davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1907-12-13
/. F. JONES',
CIothier and Furnisher, Opera House Block.
ISLAND POND, VERMONT.

would have been saved Hardly a
joint in our whole fOrty-fye mile cir
cult is soldered or wrapped; they are
simply twisted together There is no
estimate Of the enormous loss of cur
rent over such loose joints. and yet il
has been so for sixteen years"
The following story shows how this
plant was made to serve the private
ends of the politicians: A mayor who
was a candidate for reelection attend.
ed a dance given by local lodge. No
ticine how brilliantly the hall was
lighted with electric lamps. the mayor
said, "How much do you boys pay for
these lights?' He was told $35 per
month Il will do it for $10," replied
the mayor
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1907-12-13
AIkali Ike and the Yankee.

AIkali Ike and the Yankee.
"Eh-yah" remarked Alkili Ike a tri1e
reluctantly In response to the tourists
polite and half veiled criticism of GER
tain amenities of life as she is lived in
the care free and wind swept occident
81 didn't s'pose 1t would suit you, Mr..
Eastman. You New England people
think thar hain't nuthin' west of the
Allegheny mountains but sagebrush
an blanket Injuns"
"Oh, not at all. my dear sir" depre.
Gated the gentleman from the effete
east. 81 assure you that hold the
people of the west in the highest re-
spect, and for many of your customs
and institutions | entertain the most
profound admiration. You are an en-.
terprising pushing, progressive people.
If any criticism could be justly offered
it might be that in the midst Of your
bustling enterprise. you have not yet
had time to acquire some of the finer
shades that life in the older common
wealths has. For instance, one might
say without Offering the slightest dis
paragement that you as people are
lacking in repose. OF course
"Huhw calculated the ingenious
Isaac. "If we're lackin' in repose it's
burcuz we have suthin' better to do
than to sleep away our time. We are
alwers up an a-comin' If anybody
asks you. And that's what knocks!"
every true, my dear sir! But your
ah-progressiveness has its drawbacks.
1t has made you a-pardon me-race of
iconoclasts. and
"Nope!" interposed Ike. Thar are
more Methodists around yere than any
thing else"
BEG pardon. but you do not under
stand me. An iconoclast, If you will
permit me, is not
"By jing! That's so! was thinkin'
about suthin' else. IconOclast2 Why
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1907-12-13
There Was but One.

There Was but One.
'Oh, my dear" said the new proud
mother to her husband. Il wish you
could see the new baby across the
way. It's perfectly lovely. Such del
icate, sweet little creature as it Is!
It's perfect little cherub, with the
loveliest eyes, the sweetest little mouth
and the cunningest little nose 1t looks
as if it had just dropped from heaven
and every tiny feature had been fash
ioned by the angels"
"Is it as nice as our baby?" asked
her husband.
Mercy, no-not half"' was the elS-
phatic reply that came from the vicin-
ity of the dainty ruttied crib.-Ladies'
Home Journal.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1907-12-13

.er-er-now looky yere. air. Eastman,
/ don't want to have no trouble with
yOu-it hain't never been my motto to
jump on to q little man till after I've
tried to scare him away-but | reckon
you'd better move along an leave me
before fOrgit my traditions. Come
around yers calm the refined an in
telligent people of this community
iconoclasts! Gosh dang it. I've a no.
tiOn to-
But really you are laboring under a
grave misapprehension, my dear fel-
low! | beg your pardon, but you evi.
dently do not know what an icOnoclast
u.s."
Don't, harp demanded the alkaline
citizen pugnaciously. How in sizzlin'
tawment do you know | don't? Why,
dad blame you, Eve shot all kinds Of
varmints that ever wore hair betwiXt
the kaw river an the Rio Grande-
iconoclasts an all! You 90 on now or
thar'll be one Of the iveiest little two
men fights you ever heard about, An
when your friends pick you up an
bring you to your senses you'll tell 'em
you met bear, an they'll believe
you.'
But, my dear
Ctr
And the gentleman from New Eng
land got.-Harper's.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1907-12-13
Mo Provision For Continoencies

The condition of the haywood water
works seems to be the same as in
many other villages. The plant was
installed. paid for in ten yearly in
stallments by the people, and every
thing went lovely until the machinery
began to wear out or increased capac-
fly was needed, when it was discover
cred that no provision had been made
for such necessary xpenditures-the
water had been furnished to the peo-
pie at cost and nothing laid by for re-
habilitation,- Haywood Qll.i Herald
Recorder.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1907-12-13
Generous Restitution.


