davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-04-03

life, received a common school educa-
ton, supplemented by a course at the
academy at River Falls, WIS.,, and for
q time taught school. He studied law
and In 1873 was admitted to the bar in
Hudson, Wis. In 1870 he was elected
district attorney Of Polk county, serv-
ing two terms. During the years
1884-85 he served In the lower house
Of the Wisconsin legislature. He made
the speech nominating John G. Spoon
er when the latter was first elected to
the United States senate. In 1885 Mr..
Nye moved to Minneapolis, where he
served n term as assistant county at
torney, being promoted to head of the
Office by the election Of 1892.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-04-03

courts Of Europe. Queen Victoria was
one Of the first royalties to join the
ranks Of her admirers, for she COM
manded Melba to visit Windsor when
she had been singing in London but Il
short time. The emperor Of Austria
conferred upon her Il coveted order.
When she sang Mt Stockholm. King Os-
car commanded her to come to the pal
ace and conferred one OF the greatest
Swedish orders upon her. He was
about to pin the order to her dress.
but found he had not II pin. whereupon
Melba produced II and offered 1t to
him. But he Mt first refused 1t, saying.
II am afraid II l accept Il pin from you
It will break our friendship" Ulti-
mately he did SO and added, IF l ac-
cept the pin, l will kiss you to seal the
compact" And he did SC.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-04-03
FRANK M. NYE.
Congressman Elect Who Is a Brother Of
the Late Bill Nye.

When Frank NJ. Nye. who has been
elected to congress from Minnesota.
takes his seat in the ney house of rep
resentatives, his fellow members will
expect him to crack a few jokes. as he
Is q brother of the noted humOrist, the
late Bill Nye. The congressman elect
has made his reputation in Il different
ever. He has won Il reputation in the
northwest as one of the ablest criminal
lawyers in that part Of the country.
Mr.. Nye was born in Shirley, Me-, in
1852. and when he was about two
years Of age his family moved to st.
Croix county, Wis. He grew up on a
farm amid the hardships Of pioneer
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-04-03
AN EXPERIMENT.
How One In Optimism Caught Mr.. Day.
iington OF His Guard.

TOW VIC IN OPt1nniSm N1u9nt mr.. Oav.
Iinston OF His Guard.
Nothing stood in his way now. They
had the parlor to themselves.
ITS curious about optimism and
pessimism. isn't it?"
I'm what wayY' she asked.
"Why. for instance, if a man is an
optimist things seem to come his way,
whereas II he is pessimistic everything
turns against him. That is to say, the
things we think are going to happen
generally do happen"
"Oh, l don't believe in that theory!
I've often thought things were going
to happen when they didn't, and lots
of other things have happened when 1
didn't believe they would"
"Yes, l know there are exceptions to
the rule: but, generally speaking. l
think optimism brings the things n
Is anxious to have. For instance. here
we are. Miss Brooke-you and 1. Now,
l am a thorough going optimist. I be-
lieve certain things are going to hap
pen-certain things which will be profit
eble and pleasing to me-"
"What have l to do with them. Mr..
Dallington?'
"Well, perhaps nothing, as far as
that is concerned. But here we are,
you and 1. If l were, as I was saying,
a pessimist l would think the things I
have in mind couldn't happen. There,
you see, is where the pessimist loses
out"
EYES," .
$50 we are bound to recognize the
advantage of optimism, are we not?"
II haven't noticed them as yet"
But you will if you make it a prac-
tice to be optimistic"
"Just a moment. 1t may be that l
don't quite understand this matter.
Now, tiff. just for instance-if I We're
to think you would ask me to be your
your wife, that would be optimism,
would it?"
"Er-yes."
"And if l thought there was no prob
ability that you would propose mar
rage to me, that would be pessimism? ?"
you have grasped the idea."
"Or, to put it as you had it at first,
what n thinks will happen does hap
pen and what one is afraid won't hap
pen doesn't happen?"
"Of course there may be times
when
She leaned forward and, whispering,
said:
Look at the curtain"
He looked and turned a little pale.
At the bottom Of the curtain he saw
the tips of two shoes.
"Heavens!" he gasped. "Your "a
Their"
! "Sh-sh! Don't let him know that he
is discovered"
Miss Brooke" he said in unsteady
tones, may 1 have the honor of-will
you become my wife?"
/ IF you are sure you never can be.
happy without me l suppose I must
say yes"
/ After he had departed she went to
the curtain and carelessly kicked aside
a pair of shoes which she had placed
there so that the toes would protrude a
little way into the parlor.
EYES," she said to herself; 1.-The things
n thinks will happen sometimes do
happens. Il. Kiser in Judge.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-04-03
Humor ana Philosophy
H PERVERSE ACHINE
BY DUNCAN n. SMITH

