The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1907-02-28
HELD in SLAVERY
ALL MANKIND SUBJECT TO TY-
RANNY OF FASHION.
Impossible In This Day and Genera.
tIon to Dress ~ One Pleases-
The Despairino Cry Of
One Woman.

Clothes and all their little acces-
sories are without doubt the invention
of the devil, says John Lane in the
Fortnigbtly Review. The other day l
was at a garden party, and there l
realized, as perhaps never before. the
appalling nature of the top hat. In
towns one accepts 1t as one does mo-
tor omnibuses and traction engines,
but when It meanders among trees
and does the polite with sloppy Ices
and tea that spills It's way to its des-
tination ones soul cries out against It.
The Achilles heel of q man is his
hat. He must guard that as he does
his reputation, for 1t is at once his
strength and his weakness. It would
hurt an archbishop less in the eyes
of the public to commit crime than
to wear his hat on the back of his
sacred head.
II is the aim of all human creatures
to look alike. II II we're not so each
would dress as he pleased. AS 1t is we
spend half our life trying to look like
everybody else. To be conspicuous is
nearly a crime, and for this reason we
80 frantically pursue the fashions.
Eve is probably the only woman on
record who could dress just as she
pleased, and for that reason she is the
only woman WE know of since the
world began who had leisure to culti
vate her mind.
To think of the amount of time a
woman wastes on her clothes! Why,
II men we're to spend as much time at
their tailors or buying their neckties
the worlds work would never be done.
When one looks back on ones life
ones feminine life-it Is melancholy
to realize how much of ones troubles
are owing to ones clothes.
I remember the despairing cry of
woman looking hopelessly through her
wardrobe: Il should have been bet
ter woman II / had been born with
feathers" How well i know just
what she meant! She was examining
disconsolately a shabby white satin
dress-the kind Of satin that betrays
its plebian cotton origin. II wish |
were a guinea hen with respectable
speckled feathers!" she cried, as she
gave a discouraged slam to the ward
robe door. "Then I wouldn't use up
three-quarters of my intellect get
ting the wrong things cheap!"
Sunday clothes are the most tyran-
nical In the world. 1t takes a heroic
woman to go to church In anything
but her best Subconsciousness is the
precious faculty bestowed on a privi-
legged few of hearing the sermon and
at the same time studying hats.
have known a tulle dress-the sweet
est and most innocent looking thing In
the world-to go out on an Icy cold
winter night-would go, you know!-
and kill the girl inside.
assure those feminine pioneers
who clamor for their rights that above
everything else they should demand
equality OF pockets. Try to imagine
a man doing his errands with a purse,
handkerchief and shopping list in one
hand, and the tail of his skirt in the
other, his umbrella under one arm,
making an effort to keep
his head clear for business problems,
and at the same time keeping a wary
eye out for motors. He couldn't do It!
II the worthy ladies who have SO much
and who will interrupt
our great orators while they are busy
being eloquent would only demand
law requiring every woman to have
16 pockets what a splendid service
they would do their bothered sex.
Once l met a man who was lured
from the joys of Piccadilly, just as he
stood in frock coat and top hat, to a
rural retreat, five miles from a rail-
way station. "Goodby," he said, in an
impolite burst of rapture. II fear my
soul has not been in harmony with ma
ture. Don't blame your SOUL" said
as we shook hands; your soul was all
right, but you had on the wrong hat"