sold the
whole outfit for about IS cents, hey? Or
maybe you've traded all of those fine suits
of clothes off for whiskbroom and
dishpan and patent eggbeater to some
peddler that came to the basement door?
Or maybe you've
my DEAR. mildly put in Mrs. Jobson,
please do not be SO absurd. You know
very well that you had only three suits that
you were wearing last summer. and all OF
them are all but worn out. because we led
such an active, outdoor life last summer
that
IF 1 didn't have at least seven suits of
clothes a-going last summer then I've
never seen the dome of the Capitol, that's
all I've got to say" broke in Mr.. Jobson.
But, for the sake of argument, Ill grant
you-as m granting your arguments every
day of my life-that / only had three SUITS
What does any man of my age want of
more than three suits of clothes for the
summer. will you be good enough to tell
me that? Right here and now l may as
well tell you that II you think you're going
to drag me this year. as you've been drag
years, to some internal summer resort
hotel where a man Ii looked upon as
hodcarrier unless he switches his clothes
about eleven times day, you're slumber-
ing away out at the end OF tall cocoanut
tree.
IF we go away at all this summer-and
don't you think I've made up my mind as
to that end Of It,, either-we're going to
some place where / can prowl around in a
suit of dungarees, II want to, and attract
no attention by doing SO. So three suits
of clothes'l be all can use or will need
You can just drop card to that clothes
cleaning fellow to bring his wagon by here
pretty soon and you can hand those suits
over to him to be tinkered up. All they
need Is bit of sponging and pressing
that you could do yourself if you weren't
SO busy thinking of new ways Of landing
me out on the poor farm before 1 reach my
f1ftieth year"
But, my dear" persisted Mrs. Jobson.
you know how folks will talk when they
see man let himself run down, and Mrs
Kaystreet was here today and she was
Dragging about how Mr.. Kaystreet had
just ordered five handsome new summer
suits and"
There you go with another of those old
time schemes Of yours-trying to ring in
other people for the purpose OF getting me
going. ! don't care IL that idiot Kaystreet
has got 300 imperial purple togas formerly
belonging to the Emperor Marcus Aurelius.
II he-and he's a good eight years older
than am, II he's a day, though he pro-
fesses to be younger-f Kaystreet wants
to swash around this town like Willie-
on-the-Pickle Boat. that's nothing to me.
You can't make me Jealous Of your Kay
street friend, Mrs. Jobson, even IL you are
49,. H., TO-