davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

Since it has been asserted that neith-
er Shakespeare nor Bacon wrote the
famous plays credited to the former,
the man who discovered the fact may
as well admit that he wrote them him
self,
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

Cesare Lombroso gives 1t as his opln-
lon that Harry Thaw is degenerate
because his nose is crooked. Cesare
neglects to explain whether the degen-
eracy causes the crookedness or results
from 1t.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

If the Swedish investigator has real
ly succeeded In overcoming gravita-
tion, then flying machines should only
be matter Of buckling on a pair OF
10-cent wings.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23
He Kne,v Wnmen.

She Why is 1t man always drops
into back seat when he goes to
church?
He-Because he has no bonnet to
show, my dear.-Yonkers Statesman.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

There Is an old song which says a
boys best friend is his mother. IT'S
pretty hard to make the boy whose
mother is approaching with spoonful
Of medicine believe it.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

1t no longer seems to be good form
for a prominent business man In any
Of the States to receive an indictment
with less than a hundred counts at
tached.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

Having been greeted by the Presi-
dent as "fellow citizens" the Porto
Ricans may now feel at liberty to think
of Speaker Cannon as Uncle Joe.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23
Eacinl.

Don't you think her face rather too
thinT"
well, don't know. can't see any
place where It's worn through. Can
you?'-Puck.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

Ethical passion is an excellent thing,
the Christian Register is willing to ad-
NIT, but ethical action is better one,
and by the latter the former Is tested.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23
Exnerf Onininn.

Dolly--What makes you think she Is
such an awful goSslpG
Madge-She told me all the things /
asked her about. Smart Set.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

Time was when the antl-pass bill
was the best joke of the legislative sea-
son. Are the American people losing
their sense of humOr?
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

Counterfeit $5 bills In circulation are
said to be rather short. The good ones,
however, are not long with us.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

Health and goodness are contagious
and epidemic, as well as disease and
crime.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

That thief who stole $1,000 worth of
diamonds from the Queen, of Greece
must have been slippery customer.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

Thirty-one years ago the country
was made almost speechless with hor-
ror by railroad wreck on the Lake
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

Perhaps, after all, Governor SWEET
tenham merely wanted to advertise the
superior quality Of jamaica ginger.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

An old bachelor wants to know what
life without love Is If It isn't married
life
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

II woman Is homely she always
knows it; but it's different with a man.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1907-04-23

Shore & Michigan Southern Railroad at
Ashtabula, 0lio. A train went through
q Srldge and 4 large number of fatali-
ties resulted, ?. p. Bliss. the noted
evangelist, beg among the victims.
This was about tile first experience
Americans had with great railroad ca
tastrophes. 1t happened before the de-
velopment Of the speed mania, and, for
that matter, before the development of
the railroad business into anything Ike
the important industry 1t is to-day. Nat
urally, the "Ashtabula disaster" be-
came almost classic of the news. Ii
was read and talked about for months
as one Of the most frightful events In
the worlds history. But how Is It
now? A few days ago, we read with
out deep concern of frightful wreck
in the Middle West, followed day or
two afterward by another disaster OF
equal extent and horror. Outside the
immediate vicinity In which these ac-
cIdents happened, reports of them
were read almost with Indifference.
twenty-five years ago they would have
filed the newspapers for days. 1t Is
not that human suffering is more In
differently regarded nowadays, but that
through familiarity with frightful rail-
road accidents we have come to look
upon them almost as a matter Of
course. We are expecting them just
about so often. If we ourselves escape,
we think we are lucky, and beyond that
there is only passing sympathy for the
victims unless we are personally con-
nected with them. We were horrified
when the San Francisco earthquake oc-
Cured, considerably interested when
Valparaiso was shaken to the ground,
and not particularly concerned, compar-
atively, over the fate of Kingston. Pos
sibly in this rushing age 1t will not be
long ere we shall look on the downfall
of nations and the obliteration of en-
tire peoples with equanimity.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1907-12-04
A Game of checkera-

