Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1907-05-24
ORDERED
A WIFE
BY MAIL
COWS FAR OFF WEAR LONG HORNS
BewallS the Loss of His Money. But
Glad He Did Not Marry

tation fancy free" Schlite's finan-
cial deficit was caused by his very
laudable desire to follow the sug-
gestions of our strenuous President.
and become the progenitor of q fam
lily of miniature Schlites. Now had
Schlite been content to permit the
course OF true love to travel along
known and oft travelled highways
and byways, and passed over the
latch string of his heart TO some
bunch grass fed girl from the un-
dulating prairies or sage-brush plains
OF Harvey county: one who could
mount a bucking cayuse and chase
down coyote or even timber Joint
ed John rabbit before breakfast. rope
a yearling or brand slick ear" on
the range. all might have gone we'll.
Mind the horse editor says might,
for where there is a woman in the
case, even though she be a Diana
from the Oregon bunch grass hills,
the horse editor out OF abundant
wisdom and the experience-of
others-permits himself no positive
statement.
Schlite did not do this. Instead he
permitted himself to read an adver-
tisement in some eastern paper to the
effect that in that far away land n
beautiful damsel pined and anguish
ed for the love of some big hearted.
noble minded rancher. one who could
give her a home and shelter her I'm
his manly arms against the arrows
OF adversely and the friction OF a
calloused world, The pathetic little
statement appealed to Schlite He
became imbibed with the idea that
he was the man predestined 10 fn
this long felt want, and TO furnish
the manly arms. etc. The idea OF n
mail-order wife appealed 10 him, and
he turned cold shoulder to local
offerings and like many other suck
ers. thought the goods far on must
surely be better than the home
grown product.
Peter, with much tribulation con-
.cocted an epistle, as tender as early
turnip greens. and with infinite faith
and blossoming hope. turned II over
to Uncle Sans postal service. In
due time an answer came and the
writer proved to be just the kind OF
a woman Peter had written, that he
wanted. The correspondence was
kept up. and finally Peter with much
love and more confidence sent tho
fair one $40 10 pay freight on her
self (seeond class) 10 her future
home. She didn't use the money
that way. Indeed she then and there
ceased TO further correspond with
Schllte.
About this time the federal au-
thorities at Evansville. Indiana,
where the fair damsel held forth,
got busy and became suspicious on
account OF the quantity OF mail be-
ing received by the matrimonial
agency and raided II.
They found the place was run by
a woman and her daughters. They
also found a miscellaneous oOllec-
tion OF hair switches In all stages
OF dilapldation. caused by the said
switches being used 20 furnish locks
OF hair from. for loyelorn swains. be-
ing thus enabled 20 supply blondes.
brunettes. auburn or even the glori-
Gus but sometime eontemned red "
shades OF hair 10 SUIT an comers.
The hard hearted officers closed
the shop and the matrimonial agency
will probably start IN business In a.
new locality and gather In fresh
batch OF easy ones.
II was somewhat tough on Peter
II was tough 10 have his dream OF
love shattered Tough 20 be awaken
ed 20 the fact that graft is a noun
OF either or any old gender. Tough
to lose the visions Of his home CON-
Ing at night. when loving arms
would enclrcle his tired neck and
red lips kiss away all WEAKNESS.
Tough 20 have, 20 realize that he
would still have % do his own cook
ing and tougher still the knowledge
that he would have 10 eat what he
cooked. But the toughest part Of the
y xh0le proceedings after an. vas the
forever vanished $40. Time viii
heal the other wounds but he VIII
have 10 get in and work 20 replace
he cola. stili Peter can console
himself with the reflection that be
got on eheAply. and that be got the
experience vithout having also 70
,ut ~ With the woman.
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