The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1907-12-24
MR.. DOOLEY On THE SAILING
OF THE FLEET"

By F. P. DUNE.

Well. sir" said ar. Dooiey. tn
fleet has started fr tn P~assyrck
50 / see" said Mr.. Heunessy -
all right"
30 90 l." said Mr. Dooley. but as
IN pA-aper say. / have iyry conf
dence in Bob Evans on tn ocean as
! hope he has in me Oh tn dhry land
F~orchniteIy him an his gallant fell
lows are ali goin' in ships II they
attempted to march down we might
expict TO hear IL casualties on tn way.
IL is akelly forchnite that tn ocean
al this time ~ tn year Is very fun IN
water. Anyhow Bob Evans says he
can do II an / la.e il TO him.
But II locks as though our frin6s
IN Europe weren't as sure about II a.
l am. I've been readin' what thee
admirers an well-wishers iv ours has
10 say about IL. says a Fr-riuch pa
aper. TIL foolhardiness ~ Prisiden.
Rosenfelt in sinding mis- vast array ~
boat over such an expense iv water
cannot be too much commended. Few
w our readers realize what an awful
lumpy thing tn ocean is whin aroused
but we who have crost tn ~accursed
channel know tn turrors iv tn deep
an we can on'y say firm our own e1-
peeryence we hope tn American fleet
did not ate too heavy A Xxi be-
fure enibarkin'. TIL German press
predicts that tn fleet VIII break down
befure II gets we'll out ~ tn harbor.
tn Rooshyan press thinks a mistake
was made in ~dischargin' tn Jap'nese
COOKS who viii now desthroy IN ma
ton be stayin' here an cookin' fr
American families.
"Bu 1t is firm our English cousins.
Thin devoted an warrum hearted
hands acrost th' sea that tn fleet gets
tn greatest send-off.
I'VE feel deeply sorry.' says wan IL
thin, to think " what is goin' to
happen to this here misguided armada
In tn first place they are not English
ships an tn crews are onprepared fr
fghtin'. niver havin' been given tn
knee drill. They are infeeryor shots.
TIL p~reyailin' commercial dishonesty
in America undoubtedly has filled
their shells with excelsior an Sawdust.
No doubt our intilligint little allies tn
Japs has put a pinch or two iv dinny-
mite into their Goa befure they took
it aboo1d. We gloomily predict that
be tn time they get to Rio Janierio
tn bottoms of their old lumber hook
ers will be covered over with bar
nacles, CLAIMS, sea-weed, an dead fish,
so that they won't be able to move.
This may save thin, but we wudden't
be surprised If tn injanyous Japs
lightly through tn Straits ~ Magellan.
lash up tn coast iv South America,
catch Evans an his foolish fleet slop-
ping around in tn sea iV Sarah
Gussey an sink thin all with wan iv
thin turrble torpedoes that tn Japs
alone know secret iv, which fired
from tn windows IL their ships,
ounces firm wan iv tn inimy's boats
to tn other, d~esthroyin' each in turn
an thin eturn almoS as good as
new to tn pocket whence it came. But
this may be too good to be true. Al
present our wan best bet is that tn
feet will sink in tn Straits iv Magel-
Ian, turbulent body iv cold water full
iv> rocks, frogs, cabstands, flying
Dutchmen, boats and other objects
dangerous to thraffic. This dhreadful
passage that has not been used except
be schooners in tn Chiny trade Fl
years undoubtedly will end tn bonn
bastic attimpt iv a silly people TO sal
own a few thousand miles Nv RIPARIAN
rights on it
well, sir, it looks bad FIR Bot
Evans. If he'd liver been tn naval eX-
pert iv a British n~ewspa-aper,
might have more confidence in him
Onforchnitely at an arly age he was
sent to sea an has been on tn Wate1
liver since. He little knows tn terrors
iv tn deep tn wa a naval eXper'
knows thin. All he knows iv this Vi
cious element is that it is composed ~
water that moves all tn time. but
sometimes more thin at others, an
that it is dotted here an there witt
unimportant an unsafe lookln Is
lands, some small. which are called
Great Britain or Japan. an other:
large. which are called America, which
wreck ships an hosun's mates that -
ashore on thin. If ye asked poor Boil
What he knew about the Straits ~
Magellan red prob'bly say they Were
an alley full iv water created be Hlve1
FIR boats to go through alSlly IT II
wan ocean to another
"AccOrdin' to tn experts. that rule
Rrittanya that rules tn sea even /
Bob does get to tn Passyfick he
goin' to be in rouble. He just as lit
tie knows tn turrorS " tn Passyf1cf
Cor cares about thiml as he does tn
turrors IL tn Atlantic. This here mis-
named body iv water. they tell me. il
very heavy going. AT times it lie:
quiet an smiltn'. at other times 1t i
: dashed into fury by tn awful mon
goose, a thropical wind that blow
acrost its surface an makes tn wave
run mountains hig to wan who ha'
niver been to sea or n mountains. /
/, abounds with coral reefs (mucn uset
: be tn people iv thin parts as joolry.
: an is full of goold fish an other dan
I gerouS denyZOnS " tn sea.
/ Bob Evans wud prob'bly tell "
hat tn Passyfick ocean is the larg'
/ body iv water. like tn Atlantic on,
: larger and that TIL 'mongoose is a kint
iv wind that blows. 1t is not as wien
: as tn wind around tn F1atiron build
[ ing in New York where he was vans
: almost killed be havin' a cab blown
+ against HIM, but it is a Idly breez'
l that makes tn dhrafts betther aboort
| ship am sometimes tips over a catty
! maran or a canoe that a student i
: tn Tokyo University is takin' his cir
l out into tn Passyfick in. An so /
: goes.
.Supposin' our frinds tn Japs shut
get cross or foolish at Us afther readin
tn opinyons Nv tn naval critics abou
l thin. What does Bob Evans know
about thin? Faith, he'll have n
l more charst with thin thin an Indial
| with a bow an arrer would have agail
4 a machine gun. You an l know, Hin