Under the heading Move On, tn ;
editor of The Minneapolis CKan1
Better Way says his family is going
to move again. He adds:
1t sometimes seems to this writer that
II would be better to pay rent than to
move. Our wife has to do so much hard
work lifting the range and our heavy
nlahoganS furniture. then the loss by,
preakage OF cut glass and china and
oruisase OF silverware is always consid
cradle. We knew 1t was coming three
Meehs ago when our old rooster walked
OUT TO the barn and shut himself IN in
crate. For = long. happy months we
nave dwelt In peace and amity (and
Judge Apples house, on the south hin
giving the neighbors. without money and
without price. the benefit of our happy.
sunny disposition and imposing presence
and now. just as We have succeeded in
getting on good terms with our neigh
Dors dogs so that we can pursue our
hoe'urnai Investigations without disturb
ing their rest, the terrible edict goes
iorth: Git!-and Wen have to do It'll
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1907-12-04
Persihaoe.

An Illinois editor had a bad night
recently because the foreman mixed
the makeup Of the newspaper and
followed an obituary with a near
poem from a patent medicine adver-
tisement reading, 1.-The pain in mas
head fs gone" etc. While the editor
realizes that the pain has gone, all
right, he fears that the daughter who
wrote the obituary notice may give
him one next time she callsi
"A very religious young couple Of
a town which shall be nameless, were
married under water They wanted to
try the shoals of matrimony."-Wis-
consin newspaper. Wonder If they
thought to try it in hot water?
You can't blame a horse for being
frightened by motor car when about
half the men driving automobiles have
an expression of fear and determine
ton on their faces that would scare
SIX months growth out of burglar.
A Quincy, ILL.,, woman got a divorce
from her husband because he did not
keep his toe-nails manicured. This
might be called winning separate
maintenance by a scratch.
Pennsylvania man who is the IA
ther OF twenty-four children, is now q
grass-widower because he had an af-
Unity. The judge, in passing SEN
tence, rules that the man does not
need an affinity. l should say not:
what he needs Is pension!
In Missouri they are having a Ion
whiskers contest. Valentine TanJev
OF Frankfort is said to lead with a
hirsute appendage eleven feet in
length. 1t must make an electric fan
hungry just to look at Valentine.
You can't lose an editor. When nro-
h1bidon carried. an Oklahoma scribe
sold his newspaper and bought a drug
store.
These advertised personally-conduct-
ed tours never appeal to a man who
has wife and q motherin-law.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1907-12-04
BABY ITcHED TERRIBLY.
Face and Neck Covered with Infamed
skln-Doctors No AvaiI-cured
BY Cuticura Remedies.

My baby:s face and neck were Gov
ared with itching skin similar to ecze-
ma, and she suffered terribly for over
year. took her to a number Of doc
tors, and also to different colleges, to
no avail. Then Cuticura Remedies
we're recommended to me by Miss G..
| did not use 1t at first, as 1 had tried
80 many other remedies without any
favorable results. At last l tried Cuti-
cura Soap, Cuticura Ointment and
Cuticura Resolvent Pills, and to my
surprise noticed an improvement.
After using three boxes of the Cuti-
cura Ointment, together with the Soap
and Pills, l am pleased to say she is
altogether n different child and the
picture OF health. Mrs. A. c. Brestlin,
III N. Lincoln ST., Chicago, ILL.,, Oct.
20 and 80, 1906"
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1907-12-04
WHAT WAS IT
The Woman Feared7

What a comfort to find 1t is not "the
awful thing" feared, but only chronic
indigestion. which proper food can re-
heve.
A woman In Ohio says:
Il was troubled for years with indi-
gestion and chronic constipation. At
times / would have such q gnawing
In my stomach that l actually feared
had al dislike to write or even
think Of what feared.
Seeing an account Of Grape-Nuts
decided to try 1t. After a short time
was satisfied the trouble was not
the awful thing feared but was still
bad enough However. l was relieved
OF bad case Of dyspepsia by chang
ting from improper food to Grape Nuts.
Since that time my bowels have
been as regular as a clock. had also
noticed before 1 began to eat Grape
Nuts that / was becoming forgetful Of
where ! put little things about the
house. which was very annoying.
But since the digestive organs have
become strong from eating Grape
Nuts, my memory L. good and my
mind as clear as when / was young.
and am thankful" Name given by
Postum Co., Battle Greek, Mich. Read
the little booklet, THE Road to Well
Silie." In nackages. There's . rsscor
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1907-12-04
REAL CAUSE FOR eLADNEss.
How Young Lawyer Carried Comfort
to Convicted Client