A typewriter, oh,
Is a splendid invention!
Odd you ever meet up
With a bucking machine
That had nothing to do
But be cranky and mean,
Causing language to flow
Quite too awful to mentionO
You sit down to write,
For a beautiful thought,
Grand. lofty and sweet,
Unbidden has come,
And then. hully gee,
The machines On the bumI
A screw is too tight
Or the ribbon has caught.
Your fingers are daubed,
And your temper should hang.
You do to it all
OF the things that you know.
You turn it and twist it.
And still it won't go.
You swear you were jobbed
When you bought the shebanG.
A typewriter, yes.
Is worth all of the money.
A splendid invention,
A thing of delight,
A wellspring Of joy
When it's running all right,
But it causes distress
When it tries to get funny.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-04-03
Baking Day,

Say, baking days jest lots Of fun,
Though Liza Ann she gets SO mad
And says we're orful. orful bad
And chases us and makes US run
Still baking days Jest lots of fun.
For when she has her cake all done
And In h wen baking she
Calls to brother Dick and me,
Come long, now. boys: you two
rogueS can
LICK the spoon and scrape the pan"
And then. gee whiz. how We do run!
Say, baking days Jest lots OF fun!
-Lippincott's Magazine.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-04-03
FREMSTkD As SkLOME.

The Operate Star and Her lGeas as
to Her Much Discussed Role.
Olive Frenstad, the operate star
who sang the part Of Salome in the
music drama of that name by Richard
Strauss and Oscar Wilde. was at first
repealed by the production. Since the
piece was taken off at the Metropolitan
Opera House. New York. on account
of the objections raised to it, COMPARE
son has been Instituted between it and
the play John the Baptist" by Suder-
mann. in which Julia Marlowe takes
the role of the daughter of Herodias.
Miss Marlowe says nothing would in
duce her to play Wilde's Salome. She
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-04-03
Engaged q Girl.

my Wife" said Newliwed, "is a
very good cook"
"Oh, Gomez exclaimed hewitt. Her
mother told me she was just taking her
first lessons when you married her.
II know, but she was good enough
not to continue her lessons on me."-
Boston Transcript.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-04-03

"Yes." said the warden. ''he was the
coolies! asM most thoughtful convict
who ever broke Jail"
You don't say" exclaimed the Wis
itor.
Yes; he left behind him a note to
the governor Of the state beginning, 4
hope you will pardon me for the liber-
ty I'm taking.'"- Catholic Standard
and Times.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-04-03
Jumping at Conclusions.

Il see that the human ostrich ia no
more. He's the chap who swallowed
nails, needles and hatpins. And h.
chewed glass too"
II see. He chewed SO much glass
that he got a pain."-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-04-03
Old Story,

Gunner-During our counting days
she said she would go through any
thing on earth for me.
Guyer-Ah, and, now that you are
enjoying welded bliss, has she made
good?
Gunner-Well, no. About the only
thing she goes through is my vest
pocket.-Chicago News.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-04-03
Show me.
Unwarranted.

'"The widow seems quite inconsolable
over her loss"
Eyes; her deceased husband had just
had his salary raised"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-04-03

Governess-You're a naughty little
girl. Christabel. to kick your cousin
like that. C~hristabel-l didn't kick
her. Governess-Oh. hush, dear. l
saw you kick her several times. Chris
tabel-l didn't. l missed her every
time.-Punch.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-04-03
Jack and the Kitty.

Mrs. Observation-Disclosures has a Won
aerful effect on animals.
Mrs. Bocker-I suppose that is why
Jack is always trying to sweeten the
kitty.-Judge.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-04-03
The Sufficiency Of Wealth.

Chimmie-So yer refuse me cause
I'm poor. Well, yer'll find dat money
don't bring happiness.
Amandy-Well, it don't have ter.
See? 1t kin hire it brung.-Leslie's
Weekly.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-04-03

1T costs more to live than II did
years ago." said the man who com.
plains.
Yes" answered the mar who en-.
joys modern conveniences, but It's
worth mOre."-Exchange.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-04-03
She'll Get AIonQ.

Alice-That girl is pretty. but she
hasn't any brains.
Lorraine-If she's pretty she doesn't
need any brains. - Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-04-03
They Never Hide Il.

