The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1907-01-17


A MORRIS CHAIR
ual with care. from the tOothache and
appendicitis up to the trolleys, theaters
and theosOphy. Did you ever think,
DR.. Squills, of what a fine thing it
would be to operate on the body polite
for case of municipal appendicitis"
81 have never let my mind dwell
upon so fertile a field for thOught-no,"
said the doctor. 1T would be rather
difficult. wouldn't it"
81 suppose it would" returned the
idiot. Il suppose it would be next to
impossible to etheriZe the whole city
government before you began to Crap
pie around in its insides after the Of
Tending vermifOrm, but If it could be
done wouldn't it be fine? Just think
of getting rid of all the useless and in
famed members of the body polite as
easily as man now sheds his personally
conducted trouble with his innards."
DO you really believe that govern
ment could run the trolleys as well as
they are run by individuals" asked
Mr.. Brief.
IF they couldn't they'd better so out
of business" said the idiot. Il don't
see why they can't run street railways
as well as they run the street manicur-
ing department. And think how nice 1t
would be - how much envy, hatred
and malice would disappear-if the
people owned the trolley! For instance,
when you and see Mr. J. Willieboy
Duckington hiking up the pike in his
automotrouble'-
"His what" demanded the lawyer.
His automotrouble, said the idiot
Its machine run by gasoline that
breeds trouble of its own power. When
we see old Willieboy scoOting along In
his car you and | turn pale pink with
envy because we haven't anything of
the kind to keep us awake nights and
before the police courts of all the coun-
ties 'twixt Cattaraugus and Kenne-
bunk. We're too poor to pay even for
that long and tolerably consistent
scent that lies in the trail Of it, and we
gnash our teeth to think that we never
can get our pictures In the Sunday
papers because we shall never own one
of those machines. But if we as Citi-
Zens of this metropolis owned the troll
leys it would be different. When the
Green avenue and Gompers square car
goes by we would look at its brilliantly
lit electric interior and smile with sat
isfaction. That is my new Whining
ton,' we'd say to our country cousins
who were visiting us. Then we'd nod
politely to the chauffeur, and he'd stop
and take us aboard. and by and by
the conductor would come through and
hand us all nickel
What in thunder are you talking
about? What on earth would the
conductor hand you nickel for% de-
manded the lawyer.
For riding on the car, of course"
said the idiot. That's the scheme,
isn't it?"
"Oh, Is 1T" laughed the lawyer.
'Well. guess that's the way some
people look at it. What is your pre-
else idea of municipal ownership, any
how|
why" said the idiot, "as l under
stand the propaganda Of the NJ. O..
people as eXpounded on the editorial
pages OF the sporting extras of the
New York Evening Brisbane and the
Chicago Daily William Randolph, mu-
nlclpal ownership means the grabbing
of everything in sight that has a cash
register and meter attached to it,
sending the original owners to Jail for
life and managing what's left for the
benefit of the people. In the case of
the trolleys all the enormous profits
derived from the nefarious practice
now in operation Of carrying passen-
ger ninety miles for a nickel are to be
turned back to hoi pollol in the shape
Of annual dividends with blue trading
stamps with every dollars worth,
which on presentation at the Office of
any gas company in the United States
will entitle the bearer to free gas for
the rest of his natural life.
''Tbe expected Improvements in the
public service will lie along the better
ment of cars, an increased urbanlty on
the part of the motormen and conduct
Srs and far greater regard for beau
~ in all rapid transit matters. AS l
understand the situation as to the first
Improvements, the cars are to be larger
]~--