An amusing story is told by Har-
per's Weekly at the expense Of
prominent Baltimore lawyer, who, like
most young attorneys, got his first
case by assignment from the bench.
His client had been indicted for muir
der, and his conviction was fore
gone conclusion, as his guilt was I'M
questionable.
The result OF the trial was a SEN
tence to be hanged; but the man
made an appeal to the governor for a
pardon and was anxiously awaiting a
reply thereto when his lawyer visited
him in his cell. .
Il got good news for you-very
good news!" the young lawyer said,
grasping the mans hand.
Did the governor-is it a pardon?"
the man exclaimed joyously.
We'll, no. The fact is the governor
refuses to interfere. But an uncle of
yours has died and left you 5000, and
you will kave the satisfaction of know
Ing that your lawyer got paid, you
know" was the comforting explana-
ton.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1907-12-04
WOMAN KNEW HUMAN NATURE.
Personal Experience Counted In Her
Endorsement of New Pastor.

A Philadelphia congregation was
called upon not long ago to choose a
pastor. The last three ministers had
been persona non grata with most of
the Pensioners; and before selecting
another the congregation did some
pretty hard thinking. There was one
woman OF experience whose voice car
ried particular weight. Preacher after
preacher was invited to the pulpit for
. trial sermon, and all, in the final
analysis, were rejected by the female
arbiter. At last there came along a
possible incumbent who met with her
approval
"The reason / am sure he will give
satisfaction" she said, rs because he
has the right kind Of a wife for a
minister. She allows him to rant
around all he wants at home and
doesn't sass back. found out a long
while ago-shortly after l was mar.
ried myself, in fact-that a man who
hasn't that privilege at home works
oil his spleen elsewhere. A minister
vents 1t on his congregation. That
was why we couldn't stand the last
preacher. This one will be all right.
We won't hear a peep out of him"
And Apon that unique recommends
lion tn congregation really did give
the man a call. According to last &C
counts both he and the congregation
we're doing we'll. The wife has not
been heard from.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1907-12-04
The Final Shower.

And you say when the heiress be-
came the wife Of the foreign noble
man 1t was shower wedding?"
Il should say so. The bride wore q
shower bouquet"
yes"
"And then there was q shower of
rice"
MY"
Followed by shower Of congratu-
lations and old shoes"
We'll! Well! And how did it end
up?"
Very embarrassing all round. The
nobleman's creditors came around and
presented a shower Of bills"
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1907-12-04
The News.
Copyright: 1871: by Byron Williams.

The News.
hear at Baltuff's corner store tn winter
will be cold
TIL shells that wrap tn hick'rynuts Is
very thick, I'm told.
tn hair upon tn colt Is long, the rab-
bits fur Is dense
An pigs is hustfin' straw, by heck, along
tn leeward fence!
CT Bingham SEE. down at tn store, thet
times is gittin' worse
1t costs heap more money now to hire
Bud Hinckley's hearse!
he seq that he remembers we'll when
prunes want half so high.
And fer dollar yew could git TWELVE
CANS Of Rigley's I've!
Dave Hendricks guesses that tn trusts is
cursin' of tn land
An we are doomed Z starve Z death un-
less we take a hand.
Sim Saunders slivers off a piece Of cod
fish and allows
Thet Jackson Lawrence, headed west Is
buyin' up mich cows
May wilkins, who was Mary Prout hez
got a boy" seq Sim.
And Bill is sick a bed, b. bosh-'t was
oful hard on HIM"
They're sawin' wood up Ackley way and
elders gittin' right
few hear m hull blame range O. news
at Baltuff's every night!
They hain't a doggone book yet writ,
where ye kin learn so much
An git yerself all posted up on law and
rates and such,
81 yew kin soak in at this place behind
tn red-hot stove
l mean at Baltuff's grocery store, down
home at Hick'ry Grove!
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1907-12-04