few years ago there went to one
of the northwestern states a Boston
newspaper man whose mission it was
to write up" lynching in that quarter,
although there had not been an illegal
execution in the state for long time
The natives took the questions of the
eastern scribe in good part and even
''jollied" him into believing that for
downright lawlessness the community
wherein he was sojourning was about
the most conspicuous portion Of the
United States.
Don't you ever make mistake In
these lynchings?" guilelessly asked the
Bostonian That is, don't you ever
lynch the wrong man."
THAT happened once" put in some
one, but we tried to do the square
thing by the widow"
Indeed"
YES; we appointed committee to
inform her that the joke was on us,
and we gave her the choice of the
crowd for her second husband."-
pincotts.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1907-12-13

Archbishop Patrick ]. Ryan Of Phil
adelphia once was invited TO speak be
fore the Philopatrian society. the mem-
bers of which include many Of the
prominent Irish Americans OF the city.
In acknowledgment of the round of ap-
plause which greeted him the arch
bishop said:
Il appreciate your greeting, and
thank you, my friends, from the heart
Permit me, too. upon this occasion to
express my gratitude to you for your
interest in me in naming your society
after me, the Phllo pat-rian society. 1t
is not every archbishop who is thus
highly honored d"-Lippincott's
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1907-12-13
Whom She Saw.

Whom She Saw.
Four-year-old Marjory, the minister's
daughter, was confined TO her room
with a cold She began to pine for
company.
Il want to see papa" she said.
"Papa's busy. dear" said her moth
er, Presently the pleading little voice
was raised again.
81 want to see papa ever so much,
please, mammal
''No, dear" was the answer. Papa
cannot be disturbed"
Silence for few moments, and the
fOur-year-old parishioner rose to a
question Of privilege.
Mamma" she said insistently, Il
am a sick woman, and want to see
my Minister
And she did
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1907-12-13
Green Cut Bone for Poultry

During freezing weather we cut I'D
a great many tons of green bone and
meat. There is nothing better for
poultry. Price $500 per barrel of 200
lbs, at which price we prepay freights
to almost any station. AT this price
cash must accompany order. Remit
by check, postal money order, express
money order, or registered letter to C.
= Page, Hyds Pa1h, Vt
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1907-12-13
Struck Blind.

After acquiring considerable
amount of money in the United States
young Englishman returned home
eand decided to give his old father Il
treat by taking him to London. The
father had never been in a train be-
fore and commenced the journey with
many outspoken anticipations of dire
events. All went well until the train
suddenly dashed into tunnel. Bang
went the old mans fist ON his sons
nose as he cried: Il told you something
would happen, you young villain I'm
struck blind.'
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1907-12-13

The principal of girls college while
talking TO friend was rung up on the
telephone. After a few minutes he
slammed down the receiver with the
exclamation, Great Caesar"
What's the mattert" asked the
friend.
"Oh, one of those doting mothers.
She has daughter here whom she
idolizes, and she has just explained to
me that the girl is engaged to be mar
ried and she is very anxious about her
health. Heard we were having a
rainy season. and when | told her II
had poured here this morning she calm.
ly asked me TO call her daughter and
feel of her feet TO see If they were
wet. And the girl is twenty three"'-
Ladies' Home Journal.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1907-12-13

The young ladies of the Thompson
Dry Goods company invited us In the
other afternoon to drink lemonade
with them, prefacing the invitation
with the remark that We must say
something nice about them in the pa
per, and of course we could not do
otherwise, for they are all, without a
single exception, just as nice and sweet
as they can be, and our only wonder is
that they have been allowed to remain
single so long-and some of them, oh,
SO long-Marion Record.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1907-12-13
Discipline at Any Sacrifice.

"Sir," said the bank president to a
clerk whose face showed three days
growth of beard, you will have to get
shaved"
But, sir" protested the clerk, ~ am
growing beard
"DO what you like at home" snap
ped the president. "but I'll have you
understand that you cant grow a
beard during Office hours. Every
bodys.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1907-12-13
- The ~ ~
Scrap Book
How She Could Get q Shock.

An electric car was derailed on the
main street. The conductor telephoned
for the work gang. The passengers
We're On one side of the track with the
exception Of one lady, who seemed to
be afraid TO cross the rails.
In timid voice she asked the con-
ductor. Would ! get shock II ! put
my foot On that rail!' pointing to the
nearest one.
Not unless you put your other foot
ON the trolley wire" lie answered.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1907-12-13
Why God Discriminates.

why does not God strike dead ev-
erybody that lies, the same as he did
Ananias and Saphira?" asked a Scotch
preacher who was examining the
school.
Because, sir, there wouldna be on.
one left" replied one Of the children.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1907-12-13
So Sudden.

