The Washington herald., 1907-01-27
WOMAN ABOUT TOWN
Stories of Washington Life.

ond day after she came to visit ne she
wanted to call up somebody on the phone.
and 1 saw her fixing things according 70
the exacting requirements Of her creed.
She filed an atomizer with some sort Of
a germ killing fluid and began 10 spray
the telephone Maybe ] spoke 10 her too
suddenly, or maybe her hand slipped At
any rate she dropped the atomizer and
smashed It, before she managed 10 make
the telephone perfectly safe.
7" I'm awfully sGrry. Aunt Jane I said
'' On. no matter she replied I can do
as 1 frequently do in the case Of public
Then she pressed the receiver firmly
against her chest. and carried on her CON
versation without risking her lips at the
tainted mouthDiece. She SAID the woman
at the other end Of the wire heard Ter
perfectly. Maybe she did. Anyway. Aunt
Jane would rather never be- heard at all
than run any risk with a germy teIe-
phone"
MY handwriting has been q source OF
annoyance 10 many people. 7 know. says
a middle-aged man, but it once saved
me from fearful humiliation. when 1
was in college / wrote even more flegibly
than 1 do now I was also very much
more intense in my feelings than have
been since. / was in ny sophomore year
when I met the only woman / could ever
love. She was a good deal older than !.
but / knew that life would be a hollow
mockery 60 me If 7 could not spend g.
with her. About the fourth time ] met
her I told her so. She wasn't deeply
impressed In fact she laughed heart
lessly, and told ne I'd get over il. De
spair filled me- went back to my room
and decided to commit suicide. wrote
brief note 10 my Iandlady ana LEFT IL
on my table. / knew shed find # or
the chambermaid would. in the morning.
and 10y that time I'd be a corpse. It
would cut the girl who laughed 10 the
quick when she found 7 hadn't left A
word for her. All I wrote was. Send my
things 20 the family. Nothing more
don't know what changed my mind Per
Eaps the river looked too wet. ] stayed
out all night, trying TO die a natural
death and By morning ] was convinced
that the girl had peroxide hair and q
squint. Then ! was in a terrible fix I
knew the landlady would read my note
right after breakfast, and spread the
alarm. I had 10 be dead OF ridiculous.
was too far from the house 70 get back
in time 10 save myself. I hadn't brought
any money with me, and I wasn't dying
the least bit Long about in the after
noon I skunk in, thinking I'd get my mon
4 Ff.a~T~
me as I sneaked up the stairs, and called
10 ne. It was the ghastliest moment Of
my life.
II sent EN- she said.
''Sickening horror froze me 10 the spot
I could feel the jeers OF the world, and I
wished I had hoped into the river.
i didn't know where YOU wanted 'em
sent she went on. so I sent EN- 70 the
nearest place. 1 guess it's as good
laundry as any
That's what she thought my last mes
sage was. I suppose the word looked as
much ike laundry as il did ike family
She never did know why l yelled ike a
red Indian as I went on up 10 my room"
Many a prophetic word is spoken in jest
It's only "a few years since an evening
when Oliver HerfOUd amazed and per-
picked everybody who sat near him at a
concert by his new theory Of musical crit
icism. II music may be discussed in
terms OF painting. he said why not talk
of il in terms Of chemistry II It has
light and shade and color. why not let Il
have reactions and cxidization. and all
the rest Of il? For half an hour he crit
cised a symphony with such facility and
s,,rb inter ivOoy rLs+ roL5f4s
tines within ear-shot mistook him for six
different distinguished critics. It was a
jest It was also prophecy. No longer
ago than last week. al a small recital
here in town. some Of Strauss 'Salome'
music was played. and when the pianist
had finished a man who fancies himself
as a critic said imDreSsiveiy. The acid
bites deep there Oliver HEREFORD is no
longer alone in the field OF new criticism.
For myself since everybody viii be using
the chemical method now, / propose 70
speak Of music in automobile terms. No
body who hears Strauss can fail 10 notice
a tendency 10 skid now and then. Here
and there one detects an obviously shock
absorbing passage for the trombone, and
IL anything could be more satisfactorily
water-colored than Strauss use of the
kettle drum. I'd ike to know it. The
lower clearance Of his 'CellOs is beautiful,
and the make-and-break ignition Of the
second violin is a thing 10 remember long
.afterward. The aim of the truo critic is
to keep his readers from finding out what
he means by what he says, Of course. No
critic can keep up his reputation unless
ne is careful about this. Presently. doubt
less. automobile terms viii be too COM
monplace. but by that time the airship
viii have furnished a new vocabulary.