have been under different doceorH
treatment for long time without
| relief. They told me had q Abroid
tumor, my abdomen was swollen and
l suffered with great pain. wrote
70 you Tor advice, you replied and
followed your directions carefully and
to-day / am well woman. Lydia n
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound en-
PEELED the tumor and STRENGTHENED mp
whole system"
Mrs. S. J. Barber, Of Scott, N. z.
writes:
Dear Mrs. Pinkham:-
Sometime ago I wrote you fer
advice about tumor which the doc.
tors thought would have to be removed.
Instead / took Lydia 6. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound and to-day am .
we'll woman"
Mrs. M. N. Funk. vandergrift, Pa.
writes:
Dear Mrs. Pinkham:-
Il had tumor and Lydia q. Pinh-
hams Vegetable Compound removed
it for me after two doctors had given
me up. was sick four years before I
began to take the Compound. I now
recommend Lydia E. Pinkham's Veget.
able Compound far and near"
Such testimony as above is CON
vincing evidence that Lydia e. Pink.
hams Vegetable Compound stands
without peer as a remedy for Tumof
Growths as we'll as other distressing
ills of women, and such symptoms a.
Bearing-down Sensations, Displace
ments, Irregularities and Backaohe.
etc. Women should remember that e
is Lydia E. Pfnkham's Vegetable Com
pound that is curing 80 many women.
Don't forget to insist upon 1t when
something else which he calls 'just
as good"
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1907-12-04
Nat "a IA EnnlAd

A city lad spent a part of Las; SUM
mer on a farm owned by his uncle.
It was the boys first visit to the coun-
try, and everything on the farm was
delightfully."- unfamiliar to him
One afternoon the youngster, who
had been prowling about the chicken
house, seized the product Of one cack-
ling hen, and marched exultantly into
the house with his prize.
Let me have 1t, son." said the
farmers wife, "and I'll cook it for
your luncheon"
you must think I'm a greenhorn,
auntie!" exclaimed the boy. 81 guess
the hen cooked it all right It's
warm."-Harper's Weekly.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1907-12-04

Starch. like everything else. Is be-
Ing constantly improved, the patent
Starches put on the market 25 years
ago are very different and inferior to
those Of the present day. In the lat
est discovery-Defiance Starch-all In
furious chemicals are omitted, while
the addition of another ingredient. in
vented by US, gives to the Starch a
strength and smoothness never ap-
preached by other brands.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1907-12-04
TUMoRs CONQUERED
Overwhelming Proof that Lydia e. Pinkhams
Vegetable Compound Succeeds.

One OF the greatest triumphs Of
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound Is the conQuering of woman's
dread enemy Tuner.
The growth of tumor is so in
sidious that frequently its presence
Is wholly unsupported until 1t is well
advanced.
So called wandering pains" may
come from its early stages or the
presence OF danger may be made
manifest by excessive monthly peri
DDS accompanied by unusual pain, from
the abdomen through the groin and
thigh.
II you have mysterious pains, If
there are indications Of Inflammation
or dfsplacements, secure a bottle Of
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound, made from native roots and
herbs, right away and begin its use.
The following letters should con-
vince every suffering woman of it's
virtue. and that it actually does
conquer tumors.
Mrs. May Fry, of 1886 w. Colfax
Ave, South Bend. Ind, writes:
Dear Mrs. Pinkham:-
Il take great pleasure in writ
ing to thank you for what Lydia E.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound has
done for me. also took the Blood
Purifier In alternate doses with the
Compound. Your medicine removed a
cyst tumor of four years growth,
which three of the best physicians
declared I had. They had said that
only an operation could help me. l am
very thankful that followed a friends
advice and took your medicine. It has
made me strong and we'll woman
and I shall recommend it as long as
l live"
Mrs. E. F. Hayes, of 26 Ruggles St,
Boston, Mass, writes:
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1907-12-04
Not a Dead One.

an oklahoma newspaper narrowly
escaped having to publish a birth no
tee last week. This is how 1t han
pened:
A. T. Wilson, better known as .T,..,.
Tom" who has been given to too 1n,,ch
marrying and who has been wanted az
dickson. was shipped to Andrews from
Silver City, New Mexico last week re-
ported 70 be dead. HIS friends went after
him and the neighbors dug a grave al
"aiKer cemetery, but when they arrived.
10. and behold, he was not SO dasd =.
was reported and he promptly hled his
protest against being made the prtnci-
pal at burial service. Out of respect
10 his feelings. he was not planted.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1907-12-04
Wise Breeze.

winch would you rather be?"
me sunbeam asked the breeza-
"A dimple or a freckle
On the face OF sweet Louise"
I'd rather be freckle
On her cunning. puggy nose"
Inc breeze replied quite aptly,
since that Is what she blows"
Robert v. Carr
o nckle little breezei
A freckle lasts a day.
But dimples, sir, cannot
Be even kissed away!
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1907-12-04
Why Streets Are STRAIGHT.