"Does he give anything to charity?"
"Well. nobody W. caught him at It,"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-04-03
Why She Wanted to Go.

"Have you any special reason for
wanting to go shopping today, my
dear?" asked her husband.
"Yes."
"What is it,"
"Silk special SO cents"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-04-03
On Their Preserves.

He is burning the candle at both
ends"
HE had better be careful or the
gas company will get out an injunc-
ton"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-04-03
Seasonahle,

Let's be joyous when the Christmas
Season comes. its gracious gifts bestow-
ing.
II we are not we will miss much
OF the good things that are going.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-04-03

Put your dollars in any old invest
ment scheme and help make the pro-
deliberation and subsequent wisdom
on your own part.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-04-03
PERT PARAGRAPHS.

Keeping out of trouble may be hard
work, but it is more satisfactory than
trying to get out.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-04-03

1t is hard to
cultivate an ap-
petite for the
bread Of char
ity.
Arguing with
a man in love
Is a futile effort
in trying to
make the blind
see.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-04-03
THROWS FIT At WILL.
Fainting Bertha' the Bugbear Of
illinois Jai!s and AsyIums.
CAN'T KEEP HER LOCKED UP.
"etone Walls Do Not a Prison Make
Nor Iron Bars a Cage" When Bertha
10 lnside-Picks Your Pocket While
You Wait.

Miss Bertha Lebecke, twenty-seven
gears old, is conceded by Illinois state
authorities as the most troublesome
person who ever crossed the state line
from any direction at any time.
Just how large n cash bonus the
state treasury today might be willing
to advance could It be assured of Ber-
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1907-04-03
Proved.

"You say that all pretty girls are
clever"
"Certainly."
"ShOw me-"
ut is mighty clever of them to be
pretty"
The Charles Mix new era. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1???-1911, 1907-12-13

There Is on record at the War De-
partment, Washington, a document
bearing witness to how plentiful buf-
laloes were within the memory Of many
men now living 1t Is the return" for
several rounds Of cannon ammunition
expended la Kansas In 1867 to divert
the course of a great herd OF buffalo
that was bearing down toward a camp
Of soldiers with a force that threat
ened to ~overwhelm 1t. At least one off,
Ger Is alive who saw these shots fred,
and he describes the herd as literally
reaching as far as the eye could see.
1t was a long time in passing the camp,
whose occupants watched 1t In silence,
awed by the spectacle. General Philip
st. George Cooke once halted a regi-
ment Of cavalry on the plains to permit
a great herd Of antelope to pass, and
he was not a man easily halted when
on duty. His humanity iinpelled him
to withhold the regiment from man.
Cling and manning the antelope, which
were allowed the right Of way.-Bostor
Transcript.
The Charles Mix new era. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1???-1911, 1907-12-13
of the
ESEenfiaL

d The happy homes Il to-day i : MT
fund 81 information ~ to The best methods
d promoting health and happiness and
right living and knowledge Of ths worlds
bet products.
Products Of actual excellence and
reasonable claims truthfully presented
and which have attained 10 worldwide
acceptance through the approval Of the
Well informed Of the World: not Of indi-
viduals only. but Of tho many who have
the happy faculty Of se;scting and obtain
ing the best the world affords.
One Of the products Of that eiass, oi
known component parts, an Ethical
remedy, approved by physicians and COM
mended by the Well Informed Of the
World as q valuable and wholesome family
laxative is the well known Syrup Of Figs
and Elixir Of SIENNA. To get It's beneficial
effects always buy the genuine, manu-
featured by the California Fig Syrup Co.,
only, and for nale by al leading druggists.
The Charles Mix new era. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1???-1911, 1907-12-13

Wsaa . girl il around and is watching
1t u wonderful, all Of the things you
can do;
You can u twice as fast, and can jump
twice as high,
You can turn q neat handspring and
never half try:
You can hop, skip and Jump, and you're
never afraid
To take any kind Of a dare that il made ;
You can hang by your toes twenty feet
from the ground
On the limb Of q tree-when q girl II
around.
When a girl is around and you're sure
that she sees,
Yeu can do your best tricks on the swing
ing trapeze;
lou can jump q high fence with the
gracefulest spring
And hang by your toes from the ropes
of q swing
When it's going its best-what IL you
60 a fall,
You say that it really don't hurt you
at all,
II it makes you see stars-and you're
UP with a bound
And a smile on you face-when a girl is
around.
When a girl is around-oh, the heroes
we are!
Who can leap twice as high, who can
jump twice as far,
Who can cut up such antics as never
before.
Who can conquer all the worlds and
then look out for more;
From sloughs Of dead level as giants we
stir
To prove all our might and our prowess
to her;
And we reach dizzy heights at q leap and
a bound
As the lad at his play-when . girl ia
around.
The Charles Mix new era. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1???-1911, 1907-12-13
0isl's Ambition Not High.

