The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1907-01-17
THAT ALARM CLOCK

|
the world for me to do to kesup
early. consulted with and opened
nv heart to a friend of the name of
Snapper. Snapper suggested that l
buy an alarm clock.
| l took Snappers advice and bought
one. The man who sold it gave me
lessons in operating it without extra
charge. could see through it like
hole in a board fence. All you had to
do was simply to whirl a little wheel-a-
ma-gig around until certain figure
pointed to the hour on the dial, the
one which you wished to be bounced
out at, and everything was serene.
l bought that clock in the evening,
unbeknown to my family. and. think
| ing had a sweet. sure thing on being
awakened at the proper hour. l linger-
ed with some friends in front of a
when l got home, and everybody was
asleep.
MY angelic mother-in-law had es-
capped the perils of smallpox, cholera,
etc. and had arrived that day to stay
with us '"for few days" Heaven,
what number of days it takes to con-
stitute "few" with that mother-in-
law!
Well, her long journey had tired her
out. and she, too, had gone to bed
Entering softly, 1 deposited my clock
on the table that stood at the head of
our bed. Then ''set her." after which
1 carefully placed myself horizontally
in my little bed, making no disturb
| ance, for l dislike lectures, and was
soon lost to everything in the shape of
fear or anxiety.
What blessed thing sleep is, espe-
cially when you are not afraid and
know you are all right about getting
| up! 1t will be observed that pause to
moralize
Well, 1 had really got sleep on the
brain. l was tinctured with it clear
through. But there is not the slightest
use Of moralizing or describing any
further, and will come to the point at
once.
In the dead watch and middle Of the
night l was rudely awakened by
fierce and agonizing yell from the
partner Of my bed. Not only that, but
I had the breath nearly knocked out Of
my body by the said partner throwing
herself upon me in her frantic endeav-
ors to get out of that bed. I felt some
thing was loose.
AS soon as my senses were revived l
heard the fearfulest rattle-to-b ang-din-
neutrality-suspicious. whtz-ete-pop
mingled with the wild shouts and
groans Of my wife. l was entirely con-
founded myself. She yelled Murder!
Thieves. Police"' and, with lettering
steps, she made for the adjoining bed
room, where her mother was. l fol-
lowed in terror myself. for as yet had
not sufficiently come to my senses to
know what the deuce it was all about
anyhow.
That mOther-in-law leaped from her
dreams, from her bed, and. seeing me
tremblingly trying to quiet her daugb-
ter, she at once concluded that I was
trying to murder her and came for me
tooth and nail. Then l shouted; then
we all shouted, and the uproar was
heard in the street, and murder was
thought to be doing
Still that awful racket was kept up
in my bedroom. The truth flashed
over my mind. l had made q mistake
in setting my alarm clock. and it had
"gone Off" I rushed wildly for it, l
placed it between the feather bed and
the mattress, but still it kept on with
its devilish racket. The women also
kept up theirs. I seized that clock and
rushed to the bathroom and there let
flood Of water upon it in the hope of
silencing it, but all to no purpose.
While this confusion was going on
within the police had raped for as
sistance and had gained admittance to
the house. They rushed up to our
sleeping apartments and burst in the
door.
whats up? What's the row? Where
is he?" said one Of them.
My mother-in-law pointed them to
the bathroom, where 1 was trying to
drown that COMPOUNDED clock in tub
Of water.
The officers drew their clubs and pis-
tolls and charged upon me. 1 mounted
the tub and pointed to that clock,
which was still dinging away like
something possessed of the devil
What is the meaning of all this
row?'
I attempted to explain, but the voice
of my mOther-in-law was heard above
all words Of mine
Take him away, officers. He has
been trying to murder us both. Take
him awayw
In the meantime my wife had swoon-
ed.
One of the officers went for that
clock with his club. He smashed it
across the snoot. He welted it in the
face. He dislocated its lower Jaw.
He crippled its hands. He knocked it
0f l,1% ck;1