So Sudden.
They had started for stroll. There
is our minister" he said. Pm going
to ask him to join US"
ITO join US? Oh, George. this is so
sudden! But hadn't you better speak
to papa before engaging the minister,
dear?"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1907-12-13
WHO SHALL ARBITRATE?

Now, who shall arbitrate?
Ten men love wnat | hate,
Shun what follow. slight what receive.
Ten men in ears and eyes
Match me. we all surmise.
They. this thing, and |. that-whom shall
my soul believe?
Browning.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1907-12-13

Their interests Conficted.
mosquito eXterminator."
mo, stree! I'm a manufacturer Of
mosquito netting"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1907-12-13

John looked up, smiled and said
mo. not now. was two hours ago
but now am only paralyZed."
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1907-12-13

A New Letter.
Mother teaching her child the alpha
bet)-Now. dearie, what comes after 6 :?
"WbiZ"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1907-12-13
Only ParaIyzed.

Only Paralyzed.
They We're engaged, and their par
ents had impressed upon them prin-
ciples of economy, so they began
economy IN their days of courtship by
occupying single chair.
John called one night, and after Mary
had sat on his lap for four hours she
turned to him, saying, John, are you
tired!'
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1907-12-13

Some Are Quick; There Are Others.
What little boy can tell me the diff
ference between the quick and the
'dead?'" asked the Sunday school
teacher.
Willie waved his hand.
"Well, Willie:'
"Please. ma'am. the quick are the
ones that get out Of the way Of auto
mobiles; the ones that don't are the
dead Livery body's.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1907-12-13
Your Husband or Brother

will cut better figure when he travels if he has New
Grin or Dress Suit Case There is nothing appre-
ciates more. Come and what have in Leather
Goods.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1907-12-13
WHAT

you buy is important. but not So
important as what you get.
Shop at the
CROSS STREET PHARMACY
The daily tribune., 1907-05-13
IF WOMEN ONLY KNEW
What a Heap of Happiness Il
Would Bring to Florence
Homes.


Hard to do housework with an aching
back.
Brings you hours OF misery at leisure
or at work.
II women only knew the cause-that
Backsche pains come from sick kidnevs
'Twould save much needless woe.
Doan's Kidney Pills cure sick Kidneys
Florence people endorse this:
Mrs. j. r. Wood, of 72s West First st..
Florence, Colo, says: Il have used
Doan's Kidney Pills and am firmly con-
vinced of their grest value. Pain in my
left side annoyed me considerably, es-
pecially when l walked, stopped or lifted
anything. attributed the trouble to
rheumatism and knowing that this com
plant was caused by disordered kidneys
was led to try Doan's Kidney Pills, as
l had seen them highly recommended for
such troubles. My son procured box
for me at Daniels drug store, and dis
tinct improven ent ives the RESULT Of a
short use OF this remedy. Doan's Kidney
Pills are wonderfully effective and
heartily recommend them"
For sale by all dealers. Price 5Oce nts
Foster Milburn Co.. Remember the
name, Doan's and take no other. mwf
The daily tribune., 1907-05-13
CLEVER OBSERVATIONS
BY A CASUAL OBSERVER

What has become of the old.fash.
Toned woman who nsed to wipe heI
pose on her apron?
Don't kiok 30 hard that the other
fellow will have no oppor tunlty "a
apologize. ~
Some dogs lay around the fire Sc
much 1t would BE- the part of wisdom
to work them over into . rug ant
save food and tAxss.
When = oity telegraph operate,
fails to get the operator at country
station. he says; "Hs is out throw
ing horsesh oss. 4"
While II has oessed to be good Ad
vertiains about the uiual number o.
actresses continue to appear In The
divorce oourts. 1e.Asf.rr, r. aao7 80
No man 10 ever able to tell muct
about . woman's dress the day afteI
hs saw 1t, beysnd whether 1t looked
good or bad TO him.
You can't tell that . girl doesn',
want you to kiss h.r BY the way sh,
rcsists; it's where the kiss npalIy
lands that 10 really tightening.
The mcst sggravatipg kind Of I
p,Ison 10 live iu the house witt, |;
one who always has his own way
and yet goes around with An abused
air.
The daily tribune., 1907-05-13
DastIes Ii IL. DIsed.