A Kansas girl graduate who had been
given the theme Beyond the Alps Lies
Italy" promulgated the following:
II don't care q cent whether Italy
lies beyond the Alps OF In Missouri. I
do not expect to Get the river on nns
with my future career. I am glad
that l have q good education, but I am
not going to misuse It by writing
poetry or essays on the future woman.
1T will enable me to correct the
grammar Of any lover I may have
should he speak Of 'dorgs' In my pres
enc or seen 4 man." 1t will also come
handy when I want to figure ont how
many pounds Of soap q woman can ct
for three dozen Eggs at the grocery.
So I do not bcgrudge the time I spent
In acquiring It. But my ambitions %
not ny . high.
II just want to marry 4 man who
can lick anybody Of his weight In tho
township, who can run an eIghty-acrs
farm. and who has no female relatives
to come around and try to boss the
ranch. I will agree to cook dinners for
him that won't send him to an early
grave and lavish upon him a wholesome
affection and to see that his razor has
mot been used to cut broom wire when
be wants to shave.
I'm view Of all this, I DO not care II
I get a little rusty on the rule Of three
and kindred things as the years 30 BY"
Topeka Capital.
The Charles Mix new era. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1???-1911, 1907-12-13
NV WILL MOTHERHOOD 1Asxf

NV Wx&A WAe
Masn Dsus ~ sAs ApDassnt Sssssss
- Dssinsss Weasn.
sWhat II the influence Of thu busi.
No. woman on the home life Of Amer
lear writes Anna Steese Richardson
IN the Woman's Home Companion IF
commercial success becomes the aim
Of the intelligent In this coun-
try. where win wifehood and mother
hood rank In the scale OF social ecoDo.
my1
"A nerve specialist. who has count.
"a among his patients scorss Of over
worked business women remarked. In
closing = discussion Of the woman
waGc Garner:
.'In considering the business worD'
IN, whether Al an economic or Z social
factor, whether for her own health OF
her happiness, you must divorce
her entirely from the home
II gnspcd- So wise = man n IA
nerves! 30 ignorant as to the heart.
the soul Of the woman!
"No woman can be divorced from
the home. either as an Individual, In
stinct with life. OF Al a social problem.
Home aud woman-they are !ndisso-
lubly linked together. ever though
some women do not realize the fact.
Every woman In business 10 n fac
tor In some family circle or holds pos
slbilities OF establishing such a circle.
Nor In her influence confined to her
w immediate family. All uncon-
sciously she permits her very indie
pendence and prosperity to touch In
an overwhelming circle the homes Of
her girl friends, now married, and to
arouse In the hearts Of women slngu-
larly suited to the domestic. sheltered
life, feelings Of discomfort and envy.
So the financial Independent sister,
cousin or girl IL often the real serpent
In the twentieth century Garden OF
Eden. Her commercial success. which
passes for ~unalloyed happiness with
her married friend who has never been
In business, In an evil influence which
the most willing and devoted Adam
cannot always counterfeit"
The Charles Mix new era. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1???-1911, 1907-12-13
BOTH GAINED.

Man and Wife Fatten ON Grape-Nuta-
The notion that meat Is ne ~ssary foy
real strength and the foundation OF
solid flesh Is now no longer a. preva-
lent as formerly.
Excessive meat eaters are usually
sluggish a part Of the time because they
are not able to fully digest their food.
and the u~niigested portion Is changed
into what is practically a kind Of poi
son that acts upon the blood and nerves.
thus getting all through the system.
Il was a heavy meat eater" writes
an Ills man, land up to two years
ago, was In very poor health. l suf-
fered with indigestion 90 that | only
weighed 95 pounds.
Then heard about Grape Nuts and
decided to try II. My wife laughed at
me at first. but when I gained to -.
pounds and felt % fine. she thought she
would eat Grape-Nuts too.
Now she ID fat and well and has
gained 40 pounds. We never have ind
gestion any more and seldom feel the
desire for meat. A neighhOr OF ours,
6S years old. was troubled with indi.
gestion for years; was q heavy meat
eater. and now since he has been eating
Grape Nuts regularly. he ssys he II
well and never has indigestion. | could
a q lot Of persons who have really
been cured Of indigestion by changing
from q heavy meat diet to Grape-Nutx"
There's = Reason" Name given by
Postum Co.. Battle Greek. Mica.
Read the little book. The Roal to
WsalvtIe." II pkga
The Charles Mix new era. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1???-1911, 1907-12-13