There is no mystery about the
streets of New York." complained the
aesthetic stranger. 1T Is all straight
up and down. North, south, east,
west; all straight paths. No cross
cuts and alleys. no zigzag turns and
twists and cowpaths, as In London
and Paris. Just long, straight, unin-
corrupted roads,"
Built that way purposely," a ma
dVe explained. When the average
New Yorker has to go home, he needs
q straight road"
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1907-12-04
Beware Of Ointments for catarrh
that Contain Mercurv.

e mercury win surely destroy tho sense OF smen
ana completely derange the whole system when
entering y through the mucous surfaces. Such
nroeies should never be used except ON prescrip-
uonS from reputable physicians ~ the damage they
VIII 90 is ten fold TO the good ron possibly de-
i've from them. Halls Catarrh Cure. manufactured
~ F.J Cheney CO., Toledo, O., contains no mef-
euy and II taken internally, ect;rg directly upon
sne blood and mucous surfaces Of the system. In
buying Halle Catarrh Cure be sure you get the
genuine Is 70 taken Internally and made In Toledo
O3lo, py z; ) Cheney Co. Testimonials free.
Take HAiIS Family Pulls for crZStiPatton.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1907-12-04
Better Than Gifts Of Fortune.

The gifts Of fortune are often taken
away as speedily as they came; but
strength of mind and personal nobility
are possessions which survive the ex.
terral circumstances of life and lift
1t into grander Observation-Disclosures
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1907-12-04

Cheerfulness doubles the effective
cess OF personality. It enables one
70 use the power he already possesses.
Gloom clogs the wheels.-Smiles.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1907-12-04
Lightning photographic Vase.

During a thunderstorm a remarka-
BILE incident happened at house near
Deal. England. the lightning imprint
Ing perfect photograph Of q flower
vase on a mirror before which 1t stood.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1907-12-04

Let US try to make hopefulness and
patience contagious so that everybody
may impart an influence of cheer
Bishop Fitzgerald.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1907-12-04

suffered with Eczema for forty
yocrs and could fad nothing to
suffered intensely with the Itch
ing and burning; pustules woUld
FORM from which there flowed q
Et1cSy Hu1d; crusts would como on
the EE-0 and whoa scratched cI
the skin was Let as raw es piece
cf beef. l suffered agony il the
when I used q. 8. 8. I found q per.
foct euro. There has never Eeen
a2y return CT the trouble.
@. n. EVAES
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1907-12-04

FITS, st. Vitus Dance and all Nervous
Diseases permanently cured by DR.. Kline s
Great Nerve Restorer. Send for Free 81 90
Id, s3l Arch St., Philadelphia, Pa.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1907-12-04

Little things are little things. but to
be faithful in little things is to be
great-St. Augustine.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1907-12-04

Lewis Single Binder straight Sc cigar
made OF rich, mellow tobacco. Your deal
er or Lewis Factory, Peoria, Ill.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1907-12-04

To prevent that tired feeling on
ironing day-Use Defiance Starch
saves time-saves labor-saves annoy.
ance. will not stick to the iron. The
big Is OF. package for 1oc. at your
grocer'S.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1907-12-04

ALI UP-TO-DATE HOUSEKEEPERs
Use Red Cross Ball Blue. 1t makes clothes
flean and sweet as when new. All procerr
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1907-12-04

Manhattan's postofice receipts
amount to $54,370 daily.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1907-12-04
Those Delicious Lemon Pies.

The kind that make your mouth wa
ter are easily made with no fussing and
at least possible expense If you use OUR
PIE preparation. Don't hesitate. Try 1t
ana tell your friends. At grocers. 10 cents.
Everybody is pleased with "OUR-PIE.''