An interesting record Of what may
b called the battles that occur Ia
the blood Of q fever patient between
noxious and benign microorganisms
was presented at q recent meeting OF
the Royal Microscopical society.
The patient in this case was suf
fering from malarial fever. The OBJ
servations were made at intervals Of
a few minutes during a period of five
hours. The defenders of the patients
life were kind of leucocytes, which
destroyed the malarial parasites.
A leucocyte would engulf a para
site, which would then be seen under
going a process Of disintegration in.
side the leucocyte, and only the pig
ment granules were left Afterward
other leucocytes would approach and
absorb even these granules.-Ex.
change.
The daily tribune., 1907-05-13
DIFFICULTY 70 srsx. 4 sA,p.
Man At the Helm, Works with the Our
taIns Tightly Drawn.

The work OF steering q great ship,
even with the aid Of all the machinery
ID much more delicate than one would
Imagine. The larger and faster the
ship the greater is the dif.culty. It II
not enough TO hold the wheel in the
same position to keep the ship on her
course. for the wind and waves and
the currents Of the ocean tend con.
stantly to knock the ship OF her
course. The great wall OF steel-for
the hull may be 700 feet long and 60
feet high--offers a broad target for
the wind and waves. =
The art Of steering is to humor the
ship to these forces and when she ID
DETECTED to bring her back quickly to
her course. II you could watch the
binnacle, especially In bad weather,
you would see the needle of the com.
pass constantly shifting from side to
side, which means that the great
steel PROV is not going forward in
q perfectly straight line.
The most astonishing thing about
the bridge is to find the wheelhouse
with all its curtains tightly drawn,
as often happens, and the man at the
helm steering the boat without see
ing ahead at all. At night or even
by day. II the light of the pinnacle
Is confusing, the wheelhouse is often
completely shut In. The man at the
wheel, 1t is explained, does not need
to look ahead. The lookout high up
in the crows nest" and the officer
on watch on the bridge will keep him
informed If any object is sighted The
duty of the man at the wheel is to
keep the ship on her course. Through
out his watch Of four hours he must
keep his eyes on the compass and no
where else.-St. Nicholas.
The daily tribune., 1907-05-13
AkAN AooRE BUiLDlHo A
CEMENT PLANT IN TEXAS

Aman Moore. until Within = year
or q, aso at the head Of the cement
plaut at Portland. but siucs then 4
resident Of Ogden. Utah. IL shortly "a
begin tbs erection Of . big cement
s.ak!as plan. At ri Paso, Tax. for
the Southwestern Portland Cement
company, Of which hs ID ons Of the
inoorporasors and directors.
Owing 70 conditions favorable to
thes manufacture Of cement at 81
Paso. the new company will be able
to sell its produce at 76 csnts barrel
cheaper than IL can BE- bought for
In Kansas. The raw material of
the company IL . depUit Of 800
acres Of cement rock. shsle and
limestone. Chemists have pro.
nonunosd the analysis Of the differ.
snt dspoaits - being perfect. .
The building will be Of FIRE proof
material and Of stfuctural steel With
the lxtest improved modern macLin.
cry. When completed It will be .
model cement plant and capable Of
man ufacturing o 600 barrels Of cement
. day. This quantity Of Portland
cement Ia to b, marketed In Now
Mexico. Arizona. western Texar.
mol thern Mexico and the surplus
will 20 to southern California
Within the last fve or six years
Mr.. Moore has balls and put into op.
GRAFTON. besides Die plant =. Portland
In this county. siatses establishments
for the manufactdfs' Of cement In
Utah and Mon tara.
The daily tribune., 1907-05-13
KNEW ALL ABOUT rH. AUTO.
Another Sample Of the Man Who
Can't Be Wrong.

