Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1907-01-04
HUMoR ON THE BENCH.
Sayings of Famous Judges In English
Courts.


Mr.. Justice Maule. one Of the most
notable of the Victorian judges, Is the
prince Of judicial wits. my lord, you
may believe me or not, but 1 have
stated not one word that is false, for
have been welded to truth from my
infancy" exclaimed a witness, when
cautioned by the Judge.
Yes, SIR" said Mr.. Justice Maule,
"but the question is how long have
you been q widower?"
At one time the bailiff In charge OF
a jury was sworn to keep them with
out meat, drink or fire." 1t was Mr..
Justice Maule who gave the classic re-
ply to the bailiff who inquired wheth-
er he might grant juryman's request
for a glass of water: well, it is not
meat, and l should not call 1t drink.
Yes, you may"
Another characteristic display OF
Mr.. Justice Maule's humor was occa-
stoned by the appearance of a little
girl in the witness box. 1t was the
judges duty. before allowing her to be
sworn, to ascertain whether she un-
derstood the nature of an oath and
believed In q future state.
do you know what an oath Is, my
child?"
Yes. sir, l am obliged to tell the
truth"
And If you always tell the truth
where will you go when you die?"
up to heaven, sir"
And what will become Of you II
you tell lies?"
81 shall go to the naughty place,
sir"
Are you quite sure OF that?
Yes, sir, quite sure"
Let her be sworn" said Mr.. JUS
tice Maule, 1T is quite clear that she
knows a great deal more than 1 do
Nearly all Maule's good sayings had
a strong touch of irony. May God
strike me dead, my lud. If am gull
ty!" exclaimed a prisoner when the
jury found him guilty.
Mr.. Justice Maule waited few min
utes and then said: Prisoner at the
bar, as Providence has not seen fit to
interfere, the sentence of the court
is ."
His humor was not always or the
kind that makes the bar merry. II
am sorry to interfere" he once OBJ
served to an advocate whose speech
was wanting in lucidity, but do you
not think that, by introducing little
more order into your narrative. you
might possibly render yourself a trifie
more ineligible? 1t may be my fault
that 1 cannot follow you; 1 know
that my brain Is getting old and di-
lapidated, but I should like to stipu-
late for some kind of order There
are plenty of them. There is the
chronological, the botanical, the met
aphysical. the geographical-even the
alphabetical order would be better
than none at ALL"
or judicial wit there are many
kinds. Lord Bramwell is among the
judges whose style Of humor has not
been wanting in variety. A prisoner
was once tried before him at an as
size town for stealing ham. The day
was extremely hot, the counsel was
loquacious and the. ham perspired in
the crowded court. When at last 1t
came to Lord Bramwell to address the
tired jury, he summed up the case in
these words: There, gentlemen, is
the prisoner, and there, gentlemen, is
the ham. Consider your verdict"
Lord Bramwell's wittiest saying,
however, belongs to the Old Bailey.
A barrister urged that his client, who
was accused Of shop-lifting, was suf-
fering from kleptomania. That's ex-
actly the disease l am here to cure,
was the memorable reply.-Grand
Magazine.