~ local applications, rs they cannot reach
the diseased portion OF the ear. There 10
emily one way to cure deafness. and that 10
caused by an in1amed condition Of the mu-
rous lining OF the Eustachian Tube. When
this tube Is iniamed you have a rumbling
sound or imperfect hearing. and when 1t 10
unless the Inflammation can be taken OUT
ind this tube restored to Its normal condi-
ton. hearing viii be dest royed forever: nine
rases out OF ten are caused By Catarrh.
81 the mucous surfaces.
We will give One Hundred Dollars for
any case Of Deafness tcaused by catarrn,
that cannot be cured by Halls CatarrE
Cure. Send for circulars, free.
r. J. CHENEY Il CO, Toledo, O.
Sold by Druggists. 75c.
Take Halls Family pills for constipation.
The Charles Mix new era. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1???-1911, 1907-12-13

"You live on Puget sound, do you'll
Why, SO do /. Finest country in the
world, sir" said the passenger with the
closely cropped beard. ITO see the sun
rising over Mount Tacoma"
You mean Mount Rainier, I presume"
interrupted the passenger with the shaggy
eyebrows. Eyes, sir: life out there Is
one long"
mo, sir! l mean Mount Tacoma. I
might have known from your looks that
you're one Of those Seattle pugs that"
Just the same. you ignoramus. every
school boy knows it's Mount Ra-"
BIZ.
Bang Chicago Tribune.
The Charles Mix new era. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1???-1911, 1907-12-13
The Traveller Guessed Well.

A captious traveller In northern Ar
kansas stopped by a fence to criticise
a scar cornfield which met his disap-
prevail. mighty small corn you have
there" he shouted to the man who was
experimenting the growth" from n
shady corner.
Yep" said the Arkansan. "Planted
the small kind"
Looks mighty yellow to me, for this
time OF year."
yep. Planted the yellow kind"
"wen." said the traveller. severely.
II can't understand your method OF
farming. You won't get over half a
crop there"
"Nope." said the Arkansan, cheerful
~. You are shore a good guesser.
stranger. Half a crop exactly, that's
mine. l planted this on shares"
The Charles Mix new era. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1???-1911, 1907-12-13
Race Suicide In the Middle Cla.a

@s
THE sociologists lay the charge OF
race suicide 1t the doors Of the multi
millionaires," writes Anna Steese Rich
ardson, In the Woman's Home Com
panion- why do they not investigate
the family conditions In the great
middle class. from which are drawn
nj most successful women? Here they
will find the great source Of danger to
the PRONUNCIATION OF the human race.
To-day II Is the young women-and
the mature women-of the middle class
who are turning their backs on the
home wherein lies Americas hope OF
future greatness. And for what? To
exchange the birthright Of womanhood.
wifehood and motherhood for the mess
OF pottagc known as n business career.
Therein lies the nations greatest men,
ace-race suicide"
The Charles Mix new era. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1???-1911, 1907-12-13

II notice you are prematurely bald"
sbserved the inquisitive passenger. May
I ask how you lost your hair"
II lost it by doing too much butting
into other peoples AFFAIRS" answered the
other passenger.
The Charles Mix new era. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1???-1911, 1907-12-13

At the swell Baaquef.
"Who's that little man up at the head
Of the tableT'
'He's one OF our biggest capitalists"
II see. And who Is that giant Of .
man down there near the footi"
Hes one OF our small m~erchantA"
The Charles Mix new era. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1???-1911, 1907-12-13
Qualtn@a.

II noticed lash night that you alluded
10 Dingletown As an early paradise
EYES. They haven't a single lawys,
there-and milk Is still : cen q
quart."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Charles Mix new era. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1???-1911, 1907-12-13
ConNAoneial.

Husband-But. my dear, X MIRA
Nextdoor told you In strict confidence
ron shouldn't tell me.
Wif@Oh, very well; II you donft
care to hear It l can tell It to sons
lody 60 ! 0pposA-Chicaeo Nswa
The Charles Mix new era. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1???-1911, 1907-12-13

PILES CURED IN Q TO IL DAYS.
PAZO OINTMENT Is guaranteed to cure any
case OF Itching, Blind. Bleeding or Protrud-
Ing Plies In . to II days or money refunded.
Doc.