The other afternoon single-seated
automobile. driven by a well-dressed
woman, stopped in the middle OF the
car tracks at Sixteenth and Curtis
streets. and refused to bulge. The
woman pushed levers and turned
cranks, but there was nothing doing.
After two street cars had come to
stop and crowd of perhaps 25
persons had gathered near her. she
requested some of the spectators to
push the machine to the curb. This
was done, and the woman continued to
tinker at it. Just then one of those
men who knows 1t all came along.
The sparker's busted" he said, TAX
ing look under the machine.
is that so?" said the woman, still
tinkering.
YES" said the man who knew 1t
all. That machine will never run
until new sparker is put in You
see know. used to work in a fac
tory where machines like that are
made. understand the automobile
thoroughly. saw at once that the
sparker was out of commission and
that there was no more run In that
machine" Here he looked about him
for the appreciation of the crowd. The
woman kept tinkering.
mo use." he continued. ut won't
go. couldn't be wrong. A man who
knows the gasoline auto as thorough
ly as l do couldn't make a mistake.
l."
Just then the machine began to
pun. The woman got in and away it
went. There was joker in the crowd.
Stepping up to the man who made
the big talk, he said: "My friend,
you're right. That machine will
never run until new sparker is put
in It,"
A policeman happened along in
time to prevent fight.-Denver Post.
The daily tribune., 1907-05-13
ABOUT YOUR NEI0nBoRs
AND YOURSELVES

-. O. Aartindsls was In Canon
City on jury duty today.
w. b. Mitchell was in Canon
CItv on business Saturday aftsrnoon.
walter Perry was up from Port.
land yesterday visiting friends and
renewing acaua,ntAncss.
will Eynou. bootksspsr st the
state psnitsntiary. sundaysd wish
his wife and family here.
Mrs. Cosine Of Pueblo. who
visited her sister Mrs. Clarence Vel.
ton. returned to her home yesterday.
r J. Morse and Morgan Griffith.
prominent oitizens OF the town Of
Portland. spent Saturday evening In
Florence.
u H. Edwards has returned
from the northern part Of the state
where ha spent the greater part Of
last week.
Mrs. CowAn OF Canon City. mis-.
sionary secretary of the Pueblo Pres-
bytery gave . talk to the Christian
Endeavor society OF the Presbyterian
ohuyoh last evening.
REV. PiuRree Of the NJ. church
aud his wife left today for Denver
we're the person will Attend the tri.
distriot conference which will be held
IN the Triniy ohu roh.
M. l.. Wood and wife are pack.
Ing up their household goods and
will store them for the present.
Mrs. Wood will board for awhile but
Mr.. Wood 10 planning to go to
Nevada
The daily tribune., 1907-05-13
Cost Of Cotton Piekrno.

1t requires something like 1900 ooo
cotton pickers, each picking 100
pounds OF seed cotton an average for
each picker and working 100 days
to pick 10000. .OOO-bale crop. Ot
course some pick more than loo
pounds OF seed cotton and some less
There are days when. on account OF
rain. no cotton can be picked. The
average of 100 pounds a day for 1OC
days Is not far wrong as an estimate
Of the picker's work.
At so cents hundredweight the
cost Of picking bale OF cotton is 80
At rs cents a hundredweight the cost
Is $11.25 bale. Therefore the cost
Of picking the entire crop will range
somewhere between s9o,OOO,O0O and
s112,0O0.0 900.
The daily tribune., 1907-05-13
Relief from Rheumatic Pains

II suffered with rheumatism for over
two years" says Mr. ROLAND Curry. . pa
trolman, OF Key West, Fla. Sometimes
1t settled In my knees and lamed mo 20
could hardly walk, at other times II
would be in my feet and .hnuds.so l was
incapscltatcd for duty. One night whom
I was 10 severe pain and lame from 1t my
wife won't to the drug store here and
came back with bottle OF Chamber.
lain's Pain Balm. was rubbed with Il
and found tho pain had nearly gone dur
Ing the night kept on using It for u
little moro than two weeks and found
that 1t drove the rhematism away. l
have not hadlany trouble from that dis
eass for over three month"; For sale
BY Daniels drug store. mwf
The daily tribune., 1907-05-13
November Nomenclature.

November was called by the an
Client Saxons the wint monat, or wind
month, on account of the gales then
prevalent. 1t was also named the
blot monat, or blood month, from the
ancient practice Of then slaughter
Ing cattle for the winter provisions.
1t is said that the Roman senators
wished to name the month after
Tiberius, as months had already been
named after julius Caesar and Au-
gustus, but the emperor, like Canute,
felt that 1t was possible to have too
much flattery, and refused. remark
Ing: What will you do, conscript IA
thers, II you have 13 Caesars?"
The daily tribune., 1907-05-13
Up Against II.

Here's a story" said Mrs Nagget,
looking up from her paper, "of man
who begged the Judge to send him to
Jail In place Of his wife, 1901
Hal" exclaimed Mr.. Nagget, "and
yet you say we rlen never sacrifice
ourselves for ono
"Wait minute. This woman stole
some clothes she was given to wash.
You see. she couldn't take in washing
while she was in jail, and so he would
have had to work"